Fears grow as ITV viewers work out how to access the Internet

The quality of winners at last night’s National Television Awards has led to growing concerns that ITV viewers may have evolved to such an extent that the ‘Internet’ is no longer completely beyond them.



It had previously been believed that the average ITV viewer is far too cerebrally challenged to use a computer keyboard effectively, but an award for I’m A Celebrity… Get me Out Of Here! has put that theory in doubt.

Some critics have said it’s not just the online votes of viewers that are to blame for the lack of anything remotely entertaining receiving an award, but also the poor quality of nominees.

“I think any awards show that includes a nomination for Loose Women is fundamentally flawed,” stated one television owner.

“Unless it’s for ‘Most Gratuitous Use of Harridans’ or ‘Daytime TV show that you would most like to see attacked by a Lion’.”

“Either of those would get my vote.”

National Television Awards

The outcome of the awards show, which was aired on ITV yesterday evening, has led to calls for the ITV-viewing public to be removed from any decision-making process associated with choosing the eventual winners.

Rumours are already circulating that a new more accurate selection process could result in awards being given to the dangerously limited number of talented people that can be found on the nation’s TV channels.

“Yeah, we were thinking about getting an octopus to decide the winners next year,” confirmed an ITV spokesman.