The “Big Fat Phony” guy, whose name is Holden Caulfield, from the animated TV show Family Guy is one of the funniest characters ever! Just looking at him makes me chuckle; with his curly brown hair, chubby cheeks, wireframe glasses, and simple baby blue crew neck t-shirt. He also has a voice only a mother would love. See the video.

But, it’s the strength of his conviction and his determination that have to be admired. These are the attributes that make this character worthy of being today’s “offer”.

The character appeared in Family Guy Season 3 - “The Kiss Seen Around The World“

At a toy store shopping for a tricycle with his son Stewie, Peter Griffin pretended that he was playing a keyboard while a bystander, Holden Caulfield, watched and enjoyed the music. At one point, Holden admiringly states to Peter:

My God, that’s amazing! You are so talented.

However, after discovering that the keyboard was actually just playing itself, Holden dramatically proclaims:

Wait a second! Something’s not right here. You were just making it look like you were playing. You’re a phony. Hey, this guy’s a great big phony! Hey, you’re a great big phony you know that?

After the Griffin family finished their shopping, they headed to their car. Holden, showing some ingenuity, actually figures out where the Griffin family had parked and spray paints “Phony” on their car. As he sees the Griffin family approach their car, he yells out:

That’s right. You’re a big fat phony!

He then runs away.

Later on, Holden finds where Peter lives (now that’s dedication) and exclaims the following statements to the entire neighborhood while pointing at Peter as he watches through the window (see top pic):

Hey, you know who lives in this house!? A GREAT BIG PHONY! That’s right, a phony lives here. A BIG FAT PHONY!

So, what did we learn from this?

Well first of all, don’t pretend to do something that you can’t in front of someone who is mentally unstable. Secondly, if you are not sure that your point was made…try over and over again.

To the writers of Family Guy…

Bring back Holden Caufield ! Bring him back in every episode to really piss off your viewers. Why not? You guys brought back that annoying, fighting chicken so many times. And you made that creepy old guy Herbert, a real shining star.

Our Poker Table Advice

The next time someone bluffs you out of a pot at a poker game and then flips over their cards to rub it in, you can say something like: “Hey, you didn’t really have pocket Aces…You’re a phony! Hey, this guy’s a GREAT BIG PHONY! That’s right. You’re a big fat phony!“. Remember to point at him too.

And whenever you’re in a hand with this guy or if he even looks in your direction, keep reminding him that he’s a “phony” by saying: “You’re a phony, you know that? You’re a BIG FAT PHONY!“.

Also, when you have to take a break, stand up, point at the “phony” and proclaim to the entire room: “Hey, you know who’s playing poker at this table? A great big phony! That’s right! A phony’s playing here. A BIG FAT PHONY!“.