As they grow, children need to know more about sex than just the facts of life. They should also have “their perceptive powers trained to distinguish both right and wrong.” (Hebrews 5:14) In short, they need values​—a moral code made up of strongly held beliefs about sex—​along with conduct that conforms to those beliefs. How can you inculcate good values in your teenager?

Start by considering your own values. For example, you may strongly believe that fornication​—sex between unmarried individuals—​is wrong. (1 Thessalonians 4:3) Likely, your children know your position on the matter; they may even be able to quote Bible passages that back up your beliefs. When questioned, they may readily answer that premarital sex is wrong.

But more is needed. The book Sex Smart observes that some youths may outwardly agree with their parents’ beliefs about sex. The book states: “They feel too uncertain to form their own opinions. When they stumble into an unexpected situation and face an immediate dilemma about ‘how far to go,’ they find themselves mixed up and in real trouble.” This is precisely why values are essential. How can you help your teen acquire them?

Make your values clear.

Do you believe that sex should be reserved for marriage? Then tell your teen, clearly and often. According to the book Beyond the Big Talk, research reveals that “in homes where parents have given their teen children clear messages that indicate that they disapprove of teens having intercourse, these teens are more likely to delay becoming involved in sexual intercourse.”

Of course, as mentioned earlier, simply stating your values does not guarantee that your son or daughter will choose to live by them. However, solid family values will provide a foundation upon which children can build their own. And studies have found that many youths do eventually adopt their parents’ values even if during the teen years the children seem to have put them in storage.

TRY THIS: Use a news event to initiate a discussion and communicate your values. For example, if a sex crime is reported, you might say: “I’m appalled at the way some men try to take advantage of women. Where do you think they get such ideas?”

Teach the whole truth about sex.

Warnings are necessary. (1 Corinthians 6:18; James 1:14, 15) However, the Bible primarily portrays sex as a gift of God, not as a trap of Satan. (Proverbs 5:18, 19; Song of Solomon 1:2) Telling your teens only about the dangers may leave them with a distorted, unscriptural view of the topic. “My parents put a lot of emphasis on sexual immorality,” says a young woman in France named Corrina, “and that gave me a negative attitude toward sex relations.”

Make sure that your children get the whole truth about sex. “What I have always tried to get across to my teens,” says a mother in Mexico named Nadia, “is that sex is beautiful and natural and that Jehovah God gave it to humans for them to enjoy. But it has its proper place within marriage. It can give us happiness or suffering, depending on how we use it.”

TRY THIS: The next time you talk to your teen about sex, end the discussion on a positive note. Do not be afraid to portray sex as a wonderful gift from God that he or she can enjoy in the future as a married person. Convey confidence that until that time your teen can adhere to God’s standards.

Help your teen to evaluate the consequences.

To make good decisions in any aspect of life, teenagers need to know how to identify options and then weigh the pros and cons of each option. Do not think that their simply knowing what is right and what is wrong is enough. “Reflecting on the mistakes of my youth,” says a Christian woman in Australia named Emma, “I can say that just knowing God’s standards doesn’t mean you agree with them. Understanding the benefits of those standards​—and the consequences of violating them—​is vital.”

The Bible can help, for many of its commands are reinforced by phrases that set forth the consequences of wrongdoing. For example, Proverbs 5:8, 9 urges young men to shun fornication “that you may not give to others your dignity.” As those verses indicate, those who engage in premarital sex sacrifice a degree of their character, integrity, and self-respect. And that makes them far less attractive to any potential mate who has those qualities. Reflecting on the physical, emotional, and spiritual dangers of disregarding God’s laws can bolster your teen’s resolve to live by them.

TRY THIS: Use illustrations to help your teen see the wisdom of God’s standards. For example, you might say: “A campfire is good; a forest fire is bad. What is the difference between the two, and how does your answer apply to the boundaries God has set regarding sex?” Use the account at Proverbs 5:3-14 to help your teen understand the harmful consequences of fornication.

Takao, an 18-year-old in Japan, states, “I know that I should do what is right, but there is this ongoing struggle against the desires of the flesh.” Youths who feel that way can be comforted by the fact that they are not alone. Even the apostle Paul​—a stalwart Christian—​admitted: “When I wish to do what is right, what is bad is present with me.”​—Romans 7:21.

Teenagers would do well to realize that such a struggle is not always bad. It can prompt them to contemplate just what sort of person they want to become. It can help them to come to grips with the question, ‘Do I want to take charge of my life and be known as someone who has character and integrity, or do I want to be known as a follower​—a person who weakly caves in to his desires?’ Having good moral values will help your teen answer that question wisely.