The Luther Burger is often cited as an example of a particularly American type of excess.

As in ancient Rome, our donut culture may be reaching a point of orgiastic decadence, which sooner or later will implode from sheer excess. Can a civilization survive the Luther Burger, a cheeseburger served on a split Krispy Kreme?

Even the Snopes article on Luther Burgers goes on a multi-paragraph “get off my lawn” tangent about health foods, backlash, and American obesity before name-checking a variant of the previously-covered hamdog as a segue into finally discussing the topic at hand:

It’s one of Mulligan’s other repasts, however, that may represent the ultimate in nutritive decadence through its combining greasy, cholesterol-stuffed meats with a sweet, fatty, deep-fried treat: the “Luther Burger,” a bacon cheeseburger served on a Krispy Kreme doughnut bun.

Just how bad is it though? A glazed donut is, essentially, just a piece of bread, albeit fried bread with a sugary coating. Aside from that, the Luther is only a bacon cheeseburger. There are those who would say that a bacon cheeseburger, in itself, is a bit excessive. To them I say:

As much as I love beer and bogus quotes, it's actually bacon cheeseburgers that are proof god loves us and wants us to be happy. — Garden Gnome Action Figure (@JimBehymer) December 18, 2011

In years past, if I wanted to try a burger that was a bit of a stunt, but I still wanted it to be delicious, I’d have visited Wiener and Still Champion in Evanston. Making the ridiculous delicious was their standard MO, with menu items like the Faux Poutine burger, the Triple Undisputed (911) burger, the country-fried bacon, and, well, everything listed here. In fact, as noted by WBEZ, there was a Luther Burger on WaSC’s secret menu. Sadly, though, the place has been closed for a couple of years. Google tells me that there’s a place on the north side called Buzz Burgers that’s serving a Donut Burger–whoops! Looks like it’s closed too.

Well, my favorite donut shop in the city, Old-Fashioned Donuts, also sells burgers. Louisa Chu even said they were pretty good for the Trib’s burger roundup last year. Maybe they’d make me a Luther Burger?

No. They would not make me a Luther Burger. Maybe I could have talked them into it if they hadn’t gotten suddenly busy just after I arrived. YMMV, but I kind of doubt it. It’s a damn shame too. Seems like a natural. Since I was there already though, I picked up a couple of glazed donuts to go. It was time to take matters into my own hands.

One thing I’ve noticed about glazed donuts is that there’s a pretty clear line, caused by the risen dough floating above the oil as it fries, that indicates right where you should split the donut if you were to do something like, say, cut it in half to make it into a hamburger bun.

And once the donut is cut in half, my earlier assertion that it is merely bread is an easier one to accept. A rich, sweet, eggy bread to be sure. But look at that hole structure.

As it happens, I had some homemade maple bacon onhand–nothing fancy, just the basic recipe from Ruhlman/Polcyn’s Charcuterie. Cured for a week with brown sugar and maple syrup before being smoked over apple wood, it already bridges the sweet/savory divide, a characteristic that will be necessary for this sandwich to succeed.

For the burger, I wanted something relatively restrained–small, but not a fast-food style hockey puck. As my wife had recently bought me several large heavy flat burger flippers, a smashed burger (or, as Mike G from Fooditor would call them, “burgers“) seemed like the natural choice.

So to do this, we’re going to cook the bacon–I’m only going to use 1 slice cut in half but I’m cooking 2 because inevitably someone will come by and steal a piece–and put a thin swipe of butter on the cut side of each donut half before browning them gently in the griddle. Meanwhile, I’ve got another griddle over high heat, and about 1/6 of a pound of 80/20 ground chuck rolled into a ball and seasoned, ready to go.

That ball gets placed on the hot griddle and allowed to cook for a slow 20-count before being smashed down and flattened against the griddle and cooked for about 45-60 seconds per side. It’s flipped once, and the cheese is placed on it as soon as it’s flipped.

Things move quickly now. A donut half on the plate, cut side down, then the burger and cheese, then the bacon, then the second donut half, cut side up. This allows one to handle the burger without getting too much glaze on one’s hands, though I suppose if that isn’t a concern when eating a glazed donut normally, perhaps it shouldn’t be a concern now. Regardless, may I present to you:

This is sweeter than a standard burger would be, obviously. However, not to a great extent, and not offputtingly so. More problematic is the fact that a half-donut does not make as stable a base for a burger, smashed thin though it may be, as a proper hamburger bun would. Griddling does help with that, as it provides a bit of rigidity, but I was constantly in danger of losing my bottom bun.

I ate this burger sans condiments. I think ketchup or pickles or, god forbid, mustard would just accentuate the strangeness of the donut bun. Perhaps some caramelized onions would work, or a fried egg. Mayo-tomato-lettuce might be OK.

As for excess, let’s think it through. A Krispy Kreme glazed donut has 190 calories, according to the site MyFitnessPal. This is a little bigger than that though, so let’s call it 250. A quarter pound burger patty has 290 calories. American cheese, 104 calories. A thick slice of bacon, 80 calories. The tiny swipe of butter with which I griddled the donut halves, let’s call it a half tablespoon for 50 calories. That’s a total of 774 calories. By comparison, a Big Mac has 563 calories, a Whopper 677. So a stripped-down version of the Luther Burger like this has a higher calorie content than standard fast food fare, but only by a small amount. Compared to a bigger burger like a pub burger or one of the monstrosities they serve at Kuma’s Corner, I imagine it would fare better.

Still, by starting with a glazed donut, this sandwich is almost by definition a stunt more than it is a satisfying meal or snack. Nobody would eat these on the regular. Well, nobody but Luther Vandross I guess (apocryphally speaking). I suppose for the sake of thoroughness I should try another half-dozen variations of this sandwich, but I’ll leave that to you, readers. I don’t recommend it though. Too many sandwiches like this could…

I like sandwiches. I like a lot of other things too but sandwiches are pretty great

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