ATLAH World Missionary Church in Brooklyn, New York, has been making headlines lately for a controversial sign out front: “Jesus would stone homos,” it says, “stoning is still the law.”

Well, all right, thought lesbian Jennifer Louise Lopez. Let’s go see if they really mean it.

“I’m here for my stoning,” she tells the flummoxed man who opens the door. This being New York, he doesn’t bat an eye at the strange request (maybe because it does not seem strange to him?) and instead tells her to come back tomorrow, because he doesn’t have any stones. Then he suggests that the stoning guy has office hours tomorrow.

Well, sure. You can’t expect them to just stone anyone who shows up unannounced. You’ve got to make an appointment. There are a lot of homosexuals out there!

Last month, the sign said “Obama has released the homo demons on the black man. Look out black woman. A white homo may take your man,” so clearly these people know what they’re talking about. Watch out, Michelle Obama! Here comes the ghost of Quentin Crisp!

And before that, their pastor proved that Oprah is a lesbian, simply by believing it really really hard.