Hey there, time traveller!

This article was published 19/5/2010 (3787 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Opinion

Mrs. Cranky Grammar Lady would like a word with you.

Yes, you. The ones selling TV's, CD's and VCR's. The ones who paid a sign painter to splash semi-literate ads across the front of their stores. The ones who wouldn't know an apostrophe from a possessive if it slapped them across the face with a gerund.

The one who believes Im an idiot because I cant accept that none of this matter's. So to speak.

Mrs. Cranky Grammar Lady is feeling touchy, her go-to position in these trying times. She is mourning the loss of the apostrophe, an old friend who served the world well. It has almost vanished from correct usage, sacrificed to a world where a contraction only happen to pregnant women.

A 10-minute drive around Winnipeg reveals the breadth of the problem. From billboards (yes, BOB FM, I mean you and your "80's, 90's and more whatever than ever before") to hand-lettered signs to boulevard displays advertising the daily "special's," we have abandoned proper punctuation.

We will now turn to the late New York Times columnist William Safire for an explanation of apostrophes:

One of the purposes of the apostrophe is to indicate possession -- that something belongs to someone or something. An apostrophe and an 's' may be added to a word to indicate possession, or just an apostrophe is added.

There's more:

The second purpose of the apostrophe is to indicate omission of letters or numbers -- words or numbers are combined or shortened, forming contractions. He offered the following examples:

1. Do not becomes don't.

2. Will not becomes won't.

3. They are becomes they're.

4. Who is becomes who's.

Why does any of this matter? Mrs. Cranky Grammar Lady was raised to value apostrophes. Indeed, she was raised to value all punctuation. Her mother was an English teacher, she was an English major, she is a journalist and she is married to a teacher. As well, she has far too much time on her hands.

Now, I am not picking on any local company. Well, maybe BOB FM (for the record, it's "80s, 90s and more whatever") but it seems pawn shops are often guilty of this grammar infraction. Many of them sell "stereo's" and "DVD's". But the sin can be found everywhere. The Burger King on Portage Avenue is advertising "Angry Whopper Its Back." At a later date, Mrs. Cranky Nutrition Lady will address all foods described as "angry."

A local company sells refrigerators and is especially proud of its "Walk In's." Clearline deals in "RV's." You can play the "VLT's" at several local bars. We won't even start with Tim Hortons, a chain named for Tim Horton. Yes, there should be an apostrophe.

Free Press Books editor Morley Walker, a noted crank, believes the misuse of apostrophes is a symptom of a much larger problem.

"It's everywhere," says Walker, his cheeks turning an attractive red. "We are surrounded by grammatical errors. People pay to have signs painted and they're wrong. Everywhere I turn, I see another example."

Is there a solution? Well, we could just give in and accept a world where "kid's" play outside, "LP's" are collected and the "Jones" are kept up with.

Or we can continue the fight, raging against text abbreviations ("U cant go 2 skool"). We can reject the semi-literate, the grammatically challenged and the indifference to the vanishing apostrophe. Or we can wave goodbye, whistling as our friends the semi-colon and the ellipses disappear without a whimper.

Mrs. Cranky Grammar Lady gets the vapours at the thought.

lindor.reynolds@freepress.mb.ca