In other words, it is wrong to limit deep-water drilling opportunities to companies that can afford to pay restitution if they screw up. Because there will be no more screwing up. We have decided.

Representative Joe Barton, a Republican of Texas, has a crush on the oil industry of a size that’s seldom been equaled outside of “High School Musical.” Last year in a committee hearing, Barton attempted to show up Energy Secretary Steven Chu by suddenly asking him to explain, as briefly as possible, “How did all the oil and gas get to Alaska and under the Arctic ocean?”

While the startled Chu started to talk about shifting tectonic plates, Barton beamed smugly. “I seem to have baffled the Energy Sec with basic question: where does oil come from?” he twittered.

This week, Barton became the star of another hearing, which was convened to grill Tony Hayward, the chief executive of BP. The rosy-cheeked Englishman had the kind of dopey sullenness you might find in an underachieving student at the Hogwarts detention room. But Barton seemed smitten, and he apologized to BP for the president’s “shakedown” of the company for a $20 billion fund to compensate the people of the gulf for the effects of the spill. This is perhaps not the stupidest remark any elected official has ever blurted out, but possibly the dumbest that ever came in the form of a prepared statement.

Every Democrat in Washington did the happy dance. The party could not point out too often that if the Republicans took control of the House, Barton would be leader of the House energy committee.

The House Republican leadership was terrified that people would sense Barton wasn’t the only member of the party who loathed the president’s BP coup. Using all the strong-arm tactics they failed to employ with the congressman who yelled “You lie!” during the State of the Union address, they pried a sort of retraction out of Barton.

The first effort fell short. But, finally, the office of the minority leader, John Boehner, sent forth a version in which Barton apologized for the apology, as well as for the use of the term “shakedown.” Which is kind of funny because “shakedown” is exactly the word that the Republican Study Committee used to denounce Obama’s deal right after it was announced.

But the Republican leadership has a dream that they never agreed with anything that Barton said. They hatehatehate BP. Also, they are hoping that Miley Cyrus moves to their hometown and becomes their best friend.