BOSTON, MA- Mark Josey, living a happy married life with 3 children, has only recently recovered from his awkward man-crush on Astolfo from Fate/Apocrypha, but Japan isn’t letting him go that easily. As the new season has rolled in, Josey has once again been presented a new set of challenges.

“I swear anime is geared to get me into these weird things time after time,” Josey declares, blaming the multi-million-dollar industry.

This time Josey nominates Houseki no Kuni as the biggest offender, a series that features genderless gemstones as the main characters. According to Josey, he isn’t even that bothered by the fact that the characters have no specified gender, it’s more the fact that the characters are literally gems.

“I cannot tell anyone I’ve masturbated to phosphophyllite. The sound of that is absolutely horrible. I have to keep the fact I’ve masturbated to some diamond secret from my wife. These just are not things you can include in your regular conversations.”

According to Josey, the fact he now has to spend large amounts of time contemplating on whether it is morally correct or not to have sexual thoughts about minerals is the kind of philosophical depth he never wanted his entertainment have. Previously, anime has forced him to question his values regarding sexualization of other inanimate objects and, for example, animals.

“Thank God we have things like My Girlfriend is a Faithful Virgin Bitch airing this season. Getting turned on by drawn high-schoolers makes me feel like I’m just your regular creep, nothing more. But stones, that’s where I decide to draw the line.”

Share this: Facebook

Reddit

Twitter

Email

