A letter has emerged on Twitter exhibiting the most cogent argument we’ve ever witnessed. The thesis at hand was penned in 1999, and revolves around a young Metallica fan attempting to convince their mum to buy S&M.

The logic displayed in this manifesto is, quite simply, irrefutable. Featuring 5 concise reasons at to why this Metallica fan should be allowed to revel in the riffage of heavy metals greatest.

“1. I listen to Metallica for enjoyment. That is why I have their cd’s. This is their new cd, and it is a best hits album, which is performed live and has the symphony orchestra backing them up. It will be an awesome album for me to listen to.” The letter begins.

Reasons no. 2 implies that there was hefty discourse surrounding the purchase of this album. As the writer backs up his argument by highlighting the fact his dad was allowed to purchase a Savage Garden album.

“Like I have been saying to you, Dad got his Savage Garden album because he likes listening to Savage Garden, and it was another album of theirs, with more of their songs.

This is why I want this Metallica album, because it’s another album, with more of their songs.” You truly cannot fault this logic.

Perhaps the most poignant moment of the letter is where our protagonist acknowledges that in a moment of desperation, he lost his temper. “I have been waiting for two years for Metallica’s new album. Also, I have been waiting two weeks for it’s release. I wanted to get it tonight, and I admit, I lost my wobbly, but I will settle for it tomorrow.”

It’s just pure glory. Read the whole thing below:

In 1999, I had to make some solid arguments to my mum about her buying me the latest @Metallica album. Seems like water tight reasoning to me. pic.twitter.com/w2kS7hXkfC — LOAD FAN (@lancelazer) November 5, 2019

In related news, Australian Metallica die-hards were left devastated after the band’s highly-anticipated tour was canned.

Originally slated to kick off in October, the band revealed that their upcoming dates would be postponed while frontman James Hetfield entered a treatment program in order to confront his struggles with addiction.

There’s been no word as to when these dates will be rescheduled, though scheduled tourmates Slipknot say they’re hoping to bring their live show down to Australia at an as-yet-underdetermined date.