This new pope Francis dude is amazing! I mean the liberal agnostic/atheist in me is as hard as a priest at a Sunday School mixer over these new, more tolerant attitudes he’s been spewing forth. Unfortunately, it’s nothing more than a forced business decision for organized religion. It’s like giving the fast food chain SUBWAY credit for not putting yoga mat material in their bread anymore. They fucking HAD to do it. It doesn’t count as some wonderful, positive change from a mysterious internal catalyst. Just like corporations and politicians, religions will eventually back pedal and reverse even their most fundamental core beliefs and prior statements that are no longer fashionable.

Religions ARE businesses. Actually, they are the best business models that ever existed. Everyone just gives you their money because you tell them to. Then, you flaunt it in their collective faces with gangster rap levels of blinged out opulence, and make them feel bad they didn’t give you more. Oh yeah, and you don’t pay taxes on it. All the while, you can tell government to basically fuck off when it comes to questions about your finances and possible boy rapes. And what service or product do you need to offer your customers in exchange for all this money? How does a nice fairy tale sound? Just like a psychic con artist, or astrological horoscopes – religions spoon feed people fictional narratives they want to be true, preying on our delusional cognitive biases with no concern for science, truth, or your best interests.

It would be analogous to going to a doctor with a slight headache that’s been nagging you for a few weeks, and having the doctor feign examining you before sending you on your way telling you : “It’s nothing to worry about”. It turns out it was a massive malignant tumor that could have been treated in time, but this doctor doesn’t give a flying fuck whether you live or die, or what the real issue might be with your headache. His practice is to tell you whatever bullshit that makes you feel comforted, so you leave his office happy and come back again. Reality can be hard. Reality is confusing and complicated. Who needs that shit? The answer is most people don’t need or want it. This is why more than 80% of the world identify with one religion or another. People demand clarity, and the truth is expendable in their relentless pursuit.

I agree with author Sam Harris in that I see Islam as uniquely more dangerous to civilization than other organized religions. But, let’s give Islam some credit as far as sticking to their guns, and not waffling around on the hateful, intolerant issues they originally put out there. I mean, when you draw a silly cartoon making fun of their Prophet – your ass is dead. Or, if you are a woman, and you have sex either before or outside of marriage, you get a choice of either a 100-lash public flogging, or a nice stoning to death. While this is obviously a terrifying set of beliefs to subscribe to, at least I know what’s in the box I’m being sold.

The Catholic Church has been ramming homophobic, misogynist propaganda down society’s gullet for hundreds of years. Why change course now? Hmmm, well all of a sudden, cash flow ain’t what it used to be. So, we are now treated to super bowl commercials, and the new and improved Pope 3000! – Now with 60% fewer of those silly fundamental aspects of the Catholic doctrine that people have been persecuting and killing each other over all these years.

Seriously, what the fuck?! He keeps releasing all these statements that are complete flip-flops to all these years of oppressive rhetoric. I mean, it’s nice to see progress and all. But, what’s the point of your religion anymore? I mean, why even bother? They should just quit the whole thing if I can’t hate gay people anymore. It’s just pathetic. The Catholic Church should sack up and get old testament on everyone’s ass, and just own their ugly, antiquated shit. In other words, Islam is Steve Buscemi, and Catholicism is Meg Ryan.

The Church has stood by it and preached it for so long, I hate to see them pussy out just for that almighty dollar.(and don’t get me started on the mind-numbing hypocrisy involved with the new Pope’s anti-capitalism rants).

Either that, or just pack that shit in, and call it a night. It was a good run, but it’s time to catch up to the rest of us and give the scientific method a whirl. You’ll find there’s way more compassion in pure science than in fear-mongering with hypocritical lies. I have a lot more respect for Steve than I do for Meg. But, if I’m being forced to get in bed with one of them, the choice is obvious.

– JA