NEW YORK—According to a new study published Thursday in the journal Modern Parenting: Principles And Practice, the act of forcibly spanking one’s children is not only 100 percent effective but also incredibly fun. “After months spent watching parents discipline their kids aged 2-8 years, we found that nothing is quite as enjoyable or cathartic for them as laying their son or daughter over one knee and whaling on them for a while,” said lead researcher Dr. Amie Tapplemore, who recorded large spikes in the parents’ dopamine levels with each successive blow regardless of whether they used their hand, a paddle, or a belt. “In subsequent surveys, we also noticed that after administering a spanking, parents tend to feel more powerful and in control of their lives—something children seem to sense when they inevitably turn around to their mother or father and offer a sincere apology for misbehaving.” The study also found that the harder and more frequently a child is spanked, the less often they have issues resulting from the experience later in life.

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