I’ve been working as an exotic dancer for over a year now. I really enjoy my job. I enjoy the physical challenge of dancing, the mental challenge of making conversation with a variety of people, and the emotional challenge of being empathetic support for those who need it. I like feeling sexy and confident, choosing my own schedule, and making more money than the majority of people in the service industry.

Of course, there’s always pros and cons to any line of work. Like most service industry jobs, the most difficult part of dancing is dealing with difficult customers. It’s amazing how similar these encounters tend to be, and how oblivious customers can be when they realize they’ve frustrated myself or one of my coworkers. Really, the only thing that can ruin a good day at work for me is a disrespectful customer.

Since people visiting strip clubs aren’t always educated about strip club etiquette, here’s a helpful guide to the things you should avoid saying.

Excuses for not paying us

Strippers are in the strip club to make money. In many states, strippers are not paid an hourly rate to be “on duty,” but rather pay for the privilege of using the stage with nightly stage fees. In addition to stage fees, dancers usually also have to pay tips or a percentage of their earnings to the DJ, bartender, and bouncer. Some clubs also take a percentage of the money from private dances. If you don’t pay the strippers, they don’t make money.

“I just came here for a beer.”

If you came in for a “beer” then you probably also came in for “naked women.” It’s okay if you don’t want a lap dance; as long as you tip the bartender who is serving you your beer, and the dancers on stage who are entertaining you.

Also, tip dancers if you’re talking to them and taking up their time without the intention of buying dances or tipping well on stage. Remember, the time a girl is spending with you is the time that she could be spending with a paying customer. If you waste a dancer’s time, she will be justifiably frustrated.

“I’m not really a strip club guy.”

So, why did you come to a strip club, then?

“I’m broke.”

If you can’t afford to tip the dancers, you can’t afford to come to the strip club. Come back when you have money to spend.

Pushing boundaries

No still means no.

“Will you go out with me?”

If you’re looking for a girl to pick up on and date, how about going to a normal bar? Drinks will probably be cheaper. Remember, it’s our job to be nice to you. This is not the Girlfriend Store.

“How much for sex?”

While I have no moral issue with full-service sex work and believe that it should be legalized, it’s important to recognize that strippers are not providing the same services as FS sex workers.

No, we don’t want to come back to your hotel; and if we leave with you, we run the risk of being banned from the club we’re working at, shunned by our co-workers, or arrested.

We provide compassion and companionship, a visually pleasing show, and fun, sexy fantasy. If you want something else, kindly look elsewhere.

“But the other girl let me…”

Every dancer is comfortable with different things, and every club has different rules about what they allow.

It’s important to ask your dancer what she’s comfortable with and to then respect her boundaries. Never touch a dancer without asking her permission, and never expect that one dancer’s rules will be the same as another’s.

Remember, touching or performing a sexual act on a sex worker without their permission is still sexual assault, and we have you on camera.

Rude questions

“What’s your real name?”

What’s your credit card number? Your mother’s maiden name? How about the last four digits of your social security number?

Strippers use stage names for a reason: to protect our privacy and safety. Please respect this.

“What’s your real job?”

We are here providing people with a service for which they pay. We have to pay taxes, we often have considerable overhead, and we have unique skills which took time and effort to develop. This is a real job.

Sex work is work, period. Don’t devalue our labor.

Just plain rude

“I have X criticism of your/another dancer’s body.”

When was the last time you insulted a woman’s body and got a positive response? No, I don’t need a boob job, and that other girl isn’t too fat.

Strippers have a variety of body types for a reason. Not everybody likes the same thing! If you don’t like a girl’s body, go hang out with a different girl.

“You can’t do this forever, you know.”

Really? Wow, oh my goodness, I had no idea! Thank you so much for enlightening me! I assumed I could keep doing this into my late eighties until I broke a hip or something.

Actually, I’ve met quite a few strippers who are older than you might expect, and they are often doing much better for themselves than the 19-year-old “baby” stripper who just started last week.

Regardless, we are aware of the nature of the industry, as well as the inevitability of aging. Don’t condescend to us.

“You should be paying me!”

There are many variations of this one, like “how about you pay me for a lap dance,” or “why don’t you buy me a drink?”

I’ve even had a guy offer me a shoulder rub and then ask to be paid at the end of it. This really happens! Don’t be that guy.

Final thoughts

Remember, dancers talk. If you’re a jerk to one of us, chances are that the rest of us are going to hear about it.

Sex workers deserve the same respect as any other person doing any other kind of job. Please recognize that we are human beings.

The best way to have a good experience in a strip club is to keep the dancers in a good mood. If you treat us well, we will treat you well.

Have fun and be safe!