By Doug Ford

Folks, by now I’m sure you’ve heard that my bill to cut the number of Toronto city councillors in half has passed. And you’ve probably been hearing a lot from said councillors about how “integral” these positions are and how “damaging” a smaller council will be to Toronto.

Well, you can rest easy, because I’m going to let you in on a little secret that they don’t want you to know: being a Toronto city councillor is an absolute nothing job. Take it from me, you literally do nothing. You barely even have to show up!

Folks, I spent four years in the belly of the beast, so I know what I’m talking about. Over the course of my term in city council, I was shocked time and again by how easy it was for a councillor to just fart around and do nothing all goddamn day. You can just sit there at the meetings and not pay attention, and just kind of be a pain in other people’s asses. You can say you’re going to the bathroom and just eff off and go get a sandwich, or even just go home, and they won’t even call to be like “Doug, where are you”!

And that’s just in the council room, what’s it called, the big circle room! The waste only continues when these councillors are turned loose to “serve their constituents.” Take it from a guy on the inside: the only thing they’re up to on the day to day is wasting time, and hanging out at their brother Rob’s photo ops. It’s all just a waste of time that distracts them from the important work of tanking their million dollar family business.

These councillors want you to believe the city will fall apart if they lose their seat on the gravy train but believe you me, nothing you do, or don’t do on city council has any consequences. I missed like half the things I was supposed to vote on and now I’m the Premier. It’s a joke. And did you know that if the Integrity Commission finds that you improperly used your influence for business matters, but by the time they made the ruling I wasn’t on council anymore, you just don’t get in trouble? Disgraceful!

Here’s the hard truth, folks: Toronto city council is nothing but a place to screw around, accumulate influence and political power, and regularly get your name in the paper. And it’s high time for Ontarians to stand up and say “this no longer benefits me, and I don’t need it anymore.”