St. Louis, MO—

Bitcoin’s value as a cryptocurrency has exploded in recent weeks, and Bitcoin millionaires are springing up across the world. However, economists have warned that such rapid growth suggests that Bitcoin is neither a sound investment nor a stable currency.

Bitcoin enthusiasts, though, remain adamant that Bitcoin will never drop in value.

“Bitcoin’s near exponential growth means, without a doubt in my mind, that Bitcoin can only go up,” said local Bitcoin proponent Michael Thomason of Clayton. “The proof is in the pudding, and I made $300,000 today with just one Bitcoin. Tell me that’s not awesome. Bitcoin isn’t a bubble about to burst.”

Our Halfway Post reporter related the story that police departments and the US government are quickly moving to sell all criminally-seized Bitcoins in federal possession before the bubble bursts and all Bitcoins are worthless, but that did not faze Mr. Thomason.

“That just means more Bitcoins for me to buy,” Thomason replied. “Starting tomorrow I’ve decided that I’m going to be using all my bitcoin earnings to buy more Bitcoins—if everyone did that, Bitcoin’s value could conceivably go up forever and ever. We could all be trillionaires next year. There’s just no way something fishy is going on when so many people are making so much money.”

The Halfway Post reporter asked if Thomason could imagine Bitcoin investors making a bank run and cashing out their Bitcoins, setting off an epic depreciation of Bitcoin’s value, but Thomason refused to acknowledge anyone would do that.

“Even if that did happened, which it won’t, I would just buy all their Bitcoins with the value of my Bitcoins. In fact, if I could just keep buying Bitcoins on my own, I could conceivably singlehandedly increase Bitcoin’s value indefinitely. Inflation is virtually impossible with digital commodities like Bitcoins.”

The Halfway Post reporter laughed and wished Thomason good luck.

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