There is perhaps nothing more painful than mourning the loss of a loved one who is still living. A loved one who is no longer recognizable. No longer the man you married. Literally.

We can never gauge the time it takes to recover from the damage of watching the man you love come out as something else: A woman.

A new awareness of the transgender experience may influence how people see traditional marriage. But how many family members have been left in emotional turmoil in the aftermath?

Estelle knew something was wrong. "Something was troubling Dave," She said, "But he wouldn't say what. I kept telling him that I couldn't help him if he wouldn't let me in. After giving him my everything, I felt that I'd failed him as a wife and as a woman. I stopped asking questions. I stopped digging for answers. We were having absurdly loud quarrels over utter nonsense".

"One summer evening, I came home earlier than usual. I ventured up the stairs to our bedroom, opened the door, and there was Dave dressed in one of my cocktail dresses, pearls around his neck, 6-inch heels jammed on his feet, my lipstick across his lips."

"I filed for divorce."

"This was a stranger with whom I'd been more intimate with than anyone in the world. Certain painful memories from our marriage made a lot more sense in retrospect. I was suddenly free of the feeling of having failed him, but this relieved nothing."

Estelle was reluctant to leave in her pain, yet it was clear that she needed to opt out, and fast. She took a deep breath, swallowed the hard -clamp around her heart and embraced her recovery.

"I had every reason to believe we would be together for life. It was an especially agonizing puzzle when we began to grow distant with each other."

Loss is no light matter, no matter the cause. With his transition came a flood of emotions his wife had likely never experienced. Often emotions we can't even name, let alone compartmentalize. There's confusion, humiliation and anger - but experienced in a context that is totally new.

Many transgender people are unafraid to be honest with their spouses, and will go all out to plan a holistic departure. To those in the transgender community who hide in secret, please, find the courage to communicate with your partner. It is very important to realize that even though you may find yourself trapped by shame, you risk laying a dirty foot print firmly on your own identity by letting your relationships fall apart due to fear.

For many people who identify as transgender, lesbian or gay, hiding your identity or orientation will make discrimination all the much easier. The danger of being publically transgender is severe - it has cost many their lives. But with increased awareness comes increased understanding. Take that leap with others who support you and stand with dignity. Those who love you deserve the truth, and you deserve the freedom to be yourself.

"For me, it was never a question of whether or not I was transgender. It was a question of what I'd be able to handle transitioning and having to do it in the public eye. One of the issues that was hard for me to overcome was the fear of that." --Chaz Bono



I would like to recognize the loss of Alexis Arquette, famed transgender activist, actress, and sister to Rosanna, Patricia, David, and Richmond Arquette. May she rest in peace.

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Suzannah's work is about giving individuals (like you!) dynamic insight into what agonizes them most and offering breakthrough solutions. She offers instant, real-time solutions to what troubles her clients -- all delivered with a large shot of compassion. Schedule an Appointment Today.

Suzannah Galland is an internationally acclaimed life advisor and influencer for mindful living. Suzannah contributes invaluable Quick Insights to the Huffington Post blog, and writes regularly for Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop.com and Spread the Light for KORA Organics by Miranda Kerr. She has been featured on Harper's Bazaar, USA Today, Vogue, Los Angeles Magazine, Glamour, and Marie Claire U.K. Visit her website or follow her on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, and Instagram for more Insights to Keep You in The Know.