When I first saw this clip, I thought the “exclusive” referred to the fact that this obscure website has managed to get a picture of Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg in a coat and tie. This would be a sighting on a par with catching out a pileated woodpecker in a pear tree wearing a tux. An oddity for sure, but still pretty thin on news value.

But no, something called Get Ink — Entertainment, brought to me by something else called DC Statesman, on whose emblem there is a likeness — sort of — of Abraham Lincoln appearing to be suffering from reflux disease, and which started appearing, unbidden, in my incoming emails, claims a much bigger story. Leaning on such diaphanous sources as “according to those closest to the developer” and “according to friend and co-workers,” Get Ink claims young Mark is “disgusted” with his invention, which has made teenage girls out of a significant fraction of the world’s population and made him a billionaire along the way. Zuckerberg, they claim, will be leaving his creation because so much of the use to which it has been put is trashy, trivial, tendentious, and even sometimes violent.

Heck, I could have told Mark this years ago. But before starting an office pool over who will take over the reins of this monumental waste of time, consider that no other media has managed to tumble to Zuckerberg’s imminent departure. Perhaps no one else is so close to “those closest to…” Most of the other news about Zuckerberg now centers on his choice as Harvard’s commencement speaker this year. I wonder if he’ll wear a T-shirt for this gig.

“Mark Zuckerberg’s leadership has profoundly altered the nature of social engagement worldwide,” Harvard president Drew Faust told the Harvard Gazette. Sadly, this is all too true. And I’m sure God will get Zuckerberg for this later (and perhaps Faust as well). In the meantime, if I wish to learn more about Zuckerberg’s imminent departure from Facebook I’ll need to head out to the nearest supermarket checkout line.

But here’s one you can rely on. If Zuckerberg ever does leave Facebook, any disgust notwithstanding, he’ll keep the money.