Text JJ Bola Illustration Callum Abbott

Poet and writer JJ Bola explores the tropes around being a man via his new book Mask Off

Welcome to Behind The Masc: Rethinking Masculinity, a campaign dedicated to exploring what ‘masculinity’ means in 2019. With photo stories shot in Tokyo, India, New York, and London and in-depth features exploring mental health, older bodybuilders, and myths around masculinity – we present all the ways people around the world are redefining traditional tropes. Mask Off, a new book by poet and writer JJ Bola, exposes masculinity as a performance that men are socially conditioned into, exploring love and sex, politics, sports, gangs and mental health, Bola unravels masculinity in order to redefine it. There are several myths about masculinity that have been passed on to each generation as absolute truths. We have been taught it from a young age, almost without question, and any boy or man who does not fit into these stereotypical notions is virtually exiled from the male clan. It is as if being a man is a sports league that all men are trying to play in – the premier league being the elite league where only a few actually make it and belong – and the rest are in the lower leagues or the sub-divisions – the semi-professionals, the amateurs – while some are not in any league at all. The idea of being a man and the notions of masculinity that come with it more so resemble a sport that has ever-changing rules, depending on the location it’s played in. Can you imagine if that were actually the case? If you play football in England, the rules are 11-a-side and you kick the ball with your feet, but in America, when you play football (soccer), you’re allowed to use your feet and hands. Move across the globe to Brazil, where you’re only allowed to use your left foot, the goals are smaller, and there are 24 players on each team. In India, the football isn’t actually a football, but a watermelon that you kick around, and in Nigeria, you’re only allowed to use your head. Manhood, much like masculinity, is not a fixed entity. It is not a square block that fits neatly into a square-shaped hole in a square-shaped world. It is ever-changing, it is fluid, and more importantly, it is and can be anything you want it to be. However, as long as there remain rigid and stereotypical beliefs around masculinity that go unchallenged, men are often unable to subscribe to a masculinity that sits outside of the status quo. The list is endless – particularly as the prevalence of certain myths depends on which part of the world you are in. So, I’ve outlined six prevalent myths around masculinity.

REAL MAN How often have you heard a phrase that sounded like: ‘A real man takes care of his kids’, or ‘A real man doesn’t cheat on his partner’ or ‘A real man pays for everything’ or anything else that starts with ‘real man’ (or ‘real men’) and then continues with a set of stipulations for a particular act? There is no such thing as a ‘real man’. The phrase itself is actually based on patriarchal ideals that reinforce how men are expected to be. And in many cases, the context in which the phrase is used often says very little that is positive about manhood or being a man. Consider ‘a real man takes care of his kids’. This is what you are supposed to do as a parent regardless of gender. The fact that only a ‘real man’ takes care of his kids inherently implies that the rest of men, generally, do not take care of their children, and so what does that have to say about men? The phrase ‘real man’ takes us back to the elite football league that men are supposed to play in: that only the ‘real men’ belong there. The idea of ‘real men’ being the providers or breadwinners is also based on material or financial circumstances, and fails to account for social disadvantages and exclusion. These stereotypes work to reinforce limited notions of what a man can and cannot be: they are used in a number of contexts and can put a lot of pressure on men. MEN ARE TRASH In recent years, this phrase came alive on the Internet, across social media, sparking a much-needed conversation on male privilege and gender inequality, highlighting the systematic advantages that patriarchy affords men. It isn’t (uniquely) about relationships or dating, although it is often reduced to that. Some retort this by saying ‘choose better men’ or deny its validity by the now infamous phrase ‘not all men!’ The ‘trash’ element does, understandably, trigger a defensive stance, which often comes from the misunderstanding that it is a personal attack on an individual, rather than a comment on the collective oppression of women. However, the defensiveness is also because people often become defensive when they are not ready to acknowledge the hurt they have caused in someone else’s life. In many cases, the ‘trashness’ is simply a reference to men’s abuse of their privilege, which occurs daily in society, whether men are aware of it or not. I was also taken aback when I first heard this phrase: it came across as bitter and even angry, but when I listened beyond the initial reaction or visceral emotion that it provoked, I understood that it told us more about societal issues around gender than it did about a particular man. “Boys quickly learn that expressing emotions, particularly displays of vulnerability such as crying, are weaknesses. By the time they transition from boyhood through their adolescence to manhood, they suppress emotion internally without even realising it”

MAN UP This phrase is often used as an emotional silencing tool, particularly towards boys in their childhood. Consider the following scenario: a young boy is playing outside and falls over, grazes his knee and begins to cry. He runs over to his parent who – quite often unknowing of the harmful effects it may have – tells them to ‘man up’, often followed by claims that boys are meant to be strong and so on. Boys quickly learn that expressing emotions, particularly displays of vulnerability such as crying, are weaknesses. And they internalise this, so that by the time they transition from boyhood through their adolescence to manhood, they suppress emotion internally without even realising it. ‘THAT’S GAY’ This phrase is almost exclusively used when men share a form of (non-sexual) intimacy, express feelings or bonds in a way that goes beyond the hypermasculine expectations. It could be something simple like saying ‘I love you.’ Or two men hugging or holding hands. Whatever the expression, when it’s between two men and brings them closer, it’s usually perceived in this way. There is also the issue of men saying ‘no homo’ or ‘pause’, for the same reasons as above, instead of outwardly saying ‘that’s gay.’ For example, men may say to one another: ‘You look really good today, no homo.’ It’s an insidious homophobic comment. Although it’s generally used in jest, it nonetheless perpetuates a deep-rooted, toxic expression of masculinity: that if men care about one another, compliment one another, or show affection for one another, it needs to be qualified with the assertion that they are straight.