Riding shotgun as his wife drove through Illinois on the way home Wednesday, Jerry Kill kept in close contact with his former colleagues at Rutgers.

Kill announced his retirement and left his post as Rutgers offensive coordinator due to health concerns on the eve of National Signing Day, but he still wanted -- rather needed -- to confirm that all players he recruited in the class of 2018 sealed the deal.

Finishing the job and giving maximum effort is the only way Kill knew how to coach during a 34-year career -- and it is the reason he can't do it any longer.

"I was probably not supposed to do what I was doing in the middle of the year," Kill said. "But I said, 'I'm not going to go out that way. I'm going to finish.'"

Kill, who suffers from epileptic seizures, opted for a quiet retirement -- the antithesis of his raw goodbye as Minnesota head coach in 2015 --but spoke 1-on-1 to NJ Advance Media about his experience at Rutgers and his health.

"I had several seizures throughout the season," Kill, 56, revealed. "It's hard for me, but when I say retired that doesn't mean I'm going to lay around on the beach. I don't want nobody to feel sorry for me. I've lived a blessed career."

One year ago, an optimistic Kill left his job as a football administrator at Kansas State to return to coaching, believing he could manage his epilepsy against the lighter workload of an assistant coach. He suffered his first seizure in nearly two years after taking a tumble on the sideline during the second game of the season and missed time behind the scenes thereafter.

"I've been doing good here for the last 10 days or so," Kill said. 'Through the middle of the year, I had a few situations after I hit my head on the turf. They were serious enough that (doctors) wouldn't let me fly.

"I drove 13 hours to Illinois, called a game, turned around and drove all the way back, and was at a meeting on Sunday. Michigan and Penn State, too. Those things wore me out. When I get tired, that's when I have the issues that I have."

Kill, 56, expressed an in-season desire to return to Rutgers but said about four doctors and his wife Rebecca -- who was a part of the program and recruiting, too -- shared the same opinion: He needed to retire again.

"When you have so many, you start to lose your short-term memory and that's an issue," Kill said. "It's hard to coach football and not be able to think quick. You weigh all that in, and I kept trying to find a doctor who would tell me I could."

Kill's knowledge and experience came at just the right time for Rutgers and second-year coach Chris Ash who was coming off a 2-10 debut season and cleaning up team discipline issues.

"His contributions run way deeper than what a scoreboard says," the defensive-minded Ash said. "He helped me in a lot of ways, just the way he looked at things. And I knew I could go to sleep with him handling the offensive staff a certain way."

'Going out my way'

Ash has a dress code for his staff when in the Hale Center: No blue jeans and no hats.

So when Kill walked into a team meeting last week wearing jeans and cowboy boots and carrying a hat, it was a pretty sure indication something was amiss.

"I'm an old country boy, so I said, 'To hell with this,'" Kill said, laughing.

"I put my on jeans and boots and my Rutgers shirt. I had my hat on the table and when coach gave me the floor I put my hat on and said, 'Guys, I've done it the right way, and I'm going out my way.'"

Leaving under his own terms always had been important to Kill, who felt robbed of the opportunity after his abrupt midseason retirement at Minnesota. He was working 12-hour days at Kansas State and felt ready to return to the field.

"Football is an addiction," Kill said. "I wanted to give it one more shot because I felt like I could. I hadn't had any (seizures). Chris and (athletics director) Pat Hobbs knew what chances they were taking. I told them. I didn't lie. I felt like I could do it. The grind and the long hours, my body just doesn't react to that anymore. It's just different coaching football."

Rutgers ranked near the bottom of the nation in scoring offense, total offense and passing offense but squeezed out a school-record-tying three Big Ten wins as Kill seemed to have a knack for the right call to the right playmaker at crucial times.

"I feel bad that I couldn't finish the next two years on my contract," Kill said, "but at the same time I feel like the program got better, we won three Big Ten games, and I will always have a special memory in my heart because not many people get to say you started your career at the lowest level (high school), worked all the way to the top, and finished where they started college football (Rutgers)."

A source told NJ Advance Media that the two sides could explore opportunities for Kill to maintain a relationship with Rutgers in the future, but that could just be one of Kill's many off-field options.

"I just have to find out what's best for my family: Who do I do it with?" Kill said. "I haven't counted anybody out. It hasn't taken very long for my phone to ring. The most important thing is I can't jump back to work tomorrow. I need some time."

Rutgers, recruiting and relentless work



Time is what Rutgers needs too, Kill says.

The 2014 Big Ten Coach of the Year considers himself a program-builder. It's the reason he was attracted to the challenge at Rutgers over other offers. He sees a bit of his younger self in Ash.

"The assistant coaches at Rutgers work their butt off," Kill said. "No one could ever say that they don't give every ounce to the game. Coach Ash is the same way: He. Works. Hard. That's who he is. You have to when you take programs over."

Days like Wednesday --when Rutgers signed a consensus Top 40 recruiting class -- are the key.

"The recruiting classes, as they go forward, have to be really good," Kill said. "You have to get kids that want to be there. You don't want to beg players to go. When you have to guarantee them, 'You are going to play first year or this and that,' you can't do that. You have to get guys that want to be there because they will play harder and embrace the culture and the change."

Kill frequently drew similarities between Ash's second season at Rutgers with his first in charge at Minnesota, when the team went 3-9. The Gophers finished 8-5 in Years 3 and 4.

"Hard work can get you a long way, but it's the quality of work and where you approach it and spend time on it," Kill said. "The bottom line is the kids gave us great effort this year. It always comes down to the talent base has to continue to improve.

He continued, "The people at Rutgers have to understand that's going to take some time. To win three Big Ten games, people think that's easy to do. That's not easy to do."

Rutgers is in search of a ninth offensive coordinator in nine years.

"What Jerry did here was bring players together," said Rutgers offensive line coach A.J. Blazek, whose father was a high school football coach who had a longtime relationship with Kill. "A lot of the attitude and effort we talk about, that's Jerry Kill to the core. His impact this past year was big for our program."

Down to the last moment when Kill stood in front of Rutgers players and shared a personal warning story of how not maintaining healthy lifestyle habits forced him into retirement.

"I kind of gave them an example of what not to be," Kill said. "I told them thank you for one of the best years of my coaching career. I loved the staff I worked with. We had some down moments, but there is a lot more to football. What was neat was when I got done, kids came down and shook my hand and hugged me. That meant a whole lot to me. Then I was done.

"I'm headed down the road and we'll see what the future brings."

Ryan Dunleavy may be reached at rdunleavy@njadvancemedia.com. Follow him on Twitter @rydunleavy. Find NJ.com Rutgers Football on Facebook.