[Note: I have responded to the comments below with a new post, which can be found here. Also a reminder that I do not, and never have, spoken for the Org.]

I am as shocked as anyone that rich people came to Burning Man and behaved like rich people.

There’s only one explanation: it’s a conspiracy, and it goes all the way to the top! Yes! The only way people with money could have possibly used that money to try and game the system is if Burning Man was directly involved! In on it! We all know it, but you don’t the half of it!

Here are the 5 biggest, most shocking, examples, of plug-and-play malfeasance – and the Burning Man organization’s complicity in it!

A group of prominent venture capitalists paid Larry Harvey $6 million to write them an extra-fun 11th principle that no-one else has.

What is it? I don’t know! You don’t know! But it’s got to be amazing, and we’re not living by it! Only they are!

The compound prepared for the Walton family, which owns Wall-Mart, actually paid its greeters

They brought out a bunch of senior citizens to tell everyone on the playa to have-a-nice-day! They even hugged people! And then were paid minimum wage!

Haliburton’s massive camp art project was really a derrick testing for oil under Black Rock City.

Sure it shot out flames, had a DJ, and Friday night’s Gushing Oil Party was awesome, but that’s not the point!

Billionaire Amazon.com owner Jeff Bezos’ theme camp never even came out in physical form, and instead was available only on Kindle.

Anyone who went is now under the terms and conditions of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act! On the plus side, there was no MOOP.

Warren Buffett slipped Burning Man CEO Marian Goodell $10 million to move Burning Man to Omaha, and fix it so nobody noticed.

That giant sculpture with the funky lights that everybody loved? That was really the Nebraska statehouse. We were so used!

And there’s MORE:

Goldman Sachs’ theme camp drove 6 of the 10 principles into bankruptcy!

Google CEO Larry Page’s theme camp was fully automated enough that it could have fun without him!

Billionaire Larry Ellison’s theme camp “strategically acquired” six other neighboring theme camps!

General Motors’ theme camp, the City of Detroit, still isn’t working well enough to make the trip out!

A theme camp hosting the top executives of the world’s biggest pornography consortium was apparently on the playa this year, but didn’t stand out enough for anyone to find it!

Billionaire Stefan Persson paid Burning Man $3 million to pretend they were outraged by his camp, so that he wouldn’t be embarrassed in front of the other billionaires!

A camp of tech millionaires snuck people into Burning Man, paid for drugs, left trash lying around for other people to pick up, and lots of other shit that poorer Burners have been doing for years!

We can’t let them get away with this! Obviously we need to fix global income equality! Or bitch about how Burning Man’s run! Whichever is easier for us to do on the internet!