Dear Pastor,

I am 21. I live with a man who is 55. I have one child. I was living with the child's father but he was very abusive. I met this man on the road. He had stopped and offered me a ride. The sun was very hot. I told him I did not want to because I didn't know him, and I don't take ride from strangers. He told me he was a big man so I did not need to fear. I went into his vehicle and was about to sit at the back. He told me I could come to the front because he was not driving a taxi.

I did not want to tell him the exact address I was going. I told him he could leave me at a place. He insisted he would take me there. He questioned me. I answered and question him too. He told me he had a woman but they were not living together. She comes and goes because she is waiting on her boyfriend to come from Canada to marry her.

He said he was looking around for a woman but, until he finds one, he has to be with this woman. I took his number and he took mine. We called each other every day. I decided that I would try him out so I went to stay with him for a weekend. He didn't allow me to do anything. He cooked and made me feel very happy. By the time I left his house the Sunday night, I had fallen in love with him. It has not been three months since I moved in with him, but he has some dirty habits when it comes to sex. Every time he wants to make love to me he smells my vagina. I asked him why he has to smell me. He says," Nothing, you just turn me on". I told him I don't like that because he is behaving as if I am not clean. He said that should not bother me because even animals smell each other. I told him that we are not animals.

Pastor, I am writing to you to find out if that is normal. I love this man. Since I am with him I am not in need of anything. He is the same age as my father. That used to bother me, but my father met him and didn't say anything to me about his age. What I want to find out from you is whether it is right for this man to smell me.

O.M

Dear O.M.,

I hope this man means you well. I hope that he does not intend to use you, get tired of you and ask you to leave. He is much older than you are. You said he is the same age as your dad. I doubt your father would object to you having him as your lover because he probably believes this man will take good care of you. It is better for you to be an old man's darling than a young man's slave.

What I would suggest you do is make sure that he is being honest with you. Ask him to assist you in going back to school. Do not sit by and waste your time.

I do not encourage women to live in concubinage. However, I understand your financial situation. Your child's father is not helping you so you are happy to receive help from this man. However, do not allow the years to roll by and not improve yourself. Try to empower yourself.

Concerning the sexual habit of this man, I understand why you feel uneasy about it. When he did it a couple times you felt that he wanted to know whether you were clean, but he continues to sniff around. Evidently, he gets kicks out of that type of behaviour. I suppose that can be described as fetishism. I hope this man marries you. In the meantime, I can only say, don't be overly concerned about what he is doing.

Pastor