My Cup Runneth Over

“How much do you want?” the shaman asks me as he pours the thick nauseating liquid into a tall shot glass.

“I’ll let you decide,” I answer. He looks me in the eye for a moment, then fills the glass to the brim.

I bring the glass of Ayahuasca to my heart as I kneel before the sacred fire: “To becoming a better person!”

My stomach flutters with dread as I force the horrible tasting brew past my lips and down my throat. I experience an involuntary shudder.

“Well, here we go,” I think to myself as I sit back on my blanket, wait for the medicine to take effect, and ponder the reasons that have brought me here.



3 Reasons Why I’m Taking Ayahuasca and San Pedro

I am in the Andes mountains high above the Amazon jungle, on a 12 day shamanic retreat. Why? To take the sacred medicines Ayahuasca and San Pedro in a tradition dating back thousands of years. The retreat center, Gaia Sagrada, is situated at 9,000 feet above sea level on 55 beautiful acres just 45 minutes from the city of Cuenca, Ecuador.

That’s all quite lovely. But as the shaman himself would ask me a few days from now during our first San Pedro ceremony–“Hank, why are you here?”

Reason #1: To Deal With My Own Shit; Then Serve Others

OK, the nicer way to say that is that I’m looking for personal healing, self-understanding, and spiritual growth; my ultimate goal is to be like Jesus: filled with love and compassion for others, and helping people in whatever way I can.

What does Ayahuasca and San Pedro have to do with that? People who take these medicines report deep insights into their psyche. Childhood wounds are healed, traumatic experiences lose their power over us; negative habits and patterns of behavior are exposed and reset.

I am here to confront the dark side of my personality–with forgiveness and understanding–hopefully I will return home a more open, honest, and loving person.

Reason #2 : Curiosity; First-hand Research

I have a strong desire to explore the unknown–from the forests and mountains around my house to the deep recesses of my own mind, and beyond to other dimensions of reality.

Christians are discouraged from exploring altered states of consciousness because of the fear that they will become prey to “demons”. This taboo is hard to overcome. Even with my personal explorations and research over the last 4 years, I was still a little afraid of what would happen if I came ‘face-to-face’ with an evil spirit.

Despite the fear instilled by secular and religious institutions, there is a psychedelic renaissance going on in western medicine today–it promises healing for depression, anxiety, PTSD, drug and alcohol addiction, even the fear of death and dying.

If these ‘medicines’ can help my friends and loved ones who are struggling with these issues, then I want to wholeheartedly recommend this treatment to them.

The only way that I will feel 100% confident telling someone I love that they should consider taking Ayahuasca and San Pedro is if I take it myself first.

Reason #3: To Restore Lost Faith

“Hank, why are you here?” the shaman asks me.

I am sitting cross-legged and straight-backed on the cougar skin across from him, surrounded by 30 of my fellow participants. Everyone has to take a turn on the ‘hot seat’. After eight hours of ceremony, and two doses of San Pedro, I decided I’m ready.

“I have lost my faith and my power!” I blurt out.

The tip of Salvador’s hand-rolled cigar glows brightly as he continues to regard me with a ‘go-ahead-I’m-listening’ expression on his face.

“As a young man,” I continue, “I fell in love with a celestial being of great power and beauty. He saved me from the dark pit I was in. He delivered me from drug addiction and self-hatred. I know him as Jesus, though I believe He has revealed Himself to others around the world by different names.”

“After 40 years of relationship with Jesus, and many experiences of miracles, answered prayers, and a powerful worship ministry, I could no longer stand the intolerance and conservative dogma of my church, so I left.”

“I didn’t know I’d be leaving Jesus too!”

“My wife and my family need me to be a source of spiritual strength–I’m hoping to renew my faith with the help of the medicines.”

Overwhelmed with San Pedro-intensified emotion, I fall silent and wait to see what Salvador will say.