Considering Barcelona's high-tempo passing game and penchant for pressing from the front on those rare occasions they concede possession to the opposition, it's difficult to imagine any striker in world football less suited to their particularly industrious "angry swarm of bees" attacking style than Dimitar Berbatov. The kind of player more inclined to spark up a Gauloises and kick back with a copy of Jean-Paul Sartre's Being and Nothingness while waiting for his team-mates to retrieve the ball than engage in anything so gauche as actual scurrying, it is difficult to imagine the Bulgarian's name leaping to the collective mind of coaching staff at the Camp Nou as they discussed the possibility of signing cover for Lionel Messi, who is expected to miss at least eight weeks with a torn hamstring. And yet ... Spanish newspaper Sport reports that the Fulham striker is one of several veteran centre-forwards on Tata Martino's shortlist, alongside Borussia Dortmund's Robert Lewandowski, Manchester City's Sergio Agüero, Lazio's Miroslav Klose and Galatasaray's Didier Drogba.

With any recruit likely to be given limited playing time and Berbatov a cheap option who'd probably be happy enough to spend plenty of time on the bench (his contract with Fulham expires next summer, which means they might be prepared to offload him for a small fee in January), a prospective deal isn't quite as outlandish as it seems and on behalf of football lovers everywhere, the Rumour Mill hereby calls on the British government to pass into law an act of parliament that decrees Berbatov must be sold to Barcelona immediately, if only to see what happens once he gets there. Even Fulham fans must be curious ...

Roberto Mancini's interest in signing the Chelsea captain John Terry for Galatasaray in January has apparently waned now that he's heard Terry is not in the slightest bit interested in signing for Galatasaray in January, while the Manchester United winger Wilfried Zaha may end up deciding his short-term future by throwing a dart at a map: Swansea City, West Brom, Newcastle and Cardiff City are just four of up to seven different Premier League clubs reported to be interested in taking him on loan in January.

The Tottenham Hotspur defender Younès Kaboul could be off to Milan in January, according to the Sun, who also report that Chelsea are "keeping an eye on" Wolfsburg's Swiss left-back Ricardo Rodríguez, a young whippersnapper who scored his first goal for the Bundesliga club just before the international break, in a surprise 2-1 over Borussia Dortmund.

As if their performances this season weren't lethargic enough, Fulham will further frustrate fans by bringing Manchester United's Brazilian timber-carrier Anderson to Craven Cottage on loan in January. Meanwhile in north London, Arsenal officials will attempt to sign the 17-year-old Dinamo Zagreb tyro Alen Halilovic, possibly just to annoy their Tottenham Hotspur counterparts, who have already failed to do so.

Nordin Amrabat could exchange his panoramic view of the Bosphorus for one of the Humber Estuary if Hull City's efforts to sign the Galatasaray winger prove successful. Steve Bruce failed to sign the 26-year-old Moroccan during the summer, but will step up his efforts to do so in the new year, in the hope of striking with the power of 10,000 suns.

Corner flags in Premier League grounds across the nation will be cowering in terror upon hearing their bete noire Tim Cahill has issued a "come and get me" plea to anyone interested in securing his services on loan during the MLS off-season. No fewer than 12 flags got a celebratory punching in the 39 appearances the Aussie made for New York Red Bulls; one after just seven record-breaking seconds. "I'm going to get a lot of shouts," said Tim. "People will always be knocking."

And finally, the England Under-21 international Will Hughes is on his way to Liverpool from Derby County for £12m, according to rumours emanating from the Anfield area, while their Merseyside rivals Everton are having less success with their efforts to secure the scrawl of the Lazio midfielder Eddy Onazi. Fiorentina, Wolfsburg and Hertha Berlin are all hoping to turn the head of the Nigeria international, who now seems unlikely to end up at Goodison Park.