MPs Wrongfooted by Explosion in Dodgy “Neutral Advisory Bodies”

MPs were this week cruelly tricked into raising their own pay, coinciding with a worrying rise in backstreet political advice.

IPSA, thought to be set up by the government, was today discovered to actually be run by unemployed graffiti artist and all-round suspicious character “Geoff”.

MPs said, “This is a terrible mistake on our part and we strongly condemn Geoff. However, refusing the pay increase would be total hypocrisy. This is our mistake and we have to live with it. Hopefully the extra 10% pay rise will help with the shame.”

Geoff, commenting while playing with some white powder and a credit card, said, “Most of my time is spent getting eccied in my front room and walking my Staffordshire bull terrier, Fluffy. But recently I’ve developed a sideline in making recommendations on national political issues to top-level establishment figures.

“I can do you a 20 bag for 100 quid, or an inquiry report for 500. It’s your choice, man.”

Fellow victims include IT analyst Greg Farley, who hired an independent commission to recommend that he get his own pay rise.

“I knew I should be earning more money, so I decided to get a professional. But when my boss noticed that large sections of the report were exactly copied from the IPSA report from MPs, he told me to fuck off.”

“But I’m pretty sure my report was published long before the MPs one. Weird huh?”

Greg’s boss added, “Greg said he needed to be paid more so that he wouldn’t move abroad, and that it was only fair considering he wasn’t allowed to lie on his expenses any more.”

“That kind of shit might wash when you’re an MP, but Greg is a only a mid-level white-collar worker with 20 years experience and a PhD.”

“Besides, my own neutral advisory body is just about to recommend that Greg’s pay be cut in order to balance out my Christmas bonus.

“I’m told the economics is completely sound.”