I think my two favorite things in the world are North Korean propaganda and Church-produced movie synopses. On the latter note, The Lock In, a new found-footage style horror film from Holy Moly pictures, follows a group of church teens as they inadvertently release an evil demon when they bring a filthy porno mag into the house of God during a church “lock in.” I’ve never been to a church lock in, but I for one am happy that for once someone isn’t being facetious when they describe the holiness of moly.

Thank you, Jesus, for this press release, may I drink of your blood and consume your wafer flesh forever and ever amen.

Holy Moly Pictures has announced the release date for The Lock In, a Christian found footage horror film about pornography to be released January 9th, 2014. Imagine your life being torn apart and the very wiring of your brain being changed by a seemingly innocent prank. This is what happens when three teenage boys are terrorized by demon activity after a “dirty magazine” is snuck into an overnight church event called a lock in. During the lock in, members of the youth group are “locked in” the church to have fun, play games, and get to know one another. In spite of the youth pastor’s attempt to intervene, the boys must come to terms with the pornographic images themselves in order to be truly freed from the demon. Movies have always been a good medium to highlight social issues. Pornography is a growing epidemic in the church community for men, women, and children with most of the underage victims being exposed in a place thought to be safe. The producers of the film hope that not only will it be entertaining, it will also be used as a tool for conversations about the dangers of pornography and the importance of being aware.

Want to see the trailer? Of course you do.

The demon is a metaphor for the true damage pornography can have in the lives of youth. There are never graphic or pornographic images shown in the movie. The producers of the film felt that it was important to tell a Christian story about real issues but to keep the images family friendly so anyone could be entertained without fear of exposure to questionable pictures. [MMDNewswire]

Whoa whoa whoa, slow down there, padre, you’re telling me the demon is a “metaphor?” Look, bro, I didn’t start watching this church movie to live in a land nuance and subjectivity, NOW MAKE WITH THE FLAMING SWORDS AND BRIMSTONE!