Since the beginning of time - since even before Adrian Mole fetched a ruler to measure his tackle - blokes have worried about the size of their penis. Ron's no different, but it's causing some angst in his relationship.

Hi,

I'm 34 and an ex-girlfriend and I get along so well and every now and then sleep together. We are very compatible except I'm a bit small downstairs.



We caught up last weekend and had a great time and we'd love to have kids together and be together but she wants to be able to have an open relationship for satisfaction purposes only. She said I would always know when and where.



I do love her like she loves me and I am keen but in the back of my head I know it's not normal.



What do you suggest?



Ron.

Aunty Agony -

No small dilemma indeed, Ron. Now while I admire your willingness to consider an open approach for the sake of your ex, I can't help but wonder if you're jumping the gun a little.

Has she told you she wants to get married and have your babies? The main reason I ask is that, if this is the case and she wants to get hitched and then knocked-up, she's going to have a hard job finding the time, let alone the energy, to carry-out other liasions.

I'm also questioning her commitment to you if she says that your small penis is a reason the relationship can't work. Let's not beat around the bush here, size is good but in this day and age there are a range of products (namely sex toys) that could help you to help her, if you get what I mean...

So, in summary here, I'm asking about her intentions. I think she's fond of you, but I'm not so sure about the "love, honour and obey" bit. If you're really keen on her, and making it work, then go ahead - try an open relationship, but don't go the whole hog and opt for marriage at the same time. Test the waters and see if it's really something you - and presumabely she (I assume you can do the same?) - can live with.

Uncle Agony -

Is it wrong that this is turning me on, just a bit? Not your small codger of course; but this talk of introducing a third party. Maybe you could even endorse this openness ... and watch it unfold. Even better, maybe flip the coin and invite in your own partner - purely for "satisfaction purposes only" of course - and maybe she'd be keen to watch, or even go as far as joining in. See where I'm going with this? Menage a trois ... problem solved?

Okay, okay ... back to your real issue:

How small is "a bit small"? We can't all be blessed with a fire hose down there bro, but what are we talking here? Batting just a little below average? Or like a teeny weeny?

I'd like to give you some reassurance. I'd love to tell you that it's not the meat, it's the motion. I should say you're "compatible" so don't get hung up on the physical aspects of the relationship. Blah, blah, friggin' blah.....

But I'm just not sure. I mean the woman has needs. Maybe if you're not as keen as her to open things up a bit, so to speak, you can buy in some help? Vibrators, dildos, other toys? Couldn't you use them together? Play time at Ron's house. Hot.

And I'm also a little (sorry mate, no pun intended) confused at why you and your ex-girlfriend are talking about having kids? Didn't you say ex? So why bother taking what appears to be a problem-free friends-with-benefits (and one where, by all accounts, you're getting more benefit than her) type of relationship and ruining it?

* We've posted our views. Now what do you think: Does size matter? Post your comments, or your own questions for Aunt and Uncle Agony, below ... or email theagonys@stuff.co.nz