GOVERNMENT cuts affect poor people less because they like horrible cheap shit, the Conservatives have explained.

The party said economic deprivation could be a good thing because it prevented the poor from being exposed to unfamiliar and frightening experiences.

A spokesman said: “A dinner party would be incredibly traumatic for people who only eat frozen ready meals. A whole chicken would look like an alien to them and they’d either attack it or call Sky News.

“Seeing a Shakespeare play would make them think they’d gone back in time and start frantically looking for a rift in the space-time continuum.

“It would be worse if David Tennant was in it because they’d be expecting Daleks to appear.”

The spokesman added: “We will try to keep the horrible, cheap shit as cheap and horrible as possible.”