*Big Sean and Ariana Grande are hanging out in the backseat of a limousine when “Mercy” comes on*

“Drop it to the floor, make that ass shake. Make the ground move, that’s an ass-quake”

Ariana Grande: Sean, do you think my ass could cause an ass-quake

Big Sean: *Scrolling absent-mindedly on his phone* Of course, babe.

Ariana Grande: You’re just saying that. Don’t placate me, Sean. I’m not a child.

Big Sean: Come on, babe. Why are you getting upset? I wrote that song like three years ago.

Ariana Grande: So, you don’t think my ass could cause an ass-quake?

Big Sean: No, that’s not what I’m saying. Why do you always have to twist my words like that?

Ariana Grande: It’s okay, Sean. You can be honest.

Big Sean: But, I don’t even see why this matters?! I don’t even like asses that much.

Ariana Grande: You made an entire song where the chorus just goes “ass, ass, ass, ass, ass”

Big Sean: Ariana, I literally can’t have this conversation again.

Ariana Grande: Maybe if you were just honest about your feelings for once, we wouldn’t have to keep having this conversation.

Big Sean: Maybe if you didn’t bring it up every other day…

Ariana Grande: But, it’s important to me, Sean! It’s nice to know that the things that are important to me aren’t important to you.

Big Sean: Wow. Um… That’s… Just… Wow. I don’t even know how to respond to that.

*Big Sean and Ariana Grande sit in silence for a couple of minutes*

Ariana Grande: Sean?

Big Sean: *No Response*

Ariana Grande: Sean?

Big Sean: *No Response*

Ariana Grande: SEAN!

Big Sean: WHAT, ARIANA?! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!

Ariana Grande: What are you thinking?

Big Sean: You don’t want to know.

Ariana Grande: Of course I want to know. I always want to know.

Big Sean: I’m thinking about how rare it is for rappers to be in monogamous relationships. And how there’s a million trillion things I’d rather be doing than sitting here and babysitting your insecurities.

Ariana Grande: *Starts Sobbing Uncontrollably* STOP USING THAT NUMBER SEAN. YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW MANY ZEROES THERE ARE IN A MILLION TRILLION.

Big Sean: *trying to count on his fingers* Aww, come on, Ariana, don’t cry…

Ariana Grande: All I wanted to know is whether my ass could cause an ass-quake.

Big Sean: I said it could!

Ariana Grande: But, you didn’t mean it!

Big Sean: Of course I meant it! Babe, your ass causes ass-quakes in my heart. I heard San Francisco is in danger from one of your ass-quakes.

Ariana Grande: *Sobs begin to subside* Really? You mean it?

Big Sean: Of course, Babe.

Ariana Grande: Aww, Sean! That’s all I wanted to hear.

Big Sean: *under his breath* I gotta get the fuck out of this relationship

Ariana Grande: What was that?

Big Sean: Nothing, babe.

*Big Sean’s “Dance (A$$)” starts playing in the car*

Ariana Grande: Babe, who has a nicer ass? Me or Nicki?

Big Sean: YO, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS DRIVER EVEN LISTENING TO?! WHAT IS THIS, A “BIG SEAN LIKES ASS” SPOTIFY PLAYLIST?!

END.