Welcome to the 2016 NBA Playoffs. We doubt you need help getting hyped up, but juust in case you have a bit of a hangover from Kobe's big night or the Warriors' record-breaking season, we're here for you. We ranked all 241 players on official playoff rosters by the highly scientific measure of INTRIGUE, grouped in super-relevant tiers. Enjoy.

Nah

241. Aaron Harrison, Hornets

240. Branden Dawson, Clippers

239. Glenn Robinson III, Pacers

238. Josh Huestis, Thunder

237. Tim Hardaway Jr., Hawks

236. Ty Lawson, Pacers

Injured

235. Brandan Wright, Grizzlies

234. Chandler Parsons, Mavericks

233. Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, Hornets

232. Mike Conley, Grizzlies

[Deep Sigh]

231. Chris Bosh, Heat

230. Marc Gasol, Grizzlies

Gasol is definitely out for the playoffs, and there's no sign Bosh is ready to come back.

TMZ All-Star

229. Matt Barnes, Grizzlies

Come Again?

228. Joe Young, Pacers

227. John Holland, Celtics

226. Jordan McRae, Cavaliers

225. Lamar Patterson, Hawks

224. Lorenzo Brown, Pistons

223. Pat Connaughton, Blazers

222. Spencer Dinwiddie, Pistons

221. Troy Daniels, Hornets

Memphis M.A.S.H. Unit

220. Bryce Cotton, Grizzlies

219. Jarell Martin, Grizzlies

218. Jordan Adams, Grizzlies

217. Jordan Farmar, Grizzlies

216. Xavier Munford, Grizzlies

215. JaMychal Green, Grizzlies

He's In The League?!

214. Andrew Goudelock, Rockets

213. Brian Roberts, Blazers

212. Charlie Villanueva, Mavericks

211. Chris Kaman, Blazers

210. Darrun Hilliard, Pistons

209. JaVale McGee, Mavericks

208. Jeff Ayres, Clippers

207. Joel Anthony, Pistons

206. Jorge Gutierrez, Hornets

205. Kirk Hinrich, Hawks

204. Kris Humphries, Hawks

203. Nazr Mohammed, Thunder

202. Rakeem Christmas, Pacers

201. Richard Jefferson, Cavaliers

200. Sasha Kaun, Cavaliers

199. Steve Blake, Pistons

White Hornets

198. Cody Zeller, Hornets

197. Spencer Hawes, Hornets

196. Tyler Hansbrough, Hornets

195. Frank Kaminsky, Hornets

Honorary White Hornets

194. Josh McRoberts, Heat

193. Mason Plumlee, Blazers

192. Meyers Leonard, Blazers

191. Mike Muscala, Hawks

190. Mitch McGary, Thunder

189. Tyler Zeller, Celtics

These men belong on the Hornets!

Eh

188. Terry Rozier, Celtics

187. Andre Roberson, Thunder

186. Gerald Green, Heat

185. Gerald Henderson, Blazers

184. Mike Scott, Hawks

183. James Johnson, Raptors

182. Rodney Stuckey, Pacers

181. Terrence Jones, Rockets

180. Terrence Ross, Raptors

179. Wesley Johnson, Clippers

178. Kyle Singler, Thunder

177. Austin Rivers, Clippers

Employed Due To Height

176. Cole Aldrich, Clippers

175. Jordan Hill, Pacers

174. Lavoy Allen, Pacers

173. Solomon Hill, Pacers

172. Timofey Mozgov, Cavaliers

Better in Theory Than in Practice

171. Anthony Morrow, Thunder

Extremely Late Roster Additions

170. Briante Weber, Heat

169. Dahntay Jones, Cavaliers

168. Dorell Wright, Heat

These guys all joined their playoff teams this week.

Irrelevant Warriors

167. Anderson Varejao, Warriors

166. Brandon Rush, Warriors

165. Ian Clark, Warriors

164. James Michael McAdoo, Warriors

163. Kevon Looney, Warriors

162. Leandro Barbosa, Warriors

No offense to the Brazilian Blur or Andy V., but let's be real.

Cagey Vets

161. Anthony Tolliver, Pistons

160. Chris Andersen, Grizzlies

159. Courtney Lee, Hornets

158. David Lee, Mavericks

157. James Jones, Cavaliers

156. Jason Terry, Rockets

155. Jason Thompson, Raptors

154. Jodie Meeks, Pistons

153. Joe Johnson, Heat

152. Luc Mbah a Moute, Clippers

151. Luis Scola, Raptors

150. Mo Williams, Cavaliers

149. Randy Foye, Thunder

148. Udonis Haslem, Heat

147. David West, Spurs

146. Al Jefferson, Hornets

145. Amare Stoudemire, Heat

144. Luol Deng, Heat

143. Jamal Crawford, Clippers

142. Amir Johnson, Celtics

Mean Euros

141. Jonas Jerebko, Celtics

140. Jonas Valanciunas, Raptors

139. Zaza Pachulia, Mavericks

Honorary Mean Euros

138. Pablo Prigioni, Clippers

137. Salah Mejri, Mavericks

136. Tiago Splitter, Hawks

Cool Jeremies

135. Jeremy Evans, Mavericks

134. Jeremy Lamb, Hornets

133. Jeremy Lin, Hornets

But really, does there exist an uncool Jeremy?

Fun Trail Blazers

132. Luis Montero, Blazers

131. Maurice Harkless, Blazers

Amazing Frenchmen

130. Boris Diaw, Spurs

129. Nicolas Batum, Hornets

128. Tony Parker, Spurs

Honorary Amazing Frenchmen

127. Thabo Sefolosha, Hawks

Spurs Gems

126. Jonathan Simmons, Spurs

125. Kevin Martin, Spurs

124. Kyle Anderson, Spurs

Mavericks Rejuvenation Machine

123. Raymond Felton, Mavericks

122. Deron Williams,Mavericks

121. Devin Harris, Mavericks

Honorary Aussie Kiwi Alliance

120. Nick Collison, Thunder

119. Shayne Whittington, Pacers

Collison is basically an American Australian. And I'm stunned that with that name and beard Whittington is from Michigan and not Brisbane.

Aussie Kiwi Alliance

118. Aron Baynes, Pistons

117. Matthew Dellavedova, Cavaliers

116. Patty Mills, Spurs

115. Steven Adams, Thunder

Heroes of the Shire

114. Matt Bonner, Spurs

Still the NBA's only New Hampshirite!

Basketball PhD

113. Andre Miller, Spurs

The doctor is still taking patients.

First Team All Initials

112. R.J. Hunter, Celtics

111. K.J. McDaniels, Rockets

110. P.J. Hairston, Grizzlies

109. J.R. Smith, Cavaliers

108. J.J. Barea, Mavericks

107. J.J. Redick, Clippers

Grimey

106. Patrick Beverley, Rockets

105. Tony Allen, Grizzlies

104. Zach Randolph, Grizzlies

If anyone suffers a facial injury in the playoffs, blame these dudes.

Awesome Young Raptors

103. Bruno Caboclo, Raptors

102. Delon Wright, Raptors

101. Lucas Noguiera, Raptors

100. Norman Powell, Raptors

These dudes will dunk on you, America. Viciously.

Honorary Awesome Young Raptors

99. Walter Tavares, Hawks

You know it's gonna happen.

Nice Hair

98. Dennis Schroder, Hawks

97. Iman Shumpert, Cavaliers

Has It All

96. Monta Ellis, Pacers

Mercenary With a Ring

95. Michael Beasley, Rockets

Maddening

94. Jeff Green, Clippers

93. Josh Smith, Rockets

92. Lance Stephenson, Grizzlies

Neat Canadians

91. Cory Joseph, Raptors

90. Kelly Olynyk, Celtics

Impactful Role Players

89. C.J. Miles, Pacers

88. Marcus Morris, Pistons

87. Corey Brewer, Rockets

86. George Hill, Pacers

85. Trevor Ariza, Rockets

84. Al-Farouq Aminu, Blazers

83. Kyle Korver, Hawks

82. Marvin Williams, Hornets

81. Enes Kanter, Thunder

80. Ed Davis, Blazers

79. Patrick Patterson, Raptors

78. Danny Green, Spurs

77. Shaun Livingston

76. Andrew Bogut, Warriors

Gets Buckets

75. Marreese Speights, Warriors

Intriguing Via Youth

74. Cliff Alexander, Blazers

73. CJ Wilcox, Clippers

72. Noah Vonleh, Blazers

71. James Young, Celtics

70. Jordan Mickey, Celtics

69. Montrezl Harrell, Rockets

68. Tyler Johnson, Heat

67. Reggie Bullock, Pistons

66. Sam Dekker, Rockets

65. Justin Anderson, Mavericks

64. Dwight Powell, Mavericks

63. Clint Capela, Rockets

62. Josh Richardson, Heat

61. Stanley Johnson, Pistons

60. Marcus Smart, Celtics

59. Tobias Harris, Pistons

58. Myles Turner, Pacers

Tier 3 Stars

57. Jeff Teague, Hawks

56. Avery Bradley, Celtics

55. Wesley Matthews, Mavericks

54. Goran Dragic, Heat

53. Jae Crowder, Celtics

52. Kentavious Caldwell-Pope, Pistons

51. Reggie Jackson, Pistons

50. Andre Iguodala, Warriors

Tall Free Agents of Intrigue

49. Ian Mahinmi, Pacers

48. Jared Sullinger, Celtics

47. Donatas Motiejunas, Rockets

46. Dwight Howard, Rockets

45. Hassan Whiteside, Heat

There's obviously a gulf between Mahinmi and Whiteside, and I'm loathe to group a character as fascinating as D-Ho in there, but it is what it is.

Men of Mystery

44. DeMarre Carroll, Raptors

43. Festus Ezeli, Warriors

They could be vital to their teams' ultimate success, or they could rack up DNPs due to health. Who knows?

Harrison Barnes

42. Harrison Barnes, Warriors

Harrison Barnes.

Hook All-Stars

41. Bismack Biyombo, Raptors

40. Evan Turner, Celtics

39. Dion Waiters, Thunder

38. Allen Crabbe, Blazers

My favorite non-superstars in the league. Biyombo and Turner are good despite being labeled busts. Dion Waiters is a mini Kobe without, you know, the success. Allen Crabbe is life.

Dap Genius

37. Cameron Payne, Thunder

The Potential Keystone

36. Channing Frye, Cavaliers

35. Tristan Thompson, Cavaliers

If the Cavaliers think they are beating the Warriors in the Finals, it is for one of three reasons or some combination thereof: They'll have Kevin Love and Kyrie Irving this time, the Warriors will be worn down by the West powers and because Tristan Thompson will chase everyone everywhere while Channing Frye drills those corner threes off LeBron passes.

Tier 2 Stars

34. C.J. McCollum, Blazers

33. DeAndre Jordan, Clippers

32. DeMar DeRozan, Raptors

31. Isaiah Thomas, Celtics

30. Kyle Lowry, Raptors

29. LaMarcus Aldridge, Spurs

29. Al Horford, Hawks

27. Paul Millsap, Hawks

26. Serge Ibaka, Thunder

These dudes are so fun.

BOBAN

25. Boban Marjanovic, Spurs

Boban.

BAZEMORE

24. Kent Bazemore, Hawks

Bazemore!

Young Stars' First Taste

23. Justise Winslow, Heat

22. Kemba Walker, Hornets

21. Andre Drummond, Pistons

I'm taking some liberties with Winslow on this list, but he sure performed well under bright lights at Duke last season. I'm excited.

Legends

20. Vince Carter, Grizzlies

19. Manu Ginobili, Spurs

18. Paul Pierce, Clippers

17. Dirk Nowitzki, Mavericks

16. Tim Duncan, Spurs

Think any of them will take 50 field goal attempts in a game this postseason?

Superstars

15. Dwyane Wade, Heat

14. Kawhi Leonard, Spurs

13. Klay Thompson, Warriors

12. Paul George, Pacers

11. Damian Lillard, Blazers

10. Draymond Green, Warriors

9. Russell Westbrook, Thunder

Yes, please.

Superstars Under Fire

8. Chris Paul, Clippers

7. James Harden, Rockets

6. Kyrie Irving, Cavaliers

5. Kevin Love, Cavaliers

4. Blake Griffin, Clippers

This is an important postseason for all of these stars. CP3 still has a really weird albatross about playoff success around his neck. Harden has a horror season despite putting up huge stats; his reputation needs a salve. Irving and Love continue to struggle to live up to LeBron's very public expectations. And Griffin? Yeah, he needs this to go well after the season he had.

The King

3. LeBron James, Cavaliers

Maybe the East playoffs don't move the needle in the aggregate, but any time King James is on the court in the playoffs, it sure as hell is worth watching. And the way he's been playing the last month? Woo boy. Let's go.

Superstar With A Very Interesting Summer Ahead

2. Kevin Durant, Thunder

We can't know whether what happens to Durant and the Thunder over the next one to two months actually matters. Perhaps he's already decided to stay in OKC one more year to line up his free agency with that of Russell Westbrook; perhaps he's hitting the open market regardless. But you have to believe that how the Thunder do here will impact the color of Durant's decision, his feelings heading in. As such, all eyes will be on how he and Westbrook carry the team together.

The GOOT (Greatest Of Our Time)

1. Stephen Curry, Warriors

As he proved all season long, if Stephen Curry is on a basketball court -- or hell, near a basketball court -- you'd best pay close attention, because absolutely anything can and will happen. Last year represented Curry's first deep playoff run. There were obvious jitters in the Finals. You think Steph has a single frayed nerve in his body after going 73-9, after shooting 50/40/90, after hitting 400 threes? Nope, nope, nope. Get ready to believe in something not of this world. Again.

Better Than a Video Game: NBA 2K16 can't keep up with Stephen Curry

Be sure to subscribe to SB Nation's YouTube channel for highlight videos, features, analysis and more