1. Chicago Blackhawks

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 28-13-2 +39 54.4% 1

The Blackhawks are firmly ensconced at the top of our rankings. We've given them a defined role, and are reluctant to bounce them around our lineup.

Joel Quenneville should try this with Teuvo Teravainen.

2. Tampa Bay Lightning

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 27-12-4 +29 55% 4

If you knew back in September that Tyler Johnson would be the other Lightning representative at the 2015 NHL All-Star game then you should stop lying.

3. New York Islanders

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 26-12-1 +12 53.2% 2

Eight months ago, everyone would have thought Aaron Rodgers was referring to Garth Snow. Not anymore.

4. Los Angeles Kings

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 19-13-10 +7 54.7% 3

Are we sure that this man:

Meets the NHL's minimum age requirements? Because ...

Tyler Toffoli has mono? Is he ACTUALLY thirteen? — Toni McIntyre (@ToniMacAttack) January 11, 2015

You have to ask the question.

5. Nashville Predators

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 28-9-4 +32 52.4% 6

In this week's edition of Too Many Cookes, Shea Weber plays the role of Smarf.

Smarf Weber has joined Evander Kane in a select class of the most heroic defenders of broth.

6. Pittsburgh Penguins

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 25-10-6 +24 51.5% 5

Sidney Crosby got kicked in the groin Saturday night and thankfully wasn't injured.

His reaction, though, was priceless:

(Courtesy: Sportsnet)

Usually, the Penguins don't receive a swift kick in the nether regions until playoff time.

7. St. Louis Blues

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 26-13-3 +31 51% 9

The Ken Hitchcock-coached Blues have scored more than five goals in each of their past four games. Perhaps the definition of Hitchcock hockey isn't so much evolving as it is mutating in the radioactive muck. Like Blinky.

8. Winnipeg Jets

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 21-14-8 +4 51.9% 10

Everyone is happy to see the Jets succeeding. Well, everyone except Ondrej Pavelec ...

(Courtesy: Reddit)

9. Anaheim Ducks

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 27-10-6 +3 51% 7

Teemu Selanne snubbed NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman on a hug attempt during his jersey retirement ceremony Sunday. It was glorious:

(Courtesy: Reddit)

Tough to beat Bettman's Pavelec face:

10. New York Rangers

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 24-11-4 +29 50.2% 13

The Rangers' dominance of the three Californian kaiju this week was overshadowed by the fact that, really? This is a real thing?

Tanner Glass has a fan club at the game tonight? @TheBroadwayHat pic.twitter.com/8PtakKhZmr — Neil B. (@neilbode) January 11, 2015

11. Montreal Canadiens

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 26-12-3 +16 48.7% 8

If P.K. Subban isn't an All-Star, what exactly is the point?

12. Washington Capitals

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 22-11-8 +18 50.6% 11

Barry Trotz got cut when Capitals center Marcus Johansson grazed his face with his stick during a loss to the Flyers this past Thursday:

(Courtesy: CSN)

Quipped Trotz about his temporarily disfigured visage:

Trotz on his forehead cut and shiner: "HD's not doing me any favors right now." — Alex Prewitt (@alex_prewitt) January 11, 2015

Also not doing Trotz any favors: the coaching job being done by current Jack Adams front runner Peter Laviolette.

13. Detroit Red Wings

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 22-11-9 +11 54.1% 12

The Red Wings are the NHL's third-best puck possession team by score-adjusted Corsi For percentage. Now imagine what they could do with more than one bona fide top-pairing defenseman on the roster.

14. Florida Panthers

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 20-11-9 -5 52.1% 15

Among NHL goaltenders who have started at least 30 games this season, Roberto Luongo ranks third in save percentage - behind only Pekka Rinne and Carey Price. If he keeps that up, and the cats can make the playoffs, he'll be deserving of Vezina consideration.

15. San Jose Sharks

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 22-16-5 -2 51.3% 14

That Brent Burns is an All-Star defenseman is impressive. It's even more impressive that he's still more valuable playing forward.

16. Boston Bruins

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 22-15-6 +2 52.2% 18

This week Brad Marchand and Torey Krug got into a scuffle at Bruins practice when one of them (probably Marchand) made fun of the other for being short.

Marchand and Krug got into a fight at practice over a height joke So much for the "big bad Bruins" — Scott Matla (@scottmatla) January 7, 2015

Yeah, now they're just the Bad Bruins.

17. Dallas Stars

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 18-16-7 -9 51% 16

The Dallas Stars briefly shot themselves back into a playoff spot in December, but have now lost four games in a row while giving up three or more goals against in each of those contests.

18. Minnesota Wild

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 18-18-5 -10 52.4% 17

Not only has Minnesota's goaltending been putrid, but their initially-improved puck possession game has fallen off in a major way over the past six weeks:

(Courtesy: War-on-Ice)

Sadly, Wild fans have seen this film before...

19. Vancouver Canucks

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 23-14-3 +9 49.4% 19

Only seven NHL teams have been outscored by a wider margin at 5-on-5 than the Canucks have so far this season.

20. Toronto Maple Leafs

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 22-17-3 +7 44.9% 20

Randy Carlyle was fired because the Maple Leafs felt they were trending in the wrong direction. That's a polite way of putting it:

Leafs cumulative Corsi under Randy Carlyle. pic.twitter.com/uUnMt4B1a6 — Travis Yost (@TravisHeHateMe) January 6, 2015

Is that the Maple Leafs' shot differential or the television ratings for a Phil Kessel-hosted roast of Toronto Star reporter Dave Feschuk?

21. Calgary Flames

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 22-18-3 +9 44.1% 21

Johnny Hockey delivers the goods. Jiri Hudler? He delivers the pizza:

(Courtesy: reddit)

22. Ottawa Senators

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 17-16-8 -3 48.9% 23

The Senators appear to be playing a bit better since Dave Cameron took over, but they'll really take off when and if they decide to sign Todd Bertuzzi to a full NHL deal.

The fans, let us assure you, are excited:

23. Colorado Avalanche

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 18-16-8 -10 44.3% 27

Injuries and brutal shooting luck have conspired to make Nathan MacKinnon look decidedly average in the first half of his sophomore season. Until this week, that is:

(Courtesy: NHL.com)

24. Columbus Blue Jackets

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 18-19-3 -27 46% 24

The Blue Jackets have the 24th-best record in hockey and are due to miss the postseason for the 12th time in their 14 seasons. Three All-Stars, though!

25. Philadelphia Flyers

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 16-19-7 -14 48.5% 22

The Flyers will turn to journeyman goalie Rob Zepp in Steve Mason's absence. The quality of their goaltending will be unchanged.

26. Arizona Coyotes

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 16-21-4 -39 48.9% 25

Here are the five least valuable goaltenders in fantasy hockey this season (in a Yahoo league that counts wins, goals against average and save percentage):

(Courtesy: Yahoo Fantasy Hockey)

That's 1,852 out of 1,852 total players currently listed on Yahoo.

Mike Smith's contract carries a $5.66-million cap hit through 2019 ...

27. New Jersey Devils

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 15-21-8 -28 48.9% 26

Patrik Elias doesn't think he deserved to be named an NHL All-Star ...

Elias said he feels bad for players from other teams who deserve to be all-stars and aren't "because of a slug like me." — Tom Gulitti (@TGfireandice) January 11, 2015

If it makes him feel any better, he should consider it as recognition for a great career. Like when Al Pacino won his first best actor Oscar for "Scent of a Woman." Or when Martin Scorcese won his first best director Oscar for "The Departed."

28. Carolina Hurricanes

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 13-24-5 -24 51.3% 28

Eric Staal quietly has six goals in his last seven games. His recent hot streak has moved him past Justin Faulk for the Hurricanes' scoring lead!

Yeah, brutal. This is why you can't really blame Hurricanes fans for staying home ...

(Courtesy: @theScore)

29. Edmonton Oilers

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 10-24-9 -48 49.4% 29

The Oilers could have moved past the Buffalo Sabres with a victory over the Panthers on Sunday night. It didn't happen, but Connor McDavid will breathe a sigh of relief when it does.

Congrats to the Canadian juniors, except for the poor bastards who will become Edmonton Oilers. — Chris Jones (@MySecondEmpire) January 6, 2015

30. Buffalo Sabres

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 14-26-3 -66 37.4% 30

Mired in a fully-expected 1-10-1 downturn, Sabres fans should do as Tim Murray does and console themselves with dreams of Reinhart.