Don’t forget the lube (Picture: Dave Anderson for Metro.co.uk)

When I mentioned on social media that I was writing a feature about pegging, there was a whole heap of confusion.

Lots of people couldn’t understand how anyone could get an entire article out of how you hang your laundry.

Historical Sex: Sex toys have existed for longer than you can imagine

Only a few knew the truth and they just sniggered quietly at the back, and waited for the innocents to finish Googling and come shrieking back with very surprised expressions on their faces.

In case you didn’t know already, pegging – in this context, at least – refers to the act of donning a strap-on dildo in order to have penetrative sex with another person.




Although there are variations on the theme, it is most commonly a woman wearing the dildo and a man on the receiving end, so I’m going to stick with the ‘woman penetrates man’ scenario for the purposes of this piece.

The term ‘pegging’ is relatively recent, having only been coined in 2001 by the readers of the Savage Love sex advice column.

But as a sexual act, it has existed long before that and is mentioned by the Marquis de Sade in his infamous book ‘Philosophy In The Boudoir’, which was first published in 1795.

Interestingly, I’ve always found women to be more nervous about trying pegging than men are, usually just because it’s so completely different to the role women usually play during sex.

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

But there really isn’t anything scary about it – and swapping places so completely can be one hell of a thrill.

So why do so many men – of any and all sexual orientations – enjoy being on the receiving end?

The answer lies just a couple of inches inside their butt, with the prostate gland.

I asked Renee Denyer of Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium to explain the mechanics of male prostate enjoyment.

Sh! offers (fully-dressed!) classes on how to choose and use strap-ons for women and couples at their Hoxton store, if you want extra information and education.

More and more men are opening up to the pleasure potential of their P-spot. It’s the male version of the female G-spot and offers a whole new level of orgasmic pleasures. Historically, it was mainly lesbian couples who visited Sh! for strap-ons, but we’re almost at 50/50 with female/male couples now – just goes to show how far we’ve come! The P-spot is located approximately 3-inches in, towards the front of the body. I recommend that the receiver (the guy, in this instance) does the moving – that way he can move and flex his hips in ways that feels comfortable for him. A good position to start in is ‘hips above head’ – it might sound tricky but it’s really not. If he’s on all fours, his head should be flat on the bed and his ass in the air. If he’s on his back, again make sure head is on the bed and place a couple of pillows under his hips to lift up higher for easier penetration. Bear in mind the rectum is a sort of elongated S-shape rather than a straight canal – you need to bend and move to accommodate this; it’s what I refer to as ‘finding your inner dick’. Don’t try to push in more than he can comfortably accommodate, and pay attention to his face and body language for signs of discomfort. Don’t worry if he loses his erection – he’s just focusing on a different type of pleasure.

Anal stimulation really is far more popular among straight men than you might realise – luckily we’re all becoming far more open about the many and varied ways of having sexy fun, and men seem to have finally got to grips with the idea that playing with their butts doesn’t mean they’re gay (yes, I know being gay is not a negative thing but we all know someone who panics and looks defensive at the merest suggestion of back door fun time).

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

So if you’re a woman whose partner suggests hopping on and riding him like a pony, don’t freak out – this is your opportunity to have some seriously sexy fun.

We asked six guys whether they like a finger up the bum

Obviously you will need a strap-on harness and a dildo to go with it.

A word of warning – not all harnesses are equal and some are absolutely terrible.

Unless you are very slim, look for a harness with long straps that give plenty of room for adjustment.

I’m a UK size 16 and the best I’ve found so far is the Elite Universal Harness from Fetish Fantasy – it’s heavy duty, comfortable to wear and really will fit just about anyone.



You’re not restricted to harnesses – many manufacturers now produce underwear that includes an O-ring (the part that holds the dildo), such as these from Packer Gear.

You can even get ‘strapless strap-ons’ such as this beauty from Swan, where one end is held internally and the other works as a standard dildo. Or try the rather aptly named ‘Bend Over Boyfriend’ from Bondara – the reviews certainly make for interesting reading.

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

If you decide to stick with the traditional strap-on, there really is an endless choice of dildos, so shop around – and talk to your partner first.

If you’re indulging with someone who’s done this kind of thing before then they’ll already know what they like, so listen to them.

You might well find they already own the necessary kit – plenty of people do, even if they don’t discuss it publicly.

If you’re both beginners, start small – you can always work your way up later when you’re both more confident. Love Honey sell a slimline dildo that is small enough to not be intimidating.

Stock up on lube, because you are going to need it. Lots of it. There is no such thing as too much lube when you’re planning to push a dildo into an orifice that has no self-lubrication whatsoever.

And put a towel or old sheet down, just in case.

Which brings us to:

A quick word on butt sex So long as the person on the receiving end has been to the loo and had a shower to make sure everything’s as clean as it can be, it is very unlikely that pegging will be a messy business. The rectum is the lowest section of the colon, and it acts as a sort of reservoir – it only contains waste matter when you need to go the toilet and at all other times it is empty. So do the basic preparations and then forget about it. Of course accidents sometimes happen, but we’re all adults here and potential poop is a fact of life – if you’re horrified at the idea of someone else’s bodily fluids then you probably shouldn’t be getting jiggy with them in the first place.

Condoms are a good idea, which often surprises people – but they make the clean up operations a hell of a lot easier and they also give protection against bacteria, which could potentially be harboured by some sex toys.


For the same reasons, you should keep pegging toys separate from the rest of your kit – however well you clean them, they really shouldn’t be used for anything else.

Take things slowly and talk to your partner.

Keep talking – discuss what feels good, what doesn’t, whether a different position would be better.

Although it’s often easier for the woman to kneel behind her partner in a classic doggy position, a man is likely to get more pleasure if he lies on his back and pulls his legs up towards his chest, because the dildo is more likely to press onto his prostate that way.

If you’re the giver, then be careful – never go faster or harder than you’re asked too.

Pegging can be an incredibly intimate way of getting to know your partner’s deepest desires and you might well be surprised at their reaction – it really is possible for men to orgasm from prostate stimulation alone, which is pretty impressive by anyone’s standards.

If you’re on the receiving end for the first time, then lie back and enjoy it.

Relax and allow yourself the luxury of indulging in something that will feel very different to anything you’ve done before.

Handing over the dominant role can be a very liberating experience and it’s one you might both find you like more than you thought you would.

Happy pegging!

Violet Fenn is a freelance writer and blogger. She can be found at Sex, Death, Rock’n’Roll.


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