“The special relationship is stronger than ever,” Donald Trump and Theresa May will declare when they meet in Washington next month. How do I know? Because such meetings are carefully choreographed in advance; even the election of a highly unpredictable US president will not alter that script.

Whenever a UK prime minister meets a US president, he or she looks needy and desperate to get a public re-statement of the much-vaunted special relationship. American officials and politicians are bemused by it, but play along. It costs nothing to spout this outdated mantra, even if the most important player on the European stage is now the German Chancellor – which will be cemented by Brexit.

I have seen this show many times on trips to Washington with the last four prime ministers. Trump will happily talk about his Scottish mother, his golf courses and his desire to meet the Queen, and May will highlight the historic ties that bind the two countries. They will be happy to be seen as the new “Ronnie and Maggie” – Reagan and Thatcher. When they face the TV cameras, the two leaders will prefer to stick to such trivia rather than disclose private discussions about the threats facing the world at a very dangerous time.

May’s top priority – even if it is not done in public – should be to urge Trump not to cosy up to Vladimir Putin, and to resist the temptation to form an alliance of two strongmen that would mean ignoring Russia’s acts of aggression, cyber-terrorism and propping up of Syria’s Bashar al-Assad.

The Prime Minister could soon look isolated on Russia in the UN Security Council and over international sanctions imposed over Ukraine. France looks certain to elect a pro-Russian president this spring. Putin must sing “Everything’s going my way” in the bath. But May’s potential isolation offers her a chance to show strength by standing up to Moscow – even if it offends Trump.

Donald Trump's most controversial quotes Show all 14 1 /14 Donald Trump's most controversial quotes Donald Trump's most controversial quotes On Isis: "Some of the candidates, they went in and didn’t know the air conditioner didn’t work and sweated like dogs, and they didn’t know the room was too big because they didn’t have anybody there. How are they going to beat ISIS?" Getty Donald Trump's most controversial quotes On immigration: "I will build a great wall — and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me —and I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words." Reuters Donald Trump's most controversial quotes On Free Trade: "Free trade is terrible. Free trade can be wonderful if you have smart people. But we have stupid people." PAUL J. RICHARDS | AFP | Getty Images Donald Trump's most controversial quotes On Mexicans: "When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re sending people that have lots of problems. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists." Getty Donald Trump's most controversial quotes On China: "I just sold an apartment for $15 million to somebody from China. Am I supposed to dislike them?... I love China. The biggest bank in the world is from China. You know where their United States headquarters is located? In this building, in Trump Tower." Getty Images Donald Trump's most controversial quotes On work: "If you're interested in 'balancing' work and pleasure, stop trying to balance them. Instead make your work more pleasurable." AP Donald Trump's most controversial quotes On success: "What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to each new twist of fate." Donald Trump's most controversial quotes On life: "Everything in life is luck." AFP Donald Trump's most controversial quotes On ambition: "You have to think anyway, so why not think big?" Getty Images Donald Trump's most controversial quotes On his opponents: "Bush is totally in favour of Common Core. I don't see how he can possibly get the nomination. He's weak on immigration. He's in favour of Common Core. How the hell can you vote for this guy? You just can't do it." Reuters Donald Trump's most controversial quotes On Obamacare: "You have to be hit by a tractor, literally, a tractor, to use it, because the deductibles are so high. It's virtually useless. And remember the $5 billion web site?... I have so many web sites, I have them all over the place. I hire people, they do a web site. It costs me $3." Getty Images Donald Trump's most controversial quotes On Barack Obama: "Obama is going to be out playing golf. He might be on one of my courses. I would invite him. I have the best courses in the world. I have one right next to the White House." PA Donald Trump's most controversial quotes On himself: "Love him or hate him, Trump is a man who is certain about what he wants and sets out to get it, no holds barred. Women find his power almost as much of a turn-on as his money." Getty Images Donald Trump's most controversial quotes On America: "The American Dream is dead. But if I get elected president I will bring it back bigger and better and stronger than ever before and we will make America great again." GETTY

May should spell out to Trump the dangers of him turning his back on Nato. It would only encourage Putin to launch another military intervention – probably in the Baltic states, where UK troops could find themselves in the front line.

As home secretary, May trusted the intelligence services and we can guess that she will share the CIA’s view that Russians hacked the Democratic Party’s emails to influence the US election. That is too close to home for Trump, who is in denial, accusing the spooks of “politicising” intelligence when that is precisely what he is doing. May should still tell him that the Russians have crossed a very important line by threatening the democratic process.

She should also tell him not to walk away from the crucial Paris agreement on climate change.

Will May dare to have such a shopping list? The early signs are not great. Downing Street took the unusual step of criticising John Kerry, the US Secretary of State, for branding Benjamin Netanyahu’s government the “most right-wing coalition in Israeli history”. Would No 10 have done this if Trump had not won the election? Of course not. It was a naked attempt to curry favour with the incoming administration. May should urge Trump to be even-handed on the Israel-Palestine question.

She probably won’t. True, May’s task in building a relationship with Trump has been made harder by previous criticisms of him by her and her closest advisers when they thought he had zero chance of reaching the White House. I suspect that this elephant never forgets.

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Another headache is the annoying presence of Nigel Farage, who seems to be enjoying an even higher profile since allegedly standing down as Ukip leader. He will embarrass her for the third time since Trump’s win by attending the inauguration of his soulmate on 20 January. And Farage will be the ghost at the feast when May dines with Trump.

The Prime Minister should ignore any advisers who argue that realpolitik means keeping her head down on Russia, the Middle East and climate change in order to keep her eye on the main prize – a US-UK trade deal, vital after Brexit. Trump’s shift from big multilateral to bilateral trade agreements should work to Britain’s advantage, and a deal would be to mutual benefit. May should be able to make progress on that while also standing tall against Putin.