Are you tired of old, stuffy ideas weighing you down? Sick of pesky crust and dust congesting your pathways to well-earned fresh air? Well we here at Animal’s House of Muse have heard your cries of comfort, and have been slaving away in our fanciest, most official-looking think tanks, with regard neither to personal health nor safety, to bring directly to your living rooms of possibilities a low cost solution to such intellectual woes: we bestow unto thee, the lawn-chair. I know, I know. It seems silly, doesn’t it? Why take seriously the thought of down-grading from that plush-plush life of armchair-living to the semi-comforts of commonality? But before you doubt, oh Thomas, take a good gander at its innovative, collapsable capacities which allow one to radically measure one’s very own position and momentum, alongside other such theoretical prejudice, simultaneously; with decisive motions so simple, even a child could be certain of how it operates. Watch how it folds up into a nice, neat pile of rusted metal and cheap, moldy plastic for easy storage throughout the house! It need not replace your current armchair system of thought, but it sure can compliment and enhance your current armchair system of thought, because not only does it function inside the house- it makes a great companion for adventures into the great outdoors! From the front stoop, to the back porch; from the back lawn, to front lawn seats at a folk-fest: this. chair. does. it. all. And don’t just take our word for it! Look at what a different Thomas had to say about this product: “Before experimenting with the lawn chair, my thoughts were sluggish and over-grown. But this ostensibly frivolous device allows me to roam, with little tax or charge to my person, into realms previously impoverished of proper ponders and pontifications- giving my highest faculties quite the work out! My head lost 10 inches in just 4 weeks! It really works!”And if your third eye’s nose is hardened beyond the touch of all reproach, don’t mistake its efficient cause for an escape from the rigors of due process, as it is comfortable enough to permit lofty thought, yet not so comfortable as to urge one to stew too long in a hearty broth of fatty-hubris. We here at Animal’s House of Muse firmly believe that with greater and ever-expanding lists of accumulated experience, comes the greater and ever-expanding girth of a body of works in need of a priori care and cultivation; and in order for one not to lose sight of the origins of the need for such philosophical clarity in all such experiences while using this product, inside, as well as outside of ideal comfort zones, we do not suggest the destruction, denial, or overall impairment of what we take to be the philosophical imperative to positively and efficiently represent all walks of truth.

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Copyright Keli Birchfield 2014