Ron Howard has officially made an offer to Javier Bardem to play the lead in The Dark Tower, his sprawling TV-and-movie adaptation of Stephen King’s fantasy magnum opus. Bardem seems to have beaten out other favorite Viggo Mortensen to take over the role of the gunslinger Roland, lovingly described as “old, long, tall, and ugly” in King’s books—“Bardem-esque,” in other words. Bardem has yet to formally accept, likely because he’s too busy anointing with oils the golden Spanish specimen he just produced with Penelope Cruz, but already Julia Roberts has issued grave proclamations about the oceans swallowing us whole should the part go to anyone else.

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