WARNING: Before reading my experience, I recommend to take part in the meditation course, write down your experience, and reflect on it.

When we know other’s experiences, we are likely to form expectations based on their experiences. This course is valuable to experience without prior inputs. Click here, sign up, and in 4-5 months after you have finished — come on back to this post and have a read.

Welcome back, my little Buddha. How does nirvana feel?

Before my experience at the 10-day Vipassana course, I said I was going to a retreat. Retreat sounds like a vacation. This was not a vacation. It was better than a vacation. It was hard work. Born from that hard work are many rewards. My Personal Capital grew immensely in a brief period.

The daily routine:

Vipassana is meant to rid yourself of craving and aversion. To realize the impermanence of occurrences within life.

Electronics, reading, writing, singing, humming, talking, eye contact, and any other forms of communication with others are prohibited. Most of the things that we would regularly distract ourselves with.

Also to prevent distractions, there are volunteers that do all of the cleaning and cooking. All meals are buffet style. Coffee, tea, and chocolate mix at each meal for beverages. Breakfast and lunch have many options. Breakfast had oats, figs, apricots, bread, jam, butter, yogurt, peanut butter, rice cakes, a yeast spread, fruits, and probably more I am not remembering at the moment. Lunch always had a salad, vegetables, some sort of protein, bread, butter, sesame seeds, and more. Everything was vegetarian and there was always a vegan version. Dinner was only fruits.

The first few days were interesting and easy. I knew going into it that it would be a challenge not to read, write, or communicate. I was mentally prepared for it. Also, being a morning person helped to start each day at 4 AM. I awoke motivated to attempt 10.5 hours of meditation a day because of the science-based benefits.

Simple methods of meditation were practiced the first three days. We focused on our breath, the sensation of the air entering our nostrils, and focused on sensations in small areas. There were three, hour-long, mandatory group meditations each day. The rest of the time we could meditate in our rooms or stay in the Great Hall (where mandatory meditations were).

I found various ways to occupy my time when not meditating. I developed habits that I normally would not. I brushed/flossed my teeth five times a day. I watched squirrels frolic in tree tops for twenty minutes at a time. It felt good to not have my concentration broken by common distractions.

There was a lot of introspection. Without distractions, I had ample time to think. I thought of many people from my past that I wanted to reconnect with, that I wanted to apologize to or have closure with, and many that I simply wanted to ask how they are doing. I pictured my future, how it would look, and how I wanted to live. Having these moments of clarity always brought a smile to my face.

It was fascinating to see how others utilized free time. Some stacked rocks. Others made small trees from twigs and decorated them with various, natural objects found around our walking path. Some took showers or washed clothes. Some meditated more. Some walked extremely slow outside. Some did this without shoes. Many things people did were distractions from their thoughts. I found myself creating more ways to distract myself but I continued to stop myself and come back to the present.

I wanted to write so many things down. If I would have been able to, it would have distracted me from the many thoughts I had. I remembered some things that I wanted to take away from the course by creating a Memory Palace. This setting was a superb opportunity to practice making a few of these Palaces. It worked well! I can still remember the list of ideas I had setting around my house in Waynesboro. I had a Want-to-Google list that I set up in the image of my computer lab from university. Each screen had a different image to remind me of what I wanted to Google once I had a chance.

At night we would watch a video about what we learned that day and sometimes a preview of what we would focus on the next day. At first, the videos were okay. As the course went on, I found myself liking video time more because I was able to hear someone talking. And sometimes the teacher was humorous with his stories and mannerisms. I felt a bit brainwashed. Everything had been stripped from me and the best parts of my day were watching a video for an hour and a half.

On the fourth day, we started learning Vipassana. This was the toughest day for me. We were instructed to sit for an hour without moving. It was called sitting with strong determination. I had not found a good position to sit in yet so I was anxious about keeping the same position for an hour. I knew that I could move if I wanted but I challenged myself to not move. The whole course was to learn impermanence. Hardships come and go. The point is to recognize sensations and let them pass without having craving or aversion towards them. The method is supposed to correlate in your day-to-day life by you not reacting to someone who may be rude or annoying. To me, it had much to do with not reacting in a negative way towards a situation and taking the time to reframe it.

I set my mind to not move during any of the hour long group sittings. I limped away from the Great Hall three times a day but I never broke my position. I am proud of that. I learned a lot about discipline. Waking up early. Sticking to a schedule. Putting in hard work. Knowing that I could get as much out of the course as I wanted to put into it.

I learned how resilient my body is. Each time I stood, my body had aches, but always felt fine a few minutes later. I was learning impermanence through experiential learning.

When I laid down the fourth night, I had a difficult time sleeping. I saw strange visions. It felt a bit hallucinatory. I usually have no problem falling asleep. I believe that all of the meditating was making it more difficult to fall asleep. When I closed my eyes, my brain said, “Oh! The eyes closed again, time to stay alert and focused!” It was tough to take naps and sleep for the first few days but this passed as well.

Each day before the fourth day had been different but after that, the technique did not vary much. The fifth day was my best day because I had a free flow. This is when your body has a tingling sensation throughout. Some described it as their body being electrified. It was interesting to explore how much mind of matter I could use. My skin would itch. Flies danced on my face. My right knee ached. My body trembled. But I was learning impermanence so I knew these obstacles were only temporary and I was able to be immobile.

I could feel people becoming lighter and kinder as the days went on. Even though we were not making eye contact or gesturing to each other, I could feel the kindness growing around me. Small gestures such as holding doors open were becoming more common. People were cleaning their spots after eating. Cutting fruit in half or even smaller portions so everyone could have some of the scarce fruits. We were becoming a cohesive unit to help us all come out of the experience with a more positive outlook and mindset.

By the seventh day, I had some questions about the technique. There is an hour each day to ask questions to the teacher. I signed up and asked my questions. I realized how good I felt to talk to someone. I had not spoke in a week. After I talked to the teacher, I went outside and sat down next to my group leader and he talked to me briefly too. Simply chatting for less than 4-5 minutes re-energized me and put a smile on my face.

On the ninth day, I signed up again to ask questions, just to chat. I had a couple of questions but I really wanted the joy of speaking again. I was happy to speak and it looked forward to the next day when I could talk to those people I had been around for 10 days and said nothing to.

When we were able to talk, I thought it would be a slow progression for people to start talking again. But once silence was broken, I could barely hear my roommate talk from two feet away. Everyone was excitedly chatting about their experiences.

I realized that sometimes I judge people too soon. I had seen the actions of others all week and made judgments about what kind of people they may be. I was already guessing who may be interesting to talk to after the course. In some cases, my assumptions were right. In others, not so much. Assumptions are difficult not to make but it is not fair to others to make so many assumptions towards them. There is something to learn from everyone. No one knows everything. It is best to give someone a chance before discounting them within a few moments of meeting.

My predominant takeaways were impermanence, discipline, and reinforced a notion that I previously had — relationships are important. I value my lifestyle and what I want in life very much but I do not wish for those things so bad that I would forfeit relationships to have them. Interacting and sharing with others is the most beneficial aspect of life for me.

Something that was reinforced a lot for me is to accomplish my goals. But to make my goals SMART.

The course helped me to bring back focus on making attainable goals. An example: Write one sentence for my memoir about Colombia tomorrow before breakfast. If I do this, I am sure to write more than one sentence. Getting started is the key. But if I were to not do it and justify why I did not, then it easy to always use excuses not to do it in the future as well. This can have a compound effect. I learned to make small goals towards a long term goal that is relevant to my future.

Not only did I realize to make attainable goals, but goals that correlate to my future. I set a list of goals last year but I realized that some were not as relevant as I initially thought. I have made a new list of goals for the year and made sure they fit the SMART parameters.

This course was (and is) effective in bringing change to my life. I consider it a milestone. From others I know who have participated, they feel the same. I had to work hard for it. It brought a sense of accomplishment. I departed wanting happiness for everyone. It has made me a better person. I left with more confidence in myself. I am more peaceful, more thoughtful. It has been two and a half months and I continue to feel these feelings. I still think back and realize more things I learned. I believe the course will continue to improve me because of the skills and tools I received from participating.

Let us always remembering that there will be bad and good times. Realizing that to know happiness, we must know sorrow. Otherwise, everything would be neutral. If we can balance our emotions. When the roller coaster of life hits a low in the track, remember that it is only temporary. That better times are bound to come. We can not control everything in our lives but we can control how we react to it.

We do not all need to be Buddhas. We can be fair and kind to each other.The rest will fall into place.

Thanks for your time, dear Reader. Happy meditation. Until next time.