18 April, 2017. 17:34

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has announced he is scrapping the heavily-debated 457 visa program for skilled migrants as part of a bid to tackle unemployment – and replacing it with a similar, but entirely different scheme.

“I have solved the program,” said Turnbull.

“It is no longer an issue.”

In a statement delivered to the internet just a short time ago, the PM remarked that he was “putting Australian jobs first” and “tackling unemployment head-on” in tearing up the policy.

“In one foul swoop, I’ve managed to appease the bible-thumpers and racists by scrapping the 457 visa and I’ve also got the unions pissing in my pocket. I’m a genius. All I did was turn it off and on again.”

The visa program tipped to replace the old 457 system is set to be almost exactly the same as it with a few choice modifications.

Stopping short of asking Immigration Minister Peter Dutton to speak today, Turnbull agreed that it’s pretty much business as usual, just now prospective skilled migrants “need to be a bit better at English”.

“[Peter] Dutton wanted us to include a skin pigment shade test for the new program, but we had to draw a line somewhere. Even George [Christensen] thought that was a bit crook,”

“So yeah, I guess we can put this one to bed then.”

More to come.