Image via Mensez

Man thinks women should glue their labia shut during their periods. Can’t even believe I just typed those words

Ladies! A male chiropractor has arrived to solve all of our menstrual problems. Why use tampons and sanitary napkins when you can literally glue your labia shut? Why haven’t we ever thought of this?

Probably because it’s absurd, and no thanks for the help, moron.

A Facebook post by the maker of “Mensez Feminine Lipstick” has gone viral this week. Really trying not to despise and/or make-fun of the opposite sex in our recent political climate, but shit like this makes it so, so hard. Wichita, Kansas chiropractor Daniel Dopps is the genius behind this invention.

“Have you ever woke up with your lips stuck together? It didn’t hurt and was kind of fun,” Dopps writes. ” All you had to do was to wet your lips from the inside with saliva and they become unstuck. That is the principle behind Mensez and a revolutionary safer solution for women to control their periods without the need for tampons, pads, vag cups, or period panties.”

What?

“Mensez is a natural combination of amino acids and oil in a lipstick applicator that is applied to the lips downunder during the period,” he continues. “It causes them to stick together, strong enough to prevent leakage, that is until the user urinates. The urine instantly unsticks the labia and allows everything to wash out into the toilet… coming to a store near you soon.”

I’m sorry, WHAT?

All of those words are ridiculous. But the most ridiculous is “coming to a store near you soon.” No. No, it’s not.

Dopps and his penis had to do something for us little ladies with vaginas and periods. We haven’t been able to come up with a sensible solution to contain the blood that flows out of our bodies because we’re “too focused and distracted by our period 25% of the time” making us “far less productive” than we could be. Yes, I’d definitely be more productive walking around with my labia glued shut. That wouldn’t freak me the hell out at all.

Enter “Mensez.” If mansplaining had a brand, this would be it. It’s literally a ball sack with the words “Men-sez” on it.

“Yes, I am a man and you as a woman, should have come up with a better solution than diapers and plugs, but you didn’t,” writes Dopps in a comment that was thankfully screencapped for all the world to see. His Facebook page is no longer up; on his website he claims it was “hacked.”

“Do you realize that most skin care products and makeup were developed by men,” asks Dopps of the women who flocked to his page to let him know how absurd this is. “You said that Mensez sounds incredibly awful, it is not,” says the man who will never be tasked with gluing his vagina shut.

Forbes reached out to Dopps to get some clarification regarding some of the issues women were having with this product. Namely, “How is this compound blood and sweat proof, but somehow dissolved by ammonia in the urine? Can users be sure that the urine will fully dissolve the seal? What about the risk of infection from retained menstrual fluids?” Dopps responded, “It will be thoroughly tested and improved. It makes more sense than putting the plug up there,” and that “we’re using the vagina like a bladder just like tampons do.”

Again, WHAT? “Using the vagina like a bladder just like tampons do?” Does this man know the difference between a urethra and a vagina? He ended a LinkedIn post about his product with, “No pads or tampons are needed. Safe, secure and clean. #MenstruationMatters #Mensez” Let’s all just pretend like we never saw either of those hashtags.

Dopps digs himself into an even deeper ditch attempting to explain why he’s so grossed out by periods.

“Guys love to kiss lipstick… when it is neatly on the lips where it belongs, but if it is smeared outside the lip line it becomes gross… that’s because humans like things to be in their place and when they are displaced we perceive it as gross, nasty, and unhealthy”

Will someone tell this misogynist idiot we don’t need his vagina glue? Please and thank you.

Also, new rule: you have to have first seen a vagina before you can make a product for it. Period.