A 90-year-old man with crippling arthritis, diabetes, and who is frequently confused, could be forced to return to the US to apply for a visa to live with his British wife in the UK.

Albert Dolbec has been married to his wife Dawn, 84, for 25 years, and they divided their time between the US and the UK for many years, but when their health declined three years ago they decided to locate permanently in the UK so Dawn’s family could help look after them.

Albert, however, mistakenly entered the UK on a visitor’s visa, thinking he could convert that to a spousal visa from inside the UK. For the past two and a half years, the family have been trying to persuade the Home Office that he should be allowed to rectify his mistake without returning to the US.

Albert has no home and nowhere to live in the US. His wife is too frail to travel with him and his family are convinced he would not survive the experience. It is, the family’s lawyer said, “a terrible failure of common sense”.

Dawn’s daughter, Marina Breeze, said the couple are in an “intolerable position” and their health has severely deteriorated due to the stress.

“My mother is Albert’s official carer,” she said. “Albert requires constant support from her with his personal care and medical condition. His short-term memory is diminishing and his judgment of what he is capable of is poor.”

But, Breeze added, her mother’s health is also failing. “My mother’s family – including children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren – and all her possessions are in the UK,” she said. “It is only possible for my mother to care for Albert with the considerable support of us, her family, who live nearby.”

Dawn said: “If Albert is forced to leave the UK he will have to travel alone. He finds it difficult to walk: he can’t feel his feet. He is hard of hearing and uses hearing aids. On arrival in the USA he would be homeless with nothing but a bag of clothes and a walking stick. If he returns to the US, I am extremely concerned that we would lose track of his whereabouts and not know if he was safe.

“The money Albert and I have, and which is quickly diminishing thanks to this legal battle, will not go far as we would need to run two homes instead of sharing one,” she added. “Whereas now, we are able to pay our own way in the UK, if we are separated, I would probably need to resort to applying for state benefits.”

Dawn has been married to Albert for 25 years and is now his official carer. Photograph: Alecsandra Dragoi

After two applications costing more than £6,000 in fees and solicitors’ costs, the Home Office has told Albert there are insufficient grounds for it to exercise compassion. They have put the 90-year-old on immigration bail and given him no right of appeal from inside the UK.

The Dolbecs’ lawyer, Julian Norman from Drystone Chambers, said: “Because he entered as a visitor, Mr Dolbec has to show ‘insurmountable obstacles’ to returning to the US to re-enter with proper entry clearance. This is a human rights assessment.

“There is a legitimate aim – immigration control – but is this a proportionate means of achieving it?” she asked. “In my view, on any compassionate consideration, the extreme stress caused to a 90-year-old man from leaving the country to re-apply, not knowing if he would see his wife again, is a disproportionate means of achieving the legitimate aim of immigration control.

“It seems like ‘painting by numbers’ decision-making, which has led to a terrible failure of common sense,” she added.

The family’s MP, Oliver Dowden, has been trying to work with both UK Visas and Immigration (UKVI) and the Home Office since March on the family’s behalf. In an email to Breeze, he said that he “appreciates how entirely distressing and frustrating this situation must be for yourself, and your parents”.

“We have repeatedly made Albert’s case to UKVI,” Dowden told the Guardian. “I continue to personally engage with the Home Office and am hopeful that it can be resolved so that he can stay in the UK.”

A Home Office spokesperson said: “All UK visa applications are considered on their individual merits, on the basis of the evidence available and in line with UK immigration rules.”