When you have a big pack of kids, how can you make each child feel important? This question is one I have struggled with for years and most often not resolved to my satisfaction. I’m the type of person who does a million things at once and I like having various elements to my life: my kids, husband, work, friends, family, exercise, reading, and travel. I love meeting new people and if anything, seek out new friends more than before I had kids. As examples, if there’s a Moms’ Night Out, I try to go; I frequently reach out and schedule to see friends for coffee, lunch or a gym class; and when a friend invited me last minute to a piano concert the other night, I said yes.

How do you go about spending time with your kids and how to you balance the time, if you have more than one? Comment below and enter our Weekly Wrap Up.

When the girls were born and my boys were younger, I aimed to take each child on a regular basis to do something one-on-one. I would take the baby to the park, Annaliese to her gym class, and Hedley to his piano lesson. I tried to put them to bed one by one each night with a dedicated 15 minute reading time. I once even came up with a weekly schedule where I did the same amount of activities with each child alone each week. Although I had some memorable times with the kids, these strict schedules left me feeling inadequate and stressed. Even though they had had their own special time, the kids not currently in the picture would clammer for attention, and I cried feeling like I could never fulfill everyone’s needs.

I then began to realize that I could still have quality time with the kids individually while we were together as a family by simply focusing on them and talking to them, and that I could let the one-on-one times arise naturally. So in a given week of late, for example, I might bring the girls to their soccer game, put them to bed with chatting, songs and hugs, and study with the boys. There are no mathematical calculations, I do the best I can, and the sibling rivalry over time with mommy seems to have subsided somewhat.

Across the street from our apartment in Barcelona sits a gorgeous palace which used to be the summer residence of the King of Spain. Marc had walked through the palace grounds a few times and kept encouraging me to go with the kids. After church on a recent Sunday, we headed over for a little walk. Marc snapped these pictures of Marielle, who, as you can see, loves posing. Although there was some inevitable squabbles, it was a gorgeous day and I’m glad we went as a family.

When you step back and think about it, one of the simple benefits of spending time with your children — whether that time is easy or hard, enjoyable or not — is that they know that they matter to you. I see parenting as being about doing and showing versus exclaiming and saying. Kids are very smart and can sniff out any inauthenticity. You can’t tell your child “I love you” and yet not be there when they need your help. You kind of need to be around. It isn’t always fun or easy but it’s rich and right.

Of all my kids, Marielle seems to be the one who needs me the most lately. She wants to hug me, be with me, have me braid her hair. The youngest, she seems to feel lost in the shuffle. She yells a lot seeming to want to establish her place. So she’s been one of my priorities for the year and I am hoping that she will grow more confident every day.

Tell me how you spend special time with your kids and enter our weekly Wrap Up below. Thanks for reading.

Melissa

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