How to Recover From a Broken Heart





Many people looking for therapy to heal a broken heart. In treatment, we try to understand and analyze our love relationships. Are we recreating old patterns? Addicted to love? Filling a void? Dysfunctional? Seeking ego validation? Delusional? Naive? Insane? Perhaps. Or maybe we are just woman and subject to the forces of love.





To stop loving isn’t an option. When those you love deeply reject you, leave you, or die, your heart will be broken. But that should not hold you back from loving deeply. The pain that comes from deep love makes your love ever more fruitful.

But how do we get beyond the pain?

Recovery from heartbreak is much like processing grief, so we go through the following stages:

Denial ("This can't be the end")

Anger ("I hate him")

Bargaining ("Maybe if I behaved differently, it would work.")

Depression ("I never want to love again ")

Acceptance ("It was. And now, it is over.")

Here are some tips to recover you from heartbreak.

Release anger, hatred and thoughts of revenge.

Understand this are all related to ego and cause you more harm than good. Anger exacerbates anxiety and depression, keeps us tethered and prevents us from moving forward. As Nelson Mandela said, "Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies." In a moment of quiet, repeat the mantra, "I forgive and release you and let you go."





Give yourself permission to grieve

Grief is not the same for everyone and the best thing you can do for yourself is to give yourself permission to feel all of your sadness, anger, loneliness, or guilt.

Sometimes by doing that, you unconsciously give those around you permission to feel their own grief, too, and you won’t feel like you’re alone in it anymore.You just might find that a friend’s gone through similar pain and has some pointers for you.





Love is a gift

Understand love is always a gift. Love is a blessing even if it ends painfully, for heartbreak bears great wisdom.





Practice self-compassion

Self-compassion involves treating yourself with love and respect while not judging yourself.

Think of how you would treat a close friend or family member going through a hard time. What would you say to them? How would you show them you care? What would you offer them? Take your answers and apply them to yourself.





Get support.

Talk to friends and family who are empathic and kind. Tell them specifically what you need from them. If your friends are tired of your broken record, consider therapy or a support group. Get immediate help if feeling so depressed you are suicidal.





Create space in your schedule

When you are going through a difficult time, it can be easy to distract yourself with activities. While this can be helpful, make sure you’re still leaving yourself some space to process your feelings and have some down time.





Cut off contact with your ex so that you are able to heal.

One of the reasons it took women so long to get over her ex was because they were still in touch with each other via text. Even though they weren’t dating.

When women would date other guys, she wasn’t emotionally invested in them because part of her that held onto hope that "ex" and women could still save relationship and bring it back to what it was during the first year they dated. The truth was that over the years they both changed and grew apart instead of growing together.





Although it was hard to end contact with "ex", women knew that in order to get over him she had to stop relying on him emotionally. This was the scariest part. The "ex" was part of her life for several years and knew all of her—the good, the bad, and the ugly. Women was terrified to be alone and have him out of her life.





It’s different for everybody, but woman realized that no matter how much time has passed a part of her will always love her ex. And that’s okay. Because now woman no longer in love with him, largely because she gave herself the space she needed to finish healing—which means She’ll be able to pursue a relationship with someone else in the future.





Work it out.

Working out your grief quite literally, by swimming, running, exercising or walking, is going to give you immediate relief. On a physiological level, because exercise increases the activity of serotonin and/or norepinehrine and stimulates brain chemicals that foster growth of nerve cells, but also on an emotional level, because you are taking charge and becoming the master of your mind and body. Plus you can visualize the fellow who is responsible for your pain and you can kick him in the face. Now doesn’t that feel good?





Know you are lovable.

Do not misinterpret the end of a relationship as meaning you are somehow not enough. Sometimes people aren't capable of giving us the love we need and deserve, which is their issue and not yours. You are exactly as you should be and are perfectly lovable just the way you are.





Know this too shall pass.

Put one foot in front of the other and time will heal your wounds. Even if you can't imagine feeling better or being open to love again, you most certainly will. In my practice, I have been awed and amazed by the resiliency of the human spirit.





It’s okay to not be okay

A profound loss, like the death of a loved one, is going to look vastly different from a job rejection. In both cases, it’s imperative to allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling and remember that it’s okay not to be okay.

Even if you’re doing everything you can to work through your heartbreak, you’ll probably still have off days. Take them as they come and try again tomorrow.





Stay in the present.

Don't ruminate about the past or second guess your actions. Don't worry about the future. ("Will he find somebody else?") Stay out of your head, for that is a dangerous place to go. Practice mindfulness techniques like deep breathing and meditation. Imagine breathing in what you need (hope, strength, energy) and out what you don't (aches, pain, sadness).





It’s normal for people to need some time to ruminate and go over the break-up in minute detail when we feel like we were the one who was dumped. However, if you’re telling the same story two weeks after the break-up to the same friends; feeling that you're more "anger" than "just" depressed; experiencing emotional pain that is keeping you from engaging in your normal routine, it’s likely going to qualify as too long. There’s not a number for how many weeks it takes to get over a heartbreak. It depends on yourself.





So, move on...



