Initially I wanted to get through all the gold cards in one shot. Turns out there are just too many of them to put in one place without making the article unbearably long. So welcome to part one! A reminder for those who are new to the Durdle’s Guide – this is not a set review. This is a brewing article with ideas for building around some kooky cards, weird ways to use popular cards and achievements for us to unlock throughout the season.

Gold cards are by their nature more powerful than monocoloured cards due to ostensibly being harder to cast. Of course with the perfect mana we have right now, casting gold cards is pretty darn easy. Which ones do we want to cast though? Let’s take a look.

(As a side note, my podcast cohost Travis Hall is grading my puns in this article. Brace yourselves…)

[card]Blast of Genius[/card]

What better way to start the gold section than with the first uncommon to catch my eye so far. I initially dismissed this card as garbage because I suffer from selective reading; I thought you looked at the top 3, kept one and dealt damage equal to the CMC of the one you kept. Thank God I got THAT wrong.

Drawing cards is a good thing, I hear. Going three deep into your library AND removing a creature is even better. Bear in mind that you card you discard does not have to be one of the three you drew, so we have more flexibility on that front. Ideally we’ll draw into our [card]Obzedat’s Aid[/card] (go go perfect mana bases!) and discard [card]Omniscience[/card] for next turn. [card]Nicol Bolas[/card], [card]Griselbrand[/card] and even Tyrant of freaking Discord are all acceptable to pitch to the Blast, though I think my personal favourite is going to be [card]Catch // Release[/card] or [card]Breaking // Entering[/card]. I know it’s less damage, but the look on our opponents’ faces when we explain that they’re actually dead will be worth it. Achievements aplenty there. Can I also be ultra greedy and cast this off Melek? Please? That would be a blast for sure. (3/10, aren’t you limbered up yet?)

[card]Blood Baron of Vizkopa[/card]

Someone (I think Glenn Jones) described his second line of text as “if you are winning, win more instead.” While kicking ol’ Vladimir Harkonnen into overdrive will definitely leave your opponent a baron wasteland of death and destruction, even the plain, non-spiced version of this guy is hard to kopa with. (8/10 much, much better, this one only made me want to take a claw hammer to you) That said, I will of course have to beat someone with the 30/10 clause.

A 4/4 lifelinker for 5 with two relevant protections is a pretty spectacular deal, especially when you factor in that one of the two burn spells that deals 4 damage in this format is white. He also can’t be eaten by [card]Angel of Serenity[/card], which in the current meta is a big plus. His running buddy Teysa has a similar superpower, giving BWx decks a formidable 1-2 punch against the Junk Rites menace. He’s also a Vampire, which has once again made me look at both [card]Stromkirk Captain[/card] (first strike is REALLY good) and [card]Vampire Nocturnus[/card] (I am fine with not playing [card]Stromkirk Noble[/card] to get this effect). Tribal decks are an ongoing achievement, and if I can foil out a Vampires deck I can be satirical and pimp at the same time.

Vladimir might not be Baneslayer, but he’s a pretty close approximation. In Modern he doesn’t die to any of the most popular removal: too big for Bolt, immune to Path, [card]Terminate[/card] and Helix, too big for [card]Abrupt Decay[/card]. He saunters past [card]Lingering Souls[/card] and Germ tokens, can’t be tapped down by Ajani…if played in a deck that can get to 5 mana reliably, he could take over some games.

Oh, before I forget…am I a bad person for wanting to put [card]Spectral Flight[/card] on him? (yes)

[card]Bronzebeak Moa[/card]

Chocobos! In Magic! With armour on! Where do I sign? Final Fantasy flashbacks aside, I have always loved creatures with this ability, like [card]Herd Gnarr[/card]. They generally haven’t got this big of a bonus though, with a single casting of [card]Lingering Souls[/card] enabling you to attack for 8. If we get the correct curve we can attack for even moa by casting and flashing back the Souls on turn 5.(2/10 too obvious) White especially has a lot of ways to put multiple creatures into play at a time, which is exactly what we’re looking for here. Going Moa -> [card]Geist-Honored Monk[/card] -> [card]Restoration Angel[/card] on the Monk on subsequent turns is going to result in some giant birds beaking down on your opponent. I don’t know how big I can make my bird (giggity) but I think getting him to at least 14 power is a reasonable target. Conveniently, that’s exactly how big it gets from a [card]Trostani’s Summoner[/card]…

Another fun trick would be to combine the Moa with [card]Legion’s Initiative[/card]. [card]Exile[/card] all your dudes, bring them all back, watch Moa get enormous, smash face. I really don’t rate Initiative that highly but I think I will need to do this. I also considered running it in my [card]Séance[/card] brew that has been putting in a lot of work, but it might be too cute there.

[card]Council of the Absolute[/card]

This was one of the cards I wanted to acquire at the prerelease, because I see it getting a ton of play at some point. Everyone and their dog has talked about naming [card]Sphinx’s Revelation[/card] with it, and that’s almost definitely what will be happening most of the time. However I rather like the idea of naming something like [card]Supreme Verdict[/card], then at the end of their turn Resto it and name a big finisher. My plan initially was to play it with [card]Goblin Electromancer[/card] and [card]Dragonshift[/card], obviously naming ‘shift with Council after the blink. I’m not so sure that’s good now though, so I’m back to the drawing board.

It makes sense flavour-wise, but I’m kinda bummed I can’t name a creature. I can name [card]Omniscience[/card] though, and I will. We also can use Council as absolute protection against having your planeswalker get planeswalker ruled while simultaneously making yours cheaper. (4/10)

[card]Deadbridge Chant[/card]

My early pick for my favourite card in the set. I am on a real grindy kick right now, and they don’t get much grindier than [card]Deadbridge Chant[/card]. If it weren’t for the first line he card would be terrible, but as it fuels itself (and other cards) right away it becomes essentially a personal [card]Howling Mine[/card] with significant upside. I’ve been testing this with [card]Séance[/card] and it does not feel fair in the slightest. About the worst thing that can happen is that you hit a [card]Mulch[/card] or [card]Grisly Salvage[/card] to return to your hand, which just gives you more options for the next turn. [card]Séance[/card], [card]Deathrite Shaman[/card] and even [card]Unburial Rites[/card] can help you narrow down the possibilities for the random hit off the Chant. When you have both [card]Séance[/card] AND this out, the amount of unfair things that can happen before you even draw a card will make sure you never want to stop playing the deck.

This is not a combo card, at least not that I can see. It doesn’t come down and win you the game right away…well, it does. But your opponent just doesn’t know it yet. Achievements here will include bringing back [card]Sepulchral Primordial[/card] to bring back something else, getting the engine going with [card]Sire of Insanity[/card] and/or [card]Séance[/card] and having two in play at the same time. Wow, just the thought of that last one makes me shiver.

[card]Dragonshift[/card]

I collect a few different types of Magic cards: Richard Kane Ferguson artwork (because he’s awesome), [card]Judge’s Familiar[/card] (because I’m a judge), [card]Luminate Primordial[/card] (the first card I was given to preview) and dragons (because dragons). I really, REALLY love dragons. Like, a lot.

When I saw that [card]Dragonshift[/card] could turn every creature on the board into Trogdor, I knew I had to do something with it. My first thought was tokens, because my first thought is almost always tokens. However a conversation with Zac Hill on [card]Horde of Notions[/card] sent my brain off in another direction – [card]Goblin Electromancer[/card] and [card]Council of the Absolute[/card]. Reducing the overload cost of a 7-mana spell is obviously important, and that strategy lets me do so while making potential dragons to win the game. Winning with surprise dragons will be an achievement, as will overloading it for UURR.

Outside of the “combo” deck, I don’t know how good this card will be. I have tried to find other homes for it, and aside from the tokens idea I really can’t think of much else. Perhaps it can be a second wincon in the defender deck with [card]Doorkeeper[/card]s, [card]Axebane Guardian[/card]s and so on? This might be a thing, actually. There we go, another achievement will be dealing lethal with attacking walls. That would be a heck of a shift. (3/10 It’s like your heart’s not really in it)

[card]Emmara Tandris[/card]

There has been a ton of hate aimed at poor Emmara, mainly because she’s not as good as [card]Voice of Resurgence[/card] and because it is known that she should have been [card]Voice of Resurgence[/card]. I’m not here to tell you that she’s actually good, or that there’s some combo you should be playing with her. Most of the good maze runners are decent to good on their own, while Emmara is a seven-drop that does nothing. She’s not awful in a [card]Rhys the Redeemed[/card] EDH deck I suppose, but there is one place where she really shines: Momir Basic.

Yeah, that’s a thing. Momir makes token copies of the random creature, and Emmara makes those copies almost impossible to kill in that format. I mean, in constructed she’s still monumentally awful, but at least we found SOMEWHERE she’s good.

[card]Exava, Rakdos Blood Witch[/card]

There might not be a lot of things to do with a seemingly straightforward creature, but her haste-granting ability has me thinking. The first card that came to mind was [card]Master Biomancer[/card], but even if we just splash blue we’re still in four colours for 2 spells we want on turn 4. A turn 2 [card]Farseek[/card] might help that but it’s still a risky brew even when you add in the ability to play [card]Nimbus Swimmer[/card].

We do have [card]Savageborn Hydra[/card] though, which is a lot easier to splash and really benefits from haste. We also have scavenge in Jund colours, although the extra mana to grant haste might be too much to be worthwhile. I think if we want to make Exava into a force, we have to go four colours. Looks like my achievement here will just be getting Exava and Biomancer in play at the same time…

[card]Lavinia of the Tenth[/card]

When I first wrote this part, my only achievement here was to blink Lavinia each turn. Both [card]Deadeye Navigator[/card] and [card]Conjurer’s Closet[/card] allow that to happen, and that just shuts down some decks entirely. I’d still need to find a way to win but Deadeye attacks for 5 and it’s not like I would be pressed for time.

Then this week the M14 rules changes were announced, and I realised how much fun it would be to copy Lavinia with a [card]Progenitor Mimic[/card]. Yeah, that will work just fine. Every turn you make a copy, keep the original and lock down their board. It’s not like either card is bad on its own either, especially with Lavinia dodging a lot of removal and blocking some relevant creatures. Throw some more powerful Bant cards around the shell, possibly stuff like you would expect from Prime Speaker Bant, and go to town.

[card]Master of Cruelties[/card]

It’s a five-drop with a unique effect, so of course I’m going to give it a try. Unlike a lot of crazy mythics this guy makes a masterful blocker and will eventually clear out every blocker that gets in his way. Boost his power and even double-blocking won’t help. Oh and we’re in red and black, which might have a little removal in it. Getting Master through unblocked shouldn’t be a problem. If we have to we can even use something like [card]Madcap Skills[/card].

The drawback, as we know, is that [card]Master of Cruelties[/card] can never kill an opponent alone. Man, that’s cruel. (3/10) If only we were in colours that had direct damage. Achievement number one, then, will be to win after an attack with Master into a burn spell. If only Zap were legal. In Modern we have a really fun option: ninjutsu. Once Master triggers, he doesn’t need to stay in play. We can bring in a Ninja or any type ([card]Ninja of the Deep Hours[/card] is my personal favourite, though we can also pull this off economically with [card]Mistblade Shinobi[/card], Walker of the Secret Ways, [card]Skullsnatcher[/card] and even [card]Throat Slitter[/card]. It’s an obvious achievement and one that allows me to play just good cards around it, which I’ve found has been the best kind.

[card]Maw of the Obzedat[/card]

This card will forever after be nicknamed Fat Bastard. The artwork is simultaneously hilarious and spooky, which takes some work. The great thing is that the card is deceptively good. If there’s one thing we should all have learned from Sam Black by now, it’s that sacrificing creatures is the most powerful thing you can do in Magic. If you’ve played with Maw in Limited you’ll know that he can win games out of nowhere if you have any sort of board state. That’s harder to achieve in Constructed, but I’m sure we can find a way to do it. We have [card]Lingering Souls[/card], we have Sorin, we can add green and go with some populate shenanigans. In a deck with [card]Blood Artist[/card]s not only are we draining with every sacrifice, we’re also making our Artists deal maw and maw damage (8/10 well played). Getting in with a 7/7 Maw and two 4/5 [card]Blood Artist[/card]s after a [card]Lingering Souls[/card] and flashback drains them for 8 should just about be enough to win.

[card]Melek, Izzet Paragon[/card]

It’s going to take something very weird for this guy to see Standard play on a high level, but fortunately I’m not at a high level. Melek might be the thing that [card]Epic Experiment[/card] needed to be fun again, althought there’s not a great deal worth hitting off it right now. [card]Devil’s Play[/card] and [card]Bonfire of the Damned[/card] are possible game-winners, especially if we can also play a suite of ramp spells to both get us to Melek and do bigger things once we have him. That said, casting an X spell for 10 from the library just doesn’t seem very interesting. Even [card]Sphinx’s Revelation[/card] doesn’t, to be honest.

Believe me I’ve tried to come up with something to do with Melek that makes me want to build around him for Standard and unlock some achievements…but I can’t think. In Modern I can cast [card]Searing Wind[/card] I guess? Maybe play him in a deck with Rituals, or land destruction? The achievements just don’t seem that interesting, which frustrates me because he seems like a ton of fun to brew around. Readers, help! Suggest some achievements that don’t involve copying a damage spell!

Thoughts so far

As you might expect in a predominantly multicoloured set, there’s a lot here that I want to do. [card]Deadbridge Chant[/card] is far and away the front runner for my favourite card, and there’s an article coming soon about that one. Melek frustrates me, but otherwise there’s a ton here to excite my weird-ass little brewing mind.

(Overall Pun Grade: 4/10. The [card]Blood[/card] Baron was the best).