Let's face it: the Old Testament God was a deity who really needed to rip the amphetamine drip out of his celestial arm. Although the New Testament gave us a kinder, gentler God with a bellyful of butterflies who only wants humanity to surround him in one big group hug, the Old Testament God comes across as a guy who'd sooner kill you than look at you. In his capacity for inflicting cataclysmic acts of murderous violence upon the soft, helpless animals in his charge, the Old Testament God is best compared to a pre-pubescent psychopath with an ant farm.

Proof? The above graph, comparing God's Bronson-esque kill count in the Old Testament versus the Biblical Personification of Evil, Satan. Please note that God's kill count is 227,037% higher than Satan's. These numbers do not include women and children, so it's possible that Satan made up some of the slack punt-kicking Jewish children into the Dead Sea, but I tend to doubt it. That's a pretty commanding lead on Jehovah's part. Satan coming back from that would be like the Generals coming back against the Harlem Globetrotters in the last minutes of the 4th.

How Many Has God Killed? [Dwindling in Unbelief] (via Cynical-C)