It was like heaven had taken the place of all the sin in the world... and Anna couldn't control it. She was called darling, honey… sweetheart that night, and those soft sweet words that were whispered in her ear were like drugs. That night, she had held her lover's fingers… she had kissed the woman's lips, her own body writhing and dancing along with their own slow breathing. No words needed to be said. No words… Anna would ever say to make herself feel better - so she drowned herself in someone else's delicate touch, her tender words. She drowned herself in the desperation that she realized her lover had as well. She drowned herself in the lust and want of someone beside her.

Bitter tears shed down their cheeks, but they shared their warmth. They shared kisses. They shared pleasure… to numb the pain. And, finally, when it all ended, they held each other in their arms, but it wasn't love that prompted them to do that, no. Again, it was desperation. And they were hanging on to each other… because her lover would not let her fall… because her lover would not let her do anything wrong… because her lover would not let her stoop so low as to share herself with someone else.

The cold morning dawned in the sky. The birds chirped, her window crackled as the wind beat against it. The clouds shadowed the gleam of the sun… and all Anna felt was the emitting warmth of her lover's arms snaking around her body around her back. She felt soft lips tracing shoulder… fingers running through her own hair.

"Wake up soon, sweetheart," those words whispered. The bed shifted as Meg got up, the door creaked as she had left the room… and in the background, she could hear the shower going through the closed bedroom door.

Anna didn't have the will to open her eyes. When she did, Meg was already out of her sight.

She gazed blankly at the trees, her body feeling tired… but it ached wonderfully - as well as being filled with disgust - from last night.

What was she even doing? Thinking?

Her mind was clouded with thoughts like a monster. Was this what she was turning into? What kind of person… would yearn to feel someone on her own body while thinking about someone else? She was broken, but she never realized how disgusting she would become.

Anna sighed, shutting her eyes. Tears slowly seeped out. She had done wrong, and when she most wanted to move on, she was only fooling herself.

An hour had passed until Anna finally sat up to the smell of bacon. She didn't go back to sleep. She just didn't have to courage to face her lover was all. She remembered it all - how Meg's tears kissed her skin, how those trembling hands searched for the love on Anna's skin, and, nonetheless… Anna desperately accepted her.

She gazed at the door, then at her own abused chest, marked with love. Perhaps, they shouldn't even be called love marks anymore. Her knees curled up against her chest, her fingers running through her own hair. Boldly, her free hand reached for her phone… and surprisingly, there wasn't a single text from Elsa. Or maybe she was waiting for me to reply to yesterday's message. How could I? How could I do this to her? To myself?

She turned her phone off. If she needed to change… if she needed to explain things, she would. She had to. Moping around now was not the answer, and Anna had grown exhausted from being in this very room. Slowly, she got out of bed, and it didn't matter if she was bare… she needed to see Meg. The door slowly creaked open, her teal eyes - filled with her growing anxiety from thinking about both women - gazed at her lover in the kitchen.

What was she supposed to say? 'Hello? How was last night? I fucked up?'

How can I even face her? She looked away, gritting her teeth together.

"Anna?"

Oh no. Meg was staring right at her with her perfect eyes and her perfect smile.

"Meg…"

The woman wiped her hand with the apron, shutting the stove off. "Good morning. I didn't think you'd wake up so soon."

Anna nodded. Timidly, her legs strode towards Meg. She wanted to embrace Meg. She wanted to kiss her good morning like they always would. She couldn't. She couldn't even look at her girlfriend. "I… I have been awake."

"And you didn't tell me?" Meg tilted her head and stepped closer to her. Fingers slowly lifted Anna's chin, but Gods… the redhead badly wanted to look away. This was embarrassing. Shameful. She had just… hurt Meg. She knew it. She did. "Are you alright?"

Anna clenched her teeth together, fingers curled in a fist. Why? Why can't I say it? "I'm okay."

"Anna… was it last night? I'm sorry I… barged in there. I thought -"

"No. No, it was…" she nodded, "it was fine. I liked it. I didn't want to wake you up so -"

"I thought so." She chuckled, lips kissing Anna's forehead. "It wasn't so bad yesterday, was it?"

"Meg -"

The woman quickly turned back to her cooking, smiling. But it was such an empty smile. Anna… could see through it. "I didn't think you would do that. I thought you'd wake me up until I heard those moans. And it didn't even come from you!"

"I -"

"Honestly, you didn't even have to do that. But I understand that sometimes… we just need to be by ourselves. That… I apologize for." She paused. "But it felt great, didn't it?"

How am I supposed to even say this? Especially when she was looking at Anna with all sorts of expectations. And as broken as she was, Anna nodded. If she couldn't talk about everything… she might as well try to act normal. Her lips pursed, forcing out a smile. "Yeah, it did."

That mask of a grin that Meg had put on widened. "Good! I have to be in school soon, so if you're going to eat later, I'll leave some breakfast for you."

"That'd be wonderful."

Everything became peaceful afterward. Anna had slowly cleaned herself up in the bathroom, and Meg was eating breakfast in the living room for the short moment she had left before she could go. It wasn't always like this. It wasn't normal that Anna would just wish her lover could just go to school.

There wasn't a thing that Anna hated. Merely, she hated herself for doing something so disgusting, and she knew… her lover was just bearing it for their much-loved relationship.

With a face splashed with water, the sink brimming, she looked up to her own reflection. Something as refreshing as washing her face… wasn't going to erase the shame on her expression. She sighed, grabbing a towel to wipe the water off her skin.

"Anna?!"

The redhead opened the door. "Y-Yeah?"

"I'm going to school now. Do you need anything else?"

Anna smiled, listening to Meg's purse ruffling around. "No. Have a nice day, baby. I'll pick Olaf up from school later."

"Alright. Love you~"

The door clicked shut. "Love you… too." Finally, Anna was able to have a sense of peace. Finally… Anna was able to shut her door, slide herself against the wooden surface… and to wallow in her own misery. Her heart ached, but as much as she continued to think about the two women in her life, not a single sound of weeping made it to the air.

She dazed at the ceiling, completely helpless, completely undeserving of forgiveness. Perhaps, she shouldn't have been selfish in wanting to keep two women completely in her life. Perhaps, things would have worked out better, and her self-destructing mindset would have been long gone. Stubbornness… was Anna's greatest weakness.

She ran her fingers through her hair, and she realized she was always so dependent on the two of them to make her own sorry self feel better. How much validation did she need? How much care did she greedily want from those two?

No… it was time to change. She couldn't keep doing this anymore. She couldn't… hurt both of them at the same time. Her own pride wouldn't let her.

In a slow stride, she walked back to her bedroom just in time to hear her phone vibrate. Picking up the device, her wife's name popped up on the screen. "Good morning, Elsa."

"Good morning. How are you holding up?"

The woman sat on the side of the bed, looking down at her lap. "I… saw your message yesterday. I'm sorry I didn't answer." And I'm sorry that I thought about you…

The blonde chuckled. "If I'd expected you to answer, I would have continued to pester you. I just wanted to say my thoughts before going to bed."

"I see."

A moment of silence awkwardly passed. And, perhaps, it was awkward because well, they knew they were still feeling some type of way for each other. And it was one… Anna was finally beginning to admit she still was feeling. But it was also one she didn't have the courage to confess to Elsa. Not yet. They weren't ready for that yet. Perhaps, never. But how long am I going to hurt Meg?

"Tiana's taking Olaf to school today?" Anna started quietly.

"Ah, yes, I think so. But be sure to pick him up this evening."

"Yeah, I'll do that."

"Anna… if I did something wrong, please… tell me. I vowed to change, and I'm keeping those words."

"N-No, you didn't do anything wrong."

"Then why do you sound like someone has run you over?" Do I sound like that?

Anna cleared her throat, but it made it even more obvious to Elsa that it was exactly how she sounded like. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes, you do."

She sighed, scratching the back of he neck. "I just…" I need to tell the truth. Either of them. Just let it go. She spluttered. Her mouth opened, a few incoherent words slipped out, but she just couldn't do it. All Anna had to do was relax, and yet… as long as her words continued to stay inside of her heart, how could she say anything? Her hands were even trembling at the thought of saying "I touched myself at thought of you". Fuck.

"I have a lot to say," she mumbled. It was a start.

"I know you do."

"Elsa… I don't know what's wrong with me." She waited for the woman to respond, and when she didn't, Anna continued, "I…" What the hell am I doing? "I think I'm going crazy…"

"Anna."

She took a deep breath, eyes wandering around as she had pressed her palm against her forehead. "How am I supposed to do this…? How am I supposed to choose…?" her voice croaked. "Elsa, I don't know how to stop thinking about you…" And with a shaky inhale, and in a panic state, she wept once more.

"Anna. Anna, listen to me… take a deep breath."

Her heart was pounding again, her body tingling with numbness, and she had wrapped her shaking limps towards her chest. Every single breath she took, she was reminded of the two women, and every time she thought about them… the harder it was to breathe. It was painful. She began wheezing.

"Anna, listen to my voice. You are wonderful. Don't think about anything else. Just listen to me. Count to ten with me, beautiful. Come now. One… two…"

"Three… four…"

"Good girl. Keep counting. I'm driving to your place right now, Anna."

"N-No, please!"

"Anna, I'm worried about you!"

"Please… if you come see me…" She took a deep breath, her own fingers clenching on the front of her shirt. "If you come see me… you're just going to make me break down even more. L-Let me… Let me just take the day to think. I-I will come to pick Olaf up when it's time. Alright? Please," she urged. It was all she could do. Elsa could be stubborn sometimes as well, but… Anna was more so. She wasn't going to give Elsa the pleasure of knowing how fucked up her thoughts were last night. She stood up from bed, legs pacing around. "Please, Elsa."

"You have some explaining to do tonight."

"Elsa -" And before she knew it, her wife had hung up immediately. She knew it. She knew… Elsa would be frustrated. She knew her own stupid self would just simply cause more stress in both of their relationships because Anna couldn't manage to even open up.

She drowned in her own silence, and almost feeling dizzy… she sat back down on the bed, her phone falling to her side. She swallowed, staring at her own lap. She dreaded everything about herself. She absolutely despised the fact that she couldn't even face her own feelings head on, and tell others that she was feeling a certain way. Everything felt absolutely sickening.

Evening had dawned. Six o' clock was here, and Anna had driven herself from work to school just to pick Olaf up. And as much as she missed seeing her boy, she couldn't take even a single step out of her car. She pondered at the school, its lights still on for those who stayed behind for after-school.

And now that Olaf was going to be in the third grade soon, she had hoped that Olaf would excel in all subjects better than anyone else so that he wouldn't need the extra help - only… both of his mothers would be working until the evening so picking him up on the dot at three would be impossible. After-school had to be a second option as much as they both used to hate the thought of leaving Olaf in there way past school dismissal. But throughout the years, they had learned that Olaf was enjoying it. But will he enjoy it now that I've caused such a mess?

She shook her head, her thoughts racing. Enough. Let's just get him…

Anna courageously huffed her breath and opened the door. The burst of adrenaline she had left her storming into the school, and before Anna realized it, she was in the classroom. It was always rare to see the students collectively doing their homework together in peace. Perhaps, playtime hadn't occurred yet?

"Mama!"

Anna felt her lips stretch to an adoring smile, feeling a small body jump against her for a hug. "Oh God, hi, buddy." She gazed down to see her boy's head right against her front and his sweet, sweet giggles bringing Anna much joy. She ruffled his hair, wondering if Elsa had cut it. She must have… I mean, it's not bad looking, at least.

"Mama, I missed you…" Olaf replied, bringing his head to tilt up.

The woman mirrored his soft expression, and she could see all the love on her little boy's face. In the corner of her eyes, she noticed his teacher staring right at them as she helped one of Olaf's classmates on her homework. "I missed you too. Have you been well, buddy?"

"Yeah! Mom and I are very happy!"

Mom, huh? "I'm glad. Doing well in school?"

"Yeah, I got a lot of As and stickers."

"Good job." She rewarded a peck on Olaf's forehead. "I'm so proud of you, baby. I'm sorry I didn't pick you up this week."

"Heh, it's okay."

"I thought you wouldn't be able to come. I almost wanted to bring Olaf home to you." Meg slowly came up to them, handing Anna the sign-in sheet and a pen.

She quickly scribbled her name and time. "Sorry, there was a bit of traffic, that's all." She rubbed her son's back. "Are you hungry? Should I buy you some snacks before getting home, sweetheart?"

Olaf immediately shook his head. "Ms. Johnson gave me cinnamon oatmeal!"

Anna raised her eyebrows. Huh… Is she even allowed to do that?

"Hey, don't give him that look," her lover jutted her hip to one side, hand placed on it, "I figured he was hungry."

"Special privilege?"

Meg rolled her eyes, her hand reaching to run through Olaf's hair. "It's called taking care of my students. Shouldn't you go now? Elsa is waiting."

Anna almost visibly tensed up at the sound of Elsa's name coming out of her lover's mouth. She gazed down at her son, who excitedly held her hand, his legs bouncing up and down with energy. There was a silent moment that Anna considered… well, she might as well stay a little while, and hopefully, Elsa wouldn't mind. She wanted to pamper Meg with love. She wanted to apologize. And whether or not she thought she wanted this, her heart knew best to just go home to Elsa.

"Will you be home tonight?" she still asked, and she was cautious about the way she sounded. She wasn't excited for Meg to come home. Not after what happened.

"Yeah, I should be. I'll be a little late though. I'll text you."

Anna nodded, smiling tightly. "No problem. Look, I'm sorry about -"

"Ms. Johnson?" The ladies turned around to see a man by the door with his arm full of packets. He was dressed quite formally in a collared shirt and dark blue suit pants - though, he was wearing a tie printed with characters from Sesame Street. He was just… so bulky, as well. His eyes annoyingly gleamed with joy as he walked towards Anna's lover. "Sorry to disturb you. I printed out the packets you needed. Oh, and I saw you had a file for an exam next week, so I printed those out as well. Hope you don't mind?"

Meg beamed, taking the folder of papers in her arms. "Thanks, Mr. Demo. You didn't need to do all that."

"Oh," he chuckled, placing his hand around his hip, "It is my responsibility to get along with the teachers here. It's nothing, don't worry about it."

"It's very kind of you."

"Do you need anything else? My students are gone for the evening, and I don't mind staying a bit late -"

"Ah-hem." What even is this? It was almost like the two had basically blocked her out. And… that man… Anna didn't even take a single moment to glance at him until the two had turned their attention to her. "Meg, this is…"

"Oh, I'm sorry," she chuckled, coming to Anna's side, arm wrapped around her shoulder. "Anna, this is Mr. Demo. He just came in a few weeks ago as a new fifth-grade teacher."

With an awfully gleeful smile, he offered his hand to shake. "Call me Hercs," he announced, shrugging, "It's usually Hercules but… who likes such a ridiculous name?"

Anna wasn't amused, but she entertained him, nonetheless. With her eyes still on Meg, almost questioning and judging her, she shook his hand. "Anna. It's… a pleasure to meet you. Meg, I'm going to go."

"Of course," she gazed down at Olaf, "I'll see you tomorrow, buddy. Don't cause Mama any stress, alright?"

The boy giggled, "I promise."

"I'll see you, darling." The brunette leaned in, hand grasping Anna's arm, her lips pecking Anna's once. The woman admitted, something so simple and sweet as receiving just the smallest kiss felt like heaven on earth. She could forget all the denial she had and enjoy the short moment that time permitted them to have.

She smiled sweetly, watching as Meg whispered, "I love you" before pushing her out the door.

The car ride was almost suffocating. She could hear her boy sing in the backseat all evening, but her mind was distracted from all the fun she could have been having with her son. She bit her lip, and she could just feel her body grow tense out of stress.

"Mama?"

She clenched onto her steering wheel. She feared the ferocity that she knew Elsa would have once they'd see each other. She knew Elsa was trying her best to be the very person that Anna had fallen in love with, but it wasn't enough to open the redhead up. Wasn't it ironic? Elsa was always the first one to close herself up when times were rough.

"Mama!"

The woman blinked. She turned to the side where Olaf peeked out between the two front seats, looking worried. "Yeah, sweetheart?"

He pouted, brows furrowed tightly. "We're here, Mama… can we get out?"

Anna looked past his small shoulder to confirm that. The lights were on, and that meant… Elsa was in there. Her jaw clenched, her eyes softening, and again, it was shame she was showing now. It's okay, it's just for a bit. "Alright, go on, kid."

They both opened the door, and the moment she had turned the engine off, she heard the door creak open.

"Mom!"

The blonde had slowly walked out, her smile widening for the child. "Oh, baby," she knelt down, arms wrapped around Olaf's small frame, lips kissing his cheek with adoration, "how was school today, hm? Was it good?"

"Heh, good."

With hands tightly digging into her jean pockets, she watched the two from behind. As always, what could ever go wrong, seeing her son and her wife having such beautifully sweet interactions? Even at moments like this, Anna was willing to stay silent to let them have something so precious like this. The small smile that she would always wear was replaced with a worried look, though. Her heart felt heavy and breathing was hard, but she had to trudge on.

And only then, when Elsa had stood up, allowing the boy to go inside, their eyes met. Anna wasn't even sure where to start. An apology? Perhaps… do exactly what Elsa had asked of her to do - to just talk. She could sense the anger through the tense air. She could feel the way Elsa was judging her. Anna was silent. What if she said the wrong thing? What would happen then?

Elsa had slowly stepped aside. "Come in."

Those were her first words the moment they had seen each other. Never once had Elsa greeted her like this. But Anna continued to stay put. "I -"

"Come. In. We're going to have dinner soon. Don't make Olaf wait, Anna."

There was something so demanding in her soft - somehow, even caring - voice. Instantly, she had taken a step inside her home. Looking around… everything was the same. Olaf was in the kitchen, searching for snacks… and the television was on Cartoon Network. She swallowed. It was almost like she had just entered Elsa's house as a guest. She was. Only… she was just an ex-lover, which was way worse.

She cleared her throat, taking off her shoes. Elsa was in the middle of climbing up the stairs as well. "Come up, we have some things to talk about."

Anna still didn't answer. She already had her tail tucked in between her legs… and she knew she had to spill out everything as much as she wanted to prolong the time.

"Mama?"

She turned to her boy's soft voice, striding towards her by the staircase. His hands carried a small juice box and a small packet of pretzels. "Mama, are you staying for dinner?"

Anna smiled tightly. "Yeah. But I have to talk with Mom first, okay? Eat your snacks." She turned to see Elsa looking back at her expectedly. Elsa didn't even have to say anything to make Anna go quiet again. Leaning in to kiss Olaf's forehead, she quickly followed Elsa from behind to her bedroom.

The lights were dim in the surrounding area, but even the warmth of the light wasn't going to make Anna relax. She stood by the doorway, only to have Elsa turn, grab her arm… and pulled her right in. The door immediately shut close. "Elsa -"

"Sit." The blonde nodded to the bed, her voice emphasizing her frustration. Her body moved like she was being controlled by Elsa's words. She couldn't deal with herself, so she allowed it. She needed guidance, and if Elsa's anger - the coldness that was emitted - was guidance, then so be it.

She gazed at her own lap, feeling the silence overwhelm the harsh voices in her head. If Elsa was waiting for her to start - and she could feel Elsa's attentive eyes on her, the side of Elsa's arm touching her own - well, she wasn't sure how to start. Maybe I do need to go to therapy.

"Anna, tell me what's wrong," she whispered. Anna was almost… so glad that her wife wasn't crossing any lines. Elsa vowed to have changed… and it showed. But how could Anna show her face to her after what she did yesterday? How could she tell her the honest truth to Meg, who clearly was and should be questioning her feelings now? Her throat was caught in a small tight lump, blocking any hurtful words from coming out.

They said they were going to be okay. She promised Meg that they would love each other forever and always. But all Anna had done… was betray her love and attention, and in a way, herself. How could any of this make her feel better?

Oh, but it would. She felt the woman's cool hand placed on her own. Those exasperated eyes moments ago eased, perhaps, seeing how upset Anna seemed. Even the most heavenly smile Anna had noticed on Elsa's face could not encourage her.

"You can trust me," she stated, almost pleading. Those four words… really were filled with trust, and Anna believed it. "Anna… please."

Anna wrung her fingers together on her lap, bottom lip pressed between her teeth. For a second, she had looked into Elsa's eyes, but stared down to her lap once more. Her lips trembled open, but it took so much courage to let out all these words. Everything… felt dizzying. Her world was just about to fall apart, but if it mattered, she wouldn't be here. "These past few months… I have been the most… happiest. With Meg. She made me smile, laugh, cry. She cooked for me. She kissed me. She listened to me when I needed someone to listen. She was perfect."

Elsa's smile, as expected, fell, but her hand still traveled up to Anna's small back. "Is something wrong?" she whispered.

Anna shook her head, chuckling to herself. "That's exactly it. Nothing is wrong. I have everything. But deep down… I know I have to admit that there is a part of me that knows that I'm not enough for her. That I'm no good for her."

"Why do you think that?"

This is it. She clenched her fingers together in a fist, lips pursing. Her eyes were coated with unshed tears, drowned with guilt and shame. The torture. She knew she had to do this… so she must endure. "Elsa… I have done her wrong." Her eyes wandered, and while those tears finally ended up streaming down, she never realized she was crying. "I… don't know if she knows. Maybe she does know. Maybe my mind is just playing tricks on me again…"

"Anna…"

"Ugh…" The redhead bent over to her knees, hands grasping her hair in frustration. Eyelids were shut to squeeze tears out… and while her mind continuously screamed for her to say everything, her lips weren't doing their job. "I fucked up…"

She waited for an answer. She waited for Elsa to ask how she had fucked up… but only a stressed silence answered her patience. Anna wasn't sure if she should be pleased by the fact or if she should run away right now. This was her chance. It was her responsibility to open up. I don't deserve her… I don't deserve either of them…

"Anna, I promised you that I'm not that person that I was when we broke up." Anna blinked, her ears perking up to the sound of Elsa's gentle words singing into her ears. "I realized what I was missing. I regret all the things that I have done. That I have felt. Because I selfishly wanted fun. I selfishly thought about myself… and not my family. And I want to be… family once more. It doesn't matter what we are - friends, sisters, strangers - I will always support you, I will listen to you, and I will give you advice. I want you to know that you still have me. Anna, will you look at me?"

The redhead, with much courage, turned her throbbing head. Foreign tender fingers slowly stroked her messy hair back, and as much as Anna dared to lean herself in, her body wouldn't submit. There was something that she couldn't describe, seeing the way Elsa was gazing at her. Like they were so in love. Like she cared. She was… completely entranced at the way those eyes wandered on her expression, at the way those cheeks glowed pink with joy. And at least… Anna now realized just being here could make Elsa so happy.

But she was still crying like a child, still trying to hold it back like a child to look all strong and mighty. She needed to topple down. She had to. And in front of Elsa, God… that woman could make Anna fall apart in seconds. Feeling her wife wiping tears away from her cheeks with the palm of her soft hand… Anna never felt more broken.

"I thought about you…" Anna croaked. Her wife… still continued to wipe her tears, humming attentively.

"You thought about me? Sure. In what way did you think about me, if I may ask?" The whole time, Elsa continued to bear a motherly smile.

Anna couldn't even bear a second, looking at her. The guilt… was riding on her shoulders like sticks and stones that even the acceptance in Elsa's voice couldn't even begin to lift it all up. She took a deep breath. The only comfort… was the softness of Elsa's hand touching her, loving her... and she needed it. Do it. Say it.

She licked her lip. "I saw your messages… I couldn't stop thinking about it. I-I couldn't… I couldn't stop thinking about how beautiful you were that night… how you kissed my cheek. How you looked at me… I missed that so much. I-I… I didn't think…" slowly, Elsa brushed her fingers through Anna's hair again, like grooming a lost cat, "I didn't think any of this would happen."

"Mhm. What happened? Go on, take it slow," Elsa urged.

"I thought of you… I thought of Meg… I was selfish. I w-was touch… touching myself… while I was thinking about you. And, G-God, I messed up. How could I do this to her? How could I face her? How could I face you…? I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up - " Anna couldn't control herself anymore. Her hands itched, turning into fists immediately, and it only took a second until Anna started smacking her own head -

"Beautiful, no, no, no, no -" And it only took another second until Elsa had held her wrists, crossed them against Anna's chest… and her arms quickly embraced Anna. "Baby, you're okay."

"L-Let me go -"

"No, please. Don't do this, don't do this…" She let out a shaky sigh. "I've got you. You don't have to do this. You don't have to punish yourself. I don't want to see that… I don't want you to experience that."

But Anna was still trying hard to push the woman away. She didn't need Elsa to hug her like this. She didn't deserve it. "Elsa, please -" With her face just so close to Elsa's chest, she could hear those heartbeats quicken. Is she… worried?

"Shh…"

Lips pressed close to Anna's hair, hand continuing to soothe Anna's back. Oh, she never realized how much… better it was to let it all out. Even if it still hurt. Even if she knew… Elsa would feel some kind of way as well. She blankly stared at her wife's chest, listening to the hushes and the consistently fast heartbeat flowing into her ears.

"Oh, beautiful, please don't hurt yourself. It's not your fault -"

"It is…"

She sighed. "My darling, I only care about your well-being. Whatever you did yesterday… it won't bother me. Fine, you thought about me, great. I don't care about that right now. I only want to be your shoulder to cry on. Please don't hurt yourself."

Anna stayed silent, watching the remaining tears stain her wife's shirt. Her crossed arms loosely fell to her lap, but Elsa… still held her tightly in her arms. "Why aren't you mad at me? I did something so… despicable."

"Why should I be mad? They were your own thoughts and they were own personal feelings, and you chose to deal with it that way."

"I had… I had sex with her while I thought about you."

And even when Elsa hadn't pulled away… she could sense the hesitation of wanting to be kind and reasonable. She could feel her wife's body tensing even more… only to loosen up with a deep intake of breath. "Now, that… is something you need to tell her. I care, Anna… but that doesn't mean I can let everything go. I won't tell you my personal feelings because, frankly, I don't think you and I are ready for that yet. Tell her why you did what you did… and while I know it will be painful, it will be much better once you had let go."

"You're oddly reasonable about this…"

"It's not because I want to be reasonable. It's because I want to be there for you, and you needed my advice. Anna, look at me…" Her fingers slowly lifted Anna's chin up. "You thought about me… and I know you want me to hold onto you as hard as I could. But it's not right. Listen to your own heart." She pressed her two fingers against Anna's chest. "You don't need me to make that decision for you."

"Decision…"

She sighed, caressing Anna's cheek. "The decision to keep that a secret… or tell her how you truly feel."

And, ultimately… yes, it was going to be Anna's decision to make. Relying on Elsa was no use. She felt fingers still caressing her, gentle eyes watching her every expression. Anna knew… her wife meant well. Her wife was doing the very best that she could to make sure Anna knew what she should be doing. Anna listened. She had to.

Slowly, she nodded, wiping her wet cheeks with the palm of her hand. "I… I'm going to have to think about this. I'm sorry."

"Just so you know… I still always want you to think about me. And I'm glad that you were open to telling me all of this. Don't be so silly and keep your emotions inside, okay?" She lightly pinched Anna's cheek, prompting the redhead's spirit to be lifted slightly.

"Yeah. I know."

"Good. You're probably hungry. Why don't we come down now?"

Two months had passed since then. So many things had crossed her mind during that time, yet Anna didn't have the will to have a proper conversation with Meg. She knew it. Elsa knew it, but the blonde didn't push Anna to say anything. Oh, if only she did… then, perhaps, every time Anna had seen Meg… she wouldn't have to feel so conflicted and distracted. But things did change. And whether it was a good thing or a bad thing… well, it was up for someone's judgement, and definitely, not Anna's.

Every moment that Meg had texted or called her, all Anna could feel was guilt and shame. Every moment that Meg had kissed her… Anna only felt obligated to kiss her back because… well, they were girlfriends.

This was torture though. Anna knew that. Elsa… only stood by the side to watch, and as much as Anna wanted her to interfere, all Elsa could say was, "this your decision to make, I can only support you when you do make that decision". It wasn't something Anna loved hearing - in fact, she grew tired of it - but in the back of her head, she knew that was the right choice. And Anna… needed to make the right choice.

The situation was increasingly growing tense at home. Anna could always feel how heavy the atmosphere could get every time Meg came to Anna's home to make dinner.

The clock ticked that evening as she looked out to the balcony of the living room. The weather was getting colder. Supposedly, it was going to shower with rain, but the sky seemed perfectly clear. Anna had been relaxing on the couch, letting the TV run through a certain news channel. Meg had been in the kitchen, and the gentle aroma of roasted chicken in the oven filled the air.

She turned to the small window connecting the living room and the kitchen, staring at her lover's back as she cooked. Life was… perfect, as it was. Living in a little household, with her perfect girlfriend cooking her a perfect meal while she sat back and relaxed… but where was the joy? Where was that joy she had a few months ago?

The more the days have passed, the heavier this guilt became, carried on her shoulders.

There were some days that she would just stay in Elsa's house because she couldn't take even a moment in her own apartment. She couldn't bear to be left alone in her own thoughts… thinking about Meg. Thinking about what she needed to say. And in those days… Anna felt relaxed. God, it was like… Elsa had decided to transfer all of these heavy feelings to herself. Every night, she would be smiling… and she would be laughing, and she would be enjoying her time with her son while Elsa sat beside her to talk.

But that was it. She still had a girlfriend to take care of - and she still had those words that her girlfriend needed to hear. It had been two months. If she waited even longer… she would only be hurting herself even more.

"Anna, would you set up the table for me? The chicken will be done in five minutes, and I've got my hands full with the veggies," Meg stated.

"Yeah, sorry." She got up straight away, standing right next to Meg as she searched the cabinet for plates and utensils. Now's your chance. "Hey, Meg…" She closed the cabinet door, slowly facing her lover with a stoic face. For some reason… she wasn't nervous. Of course, the guilt still weighted heavily on Anna, and just… staring at her loving face made her feel it even more.

"Hm?"

She placed the plates down on the counter. You said it… Elsa has said it… it's about time you tell her. Do it. Taking a deep breath, she came closer. Her legs trembled, skin prickling with goosebumps. But as much as she wanted to hold Meg in her arms, she wasn't doing it. She gazed at the woman's slender fingers to her pleasantly soft expression. "We need to talk."

Instantly, Meg had stopped her movements. Silence filled the air as that soft expression quickly turned blank. Anger. Coldness. Sadness. No… there were so many emotions in her eyes that Anna couldn't even describe. But all in all, Anna could see Meg… was heartbroken. And it was something Anna had never seen before. Or vowed that she would ever want to see, and now she has.

She watched as Meg turned the stove off, her hands coming up to hold the edge of the counter. The brunette took a deep breath, head lowering down. Slowly, Meg nodded, her brown eyes, filled with various emotions, turned to Anna. They knew they needed this. And only one that could stop this now… was Anna.

"Yeah, we do."

a/n: wow, what does everyone think of Anna now? personally... she's as broken as she can get. i feel really sorry for her... but i also feel really sorry for meg.

also if anyone has time, please check out my new fic, "crash" and give it a little bit of love! im sure everyone would love it because ive had so much fun writing it!