Jacob Rees-Mogg to release ‘I got 48 letters but the bitch ain’t gone’

Jacob Rees-Mogg is to release a rap track about the problems he faces being a wealthy chap from a good school who somehow failed to get his own way due to a woman.

Rees-Mogg – known as ‘Rees-Mogg’ by his posse on the street – bemoans the fact he’s got girl problems which can’t be resolved by the simple expedient of telling her what to do and then firing her if it doesn’t happen, like his cleaner.

Forty eight letters but the bitch ain’t gone

Got bitch problems, feel bad for me son

Year’s ’18, been badger baitin’

In my chauffeurs rear view mirror Gove is waitin’

I got two choices y’all, pull over the car or, hmm,

Bounce on the devil, put the pedal to the floor

Now I ain’t trying to be no party leader

Just don’t think it should be no breeder

So I get my homes to write their letters

She heard “Don’t you know we’re your betters?”

Cause I’m young and I’m cool and my topper’s real low

The EU got to respect my flow

We should make this country like it was befo’

Like it’s nineteen fifty-five or nineteen fifty-fo'”,

Thinks she’s sharp as a tack, Prime Minister or something

Somebody important as me, or something

I got forty-eight letters but the bitch ain’t gone.

Got bitch problems, feel bad for me son

The track is expected to be released on gramophone and wax cylinder and enter the charts in the top ten in time for Christmas, and boost Mogg’s appeal amongst his key youth demographic.

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!