Washington D.C.—

In an emergency cabinet meeting, President Donald Trump hoped to think up a strategy for how the administration should react to the exploding Russia scandal, but he reportedly derailed the meeting by insisting that every cabinet member pledge on a Bible that his IQ was higher than Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s IQ.

A White House aide, who requested anonymity, explained to The Halfway Post that some cabinet members looked visibly uncomfortable reciting the pledges, and others refused to take the pledge at all. This upset the President greatly, and he started threatening the holdouts by promising to fight their reelection bids.

“Then Secretary of State Rex Tillerson corrected Trump that the secretaries were not elected but appointed, and that made Trump seethe even more intensely,” said the aide. “He paced back and forth at the side of the room breathing heavily and audibly through his nose, and then he turned on Fox & Friends to calm himself down. The entire cabinet watched awkwardly for a half hour until the President abruptly turned off the television and announced that if everyone was in agreement that his IQ was indisputably higher than Robert Mueller’s IQ, the meeting was adjourned.”

The cabinet secretaries than all shuffled out of the room, except for Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Ben Carson who remained asleep in his chair.

(Picture courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)

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