As dishonest Mike Francesa says, as if about to reverse his standard course, “Let’s be honest.”

Seriously, when’s the last time you saw a chimpanzee, on a leash or on the roam, in your neighborhood? Where have they all gone?

The first place I’d look would be Bristol, Conn., where I deduce they’ve been captured and enslaved by ESPN to produce statistics for national consumption, saving Disney a fortune on salaries and benefits.

What proof do I have? Plenty. It arrives daily and nightly in the form of ESPN statistics that could not be produced by intelligent life form beyond that of the chimpanzee.

During ESPN’s usual evisceration of “Sunday Night Baseball” telecasts — this one, Nationals-Braves — the following designed-to-be-read and appreciated graphic appeared:

“Orioles 5, Red Sox 0. Boston: 1 hit, fewest since being no-hit in 2018.”

Got that? The mere notion the nation needed to be told that one hit is one more than none is hard evidence that chimpanzees accumulate the stats then submit them to Mr. Jingles, the current ESPN CEC, chief executive chimpanzee, for appearance on national TV.

There is no other logical explanation.

As Elvis crooned, “We’re caught in a trap.” If you wish to remain a sports fan, you must suffer the thoughtless, destructive, uncivil and insulting.

Two seasons ago, after a come-on promo for kids to attend Mets games, SNY accidentally caught the audio and video of the Brewers’ Travis Shaw shouting the F-word after striking out against Matt Harvey. Did I write, “accidentally”?

SNY next replayed the audio and video twice, leaving Gary Cohen and Keith Hernandez both aghast and speechless. Three F’s where none was needed. SNY blamed it on an “inadvertent” error.

Tuesday, after Padres starter Chris Paddack was knocked out of the game in the sixth inning by a Robinson Cano home run — another homer that appeared to leave the bat like a golf ball — SNY returned from commercials to show Paddack, on tape and in slow motion, hollering the F-word.

“I hope you can’t read lips,” Gary Cohen said.

“Or if you can,” said Ron Darling, “keep it to yourself.”

But this replay, for no good reason, was designed for us to read his lips, as if we otherwise might’ve thought Paddack would have been pleased. So what SNY apologizes for presenting as a matter of common decency it now eagerly pursues and presents.

The odds-on favorite, Pathetic, wins again!

Pablo comes through with walk-off error

The Mets were responsible for the Scene of the Week on Friday in San Francisco. The Giants won 1-0 in the 10th inning after left fielder Dom Smith and shortstop Amed Rosario appeared unfamiliar with catching a routine fly ball, this one hit by obese Pablo Sandoval.

The ball dropped, a “walk-off error” — as all games now end, as per media mandates, with walk-off something or others.

Sandoval stood in the infield and exalted. He’d done it! His teammates gang-rushed him from the dugout to pound him on the back and hug him for his job well done.

And given he’d struck out twice, perhaps the celebration was warranted: He popped up to left; he didn’t strike out! He’s the peaches, he’s the cream, he’s the star of the baseball team? Pablo, that’s how!

Just passing through Friday and Saturday, the following was observed during Rockies-Yankees:

1) Yanks catcher Austin Romine stole second, his fourth career steal, in this case because no one was covering second.

2) The Yanks’ Mike Tauchman stole second then took third on a bad throw, but primarily because no one was covering third.

3) Just-doesn’t-get-it Gary Sanchez, one of Aaron’s Boone’s Jogging Savages, hit a high fly ball to first, then jogged about one-third of the way to first while carrying his bat. Had the ball dropped or been dropped — it was a sunny day — Sanchez still would’ve been out by plenty.

On YES, as if we hadn’t seen it, not a blessed word.

Yet Boone seems content to have his team continue to play on unfulfilled wishes. Tuesday, despite a 14-12 win in 10 innings at Minnesota, the Yanks, in just the eighth, lost at least three bases because Tauchman, Aaron Judge and Didi Gregorius struck home run poses on balls that hit the wall.

And the only way such curable habits won’t cost the Yanks in the long run is if their opponents play similarly — allowed by their managers to play similarly — and that’s likely to be the case.

Call it like you see it, Ruocco

Not for a second would I suggest new Yankees TV semi-regular Ryan Ruocco go out of his way to rip any Yankees — to bite the hands that feed him — but he must develop some trust with see-and-know-better viewers, starting with the removal of asking them to believe what he says as opposed to what they see.

Moderate candor is in the best interests of YES, viewers and himself.

Monday, as Ruocco called it on YES, Gleyber “Torres, speeding into second with a head-first slide” on a shot to deep left-center.

But he left out the conspicuous part: Torres forced himself to “speed into second with a [dangerous] head-first slide” because he initially stood near the plate, giving it his home-run pose.

Ruocco also must lose his inclination toward the transparent and obsequious. He recently praised YES’ cameramen as “the best in the country.” Perhaps, but having shown up a few minutes ago, how would he know?

He’s trying too hard. It’s TV. Relax, pay attention.

That didn’t take long. Fanatics, the collectibles/autographs operation that swallowed Steiner Sports, Thursday had framed autographed pictures of Aaron Hicks’ great catch, roughly 30 hours before, for sale at $150. “Limited Edition” autographed baseballs commemorating Didi Gegrorius’ 100th home run for just $400.

Reader Joe Lello, Wyoming, Pa.: “Such a drastically different [and better] viewing experience watching the Yanks play in Minnesota, where the best seats are filled and I don’t have to look at a sea of empty blue seats like at Yankee Stadium.”

Manfred Meatballs Stat of the Week: Twins, Monday vs. the Yankees, had eight hits — five of them home runs.

Cubs manager Joe Maddon, Tuesday at San Francisco, in 13 innings removed five relievers, each pitching one inning, allowing a total of one hit, until he could find one to lose the game. Reader Joe Miegoc suggests a new stat: GLOOM: games lost on over-managing.

Reader Mike Lerner, as are many of us, is perplexed: ESPN hired ex-Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez, though “he doesn’t seem to have any criminal background.”