It is good to see the kind of questions Trump thinks the media should be asking, and how he hopes people are responding to the coverage. The questions are all real. I have taken the liberty of supplying a few answers. I look forward to hearing him tout these results.

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1. Do you believe that the mainstream media has reported unfairly on our movement?

Yes. The media contumaciously persists in describing events as they happen instead of as Donald Trump intended them to happen, which as we know is extremely unfair. Also, during the campaign, they printed approximately 348 dispatches from “flyover country” that began with the words “From his rusted truck, Dale can see where the mill used to be. It was once the center of this town, but now Dale spends his days polishing old nickels with a Gadsden Flag and firmly insisting that he is not racist” and after a certain point it was — too much, you know?

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2. Do you trust MSNBC to report fairly on Trump’s presidency?

Yes, but I also trust them to sometimes have a 36-hour marathon of “Lockup” on at a time when you might expect there to be news, or vice versa.

3. Do you trust CNN to report fairly on Trump’s presidency?

Yes, but they have the same problem where sometimes you will turn on CNN expecting to see news, and instead you will see Anthony Bourdain having a nice time. I do not wish Anthony Bourdain ill, and I am glad that he gets to travel the world and enjoy delicious foods, but it is not as though CNN has to scuttle a cruise ship in order to make sure that there is news. News is the one manufactured commodity the Trump administration has brought home in vast and unprecedented quantities, and there should be news on all the time. If they need someone to appear at 2 a.m. to point out that THERE ARE MORE THINGS HAPPENING AND THEY ARE ALL QUITE ALARMING, I am happy to serve, as that is what I would be doing at that hour anyway.

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4. Do you trust Fox News to report fairly on Trump’s presidency?

Yes. When asked to report if things are going well with Trump’s presidency, Fox News will report, “Fairly!”

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5. On which issues does the mainstream media do the worst job of representing Republicans? (Select as many that apply.)

This is what we in the industry call a leading question, although it is not so much a leading question as a question that grabs you and drags you into a “Saw”-like facility and obliges you to make a choice that you do not feel is quite correct. Also, “as many that apply” is wrong.

6. Which television source do you primarily get your news from?

I thought I was supposed to be exclusively watching “Fox & Friends,” the most trusted of the morning shows, is this not correct?

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7. Do you use a source not listed above?

The ads directed at Donald Trump during “Saturday Night Live.”

8. Which online source do you use the most?

ABCNEWS.COM.CO.

9. Do you trust the mainstream media to tell the truth about the Republican Party’s positions and actions?

Positions and actions? Look, I understand the difficulty here because it is impossible at certain levels to measure position and movement at the same time. No, wait, I am thinking of science, the other thing we frown on, not journalism.

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10. Do you believe that the mainstream media does not do their due diligence fact-checking before publishing stories on the Trump administration?

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If you define “due diligence” as “checking to make certain that Donald Trump agrees with what is about to be printed,” then no. Also, “do you believe that the mainstream media does not do” is a slippery way of phrasing this.

11. Do you believe that the media unfairly reported on President Trump’s executive order temporarily restricting people entering our country from nations compromised by radical Islamic terrorism?

It was unfair that they reported on it, yes, because then people heard about it and became upset and we could no longer exist in the world where its rollout was flawless and made us safer. (This survey is not afraid to use the phrase “radical Islamic terrorism,” as surveys about how mean the media was being to the president during the Obama and Bush eras were — wait, no, we did not have surveys like that then.)

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12. Were you aware that a poll was released revealing that a majority of Americans actually supported President Trump’s temporary restriction executive order?

Frankly, survey, you don’t seem very interested in my opinions at all.

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13. Do you believe that political correctness has created biased news coverage on both illegal immigration and radical Islamic terrorism?

I thought you were asking me things, but it seems like more like you are just yelling at me and telling me what you believe.

14. Do you believe that contrary to what the media says, raising taxes does not create jobs?

Ah yes, that scrolling text at the bottom of all TV broadcasts that says, “Raising taxes creates jobs, just btw.”

15. Do you believe that people of faith have been unfairly characterized by the media?

I don’t like what Breitbart.com says about Jews and Muslims at all!

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16. Do you believe that the media wrongly attributes gun violence to Second Amendment rights?

Wait, is it … Third Amendment rights, then? Which is the guns one?

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17. Do you believe that the media has been far too quick to spread false stories about our movement?

I did not like when all the cable networks broadcast a man in an ill-fitting suit who yelled about how big the inauguration was, if that is what you are talking about.

18. Do you believe that the media uses slurs rather than facts to attack conservative stances on issues like border control, religious liberties, and ObamaCare?

Survey, who hurt you?

19. Do you believe that the media purposely tries to divide Republicans against each other in order to help elect Democrats?

No. Hey, are you okay?

20. Do you believe that the media creates false feuds within our Party in order to make us seem divided?

That’s the same question again. Why are you capitalizing “Party” like that?

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21. Do you believe that the mainstream media has been too eager to jump to conclusions about rumored stories?

Did you have a particular story in mind, survey, say with the word “Russia” in it?

22. Do you believe that if Republicans were obstructing Obama like Democrats are doing to President Trump, the mainstream media would attack Republicans?

Given that this was what happened for years and the media reported on it then, I am not sure what you want me to say, survey. Is “attack” your word for “describe what is happening and print quotes from the people who are doing it”?

23. Do you agree with the President’s decision to break with tradition by giving lesser known reporters and bloggers the chance to ask the White House Press Secretary questions?

I agree that giving LifeZette a front-row seat is a break with tradition!

24. Do you agree with President Trump’s media strategy to cut through the media’s noise and deliver our message straight to the people?

Is that what this is?