As the capitalist-imperialist world system is shaken to its core by the ongoing economic, social, environmental, and health crisis, the literal core has been extensively shook by the past month of Afro-American-led rebellion which has drawn the attention of the entire world, even (for now) overshadowing the country’s much focused-on electoral politics.

The Afro-American masses in particular, and to a great extent the broad masses of workers and oppressed across the imperialist United $tateSS of AmeriKKKa, have heroically raised from the dead the spirits of past strugglers in this country where many, but few more than Worker’s Spatula writers, had undialectically supposed significant change was impossible.

The Central Committee of Worker’s Spatula, the leadership of the vanguard of the vanguard of the vanguard of the world revolution, however, are guided by a deep commitment to Leninist strategy and tactics, and cannot merely self-criticise and reverse our stance. Rather, knowing that this new mass movement cannot contain boundless energy to leap past all obstacles to full and immediate revolutionary victory, we must incorporate this moment into our broader analysis.

The road of struggle in the US will remain long and hard, comrades. And although we cannot fall into a pithy electoralist reformism, lest we fall behind the Zeitgeist of the revolutionary masses, we must be able to intervene in the coming election all the same, or else the considerable hegemony of the ruling classes will deprive us of any voice in the months to come as the uprising dies down and electioneering is ramped up.

And if there’s one “Marxist” in the US who agrees with us, too strongly in fact, that proletarian revolution will not bring down the United States this year, it’s David Harvey. Despite our ordinarily cool relationship with the famous non-appreciator of the political undertones of the Chucky franchise, we decided that given the formally reformist nature of the work necessary to prepare for the coming decline in mass uprising in the US, he was the guy we should tolerate.

“Who should be the next President of the United States!?” we asked as we leapt around the corner at Manhattan’s CUNY Graduate Center (ML), scaring his scrawny white ass into jumping like a metre in the air. The Worker’s Spatula’s New York Electoral Unit (basically the Yank and some South Asian Maoists) had revealed themselves to David Harvey in order to interrogate his views on this pressing question of our time.

“Oh my, how startling! Also, in response to your question, Kanye West should be President. He’s the only remaining candidate to express my extremely Marxist understanding of capitalism as being frought with contradictions, but also, something not worth actually opposing and overcoming, and in fact something worth celebrating as the source of bounty and plenty. Also, he’s the only candidate who has ever attended one of my lectures, and he asked some really pointed questions about the difference between exchange value and price.”

“For sure,” agreed our Baloch correspondent, casting aside his [REDACTED SUBSTANCE] to engage Harvey in a more amicable fashion. “He’s also the only candidate who has gone on record stating that racism still alive, they just be concealin’ it.”

“He’s also the only candidate to endorse the correct view that Jesus of Nazareth was actually a Tamil Hindu,” noted an Indian woman writer with a commune-ready undercut. “It seems our lines have converged once again, you reformist scoundrel. Let’s go somewhere to talk this out.”

Moments later, at the ad hoc clandestine Worker’s Spatula US Presidential Election 2020 Headquarters [editor’s note: this is just David Harvey’s house], our team sat down with Harvey over some bhang lassi to hash out our strategy to elect the real lesser evil to the office of “POTUS”:

“In terms of our concrete forces as Worker’s Spatula, we have precious little capacity to campaign in public for President-to-be West,” explained the Yank somberly. “Accordingly, we consider it best to focus our practical efforts on whatever geographic regions are mostly likely to sway election results in Kanyeezy‘s favour.”

“Yes,” nodded Harvey thoughtfully, “I too have given this a great deal of thought. Generally speaking, in past US elections, the ruling class media have focused undue attention on this or that purported ‘swing state’, but if there’s one thing that the Trump election has shown us, it’s that these categories are extremely malleable given a sufficiently strong subjective will.”

“This will, of course, must reflect and reflect itself on the correct objective conditions,” interrupted our undercutted comrade. “Given Kanye’s cultural and political distance from the Afro-American national movement, this cannot be the Black Belt South. We need another focus to upset the expected balance of forces between Red Trump and Blue Trump.”

“Definitely,” agreed Harvey. “Our focus has to be on the Midwest. Do you know what the Midwest is?”

“Oh absolutely,” replied one of the Sri Lankans. “It’s young and restless. Ideal for our political agitation against the old white-guy-ness of the two mainstream candidates.”

“Quite,” intoned Harvey, sipping his bhang lassi. “Nobody need tell those fellows who Kanye West is.”

“Now you can imagine we approached you, David Harvey,” noted the Yank, his eyes glazing over. “You have way more free time and resources than any of us thanks to your privileged bourgeois academic position with its job security that probably has nothing to do with your revisionist politics. Be honest, answering hate mail from Halkevleri aside, you haven’t got anything to do for the next few months that can’t be put off. We need you to infiltrate the West Campaign and help transform it into a vehicle for left politics.”

“Sure, I can be on a flight to wherever Kanye is tomorrow,” responded David Harvey. “Do you guys want to order some food? I could eat like two pounds of pakora right now.”

“Stay focused, Dave. Our first concern, before anything else, is the choice of a VP candidate. We’re obviously very concerned that Kanye will choose Kim Kardashian [editor’s note: no relation] as his running mate. While this choice would be extremely popular in pure electoralist terms, it is our view that there is another woman who could not only secure the West ticket enough votes to win victory, but potentially be pushed even further to the left than where she is, which is already quite far left in the US electoral context.”

“And who might that be?” asked Harvey, squinting his eyes as if trying to see something in the distance.

At that very moment, the intercom of Harvey’s door went off.

“There she is now,” said the other Sri Lankan comrade.

In through the door strode an imposing woman, splaying her lengthy acrylic nails in a most alpha display before emitting some manner of bird noise:

“Here’s how Bernie can still win, okurrrrr?”

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