I haven't spent much time on this website, but from what I can gather, this is a familiar story. Nevertheless, I feel like sharing my experience, even if it is mainly venting.



WARNING: Long post ahead. Please buckle up.



Since I was in high school, I've always had the lofty goal of working in federal law enforcement. I say "goal" and not "dream" because I did not just have this as an idle fantasy; I focused most of my efforts through high school and college on that objective. I made a point to never get in trouble, never do drugs, steal, etc. I've seriously never had as much as a speeding ticket for my entire high school and never a single drunken night in college.



I graduated with honors this past May, and I'd been in the application process with the agency of my choice for the past year or so. Everything had gone smoothly up until the polygraph... According to the agents I was in contact with, I was one of three candidates out of about a thousand from my area who made it to that step, although I have no idea how much faith I place in that anymore. I honestly wouldn't trust a word any of them said at this point.



My only experience with polygraphs came from a forensic psychology course I took in college, which basically spent a whole unit debunking the science behind the polygraph, basic ways to defeat it, etc. The course actually mentioned this website, but I never took the time to visit. A post on officer.com advised me to "not worry about it," and to "just go in and answer honestly without trying to prepare. It's not the kind of test you can or should study for."



Boy, was that bad advice.



Before hooking me up to the big scary machine, the examiner asked what I knew about polygraphs and the ways to beat them. I told him about my course, and he seemed satisfied.



He gave me examples about the types of questions I'd be facing, and when talked about questions like "is today Tuesday," I responded with "Oh, right. Control questions." I had no idea this phrase was a red flag to a polygraph examiner; my major in college dealt with human subjects research, and I am very familiar with basic research concepts. As he was supposedly familiar with my file, he should have known this as well... but apparently this still seemed suspicious to him. We'll get to that.



I never got past the first block of questions, consisting of major crimes (murder, arson, etc) and workplace integrity. I followed every instruction, stared at the wall and answered the examiner's questions.



I knew something was up when he started having me answer the same questions again, but this time "in my head." After that, he had me repeat the last word of the question, plus my answer. Each time, he paused for a greater and greater length of time. Finally, he asked me to go sit in the lobby while he "took some notes."



Forty-five minutes later, he opens the door again, and I am immediately facing down somebody in interrogator mode. None of his previous friendliness was there - his body language and tone of voice indicated a drastic shift in the persona he was projecting. He sat two inches away from me in a chair, looked me dead in the eye, and said:



"I don't appreciate being cheated. You aren't following my instructions. I know with 100% certainty that you're using tactics to beat my test."



I actually laughed. I thought he was kidding. He wasn't.



"Your whole chart is filled abnormal physiological data, and that indicates you're trying to cheat me. I can tell just by watching your body language."



After repeated insistence on my part, he finally shared what I was doing. Apparently, the combination of my breathing and the way my lips were touching was "absolutely 100% indicative of somebody trying to cheat the test."



"Just tell me where you learned these techniques. I understand that you've probably spent a lot of time online reading this stuff. This isn't the end of the line for you if you just come clean with me, but if you aren't honest with me, this is it. You're either using false information you found online, or employing transcendental meditation techniques"



I told him I didn't appreciate being called a liar. I told him that I would not admit to something I was not doing.



"You're telling me that you're breathing like that unconsciously? Give me a break. The chances of somebody just accidentally touching their lips together like that AND breathing like you are almost zero."



Looks like the odds were against me.



I was sitting in the chair, as relaxed as one could be, answering the questions about topics I had absolutely no emotional attachment to, and this was the result.



After the whole process, he told me that he still had to send the data to D.C., and that they "didn't appreciate cheaters." He then proceeded to tell me that I'd be blacklisted from all future federal law enforcement jobs because I was "cheating."



Whether that is true or not, I just could not believe my experience. Not once in my life has anybody ever accused me of lying and cheating, and it really got me livid.



Blacklist or no, I just cannot see myself in a career that relies upon such quackery as a hiring milestone. I have lost complete faith in the individuals I held up as heroes throughout my entire childhood, and the thought sickens me.



So why did this happen? I have absolutely no idea. My natural breathing pattern is very slow and light, and I am an avid marathoner, with a resting heart rate of 44BPM. That is the only thing I can think of. I was very calm and relaxed through the whole process, both physically and mentally.



I am simply frustrated to have wasted so much of my life pursuing this career, only to get the door slammed in my face by some witch doctor with a heart rate monitor.



Thank you for letting me vent.



Ironically, when my inquisitor was grilling me on where I learned my supposed techniques, he brought up this website and reminded me of its existence. So, if you're reading this, thank you for opening my eyes to just how backward our world still is.