*Blacker than night were the eyes of Felina, wicked and evil while casting a spell...*

Been watching this show for a couple of months with my sister who had already seen it, and I finished it.. like two weeks ago. As much for myself as for anyone else, I feel like typing out my thoughts on just.. whatever comes to mind, I guess, regarding this show, to give myself some ~closure~. I mean with how complex this glorious nightmare was, with how many great scenes and narratives it has, there's no way I can possibly hit every aspect of it that resonated with me, since it's not like this post can break down every single great moment, from the intervention with the pillow to "I.F.T." to the idea of a Star Trek pie-eating contest won by teleportation. It *pains* me that there is *so much that is so good* about this show that there is no way I can express all of it in this post. It paaains me. I'll just have to stick around here a while and hopefully get some opportunity to do so! For now, I have a lot of thoughts running through my mind, and I feel like getting at least *some* of my opinions out there -- and maybe some folks will enjoy reading them! (Since I know that on other subeddits for things I watch, I always love the "Just finished this show/season/etc" posts to see people's reactions, so maybe people will enjoy this as well.) There are some parts about the last two episodes on which I have mixed emotions, but I'll probably cover those in a separate post later; this post is more a celebration of some of the MANY things that made Breaking Bad so fucking great.

God, the more I think back on the entirety of this show... I am at a loss for words.

(First things first, I will say that I was spoiled on a lot of stuff. I can list what I was spoiled on if anyone cares, but for a lot of the show's biggest moments, I was appreciative of them more than surprised by them.)

This will probably be pretty stream-of-consciousness and just... whatever comes into my mind, I guess, but I'll try to hit every major character. But this is maybe just going to be a disjointed amalgamation of thoughts on the excess of memorable Breaking Bad content than some organized thesis statement about the show. Whatever, let's just see where this takes me.

* Guess I'll start with Walter White. I'm... not exactly a fan of Walt right now, haha. Now, he is a great fictional character, without a doubt. And I do think that with time, with rewatches, and with further reflection, I will appreciate that more, and maybe view him as less irredeemable. But right now... gods, *fuck* this guy. From what I gather based on friends that are in this fanbase, there are folks who hardcore defend Walt and his actions as "for the family", ardently sympathize with him, etc.

I am... not so much in that camp. Nor was I ever, quite honestly. I mean, I didn't unreservedly *hate* him from Day 1. Of course I'm rooting for him in Four Days Out and in Grilled, of course I do think it's kind of badass when he says his name is Heisenberg and blows up the building. But... I was really never fully in the camp of "Go Heisenberg!"; even when he adopts that identity in the famous "This is not meth" scene, it's hard for me to really view it as an exciting and triumphant thing. Other than the sheer fact of him being the protagonist (which is pretty arbitrary), I feel like there are probably two reasons to side with Early Walt (not to enjoy watching him on a visceral "Whoaaaa that was badass!" level, but to *side with* him and believe he is justified i his behavior): 1) He feels trapped in his life -- basically, what he says in his "You ask me why I ran?" monologue. Or, there is 2) He was doing it for the family. #1 is appealing, maybe, but it does not hold any water for me. So Walt's unhappy in his difficult life that isn't as big as it could have been. Okay, yeah, that sucks for him, but... so what? You think Skyler is happy when the husband who swore vows to her is suddenly disappearing on end with no explanation? No, she's not. Essentially, I see no reason why I should say that Walt's contentment takes precedence over Skyler's -- particularly when the former comes solely from a direct, apathetic destruction of the latter. To say that Walt should do whatever he wants to make himself happy is to say that Skyler's happiness doesn't matter, that his duty as a husband doesn't matter. Basically, here's my way of looking at it. If Walt were cheating on Skyler and going out and fucking other women every night, because he had cancer and was underwhelmed with his suburban life and wanted to FEEL ALIVE DAMMIT!!!, would most people be supporting it just because of his circumstances? Since that looks less badass than blowing up a building, I find it rather unlikely. Yet that's exactly what Walt was doing, he was being unfaithful to her, he was betraying her trust and his obligations as a husband. He just happened to be cheating on her with Felina, I guess you could say, not Gretchen or Carmen or any human female, but.. that doesn't change what it was. It was him egotistically deciding that being faithful and honest to the woman to whom he has *pledged his life* doesn't matter as much as getting his adrenaline pumping, and -- to say nothing of the effects that such a potent drug has on its abusers, whose addictions Walt's production is not just enabling but *facilitating*! -- that is some *straight up bullshit.* Walt's happiness does not deserve to be placed on a pedestal above Skyler's, so I wasn't rooting for his meth career to work out too well even in season one before he gets into all the child-poisoning. It is egotistical rubbish for him to decide that it does and ignore his duties as a spouse. He was a prideful, self-centered jerk from the beginning.

(Side note: I think it is very interesting how a lot of viewers - myself included, to an extent - probably respond more negatively to seeing Walt lie to Skyler in the Ozymandias cold open flashback than we did in season one, now that we know where it is headed; shouldn't the morality of his early lies be judged by those lies themselves, not based on whether he continued to do them later? We should judge Walt just as harshly for his initial lies while watching season one as we do watching the Ozymandias flashback, but most of us likely do not. Interesting.)

And this, I suppose, leads me into point #2: He was doing it all ~for the family,~ so that makes it okay!! Again, bullshit. I was surprised at the relative lack of ambiguity here.. he *fucking turns down an offer from Gretchen and Elliott.* He *did not need* to make meth in order to get money. He did it because of his pride and refusal to accept "charity" -- so it *isn't* for his family at all. It's for his pride and his desire to stand out.. which goes back to the above paragraph: That does not take precedence over his duties as a husband and father.

Walt talks about how you have to make sacrifices for your family, right? Gus wins him over by saying "What does a man do? He provides for his family, *whether or not they respect him."* If you ask me, **that seems like a pretty damn good rationale to suck up his god complex for two seconds and take the money, because it will *provide for his family.*** Feeling that he has to do it himself, and feeling ashamed if he doesn't? That's a Walt issue, not a "the family" issue, so once again, it comes back to his egotism. If Walt were really this paragon of sacrifice, this amazing father and husband whom Skyler should have been *so* thankful to have living under her roof, this man who is so concerned about his family's well-being regardless of what it means for him, *he would have taken the fucking check and made an **actual** sacrifice by sacrificing his desire to be a breadwinner (which nobody expects him to be anyway) in exchange for the financial security of his family.* **Walt does not want to provide for his family. Walt wants to be the provider for his family. His actions, therefore, are rooted in a selfish, egocentric view of himself that I cannot support.**

And one more observation to blow a hole in the whole "Walt just did it for the family because he had cancer" thing: **Walt shows an interest in the meth lab on TV and asks Hank how much money was there, which occurs *before his cancer diagnosis.*** While the cancer was the catalyst for the reaction of Walt -> Heisenberg, there is evidence right there in the premiere that he was interested before that.

All of that is just in reference to early Walt, the one who has some semblance and some veneer of moral ambiguity. Once we get further in, in season five territory in particular... god, I just fucking *loathe* the little urchin; I literally *cheered* when Marie told him to kill himself, since I'd said the same thing out loud -- just said "Fucking *kill yourself* already" to my Netflix screen -- maybe three or four minutes prior. And I could go on and on about it, but I mean... anyone reading this has probably seen season five. Pick out any Walt scene there and he's probably doing some insanely egotistical rubbish, and I have a hard time imagining a way that someone can argue he was a knight in shining armor helping the family throughout those latter stages. Whistling after Drew Sharp dies, his fucking DISGUSTING pissing on Jesse in Ozymandias, killing Mike, "Say my name... you're goddamn right" and so on and so forth. I won't recap it all, and I doubt I could if I tried, since there are so many little moments of it.

And oh, don't get me wrong, he's a *damn* good villain. I mean I fucking *hate* this guy -- but I *love* to hate him. God, Bryan Cranston was amazing. I wasn't sure how I felt about Cranston's performance early on, but I pretty quickly fell in love with it and can't imagine anyone else being Walter White. And Walt's delusions are often rather hilarious, and while it's so frustrating to watch him get his way when he's being this complete and utter jerkass... it's pretty worth it once he stops getting his way. The first half of "Rabid Dog" was some of my favorite stuff in the series, since it was just scene after scene of Walt's entire worldview -- wherein he is a god who can change reality simply with a couple of words -- falling apart around him, as nobody even pretended to humor him anymore. And with things like the opening scene of "Say My Name", him telling Skyler "I won", his final scene with Mike, making his elderly neighbor go into his home, that *fucking horrendous* Confessions video.. He's god-awful, but in a way that is dramatic, that is compelling, that *works*, and Bryan Cranston fits it *perfectly.* I mean, "I am not in danger; **I AM the danger!**" is, without question, my favorite line of dialogue in the series. So I love to hate him, for sure.. but I'm still firmly in that "hate" territory, haha. He's a phenomenal character. Just not one that I find likable.

I will close this section, and move on to someone else (though I have not even scratched the tip of the Heisenberg), by drawing attention to the one particular scene that I *loved* and think is a nice microcosm of the whole Walter White experience: He goes up to Saul beneath the vaccuum store, tries to push him up against the wall and say "This isn't over until I say it's over"... and he can't even get it out because he collapses, coughing; Saul tells him that it's over and departs with nothing but pity; Walt is alone. That right there captures perfectly the narcissism, the delusion, and how it all shatters, leaving Walt an isolated, powerless husk of a man -- a crippled little rata.

* **"I hide in plain sight." "It's doubtful he'll live. Now thank me, and shake my hand... You're welcome, Mr. White." "Well? Get back to work." "*Do. It.* :)" "You have no one left to fight for. Fill your pockets and leave in peace, or fight me and die!" "I don't believe fear to be an effective motivator." "If you try to interfere, this becomes a much simpler matter... I will kill your wife. I will kill your son. *I will kill your infant daughter.*" "This is what comes of blood for blood, Hector." "*I* do this."** Gustavo Fring... *Wow.* What a fucking amazing character. One of the biggest things that I can't *wait* to see with someone who's unspoiled (I have a friend who knows virtually nothing about the show -- only the generic "chemistry teacher makes meth" stuff, that a plane crashes, and that Walt dies in the finale -- and it's a friend who I think is definitely smart enough to take in all the complexity of this series) is the development of this guy's character. He's so methodical in almost everything that he does, but so fucking *badass* at the same time, with his "Fucking come at me" stance to the cartel shooting at his men, Box Cutter, the entirety of Salud.. He's amazing. The ultimate example of those two coming together as one is "It's doubtful he'll live. Now thank me, and shake my hand. :)" -- next to "I'm not in danger, Skyler; I **AM** the danger", that's easily my favorite quote in the series, where you think it's just Gus being cordial for appearances, but then he somewhat cryptically, seriously says "You're welcome, Mister White"... then everyone starts panicking as the assassin dies, and then Mike discards the syringe. Awesome.

But what makes him a phenomenal and complex character is the backstory developed in "Hermanos", where suddenly he becomes a lot more complex -- he's still the antagonist to Walt.. but in his own personal story -- the fight against the cartel -- he's the ultimate hero, fighting for revenge against those who hurt his loved ones. It's pure [A Dance With Dragons](#s "Wyman Manderly"), and it's amazing. And then when he dies, it's suddenly not a big celebratory thing like you'd have expected after "Box Cutter", because it means he stopped just short of completing the revenge he had wanted for so long. Hector, unquestionably a shithead, won the final battle, and Gus's death actually becomes pretty tragic, which isn't something that you'd at all expect of a character who murders his closest workers with box cutters and threatens infanticide as something *simple.* He's almost certainly my favorite character in this series. Everything about his demeanor, how he's acted, how he's developed, and how his story plays out is just excellent. Hermanos is my 4th-favorite episode of the series as of right now, and the transformation of Gus from a pure villain into an anti-hero *right* before he dies is another way this show defies conventions and your expectations of how characters and their storylines should go.

And I fucking love his death, that epic final shot of him with his face missing. I know some people didn't like it because it wasn't realistic, but... I'll just quote the AV club here: "A character this iconic deserves a mythic death, realism be damned!" And watching Gus be this total chameleon, who would be a concerned figure about Walt's health to Gale, who would be a friend to the DEA, who would be pure evil to Hector, and so on -- having him die *literally* two-faced is a great, ironic way to call back to what his defining and most beneficial trait was. Gus is just such a fucking brilliant character. Love, love, love him, and the interviews I've seen with Giancarlo Esposito make me a fan of him as well -- apparently he almost turned down the part because he didn't want to play yet another black criminal, but the fact that BrBa focuses more on the underbelly of these things and on the fact that crime doesn't pay is what made him take the role. He seems like an excellent guy, very self-aware and very in tune with his identity as a minority actor and very sentimental. I've only watched like two interviews with him, but from what I have seen, I admire him quite a lot.

* The bronze medal for my favorite quotes in the series would have to be "My name is ASAC Schraeder, and you can go fuck yourself." Other than the first episode or two and when he was bed-ridden and a dick to Marie (but even there, there's some ambiguity to it! I mean, that'd be a really fucking humilitating situation to be in), I loved Hank. Was he a little single-minded about catching Heisenberg at the end? Yeah, and I can appreciate that as a way they added complexity even to the character who was pretty much the protagonist at that point, as the way they made him "break bad" -- but it didn't make me like him any less. I mean, Walt had done fucking awful shit to Hank and to the family, so I understood Hank's intensive focus on tearing him down however he needed to, and I hated Walt so much at that point that I'd root for almost anyone who opposed him. So I still rooted for him even as he "broke bad", though I also acknowledged and appreciated that he was doing so. His death was also amazing: After all his insecurities about whether he really was fit to be a police officer, Hank died a true man of the law, refusing to bribe a neo-Nazi to try and save his life -- he faced death willingly as a badass Gryffindor, so it isn't him I feel for as much as it's the people he leaves behind, as well as the injustice of the whole situation. Definitely a great character who managed to be complex at his lowest of lows and while approaching his highest of highs, and he has a lot more depth than I initially thought he would. Very well-written and had one of the best sendoffs in the series. And I also love Jack in that scene. The nonchalant way that Jack just caps him in a middle of a sentence, casually says "There's no scenario where this guy lives"... it's just so casual, and such a marked contrast to Walt who's just losing his mind. I love the shot right before Walt is let out of the van where Jack is just *annoyed* by Walt: it's a great illustration of the dynamic at play there.

* If ASAC Schraeder died a Gryffindor -- bravely albeit arrogantly fighting evil and accepting the consequences of that fight -- Steve Gomez died a true Hufflepuff, defined more than anything by his loyalty to his friend, up to the very end. I wasn't spoiled on Gomez's death, so it honestly may have hit me harder than Hank's. But even aside from my being spoiled.. Hank dying, you can kind of figure *might* happen. Maybe not when or how, but he's a DEA agent in close proximity to, and adamantly fighting, the meth kingpin. You can kind of figure that his precarious situation and diehard quest to take down Heisenberg might not end too well for him, especially as the show becomes increasingly dark. But Gomez? The Heisenberg case was never *his.* He wasn't the one in the most dangerous position, he wasn't the one spearheading that charge. When Hank dies, it's not that he *deserved* it -- but he died fighting a crusade that he led, and when you're leading a crusade, there's kind of an expectation you might lose. It's not that Hank is responsible for anything Heisenberg did, but he was a big player, a driving force, in that war; Gomez was just *there,* a soldier. You'd think that maybe, the big player is going to lose his battle, but his friends will get out okay.. but nope: in Ozymandias, *everyone* loses, and even though it wasn't Gomez's battle being fought, he doesn't get to leave. He was a good man and a good friend who just got caught up in the thick of things by his buddy's crusade, who went with it because he knew his friend needed the moral support that only he was trustworthy enough to provide, and who paid the ultimate price for helping his buddy out. All the recaps and posts I've looked at for Ozymandias just tack on "Oh, and Gomie died, too" as an afterthought -- and of course, I get that. It's not the great tragedy of the series or of that episode; hell, it doesn't even happen *in* the episode: it happens in between To'haiijlee and Ozymandias, and we never even see it. So no, it's not the biggest tragedy in Breaking Bad.. but it's *a* tragedy in its own right how, just as Hank died bravely fighting Heisenberg, Gomez died loyally helping his friend, the casualty of a crusade in which he had no real part. And I think more people need to recognize it.

I was a big fan of Gomez's from pretty early on; the interplay *between* him and Hank is what made Hank more colorful and fun in the earliest episodes (their ABQ dialogue in particular is so fun and natural, and one of my fav Hank scenes) -- without Gomez, there really isn't as much of a Hank, and while Gomez wasn't the most significant dude, he was a *good* dude. He was just a fun presence adding a little bit of levity to every scene, and a great and loyal friend, and rewatching the series knowing how things end for him -- knowing, every time that he's on screen, that he's going to be unceremoniously shot and dragged into a ditch -- won't be easy at all; I've already rewatched various scenes, and whenever Gomez is there, it's so hard to look at him -- to know that this positive, likable guy who should have decades ahead of him is going to go out before his time, leaving behind a widow. I wish we'd gotten to meet her or see them together at least once, since that could have made Gomez's death a lot more powerful.. but then again, I'm sad enough about it already.

In fact, I actually liked Gomez so much as this likable background force that, when I got a [stuffed bear](http://i.gyazo.com/faf60c8b879c47c7e26a39ade8a81505.png) around the end of season 2 (looking at my Netflix history, it was some time after "Over"), I decided I was probably going to name him "Gomez" (but I didn't settle on that name definitively because for all I knew, maybe Gomez would betray Hank or something.) But now that I know Gomez is dead, thinking of him, and thus naming the bear that, would make me sad. :( But maybe I'll do it anyway just to honor him, because Steve Gomez <3333

* So from what I gather, a lot of people hate Sky and Marie. I like both of them. <3 I was rooting for Skyler incredibly hard throughout the first 2-3 seasons in particular. I was unreservedly loving her in the first two seasons, up through probably I.F.T. or so, when she was first a victim of White, then figuring out what he was doing, and then trying to get him out of the house. I was absolutely, 100% in Sky's camp there, I'm not at all in the "She was a nag!" camp nor do I see much reason to be. "I.F.T." was one of my favorite moments of the series. After that, when she let Walt stay in the house and didn't divorce him.... ughhhhh, Skyler *nooooo.* I don't support her there, but we did see that her decisions were really affecting her, and we saw her start to rebel against Walt again particularly in season five (Anna Gunn's "Fifty-One" performance <3333333) Like, I don't agree with the choices she's making at that point, but I still like and sympathize with her, and I *get* why she's not turning Walt in. Unlike Walt, she actually is making those choices for the family, not wanting Flynn's youth ruined by this reveal about his father or wanting Walt's relationship with his son wrecked in his final months. It was a naive way to approach things, but I understand it -- and again, we see that she's actually *emotionally affected* by it, which is the difference between her and Walt, who whistles happily after Drew Sharp dies. Skyler is the one who I view more as having "broken bad" simply by getting in too deep without realizing it, where I think Walt's bad was simply revealed over time when he had an outlet for it.

As for Marie, she was my least favorite character for a while, for the first season and a half or so. I mean, I think you'd have a hard time finding anyone who liked her in the original kleptomania storyline. But as the story went on, the writers figured out what to do with her a little better and she toned down, and I started to really love her. Really love her, a lot. She was an excellent wife to Hank, and taking on that role of a caretaker and pretty much always managing a smile for him even as he's treating you like garbage, that's really admirable. I think that my opinions on early Walt highlight that one thing I value a *lot,* more than just about anything else in life, is romantic relationships and loyalty/committment to a partner. Marie exemplifies this with her perpetual care for Hank even as he's reaching that level of being, well, awful to her -- and in "One Minute" when she shows up in the elevator and lets him cry on her, that is just a *beautiful* scene for both of them. So I disliked her early on, then I liked and sympathized with her for a while, and am increasingly realizing in retrospect just how admirable she was there; at the time, I liked her, but I didn't fully realize the depth of it. At the time, though, I still did sympathize with her as Hank mistreated her (and we saw the kleptomania come back in a much more sympathetic way) and *especially* during Crawl Space. Crawl Space is where I really took notice of her as a character: she had done nothing wrong or dangerous or anything in the Heisenberg battle at that point, so hearing her cry and just wonder when it's all going to *end*... ugh. But 5B is where I completely fell for her. She was trying anything she could to get the children away from that dangerous environment, and her taking Holly, of course that's not the best decision, but I just love the contrast between Marie/Walt (who took Holly for himself) and Marie/Skyler (who tried to get the children away from Walt but kind of took half measures.) Ozymandias is Marie's crowning point throughout the entire series, where even after Skyler and Walt's disgusting "confession" video, even after Hank got shot and nearly died, she's *still* supportive, telling Skyler, "Look, I'm forcing myself to remember that *you are my sister,* and I believe that whatever he did to you can be undone." Of course she has a harder time remembering that once Hank dies, but in Felina, she's nonetheless willing to form a brief truce just to warn Skyler that Walt is back. And it's Marie who deals the ultimate blow to Walt by finally revealing the truth to Flynn.

She may be rough around the edges, but her heart is in the right place, and while she's annoying early on, she is written very well to become a much more sympathetic character later on and become an actual force with agency during the last few episodes. I ultimately adore Marie (and Betsy Brandt from what I've seen of her), I think she's just an incredible character, has some of the best development of the show. I think she is an amazing wife, an amazing sister, and an amazing aunt. I wish she were my aunt. <3 Ugh, she'd have been a great mother, so it's so horrible that she ends up a widow -- so horrible that I *still* haven't really let myself process it, it's really only just hitting me right now how awful it is that she, in spite of being such a great force in the family, is the one who experiences the harshest loss. God. Damn these writers. They always know how to pain you in the most amazing, focused way. It's so horrible for Marie to lose Hank. :(

* While I'm talking about things that are painful to watch: One of the toughest scenes for me to watch, knowing that Hank died, was his surprise party at the office where everybody clearly loves the guy, and you can just imagine how big a hole is left in how many lives once he's gone. Other incredibly tough or nauseating scenes to watch: SaveWalterWhite.com in ABQ. Walt showing Holly the money. Most of Jesse in the last three episodes. Walt's confession video. The knife fight. All of those were *so* exceptionally horrendous to watch. :(

* I don't have a ton to say on Jesse, for such a major character, but I do agree with my sister's assessment of him as a puppy with a meth problem who everyone just keeps kicking. He goes through so much shit and while he's not perfect, and he's impulsive and emotional, he's fundamentally emotional: the sacrifice he makes for Jake says everything. It's just awful to see how much fucking bullshit he goes through, and I'm not saying he's perfect but he's not some awful guy. And Aaron Paul is fucking amazing.

* On the topic of Jesse, one particular episode that I feel particularly compelled to mention in this post is "Peekaboo." That was an episode that jumped out to me SO much when I first watched the show. It was so emotional, particularly the ending where they play peekaboo again -- that was just an emotionally overwhelming moment for me for some reason. It was another great instance of how this show doesn't really glamorize the crime, as Jesse gets up close and personal with his customers and how awful their "lives" are. It was just so fucking *dark* and gritty that I couldn't believe I was really watching it. In fact, okay, there are five episodes that I think really pushed the show forward into incredible territory. There are five episodes where I was like "Holy shit, this show is *really* going to this point" or "Wow, the show is actually telling the story in this way, that's amazing" and was surprised by what I was watching. Peekabo was one because it was just SO surreal and grim. The others, chronologically, are:

1) ...And The Bag's In The River. The cold open, I actually couldn't even look since I'm squeamish with gore like that, but it also just gets to me on a deep level, to think about what people are made of and all that shit. So that scene was the first moment where I was like "Wow, holy fuck, this show is really good", and some people might have thought it was forced or whatever but I loved the "There's no soul here. Only chemistry." line. But obviously the main draw here is the incredible Krazy-8 content. One of the many things that's excellent about this show is how it doesn't just jump from big moment to big moment and rely on flash and surprise; rather, it builds up those moments, so that they have the maximum impact when they *do* happen, and there's also significant fallout to make them dramatically satisfying and believable (like how Jesse doesn't just kill Gale; he kills Gale and sinks into an awful depression over it. [And that fallout also ties into the whole "not glamorizing crime" thing that I love so much, and which is probably best encapsulated by Dead Freight.]) "The One Where Walt Kills Krazy-8", as a friend called it, is where we first see this, where there's just so much time spent on talking, and talking, and *talking* about things as seemingly meaningless as a furniture store, so that then when Walt *does* decide what to do in his dilemma, it's as emotional as possible. The slow burn of that episode.. My friend described this episode, before I watched it, as a slow burn that takes its time setting up its pieces, but that its doing so makes it so that when they're all in place and the game concludes, it's such a sudden, big, unbelievably high climax. This episode, that's the first instance of that, of how the show says "Fuck you, we're taking our time and we're going to go for a slow burn, whether you want it or not; that's how we're telling our story no matter what you think of it." The only other TV drama I really follow is Game of Thrones, which is a great show, but it increasingly has lost some faith in its audience in terms of its adaption of certain events, I feel. Breaking Bad has faith in the audience, which lends itself to a VERY quality final production, and Bag/River is where we first see that. God, the way the story plays out is brilliant as well: Walt settling on the decision to not kill him, but then quite literally seeing the missing piece of the puzzle... It's great stuff. The first two episodes are good, sure, but this is the episode where I was like "...holy shit. What am I watching? This is incredible! This is such great drama! This show really is as impressive as people say." I was hooked.

2) Down. I haven't gone too in-depth in looking at best episodes lists or anything, but it seems like not many people cared about this episode. Personally, though, I was blown away by it. It's almost like the original Ozymandias in that it's just a full episode of EVERYTHING going bad for EVERYONE. Skyler yells at Walt and leaves him in the dark, Walt bullshits to Skyler, Skyler smokes while pregnant, Holly's mother is smoking, Flynn and Walt's ~fun driving excursion~ goes to shit in a scene that I found surprisingly hard to watch, Jesse is kicked out of his home, Jesse is kicked out of his friend's home, Jesse *even has his fucking bike stolen,* Jesse falls into a toilet, Jesse cries himself to sleep wearing a gas mask so he can't smell his own stench... Then Jesse, having literally nothing and nowhere to go, goes to Mr. White, since he's the closest thing to a friend or father figure that Jesse's got. But Walt just yells at him, horribly berates him, and they get into an awful fight. EVERYONE loses here, even Holly. When I finished this episode, absolutely no part of me felt good. It feels almost like "Why the fuck did I *watch* this?" because it's barely moving the plot forward and it's not happy, not satisfying in the traditional sense, on any level whatsoever. Yet that fact is what makes it so fucking good and satisfying! This episode just, it absolutely just *blew me away,* that a show would really go to this depth and would really spend its 42 allotted minutes on everything going bad for everyone, on incredible bleakness that leaves you feeling awful and depressed, with everyone doing bad things and/or having bad things happen to them and nobody winning or even breaking even. Incredible stuff.

3) ABQ. This episode is fucking amazing and climactic from start to finish and I rank it the best non-Ozymandias episode in the series -- and it comes along in season *two.* Holy fuck. If I were to try to go into everything, it'd be a massive rant. (I ranked all the episodes on my Facebook, like I said, so I know this from experience haha.) But this episode is just so goddamn incredible and amazing that it absolutely blew me away, since it basically raised the bar and showed me very early on what the absolute peak of this show was. And when we see Jesse in the crack house grieving, that's very much a combination of what I loved about all the three episodes I just named: It's as unsettling and surreal and grim as Peekaboo, it's as much of a buildup/consequence to actions thing as Bag/River, it's as depressing as Down. I was in disbelief in that scene, and the episode also has hilarious parts, incredibly climactic parts, very satisfying parts, shocking parts... gods. I mean I fucking love that climactic ending, yet at the same time we also have one of my favorite Hank scenes of the series with some great interplay b/w him and Gomez. Great episode all around. Love love love it. Can't express enough how much I fucking love it.

4) Grilled. It wasn't really in the whole "What am I *watching?*" camp, like Bag/River and Peekaboo and Down and parts of ABQ were... But it was very tense, a very good standoff. It was super dramatic and tense, and I loved that, but the Skyler content is what made it amazing. When she's talking to the investigator and we see her go into detail about how she's checked every police station and morgue and hospital within an X-mile radius... Again, like Jesse grieving for Jane or Krazy-8's furniture store, they don't have to show that. It doesn't move things forward. But it adds to the emotion and depth of everything, it's the show knowing when to turn down the burner and cool off and show you just how real these moments are for the characters.

Those five episodes -- Bag/River, Grilled, Down, Peekaboo, and ABQ -- those are the ones where I was first like, "Gods, what am I watching here? This is amazing" and found the show so incredible. And of course after the godly ABQ episode, that's where I was fully prepared for everything else in the series. (Well, up until Ozymandias. *Nothing* can prepare you for Ozymandias.)

* Gale <3 I think, if I had to choose right now, Gus is my favorite character. Gale was my favorite at the time of his death, though, and I think he still might be in my top three (along with Gus and Marie)? I mean this show is full of great characters so I could never *really* rank them, but I fucking loved Gale. He was adorable and sweet and him dying was awful. Oh, yeah, you know what belongs in the "hard to watch" list that I named earlier? Gale's phone vibrating but he can't hear it because he's singing over his music like he was doing so adorably early on. :(

* That scene where Gus tells Gale he might need to take over for Walt because of Walt's cancer <3 Gus is the bomb.

* Mike! I don't know why I didn't mention Mike Ehrmantraut yet, but I loved him. He was a badass, he was supportive of Jesse a lot of the time, he was very professional, he was comical in his gives-no-fucks attitude, and he voiced my opinions on Walt a lot of the time. Loved him. And loved his death. It was a VERY fitting and emotional sendoff for him, I felt, and maybe the ultimate turning point in Walt's character. Certainly one of them. Mike was great. His "No more half measures" speech, I've watched maybe like five times since finishing the series, because it's just compelling, the way he tells the story. I love it, and Jonathan Banks did well here.

* Seriously, though, I alluded to it earlier, but Dead Freight was amazing. Such pure Breaking Bad right there.

* I don't really have anything to say on Lydia herself, but what I will say is holy fuck, she looked *awful* in her final scene in Felina. She looked so fucking horrifying. That was really dark and upsetting to see, just the pure terror in her eyes as Walt tells her that she is now slowly dying thanks to him. Fuck.

* I want Los Pollos Hermanos. It sounds delicious.

* "What's a MILF?"

* Oh, god, you know what also belongs in the hard-to-watch category is Ted's final scene. That was awful. I was not a fan of Ted's, at all, I thought he was a total douche from pretty much the moment he was introduced and he only got worse... but gods, he did not deserve that fate. And that wasn't what Skyler wanted either, at all, so to watch Ted be so fearful, begging her not to hurt his family... I feel so horrible for both of them. That was an absolutely magnificent scene, and I loved it. (Ted himself I never liked one bit, though. I fault him for Skyler's affair far more than I fault Skyler, actually. She was just trying to get him out of his house, but Ted was just going for someone he knew was emotionally vulnerable - without knowing how god-awful Walt was - just because he was attracted to her. Boo Ted.)

* Seriously, though, that whole Anna Gunn Emmy-winning scene in Fifty-One was amazing. I saw Anna Gunn talk about it as her single favorite scene in the series and say that it was basically a three-act drama in itself, and seeing her word it that way, that made me really appreciate the complex of it and now it's one of my favorite scenes in the series. The development of the power structure, as Skyler first has her plan to get Walt out, but then Walt is calling that power into question by berating her, and finally she breaks with her "I DON'T KNOW!" It was all so well-done, both of the actors felt so believable in it and it all felt so fluid and natural, yet at the same time it told this amazing story in such a short timeframe... and then we get Skyler telling Walt, as if it's obvious and he was a fool to have any question what she was thinking, that she's waiting for the cancer to come back, and whatever semblance of a marriage they might have had is gone.

* I fucking loved the callback where in one of Jesse's parties or whatever, they're ordering a pizza from that place where you cut it yourself. That might be the funniest moment of the series, actually. <333

* Walt's early chemistry lectures were super fun. I loved them, I loved how they had those double meanings that set up his storyline or explained who he was.

* Jesus, the whole reason I started typing this just now was because I wanted to get it posted before the Better Call Saul premiere, but I didn't even mention SAUL GOODMAN! Although, I mean, there's not a ton to mention -- he was just fucking funny, and I think he got a great sendoff. Still, though, I loved Saul every second he was on screen. He always livened things up, and seeing how he increasingly wanted to bail on things as things got way out of hand before he finally took his leave... He's a tragic character in his own right, really, even if that tragedy is behind the scenes. I can't WAIT to watch his series, since it should add a lot to someone who was an intriguing, entertaining, and even emotional character on BrBa but whose intrigue/emotion mostly stayed behind the scenes.

* Donald Margolis, speaking of behind-the-scenes tragedies, how about him? Fuck. He might be the most purely tragic character in the series. I don't think I even need to explain why, but seriously, I feel awful for this guy and how his final moment of lenience towards his daughter led to her death, so many innocent people dying, his horrible guilt, the death of his career, and his suicide. All because he felt bad for her and decided to be lenient once. Fuck. Poor Don. :(

* Hector's actor is so fucking great. It's amazing how much emotion we got out of him with 0 dialogue (outside of the flashback.) His last scene, in particular, shows so much emotion with zero words. He manages to become a developed character on his own without a single word, and that's great.

* I've looked over part of the BrBa page on color, and that just shows how much fucking amazing care they took into this show. I can't wait to read through all of it. If it all was really intentional then that's just amazing. Major props to whoever went through and compiled all the colors all the characters wore.

* And, similarly, I loved all the little easter eggs I missed the first time around: Walt's pants appearing in Ozymandias <3 Flynn eventually getting Raisin Bran Crunch <3

Hmm. I feel like I've said most of what I want to say here. Most things of substance, anyway. If I think of anything else, I guess I'll just add it in the comments? I could go through specific episodes and the most emotional scenes of the series, but I already took care of that for myself on my Facebook so I feel like I've sufficiently expressed my thoughts on that, even if it wasn't here. That said, **[here's](http://i.gyazo.com/04cdbf7ec60f66a691f16e35c3889a3a.png) my top 21 episodes ranking, for anyone who's curious** -- I'm sure that there could be some good discussion from that, because I have a lot to say on all of those episodes since they ranked so high; I just didn't want to type it all out here when I already have done so elsewhere. But if anyone is interested in why I ranked certain episodes so high or whatever, I'd love to talk about them! ^^(I can also explain the omissions of some episodes. "One Minute" should be in the list and on the top 10, easily; I forgot just how much incredible Hank content was in there outside of the titular scene. I had 0 idea from memory that him beating up Jesse and all of that was also there -- that's an entire Hank epic in itself, that episode is, to an extent where I didn't even remember it. So pretend it's on that list. Episodes like Fly/4 Days Out are ones I think I'd need a rewatch to really appreciate: I LOVED 4 Days Out the first time, but just couldn't remember while compiling that initial, impulsive list what all happened in it, and Fly I thought was interesting-but-not-great at the time but am increasingly appreciating. Also, I am 100% sure there should be more Season 4 episodes. I mean I'm a massive Gus fan but I didn't include Salud or Bug or Box Cutter.)

So yeah. Those are my thoughts on Breaking Bad. Or some of my thoughts on a lot of Breaking Bad, at any rate. ...Hooray! I love this show, I'd love to discuss anything about it with anyone, feel free to comment on anything I posted or ask me about things I didn't or ask me about the episode rankings or whatever. This is by no means all I thought about every second of the show, it's just sort of what came to mind.