Buongiorno, today is the day the Premier League announces its assault on Serie A with several clubs readying a war chest to sign the Italian league’s best talents. Apparently.

First off: so much for a one club man. Francesco Totti of Roma might soon become Francesco Totti of Leicester City if reports emanating from Italy are to be believed. The striker, who has so often said he will only ever play for his hometown Serie A club (because that means something – Mill Ed), is eyeing up a move to the Premier League leaders after falling out with the giallorossi head coach, Luciano Spalletti.

The row surrounds an interview given by Totti last week in which he aired grievances about Spalletti not talking to him enough. Naturally the veteran striker irked the coach and he was booted out of the squad for last weekend’s trouncing of Palermo, forced to watch from the posh seats. A move to the east midlands makes sense of course, what with Leicester’s rapid counterattacking game – a style that would obviously suit a player who will be 40 in September and is incapable of sprinting. Then you have the moderately important fact that in Ranieri’s latter days as Roma manager he left Totti on the bench due to him not being mobile enough. That was five years ago, so draw your own conclusions.

Not satisfied with a night of coefficient busting, Tottenham now want to lure one of Serie A’s best attackers to north London. Napoli’s Lorenzo Insigne, valued at around £18m, is being lined up to bolster their attacking options next season with a small caveat – for Daniel Levy to sanction the move, they must be in the Champions League.

With Italy’s head coach, Antonio Conte, in advanced talks over the Chelsea job, last season’s Premier League champions are prepared to spend £30m on Milan defender Alessio Romagnoli having subsequently realised that money can’t buy you Stones. Arsenal had also been interested in signing Romagnoli – dubbed the new Alessandro Nesta on the basis that he is a centre-half for the rossoneri – but Conte is keen on the 21-year-old.

Arsenal and Chelsea are also set to battle each other for Gonzalo Higuaín with the Napoli head coach, Maurizio Sarri, conceding lucrative offers will be made to take the Argentina striker away from the San Paolo. “I think that for a striker like that will come many more requests, not only by these two clubs” Sarri said.

And after scoring twice on debut to defeat a team wearing stock kits from an advert on the back of a magazine, Manchester United’s Marcus Rashford has been linked with a host of clubs that possess a genuine chance of winning a trophy. Pione Sisto, who gave Midtjylland an unlikely lead at Old Trafford, is already eyeing a break from joy-sucking expected goals per game ratios and chance creation models because football is meant to be fun and not about maths.