A woman in Louisiana knows a thing or two about mystery.

Police say Ashley Beth Rolland was accused of stealing $5,000 from a man while he was in the shower.

Who gets in the shower with $5,000 lying around? Hasn’t he heard of a debit card? And by the way, all that cash is waterproof.

Guess he trusted her — as per an affidavit, she’d been staying with the guy for about a week when the theft took place.

Reportedly, Ashley confessed to the West Monroe Police Department that she did indeed swipe the dough. Hence, she got an escort to the slammer.

Once there, the busted brunette was searched by a (female) correctional officer. I mean the kind of inspection where they really get to know ya.

Subsequently, the cop made a discovery. Think of it as sort of a looped Russian doll situation:

Ashley was in a Ouachita Parish jail.

The search was insightful.

The discovery of drugs was intriguing

The devil was in the details.

The meth was in the bag.

The bag was in the vagina.

The vagina was in Ashley.

Repeat.

Even so, call Scooby-Doo: The 23-year-old swore she had no idea how it’d gotten there.

"Ashley Beth Rolland, 23, allegedly told police the drugs inside of her vagina were not hers." I swear officer, it is not even my vagina… (!?!)https://t.co/LfDq9qhDxK pic.twitter.com/Ylr6xr58X7 — Paragraf XIII (@paragraf_13) August 7, 2019

Along with the 1 gram of Breaking Bad goodness, her vagina contained an unexplained wad of $6,233.

I’ve gone through my day and collected gum on my shoe; I’ve discovered fuzz on my shirt. I had no clue as to when either foreign substance had joined me.

But you gotta really not be paying attention…

Someone get Ashley a Dr. Pepper; she needs a concentration boost.

Hopefully, they have ’em in the Clink — her bond’s been set at a whopping $8,000. That’s like two colons’ worth.

Maybe it’s better that she’s safely behind bars. Being that it’s Louisiana, she could use something keeping her away from New Orleans — word is, the place is full of pick-pockets.

The poor girl wouldn’t stand a chance.

Still, if and when Ashley gets out, I’ve found her a boyfriend:

13-Time Felon Accidentally Shoots Himself In The Testicles While Carrying Drugs In His Anus – As You Do

-ALEX

Find all my RedState work here.

See 3 more pieces from me:

ULTIMATE WOKE: School Bans Mother’s Day Because It’s ‘Hurtful,’ Trades It In For Something More Inclusive

Arnold Schwarzenegger Gets Violently Attacked In South Africa, & The Video Is Incredible

A MUST-WATCH: Man’s Fishing Line Breaks, So He Dives Into The Freezing Water To Catch The Fish By Hand

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