Jimmy Bullard on how he got better coaching in non-League than with Fabio 'Postman Pat' Capello at England



Jimmy Bullard compares ex-England boss Fabio Capello to Postman Pat

The midfielder said he found it very difficult to warm to the Italian

Bullard also says him and midfielder David Bentley would ridicule Capello

The former Fulham midfielder was never capped at international level, but was called up to the squad in August 2008

There was something of the schoolteacher about Fabio Capello, which made him difficult to warm to, let alone talk to. He was a real disciplinarian, a very stern, strict man. I do remember having two very in-depth conversations with him.

The first time was after one training session where we’d been playing on a pitch that was a third of the size of a normal one and I hadn’t really done as much as I’d have liked.

He approached me after the game and said: ‘Jimmy, why aren’t you getting on the ball more?’



VIDEO Scroll down for Jimmy Bullard reveals his best pranks and wind-ups to Sportsmail



Bullard (left) also revealed that he wasn't a fan of Capello strict management during his England reign

‘I’m much better on a bigger pitch,’ I explained. ‘If I’ve got more space to run into then I’ll get on the ball more.’

‘Oh.’

And that was the end of that one.

The other was when we were playing golf at The Grove. There’s a half-decent nine-hole course there and we were all set to tee off. Fabio walked up to me and said: ‘One handicap, huh?’

‘Yeah,’ I replied with a smile. ‘One handicap.’ And he marched off to talk to someone else.

He ran a tight ship and was big on rules. Punctuality was crucial — you could not be late for any meal, training session or team meeting.

Mobile phones were banned from meal-times, room service was banned and we all had to dress appropriately.

Lookalikes: Our mock-up of Fabio 'Postman Pat' Capello, as described by Bullard

The whole squad always had to eat together but we had supper at 7pm, the same time my kids have it. That was never going to last me until the following morning.

BEND IT LIKE BULLARD

BEND IT LIKE BULLARD by Jimmy Bullard is published by Headline Publishing Group at £16.99.



If I was at home and I got peckish later in the evening, I’d go to the fridge and have a bite to eat. But with room service off limits, Fabio left us to starve until breakfast.

That was way too strict for my liking. It would get to about 9pm or 10pm every night and I’d be starving. Something had to be done. So I paid a visit to David Bentley’s room.

Bents was a great lad. The bloke is an absolute wrong ’un, make no mistake about that, but a lot of fun nonetheless. He was always laughing and I mean, always laughing.

I stepped out of my hotel room. There was always heavy security surrounding the England team and I noticed there was a bouncer at both ends of the corridor. I had no idea how we were going to get food in there, but it had to be done because I was starving.

I knocked on Bentley’s door which he immediately opened and he burst out laughing: ‘Wa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!’

‘Bents,’ I said, ‘I haven’t even said anything.’

‘Wa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!’

‘Listen Bents, I’m starving. I’ve got to eat something.’

‘Wa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Funny you should say that. So am I.’

‘How can we eat something?’ I asked him.

‘Leave it to me,’ he said as he called a mate of his.

Within half an hour, there was a knock at the door and Bentley’s mate was standing there with a large McDonald’s brown paper bag full of Big Macs and chips. You f***ing beauty!

Bullard (left) says he was impressed by England's level of ability during training sessions

I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed a Big Mac as much as that one and, given that McDonald’s were an FA sponsor, it’s what both parties would have wanted.

Bentley was also my partner in crime when it came to taking the p*** out of Mr Capello. I remember looking at the gaffer on my first day and thinking, ‘I can’t believe how much he looks like Postman Pat; it’s him!’ The only thing that was missing was the black and white cat.

Because I was new to that whole environment, I didn’t want to make too much of my discovery so I did it on the sly and used it as an icebreaker, letting some of the boys know that we had a TV personality running the show.

Bentley obviously loved it — ‘Wa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!’ — and when we were on the team coach, we sat at the back and started singing the Postman Pat theme tune.

A few of the boys joined in — I think Rio, Ashley Cole and Jermaine Jenas might have had a quiet little sing-along — but most of the other dry lunches weren’t really up for it.

Another daft scheme Bents and I came up with was seeing who could say ‘Postman Pat’ as loudly as possible within earshot of the gaffer.

GANGSTERS AT TRAINING

Michael Chopra was a serious gambler. So serious he owed a bunch of gangsters about £150,000.

One morning, this shifty-looking character came to training. He looked a right handy b******.

The gaffer called security, who moved the gangster on, but he waited across the road. After training, I was standing behind Chops when this bloke reappeared, grabbed Chopra by the neck and said: ‘Are you Chopra?’

Quick as a flash, Chops replied: ‘No, it ain’t f****** me, mate, it’s him over there,’ and pointed to our left back, Aaron Cresswell.

‘It is you, you cheeky b******,’ said the gangster, tightening his grip. ‘Get my money back.’

‘OK, I’ll get it,’ said Chops.

The club gave him a huge loan to pay off his debts, on the condition he went into therapy for his gambling.

Bullard (right) and Danny Murphy were once told off by then-Fulham boss Roy Hodgson for laughing

I’d walk past Capello and say ‘Postman Pat’ out of the corner of my mouth, but Bentley took it to another level when he would walk straight up to the boss and scream ‘Postman Pat!’ in his face before adding ‘And his black and white cat!’ for good measure.

Bentley had just as much front on the training pitch. Capello set up a training exercise in which he sent three players out wide to put crosses into the penalty area.

He asked David Beckham, Stewart Downing and Joe Cole to do the honours but Bents just followed them to the far side of the pitch.

‘No,’ Capello shouted to Bentley. ‘Just three, you come back.’

But Bentley was having none of it.

‘Leave it out, send one of them back,’ he told Capello. ‘This is my game. I’m one of the best crossers in the country!’

Pair of jokers: Bullard said David Bentley (centre) was his partner when ridiculing Fabio Capello

I never felt Fabio gave the boys a lot of direction. For starters, his English was poor and it was very difficult to understand what he was going on about most of the time.

The only thing he said that stuck was: ‘Let’s all attack together, let’s all defend together.’

Not terrible advice, but when I remembered that this was inter-national football, the pinnacle of the game, I thought it was just a little bit basic. To be frank, I’d had better coaching when I was playing non-League.

The other problem was that the man-management side of things didn’t really exist either.

I was called up by England twice. Once for World Cup qualifiers against Andorra and Croatia and later for a friendly against Germany. When I first arrived at The Grove, at no point did Fabio put his arm around me or welcome me into the fold.

I never felt particularly loved and he just seemed harsh and stand-offish. A few times he mentioned to me that I shouldn’t run beyond play and that I should sit back and provide a supporting role instead.

Bullard was critical of Capello's grasp of the English language during their time together

But, other than that, he never really asked me to play in any particular position or style. From the coaching side of things, it was ever so slightly disappointing.

I was invited back to Wembley for England’s final World Cup 2010 qualifying game against Belarus, as the FA had decided to ask everyone involved in the whole campaign to join in with the celebrations as England had made it to South Africa. Except it wasn’t the sort of knees-up that I was used to.

We had a sit-down meal before the game and a glass of champagne in the dressing room afterwards. I don’t remember it that well, but I’m fairly sure my first birthday party was wilder than that.

But that’s part of the story with the England team. It lacks that relaxed club atmosphere where most team-mates are comfortable in each other’s company. With England, there’s a lot of awkwardness as, in my experience, most of the players are not that close.



There was one bizarre situation before a team meeting where a few of us were crowded round a laptop watching a funny video. Out of nowhere, someone flicked on some porn. There we were, England players about to go to an important tactical meeting, watching a porno like a bunch of teenagers.

Pinpoint precision: Bullard was called up on three occasions following his displays for Fulham

All of a sudden, Fabio walked in and someone flung the computer on the floor while the rest of us instantly dispersed. We acted like kids, perhaps because Capello made us feel like kids.

Those little moments of daft rebellion were never enough though, because when you spend a week or two at a time with people to whom you’re not that close, it can be mentally tough.

I loved the training, but certainly didn’t enjoy being cooped up in a hotel for days and weeks at a time.

The most senior England players never get a break from that goldfish-bowl pressure either. They can go two years straight without a proper, long break, which can’t be good for them, or the national team.

I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy the England experience because I really did. It was beyond my wildest dreams to be part of the squad and, without a doubt it was the best moment of my career.