All's Fair in Love When You're Chaotic Evil! Bam is a master wizard, a terrible carpenter, and a god awful lover. His feiance left him in the dust, and now it's up to the players to find away to reunite the lost lovers... through any means necessary. But things may not be as they first appear, for in reality Bam's former lover, Xanthe, has been playing a long con on Bam. She seeks to remove him and his his many traps from The Tower of Bam in order to steal his texts, components, treasures, and... other secrets. Will the players side with Bam or Xanthe? Will they play both sides and take the treasures for themselves? Or will they get caught in the crossfire? That is for you to discover in All's Fair in Love When Your Chaotic Evil! Details Recommended for players Lvl 3-6. This quest is heavily role playing focused with combat entirely optional, if the players can pass all those deception throws. Because of this, it should be very easy to scale up or down to accomadate any level. The Hook There are several ways to work this quest into your current adventure. Here are a few suggestions: Seeking a Wizard - Players may seek out a wizard or other magical house on their own. If their in a remote place, guide them to Bam's tower via a local villager. But warn them, Bam is a bit eccentric.

- Players may seek out a wizard or other magical house on their own. If their in a remote place, guide them to Bam's tower via a local villager. But warn them, Bam is a bit eccentric. Exploration - Have players discover it via their normal exploration. Describing the Stone Golem and his two signs should be sufficent to hook their interests.

- Have players discover it via their normal exploration. Describing the Stone Golem and his two signs should be sufficent to hook their interests. Summon - If all else fails, you could always use the good old fashioned summons. Bam seeks out the adventures through a frazeled squire. The squire gives no spefics about the quest at hand, but is free to describe Bam and his deep pockets. Part 1 Introduction As the players approach the tower, read or paraphrase this: In the distance, an akward tower rises up into view. It's crooked, jutting up one way, then another at impossible angles. Whoever built this tower was clearly a terrible craftsman but made up for it with powerful magics. The trees around the tower are burnt to a crisp, perhaps an misfired fireball. Before the tower a hulking Rock Golem stands guard. On either side of the Golem is a sign. On the left the sign has two simple phrases. On top it reads: "State your business." On bottom it reads: "Yes". The sign on the right also has two lines. The first reads: "I clobber you". The second: "No". At his feet lay the obliterated corpses of three goblins. Note This area is where the players may or may not discover the true nature of Bam. There are many hints sprinkled throughout that he's a rat bastard, but don't be too keen to give away this secret. Let them discover it bit by bit. The Stone Golem - Roc A destroyed birds nest lays in shambles upon the head of the golem. White bird poop has dribbled down the crags in it's face. A desperate bird flutters about it frantically. Perception Check 12 - Among the dead goblins are three eggs. Two are broken, one is whole. If PC's offer to fix the nest and/or place the egg back on Roc's head, he will treat them favorably throughout their "conversation". Interaction When the players approach, Roc points to the words: "State your business". As long as the players business is non-confrentational, he will let them pass. If players are threatening, Rock points to "I clobber you". Players are free to ask any questions. If they help with the bird, Roc is forthcomming with answers of "Yes" or "No" by pointing to their respective signs. Roc Stone Golem, Lawful Neutral Armor Class 17

17 Hit Points 178 (17d10+85)

178 (17d10+85) Speed 30ft. STR DEX CON INT WIS CHA 22 (+6) 9 (-1) 20 (+5) 3 (-4) 10 (+0) 1 (-5) Condition Immunities Charmed, Exhaustion, Frightened, Paralyzed, Petrified, Poisoned

Charmed, Exhaustion, Frightened, Paralyzed, Petrified, Poisoned Senses Darkvision 120 Ft.

Darkvision 120 Ft. Languages Common

Common Challenge 10 (5,900 XP)

Roc continued Traits Immutable Form: The golem is immune to any spell or effect that would alter its form.

The golem is immune to any spell or effect that would alter its form. Magic Resistance: The golem has advantage on saving throws against Spells and other magical effects.

The golem has advantage on saving throws against Spells and other magical effects. Magic Weapons: The golem's weapon attacks are magical. Actions Multiattack: The golem makes two slam attacks.

The golem makes two slam attacks. Slam: Melee Weapon Attack: +10 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 19 (3d8 + 6) bludgeoning damage.

Melee Weapon Attack: +10 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 19 (3d8 + 6) bludgeoning damage. Slow (Recharge 5-6): The golem Targets one or more creatures it can see within 10 ft. of it. Each target must make a DC 17 Wisdom saving throw against this magic. On a failed save, a target can't use reactions, its speed is halved, and it can't make more than one Attack on its turn. In addition, the target can take either an action or a Bonus Action on its turn, not both. These effects last for 1 minute. A target can repeat the saving throw at the end of each of its turns, ending the effect on itself on a success. About Rock Bam is Roc's creator but he made a mistake. In an attempt to make him semi-intellegent (used loosely here), he accidently gave Roc feelings. Ew.

He is a simple creature and feels some joy in nature. Any gifts of nature, even a twig, will instantly grant the PC his favor.

Roc dislikes Bam due to Bam's flagrant disregard for nature. But Roc is 100% loyal to his creator and will not give up any of Bam's secrets no matter how much he favors the PC's.

Roc will always warn before attacking. If the PC's anger him, he will point to "I smash you" but give them a chance to change their stupid ways before he comences smashing.

Roc loves Xanthe. If they appear together, she strokes his chin whenever she passes. If Roc discovers the PC's have harmed her, he will attack.

Roc can point the way to the shop or to the tower in way of dircections. He will not move except to attack or point. The Magic Shop Upon entering, read or paraphrase: This small stone building is the magic shop where Bam conducts his business, but it's currently empty. Tomes, potions, scrolls and even a few magical items line the shelves. Each shelf has a rune carefully engraved into it. At the back sits a desk littered with papers. Above the desk upon the back wall hangs a sign that reads: 'Theives will be clobbered and fed to local wildlife'. Runes The runes on the shelf link Roc to the items. If a player attempts to take anything, Roc will charge to the shop, smash the ground outside, then point to the sign that says: "I clobber you". When the player puts it back down, he will return to his previous position. Bottles A couple empty Liquer bottles lay upon the floor behind the desk. Clearly Bam has drunk himself into a deep depression. Desk The papers on the desk are all tearstained letters. Many have been scribbled over, or have had ink poured over them. Only a few lines are legible. They read: "...back to me. We'll swindle them again, like the good old days..." and "...do anything to fell your voluptuous, supple..." and so on. If the PC's search beneith the letters, they'll find a ring inscribed with "To Xanthe" inscibed within it. Bam's Ring of Love, Lust & Finding Once this ring is carried, if the PC picking it up has Charsima > 13, the inscription automatically changes to read "To {PC's Name}".

If the wearer of the ring has the same name as inscribed within it, the wearer gets +1 to Charisma while within 300 ft of Bam.

Whoever carries this ring is immune to all of the traps within Bam's tower.

On the otherhand, Bam always knows the location of the ring (how else would he track his girlfriends). The Tower The tower is a dangerous place, thoroughly trapped and humming with magical energy. There are a number of strange things about it. While the tower seems crooked from the outside, it feels perfectly level and stable from within. And while the bottom level feels directly proportional to the walls that enclose it, the higher up you go, the larger the rooms become, defying any sense of logic. Perception Check 14: The distant sounds of a bemoaning man can be heard from the foot of the tower. Perception Check 18: The PC can make out some of the words he cries. Things like: "If only I gave you more love potion when I had the chance!" Roc & the Tower If the players attempt to enter, it will summon Roc. However, a simple explination that the PC's are seeking Bam will convince Roc to let them enter. Even something as simple as: "We need to see the wizard" will elicit a thoughtful moment and a nod from the golem before it returns to it's post. Trap # 1 There is a rune etched upon the threshold. If players enter without dispelling the magic, Reduce will be cast upon the PC's.

Reduce The target's size is halved in all dimensions, and its weight is reduced to one-eighth of normal. This reduction decreases its size by one category - from Medium to Small, for example. Until the spell ends, the target also has disadvantage on Strength Checks and Strength saving throws. The target's Weapons also shrink to match its new size. While these Weapons are reduced, the target's attacks with them deal 1d4 less damage (this can't reduce the damage below 1). Trapdoor - To Basement To the back left of the room is a trapdoor that leads to the basement. It is locked and only unlockable with Bam's Key, which he carries, or with a successful DC 25 (Dexterity). The lock is trapped with a spring loaded needle. Failing a DC 15 (Dexterity), the PC will be hit with a poison needle dealing 2d4 DAM and inflicting the poisoned status until next long rest. Stairs to next level To the back left is a spiral staircase going up to the next level. A mechanical whirring can be heard from below, as well as the random pattering of feet, as though someone is hopping and hanging in the air for unnatural amounts of time. Second Floor Upon entering the second floor, read or paraphrase the this: As you climb the stairs to the second floor, you notice several strange things. This room is clearly larger than the last by at least twice the size. This is Bam's personal library. Books shelves line the walls and are arranged in neat rows. At the end of each row is a ornate chair and table, each of which holds different curiosities. But all is not orderly. Books are strewn about the floor and several of the large bookcases have tipped over, leaning against walls and other bookcases. From the far end of the room comes whirring, clicking, clacking, and bouncing sounds, and from where you stand you can hear a strang, high pitched voice speaking in almost rhythmic singsong, "Clean, tidy. Clean, tidy. Order, order, everyday." T-Alpha 6227 - Monodrone In the far end of the room is T-Alpha 6227, a Modron Duodrone Bam captured in his younger days. After years of experiments, Bam was able to reinstrument it's analytical engine to make it serve him unconditionally. T-Alpha 6227 can remember everything, and if questioned, may (or may not) recite at length the tortures he endured. Peices of him removed, rearranged, until he became what he is today, a broken Modron. Dispite all this, he is 100% faithful to Bam, will defend Bam both in principal and with his own life. And yes, he see's the dramatic irony in this, but he can't go against his programming. Notes T-Alpha 6227 is basically a slave. The soul purpose Bam kidnapped and reprogrammed it was to get a full time butler. T-Alpah 6227 cleans tirelessly.

It will ignore PC's until order is restored in the library. Once every shelf is standing and every book back in place, he will speak to the players. Otherwise he continues his work song.

If players assist in the cleaning, he will speak with them favorably.

Once 15 minutes has passed, if there has been no player assistance, the room will be clean and he will answer player questions. However, if the players did not assist, he will be stand-offish. If you're not creating order, you're destroying it.

All T-Alpha 6772's anwers should be binary. There are true's and falses, nothing in between.

He knows very little about Xanthe, or any of Bam's other girlfriends. Now that she's gone, things are quieter, which is good, but Bam's temper goes off more often causing messes like this one, which is bad. How does he feel about Xanthe leaving? True. Books There are lots of books in here. As well as a few secrets hidden in their midst. A keen adventurer might be able to find the hollow books hiding notes and jewelry. Book of Notes - Within a hollowed out book is a small pile of notes. The topmost note is from Xanthe and reads: Bam, Believe it or not, I figured out the little trick in the ring you gave me. Stangest thing happened as I walked along the river to town, just as your tower was out of sight, my face transformed to something uglier. I saw it in the reflection before my very eyes. I was terrified, naturally, so I went to hurry back. As I neared I saw my face change back to it's beautiful self, in fact more beatuful than I had realized. After some experimentation, I realized it was the damn ring you gifted me. You disgusting pig! I removed it, and my beauty returned to it's former self, and I'm much agreed to the change. If you can't take me, warts and all, then you may as well shove off and die in a river. I'm leaving you. Don't follow me. Your former lover, til you screwed it up, Xanthe The rest of the notes are all of a similar type, each from a different former lover, each complaining about some magical manipulation. Looks like he doesn't stay friends with his ex's.