A "No Catcall Zone" sign installed in New York for End Street Harassment Week. A few metres on and the next one was upon me, standing in my path. "I hear blondes have more fun." Something in me snapped. I told him it was incredibly sexist. I swore. I was furious. But my reaction to yesterday's incident was not just about irritating chuggers. It was a fury with a deep history. And most women have felt it.

It's a fury that comes from decades of unwanted advances from men we don't know. It comes from having guys demand we smile as we walk down the street. It comes from being told to "lighten up" when we're on the receiving end of casual sexual innuendo. Or from being told we should view wolf whistles or car horns as compliments affirming our attractiveness It's not flattering. At best it's infuriating. At worst it's frightening. If clipboard man stood in isolation, perhaps I would have laughed off his comments as a clumsy approach from a young backpacker trying to earn a living. But what he wouldn't have known is that in that moment I was brought back to all the times strange men have made me feel uncomfortable or unsafe while going about my business, often during broad daylight. It reminded me of the man in a suit driving a sports car who gave me the tongue gesture as I crossed the road near my home. Or the pack of tradies on their lunchbreak swapping comments on the shape of my body as I hurried past. Then there was the genius who leaned out of his ute with a megaphone – implying a degree of preparedness that is quite terrifying – and bellowed "suck my c**k", as I went for a run at 9:30 on a Saturday morning.

Street harassment is an all too frequent reality for women. A survey of more than 1400 women commissioned by the Australia Institute this year showed 87 per cent of had experienced at least one form of verbal or physical street harassment. Exercising is often when we are at our most vulnerable. When I detailed the megaphone incident on Facebook last year, countless female friends shared their own experiences of being harassed when working out. As one friend said: "I was on my bike yesterday and a guy leaned out of a car window and made a bizarre noise at me. What bothers me most is that in a few years I'll have to start answering my daughter's questions about why, when women/girls walk down the street, they endure weird noises, threats, insults, inducements and commands to smile, while boys/men can walk largely in ignorant, silent bliss." Of women who have experienced street harassment, 56 per cent were alone at the time and 87 per cent had changed their behaviour in at least one way to ensure their personal safety in the past 12 months. Last year, Hollaback, an American anti-street-harassment advocacy group, released a public service announcement showing a woman wearing a hidden camera being approached by men more than 100 times as she walked the streets of New York.

We make judgment calls to protect ourselves on a regular basis. Like the time I stood on my own, waiting for a cab in the dark, and chose not to engage the drunk footy fan with a pack of his mates yelling about my "nice boots". When I turned my head and three times ignored him, he hollered back, "F***ing slut." This delicate, nerve-jangling dance – trying not to enrage the strange man who has forced himself into our space while at the same time not offering encouragement – is familiar to most women. We recognised it when we watched the bone-chilling CCTV footage of Jill Meagher being approached by her killer, Adrian Bayley, on Sydney Road shortly before her rape and murder. These are the thoughts never far from the surface when men on the street offer us "compliments" and expect us to be grateful for the attention. Many believe they are doing so innocently. They're "just being friendly". But if you are one of the "good guys" who condemns violence against women and prides himself on being nice to his mum, ask yourself how are we meant to know the difference between you and the man who would do us harm?

That's not to say men should never approach women they don't know with a compliment or an introduction. But if she ignores or rejects the advance, respect her choice. She may not be interested. She may be worn down by unwanted approaches. She may simply be scared. Try to imagine what it's like to not be able to exercise on a hot day without being leered at or have some idiot holler at you from a moving vehicle. Before you beep that horn or ask us to "cheer up", or declare that "blondes have more fun", think about what's gone before. Don't be that guy. Don't let your mate be that guy. That's how you can make a difference. Jill Stark is an Age writer. Follow Jill on Twitter