TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact

A recent report released by Australia’s peak scientific body, the CSIRO, has today revealed the groundbreaking results to their 3 year-long study into why people add expensive spoilers to their worthless vehicles.

Sitting down with The Advocate shortly after the press hearing, lead researcher, Lewis Mozato, discussed the results in further detail.

“We began by scanning the brains of over 100 Hyundai Excel owners, we weren’t expecting to find anything outstanding, however after the first 10 scans we knew we were on to something”

“In every single subject’s brain there was the same foreign entity”

“At first we thought it was a tumour, but upon further inspection, and to our surprise, we discovered it was playdough.”

“One by one we then interviewed the subjects and asked about their interactions with children’s sculpting dough”

“Sure enough each of them admitted to eating playdough as a child!”

Lewis then went on to explain how the playdough had somehow made its way into the frontal lobe of the cerebrum, in turn clouding these people’s judgement and making them more susceptible to making poor life choices.

Other than adding rear spoilers to their Hyundai Excels, these people are also more likely to be internet trolls, not understand context and stand up in the aisle as soon as the plane lands.