Dear Doc Bacon,

This week my son confessed he’s gay now. I’m really having a hard time believing it. He was always so well adjusted and popular in school, but maybe we didn’t give him enough affection growing up? He moved to New York after college and has a very nice job there. Last time I visited he had this Latino fellow with him named Manuego. The boy is from Brazil and seems nice but he was always trying to touch me and talk about his mother. Now my son has announced through the email that him and this Manuego are getting gay married. I just wonder if maybe he was lured into this because of all that ethnic sensuality? I love my son very much but I suspect he’s making a giant mistake because he thinks I failed as a parent and this other boy’s lifestyle seems so much more exciting at their young age. What should I do? -Confused in Chardon.

Dear CiC,

Thank you for putting a human face on this very timely and very controversial issue. When homosexual marriage was first legalized in various liberal states, those involved did not bother to dwell on the national implications. The activists behind this progressive redefinition of Holy Matrimony never considered the damage it might inflict on patriotic states like Ohio. Nor did they care about what it would do to loving, dedicated mothers just like you.

One interesting aspect to consider in your particular case is that this could simply be a “gay green card marriage” and that maybe your son is doing this in exchange for money. You mentioned the fellow was from Brazil and clearly many Brazilians and other Latins are illegally entering the United States for our jobs and our welfare. I have heard from several sources that an American citizen can be paid upwards of $10,000 for such a marriage, so if your boy is having financial difficulties, that may be his motivation. New York can be a very expensive place to live! I would definitely ask him about his money situation before you get any deeper into this.

The Gay Latin Agenda

As for the larger problem of homosexual recruitment, the Latin aspect is a major element of the gay rights campaign. We have all heard the stereotype that South Americans are overly sexual, and many will deny that it’s true, but any cursory glance at their culture proves otherwise.

These are a people who prize sensuality, dress scantily in the tropical heat and have a huge overpopulation problem as a result. From jazz to pop, their music is singularly focused on fornication. The men flaunt their hairy-chested machismo and the women dance erotically in miniature bikinis on their crowded and sun-drenched beaches. Ironically enough, when the Pope ministered to Brazil this year, millions used his visit as an excuse to flock to the seashore and show off their speedos!

On an intimate level, Latins can be very forthright and demanding. They are not afraid to be loud about their physical desires! This can be quite shocking to someone reared in a sober, Christian household. They’re chatty and hug and kiss a lot. Mothers smother their sons and don’t know how to punish them when they’re bad.

Medical studies have shown that children who grow up in these environments are far more likely to become flamboyant and emotional adults with little sexual self-control.

A Popular Target

An innocent boy all alone in a big city like New York can easily fall victim to this Latin sensuality. Such a child is trying to find his way in a confusing and dangerous new world. He wants friends and he wants a community just like his beautiful hometown.

Emotional needs that were once met by church and faith are now serviced by late night discos and erotic encounters. He has gone from worshipping the Almighty, to worshipping his body and those of others. In the process, he has become enslaved to a decidedly ethnic vision of carnality.

Latins prey on innocent white men from conservative homes because they know they know they’re vulnerable to this ploy. They seek them out in locker rooms or dark street corners. They follow them through the crowds in those late night discos. At busy urinals or maybe through internet chat rooms, they entice these young men with strange propositions.

What sounded like an evening of masculine camaraderie quickly descends into a bare-chested wrestling match, sweaty and grinding, on a sour ghetto futon. Sometimes even sodomy is used to seal the deal. And in that murky dawn, the first inklings of “love” and “green card” are whispered into the conquered boy’s ears.

A Glimmer of Hope

Confused in Chardon, I fear that if this is the case, it will be extremely difficult to cure your child’s Latin fever. You cannot transform yourself into a smothering Mexican mother to tempt him away. You won’t be able to set him up on dates with decent, chaste young girls now that he has tasted the most tropical of fruits. For now, your best hope is prayer and politics.

Until we can elect a moral president who enforces the Constitutional definition of marriage as between one man and one woman, the homosexual epidemic will rage on. Yet, with the recent dramatic failure of Obamacare and the renewed vigor of leaders like Sarah Palin and Ted Cruz, I do think we have turned a corner. I do believe America can once again claim to be the moral leader of the free world. And when that day comes, our Christian men may finally realize that their extremist experiment with ethnic sass and sodomy was but a dead end of deluded desires and American defeatism.