Derrick Gordon's body is a canvas. On that canvas is artwork that tells a story.

Derrick Gordon will be the first openly gay Division I college basketball player to play in a game Friday when UMass opens its season against Siena. (Photo Courtesy: Cade Belisle/The Massachusetts Daily Collegian)

But Gordon's story is not a simple one. That is clearly reflected through the symbols that range from both arms, to his shoulders, his chest and his back. They are symbols of a struggle, a commitment, hope, family and the achievement of happiness.

A tattoo is defined as an indelible design on a part of the body. Gordon's tattoos are his autobiography being told every time the redshirt junior on the Massachusetts basketball team lets them be seen.

On this day, a chilly Tuesday afternoon in mid-November, Gordon comfortably shares his story. Sitting in a conference room in Boyden Gymnasium, located at the University of Massachusetts, Gordon removes his zip-up sweatshirt and reveals the memoir forever inscribed on his body.

When he takes the floor Friday for the Minutemen's season opener against Siena, Gordon will officially become the first openly gay Division I men's college basketball player to play in a game – a monumental accomplishment for someone who has spent too much time struggling under the burden of his once deepest secret.

His public announcement April 9 gave him celebrity status not only on the UMass campus, but worldwide, as he received messages of thanks and support as far as Germany and China. It was arguably the biggest sports story in Amherst since Mark Whipple led the Minutemen football team to a Division I-AA national championship in 1998.

Between the outpouring of support on campus and on Twitter, and the flurry of media requests, Gordon said the experience has been all positive.

“There weren't any negatives at all,” he said. “If there was, I didn't see it in my tweets. People were just supporting me.”

But as the ink permanently reveals, many of Gordon's experiences in the last six years haven't been positive.

He battled anxiety as his fraternal twin brother, Darryl, served over five years in prison for attempted murder. He spent the last year in isolation as he tried desperately to keep his secret – that he's gay – from his teammates; a conflict that was sorely affecting his basketball career, and may have very well ended it if he had held it in much longer.

This season offers a new challenge for Gordon. Between coming out, and Darryl being released Sept. 30, he has been relieved of the bulk of his off-court burdens. He spent the summer reinventing his game and is confident that he's entering the 2014-15 campaign playing the best basketball of his life.

“Overall my confidence is sky high,” he said. “I don't see my confidence going down at any point in time during the season. It's been sky high since preseason and it's still going up. It hasn't dropped at all.”

Gordon comes into the season as a role model, an inspiration and a player who believes he has something to prove. But before he does that, he takes one last chance to reflect on his journey to this point, using the symbols on his body as an aid.

* * *

The first tattoo Gordon points to is the one most important to him, and perhaps his greatest source of motivation. As he lifts the sleeve of his gray T-shirt, he reveals on his left shoulder a basketball with “Darryl Gordon” in script around it.

“I got this when he first got arrested,” he said. “I made a commitment to myself that that's who I'm going to be playing for. Any time I'm playing I'm thinking about him.”

As is the case with many twins, Derrick and Darryl had been inseparable as children growing up in Plainfield, New Jersey, and basketball was the bond that brought them closest together. The dream had been that their basketball careers would always be intertwined.

“We always did a lot of things together, basically everything,” Darryl said. “It was like everywhere I was, he was there too. Everywhere we went out, we went together.”

But Derrick sprouted to 6-foot-3 and ended up at one of the top high school programs in the country in St. Patrick High School in Elizabeth, New Jersey, while Darryl stood at 5-foot-8 and went to Plainfield High School.

Derrick didn't give up the on the prospects of them reuiniting, however, making a promise that he would get Darryl into college with him.

“At the beginning, I was being recruited by a lot of schools and I told him, 'They're not getting me unless you come,'” Derrick said. “He was losing hope as far as going to school and I told him, 'Trust me, they aren't bringing me unless you go too.'

“That's what I had planned.”

Derrick's plans changed in May 2009 when Darryl was arrested and charged with attempted murder. According to multiple reports, a neighborhood altercation escalated into gunfire as Darryl pulled out a gun and shot a man several times in the chest. He was sentenced to five years, one month and six days in prison at 16 years old.

Derrick took the news hard, and struggled with it for years. When Darryl got arrested, Derrick said, it separated their bond. Derrick suffered from anxiety, battled acid reflux, lost 20 pounds and things got so bad at one point that he had to wear a heart monitor for a couple of days.

“When he got arrested it changed a lot,” Derrick said. “It changed as far as what I had planned and that kind of messed me up because we always were around each other. We went and we did everything together. We were just stuck on each other. When people see me, they see him.”

* * *

Derrick shifts his focus to the back of his right hand and points to another basketball with the letters “DJG,” which stands for Darryl James Gordon – his brother's initials – imprinted.

“Every time I step on that court I'm thinking about him,” he said.

This has been the case since Darryl's arrest. It carried him through the rest of his career at St. Patrick, his freshman season at Western Kentucky, where he helped lead the Hilltoppers to the NCAA tournament, and even as he sat out as a transfer at UMass during the 2012-13 season.

Any time they talked, Derrick said, Darryl would ask him about basketball and make sure he was staying motivated and chasing his dream.

“It's time to get better every day because he tells me that all the time,” Derrick said. “Make sure you're in the gym working, because there's someone else working out when you're not working out. It's always good to get an advantage over that person, whoever it is, just staying consistent.”

Said Darryl: “I really just try to keep him focused and not getting caught up in everything that's going on, just making sure he's good.”

The catalyst was still there last year in Derrick's first season with the Minutemen. He started every game and averaged 9.4 points, 3.5 rebounds and two assists per game as UMass made its first trip to the Big Dance since 1998.

The numbers indicate he didn't quite live up to the hype bestowed upon him entering his debut season, aside from a handful of breakout games. However, what nobody knew at the time was the secret that was weighing him down, the thoughts he kept to himself before and after games and the fear of what he said his teammates may have already suspected.

* * *

Gordon's most recent addition to his tattoo collection is a sleeve located on his right forearm. It's one he said he just finished. It's a good and evil tattoo which he said conveys “happiness overcomes everything.”

“I'm a very happy person, and I figured you should be happy every day of your life, live every day like it's your last,” he said.

It was difficult for Gordon to find happiness most of last year, however. He spent most of his time alone. He didn't go out with his teammates. He often ate alone. He would listen to his teammates talk about girls, and he would have no input. All his gay friends he could talk to about these struggles, or anything for that matter, were either back home in New Jersey or in Los Angeles.

“I always stayed to myself,” he said.

Since coming out seven months ago, Gordon said the change has been significant. He's happier, closer with his teammates and said it's affected his game for the better, because basketball is finally at the forefront. The best part, according to Gordon, is the way his teammates have embraced him since.

“They just made things a lot easier for me,” he said. “I can hang with them a lot now. I can eat at the dining hall with them, play video games, whatever it may be, and they won't have a problem with it or an issue. The whole gay thing isn't a problem. We all shower together, no issue like that. We have conversations as far as practice and things like that.”

Darryl lauded his brother for his courage to come out, and said he can tell he's much happier now.

“He definitely seems like a different person. Now when you really look at it, years back, it was like it wasn't really him, who he was,” Darryl said. “Now he's smiling every time I see him. He's laughing, talking. Before it was like he was holding something back.

“I definitely think it was something he needed to get off his chest.”

Overall, the response, Gordon said, has been overwhelmingly positive. His decision to come out immediately turned him into a role model and a mentor for many in the gay community.

He said many have reached out to him and told him his courage helped them feel more comfortable coming out. He's also open to giving advice.

Gordon knows what it's like to have no one to talk to, he said, so he welcomes the opportunity to answer any questions they may have, and help them “be true to themselves.”

“When I can give back like that and help other people out it makes it that much sweeter,” he said.

* * *

One tattoo isn't enough for Gordon to prove how important his family is to him. You'd have to look in multiple places for a reminder of his family's significance

On his back are the words “Family First” inscribed, while on his chest are the letters “MBK,” which stands for My Brothers' Keeper, and a three-headed dragon, which is meant to represent himself, Darryl and his older brother, Mike.

“Everything is family stuff,” Gordon said. “If you're going to get a tattoo you've got to get something that you want to keep on your body for the rest of your life.”

For the first time in six years, Gordon feels as if his family is finally whole again.

And most importantly, his relationship with Darryl is as strong as it's ever been.

The two brothers talk on the phone every day to check in on one another. Derrick said Darryl is working, spending plenty of time with the family and staying off the streets.

Then, of course, Darryl is still there to keep his twin motivated on the court.

“He asks me how practice is, if I'm ready for the season and stuff like that,” Derrick said. “He's always making sure I'm focused and stuff like that. He talks about it so much that he feels like he's playing, and I always tell him when he says that, 'You are in a way. You're half of me and I'm half of you, so you're out there on the court with me as well.'”

Darryl echoed his brother's sentiment, saying he feels as if his basketball career has continued through Derrick.

“I always tell people that I am playing, because people always ask me if I want to play basketball again,” he said. “I always tell them that I am still playing through him. That's one of the reasons that I'm always on him as far as working out, and making sure he's doing what he's supposed to be doing as far as bettering his game.

Derrick said their conversations often get deep, and he can't help but tear up when they talk.

“At the end of the day, he wants me to accomplish my dreams,” Derrick said. “My whole family does, but he in general. That's what we talk about every time we're on the phone. 'Man, you're so close,' he tells me. 'Just keep doing what you're doing and you'll accomplish your dreams. You'll hear your name get drafted.'”

The last time Darryl saw his brother play basketball in person was when Derrick was a sophomore in high school. The next time will come Friday at Mullins Center.

“I talked to him (Saturday) and I was telling him, 'I feel like I'm playing, like I'm about to play,'” Darryl said. “I'm hyped up, I'm ready. It's going to be crazy. It's going to be amazing.”

Derrick has always pictured seeing his entire family in the stands together, he said. Now that wish will become reality this season.

“It's going to be great,” Derrick said. “It's going to be my first time seeing my brother since he got out so I may get a little emotional, but I'm excited for him to be able to see me play the best basketball of my life. He's out, so things can't get much better than that honestly.”

* * *

As Gordon goes through the ink on his chest, he comes across a pair of Chinese letters, which spell out “passion.”

Basketball is Gordon's greatest passion. And this season is expected to be his best yet.

He said his game has elevated greatly since the summer, specifically in the perimeter. He said he's honed his outside shot and his teammates are starting to respect that in practice, coming out to contest him from the 3-point line rather than sagging off and daring him to shoot.

UMass coach Derek Kellogg has noted Gordon's improved perimeter game on multiple occasions in the preseason, and is giving him the green light to fire away when open.

“If they go under the screen I can shoot it. If you don't go under it I can drive it. Whatever the defense gives me I'm going to take it,” Gordon said. “That just goes to show my teammates are respecting my jump shot now. Rather than in the past, the other teams we played didn't respect it at all.

“To me, personally, that's just disrespectful. When somebody is backing off you and daring you to shoot it, that's disrespectful to me personally because they're saying you can't shoot the ball.”

Gordon's comes into the season with something else to prove as well. He said this season is not only about showcasing his new skill set, but also about proving that gay athletes can compete at the highest level.

“I want to prove a point because some people – I don't know these people – look at gays as being soft or not tough-minded,” he said. “That's very different from me. I'm very tough-minded. People cal me the 'Honey Badger' for a reason, because I have a motor. I go and go and go. I play angry on the court, a lot of aggression.

“I'm a great player as well. That's why I want to put it out there. You can be yourself and play the sport that you love. Even if you don't play the sport that you love you can be yourself overall and prove to the world that you can do what you love to do.”

He said one of the biggest reasons why many athletes haven't come out yet is because they are waiting to see the response he gets this season. He said people want to see what type of reaction he'll get from crowds, especially for away games, and see how far he can take his basketball career.

It's the type of responsibility Gordon has embraced.

“There's a lot of eyes on me right now, which I don't mind at all,” he said. “But I think that's why a lot of people haven't come out, because they're just sitting back and waiting to see what happens, then if everything goes well with me I'm sure a couple more people will start to come out.”

* * *

As Gordon finishes going over the artwork on his body, it's apparent there's still plenty of space left to be filled.

However, his story is still in progress. In sports, it's said that each season offers a new beginning. So as this new phase in his career, and his life, begins, that empty space is necessary for whatever the future holds.

“I've slowed down a little bit,” he said. “I'm done for now. I don't plan on getting any for a while.”

At least until the next chapter is complete.

Nick Canelas can be reached at nickcan424@gmail.com and followed on Twitter @NickCanelas.