"So what! I have kids but they are hard work and a lot of grief. I love them, but I don't always like them. My Rufus [her labradoodle] is nothing but joy. He's my child too. Only I never wish he wasn't around sometimes, unlike the other two." I love meeting people who feel this way about their pets, but more so I love women who admit that being a parent isn't all unicorns, rainbows and unconditional love. As a child-free woman, I am often confronted by what I refer to as martyr mothers, women who turn into a mixture of Joan of Arc and Mother Theresa upon giving birth. These are the women likely to so kindly inform me that "you don't know love until you have a child" and how they "didn't feel like a real woman" until they became a mother. What I would like to say in answer to such comments is, well, not fit to print. Which is why meeting women such as my new park friend is a refreshing faith restorer, not just for child-free women like me but all sisters. Because regardless of what path we take in life, there are always down sides to our decisions – yin to the yang – and parenthood is no exception.

The problem is that an antiquated taboo seems to exist in admitting so, especially when it comes to children. Acknowledging that motherhood isn't a bed of roses; to begrudge lack of time, sleep, money and spontaneity, is sacrilegious, a female no no – especially by mother superiors. Women I know who never wanted or intended to have children, find it hard to tell women who have children that their lifestyle choice is another's idea of hell. Women who don't have children can feel judged as selfish or lesser; while women who have tried to have children but not succeeded can be made to feel failures, cheated and pathetic. But, as a therapist once so wisely told me, it is our vulnerabilities and hardships in life, not our strengths and triumphs, that draw us closer to people. So, surely sharing the thought that life ain't always bliss on any side of the fence can only be a good thing? The fact my park friend could admit that there are times she wishes she wasn't a mother was incredibly refreshing because, some days, it's damn hard being child-free too.

And while I counter upper cuts from martyr mothers by proclaiming that I am happy with my lot (which, on a whole, I honestly am), there are going to be days when I wonder. Would there be more meaning to existence if I was responsible for another life? Are there really different qualities of love, such as for a pet and for a child? Could life be even better than this? Who knows? I choose to live in the now, not dwell on the "what if". We make decisions, or our lives get steered in unplanned directions, and it's a succession of good and bad days in the process. Being a mother doesn't make you a saint immune to its downsides, nor should it. Sing it loud and sing it proud, I say. Homeland actress Claire Danes certainly does. Beautiful, talented, successful, wealthy, happily married (to actor Hugh Dancy) and now mother to 17-month-old Cyrus, Danes is a woman who, from the outside, appears to have ticked all life's boxes. Gold stars all round. But, here's what the disarmingly honest actress said about motherhood in a recent interview with Harper's Bazaar. "Being a mum is incredibly challenging, but we still feel a pressure to talk about it in very romantic terms. And it's not just that. We all have that resentment at times and anxiety about being trapped by the role, that responsibility. And then chemically it can run riot.

"Your mental state, the hormonal swings are so extraordinary and singular to the female experience, and they haven't been taken very seriously or considered very deeply ... I mean, post-partum aside, even if you have the most healthy relationship with your child and have support and resources, it's tough. It's really tough. And there's no 'off' button. [For me] that was the hardest adjustment. You always feel beholden to somebody ..." Danes goes on to say she doesn't regret being a mother, but the fact that she admits it has not been easy, that she feels a constant burden, is in my mind a blessing. Because not only is she relating to other mothers too afraid to scream in a society that extols child bearing and rearing, but also child-free women like me who can only assume just how hard it really is. Age columnist Wendy Squires is a journalist, editor and author. Twitter: @Wendy_Squires