I’m going to give it to you straight, guys — as I’m often known to anyway. After meeting a girl at a bar through mutual friends just three weeks ago, we’re finding ourselves scheduling lots of stuff together and planning on certain things in the somewhat-distant-future. Sure, it’s exciting and all, but it can be daunting to think about.

Although I’ll never complain about spending lots of time with a pretty, fun, witty girl, knowing what may be in the near future, defining the relationship, isn’t as exciting. That’s because, at some point, it’s going to have to happen, with both of us laying out everything to the other to see what we want from the relationship.

For those who might be in a similar spot, I’m here to offer up some tips. Sure, some of it is self-fulfilling — after all, I know that defining the relationship with this girl I’m talking to is coming soon — but it’s something that all guys could use some help with. Since that’s the case, here’s when you should have the conversation about defining the relationship.

When you feel frustrated with expectations

As much as guys want to avoid getting frustrated or showing their feelings to a girl whom they aren’t technically dating, it’s human nature to have happen, so don’t fight it if it does. That means that, when you think she’s putting up a guard when you’re together, rather than show that frustration, be open and talk to her. Who knows, she may feel the same thing and just needs some clarity, or, unfortunately, maybe your fears are true and she’s just not feeling it with you.

When you’re planning things

It’s one thing to say you’re going to dinner next weekend, it’s another when you two are planning a party for something that’s a month away. Those type of conversations are fun to have, but are they realistic? If you find yourself wondering her intentions on such plans, it may be time to sit down and see what she really wants with you. It’s great to flirt and hint at things, but, if all those plans go to the wayside because you two haven’t yet defined the relationship, it can lead to bitterness.

When you think things are moving too fast

In my case, I’ve only been talking to this girl for about a month, so it’s still way too early, in my personal opinion, to define the relationship. That said, the time we have spent together has been fun, easy and sexual, so it has been weighing on my mind. For those who think things are moving too fast, it’s important to establish what you want with her before moving forward. The last thing either of you want or needs is hanging out for a few months and never feeling that connection.

When you’re ready to commit

This might be the easiest time, because, when you ask yourself what you want and know the answer is her, defining the relationship should be exciting. There’s nothing better than having someone by your side to experience different things with and support one another, so, when you find yourself ready to settle down, talk to her. Just remember that she may not feel the same, so don’t let your expectations get you down if that’s the case.

When you need clarity and transparency

This can be for plenty of different reasons, but one that’s important is when it comes to sex. We all know that practicing safe sex habits is critical, but, oftentimes, we’re all guilty of being a little lenient on actually doing so. If you’re concerned that the girl you’re talking to may be having sex or doing/saying the same things you two are with other guys, stop assuming and just ask her. If that’s a deal-breaker for you because you know what you want with her, defining the relationship will help set expectations moving forward.