"The girl is predatory in all her actions and she is sexually experienced." So said the prosecution lawyer, Robert Colover QC of the Crown Prosecution Service. He was not even the defence lawyer, but the lawyer representing us, the state. Because the 13-year-old victim had been abused before, that seemingly proved her the guilty one. Even worse, Judge Nigel Peters laid it on thick, too, semi-forgiving the man: "The girl was predatory and she was egging you on."

How familiar this is. When in doubt, the female temptress is to blame, the old Eve – or in this case, a very young one. The little vixen had led astray a 41-year-old man found to have images of child abuse and bestiality on his computer. But never mind, the indelible image of Nabokov's Lolita allows men to side with Humbert Humbert. Girls are never innocent, they are born knowing, alluring seductresses at any age, asking for it, in one way or another.

After revealing to a friend what had happened, the child endured the pain, shame and humiliation of her case being taken to court by the police, where she was traduced by the judge as well as the CPS lawyer for this "egging him on" to "perform a sex act on him". Then her abuser, Neil Wilson, walked free with a suspended sentence.

We know nothing about this girl, but we know one big thing: children are innocent. Children cannot give consent to their own abuse, below the age of 16. We can surmise what "experience" this girl may have had before, what abuse or neglect the judge and lawyers didn't bother to delve into. There have been so many cases where we know who the vulnerable children are, lacking adult affection and attention, seeking it with the only thing that makes an adult notice their existence – sex. But the idea that a 13-year-old was a "predator" and a 41-year-old man just her victim sweeps all that away.

The CPS says its lawyer's language was "inappropriate" and that "the transgressor in this case was the defendant and he bears responsibility for his criminal acts". The attorney general's office says it will be reviewing whether to refer the case to the court of appeal under its unduly lenient sentence scheme.

For the girl, the damage has been done. Yet again, the courts have added what may be worse abuse to the original crime perpetrated on her. Alison Worsley of Barnado's says that after such experiences, including those where young people have had to give evidence themselves, "many turn in on themselves and have feelings of shame and even self-loathing on top of the psychological scars inflicted by the abuser. It takes immense bravery for these young people to relive their ordeal in a court of law." It takes such bravery that many grown women don't report rape, knowing what they will be put through. In a notorious recent child prostitution case in Shropshire one victim was cross-examined for 12 days by seven defence barristers. One young person in another case tried to kill herself after a similar experience.

The home affairs select committee has called for specialist courts for such cases. Instead, Lord Judge has announced a specialist team of judges and lawyers trained to deal sensitively with children, allowing young victims of crime to record their evidence in order to avoid the trauma of appearing in court. That's an improvement.

But underlying attitudes revealed in this case lift the lid, yet again, on the depth of misogyny in this society – all the women-hating, woman-blaming, woman-fearing instincts that can reach right to the top. How easy if it were just that handful of sad misfits exposed for sending threatening rape-tweets to feminist campaigners. But it's everywhere, ready to break out of an all-too-thin carapace of what its perpetrators call "political correctness" keeping it in check.

• Polly replies below:

"Of course I don't mean all men - we all may have brothers, lovers, sons, fathers, colleagues and friends who are not women-haters at all. The point is the prevailing wind of misogyny still blowing through everything, that erupts in public with cases like this so you can see it spelled out loud and clear. It sustains women's lower pay and the objectifying of women - often very young - in the pictures of them or in the porn read by men and young boys that makes girls shave their public hair for fear of being thought disgusting for not fitting the porn imagery. Girls are bullied for their looks, called slags if they act like boys. You know, don't you, how the wind blows hard against women still.

Child are innocent - in law and in moral thinking. That doesn't mean they are all nice and good. Listen to any playground to hear the spite and bullying they inflict on one another. Nor are women nicer than men - they are often collaborators in other women's oppression. What I mean here is an institutional misogyny, a default position, underlying assumptions and prejudices that surface less often in public than they did because it's less socially acceptable than it was - ( a good thing too). But it lurks. You only have to look at the domestic violence figures - two dead women a week - to see the under-currents. No, I don't belong to the 'all men are rapists' school - but I do think society is institutionally instinctively misogynist."

• This article was amended on 7 August 2013. It originally stated that the 13-year-old girl gave evidence in court. She did not do so as the case was taken to court by the police based on witness statements. This has been corrected.