Ostrich Monogram parking lot.jpg

The presumed monogram of McKenzie Kate Sullivan, which was found lying in the parking lot next to a white Lexus ES.

(Matt Mitchell)

Matt Mitchell is the creator of The Ostrich, Walker County's least trusted news source, and was the 3rd round draft pick of the Denver Nuggets. Nothing he writes is true, including this work of satire.

The search for a local teen's missing car has been called off.

McKenzie Kate Sullivan, a 16-year-old Mountain Brook girl, was unable to locate her brand new Lexus ES last night after her pastel-colored monogram sticker fell off the rear windshield.

Sullivan said she last saw her car at the Summit, where she parked it before entering Lilly Pulitzer to spend $200 on a beach bag that she'll never use because it won't match her Kate Spade tumbler.

"I left it right between the other two white Lexuses, and neither of them have a monogram so I can't be the only one here that can't get home right now," tweeted a visibly upset Sullivan. She ended the statement with two frowning emoji faces.

Sullivan's two friends, Anna Beth Oliver and Emma Grace Lane, were also present during the incident and assisted with the search by frequently sharing updates on Snapchat.

"Def stranded right now. Please send help and mocha frappuccinos," said Oliver while using a Snapchat filter that gave her dog ears and a nose. "I haven't been this upset since I finished watching One Tree Hill."

Eyewitnesses say the search for the vehicle began immediately after the girls walked back into the parking lot and ended approximately 10 minutes later when Sullivan spotted a black Mercedes-Benz.

"That is the exact car and color I wanted for my birthday and it even had a monogram with the same initials as mine on it," explained Sullivan. "I thought Daddy had finally surprised me with what I really wanted for my birthday."

Another devastating blow was dealt to search efforts after a brief storm system moved into the area. Abandoned without the aid of their designer rain boots, the girls were forced to call for reinforcements in the form of Sullivan's ex-boyfriend, John David Thompson. The two had not spoken to each other since Thompson's lackluster "promposal" failed to go viral on social media.

Thompson quickly arrived at the Summit after receiving Sullivan's text message that was written almost entirely in emoji, but he was unfortunately unable to park the 2017 GMC Yukon XL Denali his parents had recently purchased him.

"OMG John David, there's an open spot right there," shouted Sullivan.

After numerous attempts to park the large SUV, Thompson reportedly became frustrated and abandoned the girls to hang out with his bros at Twin Peaks in nearby Hoover.

The search efforts were officially concluded at roughly 8:30 PM when Sullivan informed her mother of the missing monogram-less car.

At press time, Sullivan's parents had already purchased her a replacement Lexus.

[This is a work of satire. All content is the creation of Matt Mitchell, The Ostrich]