Leader of self-governing Chinese territory says she was ‘very disappointed’ that details of private meeting were leaked.

Embattled Hong Kong leader Carrie Lam said she had caused “unforgivable havoc” by igniting the political crisis engulfing the city and would quit if she had a choice, according to an audio recording obtained by Reuters news agency.

Lam told a closed-door meeting with businesspeople last week that she had “very limited” room to resolve the crisis because the unrest had become a national security and sovereignty issue for China amid rising tensions with the United States.

“If I have a choice,” she said, speaking in English, “the first thing is to quit, having made a deep apology.”

In a press conference on Tuesday, Lam told reporters that she has never considered submitting her resignation to Beijing, adding that she was very disappointed that details of a private meeting were leaked.

“The choice of not resigning is my own choice,” she said, acknowleding that “sometimes at private meetings, I shared personal thoughts.”

In the earlier recording, Lam’s dramatic and at times anguished remarks offer the clearest view yet into the thinking of the Chinese leadership, as it navigates the unrest in Hong Kong, the biggest political crisis to grip the country since the Tiananmen Square protests of 1989.

Hong Kong has been convulsed by sometimes violent protests and mass demonstrations since June, in response to a proposed law by Lam’s administration that would allow people suspected of crimes on the mainland to be extradited to face trial in Chinese courts.

The law has been shelved, but Lam has been unable to end the upheaval.

Protesters have expanded their demands to include complete withdrawal of the proposal, a concession her administration has so far refused. Large demonstrations rocked the city again over the weekend.

Lam suggested that Beijing had not yet reached a turning point. She said Beijing had not imposed any deadline for ending the crisis in the run-up to National Day celebrations scheduled for October 1.

And she said China had “absolutely no plan” to deploy People’s Liberation Army troops on Hong Kong streets.

Sovereignty, security level

World leaders have been closely watching whether China would send in the military to quell the protests, as it did a generation ago in Beijing, in the bloody Tiananmen crackdown.

Lam noted, however, that she had few options once an issue had been elevated “to a national level,” a reference to the leadership in Beijing, “to a sort of sovereignty and security level, let alone in the midst of this sort of unprecedented tension between the two big economies in the world.”

In such a situation, she added, “the room, the political room for the chief executive who, unfortunately, has to serve two masters by constitution that is the central people’s government and the people of Hong Kong, that political room for manoeuvring is very, very, very limited.”

Three people who attended the meeting confirmed that Lam had made the comments in a talk that lasted about half an hour. Reuters obtained a recording of at least 24 minutes of the talk.

The meeting was one of a number of “closed-door sessions” that Lam said she has been doing “with people from all walks of life” in Hong Kong.

Responding to Reuters, a spokesman for Lam said she attended two events last week that included business people, and that both were effectively private.

“We are therefore not in a position to comment on what the chief executive has said at those events,” the spokesman said. Lam is due to speak to the media on Tuesday morning.

‘Too huge to pay’

China’s Hong Kong and Macau Affairs Office, a high-level agency under China’s cabinet, the State Council, did not respond to questions submitted by Reuters.

China’s State Council Information Office did not immediately respond to questions from Reuters.

The Hong Kong protests mark the biggest popular challenge to the rule of Chinese President Xi Jinping since he took power in 2012.

Xi is also grappling with an escalating strategic rivalry with the US and a slowing economy.

Tensions have risen as the world’s two biggest economies are embroiled in a tit-for-tat trade war.

Disagreements over Taiwan and China’s moves to tighten its control in the South China Sea have further frayed relations between Beijing and Washington.

Lam’s remarks are consistent with a Reuters report published on Friday that revealed how leaders in Beijing are effectively calling the shots on handling the crisis in Hong Kong.

The Chinese government rejected a recent proposal by Lam to defuse the conflict that included withdrawing the extradition bill altogether, three people with direct knowledge of the matter told Reuters.

Asked about the report, China’s Foreign Ministry said that the central government “supports, respects and understands” Lam’s decision to suspend the bill.

The Global Times, a nationalistic tabloid published by the Communist Party’s official People’s Daily, denounced it as “fake.”

The protests in Hong Kong have expanded to include demands for democracy [Kin Cheung/AP]

As protests escalated, Lam suspended the bill on June 15. Several weeks later, on July 9, she announced that it was “dead.”

That failed to mollify the protesters, who expanded their demands to include an inquiry into police violence and democratic reform. Many have also called for an end to what they see as meddling by Beijing in the affairs of Hong Kong.

The tone of Lam’s comments in the recording is at odds with her more steely public visage. At times, she can be heard choking up as she reveals the personal impact of the three-month crisis.

“For a chief executive to have caused this huge havoc to Hong Kong is unforgivable,” she said.

Lam told the meeting that the leadership in Beijing was aware of the potential damage to China’s reputation that would arise from sending troops into Hong Kong to quell the protests.

“They know that the price would be too huge to pay,” she said.

“They care about the country’s international profile,” she said. “It has taken China a long time to build up to that sort of international profile and to have some say, not only being a big economy but a responsible big economy, so to forsake all those positive developments is clearly not on their agenda.”

But she said China was “willing to play long” to ride out the unrest, even if it meant economic pain for the city, including a drop in tourism and losing out on capital inflows such as initial public offerings.