EDITOR'S NOTE: For a complete recap, head to the Live Blog here. For a more... conventional... review, go here.

stadiums, fireworks, then/now/whatever

GOOOOOLDBERG, GOOOOOLDBERG, etc.

GOLDBERG: Imma beat KO at Fastlane

KO: member when I beat Cena, Ambrose, Styles, Rollins, Reigns, and Jericho, cause you're next

GOLDBERG: that's my thing so I'm mad now, let's fight

KO: we're in Green Bay so nah

GOLDBERG: k

NEW DAY pour boxes of cereal on small children

NEW DAY: buy our cereal, still working on the ice cream thing, time to fight the Shining Stars

STARS enter

NEW DAY: Oscars envelope joke, actually gonna fight Rusev and Jinder

entire UNIVERSE does not laugh, anyway here's RUSEV and JINDER

GRAVES: um cmigbear, Jinder's name is Hard Body now

BEAR: k

here's RUSEV and HARD BODY, insert standard NEW DAY match

RUSEV: hey Kofi stop being slightly near my wife

XAVIER: o'connor roll time

HARD BODY: oh

NEW. DAY wins. NEW. DAY wins.

ENZO: title belts are basically giant nametags

CASS: we've never won a title tho, anyway imma fight Gallows

ENZO has clearly had too much coffee

JOE: hey Cesaro, still failing to grasp brass rings I see

CESARO: you carry HHH's jockstrap

JOE: we'll probably fight later right

CESARO: probably

STEPH: hey Mick you suck as GM but I'm not gonna fire you yet because reasons

MICK just stands there

suddenly purple ropes

TOZAWA: LOUD NOISES

a match happens, TOZAWA wins

TOZAWA: aren't I supposed to be feuding with someone else

THE BRIAN: you rang

THE BRIAN kills TOZAWA

MICK is still just standing there

JOE: hey Mick

MICK: you're HHH's puppet, also you get to fight Cesaro

JOE: k

CHARLOTTE: Bayley's supposed to be a good person but she cheated, also your quarterback sucks

DANA: also I'm here

suddenly BAYLEY

BAYLEY: I beat you a bunch of times, also imma win at Mania because dreams

CHARLOTTE: nah

suddenly SASHA

SASHA: your face is stupid, fight me and Bayley

CHARLOTTE: k but not with Dana

suddenly NIA, match starts, NIA kills everyone

CHARLOTTE: tag

NIA: k but why tho

SASHA and BAYLEY beat up CHARLOTTE

DANA: Imma help

BAYLEY: nah

NIA: tag

NIA kills everyone

CHARLOTTE: tag

BAYLEY: gonna beat up Charlotte

NIA: tag

NIA kills everyone and wins, are you sensing a pattern here

MICK: can't give you a fight Braun

BRAUN: contract signing?

MICK: well that's basically a fight so sure

COLE: KO's gonna be on ESPN

entire UNIVERSE sets their DVRs

E&C: HOW YOU DOIN, SAWWWWWWFT, etc.

CASS and GALLOWS have a match

ANDERSON: Imma distract you

CASS: nah

CASS wins

COLE, GRAVES, SAXTON: the WWE network tho

TITUS: Imma set up a match on Facebook while RAW is on so no one sees it, also I'm Irish

SHEAMUS: stop touching me, let's fight

SHEAMUS kills TITUS

GRAVES: member how Joe injured Seth

SETH enters on crutches

GRAVES: how's rehab

SETH: eh

GRAVES: this sucks, huh

SETH: yep, but I kinda deserve it because I was a tool for like a year

GRAVES: you gonna be at Mania

SETH: probably not

suddenly HHH

HHH: you're not gonna be at Mania, please don't come to Mania and call me out, I mean it please don't do that thing I just said

SETH: Imma do that thing you just said

HHH: k

STARS: do we get to fight now

VINCE: sure

SHOW: I am very big

SHOW kills STARS

NEVILLE: let's go fight Gallagher

NESE: k but let's also fight TJ Perkins

NEVILLE: this will cause tension between us for some reason

suddenly purple ropes, general flippiness ensues

GALLAGHER: have a dropkick

GALLAGHER wins and also TJ was there

COLE: Beth Phoenix to the Hall of Fame

UNIVERSE: yay

SASHA: Imma be in Bayley's corner at Fastlane

STEPH: nah you're gonna fight Nia

CESARO and JOE have a match

CESARO: man I'm doing pretty well, I think I can win this ma-

JOE: nah

JOE wins

JOE: Imma hurt everyone on RAW, including Sami

suddenly SAMI who is an idiot

oh wait SAMI actually beats JOE up

UNIVERSE: guess Joe's not really that strong

VINCE: dammit

COLE, GRAVES, SAXTON: THE WWE NETWORK THO

MICK: time to sign a contract

BRAUN: you're pathetic, now leave

MICK: IMMA LEGEND

suddenly ROMAN

BRAUN: Imma beat you up for a bit so you can overcome things

ROMAN: time to overcome things

ROMAN overcomes things, UNIVERSE actually chants ROMAN's name, pigs fly

BRAUN: have a turnbuckle

ROMAN hits the turnbuckle which explodes in his face

ROMAN: still gonna sign the contract so I can overcome things later

COLE: ROMAN HAS NO FEAR

VINCE: hey ring setup guy

GUY: yeah

VINCE: you are very fired