Well, I guess the Fame’s chicken thing does make sense now.

Also, you’re welcome All Stars 2 producers for that team name.

Format: The maxi challenge of cuts between spoken word and snips of songs was fantastic; not only was it hilarious but it also felt like it resembled something a queen might actually do outside of Drag Race (I actually just saw Mimi Imfurst do a Titanic mashup at the Battle of the Seasons and she got a standing ovation for it).

Also, because my bitching is never done, moving Untucked to YouTube and having it only release the next day is kind of aggravating because it definitely disjoints the RuPaul’s Drag Race viewing experience considering the shows go hand-in-hand. Also, sometimes the Untucked is arguably more interesting so I don’t know why it was shafted like that especially because, like what, did Logo feel like it was losing viewership by not having more reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Will and Grace?

Anyway, let’s talk about some queens:

For this week Jaidynn Diore Fierce, Jasmine Masters, and Max are safe from my bitchy ways especially Max because she’s had like three minutes of screen time so far and considering that fact, I’m surprised people already have opinions on whether or not her character or accent is annoying. Is there a secret Max spinoff show I don’t know about?

Ginger Minj– Ginger not only won the maxi challenge this week, she also won the most important challenge of Drag Race: The confessional challenge. Ginger was sassy, she was relatable, and she was down-to-earth. If Katya’s Top 3 and she’s not then I imagine she’s the strongest contender for Miss Congeniality at this point in the game.

Kandy Ho– Because queen was bit too hotheaded for someone who just lipsanc. Like gurl, did you miss the piece of humble pie that Ru places by the makeup counter of every near-eliminee after each elimination?

However, a bit full of herself as she was, I do agree she was underestimated this challenge considering how well she performed small role she was assigned and also how tightly she lipsanc it; it makes me think she could’ve done even better with a larger role. Katya– Scenes from Katya’s stewardess days because let’s be real: That realness was so real it just had to be real.

Seriously, that look was iconic and breath-taking, and had she fucked up the challenge a little less I think this look would have easily saved her from lipsyncing. Not that she needed any help because right after she sucked at lipsyncing she proved she can also annihilate a lipsync. Yes, Katya is spinning a glamorous web of contradictions and she’s tangling all our hearts in it.

Kennedy Davenport– ;P to you too, queen.

But also, let’s talk about how Kennedy and Jasmine have formed the Unsavory Alliance of Crotchety Queens because damn, weird queens could not catch a break this episode. Moreover, does this mean Chachki is not the defining bitch of the season? Is she instead our gritty anti-hero?

Miss Fame– I firmly believe that Fame is in actuality married to herself because if you can’t get married to yourself how in the hell are you going to get married to somebody else?

Anyway, I enjoy Fame but it’s hard to miss that the queen has some LA brand narcissism going on; which is not to say it’s undeservedly so considering you don’t just learn to beat a mug that flawlessly overnight, that takes work, but it makes me feel like she’s going to be the Jenna Maroney of the series.

This episode we saw everyone coming down on Miss Fame for not having much performing experience which resulted in a minor ganging up on her at one point. To which I say I sympathize with Miss Fame’s plight, but don’t you guys get it? She’s stiff when she moves, her mug is inhumanly flawless, and she’s only been married for one year; it all adds up to one thing:

Which explains everything; the reason she can’t do choreography is because she’s only been moving independently for a year!

Also, for anyone concerned that Fame was going to lipsync this episode, I wouldn’t worry because I’m pretty sure she’s intended to stay for a very long time and the way that we ensure that is to not have Fame go up against anyone who doesn’t need an oil can to loosen their joints. I would not be surprised if she gets Top 3 and only does the lipsync at the finale which is just about the most ignored and least important.

Mrs. Kasha Davis– Don’t get me wrong, I love Ginger and I think she worked really hard during the challenge, but what I know is that Kasha’s mugging left me gasping for air throughout her entire performance and I can be a real stone-faced bitch sometimes. Additionally, I didn’t get why Michelle zeroed in on Kasha’s jet set eleganza considering I thought Ginger’s seemed to meet the criteria less.

So much as I enjoy Ginger, Kasha, you won the challenge in my heart.

Pearl- We need to address that a lot of us are having a teen idol problem with Pearl.

Because let’s be honest: Pearl is a nearly flawless looker in drag and out, she’s very chill, and yet still full of adorable quirks. And people are losing their fucking shit over her; seriously, every place I normally see Drag Race posts has an unsightly amount of Pearl posting about how every twitch she’s made is pearlfection [Not even a little bit kidding]. Now I’m not to say that it needs to stop, because I’m also riding on that bandwagon; I mean just take a look at my Trapper Keeper:

Instead I’m saying get a support group ready in the event of a Pearlimination and more importantly, get a safehouse ready for the unfortunate bitch who sends her home. Seriously, if you thought Ben Delarobbed 2014 was a fiery social media shitstorm then be warned that Fallen Pearl 2015 looks to be an even greater unholy cacophony.

Also, not trying to be biased towards one of my new favorites but I felt like Pearl deserved to be in the Top 3 this episode more than Chachki, not that I don’t love the Chach, but I just felt like Pearl was mugging way more in her performance and from what I could see her choreography was together.

Sasha Belle– Gone but not forgotten.

What? I’m sorry! I blame Pearl for putting photoshop ideas in my head.

Anyway, I have to say that one of the more brutal things about this season’s Untucked is its zeroing in on the eliminated queen because now you really see them go through the entire Kubler-Ross model of despair as they come to accept that they’ve only made it as far at they have and oh is it rough to watch.

Trixie Mattel– Miss Fame better get ready to baby her hole because, if her makeup’s any indication, Trixie is not afraid to beat an orifice to capacity.

Also, I sort of wish they were both single so we could finally get our first showmance, and could this one be any more tantalizing? Two queens, from opposite ends of drag, united by their unending love of one thing: Miss Fame.

I have to say I find the idea that Trixie’s makeup style means that she can’t really do makeup quite baffling. Exaggerated makeup such as hers takes a lot of work to develop correctly, and not only that, make no mistake Trixie can tone down her look if she needs to:

Really what it comes down to is a conflict between wanting to look fish or wanting to look iconic, and I think she made the right choice considering fishy makeup has a much shorter shelf life.

Violet Chachki– (EDIT: Apparently the pattern isn’t fries like I thought but bullets. Which destroys my salty queen with her fries joke, but just know that it existed.)

Except Chachki is one of my many delights this season, and, as much as the shade chime wants to convince me she’s fabulous but she’s evil, I really can’t help find her every self-involved moment strangely endearing.

Also, in solidarity with my love of Chachki I’ve decided to try and achieve her waistline. Thus far I’ve cut out all the meat from my mid-section leaving only my spine, which I’ve hollowed out the vertebrae to hold all my essentials, and yet still I find my waist not worthy enough. Chachki, how can I properly be your disciple?!

Also, I love her for this:

Who the fuck taught her how to wink? Lucille Bluth?

That’s it for this week, join me next week as everyone sucks at a [Shakespeare challenge and Ru tells them off]. Oh, I’m so excited; I hope Ru goes full-on Tyra.

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