I am still in a state of shell-shocked sorrow after the high-impact Roswell, New Mexico Season 1 Episode 6, “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” Through the flashback lens of Liz’s final week of senior year, we see the childhood traumas the alien triplets, Alex, Rosa, and Liz experienced.

We see what happened to them and it hurts. It really, really hurts.

As the pain orbits, it becomes clear that we need to know what happened to them so we can understand who they have become. Max is absolutely right.

MAX: Who we were then matters.

Roswell, New Mexico is purposefully a story of the adult life of the characters. But, the choice to so intimately and intensely show their teenage traumas provides respect and reverence for having to deal with very adult struggles during childhood.

The show doesn’t treat Alex’s abuse or Liz’s fear of abandonment with kid gloves, even though it’s happening to kids. It also doesn’t use these events to entice us.

The trauma is not sexualized.

Michael and Alex have sex before the traumatic moment.

Liz and Max have a beautiful Shakespeare level romantic moment at the prom. But, it does not end with grief sex. It doesn’t even end with grief kisses.

Grief sex on screen happens to really work for me. I can admit, though, that my attraction to that type of sexualization doesn’t come from a great place.

By stepping away from sexualizing trauma, and instead sexualizing safety, consent, trust, and airstreams, Roswell, New Mexico is telling us the past informs but does not dictate the present.

The ways shows have handled teens and sex matters because it provides context and informs how new shows can alter those harmful representations.

So too, the episode makes a point about how the characters’ pasts have both shaped them and trapped them. But, there is hope for freedom in finally getting that past out into the open.

We saw how Kyle has changed from his past, and how he is willing to face how he hurt people on Roswell, New Mexico Season 1 Episode 5, “Don’t Speak.”

Kyle is also the character who is making the most mature and healthy choices in the present. He got to that place of empathy and confidence through doing the very hard work of being honest with himself about his past. Kyle provides an example of what’s possible after honesty.

“Smells Like Teen Spirit,” is a reckoning; the truth is finally out.

The wound has been flushed and even though it stings terribly, now the healing can begin.

Max shares the truth and it leads to Liz leaving their relationship. But, it is the right thing to do. It is the only right thing to do.

Max finally sharing with Liz what happened to her sister is the only way they have a chance of healing. In my view, it is his first true act of love for Liz.

Liz now has all the evidence and she can move forward in her truth-seeking. Max gives her that evidence and that is what protects her.

Similarly, even though Isobel is devastated and in pain because of what she may have done to her love Rosa (I recognize it was probably only a friendship love, but please, let me have this), knowing the truth provides her with agency and understanding that is absolutely essential to her knowing who she is.

Who we were then matters, so we can become who we meant to be in the now.

Malex

Michael and Alex’s storyline on “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” breaks me.

In fact, I think the episode should come with a trigger warning and resources for people who may be experiencing domestic violence or abuse.

But before I delve into the hand-and-heart breaking scenes, I have many a happy squeal to give for this incredible ship’s angsty backstory.

The most eyebrow-raising thing I learn from the story of Malex’s first kiss is that Michael is not a bad boy.

Even though we have seen his sarcastic flirting and his cowboy swagger, he is not a bad boy.

In the childhood camping scene we hear Michael express deep concern for the heinous man. He wanted the man to live, even though he had tried to kill his sister. Michael has had a tender heart from a very young age.

Then we see Michael tuning guitars and standing up for Alex. It’s genuinely sweet.

Michael is an outcast, not a bad boy and that makes a huge difference.

So when Alex goes in for a kiss with Michael, Michael pulls back. This shows that Michael doesn’t want to get involved with Alex for the wrong reasons. He doesn’t want to kiss him until he’s sure that he really likes Alex and that he’s ready to make a commitment.

We know that from this point on, Michael never really looks away from Alex. I think Michael doesn’t bond quickly, but when he does, when he’s sure, he is deeply and eternally loyal.

The magical first kiss at the alien museum is a perfect blend of awkward teenage flair (that wicked green visor is truly something else) and deep emotional commitment that can perhaps only really occur between two individuals who have experienced deep pain.

The first time Malex sleep together is joyful and sensual. Again, it’s very important that Malex is able to have this beautiful moment together before Father Manes comes in because it preserves their romance as a conscious choice, not a reaction to trauma.

I needed that mirror shot before the storm because otherwise, I’m not sure I could get through it.

It is time to talk about that storm.

Michael and Alex’s faces as Father Manes enters the trailer evoke a visceral and complex set of emotions that I feel in every inch of my body. The steel backbone, the horror, the shame, the fear, the desire to just escape, the sorrow- it all comes through in the briefest of seconds.

Michael Vlamis and Tyler Blackburn are quite honestly too good. Just imagining the scene makes me feel shaky and untethered. It’s too much.

For those of us who may have experienced untethered rage from a caregiver and had that rage levied upon us, it is very hard to see Father Manes coming at Alex and Michael.

I’ll be honest again, I didn’t expect this scene from Roswell, New Mexico. I expect a bit more gloss.

What I get is a direct hit.

And you know what, I’m glad.

So often, LGBTQIA relationships are given the glossy treatment, if they stay alive long enough. Deep and emotionally raw moments are saved for the straight leading couple.

But the horrors that LGBTQIA couples face are real.

The rage that Father Manes has is not actually that unusual. The violence that Malex is subjected to, while indescribably painful and quite triggering, is very important to portray, especially on a show that is not about LGBTQIA relationships.

Malex’s story is first kisses, dealing with abusive families, alien mystery, and a returning soldier love story.

Malex’s story is not relegated to one dimension, and for that, I am very, very glad.

Liz

About midway through the episode, it happens: I fall in love with Liz.

She has been a fierce and interesting character from the pilot episode, but for me, it wasn’t yet love.

When Max approaches a tearful Liz and assumes she’s crying about her boyfriend, Liz quickly and assertively corrects him, “I’m not crying about Kyle.” Cupid’s hit me because that’s such a gorgeous reaction.

Not only is Liz the type of person who is more focused on her family and her desire for a present mother than she is some boy, she is also the type of person who can honestly articulate what she’s feeling.

Even with her armor on, she is vulnerable. That is such a wonderful type of brave. That confidence and strong sense of self continues as she clearly asserts that she and Kyle will not be working things out.

My Echo heart soars at this news. But more importantly, her words show clarity and decisiveness that is wonderful to see in a teenage girl character.

Then Liz shows her sensitivity too.

LIZ: I’m not done being taken care of.

Liz knows that she needs her mother. She is not hardened or lying to herself that she doesn’t care or that she can do it all on her own. She isn’t afraid to need people.

At the same time, she knows her worth and is unafraid to set boundaries that align with her values.

Her complexity and dynamic wholeness, that’s her real superpower.

Diner Dish

Lily Cowell gives the performance of a lifetime on the episode. Just incredible.

Isobel’s blackouts deepen the mystery of Rosa’s murder. We know now what Isobel, Michael, and Max know, but there is still so much mystery. Like, what exactly happened between Rosa and Isobel? What did Rosa’s dad tell her? Who is this Orphicus?!

Alex’s eyeliner is a yes for me.

The way Max looks at Liz as she steps out of the car in her red dress is the stuff ships are made of.

Liz and Max dance in the desert to Bright Eyes and very nearly kiss. I am represented and satisfied.

WHERE IS MARIA!? I am really sad that she isn’t on the episode at all. I am hoping that she is a missing piece in the Isobel puzzle and that she is essential to many future storylines.

I want Rosa to keep showing up. She adds so much to every scene she appears in and I really wish she could come back to life.

What did you think of this episode of Roswell, New Mexico? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

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Roswell, New Mexico airs Tuesdays at 9/8c on The CW.

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