It’s the most modern of romances: girl sucks on bloody tampon, girl becomes Internet famous, guy ingests a sundae made of ice cream and poop, guy is jealous of girl getting all the attention, guy and girl get “married” on Facebook, guy and girl make three-toed baby. OK, that last part hasn’t happened yet (it will), but the rest, all real.

Let’s start from the beginning.

This is the very NSFW video that turned 15-year-old Giovanna Plowman into a Twitter trend.

It was originally uploaded on YouTube, but once it went viral, the video was taken down for violating user guidelines/common decency. Plowman’s response to not only YouTube’s decision, but the feedback she received:

Mmm, with a mouth and last name like that, she’ll be the belle of so many highway gas station balls. She continued her assault on human dignity on her duck face-heavy Facebook:

Have you ever watched jackass? Fear factor? Jersey shore? I know you all have. Its okay for them to get famous from eating and doing such stupid stuff or being sluts and partying hard. But i eat a tampon and get so much hate? It makes no sense. Just because im a girl and ate something gross and got famous you hate on me? Im a real nice girl. Dont start drama and i have only ever had one boyfriend? Please tell me how im a slut. Smh idgaf about you haters ill shine on with or with out you! (Via)

Dino Bruscia, who months ago filmed himself eating his own sh*t with ice cream, is one of Plowman’s aforementioned h8ers, and he took to Twitter to share his outrage that the tampon-swallower was upstaging him.

#poetry Naturally, soon after he tweeted that, Bruscia and Plowman were engaged on Facebook.

DIBS ON THE VOMIT TROTH FROM THE WEDDING REGISTRY. Kids today, they just don’t have the same kind of class as the 2 Girls, 1 Cup ladies. But at least Plowman has SOME standards:

Save the pillow talk for Bruscia.

(Via Vice) (Via Daily Dot)