Day 8

Modi to his cabinet: “Gentleman, I call you here today to discuss the extreme threat emanating from the north west to India. From the terror supporting nation of Hindustan. I want to ask the defense chiefs to draw up plans on how to counteract this imminent threat. All Hindustan does is act as a cesspool of the worst forms of extremism our region has seen. They have militant Hindu cults that I have never even see running amok all over their territory. Either because their state is too weak to control them or they’re military uses them as proxies in their conflicts with their neighbors.

They have an air of superiority about them where their fair skinned Pashtuns and Kashmirs and Northern Punjabis have declared themselves the true Aryans and Brahmin 2.0s and considered everyone else inferior to them.

Their treatment of minorities is abhorrent and violent Buddhist and Pharsi insurgencies rock their cities and northwest.

They have major border tensions with Afghanistan and ourselves as they sponsor violent Hindu terror groups in both countries in pursuit of strategic and ideological objectives.

Their military has deliberately maintained a state of cold war with India in order to maintain their control over Hindustani politics and their military economy.

Radical forms of Hinduism and cults run amok there, and several Hindu temples have been demolished by more radical Hindu groups themselves to build their mandirs and temples. Kali worshipers attack peaceful pilgrims and have recently demolished a temple to Hanuman to erect their own shrine over it. Violent verses are taken out of context to justify attacks on other Hindu schools of thoughts.

The Hindustani military and their militant proxy groups promote a more aggressive version of Hinduism based around the worship of Kartikeya and their goal is to establish the ancient Hindu empires in a puritanical and orthodox form over territories that stretch from Afghanistan to current day Bangladesh. They have completely distorted Hindu religious scriptures in order to justify their strategic goals and their national ideological purposes.

Their attitudes towards Indians are despicable as they consider us lower caste than themselves. And they have attacked allied states like Afghanistan and Iran in their ideological pursuit of restoring those territories to their version of Hinduism.

They are still a military autocracy, fast approaching a Fascist-corporate form of militarism combined with ethno-nationalism. Democracy is suppressed and totalitarianism runs amok with suppression of the press and independent judiciary.

Everyday, they conduct missile tests and name their missiles provocatively to challenge and threaten us (Murugan 1, Skanda 2, Kumara 3 and so on). Their nuclear capability is expanding and their arsenal is increasingly focused on India.

Their economic state is concerning and could lead to an implosion of their state at any time. They are still mired in illiteracy and malnutrition due to diversion of resources to defense and to maintain the living standards of who they define as their upper castes.

Their treatment of visiting Indians is abhorrent. Sikh businessmen and property dealers attempting to purchase property in Punjab have been attacked over fears of a “Sikhisation” of Punjab by an insecure Hindu majority there. And Indian men who have married Hindustani women have been accused of Love Jihad by Hindustani families who consider their caste above those of India. Some of these men have been murdered by the woman’s family.

There has been increased trading of fire between both our militaries at the LOC as the Hindustani proxies and intelligence agencies attempt to radicalize and gain the support of Kashmiri Pandits with their more militant form of Hinduism that promises them more elevated position is society, a reunification of Kashmir and a pitch that they are closer ethnically with Hindustani Hindus than Indian Hindus. But this is just a springboard for the Hindustani state’s attempts to wrest control of major waterways flowing into Hindustan away from India.

In short, we have no choice but to pursue a policy of isolation against Hindustan and to develop policies to contain the threat emanating from there.”

*Silence follows*

The Indian foreign minister finally speaks up: “Mr. Modi, we are on board with your plan 100%. And this was a very nice speech. I just have one question though.

Did you really think all our problems would be solved once everyone became Hindu?”