“Bill Barr refused to publicly defend the president? Something is seriously wrong. That’s like Nicolas Cage turning down a movie role.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“In a series of rage tweets this morning, he wrote ‘A fake Washington Post con job.’ ‘Totally untrue and just another fake news story,’ ‘lowlife reporters,’ ‘pure fiction’ from a ‘garbage newspaper.’ He said this ‘never happened’ and there were ‘no sources,’ which means it definitely happened and there are multiple sources.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Of course, there’s only one way to make sure a story about Trump is true, and that’s if he rage-tweets his denial: ‘Bill Barr did not decline my request to talk about Ukraine. The story was a fake Washington Post con job with an ‘anonymous’ source that doesn’t exist. Just read the transcript. The Justice Department already ruled that the call was good. We don’t have freedom of the press!’ I’m not sure what to make of that last sentence. Is that a complaint or is that a new executive order? [imitating Trump] ‘We don’t have freedom of the press. Write that down. While we’re at it, we’re also getting rid of that one where we can’t covet other people’s wives. Have you seen that chick Jared’s with? Exactly my type.” — STEPHEN COLBERT