A common thread throughout the impeachment hearings has been Republicans’ attempts to get witnesses to agree with some completely baseless conspiracy theory they think will exonerate Donald Trump. We’re paraphrasing slightly, but most of the questions have been along the lines of: “Are you familiar with the article published on 4chan on June 16 that said Joe Biden and his son were engaged in a cover-up that threatened the safety of every American, and that the joint chiefs of staff told President Trump it must be investigated?” “Did you know that it’s been reported that Hunter Biden’s work for Burisma was viewed as the next 9/11 by Obama State Department staffers?” “Gordon Sondland came here yesterday and told us that it was a fact that Ukraine, and not Russia, meddled in the 2016 election—when did you first realize that too?” “I hold in my hand a sworn tweet by @realDonaldTrump testifying that he did absolutely nothing wrong, not one little thing—what do you say to that?” “You’re a spy working for the Ukrainians, aren’t you?”

These questions have been met with responses that range from “No, I’m not familiar with that,” to looks of bemusement, to completely blank stares and, if they existed, thought bubbles hovering just above that read “the fuck?” They’ve been summarily shot down by each and every witness that has appeared before the House Intelligence Committee, yet they persist because, sadly, it’s all Republicans have. Still, you might have thought, given the opening remarks by former National Security Council official Fiona Hill—which lawmakers and the public were able to read in advance of today’s proceedings—that somebody would’ve gotten the word out that they should scramble for an alternative, even if that meant reading aloud passages from Donald Trump Jr.’s latest contribution to literature, Triggered: How the Left Thrives on Hate and Wants to Silence Us. The tip-off should’ve been when Hill used her relatively short prepared remarks to tell the group:

Based on questions and statements I have heard, some of you on this committee appear to believe that Russia and its security services did not conduct a campaign against our country—and that perhaps, somehow, for some reason, Ukraine did. This is a fictional narrative that has been perpetrated and propagated by the Russian security services themselves.