Bored of swiping through Tinder? Fed up of men who don’t know what they want? Keen to ‘feel the exhilarating chemistry of a truly deep, enriching relationship’?

What I Rent: Bailey and Maddie, £2,075 for a two-bedroom flat in Wembley

Well, you’ve come to the right place.

Meet Nate Rifkin. He’s a self-described ‘recovering obsessed workaholic’/marketing strategist. He loves capitalism, his nutritional supplement business, and travel. And stock photos, according to his laughter at a picture of a woman hitting a man with a rolling pin.

And he’s looking for someone to love. So he’s created a website, called shouldyoudatenate.com, to try to find his perfect mate.




A perfect mate, according to Nate, is not a ‘Dionysian diva’, an ‘exercise athiest’, a ‘lackadaisical lady’, a ‘prolific partier’, or a ‘prosperity poo-pooer’.

Nate’s beloved cannot drink or smoke on the reg, they cannot be liberal, and they absolutely cannot eat an extra-large pizza or cinnamon buns.

Guess that’s me ruled out then.

(Picture: Nate Rifkin)

The woman also needs to be between the ages of 22 and 35, and must have a slim waist and a ‘very pretty face’.

She’ll need to be ‘intelligent, healthy, happy, ambitious, spiritual’ and have a good sense of humour.

This all might seem like a lot of requirements for a cool young lady looking for love.

But in the 3,000 word website Nate’s created, he piles on every more qualities for a woman to tick off – namely, the ability to deal with his ‘kooky’ personality.

Nate does not care about sports, music, or TV, and hates ‘the stuff 95% of the population obsesses over’, so he’ll definitely value your interests.

He works hard, and describes his life as ‘Mad Men without the cigarettes or fedoras’. He’s got ‘overwhelming ambition’ and loves the free market.

If you manage to meet all of Nate’s requirements, you’ll be taken on a free holiday. So if you’re not dripping with excitement at the prospect of dating this kooky capitalist guy, you can always game the system, get taken on a nice holiday, then ghost him the moment your flight lands.

All you have to do is send Nate an ‘exciting’ message with the subject line ‘Take Me To…’ plus wherever you’d like to go, along with some ‘recent, full length pictures’.*

*Remember, a ‘slim waist’ is a must.

But before you start drafting your application, a few things to be aware of.

Alongside writing more than 3,000 words convincing everyone why he’s dateable, Nate also writes a lot on his professional Facebook page. As far as we can tell, his writings are fictional (we think) work-themed anecdotes centering on Nate’s experiences with a man called Ted.

Reading through them, you keep expecting an erotic twist to come. It doesn’t.

Here’s a fun sample.

One of Nate's Facebook posts: “I’m only going to show you this once,” said Ted. Salvador and I stood at attention amid the warehouse’s chaos. Around us, workers unloaded trucks… dragged rows of clothes along rails… and giant bags zipped overhead. I barely took any of the action in, as I focused on the task ahead. Ted grabbed a couple floor mats from a giant cart, folded them in a certain way, slid them around a tabletop just so, setting off a scanner. Like checking out a supermarket item. Then he tossed them into their respectful places on a rack. “Alright, who wants to go next?” he challenged. For the next five minutes each, we were to fold mats just like he did. Salvador instantly raised his hand and strode forward. “No problem,” I thought. “I’ll probably get more points for accuracy, than for going first.” I had a chance to watch his mistakes. He only made a couple. Then I did some folding, scanning, and plopping into the cart. All good. “What you just did, is the most physically challenging part of the job,” Ted said. Huh. It didn’t seem too rough. I wondered if looks were deceiving… especially considering how long the job’s shifts were… Ted lead us both back to a meeting room, sat us down, and said he’d like to make both of us a job offer. We accepted. In the parking lot, Salvador and I shook hands, congratulating each other, and parted ways. I was excited to work with the guy. But the day wasn’t over. I drove to a local clinic for a physical and drug test. Then, after drinking a celebratory coffee, and while driving home… I got a call from the recruiter who first asked me to cut my hair! She congratulated me, and let me know her hopes that I’d eventually be promoted to a driver for the company, and make the big bucks. Later on, I checked my voicemail and discovered a call from a lawn-mowing company I applied to. Heh, I’d have to call them back and deliver the bad news. The ground beneath my feet felt plenty more secure, and the gnawing fear in my gut had evaporated… … because I was completely ignorant of what I’d just signed up for. But I’d discover in time… A few days later, I went to a bar with a few co-workers, the owner and his girlfriend included, for a final hurrah before we went our separate ways. Who knows if I’ll ever run into him again, but the last time I ever saw the owner was at 3AM, at Shotgun Willies, watching him make it rain for the strippers there. I had a few more days to relax, before the physical assault on my body and mind began…

We would strongly recommend reading the entirety of Nate’s FB posts before hitting send on your request to go to Hawaii. They’re pretty, erm, interesting.



It’s also worth noting that on Nate’s LinkedIn he’s listed as a ‘direct marketing strategist’, so we fully expect that this website is a massive marketing stunt for a product or dating website, rather than an earnest attempt to find love.*

(Picture: Nate Rifkin)

*We hope so, anyway. Please don’t let this be real.

And, finally, I’d personally like to point out that I’ve messaged Nate multiple times to ask him some questions about his mission to find love, and he’s ignored me. That’s no way to find a relationship, Nate. You’ve got to be open to new experiences.

I attached some pictures of a corgi in a bikini with this one. I think I’m in there. (Picture: Ellen Scott)

It might be worth heading back to Tinder. At least there there’s a bio limit.

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