The Modern Day Plague Of Polygamy:

The Plague of Polygamy May Be Gone, But its Sexist Mentality Remains…

Recently a dear friend brought to my attention a sobering experience, speaking of her teenage daughter attending an LDS youth conference out on the local lake. With the group gathered on the large boat one of the leaders noticed she’d chosen to wear a swimsuit that only moderately covered her mostly bare shoulders, needless to say her leader and bishopric member proceeded to shame and belittle her publicly over her “inconsiderate decision” to subject the young men in the boat to this “inescapable temptation”.

What bothered me further was the fact that not 5 feet across from her sat one of her young men friends, wearing nothing but a Speedo (Equivalent of a male thong), yet over the hours on the lake not a single comment was made about his inappropriate display of his skin in front of the girls… NOT ONE. The double standard and treatment of women in the LDS church is downright medieval, primitive, and lacks the most basic levels of compassion, respect, and love when it comes to equality.

As a young man growing up in the LDS church I was blissfully unaware of most everything happening around me, I had my friends, my scriptures, cool leaders who inspired me to be better in every way, but what I failed to see was the anguish and harm being done to my female friends and family. I’d wager to say that many men would say the same, concerning their perception of how women in our church are treated and demoralized on a regular basis. I can’t help but ask myself where this treatment originated, and why its been allowed to continue for hundreds of years?

THE ANSWER?… POLYGAMY

The pains and sorrows from polygamy may very well be what the LDS church will always be known for to the outside world, consisting of generations of horror stories, pain, sadness, and despair from the women brought into its ungodly practice. Viewed as somewhat of a power grab by early leaders, Prophets, Apostles, and other major leaders were widely known for competing to see who could obtain the most wives. For the men involved polygamy was far more than just sex, it was a display of power both for this life and the next.

As we read the diaries of these poor women engulfed in the power grab of obtaining polygamous women, it becomes clear it will forever haunt the LDS church for decades. The practice was as controversial and as taboo as it gets in any religious discussion, leaders sending husbands away on missions to slyly convince already married women to take on a second husband, tearing families apart.

Women who were told their own (and entire families) salvation depended on them saying yes to marriage. Men taking their hand in marriage, only to stick them in a tiny shack, ignoring them for the rest of their lives as he sold her possessions for his gain, and her fearing that some younger prettier wife would come along and rip him away from her attention forever. All were common practices in early polygamy. Women were clearly viewed as being more property than human beings. Their opinions and feelings were irrelevant.

While there was at times rare women who enjoyed the practice, by and large the commandment was despised and feared by women alike. Frequently they would hear such terms from Brigham young as “It is the duty of a woman to be obedient to her husband, and unless she is, I would not give a damn for her”. Her entire worth was based upon her willingness to sit silently by and support him as her husband grew in power and stature, “helping to build up the church”.

It is no wonder modern LDS women fear the return of this despised and unfathomable eternal commandment in the next life. Married LDS women constantly are forced with an internal struggle, asking themselves deep within “Will I be strong enough to sit by and watch my husband being forced into the everlasting covenant of polygamy? Will I be ok sharing the man I love with another woman?” Doctrine & Covenants 132 strikes fear into most hearts, stating “For behold, I reveal unto you a new and an everlasting covenant; and if ye abide not that covenant, then are ye damned; for no one can reject this covenant and be permitted to enter into my glory. For all who will have a blessing at my hands shall abide the law which was appointed for that blessing, and the conditions thereof, as were instituted from before the foundation of the world”.

Many of my single female friends fear what is to come in the next life should they not find a man to marry in this life, and be assigned marriage to a man who already is married in heaven. Its fear is crippling, devastating, and downright depressing.

SO… WHY DOES POLYGAMY STILL MATTER? THE PLAGUE IS GONE, BUT ITS EFFECTS LINGER

Why does polygamy still matter? While the polygamous marriages still take place within our temples for eternal purposes, and its practice here on earth may have ceased, its poisons still heavily lingers in the mentality and policies found in LDS teachings that are directed towards women. Undoubtedly we’ve all seen at some point in our lives times when the power of the priesthood had been abused by those who held it, as a means to manipulate or control the women instead of blessing them with it. Undoubtedly we’ve seen inequality and sexist teachings harm the minds of our youth, causing them to feel shame and guilt. We find it in our temples, our ward buildings, We see it from our leaders, our rules, our polices, and we feel it as we watch those we care about being treated as second class citizens.

I WANT TO SEE THE TEMPLE, ON SECOND THOUGHT MAYBE NOT…

It can be said that going to the temple is the pinnacle experience for each and every LDS saint, our goal, our purpose, our earthly objective, yet when we finally go why is it so many feel sick to their stomachs about the things they’re taught inside? As someone who strives for equality, each and every time I walk into the temple its messages makes so many of us cringe, we see messages of manipulation aimed towards again treating women as objects, possessions, loyal subjects to do a mans bidding.

Seeing Emma become a total afterthought in the temple only seals the dangers of polygamy, as Joseph took 25 women as his bride before Emma in the temple… It was clear, and even mentioned that the temple was truly a place where polygamy could be enforced. Inside women become reliant on men for their very salvation, for without the men they cannot hope to obtain eternal life. They are second class citizens in the very “House of God”. It’s clear polygamy has left behind a message of male control and domination which continues to resonate with the leadership of the church.

PRIESTHOOD ABUSE & MANIPULATION

How am I to feel as a husband and father of a young girl when I see Bishops untrained in all things socially, psychologically, and even spiritually, instructing young girls how their wardrobe is detrimental to the young boys around her, and that it’s her duty to save them from the boys uncontrollable urges? Can we not see that such statements reduces her self-worth and opinion of herself to being an object, not an individual?

How am I to feel when bishops across the country are probing deeper into their sexual questioning and overstepping their bounds? How am I to feel when I see dozens and dozens of LDS bishops on the news being locked away for raping the youth who trusted them, similar to the Catholic Church scandals in ages past, abusing their power to trick the women they oversee?

How am I not to take action when I hear the Prophet President Woodruff & George Q. Cannon proclaiming things like: “Young women will see no need to lobby for rights.”, that they are “concerned about the consequences of LDS women getting the vote, to be equal to every man” and that “despite their good intentions they cannot be trusted to do so”. How am I to sit still when Heber J Grant prophetically stated that “women need to be ruled” since it’s “their job in life to follow”, just as Brigham taught “IT IS THE DUTY OF THE WOMAN TO SUBMIT CHEERFULLY… “

How can my wife or daughter feel valued when prophets Joseph F Smith, Harold B Lee, and Brigham Young teach them that ”Sisters have no right to meddle in the affairs of the kingdom of God”, and that up until 4 years ago women weren’t even permitted to pray in general conference. Are they truly valued as equals and individuals? Do we value their opinion by discouraging them to vote or have rights? Do we show sincerity when men declare their sole job in life is to submit to men and follow a man? If this is Gods church would he then see them as equals as taught during marriage? would he not value their opinions, their influence, or their agency to help lead and direct as equal partners?

THE DOUBLE STANDARD THAT IS MODESTY

As a male I’ve never had to experience the public humiliation of having an adult belittle and humiliate me in front of all of my friends and peers, treating me as if I’d just killed a man, all for wearing a dress or sleeves that were a few centimeters too short and revealing. But I’ve seen it one too many times… The sad truth is women in our church live with one of the most flawed double standards in modern day religion, being told frequently it’s their duty to cover up because “boys cant control themselves” when faced with seeing an extra centimeter or inch of skin. A message that not only shames women, but reduces their self-worth to being nothing more than an object or a possession, just as in the days of polygamy. Their worth is taught as being based not on their intellect, nor their personality, nor their accomplishments, or even their actions, but purely by virtue & dress…

What does it say about our mentality when the women of the church are taught for decades by President Kimball that “A good parent would rather see their child killed, than to see them lose their Chasity or Virtue”… How can those who are abused, raped, or make mistakes honestly feel they have any value left when they’re taught that once they’re sexuality has been unleashed they are only worth that of “used gum” to be cast away and stomped on… These women have so much worth and value far beyond their bodies and their virtue, but sadly few will ever hear from our church.

The number of abuse and rape cases as of late are astonishing, and worse their stories of heartbreaking. Wives being told by their bishop to remain silent about the physical abuse from a priesthood holding husband because the bishop “knows deep down he’s a good man”, only allowing the abuse to continue and worsen over time. We hear of the many women in our church who have been raped, yet are ashamed to come forward because all those who do are treated as villains instead of victims, being looked down on as having wanted to sin… To tell the victim to get over it and remain silent only makes it that much more traumatic and depressing, and only shows the abuser they can get away with more.

Say Nothing, Do Nothing, Become Nothing

While admittedly the proclamation to the family may have some bits and pieces of good advice, its overall message is just another excuse to hold women down, limit their success, and prevent their participation in the most vital aspects of the gospel. Don’t believe me? Sit down and watch conference next year, your sure to hear dozens of polarizing statements of how the men need to take charge, and the women need to get in line and start following rather than leading. Careers? Don’t even consider it, said Bruce R. Mcconkie. Their job is to “stay pure and remain at home so her husband can bless their lives”.

Elder Ballard has made it pretty clear that women don’t belong in the work place, that their only lot in life is that of a nurturing mother. “Don’t even think of wearing pants”, “put on some lip stick for when he gets home”, “Why aren't you married yet?”, “Why don’t you have children yet?”. Why do the young men get three times a larger budget than the young women? The message is clear… In the eyes of the church LDS women belong at home, Without achievements, personal growth, or influence in the major functions of the church, and most of all, hopeless other than to better the lives of her children.

WOMEN ARE CAPABLE OF SO MUCH MORE, IN BOTH THE CHURCH & SOCIETY

“Being a leader is not being favored. Submission is a woman’s sacred place”

As a male I can honestly say if the men of the church were to step aside, and allow the women to lead the church for just a few months, nearly every last issue would be resolved in that time. Every… Last… Issue… FIXED. The policies, the commandments, the issues of faith, the honesty about our history, the truth about our past leaders, I have little doubt we as a group would swallow our pride, fix our weaknesses, and finally move on.

Yet for some oblivious reason the leadership issues PR statements teaching ”Because women are closer to god, they don’t need the priesthood power”. REALLY? You mean to tell me our most faithful, closely connected with God, led, and inspired saints are sitting by on the side lines not being allowed to use the gifts God gave to them?

Did not Christ tell his disciples that “if they had even the faith the size of a mustard seed they could move mountains”? So here we are with women whose faith is the size of watermelons, capable of far greater good than we as men are, who area honest and forthcoming, caring and nurturing, whose faith and will power is far beyond our own, and we’re just going to ignore it? we’re going to allow the poor to remain poor, the needy to remain needy? the sick to remain sick? and allow thick headed males (my self included haha) to continue to drive the church into the ground and leave the issues unresolved?

During the time of Joseph Smith did he not instruct the women of the church to go out and perform miracles? Even by the laying on of hands to heal the sick and afflicted in the name of Christ? and did they not do so? THEY DID. Why then should they be denied opportunities to benefit us all, both as a church and society? Again, the mentality of polygamy leads us to continue to oppress and limit what the women in our lives can do. (Heaven forbid they surpass the efforts of men, making them look bad…)

HEAVENLY MOTHER, WHAT HEAVENLY MOTHER?

We are told to “Honor thy father and thy mother”, so what happened to honoring our mother in Heaven, the “Goddess of all the earth”? We talk about marriage as being equal in the sight of God, why then do we only honor God? Praising only his name, not even making a mere mention of the woman who helped create us all, is it the suppression mentality established by polygamy? Perhaps we have many mothers in heaven due to the whole polygamy debacle. Whatever the case, please don’t sit here and tell me that men and women are equal in the sight of God, because they aren’t… They should be, but they aren’t treated as such in the LDS church…

WHAT LDS WOMEN FEEL AND SAY ABOUT SEXIST ATTITUDES IN TODAYS CHURCH

“How can I join a Church that teaches that I must “share” my husband with another women/goddesses in the afterlife?” -Christine-

“After years of manipulation I decided research polygamy, sure enough it’s in the church doctrine that there will be polygamy in heaven. This makes me feel sick and abandoned. Is it wrong that I don’t want to share my husband with another women?” -Tricia-

“I can only handle so much scripture, lessons, and even talks these days, they all are written by men, for men, and about men. Rarely do i feel respected or feel as if my opinion as a female is worth hearing. being an LDS female is worse than being ignored by the cool girls in high school.” -Sofia-

HOW I FEEL AS A FATHER AND HUSBAND

As a father and husband in the church my heart weeps and mourns for the way women are treated, and the lack of respect and value given to them as “equal members”. It makes me sick to my stomach attending the temple viewing women not treated as equal partners, it makes me cringe when I see or hear about young women being thrown under the bus in public for the lack of a few inches of clothing, it makes me bewildered, when i hear about unqualified bishops taking advantage of the girls they are called to protect.

But most of all it removes all desire i had left to remain a faithful member when I see a misogynistic, sexist, controlling, manipulative prophet and apostles continue to teach the same controlling principles that polygamy placed upon our dear women we love. It drains my spirit when I see when I see prophets, apostles, bishops, and teachers look down on women as being weak, vulnerable, unable to handle the burden of the world.

Do you believe polygamy will be required of you to enter the celestial kingdom? Would you be OK sharing your husband? would you be Ok with you’re daughter publicly being shamed or taken advantage of? These questions are all to common for LDS women who struggle to deal with sexism and inequality in the church of Jesus Christ, who was the master of love, equality, and opportunity.

The Plague of Polygamy may be gone, But its Sexist Mentality remains…