“We have a tremendous team,” Trump told me in his team’s first press conference. Ever since the United Nations have voted into International law that all wars must be settled on the basketball court, conventional geopolitical theories have been thrown out the window. In 2018, Trump became the founder of the Fascist Basketball Association (FBA).

Here is how their starting five looks like leading up the Sunday’s match against the Communist Basketball League (CBL)

Point Guard: Kim Jong-Un

Shooting Guard: Rodrigo Duterte

Small Forward: Recep Tayyip Erdogan

Power Forward: Vladimir Putin

Center: Donald Trump

After the press conference, I had a chance to speak with Donald Trump. He explained to me his starting line-up.

Kim Jong-un

“The point guard needs to be the best ball handler and they have to have the smarts. And let me tell you: He’s a pretty smart cookie.”

Rodrigo Duterte

“He is one of the best shooters on the team. His war on drugs has been a huge success. I believe it’s 6,000 dead? You have to be a great shooter for that.”

Recep Tayyip Erdogan

“Erdogan has a gorgeous jump shot. I just hope he doesn’t try to change the rules half-way through the game.”

Vladimir Putin

“He’s so strong and is a tremendous rebounder. I have played with many people and let me tell you, Putin is a ball-hawk.”

Donald Trump

“I think I am the best one for the job. It’s a tough job, but I have had a lot of tough jobs. I’ve had things that were tougher. Let me tell you something, I think we’re going to do great. We are looking like the real dream team.”