LONDON—Calling it the “nation’s foremost duty” to protect their 71-year-old heir apparent, the British royal family ordered 67 million citizens Wednesday to evacuate the United Kingdom until Prince Charles recovered from the novel coronavirus. “Starting immediately, all residents are hereby instructed to gather their necessary belongings, cross the border into nearby Europe, and allow Charles at least 14 days to self isolate in his country,” said royal spokeswoman Evelyn Robinson, adding that citizens should quickly board planes, trains, and boats to create a safe distance of 2,000 miles between the Prince of Wales and the nearest commoner. “In the wake of this country’s devastating Covid-19 outbreak, we want to remind all English, Scottish, and Irish nationals that choosing to remain quarantined places Prince Charles, and his wife, Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, for that matter, at an extremely high risk. To the Kingdom of Great Britain, we ask: What would you rather do? Simply take a few days to wade out into the English Channel? Or remain in the country, knowing that if a member of the royal family dies, there will be blood on your hands?” At press time, Robinson ordered all U.K. citizens to be as silent as possible when leaving the country, so as not to awaken Prince Charles from his afternoon nap.

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