Alexandra Robbins is a journalist and author of multiple books, including "Pledged: The Secret Life of Sororities" and the new book "Fraternity: An Inside Look at a Year of College Boys Becoming Men." The views expressed here are the author's. View more opinion on CNN.

(CNN) "We're going to talk about this. I know you don't want to, and it sucks right now, but tell me about him."

That's what a fraternity brother said to Oliver, (a pseudonym for) a sophomore I followed for a year for my new book, after Oliver learned a close friend had died and went to his room alone. In the wake of that loss, Oliver withdrew. But his fraternity brother was worried, and he took action.

Alexandra Robbins

Although Oliver was initially reluctant to open up, the discussion soothed him. And when the rest of his brothers heard the news, they immediately took over his house chores so he could have more space to work through his grief. It may surprise some to learn that it was because of his fraternity that Oliver learned to be comfortable confiding emotionally to friends in a way that he told me he would not have if his group were co-ed.

Most all-male institutions don't have reputations as sites of emotional growth. As the misleading term "toxic masculinity" dominates the news, colleges are sounding a clarion call to abolish all-male groups, fraternities often the most notorious among them. But during years spent reporting for a book on fraternities, I learned that eliminating all of them could deprive good people of important social resources that many schools otherwise do not provide. Women's, multicultural and LGBTQ centers admirably facilitate valuable opportunities for many students. However, college men -- whether racial minorities, LGBTQ, or straight and white -- need supportive, inclusive communities, too.

Does that sound controversial? It shouldn't. No matter their background, college guys are mostly teenagers, often vulnerable, living away from home for the first time.