By: Justin English

Just like everybody else I decided to try marijuana for the very first time now that it’s legal and Pastor Isaiah has said it’s ok. I have a condition known as baby lung that prevents me from smoking anything or breathing to heavily so I decided going to eat marijuana edibles.

I’ve already eaten two of the “kush deluxe brownie” because the person I bought it from said that the brownies were pretty weak, and it’s not like Blunts, Bongs and Buds Dispensary would hire just anyone. They taste better than I thought they would, like a regular brownie but with distinct notes of dirt.

I ate the brownies 30 minutes ago and I don’t feel anything so I’m going to have another one. I feel like a real bad boy, like Cheech and/or Chong!

I’m starting to feel a slight sense of euphoria. I was worried that I had eaten too many edibles but now all that anxiety has melted away and I’m really in the mood for another brownie. I’ve never done this before so I’m going to assume that this is the highest I’ll get and it definitely isn’t the beginning of a terrible wave. I have a super high tolerance for booze and can only assume that it will be exactly the same for cannabis.

I’m feeling good, but I don’t really see the big deal about marijuana. On an unrelated note I can no longer pronounce the word hamburger. Humburger. Hambanger. Himbibom. Have I ever been able to say that word? What did I order when I went to McDonalds?

As much as I’m enjoying my new found life as a doobie munching stoner I do have a creeping paranoia that everyone I know, or will ever know, hates me. I’m entirely sure that is unrelated to the 4 marijuana baked goods I have consumed in the last half an hour.

I am in a prison outside of time and space. I am trapped forever in this body gradually moving through the thick sludge of existence. No ending, no beginning, no meaning.

I am having a great revelation about the nature of human existence. A truly powerful is visiting upon me and illuminating all aspects of the universe. Wait a second. What was I saying? I forget.

Oooooooo brownies.