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PHILADELPHIA, PA – “Far too often medical students realize too late that primary care is nightmarishly broad, poorly compensated, and bloated with paperwork,” explains Dr. Marshall Marshall, one of a few dozen medical school deans.

By the time they realize that primary care is mostly the management of hypertension and vague psychosomatic symptoms, many students have already picked out their fourth-year schedule. “This is obviously a giant problem,” explains Marshall.

“To maximize the chances that students will choose more lucrative fields and give generous cash donations to their alma mater,” Marshall added, “early exposure to the clinic is paramount.”

Jessica, a second-year medical student who had just spent half a day at the resident clinic, agrees.

“While I could have used these last four hours to study for my exam or reconnect with family and friends that I haven’t seen in weeks, I’m really fortunate that I have early clinic exposure.” After watching a senior resident fail to convince a patient that you should take your blood pressure meds even if you feel okay, she is now considering ophthalmology instead of family medicine. As she left clinic she was heard chanting, “Every disease manifests itself in the eye” under her breath.