Many people make a decision to quit using porn, and find they are doing well - for a period of time.

Then, quite suddenly, an experience like this might occur.

"I had three years of recovery with no real cravings or temptations to use porn. Then one night my wife was out or town and I started looking at it on the computer. I ended up masturbating to porn basically all night. My internet connection made it easier than before, and I didn't have any software to block access to it. I fell right in."

Another man tells of being preoccupied with lingerie and swimsuits advertisements during his first year of recovery.

"These are only advertisements," he said to himself. But he felt turned on and, while he didn't masturbate then, over the next week he found himself looking regularly at porn again.

Both these men were ashamed and disappointed. Although they knew that relapse was a normal part of recovery, they were not expecting it. Was this temporary? Were they heading back to using porn again?

Fortunately, they both had a good support system, which included therapy, and they sought help immediately to develop strategies that further strengthened their recovery.

What is relapse? How can you identify your risk of relapsing? How can you move away from the temptation in time so that a relapse won't occur?

A relapse can be defined as "falling back into the former problem behaviour of using porn". It is about becoming involved with porn again after experiencing problems with it and after making a commitment to stop.

There are many kinds of relapse, from minor slip-ups such as picking up a porn magazine and glancing through it for a few minutes to full-scale setbacks that involve seeking out and using porn for sexual release on a regular basis.

Relapses can serve as a wake-up call, reminding us how easy it can be, and how careful the user has to be.

However, relapses can also strengthen the compulsion to use porn. As one young man says, "I felt a bit like I had to make up for lost time".

What we know is that a person who has used porn to cope with emotional stress and pain and for sexual pleasure is particularly susceptible to wanting to use it again.

Even though there is motivation to quit, this chronic compulsion doesn't go away just because you stop using it.

The longing for porn can linger for months or even years after you stop. Like drug or alcohol users, or even cigarette smokers, porn users are susceptible to feelings, thoughts and situations they have associated with porn.

And, like alcohol or drug users, porn use changes brain chemistry and those changes take time to heal.

Will you ever stop being tempted by it? Probably not - sexual images and messages are all around us, and it is hard to imagine any society now where a person can escape such a bombardment.

Successful recovery needs a genuine motivation to recover, especially in the early stages. When the user is ambivalent about giving it up, or when they think they have it under control, they can feel too confident and let down their guard.

Let's look at the progression of a relapse.

Wendy and Larry Maltz, in their book The Porn Trap, say "going into a relapse is not like suddenly stepping in to a hole in the ground". It is a process that happens over time.

Your ultimate goal is to live and operate in a porn-free zone, but when you are here, something either external or internal can suddenly send you into trigger territory - where you are vulnerable, but haven't taken any steps yet.

External triggers can include such things as exposure to sexual material, being around sexually provocative people, or viewing pop-ups on the computer.

Internal triggers are commonly stress, loneliness, depression, anxiety, sexual frustration, drugs or alcohol.

Some people just don't realise they are there in the trigger zone. If you know your triggers, you will do better at stopping yourself from descending into level one of the relapse zone, which involves thinking about porn.

This is the time when memories surface and even brief thoughts can become so pleasurable that they are hard to shift.

When thoughts of porn go unchecked and you are hanging out for porn material, it is just a matter of time before you move into level two, and make actual contact with porn - a magazine, a DVD or site.

Not far away is level three, where porn is used as a sexual outlet, for arousal masturbation or orgasm.

Reaching this third level can make recovery extremely difficult, as the further a person slides down in the relapse zone the more difficult it is to turn around.

Helen Mounsey, Christchurch therapist, is part of the Sex Therapy NZ referral network team. Those seeking professional help with any sexual matter should contact www.sextherapy.co.nz