When you’re surrounded by jerks, it’s hard to keep from turning into one yourself. To stay calm in the face of someone else’s tantrum, find their “pin.”




This video from the School of Life discusses something we’ve written about before: dealing with rude people and not letting them change your own attitude and behavior. The video brings up an interesting concept from the French philosopher Emile-Auguste Chartier:

He developed a formula for calming himself and his pupils down in the face of irritating people. ‘Never say that people are evil,’ he wrote, ‘you just need to look for the pin.’ What he meant was look for the source of the agony that drives a person to behave in appalling ways. the calming thought is to imagine that they’re suffering off stage in some area we can’t see. To be mature is to learn to imagine this zone of pain in spite of the lack of much available evidence.


You don’t want to be a pushover either, of course. The idea isn’t to make excuses for someone’s bad behavior or allow them to walk all over you. The idea is to just understand that there’s likely a reason for their rude behavior, and you can use that sympathy to keep yourself from getting angry and rude, too.

You can find more detail about Chartier’s “pin” here, and watch the rest of the video above or head to the link below.

How to Remain Calm With People | The School of Life (YouTube)