Today’s. Mill. Is. A. Tribute. To. Louis. Van. Gaal. It. Is. Going. To. Be. Gruelling. Flipping. Reading. If. It. Continues. Like. This. But. Don’t worry. Because it won’t. Things will soon flow much quicker and smoother. There will be pace and pizzazz. At Old Trafford. Because Manchester United are getting the money together to give the manager what he wants in January. Now don’t get things wrong: the Mill is not saying the harrowing style of football inflicted by Van Gaal so far this season has been part of a plot to extort more money for transfers; the Mill is merely noting the club has reportedly reached the decision to take its spending under the Dutchman even further beyond the quarter of a billion pound mark and is confident that if it does so, United will eventually overtake Leicester City.

And what’s the best way to overtake Leicester City? Well, by taking them over. United are not quite going to go that far but they are said to be contemplating bids for the club’s two outstanding players, magical winger Riyadh Mahrez and the Premier League top scorer/England utility man, Jamie Vardy. But United are also looking at other players who could liven up their wing play, including Southampton’s Sadio Mané, Lazio’s Felipe Anderson and Anwar El Ghazi of Ajax.

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Another centre-forward is also on United’s wishlist just in case Wayne Rooney’s performances ever fall below the stratospheric level at which Van Gaal maintains he always plays, and something tells the Manchester club that Newcastle’s Mike Ashley would be willing to sell Ayoze Pérez, or almost anyone else, come to think of it.

But the Newcastle manager and director Steve McClaren has a cunning plan for partnering or possibly replacing Pérez: repatriating Andy Carroll to Geordieland. It might just work you know.

Chelsea are still reeling from shock of not being able to turn around the fortunes of Radamel Falcao following his hapless stint at United but they remain undeterred. And with Diego Costa not looking very dangerous this season, at least not in terms of goalscoring, the Premier League strugglers are considering making a move in January for Javier Hernández, the former United striker now at Bayer Leverkusen.

Now, what is the first thing that comes to mind when the Mill says Windass? Well banish that thought because that’s not what we’re going to talk about this time. Yes, rather than Dean, we’re talking about his son, Josh Windass, the Accrington Stanley midfielder whose beauty Arsène Wenger is thinking about guiding towards fulfilment, or something.

Meanwhile, Jürgen Klopp has genuflected before his club’s revered transfer committee and beseeched them to try to sign ... oh, come on, Liverpool fans, don’t leave before the sentence is even finished! All we’re were saying is, Klopp wants Liverpool to nab Barcelona winger Cristian Tello, presently on loan at Porto.

You can go now. All you’ll miss is word that Manchester City are interested in Aly Malle, the 17-year-old Malian forward who plays for AS Black Stars and has been on a trial with Cologne.