Re:(no subject)

Blakey (BlakeBelladonna92)

to me | 4:18 PM (2 hours ago)

I thought I'd last longer without replying. Least I made it to the new year. I'm not playing for appearances, I do miss you, I'm just not sure the you I miss even exists anymore. Are you ever sober?

I'm getting off on the wrong foot. Yeah that was me. Ruby invited me to spend christmas and thanksgiving with her and the family. It actually snowed, only for like an evening though. Christmas day Ruby tossed me into a snowbank and Weiss buried me, a goddamn trap. It was beautiful though. Late night, the streets were dead, flakes falling, I could see the glimmer of street lamp light bounce off the flurry. Stayed out most of the night. I'm still happy Tai keeps room for me there, though I think he'd prefer you visit. Either way it's better than me flying off to visit the wonderful Belladonna family. You know my folks, having dinner on the other side of the world. I'm not sure they'd want to see me anyways.

But this email's not suppose to be about me or Christmas is it? To be honest I never really thought you'd find her. Double sure that was not going to be how it went if you did. I pictured a Christmas full of punches and kicks.

I assume you want my input, I can't imagine why else you'd bother talking to me. To me, Raven carried you to term, she brought a person into this world while she had other options. She wasn't a scared teenage girl and really she didn't even have to be there all the time, hell even at all and still be a better mother than she was. Not to mention Taiyang had a right to child support he couldn't even take her to court for! She could have left a mailing address at least, sent you a god damn teddy bear for your birthday, literally anything more. She wouldn't take even the smallest iota of responsibility. I never met Raven, but I do know how much her choices haunted you, and I know she could have done so much more. Don't use her as a role model.

I'm not going to fight you, but I want to make something clear, for me, for your dad, for Ruby and especially for Summer. Bringing Summer into our lives, Raven isn't responsible for that. Raven didn't set up getting you a mom and a baby sister and making your life better. From her perspective, she left you with a single depressed dad. She didn't know a wonderful woman would enter your life and be your real mom, she didn't know the Rose-Long house would have double the income, that you'd be able to afford college and a good life. Moral luck doesn't factor in for her, she doesn't get credit for the kind of person Summer was. I'm not telling you to hate your mom, just, I don't really know, don't give her the credit Summer deserves.

I'll just hate Raven enough for the both of us instead.

At this point I'm guessing you've stopped reading. I'm not going to reaffirm your moral theory, I'm not going to say it's okay for you to vanish because "well she did it too and you came out beautiful without her." I don't even know if I can really be happy for you, even in the way I should be. It was your dream, and I never thought there was anything wrong with you wanting to see her, I always thought you deserved answers. I still think you deserve better, and hell, I'm mature enough to know its better to have a relationship with her now than to be bitter forever. I just don't know how to do that.

I guess I should at least try. I'm happy you finally got to meet your mom. I'm glad you finally got to have the person in your life you always wanted. Must be nice to finally have someone you like well enough to stick around for.

Blake Belladonna

(458) 555-7929

Sent from: Portland Oregon