I was Mormon for 66 years of my life. During that time, I never met God. I never saw God except in paint and sculpture. He is a concept in my mind. My kids are real, living flesh and blood. Abraham is a stark example of Mormon God. I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry. If God were to tell me to kill my child, I would firmly let Him know that I was not willing to commit an immoral act. And, that He as God should embrace the common morals that mankind already understands: Killing children is heinous. If my morality (not being willing to kill my child) sends me to hell…fine. I’m still going to love my children above the “invisible God,” as Paul referred to him.

In January 2018, my stake president threatened excommunication for publicly speaking out against Mormon policies that were harming children. He said that he had an obligation to protect “the good name” of the Church. I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry. I put the safety of children above “the good name” of any church. It’s ironic & detestable that ‘Jesus Christ’ would be part of the name of a church which puts protecting their name above the interests of children.

On the eve of my hunger strike in July 2018, the stake president told me that he’d received this revelation for me: “Walk away, Sam. Walk away.” According to Mormon doctrine, the stake president represents Mormon God’s will. Well…I no longer revere a God whose will is that adults are to “walk away” from children who are being hurt.

In September 2018, the Mormon Church told me to disavow my words and actions regarding their treatment of children. If I didn’t, they would excommunicate. A threat from the Mormon God. If I didn’t shut up, sit down and stop my warning cry in behalf of all children in the LDS Church, I would be branded with the scarlet letter ‘A.’ ‘A’ for apostasy. Sorry Mormon God, but I’m not sorry. I have more respect and love for children than I do for a God who loves silence over safety.

Mormon bishops are called by Mormon God. This year several sitting bishops have been arrested for sex crimes. One was caught in an undercover human trafficking investigation trying to recruit prostitutes to work for him. One for sexually abusing boys in his ward. One for molesting over 30 children. And a few days ago, a bishop was arrested for distributing child porn. The police believe he has sexually assaulted children in Utah and other states. All these men were called by Mormon God and given “unfettered access” to children alone behind closed doors.

Really? This is the God Mormons worship? I used to be Mormon. I used to worship Mormon God. Excommunication was a gift that opened my eyes. No longer will I revere a God who possesses less decency than a common man.