I dropped the old nom de blog for Politico because, once the two presiding geniuses moved on to blight political journalism once again with Axios, the folks at Politico really turned things around, especially with the launch of Politico magazine. But, Lord save us, sometimes they tempt me sorely to pull it out of cold storage again.

Biden knows all this, and it has got to give him pause. He is one of our most esteemed and admired leaders. His favorability ratings have touched the 60-percentile range. He appeals to the kind of working-class voters Democrats have been bleeding to Republicans over the years. Most important, he could make a good president, and not just because he has a deep mix of domestic and foreign policy experience; he also has the character for the job. His eulogy at the McCain funeral was not just a riveting and poignant tribute to his good friend, but a testament to Biden’s own genuine grace and good humor. The speech salved some of the grief of those in our nation who worry that McCain’s passing has left a gaping hole in America’s moral fabric.

Now here’s what Biden should do next: Pick a Republican running mate in a “trans-party” third-party run for the White House.

This is such a perfect, unspoiled example of Beltway political wisdom that somebody should hang it on the wall at the Smithsonian. There is the appeal to Saint John McCain. There is the fundamentalist reliance on polling data—two years before anyone votes anywhere. There is the assumption that the nation was so grieving the passage of Saint John McCain that it noticed, to its sorrow, that there was a terrible rent in the country's moral fabric. (This, of course, was 18 years after we started torturing people.) And there is the author identification.

Juleanna Glover has worked as an adviser for several Republican politicians, including George W. Bush, Dick Cheney and Rudy Giuliani and advised the presidential campaigns of John McCain and Jeb Bush. She is on the Biden Institute Policy Advisory Board.

Perfect. She "advised" the politicians who turned torture into national policy, but this was prior to noticing the terrible rent in the country's moral fabric.

Juleanna Glover Getty Images

Every time the Democrats win enough elections actually to enact an agenda, we get a deluge of these pieces from "concerned Republicans"—and, it must be said, too damn many "concerned Democrats"—that this agenda cannot go too far, there being an impenetrable barrier to progressive issues whereby the right side of the spectrum apparently extends to infinity. And ignore the author's extended fantasy of how her dream ticket could get elected.

So far, so banal. But Ms. Glover has a glorious plot twist for us all. Ready?

Biden could run as the major third-party candidate with a principled conservative by his side. A number of Republicans stand out: Nebraska Sen. Ben Sasse, outgoing Ohio Gov. John Kasich and newly minted Utah Sen. Mitt Romney.

Mitt Romney. Principled Conservative.

Bill Clark Getty Images

Stop, Ms. Glover. You're killing me over here. I can't even summon up enough breath to explain that neither Sasse nor Kasich actually have done anything but make mouth-noises while the republic immolates itself. But Mitt Fcking Romney? Twice-beaten loser? The LGBT-friendly healthcare governor of Taxachusetts, or the hardballing king of self-deportation who can't have undocumented people cutting his hedges because he's running for president, for Pete's sake? His political career is a human half-pipe program—a 360, followed by a 720, and finishing off with a 1080 off the side of the damn mountain. It's a wonder he hasn't screwed himself into Middle Earth by now.

But, just for laughs, let's examine Ms. Glover's rationale for this extraordinarily ludicrous proposal.

What about policy? A Biden-led bipartisan ticket would pledge to serve a Cincinnatus-like single term and address all of the U.S.’s ticking time bombs like Social Security, Medicare, health care reform, climate change, money in politics, immigration, gerrymandering and infrastructure investment in four years. Why this pledge? It decouples a president from the demands of reelection politics while simultaneously easing concerns about age—Biden would be 78 on inauguration day.

Excellent. Declare yourself a lame-duck in your inaugural address, especially when there is absolutely no way that this fiasco could succeed except through a perilously narrow victory at the polls.

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It also ensures governance unpolluted by campaign finance concerns and narrow special interests inherent to maintain a winning coalition. This ticket would promise to force decisions on all the underlying structural policy matters damaging America’s long-term prospects and distorting our democracy. No more kicking the can down the road.

Joe Biden: Mr. Credit Card Bankruptcy Bill. Mitt Romney: Vulture Capitalist. Two obviously unpolluted souls come to clean out the stables in which they both got rich.

A third-party presidency would be genuinely disruptive. Today’s ironclad party discipline could well break down, and moderates on both sides could form a powerful, decisive block willing to work with the new president. The policies passed into law may not be ideal for either Democrats or Republicans, but that’s precisely the point: The major agenda items that must be addressed for America’s long-term fiscal health require each party to make sacrifices.

Sacrifices, you say?

A Biden-led bipartisan ticket would pledge to serve a Cincinnatus-like single term and address all of the U.S.’s ticking time bombs like Social Security, Medicare, health care reform, climate change, money in politics, immigration, gerrymandering and infrastructure investment in four years.

She wants to privatize Social Security and Medicare. Healthcare reform means the end of the Affordable Care Act. (Medicare For All is obviously off the table, ticking time bomb-wise.) Those things, I fear, actually would happen in this scenario. The rest of that list is an obvious fantasy and, as a veteran political operative, the author knows it. Half of the political biosphere doesn't even think climate change is happening.

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And, for our rousing conclusion:

Legacy political strategists will say that the structural impediments of ballot and presidential debate access, the overwhelming advantages of the two parties’ fundraising and voter turnout operations preordain failure. But they were wrong about Trump and they’re wrong now; with the right candidates, these legal and logistical hurdles are surmountable. All it takes is lawyering and money.

But, wait, isn't "money in politics" one of the ticking time-bombs that Joe 'n Mitt will be pledging to defuse during the approximately 13 months in which they would be allowed actually to govern?

Biden said recently that he is willing to “break his neck” to make sure Trump doesn’t serve a second term. That maybe a bit of a malapropism (Biden’s characteristic gaffes are part of his charm), but it’s accurate to say that something may have to be broken to ensure Trump isn’t re-elected—it’s the two-party system.

I have my own idea. Let's all get together and break the one political party that worked for four decades to make a politician like Donald Trump not only possible, but inevitable. Let's try that first.

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Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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