While the rest of the globe battled debt crises and stagnating economies, did you sleepwalk through the election campaign? Do you need to be reminded who wears which colours on the field?

Conservatives don't get into politics to protect welfare benefits or uplift the poor, so why are you surprised a government comprised of them does neither?

Do you order burgers and complain they contain meat? Do you fly to Bali and plonk your porky patootie on the sands of Kuta and bleat you can't see La Tour Eiffel?

Cut welfare. Reward business. Downsize the public service. This is what the Coalition does, it's a national tradition. Or have you not being paying attention to the leopard's spots?

As Waleed Aly put it so succinctly yesterday: "You cannot rein in deficits and abolish two major taxes, and replace one of them with a climate change policy that costs billions and promise no tax hikes and quarantine education, health, defence, public broadcasting and pensions from cuts. That’s like a weight-loss diet that does away with protein but promises no cuts to cake and lard!"