Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on November 22, 2019, 4:15 am

We talked already about power moves that women use to make him chase and become the prize of the relationship.

But there can be so many of them that describing them all would be impossible.

That's why I always stress that it's more important for people to get the emotional and social intelligence that allows them to understand the general dynamics more than any specific situation.

But of course, the two aren't mutually exclusive, and the best way to grow emotional intelligence is through examples.

So yesterday when I saw this lady's power move I didn't resist taking a few pictures.

Yes, I was feeling a bit like a weirdo, but for you guys, it's worth it :D.

The "I'm the prize" power move

Quick background:

This was a group of 3 people, 2 guys, and one girl.

Possibly the guy met her while traveling with his friend, and then invited her along.

First, the two guys arrived and took a seat.

Then the taller guy left to go get the girl, and came back together.

This is how the story unfolded after that:

1. He invites her to sit on the empty seats ("You're my gal, follow my lead")

The guy arrives with the girl.

He probably wanted to monopolize her and smooch her, plus possibly making a point that she was his. So he invites her to sit on the three free seats, most likely with the plan of sitting next to her:

P.S.: I don't have the moment when he walks in with the girl and invites her to sit in the free row. But it was a clear hand gesture plus some verbal guidance.

Analysis:

This was a poor move from him to begin with.

"Leading" is not always good, if you lead poorly.

Why would you want to invite your girl to seat separately from your other friend? It shows you either care sooo much about her, or that you don't care about your friends.

Neither of them is good, and binning your values and losing sight of the overall social dynamics for the girl is bad leadership

Had this guy been my friend, I would have started plotting how to drop him at the very next destination.

2. She ignores it, and sits near his friend ("I'm my own gal, I do as I please")

Instead, she ignores his invite and goes to sit next to his friend:

Analysis:

As small as it might seem, this is a strong indicator of where the power lies in this relationship. She snubs his invite and refuses his leadership with the greatest ease.

3. She locks in, he's left standing out in the cold ("You must chase to get my love")

Analysis:

This one tells me there is very little cooperation in this relationship.

It's not just about refusing his leadership, but she takes the only free seat without a care about him. And she does so after he had alrady left his friend alone to go pick her up and take her back.

This truly says "I'm the prize, and you... Well, who cares about you".

4. He becomes the "entertainer", seeking her attention ("Dance, monkey, dance")

As soon as he's left standing out, the higher effort position, he begins dong what most people clueless about power dynamics do: starts clamoring for attention.

So for the whole time he is dancing around the two, trying to get her attention, cracking jokes and generally trying to get some signs of love from her.

Analysis:

Here he should have taken a good look at his relationship.

He should have realized he is investing way too much in a girl who is not giving back anything. And not caring at all about him.

Sure, it's a circumscribed event, but this is symptomatic of the overall dynamics.

And this how it starts. 5 years later you're bringing the bacon home, taking the kid to football practice, go back home... And she complains the AC is too noisy and you should work harder to buy the latest model.

5. He chases her for a kiss ("Can we finally kiss?")

His mistakes are not done, yet.

Of course, if your heart and mindsets are in the wrong place, it's rarely about a single mistake, but it's a series of them.

So as soon as his friend got up, he sits next to her, turns and leans toward her far more than she leans towards him, and puts his arm around her for a kiss.

Sadly, I missed the juiciest moment: when she actually spurns him on his first kiss attempt. But take my word for it: it was a disheartening moment :).

Analysis:

He must have been happy for getting what he wanted: intimacy, a kiss and the "confirmation of her love".

Of course, the dynamics tell us he got the total opposite, instead.

Which is why I often stress that learning power dynamics is not only about power, but about balance, fairness, and cooperation as well.