Confession: I’m a baker because cookies make me friends. I’m a baker because cakes help me out of a jam from time to time. I’m a baker because brownies attract quality men.

Let’s talk about boys and baking. Boys like cookies and pies and coffee cake with lots of crumb topping. I know. I’ve done the research.

Here’s how to impress a boy with baking.

Note: If your particular boy doesn’t like baked goods… I’m afraid I don’t understand. He’s weird. I’d question his motives.

If you happen to be interested in girls… well… that’s a whole other blog post… one that possibly includes more chocolate and how to hide a giant engagement ring in her favorite cupcake.

Boys. Baking.

You know how boys… the good ones, at least… bring flowers to a first date? I think girls should bring brownies. Easy chocolate brownies with walnuts. Wrap them in wax paper and put them in a simple box. The next day when they’re trying to play it cool and not call you back? They’ll have a brownie and pick up the phone. Guarantee.

Good boys have good friends. Don’t forget them. How about a ‘nice to meet you, friend of the boy I like’ offering? Yes. Lemon Cloud Cookies. Do this.

What happens if you wake up with a boy in your bed?

Mom, I’ve never woken up with a boy in my bed. Never. Not even once. But if I had… well. Nevermind.

If you wake up with a boy in your bed you have several options. Pay close attention.

If you like the boy next to you, hop out of bed, make some coffee, whip up some pancake batter and leave it to rest on the counter. Hop back in bed, wake up cute boy then return to the kitchen to fry pancakes. The smell of coffee and cooking dough will eventually lure him out of bed. He’ll sit at the table. You’ll sit at the table. He’ll wonder how he got so dang lucky. You’ll wonder how you got so dang lucky. If he offers to help you do the dishes… marry him, immediately.

Now… if you do not like the boy in your bed… make. nothing. And never repeat those circumstances again. The whole pretending to be asleep until he finally leaves thing… awkward.

Good boys have good moms. Good moms have hawk eyes. They notice everything. This Apple Crisp will buy you a bit of leniency. Maybe you dropped the s-bomb at the dinner table. Oops. Maybe she got a peek of one of your tattoos and thinks you’re some sort of wild hippie.

This Apple Crisp should mend all that. It’s the crumble topping. It heals all things. Even if you are a wild, foul-mouthed hippie… you’re a wild foul-mouthed hippie who can cook. Moms like girls who can cook. Be a girl who can cook.

Boys like bacon.

Boys like pink things if they taste good.

Boys like when you pull out all the stops and doll yourself up for a date. Boys like when you pull out all the stops and make fancy cakes with expensive nuts.

But really… I think that boys like it best when you just throw on some tight jeans and a cute t-shirt. No makeup. I’m also pretty sure that boys are happiest with a simple meal that involves steak, barbecue sauce, and warm chocolate chip cookies.

Now… it’s not that we need to impress boys. Oh heck no. It’s just that sometimes… we want to, and that’s not a crime.

And that’s my two cents… put that in your brain hole to marinate.