MCLEOD GANJ, INDIA—Making the momentous announcement before gathered laity and priests from the Tibetan Buddhist community, Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama, revealed Monday that before reincarnating his spirit would fly to the moon so he can hang out there for a bit. “After my passing, I plan for my essence to shoot through space up to the moon, where I’ll just relax and spend a while exploring the lunar surface,” said His Holiness, noting that he had been so busy contemplating suffering and addressing the needs of the Tibetan people that he had forgotten to carve out time for himself, and that it would be nice to take a little breather by meditating in the Sea of Tranquility before diving back into things on Earth, refreshed and renewed. “I’ll return to you after a week or two up there, of course, but I’ve been reading a lot of books about the moon and this seems like a great opportunity to see it up close. I’m most excited to just jump really high in the air, leaping from crater to crater. Who knows? Perhaps I’ll get that old lunar roving vehicle running again and cruise around.” At press time, the Dalai Lama added that, depending on how things went, his spirit may also spend a few days at the bottom of the ocean searching for “those weird-ass-looking fish.”

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