For all the drivelly, politically correct platitudes about how a great job is about emotional gratification, self-fulfillment and, of course, benefits such as a matching 401(k) and 2 weeks of paid vacation, the best job is the one where the least amount of effort generates the greatest compensation at the smallest amount of personal and career risk. In that case no job will ever match that of Coty CEO Elio Leoni Sceti, or rather non-CEO. Because whereas Sceti was scheduled to become Coty's CEO in about a week, decided not to take the job.

The punchline, however, is that despite never actually having set foot in the company's Empire State Building headquarters, or even working one day for his new employer, Coty is contractually bound to pay Leoni Sceti a severance (or is that non-signing bonus) of $1.8 million, as well as buying back all the shares the buyer's remorseful CEO had purchased.

From AP:

The company said in a news release that Leoni Sceti had "reconsidered" and will not join Coty. It did not disclose a reason for that decision. Coty said its chairman, Bart Becht, will remain interim CEO. The company said the severance payment, which is equal to one year's salary, was part of the employment agreement Leoni Sceti signed with Coty in April. The company will also pay about $55,000 to buy back preferred stock he had purchased. Leoni Sceti, 49, is the former CEO of frozen foods maker Iglo Foods, the company behind the Birds Eye brand. Investment fund Nomad Holdings bought Iglo earlier this month and Leoni Sceti was replaced as its CEO.

And from the press release:

Peter Harf, Director and Chairman of the Remuneration and Nomination Committee of Coty commented, “After further discussion, the Coty Board of Directors determined that leadership continuity is critical in ensuring the continued success of Coty’s strategy implementation. We certainly understand Elio’s decision not to join Coty as planned, thank him for his professionalism throughout this process and we wish him all the best in his future endeavors.”

Sadly, had Coty worked at least one hour, he would have singlehandedly led to an explosive surge in the BLS' lagging average hourly earnings category, and at $1.8 million/hour would, statistically mean US wages would have gone through the roof all thanks to one guy.

Alas, not even the BLS is equipped to resolve a situation where someone was paid $1.8 million for zero hours of work. Unless, of course, someone decides to double seasonally adjust ridiculous US CEO compensation as well...