The presidential debates: LEAVE BIG BIRD ALONE!!!

Hello all! I apologize for the delay in new posts around here, and I promise that there is another BSG recap on the way. In the mean time though, I had to do this mini post about yesterday’s presidential debates.

Last night I engaged in a little drunk live meme-ing on Instagram (check out my feed for pics! @AmyDetRiotGirl) while watching this mess on TV. The event somehow managed to be both brutal and boring at the same time. Romney smugged up my laptop with his arrogant evasive answers, and Obama just kind of looked like he needed a nap.

However, it wasn’t all yawns and sleeping pills. SHIT GOT REAL when Romney announced that one of his brilliant ideas for budget reform is to fire Big Bird! He even had the nerve to flash that “look out for your pink slip!” grin as he quipped that he “loves Big Bird”… but, screw you public television! (paraphrasing, of course)

Romney thinks we should stop subsidizing PBS. Obviously, this man must have completely bypassed childhood and skipped straight into Mr. Burns-hood because how else can one explain his reckless disregard for all things sacred?

Being the lightening fast meme-er that I am, I got this post up almost immediately after Romney let the double B word out of his mouth:

I was not alone in my conviction that the internet had just found the joke of the night though, and Twitter wasted no time at all in providing the socially connected world with multiple Bird Bird parody accounts. Here are two of my favorites:

posts and pictures via @FiredBigBird

posts and pictures via @BigBirdRomney

Well, today I decided to take the fun a step further and made these:

Mitt Romney would have you believe that 47% of Sesame Street feels entitled to a government handout. While it is true that some of Cookie’s morsels may have been purchased with credit and eventually EBT Cards (he has a problem, ok? Cookie addiction is REAL!) and that Oscar’s cushy tin trash can is brought to him in part by section 8, the majority of Sesame Street are upstanding citizens!

In fact, here’s the real truth of their lives:

They struggle. They save. THEY OCCUPY!

Romney wants to put Big Bird out of job. Well, where will Big Bird go? He hasn’t had to deal with the job market in 43 years! Children’s TV Shows don’t want a middle aged reject from Public Television. They want teenage girls who can sort of act, questionably sing and dance if they’re given hours of rehearsals and plenty of cut away shots. They want Hannah MonLohan! If people want their kids to learn stuff, they should buy them iPads! And lots of expensive apps!

Poor Oscar is clearly afflicted with a compulsive hoarding disorder. He needs Matt Paxton and the Hoarders crew, but the licensing fees involved in that proposition just won’t let him be great. Thus, he needs medical coverage to get the psychological help he so desperately needs. If Romney wins, he’ll repeal Obama Care and then where will Oscar be? I’ll tell you where; drowning in old blunt wrappers, five year old Taco Bell and precious moments gift sets (what? he’s allowed to have a tender side!).

Grover thought that getting a highly specialized degree would finally get him out of his mother’s living room and into his own place, but all it got him was $400,000 in debt. He spends his weekends performing as Super Grover at kids birthday parties for $15 an hour to help pay down his loans. At this rate, if Grover never buys food, he will be debt free in about 35 years.

Bert and Ernie and their adopted rubber ducky are as much a family as anyone else, and they deserve to be recognized as such legally!

I don’t know who this next character is, but I sympathize.

People always assume that The Count is a rich guy. But, come on, this is a guy who spends his days obsessively counting random objects everywhere he goes. Do people with jobs spend all of their waking hours counting melons and puppy dog tails? No, they do not. Besides, do you honestly think a guy like The Count would ever sympathize with a group called the 1%? Imagine him counting for a second; ONE! Mahahaha *awkward pause*

Now, Elmo, on the other hand… this guy IS the 1%. Have you seen Sesame Street in recent years? Elmo’s World takes up more than half the show! Ever since Tickle Me Elmo made him a billionaire, he’s been rubbing it in all the other monster’s faces. Maybe the kids would love Grover or Cookie just as much as Elmo if they were ever given a chance. But no, Elmo can’t let that happen. Elmo needs all the prime time. Elmo loves having the run of the show. Elmo makes the others relevant. ELMO OWNS SESAME STREET!

And last but not least, we have the sad case of Cookie Monster…

Keep checking back with DetRiotGirl for more memes and awesomeness! By the way, I did manage to book work for NY Comic Con (YAY!). However, I’m not sure if I can say who the client is yet. Sometimes companies don’t like their brand ambassadors revealing themselves online, lest anyone thinks my Sesame Street memes reflect the opinion of the brand I’m working with. So, I’ll just say this; my booth has free t-shirts. BOO-YA!

No matter what though, I will do my best to take as many pictures as I can on my breaks and (at the very least) I promise to update my Instagram account faithfully throughout the weekend! You can follow me on Twitter or Instagram @AmyDetRiotGirl on both.

You can also support DetRiotGirl by checking out my support page HERE, or you can skip all those extra words and just give me a dollar by clicking HERE. Or, if you’re feeling slightly more generous, you can donate $5 HERE. I’m currently too broke to buy anything at Comic Con this year; so all financial assistance is appreciated!

I also sell some hand drawn original art on Etsy! You can check that out HERE.