Surgery Delayed as Transplant Doctor Fails to Locate Blair’s Heart

A heart transplant for a left-wing Corbynite has been delayed as doctors continue the search for Tony Blair’s compassionate organ.



Tony Blair heroically offered to undergo the surgery after an exotic plague dubbed “Corbyn Madness” swept the nation, compelling grass-roots Labour activists to vote for someone vaguely left-wing.

Blair said yesterday, “People who say their heart is with Corbyn, get a transplant,” reflecting a sincere wish to share high-quality medical advice with the affected.

Labour Party member Leo Halter, who due to a chronic heart condition was already unable to work a lazy shit, decided to accept the transplant after his incapacity benefit was taken away.

But the surgery is now well into its seventh hour. The doctors said “Blair’s unusual anatomy is making the heart hard to locate. We may have to move him to intensive care as he shows no clinical signs of being alive. He is however completely conscious.”

Other victims of Corbyn Madness appear to be psychologically affected, telling Blair ” we’ll accept any heart except yours” and shouting “war criminal” at him a lot.

The chief surgeon said, “Tony’s chest cavity is like nothing I’ve ever seen. There’s fuck all where the heart is supposed to be except a charred husk pumping out blue gunge.”

Blair, smiling and chatty despite having all his major arteries severed said,

“That’s a New Labour heart. Only the outside is supposed to look red.”