LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

Almost one year after being brave enough to admit that he was creepy once, comedian Louis CK is hoping audiences have it in their heart to find the thought of him wanking funny again.

Following allegations from five women that he masturbated in front of them, the stand-up comedian and sitcom writer penned an eloquent letter citing how the women he did it to admired him as many of four times without even having to say the word ‘sorry’ once.

Now that he has stayed out of the limelight for almost a year, CK is hoping people can forgive him for something he never apologised for and laugh at the thought of him pleasuring his copper wire-haired and almost certainly stubby penis.

“I understand people might not want to see my shows so I’m not going to force myself upon them. I know that is wrong now,” stated CK as he donated a shirt he once wore that reads ‘Public Masturbator’ to Goodwill.

“I’m turning over a new leaf so you can find the thought of me and my ejaculating penis funny again.”

Many other comedians have come out to publicly support CK who are everyday dudes just like him but have avoided being ‘me-tooed’ purely because they aren’t famous enough.

“He’s done his time,” said comedy room runner Christian Pale.

“Ten months out of the public eye living only on the millions of dollars he amassed from his years of international stardom. What kind of PC prude doesn’t want to think about that loveable lump of ginger pleasuring himself to the thought of a woman who may or may not have his consent?”