Londonist Staff

What Should Boris Johnson Do Next?

So that's it. London's erstwhile mayor will not be running for PM. What's Boris going to do next? We've got a few ideas.

What's Boris's next stop? Photo by dean nicholas in the Londonist Flickr pool

1. Run for Mayor of London

Zac just didn't have the required oomph/hairdo, which puts Boris back in the City Hall frame for 2020. He's got almost four years to plan his next campaign, in which he'll surely bid to Take Back Control of London. Other positions Boris might consider include England football manager and leader of the Labour Party.

2. Apply to be Trump's running mate

Bojo has barely renounced his US citizenship, but we reckon admirer Donald Trump could pull a few strings to fast-track him a new passport and get him on Team America. Then, while Boris rattles on about how he loves immigrants, Trump can be behind the scenes preparing the grouting.

Boris would make the ideal running mate for Trump. Photo by Matt Brown

3. Become a sports teacher

Boris has always treated children as adults. That's why he's not afraid to bundle them over like Japanese flesh skittles. He'd make the ideal no-nonsense sports teacher. And he can get back to that Olympic Legacy, setting up London's first whiff-whaff academy. Or he could go and be some kind of ambassador for the Rio Olympics (see image below).

4. Become a Churchill impersonator

Boris has always wanted to be Winston Churchill, and we reckon he could make a killing on the South Bank, wearing a siren suit and babbling on about fighting on beaches. Even better, why not install him as a permanent fixture in the Churchill War Rooms; he'd be quite content down there in the dank, glugging endless magnums of Pol Roger and churning out speeches into BBC mics that have been unplugged since 1945.

Boris could go and be a ninny at the Rio Olympics

5. Become a real life Paddington Bear

One for the rich parents of Islington: Boris could hire himself out as a real life Paddington Bear, inviting himself to go and live round households, scoffing marmalade from the jar and wreaking general havoc.

6. Do his actual job as an MP for Uxbridge and South Ruislip

Just kidding folks.

We're sure you have some of your own ideas for what you'd like to happen to Boris next. Post them in the comments below.