Atlanta Braves vs. the mock drafts… who will be right?

Atlanta Braves vs. the mock drafts… who will be right? by Alan Carpenter

Emilio Bonifacio has seemingly been the bane to the Braves’ existence this season. His .147/.167/.235 slash line is absolutely appalling, but for some reason, he remains on the club. So…are Braves fans missing something? Is there more to this Bonifacio guy than we’re observing?

The Atlanta Braves initially acquired Emilio Bonifacio in a trade with the Cubs prior to the 2014 trade deadline, after which the switch-hitting utility man batted just .212. After spending 2015 with the White Sox, Bonifacio found himself back in the Braves’ organization in 2016. He batted just .211 in the majors last season.

Apparently his struggles in 2014 and 2016 weren’t enough to convince the Braves to rid themselves of the nuisance, as he made their Opening Day roster this season. Bonifacio currently leads the team in pinch hit at-bats, with 23. Lane Adams, currently in Gwinnett, is 2nd with 8.

So, as we approach June with this loser still taknig up space on the Braves’ roster (and still being Brian Snitker’s go-to pinch hitter), one question still stands: WHY???

Well, I’ve come up with a few good reasons.

He batted .296 one time!!

2011 was a very great year for Emilio. He batted a career high .296, stole 40 bases, and managed to collect 167 hits, including 7 triples. You know who else also batted .296 one time? Yep, you guessed it! Atlanta Braves legend Chipper Jones (2005…but he was usually better than that).

For reasons unknown, Emilio has since fallen off from his historic year, but if he can return to his Hall of Fame form, his signing will go down as one of Coppy’s greatest moves, on up there with the Dansby trade.

Coppy lost a bet

Okay, so maybe Bonifacio isn’t exactly a Hall of Fame guy, but maybe there’s been a little friendly gambling going on between baseball executives.

Upon investigation, I may have uncovered something spectacular. It’s rumored Copolella and Mets GM Sandy Alderson made a unique bet heading into the 2016 season. Coppy truly believed the Braves had potential and bet Alderson that the Braves could win exactly 69 games in 2016.

Winning the bet would have given Coppolella the Mets’ 2017 first-round draft pick, but by winning just 68 games, the Braves were forced to honor their end of the deal: Coppy had to sign the worst player he could find, and keep him on the 25-man roster for a full calendar year.

It’s a Make-A-Wish dream come true!

Following the 2013 season, Emilio Bonifacio recieved the terrible news that he was diagnosed with an undisclosed terminal illness. His one dream was to bat under .200 for the Atlanta Braves. The Make-A-Wish foundation mistook Bonifacio for a little kid, and set out to make it happen.

Thankfully, the Braves were able to trade for Bonifacio in 2014, but were forced to let him go when he couldn’t keep his average down. After batting .167 with the White Sox the following season, it was clear that he was ready for another shot at his dream.

The club saw progress with Emilio in 2016, as he dropped his average a full point down from his 2014 mark of .212. This prompted Copollela to re-sign him once more, and now what we’re seeing from Emilio Bonifacio in 2017 is nothing short of a dream come true.

He’s blackmailing John Copollela

While Emilio may seem like a nice guy, he could still have some dirty ways about him. This includes, but is not limited to, blackmailing MLB executives.

Rumor has it that Bonifacio may know Coppy’s secrets to pulling off miraculous trades, and apparently it’s pretty bad, because Bonifacio’s managed to buy himself an extra year in the MLB.

I have sources that have told me the Braves have tried releasing Bonifacio from his contract multiple times this season, but that Boni has blocked the move each time with a suspicious clause in his contract. Really gets you thinking…

All jokes, aside, Emilio Bonifacio is very bad, and the Atlanta Braves have absolutely no reason to keep him employed. He’s batting a whole .087 as a pinch hitter this year, and Snitker’s decision to repeatedly send him to the plate is beyond my comprehension. I think I speak for all Braves fans when I say this: Get that guy outta here!