When I was a child, I loved to wear boys’ swim shorts and go swimming without a top on. I preferred to wear clothing from the boys’ section and I was considered a “tom-boy”. Now, we have replaced the word tom-boy with transgender.

The vast majority of stories I have heard about young transgender children have a fair amount of influence coming from the parents and adults around them. If their son wears dresses all the time and god forbid says he’s a girl on occasion, or that he doesn’t like his genitals, he’s labeled as transgender immediately or else the parent is deemed a trans-phobe. Some children literally think they’re cats. We cannot allow children to make vital choices over their bodies when they are not fully mature to do so. Yes, most doctors do not start giving hormones until adolescence, but the brain is absolutely not done developing at that point, or even when they reach 18. If they really want the surgery or hormones when they’re mature adults, it’s up to them, but as research shows, many of them will probably be realigned with their natural sex by then.

Toys, clothing, and behaviors are not gendered. Boys can play with dolls and girls can play with trucks. Who cares what gender section your children’s toys are coming from? Let your child choose what they want to play with. So why are we reinforcing gender stereotypes?

Society has progressed a lot, and some stores have even stopped having gendered toy sections. Why? Because your sex has nothing to do with how you act and what kind of things you like. Sex changes the way your body develops and what type of medical treatment you will get throughout your life. Therefore, telling your son who loves to play with dolls that he is now a girl because of this is sexist.

We keep reinforcing this stereotype that boys need to be masculine and strong. We are causing so much damage by forcing our children into these narrow boxes. Even if you tell your child that they’re gender non-binary and they should go by “they/them” pronouns, you’re still sexist. You’re telling them that the way they act and how they dress means that they are not a boy or girl. They are neither. You’re literally telling your child that they don’t belong anywhere.

You know where children belong? In safe and nurturing environments where they are encouraged to grow into an individualized person with many different interests and strengths. Children should not have to grapple with gender issues or be told that there is something wrong with them because they are not conforming to gender stereotypes.

You may ask, what about the children who try to cut off their genitalia or tell their parents that they’re in the wrong body? That’s a different story. Children with gender dysphoria need to see a mental health professional who can help them understand where it is coming from. Studies show that 63% of children with gender identity issues who go through their natural puberty do not have gender identity issues afterwards. So why are we prescribing hormone treatments and cutting off healthy body parts when over half of these kids will end up fine after puberty?

People often tell me that transgender children who do not receive gender affirmation become suicidal and deeply depressed. What about when they’re older and they beg their parents for sex reassignment surgery and are horrified by the result? Or the people who detransition but are silenced in order to hide the false narrative of gender surgery’s miraculous powers.

We are ruining children’s futures by telling them that they are transgender when they simply just don’t fit into the narrow gender stereotypes we still have. We are sterilizing these children. Not being able to become pregnant or to have children of your own one day can be devastating, no matter what reason is behind it. If the reason is that your parents encouraged you to get irreversible surgery or hormone treatment, you may resent them forever.

While hormone blockers are the one physical treatment that is the least harmful, not allowing the child to undergo their natural puberty prevents them from being able to realign with it afterwards, which as I said is the case for 63% of these children. In addition, if they remain on them for a while, they will not be able to relate and connect with others about the struggles of puberty, as I’m sure many of us have done.

So what should parents do? Let your child wear what they want, as long as it’s appropriate. We are just reinforcing toxic masculinity when we tell our sons that they are not boys because they like to play with dolls and wear dresses. The truth is that “living as a girl or living as a boy” is whatever that means to your child. Your son wants to wear a skirt and grow out his hair? Cool! Support your children instead of trying to make them conform to gender stereotypes through hormones and surgery. The more gender non-conforming children that go to school each day, the more we will be reducing gender stereotypes. Isn’t that what we all wanted anyway?