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1. Can another Mulroney beat another Trudeau?

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The Sun thinks the Tories should fight dauphin with dauphinette, and make Caroline Mulroney their next leader. “She’s beautiful, fluently bilingual and well-educated,” it says. Sure, but will she play kissy-face with her husband in public, do Vogue covers and be incurably cute? THAT’S what’s important. We’re checking into it now. We also want a selfie.

2. Historic climate pact for those who feel like it

Big climate change report:

LE BOURGET, France – Nearly 200 nations adopted the first global pact to fight climate change on Saturday, calling on the world to collectively cut and then eliminate greenhouse gas pollution but imposing no sanctions on countries that don’t.

Imagine it said:

Ottawa adopted the first national pact to pay higher taxes on Saturday, calling on Canadians to send more money to support the government but imposing no sanctions if they don’t.

Think it would work?

3. Maybe it was a “progressive” fossil award

So the the glorious Liberals trek off to Paris, take enough people with them to fill several planes, do a pile of selfies and group hugs because “Canada is back,” and still manage to get themselves two “fossil” awards for offences to environmental purity. “Progressives” and activists used to go into cardiac arrest when the Tories got these things. Are there special “it’s OK it’s only the Liberals” fossil awards, that come with a special certificate attesting that the environment understands that they mean well, and forgives them?