“One woman told me that while she loves her kids and would never unwish their existence now that they’re here, if she had known what parenthood was like before she had kids, she wouldn’t have done it.”-Kryptogal on Opensalon.com

I played Trivial Pursuit the other day, and I had to pick one out of four answers. I did, of course, pick the wrong answer and was REALLY bummed out because I really, really thought it would be the right one! I think this is how a lot of people go into parenthood…hoping and believing it will be a foray that it doesn’t quite end up turning out to be.

The truth is, you could spend all your time TRYING to shape your little one into who/what you want to be but history itself shows that people will be who THEY want to be. Look at freakish Mormon Marie Osmond who wanted to raise her 6 kids to be Mormons just like her and all the Mormons in Utah. What did she end up with? A lesbian daughter and a son who committed suicide. I’m sure she wished she had never adopted them, but TOO late, Marie…too late.

“I find the idea of living with someone who masturbates all over your house, openly disrespects you, lies to your face, and eats all your food (i.e. a teenager) distasteful.”

You never know if you’re going to get a good kid or a bad apple. It’s pretty much 50/50. There are some gems out there. You know ’em…maybe it’s the neighbours kid, your adorable little niece or the child of a co-worker at your job. But what if YOU had kids? What they turn out just like that sweet angel? Who knows? Your best bet would be to kidnap your neighbour’s boy…but I don’t advise on it. Charles Manson’s kids didn’t grow up murdering and slashing people because their father is a pseudo psycho but I’m sure Manson’s mother didn’t anticipate raising a freak-zoid slayer either.

“Human society could very well be worse in the future, and there are too many humans.”

Times are a’changing and kids these days are pot-head, self-centered and vainglorious bastards in ways WE (yes…people of the 70s and 80s) cannot even fathom! You can bring a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink. Even if it is a horse that has been organically fed and has been well brought up. Children are desensitized on a very dangerous level; they are apathetic and callous to the world’s woes. Comedies, movies, TV shows, video games are making Blacks, slavery, poverty, immigrants and the Holocaust the brunt of their jokes have led kids today to think casually of some of the world’s most tragic incidents. Social media has kids holed up in their own bubbles. They’ll definitely go to Africa to gain perspective but bet your little buttons they will only be Tweeting about it. I just got out of my teens, and the next wave of kids behind me are tech-savvier than Steve Jobs, more indifferent than a general and more narcissistic than Paris Hilton. It’s going to be a HELL of a ride raising them, even if it’s cute to put them in flower dresses and little bonnets while they’re still sucking their thumbs.

“Here’s the way I see it: having a child is like having an arranged marriage with a person you won’t meet until your wedding day. And then you can never get divorced. Your spouse could be tall or short, kind or mean, mentally or physically disabled, funny or humorless, ugly or pretty, lazy or energetic, smart or dull – you won’t know until it’s too late. And you will be 100% responsible for your spouse’s emotional, physical, intellectual, and financial well-being for the rest of your life. If your spouse has problems – say, he/she is an alcoholic or autistic – you will be blamed. You will worry about your spouse and feel guilty about your spouse without cease.”

On the flip side, you could have the most perfect child. He/she could be considered the most beautiful child. As the kid grows, it proves to be emotionally stable, very intelligence, socially graceful, loving and respectful, empathetic and darling. Perhaps your child will be the person who makes flying cars all the rage, or he becomes the next Justin Bieber. Kids DO have potential after all. All the sacrifices and the money, the loss of sleep and sex could be worth it. It would be a pay off to have a functional, cool adult who cares about more than just MTV and beer. Some people are disenchanted with the idea of motherhood and then go and produce stunning kids. All of the great leaders and artists of time have had to be born to someone. But…it’s a gamble. You could be pissed off with the first kid, and hope your second one isn’t such a dope..only to find yourself doubly miserable. It’s really only up to you if you want to take the risk.