Dad asked me this week if I could give him some ideas for Valentine’s Day.

All I can say is…

“Listen close my young Padawan”.

In fact, the tips I am about to share with you have been tried and tested, and when used together or in combination, are a surefire way for wooing any woman. However, please note that if they don’t work as well for you, you probably just aren’t at my level of sexiness.

1. Pretend Like You Have Nothing Planned

The trick here is to lower their expectations from the start. If you play it off like you have nothing planned at all, then they won’t expect anything. This way when you do surprise them, it will be that much more appreciated.

For Mum and Dad’s anniversary a couple weeks ago, Dad not only surprised her by taking her to a different restaurant than where he told her he was taking her, but after dinner he also showed her a short story he had written and published on the Kindle Store about how they met!

But any sort of surprise will work. For instance, imagine if I were to tell my [theoretical] girlfriend, “we’ll just have a quiet evening together and watch a movie”, but then she comes home to this! ; )

Bam!

She’s been knocked off her feet paws.

2. Pay Attention To Her Hints

Allow me to share one of the many learnings I’ve accumulated from my vast experience in the field of women…

You see, women, although seemingly open in their communications, actually express 90% of their feelings and desires through subtle hints – such as ambiguous body language, vague comments, quiet mumbles, and widely-interpreted innuendos.

The true reason they do this still baffles scientists today (especially the male scientists), but if you ask me, this is the tactic women use to constantly test their male partners and keep them on their feet.

So as the man, it’s your job to take note of these hints as best you can (but between me and you, who are we kidding – some are purposely impossible).

But the trick is, like in Step 1, to pretend like you’re not paying attention. That is, until you reveal some sort of surprise which unveils the fact that you actually have been paying attention for the last 3 months..

3. Get Cleaned Up

Make sure you wash up well. Despite how much us dogs like smelling like a dumpster, you may be surprised to know that this is not what girls look for in a guy.

So scrub good, and don’t forget behind the ears.

You may even consider applying one of my custom lines of cologne.

My personal favorite is the Frito Feet scent – it drives Mum wild!

4. Make Sure You Clear Your Schedule

I learned this one the hard way. Turns out “double date” doesn’t mean you have two chicks over at once. As I later discovered, I had done the opposite of what convention advises by having these two fine ladies over at the same time.

And well, I lived through it, but it was a dangerous game.

5. Make Sure You’re Presentable

Beyond just getting cleaned up, I would also recommend you get dressed up in your best attire. You want to show her that you’re treating this as a “special” night.

So whatever you wear should be out of the ordinary.

Or even better – extraordinary.

6. Always be Flexin’

As if this wasn’t obvious enough, a constant flex is a solid way to impress a girl on a date. It works for me all the time, and I have even heard Mum say that this was one of the main reasons she fell for Dad (although I find that hard to believe).

For instance, in the below picture I am presenting a lovely flower to Mum. This may be a delicate operation, yet my muscles are extended to full tensile strength (as you can probably tell).

This sort of flex takes practice, so I would probably recommend practicing in the mirror before actually trying it on your woman.

(The only thing worse than breaking a flex is letting someone see you break a flex).

7. Cook Her A Romantic Dinner

Chicks dig a man who knows his way around the kitchen. And I’m not talking about the floor of the kitchen like most dogs around here..

But the trick is to entertain as you cook for your woman. That really knocks her off her feet. So for instance, if you were as talented as me you could show off a little by spinning your pizza dough through the air like this.

8. Do Something Really Thoughtful

Building on the work we did in Step 1 and 2, you now want to come through with something really amazing and thoughtful that shows you’ve secretly been doing your best to pay attention to her hints. And even if you misinterpreted something, she’ll still appreciate the fact that you were making an effort.

Take for instance the first Valentine’s Day I experienced as a puppy – where Dad sort of re-gifted me to Mum with a rose and bow.

Actually, on second thought maybe re-gifting me wasn’t that original..

As usual, I’m slicker than Dad. Here’s one where I really impressed Mum.

It was her birthday, and I had heard her casually mention a few times before to Dad that she would look good with a new watch. Of course, I pretended not to hear these exchanges as I squeaked my duckies and whatnot.

Then on her birthday, I was like bam – “hey Mum, do you know what time it is?”

“Oh wait, I do!” That one really blew her away!

But it doesn’t need to be a material gift of course. ‘Thoughtful’ doesn’t always mean ‘expensive’. Take Dad’s example in Step 1 with the Kindle Book –

– Ah who am I kidding, Dad’s just cheap.

9. Queue The Mood

Nothing impresses a woman like a guy who can be dangerous and unpredictable all while being totally damn sexy. This is why BATDOG has been such a hit with the ladies.

However, I realize not all men can just put on a BATDOG outfit and become a womanizing hero so easily. Since after all, I’m a natural babe-magnet.

So you might need to be a bit creative. Maybe try something out of your comfort zone, like modeling your underwear for her?

Remember, having fun is romantic (so it’s OK if she laughs).

But if you really want to get the ball rolling, I’d suggest you make like this video…

[queue sound in top left of video]

10. Wear a Cowboy Hat

As you just saw in the above video, my last tip is to wear a cowboy hat.

OK – this one might be a little subjective based on your woman’s tastes, but from my own experience, ever since I put on this cowboy hat Mum has been smooching me up, down, and left to right.

But then again – I did just have a bath, so it could just be me ; )

Actually, it’s probably me.

So there you have it folks – 10 ways to woo your woman. Hope it works out, and just remember – the more of these tips you follow, the better your chances will be of knocking the night out of the park.

Keep it sexy,

~ Crusoe

P.S. If you liked this post, don’t forget to show it below! : )

P.S.S. If you want to do something extra special for your partner, consider a Chef Crusoe t-shirt or hoodie (only 2 days left) bearing the slogan ‘Kiss Me I’m a Chef‘ – because the promotion of kisses is always a good thing!

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