You might be thinking to yourself reading this that I am down on marriage. I promise I’m not. I’ve been married for over twelve years now…. Some of it even happily. I’m kidding. That joke was low hanging fruit I couldn’t resist.

I have also been married before which is how I know it can all go horribly horribly wrong. Police lineup/body cavity searches wrong. You don’t want that kind of wrong.

I worry that my two adorable yet unbearably naive children will wonder off into the world and not be very careful with their selection of mates. I don’t want to emotionally scar them…. or do I? It’s hard to tell. I want them to view their future choice of mates with more gravity than your average person.

Sometimes I think people make that decision the same way they choose an app on their phones. A life altering decision like that should be made carefully as the consequences can be grave.