Source: Alamy

THE AFTERLIFE (The Borowitz Report)—In a rare public statement from beyond the grave, Andrew Johnson, the seventeenth President of the United States, said that he was “horrified” that history books will now mention him in the same sentence as Donald J. Trump.

Making his first utterance since he died, in 1875, the spectral Johnson said, “As someone who has actually experienced death, I can safely say that being mentioned in the same breath as Trump is a fate worse than that.”

“I could deal with history remembering me as the first U.S. President to be impeached,” he said. “But knowing that I will now appear in the first line of Trump’s obituary is, to put it mildly, devastating.”

“What have I done to deserve this?” Johnson asked.

Although being linked with Trump for eternity was “something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy,” Johnson conceded that there was a silver lining to Trump’s Presidency.

“Finally, I’m no longer considered the worst President in history,” he said.