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We hereby retract this entire segment of our article.

The Crossroads meetings that I wish we'd seen took place a bit farther down the line. Meetings like the one that must have happened at some point in time, where a junior executive timidly raised his hand and said, "Should this low-budget pop star vanity project really have a scene where it turns out that Britney's best friend's fiance got her other best friend pregnant by raping her?"

Then, after that unfortunate person had been fired and production continued, there definitely had to be another meeting where an assistant junior executive cautiously cleared her throat and asked, "OK, but in this movie targeted toward the pre-teens that make up Britney's audience ... after the boyfriend is revealed as a rapist, should the pregnant friend really flee the scene, trip down a flight of stairs and have a miscarriage?"

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Frankly, we're tired of this go-to trope.

After that firing, an unpaid intern most assuredly chimed in at a meeting and said, "I'm just an unpaid intern, but should Britney's dad really be played by an enormous garbage bag filled almost to bursting with turkey stuffing?" Then he said, "No, I've never heard of Dan Aykroyd, I'm 18." Then he said, "You're kidding! That's the Blues Brothers guy? Did he eat John Belushi?"

That guy wasn't fired because his uncle is McG, but finally, a caterer chimed in at a meeting and said, "I know I don't work here, but you're not really going to have the fiance reveal himself as the rapist by taking a sip of beer from a blue bottle, which the girl he raped mentioned he was also drinking the night that he raped her? Not only do I not think they make beer in blue bottles, but the mere act of drinking one would hardly be construed by any rational person as solid evidence that you're a rapist. Which of you idiots had the Reuben?"