ST. LOUIS—Saying he hoped the Republican nominee could clear up the matter for American voters, moderator Anderson Cooper reportedly began the second presidential debate Sunday night by giving Donald Trump the opportunity to explain exactly what the fuck is wrong with him. “I’d like to start tonight’s proceedings by asking you, Mr. Trump, to explicitly lay out to the American people what the hell is fucking wrong with you?” said Cooper, adding that it would be helpful if the business magnate would expound on the specifics of why in God’s fucking name he says what he says and behaves the way he does, and how he could even begin to think that’s okay. “You are not a mentally well person, and there is clearly something very, very wrong with you on the most basic and fundamental level, so please, if you would, shed some light on what in holy hell is going on inside your fucking skull. I mean, for fuck’s sake.” At press time, Trump was reportedly shouting over both Cooper and Hillary Clinton as his two-minute response time had elapsed without him coming close to finishing his explanation of how fucked-up he is.

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