Nearly 25% of pregnancies end in a loss (American Association, 2015; Office of Women’s Health, 2015). If approximately one million expectant parents per year experience a loss, why do people struggle on how to act towards them? Most people are well intended and want to be supportive, but have no idea how to go there.

A loss is a loss and can happen at any pregnancy stage for any reason. Unfortunately, a positive pregnancy test does not guarantee a healthy baby. The nature of the loss is nobody’s business. Parents are entitled to feel whatever they feel, so here are some dos and don’ts on how to support them at this stage:

DO

Realize they might be in a vulnerable place.

Show a random act of kindness to make them smile.

Listen if they need an ear, no matter how painful the story.

Respect whatever they need, whether it is space or company.

Let them know they are in your thoughts.

Be patient when they do not seem like themselves.

DON’T

Mention having another baby.

Ask questions; they will tell you what they want you to know.

Flaunt babies, since it can be a painful reminder of what they lost.

Minimize the situation.

Judge if it seems like they are taking a long time to bounce back.

Hopefully, the parents will heal their souls and will be “themselves” again. They will be in a better place and it will not be as awkward for you. All you can do is be there.

References:

American Pregnancy Association (2015) http://americanpregnancy.org/pregnancy-complications/miscarriage/

Office of Women’s Health, (2015) http://womenshealth.gov/pregnancy/you-are-pregnant/pregnancy-loss.html