I’m not a heavy user of social media. I check Facebook a couple of times a day and occasionally post something, and I’ll accept when someone I know wants me to join their LinkedIn group, or network, or whatever the hell it’s called.

For the most part, though, I think social media is a waste of time and, frankly, I have better things to waste my time on.

You’re reading one of them right now.

That’s why I thought the story of Edythe Kirchmaierit was kind of interesting. Edythe is 107 years old. She was born so long ago they still used the Olde English spelling of Edith. Edythe has recently attained notoriety by being the world’s oldest registered Facebook user.

Personally, I don’t think a 107-year-old should be wasting time on anything, but there you go. Evidently, Edythe “regularly connects with fans through her Facebook page — which has 55,765 followers to date –emails messages to friends and enjoys using her iPad to create digital photo collages.”

I’m going to ignore the fact that Edythe has about 55,700 more followers than I do, or that, unlike me, she knows how to create photo collages. I’m just wondering why all those tens of thousands of people apparently have nothing better to do than follow Edythe. I mean, how exciting can a 107-year-old woman’s life be? I’m only 60, and my life isn’t even that exciting.

But maybe that’s a bad example.

Anyway, I’m really writing today to tell you about someone else who is more adept at social media than I am. His name is Riley, and he is only about two months old. Yes, that’s right: a two-month-old is better at social media than I am. And there’s one other thing you should know about Riley:

He’s a Shetland sheepdog.

He weighs four pounds and just about reaches my ankle. He cannot bark convincingly (he’s indistinguishable from one of his squeaky toys), and he sometimes tumbles onto his back when he tries to pounce on something. In other words, he’s not even good at being a dog yet. But, unlike me, he has managed to register for his own Instagram account (@rileypupgram).

I should point out that, while Shetland sheepdogs (or shelties) are one of the smartest breeds of dog, Riley did not set up his Instagram account on his own. That’s because even his tiny puppy paws are too big to press one key at a time. So he had my daughter Casey set up the account for him.

When confronted with something like “@rileypupgram,” or anything with a pound sign (which I understand is now called a hash tag), I have no idea what to do with it. So I don’t know what is on Riley’s Instagram page, or board, or whatever the hell it’s called. I also don’t know if his online activities are limited to Instagram. For all I know, he’s also picking out toys and posting them on Pinterest. In fact, maybe he also has a Twitter account to keep everyone up-to-date on his life. (“I peed on paper. I’m a good boy!”)

I don’t know if Riley’s Instagram account has any fans, or followers, or whatever the hell they’re called. If he does, I don’t know how many there are, so I can’t tell you if he has surpassed 107-year-old Edythe Kirchmaierit. I do know that if I post a single picture of Riley on Facebook, it gets more “Likes” than one of my typical posts on this blog. Actually, it gets more “Likes” than all of my typical posts on this blog. Combined.

This either says a lot about how much people enjoy puppy pictures, or how little people enjoy this blog.

I’m going to go with the former.

Meanwhile, Riley has only been with us a couple of days, but he seems to have already learned to pose whenever Casey picks up her iPhone. Sometimes he even sticks his butt in the air like he’s one of the Kardashians, only with a much smaller butt. Then he bounds off after a ball.

Casey has taken a lot of pictures of Riley…certainly more photos than we took of her when she was a baby. Of course, back then, you couldn’t take snapshots with any object you happened to be holding in your hand, including, possibly, the TV remote.

And back then, you couldn’t immediately show the photos to the entire world so that strangers in Honduras could go “Awww” in Spanish. With a smiley emoticon.

As I said, I don’t know if Riley’s adventures in social media extend beyond Instagram. It’s possible, I suppose, that both Riley and Edythe Kirchmaierit are also registered on dating sites. If they are, I can offer some advice to any young female shelties or old male humans who might be interested. It’s the same advice, but for very different reasons.

Act fast.

See you soon.