With the advent of smartphones and constant notifications, it’s no surprise that the younger generations have a difficult time giving their undivided attention to listen to someone.

Studies show that less than 2% of professionals have had formal education on how to listen. We listen at 125-250 words per minute, but think at 1,000-3,000 words per minute.

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” ― Stephen R. Covey

The point of having a conversation with anyone is to connect and understand each other, which in turn will help us find the common ground to understand ourselves.

The truth is, most of us are hearing to respond, when we should be listening to understand.

Information is Power

In today’s day and age, information is power and a competitive advantage. Why not spend your time acquiring more of it?

We should be spending our time learning from others, because everyone has something they can teach us— no matter who they are or where they come from.

When’s the last time you learned a valuable lesson by talking until your jaws cramped?

Now you may be wondering, what’s the appropriate breakdown of talking vs listening? I follow the 80/20 rule, much like most of my breakdowns.

This means:

when you’re on a date: listen 80%, and talk 20% of the time

when you’re in a meeting: listen 80%, and talk 20% of the time

when you’re at a networking event: listen 80%, and talk 20% of the time.

I can’t stress how powerful this is to developing a strong relationship with anyone you meet.

Rule of thumb: unless you have earned the right to share your thoughts, such as your close friends, family, or a mentee. Stop talking and listen.

Hear to be Heard

Let’s face it. We all want to heard. It’s a basic human need.

Have you met someone that felt like they understood everything you were saying and made you feel like you were the only person in the room?

They were simply nodding their head, reiterating what you already said, andsharing a personal story that seemed remarkably similar to yours. In fact, there was probably less than 50 words that came out of their mouth during the entire conversation.

Yet for some reason, you walked out of that conversation with a heightened perception of that person’s intelligence, connection, and social skills.

Why? It’s simple. They genuinely cared.

They asked questions that pushed you below the surface level of the everyday small talk, and they shared a similarity to you that caused an interpersonal attraction.