You live in San Francisco. Crab season is open. Dating season is open year-round, so grab somebody you love and go pull one of San Francisco’s signatures out of the water with your own hands.

Here’s the best way to do it, without getting pinched by Fish and Game, or getting pinched by the crab. And hey, even if you do get a little handshake from one of the crab, you can wear that scar with pride because if you really love SF, sporting that new scar on your hand will show your admiration for our beautiful City by the Bay a lot more than that “I ? SF” t-shirt.

Mandatory Supplies (in order of importance):

1. Six-pack of good sipping beer ($8).

2. Crab net ($20) and Bait Box ($10). Both sold at the Sports Authority.

3. Bait ($5).

4. Fishing License from the Department of Fish & Game. Buy and print it from your computer here ($14 for a one-day license or $42 for the whole season).

5. Bucket/cooler for crab ($5) and zip ties ($2).

Steps:

1. Stuff It

A commercial crab fisherman of 50+ years gave me this secret about 7 years ago when I first started hitting the docks: Stuff the bait box with chicken, and then put a half-opened can of cat food in with it. After you stuff your bait box, close it, and then zip-tie it shut, because the sea lions WILL open the box and take your bait.

2. Cast It

Tie the rope to the dock (I use a buntline hitch knot); make sure your bait box is securely zip-tied to the bottom of your crab net and then toss your net into the water. Let the net stay in the water for about 10 minutes … or until you see a hungry sea lion swimming around.

3. Retrieve It

After 10 minutes, if the sea lions haven’t already taken your catch, you’re likely to have crab in your net. Keep in mind that these crab are going to be really f***ing pissed off when you’re pulling them out of their home. This is why the six-pack of beer is placed #1 on the list of “Mandatory Supplies.” The experienced crab fishermen to your left and right are your friends, and they enjoy cold beer; offer them a few pops throughout the day and don’t tie your crab net too close to theirs. If you live by those two rules out on the docks, they’ll help you with everything else you need to know, including how to get that mandatory 5-inch-or-wider male crab from your net to your bucket — and eventually to your stomach — without losing a finger. They will also show you how to tell the difference between the males and females and how to distinguish between species.

If you’re the planning type, you can read all the rules here, but I would suggest saving that element of surprise for when you’re on the docks. It all adds to the experience.

4. Eat it

Congratulations, you have taken living in San Francisco to a new level! Now it’s time to clean, cook and crack your catch. For this, I direct you to the World Wide Web to find recipes and techniques.

I cheated and stopped at one of our clients – the Tipsy Pig – where co-owner Nate Valentine let me bring the live crustaceans in the restaurant and chef Daniel Burckhard turned them into this amazing feast (below). Because some things are better when you don’t DIY.

Note: Fishing for crabs inside the Bay is legal, but you have to throw the Dungeness variety back. Rock crabs can be kept, and are pictured above. The full rules are linked to above.