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We often think of the term peer pressure to be a negative thing. We imagine teenagers trying to persuade their friends to do drugs, have reckless sex, or ditch school.

But peer pressure is really a neutral phenomenon. It’s just anytime our peers encourage us to engage in certain choices or behaviors. And it doesn’t always need to be a negative thing.

When surrounded by the right people, peer pressure can be positive.

If a peer encourages you to work hard, do well in school, exercise, eat a healthy diet, and be kind to others… it’s still peer pressure. It just happens to be encouraging a set of values that most people find acceptable and constructive.

People are always going to influence each other. And we should accept that. Unless you live in a bubble, there will always be family, friends, teachers, coworkers, and peers that shape and reshape who you are and the choices you make in life.

There’s a common saying, “You’re the average of the five people spend the most time with.” While this may be an oversimplification, it touches on a very fundamental aspect of psychology: the people we hang out with the most influence who we become .

So the goal isn’t necessarily to avoid peer pressure, but try to surround yourself with peer pressure that is healthy and productive.

If you hang around people who are always encouraging you to do things that are unhealthy, destructive, or go against your core values, then you may want to minimize your time hanging around those people.

On the other hand, if you hang around people who encourage you to act in ways that you want to change, then they can be an excellent source of motivation.

Want to start working out at the gym more often? Then find a friend or coworker who already does it on a regular basis. They can help you find a gym, teach you how to use the equipment, and encourage you to go a few times every week.

Want to boost your grades at college? Then find a student in your class who knows the material really well. Try to set up a date to study for the next exam. Or exchange research papers and give each other constructive criticism.

Want to be more social and meet new people? Then find a friend who already likes going out and socializing with others. They can motivate you to go out more on weekend nights and introduce you to new people.

All of these can be considered a form of positive peer pressure. The key is if you want to change something about your life, you find people who can guide you, inspire you, and hold you accountable to make that change.

A lot of the habits we do are influenced by our environment and the types of people we associate with. So when we take an active role in changing our environment and the people we spend the most time with, we can often change our habits as well.

One of the number one ways recovering alcoholics fall back into their old habits is by continuing to hang around people who they associate with drinking.

Sometimes it’s direct peer pressure: “Come on man. Just one drink. It’s your birthday!” And other times it’s indirect peer pressure. Just the mere presence of being around your old friends make you want to crack open a beer.

These social influences play a huge role in how we think and behave.

As painful as it may be, sometimes in life we need to separate ourselves from people who have a negative influence us, and find new social circles that bring out a better side of us.

It can be difficult to end relationships with people who we’ve been friends with for a long time. But if they only feed our negative habits, it’s probably best for us to walk away or at least minimize our time spent with them.

Then we can build a more supportive social circle by finding people who encourage us to embody the values that we really want to have.

The takeaway message is to pay close attention to the people you are engaged with on a frequent basis, because they can have a very real effect on your thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors.

Instead, surround yourself with people who help bring out the better you.



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