Don’t command, persuade. Don’t force, seduce.

It’s a simple concept, but one we all forget from time to time. Why is it that some people are able to inspire devotion from total strangers while others struggle to get their paid employees to work? Contrary to our everyday experiences, people are willing to do a lot of things. They’re willing to be your friend, give you money, fall in love with you, hire you, include you in the group, whatever it is you want. They’re also more than willing to resist you over even tiny things if you give them reason to–just ask any teenager about their relationship with their parents, or vice versa.

The trick is in the presentation. If you’re a child beggar and want someone’s money, don’t worry, they’ll give it to you. First you tell them the story of your parents kicking you out and how you got nothing and have nobody. If you want a friend, don’t just ask them, that gives them the impression that you’re just a parasite. Instead, show them what a accomodating, considerate, charming, independent person you are, and just watch. They’ll come to you, and say “thank you, may I please have some more” after your conversations with them. And when you want favors, ask for them in a way that shows you value the favor-giver as a person beyond the simple favor, and they’ll be reluctant to risk severing that connection over a small favor. It’s all a matter of giving people the right perspective.

The point is, you have to make people want. When people already wanted to do what you say and also want to follow you, leading comes naturally. Now go out and get ’em!