I've seen Frozen on Broadway 8 times! Here's why ... and why you shouldn't judge me

Ilana Keller | Asbury Park Press

Show Caption Hide Caption Broadway Barks brings out stars to help homeless pets 20th annual Broadway Barks was held July 14, 2018, at Manhattan's Shubert Alley. Scores of Broadway stars came out to help homeless pets find families

It's not said in an expletive-filled manner. It's not said angrily.

Granted, there's often a bit of condescension in there. A judgmental lilt. Maybe a tinge of holier-than-thouness. It's not vicious. But nonetheless, it's an attack.

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And as I scheduled my weekend and shared my plans, I prepared for it.

And just like clockwork, it arrived.

"Why are you going there AGAIN?"

For me, the "there" was the Broadway musical "Frozen." Last weekend was my eighth time seeing the show.

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But I'm far from the only one who gets asked this baffling question, whether it's a "going there" or "doing that" or "reading that" or "listening to that," particularly when the "there" or "that" is not up to snuff in the asker's eyes. And especially with that "AGAIN."

Why people think they have a green light to judge something someone else loves or their participation in it, I don't know. My personal credo: If It's not hurting anyone, you don't have the right to make someone feel bad or defensive about the things they love.

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Do I think that anyone who poses the question has bad intentions? No. But I think maybe they need to take another look at the way that this question is posed and its implications.

Particularly in theater, shows and songs can have very personal meanings to people. And when you question that, you very well may be invalidating those connections.

When I'm asked this question about "Frozen" (and I've been asked it a lot, so if you're reading this thinking "is this about me," the answer is yes and no), I usually respond, "Because it makes me smile." Heaven knows some days it seems there's not an awful lot to smile about.

But what I generally don't respond with is the following:

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My sister got married at the end of 2011. While certainly a happy occasion, it also meant she wasn't across the room anymore. For the first time, I went weeks without seeing her face-to-face. We'd always been super-close, and that was a very hard adjustment for me.

Then, my brother passed away at age 29 in early 2012. Six weeks later, my father was diagnosed with cancer.

Those were three seismic shifts in my family dynamics and the life I had always known, had always counted on. The following years largely seemed a black hole of grief, fear, anger, worry, guilt, tests, treatments and sadness. I've battled depression and what I now know is OCD for a long time, and as the monsters in your head are like to do, they come out full blast in times like these. I was moving through life, but those dark clouds were ever-present.

A little movie called "Frozen" came along toward the end of 2013.

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Now, don't worry — I'm not about to throw out platitudes of it "saving my life" or magically "curing" depression.

But I was excited to see it, as a big lover of Disney and it being chock-full of Broadway folks like Idina Menzel, Josh Gad, Santino Fontana and Jonathan Groff.

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And it didn't disappoint — in fact, it resonated with me in a way I truly wasn't expecting.

I found a tale of family, celebrating sisters. Reminding me of the connection I would always share with my sister. Reminding me it's OK to falter, that family is an unbreakable bond. Reminding me of the power of love. All amid a blue, glittering backdrop and incredible music by Robert Lopez and Kristen Anderson-Lopez. I fell for it. Hard. And it's held a special place in my heart ever since.

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Fast-forward to the Broadway musical, which now has given me even more reason to love "Frozen." The sparkling sets and costumes, the richness of the new music, the atmosphere, seeing so many kids sparked to a love of theater at every performance — and most of all, the heart of the cast, bar none incredible both on and off stage.

The amount of outreach and giving back done both as a group and individually is staggering, as it often is in the theater community. And the fan interaction that I've witnessed is striking. In particular, seeing Patti Murin, who plays Anna, share her struggles with anxiety in such an open way on social media, and seeing the impact it has had on thousands upon thousands of people, many of them young, is indescribable. I have no doubt her words of acceptance and validation will continue to boost lives for a long time to come: "Just remember that you’re not alone, your feelings are real, and this is not your fault. Even Disney princesses are terrified sometimes."

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So those, my friends, are the reasons I'm going to see "Frozen" AGAIN.

Because it has a great deal of meaning to me, particularly as my dad's cancer battle has re-emerged of late. Because I love it. Because it offers up this hope and positivity to audiences: "Goodbye to dark and fear, let's fill this world with light and love." And, yes, because it makes me smile. Never underestimate the power of theater.

I hope it's clear why I don't usually offer up the full, personal reason when questioned. And frankly, I don't think it's something anyone should assume they have the right to know from anyone, particularly when inquired about in judgment mode.

But I offer it up here as an example of the reasons someone may be doing something AGAIN. Or why they love THAT. And it's because quite often, the things people love are the things that are most meaningful to them, for a wide array of personal, and sometimes painful, reasons. And that's never something anyone should feel judged for.

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And maybe someone doesn't have a massive personal connection to something. Maybe they just like it a lot. That's fine, too. Why shouldn't it be?

This isn't to say that there aren't questions you can ask when someone seems a little, well, obsessed with something. Something as simple as "What do you love about it?" shows your interest in a nondismissive way, and opens up a conversation.

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Unless someone is getting hurt, everyone has the right to love what they love, do what they do, read what they read, see what they see and listen to what they listen to —without judgment.

And yes, I'm seeing "Frozen" AGAIN. In fact, next trip I'm bringing my sister.

Ilana Keller: Twitter: @ilanakeller; 732-643-4260; ikeller@gannettnj.com