I head over to Piggly Wiggly, where I grab the stuff I need, then to the checkout, where I'm stuck behind a woman who doesn't understand why she can't use a coupon for a different brand of soup than the one printed on the coupon. While she hashes it out with the 15-year-old cashier who looks like she's ready to just give her the can of soup to get her to shut up, I look at the magazine rack. Funny, there's never a Scientific American on the rack near the cash register. But wait! There, at the top, is a selection of small books - hefty pamphlets, really - on astrology, cookie recipes, and ...huh? The Complete Idiot's Guide to Medical Care for the Uninsured ??

I shit you not. The American Media digest version of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Medical Care for the Uninsured. I pick it up. It actually doesn't look too bad, although it appears to be mostly a list of who to beg for free health care in your state, and hints like "..offer a doctor $100 or so in cash to see you for a check-up."

Really.

Well, the soup lady has finally decided to buy the soup without the coupon, so I'm up. "Do you want the chicken in a separate bag?" the cashier asks.

"No, just throw it in with rest of the stuff," I mumble. Hey, can't she see I'm reading? So now I need to decide. Should I buy the book? I have insurance, but the book is fascinating in a "we really live in a fucked-up society" kind of way.

I check the price. $2.95 in the U.S. Not bad for a complete health plan, and maybe I can get a DKos diary out of it. I put it on the conveyor belt and the cashier rings it up. "Do you want a separate bag for the book?", she asks.

Separate bag? What the hell is with the separate bags? If everything is in a separate bag, doesn't that defeat the purpose of the bags? "No," I answer, although I want to add "Just place it under the chicken to help soak up the Salmonella."

By the way, the book costs $3.95 in Canada. Or it would cost that, if anyone in Canada had any use for a book about getting medical care when you're uninsured, which I guess they don't since they have universal health insurance. Who are the idiots?

The fettucine was good. After dinner, I sat down with my new book. To be fair, the authors are quite earnest and even somewhat helpful in trying to offer good advice for people in need. They explain COBRA and Medicaid, they offer advice on when to go to an emergency room. They include lists of all the state medical and dental societies that might be willing to dole out some free care.

But there, on page 61, was this wonderful advice for the uninsured:

Do Your Best to Avoid Accidents

In other words, Don't Get Sick.

You know the rest.