How to get a big(ger) dick:

If you’re unhappy with the size of your schlong, there are options. For a more temporary fix that lasts between eight to 12 months, consider hyaluronic acid or collagen penile injections. The procedure is quick and though it can set you back a few thousand dollars, it’s a lot less expensive than other solutions because it doesn’t require anesthesia or a hospital stay.

Penile injections are particularly popular in India, where the medical tourism business has been steadily growing due to cheaper rates and fewer regulations.

There’s also plastic surgery treatments that make increases in girth and length more long-lasting. For the latter, surgeons make an incision above the base of the penis allowing them to release the connective tissue bonding it to the pubic bone, known as the penile suspensory ligament. Doing this drops the penis to a lower position and brings it forward, increasing the length externally by one to two inches.

To create a thicker dick, surgeons typically resort to liposuction. Fat tissues from the lower abdomen or thighs are collected and injected into the shaft, increasing the circumference by another one to two inches. It’s a simpler procedure than cutting the suspensory ligament, and it offers a few benefits. There are no incision scars and the recovery time is shorter.

For both augmentation operations, doctors advise implementing a “clean underwear every day” policy for at least 14 days following the procedure. Sex is also a no-no for a few weeks, as are erections.

Get a boner and you might pop a pubic stitch.

Penile implants, similar to breast implants, involve surgery, substantial health risks, and serious recovery time. Most procedures in the U.S. involve an implant called Penuma.

Crescent-shaped and made of medical-grade silicone, it’s one of, if not the only, penile implant cleared for commercial use and cosmetic enhancement by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). Dr. James Elist, a Beverly Hills urologist, invented it in 2004 and reported having more than 1,000 patients in the first decade of its existence.

A Penuma implant costs around $15,000 and, like most penile augmentation procedures, isn’t covered by insurance. But, it’ll make your schlong both longer and wider, and comes in three sizes: large, extra-large, and extra-extra-large.

When asked why he didn’t offer implants in a broader range of sizes, Dr. Elist said “nobody wants a small.”