And I say the ark was painted blue, heretic.

And I say the ark was painted blue, heretic.

All the Republican candidates running for Texas lieutenant governor agree: Creationism needs to be taught in schools. At a statewide televised debate Monday, the four Republican candidates said they would like to see the religious theory taught in the classroom, according to videos of the event.

State Sen. Dan Patrick and Agriculture Commissioner Todd Staples indicated they think the absence of creationism in schools is an affront to Christianity. “I don’t think we have to live in a state where we need to apologize for being a Christian. ... [Creationism] is something that most Texans believe in, and our children need to be exposed to this,” Staples said.

I see modern America continues to make great strides in the field of not believing in things. That people can get elected to high office still believing that certain segments of science Do Not Exist is something we really need to address. You shouldn't have to be a genius, heaven knows, but it would be nice if we could count on our elected leaders to, say, remain calm during the appearance of the next comet and not immediately accuse one of their constituents of sky-destroying witchcraft. I hear there is some debate over the precise dimensions of Noah's Ark—perhaps the Texas of 20 years from now will be embroiled in a new controversy when some teacher is discovered to have taught the good Texas children the wrong version, thus shattering the poor children's religious roots and sending them down the path to sin and rampant drug abuse.Well, if most Texans believe it, clearly the realities of the universe must bend to accommodate them. I suspect most Texas children of a certain age believe Pokemon are real—perhaps we should change the biology curriculum to reflect that, as well.

The reason I have so little patience for these people, at this point: There are many, many Christians who do not believe in creationism, at least not the ultra-literal interpretation favored by the more talibanesque elements of the base, who consider the teaching of supernatural explanations for scientific phenomenon to be an "affront" to them and their children. Not even those people are allowed to be heard, much less any of the Americans who subscribe to—shudder—something else. Once again, a set of dull-minded fundamentalists insists that their version of Christianity can be the only true one, and that all of America should naturally bow down before it, and that anyone with religious beliefs that differ in even the slightest fraction to their own should be driven from the public square so that their religion, their scientific ignorances, their moral decisions can be erected over the top of the nation like a gallows and noose.