Letters To A Natalist World: I Don’t Want Children Because I Don’t Want Children

October 26, 2013

Dear Natalist World,

I don’t want children… because I don’t want children. It’s as simple as that, and yet you don’t quite seem to get it. You always try to find some kind of loophole, some kind of circumstance that would change things. A childfree person can’t say that they don’t want children without someone asking “why not?” and then proceeding to ask “what if that was not a factor?” You seem to, for reasons I can not even begin to imagine without a degree in psychology, desperately wish to imagine some alternate universe in which I am not exactly who and what I am, but am instead more like… you. You want to imagine that I want what you want or may already have, kids, but feel that I can not go through with having them because of some circumstance that gets in the way.

But that’s just not so.

Sure, childcare costs are expensive. It can be more than people pay in rent month to month. What a waste! But even if reliable and safe childcare cost me absolutely nothing, I still would not want children.

And yes, it costs over $200,000 to raise a child to 18. That’s a lot of money to throw away. You could buy a decent house for that price. But even if everything a child would need is was free, even if I was actually paid for having a child, I still would not want children.

It’s true that having children interferes with work. It hurts your career in the short and long term. As it should, in a fair world. What else can you expect to happen when you take time away from actually doing work? But even if there would be no impact on my career, I still would not want children.

Likewise, having children interferes with bettering oneself through education. See previous comments about work. Taking time away from school has a high price. But even if there would be no impact on my education, I still would not want children.

It’s a sad fact that children misbehave, sometimes criminally so. Sometimes they have behavior disorders, sometimes they’re just brats. But even if I could be guaranteed a perfect angel, I still would not want children.

The reality is that parenthood is not a fairy-tale filled with Kodak moments. It’s nasty business. There are gross bodily functions, dangers, bitter fights, sleepless nights, tantrums, and regrets. It’s not always pretty. But even if the life of parenthood really was all sunshine, rainbows, kisses, hugs, “I love your”s, and macaroni art, I still would not want children.

To my horror, the world population is over 7 billion. That’s far too many humans for one small planet with dwindling resources and a climate on the brink of disaster. It’s dangerous. But even if the world were not overpopulated, even if it was somehow underpopulated, I still would not want children.

I am glad that my partner does not want children. He is as much against having them as I am. I honestly would not be with him otherwise. I don’t expect this to change. But even if he did change his mind and decided that he really did want children, I still would not want children.

There are a lot of down-sides to having children. And I mean a lot. I’m inclined to say that, realistically, there is nothing but down-sides. But even if you could remove every unpleasant aspect, every negative consequence of having children, every conceivable downside, that still leaves… children.

There is absolutely nothing, and I mean nothing, about having children that appeals to me in any way. I hear people claim that there is some kind value in parenthood, in children. But I see none whatsoever. Children, to me, are their own down-side, no matter what. Parenthood, even under the best conditions, would be my own personal hell. I can no more imagine being happy as a parent than I could being happy as a prisoner. And that’s what I would be. A prisoner in my own life. What kind of life is that? No matter how well I’d adapt, as I’m told I would, and no matter how impossibly well everything turned out, I would still always be keenly aware that I’d be better off un-childed.

So please stop asking me, “would you still be childfree if-?” The answer would always be “yes.” There are many reasons not to have children. I have listed a few here today. All of those reasons are valid, to be sure. However, what makes me childfree is that I do not want children. You want to believe that it’s only things about having children, rather than the children themselves, that I don’t want. You’re wrong. I don’t want children, because I don’t want children.

Sincerely,

One Childfree Voice

Edit: Every time I read this, I find a new typo hidden somewhere. I think I got them all now.