Since I began skating I have been hyper aware of my body; at 5’4″ and 115 lbs I’m one of the smallest players on the track. Derby is a place for women of all body sizes to truly use their physique to their advantage, with every body type having a home on the track. Though all of this is true, I have always secretly felt that I’m less useful because I’m skinny. As the game has progressed from focusing on speed and agility to strength, those of us who lack in size become more aware of our weaknesses.

I try to be aware of my body privilege. Because my body is what is stereotypically considered “attractive” and is “acceptable” towards society’s standards and ideas about what it means to have an body as a woman (I say “attractive” and “acceptable” to acknowledge that society’s opinions about bodies are seriously FUCKED UP, so often straight up wrong, and way too binary for my tastes) . Because my body is built and shaped the way it is, it seems to make others feel it’s okay to point out to others that I’m small for derby. Say, while discussing hitting, taking hits or basically just saying things along the lines of ”you’re small so you need to juke more, don’t bother pushing”

So I’ve focused my workouts on strength building (which everyone should do anyway). And while I believed the things the derby world said about all body types being useful, I was still pretty sure that having more mass on the track whether blocking or jamming was actually more useful than being small. Just no one wanted to say it. And I’m not really talking about high level derby. Obviously Bonnie and Mutch haven’t heard anything about size being an issue. But then again, most of the year I’ve been convinced that Scald was the better of those three.

Maybe it’s that I came into the game at a point where jammers suddenly were going to the box for what used to be minor cuts and so to be safe jammers needed going up the middle and avoiding the lines so as to avoid getting hit out. So that’s been my mindset in regards to my body type in derby. Until a couple months ago. I was practicing with our A team against a hard line up doing 4 on 1 drills. I was jamming. I faked to one side then toe stopped up the inside line, pushing my hips out and around the butt of the opposition, getting past her. After which one of them said something along the lines of, “You’re so small, I think I’ve got you and then you take up so little space along the line you get past me.” Which was the point where the whole, The smaller you are the smaller the holes you can get through thing finally sunk in. I LITERALLY have more space to work with on the track because I take up less of it. Which is very different than the thought process I was having of, I take up less space on the track so I have less space that’s MINE to work with. And these things aren’t just applicable in Jamming vs Blocking, each position has so many moments of the other in it throughout the correct application.

One of my favorite types of derby people to meet are those who acknowledge body privilege exists. And through that, work to dispel society’s– and our own internal– ideas that dictate what our bodies are capable of doing. How have you thought about your body in moving through your derby career? Have there been times when it’s felt more useful because it’s big or small? I want to hear about it.