You’ll Never Be Ready to Lose

A call to seriously consider your motivations before you decide to step into the ring.

About a month into training at my first kickboxing gym, I inquired with my coach about getting into competition. I had no delusions about my ability to hold my own in a professional fight, but I wanted to put it out there that it was something I was interested in, for the future. Maybe given some time and a lot of focused training, I could at least try my luck in the amateurs.

When I said this, he looked at me rather… dismissively. It’s hard for me to describe, but I knew he wasn’t taking me seriously. At first, I took offense to that; I knew I wasn’t great, but I figured the least I deserved was a chance to prove myself. But then he said something to me, and suddenly I wasn’t so sure I was ready to start thinking about the amateurs either:

“You know, a lot of kids like you, they come in here and they say they want to fight — but they don’t really want to fight, they just want to kick somebody’s ass.”

That shook me more than I’d like to admit. For the rest of the afternoon, I was sort of forced to reconsider why I’d even taken up kickboxing, and whether it was worth pursuing at all. Was I there because I wanted to improve myself as a person and learn an exciting new skill? Or because I had this childish fantasy of beating up bad guys and saving the day using my sick kicks?

For a moment, I even considered quitting and just taking up tennis again.

By Justin Ng, via Unsplash.

As you can probably guess, I didn’t quit. I stayed at that gym for the rest of the year, then practiced kickboxing on and off for another year until I found a gym I was comfortable with again. Turns out martial arts are just fun, and I don’t need to beat anyone up to find them satisfying. Still,

my first coach’s words stuck with me. I still think about them from time to time.

For those of you who’ve been practicing martial arts for a while, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that if you practice martial arts at any sort of serious level, you’re probably already better than 90% of the population at fighting. Nice job! Pat yourself on the back a little bit, you deserve it.

But here’s the bad news: That doesn’t mean you’re going to win. Fighting is volatile and explosive, one mistake and a lucky swing is all it takes to turn an otherwise surefire victory into a disaster, and most people simply aren’t mentally prepared to what it feels like to suffer a catastrophic defeat.

Being beaten by an opponent you’re thoroughly outmatched by isn’t only painful, it’s humiliating — doubly so if it happens in front of your family, loved ones and peers. It’s also scary in a way we’re not conditioned to facing: We’re fortunate enough to live in a society where we our safety is mostly taken for granted, but for every fight you take there’s a serious chance you’ll end up grievously injured.

Even in officially sanctioned bouts, accidents happen. A few unanswered punches and a bad fall to the canvas, or a ground-and-pound that goes on for a bit too long, can be all it takes to cause damage too severe to recover from. I don’t think I need to explain why this risk is magnified tenfold if you decide to pick a fight in the streets.

These accidents are freak outliers, of course, and I’m not trying to discourage anyone form pursuing their passion in martial arts. What I am trying to do is build awareness of the risks you’ll be facing, while also painting a picture of the brutal reality of the sport.

You’re probably going to lose, and it’ll be devastating. The highs of fighting are unmatchable, but the lows are soul crushing.

By Martin Kníže via Unsplash.

Even if you win, you most likely won’t win in the way you’ve imagined you will: We’re not all Canelos or Sylvas, most of us are going to get hit, to get tangled up. It’ll be painful and exhausting. These are the sort of things you need to be ready for before stepping into the ring.

If you’ve already considered all this and you still think you’d like to compete, that’s fantastic. Your passion is admirable and nobody should take it away from you. But if you don’t, there’s no shame in continuing to train without looking for a way to put your skills to practical use. Martial arts are, after all, used to inflict incredible violence upon our fellow humans. That sort of life just isn’t for everyone.

Take care everyone, happy training.

- Eidolon.