The rozzer can’t stand the thought of a child being disciplined. Anyone admitting on Roz to smacking grounding, telling off or in any way asserting some control over their offspring is literally Hitler. Or Toanee AbBoTt.

You see positive parenting aka being a softcock doormat is the way to go. Child ramming old ladies with a shopping trolley? Empathise with them while old Doris loses all ankle skin. (She’s only a boomer) Child swearing at their teacher? Calmly talk to them, then march up to the school and get upset with the teacher for rousing on them. Child screaming through a movie? Let them go, children are people too. Child torturing the neighbours cat? Rationalise it away!

The traditional child/parent dynamic is just too mean, and it is much better to be their friend and equal. Despite not having a fully formed brain, the rozzer’s child is capable of processing the world as an adult, and respecting their parents authority just because.

In 15 years time the next generation of rozzers will complain about their mean bosses, the mean police, and the biggest meanies of all, Centrelink. Coz after all, mummy and daddy were never mean to me.