36-0: when Arbroath inflicted the heaviest defeat in British football history Five games into the Scottish League One season, Arbroath Football Club currently sit in sixth place, sandwiched between Stranraer and […]

Five games into the Scottish League One season, Arbroath Football Club currently sit in sixth place, sandwiched between Stranraer and Alloa Athletic.

The injury-ravaged ‘Red Lichties’ suffered a bruising 4-1 defeat at the hands of Albion Rovers at the weekend.

However, 132 years ago today, it was the unglamorous Angus team who were ruthlessly punishing an ill-prepared defence, knocking 36 goals past Aberdeen side Bon Accord in the first round of the 1885/1886 Scottish Cup.

A tale of two goalkeepers

The chief engineer of Bon Accord’s pain that day was 18-year-old tricky winger John “Jocky” Petrie, who had recently been signed from local rivals Strathmore.

Petrie scored two early goals on a typically dreich day at Gayfield Park in Arbroath.

The Red Lichties Arbroath take their nickname from the red lights that would guide ships into the town’s harbour from the North Sea.

The floodgates were already creaking and no wonder – Bon Accord were a team who were more happy with a cricket bat or bowl in hand, while Arbroath were a football team first and foremost.

Arbroath, playing in their customary maroon, had set up in a 2-2-6 formation – unfathomable today, but more common in football’s infancy.

Bon Accord were short of players and allegedly started with only nine men on the field, before borrowing two spectators from the crowd.

More goals quickly followed Petrie’s opening brace, one from Munroe and another from Mitchell, before Petrie resumed his solo salvo on Bon Accord keeper Andrew Lornie’s net, with another goal.

Lornie was usually utilised as a defender, but Bon Accord’s usual keeper was suffering from an injury.

Jim Milne Senior, who appeared in the opposite set of sticks, was slightly less busy, according to World Soccer editor Keir Radnedge.

His research suggests Lornie had zero touches of the ball and kept retreating under supporters’ umbrellas when the wet weather increased in ferocity.

By half time, Arbroath were 15-0 to the good.

The hairdryer wasn’t invented for another five years, by Frenchman Alexander Godefroy. Perhaps he came up with the idea when he witnessed the Bon Accord half-time team talk.

On the same day: Dundee Harp 35-0 Aberdeen Rovers Remarkably, less than 20 miles from Arbroath, Dundee Harp were also dishing out a thrashing to an Aberdeen-based club – also in the first round of the Scottish Cup. The referee counted 37 goals in Harp’s favour, only for the Dundee club’s secretary to suggest a miscount, as he had only tallied 35 goals. Due to the volume of goals, the referee accepted he may have miscounted and the game was recorded as a 35-0 win.

A goal every two minutes

Things improved for Bon Accord in the second half when they registered their only shot on goal, which zipped past keeper Milne, only to be intercepted by Arbroath defender Bill Collie.

This, however, was the scantest of silver linings to the most tumultuous of storm clouds – the goals continued to rain in. In the first 15 minutes of the second half Arbroath scored another five goals.

An hour in and Arbroath were averaging a goal every three minutes. Extraordinarily in the final half an hour this would improve to a goal every two minutes.

Teenager Petrie remained the orchestrator of Bon Accord’s embarrassment, racking up several more goals.

By full-time his tally stood at 13, a record that still stands today, matched only by Australian Archie Thompson, who put 13 goals past a pitiful American Samoa in 2001.

When referee Dave Stormont mercifully blew for full-time the final score stood at Arbroath 36 (thirty-six), Bon Accord 0.

Remarkably it could have been more. At the time the Scottish Athletic Journal wrote of the drubbing:

“The leather was landed between the posts 41 times, but five of the times were disallowed. “Here and there, enthusiasts would be seen scoring sheet and pencil in hand, taking note of the goals as one would score runs at a cricket match.”

Several years later Stormont disputed this, claiming he in fact chalked off seven goals:

“My only regret was that I chalked off seven goals, for while they may have looked doubtful from an offside point of view, so quickly did the Maroons carry the ball from midfield, and so close and rapid was their passing, that it was very doubtful whether they could be offside.”

A record broken in Madagascar

Arbroath exited the Scottish Cup in the fourth round to Hibernian, but the scoreline would stand as a world record for 117 years.

It would fall in controversial circumstances in Madagascan capital Antananarivo during a match between AS Adema and SO l’Emyrne.

In protest of refereeing decisions that had gone against them in a previous game, SO l’Emyrne scored 149 own goals, smashing Arbroath’s record by 113 goals

Though the game between the African islanders stands as the world record for highest scoreline in a football match, for purists of the game and loyal fans of the Red Lichties, the record remains in Angus.