I was just told by Mundane Matt to work faster on getting this column done. That was a fair point. So, I stopped fucking around with webmaster type shit and here I am at the desk. I heard about this story earlier on in the day, while I was watching the seminal TV series Skins. I’ve only seen the first “class,” but it’s one of my favorite shows. It definitely wasn’t worth stepping away from to talk about the professional troll who now goes by the name of Brianna Wu. Plus, now I have all these cool tweets to share with you…and it’s not like Brianna hasn’t gotten any saner over the course of the day.

In fact, after reading this column, I’m left scratching my head. Is she really trolling? Or is she legitimately insane? I have to say, having seen her in person, that she does appear to be quite unhinged. Still, she’s sane enough to parlay her craziness into a career as a spokesperson for Tumblrinas and sicko SJWs. I guess it’s a mix of nuttery and fakery. Regardless, it’s total bullshit. Read this excerpt of Wu’s piece from, who else, The Mary Sue:

That’s why I’m thrilled to tell you that one of the most famous women in videogame history happens to also be a transgender woman! It’s none other that Nintendo’s Samus Aran! It’s true! In 1994, the writers of the official JapaneseSuper Metroid strategy guide asked Metroid’s developers if they could share any secrets about the intergalactic bounty hunter. Hirofumi Matsuoka, who helped work on the original design for Samus Aran, claimed that she “wasn’t a woman,” but instead, “ニューハーフ,” or “newhalf.” This language has its own issues, but terminology used for gender in the early 90s was as different in Japan as it was in the West.

People did some digging, and they found out where Wu got this crazy fucking idea planted into that demented brain:

Even these clowns seem to be admitting that the theory is lacking. There’s a very good reason for that. It’s not true. Read what Sakamoto Yoshio had to say about this theory. He’s the co-creator of the Metroid series, a designer on the first game, as well as the director of Super Metroid, Metroid: Zero Mission, and so many others it would take another paragraph to list them all. Here’s his quote: Q: Is Samus Trans? A: No, sorry. I guess this matters to people who build their identity around labels?#GamerGate pic.twitter.com/BLwHfzodbR — Best Mom Eva (@mombot) September 2, 2015 As if all this wasn’t ridiculous enough, Wu has now been accused of trying to throw her own article into the Samus Wikipedia page. Here’s that screen, followed by a few tweets:

https://twitter.com/RCookie3/status/638964639661846529