judithbuttplug:

this-is-a-thing:

judithbuttplug: can we talk about how gay men still have this idea of ownership over their partners, and there is no equivalent to feminism discourse for the gay men on the receiving end of this inherent masculine possessiveness and objectification, because of the complicated nature of the fact that “gay man” is both the victim and the perpetrator of this, and there is no clear divider between groups such as what gender is for feminism? Probable tangent: I feel like this dynamic is why there is such a pressure for gay men to identify or identity others as tops and/or bottoms. Like this shity misogynistic binary is so ingrained that we need to figure out who should be the buyers and who should be the sellers. Which is how straight men have capitalized on women forever. And then we have the “power bottom” which mimics a feminist facet in the way that it’s men acknowledging someone who they see as passive take an aggressive role in sexual transactions. I’m concluding this off the cuff oversimplification of how I feel about this by saying that we just all need to just do us and let others do them. Men should unlearn what we were taught on what it is to be a “man”.

I feel like it boils down to misogyny anyhow, and I know that gender equality is potentially the fix for this problem, but gay men communities are so insidious and outside the mainstream norm that they become isolated from discussions of objectification and ownership, and adopt this gender “role-playing” you mention as top/bottom binaries. There is no urgency to work these issues out within the community. Because it’s not “our problem” when the battle for gender equality is very clearly outlined as something that is mainly uplifting women, because a lot of gay men who don’t apply nuances of feminism in their life don’t realise that “misogyny” and “homophobia” inherently come from the same place, and when you merge those two it no longer becomes about “misogyny” as in the hatred of women, it becomes about a kind “-gyny” pertaining to hatred of the person who is the object of sexual desire for men, making it not exclusive to women once you include gay men in the same discourse.