I’m 25 and I feel confused over what I’m even thinking. I’m diagnosed with schizophrenia but I feel it is wrong. It makes me concerned that I’m diagnosed wrongly… but I’ve received lots of help and am doing better…though I have no idea if medications even help me.

I have no idea what’s wrong with me because I can’t figure out what’s going on in my own head…I say things and I don’t even know if what I say is ‘true’. They’re reducing my medicine, maybe because even the doctors think it’s a wrong diagnosis or they think I’m doing better. I have no idea and I don’t ask. I don’t talk a lot, even when I want to. I feel nothing on reduced medicine, but I can’t say for certain because I don’t know what I’m thinking about. I feel stress over this. I have no thoughts. Nothing exists in my mind, and yet, everything exists there. I think too much and I contradict myself a lot. Contradictions are my life.

I guess the doctors may think I’m sometimes delusional, because I often say I’m not real. This is the truth, though, but I don’t know how to explain it other than I don’t exist as a ‘person’. I can’t explain anything. It makes the doctor frustrated and mad at me because I always say I don’t know to most/all questions. Because nothing exists in my mind? I try and think up what I’m going to say, to explain my ‘thoughts’ and ‘feelings’, and nothing exists there, nothing. My mind is empty nearly all the time.

Sometimes I feel I make up the things I say, just to say something, so people believe I have ‘real’ thoughts and ‘real’ feelings. I feel as if I’m a fake person, and everything I say is false, but how can it be false if it’s everything about myself? I say yes and no to everything. I don’t even know if I have a real mind. I don’t think I do. I think of this a lot, but have no idea if I actually believe in it. I think a lot of things and I ‘think’ I believe in them, but again, I have no idea because I have no stable sense of self. What is this and what should I do?