


It appears outgoing President Obama’s ability to send the right-wing into a paroxysm of blind rage and conspiratory paranoia has not abated despite his leaving the Oval Office to enjoy some much-deserved rest.

The unveiling of President Obama’s presidential portrait on Monday sent conservatives into a sadly predictable frenzy, especially once they discovered that the artist Kehinde Wiley had previously painted an image of a black woman decapitating a white woman; the explanation that it was based on the biblical story of Judith was not accepted by Trump fans, who immediately declared that this was evidence of some kind of anti-white agenda and used it as an excuse to heap abuse upon our beloved ex-president and his beautiful portrait.

But it was FOX News’ Sean Hannity, the man whose show bridges the gap between your run-of-the-mill garden variety racist and the “pizzagate” brand of delusional paranoiacs, who decided to take a closer look at the painting – and discovered a terrifying secret.

A secret sperm, that is.

Hannity.com published a story today about how they discovered that the Wiley had painted secret images of sperm cells into the president’s official portrait.

The widening scandal surrounding former President Barack Obama’s official portrait continued to swirl on Tuesday, with shocking allegations the artist included ‘secret sperm cells’ within the painting and once joked about “Killing Whitey” during an interview. Controversy surrounding Kehinde Wiley’s wildly non-traditional portrait of the Commander-in-Chief broke out within minutes of its unveiling; with industry insiders claiming the artist secretly inserted his trademark technique -concealing images of sperm within his paintings.

Add your name to millions demanding Congress take action on the President’s crimes. IMPEACH TRUMP & PENCE!

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If you look closely, you can indeed see a line snaking up the side of the President’s head – a line that could be a sperm cell, if you were looking for any reason to drum up controversy over something insanely pedestrian – just like one might see satanic symbols on the walls in a pizza shop if one really, really wanted to.

Or it’s just a vein in his head.

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Even if he did draw a sperm in corner for his own personal amusement, who the hell cares? It’s not like sperm is offensive or racially charged or inherently demonic – the Catholic Church, which Hannity is a member of, is well-known for their, uh, strong opinions on the sanctity of the male seed.

It’s probably just the racism.

Secret sperm thing is an example of one of oldest expressions of racism in America: white anxieties about blackness/black masculinity tied to fear of literal sperm's potential to dilute whiteness in America. Which is all you need to know re Sean Hannity's worries re Barack Obama. — Rebecca Traister (@rtraister) February 13, 2018

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For Hannity himself to be complaining about “secret perversions” while working for FOX News is an incredible show of cognitive dissonance, seeing as the only thing the FOX churns out as fast as they do brain-melting propaganda is sexual harassment lawsuits.

It just goes to show that far from mellowing with the election of President Trump, the rabid MAGA chuds have grown even more deranged and delusional, grasping at any possible thread to discredit and demean our nation’s first black president as a way to distract themselves from the stupid, lazy, slob we have currently spilling ketchup on the carpet in the Oval Office.

UPDATE: It appears that Hannity has deleted the “secret sperm” story after being called out by Media Matters For America researcher Brendan Karet, who subjects his poor mind to the horrors of right-wing media so that we don’t have to.