Acting President Donald Trump dismissed alleged memos written by recently-fired FBI Director James Comey as classic example of Comey’s showboating.

“James thinks he’s so freaking special because he can hold a pen and he rubs it in everyone’s face,” said Trump. “I could hold a pen too if I were a freakish giant like showboatin’ Comey.”

Trump recounted how Comey’s note taking played a role in the decision to remove him from the role of FBI director.

“He just wouldn’t stop writing,” screeched Trump. “Going in for a hug? Writing. Formal request for friendship and loyalty? Writing. Expressing a polite hope that the FBI would stop investigating my buddy? Writing! There wasn’t a moment this nerd wasn’t scribbling in his handy-dandy notebook.”

At press time, Trump was directing the EPA to find a way to lock Comey up for destroying the environment via excessive paper use.

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