In a rough turn of events for Australia’s premier festival, noted music ‘fan’, moshpit groper, and Amy Shark-hater, Alex Creek (22), has delivered a serious body blow to the reputation of Splendour in the Grass, describing its lineup as ‘weak.’

‘Who the fuck is Chance the Rapper, and where’s Sticky Fingers?’ asked the music aficionado in a Facebook comment, receiving a whopping twelve likes largely from men with bumbags strapped across bare chests in their profile pictures.

Responses to his comment were limited to words of support, such as ‘Fark, can’t get sticky with sticky fingers, that’s dog as,’ and ‘Tame Impala sold out bro.’

The Obiter managed to get a hold of Creek for an exclusive interview, despite his busy schedule studying Business at QUT.

‘Yeah its just kind of tragic really,’ choked the 22-year old between tears.

‘Last year I got to tell everyone how fucked I was during Kendrick, Khalid and Dune Rats. How am I supposed to do that with this trash lineup?’

We here at The Obiter prefer to merely state the facts and let you, the noble reader, decide on your opinion. But this humble writer cannot stay silent while such a blatant abuse of human rights takes place.

And like literally everyone these days who thinks something disagreeable has happened, we demand a Royal Commission. Mr Morrison, this country begs you for a Royal Commission, with the terms of reference to be governed by a simple question.

Where are the headliners?

More to come, after Alex finds out that Chance The Rapper sung ‘All Night,’ which inspired his group of only male friends to chant ‘all night, I’ve been drinking all night, I’ve been drinking all night,’ at the most inopportune moment.