10 Ridiculous Things Cis Men Say to Trans Women

As a queer trans woman, I deal with a lot of different types of people. When it comes to dating — from apps to meeting people in person — there’s almost always some kind of trans learning curve. Cisgender men seem to take the cake when it comes to ridiculous questions and a complete lack of trans etiquette. Of course, #NotAllMen are like that, but come on!

Here are 10 of the most ridiculous things they actually let fly out of their mouths.

1. “So what does transgender mean?”



“Hello … Google … Can you help this guy out?” I know you know what transgender means. I’m not here to play this game of 21 basic questions. Next.

2. “I’m not gay. Wait … am I gay?”



I mean you might be on the sexuality spectrum somewhere, but probably not because you’re into me. I’m a woman, and though you have options as far as your sexual identity goes, if you were straight before this moment — you still are.

3. “Wow, I would’ve never known.”



Holding me to this cisnormative standard of beauty won’t fly, buddy.

4. “Do you still have IT?”



*cough* Well, this is awkward. Mostly because there’s an infinite amount of “its” you could be talking about. But I’m not going to play like I don’t know what you mean, because the answer is maybe. Why exactly does this matter again?

5. “I’ve always wanted to try a girl like you.”

I know I’m flawless and all, but there’s a lot more to me than being trans. Surprisingly, I’m kind of a complete human being. Go figure.

6. “I don’t swing that way.”

Look, this isn’t the ninth inning of a baseball game. (There are nine, right?).But in all seriousness, what way do you mean? Here again is the messed up assumption that being attracted to me means your gay. And let’s be real, based on the fact you swiped right - I’d say you do “swing” my way, sir.

7. “That’s not my thing.”



I guess we all have our preferences, but thanks for making me feel like some kind of rare alien creature. I don’t know what you mean by thing, but FYI, not all trans women are exactly the same.

8. “Sorry, I’m not into men.”

Well, I guess you’re in the right place because I don’t see any around here. Do I have to scream it from the Empire State Building for you to get it?

9. “So how do you … do it?”



Here we go with the vague “its” again. Just know that I’d prefer to not do “it” with you. #standards

10. “No way, but you’re so pretty though.”



What are you even saying right now? All trans women are beautiful, period.

If you're guilty of any of these faux pas, shame on you. If you've heard any of these things — on behalf of humankind — I'm sorry. Use our comments section as therapy. Share some of the ridiculous things you've heard or tell us on Twitter!