You have skills. Use them!

From the Department of You Can’t Make This Crap Up, The U.S. Office of Personnel Management has an idea for federal workers getting screwed out of a paycheck during Donald Trump’s government shutdown:

A furloughed employee might offer to trade maintenance services such as painting or carpentry work in exchange for a reduction in rent.

Okay then, problem solved. But in the event you can’t paint or do carpentry work, or if your landlord or mortgage company insists on getting paid with actual money, fear not, because you can just show them the handy letter the Department of Homeland Security has circulated, thanking your creditors “for your patience and compassion towards our employees during this time.”

But if the bartering system or the letter doesn’t keep a roof over your head, the OPM has another suggestion:

If you need legal advice please consult with your personal attorney.

Well, sure. Stop beating yourself up for skipping shop class in high school and just ring up your personal attorney. Doesn’t everyone living paycheck to paycheck have someone from Dewey, Cheatum & Howe on retainer?