An ode to my shitty puppy. Please excuse the quality - it was recorded with a webcam mic and a dog sitting on my lap. Lyrics: Can you smell that poo tonight? I used to be so happy, My life was so carefree The only thing I had to do Was make sure I could eat And then one day I found you, Just sitting in a box I took you home and before I realized, You declared war on my socks And can you smell that poo tonight? It’s like toxic gas! I’m out of bed, hunting down at four am When my foot lands on a ‘mass’ And then I stop and understand My life won’t be the same Now that I have a shitty puppy Who thinks this is a game I don’t know what you’re hiding There’s something you have done You’re giving me those puppy eyes That know a storm’s about to come. Is it maybe that confetti Made with all my Christmas mail? Or perhaps it is that hole on my new couch, from where I can see your tail? And then you howl into the night, With the dogs in town, I understand that you can’t use Facebook, But would you please put the phone down?! You poop and shed and bark and whine, You steal my chair and food, You’re a cross between a bat and a wallaby, And you’re pretty stinky too… But in the end, you’re my little puppy face And I can’t live without you.

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