For five seasons, I walked the strange line of being both a fan of "Grey’s Anatomy" and someone on the show’s payroll. As a PA and then researcher in the writers’ office, I had a front row seat to the storylines I used to watch unfold every week on my TV. I was there for Cristina’s exit, the Calzona split, Derek’s death, and almost the entire rise and fall of Japril — moments that would have had me screaming on my couch, had I not seen them coming.



I didn’t know what was going to happen to their characters.

In March, it was announced that Sarah Drew, who plays Dr. April Kepner, and Jessica Capshaw, who plays Dr. Arizona Robbins, would be leaving "Grey’s" at the end of this season. And for the first time in years, I didn’t know what was going to happen to their characters. I got to watch everything unfold just like the fan I was before I worked there, a fan very fortunate to have once been a blip in Sarah and Jessica’s orbits, and a fan who got to see herself reflected in April and Arizona both.

Arizona Robbins first arrived on our screens in the middle of season 5. Episodes later, she was pulling Callie into the bathroom at Joe’s Bar, launching one of the most iconic and groundbreaking queer couples in television history, Calzona. Here they were, two women in love, on one of the most popular shows on television — and, more than that, their relationship was complex and real and deeply human. Where Callie grappled with her bisexuality later in life, Arizona just always knew herself to be, in her own words, "super gay," "the gayest of the gays," and "lesbianic." And while Callie’s journey more closely mirrored my own, seeing someone as carefree and unbothered in her sexuality as Arizona gave me immense hope.

As someone coming to terms with my own sexuality, "Grey’s" was a "safe" show. Watching with my mom, I could mask my pull toward Callie and Arizona under the guise of an interest in the dozen other relationships and the surgery-of-the-week. A quick look at Twitter proves that Calzona was a similar beacon for a number of viewers, both young and old — in large part thanks to Jessica’s performance.

Every moment has been magic to watch.

In person, Jessica radiates energy and warmth — and Arizona’s contagious happiness is trademark Capshaw. The actor is wickedly funny and quick with a laugh. Yet somehow, she still managed to ground Arizona in such a way that you could believe she was a real doctor, and a good one at that.

Over the years, we’ve seen Arizona through a lot. She stood up to Callie’s homophobic father. She subdued the doctor previously known as "Evil Spawn," Alex Karev. She went to Africa to change the world. She survived a car crash. And a plane crash. She lost a leg. She cheated. She got divorced. She found unlikely friends in April Kepner and Richard Webber. She fought like hell for custody of her daughter. This season, she’s fighting like hell to save mothers across America. And thanks to Jessica, every moment has been magic to watch.

A season after we met Arizona Robbins, April Kepner entered the scene amidst the hospital merger at the newly named Seattle Grace-Mercy West. Her first episode was titled "Invasion," and from day one, she was marked as an intruder, an outsider. April never fully fit in — which is, in part, why I instantly identified with her. (As someone who was also a virgin in her late twenties, April Kepner made me feel a lot less alone.)

Viewers can see little pieces of themselves in every character.

Unlike most of the doctors on "Grey’s," April Kepner is a practicing Christian who is open and proud about her beliefs, much like Sarah Drew herself. But April is also an open-minded woman of medicine, guided by both science and faith. While my beliefs differ from April’s somewhat, I found her to be a particularly authentic and nuanced portrayal of a modern Christian. Where other shows might have written her character into a stereotype, April’s experience felt universal: Viewers of all faiths, from all over the world, have connected to the Christian farm girl turned surgeon from Ohio.

Sarah Drew (center) with the cast of "Grey’s Anatomy: B-Team" and the writer (right). Barbara Friend

I was fortunate enough to work alongside Sarah when she directed the most recent "Grey’s" web series, "Grey’s Anatomy: B-Team." We were under time constraints and tight budgets, forcing Sarah to work creatively and intelligently, and to think like a director, producer, and actor all at once. I was not surprised that Sarah effortlessly moved through these roles, given that I’ve seen her reinvent April Kepner many times over across multiple seasons. April’s been fired, faced down a hospital shooter, and failed her boards. She’s bounced back and become Chief Resident and thrown herself into trauma surgery. She left her fiancé at the altar for Jackson, and saw her world completely upended when their unborn son was diagnosed with a fatal disease. She was given the option of termination.

This last one was a story that Sarah herself brought to the writers, and it was Sarah who helped shape what a decision like that would mean for someone like April. With talent and tenderness, April became "April 2.0," an entirely new shade on the character she’d been playing for years. And in season 14, April was reinvented — again. For a large part of her final season, the character suffered a massive crisis of faith, which Sarah knocked completely out of the park, making April Kepner feel like 10,000 women in one, rather than a stretch or a cliché.

One of the many great things about "Grey’s Anatomy" has always been that viewers can see little pieces of themselves in every character. I feel very lucky that I saw a lot of myself, and the person I wanted to be, in Arizona and April. Sarah and Jessica have left a piece of themselves in the ever-evolving fabric of "Grey’s." And no matter what happens to them at the end of this season, April and Arizona’s stories will continue to matter and continue to change people — because their stories are forever.

Barbara Friend is a writer on "Station 19." She previously worked on "Grey's Anatomy" as an assistant, researcher, and writer of the web series, "Grey's Anatomy: B-Team," directed by Sarah Drew. Tweet her pictures of cats @babsamiga.

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