I knew it was coming, but not today, please not today. I have to wipe my tears, please wait. Alright I am back. I can’t do this. I can do this right . I can’t take the words that have been spoken to me. I want to hide, please hide me. I feel like I am going to fall apart. My heart is broken, and still breaks even more.

Too many calls today from my brother’s new home. Oh God, can I write this? Please, someone help me, but there is no one here. It is the television and me. I can’t get healed. Too many times I try to get up and get knocked back down.

Al changed, something happened. How can I help? What can I do? He doesn’t know things. He fell today. He is not being able to swallow correctly. They have now asked me to get his walker and bring it home.

They have studied him for a while and say he is getting too weak. He has to use a wheelchair from now on. Every thing he does now has to be supervised and watched. He is forgetting how to do things.

I was told he may live for a long time but he will be immobile sooner then they wanted. They asked me not to come today as he is very confused. They said he is angry at every one and sees no more hope in his life.

He is crying. I am crying. Oh Lord raise me up to the challenges you are forcing me to see.

I am to go in and pick-up his walker tomorrow and have the care plan meeting at 1. All I can hear in my head is, he may live for a long time but he will be immobile. Please Lord, help him, calm his soul, bring him peace. Deliver the strength I need to do this. I love him so much Lord, he is my brother…………..Amen

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