Like they say, if you can’t beat them, hack off their genitals with an axe.

From The Daily Mail:

A police spokesman said: ‘Over two days the men were binge drinking, which led to a violent argument.

That’s always a good start to any story.

A 52-year-old Russian man has been detained after using an axe to sever his friend’s penis, say police. The two villagers had been arguing about the size of their manhoods during a drinking session in the Urals region on Bashkortostan.

Man this is the kind of s**t frat boys do in America. Middle aged Russian men are out of control.

After embarking on a penis-measuring competition, the ‘loser’ was so enraged that he attacked his 47-year-old friend with the axe.

Friendship is so hard in Russia. Jesus. According to police:

‘When words were exhausted, the attacker pulled out an axe and first struck the opponent on the head, then cut off his manhood.’

This raises a lot of questions for me. Do these dudes spend all their time binge drinking alone and talking about each others’ dicks? Because that seems pretty gay. And how much bigger was the dick of the guy who got lumberjacked off by his crazy baby dicked comrade? Also, what the f**k is Russia?