Illustration: Peter C. Espina/GT

"I went on a blind date. But because the girl has a younger brother, my mother refused the match immediately."



I saw this post on Chinese social network Weibo recently. The publisher was advising men not to marry a woman with a younger brother.



Being a woman with a brother and whose husband has an older sister, I was shocked by such advice and even more surprised that many people actually agree with this opinion. However, as I read their explanations, I slowly came to understand their worries.



What concerns them the most is that the younger brother, and possibly his family, would become a burden to the sister's husband after the marriage.



They argue that most families with a male as the second child have a preference for boys over girls; otherwise, they would not have another child after their daughter.



As a result, they believe that the sister is always made to help take care of her brother, who is often spoiled. So even after the sister marries, she will keep helping her little brother. "Such families often ask for more betrothal gifts just to enrich the brother's when he marries," wrote another internet user.



They are not entirely wrong because a preference for boys does exist in China, even in some big cities.



For some people, the men carry the family line after marriage, while the women belong to their husband's family.



The traditional mindset that the older child should always make allowances for the younger one has made big sisters much less favored as ideal wives. I have also read news about how some girls were not properly educated because their families could not afford to send both children to school.



That post reminded me of what a girlfriend once said about "marriage advice" to women.



She told me never to marry a man with a brother because the wives of the two brothers are not likely to get along, never marry a man who is an only child because he would be spoiled, and never marry a man with a sister because a sister-in-law would be troublesome.



"When two people are in a relationship, it is only a thing between the two people, but when the two get married, it becomes a thing between two families." This is what my high school teacher told me, but I did not truly understand it until I got married.



Happiness, headaches, and fights exist in every family regardless of the family members, and those who want to avoid this are only afraid of taking responsibility.



Most of us are only children who grew up being the center of attention.



As a result, we still wish to be the king or queen in our marriage.



Therefore what others can give us, instead of what we can do for our partner is what many people think about.



Equality between males and females is another important concept that many Chinese need to accept.



This article was published on the Global Times Metropolitan section Two Cents page, a space for reader submissions, including opinion, humor and satire. The ideas expressed are those of the author alone, and do not represent the position of the Global Times.









