Hi everyone. So it turns out that i'm pretty awful. I always said people were pretty good at kidding themselves. Well it turns out i'm a misogynist. I don't want to be, but at the moment that's besides the point.

It's taken me less then a month here to really upset someone. Very few of you saw it because it was deleted but in the thread about first dates I posted a pretty disgusting and exaggerated tale relating to a date I had been on a week or so prior. The intention is irrelevant but it was sexual in nature, degrading and, now that I've stopped (or been stopped) to think for once, i'm pretty ashamed of myself. She told me that it made her feel totally violated.

Sean was good enough to delete the post after the woman emailed him to have it removed and I thank him for that but the fact that the post is gone doesn't remedy this. I've expressed to her that I want to do what I can to show that i'm sorry and she asked me to write this post to prove that i genuinely am. That's why i'm doing it. Not because i'm brave.

So yeah, I (deservedly) feel like a prize cunt right now. My apology wasn't even immediate which is why i really want to do what i can to make things as close to right as i can. The fact that she has suffered from stress related gastritis as a result makes that pretty difficult. I really hope she recovers soon.

I have, so it seems, been fairly publicly called out and it's fair enough, i've also been given a list of places that i'm effectively barred from. There are bands waiting to give me shout outs. Who knows? I hope that those aren't the reasons i'm writing this and that i really do see that what i did was just off the chart but, frankly, my head is buzzing a bit and it wouldn't surprise me if i'm just trying to save bother for myself. the fact she's even willing to let me start trying to make it up to her is pretty amazing.

so here we are. it's time for me to learn to respect woman and, as i'm sure many of you will agree, some empathy as well. it seems both of those things are long overdue. she has also accused me of having no sense of boundaries or what is appropriate. it's very hard to argue with.

i see just how much i'm jumping into the lion's den here but there you have it. if my ability to come on DiS is ruined as a result of this then that's the way it is. It's more important that I put my hands up and recognise how shitty i acted.

i have humiliated her and made her into a prop in a boastful story. it's not on. i feel awful.

sorry to anyone who had any faith in me. but mostly, sorry to the person involved.