In these frightening times, it’s so important to not fall prey or even participate in the spread of misinformation. However, now’s not the time to stick your head in the sand. The only way to combat misinformation is to be equipped with good information, and that’s what I’m here to provide. As someone who went as a nurse for Halloween in third grade, here’s what you need to know about coronavirus.

You can get it from surfaces – or can you?

As an individual who not only dressed up as a nurse at age 8, but also sort of wanted to be one for a while in middle school, I can say with confidence that my friend told me Coronavirus can live on surfaces. The good news is, my friend (who’s actually more of a Facebook friend who I can’t remember how I know but maybe summer camp? Did I go to camp? I don’t know) said that the virus only stays on surfaces for the length of an HBO dramedy, but you can reduce this time by breathing on the surface and then rubbing it down like a pair of glasses. Make sure you wear gloves! Fingerless, if you want to look cool while fighting disease. Pretty sure I’m getting this right.

You can test for if you have it at home.

Everyone freaking out about inaccessibility to testing kits is a manufactured panic the government has created to control the population or something like that. It has to do with the election, but look, I went as a nurse for Halloween, not a political scientist. Either way, there’s no cause for concern, because you can test whether or not you have the virus in the comfort of your own home. Just close your eyes, and say the alphabet backward. If you have the brainpower to accomplish this, then you are not infected. This works for people of all ages.

Remember to appreciate healthcare professionals.

Among those most at risk are the healthcare professionals gambling everything to help keep everyone else healthy. Take a moment to appreciate them. For instance, I am sacrificing time I could be doing the cinnamon challenge (one known Coronavirus cure) because I care more about getting life-saving information to everyone else. I guess that’s just me.

So stay safe, stay inside a thick sleeping bag (COVID can only travel through 2 inches of fabric), and wash your hands with water icy cold enough to freeze bacteria. You’re welcome.