"I won."

"No, I'm pretty sure I did."

"My score was higher, than yours."

"Yeah, well… I broke more rows than you!"

Sometimes, after a game, there was no winner that could be picked, or rather, there was a dispute about who had actually won. Since neither Ruby nor Pyrrha were going to budge, especially with who got to be the big spoon for the night on the line, they needed a mediator.

"Jaune," Pyrrha's partner glanced up from the comic book he was read, "who should win; the person who completes more lines," emerald eyes flickered towards Ruby for a moment, "or who got the higher score?"

"I-"

"Hold it!" Ruby pointed accusingly at Jaune, loud enough that everyone else in the room looked at her, causing her to wilt slightly under the attention. "She's your partner, obviously you'll pick Pyrrha!"

"But I don't even know what this is abou-"

"No he won't, Jaune is very unbiased, right Jaune?" The tone in which Pyrrha had said it was making it abundantly clear that he should say yes. Yet Ruby knew that game well.

"I think we should get someone who won't pick favourites to decide, someone who would never ever rig who won unfairly-"

"We aren't using your sister."

"That wasn't who I was thinking of!" Especially since I'm pretty sure Yang is still annoyed at me for scratching her poster… it's not like she can't get another one! "I'd like to nominate-"

"-or Weiss."

Ruby gasped loudly, as she put her hand over her chest, feigning hurt. "How dare you say anything about Weiss' honour, I'll-"

"Ruby, she's your partner."

"Ugh, fine." Ruby crossed her arms as she pouted. "Then who do you think it should be?"

"Hmm." Pyrrha tapped her chin a few times. "Well, if any our teammates are out of the question…?" Ruby nodded, prompting Pyrrha to continue. "Then we need someone who is truly and completely unbiased, someone who can't be coerced or bribed…"

"Aha!" Ruby jumped up and onto the bed. "I know exactly who it should be!"

"So explain to me once more why the two of you needed to talk to a professor in the middle of the night and how it's so urgent that it couldn't wait until morning?" Professor Goodwitch let out a long, pained sigh, while Professor Port and Doctor Oobleck looked on with interest.

Truthfully, Ruby hadn't expected them to run into more than one professor, let alone three; she was already beginning to regret the plan.

It was simple, really, who was the most unbiased and incorruptible people on campus? Clearly the people who teach at it. At the time, it had sounded like an excellent idea. However seeing the clearly annoyed look in Glynda's eyes was making her second guess herself.

"Well you see, um, we were having an argument and Pyrrha suggested Jaune, but since he's her partner, I didn't think that was fair, but she didn't think anyone I picked was fair either, even if it was Weiss, so we were like 'who doesn't play favourites?' and we ended up here!"

Three sets of eyes were focused on her, as each one of the teachers were trying to work out what exactly Ruby had just said in one long jumble of words.

"We have a, uh, issue that requires we find someone who wouldn't pick sides," Pyrrha summarized after a moment. "So we came here."

"An issue you say?" Port stroked his moustache. "Well, I've settled many disputes between many huntsmen and huntresses, so what is this over?" Ruby felt shame under his watchful eyes. "Is it related to a boy, per chan-"

"Peter!" Glynda's voice stopped him. "Let the poor girls explain!"

However, Ruby was having trouble vocalizing, a problem that Pyrrha seemed to mirror.

"Oh!" Doctor Oobleck snapped his fingers. "It's obviously an academic question! I mean what bright young students hasn't laid awake in bed, sweating for hours, trying to figure out the answer to a complex problem posed in their homework, only for the mental strain to become too much and they have to know RIGHT NOW!" The green blur finally stopped before he straightened his tie. "Unfortunately, you'll just have to wait until class in the morning, I don't give answers out earl-!"

"That's not it, profe- I mean doctor." Pyrrha corrected herself, as her hand tightened around Ruby's. "It's more of a personal matter, not an academic one…"

"Personal matter? Like who has a higher kill count?"

"No, its…" Ruby could hear Pyrrha gulp, "It's about us."

"Well that sounds-wait." Port's eyes widened, Ruby finally seeing them open for the first time since she had started at Beacon. "Come again?"

"Clearly Miss Nikos is referring to the relationship she has with Miss Rose." Doctor Oobleck adjusted his glasses. "Right?"

Both the girls nodded.

Oobleck and Port glanced at each other before looking at Goodwitch.

"I seemed to have run out of coffee-"

"-Edgar needs his evening meal else he'll get rancorous-"

"-Professor Goodwitch would be more than be capable in helping you two, after all, it's her office-"

"-stay vigilant!"

With that, the door slammed shut, leaving Pyrrha and Ruby alone with Glynda, who was by this point looking like she was about to throw the desk that she was seated at through the wall. Ruby shot a troubled glance at Pyrrha, who was clearly trying to put on a brave face for the both of them.

Eventually the professor let out a sigh before facing the two with a surprisingly calm and almost gentle expression. "So, what seems to be the problem?"

"H-Have you played Tetris before?"

The older woman frowned. "Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Is completing more lines or getting a higher score, better?"

The gentle look became an annoyed glare. "Score." Ruby let out a defeated sigh, and Pyrrha let a small but proud smirk onto her lips. "Can we get back to the issue at hand? I don't have time for superfluous questions."

"But that was it."

"…I beg your pardon?"

"We needed to figure out who won so someone could be the big spoon." Silver eyes widened in horror as Ruby realized what she had just said. "I mea-uh…" The eyes of a confused tiger were staring at them – the moment the confusion ended, they were dead. "…bye!"

Rose petals took their spot as Ruby bolted from the room with Pyrrha in tow.

"…I need a drink."

AU: Not my best work, but I still think it's quite amusing.

If I had to say one fault with the chapter, it's that I probably was jumping around too fast, and could have spent double the amount of words to really flesh it out. Basically I wanted the profs to assume that they were having relationship issues and split, and Glynda buckled up for being a guidance counselor except the issue was actually super simple...

ANYWHO, DILATION AND ACCEPTANCE UPDATES IN A FEW HOURS, GET HYPED!

That's… that's all I got for now, see you in a few hours for the next update!

For those who only read Spoon Equality, I hope you have a wonderful day and thank you for reading! :D