Disclaimer: I do not own anything in this cluster fuck of a series, they belong to whoever the hell is the owner of the series. Blah, blah, blah, let's get to the AN then the story already.

I really should be working on my other two stories but… I've been reading way too many video game plot fics and this idea popped into my head and has been bugging me for the past few days. So here comes an on the spur of the moment story. A little experiment so to say.

I'll do 2 chapters and depending on what you guys think I'll either drop this story or continue.

Basically this is a self-insert fic that is probably going to go deep end into nightmare town in quality… Enjoy

Oh and levels after ten are going to slow down drastically.

Chapter 1- This is just complete and utter bullshit!

Darkness…

All I see is darkness…

Seriously what the hell!

It had started out as a fairly normal day. I had just graduated from High School a week earlier and was walking, ok more like running home from 7-11. So why was I walking instead of driving?

Why my piece of shit of a car decided to break down forcing me to walk all the way to the gas station, three miles away for the record! Just to buy some milk and Mountain Dew. That was when my day went straight to fucking nightmare town!

As I was waiting in the checkout line the guy in front of me pulls out a huge fucking claymore sword from out of nowhere and cuts the cashier's head right off then jumps over to the guy and starts eating his body like some kind of fucked up zombie flick.

So the moment I saw that I immediately dropped everything and promptly sprinted the fuck right out of there! Which lead to me dying when less than ten seconds later when that same guy reappeared in front of me and stabbed me! That asshole stabbed me!

Being stabbed by a sword surprisingly did not hurt, at first anyway. Perhaps it was the shock or adrenaline that delayed it but the pain came a split second later when he yanked the blade from my chest.

Here's a question for all of you guys out there, have you ever been kicked in the balls before? Think the pain from that… Only a hundred or so times worst. I blanked out a moment later when a saw a blur, which lead to where I am now…

Floating in darkness for what seemed like hours! Seriously if this is the afterlife it really sucks!

Not only did I die but I died a fucking virgin too! Is this because I spend all my time reading fanfiction, comics, playing video games, and reading manga?!

Congratulations you are dead.

Welcome to The Game please select a story mode to play

Warhammer 40k,Harry Potter, Bleach, Naruto, One Piece, Campione, DC, Marvel, Saint Seiya, Dragon Age, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Madoka Magica, Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha, and Tenchi Muyo.

You will be able to import your characters to another story mode once you beat a mode.

A mechanical voice coming from every direction before my vision came back and I found myself staring at a gigantic TV screen with big bold letter 'THE GAME' along with the options stated above listed.

…I blink and move both of my hands to rub my eyes... Before blinking yet again and then slapping myself as hard as I could.

Ouch that hurt… Oh shit…

Oh shit! OH fucking shit!

Sweet Jesus and all that is evil in the universe I'm in a bad self-insert fanfiction written by a R.O.B.!

Ok stay calm… Freaking out will fix nothing. I bite down on my tongue as hard as I could the pain gave my mind something to focus on calming me down.

Now if all I learned from reading fanfiction is correct I'll be stuck here until I beat the game. Then I guess if I kept R.O.B. entertained he will either resurrect me, or allow me to keep my character and wander out in the universe.

I will probably have to play until the end of the series' story or I completely break the plot to the point that the universe implodes and I get a 'You are winner' screen.

All I can do is pray that the game is fair or makes me into some God Mode Sue character. Got to make the best of what I have. Remember the rules of what to do if you end up in a self-insert story… Crap what were they again!

Calm… Right where should I start…? I look at the options.

Warhammer 40k

Nope! No way in hell am I starting there with a level 1 character! As awesome as 40k is I do not want to end up as Chaos's bitch without any means to defend myself.

Harry Potter

Hell no if all those stories taught me anything. I'm either going to be manipulated by Dumbledore, abused badly by the Dursleys, raped by Snape, or Raped by Voldermort. OR strangely end up being raped by rabid fan girl Ginny.

Bleach

Maybe in my second play through if all that Aizen wank is correct I'll need some ridiculous powers or epic plot armor.

Naruto

This would probably be a good one to start. The powers of the characters are around wall buster for most of the beginning so it should give me time to adjust. Plus the ninja training would help me survive the other universes.

Damn it I'm regretting the fact that I stopped reading around the time the Fourth Shinobi war began. It's not my fault it just got so boring.

One Piece

No… Just no… I'll likely end up spending one million chapters, err I mean years there before the story finishes.

Campione

Let's see… If I remember correctly this series had something to do with a Godslayer and his harem… I'll save that for the third play through, what's the worst that can happen in this universe. If a teenager managed to kill a god.

DC

Unless I can choose to be Superman or Green Lantern no fucking way am I starting here! With all those planet busters running around!

Marvel

Same argument as above, plus I only read Spiderman. So my knowledge would not be enough to the point where I can cheat the universe to my advantage.

Saint Seiya

Not unless hell decides to freeze over. If all the wank on this series is correct then the villains are casual planet busters at their weakest, and casual universe busting massive FTL godly haxors at their strongest.

Dragon Age

Compared to the others on this list, this is a fairly weak universe and would seem at first glance to be the best to start. However this universe would probably rely a lot of skill in combat, skill that I am obviously lacking. I should save this until I finish either DC or Marvel, then steamroll through this universe. Oh and fuck those Templars and fuck you Anders! Ungrateful bastard…

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

This one is just going to suck… I should so dressed up as the Sentry on Halloween hopefully I get to keep his powers. Or I can start here on my fifth play through and troll everyone…

Madoka Magica

Oh the feels… I am defiantly going to save Homura and Mami not just because they are hot. Jokes aside it would be disadvantageous if I start here. Seeing as how it's a magical girl anime and I am a man. Note to self when I do finally get to this verse exterminate the Incubators, EXTERMINATE!

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha

Fuck you game, go choke on a dick and die! Picking a series that I have absolutely no knowledge about besides the friendship beam that everyone goes on and on about. Since it's a magical girl series I probably should not start here.

Tenchi Muyo

Oh dear god, I have only seen the first OVA but if OBD character sheets are correct then this universe is going to be last. It would be sheer stupidity starting with a level 1 character in a universe with an omnipotent character, casual solar system busters and those hax hawk wings.

After spending god knows how long staring at the screen planning my next move I felt my eyes begin to burn slightly before rubbing them and making my choice.

I was going to choose Naruto and go a mage build. Since I have very little hand to hand or sword training and I'm fairly lacking physically I'll make a character who focuses on long range mass destruction Ninjutsu with Illusions as support.

I should also get training in either Taijutsu or Kenjutsu in the event I end up in close quarters and I can't blow up the place. Now let's hope that I end up with the Rookie nine or was it eleven… Ah whatever their plot armor will ensure I'll survive until the Chunin Exams unless I do something retarded. I defiantly need to romance one of them, after all they can't kill off the love interest of a main character early off…Right?

"Uhh… I choose Naruto." I spoke up for the first time and nothing happened. I began to open my mouth to speak.

Before I felt myself being yanked toward the TV and crashing into it, causing my world to go black losing consciousness for a second. Then I found myself floating in a cloud-like, empty, vast white sky. The same voice from earlier came from all directions

Naruto the Game- You should have figured it out by now, create your character and live in the world of Ninjas. Please note you will not be able to change anything in the options and the difficulty will be locked to Normal for your first play through of Naruto. Please note that to open menus all you have to give a verbal command.

New Game

Load Game

I let out a snort and point my middle finger out toward the TV screen that materialized in front of me.

"New Game" I said, then braced myself to be pulled into the TV again. Only to have the TV shatter and the world seemed to shift and I found myself standing in a grass plain with floating holographic text

Please choose a character slot.

Do note that you will only have five slots and if you are to die then your character will be deleted along with the slot. Should you die five times you will be dead for real. To put it plainly PEOPLE DIE WHEN THEY ARE KILLED (five times)!

Side Note: You will however be allowed to keep all achievements, character notes, and 'special' unlocks. You can also save whenever you want. The level cap is one thousand by the way. You'll probably never reach it.

That is such bullshit! So I'm able to save whenever I want but if I end up dead then I have to start over. Right I am definitely going to figure out a way to cheat this! Fuck you ROB! At least the cap is high.

I tap the first character slot.

Please enter a name you are not allowed to name yourself after characters in the universe. EX no Naruto Uzumaki. If you enter that name I will kick you in the balls.

What's a Japanese name that I should go with. Oh I know. I crack a small grin.

'Minato Arisato'

Yup definitely going to name myself after the Persona 3 MC. Ahh that was such a great game. Even though it butchered my social life when I spent like one hundred hours on it.

Confirm name?

I tap yes

Set your base stats. You will be given fifteen points to spend. If you do not know what theses stats stand for you sir are a dumbass, cap is 10 for one skill.

Note that theses stats are permanent and you will only be given one extra point per one hundred levels.

Strength 5

Agility 5

Perception 5

Intelligence 5

Endurance 5

Luck 5

Charisma 5

Willpower 5

Since I'll be going the 'mage' max out Intelligence and Willpower. I should put three points in perception so I don't accidentally team kill and one point in strength and endurance. Subtract two from luck and add it to agility. Luck is probably a useless stat anyway...

Are you satisfied with your choice?

Final Stats

Strength 6- You're stronger than the average person.

Agility 7- At your peak you can travel at supersonic speeds without any enhancements.

Perception 8- You notice are able to casually notice the very small details. And have expanded vision

Intelligence 10- You are a fucking genius! Above all geniuses! Even Batman would be jealous of your genius, okay maybe not... He'll probably create some random gadget to counter it.



Endurance 6- You are able to shrug off twice as much pain than what is considered safe.

Luck 3- There is a 1/1 chance you will somehow win the lottery, you will still lose and then get arrested for armed robbery for no reason besides fuck you.

Charisma 5- You are normal, albeit slightly anti-social. You find it hard to make new friends as you grow older.

Willpower 10- YOUR MIND IS A FORTRESS! With ten thousand Space Marines guarding it armed with heavy bolters, Las cannons and Terminator Armor. Along with an Emperor class titan hiding behind a tree somehow. It's probably… CREEEED!

That… was interesting… I tap yes.

And my world burned

I felt my vision go out, every single bone in my body shatter like glass and my brain liquefying. I collapse to the ground and open my mouth to scream out but nothing comes out my skin began to melt off leaving nothing but the sick smell of burnt flesh and powdered bones.

Then it was over.

The pain vanished and I stood in the same field as though none of that had happened but everything now felt different.

The world around me felt like it was going at half it's speed, I look at my hands. I see every single little small fingerprint line on my hand. I turn to face the grass field, my sight seemed to stretch on for hundreds of meters showing every single detail on the grass.

From the tiny droplets of water and the small shade of yellow. It felt overwhelming, like I was a blind man seeing the sunrise for the first time in his life. IT was frightening to be honest.

Yet the thing that scared me the most was how calm I was feeling. I felt like I could torture a man then kill his family in cold blood and not even so much as blink. I should be freaking out right now but I just could not seem to care.

I punched myself.

Calm down… No wait get angry… Fuck I mean remember my 'old' self, do not go emo brooding. I take a deep long soothing breath.

Please select three archetypes from this list. These archetypes will determine your skill tree, feats, powers, perks.

Note that any skills aside from 'special' skills, ex Sharingan or bloodline ability, will not be kept if you import your character into another universe.

Hmm this is unexpected and kind of pisses me off.

Archetype list

Anime

Books

Comics

TV Shows

Movies

Porn

I choked a bit as I read the last one… Porn powers…

Video Games

Fanfiction

Oh hell yes I am so picking that, I tap Fanfiction.

Locked, to unlock hit the level cap and complete three universes.

… Fuck you game… So much for God Mode Sue off the bat.

*Sigh*

May as well pick the three that usually have the most overpowered stuff. As tempting it is to pick porn I have a feeling something bad will happen if I do.

I tap Anime, Comics and Books.

Are you sure, you will not be able to change this?

'Yes I am fucking sure!' I resisted to urge to shout out and simply tapped yes.

Select one bloodline ability. Note bloodlines after Magic are locked until you achieved certain conditions. You will gain one bloodline point per fifty levels.

Sharingan

Byakugan

Samurai

Viking

Blood of Snakes

Blood of Toads

Blood of Slugs

Blood of Steel

Magic

Rinnegan

Mystic Eyes

Grim Reaper Spawn

Hero

Villain

Dragon Blood

Mixed Blood

Reincarnated

God Eater

Demigod

Anti-God

Omni lock

Cosmic Power

Absolute Existence

Note 2 there are dozens of more bloodlines but they are secret and cannot be viewed until unlocked.

I whistled. That was quite the impressive list. Sharingan sounded like a nice pick, but… Mage build in all… I tapped magic. I am seriously going to figure out how to unlock cosmic power though.

Magic- You have the blood of magic and are able to sense the mana surrounding you. With this you are able to use a long lost ability called, surprise, surprise, magic…

Unlocks the ability to use magic and its skill tree. Do you accept?

I tap yes.

I felt my body heat up for a split second, and a strange… Smell enters my senses. It was a sweet, honey like smell. I stick my tongue out to taste it. It had a bitter, hot, yet ice cold, electrical taste to it. For the first time in my life… I felt like I had power.

'Very fascinating… So magic has a taste…' I file the thought away for later.

Select three starter perks

Note Perks are… Seriously how the hell do you not know?! Figure it out yourself dumbass!

Perks list. You gain one perk point per three levels. You will only see perks that you can unlock. Some perks can only be picked as a starter perks while others will be unlocked as you level.

Genius- You master skills are 5x the normal rate. However you suffer extreme jealousy from your peers and will find it very hard to interact with non-geniuses and you will have… Fan girls…

Requirements 10 Intelligence.

Psychic- Your mind has become a weapon. Unlocks the Psychic skill tree. Keep in mind that high level skills can cause permanent injury or death.

Requirements 10 Intelligence, 10 Willpower

Eagle Eye- You can activate this ability to gain the vision of a Bald Eagle.

Requirements 8 Perception 8 Willpower

Limiters off- Allows you to turn off all the limiters in your brain and use 100% of its full potential. Warning long use can cause permanent injury or death.

Requirements 10 Willpower.

Childhood Friend- You have a childhood friend who is obsessed with you. Gain a permanent randomized follower of the opposite gender. It also makes it more difficult for you to romance any other character.

Requirements None

Mind of Steel- You have to ability to put aside all emotions to complete the task at hand no matter the cost. This feats lowers your reputation with others and can give you the title of being ruthless.

Requirements 9 Willpower

Lifelong Friend- You come off as socially inept, having a hard time at making friends, and most people think you are weird. But the few friends you make will be lifelong and will die for you.

Requirements None

Illegitimate Child- You are an illegitimate child of a random clan in your starting village. 50% chance you will unlock their bloodline. However the clan will hate and scorn you.

Requirements None

Weird Shit- Your luck is absolute crap. You could walk home one day and stumble upon a cult sacrificing little girls to summon Cthulhu.

Requirements 3 Luck

Sadist- You get sexual pleasure from inflicting pain. Choosing this will cause some interesting reactions.

Requirements None

Masochist- You whore… I mean you get sexual pleasure from receiving pain… Choosing this will cause some interesting reactions.

Requirements None

Egotistic- You have a massive ego believing you are better than anyone. You receive penalties in social interaction, but have unshakeable self-confidence.

Requirements 8 Intelligence.

Book Smart- You gain twice as many skill points from reading books

Requirements 6 Intelligence.

Walking Armory – You gain the ability to memorize the schematics of any weapon.

Requirements 9 Intelligence.

Judge- You are a good judge of character able to quickly tell if a person is an enemy or ally.

Requirements 7 Perception 6 Intelligence.

Holy crap… That is a lot of perks… Damn it I can only pick three of them, what the hell am I supposed to pick!

Psychic and Genius are a must. Illegitimate child with my shit luck will probably get me killed and no bloodline. Definitely not picking weird shit my luck is bad enough as is. Childhood friend would be useful as I get a portable meat shield.

Walking Armory sounds useful but what are the odds of me find a schematic of a weapon just laying around. Limiter off would be devastating to my body so that's a no. I guess I'll go with Childhood friend. Hopefully I get a tank.

I tap those three options and choose confirm.

I feel a sensation at the back of my mind, it was a feeling of extreme pleasure gained from popping your back after not being able to for weeks.

It disappeared as quickly as it came.

Your childhood friend's name is Yuno Gasai

For some reason the moment I heard that name I felt a strange chill crawl down my back. I felt like I was forgetting something very important and I felt… scared? It was probably nothing.

Select your Village

Leaf

Sand

Rock

Iron

Cloud

Of course I'll be picking Leaf will all their plot armor and ridiculously haxed clans.

Select your Origin

Orphan- Your family died in a bandit attack leaving you nothing. You were found by Leaf ninja who took you to their village.

Noble- You were adopted into a noble family.

Farmer's child- You're a child of a poor farmer

Child of Rape- Your mother was raped and abandoned you on the streets of Konoha when you were born.

Merchant- You were born into a merchant family.

Whore's child- Your mother is a whore, working the slums of Konoha, you don't know who your father is… But you are streetwise, so that's nice.

Political Hostage- You are a political hostage given to fire country to prevent war from breaking out against (choose country here).

Orphan sounds like it would be good for my goals. No parents or financial support, but freedom to do whatever I want. Besides the other origins aside from Merchant sound… Discouraging. Man this is actually a really awesome character creator… If only I wasn't under the threat of death…

*sigh* I tap Orphan.

Select a Feat

Feats are achievements you have done in your short six year life. They have positive or negative effects.

Note after this you will have to earn a feat to unlock it. Some feats cannot be chosen after creation.

Killer- You were attacked by a group of thugs and ended up killing them.

Pro-You will not have any problems with killing. Bonus to Intimidation

Con- The opinions of non-Ninja of you are drastically reduced.

Sexual experience- self explanatory

Pro- You have experience in sex and can please your partner easier.

Con- Your Reputation takes a huge nose dive.

Tutor- You had someone tutor you

Pro- Start with 15 points in Taijutsu

Con- -15 relation with non-clan children

Sword- You found a sword while wandering one night.

Pro- Gain a random sword plus 5 Kenjutsu

Con- People think you are a thief.

I'm going with killer. What kind of ninja has problem killing people?

I tap Killer then the world changed.

I found myself floating back at the same sky from earlier.

A hologram box appeared in front of me. I saw a summary of all my stats and skills with a small check button at the bottom that had a message asking if I was sure of everything. Obviously I was so I clicked the check.

The world faded out and I found myself in a god's view of the village hidden in the Leaves otherwise known as Konoha. Instead of the peaceful shinobi village, half of it was burning. Thousands of bodies littered the street. Civilian, men, women, children, shinobi alike.

I'm guessing it's the aftermath of the Kyuubi attack?

The village of Konoha is one of the strongest shinobi villages in the elemental nations. It is a village that is home to several and prestigious clans, and has produced some of the most powerful shinobi to have ever existed. However despite all of that they are currently suffering.

The voice of whom I assume is the narrator begins.

Less than a year ago they had lost one of their greatest heroes when the Kyuubi attacked the village. Minato Namikaze gave up his life, along with his family to protect the village and slayed the beast. Or so the villagers thought. The truth known only by a select few was that he did not slay the beast.

No he sealed it into his twin children, his son Naruto, and his daughter Naruko. He sealed the Chakra into his daughter while sending it's conscious into his son. The Third Hokage Hiruzen Sarutobi took up his mantle once again. Choosing to hide the children's heritage.

The scene changes to show the twin children and injured Minato holding them preforming the seal on a Kyuubi held down by hundreds of chains.

…WAIT

Less than a year later, Konoha in its weakened state was invaded by Iwagakure, the Village in the hidden stone. After months of intense fighting Konoha was able to repel the invader at a high cost. Losing over 40% of its military force. A ceasefire was signed between the villages before another Shinobi world war broke out. Despite the war ending the damage was done and Konoha was no longer the strongest village.

They were only know barely holding on the position of the Fourth strongest. In an attempt to rebuild their military force, Hiruzen passed the Orphan act. All orphans at the age of six are to be conscripted into the Ninja academy. Things did not get better from there.

Less than four months later information had leaked about the truth of the Namikaze siblings. The stupider villagers rioted fearing how the Kyuubi could have been reborn. Those riots were swiftly shut down by the Uchiha Police.

The scene shifts to show Konoha during its siege and the riots.

WHAT…

Civil War broke out two years later lasting only two weeks but leading to the death of hundreds. In the months since the riots a movement called for a formation of a civilian council to decide the matters of the village took place. During the two years predating the civil war the movement began to take a more active and at times violent approach.

Hiruzen chose to adopt a wait and see policy on the matter. Eventually tensions exploded when a drunken Uchiha raped and killed a civilian child. The incident was covered up but news leaked and the civilian exploded taking to the streets demanding justice. On a side note due to the riots negations with Kumogakurue, the village hidden in the cloud were called off.



Danzo Shimura used this opportunity to launch a coup. Forces loyal to him attempted to wrestle control of the village and kidnap the Namikaze twins.

THE…

Thankfully the twins were kept safe and Hiruzen loyal forces were able to defeat the coup forces. After a devastating drawn out battle between Hiruzen and Danzo, Danzo was captured. Danzo was executed along with all the members of his Root Anbu two days later.

Konoha signed a military alliance with Suna, the village hidden in the Sand five weeks later when Iwa began edging their troops toward Konoha's borders. Tensions were high yet again and the fear of another world war breaking out was imminent.

Until news of Onoki the Kage of Iwa was assassinated and Iwa troops began to pull back from Konoha's borders. Tensions died down and the fear went out when nothing happened and there was peace. As Konoha licked its wounds and rebuilt its forces preparing for the inevitable.

FUCK?! I'm pretty sure none of that happened in canon!

But this is not the story of Konoha, or the Namikaze twins. No this is the story of you. You are Minato Arisato, an orphan child of a bandit attack. Your parents were killed two months after you were born. A patrol of Leaf ninjas stumbled across the small villa you lived and saved your life. They took you to Konoha where you ended up in the Orphanage.

For the next five years you grew up alone the other children seemed to avoid you, yet you found solace in reading and watching the passing by ninjas. You always found it fascinating watching people go by their day to day activities. One day when you were out for a walk you heard a scream.

You ran toward the scream and found another one of the orphan girls being held down to the ground by a group of five men. The girl's name was Yuno Gasai, she had pink hair and despite being around the same age as you her build made her out to be a several years older. You have never talked to her before as she like the other always seemed to avoid you.

You sprinted toward the thugs trying to pry them off of her. One of the men backhanded you into the concrete wall behind you. It was at that moment something woke up. You stood up a shining blue aura exploded from your body, and you began to chant in a language you have never heard of before. The world around you seemed to invert a scythe of wind then blasted out of nowhere.

The scythe sliced apart the thug on top of the girl like a knife to hot butter. The air blade ripped his torso clean off, the others in shock tried to flee but the blade tracked then slicing each one of the thugs in half. Their blood and guts scattered all over your body and the girl's.

The Anbu arrived a moment later to investigate. After spending a week inside a jail somewhere you were let out and learned that you had some kind of bloodline.

When you arrived back the orphanage the other children ran away from you, the woman running the orphanage kicked you out two days later. Perhaps he was feeling pity for you, or perhaps he had other plans, the Hokage gave you an apartment located near the Ninja Academy.

Over the course of the next year you spent it mostly alone only having company from surprisingly the girl you rescued. She had found out where you lived and came to visit, at first you had no idea what to talk about and you suspected she would not have come again, but she did. And as the months went by, you made your first friend.

*sigh* Nothing can ever be simple can it?

Today is different, today is the day you start your first day at the Ninja Academy.

Minato Arisato, will you become a legendary hero? A great villain? The Hokage? A leader of a great clan? Will you create your own empire that will stand the test of time? OR will you die having your name lost in time? From this point onwards your destiny is in your hands.

Fuck my Life this is complete utter bullshit! So much for using my knowledge of the series in my favor… Okay calm down I need to set a goal…

Right my goal

Survive and Thrive! No fucking way was I going to lie down and die!

AN:

And that's it. What did you think? Drop a review and tell me, was it good, shit, or mediocre? The next chapter will be out in a week or so and will cover his first year in the Academy.

In case you didn't know you can check on my chapter progress on my profile.

