We’ve learned much following the travails of Mark, Jez, Soph, Hans, Dobby, Johnson and co, not least of which are the dangers of skinning up with your feet and which colour bread is ‘pudding’

Revenge is a mug best served hot

“Mark, are you stirring your coffee very quietly without chinking the sides so I can’t hear and you don’t have to make one for me?” Perfecting the “velvet spoon” cuppa-making technique is an easy, guilt-free way to spite an aggravating flatmate.

The correct way to pronounce Frankfurt

Alan Johnson, business striver and narcissistic sociopath, is a worldly man. So whenever he mentions JLB Credit’s parent company, based in Germany’s fifth largest city, he uses the authentic – if rather strangled-sounding – pronunciation: “Fronkfort”. We could all learn from his example.

Everyone’s flatshare needs a Super Hans

Sure, he might call you Professor Yaffle, or torment you with worry by attempting to do the plumbing (“It’s just Lego, innit? Water Lego”). But he’ll also prove very useful on the off chance that you need some drugs. You wouldn’t want a whole flat of them. But one Super Hans is essential.

Super Hans, without The Twins

You should never idolise your boss

If Mark’s infatuation with Johnson has taught us anything, it’s that idolising is bad. It’ll only lead to extreme behaviour like bashing up your boss’s BMW because they foolishly left you the keys, or questioning your sexuality with gay porn and a poorly preened pencil moustache, which we neither have the balls nor bone structure for.

There are systems for a reason

Your internal yin and yang is probably made up of a bit of both Jez and Mark, although unlikely equal parts. The test to see if you’re more Mark is by seeing if you nod along to his most Corriganesque moment in which he boots out a bunch of pilled-up partygoers from his flat: “There are systems for a reason in this world – economic stability, interest rates, growth. It’s not all a conspiracy to keep you in little boxes, alright? It’s only the miracle of consumer capitalism that means you’re not lying in your own shit, dying at 43 with rotten teeth, and a little pill with a chicken on it is not going to change that. Now come on, fuck off.”

Every relationship you ever have will be totally doomed

Somehow, Mark won over Dobby and “Sophie! The Sophster! Sophistry!”, while Jez copped off with Nancy and Big Suze. So it is possible to be a vindictive narcissist and woo the object of your desires. But there’s no point. Because it will all go horribly wrong and it will probably be your fault.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Mark and Sophie in the throes of happiness

All toast is good toast

Jez and Mark’s endorsing of Twix, Sara Lee and hairy turkeys has made them low-key cookery icons: there are Reddit threads on Peep Show-themed dinner parties. The show has offered a battle-cry against grub-oneupmanship, most memorably in Mark’s “brown for first course, white for pudding” monologue about toast etiquette. We draw the line at eating Mummy, though.

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Never, ever, become a musician

“Don’t follow your dreams” is a motto that could be applied to any of Peep Show’s characters, but it’s those of a musical persuasion who get a particularly sound kicking. Jez and Super Hans’s band The Hair Blair Bunch – AKA Coming Up For Blair, AKA Danny Dyer’s Chocolate Homonculus – never even manage to attain “toilet circuit” levels of success. And quite right too – they’re awful musicians and awfully lazy. But even those with skill and application arelikely to get shafted: Sophie’s cousin Barney, someone with a degree of talent, ends up locking himself in a toilet after being taken advantage of by Super Hans during a nightmarish ketamine trip. And even if you do taste some sort of fame, it’ll probably turn you into a twisted deviant, like Jez’s idol Russell “The Orgazoid”, who hires Jez as his “handyman” – i.e. someone who gives him handjobs.

Drugs are a tricky business

“Super Hans, are you trying to skin up with your feet again? Because it doesn’t work does it? It just makes a mess.” Peep Show provided many invaluable lessons in recreational drug use such as this. Crack’s really moreish, “foghorn” ecstasy has a “nice, floaty launch with a soft crunchy landing”, and that over-indulgence can end in someone doing “the bad thing.” And nobody wants that.

Peep Show starts Wednesday 11 November , 10pm, Channel 4