The US military last week lifted a ban on serving openly as transgender, something that in the past led to discharge, separation and discrimination

'I had so much at stake': what it was like to be transgender in the military

Transgender veterans and active members of the US military celebrated last week after the Pentagon announced it would lift a ban on transgender Americans openly serving. Up until Thursday, to be openly transgender and serving in the military was grounds for discharge or separation.

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It is difficult to tell what proportion of the estimated 1.3 million US military personnel will be affected directly by this news. A formal investigation by the Pentagon revealed a couple thousand actively serving military personnel were transgender, while advocacy organizations put the number closer to 15,000. With people now feeling safer being open about gender identities they may have been forced to keep under wraps for fear of losing their jobs, numbers will likely increase.

Below, a few transgender Americans who started transitioning while serving in the military, describe the reality and consequences of living as a closeted person.

‘They wanted nothing to do with it – or me’ – Jennifer Long

Jennifer Marie Long, 51, says she questioned her gender identity her whole life. Going into the army when she was still a teenager, and joining the airborne infantry was in many ways a result of that questioning.

“It was a way of asserting my gender,” Long explains.

“I went into the army to really assert my masculinity, but then I just became a tough chick with bullets,” she laughs, referring to her transition.

Retiring as a highly decorated sergeant major, Long’s 30-year career in the army was a stellar one. Her last deployment to Afghanistan in 2011, which involved training Afghan police and assisting the French army, earned her a bronze star for combat action at home and a national defense medal from France.

It is during this last deployment that Long started to confide in female colleagues about the fact that she was transitioning from man to woman.

While she had been thinking about her gender identity for years, making the decision to take steps to live authentically as a woman – something that came about two decades into her career in the military – was a hard one to make.

“I had so much at stake,” she says. Long knew about the discrimination she could face, and about the strong possibility she could be forced out. She was also worried she would be denied benefits she had earned.

Her fears were in many ways found to be justified.

They wanted nothing to do with it or me. It’s sad they don’t want to deal with it. It is sad to lose your friends. Jennifer Long

After Afghanistan, Long says rumors started circulating that she was trans and reaction from her own senior leadership was swift. It was made clear to her that her gender identity meant they wanted her out.

“I was retired. It was one of those go away, and go away quickly,” she explains.

Long says she received her retirement package, but was not afforded any of the retirement ceremonies normally associated with someone of her rank.

Long says she also experienced colleagues and longtime friends turn their backs on her.

“They wanted nothing to do with it or me. It’s sad they don’t want to deal with it. It is sad to lose your friends. But you have to respect that too,” she says.

Since her 2012 retirement, a few people have come round, including soldiers she has had in her command. Sometimes it is also a matter of explaining, of helping people understand what it means to be trans, she says.

“I am the same me, I just repackaged the outside. I didn’t suddenly become trans, I didn’t suddenly become woman. It is something I have had inside my whole life.

“What has changed is how I present my gender. Jennifer existed even though to the outside it was Ed in a uniform.”

‘I knew I could face losing everything’ – Patricia King

Patricia King, a 35-year-old staff sergeant and squad leader currently serving in the US army, says this week’s news is a big relief.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Patricia King. Photograph: Patricia King/The Guardian

“It is something I have been waiting for with bated breath.”

King came out to her army leadership as transgender 18 months ago.

Coming out to leadership, once she resolved her internal conflict and came out to family, was a daunting moment. King knew no one in her area who was serving actively, and transgender.

“I was frightened of not being understood, or of being ostracized. I wanted them to understand that first and foremost I am a soldier,” she says. She knew her job, and her career, were on the line.

I knew I could face losing everything, but I decided I would rather live an authentic life

But the risk was worth it. “I knew I could face losing everything, but I decided I would rather live an authentic life.”

To her reassurance, leadership had questions, but were willing to work with her.

“The main question they had was how will this affect your ability to do your job? And the answer to that was, it won’t,” she says.

‘My feelings were all over the place’ – Evan Young

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Evan Young. Photograph: Rhys Harper/The Guardian

Evan Young, a 45-year-old retired army major and national president of the Transgender American Veterans Association, worked in the army for 14 years, between 1989 and 2013.

After qualifying for medical retirement (due to an unrelated condition) in 2012, Young started taking hormones to start his transition. He took a low dosage, but still, he says, very quickly his voice dropped and physical changes were noticeable.

That such changes were visible was threatening for Young’s future financial security.

Up until last week, openly transgender members of the military could be “medically disqualified” under guidance from the military’s Standards for Military Fitness that listed “transsexualism” as a form of “paraphilia” – a word that describes abnormal sexual desires typically involving dangerous activities. Under former rules, soldiers found out as transgender would be found to be “administratively unfit”, and would face the possibility of four types of discharges, most of which would at least partially, if not fully deny them any kind of retirement benefits.

Young says after he started taking hormones, his work environment and his colleagues became more hostile and he grew less comfortable at work. He thought he was likely under investigation and was “scared to death” he would be discharged for being transgender.

I love serving my country. I knew that was going to end. It hurt Evan Young

Young says that from that moment onwards it was “a race” to be granted retirement before any investigation could be completed. He was finally granted the medical retirement in 2013. He left the army with mixed feelings of sadness and relief.

Young says that among the transgender veteran community, as someone who was able to keep his right to access benefits and retirement, he is one of the lucky ones.

And at least his work with TAVA has given him a new focus for his energies, a means of helping people who have faced similar stresses and setbacks to his own. As national president, he devotes himself to helping transgender veterans access the care and benefits to which he believes they’re entitled.



“My emotions were all over the place,” he remembers. “I was so excited to leave that situation. It felt good, but then also it felt sad because I love the military, and I love serving my country. I knew that was going to end. It hurt.”