A politically-active amoeba took to cable news networks today to express its gratitude to the #AllLivesMatter movement for ensuring it is not forgotten in the ongoing debate about police shootings and the undue influence of race that may be playing a role.



“Thank you for broadening the focus of #BlackLivesMatter to consider all forms of biological life, regardless of the degree of sentience involved or the relative needs and suffering of any particular group.”

Its satisfaction was short-lived, however, as a new movement supported by short strands of RNA and certain crystalline structures took the spotlight with a call that #AllReplicatingEntitiesMatter.

The single-celled organism, which maintains those involved are motivated solely by bigotry, wasted no time in issuing an accusatory response.

“This is nothing but a transparently cynical ploy to silence genuine lifeforms that need oxygen to survive, whereas they have no such concerns to contend with.”