10. Dublin

You know you're struggling to pitch your city when one of your key selling points is that it's 15 minutes from the airport. Note to Dublin tourism bigwigs: Google has offices everywhere now.

Best line: “Where enthusiasm, energy and positivity meets no problem and can do and absolutely.”

9. Vancouver

This promotional mini-film from 1960 pitches the biggest city in British Columbia, Canada as a romantic destination for a honeymoon. And why not? After all, as the narrator explains, Vancouver's port is sheltered and spacious. The heart flutters just thinking about it.



Best line: "There's a saying in the west that when a tree falls anywhere in BC, its echo is heard in the financial centre of Vancouver, for this is the business centre of western Canada's lumber industry."

8. Dubai

Ten-year-old Ali – a linen-swathed, tooth-whitened embodiment of oil-wealth entitlement – is a much worse advertisement for Dubai than he is for never having children. One nice touch is showing a happy blonde-haired family when Ali talks about how clean, healthy and safe Dubai is. Plus apparently there's no pollution.



Best line: “I live in the greatest city in the world: Dubai, in the United Arab Emirates. OK, I haven't seen many other cities.”

7. Stockholm



A campy and thoroughly unsubtle attempt to attract gay tourists of all ages, by selling the idea that you can sleep with a Swede (“You'll LOVE my bed,” etc). About as clever and sexy as a bag of week-old cinnamon buns.

Best line: "It's very high-profile."

6. Riga

The heterosexual Latvian equivalent (there's a phrase you don't get to write very often) to the Stockholm campaign, the message here is simple: visit Riga, take photos, meet babes. As my colleague points out, this one gets part marks just for being a video of Riga “that isn't full of pissed-up stag parties firing unlicensed machineguns at shop mannequins”.



Best line: The laugh at 3:22.





5. Cincinnati

How is this guy a city spokesperson? Look at his trousers. Respect is due, however, for the bold plan to sell a city by pointing out how unremarkable it is – a marketing approach perhaps inspired by the classic Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video (“Come and look at both of our buildings, buy some food that's prepared near the street”). “We put chili on our spaghetti, on purpose, and we like it.” Yeah it's called spag bol, mate.



Best line: “We innovate. Stuff like … fire departments!”

4. Barcelona

“What should feature in our promotional film about Barcelona?” “Well, let's see. What are our civic assets?” “Hmm … cafes, squares, pigeons, bars, Gaudi, scooters, paella, trees, fountains – ” “Whoa. WHOA. Did you say fountains?” “Are you thinking what I'm thinking?” “A four-minute tourism video comprised entirely of stock footage of fountains?”



Best line: The soothing patter of water hitting stone.



3. Astana

CGI eagles, pumping tech-house, solar systems, more eagles and a gigantic human hand holding a DNA helix – where else could it be but Astana, the capital of Kazakhstan?

Best line: “Astana is an unusual town. Each of the founders left his own little world here, his vision of beauty. This mosaic has merged into a living person, a reflection of our soul. The energy of the soul is the most powerful, life-giving, all-encompassing and powerful force on the face of the Earth.”

2 Singapore

Hastily pulled by embarrassed authorities after an explosion of internet parodies, this 3-minute video for the Singapore tourism board follows a couple on their anniversary break in the city. With a script as varied and exciting as Singapore itself, featuring lines like “Honey, look!” and “Honey, look at that!” and “Wow, amazing!”, this is truly a classic of the genre. Be sure to watch until the end for the plot twist.



Best line: “Look, honey!”

1. Miami

One by one, three sultry women turn to the camera: “I'm red, I love.” “I'm yellow, I groove.” “I'm blue, I … appreciate.” Male voiceover: “There's one place where colours and people best come together.” (Geddit?) And so begins 13 hilarious minutes of unceasing sexual innuendo – “Forgive me for coming in the back way”, “You know I've been EVERYwhere”, etc – terrible acting, bizarre accents, blatant snobbery, awful lighting and a parrot riding a tricycle. Bonus: a lesson on stone crabs, which you can enjoy from October through May, with horseradish or mustard sauce, cold or dipped in hot melted butter: “It may not be elegant, but it's outta sight.” The tourism video equivalent of a film by Ed Wood Jr.

Best line: “What you are about to see … exists.”

More in our City Branding series



• Sharon Zukin on the big business of city branding



• Quiz: can you identify these cities from their logos?

• What should your city's slogan be?