The enigma that is Chuck Tingle continues to write erotica unparalleled in its commitment to the niche. Tingle is the author of stories he likes to call ‘tinglers’: powerfully gay love stories that have a profoundly arousing impact on their reader. Among his works of fiction are stories like My Billionaire Triceratops Craves Gay Ass and Bigfoot Sellers Claim My Butthole. Lately, his ebooks have taken on a distinctly political cast; his last two published titles are Redacted In The Butt By Redacted Under The Tromp Administration and Domald Tromp Pounded In The Butt By The Handsome Russian T-Rex Who Also Peed On His Butt And Then Blackmailed Him With The Videos Of His Butt Getting Peed On, respectively.

I am a fan of Tingle’s work, so in honor of Valentine’s Day, I thought that he would be the perfect man to dish out some sensible advice to readers looking for romantic inspiration on February 14. All responses from Tingle are published in their original spelling, grammar and punctuation.

Chuck! My boy, my man. How are you?

Very good it is very early in billings I am up to do my morning meditation and LEARN MY BODY in this new world as man name of chuck

Valentine’s Day is upon us. Are you a fan of Valentine’s Day?

Yes valentines day is a good way for buckaroos of all stripes to come together and celebrate their own unique way, sometimes it is time for bud on bud horseplay but other times it is a good time just trotting on your own. Only thing is sometimes it makes me miss sweet barbara and hear the call of the lonesome train but that is not always thanks

What happened to sweet Barbara, Chuck?

She’s gone

Where did she go?

She is at the bottom of the frozen lake it is a very sad way i miss her a lot but sometimes she talks to me like marbles, sometimes in the closet sometimes under the stairs sometimes in the TV but i think that is the way when you miss someone. Sometimes you see them in other places or you see a small thing that REMINDS you of their way so it is lonesome but sometimes it is also kind of nice to think that bucks who are gone still have their mark on this timeline. It is also nice to know that they are still out there on other timelines

Was it love at first sight for you and Barbara? And how did she get to the bottom of the lake?

Yes when i first met sweet barbara i knew that we were in love she was so kind and took care of me when i needed help proving love. THIS IS IMPORTANT to remember that sometimes it is okay to need help proving love for even the hardest buckaroo. But we can all rely on EACHOTHER to prove love especially with a partner buck! I do not want to say why she is under the frozen lake it reminds me of the lonesome train

Did you kill her, Chuck?

This is a sad question I do not understand this way

I’m sorry. Let’s talk about when she was alive. How did you woo her? Or did she woo you?

That is a very unique situation i do not think i would like to talk of this way. It makes the lonesome train loud in my ears. I am a skilled buckaroo in dating of other types though like way of unicorn or way of dinosaur. Wrote a guide to romance it is number one top seller (as greatest author)

And what tips would you like to pass on to men seeking love?

Buckaroos seeking love should remember FIRST THINGS FIRST most important love is to look inside and love yourself. you are so special and unique, and sometimes buckaroos forget that so they think ‘oh i need some bud to horseplay with and that will make me a WHOLE MAN’ it can be nice to trot with another buckaroo and YES that is a good way, but the first step is to trot on your own and learn the ways of your own body.

How would you recommend learning the ways of your own body, Chuck?

There are lots of ways to learn your own body sometimes that just means sitting in the dark and THINKING on your way like understanding the way that your skin feels on your bones or maybe what it is like to MOVE as yourself. Then sometimes it is about finding your own unique trot you just need to look inside and see what you find.

Chuck, did you kill Barbara?

Please no questions about sweet barbara this way makes the lonesome train call and is not a good way for me as chuck.

Did you ever cook food for Barbara? Do you think men should cook for women to woo them?

Yes it is a nice way i have cooked spaghetti i cooked it for barbara but i also cook it on any old dang night. this is the best mean to impress a bud because it shows you understand what the number top food is (for health and for taste)

How often did you and Barbara make sweet love?

I cannot say this private way but i can say that love was in our trot on all days

So much of Valentine’s Day marketing is aimed at heterosexual couples. Do you have any romantic advice for gay people?

Advice for couples that desire a bud-on-bud way is same advice for bud-on-ladybuck couples really i like that all love is real and also all love is mostly the same it’s just about figuring out what would make your partner happy it could be cooking them a big plate of spaghetti with chocolate milk or it could be EXPERIMENTING with their preferred pound in the bedroom. MOST IMPORTANT thing is just to listen because a lot of time your partner is telling you something in their own special way you just have to look for it and pay attention!

Did Barbara see your dinosaur erotica before she died? Would you recommend that men write dinosaur erotica for women they are trying to impress?

Well i would say that BEING CREATIVE is a very attractive way as a buck that is why you have CHANNING TATUM the handsome dancer and JOM HAMM who was a creative add man in THE BIG APPLES. so that is a handsome way and i think it is impressive. you can write a nice story for your partner on valentines day and maybe it could be HOT TO TROT that is a good way. barbara said i was a good writer she did not read my stories much but now when i am at the coffee shop i show all the other curious buckaroos what i am working on and they say ‘hey thats pretty good chuck’ and they are so impressed by my way

Why did Barbara not read your stories much?

She said ‘oh these are really good!’ but i dont know sometimes i would ask about what she thought of the handsome plane or a billionaire cloud and it didnt seem like she understood maybe she didnt really read them thats okay i loved her still do

What would you say to her if she were still alive?

Well i still talk to her all the time she just talks like crunching marbles and sometimes she sends thoughts to my mind but i would probably tell her not to go to the lake. but i would also say ‘love you sweet barbara wish we could take a walk on valentines day’ MOST IMPORTANT thing i think is to understand that sometimes people go away and then they are with you it is SO IMPORTANT to tell them that you love them and that you care about them it wont make you sound like a goofball it will make you sound like a caring bud and you will be thankful that you said it

Thank you, Chuck. I love you.

Thank you ralph jones i love you too this was a nice talk of online buds i am sorry it is hard to talk about sweet barbara but i am glad we had our chat