Share 0 SHARES

RUSSIA and Iran have warned the US they will “respond with force” if their own “red lines” are crossed in Syria, confirmed a source this journalist never bothered to validate.

In the reliable statement that was sourced online somewhere by some other newspaper that we usually copy and paste from, the U.S. strike on a Syrian air base on Friday crossed “red lines” and it would respond to any new aggression, and that’s good enough for us.

“From now on we will respond with force to any aggressor or any breach of red lines from whoever it is and America knows our ability to respond well,” said the statement, which was first published by media outlet Ilam al Harbi, which doesn’t actually exist, however, it is acceptable to pretend it does because Reuters, The Independent, The Sunday Express and Zero Hedge also shared the exact same piece, almost word for word, thus making it true.

The statement which was written in Arabic, a language apparently fluently spoken in Russia and Iran in times of impending war with the US, claims Russia, Iran and militias supporting Syrian President Bashar al-Assad convene at a secret “joint command centre”, which is an exciting new media term someone invented to perfectly sum up “that lot over there”.

Meanwhile, we’ll finish off this piece with some “expert” information about how the Russians are responsible for allowing the latest gas attack to happen, with a subtle suggestion they planned it.

The short-to-medium term hope is our readers will believe the first few paragraphs, and begin to sweat profusely at the thought of a nuclear apocalypse and not question anything that riles your fears of a world war, because that’s not the kind of thing we would want to do to our readers.