RWW’s Paranoia-Rama takes a look at five of the week’s most absurd conspiracy theories from the Right.

Following a much needed mental health break, Paranoia-Rama is back! However, there may not be much time left for us since, as Michele Bachmann explained this week, the Battle of Armageddon is imminent.

5) The End Times Are Upon Us

Ever since leaving Congress, Michele Bachman has tried to warn people that President Obama is ushering in the apocalypse — with the help of gay rights advocates, of course.

Bachmann found her latest proof in a story that emerged from a Kuwaiti newspaper known for its fallacious reporting, which claimed that Obama will try to become secretary general of a newly powerful United Nations. By creating a “global world order,” Obama will then pave the way for a Russian-Iranian invasion of Israel, just as laid out in the Bible.

One of the two radio hosts speaking with Bachmann strongly hinted that Obama will even emerge as the Antichrist.

4) Obama’s Not The Antichrist, But…

The Kuwaiti newspaper’s article about Obama seeking the top UN post has stirred enough chatter that it prompted one End Times expert to release a statement clearing things up. Steve Magill, author of “Revelation and the Age of Antichrist,” said that the Antichrist will arise out of Syria, precluding the possibility of it being Obama.

Nonetheless, Magill’s press release went on to speculate about Obama’s role in the End Times.

“Obama is an antichrist, but not the Antichrist,” it read. “What is Obama’s role in prophetic history? Magill’s book, ‘Revelation and the Age of Antichrist,’ is clear that Obama’s role is to lead America, as one of the Antichrist’s voices, to eventually assimilate into the Antichrist’s kingdom referred to in Scripture as the ten toes, ten horns, and in today’s lingo, referred to as the New World Order, which is the realignment of all nations into ten political/economic regions.”

3) Obama’s ‘Waging Jihad’

Another End Times broadcaster, however, thinks Obama will have a tough time achieving world domination … since he’ll be rotting in jail.

Rick Wiles told his “Trunews” listeners that he’s been praying for Congress to remove the president from office and that a court will one day sentence him “to prison for his bloody crimes against humanity.”

His crimes, according to Wiles, include “waging jihad against the United States from inside the White House” and aiding the genocide of Christians in the Middle East.

2) Abortion Rights Linked To Blizzard

Conservatives may be fond of denying climate science, but they do seem to have no problem linking weather events to things like gay marriage and abortion.

Take, for example, the recent blizzard that pounded the northeast.

In a joint statement, several anti-choice activists including Mike Bickle of the International House of Prayer, Pierre Bynum of the Family Research Council and Alveda King of Priests for Life had a message for the Supreme Court: Allow state anti-abortion laws to fall, and God will respond with snow.

These leaders agree with the statement: “We tremble for our country when we remember that God is just and that His justice never sleeps. We fear that the judgment of Almighty God, which is designed to be merciful, and the wrath of God, will come upon the United States of America. God hates the shedding of innocent blood.” But there is hope for our nation if Christians will pray! “If I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or if I command the locust to devour the land, or if I send pestilence among My people, and My people who are called by My name humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” II Chronicles 7:13-14. We believe that the role of the SCOTUS is to affirm God given rights to every individual throughout ALL stages of LIFE. We are calling for national prayers of repentance from February 3 to March 4. On January 22, the Jonas storm, which also means Jonah, hit Washington, D.C. That same day the Supreme Court denied North Dakota the right to ban abortion and help women with child care.

1) Bernie Will Put Us In Labor Camps

Alex Jones is upset about Bernie Sanders’ growing popularity.

Just before the Iowa caucuses, the InfoWars broadcaster said that while he thinks Sanders would be easy to defeat in a general election, he is worried about Sanders’ purported platform to put people in “forced labor camps,” just like Mao Zedong.