4.5 stars



I have to start this review by sharing that when I finished the last essay of Trick Mirror, “I Thee Dread,” I literally started clapping and whisper screaming “oh my god, Jia really did that” and “ugh, queen of delivering a fatal blow to the capitalist patriarchal wedding industrial complex, we stan a self-aware icon.” Mind you, this fanboying took place while I sat alone on my couch in my apartment, where I’m typing this review right now. “I Thee Dread” serves both as an essay about ho

4.5 stars



I have to start this review by sharing that when I finished the last essay of Trick Mirror, “I Thee Dread,” I literally started clapping and whisper screaming “oh my god, Jia really did that” and “ugh, queen of delivering a fatal blow to the capitalist patriarchal wedding industrial complex, we stan a self-aware icon.” Mind you, this fanboying took place while I sat alone on my couch in my apartment, where I’m typing this review right now. “I Thee Dread” serves both as an essay about how Jia Tolentino has never wanted to get married and an analysis of weddings more broadly, their history and social function. This piece encapsulates what Tolentino accomplishes when she reaches her peak in this collection, a powerful examination of her own psyche and how it runs parallel to the forces of history and popular culture. Here’s a quote from “I Thee Dread” that I love:



“And still I wonder how much harder it would be to get straight women to accept the reality of marriage if they were not first presented with the fantasy of a wedding. I wonder if women today would so readily accept the unequal diminishment of their independence without their sense of self-importance being overinflated first. It feels like a trick, a trick that has worked and is still working, that the bride remains the image of womanhood at its most broadly celebrated – and that planning a wedding is the only period in a woman’s life where she is universally and unconditionally encouraged to conduct everything on her terms.”



Tolentino applies this sharp insight to a gamut of fascinating topics throughout Trick Mirror, including: how we construct ourselves on the internet, the constant pressure we face to optimize every aspect of our lives, rape culture in relation to her alma mater the University of Virginia, the American scammer as millennial hero, and more. Several reviewers have used the word “millennial” to describe this collection and I feel like that fits. These essays all feel timely, fresh, and almost funny in a “I’m feeling distressed about the crushing rise of student debt so here’s a meme that I’ll post on Twitter about the collapse of the climate thanks to global capitalism” kinda way. What I admire most about this collection is Tolentino’s voice. Her writing voice is confident, distinct, and captivating, yet consistently aware of its own potential shortcomings. I also appreciated her incisive feminist takes that pushed the envelope on more mainstream liberal ideologies, such as by explicitly naming whiteness and how characters of Asian ethnicity are pushed into the background, as well as how having women adopt the role of the male oppressor (e.g., serving as prison guards instead of abolishing prisons altogether) may not truly further justice.



I did feel at times that some of these essays felt like they drifted away out of her control, like they would go on these stream-of-consciousness explorations whereas I wanted a bit more focus around a central point or argument. At the same time, I applaud Tolentino for an impressive essay collection which I hope many people will read. She includes “reflections on self-delusion” in the title which I think fits very well. Once you gain an awareness of the delusions you tell yourself, you move one step closer to freeing yourself and living your life on your own terms.



I also want to end this review with one more quote from the “I Thee Dread” essay because I loved it so much (as ya’ll can probably tell). Here it is:



“The conventional vision of a women’s life, in which the wedding plays a starring role, seems to be offering an unspoken tradeoff. Here, our culture says, is an event that will center you absolutely – that will crystallize your image when you were young and gorgeous, admired and beloved, with the whole world rolling out in front of you like an endless meadow, like a plush red carpet, sparklers lighting up your irises and petals drifting through your lavish, elegant hair. In exchange, from that point forward, in the eyes of the state and everyone around you, your needs will slowly cease to exist. This is of course not the case for everyone, but for plenty of women, becoming a bride still means being flattered into submission: being prepared, through a rush of attention and a series of gender-segregated rituals – the bridal shower, the bachelorette party, and later, the baby shower – for a future in which your identity will be systematically framed as secondary to the identity of your husband and kids.”