Comedian George Fox returns with a guide to some of the more awkward facets of everyones favourite new way to waste time……. Netflix.

Well, it’s one week on from the launch of Netflix’s video on demand service here in Ireland. We’ve learned alot in that time. Such as how to pretend you’re doing important work on your computer, while actually watching the movie “Spaceballs” and LOVING. EVERY. SECOND.

“Yes, Yes You Are.”

My main issue with Netflix though, is that with such a massive library of titles to choose from, it can be quite daunting trying to find something you might enjoy. But Netflix has thought of this, and so built into the website, is a handy little survey, based on your favourites types of films. You can choose genres, sub genres, themes, years of release, e.t.c.

Indeed, this is a fine idea, as it allows Netflix to specify the types of movies you want to be shown, while also decreasing the amount of times you have to see movies that are crimes against humanity displayed in your “movies you might like” page.

“Truly, There Is No God!”

Some of the options in the survey make perfect sense. While others seem a little more trivial though….

What!? No “Based On A Videogame” OR “Based On A Theme-Park Ride” Category?!

But to be fair, as you go through completing the survey, it does manage to create a good outline of what you do and don’t like.

“Thats Right! FUCK YOU FRANKENSTEIN! I Ain’t Got No Time For You!”

Although at certain points you do feel like Netflix is trying to trick you into answering questions about other topics. Dark topics.

“I NEVER WATCH CHILDREN! But Nice Try Netflix, You Coy Old Dog You!”

The real issues arise though, when Netflix starts to push you on some more, shall we say, sensitive genres. Now suddenly you feel as if your original goal of giving Netflix a true sense of what movies you do and don’t like has been pushed aside. Instead you now feel the need to impress Netflix with your wideranging taste, lest it think you a moral and cultural trogladite. Example:

“Yeah, Thats right netflix, I’m pretty Liberal AND CULTURED. Now, to watch…. The Birdcage? Shiiiiiit.”

So strong was this desire to not seem like a bigot in front of Netflix that it eventually over took my preferances completly, and the rest of the survey was simply an excercise in how level headed I am about everything. EVERYTHING!

“The Great NERD debate. Some say: God made Adam And Eve! NOT Dracula and …..shit, there arent really any famous Zombies or Werewolves, are there? This joke coulda been AWESOME!”

*I purposely REFUSE to use Edward and Jacob from twilight for that bit. Fuck that. I’ll burn this whole joke down before I’d acknowledge them.

Whats even worse, though, is after spending ALL that time filling out the article with the express purpose of not accidentally coming across as a mad, sexist, racist, bigoted arsehole. Netflix decides to hit me with this following page, asking me WHY I’ve decided to not partake in the cinema of the jewish culture. What the fuck Netflix. Couldn’t let that one slide?

Well I’ll tell you why Netflix. Because after clicking on your “Need Some Examples” link to see what titles fall under that category, i was firstly dissappointed that it didnt include a)spaceballs or b) more than one solitary title. The title in question is a documentary following a jewish man hunting war criminals after surviving the holocaust……

THIS IS NETFLIX! I’m going to be watching these films at 4 am after stumbling in hammered drunk and completly exhausted from shouting quotes from “D3: The Mighty Ducks” in the street as I walked home. Thats how I live my Life. You know what I don’t need to see at 4 AM in a drunken stupour? A horrifying explanation of the holocaust and the men that perpetrated it. Because before you know it, I’ll be back out on the streets, knocking on the front door of my elderly german neighbour Hershels’ house, demanding to know what “he did” during the war.

So with that, I wiped my choices from my Netflix “Taste Preferences” survey. Perhaps it will be difficult in the coming weeks to deal with all the movies featuring “Shia lebleurgh” and “Vince*Yawn*Vaughn”. But i guess thats a small price to pay, not to be judged, by the evil hive mind that is…… Netflix.

“Really Netflix? These things are popular together? REALLY!?”

George Fox is a Comedian/ Writer based In Dublin, Ireland. He can be seen performing live at numerous venues across Ireland. Follow him on Twitter or Facebook to find out dates for upcoming shows. He also suffers from nightmares featuring a sentient iTunes……