Listen, I’m swallowing my pride right now to tell you this, but it has to be said: I owe you a huge apology. What I did was wrong, and there’s no way around it. I played with your feelings, and that’s on me. So let me just come out with it: I’m so so sorry that I lead you on by smiling at you a single time. Totally my bad.

I realize now that it’s my fault that you started asking to get drinks every day after work and caressing my arm every time we were near each other. I shouldn’t have been so forward in my flirtations. And by that, I mean I shouldn’t have smiled at you that one time you said ‘hello’ to me in the break room and I responded the way that I would respond to literally any man, woman, or child who said hello to me. I’m guilty, okay?

In my ignorance, I honestly thought I was maybe making a new friend at work by being base-level courteous. I’d acted the same way toward plenty of other coworkers, so I truly didn’t believe that a simple smile would indicate that I craved you sexually. The truth is I don’t, but I understand now that the way I behaved showed otherwise. It was shitty of me, and believe me I’m taking steps to evaluate why I toy with men’s feelings so flippantly like this.

Gah, I’m such a tease!

It actually all makes a lot of sense now. I had no clue that your unprofessional and borderline creepy come-ons to me were a direct result of my saucy, saucy courtesy. But I have learned, and I am a changed woman: never again will I assume that my innocent, everyday actions are without consequence. And never again will I unfairly attribute a man’s uninvited and very uncomfortable sexual attention to his boundary issues and misinterpretation of very common kindness as romantic intentions. No, it was on me. I’m sorry.

From here on out, I vow to never again smile politely and devoid of ulterior motive at any man I am not specifically interested in going to bed with. No longer will I behave like some coy floozy, flashing my teeth at any Tom, Dick, or Harry in a way that is universally accepted as friendly and not sexual whatsoever. You have spurred this change in me, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

Wait, now I’m a bitch because I don’t smile? I have so much to learn! From men!