A Father’s Day Greeting From LCD Soundsystem’s James Murphy

I’m losing my edge

Yeah, I’m losing my edge

To the younger dads

Whose footsteps I hear when they get on the decks

The backyard decks

To grill up burgers for the weekend cookouts

Yeah, I’m losing my edge

To all the Cross-fit dads

With no stray body hair

And with jobs

At cool-sounding app companies

And who are really, really nice

But I’m losing my edge

To the young dads

In straw boater hats

Who can knot a baby sling with one hand

And who can tell me the difference

Between craft brewing

And microbrewing

In detail that is impressive but also frankly a little bit intimidating

Yeah, I’m losing my edge

But I WAS THERE

I was there

I was the first dad to play Wilco to the soccer kids

I played it at the AYSO trophy presentation banquet

In 2011

Everybody thought I was crazy

I was there

At all the cool kid birthday parties

At Dave & Busters

I DJ’d at the first ever indoor trampoline party

I woke up naked

In a Chuck-E-Cheese Ticket Blaster Booth

In 2013

I used to work at a Home Depot

I bought every grill ever made before anyone else

Weber, Char-Broil, Broil-King, Coleman, Saber Cast

Smoke Hollow, Uniflame

GRILL! SCOTT! HERON!

But I hear you’re throwing away your propane grill

And buying a sous vide immersion circulator

I hear you’re buying an Instant Pot

Because you want to make something real

You want to make carnitas

I hear that you have a compilation

Of every good yacht rock song ever done by anybody

Every Air Supply track

All the Steely Dan

I hear that you have a vinyl of every Doobie Brothers record on German import

I hear

That every dad you know

Is more relevant

Than every dad I know

Yeah, I’m losing my edge

And unfortunately my hearing as well

And goddamn I left my reading glasses in the car again

And while we’re on the subject

We’re never going to make good time tomorrow

Unless we’re on the road by 6:30 am