NEW ORLEANS—Jolting awake in a panicked daze, local man Bill Rolinger reportedly breathed a sigh of relief early Monday morning after realizing that the nightmare he had just experienced was only a reflection of his real-life problems. “Whew! Thank God that was just a manifestation of the actual deep-seated issues that I refuse to address and that have now seeped deep into my subconscious,” said Rolinger, assuring himself that what had just transpired was nothing more than a slightly more vivid reiteration of the problems that plague him day in and day out. “I was really frightened there before I realized that everything happening was simply my sleeping mind showing itself powerless to unchain itself from my daytime fears and then translating those exact anxieties into the language of dreams. It was intense for sure, but it felt good to wake up and register the fact that it was nothing more than a passing interpretation of everything that’s chronically wrong with my life.” Rolinger reportedly then proceeded to go back to sleep, comforted in the knowledge that even if he had another nightmare, it would just be a version of the troubles that would hamper him at work tomorrow and likely for the rest of his life.

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