Gratefully, I do not hold grudges. One might attribute this to good fortune, or to my father’s , but actually it is a result of committed and conscious work that, over time, has become natural behavior. I made a decision long ago to let go of the distress and hurt that seemingly nurtured my ego. Of course, depending on the infraction, my determined ego found comfort in staying connected to my wounded soul. Years have helped me to react otherwise, for when I detach from the initial onslaught of negativity and , I am so much better off, so much more serene.

Initially, I found it challenging to forgive. As a newlywed, I entered our with the ability to harbor frustrations and resentments carried from one day to the next. My equally young husband did not. When we were upset at each other and said we were sorry, he meant it. I often did not. I went off to the inner confines of my mind to encourage my simmering anger. “What’s the matter?” he would ask and of course my response was, “Nothing,” uttered with a tone of voice that clearly contradicted my short reply. I was incredulous in wondering how he could feel fine when I was so upset. While he went peacefully about his day, internally I was confused and irritated.

I soon realized that was even more for the one who harbored anger than it was for the receiver. My husband truly had the ability to let go, yet I relished in the inner turmoil of my continual remembrance of our verbal exchanges. My sustained fury often became more devastating than the initial infraction. And, quite frankly, I often forgot why I was so upset in the first place. In our early years together, he continued to show me that he could let go of our arguments, so I began to learn from him, slowly at first.

Once I took my ego out of the equation, I transformed. If I argued because I knew I was right, yet he still disagreed, why did I have to prove my point with my voice increasing an octave, my arms flailing, and my heart rate increasing? For the longest time, it was irrationally more essential for my ego to be correct than to feel at peace. But then a realization hit; it was more important to be content rather than correct. If I do not forgive those around me, then I am continuing to condone the uncomfortable and sad feelings within myself, which then slowly limits my own joyful days. My life becomes richer and more enjoyable, certainly, when I can let go of my fury. What began as a decision not to hold grudges and to let go and forgive was initially contrary to my feelings. Little by little, I freed myself of the constraints that harboring uncomfortable feelings always cause.

Source: Barbara Jaffe/Blogger

Today, I easily forgive, and while sometimes it takes time to forget, I do not embrace resentments. I have been the hardest on myself, though. But, I have come to see that punishing myself for the past both disrespects and limits my growth. Yes, I have made mistakes, but I must move on and learn to let go, and while I can look back, I do not stare.

I forgive my younger self for

Spending so much time trying to be perfect

Worrying so much about what others thought

Demanding a perfect body, which never existed

Losing patience with my loved ones instead of accepting them as they are

Obsessing with grading student essays when I could have replenished my soul with a nap or a delicious book

Trying to be nice to people who weren’t nice in return

Not permitting myself more cheesecake and fries

Allowing my fears to make so many of my decisions

Today, I take a deep breath and remind myself that I am a work in progress. I forgive myself often so that I can continue to forgive others.