Choose your own adventure…

Code of Conduct for Loyal Generals All Loyal Generals must be honest. The Generals must determine a Plan of Action by debating and then voting on a final Plan of Action. All loyal Generals must follow the Plan of Action. Once agreed upon, every Loyal General must execute the Plan of Action.

According to Wikipedia “The First bhūmi, called “Very Joyous”, is attained with the first direct perception of emptiness (Sunyata) and is simultaneous with entry into the third of the five paths to awakening, the path of seeing. It is called “very joyous” because the bodhisattva works at the perfections of generosity and develops the ability to give away everything without regret and with no thought of praise or reward (for themselves). All phenomena are viewed as empty and as subject to decay, suffering, and death, and so bodhisattvas lose all attachment to them. According to Tsong Khapa, first level bodhisattvas directly understand that persons do not exist by way of their own nature. Due to this, they overcome the false idea that the five aggregates constitute a truly existent person. They also eliminate predispositions toward corrupted ethics so completely that they will not arise again.”

Spoiler See keystone holon theory.

219 Seeking other business opportunities, I decided to visit the other bars in Old Town looking for an under appreciated venue to whom I could make a compelling value proposition. I found my opportunity at the 219 Upstrairs cigar lounge. Hands down, the best martini I’ve ever had is at 219 Upstairs. Order a Hendrick’s, up. It’s consistently delicious. 219 ought to be packed to the gills, every night, but, for one reason or another, it was under capacity tonight. The live blues music was awesome, my martini was perfect, my cigar was great, but there were lots of empty seats. I suspect the bar was empty because it’s Sunday So, I asked the Doorman “How much would it be worth to you to pack this place to the gills?” Since the Doorman gets tipped, he said “A lot.” Then I asked, “How much would you pay me to pack this bar to the gills?” He said “Zero, because that’s not my job. Why don’t you ask the owner?” And so, I wrote a letter to the owner. I said “If I could fill up your bar, packed to the gills, how much would that be worth to you? I only request payment if I can actually fill the room. yanazendo@gmail.com. P.S. I genuinely love your venue. I only promote venues I genuinely love.” Before sending the letter, I asked the Doorman to review it. Release review is awesome.

MediaWiki In 2012, for a DARPA project I led, we developed a novel defense against high-density attacks, implemented as an NGINX module with accompanying services. For experimental testing, we used the defense to protect a MediaWiki application. Then, we subjected MediaWiki to a variety of high-density attacks, some of which were designed to evade the defensive system. My favorite attack infected MediaWiki’s task queue, such that innocent users carried the burden of processing expensive tasks, causing a denial of service. For details, see the Beer Garden Technical Report.

Google I hacked Google, but it was very much a baby hack. Nevertheless, I think it counts because I circumvented a Google security measure. In 2004, for an internship, I wrote a Python bot to troll Usenet via Google’s interface. At first, the bot couldn’t post to Usenet. Then, I changed the user-agent string for the bot to mimic Internet Explorer, and boom, my bot begin posting messages all over Usenet. Like I said, a baby hack.

Spoiler Here I’m using computer science as a metaphor to justify my decision to present incomplete and flawed proofs, while soliciting and incorporating feedback.

Meditation I stayed at this meditation retreat center once.

Superrational handshake During the Iran Nuclear talks I had non-official status and Obama preferred diplomacy over non-official channels. I was perfectly positioned to negotiate with my Iranian-intelligence-operative friend, Bob. All I had to do was listen to Obama’s playbook on the radio and Web, and use my Value Propositions economic model. One night, I visited the Irish pub across the street from Strongbow’s in Old Town Alexandria. Strongbow’s is my favorite restaurant in Alexandria. As I entered the pub, I immediately noticed a group of about 15 dudes, looking like marines with longer hair, singing drinking songs, and playing drinking games. I bought them a round of drinks, which was a superrational steganographic introduction (see The Proper Way to Split a Bottle of Louis XIII). I had previously dropped off two bottles of Louis XIII at Strongbow’s, where I had recently become persona-non-grata for getting into a bar fight while applying to be a Bouncer (see Superrational Jiu Jitsu Masters). This is all spy craft. The dudes told me they were marines. During a smoke break, one of the dudes told me the dudes were actually Secret Service, so I offered him an Iranian cigarette (see the book Orderly Chaos). Then I handed him the intel I had received from my Iranian friend.

OODA

Cannabis The next state that legalizes cannabis should pass a law that says “You must have a criminal record in order to participate in the cannabis business.” This way, criminals get legit jobs. Criminals have a hard time getting legit jobs because employers are legally allowed to discriminate against criminals. I therefore suspect that the current system promotes crime. Criminals win because they get legit jobs. Non-criminals win because crime is reduced. But this idea is just an idea. We should ask the criminals what they think, before we pursue it further.

What’s the QEMU o-day in your paper? Defensive hackers place malware in little laboratories to dissect the malware. One of those laboratories is QEMU. One of the reasons defensive hackers use QEMU to dissect malware, is because it is difficult for malware to figure out whether or not it is running inside of QEMU. My QEMU o-day allows malware to determine if it is running in a QEMU laboratory. Detecting QEMU is a metaphor for waking up to simulated reality.

First-believe proof

Buddhism I spent the next three years traveling the states while studying and practicing Buddhism. For a period of time, I lived at a retreat center in a cabin named Gita, a reference to Gandhi’s Warfare Manual. Before Twitter, I was a security researcher at Dasient, where I developed behavioral analyses for detecting Android malware. We presented some of our work at Black Hat 2011. Six months into working at Dasient, Twitter bought us for a talent acquisition.

You are living in a simulated reality This is Buddhism 101.

The Large Warrior shouted “Give up!” Ronin responded calmly, “I never give up.” The Large Warrior punched him in the head a few more times, breaking his hand, cursing. Ronin responded calmly, “I never give up.” The Larger Warrior hunched in close, and pressed his finger into Ronin’s eyeball, and whispered “If you don’t give up right now, I’m going to poke your eyeball out.” Ronin responded calmly, “I give up.” Surprised, The Large Warrior cautiously stood up, as Ronin switched to Open Guard position. The Large Warrior paid his tab, then left hurriedly, embarrassed.

Spoiler ISIS is the bad guy and they are fundamentally innocent.

My Dad’s thesis One of my Dad’s master theses is titled The Politics of Military Reform. His co-author is General Peter Chiarelli. My Dad once served as the Chief Strategist for the USAF.

Revenue Risk Team

Of course, this is all just a myth. Myths and metaphors are essentially synonyms. A metaphor is when you kind of exaggerate, and say “X is Y,” rather than using a simile and saying “X is like Y.”

Spoiler I am certainly training to be a bodhisattva. Sometimes, when I experience delusions I believe I am actually a a bodhisattva.

MANIC+ MANIC is a minimal architecture for general cognition, which is useful for developing artificial intelligence. The problem with MANIC is that it requires a “teacher” in order for the AI to learn. But there’s no need for a “teacher.” I developed MANIC+ to get around the teacher problem, while at the same time simplifying MANIC, and making MANIC more representative of reality. Basically, you replace the teacher node with the world node. I.e. the teacher becomes the world. OODA. TODO: spoiler

Bank of America In 2011, I reverse engineered the Bank of America app for Android. I discovered a flaw that allowed me to hijack the app’s upgrade process by registering an intent to intercept the upgrade process.

Kickstart So, how will I promote 219? I will kickstart my social network with time critical small scale social mobilization. Here’s how it works: The owner gives me a price. “If you fill my bar with X customers, I will pay you $Y.” Of course, we will need to precisely define X and $Y.

Then I calculate a coupon as follows.

I divide $Y in half. $Z = $Y/2. Half goes to me, and half goes to the customers who I bring in.

The first X people into the bar receive a coupon worth $Z/X.

But only if at least X people show up! If less than X people show up, I get paid nothing and no one gets a coupon.

But if at least X people show up, I get paid $Z and the first X people in the bar get a coupon.

The owner loves this deal because it is very low risk. The owner only pays out if the owner gets what she wants.

Now my friends are incentivized to recruit their friends to come to the bar with them. And that’s the most fun way to go to the bar anyway.

This only works because my friends trust me to make good bar recommendations.

What to do about it? Eventually, everyone realized that the first Power Players of the Sea Domain were Sailors. So, the Loyal Generals of the Byzantine Army began distrusting Army and Civilian Sailors alike. This distrust ultimately had a fair amount to do with the outcome of the whole thing. To make matters worse, the first victors in the War for the Conquest of The Sea were Pirates. The Byzantine Army didn’t know what to do, so, they asked a Logician named Lamport if he had any bright ideas. At first, Lamport was very reluctant to get involved. He didn’t like warfare at all, he didn’t want anyone to die, and he just wanted everything to be peaceful once again. But, Lamport was a master Logician, which made him a Power Player. Ultimately, his sense of duty outweighed his repulsion to warfare. So, he set out to find a way to make Warfare more Peaceful. As it turned out, he succeeded. Lamport discovered that the Byzantine Army could tolerate a maximum of one third of its employees becoming Traitors. If there were any more than that, then the Army would experience a successful coup d’etat. Lamport realized the predictability of coups could be ´ used to promote peace. Whenever the Traitors reached critical mass, they could peacefully announce their critical mass to the Loyal Generals and then everyone could collaborate towards achieving a peaceful transition of power. In order to explain this information to everyone, Lamport wrote his magnum opus, Lamport’s Warfare Manual. Lamport engineered his Warfare Manual such that it only contained strategies that (1) work and (2) benefit everyone.

A bigger proof I’m working on a big proof, and I can’t tell if it’s crank bullshit, or if it’s genuine genius. The proof is a socially verifiable proof, which means non-computer-science people can ascertain for themselves whether or not the proof is sound. This is also an exercise in creative writing and life. In order to explore the proof tree, I need to experience a heightened state of mind that includes delusions and creativity. I know how to calculate risks. I am available over email mikegagnon@gmail.com, Facebook, text, and phone Theorem: We can end war

Appendix

Spoiler

There is a legend of a Ronin who walks into a bar. He asks the Proprietor if he needs a Bouncer. The Proprietor responds: “You’re only 112 pounds! You couldn’t be a Bouncer!” Ronin responds, calmly, “I am a fearless, loyal, Samurai Master. I never give up and I am very peaceful.” The Proprietor says “Ha! All my Bouncers are Samurai Masters! Who are you!?” So, Ronin hangs around, orders a few drinks, and flirts with some women standing nearby. A Large Warrior walks into the bar, sizes up Ronin, then sits next to the women. Ronin looks out the window and sees that a line had just begun forming.

Iranian cigarettes

The Proper Way to Split a Bottle of Louis XIII The Wall Street Journal is publishing an article that prescribes how to drink 100-year old Louis XIII Cognac. They prescribe “one small drop at a time.” Another question entirely is: “how to split a bottle of 100-year old Louis XIII?” I faced this question, myself, a few years ago. I was trying to schmooze a Doorman, so I brought him a bottle of Louis XIII cognac. TODO Being a proper Doorman, he wasn’t susceptible to Bribes. The Doorman responded “I cannot accept this gift.” TODO But I insisted. I explained that, through a recent stroke of good fortune, I have stumbled upon this most rare treat. It wouldn’t be proper for me to have it all for myself. Please take it. He responded “I agree. How about we give this gift to the Great Investment Banker, and one day the three of us will share it all together 33–33–33? I agreed. TODO Then, one day, we shared the cognac. Fine cognac is meant to be shared

I’m glad you saw my Facebook posts

Set intersection The set intersection of ethics is the ethics that we all agree upon. For example, I believe that every society on Earth believes that innocent people deserve a good life. So, we can all come to the bargaining table with that cooperative goal in mind. Of course, we will disagree on who is innocent and who is guilty, which motivates Ethic Monoid 0.0.2.

Twitter I was a software engineer at Twitter, pre-IPO. I worked on the 6-person Revenue Risk Team, where our job was to investigate and mitigate risks to Twitter’s revenue stream, in order to set Twitter up for a successful IPO. I quit Twitter the week before the IPO, because I was having a crisis with paranoia. I didn’t know I had bipolar disorder at the time. I immediately went to work for RiskIQ, but had to quit one-month in, once again due to paranoia.

Cyberspace must be conquered Ever since globalization, whenever a new domain of warfare arises, a new world war erupts. World War 1: The fight for the sea. “The submarine was the absolute weapon of World War I.”

World War 2: The fight for the air, and the advent of dropping atomic bombs from planes.

World War 3: The fight for space, and the advent of dropping atomic bombs from space.

World War 4: The fight for cyberspace, and the advent of cyber-kinetic nuclear warfare. It is clear that in every world war, the new domain will be conquered. Therefore, cyberspace will be conquered. Therefore, cyberspace must be conquered. Good news: we can end this war peacefully.

I taught myself to program in the fifth grade And before that, I taught myself to program in the fifth grade. My first program was a fighter-jet simulator.

Live blues

What’s a red pill In the film The Matrix, the protagonist Neo ingests a red pill that wakes him up from a simulated reality, and Neo wakes up in another simulated reality, albeit the new reality is closer to fundamental reality. A red pill is therefore a metaphor for something that helps you wake up from your delusions. Abilify is a red pill.

Spoiler ISIS really is fundamentally innocent. Basically, the idea is that free will is an illusion; every choice we make is beyond our ultimate control. Therefore, everyone is fundamentally innocent. I have a scientific proof. Here’s a conversation I had with a friend.

Wouldn’t you be afraid of being an arms dealer? I’m not afraid to die. This is healthy according to Buddhism. And I stay out of prison if I follow the law.

Afghanistan I don’t really know what to do about international relations with Afghanistan. Maybe ask my former MIT office mate, Galen Pickard?

Introduction My favorite bar in Old Town Alexandria is John Strongbow’s, a true Beer Garden. When I want beer, I go to Strongbow’s. At Strongbow’s, you can drink top shelf beer, wine, and liquor in their beautiful cigar lounge while enjoying tourtière. Strongbow’s only applies a small markup to their drinks, so it’s the best deal in town. Rather than fleecing customers with dark patterns, Strongbow’s wins customer loyalty by consistently delivering on their value proposition. You can also watch swordsmen live spar to the backdrop of an Elizabethan play. It is truly awesome. I would love to do business with Strongbow’s. But, unfortunately for me, their business is already excelling. It is difcult for me to deliver compelling value propositions to Strongbow’s. I’ve schmoozed the hell out of their Doormen, but it continues to be a challenge to get a one on one meeting with the proprietor. So, in Old Town, I must look for other business opportunities. Read more

A Jiu Jitsu Master walks into a bar TODO: Link zbg The Samurai warriors of feudal Japan invented Jiu Jitsu. In Japan in the early 1800’s, the Samurai held a monopoly on military power. But in 1873, Emperor Meiji abolished the Samurai monopoly to establish a western-style military. Many Samurai joined the new military, while others struck out on their own in other fields. For one reason, or another, lots of Samurai ended up working at Zen Beer Gardens. At least, according to legend. The Introduction Protocol is illustrated well in the legend of a Ronin Samurai who walks into a bar, and asks the Samurai owner for work.

I’m a genius Here’s my story. I worked on the Revenue Risk Team at Twitter, pre-IPO

Then I quite Twitter to explore Buddhism

I was a research scientist at MIT

I received a master’s degree in computer science from Harvard

I graduated #1 in my class at GMU

I developed Beer Garden for DARPA

I taught myself to program in the fifth grade

Spoiler

Keystone Holon Theory Basically, imagine a double agent working for two countries at once, genuinely attempting to accomplish the objectives of both countries at once. Both countries know the double agent is a double agent. Such an agent could help bring the two countries closer, creating peaceful relations. See my theorem that we can end war.

Conduct All Jiu Jitsu Masters deterministically follow the exact same code of conduct. You could say they all “run the same program.” Example rules: Always use the least amount of force

Be fearless

Always be ready to sacrifice yourself for the greater good

Be maximally skillful

INever give up

Be suspicious

Use the Introduction Protocol to meet other Jiu Jitsu Masters

I’m a first-bhumi Bodhisattva According to Wikipedia, first-bhumi bodhisattvas have the following characteristics: They have had a direct perception of emptiness

They are perfectly generous

They understand that all phenomena are fundamentally empty

They eliminate all predispositions toward corrupted ethics According to me: I have had a direct perception of emptiness. I won’t discuss it online.

I am perfectly generous

I understand that all phenomena are fundamentally empty. In fact, I have a proof!

I have eliminated all predispositions toward corrupted ethics

Spoiler

World War Zero “Cyberwar isn’t the future; it’s already here. It’s business as usual. In this war, the battlefield is everywhere, bugs are weapons, and people like Portnoy are arms dealers.”

DARPA While working at Twitter, I developed Beer Garden for DARPA’s Cyber Fast Track program. Beer Garden picked up where Bouncer left off by adding a Doorman into the equation. I gave a talk on Beer Garden at the Wikimedia Foundation’s headquarters.

Generosity Regarding the perfection of generosity, Twitter gave me a contract worth about $1 million in stock. I left half ($500k) on the table when I quit. I gave half away in my divorce ($250k). I gave about half away in taxes ($125). I gave away about half to indigents ($62.5k). And I spent the rest while studying and practicing Buddhism over the past several years. That left me penniless and homeless and very joyous. And I have no regrets. And, I am perfectly happy that I have pretty much only received criticism for my actions, lol. (I have a job and a home now FWIW).

Hulk

Outcome In the beginning, The Byzantine Army had very strained relations with Sailors due to their extreme, mutual distrust. However, the Warfare Manual began the process of easing tensions between mutually distrusting parties. Ultimately, the Byzantine Army realized they needed Loyal Sailors and Sailors realized they needed to team up with Land forces. The Byzantine Army found Loyal Sailors who they could trust, and invited the best Loyal Sailors to become Generals. With Loyal Sailor Generals, the Byzantine Army gained the force it needed to conquer the Sea. The Traitors never gained critical mass, so they eventually peacefully surrendered. The Byzantine Empire Prevailed. The whole War for The Conquest of The Sea ended relatively peacefully, with minimal bloodshed.

Harvard I received a master’s degree in computer science from Harvard, on a joint scholarship from MIT and Harvard. It’s weird that MIT gave me a scholarship to attend Harvard, right? At Harvard, I discovered Bouncer, an algorithm for defending servers against “high-density” DoS attacks. I proved a probabilistic security guarantee that Bouncer provides graceful degradation in the face of high-density attacks. I also wrote some nonsense, discovered an algorithm for compressing game trees, designed a programming language, and proposed a new approach for monetizing the web without advertisements.

Spoiler I estimate I am in the 99.9th percentile of intelligence pertaining to identifying connections.

Spoiler I have a friend I met in a psych ward who told me was ISIS.

Introduction Jiu Jitsu is the ancient Japanese art of redirecting energy. According to Wikipedia: Jiu Jitsu “is a martial art and a method of close combat for defeating an armed and armored opponent in which one uses no weapon or only a short weapon… “‘Ju’ can be translated to mean ‘gentle, soft, supple, flexible, pliable, or yielding.’ ‘Jutsu’ can be translated to mean ‘art’ or ‘technique’ and represents manipulating the opponent’s force against himself rather than confronting it with one’s own force. Jujutsu developed among the samurai of Feudal Japan as a method for defeating an armed and armored opponent in which one uses no weapon, or only a short weapon.” In Mythology, The Legendary Jiu Jitsu Master represents the exemplary Warrior. Martin Luther King, Jr., Gandhi, Arjun, Ronin, Luke Sky Walker, Neo, Captain America, the list goes on… Legendary Jiu Jitsu Masters are: Fearless Always ready to sacrifice themselves for the greater good Extremely skillful Extremely determined As peaceful as the situation warrants

Secrets When I talk with members of the US Military we both agree that the less we know the better. Secrets are a liability.

Proof sketch The web version of this proof is sketchy, but a string theorist at CU reviewed my complete proof and concurred that ISIS is fundamentally innocent. The proof is scientific. Speaking of proofs

A bigger proof

Spoiler

Cannabis

Intelligent plus operation For example 1 monoid plus 1 equals 2 for most arithmetic monoids. Plus operations can be performed on arbitrary data structures. For example, we can encode ethical systems in data structures.

Iterability If I promote 219 and my social network decides 219 is a dud, then I have damaged my reputation. It will be more difcult for me to leverage my social network in the future for time-critical small-scale social mobilization. But, if my social network is pleased with my promotion, then they will stayed tuned for further promotions in the future. After all, I find ways to introduce them to amazing opportunities at discount prices.

Spoiler If you want me to listen to your feedback, it behooves you to listen to my feedback.

Gödel’s Lost Theorem I can prove all of my theorems, without contradicting myself, while contradicting myself.

Cannabis

Gita

Spoiler $200 / hour is a reasonable rate for me. It’s what I charged DARPA and RiskIQ.

Systematically lies According to Wikipedia: “sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, hoping to make them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to destabilize the target and delegitimize the target’s belief.”

FBI I just filed an FBI tip about myself being a double-agent, which means I’m on Iran’s side. It also means I’m an FBI informant. I’ve been publicly working with the US Government for a long time. Spoiler

QEMU Here’s an o-day for QEMU. (0-day means previously undisclosed hack). Spoiler

Paradigm shifts

Ronin stood up He bowed to The Large Warrior as the Large Warrior exited. Ronin paid his tab and asked the Bartenders if he should leave. They laughed, “Of course you can stay!” So, Ronin had a few more drinks, flirted with a few more women, paid his tab, and went to see the Proprietor. He asked, “So, do I get the job?” The Proprietors responds, “Get the Fuck Out of Here and don’t come back! You brought violence into my Beer Garden.” Ronin bows, and walks into another bar.

US Army In 2008, I red-teamed an experimental intrusion-detection system for the US Army. The results are classified. They gave me this coin at the conclusion of the project:

Spoiler I suspect we really can end war, and I suspect I am providing reasoning that supports that thesis.

Why was there this trust problem? After much debate, the Byzantine Army, spies and all, realized that the Trust problem was caused by a new domain of warfare: the Sea. The Byzantine Empire had been built in the era of pure land warfare. At the time, no one really knew how to predictably survive vast amounts of open sea. They used a navigation strategy called “dead reckoning,” whereby they just kind of guessed where they were in the sea. It didn’t work very well. But then, suddenly, Predictable Seafaring emerged and there was a new domain in which to conduct Commerce and Warfare. Power Players in the Land Domain were not the same as the Power Players in the Sea Domain, so there was a sudden, and unexpected Power Vacuum and fight for Supremacy.

Creativity I can acquire this state of mind by smoking a very small quantity of low-THC cannabis once a day. The heightened state of mind comes and goes over a course of 3 hours. To minimize risk, I am working with my psychiatry team and earnestly listening to all feedback. Spoiler

Delusions The delusion of grandeur I experience is that I am “the chosen one.” It’s basically the storyline of any modern Disney movie. It follows the Hero’s Journey and then at the end you find out the bad guy wasn’t nearly as bad as you originally thought. The way I am going to live my Hero’s Journey is I am going to explore my heightened state of mind, and then write this big proof, from the perspective of delusions of grandeur, which is actually just an exercise in creative writing. This sounds like safe delusions of grandeur, right? I feel very peaceful. I’m enlightened

I’m a genius

I’m an elite hacker

This is my story

Spoiler

Spoiler There’s genuine wisdom in the Appendix.

I’m not working with ISIS I just have an ISIS friend. We’re diplomats. We’re supposed to be friends.

Speaking of proofs One of the main differences between computer science and mathematics, is that mathematicians become embarrassed when flaws are found in their proofs. In contrast, computer scientists use a technique called “proof search” to search for sound proofs. The search necessarily involves exploring leads that turn out to be dead ends. You can find dead ends more efficiently by interactively subjecting your proofs to criticism. This makes it far more efficient to discover sound proofs. And I would also like to say that computer science has a far more sophisticated understanding of efficiency compared to mathematics. I know what I’m talking about. While a Ph.D. student at Harvard, I wrote a paper on proof search, complete with proofs. Dr. Michael Mitzenmacher reviewed my paper and proofs and gave me his stamp of approval. Spoiler

Ballistic Missile Defense In 2010, I participated in a live-fire exercise for Ballistic Missile Defense. I used a high-density attack to knock a radar offline so generals in the Pentagon’s War Room couldn’t see the ICBM on radar. For details on the exercise, see my paper Towards Net-Centric Cyber Survivability for Ballistic Missile Defense.

The trust problem The ancient Byzantine Army from the ancient Byzantine Empire had a problem. Namely, churn. Employees of the Byzantine Army, even Generals, would frequently switch sides and work for the other army. They might switch sides publicly, or they might become cover spies. Eventually the Byzantine Army realized the problem they were facing was Trust—or, more specifically, the lack thereof. In response to this realization, the Byzantine Army set out to investigate: Why was there this Trust problem, and What to do about it?

Yahoo In 2011, I discovered (via reverse engineering) that a Yahoo app for Android was hashing IMEI numbers in an attempt to protect user privacy. An IMEI number is a number unique to each phone, so apps sometimes use it as a form of user ID. Hashing IMEIs does not protect privacy because there is very little randomness in IMEI numbers. Therefore, reversing IMEI hashes is trivial. For a more thorough explanation, see my blog post Hashing IMEI numbers does not protect privacy.

North Korea I was trained to resist torture by the United States government. Therefore, my worst fear is being tortured. I studied nuclear warfare at MIT, therefore my second worst fear is nuclear war. Fortunately, I believe both President Trump and Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un are both doing a good job at avoiding nuclear war. This may seem puzzling given their public personas, but it makes some sense when considering that they are just cliff dancing with each other. The weird part is: if they both know that they are both cliff dancing, why continue the charade? Mutual cliff dancing reaches equilibrium with a truce. So, let’s take our fingers off the triggers and negotiate instead. Also fortunately: we can end the war with North Korea with basic income. Recall, communism’s primary goal is to ensure that every innocent person lives a good life. And recall, capitalism’s primary goal is to enable people to get rich, so long as they have what it takes. We can achieve both goals via basic income. Here’s my play: Finland should implement basic income. Then Finland and North Korea should become allies, and by that I mean they should exchange grad students. So, we should launch a Finland Basic Income meme on Reddit.

Appendix The proof is a a first-believe proof

Because I propose paradigm shifts, you must be extra scientific when reviewing my work.

Ethic monoids facilitate world peace

MANIC+ is the ultimate AI

Spoiler

Axioms That We Can All Agree Upon Unfortunately, warfare is unavoidable because the Sea must be Conquered. Although we must Fight, we can still be Gentlemen. There are Loyal Generals and there are Traitorous Generals. Every General knows whether he is Loyal or Traitorous. The Traitors all know who each other are. But the Loyal Generals do not know who the Traitors are.

One thing led to another… … when, all of a sudden, the Large Warrior punched Ronin in the face, for apparently no reason! Ronin, a highly trained, Masterful Warrior, reflexively responded by locking the Large Warrior in a headlock, tripped him to the ground, glasses crashed everywhere, and The Masterful Warrior ended up in Guard position—which he held. The Large Warrior immediately began trying to punch Ronin in the face. But, Ronin masterfully protected his face from the blows, deflecting them to his head. Of course, Ronin had the ability to reverse and acquire Mount position—but, there was broken glass everywhere. The safest thing Ronin could do, for everyone, in that moment, was maintain Guard position and not give up.

Spoiler I really do know how to calculate risks. Basically, you identify all the possible things that could go wrong, estimate the likelihood of things going wrong, and estimate the cost of things going wrong. Then you estimate your chance of success, and estimate the reward of success. Then you make an educated decision as to whether or not you want to take the risk.

Bouncers are responsible for keeping the lines moving at Zen Beer Gardens TODO ZBG link So, Ronin decides to bounce the next troublemaker he sees. Ronin asks one of the women, “Is that your boyfriend?” She laughs, and says, “No.” Ronin asks, “So, may I flirt with you?” She blushes, and says, “Yes.”

Is the proof sound? I have bipolar disorder and am prone to delusions of grandeur. I am also prone to genuine genius.

Spoiler I’m not working with the government these days, although filing an FBI tip I think counts as working with the government.

Theorem: We can end war. Proof: Proof by construction. How do we end war? Basically, we negotiate win-win deals that ensure all parties achieve their objectives. Negotiating deals can be challenging due to objective mismatch. E.g. if Bob and Frank want to kill each other, it is silly to help them achieve their top-level objectives. The key to helping Bob and Frank is persuading them to descend their objective hierarchies. Rather than having me expound upon the definition of objective hierarchy and so forth, let’s just look at some concrete examples Cigarettes

Cannabis

Iran and Syria

North Korea

Afghanistan

Terrorism

Cyberspace must be conquered

Spoiler

Spoiler Well, I was an elite hacker. But I’ve lost my enthusiasm for hacking. If and when I become inspired though, I can hack.

I know how to calculate risks I worked on the Revenue Risk team at Twitter, and after than I consulted for RiskIQ for $30k a month. The main things that lower the risk of this proof search are (1) I am not manic, and I can avoid mania by taking my medication, (2) I am very at peace with the massive paranoid delusions I experience in this heightened state, (3) I can live a functional, healthy life while including these heightened states in my life. Spoiler

What’s an o-day? A previously unpublished hack.

Cigarettes Don’t finish your cigarette; leave a little bit on the end, put it out nicely, and tuck it somewhere where an indigent smoker will find it. Therefore you don’t litter, an indigent gets to smoke, and you receive good karma for your sacrifice and generosity. For bonus points, indigents should dispose of cigarette butts properly. This way there is less litter. And if there is less litter, then the community will be more OK with smokers stashing half-smoked cigarettes in public places. Unfortunately, this game appears to endorse cancer, but this is the best I can do. Non-indigent smokers win because they avoid committing crime. Indigent smokers win because they gain access to cigarettes. With bonus points, the community wins because there is less litter.

A conversation

Spoiler When you click on “Spoiler,” I tell you the details of my delusions. I’m not having delusions as I write the spoilers.

Ethic Monoid 0.0.2 Every country determines who is “innocent” and who is “guilty” We all work together to make sure that the “innocent” people (the people declared innocent by their country) receive a good life. Note: We cannot implement Ethic Monoid 0.0.2 under the current geopolitical climate. We will need to improve the climate to achieve Ethic Monoid 0.0.2

What’s absolute reality? According to Buddhism, Śūnyatā is absolute reality.

Spoiler There’s a lot of genuine wisdom in this proof.

The legend of a Ronin Samurai who walks into a bar Ronin walks into the bar, and offers to the owner to work as a bouncer

The owner insults the Ronin. Why? Because the Samurai have a specific protocol for responding to insults. Specifically, Samurai must defend their honor, even to the death. The owner wants to see how well Ronin can execute the Samurai Program.

The insult activates the Honor Defense Program in Ronin.

Following the honor-defense program, Ronin declares that he is a Samurai. In Jiu Jitsu, you must inform potential opponents of your power.

Following the detente program, the owner declares that he is a Samurai and, furthermore, the entire staff of the bar is Samurai.

Following the introduction-protocol program, The owner repeats the insult to inform Ronin that he would like to see Ronin prove that he is a Samurai.

Following the Zen Beer Garden program, Ronin assumes the role of a Bouncer.

Following the Zen Beer Garden program, Ronin waits until a line forms at the bar. Then he identifies the most frivolous patron at the bar and uses perfectly executed Jiu Jitsu to bounce him.

The owner is finally convinced that Ronin is truly a Samurai. But the owner is obliged to follow the Zen Beer Garden program too. So, the owner bounces Ronin out of the bar, because patrons are not allowed to bounce other patrons.

Analysis of Lamport’s Warfare Manual Lamport’s logical analysis of his Warfare Manual consisted solely of sketchy, inconsistent proofs made up almost entirely of generalized, abstract, proof-of-work steganography. Interestingly enough, mathematically inclined tacticians, to this day, still enjoy this sort of thing. We’re not sure why he did all that, because it’s all actually very simple. It prescribes Democracy It gives a sensible definition for what it means to be “Loyal” in a Democracy It instructs Loyal Generals how to achieve unanimity, despite the presence of Traitors It offers a simple, realistic, plausible plan for peace based on the facts of the matter And, to top it off, it all just seemed to work. At the time, Lamport?s Warfare Manual was a radical innovation. Consider that neither The Bhagavad Gita nor Sun Tzu’s the Art of War had been written yet.

Terrorism I spent one summer as an intern at the Institute for Defense Analyses, researching terrorism from an emergent-phenomena perspective. At the conclusion of my internship, Lieutenant General Peter Kind gifted me my first challenge coin. I won’t discuss my theory of terrorism online. But I will say I’m an FBI informant.

MIT Before Dasient, I was a research scientist at MIT’s Lincoln Laboratory, whose budget is about $1 billion a year. There, I hacked ballistic missile defense for the United States Air Force. During a live-fire ballistic-missile-defense exercise, I got to present my hack to generals in the War Room of the Pentagon.

GMU Before MIT, I studied computer science at George Mason University, “the largest public research university in the U.S. state of Virginia.” My mission at undergrad was to party as much as possible, and to skip class as much as possible. Despite succeeding in my mission, I graduated #1 in my class. My undergraduate thesis was that red pill wins. IEEE Security & Privacy published my thesis, but in the publication I had to tone down my claim about the red-pill victory, for the sake of politics at the time. Here’s a picture of me and my ex-wife while we were in college.

Pepsi

Introduction Protocol A key to the success of Jiu Jitsu is superrationality. It is therefore important for Jiu Jitsu Masters to be able to reliably identify each other, so they can take advantage of superrational strategies. Jiu Jitsu Masters use the Introduction Protocol to identify each other. Jiu Jitsu Masters loudly announce that they are Jiu Jitsu Masters. But so do liars and people with delusions of grandeur. Jiu Jitsu Masters prove to each other that they are Jiu Jitsu Masters by behaving in ways that are very difficult for non-masters to behave. It is essentially an interactive proof system. Of course, there is always the risk of Byzantine Failures… TODO: link Byz failures, interactive proofs

AOL Who hasn’t hacked AOL?

I am the chosen one When I’m delusional, I sometimes believe I was raised since birth to be a saint to save the world. There is a massive global conspiracy to lead me to the ultimate objective: world peace.

Spoiler A string theorist at CU really did review my proof and conclude it is correct. How did I meet the string theorist? I walked into the physics department help desk, and asked for a tutor. The tutor they recommended didn’t have the expertise I needed, so that tutor recommended another tutor. This other tutor is the string theorist.

219-love I only promote venues I genuinely love, because when I promote a venue, I put my reputation on the line. If I promote duds, I will become a worthless advertiser and no one will pay me.

Ethic Monoids A monoid is an intelligent plus operation. We can use ethic monoids to sum all the ethics of the world together to arrive at intelligent ethical systems that represents the sum of the parts. I have developed Ethic Monoid 0.0.1, which works as follows: set intersection. Ethic Monoid 0.0.2 is more sophisticated. In future versions of the Ethic Monoid, I expect we will be able to ensure “guilty” people live good lives too, so long as “crime” is adequately deterred. Also, everyone is fundamentally innocent. I have a partially documented proof. Hacker-speak for monoids

Ethic monoids PDF

I follow the law That’s how I avoid jail time. Cyber-weapons arms dealing is legal under certain circumstances. I hold classified information in my mind. Under no circumstance will I reveal information I am not legally allowed to reveal. World War Zero

A conversation

It’s a great deal I love this deal, the owner loves this deal, my friends love this deal, and their friends love this deal. Once again, the only reason this deal actually works is because 219 is actually fantastic.

A fighter-jet simulator

Blue pill A blue pill is a metaphor for something that places you in a simulated reality. It’s the opposite of a red pill. When I smoke cannabis, it makes me delusional, and in this sense cannabis is a blue pill for me.

Scalability This business practice scales beautifully. If everyone started promoting venues using this approach, then: The best venues would receive the most customers

The worst venues might only receive more customers temporarily

The best promoters would receive the most business

The worst promoters would go out of business If this practice were executed as scale, it would exert lots of pressure for businesses to improve their value propositions to customers. Good bars would excel, and bad bars would fail. Capitalism becomes more efficient and everyone wins.

Double agent I’m on both sides at once. This makes me an ideal diplomat. Spoiler

Superrational Jiu Jitsu Masters TODO: prisoner’s dilemma link In game theory, a player is rational if, and only if, the player’s actions are optimal towards achieving an objective. In traditional game theory, rational players never trust other players. This lack of trust unfortunately leads to problems. For instance, in the Prisoner’s Dilemma Game, if both players are traditionally rational, then both players are untrusting, and consequently everyone spends an unnecessarily long time in prison. However, trust changes the name of the game. In the Superrational Prisoner’s Dilemma Game, if both players are rational, and if they both know each other are rational, and if they both trust each other, then everyone spends a short time in prison. This concept of rationality is called superrationality because it is better. A superrational player is a rational player who trusts other superrational players, and can identify other superrational players. According to legend, Jiu Jitsu Masters are superrational.

Things Everyone Must Accept Regardless if anyone uses this Warfare Manual or not, if one third of the Army becomes Traitorous, then the Traitors win. Nevertheless, we can be Gentlemen and avoid unnecessary bloodshed by keeping in mind that if the Traitors accumulate sufficient critical mass, they win. The Loyal Generals make a request to the Traitors: if you achieve critical mass, please let us know peacefully, so we can collaborate in organizing a peaceful transition of power.