Chapter 12

Ruby sobbed uncontrollably, tears pouring down her face. She remained there where she had collapsed to her knees. Any sort of concept of time faded from her mind. All she could think of was Pyrrha. There was nothing and no one else in the world she wanted, and now she was gone. Ruby knew it was her own fault. If her brain was not all screwed up Pyrrha would still be there. If Ruby had not violently attacked her, Pyrrha would still be there. But now she was not and there was nothing Ruby could do by cry.

"Ruby…" Penny said, crouching beside her and putting a hand on her shoulder. "I know it hurts but it'll be alright. You'll get through this."

Ruby had totally forgotten about Penny. Not that it really mattered. All that mattered was Pyrrha. "But...I…Pyrrha…" Ruby choked.

"Come on now." Penny encouraged. "Let's get up off the floor and move somewhere more comfortable." Penny took Ruby's hands and helped her up, guiding her to the couch. Ruby curled up in the fetal position once there. "Is there anything I can get you?"

"No." Ruby wept. "I just want Pyrrha."

"I know." Penny said. Her manner of speech was a bit choppy but there was a friendly and soothing quality to her voice. Ruby could hear her take a few steps away before rustling around in her bag. She produced a box of tissues and set it down on the coffee table in front of Ruby. Then she sat down beside Ruby. Ruby instinctively shifted so that her head was on Penny's lap. Penny started gently stroking her hair. "It's all going to be alright. We're going to get through this."

Ruby was not so sure. She kept crying. After a while Penny got up to get her a bottle of water and a fresh box of tissues, the first entirely exhausted. Then Penny returned to her side.

The day before Pyrrha had worked it all out. In addition to contacting and hiring Penny on Ren's suggestion, she had talked to Weiss and secured her new accommodations. The gym had a bedroom for new fighters to use while they found a place of their own, and since it was vacant Pyrrha was going to use it. She had not told Weiss why she wanted it and dodged the question when asked. She got her things squared away and sat on the bed for a while. Soon she realized she was crying. She had been gone for an hour, maybe two, and already the sense of isolation was crushing.

Her phone rang. It was Ruby. She declined the call. There was no way she could talk to her, not now, not after what she had just done. Immediately Ruby called again. Again Pyrrha declined the call. Then a third time. Then Ruby sent a text. Pyrrha could not bear to read it. Then another, and another, and another. She turned off her phone. She knew going in that it was going to be hard, but it was turning out to be so much worse than anticipated. It took almost an hour but she managed to compose herself. She put on a steely expression and emerged into the gym. She was going to train and train and train. It was the only way she could keep her sanity.

Ruby tried calling Pyrrha. All attempts went to voicemail and she left message after message begging her to come back. Then she tried texting, over and over, but there was no response. After that Ruby tried calling Yang but got no response. Her phone was off. That made sense, she was probably training. Even with Penny there Ruby felt a loneliness unlike any she had felt before. Penny made lunch and later dinner, but Ruby remained curled up on the couch. Penny brought some food to her and managed to coax her into eating a bit, but she had little appetite. When she was not crying, Ruby lie there in silence. Penny would give the occasional word of encouragement, but Ruby did not care.

Well after dark Ruby's phone rang. It was Yang. "Yang I…" Ruby started.

"Hey sis, sorry I missed your calls." Yang cut in. From the way she slurred her speech it was clear that she was drunk. "I guess my phone was off. What's up?"

"Pyrrha…Pyrrha left." Ruby wept.

"Where did she go?" Yang asked. "I saw her at the gym…"

"No...you're not getting it." Ruby said. "She left...she left me."

"What?!" Yang shouted. "Why?!"

"She said she was afraid of hurting me." Ruby sobbed. "She hired a nurse to take care of me but...but...I want her to come back."

"Oh God...I...I…" Yang started to cry. "I'm so sorry. I failed you. I failed her. I failed mom and dad and everyone. I just...I didn't know…" Her speech devolved into drunken babbling and sobbing.

"Yang I need your help." Ruby pleaded.

"I can't help!" Yang cried. "I'm useless! I just...I can't!" She hung up.

Ruby was left stunned and sobbing. Whenever she had had a problem, whenever she had been in a tough spot, Yang had always been there for her. Now Pyrrha had abandoned her and Yang too. Without them, what hope was there?

Penny noticed Ruby's obvious pain. "You're going to make it through this." She encouraged. "It will get better. I promise."

"And what if it doesn't?" Ruby cried. "This is...everything's wrong! There's no hope!"

"There's always hope." Penny said. "You just have to believe things will get better."

"I want to believe." Ruby wept. "But I can't."

The next day Ruby did not want to get out of bed. She was still crying on and off, usually on, but Penny always had tissues for her. "You can't keep going like this." Penny said.

"I know." Ruby wept. "I just...I don't know what to do."

"You like to paint right?" Penny asked. "Why not do that?

"But I was painting a portrait of Pyrrha." Ruby sighed. "I...I can't bear to look at it now. With the way I'm feeling...I don't think I could do a good job anyway."

"Well, why don't you paint what you're feeling?" Penny suggested. "It could be a healthy outlet."

"How do I paint a feeling?" Ruby asked.

"You're the artist." Penny replied. "I'm sure you'll figure it out."

"I guess I could give it a try." Ruby said. She forced herself out of bed.

"Good, take a shower and I'll make breakfast." Penny said. "Then you can paint!"

"You know, I never even thought about it, where are you sleeping?" Ruby asked.

"I slept on the couch." Penny replied.

"That's no good." Ruby said.

"No, it's fine." Penny assured her. "I'm used to it. And your couch is very comfortable."

"Well, if you insist." Ruby shrugged.

Pyrrha dared to turn her phone on. More missed calls and texts. All from Ruby. She turned it off again and tossed aside. After getting dressed she headed into the gym, stretched and got warmed up. When Ren arrived they sparred for hours. He would be her primary training partner leading into her next fight. His style most closely matched that of her opponent, so the pairing made sense. It would also hopefully boost Ren's skills for his as yet unscheduled next fight. Pyrrha expected him to be judgemental, being as friendly with Ruby and Yang as he was.

By now just about everyone at the gym was aware of what had happened between Pyrrha and Ruby and the whispers were cruel. Pyrrha knew she deserved it. Just as the others said she had left Ruby in her time of need. Though Pyrrha was still paying for the apartment and Penny's services, she had effectively abandoned Ruby. Pyrrha still believed she had done the right thing for the right reasons, even if it seemed wrong to the others. To her surprise Ren did not say a word about it. There was something in his eyes though, a mixture of guilt and disappointment. That hurt almost as much as the rumors.

Ruby took the unfinished portrait of Pyrrha off the stand. She did her best to not look at it. She walked it over to the corner and placed it face-down. She could not bear to destroy it though she was tempted. If she did that it would be like giving up on Pyrrha ever changing her mind. Ruby was close to that point but not quite there. She set up a new canvas and sat on her stool. Penny had suggested she paint how she was feeling. That was easier said than done. Ruby did not want to just paint a super-sad scene, as that would only reinforce her pain.

Ruby decided to paint one of her hallucinations. It had been terrifying, and she was feeling pretty scared now. The shadow monsters she had seen while Yang was taking care of her...that was a good start. She started by painting a vibrant background. It was not meant to depict any scene in particular. The hallucination had taken place during a happier time and the background was a reflection of that. She found that painting something interpretive rather than representative of reality was easier and faster, almost automatic as inspiration overtook her conscious actions. Almost before she knew it the canvas was covered in bright blues, yellows and reds.

Ruby noticed some movement behind the canvas. The face-down portrait of Pyrrha was shaking. How? Ruby got up and took a few steps toward it. It shook more violently before melting into a puddle. Ruby stood stunned. The liquid started piling up on itself, as if it were growing, rising above the floor. Ruby staggered back as the goo took humanoid form. Its features began to resolve and it took on a more solid consistency. It was...Pyrrha?

"Hi Ruby." Pyrrha said.

"Pyrrha...you're back!" Ruby gasped.

"Not for long." Pyrrha hissed. "There were just a few thing I wanted to get off my chest."

"What?" Ruby said.

"You're so selfish and needy!" Pyrrha shouted. "You took all my time and money. And for what? Nothing in return. I never loved you, you know. I just felt sorry for you."

"Pyrrha I…" Ruby wept.

"Shut up you disgusting worm." Pyrrha hissed. "You're ugly, pathetic and stupid. Your art is terrible. We only say it's good to not hurt your feelings."

"Stop." Ruby sobbed.

"Now that you're broken what good are you?" Pyrrha said. "You're a burden on everyone. I wish I'd never met you."

"Penny, help!" Ruby called out. She backed away from Pyrrha. The door swung open. "Penny…" But it was not Penny. A towering shadow-figure stood in the doorway and started approaching Ruby. It snarled and growled as it reached out towards her. Ruby backed up, backing herself into a corner as Pyrrha and the shadow closed in. She covered her face with her arms, dropped to the floor, and curled up in the fetal position, crying.

The growling continued and Ruby felt a hand on her shoulder. She expected to be ripped to shreds at any moment. But she was not. The growling gradually softened until it sounded human. "Ruby…" She was sure she heard her name. "Ruby stay calm." She definitely did, even if it was distorted. Ruby moved her arms and forced her eyes open. Everything was normal. Pyrrha was gone. The shadow was gone. Penny was crouched beside her, rubbing her shoulder. "Ruby, are you okay?" Penny asked.

Ruby looked around. The unfinished portrait was back where she had put it, face down on the floor and not at all a puddle. "I...I saw things." Ruby stammered. "Terrible things."

"Everything's okay." Penny assured her. "You're safe. Now let's get you to bed for some rest." Penny helped Ruby to her feet and walked her to bed. "I'll be right back." Penny left the bedroom, returning a few minutes later with a tray carrying a bowl of soup. "I made you some chicken noodle soup. It always makes me feel better." She placed the tray across Ruby's lap.

"Tha...Thank you." Ruby said, still in shock.

"So, will you tell me about what you saw?" Penny asked.

"I saw Pyrrha." Ruby replied. "She...she said such horrible things to me." Ruby started sobbing all over again. "About how she never loved me, how terrible I am at everything…"

"But it's not true." Penny cut her off. "She does love you."

"Then why did she leave?" Ruby cried.

"I can't say for sure." Penny admitted. "But I think she was scared. She didn't want to risk hurting you more than she already has."

"But leaving me hurts most of all." Ruby wept.

"I know." Penny said. "She'll realize that in time. Did you see anything else?"

"The door opened and a monster came in." Ruby said.

"I guess that was me." Penny said. "I'm sorry I scared you."

"No, it's alright." Ruby sighed. "This is my fault."

"Ruby, it's no one's fault." Penny said. "You were injured, and that wasn't your fault. Now you just have to do the best you can. If you try, really try, you can get through it. I know you can."

"Thanks Penny but…" Ruby started. "Never mind. Thanks for the soup."

After spending the morning and early afternoon sparring with Ren, Pyrrha was called over by Coach. He had spotted a few minor weaknesses in her game and wanted to address them himself. "Your ground game wasn't as snappy as usual." Coach said. "Your submissions were a little off too."

"Let's work on that then." Pyrrha said. "Is there anything in particular you think I need to improve?"

"Let's roll and see how it goes." Coach said. "Start on your back, full guard." Pyrrha dropped to the mat, laying on her back. Coach knelt down between her legs and Pyrrha wrapped him up, pulling his head down to her stomach. "Go!"

Coach tried to push Pyrrha's legs away to advance his position but Pyrrha was too strong. He tried to force it, but Pyrrha went with the momentum and threw him to the side. They scrambled and she ended up on top. Coach tried to grab behind her knee to throw her off, but she caught his arm with her hands and immediately had him in an armbar. She fell back, threw her legs across his chest and pulled. Snap!

"Well, it seems you've broken my arm." Coach said without a hint of pain in his voice. "I guess you were snappy after all."

Pyrrha immediately released him and stood. Coach lie there on the mat, his arm twisted at an unnatural angle. "I'm so sorry." Pyrrha gasped.

"That's alright." Coach said as he sat up. "I guess these old bones aren't as strong as they used to be! I'll have Doc set this and it'll be fine in no time."

"Are you sure?" Pyrrha asked.

"I'll be fine!" Coach assured her. "I know I asked you to show your full talent, but in training you should try to take it down a notch on the power. At least give your opponent the chance to tap."

"I didn't realize...I'm sorry." Pyrrha said. "I...I think I should call it a day."

"That's probably a good idea." Coach agreed. "I know you're going through some stuff, but the ring isn't the place to work it out. Take some time and get your head on straight."

Ruby woke up in the morning still shaken by the previous day's hallucination. She had talked to Yang again, but she was in even worse shape than the first time. Ruby realized Yang's problems stemmed from her guilt over Ruby's condition. After another series of phone calls and texts, Pyrrha had once again not responded. It was clear that she never would. She was gone forever. Penny was nice, but she was not Pyrrha, and there would never be a replacement to satisfy Ruby. Yang and Pyrrha, once good friends, probably hated one another now. Ruby had torn their worlds apart.

Penny made breakfast again. Ruby quietly sat and ate. There were no tears and no hysterics. "Are you feeling better today?" Penny asked as Ruby finished up.

"A little." Ruby replied. "I'm a little low on tissues though."

"Oh, I'll just have to run down to my car." Penny said. "You've gone through 7 boxes you know."

"Wow...well, thanks for having them for me." Ruby said.

"Not a problem." Penny said with a smile. "I'll go right down and grab a few more boxes."

Ruby collected the things she needed while Penny was getting the tissues. "I'm going to paint for a while." Ruby said when Penny returned. She took a box and headed into her studio, locking the door behind her. She did not want to be disturbed. First she took out a pen and paper and started writing. It was a bit difficult, as without a table all she could do was lay on the floor to do it. It was hard to find the words but she mostly apologized, to Yang and Pyrrha in particular, for screwing up everyone's lives.

Penny knocked on the door. "Ruby, I was doing the dishes and I noticed one of the knives was missing." Penny said. "Do you know where it is?"

Damn, Penny's neurosis was going to ruin everything. "Oh, no." Ruby lied. "I must have misplaced it."

"Okay, I'll look around." Penny said.

Ruby could hear Penny's footsteps get farther away. It was only a matter of time before she figured it out. Ruby wanted to say goodbye but Yang was too far gone and Pyrrha would not return her calls. There was the portrait though. That was as close as she was going to get. Ruby lifted the painting off the floor and held it before her. "I'm sorry Pyrrha." She wept. "I'm so sorry. But I miss you so much and I can't go on without you." She kissed the portrait and put it face down on the floor.

Ruby sat down against the wall and pulled the knife out of her pocket. It was the sharpest, meanest looking knife she had. In her head it was so simple, but now the act was proving far more difficult. With her hand shaking, Ruby held the blade to her wrist as tears streamed down her face. Yang was going to blame herself. Pyrrha too. Even Penny. All her friends. They would all blame themselves. It was a terribly selfish thing to do and Ruby knew it, but what else was there? Pyrrha was gone, Yang was a wreck. There was no hope, no light at the end of the tunnel.

There was another knock at the door. "Can I come in?" Penny asked. Ruby said nothing. She tried the knob. The door was locked. Ruby did not typically lock the door. "Ruby! Open the door!" Again no reply. "I'm coming in!" Penny took a step back, took a deep breath, and lunged forward foot-first. The door frame separated from the wall and the door swung open. "Ruby stop! Oh…"

Ruby lie on the floor crying, the knife several feet away from her, just the smallest of cuts on her arm. "Penny…" Ruby sobbed. "Help me!"