As a character artist I tend to really love to follow the work of unique photographers that capture humanity in an honest interesting way. For years I’ve been a fan of a Photographer who’s photos are listed under the project he entitled Humans of New York. It’s a great project and I’m always overjoyed when I see a new image in my facebook feed..

BUT (and there’s always a but)

Today I’ve seen a lot of my fellow trans sisters post a photo that he shared with the following caption about his experience in a gender neutral bathroom.

“Did I have an experience today…



I was in the lobby of the Parsons School of Design when I had the sudden urge to pee. So I located the restroom, and discovered THIS SIGN on the door. I pondered my predicament for a moment, when someone noticed my hesitation and said: "Go on in, it’s for everybody."



I opened the door slowly. This was no single-occupancy restroom. This was a multi-stalledbathroom complex. Inside there were three girls, who all made awkward eye contact with me when I walked in. One of them shrugged her shoulders: "Yep,” she said, “we’re all in here together.” She didn’t seem too excited about the fact.



I chose a stall and shut the door behind me. Aiming for that sweet spot right above the water line, I tried to pee as quietly as possible. The toilet had an automatic flusher, so when I finished, I turned around and left the stall. I heard no flush behind me. Outside, ANOTHER girl was waiting to use my stall.



I’ve seen the future.

And it’s awkward as hell.“

I was a little taken aback when I read this. I mean this photographer is someone that has seen such a diverse group of people… including those that aren’t gender conforming and many members of the LGBT community. Yet the idea of a gender neutral bathroom threw him and I think if it were anyone else I might be more forgiving but this was my response.

"For someone that sees such a diverse range of people i’m actually honestly quite surprised that you would frame this situation in this way. I’m a transsexual woman who’s been using the women’s restroom for almost a decade. I’ve never had a problem once. Why? Becuase I use the restroom to shit and piss. Not as a social club, a dating area or a moment for me to think fondly about the woman next to me. I actually don’t give a fuck about the woman next to me. In fact it never enters my mind when I used a public restroom. I try to do my business and go. MAYBE i’ll powder my nose but even then I try to stay in the restroom as little as possible. This situation was awkward because you made it awkward. You know what’s even more awkward? Not having a place to shit and piss because you can’t go into the mens restroom and you can’t go into the women’s restroom because either place you’ll get harassed. So you do it in a bush or you run to an alley way where no one can see you all because you’re terrified of the neighbor next to you that you will likely never see nor care about ever again. The future is now. Plenty of places use the gender neutral restrooms. No one gets raped, nothing happens other than people shitting pissing and looking at themselves while they wash their hands and leave the room quickly and discreetly.”

…

Discussions about transgender people in the bathroom have always absolutely baffled me for so many reasons. The largest one being that, as I said, I’ve never had issues in the restroom. However, to be fair, i’m a passable, heteronormative woman with a mostly nonthreatening presence. I’m often told how polite I am; which may seem strange to some people but I’m actually a very quiet polite person in real life.So that’s where gender neutral restrooms come into play.

When I was at a more androgynous stage of my life, i didn’t quite feel comfortable being in either restroom. The times where I did venture into the men’s restroom I did receive a lot more attention than I wanted Generally these were situations where I was out with my family that didn’t really understand nor care to understand my gender identity. So I was essentially forced to use the mens restroom and that resulted in puzzling confused stares. Most people who use the public restroom will agree with me on this: the restroom is a place to relieve yourself nothing more nothing less. But when someone enters a space that has been specifically gendered as male or female, someone that doesn’t fit into those categories instantly stands out and that can lead to any number of things-including but not limited to: violence. This is a fear any trans person has when using the restroom. I mean, think about how much of an after thought any of what I just said is for you if you’re cis and you’re reading this. Even I don’t think about it when I use the women’s restroom today. But it’s something that many people who are not gender conforming or just simply aren’t passable deal with. A FEAR of using the restroom.

Fear is discussed so often when we talk about this topic but it’s never the fear of trans people, it’s always the fear of cis people who in my experience actually don’t care as much as they let on. On one hand, i feel like I should be sensitive to those people that are concerned and worried about these bathrooms and i’m not saying that gender neutral bathrooms are necessarily a solution everywhere. But then I remember the fact that there are so many countries that already have gender neutral restrooms and people aren’t getting raped left and right and they’re indifferent to it. Those countries -laugh- at us when we have discussions and debates like this. It boggles my mind how people honestly think that if a trans woman goes into the women’s restroom they’re going to be raped.

Here’s the thing: When reading the comments on this post, I saw a few people saying things like “wow they’re lucky” or “i wish I could get in there too” and guess where they came from??? CIS MEN. Cis men who have sexualized the bathroom. Not trans women who simply want to defecate in peace! And I say trans women because hey, that’s who people seem the most scared of.

I think instead of writing these anecdotes about how odd it was to be in a bathroom with people that weren’t men, we should examine why the restroom is a gendered space. We all shit, we all piss, why is it important that the person next to you shares your genitalia?

I will still be a big fan of humansofnewyork and I’ll still enjoy their photos but… I expected more from someone I assumed as more cultured than that.

PS: Yes, i’ve had to defecate in public for fear of harassment at one time in my life.

Kat Blaque