By Fran Ehret

I don’t need Star-Ledger columnist Tom Moran mansplaining to the public how I feel.

But that’s exactly what happened when Mr. Moran took it upon himself to be the arbiter as to whether a victim of misogny – like myself – believes an apology is sincere or not.

Let me explain…

Earlier this month, I testified before Senator Loretta Weinberg’s Work Group on Harassment and Sexual Assault and Misogyny. I did so because the things I experienced and witnessed by Senate President Steve Sweeney were exactly the kinds of incidents the group was created to address.

One story I shared was from an executive board meeting of the state AFL-CIO, where I served as a vice-president for more than a decade. Sweeney was invited to attend. His goal was to discourage public sector unions from holding a rally to fight plans to cut pensions and benefits.

In response to a union newsletter editorial I penned that criticized Sweeney for standing with Gov. Chris Christie as he attacked public workers, Sweeney stood in front of all those present at the meeting, pointed his finger at me and ​threatened: ​“If you were a man I would take you outside right now and kick your ass.”

I was shocked to be menaced by a man easily a foot taller than I am. Sweeney could, in fact, physically hurt me, if he wanted to​. When a man towers over you and threatens violence, that is not okay. That is sexism. That is abuse of power.

Following my testimony, Sweeney’s immediate response to reporters was to call me “a very dishonest person.” He also pretty much said I deserved it because I was a “ringleader” who had the gall to publicly oppose his attacks on public workers. Twenty-four hours later, Sweeney released a cleaned-up statement that said, he “did not share (my) recollection” of what happened. This makes me wonder: If this incident didn’t stick in his memory. How often does the Senate President threaten to beat people up?

Nevertheless, I decided to take the high road. I said I hoped Sweeney’s stated commitment to ending a misogynistic culture means he is not going to continue to use his power to create an environment of intimidation when people disagree.

I was going to leave it at that… until Tom Moran sought fit to use my experience as a jumping off point for a column in which he gets to decide whose apology is sincere and whose is a “fake political stunt.” What grants Moran the authority as to whether a target of abuse feels “vindicated” or “appreciative” after a half-baked, second-take apology only delivered after blow back.

No, Mr. Moran. I do not feel “vindicated.” Nor am I “appreciative.” And it’s not for you -- or any other man -- to tell people how I feel. This isn’t about me or a single isolated incident. It’s about an abusive culture of misusing position and power to squash dissent from women, minorities and low-wage workers.

While I’m glad Sweeney apologized for his physical threat to me, he failed to address or even acknowledge the other very public displays of bullying and vulgar abuse of power I laid out. It ignored how other women and I were subjected to intimidation at his Gloucester County Freeholder meetings or at the state AFL-CIO endorsement conference.

It’s about Sweeney’s “Path to Progress” town halls across the state, where he used building trades members as his personal muscle to menace those who disagreed. These men – and they were all men from what I saw – solely attended to intimidate the public sector workers, who were mostly women of color. And they used their size and physical presence to try just that.

So if we’re talking about bad political behavior, we have to recognize this particular brand of toxic masculinity. It’s not just a culture that includes sexist men hitting on women or talking about their bodies. It’s a pattern of trying to intimidate women for stepping out of their place, and it’s repulsive. I know because it has happened to me. And I’ve seen it happen to others.

I’ve witnessed a lot of abuse of power in the years I’ve represented workers and been involved in politics. I hope more women will feel safe to come forward and speak up. And I hope the work of Senator Weinberg’s committee will help eradicate the terrible environment that women in this state have been forced to suffer through for far too long.

Fran Ehret is a national staff representative for the Communications Workers of America and democratic state committee person from Middlesex County.

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