JREF Swift Blog

Enemy Territory

On a recent trip to Sedona, I decided to feign naiveté and enter a few shops in the guise of an open-minded seeker of knowledge. (Wait, I really do try to be that! Guise not needed!) I was prepared to have my worldview changed completely based on what I was told and what happened. I simply would keep my opinion to myself.

I have a friend who has a serious heart condition. It is as yet undiagnosed, and it causes considerable discomfort. Many of the shops in Sedona sell crystals which are supposed to solve health problems such as these, so I presented my case to the shop owners and asked for help. It went like this:

ME: Hello, can you help me? I have a friend who's suffering from a heart condition, and I'd like to see if crystals could help.

CRYSTAL MERCHANT: Oh yes, they're excellent for that. Crystals are very powerful, and don't have the side effects of pharmaceuticals.

ME: What should I buy?

CRYSTAL MERCHANT: Let me consult a book.

She pulled out a large tome called The Crystal Bible. I could see that it was simply a matter of looking up the word "heart" in the index. She took out a notepad and wrote down the names of twelve different crystals.

CRYSTAL MERCHANT: This one is for heart problems... this one is for.. um.. problems of the heart, yes. This one is for issues with the heart chakra. (pause) There are different approaches, but they won't interfere with each other so it's safe.

She sped around the large store, collecting specimens and putting them into a tray like a fine chocolatier. Every once in a while, she'd refer back to the book, and apologize for not having some rare gem or other.

ME: Wow, that's a lot of stones. So what do I do with them? Should I just give them to my friend?

CRYSTAL MERCHANT: The best thing to do is hang them in a pouch from her neck, so that it hangs close to her chest. (She pointed between her breasts.) The pouches are over there.

ME: Wow, lots of colors. What's the best color for healing the heart?

CRYSTAL MERCHANT: Green, definitely. Here, this is a good one.

She grabbed a pouch, which looked hastily sewn out of cheap-looking cloth and attempted to fit all the stones in. It was a considerable pile at this point, and even with her swapping samples for smaller specimens, she coudn't make them fit.

CRYSTAL MERCHANT: Well, what if you just replaced some stones each day?

ME: Will that be OK?

CRYSTAL MERCHANT: Oh yes, crystals are very forgiving. Their effects last a long time, so wearing one for even a day should have an effect even if they're removed.

ME: OK.

At this point, there was a considerable pile of stones on the counter, weighing as much as a pound. I imagined my friend complaining of neck straining from wearing this thing, but didn't mention it lest crystals for healing necks be added.

ME: So, how much do these cost?

I really didn't think much about cost yet. There were relatively small stones, semi-precious at best. How much could they be?

CRYSTAL MERCHANT: (using calculator) Looks like about $472. Oh, and $2.50 for the pouch.

You get a free pouch for a $10 pendant at most jewelers. Apparently the special green bag of +2 heart-healing demands more than charity will allow.

ME: Wow, that's a lot. The last cardiologist appointment was only $85. Do you think I could just get a few and trying them out?

CRYSTAL MERCHANT: Well sure, that is a lot. The more the better, of course, but you could start with a few and get more later.

I picked through the stones and picked a few of the cheapest ones and one expensive one. The total ended up being about $55. Before you chastise me for giving money to one of these stores, I consider this research. Yeah, she makes profit on what is probably woo woo, but I had to follow the process to see how it worked.

And I did. I took the bag of stones and gave them to my friend, who wore them just as directed. There was no noticeable immediate effect, but two days later something definitely changed: the condition got worse, with new symptoms. When the stones were removed, the condition remained worse.

Is this proof the stones were actually causing heart problems? Of course not. It's just correlation, and there's no reason to assume causation. And if I complained that the stones didn't work, it would be pointed out that I didn't actually buy all the recommended ones. There is no way to use the results in any useful way. However, if the heart improved, you can be sure crystal aficionados would be claiming success. Funny how it only works one way.

So what did I learn from this experience? Not a lot directly, but I did gather some new knowledge. Most interesting to me was that a person who runs a crystal store (they sold amber by the way, which is not a crystal) had to look in a book to find the right stones to treat a very common ailment. And having done so, she recommended EVERY ONE mentioned in the book. Some of the individual stones were as much as $70. There is clearly money to be made in rocks.

I was also surprised that no discount was offered, and that even the bag was charged for. Most small merchants will offer these things if a good customer (one that spends significant money) shows up. Crystal healers ostensibly try heal people and generate good karma in the world, but this store seemed much more dedicated to making money. I have no problem with that, by the way, but it needs to be pointed out.

Another interesting thing: there was a different feel to the New Age shops—a less friendly, more distrusting atmosphere. I went to five or six of these shops, and they all had the same sign: "You break it, you buy it." Not an uncommon sign, but I only saw them in the New Age stores, and never in the other gift shops that had similarly fragile merchandise. I looked. Sure, I'm a skeptic so maybe I was just uncomfortable in "enemy territory," but a thought occurred to me: could it be that fraudulent people are less trusting, and take precautions against strangers in the assumption that they're the same? Just speculation, but interesting.

So yes, I've tried crystals. They didn't do any good. Maybe I did it wrong, maybe not, but regardless, I sure wouldn't recommend them to anyone else. They are pretty though, and the bag of crystals is currently part of a "pirate treasure," so at least it wasn't a total waste. In the meantime, I'm hoping the cardiologists can help my friend.