Because she's been there and done that, literally, former contestant/tear fountain Ashley Iaconetti is recapping this season of for Cosmopolitan.com. With insider insight as well as a clear eye for what's going down in the love connection stakes, read on for her thoughts.

This is it! Having sent twenty-five guys home already, JoJo has to make just one more cut before she can run off into the sunset with bae. She tells her family she's in love with both of her final two, but she can only pick one, obviously. WHO WILL IT BE?! (It'll be Jordan, right?!)

Let's find out...

Perhaps the biggest warning sign Jordan has given off this season comes when he greets JoJo in Thailand for their final date. "I'm sorry I'm so sticky," she giggles, presumably because of the heat. And he responds with "Yeah, you are." THAT'S NOT OK! He does manage to make a better ― or at least more polite ― impression on JoJo's family, because he's brought them all silly hats.

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JoJo's mom is still worried he's a "playboy," however, because a mom just knows these things. (And then Reality Steve knows them too, go figure.) My favorite part is when JoJo's mom says Jordan's charm is the problem. A statement like this would never make sense to a guy, but it makes total sense when it comes to girl talk.

Robby seems to be even less to mama Fletcher's liking on first glance, which perhaps leads him to overcompensate some and blather endlessly about that time he told JoJo he loved her. And he was the first to do so, OK?!?! That counts for something!! He asks for her parents' permission to pop the question ― note that Jordan had not, because he felt awk doing so with another guy still in the mix ― and gets their blessing. JoJo's dad is the cutest mush ever when he starts tearing up, although I don't know if he got teary because he loved what Robby had to say or he was just really feeling for his daughter in this highly emotional situation. I did notice that Robby called him Dr. Fletcher and, as the daughter of a doctor, I know this can gain a lot of points.

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But though her fam are all on #TeamRobby at this point, JoJo's brother does note her tendency to bring things back to Jordan (let's be real, it's been like that all season) speaks volumes on where her heart lies. Let's just remember that these are the guys who called wholesome Ben Higgins a player and they don't seem too concerned about a former NFL footballer — a literal player, then — with a smile right out of a toothpaste ad.

JoJo and Robby have their final date with the same thoughts clearly running through JoJo's head. She loves Robby, but does she love him enough!? Or as much as she loves Jordan, basically. (The parallel to how her journey on Ben Higgins' season of The Bachelor played out is eerie at this point.) Robby talks out his homespun vision for their future, and leaves her with a stack of photos from their dates for her to remember him by. What is this, The Notebook?! This is probably the first time in the season where I'm thinking that, maybe, she should pick Robby." He seems to love her, for real, while Jordan seems to be thinking more along the lines of, "shit, I think I'm too deep into this to be The Bachelor now."

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There's one sticky subject which needs to be addressed on JoJo and Jordan's last date ― that he didn't ask for her folks' permission to marry her. Jordan hems and haws and says he doesn't want to be the one to make the leap of faith first even though that is EXACTLY what this show is about; also, JoJo's told Jordan in the fantasy suite how important getting her parents permission is. Did he think this way the way to get out of the final rose?! While sitting in the live audience last night, Carly Waddell and I couldn't stop exchanging concerned looks and expressing how much we didn't feel the love. We thought at this point that maybe they were making the edit look so out of Jordan's favor that JoJo was going to reveal she was single after all. The rest of the audience didn't seem as concerned, but they also didn't seem too thrilled at Jordan's behavior.

JoJo seems unimpressed but obviously Jordan is her #1 choice at this point so the question is whether a "safe" choice for a "happy" ending will beat out the risk that ~true love~ represents. For what it's worth, Jordan does say over and over that he is prepared to propose, he just needs to be put in the right moment. That's quite the mind game. The moment is planned for you buddy.

Anyway, look, it's the day of the final elimination and we cut from Robby picking out the ring he'll offer JoJo to Jordan making the call to her parents after all. That's a telling piece of editing there, just saying. (I'm dying to know if he went to the producers asking for a phone and the parents number or whether it was suggested he should do it.) He and Robby both write love notes to JoJo, because handwriting matters, and she reads them both before making her decision.

"My love for JoJo is as clear as that diamond I picked: it's flawless," Robby says as he arrives to propose. But this is no Beyoncé moment.

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In floods of tears, JoJo turns him down. "Every day I've been wanting it to be you," she explains, which is hardly comforting. "I fell in love with you, but for some reason, my heart is somewhere else." Robby runs off to cry in the car, but all things considered it's a pretty dignified exit. Is it just me or is this part of the finale the worst?! Like, once it's inevitable who's winning and how things are playing out, let's just get right to the HAPPINESS, please?!

And speaking of abrupt changes, JoJo snaps right out of her cryface (seriously, the 180 is instantaneous) as soon as she realizes her hard work for the day is done, and now she just gets to start planning her big TV wedding. She tells Jordan she loves him, he tells her he loves her back, he proposes, she says yes, yay!

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Such a shame they're not really a couple we're rooting for, am I right Bachelor Nation?! I just DIDNT feel it! I didn't feel proposal and I didn't feel it as they sat a couple of yards away from me. Saying this may make it so JoJo and I can't ever really be friends. I want them to be happy and together, but I felt myself needing to almost fake smile in the audience because something was very much missing.

Photos like this do not convince me either. Courtesy of ABC

Still, they talked about their boundless happiness a bunch more on the After the Final Rose special, despite all the tabloid nonsense which JoJo says has left her crying herself to sleep some nights. The extra hour's proposal post-mortem is noteworthy only for that Chad really thinks he stands up making a pitch to be the next Bachelor. Just to let you know, this was very much staged the camera was in his face for a least a full minute before he stood up — the producers were handing him beef jerky and whiskey during commercials! So much of his image is bought-into manufactured ego.

Which, speaking of that "image," I won't be on Bachelor in Paradise tonight but I will be recapping it. You'll have to wait two weeks for my face to grace your television screens once again. It'll be worth it, I promise!

P.S. Let's clarify the Bachelor nation's "who wore it better?" debate. JoJo and I were wearing very similar dresses. We did not plan this! I did not see her backstage beforehand. Carey, the show's stylist (yes, he's a genius) actually came out into the audience to check my dress a couple minutes into the viewing. He was like, "crap, I may have to put JoJo in something different. The dress I have picked out for her is very similar." We'll he didn't and the likeness spewed hundreds of tweets and Instagram comments. If I'm going to be dressed like anyone, JoJo is high on my list.

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Ashley Iaconetti Ashley Iaconetti is our resident Bachelor recapper.

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