I hate it when people call me a lady. At my girls’ school, when the teachers used to holler, “Keep to the left, ladies!” , I preciously exclaimed: “I’m not a lady, I’m a citizen.” My deep mistrust of any sort of nobility was drummed in from an early age. In our house the only thing worse than the nobs in the House of Lords were the bishops. The idea that an entitled, unelected class or religion had a role in our democracy was anathema.

Even after the reforms of the 1990s that saw the Lords turn mostly into a place for old MPs and good eggs, I remained steadfast in my criticism. While many had merit, that merit seemed to have some serious crossover with being mates with politicians.

Maybe it’s my age, or the fact that I’ve become an establishment shill, but my attitude to those who walk the red carpet of Westminster is softening. Just as the Daily Mail has done the opposite about-turn, it is a completely fair criticism to say that I have started to see the need for the House of Lords at the exact moment they started to agree with what I think. I’m a total glory supporter, I’m the Manchester United fan who lives in Chiswick, and I’m absolutely fine with that.

Earlier this week, the Lords defeated the government on an amendment that will give MPs the power to stop the UK from leaving the EU without a deal. They also voted through a plan requiring ministers to report on the steps they are taking to negotiate a continued EU-UK customs union. Jacob Rees-Mogg predictably tweeted: “Labour and Lib Dem peers vote to give themselves a veto on Brexit. What about democracy?”

Unlike Rees-Mogg’s father, my dad was never in the Lords, so perhaps he knows some noble secrets I don’t. But I’m fairly certain that what happened was that the Lords gave us MPs a chance to vote in the event of a “no deal” situation. Perhaps I like the Lords now because they are saying what I was raised to think: that the House of Commons is the only real representation of the people. They are trying to invest a stunted, weak and indecisive House of Commons with the power to do what is best for our constituents.

Today the House of Commons finds itself a hung parliament, where the power of a pressure group and fears of positions stunt proceedings. The current feral nature of our politics means elected parliamentarians can find their minds clouded by fear – not of defeat at the ballot box, but reprisals from an angry online mob or, at the moment, their own political parties. Never before has there been quite such a need for cool heads who are not bothered about their careers and their particular allegiances. The Lords are not saying they want us to stay in the EU, or that they will use their power to force it: they are dealing in the details of how we leave, and thank God someone is. One baroness who is a former MP once commented to me that in the Lords the quality of the debate was better but that there was no adrenaline. Today, it feels as though quantity is all that matters in the Commons, and so perhaps an unelected chamber troubled with quality isn’t such a bad thing.

As they are currently enjoying the rock star status of actually achieving something in parliament, I spoke to more members of the Lords this week than I normally do. Every single one, from pretty much every party, all said the same thing: that they wanted to give the Commons a chance to properly consider the customs union, and to give them a chance to vote against a possible disaster. They all also said that when it is our turn to vote on their suggestions, they will respect the collective decision of MPs, and only the votes that lose by the slimmest of majorities will ever get another going over at their end of parliament. What I heard was a group of people who knew their place, and who revere democracy above all else.

When the revolution comes I will still be tearing up the ermine and painting over the gold with a nice magnolia. I do not believe power can be bestowed, no matter how good you are at science, or who your dad was. But for now I fight the war in front of me, and it seems I have some very unlikely allies.

• Jess Phillips is the Labour MP for Birmingham Yardley