A light fog drifts across the Red Cedar. Dusk creeps its way over the horizon. Michigan State’s Official Live Action Role Play Club prepares to draw a close on their weekly meeting. But wait, what bellows yonder hilltop crest? Can it be? Nay.

LARP Club President, The Honorable Kevin Owens, silences the crowd. “Listen…” he beckons to the east. A vile, rotting smell fills the air. Nostrils flair as the stench intensifies. The clanging of armor and the snarling of some unseen enemy suspends the dulcet quietude of East Lansing.

“Gentleman, m’ladies, ye of noble lineage and land owners abound, prepare for battle,” Owens whispered, not knowing what to expect. The LARP club members look around at each other, dismayed. Role playing has never been so real.

Knights, knaves, and necromancers alike, all grab their weapons. Some reach for swords, others, with no other options, grab their prop brooms and pitchforks. Children scatter, frantic to find the solace of their mother’s bosom. Dogs, cats, and chickens hide for fear of what’s to come.

The sun says its farewell and dips beyond the ethereal line of nothingness. Darkness befalls the humble dramatized kingdom. The noble leaders of the club prepare for the worst.

With torches lit, the LARP club waits anxiously as the deafening clamor approaches. Slowly. Edging over the hill. Their suspicions are confirmed as the first glimmer of steel and green flesh emerges over the ridge. Orcs!

King Kevin, rallies his soldiers. They line the entrance of their medieval foyer. Some men shake in their boots, others are resolute as stone, and even more of them are just plain stoned. King Kevin mounts his real-life horse that the Equestrian Club let him borrow. He recites his speech that he’s had planned for months.

“I say with woe that many a valiant fighter will not return in one piece. Have no allusions about what is to come. Bathed in the blood of your enemy, you will stride confidently through the gates of Heaven, and be welcomed with open arms–”

He is cut off by one member who reminds him that the LARP club is made up of many diverse people, all with different backgrounds and religious affiliations. Saying Heaven is not politically correct in this day and age.

The Orcs close in. With no time to restart his speech, King Kevin charges into battle. His troops follow close behind, slightly offended by his speech, but still close behind. The torches and swords of the Orcs shimmer in the moon light. A thick fog veils their true numbers. Both forces plunge headlong into each other.

The morning aftermath discovered by the MSU Campus Grounds Crew, confused and startled local authorities. What appeared to be an all-out brawl between the LARP Club and the MSU Marching Band, is now being called the biggest act of cross-club violence on any college campus.

Fake swords and shields were found strewn about a graveyard of musical instruments. Bodies lined the field, where witnesses claimed to have watched the nerdiest fight to ever grace MSU’s campus. No survivors were left to testify. R.I.P.