He’s only been in Los Angeles for two days. By the time the game kicked off on the west coast at noon, it would have been 8 pm in Manchester. The guy is clearly jet lagged, under the bright lights of Hollywood, has Jose Mourinho inflicting pain into his voodoo doll of his former #9, and not to mention pressure to do the Lord’s work and make MLS cool to euro snobs and non-soccer fans (it’s an uphill battle my friends). But, what does the legend do? He destroys everything.

Carlos Vela assumed he was going to be the son of “El Traffico” (as a former Angelino I don’t love the name, but it’s certainly true) and for the first 26 minutes, it was glory for Will Ferrell’s LAFC, notching a brace (2 goals for non-soccer nerds) in the opening 26 minutes, and it looked like the new Hollywood boys were about to embarrass their 405 brothers. Even at 3-0, you could sense beat writers from The Daily Mirror and The Sun licking their chops imagining Zlatan’s new stint to be with a bust of a club. But, one man knew it was going to be a blowout, for the Galaxy – Zlatan. Patiently waiting on the bench for his MLS debut, the man, myth and legend who has played for such illustrious clubs as Manchester United, Paris Saint Germain, Milan, Barcelona, Ajax, etc., was igniting his superpowers realizing if the Galaxy was going to come back down three goals, it was going to be his mother-fucking job.