CAIRO—Claiming that one of the world’s most famous and iconic historic structures couldn’t have been constructed using the resources available at the time, proponents of a controversial new theory suggested this week that aliens may have built Egypt’s ancient intergalactic spaceport. “Archaeologists say the Great Starport of Philopator was built by slaves, but it’s hard to believe that ancient humans could have dragged those zero-point energy generators and quantum vacuum storage toroids across the landscape with flax-fiber ropes and palm logs,” said “Ancient Astronaut Architect” advocate Bryan Miller, adding that, despite what history books tell us, at least half the technology used to create Cairo’s 500-zettawatt interstellar launch complex likely didn’t even exist a century before the birth of Christ. “Even if they had the tools in the Pharaonic era, the evidence overwhelmingly suggests that humans didn’t have the grasp of transtemporal quantum entanglement, 3-manifold-model nesting universes, or haplophase antimatter required to build 40-story docking stations from hard light. Society wants us to believe it was man-made, but just take one look at the Egyptians’ heptaxial Alcubierre drives and you know someone from ‘Out There’ was helping us.” Miller added that the theory is basically confirmed when you consider that the spaceport’s primary landing strips align perfectly with the three interdimensional portals in the constellation Sagittarius.

Advertisement