I don’t do New Year’s Resolutions. I see them as the perfect way to set oneself up for disappointment. After all, if you really want to do something, setting a New Year’s resolution isn’t going to be enough to push you to do it. When we really want to do something, like eat healthier or save money or quit smoking, we just up and do it. Using the beginning of a new calendar year really doesn’t work. Not to mention that New Year’s resolutions always seem to be about changing oneself to meet other people’s standards. Whether it’s dieting or the gym or giving up something… seldom do people really make those resolutions for themselves. They make them because they feel they should, or that they have to change themselves to conform to what other people want them to be.

However, after stumbling across some douchecanoe on Twitter whining about being offended by seeing “fat, lazy people”, I’ve decided that I have a goal for 2012. Are you ready for it?

Here it is…

I am going to be willfully fat this year. Offensively, obnoxiously fat. All over the damn place. In fact, I’m fatting at all of you right now.

I’m so fucking sick of people being all offended at fatness. I am sick of people expecting fat people to hide themselves away out of public sight, never being seen at the shops, at the gym, in the workplace, on the street. I’ve had enough of people complaining that they saw someone’s fat arse, arms, belly, thighs, whatever. I’m tired of being told that fat people should cover our bodies, wear dark, minimising, flattering clothing. That we shouldn’t be seen in leggings, tights, sleeveless tops, short shirts, tight jeans, swimsuits and short skirts. I’m sick of fat people being told they should starve themselves, never eat. I’m royally fucking fed up with being expected to hide myself away like I’m something to be ashamed of. I’m over being hated simply because I exist in a fat body.

Yet of course, we’re also told that we don’t get out and exercise enough, that we don’t do anything but sit at home and eat.

What do you fucking want fat loathers? Seriously, we’re either out in public being our fat selves, or we’re at home where you can’t see us. You can’t have both!

So here’s my 12 step plan for my year of living fatly – it shouldn’t be too hard, I’ve been living fatly now for over 25 years.

Be fat in public. Live while fat. Work while fat. Dress fashionably fat. Be fat in the company of my friends. Ride my bike while fat. Swim while fat – in a swimsuit, yikes! Expose my fat arms, fat thighs, fat belly and fat arse in public. Laugh and have fun while being fat. Celebrate other fab fatties. Eat in public while being fat. Unashamedly love myself while being unashamedly fat.

It’s so hard for society at large to believe that fat people have lives, loves, careers, hobbies, passions, style, intelligence, humour and value that I’m going to live my whole life doing all those things, having all those things, while being fat. Not to prove to society at large that we do have those things, but to be someone that other fat people can see and hear. To be a visible fat person breaking the mold.

But most of all, because none of us, not you, not me, not anyone, has to live their lives surreptitiously for fear of offending someone’s delicate sensibilities with our fatness. No more furtiveness about living life. It’s there to be lived, and I’m going to be fatting all over it.