JustWondering99 Mon 27-Aug-18 04:44:02

Hello,



I joined this forum because, although I’m not a parent, I value the input of female members. It takes women to really and genuinely understand women. Most of us men are quite hopeless at doing so (well, I know that I am).



I’m in my early 60s. I’m technically married although I have been separated from my spouse for over 3 years. That is to say, I’ve lived as a bachelor since early 2015 in a separate flat. Alone (well, with my five cats).



I never felt the need to get a divorce as this paper would not have changed anything in my daily life (the fact that we were officially separated and living separate lives).



I was utterly convinced that, at my age, I wouldn’t find love again and I was quite happy to accept the fact that I would spend the rest of my life alone (well, “alone” with my cats).



But, nothing is written and life has the wonderful authority to surprise you... When you expect it less... A year ago, I met a woman 10 years my junior (a difference of age which I thought was acceptable). We spent about a year “socializing” (going on dates visiting museums, going to movies together, going to restaurants, etc.). Then, about a month ago, after a full year “dating”, we crossed our Rubicon and decided to become a couple. Basically, this meant having sex (I prefer to say “make love”) and deciding to become an “official” couple and decide to make a success of our relationship.



I must stress two important things:



1) She was never happy with the fact that I was still officially a married man and asked me to ask for a divorce as soon as possible. I can totally understand her point of view. And I did contact several lawyers to start the divorce process.



2) It was very difficult for me to get back in a fully functioning sexual relationship with a woman. I had lost my confidence in my ability to do so. And my own body betrayed me more than once with her.

She always was very patient with me. Never criticising me, never pressurising me, always giving me the time to accept the status of our new relationship. I gave her many times wonderful orgasms with my tongue, but never could get my own. I was totally focused on her and not on me.



But still, she was patient, understanding, and always told me that my problem was temporary and would eventually disappear. I thank her for this vote of confidence in me.



Yesterday evening, she came to visit me in my flat. We ended up in bed and we started to make love.



As we were making love (which is the most intimate act a woman and a man can have), she suddenly asked me: “ How is your divorce going? Did you get news from your solicitor?”. I repeat, whilst we were making love...



I must admit I took this very badly.



I immediately left the bed and told her she had ruined the moment. I told her that I understood her concerns but that she was wrong to ask me this question whilst we were actually making love.



And that she could have waited 30 minutes to ask me this. Her concerns were genuine, but I still think that there is a place and time to ask such questions – not whilst you’re actually making love.



At the end of the day, I still don’t know if I were an utter pr*ck for having dismissed her concerns whilst we were making love. For not having understood her concerns. I still think that she was utterly wrong to mention this whilst we were making love, but my point is that being right or wrong is not really the issue.



What is important to me is that I love this woman and that I don’t know to handle her. I appreciate her concerns. I can’t understand how she chooses to handle them.



If I have been a pr*ck in this situation, please tell me so.

If you have some good pieces of advice, please tell me so too.

Any help will be gracefully received.