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Not The Onion, I promise.

The Islamic Republic of Iran accused the Jewish State of Israel of cloud and snow theft. Jews were blamed for moving the clouds away from Iran, in an intentional effort to exacerbate Iran's prolonged drought.

"We are facing the issue of cloud and snow theft,” Brigadier General Gholam Reza Jalali, head of Iran’s Civil Defense Organization, said at a press conference, while blaming Israel and another country for the weather larceny. He cited a survey showing that, above 2,200 meters (7,218 feet), all mountainous areas between Afghanistan and the Mediterranean are covered in snow, except Iran.

Weather status update: We apologize for the extreme heat in the northeast. We have repairmen coming to fix. You can track updates here



From, The Jews — Shoshana Weissmann, Sloth Committee Chair (@senatorshoshana) July 2, 2018

I'm so sick of everyone complaining when the weather is bad and never appreciate nice days like today. We Jews work hard to moderate the weather and we deserve appreciation — Shoshana Weissmann, Sloth Committee Chair (@senatorshoshana) May 7, 2018

Earlier this year, a Democrat lawmaker in D.C. similarly accused Jews of controlling the weather when he experienced snow in March, regurgitating a California conspiracy theorist's anti-Semitic propaganda about Jews controlling climate change.

But alas, I have solved the mystery of the stolen snow clouds. The unwanted snow clouds that came into D.C. in March were, in fact, the snow clouds intended for Iran in July, but stolen, and then sent back in time to attack D.C.!

If Jews controlled the weather, no one would be leaving Long Island to move to West Palm Beach. — mitrebox (@mitrebox) March 20, 2018

Both the Democrat and the Iranian officials appear to have kept their jobs.

To be fair, the Democrat did apologize to the Jews, because, he explained, they funded his campaign, sooo ...

And the Iranian official was contradicted by an Iranian meteorologist, but now that the scientist has contradicted the Iranian government, we may never hear from him again, sooo ...