Clicking a Youtube link entitled “Atheist’s Worst Nightmare” is a treacherous step down a road fraught with headache inducing absurdity and that ends in precious hours of life wasted. The titular first video is an uninformed explanation that the banana is an obvious indication of God’s grand design due to its convenient shape for the human hand, pleasing color that lets us know it’s ready to consume and a nice tab at the top that allows us to easily open the peel. The video – starring sitcom actor turned myopic Evangelist Kirk Cameron and his partner, archetypical Evangelist Ray Comfort – fails to mention the distinctly phallic shape of the delicious fruit that could very well be a tool of Satan used to lead us down the path of lust. It also neglects the fact that the bananas we are used to, known as Cavendish bananas, are entirely of human design. The wild banana is a bulbous lump of shit that scarcely resembles its dong shaped counterpart. And what of the peel so praised by Mr. Comfort in his video? While it does protect the sweet innards until such time as we are in need of potassium, it can have a far more insidious purpose. How many lives have been hilariously lost because of some sociopath placing said protective skin at the top of a flight of stairs?

Any time someone comes along claiming to “checkmate” atheists or present their worst nightmare, they only succeed in validating our position whilst making themselves look stupid. Really stupid. That is not to say that there aren’t well-informed and intelligent Christians out there. Doug Wilson and John Shelby Spong come to mind. Atheists could learn a lot by reading their work. Perhaps then they would stop spewing out clichéd arguments like “If Jesus died for our sins, why is there still sin?” The problem with arguing against the Bible using the Bible is that Christians will find something in the Bible to counter it. But ask any street preacher to explain why they’re right without the Bible, and they’re lost. Most of us are aware of the “Bible is right because the Bible says so” argument.

The problem with attempting to convert a skeptic lies in presentation of evidence. Evangelists tend to attempt conversion using a series of questions proving that we are all sinners. Once it has been established that the subject is a sinner – using the Holy Bible as criteria – they jump straight into a way to salvation. Obviously, if the non-believer finds the source material to be questionable, that approach will never work and ultimately leaves the inquisitor looking foolish. One could say that you have to want to find salvation when reading scripture. If you are actively seeking answers you will find them, but in doing so, you might just convince yourself you found it because you want to. Atheists who say they wish they could believe, I would assume are easiest to convert.

An atheist who sits in discomfort because they wish there was a God, but their analytical mind does not allow them accept superstition, are one perceived miracle away from accepting. But those of us who don’t wish for religion to be true are nearly impossible to convert. While religious texts don’t make any sense in the first place, and arguments in favor tend to seem absurd, the real reason we reject faith is that we want no part of it. If it were found to be the truth, many of us would be horrified by the moral implications. Perhaps we would pray for the first time, but it would be for a conscientious objector clause. Therein might lie a catch-22 since allowing such an exemption might be evidence that God is indeed good and then we would opt in.

-Scott