John Boehner and Mitch McConnell are at war, don't you know. Everyone's saying it. What are they at war against? Conservative pressure groups like the Senate Conservatives Fund and Heritage Action that enforce ideological rigidity on each and every tactical move undertaken by GOP members of Congress. That's technically it, but even that description doesn't get down to it. What are John Boehner and Mitch McConnell at war against? They are at war with boring offices that raise money. No: They are at war with hilarious fundraising letters.

Yep, it's some stiff competition that the speaker of the House of Representatives and the minority leader of the Senate are up against. Look at the big, bad Senate Conservatives Fund, for example. They love that everyone's saying Boehner and McConnell have declared "war" on them. It helps them raise more money, which is their only reason for existing. And so they get about to drafting the hilarious fundraising letters that make them the titans they are.

Advertisement:

Boehner declared "war on conservatives," the SCF says in its most recent fundraising letter. This is one of their favorite and first go-to tactics, replacing the word "us" with "conservatives." Starts off with the easy stuff. But then -- then you get to see why these letter-drafters make the big bucks:

"What these leaders are doing to conservatives is no different from what the IRS got caught doing to them this summer," Senate Conservatives Fund executive director Matt Hoskins wrote in the email sent to supporters on Monday. "They're using their power to discriminate against people they see as a political threat."