It’s Week 1 and the college football season is finally kicking into gear. We’re just a few days from our first Saturday full of heartbreaking losses, shocking upsets and Jim Harbaugh blaming everything on the SEC.

We know that making jokes at your opponent’s expense is as much a part of the fan experience as anything else, and this season we want to make it easier for you.

So we’ll take the top game and provide all the trash-talking you’ll need to get through game week. Feel free to steal these one-liners and use them on message boards, social media, around your office, or wherever else you might need to.

For Week 1, we’re focusing on the primetime matchup of Auburn vs. Oregon. Buckle up, lame Ducks.

Week 1 Trash Talk: Auburn vs. Oregon

1. It’s nice that Oregon’s helmets always remind us of the number of championships they’ve won.

2. Oregon is famous for having alternate uniforms for every game, and also for having alternate head coaches for every other season.

3. Oregon once debuted a glow in the dark uniform that was designed to beautifully illuminate all of their 0 championship banners.

4. It’s great that Oregon can now start a season the way they usually end it, by losing a big game in a neutral stadium.

5. Maybe if Mario Cristobal wins he’ll get promoted back to being Alabama’s O-Line coach.

6. Only one of these teams hired Willie Taggart. And it wasn’t Auburn.

7. Oregon thinks they’re cool because Phil Knight is an alum, but Tim Cook could buy Knight 7 times over, turn Orgeon’s football facilities into an Apple Store no one ever goes to, and it would still be a better use of money than Knight’s donations to Oregon football have been.

8. Marcus Mariota eats alone at the Heisman House.

9. Justin Herbert could have gone pro last year, but he took one look at what happens to Oregon QBs when they enter the NFL and decided to stay.

10. Mario Cristobal got fired for underperforming at Florida International, and then a few years later Oregon made him its head coach. Sorry, but it doesn’t get funnier than that.

11. In 5 years, the Pac-12 has won a total of 1 Playoff games. We’d say that’s pretty embarrassing, but that’s still more than Notre Dame.

12. Remember that time Oregon lost a National Championship game to a team playing its 3rd-string quarterback?

13. Oregon is like the Batman of college football, in that they’re only successful because they were given a bunch of money and have no actual power.

14. The only thing more disappointing than Joey Harrington in the NFL is trying to find something fun to do in Eugene, Oregon.

15. The real Oregon Trail is going into the season with a bunch of hype and winning a bunch of games only to lose the most important one at the end of the season.

16. Oregon has a state-of-the-art facility, which means they’ll be super comfortable when watching the Playoff games on TV this year.

17. What would you rather watch: a random Pac-12 game or 4 hours of original programming on the ACC Network? Trick question, nobody is watching either.

18. Oregon is the only school whose mascot is more successful than the football team.

19. List of places that Chip Kelly thought were better than returning to Eugene:

Philadelphia

San Francisco

A cramped studio in Bristol, Connecticut

Coaching the 4th-most popular football team in Los Angeles

20. Oh, and this: