Editor's note: The author has decided to write under a pen name, to protect associates in Syria from possible reprisals.

The irony is not lost on Syrians that the very democracy and system of checks and balances that Bashar al-Assad so brutally denies them is now providing him with the cover and breathing space to carry on pacifying Syria. As the U.S. Congress debates taking military action against the Assad regime — a measure I ultimately support — I find myself holding the very same misgivings that have convinced other Syrians to oppose them.

When the British Parliament voted last week against any possibility of military action in Syria, the first I heard of the result was actually from relatives in Damascus. They had been watching the news intently and called me almost immediately to tell me, "Your guy lost the vote!" The sense of relief in their voices at Prime Minister David Cameron’s loss was palpable and in the days prior to the debate we had all shared a deep sense of foreboding. In our conversations I would ask them about the precautions they'd taken, and scold them for not taping up their windows to stop the glass from shattering on them. They still haven't done that yet. And yet in spite of our temporary relief there was also a sense of depression. The situation was still as it was, the fighting and the shelling did not stop. In fact it continued as "normal" the very next day.

The idea of wanting foreign intervention in Syria is one that I am still struggling with. At every moment, I ask myself if this is the right thing to do. What if innocent people are killed? What if this really is a prelude to turning Syria into some vassal state that is weak, corrupt and now completely subjugated by foreign countries. As a Syrian, I have had a lifetime of dogma fed to me about “the foreign enemy” coming to exploit us. But then I see the videos of those people who died from the chemical attack in the suburbs of Damascus, a short car journey from where we used to live. I forced myself to see them, though I have avoided watching many of the graphic clips that have been flooding my inbox in the last two years. I see a girl who can't believe she is alive, and a grown man flopping about like a fish out of water. There is no blood or outward signs of violence, just people who appear to have lost their minds and bodily functions because of some chemical. It was these videos that terrified me over my loved ones more than anything I had seen before. These people were apparently killed by their own government. If our lives are so cheap and worthless that fellow Syrians could lob missiles loaded with Sarin on us, then pray tell me, what is left for foreign conspiracies?