Same-sex marriage, the government tells us, is not a first-order issue. And yet it has grown to become a controversy so monumental it has overshadowed even the prospect of nuclear war with North Korea.

The Liberal Party has been in crisis over reforming the Marriage Act since long before the last election. At an emergency meeting, the Liberals made good on their threat to implement their own nuclear option: a voluntary postal survey on same-sex marriage.

The prime minister rightly points out that once upon a time, Bill Shorten was also in favour of a public vote. Polls have shown consistent majority support for same-sex marriage for over ten years, but LGBTI Australians have opposed a plebiscite they know they can win in order to protect the most vulnerable in their community from a poisonous No campaign. To their credit, Labor and the Nick Xenophon Team listened to the people directly affected by a plebiscite, and now oppose it too.

But Malcolm Turnbull has not listened. Asked why the government is doggedly sticking with the plebiscite policy, he said it was a matter of carrying out an election promise. ‘Strong leaders carry out their promises,’ he said, ‘Weak leaders break them. I'm a strong leader.’

It was a cruel and bitter promise. He knew it then and he knows it now.

Right on cue, self-appointed Christian spokespeople have jumped out of the gate with everything LGBTI Australians knew they would: Conflating gay sex with bestiality, calling children raised by same-sex parents a ‘new stolen generation’ and comparing the Yes campaign to Nazis.

For queer Christians like me this campaign is an especially difficult cross to bear. Our extended LGBTI family is asking why Christians are championing such a pointed attack on queer people. I don’t have an acceptable answer. What kind of cruel god must these people follow to do this to us? And why would you, a gay man, follow that god?

Of course since at least 2011, average Christians have tended to support civil same-sex marriage too, but they have evacuated the public discourse, leaving room for cowboys who would hijack the gospel to prosecute their own political agenda.

" The postal survey isn’t binding—it was never meant to be. No matter who wins it will not satisfy either side."

As Penny Wong said just after the postal survey became a political reality, it wouldn’t hurt as much if the prime minister were prepared to stand up and defend vulnerable LGBTI people, but he is too busy. The same is true of the churches, whose deafening silence in response to what the No campaign has done in their name tells queer people everything they need to know about where they stand. What kind of reputational damage is this doing to our communities of faith?

For queer Christians, being caught in the crossfire of this culture war is a terrifying experience. You feel conspicuous and invisible all at the same time. You cause controversy simply by existing, yet people pretend you do not exist.

The postal survey isn’t binding - it was never meant to be. No matter who wins it will not satisfy either side.

To the Australian Christian Lobby and the conservatives within the Coalition, marriage is not about law or justice. For them it is elemental - an immutable Platonic form to which we strive to emulate as closely as possible via the shadow of our imperfect legislation. A relationship between two men or two women, or a couple where one or both members don’t fit neatly into the gender binary simply isn’t a marriage - just by virtue of what it is. They say marriage has existed before governments, and so the Australian government doesn’t have jurisdiction to alter it.

It means no matter how many religious exemptions are included in the legislation, and no matter how many surveys we take, or how resounding the Yes win could be, there is no form of this bill they will actually accept.

When the parliament was dominated by MPs who didn’t want reform, they insisted public opinion was irrelevant, and changing the Marriage Act was the parliament’s job. Then—miraculously—when the balance of opinion in that building shifted in favour of reform, it became a matter for the Australian people to decide.

The entire debate and process is a transparent farce.

Freedom of religion is an undergirding beam of a liberal, democratic society. That doesn’t just mean freedom to believe certain things, it means freedom to practise them, too. Changing the Marriage Act is no threat to this principle, and in fact expands religious freedom to those religious groups—including Christians—who would celebrate same-sex marriages not in spite of their faith, but because of it.

This postal survey is only a destructive force for all involved. A win for Yes will still take its toll on the psychological and emotional health of LGBTI people, and a win for the No campaign will be a pyrrhic victory which will seal their place as cruel and irrelevant in the minds of the public.

For God’s sake, scrap this vote.

Rohan Salmond is a freelance journalist specialising in religion. He tweets at @RJSalmond.