Folk Punk Guy Up Next at Basement Show Asks to Borrow Bassoon

ALLSTON, Mass. — Local musician Doug Robinson attempted to borrow a bassoon last night for his set with folk-punk octet Rat Solidarity, assuming one of the other 12 bands on the show would have one available, many bassoon-less sources confirmed.

“I didn’t think this would be such an issue. I figured, with all the bands, plus the eight or so people in the crowd, someone’s gotta have a bassoon with them,” said Robinson. “I mean, I even brought my own reed — I’m willing to share gear, but reeds are personal.”

Unfortunately, nobody playing or attending had one to lend.

“Not Bus Punx, not Forty Ounce Bandit, not even Alligator Bait,” said Robinson. “Yeah, the flautist from Toxic Shock had an oboe, but that’s not a bassoon — there’s no way I’d ever be caught dead paying a fucking oboe. We aren’t like those posers in Working Hand; they’re just a bunch of band geeks who heard Flogging Molly once.”

A recent bike accident reportedly left Robinson’s instrument in disrepair.

“I was riding back to the squat after band practice when my butt-flap got caught in my cereal-box back-wheel fender. One thing led to another, and next thing I know, I’m going over the handlebars and my bassoon is in pieces,” said Robinson exposing a scar on his shoulder as evidence of the fall. “I hope I can fix it, but glue is fucking expensive these days, man. I need to make a few bucks from this show, or at least save some money on beer.”

Despite the difficulties finding a backup bassoon, Robinson’s bandmates in Rat Solidarity remained hopeful about their upcoming set.

“Look, man — it all comes down to what this shit is all about: resourcefulness, community, and playing all our songs a little bit faster than we really know how to,” said lead lyre player Shelly Eagle. “If we have to go without the bassoon, maybe everyone in the band could whistle really loud… or do some off time foot stomps to get the crowd into it.”

At press time, Robinson was attempting to fashion a double-reed instrument from the copper and lead pipes lying around the venue.

Photo by Kat Chish.