SI – Bills running back Karlos Williams has been suspended for the first four games of the upcoming after violating the league’s substance abuse policy, the team announced Friday.

Karlos, you dog! You had us all convinced that it was your fiancée wife being pregnant with your 9th kid that had you packing on a few extra pounds this off season. Is that what it was? Is it? I have a feeling that it had to do with the late night Taco Bell runs.

I get it, Buffalo can seem boring in the off season if you’re not used to it. If you aren’t a hockey fan and you don’t religiously follow AAA MiLB baseball, I can see how you might have a problem living in a city like Buffalo. Let’s be real though, Karlos. You’re a millionaire. Millionaires can buy jetskis. You know who isn’t so bored that they have to get high everyday with millions of dollars and random drug tests on the line? People who own GOD DAMN JET SKIS. Count your money in singles from start to finish. Hell, even go to the club and buy bottle service over and over until you’re out of money, or pull a Vince Young and buy a bunch of airplane seats for your friends. Do ANYTHING but smoke weed during random drug test season like some high school kid whose step-dad just doesn’t understand him. I’m starting to think that maybe picking Karlos Williams up in the draft was a bad idea, but I hope he proves me wrong. In the meantime, let’s go to some Reggie Bush college highlights and take a trip to our embarrassingly optimistic happy place.