I was sitting on the bus on the way to work this morning, just spacing out and looking around. The person in front of me was reading a book that caught my eye because tons of notes had been scribbled in the margins in different handwriting and colors of ink. I was absentmindedly staring at it just because it looked neat, but then a word someone scrawled larger than the others popped out at me:

Nagnostic.

It was beautiful. I don’t know what they intended it to mean, or if it was really just a vaguely N-shaped scribble that happened to occur in front of “agnostic.” But I instantly knew how I would define the term:

nagnostic (noun) – A person who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God or of anything beyond material phenomena, and takes that belief to such extremes that they persistently annoy others with assertions that their position is obviously the most philosophically sound and that they too are actually agnostic.

Susie: So I went to this atheist meetup the other day and –

Billy: How can you be an atheist? Can you prove god doesn’t exist?

Susie: Well, no, but-

Billy: Then you’re really an agnostic!

Susie: That small margin of doubt is effectively insignificant. And you can’t prove a negative…

Billy: There’s still technically doubt! You’re agnostic!

Susie: But that’s impractical. Are you agnostic about unicorns because they’ve never been proved not to exist?

Billy: Yes.

Susie: …You’re such a fucking nagnostic.

As a former nagnostic, I apologize. And plan to use this slang wherever applicable. …Which is unfortunately pretty often.