Extravagant claims are best made in the parody format, and some Indian websites seem to have aced the style. If you were worried about PM Narendra Modi going back on his 2014 election promise of depositing Rs 15 lakh in the bank account of each and every Indian, here’s a declaration that he hasn’t.

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Fake news peddler Postcard.news is at it again, this time making the hilarious claim that Modi has actually given every Indian a hefty Rs 15 lakh. Although the money hasn’t seen a direct benefit transfer (DBT) to the bank accounts, but it can be nevertheless calculated as the sum total of monetary benefits accrued by Indians, thanks to Modi’s umpteen policies.

Oh, and if the piece has to be believed, there are 1.5 billion Indians, and not 1.324 billion, as the official estimates still say. But clearly we are not concerned about facts while taking this rollercoaster ride of Modi’s kept promises.

Put your seatbelts on.

Claim 1: Zakir Naik fleeing India and surgical strike of September 2016 added to Indians’ kitty.

Reality: No. Naik’s properties have nothing to do with any Indian getting any richer. And the surgical strikes made India look good, but haven’t prevented cross-border terrorism, or loss of Indian soldiers, thereby not quite acting as a deterrent. Exactly why the claim was made can be deciphered by a quantum computer, maybe someday.

Claim 2: Demonetisation broke the backbone of corrupt vultures.

Reality: The fact that 99 per cent of the demonetised notes came back into the system means that the money launderers have been super successful at getting their black money into the banking sector and turning it into white. Those parroting the government’s line that Rs 3 lakh-Rs 4 lakh crore would not return, have been left with egg on their face. Demonetisation emboldened the corrupt, in fact, while causing millions of job loss. Most importantly, demonestisation has not only been a complete dud, but the entire exercise has also been argued by some as the “world's biggest legal money laundering scheme”.

Claim 3: Dawood’s seized properties in UAE and UK made Indians richer.

Reality: Dawood Ibrahim, the notorious gangster and the perpetual bogeyman of the Modi government, cannot make Indians richer. While seizure of his UK properties have been confirmed, the news of his assets being raided in the UAE has been rubbished by UAE envoy. It seems that the pro-Modi social media went on an overdrive peddling this fake story, giving those claiming Modi has gifted all Indians Rs 15 lakh, a readymade peg to hang their tall tales on.

Claim 4: NIA raids on J&K separatists made Indians wealthier.

Reality: It was after an investigation by India Today TV that the NIA raided the premises of Hurriyat Conference separatists, including SAS Geelani, Mirwaiz Farooq, Bitta Karate and others. But how has freezing their accounts benefited the ordinary Indian who has suffered job loss, or has his/her small trade wiped out because of GST-induced restrictions and red tape?

Claim 5: Release of Lt Colonel Purohit boosted Indian defence personnel.

Reality: The Supreme Court granting bail to Lt Colonel Shrikant Purohit in the Malegaon blast case has nothing to do with Indians getting monetary benefits. Whether or not his getting bail “boosted” Indian soldiers is an intangible perception at best, though pictures of Lt Col Purohit donning the Army uniform once again were played on a loop by Modi-friendly TV channels.

Claim 6: Release of Sadhvi Pragya was about women’s empowerment.

Reality: Once again, in the Malegaon blast case, the other co-accused Sadhvi Pragya Thakur was granted bail by the Bombay High Court. Prominent feminist activists either lamented the kid-glove treatment given to those convicted in “saffron terror” cases, or expressed dismay privately. Sadhvi Pragya getting bail has sometimes been made about NIA being a “caged parrot”, and not about “women’s empowerment”, even by a long shot. And how has Sadhvi getting bail made Indians richer?

Claim 7: India was saved from future riots when government decided to deport Rohingyas.

Reality: This is a futuristic racist claim that has based its conclusion on Rohingyas being a possible cause of riots. But it doesn’t say who would be the engineers of such riots, effectively saying that the very presence of Rohingyas could lead Indians to riot-mongering, a claim many Indians would take offence at.

The prevention of future riots has been credited to Modi, but given the spate of riots (the year 2017 alone has witnessed 296 incidents of communal violence in the country so far), lynchings and the use of communal polarisation by BJP cadres as well as its national president Amit Shah, can we rule out with certainty political violence of high magnitude in the election years? Just for the record, the most recent incident of communal violence broke out in BJP-ruled Uttar Pradesh during Muharram allegedly over taking out a Tazia procession through a Hindu-dominated area in Kanpur.

Claim 8: Modi government decided to end triple talaq.

Reality: Incorrect, by a mile. It was the Supreme Court of India that ruled against triple talaq, not Modi government. Governments cannot pass judgments, or rule out laws: that’s the domain of the judiciary. And once again, how’s every Indian getting Rs 15 lakh in their bank accounts is linked to a handful of Muslim women freed from the clutches of triple talaq?

Claim 9: PM, President, CMs celebrating Navarati made Indians richer.

Reality: Er, no. When did taxpayer-funded lavish celebrations by the government guys benefit citizens and add to their kitty? The PM, the President and CMs (like Yogi Adityanath) celebrating Navaratri with public money only underlines how awfully tax revenues are getting channelised.

For example in Uttar Pradesh, the spate of deaths of children continues unabated in Gorakhpur, as CM Adityanath celebrates Janamashtami and Navaratri. Incompetent and heartless, we would say. Again, no one got any richer.

Claim 10: Since PM Modi took charge, not a single scam has taken place.

Reality: Hmm. Some say demonetisation itself is the biggest scam in the history of independent India.

So then?

Also read: Arnab Goswami isn't a liar. He covered Gujarat riots, World War II and alien invasion