Your life is probably pretty weird and fucked up and I'm sure a bunch of terrible shit has happened to you because life is awful all the time to everyone. Joe, Benny and Mike will write and record you a ONE-OF-A-KIND ORIGINAL SONG about whatever went wrong in your life. Or really about anything, I guess people sometimes write songs about nice things. That's not really our thing but we'll do it for you! Literally anything. Even a wussy love song for some chick or dude who you'll eventually resent. This song will be sent to you and only you and nobody else will ever have to hear it unless you want them to. It's entirely your song to do whatever you want with. We'll call you up, talk to you about your vision for the song, and do our damnedest to make you something pretty or ugly or whatever you want. We'll also, of course, throw YOUR NAME IN THE LINER NOTES and send you a SIGNED CD, DIGITAL COPY ONE WEEK EARLY, and a link to the ONLINE EARLY LISTENING PARTY.

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