The physiognomy of Betty and Veronica is timeless: two large doe eyes surrounding a crescent tipped and nostril-less nose, under which a strawberry mouth containing one gigantic, undivided tooth plumply rests. The design of Archie's girlfriends hasn't significantly changed in almost half a century, ever since cartoonist Dan DeCarlo created the modern look for Archie and the Riverdale gang in the 1950s. Now, it's changing again...all thanks to artist Steven Butler, whose clumsy line work should be familiar to anyone who has ever seen a children's coloring panel on the back of an IHOP place mat.

Look, I'll be blunt: I'm not a big fan of the Archie look for the last fifty years or so. Compare the image on the far right above to the one to the right of this paragraph: look how sassy Betty and Veronica were back in the 1940's! Look at the personality of the characters, Archie in particular. Compared to that impressive bit of cartooning, the last fifty years in Archie Comics have been a complete stylistic wash. DeCarlo's reimagining of the Archie universe was done for one and only one reason: to make it possible for the publishers to employ cheaper, uncredited artists and cycle through them easily without any stylistic difference.

One thing that can be said for the new style is that artists will no longer have no discernible stylistic difference in Archie Comics: the new character designs are too elaborate for that. Yet weirdly enough, Butler's "re-imagined" Archie manages to drain the last glimmer of style from what has become comics' most pathetic franchise. The old DeCarlo designs may have been simple and easily reproducible, but they were also memorable. Almost any American presented with a drawing of an Archie Comics character could tell it was meant to be part of the Riverdale gang just as easily as they could identify a character that was supposed to be from the Simpsons. Butler's work loses that completely: try to imagine the Simpsons drawn in another style and remaining half as memorable.

But more importantly, Butler's work also misses the plot by making Betty and Veronica look totally different. Not only does this rob Archie's romantic quandary of its delicious irony (what does it matter which girl Archie picks? They are both the same girl.) but let's face it: one of the reasons the entire Betty / Veronica / Archie love-triangle is so alluring is because Betty and Veronica look exactly like one other, with the exception of hair color. When it comes right down to it, Archie is the personification of every American teenager, and as a pubertal Everyman, his relationship with Betty and Veronica indicates every teenage boy's own deeply seated desire to date two identical twins and eventually convince them to make out with one another while he watches. Right, fellas?

Boo to Archie Comics. Against all odds, a lame comics franchise somehow manages to make itself even lamer.

Archie & Riverdale Get A New Look [Newsarama] (via Backwards City)