Melee is Sick and I hate(love) it





Today is a Saturday, March 16th. I had just lost at a regional where I was the number 1 seed in. I was upsetted in winners and reverse 3-0’d in losers. After losing I had the urge to just toss my controller into the garbage and quit. Just quit right there. I’m over this losing business. All I do is go to tournaments and choke.

I didn’t throw it in the garbage however. Instead I decided to pause that thought and verbally vent my frustration to my friends and not quit. The cycle continues. Their will certainly be another tournament where I will do the exact same process of feeling extreme displeasure of losing. But this time I’m gonna be different about it. I need to acknowledge how melee has been affecting me mentally. I have lost in similar fashions time and time again and I know fully well that it’s my fault but where should I begin?



First off. Stop saying that you’re going to quit.



I know I’m not going to quit so why even put that fantasy into my brain? Does it make me feel any better? No. It makes me feel worse honestly. What that does is actually continue a toxic mindset of a quitter mentality. If I were to quit just because of a loss that probably means I’m just tired of losing. To be fair I don’t play this game to lose and I’m sure no one does, that's why I was eliminated. Their can only be one person at a tournament who won’t end up being salty in the end and that is the winner of the tournament. So to say I’m going to quit because of a loss... that really means is that I’m quitting because I did not win the tournament.



You didn’t win the tournament. Did I get worse?



No you didn’t. What it means is that you have a lot you can improve on. Whether it’s mentality or in game there is something that could and should be worked on. If you did win the tournament that doesn’t necessarily mean you are at your best either. Could I have won if I had to play x player? Could I have won if I dropped a certain game against some other player? There is so many possible outcomes to a tournament that could test you in many different ways. Some tests are harder than others and not everyone takes the same exact test, if you had studied for one thing and got a test that was different than you expected could you still ace it? The answer to that is probably “no.” but what I need to strive for is the ability that I can say “yes.” with confidence, and I think in the end that’s what's probably more important than the test results itself.



Do you want to be the best or do you want to win?



What a weird question right? Of course it’s both. But I think we can all agree there is a healthier option, which is “being the best.”. The best doesn’t win every single time. In fact winning every single time is probably boring for them. Why play when you know the outcome? You don’t sit down with the worst person at the tournament and destroy them and feel good about yourself after. You probably won’t ever remember them or those games. Ok but you don’t wanna lose either so what exactly am I saying? What am I saying is that challenge is the only thing that can validate why you are playing. The loss or the win does absolutely nothing but hurt or inflate your ego. If that was a real challenge and you won, you should feel great about yourself and get ready for the next one. If you lost you should try to understand why and get ready for the next one. Notice how in both scenarios you have to do the same thing in the end, which is prepare for your next challenge.



Why am I not improving?



The better question is “Why do you think you’re not improving?” If it’s because you are not winning then congrats you answered your question in the worst way possible. Your improvement has a lot more to do then the result and even feeling this way could spark some underlying problems. Is it because your friend is now better than you? Is it because that guy you’ve beaten your entire life finally took a set? Why don’t you think you are not improving? Comparison is a tool for motivation but can become a weapon against yourself. Right now this is how I feel, I feel like I haven’t improved or I have gotten worse. But the reason for this is because I have lost. If I had won would I think I have improved? The answer to that would be yes. But again, what If I just won all the time? How many wins until I think I haven’t improved? I’m now currently ranked inside the top 50 and I can say that I don’t think I have improved at all. The reason for this is because I’ve only atoned my success to my wins. Nothing else. Not to the fact that I practiced certain combos so much that I could practically do it with my eyes closed. I only started to succeed once I have acquired many failures, this time it should be no different. At this point I’ve been running a marathon and it’s like my shoelaces became untied, and I’m more worried about tripping over my shoelace and falling than I am finishing the race. If I were to trip I could always get back up, but since I haven’t exactly fallen yet I only see the possibility of falling and losing the marathon.



Why do I play?



…

Melee is the best game I have ever played and it will always be. The game has brought me so much joy. The happiness that I get when I play is quite magical. My mannerisms while playing are so much different than how I normally am. I play to have fun. There will never be another game where I would sit down and type out this much regarding the game.



I love melee and that is why I play.



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