There I am, standing in another Boston bar on a Friday night. Next to me is a new client and he’s starting to get nervous. We’ve spotted three gorgeous girls sitting at a table laughing and glancing around.

“Walk up to them and be direct,” I tell him. “Say you thought they looked fun and ask if we can join them.”

He looks at me in disbelief. It’s the response I’ve come to expect when I first explain the straightforward approach.

“But…that’ll never work. I need something more interesting than that. All the advice I’ve read says you need a really cool opener.” He replies.

“No you don’t. That’s bullshit — just keep it simple. You don’t need some crazy opening line. Being honest shows a lot of courage and girls recognize that. Go try it out and if she says yes, take a seat. Trust me, you can do this.” I encourage him.

He hesitates and I can feel his anxiety rising. He looks at me and says, “I just can’t. It doesn’t feel right…forget it.”

“Don’t worry about it, there’s no pressure. Do you want me to show you?” I ask. He nods in agreement.

I walk over to one girl with a smile and repeat exactly what I told him. Her eyes light up and she instantly replies “Of course!” I wave him over, sit down, and proceed to have an incredible time with the group. Half an hour later, numbers are exchanged and dates are set up.

The next day I get an email from him:

“I still can’t believe that you just went up to those girls at that bar like that, it blew my mind… and it worked gloriously. I can honestly say that was the most fun I’ve had in a long time.”

I’m no stranger to these kinds of e-mails. It’s my job to debunk limiting beliefs and show my clients how easy it can and SHOULD be.

I can’t blame you for overcomplicating women. You’ve read so much pickup advice online from self-proclaimed gurus. You devour stories of flawless conversations and don’t realize how much has been left out or embellished. You’re convinced by claims of “buy my system and get laid with every woman you meet!”

You have to remember that these gurus are running a business first and foremost. A lot of pickup marketing is focused on making you feel inadequate and that you’re missing a crucial piece of the puzzle. Luckily, they’ll give you that missing piece for the low low price of $2,999.99.

You build this idea that a pickup artist (PUA) is a mythical superhero. That they strut into a room like James Bond, say all the right things, and every girl throws their soaked panties at them. You start to beat yourself up because you’re not a pickup master like them.

Now you feel paralyzed. You don’t meet and approach new women regularly. You tell yourself, “I need to learn their routines. I need to learn that next tactic. I need to talk like they do. If only I could get the order right. I need to be perfect. Anything less and I’m a failure.”

Let me break it to you — there is no “perfect pickup”. Believe it or not, these guys screw up just like you do. They’re just another human being. By idolizing these men as gods you’re doing yourself a huge disservice.

Do you know how many times I’ve stumbled in conversation? Or all the stupid shit I’ve said? The awkward jokes that fell flat and lead to dead air? The first kisses that were rejected?

And you know what…I’ve still succeeded. Over the years I’ve realized that you can screw up more than you think. Girls will often give you multiple chances or overlook shit that you worry so much about.

Of course, you still want to tip the scales in your favor. You still want to have good body language and strong eye contact. You want to smile and laugh in conversation. You want to be physical and forward. You want to speak your mind and stay congruent with your intentions. But if you don’t hit everything flawlessly, it’s not the end of the world.

Give yourself permission to be imperfect. Stop trying to figure out the exact lines to say. Stop trying to micromanage each interaction you have. Stop analyzing every possible outcome before you’ve even talked to anyone. And stop comparing yourself to this ideal image of Casanova.

Go out there already, learn from your mistakes, and get better. The only real difference between you and these “perfect pickup artists” is experience.

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