Dear Angela,

I'm not Mormon, but some of my family members are. One relative is engaged and will be married in a Mormon temple. She has invited me to the reception and said that since I can't attend the wedding in the temple, perhaps I could help set up the reception in the local meetinghouse cultural hall.

I'm not sure how to respond to this. I know that many Mormon couples plan their weddings and receptions as practical as possible in terms of budget, but I feel like I'm being treated like a servant — perhaps even a subtle punishment because my religious belief doesn't line up with the belief of the happy couple. I want to support my family member because family is important to me. I've always been respectful of her spirituality. My feelings are hurt. Is this normal for Mormon weddings?

— WeddingSue

Dear WeddingSue,

Yes, it’s normal, but "normalcy" doesn’t discount your feelings.

Talk with the bride ASAP so she can give you the validation you need. When it comes to family, we all want to feel like we belong and like we’re valued — it’s OK to voice that. I also wonder if there is more than just this wedding day request that's causing you to feel this way? If there is, talk about that, too.

I'd also add that you're not necessarily alone in how you feel. Temple sealings are a sacred part of the union of many couples who are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints — but it can be a little uncomfortable on wedding day when only temple recommend holders are able to be in attendance at that session. I think everyone gets that. Still, the awkwardness can be eased with clear communication, demonstrated gratitude and inclusion towards all family members.

Giving your family the benefit of the doubt, I think they’d be horrified to know that you’re hurting and will want to do everything they can to embrace you with love.

Let us know how the talk goes.

Love,

Angela

Readers: I know a lot of Latter-day Saint families include non-LDS relatives on their wedding day by asking them to help with reception prep. In light of WeddingSue's perspective, perhaps there is a better way. What have you done in the past? Any ideas?

Angela Trusty gives advice about religion and relationships. Submit a topic to askangela.dn@gmail.com

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