by JustTony » Tue Apr 08, 2008 2:40 am

I am not officially against psychiatry YET...key word yet, becaus I dont know all the facts and I am posting even this on pure suspicion and fear. Fear that I have been messed with beyond repair.



I was a troubled youth, i can admit that. My folks split up when I was young. I was raised by a single-mother who had alot of issues and was always bringing different ppl in the house for personal reasons. We also were not that well off financially, but my mom later got a govt. job and that changed 4 the better a little bit.



She also went from secular to devout christian in a matter of months and next thing I know my butt is stuck in christian camps and church schools learning how evil I was and how imperfect I am. I was also taught a bunch of #######4 morals that had nothing at all to do with Christianity, which ###$ me up alot honestly cause it was soo confusing.



Anyways I got kicked out of alot of schools because i couldnt tolerate verbal persecution and other injustices brought upon me so I chose to fight people. And one thing my hockey playing taught me, I was a great fighter and to this day have lost few, and have fought MANY. I also joined in with a "sub-culture" as my parents and teachers refferred to it, and began partying and drinking yadda yadda, honestly it was all typical teenage behavior blown out of proportion by a confused Christian parent with an even stricter Christian husband, who became known as my sted-father, who I suspect truly cares little about me and my siblings. And because the wilderness program I was basically kidnapped and taken to against my will was run by former military personnel, and he is a retired lt. colonel, I suspect it was his idea, not my REAL parent's.



Anyways I was out in the Utah dessert at a wilderness camp called 2nd Nature, based in Duchesne, for 4 months and did a month in "after-care" but I got kicked out. I was supposed to do 9 months but I said "###$ that" and caused a little arguement and got expelled. But while I was out there, we were over 50 miles away from ANY civilization and miles from any road. We had nothing except hiking and camping gear and ate dehydrated $#%^ the whole time except for a few special occasions, that werent too special if u ask me. They evaluated our every move, we were forced to write daily journal entrys and do psychological excercises and group therapy. We had NOTHING from the modern world, and were not kept up to date on anything, not news, not date, not even time of day.



Now that Im back, I am SOOO different. I used to have friends and do ALOT of sports and activities. I could get along fairly well with others and loved to be "nice" to other ppl. NOW, my life sucks! It already sucked but now it is living hell. I obsess about the smallest $#%^. I cant even hold a decent conversation with my own family, let alone one of my old friends. I feel brainwashed, I feel they told me a great big lie that I cant even re-call. All I know is now the world is crashing down on me, and it wasnt before I went. I have even heard ppl from my group tell me they put $#%^ in the water we drank out there, which they forced us to drink nearly a Gallon per day to "avoid dehydration." I was not depressed b4 I went out there, now I am, and was prescribed Lexapro which I took for about a month, hated it, and quit cold turkey. $#%^ is worse than it has ever been tho. Everything I say offends ppl, Im arrogant, Im provocative. I feel like $#%^, my family and friends hate me, and I feel crazy... Why all this $#%^ happen after 2nd Nature. How could my own parents do this $#%^ to me? Am I really such a failure? Did I really deserve to be put through this living hell? everyday is torture, what do I do? And can I reasonably place any blame on 2nd Nature, or is that just looking for an excuse? I dont even know anywore!!!!