Don’t get me wrong: I love beer week and am very excited for some of the events! But if you scroll through the Beer Week website calendar (which is a fricking nightmare) you will see that many businesses are understandably trying to jump on the bandwagon, with amusing results.

I think the solution to this crowded-up calendar is that a few events per day surface as the obvious key events and should be on a calendar of their own. So should every event that occurs every single night of beer night. See! Not just talking shit – offering solutions.

Going through the ENTIRE calendar I was surprised to find that the majority of the events show some effort. Even the Pacifico event at Centro includes hop-infused booze so I’ll give it a pass. I might even go try the booze. Here are my top nine lamest, in no particular order:

Wear a beer tshirt and get 50 cents off beer at SoCal’s 50 cents?! What is this, 1972? And the name of it is sexist, to boot!

A blind-tasting flight of 4 mass-market Asian beers for 5 bucks at Thai Canteen. You win a small “Thai plate” if you guess right. I actually totally love this one.

Appearing on the list again…a cryptic event at SoCal’s. Seems to at least be beer-related and only slightly sexist.

“Winter Warmer Beer Dinner” at 1022. This one makes the list mostly because it costs 50 bucks and they don’t tell you what the beers are.

Socal’s for the trifecta! “A Night Near Belgium” of beers “from or inspired by Belgium”. Featuring…Shock Top. Fail.

Am I mean enough to make fun of an event that is centered around puppies? Apparently so.

This one just does not make any sense whatsoever. “Comedy skits based on suggestions, stories from the audience and beer”??

Not so much a Beer Week special as a happy hour special at Nishiki: $7 sushi and Sapporo. This is one of the ones clogging up the calendar every day.

The appealingly named “Clear The Fridge Day”. Come to the Rind and drink the beer that didn’t sell during Beer Week! Hope it’s discounted.

Three funniest venues: the restaurant inside the Hyatt, The Melting Pot and Swabbies. But their event themes are not too bad.

Seemingly lame but not actually lame award: did you know Pete’s Pizza has beer brewed for them by Firestone Walker? However, this is all the time so unless their special taps are really special it’s not worth visiting during beer week. But still interesting.

Award for cutest events (they are trying!) goes to Fanny Ann’s. Old Sac represent!

Most surprisingly good? Barwest has Deschutes Abyss 2013 on March 4rd.