Jan Warren, 37

Dutch KillsLong Island City, Queens, NY

What makes a good bartender?Some bartenders can be really self-centered and shitty, and act like the only drink that you can get that's valid is a Last Word or a Brooklyn. Go fuck yourself, man. Our job is to just make people happy, and you can do that with a Powers in a dirty glass and a Guinness. You don't need to do what we do to make customers happy.

What do you do differently at Dutch Kills?I think this bar is built around an OCD-like desire to do things perfectly. You don't need to do that to make customers happy. You need to do it for you, maybe.

Is customer service more important than making drinks?What we do here is put out perfect drinks over and over. That being said, you can make someone a perfect drink and make them feel like a schmuck, and they'll never come back. You can make someone a drink that they think is gross and make them feel like a champion, and they'll be back three nights a week.

How did you end up as head bartender?You're rewarded for really hard work and precision. I don't need to build a new home. I just need to take care of this one.

Is bartending your calling?I think my calling is actually cooking. But you can't make enough money to live in New York as a cook. As you get older, become less of a masochist, and loathe yourself a little less, you want to treat yourself better. Bartending allows me to have days off.

Why do people go to the bar?The reasons are as varied as the people that walk through the door.

People call this a "speakeasy." Do you like that term?A speakeasy is hidden by necessity. Our bar's not hidden. We have a fucking neon sign. We've never had to dump the booze because the probies were banging on the door. To me, this place just looks like an old bar. It looks like a bar. Bars all used to be the same bar.

It seems like you take ice pretty seriously.If you're making a drink, like an old-fashioned, you have three ingredients: bitters, sugar, and bourbon. A block of ice is your fourth ingredient. It's twenty-five percent of your drink. If you do the math, that's important. That's the bottom line. We cut the bulk of the ice by hand.

What's your favorite drink to make?I really dig making old-fashioneds. I think they're beautiful. An old-fashioned has a life. It starts out hot and boozy and dry, and then, as the ice melts, and the sugar dissolves in the water, and that incorporates with the bourbon, you get a sweeter, rounder thing. And at the end, there's a point where the drink dies. That kind of trip is very nice. Drinks like that have this arc. Like life.

What's your favorite ingredient?Your favorite ingredient changes all the time. You're kind of always picking up new things, so your favorite ingredient is very much a thing of the moment. If you have a favorite ingredient that is static, you're losing.

So you're always learning?People say stuff to me here like, "You're a master!" No. No. There are plenty of bartenders in New York who are better than I. You always have to be learning. Once you feel like you're the pinnacle, the apex, and you can't learn anymore, you should probably quit and do something else. Go climb a fucking mountain.

What's a bartender's most indispensable tool?I would say wit. You can make the customer happy by pouring booze in a glass. You don't necessarily need a shaker or a spoon or a strainer or nice ice.

I've heard a lot of bartenders say their hands are their most indispensible tool. This is a craft. I'm a craftsman. Feel that. Those are craftsman hands. Those are not businessman hands.

What's your favorite fictional bar? I'm sure people say Harry's Bar [from Dirty Harry], but they're just poseurs. The bars I wanna go to are where my friends are behind the bar.

What do bartenders know that the rest of us don't? I think thinking like that is really dangerous and self-centered. I really try to avoid it. I don't know a goddamned thing.

PLUS: Read More Bartender Questions on Eat Like a Man >>

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