Halloween is incoming so we asked George Fox to take a look at some of the best of the worst of Halloween.

With only one week to go to Halloween, I’m sure you’ve all thought long and hard about what you’re going to dress up as come the big night. Unless you’re one of those women who pretends she’s going as something different but ALWAYS just turns up as a sexy horny devil. FUCK YOU DEVIL WOMEN. There’s a social contract. New costume or piss off!

Oh, You’re Horny AND You’ve Got Horns…… fuck you.

So to avoid the sexualisation of Halloween costumes for adults, I thought it would be far nicer, and more in keeping with the innocence of Halloween, to look at….

WORST HALLOWEEN COSTUMES FOR KIDS:

-ANGRY BIRDS BABIES/ BABY ANGRY BIRDS?

Love that game you’ve got on your i-phone? Use it at every possible opportunity to avoid having to make conversation with your unbelievable prick of a partner? Then why not show the whole neighbourhood how your communication skills are breaking down piece by piece by dressing your child up as the main character from said game. And if someone dresses their kid up as the villain from that game? GO FOR THE HIGH SCORE!

One Day I Shall Meet My Enemy On The Battlefield….

And On This Day, He Shall Know No Kindness, But Only Pain!

Face Me You Fiend, For That I May View The Guise Of True Evil!

-”LONELY GIRL WHO’S NEVER BEEN TO A PARTY” COSTUME

I don’t know why you would feel the need to buy this for your daughter. Unless you’re so aware your child is not an ALPHA, that you just have to dress them up as the most desperate human being possible. Perfect attire for that birthday party next door that she wasn’t invited to.

“Go on honey, go outside and stand silently on their front lawn and stare in at what it would be like to be normal. You can’t spend ALL day in here using cigarettes to burn the eyes out of photographs you’ve taken of animals.”

“It’s Ok, I Brought My Own Balloon…….and a knife.”

-MALE STRIPPER COSTUME

Alright, some of you may say this is just a cop outfit. But come on…. COME ON. Have you ever seen a cop dressed like that in any movie or tv show who didn’t finish his authoritative speech with a ham-fisted pun such as “You ladies are causing a public nuisance…. I’m gonna have to TAKE DOWN YOUR PARTICULARS! AAAAWWWWWW!!!!” or the slightly more poetic, “Hey, you ladies are under arrest…. TO MY DICK!” *CUE DANCE MUSIC*

It’s Just To Pay For My Night Classes….. IN FUCKING! AAAAAAWWWWWW!!!!!

-RAPISTS THROUGH THE AGES:

Clearly there are A LOT of parents out there that want their children to know what a dangerous sexual criminal looks like, in the hope of staying safe. And what better way to imbibe them with this information…. Then dressing up for Halloween as some of your favourite sexual offenders from history! If only my parents had been smart enough to employ this technique. I wouldn’t have spent so many summer days at my Uncle Steve’s during what he called, “No Pants August”.

MEDIEVAL RAPIST

1930′s RAPIST

DRACULA RAPIST

-BABY ALIEN/SPIDER/WEB/DOG POOP/CRIME AGAINST NATURE

I’m not even sure what they’re going for here? Is it a giant spider? Then why are there other spiders walking on it, and why is its torso a bizarre poo blob? And why does it have a head ON TOP of the kids head? It’s as if a giant mutant spider has swallowed whole a freakishly strong radioactive baby and then just as you think the baby is done for *SPLURG*, the baby uses its radioactive strength powers to burst its arms, legs and head OUT OF THE SPIDER FROM INSIDE. Now the baby wears its victim, as both a trophy and as a warning: ”This is my wasteland. You fuck with me, I WEAR YOU AS A DIAPER!”

“BOW TO ME. OR I WILL FEAST ON YOUR BLOOD!”

Honourable Mentions: DOG COSTUMES!!!!!!

-Post-Sexual Assault Snow White Dog:

“It’s the word of the seven of us, against just you. Who do you think the cops are gonna believe? Huh!?”

“Sure, I Felt Sleepy, But I Didn’t Think The Rest Would Join In….”

-DOG THAT NEEDED THE MONEY WHEN YOUNGER, BUT WILL REGRET POSING FOR THE PICTURES LATER IN LIFE.

“These Pictures Are Gonna Be Tasteful…. Right?

-FUCKING DINOSAUR DOG!

“The Fuck You Just Say To Me?”

Well, That’s another article done folks. I hope you all have a wonderful Halloween. And if you’re looking for me, I’ll be the person answering the front door to kids wearing this costume….

The Jazz Hands Make It Jaunty, But The Boots Mean I Can Still Chase You!