The big story in most of today’s papers is the British Social Attitudes survey, which has discovered a whole bunch of things of absolutely no importance whatsoever.

The Scotsman, for example, highlights the fact that while Scottish people don’t want the UK to have nuclear weapons, if they’re going to exist then a sizeable number of Scots want them – and the hundreds of jobs dependent on them – to stay on the Clyde. (Though just as many want them to leave.)

None of which, of course, will have the slightest effect on anything.

Because the location of the UK’s nuclear “deterrent” wasn’t decided by a “Strictly Come Dancing”-style public vote in the first place, and it won’t be if Scotland becomes independent. Under nuclear non-proliferation treaties the submarines CAN’T stay in Scotland unless Faslane is designated rUK territory, which is for all practical purposes impossible and has been ruled out by both the Scottish and UK governments.

Only safety concerns will enable them to remain in place temporarily until the rUK either builds a replacement missile base or decides to decommission the weapons.

Meanwhile, the Telegraph goes with a different finding from the poll: