* Louboutin: “The 1% are upset with your policies!”

* Chuck Taylor: “Middle school punk girls across America oppose you, sir or madam.”

* Keds: “Grandmas and/or hipsters who shop at Urban Outfitters have strong negative feelings about you!”

* Birkenstock: “Certain stereotypes would like to have a word with you.”

* Flip-flop: It’s right there in the name.

* Mules: Opposite message of flip-flops.

* Tennis shoe: “I am from the lexically distinct part of the country that refers to the sneaker as a tennis shoe!”

* Boat shoe: “My yacht club and I find your policies disturbing.”

* Running shoe: “I dislike the ‘Let’s Move’ initiative.”

* Cross trainer: “You know who else is cross? America.”

* Sensible flat: “You feel inevitable, and your campaign no longer excites me!”

* Fun flat: “I support you, actually!”

* Fun flat with Dr. Scholl’s arch support cushion: “I really, really support you!”

* One of those weird sneakers with a heel: “I don’t actually object to you, sir or madam. I just want to get this shoe out of my sight because its concept baffles me!”

* Snow boot: “Climate change isn’t real!”

* Fashionable fall boot: “This would make more of a statement if I paired it with tights and a kilt, because it is not actually all that aerodynamic and probably won’t come anywhere near hitting you.”

* Moon boots: “They faked that landing on a soundstage, and the world must KNOW!”

* Stiletto: “Something something women in the workplace something something glass ceiling something something?”

* Loafer: “You’ve created a culture of welfare and dependency!”

* Slipper: “What about your gaffes?”

* Platform shoe: “I dislike your platform. Shoo!”

* Glass slipper: “Here, try this on! Maybe I’ll marry you!”