



I wish you a Messy Christmas

I am sitting on my couch looking at my son playing in front of our Christmas Tree. In general, I do not care that much for the holidays. As a food addict, I appreciate any opportunity to stuff my face with sweets with no fear of public shaming. At Holiday Parties, the people with food issues silently nod to each other as we seek an extra helping of dessert. We recognize one another at buffets. We see the smiles as others are finally eating at our pace and it is glorious! For fifty weeks of the year, we deflect from our secret eating habits with our juicing and our fabulous overpriced salads. Two weeks of a year, we can relax and do what we do best- indulge without stigma and judgement.I have spent every major holiday with the exception of Christmas in jail. I have been arrested on both Christmas Eve (for solicitation) and the day after Christmas (for drugs). December 25 is a day when many addicts are flush with cash or items to trade yet dealers may be closing up shop for the day. I remember vividly getting a brand new pair of shoes one day. They were blue suede Adidas. They were beautiful- exactly what I wanted in a shoe. Within a few days, I was attempting to sell them for drugs. I have seen people trade their children's Christmas gifts for a hit. I sold my holiday bag of groceries for $10 more than once after waiting in the cold for four hours to acquire them. Ho Ho Ho.My life now is quite different. There is an abundance of joy in my household on any given day, not just holidays. Yet I still reflect on the suffering addict. I've had two people I knew die in the past few weeks. And the overdoses continue to roll in. Addiction doesn't distinguish between this day and any other day. All I can do I spread some holiday harm reduction. Our lives are valuable every day. My gift to you is the knowledge that you are valuable. You matter in the universe. I hope you are safe and content even if you are not feeling the season.Love T.