When environments change it is so easy to fall into a space of uncertainty which for me translates into anxiety. Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. Yes I took this directly from Google 🙂

This has been a long term battle I had no name for until about 4 years ago.

Flashback

So let me tell you a story. When I began college I was about 100 pounds heavier and terribly self conscious. This was also true in high school. I knew I was fabulous but is that how I would be perceived? Social anxiety took over every aspect of my life but I had no idea that’s what it was.

Parties made me nervous and being around large groups of “friends” made me uneasy. Even grabbing lunch in the university center made me cringe at times. It wasn’t until about 22 when I returned to college that I understood what I was going through.

“Where’s my eyebrows?” 10/2010 Please excuse my dirty mirror 1/2011 Hollister phase 10/2015 10/2014

Side note: The more I look at these photos the more I just laugh. From not having any eyebrows, to my janky zebra print phone haha

Fast forward to when I began my career, right before graduation, these feelings grew stronger. I was a manager now; new expectations, senior leadership, employees, business responsibilities and goals etc. I was not only stressed but anxious about every decision, conversation, and or relationship I had.

My Life

Unfortunately, anxiety is not something that just goes away. Though I have been a working professional for couple of years now I still get very anxious. On the inside I am always worried about how others perceive me from meetings, to what I wear, to honestly everything. This is also partly because I am an African American female in a corporate environment.

You don’t want anyone to feel as though you are unprofessional, not well versed, unintelligent, gullible, incapable, incompetent, over confident. arrogant, too sensitive, overly opinionated, too shy, resistant, or God forbid “The angry black woman”. You see my complex here. This is my mind everyday about everything in any situation work related or not.

My Weakness and Superpower

To deepen the pot I am also an introvert. Thank you IG: CulturedCaitlin who does an amazing job outlining how introverts interpret many aspects of the world.

Being an introvert does not mean we are shy we are just reserved in nature. It takes more effort than most for us to interact with others.

Introversion is a fancy way of saying I enjoy my own company. It is the act of directing one’s attention or getting gratification from one’s own thoughts, feelings, moods or interests.

I can see my colleagues now, ” but you’re so fun and bubbly at work”. This is true. I have an amazing time at work, however just like being talkative you must learn when to tone it down. I have to tone down my introversion (I think that’s how you say it) or I would have no friends. At all haha

On the other hand I am literally the best critical thinker ever! My emotional intelligence is also heightened. Because I am so aware of my energy I am pretty sensitive to others. This is why intentions are huge to me and are oftentimes the reason I keep to myself.

The Connection

I know you’re probably thinking “how does introversion play into anxiety? ” Because I am concerned others will interpret my thoughts/actions in a way they’re not intended I become anxious about sharing. This is especially true in groups.

I am not a “sharer” by nature. It is easier to keep to myself than to explain how I feel, to anyone. This can literally be anything and can become exhausting when I can’t articulate its meaning. Can you relate?

This is why I write more than I speak. It comes out more accurate. It’s almost insulting and or hurtful when my thoughts are misconstrued. I’d rather be blissful alone.

How many can agree?

What Now?

So you have all these emotions brewing about and what happens? Self-doubt overwhelms your thoughts. You begin to overthink everything, or not think at all. Your confidence begins to fade and you wonder if you’re even doing it right.

You’re not the only one. I’ve questioned if I’m a “good” manager, a selfish person, a poor friend. I’ve doubted my career choice, had a meltdown or two, the whole nine. We’re human and in the words of Lauren Hill “emotionally unstable, which is reality.”

Not one of us is in complete and utter control of every single emotion we have every second of every day. We can however learn how to control every undesirable emotion we have every second of every day.

So, how do I handle it? How do I handle social anxiety in my everyday life?

Identify

When I was a newbie in college I had no idea my mental health was suffering. The difference now is I can Identify this feeling. Because I am aware of the feeling I can almost immediately begin to control it. Whether that is depression, anger, anxiety, etc. Learn what triggers these emotions and how to create ease when confronted with new opportunities.

Meditation and Prayer

Meditation is a great practice to focus the mind. You could meditate using a mantra, your voice, a scripture, a mental picture or scene, or any number of things. The more you are able to focus a thought (depending on the type of meditation) without straying the more you are in control of your mind.

Prayer, though similar, is different. Prayer is a space between you and your higher power or creator. In this space you may express gratitude, need, understanding, or simply a desire to connect.

These two devices will center your mind and enable you to grow stronger in who are and in your beliefs.

Get a Hobby

Hobbies are the best way to relieve emotions which are draining for the everyday person. When I found the gym I became the most carefree person in the world. Keeping a journal, and writing poetry became another habit which turned out to be equally supportive of who I am! Find a hobby and do it often.

Final Thoughts

Believe it or not life is only one decision after another. The more we learn, experience and grow the closer we become to who we are destined to be. Pharrell said it best. “You are already that person…just put yourself in that place.” We should all aim to do just that.

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