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1. My father-in-law’s ex-wife has been living with someone for 7 years. They wear rings on their wedding fingers. When the boyfriend was in the hospital, he listed her on the hospital records as his wife, they are each other’s beneficiary in case of death, and the list goes on. “My father-in-law pays her $3000 per month – 50 percent of his income.

In the divorce, she received 100 percent of his retirement ($150,000), which she has spent, and is the sole beneficiary of his $1 million life insurance policy, even though he has remarried. After her son turned 18 and the child support ended, she took him back to court and had the child support rolled into alimony. “She would not settle for a reduction of alimony, so based on F.S. 61. 14 [the new cohabitation law], they went to court.

My husband and his brother testified. We watch him struggle while she goes on extravagant vacations (California, Vegas, and a 5-day cruise – all in 4 months). She had a brand-new home built and then remodeled. Her boyfriend’s Crown Victoria is paid for. She makes $11 per hour working 25-30 hours a week. The boyfriend makes $30,000. The ruling went to the ex-wife. So he is still paying $3000 a month and now he is responsible for her attorney’s fees, $10,000. This poor man is supporting not only his ex-wife but her boyfriend, and the courts are allowing it.”

2. I was divorced in 2008 and we split our retirement funds 50/50, yet I have to pay indefinite alimony. I just don’t get it. When I retire I will probably have $2000/month from Social Security and $2000/month from my retirement fund. My ex-wife will probably be in the same situation. So I give her $2050/month and she has $6050/month total and I have $1950. Where is the fairness in that?

My wife ran a successful software consultancy business for several years, but just before we divorced she re-trained as a teacher. Our earning capacities are similar, but I have to pay to “support her in the lifestyle to which she is accustomed”, even though her full time income is sufficient for her to live a comfortable lifestyle and she could easily earn significantly more that she is earning today.

Last year I lost my job, so I went back to the courts to get my alimony modified. I expected that it would be suspended until I got a new job; but instead the judge lowered the alimony slightly so that the sum of the alimony, child support, and life insurance required to cover the alimony was the same as my unemployment check. So she gets $4000 of her own income plus $1550 in alimony, while I get nothing. I am desperately looking for a new job before my cash runs out. My ex is also trying to get my new girlfriend to pay her the alimony too. What obligation should my new girlfriend have to pay my ex-wife? I guess in Oregon they consider “household income”. Ridiculous.

At a time when I am out of work and concerned how I am going to make my next mortgage payment, I am forced to continue to pay alimony. To add to the problem, my request for modification was both time consuming and costly, taking several months and, so far, over $17,000 in legal fees.

3. I have 5 children who, in 1982, were ages 5 through 12, all girls. The oldest girl lost her sight between her 6th and 8th birthday. The children’s mother took off and essentially deserted them, seeking fame and notoriety in Washington D.C. “The court that granted me custody of my 5 children also ordered me to pay permanent lifetime alimony. The children’s mother was not required to pay any child support despite the fact that she had a good job in D.C. “I went back to court and asked for child support but it was turned down – and – to add insult to injury, I was ordered to pay opposing lawyer’s fees. “Then the children’s mother petitioned for custody, alleging change in circumstances. The children and I were tossed around by the court and lawyers. The final outcome was that the petition was denied. The judge commented that the children were all well mannered, well dressed, did excellent in school and were in an excellent environment for their education. The judge also commented that the children spent many hours of quality time with their father. “The children’s mother chose not to honor the court ordered visitation schedule.“When the youngest reached 18, I was again hauled into court for more alimony on the pretence that I no longer was responsible for the children, so more money would be available as alimony. After 3 years of court hearings, the petition was turned down but I was stuck with about $85,000 in attorney fees for both sides. “Now, 28 years later, the children all on their own, and I am still … forced to pay alimony … to a capable woman, a woman who in 1986 was a candidate for Lieutenant Governor for the State of Florida. She told the people of Florida that she was capable and qualified to be their governor but told the court that she could not take care of herself. The present system permits this.”

4. I was ordered to pay $1190 in child support (3 children), $100 in periodic payment alimony, and my ex-wife is entitled to 37.5 percent of my Marine Corps Retirement. I defended my county for 20 years in Beirut, Bosnia, the first Gulf War and throughout the world. “The judge ordered that when each child turns 18, their portion of the child support converts to alimony, which 20 or so attorneys I consulted had never heard of. Also, after she gets the 37.5 percent of my retirement check, the remaining 62.5 percent gets thrown back into the ‘Pot of Money’ the judge used to determine the child support and alimony, so that she will be getting more than the 37.5 percent that our lawmakers allow her to get under the Uniform Services Former Spouse Protection Act. “My ex-wife had work history in the insurance industry, an Associates Degree, and she chooses to continue to work for a paltry $7.50 an hour.

5. The amount I am transferring to my ex wife is over 40% of my income. This is in addition to the several thousands of dollars that I paid her at the time of my divorce, money that I had to borrow and still owe. Once alimony, taxes, and insurance are deducted from my paychecks, my net income leaves me with barely enough to cover my modest mortgage and living expenses. Our original alimony agreement was created in order to ensure financial equity between our households. I agreed to the exorbitant amount to benefit my children who spend 50% of their time with their mother. I’ve worked very hard to further my career and made much advancement over the last four years. My x-wife has taken advantage of my hard work and has chosen to work at a job well below her qualifications, with the dual degrees she holds. Because of our “equity” agreement, the less she chooses to earn, the more I have to pay.

When my income decreased during 2010, I approached my x-wife, in good faith, to work with me to seek a modification that would keep our households equitable. Her response to my request for mediation has been to string me along for months with promises of an attempt to seek equality, while she was instead retaining a lawyer and has now threatened to sue me for an additional 60,000.

I have fallen in love with a woman and want to marry but – because of the amount of money I have to pay can’t afford to buy a home, or even refinance the current small home I have. Because we live in Oregon, we can’t live together or marry without putting her at risk of having my x-wife seek to take her income as she does mine. I have NO disposable income to extend beyond my basic living expenses, so while my x-wife is taking frequent trips, working at an “easy” job, and saving for her retirement, I have no retirement, my sons have no college fund, and I am living pay check to pay check.

6. I have given my ex approx. a quarter of a million dollars in the last 2 and 1/2 years, and still I pay alimony, monthly, for life.

I gave her already half my IRA, she will get 1/2 my retirement when I retire, and I bought her a house which she has sold and made 160,000 dollars on.

In the last 2 years she has been living with her boyfriend working under-employed as a part time secretary at a hospital so as to only get minimum wage and health care benefits. Prior to divorce she had worked for approx. 20 years a full time medical transcriptionist making almost as much as me.

7. My ex-wife had an affair. While the court would not recognize it despite the testified evidence of numerous late night phone calls to his place of work, the suspicious “picnic lunches” at a location hours away from town, etc, an affair took place for almost a year. Without knowing all of this at the time, she asked me for a divorce and then wanted full custody of our children, despite the devotion and involvement I was and am in their lives. That being said, my ex-wife hired an unethical attorney, who believed in a scorched earth policy to ensure his client was awarded the bulk of the estate and the hours he billed were astronomical. At trial, I was portrayed as a horrible husband and person, which is the farthest from the truth. The “spin” the attorney put on day-to-day aspects of life in order to make one out to be “the bad guy” was mind boggling and eye-opening to how the family court system is truly flawed. The unethical tactics and manipulation my ex-wife allowed her attorney to do in court was unconscionable, all to achieve money. The judge in my trial clearly did not understand the concept of pre-tax and after-tax assets and awarded my ex-wife approximately 85+% of the assets acquired during the marriage, in addition to enormous amounts of alimony and child support for 16 years although I was not married that long. Given this huge amount of money she was receiving, I was still ordered to pay for everything for the children (private schools, clothes, sports/extra cirricular, trips, supplies, etc….everything!). I was also ordered to secure a life insurance policy for millions and name her as beneficiary. This “alimony sentence” I was given through my early 60’s, has prohibited me to save for retirement and continue to live the life I would like with my new wife, yet the judge ordered me to keep her in the life to which SHE was “accustomed”. Despite the fact she is an educated woman capable of working and supporting herself in the lifestyle she desires.

Even worse, is that the ex-wife has been living with another man for 5+ years. Despite the emotional toll and unsettling environment my ex’s living arrangement has taken on the children, she continues to fight for alimony even though the divorce decree states it ends when living with a man that is not her husband. Yet the flawed CT cohabitation law is written that the domestic partner must also provide financial support to her household. Why would the live-in provide financial support when the ex-wife has substantial amounts of money? Therefore, the alimony now becomes support of BOTH of them!

8. I was scammed by a woman who married me with the intent to divorce later – at 15 years. It was her second marriage and she knew the legal system all too well. Over the years, she was careful to make herself appear like she contributed to the marriage. But the reality is that she contributed very little. She made sure that she never had a job. Although I worked sometimes 60 hours per week, I spent more time raising my son than the EX, and performed most of the homemaker duties. Just for good measure, near the end of the marriage, the EX tricked me into getting deep into debt by insisting on purchasing various properties. She went so far as to convince me that by adopting a baby girl would fill a void in our marriage. I thought it was for love, but found out too late that is was simply a

calculated legal move. After only a couple of weeks after the adoption, the EX told me that the girl was my problem.

“So I worked full time, took care of my 10-year old son, and now a baby girl. The EX started openly bar hopping and staying out almost all night. The EX had me just where she wanted me and now she was just biding her time until the marriage clock hit 15 years.”

“The EX wants me to move out, but because of the debts, I could not afford to. In order to get me out of the house, the EX falsely claims that I sexually molested our adopted daughter, who was only 4 at the time. The EX said with a big smiling grin ‘I have got you now!”

“Child Protective Services subsequently investigated this and found her claims to be completely baseless. The CPS representative even told me how to file a complaint against the EX for the false accusation. However, my lawyer advised me that the courts do not like such “sticky situations” and therefore advised me not to file a complaint. Through this investigation my boss, work associates, and customers were all aware of the allegations against me. Although I was exonerated, there would always be a stigma of doubt with them. I finally realized the level of evil that I was dealing with and that the EX will stop at nothing. She starts trying to get my son to turn against me. I come home from work one day and the sheriff deputies are waiting for me outside my front door. I am informed that the EX will claim domestic violence unless I leave. So I did with only the clothes on my back. I spent the next 4 days and nights living in the Wal-Mart parking lot. I had to bath and clean in their restroom. I was nearly arrested….

“In an attempt to avoid the attorneys from ruining us financially, I offered the Ex a deal. She can have the marital residence paid for, she can have $150,000 in cash, and I will pay child support. The EX tells me to ‘Go to Hell,’ and walks out on mediation.

“We go to court in the summer of 2007 and the EX spends the first 4 hours character assassinating me. I tell my lawyer that she is constantly lying, but he responds that Florida is a ‘no fault’ state and her testimony is irrelevant. So she gets away with depicting me as a monster and herself as a tireless-hardworking-loving-saint…. Our rookie Judge X, who was seeing his first divorce case, bought into her lies and handed down an extraordinary unfair ruling. She would keep the house while I paid 75% of the first and second mortgages for the next 16 years, she gets half of my the 401K ($250,000), I am denied all of my pre-marital assets totaling $150,000, she also gets half of my $45,000 inheritance, she keeps our daughter’s state stipend as hers although this is expressly meant for the child. She even gets a car allowance, child support, and $3,005 per month permanent life time alimony. The judge gave her $5 extra so she would not be burdened with the state fee of 5 bucks.

“I get to pay her attorney’s fees. I get to pay half of her extraordinarily high credit card debts. My equitable distribution of $50,000 is put on hold for 12 years with no interest accumulating, so inflation will reduce it to next to nothing. All of this nearly bankrupted me. I am stripped of everything and humiliated. I made less than $1,300 per week and it was taking $3,200 per week pay the court-ordered payments. I had nothing to eat except one peanut butter sandwich for supper each night, and I lost over 50 pounds in just a few

weeks…. I was forced to default on all credit cards…. I had to deal with 2 additional lawsuits

filed against me by banks. I worked 2nd and 3rd jobs that did not pay much.

“At the Kennedy Space Center, I was the lead propellants engineer supporting the space shuttle and now I was nearly homeless. The judge in his arrogance even wrote in the final judgment that he impoverished me. All of this was affecting me at work. The EX and her agents harassed me at work and sent me inappropriate emails in an attempt to get me fired. They even resort to harassing me at my home. I was reaching a breaking point. I am eventually demoted and removed from my position as lead engineer, which I had held for 16 years and nearly 100 Space Shuttle launches….”