Thomas says “The Divine Feminine got me all hot and bothered.”

Disclaimer: I do not have any official credentials of musical lyricism or rhythm nor do I have any rap cred on the street. Also, I haven’t been remotely into Mac Miller since he released Knock Knock in the early 2010. I do not, in any way, endorse Mac’s “Donald Trump” song. That song is a psych yourself up to be like a bigoted Drumf(sic) and thus a whatever song at best. (Trash as fuck would be my next description of it.)

That being said, I still have a functional ear and a highly dysfunctional opinion so here’s my quick rundown on Mac Miller’s (Malcolm McCormick – 2016), The Divine Feminine.

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“Congratulations” ft. Bilal – Yup, album starts off with Ariana Grande just going off with her vocal chops and introducing the project. Truly, congrats Miller for making The Divine Feminine 100% amazing by simply having Ariana do a few chords. Then he goes in with his faded-ass singing voice and it ain’t terrible but that’s just me. Further in, the divine strings from the piano and violin cannot be ignored, they are more than just an ode to the beautiful pitches of Ariana. The first verse sets up the tone well with:

“I see your eyes look through my soul

Don’t be surprised, […]

I felt the highs and they felt like you”

Nice dude, I actually feel like this lady be divine. Second verse, Miller goes into a deep story and speaks of how this lady loved the fool before he even had a dollar. Just a man’s silly opinion, but if she love you like that, than that shit definitely real and thus sooo divine. Then Miller goes into talking about that ass and that pussy and those expletives are accompanied by the abrupt piano break and honestly it works pretty well artistically. Sure, it doesn’t quite respect the divinity but hey, Miller is only human. But yeah, the rest of the album just follows suit in this department. It’s a balancing act that Miller doesn’t even try to juggle. He just lets all those pussy bombs drop all over the place. Further proving that this guy is definitely just human. The song ends with Bilal doing a sexy yet classier verse about the divine that better compliments the beautiful melody, slightly more reminiscent of something appreciative.

“Your loveliness bring me sunshine

I found an angel so divine

Heaven probably not the same without you

But now you’re in my world, in my world”

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“Dang! ft. Anderson Paak – Now we going in with the velvety tone and flow of Paak. The opening tones here are reminiscent of Estelle and Kanye’s “American Boy” which is a beautiful thing. Here, it’s mostly about how the dude can’t hold down the lady, probably because he’s got way too many flaws and his ass can’t keep up with the divinely flawless. But the lady doesn’t seem too amazing herself, but that’s probably due to the man’s flawed perception. But hey, like a loving God or Goddess, she be forgiving the sinner time and time again.

“If it love, then why the fuck it come with pain?”

Iono man, maybe cause it ain’t.

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“Stay” – This one seems like a straight up continuation of the “Dang!” still asking the lady to stay. And with those sexy horn(y) sounds, I would definitely stay. Though, the beat goes ham here and Miller goes slightly more aggro. Again, the dude tries to put in some vocal chops. And honestly I’m a fan. Don’t know where he got the courage or confidence but I’m guessing he’s been doing some car karaoke with his lady Ariana Grande for practice.

“You so complicated, I swear that pussy Grammy nominated.”

Lol, okay he referring to Ariana for sure here.

“I am her, she is I

She had to come, see her freaky side, leaving me behind”

Woah, that some spiritually divine shit, like a melding of spirit and mind and body type shit. And fellas, take a note here. He’s saying he had her climax before he does, thus putting the Goddess’ needs before his own cause if she feeling good, he feeling good.

Then it ends with some more moaning behind hard saxophone sounds. I mean the whole song he was setting up for sex so I guess it makes sense.

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“Skin” – Straight up sexual moans open this one up as a continuation of “Stay.” I see you. I see you setting up the tone for this here The Divine Feminine. So divine, like the Egyptian God Cards of Yu-Gi-Oh… you have to sac three nuts ‘cause the sex noises right here make you bust uncontrollably. Reminiscent of Mac’s earlier collab with Kendrick Lamar in the end of “Fight the Feeling,” you should probably use headphones for this one, unless you’re like me and you just let the whole neighborhood know you’re watching some hardcore porn through them Bose speakers. UUHH, UUUGHH, UUUUUUGGGHHHH, AHHHHHHHH, AHHHHGGHHHH, AAAAAAA, I just came. But only ‘cause the guitar riffs here are super sexy.

“And all I do is make these fuckin’ songs

So I finally made a fuckin’ song”

Okay, we get it. You fuck. And he justifies himself going in on the Goddess by calling himself divine.

“It’s okay that you like it babe

And it’s alright that you misbehave

It’s okay to be this way”

Not gonna disagree here. But only because my old schooled corny and horny soul likes this line:

“I open up your legs and go straight for your heart”

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“Cinderella” ft. Ty$ – Ty$ opens up telling the haters to not worry ‘cause he’s gonna treat this lady how she wants and with some sarcasm tells Cinderella to go home but really means that she shouldn’t be a Disney princess and go home but instead she should spend the night with him. But bro, don’t tell the divine what to do. She already knows what she wants. Then Mac comes in to say that this Cinderella is actually saving him. Yes, the lady is the hero for this flimsy Mac:

“You in my dreams, that’s why I sleep all the time

Just to hear you say I love you, just to touch you”

And then he ruins it with a bunch of ways he’s gonna fuck her… like a human.

But he brings back the respect with:

“Every time I’m out of line you always set me straight.”

The song is just filled with contradictions to the idea that the lady is divine; this here is probably the epitome of that notion.

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“Planet God Damn” ft. Njomza – To tell you the truth, Njomza is probably the best part of this song, with her ending desire:

“I wanna feel you feel me.”

Though the Miller verses are nice since they deliver the message that his lady is straight up too amazing to be compared with the mortals of this earthly planet. But again he ruins it:

“We could lay up on the beach, you could feed me grapes.”

Okay, that’s nice, but instead how about you feed the Goddess her grapes, you fucking pleib. The guy continues:

“Girl what’s on your brain? Cause that head is stupid

Lotta people suck dick, but you can execute it”

At first, I’m thinking he’s insulting her, but I guess he’s just poorly complimenting her blowjob skills. I mean… I guess.

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“Soulmate” – This one opens with some sweet “whopping” sounds backgrounding what seems to be a monologue by the late Robin Williams from the film Good Will Hunting. And that’s probably the best part ‘cause it seems to speak of the divine connection between two people that strengthens both souls regardless of sex or gender. Don’t be scared to open yourself up because that is what will allow you ascendance. By abandoning your idea of weaknesses shaping your choices, you strip the chance for people to own that part of you. By being vulnerable you allow the one that will appreciate your whole self to find you. And as Mac admits that the lady is too divine for his human mind, he also admits his own short comings throughout his life which are metaphorically represented throughout his album, not just in his silly lyrics but his imperfect voice. Also, through the imperfection, he actually shows his own feminine side and thus is trying to say that he has been molded by the goddess. Which is actually amazing if that’s what he is going for.

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“We” ft. CeeLo Green- Some good ol’ CeeLo harmonizing is spread throughout this one, which is a great way to physically interpret the idea of “we,” or the idea of creating something in teamwork; the melding of vocals emulate the idea that there is no “you and me” but rather it is “we.” Then Mac says, in the very first verse:

“I’m in love with the way you say my name

Every time it sound brand new”

This is cute and all, but it doesn’t quite support the idea of melding of identities. Which means it’s yet another example of Miller being imperfect in his artistic work.

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“My Favorite Part” ft. Ariana Grande – Honestly, this is the true reason I even gave The Divine Feminine a chance. They’ve collaborated powers before, but this right here is a trip. It’s like Ariana gave our boy Mac so much inspiration that he most definitely needed to create an album dedicated to our boo and even bring in his own vocal chops. This entire review is definitely just a chance to promote Ariana. Everything besides this paragraph is trashy opinion from a pop music fan. Just listen. Ariana just can’t disappoint. Also, the idea that not knowing how beautiful one is doesn’t perpetuate romanticizing unconfidence, but rather it romanticizes the notion that people are beautiful when they are just unaware of their own beautiful personality or actions… like, how a parent may not know that they are beautiful in the way they do everything they can for their child not in the name of preserving progeny but rather for the love of love.

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“God Is Fair, Sexy, Nasty” ft. Kendrick Lamar – Here, Kendrick helps send the message home. Yup, the whole point is that all this is a contradiction. Everything.

“Your divinity has turned me into a sinner.”

We get it, you guys are horny. Jesus.

The song and The Divine Feminine album end with a monologue from what seems to be an older woman that had a fulfilling marriage with her husband. It’s super typical of the Aphrodite archetype (loving the husband and staying home to give care for the babies) and honestly, it kinda disgusts me due to my want for cultural change, but that lifestyle was what many people have aspired for centuries. Well, at least the monologue wasn’t sprinkled with expletives… though ironically that’s where I would have appreciated it the most.

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Now if you’d be kind enough to excuse me, I’m gonna go ahead and do a solid 30 min fap sesh in honor of The Divine Feminine. (Malcolm, for Divine Feminine II(2), you should try to respect feminine attributes and maybe try describing those attributes without smothering it with your own overtly sexual needs. Then again, maybe that’s not Mac’s fault but more so on part of the perpetuation of many sexist human cultures. Though there would be more respect if he went beyond those boundaries and acted more sophisticated. And maybe, just maybe, this sexual display is exactly why Ariana had to deal with your “fan’s” bullshit sexual harassment; it let the fool think it’s okay to speak objectifyingly of sweet Ariana by shouting how he “sees you hitting that.”)