My best friend and I are building a business together. While the concept itself is still under construction, the people we want to help is quite clear for us. So yesterday we went to a library to interview some people looking into the nuances of our Customer Profile. Initially, we were promising to take 5 minutes of their time but as they were sharing their story, we could go up to twenty minutes with one single person. It didn’t bother us, we actually loved it.

The questions we made brought them back to the year they decided what career to pursue and the journey after that. Most people started sharing their story with shame as we were strangers to them. But using some rapport and empathy, we managed to get them confortable and more and more came out.

The main insight I had happened when I realized that even though we were amazed by their stories, most of them weren’t. We saw so much beauty in their adventures and choices, but they couldn’t, at least they didn’t share it that way. For them, it was more of the same.

Then I started wondering, how could I see beauty in the things they were telling me? No judgement about how they couldn’t do it because if I succeed in understanding how it works for me, maybe it can work for them. I found out then two crucial elements:

- I was looking for beauty: even though, my goal was to collect data, I am always open to see beauty. The friends that lived with me for the past year constantly laughed with me when going to work. First thing I did when stepping outside the building was to look up to the sky, raise my arms and scream “What a beautiful day!” It was a constant joke among us but you get the idea. Because I started appreciate small things, it becomes easier and easier to see beautiful patterns where most people see ordinary things.

- I was an observer: when people were telling me their stories I was not judging how out of shape they were or how awkward that thing they did was (something that we normally do to ourselves). I was just paying attention. I was not clouding my view of their stories with negative thoughts and that allowed me to see the surprising twists in their lives, jaw dropping from time to time and being in awe when noticing how one small thing can define your whole life (like the 35 year old guy that built a career in music because his father gave him a flute when he was seven and since them he knew his passion).

Now, imagine if everybody could see their lives with so much excitement?

For me the recipe is clear and lie in the two insights above: get used with seeing beauty in ordinary things and step out of judgement and watch your life. To help you put them in practice here you have some tips.

Make a list of things you are grateful for: gratitude is like a muscle. For it to be strong the whole time you need to develop it as in a work out. So every night, before sleeping, make a list of things that you are grateful for. Writing helps but you can as well just do it mentally, reliving the moments you are thankful for. With time, you will actually be grateful in the very moment those things happen. A tip on this: don’t destroy it by thinking “I’ll write about this tonight!” Just feel it right there. Stay with the feeling: if need to come back to your mind when you are doing you list it will. Do a monthly review: to connect the dots in the long term, you also need to start small. By the end of every month, wrap up what it was about. There are tons of way to do that but at least make sure you write down: a list of the main things that happened (even movies that you watched and touched you somehow), your main learning points, the people and things that you are grateful for and why and your main intentions for the next month. Forgive yourself: talk to yourself in a loving way and let it go of the mistakes you might have made. Understand that you are human and as you are subject to fail, you are also capable of learning. Meditate: I will write more about this soon, but one thing that meditation helps you with is detaching yourself from your thoughts. The better you do it, the more calm you get, being able to see your life with more clarity. Tell yourself your story: this is my personal favorite. Choose a way to tell yourself your story. You can write, draw, record audio notes etc. Take time one of these afternoons and tell it all, since you were born till the day you are doing it. The way I chose was recording it. It was a moment that I felt particular lost and to have the time and opportunity to recollect all the blessings I received and the challenges I faced totally backed me up. It remembered me that, whatever I was living, it was just one chapter in an already rich story.

Of course there are many ways to fall in love with your own story. With me, I believe it was basically connecting the dots and realizing that the initial odds for my life were way worse than it actually turned out to be. Then I started analyzing how this happened, which decisions, mine or other’s, led to this point. And, dude, there were so many “coincidences” that I gave up on this concept and accepted that my life was destined to be great.

At this point, you are probably thinking that I am a modern male Pollyanna. But I’m not.

Is it like that happy all the time? Of course, not. As I am writing this post, I am also personally tired and feeling disconnected and it becomes harder to feel all of that. Which is ok. It is part of being human. So, I let myself be. I don’t fight and push myself up to be all pumped up. But because I know (and own) my own story, I can surrender because things will turn out fine.

It always does.