Songs From A Decemberists Album Where Nobody Gets Murdered

“What A Successful Harvest This Was, Let’s Not Rape Anybody”

“The Sailor Who Died Of Old Age (Not Because Of A Weird Old-Age Curse Either, He Really Lived To A Naturally Old Age)”

“The Summer Nobody Died”

“This Lighthouse Isn’t Haunted”

“The Chimney That Wasn’t Stuffed With The Bodies Of Murdered Women”

“A List Of People Who Have Never Drowned”

“The Boy Who Joined A Guild And Worked Hard”

“Life As A Chimney Sweep Is Difficult But I’d Certainly Never Start Murdering Sex Workers Who Remind Me Of My Mother Just To Relieve The Stress”

“Let’s Not Strangle The Dauphin”

“The Landlord’s Daughter (‘s Name Was Penelope And She Was A Great Bookkeeper Who Eventually Married A Prosperous Merchant And They Had Four Healthy Children)”

“A Deer That Is Just A Deer, Not An Enchanted Prince That Will Leave You Pregnant With A Witch-Son”

“A Queen Not Doing Murder”

“You Can Keep Your Heart Inside Your Own Body”

“Everyone In This Mining Camp Respects One Another’s Boundaries”

“There Are No Evil Wizards In This Song, Just Hard-Working Mill Owners”

“I Love You And I Won’t Bayonet Your Brother”

“The Butcher Who Only Slaughtered Animals For Food, Never People”

“Let’s Raise This Baby Instead Of Smashing It On Some Cobblestones”

“Let’s Have A Picnic By The River, Then Not Drown Each Other In It”

“Society Is Functioning Pretty Well (Here In The Past Where We Live)”

“We Have Enough Food This Winter”

“Just An Ordinary Riverboat Captain Who’s Only Had Consensual Sex”

“Margaret, A Woman Who Is Alive And Reasonably Content”