We live in a culture that likes to do everything as fast as humanly (or robotically) possible. You know this – you're sat there with more than 20 tabs open, listening to a pop up advert trying to sell you sex in one ear and a Taylor Swift song in another. Your boss wants you to do more, quicker, because why shouldn't you? You've got the internet, right? Fucking hurry up.

As slaves to increasingly unattainable productivity targets, our free time is becoming all the more valuable. This means that tech companies are looking for innovative ways to afford you more time in the day just "doing your thing". Not all of these inventions are bad – see microwaves. But MODA, the "world's first digital make-up artist" and its accompanying promo video, is an insight into a world so rancidly futuristic that it makes me wish the Millennium Bug had just finished us all off before we had the chance to get pretty good at computers.

MODA, designed by Swedish company Foreo, lets you "choose the latest red carpet looks" on your phone, send the design to the system, then put your head in an enormous box that "puts your face on", in a slightly similar way to how car washes work, just sticking stuff on, not taking it off. Now I don't know, but I'm pretty sure that you can't get perfectly applied lipstick from sticking your face in a box. What if I sneeze? What if it's just impossible?

I used to date someone who spent hours putting make-up on me. The relationship didn't last long but was definitely defined by the ceremony of make-up. I dread to think what it would have been like if she'd said in a monotone, not even looking up from a magazine, "go and stand over there and put your face in that box for 30 seconds. Thank you." While MODA may appeal to some millennials (does it?) the promo video will make anyone want to rip their own face off. Let me talk you through it.