We, here in the UK, are not too keen on being direct. Notoriously stoic and polite — having heard the phrase, “Keep a stiff upper lip,” one too many times — many of us live under the assumption that we must remain steadfastly unemotional, in order to be taken seriously by our peers and wider society. So, it makes sense that talking to a stranger about our feelings might make us feel like we have failed, somehow.

If you like this kind of stuff, find out how you can help keep us going. Learn more

Mental health has become less of a taboo subject, in recent years. Thanks to awareness raised by charities such as Mind, and more celebrity mental health ambassadors than you could shake a stick at, folks are slowly starting to open up about their issues. However, there’s still a bit of a stigma when it comes to therapy. Many still buy into stereotypes about therapy being exclusively for family disappointments, adult children of divorce and those with a lifetime of pent-up resentment towards absent fathers and neglectful mothers who screwed up their childhoods and, subsequently, their entire lives. Or, they may think that going to therapy means an eternal commitment to consulting with a stranger on major life decisions.

This, of course, is nonsense. Therapists aren’t there to dictate your life. What they are there to do, is work with you, so that you can learn techniques that will help you to reach healthy decisions, independently.

According to clinical psychologist Dr Patrick Gwyer, “Therapy is not as serious as people may think it is,” — it generally doesn’t involve lying on a sofa, while someone meticulously analyses every single word you say. You do have to take it seriously, and it isn’t an easy fix to your problems, but, as humans, we make mistakes. Sometimes, the healthiest way to deal with these mistakes it to laugh about them, accept that they happened and work out how to avoid repeating them in the future — which often happens in therapy.

Therapy used to be about fixing unhealthy behaviour, now it’s about understanding the feelings that cause that behaviour

The Freudian stereotype does have some basis in reality, though. Gwyer believes that there are three main types of therapy: psycho-dynamic therapy encourages people to walk through their childhood, in order to work out how it has affected who they are today. This form of therapy isn’t often practised, anymore. Although patients might find it useful to spend some time delving into their past, it isn’t necessarily the most productive use of a session; humanistic therapy aims to help patients get in touch with their emotions and develop a sense of empathy, with themselves and others; cognitive-behavioural therapy aims to work out patterns in thought and behaviours, and manage problems by changing how people think and act.

“Nowadays, therapists are more eclectic, meaning they take aspects of all the different types of therapies, and see what works and what doesn’t, to make it individual for each client,” says Gwyer.

He explains that therapy has evolved, in many ways. It used to be focused solely on fixing unhealthy behaviour. Now, it’s about understanding the underlying feelings that cause that behaviour. Some therapists think it’s unhelpful to say that certain behaviours are “wrong”, and instead help patients accept themselves, as they are, by reminding them that everyone is human and, therefore, occasionally, messes up. A form of therapy called Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) specialises in this kind of pathos. While primarily used to treat illnesses like Borderline Personality Disorder — which causes identity diffusion, emotional instability and impulsive behaviour — it can also be used to treat anxiety and depression.

85% of UK adults experience stress, regularly

So, should everyone seek treatment? Occupational therapist Mamta Saha believes that virtually everyone could benefit from having a safe environment to talk in, free from the judgement of family and friends, and that most people find the experience “very cathartic”.

“Everyone has a certain amount of emotional baggage, and stress is now a very common symptom of modern life,” she explains.

There are issues with access to therapy. When it comes to treatment provided by the NHS, the aim is often to discharge patients as quickly as possible — getting them “from poor to okay, rather than okay to awesome”, as Gywer puts it. Increased demand for treatment, coupled with substantial real-terms funding cuts, means increased waiting lists. There usually isn’t time to give people the attention that they really need when there are high-priority patients waiting.

The aim of therapy is to teach patients techniques that they can utilise, themselves, in the future

But, that’s not to say that someone can’t further improve their own mental-well-being, after they get discharged. The aim of therapy is to teach patients techniques that they can utilise, themselves, in the future. It isn’t to hold their hand all the way, but to help them to help themselves.

While it can be hard to access therapy through the NHS, there are plenty of other avenues one can take. Saha owns a occupational therapy business, which supports people who are struggling at work, and there are many like it all around the country. In 2008, the Improving Access to Psychological Therapies (IAPT) scheme was set up to help provide short-term support to those who need it, and now over 900,000 people use IAPT services, each year.

Although based more in self-care than anything else, Saha believes that online services, like mindfulness apps, help. As does simply talking to a friend or relative. It’s important to build a strong support system and be in-touch with yourself, even before you find yourself beginning to struggle — the more self-aware you are, the better you’ll be able to prevent your emotions from spiralling out of control.

Mindfulness helps us notice signs of depression or anxiety earlier, and deal with them better

That’s not to say that mental health problems are anyone’s fault or that there’s necessarily anything an individual can do to avoid them. Serious mental illnesses are often caused by chemical imbalances that need mediation and therapy, in order to be improved. But, it’s important to remember that we all have mental health, just as we all have physical health, so we should take care of it to the best of our ability.

And, remember, if it isn’t working for you the way you’d hoped, it’s okay to speak up or try a new therapist. “People are like clothes,” says Gwyer. “Your therapist may be a blue top. There’s nothing wrong with the top, but it doesn’t compliment you, a red skirt.” It’s alright to shop around, until you find a therapist that suits you. They won’t be offended. The treatment is about you, after all, so it’s important that you’re the one getting the most out of it.

Accepting help doesn’t make you weak, and needing therapy doesn’t mean there’s anything fundamentally wrong about you. The truth is that everyone is a little bit messy, and we all have stories to tell.