I’m 22 years old, and an average everyday female living in Miami. I’m passionate about music, especially dance music, more specifically trance. And I love seeing good DJ’s perform live at awesome clubs. Now that’s not exactly the reason why I moved to Miami, but it was definitely a factor. But honestly, I don’t even go out anymore. I can’t bear it. Guys who poke their penis into your ass at any given moment, clubs being uptight about how you look in order to get on a promoter’s guest list, greedy, selfish, bottle whore girls… it’s disgusting.

People aren’t going out to enjoy music, have fun, and let loose anymore-they’re going out to prove their status, show off their fake boobs, hook up with someone to dull their feelings of inadequacy, get unnecessarily wasted aka “turnt up,” and wind up showing an entire club of strangers their vaginas. Our generation, especially females, makes my head hurt. Yes we’re young, and dumb, but mistakes we make now, can seriously impact our future. YOLO might be true, but things like HIV and alcoholism just seem to last forever.

But, have no fear, because I have devised a plan of how to enjoy this lifestyle, while at the same time remaining classy and keeping your dignity intact. Now girls please don’t be so hard on yourselves, I have broken my own rules plenty of times. But had I followed them, life would have been so much easier.

1. Stop Dressing Like This

Yes, you’re going to a club/venue and wearing a sexy outfit is the norm. But oh my god someone please smack this girl upside the head. I am very sick and tired of girls calling guys pigs, because when you make yourself look like a cheap whore, guys will treat you like that. It’s human nature to judge people by their appearance, and as much as that can annoy me, I’ve come to accept it. I want to be treated with respect, so I’m going to respect myself and present myself in a classy way. I think the biggest downfall of our generation, especially females, is this mindset: “Times have changed. Women have gotten somewhere in this world and should not have to cover up their bodies. FREE THE NIPPLE (actual movement going on currently).”

But just giving all your goodies away to men for free… seems counterproductive doesn’t it? If you don’t want men to see you as a sexual object, realize that you’re much more than that!

2. If You’re Going To Get Wasted Please Wear Underwear

Ok this is self-explanatory. Bandage dresses are super popular right now, and a lot of women forego underwear when they wear them to avoid VPL (visible panty line – and yes I am guilty of this too). But, if you know you are going to get wasted when you go out, invest in some Hanky Pankies (seamless, super comfy thongs that will not show through your dress). Let’s be honest when we get a little intoxicated we want to dance on a table and don’t often realize when our legs are little further apart than they should be. In this case, it’s just better to be safe than sorry.

3. It’s Better To Bring Two Girls With You, Preferably Two Who Aren’t Stupid B*tches Or Dramatic

It’s always good to go out with females because you know if you get a little too drunk you don’t have to worry about waking up next to them the next morning praying you used protection (of course if you roll that way you do you). And bringing 2 is always better than 1. If one girl decides to go dance with a guy you don’t get stuck being poked in the butt by the ugly, creepy friend. Also, if one goes off talking to an ex, starting drama, or just disappears like some of us are known to do, you’re not alone. These girls should definitely be drama-free and have the intention of simply having fun with the girls though. Girls who go out with the intention of getting fucked up and getting fucked aren’t people you need to be around. Always remember you are the company you keep.

4. If You Can Barely Walk Out Your Door In Those Shoes, Change Them

You are going to be out walking/dancing/whatever for at least 3 hours. So make sure those shoes aren’t ones you need to take off in the middle of the night. You don’t want to know what is on those club floors or that street. Be a classy lady and either take the pain or choose your shoes wisely.

5. If Your Job Isn’t Related To Nightlife And You Find You Go Out More Than 3 Times A Week, Get Your Sh*t Together

We are young and we should definitely have fun while we can, but life is all about balance and moderation. Going out and getting wasted can sometimes really be a waste of time. You’re having superficial conversations with people who add no value to your life and drinking alcohol which weakens your immune system, adds toxins to your body, and makes you retain belly fat. Maybe instead of going out so much you should pick up a healthy, mind expanding hobby like yoga or art. Also, do you not have work or school tomorrow? Oh you don’t have a job? Even if mommy and daddy support you, having a job is actually very rewarding, especially if it’s in a field you’re interested in. You learn discipline, team work, and problem solving.

6. People Take Drugs. It’s Not My Thing, But If It’s Yours Know Your Limit

It’s sad to say but clubbing and drugging are almost synonymous today. Personally, it’s just not my thing anymore, and I absolutely don’t condone it. Sure I used to be insane and crazy, but it destroyed my life, and I’m never going back. Some people don’t have terrible experiences with drugs like I did, and I get that, some people can take drugs on weekends and be fine. But, let’s take a look at music festivals like Electric Zoo (2 MDMA related deaths) and EDC LA (which got banned for so many drug overdoses and deaths). Moral of the story: Know your limit, know your drugs, and stay safe. And please don’t chew on your drink straw like a squirrel with sunglasses on at the club, you just look insane.

7. Why The F*ck Are You Crying In A Club?

This really, really needs to stop. Women need to learn not to depend on guys for their self-esteem and confidence. When drinking it becomes exacerbated, and you end up crying in the bathroom because a guy you liked looked at another girl. Guys aren’t there to make you happy! They are there to share your time with and connect with! And hey if a guy calls you ugly, screw him and go dance with your girls! You shouldn’t surround yourself with people who belittle you anyways! He’s not worth your tears!

8. If You Feel The Need To Incessantly Hook Up With Someone At The Club, At Least Hide On The Dance Floor

Add some liquor, a girl in a sexy dress, a horny guy and you’re going to end up with a hot makeout session. At the club it’s bound to happen. But if you find a really cute guy you just feel the need to kiss, at least go on the dance floor and camouflage yourself in the crowd. You don’t need people reminding you of that night you hooked up with the ginger who was wearing khaki pants at the club.





I really hope some ladies follow this advice