YOU CAN TAKE YOUR BLINDFOLD OFF NOW… THERE ARE NO SPOILERS ANYWHERE

What constitutes an excellent horror movie? Does it have to be horrifying? Terrifying? Stretch the boundaries of our own very human perception of things in some thought-provoking or unique way? Or does it just have to creep us out sufficiently, and leave us mulling over our own core beliefs and rocking in a foetal position in a cold, dark room (Not based on any real life scenario)? If these are key factors to successful horror, then Bird Box should be awful. I suppose it’s more of a thriller, but still this is not a particularly scary movie. Wind, as The Happening proved, is in no way scary. There are so many missed opportunities here for real frights and creeps, which is the really frustrating thing. Nevertheless, if you’re looking for a movie which is about as middle-of-the-road as it comes, then Bird Box is your film. It’s a relatively fine movie, with some well-handled scenes, that you’ll ultimately forget about within three days of watching it.

The story, based off an award-winning novel, focuses on Malorie (Sandra Bullock), a woman surviving in a post-apocalyptic world with her two children. Through flashback, we’re shown how society as we know it was ended by a mysterious entity which, if you look at it, makes you commit suicide. Malorie must take her children – blindfolded – down a river to safety, whilst avoiding looking the monster of the piece (which you never actually see) in the eye. Much of the narrative is told out of linear sequence, with frequent cross-cutting between the early days of the end of the world, where Malorie is cooped up with a smattering of others hiding away from impending death, and the aforementioned main narrative on the river. Now, I’ve said already that this concept had so much potential for genuinely frightening scenes, and indeed, narrative choices are made which overt from potentially more tense scenarios. Of course it’s based off a book, but honestly, I feel so many more interesting directions could have been taken for this movie. The end product is fine, but something feels slightly off.

First of all, the screenplay. Now, I mentioned the large flashback sequences, and these, in my opinion, don’t quite work: because we already have a good idea of how events will play out from the action it’s intercut with five years later on the river, the only tension is when exactly in the runtime certain things will happen to certain characters. Listen, that the tension is lost is a real shame, because some of Bird Box’s more successful scenes happen in those parts of the movie. In terms of scripting, the dialogue is fine, but I don’t feel the screenwriters maxed out the potential conflict between characters here. Because there are some really well fleshed-out characters in this. All in all, the narrative unfolds very routinely and predictably, and will ultimately leave you a little underwhelmed, purely because as you’re watching the movie, you’re patiently anticipating that truly terrifying scene… and it never comes. Sure, there are stakes throughout, but compare this with similar horror and it will stack up unfavourably. Wikipedia calls this movie a thriller, and I suppose on that level it works to a degree, but you can never truly escape the fact that most of the runtime is taken up by people fumbling around in blindfolds. And nobody is really going to be entertained by that.

Director Susanne Bier tries to bring order to proceedings, and succeeds in doing so, but ends up with a fairly forgettable product as a result. This isn’t a movie which shows me something completely new or takes any startling risks, and thus, can be enjoyed, but not as much as a genuinely startling and original genre piece like Jordan Peele’s Get Out. Admittedly, Get Out and Bird Box are very different movies, but I’ll remember the former a great while longer than Bird Box. Visually, there is some striking Cinematography, and some engaging visuals and shots throughout, but nothing blew me away. Bier has competently directed this movie, and she’s clearly a talented filmmaker, but with such by-the-numbers plot points, she can never truly get the result you can tell she’s going for (in fairness, the story is coherent, and has some interesting elements, so I apologise for my remorseless nit-picking. I’m evil. The secret’s out).

The cast in this movie is ensemble, and manages to keep proceedings afloat well. Sandra Bullock’s character is well-developed, and her performance is both charismatic and equally vulnerable. She’s a great lead, even if most of the time she’s just sternly speaking to her children who she hasn’t named. Now that’s parenting, folks. John Malkovich is also in this movie, and I feel the script could definitely have further exploited his unique viewpoint and conflict with the other characters. Overall however, that man doesn’t give a bad performance, so everyone’s happy. Trevante Rhodes also turns in a strong performance, and the child actors, are bearable (that’s a joke. I’m not really that heartless… or am I?).

Rosa Salazar, Tom Hollander, Sarah Paulson and even freakin’ BD. Wong (not crazily cobbling together Dinosaurs in this movie thankfully). The cast is strong, their chemistry formidable and the acting brilliant, but what is somewhat a disappointment is the monster itself. I get the choice to ever show it, and I understand the thinking, but rule #1 of invisible horror monsters is NEVER make it wind blowing leaves. It’s a little ridiculous. Make it a shadow or something! I kind of like the concept of it making its victims (those who see it) commit suicide, but this does grow a little cliché after a while. To me, it would be common sense to at least vary the action, and that’s only done once or twice with (the inevitable) character deaths. My word, I should make a movie!

Overall, Bird Box very much strikes the line between being quite watchable, but at the same time bizarrely forgettable. The look of the movie, as well as strong performances from the cast just about keep it afloat for me. I’m feeling generous seeing as it’s the new year, so I’ll give it a favourable grade.

VERDICT: MEH

Thank you for reading. Feel free to let me know your thoughts on Bird Box in the comments, and be sure to follow my site for loads more reviews just like this. Other than that, I bid you adieu! 🙂