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Eminem Adapts To Praise & Worship In Effort To Stay Relevant

In an effort to reach out to a growing and larger audience, Rapper Marshal Mathers announced this morning that he has decided to adapt his style of music to contemporary Christian Music, also known as Praise & Worship.

“I’ve never really been that religious, as most of you know” Marshal Mathers told members of the press. “But if there is a chance my music can be confused with actual prayer and worship, then this my opportunity to be the real rap god that I’ve always claimed to be.”

Eminem continued to elaborate his excitement to truly move people in Catholic pews because having the true Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Christ present is simply not enough.

“People need to feel, cry, and raise their hands high up in the air. Now people can feel like they’re always in Church, whether they’re in their car or at the gym once I drop the new album,” Mathers said, moving on to stress how traditional Catholic services fall short a moving and emotional religious experience. “You no longer need eyes of faith to feel like you love God, you just need Beats by Dre.”

Shortly after the interview, an anonymous but close source of Eminem reported that his album would be named “The Resurrection.”