So I have a 2006 SV650 with a few miles on it, I think like 68k at this point. I've been tossing around the idea of getting something newer, younger, hotter. But alas, I'm over here slumming it up as a female engineer, getting paid 80 cents on the male engineer's dollar and can't afford anything with less that 50k miles. So I did some research and found another way to get back some of the sex appeal I've lost with my tired old SV: become a motorcycle thief.


Ok, that's not really my thought process. What really inspired this article was a post the other day from/r/motorcycles on Reddit that a Triumph Daytona in the Bay Area was stolen. Now if you ride, you've probably noticed that whenever there's a terrible story about a motorcycle or motorcyclist, you want to hear it so that you can add that unfortunate situation to your list of "Things to hopefully avoid and become the first rider in history to never have anything bad happen to." Crashes, tickets, mechanicals, you name it. As much as we hate hearing about them, we secretly yearn for it. So I saw this beautiful Daytona 675 that was stolen in the Bay and sheepishly commented, "How'd it happen?" Adding, "Isn't my steering lock enough…?"

That led to someone posting a link to a very interesting Reddit Ask Me Anything (AMA) from a past motorcycle thief and chop shop operator, where I got the low down on how to properly steal a motorcycle (or more appropriately, how to keep yours from being stolen).


If you're curious about how someone gets into stealing bikes, running a chop shop, losing everything, sleeping on friend's couches, and ultimately ending up with no marketable talents or abilities, read the Reddit post. The guy is incredibly heartfelt and sincere about his regrets and where it's ultimately landed him. I found the whole thing to be a very interesting read, so by all means, dig into it. He seems to just want to pass on whatever knowledge he can to as many people as possible, so to help him help you, here are my CliffNotes:

What bikes are most often targeted?

According to the AMA:

Mostly supersports. They are the most commonly crashed and generally the easiest to find (left outside in nice apartment complexes). Next would be Harleys and for a brief moment in time the high dollar choppers.


That being said, I've seen all types of bikes up on Reddit or Craigslist reported as stolen. I only paid $1800 for my bike, and I would still be upset if I came outside to find it stolen. If you'd be sad to see it gone, you should be happy to lock it up (This doesn't apply to girlfriends, just motorcycles).

The majority of stolen motorcycles are ridden away.

That's right, bikes are usually hotwired and ridden away, not loaded into the back of a truck or van. Yes, that does happen occasionally, but what looks more like a thief? A pair of people loading a bike into a vehicle, or a guy with a helmet, jacket and gloves fidgeting with some seemingly stuck handlebars? That's pretty scary isn't it? Especially since humans are wired to ignore and forget anyone with a motorcycle helmet, armored gloves and a heavy leather jacket. They are scary people, we let them do what they want. Even a fellow rider posted on that AMA that he saw someone breaking a steering lock and just assumed they lost their key.


So why ride it away? Besides being able to blend in exceptionally well, a thief even on a Ninja 250 can outrun a cop car much easier than with a truck with a bike in the bed. I mean, what else is a Ninja 250 good for if not running from the cops and committing grand theft?

Steering locks are incredibly easy to break.

And if one person can't do it, two definitely can.

Park your bike in a gated complex? Good for thieves, bad for you.

Nothing says "false sense of security" like a gated community. If my friends and I can get in and use your pool during Sunday Funday, then, well, I guess that means sober people can get in, too.


Apartment complexes with carports are just a shopping mall for motorcycle thieves. Unless you leave your bike in a garage, you shouldn't let the gate fool you.

But what if I have a Lo-Jack, High-Jack, alarm, three rotor locks, cctv camera, ground anchor, AND a posted bodyguard at my bike? Can it still be stolen?

Great question. And I can only assume that unless you're riding two-up or mandem with your bike's bodyguard every time you go somewhere, you might be looking for a cheaper, less time intensive security measure. Here are my suggestions:

Parking overnight:

A garage or locked self storage space are the safest spots to park day to day. And by garage I mean a personal garage, not a parking structure. Whatever you and only you have the key or passcode for. If you only have a carport, consider buying an alarm that will alert you the second someone touches your bike. These can just be a rotor lock with a high pitched speaker like this one for $95, or an alarm with a two way pager ($150-$300 roughly). If you sleep near where your bike is parked, the first one should be sufficient, but the other one is way more convenient. I have no experience with either, but I'm not here to be your research monkey.


Parking at work:

Assuming you ride to work, park for 8 hours and then ride home, you can stand to spend a little time each day on security. If you have a rotor lock, put it on your rear wheel. If you have a hefty chain, run it through your motorcycle's hard parts (frame or swingarm, not a wheel), and anchor it to something high if you can. It's easier to cut through something on the ground, when you can put your full weight onto the bolt cutters versus cutting through something 2 or 3 feet off the floor.


Parking while running errands:

This is where I'm tempted to get lazy and say fuck it! Just use the steering lock. If I'm in and out quick, or if I'm eating next to a window and can see my bike, I'll just use the steering lock. But I'm also so lazy that I'll often grocery shop with my helmet still on (while making Darth Vader noises).


Parking during a long show or event:

Here's where I start to really worry about my bike. Right now, about once a week, I ride up to LA (leaving the warm womby safety of Orange County) to see a comedy show or TV taping. It's cheap fun, and it only costs me about 2.5 gallons of gas. But it takes me out of my safety bubble and into the land of chaos and uncertainty. Here's the gem I learned from the AMA, and the single best tip I could give anyone who temporarily parks their bike somewhere unfamiliar: bring a flathead screwdriver or wrench (depending on the bike), completely remove your clutch lever, and take it with you into the event. What a fucking genius idea! This however doesn't work if you're parking somewhere repeatedly as someone can just buy a $10 clutch lever for your bike and steal it the next day.


Other advice from the AMA

Don't put your spare key or title anywhere on the bike.

If your bike is stolen once, either from your work or home, chances are the thieves will return after your insurance has replaced it. Fool me once/Fool me twice applies here.

A quick note on Lo-jack, from the AMA:

Lo-jack and Lo-Jack w/early warning are pretty good at recovering the bikes from amateurs and semi-pros, but someone who knows what they are doing will remove the lojack system quickly after clearing the area. Still someone even more professional (surprisingly rare) will have somewhere to check/store/breakdown the bike that is rf shielded. The problem with lo-jack is that it doesn't keep someone from stealing the bike. Even if you get it back in one piece without the police crashing into your bike to catch the thief you'll still likely have a broken upper triple, damage to the neck of your frame (Steering lock), damage to your ignition, damage to the tank lock, possible damage to the tank itself (rareish) possible damage to the trunk lock , and then your insurance company might fuck you too. It's much better to not get the bike stolen in the first place. So in addition to lo-jack you want some sort of VISIBLE passive devices to make the thief move on.


The Reddit AMA is pretty extensive and detailed so if you want any more insight into the why's and how's of motorcycle thievery, there's a ton more knowledge packed into it. Feel free to comment with any tips or advice you have from your own personal experience. I'm interested in hearing what you do everyday to keep your bike safe.