Nick Offerman believes in good, old-fashioned communication. Especially when it comes handcrafted in solid oak.

The Parks and Recreation actor crafted an artisanal alternative to plain old emoji in a parody infomercial on Conan. Each wooden pictogram measures about a foot in diameter and weighs about 14 pounds. No one said good communication was easy, folks.

Nothing is more American than sending your loved ones a wooden smiley face.