The Boy Who Became a Pervy Old Man

When I was a boy I used to see these dirty old perverts and I’d say to myself man that’s cool, and I wanted to be one of those perverts. In high school the closest I could get was a wispy perv-stache and AmberVision glasses. I grew my hair longer and longer waiting for it to fall out. I would look in the mirror at myself and I could see the beginnings of what I would look like bald with a curtain of stringy, greasy yellowed hair. One day I looked in the mirror and looking back at me was the pervy old man I always dreamt of becoming.

There I was in all my pervy old glory, my dingy white hair hung past my greasy collar, with dark brown tobacco stained fingers ending in long curved nails, and glistening white beard stubble poked through the crusty flakes and scabs covering my face like one thousand tulips of spring pushing through last autumn’s wet leaves.

I was magnificent !

Excerpt from the lastest novel by the 6th grade author known only as Bixby entitled “Tonsilith: One Young Man’s Journey Into Decay” soon to be published by Anchor Books Division of Random House.