The day after Charlie Sheen issued a “half-apology” to his former “Two and a Half Men” co-star Jon Cryer for calling him “a turncoat, a traitor and a troll,” Cryer went on “Conan” Thursday night to issue his (humorous) response.

Sheen’s words were painful to him for many reasons, Cryer began, not the least of which because – pause for dramatic effect – “the fact is, I am a troll,” the actor admitted.

“It’s not something I like to talk about; my parents don’t even know,” he went on, “although I guess they do now.”

He’s been hiding his true identity all this time because “there’s not a lot of tolerance for people like me in Hollywood,” Cryer said. “To avoid ignorance and bullying, I’ve had to hide the fact that I’m a troll. You have no idea how much time and money I’ve spent on electrolysis and hair dye and reconstructive surgery so I can look like this.”

And he’s not the only one: Paul Giamatti, Helen Mirren and even “Conan’s” Andy Richter are all really trolls, Cryer revealed.

We guess since he was already on the topic, Cryer also took the opportunity to clear up some misconceptions: trolls, apparently, do not drink the morning dew from buttercups, and also can’t be found baking cookies in trees - that's what elves do.

“For the last time, we’re the guys that dangle from little girls' backpacks and sit on the end of pencils!” an exasperated Cryer said.

The 45-year-old ended his big reveal saying that perhaps he should be grateful that Sheen outed him.

“I’m finally free,” Cryer said. “To all the other trolls still 'living under the bridge,' especially you younger trolls, I’m here to tell you, it get’s better. Not gay better, but still, sorta better.”