Right now, you might be sitting in a pair of faded boyshorts lined by fraying elastic. That’s cool. I feel that. Laundry is the worst. It does the job. No one is looking. All perfectly valid reasons to wear busted panties. Buying attractive underwear will not change your life. A new pair of boxer briefs will not give you the confidence to ask that pretty barista out for pumpkin spice lattes, or conjure a rom-com meet-cute.

Unlike those magazine writers with health benefits, I’m not going to say dropping ninety dollars on a snatch guard is an investment, because I feel like that’s not what investing means. Since $30 is the most I’ve spent on a pair of underwear and I do fine, these selections are under $30. You will look hot, feel comfortable, and wear them regularly.

Roughly half the lesbians I know wear boys underwear. Ellen Page loves boys underwear so much she wore a T-shirt saying “I wear boys underwear” WHILE deep within the closet, sending out a veiled gay whistle or just being a Cool Girl. I picked androgynous boxer brief, boxers, and boy shorts that are gender neutral. I’m not excluding femmes (see: myself) but girly lingerie has been thoroughly covered by many other women’s websites.

A note on sizing: use your waist size to determine whether you want to buy boys or men’s size. If you’re still not sure, most stores have a size chart. For example, at Hanes, Boys medium fits 23-24” waist, large 25”-26”, and extra large 27-29”. At Calvin Klein, men’s small fits 28”-30”, medium 30”-34”, large 36”-38”, extra large 40”-42”, and extra extra large 44”-46”. At most stores, boys and men’s styles are extremely similar.

Boxer Briefs

1.Boys’ Hanes Ringer Boxer Brief, $11.99 for a pack of 5, Target; 2. Calvin Klein Underwear Cotton Stretch Boxer Brief, $42.50 for 3 pack; 3. “Bobbie” Boxer Briefs for Women, $27.00 at TomboyX; 4. Jockey Big Boys’ 4 Pack Heather Boxer Briefs, Amazon, $17.98 for 4.

Boy Shorts

1. Calvin Klein Classic Logo Boyshort, $22; 2. “Tomboy Short” Briefs for Women, TomboyX, $21.50; 3. Abstract Lace Boy Short, American Apparel, $16.

Boxers

1.Knit Slim Fit Boxer Shorts, $19.00, Calvin Klein; 2.3-Pack Assorted Cotton Knit Boxer Shorts, Fruit of the Loom, $15.40 for 3; Men’s 5-Pack Printed Woven Exposed Waistband Boxers, Hanes Red Label, Amazon, $14.99 for 5.