You’ll be gripped to your armchair like Frank Underwood to his Washington throne (Picture: Netflix)

For some people, Friday, February 14, means only one thing – yes, season two of House Of Cards released on Netflix.

It’s the moment many of us have been waiting nearly a year for. Be prepared to abandon friends and family as you tackle the daunting task of maybe watching 13 episodes in one hit.

And even if you don’t manage to do a HoC marathon in a single sitting you can kiss goodbye to any weekend plans you may have had.

Here’s what you’ve let yourself in for, as of 8.01am tomorrow.


1. Preparation

This advert sums it up best. If your other half has mysteriously stockpiled food, drink and toilet paper you’re in for the least romantic Valentine’s Day of your life. Unless you both like House Of Cards, in which case, hooray!



2. Anticipation

This is one way of remembering when House Of Cards starts (Picture: scanrail/scanrail)

If you haven’t set a countdown clock on your phone/tablet/computer I’m not sure you count as a proper HoC junkie.

3. Excitement

Let the Washington fireworks begin! (Picture: tomwachs)

At 8.01am it’s here!

MORE: What time will House of Cards season two be available on Netflix?

4. Immersion

You said you were just going to watch a bit of one episode before work. You now have several messages from your boss asking if you’re ok.

5. Rage

‘I have no patience for useless things’ (Picture: stokkete)

You’ve finished episode four and are merrily about to play episode five when Microsoft Silverlight packs up and you have to uninstall it, switch off your computer, switch it on again and reinstall it. Nooooooooooo! Why are computers so totally bloody useless? And your phone (on silent, of course) also seems to be vibrating more than usual, which is odd.

6. Relief

That’s better (Picture: AP Photo/Netflix, Nathaniel E. Bell)

After your computer-induced melt-down everything seems to be working again. Frank Underwood is restored to his rightful, reassuringly menacing place on your screen.

7. Re-immersion

The plot thickens (Picture: AP Photo/Netflix, Nathaniel E. Bell)

It’s all ok. Well, for you it is – not so much for that anaemic-looking politician Frank’s minions have over a metaphorical barrel.

8. Hunger

Hmh, is it quicker to get a takeaway or just a lot of crisps? (Picture: AP Photo/Netflix, Nathaniel E. Bell)

You realise you haven’t eaten all day. Mmm, Doritos and pizza at 3pm for a meal I like to call Dunch. You glance at your message-filled phone but decide that it will be more convincing to explain to your boss on Monday that you couldn’t come in because a government agent had you framed for a crime you didn’t commit.

9. Physical pain

Apart from the ball gown and the dye job, this is definitely you (Picture: Ari Perilstein/Getty Images)

Your screen-boggled eyes are drier than Janine Skorsky’s putdowns. You should probably move your limbs a bit and stop ignoring those pins and needles in your foot. Your spine is hunched like Zoe Barnes on deadline. In fact, you feel a lot like Zoe Barnes. If you’re a woman you might actually BE her.

10. Exhilaration!

Hooray for you! (Picture: nyul)

You’ve watched it all! You never saw THAT coming! When’s season three on? And why are there also lots of phone messages from your significant other calling from some restau…. oh.