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Jose Mourinho has the film star looks

Chelsea –The Untouchables

Jose Mourinho’s boys think they own the place but they’ve got a winning formula.

Manchester City – Almost Famous

It looks like everyone’s favourite Manchester club will be the bridesmaids this time around.


Arsenal – Groundhog Day

They’ll finish fourth and probably win the FA Cup.

Manchester United – The Hangover Part 2

Louis van Gaal is doing no better than David Moyes at replacing Sir Alex Ferguson.

Liverpool – The Nightmare Before Christmas

Post Luis Suarez, the Reds are finally back on track.

Southampton – The Departed

Everyone left in the summer but this has been no horror film.

Manchester United are having another comical season

Tottenham Hotspur – Citizen Kane



With no sign of Sally it’s all about Harry.

Swansea City – Bulletproof Monk

Many thought Garry would be the first boss to go but the young gaffer is still going strong.

Stoke City – Inglorious Basterds

Mot much glory here and Stoke are, well, still Stoke.

West Ham – Out of Africa

Alex Song retired and Diafra Sakho pulled a sickie to escape the Cup of Nations.

Newcastle United – An Inconvenient Truth

The Toon Army wanted Alan Pardew out. He left. They are still crap.

Crystal Palace – The Return of the King

The silver haired wizard has made quite a big impression on his return to Selhurst Park.

West Brom – The Great Escape

Things looked pretty bad under Alan Irvine but Tony Pulis has got the Baggies digging their way out.

Everton – EuroTrip

Like this dull teen movie the Toffees’ season has had few laughs.

Steve Bruce is doing great work at Hull City

Hull City – The Elephant Man

Steve Bruce is still in charge.

Sunderland – Mr Turner

With 14 stalemates already this term the Black Cats have been doing plenty of drawing.

Aston Villa – Titanic

There is no evidence Paul Lambert painted Christian Benteke like one of his French girls but Villa fans have that sinking feeling.

QPR – Downfall

An aging dictator fell on his sword and limped off towards the operating table.

Burnley – Fight Club

The first rule about Burnley is you don’t talk about Burnley.

Leicester – Gravity

At the King Power no one can hear you scream.