Team America: World Police (2004) Starring Trey Parker, Matt Stone

LAST SEEN: Heading back to base for debriefing and cocktails.

OPENS WITH: The Team descending on North Korea to take out Kim Jong Un. Aware that he is more dangerous than his father, the Team debates the best attack.

“What would Brian Boitano do?”

“Blame Canada.”

“Shut Yo Face Uncle F-cka. Your Mom is a Big Fat B!tch”

“I can change. I can change!”

“Guys, it’s easy, Mmmkay!”

The Actor suggests that they pose as journalists to “Interview” and assassinate Kim Jong Un. They all agree this pitch needs to be shut down. Seriously.

The One who was raped by the cast of Cats has another idea. They will dress up like Mormons and knock on his door. This idea is a great success.

The Team descends on the fortress and Kim Jong Un, interested in polygamy, invites them in to learn more. Not wanting to break cover, but also knowing nothing about Mormonism, The One who was raped by the cast of Cats starts describing a religion founded by a science fiction author, a tyrant named Zenu, and their religious text Dianetics, now in paperback.

Kim Jong Un breaks into anger.

“You aren’t Mormons! Tom Cruise is a close, personal friend. You don’t think I’ve heard this pitch before!? Kill them!”

Kim Jong Un’s guards attack the Team as he heads to the nuclear button on his desk. The Team gets to him too late. He has launched a missile toward the U.S. mainland. They arrest Kim Jong Un and alert the U.S. military to initiate anti-missile defense systems.

Luckily, due to the Team’s quick reaction time, there was only one casualty. The Team heads to South Park Colorado to attend the funeral. They weren’t there to have themselves a time. As they offered their condolences to the parents, they screamed in grief, “He killed Kenny! You Bastard!”

THE END

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