I've been writing and reporting about video games for a long time. It's not only a career, a way to pay the bills and put food on the table, but a passion that drives me out of bed every day, full of curiosity and excitement. The exhilaration felt when breaking the first details on the PlayStation 4 Pro or the fractured breakup of Infinity Ward and Activision is matched only by a desire to enlighten and inform the people who read my work. But none of that's possible without the people who trust me with sensitive information, who take a risk that I won't put their jobs in jeopardy. I've got a pretty clean track record with that. But one time, I fucked up.

My source passed on the information almost immediately after Barlog had revealed the news to everyone at Sony Santa Monica. People loved working with him, and were devastated to learn that Barlog wouldn't be around for God of War 3—_the studio's next project, and their first for the PlayStation 3. Part of the reason my source was even telling me about the news was _because they were personally upset about it. It was an opportunity for them to vent.

In early November 2007, I'd heard from a source close to Sony that Cory Barlog, game director on the critically acclaimed God of War 2, was leaving Sony Santa Monica. Given how important the God of War franchise was to Sony at the time, and how vital Barlog's leadership had been to making God of War 2 a special entry in the series, his departure would have a huge impact.

This happened back in 2007, when I was working for 1UP, a gaming publication that no longer exists. (It was most notable for pioneering the personality-based games coverage that's become the standard nowadays.) Being the news editor at 1UP was my first "real" job. I'd been writing news articles for 1UP for a few years, in addition to contributing features and reviews to other magazines (EGM, Xbox Nation, etc.), but becoming 1UP's news editor was A Big Deal. Beyond the fact that I was only 22-years-old, having graduated college only a few months prior, I was offered the job after Luke Smith, now creative director on Destiny 2, left for Bungie. Luke made an impact by breaking stories. I wanted to follow in his footsteps.

Why write a story like this? Why open myself to criticism that will, inevitably, be used against me by people with questionable motives? Because mistakes happen, we learn from them, and that's how we get better. It's that simple.

Our conversation eventually touched upon the idea of breaking the news that Barlog was leaving, and while my source didn't have a problem with me using the information, he wanted me to wait a few weeks. Emotions were raw within Sony Santa Monica, and having this break into the open, which would immediately invite speculation about why he was leaving, which would make things worse. My source asked me to sit on the news because using it earlier could put them at risk. I agreed; I was playing by their rules, not mine.

(Each reporter has different ways of handling relationships with sources, but often, you end up talking with sources about a variety of topics, most of which will never end up getting used in a story. It's about trust, and it's common to become friends with sources over time.)

I ended up casually mentioning the news to a few people in the office, discussing what it means for Sony and God of War, and letting them know we'd have a pretty cool scoop to break in the near future. Not long after, I got pulled into a meeting. When it was over, I'd been told that we got confirmation from Sony that Barlog was leaving and we could run a story. Sony had sent over a statement, which means it was official, not a sourced rumor.

What the fuck?

I hadn't authorized anyone to reach out to Sony. In fact, that's the opposite of what my sourced had asked. With a mixture of confusion, anger, and realizing the cat was fully out of the bag, I took the statement from Sony and began to write a story. (In retrospect, I wish I'd been more upset at the people who were responsible for this happening, but I was young, new, and had never been in a situation like this before.) It's not like I could tell Sony, "Hey, actually, we're gonna wait!" A little later, an article was on 1UP. (The link no longer works, even using the usually-great Wayback Machine. The only real archive is a NeoGAF thread.)

"We just received confirmation that SCEA Santa Monica game director Cory Barlog, best known for his work on God of War II, will soon leave the studio to pursue other opportunities. "We can confirm that Cory Barlog, game director for God of War II, is leaving the SCEA SM Studio and we are grateful for his work and creative vision for the critically acclaimed God of War franchise," says a Sony spokesperson. "Moving forward, we are confident in the God of War team, as they are an extremely talented group of people that are passionate about the franchise and dedicated to creating even more epic content with God of War: Chains of Olympus for the PSP and God of War III for PS3."

On a normal day, after publishing a scoop, I'd leave the office to have some celebratory beers. In this case, though, I was trying to put out another fire, one lit under the ass of my source. When I found out Sony had been contacted, I told my source that someone took the information they'd passed onto me about Barlog and used it without my authorization. While that was true, it didn't change a fundamental truth: I'd betrayed the trust of my source. I didn't have to tell anyone about what I knew. When I did, I invited the possibility of a mistake.

My source was, understandably, extremely pissed off about what'd happened, and had little patience for excuses. When the news broke, Barlog was, from what I was told at the time, also extremely upset. He felt betrayed himself, unable to understand why anyone would leak this to media so soon after he made the decision. He reportedly stormed out of the office.

"Someone took the information and used it without my authorization. While that was true, it didn't change a fundamental truth: I'd betrayed the trust of my source. I didn't have to tell anyone about what I knew. When I did, I invited the possibility of a mistake."

There was a more pressing concern, too. Sony wanted to understand how the information could have gotten out so quickly, and were beginning to scan network traffic to see if any messages or emails had been sent while people were at work. In this case, my source had communicated with me on a service that could have been picked up by such a search. This was a newbie mistake on both ends.