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Tricking people into thinking you were or weren't Superman was how most comic book characters spent their time in the '60s, so this wasn't an unusual story. What made it unusual was how Ultra-Boy got his powers. Like Bouncing Boy, he was a member of the Legion of Superheroes, and every single one of them was created by shoving a stupid person out of a plane and screaming that his parachute will only open if he invents 250 superheroes with unique back stories.

The Legion's lineup was Color Kid and Lightning Lad, who were hit by rays, Colossal Boy and Fire Lad, who were hit by meteors, and Chlorophyll Kid, who fell into a tank of plant food. The rest of them just came from weird theme planets where everyone developed powers to deal with everyday life. For instance, if no one on the planet of Wiltor had a refrigerator, its humans would adapt to have crisper drawers and dispense ice. Jo-Nah lived on Rimbor, which gave him no special abilities. So how did he gain PENETRA-VISION and become Ultra-Boy? The same way the Bravo network picks their fall lineup: by assuming viewers are too busy being gay to care what they're looking at.



"OK, I have this idea for a new superhero. He's ... he's a guy with the powers of, of Superman! His name is Supe -- ULTRA Ma -- Ultra-BOY. He got them from ... from a space whale eating him! Please, I've done what you asked. Just give me my daughter back!"



"I'VE ESCAPED BUT ... MY PREMISE ... FEELS LAME! LAME!!!"



"And on Rimbor, they tell a story about SU-PERBOY. He, too, was a moron written during a fever dream!"

"Remarkable!"

Seanbaby is so American he can't find it on a map. Learn more at Seanbaby.com or follow him on Twitter.

To learn more about superheroes from Mr. Baby, see The 5 Worst Comic Book Sidekicks of All Time or 6 Superheroes Who Completely Lost Their Shit.