TEN years ago my mother died in my arms, propped up on plush, monogrammed Laura Ashley pillows with Frank Sinatra singing “My Way” through Sony Walkman earphones strapped to her head. The Walkman didn’t fit the décor, and neither did I. My mother and I were not close, and it was somewhat ironic that, of her four children, I would be the one rubbing her spongy forearms and kneading her ice-cold feet as she prepared to lay her burden down.

She would leave me a house full of furniture, some family jewelry and  whether I liked it, wanted it, understood it or was prepared for it  John, my 42-year-old mentally challenged brother. Because that’s what happens. People die. Their burdens don’t.

Thus began my reluctant journey as my brother’s keeper, a role I would share with cousins and siblings, agencies, caretakers and good-hearted strangers. It was not an area where I was comfortable. While I adored my little brother, it was my mother, Edith, who oversaw John’s life almost exclusively while the rest of us ventured hundreds of miles away from Massachusetts, off to colleges and lives far from our troubled upbringing. My parents had split up, so for a long time it was just John and my mother. We would see our brother on occasional holidays, but my mother had it covered, so we stopped paying attention.

My mother understood that it was essential to prepare John to live independently, a critical goal for parents of children with serious disabilities. John is one of the easier ones. Categorized as “educable,“ John does not have Down syndrome but more resembles Lennie from “Of Mice and Men”  a giant of a guy with a sweet nature, a thick shock of white hair, beautiful skin that never endured the ravages of alcohol and cigarettes, a low I.Q. and epilepsy. He collects sunglasses, sweatshirts and mugs, and he has a fondness for “kitties.” He was mainstreamed in the excellent public schools of suburban Boston and able to live on his own, thanks to my mother’s training and hard-fought efforts to secure lifetime oversight from a cadre of exceptional caretakers.