A how-to spark joy in other people’s lives.

I came across KonMari and ‘The Life Changing Magic of Tidying’ by Marie Kondo a few weeks ago and, after getting over the title, I got to work decluttering and doing what I truly wanted with my space. It helped me and so, immediately I wanted to share my excitement and started to help my mum KonMari her stuff too.

Here are some tips I wish I’d read before we started:

1. Make them read the book.

Trust me, it’s a lot easier when someone shares the enthusiasm and has read Ms. Kondo’s passages on exactly why she talks to her socks. They need to be committed and know what they’re in for to make this work. But, if they can’t read the book then you’ll need to coach them through it, it might help to point them to summary articles online or the audiobook is available for free on YouTube.

2. Follow the book.

Some people want to work room-by-room, its how they’ve always tried to declutter before but don’t let them! Marie Kondo is an expert tidier and her books are the result of years of helping all sorts of other people tidy. At least try it with each category (and in the correct order) before you put your own twist on the method.

3. Make it as easy as possible for them.

You’re there for support. Your tasks are to:

help create a plan (agree on sub-categories when you get to it)

help them collect every item and pile it up

have the bags ready

have an ear ready to listen

make the drinks

4. Create a schedule.

This is a two person job now, so, you both need to know: where, what and when you’re going to be tackling this category or that sub-category. Have an idea in your heads for how long a category is going to take and then double it. Make time for entire days to dedicate to decluttering. It will take that long.

5. Don’t make any decisions for them.

Marie Kondo emphasises NEVER to throw away anything that belongs to someone else. This goes for telling them to get rid of something. You might think you’re helping but you don’t see the history behind that item. The best you can do is question them on the item if you see that flicker of doubt when they are making their decision. Be gentle. If you’ve done this yourself you’ll know it isn’t easy to let go.

6. Have patience.

This process takes forever and a day to do properly and truly effect change. You’ll be sat or standing with this person- mostly in silence -for a long period of time listening to them talk about objects. It’s a lesson in patience but the reward for that person will be worth it.

7. Take plenty of breaks.

My mum and I suggest tea or bathroom breaks whenever we want. It keeps up morale and recharges that positive energy you will need.

8. Helpful techniques:

Top three: to help your friend identify what joy means to them in a particular category, ask them to pick out their top three items that bring maximum joy. It’ll help set the bar for the rest.

Ask ‘what do you want to keep?’ rather than ‘what do you want to throw?’

Have a maybe pile (or try-on pile for clothes).

‘It might come in handy’ is TABOO (remind them of this).

Take photos to show progress.

9. Never give up.

In Spark Joy, Marie Kondo says,

‘No matter how cluttered it looks, don’t pause, don’t stop, don’t quit’

Remind your friend of this and that you are there for them. Clutter can be overwhelming so being there for them and reminding them that you know what they’re going through can be such a big help. Half this battle is in our heads. For this person you are that guiding voice through a cluttered mind. Don’t underestimate what you can do together.

However, saying that…

10. It is okay to give up.

Life gets in the way but by decluttering you’re making more room to live. Even if you don’t manage to help your friend through every category, you might have started something that will change their thought-process on decluttering. In the end, if they want sustainable change, it has to come from them. Hopefully you will have inspired them enough for them to continue on their own if you can’t continue to help.

This article is part of my minimalist series: on living for life, not stuff. It was inspired by ‘The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying’ and ‘Spark Joy’ by Marie Kondo.

Thank you for reading.

Please leave a comment if you have been through the decluttering process with a loved one and have any more tips!