Hey guys.

So this is the big article you’ve been waiting for. Don’t get your hopes up. That way you can’t be disappointed, only impressed.

Basically, I’ve been talking to people, over the internet, trying to find out there personal experiences and reasons for coming out of the ‘broom closet’ (which is a really horrible expression that I can’t stand but I’m yet to think of anything better..)

Anyway, as I said, I’ve been trawling the internet for all the first-hand accounts I could get. One realisation I did make; Reddit is amazing. I tried about 6 different, well known sites, whose names I won’t mention because I don’t think I could write the word ‘shit’ that many times without a few complaints, and the only people that got back to me were those at r/Wicca. So this is all for them.

Just a quick note, I haven’t changed any of the stories at all, they are as I found them.

When people come out, they often think the worst and more often than not, the reaction they get is mostly positive, take for instance Ursacrucible ‘s story:

‘My parents were pretty open minded, raised us as Christians but as it was already a culturally diverse household, it was pretty easy for them to accommodate me. I started when I was ten and announced myself as Wiccan when I was twelve. They even defended me from some of their more devote, extreme Christians. I knew they kept up with the books I read and understood the religion, and trusted my judgement as they raised me to use my brain and listen to my heart. Im quoting that last bit. My family kicks ass.’

Some people have a lot going on in their own personal lives. Each person has their own experiences and stories to tell, and this can effect a person’s belief system, giving them very strong reasons for believing in something. This can help someone come out to family as Fierrascarlett experienced.

‘When I was very little, my dad was trying to get full custody from my crazy mother who had a drug/alcohol problem. I remember going to sleep at night in the attic of her house and being scared beyond anything. I was four when my dad finally got custody, but I remember curling up in a chair under the one window in the attic and sitting in a woman’s lap in the moonlight. It still gives me chills.

As I got older, I started wondering who/what it was that comforted me, since it was definitely not my mother. I did research, studied a lot of different religions, and found Wicca. I was about 14 when I finally embraced it and I was the only person in my school at the time that even knew what it was. My grandmother wasn’t very happy about it, but my dad talked to me. He accepted it. My grandmother started to understand a little bit more through the help of my uncle, and once she realized it wasn’t a teenage fad she came to accept it. Now she calls me up on the solstice and asks me what I’m up to.

I’ve been really lucky with how my family has accepted my beliefs. I’m 26 now, and my stepmother recently approached me about it, asking me if I really don’t believe in God (Christian). I had to explain it to her and she still doesn’t understand it. It made me sad that I’ve had such an easy time up until now.

I’ve never really been open to talking about religion in certain circumstances, but it’s always interesting to see how people will react when they find out through gossip or conversation. About two months in to my current job I found out that my one co-worker is also Wiccan. We became pretty fast friends and have been ever since.’

There are times at which people look to Wicca, as most do to other religions and belief systems, as something or someone to call upon, to quote Paul McCartney; when they find themselves in times of trouble. Now some people may use it as a way to find answers, or some just want something to believe in to help them get through. LadyGentleman’s story shows how Wicca helped to get them out of their emotional slump.

‘Put it this way, It was easier than coming out of the traditional closet. I was a hardcore atheist before discovering Wicca, but I wasn’t very happy. I’m not going to say that my melancholy was caused by lack of religion, but Wicca certainly helped pull me out of my slump. I discovered it when I read a book about a guy who went religion shopping, and one of the faiths was Wicca. I loved everything about it. I felt that I had found what I was missing. I told my parents a few days later. My father was just really happy I was connecting with my spiritual side. (He’s a nonspecific neopagan.) My mother just thought it was a stunt for attention. Could have been worse!’

It seems that a lot of people are worried to come out as a Wiccan, or Pagan or any of the New Age spiritual paths because of the misconceptions that people have. When some people hear the word ‘Wicca’ they think ‘Devil Worship’ and when they hear the word ‘Witch’ they think ‘Oh-no-they’re-going-to-burn-me-at-the-stake-and-turn-my-Aunt-into-a-frog’. Misconceptions are horrible things, but if you talk with your family you often find that after you explain what Wicca is, things tend to turn out for the best, as gurumand found:

‘I came out to my friends before I came out to my family. With my friends it was pretty easy because most of them were like-minded. There are, however, still some friends I have that know, but we don’t ever discuss it. With my family, I came out to my sister first, just during some random conversation about religion and belief. She’s an atheist (one of those really proud to be atheists too), so she was fine with it. With my parents I came out slowly, first bringing things like tarot and a crystal ball home, a book about moon magic and candles, and put them around my room. Being raised Catholic (but one of those Christmas and Easter Catholics), no one ever mentioned them. When I moved out, I began going to a Wiccan study group and I called it my “New Age” group. “New Age” eventually became “Pagan”. My mom confessed she hated the word “Pagan” and we had a deep discussion about what it really meant and her misconceptions about its meaning. It wasn’t until years later that I finally started using “Wiccan” to describe myself. (which my friends and I affectionately referred to as the “W-bomb”) It’s funny, she never really had a problem with my lifestyle, it was the words that bothered her. Over the years I’ve been able to educate her and my sister, who teaches world religion at a highschool level, has also talked to her about what it is and means. The really funny thing is that I’m also bisexual, but have never come out of that closet to my family. Knowing my mother, religion was the easier bridge to cross’

Sometimes, the misconception can be slightly funny. Ignorant, but funny. Look, if we don’t laugh, no one will, then where will we be? This is BranCerddorion’s story.

‘A few years back, I was trying to figure out the best way to come out of the broom closet with my brother, so the first thing I told him was that i was reading a book about Wicca. He just nodded and said, “Cool.” the problems arose when he told his girlfriend. She said to my brother “They worship the devil.” I laughed when my brother told me this.

Then, his girlfriend asked my dad, a conservative Christian, if he knew anything about paganism, and somehow that led him to realize I was interested in paganism. He’s confronted me a few times on the topic, but he’s given up since. My mom took the news a lot easier, because I told her up front, and she just said, “whatever makes you happy!” ‘

At this point, I would like to point out that I have copied and pasted all of the messages I have with these stories on to make life easier for me. However, where it’s meant to say ‘from john via r/Wicca’ it had no space between the usernames and the word ‘via’. I did for a second get extremely confused as to why everyone had ‘via’ at the end of their names.

I’ve found that the stories I have gathered from you amazingly amazing people are mostly positive. I mean, I didn’t expect them to all be doom and gloom, but it would seem the worst part about coming out of the broom closet is thinking about coming out. Once you’ve done it, it’s never as bad as it seems. Take alicabeth’s story for instance:

‘I new I was wiccan when I was around 20, it took my a while to really figure my faith out and fortunately my best friend found the path with me. My mother is a very supportive woman but still doesn’t really like to discuss it, at the same time she also doesn’t like to discuss her religion so I don’t take it personally at all. My father on the other hand used to be a Sunday school teacher so I was a little apprehensive about telling him. When I did finally tell him in the midst of a pretty spiritually oriented conversation he was so excited and proud to be able to talk to me about it, he really has solidified my beliefs. He loves calling me up and asking “how would your faith deal with such and such spiritual problem?” And he sits back and marvels about his previous misconceptions. Just typing this out makes me feel so blessed to have a father who sticks to the best of his beliefs, the compassion and understanding, not judgement. On a side not I just got a package of black taper candles from him because he knew they were hard to find. Ok, im going to stop praising my dad now, Haha. Good luck on your blog, it sounds wonderful. Blessed be.’

But then it’s not always this easy. A Redditor by the name of PaintSingWriteBe wrote a post which gave me a very realistic view of coming out of the broom closet, something I feel I will experience over time as I come out. I’m slowly coming out to a group of friends about studying Wicca. To which they snigger and make jokes, as before I found Wicca, I would have done to them. So I can’t blame them. Anyway, this was the post:

‘In many ways, coming out of th4 broom closet is one of the toughest , most complex processes we will ever go through. We can face everything from open hostility, to rejection from close family members, to ridicule. As many of these stories have shown, in order to preserve vital family connections (especially while still a child/teenager) staying in the security of the broom closet is not cowardice, but simple survival. I have myself experienced prejudice, especially at school from religious teachers and in the work place from hard minded colleagues. Most stories revolve around family support, which I must admit is quite key. I have always had the support from my wonderful mother, and although my brother believes me to be delusional, he respects my right to freedom of religion. Other quarters have not been supportive, but they are not my close family, so I care less. Coming out is usually a process, where a witch may have to ‘test the waters’ so to speak, to ensure that they can safely mention their religious interests. There is also the necessity of accepting that openness cannot be achieved in all areas, especially the workplace. I work as a teacher with a lot of religious students, who are often very judgemental and close minded to alternative belief systems, meaning I must be very neutral. To a certain extent most witches accept that complete openness is not possible in our current society. Hopefully in years to come this will shift and we will feel comfortable and safe in our own skins in all scenarios.’

Negative experiences can be a real test of a person’s belief. For instance, if they don’t use negative experiences that they’ve gained from having a certain faith as a reason to stop their faith, it shows the faith they had wasn’t very strong. Whereas, if the negative experiences don’t hinder a person’s faith, it can be quite uplifting. This is CravingSunshine’s account:

‘I am out in a pretty public way. I was president of my colleges pagan studies organization. I came out in a…sneaky sort of way, dropping little hints. I used to keep a spiral notebook under my bed with spells I liked, correspondence charts, tarot info etc. My mom found it one day and put it out in the trash. I was livid. She started screaming at me and telling g me she wanted to get me an exorcism. It was a major irrational fight. She now flip flops between being ok with it to the point of asking me for help and saying that she loves Jesus. It’s a constant struggle. I don’t regret it one bit though. Most people when you tell them roll their eyes and look at you like you’re a wack job, but a lot of people are ok with it and mostly have no idea what I’m talking about haha.’

There are those who haven’t fully come out at all, me being one of them. Though, I don’t think it is a huge problem. I think being able to keep your beliefs to yourself can be a way of keeping it more personal. Another amazing Redditor posted a story which also explains my opinion, but they said they’d like to stay anonymous, so we’ll call them Sammy.

‘I haven’t come out of the broom closet to very many people but when I went to tell one of my close friends I decided to make it into a game. I listed vague abstract things at first like circles, candles, the moon, etc. I was starting to get more specific when he suddenly correctly guesses that I’m Wiccan. He was fine with it but I didn’t know how to feel. I wouldn’t say my experience was difficult but it was a bit nerve wracking.’

To some people however, the whole experience was very simple. Take not0your0nerd’s story for instance:

‘At age 11 I asked my parents about God, since my friend’s parents kept telling me I was going to hell. My parents told me to go figure out what I believed on my own. I went to the library, and the internet (kinda new in those days). I made a list of what I truly believed, and then tried to find a religion that matched. Found Wicca. Told my parents. They approved. The End.’

So, some people find it hard to come out, others have no issue. Truth is, no one can tell you what will happen if you decide to come out. You may be accepted you may be shunned or anything in between. No one can tell you, you just have to decide if you want to come out.

I’d just like to say another thank you to the truly amazing people at r/Wicca. Without them, there wouldn’t have been a big ass blog like this one, just an apology from me telling you that I couldn’t find enough stories. So thank you to everyone who commented, and if I missed your story off, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to!

I’d like to end the blog with a quote I took from a second post from Fierrascarlett.

‘As you grow up you meet more people and welcome more into your family. Everyone has their limits to what they are comfortable with accepting. All you can do is know and keep to your path.’

Blessed be.

Jay J