While the vast majority of Americans are meat eaters, USDA statistics show that a growing number of Americans are becoming vegetarians and vegans to adopt healthier diets, ensure food safety, and practice ethical eating habits. Here are some of the pros and cons of going vegetarian:

PROS

Are still allowed to smell, feel, and look at meat

Get to declare “I can’t eat this!” while throwing a meat dish on the floor

Tofu can be substituted in any non-vegetarian recipe calling for bland, flavorless chunks

Help replace environmentally harmful livestock industry with the environmentally harmful agriculture industry

Can enjoy unadulterated pleasure of slowly masticating bitter leaves and grasses

Fewer heart attacks than last year

Rewards points

Subtle nods of approval from every passing animal

Increased energy for complaining about how shitty life is now

CONS

Beef, pork, and chicken all contain meat, and you will not be allowed to eat them

Have to perfect the forced smile that accompanies choking down tempeh

May lose the weight, high cholesterol, and saturated fats you worked so hard for over the years

Get constantly pestered with questions from fascinated acquaintances

Will be forced to resign as vice president of your local Gravy Club

Could become the kind of person who asks questions about soups

No matter how many vegetables you scarf down, you will never get your picture mounted on the wall of a steakhouse

Many animals not slaughtered for consumption could go on to live long lives filled with heartbreak and disappointment

Can go back to eating meat at any time without any consequence whatsoever