Ernest Sweetblood suspected something was a little off when his huge daddy tried to touch him when he was just six years old. Nevertheless, he lived a relatively normal life among other humans.

It wasn't until he bumped into the devilishly booty-shaking vampire, Marian Nightshake, that his life finally began to make sense.

However, Marian proved to be a beast and seemed to have an unhealthy obsession with twerking. Ernest soon learnt that Marian had taken an oath never to blow a human being.

When Ernest's huge daddy is injured in an erotic asphyxiation accident, Ernest realises his own life is at risk.

Despite Marian's ponytail and thick booty, Ernest finds himself falling for the vampire. Only fate will decided whether she kills or protects him.

One night, a Jehovah's Witness appears before Ernest and warns him of a darkness within Marian. The Jehovah's Witness gives Ernest the doubleheaded stake - the only weapon that can defeat a booty-shaking vampire.

Will Ernest find it in himself to kill the only creature who has ever made him feel truly blessed? (Hint: yes!)