Repressing Freedom: China Is Censoring Amir Out Of All ‘Jake And Amir’ Videos So That Citizens Do Not Idolize His Slothful, Imbecile Ways

The Chinese government has long limited its citizens’ access to the internet, but this most recent step is their most repressive yet, and will control what billions of people can see online: State censors have ordered that Amir be edited out of all Jake And Amir videos to prevent Chinese citizens from copying his slothful and foolish behavior.

There’s no question about it: China has declared war on Amir Blumenfeld and is determined to purge the web clean of his clownish antics within the CollegeHumor office.

The harsh proclamation that has internet watchdogs reeling decrees that “to promote a harmonious and productive society free of negative role models, the discordant buffoonery of Amir is prohibited without exception.” To enforce this far-reaching order, the edict also commands government internet monitors to excise Amir from all Jake And Amir videos and rename the series as The People’s Jake so that the rule-following Jake Hurwitz can serve as a positive example of a diligent and industrious employee for all of China to emulate.

In America we take freedoms like getting to see both Jake and Amir for granted, but beyond the Great Firewall, all you can find are clips of Jake silently working at his desk without any unwanted distractions.

Even looking for Amir’s name on Chinese search engines is no longer possible, with the terms “Amir” and “Blumenfeld” only returning videos with titles like “Responsible Jake Enjoys An Afternoon Of Quiet Labor” or “Serene Jake, The Only Employee Of CollegeHumor.com, Sits Entirely Alone.” Technically savvy Chinese internet users that try to bypass web filters and access unaltered videos, where Amir does rude things that aggravate Jake, now risk decades-long prison sentences.

There’s no denying that China is correct about Amir being a dim-witted and irresponsible miscreant, which is more than proven by examples like the infamous video where Amir tries to steal Jake’s bowl of cereal. However, banning Amir entirely is a dystopian assault on freedom of speech and a slippery slope to stricter regulation. The world can only hope China doesn’t continue down this path of totalitarian thought control.