The NCAA announced today that they are launching an investigation into allegations that the University of Georgia has been pumping artificial crowd literacy into Sanford Stadium on game days. The investigation was prompted after numerous opposition players and coaches reported that they could actually understand the insults being hurled at them from the stands.

The following is an excerpt from the official NCAA report released earlier today:

"In accordance with Article 19 of the Division I Charter, the National Collegiate Athletics Association hereby opens an investigation into the allegations made against the University (sic) of Georgia that artificial crowd literacy has been pumped into Sanford Stadium on game days with the express purpose of attempting to portray fans of U(sic)GA as anything other than the drooling dumbasses* that we all know they are.

*The term ‘drooling dumbasses’ is officially defined in the NCAA Labels and Titles HandbookⓇ, specifically in Section 2.5c “SEC Students and Fans." See also: 'Walmart Fans.'"

The allegations were made based on a number of instances of suspiciously literate behavior witnessed by several firsthand observers. These alleged instances of literacy include, but are not limited to, the following: