Tom Cruise used to be very vocal about Scientology, but now there’s silence. He once boasted running 17MPH, but there’s not even a verifiable record of that. And what about psychic abilities, telekinesis and super intelligence? But undoubtedly he has super powers because otherwise the whole Scientology thing is a fraud, right? And unquestionably Tom has enough integrity to apologize if he was promoting something that wasn’t true, right? But why does he take so long in giving us the verifiable evidence?

If I were able to meet Tom Cruise, it would go something like this:

(Note: Must be a Jesus Christ Superstar fan to fully appreciate this.)

Tom, I am overjoyed to meet you face to face.

You've been getting quite a name all around the place.

Losing Katie, jumping on Oprah's bed.

And now I understand you have powers like God,

At least, that's what you've said.

So, you are the Christ, you're the great Tom Cruise Christ.

Prove to me that you're divine; change my water into wine.

That's all you need do, then I'll know it's all true.

Come on, King of the Xenu.

Tom, you just won't believe the hit you've made around here.

You are all we talk about, the wonder of the year.

Oh what a pity if it's all a lie.

Still, I'm sure that you can rock the cynics if you tried.

So, you are the Christ, you're the great Tom Cruise Christ.

Prove to me that you're no fool; walk across my swimming pool.

If you do that for me, then I'll be happy to believe.

Come on, King of the Xenu.

I only ask what I'd ask any superstar.

What is it that you have got that puts you where you are?

I am waiting, yes I'm a captive fan.

I'm dying to be shown that you are not just any man.

So, if you are the Christ, yes the great Tom Cruise Christ

Feed my household with this bread.

You can do it on your head.

Or has something gone wrong. Tom, why do you take so long?

Oh come on, King of the Xenu.

Hey! Aren't you scared of the truth?

Mr. Wonderful Cruise?

You're a joke. You're not the Lord.

You are nothing but a fraud.

Take him away.

He's got nothing to say!

Get out you King of the,

Get out King of the,

Oh get out you King of the Xenu!

Get out of here!

Get out of here you,

Get out of my life.

So how about it Tom Cruise? Provide verifiable evidence of your super powers, or apologize to the world, especially all the people that have been scammed by your ridiculous cult. Edge of tomorrow opens soon and will likely do well. But how sad that the millions of dollars going into Tom’s pocket are used to perpetuate a fraud. Imagine how much better those dollars could be spent promoting real science in troubled communities in this country and around the globe. Demonstrate supernatural ability or apologize for stupendous stupidity. Is that too much to ask?

-James Kirk Wall

Related Links:

What Scientologists actually believe – South Park

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