I taught English in Korea for two years. I was not your traditional teacher. I encouraged drinking in the class. I should explain, I taught adults. I wasn’t abusing children. I was abusing adults. We had fun. I learned more than my students. First of all, you learn a lot about a culture spending up to eight hours a day in their classrooms. Secondly, I couldn’t teach. What did I know about teaching English? I didn’t even know what an adverb does. Sure, I knew you did well not you did good, but, I couldn’t tell you why. Students would ask: “Teacher, what is the present perfect?” My stock answer: How are you at this present time? Perfect? Present perfect, next question.

To make up for not teaching, I did my best to be entertaining in the class, hence, the encouraging of the drinking. The night classes basically turned into a night club act, and each seat in the classroom came with a two drink minimum.

I improvised all my classes. I had to, like I said, I didn’t know what or how to teach. One of my best improvs came inspired by hearing Hye Sun tell the legend of the first Korean. See, there was this bear and a tiger that go into the cave with nothing to eat but onions and garlic for 100 days, and then, if they never leave the cave for the 100 days, they will be turned human. Well, the tiger bolts after 50 days, apparently he couldn’t endure the bear’s breath. The bear sticks it out for the 100 days, and zap! The bear’s turned into a beautiful Korean lady.

After Hye Sun had finished the tale, she asked if Canada had any such legends. I couldn’t think of any, so, I made one up.

“Sure we do,” I said. “Probably the most famous is the legend of Jean LeLouis De Le Pepe Le Peu, the most famous lumberjack in Canadian history. Jean LeLouis De Le Pepe Le Peu clear cut all the way from Montreal right up the Gaspe all by himself. Incredible lumberjack. Until, one day Jean LeLouis De Le Pepe Le Peu was captured by a cannibal tribe of Iroquois Indians, who tied Jean LeLouis De Le Pepe Le Peu to a stake, threatening to make steak of him. First, though, they offered him one last meal. Jean LeLouis De Le Pepe Le Peu asked for his filet mignon, with a starter of escargots, and French onion soup with a chocolate eclair for dessert. The Iroquois only had bannock, a dry bread made from corn. Jean LeLouis De Le Pepe Le Peu found the bread dull, and asked to get into his rucksack where he had a syrup made from maple trees that would go well with the bannock. And when Jean Le Pierre De Le Pepe Le Peu poured the syrup on the bread, the first pancake was born. And that, class, is why our flag has a maple leaf in the middle representing syrup and the red and white represent the meeting of native and European cultures, and the two red stripes represent the bloody pancakes the natives made out of Jean LeLouis De Le Pepe Le Peu. Any Questions?”

I never told them I was joking.