There just aren’t many good words to describe how women manipulate men and those that do have long fallen out of use, now meaningless to most modern ears—words like termagant, virago, fishwife. All of these words are ancient, dating back to the Middle Ages or earlier, and focus on the nagging, scolding, nattering nature of women known to mankind long before the advent of feminism. None describe the sexual manipulation of men that has escaped the confines of the harems and brothels of old to permeate our culture like snot soaks a Kleenex.

A new word, then. Writing in a living language it is ours to shape and where inadequate to relate the vagaries of our decaying culture, our duty to invent terms by careful design or serendipity that add to our cognitive repertoire and descriptive power. Thus, vagicon—a portmanteau of vaginal con artist.

A vagicon is a woman who manipulates a man into doing her will with the suggestion, whether by innuendo in speech or titillation through posture, expression, or provocative dress, that by obedience he will be rewarded with sex, but then reneges on the offer. She has many tricks of her deceptive trade: heels that pitch the buttocks into a display of receptiveness, tints to color the face like a sex flush—the engorgement of skin with blood as a signal of intense arousal, highlights for the eyes to appear wide with desire. The boob-hoist, the hair-toss, the sultry pout.

The vagicon is everywhere. Whether you are emptying your wallet in a local pub in the vain attempt to get her pants to liquefy or stripping the skin from your palm opening that stubborn jar of spaghetti sauce (two advanced university degrees and she still can’t figure out that trick with a wet dishcloth) the vagicon is everywhere. You’ll even find her in the hallowed ranks of feminist activism, like those Ukrainian chicks demonstrating in skimpy outfits slathered with mud like lady wrestlers, railing against sex tourism. (OK say men, we’ll campaign against prostitution. Can we have sex now?) It never occurs to these vagicon activists to praise men for their kind attention. It never occurs to them to thank men for bringing much needed cash to their underdeveloped country and demonstrating highly refined taste by showing appreciation for the beautiful Ukrainian people—and for scrumptious, hunky poon.

If you have ever wondered how after showering a woman with attention and gifts you can be left with your dick in your hand, if you have ever lept to a woman’s defense only to be backhanded at the slightest displeasure, if you live each day in a hellish cycle of repeating arousal and rejection, my friend, you have been vagiconned by a woman who believes that modernity has relocated the axis of the Earth to rotate around the vortex of her pussy.

Take great care not to get sucked in.