What the hell am I gonna do?

I feel like I’ve been slapped in the fucking face or something… But by what? A betrayal? The truth? Both?! Damn it, I don’t even know anymore!

Greg threw a lot of shit at me yesterday. First he goes behind my back and changes the menu without asking me. Then he talks down to me and ignores me, just like he always does! But… what he said almost made sense this time, I guess? Shit, I dunno!

I mean… he kinda has a point, right? I’ve admitted it before — I really don’t know what I’m doing with all this business stuff… And he does. Before I met him, I’d been doing a ton of research about that side of things on my own. I wasn’t sure I’d actually find a business partner. I thought I’d have to end up figuring it all out by myself… So I guess I do know some stuff, but I’ve never actually USED any of it. I’m not even sure where I’d start if I had to do this on my own.

I thought I was so lucky when I finally found someone willing to help with my restaurant. But as soon as I did, it stopped being MY restaurant anymore… It became OURS. And I was okay with that, at first. I could deal with “my” becoming “ours”, as long as part of it still belonged to me. But lately, it’s not even feeling like that anymore. It feels like it’s HIS. I’m just his puppet slaving away in the kitchen while I let him pull all the strings.

He doesn’t see it that way of course. Not exactly. Greg says I need him. He says I can’t do it on my own… And that all he’s trying to do is help me. Yeah right!

I guess I’m a lot more willing to believe the first part than the second.

I mean, it’s possible he THINKS he’s helping me, in his weird-as-fuck Greg-way… But it’s also possible that it’s all talk too. Like, manipulative, I guess. That’s how it feels, at least. And I sure as hell don’t like it.

This isn’t what I signed up for. This is supposed to be making me happy. And at first, I thought it was. But it’s not. It really isn’t.

So now I have a decision to make, I guess. Maybe one of the hardest decisions of my entire life. — Do I stay? Or go?

I keep changing my mind.

I mean, if I stay with Greg, I at least know we’re making money and that I’m working with someone who knows what they’re doing. Our profits have been great so far, and the customers have really loved my food. The staff is great too. We’re a great team, and I love working with all of them.

But no matter how hard I try, I just can’t make the restaurant REALLY feel like it’s mine. I’ve been lying to myself for the past few months, trying to convince myself I was okay with it all. But it honestly doesn’t feel all that different from working at the Bistro with Denise. I have a lot more say in the kitchen now, sure. We’re using my recipes. And I’ve always wanted that, more than anything.

But that’s not all I wanted. If it was, I would have applied for a head chef position somewhere. I would have been satisfied just running the kitchen… And I’m not.

The other option is leaving… But there’d be no guarantee I wouldn’t crash and burn this time around without Greg’s help. It’d be a huge risk, and I’d be giving up a hell of a lot… But I’d be able to stick to MY plan and MY vision. I could do things on my terms. And it would be my restaurant, just like I’ve always dreamed of.

But it’s not like walking away would be easy. Not by a long shot. Greg made sure of that, actually.

See, at first, I was thinking of maybe offering to buy Greg out… But I know he doesn’t want that. He wants to keep the company, and all the profits too… So I scrapped that idea pretty quickly. Then I started thinking of maybe offering to let HIM buy ME out… Take my money back and just start over, y’know? But would it really be that easy? Is a buy-out even an option?

I still haven’t made a final decision, but I decided to meet with Onkel Auggy and talk to him about all that legal crap, just in case. He told me I need to dig out my copy of the business agreement Greg and I signed so I can figure out what my options for leaving are. And… yeah, I should have figured that out on my own huh?

I’d never really given that agreement a lot of thought. Greg and I went over SO much together when we were finalizing all the restaurant stuff. When it finally came time to sign all the papers, I… God, I’m so fucking stupid.

I didn’t actually read any of it. I just trusted what Greg told me. But now I really, REALLY wish I didn’t.

I looked over our contract last night, and I found the part about “dissolving the partnership”. It says that if either of us wants to step away at any time, we’re allowed to… But we forfeit our entire investment if we do. We walk away with NOTHING.

God fucking damn it.

Mama and Papa left me a little less than two million euros when they died… Nothing compared to the millions Opa has stashed away, but definitely more money than I could probably ever need in my lifetime. And I’ve put a little over a third of that into this restaurant. It all piles up so damn fast!

And guess what? If I walk away, I lose all of it.

I mean yeah, I’d still have over a million left. Still more than I’d probably ever need… But losing one third of my inheritance?! It makes me feel sick. Mama and Papa wouldn’t have wanted me to just throw it all away. Especially if it means risking even more of it. What if I put the rest into a new restaurant and it ends up crashing and burning? Then I’ll have nothing.

I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I really don’t. But I’ve given myself a deadline to figure it all out.

Hope’s coming back to Windenburg for a shoot in two weeks (guess she decided to warn me this time). We’ve been talking about it for a few days, and we already made plans to see each other before she heads back to San Myshuno.

I’ve already promised myself to make a decision about Greg and the restaurant before then. How else will I be able to focus on her while she’s here? I still haven’t forgotten about Dr. Hall’s question. It’s the next big decision I’ve gotta make before I can move forward, I think. I just can’t keep letting all this stuff eat away at me. I can’t.

I’ve been working so hard this past year trying to be a better person y’know? A stronger one. A more confident one. And I really felt like I was on the right path… But then all this stuff with Greg and Hope started piling up. It’s like it made a giant roadblock or something. A huge pile of shit standing in my way and keeping me from moving forward with my life.

So what do I do now? Turn around and head back the way I came? Sit there in the middle of the road crying about it for the rest of my life?

No.

I’ve gotta find a way to get past it, one way or another.

——————————–

I really hope everyone doesn’t hate me for this (especially accidentally leaving it on something of a cliffhanger)…

But as of today, Ashes to Ashes is going on a short hiatus. 😦

I don’t want anyone to panic. I intend for it to be less than a month. Maybe two or three weeks? Not entirely sure right now. I know oftentimes when an author takes a “hiatus”, it ends up being permanent. But I can promise you that I have every intention of returning. I love this story too much and I can’t stay away for too long. I just need a little break.

As for why, I will be honest with everyone — I’ve been experiencing a lot of stress/drama surrounding this story over the past month or so, which has resulted in me feeling pretty upset and discouraged. That’s the biggest reason for this short break (though would you believe I’ve never taken one since I started this story back in December of 2015?! So I guess, stress aside, this is long overdue!)

I still have so many plans for the future of this story, I just want to take a couple weeks to relax, de-stress, and re-evaluate a bit before I come back to writing it. I guess this chapter really ‘spoke’ to me while I was writing it… I am dealing with a ‘roadblock’ of my own right now haha. And, like Zayne, I need to figure out how to get past it 🙂

I thank all of you so much for sticking with my story. It means so much to me ❤

I’ll miss you all these next few weeks! I’ll still be in my thread over on the sims forums, so feel free to stop by there for a visit or drop me a PM while you wait for A2A to return!

Much love to everyone. ❤