I rarely talk about race on my blog, but for some reason I just feel the need to say: the way black women express their confidence is not for me to benefit from, is not for me to use as my own. Yes, all women could use more confidence in a world that needlessly puts us down, but white people tagging their selfies with #ghettobitch or #yasqueen is just ignorant. White women (and yes, non-black women in general) using AAVE and black cultural trends to elevate themselves will never feel okay to me.

Black women build up their confidence in response to a very xenophobic and colonial culture. The way they express their confidence is in direct opposition to white supremacy. Their trends do not exist free from the forces that shape and oppress them. Black women’s confidence is a reactionary tool. It is a constant reflection of how black women are treated both by a male-dominated society, and a white society.

It is important to support women and help others feel confident when they’ve been crushed. All women, of all skin tones. But that doesn’t mean every woman’s means of confidence is thrown into a fun little grab bag for white women to use and abuse. When we do that, I think we’re a lot more likely to forget that women of colour experience a very different world than we do, and are up against different forces.

I like quite a few female musicians and artists of colour. They uplift me and help me feel like women can take on anything. Can recover from anything. I aspire to have a strong confidence like they do in their careers, but I don’t imitate them. Their art exists and is molded by phenomena outside of my own realm that I will never personally experience.

Black women who ask you not to imitate their style are not saying you shouldn’t be confident. They’re saying you need to understand the context of their confidence. I really did not understand this for a long time. I am trying to consciously unlearn racism and white-centered feminist ideals and I still have a long way to go.