Millions of Americans find social settings uncomfortable and anxiety-inducing. The Onion provides some tips for dealing with social anxiety:

If you’re in a public place and find yourself feeling physically uncomfortable, check to make sure you’re not just sitting weird in your chair.



Instead of dwelling on every far-fetched way the situation could possibly go wrong, focus on the one or two ways you could conceivably make it out of this without exposing yourself as a bumbling fool.



Limit your alcohol intake in social situations, as you may need to commandeer a vehicle while fleeing.



Get out in front of the issue. Point out everyone else’s flaws before anyone has a chance to notice yours.



Challenge negative thoughts by reminding yourself that your life is not at stake during social events, just your ability to ever maintain a normal relationship with another human being.



Have you tried running? Running worked for Jeff.



Sometimes it’s useful to imagine your anxiety as a separate physical presence, such as an unrelenting swarming cloud of bugs or a fire that’s already searing the skin on your arms.



Above all, try not to dwell on the hundreds of millions of people out there—the majority of the planet, really—who are perfectly comfortable in their own skin.