BOSTON–Mitt Romney’s decision not to undertake a third presidential campaign has “devastated” the literally tens of supporters across the country who were hoping he would run again, a longtime advisor said.

“There’s a guy in Florida who said he was definitely in for $25 if Mitt would run, and I had a couple folks in Texas who said they were seriously considering voting for him,” said Bill Christiansen, head of the organization Run Mitt Run. “I had some leads in Nevada I was working as well.”

According to Christiansen, there are “literally tens of people all across the country” who will be “heartbroken” at the news.

In a statement, Romney noted that the decision had come after a long discussion with his wife Anne and his ten or twelve sons, including Tagg, Buck, Biff, Hamm, Mutt, Bugg, Doc, Sneezy, Grumpy, and Bashful. They all supported the choice, he said.

Independent research by twissblog turned up another such supporter, a New York woman who would only give her name as “Hillary.” She said, “I think Mitt Romney would be the ideal Republican nominee in the general election.”

Experts agree that Romney’s withdrawal is a positive for the GOP, as it will free up resources for other candidates, such as money and hair products.



With his political career now behind him, Mitt Romney announced relief that he would no longer have to stand exclusively in front of large American flags.