So a couple of months ago, thanks to my wonderful, soon to be sister-in-law, I received a copy of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain. Naturally, I was psyched to read it. There is nothing more exciting for an introvert than to go into introvert mode by getting inside one’s head and reading a book about how wonderful it is to be an introvert. If you think I have said the word “introvert” too much in the first few sentences, well then you are in for a treat.

As a totally unbiased introvert (did I just admit my bias?), Quiet is a well researched book with good insights into the brain of an introvert and into the state of our society. As a member of a church staff, I could not help but think about introverts in ministry/the church as I read it. The church as a whole has followed suit with society’s bias towards extroversion and has consequently not only neglected a third of their members, but has even gone as far as seeing introversion as a weakness to overcome or something that would hold someone back from ministry or being fully invested in a community.

Nothing could be farther from the truth. What has happened is that our lack of understanding of introversion and overvaluing of extroversion has lead us to operate in a way that makes many talented, creative, intelligent, compassionate people feel uncomfortable and unwelcome.

I am an egalitarian and want equality in all areas. Therefore, I do not believe the answer to any issue should be at the expense of another person. We do not empower women by devaluing men. And we do not empower introverts by swinging the pendulum from the extreme extrovert side to the extreme introvert side. However, we must start by recognizing where the pendulum is and then talk about how to get it to the middle. (Disclaimer: I should probably make a case here for the idea that the pendulum is on the extrovert side. However, that would make this post extremely long. Refer to Quiet if you are not already convinced our society, and the church, is extrovert biased whether they mean to be or not)

So in this post I want to balance it out a little by talking about the unique ways that introverts add to the church.

1. Introverts care deeply about people

This phrase is usually attributed to extroverts. They’re the people people. And introverts usually get accused of not liking or caring about people. Now for some, this actually may be true. But the same could be argued for extroverts, they just express it in a different way. Being social does not automatically mean you care about people.

For introverts, it is no secret that large crowds overwhelm them. Personally, I prefer to hang out with people one on one or in smaller groups. That is how I show them that I care about them. The mingling times before and after church, depending on how comfortable I feel with the people, typically can be an uncomfortable environment for me. For one, there is usually loud music and as someone with a not so loud voice, I am usually screaming out social pleasantries at someone I don’t know who probably thinks I’m crazy or feels bad that they can’t understand a word I am saying. Two, I tend to need a reason to go up to someone. Some people can pull out conversation from their butt. Me? I’m lucky if someone rants for thirty minutes about where they’re from because that’s pretty much the only question I got. I hate social pleasantries and would rather talk more deeply with someone. But in public places, I know that will not always happen so I first have to get over that expectation. There is also the aspect of external stimuli. Whereas an extrovert might walk into these settings and be pumped about all the people they want to talk to, an introvert walks in and from that moment on has to continually fight going into their heads and analyzing everything. We “get” situations fast so we don’t need much external stimuli to understand what is happening. Once we “get” it, we then want to retreat and analyze everything. It’s our sweet spot. Therefore, mingling can be extremely exhausting and vulnerable to an introvert. So when I am pushed to be spending more time with people, when I am told ministry is all about people, I feel a little overwhelmed. Not because I do not like people, but because of where my brain naturally goes. I feel the expectation to constantly be mingling, which is my interpretation of what the Bible is describing when it talks about hell. I feel the expectation to constantly be with people, and usually large groups of people. The second someone says “It’s all about people” as an exhortation to be hanging out with more people than we already are, I want to take a nap right then and there because of the exhaustion I feel just thinking about that.

In large crowds, introverts are perfectly comfortable having a long deep conversation with someone, which some people need. Some people do not want to be asked how their week was in passing. They want to be allowed the time and attention to really express how they are feeling. And while an extrovert’s ability to mingle is really effective and helpful in ministry, it should not be directly correlated with a care for people while an introvert’s ability to dig deeply into one person’s life in the same span of time is not.

But that is usually how people are judged. How a staff member or pastor can work a crowd affects people’s perceptions of how good they are with people, whether it should or not. What most people do not see are the introverts who throughout the week are meeting one on one with people. How I express my care for people is through deep conversations over coffee, through really investing in a handful of people’s lives as opposed to having many acquaintances, through spending time in deep reflection and study so that the information I present or the things I talk about are well thought out and prepared. My way of caring for people just looks different from the norm. It’s just that my uncomfortable situation, i.e. mingling in a large crowd on a Sunday morning, is on display for all to see. Most extroverts are uncomfortable being by themselves but they can get away with not being alone because no one would know.

You should challenge an introvert to step outside of their comfort zone a little bit, but know that it may not look the same as the level of socialness of an extrovert. Also, make sure you are affirming an introvert’s natural abilities more than you are challenging them to operate outside of them.

2. Introverts spend much time in deep reflection and thought

I believe knowledge is power. You cannot have correct behavior if you do not have correct belief. However, there is a slight emphasis on orthopraxy over orthodoxy in the Christian world and there is even a growing negative stigma around the word orthodoxy. True, it has been used rigidly and legalistically, but orthodoxy, or correct belief, is just as important as correct behavior because a person’s beliefs will shape their behavior.

Extroverts tend to be doers, so naturally orthopraxy appeals more to them. And thank God it does because they are a huge reason why stuff gets done. But much can be accomplished as well when there is a group of people thinking through the hows and whys of what we do. Extroverts can tend to get antsy and crave social interaction when they are forced to sit back and reflect. But an introvert naturally does this. A benefit to this “introvert time” is that new ideas and understandings can arise when an introvert is given much time and freedom to contemplate. We hear about theologians, philosophers, poets, authors, artists who spent hours upon hours in solitude or in nature contemplating the things of God and their contributions have shaped our way of thinking and acting for decades.

Personally, I love thinking about why we do what we do and how we can do better. Why do we teach a fear based purity culture? Why do we put pressure on students to evangelize to people they don’t have a relationship with? How can we be more effective and Christ like in our relationships? In what ways are we preaching guilt instead of grace? Do short term mission trips actually accomplish any good? The list could go on. Our actions must have a theological basis or we risk missing the mark of what Jesus actually called us to do. Some churches come up with ideas and implement them without stepping back and asking, “Does this fit into what Jesus called the church to be?” Real damage can happen when the church does not think through what they are doing. Real people with previous hurts and wounds from the church can be hurt again if we carelessly teach or do whatever controversial or shocking idea comes to our heads and sounds like a good idea. This is another way introverts show they care about people.

It is not orthopraxy versus orthodoxy or vice versa. It is orthopraxy and orthodoxy working together. Just like introverts and extroverts.

3.Introverts can see into the future (no, but really)

There is a big value in ministry and in the church placed on taking risks. Stepping out in faith means putting everything on the line, doing something crazy that seems impossible and trusting that God will take care of you. And although this is true, our implementation of it can sometimes be stupid. God never calls us to be stupid or excuse something we want to do as something he called us to do. And many times we have mistaken stupidity for faith. More specifically, we have hidden our own incompetence or lack of preparation behind the banner of faith. Yes I do believe that in ministry you have to take some risks sometimes. You can’t be too afraid of failure. But I have seen people take risks carelessly. “Well isn’t that what taking a risk means?” you might ask. There is a difference between jumping into something without weighing the consequences versus actually weighing the consequences and benefits and then deciding to take a risk. Taking a risk does not mean you do not look at what is in front of you and face reality. Taking a risk means you know the reality of the situation and you are choosing to step into it. And taking a risk also does not mean that you do not prepare or set yourself up for success. I have seen many good ideas fail because someone jumped in too early. The idea might have actually happened or been good but someone got too impatient and launched the idea before it was time.

Introverts have a weird ability to see into the future. They are highly observant and typically analytical and therefore when something fails, they will analyze it until they figure out why. They then can see similar situations and how they will potentially play out based on the factors they observe. In Quiet, Susan Cain talks about how introverts are more sensitive to their environment than extroverts. They tend to pick up on little nuances and is part of why their brain gets over stimulated more quickly and needs to process and break down everything they just took in. Because of this, introverts have a lot of good thoughts, they just need the time to process. And usually by the time they are ready to say something, someone else has already piped up and they’ve moved on with that person’s idea. But an introvert’s input can potentially save a team from potential disasters. They are the people who can help you weigh the consequences, or just even be aware of the consequences, before you take a risk.

So if you know who the introverts are in your church, consult them and allow them to be heard whenever you are making decisions. In a group meeting, they may not speak up as easily so you may need to talk to them one on one afterwards.

I have learned that community does not mean hanging out as a group 24/7. Again, a concept that can be overwhelming for most introverts. It means recognizing those who are in your community, how each uniquely adds to the community, and how to interact with and meet each other’s needs. It doesn’t mean everyone conforming to one understanding of community, but rather allowing the people and personalities to shape that community.

I am grateful for the recent research and voices that have worked to help introverts feel comfortable with who they are and what they have to offer. I am grateful for the extroverts who listen and really care to understand how to interact with and empower their introverted friends and co-workers. In the church, we should always strive to see things from other people’s perspectives and to constantly evaluate how we are welcoming people instead of pushing them away.

How would you say you have positively benefited from the introverts around you?