For the better part of two minutes, I stared down at the form in front of me. I was attending a formal dinner later that week and the RSVP required I choose whether I was “Mr, Mrs or Ms”. I looked at the question and froze, unsure of what to do.

For many people, this choice would’ve caused no anxiety whatsoever. For many people, choosing a title is a simple matter. But for me, picking a title has always been an endeavor fraught with anxiety, confusion and frustration. That’s because I don’t identify as a man or as a woman, I identify as genderqueer.

There are many challenges that arise when you live your life outside of the gender binary like I do. I never know which bathroom to use, I don’t know which section of the store to shop in, and I’m frequently harassed on the street by people who don’t understand my gender identity. Above all of those concerns, the bigger issue that people like me face is that our identities are so rarely taken seriously.



I’m reminded of this problem each time I fill out a form that doesn’t include a gender-neutral option. It’s as if, through these omissions, the architects of digital forms have decided that people like me do not matter. So often, gender non-conforming people are not worth mentioning.

Growing up, I assumed that the only way to have a gender-neutral title would be if I got a PhD and could make everyone call me “Dr”. For most of my life, I didn’t realize that there was another way out of the “Mr/Ms” dichotomy. That changed when, in my junior year of college, a favorite professor of mine introduced me to an artist named Justin Vivian Bond who used a gender-neutral term that I had never heard of before: “Mx.”

Almost immediately, I fell in love with the term. Finally, I had a way to preface my family name that didn’t require me to box myself into one gender category or another. I didn’t have to be Mr Tobia anymore. And I didn’t have to get a PhD so that I could be Dr Tobia. Instead, I could simply be Mx Tobia.

When I originally decided to use the term Mx, you couldn’t find it in the dictionary. While the term was used by a small group of people and had a short entry on Wikipedia, it wasn’t officially recognized. And without official recognition, it was difficult for advocates like myself to push for its broader inclusion on forms, nametags and databases.

But on 28 August 2015, that changed. That day, OxfordDictionaries.com – created by the publishers of the Oxford English Dictionary – added Mx to the dictionary. Seemingly overnight, Mx went from an underground, somewhat obscure term, to an official part of the English language.

It is difficult to overstate just how important this change is. The addition of Mx to the dictionary represents the beginning of an unprecedented shift in how Western language, thought and culture understands gender. By adding Mx, the editors embraced a future in which gender does not have to be limited to two options: a world where people can determine their gender on their own terms. Through the addition of Mx, the dictionary has made a historic step towards ensuring that genderqueer, gender non-conforming and gender non-binary people like me can lead lives of dignity and respect.

The addition of Mx also represents a significant step forward for the feminist cause. By decentering gender and providing a gender-neutral option to the terms Mrs and Ms, Mx allows women a third option that is not centered around their marital status or patrilineal nomenclature.

The movement for gender non-binary people doesn’t stop with Mx. In order to be respected and affirmed by society, gender non-binary people need so much more than a dictionary definition. We need governments around the world to create gender-neutral options on identity documents. We need colleges and universities to embrace gender-neutral housing for all students. We need gender-neutral public restrooms that provide safety and privacy without separating people on the basis of gender identity. And more than any one of these structural changes, we need to live in cultures that no longer make assumptions about who we are or who we want to be based on our genitalia or our sex assigned at birth.

Like with any social change, I’m sure that there are those who oppose the use of the term Mx. But I’m not too worried about their opposition, because we’ve already won. Mx is in the dictionary; Mx is an official part of the English language; Mx. is here to stay.

• This article was amended on 1 September 2015. The article has been amended to reflect the fact that the honorific Mx was added in OxfordDictionaries.com, not the Oxford English Dictionary.