Much of Japan has, historically, had an affinity for anything furry, plush, or animated (see Hello Kitty, Pokemon, et al). That is, perhaps, the only reasonable explanation for the restaurant they just opened in Tokyo: an homage to the movie Ted.

Let that sink in.

The movie premiered in Japan nearly four years ago, and they’ve just now gotten around to capitalizing on its popularity. Seth MacFarlane must be thrilled. Or as confused as we are.

When Ted 2 opened in 2015, the polite police of Japan toned the lewdness way down. Like, so far down it was released as Ted 2 “I Can’t Wait Until I Become an Adult” and was rated PG12. In other words, Ted got a lobotomy, which made him just slightly dirtier than Paddington.

Fast forward a year later. Ted Cafe & Bar is for whatever reason crazy popular. According to RocketNews24, the place is decorated with stuffed teddy bears, serves pizza and burgers replete with Ted’s visage upon them, and stays open serving Ted-themed cocktails until 3 AM. (You haven’t lived, we’re guessing, until you’ve shut a bar down, while pounding drinks inspired by a film about a foul-mouthed stuffed animal. Or, certainly, until you’ve gazed upon photos of dogs. In pools. On floaties. But we digress most seriously, and we must return to this serious matter at hand.)

Now, where were we again? Ah yes: so when you try to disinfect a dirty movie, chances are you’ll be left with some seriously messed-up transference, as is the case with this place. We’re not sure Japan knows the meaning behind two of their most popular tag lines, which are printed on everything, including the menus: “Excuse me, where’s your non-jerk off bathroom?” and “That’s what you get for fuckin exercisin’!”

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Major props and blessings to you and your special kind of quirkiness, Japan. But seriously, where is your non-jerk off bathroom?

Posted By: Julien Perry