Low Fat Whipped Dressing in Coffee

In the comments to a previous post, a fellow named Taft wrote the following:

I shared the love on Metafilter a few days ago. So perhaps I have a voice in what you review next (heh)? I suggest mayonnaise and/or crumbled up Doritos in the grounds.

Indeed, the link from Metafilter is largely responsible for a lot of this blog’s recent success, so Taft deserves special attention. Mayonnaise it is!

Except I don’t have any mayonnaise around. I don’t even have its cheap and ugly little brother, Miracle Whip. Oh, but what have we here? PC Low Fat Whipped Dressing? I suppose that’s the next next best thing.

After my Eggspresso post, several people wrote in to suggest improvements. One that came up repeatedly was to whisk the egg into a little bit of coffee, then slowly add the rest, so it turns into a thick cream rather than a chunky mess. Since whipped dressing has egg in it, I thought I’d try this technique.

It seems to be working. There are a few floaty bits, but mostly it looks like coffee with a nice amount of cream.

I slowly whisk in a full mug. It’s looking good. Doesn’t smell too bad. Maybe this will be a surprise success. Bottoms up.

Oh. Oh my god. The moment it enters my mouth, I know that something has gone wrong. It’s sour; oh jesus, it’s like acid burning my tongue.

In the name of science, I take another sip. No yeah, this is the closest I’ve come to chugging vomit. Somehow it’s even worse than blue cheese dip.

I should have gone with the Doritos.