The snow crunched beneath Gigi’s boots as she made her way up the hill. It was a rather crisp winter morning — not so cold that she couldn’t handle the short walk to the coffee shop. But still cold enough that her breaths came in small white puffs and the tip of her nose burned slightly against the chill.

The winters back home in Windenburg seemed so much milder than they did in Brindleton Bay. It had been so hard coming back to it after getting that fleeting taste of home during the holidays.

But it wasn’t just the weather that made it so hard. Brindleton Bay was absolutely gorgeous, of course. The people were kind and friendly. The seafood was always so fresh and delicious. It was a beautiful little city.

And Gigi absolutely hated it.

She forced a smile as she stepped through the door of the coffee shop. As she’d predicted, Lucy was already there waiting for her. Brandon was stuck in class that morning, just as Phoenix was. But she was grateful that at least one of her friends was able to meet up with her. Anything for an excuse to get out of that damn house.

Her smile was much less forced as she finally got the chance to embrace her friend. Gigi may have hated living in that stupid city… But she really did like the new friends she’d made there. They helped make everything so much more bearable.

“Hey, stranger!” Lucy laughed. “How was the trip back home?”

“It was really nice. I missed everyone.” Gigi took a seat beside her friend on the couch. She’d texted Lucy with her order ahead of time, and was pleased to find that her coffee was already there waiting for her.

Lucy nodded sympathetically. “It must be really hard… But I’m glad you’re back!”

“Me too.” She lied.

Gigi did her best to change the subject then. She asked about how Lucy had spent her holiday with her family, and made small talk about her friend’s job down at the jewelry store.

But it wasn’t long before the conversation looped back to things Gigi would rather not think about.

“So is Phoenix excited about starting the new semester?” Lucy asked as she took another sip of her coffee.

Gigi nodded. “He is.” She replied a bit more stiffly than she’d intended.

That time, it wasn’t a lie — Her husband had been so excited to return to Brindleton Bay and start up his classes once more. The more time they spent there, the more apparent it became just how much he genuinely enjoyed living there…

And that was probably the hardest part — knowing how happy he was, while she grew more and more miserable with each passing day.

And it was like he didn’t even notice. He was always so busy worrying about his schoolwork or his new friends… but what about her? There used to be a time when she came first in his life… But ever since they’d moved there, Gigi couldn’t even be sure she still made the top three. And since Jasper and Tam’s breakup, maybe not even the top five.

Well, he did this for you. He married you. He brought you all the way here with him. Because this is what you wanted, she kept reminding herself. Or THOUGHT you wanted… It’s YOUR fault you’re here. Not his.

But some days that was harder to remember than others.

The sound of Lucy’s voice called her back to the present. “And what about you? Work still going okay?”

Gigi stalled with a long, slow sip of her coffee.

Work was nothing like what she’d imagined it would be.

The drastically different timezones made it so difficult for her to meet her deadlines. The distance made her feel so disconnected from her boss and coworkers. It was basically freelance work, at this point… Nothing like the job she’d originally been promised.

But then, that was before she told her boss she’d be moving thousands of kilometers away.

Her father’s connections had helped keep her in the company. And Gigi knew she should be grateful that her boss had allowed her to keep working for the magazine at all, even if it wasn’t in the sort of role she’d been hoping for.

But she just couldn’t help but feel like she’d thrown away so many of her dreams by leaving Germany. All so that Phoenix could follow his.

It’s only two years. She tried to remind herself. It’ll be over before you know it.

Yeah… if our marriage even lasts that long. Another voice in her mind seemed to whisper. Gigi did her best to chase it away.

“Work is… Work.” She replied at last, forcing yet another smile. “You know how that is, right?”

Gigi was grateful when Lucy took the bait and began talking about her own job once more.

But she barely heard a word her friend said.

Once they’d finished their coffees, Gigi declined her friend’s offer for a ride back home. Despite the cold, she enjoyed being out in the fresh air. It was strangely freeing, and so much less suffocating than how she felt back at the house.

So she walked back home the way she had come, a million thoughts swirling around in her mind the entire way.

Before she’d even reached the front door, Gigi heard the soft strumming of a guitar from the other side. Phoenix’s classes must have ended for the day. Her lips stretched into a smile at the sound. Her husband hadn’t played very much since they’d arrived in Brindleton Bay. She’d missed it.

Gigi said nothing as she walked through the front door and removed her coat and gloves as quietly as she could, not wanting to interrupt Phoenix’s song. Thankfully, he didn’t even look up from his guitar. He must not have heard her come in.

Her eyes drank in the sight of him as he stood there playing. Even after the years they’d spent together, Gigi was still certain he was the sexiest, most handsome man she’d ever seen. She’d always thought so, ever since he’d first caught her eye back when they were in school together.

She used to worry so much that she wasn’t his type. She wasn’t into videogames, she didn’t read comic books, she’d never played D&D before… But in the end, that didn’t matter to him. He loved her for who she was, just as she loved him too.

And she still loved him. More than anything.

But…

Gigi felt her heart sink instantly. There shouldn’t even BE a ‘but’… What’s wrong with me?!

“Hey.” Gigi nearly jumped at the sound of Phoenix’s voice. He placed his guitar back on its stand and drew closer to her. “You snuck up on me.” He teased.

“Didn’t wanna interrupt the performance.” She replied with a playful smile. “That sounded great… What was it?”

“The Space Dementia theme song… Lola convinced me to try it. I think she wants me to play it on one of her videos someday.” He laughed softly as he spoke.

Gigi did her best to not lose her smile. It wasn’t fair for her to feel so jealous, she knew. She had guy friends, and Phoenix could have girl friends too, couldn’t he?

Yeah, but not ones he always chooses over you… A small voice whispered. Gigi ignored it.

“Well it sounds great… Just promise you won’t forget me once you’re a YouTube superstar?” She teased.

“Never.”

Gigi headed toward the fridge to start figuring out lunch for the two of them when she noticed the large pile of dirty dishes that still sat beside the sink. They’d been there since the night before. And now, she noticed there was a new dirty glass added to the pile since this morning. And it didn’t come from her.

What the hell?! He told me he’d take care of these…

Phoenix was always so careless and thoughtless about things like that — Leaving chores unfinished. Staying out late with his friends without telling her… And the more time they lived together, the more it began to grate on her nerves.

Gigi’s brow furrowed in irritation as she headed back toward the living room. “Phoenix?” She asked, trying to keep her tone calm. “Did you forget about that pile of dishes by the sink or something?”

He shrugged. “No, I just figured it made more sense to wait and do them tonight after dinner. I mean, we’re just gonna dirty up more dishes anyway, right?”

“Well, I ‘just figured’ you’d see that huge pile and decide to do something about it like you said you would.” Gigi snapped in reply. She could already feel her anger beginning to rise.

“And I will!” He replied, sighing. “I didn’t think there was a deadline I had to meet or something. And if it’s really that big of a deal, you could have done something about them yourself, couldn’t you? You had all morning…”

“Do you think I just sit around here on my ass all day? I was busy!”

“Yeah, well so was I!” Phoenix let out a second sigh and closed his eyes for a moment before replying. When he spoke again, his tone was calm, but oddly stiff. “But you’re right. I fucked up. I should’ve done them… So I’ll take care of them now, okay?” He turned and headed immediately for the sink.

Somehow, seeing his reaction simply made her even more angry. Why did he always give in to every little thing she asked?! Why couldn’t he grow a freaking backbone for once in his life?!

Guess he only has one when he fucks me… She thought bitterly.

Gigi dropped down onto the couch, holding her face in her hands.

Get it together. Calm down. Stop being like this! She cursed herself mentally, just as she always did when she caught herself losing control. Don’t be a bitch. Your husband is amazing and caring and kind… You love him!

Yes, a second voice in her mind whispered. But…

There it was again.

BUT

You love him…

But you hate that he blindly agrees with you all the damn time. He never tries to stand up for himself, even when you know you’re wrong.

You hate that he went along with that stupid wedding instead of just being honest and telling you he didn’t want to get married.

You hate that you chose to follow him thousands of kilometers from home to this awful place where you don’t belong. You used to lie to yourself and say you’d learn to love it… But it’s too late for that now.

You hate that he makes you so fucking angry all the time. Every little annoying habit and quirk feels like it’s a million times worse since you got here. Things that used to seem cute or sweet just make you want to scream.

You hate that you’re too afraid to tell him how miserable you are.

You hate that none of this is how you imagined it would be. You hate that you feel so fucking trapped here with him.

Yes, the first voice agreed. But…

Most of that is my own fault.

Gigi knew that. Logically, she knew. Her own choices had really been what led her here, not his. But often her heart spoke so much louder than her brain. And the same heart that loved Phoenix with every single beat wanted so badly to hate him and blame him for all of this. And some days, despite her best efforts, she did.

She always felt so terrible and guilty for taking her frustrations out on him. Even when he annoyed the shit out of her, he deserved better than that, didn’t he? And though he was always so quick to forgive her, Gigi could sense how much it was starting to get to him.

She would have given anything to be able to tell him how she felt. She wished she could explain where all this stupid anger was really coming from… But she couldn’t.

She was trapped. There was no way out now.

Because if she told him the truth, she knew that it would just make things WORSE. Gigi had thought about it so many times. Over and over again, she’d imagined all the ways Phoenix might respond to her confession… And each possibility seemed even worse than the last.

Maybe he’d do what he usually did, and go along with whatever it was he thought she wanted. He’d give up his dream and go back to Windenburg with her. He’d make himself miserable, just to make her happy… He’d do exactly what she was doing right now.

Or maybe he’d stay in Brindleton Bay and send her back home. Maybe they’d try things long distance… But there was no way their marriage could ever survive that. No matter how hard they’d try, she knew that in the end, they’d be forced to watch their relationship die a slow, painful death.

Or worst of all, maybe he would reveal that he was miserable too. Maybe he really did regret their marriage as much as she thought he did. Maybe he hated her. Maybe he’d want a divorce, and would leave her. Forever.

But Gigi couldn’t let any of that happen.

She couldn’t let him give up his dream for her. She couldn’t live an ocean away from him for the next two years. And she couldn’t lose him forever either.

Because yes, she was angry. She was miserable. And she felt herself growing to resent him for so many things…

BUT

She loved him. Despite it all, she still did. She could feel it in her heart.

And wasn’t that enough?

It has to be. She told herself.

Because if it wasn’t… What reason did she have to stay?

Gigi rose from the couch, choking back the tears that had suddenly threatened to fall.

“Hey…” She called out with a soft smile at she entered the kitchen. “Think you could use a little help drying?”

———————————-

Alright, folks… I hope you all enjoyed having three chapters a week this past month! (I certainly did!)

Unfortunately, this will be our last Monday chapter for a while 😦 I’m a teacher and the kiddos come back tomorrow (goodbye, Summer! LOL) so starting next week, we are going back to two chapters a week — Wednesday and Saturday.

Thank you all so much for reading and supporting my story ❤