For too long, Giant Eagle has ducked my requests to fix their glaring issues. After multiple unsatisfactory trips to their stores to see egregious prices on foods that a mother fucker like myself and the millions (and millions) of people across the United States need to survive, I decided that something must be done. Their twitter support system is full of apathetic try-nots who only say that they'll forward my feedback through the proper channels. Since I have seen no price changes, I have decided there is only one proper channel.



I hereby officially challenge Giant Eagle to nominate as many people (employed by their company) that they'd like to represent them in classic group fistfight action.



For every person that Giant Eagle finds to defend their honor I will bring one of my hood-endorsed hitters to stand with me in the heat of battle. make it 5, make it 10, make it 100. If Giant Eagle wishes, they can add stipulations such as:

everyone gets 1 weapon such as a wooden bat, metal bat, link chain, etc.

everyone chugs half a gallon of vitamin D milk 5 minutes before round 1. Those who do not finish do not participate in the activity.

medical records of all involved are made public 1 week before the event for study.



If my team wins, you must bring the prices of your boneless, skinless chicken breast, green bell peppers and brocolli down to a more reasonable market-based price. If your team wins, I will, for the rest of my life, only shop at Giant Eagle or Market District for as long as there is a store within 20 miles of where I live.



I am simply unable to stand by any longer while you charge too much for some food or whatever. It's time for you to receive the hands of the people.