by Charlie

Perhaps Ieshuh Griffin didn’t know any better when she attempted to use “NOT the whiteman’s bitch” to describe herself on the ballot in Wisconsin. She was called to task by, uh duh, six old white men, retired judges who serve on Wisconsin’s Accountability Board in charge of regulating elections. Three of them said (in so many words), “We don’t want you to be our bitch anyway, ho” and two of them said, “Not so fast, Beloved.” Griffin needed four of the former in order to get the language on the ballot so she could become a state assemblymember. As one of the judges was absent, her name will appear on the ballot without her snappy slogan. The board, under “staff recommendation,” told Griffin her word choice was pejorative, which, along with the profane, discriminatory and obscene, is not allowed. Concerned FoxNews.com commenter George W wanted to know, “Why would anyone in any state actually allow a hooker to run for any position of power.”

Griffin isn’t a hooker, but she is turning a few heads. Board chair member Judge Gordon Myse said, “Isn’t she saying, ‘I’m not under the white man’s direction? I’m independent of that.’ Isn’t that what she’s saying?”

Griffin argued that her word choice was “a freedom of expression” and “not racial”:

“’Whiteman’s bitch’ is in quotations. It’s not geared towards a person. The whiteman is a compound word put together. A bitch is a dog or a rollover. [I have no idea what she’s talking about here but PRRRREACH, sister!] I’m making a statement that says, ‘I’m not an average politician.’”

Why Griffin didn’t use “I’m Not An Average Politician” to describe herself using the 5 words allotted to independent candidates is up for debate. She is, however, reportedly suing in federal court. According to Griffin, “everyone I spoke with, elderly and young, understand my point of view.” Me too, I guess. Well, sort of?

Griffin’s story made me stop and think about modern day white man’s bitchdom. Aren’t we all used to being the white man’s bitch by now? Aren’t you? Probably. I mean, who isn’t, right?

Even white men are used to being the white man’s bitch these days. Some people are so immune to the white man’s “bend over, take it and like it” drill that they have no idea what I’m talking about right now. “Me? Noooooo! I’m white and privileged. I have my own bitches.” Sure, but I’m not talking about your garden variety stank bitch. I’m talking about the bitches that do what they’re told because they can’t imagine doing things differently or deviating from the norm and exiting the White Man’s purview, even though they may have the desire to do so.

People don’t because, guess what? There’s rarely any money in it and it usually involves conflict, which, who needs that?

Standing up against The Man is easy to talk, write, think and dream about, but rarely experienced, witnessed, done intelligently or well-executed. When The Man (he looks white from here but I suppose he could be any color?) makes egregious mistakes, we all tend to heave a collective sigh of rebuke before we’re reminded of our bitch status and then we move on to the latest in celebrity gossip. It’s simple to forget, being so lazy and all.

“The white man’s bitch” is just another way of saying “desensitized tool” and everyone is at least occasionally guilty of accepting this role. That’s why I found Griffin’s choice of words at once charming and terribly misguided. She could only use five words on the ballot to describe herself to voters and she went with the most poignant, garish, controversial and naive. “She says a lot in five words,” said board member Thomas Barland. “It wasn’t pornographic, it wasn’t obscene and I didn’t interpret it as racial.”

I doubt I’d have been nearly as creative as Griffin and my description would most certainly have been pornographic. So hats off. Think about it, Griffin only needed five words to say what it’s taken Tipper Gore decades to articulate.

NOT the whiteman’s bitch will not be elected to office, but I do think what she did was BRAVE. And now if you’ll excuse me, I have a number of episodes of Friday Night Lights to watch and several wars to ignore.

Charlie is the pen name of a woman who works in New York City in a place that is far too professional to discuss being the white man’s bitch.