So this popped up on my timeline today…



I don’t really follow celebrities to know all the details of their lives, so truthfully I really don’t give a fuck about Russell Wilson & Ciara getting engaged. They are both grown ass adults capable of making grown ass adult decisions as far as I’m concerned. If they are happy, then so be it.

But in the world of the Blacklantians, it’s a whole different story. In the world of the Blacklantians the engagement of Russell Wilson & Ciara apparently marks the downfall of Black men & Black society. No, I’m not lying. These are actual discussions taking place online amongst the super duper knee grow crowd. Sadly they try to disguise these discussions as “intelligent”. I kid you not.

In the world of the super duper knee grow hailing from Blacklantis, Black women are the end-all be-all of everything that is wrong with Black society (outside of white supremacy of course). Black women are the reason Black men fail. Black women are the reason Black society embraces ratchedness. Black women are the reason every other society views Black society like shit. Black women, Black women, Black women, Black women. Black women are to blame for EVERYTHING. Trust me when I tell you, these are actual conversations taking place non-stop daily amongst the Blacklantians. Even worse, there are a bunch of dumb ass Black women cosigning this foolishness. Seriously, you can’t make this shit up. Rarely is blame ever placed at the feet of Black men.

I was listening to a YouTube personality the other day discussing the tragic murder of Tyshawn Lee. The entire show was dedicated to putting the ultimate responsibility of this child’s senseless murder on that of the child’s actual mother. Not the nigga that actually killed him…but his mother. Real talk, I can’t make this shit up. This person’s entire argument was that since the mother of Tyshawn Lee gave birth to him as an unwed mother in the slums of Chicago, she & every other Black woman are ultimately responsible for the violence taking place in that city amongst Black men which unfortunately claimed the life of her child. I would link you to that video, but I’m not about to give this dude any free press.

If you are a Black woman longing for a Black man, according to the Super Duper Knee Grow Association of Blacklantis, here are the qualities you need to possess & these qualities are non-negotiable:

NO TATTOOS: This is probably the biggest attribute that will not be tolerated in Blacklantis. I don’t care how big the tattoo is or how discreet from public viewing it is. If you possess any type of tattoo, you are automatically deemed a member of “slut culture”. That’s it. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. NO KIDS: To be considered a suitable mate for wifing, you cannot have any kids from a previous relationship. It doesn’t matter how the kids came into the world either. Whether you were young & got pregnant by a dude who turned out later to be shit, whether you were young & got pregnant because you were just young & dumb, whether you are a divorced mother, whether you are a widow….it doesn’t matter. To be eligible wifey material in the world of Blacklantis, you cannot have ANY KIDS AT ALL. Period. If you do, you are a member of “slut culture”. YOU MUST BE IN TOP NOTCH SHAPE: It doesn’t matter how old you are or what your physical limitations may be, you MUST be in top notch physical condition. There is no compromising on this. NO STRETCH MARKS: Even if you are wifed up and have kids by the man who married you, you cannot have stretch marks period. EDUCATED : You must possess at the bare minimum a 4 year degree in something related to STEM (science, technology, engineering, & math) to be taken seriously. CAN’T HAVE FUN: You are not allowed to club hop even occasionally. No girls’ night out. No hanging out at karaoke. Your job is to be sitting at home reading all the Black conscious books you can find. No reality TV, no Empire (DEFINITELY NO EMPIRE). Hell, just don’t even buy a TV. CONSERVATIVELY DRESSED: Forget about getting sexy. You must be conservatively dressed 24/7. Anything that may reveal some skin is blasphemy. You might as well just go find you a niqab to wear & call it a day. IT’S 100% YOUR FAULT: I covered this in the intro. But if you want a long lasting successful relationship with a member of Blacklantis, you MUST be willing to accept that everything wrong in Black society is your fault. If your man cheats on you…your fault. If your man goes out to sell drugs…your fault. If a racist cop kills your man after a traffic stop…your fault. If the economy crashes…your fault. If Donald Trump becomes the next President…your fault. You as a Black woman must be willing to accept every thing wrong in the world is your fault & your fault alone. There is no compromising on this. ACCEPT BEING DEGRADED: You must be willing to accept being called a bastard baby maker, a whore, a slut, a super slut, and a bed wench regardless of the situation. Now I’ve occasionally used the terms bastard baby maker & bed wench, but they were for very specific reasons targeted at very specific people as to why I said them. I’ve yet to run around labeling all Black women any of those terms all willy nilly. But here’s the reality Black woman, if you want you a strong Black man from Blacklantis who knows what’s best for you, you need to accept these labels. 100% SUBMISSION: Listen Black women, in the world of Blacklantians, your only job in life is to submit to the will of Black men without every questioning shit. The moment you try to question something, you are challenging nature. You have no say. Your place is to just be quiet & produce babies born in wedlock. That’s it.

I’m sure some member of Blacklantis will read this & I’m also sure some member of Blacklantis will run back to report to their “leaders” which will result in comment after comment of me caking or being a simp or whatever BS they can conjure up. But the reality is Black women, these are the qualities YOU MUST POSSESS if you want to see Black society survive & thrive. The fate of Black society literally depends upon you being able to meet every one of those traits on this 10-point list I have outlined. YOU & YOU ALONE.

What about the men? Glad you asked.

What about them? Did you not read anything I wrote lol. Men have absolutely no blame whatsoever for the condition of Black society or Black relationships. None. It doesn’t matter how many women a guy has slept with, you are supposed to save yourself for only him. It doesn’t matter how uneducated a guy may be. You better be working on a PhD. It doesn’t matter how many so-called bastard babies he’s created with a bunch of so-called bastard baby makers. You better not have any kids. It doesn’t matter if he gets you pregnant & leaves you. It’s your fault for opening your legs to him because you should have known better. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t have a real career or working towards building a business. You better not try to out excel him or he’ll find a way to say you are holding him down by not letting him be a man & taking the lead. Nothing matters. According to Blacklantis, it is always your fault.

Here’s the reality…

Black men who subscribe to this thinking are nothing more than a bunch of Black men with mommy issues that have never been resolved. That’s it. More than likely everything they wish for their future bride to be is everything their mother was not. Their mother was more than likely the neighborhood hoodrat getting ran through. Their mother more than likely never achieved shit beyond mastering the art of leg spreading. So to a degree it is understandable why they would be so angry & full of hate that they feel the need to devise the ultimate master plan for how to “tame” Black women. But the other side of this is that, the majority of these so-called Black men aren’t worth a damn for any real Black woman to consider entertaining this list. 99% of these dudes are nothing more than Facebook Blacktivists crying & complaining all day long about how Black women are destroying Black society. That’s it. They rarely complain about or advertise their shortcomings. And the women who do cosign this madness are nothing more than a bunch of women with low self-esteem who have somehow convinced themselves that idea of shaping their life to that of a man’s “standards” is 100% the way to go. This shit is so laughable it’s sad.

Oh yeah here’s a bonus for the list:

NO HAIR WEAVES PERIOD. You must be happily nappily. No perms, no weaves, no hair coloring, no juices & berries. Just straight nigga naps. If you can pick it out to look like an Angela Davis 1970s style afro, that’s a plus that will help get you to the front of the line faster.