It was a Monday, the sun was shining brightly and I was rocking a confident strut as I entered the office.

My internal dialogue was singing the song of the motivation and positivity I needed. I’d given my credit card an almighty whack the day before and the retail therapy I’d so heavily indulged in was serving up its post-guilt goodness — I was still on the shopping high.

My body was draped in one of my new glamorous frocks — a black silk number with an asymmetric hemline and a giant kimono waist wrap I’d tied carefully into place that morning. I passed an ex-colleague and we stopped for some small talk before hitting the lifts.

I could tell that he was admiring my dress — I caught him glancing at the detail and the bow that was tied perfectly just above my navel.

And then shatterdom.

The worst line of all time... “You’re pregnant?” he inquired.

media_camera Appropriate office lift chat does not include uninvited comment on a female colleague’s possible pregnancy. (Pic: iStock)

Time stood still as people passed us in waves. I felt my skin burn the colour of crimson humiliation. This was not supposed to happen.

“I’m not pregnant,” I muttered. Awkward silence followed for a few seconds after and eventually he tried to make a recovery that only pushed him further into the sink hole. ­

“It just looked like it from that angle... it must be your dress... you’re glowing...” and on it went. Dressed to kill and then unstitched in a second.

Memo to World — you should never congratulate a woman on being pregnant unless you’re sure that she is. And even if you think you’re sure — make sure that you’re very, very, very sure before you do. Those lighthearted words of observation can very quickly and assuredly become an irreversible insult.

Recently, when a girlfriend told me about this happening to her and then after asking other friends about their experiences in the field — it became apparent that this happens to women frequently. Infuriatingly frequently.

Pregnancy is usually a joyous occasion in a woman’s life. The compliments and questions that accompany the public display of a baby bump are scripted: “How far along are you?”, “do you know what you’re having?” etc.

So imagine the humiliation a woman — one who is just a little bloated — feels when you congratulate her on a bun in her oven that doesn’t exist? You’re cooked.

media_camera If anyone understands how hurtful it can be to have someone question you on a pregnancy that doesn’t exist, you’d expect it to be Jennifer Aniston. (Pic: Getty/Jason Merritt)

I’m always very careful about congratulating any woman on a pregnancy. In my mind, it’s pretty obvious social etiquette. Aside from the obvious embarrassing consequences of getting it wrong, there are other factors that people fail to think about. ­

What if this woman has been trying desperately to fall pregnant and can’t? ­

What if she miscarried recently? ­

What if she’s single and fighting a battle of terrible dates and her biological clock at the same time? ­

What if she doesn’t want to have a baby? ­

What if she’s pregnant and wants to terminate? ­

What if she had a baby 12 months ago and still hasn’t lost the weight?

There are way too many “what ifs” involved in this equation to justify taking a stab in the dark. And if you do roll dice and completely stuff it up — it’s near impossible to redeem yourself.

So, here’s a tip for all the dream-shatterers out there — if you do “need” to know, then better to say: “Sensational dress lady. Special occasion?”

Originally published as Never ask a woman if she’s pregnant