Recap: Demetri was defeated and Saga challenged the next Gym Leader, but Jake fucked everything up by sucking at double battles.

Okay. Surely we got it this time. Genevieve took out the fire camel and the ghost chandelier pretty quickly. Jake was hardly any help at all, of course. Camerupt had used Fire Plume in the beginning but Genevieve was underground at the time, so it only hit Scrafty — if you were wondering why Jake’s Pokemon suddenly lost a bunch of HP for no reason.

I feel like… Jake looked at Saga with this determined expression and said “Don’t worry bro, I got this! Aggron, use Automize!” and his reasoning behind this was “Aggron will be so fast, no one will be able to hit him!”

Using it once in battle is understandable. Using it TWICE, the second time when you are on the brink of death, is deliberate sabotage.

I know things look tough for Genevieve, but I was not about to lose to Miranda again. She was going to make damn sure this was the last time we had to endure this Gym.

Okay… Genevieve couldn’t cut it…

Neither could Barret…

But Yukio swept in and knocked out Charizard with one AncientPower, so we’re still on track to winning.

I revived Genevieve and Barret and poor Shawn had to be the stand-in while this happened. He understood, though. He’s a Fire-Type himself, so getting fainted by a fire-move didn’t hurt too bad. I did legitimately think Yukio was going to survive longer, but that damn Flare Blitz is stronger than I anticipated.

Genevieve was totally the star of the fight. She kept digging underground, waiting out the enemy’s attacks, then popping up and OHKO-ing everyone. I don’t remember why I revived Barret and sent him out first… I think it was just because I wanted to make sure I had enough Pokemon to wait Miranda out in case I couldn’t win.

Plan B is always ‘revive until Struggles ensue’. I have only had to use that method a few times in my Pokemon life, but it’s there as a backup on the offchance I cannot win.

Genevieve’s stats at level 75.

Miranda: together.

HELL NO.

Jake: Absolutely not! They’re not swaggy enough! Just give us the badge!

Us? What did you do to deserve the badge? All of your Pokemon fainted. You should have blacked out and ran to a PokeCenter like I did. Six times.

Miranda: As you wish. *gives Inferno badge* This badge allows you to use the HM Dive outside of battle. I’m obligated to give you these as well. *gives TM for Overheat* Overheat is a move that does a lot of damage, but it hurts your stats afterwards. Can you two leave so I can close up? I have a date with Wilson of the Elite Four later tonight…

Next stop, the Elite Four!

I had to look up where to go next because I couldn’t figure it out on my own. I did learn that I was going to need to have DIVE on hand, so you know what that means…

…the return of Fish.

We have to make it through a very mysterious cave. Doing so involves a lot of DIVE-ing, so Fish is getting quite the workout.

What I think is funny is that Saga will automatically use the Instant Lapras even when Fish is in her team and can SURF perfectly well. It’s almost as if she knows just as well as I do that Fish is useless.

When we at last come up for air, we reach a place where it is constantly raining.

Okay. THAT was the LAST time I will ever use Fish. Ever. He is now finding a permanent home in the PC.

I wish I knew what these things were for.

I keep thinking it has something to do with the move Secret Power, but Foxxy knows it and I do not have the option to use it outside of battle, so I don’t know.

We walk through a cave real quick and reach the next actual town.

Somebody give this girl a job. She would make a fantastic tour guide.

Geez, look at this, there’a another Safari Zone!

It was fun exploring it for Pokemon, but again, I didn’t find anybody I wanted to keep. Besides, Saga’s current team of six is solid. I think I’m gonna keep them for the rest of the region.

We have to backtrack just a tad to the place where it’s always raining in order to get to Victory Road.

Haha! That’s true, every Victory Road is like that! Nicely said, hiker!

Yeah, that other guy said something similar too!

Uh-huh, dreams dying and stuff.

Does everybody say this in Victory Road? Yeesh, not very encouraging to potential Elite Four challengers.

Oh goddamnit, I need to DIVE.

FOR REAL this time, Fish, this is the absolute LAST time I will ever use you. Don’t get comfortable in the party.

Talk about lazy. What kind of excuse for an evolution is this? It’s a freaking Nosepass with a mustache. That’s not an evolution, it’s a freaking Nosepass with a mustache.

…the shit?

This little segment was absolutely infuriating. This took me forever to actually get through. Poor Barret’s paws were starting to catch frostbite.

You’ve been stabbed?! By who?! Who is running around Victory Road stabbing innocent trainers?!

You know what’ll take your mind off that pain? A Pokemon battle!

Oh… didn’t work, huh? That’s too bad.

Unfortunately, I have no way of taking you to the hospital, sooooo…

This game… this fucking game…

I laughed so hard at this. I don’t know why I found it so funny but damn…

This poor dude…

I caught a two-headed dragon thing just for the hell of it. I messed up my alphabetical order plan and thought he was destined for a “G” name, forgetting I already have one: Genevieve. I didn’t feel right about giving him just one name since there were two heads, so I called him Gabe & Gil.

Why of COURSE my rival is here while Fish is taking up a spot in my party! WONDERFUL.

Jake: cave. The Elite Four… the swaggiest challenge any trainer could ever ask for. Saga! It’s time for Team YOLOSWAG’s reckoning! Go, my grunts!

Grunts: SWAG! SWAG! SWAG!

You guys need to work on your battle cry…

By the end of the grunt battle, half of my team was fainted.

Yes, I threw Fish out into the fray as a sacrifice while I healed a different Pokemon. He needed to faint anyway so I wasn’t confused when I saw how many PokeBalls were available to me in battle.

After the grunt fight, Jake’s all, “Join Team YOLOSWAG!” and we tell him to go to hell, so he gets angry and wants to battle.

You didn’t miss much.

Yukio and Genevieve rocked Jake’s team by themselves. I only needed to use a healing item twice. I find it funny I actually was worried for a moment when I found out I had to fight Jake with only 3 Pokemon alive. He was no challenge.

Hey… hey now, don’t make me feel bad, it was just a battle! Victini will be okay!

Jake: I will have my vengeance for this! Just you wait!

Oh, that was anger, not sadness. Nevermind. Goodbye.

Jake: Team YOLOSWAG, swag out!

This is it!! Here we are, the Quasar League!!

I know next to nothing about the Elite Four except what little facts were revealed throughout the game. I have no idea what to expect, but I am confident in my team.

Shawn, the starter who has been with me since day one.

Yukio, the faithful Togekiss who has carried me on his wings from town to town, never once complaining.

Barret, the Pokemon who evolved so fast he never got to enjoy life as a cute little Shinx.

Genevieve, the shiny Garchomp who is always shiny no matter who buys the rare egg.

Zephyr, the loyal cat who turns invisible when he follows me in the overworld.

And Foxxy, the frustrating Eevee who didn’t turn into a Leafeon because I made stupid mistakes and made him a Glaceon instead… who wound up being one of the strongest members of my team.

We may not be the most conventional team, but by golly, we’re gonna push through until we hit the Hall of Fame!

TO BATTLE!