Dynamic Marketing Firm Seeks Greatest Mind of Your Generation (Unpaid)

Calling all social media rockstars! Cataclysm PDX is one of the hottest PR/Marketing/Branding/Thought-Leadership firms in the webosphere representing a stable of top-tier international clients. We are alchemists of innovation, the Rumplestiltskins of branding, spinning the straw of conventional digital marketing into paradigm-shattering gold.

We’re looking for a supernaturally gifted social media intern, the Faulkner of Facebook, who is Oscar Wilde witty, as smart as Stephen Hawking, and as organized as a cyborg on the autism spectrum, with the social aplomb of Sawyer from [Lost]—you know, Season 1 in the flashback when he’s duping that woman out of her inheritance—if he was always in that two-beers-deep charisma sweet-spot.

We need a literal social media junkie, a real addict! If you haven’t jeopardized the closest relationships in your life for just a few more minutes browsing Pinterest, don’t bother applying. If you haven’t woken up after a two-day Twitter-bender in an unfamiliar hotel room with bleeding thumbs and a shattered iPhone, this job might not be for you.

Applicant must be a multi-talented ninja dynamo with Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Friendster, Grindr, Craigslist Missed Connections, Pennysaver musings, Goofus and Gallant comics, and even Google+.

We need a digital media Rain Man proficient in CSS, XML, HTML, SEO, Drupal, WordPress, obfuscating jargon, Spanish, Esperanto, and semaphore, who can solve riddles from both Trolls and Sphynxes (not optional!).

This is an entry-level internship, so naturally we’re looking for someone with at least 2-4 years experience managing social media accounts and who has negotiated at least one Super Bowl ad-buy.

We cannot offer any sort of payment or college credit at this time, and actually, with public transportation costs and fun/mandatory (fun-datory!) team-building happy hours, you’ll more likely be hemorrhaging money by taking this job. But the experience will be priceless. Hey, maybe you should be paying us. ;)

If this sounds like the job for you, send in a resume like none we’ve ever seen, with six (6) professional references, three (3) personal references, and four (4) references to ’90s pop culture (no Heavyweights references, please), two (2) writing samples, two (2) history-making ideas, something of your grandmother’s that cannot be replaced, and a cover letter addressing the following questions:

Why do you want to work at Cataclysm?

What aspect(s) of Google AdWords gets you physically aroused?

Is it pronounced gif or jif? (We are, of course, referring to the peanut butter here.)

How are you?

No, really, how are you?

What were the causes of World War I, and how did the Treaty of Versailles seek to rectify these issues for the international community? As a follow-up, tell us about a time you had a conflict with a co-worker and how you resolved it.

After uploading your resume to our website (cataclysmpdx.biz), please manually fill the same information into our cumbersome, buggy online application form. After hitting “submit” you will be taken to a 404 error page, unable to go back or confirm that your materials have been received.

Apply now!