MALVERN, PA—Silently wondering throughout the hour-long appointment if there was anything she could be doing to enhance the experience, local woman Caitlyn Leigh reportedly worried Wednesday that she was doing a bad job enjoying the full-body massage she was receiving. “I’m pretty sure I’m not relaxed enough, and I’m definitely not unclenching my muscles all the way—jeez, I’m doing terribly at this,” the 27-year-old reportedly thought to herself as she lay facedown on the massage table, repeatedly second-guessing whether or not she was breathing too loudly while also feeling deeply self-conscious about her unshaven legs. “Maybe I should make a sighing noise to let the masseuse know she’s doing a good job, unless that would seem condescending. God, this is really stressing me out.” When asked by the massage therapist if the pressure being applied to her back felt good, Leigh reportedly nodded vigorously and said that the crushing pain she felt all down her spine was “perfect.”

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