Yes, I quit my teaching job at the School of Friendship. The consummate lack of professionalism was simply too much for this mare to endure, and as I am a pony of nigh-insurmountable endurance, this should be seen as no small matter.

However, it seemed for a bit that the old adage “When Princess Celestia closes a door, sometimes she will subsequently sneak into your home and open a window” might be a true one! I was almost immediately offered a position at a brand-new, fully-accredited Friendship University in Las Pegasus. Obviously, I detest Las Pegasus–even the name sits poorly with me for some reason–but this seemed a wonderful opportunity to inculcate professionalism in this otherwise-dismal town!

Sadly, there were many difficulties inherent in dwelling in a media-forward town. Whenever I would view an up-and-coming film at one of the many fine cinemas in Las Pegasus, I would subsequently engage in one of my favorite post-film pastimes: speaking in a loud voice in public places about all the secret plot twists and such. Since I have no regular coffee dates, I would frequently do this while sitting alone in a crowded restaurant.

Imagine my surprise when I was told that these films were “leaked early” to the Las Pegasus market, and that my loud, rambling monologues about them were considered “spoilers.” I have no pity for those who simply do not muster up the gumption to see the latest film, but what if their local cinema simply would not play the media in question for weeks or even months? I certainly would not expect ponies to come to Las Pegasus for this–as noted, it is a terrible city and I hate it.

So, I was shamed into silence. Every time I tried to communicate about a new bit of entertainment, I was forced to either (a) “spoil” things for half the country while remaining relevant for the other half, or (b) appease the spoiler-averse and, in doing so, appear vastly behind the times to my big-city contemporaries.

Also the school I was teaching at got shut down over plagiarism-related concerns. So perhaps they were not so professional as they seemed at first blush.

So, here I sit in my luxurious suite at the Adagio, hammering away to you ponies, and this brings us literally to the present moment. The summer film season has drawn to a close, and no one seems to care as much about spoilers at this point, so I feel a bit more unfettered in my words. It is the eve of a new year, and while this remains an entirely arbitrary demarcation point, I hope that all of you succeed in being better ponies, starting tomorrow.

For my sake, at least.

