* By the time news of Caius’ death had reached Rome it was some time in late March, 4 CE.

* Aug mourned but also hurried to plan for the future.

* Of course, he didn’t have many options left.

* Julia and Agrippa had one son left – Agrippa Postumus.

* Or Aggy P as I like to call him.

* Bookies at the time had the odds of his survival dropping to 1:25 if he was also adopted by Aug.

* Imagine that.

* Aug comes to you and says “look kid, how would you like to be the next Mr Big?”

* And you’re like “FUCK OFF OLD MAN”.

* I’ve seen what happens to people who train to take over.

* They all end up dead.

* Aggy P was only 15 and hadn’t yet taken the toga virilis.

* But there was also Germanicus, the eldest son of Drusus and Antonia Minor, who was herself the youngest daughter of Mark Antony and Octavia Minor, Augustus’ sister.

* Which makes Germanicus, or Germs, Augustus’ grand-nephew?

* Which is the same relationship Octavian had to Julius Caesar.

* He was 18 and had a knack for the crowd like his father.

* Suetonius claims Aug thought seriously about naming Germs his heir but decided against it.

* He was probably too young.

* As usual he seems to have ignored the husbands of his nieces and grand-nieces.

* I have a clip of him talking about it actually.

* GODFATHER CARLO

* But of course there was still one guy who was old enough and had experience – Tiberius.

* Velleius Paterculus, early first century AD: ‘But fortune, which had snatched away the hope of the great name [of Caesar], had already restored to the commonwealth her greatest bulwark . . . Caesar Augustus did not delay for any length of time; for he had no need to hunt for one to choose, but simply to choose one of obvious eminence.’

* Velleius Paterculus was a contemporary historian.

* Twice consul, former son-in-law, former tribunicia potestas, probably the most distinguished living commander.

* He’d been on Rhodes for 8 years and and back for the last 2 years.

* He got back around the time of the death of Lucius.

* Since then he’s kept a pretty low profile.

* Instead of moving back into his old house – which was first Pompey’s and then Mark Antony’s – he moved to one of Maecenas’ villas on the edge of the city.

* Apart from taking his son Drusus to the Temple of Mars Ultor to get his toga virilis, he’s completely avoided public life.

* So in effect he’s been off the public stage now for ten years.

* Nearly half his adult life.

* But once again it seems as though Aug isn’t looking for a single person to be his successor.

* Like Lt. Aldo Rain, he’s looking to put together a special team.

* ALDO (under “I”)

* He knew this power was too much for any one person whose names wasn’t AUGUSTUS MUTHAFUCKING CAESAR

* So he puts into play once of the most complicated dance moves since James Brown invented the James Brown shuffle.

* PLAY SOME JAMES BROWN – HOT or MY THANG

* First, Tiberius adopted his nephew Germanicus.

* He’s Tiberius’ nephew because he’s the son of Tib’s brother, Drusus.

* But then Augustus adopts both Agrippa Postumus AND Tiberius!

* Now – there’s nothing weird about him adopting a teenage boy.

* But there’s absolutely no precedent for the adoption of a 45 year old former consul who now has two adult sons of his own.

* ALTHOUGH

* I can remember one other weird adoption we’ve talked about a LONG time ago….

* Can you remember?

* He was another Claudian.

* Clodius was adopted when he was 34, by someone much younger than him, so he could become a plebian and therefore become a tribune of the plebs.

* But this is weird too.

* And it gets weirder.

* Germs is arranged to marry Agrippina, daughter of Agrippa and Julia.

* So he’s marrying the daughter of his new father’s ex-wife.

* And as Germs is now Augustus’ grandson – the adopted son of his adopted son – as well as his grand-nephew – and Agrippina is the Augustus’ granddaughter via Julia – then Germs is marrying is own cousin.

* But that’s okay because… Elvis said so.

* KISSING COUSINS

* And Germs’ sister, Livilla, who was supposed to marry Caius, is now going to marry Drusus, Tiberius’ son

* So Germs is now Tiberius’ son and his sister is marrying another of Tiberius’ sons.

* Thanksgiving Dinner must have been confusing.

* Tiberius is staying single because let’s face it – being married to Julia probably turned him gay.

* Postumus is the odd one out.

* Partly because he’s the only one who isn’t the son or grandson of Livia.

* Remember Julia is Augustus’ daughter with Scribonia.

* He doesn’t get a quick promotion, he still has to wait another year before he gets the toga virilis, and Augustus doesn’t become the consul to present him as a man, like he’d done for Postumus’ brothers.

* But then again he never became a consul again.

* Posty also wasn’t given the title of princeps iuventutis like his dead brothers, didn’t get entry into the Senate, etc.

* No talk of marrying him to another member of Augustus’ family.

* He just got adopted by Augustus.

* And could call himself CAESAR.

* Why do you think he missed out on the other benefits?

* Tibby was also now Tiberius Julius Caesar.

* When he announced his adoption in the Senate, Augustus said “I do this for the sake of the res publica.”

* What do you make of that?

* Does it sound like “I don’t really want to but I have to”?

* If he does still hold a grievance against Tibbo, it would be unusual for Aug to air that in public.

* The only time he’s done that is with Julia.

* And Tibbo had kept his head down, been a good boy in the last ten years.

* And Aug’s surviving letters to him in the following years show his normal affection and friendly banter.

* Whatever his personal feelings towards him, in public he shows respect, trust and affection.

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