I’m having a bit of trouble understanding all of the newly released reports coming out about Iraq. Luckily for everyone, when Australia Deputy Prime Minister Mark Vaile recently asked President Bush for an update on Iraq, the President told him “We’re kicking ass.”

OK. Fair enough. That sums it up for me. It’s terrific news and it’s about time.

Because we’re kicking ass over there, let’s schedule a parade through Baghdad. Let’s have the Bush family lead the parade. That includes George W., Laura and the twins. Let’s make it a big parade. We can have a prominent float on which Mr. Bush’s friends and co-workers can ride: Donald Rumsfeld, Condoleeza Rice, Dick Cheney and Karl Rove. What the heck. Bring everyone: Gonzales, Ashcroft, Scooter (I know that he’s free). Let’ have everyone who ever worked closely with the President spread some red white and blue cheer. This will give our highest ranking Republican officials a chance to mingle with the people we saved, the Iraqis. Can you imagine Dick Cheney walking through the middle of Baghdad shaking hands with the people of Iraq and spreading the good news that we’re kicking the asses of those terrorists?

Let’s plan for our parade to stretch two or three miles through the center of Bagdad, so there’s room for everyone in Congress who authorized the invasion of Iraq. Since we’re kicking ass, there’s no need for helicopters hovering overhead and there’s no need for anyone to wear flak jackets (like John McCain did during his visit). Nor is there any need to bring in heavy security. It’s time to give the military the day off in Iraq. Call it something like “Iraqi Freedom Celebration Day.” Since we’re kicking ass, let’s announce to the people of Iraq (by dropping thousands of leaflets by helicopter at least a few weeks ahead of time) that this parade is a chance for the people of Iraq to come on out to meet the President of the United States, shake his hand and tell him what’s on your mind. Maybe the President could dress up in his cowboy boots. Or maybe he could ride his bicycle. Let’s use this opportunity to show the citizens of Iraq that we’ll never hesitate to bring a bit of America to Iraq.

Let’s not forget that there are tens of thousands of Iraqi children whose parents have died during the Iraq liberation process. Let’s construct a few thousand large parade floats on which they can ride, places of special prominence.

Let’s make the Parade Day an even bigger deal. Let’s invite hundreds of American high school students to travel over to Baghdad with our President to join the parade, then to begin an student exchange program, say for a semester or two. Our students can live with real Iraqi families outside of the Green Zone, since we’re kicking ass. They can attend the finest Iraq high schools and colleges that still exist. They can help tell the Iraqi students about American democracy. They can tell the Iraqi students that in America, our political system works extra efficiently because money is speech.

In fact, since we’re kicking ass, isn’t it about time to open a few McDonald’s and Starbucks in downtown Baghdad? And how about putting a FOX News corporate office in the middle of town, right on an Iraqi Main Street, so that FOX reporters and editors can have easy access to the real people of Iraq: those outside the Green Zone.

Now that we’re kicking ass, let’s really start the reconstruction of Iraq. I’m sure that many of the people who favored the U.S. invasion are retired folks. Perhaps they would be willing to come to Baghdad to help fix up at least some of bombed out schools and mosques. Let’s also invite thousands of American fundamentalists to make the trip too, so that they can open up one of their mega-churches in the heart of Baghdad. They can tell the Iraqis to worship Jesus instead of Muhammad or Allah. Now that we’re well on our way to saving the Iraqis from terrorists, we can get busy saving them from going to hell.

I’m getting excited even writing about this big parade. Finally, this is our opportunity to step up to allow our President tell the people of Iraq, face-to-face, what he’s done for Iraq.