The vid speaks for itself. Currently I’m getting pussy 8 times a week. Yes it helps to be better looking than Jack Hoyt himself, but the main reason I've been so successful with the ladies is due to my experience as a wobbler. Flocks of women appear in large numbers when I whip out my black 6.5 foot cord and insert it into the controller slot. The smooth silky precision of my finger stroking the A button over and over again is enough to draw the ladies in from miles away, slowly turned on as the percent builds to 300. It sounds insane; but this is in fact the reality I live in. For it has been now 7 consecutive years in which you all have funded my extravagant lifestyle of gold chains and motel stains. You hairless rodents insist on calling these shows “smash tournaments”. A tournament involves more than ONE person competing for a prize. I’d win a Midwest tournament wearing a quail mask with Dick Cheney standing behind me holding a loaded shotgun. I could win a Champaign tournament with my controller stapled to the wall while I hurl rocks at 200 BPM at the buttons from across the room, blindfolded. If y’all just wanna throw money at me it would be much less of a hassle for my schedule if I setup a paypal account and everyone can donate to me directly. Look for me in a month at Smash Summit 5. I’ll be playing most my matches while sitting on the toilet using a wavebird.

If I make it to the voting phase I'll drop a Cal diss track.

Deegs.