

When my boyfriend first asked me out, I was attracted to him for a petty reason initially (he was in computer science, and him writing programs turned me on!). 5 years later, we are going strong despite a ton of adversity: intercultural relationship tensions, an ex-girlfriend stalker, you name it, we've dealt with it all. He's a great boyfriend. Helps with household work, wants to go out and try new things, can listen to me ramble on incessantly (ha!), etc. I mean, I am floored.



But there's a catch. Other than our taste in movies (he wanted to go watch Hangover III instead of Star Trek, like come on man!), which is just about the only thing we'll debate about, there isn't much "intellectual stimulation" in the relationship. Don't get me wrong - he's smart. And he can tell you all the ins-and-outs of the websites he builds for work. But not even remotely interested in topics related to outside of that (politics, science, the economy, to name a few).



I grew up in an academic family, so I grew up reading the news and having discussions/debates about everything under the sun - everyday. Discussing current issues over lunch with my dad just felt normal. But my boyfriend doesn't believe in reading the news because it's too boring/irrelevant/depressing. I will tell him the news, but that's it. I also love reading, but my boyfriend has no interest in reading, unless it's about something that will help him at work.



These days we'll watch a tv show or two, make dinner, go and have sex, then go to sleep. I feel like it's a cycle rut that we've fallen it. It didn't bother me until I started seeing a therapist for a phobia, and I feel like I'm projecting (erotic transference?) the intellectual stimulation I lack in my relationship onto my therapist. I have to catch myself when I think "gee, my therapist would make a great partner!" only because I realize these feelings are there because it's been a while since I've had a heart-to-heart, intelligent discussion with my partner. I'm not sure how to deal with (what I think wasn't) such a big deal or "missing piece" in this relationship.

Lack of intellectual stimulation in my relationship is bothering me. Projecting feelings onto therapist as a result. How can I remedy this?