Does anyone remember the Rampage video game? I’m a 90’s kid and grew up with Donkey Kong, Pac-Man and Q*Bert in my early childhood. It sounds a bit weird that they’re making a movie out of a mostly forgotten 80’s arcade game. Film adaptations of video games have an atrocious track record. Most recently Warcraft and Assassin’s Creed both badly disappointed at the box-office. Those films were based on HUGELY popular game franchises.

What would push New-Line/Warner Brothers to finance such a risky endeavor? They own the Midway games catalog, so it’s in their best interest to make it worth. I’m also pretty sure that the package of San Andres collaborators Dwayne Johnson, director Brad Peyton and producer Beau Flynn helped moved the project along.

I tried pitching the general plot line to a friend this weekend, and he just thought it might have been the stupidest thing he ever heard. So here it goes:

The first privately owned space station is destroyed by a mysterious experiment done onboard. Three canisters from the crash land on Earth. One lands in the gorilla enclosure at the San Diego Zoo, the other in the plains of Wyoming and the last one in the Florida Everglades. The Griffin Technologies Group, headed by two siblings (Malin Akerman and Jake Lacy), tries to destroy any evidence of wrongdoing before the government finds out. It’s too late because the canisters have infected a gorilla named George, a wolf in Wyoming and an alligator. They start evolving and growing exponentially. To cover their track, the Griffin idiots decided to unleash a beacon that will make all three large animals head toward one destination: their head office located in the Willis Tower in Chicago.

Yes, you’ve read that right! A giant gorilla, a humongous alligator and large wolf are going to kick each other’s asses in Chicago.

Wait a minute, what about Dwayne Johnson’s character? Well, he’s an ex-marine who’s now a primatologist that raised George at the San Diego Zoo. He taught the ape sign language, and they share a special bond. Naomie Harris might have picked the worst project in history to follow-up a well-deserved Oscar-nominated performance. The Moonlight actress plays a fired Griffin Tech scientist who helps our protagonist in trying to stop Chicago from being destroyed by those humongous beasts.

We interrupt this story details for an important message…

Dear Brad Peyton,

I’m happy that you’re directing this big Hollywood production. It’s nice to see a fellow Canadian helming a big budget film. I have one advice to give you:

Fire your agents at CAA, fire your manager and fire whoever is advising you.

Rampage video game movie makes San Andreas look like Moonlight. Sure, directing a massive movie is a once in a lifetime opportunity, but Rampage will hurt your career long term. There’s no way this one won’t crash at the box-office and on Rotten Tomatoes. (Where the average on your four movies is 20% Fresh already.)

I’m sure that it’s fun being on the Dwayne bandwagon. He’s probably the biggest star in the world right now. But he’s not bulletproof. Remember HERCULES? No one does either. Rampage will be known as his flop between Jumanji and Skyscraper. It won’t affect his fanbase, his paycheck or his overall box-office appeal. I wonder who’ll they blame for this failure??? I sure hope foreign grosses will save this film.

Brad, you’re talented. But you deserve better material.

So let us know what you think about the Rampage video game movie coming to theaters 2018. Sound off below.