The most important mental shift you can make as you get altitude on your life and career is to stop thinking in terms of categories and boxes, especially as they apply to you. The spaces between categories and boxes are much more interesting than anything inside the boxes!

The working world loves boxes. People love to box you in and tell you what your limitations are. They will say "Well, you're only a junior employee" when you could do their job better than they do it, blind-folded and with one hand tied behind your back.

You are well-brought-up, so you will bite your lip in that moment rather than sink to their level by responding with a sharp word (even if you are dying to!). Why lower yourself? Fear is real. At work, you can see people mired in fear every day.

When you get dissed or slighted at work or when you see a boss or co-worker desperately trying to slot you into a box that's too small for you, you're seeing fear in action. This is how fear works: when people around you get fearful, they'll put you down to make themselves feel better.

If you don't have a degree, there will be people dying to tell you about all the problems you're going to have in your career because you don't have a degree. If you prove them wrong, some of them will resent you for it.

If you don't have a certain certification or some other man-made qualification on your resume, there will be people crawling all over themselves to tell you why that makes you a sub-standard employee or job-seeker.

If you want to stretch yourself and try new things, you've got to be ready for pushback. Sometimes the backlash comes from fearful people at work, but sometimes people who love you or think they do will try to limit you, also.

Our client Barbara rebranded herself dramatically at age 56 and got the best job she's ever had, running a public-private partnership. Barbara's dear mom said to her "Isn't it a little late in life for you to become Miss Career Woman?"

"What do you mean, Mom?" Barbara asked her mother. "I've been working since 1978."

"Yes, but for a lot of those years you were just someone's secretary," said Barbara's mom. Barbara tried to give her mom space to be fearful. Barbara's mom never worked outside her home.

God bless her, she wouldn't understand Barbara's job description any more than she could design the space shuttle.

Barbara has never been a secretary -- not that there's anything wrong with that sort of work, which is very demanding! Barbara realized that her mom does not feel as hostile as she sounds. Barbara's work is now at a level that her mom could not understand if Barbara tried to explain it to her.

Barbara has grown muscles to deal with comments like the one her mom made. She forgives her mom for dismissing Barbara's long and stellar work history. It's so far outside her mother's experience that her mom has to diminish it to something she is comfortable with.

People will box you in if you let them. At work, there is almost always someone ready to tell you what you can't do, because when you grow your flame, that person feels bad about him- or herself by comparison.

Here's the bitter truth about personal growth: when you are growing, people around you will think "Heck, if s/he can do it, why can't I do it?" If they are not ready to step, they may try to talk you out of your aspirations or minimize your triumphs, instead.

That's why personal growth is hard. If everyone around you were cheering you on as you take control of your life and career to make changes that will help you move along your path, then it would be easy to take those steps!

Not everyone wants to see you grow.

Our client Jeff was invited to speak in Denmark. We were over the moon excited for him. He worked on his presentation for weeks until it sizzled! Not long after his trip to Denmark, Jeff was at a Chamber of Commerce event in his town. The director of the Chamber said "Someone brought you to Denmark to speak?"

"Yes," said Jeff.

"Well, maybe you could speak here, at the Chamber," said the director.

"I can't say for sure. We have a lot of excellent people applying to speak to our members. There's a form to fill out on our website and our committee will evaluate your talk to see whether it fits into our calendar."

The poor lady wanted Jeff to enter her speakers' Black Hole and fill out a bunch of forms, upload a video and provide three references to compete for the privilege of addressing the Chamber members for free. Jeff told us about the conversation later. He said "I make half of my income speaking now and the other half consulting.

"There is not one single Chamber member company who is big enough to use my services, but the director didn't trouble herself to ask me what I want or why I speak in public.

"I belong to the Chamber strictly to get to know local business people so that I can use their services and recommend them, and I do a lot of free coaching at those events. That's okay. I'd be isolated sitting in my office at home all the time.

"Ironically I would have donated a speech to the Chamber as a give-back to the community if they would only have asked me to. Instead, the Chamber director made a huge deal out of the fact that spots on her speaking calendar are highly-coveted things.

Then she had one of her minions call me a few days later and ask me where my speaking application was. The young woman said that the Chamber director was waiting for it. We told her that we are too busy to participate."

My colleague Molly gave Jeff a way to think about his unpleasant experience. "The Chamber director is not ready to see you at a higher altitude," she said.

"She is the director of your Chamber.

"You do business in town, and you are a Chamber member, so you must be in a subordinate position to her. That's how she sees the world. She's put you in a box called Members of Our Chamber Who Like to Speak. In her fantasy land, she has something very valuable to bestow on you and the other people in that category -- plum unpaid speaking slots at Chamber events!"

Jeff never spoke at the Chamber, but he did get engagements to speak in Singapore and Shanghai. In Singapore, he met with government ministers and participated on a panel with a Nobel Prize winner and other dignitaries.

There is no point in Jeff waiting for the Chamber director to wake up and smell the new-millennium coffee; maybe she will do that, and maybe she won't.

People can get very stuck in their boxes. That's okay! They are on their path, and you are on yours. Your goal is to un-box yourself as many times as it takes, and avoid getting stuck in any new boxes as you move forward!

The world is changing fast, and nimble people like you who can spot opportunities and jump on them will make your own destinies. Other people will sit in cozy boxes and let their bosses, spouses, co-workers and family members call the shots. You have the opportunity to un-box yourself at any moment -- even right now! The first step is to decide "I get to decide what to do in my life, and by the same token I have to decide."

You are driving the bus now -- where do you want to go?