The latest casualty in the war between the u$ navy and the concept of competence, the u$ guided missile destroyer USS Benfold sustained light damage yesterday after colliding with a Japanese commercial tug boat that lost propulsion and T-boned the nearly 2 billion dollar danger-canoe. Sadly, no one was hurt.

Although Benfold got away with mere scratches, other u$ vessels have not been so lucky. In January, the Antietam, another guided missile destroyer, ran aground off Yokosuka when she anchored too far out in high wind, followed by yet another destroyer, Lake Champlain, who collided with a S. Korean trawler. And yet another, the Fitzgerald, collided with a Philippines-flagged container ship, killing 7 and injuring more. The USS McCain, named for the father of Senator John McCain (who, contrary to my jubilant predictions, has not yet voided his birth certificate, the stubborn fucker), smacked into another merchant vessel, killing 10 and injuring many more, and punching a hole in her hull and flooding several compartments before crew could lock down the areas wherein the sailors were later found. This puts McCain out of the fight for quite some time. A naval spokesman is quoted as saying, “This leaves a real gap in the Pacific fleet’s capabilities at a time when tensions with North Korea are high.” All hail comrade merchant-vessel.

The monstrous, hyper-technological killing machine that is the u$ navy cannot cope with the odd fishing boat. The Pacific ocean is understandably peeved at u$ imperialism, apparently, but herein we light upon a new strategy, one with explosive ramifications for asymmetric naval warfare; namely, to disguise ourselves as sometimes large, but always non-threatening commercial vessels, and the enemy will come to us. We got this.

In all seriousness though, these people are fucking clowns.