Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s.



The latest ever lineup lambs in the history of lambs. Alon here, and it’s 2:15 AM while I’m beginning to piece this together. Sorry to all who didn’t get to see this in time, but hey better late then never. Was a weird / busy day for me so couldn’t get it going in the morning, alas, here we are. Enjoy.

WALSH

Transfers:

OUT: Fuckface#1 and Fuckface#2…….aka Brunt and Baines

IN (For -4 Points): Tony V and Hector the Bell

After about one million thoughts of other things to do I decided to go with what I shouted on the pod and hit for Valencia and Bellerin. I decided that removing two pieces of actual dead weight shit felt most important even though I spent time looking at Coutinho’s spot long and hard. I decided to sort my defense out in one swoop so I can turn my full attention further up the pitch on attack in weeks to come. I flirted with getting a Spud defender instead, but in the end wanted to get this pair and go with a little bit of a differential with Bell. Not the “smart” or “safe” move but fuck it. I want to get players I like. The extra double gameweek for each of them certainly was a factor as well. Hopefully I get the hit back and end up neutral on it from them straight away.

GK: TOM you fucking piece of shit. No points since GW23 and he’s up against my beloved Defoe. I don’t even know what I want anymore.

DEF: New lads (Valencia + Bellerin) come in and join Marcos A. Feeling great about the defense for the first time in a really long time. Not getting 0-1 point out of Baines and Brunt moving forward will be great. Hoping for a trio of cleans out of this lot and I think it is very doable. Maybe a cheeky attacking return too? Hopefully Boro don’t get new manager bounce and United aren’t tired after Europe. West Brom and Stoke are on the beach so they feel like good clean shouts…kill for some points out of defense.

MID: Double Pool mid remains in tact with Mane and Phil. Phil is almost certainly playing in his farewell game for my squadron as I feel like he needs to turn into Alexis pretty soon / before the next game. Hopefully they put in a good performance against City as they normally do. Sigmund most steady and solid love of my life is going nowhere until I WC probably. Finally Barkers ledge stays for Hull. Hopefully he backs up his double assist game with more puntos.

FWD: Bookaku old reliable goes with Defoe and Kun. If I don’t get any Defoe points this weekend I don’t know what life is anymore. Kun idk he keeps getting chances but keeps fucking them all up. Hopefully he runs through the sieve that is Liverpool defense who haven’t kept a clean in like 3 months and destroys.

CAP: Lukaku. Not much thought here..gonna go with him in another home banker. Hull have been playing better but they still aren’t keeping cleans on the road. Without owning Alexis I don’t see another option even close. Hopefully he bangs in a double return again.

ALON

Transfers:

OUT: KDB

IN: Alexis

I kept it pretty passive and reserved this week with just one free transfer instead of the shit I was talking about on the pod -8 or above… Don’t get me wrong my team is awful and there are a ton of guys that I would remove instantly if say I popped my wildcard but I decided not to WC and also not to freak out. I remembered that my GW27+28 was a net rise of ~30k places and while guys like Baines, I hope dies, he’s still home Hull and supposedly fit so why am I gonna be dumb and take a -4 there for example. Snodgrass also seems fit and while he’s terrible, the guys that I was flirting with bringing in either had bad fixtures or were too expensive to fuck up my future prospects. Just doing one move and not taking a hit feels kind of like a differential so I’m happy to stay calm and tit myself for GW29 and then go into the international break with a more clear idea of how drastically I want my team to change in the coming weeks and if maybe I do need to pop WC before GW36 (where we’re both projecting using it at this point).

Alexis I still consider the best player in FPL and I’m overjoyed to own him in this moment with this fixture. Arsenal have had their annual European facial at the hands of a superpower and now will go back to thrashing shitty ass teams and fighting for fourth place. I’m ready for the ride.

GK: Young Pickford goes for me I love this little shit. Home Burnley is terrific (though I have Barnes, and they have been scoring) at worst he’ll rack up some saves and probably be between 3-7 points which is a nice thing to expect.

DEF: I’m sort of embarrassed to even put my defenders on paper in this moment because ew they’re legitimately disgusting. Alonso I’m sure is putting in a transfer request away from my horrible squad because he’s so many classes above but hey he’s under contract whatever fuck you. Baines goes for me again YAY!!!! And lastly I’m fucking the world and starting Matip AWAY AT MANCHESTER CITY (why am I doing this) because honestly starting Robertson away at Everton or Fed Fernandez away at Bournemouth feels worse. It just does I can’t really explain it so I will not try to. Matip is gonna get me a goal in a Liverpool ass fuck job on City so whatever ;) ;) ;)…

MID: New boy Alexis definitely feels nice. An old friend when times were better and simpler for me and my squadron. Welcome back mate. Raz Sterling kept his place in my side through blank fuckfest and while the fixtures are awful (I also have Kun) they’re still the top attacking side in the league easily (Liverpool a close second I guess) and can put 3+ up against anyone. Or they can just blank against Stoke like fucking losers. Can’t wait to find out. Mane keeps his place and naturally will go off away at a top side because Liverpool are fucked up like that. And lastly I have Snoddy in there. Apparently he’s fit so what do I know he’ll probably be benched and play 30′ or something terrible and just be a joke but ya never know. I wanted a Soton guy or maybe Pedro but as I said above in the transfers section it either fucked up my team structure because of funds (Pedro) or felt stupid to take a hit for because of fixture (Southampton away at Spurs so a likely blank).

FWD: Aforementioned legend Kun still an explosive festival of fuck I still love him. And honestly at this point Yaya is losing a biiiiiiit of his nailedness so maybe Kun will find himself back on pens at some point as they make their late season push…. TBD! Also aforementioned is Smashley Barnes who has very quietly done a bit of a job for me and goes against the by far worst team in the league Sundy so if there’s ever a week in his fucking life to get me some surprise double return or something maybe it’s this week… And lastly Big Rom. We all have him. He’s just the steady reliable fuck that we’ve always wanted him to be. That is just a reality now so yep, go on.

CAP: As I said on the pod, Alexis. Don’t know if he’ll start up top or out wide but either way against actual giant pieces of turd West Brom he imght be the best captaincy option. And even if he starts out wide we’ve seen it happen so many times this year Giroud gets subbed, Alexi goes up top, and sticks it in. Because he’s boss. A little bit of a differential cap from me, maybe I can sneak a green arrow… please?