Dear minions,

If you hope to achieve world domination, you need a sound business strategy… World domination is a never-ending game of chess. If your plan has a flaw, you’re going to lose.

Dominos, which plans to sell pizza on the moon, will never enslave humanity to an eternal diet of pizza.

The plan for a Dominos pizza moon base is flawed…

No matter the temptation, an evil overlord must never endeavor to sell pizza on the moon. A pizza is made delicious by the combination of toppings. The lack of a significant gravitational force on the moon is a game-ending obstacle for the preparation of pizza.

I’m sure Dominos will argue it can be done – there is some gravity after all. It’s not like the anchovies and olives will float around like they would on the International Space Station… but they’ll still be difficult to manage. Pizza will never be delivered in under 30 minutes.

And even if Dominos does get a pizza business up and running on the moon, they will never succeed… A real evil overlord will quickly put them out of business selling pizza pockets next door.