Catching up

Yang Xiao Long (Fireballin17)

to me | 8:38 PM (23 minutes ago)

So, I'm on the road. I got a little bit of a later start than I would have liked, but I did get a good chunk of driving done this afternoon, which is good. I stopped at a McDonald's to eat something and I figured I'd email you while I had access to wifi.

Turns out even I can't just leave everything behind on a moment's notice. At least I was already paid up for the month on my apartment, and I never paid for February, so all I had to do was return some stuff to my landlord. After that, it was a matter of heading to the garage to get my car and tell them I was heading home. Of course Sun was the only one there this morning, that only makes sense, right? We kind of got into a massive fight. He kept trying to say how I was making this huge mistake, and I was trying to tell him to mind his own goddamn business. We yelled a lot. I might have thrown things. Then he tried to kiss me.

So I hit him really hard in the mouth. You know how hard I can throw a punch. I think I dislocated his jaw. It hurt like hell though. My hand's still a little swollen - I'm just hoping I didn't break anything. I stopped by a corner convenience store on the way out of town and grabbed a bag of frozen peas. It helped a bit.

This is probably the world's most awkward segue into an apology ever, but I thought you might get some satisfaction out of the story. Blake, there are a lot of things I still need to say sorry for, and this is probably the least of all of them, but I figure it's as good a place to start as any. I don't know what you think happened between me and Sun, but I promise, it was nothing. It was New Year's Eve, we were hanging out together and he was, well, he was there. I was hurting and very drunk (I'll get to that) and we just...kissed. But I didn't sleep with him, I didn't do anything else. It was just that one time. And I wasn't lying when I said he sucks at it.

And about the drinking, that's the next thing I wanted to apologize for. Maybe I've been going a bit overboard on it lately. It's definitely been a coping mechanism. I'm trying to cut back for the ride home since I've got a ton of driving ahead of me and dealing with hangovers is just one more thing I have to take care of before getting back on the road in the morning. The point is, I know you were just looking out for me. You were saying things I didn't want to hear and so I just lashed out at you. I shouldn't have done that. Hell, that might as well be the tagline to basically my last six months or so.

I'm really trying hard not to turn this into a self-pity party, especially not with you dealing with what you're dealing with. I know I don't really have a lot of room for sympathy after, you know, everything I put you through. I've just been feeling a little low today.

So, tell me about you instead. How are you feeling? Are they treating you okay at the clinic? If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine, I get it. I'm not going to lie, I'm not really sure what's okay to talk about and what might be too much so...just, whatever you feel like sharing, okay?

If you have time, you can email me back tonight. I'll probably chill here for a while. I thought I would be way hungrier than I am after driving most of the day, but now that I've got food in front of me, my stomach feels kind of off. I better not be getting sick.

If my heart was a compass you'd be north

Sent from: Joliet Illinois