I, the master of potato death, fully believe that potatoes should be the only thing one may eat on the holidays. To do otherwise is blasphemy to the potato deities.

Sure, meat might be tempting, but to consume flesh on a day of personal peace instead of consuming righteous potatoes is simply not to be done. One must free themself of unearthly pleasure, and only focus on the truly important thing: potatoes.

The potato deities will send you to Ireland instead of Soviet Russia if you don’t follow their commands to eat potatoes. To stay a pure being in the eyes of the deities, you must eat only potatoes on the holidays. This is why I beg of you to come to your senses, and join the potato army.