I must admit something straight off the bat. I forgot Triple M existed. It has been a while since I’ve been around white men aged 45 and over. I know that white men aged 45 and over need a safe space, and I’m glad it still exists in Triple M. They announced yesterday that they were going to give what “you’ve asked for.”

It’s not clear who “you” is or when “you” have asked for this, or if Triple M is the station people were asking it from, but they insist on delivering. I know a lot of people have criticised it online, but I must admit I would probably love a lot of the music they play because I love Cold Chisel. I love Creedence Clearwater. I love the Eagles. I love AC/DC. I love daggy music that your dad listens to drunk.

Triple M, I imagine, are responding to what they perceive is political correctness. It is a reaction of a group of people who feel like they are losing something. It’s the radio equivalent of one of Mark Latham’s Save Australia Day videos. It’s the radio equivalent of hard-hitting journalist Samantha Armytage slamming Darebin city council’s decision to dump Australia Day in her interview with the mayor of Darebin city council, Kim Le Cerf.

The thing is they haven’t lost anything. Triple J is still keeping the Hottest 100, they have just moved it to the next day. Many people saw this as cause for celebration. I was not so optimistic. Their programming on the day will be a show of patriotism, possibly even more so now that it has shifted. In ABC’s own words, they are “freed up to celebrate Australia Day as its own event too.”

Not once in their statement about the Hottest 100 date change did they say explicitly that this was out of respect for black people. Not once did they refer to invasion. It was cloaked in vague sentiments about inclusivity. Triple M’s statement did not mention black people either. Things like Australia Day have become proxies for the “culture wars”. Like the cold war, different issues are taken up with progressives and conservatives, and sacrifices are made to get wins.

The sacrifices that are made are nuance and the thornier issues become unspoken. In the case of the marriage equality plebiscite, it was often trans people who could not be mentioned even though they were largely the people being thrown under the bus. The no side insisted that it was all about gender, Safe Schools Coalition Australia and the children while the yes side was forced to say it was just about marriage and love. This meant that trans people were collateral and were barely mentioned by the yes while constantly being attacked by the no.

In this case the unspoken topic has been black people. In order for ABC to get this across they couldn’t mention black people, and because the ABC didn’t name black people, neither have Triple M. It’s sad that considering black people and taking our genocide into account when planning events is considered politically correct. It’s sad that people and radio stations think that naming black people as a consideration is politically toxic. The inescapable truth though is that you cannot both celebrate the formation of Australia and truly respect Aboriginal people and our loss at the same time. Celebrating Australia Day means foregoing empathy for black people.

If this country is mature and wants to take responsibility for how it was formed and whose land was stolen and whose blood was shed, it needs to be honest with itself. We need to be able to name that the collateral in these conversations and in celebrating Australia is black people. We need to be able to hold space for black pain and trauma in the public domain. Celebrating Australia and its formation necessarily celebrates black genocide and land theft. The inability to acknowledge this is denial. This denial exists to protect white Australians and how they see themselves.

This whole debacle smacks of intergenerational sledging which is also boring. We get it, avocado eating hipsters who make music on their laptops suck! They are talentless hacks, and the world would be better without laptops! Neither Barnsy nor Mozart had laptops. Triple M are probably still using fax machines to communicate.

Triple M could have just done nothing. They could have just released a statement that they were disappointed when the ABC first made the announcement. Instead they have opted to invest in a countdown. From a commercial perspective, it probably has done what they wanted it to do. For a radio station that caters almost exclusively to people who are dying out, this helps them stay relevant and generates new listeners. What it signals is that they stand for Australian values and whiteness.

Ultimately though, I think this stunt will backfire. Triple J will still get its Hottest 100 listens, albeit a day later. For most people Triple M’s announcement looks like a desperate plea for attention and comes across as tacky and embarrassing. Triple M seems to be the drunk uncle at the wedding, and you just want him to shut up and go home.

• Nayuka Gorrie is a Kurnai/Gunai, Gunditjmara, Wiradjuri and Yorta Yorta freelance writer