DEAR DEIDRE: I AM causing arguments with my partner just so I can invite my ex-lover round for sex, though I know he is using me.

I’m 34 and have two daughters from my marriage.

3 I've been having it off with my ex as I still find him irresistible Credit: Getty - Contributor

Their dad was abusive.

He doesn’t bother with the girls any more and they are better off not seeing him.

When my marriage failed, I met my now ex-lover.

He is 32, single and drinks in the pub where I sometimes go.

3 I purposely cause arguments with my partner so I can sneak off and see my ex Credit: Getty - Contributor

We became friends and he was a distraction from everything with my husband.

I fell deeply in love with him but we split up after he cheated on me.

He’s a nasty piece of work after a drink — but I still find him irresistible.

I met my current partner online.

3 I know what I'm doing is wrong but we have amazing sex together Credit: Getty - Contributor

He’s 35 and I’ve never been in a relationship with somebody so lovely before.

He treats me and the kids perfectly but I can’t help longing for attention from my ex, who lives two streets away.

He says he’s moved on but any excuse to come round to mine for sex and he’s there.

I know he doesn’t want a relationship with me but if my partner is away with work, I invite him round while the girls are at school and I know we’ll end up in bed together.

I love my partner but sometimes I want to push him to one side and get my ex-lover back.

I started rowing with him one night last week after the girls were in bed, about whose turn it was to put the bins out. I wouldn’t let the argument drop.

He stormed off in the car to his mum’s, so I texted my ex: “Fancy a quickie?”

He was on my doorstep within five minutes.

I argued with my partner again yesterday about running out of milk, though I knew I’d used the last of it.

He was livid and went to his sister’s.

I’d texted my ex saying I was home alone before my partner had gone down the drive.

What’s wrong with me?

DEIDRE SAYS: You are probably drawn to men who don’t treat you with love and respect because a man like that played a part in your childhood – a dad or stepdad, perhaps?

An abusive relationship keeps you hooked in because it feels familiar. You are not used to the kindness and equality in the relationship you have with your partner.

But if your relationship is strong and fulfilling, don’t let your ex wreck it.

Arguments for the sake of it are so damaging for your girls.

They will grow up believing this is normal behaviour and history will repeat itself in their own adult relationships.

Delete your ex from your phone and block him. Don’t go to the pub where he drinks.

Put fresh energy into your relationship with your lovely man – or you will end up losing him.

My e-leaflet Relationship MOT can help.

Get in touch with Deidre today Got a problem? Send an email to problems@deardeidre.org. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter @deardeidre or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).