During my own deployment to Afghanistan in 2011 there was some dispute over the head scarf. Some folks said it wasn’t a part of the uniform. Others argued that as soldiers we needed to be culturally sensitive to the country we were in. Some thought that wearing it meant giving up all that American women had worked so hard for. Either way, it was something the men never had to deal with or worry about.

The difficulties of trying to balance my own beliefs with Afghan culture became clear when I visited a small village located in Oruzgan Province, in the center of Afghanistan, with a Female Engagement Team. It was a district that was controlled by the Taliban until an uprising in 2010.

It was the first time I was able to sit and talk to Afghan women. I remember walking into a mud house with a series of rooms around a rectangular courtyard. We were greeted by children, too many to count, and were led into a small room scattered with pillows and rugs on the ground. I found it amazing that these women, who knew nothing about us other than that we were Americans, would invite us into their homes and offer what little they had — rice, bread and tea.

We talked through an interpreter. They immediately asked if I was married, and were curious when I told them I wasn’t. I smiled at their reaction. “My mother keeps asking me that question too,” I said. “I think it’s because I don’t know how to cook.” One of the women smiled back.

They appeared comfortable in a room with other women. They’d remove their scarves and we would talk. Mostly about families and children. One of the daughters peeked into the room and quietly entered. She had gorgeous green eyes, and must have been around 13.

Her mother introduced her and told us she would be married in the summer. I kept a straight face, something I was already quickly learning to do on deployment. How are you supposed to react when someone tells you that a 13-year-old girl is going to get married?