What Your Favorite Composer Says About You

Gustav Mahler: You are the biggest drama queen but insist you don’t like drama

Frederic Chopin: You believe in love, but not being in love, and you play the ukulele

Ludwig van Beethoven: You probably have deep-seated anger issues but also constructive ways of dealing with them

George Gershwin: You have worn a culturally appropriative costume for Halloween, but you also probably regret it now

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart: You have OPINIONS about online quizzes and “an order” at Starbucks that’s more than three words

Edvard Grieg: You actually like winter you monster

John Cage: You have a detailed profile on an alternative lifestyle social media site that you keep actively updated

Kirby Shaw: You say that you do play an instrument, thank you, and that instrument is your voice

JS Bach: No matter what your relationship status actually is, you have a compulsion to list it as “it’s complicated”

Gustav Holst: You’re into science but not into math

Richard Wagner: You either love role-playing games or you’re anti-semitic, or both

Alexander Scriabin: You like proto-punk better than punk and you’ve learned to live with the disappointment

Giacomo Puccini: You take like four goddamn hours to eat dinner

Carl Philipp Emanuel Bach: You have father issues but no real reason to have them

Stephen Sondheim: You describe yourself as a sapiosexual but refuse to define what that means

Antonio Vivaldi: You were forced to play violin as a child, and you wrap your Christmas presents obsessively

Sergei Rachmaninoff: You believe tea is superior to coffee and cats are superior to dogs, regardless of what you drink or own

Astor Piazzolla: You set up fans to blow your hair when you take selfies, and you make food too spicy

Giuseppe Verdi: You like documentaries about heinous crimes, and, one day, you hope to own a Vespa

Pyotr Tchaikovsky: You enjoy horses and Christmas too earnestly

Andrew Lloyd Webber: Roses are your go-to romantic flower

Leonard Bernstein: For you, the skinny tie has never gone out of fashion

Franz Liszt: You think that gloves are an appropriate part of formal attire, and you’re not afraid to use them

Igor Stravinsky: You constantly play devil’s advocate in internet arguments

Richard Strauss: You pointedly pronounce his name “ree-kard strauwwss”

Antonin Dvorak: You like the idea of chess, but don’t actually play it

Thomas Tallis: You have a Master’s degree you sometimes regret getting

George Frideric Handel: You think that coordinated group dances are fun and have thought about getting a tattoo for a long time

Aaron Copland: You’re weirdly patriotic but, like, in a scrappy way