



It was a dark and spooky night out. Outside, the moon was surrounded by a cover of dark clouds. Bats flew in abundance, further darkening the already nearly pitch black sky. The atmosphere was one filled with bleakness and loneliness. It was coincidence that the weather mirrors that of an empty pizzeria: Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. Originally a place filled with family friendly fun and warm pizza, was now a desolate place where only men foolish enough would dare enter.

Inside the strangely still lit Pizzeria, a man was finishing setting up his television, VCR, and his consoles in the security guard office. Perched on his shoulder was a green little bird with blood red eyes, much like a cyborg. It was the internet celebrity Jontron and his pet robot bird, Jacques. They had wanted to do a special review on a terrible movie baring the Freddy Fazbear brand and they decided the old abandoned pizzeria was the best setting for said review.

"Alright Jacques, I got everything set up," Jon said with a smile. "Boy, who knew old abandoned hellholes would still be lit?"



"Jon, I have a bad feeling about this place. These animatronics are creeping me out. Why does the chicken look like she belongs on some furry website?" Jacques asked.

"Well Jacques... I have absolutely... no fucking idea." he said shrugging. In truth, he felt the same way. The animatronics on stage did creep him out. He just didn't want to reveal it to Jacques. The reviewer set up his camera and glanced over his script before tossing it aside. He stared at the camera, clearing his throat before speaking.

Jontron and Jacques: 1

"Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen! This is Jontron and we are ready to spook your socks of, cause tonight. We got some scary shit. It is called Freddy does the world. Now if it ain't obvious. We are dealing with a Freddy Entel Inc. Now for those who don't know what the hell we are talking about, Freddy Entel Inc. was the entertainment branch of the Freddy Fazbear Entertainment Corporation. They made such classics such as Bonnie's Adventure for the PlayStation 1." Jontron said, proceeded to gag violently. After a few seconds, he stopped. "Just thinking about makes me want to puke..." he explained before pulling out the VHS tape.

"Now you know this is a good movie when we see the box art. We have Freddy with a Royal Guard Top hat??...anyway, our hero is standing on the island of Germany even though, you know, that's the UK," Jontron said, noticing that the obvious error. "I can't blame them. I, too, struggle in recognizing countries." He then pulled out a map and took a good long look at it. "Not uh, I think that is Cuba" he said, pointing his finger at the United States. "And this here is... Japan!" He pointed his finger at the island/continent Australia.

"Alright, well let's not waste any more time. I know you want me to suffer. Let's all suffer, you and me together. Just this Halloween," he said, pulling out the VHS cassette and flinging it at the TV. This aiming and timing was absolutely perfect as the VHS flew into the slot. "Alright Jacques, hit it!" he ordered. "Right Jon," the bird complied, sending a mini Ryu forward. The Mini-Ryu flew to the VCR, spinning around as he hit start.

Unknown to them, since they were not wearing a watch. The time had hit 12:00. In the show stage: the animatronics, which consisted of a bear, a chicken that looked unnervingly curvy, and a rabbit whirred back to life. This was a daily schedule for the robots. They've have been for years, trying to catch the man known as Purple Guy, the one who took the life of 5 children, however their efforts repeatedly have been for naught. Perhaps this night will be different. Their criminal databases was glitched out, so any human who set foot inside the office was Purple Guy as far as they are concerned.

Animatronics: 12?

Toy Bonnie hopped off stage. He had heard noise coming from the office. To him, this indicated one thing: The Purple Guy has returned. If the robot could grin, he could. Finally the lost souls of the children will be avenged.





FIGHT!

Jontron sat down with a bag of popcorn as the movie starts off. The first thing that he spots is the “WHOA! WHOA! Holy shit. What is this? WHAT IS IT! Like right off the bat you can see the animation is terrible.” During a walking sequence, Freddy moves around very stiffly. “Just imagine any 70s Hanna-Barbera Saturday morning cartoon only twice as bad and you’ll get this movie. “I imagine the budget was from the quarters from the cabinet machine from Crusin World… y'know... the one with Tom Cruise...”

“Howdy there friends. It is you’re old friend Freddy Fazbear. I am so glad you are here.” Freddy said in a strange stereotypical southern drawl that makes him giggle. “A…Andy is that you? Andy Griffith? D...id you come back from the grave? So anyway, Freddy Fazbear here explains about some world race he is participating. However considering that we never see any of the other racers and by the end that sub-plot never gets any disclosure, this explanation seems hallow.”

“Jon, you need to see this” Jacques voiced with a hint of concern. He was perched on a tablet. Jon walked on what Jacques is talking about. “What is it Jacques?” “Take a look.” Jacques showed a feed from the Main Hall. Toy Chica was standing there looking at the camera. “Ms. Deviantart is supposed to be in the stage. What is she doing here?” “Ah don’t worry Jacques, we’re probably just hallucinating that shit.” Said Jacques, pulling out some seed. “Tell you what. After we’re done, I’ll get you some nuts.” He then went back to the video.





“So we see Freddy in Scotland where he meets up with…Sean Connery? Anyway, you won’t believe this, but Sean Connery challenges Freddy to a duel for a pizza. Goddamn, that pizza must have some kind of high quality cheesecake to be worth dueling over.”

He then sees Freddy pick up a sword while not Sean Connery picks up. “Aww Hell yeah! They’re about to fight. This right here is going to redeem this film! It’s going to be like Highlander, and I can’t get enough of that shit! After all,” Jon said, pulling out Conan’s sword. “There can be only one!”



Just then said fight scene between the not highlander and Freddy occurs. Both characters flail around jerkingly while both of their swords make noises that is more like spoons and forks hitting each other than clanging of swords. Jon was unimpressed with the so-called fight scene. “And I AM NOT IT!!” He screamed, tossing the sword out of the office.

The sword so happened to hit the puppet, whom was already out of his box, ready to leap at the poor sap who forgot the music box. The flung sword embedded itself in its head. The puppet dropped to the floor, shivered with electrical energy and roared before dropping dead.

Jontron and Jacques: 1

Animatronics: 11

The screeching got both man and bird’s attention. “Jesus! What the hell was that?” Jon asked. “Most have been one of the robots, Jon.” Jacques suggested. “Jacques, what did I tell you? There is no live robots here. Look, you’ll all stressed out, I know. When I’m done with this review i'll go get you some nuts alright? is that a deal?" "Deal Jon!" Jacques answered.



“Alright so in Scotland, while playing some bagpipes, Freddy is exploring a.Wait…hold on!!” Jon said, stopping the tape. In full view right behind Freddy in a frame was a green-haired succubus that would look very familiar to fans of Capcom. “I…Is that Morrigan? Morrigan fucking Aensland from Darkstalkers is just somehow in this. And she looks like she hasn’t fucking eaten food for 4 years….wait a minute.” He looked at the box once more. On the package, it says a secret Darkstalkers cartoon episode. “So random Morrigan Aensland cameo was just a way to justify putting an episode of a cartoon?"

"Alright, well let’s take a look here.” He fast forwarded the tape to show the Darkstalkers cartoon. He stops a still image of Morrigan. She looked ugly as sin, looking more like an old lady than anything else. “Ooh…ohh? Aww noooo,” After viewing said still image of the cartoon, Jon threw up his hands!

“Alright, That is it! I’m leaving!! I quit.” Jon yelled, leaving the office. In actuality, he was just going to game area to take a break from the movie. As he walked in to the room, he spotted an arcade cabinet lit up. Curious about what game it could be, he walked on over to the cabinet. It so happens the game was Darkstalkers 3. It looked rather fun to him, so he decided to play.







Unfortunately, Toy Freddy at the time was getting out of the show stage and was heading to the game area where Jon was. Jon, now distracted by the arcade game, was a potential sitting duck.

The character Jon was fighting against was Morrigan’s sister Lilith. Jon looked at her in disbelief, but he continued to play the game. Despite the rather questionable design of Lilith, he was enjoying the game. However, soon, Lilith performed some hyper combo where she was for some reason in a bunny girl outfit. Jon looked at the screen for a good amount of seconds before grabbing the arcade cabinet. Jon, showing a surprising amount of heft, lifted the cabinet and flung it with all of his might.

Fortunately for Jon, Toy Freddy had so-happened to be in the general direction where Jon tossed the cabinet. The toy animatronic screeched as the cabinet fell on top of him. The animatronic was reduced to body parts and scrap as the cabinet crushed him like a grape.



Jontron and Jacques: 1

Animatronics: 10



Still disbelieved at what he saw, he trudged back to the office to clear his mind from whatever that was. On the way, he bumped into a figure. “Oops, sorry sir, but could you….” He apologized, stopping himself when he realized who..or what he was talking to. The animatronic turned around, revealing it’s no face to him. It was old Bonnie. The animatronic rabbit screech at his face, wrapping its hand around his neck and lifting him up. Bonnie began his small walk to the parts and services, intent on stuffing this endoskeleton in a Fazbear suit.

“Ack..Ack!” Jontron’s face began turning blue, being unable to breathe as Bonnie’s grip was so tight. He shed a tear. This is the end. No more Jacques, no more Rare games, no more swood and grommets. He wished he could have completed his goal of attending Disney World at Orlando Florida.

The word Florida disgusted Jon and he let out belching flamethrower, taking the animatronic by surprise as it let go to put out the flame. Jon took a moment to catch his breath while the animatronic comically ran around in circles hitting itself with the one arm he has. Jon recalled the fact the American Alligator lived in Florida, burping a jet of flames that completely engulfed the animatronic. The animatronic screeched as the flames grew too hot for the endoskeleton inside and Bonnie busted in a mini explosion that send Jon stumbling into one of the party room. “Whoa! Jesus. Someone sure didn’t couldn’t take the heat.” Jon said, getting up and going back to the office.

Jontron and Jacques: 1

Animatronics: 9

“Jon. Are you ok?” Jacques asked. “Oh I am fine and dandy. I only got a goddamn killer robot almost choke me to death. I’m just fine!” Jon replied sarcastically. “Now hey Jacques, buddy, listen. We are up against killer robots, but no need to panic. Everything will be fine. We’ll get through this. We’ll complete the review and come morning, we’re getting the hell out. Now Jacques, if you see anything coming, let me know now."

Jon got back to his seat and resumed watching the move. “Now we cut to Freddy in Japan where we meet the loca…waaa-...” Jon was taken back by what he saw. The locals were a bunch of short, buck-teeth, glasses wearing men who seemed to bow down every 4 seconds. Jon was struggling to figure out what to say.

“That’s racist,” was the only thing Jon’s pet robot bird could say. Inspired by the deduction that even Watson could see coming, Jon began talking. “Uh guys, guys. Is it just me, but Bugs Bunny World War 2 cartoons is probably not the most accurate representation of Japanese people. If it is just me, then I’m probably going to go commit seppuku. In fact!” He pulls out Conan’s sword once more and pressed it on his chest. “I’m going to do it anyway just to be extra sure it’s just me.”

Just then Jon heard laughter. “Jacques thank you. I didn’t think my joke was that funny?” Jon asked. “No you doofus, look beside you,” the robotic bird replied. Jon spotted a little boy animatronic beside him giggling. The animatronic, balloon boy was laughing almost in victory. “Oh god…oh god. We’re boned! We’re boned, Jacques…"



"...for the love of Christ, please shut up.”



Jon grew worried about the other animatronics, especially the chicken one, hearing the laughter and coming to investigate. Jon was scurrying for something, anything that could shut up the inferno laughter.

If he wasn’t in such a blind panic, he would have recognized he had a sword on him. Alas, he took a few seconds of searching, each second feeling like a minute. It so happened he stumbled across a hammer. He smiled. He once used it to smash a plug and play controller. Perhaps it will work against fine against a small animatronic.

“CRACK THIS!” he yelled as he began bludgeoning the balloon boy with the hammer. A hammer, however proved to not so useful against an animatronic. Though the hammer swings dented the exo-skeleton, the balloon by generally held up in the hammering *pun no intended* he was receiving. In fact, he was laughing louder as if he was taking masochist pleasure from the hits.

By now, even Jacques was getting annoyed with the constant especially since he swore he heard something in the hallway. “Let me take care of this” Jacques said, his eyes glowing. The robotic bird fired a laser at the Balloon boy. The laser made contact with the boy animatronic, blowing up his entire head. For reasons unknown, there was a flashlight inside him.

Animatronics: 8

Jontron and Jacques: 1

Jon snatching the flashlight from the robotic corpse of Balloon Boy and flashed the light into the hallways. He found a broken down robotic fox standing in the hallway, teeth barred. It was Foxy. “No, no no no no” he began flashing the light to what one might see as a Morse code. Anyone who studied Morse would have identified the code as “Go fuck yourself, you stupid robot.”

The bright light blinded and made the animatronic fox dizzy. He always was sensitive of bright lights as it made the system restart. Too dizzy from the lights, Foxy decided to head out back to the parts and services place to recover before trying again.

“Alright Jacques, I want you to inform me when something is coming up alright?” Jon asked, handing the flashlight to Jacques. “I’m going to continue the review.” Jon sat back down. However, before he could do anything, both he and Jacques heard a loud stumbling.

“Alright! I hear something! Jacques, can you flash the light?” he asked. Jacques complied and flashed the light around the room while Jon dived for the tablet. Checking the tablet cameras, he saw a blue robotic animatronic crawling in the right vent. It was Toy Bonnie. “Whoa, that is some Die hard type shit right there. Yippee Kiyaee” Jon joked.

Just then his expression and demeanor turned from jokey to terrified as he knew the animatronic was almost to the office. He thought of using the vents or going to the hallway, but he wasn’t completely sure if there were other animatronics thee and he didn’t want to terrify himself any further. He scurried, looking around for somewhere in the office to hide. Unfortunately there wasn’t anywhere to hide beside a closet too narrow for Jon to fit in.

“Jon, Bugs bunny is here” Jacques announced, flashing a light at the right vent. “Oh no no! He can’t be here already. He was just getting to a corner when I saw him! Goddamn it!” he yelled, slamming his fist into the desk. Just then a drawer slid out of place and a Freddy mask launched itself out of the drawer. Jon didn’t hesitate to grab the mask mid-air and jammed his head inside it.

Jon could only shiver and wait for Bonnie. He sincerely hope the mask works because he’s a total goner if it doesn’t work. He could almost feel the robots cold mechanic hand on his neck when Bonnie stood up and went over to investigate the so-called robot. Bonnie moved his head left and right. So far so good, but the robot seemed unnaturally sweaty...

“Beep! Boop! Beep!, I am a robot.” Jon beep booped suddenly out of nowhere, hoping the Freddy mask would fool the robot. Just then Jon felt compelled to do the dance robot. “Billie Jean’s not my lover! She’s just a girl that said I am the one! But the kid’s not my son!” Jontron was dancing and singing like a total loon.

Toy Bonnie looked at the “robot” a bit weirded out. If the Animatronic were to have more expression, the expression he would have would be a "WTF?" Even though Toy Bonnie thought this was a defective, yet unusually fluid robot, it was still a robot nevertheless.

Just as the convinced Toy Bonnie was ready to leave the office, the heat sensors in its endoskeleton blared as his temperature rose. The animatronic rabbit screamed in a mixture of a child’s pain and a robotic roar before combusting into a small explosion that knocked Jon off his feet. Jon furiously patted his back and body, looking for any possible shards.

What had happen was Toy Bonnie in looking at Jon’s weird dancing, was distracted by Jacques, the actual robot in the room. While Bonnies’ head was turned, Jacques timed a perfect laser blast. “Oh, thanks a lot buddy,” Jon said, getting up after his brief self-pat me down. He softly fist pumped the bird. “You’re welcome.”

Animatronics: 7

Jontron and Jacques: 1

Jon proceeds to get back on the chair. The review must go on. “So in Japan, we see Freddy interact with a thankfully much less offensive stereotype, a samurai with a fondness of saying San and Chan in every word. In our world we like to call people like him, Weeaboos.”

“I challenge you Freddy-san to an eating contest.” Said the samurai, pulling out a pizza box. “This is a recipe made by my ancestors-san and carried on from generation to generation in my family.” The samurai opened the box to reveal an unusual pizza. It has cheese and pepperoni on it, but it also contained rice, raw fish and shrimp with seaweed put at random all around the pizza. “This is what they call the Sushi pizza.”

“MM Sushi pizza? How interesting. I think I’ll go try that” Jon said, pulling out a cheese and pepperoni pizza topped with many of the ingredients for sushi, all of the frozen and uncooked. He picked off pizza slice one by and one and began ramming it into his mouth. “oh..oh that is very good” he muttered, enjoying his meal.

By his 5th slice however, Jon was beginning to suffer from nausea. Sushi and hot pizza naturally don’t go together. “Jacques..I..think I’m going to be sick.” Jon muttered. “Please, excuse me, oh and look out for killer robots.” He then raced out of the office with little concern over if there was Animatronics in the hallway or not.

Jon exited the bathroom after spending a good 10 minutes in it. “Oh that is it! Only thing I’m mixing with pizza is cheesecake from now on.” He said to himself as he began to walk back to the office. Just then he heard an eerie radio sound…”J…Jacques, is that you? Are you pulling my leg? ...This isn’t funny Jacques,” He said, just in the slight chance that Jacques was trying to pull his leg.







Jacques walked slowly, looking around everywhere in the main hall for the source of the sound. Jacques heard a roar and ducked, barely dodging an attempted bite. “Whoa!” Jon exclaimed as he took a good look at his attacker. It was a messed up endoskeleton with a white foxy head with pink cheeks and lipstick glaring at him. The Animatronic, known as Mangle roared once again, swinging his or her head in an attempt to bite into his frontal lobe. Jon skirted slightly to his right to avoid it.

Mangle dropped to the floor with a resounding crash. The animatronic glared at Jon with a look that spelled anger and hate. With a mechanical roar, the animatronic lunged and attached itself to Jon’s chest and face much like a hugging alien from a popular horror movie.

“AHH SHIT! JACQUES! AHH!” Jon wrapped his hands around Mangle’s jaws, attempting to keep them closed so mangle wouldn’t chomp on his neck. The Youtuber rammed into the wall several times, hoping to get Mangle off of him. Jon was aware he was making a ruckus around the building. He feared the event that another animatronic would hear him, come to the main hallway and restrain Jon enough to allow Mangle to finish him off.

Eventually the banging on the walls began to pay off as Jon felt Mangles grip on his chest weaken. With a yell, he manages to forcefully push mangle off his chest. He proceeded to toss Mangle off of him. Mangle was ready for round 2 as the broken animatronic chomped his teeth almost like Pac-man.

“Oh you want food eh?” Jon said, pulling out... a piece of reddish meat out of nowhere?



“How about some ham?!” he asked, tossing the slice of ham at Mangle. Mangle at the same time, lunged from the ground once more, jaws open wide, aiming at the gamer’s neck. The piece of ham landed in Mangle’s open maw.

Strangely enough, Mangle rapidly melted. By the time he landed back on the ground, he was reduce to nothing but a puddle of metallic liquid. Jon smirked as he picked up the ham from the metal pool and put it back into his pocket.

Animatronics: 6

Jontron and Jacques: 1

“Jon, I saw the whole thing. Are you ok?” Jacques asked a hint of concern found in his robotic voice as Jon entered the office once more “Ah, I'm fiiine, Jacques. It’s all good. Now, on with the review!” Jon sat back down and resumed watching the movie.

“So Freddy wins because you know, he is a bear and fucking bears eat a lot of shit. Just ask Bambi’s several lost cousins..Oh wait I can’t…cause they’re all dead. So now Freddy is Ital…What. WHAT.” Jon stopped the video as he observed in the map Italy was called U.K. “Oh uh excuse me, how could I be so stupid? What I meant was the U.K.”

Jon then pulled out a history textbook and flipped over to chapter 20. “I remember the battle of 2020 like it was yesterday. Italy was defending their home against England. Despite their brave and valiant efforts, they were no match for the conquering English. Soon England took over and renamed Italy the "United Kingdom." Now as to why England attacked Italy? Well they were tired of USA tourists such as Freddy driving on the goddamn wrong side of the road, that’s what!” Jon explained, tossing the textbook away.

“Now then, Freddy pays for a road ride and I like this part because of the driver. He has blue overalls like Mario, wears a cap like Mario and when he jumped into the boat he jumped in l…ike…Mari…o? Oh yep that’s Mar... that’s Mario- It.. It’s MARIO!!!” Jon stopped the video to gaze at the blatant ripping off of Mario.

“Jesus, first there is Morrigan, and now we have Mario!” Jon voiced. “Remember kids! Today’s letter for the day is M” Jon pulled out a sign saying "M."



“And today’s two words are 'Copyright infringement',” Jon tossed out the M sign in favor for a sign filled with random characters such as Batman, Shrek, Markiplier, Jill Valentine, and Indiana Jones. He showed the picture for a brief moment before tossing it away.

“Alright, now then!” Jon said before the video abruptly became fuzzy. This continued for a several seconds before video came back on. However this video was almost like camera feeds. The video jumped across different camera feeds from different days or years. One was a kid banging on the security guard’s office screaming for help as a purple figured loomed over with a butcher knife, the other was several screams as several people were dragged across the floor by the animatronics.

Jon was speechless at what he saw. The videos was progressively becoming blurry and jumpy, but they still were watchable and filled with increasing number of crying, screaming, and calls for help. He saw a feed of a purple man cornering a different kid in the kitchen, another feed of a crying guard being stuffed into a suit, crying out in sheer pain, and another feed filled with the purple guy staring into a camera, his suit filled with blood presumably with the ones of the children.

Another one was the animatronics looking at the camera directly while caked in blood. The last one was said purple man shaking around in a yellow suit moaning in pain. Just then the video abruptly cut back to the movie Jon was watching. A couple of minutes went by in silence besides the movie. Jacques and Jon didn’t say anything, nor did they seem willing to be the first to speak up. Finally, Jon turned off the television.

“We’re leaving!” Jon said, finally breaking the silence as he began gathering all of the stuff that he brought. “Jacques, I mean it with all sincerely, we cannot stay in this fucking hellhole any longer! Now then buddy, what I want you to do is when we leave this place, is to blow it up! I am not going home until I am satisfied that every brick, every piece of wood is vaporized. FUCK THIS PIZZARIA!!!!”

“So, you want us to go full Event Horizon?” Jacques asked. “Yep. Laurence Fishburne didn’t want to stay after seeing the original crew doing whatever the fuck they were doing to each other. He was like ‘Fuck this shit! Blow it the fuck up and let's go home!’ Who would blame him? I want nothin' to do with this place any longer! And unlike Fishburne, I don’t have a goddamn cenobite Allen Grant to stop m-!”

“Jon!” Jacques screeched loudly, his voice blaring like an alarm system after a burglar sneaked in a house. “LOOK OUT!”



“Look out for what?” Jon asked turning around.

To Be Continued!