It’s sad that no journalist has ever had the wherewithal or courage to ask Nigel Farage what his favourite Hitler Youth anthem was, back in the halcyon days of his Hitler-worshipping adolescence. Might it have been ‘The Horst Wessel Lied’? ‘Deutschland Erwache!’? Or perhaps gut alt ‘Morgen gehört zu mir’? Maybe somebody, or indeed everybody, should phone him up between 6-7pm on 0345 60 60 973 any day of the week and ask him.

You can bet he’s whistling them all now, in a joyous medley, an overture to the realisation of his wildest fantasies. If Carole Cadwalladr is to be trusted (note to BBC: she is), he and his sugar daddy Arron Banks are cooking up a deal with their far-right ally and fellow Russian gold enthusiast Matteo Salvini (among others) to veto any extension to Article 50. It doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll succeed. After all, Salvini wanted all his life to get to play at being Il Nuovo Duce, and it’s only now, with the support of the single stupidest collection of stupid individuals outside the United Kingdom, that he’s finally achieved his dream. Now he’s got his sights set on being the new Napoleon, or…well, we’ll see. Even if the whole thing turns out to be bluster, the EU is not going to grant the UK an extension just so Theresa May can piss it up the wall. She’s a problem gambler, a terminal alcoholic and an insatiable powerophile who is going to keep trying and failing to force us to eat her shit sandwich of a deal until, well, round about 11pm on March 29th.

That leaves us leaving without a deal. As it happens, the notion of a sustainable “no deal” solution is a myth, a happy-ever-after fairy tale. It would result in immediate and total supplication, with the UK reduced to renegotiating on every conceivable front from a position of such weakness it would be akin to Joe Louis hoping to be awarded the 2019 Heavyweight World Title on points.

I suspect that Farage and his fellow fascist revivalists know that in the event of a crash-out Endlösung Brexit they will have to move very fast to install a regime based on hard power, with May swiftly overthrown and martial law declared amidst conditions of total social and economic collapse. At the dark heart of Conservative politics there is a sense of burning resentment that it was the Germans, not us, who got to strut around Europe in snazzy uniforms playing kill the jew. After all, as Winston Churchill proudly boasted on several occasions, it was we, not the Krauts, that actually invented concentration camps in the first place.

At least, some will say, we can put our faith in Corbyn. To his credit, Jeremy is not actually (unlike his brother*) an anti-Semite. But he is a turdworm, a species of mini-reptile I’ve just invented. First case in point: the day after the referendum, when he set his alarm for 6.15am just so he could go on live TV and call for an immediate and total absence of national reflection. Second case in point: last week, in a speech in Scotland, when he referred to Brexit as a mere “constitutional question”. Yes, Jezzers. A constitutional question. Just like Pinochet’s coup. They did institute a new constitution, although not immediately, because they first spent several years throwing everyone who thought like you out of a fucking helicopter.

Still, this impending total deadlock will hopefully concentrate minds. Excepting, that is, those who don’t actually possess a mind, or a brain, those who have brown rather than grey matter between their ears, aka the second stupidest collection of stupid individuals who have ever existed (closely followed, obviously, from the Movimento 5 Stelle): Lexiters. They’re still out there, leaping onto any passing far-right lies about WTO/GATT24/MADEUPARTICLE365 Brexits, bleating at anyone dozy enough to speak to them about Greece, kidding themselves they’re to the left of Syriza while supporting a cause even the Golden Dawn would acknowledge may have involved at least some right-wing influence.

Labour so far has completely and conveniently ignored the overwhelming evidence that the referendum was won thanks to various innovative forms of cheating. Well, perhaps it might start to maybe think about starting to possibly pay attention to that uncomfortable collection of facts round about now. Also, the People’s Vote campaign needs to set aside its call for a second pretend referendum and instead start screaming and occupying and smashing lots and lots of shit up in support of the only demand that has any actual verdammte meaning right now: REVOKE ARTICLE 50.

*I don’t really know whether Piers Corbyn officially hates Jewish people, but he makes a lot of money lying about climate change, so it’s reasonable to assume he spends a fair amount of time hanging out with the sort of people who also deny the Holocaust.