Every Saturday, Cracked lets someone from another website do the update for us. They get to show off their stuff to our fans, and we get to be lazy while someone else does our job for us. In the latest example of our convenient selflessness, former Cracked writer Matt Wilson of the International Society of Supervillains lays out some sure signs you're about to be swarmed by the living dead. It's as if it's almost Halloween or something. Advertisement

6 Your first instinct during a crisis is to go to your mall. Continue Reading Below Advertisement As seen in: Dawn of the Dead (original and remake), Dead Rising Why it's a sign: Imagine a horde of zombies swarming down the main street of your town. Where do you go? If the nearest military base comes to mind, you're probably OK. If you're having trouble deciding between J. Crew and Sbarro ... well, the good news is, you're going to find the rest of this article extremely informative. That's because there are two types of people in this world: those who think of malls as grossly unsafe places to seek shelter during a zombie apocalypse, where the undead masses could hide out in clothes racks and toy bins and where glass doors serve as a flimsy barrier between them and the undead hordes outside. And then there are people like you, who were put on this earth to get attacked by zombies while helping deliver a subtle anti-consumerist commentary. Continue Reading Below Advertisement

5 You've just said or done something that would make it ironic if zombies attacked. As seen in: Night of the Living Dead, Diary of the Dead Why it's a sign: Don't be fooled by their barely functioning nervous system and shambling gait, Zombies have a devastating sense of timing. And if there's one thing they appreciate more than brains, it's dramatic irony. So if you're walking through a graveyard with a woman who's scared of the undead, you should avoid putting on your most sarcastic spooky voice and saying "They're coming to get you, Barbara." For whatever reason, sarcasm sounds like a dinner bell to zombies. Continue Reading Below Advertisement

She's not reacting to your devastating sarcastic/spooky voice. Zombies are incredibly patient. You can go your whole life avoiding any zombie irony--never dressing up as a zombie on Halloween, skipping all the "dead people are dead and never coming back" parties your friends throw every Easter. No rush. Take as long as you want. Zombies aren't busy. They'll just be chilling out under a thin dusting of suspiciously loose soil. And the second you slip up and do something that would make a zombie attack the least bit ironic, like say, starring in a zombie movie, they will be on your ass with a quickness. Continue Reading Below Advertisement