From when I was young the FA Cup final has always been the key date in the diary for women’s football. When I won it for the first time in 2005, in front of 8,500 people at Upton Park, it was long established as the marquee day for the women’s game, and it’s just kept growing since then. When Manchester City play West Ham at teatime on Saturday they are expecting a crowd in excess of 50,000.

It’s a very special occasion, and playing in it has always been a huge privilege, but dealing with that kind of crowd at Wembley is a whole other ball game. Walking up those stairs to pick up your winner’s medal is a dream come true, but standing on the pitch watching your opponents live that dream is one of the worst experiences you will have in your career.

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I was just 18 when I played my first final, against Everton. It was my first taste of success, my first medal. I wasn’t nervous at all that day, just excited to get out there and play – actually the older I got the more nervous I seemed to become on FA Cup final day. We were favourites, and going into the game we felt like we had a huge chance because we weren’t playing Arsenal, who were very dominant in that period. I scored the only goal of the game: Emma Coss played the ball over the top of the defence, it bounced kindly, the keeper stayed on her line and I just slotted it in. I remember thinking: “Wow I’ve just scored in an FA Cup final. This isn’t real.” That is a day I’ll never forget.

The next final I played felt very different. I was at Birmingham, and coming to the end of what was a bad year for me, so bad that I was considering quitting football. I came off the bench but didn’t take a penalty when it went to a shootout. We beat Chelsea and I got another winner’s medal, and obviously it was amazing for my hometown club to win the FA Cup, but I don’t have many happy memories of that time in my career.

Then in 2015 I won again, with Chelsea, in what remains one of my greatest achievements. The year before we’d lost the league on the last day of the season and we’d received a lot of criticism. People said we were a nearly team, a good side that couldn’t get over the line when it mattered most. That hurt me, because I knew the ability we had in the team, and that we had a lot of character. I was so nervous in the buildup to the game, so stressed I played with one bloodshot eye, but that stress pushed me and I was named player of the match. I don’t remember enjoying a single minute of it until it was over and we were celebrating our first major trophy.

I was so nervous in the buildup to the game, so stressed I played with one bloodshot eye, but that stress pushed me,

Then the following year we got to the final again. I didn’t start the game, which I found hard to understand given my performance the previous season. Still, you’ve got to have your head on it and be ready to have an impact off the bench if you’re called upon. When I came on we were 1-0 down, and though I created a good chance it didn’t come to anything. That’s how the game ended, and watching Arsenal walk up those steps was really difficult.

I was on the bench again for last year’s final, but I was fine with my role because the team were performing incredibly. We were playing Arsenal again, so there was an element of redeeming ourselves. Fran Kirby scored a great goal, Ramona Bachmann got two, and I could just admire them. So I’ve played in five FA Cup finals and won four, and I feel incredibly lucky to have had those experiences.

One thing I’ve learned is that the way you approach the game is incredibly important. You’ve got to enjoy the occasion, but you have to do that in the right moments. On the day of the game, feeling overwhelmed isn’t going to help you perform. When I played for Chelsea our manager, Emma Hayes, prepared the team very well for our finals: we visited Wembley a few days before the game, soaked in the atmosphere, took our pictures, dealt with our emotions, so on the day of the final we could just concentrate on the match. In 2015 I remember watching the Notts County players come on to the pitch before the game and they were all taking pictures and selfies, paying attention to the occasion and not the match. In women’s football, where you’re not used to playing in front of big crowds week in and week out, that mindset can be the difference between winning and losing.

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The top teams, like Manchester City, will be more prepared to deal with the crowd because their players will have experienced it at an international level. West Ham will need to approach the game the right way to make sure they’re not overwhelmed. They do have some players, such as my former teammates Gilly Flaherty, Claire Rafferty and Becky Spencer, who have played and won at Wembley. They can influence the dressing room and make sure their teammates are ready to compete.

Tactically I think they have to set up very defensively, try to curb City, grow into the game, play on the counterattack and take advantage of set pieces. City are a possession team, who want to dominate the ball and control the game. On a big pitch at Wembley it could be a long 90 minutes for West Ham if they chase shadows and don’t find a way to disrupt City’s rhythm. City are massive favourites, but nobody would have expected West Ham to get to the final in their first season. In a competition famous for them, could they spring one more great surprise? They are 90 minutes away from what could be the greatest moment of the club’s history. Whatever happens, I hope both sets of players find a way to enjoy the game and the occasion, as when it comes to FA Cup finals nothing is ever guaranteed.