Put Professional Wrestlers on Our Money Now!

by: Cory Davenport

recipient: The United States Treasury

Right now, our money honors slave owners, women haters, genocidal megalomaniacs, and that ugly dude, Benjamin Franklin. It is about time that our money matched our spirit. The rebellious, resilient, and restless spirit of the real America has been personified best through professional wrestling.

When one thinks of America, does one think of their friends and neighbors chasing people off their land toward a trail of unrelenting tears and death or do they think of sunglasses, bright outfits, and trash talking for the fun of it?

Exactly.

Macho Man Randy Savage would be a much better fit on the $20 than Andrew Jackson.

Here is my proposal:

$1-Hulk Hogan

$2-Mankind

$5-Vince McMahon

$10-The Rock

$20-Macho Man Randy Savage

$50-Stone Cold Steve Austin

$100-Undertaker or Andre the Giant.



We can debate the schematics later and put an entirely new group on the coins (Iron Sheik on the dime perhaps), but for now, we should agree that our money needs a change that reflects the American people and not the oligarchs that enslaved us.