When it was announced earlier this year that Tonya Harding would speak at the University of Oregon’s 20th Anniversary Domestic Violence Clinic Fundraiser and Gala, there were immediate shockwaves of confusion and disbelief.

Among the comments: “U of O you can do better than this!”; and “Um. Excuse me. This is insulting to survivors.”

Despite the controversy that continues to surround Harding 25 years after the Nancy Kerrigan scandal and the 1994 Olympics, Domestic Violence Clinic Director Merle Weiner decided that Harding was the right guest speaker for the gala on March 14.

Weiner, who helped establish the clinic and has spent the last 20 years working with victims, puts it this way: “No one deserves to be a victim of domestic violence – ever.”

Weiner sees Harding as complex and resilient – a woman who still deals with the long-lasting repercussions of abuse.

The University of Oregon’s School of Law recently talked with Harding about domestic violence, and how it affected her life. The Oregonian/OregonLive is reprinting excerpts the conversation with the school’s permission.

Why share this part of your story now?

I have never truly spoken just about domestic violence. I have gone through so much in my life that it is really such a hard thing to talk about. But by doing this, I’m hoping that I can help someone else.

Why do you think it’s so hard for people to believe abuse happens – or that it happened to you?

Domestic violence happens everywhere, but a lot of times, abusers are great at hiding in plain sight. One of my exes could speak to other people and be perfectly normal – but he wasn’t. He was one way at home with me and another way with others.

People often forget that abuse isn’t just physical. It can include coercion, threats, isolation, denial, blaming, emotional abuse and even economic.

Which did you experience?

All of the above. Abuse happens in so many forms. It doesn’t matter which abuse it is – it all hurts. With physical abuse you may have broken bones and bruises, but the emotional abuse hurts just as bad as being bruised and beaten and broken. In fact, from the inside you are bruised and broken.

You’ve said in the past, that “No one ever believes you ever … for being abused.” How do you speak to women who are currently in situations where no one believes them?

The only thing I can say is “Don’t ever give up.” There will always be that one person who will listen. If you are able to – get out. Because usually the abuse – from my point of view – never goes away without help.

You have shared your experiences with your mother in other interviews. How did she abuse you?

My mother would fill up a thermos with real brandy – not flavored brandy – and drink that until she took me to the rink. The verbal abuse was constant. “You’re fat.” “You’re ugly.” “You’re never going to amount to anything.” It started at a young age and those words have stayed with me my entire life.

What were your other family members like?

My dad was my mother’s fourth or fifth husband. She had three boys and one girl from previous marriages. One died in birth – which was the twin of the one that turned out really bad. My half-brother was always in prison and doing bad stuff. But my mother still allowed him to come around.

How did you cope in this type of environment?

Skating was my biggest thing. I always tried to go to the rink. I would ride the bus or wait for my dad to get off work and then he would take me to skate. I would do anything to stay away from the house.

When you look back on that decision to follow your dream – and to stay – was it worth it?

I found out the hard way that sometimes your dream isn’t worth reaching for. At least, that’s what I felt for so, so long. Should I have let the dream go, so that I didn’t have to go through all the abuse? I had my house ransacked. I had my truck stolen and dropped off of a cliff and burned. I’ve been stalked, restrained and beaten. I’ve had my face slammed into cupboards, slammed into the floor.

Did you ever have access to, or were you ever able to afford legal services?

I couldn’t afford legal services. What I tried to do was find a close person to talk to and let them know what my plan was. That’s how I ended up with my friend’s family. So, I had somebody else that could be there to back me so I could get out. Most times, when I asked for help, people never believed me. I honestly believe that the police chose not to help me because my name was Tonya Harding.

You are a mother and a wife now. How do you create healthy norms for your family?

My son is literally God’s gift to me. I wasn’t supposed to have children because of the medication I’ve been on throughout the years and so many physical issues. With him, I just always want to make sure that I am better than anybody ever was in my life. That is what drives me to be the best mommy that I can be. And together, my husband and I are raising our son to be a happy, nice, gentle and loving little boy – so that he can grow up to be a good, loving, and gentle man.

What do you want other people to know – especially those who have never experienced domestic violence?

If you’ve never had to deal with any abuse just pay attention to the way you treat people. To you it may not be a big deal – but the way that you look at or speak to people is huge to victims. If you’ve been abused and someone looks at you wrong, then you automatically start blaming yourself and thinking, “What’s wrong with me?” or “What did I do wrong?” It’s like this for me even today.

Do you think that people will see you differently now that you have shared your story?

The one thing I want people to realize is that it took a long time for me to ask for help because I was ashamed. I felt small and belittled that I didn’t amount to anything just like my momma said I would. But if you want to succeed at just living life every day you have to take it one step at a time.

The University of Oregon’s 20th Anniversary Domestic Violence Clinic Fundraiser and Gala is at 6 p.m. on Thursday, March 14, at the Ford Alumni Center. Tickets are $25-$100, and available online through March 6.

Domestic Violence Resources:

Lane County: Lane County, Womenspace, Sexual Assault Support Services, UO Domestic Violence Clinic

Oregon: State of Oregon, Oregon Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Abuse

National: The National Domestic Violence Hotline, Domestic Shelters