(A guy comes in looking a bit haggard.)

Me: “Hi sir! Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “Let’s move to the back of the store.”

(He takes my arm and we walk to one of the last shelves of the store.)

Customer: “I need a book on immortality.”

Me: “All right – we’ve got science fiction over here…”

Customer: “No, I need to research immortality. I’m immortal. See this scar on my neck? A guy cut me a couple days ago and it’s almost healed. I’m immortal.”

(I stare at the large cut on his neck that is laced together with stitches).

Me: “Um, I’m not sure if we have any books like that.”

Customer: “Well, can you buy me a sword from the store next door?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not allowed to do that.”

Customer: “I promise I’ll pay you back. I’ll give you my ID so you can track me down later and everything. I need a sword.”

Me: “Really, I could get fired for that.”

(The customer looks up and then starts sniffing the air.)

Customer: “They’re coming. I have to go!” *runs out of the store*