THIS RECAP WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE HANDSOME WRITERS OF THE CRAWFISH BOXES AND BY OUR LOYAL AND EQUALLY-ATTRACTIVE ARMY OF READERS.



Dear Readers of the Crawfish Boxes,

You think I was amusing in my last recap? You think I was clever? Entertaining? Insane? Well, that recap pales in comparison to the one I wrote today. Today's is the most mind-blowing thing you will experience in your lives. It's that awesome. Or rather, it would have been, if my browser hadn't deleted my entire post before I could publish it. So you're stuck with this unfunny boring dreck. Consider this article to be my own personal Jar-Jar Binks and try not to judge harshly.

Sincerely, CRPerry13

P.S. I way lying about the awesomeness of the deleted post. You really didn't miss much.

RECAP:

This was the best game of the year, says TCB commenter nobody23. And nobody is right.

Offense:

The offense was terrible. The Astros managed only 5 measly hits in eight innings, and the only extra-base hit was the 2-run Home Run by Justin Maxwell in the 1st. The offense was awesome, as they managed four hits off of Reds closer Aroldis Chapman in the top of the 9th, including a monster three-run bomb by Matt Dominguez to put the Astros ahead 5-3!! The last time Chapman gave up more than two hits in an appearance this season was NEVER! The last home run he allowed was June 24. The last save he blew was also June 24. Chapman has never, not once, given up four hits in one outing in his major-league career. Aroldis Chapman is the best relief pitcher in baseball. And nobody has touched him like the Astros did tonight. Therefore, the Astros are the best offensive team in baseball. The proof is conclusive.

Justin Maxwell is sure exciting. His low batting average just does not tell the whole story, and he hits bombs like have not been seen in Houston in a long time. In less than 300 Plate Appearances, he is now tied for the lead in Home Runs. Rhetorical question: How not exciting would the Astros' offense be without Maxwell?

Sad moment: Jose Altuve left in the third inning with a strained abdominal. He also was reportedly furious after hitting into a 1-3 ground out that inning and was throwing things around the dugout. Silver lining: His replacement was Dominguez. Baseball works in mysterious ways.

Defense:

The play of the night was from a Reds player. Chris Heisey robbed Astros' starting pitcher Lucas Harrell of a single in the 5th on a diving-backhand-faceplant catch. The Astros' defense was OK, but not good. They were a little sloppy but o errors recorded. They did have three double plays.

Astros' best play came on an odd 1-2-5 double play with the bases loaded in the .... 5th or 6th (my notes were erased too). Harrell dove for a dribbler and wisely threw out Joey Votto at home. Chris Snyder faked to first then nailed Ryan Ludwick as he over-ran third base.

Finally, two Astros landed on their butts in this game, which is a few less than usual. Brandon Phillips ran into Brett Wallace at first base (well, tripped into him actually) and they both went down in a gentle cloud. It wasn't intentional. In the 9th, Astros closer Wilton Lopez ran down yet another dribbler but slipped and landed on his backside also. I can only hear the clubhouse attendant: "Wilton...you got grass stains on the back of your jersey...how?"

Pitching:

The pitching was OK-not-great. Harrell only gave up three earned runs, but he loaded the base in the first inning for the fourth time this season, and that resulted in two of them. He struck out five in six innings but uncharacteristically walked four.

I got to see Mickey Storey pitch for the first time tonight, and I liked it. He's got a funky delivery that leaves him literally falling off the mound to the left in a "how does he not break his ankles?" fashion, but as long as it keeps delivering that hammer curve that fades slightly away from the batter, I won't complain.

Hector Ambriz earned his first major league win tonight, with his 2/3 of an inning pitched, and Lopez did his usual thing in the 9th.