I don’t know who I’d be without Star Wars. I know that sounds like hyperbole, but I genuinely don’t know what life is like without Star Wars. I was four years old when George Lucas remastered the Original Trilogy and released the digital editions to theaters. And my earliest memory? My family and I going to see Star Wars (retitled A New Hope) at the fancy new Oceanside, California movie theater that had those revolutionary stadium-style seats. So, literally, I’ve never known life without a passion for Star Wars at the center of it.

I don’t need to explain the cultural phenomenon that is Star Wars, right? It’s a multimedia juggernaut valued at $70 billion. It’s spawned a rabid fan-base that is the most passionate community in the world, for better and (definitely) for worse. It’s the greatest piece of modern fiction and will never be forgotten (okay, that’s hyperbole).

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Star Wars has influenced so much. Its DNA can be seen throughout the pop culture of the last 53 years. Its contributions to society cannot be understated. But you know what is constantly understated? Constantly overlooked? The goddamn hair of Star Wars.

Sure, Leia’s buns are a no brainer to counter my argument. But what about the rest of the hair? Let’s take a closer look. And not just at the men. But the women. And the children too.

The Men

Obi-Wan Kenobi (Star Wars: Attack of the Clones)

It’s not an exaggeration to say Obi-Wan’s hair in Star Wars: Attack of the Clones is absolutely Christ-like. Look at it. Just really study it — the grace, the shine, the divinity. The subtle curls at the ends invite you in to find safe-haven in his locks, as if the center of The Force itself remains hidden at the back of Obi-Wan’s neck, begging you to find solace. I just want to curl up and read some sacred texts in that hair.

Anakin Skywalker (Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith)

I am not going to sit here and try to convince you Hayden Christensen turned in a stellar performance in Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith. But I will tell you that the cabbage on his head could make some seriously decadent coleslaw. Anakin’s hair was working overtime and makes up for the more robotic elements of Mr. Christensen’s performance because hair that good simply takes on a life of its own. The biggest tragedy of Anakin’s transformation to Darth Vader isn’t the death of hope, but the loss of that hair.

Kylo Ren (Literally every single second he is on screen)

Get on up here and get the recognition you deserve for that absolutely fresh, certified organic bed of lettuce you got there Ben Solo. Ben didn’t get here because of his famous Daddy or Mommy, he’s simply got the best hair in the entire franchise. His hair is so perfect, there’s no telling where Kylo ends and hair begins. It’s luscious. It’s flowy. It’s exquisite. It is sheer perfection in human hair form.

Han Solo (Star Wars: A New Hope or Solo: A Star Wars Story)

Han Solo’s hair just isn’t given enough credit. It may not be as long as Qui-Gon’s or as shiny as his son’s, but Han Solo’s hair is downright luscious. Both in his younger days running with Tobias Beckett and as a Rebellion General, Han’s hair has some beautiful depth and, for lack of a better term, character. It tells a story. It’s wavy and thicc and incredible. Honestly, Han Solo just has unparalleled flow. More like Han Flowlo, am I right?

Honorable Mention: Qui-Gon Jinn (Star Wars: The Phantom Menace)

Qui-Gon gets a nod simply for the impressive length from cuticle to tip and the hair+beard combo he’s got going on. Any man who has grown hair past the shoulders can respect the commitment it takes to maintain such a mane. Heh, more like MANEtain, am I right? That’s the last pun, I promise.

The Women

Princess Leia (Star Wars: A New Hope)

C’mon. You really think me such a buffoon as to not include the most iconic hairdo of all-time? The hair buns that evoke the wafting cinnamon-sugar aromatics of walking past a mall foodcourt Cinnabon as you ponder whether it is acceptable to have an oversized cinnamon roll at 3:17 p.m. on a sunny Sunday afternoon after picking up a vanilla shea butter body scrub for $37.99 at Bath & Bodyworks? Do you really think I’d omit the hair that evokes such specific feelings? Leia Organa is many things. A general. A spymaster. A diplomat. A mother. Almost a Jedi. But most of all? She’s a goddamn pioneer of how to evoke the comfort of delicious breakfast treats with a hairstyle.

Padme Amidala (Literally every look she ever sported)

If Padme Amidala’s hair were eligible for the NFL Draft, it would simply be listed as “ATH.” For you non-football folk, “ATH” stands for “Athlete” and is assigned to players who are just kind of good at everything and not really capable of being classified by just one position. They’re incredibly dynamic and rare. And that’s exactly how I’d describe Senator/Queen Amidala’s ever-changing hairstyle. Other words I’d use? Oh, you might ask but were afraid to because you know I’ve been reading the thesaurus? Experimental. Bold. Artistic. Extravagant. Elegant. Lavish. Ornate. Utterly-magnificent. She’s a true auteur, and I legitimately believe we should all be so bold in our choices not just in hair, but in life.

Rey Palpatine/Skywalker/Nobody (Star Wars: The Force Awakens)

Let’s be honest- Daisy Ridley’s bone structure is so flawless that you could shave an intricate portrait of Jar Jar Binks onto the top of her head and she’d still pull it off. Nonetheless, the hair and makeup department of Star Wars: The Force Awakens created yet another iconic Star Wars look with Rey. It is reminiscent of Leia’s bun yet entirely it’s own thing (mostly because It doesn’t remind me of food, but I digress). Okay if I keep objectifying Rey’s hair, things are bound to get weird, so, uh, yeah. Let’s just move on.

Admiral Amilyn Holdo (Star Wars: The Last Jedi)

Oh goddamnit- this is going to get weird too- but ya know, let’s just really lean into it. I love brightly colored hair. I don’t know why. It doesn’t make sense to me, yet every time I see a pretty lady who takes her tame blonde or brunette look and soaks it in, say, neon purple, I am immediately more attracted to the aforementioned lady. And don’t you dare sit there and judge me, reader. We both know Admiral Holdo’s look is nothing short of fierce. Her hair challenges the notions of the uniformity expected in military ranks, so really, Amilyn is just super punk rock. Do you think she’d be cool with me calling her Amilyn? I hope so. Such a cute name. Like, that’s a name I’d be eager to introduce to my family at Christmas. “Everyone, this is my lover, Amilyn. Isn’t her hair so luminous?” See! I told you it’d get weird.

Honorable Mention: Magna Tolvan (Star Wars: Doctor Aphra)

“But Connor, she doesn’t even have that much hair?” EXACTLY. Not many can pull off short hair. Only a handful. Charlize Theron. Renee Zellweger. Olivia Coleman. And Magna Tolvan. She deserves recognition for having the confidence and wherewithal to look this good with that hair.

And the Children Too

Ezra Bridger (Star Wars: Rebels)

Uh, are those the luscious locks of the lovely Timothee Chalamet? No, dear reader, that would be Ezra Bridger, the boy who sported the best head of lettuce out of any of the younglings in Star Wars. I mean that hair is downright powerful, feathered, and lethal. Then Ezra had to go and cut it off like a FOOL. Kids make mistakes, I get it. I thought a fauxhawk was super cool when I was 17 (and 18. and 19). But c’mon, Ezra. That hair you had was so pure, and you ruined it. I’m glad you’re in the Unknown Regions with Thrawn.

Sabine Wren (Star Wars: Rebels)

Some of you may not like this, but it’s just the truth, Sabine Wren has big-time “May I Speak to the Manager” hair. Her name might as well be Karen Wren. So why does she make the cut for this article? Because Sabine stands in stark defiance of the stereotypes associated with the orbital bob that exists around her face. Sabine wouldn’t ask for the manager–no–she’d just start blowing stuff up and threatening people with violence. Sabine is usurping expectations and pushing back against preconceived notions. And for that, I salute her.

Boba Fett (Star Wars: Attack of the Clones)

Let’s not talk about the fact that it makes no sense that Boba has such great flow even though all the other clones (who are his genetic twins) have trash hair. Let’s talk about what we definitely know — that Boba Fett isn’t a real Mandalorian. Yet, he decides to cover up that beautiful bed of romaine atop his head with a Mandalorian helmet? That’s not just disrespectful to Mandalorians, that’s disrespectful to the bald, the balding, and those of us who are proud of our lengthy, luscious locks (yeah I know, I’ve said “luscious locks” about 30 times but this article is almost done and there’s only so many adjectives for hair).

Sors Bandeam a.k.a Master Skywalker Kid a.k.a. that kid that Anakin definitely beheaded (Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith)

I don’t know, that rat tail he’s got going on isn’t that bad, right? Give me a break there’s not that many kids in Star Wars and most of their hair is hot garbage. Let’s just wrap this ridiculous article up already with an honorable mention.

Honorable Mention: Anakin Skywalker (Star Wars: The Phantom Menace)

Ha! Totally kidding. Young Anakin’s hair is horrific. Jake Lloyd’s downfall is heartbreaking and he needs love, I get that, but I can’t let this affront to good, quality cinematic hairstyling go unabashed. For all the good the hair and makeup department on this film did with Padme, look what they did to poor Ani. He’s rocking a full-blown bowl cut! Don’t try to argue with me. Remember Will from Stranger Things? That’s undeniably a bowl cut. And guess who inspired that look? Anakin Skywalker (I absolutely did not just make that fact up, no need to Google it). But hey, at least Anakin gets a blowout for the credits sequence right? He really looked great in that [checks notes] rat-tail plus spiked hair combo. Did they just let a random suburban soccer mom from 1997 do his hair in that final scene? Seriously, of all the errors in the Prequel Trilogy, Anakin’s hair is the most offensive.

Alright, if you made it this far in this absolutely ridiculous article you’re a trooper and I appreciate you so much. Feel free to find me on twitter and let me know if I missed any great pieces of hair or made any egregious errors in my judgment (which, I promise you, I did not).