At the other end of the Airbnb helpline in Colorado, “Casey” sounded incredulous. “You have how many Facebook friends?” she drawled. “Er … about 50,” I replied. Long pause. “Well, you don’t have enough for us to verify you. You’d need at least 100.”

“But”, I squeaked, “I post every now and again … I’m on Facebook most days to check on my friends and relations.” This, however, was not enough to convince Airbnb I existed. And, as I didn’t exist, I could not book a room.

Helpful Casey had another suggestion: why not upload a video of myself saying why and where I wanted to book. The problem with that, I explained, was that the Airbnb link supplied was incompatible with my iPad 2. Use your smartphone, suggested Casey. I didn’t have one, said I. There was an audible intake of breath.

Have you ever been told you don’t have enough friends – and are a Luddite to boot? It’s crushing. And more to the point, I had a flight booked to Bremen in Germany, for two; I had tickets for the Glocke concert hall; but I still had nowhere to stay on the first weekend of November – that of the Freimarkt, the oldest fair in Germany – one of the busiest on the Bremen calendar.

Airbnb’s logo.

Earlier that week I had logged on to Airbnb for the first time in search of a room for two. I found one (with “Sabine”) that ticked the boxes, filled in my credit card details, and booked … or so I thought. Back bounced an email saying that I was not acceptable to Sabine, and my money had been returned. So I tried to book with “Harald”. The same thing happened. “Viktoria” (“Nice room, near park”) rejected me, too.

I’m a middle-aged mum of two, I’m a school governor, I have an impeccable credit record. But I couldn’t book a B&B. Not when I didn’t have enough “friends”.

For the uninitiated (until recently, me) Airbnb works like this. “Hosts” advertise their spare rooms (or house) and “guests” contact them through the site to arrange to stay and to pay. But, since February, the site has required some users to “verify their identity”. And there’s the rub.

Airbnb wanted a picture of me. I uploaded one. Up on my screen popped a dialogue saying they needed to verify my “offline” identity. Could I scan in a driver’s licence or passport? With a sinking heart and a nasty sensation of violated privacy, I complied.

Now for my “online” identity, persisted the dialogue box: Facebook, LinkedIn or Google account? My Google account is a work one (not that, then); Airbnb rejected LinkedIn (well, ok, I’m not planning to leave my present job, so I seldom update that). As a last resort, I offered up Facebook. The pop-up dialogue greedily demanded access to all my friends. Still it was not enough ...

Three days, three lost bookings, a spate of emails, and two calls to Casey and her colleague in Colorado later, my problem was resolved. I was “escalated” to one of Airbnb’s “verification specialists”, who allowed me to upload my (very grumpy) video directly to him, explaining who I was. Twenty-four hours after that I got my green light. Off I went, and had a wonderful weekend courtesy of my excellent host “Felix”.

And why am I keeping my name off this article? Well, that’s the whole point. For me, a Facebook friend is someone I really am friendly with. I don’t want every Tom, Dick, Harry – or colleague – knowing about my home life. In the same way, I’d rather not broadcast my official friendlessness over the internet. My privacy already feels violated by Airbnb – and I want to speak up for those who may feel the same.

Dear Airbnb, I may not have a fully developed “online identity” – but that doesn’t mean I’m not real.

Airbnb replies

“Since launching Verified ID in 2013 we’ve received extremely positive feedback ... we are always working to make Verified ID more user-friendly. Earlier this year we added Google as another way our customers can complete the online portion. And if users are ever having trouble, we encourage them to contact our customer service team, who can help to guide them through the process.”