The rural advocate says she never wanted the allegation to become public but complaint to National party was leaked within days

Rural advocate Catherine Marriott has spoken out about her allegations of sexual harassment against former deputy prime minister Barnaby Joyce, saying she was “terrified” over what to do about the complaint.

“He was a very popular Ag Minister at that time, and I didn’t … I was … I’m just a little human against a big system, and I was terrified,” Marriott told the 7.30 Report.

Speaking publicly for the first time, Marriott has detailed what happened after the alleged incident, her confidential complaints to the National party and the effect of her public identification.

The complaint was the last straw for the former deputy prime minister and Nationals leader Barnaby Joyce following his return to parliament in a byelection over dual citizenship and revelations of his affair with his press secretary Vikki Campion. He resigned, citing harassment complaints as the “straw that broke the camel’s back”.

Marriott did not describe the incident in detail, saying she did not want to be defined by it but she struggled over whether to make a complaint.

“[After the incident] I walked up to my hotel room and I burst into tears. I then couldn’t sleep that whole night. I didn’t actually sleep for a week.

“I rang two of my closest friends and I told them what had happened, and they said they couldn’t believe … they were just absolutely shocked, and they said, ‘You can’t tell anyone. You cannot tell anyone … you will be destroyed if this comes out’.”

Marriott considered her options as the #MeToo movement unfolded, highlighting sexual harassment across a number of high profile industries. She also drew strength from the words of 14-year-old Dolly Everett, who committed suicide after allegations of bullying.

“She left the world with some really wise words, which were, ‘Speak even if your voice shakes’. And that cut me to the core,” Marriot said.

“I was sort of like, ‘Take a good hard look at yourself. What’s wrong with you, Catherine?’

While it took her time to make the complaint, Marriott rejected suggestions she should have taken the complaint to the police.

“If I went to the police, it’s me versus him, which is a toxic space to be in. It will create no outcome for anyone else. It puts what happened that night on the public record and on top of that, I’m exhausted after eight months.

“I would have had to go through the court system which is two, three, four years long. How much would that cost me?”

Once the complaint was lodged to the WA National party, Marriott said it was leaked within days.

“[The National party] leaked it,” Marriott said. “My name was leaked and that is one of the most frightening things that you will ever have to live through is when you finally.

“Sorry I said I was not going to cry … anyway, you live through – you finally find the courage within yourself to stand up for what you believe in and then all control is taken away.”

In a statement released ahead of the 7.30 Report, Barnaby Joyce denied any allegation of sexual harassment.

“I asked that this be referred to the police if the complainant wished to pursue this issue so I had the capacity to defend myself, as I firmly believe the complaint to be spurious and defamatory,” he said.

“This allegation should have been dealt with immediately [after] the complainant first believed there was an issue they wished to pursue, and the passage of nearly a year and a half since the time of the event to when the allegation was raised has not allowed a clearer determination on this issue.”

Following an eight month internal investigation by the NSW National party (due to Joyce’s membership in the state), Marriott was furious when she was informed that there was “insufficient evidence” to come to a conclusion. The NSW National party would not confirm the findings and kept any details confidential.

But Marriott described the change to the party’s processes for handling complaints as big steps in the right direction”, though she told Guardian Australia there was still “room for improvement with accountability on timeframes”.

Marriott recommended to the Nationals that harassment complaints should be resolved within a month and that an independent, skilled mediator should be involved.

While the party’s harassment policy was updated in August 2018, it states any complaints must be made within one year of the events taking place unless “the complainant can show that there is good reason why the complaint is late”. This could have ruled out Marriott’s complaint.

A spokesman for the NSW National party said: “The NSW Nationals revised Harassment and Discrimination Policy is a comprehensive and efficient framework for the handling of any complaint, and is consistent with policies and regulatory schemes across Australia.”

A spokesman for the Labor party confirmed Marriott had also reached out to the ALP.

“Catherine Marriott has spoken with Labor about her keenness to work with the parliament to develop a policy to protect politicians, staff and public servants from bullying and harassment. We welcome her input and the Coalition should too.”

She called for proper processes for dealing with complaints in political parties, the corporate world and not-for-profit sector. She said harassment was taking a toll on both the workforce, corporate knowledge and the economy.

“If you think about it, 20% of people that have been harassed and handed in a complaint are leaving the work force,” she said. “That is a phenomenal corporate knowledge loss.”

Marriott has garnered support from influential rural women across social media after the inconclusive findings in the case. She will speak at #USTOO with journalist and campaigner Tracey Spicer, an event billed as “Lessons from the leaders in Australia’s crusade against sexual harassment” and organised by the Rural, Regional, Remote Women’s Network of Western Australian.