ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

“Tyler!” he screamed up the stairs.

“Tyler! You better not be playing that fucking game!”

Tyler was playing that fucking game.

In a statement made earlier this week – or last week sometime – the NBN chief, Bill Morrow, took time out of his busy schedule of shitting the bed around the nation to tell taxpayers that their NBN was being killed by young people and their unquenchable thirst to play online video games.

And that did not sit well with Tyler’s father, John Meeks.

Like most hard-working Baby Boomers of his ilk, he pays his taxes and feels his offspring have it too easy.

Enter Tyler, a directionless, perennially anxious 15-year-old Betoota Heights high school student who finds comfort in escaping this hellscape of a planet through video games.

However, after the declaration made by Morrow regarding computer gamers and their malignant presence on the nation’s internet infrastructure, John decided this afternoon to put the fun and games to an end.

“You’re ruining the internet,” said John – moments after bursting into his son’s room with barely a knock.

“Get off the computer now. You’re supposed to be doing homework, anyway. This isn’t homework, this is shit.”

Tyler’s mother, Butter, followed her husband up the stairs to join in the emotional stacks-on.

“Is this why your marks have gone down?” she barked standing over her son.

“I’m so disappointed and angry. Your father and I put so much effort into raising you right and you throw it right back in our face! No wonder I can’t watch my shows on Netflix! You are so selfish!”

Butter sighed and told John to confiscate their son’s computer.

He did so and the parents left Tyler alone in his room with only his smartphone to entertain him.

Shortly after he noticed our reporter standing out in the unit complex’s communal garden, Tyler came to the window and drew the curtain.

“Shows over, fuck face,” said Tyler to our reporter.

More to come.