Even the perfect storm of phantom missing voters, Igor’s premium Twitter ads, Comey’s partisan treachery, obviously credible-sounding rumors about victims of ritual slaughter disguised as pepperoni, and the wholly unexpected advent of the pesky Electoral College in the midst of Cold War II is not exhaustive of the reasons why Clinton believes she really should be sitting in the White House right now. It’s also the left’s fault, you see.

Clinton said that, like the alt right, the “far left,” by which she seemed to mean supporters of Sen. Bernie Sanders, are basically all misogynists. “They say they don’t have a problem with all women, just this one woman. Then who is a woman they will support?” I don’t know, Madame Secretary, maybe Jill Stein, the preferred candidate of the hippie outside the auditorium who was handing out pamphlets calling you a war criminal? Elizabeth Warren? Rosa DeLauro? Someone who, you know, actually represents their views and does not think reinstating Glass-Steagall would be pointless and actually sees the downside of deliberately escalating tensions with major foreign powers who share our commitment to defeating ISIS.