. In this installment, we attend a fancy industry wine tasting at The Bowery Hotel.





How We Decided To Go



(Go Lady Libs!!) This hat is less stupid, but it still implies fun and drinking and maybe witchcraft and definitely some light marijuana use, which I did not do, because unlike some Noah’s, I adhere to our rules. (Sidenote: As ever, I apologize for the poor quality of our photos, but if anything, it proves how STUPID effed up we are at the time of their taking. We're the real deal!)





Noah: One time when I was hanging out with Sarah, she introduced me to her friend Tim, who is a Somalian, which is a fancy word for a guy from Somalia. Unlike the Somalians you see on TV, Tim is a dashing, tall white man with good diction. He also knows so much about wine. Tim offered to take us to a fancy wine tasting for Drunk Girl / High Guy, which was very nice and dashing of him. We accepted!





How Sarah Got Drunk



This event took place during the day. A Tuesday, to be exact. I think I’ve established that I love drinking, and I would never imply otherwise, but it’s just hard to get geared up to get drunk at 1:30 on a Tuesday when you aspire to be a functioning member of society, as I do from time to time. It’s also embarrassing to walk into a wine store at noon and buy a bottle of Pinot Noir. I tried to distract the clerk when I walked in and heard “November Rain” playing by yelling, “Too soon!” He then gave me a weird look (fair) and I stuttered, “B-because it-it’s October.” So then he was frightened of me, which nicely distracted from the aforementioned “it was a Tuesday at noon and I was buying wine like a wino” fact.



, but less gaining and losing of weight and yoga and finding spirituality and Balinese sex, and more drinking and getting high. But instead of working on that, we made a list of movies that are similar:

Eat, Pray, Love



Dantes Peak/Volcano

Deep Impact/Armageddon

Broke Down Palace/Return to Paradise

Copote/Notorious

Black Dahlia/Hollywood Land

Lake Placid/Deep Blue Sea



That last one isn’t so much true, but they both involve scary amphibious creatures eating people. So. Relax.



Then Noah spent some time staring at the yellow tape in my tape player. Let’s just skip over the fact that I’m the dick with a tape player and move on.



How Noah Got High









Getting There



Sarah: By this time Tim had joined us, and while we walked to the Bowery Hotel I asked Noah to show Tim photos that he had taken of journal entries that he had written when he was seven because they’re super cute. And he had literally just showed them to me in my apartment. At the exact same time they were both like, “Ew, no. Dudes don’t do that.” And then, seriously, they proceeded to exclude me from the conversation and share everything about themselves to each other over the course of the five minute walk over, save for looking at a dumb misspelled journal entry about snakes that Noah did when he was seven. Men are from Mars, Women are from The Planet Where Normal People Who Request Normal Things Live, I guess.



Noah: Interesting thing about Sarah: The girl has no concept of how male human beings normally interact with one another. A few weeks ago, my mom sent me all this stuff I had written as a kid: a journal from 2nd grade, a journal from 4th grade, and a bunch of short stories from slightly later on in life. I had taken pictures of a couple of them because I thought they were funny. And, yes, also cute. They are very cute. I was killing it at being a kid when I was a kid. Look!

