Theresa May closed Conservative Party Conference in Birmingham today with an address to activists that was briefed as a lunge for the centre ground.

However, the Prime Minister’s speech was laden with hypocrisies and contradictions. Here’s just a few to pick out:

Thanking doctors and nurses….

In the speech May hailed the health service as “a vital national institution” and paid “tribute to everyone who works in the NHS.”

“We all have a story about the nurse who cared for a loved one, or a surgeon who saved the life of a friend,” she said. “So let us take this opportunity to say to those doctors and nurses – thank you.”

…but wants to kick them out

It was only yesterday that the PM was saying foreign staff were only welcome to help run our NHS in the “interim”. She said: “There will be staff here from overseas in that interim period – until the further number of British doctors are able to be trained and come on board in terms of being able to work in our hospitals.”

It doesn’t matter where you’re from…

May hailed a true meritocracy and equality of opportunity. “I want us to be a country where it doesn’t matter where you were born, who your parents are, where you went to school, what your accent sounds like, what god you worship, whether you’re a man or a woman, gay or straight, or black or white. All that should matter is the talent you have and how hard you’re prepared to work.”

…but we’ll make it harder to work if you’re not from here

She must have missed this morning’s Times front page, which reported that “companies will be forced to reveal how many foreign workers they employ under government plans to shame bosses who fail to take on British staff.” I guess it does matter where you were born, then.

Wants to reduce inequality…

May said that she wanted to build a country “where every single person – regardless of their background, or that of their parents – is given the chance to be all they want to be.”

…but is bringing back grammar schools

She pledged to reverse the last Labour government’s law which prevented new grammar schools being built: “we will lift the ban on establishing new grammar schools”.

Promises to embrace workers’ rights…

May declared that”we are the party of workers”, and has even won some praise from the TUC for her policy of putting workers on boards. She said: “Workers’ rights – not under threat from a Conservative government. Workers’ rights – protected and enhanced by a Conservative government.”

…but will plough ahead with the Trade Union Bill

It’s Labour policy to reverse the Trade Union Bill, which significantly weakens workers’ rights in a myriad of ways.

Says Labour is the Nasty Party…

Having coined the “nasty party” tag for the Tories herself, back in 2002, she turned fire on Labour to laughter and cheers: “You know what some people call them? The nasty party.”

…but is against human rights laws

Having said yesterday that she is “not a fan” of the European Convention of Human Rights, May today promised that “we are not leaving [the EU] only to return to the jurisdiction of the European Court of Justice” – so that she can take on “activist, left-wing human rights lawyers”. You know what no-one calls them? The friendly party.

Says they have a plan for Brexit…

“Do we have a plan for Brexit? We do.”

…but, well…

Has anyone seen one?