A. Pox. On. EVERYBODY. Unsubscribe. I UNSUBSCRIBE from a country that is stupid enough to figuratively STOP ITSELF for two weeks to fight over this.

Today, President Trump declassified the “secret” Devin Nunes memo that was supposed to blow the lid off of corruption at the F.B.I. and the Department of Justice. Republicans in Congress released the memo, un-redacted, over the objection of Democrats, the DOJ, and the F.B.I.

It’s three pages. I’ve read it. You can read it. Lids remain unblown. The Constitution hasn’t spontaneously combusted. Dana has not turned into Zuul.

We have apparently spent two weeks fighting over whether we can see somebody disagree about the issuance of a warrant.

I cannot emphasize enough how stupid this is. Every time a warrant is issued, somebody disagrees, usually the target of the warrant. THE END.

Reading this memo in the best possible light to justify it’s existence as a thing worth reading: Nunes alleges that the FISA Court decided to issue a warrant for surveillance of Trump aide Carter Page based on evidence presented to it by the government that came from Christopher Steele. Nunes claims that the “Steele Dossier,” (you know, the one that says Trump likes to be peed on) was a product of a partisan opposition operation against Donald Trump. He alleges that the partisanship was not disclosed, and the the Steele Dossier should not have been the basis for the issuance of the FISA warrant.

Not that facts matter at all in this country anymore, but it’s just factually untrue that the Steele Dossier was the sole reason for the issuance of the warrant. It’s the only one that Nunes focuses on, and that’s probably why the DOJ and F.B.I. begged Trump to keep the memo confidential. It’s not “explosive,” it’s just misleading.

But whatever. It’s also misleading when Peloton suggests that I am 30 minutes a day away from from looking like shirtless Idris Elba.

Trump, this morning, called what was “happening in the country” a “disgrace”– without any hint of irony or self-awareness, which is amazing.

And… that’s it. THAT’S THE WHOLE THING. We’ve been fighting for WEEKS over whether we can see, or not see, the Republican complaint about a warrant taken out on a Trump staffer. To put that in context for non-lawyers: fighting over this is like when politicians spends all their time at a debate arguing that they haven’t been given enough time. The decision has been MADE and even if you have a credible complaint, it’s not worth it to stop the whole freaking debate to make it.

But, again, a pox on EVERYBODY because it take two to tango. It BOGGLES MY MIND that Democrats, people who should be spending ALL THEIR TIME working on impeachment motions or MAKING A HUMAN SHIELD around Dreamers the president is trying to deport, wasted so much time an effort to block the release of the memo. PICK YOUR FREAKING BATTLES. “We read the Nunes memo. It’s… crap. Can we get back to the 700,000 people Trump is trying to deport for no reason other than it makes white supremacists happy?”

Actually, I’ll go a step further, in a timeline where Democrats had a GODDAMN CLUE, it’d be PROGRESSIVES who are leading the charge to reign in the power of FISA courts. Make no mistake, in a FISA court, the government presents the whole case to the court, without the public and adversarial process our system usually relies on. So it’s actually kind of important what kind of information the government uses, and what information is left out. Obviously, in this particular case, it appears that the FISA court did use more information than what Nunes is alleging. But, writ-large, “Man, we’ve got to do something about the secret and unrestrained power of FISA courts,” should be an EASY WIN for Democrats.

I mean, it feels like I’m taking CRAZY PILLS. “Maybe we shouldn’t give law enforcement nearly unfettered power to conduct surveillance on American citizens,” should be something that brings us together, and instead it nearly BROKE THE GOVERNMENT.

Everything is stupid. THE ENTIRE GODDAMN COUNTRY IS RUN BY IDIOTS AND BAD PEOPLE. Devin Nunes is a cheap hack who is trying to make a simple disagreement on the issuance of a warrant into a goddamn Dan Brown novel. The F.B.I. and DOJ are institutions of the police state who will snatch your civil liberties right out from under you if you blink. Democratic leaders can’t keep their eyes on the ball. The Russian government is in a position to kink-shame the President of the United States. Who himself is a corrupt bigot who is willing to destroy the rule of law in order to get away with his obstruction of justice.

This is the worst possible timeline. I VOTE FOR KANG AND KODOS.

Here’s The Nunes Memo In Case You Think I’m Lying About How Pointless It Is

Elie Mystal is the Executive Editor of Above the Law and the Legal Editor for More Perfect. He can be reached @ElieNYC on Twitter, or at elie@abovethelaw.com. He will resist.