If you thought the Oscars was purely about self-important film folk giving their fat egos a good, old stroke – you would be so right.

The way they jabber on when they get their awards you would think they are saving lives or something. Yeah, well done on doing your job and dressing up pretending to be someone you are not. Good job. But that is not the only thing it’s about.

It’s about laughing at celebrities. Hey, that’s the only reason we stayed up until stupid ‘o’ clock this morning to watch the damn thing.

Do you think our lives really hang on whether Benjamin Button got best make-up or not? Don’t think so somehow. What we really care about is who is going to make a fool of themselves during their acceptance speech. Or which actresses clearly got dressed in the dark.

OK, we also take sick pleasure in taking note of the ageing Hollywood stars which are about to keel over, but it’s mostly about laughing at stupid celebs. And just for your pleasure, we have come up with the best, err, sorry, worst moments in Oscars history.

Hugh Jackman – you almost made this list!!

Enjoy!

16. You really like Sally Field, no really

When: 1985



The oddest ever acceptance speech was by Sally Field when she won her second Oscar for the Depression-era drama Places in the Heart. It’s often been misquoted, but what she actually said was: “The first time I didn’t feel it, but this time I feel it, and I can’t deny the fact that you like me, right now, you like me!” Everyone must have been thinking, ‘can we take it back?’.

15. Michael Moore goes on and on

When: 2003

Please shut up.

14. James Cameron is the **** of the world

When: 1997

James Cameron has never been one to hide away just how good he thinks he really is. So when he ‘jokingly’ repeated the ‘I am the king of the world’ line from his film Titanic no one took it as a joke.

13. Sean Penn has humour bypass

When: 2005

Note to Sean Penn ? get a sense of humour. Actors are there to be shot at and when you have someone like Chris Rock on stage you can expect a few jokes at Hollywood’s expense. So when he asked the question: “Who is Jude Law? Why is he in every movie I have seen in the last four years? Even if he’s not acting in it, if you look at the credits he makes the cupcakes or something,” it’s funny. Not to Sean Penn, who strode on to stage and announced: “Forgive my lack of humour … Jude Law is one of our most talented actors.” Seriously, get a life Sean Penn. If the pictures are anything to go by, Jude Law has a small part all the time.

12. David Letterman’s dog trick

When: 1995

OK, choosing David Letterman to host the ceremony in the first place was never a good idea. There was the inevitable Top 10 list, which we usually find about as funny as malaria. But then there was the moment he enlisted the help of an embarrassed Tom Hanks to help with a dog trick. Basically, the dog span around when everyone clapped ? which, let’s face it, as an act would not even get into the second round of Britain’s Got Talent, never mind the Oscars. Suffice to say, the dog got more claps than the host. But it got worse for Letterman?

10. Vanessa Redgrave has a go at the Zionist hoodlums

When: 1977

You really have to know your audience. Having a go at the ‘Zionist hoodlums’ during her acceptance speech for winning best supporting actress for Julia was never going to win her many fans among Hollywood.

Surprisingly, she got booed off.

9. Marlon Brando goes Native American

When: 1972

Once again, making a political statement at the Oscars is pointless ? it just makes you look stupid.

The worst example, of course, was Marlon Brando’s acceptance speech when he won Best Actor for The Godfather. Or should we say Sacheen Littlefeather‘s refusal to accept the Oscar on Brando’s behalf because of the film industry’s treatment of Native Americans. If that was not cringeworthy in itself, Littlefeather was not even an Apache Indian, but an actress. Good point well made Brando, you coward.

8. Come on and get it, Frank!!

When: 1934

Director Frank Capra must have been grateful the Oscars was not televised back in the 30s. Otherwise, he would have been top of this list, no problem. What can be more embarrassing than thinking you’ve won an award, only to realise it’s someone else with the same first name as you? That’s what happened to Capra when presenter Will Rogers opened up the Best Picture envelope and said: “Come on up and get it, Frank!”

Capra, assuming he was the only Frank who deserved the award (for the film Lady for a Day) proudly walked on to the stage only to realise that Frank Lloyd was the winner for the movie Cavalcade. D’oh!

7. David Letterman’s Uma Oprah

When: 1995

Just when you thought it could not get any worse for Letterman, he decides to introduce Oprah Winfrey to Uma Thurman. “Oprah, Uma. Uma, Oprah”. Hilarious, see.

6. Jerry Lewis is shot down

When: 1958

You would think that asking a professional ‘funnyman’ to ad lib to fill up an extra 20 minutes at the end of the show would not be a problem. Well, Jerry Lewis was so bad at doing it, producers ended up putting a short film about pistols instead.



5. Kojak, Mr Miyagi and Dom DeLuise sing together

When: 1986

Can you even contemplate the awfulness of that? It was the opening act for the 1986 awards night. Words fail us.

4. Phil Collins wins an Oscar

When: 1999

What kind of world do we live in when Phil Collins wins the 1999 Best Song Oscar for You’ll Be In My Heart from animated movie Tarzan? Famine, disease, drought and then this? What makes it worse is that South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut came out the same year.

3. Um, Jonathan, Um, Demme, Um, wins, um,

When: 1991

Um, best director Jonathan Demme’s acceptance speech, um, is, um, really, um, dull.



2. Gwyneth Paltrow’s annoying acceptance speech

When: 1999

Wail. Sob, sob. Gwyneth Paltrow’s sob-fest is the single-most annoying acceptance speech of all time. Made us cry too.

1. Oscars hits a real Lowe point

When: 1989

A camp Rob Lowe danced to the Creedence Clearwater Revival classic Proud Mary with a woman dressed from head to toe as Disney’s Snow White. It was so bad even Paul Newman and Julie Andrews wrote a letter of disgust to the Academy.

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