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IRISH Water has announced that they will tackle the massive water leak that has crippled the supply to Drogheda with as much pace and enthusiasm as Irish people tackled paying their water bills, WWN can reveal.

Thousands of people in the Meath/Louth area are today entering their fourth day without water, after a burst main at a key water treatment plant in Meath caused shortages to approximately 70,000 homes.

In an official statement on the matter, Irish Water has pledged to sort the problem out later this week, or maybe next month, or after they go on holidays, or whenever they fucking feel like it, frankly.

“Yeah, nobody was calling us when we were looking for payment, but all of a sudden there’s a burst pipe and you all come crying to us,” said a spokesperson for Irish Water, “‘oh, come fix our water for free, we never gave you any money, but now there’s no water at my tap and I need you to fix it’… yeah, we’ll be right there, pal – it’s our top fucking priority.

“Yeah, free water: falls from the sky and goes directly into your taps without any pipework or infrastructure or maintenance. Why would you bother paying for that? And look what’s falling from the sky now, free workmen with free materials to fix the leaks in the free water system. We’ll have you fixed up in no time, promise!”

As the situation unfolds, the government has pledged to ‘not touch this one with a bargepole’, and urged citizens that ‘they’re on their fucking own with this one’.