The first page of the Hustler article.

Photo by Connie LaFlam

I received this thoughtful letter in 2011, when my daughter was 11:

“Dear Kendra,

I just read your story that was in the latest Hustler.

We probably are in agreement 100% on most topics.

I personally feel that people are too uptight about sex and nudity in general and that if public nudity was allowed- everybody would worry a lot more about their health and appearance. Nudity would be the ‘norm’ instead of something ‘dirty’.

My personal opinion about sex– ‘So what?’ if you are not hurting anyone with your actions and everyone involved is consenting….have fun!

I don’t know how to ask this without it sounding mean and I don’t want it to come off that way.

My questions are these: I’m wondering what you think about your actions having such a negative affect on your daughter?

How are you handling this with her?

What do you tell her?

I’m just wondering, no offense intended.

Sincerely,

Cave Man”

Here is what I wrote back:

Dear Cave,

Thanks so much for thinking about my story and dropping me a line. I’m glad to hear we agree that sex and nudity are natural and nothing to be ashamed of. That is exactly what I am teaching my daughter.

She is learning about sexuality and nudity in a sex-positive, age appropriate manner. Therefore, she has a healthier attitude about sex at age 11 than the average American adult. She knows I am a sex-positive activist and supports my mission. She knows about my website, but she does not read it. She is not yet interested in sex.

It is my goal that by the time she is a legal adult, she can talk about her sexuality openly and honestly, without having to hide behind an alias like I did for many years. I’m proud to say I have taken many lumps, but it was worth it, because I can talk about sex and put my real name and face to it. It’s very liberating being able to be myself with my daughter, parents, family and partner. I want everyone to enjoy that level of freedom!

I think the U.S. is making great progress; I look forward to seeing how the sex-positive movement continues to unfold.

Sincerely,

Kendra Holliday

Then he wrote me back with:

“You’re such a smart lady! My wife and I support your efforts!”

which made me really happy.

2017 Update: My daughter is now 17. She is still not interested in sex, but is very sex-positive. We’ve been interviewed on a couple podcasts together – take a listen! I made the right choice to be open and honest with her, and myself. 🙂