McDonald's Happy Meals have been in the headlines lately, with activist group Center for Science in the Public Interest (CSPI) threatening to sue them for "using toys to lure small children into McDonald's."

The official response from the CEO of the nation's purveyors of burgers and fries is in, and it's kind of badass:

CSPI's twisted characterization of McDonald's as "the stranger in the playground handing out candy to children" is an insult to every one of our franchisees and employees around the world. When CSPI refers to America's children as "an unpaid drone army," you similarly denigrate parents and families, because they are fully capable of making their own decisions. You should apologize…. The public does not support your lawsuit. Internet sites, blogs and network surveys suggest that public opinion is running overwhelmingly against your premise. Our customer websites and phone lines at McDonald's are also busy, with more than nine out of 10 customers disagreeing with your agenda. Parents, in particular, strongly believe they have the right and responsibility to decide what's best for their children, not CSPI. It really is that simple.

Next step: McDonald's CEO vows to include tiny airline-sized bottle of vodka in special edition adults-only Happy Meals. Sigh. If only…

Happy Meals are still in trouble in Santa Clara county, however.