The writer on favourite words, guilty pleasures and a dark secret

Q&A: Lionel Shriver – ‘What would I change? I would have taken more drugs’

Born in North Carolina, Lionel Shriver, 58, wrote six novels before We Need To Talk About Kevin, which became a global bestseller, won the 2005 Orange prize and was adpated into a film. She discusses her new novel, The Mandibles: A Family, 2029-2047, at The Tabernacle in London on 10 May and the Brighton Festival on 11 May. She is married to jazz musician Jeff Williams, and lives in London and Brooklyn.

What is your greatest fear?

Years ago, fat. Now, a stroke.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

Self-righteousness.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Self-righteousness, of course.

What makes you unhappy?

Opening the paper to one of my own articles to discover that some PC subeditor has ruined all my jokes.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

My teeth. They stain.

If you could bring something extinct back to life, what would you choose?

Good grammar.

Who would play you in the film of your life?

Someone sour and nasty, like Jennifer Jason Leigh.

What is your most unappealing habit?

Having people over and wearing 1950s nightshirts, which is basically entertaining in pyjamas.

What is your favourite word?

“Insidious.”

What did you want to be when you were growing up?

What I am now. Sometimes it pays to plan ahead.

What is the worst thing anyone’s said to you?

I was once called “earnest”, and I’ve never been so insulted.

What is your guiltiest pleasure?

Sleeping until noon. But I go to bed at 4am, so that’s only eight hours.

To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?

He knows who he is. I’ve apologised. I wish it made more difference.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

I have had two: the above and my zany, musically brilliant husband. What was the best kiss of your life?

Early kisses with my husband went on for three hours.

Which living person do you most despise, and why?

Ted Cruz. Trump is an idiot. Cruz is evil.

Which words do you most overuse?

“Execrable.” “Appalling.” “Pathetic.”

What is the worst job you’ve done?

Assembly-line work on a kibbutz, cutting the tops off plastic boots.

What has been your biggest disappointment?

Getting exactly what I wanted.

If you could edit your past, what would you change?

I would have taken more drugs.

How do you relax?

Sipping a glass of wine large enough to bathe in.

What single thing would improve the quality of your life?

New knees.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

A selection of single paragraphs that perfectly capture something I’ve thought or felt, even if it’s shameful or perverse.

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What keeps you awake at night?

My own bad prose.

How would you like to be remembered?

As not having been tiresome.

Tell us a secret

My husband says other people don’t realise I’m actually very nice. But don’t tell. You’d ruin my reputation.