These people suck at their job. So basically, as a bear, I assume everything can run fast as fuck. I mean, I weigh a lot and I can really haul ass when I see something I want to kill, eat, kill and eat or something scares the shit out of me. So it really took me by surprise when I finally just got fed up and hauled ass away from these assholes. Two things happened when I did this:

They ran slow as shit and gave up after 2 miles. Where’s your dedication, guys? How did you even get this job? I fell behind a rock and got knocked out. They did not see this.

When I woke up behind the rock, I heard them looking for me. They couldn’t find me. This is fucking insanity. On one hand I could get up and kill them all, but on the other I find it hilarious they haven’t checked behind this rock yet. The only downside really is that I have to just lay here not doing anything, which can get tedious. Trust me, it’s pretty much what I do all day. I mean you catch a fish, take a shit and you’ve accomplished 85% of your bucket list as a bear. I heard Grolar Bears (polar/grizzly mix, google it, pussy) have a bit more to do, but that’s because they’re the unicorns of the woods ever since Barry died.

Barry was the last Unicorn. Yes, they’re real. Or rather they were. Know what killed them? Bears.

Unicorns were also huge assholes. Sorry but that’s just a fact. Still though, outrunning a unicorn has to be more fun than hiding behind this rock.

Shit, they found me. And they’re just staring at me again. Maybe this will make them go away.

Nope, now they’re just filming me lick myself. Sick fucks.

I need to formulate a plan to get rid of these assholes, and I’m fairly sure it’s going to involve hornets. Somehow.