I never saw myself as the kind of woman who could ‘dominate’ a man. I’m very awkward, have approximately zero confidence when trying new sex things – I tend to fumble and laugh my way through them like a total idiot – and always take on the submissive role if I’m given half the chance. Being in a relationship with an open and adventurous person has gradually warmed me to the idea of taking control, though. We’d started off small – I’d tied his wrists and ankles to the bed, blindfolded him and then gradually things built up from there.

While pure terror in the first few moments often rendered me mute, once my worries about screwing it all up and looking like a fool wore away, I started really enjoying playing a more dominating role. Sometimes you just don’t even know yourself.

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The conversation

Crossing that initial bridge then led us to broadening our sexual horizons in other ways and as my boyfriend is quite - how to put this - anally curious (he loves anything up there), next-level butt stuff was very much On The Cards. We’d had anal sex a fair bit at the start of our relationship and had always messed about with butt toys – our go-tos being classic anal beads and vibrating butt plugs.

CouCou Suzette

So, perhaps unsurprisingly, when I suggested pegging, he didn’t even think about it. “Yeah, I’m SO up for that,” he said when I gently asked if we could try it out.

Pegging, for those who don’t know, is (traditionally) where a woman wears a strap-on dildo to anally penetrate a male partner. NBD.

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The preparation

I’d been kindly sent a beginner’s strap-on and harness, and fortunately for us utter novices, the dildo involved was a small 5 inches, very flexible and not too girthy. As I took it out of the packaging and saw it could fit comfortably in the palm of my hand, I was, rather arrogantly, thinking, “I could rock that”.

Honestly though, I was nervous. And flooded with the usual feelings of self-doubt – Will I actually do it right? What position should we be in? Will I feel like an absolute buffoon when I see myself with a penis? Will he laugh at me? At the same time, I was trying to balance this desire to have new and enjoyable experiences. Needless to say, that strap-on hung, unworn, on the back of my bedroom door for a full week. Every time I left the room, I saw it swinging there by the harness, gently mocking me. “Not today Satan,” I’d think. “I’m not quite ready for you yet.”

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Then one Friday night, we’d got home after a post-work glass of wine. “Are you going to put that on and fuck me or what?” he said, eyeing the door. And whether it was his cavalier attitude or the two units swishing about inside me, the fear was gone. I’d previously worked myself up about everything from what outfit would best compliment the damn strap-on to what other sex acts would be a suitable accompaniment to a good pegging. Now, I was feel pretty chill about the whole thing.

The actual pegging

We made out before I steered him to sit on a chair and sucked his cock until he was just about to come. I very cautiously unhooked the strap-on from the door of shame and slipped my legs into it. Tip for anyone pegging the first time: try that baby on beforehand. Having been helped into it by my colleagues a week before, much to their amusement and horror, I knew what leg to put through which strap. It minimised the potential cringe down the line.



From the look on his face, I knew he didn’t want me to stop.

Avoiding my bedroom mirror because I was just not emotionally ready for the sight of myself avec penis, I asked which position he thought would he most comfortable for him. He laid down on his back, with his knees bent while I positioned myself in between. Not wanting to go straight in there with the strap-on, we fooled around for a bit with A LOT of lube and a small butt plug. And when he was ready, he let me know.

Holding the end of the strap-on, I guided it very slowly into his butt with my hand. The now incredibly obvious thing I didn’t consider was that as this penis was not my legit anatomy, I wouldn’t be able to feel a thing. I wouldn’t know how deep I was going or whether I was keeping it at the right angle. At first, there was some very on-brand fumbling and a few “oops, soz” moments from me as I entered him. But once he gave me the nod and said it all felt good and comfortable, I relaxed.



Sofie Birkin

I just kind of copied how men fuck when they’re on top, and thought about what I knew felt good to receive in that position. Taking it suuuper slow, I thrusted in and out. And from the look on his face, I knew he didn’t want me to stop. Next, I tried leaning back on my heels so I could fully see the strap-on gliding in and out. He let out a low moan and I could feel him moving into me, pulling me closer so I was fucking him deeper. It made me instantly wet.

As I quickened my thrusting, I leant forward, leaving enough room between us for him to gently stroke his penis. At this angle, the harness was rubbing against my clit and with each forward motion felt more intense. He began masturbating quicker, and harder, and I felt myself nearing the edge of an orgasm. “I’m gonna come,” he panted.

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Lying there afterwards, I snuggled up to him. Whenever you try something new, and especially something that puts your partner in an incredibly vulnerable position, it’s important to get the aftercare down. “How did you find that?” I asked. “How did it feel, are you okay?” The dopey post-orgasm grin on his face pretty much said it all.

I hadn’t come. When he’d said he was close, I instantly became so self-aware that my mind was very much not on my orgasm. But that didn’t matter at all. We’re all so obsessed with orgasm and often make it the ‘end-goal’ of sex when really it’s the getting there that’s the most fun. Putting pressure on ourselves and each other to climax adds unnecessary pressure to what should be a fun and enjoyable experience.

Would I do it again?

Cringe as it sounds, something as intimate as pegging – if you communicate properly and it’s consensual – can really make you closer. He’d been put in position of extreme vulnerability and trusted me to take control. It was weirdly heart-warming. Plus, watching him masturbate as I fucked him was really, really hot.

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