I gave birth eight months ago after surgery and am scared that intimacy with my partner will cause the wound to split open

My daughter was born eight months ago via emergency C-section (unplanned and under a general anaesthetic). Five days later, my wound split open on removal of the stitches. Since then, I have been terrified of having sex or even orgasming alone, because I am scared something will go wrong inside me. It’s heartbreaking when I know I would like to be close to my partner but can’t let go.

It is understandable that this medical emergency has left you feeling terrified, and protective of the physical area it involved. To ease your concern about any detrimental effect sex might have, do ask your doctor for complete clarification. Hopefully, you will find this reassuring and could then resume intimacy in incremental stages over which you have complete control. You could perhaps initially try using a vibrator to help rebuild confidence, and then choose the positions with your partner that give you the most control and confidence.

However, it is possible that the traumatic effect of the emergency and subsequent complication may mean that logic and reassurance may not be enough. The combination of physical and psychological trauma could mean that, while knowing intellectually there is no risk, your unconscious fears might be prompting a deep refusal to accept this. Trauma-based fears might even be causing a downright aversion to situations where lovemaking might be suggested, and where another conception – with the potential for another C-section – might occur. Such trauma is complicated and requires professional treatment.

• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders

• If you would like advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments).