In the past weeks, the spectre of communism has spread its power through the streets of Yelm, WA. The pearl-clutching owners and middle management of the Mattress Ranch shake with fear at the formation of YRGA, we fear nothing, with the immortal science of MLM synthesized for the material conditions of Yelm we will raise the money to become an official 501c(4), and win every position in city council to abolish all mattress stores in the city of Yelm.

While the children the capitalists sleep on million dollar mattresses from the Mattress Ranch, the children of proletarians sleep on hay bails after getting in katana fights with their basketball gangs.

And yet, despite the great importance of the abolition of all ability to procure a mattress through the scientific warfare of the proletarian (protracted peoples war), we must turn our attention to bringing our theory to the highest possible stage, higher than the all mighty Marxism-Leninism-Maoism, brought to us by the great Gonzalo, and theorize Marxism-Leninism-Maoism-Fosterism. Taking dialectically from the methods of JW foster, who built up the productive forces of Yelm and increased the proletarian productivity, we will formulate a Maoism for the people of Yelm.

Unfortunately, soon after Foster came to power and building up the productive forces, he succumbs to the wrong side of the struggle and Yelm shortly thereafter devolved into a degenerated workers state. We must learn from his words before they fell to revisionism, and denounce his foolish dogmato-revisionism.

Now that we understand our historical mission, we must see to its completion. Mattresses will be in the dust bin on history, the political revolution will sweep through Yelm, WA, to do away with degeneration in our workers state, oust Foster (in the next election) to uphold anti-revisionist Fosterism and revisionism will finally be defeated. We’ll see you on the basketball courts

With this polemic, we are announcing our candidacy for the Mayoral position in the city of Yelm, WA, and the whole world. We have a world to win, comrades.

Long live Lenin!

Long live the Yelm, WA!

Long live Fosterism!

It is right to rebel!

– Yelm Red Guards Austin, February 2019.