Today about 4 hours ago a friend of mine put up a FACEBOOK link about the FBI’s conclusive report on hacking the election by Russia, which is the worst James Bond plot yet.

Naturally my first comment was to request if there was a link to the actual source, henceforth referred to as ‘fake news’ because it seemed more appropriate to read that than the New York “We Got it Totally Wrong On November 8th and Still haven’t Learned a Thing” Times.

Now, my buddies facebook mentions a 13 page report, and I read it. To save you time, it’s only 5 pages of material, the rest is ‘how to keep your grandpa from getting computer viruses.

The first page is pretty rad, it has a handy disclaimer at the top which basically says, “if we report that our agent overheard this information at a local MacDonalds, this should not be interpreted as an endorsement of the Mickey D brand or imply that Ronald McDonald is a Government Spy” etc.

Then it goes on to lay out via a bunch of documents he following conclusion “a guy named Guccifer claimed to have hacked the DNC and he probably did.”

They go in depth describing the method. It looks like at least 38 people tried to do it. I don’t trust the US Government on anything so when they say “using the russian hacking method” I’m thinking, “These are just people who are good hackers and they all work the same so the Gov’t Intel are just blaming Russia to make it sound like something better than ‘hey a prank caller joked past our security and has access to everything” which is literally how 99% of hacks happen. Its called social engineering and its how that jerk friend of yours always seems to have a girlfriend.

Then they go list a bunch of names, not really thinking that in this world of TOR and all the other IP spoofing networks, there’s no way we’ll ever know who can do it.

Having friends, or used to have friends, who worked the darknet and definitely were what you would call a hacker, there’s nothing here other than the warning, “Hey, one of you idiots picked up the phone to a guy pretending to be John Podesta having lost his log in information and you told him the reset credentials.”

They show some scary lines of code but that kind of information can be script kiddied. The getting in part, that’s the mistake, once someone is in they can do whatever they want, and it strikes me as hilarious that they don’t mention HOW the entrance happened. This means it was not some sort of high tech entry, but rather something so embarrassingly stupid they don’t let on.

Then I checked the new york times article, and it just showed the report. Basically fake news couldn’t find someone to put a spin on it because in order to understand what the DHS and FBI are saying you can’t help but laugh at how dumb people are. Plus there’s literally no connection to the Russians other than, because we’ve been dropped hardcore sanctions and destroying their economy, they are the likely originator.

We invaded Iraq with less.

Fun fact, the massive retaliation promised by the US government is a DDOS attack against MATT DRUDGE which is hilarious since his ‘fake news’ is just an aggregation of ‘real news’ articles.

On the subject of Drudge Report, here’s a gem from The onion, describing how Drudge was hacked 18 years ago.