Karen: Because it’s still a contest. But soon after meeting Ron I realized that the only way I could marry Andy was if he would let me officiate at his wedding. Brigitte: And I always knew I would never be the man that Andy wanted. We were all roommates in Chicago and you are privy to private moments when you see the best and worst of each other and I can always remember a little nugget of time when Andy was starting to question his sexuality and would he choose Karen or Brigitte. Because it’s still a contest. We would always hub-bub, “I just don’t understand why he doesn’t find someone amazing!” And then we met Ron and Andy became truthful to himself and opened himself up to a beautiful human being. And we as family — because we are a family — we are so grateful that Andy found his partner in life. And we’re okay conceding with Ron. Andy: And the tiara. Brigitte: We do leave you with this parting moment — for both of you.

They then serenaded us with the song ‘I Know Him So Well’ from the musical Chess.

My sister told everyone the three reasons that is as a great little brother which would be why I’ll be an amazing husband.

My sister and I, yesterday and on the big day.

I am Andy’s big sister and now Ron’s big sister as well. So I’m going to tell a little story about Andy that exemplifies the three treats he has that make him the perfect partner. It’s a good story, I promise. When we were little, I was the big sister so mom and dad would leave us home alone and occasionally I would lock him out of the house. Let me just say there were two doors into and out of the house and one of the doors was always open. He would be at the front door and it would be locked an I would say, “But the back door is open!” So we would run around to the back and I would lock that door becasue it was faster to run through the house. And he would say, “Let me in the house!” and I would say, “Well, the front door is open.” So we did this for years — I inflicted this upon him and this sort of exemplifies three things because he never told our parents. It took 22 years until we told mom and dad. So after 22 years we mentioned it to mom and dad who were mortified that I would do this to him but he was my little brother! You’re gonna pick on your little brother, right? So this exemplifies three things that make Andy a perfect partner to you Ron. One, he can keep a secret. He can keep a secret for at least 22 years. So you know you’re good. You got 22 years after that no promises. The second is, he’s loyal. Because I told him if he told mom and dad that they would force me to be adopted by someone else. It’s a Catholic family, a lot of guilt traditions. And third, he doesn’t hold a grudge because he still loved me even though I occasionally locked him out of the house. So those three traits will serve you both well. And I want to thank Ron for making my brother smile. For making him happy and for giving him a home. We love you guys.

Our friend Sam, told us of an old Greek proverb that he felt was reflected our lives:

Sam gives a toast and leaves us in stitches.

You have made the biggest skeptic in love, a believer. In Greek mythology they say, human beings were created with two heads, four arms, four legs, and one heart. But since they disobeyed the gods, the gods cut them in half and they had to look for their other half for the rest of their lives. And I believe that you are part of all this. Watching you guys plan out your life together, you make every thing just wonderful. I love you guys. I’m so proud of you.

Our friend Eddie, spoke of his admiration for our devotion and our contribution to his own life:

Eddie’s heartfelt toast.

My closest, sweetest, most kindest, generous friends that I’ve ever met. I’ve only known him for two years but it feels like a lifetime. They’ve been there with me through thick and thin. Happy, sad, everything. Today I am so proud to be there with them to celebrate this day and see them be husband and husband. I just wish them pure happiness, joy, love, and — just a lot of love throughout their lifetime. They are the model of what I want in life. Respect. Love. Someday I’ll find it. Someday.

I knew I was going to lose it when it was Ron’s mom’s turn to talk. She’s the classic steely Filipina immigrant mom who has done everything for her kids and crawled through hell so her children can have opportunities on this side of the world. She simply started walking up to us and I couldn’t hold back the tears. She has done so much for them and she loves Ron so very much.

Ron hugs his mom as she gives a toast.

Ronald is always the best son. I have three of them! He always takes care of me. And everywhere he goes. He finds a way to buy a present for me every time. And I love him so much. And he’s so far away. And thanks to Andy for taking care of each other.

More sniffles in the crowd.

My dad gave a fantastic toast that referenced the Kim Davis madness in Kentucky and also re-iterated the relationship advice he had given me when I first came out at 25:

I will have each and every one of you know that this message has been pre-approved. I had to audition. “You can’t tell that story! You can tell this story. Nah, don’t tell that story. I will tell you that Andy’s big adventure. Andy is probably the most unique child I’ve worked with. I’ve been a teacher for thirty-four fun-filled years as an educator. But he was different. He saw — he could catch the wind and touch the stars. He could write. He could act. He could play. He didn’t play a great deal of athletics mainly because of his different allergies. What he had was the kernel of love and compassion and he had this background of his grandfather was German, grandmother was French… and I will stop that story. I have my ADHD.

Mom and dad give their toast.

And I will share with you that my wife and I, Diane, who is the most important person in my life, have just celebrated our 48th anniversary. Andy was incredible. Moved with his colleagues to Chicago. And I remember he’d call up and say, “Dad, this is really crazy. Every Sunday, Brigitte and Karen and us get together and we go out and go coat shopping. We’re trying to find coats that don’t make us look fat.” I’m thinking that’s just part of growing up and finding who you really are. He came home once and said, “You know, I think I’m going to date men.” I said, “Okay.” And I said, “You know, if you have in this life a chance to find somebody that makes you happy inside, that you can love, and you can share things with, and help you get through the hard times, and celebrate the good things, you’ve really found somebody to love.” And I said, “Grab them and hold tight because this ride of life is over so quickly, and he was lucky enough to find another dreamer and stargazer with Ron. And they fit like a glove. They are an amazing couple. Talented, dancers, artists, and we’d really like to get them home in Middle America and traumatize Ron with all the things the Midwest has that San Francisco doesn’t have. And I’m so happy for Ron and Andy and the members of the community here this is a wonderful time in your life to celebrate your uniqueness and who you are rather than what you can’t be. I mean, we’re coming from Kentucky, where the big thing down there we’re having issues with is issuing marriage licenses, but that’s going to come to an end quite quickly. Because the marijuana crop is being harvested and that’ll take the pressure off the gay marriage. But congratulations to you both. I love you. We treasure you. We treasure you when you get home. And Karen, Brigitte we follow you on Facebook and we get so excited with your ups and your downs. And that’s part of this — well you know you’re all a family. Just a wonderful family. And to celebrate all the people that have come here and traveled for you is quite remarkable. Congratulations on your nuptials and hear, hear!

I was really happy all of our San Francisco friends got to spend time with my family. Everyone adores my parents and thinks my sister and brother-in-law are hysterically funny. Which they are.

Oh good the toasts were done.

“Your turn!” Ron pointed to me. I drew a deep breath:

I am overwhelmed at everybody that’s here today. Thank you much for spending your day with us — and your life with us. We are very fortunate to have you all of you in our lives. Thank you so much.

Ron’s turn:

Ron and I give our toasts as well.

There’s no words that I can say. We came to San Francisco knowing no one here. We didn’t know anybody. We had no idea what kind of life we were going to have here. And for you guys to be here and to share in this special day… there’s no words I can say. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. I wish I could share with you or I could at least make you feel what I’m feeling today. One day you probably will and I hope I’m there. Thank you so much.

Cutting the Cake

When we settled on the sunflower theme for the wedding we knew we wanted that reflected in the cake as well.

Our coordinator suggested having a cutting cake and then individual cakes for each guest. Not a cupcake but an actual individual cake. We loved the idea. We dropped the fondant option because even though it looks amazing everybody ends up eating around it anyway. With sunflower embellishments and yellow and blue to match our palette.