18 May, 2016. 11:34

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

SHEENA DECKHART IS TORN between her blind love for a Gold Logie-winning presenter and her outright determination not to consume animal products.

Last night, Waleed Aly grabbed the bandleader’s baton and lead the march toward getting to the bottom of the rotten mess that is the dairy industry, which he ended with a plea to all Australians to go out and enjoy more of our homegrown dairy products.

That’s left the 29-year-old-mother-of-one picking up the pieces.

“Um… So next week he’ll be telling me to get my child vaccinated? I love Waleed, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t think he considers everybody when he says these things,” she said.

“To be honest, I was thinking about buying some cheese because Waleed asked me to, but I chickened out at the supermarket. As soon as I entered that aisle, I could feel a panic attack coming on. All those cheeses and meats in the fridge,”

“Maybe I can just donate? That’s what my life partner has told me to do.”

Trying to do his best, but failing most of the time, 30-year-old carpenter Joel Hagmanhan has been with Sheena for almost five years. They welcomed their first daughter into the world just last year.

While he says adopting the vegan lifestyle has been difficult, he usually draws the line at watching The Project each night.

“Back in the day, I’d duck out onto the deck and have a smoke or something, maybe watch some porn on my phone. You know, bloke stuff,” he said.

“But then the vegan shit happened, then she didn’t want to vaccinate our Missy, our daughter. I drew the line at that. The folks and I paid for a weekend away for her and her fucking sister up the coast, which is when I got Missy jabbed on the Saturday and took the band-aid off the next day. Easy peasy,”

“But yeah mate, sorry to drift off there. This household already consumes a lot of dairy products. The first thing I do in the morning is get a flat white from a cafe I know Sheena would never go to. I keep a log of devon and a block of Coon in the fridge at work for lunch, I’m sweet mate.” he said, low-fiving his mate walking past.