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Fox News host Tucker Carlson is many things: a blowhard, a fear-mongering racist, an overgrown frat boy with a giant, empty head. He is also, apparently, the type of man who goes onto shock jock radio programs to talk about how hot it is to imagine 14-year-old girls sexually experimenting with each other. Carlson is a very multifaceted person.


Indeed, Media Matters dug up years worth of call-ins the Tucker Carlson Tonight host made to “Bubba the Love Sponge,” the infamous radio program hosted by Todd “Bubba the Love Sponge” Clem. Carlson, who was hired by Fox News in 2009, was a weekly guest on the program from 2006 to 2011, where he shared some enlightening introspection regarding underage girls and sex. For instance, when Bubba the Love Sponge suggested girls at Carlson’s teen daughter’s boarding school might be “experiment[ing] around” with one another, Carlson had this to say:

THE LOVE SPONGE: Next thing you know, [inaudible], what’s going on in the [inaudible] dormitory? Nothing. I don’t got a PSP to play, I ain’t got nothing going on, I ain’t got my mom and dad here telling me that they love me and tuck me in bed. So, here’s Trixie, she wants to explore my body a little bit, so hey, let’s go crazy. CO-HOST: Wow. You’re a sicko. CARLSON: If it weren’t my daughter I would love that scenario.

Oh?

THE LOVE SPONGE: As outlandish as that is, how old is your daughter? CARLSON: 14.

Hm.

Carlson (who is 49, just FYI!) also claimed that underage marriage is not “the same thing exactly as pulling a child from a bus stop and sexually assaulting that child.” After all, when you marry a child, you are making a commitment to sexually assaulting them!

CARLSON: Look, just to make it absolutely clear. I am not defending underage marriage at all. I just don’t think it’s the same thing exactly as pulling a child from a bus stop and sexually assaulting that child. CO-HOST: Yeah, it’s — you know what it is? It’s much more planned out and plotted. THE LOVE SPONGE: Yeah, it should be almost — you almost should put a premeditation — CARLSON: Wait, wait! Hold on a second. The rapist, in this case, has made a lifelong commitment to live and take care of the person, so it is a little different. I mean, let’s me honest about it. CO-HOST: That’s twisted. CARLSON: I’m sorry, I don’t know how I — CO-HOST: That’s demented. CARLSON: I got myself in a position that seem like I’m defending it, because I am against that.


Truly, a thinker.

Carlson also defended cult leader Warren Jeffs—a convicted pedophile who facilitated marriages between underaged girls and adult men—claiming he was in prison because “he’s weird and unpopular and he has a different lifestyle that other people find creepy.” Nothing wrong with that!

CARLSON: He’s not accused of touching anybody; he is accused of facilitating a marriage between a 16-year-old girl and a 27-year-old man. That’s the accusation. That’s what they’re calling felony rape. [crosstalk] That’s bullshit. I’m sorry. Now this guy may be [crosstalk], may be a child rapist. I’m just telling you that arranging a marriage between a 16-year-old and a 27-year-old is not the same as pulling a stranger off the street and raping her. That’s bullshit. THE LOVE SPONGE: But Tuck, that’s just a small little thing that they got him on. Now, this guy is a — CARLSON: Wait, wait, wait. Since when do you believe everything the government says? Wait a second. THE LOVE SPONGE: Hold on. You know what — CARLSON: All of a sudden, like we’re very skeptical about everything until like some prosecutor comes out and says, “This guy’s bad,” and the rest of us nod in agreement like a church choir, “Yeah, he’s bad.” How do we know he’s bad? What do we know exactly? Nothing.

Note that Carlson didn’t limit his incisive commentary to underage girls and/or child rape. He had quite a bit to say about adult women—that they’re “extremely primitive,” for one thing, in addition to “basic” and “not that hard to understand.” He also did not seem to like Martha Stewart’s daughter, Alexa Stewart (“She seems extremely cunty,” he said, in 2006) or Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, whom he called “two of the biggest white whores in America” in 2008, or Arianna Huffington (“ Oh my God, she’s a pig,” he said, in 2006). Meanwhile, though Carlson was not a fan of Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan, his heart did soften for her:



TUCKER CARLSON: I got to be honest with you. I don’t like [Kagan] and I wouldn’t vote to confirm her if I were a U.S. senator. But I do feel sorry for her in that way. I feel sorry for unattractive women. I mean it’s nothing they did. You know, she didn’t. Nobody deserves that. And men are just mean. CO-HOST: Yeah, well she can certainly, I mean, shape it up a little bit. I mean lose 10 or 15 pounds, get a tan, fix those teeth. CARLSON: No, it’s just absolutely fundamental — physically, the problems with her are fundamental. She’s never going to be an attractive woman.


Lest you think Carlson hates all women, he did have nice things to say about Sarah Palin (when the Love Sponge said Carlson wanted “to fuck Sarah Palin,” Carlson said, “I’ll agree with that,”) and former MSNBC host Contessa Brewer, whom he called “saucy and cute.”

More importantly, it is evident Carlson does want to support women—in 2006 he “joked” that a teacher accused of molesting a 13-year-old boy was “doing a service to all 13-year-old girls”:

CARLSON: Because when a 13-year-old boy is 35 he can barely remember the girls he slept with when he was 13. THE LOVE SPONGE: That’s true. CARLSON: Right? But a 13-year-old girl, when she’s 35, she’s still thinking about that guy. I mean, it’s just a much deeper experience for girls at that age and they’re not ready for that. THE LOVE SPONGE: Girls are far more screwed up then we are. We can just have sex and screw and be done with it. They really, like, they keep a part of them. CARLSON: Exactly. So my point is that teacher’s like this, not necessarily this one in particular, but they are doing a service to all 13-year-old girls by taking the pressure off. They are a pressure relief valve, like the kind you have on your furnace.


Carlson, thank you for thinking of the children. Media Matters has a full transcript of Carlson’s comments, and you can hear the audio below. Do let Carlson’s (remaining) advertisers know your thoughts.

Update (11:35 p.m.): Tucker Carlson speaks.