(Woman to Tarantula)





“Joan. Joan. Hey, Joan!” A hand grabbed the top of my laptop, and I quickly braced the screen before Hannah could close it. I sent the blonde a sharp glare, and she let up her grasp immediately. She had been my roommate for the past few years, and I’d grown used to her antics, even returning some of her pranks. I think she was surprised to find her quiet roommate could give as good as she got.

“What?” I gave her an exasperated look, trying to cover my amusement.

She leaned over, looking upside-down at my screen. “Whatcha doing?” Just like a puppy; if you didn’t pay attention to her for too long, she’d come bounding in, looking for something to do.

I waved her hair out of the way, chuckling despite myself. “Have you ever heard of TransFun.com?”

She nodded, tapping one of her fingers against her lower lip. “Isn’t that the site that sells potions that make people into animals? I keep hearing about them in the news.”

“Yeah.” The sight had been getting plenty of attention lately, namely with how they were able to offer ‘100% safe changes’. “And you know how you wanted to try having a cat?” I looked up to her to find her frowning.

“I think I know where this is going...”

“Probably. I ordered a vial of their cat serum, so I could try being your pet for the weekend.” I grinned from ear to ear. “It should get here later today.”

Hannah gasped, a shocked look on her face. “Joan, are you serious? Think of the health hazards; think of what could happen if you don’t change back?”

Like a bucket of ice water, reality sank in, damping my spirits. “Well...” I muttered, a flush of embarrassment spreading across my face.

“More importantly, think about how I’ve always wanted a pet cat!” She hugged me tightly, squealing with joy.

“Hey!” I gasped, windmilling my arms as I tried to stay balanced. “Easy, girl.” I patted her arms, trying to get her to let up. It was good to see she wasn’t really worried, but now I had to be worried for my health.

“You’d better get used to it if you’re going to be my kitty for the next few days.” She said, squeezing me more.

I laughed at that. “Don’t make me regret this.” I said, slapping her on her arm.

Her hug tightened by way of response.

“H-hey, I can’t breathe!” I shrugged her off slightly, and she latched on to my arm instead. “What’s got you so riled up?”

Hannah beamed. “My parents never let me have a cat, since my mom’s allergic. But ever since I rented this place with you, I’ve been thinking about getting one. I couldn’t though, since I was really worried about training it, or being able to take care of it when I have classes.”

I smiled at her. “But if I’m your cat...”

“It’s perfect!” She finished my thought with a happy chirp. “Besides, I’ve heard plenty of stories about TransFun being completely safe.”

“And of course, you’re not selectively remembering the good things to keep me from backing out?” I rolled my eyes.

“Mmm... Nope.” Hannah grinned, still hugging me. “So, subject change! Have you prepared for this?”

I nodded. “I bought a small thing of kitty litter—oh, don’t make that face.” I slapped her arm, laughing. “And I bought a pair of feed mice.”

Hannah’s jaw went slack, and she looked me in the eye curiously. “Wait. What?”

“Oh come on, it’s natural in the wild, you know.” I smiled sheepishly. “I just thought it’d be nice to, you know, be a cat.”

“Mm-hm. So you’ll be hunting, prowling... Wait, does that mean you’re going to constantly lick yourself?” She smiled mischievously.

“Well, sure, after all, I’ll be a cat, and—” I paused mid-sentence, catching onto her sexual implication. “I—That is—Well—” I felt a flush creep to my cheeks as common speech decided to flee my brain, leaving a babbling idiot behind.

“Oh my God, you totally are! I was just teasing!” Hannah burst out into laughter, rolling across my bed with laughter.

“St—stop! It’s not funny!” My face continued to redden, and of course she had to notice.

“You—you look like a tomato!” She gasped, her laughter degenerating into quiet wheezes.

“Well, tomato this!” I bopped her on the head with one of my pillows, immediately regretting the decision as a fierce gleam came into her eyes.

“Oh, this is war, now.” She grabbed my other pillow, the one with a plastic neck support in it.

My eyes widened, a half-formed warning on my lips as she swung the pillow into the side of my head.



“I am just so sorry.” Hannah knelt apologetically by my side, doing her best to massage my shoulders.

“‘S fine.” I mumbled, head first in my other pillow with an ice pack on part of my jaw. I shifted slightly, glaring at the plastic support.

“Would it help if I got you a thingy of catnip? For, you know, later?” Hannah patted my back, and I shrugged.

“Mmaybe. Head hurts.” It didn’t really, but there was nothing wrong with playing with Hannah for a little bit. It was nice to have someone baby me.

Then, a knock came on the door, I jolted upright immediately, forgetting about my ‘headache’.

“Joan, are you okay?” Hannah pressed my shoulders, trying to keep me down.

I shrugged free of her grasp, my head flicking from side to side expectantly. “Forget about that, did you hear a knock?”

“I did, but—”

A second knock echoed through our apartment, I pushed Hannah aside, scrambling to my feet.

“It’s here!” I grinned back at her. We rushed to the front of our apartment, expectant smiles on each of our faces.

“Um... Hi.” The deliveryman was a little taken aback by our enthusiasm. Whatever, at the end of the day, he’d still be human. “Package for a Miss... Joan Vance?”

I nodded eagerly. “That’s me!”

“Sign here.” He tapped his clipboard, proffering a pen.

I did, hurriedly waving him off a moment later.

“Oh my God, is that it?” Hannah was practically bouncing by my shoulder, an anticipatory grin across her features.

I closed the door, happier than I’d been all week. The package was labeled as TransFun—tearing it open revealed a smaller box labeled “For Transformation ONLY”. It was accompanied by a set of papers with what looked to be instructions on them.

I looked at those first, never one to do something unprepared. “Thanks for your purchase!” It read at the top in bold, friendly letters. Just below that was a detailed disclaimer: “Do not consume if pregnant. Do not feed to animals. If you consume more than one product from TransFun, be prepared to face any and all consequences. If you are ever in danger of death, an emergency protocol will activate, moving you safely out of harm’s way and reverting you to your natural form. If you believe that any changes have been made in error, contact us at 1-800-TRF HELP (1-800-873-4357), and we will do our best to accommodate you. Happy changing!”

I let out a small sight of relief. Their thoroughness with their safety procedures left her with plenty of confidence. I gave the page to Hannah—she’d need to know who to contact in the unlikely event that something went wrong.

The next sheet regarded anthro transformations. I tossed it aside, no need for that.

The last page was titled “Full Transformations”. Perfect, just what the weekend called for. “For instantaneous change, cool the product beforehand. Heating will result in a slower, more cinematic change—for the enthusiasts. For first time users, we recommend drinking the potion at room temperature. Please remember that you transform, not your clothes—we always recommend stripping and removing any accessories.”

All of it made sense, and it seemed like I was properly trained for the rest of the weekend. I hurriedly stripped, eager to get the changes underway.

Hannah started, arching her eyebrow. “Um. What are you—”

“Ever seen a cat wearing clothes?” I grinned mischievously at her, cutting her off. She nodded, a dawning realization in her smile.

“Earrings.” She pointed out helpfully.

I smiled, handing her each one in turn. “Thanks.” As an afterthought, I gave her my watch, too. I bent over, picking up the box and moving to our common area. “You ready for this?”

Hannah laughed. “I should be asking you that! I just have to take care of a cuddly kitty for the rest of the weekend!” She grabbed the box from me, handing me the vial.

“Well, here goes.” I gave her a faint smile, uncorking the plastic container. I then tilted my head back, downing it in one go.

I don’t know what I expected, but it certainly wasn’t a fruity, yet salty flavor. I blinked a few times in surprise. “Did it work?”

There was a moment of silence before Hannah pointed to my legs. “Look!”

I bent over to see a few long brown hairs push their way from my skin.

“Oh, this is so cool!” Hannah gasped, kneeling down to look at them.

“Cool? You’re damn right this is cuurrck!” My reply was cut to a choking gasp as my jaw cracked, splitting in two down the middle. Before I could take stock of that, it closed off, my bifurcated tongue being sealed within what seemed to be forming mandibles. My teeth were forced to the outside of my mouth, merging to form an impressive pair of fangs.

Hannah blinked, raising a trembling finger to my face. “I—I don’t think that’s supposed to happen.”

Drool dripped from my fangs uncontrollably as my salivary glands shifted to venom-producing sacs. My eyes watered as I continued to leak, trails of saliva finally giving way to a few milky drops of venom.

Hannah screamed, and I joined her. My body jolted to the left as two more appendages burst form the right side of my body. Frantically, I windmilled my arms, trying to adjust to the new weight that seemed determined to drag me onto my side. Then, another pair of limbs burst from my left, making my struggles a moot point.

As I fell, I was able to get a better glimpse at my new limbs. They looked just like my arms, two joints in each arm a little past the shoulder. Fleshy nubs marked the end of these new arms, which slammed against the ground when I finally made contact.

Coarse hair sprouted from each of my legs, and I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to run, as though that would help. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t. I could feel each of my legs skitter across the ground, hear Hannah scramble away from me.

My pace slowed as I realized she was feeling less and less of the floor beneath my new legs. I opened my eyes to find that the skin on each of my nubs was hardening to form a chitinous plate. I blinked, raising one of them closer to my eyes to find that it had a thin hooked claw at the end.

“Um... Joan?” Hannah called, her voice somehow coming from above me.

I looked up, finding Hannah was somehow standing on the wall.

“I think you’re turning into some sort of spider.” She said, her voice wavering with terror.

Gee, really? I shut my eyes as my skull and torso felt pinched. My claws released form the wall, and I could hear Hannah scurrying back in terror as my chitinous back slapped against the floor with a dull crack.

All of my legs thrashed wildly in the air as my thorax formed, a pinching between my hips and my ribs. I shut my eyes, feeling my body shrink, my rear bloom out. My eyes were forced open again as my eyelids were absorbed into my face, and I could feel them split apart, a hard, dry layer forming above each of them. After a few gut-wrenching minutes, it felt like the changes were done.

I refocused my eyes to find the world was nothing like I’d expected. Sure, it was upside down—I expected that. But nothing could have prepared me for looking at the world from eight different eyes. My head ached as I was able to see the floor above me, the walls to my sides, the room ahead.

I whipped my legs through the air, trying to right myself. None of my muscles worked the way they should—I could just barely control four of my legs, the arachnoid limbs flailing through the air. I could feel every motion through the hairs on my legs, but there was something more than that—I could feel something moving in the room.

With a start, I realized Hannah was still there. Or was she? I couldn’t hear her anymore, but I could almost feel her in the room. I had no idea that tarantulas were deaf. I mean, I suspected—they don’t have ears, after all. But I’d never even thought of thinking of life through a spider’s perspective.

I sensed footsteps as someone drew closer, kicking my self-preservation instinct into overdrive. An idea came to me, and I kicked one set of legs at a time, rocking myself from side to side, hoping to flip myself over and escape whatever was approaching my softer underbelly.

Warm hands cupped around my form, and I ceased my struggles. That’s right, Hannah was logically the only other thing in the room. She’d keep me safe. One of her hands turned, flipping me onto my belly. I looked up to find her face refracted across all of my fields of vision, a look of concern across her pretty features.

Her lips moved. “Joan?” I could feel the vibration of her voice in the air, and was suddenly extremely glad for learning how to lip-read. Who would’ve thought that a skill used to talk behind the teacher’s back in grade school would have such importance later in life?

I nodded my arachnid head, my mandibles wiggling slightly as I tried to smile.

“Oh. Oh my God.” Her right eye ticked every now and then, and I had no doubt that the only thing keeping her from flinging me across the room was that I was still me. “You’re not a cat at all.”

Excellent observation, Hannah, maybe you would care to tell me the sky is blue? With a start, I realized that it still was. Apparently spiders weren’t colorblind—though everything seemed a little fuzzier at the sides of my vision. It must have had something to do with my extra eyes—the side pair wasn’t as precise as my front pair.

“Um... What do we do now?” Hannah was close to hyperventilating, and I tapped her palm with one of the legs I still had control of, unwilling to experiment for fear that it might set her off.

Air rushed around me as I was brought back to the ground. I crawled off of her quickly, feeling her rise behind me a moment later. There had to be some way for me to communicate with her... My four forward eyes alighted on our gaming cabinet.

I concentrated on twitching different muscles in my body, figuring out how to raise and lower my legs. Air rushed behind me, and I titled my head to make out Hannah saying the word ‘creepy’. Well, that’s not how I planned to spend my weekend, either...

I didn’t have fingers or toes, so maybe if I tried twitching those unused muscles... One of my legs flicked as I concentrated of it, and I let out an internal cheer. After a few more minutes, I was able to work out how to move my new limbs in synchronization, and I slowly made my way over to the wood dresser.

I tapped at the door with one of my forelegs meaningfully, and Hannah tentatively made her way to me. What? I wasn’t going to bite, or anything. At least, I probably wouldn’t. Besides, nobody’s died from a little nibble. Probably.

Hannah opened the cabinet, making sure to give me time to back away. To be considerate, I made sure to move away from her feet. Once the door was fully open, I skittered up to our Ouija board, an old prank gift from one of our friends back in high school.

It looked like it would come in handy now, though. My rear eyes could see Hannah’s mouth open into a small ‘o’ as she realized my purpose. I moved back, waiting patiently for her to open the box and place the board on the ground.

“Okay, what now?” She asked, letting me make my way onto the board.

I looked around its surface, my claws tapping on the laminated cardboard. I skittered over to the C, tapping it with my foremost right leg. I looked up at Hannah and she nodded. Then, I made my way to the A, then the L, tapping the last one twice.

“Call? Call w—” Hannah slapped her forehead. “Of course! God, you must think I’m such an airhead.”

No more than usual, sweetheart. I waited patiently on the board as she ran to the box from TransFun, pulling her phone from her pocket. She frantically dialed the number, then set the phone across from me. I could feel faint vibrations from it, a call being made.

Hurriedly, I tapped out ‘deaf’ on the board, and Hannah nodded sheepishly. “Oh, I guess you don’t have ears.”

The air around the phone vibrated as someone on the other line spoke.

I looked up at Hannah, waiting for her to respond. “No, not you. I was talking to my friend. Um, right. We ordered a product from you a little bit ago.” She bit her lip nervously.

Another vibration. It was the weirdest thing, hearing the conversation but being unable to listen to it.

“No, it worked. The problem is, we didn’t receive the right product.”

Vibration.

Hannah’s brow crinkled. “Well I’m sure that hardly ever happens, but Joan ordered a cat serum and she’s a tarantula now.”

Vibration, this time faster, more nervous. A second later, the air pulsed again, this time in a different pattern. Maybe whoever was helping us called in someone else.

“Oh, thank you. No, she’s all right. Yes, she’s able to communicate with us.” Hannah twirled a lock of hair around her finger absently. That was a good sign—she usually did that when she was at ease.

Another vibration, and Hannah looked down to me. “Joan, they’re willing to reimburse your purchase, send you two vials of cat serum, a third of your own choice, and also pay for any expenses incurred by this change. Is that okay with you?”

I tapped the ‘Yes’ on the board, then hurriedly tapped out a few words.

I could see Hannah spelling them out in her head, forming a few sentences. “Yes, but she wants... reversal? Oh, she wants to know how to change back.”

Vibration.

Hannah nodded. “Mm-hm. Okay, so they have no forced reversal things in stock, so you can wait it out.” She bit her lip, and I could tell that she was holding something back.

‘Or?’ I tapped.

“Or... I could try to squish you, and that would trigger the safety reversal.” Hannah’s eyes were filled with worry as she said that, and I hurriedly tapped ‘No’ on the board.

Hannah let out a sigh of relief. “Okay, she doesn’t want that. We’re just going to wait this out, thanks.”

Vibration.

“Joan, can they do anything else for you?” Hannah looked down to me. “I really don’t want to be on their side, but they’re offering us a lot, and I think they’re genuinely sorry...”

‘Later.’ I tapped. That time, I used three of my limbs to tap letters on the board. Damn, I was getting good at this.

“You mean when you’re human again?”

‘Yes’

Hannah’s head bobbed. “Right, she might, but that’ll be later. Can I have a phone number to reach for this?” Hannah scrambled to her feet, grabbing my laptop from the couch. I looked up, hearing her talk, but unable to read her lips. Still, judging from the curtness of her responses, it had to be something along the lines of ‘Mhmm, okay, thanks’.

Hannah clicked the phone off, walking over to me. “So... What now?”



We settled on watching TV for the next few hours; I even managed to get her to pet me every now and then. That was a weird, but exhilarating experience. I could feel the motion of her finger through my fur, a pleasing stroke that set my mind at ease. But I couldn’t feel any of her warmth, or how hard she was pressing—my chitin made sure of that.

Thanks to that, scratches were quickly brought out of the question. They felt good, too, but having my entire body rubbed was out of this world. There was no real way to describe how her hands felt against my fur; it was like a light, furry blanket was being run along my body, only my body was the blanket, and—it was just great.

I settled in, watching the blurry shapes on screen. I didn’t have the heart to tell Hannah that I couldn’t really hear or see the television. Thankfully, she’d chosen some old Disney movies, which were vibrant and memorable enough that I was still able to follow along.

Hannah sighed, looking down to me. “Are you hungry?” She asked.

Crap. I hadn’t even thought of that. I bobbed my body to approximate a nod, wondering how she’d feed me. More than that—what was it that tarantulas ate, anyways? Bugs? Birds? Mice? I shuddered at the thought, unwilling to sink my fangs into one of the fluffy creatures. I mean, I’d bought a pair of mice in preparation for becoming a cat, but—oh no.

Sure enough, Hannah smiled mischievously. “Well, when I was looking for DVDs, I head a skittering in your room. In my defense, I thought you were attracting more tarantulas—” She paused to shudder and make a face.

I couldn’t help but take some slight offense to that. I was cuddly enough, for an eight-limbed, hairy, chitinous—okay, so she might have had a point.

“Anyways, I found your box of feed mice. And I figured, if you were willing to have them as a cat, why not as a spider?” Hannah smiled at me.

Why not now? I could think of half a dozen reasons: first off, it was gross! First off, I could vaguely remember some video mentioning that spiders digest food outside their mouth. Second, the mouse would now be closer to my size! They were still small rodents, but that didn’t change m y hesitation to eat them!

I frantically shook my body, realizing a second too late how close that was to the motion I used to nod.

Hannah smiled, completely misreading me. “Hold on, be right back.” She stood up, jogging from the room.

No. Nonono. That was not going to happen, I didn’t care how hungry I felt, that was not an option.

Hannah returned with the box in one hand, and I could practically feel them scurrying around in the box, feeling their tiny pulses racing. I looked to her other hand and saw her old gerbil cage. She couldn’t be serious! I wasn’t about to eat one of them! I mean, I wanted to as a cat, yeah, but there was something about my new body being closer in size to them, coupled with my new mouth. How in the hell was that supposed to work?

Before I could protest, she scooped me into the cage. My claws tapped against the plastic as I started to crawl out, but as I reached the lip she dropped a mouse into the container.

Just like that, I was suddenly reminded of how hungry I was. When was the last time I’d eaten? Breakfast? Yeah, that sounded right. And transforming was so stressful...

Before I had realized it, I had skittered over to the small mouse. It quivered in fear as I eyed it hungrily, my fangs sliding out. Oh, hell. Like anyone would judge a tarantula for eating a mouse.

I crept closer, a predatory grin forming in my mind. The little rat must have sensed my intent, because it nimbly darted to the other side of the plastic cage, scrabbling at the walls. Far from dissuading me, the sound was akin to someone stirring spaghetti: a sound that dinner was ready.

I clattered over to it, feeling Hannah cheer me on above me. The mouse tried to weave around me again, but this time I was prepared, my peripheral eyes locking on to it as it moved to escape. A surge of hitherto-unknown power flowed through my legs, and I sprang upon my prey, sinking my fangs deep into its body.

It trembled slightly, and I pushed them in deeper, two parts of my mouth clamping down on the rodent. I realized that they were actually a pair of smaller legs, no doubt used for feeding. Huh; how did I not notice them before? I focused on them, increasing their pressure on my next meal.

The mouse quailed a little more, then stiffened as I sank my fangs into its small body. Instinctively, my venom sacs twitched, pulsing waves of toxin into the mouse. It twitched slightly, paralysis stopping its heart, leaving the little creature to twitch weakly as life left its body.

“Well, now what?” Hannah gave voice to my thoughts, her head hovering over the cage.

I honestly had no idea. Thankfully, my body did, my fangs continuing to pump liquid into the mouse. I looked down to find it was dissolving beneath the torrent of digestive enzymes. Tentatively, I lowered my head to it, a thin straw from behind my mandibles entering the rodent’s body.

Speaking of, having mandibles was just the strangest sensation. It was like having another set of limbs right in front of you when trying to eat. And even eating was odd, since it was like drinking things through a straw. Even now, it was hard to believe that this body was mine. But, seeing is believing, and seeing was something I was exceptionally good at now.

“Joan, you eating it yet?” Hannah looked down, watching as I greedily sucked away at the innards of the mouse.

While I’m hesitant to call anything like a ‘meat smoothie’ delicious, this was absolutely delicious. And hey, ‘meat smoothie’ was the best way to describe it. Hannah must have caught onto what I was doing, because she immediately backed away.

She was past my focus, but I could imagine her gagging. Well, she was the one who gave me this; she should have expected my meal’s inevitable conclusion.

Before I’d known it, I’d lost myself to the meal, sucking happily away at the mouse. As a tarantula, I didn’t have taste buds, nutrition determined something’s taste, and this was absolutely delicious.

Hannah walked back a few minutes later, a camera in one of her hands. I waved one of my rear legs s she approached, and she offered me a wary smile. “You about done?” She asked.

I paused; then shook my head. This mouse was just too damn good! I’d offer her some, but I don’t think she’d appreciate the gesture.

“Seriously?” She arched an eyebrow, leaning down to snap a picture of me. It was really weird to have a giantess of a friend, but I guess it’d be weirder for her.

The pre-flash went off, and I crawled a little away, suddenly-self conscious. I wasn’t fast enough to dodge from the shutter, probably because my mouth was still clamped around the mouse. That was when I learned tarantulas could hiss.

It was completely involuntary, in my defense. Natural reflex, and all that. I reared back onto my hind legs, the mouse coming with me. The pair of legs before my mouth twitched slightly, and a loud hiss erupted from my throat. Its effect up on Hannah was noticeable, immediate, and hilarious.

She stumbled backwards, flailing her arms as she ran comically away from me. It was really lucky she had her camera’s wrist strap on, because that thing would have gone flying across the room. My body twitched with unheard laughter at the feeling of her yelp of fear.

With that, I went back to my meal, enjoying the wet onrush of meat in my throat. Funny how someone’s standards for ‘gross’ changed when they were a tarantula.

Vibrations precluded Hannah’s return, and I turned to find her in her old skating protective gear, complete with a bike helmet. I shook a little with laughter, then hissed again for effect. She flinched this time, but didn’t run.

“You still in there, Joan?” She tapped the plastic cage with a gloved finger.

I bobbed my head in a nod.

“You’ve been eating that mouse for a while, you know.”

I bobbed my head again.

“Don’t you want to do other things?” Hannah arched an eyebrow.

I paused, letting the mouse fall from my jaw. Other things? Like what? I raised my two front limbs in the spider’s equivalent of a shrug to ask her. I suppose I could have crawled to the Ouija board, but then I’d have made the effort when I could be eating.

“Well, we could do a photo shoot. You want some memories of this, right?” Hannah’s hand tapped against her helmet as she tried in vain to scratch her head. “I mean, I don’t know, what else could we do?

I sighed inwardly. I really hated having my picture taken, but on the other hand, I couldn’t think of anything better to do... And the mouse was getting lukewarm, anyways. Much like a smoothie that had reached room temperature, the mouse was well past its ideal temperature of consumption.

Hesitantly, I laid the mouse down, then crawled out from the cage, quietly proud of how wary Hannah seemed. Well? I raised my limbs expectantly.

“Oh. Y-you want me to carry you?” She took a hesitant step back.

What the heck? She was fine with holding me a moment ago, was the sight of me eating really that bad? Still, she had to get over her fears at some point. I bobbed my head, egging her on.

Hannah sighed, her lower lip trembling as she slowly picked me up. I stroked her hand with one of my legs, doing my best to nuzzle one of her thumbs. It had the desired effect almost immediately, a relieved smile breaking across my friend’s face.

“Sorry, I kind of forgot who was piloting the monster spider.” She smiled sheepishly, tossing her helmet off to the side.

Idly, I wondered what would happen if I hissed again. Probably bad things. Instead, I let her carry me to our family room. To my surprise, I found she’d set up what looked to be a makeshift photo room, her camera set across from the blank white of her doorway.

Hannah set me down on her dresser, looking down at me. “Don’t go anywhere.” She stressed the last word, a nervous glance to the drawers. I beamed inwardly, realizing her underwear was right below me. That said, it would probably be uncouth of me to snuggle up in them, or lay eggs. Could I lay eggs?

I turned around, freezing as something moved inn my peripheral vision. I turned and it moved, too, another spider in Hannah’s room! Could I warn her? Could I prey on it? What was it doing behind that glass— I was looking at a mirror. I tapped it with one of my forelegs, sighing inwardly. No wonder animals always freaked out at their own reflections; that was disconcerting.

I stopped to admire my reflection. Well, admire was less a correct expression than ‘examine’. After all, I wasn’t entirely okay with being a tarantula, and my every instinct screamed at me to be wary of the other spider in the room.

The first thing I noticed—besides the fact that I was a fuzzy arachnid, of course—was how odd my reflection seemed. I realized with a start that it was because I had three pairs of eyes simultaneously examining a flat surface, and my mind didn’t quite auto-adjust to the different angles. The end result was that it made me look skewed, bloated almost.

At least, I hoped that was just an optical illusion. For all I knew, eating that mouse could have had a few more side effect than I’d originally thought. Was my face always that—my face! I looked into the reflection more closely, my mouth and two pairs of eyes filling up most of the reflection.

The pair of legs before my mouth twitched slightly, and I gazed suspiciously at them. Back when I was eating, I thought they had a mind of their own, operating only on instinct. But that couldn’t have been right, could it? After all, when I was human I could move my lips. And since I didn’t have lips...

I cleared my head, focusing on smiling. Sure enough, the small pair of legs before my mouth twitched slightly, parting to some impressive fangs. Well, I guess they weren’t that impressive compared to other animals’, but they were pretty big for my size.

I worked the legs around, noticing that I was actually wiggling my fangs slightly. On one of the passes, my right face... leg... mandible brushed against the wood of Hannah’s dresser, and the taste of oak filled my senses. That was odd, I thought as I brushed over the dresser again. Just as before, I tasted the dresser from my mandibles. Only I guess ‘mandibles’ wasn’t the right term, given those little legs I had in front of my fangs. Whatever, it sounded smarter than ‘mouth parts’.

Twitching them was also odd. Thankfully, I’d seen close-ups of bugs before, so it wasn’t too disturbing. I just had to get over the completely alien sensation that this was my body now. My abnormally furry body... I focused harder, looking at the small hairs on my form.

Upon closer examination, ‘fur’ wasn’t quite the best way to describe it. From this close, I could see that the hairs were actually spaced just enough to let me feel things—beneath it was my shiny carapace. I looked like some kind of alien freak, a monster in any sense of the word. With that thought, I backed away, losing focus of the chitinous arachnid and seeing the fluffy pet once more.

There, that was better. Kind of. I couldn’t forget what I’d seen, but at least I was unable to see it now. I practiced flexing my legs, bringing my abdomen up and down. Sure enough, my reflection seemed to change based on the position of my body. Well, at least I probably wasn’t as fat as I seemed.

Still, even with the distortions, I was huge. Small wonder Hannah was put on edge by me! An idea stuck me, and I turned around, using my rearmost pair of eyes to look at my reflection from behind. While things were much fuzzier than normal, it was easier to get a better view of my hindquarters using them. Funny how I could now actually almost literally watch my back.

I noticed that in front of me, Hannah had stopped moving. I refocused on my front set of eyes to find she was watching me with a bemused smirk on her face.

“Feeling a little narcissistic?” She grinned.

I raised my forelegs in a shrug, then quickly spun around to see what the action would look like in the mirror. It actually looked almost menacing, and I was immediately glad that Hannah was able to read the intention behind it.

“Ooh, scary.” Hannah grinned, leaning in closer. Suddenly, I could see her from both the reflection before me and my rearmost pair of eyes. I shook my head to clear away the sudden sense of dizziness that threatened to overwhelm me.

Then, a mischievous idea entered my head, and I reared myself back onto my hind legs, splaying my front legs wide. That had the desired effect on Hannah, my roommate standing up so quickly, it probably gave her whiplash.

I added a faint hissing to it, relishing how pale Hannah had gotten.

“Please stop, Joan...” She mumbled faintly, covering her mouth with her hands to suppress the scream that was no doubt bubbling up from her throat.

I immediately dropped back to all eight limbs, twitching my mandibles with amusement.

I watched Hannah come up from behind me, raising her hand to gently pet me. All of my eyes watched her hand’s slow descent; then they all lost focus as a wave of pure bliss ran through my body. My gaze when back to my reflection, a large spider practically melting into a puddle of pleasure and relaxation.

“Aww.” Hannah cooed. “I guess you’re not so bad after all, eh?”

I kicked one of my back legs slightly in response, and Hannah stopped her scratching to look me over.

“Even if you are kind of gross.”

What? That was hardly fair! That might call for a little retribution, as a matter of fact... I stood upright, then made as if to crawl into her underwear drawer.

“Hey, hey, hey!” She shouted, frantically plucking me off of her dresser. My legs kicked wildly in the air for a moment before she placed me neatly atop her shoulder. Still flustered, I started running, only to pause when I realized I had carried my headlong charge directly into her cleavage.

Nervously, I clanked up to find Hannah was white as a ghost, her pupils completely dilated. “Please... Get... Out... Of... There.” I looked up and realized she was extremely close to her breaking point, faint beads of sweat trickling down her face.

I did my best to keep my claws from pricking her skin as I crawled back to her one of her hands, and she let out a sigh of relief, cupping me in one of her hands as she slumped back onto her bed, her whole frame shaking. The air around me trembled, and I realized she was talking.

Slightly agitated, I tapped her palm with one of my legs. She opened her hands, looking at me with a relieved smile. “Sorry Joan, but you are still a tarantula. I’m fine with you posing with me, but on the other hand, I do have my limits.

She smiled a little nervously, and I tapped against her hand sympathetically. I guess it was easier on me than on her; I just had to be a tarantula. She was the one that had to put up with living with a spider. I twitched slightly with amusement.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.” She muttered, rolling her eyes.

Wait, she could understand me? I jolted slightly and she smirked at me. “I’m a psych major, if I couldn’t pick up on your body language after this much, then I’d have to hang my head in shame.” She said.

I contemplated telling her later about how she botched my attempts to nod, to shake my head. No, it’d probably be better for her to keep on pretending. ...Unless she didn’t botch them, and was just pranking me in return for having to live with a spider.

I leaned up to look at her inquisitively, and she demurely avoided my gaze, unable to hide the forming smile on her face. Why, that conniving—

“So photo session?” Hannah said, expertly interrupting my thoughts. The girl had a talent for preemptively shutting someone’s anger down, I had to give her that. If she wasn’t such a joker, she’d probably be a world-class therapist.

Still... I had a plan for revenge. I let her have her fun for a bit, posing up and down her arm, her leg, taking various pictures with her in different outfits. Then, she let her guard down, letting me on her shoulder while she changed her jeans.

Almost immediately, I seized my opportunity. I scurried onto her face to let out a loud hiss into her ear. Hannah’s reaction was immediate, though a little unexpected. Her whole body locked up, and she fell face-first onto her bed.

Luckily, I was able to see the mattress rushing up to greet me. I smartly scurried out of the way, resting on the back of her head. Before I could register the motion, her hands snapped up to grab me, cupping me in a secure grip.

I relaxed, despite my body’s instincts. Hannah probably wasn’t going to squish me. Probably. Maybe it would be a good idea to try and run...

Just as the thought crossed my mind, the flow of air through Hannah’s hands changed immediately. It felt like she’d stood, and was moving somewhere. Where was she taking me? What was going on? A few seconds later, I had my answer, finding myself back in the gerbil cage.

Hannah scooped up the mouse and slammed the cover on the cage, locking it tightly. “Bad! Don’t do that again!” She said sternly. Then, she realized she was holding a partially dissolved mouse. I watched Hannah retch, running for the kitchen sink.

I couldn’t see her, but judging from what I could pick up, it was probably just dry heaving. Something flowing steadily resounded through the cage. Hopefully, it was the sink, and not her lunch. A minute later, and I had my answer—there was no way Hannah had eaten that much. She was probably washing her hands repeatedly.

A few minutes of that, and she finally finished, walking back to my cage with a frown on her face. “Okay, with that we’re even for the mouse AND the paint incident.” I started. That was her?? No way! “But for now, we’re going back to watching movies. And if you’re very good, then I might let you out of the cage in an hour.”



It turned out to just be half an hour, a particularly scary movie requiring her to have a companion as close as possible. We kept watching movies until well past the sun had set, going from romantic comedies straight into horror movies.

Hannah fell asleep after Revenge of the Zombie Strippers from Mars 4. Thankfully, it seemed my array of B-movies didn’t frighten her as much as the quality movies at the top of my collection. To be honest, I pointed out this movie in particular, knowing its slow pacing would knock her out for a bit. For whatever odd reason, I was completely awake. I guess spiders got sleepy in a different way than people.

But it was probably for the best that she was still asleep. After all, I wanted to explore a little bit, and that would be a lot harder if I had to watch out for an overly skittish roommate.

I delicately crawled over her hand, careful to make sure I didn’t prick her hand with the claws at the end of my legs. She continued to snore loudly, her lips parted ever so slightly. The thought of waking her via a leg in her mouth passed through my head, but I quickly dismissed it. As funny as it would be, I didn’t want to scar her for life. Or accidentally get eaten.

Instead, I made my way to the edge of our couch, looking down with trepidation. I had mastered walking, but moving along vertical surfaces was something else... Hesitantly, I placed one of my legs on the fabric, testing the waters.

I didn’t feel anything particular, which was good or bad. Either my claws would adhere naturally with pressure, or I’d soon be much closer to the floor. Hopefully, it’d be like during my transformation, and I wouldn’t need to think about it.

Still, the thought of falling daunted me. Then again, I’d be able to explore the room if I was able to make it down. I steeled myself, preparing for the inevitable. Then, I quickly walked to the side of our upholstery.

To my pleasant surprise, there I remained, held fast to the fabric. Somehow, the new angle wasn’t as dizzying as I’d anticipated. It probably had something to do with me missing an inner ear; or how I was able to get used to looking at the new world with my eight eyes. Either way, I was able to navigate my way to our floor without too much trouble.

But then what could I do? I turned my body, surveying the room in its entirety. Well, I always wanted to see what our apartment looked like upside-down; that was as good a start as any. I skittered my way to the wall, slowly pressing me two forelegs against the wall.

For whatever reason, it was harder to psych myself up for going up the wall than it would have been for me to go down it. It probably had something to do with the fact that I was expecting myself to do what was once impossible to my old form, making a climb that would have been inaccessible to me without using something from Mission: Impossible.

But as with so many other things in life, this moment boiled down to a simple choice. I could either remain on the ground, regretting the missed opportunity for the rest of my life. Or, I could have one hell of an experience and a great story to tell.

A hitherto-unknown adventurous side of me bubbled to the surface, and I forced myself to rear to my hind legs, splaying my forelegs wide. It was do or die time, and while I hoped the latter wouldn’t come to pass, the company did promise that in such an event I’d be safe. What did I have to lose?

I slapped my body against the wall, willing myself to push forward, to crawl ahead without regards to common sense, to gravity. My claws held fast, tiny surfaces on each finding purchase in our paint, and I made my way upward.

My rearmost eyes tracked my progress, gauging my ascent as I rose inch by inch, foot by foot. Had I a human stomach, I might have felt queasy by how high I was from safety, but I wasn’t human anymore. I was a tarantula, made for climbing, for rising to heights unknown.

In less than a minute, I’d made my way to where the wall met the ceiling. This was it, the big one. This time, I’d be grabbing onto something which I had no right to, defying physics. I put all of my faith in my claws; and failing that, in my chitin.

I surged forward, all eight of my legs rapidly moving in a mad dash to get completely on the flat surface, as though that would make things better. Much to my surprise, it did almost immediately. Having little sense for what was up and what was down, staying on the ceiling was much like staying on the floor, only there was a faint force pulling my upwards.

Gravity? Ha! My claws laughed in the face of such nonsense. I surveyed our roof, its mottled paint drops seeming to be a particularly bumpy carpet; our fan rising from it like a blossoming stalagmite. I tilted my head down, sudden realization spurring me forward. To my disappointment, I still had a shadow, though it was muted thanks to my being above our light source.

Next, I focused on Hannah, relishing how it looked like she was asleep on our ceiling, her hair matted down to her frame. It would be absolutely priceless were she to wake up, seeing me above her yet powerless to do anything about it.

But, she slept on, blissfully ignorant of the tarantula feet above her dozing form. It wasn’t worth waking her up to take a few years off of her life, though if she really was responsible for the paint incident, I more than owed her such. But no, I had better things to do. I made my way across our ceiling, my legs moving with instinctive grace to keep me anchored to the ceiling.

I had my fun exploring our ceiling, though some things were certainly dustier than I’d thought, namely our fan. I guess we didn’t turn it on that often, but still, it was embarrassing just how covered in filth each blade was. I’d have to clean it. Eventually.

Bored with that, I turned my attention to the screen, finding the credits were almost over. That was certainly odd, watching them move upside-down as I craned my head upward. It was almost like going to a planetarium, only the screen I was looking at was flat. Lucky I had extra eyes to make it seem wider.

I settled in contentedly, waiting for the jump scare after the credits to catch people who’d dozed off in the theater. Wait. I glanced down to Hannah, worry filling my mind. If she were to wake up to that and find me right above her, she might have something close to a heart attack. That was definitely the last thing I wanted to have happen.

Quickly, I concentrated on all of my claws, a caring instinct temporarily overriding my common sense. Just like that, I was airborne, ground-bound. All of my eyes widened. Just what the hell was I thinking? It looked like I was stories above our couch! What if I bounced? What if I missed?

No. Now wasn’t the time for such idle concerns. Feeling the air rush along my furry body, I twitched my legs, rotating my body. Cats weren’t the only creatures that were able to land on all four—eights. I slapped onto the couch beside Hannah, quickly digging my claws into the fabric to keep myself from bouncing off. Right on time, too, because the screen flashed and the air rumbled as the main character screamed in fear.

I turned up, seeing Hannah was stirring. That was it? I risked my life for that? I sagged slightly, then moved back to my original position,

Hannah yawned, stretching her arms. I looked up at her as she smacked her lips tiredly. Hannah then stood, rubbing her eyes tiredly as another yawn erupted from her form. In my deafened state, it looked like she was roaring to the sky, and I shivered with laughter at the thought

Then, she looked down to me, careful to enunciate each word clearly. “‘M not sure where you’ll be spending tonight.” She muttered, looking down at me.

What did she mean by that? I’d be spending the night in my own bed, right? I waved my legs to try and get her attention as she walked into my room. She came back out a little bit later with one of my towels and a throw pillow.

I crawled over to the Ouija Board to try and spell something for her, but she had her back to me, already setting something up. I tapped at the board, and she just called something over her shoulder. Great, I really should have remembered she wasn’t a night person.

A moment later, she had her hands on her hips, nodding happily. She walked back to me, scooping me up in her hands.

I braced myself for the onrush of air as she stood, and peeked up above her fingers to see she’d made a little padded bed for me. That was nice, but I’d probably be comfier elsewhere... She gingerly laid me down on the pillow, and I settled in without a moment’s delay.

Come to think of it, this was nice. This was really nice. I scurried around the pillow, quickly finding a particularly soft spot. I nestled into it, curling my legs under me to get closer to the cushion.

“You okay?” Hannah ran her fingers along my back, and I nodded happily. “‘Night, Joan. Hannah yawned, flicking the lights off.

Almost immediately, my body felt sluggish, tired. Huh, so maybe getting sleepy was based on light... I cuddled in a little closer towards the pillow, already dreaming of mice and happy petting.



The next morning I awoke to sunlight, finding I was alone in the house. Did Hannah leave? No, she didn’t have plans, and her keys were still on the rack. She was in the house somewhere, and I had a burning desire to be pet.

I decided to make my way across the countertop, skittering across its surface with ease. Hannah wasn’t in the kitchen, which meant she’d be in her computer room. Sure enough, the blonde was idly browsing through different web pages. I paused at the doorway, a devilish idea entering my mind. I wonder how she’d react to me giving her a scare...

I placed my claws on the wall, skittering my way up the surface. Andrew Garfield be damned, there was nothing quite like feeling that six of your limbs were firmly anchored on an impossible surface, even when your other two were already seeking purchase.

It was like mountain climbing, and though I had no protective gear, I couldn’t feel safer. That was the best part—a confidence in my new form that went well past arrogance. And why shouldn’t I be arrogant? I was on the wall, on the ceiling!

I looked down to find Hannah still had no idea I was there. Perfect. I continued along the ceiling until I was behind her. Her swiveling chair was a slightly more taxing climb, but soon enough, I made it to the back of her chair without too much difficulty. Then, I ran one of my claws along the back of her neck.

I don’t know what I expected, but it probably should have been the obvious. Hannah screamed, knocking me off of her shoulder and standing in a huff. I felt the air rush around me, and I managed to turn and land on all eight of my feet. Then, my back pair of eyes caught sight of the chair making its way toward me, tipped over by Hannah’s swift retreat. Suddenly, I saw the disadvantage of not being able to blink, and I watched the plastic backing fall square on me.

Too late, I realized I could simply run from the chair, but it wasn’t enough. I shut my eyes and screamed loudly, flailing my arms and legs, trying to run. All I was able to do was kick at smooth cotton, and with a thrill of horror I realized that I couldn’t feel half of my limbs.

Then I realized that I had screamed, had my eyes shut. I slowly opened them. My nude chest greeted my sight first, then my arms and legs as I sat up, looking around myself. It was odd how I could see so much less, though everything my gaze swept across was clearer.

“Jesus Christ!” Hannah ran into the room, her eyes wide. She broke into a smile, tackling me with a tight embrace. “You’re human again!”

“Y-yeah!” I nodded, returning her hug.

“Now you won’t need to eat like a gross spider anymore!” Hannah exclaimed.

THAT was what she was worried about? “Well, we have a blender and smoothie straws.” I grinned.

Hannah pouted, and I poked her forehead.

“But none of that for today.” I laughed as she swatted my hand away. “You know, being a spider isn’t that bad. It’s definitely something I’d recommend you try, being pet is amazing.” I stressed the last word, a wistful look on my face.

“Mm.” Hannah nodded, noting my absent gaze. “Honestly though, I’d much rather be a horse.” I arched my eyebrows, and she pouted. “What?” Hannah asked, suddenly defensive. “I think it’d be nice to be ridden. Plus, I could still be pet, and there’s the added bonus of being able to run free across the plains.” She spaced, out a wistful look on her face.

I sighed. “Well, we’ll each try spending a weekend as a cat, and if you feel the same way, I’ll consider it.”

Hannah frowned at me. “What do you mean?” She asked.

“Well, I have that wildcard, right? You... kind of took care of me as a tarantula.” I glossed over my untimely ‘death’.

Hannah laughed nervously, picking up on my meaning immediately.

“But I’d better be one damned pampered cat.” I held up a cautioning finger.

Hannah laughed, hugging me tightly. “Call it a date.”