ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

“Oh for fucks sake!” he sighed.

“I’ve only just got dry. Hey! Hey!! You!”

But they didn’t hear local lifeguard Matt Laulsen, they were too keen to try out their new Christmas present down at the Lake Betoota Surfing Complex.

That entitled old boomer fuck that Matt was yelling out to this afternoon was Ian Craig, a semi-retired breakfast television producer.

So as Ian entered the water, it quickly became apparent to the 65-year-old that he’d made a very big mistake.

He was now quickly sliding between the breakers and before he knew it, he was drifting slowly out toward the centre of the lake.

“Paddle parallel to the beach!” yelled Matt.

“Just stay on the board, I’ll come out to you.”

Our reporter looked on as Ian began to panic and thrash about in the brackish water like it was acid.

However, as it was his day off, our reporter shrugged and kept walking off down the beach.

More to come.