NEW YORK—Excitedly gathering for a good view, the nation’s tourists announced plans Wednesday to form a wide circle around a group of guys who were doing a bunch of flips and stuff. “We’re absolutely thrilled to stand here and clap our hands along with that guy cradling a boombox, cheering them on as they spin around and do backflips over things,” said a spokesperson for the nation’s tourists, adding that they looked forward to nodding their heads along to the sound of bucket drumming. “Furthermore, we will repeat this process in every city we visit, capturing all the crazy dance moves on our phones to later post on social media with a caption that says something like ‘Only in NYC.’ This also extends to the silver-painted man who is standing completely still, who we’ll approach individually until we’re startled by his sudden, rigid movements.” The tourists concluded their statement by revealing plans to disperse the circle and flee the scene right when the guys began passing around the donation hat.

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