Firstly, Santa, I'm finally free from the tyranny of the South African Customs Office. It took a while, but I got your care-package.

Firstly, TAKE A LOOK AT THAT CAP. It says "GOT FREEDOM?" Well, now I do!

And to ensure that I keep my Freedom, I also got 50' of Survival Cord. So that I can tie someone else up and, by extension, MAKE MYSELF THE MOST FREE PERSON IN THE ROOM.

Then, there's the anti-bacterial towel! So that I can officially declare that WE DO NOT NEGOTIATE WITH BODY ODOR!

I also got Spaghetti rations! "Warfighter Recommended, Warfighter Tested, Warfighter Approved™" Well, next time my SO is out of town and I'm FREEING THE SHT OUT OF* pixelated NPCs, I will be able to continue fighting at full capacity.

There's also a waterproof notebook, jokes aside, which is pretty damn useful. Winters are very wet here, so it'll be useful to keep in my jacket.

The only thing I'm concerned about is the Chem-Lights. I think my Santa's gift was tampered with, because they're RED. Not RED, WHITE and BLUE. Just RED. Commie infiltration? I don't know...

All and all, I want to thank my Santa for the amazing gift. I would never be able to get hold of this stuff in South Africa and I really appreciate that someone from an APO took the time to put together such a cool care package. It's a great start to my bug-out bag!