Name: the Fire Movement.

Age: not quite a decade old.

Appearance: a bunch of fortysomethings with time on their hands.

Who has time these days? The Fire Movement people – they don’t work.

Lazy bastards. They are not lazy, they have just worked out a precise index of earnings, savings and frugal living that enabled them to quit their jobs while they are still relatively young.

That sounds like a group unworthy of the name Fire Movement. I thought they would be dancing naked in the woods. “Fire” is an acronym for “financial independence, retire early”.

Where does the idea come from? Its leading proponent is a US blogger called Peter Adeney, aka Mr Money Mustache. Adeney retired at 30, but lives a financially independent life with his (also retired) wife and their three children.

How does he do it? Through a combination of diligent saving and an almost fanatical resistance to modern consumer culture: no debt, no needless or irrational spending. “Paying for parking is a sign from God that you’re in an area not designed for a car,” he says. “You are fighting the design of your city.”

He sounds wise. Also he makes $400,000 (£305,000) a year from the blog. But he has saved all that and intends to give it away one day.

How can I learn the ways of the Fire Movement? It’s really a question of ratio: you need to have savings of 25 times what you think you can live on annually. If you can get by on £25k a year, you need to save up only £650k.

What about my mortgage? You have to pay that off.

And all my credit card debts? You can’t have credit cards debts. Or credit cards. Or meals in restaurants.

Can I have fun? If you think penny-pinching is fun, then yes.

So it is just about being mean? No, it’s also about saving the planet, and having freedom.

Freedom from what? “Freedom from worry, and freedom from most forms of bullshit,” as Mr Money Mustache says.

OK, sign me up. Welcome aboard! Start putting aside half your income, and let’s talk in 15 years.

But when I’m done paying for everything, I don’t have half an income left. How much do you have left?

It’s not a positive number. If it’s any consolation, you are not alone.

Do say: “Wake up sheeple! You don’t need a car, or a dryer, or a holiday, or toothpaste!”

Don’t say: “Can I see the wine list?”