THE HEAVENS—Saying He was dealing with a lot of stuff at the time, God Almighty, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, admitted to reporters Monday that He was in a pretty bad place when He created the universe. “To be honest, it’s kind of hard for me to look at these days—it just brings me back to a real difficult time,” said the Lord, explaining that while He was physically commanding the heavens and the earth to come into being back then, mentally He was “a total wreck.” “Quite often, I’ll come across some aspect of the universe and just think to myself, ‘Wow, I put some pretty dark stuff in there.’ Sure, I like what I did with light and some of the animals, but boy, on the whole, I think I may have been a little too emotional when I made this thing.” God added that He was considering just getting rid of the whole thing to get it off His mind.

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