LONDON – After a thorough cleaning Rodney Rubberts discovered that what he thought was his laptop was actually an empty pizza box he’s been typing on for months.

“I just got frustrated,” stated Rubberts, a local indie cologne designer. “My emails weren’t being responded to and I could never connect to any wifi so I decided to give the old comp a wipedown and man I could not believe when it turned out I had been trying to load Excel onto this old Domino’s box.”

The discovery came as a relief to Rubberts who had become concerned about his health due to his hands constantly smelling of cheese. He also worried about his vision when every YouTube clip just looked like grey cardboard.

Holt Braxter, Rubberts’ business partner knew something was up but hadn’t wanted to intrude. “I remember this one time he tried to reboot his comp by holding down the power button but the button was actually a pepperoni.”

At press time Rupperts had found his actual laptop in the fridge, sitting on top of two ‘still pretty good’ slices of pizza.