TINY TOONS FAN FICTION

WHEN FIFI MET TAILS

Written by Stephen Ricketts & Rkerekes13

Tiny Toon Adventures (c) Warner Bros

Tails & Doctor Robotnik (c) SEGA

NOTE: In this story, Tails is 16 years old.

ACME LOONIVERSITY

Fifi was in Pepe Le Pew’s class, along with her friends, Babs, Shirley and Buster.

PEPE: ‘And zat concludes today’s class. Before you go, I have how you say an announcement to make. Zis Friday night eez ze school dance, where ze girls get to ask ze guys.’

The bell ran, and Gogo Dodo popped out of the clock.

GOGO: ‘School’s out for today. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!’

The Tiny Toons all came out, and Fifi was feeling depressed.

BABS: ‘Hey Fifi, why the sad face?’

SHIRLEY: ‘Yeah, like are you going to ask Hamton to the dance?’

FIFI: ‘Hamton eez away, and won’t be back until next Wednesday.’

BABS: ‘I’m sorry I didn’t know. I know who I’m going to ask. Hey Buster!’

BUSTER: ‘Yes, Babs?’

BABS: (stroking Buster’s chin) ‘Will you go with me to the school dance this Friday?’

BUSTER: (blushing) ‘Yes Babs. I love it when you do that.’

SHIRLEY: ‘Plucky.’

PLUCKY: (walking up to her) ‘Yes Shirley.’

SHIRLEY: ‘Like, will you go to the school dance with me this Friday?’

PLUCKY: ‘Sure, and maybe afterward we could...’

SHIRLEY: ‘Like, don’t push it Plucky, or I might ask someone else instead.’

She walked off.

PLUCKY: ‘Well, if that’s the way you feel, fine. One date, one dance. No games.’

FIFI: (to Babs) ‘Vou and Shirley both have ze dates, and I don’t.’

She ran off.

BABS: ‘Fifi.’

ACME JUNKYARD

Fifi was lying on the bed in her Cadillac, reading a romance novel. She was lying in the same position as in, “Aroma Amore.”

FIFI: (to herself) ‘Le sigh.’

She heard noise outside, and she looked out the window. She saw a teenage fox boy with two tails, looking around the area. Fifi’s eyes turned into big hearts.

FIFI: ‘Ooh-la-la! Look at zat hunk!’

She got up, and sprayed perfume, and combed her hair.

FIFI: ‘I’ve finally found a date.’

The fox outside was Tails, and he was looking for something.

TAILS: ‘Princess Sally said it landed down here somewhere.’

Fifi came out of the Cadillac, and she ran up to Tails.

FIFI: ‘Bonjour, mon amore.’

Tails saw Fifi, and blushed.

TAILS: ‘Err hi. My name is Tails.’

FIFI: ‘I’m Fifi. So, are you how you say, new at Acme Acres?’

TAILS: ‘Well, this is my first time here. I was sent here to find a crystal. It’s called a Chaos Emerald.’

FIFI: ‘Well, if you find it, I hope you don’t have to leave right away. There’s eez ze school dance zis Friday, and I don’t have a date.’

Tails put his hand on Fifi’s shoulder.

TAILS: ‘I will be honoured to go with you to the school dance.’

Fifi’s eyes lit up.

FIFI: (hugging Tails) ‘Oh thank you.’

THE NEXT DAY AT ACME LOONIVERSITY

It was lunchtime, and Fifi, Babs and Shirley were sitting at a table. Fifi was smiling.

BABS: ‘Fifi, you’re smiling. You have a date, don’t you? Who is it?’

FIFI: ‘Well, he eez cute.’

SHIRLEY: ‘Is it someone we know?’

FIFI: ‘No, actually he doesn’t live in Acme Acres.’

BABS/ SHIRLEY: (surprised) ‘Huh?’

THAT AFTERNOON

Buster was walking along the footpath.

BUSTER: ‘Tomorrow is the dance, and I’m all excited.’

The three alligator sisters showed up.

BIG BOO: ‘Word has it there is a school dance at the Acme Looniversity.’

LITTLE BOO: ‘We heard all about it, and we want to go with you to the dance.’

SISSY BOO: ‘Aren’t you excited?’

BUSTER: ‘Sorry girls, but I already have a date.’

The sisters huddled for a second, and they looked at Buster.

BIG BOO: ‘Get him!’

Buster screamed and ran off, and the alligators chased after him.

THAT EVENING

Tails rushes up to the Cadillac carrying two bottles of cherry soda. He knocks on the door four times.

FIFI: (sweet, sing-songy tone) ‘Come een!’

Tails enters the Cadillac and gazes around in amazement. Fifi lies seductively on her bed, gazing at Tails flirtatiously. Tails walks over to the cupboard and takes out two fancy glasses and sets them on a small TV tray right next to Fifi's bed.

TAILS: ‘This is very nice.’

FIFI: ‘Merci.’

TAILS: (pouring the soda into the glasses) ‘Would you like some cherry soda?’

FIFI: ‘Oui.’

TAILS: (looking around) ‘I just can't get over the size of this room.’

FIFI: ‘Well, my Cadillac eez mostly made up of one room. Eet's perfect for juggling.’

TAILS: ‘What for?’

FIFI: ‘For juggling. When vous practeece, zee balls would always bounce off ze walls.’

TAILS: (not looking up; putting the top on the soda bottle) ‘Do you juggle a lot?’

Fifi leans over and turns on the radio. It's the same romantic music played on the radio in "Silver Streak".

FIFI: ‘I know what goes where and why.’

Tails finally turns to Fifi and smiles, amused.

TAILS: ‘I like that song. If I ever hear it again, it'll be difficult not to think of you.’

FIFI: ‘Vous put zat very nicely!’

TAILS: ‘Thanks!’

Tails takes the two glasses and walks over to Fifi's bed. He joins her and hands her one of the glasses.

TAILS: ‘To true friendship.’

FIFI: ‘Friendsheep zat lasts forever.’

They kiss on the lips and toast their glasses (you know what I mean!). They quickly drink down their drinks. Tails shows Fifi his white and red shoes.

TAILS: ‘You like my shoes?’

FIFI: ‘Oui, I do. Why don't vous take zem off? Vous can put zem een my closet and I shall have zem shined for vous een zee morneeng.’

TAILS: ‘Really?’

FIFI: ‘Mm-hmm!’

TAILS: ‘That's awesome! (He notices a large book lying on the floor. Pepe Le Pew is on the cover.) Is that Pepe Le Pew's work?”

FIFI: “Mm-hmm. He gave moi zis copy for safe keepeeng.’

Tails gets up and heads to the closet. He takes off his shoes and socks.

FIFI: ‘Would vous like to read eet?’

TAILS: (throwing his shoes in the closet and his socks on the floor) ‘Uh uh.’

Tails gets back to the bed and rejoins Fifi. He lies down with her and wiggles his furry toes.

TAILS: ‘Slide over.’

Fifi does so as they both gaze out the window.

FIFI: ‘Eet's beautiful, eezn't eet?’

TAILS: ‘It sure is.’

They start kissing and kissing under the next lines.

FIFI: ‘Tails?’

TAILS: ‘Yeah?’

FIFI: ‘Do vous really like sports?’

TAILS: ‘I really, really do. But I have a confession to make.’

FIFI: ‘Oh?’

TAILS: ‘I'm a better expert on gardening.’

FIFI: ‘Really?’

TAILS: ‘Really really. It's one of my hobbies.’

Fifi starts to smother Tails in more passion than he could possibly ever want. Tails sinks deep into the pillow. He is obviously overwhelmed in receiving so much passion.

FIFI: ‘Well, eez zere anyzeeng zat vous might want to pass on?’

TAILS: ‘You mean about gardening?’

FIFI: ‘Some helpful heents for ze begeenner.’

TAILS: ‘Well, one tip is, always be nasty to nasturtiums.’

FIFI: ‘Eez zat so?’

TAILS: ‘They love it.’

FIFI: ‘Zey like eet rough?’

TAILS: ‘The rougher the better.’

FIFI: (snuggling her face against his cheek) ‘What else should I know?’

TAILS: ‘I could teach you the secret of how to treat azaleas.’

FIFI: ‘Oh, tell moi. I am all ears.’

TAILS: (giggles) ‘I can see that. Well, just treat them the same way as you would a begonia.’

FIFI: ‘No kidding.’

TAILS: ‘It's gospel.’

FIFI: ‘Vous mean what vous are sayeeng eez what's good for azaleas eez good for begonias?’

TAILS: ‘Yep!’

FIFI: ‘Tails, zis eez, how you say, fascinateeng!’

TAILS: ‘I knew you be interested.’

FIFI: ‘I'd like to delve deeper!’

TAILS: ‘Be my guest.’

FIFI: ‘Merci.’

TAILS: ‘You're welcome.’

Now Fifi starts snuggling her face against his furry chest and starts smothering his chest in tender kisses. Tails is still enjoying it.

FIFI: ‘Tails?’

TAILS: ‘Yeah?’

FIFI: ‘What would happeen if vous treated an azalea like a nasturtium?’

TAILS: (slowly closing his eyes as if in a dream) ‘Oh, now this is the really interesting part...’

But before Tails can finish, a noise is heard outside, but Fifi doesn't hear it. Sonic the Hedgehog is dangling outside the window that Tails is facing. Tails sees Sonic and reacts in sheer terror.

TAILS: ‘SONIC!!’

Tails frantically crawls to the window and Sonic drops down unconscious. Fifi finally joins Tails in looking out the window.

FIFI: ‘What eez eet, Tails?’

TAILS: ‘Did you see it? Did you see him?’

FIFI: ‘See who?’

TAILS: ‘My friend Sonic was hanging outside this window! He was unconscious! I should do something! I should report it the freedom fighters back on planet Mobius!’

FIFI: (in a very sweet and motherlike tone) ‘Oh, Tails, I'm sure vous saw somezeeng. Vous probably saw an insect or an owl. (As if on cue, an owl flies past the window.) See? Like zat. Eet could have been anyzeeng out zere.’

TAILS: (still stricken with fear) ‘But his eyes were so clear!’

FIFI: ‘Well, why don't vous call ze poleece and tell zem your story?’

TAILS: ‘I feel dizzy.’

FIFI: ‘Just lie down.’

Tails does so. His head sinks back into the pillow. He calms down.

TAILS: ‘If this is what the DTs are like, I'm gonna give up the bottle for life.’

FIFI: (gently rubbing him on the forehead) ‘Your mind plays funny treecks on vous all ze time. Now vous know zat, Tails. Eet's okay. Just relax.’

TAILS: (smiling) ‘That sure is a pretty song.’

FIFI: (sweetly) ‘Eet eez, eezn't eet?’

TAILS: ‘You're very beautiful, Fifi.’

FIFI: ‘I like vous too, Tails.’

They both smile warmly at each other and kiss each other full on the lips.

THE NEXT DAY

Fifi gave Tails met up outside the Acme Junkyard.

TAILS: ‘Thanks for shining my shoes, Fifi.’

FIFI: ‘Vou are welcome.’

TAILS: ‘So when is the dance?’

FIFI: ‘It eez tonight at seven-o-clock.’

TAILS: ‘I’ll be there.’

Suddenly, Bimbette Skunk walked up, and looked at Tails.

BIMBETTE: ‘Ooh, you must be new here at Acme Acres. Will you like to be my boyfriend?’

She wrapped her tail around Tails, and fluttered her eyelashes. Fifi became mad, like in, “How I Spent My Vacation.”

TAILS: (pushing Bimbette’s tail away from him) ‘Thanks, but no thanks. Fifi’s my girl.’

He hugged Fifi, and she wrapped her tail around him.

BIMBETTE: ‘Hmph.’

Bimbette walked off.

FIFI: ‘So Tails, are you going to continue finding zee emerald you were on about?’

TAILS: ‘Yes I am. I’ll see you tonight. Have a good day at school.’

THAT EVENING: 6:00PM

It was getting dark, and Doctor Robotnik had arrived in his Egg-O-Matic hovercraft.

ROBOTNIK: ‘The Chaos Emerald is here somewhere. Why else is that little freedom fighter Tails snooping around here?’

He looked at the monitor on his dashboard, and zoomed in on Fifi, who couldn’t be seen clearly, because it was dark outside.

ROBOTNIK: (looking at Fifi) ‘Princess Sally? So she is looking for the Chaos Emerald too. Maybe she already has it. But not for long.’

He zoomed down in his Egg-O-Matic, and grabbed Fifi with its mechanical pincers, and flew up.

FIFI: ‘Hey! Let go of me, or vou weel be sorry!’

ROBOTNIK: (surprised) ‘What the?’

He looked down, and got a good look at Fifi.

ROBOTNIK: ‘You’re not Sally.’

Fifi pointed her tail at Robotnik, who gasped. She sprayed Robotnik, who sat back down.

ROBOTNIK: (covering his nose) ‘This stinks!’

He pressed a button on the dashboard, and the pincers opened, letting Fifi go. She fell towards the ground screaming. Tails flew up in time to grab her, and brought her safely to the ground.

FIFI: ‘Merci, Tails. Who was zat mad man?’

TAILS: ‘He’s trouble.’

Robotnik’s Egg-O-Matic flew away, and went through a portal.

TAILS: ‘That portal must lead to Mobius. You know Fifi, you kinda look like a friend of mine. Her name is Princess Sally, and I’m guessing he must have thought you were her.’

FIFI: ‘Zat’s right. He did call me Sally. Deed you find zat emerald you’ve been looking for?’

TAILS: ‘I’m afraid I haven’t. I checked everywhere around Acme Acres. Maybe it didn’t land here after all.’

FIFI: ‘Or maybe someone got to eet first. Perhaps after the school dance, I’ll help you look for zee emerald.’

TAILS: ‘Thanks Fifi.’

He kissed Fifi on the lips.

FIFI: ‘Vou are a good kisser.’

TAILS: (blushing) ‘Thank you.’

ACME LOONIVERSITY: 7:00PM

Fifi and Tails showed up at the school dance, and they met up with Buster, Babs, Plucky and Shirley.

BUSTER: ‘Hey Fifi, who’s your friend?’

FIFI: ‘Just some guy I met a few days ago. He is here on vacation.’

TAILS: ‘My name is Tails.’

BUSTER: ‘I’m Buster Bunny.’

BABS: ‘And I’m Babs Bunny.’

BUSTER/ BABS: ‘No relation.’

PLUCKY: ‘I’m Plucky Duck. Hey Fifi, does Hamton know about this...’

Shirley whacked Plucky with a mallet.

SHIRLEY: ‘I’m Shirley. It’s like nice to meet you, Tails.’

TAILS: ‘It’s nice to meet you all, too.’

Fifi, Tails and the other toons began dancing.

The alligators showed up about ten minutes later.

BIG BOO: (looking at Buster) ‘There he is.’

BUSTER: ‘Oh no not again.’

LITTLE BOO: ‘We still want to marry you.’

SISSY BOO: ‘We’ll be great together.’

BIG BOO: ‘We’ve even got a priceless jewel we found in the woods. See?’

She held out the Purple Chaos Emerald.

TAILS: ‘It’s the Chaos Emerald.’

A portal opened, and Robotnik stepped through. Tails gasped.

TAILS: ‘It’s Robotnik.’

ROBOTNIK: (snatching the Emerald from Big Boo) ‘Thank you for finding what is rightfully mine. As a reward, you and your friends, will be robotisized.’

TAILS: ‘Not if I can help it.’

He attacked Robotnik, and grabbed the emerald from him.

SISSY BOO: ‘Let’s get out of here!’

The alligators ran out of the room. Tails and Robotnik were still struggling. Tails hit Robotnik’s wrist watch, and damaged it. Robotnik threw Tails to the ground.

ROBOTNIK: ‘My portable portal device is destroyed. I am out of here.’

He escaped through the closing portal, and the toons cheered.

FIFI: (to Tails) ‘Vou are my hero.’

She kissed him, and the prom dance continued.

ACME JUNKYARD

Fifi and Tails were in the Cadillac, and Tails was holding the Chaos Emerald.’

TAILS: ‘I got the Chaos Emerald back.’

FIFI: ‘I guess zis means vou will be leaving soon.’

TAILS: ‘Well, I don’t have to leave yet. I can spend another night in Acme Acres. I’m glad I met you, Fifi. Whenever I hear that romantic music, I’ll think of you.’

Fifi smiled, and they kissed on the lips.

THE END

FICTITIOUS CAST LIST

KATH SOUCIE: Fifi La Fume/ Little Boo/ Bimbette

ROBBY BENSON: Tails

GAIL MATTHIUS: Shirley the Loon/ Sissy Boo

TRESS MACNEILLE: Babs Bunny/ Big Boo

CHARLES ADLER: Buster Bunny

JOE ALASKEY: Plucky Duck

MAURICE LAMARCHE: Pepe Le Pew

FRANK WELKER: Gogo Dodo

JIM CUMMINGS: Doctor Robotnik

END TAGS

FIFI: ‘Au revoir, mon petite potato de couch!

ALLIGATORS: ‘YOOOO HOOOOO!!!!!!’

NOTE: The scene called, “That Evening,” was written entirely by Rkerekes13. Tails was originally voiced by Bradley Pierce in this scene, but since Robby Benson has been cast as the voice of Tails for this fan fiction, all of Tails’ lines in this scene are completely re-recorded by Robby Benson himself.

16.1.2007