“Are you going to ask if I like clothes?” sighs Rachel Bloom. We’re at the Kate Spade New York presentation, and apparently some reporters haven’t gotten the memo about funny women and fabulous style. They’re often linked (see: Emma Stone’s Vuitton partnership; Kate Hudson’s red carpet reign), but especially at Kate Spade, where comediennes like Anna Faris, Anna Kendrick, Rosie Perez, and Zosia Mamet have all done campaigns.

“In case you want to know, I do like clothes very much,” Bloom deadpans. “I like bags and shoes, too.” There were some great ones at the Kate Spade shindig, where models were styled like Dolly Parton with embroidered cowboy boots, prairie prints, and even a cow-print tote. “I wish my dog liked sitting in handbags,” said the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend star, “Because it looks cute. But she hates being confined. Also she’s like 20 pounds. That would be a very serious haul.”

Ahead, we learn more about Bloom's pup, Beyoncé, Broadway, and therapy falcons, which are not a thing.

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You’re Kate Spade New York’s guest of honor, you have a Golden Globe... Are you in the Illuminati now?

God, I wish. I’ve been trying to get in. They put me on a wait list. I had to write an essay. I had to kill somebody first, and I’m not allowed to say who, but I guess I can tell you that it was a really old celebrity. They recently died, and I killed them. They were really old; they were going to die anyway, so it’s okay. But even after I murdered someone famous, I still can’t get off the waiting list. I can’t figure out why. Can you?

Hmm… I mean, who wrote your Illuminati letter of recommendation?

You know, through a friend of a friend, I got Beyoncé to write it. But honestly? I think it was a form letter. I think Beyoncé says she’s going to write a lot of Illuminati recommendations, and then her signature is like a stamp. I don’t think she actually knew how badly I wanted in. But hopefully this interview will get me the extra push I need. Do you know there’s an Illuminati Twitter account with like a million followers? Maybe they can make it happen.

Or maybe we’ll both end up in hiding. They’ll make us live on a farm somewhere with no WiFi.

Maybe. I wouldn’t put it past them.

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So your dog doesn’t sit in handbags, but she does fly on planes with you…

Yeah, I’m one of those people—my dog is a service dog. You can fly with a dog if you register them as an emotional support animal. Because here’s the deal: my husband directed a movie here in New York last year. We flew with the dog registered as a service dog, and guess what? His movie made it into South by Southwest, and I think it might be directly because the dog was here to emotionally support us. And he was the best director he could be because he wasn’t freaked out about the dog flying under the plane. It’s not good for them; it’s freezing cold; you have to sedate them. If there’s an option to say it’s a support animal, and other people are doing it, I’m going to do it and I’m okay with that.

There was a recent op-ed in the New York Times about what happens if a passenger is allergic to dogs, or scared of dogs…did you read it?

No, but I will! In terms of allergies, my dog is hypoallergenic; she has hair, not fur. Also, truly, I used to be scared of dogs. My dog got me over that fear. But my dog is also very well behaved. She’s super calm and I keep her very close to me—like, on my lap—at all times. If you have an unpredictable or difficult animal, that’s not a support dog. That dog shouldn’t be allowed on a plane. But in general, dogs, they’ve been domesticated for 40,000 years to be our companions and to provide us support—they’re good at their jobs. Do I think a falcon should get to ride a plane? No way. Will I have an emotional breakdown on the plane without a dog? No, probably not. Do I actually have depression? Yes. And in this case, it’s an advantage!

What’s your advice for disclosing depression or anxiety while dating? Is it something I have to discuss before we kiss?

I don’t think so. For the first six months I was dating my now-husband, I was terrified he was going to break up with me. I had constant anxiety about it; I freaked out all the time. But I talked to my therapist about it and not him, because it wasn’t anything he was doing. Yes, relationships are a two-way street and you should be open with people. But in my experience, when you’re just starting a relationship, there are things you have to figure out on your own before you bring someone else into it. You have to talk with a therapist first—therapy is key.

Would you recommend therapy before moving across the country for a guy?

Absolutely. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is crazy for a reason.

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So was Felicity… but it was the ‘90s, so nobody called her crazy.

You know, the line producer for Felicity is the line producer for our show. If you want to avoid moving across the country, don’t hire Sarah Caplan as your line producer. But I have to tell you something—I’ve never seen Felicity.

No…

I know. Don’t even, because I know. But I truly didn’t know that Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and Felicity had such a similar premise until people told me. Although you’re right, nobody seemed to make a big deal about Felicity moving across the country for a dude—at least on our show, we acknowledge right up front that it’s crazy. We address it first thing. I mean, it’s in the title!

There’s been talk of a Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Broadway musical. What’s happening?

We are actively talking to directors and producers right now. It’s partly what I’m doing in New York… By the time the [TV] show is over, we’ll have 130 songs to choose from. We’ve got to figure out what’s a 2.5 hour story that we can make from some of those songs.

Will you star in the musical?

I think it would be such an opportunity to break a new star. That’s really what I want to do.

Are you looking for a mini-me, or can the lead be any type of woman?

Oh yeah! For sure. We have to discuss it further, but in my mind, the actress we eventually cast, she doesn’t have to look like me at all. The only thing I do think is important is that the character is half Jewish. But “Jewish” encompasses so many women, and we all look very different, so I think at this point, we’re wide open about casting.

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Faran Krentcil Editor at Large, ELLE.com "Her beauty and her brain go not together." —William Shakespeare

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