Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Last Word on Sports MMA’s inaugural “UFC Heat” Awards. The awards that objectify and celebrate everything that turns us on, because we know what you really like when it comes to people fighting in cages. The hottest UFC fighters, and that’s ok.

It doesn’t matter that it’s the dashing good looks and awe inspiring physiques that get you watching in the first place, because it’s their fighting skills that then keep you watching. Yeah, of course it is.

So, without further ado here’s what’s hot, and what’s not, about the world of the Ultimate Fighting Championships.

THE LOOKS “OK” BUT YOU CAN TELL HE’S A KILLER IN THE SACK AWARD

Not every fighter is blessed with true physical beauty, and some who are have it drained out of them by a career full of destructive punches to the face. Despite that, some of those fighters you can just tell are great in bed. After all, if someone isn’t a perfect ten on the outside the chances are they have to try even harder to keep the women keen, right?

YOUR WINNER: “UNCLE CREEPY” IAN MCCALL

It’s not that Ian McCall is a bad looking guy, but he’s not a movie star. He’s kinda short and has that weird moustache. When you combine that with the “Uncle Creepy” nickname you know he’s bound to be down for some serious kink in the bedroom. That’s cute. At least by male standards. So when you’re not busy doing woman things, spare Ian a thought.

At least I look good with my cloths off @smugglingduds http://t.co/5ROixuAbSe pic.twitter.com/wqGgl1R2WB — Ian McCall (@Unclecreepymma) February 3, 2015

THE MUST BE HOMOSEXUAL BECAUSE HE LOOKS KINDA GIRLY AWARD

As we all know, you can make educated assumptions about a fighter’s private sexual preferences based on their physical appearance. It is one of the most accurate ways to determine a person’s sexuality. When a fighter is that pretty there is simply no other way to put it, some people just look gay.

YOUR WINNER: ELIAS THEODOROU

Many people say a picture paints a thousand words. A quick look at Elias Theodorou paints just one. Homosexual. Theodorou is clearly a man who takes great care of that beautiful, flowing, silky smooth hair. Look at his skin. It is to die for. You cannot tell me that he isn’t packing shelves full of product in the bathroom, and we all know what that means.

THE UFC’s BEST ASS AWARD

Don’t get things confused, this is not going to Dana White for being the biggest ass. This award celebrates the most perfect butt cheeks in all of the UFC. We know you wish that all fighters would wear those little lycra shorts, because they’re easily the best ones for really riding up and giving you a juicy eyeful when they’re grinding in top position.

YOUR WINNER: GEORGES ST-PIERRE

He might be on a hiatus that could turn into retirement, but while his future remains uncertain GSP is still fair game. And what fair game he has. Never seen in the cage in those big loose baggy shorts, the former welterweight king displays his bouncing buns of steel in the tightest pants the octagon has ever seen. Georges, your booty will never be forgotten.

Getting some manual therapy on leg, before stretching, strength exercises & water therapy. pic.twitter.com/zcEgC69s — Georges St-Pierre (@GeorgesStPierre) March 20, 2012

THE HE’S NOT REAL HOT, JUST FIGHTER HOT AWARD

You know the way Lucy in Admin becomes a not so secret fantasy in the office, just because she’s better than the other eye candy on offer? Well that applies to fighters too. The UFC is stacked with guys who you’d need a few gin and tonic’s to drop your panties for on a Friday night. In the confines of the UFC, surrounded by the Joe Lauzon’s and Antonio Silva’s of the world, they look like rock stars.

YOUR WINNER: SERGIO PETTIS

We totally swoon over cute little Sergio with that adorable boy thing he has going on but when you really break it down lets be honest, he’s not hot-hot, he’s just fighter hot. He’s only 5’6 which is a bad start. When you start to inspect his pics you see that his ears are kinda big too. We’re also not convinced about his hair. Basically, he’s not perfect, which makes him the perfect fit for this award. Congrats Sergio.

THE HOTTEST FIGHTER IN THE UFC AWARD

There are a handful of fighters who just have, well, everything. Whatever “it” is, they have it in abundance. The physique, the face, the charisma. They just ooze sex appeal from every pore and we love them for it. They fight too, and that’s cool, but lets remember what’s most important. They are the personification of all our sexual desires and we celebrate them for it.

YOUR WINNER: LUKE ROCKHOLD

From the washboard stomach to the chiselled jaw, Luke Rockhold is all man. When he smiles, our hearts beat like jackhammers. When he rocks the beard we want him to shave it off and post it to us so we can rub it all over our faces. When he fights we want to get so close to the cage that we can smell his armpits. We want to be there when he’s making weight so we can bottle up every last drop of sweat and drink it, and we’re not affraid to tell him so in each and every facebook comment and tweet that gets sent his way. Luke, you are the hottest fighter in the whole of the UFC and we just wanna bang bro.

It's on tonight back to weight feeling good ready to represent @aamlive pic.twitter.com/97VNl3VwVy — Luke Rockhold (@LukeRockhold) April 18, 2015

Editor Note: If you were made to feel in any way uncomfortable by what you have just read, we would welcome your honest and valuable feedback. Please ensure to include in your tweet, email, or death threat whether it is the obnoxious objectification of other human beings that creeps you out, or the fact that it’s being done to men rather than women.

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