Maybe you’re about to dump someone but it’s their birthday and you feel bad. So you, a true gentlebro for the ages, decide to buy her a Vitamix blender — and what a nice blender it is! — as a parting gift. This is a terrible idea, as evidenced in this Craigslist ad a Brooklyn woman posted a few days ago, in which she absolutely frappes, shreds, purees and ice crushes the corporate lawyer who did this to her. It opens with the caveat “never date a corporate lawyer” and goes on to include tidbits like this:

“He clearly wants to break up, but makes you do it. It’s the day after your birthday. A few days later, this Vitamix arrives at your door. Either he wants you back, or he does not understand the human species.”

She’s selling the blender for about $50 less than Amazon, which ain’t a bad deal if you want such a fancy blender. She notes that she is available for dates.

Read the whole thing here, it’s glorious.

(h/t Danielle Tcholakian)

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