Survivor: Island of the Idols has arrived! Every week, Parade.com’s Mike Bloom will bring you interviews with the castaway most recently voted off of the island.

An academic through and through, Jamal Shipman intensely studied Survivor when he found out he was going to play. “I’ve analyzed past personalities and scenarios,” he told me. “Now I’m just going to let instincts take over. I’m not playing Survivor with any of the 500 people who’ve played before. I’m playing with these guys.” Little did Jamal know how much this season would bring conversations and events never before seen in two decades of the show. And it was two figures from his study who assisted his demise, as a trip to Island of the Idols spelled his doom without him even putting pen to parchment.

The admissions counselor got a quick lesson in Survivor strategy when his ally Molly Byman was blindsided, tanking his island GPA. Despite now being on the bottom, he continued to work as a wildcard, setting his sights on Dan Spilo. He also found an idol to place in his bag, which he made sure to bring to every Tribal Council from then on. Though he swapped tribes, he did not evade the target for long, as Noura Salman still felt leery about him while growing tired of his demeanor around camp. But it was Jamal’s conversations with his fellow castaways that struck fans the most. He had an enlightening and inspiring conversation with his ally Jack Nichting after the latter made a racially insensitive remark. It was a talk that transcended the game, highlighting privilege and the codedness he experiences daily.

Unfortunately, that conversation would be one of the last Jamal would have in the game with Jack. Kellee Kim used her own idol to protect Dean Kowalski, prompting Jamal to surprisingly play his idol on Noura. But the bounceback removed yet another one of his allies, leaving him in a vulnerable position at the merge. He assembled with his swapped tribe to target Dan for his inappropriate and unwanted touching of other castaways. But yet another blindside took out Kellee, confirming his place on the bottom. He then found a literal sign from above in a hanging note that sent him to the Island of the Idols. In a twist of fate, the legends that resided there informed him he had fallen for Survivor sabotage, losing his vote. Though he tried to fabricate an advantage to put the target on Dean, the writing was on the wall. Jamal was next to join the jury, but not before an emotional talk at Tribal Council, where he called out Aaron Meredith’s remarks on Dan’s behaviors.

Now out of the game, Jamal talks over email with Parade about his comments at his final Tribal Council, his strategy behind creating a fake Legacy Advantage, and what moves he attempted to make at the merge after the loss of his closest ally.

Janet is the focus of a lot of Tribal Council, including her idol play. But you end up receiving the majority of the votes. Did that surprise you at the time?

No, I wasn’t surprised. I hoped for a different result, but I was fully prepared to see the votes turn up that way. I talked to every single person on the beach, pleading my case. But the vibe I got from them was very clear: I was in trouble. Also, this is how this group of players do it. They make Tribal all about a decoy and then blindside someone. We focused on Jason when Molly went home. We focused on Dean when Tom went home. We focused on me, Noura and Dean when Jack went home. When I saw the tribe openly focusing on Janet, it was confirmed for me that I was probably the target. I just couldn’t do anything about it.

You speak up about Aaron’s reaction to the comments about Dan, relating it to the role men often play when victims step forward in harassment scenarios. What caused you to bring that up at the moment, and did you worry if it would have a bearing on your game at all?

I felt so badly for Janet as she was talking about how she realized that she should have never gotten involved and how she was questioning whether or not she should stay. At the same time, I was aware of how Janet said some things that had the rest of the tribe upset as well. I was listening very carefully to everything everyone was saying because, at the time, I was also a little confused as to what all took place. I was a part of conversations between me, Kellee, Janet, Lauren, and Noura about how the women were feeling about Dan’s behavior. Molly had confided in me early on about her feelings about Dan’s behavior.

What we see is a bunch of players not understanding the full extent of the situation and questioning each other’s motives. As you watch it, it’s easy to think that everyone has a clear understanding, but we really don’t. No one person has all the facts, nor does any one person know exactly how everyone really feels.

With regard to the moment between Aaron and me, after watching it back, I truly believe that Aaron thought Janet was salty about being blindsided. I knew more than he did about how Kellee felt and with that context, and his comments sounded really out of touch. So, informed with the background knowledge that I had about the situation, I responded to him the way I did. I know for a fact that if Aaron knew what I knew, he would have approached the situation much differently.

Rob and Sandra tell you you have no vote, but in exchange, they give you a pencil and paper. How did you eventually get to the fake Legacy Advantage, and what made you decide to give it to Dean?

This was really fortuitous, actually. While I could have done without losing my vote, I was actually really excited to try this idea out. Earlier in the game, I talked through with Jack what I was going to say when I got back from Island of the Idols if I went. I had already decided that I was going to privately tell select people that I had the power to bestow the Legacy Advantage to someone and that the advantage would show up in their bag the next morning. I was so excited about this because even if the person I picked denied it, that lingering suspicion might be just enough to get an alliance to turn on that person in hopes that they might receive the advantage. If that person got voted out, I would continue to be able to sow suspicion that the person who was voted out gave the Legacy Advantage to someone else!

So, when I got this blank parchment, I immediately thought about making it into an actual fake Legacy Advantage to try this out. Sandra and Rob tried to suggest using it to write a letter with incriminating information and let someone find it to try to break up an alliance. I didn’t really like that idea. So, I went with mine. I decided to give it to Dean for two reasons. At the time, I thought he was solely responsible for getting my boy, Jack, voted out. I thought maybe it was just a coincidence that Kellee just happened to tell Noura to vote for Jack. And also, I thought that Dean might be aligned with people who were willing to cut him in hopes of receiving the advantage. I just didn’t have enough time left on the island to reap the benefits of this move.

Due to both being on the bottom and going to Island of the Idols, you knew you had a target on your back. What was your strategy in the lead-up to Tribal Council to avoid getting voted out, especially knowing you didn’t have a vote?

I tried so many things. I had a conversation with every single person on that beach trying to make my pitch to keep me. Seeing how the votes turned out, I only needed one person who voted for me to vote for Karishma, and I would have forced a tie. And it would have basically been up to Missy. I’m pretty sure she would have decided to vote me out, but I put in a lot of work with her, so who knows. Janet might have voted for Karishma instead of me on a revote. Ugh…the possibilities are endless. This is how you drive a Survivor player mad.

Janet told me that she had an idol. I asked her if she was willing to give it to me, but she said that she didn’t want to give up on her game. Plus, I assumed that the vote would be split between us. So either way, I would be asking her to expose herself to possibly being voted out. It wouldn’t have mattered if I told anyone about the idol because they played it like she had it anyway by splitting the vote.

Finally, I tried to curry favor with Dean, Aaron, and Missy by giving them the information that I didn’t have a vote. I wanted them to know so they wouldn’t try to make a move with my vote and see that I didn’t follow through on it. I also thought that making myself super vulnerable to them might entice them to save me and bank on me being indebted to them for future votes. It…didn’t work.

Your game hit a major curveball when Jack was voted out. What was the process like for you to try to recover from losing your closest ally and move forward in the game?

I was really distraught after Jack left. I vividly remember my confessional after we got back from his Tribal. I said, “I can’t believe I played an idol for the person who voted out my closest ally. The rest of this game is going to be miserable.” And it was. I was in such a good spot before he left. Jack was such a big part of my future plans in this game. If he and I made the merge together, then both Tommy and Aaron would have been more comfortable working with us. Without him, I provided no value, so people went ahead and got themselves comfortable in their game situations without me. Also, I was nervous about flipping by myself. I had an opportunity to work with Aaron, but I wasn’t ready to make that move, so that door quickly closed.

While I was floundering, all of the craziness of this past episode was also taking place, so yeah. It was a pretty miserable time. I know my Island of the Idols challenge is controversial. But for me, it came right on time as an emotional respite where I could get away and have a fun, light-hearted experience with Rob and Sandra.

Talk to me about the chaos of the merge. You get to see Lauren, Tommy, and Dan again, while simultaneously meeting Elizabeth, Elaine, Aaron, and Missy. What was the process like to connect and reconnect with those people?

I was excited to meet new people. I was really intrigued by all four of those Lairo I hadn’t met. I really enjoyed them. Missy and I seemed to get along well. Aaron was very interested in getting to know me and made a strong pitch for us to work together. However, I didn’t know who I could trust. I had been blindsided by my original tribe. I had been blindsided by my new tribe. I didn’t know how to react to my situation. I was overwhelmed and just suspicious of everyone, deathly afraid of trusting the wrong people and being made to look like a fool. I tried to put together a hybrid coalition. The whole time on NuLairo, we had talked about getting back with Lauren and Tommy, so I tried to pull them into a vote with Missy, Elizabeth, Elaine, and Noura. Unfortunately, we see how that turned out.

Your relationship with Noura might be one of the most fascinating on the show. Throughout two episodes, we see her say how much she “hates your face,” you play an idol on her, and you work together to try to vote out Dan. What was the dynamic like throughout your rise and falls?

Noura was a real challenge for me. We were off to a good start at the beginning of the game. I saw that she was struggling to fit in, so she and I had some really nice motivational talks where I tried to get her head in the game and give her some insight into how to connect better with our group. Basically, the relationship that you see between Jason and Noura was the relationship that I was building with her also. Unfortunately, she got it in her head that there was this trio of me, Molly and Jack calling the shots which could not be further from the truth. She was also rubbing people the wrong way, so consensus started to build that she should be the one to go instead of Jason. I was being told that the group wanted to do a split vote on Jason and Noura with the majority on Noura, which I was ok with letting happen.

Once I saw that Molly went instead of Noura, I was all done with thinking that Noura was going to ever be the vote—hence why Jack and I tried to rally a vote against Dan. Unfortunately, Noura continued to believe that I wanted her out because, to keep Dan comfortable, I was telling him that I wanted Noura out. That, among other random interpersonal clashes, is what accounts for her frustration with me at NuLairo.

Once we decided that we were going to vote for Dean instead of Noura at that Tribal before the merge, I came to terms with the fact that I was going to play the rest of this game with Noura, and I couldn’t have her feeling the way she was feeling and saying the things she was saying. The night before that Tribal, we had a long conversation about everything. We basically buried the hatchet and came away from that conversation feeling good about each other. We decided that we should be in a secret alliance which no one would suspect. It was a roller-coaster playing with her, and ultimately it didn’t bear the fruit that I needed it to.

In your final words, you spoke about how it was vital to the Survivor process for you to look for ways for you to grow as a person. Looking back on your experience, what personal growth did you take back into your life after leaving Fiji?

You know, I think I had that wrong. It felt right to say at the moment, but now that I’m further away from the experience and had time at Ponderosa to reflect, I think it’s more accurate to say that going on Survivor just confirmed who I already was as a person. I learned that there are some moral compromises that I’m not willing to make. I learned that I’m honest to a fault when it comes to playing this game. And I learned that my instinct is to trust people and to be trustworthy. These character traits don’t inherently make me a bad Survivor player. It all really depends on who all else I’m playing the game with and whether or not they value those character traits. In the real world, though, I can’t imagine living life any other way.