First off I want to say I’m extremely jealous of Elon Musk. Not the kind of casual jealousy that might be normal coming from a middle class single mother, but the psycho Foxcatcher kind that wants to wear his flesh and walk around pretending to be him. I feel strongly right now like I should say I’m kidding. In reality, I am a little jealous of the model he’s with and I’m fascinated by his ambition, I love his accent and the incredible things he’s doing, but I find the guy a little slow. Is it because he’s a genius and thinking SO much that he has a hard time communicating or is it that he is a robot? My mind goes immediately to robot and this is why:

1. This week he said in an interview that he believes WWIII is coming soon due to AI.

Okaaaaay. The rest of us are still stuck on Trump and North Korea where did you get robot from, ya know? Was this a droidian slip? Has he been communicating with the Hive brain and that’s why he has the inside scoop cause that sounds like some sweet honey. It begs the question if I were a robot and didn’t want anyone to know what would I do? My list mentions a few other things first like shooting orange juice out of my finger (yes, I saw that on electric grandmother) and psyching people out on Disney rides, but I think I would also deflect the attention and point at “other” potential robot sources.

2. He’s never taken an ice bucket challenge.

For awhile every famous person who had money and was into charity took this very challenge. Did you ever see Elon Musk…no. Was it because he would short circuit when introduced to solid water with remnants of water? Hmmmmm.

3. I think I saw his facial features as an option in Skyrim

Other than his hair I’ve seen all of his other features like face shape, eyes, brow shape and neck thickness in the popular Xbox One game so it could be that the template for building him was loosely based or borrowed from popular templates spanning across the digital community. His hair is def from the Sims.

4. He believes in simulationism

Simulationism is just another way to say “I am for sure a robot”.

5. His name is Elon Musk

Other than missing a suffix like 2.0 this is really a robot name. It’s a product name, not a human name. It’s like “Go make yourself comfortable. The Elon Musk is in the closet if you need it. I have my phone if you need me.”

6. He’s concerned about cleaning up the planet

Think about the robots you’ve seen on TV other than the violent ones…most of them are concerned about keeping things clean. Rosie on the Jetsons, WALL-E, that circle vacuum that gets in the corners. I bet Elon Musk would be happy to get in the corners if we let him…violently.

I think we should be worried. Not so worried that you miss work tomorrow, but worried enough that you tell all of your coworkers at work to look up my Medium blog so they can be informed. Let’s all gather here so that I can have millions of views, which, let’s admit is a better strategy than you have right now for dealing with what might quite possibly be a robot apocalypse led by a hot South African entrepeneur.