This month’s deluge of Game Of Thrones bottlings have reportedly caused a number of injuries to online auction users desperately attempting to scroll past them to find proper whiskies.

Thanks to a large swathe of clinically insane bottle flippers attempting to unload at least half of the entire bottling outturns onto the secondary market in an effort to turn a profit of approximately 50p, this month’s auctions are at least 35% more silly than usual.

Jan Birch, a whisky coveter from Drumnadrochit said while attending physiotherapy:

“At first I thought, ‘gosh there’s a lot of them’. But then I just kept on scrolling and scrolling and scrolling and there was just more and more and more. And that was just the full sets. I always organise the lots alphabetically so I can rustle up a good stiffy by the time the Speyburns come around, but every time one of the Game Of Thrones distilleries came up I had to spend at least five minutes speed scanning to get past them. What a buzzkill! Now BOTH my wrists have repetitive strain injuries, and I can’t afford to wrap each of them in chilled Salmon!”

Director of Whisky Auctioneer, Iain McSorryihaven’taclune, said:

“I love this new Game Of Thrones series so much that if I had time I would probably actually watch the TV series, or at the very least a trailer for it. I’d like to announce that for next month we’ll be doing a special offer of a free limited edition branded Game Of Thrones Glencairn for anyone who enters more Game Of Thrones bottles into our auction. We’re also doing free reserves with a special prize for whoever sets the highest reserve. Gosh its all so exciting isn’t it!”

Other medical conditions reported as a result of the Game Of Thrones bottlings at auction include:

The vice like grip of existential dread

Profound ennui

Moral entropy

Brexit

Re-watching the extended editions of Lord Of The Rings

Strange bum spots

‘Vietnam war eyes’

Rapid fingernail growth

Testicular sighing

The unbearable lightness of being

Gathering your friends and relations in a room with a single wardrobe and insisting that the gateway to Narnia was open half an hour earlier when you were last there.

Armpit menstrual cramps

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