ANDBOOM ! BLASTED HISARM CLEAR OFF ! WE SPENT THREE HOURS LOOKINGFOR THAT DAMN ARM, BUT IT WASNEVER TO BE FOUND. SOME SAY IT'S STILLCRAWLING AROUND TO THIS DAY. RAAHH... ! GOTCHA ! THAT'S NOTSCARY. YOU WERE SCARED CARTMAN,YOU ALMOST PEED YOUR PANTS. SHUT UP I DIDN'TPEE MY PANTS ! HEY NED,HAND ME THAT GIN. YOU BOYSWANNA TIE ONE ON ? NO, THANKS, THAT STUFFTASTES LIKE PEE. YEAH,CARTMAN'S PEE. YOUWOULDTASTE MY PEE ! WHAT THE HELL'SWRONG WITH YOU ? CAN'T YOU HAVEA LITTLE ALCOHOL ? CHRIST, LOOK AT THATLITTLE BASTARD GO ! YOU SEE THAT STAN ? NOWTHAT IS A DIRTYLITTLE BASTARD. HEY, I'M A DIRTYLITTLE BASTARD TOO. HEY YOU GUYS,I KNOW A SCARY STORY. SHUT UP CARTMAN,YOU CAN'T SCAREANYBODY. OH YEAH ? HAVE YOU GUYS EVERHEARD OFSKUZZLE-BUTT ? WHAT BUTT ? SKUZZLE-BUTTIS A CREATURE THAT LIVES UPON THIS VERY MOUNTAIN AND KILLS ANYBODYWHO CLIMBS TO THE TOP. WHY ? BECAUSE IT LOVESTHE TASTE OF BLOOD AND LIKES TO ADD PIECESTO ITS DEFORMED BODY. DEFORMED HOW ? WELL, ON HIS LEFT ARM, INSTEAD OF A HAND,HE HAS... A HOOK. A KNIFE. NO, A PIECEOF CELERY. CELERY ? YES, AND HE WALKSWITH A LIMP BECAUSE ONE OFHIS LEGS IS MISSING. AND WHERE HIS LEGSHOULD BE THERE'S NOTHING BUT...PATRICK DUFFY. PATRICK DUFFY ? DAMNIT CARTMAN,THAT'S NOT SCARY ? WHAT DO YOU MEAN ? HAVE YOU EVER SEEN"STEP BY STEP" ? SO HE LIVES ALONEON THIS MOUNTAIN AND WEAVES BASKETSAND OTHER ASSORTED CRAFTS. THEY SAY THATON QUIET NIGHTS YOU CAN HEAR HIMWEAVING HIS BASKETS. ( weaving sounds ) CARTMAN, YOU SUCK ATTELLING SCARY STORIES ! YEAH GIVE METHAT FLASHLIGHT. ( rumbling ) WHAT IS THAT ? MAYBE IT'S SKUZZLE-BUTTCOMING TO WEAVE USINTO BASKETS. HEY,IT MIGHT BE ! GOSH, I HOPE HE DOESN'T CUT MEWITH HIS CELERY HAND. SCREW YOU GUYS ! GO TO HELL ! NED, WHY DON'T YOU WHIP OUTTHE OLD CANCER KAZOO ? LET'S DOA LITTLE SONG. ( voice box )♪ COOMBAYA,MY LORD ♪ ♪ COOMBAYA ♪ COOMBAYA,MY LORD ♪ ♪ COOMBAYA ♪ COOMBAYA,MY LORD ♪ ♪ COOMBAYA ♪ OH, LORDCOOMBAYA ♪ ♪ SOMEONE'S CRYING, LORD ♪ COOMBAYA THEY DON'T THINKSKUZZLE-BUTT IS SCARY, HUH ? LET'S SEEHOW THEY LIKE IT WHEN THEY ACTUALLYSEE SKUZZLE-BUTT. I'LL SCARE THE HELLOUT OF 'EM TOMORROW. ♪ SOMEONE'S CRYING LORD,COOMBAYA ♪ ♪ OH, LORD,COOMBAYA ♪

( screaming ) THAT LAVA'S COMINGRIGHT FOR US ! OH, NO,LOOK ! WHAT THE HELL IS THISTRENCH DOING HERE ?! WE CAN'TGET ACROSS ! IT NOW LOOKS AS IFTHE MISSING CHILDREN ARE TRAPPED IN THE PATHOF HOT NASTY LAVA. GOD, PLEASE DELIVER THOSEDARLING KIDS FROM-- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,THREE, TWO, AND ONE. GOD, PLEASE DELIVER... HELP ! JIMINY ! IT'S THEREALSKUZZLE-BUTT ! WHAT ?!SKUZZLE-BUTT'S REAL ? OH, MY GOD,LOOK AT HIS LEG ! HI KIDS, I'M TV'sPATRICK DUFFY. QUICK, NED,SHOOT IT ! OH, NO,OUT OF AMMO. WHAT ISTHAT THING ? THAT'S SKUZZLE-BUTT. HE HAS PATRICK DUFFY FOR A LEGAND WEAVES BASKETS. THIS ISN'THAPPENING. EVERYONELOOK AWAY PLEASE ! NOTHINGTO SEE HERE. WELL BOYS, I'M SORRY I GOT YOUALL KILLED. AAH... ! ( Stan )WHOA, HE BUILTA WICKER BASKET. HEY,HE'S SAVING US ! SKUZZLE-BUTTSAVED THE DAY. AND MYCALCULATIONS WORKED. THE LAVA'S FOLLOWINGTHE TRENCH INTO THE CANYON. WHERE EXACTLYDOES THE CANYON GO ? UH... ( crowd screaming ) SOUTH PARKIS SAVED ! ( Stan )HEY LOOK,KENNY'S OKAY ! AND NOW THESE HUMBLE PEOPLECAN REJOICE AND CELEBRATE

I'M GETTING WORD THAT THE CHEFOF THE SCHOOL CAFETERIA WANTS TOSING A SONG ABOUT THIS THRILLINGSTRUGGLE OF HUMANITY. ♪ MMM BABY,EVERY TIME THAT WE KISS ♪ ♪ HOT LAVA ♪ EVERY TIME WE MAKE LOVETHERE'S LAVA ♪ ♪ HOT LAVA ♪ LAVA SO HOTIT MAKES ME SWEAT ♪ ♪ LAVA SO WARMAND RED AND WET ♪ ♪ LAVA WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAYABOUT THIS WONDERFUL OUTCOME ? WE OWE EVERYTHING TO THIS FRIENDLY + GONNA HAVE MYSELFA TIME + YET MISUNDERSTOODCREATURE. THANK YOUSKUZZLE-BUTT. FRIEND. OH, HOW SWEET. I DID IT,I DID IT ! I FINALLYKILLED SOMETHING. OH, MY GOD,WHAT HAS HE DONE ? TURN OFFTHE CAMERAS ! HEY,THAT WAS EASY. NO ! WHY GOD, WHY ?! DAMNIT STAN, YOU SHOULDN'THAVE DONE THAT ! WHY ? MAKE UPYOUR MIND. STAN, SOME THINGSYOU KILL AND SOME THINGSYOU DON'T, SEE ? NO. ONLY NOWIN THIS LATE HOUR DO I SEETHE FOLLY OF GUNS. I'LL NEVER USEA GUN AGAIN. ( gun goes off ) BUT I JUST WANTED YOUTO BE PROUD OF ME LIKE YOU WEREWITH KENNY. BUT KENNY'SDEAD NOW STAN AND YOU'REALWAYSGONNA BE MY NEPHEW. AND YOU JUST CAN'TKILLANYTHING. YOU UNDERSTAND ? DUDE, I DON'T UNDERSTANDHUNTING AT ALL. YEAH, IT'S STUPID,LET'S GO WATCH CARTOONS. YEAH, CARTOONSKICK ASS.

NOW YOUBE CAREFUL ERIC. THE WOODS CAN BEVERY DANGEROUS. OKAY MOM. READY TO GOHUNTING CARTMAN ? MY UNCLE JIMBO SAYS WE GOTTAGET UP THERE EARLY. RIGHTUNCLE JIMBO ? THAT'S RIGHTSTANLY. ANIMALS ARE MUCH EASIERTO SHOOT IN THE MORNING. HERE HON, I PACKED YOU CHEESY POOFSAND HAPPY TARTS. DON'T WORRYMISS CARTMAN, WE'LL TAKEGOOD CARE OF HIM. I BROUGHT MY OLD WAR BUDDY DANTO KEEP THINGS SAFE. ( voice box )HELLO MRS. CARTMAN,HOW ARE YOU TODAY ? BE SURE TO USELOTS OF BUG SPRAY, AND IF YOU HAVETO POO-POO DON'T WIPEWITH POISON IVY. ( laughing ) DUDE,THAT'S SICK MOM ! I KNOW IT CAN GET SCARYUP IN THOSE THOSE WOODS. BUT JUST REMEMBER, MOMMY'S NOTFAR AWAY. ( laughing ) DRIVE, DRIVE ! YOU GIVE YOURMOMMY A KISSY. DRIVE THE CAR, DAMMIT,DRIVE ! DON'T GET SCARED UP INTHE MOUNTAINS, CARTMAN. SHUT UP, I'M NOTSCARED OF NOTHING ! MAYBE YOUR MOM CAN GIVEMEA KISS TOO, CARTMAN. ( mumbling ) WHOA !THAT'S DISGUSTING ! YOU PIECE OF CRAP,I'LL KILL YOU ! THAT'S THESPIRIT BOYS ! LET'S GET THATTESTOSTERONE FLOWING ! NOW BOYS, I NEED TO GET SERIOUSFOR A MINUTE. I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTANDA FEW BASIC RULES OF HUNTING, SINCE THIS ISYOUR FIRST TIME. FIRST OF ALL, DON'T EVERWALK WITH YOUR GUN UNLESS THESAFETY IS ON. SECOND, DON'T SHOOT ANYTHINGTHAT LOOKS HUMAN. AND THIRD, NEVER SPILL YOUR BEERIN THE BULLET CHAMBER. ( Stan )UNCLE JIMBO,WE DON'T DRINK BEER. YOU WHAT ?! ( voice box )OH, YEAH,THAT'S RIGHT. I DON'T THINK8-YEAR-OLD KIDS DRINK BEER. I LIKECHOCOLATE MILK ! WE'LL BE DOING PLENTYOF DRINKING ONTHIS TRIP. AFTER ALL,HUNTING SOBER IS LIKE... FISHING...SOBER. IT SURE WILL BE NICE TO GET OUTOF THE CITY FOR A WHILE. AWAY FROMCIVILIZATION. WELL,HERE WE ARE. OKAY, EACH OF YOUYOUNG 'UN'S TAKE A GUN, A BEERAND SOME SMOKES. HEY, I DIDN'TGET A GUN ! SWEET. THIS IS LIKE THE GUNI USED IN 'NAM. YOU WEREN'TIN VIETNAM CARTMAN. ( voice box )WERE YOU STATIONEDINDA NANG ? CARTMAN ALWAYSMAKES STUFF UP. YOU CAN'T BELIEVEANYTHING HE SAYS. HEY, I'LL BLOWYOUR FREAKING HEAD OFF ! LOOK OUT SON,THAT'S DANGEROUS ! YOU'RE GONNASPILL YOUR BEER.

MY UNCLE JIMBO SAYSTHAT AFTER THIS HE'S GONNA TAKE MEHUNTING IN AFRICA. WOW,THAT'LL BE COOL ! MY MOM SAYS THERE'S A LOT OFBLACK PEOPLE IN AFRICA. BOYS,LOOKIE THERE. THAT THERE IS AROCKY MOUNTAIN BLACK BEAR. ONE OF THE FEW REMAININGOF ITS KIND. ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL ? MY GOD, IT'S COMINGRIGHT FOR US ! HEY, IT WASN'TCOMING RIGHT FOR US. IT WAS JUSTSITTING THERE. SHH,NOT SO LOUD. THAT THERE IS JUSTA TECHNICALITY. WHAT DOYOU MEAN ? YOU SEE, THE DEMOCRATSHAVE PASSED A LOT OF LAWS TRYING TO STOP USFROM HUNTING. DEMOCRATSPISS ME OFF. THEY SAY WE CAN'T SHOOTCERTAIN ANIMALS ANYMORE UNLESS THEY'RE POSINGAN IMMEDIATE THREAT. THEREFORE, BEFOREWE SHOOT SOMETHING WE HAVE TO SAY"IT'S COMING RIGHT FOR US". WOW, YOU'RE SMARTUNCLE JIMBO. JIMBO, LOOK. OH, IT'S A DEER. LOOKS LIKE ABOUTA 46-GAUGE, NED. IT'S COMINGRIGHT FOR US ! KICK ASS ! DID YOUSEE THAT ? I WAS IMPALED BY THATFEROCIOUS CHARGING BUCK. RABBIT, RABBITFIVE O'CLOCK. LET'S MOVE !MOVE ! IS THIS HUNTING ? I GUESS SO. DUDE, I'M STARTINGTO HAVE FLASHBACKS. WHAT ? STAND FORTH,PULL UP FLANK ! LOOK OUT FOR CHARLIESUP IN THE TREES ! THIS ONE'SYOURS STAN. IT'S COMINGRIGHT FOR US ! IT'S COMINGRIGHT FOR US. SHOOT IT STAN. I GOT YOUR BACKSOLDIER. I CAN'T. WHAT THE--WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU ? I DON'T WANNASHOOT THE BUNNY. WHAT THE HELL AREYOU TALKING ABOUT YOU'RE BABBLING,YOU'RE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE. YOU'RE HYSTERICAL ! I'M NOTHYSTERICAL, I JUST DON'T WANNASHOOT THE BUNNY. NO NEPHEW OF MINE ISGONNA BE A TREE-HUGGER ! YEAH, HIPPIE ! GO BACK TO WOODSTOCKIF YOU CAN'T SHOOT ANYTHING. I CAN SHOOTYOU,FAT ASS ! I CANSHOOT YOU TOO ! I'LL KILL YOU ! I'LL FILL YOUFULL OF LEAD ! ( rumbling ) HEY WHAT'S THAT ?

( rumbling sounds ) WHAT THE HECKIS THIS ? YEAH FRANK ?IT'S RANDY. GOOD. YEAH, LISTEN,THE LITTLE NEEDLE'S MOVING. IT'S GOING BACK AND FORTHREALLY FAST. WHAT DOESTHAT MEAN ? UH-HUH. UH-HUH. LET ME CHECK. YEAH,IT'S SMOKING. UH-HUH. OH, REALLY ? REALLY ? OH, MY GOD ! A VOLCANO ! ( suspenseful music ) ( sipping ) EHHHH.

MY WEENIESWON'T COOK. THIS WOODWON'T BURN. LOOKS LIKE WE'LL HAVE TO USETHE OLD INDIAN FIRE TRICK. YEAH. ( laughing ) HEY STOP, DROP,AND ROLL, NED ! WHOA ! WHOA ! GODDAMNIT,I JUST GOT THAT VAN. HOW THE HELL ARE WESUPPOSED TO GET HOME ? OH, IT HURTS,IT HURTS ! HEY, YOU GUYS, THIS ONE'S PRETTYGOOD RIGHT NOW.

YOU CAN'T STOP SERVING SALISBURYSTEAK IN OUR PUBLIC SCHOOLS. WHAT'S NEXT,MEAT LOAF ? WE ARE QUITE AWAREOF YOUR CONCERNS CHEF, BUT-- ( intercom )Mayor, the geologistis here to see you. MY GEOLOGIST... ?NOW ? TELL HIM THEINFECTION IS FINE AND I DON'T NEEDANOTHER CHECK-UP. No Mayor, that'sa gynecologist, a geologiststudies the Earth. DON'T YOU THINKI KNOW THAT ? HOW DEAR YOU INSULTMY INTELLECT ! I WENT TO PRINCETONFOR GODSAKE ! YOU GET OUTOF MY OFFICE ! I'm not inyour office Mayor, I'm talking to youthrough a speaker. JUST SEND INTHE GEOMETRIST ! Geologist. YOU AREFIRED, BUDDY ! Thank you Mayor, it's beengreat working for you. MAYOR, WE HAVE GOTA VERY BIG PROBLEM. MT. EVANSONIS ABOUT TO ERUPT. ( suspense music ) WHAT DOES THIS MEANTO THE TOWN ? THIS GRAPH SHOWS EVERYTHINGFROM "NORMAL" TO "BAD". RIGHT NOW SOUTH PARKISHERE. ( suspense music ) MY GOD ! MAYOR, SOME OFTHE SCHOOL CHILDREN ARE UP CAMPING ON THATMOUNTAIN RIGHT NOW ! THISIS BIG. JOHNSON, JOHNSON,ARE YOU THERE ?! ( intercom )You just fired Johnson,Mayor. I'm hisreplacement, Ted. TED, WE HAVE GOTA MAJOR CRISIS HERE ! I WANT YOU TO GET ON THE PHONEAND CALL "INSIDE EDITION", "RESCUE 911"AND "ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT". YOU BETTER GET MY STYLISTON THE PHONE TOO. DON'T WORRY,THINGS ARE UNDER CONTROL.

WHAT DUDE ? I DON'T KNOWWHERE CARTMAN IS. I THINK SOMETHINGTOOK HIM AWAY. WHERE'S MY UNCLE JIMBOAND NED ? THEY'RE OUT FISHINGWITH KENNY. BUT THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BEMY CAMPING TRIP. WHY DO THEY LIKEKENNY SO MUCH ? DOESN'T HE LIKEMEANYMORE ? WELL STAN, YOU WANNA KNOWWHAT I THINK ? WHAT ? ( farting ) WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNINGFOR FISHING. THERE'S ONE,THERE'S A FISH RIGHT THERE ! GOT IT. GREAT INSTINCTS BOY. UNCLE JIMBO,CARTMAN'S MISSING ! WHO ?THE FAT KID ? YEAH. I GUESS WE BETTERGO LOOK FOR HIM. NED, WE GOTTACUT IT SHORT. FIRE UP THE 12-20 ! WELL I THINKTHAT'S ABOUT THE LIMIT FOROURFISHING PERMIT. IT SMELLS LIKEDEAD FISH HERE. ( mumbling ) OH, MAN,THAT IS NASTY. I DON'T THINKI'VE EVER SEEN A KID AS COOLAS YOU KENNY. I'M MAKING YOUMY HONORARY NEPHEW.

THE PEOPLE OF SOUTH PARKARE HUMBLE AND FRIENDLY BUT NOW A TICKINGTIME BOMB OF HOT LAVA WAITS TOENGULF THESE PEOPLE AND END THEIR MISERABLE LIVESWITH ONE LAST FLEETING MOMENT OF EXCRUCIATINGLYPAINFUL BURNING AGONY. HEY, I'M ON TV !I'M ON TV ! MAYOR, WHAT YOU DOINGTO PREPARE FOR THIS INEVITABLECATASTROPHE ? ALL WE KNOWRIGHT NOW IS THAT SOME OFOUR CHILDREN ARE CAMPING ONTHAT MOUNTAIN-- I'M SORRY,CAN I START OVER ? HUH ? YOU CANEDIT THIS, RIGHT ? READY,THREE, TWO, ONE. ALL WE KNOWRIGHT NOW IS SOME OF OUR CHILDREN AREUP CAMPING ON THAT MOUNTAIN. WE CAN'T DO ANYTHINGUNTIL WE GET THEM ! OKAY PEOPLE,LET'S GO GET THOSE KIDS ! C'MON EVERYBODY, YOU GOTTAHELP THE CHILDREN.

UNLESS SOMETHINGDRUG HIM OFF. THERE'S NOT MANY ANIMALSOUT TODAY JIMBO. YEAH, IT'S ALMOST LIKESOMETHING FUNNY'S GOING ON. ( rumbling ) CHRIST NED, WHAT'D YOUHAVE FOR BREAKFAST ? I DON'T KNOW MAN,I'VE GOT SOME BAD GAS. WAIT,THERE'S A RAM ! IT'S COMINGRIGHT FOR US ! ( gunshots ) NICE SHOOTING,KENNY. HERE, YOU NEEDA BIGGER GUN. LOOK ! I AM SKUZZLE-BUTT,LORD OF THE MOUNTAINS ! BEHOLD MYPATRICK DUFFY LEG ! WHAT IS IT ? DUDE, IT'SSKUZZLE-BUTT ! CARTMANWASN'T LYING. HOLY CROW ! WE CAN MAKE A MINTKILLING THIS THING. WE'LL BE ON THE COVEROF "GUNS AND AMMO". THIS CALLSFOR SOME HJ-14. THOSE GUYSARE TOTALLY SCARED. FIRE IN THE HOLE ! HOLY CRAP ! DAMN, I THINKI MISSED. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONGWITH YOU PEOPLE ?! C'MON, LET'S MOVE !MOVE ! WAIT, WAIT !

OKAY, PEOPLE, FORM GROUPSAND SEARCH THE MOUNTAIN. REPORT BACK HERE EVERY HOUR,YOU GOT THAT ? MAYOR, I MIGHTHAVE AN IDEA. OH, WHAT ? IF WE CAN DIGA VERY LARGE TRENCH WE CAN DIVERT THE LAVAINTO A CANYON. THEN IT WOULDBYPASS SOUTH PARK PRETTY MUCHCOMPLETELY. AND... THAT WOULDBE GOOD, RIGHT ? I'M PRETTY SURE. WELL, WHAT AREWE WAITING FOR ? OKAY, PEOPLE,CHANGE OF PLANS. HALF OF YOUGRAB SHOVELS. THESE LOOK LIKEHIS TRACKS. HE MUST'VEGONE THIS WAY. NED, PREPARESOME HK-12. I'LL BET THAT SUCKER'S HEADEDFOR A HIGHER ELEVATION. THE HIGHER--BIRD ! THE HIGHER UP IT GOESTHE BETTER IT CAN BREATHE. LOOK,UP THERE ! YOU GUYS,IT'S JUST ME ! ARE WE SUREIT'S SKUZZLE-BUTT ? DOES IT HAVE PATRICK DUFFYFOR A LEG ? I CAN'T TELL,LET'S KILL IT ! I GOTTA GET OUT OF THISSTUPID COSTUME ! KENNY,YOU TAKE THE FRONT. NO, I CAN DO IT,UNCLE JIMBO. I WANNABAG THAT ANIMAL. THAT'S THE SPIRIT, KIDDO !LET'S HUNT ! YOU GUYS, YOU GUYS,I WAS JUST KIDDING ! ( reporter )AS SOME PEOPLE OF SOUTH PARKTRY DESPERATELY TO SAVETHEIR MOUNTAIN TOWN, OTHERS LOOK FORTHE MISSING TOWNSPEOPLE. BUT ALL MUST TAKEEVERY PRECAUTION NECESSARY.

AS WE NEAR THE TOPOF THE MOUNTAIN THE CHANCES OF OUR ENCOUNTERINGSOME LAVA BECOMES GREAT. THEREFORE I HAVE SPECIALORDERED THIS TRAINING FILM TO ASSIST USIN VOLCANO SAFETY. MR. GARRISON,IF YOU WOULD PLEASE. Harborers of sorrow, Natural disasterscan be the cause of troubling andundesirable stress, and a volcanois no exception. But what should you doif a volcano erupts near youor your family ? Here we see the Stevens' familyenjoying a picnic, But suddenly daughterhears a noise... It's a volcano. Junior seems worried,but have no fear Junior, Jane learned in schoolwhat to do when you heara volcano erupt. That's right, Jane,duck and cover. So what will you do whenyou hear a volcano erupting ? That's right,duck and cover. Looks likeyou got the idea. Thank youand goodbye. OKAY,ANY QUESTIONS ? THAT HASGOT TO BE THE MOST RIDICULOUSLOAD OF PIG CRAP I HAVEEVER SEEN ! THAT'S ENOUGHOUT OF YOU ! I'M GONNA BAGSKUZZLE-BUTT, THEN WE'LL SEEWHO'S A LITTLE BASTARD. ( Cartman )HEY SERIOUSLY,YOU GUYS ! KILL IT STAN,KILL IT.