You need to vote Tuesday, and you need to work to get your friends, neighbors and family to vote too. How should you vote? Straight-up Republican down the ballot.

Is the GOP establishment packed with hacks, squishes and weasels? Yep. And that’s irrelevant. The party will fall in line with conservative values soon enough as these doddering clowns age their way out of office. We have one opponent – the progressives – and the progressives have one party – the Democrats.

They must be stopped before they destroy this country. They are shredding our Constitution, bankrupting us, and turning the might of the federal government against their political enemies (that’s us) in order to hold on to power. Overseas, they are abandoning our loyal allies – if you think Obama would do what Nixon did for Israel and airlift it lifesaving military supplies when the Arabs forces nearly overwhelmed it in 1973, then I have a unicorn you might want to buy.

His name is Chet, and he liked his health plan and got to keep it.

The sad fact is that the only people these progressives don’t seem to want to defeat are America’s enemies. If you want to live on the edge, befriend America with a Democrat in the White House and Harry Reid running the Senate.

“But, but,” stammer those self-described conservatives who make liberals smile by choosing to indulge their emotions instead of coldly acting to beat the statists, “I’m staying home because I’m sick of having to choose the lesser of two evils!”

You tools. That’ll show Obama. He’ll be heartbroken as he nominates some commie law school professor to the Supreme Court and Reid nuke options him into a robe for the next 30 years. You can pat yourself on the back about choosing to let the greater of two evils win as you lose your right to speak freely, to write what you want, to read what you want, to worship God like you want, to own weapons to protect your family, community and Constitution. Yeah, way to go, Thinky.

When it’s between a Republican and a Democrat, it’s not choosing the lesser of two evils. At worst, it’s choosing the mediocrity over the evil.

Thad Cochran’s a jerk and the establishment creeps were jerks for supporting him. Vote for Thad.

Pat Roberts is a jerk and the establishment creeps were jerks for supporting him. Vote for Pat.

And the conservatives who lost to them in the primaries – if you haven’t done it already, get out there and demand your ticked-off supporters vote for the jerk who screwed you. It isn’t about your hurt feelings. It’s about our country.

Don’t worry – we conservatives shall have our revenge soon enough. And, as any Star Trek nerd can tell you, revenge is a dish best served cold.

Then there are the stubborn “libertarians.” I’m not talking about the sensible ones who realize that voting for some dude whose entire platform consists of bong hits and appeasement will only act to empower the most collectivist president and Senate in our history. Nor am I talking about the stoner libertarians who will fire up a bowl Tuesday morning and come out of their purple haze on Thursday having forgotten to vote.

I’m talking about the tiresome “libertarians” who relish these last few days of every election cycle because – for once – people pay attention to them, hoping to get them to fight the left. But these goofs aren’t about to give up the attention lavished upon them by conservatives praying they are more libertarian than narcissist and might actually be convinced to vote consistent to what they claim as their ideology – or at least not against it. It’s too much fun being wooed and courted and having people pretend to read their lengthy blog posts about how fighting people who want to kill us is bad and how Ayn Rand was hot and how the Fed is responsible for them not being able to get a date.

But reasoning with them never works. These people are useless. So pucker up, dorks, because I have something you can kiss – and once again you’ll be disappointed because it isn’t a girl.

I’m done with you idiots. I’m not wasting my breath on you again and I’m certainly not giving you the attention you crave. All I can say is stay in your mom’s basement Tuesday – the Trilateral Commission is out there with its chemtrails and mind control lasers waiting to ambush you on the way to the polls!

Now, those of us who are sane and who actually care about our country have a mission. We need to bring it home for the GOP – not because its candidates are perfect but because its candidates are not actively evil. Yeah, I suppose there are some nice Democrat candidates out there. Some of them can maybe muster up a few positive comments about free enterprise and free speech, at least in theory. A few probably even like dogs better than cats, like real Americans.

But they have thrown in their lot with a crowd that seeks to destroy our sacred Constitution. The Democrats voted en masse to effectively repeal the First Amendment. Think about that – these people literally think it’s A-OK to outlaw books. They want to stop you from practicing your religion except in the manner and to the extent they choose. They want you disarmed and helpless. Oh, and if you happen to care whether Israel gets wiped off the map or not, perhaps you ought to put the party in power that didn’t boo the mention of the Jewish State at its last convention.

If everyone reading this gets five voters to vote for America, maybe we can save America. The polls are that tight. We have to overcome a lot to retake the Senate and put the brakes on America’s runaway decline. We need every vote. We have to beat Democrats’ margin of stupidity. We have to beat Democrats margin of fraud. We can’t afford to also have to overcome the angry conservatives’ margin of sulk.

Editor’s note: Since this column was written, Kansas GOP Senate primary candidate Dr. Milton Wolf publicly endorsed Senator Pat Robert for reelection.