Last week’s series of protest in Chicago in response to the police shooting death of 17-year-old black teenager Laquan McDonald was crawling with communists.

Old, white agitators from the Revolutionary Communist Party — a far-left Maoist outfit which advocates violent insurgency — led a protest throughout the downtown area which featured much chanting and a stop at the sleek Trump International Hotel & Tower.

A second communist group that was out in force for the week of protests was the Progressive Labor Party. Its members did not lead protests. Instead, they distributed black-and-white newspapers — a perfect metaphor, really, for the outdated historical relic of communism.

A small, energetic black woman provided The Daily Caller with a copy of the November 25, 2015 edition of the Challenge, the Progressive Labor Party’s small broadsheet (printed in English and Spanish but micro-aggressively insulting Spanish speakers by making the identical Spanish section a clearly secondary insert).

Curious — and bored out of its mind over Thanksgiving — TheDC read the English section of “the revolutionary communist newspaper of the Progressive Labor Party” cover to cover.

Here are 17 things TheDC learned:

1.) America’s tiny, sad band of Progressive Labor Party members believe they will stir — and somehow lead — a violent coup to overthrow every country’s government and take over the entire world. “Only the dictatorship of the working class — communism — can provide a lasting solution to the disaster that is today’s world for billions of people. This cannot be done through electoral politics, but requires a revolutionary movement and a mass Red Army led by PLP.”

2.) Under communism, the world will do away with prices and currency. “There will be no money or wages. Incentives will be political, not material. We will work to serve our class.”

3.) The Progressive Labor Party’s opposition to prices doesn’t prevent it from charging prices for its newspaper. The fine print explains that a six-month subscription costs $10. Like any good group of capitalists, the party offers big savings if you buy more of their stuff. “One Year: $15.” However: “$35 for institution.” Stick it to the man! The address where you can send checks is a post office box in Brooklyn, N.Y.

4.) America’s radical communists believe the 2016 presidential nominees will be imperialist lapdogs Hillary Clinton and Marco Rubio. “For the moment, at least, the bosses are leaning toward Rubio as the Republican nominee.” “On the Democratic side, the warmakers’ current choice is Hillary Clinton. A reliable servant of U.S. imperialism as Barack Obama’s former secretary of state.” The Progressive Labor Party holds a grudge against Clinton for engineering “the mass slaughter of workers in Libya in 2011.”

5.) Bernie Sanders is a puppet for the conservative establishment. “The liberal Democrat ‘insurgent,’ Bernie Sanders, is in fact a pro-imperialist tool of the same establishment that now favors Rubio.”

6.) Requiring welfare recipients to work to continue receiving taxpayer funds if they are able is “slave labor workfare.”

7.) Capitalism exploits white people, sure, but it super-exploits black people, Hispanics, Asians and other minorities. “Capitalism uses racism to super-exploit Black, Latin, Asian and indigenous workers, and to divide the entire working class.” Also, of course, capitalism is an entity with power to act, the way death is the serial killer in the “Final Destination” movie series.

8.) A letter to the newspaper ostensibly from a student arrested after a protest urges that large numbers of people who disagree with the Progressive Labor Party should be imprisoned. “Taxing the rich isn’t enough. If we want to have a university, a society and a world that serves the needs of working people, it’s the capitalists and their political servants who need to be put in prison.”

9.) The Brookings Institution is a “pro-imperialist think tank.”

10.) The communist dictatorships in Russia and China were not actual communist dictatorships because they were insufficiently fanatical. “Capitalism returned to Russia and China because socialism retained many aspects of the profit system, like wages and privileges. Russia and China did not establish communism.” The Progressive Labor Party offers no official judgment of economic basket case North Korea.

11. The Progressive Labor Party is totally against “all imperialist war” but totally for “revolutionary class war.” The newspaper does not explain the vital difference between these two kinds of war.

12.) Despite their belief that Russia engaged in fraudulent communism, America’s communists revere Vladimir Lenin for freeing “one-sixth of the world’s surface from capitalism.” The Progressive Labor Party also flatly refuses to believe that millions of people starved to death under the Soviet Union’s failed policies. “In the 1930s, when the entire capitalist world sank into depression, and tens of millions worldwide were left jobless and starving (much like today), the Soviet Union was forging ahead with building a new society without unemployment and hunger.” Also, Joseph Stalin “is reviled to this day” because he fought the Nazis.

13.) Bill Maher is full of “anti-Muslim zealotry.”

14.) A November Progressive Labor Party study group attracted 13 participants. “On November 9, the study group discussed the idea of ‘Don’t vote, revolt.’ This study group was one of our largest yet, with 13 participants in all, including several new people.” “We distributed 200 newspapers, including one to a person who came out because his friend texted him that the communists were outside with their paper.”

15.) The Progressive Labor Party describes a miniscule protest attended by perhaps two dozen people in Worcester, Mass. as an uprising that shook the city to its core. “We supported college students in leading a citywide walkout and blocking traffic. We also participated in militant meetings at Worcester City Hall. The city government was shaken by this resurgence of student militancy and feared the outbreak of rebellion. In an effort to undermine the coalition, the city created a new position of chief diversity officer.”

16.) Hugo Chavez just wasn’t enough of a hardcore communist. “Pseudo-leftist groups have not learned history’s lessons and continue to fight for nationalist ‘sharing or power’ with capitalists, a la Venezuela’s Chavez, not for the working-class seizure of power and the dictatorship of the proletariat.”

17.) Members of the Progressive Labor Party demand control over everything and everyone in the entire world. And they enthusiastically urge you to get in on the ground floor. “Communism means the Party leads every aspect of society. For this to work, millions of workers — eventually everyone — must become communist organizers. Join Us!”

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