This week, Microsoft tried to connect with college-age kids, and it did not go over particularly well.

An after-party invite sent out to interns in San Francisco tried its best to be cool, like fresh straight from the fridge daddy-o cool. The end result was predictable.

My roommate received this email from a Microsoft recruiter today. pic.twitter.com/90Qwr78eGO — Patrick Burtchaell (@pburtchaell) July 6, 2016

For those of you who haven't yet been completely infantilized by the modern-day Neverland that is Silicon Valley, and thus may be confused by the above email's apparent use of English, fear not. Your humble Reg hack has managed to decode the document and provide this handy translation:

Hey Bae intern <3

Greetings, young person who possibly lives in a box.

Hi, I am Kim, a Microsoft university recruiter

Hello, again, I am Kim, formerly a Microsoft university recruiter.

My crew is coming down from our HQ in Seattle and would like to hang with you and the crowd of Bay Area interns at Internapalooza on 7/11

We will be in town next week. Cancel your other plans.

But more importantly we're throwing an exclusive after party the night of the event at our San Francisco office and you're invited.

You'll be working that night.

There will be hella noms, lots of dranks, the best beats

We will feed you and get you drunk, though, while popular music with a strong electronic rhythm plays deafeningly all around you.

and just like last year, we're breaking out the Yammer beer pong table

You'll be spending time with the kind of people who still think beer pong and Yammer are worthwhile distractions from the mountains of student debt you'll be paying off for years.

Hell yes to getting lit on a Monday night!

We approve of work-night alcohol consumption: we will be singlehandedly responsible for a 500 per cent jump in Starbucks soy latte sales Tuesday morning.

A Microsoft spokesperson confirmed the invite is real, and is not made up for laughs:

The email was poorly worded and not in keeping with our values as a company. We are looking into how this occurred and will take appropriate steps to address it.

Well, that certainly needs no further explanation. ®