WASHINGTON—After it was discovered that hundreds of thousands of the state-sanctioned radar systems had short circuited, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention issued a recall of the flu vaccine Friday due to defective government tracking microchips. “In response to reports that devices planted in the serum were not properly monitoring Americans movements at all times, we have decided to pull all flu vaccines from pharmacies and clinics,” said CDC director Robert R. Redfield, explaining that anyone who received a vaccine within the last 5 years had likely been given a malfunctioning location-detecting chip and would be offered a replacement free of charge. “We apologize for the mistake and are doing everything within our power to make sure that Americans are safe, healthy, and meticulously followed and observed as they go about their daily lives.” Redfield added that Americans could rest assured that the autism microchip was still working perfectly.

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