If you’re curious about trying BDSM, it might be tempting to run out right now and spend a paycheck on leather gear. But it’s important for newbies to start with the basics. Take time to carefully explore each kink that makes up BDSM—bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism—and pencil in time to go over safety words and limits beforehand. “A lot of people have this idea that BDSM is wild and unrestricted, but there's a great deal of education and care that goes into doing BDSM properly,” says Vanessa Marin, Los Angeles-based sex therapist and creator of Finishing School: Learn How To Orgasm.

Couples who really are brand spanking new (ugh, sorry) might want to try these entry-level BDSM games suggested by Marin and Lanae St. John, a sexologist and a professor of human sexuality at City College of San Francisco.

1. To start off with, Marin suggests a simple “Yes sir/ma’am” during sex.

Not only is it super-hot, but using dirty talk to experiment with dominant and submissive roles is a low-pressure way to figure out which roles you each prefer.

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2. Have a kink-themed game night to locate non-vanilla erogenous zones on each others’ bodies.

Find a set of erotic dice that display a body part along with an action to be performed. You might roll some laughable combinations (pinch a toe?), but you might also find hot spots in places you’d never expect.

3. Use a blindfold on one partner during foreplay or sex.

It puts the blindfolded partner completely at the mercy of the seeing one, and restricting sight makes all the other sensations erotically heightened. A silk sash or men's tie can also work great here.

4. While the blindfolded partner lies down, the seeing partner runs a feather, fingernails, fur, or leather over their skin.

St. John and Marin both recommend this kind of sensory play for beginners. Take your time and really tease your partner.

5. Ramp up the intensity with temperature play.

Run an ice cube over their stomach, give them a warm oil massage, or drip melted candle wax on their stomach. (But not the Anthro candle on your nightstand! St. John points out that you should find a candle specifically meant for this play at your local sex shop. They're usually labeled "massage candles" just FYI.)

6. If hair-pulling and spanking are already your go-tos during sex, have the spanker swap out his/her hand for a paddle or wooden kitchen spoon.

Adding some sort of accessory, even if it's not overtly sexy, can be a huge turn-on. Good luck ever looking at your kitchen the same way again!

7. Role play a scenario inspired by the power dynamic that turns you on.

Now that you’re more familiar with what you both like, apply it to a passionate scene (i.e. “stern teacher disciplining the naughty student”). If the idea of improv stresses you out, come up with a few lines beforehand to get things going.

8. Try a discipline-oriented sexting game in which the dominant partner creates a set of rules and restrictions for the submissive partner to follow.

Like what to wear to work, what to order for lunch. For each rule they break, they get a specific punishment that evening.

9. Tease each other visually with latex, leather, or pleather fetishwear.

A corset, super-tight “hobble skirt” (think Morticia Addams), high platforms—anything that makes you feel sexy. Studies have shown that feeling confident in your body is directly linked to female orgasm, says Marin. For a specifically submissive and/or gender-neutral option, try a collar.

10. Restrain the submissive partner’s wrists with a tie, allowing the partner on top to fully take charge.

When tying the restraints, Marin cautions to make sure to keep two fingers' worth of space between the restraint and the skin to avoid nerve damage. Eventually, you can graduate to four-point restraints (both wrists and ankles) and/or bondage handcuffs.

11. Don’t forget aftercare!

After a powerful game, the submissive partner can sometimes experience a steep endorphin crash, and the dominant partner’s role in this phase is to give them lots of TLC. Take a moment to cuddle and decompress. This is also the time to check in with each other and discuss the experience. What did you enjoy the most? Did anything surprise you? What would you want to experiment further and try for next time? Good BDSM play puts just as much emphasis on communication before, during, and after sex.

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