BOSTON, MA — The surprise of the previous season, Kemono Friends, is a happy little anime that’s taking the world by storm. From massive amounts of fan art to boosting actual zoo visits, the series about adventuring animal friends has become a bigger phenomenon than anyone could have predicted. Anime Maru spoke to a local 33-year-old man Ted Grimes, who insisted on calling us “friends”, in order to finally find out what exactly makes the series so appealing.

“It’s so much more than your average anime,” Grimes explained. “I’ve learned more about the mating habits of moose than I’ve ever learned in school. Not only that, but there’s an entire hidden intriguing layer behind the cutesy surface. And aside that there’s uh… lots of cute characters that have animal ears.”

When pressed for more details, Grimes suddenly broke down into tears. It turns out that all this time, he has had a hidden layer of his own.

“I cannot live this lie any longer. I don’t understand what supposedly makes the series any good. The show is shit and I only watched it for memes and to fit in, okay?”

Grimes is just an another victim – one of the countless people too afraid to reveal they dislike the series in fear of being discriminated against. This is a dark reality many visitors have had to live through during the past season.

“Every week I anxiously waited what kind of reaction I had to fake. Episode 11 was the worst, some characters got slapped by the bad guys and the episode ended with a cliffhanger. I had to pretend to be worried for their safety, even though it was painfully obvious nothing bad was going to happen in a series aimed at children,” Grimes lamented to Anime Maru. “So many people are praising the series that there must be something else than just the furry porn, right? Most vocal fans seem to be full-grown men, why are they even watching the series in the first place? Does it have something to do with how Otter has a practically exposed butt?”

Interview with the emotionally damaged Grimes came to an end, but even the short time we shared has been enough to understand the sad act he must now frequently perform. The lingering touch of Kemono Friends still remains like an overture for the strange new era Grimes cannot begin to understand, an era much less about enjoyment or “fun”.

“It’s fully 3DCG for Christ’s sake. Usually that’s been enough to instantly brand a series as unwatchable. I simply don’t understand anything anymore.”

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