"Hey hun! How are you? We're so overdue for a wine (or five!). Let's make it happen. By the way, I've got an exciting business opportunity that you might want to hear about!"

Does this message and my overuse of exclamation marks look familiar?

If you know anyone in multi-level marketing (MLM) businesses, also known as direct selling, it probably will.

Rodan and Fields, Mary Kay, Isagenix, Tupperware and Doterra are just a few brands you might have seen pop up in your social media feed.

Their members often rely on existing relationships for sales and recruitment. That can be frustrating when you just want to bitch about life over coffee — not be pitched the "opportunity of a lifetime".

"I have seen quite a few examples and testimonies from people who say differing opinions on MLM have ended friendships and even marriages," says Maire O Sullivan, lecturer in marketing at the Cork Institute of Technology, who has studied MLMs through a feminist lens.

"Many people become frustrated with friends attempting to 'commodify' their emotional connection."

MLMs are often fuelled by promises of "get rich quick" and the flexibility to "be your own boss". The reality is making money from direct sales is largely a pipedream (fewer than 1 per cent of members will make a profit) and it's a business model that targets women in financially and emotionally vulnerable states.

Understandably you might be concerned for your friend, and equally not interested in supporting their MLM scheme.

So where does that leave your friendship?

Do you have an experience with MLMs you want to share? Let’s chat: life@abc.net.au

How MLMs can impact friendships

Melissa*, a Brisbane professional in her 30s, hasn't seen one of her bridesmaids in years for several reasons, including MLMs.

"It got to the stage where it felt like every time I saw her there was a new 'business opportunity' I was expected to support — Tupperware, essential oils, lingerie, nutrition supplements," she says.

"And there was a slightly guilt-trippy, passive-aggressive tone if I wasn't on board and prepared to spend money or host a party."

Jess*, who studies full time in Brisbane, was fed up with her friend hassling her to join an MLM scheme — and especially when she hit up her contacts list on social media.

"She added my sisters on Facebook who she's never met. I felt that was overstepping the mark," the 35-year-old says.

Lucy*, a 25-year-old stay at home mum living in the US, says while she wants to support her friend's MLM venture, the "harassment is relentless".

"I have a very, very strict budget and I can't buy this crap all the time.

"I hate MLMs so much. The guilting, the relentless posting … and the girls from school in my DMs like, 'Hey babe, how are you?' I don't respond anymore because I already know what they want."

(*Our case studies asked to be anonymous for fear of damaging the friendships further.)

You don't have to be 'that guy'

But things don't have to go sour with your MLM friend.

If you decide the friendship is worth hanging around for, Relationships Australia NSW CEO Elisabeth Shaw says understanding their choice will help keep it intact.

"Try putting yourself in your friend's shoes as to why this is appealing to them — even if you don't believe in it.

"There are often good reasons, and if you stay focused on those, then you can stay respectful."

For example, it's not only money that appeals to MLM recruits. It's a sense of community and purpose.

Your friend doesn't need you to tell them that it probably won't work out. Most MLM salespeople quit at one point or another.

"If it's not going to work out, that will just happen in time. You as a friend don't have to be the one to announce that … you can just be supportive and respectful and let it play out," Ms Shaw says.

ABC Life in your inbox Get our newsletter for the best of ABC Life each week Your information is handled in accordance with the ABC Privacy Collection Statement Email address Subscribe

Ways to be supportive without contributing to MLMs

Once upon a time, Dr O Sullivan went to Mary Kay and Avon parties, but with what she knows about MLMs now, she refuses to support them in any way.

"My concern in supporting a friend involved in these enterprises … is that only a small portion of the sale price goes to your friend — most goes to a business which can be involved in highly unethical practices," she says.

"Even if your friend is making great money, I could not bring myself to support a venture that costs 99 per cent of people involved money."

But not all is lost — there are ways to be supportive without contributing financially.

"One of the cleverest ways I have heard of for helping people is to provide them with business resources; in particular, pre-formatted spreadsheets to track profit and loss," Dr O Sullivan says.

"This shows those who may not be business-savvy the cost of their sales and the value they are placing on their own time. It can help to break the spell for those who are putting in a large investment for little pay-off."

Ms Shaw recommends setting boundaries with your friend.

"If you are asked to host something or be involved in some way, feel like you can be clear that you do feel supportive, but you aren't in a position to help in that way.

"Maybe say you are happy to come and be a cheer squad, but you're not in a position to buy anything [for example]."

And being supportive doesn't mean the relationship has to become a one-way street, explains Catherine Sanders, a clinical psychologist with the Australian Association of Family Therapy.

"It's about reciprocity. All relationships depend on that equal balance of give and take.

"If a friend is taking more — like wanting you to 'like' their posts and come to their parties — but has no time or energy for you and what matters to you, that's really difficult … but something you need to talk about."

Expressing concern about the MLM model

If you think your friend is at risk, financially or otherwise, express that in a sensitive and respectful way, Ms Sanders says.

"You sit them down and say 'I respect the fact you've taken this on and are hoping it will resolve some financial issues or whatever. However I've heard about a number of people who have got caught up and lose money and I'm really worried for you'."

Ms Shaw says it's not wise to condemn their choice. Making your friend feel ashamed will only drive them away.

Dr O Sullivan says the risk of sharing your thoughts on MLMs is your friend might shut you out — as is the nature with some of the schemes.

"In some MLMs, participants are encouraged to cut out anyone who expresses doubt as this negativity will prevent them from achieving their full potential."