Breaking up with someone is not an easy or enjoyable experience. Whether your relationship lasted just a few months or several years, you dedicated a significant portion of your life to another person. This person was part of your “we,” the other half of your “us.” Dumping someone usually means hurting their feelings, breaking their heart, and, often, having to be the jerk. How to break up with someone can be challenging because being the dumpee can be easier than being the dumper. When being dumped, you get your heart broken, you get angry, and you move on.

You don’t have any other choice but to pick yourself up and move forward. Being the dumper is a more challenging role. You’re forced to hurt someone that you care about. You have to play the role of the asshole. To make the dumping experience a little less traumatic and to do the least damage, keep in mind things NOT to do.

Most of us will go through at least one tough break up in our lives. Being the one to end a relationship is sometimes the most difficult position to be in.

Do not use a text or an email to do your dirty work.

Regardless of your reason for ending a relationship, you owe your significant other an explanation. More importantly, you owe them a face-to-face explanation. Sending a text or an email is the easy, cowardly way out. Using technology, you don’t have to see the hurt on their face or the tears that will fall. You can avoid questions and, potentially, their pleading to give the relationship another shot. Nobody said that breaking up with someone in person is easy. It is, however, the right thing to do. So, man up, prepare for the worst, and dump your girlfriend to her face.

Avoid using clichés as reasons for breaking up.

Do not use “it’s not you; It’s me” or “I’m just not emotionally available, right now” as reasons to break up with someone. This is the quickest way to make your girlfriend angry. Explain your reasons for wanting to end the relationship and be specific. Was she too needy? Were there trust issues? Was there just no connection? Provide her with details and concrete examples as to why the relationship wasn’t working. Taking the time examine the relationship and discover its flaws shows her that you do care, but it just isn’t meant to be.

Do not leave it open-ended.

Having a difficult time breaking someone’s heart makes you human. It’s not something that should be easy. When you’re breaking up with your girlfriend, it is highly likely that she will get desperate and plead for you to give it another chance. She may suggest that you just take space from each other before fully breaking up. Stand your ground and don’t give them false hope of getting back together. While you may feel like a jerk, at the time, it is better for both of you, in the long run. If you know you aren’t getting back together, don’t leave her with false hope of rekindling the relationship. Otherwise they’ll be going through our ex-back guide to get you back!

Refrain from contact post breakup.

Unless you have someone new lined up after a break up (which you shouldn’t), there are going to be periods of loneliness. Being used to someone else’s company, there are going to be nights that you crave another person next you. Do not regress and contact your ex. This move will, undoubtedly, set you back in your break up. This allows you to question your decision, thinking that you made a mistake. Even worse, it leads your ex on and gives them hope for getting back together. It isn’t healthy, and it isn’t productive. Just don’t do it.

Don’t be unnecessarily mean.

A break up is surrounded by a high stress and tense environment. Whether the dumper or the dumpee, emotions are running high. If you aren’t careful, a break up can quickly become back and forth name-calling and taking cheap shots. A break up is not a green card to tell your boyfriend or girlfriend everything that that they have done wrong. A break up should be a constructive experience. While it is challenging and emotional, it allows you to pinpoint the areas that you can improve on as a partner. A break up should be a conversation between two people who care for each other but aren’t meant to be together. Don’t let a stressful situation turn you into enemies competing to see who can be the harshest.

Keep the breakup as private as possible.

After dating someone for any extended amount of time, you become known as a couple. In some social circles, you are “_________ and ________.” You, likely, have many mutual friends and acquaintances. You have probably met and spent time with each other family. Your lives have become extremely intertwined and connected by many complicated networks. When you break up, keep private information to yourself. You don’t need to go around telling everyone why you dumped your girlfriend. Respect her privacy and don’t put others in a position to have to choose sides. You are more likely to experience a smoother breakup and remain on good terms if you keep things to yourself.

Break ups are not an experience that anyone looks forward to. Unfortunately, they are a necessary part of dating. Most of us will go through at least one tough break up in our lives. Being the one to end a relationship is sometimes the most difficult position to be in. You want to end a relationship, but you don’t want to hurt someone that you care about. This predicament places you in a challenging situation. When planning to break up with your girlfriend, keep in mind some things that you should avoid, at all costs. If you refrain from these behaviors, you greatly increase your chances of experiencing an amicable breakup and you are more likely to remain friends.