By Eric Ross, Ph.D, NCFM Acting President, Greater New York Chapter



The definition of domestic violence by the US Department of Justice (2011) is, in part, as follows:

“We define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone.”

Read it and weep! “Emotional” and “economic”? – Let me clarify that: this spectacularly all-inclusive, “anything your heart desires, honey” feminist definition of what is violence is oftentimes played out in the Family Courts, declaring a man to be the perpetrator of Domestic Violence Abuse (usually shouted in all caps in the Orders of Protection handed out like candy) when his remark or a facial expression allegedly “humiliated” or “intimidated” or “frightened” his gold-digging wife or girlfriend.

Surprised? You thought you knew what violence was! Well, think again. Apparently, there are scores of enterprising law-makers out there from the rank and file of “family and matrimonial” lawyers, concerned with cash flows as more and more lawyers join the ranks, fresh from the conveyor lines of the country’s law schools. (The US has more lawyers than the rest of the world combined.)

They and the scores of no less enterprising gender feminists have redefined you as the abuser, rapist and murderer, based on your genetic differences from those who do not have a penis. In the process, they slated you to surrender at least seventy five (75) percent of your current and future net worth. You didn’t take heed when George Orwell warned you that the new definitions were going to be “War is Peace”, “Freedom is Slavery” and “Ignorance is Strength.” Now, pay the price.

When she declares that he refused to give her the super-sized amounts of money for shopping, entertainment and her night on the town, and he called for moderation in expenses ― it is an “economic” form of DV, “to control her”. If your budget is shrinking or you are unemployed, it does not matter. Your goose is cooked, dude. While you were busily building your American dream, they turned you into a criminal, unbeknownst to you. As George Carlin, comedian extraordinaire said, “It’s called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.” So, here’s your wake-up call: All it takes is her word. And we have a large number of court transcripts to prove it.

Most litigants know little-to-nothing about the fact that the actual Domestic Violence as defined by law involves much more than an unkind word or an occasional absence of a happy grin on your face. It is… actual violence as we all know it, such as pushing and shoving, kicking and scratching ― all the things women often do, and men hardly ever complain about for fear of being ridiculed, or worse ― arrested as if they were the perpetrators. VAWA mandates arrests of men, no matter who committed violence, often even when he is the only injured party. If she slaps you ― leave immediately, if she hits you with a fist or a kitchen implement ― call the police. This “relationship” will never work! Never try to protect yourself unless she’s armed and dangerous, never trade punches. If she made a false allegation against you once, chances are extremely high that she will make them again.

The Family Law gives her numerous incentives to lie and connive. There’s a big pot of gold for her at the end: your property and future earnings. She doesn’t want you, she wants your money. She wants you, but only as her financial slave. There are numerous cash flows from your pocket into the lawyers participating in this farce, as well. They are not going to give up big money they will reap by asserting false allegations, just to assure your child’s happiness. The allegations in the Orders of Protection, which are doled out to women like candy, oftentimes do not rise to the level of violence by a long shot. So, men naively assume that the Judges will see the kind of “nonsense” these allegations are and will treat them as such. So, men often do not take such “off-the-wall” allegations seriously and do not fight them in court ― a major mistake that may ultimately land them in jail, and for a long time.

Men caught up in this crazy-making trust their lawyers. Their lawyers usually get them into much more trouble than there was to begin with. There’s much more money to be made this way by lawyers, judges, prison industry, the family courts’ probation officers, Legal Aid Society lawyers funded by the money funneled through VAWA, and numerous other state actors, when you’re in a sea of trouble. Realize that you are essentially up against the largest racketeering enterprise in the history of the Human Civilization, and that your lawyer may turn out to be your enemy, even when you do your best to manage this professional relationship intelligently, gently but firmly.

Know the law regarding allegations of “domestic violence abuse.” In New York it is the Family Court Act Section 8. Read it top to bottom. Memorize it. Make your teenage son memorize it. It may save your life, and his. Demand that Judges stick to the letter of this essentially criminal law, deliberately “civilized” so as to allow the bottom feeders among the Family and Matrimonial lawyers unlimited abuse of people, such as yourself by the Family Courts, where the Judge is also the Jury and the Prosecutor, and enjoys virtually unlimited discretion, along with absolute immunity.

Do not plea bargain when no physical violence occurred on your part. All of a sudden your beloved Child is your legal “adversary” represented by an extremely hostile Legal Aid lawyer, also secretly assisting your ex, while being paid by the Violence Against Women Act funds and organizations. This Legal Aid monster needs to secure the next year’s budget by raising false statistics of DV. They may illegally threaten you that you will never see your child again unless you admit “guilt”, such as exchanging unkind words with you soon-to-be ex wife, allegedly within an earshot of your Child (it does not matter that the Child was in school at the time of a row, as the court is busily fabricating their own version of reality, to put you, the man, in a house of pain). Read the applicable law. Devour legal cases decided by the Appellate Court in similar circumstances, as if your life depended on it, because it does. Marginalized, criminalized, dehumanized and destroyed financially, about 26,000 American men commit suicide annually.

These “court officers” are getting out of their way to find you guilty of anything, by hook or by crook, often fraudulently. By so doing they want to set you off on a downward spiral of destroying your fatherhood and turning you into a financial slave, while turning your child against you. The courts and the “attorneys for the child” actively participate in alienating your child against you that a vindictive ex may use to spite you. A concerted effort by the Court System against you is the bottom line. There are several forces here at work; each may become the subject of a separate discussion. But the Family Court laws and Court Systems are incentivized top to bottom, to act as described herein.

Unless you put a few miles between yourself and your ex, there will be repeat allegations, the second time over turning into some really serious legal trouble. If you have an outstanding order of protection, you may be jailed just because you parked your car within 100 ft from where she parked in the local Supermarket’s parking lot. Do not let this lynch mob win. Take any allegation, no matter how “off the wall” it may look to you, very seriously.

The process of legal abuse is further incentivized by the Federal Title IV (d) Law, dispensing bonuses to judges for screwing you over to the max. You have a house? – Kiss it goodbye. You have a bank account? – Kiss it goodbye. Kiss goodbye to you future earnings. If you lose your employment and can’t pay the spousal and child support, you go to jail. “Slavery is Freedom.”

Welcome to being a man in America, 2012, my friend.

Domestic Violence Domestic Violence