JESUS. CHRIST. ON. A. BICYCLE…

What did I just watch…?! I think I need an instant replay.

Together Forever

Alright…just let me ease into this…

This episode begins innocuously enough. Steven laments at how little time he has to spend with Connie. She takes meager fifteen-minute study breaks just to talk to him over the phone. He also comes to terms with the fact she’ll soon be attending college at a university far away from Beach City (even though he has a portal belching lion who can cross the distance in a split second). Pretty standard for this arc so far…He tries to ask Garnet for advice, but she defuses into Ruby and Sapphire to teach separate classes, and he must consult them each individually…

Alright, I like this…They as individual characters still feel like a presence in the show, and it’s been a while since Steven has had some one-on-one time with Ruby. But then… … …get this…she gives him the GREAT idea…to PROPOSE to Connie… … …

This episode operates on the notion that Garnet, Ruby, and Sapphire are each individual beings. Despite Garnet being a fusion of the two of them, she would still have given Steven different advice than Ruby or Sapphire would have individually. Its basically “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts” kind of situation…which I’m not buying, at least not all the way. Garnet is the literal manifestation of their relationship. At least some part of her, Sapphire if not Ruby, should have understood why this was a bad idea. After all, what happened to all that dreck Garnet spewed at Jamie the Mailman about relationships needing time and work?!

This show has preached enough about healthy relationships for Steven to have known better than this. Even now he’s considerate enough to think of other people’s time, so how did he get the idea that marrying Connie and perma-fusing into Stevonnie wouldn’t derail her plans for college? Granted, this may just have been the trauma conga line and resurgent Pink Diamond talking. Maybe Steven really is just this out of touch with human social cues from his time with the Gems. But…just…REALLY?! This has to be one of the most monumentally stupid things Steven has done or tried to do, somewhere alongside wrecking the tea-cups at Funland, sinking the Lunar Sea-spire, blabbing to Peridot about Earth, and giving himself up to the Diamonds.

It makes no more sense out-of-universe. How did the writers think we’d buy him doing this? We didn’t see Connie so much as peck Steven on the cheek until the MOVIE and now Steven’s hearing wedding bells? I thought they’d have at least shown their relationship working up to this point, maybe a few short scenes of them dating, going to movies or at least studying together. Cram school can’t have her THAT strapped for time, can it? It could have been all of these things in a montage. It could all have been hinted at taking place off-screen for all I care! This is not how you sail a ship! (see the previous gif of the Titanic)

When the ax finally came down, I couldn’t bear to watch. The scene would’ve been so cute and beautifully done had I not known the way it would end. Thankfully, Connie let him down gently, gracefully even. It’s not an outright rejection. Connie doesn’t say “no”, just “not now”. Steven, meanwhile, turned the cheek long enough to say farewell before entering the depressed, cake-binging phase of rejection. Frankly, I don’t disagree when he blames Garnet for the whole debacle. Her excuse was that she saw Steven proposing in each and every future she foresaw…which, again, I’m not buying. Even if he had, she could have steered him differently. It’s long been established that her future vision isn’t fate. If it was that down to the wire, she could have at least granted Steven her future vision as she’d done in TWO previous episodes and let him decide for himself.

I just…can’t…even… … …

Overall: 5/10

Growing Pains

Alright, deep breaths…The worst is over. Now we deal with the aftershocks. Steven does what he should’ve done a long time ago and sees a doctor. Frankly, this should have happened as soon as the gems saw his surges of glowing Pink energy, which they’ve all seen first-hand by this point. I can’t imagine why they weren’t worried before, but perhaps they simply saw Steven manifesting new powers as par for the course by now. As for Greg, in his defense, Steven’s healing powers probably saw him through most of the way, and it’s not like he could afford a doctor.

Connie’s mother, Doctor Maheshwaran examines Steven and comes to the conclusion that after a childhood of trauma, Steven’s half-gem body has become hypersensitive to external stimuli and is reacting erratically to his emotional upsets. Being reminded of his recent fiasco with Connie only serves to demonstrate her point as his body grows and distorts into gigantic proportions. Eventually, his father, Greg, arrives on the scene to talk him down and restore his faith.

We get another cozy scene of father-son bonding, which I think we could all use at this point. However, their conversation ultimately seemed to be another recapitulation of the “don’t clam up your emotions” lesson we’ve rehashed several times. It’s not that I don’t appreciate Steven’s arc in this series. I think he’s truly needed to do some soul searching after everything he’s endured. I just think we could have hit all the meaningful notes in this narrative in fewer episodes, not even counting the filler.

While Steven himself may be grasping for problems to resolve, the show still has narrative wrinkles to smooth out before the series ends forever. We need to see the Diamonds earning their impromptu redemption, Pink answering for all the suffering she’s caused. Can we really tackle all of that in two more installments without it feeling like slapping a band-aid on an open wound? I guess we’ll find out…

Overall: 7/10