theroguefeminist:

like it’s pretty obvious that whether bi or gay people are treated better or worse by the dominant heteropatriarchy is really context dependent and i can’t say that there’s any privilege in being gay or bi

sometimes being bi can mean less homophobia: straight people may perceive you as less gay, a family member may cling to the hope you wind up with an opposite gender partner, having a bigger likelihood of winding up in an opposite gender relationship which can afford you some privilege/protection from oppression, less gender-expression related stereotypes related to the identity, in some contexts, decreased visibility in terms of sexual attraction/preference

sometimes being bi can mean enduring worse shit: people questioning your orientation more, people being more likely to think it’s a phase or urging you to “pick a side” - experiencing more shit for your identity within the lgbt community itself, experiencing biphobic abuse from gay and straight partners, being more likely to wind up in a relationship with someone who has straight privilege over you, less representation, less resources

The way we experience oppression and navigate heterosexism is different. It’s not better or worse for either side. The issues we face differ due to these different experiences. One of the worse things I see radfems do is act like we are just half-gay, half-straight, and have a privileged straight half and oppressed gay half, and act like we don’t have our own distinct identity (and yet as they do this they will also act as if our experiences of homophobia are the same and will erase biphobia). One thing it took me so long to figure out is that I have a distinct bisexual identity and there is a bisexual discourse and community for me in the world. I think a bad, oppressive thing some bi people do, though, is act like our experience is worse than gay people’s experience or that gay people have privilege over us. The use of “privilege/oppression” in this context makes no sense because this society does not value gay people for being gay, does not privilege them for being gay, and certainly doesn’t prefer gay people over us. But any “preference” for bi v gay is contextual and not absolute going either way.

What is not so contextual is the fact the LGBT community is more accurately the Gay community, and presents gay (cis white male) interests first. The narrative of gay/straight dichotomy that assimilationist gay people benefit from is undermined by bi people, I feel like. We complicate a lot of the narrative gay people put forward, and so it’s easier for them to sweep us under the rug, to not include us, to erase us and not listen, and even to discriminate against us. For us as bi people there’s a struggle between wanting to have a distinct identity/community, but that community alone not having much of a voice, and the fact dominant society lumps us with gay people and we have many similarities too in our experiences and that we WANT solidarity with gay people.

Anyway none of this stuff is going to be resolved any time soon. There’s lots of fractures in the community. But I hope moving forward we can continue to move closer to understanding.