FIFA has been rocked by accusations of corruption, fraud, racketeering, bribery and money laundering over the last week, with multiple members of football's governing body being arrested, and explosive revelations hitting the news on a daily basis.

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1. A Convenient Truth

2. The English are Stupid

3. The World Cup Has Always Been For Sale

4. The English Are Racist

5. “Nothing is Missing”

6. Dictator Dictat

7. Blatter the Financial Wizard

8. Blatter the Maverick

Mercifully, new film United Passions has arrived to redress the balance, depicting football’s governing body as a noble, honourable and chaste organization, whose (now former) boss Sepp Blatter is a tireless crusader for truth, justice and the honourable ideals of the sport. The fact that FIFA contributed around £17m of the film’s £20m budget is of course purely coincidental to such a narrative approach.United Passions hasn’t been released in the UK – perhaps unsurprisingly when you read this feature – so IGN had to import a DVD from France. We watched aghast, amazed at the talent the film managed to attract – with Gerard Depardieu as Jules Rimet, Sam Neill as Joao Havelange, and Tim Roth as Blatter himself, and incredulous that such propaganda is actually getting a release in the U.S. today.There’s barely a moment or line that doesn’t raise a snigger, and as it may be sometime before much of the world can see United Passions – if ever – the following are my 19 favourite moments from this most remarkable movie.This is the first thing that appears onscreen in United Passions. Which basically translates as “Welcome to the story of FIFA, where we won’t let the truth get in the way of our agenda.”England and FIFA have rarely seen eye-to-eye. And in this scene, when the concept of the governing body is pitched to the bosses of the English Football Association, the toff with the monocle says, “How ridiculous. What do foreigners understand about our beautiful game?” It's a wonder the other bloke isn’t twirling his massive moustache.In this scene Uruguayan ambassador Enrique Buero buys the first World Cup by telling ice-cream guzzling FIFA boss Jules Rimet, “We have unlimited funds Mr. Rimet. Unlimited. You need the money. We need the championship. Let’s do business.” Rimet smiles and continues to shovel ice-cream into his cake-hole.An English aristocrat tells Rimet’s daughter, “Young lady, the natives of Africa are stupid. Undisciplined. It’s just in their nature – how could they possibly be expected to appreciate the subtleties of a game invented by whites?” Later in the film – and many years later in the narrative – Englishman Sir Stanley Rous re-iterates this point by stating, "The Africans - these people will never understand the subtleties of football." United Passions still hasn't been picked up for distribution in the UK.FIFA is in financial trouble – not for the first time, and as history has taught us, not for the last. General Secretary Carl Hirschman steps down from his post, but not before he hands Rimet a briefcase and states “Jules, everything is here. All the bank statements. The accounts. Nothing is missing.”Wonder if Chuck Blazer had a similar meeting with the FBI this week?In this scene Joao Hevelange – President from 1974 to 1998 – tells his FIFA colleagues “We need funds gentlemen. So find them. We need ideas. So be creative. The world is expanding. The power is shifting. So this is our chance to seize it." Which is good advice.He then adds "I don’t care if you call Brezhnev or Castro or Mao.” Which is not good advice.Swiss buisenessman Sepp Blatter becomes FIFA’s “12th man” with Havelange introducing him as someone who is “good at finding money.” How right he was.Wheeler-dealer Sepp strikes a deal with Adidas by the side of a motorway that makes several fortunes for FIFA. And that’s just the beginning.