I’m thinking about the Garden of Eden.

Here’s what seems like a gross and silly discussion, but it carries some heavy theological implications.

Were Adam and Eve fully human?

In other words, did they poop? Before the Fall, I mean.

A garden means fruit, fruit means eating, and eating means taking a dump. This creates problems.

Did the poops stink? If so, how could this be part of Paradise? Did Adam and Eve poop in front of each other, since they had no shame?

Poop is decaying organic matter. There was no death or decay before The Fall. All bad things from weeds to labor pains to war came from The Fall.

If Adam and Eve’s poop did not stink, then it meant that Eden was comprised of some miraculous plants that produced no waste products.

It meant Adam and Eve did not have digestive systems, stomachs, or even butt holes-because they did not need them.

And that meant they weren’t human.

The need for pooping had to come after The Fall, which means Adam and Eve had no butt holes, therefore, they were not human when they sinned.

Unless God KNEW they would sin and designed them with butt holes ahead of time.

God puts Adam in the garden to “tend” it. A gardener prunes and cuts, in order to maintain healthy and attractive plants. Now, this is before The Fall, so there is no death and no imperfection. So a gardener would be unnecessary.

Adam and Eve are told not to eat of the fruit of knowledge of good and evil, or else they would die. How would they know what death was? There were no examples of death before they ate the fruit.

We’re told God banishes Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden lest they eat of the tree of life and live forever. Don’t people live forever anyway, whether in Heaven or Hell? Wouldn’t Adam and Eve live forever, regardless of whether they ate of the tree of life? Did an afterlife not exist in the Old Testament?

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September 5, 2012

Categories: religion . Tags:adam, eve, forbidden fruit, the fall . Author: thelankyprophet

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