CAN a woman be a feminist and still expect a man to pay for a first date?

This was the question raised during a particularly heated lunchroom discussion about the dating misadventures of one of our more unlucky-in-love colleagues.

All present at the debate – both men and women, senior and junior staff members (it was a slow news day and I’m pretty certain there was free chicken and chips on offer) – were in agreement: she should kick her latest suitor to the kerb.

You see, the bloke had made the rookie error, at a should-know-better age, of asking her to split a $40 restaurant bill on their inaugural outing.

When my surprised co-worker duly produced her wallet only to realise she didn’t have the requisite change, her companion insisted she at least pay the tip and held her to an undertaking that she’d pay for their follow-up date.

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Much to her colleagues’ surprise, she did indeed acquiesce to a sequel, which, yes, she paid for – and thanklessly, I might add.

While she wasn’t impressed with the guy’s tight-arsedness, she only terminated the relationship after learning from a third party he had a child from a previous relationship that he’d conveniently failed to mention.

But among all the lighthearted chatter about these love woes, another female colleague brought up an interesting point: are the ideals of feminism and the convention of a man paying for a first date incompatible?

I say no. Emphatically no.

I don’t believe it’s paradoxical to argue for women’s rights and equality, yet at the same time think a man should cough up for a couple’s first excursion, whether it costs him $50 or $500.

Manners and chivalry, not gender politics, should dictate who picks up the bill, particularly since, I’d venture, most first dates these days would still be at a man’s invitation.

Then there’s the fact that many women would have already outlaid the equivalent of a lobster and champagne meal on her pre-date prep: new frock, shoes, manicure, pedicure, wax,

blow-dry ... this stuff doesn’t grow on trees, fellas.

But in all seriousness, just because feminists quite rightly demand equal pay and opportunity, as well as the right not to be sexually harassed or discriminated against, doesn’t mean we deserve a dearth of romance.

If we’re going to apply the same logic we use in workplace and political equality to courtship, women still shouldn’t go Dutch; they should pay 81.8 cents for every dollar their date contributes, considering this is the average wage discrepancy between the sexes in Australia today.

If dating was equivalent to business or politics, a woman would only show up to every one in five dinner invitations, given that we sit at the table on just 20 per cent of ASX 200 company boards, and hold the same proportion of seats in parliaments globally.

Despite the great leaps our feminist foremothers have made, the disparity is still so real that some female bosses are taking extraordinary steps to redress it.

This week, Reddit chief executive Ellen Pao revealed she’d banned salary negotiations during the online company’s recruitment process because men tended to be more aggressive negotiators than women.

“Men negotiate harder than women do, and sometimes women get penalised when they do negotiate,” Pao said.

This is a woman who famously filed a sexual discrimination suit against her previous employer, US venture capital firm Kleiner Perkins, accusing it of effectively running a “boys’ club”.

One of the more ridiculous arguments made in the name of feminism is that women shouldn’t accept any gesture of respect from a man because of some bizarre notion of reverse discrimination.

If you’re going to bite a man’s head off for daring to hold a door open or waiting for you to leave an elevator first – as one infamous former intern did in a 2012 student newspaper “expose” in which she chastised the male employees of Melbourne’s Herald Sun for such “heteronormative”, “unnecessarily sexist” and, frankly, all-round disgusting behaviour – you really are scraping the bottom of the post-suffragette barrel.

Of course, after the first date or a few dates are over, expenses and financial responsibilities should be shared, as far as the respective incomes allow, but that’s not what this discussion is about.

As for that colleague of mine, she jumped right back in the saddle, otherwise known as Tinder.

I’m happy to report that, in a good omen, her latest paramour paid for their first night out at the casino – and even the taxi ride home.

He’s a keeper.

Caroline Marcus is a journalist at A Current Affair.

Twitter: @carolinemarcus