Vaguely Beer-related Quotes from the FinderPop Aboutbox

FinderPop was the first Pintware for the Mac when it was released back in 1997. Pintware is basically freeware but with the added twist that if you like the program enough, you can send me a few bucks which I promise to turn into beer.

I respect kindness in human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer. -- Brendan Behan

I'll never join one of those online dating services. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way. Through alcohol and poor judgement. -- Seen on Twitter

Every day at cocktail hour I thank God I'm not an alcoholic. -- J. Hinman

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. -- Henny Youngman

I drink to forget, but I never forget to drink. -- Anon.

The wages of gin is breath. -- Anon.

Wine is as good as life to a man, if it be drunk moderately: what is life then to a man that is without wine? For it was made to make men glad. -- Ecclesiasticus

Beer. So much more than just a breakfast drink! -- Anon.

When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.

Not screaming in terror like his passengers. -- Jack Handey

Not screaming in terror like his passengers. An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with fools. -- Ernest Hemingway, "For Whom The Bell Tolls"

Smoking cures weight problems ... eventually. -- Steven Wright

...and always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: "A truck!" -- Emo Phillips

Bigamy is having one wife too many.

Monogamy is the same. -- Oscar Wilde

Monogamy is the same. What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

"Make me one with everything." -- Anon.

"Make me one with everything." Atheism is a non prophet organization. -- Anon.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. -- Anon.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. -- Steven Wright

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk.

That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. -- Ernest Hemingway

That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. He was a wise man who invented beer. -- Plato

If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he comes next to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination. --Thomas de Quincey

Work is the curse of the drinking class. -- Oscar Wilde

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. -- Humphrey Bogart

A hangover is the wrath of grapes. -- Anon.

...and a woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke. -- Rudyard Kipling

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? -- W.C. Fields

I drink with impunity ... or anyone else who invites me. -- W.C. Fields

You can't drink all day ... unless you start in the morning. -- Gary Larson

Teaching has ruined more American novelists than drink. -- Gore Vidal

In Vino Veritas, In Cervesio Felicitas. -- Anon.

Fermentation may have been a greater discovery than fire. -- David Rains Wallace

When things go wrong and will not come right,

Though you do the best you can,

When life looks black as the hour of night -

A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN.

When money's tight and hard to get

And your horse is an also-ran,

When all you have is a heap of debt -

A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN.

When health is bad and your heart feels strange,

And your face is pale and wan,

When doctors say you need a change,

A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN.

When food is scarce and your larder bare

And no rashers grease your pan,

When hunger grows as your meals are rare -

A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN.

In time of trouble and lousy strife,

You have still got a darlint plan

You still can turn to a brighter life -

A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN.

-- Flann O'Brien, "At Swim Two Birds"

Though you do the best you can, When life looks black as the hour of night - A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN. When money's tight and hard to get And your horse is an also-ran, When all you have is a heap of debt - A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN. When health is bad and your heart feels strange, And your face is pale and wan, When doctors say you need a change, A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN. When food is scarce and your larder bare And no rashers grease your pan, When hunger grows as your meals are rare - A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN. In time of trouble and lousy strife, You have still got a darlint plan You still can turn to a brighter life - A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN. All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer, and here are we drinking Barry Manilow. -- Dave Barry

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. -- Dave Barry

There is no such thing as a bad beer. It just that some beers taste better than others. -- Billy Carter

Woody: How would a beer feel, Mr. Peterson?

Norm: Pretty nervous if I was in the room.

-- Norm from 'Cheers'

Norm: Pretty nervous if I was in the room. Woody: Little early in the day for a beer, isn't it, Norm?

Norm: So float a corn flake in it. -- Norm

Norm: So float a corn flake in it. 1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d -- T-shirt

The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. -- William Butler Yeats

To drink without thirst and to make love all the time, madam, it is only these which distinguish us from the other beasts. -- Beaumarchais

Only Irish Coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups - alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. -- Alex Levine

Abstinence is a good thing if practiced in moderation. -- Anon.

God grant me chastity and temperance, but not just yet. -- St. Augustine

Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it. -- Anon.

If only we could fall into a woman's arms - without falling into her hands. -- Anon.

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. -- Catherine Zandonella

A good local pub has much in common with a church, except that a pub is warmer, and there's more conversation. -- William Blake

Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what?

A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer.

Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure... nope, not even close.

--Homer Simpson

A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure... nope, not even close. Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. -- Winston Churchill

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. -- Benjamin Franklin

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. -- Kaiser Wilhelm

I drink to make other people interesting. -- George Jean Nathan

Beer makes you sick when you're well, Beer when you're sick makes you well. -- By way of Wayne's Dad

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs. -- David Daye

The way to fight a woman is with your hat. Grab it and run. -- John Barrymore

If the headache would only precede the intoxication, alcoholism would be a virtue. -- Samuel Butler

There is nothing for a case of nerves like a case of beer. -- Joan Goldstein

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. -- Homer J. Simpson

Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the cost becomes prohibitive. -- William F Buckley, Jr

I find the only thing that really stands up, better than gambling, better than booze, better than women, is reading. -- Mario Puzo

If you drink like a fish, don't drive: swim. -- Joe E. Lewis

Marriage is based on the theory that when a man discovers a particular brand of beer

exactly to his taste he should at once throw up his job and go to work in a brewery. -- H. L. Mencken

exactly to his taste he should at once throw up his job and go to work in a brewery. I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample there was an olive in it. -- Rodney Dangerfield

There are more old drunks than old doctors. -- Anon.

'Twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it. -- W.C. Fields

A little learning is a dangerous thing

Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian Spring

There shallow draughts intoxicate the brain

And drinking largely sobers us again.

-- Alexander Pope

Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian Spring There shallow draughts intoxicate the brain And drinking largely sobers us again. Adhere to Schweinheitsgebot: Don't put anything in your beer that a pig wouldn't eat. -- Attributed to David Geary

Don't put anything in your beer that a pig wouldn't eat. I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. -- Frank Sinatra

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1562. -- Anon.

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a support group: salvation in a can! -- Anon.

Alcohol is like love: the first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine.

After that you just take the girl's clothes off. -- Raymond Chandler, "The Long Goodbye"

After that you just take the girl's clothes off. We are here to drink beer ... and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us. -- Charles Bukowski

Port is not for the very young, the vain and the active. It is the comfort of age and the companion of the scholar and the philosopher. -- Evelyn Waugh

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. -- Hannu

A fine beer may be judged with just one sip, but it's better to be thoroughly sure. -- Old Czech Proverb

In victory, you deserve champagne, in defeat, you need it. -- Napoleon

It's a naive domestic Burgundy without any breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption. -- James Thurber

"Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"

"Oh, alright, but stop me at one. No, make that one-thirty." -- Norm

"Oh, alright, but stop me at one. No, make that one-thirty." It is my design to die in the brew-house;

let ale be placed to my mouth when I am expiring,

that when the choirs of angels come,

they may say, "Be God propitious to this drinker." -- Saint Columbanus

let ale be placed to my mouth when I am expiring, that when the choirs of angels come, they may say, "Be God propitious to this drinker." Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die. -- Ecclesiastes

People are taking their comedians seriously and their politicians as a joke. -- Will Rogers

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. -- Dean Martin

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side. -- Hunter S. Thompson

Filled with mingled cream and amber;

I will drain that glass again.

Most peculiar visions clamber

through the chamber of my brain.

Quaintest thoughts, queerest fancies,

come to life, and fade away.

What care I how time advances?

I am drinking ale today.

-- Edgar Allan Poe, "Lines On Ale"

I will drain that glass again. Most peculiar visions clamber through the chamber of my brain. Quaintest thoughts, queerest fancies, come to life, and fade away. What care I how time advances? I am drinking ale today. A quart of ale is a dish for a king. -- Shakespeare, "A Winter's Tale"

Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

-- Cliff to Norm on 'Cheers'

"Can I draw you a beer, Norm?"

"No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one." -- Norm

"No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one." "Hey, Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you."

"I know, and if she calls, I'm not here." -- Norm

"I know, and if she calls, I'm not here." Fermentation and civilization are inseparable. -- John Ciardi

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks straight from the bottle. -- Henny Youngman

It is really an atrocious institution, this Christmas. We must be gluttonous because it is Christmas. We must be drunken because it is Christmas. We must be insincerely generous; we must buy things that nobody wants, and give them to people we don't like; we must go to absurd entertainments that make even our little children satirical; we must writhe under venal officiousness from legions of freebooters, all because it is Christmas - that is, because the mass of the population ... depends on a week of license and brigandage, waste and intemperance, to clear off its outstanding liabilities at the end of the year. As for me, I shall fly from it all tomorrow or next day to some remote spot miles from a shop. -- G.B. Shaw

Malt does more than Milton can

To justify God's ways to man.

-- AE Houseman, "A Shropshire Lad"

To justify God's ways to man. Beer will always have a definite role in the diet of an individual and can be considered a cog in the wheel of nutritional foods. -- Bruce Carlton

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. -- W.C. Fields

You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are. -- Colonel Adolphus Busch

The most dangerous food of all is wedding cake. -- James Thurber

The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable. -- J. K. Galbraith

Bacchus has drowned more men than Neptune. -- Giuseppe Garibaldi

If you wish to keep your affairs secret, drink no wine. -- Anon.

Before I started working here I drank, smoked, and used foul language for no reason at all. But thanks to this job, I now have a reason. -- Fitz McKinzie

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him whose ? -- Don Marquis

? "Oh Christ!" I scream aloud, taking the name of the Lord in vain to underscore the seriousness of the situation. -- Philip Michaels

She said, "I know you ... you cannot sing." I said, "That's nothing, you should hear me play the piano." -- Morrissey

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit. -- W. Somerset Maugham

A good pun is its own reword. -- Anon

One more drink and I'd be under the host. -- Dorothy Parker

If you're unlucky enough not to have alcoholic parents, it takes you a whole lifetime of intoxication to overcome the dead weight of their virtues. -- Emil Michel Cioran

After a theatre run, it took me a long time to start drinking again during the day. -- Morgan Jones

We're wanted men, we'll strike again, but first let's have a beer. -- Jimmy Buffett

Here's to a long life and a merry one; A quick death and an easy one; A pretty girl and a true one; A cold beer, and another one. -- Lewis Henry

If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. -- J. K. Galbraith

I believe this would be a good time for a beer. -- Franklin Delano Roosevelt on signing the 21st amendment

Wine is sunlight, held together by water. -- Galileo Galilei

Wine is bottled poetry. -- Robert Louis Stevenson

I'm going to be around until the Atomic Energy Commission finds a safe place to bury my liver. -- Phil Harris

Teetotallers lack the sympathy and generosity of men that drink. -- W.H. Davies

I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy. -- Emo Philips

The great evil of wine is that it first seizes the feet, it is a crafty wrestler. -- Titus Maccius

I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already. -- Tommy Cooper

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do. -- P. J. O'Rourke

Dom Pérignon, the 17th Century monk who supposedly was the first to make sparkling wine in the Champagne area of France, is said, while tasting the first bottle, to have called out to a fellow friar, "Come quickly, I'm tasting stars!"

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming. -- W. C. Fields

A magnum a day keeps the doctor away. -- Baron Henry de Montesquieu

"Gobeksiz erkek balkonsuz eve benzer", meaning "A man without a belly is like a house without a balcony." -- Turkish saying

It may be beer is best. G. K. Chesterton, 'The Secret People'

There's nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation. -- John Ciardi

A fine beer may be judged with just one sip, but it's better to be completely sure. -- Czech proverb

Pretty women make us buy beer. Ugly women make us drink beer. -- Al Bundy

beer. Ugly women make us beer. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. -- Kinky Friedman

I learned early to drink beer, wine and whiskey. And I think I was about 5 when I first chewed tobacco. -- Babe Ruth

One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough. -- James Thurber

There's something sexy about a gut. Not a 400-pound beer gut, but a little paunch. I love that. -- Sandra Bullock (yes, really!)

Beer is truly the miracle liquid. It makes beautiful what is ugly, it makes do-able what is impossible, it makes painless what is torture - and also makes us pee when we think the bladder is empty. - Anon.