PART 1: Friends.





As the Millennium falcon raced through hyper-space Han Solo grunted out loud and poured himself a cup of space coffee.

“It’s gonna be a long night, kid” Solo said with a tired rasp in his voice. Luckily for the exhausted hero his good friend Luke was able to provide some relief…

“It’s O.K. buddy, I’ll stay up to help you fly if need be…”

“Thanks kid, ya know I appreciate it…” Han had never said how much he appreciated Luke, it was understood between the two. Brotherly love had overcome them and the two put their arms around each other as they flew.

“Seen any good movies lately kid?”

“The one with the penguins and they surf.”

“That looks like shit.”

“No!” Luke gasped gayly “No… man it was NEAT!”

Now Han’s good friend Dash Rendar (whom you might remember from the classic N64 title Shadows of the Empire) wanted the whole gang to have a reunion of sorts. After the recent defeat of the empire a nostalgic feel was in the air that one could not escape, a sense of belonging was felt throughout the entire rebellion. However, Han and his crewmates were somewhere in the Derpadon system and if they wanted to make it to the Coxmonger system in time for the party, then an all-nighter was in order…

It was nothing new for Solo, with his history of out racing the likes of Jabba the Hut and nearly every bandit across the galaxy he was surely used to nights like this. In previous years he would have been able to thrive during an all nighter. But the recent defeat of the empire and the years of traveling had left his tired bones worn and stale. He needed assistance and whenever a rocky moment presented itself, there was Luke. Kid.

Hours passed and the evening soon turned into a night that was growing later and later.

Han put on some Def Leppared to boost the energy level and overall morale in the cockpit…

“Now we’re rocking!” Han joyfully proclaimed.

“This is old man music… what are you, an old man?!”

“Wha-What… what the hell is the matter?” firing back at his co-pilot.

“Come on Han, don’t you have any System of a Down or Static-X?... something to get a little hoppity in goin’ in this ship?”

“Oh christ… figures someone your age wouldn’t like this…”

Luke was quick to respond. “I’m a grown ass man dawg…”

The two playfully argued. Luke would go to the fridge and offer Han some Capri suns and while they were still on a sugar high they’d race each other in their swirly chairs. They’d smile and laugh together. Time passed though, as it always does somehow when you wish to hold onto moments as they pass.

“Alright Han, bout time I call it a night… I can’t stay up much later, I’m sorry, I know I promised to help fly and everything” Luke sounded nervous.

“It’s fine kid… long as I got this space coffee by my side and my def leppard cassette tapes, I’m all set.”

“Swell. If you need anything just holler. I’ll be in the back bedroom.”

Luke walked through the hallway of the millennium falcon, admiring the wonderful artwork along the walls. It had always needed a woman’s touch. The fair princess Leah took it upon herself to make the drafty, mechanical ship into a rousing spectacle of beauty and art. Luke walked past the pictures of doggies running and children rolling aimlessly through the grass. Admiring everything on his way to the bedroom.

Luke tugged away at his sheets, trying desperately to fit them on his bed. Would it kill Han to spare me a decent set of sheets? I only defeated the evil emperor for silly’s sake! Luke thought as he stretched his arms across the ends of the bed.

He stretched and stretched and streeeeeetched, but with all the force he was using a nice little Toot! snuck out of his rear end.

“Oh my…” Luke said out loud. “looks like that galaxy spaghetti I had really did a number on me… better make a quickie run to the ol’ shit bucket before sleepy time.” Why he said all this out loud is a matter of discussion. Not only that, but nearly every word spoken was not in his character at all, but people change.

Luke finished setting his bed up and by now the poo was raging inside of him.

“Yikes! Here we goooooo!” Luke exclaimed and went racing to the bathroom. He sat his plump, white buttock down and delved into a People magazine.

“ahhh… finally” he sighed with relief.

…

…

45 minutes passed and still no sign of release.

HEP… Errrr… ahhhh! Christ when is this turd gonna pass!? He made every effort in his little boy body to expel this demon poo from his innards. He gripped the People magazine with all his might, nearly tearing the pages of the paparazzi section.

Without warning the bathroom door suddenly burst open. Yipes!

“Well hello… Luke” a seductive voice whispered from the doorway.

A shadowy figure stood leaning against the door frame. Her deep, sensual voice grabbed Luke immediately. His mind began racing and a nervous sweat began pouring from his face.

“Le – Leah… is that you? wha- what are you still doing up…?”

She appeared in nothing but a towel, seemingly ready to take a steamy shower. However she couldn’t with her brother near by… and any sensible woman would never allow her own brother to see her in the nude. Right? RIGHT!!?! SHIT!”

“Oh I felt dirty from flyin’ with Han all day… ya ever feel dirty Luke?”

“Y-Yes, I mean NO! NO! NO I HAVE NOT!”

With that statement Luke shrieked, he became so immensely worked up he cleaned his colon clear of any remaining feces that were in it. His voice also cracked more noticeably than when he was 13, but in comparison to the loud flatulent he released, who cares? Leah heard though, and giggled her adorable little girl laugh. It sent tingles all up Luke’s spine.

“Oh you’ve always been the shy one in the family, Luke...”

Luke was not shy, at all. He defeated the emperor and blew up the death star for Christ’s sake and now he suddenly found himself speechless. Was he going to see his sister naked? Little did he know, that was merely a sprinkle on the banana split that was to come.

“… the shy and excitable one.”

“Wh-what the…” and before Luke could send a full three words out of his mouth, Leah’s towel dropped to the floor, setting her breasts free into the mist of the shower. Luke noticed everything on her instantly. Her sensual curves, her delightfully perky breasts and the giant brown birth mark on her ass, which made him awkward.

Still, the sight of her near perfect body caused Luke’s penis to become very hard. It stood erect and proud, pointing straight towards the mighty heavens.

“hehe oh my luke… you‘re more impressive than I thought.”

“uh… ye-yeah, th-thaaanks Leah, you’re cute too.” THIS IS SO WRONG! It raced through his head at lightning speed. But the beautiful, wet, soapy body that stood before him spoke otherwise. Her shapely boobs were everything Luke could want in something to wank to. Yet did family relationship matter?..

…

…

NAAAAAAAH!!

She lathered up good and fine. The soap dripped off her body at a seductively slow pace. Luke could not contain the powerful urge of excitement that raced through his veins. The situation and the alluring look of his nudie sister became too much for him to fathom and his erect penis launched a mighty wad of semen directly onto Luke’s shaven chin. There Luke sat, pants down at his ankles, on a toilet full of poop with semen dripping from the bottom of his chin, eyes bulging from his face.

Leah giggled as Luke’s dignity shriveled and died, but Luke had always enjoyed that delightful snicker, even after he found out she was his own flesh and blood.

“Well… wh-what do we do now?” Luke said, desperately trying to sound suave.

“I don’t know babe… you tell me.”

“Well um… let’s g-get you outta my dr-dreams and into my bed.” Luke stuttered, desperately trying to be slick, yet he knew it was hopeless to be suave on the shitter.

Leah hopped gleefully out of the shower, the soap continued pouring from her shapely body. Luke stood up from the toilet, his man meat proudly waving about and his pants still down around his ankles. He hurried to chase her body down.

He fell in the door way, tripping over his pants. He pulled his face up from the floor and gazed at Leah, SPREAD EAGLE ON THE HOVER BED. Luke tried to look away, hell to pull himself up off the ground and get his shiney, white ass back in his pants. There his sister was… on the bed… proudly presenting herself.

The night wreaked of possibilities… and Luke knew… and Luke could see that it was going to be a porkfest of the most monumental proportions.





PART 2: “… and then I’m going to screw you completely.”



In the front of the falcon, Han Solo sat perched behind the steering buttons of the ship. Both Luke and Leah had gone to bed, Chewy and 3PO were scattered about somewhere (they always got up to some silly shenanigans on the long trips lol), and the course they were set on showed no signs of any interference ahead. Smooth sailing all the way to the celebration. Han just imagined how great it was going to be seeing the gang again, Lando (the black dude), Wedge (unless he died in the Endor battle…) and that cat fish guy. He tapped his feet and sang quietly to himself. He loved Def Lepperd. He felt the warm sensation around his hand from the space coffee and thought that a single life may not be able to become more content than he is now. Han had reached nirvana… space nirvana.

He was completely comfortable alright, except for one minor detail. He felt a large amount of pressure on his outer thigh from his pocket. He switched to auto pilot (Chewy was off playing board games with 3PO anyway) and pulled a square-shaped box from his pants.



Should I? What would I say? What if she doesn’t like it? Gaw-Geez!



His reflection stared back at him there, in the shiny gold ring and its big diamond. He thought about how beautiful it would look wrapped around her finger, while she stood in a flowing white gown with a bouquet of roses in her arms. They would take each other’s hands in matrimony with vows that each had written as their feet would dig into the sand of a beautiful beach. Han began to breathe heavily and reflect. God he loved her.

Meanwhile in the back bedroom, Leah rode Luke’s man meat like a pogo stick.

“Fuck me brother! DEEPER BROTHER, DEEPER GODDAMNIT!”

“Oh God I’m going to hell!” Luke screamed.

Luke still had his shirt on and Leah was dripping soapy water all over the bed. Her perky breasts jumped around on her chest, like happy children on a moon bounce. Up, down and all over, Luke liked it. They were big, beautiful boobies that ached to be sucked on. He especially liked that from this angle he could not see the awkward birth mark on her ass cheek. Phew, good thing. Luke wanted a hard, strong weiner for his sister.

“Oh Luke!!” she breathed heavily, deep and cavernous “is what we’re doing wrong!?!?”

“OH GOD YES!!” he yelled back at his naked sister.

“GOOD! YES! YES! YES! YES BROTHER!”

In the midst of their screams and bounces on each others naked bodies, a raspy howl came from the closet. “GWAAAAR!! GWAHHWAHWAHWAH!!!!”

Luke and Leah froze, with him still inside of her delicate, shaved vagooina.

“GWAAAAH!!! GWAAAAAAAAH!!”

“Fuck me Freddy!” cried Luke, “someone’s in the closet!”

“There sure is…” Leah said, “NOW GET BACK TO FUCKING ME TWIN BROTHER!”

“Wai.. what?”

“SHUT UP!” Leah screamed and began to gyrate on Luke’s massive, now incestuous, dong.

“No! No! Leah get off!”

“I’m trying to but you keep talking!” She put her hands on his mouth and kept riding him.

“No, no Leah we have to see this. If word gets out that I boinked my sister I’ll be mamed! MAMED SWEET SISTER!”

Luke reached under the mattress and pulled out his light saber. He approached the closet in the nude and heard the heavy groaning from inside.

“GWAAAAH!!! GWAH GWAH!!! GWAAAAH!!!”

“CHEWIE!”

Chewbacca sat in the dark closet, ashamed with his hard animal erection was in his hand, covered in hair.

“OH MY GOD YOU WERE SPYING ON US!... and you’re masturbating!” Luke said, putting his hands on his waist. He was livid enough to forget that his man-meat stood straight out, waving in front of Chewie’s face. The wookie wasted no time, he lept off the floor of the close, with his own massive erection and began sucking Luke’s dick. Hard, fierce and long sucks, tasting Luke’s weiner filled him with wookie-delight.

“Oh God No! This is worse!”

“No no, now you let me play too you bad boys!” Leah had jumped off the bed and come over, wearing a strap on she had hidden in her drawer.

“uhhh… Leah I don’t know abou-…”

“Shut up!” she picked up Chewie’s bent over ass and started ramming him in the butthole with her plastic dildo.

“GWAAAAAAAAH!!!!” Chewie was surprised, but was not about to let Luke’s large love stick out his mouth, in fact he started to like Leah in his rectum very much. He took his left paw and began jerking himself off and rubbing his nipple with his other hand, soft at first, then ROUGH! As rough as his wookie strength would allow!

“Yes! Yes! Now you do me twin brother and hairy-ape!” Leah said, speaking in cavewoman talk. She got down on all-fours and took Chewie’s penis into her mouth, stroking it and spitting on it, even biting it. Chewie didn’t mind though, him and Leah both seemed to like it raw and hard. They should have started doing this months ago! Luke was doing her in the behind, crying because there was poop in there, but also happy because it’s tightening sensation felt wonderful on his meat.

Han, though, sat in the front of the ship, rocking back and forth, and singing his Def Lepperd to himself when the galaxy pasta started to get to him too. A large rumble in his tummy came over him.

“Aww God, the kid was right” Han said laughing to himself “that galaxy pasta sure flies through ya!”

Han got out of his and walked to the back room, holding his stomach the entire way. “Oh God! This one’s gonna be huge!” He limped his way to the backroom, stomach full of feces – ready to burst out his hairy man-hole.

Meanwhile, separated merely by a door, his bride-to-be was getting rammed in the ass by her twin brother and sucking the monstrous, hairy dick of Chewbacca. She heard footsteps.

“Oh shit! Someone’s coming!” she said with a mouthful of wookie-weiner.

“GWAAAAH! AH! AH! AH!”

Han heard Chewie’s loud cries from outside the bedroom door, “Hey Chewie… is that you in there? Where have you been buddy?” he said, turning the door knob while he spoke. The door opened and roughly ten solid beats passed through time while Han stared in heartbroken shock at his girlfriend getting double-teamed by an ape and her twin brother. He crapped his pants immediately. Han felt the warm drips of diarrhea slide down his left leg; it was almost explosive when it was released.

“Le-Leah?” Han spoke, shocked with tears starting to form in his eyes.

“It-It’s not what it looks like Han! I really…” she was interrupted by Chewies ejaculate streaming onto her face.

“GWAAAAAH!!”

“CHEWIE MY GOD!” Han cried “get off her!” Chewie smiled a devilish smile at Han, reached under his fur and pulled out a cigarette.

Leah was still trying to explain it all to Han, her out-of-control libido, her foolishness, but her face was still filled with cum. She couldn’t muster a single thought out and Luke was still pounding her in the ass.

“God Kid get the fuck off her!”

“Oh shit Han’s here!” Luke said, completely unaware of anything going on in the room outside of Leah’s tight butthole. He pulled his weiner out quick. His hard erection stuck straight-out, covered in poop and staring Han right in the face.

“It uhhhh… I uhhh… Well here’s the thing Han” Luke said, trying to make himself sound dignified even with an erection covered in poop.

“There is no thing kid! What in the fuck is going on!?”

“Look, Han it’s got nothing to do with you I swear” Leah said, wiping the cum off her pretty face.

“It’s got everything to do with me…” Han turned silently and slowly, walking back to the cockpit and leaving a trail of runny poop behind him.

He went back to the pilot seat of the Millennium Falcon. The backside of his pants made a squishy noise as he sat down, the poop had mushed around in his jean shorts. He reached into his pocket again and pulled out the engagement ring he was only hours away from giving to Leah. Tears in his eyes became heavy and started streaming down his face. He was sure it was meant to be, but how could he look at her the same way when he knew that precious face he had come to love had been jizzed on by his wookie co-pilot. And then the question rose, how could he live with himself?

He couldn’t, he decided, he absolutely couldn’t. No amount of space therapy could help him regain his mental stability, even the renowned doctors of the Gelganorn sector could not help him. He cried onto the engagement ring before him and smelled the feces that filled his pants.

“Oh God I even shit myself!” Han pulled his blaster from his leg holder. He put the cold barrel of it in his mouth and cried harder than before.

“Fuck you world!” Han screamed with a mouthful of laser blaster and pulled the trigger. His brains flew out his head and splattered all over the wall directly behind him. Blood and mucus were all over the cockpit and ooey, gooey green stuff clogged electronics on the dashboard.

C3PO had heard the blast from the corridor’s he shared with R2D2. He was in the midst of organizing his stamp collection when it rang throughout the ship.

“Oh my Ar 2! I think something is terribly wrong in the cockpit.”

“Bleepity Bleepity Bleep Bleep Snork!”

“Oh hush up will you, was probably an accident after all. Well I best go have a look…”

3PO moved his stiff body through the ship and into the cockpit. He first saw the dashboard, necessary for flying the ship, covered in blood, brains and goo.

“Oh God! THE FLYING INSTRUMENTS!”

He looked further to his left and saw Captain Solo’s body lying back in his rolly chair, a giant smoking crater occupying his face. There next to him was his brain – smoking and bleeding.

“My Dear Deceased Yoda! WHAT HAS HAPPENED HERE!?! AR 2! AR 2 COME QUICK!”

R2D2 had shut down for the night, he was tired from his long journey and tired of fighting against the empire, but most of all he was tired of hearing 3PO holler all day. He guessed he was gay.

“AAAAAAAR 2!” C3PO yelled and his head exploded. His circuits had overloaded with panic and despair. Smoke filled the cock pit.

A still naked Luke and Leah smelled it from their fuck room.

“What is that!?”

“Oh I don’t know Luke… just help me get this wookie cum off my face!”

“Sure thing sis!... Hey can we do that again later?” Luke asked, referencing the pork fest that happened only minutes ago.

“We’ll see, come on let’s go.”



PART 3: Uhhh… MORE SEX!





Flying in his own ship, Dash Rendar (yes, he’s back!) received a message from the Millenium Falcon. It was from C3PO, sent out only seconds before he had died, and it read SNORK! SNORK! DISTRESS DISTRESS IN THE GULGAMEX GALAXY FALCON DOWN!

Dash Rendar (Han’s old buddy and thrower of the much-looked-forward-to reunion party the Falcon was heading to) came bursting through the door and into the smoke-filled cockpit. His big, tough hands on his hips.

“I heard there was a cry for help in here!”

A naked Luke, still erect, looked over at him. “Jumpin Jellyfish! Dash?”

“Yes. Leebo and I received a distress signal from this quadrant.” Dash looked over at his friend’s dead corpse. “MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED HERE!”

“Han caught Luke and Chewie double-teaming me. Luke was pounding my ass something hard and fierece when Han came in. I tried to explain it had nothing to do with him, but Chewie shot hot, white wookie-semen all over my face. I wanted to explain it to Han but I couldn’t concentrate, the cum just felt so good dripping from my face also I loved the great sensation of my twin brother ramming me in the ass. I just felt such enormous pleasure that any attempt I made to explain it to Han went bad. Then I think he saw Luke’s huge erection covered in my poop and he lost it. I was still looking at Chewie smoking a cigarette with a huge boner when I heard this loud noise. I guess he shot himself in face. His brain flew out, it’s right over there. Then I think 3PO’s head exploded after he saw the smoking crater in Han’s face, he couldn’t handle it, he’s always been a little bit of a fairy. Luke and I wanted to keep boning but we ran out here to see what happened and then you came in.”

Dash’s mouth hung wide open.

“Oh yeah, Han crapped himself too” said Leah.

“It’s pretty stinky” Luke said laughing.

They were both still naked, Luke’s proud, masculine weiner waving about in the cockpit. It caught Dash’s attention and he was overwhelmed with confusion, much like C3PO, but instead of his head exploding, he vomited all over the flying instruments and into Han’s gaping crater-face. Dash was struggling to catch his breath as he knelt on the ground while naked Luke continued to giggle at the smell and sight of poop. Naked Leah was leaning against the wall of the ship, the smoke had cleared and she was trying to think of what to do with Han’s dead body and the gooey mess he had left behind. Her eye caught a glimpse of a shiny and glimmering light in the corner next to Han’s rolley pilot chair, it was her soon-to-be engagement ring, lying in a pool of Han’s explosive diarrhea. She bent down and put it on, the brown drips fell off it and tears welled in her eyes. It looked beautiful, wrapped around her finger underneath the flurescent lighting of the Flacon’s cockpit.

My one and only love… he was going to propose. I let him down! I FUCKED MY BROTHER IN FRONT OF HIM. This filled Leah’s head, she broke down immediately, while Luke still snickered at all of this. He had been stuck with an erection for quite sometime though and his balls started to ache very much.

“Leah…” Luke said in a whiny voice “my balls hurt!”

Leah was on the ground, knelt over and naked, looking at her engagement ring wrapped around her finger. Luke suddenly felt awkward asking for a BJ now.

“Oh well!” he exclaimed out loud “I guess I’ll just pleasure myself then.”

His balls ached, but stroking his jedi salami felt great!

“Ooh yeah! That’s how we do it Luky boy!” he said outloud to himself, while Leah still cried on the ground. Dash had now recovered and saw Luke jacking-off in the corner (though still standing up). He was breath-taken, mesmerized by Luke’s throbbing erection.

“C-Can I help you with that?” Dash asked.

Luke stopped mid-motion. A long pause followed.

“Huh?”

“I said may I help you with that young jedi?”

“Well… I’m really almost done, but OKAY!”

Luke stuck his weiner in Dash’s face. “Tee hee” he giggled.

Dash started sucking Luke’s long, hard cock. Up and down the shaft with fierce intensity.

“Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Now tickle my BALLS! But careful, they’re SENSITIVE!”

“As you wish my Jedi master.” Dash said with Luke’s meat in his mouth. The two moaned incredibly loud. Luke almost came all over, but used the force to keep the sperm cells at bay in his ball sack.

Leah was still knelt over crying on the ground when she heard the high pitched moan coming from a few feet away. She had been too wrapped up in her misery to notice the sexual antics occurring, but now she had a full view of it. Instantly, her libido rose up and she felt needlessly attracted to both of those men. She felt wet (down there) and rushed over to Dash who was still on the ground, giving Luke one of best BJ’s of his life. She pulled his pants down, he didn’t fight it either, especially when she started to eat his ass out. He’d never had that done, but he loved it, the sensation flew throughout his veins and once again Luke and Leah found themselves having a threesome with someone Han had cared deeply about.

Leah looked down at her hand and saw the engagement ring staring back at her. She quickly turned it over so the diamond was no longer facing her and she wouldn’t have to be reminded that she was eating out Dash’s asshole with her dead boyfriend’s engagement ring on.

“OH YEAH DEEPER LEAH!” Dash cried.

“I’m so happy we’re doing this again!” Luke yelled.

Chewie would have loved to join in as well, however he had fallen asleep after finishing his cigarette and lay passed out on the bedroom floor.

“Yeah Dash! Me lick butthole! BIG!”

Dash sucked up and down Luke’s long shaft. A strong and powerful sexual ecstasy was drifting throughout the air once again, all with Han’s dead body covered in poop nearby. Luke looked down at Dash on his knees and pulled his cock out just as he was near climaxing, but he splooged all over Dash’s scruffy face.

“Oh gee sorry Dash, I was just so overwhelmed I lost control… sorry sorry!”

Dash was wiping the ejaculate out his eyes while Leah still penetrated his butthole with her tongue. Through the ocean of goo on his face, he looked up and said: “You think I’m done with you yet little man?”

“Wh-what?”

As if instantly, Dash grabbed Luke’s cock and put it back in his mouth, sucking and licking as hard and fast as his 35-year-old body could handle. Luke was hard once again, with his raging penis scraping the top of Dash’s mouth.

The sexual frenzy continued for another half an hour with Dash sucking Luke dry and Leah fiercly eating her way through Dash’s butt crack.



“Gee Dash I’m surprised you’re this excited to see us… I mean our incest DID drive your best friend to suicide…”

Dash took Luke’s hard, blistering cock out of his mouth.

“Well, I’m glad you said something about that before I had to kid…”

“Wait, huh?”

Suddenly Cat Fish guy leaped from the linen closet in the cock pit where he was hiding for some reason.

“IT’S A TRAP!” he yelled.

Dash took Luke’s man meat and bit it as hard as he could.

“YAAAAAAARGH!!”

Leah looked up from Dash’s asshole to see what was happening, to see why her brother was screaming a horrible, screeching scream. She peered around Dash’s large white butt and saw Luke holding his balls with blood flowing from where his penis once was.

“OH MY GOD LUKE!”

Dash turned his head back and sneered at her, smiling devilishly…

“Oh... don’t think you got out of it baby girl…”

Dash put intense pressure on himself and forced a mountain of poop to fly of his asshole all over Leah. She immediately broke into tears.

Luke was screaming and bleeding, Leah was crying and covered in poop, both naked. Dash pulled his pants up and took his space blaster out, pointing directly at Luke and Leah.

“Time to die honkies!”

“Dash! How could you!?” Luke cried.

“You killed my BFF!”

“Yeah but… but… but why’d you suck my dick!?” Luke said amidst Leah’s cries of shame.

“Maybe I just wanted to find out what little boy weiner tasted like…”

“You monster!”

“And hey…” Dash said “what kinda guy is gonna turn down an asshole eating?”

Dash fired a sharp and hot laser at Luke and Leah, their heads exploded in a horrific collaboration of blood and brains. Dash stood back, staring for a moment at the pool of feces surrounding Han and the canyon in his face, the blood from Luke’s missing penis and his own poop all over Leah’s naked body in a pile of her brains. To his right, near the co-pilot chair, lay the smokey remains of C3PO. Dash took out his crucifix and knelt down.

“Bless you C3PO… you were a good soul.”

Dash put on his space gear and floated back to his ship, where Leebo (his robotic side kick) sat in the cock pit, stroking his mechanical weiner.

“Leebo!”

“OH. Sorry sir… It was just getting so steamy in there when I was watching you three go at it.”

“Alright well… Depart from here and I’ll give ya a rim job…”

“Oh sir you are the greatest!”

And the two floated off together, bidding farewell to the now deceased crew of the Millennium Falcon.



PART 4: Evil Slips Through…



R2D2 awoke from his long nap, yawing at first in his adorable robot tone and then looking around the room for his quasi-homosexual counterpart. C3PO was nowhere to be found.

Bleepity Bleep Bloop Blorp he said to himself.

He stretched and yawned however it is that small robots do that and wheeled across the floor. He squeaked and rattled as he did it, his body was tired and loose, in need of a good, clean oil change. But despite his loud squeaks, he entered the cockpit and was remained totally silent.

BLEEPITY BLOOP BLOOP! He yelled while he stared at Luke’s castrated and bloody groin, Leah’s brains on the flying instruments, Han’s missing face and what seemed like an ocean of poop surrounding them all. He immediately deactivated his smell sequence, it was too horrific. And why were they naked? He simply wanted to brush his buttons and he was surprised to find all his human friends dead, naked and covered in feces. But perhaps the most shocking sight was only feet from him. C3PO lay against the wall, charred, smoking and missing a head as Luke and Leah’s bodies were also. He knew he had seen this horrible sight also and could not withstand it. He just knew his friend too well.

R2 stood there silent for a long moment, thinking and contemplating. A door suddenly opened on what would be his robot-chest cavity and a small Mexican midget emerged.

“FINALLY!” he sighed with relief.

Chewie had also awoken from his post intercourse nap and with a lit cigarette in his mouth he came into the cockpit, staring at the grim sight. The midget jumped and was anxious when Chewie entered. The tall ape only stood there in a daze though. What had happened while I was sleeping? He wondered in wookie-talk.

It was then that he noticed that Mexican midget, standing next to an opened R2D2.

“GWAH?”

“Ey Chewbacca… I know dis is a surprise ese, but I thought that they was all dead you know holmes.”

Chewie shrugged “Gwah…”

“It looks like they dead eh?”

He shrugged again.

“Choo know how to fly this thing my man?”

Chewie had no idea, smokin’ all that funny weed as an undergrad had jocked his memory. He shook his head.

“Oh shit are we gonna die too ese!?”

Chewie grabbed the space suits from the closet near-by and held them up for approval from the Mexican midget.

“Oh right on! Oh by da way holmes, my real name is Diego”

“Gwah!”

The two friends knew that the ship was bound to crash, as Chewie was too much of a stoner and the midget was both too short and too Mexican to drive. They strapped their space suits on, opened the cockpit door and leapt into the abyss. Diego and Chewie both looked back at the falling Milleniumm Falcon, about to meet a majestic demise in hyper space, then they looked at one another and each gave a high five.

“Hey holmes you know any good titty bars ‘round here?” Diego said through his space suit.

“Gwah!” Chewie said, nodding confidently.

“Alriiiight!”

Back on the ship, the corpses of Diego and Chewbacca’s friends were beginning to bounce around as the falcon reached the gravitational pull of Tattoine. The planet simply would not let go. It spun quick and fast through the atmosphere of Luke’s home planet and crashed in a horrific blaze of fire into the palace of Jabba the Hut. The most feared and vile gangster in the known Gulgamex galaxy had returned. There he sat high on his throne, satisfying his big monster-hunger with the frogs in his bowl. Watching a dance performance from his favorite hoochie, Jabba took a frog and wet his long creature-weiner with it – the cooling sensation felt good on his hard dick as he watched his new biddy spread her legs and gyrate on the ground.

“Yah Boo DAH Boo Silly Ooby girl! Heh heh heh heh!”

Jabba had now closed his eyes and was pleasuring himself, stroking his long, crooked cock as fast as his stubby arms would allow. His band of reckless bounty hunters wanted to ignored Jabba’s masturbating by leaving the room. Jabba, though, he commanded his men stay and pleasure themselves to this beautiful sight too. All at once a massive circle jerk was occurring around the dancer and seeing the look of horror on her face and the tears in her eyes only made Jabba’s dick more erect.

Suddenly his pleasure was interrupted. His small, rat-like assistant (who until now was presumed to only be able to laugh) whispered in his ear.

“Sir, sir we have a crash in the tower, the Milleniumm Falcon is sticking directly out of the side of the palace…”

“SOLO!” Jabba yelled. His sworn enemy had returned, seemingly by accident and he was quick to order his crew to put their cocks away and investigate the crash, commanding them (in Jabba language) to bring Solo’s body back, no matter the physical condition it may be in.

Bobba Fett and Jengo Fett went with blasters in hand (and hard cocks in pants) to see the wreckage first hand. Sure enough the Millennium Falcon had crashed into the side of Jabba’s palace. At first the thought the great gangster would be disappointed, the entire crew onboard seemed to have burned up in the wreckage flames. Luke, Leah and C3PO lay inside, charred and blackened. They were unidentifiable though, as their bodies were also decapitated. With no hope of finding Solo’s body for Jabba to prize the two prepared to move back to the main jerk-off room again, except one last look revealed a foot hiding behind the boxes of the storage facility. Han Solo’s body had flown out the Falcon’s windshield, crashing safely and neatly into a pile of stored pillows – having not been burned at all. Bobba and Jengo stared at Han’s body, face missing and poop all over his legs, wondering what in the fuck could have ever happened. This was much too perplexing, though nevertheless they brought Solo’s smelly dead body to Jabba who met this with great excitement.

“BLABBITY, BLOOPITY NICKI-WICKI MAN! SOLO ME FERKIE DERP!” he said and smashed the button, opening up the floor allowing the dancing biddy to fall into the Rancor’s lair (she was bitten in half almost immediately). Solo was much more of a prized possession now than a naked blue chick. His body was thrown in the center of the room and once again Jabba demand his army of bounty hunters take their respective cocks out and start stroking. One-after-another the men would ejaculate onto Solo’s faceless body, mixing with the poop on his leg. Jabba, though, was having a blissful time, both jerking off, laughing and talking of memories past with his friends as they did both.

Jabba made sure to carry Han’s body to his private corridors, where that evening he laid the corpse flat onto the floor. BLOP! it went. Jabba made sure the door was locked tightly, for he wanted no one to see him mount Han’s dead body. He prepared his monstrous dick for insertion into Captain Solo’s butthole, climbed atop the body and shattered all it’s bones. The slobbering beast fucked Han’s asshole until he wore himself out and fell asleep on top of the body. This continued nightly for three years.

END.



* Many thanks to Ryan Adams and The Cardinals for their accompaniment in the creation of this story.