A lot of Christians, and a lot churches are trying to fool you. But I’m not going to let them. 🙂

They are trying to change what they say, their tactics, their tone. Their marketing and phrases seem to be welcoming to LGBTQ. But they have not changed their hearts.

Be very careful.

I will say that many using these phrases are just repeating what they have been taught. They may have what they believe to be ‘good intentions’, but the results can still be so damaging. However, there are others, way too many, who know exactly what they are doing. They are often trying to hide a conversion therapy mindset with these more welcoming statements.

If they use the term “Welcoming”, it often does not mean “affirming.” And the difference can destroy an LGBTQ person, devastate your LGBTQ child, and tear apart your family.

This is Rob, Susan’s husband writing today, and I want to help you by letting you know some ‘sneaky’ things you might hear from churches, people on social media, or even Christian friends and family, when they talk about LGBTQ.

These things reveal that they are actually not affirming at all. Here is what they say, followed by the CODE letting you know what they really mean.

1. We welcome gays here…. we are all born sinners or we are all born with issues or we are all broken or we live in a fallen world, etc.



CODE (What they really mean!): Being LGBTQ is sin. Gays are broken and need to be fixed.

2. We will pray for your gay child to be healed.

CODE: Your LGBTQ child is sick.

3. We will help your child as they deal with their sexual identity issues.

CODE: We don’t believe your child was created and born LGBTQ.

4. Many people have been “changed” – cured of being homosexual.

CODE: First, it’s a disease that needs healing, and second, people have been healed. (NOTE: These “changed/success stories” are rarely if ever true. Most are just LGBTQ people who have been shamed into trying to life a straight lifestyle. It is tragic for them and their families.)

5. With God, all things are possible.

CODE: Your prayer and goal should be to change your LGBTQ child.

6. It’s okay to be gay, but they just can’t act on it.

CODE: A committed loving same-sex relationship is sinful behavior.

7. I will pray for you, your child and your family.

CODE: There is something wrong with you, your child and your family because your child is LGBTQ.

8. I love gay people and I sit with them and show them what the Bible clearly says about homosexuals.

CODE: The Bible condemns homosexuality.

9. The use of the phrase “homosexual lifestyle.”

CODE: People choose to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or queer.

10. We are not here to fight and divide, but to testify to the transforming power of God’s love.

CODE: Someone needs to be transformed and it’s not them.

And a bonus one: “This is not God’s best for your child.

CODE: LGBTQ are second class, “less than” people in God’s eyes.

UPDATE: Due to “reader demand”, we had to share a link to our post about one of the most prominent ones: “Love the sinner, hate the sin.” Read more on that one here.

So now you know.

If you hear anyone say these things, let it be a red flag. Go deeper with that pastor, friend, family member or church. Ask them if they believe homosexuality is a sin. Ask them if they believe that LGBTQ people need to be healed or fixed. Ask them if they believe God blesses same-sex relationships. Ask them if LGBTQ people can serve fully in any and all leadership positions in their church.

If you find yourself in one of these ‘welcoming’ but non-affirming churches, you may feel called to stay – to stand up, share the truth of Jesus, share your heart, and love. Thank you. God bless you and give you strength.

You can click here to search and see what your church believes. Or you may decide it’s time to leave and find a truly affirming church. Click here for help finding an affirming church.

This kind of conditional love and limited acceptance brings about horrific, deadly results in the lives of LGBTQ and their families, especially our youth.



As I said, some of those who say these things do not realize how awful, dangerous, and heart-breaking these statements can be. But some of those who say these things know exactly what they are doing.

In either case, in whatever situation or church we find ourselves in, we now know. I hope we all will shine a light on these lies.

Enough is enough. It’s time.

– Rob Cottrell