New Orleans, LA—The 2015-16 Forbes list of most valuable franchises was released this week with the New York Knicks coming out on top at an astounding $3 billion. In the cellar, the New Orleans Pelicans clocked in at only $650 million. This valuation is particularly embarrassing to the struggling franchise in the wake of another report that appraised their star center’s trademark unibrow at $702 million. Anthony Davis’ disgusting, but somehow marketable, forehead fuzz is popular among an often disregarded demographic—Ugly-Americans. Pelican’s owner, Tom Benson, is not worried about his team being considered less valuable than some unruly facial hair. At press time, Benson, while stirring a giant vat of gumbo, said, “It isn’t like anyone would be dumb enough to buy this team.”

NEW ORLEANS, LA – JANUARY 14: New Orleans Hornets owner Tom Benson speaks at a press conference to unveil the team’s new logo and name on January 14, 2013 at the New Orleans Arena in New Orleans, Louisiana. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2013 NBAE (Photo by Layne Murdoch/NBAE via Getty Images)