OMAHA, NE—Emphasizing that it was no problem at all and that he’d be happy to grab a to-go container, a couple at the Midtown Bar & Grille told reporters Monday that their waiter Aaron Sadelaer asked them if they’d like to pack him up in a little box and take him home for later. “Just give me two minutes, I’ll get you the check, and then I’ll get yours truly, a.k.a. the Aaron Special, all wrapped up for you in no time,” said the 27-year-old as he beckoned to himself, adding that while he was best enjoyed hot and fresh out of the kitchen, he’d also be just as good as either a midnight snack or a guilty treat the next day. “No, no, please! You two have barely touched me. Look, I know I come in a big portion size, but it would be such a shame if someone let something as delicious as the head waiter of Midtown Bar & Grille go to waste. Seriously, I’ll even throw in a little extra marinara that you can dip me in tomorrow—my treat! Now, who wants dessert?” At press time, Sadelaer was reportedly panicking after the couple had opted to pack him up and take him from the restaurant, only to accidentally leave him in their car overnight.

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