According to literally everybody on planet Earth, it's apparently impossible for two people to make it to 24 years of age without ever having been to the most magical place on Earth.

In fact, whenever you tell a person you've never been to Disneyland, they go through at least seven different stages of stunning disbelief before telling you that you have to — no, listen: YOU. HAVE. TO. — get in a car and drive to Disneyland immediately, because every second you waste not being at Disneyland is apparently crushing your soul into tiny bits of magic-less oblivion. And then their eyes glaze over and their body begins to shake in the throes of a nostalgic fit and you have no choice but to appease them by saying that fine, yes, all right, you'll GO, just calm down for the love of god.

Mere hours later, you find yourself in a car bound for the magical land of Disney, and there's no going back. You're going to Disneyland for the first time, as a grown-ass adult, and there's nothing you can do about it.

And this is what you learn: