Here are eight reasons why Michael Cohen’s congressional testimony did President Trump a whole lot more good than harm.

Watching Cohen testify Wednesday was déjà vu all over again. The Resistance and their allies in the establishment media just keep on keeping on as they assure us over and over again a smoking gun is right around the corner. Hang in there, y’all, well catch the Orange Bad Man this time, fer real!

Trump haters, most especially those in Never Trump and the media, now remind me of those cocaine monkeys who eventually starve to death because they always choose a fix over sustenance. You turn on TV and it’s all the same spectacle, and has been for three years: Blow dried anchors and pundits and their brittle female counterparts run around chirping, Yip, yip, yip, yip, yip! as they destroy themselves choosing the dopamine rush of ImpeachmentIsJustOverTheNextHill instead of the sustenance of truth or, heaven forbid, a historic summit over the fate of the Korean peninsula.

By any objective measure, Cohen’s testimony made total fools of these Resistance Cocaine Monkeys, but until that fact sunk in later in the day, watching the morons scream Aha! We got him! over and over on Twitter and on cable news Wednesday, was so, so, so… familiar; because this is all we ever hear from this crowd.

And I understand why. Now that the media’s credibility and moral authority are gone forever, CNN and the rest have to keep the bottom from falling out by holding on to the only audience they have left: the far-left base, the kooks — and that base is a gang of dope fiends and the media their dealers who know they better deliver this hour’s dose of InevitableImpeachment before the fiends go elsewhere.

Anyway….

Cohen Cleared Trump of Campaign Finance Allegations

It was always dumb to believe Trump would be impeached over a stupid campaign finance violation. The idea being that Trump not reporting his perfectly legal decision to pay hush money to a couple of blackmailing porn stars with his own money is illegal.

Well, even if this was a campaign finance violation, it would only mean a fine. But on Wednesday, Cohen testified it was not a campaign finance violation when he said the following:

COHEN: “Catch and kill” is a method that exists when you’re working with a news outlet, in this specific case it was AMI, National Enquirer, David Pecker, Dylan Howard and others; where they would contact me or Mr. Trump or someone and state that there’s a story that’s percolating out there that you may be interested in. And then what you do, is you contact that individual and you purchase the rights to that story from them. CONGRESSWOMAN: And you practiced this for the president? COHEN: I was involved in several of these “catch and kill” episodes. These “catch and kill” episodes existed between David Pecker long before I started for working him in 2007.

Let me again point out that there is absolutely nothing illegal about “catch and kill,” nor is there anything illegal about paying off blackmailers threatening to expose you with the truth or a lie — and Trump claims Stormy Daniels is lying about their one night stand, and as you will see below, Trump has been forced to use “catch and kill” to silence liars.

Therefore, the only possible campaign finance violation Trump might be guilty of is not reporting these payoffs as a campaign expense, but…

If the expense in question would have occurred if you weren’t running for office, then you do not have to report it, and…

Cohen just admitted Trump has been paying off women going back more than a decade, so none of this is a campaign finance violation. History proves he would have paid these women off had he not run for president.

Cohen Cleared Trump of Russia Collusion Allegations

To begin with, Cohen claimed Trump never believed he would win and was only using his presidential campaign as a brand-enhancing gimmick.

“He never expected to win the primary. He never expected to win the general election,” Cohen said. “The campaign – for him – was always a marketing opportunity.”

So why would a guy who didn’t think he could win go so far as to collude with the Russians … to win?

Doesn’t make sense.

Cohen also blew a giant hole in the Phony Russia Dossier by saying he had never been to Prague.

The Phony Russia Dossier pretty much falls apart with this knowledge because the dossier claims Cohen was the lynchpin to the conspiracy, the guy sent overseas to pay off those glorious hackers who got a hold of emails from Clintonista John Podesta and the Democrat National Committee.

God bless WikiLeaks for doing the job out media won’t.

Cohen Clears Trump of Allegation the President Told Him to Lie to Congress

If you recall, Buzzfeed’s face plant of fake news last month revolved around the “bombshell” Trump told Cohen to lie to Congress about the date his Trump Tower negotiations ended with Russia. More importantly, Buzzfeed also claimed Special Counsel Robert Mueller had written proof of Trump suborning this perjury.

To this day, even after Mueller released a statement saying Buzzfeed was lying, the far-left outlet refuses to retract its fake news.

On Wednesday, Cohen sunk it forever.

“I lied to Congress [about] when Mr. Trump stopped negotiating the Moscow tower project in Russia. I stated that we stopped negotiating in January of 2016. That was false,” he said. “Our negotiations continued for months later during the campaign. Mr. Trump did not directly tell me to lie to Congress. That’s not how he operates.”

What did Trump do to make Cohen believe he wanted his fixer to commit perjury? Cohen claims this directive came in the form of… Body language.

I’ll wait here until you stop laughing.

Buzzfeed says Mueller has written proof Trump told Cohen to lie. How do you get written proof of body language?

Even so, in the sunshine of reality, Cohen’s absurd claim makes no sense. Why would Trump want his personal attorney to lie to Congress about the Moscow negotiations when his son, Donald Trump Jr., was going to tell the truth?

Cohen Cleared Trump of Knowing In Advance About the WikiLeaks Document Dump

Another crucial piece of Cohen’s testimony:

In July 2016, days before the Democratic convention, I was in Mr. Trump’s office when his secretary announced that Roger Stone was on the phone. Mr. Trump put Mr. Stone on the speakerphone. Mr. Stone told Mr. Trump that he had just gotten off the phone with Julian Assange and that Mr. Assange told Mr. Stone that, within a couple of days, there would be a massive dump of emails that would damage Hillary Clinton’s campaign.” Mr. Trump responded by stating to the effect of ‘wouldn’t that be great.’

Cohen’s testified that “days before the Democrat convention” Trump was told about the WikiLeaks release.

The Democrat convention was held between July 25 and July 28, 2018.

In other words, Trump was told “days before” July 25.

Ooh, damning, except…

We knew in mid-June — let me repeat, June — WikiLeaks had an email trove from the Democrat National Committee. You see, WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange bragged about having the incriminating emails on June 12.

Four days later, on June 16, at least a month prior to this notorious phone call, WikiLeaks began its release of the DNC trove.

Finally, on July 7, WikiLeaks was offering the media access of its “pending Hillary Clinton publications.”

Cohen said the purported conversation between Trump and Stone took place on July 18 or 19. Here's WikiLeaks promoting the upcoming release of Hillary-related emails on its *public Twitter account* on July 7! Idea that Stone ever had special foreknowledge is totally unsupported pic.twitter.com/FBZ1W7eA3O — Michael Tracey (@mtracey) February 27, 2019

So, according to Cohen, all that phone call proves is that Trump knew less about what was coming from WikiLeaks than those who follow WikiLeaks on Twitter.

And why would someone who is colluding with Russia not know this until late July?

Let me add, that any foreknowledge of a WikiLeaks document dump is not illegal, does not prove in any way that the Trump campaign colluded with whomever to make the hack happen.

Cohen Cleared Trump of Wife Beating Allegations

There is a nasty rumor going around about video of an elevator incident where Trump hit Melania.

Cohen said, “It doesn’t exist… I don’t believe Mr. Trump ever struck Mrs. Trump ever, I don’t believe it.”

Cohen Cleared Trump of Love Child Allegation

When asked if he was aware of Trump fathering a child out of wedlock, Cohen said, “Not to the best of my knowledge.”

This rumor stems from the Enquirer paying $15,000 to “catch and kill” a story about this love child, which bolsters Trump claim he pays hush money to blackmailing liars, which means Trump paying off Stormy Daniels cannot be used as proof she is telling the truth.

Cohen Cleared Trump of Abortion Allegation

When asked if he ever set up or knew anything about Trump arranging an abortion for a mistress, Trump’s former fixer said, “I’m not aware of that, no.”

Cohen Cleared Trump of Drug Abuse Allegation

Trump has been accused of using illegal stimulants, even the ludicrous claim he snorted Adderall on the set of The Apprentice. When asked if he knew anything about this, Cohen said, “I am not aware of that, no.”

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Meanwhile, if you cup your ear towards New York or D.C., you can hear the Resistance Cocaine Monkeys crashing… Yi, yi, yi, yi, yi — whuh?

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