You have probably read that York Region school board trustee Nancy Elgie used a horrible, racist term in speaking about a black parent last November. This has provoked both anger and pain, and some have called for her resignation. As Nancy’s children, we ask only that you learn the full story — which has not all come out yet — before passing judgment.

After a board meeting on Nov. 22nd, Nancy was in a hallway conversation with another trustee. She tried to identify one of the parents profiled in a media story about racism in schools, which referred to some children being called the horrible “N-word.” In trying to explain that, Nancy stumbled over her words, and they came out sounding like she was trying to call the woman that term.

Given the ugly legacy of racism in society, it is not surprising that many people were quick to assume the worst of Nancy, even discounting that she had suffered a head trauma several weeks earlier. Such words — even used accidentally — are painful and hard to forgive.

But since a person’s reputation and life’s work hangs in the balance, we ask you to consider a few facts, and then judge for yourself.

First, please consider Nancy’s actions. As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she was mortified. She apologized immediately to her fellow trustee, and explained what she had meant to say. That person — the only one who heard Nancy’s statement and apology, and saw the look on her face once she realized what she’d said — fully accepted that she had misspoken.

Later on, Nancy learned that someone passing by had overheard her remark (but not the apology and explanation) and filed a complaint; Nancy co-operated fully and openly with the internal investigation, but this meant she was not permitted to speak to anyone about the details. As soon as the investigation concluded, Nancy wrote to the parent and to her colleagues to apologize, and then sought a meeting with the parent to explain and apologize in person.

Second, struggling with words is a symptom of a concussion. On Oct. 19, Nancy fell on the edge of a cement patio and cracked her head open. Had a worker not been there to call an ambulance, doctors said later, she might have bled to death. She needed 20 staples in her skull to close the wound. After the injury, family and friends noted that she had problems with short-term memory, adding numbers, and mixing up her words when speaking.

Like many head injury victims, Nancy was initially not convinced she had a problem. She eventually did see a head injury specialist, who confirmed she suffered a concussion and experienced the classic symptoms, exacerbated by her age (82). On doctor’s orders, she is now taking time off to heal. This is also why she has not spoken publicly in her own defence.

Third, to use a racist slur against someone would be completely inconsistent with Nancy Elgie’s values and the way she has lived her life. In her long career as an educational psychologist, a school trustee, and on many volunteer boards, Nancy has been a champion for fairness and equality. So was her late husband, Bob Elgie, whose accomplishments as a cabinet minister included greatly strengthening Ontario’s Human Rights Code, to expand protection against discrimination.

The Globe and Mail’s story about his death said: “Kind and deeply caring, Dr. Elgie couldn’t abide one trait in others: discrimination.” His wife Nancy, his confidante and close partner, shares that conviction. She has never tolerated any kind of racism in her household; and if she hears a discriminatory remark will explain to the person why it is wrong and hurtful.

When considering these recent events, there are two possibilities: the first is that Nancy’s explanation of what happened is truthful and sincere — as the person to whom she was speaking believed; the second is that our mother — a progressive educator, a pillar of her community and a voice for the respect of all people — is a closet racist, unbeknownst to anyone who has ever known her. You can decide for yourself which is more likely.

We know that in these divisive days, in which racism remains so painfully prevalent, it is difficult to give anyone the benefit of the doubt. But we also believe that any fair reading of these facts — and our mother’s life and work — will lead not just to forgiveness, but also to a better, deeper dialogue that can begin to heal the harm on the board, and in the community.

Allyson Harrison is a clinical neuropsychologist and associate professor at Queen’s University. Stewart Elgie is a professor of environmental law at the University of Ottawa.