PARENTS are to be given the right to make a formal complaint about the fact they are raising a little shit.

Announcing the strategy, schools secretary Ed Balls said the new 'Home-School Agreements' will signal a step-change in the total abandonment of parental responsibility.

He added: "The agreements, to be signed by all teachers, could be used in disciplinary action against them if the six-foot teenage lunatics in their care keep trying to shove a chair leg into the school janitor.

"It will also give parents the opportunity to complain about other parents who are less strict, diligent and, on the whole, less middle class than they are."

Jack Bradford, whose overbearing mother Gemma cannot wait to start complaining, said: "She's going to be there every five minutes reporting all the psychopaths in my year. But it's not her that's going to be made to eat her own phone, is it?"

Nikki Hollis, a mother-of-at-least-eight, from Doncaster said: "They keep sending me these parenting orders but as I have explained, time and time again, I did not get the best education so it just looks like a lot of squiggles to me.

"The main thing is that after blaming CBeebies and Sunny Delight, I can, at long last, force the school to deal with his violent mood swings, his antique knife collection and his persistent arson."

She added: "By the way, have you seen that stuck-up bitch Gemma Bradford anywhere?"