Dear Tell All: I’m a UW-Madison freshman from Milwaukee who doesn’t want to be here.

In high school, I was part of a group of free-spirited, intellectual, artistically inclined, politically aware outsiders. I was hoping to go to a cool college like Oberlin or Grinnell, like many of my friends. But the finances didn’t work out, so here I am at the state university, surrounded by Badger football fans. It’s been an alienating experience.

My friends at small liberal arts schools are throwing themselves into social causes, going to awesome concerts, discussing radical subjects, eating locally sourced food and meeting chill people. Meanwhile, I’m stuck with drunken louts at lame tailgate parties dressed in identical red Badger gear.

I went along to a football game just because I was lonely and everyone else on my floor was doing it. I found it a depressing experience, between the dumb chants, the stinky brats, the blaring marching band, and the masses jumping around on cue.

What am I doing at a school that’s all about football? Rather than sink deeper into despair, I thought I’d write the local alternative newspaper to see if there’s hope for someone like me at UW-Madison.

Blanche DuBois

Dear Blanche: There is hope. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if you ended up having a better experience than your friends at the small liberal arts colleges. Here’s what you need to do:

As you’ve gathered, you should stay away from Badger sporting events. That’s easier than it looks to a first-semester freshman, given the size of the campus and the city. Put on your normal black (I assume) outfit and head away from the red hordes, toward the Capitol Square and points east. Around the Capitol Square and on the near east side, you’ll discover a wonderland made just for you. From King Street to Williamson Street to East Johnson Street to Atwood Avenue, Madison has everything you’re pining for: a food co-op, hip restaurants, enlightened political organizations, funky coffee shops and edgy clubs. Explore! Gameday notwithstanding, UW-Madison itself has innumerable subcultures that are right up your alley. With a little effort, you should have no trouble finding all the intellectuals, artists and radicals you’d ever want, right between Breese Terrace and Lake Street.

Don’t let Bucky Badger fool you, Blanche. Madison is way hipper than Oberlin, Ohio, or Grinnell, Iowa, and not everyone here worships student athletes. Just look at that modernist obelisk — the absurd stack of pigskins — just outside of Camp Randall. It’s a parody of football, right where you’d expect a solemn statue of a quarterback. How cool is that?

Do you have a question about life or love in Madison?

Write Tell All, 100 State St., Madison, WI 53703. Or email tell all@isthmus.com