It’s rough when your doctor starts coming for you and your iron levels. And it’s important to put them in their place for their insults, even if they’re ultimately trying to improve your health. You may need iron supplements, but they’re going to need ice—for these burns!

When They Totally Shade Your Energy

THEY SAY: “So, you’ve been feeling sluggish?”

YOU SAY: “Yeah, what of it? I also experience frequent headaches and shortness of breath. Got a problem?”

When They Claim You’re Not #FitnessGoals

THEY SAY: “It sounds like there might be a problem. Does the shortness of breath occur while exercising?”

YOU SAY: “Yes, it does! I have nothing to hide. Sometimes, I even feel dizzy and fall down. I won’t apologize for it!”

When They Call You Ugly

THEY SAY: “I’m not asking you to apologize. These aren’t criticisms, they’re symptoms. Now, I’m noticing your skin is looking kind of pale—”

YOU SAY: “Oh, excuse me for not getting a tan before going to the doctor! I’ll be sure to come back hotter next time. I’ll even get a manicure! Once my nails stop breaking 24/7!”

When They Just Don’t Get You

THEY SAY: “Your fingernails are breaking?”

YOU SAY: Yeah, they’re extremely brittle—and guess what! So is my hair. Doc, I’m not your average gal.”

When They Try to Leech Off You

THEY SAY: “Okay, I think we need to do some bloodwork.”

YOU SAY: “So that’s what you’re after. You people always want something.”

When They Throw Labels at You

THEY SAY: “I don’t want your blood, I—this is for your benefit! It’s your health! It’s possible that you’re anemic.”

YOU SAY: “Oh, sure, call me names! Take my blood! See if I care! Haters are my motivators, pressure creates diamonds, and if you can’t handle me at my worst—wait, I’m getting a little light-headed. Give me a sec.”

When They Judge You

THEY SAY: “Yeah, we’re going to go ahead with the blood test. This fatigue, dizziness, your skin and nails… I’m fairly confident you have an iron deficiency.”

YOU SAY: “Wow, you are a troll, set on dulling my sparkle. You’re actually making me feel pretty woozy.”

When They Boss You Around

THEY SAY: “I recommend taking a daily supplement.”

YOU SAY: “Oh, yes, your recommendations please! I’m desperate for a rando hater’s opinion on what I should do every day. #TakeASeat”

When They Might Be Right—Psych!

THEY SAY: “For God’s sake, I’m your doctor and I’m concerned about you. You’re seriously unwell! ”

YOU SAY: “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I am iron deficient in a pretty major way. Maybe it is abnormal to be shaken awake on the floor of my gym by a panicked employee every time I work out. Maybe it is time for a change…NOT! Sorry, Doc! Good luck getting this girl to ever stop being 100% herself! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go lie down in the dark for a few hours because my brain is sore and sunlight hurts. Ta-ta!”

Test out these fierce clapbacks at your next doctor’s appointment and we guarantee you’ll have the last laugh, no matter what essential minerals your organs are desperate for!