“Do you like the smell of my taint?” …sung to the tune of the State Farm jingle. -GrimeBone

There is an HGH shitstorm swirling around Peyton Manning right now, but I am sure you have already heard everyone’s opinion on that, so, let’s focus on that time he rubbed his asshole and balls in a female trainer’s face while he was a quarterback at the University of Tennessee. In a court filed deposition, former Tennessee trainer Jamie Ann Nautright claimed:

she was examining Manning to see why Manning was having pain in one of his feet and was crouched behind him when “entirely unprovoked, Peyton Manning decided to pull down his shorts and sit on Dr. Naughright’s head and face.” As Naughright described it in a deposition entered into the court record: “It was the gluteus maximus, the rectum, the testicles and the area in between the testicles. And all that was on my face when I pushed him up. … To get leverage, I took my head out to push him up and off.”

He sat on her face! Rubbed his grundle, balls, and asshole right up in her grill piece! That is pretty bold. She filed a report afterwards with the Sexual Assault Crisis Center in Knoxville, Tennessee, but settled out of court with the university. A settlement that mandated her resignation upon acceptance on the settlement. Nautright even had another trainer corroborate her story that Manning had sexually assaulted her. Now we know where adult film star, James Deen, may have gotten some his moves from.

Naturally, Peyton Manning has refuted this. His “story” is that he was playing a prank on a fellow University of Tennessee athlete and pulled down his pants to moon him, completely unaware that Nautright was right behind him. When he dropped his pants, she just so happened to be right behind him in the crosshairs of his ass hairs. That totally makes sense right? He was just messing around, trying to show his turd cutter to another dude as a prank and “accidentally” sat on this broad’s head. It must be rather difficult to keep track of the person that you are receiving medical treatment from, right? You can make your own decision, but come on, it seems rather ignorant to think that showing someone a pressed ham could lead to a sexual assault claim that someone’s face was literally in your asshole.

Nautright has successfully sued Peyton Manning twice for defamation since this incident. He keeps trying to propagate his totally believable, just playing a prank where the front part of you head just so happened make contact with my grundle “story,” and every time he says it in public, she successfully sues him for it. Like the time he and his dad, Archie, wrote a book and made mention on the “prank gone wrong.”

So there you go. Now we can get back to asking questions like, “Why was Peyton Manning’s wife getting HGH shipped to their house during the same time that Peyton Manning underwent three different neck surgeries from which he was having a difficult time recovering from and had already caused him to miss an entire year of football but then came back to have the best year a quarterback has ever had in the history of the NFL?”

–GrimeBone Follow @grimebone