When you really start studying human behavior seriously, one of the first things you will notice is how often people do things because they are “supposed to” without any other logical reason. Beware of these obligations; there is freedom hidden behind them.

Just now, on Facebook, I saw a friend’s status:

“I can barely keep my eyes open, is it too early for bed?”

Give that a moment of thought. She is so tired that she is fighting against it. But wait… why is she fighting against it?

The same thing often happens at work when you ask people to join you for lunch at 11:00 in the morning.

“I’m gonna eat. You hungry?”

“Yeah, but it’s too early for lunch.”

These are very basic examples of people who will avoid something they need, based only on social habits.

When you surround people with a behavior that everyone else does, the reason for doing that becomes… wait for it… the fact that everyone else does it. Nothing more.

It’s irrational.

There is no gain other than our psychological comfort.

The problem happens when you try to change an irrational behavior. People eat food because they are hungry and will die without it. But we eat food at “lunch time” because of social expectations. Even when we are alone.

The only negative consequence for eating at another time is… well, there is no consequence, and that’s kind of my point.

The same is true with “bed time”. There is no such thing as a bed time! It is merely a rule that has been built into our collective behavior so the business world can run on a schedule or so parents can get young kids to sleep.

If you’re exhausted, staying awake is the most irrational thing you can do. What’s the worst that can happen? You get a good night’s rest? Sounds awful.

And it’s not just about times. Those are just easy examples. Ask yourself why a swear word is a swear word. Unless you’re a linguist, you probably have no idea what is so bad about the word “fuck”. And outside North America, the word “shit” is used by little kids. And their teachers in school. And politicians on television. And priests in church.

If you’re fighting the urge to think that other countries are less civilized because of this, congratulations! You are now aware of your own culture.

We often judge others based on the rules we are “supposed to” follow ourselves, even though they are entirely cultural and irrational. Your inner voice says, “If I have to do it, they have to do it, it doesn’t matter why.”

We consider it “disrespectful” when someone doesn’t follow the rules we expect. Swear words are offensive because we’ve been taught to be offended when we hear them, not because they mean something to us.

This makes life more complicated than it has to be.

But even worse, these social obligations create an opportunity for other people to manipulate you. If they know you are willing to do something only because other people expect it, they can control the way you see a situation.

Your boss can tell you that it is “standard” to get a raise of 2% and somehow we start to feel guilty that we are worth more than the “standard”.

When you do what everyone does, you get what everyone gets.

As long as you are following social obligations without question, you can never truly begin to understand human behavior as a concept. You are welcome to follow those obligations because you prefer them, but you must be aware of your other options before you can choose what you prefer.