The New York Times announced today that beginning Monday, January 7, Russian President Vladimir Putin will write a weekly column for its op-ed page.



“We are thrilled to add Vladimir Putin's distinctive voice to our op-ed page,” said Andrew Rosenthal, editorial page editor. “He is a captivating leader and keen observer of the 21st-century political landscape. His work will undoubtedly be provocative in this election year. Plus, he threatened to have me poisoned if I didn't hire him.”

Mr. Putin is currently the leader of Russia, a country sliding back into Soviet-era dictatorship. The Russian president, formerly a member of the KGB and later the head of FSB (a successor agency to the KGB), once contributed a weekly column to his high school newspaper The State. Mr. Putin is also an origami enthusiast, a fan of the CW hit Gossip Girl ("What can I say? I'm hooked.") and believed to be behind the assassinations of at least 20 journalists since his presidency began in 2000.

Critics say The Times' decision underscores the paper's increasing willingness to showcase views of those who are less concerned with the constraining nature of reality and truth. But Rosenthal scoffed at such assertions.

“I'm not sure if I understand this weird fear of opposing views," said Rosenthal. "We have views on our op-ed page that are as thuggish or more so than Vladimir's." He added, "The idea that The New York Times is giving voice to a guy who is a serious, respected and brutal leader — and somehow that’s a bad thing. How intolerant is that? The whole point of the op-ed page is to air a variety of opinions."

In further defending the hire, Rosenthal explained, "Look, Hitler and Stalin are dead. Pol Pot, too. Osama bin Laden tends toward the run-on sentence. Sudanese President Omar al-Bashir has trouble meeting deadlines. Musharraf told us he has too much on his plate right now to commit. Charles Manson's parole board has repeatedly declined our requests for Chuck to pen a column for us while serving out his life sentence. Dick Cheney can't write a sentence without dropping an F-bomb. And, well, let's just say all options were off the table concerning President Bush."

Following The Times' decision to publish the NSA illegal wiretapping story in December 2005, Mr. Putin reportedly asked President Bush why he didn't just "quietly silence the responsible editors of such an irredeemable, second-rate paper of record."

In an interview with Politico.com yesterday, Putin said he was flattered to watch "the heads of liberal bloggers explode" over news of his hiring at The Times, but added, "I prefer to watch them explode literally, as in my own country."