Anonymous asked: Which story of yours is the one where jerry grows every time his ego does or something? I flipped to it randomly once and forgot where it is in the book and I can't find it anywhere.

The Inquiry

Jerry compiles some of his best jokes into a book and sells it before and after his shows. A fan approaches him after a performance one night and asks him about a joke he told at a comedy club several years prior. Jerry racks his brain but can’t seem to remember what the person is talking about. “Thank you so much for buying the book, though! I hope you enjoy it—it means a lot.”

The next day, he asks George if he recalls the joke, but George confesses he has never actually listened to any of Jerry’s standup. “It’s your voice,” he says. “I just can’t pay attention for more than ten seconds at a time. That’s why this works: you talk, I talk, you talk, I talk.”

Insisting on consuming all food in “capsule form”, Kramer has trained his jaw to unhinge so that he can swallow things container and all. He groans something at Jerry but it’s indecipherable around the milk carton sliding down his throat.

Several nights later, the joke finally comes to him as he’s about to fall asleep, but he realizes he never took down the fan’s contact information. Elaine advises him to take out a classified ad in the New York Times. After several days without any response, Jerry ups the ante and takes out a subway ad. After another week, he rents a billboard. Soon the entire city is saturated with Jerry’s ad, but still he receives no reply.

Months later, Jerry spots the fan walking down the street and chases them down into the subway and back up to street level. Finally, after a circuitous pursuit, they both wind up panting and hunched over in Central Park.

“Didn’t you see my ads!?” asks Jerry after he catches his breath.



“Of course I did!” growls the fan.

“Well why didn’t you get in touch?”



“Because you’re a goddamn Megalomaniac, Seinfeld!”

