Name: The Great Cornish Cover-up.

Age: Far too old.

Appearance: It’s a cover-up, so it’s more about what it doesn’t look like.

And what doesn’t it look like? Cornwall.

OK … and who is behind this alleged cover-up? The BBC. Specifically, the BBC’s weather presenting team. The Met Office also stands accused.

And what exactly are they being accused of here? Of regularly obscuring Cornwall.

How are they doing that? By getting in the way of it when they present the weather.

Wait, you mean they’re literally covering it up? “They stand directly in front of western Cornwall and the Isles of Scilly,” said Malcolm Bell, the head of Visit Cornwall, who convened a meeting with senior BBC staff, including the weather presenter Carol Kirkwood, to complain.

He did not. He did. “They listened to what we had to say in the meeting, and said they would work harder to avoid blocking the region,” said Bell.

And have they? Bell says he saw a slight improvement. “They did seem to shuffle back a bit,” he said. “But, more recently, they’ve drifted forward again.”

Isn’t it Cornwall’s fault for being so far to the lower left of everywhere? You need to take this seriously.

It will be better after Brexit, when we stop getting all our weather from Europe, and presenters can move to the other side of the TV. This isn’t just about people standing in front of a map.

Isn’t it? Bell also complained about generalised “throwaway lines” used by presenters when talking about Cornwall, which failed to take into account its unique climate and reliance on tourism.

I would have thought the less tourists knew about Cornwall’s weather the better. That’s precisely the attitude we’re trying to change. Often, Cornwall is bathed in sunshine when it’s raining everywhere else.

Not when I’m there it isn’t. “Careless weather words cost money,” said Bell. So be careful.

Didn’t something like this happen to Hull? Yes. Locals complained that Hull came and went from the BBC weather map – some days it was there, some days it wasn’t.

Shouldn’t they more or less know where it is? They don’t need to bother now – the BBC relented in 2016, giving Hull a permanent spot.

Do say: “I’ll be presenting the weather from the top of your screens today, if you’re wondering what the ropes are for.”

Don’t say: “Trust me, holidaymakers, you do not want to see what is going on behind me right now.”