10 Really Obnoxious things to Say Before you Fart

I’m going to be a father soon and I am keenly aware of the many responsibilities that entails, including enriching the life of my son or daughter. Striving every day to make certain they have a better quality of life than I did, while at the same time being careful not to raise them with a sense of entitlement. That’s why “Pull My Finger” is simply not good enough for my child. I can’t raise my child in a world where their only option for the easy fart joke is to pull on a finger. What kind of a Dad would I be if I didn’t at least try several options and allow them to choose for themselves which one they would like to carry on to their children?

Besides, they catch on to “Pull my Finger” awfully quickly. So instead of relying on participation, I intend to give a few of these a whirl. Try one of these at home, preferably in front of company.

1. “Release the Kraken!!”

2. “This one is for the ladies”

3. “Sound the Horn of Helm Hammerhand!”

4. “It was Colonel Mustard, in the Lounge, with the…”

5. ” I warned you, Pharaoh…NOW you will let my people go!”

6.”Cannons to left of me…Cannons to the right

7. “Warp Speed…Engage”

8. “Listen…do you smell something?”

9.” I find your lack of faith disturbing” (Make the gesture here, it will really sell it)

10.”Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, from Hannah Alberta, NICKLEBACK!!!”