I regularly lurk on the relationship_advice sub reddit, and this post, and many of the comments really struck me this afternoon.

It’s not that I’m surprised, but just so disappointed at how folks really don’t get that fat women are completely aware that they’re fat and how this is perceived. Like, what rock do you think women live under where we don’t understand how appearances are perceived. That is such a huge aspect of our socialization? Like what?

I just wish folks would be less disingenuous about this topic. He is clearly saying, “other women find me attractive and if she doesn’t lose weight I’ll leave her for these more attractive women. How do I convince her to commit to losing weight so that I can stay in a relationship with her?”

If you don’t want to be in a relationship with her because she’s gaining weight just break up with her. His post makes it clear and obvious that she is already struggling with her weight, but he just doesn’t think that she’s trying “hard enough.” Like, maybe if you tell her how YOU feel about her weight she’ll take it more seriously?

So many comments were suggestions on how to trick her to eat less or start accidentally excercising. And then there are the comments on how to reveal to her how fat she has become. Y’all need to stop confronting people for gaining weight like it’s fucking A&E’s Intervention.

Someone in the comments basically said “your goals for her body are not/cannot be HER goals for her body and of course that did not go well. If someone wants to lose weight or make changes to their body, that’s completely fine. But do y’all realize how toxic it is to coerce someone into losing weight and letting them know that despite all they’ve done in the past, they need to try harder or the relationship is over? This is not how already insecure people develop healthy relationships with their body/food.

I really hope folks can just break up with women that you’re not attracted to anymore instead of doing this ridiculous, bending over backwards to make yourself the victim because “i can’t believe they put me in this position and make ME the jerk by getting fat”