A Glorious Day

Frog went up the stairs to Toad’s house.

“Wake up!” said Frog. “It’s a beautiful day!”

“Who is being so loud outside my door?” said Toad. “It must be someone very inconsiderate and selfish. I will ignore them.”

“I can hear you!” said Frog. “And I can tell you confidently that I am neither inconsiderate nor selfish! I merely want to spend this beautiful day with my best friend in the world!” Frog said this even though he knew full well that Toad wasn’t that much fun to spend time with. Usually, Toad spent most of their time together texting other people and complaining about how tired he was of his dead-end job.

“You’ve gotten enough sleep!” shouted Frog. “You’re always sleeping!”

“Yes!” shouted Toad. “I suffer from clinical depression!”

Frog rolled his eyes. Toad always made this excuse.

“Oh, go away, Frog,” grumbled Toad. “What in the hell have you got to be so happy about all the time?” Toad resented Frog for being so upbeat.

“The sun is shining and everything is lovely, and I need to tell someone about the Tinder date I had last night!”

At this, Toad decided he wasn’t too hungover to hang out. Toad loved when people talked about their miserable dating lives.

Brunch

Over brunch, Frog and Toad discussed Frog’s dating life.

“Was the date very awful?” asked Toad, with a gleam in his eye.

“No, it was nice,” said Frog.

“Really?” said Toad. “Are you certain it wasn’t a total disaster?”

“Positive,” said Frog.

“Are you sure you weren’t being catfished?”

“I don’t think so, no,” said Frog.

“You are no fun at all,” said Toad. “And you have enviably good bone structure.”

“Thank you,” Frog replied.

Netflix

Frog and Toad returned to Toad’s apartment to watch the latest episodes of “Daredevil.”

“I like this show,” said Frog.

“It’s very boring,” said Toad.

“To each his own,” said Frog, derisively.

A Phone Call

That night, on the telephone with his mother, Frog expressed some of his worries.

“I don’t know why I stay friends with Toad. He is very unpleasant,” Frog said. His mother asked him if he was seeing anyone special, and Frog hung up.

An Afternoon Stroll

“Have you heard of this new app called Happn?” asked Frog.

“Of course,” scoffed Toad. “Everyone has heard of it.”

“It lets you hook up with people you’ve passed on the street,” said Frog.

“I just told you that I’ve heard of it,” said Toad, with a scowl.

“Have you gained weight?” asked Frog.

Instagram

Frog and Toad liked to scroll through Instagram and make fun of their friends.

“Look at Squirrel,” squealed Toad. “She looks so fat and hideous.”

“She really does look awful,” Frog agreed.

“That color is a disaster on her,” said Toad.

“No wonder good things keep happening to her. She’s so vulgar and awful,” said Frog. “People like that are always having good things happen to them.”

Toad looked at Frog and smiled.

“I couldn’t agree more.”