SEATTLE (AP) – Chip Douglas, a freshman at Eugene V. Debs High School in Seattle, WA, was given a 3-day suspension and escorted out of the building by police after he was found to be in violation of the school’s “zero tolerance” policy on weapons. Douglas had been wearing a t-shirt that had a picture of a gun inside a red circle with a diagonal line through it and the words “gun free zone”.

Fred Engels, the school’s principal, defended his decision to mete out what some consider “excessive” punishment.

“We got some complaints about it,” said Engels, “but the district has a very strict ‘zero tolerance’ policy when it comes to any form of weapon. You can say ‘oh, it’s just a picture, you can’t hurt anybody with a picture,’ but it’s not the picture that’s the problem. The problem is that someone could see the picture and it will start a chain reaction in their brain, and the next thing you know, someone don’t like Mondays.”

“You have to be harsh about it to some degree,” Engels added. “It’s not just about punishing the one student, it’s about deterring copycats who think that guns are cute or funny or save lives in the hands of good guys. We have to get the message through to everyone. Guns are bad. Always. Everywhere. And anything that looks like a gun is bad. Always. Everywhere. If you don’t stop guns on t-shirts, next you’ll have people nibbling pop-tarts into revolvers and pointing their fingers while saying ‘BANG!’ This is about bringing order to the chaos and anarchy of these youth. They have to be taught to obey every command if they’re going to be model citizens for the people who’ll be ruling this nation after Trump loses next year. I hate Trump!”

“Where was I? Oh, yeah… it’s for the children.”

Douglas, whose parents are suing the school to have his suspension overturned and the incident stricken from his school records, seemed surprised that his choice of outerwear could be the source of such contention.

“It’s weird,” said Douglas, “because my T-shirt is pretty much an exact copy of the gun-free zone signs at every entrance to the school. I just thought that, since they work so well there, the t-shirt would protect me in case a shooter accidentally didn’t see one of the signs.”

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