Osama bin Laden Death Day

Cinnamon Ginger Cookie Recipe

I hope everyone's enjoying their 4-day holiday weekend to celebrate Osama bin Laden Death Day (OBLDD). What's OBLDD you ask? It's a holiday invented by Navy Seals, and observed by boys and girls all over the world. It's the hap-happiest time of the year. In fact, in the article I wrote about OBLDD last month, I suggested we celebrate with BBQ, video games and cookies.

Here's a fun video I made about making cookies for the first-ever OBLDD:

Here's the full recipe (more or less):

1 heaping cup of flour 1 cup white sugar 1/2 tsp baking soda 1 egg 1/2 tsp baking powder 1 tbsp vanilla 1/2 cup butter, ROCK HARD 2 tsp ginger 2 tbsp cinnamon (or cayenne pepper if none is available) 2 tbsp gluten 1 Hate-filled heart

Frosting:

1 cup powdered sugar 1-2 tbsp milk

First make the frosting because it looks like jizz and it makes me want to vomit, so put that suggary bullshit into the fridge as quickly as possible so you don't ruin the recipe with your own bile. Use milk sparingly otherwise you'll have a runny mess. You're making cookies, not bukkake. Explain that to the kids while you stir the mixture until it's lumpless.

Next, put all your dry ingredients over a sifter into a mixing bowl. I don't really know why I'm explaining this because you'd have to be a pretty big moron not to assume everything gets mixed together eventually, so do it already. Some people have complained that the recipe uses too much cinnamon. If you think it's too spicy, take a break before you continue onto the next step so you can concentrate on growing some balls. Once you hit puberty, take the dough mixture and roll it out flat with a rolling pin, or your hands. I couldn't care less.

Next, use a cup to cut out some fun skull shapes. You can intersect the cheek bones with a smaller cup or shot glass. Bake at 375 degrees for 8-10 minutes. If the mixture isn't coalescing correctly, add liquid until it does. This isn't brain surgery. Figure your shit out.

Once it's finally done, you can use a pastry tube or a plastic bag with a corner removed to decorate your cookies. This recipe makes about 12 servings. While you decorate your cookies, sing songs of merriment and drink spiced rum with the kids as you reminisce the night Osama was killed. Hang decorative ornaments like pretzels wrapped in red vines, or beef jerky ornaments.

Happy Osama bin Laden Death Day!