When Sheila Jones called the Almighty on her mobile phone, she only pretended to speak to him (she probably knew from experience that God never actually picks up).

The headmistress of a Roman Catholic Primary School in Devizes has been accused of making children lie face down on the floor while she pretends to ring God on her mobile phone to say they have been naughty. Parents say they were outraged that head Sheila Jones humiliated their children, and have written to Ofsted [the government’s Office of Standards in Education] and the school governors.

Some parents are calling (ha!) for the head mistress to step down.

Says one mother whose 11-year-old son son was upset by the odd punishment:

“He didn’t think he had done anything wrong so I tried to speak to Mrs. Jones about it but she refused to talk to me.”

Ms. Jones was probably imagining talking to God right at that time, both of them giggling after He asked her what she was wearing and she coquettishly replied “As if you don’t know.”

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