Principled Dems Remain Committed To Adopting Whatever Position Polls Say They Should

U.S.—Staying true to their principles, Democrats announced Wednesday they will remain committed to any and all public policy positions that polls indicate are popular right now.

"We vow to stay true to whatever is popular at this exact moment," Joe Biden said in a speech. "We reserve the right to change our mind without any notice, should polls indicate the winds are blowing in the other direction all of a sudden."

"This principle is near and dear to our hearts," Kamala Harris said. "That principle being that we have no principles except rushing to support any movement that becomes popular, and dumping it as soon as the tides turn."

"Here we stand, we can do no other."

At publishing time, Dems had changed their minds again as new poll results came out.

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