Share 0 Shares

It’s only the second day of 2020, and we already have a quintessential Pawtucket love story for the ages.

From WPRI:

“PAWTUCKET, R.I. (WPRI) — Neither of the two suspects charged in connection with a deadly shooting Wednesday night on Baxter Street entered a plea during their arraignment Thursday afternoon.

Jack Doherty, 23, of Albany and Shaylyn Moran, 18 of Pawtucket, were both ordered held without bail until their bail hearing January 16.

Police said they were called to Baxter Street around 8:15 p.m. and found the victim, identified as Cheryl Smith, 54, shot several times in the chest. She was rushed to Rhode Island Hospital where she was later pronounced dead.

Police said detectives later tracked the suspects to a motel room at the Hampton Inn on George Street where they were taken into custody. A 9mm handgun was also seized.”

You don’t have to be Miss Cleo to have seen this coming, honestly. Just look at these two winners.

They weren’t destined to become doctors, that’s for sure.

Jack Doherty goes by the not-at-all-alarming moniker “Gothshooter Santana III” on Facebook, and his posts are totally sane and normal.

No indication that he’d end up violently murdering a middle aged woman.

Not one clue at all.

Shaylyn goes by either “Shay Shay” or “Griselda Blanco“, and she looks like a delight as well.

But don’t worry, guys. She’s very anti-murder.

Unless it’s a pedophile.

….Or a 54-year-old female in her own home.You know. Whatever.

Apparently, these two met online at some point and started up a romance. I’m sure it was totally normal and healthy, too. Just judging from their positive, uplifting and cultured social media presences. They finally were about to meet in person three days ago, on New Year’s Eve, presumably to consummate their deep emotional connection with copious amounts of Hennessy, cocaine and completely unprotected sexual intercourse.

At that point, since they had already engaged in recklessly rubber-less gland-to-gland combat, they took the logical next step in any Pawtucket, Rhode Island romance – they ran down to the bargain costume jewelry bin at the Salvation Army, picked out a ring, and got engaged.

First come raw dog, then comes an indefinite engagement period. That’s just the native culture, really. What else would they do, get to know each other?

To celebrate their engagement, naturally, they went out, committed a murder, then ran off to a gross roach motel to take more creepy selfies,

Before ultimately having the room raided and walking out in cuffs.

So romantic.