“Every time, people have asked, ‘Is this the thing? Surely, this must be the thing.’ And every time, it wasn’t the thing. But here’s the thing: There’s a new thing, and it might be the thing.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“More than 180 House Democrats are now in favor of impeaching President Trump. It’s like the old saying goes, ‘Work with a foreign government to undermine a democratic election once, shame on you; do it twice, we’re going to inquire about the possibility of doing something this time. Maybe. We’ll see. Possibly. I don’t know.’” — JAMES CORDEN

“You better keep your kids away from Twitter, people, because this thing is going to be a Category 5 tweet storm and this one will hit Alabama.” — TREVOR NOAH

“And as bad as it is for America, think of what it felt like for Ukraine. These guys are fighting off Russian invasion, they’re at war, now they have to deal with this? [In Ukrainian accent] ‘Comrade, we need more ammunition!’ ‘What do you mean more ammunition?’ ‘No more bullets until we dig up dirt on Joe Biden.’” — TREVOR NOAH