Scientists at the World Health Organization who normally study microplastics have shifted their research to larger macroplastics after millions of Americans have admitted to eating their credit cards.

“We cannot stress this enough,” head researcher Franz Blankenmann stated, “eating your maxed-out credit card does not forgive the balance owed.”

At this point scientists estimate the average US citizen is ingesting 290 grams of macroplastic per year and experts have no idea what harm it may cause.