TORRANCE, CA—Touting the vehicle as the best in its class for preventing the gruesome demise of offspring, a commercial for the 2018 Honda City that premiered Monday openly tells viewers that their kids will die in a car crash if they buy a different brand. “With Honda, you can rest easy knowing your son or daughter won’t be hurled through the windshield and splattered on the side of the road,” says a narrator during the 30-second ad spot, describing the SUV’s safety features such as the Lane Keeping Assist System and Adaptive Cruise Control over footage of competitor vehicles being engulfed in flames and careening over bridges with the terrified faces of middle schoolers pressed against the windows. “We’re continuing to develop new technologies to ensure you’ll get to see Billy or Jessica graduate from college instead of lying awake every night cursing yourself for risking your little angels’ safety with some poorly made death trap. That’s why the Insurance Institute For Highway Safety named us as a Top Safety Pick for 2017.” The ad reportedly concludes with the manufacturer’s new slogan, “Honda: Never settle for pulling your child’s charred corpse from a twisted hunk of steel.”

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