Name: The 5p cup charge.

Status: Just a possibility.

Appearance: The big Liberal Democrat policy of 2016.

I’m sorry, the who? Come on, you remember the Liberal Democrats. Decent sorts. Broke your heart. Got decimated in the election. You can fit all of them in a minivan.

Right, I remember. What have they got against cups? The UK gets through 5,000 disposable coffee cups every single minute of the day.

Really? We recycle that many? No, because many of the cups aren’t recyclable. To make them waterproof, the paper they are made from is fused with polyethlene, which …

Yeah, yeah, I get it. Right. So now Tim Farron is saying that he wants to cut the number of disposable cups we use, by introducing a 5p levy.

Like we did with plastic bags? Exactly. We’ve used 6bn fewer plastic bags since the charge came in last year, raising almost £30m for charity in the process. Farron claims that a 5p cup charge would similarly reduce the number of cups by 2bn.

What a good idea. It’s not perfect, obviously. Like the supermarkets before them, coffee shops would have to introduce some sort of “cup for life” scheme.

You mean a cup? Yes, like a cup. But one that lasts for several drinks at a time.

Like a cup? A regular cup? You’ve lost me.

Anyway, this sounds awfully familiar. Wasn’t Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall talking about this on a BBC TV programme last month? No, no. This is something else entirely. This is entirely the work of Tim Farron and the Liberal Democrats. It’s their idea and if this ever becomes a thing it’s all because of them.

And didn’t Rory Stewart say something about this earlier in the year when he was an environment minister? No, nope, definitely not. Absolutely different. This is all Tim Farron’s idea and from now on we should all refer to the 5p cup charge as the “definitely Tim Farron’s 5p cup charge”.

Will Tim Farron get this through parliament by himself, then? Good point.

Do say: “Regardless of whose idea this is, this should be implemented as soon as possible.”

Don’t say: “I didn’t bring a cup. Please pour my venti soy latte directly into my mouth, and misspell my name on my cheek.”