Read this on my blog at: http://spidernon.home.blog/2020/04/25/sally-radfem-shoggoth-backwater-dinner/

The dinner began, and with my heart in my throat, I sat at the table in the way that a man sits when his mother and wife are about to sandbag each other.

My mother Clare, a kikimora with long floppy brown ears, sat at one end of the table. My stepfather Connor (who was Sally's father) sat at the other end. I sat on my mother's right side, across the table from my shoggoth bride Sally. A delicious meal was spread before us - pork chops, roasted Brussel sprouts, and potatoes au gratin. All were heaped in bowls or serving trays with enough food for nine people instead of four. The aroma was pleasant, and the steam and smoke rising from them made my stomach rumble.

Despite the wonderful spread, the mood was tense. My mother stared at my wife, her stepdaughter, with the same glare a coal miner would give his fursuit-wearing son. Sally was not behaving much better, looking at my mother as if at any moment she might begin hissing at her like some crazy goo-cobra.

The clock in the living room ticked mercilessly, a metronome of the awkward silence.

"This pork is very good," I said, taking a morsel into my mouth and desperate to end the painful tension. The pork was good though, so moist that I had to keep from moaning.

Sally winced as though I had stabbed her with a knife through the heart. So great was the rivalry between shoggoth and kikimora that even the slightest compliment of either caused distress to the other. I reached across the table and took her hand apologetically. She squeezed it as if giving birth.

"I'm glad you like it. No one does quite cook like Mom, eh?" my mother said with delight. She looked at Sally with a broad smile and held her other hand at the wrist.

"I'll give you the recipe, sweet," she said, patting her arm with condescension. "So my son can have something he likes when he gets home."

Sally's eye twitched, and she bowed her head. "That is very nice of you...Claire," she said through clenched teeth. "It's also nice to see that your cooking skills have improved with your new furry ears. I didn't see Daddy flapping a towel at the hallway smoke detector, not even once!"

Across the table, Connor laughed perfunctorily. He was not really paying attention, but was focused on enjoying his food as he briefly looked at his phone.

My Kikimomma smiled widely, too widely, in a baring of teeth. "You're a dear for noticing, Sally! You have changed too, and mostly for the better!"

"Thank you, Mother Claire," Sally said. She smirked a little. "Truly an excellent meal, but I hope everyone saves some room for dessert - I made some peanut butter crumbles," she said.

"Ah!" Connor said, clapping hands. "I LOVE peanut butter crumble."

"I KNOW, Daddy!" Sally said. "Anon loves it, too! And have as much as you want - there's plenty!"

"Boy was I surprised when you showed up with a dessert...unannounced. You know, it's funny, but I made a dessert," My mother said, suppressing a Khornate level rage. "A very, very nice red velvet two layer cake."

"Well I bet it's wonderful," Sally said in a tone so patronizing I thought my mother was going to leap across the table. "I'll be sure to have a slice. Just a sliver, though - I find it's far too rich."

"Yes, yes. We must maintain our figure, mustn't we?" My mother said. She looked up and down my Shoggoth wife. "Or at least, try."

Sally laughed. "Oh that's VERY easy for me now," she said with a smile. She thickened and thinned her arm like turning a light switch.

"Yes, isn't that great? Being made of goo..."

"...protoplasm..." Sally corrected.

"Yes, sorry. Being made of protoplasm, maintaining your figure is as easy as thinking to you now. No need to race to the bathroom and hurl your guts out like Junior year! And you also don't have to worry about...Freshness...down there, anymore, right?"

Sally's eyes shifted, and her bluish skin turned purple as she blushed.

"Now Mom..." I began.

"I mean, it's not a big deal, it happens to lots of women," My mother said. "Not me, of course, but as a Shoggoth that must not happen at all anymore, right? No more tearful calls from the school, eh?"

My fork clanked against the plate. Shoggoth and Kikimora stared back and forth at each other, and I felt a bead of sweat form on my temple. The loudest noise was the clock in the living room, its steady tick sounding like the countdown from the Masque of the Red Death.

Sally's father Connor, the happy idiot that he was, was mercifully clueless of the polite cold war being waged before him. He smiled as he scooped the last bit of food from his plate to his mouth.

"That pork is great, and these potatoes are great too! I'm gonna have some more..." He said. He started to stand as he reached across the table for the potatoes au gratin.

"I'll get that, Father," Sally said, standing up and getting the bowl.

"NO! I'LL DO IT!" my mother shouted. She frantically tried to round the table before a guest did serving work in her house. But my mother was too late. Sally had already stood, formed her hand into a spoon, and scooped up cheesy potatoes into her utensil-arm.

My mother looked on with mouth agape as potato au gratin slid, slurping, from the curved shog-spoon into my father-in-law's plate. She fell to her knees, arms upraised, with a loud howl skyward.

Connor was finally roused from somnolence by this. "Hun, what are you doing?" he asked, his brow furrowed in confusion.

My mother realized how she looked, and quickly darted into her chair. "I was just...acting out the cover of platoon," she said.

"I love that movie. Boy is that Charlie Sheen crazy, though!" Connor said. (Connor's spirit animal is Slowpoke, I should mention.)

I envied Connor. Not for any Oedipal reason, but because he lived so simply. In the Valley of the Sighted, the Blind Man Enjoys His Potatoes Au Gratin. He chewed away happily while the rest of us frog-marched through hell.

"It's so good!" Connor exclaimed. He was 100% correct in that, as my mother had become an excellent cook. I took the opportunity to very, very closely study the tablecloth. I'll spare you my findings, except to say the red periwinkles were two inches apart.

As Connor ate, there were many veiled remarks about who was or wasn't cleaner, and I watched Connor's plate empty with the same eagerness that Catholics watch that smokestack in the Vatican. Mercifully he finished, and we settled into dessert. Dessert was a diplomatic act of taking peanut butter crumble and red velvet cake in proportions that both a shoggoth and kikimora would agree were equal (spoiler: there wasn't one). Both dishes were absolutely wonderful, but I did favor the peanut butter crumble. Then again when you get to lick the tits of the baker, you will always enjoy her food more.

We all ate, and I almost would have considered it a pleasant visit, until we heard a distant buzzer upstairs.

"Laundry, at this hour?" Sally asked, recognizing the sound as she pushed away her sliver of mostly uneaten red velvet cake. "I do hope it's nothing serious..."

"Thank you for your concern, but no. I saw that you had changed out the sheets on the guest bed," my mother said. She added flatly. "...within ten minutes of arriving here."

"Oh, Anon needs a high thread count or he sleeps terribly," Sally said.

"I do?" I asked.

Sally laughed. "Of course, silly!" She took my hand, and looked to my mother. "I hope you don't mind, because I must always put his needs first," Sally continued. "So I put my sheets on there."

"Oh I totally understand. But it's funny, because I made all the sheets in this house with cotton from the Royal Weresheep of Tcharkanith herself. They are 10,000 thread count. I used a microscope and tweezers to sew them."

"And that's quite good, in so far as it goes," Sally said. "But that pales in quality to shoggoth sheets. The strands are on the cellular level. Your son deserves the very best, doesn't he?"

My mother took my other hand and smiled. "He does indeed. The very, very best. "

"I'm glad you understand," Sally said. "I do admit it was a bit forward of me to change your sheets, but at least yours are getting a good

washing..."

"Oh...I'm not washing those sheets..." my mother said with a smile. "I put mine back on the guest bed."

Sally's eyes searched as she made a conscious effort to find her sheets among the sensory information if thousands of objects. Finally, her eyes widened to saucers.

"I just thought your sheets looked a tad dirty," My mother said. She laughed. "But then, I guess that's just how they look when they are made of shoggoth, and not real."

"Now, Mom, Sally does a good job..."I said, patting Sally's hand. Sally was tremendously sensitive of when she didn't mold things exactly right.

"Oh absolutely. Only a trained, real maid could tell that it is a knock-off of the real stuff."

"Mom..." I said.

"I'm just trying to help," my mother replied.

"Yes, thank you, Mother Claire," Sally said in a cloyingly gracious voice. "It is so good of you to want to clean what was already utterly antibacterial. Why the process of washing and drying me in a metal drum full of dirty clothes didn't contaminate me at all!" Sally stood, and dabbed her napkin at the corners of her mouth like a lady. "If you'll excuse me, I'll go check up on my sheets."

My mother hummed to herself very happily as Connor told me in great detail all about his new lawn mower. Connor is a nice man, and he makes my Mom happy, and I remember these things as he talks endlessly about his lawn mower. He used to talk about fixing his old one, but now he talks about keeping his new on working. Sally walked back into the room with a smirk, and her hand shaped into a long, fluffy stick.

"What is that?" My mother asked, eyes narrowed.

"Oh. They call it a feather duster. People use them to dust," Sally explained.

"I know what a feather duster is," my mother snapped.

"Well, I thought maybe you weren't familiar...I noticed a few little dust bunnies on the corner of one of the bookshelves..."

My mother laughed and slapped her leg, hard enough to make Connor and I jump. "That is the FUNNIEST thing I've ever heard, my dear stepdaughter. The eyes on your tentacles must be playing tricks on you..."

"Oh, no, Mother Claire. So many Dust Bunnies you'd think it was Dust Easter! It's alright though; I don't judge," she said in the most judgmental tone I've ever heard.

My mother smiled from ear to ear with eyes that gleamed with violence "Well, you have no business judging anything, you..."

"Enough!" I shouted, standing up. "I can't take anymore of this!"

"Why honey, whatever do you..." Sally began.

"Don't pretend; it's obvious what you -BOTH OF YOU- are doing."

"I have an idea!" Connor said quickly. "Let's play non-ethnic family. The rules of non-ethnic family are that we all shut the hell up about our feelings and instead talk about vapid current events. The person who is the best at it, wins."

"Is that healthy?" I asked, seeing the appeal.

"I don't care," he said with a smile and absolute dread in his eyes. He stared at the two willful waifus. "Can we do that?"

They looked to each other. The enmity between shoggoth and kikimora was great, but both of them loved Connor, and nobody wanted to distress him. "Okay," they both said at nearly the same time.

"I know! We can discuss this funny story..." Connor said. He went in the other room briefly and came back with a newspaper. I noticed it had teeth marks in it, and for a moment I caught a vision of a morning ritual between my mother and Connor that filled me with horror.

Connor flipped the paper and slapped it when he found the article. "There it is. There's some wacko who menaced an Oni Biker Bar out in Saxon City," Connor said. "Some place called Bad Marge's."

"Wait, I know that place," I said, remembering when Sally and I made an abortive attempt to eat there during our road trip. It was not a place we stayed in for long, as the moment we entered hostile Oni and their biker squeezes began shooting us angry glares. "That place is tough. Who is this man, Doom Guy?"

"Far from it. I guess he's a mega spazz. He ran in the woman's room nude and then started flinging feces at the police. A riot broke out," Connor said.

Sally shuddered. "There's such sick, sick people out there. Those poor Oni..." she said. "That's the kind of guy who belongs in a nuthouse."

"Probably will try to hang himself with his underwear," I said.

We talked of this enigmatic Pervert from Saxon City, which led to stories of what had happened on the Day of the Rape. I told our story -leaving out all the lewd aspects, and Connor began to tell the tale.

"Not much to it," He began. "I was downstairs in the basement posting about Q on PigKun when I heard something break in the kitchen. I went upstairs and I saw your mother on her hands and knees, frantically cleaning up a broken dish," Connor said. "When I helped her up she already had those dog ears, and the tail and the feathers. We, ah...we did a thorough check of her to see what had changed."

"Daddy, no offense, but ew," Sally said.

"And I did a very thorough check to make sure he hadn't changed at all," my mother said. They both smiled at each other.

We next talked about who various people had monsterized into for a little bit. The moat entertaining thing is always who Alped. The table was cleared, with considerable political maneuvering to get Sally allowed to help in the effort.

Despite their racial discord, a shoggoth and kikimora work together rapidly, and everything was cleaned quickly. With the table cleared and dishes done, Sally and Connor went in the Living Room and started watching an episode of Hogan's Heroes. That was their thing: they had bonded over the show when they were first on their own together, and it was a thing they always did, even when Sally had been a nutty Radfem. I looked at her, curled on her Daddy's arm, as they both were bathed in the blue light of the wide screen TV.

The episode was the one where Hogan and Neukirk set up a seedy porn distribution to blackmail German officers. A subplot involved them convincing Clink that Major Hochstetter had gassed LeBeau. At the climax, Schultz cradles a piece of soap and laments that it'll never make him strudel again.

While they watched, my mother and I were in the dining room, seated at the table. We hadn't spoken much since the Day of the Rape, aside from making sure that everything and everyone was okay. I felt a little guilty about that, but now I was able to speak to her and make amends. We talked back and forth a bit about little things, but it wasn't long before the inevitable subject of Sally came up.

"Are you...are you happy, son?" My mother asked, looking worried.

I frowned, surprised by her concern. "Well...yeah! Sally is a great girl, and she spoils me. Are you enjoying the, um, Change?"

She looked at me wide-eyed. "Oh! Yes, yes absolutely..." she said. She looked pensive.

"Mom, what is it?" I asked. "You look like you have something you want to say."

"It's about Sally. She just had that radfem streak, and now she's so much stronger than you. I'm worried she may rise up against you. They do that, you know: shoggoths revolt."

I was aware it was part of Lovecraft's lore (along with lots of scary details) but I said nothing. “Who told you that?" I asked.

"The girls on KikiTok," she replied.

"Well don't believe shit on the internet, unless it comes from a man with a smug anime girl avatar," I said, sagely.

"Oh, I know. But she doesn't...she doesn't use tentacles on you, does she?" My mother asked.

I shifted uncomfortably, remembering the "slither job" I got on the drive over. "W-why no, Mother, never," I lied.

I have never been good at lying to my mother, and her face twisted in horror.

"Oh, God, she does!" She said, tugging on her ears. "My little baby, abused by that Cosmic Horror man-hater!"

"It's not abuse, and she doesn't hate men anymore, Mom. Trust me," I said.

"Is she making you say that? Does she have a tentacle in your ear, like that scorpion-thing from Wrath of Khan?" She asked.

"What?" I asked.

She seized me. "Let me see your ears..." she began.

"Mom, she can't put a tentacle in my ear to make me her thrall," I said, breaking free gently. I was reasonably sure she couldn't, anyways. "Quite the opposite. I can command her to do...well, let's just say I have a lot of power. I'm afraid of how much power I have."

"Afraid?" My mother asked.

"Well...Sally will do ANYTHING if I command it. I'm so afraid I could hurt her. I don't want to do that, ever."

"Maybe you should talk to Connor. He knows JUST what to do," she said. "That man...that man was born to command."

I shrank away. "Mom, don't..."

"I know you think he's a bit like that SlowJoe from your Pokeball game, but holy shit can that man run a bedroom. I mean, I'm a monstergirl, right? So we can basically get pounded like a blacksmith's anvil, but holy shit, there are some nights that he has me crying out for mercy..."

"Sweet Jesus, I'm begging you Mom: stop!" I shouted.

"I'm just saying that you shouldn't be afraid to ask him for some pointers. Like if I yell tippie-toe, he needs to pull out of my..."

"Mom! I've got that stuff covered!" I shouted, coiling in on myself like a dying insect. "It's bad enough you aren't a chaste unicorn."

She blinked. "Don't you like Connor?" She asked.

"Mom, I could love him with all my heart, and I still wouldn't like hearing that you have a safe word for when he's thrusting too hard," I said.

"Don't make it sound so sordid. He's never cruel to me, not even close. And we're both adults..." my mother began.

"Well, so are Sally and I," I responded. "She isn't some dominant shoggoth or anything. God, I can't imagine what that would be like..."

"She'd make you wear a cone, for sure," my mother said authoritatively.

"She...what?" I asked. "What does...look, Sally and I are a healthy, loving couple."

"Well good. You do seem happy. Even if she is one of...them..."

"What is up with that?" I asked. "Can you stop going to those websites? They're not telling you good things."

"It isn't just KikiTok," she said. "Everything since The Change has been so positive, but I just have the strong, strong urge to denigrate her housekeeping abilities. It is...I mean, she's slime! Slime is dirty!"

"She's protoplasm. And she is so, so clean..."

My mother tilted her head back. "Hah!" She laughed harshly. "Impossible! I remember what a mess she used to make."

"That was before The Change," I said.

"Maybe so, but I haven't seen any improvement. She just makes shit. Doesn't clean, just absorbs the dirty and reforges it clean. "

"That isn't remotely true," I said. "She washes herself, and she washes anything not made from her, and quite a few things which are. She's my wife, and your husband's daughter."

"I know, sweetie..." my mother said. "But it isn't like we got along well before The Change, what with her lectures about why shaving my armpits made me a bourgeois pig."

"She doesn't talk that way anymore," I said.

"True, but now she puts her sheets on my guest bed and dusts my house and makes a peanut butter crumble," my mother said. "Oh, and uses tentacles on my son. If she had monsterized into ANYTHING else, this would be so, so much easier."

Hogan's Heroes ended, and it was getting late. Sally and I retired to the guest bedroom, which was covered again in Shoggoth sheets. I will admit my wife-sheets are very nice, but then they like to massage and tickle me at various points through the night, and that is amazing. Once they even gave me a sheetjob, and I came in goo-fabric

smoother than silk.

Sally kept a laptop with her for handling calls to her friends, insisting it was cheaper than a phone. As we entered the room her protoplasm started to buzz, and her laptop rose to her surface. Sally had gotten a video call from her friend Gretchen. Gretchen was one of the last of Sally's RadFem friends to still be single. She had been a rather militant person, very angry, and she had monsterized into a very endowed Pig Orc. She was a sweet gal now, though very aggressive, and...well...about as smart as she had been before she had monsterized, to be diplomatic.

The guest room had a full bathroom attached to it, and I went to go take a shower while my Shoggoth talked to her friend. As the water hit me I could hear Sally laughing. It must be more stories about Janet the Wurm. Janet was the absolute sweetest person in the universe, but heaven help her she was dumber than a Reylo tweet. She had finally snagged her Prince Charming, a gentleman she had caught by means of a pit trap. The poor man was a nuclear physicist, but be would have to live down being outsmarted by a Wurm his whole life. The stories of their misadventures were so funny they brought tears to the eyes.

I exited the shower and toweled off, staying out of sight of the camera on my wife's laptop.

"Well, enough about Janet. How are you, Gretchen? How's the Patriarchy-smashing going?" Sally asked.

"Well, that's why I'm calling...I'm smashing it!" Gretchen said with an excited squeal.

Sally grinned. "You mean..."

"You know that cute Fascist I was telling you about? The one who totally needs to get smashed?"

"Paul??" Sally asked. "You finally bagged him?"

I frowned. I knew Paul from work. He was in the Knights of Columbus. About the only thing 'fascist' about him was his insistence the breakroom refrigerator be kept organized by name.

"I stormed his Imperialist hall with the rest of my WAAAGH! A few days ago. I've got him bound up in my bedroom. I've been feeding him 'bacon' for days...he's begging for it right now!"

"Well don't...don't DENY him!" Sally said, concerned. Smashing the patriarchy did NOT involve chastity play, not even a little.

"Oh...no, no, not at all!" Gretchen replied hurriedly. "He needs to rest. We've been going for forty eight hours. Remember the Surgeon General's warning - give a man six hours every two days."

I briefly walked into view, the towel around my waist, as I went to the bureau to get some clothes (Sally had unpacked our things).

"Hi Anon!" Gretchen said, waving.

"Hello..." I replied, making sure I was out of sight as I put on underwear and pajamas.

"Well, I'll let you guys go," Gretchen said. "I see you are turning in. I'm going to go snuggle up to Paul and let him lick the sweat off my neck. Toodles!"

"Bye Gretchen!" Sally called out.

"So that little piggy has gotten her Roast Beef?" I asked.

"Oh yes," Sally said with a laugh. "That's the last of my friends from the before days. Crazy how we all won, and the Patriarchy has fallen."

I smirked, and she did too. It was a fun thing to pretend.

"You okay, hun?" I asked.

Sally sighed. "I just don't know what it is," she said. "I want to like your mom, but I just am so scared of her. I feel like I don't measure up. And then there's the whole weird wolf-thing..."

"It's a rivalry, it goes back centuries," I said. "Because both mamono are maids and service their masters."

"They're inferior to us," Sally said.

I recoiled. "Sally!"

"I'm sorry, but it's true. I can make a broom. She has to buy one. I can unclog a pipe by myself. I am more capable."

"If you are all so superior, why dislike them?" I asked. "Could it be that the old school frightens you? After all, what is more wholesome than the old school? It has a charm that men like..."

"Whose side are you on?" She snapped. Her face softened. "Sorry...Master. I guess that's it. Kiki's are primitive, but they are effective, and in a rustic way that warms a man's heart. It's sickening."

"I want you two to get along," I said.

"We all do. But I monsterized into a shoggoth and she monsterized into a kikimora That means even our souls clash, doesn't it?" She asked, sadly. "What if we are just meant to be rivals by our natures, regardless of the shoggoth kikimora stuff?"

I didn't know what to say.

We lay in bed together for a moment, staring at the ceiling, which was one of those dumb bumpy ceilings that are a bitch to deal with. As she thought this last statement might have upset me, she begged me to let her give me a blowjob. This was a great sacrifice on my part, but I conceded it would make me feel better. She did not need to be told twice, and dove beneath the covers at my pajama pants with tremendous eagerness. She liked to form two heads and alternate back and forth between them, having one suck while the other attended to my balls and vice versa. The problem with this is that Sally began to get jealous of her second formed head, and her second formed head became jealous of her (something about how she experiences consciousness makes her feel distinct from herself in this case), and they'd eventually start fighting. I'd have to soothe her and assure her in both heads.

Eventually I decided delineation of roles was the only solution. I decreed that the real head would focus on my shaft and formed head would focus on my balls. This seemed to bring peace. And best of all, my wife would blow me and slurp on my balls at the same time. Shit is SO cash.

Now she settled in, and two divine faces of Sallies stared up at me, yellow eyes looking up and sparkling with adoration, as one Sally munched my balls and the other licked my shaft. I could only moan, incapable of looking away from those eyes as my girl gave absolute love to my genitals.

When I came, she rested her lips just over my glans, and her eyes lit up with each pulse as her tongue flicked the tip of my cock head. I felt the liquid leaving my balls and I could not keep from crying out at the top of my lungs. When I had finished shuddering out my intense orgasm, she let out a satisfied moan and showed me her tongue, covered in my copious, copious goo. She then shut her mouth and opened it to show her clean mouth.

"What a good girl you are," I said, panting, as I put a hand to the swallowing face's cheek.

She laughed, and rose up to me. Her formed head began to kiss me as her main head nuzzled into my chest. I wrestled with the tongues in her mouth, tasting her spit eagerly.

After my thorough draining, we cuddled together and fell asleep in each other's arms. The next morning we got up and showered (and I got another blowjob).

We came downstairs and Sally went to go call Gretchen - apparently the girl had grown worried when Paul had said he was Catholic, and she thought that meant he couldn't eat pork and would therefore not be allowed into Catholic Heaven when he died. Sally was going to explain why there wasn't a problem with this on multiple levels.

I entered the kitchen with a yawn. Connor was reading the paper.

"Morning honey!" My mother said, rushing around the kitchen getting plates, pouring orange juice, and making coffee. "I'm making breakfast. You still like cinnamon toast?"

I nodded, although Sally took special pride in making my breakfast. "I do, but maybe Sally should make-"

"NONSENSE. I'll make you some!" My mother said. Before I could say anything else, toast was in the toaster. I shrugged. I'm sure this would be fine.

"Hey Anon," Connor said as I sat at the table. "Sleep well?"

I nodded. "It was restful," I said with a smile as I thought of last night. What's the good word? Anything new?"

"Just stories about how that Tcharkanith woman is going to be singing with Jace Turner at Madison Square Garden," Connor said. "It's all anybody's talking about, since most every other problem has been solved by mamono. Now it's all Tcharkanith and Jace, 24/7."

"That confuses me. Isn't Jace Turner gay?" I asked.

"You don't actually know that. He seems like a nice young man to me," my mother said, as this is what a mom says about everyone. She ripped open a sugar packet and poured it into my stepfather's coffee, then brought it to him swiftly.

"In any case, they really want everyone tuned in to watch this," Connor said, taking the cup as it landed on the table. "Something about maximizing mana production, I dunno. That Betrothed Across Time and Space song is a damned ear worm, I'll say that. I'll be glad when all this is over."

The toaster dinged, and with a few loud scrapes and a shaking of a small glass bottle, my kikimomma had deftly created delicious strips of cinnamon toast. I worried about this, knowing how important the making of my cinnamon toast was to my waifu, but my stomach rumbled. There was no telling how long she would be on the phone. Surely Sally would be okay with my mommy making me breakfast, right?

It was not long before I got my answer. Sally entered the room with an eye roll and a grin, ready to tell me about Gretchen's latest wackiness. When she saw me sitting at the table with a plate of cinnamon toast, her smile melted away. Her complexion turned translucent.

"What is this?" She asked, her eyes black as the void where nightmares lurk between stars.

"Anon was hungry," my mother said, unintimidated. "I made him breakfast."

Sally stared forward, her teeth clenched, as my kikimomma went in front of her. She knew what she was doing. They both did.

"You flirt with death, wolf woman," Sally said.

"Sally!" Connor called out in alarm, folding his newspaper and dropping it on the table.

"It always comes to violence with you nightmares, doesn't it?" My mother asked.

"You have NO right..." Sally said.

"You little twerp, how dare you! I have ALWAYS given Anon his cinnamon toast..." Mom said. She clenched her teeth. "Since he was three."

"Well I do it NOW, and I do it BETTER." Sally said. "He is MY Master! Daddy is YOUR Master. You can't just have two Masters, that-that would violate Scripture!"

"I-it's just cinnamon toast..." I said quietly. It was not the right thing to say. They both stared at me as if I had said I had eaten human flesh.

"Now you've done it. You've made him HATE cinnamon toast," my mother said.

"I don't hate-" I began.

"It's your fault! You did this!" Sally said. "It's my duty as his waifu to make his treasured cinnamon toast! You have violated the Great Convention. The Guild shall hear of this!"

"...the Guild?" I asked.

"And I shall lodge a counter-claim!" My mother shouted. "I'll see you in the Landsraad!"

"Of course you realize, this means war!" Sally shouted.

"Stop it, please!" I exclaimed, standing. "You can't take this to vague institutions from Dune. We're family. You two shouldn't hate each other!"

"I don't hate Sally..." My mother said, as if she was reluctantly conceding it. "I just know that she WAS a man-hating radical feminist..." she paused and tilted her nose upward. "...and now she's a bad housekeeper."

"A bad housekeeper?! Me?!" Sally raged. "And I suppose that errant sock at the bottom of the upstairs hamper is for a visitor with diabetes? Where's its mate, Claire? Where is it?"

"You looked in my hamper?!" My mother said with pure outrage. "How dare you-"

"Get off your high horse. Don't think I didn't see you rifle through our luggage and click your tongue at how I packed!"

"That's ridiculous..." my mother said, twirling her ear as her eyes shifted.

"I AM the luggage, Claire! I saw it!" Sally shouted. "And incidentally, I did not appreciate the eyepoke."

"It startled me! Who thinks a luggage handle will blink at them? Who the hell puts eyeballs on their luggage?"

"Clearly I should have had some on the sheets, too," Sally snapped.

"The sheets you changed? How rude can you be?!" My mother asked.

"Better than nosing through luggage!"

"Fine, I looked, and I was appalled by what I saw!" My mother shouted. "You put underwear with the toothbrushes?!"

"I packed alphabetically, and don't make it sound so grotesque. The toothbrushes are in packages..." Sally said defiantly.

"Packages made of you, no doubt," my mother said with folded arms.

"So what? My packaging is hermetically sealed with my antibodies! You should get on your knees and BEG to have your toothbrushes in a me-package! They are cleaner than your toothbrushes, by far."

"Ohhhh no they're not," my mother said, putting hands on her hips.

"Ohhhh yes they are..." Sally replied, putting her hands on her hips as well (and tentacles on tentacles).

"Ohhhhh no they're not..." my mother said again, inching closer with her ears flat. Wolf and slime girl were almost nose to nose. Fists were being balled.

"Alright, that's it." I said. "I hate to do this, but it has gone on far enough. You both are supposed to listen to us, right? We're your masters, right?"

Their faces shot glares at me with fury. Under the withering gaze of two pairs of Evil Eyes, I almost lost my nerve and ran the fuck out of the room. The 'Master' card wasn't something you could just break out on a whim. I mean, you could, but you were likely to have terrible repercussions. The singing of slave tunes, the slowing down of productivity. In this case, it was time to risk the cold, cold indignance of the waifu and mommy.

"Well, your fighting is distressing us, your Masters," I said. "I love you Mom, but I married Sally. I love her more than anyone else. It isn't your job to protect me from her. And Sally, my Mother is the person I love the second most in the world. When you make her sad, it hurts me. And it hurts Connor too."

There was a sniffle. No one had noticed, but Connor's eyes had welled up. Watching his wife and daughter almost come to blows was very saddening for the old boomer. He cleared his throat and blinked his eyes, being of that generation that had no time for male emotion (which is a good idea, btw).

"Oh God, Daddy!" Sally shouted.

"Connor!" My mother said.

They both ran to him and gave him big hugs, sobbing. A tentacle gripped me and pulled me into the group hug.

The hug turned out to be a good idea, and emotions flowed. Mostly they flowed from waifus to masters and back, but that is okay.

"Maybe you should each try saying one nice thing about each other," Connor said, sniffling. "You know, to get past this whole wolf and slime enemy thing."

"I'll go first," my Sally said. She took a deep breath and looked my mommy in the eyes. "Claire...you are the best Mom I know. You and Anon are so close, and I want that with my children. I'm hoping that I'm half the mommy that you are."

My mom smiled. "That's so sweet..." she said, putting a hand to Sally's face. "Sally, when you finally become a Mom, don't you worry, you'll be great. What I admire about you is how you are so good to Anon and to your Daddy. That's how I know when you have a baby, you'll be great. I'm sorry I said you were a bad housekeeper. You're a damn good one. Those sheet are so damned soft."

"Thanks Clare. And the dust bunny thing...I had to search the whole house and I found one. I'm sorry I've been so beastly to you."

"'I've been just as beastly. It isn't all our fault; it's some shit that came with the monsterization. It's the one negative of all this. These damn new hormones."

"Well..." Sally began. "In my case it's doubly true. I've been awful emotional lately, but then..." she took a deep breath, and looked to me. "I have very, very big news."

I smiled, stupidly. "What?" I asked.

Her eyes began welling with happy tears. It started to hit me. "You are going to be a Daddy!" She exclaimed.

I let out a loud shout of shock and joy. I took her in my arms, and she melted into them. We kissed.

"Congratulations!" Connor said, hugging us both. "I'm going to be a grandpa!"

Connor slapped me on the shoulder and began laughing. "Cherish every moment, you two. Raising a kid is the best thing I ever did...Claire, you're going to be a grandma!"

My mother smiled, but she was oddly quiet.

"Mom? You are okay with being a grandma, right?" I asked.

"More than okay, it's wonderful," she said calmly. She took a deep breath. "I guess there's no point in keeping this quiet, either..." she said.

We all looked at her with wide eyes. "...Mom?" I asked.

"...Claire??" Connor asked.

She nodded at him. "Yes, darling. I guess the Change, um, UNchanged a few things - you are going to be a Daddy again, too!"

Connor turned sheet white. The thought of spending his golden years changing diapers flashed before him. But then he smiled, and laughed, as other future memories came to him as well. Sally began jumping up and down in excitement.

The two expectant mommies embraced and began babbling about names and little booties. The fighting of a few minutes earlier was long forgotten, as discussing little shoes for baby feet is too powerful an instinct for mamono to resist, even rivals as strong as shoggoths and kikimora. It didn't even particularly matter to them that they had a 25% chance of neither child needing baby shoes. Baby shoes were all that mattered.

Everyone was very happy, and we all had some pregnancy-safe drinks. For a Shoggoth, that is anything short of Drano, though Sally drank grape juice to be polite. Connor, I noticed, put a pretty healthy slug of vodka in his, and he obliged me as well.

We spent the day outside on our porch, watching the world. Men and mamono frolicked in the fields behind us. The day was perfect, and warm.

Around noon everyone decided to go inside and take some naps. This midday excuse to go fuck had become quite common by now. I had eagerly waited for this, as what I most wanted to do was play around with my waifu's pregnant body a bit.

When we got in the bedroom, Sally went through the motions as if we were going to sleep. Of course I could tell by her sideways glances that she was waiting to be told what to do. I was quite fine with that.

"Get on the bed," I said quietly. "On all fours."

Sally stated at me a moment with a smile, then slowly complied, hiking up her maid outfit slowly and showing me her nice little blue ass as it wiggled. Tentacles twirled like dancers in anticipation. "I obey, Master," she said.

I love being called Master. It might be wrong, but goddamn does it feel good.

I pulled her thin underwear down to where her legs melded into protoplasmic foot-organ. I stopped a moment to run my hands along her smooth blue legs and thighs, then I gripped her firm ass cheeks and spread them, looking at her holes. Her pussy was sopping wet, and I slapped her ass and squeezed it in my fingers. She let out an orgasmic cry, and she reached out to finger her clit. I pushed her hand away.

"Being naughty, I see," I said with mock disapproval.

"Please Master, let me..."

"No. Be perfectly still. Feel. Do nothing," I said.

She whimpered, but she gushed even more as I ran my hands over her hole. I inserted my fingers into her, one at first, then more, feeling her tighten and pulsate as I ran back and forth. I pulled out my purpled fingers and tasted. It was wonderful, sticky and sweet like grape.

"Mmmm. Just like Welch's..." I said. I let her taste fill my mouth. She laughed.

I plunged my face into her blue hole, licking and probing into the sweet-tasting darkness. I felt her melt against me, could feel her breathing and hear her faint moans. She bucked her hips, but I held her fast.

"No," I commanded. "Be perfectly still..."

She whimpered in ecstasy. "Oh God Master!" She cried out, tears in her eyes. "Let me please you, pleeeease!"

"No," I said, my voice shaking. She was pleasing me, of course. Holy shit was she doing a good job of pleasing me. Watching her wriggle and writhe in pleasure as she moaned and begged, being able to control her and make her half insane, had made me iron hard. I loved the control, and watching and getting inside her head. Feeling her body shiver at my touch was getting inside my head even more. Her thighs and my face had begun to mingle and merge, and the warmth was wonderful.

I licked and licked, and my wife suffered through the wonderful sensations, letting out tortured cries of sheer happiness as she whimpered, desperate to please her man yet commanded to be as still as possible and enjoy his service. I was making her insane.

Finally, she grew close, as I kept buried my face buried into her and tasting grape. When I heard her beginning to raise her voice in climax, I seized her by the hips and bored in, burying my tongue as deeply as I could. She came, and when she came she utterly lost herself, collapsing into a vaguely humanoid fluid as she gushed all over me. The sheets coiled up around us, and turning into tongues they began licking me with fury, licking at my penis ravenously.

Each lick made me shudder with pleasure, and I vainly tried to dodge them, but couldn't. When the aftershocks of her colossal orgasm subsided, she let out a frustrated grunt of aggression. Now insane with ecstasy, my shoggoth waifu was in full worship master mode, mouths kissing me all over as her main form grabbed me in a tight embrace, pushing tongues into my mouth which wrapped around and worshipped my own, taking turns slapping it around.

In this situation, I could either lie back and get fucked, or take charge. I was too horny to lie back. Watching her writhe in pleasure had been more arousing for me than for her. As we kissed I gripped her arms, then flipped her. I pushed her face into the bed. She dutifully pointed her ass upward and wiggled it. I took a moment to again savor the sight of her sopping wet holes. Gripping my cock free from my waifu's teasing tongues, I pushed myself inside her. She gasped, and grabbed the sheets tightly, but I was the one who cried out louder.

Her tentacles coiled around my legs, adding thrusting power but obeying me completely. And God how I thrust. I needed it. With each push into her moist, warm, tight hole, smoother than her sheets, she let out a little cry of pleasure and pain, and I felt pure electric joy travel up my cock and throughout my body. I could feel it all fulminating as I pushed, as she gave, and as I took.

The rhythm of thrusts brought forth a music of her cries and mine, and a chorus of sensations along my shaft and head as they slid along her smooth, soft, tight walls. My thrusts became quicker, in deeper, and less full, until my heart thundered, and I felt myself erupt inside her. Her eyes turned from yellow to a starfield, and she cried out, joining my orgasm with her own.

We crumpled into each other, and she embraced me, although to be accurate it was more of an envelopment, as Sally and I were soon in a Shoggoth goo sleeping bag, kissing each other passionately.

We kissed like this, furiously desperate to show our love and affection, for a time both eternal and too short. When our kiss finally broke, I cradled her face in my hands.

"I love you, Sally," I whispered.

"I love you...Master," she whispered back.

We kissed again, and she nestled her head on my chest. We drifted in and out of sleep, and I felt perfect contentment. A perfect moment. I laughed.

"What's so funny?" Sally asked. "Thinking about Janet or Gretchen?"

"No, no. I was just thinking how life is really a quest for perfect moments," I said. "They are tragically short, but really and truly that's what we are after. We are so often hungry in our lives, and not just for food. For happiness, for love, for purpose. We are hungry beings. And when we find that perfect moment, we sleep in peace. Odd, isn't it? That when our hunger is gone, we dream?"

Sally stared up at me with her yellow eyes, contented, and a smile. My God, she is an angel on earth, I thought.

I laughed again. "I'm not making much sense," I conceded. "I guess...I guess I'm just in a perfect moment right now, with the best girl on earth, carrying my child, as-"

"TIPPIE TOE! TIPPIE TOE! TIPPPPPIEEEEEEE TOEEEEEE!" I heard a frantic woman's voice echo through the house. The full image of what produced the frantic cry hit me. Suffice to say a very alarmed Sally spent the next 45 minutes trying to prevent me from swallowing my tongue.