Prepare yourself for this Thursday’s vice presidential debate by printing out the rules below for this year’s Vice Presidential Debate Drinking Game! Without further delay, we bring you the rules.

For Sarah Palin:

Every time Palin mentions one of her kids by name, take the number of drinks corresponding to that child’s number in her brood (e.g. 1 drink for Track, 2 drinks for Bristol, 3 drinks for Willow, 4 drinks for Piper and 5 drinks for Trig). If she does not give a name, take 1 drink. When Palin mentions 9/11 in a textually-relevant manner (e.g. “We need to prevent another attack like the one on 9/11”), take 1 drink. When Palin mentions 9/11 in a gratuitous, textually-irrelevant manner (e.g. “When my son Track was sent over to Iraq on 9/11…”), take 2 drinks. If Palin uses the phrase, “hockey mom”, drink until she takes the self-satisfied smirk off her face.

For Joe Biden:

Every time Biden chuckles condescendingly at Sarah Palin, take 1 drink. Every time Biden chuckles condescendingly at moderator Gwen Ifill, take 2 drinks. Every time Biden refers to himself in the third person, take 1 drink. If he uses his full name (e.g. “When people ask me, ‘Joe Biden, how did you become so good looking?'”), take 2 drinks. If Biden points out that despite being less than 1/100th the size, Delaware has more people than Alaska, drink until you see the bottom of your glass.

If either candidate says:

Russia, take 1 drink. U.S.S.R., take 2 drinks. Swimming the Bering Straight, take 3 drinks. Hillary Clinton, take 1 drink. Bill Clinton, take 2 drinks. Monica Lewinsky, take 3 drinks. Dick Cheney, take 1 drink. Tricky Dick, take 2 drinks. Sucking dick, take 3 drinks.

Finally, if at any point Biden uses the phrase “I know Geraldine Ferraro; Geraldine Ferraro is a friend of mine. Governor, you’re no Geraldine Ferraro,” chug your beer, turn off your TV, and shoot yourself in the head.

Note: Slander ’08 only condones drinking irresponsibly during election years when you need it most.

* UPDATE: It has come to our attention that there has been more than one VP drinking game spreading about on the internet. We’d like to let you know that ours is the “Official” Vice Presidential Drinking Game as it is the only one approved by perennial congressional alcoholic Ted Kennedy and his brain tumor.

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