Someone get E.L. James on the phone. Whips and chain-loving billionaires are out. Brother/sister kink is in. Welcome to the left's newest cause to be shoved down your intolerant throat: incestous romance. If pedophilia is still taboo, then let incest jump the cultural acceptance hurdle first. If it has the dexterity to do so. Genetic mutations being the biological reality they are.

Welcome to phase one: desensitization.

Cosmopolitan's article, originally published by Good Housekeeping, is aptly titled "This is What It's Like to Fall in Love With Your Brother."

If you think the title is clickbait, silly you. Though the article sets up our characters, Melissa and Brian, as mentally abused, but separated, long lost half-sibling lovers, the conclusion of the article is exactly what you'd expect. It's a strange love, but it's theirs, and one day society must accept it. #LoveIsLove #SavedYouARead #BarfingIsNormal

So let's get down to it, shall we? Should you feel nauseous, your exit is anywhere outside this article's browser. Good luck exiting reality as smoothly.

The father who raised Melissa is not her father. After her parents were out of the picture, her long lost half-sibling, Brian, contacted her. There, now you're semi-caught up.

"That's where things started getting a little bit weird," says Melissa. She remembers having an immediate and intense reaction to hearing Brian's voice. "I don't really know how to describe the feeling, but I was really attracted to it."

Here we have two people, who know they share a father, talking on the phone for the first time. It was always going to be strange. But according to Melissa, it was also hot. Talk dirty to me, baby... brother.

Two days later, Melissa drove two hours during a Monday night Midwestern snowfall to meet her brother. When she saw him standing in the frigid air outside his office building, she felt a connection that was instantaneous and electric. "It was love at first sight, absolutely the craziest thing I have ever experienced," Melissa says. "The sexual force was like I was levitating off the earth. Your body instantly craves the other person."

Just like when Jack first sees Rose on the deck of Titanic. Like Harvey Weinstein lusts after a potted plant. Or Kevin Spacey stares at a teenage boy...'s junk. ELECTRIC. FORBIDDEN.

I'm sorry for the all caps. But not sorry enough.

Now, feelings are what they are. They cannot be so easily controlled as you're controlling your gag reflex. Okay? Okay. But we can control our reaction to feelings. So while both Melissa and her beau bro were feeling the heat for their own genetic material, they didn't have to explore those sexual feelings in their own Petri dishes of WTF.

Alas...

After a quick drink, they got back in the car and were quickly tearing at each other's clothes like teenagers. "We couldn't keep our hands off each other," Melissa recounts. "It was primal, but we were also scared, like, What is wrong with us?"

A lot. A lot is wrong with them.

Which, when you go read the full article on either Cosmo or Good Housekeeping, because you can't look away, you'll get the full picture. Both Brian and Melissa are twisted in the head. History of abuse, molestation, failed marriages. Possibly raised by donkeys. Inbreeding, radioactive donkeys.

But here's where the Googling comes in. Because having the hots for your brother has an unofficial diagnosis, known as GSA: genetic sexual attraction.

The half-siblings say they are prime examples of genetic sexual attraction (GSA). The term was coined by Barbara Gonyo in the 1980s after she experienced an attraction to the adult son she had placed for adoption as an infant.

The theory is, your mind essentially programs itself to avoid being attracted to those with whom you're raised. With plenty of biological reasons, like the offspring of such unions being deformed. Genetically mutated. Actually retarded. Little things like that.

Now, the entire article (worth the read, because you know, disasters) delves into How the Family Sees It. As well as what Challenges The New Couple Faces. Eventually leading to exactly where we thought it would:

All states in the U.S. have laws prohibiting marriage and/or sexual intercourse between first-degree relatives. In their state, it's a felony that's punishable by life in prison. Not only do Melissa and Brian feel their love shouldn't be forbidden, they also say they're part of a growing segment of society: As infant adoption and fertility treatments involving sperm, egg, and embryo donation increase, so will the numbers of people walking around who are unknowingly genetically related.

If you're not rethinking your support of sperm, egg and embryo donation right now, maybe you should be. Though chances of this are still slim considering our enormous population, the world has a way of quickly shrinking. Natural sexual reproduction is designed as it is for a reason.

But note how "their love shouldn't be forbidden" creeps in there all creepy stalker like. See. It's a forbidden love. Like Romeo and Juliet. Shakespeare was such an unimaginative dolt, he should've made his forbidden lovers related. "Oh Romeo, oh Romeo, where art our father, Romeo?"

"When people like us meet, all of your body vibrates knowing this is your kin, your genes. It's a very interesting phenomenon that's not studied in this world," Brian says. "If we don't start studying it more — or accepting it — people will end up in jail."

There it is. If you, the person reading the article, doesn't start studying why two half-siblings (they're wading into incest with long lost half-siblings, don't think we didn't notice) want to wrestle in kiddie pools of jello with each other, people will go to jail! How dare you be that judgmental prude who doesn't think Jack and Jill fornicating like rabbits, rolling down the hill, is beautiful. Love is love, who're you to judge!?

Before you accuse me of fear mongering and hateful hateness, stop. Here are some articles for reference:

How long before we see movies where long lost siblings have a forbidden meeting? How long before Hollywood casually slips a little sibling kink into a mainstream show? That is, after all, how they normalized gay relations. Eventually leading to gay wedding bells and gay wedding cakes you must bake or else.

Think I'm just a paranoid bigot who hates siblings doing the nasty? Okay. Leave your all caps rage comments in the comment section. So I can print it out, to be used later on a incest wedding cake. Or read aloud at an incest wedding. Brother-sister bridal shower. "You complete me... genetic code."

Aw.

Written by Courtney Kirchoff