9 Amazing Discoveries At The Bottom Of The Ocean I Would Like Back Now, Please

The ocean floor is full of incredible treasures that human explorers have braved difficult conditions to discover. These nine are mine, and I would like them back now, please.

1. A computing device from Ancient Greece

Researchers found this ancient computing device off the Greek island of Antikythera, where I dropped it into the ocean while I was trying to show it to a friend. I need it back so that I can put it in my living room. It is mine. Bring it to me, please.

2. The Baltic Sea Anomaly

The Baltic Sea Anomaly is a mysterious man-made object discovered at the bottom of the Baltic Sea that belongs to me. I made it myself out of Sculpey clay when I was home sick one weekend, and then I accidentally left it miles and miles beneath the sea. I am glad that researchers were able to find it and take a picture of it because it is extremely valuable to me, but I need it back now. Please send me the picture, too.

3. Bioluminescent fish

Who took my fish and put them deep in the ocean? They are mine. I bought them. I spent a lot of money on them. They are a souvenir from my trip to Seattle. I am ready to have them back. If you are at the bottom of the ocean, please grab them and return them to me. I live in Pittsburgh. Thank you.

4. This treasure chest

I was on a cruise with my college graduating class when I dropped this treasure chest into the ocean. I thought I could dive in after it and grab it but it sunk too fast. It is full of incredible treasures, such as gold, and I need it back immediately.

5. The Titanic

The Titanic is my boat and I want it back for obvious reasons (I want it back so that I can use it to sail across the ocean). It is in the ocean at the moment. Please get it out of the water and dry it off and then send it to me right now.

6. Those shrimp that can survive in extremely hot water

My shrimp are amazing because they are some of the only organisms that can survive in water temperatures of over 750 degrees Fahrenheit. I am so proud of them. I raised them from when they were infant shrimp. I miss them, and they miss me as well. The ocean has had my shrimp long enough—give them back!

7. The lost underwater city of Neapolis

One of the worst tragedies of my life was when a tsunami caused my ancient city of Neapolis to sink into the sea. Divers discovered Neapolis off the coast of Tunisia last summer, and being that I am its owner it is only fair that they give it back to me. The 100 tanks of fermented garum the divers found in Neapolis are also mine. I would like the garum back as well. Garum is a seasoning I use to cook my lunches. I need both my garum and my ancient city back at the earliest convenience.

8. This diver

This deep-sea diver died trying to break a diving record in the Red Sea, which is especially sad because he is mine. Can I have him back, please? I need to bury him in my backyard. His name is Tim. I am sorry that Tim has passed, but I need him back whenever possible.

9. The Mariana Trench

My trench! I would like my trench back from the ocean so that I can use it to impress my coworkers. Please send me an email if you can help me get my trench.