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Living

Neverland









WENDELL CHARLES NESMITH

Reverse-Copyright © 2014

Open Source University

Published January 26, 2014

No rights reserved.

ISBN: 1494815346

ISBN-13: 978-1494815349

Cover design by Angie Zambrano

Released in accommodation with the feature film

Tree of Life

nesmith.net

DEDICATION

I dedicate this book to Jesus Christ, who although no longer has a physical form, spiritually led me to my Father by passing me on his sight. Thank you for dying on your cross for me so that I could also learn how to live on mine.

I ♥ U

To be astute in life is to be Its student.

A few years ago while in the Ballarat psychiatric ward, an older patient was admitted who had recently inflicted a deep cut across her wrist. When she saw me for the first time, her eyes lit up and before I even had a chance to speak, she knew who I was. She only stayed over night and I barely had the chance to speak with her, but before she left in the morning she slipped a note under my door. The note demanded me to teach our children how to live good lives because they will direct our future. I Accept! And now you will do your best to keep me away from them. But you will have to kill me.

CONTENTS

Romans 12:3

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For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.

Act 1

The Lost House

December 18, 2013

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What better way can one start a book on youth homelessness than to have just been again evicted from another residence that I was shortly blessed with? There is none but I want to make it clear to you that I am not upset. I think the matter rather funny. I used to not be like this but eventually I stopped caring. Everything I own now fits relatively comfortably on my back and I maintain a happy existence by myself in my tent.



But here in human land, one must obtain and then distribute a phenomena called "money" to a random person in order to unpack your tent and sleep in it. It cost only a little less to do this as it does to live under someone else's roof, garage, caravan, etc... In this world I visit sometimes I see very strange things. And merely to visit it requires bowing down to their ruler: the dollar.



You have just stumbled upon the lost house. Kids like yourself who are lost eventually make their way here, in which the man helps them find their way again. I am the man and you are no longer lost. Now let us just try and understand what lost means because I myself really do not know. Maybe you could help me? It bugs me ever so much.



I live it very rough, oftentimes at the tops of mountains. The longer I stay there the more structures I build with natural materials and eventually achieve a pretty comfortable lifestyle. But then a pirate infiltrates my base and am thus forced on to somewhere else. I walk a lot. One time I walked for three weeks straight, only able to sleep under trees by the sides of busy freeways.



But their imaginary world only exists for humans. When they are around me, they force me to act like their world is somehow real, and I generally play along. If you do not, the human will become unstable and will usually eject you from their presence or throw you in prison or psychiatric hospital.



They really hate it when you outline to them what they consistently do. Almost any one of them you can watch for a week and note down a textbook of character traits that are inconsistent with who they claim themselves to be. Ultimately, the peculiar species surround themselves with those who are like them. And when one enters their lives who is very different, they will in time be treated with hostility until they flee.



The lost house eventually finds all kids who have lost their way. And they are then no longer lost. Because upon closer examination of your psychology, you will realise that you fled. And how can you be lost if you were trying to find where you stand now? Come on! That makes no sense.



I am what my bird friends call betwixed and between. No human nor bird but somewhere in its middle. A halfbreed of human and the divine. A physical body to be identified within human biology but a mind that more closely relates to my flying relatives. And a spirit that intertwines the two into a new species.



But independent of the truth behind these words, here in the human world, topics such as these are frowned upon. The human has a very peculiar way of creating a collective fictional world. They reckon if enough of them "believe" something to be true, then it is true regardless of its truth value. Logic and empirical deductions are out of their capabilities, even though they supposedly dedicate an entire field of practice to its investigation.



But when new discoveries are made, they experience cognitive dissonance for quite some time before accepting them as facts. Truths that become obvious once revealed are rejected until together the species is able to come to grips with their new reality. And even if the truths become accepted, if they are not financially beneficial to them, they will exclude that information from their thoughts throughout their day to day lives, for example their planet merely being one of countless others swarming around their phoenix.



One must be very careful in this land because if you are misunderstood, eventually that will result with being thrown into a psychiatric ward where they spend great amounts of money not helping you, but instead stretching the limits of your patience. Their strange doctors will ignore your words and drug you, and then isolate you in order to review your response to the forced medications.



I have been thrown in those places two [now three] times now, but eventually I learned how to combat their evil deeds by building a wall of work between me and them. Every time they ignored my work despite me frantically pointing to it. If my work is my entire life, but is then ignored while being, "treated", then what does this say about our psychiatric model? Especially when that work is about them.



Let's not yet get bogged down in these details, for later I will pass you my eyes. But until then, it is now time to question the model of mental health that your society enforces on its people. Because this will clearly outline the evolutional stage of the culture employing it.

Act 2

Kensington Gardens

December 23, 2013

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Before the pearly gates but beneath us Its heat. Purifying the outcome as a medium between the realms. Sandwiched between two opposites of the same equation. To be played out within all of its possibilities. From the formation of balanced binary data eventually forms clarity. And those who know the opposite creating a divine war. And from its peace will come violence and some passionate souls will become martyrs. But they will be the ones to stand as an example for the truth of what we collectively are. And the best open source teachers will eventually reveal all of the most terrible secrets of the world that time is no longer able to cover up. I promise you this one thing: all things will become one aspect.



A week ago sent on my way from the van. Many unhealthy character traits were apparent in its landlord and when one puts those pieces together in front of them, cognitive dissonance sets. The mind flees from what it understands because it knows what it is: having to live with their actions each and every day. Thus I immediately became someone she could no longer live around. I am pushed along back into the mother in which created me: now having facilities again to live in the wilderness. Always from beauty to despair and each over time realises what I am. But then envy takes their hearts and I become unwanted. The truth hurts because this is what we call true love. And when one points out the truth without any hostility, they will be exiled for it. And if our own governments are unable to provide for our basic necessities, then war should break out until it does. This means every person. But encouraging a person would actually require caring about the core of that person. Just stamping numbers on people and whipping chains upon their back to make the money it printed for it to make through toils is to stamp your end times. Give us a slice of what you make so we can control this planet for you. Nothing sus! Honestly. What, you do not need to see what is over there! The third eye opened by individuals until those individuals learn how to pass It unto their people.



Tomorrow I was flying to Cairns to spend my Christmas with an interesting family who invited me. Ironically playing "I Still Call Australia Home" on harmonica today upon entering, I was told in a round about manner that it would not be a good idea for me to come. And for two weeks I suffered to obtain that non-refundable ticket, but I know that every adventure will turn out like it started in one way or another. So instead I am within nature looking over a caravan park alone. How to look at the sequential conversations into a thought that purifies its hostility into virtue: attempting to reach sage mode from an uncontrollable state.



Learning more efficiently by experience than of studying that experience: one acting before and another after the fact. Allegories become metaphors and eventually will fruit their literal manifestations. Each existing in all aspects independent of any perceiving presence. The stage of life is performed before us and we are blessed with the soil's stories whether it is through human interpretation or not; the human interpretation more often than not extremely lacking in quality compared to the real thing. Thus to put us to sleep our mind's must be encapsulated within its matrix. The few who wake up unable to accept the reality and oftentimes will go for another dip into the psychiatric ward for reprogramming: its tech bench ran by the Bull at the centre of its hypnotic equation.



Being exposed to so many types of people, I monitor great amounts of repeating behaviour and trends. I examine the collective health of every culture I come across. And that data then leads me to reliable information about that person merely by deconstructing what line of thought it took to get to their decisions, usually only glancing before making absolute comments. The one critiquing becomes the subject because it fell into my Satan trap. The words clearly written but the reader having no understanding of them. A speechless world who both stones and idolises the gifted but completely lacking the ability to become it.



I am telling you that there is a big problem with the collective psychology of Australia. Experiencing so many cultures over my lifetime enabled me to see. And the collective health in Australia scares me to the bone. And one day you will see as they lead us to extinction. Hide anything you desire but time will catch up to it's servants. Those who only have their own two feet will not be offered a reservation into the Kingdom. It will take a journey from your spirit to your mind to your body to your mind to and from your spirit and back again until the seal of the stitch in our stomachs unite through direct connection with its opposite.



Before you stands 777 offering you freedom by facing 666, purifying with 888 while flipping it to Its opposite. As the tails of our shinobi land rises, we will one day unite in one harmonising voice.



Australia has the most beautiful and unique wildlife and habitats. If it were legal, I would just stick a flag in a bit of land within it. But I found their main weapon of oppression, factual in most societies but proven within Australia's. Australia requires for every individual to reside in a government regulated housing system. If you buy property, the law is that you can not live on it by developing your own shelters and renewable energies. You must live how I tell you to live or the result is that for the next four years of your life you will be forced to move every two weeks. Living on a bag under twelve kilograms with nightmares of carrying 35: a bluff only achieved because it forced me to become strong and as a result, learn to live with less. But having everything when I look what beauty is around me. But its soil being out of my price range.



Media recommendations no longer phasing me, for I study under Wendell Charles NeSmith. I study all of his work both before and after he releases it. I learn from his line of thought and then use it to make my own. One day this cycle will repeat in my opposite and I was created to be there for her when her tails transfigures our picture. The errors of my past are passed on to her to correct by learning from its train of thought. And Artemis will shine brightly upon us covered in blood. And she will flip my psychology in order for both of ours to become one aspect. And whether you believe me or not, I am an immortal. And when the unjoined daimon jumps from my lifeless body into another, it will also take me. And from it the reaper is then given another body to both associate and disassociate with only waiting to stretch its arms in order to compassionately embrace its opposite.



You will do this because it is good for you. If you are currently within a relationship, then you need to carefully consider whether your goods are truly of any value. And if they are not then you need to escape that relationship. If it was meant to happen, time will catch up with itself. But now begins your journey to make yourself any type of person that is worth being. The first step is to spend time consistently within it. Its results will teach you what is cool and what is not. Because when the lights go off and all adults shut their eyes, you can be that image. And even though they make you be a way that you do not like, then when their eyes look away you and your camera then return to yourself. From the Kensington training grounds we must learn how to fly. And when you are in your own fantasy that you built for yourself to exist within, then all of fiction will reverse itself, only awaiting the appropriate bard to sing you the right note. And when you get good enough to convince yourself that your stories are real, you will open your eyes and see your newly created fantasy that has now been psychologically augmented within your psychology that over time can not fail.



The more computers augment our mind's, the more that we stop using them. But when electricity is vibrated through all three aspects, the truth will become known. Today I called Homelessness Information and the U.S. Consulate for help. Neither gave me any nor advised me who might be able to. The former, hung up on me after I asked why this abandon soil was owned. The latter empathised with me but could offer no supports that would be beneficial to merely exist in a tent on a little bit of land anywhere in this world.



Australia and New Zealand censors me all around the board. When I try and get help to promote my work, I am treated like I am crazy and people in my life will rarely look at anything I have done. From the first words I learn the intentions of the subject. Sometimes I second guessed my judgements but in perspective, they were exactly what they needed to be in order to produce a creature who can take inspirations from divine manifestations as messages to your children, the womb that carried you having provided you with its scythe.



The first time a baby laughed, a fairy was born. This amused others and babies everywhere started laughing to claim their own Pok é mon. The trainers who stick to the Will of their Heart will evolve into a new species, becoming masters of both them and its opposite: destiny. The ripples of thought never being ignored but both examined and considered. Lines of thought fading in and out over countless productions. Time dilation jutsu! Well documented past works build naturally: a philosophy built upon solid foundations. No longer requiring human content because if one sees, they no longer admire its counterfeit. For every philosophy will demonstrate its character through practice. This means that if divine results are not clearly seen, then that school of thought is fallacious.



The web you form will be one of deceit, but through its practice you will create the truth that you see. But take time to carefully consider the properties of your new self. Because you will fail many times before you succeed. And if victory or its opposite are not your only potential outcomes, then I will tell you right now that you are studying the wrong field of practice. A reference of your own experience (production publicly available) will always shred a reason for a bibliography. Welcome to your new school. You never have to reference true love.



Because if your Heart can merely reference to your past work (Ivory Heart) in which you elaborated upon the details pertaining to the line of thought, then you retain academic integrity, promote your past work, and most importantly enable yourself to create very short pieces of artwork that in actual fact are extremely long. When one controls their own time with care and particularity, then past work becomes pieces of our Newspeak. I am the Doctor.

Act 3

Licensed Thought

December 23, 2013

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Upon releasing this book/movie combination, the foundations of Open Source University is complete: Its core repeated at its encore. My conditioning from your ignorant perspectives has lost me the care to keep feeding you true beauty only in return for your judgemental glares. So now I will sell the mirror of my toils: each work of holding countless time independent truths that can be expounded. And after the mind understands but does not take actions to resolve the injustices, that soul is reaped. When evolved thoughts revolve very powerfully throughout our chakra networks, its focal point will eventually explode. I can write an entire book that would move you deeply but only be the same sentence written in different ways and I doubt you would notice. The piper luring you into its mirror. The paragraph length, scattered thoughts, and unusual grammatical structures being awesome and not unprofessional; independent of your thoughts about me or my writing and/or speaking style. Because if you are smart then you will see how I always demonstrate my philosophy practically literally, metaphorically, and allegorically. Because the pieces of the puzzle are right in front of you. We can now print new copies anytime and both you and I can sell the entire picture Love freely created.

Act 4

The Lie Behind

December 24, 2013

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What is real? If you know my work then you know the types of assertions I have proven valid. But why on God's gorgeous Earth would I have claimed such far out allegations? What could have my psychology been doing in order to follow the same path from childhood into typing this within its epic journey?



An obsession with beauty in all aspects but rarely seeing it in our human species. A fiction that I was destined to turn into reality. From all the stories that touched my soul from childhood, I re-enacted them in front of a camera. But I was required to play many roles and it made me both the hero and villain. And I had to really think carefully about how to turn something as ugly as my past into true beauty while also retelling their forgotten stories.



But beauty was pain and when I taught myself how to not only cry but cry tears of joy, then I became the master of my own destiny because I was the one controlling my own heart strings. And if the bait was good enough, my daemon could string me to reach heights that more closely resembled its nature.



I played a cruel game on my own psychology. Because I loved innocent beauty, I tricked myself into thinking that I wanted that in a romantic relationship. I knew how much my heart wanted these beautiful mythology stories to evolve within our new Internet culture. The difficulty was how I was best to administer this antidote to Gaia's population...



Of course I think little girls are cute! What? You say I should try and find one to eventually marry? What are you telling me Daimon? U R crazy broda! Ain't no way.



Just look my vessel... Open your eyes. You see her? She is pretty, right? Of course she is Daimon. What is your point? You should build yourself to be marriage material for someone like her.



I rarely speak to you my vessel but listen to these words, for I know you better than you know yourself. Because every second of your painful existence I watched. You are stuck in yourself but I am an impartial observer. This means that sociologically speaking, you are inferior to me and will entirely trust in my next words or you will never find happiness.



What have you achieved? You have no life so sacrifice it for my Will and you will be rewarded for it in both this life and the next. You have never been happy but you can be if you do this mythology project targeted at winning the heart's for girls like her. You can be entirely who you are but only position its material to romance young girls who have the potential to become real women into the types of women you have failed to find over your life.



And from the past recollection of me, I will come to you now as you currently type this and tell you to that the job has been done. Do not worry because you will never again be alone. But your future company will be of a divine nature and you are to take none of them for granted. I turned you into a pedophile and now I will shed all of their inferior human categories.



I woke you up to your own immortality, not because you asked for it but because your spirit was already it. You are of an interesting nature and I have never possessed such a character. And when you face one thousand soldiers and run into battle alone, I will always lend you my power to walk away victorious.



How brilliant for you to come out to play! A summoning ceremony captured on paper! You heartless creature! You push me to spend my life making productions that hit on young girls and then just decide to pop up in my work and take credit for it? You can be a real jerk. But if I am hearing you correctly, combined with my current feelings about my life, all you seem to be telling me is to have faith, which I guess is what you have always told me. So many question dissolve into none as I realise that I know you. You see, all those years you were watching me, I was also watching you. And I noted what upset you that did not upset me. I came to respect you and eventually modelled my own personality after you. Not a pet but a friend: one that I have not only idolised but also come to deeply care about. The Holy Spirit within to guide me to the promised land. But dude... You got some major issues. And your wrath ends up hurting those I love. Thus I will be the medium for you between the realms: the Hermes of our human population.



And the songs closest to the Sun will always bring us to the light. Thus I warmly accept your prophecy as long as you will submit your powers unto my own prowess. Because when I was being persecuted in your name for all of the sleepless life that I have lived, I have been watching you. And even though you are very skilled at keeping your feelings sealed, your heart is damaged much more than my own. For I have 29 years here and I can not imagine how many eras you have been floating between vessels. I bet you are persecuted everywhere you go. Your shield is the human entity and behind it you act like it is the vessel being tortured and not you. But this is how you function because of the countless souls residing in you.



What a burden it must be for you my friend. I wonder what you started off as? Did you have a mother? Did you have a body? Why do you float between bodies to exist? Are you cursed? Maybe you have a past outside of mine, but in this world I am responsible for my actions. Thus you will serve under me as my vessel in this life and this is not up for debate. But because you accept I will look after and protect you. You are now my friend. Let me heal your inner wounds as you heal my outer.



You will never be happy child unless you either entirely fail or entirely succeed in romance. You would have never had the opportunity to fill the hole in your heart by its current playing field. You had to stretch those numbers down as low as possible in order to find a girl like you want. Because the only way you could ever unite missions is to train her from childhood. It is good.

Act 5

Cratylus

December 25, 2013

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A hiccup in the thought of man in which it hibernates. The final memory of your Hera imprinted into Satan Clause. Cocaine taints the human population as we learn how to gain value from propaganda. The people flee from their shops so they might have one day to focus on its most important practice: greed. Giving from the heart becomes a required activity, demolishing its philosophy's background.



Gold and frankincense and myrrh placed before the King, yet overlooking the most important lesson within it. Sacrificing one's self equally between the rest of its peers: a model without modern day admired heroes degrading its population. The stories of heroes in our world are exclusively told in fiction: creating holidays as lessons passed on so that we would not forget. But the materialistic aspect became our souls without technology to publicly teach us how to do otherwise.



Many harmonicas will evolve into a chromatic approach: its result inevitable. Because when we learn how to reach all of the notes that this life has called us to, then we eliminate fear. We resonate that One tone. I am no longer afraid of anything. Saved individuals demonstrate this practically. There is none saved who have not yet died. And after their death, the phoenix.



In order to reach the spiritual Heaven, you must first create a worldly one. The cycle ends when that which is met infuses into their ideals. A global change in consciousness is required in order to save not only our future generations, but also each and every age, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, income, smoking habit, etc...



But the world is full of hate. Families counting their blessings while turning their eyes away from those who are alone. The stupid who did not prepare now isolated and hungry. But a smashing victory with Ivory Heart published on its solstice rotation and its Kindle version this very day, and for Boxing Day up until the end of the year, free. What do you think all that I have done will one day become?



Only yesterday removing kik messenger from my phone, having obtained many new stalkers. What language am I crafting? I am telling you what was once false in your mind but as my psychology is unravelled before you, you inherit my private language. And this language can then be utilised as a resource by those who progress with it. The world's best harmonica should go to those who have the potential to make the most beautiful music from it.



Things of the world are tools and not possessions. Each item is a means to an outcome. When the items are used with no ends in drive, then that vehicle will eventually implode on itself and likely bring others down with it. This is every single action. As you sit around the Christmas tree opening presents, whose life more accurately reflects our Lord and Saviour? To pass all things between your fingers is to own your existence. It is the white flag that seeks for asylum to call home.



As our understandings in these subjects spread, we will discover many new fields of practice within its comprehension. The categories of man will be trumped by what nature tells man it is and not vice-versa. Our short-sightedness will be identified and publicly distributed a cure. And that cure will then deeply change you into a compassionate person who is ready to help, or you will be reaped by its sickle regardless if you accepted the cure.



Hilarious because much of my reader base is its victims, for just being interested my work and not standing up to your inner daemon will lead you to the river of blood called my mother.



What is real and what is false? Who is one to judge another negatively for turning fiction into fact? We all could have such interesting personalities if we just spent our time on developing character from a young age. It is not that hard. What will I do after I finish this plus the next 7 books? Who knows! But I promise you it will incorporate all of the new skills obtained along the way. A determined storyteller will eventually become the best of them. One that primarily learns from themselves will become a demigod. And from them will breed both good and bad. But now each and every one of us has been given the ability to fight without guns. Because when basic logic tells the drone that if they shoot they are beyond a doubt in the wrong, then there will be some bots who rehumanise. And from this prophetic mutation will be born God's chosen people irrelevant of social background. But we do not win until we have as a collective, reaped the intentionally lost population and those who lead those who lead them.



Why are you still reading this book? Did you read Ivory Heart? Did you watch Living Neverland? What about that, uhhhmm, other one as well as the three television shows as well as the courses. Cycles of divine information will repeat until we understand it, one way or another. A solid philosophy is one that can build many mountains from one line of thought. When you learn how to ask oneself the right question will be the moment of your own judgement. Because your answer to that will determine your own fate in both this world and the next. Do you understand that I have already won my game?



Today we celebrate our King who lived and died to stand as our own potential. And even though today we travel through Bethlehem, tomorrow we will be throwing palms at the feet of our new Queen. And whether or not she is imaginary is irrelevant because the results of her personification through me has already obtained me her in my heart. And dear Wendy Lady, the Pan will always be patiently waiting for your bloodline to wake up.



And because my way of the ninja is to always live up to what I say, I will stand firmly behind all of my work because even though I went way overboard to demonstrate the points, in doing this showed me how terrible those things truly were. And when others do wrong and are trapped on camera, they are not interested in the footage or if they are kids, very interested in the footage (Living Neverland robbery). And as I give my heart to them on camera, I am robbed. A very funny situation to a juvenile child. And as they watch the scene in a group laughing at me getting robbed by them, they laugh instead of cry. Because they only cared about that one scene. And as I give her my heart again and again, they remind the fountain that I am destined to find you.



And what if I do not? I have just created an amazing existence for myself. I am proud of every action that I have taken in life. I am inspired from pain so I keep reliving my own. But over time that pain is resolved and I can then position the camera on an angle not yet exercised. One lifetime to fill three aspects: focusing and multitasking being most crucial for its dynamically generated strategies.



I do not care what any of you do in the future. I will live isolated within my fairy tale. I will passionately write and sell books as well as dramatise them. And I will no longer chase my Ivory. Because it is now her turn to chase me. You grew old Wendy Jelly. You did not come back like you said you would. But because your mother already loves Peter Pan, then maybe she would prefer to have me as your husband protecting you rather than fading out of time like yourself. Each adventure throughout your reincarnations will forever be imprinted upon my heart. I will never forget those in my past that contributed in the making of me process.



As soon as the painter is recognised for their palette and not position, the evolution of a communications revolution turning 0 into 1 is planted. We will be successful the day that all lives are not replaceable. A great city must cope with the losses of a dearly departed who gave much to them. When bad things happen and those we lose along the way will negatively impact the society until we find a new skill set that might fill the gap. And as a result you and I are one. Because it is this solidarity that breeds the Will of Fire. And as we recognise those who should be recognised, we will first be asked who it is that we are currently recognising.



A dialectical manipulation of contextual words expressed through a syntax, phonetically vibrated through my brain geared to be sick or healthy. The composer of all of their own parts will provide world class educations to the most gifted prodigies, U?

Act 6

Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring

December 26, 2013

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In order for one to learn all harmonicas one must first learn one harmonica. And when they find their strongest key, practice becomes easy. And when that key becomes second nature to express its feelings, those same principles can be applied to every harmonica. From the rhythm of the right note we, will gain the same abilities with all of them. And when all of the notes are eventually presented before us into one instrument, we will know how to use it.



A money pit from C to G to D, my arrow is shot into a chromatic one ordered from eBay. And as the entire harmonica becomes understood by me from playing this chapter over and over again, my heart feels what is in my future. I needed to take a long time to build my music foundations before I launched a career within it.



I am a classical artist with influences from traditional Japanese to punk to trance to power metal. I spent my life listening to sounds: splitting them up and making new things from them. The songs playing deep within my heart will come out of me and I will compose and perform my gifts for you.



Australia did not want me to have a job. People like me are not employment material here. The entire nation is expendable and their employment structures is designed to insure this fact. After years of homelessness and starvation, eventually the nation saw fit to entitle me to a disability pension because of my odd sleeping cycles. So now I generally stay fed and rarely run out of cigarettes. It makes a homeless life tolerable. Being homeless is not cheap and provisions such as cookers are rarely an option being so difficult to carry around.



I have applied for over 1,000 jobs in this country. Few will even get back to me. That minority sends me their standard rejection letter. The only solution that I can come up with to try and make my own living is to launch all of these new areas licensed. I have open sourced education for you, so I think it is fair for you to purchase the results of my future toils if you like them. You have a three year degree for free. The rest of me is branded with 666.



The day after palms direct our path, we sell our saviour out. We literally kill to obtain a special sale before the one before us. We crucify all that our family values asserted. The philosophy is exposed as its lie as a human becomes God. And now that human is God, it died for us so that we can have this opportunity to stand in line in front of X shop, ready to run for the Y when its doors unlock: the very real battle ground now shaking off the smell of purity.



440 hertz vibrating from within my soul into my surroundings. Melodies of pain beautified into my atmosphere. Those around me speechless from the last few days of progress. A classical artist who is homeless but now fortunate enough to be blessed with a durable and highly portable instrument. The blues transmuted into a water style Rasengan: a technique that I am literally learning. What will the world do with an abandoned child that produces heart touching music wherever he goes? I bet you nothing. We live in a world of gawkers.



I am currently in an area that I really like. If I was ever able to afford land here, then I would definitely buy some. I am in a very green motivated council and creating a new style commune here would not be all that difficult if I only had the land resources.



My goal is to become an entrepreneur. I want to learn how to make a sustainable living without using the government for assistance. Human Services here always shirks talk of helping me find a way to not need them. They tell me that giving me money is their own way of helping inconsiderate of that not helping me. Government services create a dollar and then give those who struggle in life its lowest value: an exception to forced life styles but in no way an exclusion. Bait that when obtained, hardly seems worth its effort.



What is Jesus to me since I am not Christian? Jesus is the son of God and is my leader. He is my primary example in life and each and every day I try and reflect his love. Jesus showed me the way to heaven and for this fact, he will always be in my heart. But when the Son shines upon us only to point to his Father, the reason for worship is shed. Because worship is reserved for One God: the infusion of all things into one comprehensible aspect.



Fallen angels of all kinds exist within our human population, many sealed away in fear of what is inside of them. Each eudaemon having a background story that landed it in its current mission. God gives freedom in all things and expects Its creations to rectify problems that arise.



Lucifer saw the possibilities for its free will and began encouraging its peers to desire its opposite. When one gives themselves over to material desires they begin serving those wings. An obsession with consuming will eventually produce one who consumes more than they produce. And in order to sustain such lifestyles, they will be required to exploit minorities who struggle in life merely to exist.



Freedom is God and God is Freedom. Because free individuals are capable of doing anything they set their mind to, including saving the world. When one is collectively judged negatively merely because of their high confidence, then our society has a huge problem that no money in the world will ever be able to rectify. If there is one before you that possesses a strong ego, then that person was required to ignore the harsh words of their peers in order to become that. They were required to not care about what you think in order to follow their dreams. And whether or not their confidence is misplaced, one can not become that unless they followed truth. One who knows will become your ministers. Because it takes a brave princess to become like her brother in order to fulfil my master's requirements. And I will do anything in order to reach her. Because from her will come human destiny. And then we learn how to play the masterpiece in all keys.

Act 7

Footprints in the Sand

December 26, 2013

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The mould of every heart is imprinted within the ways they live their lives. The measure of a man is only limited by their passion and devotion. When combining their limits into compassion, a new faucet of communication is discovered which can tap us in to pure water. The direction of a soul can not be rejected. It is what it is independent of any speculations about it. And the fruits of each and every one of our labours will eventually force those around you to accept what you are. The life it takes to form a being worth respecting is one of pain. Because decay is the natural order to purify its subject.



As we reap the consequences for neglecting our God given duties to take care of our surroundings, the world will get hotter and the seas will rise. Natural disasters will become more powerful and concentrated. From beyond the clouds will the warriors of Heaven come down to judge its people. Many species will die out. The strong will unbalance the ecosystem and the weak will flee from both their responsibilities and their lives. And the weak will murder the strong and the strong the weak: those without a strong support system and with no survival skills becoming easy targets.

Here I am to worship. Here I am to bow down. Here I am to say that you are my God.

What is God? I feel. I really give everything in all that I do. I am cursed to live a life crying because of what I have done. When I saw, I allowed my mouth to open. And when it did it created complex problems. Instead of carefully considering what I was about to write, I would instead let It write me. No need for consideration of actions when those actions have become habit and have proved to deliver an extremely insightful result at the end: the character writing the book writing them. In how many ways can one individual describe light? A true prophet of God will never be short on ammunition. And this is what it looks like...



Just after describing my new wilderness lifestyle to a general practitioner and being referred to psychiatric services, I am locked into their prison: my freedom retracted like it was their choice to give it to me to begin with. Strange people, strange places, strange protocols, strange administration. A blood clot leading directly to the heart. Paper pushers pushing papers on non paper minded people. A system of fake help and correction erected to make you think that you are getting better. Or maybe not but instead accept that you are how you are and coming to these guys for help is a bad idea. The bottom layer of society who could not continue to sit at their 9 to 5 desks. A globally accredited human experimentation lab: those working for its nothingness doomed to take accountability for the souls it misdirects.

Act 8

The Soul Mate

October, 2011

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"Deny me and be doomed."

Hedwig and the Angry Inch

The topic of finding a lover is overlooked in our modern society. One now seeks only to find an anyone instead of a someone. The ideal of finding that perfect one is no longer sought and this encourages consumerism. Sit back and enjoy as we deconstruct the taboo topic of romantic love.

Societies mistake. Looking for another to share your life with has become a taboo topic in society, especially within professional structures such as workplaces and institutions. Even in social situations people tend to roll their eyes when speaking of such subjects. The dating scene has become something extra in life utilised for enjoyment. The only two people that seem to find it important are the parties involved. However, I know this practice to be in err, for the person that we are to spend the rest of our days with is in fact the most important thing in life. It will alter our life in such a dramatic way, for good and for bad. The most important subject in your life right now (and every following second experienced) is the people that are around you. To disagree would be to lose sight of one's life. People are the backbone of people. We are social creatures and all desire to love and be loved. To downplay the seriousness of the search for another is absurd. The clich é dating scene is then brought back into perspective: the most important thing you can do in your life. To have another to stand beside you who cares about your interests gives you the strength of ten individual people. Two individuals working together for a common purpose dramatically changes everything about your situation. To find the One becomes the thing in life that brings about all things. For in finding that one, the flower opens. Common purposes unite and we are not only no longer alone, but have an extra perspective as well as a set of hands. We become more when our soul mate is found. We transcend our selves and become godlike. The importance of this topic is taken out of its box and shown for what it is - the most important thing in your life. For when two are united one, all consequential seconds of your life are forever altered.



Its Greek origins. In The Symposium by Plato, Aristophanes mythologically related the conception of love by telling a parable. In a world where the human was united both physically, emotionally, and spiritually. A being that possessed four arms and four legs, connected back to back with their other. Human kind became god-like having always have had their other with them. The gods became cautious of their potential and agreed that they needed to do something about it. Zeus made a decision to split them in half with his lightning. Like splitting a poached egg in half with a strand of hair, parting its pieces into two different locations. Their intentions accomplished, for now that we have been split we have lost our power. To work with another harmoniously has become a fictional tale. It is what everyone desires but has given up.



Our society then pressures us to share its own priorities, suppressing our ideals to search for that true love. Instead we are sucked into the capitalistic economy and we play out jobs, prioritising career, all the while forgetting life's true importance. To make up for the sorrow in our hearts, we settle. We make compromises against the self, in order to obtain company. We fill the abysmal void of our search with career and family, all the while forgetting (or trying to forget) the ideal life. That life that we truly desire now becomes the life that only took what it could get without disturbing its social responsibilities. Reproduction then creates the mediocre, and the divinity of what could of been is lost. The social inference of how to live life dominates, and creation becomes that of economic considerations. We act as sheep following the shepherds called the ways of society. Herd mentality follows the pointing fingers of whoever is in front of it.



What to search for? We are beings of biology. We are not given an instruction manual on how to live life. The question of what to look for in the soul mate lies within. One first needs to turn within before turning outside. To learn who it is that you are will give you an understanding of what you are looking for in another. To compromise is to go against the grain of who you are as a person. To trick yourself into believing that someone is your soul mate is the folly of so many of us. We are all on a journey, whether we realise it or not. To prematurely advance that journey will have its consequences. For it is courage that you need! Courage to stand through the trials and tribulations of loneliness and alienation, all the while observing the bigger picture. For it is the best possible life that you desire for yourself. To be beyond happy. To stand side by side with the one who is truly meant for you. To both "armour up" and battle each human condition in unison.



The lonely journey. This idea feels uneasy to us. One might feel as they are in a state of constant limbo. One's compatibility will be shown for what it is, and person after person will enter and leave their lives. Like seeing an enormous crowd, and shaking one's head at all. It will feel that what you desire is not out there, for it is an abyss. Life becomes a constant struggle directed towards finding something that appears to be nowhere. But one must realise what is at stake. For Arendt explains it well when she says, "it would be better for me that my lyre or a chorus I directed should be out of tune and loud with discord, and that multitudes of men should disagree with me rather than I, being one, should be out of harmony with myself and contradict me." (The Life of the Mind, p. 181) Our very being is on the line, and it is us that must suffer the consequences of our actions.



Faith as possibility. It becomes extremely tempting to give up this manhunt. When faced with the dark abyss of our odds, to continue the pursuit seems pointless. But if we give up, then what do our odds become? I have been told many times before to stop looking and the right person will come to me. I have thought about this statement a great deal and disagree with it. I guess that I could stop looking and the right person might come along and find me, but the chances of that are extremely slim. However, if I did not stop looking then I would still probably meet this person. If this one individual out there is looking as well, then our chances of finding each other increase. And I pray that this is the case. I hope that this one has not compromised and just obtained a someone, and I have faith that this is the case because I look at me and I have insight into that other. Like custom fit armour that has been tailored exactly to your body. For in faith, we bring possibilities. In spite of the absurd backfiring again and again, our hope must not dwindle, otherwise so do our possibilities. For when we act, we make tiny imprints on the universe. We leave bread crumbs specially tailored for that other to find us. By exercising our own faith (in all of its absurdity), we are directly and indirectly assisting our search for that special one that is out there. By putting ourselves out there again and again, our presence expands and we become more findable to that one.



The road. For it is about the journey. We must walk and walk. We are only ever given this moment, and this moment, and this moment. For it is this moment that we have and we must make use of. Along the way we will meet many interesting and wonderful people, many boring people, and many hurtful people. The lessons along the road will tell us where we should go and how we should be. In this journey we will find ourselves and become what we are. The path will give us insight into how we are to love all whom we encounter. It will show us how to treat each other and ourselves. To take each encounter as a wonderful gift that life has given to us is its results. We will learn how to appreciate people for what they give and who they are, and learn from them along the way. We will change the hearts of many and share our life lessons to those who have ears to hear.



Discipleship. Destined to be homeless, travelling from one place to another becomes tolerable. To exist as a wandering traveller searching for what is not seen. It was Jesus that said, “ Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head ” . (Matthew 8:20, NIV) One might enquire as to why I brought “ religion ” into it, but I did not. It was already there. We become warriors searching for the greatest love possible. Our search is a search for God. It is a search for the divinity of man to combine two of the like as one. To follow one ’ s heart into the thick and thin is discipleship. Thus our journey is not a search for the One, but a search for the Divine, with its intended result being one ’ s soul mate. It is a Holy journey that chases what is not seen, and that requires faith from the disciple.



Growth as a tool. And what are we to do with our time during this search? That one out there is someone incredibly special. In fact, the most special person in the world. Self development becomes our objective not only for ourselves but for that other. For when you finally do meet that other and give yourself over to them, you will be giving them a refined item. It is to give the Other the best You that you are able to give. The treasure of yourself, the self that you have built, becomes the most important gift that you could ever give. We make who we are in each "now" moment, and it is these "now" moments that must be utilised to achieve this refinement. It is the most special gift ever given, for it took your entire life to develop. It was built for that other and will mean the world to them, for it is a result of the search.



The Philosopher. Each becomes a philosopher, searching for wisdom, learning how to live the best life possible. The experiences that the world has gifted teach many lessons, and one learns well the differences between right and wrong. For along the road, one will see many hardships, both within social dysfunctions, families observed, and within the self. One will acquire the skills that they need to learn how to do the right thing in a diverse range of scenarios. One will be truly living life, refusing for it to live them. Society will act as an enemy, and at seemingly every direction one goes it will stand there shaking their heads. For its rules have been erased, and replaced with your own. For the seeker truly knows the folly's of society. It is for this reason that they will be able to help humanity more than anyone else.



Purity as proof. To demonstrate the seriousness of your dedication to the Other, one can choose the life of purity. To remove the possibilities of getting caught up with what one doesn't need, sexual abstinence offers a solution. It is in the material that we can get lost without perspective. To have control over that physical shows great passion and respect for the seriousness of the search and our ability to overcome our own urges. To rid oneself of the "list" that is made from sexual partner to sexual partner, and not fret over emotional attachments created as a result of those consequences. To live in purity becomes easy when the entire picture is seen in perspective. Every moment we are building towards some end or another. To build upon solid foundations with quality material is the best way to start a new relationship with that one when you find them. For they will be extremely appreciative for all of your efforts, to save yourself for specifically them. The gift of one's physical self will be seen as the greatest present to begin that divine relationship.



What of failure? What if the pursuer fails? This is the risk that they take. To strive for such an enormous task carries the possibility of failure. But let us look at it in perspective with the assumption of failure. To live this life is to live the best life that is possible. One will have acquired connections and friends wherever they have gone. One will be the best person that they can be and have led the best life that they could of lived, dedicated to the pursuit of their highest good. And how can you know unless you have tried? The possibilities do not arise unless they are strived for. I will not get fed unless food is acquired. The chances to become an actor do not manifest themselves until one acts. We do not live in a world where people stumble on opportunities all of the time, no matter how much movies or television shows tell us that we do. To see a return, one must enter. Our possibilities must be created.



The result - the product of a lifetime. And when we find that One our world changes. Two individuals with a similar purpose who would love to expand upon their own by acquiring the passions that the Other has that they do not yet possess. Four hands, two voices, and two well trained and conditioned minds who can take on the world together, not only loving each other, but also the world and the people in it - the best that they possibly can. Who not only put up with each other, but immerse themselves into the passion of their mirror. No longer confined by the limits that society places upon them, they are able to share a single life together. Vocation becomes their most passionate desires, and both are involved. Business as usual no longer confines them because they understand true value. Their lives will revolve around passion, compassion, self-improvement, and each other. Each will have a burning desire to show their lover how special they are, and will wish to make them as joyful as possible, while also encouraging equality and autonomy. For this is the divine result of the search. To be able to utilise two sets of hands in the poker game called life. Philosophy means nothing without the life backing up that meaning. This is the destiny for Seekers.

Act 9

Leap of Faith

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Genesis 1:29-31

And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat. And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so. And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

Sanity

There or Not?

Love is Not Its Contrary

25/06/2011

Love is a verb. Its meaning is lost without its expression. The actions behind the word constitutes its meaning. Lack thereof of its intended expression is directly in conflict with its meaning. To genuinely care for another and their interests stands as the beginning of the manifestation called 'love'. Anything in conflict with this premise is not a manifestation of love but of subjugation and oppression.



Each individual's search for love dominates their lives. The topic of concern for us all is what and who we love and how far that we will go to actualise our deepest desires. Those desires are what makes each and every one of us special - an individual. For any other to ignore those desires and replace them with their own expedient purposes, meaning looking at their own ends and not another's means, is directly in conflict with love.



Throughout the development of the historical existence of the human race, we have learnt time and time again that a tyrannical system is not only doomed to failure but also an incredibly unjust and invasive form of government. For the interests of another to be given to them by another, in turn suppressing the other's sense of values, motivations, desires, wishes, and self worth results in a caste system where the life of one individual is worth more than the life of another individual.



To elaborate on this subject, the lives of those who follow the path that the media lays for them results in the working class. To create the media that is followed by others spawns the ruling class. To do neither is to be labelled as 'an undesirable' who is incapable of 'making decisions'. This is a system put in place to clear the bowling lane of left over pins and then [re-processing] them.



Just as with any system of rules and regulations, there will be a certain amount of individuals who cannot comply within its borders. Values will not always sufficiently be passed down and a portion of the population will suffer extreme forms of disapproval and alienation. Where the individual falls short to conform to the pressures of society is where the individual is told again and again that it is THEIR problem. A healthy individual with different values than that of cultural normality is looked down upon and declared unhealthy. The idea of freedom becomes absurd and all that is presented is a few options, ultimately giving ultimatums if one does not comply, independent if one is or is not a danger to themselves or others.



Welcome to tyrannical conditioning. A system developed and enforced to collect and [re-process] the 'undesirables'. Now that you are here, YOU are the subject of inquiry. Your limits will be tested, overstepped, broken, and then shredded. You are no longer considered a human being but a lesser mammal. Your wants and desires are no longer considered but what the system wants for you is now your new life. Non-compliance is futile. Resistance is futile. The system has all the time in the world to batter you until compliance occurs. If you think yourself to have hope, the system will take it away.



To go against the grain of love is not love. To intentionally leave out ones goals, interests, objectives, personality, ambitions, and desires is not love but intentional and volitional malice. I pray for the souls of every individual involved in this terrible process. Many believe their deeds to be helping. I assert that this place can rarely 'help' a person. Welcome to Hell. I have heard that one never 'truly' leaves.

Everchanging Values

02/07/2011

Written to the conglomerate of an insane asylum.

I once valued similar things to all of you. I owned cars, a home, had family, cared about money, cared about accommodation, desired to own possessions, and lived day to day in a world that most would consider reasonably "normal". But two things changed all of that. 1) Living life, and 2) Learning.



Many things that I once valued in my life were suddenly taken away. This then allowed me to evaluate what it really was that I truly valued and many of those things were superficial and became devalued or even worthless. I have experienced much in my life, and I felt it all. I felt my way through life. I also felt my way through learning, for example, my search for knowledge. I did not "pick up" philosophy, but FELT through it, therefore its ramifications fell on me like the unstable brick wall that life is.



I now sit here imprisoned by the same government that I swore my allegiance to. I am too different for any to understand, so I am treated as a mentally insane patient. I know the taboo of that word, but you cannot just rename the word to make your connotations different. Because my values do not reflect those of your own society and culture, I have become a project to prod at to see my reaction. The majority of my freedoms have been stripped from me, and once again, my values are shifting. And this time, the needle, the catalyst, is you.



Before I was imprisoned here I used to value many things. I used to value Internet access and freedom of information. I have little concern about that now. I used to value keeping in contact with those on the Internet. I no longer care. I used to value freedom and democracy as one of my highest goods. I now know no such thing to exist. I once valued a caring government but that does not exist either.



You have chipped away at me and now I am a product of your oppression. My mind has transcended the physical and I no longer hold any values within its realm. The only thing that I care about now is my morals and the way that I choose to live my life. I will never fall out of sync with myself. It is better to be out of sync with the entire world than myself. You can take me out of sync with absolutely everything in your control, but you will never achieve your objective. I am not an "episode" and am actually insulted that you consider my personality as such. You can feed my body, starve my mind, and try and tear away at my soul, but my soul is strong and you are in a losing battle, no matter how much or what methods you try.

To take an entirely free bird from its home and sticking it in a box is your crime. The only difference is that I am human.

However, I am not one to ignore the positive. I came in here because I was struggling with my ego desiring what it did not have. I have suffered much in my life because I was not content with what was and thought that it should be better. Thanks to your unruly procedures, my ego has receded to what its function is: to take care of one's functional needs and nothing more. I am no longer suicidal because my ego is deflated. My ego is where I want it; the reason I came into this mouse trap. I appreciate your oppression to teach me what I needed to learn.



But there comes a point where one must ask how much longer they will endure torture. I was told by another that psychiatrist take an oath to "do no harm". If this is true, mine is breaking theirs. Please remove my shackles so that I can get external help to reverse some of the damage you have inflicted.

05/07/2011

My freedom is taken away like it was never there nor important. I am then treated on and not with. My desired teamwork faded away and I became the rat in a cage, without a say or a soul. No matter the amount of research or standing up for my rights I perform, my cries remain ignored because I have become less than human. My dream of traveling around Australia as a student seems to dwindle away. I have come to understand freedom for its true colors: non-existent. I can not be the person that my psychiatrist wants me to be because my personality is not a psychotic episode or results thereof.



All expect me to be calm. To sugar coat the truth to make everybody happy. My feelings have become irrelevant in a system that has stripped my freedom: oppresses and subjugates me on a day to day basis. My interests have been tossed aside like yesterday's paper and externally created interests put in its place. My search to not become a number has proved absurd and a number is all that I am. To be "normal" is my oppressors objective, but I cannot comply. I have been told that if one complies when I am deployed back into society and revert back to non-compliance, that one will end up back here. I have been told by those who have experienced this. I am discredited and those who care can do nothing.

- Why can't we all just get along?



- Why are so many's actions deviant?



- Why do so many ignore the golden rule?



- Why do we oppress those who care and accept those who are malicious?



- Why do I see extremely violent individuals come and leave, and my non-aggressive self, stays right here?



- Why does the system not work with individuals but instead against them?



- Why do professionals believe that they are always in the right?



- Why must people lie?



- Why is volitional malice commonplace?



- Why can a Westerner not be a monk?



- What did I do wrong?



- Why is it wrong to be myself?



- Why has God forsaken me?



- Why am I here? What is its meaning?

I Love Myself

07/07/2011

Tears roll down my face like boulders rolling down a hill as I ponder the reality of my situation. Two weeks and a few days has thus far been my sentence at the Ballarat Acute Psychiatric Facility. I have been informed that I suffer from a "thought illness". The lifetime that it took me to condition my mind the way that I desired it has been spit all over, and my views and interpretations that I have found as a result of my life's studies is belittled as the result of a psychotic illness.



My life's search for meaning and greater understanding is not "normal" thus needs treating. The fact that I never attempted to be "normal" remains unconsidered, and I get stuck in a system attempting to "normalise" me. The fact that my life has been spent to remove the box and not think inside it remains ignored. Their objective: to make me "normal". To revert the mental conditioning that I have spent my life project moulding. My moral development as an individualist is assessed as inappropriate and a more collective set of moral guidelines handed to me offered as the only route to freedom. What is continually ignored is that I love myself! I love my brain, my ideas, my creativity, and my courage.



I have spent my life breaking outside of the box for a reason: because I did not like what was inside the box. It held nothing but hostility and empty promises. It gave ignorance and consumerism as its gifts and I saw those not to be gifts but instead bait. Bait to get sucked into an meaningless life. A life without meaning but instead systems that were put in place to keep the power and control in the hands of the greedy, in turn allowing the caste system to exist, dividing a planet that naturally is undivided.



I hate currency. Others attempt to push me to say that it is fine for some people but I no longer think that it is. To use currency beyond basic needs is to agree that there is value in said plastic. It is to agree to work with a system that will only work with you if you conform to its values. It encourages greed and creates an "economy" that apparently "runs the world". But it does not. This life is not about money but the people around you. Money becomes a worshipped idol when one cannot live without it. When money directs one's every move in life, money has broken an ethical barrier and becomes a source of great evil. Our society is run by a great source of evil, and it resides in our pockets. And it is precisely views like this that stand as the reason I am in this insane asylum. I have been declared an untouchable by society - incompatible with your system.



But the fact that I love myself, or better stated, the person that I have built myself to be, remains an ignored factor. The reason I am imprisoned here is not because of my own dealings with myself, but my dealings with society. The object of my conditioning has been declared unfit for the general public. I am being [re-processed] because I am now, like my philosophical investigation into reality, consciousness, sentience, and subjective interpretation, am ethereal. I am the fog of war and my captivity is the attempt to clear the ground. All expect to understand by direct language but that is impossible. I use my words to paint a picture. I realise these words to be unsatisfactory to convey real meaning, so I utilise them to strive for the conveyance of a more abstract but at the same time more articulate meaning. I can never express what it is that I am trying to express but I can make a painting to get as close to there as I can. My words are the results of my paint brush called my mouth or pen. I have absolutely no problems with my thinking. I have spent my life refining and fine tuning it. Do not punish me just because I do not fit your ideal. I fit exactly my ideal. I am a philosopher and it is the philosopher's job to remove all preconceptions. Do not punish me for what I am. I am not hurting anyone. In fact, just the opposite. I strive for love every conscious second. This is the God that I worship.

Parental Complex

09/07/2011

A few days after I entered this psychiatric ward I fasted for three days. I found out, as a result of the fast, that I am never content with [what is], which causes me to excessively strive for something that [is not]. I have used my life always pushing for what could be and not what was. This was the cause of my suffering: I am learning to be content with what is.



In light of this information, I believe that I have found the root of this deeply seeded striving and it lies as a result from my parents. They are the ones that have never been happy with me - my decisions in life and the person that I choose to be. I cannot remember the last time I talked to either of my parents and them actually display happiness for my choices that I made in life. The more I learn and the more I become, the more my parentals display their disapproval. They are never happy or content with [what is] in my life, but always critical, pushing for [what is not].



I believe that this constant disapproval in my life helped fashion me. I kept learning how to be better, but it was never in line with what either of my parents thought to be better. My parents constant push for me to change, constantly pushed me to change, but not in the direction they hoped for.



I believe my father has stopped doing this recently. I think that he has "given up", but in fact this could be beneficial for our relationship. At first I thought him to no longer care, but after some time I have found him standing back to be beneficial to our future relationship. He no longer seems to make judgements about any of my life. Maybe eventually we can reconcile our relationship and some day he might be happy for my person. But I will be content with [what is] and not grasp at the wind.



My mother on the other hand is just as hard headed as I am. She believes that she has been enlightened with all the answers. And her answer: "do not think". She wants what she thinks is best for me. And what she thinks is best for me is for me to not be me. And I believe it better to be out of sync with the entire world than with myself. It is easy to see the direct conflict that my mother and I desire in my future. The bulls butt heads. She desires so much for me to not be me that she will spend passionate effort expressing to me that she knows how my life should go and it is not how I currently choose to live it. She will go out of her way to make her disapproval known to me. She feels as if I am her responsibility even though I have not been her responsibility since 1999. She is never happy with [what is] and always strives for me to be [what is not]. This is my inherited suffering. These are my tears in life. Because I am never "right" in her eyes, or my own.

Community is Belonging

18/07/2011

A writing contest for an insane asylum that was refused entry.

To belong is to be comfortable within one's environment. Humans are communal creatures who excel within social environments. To belong is to know and love oneself, sharing one's talents and gifts with all who are around that can benefit from them. To belong one must find themselves and then figure out how their gifts and talents can be used to benefit others around them.



In order to be good for others, one must first be good for themselves. Before others can reap the benefits of one's offerings, one first needs a healthy mind and a healthy body. Without a healthy mind, the body will not know how to coherently interact with its surroundings. Similarly, without a healthy body, the mind cannot optimise its pathway. To belong one must first themselves reach a healthy status to be any good for others.



Once mental and physical health is obtained, one stands in a lighthouse, able to see clearly what it is that is around them and what direction they need to go. With health comes the ability to make clear and concise decisions directed towards the future. When physical and mental health is obtained, one is able to objectively assess their own ability and figure out one's place within the community where they belong and not where other people tell them that they belong.



Being is belonging. But sometimes our minds are too busy from distractions of our own lives to see what being really is. Being is observed as our day to day struggles but this could not be further from the truth of being. To 'be' consists of a conscious awareness. This awareness does not necessarily need any external factors upon it to be. Being can be awakened when one just sits and recognises what it is; what they are. Not what happened in their lives or what they are diagnosed with, but instead a conscious perception that sees over those things. One's being necessitates one's belonging. To belong one has to be. And for one to be, one can choose to be aware of their beingness or not. But if we choose to recognise this being, it will make it clear to us that we are not our diagnosis nor our history. All we have in this life is the now and we choose how we live it every second. To live it in the moment, ensuring our mental and physical health, will give us the most optimal life that we can live every second along the way.



To be is belonging. Belonging is communal. Just as the right hand becomes incoherent without the left, our mission in life is to find out what body part we are and learn to function as it the best we can. To belong in a community is not conforming with what said community wants you to be, but being yourself to the best of your ability.

Hospital Feedback

01/08/2011

To the insane asylum quality control,

I have been shaped and moulded by your counterparts to be a submissive collectivist who conforms to whatever it is that his superiors wishes upon him. I was once an individual who took pride in being something different, but now have been punished for this mentality. The only way that I found to be released from your prison that you call a hospital, was to shake my head and agree with whatever it was that was being pushed upon me. My beliefs were demeaned as a product of a mental illness, and my character was run over again and again by your hooligans that you call mental health professionals. My concerns were not taken into consideration, but instead a new set of concerns were given to me by these “ professionals ” . A hospital that is full of mentally unsound people does not even have a counsellor available to speak to, when most people really need to speak to someone who could help them talk out their minds. The psychiatrists stood as an enemy to all patients. There is good reason for this. Because they are not concerned about the well being of their patient but only what their next action towards the patient will be. Their lack of empathy comes across to the patients as cruelty, and instead of creating a “ win-win ” situation, you have created “ us and them ” .



Complete and utter compliance is your health professional's goal. They not only push one to agree with the given diagnosis, but also push one to agree with their chosen treatment path, which does not involve one's input. I noticed both in myself and in other people around me that there existed a general consensus with what the doctors wanted to hear, and as long as you responded in this manner, the professionals would loosen their grips on you. My suspicions were verified after I started conforming, shaking my head to whatever treatment that was forced upon me. It was at that point that I began to acquire leave. Your tight grip loosens whenever conformity is achieved. And conformity is the only option that you give. One can forget about working with the staff to achieve an optimal treatment plan that is best for you. One is given a method that is solidly created by your professionals that is apparently best for you. Any negotiation of this plan is seen as non-compliance and is dealt with by the tightening grips of your system's cold fingers. To work with your system is impossible. Your system does not make way for one to work with it. You create the “ us and them ” mentality, and wonder why your patients receive a poor taste in their mouths. The psychiatrist waves their brutal sword called a pen and condemns their plan on you, to be carried out by the nurses using whatever means necessary. The psychiatrist does not have the patient's health in mind, but their compliance. All is well as long as the patient has no will of their own.



The ward is not a place of healing but instead a place of misery. Healing is not encouraged. Not a soul responds to one's tears. The ward is reduced as a holding cell to ensure that patients consume their medications. The consistent malice from other patients confirms this premise. You have not provided a very nice atmosphere to encourage healing, nor are the staff trained to be effective counsellors to anyone. One must ask the same question many times to a staff member to get an appropriate response. Every time one request something from a staff member they cross their fingers hoping the patient forgets. This becomes extremely irritating and makes the patient feel as if they are bothering the staff member for them to merely do their job.



This has been the worst thing that I have ever experienced in my life. The psychiatrist is not concerned with my life and the way that I wish to live it, but a statistical life and the way that it generally lives it. Your unit does not provide a holistic healing environment but instead a prison to “ re-process ” people you deem as mentally unsound in society – people who do not pass your bar of sanity. Your process was quick to deem my personality traits which I have intentionally built over many years as schizophrenic psychotic episodes or results thereof. The psychiatrists' agenda is to compartmentalise an individual. To place an individual into a box and make them a statistic so they can treat them with more statistics. To have my spiritual and philosophical understandings entirely undermined and written off was extremely insulting. To compartmentalise my found understandings as by-products of a mental illness was out of line.



I was told by my psychiatrist that “ I lack insight into my condition ” , but this was the end of the conversation and not the beginning. To be disillusioned means that sight is not clear. I was not told where my sight was unclear. The beginning of a conversation was pushed as the end. Was I supposed to just blindly accept that I was wallowing in misunderstandings and leave it at that? You raise a huge point of concern and try to package it up as the illness. “ You have a thought illness called Schizophrenia, which causes you to be disillusioned. That is all, next. ” I think that you all have a thought disorder for expecting me to blindly accept your conclusions without leading me to real conclusions – to find out what it is that we are speaking about so that we can truly treat it. But it is not the goal of your system to treat the root cause, but instead treat symptoms. Well I do not work that way, unless of course all of my freedom is stripped from me and I am reduced to an insane patient who does not know what is good for himself. Then I will work whatever way that you tell me to, because that is how you loosen your grips.



If it was under my control I would investigate down the line to find the root cause of my problems, so then I could work on that instead of just treating symptom after symptom. Your system will never truly help people because it ignores the root cause! Otherwise you would at least have psychologist readily available to speak to those who need to speak to someone. Nurses are not sufficient as qualified psychologist. Attempting to push this role on to them is out of line. And most do not have the time of day for their patients. Patients need someone who wants to speak to them. Who cares about them and their feelings. Who wants to help them help themselves. A caring listening ear who is trained to help patients sort out their own thoughts is one of the many things that you guys do not provide.



How is one supposed to remedy lack of insight? By carefully studying that which we are talking about. My "mental illness", my medications, my lost perceptions, related conditions, brain chemistry, and any other related scientific understandings of my said delusions. But this was impossible seeing as there was no material related to this. I had to push hard for the Wikipedia's that I did get. There was no studying what it was the doctors were telling me. Only blind acceptance, which is what you pushed every second of the way. Blind compliance was your agenda. That is the cookie cutter mould for all of your patients. Don't let them think for themselves, we will think for them.



I am told that I am disillusioned for burning my identification. I am not. I saw a problem – the root of the problem – and did what I needed to do to begin its rectification. Those numbers all over everything that apparently is, “ me ” , are in fact not me. I have been reduced to a number my entire life. Your system reduces each individual to a number – a statistic that can be treated by other statistics. You have forgotten that there are real people behind these faces. The faces to you are only mentally insane patients who are grouped by their diagnosis. Surprise! Your diagnosis is not that person. You try to persuade each individual to agree with their diagnosis so that they too can compartmentalise themselves into a box and agree with your treatment plan, a treatment plan that can fit your subjective ideas on how a person should live their life and how they should be. Individualism is thrown out the door and replaced with collectivism, whether one likes it or not. Your ideals become the only ideal and the only option is to conform. You think you are helping? You need to reflect whether you are really helping. And if your answer is, “ Yes, I am helping ” , my question to you is, “ By whose standards? ” .



Once admitted in your hospital, one cannot win. One must be extremely careful of their language because it will be taken out of context and used against you at a later date. One is damned if they speak and damned if they do not. At one point I chose to exercise my freedom of silence and a senior staff member responded extremely inappropriately, for example, “ grow up ” , “ act your age ” , “ stop being a child ” . If one speaks, at a later date your words will be taken out of its context to develop a case against you. If you do not speak, that too will develop a case against you. Once in your system, one cannot win. You are already insane. You are damned by your policies and procedures, and everything will be done to not only try and disprove your sanity, but also get you to question whether you have indeed lost your sanity. Everything you once valued is questioned and deemed the manifestations of a madman. Your system is insane. It needs to go through your system so it can be judged by itself. Only then can it understand how evil it is.



How has your system helped me? It has not. I could not voice my concerns because if I did I would of remained captive in your system for much longer. Now that I am out I plan to get my medication right [off] and get better. Your detention centre does not give room for one to get better. Locking one up against their will - stripping them from all their freedom and treating them as mad when they have done nothing wrong does not help. The only improvements that occurred during my unwilling stay in your prison was done from me. I was able to work on myself. Now is my time to reverse the damage that you have done to me. Now that I am out, treatment is on my terms. I will get help while learning so that I can make up my own mind about what is happening to me and what I want to happen to me. Like I said to begin with, I know myself better than any of you because I spent my life learning myself. I was the best man for the job but you bypassed that man. Now that man is back and he will chase treatment that works for him instead of you. You should of just kept me apart of my treatment to begin with. That was all I asked for.

Sincerely,

Wendell

I do not stop writing these people.

They ignore me.

Act 10

Love's Freedom

May 9, 2011

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When we stand back and observe romantic relationships within our own cultural enframement we are led to ask why suffering is so tightly wound up with our conception and application of love. Let us journey together through the abstract nature of love to extract true value.

Introduction. Our love stands strong as a guide to the decisions that one chooses on a day to day basis. One ’ s time is directed towards increasing happiness by seeking that which is loved. Unfortunately, the uninvited guest named ‘ suffering ’ seems to present itself the closer that we get to reaching this love. Are we merely captives to current conceptions of love? For love to merely exist to encourage reproduction seems to discredit the importance of this love. To label one ’ s love as an inevitable conflict between individuals exposes love as hopeless. There appears to be something hidden in the very concept of love that could stand as knowledge itself. But to access this knowledge, must one necessarily suffer? It could stand to reason that suffering is a result of the corruption of love and does not manifest from love itself.



Love ’ s Ideological Captivity. At birth, an infant is passed an ideological preconception of their purpose. A cookie cutter that was also passed to the infants caretaker. A purpose to find happiness through romantic love. Current culture hands the cookie cutter to the infant and expects it to readily jump into the cutter ’ s borders. The infant is expected to grow within that cookie cutter so that eventually they can be what current culture expects it to be. If one decides not to use that cookie cutter to mould their being, they become something not understood. They become alienated by those whom are different from their own culturally relative collective teachings.



The present ideological cookie cutter within Western culture pressures each individual to value romantic love as ultimate life purpose. One is held captive to a particular ideology of love. Romantic love is obsessed over, which causes great anguish on the subjects psychology. For one to have a ‘ good ’ life, one is expected to grow up, fall in love, have a family, work, retire, and then die. How is one to react to this ideology of love? It appears premature to assert that romantic love will achieve this happiness when relationship after relationship struggles and falls apart in front of our eyes. Culture ’ s notion of ‘ love ’ seems to cause its people great amounts of pain and suffering. To say that romantic love can truly lead us to personal happiness seems extremely rash when one can understand from the observations in their own lives, countless unhealthy, miserable, and failed romantic partnerships.



Defining an Abstract such as ‘ Love ’ . To define romantic love, the haze of the abstraction must be cleared. It seems to manifest in each individual and guide their entire lives. One is led to investigate culture and what purpose it serves and why it is so highly valued in our current society. The ability to achieve happiness appears to be very closely tied to love. When we attempt to define this love, we tend to only be able to define what it is not, which creates confusion by comparison. This ultimately steers us away from our subjects real essence, which is and can only be itself.



According to Schopenhauer, one ’ s desire for romantic love is heavily dependant on the human desire to reproduce for the greater good of the species from an impersonal level. To reproduce is to continue one ’ s own self. It is to continue ones own existence in and through another. He asserts,

“ he will specially desire in the other individual those perfections that he himself lacks; in fact, he will even find beautiful those imperfections that are the opposite of his own. Hence, for example, short men look for tall women, persons with fair hair like those with dark, and so on. The delusive ecstasy that seizes a man at the sight of a woman whose beauty is suited to him, and pictures to him a union with her as the highest good, is just the sense of the species. ” Schopenhauer continues, “ Therefore, what here guides man is really an instinct directed to what is best for the species, whereas man himself imagines he is seeking merely a heightening of his own pleasure. ” (Arthur Schopenhauer, The World As Will and Representation (New York: Dover, 1958), 539)

From this heteronormative perspective, one can understand romantic love to exist like a magic trick presented to the audience. Each individual is asked, “ Is this your card? ” , and the responses are, “ Wow, yes! ” . However, the factual trick is that all of the cards are the same. One believes this magic trick to be performed specific to their own individual selves, when in actual fact, they are simply the subjects of nature ’ s own agenda: to sexually reproduce to improve the genetic gene pool of future generations.



The accuracy of this depiction does not account for many types of relationships. Homosexual, asexual, virus infected, and infertile relationships present an innate flaw in Schopenhauer ’ s conclusion. In current society, one does not always seek what one lacks within the other, and one might seek similarities rather than genetic development. Short people might seek short people, and tall people might seek tall people. It could stand to reason that Schopenhauer ’ s depiction was composed of his own cultural cookie cutter, that encouraged a cleaner genetic pool.



We are left with something hidden that is difficult to pinpoint or even articulate. The cookie cutter has given the mould, but not explained the reason why this particular mould should be utilized instead of another.

The Experiment. Upon commencing my investigations into this topic, I was asked by a co-worker, “ What? You don ’ t already understand what love is? ” I responded with, “ No, do you? ” He brushed me off pridefully stating, “ You must be stupid. ” I questioned him seeking his declared wisdom asking, “ What do you know love to be? ” His initial reply consisted of multiple linguistic filler words, followed with, “ I can ’ t believe that you don ’ t know what love is. ”



The more I learn about this topic, the more I understand its unchecked ramifications. Just as Aristotle teaches one to practically integrate wisdom from thoughts into actions (Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics, translated by W. D. Ross (ebook, 1994), 4), my mission became to find out how others around me understood and interpreted this subject. It was at this point I commenced an experiment. One individual after another I sat down with, in attempts to extract a more competent understanding of my current cultures understanding of love, asking the popular but seemingly unanswered question, “ What is love? ”



I asked this question to a large number of age groups, sexual orientations, and relationship statuses. I spoke with over thirty individuals. In every case, the trend of hesitance and surprise carried on from the original subject. I was able to extract little to no information from a single person. Most concluded that I was mentally inept for asking such an ‘ obvious ’ question. From one perspective, the experiment was a failure. But was it really? This tells me that there is definitely something hiding in love. Something that others feel more comfortable to act within instead of articulating. The blurry heart now stands out as being what it is: extremely blurry. In a love driven society, we seem to know very little about it. Could suffering contribute to our cultural naivety on the topic of “ love ” ?



Consideration also must be given to the cultural confinement of this experiment. This only accounts for a small portion of individuals whom reside and have contact with me within the small military town of Augusta, Georgia, USA. This experiment might assist us in our investigations, but can in no way account for the entire world or even all of Augusta. Our topic of love remains a mystery, and reasons why one would choose to endure through its suffering remains an abstraction. However, if our position shifts to observe another side of the metaphorical cube in question, answers may follow.



Conflict! It stands to question whether the source of this desired happiness is misplaced. To identify personal happiness primarily within another directly puts us eye to eye with the bull. Sartre asserts that a relationship places us in direct conflict with the other.

“ While I attempt to free myself from the hold of the Other, the Other is trying to free himself from mine; while I seek to enslave the Other, the Other seeks to enslave me. ” (Jean-Paul Sartre, Being and Nothingness (New York: Washington Square Press, 1961), 77)



From this perspective, ones task is to claim a type of ownership of the other. A role to capture the freedom of the other. It is not a ‘ love potion ’ that is desired, but a free choice to give up some of thyself for the other and the likewise, directed towards one ’ s own person. Both parties desire for the other to utilize their freedom to in turn suppress their autonomy to comply with the asserted requirements of the other. To freely and passionately commit oneself to that other, but ironically, resulting in destruction of parts of that very freedom in question. Thus, for Sartre, a direct conflict exists between both parties who desire to own the current object of their affection. Both parties actively and constantly winning and losing parts of themselves within their expectations and requirements of and from the other. It lies unconsciously as the goal of each involved to strive to recover those parts of themselves that have been lost as a result of the other ’ s subjugation.



I for one do not wish to be the cause of a process as sinister as this. To gain an ability to effectively fix mechanical problems, one must understand the mechanical problems involved. To be able to relate this depiction in almost every relationship that I have seen frightens me. But this is not written in stone and I cannot accept this to always be the case. Two individuals aware of these mechanical workings will be equipped with tools that many are not. They do not have to be doomed to this fate.



True Hidden Knowledge. Reflecting on the prior survey, we are led to interrogate what love really is and how it functions. The hidden seems special. For Nussbaum, the not so obvious is in fact just the opposite: the only given. This given seems to not just be an abstract concept, but true knowledge itself. As science acts as a vehicle directed towards knowledge, love stands as the knowledge itself. This love that we are very careful before verbalization, but drives our entire life, acting not just as a word, but stands as true knowledge itself.

“ knowledge of our love is not the fruit of the impression of suffering, a fruit that might in principle have been apart from suffering. The suffering itself is a piece of self-knowing. ” (Martha C. Nussbaum, Loves Knowledge (New York: Oxford, 1990), 267)

This places perspective on our topic ’ s experiment. To articulate love is to place the known into the less known. The vehicle to communicate this knowledge might lie within intellectual scrutiny, however, in doing this, the result is only backtracking from the known. From this knowledge that we truly know stands impossible to reject. It is already known, felt, and acted within. It is there and is contradictory to what one already knows to proclaim any different.



Love ’ s Anguish. How can one come to understand and cope with all the pain and suffering that manifests as a result of our love? The moment the other departs one ’ s side, suffering incurs. To love one is required to make sacrifices that demean their own individual autonomy. It is to place trust in a fallible being to continue to carry out this role. To love is to take many risks, some that could result in human suffering. Each heart knows this, yet most persist in a constant struggle directed towards love. If Nussbaum is correct, love is not something that can be avoided because it already is. Each individual is guided by it. To avoid it is to avoid true knowledge itself. It is what it is, and the knowledge it manifests as a result is observed in the actions of every individual.



The relevant inquiry seems not to be, “ What is? ” , but instead, “ What can one do about it? ” For Nussbaum, the answer lies in learning how to fall. (Martha C.Nussbaum, Loves Knowledge (New York: Oxford, 1990), 274 - 280) As within martial arts, to avoid intense pain and suffering, one must learn how to fall. To reduce the great suffering that is involved with falling, one can learn how to fall so that minimal damage is inflicted. Suffering can exist as a learning utility to avoid future critical wounds. If thrown to the ground by another, one can learn to sit back into the force of the fall and prepare for the impact. The result is still the ground, but the damage inflicted is minimized. To rise up, brush oneself off, and move on can become an inconvenience which does not need to cripple us.



Why Suffer? Learning how to fall appears to be a great deal more appealing than ignorant suffering. Can it stand as a solution to assist humankind