As your body becomes bloated with holiday weight this winter, it might be time to step up your game…with your face. Here’s some makeup to help you look fuckable this season (but not too fuckable):

The Sexy Cat Eye

Smearing black gunk on your eyelids will always make you more fuckable, but Meow-Wowing your face with a simple, sexy cat eye tells his brain I’m only DTF when I feel like it. This little trick gets men interested without you having post anonymous requests for sex on Craigslist (not that you’ve ever had to do that).

Highlight Your Cheekbones

Is that makeup powder, or a ton of blow? Keep him guessing with highlighting around your nose and cheeks that screams, “I like my to live my life on the wild side, maybe.” Nothing says, “I may have gone to the ER for improper use of anal implements but maybe it was just stomach flu,” like the classic, ambiguously coked-up look.

“Infinity” Lipstick

Save your money this winter by skipping expensive, everlasting lipstick, and just apply your lipstick at all times! This implies that you’re quietly nervous and looking to do something with your hands – or it might hint that you love oral stimulation! Fingers crossed he’ll suggest you go down on him in a semi-public place.

Remember, if it’s his idea, its sexy; if it’s your idea, its slutty!