On her fourth birthday, Rachel Mari was given a toy Uzi that transformed into a robot.

So, fairly early on, she realized she wasn’t going to be able to grow up the way she wanted to.

“I got all boy toys,” said the 35-year old Akron resident.

“All the men in the family were standing around the table where my cake was, and I just couldn’t stop thinking how I didn’t want to be like that. I guess it was an epiphany moment.”

Mari is one of nearly 1 million people living in the United States who identifies as transgender.

She says there are numerous misconceptions about trans-people. They are not “sensationalized Jerry Springer actors,” and they are not confused about who they are.

“There started to be a point in culture when I realized it could actually be respectable to live how I felt,” she said. “I could just be me.”

MUSIC THERAPY

While the realization came early for Mari, the transformation didn’t happen until years later, once she had graduated from Salem High School and moved to Akron. Mari played bass in punk rock bands as a teenager and continued until recently, well after she had made her transition.

For Mari, music was therapy.

“In high school, I threw myself into music to distract myself,” she said. “A lot of people in the trans-community do that. Some become very isolated and inward, but for me, my life was music.”

Mari spent a large part of her musical career in Akron-based rock band Dropgun, which played often throughout the region and once was named Best Punk Band in Northern Ohio by Scene magazine.

When she joined Dropgun, as far as the public and her band were concerned, she was a man. But soon after, it was more than just Mari who started to identify with who she really was.

“It was really stressful at first,” she said of coming out. “There was and still is a lot of prejudice toward trans-people, but I knew I couldn’t keep living like I was. I finally broke down, went to therapy and told my partner at the time. That’s when I started my transition.”

Her next step was telling the rest of Dropgun.

NOT YOUR STEREOTYPICAL PUNK BAND

Dropgun was not just notable for its talent. The band didn’t exactly fit the punk rock prototype, and it had nothing to do with Mari.

Before she joined to fill the vacant position on bass, the band was half made up of police officers. At the surface, telling her law enforcement band mates who “tended to lean more toward the conservative side of things” about her situation, was something Mari dreaded.

As it turns out, Dropgun continued to break the stereotypical punk mold.

“Rachel came to me, and the first thing she said was. ‘You can fire me, and I won’t be mad,’” explained guitarist Paul Hooper.

“I was like, ‘Why would I do that?’ She explained she was coming out, and it was surprising, but I told her not to worry. I told her to let me talk to the band, but as far as I was concerned, I was totally fine with it.”

Turned out the rest of the band was, too.

“I don’t think they really knew what to think at first,” Hooper said. “None of us had ever really known anyone transgender. But one thing that was great, Rachel told us, ‘You can ask me anything you want.’ So I set up a meeting for all of us. We sat down, and I fired a ton of questions at her because I wanted to fully understand.”

Hooper and Mari admitted the initial meeting was a little uncomfortable, but Mari’s coming out quickly became a non-issue.

“I was really nervous,” Mari said. “And at first I felt silly showing up the first couple times at practice as myself. But you have to go through those emotions. And it was great because they were all very supportive. Nobody saw me as different.”

PLAYING LIVE AFTER COMING OUT

Revealing who she really was to her band was one thing, but how the group’s beer-swilling, punk rock following would react was another animal altogether. But any reservations they may have had were quickly squelched.

Hooper remembers a rattled Mari prior to her first performance after coming out.

“I could tell she was nervous,” Hooper said. “I just let her know, ‘We’ve got your back. Don’t worry about it. If a problem crops up in some way, just let us know, but don’t be afraid.’ ”

Mari was thankful her fears were unfounded.

“There was literally no issue at all,” Mari said. “The scene was really open to it. Punk rock people tend to be pretty open-minded. I never once had anyone say anything about it to my face. I’m sure a few people might have said things under their breath, but I don’t think I was sticking out like a sore thumb.”

A TRANSGENDER GIMMICK?

In 2012, Laura Jane Grace of rock group Against Me very publicly came out as transgender, drawing attention from numerous media outlets. The band already had achieved modest worldwide success prior to Grace’s transition, but since, attention surrounding the group has risen, and they’ve done numerous strings of sold- out shows on recent tours.

For Mari, using her transgender lifestyle as a focal point for the band went completely against her nature.

“I was terrified I was gonna make the band into a gimmick,” she said. “I never promoted the band using myself. I always downplayed it. It’s so cheesy to do that. I’m not trying to rip on Against Me, and it might be raising awareness and education. But it’s corny to promote your band with that. On their last record, every single song is about it. That’s just something I never wanted to do.”

‘THEY NEVER FOUND OUT’

Mari was able to tell her band and friends about her transition. She was engaged at the time she made her decision, and her then-partner also was supportive.

“She was surprised, but it wasn’t anything out of her realm of understanding,” Mari said. “She’s a really open-minded person.”

Two people she was not able to tell, however, were her parents.

“Both of my parents had passed before I started the transition,” she said. “They never even had a chance to find out.”

Mari doesn’t like to dwell on how her parents would have reacted. She said those thoughts are better left alone.

“I’ve kind of tried not to ask ‘what if?’ ” she said. “Mentally, through the transition, I always just wanted to march forward.”

BEING BRAVE?

Mari doesn’t want an award for her story, and she would rather keep certain details about it private. She works in a research lab at Akron University as well as at a local bakery but doesn’t want to be looked at any differently than her co-workers. She jokingly says she’ll save the personal details if she ever writes a “tell-all.”

She’s far more content, and says most of the trans-community is happy just being able to be who they really are.

“I think people always assume when transgender people come out, they’re being brave,” she said. “Coming out, it’s more of a fear response than being brave. I think sometimes people like to give an award to people for coming out. Not all of that is necessary.”

Simply put, Mari says she just wants to live her life, and Hooper agrees it’s a right that should be afforded to everyone.

“Rachel’s a fun person to be around,” he said. “She’s super smart and super witty. She knows practically everything about pop culture, punk rock and horror movies. She knows a good beer and a cigar. She’s just a great person. She should never have to live her life in a shell.”

Now that she’s truly herself, Mari doesn’t intend to.

Reach B.J. Lisko at 330-580-8314 or bj.lisko@cantonrep.com

On Twitter: @BLiskoREP