ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The President Of Australia has formally asked the Opposition Leader if he’d like to be his deputy – saying his faith in the Liberal Party is now completely gone.

Bradbury Shorten spoke to journalists this morning after flogging himself up and down the wet sand at St Kilda beach.

He detailed the surprise phone call he received from Rupert Murdoch, the first president and supreme leader of our fledgling island democracy.

“He said, ‘Is this Brad Shorten?'” said Shorten.

“I was puffed beyond hell so I just kinda coughed and said ‘yeah, what up brez?’ and then Rupert introduced himself. We spoke for about 20 minutes and at the end, he asked if I wanted to help him run the country,”

“Rupert said John Howard’s brain is blowing more blue smoke than a third-hand Facebook marketplace whipper snipper; the piston rings inside his brain are fucked and they’re leaking oil into the cylinder. Quite indicative of the party as a whole, Brad,”

“I’m not in the business of backing losers. So here we are. Do you want to be my deputy?”

It’s unclear whether Shorten will take up President Murdoch’s offer but The Advocate’s understanding is that he probably will.

More to come.