Now that school’s been in session for a bit, I’m sensing a lot of ambient anxiety from other parents about what’s normal in terms of kids and friendships. A handful of recurring fears are showing up in my group chats, like: My son told me he’s playing alone at recess, does that mean he has no friends? My daughter got excluded from a game of house — is mean girl behavior starting in preschool now?

There’s also the array of emotions that you may feel watching your kid toddle out into the world without you. I can attest to thinking deeply unkind and possibly demented thoughts about someone else’s 4-year-old the first time I saw my older girl get pushed down on the playground. Those protective feelings are a “biological instinct, we’re designed to help our offspring survive,” said Sally Beville Hunter, Ph.D., a clinical assistant professor in the department of child and family studies at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville. I didn’t exact revenge on that pushy preschooler, but I understand the urge to get involved when you believe your child is getting emotionally or physically hurt.

I spoke to two child psychologists, a psychotherapist and a school counselor about what is developmentally appropriate for children when it comes to making friends, why playing alone doesn’t necessarily mean anything is amiss and when healthy kid conflict edges into bullying.

What’s happening developmentally: Before kids are around 3, they will mostly be engaging in parallel play — which means they will be doing the same activity next to each other, but not really interacting. Between 3 and 5, kids are just learning how to play together. “They may not yet prefer peers over parents,” Dr. Hunter said, but they should have the desire to play with other kids. Which is to say, don’t fret if your kid doesn’t want after-school play dates just yet — as long as he enjoys socializing with other children at school and in general, he’s on track.