STORMZY has taken a pop at another ace wordsmith . . . William Shakespeare. He reckons the Bard is just as bad an influence on kids as he is.

The grime superstar, whose album Heavy Is The Head topped the charts last week, has been slammed by North London headteacher Katharine Birbalsingh for “promoting black self-hatred”.

10 Stormzy compared himself to wordsmith William Shakespeare — and here's how such a mash-up might look

In a radio interview, he called Katherine “a troll” and claimed she was ignoring the positive messages in his tracks.

He railed: “You say, ‘Let’s learn about Shakespeare’ but Shakespeare has stories of bloodbath and murder. I always say, ‘I am as positive as Shakespeare, I’m as negative as Shakespeare’.

“Let’s get out his stories now and go through them.

“Romeo And Juliet, bruv, they poisoned . . . I don’t know what criminal act that falls under but that’s not righteous, like poisoning and rivalries, houses . . .

‘Maya has been playing hardball’

10 In the interview, with US radio host Charlamagne Tha God, Stormzy opened up about ex Maya Jama who he split from last year Credit: Splash News

“If we got up Shakespeare stories one by one and went through them . . .

“I might not want my kid to know about Macbeth and all the bloodbaths and the darkness of it.”

In the interview, with US radio host Charlamagne Tha God, Stormzy opened up about ex Maya Jama, who he split from last year.

Last year I told how the rapper had been texting Maya, hoping to bury the hatchet.

Now I can reveal they met for the first time since breaking up in a summit held at her London flat before New Year.

A source told me last night: “Stormzy had been sending Maya lots of text messages and she finally agreed to meet up with him and talk.

“He has made it very clear that he would like to get back with her. But she is playing hardball.

“He is saying all the right things but she wants to see he has changed and that she can trust him again.

“She isn’t going to risk getting hurt a second time. But that said, his efforts haven’t gone unheard and they are now a lot more amicable than they were when their relationship imploded last year.

10 Stormzy is looking to get back with ex Maya, but she's 'playing hardball' Credit: PA:Press Association

“The hate she felt for him at that time is long gone.”

Asked in this week’s interview if they could ever reconcile, Stormzy replied: “I would love for that to happen but I don’t know.

“I would love to be the man who she needs, I would love to do all the things that make this work.

“I want to marry her. I want to have her children.

“I was pacing around my kitchen, I was pacing up and down for days thinking, ‘F*** sake, bruv, this one reckless night . . . you . . . all of those things, brother . . . marriage, kids, the love of my life . . . you have put all of those things at [risk] and now look you probably won’t ever . . . you’ve lost that’. You know what I mean? You’ve lost that.”

Let’s hope for his sake he hasn’t.

READ MORE FROM SIMON BOYLE'S BIZARRE COLUMN

Kim's tiger feat

10 Kim posed in a skintight dress showing a close-up of a big cat in a series of posts on Instagram

KIM KARDASHIAN has the eye of the tiger . . . or she might if she could keep her own peepers open.

The reality star posed in a skintight dress showing a close-up of a big cat in a series of posts on Instagram.

Perhaps she was hoping this roar for attention would send her numbers on social media soaring again.

Kim, who is married to rapper Kanya West, is just behind her half-sister Kylie Jenner when it comes to Instagram followers – with 157million fans to Kylie’s 158million.

With a few more posts like this, maybe Kim will claw her way back to the top.

I vote for an all-out safari theme including lions, elephants and a giraffe or two.

'SI SICK AT SIR DAVID' DAVID WALLIAMS longs to land a knighthood . . . to infuriate his BGT boss Simon Cowell. After getting an OBE in 2017, David now has his sights set even higher. He laughed: “If I was ever knighted, that would destroy Simon. He would have to live in a cave for the rest of his life. He hates me doing well.” David will host the ­National Television Awards later this month, having triumphed over Simon to win Best Judge for Britain’s Got Talent in 2019. They go head to head again this year. As for drama, David added: “I think I’m a bit too posh for EastEnders, but I wouldn’t turn my nose up at a soap offer. I like Corrie. It’s a bit camper. I’d fit in best there.” You can watch the NTAs live on ITV on January 28 from 7.30pm.

No chores on tour, Kelvin

STRICTLY champion Kelvin Fletcher has revealed he was thrilled to get back to ballroom dancing on the show’s tour – to escape his chores at home.

The former Emmerdale actor, who lifted last year’s glitterball trophy with Oti Mabuse, is paired with Janette Manrara for the tour’s 33 arena shows across the UK.

10 Kelvin Fletcher, who lifted last year’s glitterball trophy with Oti Mabuse, is paired with Janette Manrara for the tour’s 33 arena shows across the UK Credit: Getty - Contributor

And in an exclusive interview ahead of last Thursday’s opening night, Kelvin told me the red carpet wasn’t rolled out for his return home after the win.

Kelvin, who has two kids with fellow actor Liz Marsland, said: “I got home and was told to get back to being Dad.

“It was, ‘Change nappies, the house is a bit untidy, you need to do this, you need to do that . . . never mind you’re a Strictly champion, you’re at home now.

“I’m thrilled to be on the tour. The dancers are so lucky that they get to do the show every year.

“I might pitch a ‘returning contestant’ show to the BBC.”

Another highlight of this year’s series was a professional dance routine performed by Johannes Radebe and Graziano Di Prima. And Johannes, who is gay, called for the BBC to go a step further and have two straight men dance together on next year’s series.

He said: “What would be interesting is to see two straight men, like Aljaz Skorjanec and Giovanni Pernice, paired together.

10 Former Corrie star Catherine Tyldesley is on fire - but it might be down to the Deep Heat on her thighs going places it shouldn't Credit: Getty Images - Getty

“Because two men, just like a man and a woman, can dance without it being sexual. But if I was paired with a male celebrity next year… Honey, I’m ready.”

Johannes struck up a close friendship last year with his dance partner, former Corrie star Catherine Tyldesley, which is lucky because things got a little awkward during rehearsals.

Cath revealed: “I put Deep Heat on my thighs. It was fine until I went to the bathroom and pulled my trousers up.

“We started dancing, and I was like, ‘Everything’s a bit fresh... .’ It turns out Deep Heat was in places it shouldn’t have been.”

One word. Ouch!

The Strictly Come Dancing UK arena tour runs until February 9. See strictlycomedancinglive.com.

THIS MORNING LIVE AXED PHILLIP SCHOFIELD and Holly Willoughby have ­suffered another blow – after bosses decided to axe their annual This Morning Live ­exhibition. Sources say the extravaganza, which was held at the NEC in Birmingham, was dropped after failing to make as much money as had been hoped. And This Morning host Phil is said to be particularly unhappy about the decision. A source said: “Both Phil and Holly really enjoyed taking part in TM Live and were sorry to hear that it wouldn’t be ­happening this year.” Event organisers Media 10 said: “After three successful years at the Birmingham NEC with This Morning Live, we are looking at new opportunities.”

More Eeyore than Dior, Vic

10 David, Victoria and Brooklyn Beckham join Kate Moss and daughter Lila for some catwalk misery in Paris Credit: BackGrid

FRONT-ROW seats at a Paris fashion show would be a dream come true for some of us but clearly no one has told this miserable lot.

Even with the best seats in the house at this week’s Dior Homme show, Victoria and Brooklyn Beckham, Kate Moss and her daughter Lila, top, look like they’re waiting for dental surgery.

Only Victoria’s husband David attempted a smile as the show began.

Kate and Lila seemed happier posing for photos later, below, but Vic and David were stony-faced again. If it’s really so painful guys, feel free to forward me your invites next year.

10 Kate and Lila managed to raise a smile later on Credit: Getty Images - Getty

10 Victoria looking underwhelmed

CARA: I'M BORN TO BE WILD CARA DELEVINGNE says she is happiest ­“outside, climbing and naked”. The model, who appears on Running Wild With Bear Grylls next month, opened up about her love of nature on the show, saying: “I prefer to be outside, climbing and naked (rather than) indoors and clothed. Outdoor spaces, the wild and nature is the most important thing in the entire world for my sanity. “If you go into the forest and sit with your thoughts and feelings, everything becomes clear. I was in the woods by myself and I took off my clothes and sat there, not to prove anything but because I was so comfortable. I cried and cried. You feel so un-judged and comfortable.” Cara – who gutted and ate a rat for the BBC ­programme – also mused on fame. She said: “Success doesn’t solve anything. “You’re more alone but should be more happy. I had no sense of who I was. Sitting with Bear made me realise just how much I have grown up and how strong I am.”

MOST READ IN BIZARRE Exclusive MEL HELL 'Cheating' nanny helps Mel B's ex buy £1m pad while she lives in bungalow with mum Exclusive NOT THE END Rita Simons finds love with co-star weeks after revealing marriage split NOT NORMAL Normal People's Paul Mescal reveals hilarious truth behind THOSE sex scenes Exclusive WRECKING BAWL Miley Cyrus says she faked things in the bedroom on new song aimed at ex Liam Exclusive FEAR THE AXE Eamonn Holmes & Ruth Langsford fear This Morning AXE amid ITV diversity drive LINEKER'S STRIKING Gary Lineker's niece Tia looks sensational in skimpy beaded bikini Exclusive RETELL YOU WHAT I WANT Spice Girls to reboot Wannabe on 25th anniversary but 'without Posh' Exclusive PHIL HER BOOTS Phil Schofield to share £9m fortune with wife to avoid bitter split like Ant Exclusive KERCHING OF THE CASTLE I’m A Celeb spends millions to transform derelict castle into TV set Exclusive BANNED OF BROTHERS The Jonas Brothers ditch release of memoir Blood after multiple delays

Flo's top(less) gong nod

10 Florence celebrated her Academy nod with an Instagram shot of herself with just avocado emojis covering her nipples Credit: instagram.com/florencepugh

FLORENCE PUGH has opened up about the moment she learned of her Oscar nomination for Little Women, which saw her screaming out loud.

The actress celebrated her Academy nod with an Instagram shot of herself on the phone in bed, with just avocado emojis covering her nipples.

She said: “I screamed when I found out and, yes, I needed the emojis to cover my dignity.”

Florence, who played Amy March in the Greta Gerwig film, admitted it was daunting recreating such a huge literary classic. But sharing fast-food with co-star Meryl Streep helped rid her of her nerves.

Florence said: “I got to play Meryl’s favourite, so that was fun. Filming scenes with her was incredible. We ate fast food together, which was almost as wonderful as acting with her.

“She had such a strong opinion about the film and feminist message.”

Strictly's Kelvin Fletcher rules out Emmerdale return