I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while now, but while out with ThoughtTrain and friends, we discussed the problem of thinking. I’ve alluded to the problem of thinking in other posts, but I want to dive deeper into what thinking does to a former Forever Alone while out socializing.

As a programmer and engineer myself (as many of you are as well), I have to think and derive solutions all day. Thinking involves a logical process. We think to make sense of things. We think to come up with the best ideas to solve our most difficult challenges. We think about the world, ourselves, the universe, and the meaning of life. We think about everything. As human beings, the ability to think has separated us from the rest of the animals on earth.

And now I am here to tell you that when you are out socializing, thinking is the enemy.

“I want to go over and talk to those girls, but I can’t think of anything to say.” “When I’m talking to a girl, I can’t think of anything to talk about to keep the conversation going.” “I’ll go sit at the end of the bar. Drink. And think about how I’m not good enough for anyone.”

Stop thinking.

Thinking is hurting you more than it helps. I don’t think about what to say, I just start talking and whatever words fall out, that’s what I’m going with. This is something they teach you in improv. Just say something and run with it. Sometimes it’ll be great and you can really work with it — other times it’ll be a bust. Oh well.

“I’m afraid to let a conversation die”

Why? I used to care. I used to get upset when a conversation would die and a girl would just turn away. Those awkward silences made me feel like I had no idea what I was doing. I would fish for conversation topics. The result? Making things even more awkward. I’d come off as trying way too hard and it’d be forced, unnatural anyway. Now, I don’t give a fuck if a conversation dies. It dies? Ok then. I’m the one that turns away. I’ll go talk to someone else, or I’ll say, “excuse me, I’m going to get another drink. I’ll catch up with you in a bit.” Remember, you’re talking to her to see if she is good enough to date you. You’re not talking to her to try to get her to like you. You are already awesome and you know that. So stop trying to think about things to say.

In the end, thinking is going to stop you from approaching that girl. Thinking is going to crush your self confidence. And thinking is going to hold you back from being your best self. Live in the moment. Live in the NOW. The first book of the advanced section, The Power of Now, is really where I learned to stop thinking and just “do” things.

“Just do it.”

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