Friday drinks, team-building events, Christmas parties, workplaces running clubs. Sometimes it seems work is more about the socialising than doing your actual job.

"We tend to think of socialising as just informal interactions between people, but it can have real consequences," says strategy and diversity consultant Heidi Sundin.

"Social events provide people with the opportunity to get to know their bosses and supervisors and talk about their interests, projects and ambitions."

Yet when executives or senior management sit down to decide promotions or pay rises, Ms Sundin says they are more likely to focus on candidates they know well or who they've had the most contact with. This often includes interactions outside the office or out of business hours.

"It's generally accepted that people who get more face time with managers do experience these kind of [career] benefits," she says.

So where does that leave you if you're not able to hang out with your colleagues?

Have you found it difficult to socialise with your work colleagues and felt excluded? We're keen to hear and share your experiences. Email life@abc.net.au

Inaccessible events

Work events have long been horrible experiences for Amanda Lawrie-Jones, who uses a wheelchair.

Amanda Lawrie-Jones says employers need to realise that diversity is a reality, and inclusion is a choice. ( Supplied )

She says an employer once held a team building event at a lawn bowls club. Not only was it an activity she couldn't participate in, the venue itself was located up a steep path.

She struggled to push herself up to the entrance, but inside the building things were even worse.

"[Everything was on] high bench tables. I couldn't reach food, I couldn't reach drinks. I also couldn't participate in conversation because everyone was standing up or sitting on high stools, so I had no-one at eye level to speak to me."

Feeling thoroughly excluded, Amanda left after 20 minutes.

Recently she found herself in a similar situation, turning up to a venue she was told was accessible. In reality, it wasn't.

She had two options: wheel herself several blocks to access the waterfront venue from the other side (in 40-degree heat, no less) or go home.

Amanda went home.

"I'm a contractor and not permanent staff. [I missed out] on the opportunity to network and find out a little bit more about other colleagues and what they do."

She finds her situation particularly maddening as she is a disability inclusion consultant, and organisations hire her specifically to advise them on these issues.

Amanda says employers need to realise that diversity is a reality, and inclusion is a choice.

"If you're going to ask about dietary requirements at your events, why not ask about accessibility requirements?"

Employers need to consider accessibility for everyone when planning work events. ( Unsplash: Yomex Owo )

For people who find themselves in similar situations, Amanda suggests speaking up.

"People don't know what they don't know," she says. "Unless people are exposed to disability, it is hard for them to 'learn'."

Some people with disability have a different view and feel that it shouldn't be up to them to 'teach' others.

Amanda says that's a valid point but she personally doesn't mind. She concedes she has big reserves of confidence and resilience, so these suggestions may not be for everyone:

Focus on feelings: Raise the issue with someone at work, perhaps your boss, or the person who organised the event, and focus on how it made you feel. "Because feelings can never actually be wrong, as far as I'm concerned … that'll give you more impact."

Raise the issue with someone at work, perhaps your boss, or the person who organised the event, and focus on how it made you feel. "Because feelings can never actually be wrong, as far as I'm concerned … that'll give you more impact." Use questions: "I often pose the issue (especially around behaviour) as a question. Something like, 'Do you think that behaviour is acceptable?' That way you are only just asking for an opinion — you're not 'telling them off'."

"I often pose the issue (especially around behaviour) as a question. Something like, 'Do you think that behaviour is acceptable?' That way you are only just asking for an opinion — you're not 'telling them off'." Write a piece for the office intranet: Amanda did this after the lawn bowls event. Sadly, it ended up resulting in a lot of blowback and hostility. Even so, she stands by her decision and says it can still be helpful if your workplace has a more open and considerate culture, as writing can make your experience understood more widely.

Amanda did this after the lawn bowls event. Sadly, it ended up resulting in a lot of blowback and hostility. Even so, she stands by her decision and says it can still be helpful if your workplace has a more open and considerate culture, as writing can make your experience understood more widely. Suggest a solution: After missing the recent drinks event, Amanda suggested the office start using an accessibility checklist for events, like this one. Her colleagues loved the idea.

Amanda's advice for employers:

Run disability awareness training: "People have a lot of fear around how to communicate with people with disability. Alleviating that fear only comes through exposure," Amanda says. There are e-training options, as well as in-person training programs. The Australian Network on Disability is a good place to start.

"People have a lot of fear around how to communicate with people with disability. Alleviating that fear only comes through exposure," Amanda says. There are e-training options, as well as in-person training programs. The Australian Network on Disability is a good place to start. Ask for input: Simply ask employees what their accessibility requirements are. Do they need low tables? A quieter environment? Braille signage? Broaching the conversation can help ensure an inclusive event.

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Office drinks when you don't drink

Mohamed is a 26-year-old lawyer and says virtually all his work-related events are centred around alcohol.

While he doesn't drink, he doesn't mind being around people who are. What bothers him more is the expense involved.

"Our social community [at work] is called the Wine Club and they have an annual event that costs a lot of money, which is only worth it if you actually drink alcohol," he laughs.

"Sometimes I'm like, 'do I really want to spend $100 and only drink Pepsi?"

Wine club is less fun when you don't drink. ( Pexels: Helena Lopes )

For others, not drinking can lead to more obvious exclusion: simply not being invited.

Ali* is a diversity representative at a large organisation. He drinks, but he tells me about a conversation he recently overheard: it was an Iraqi man lamenting to his partner on the phone about how his colleagues went to the pub every Friday, but never invited him.

"He was saying he felt so excluded that it was getting to his mental health. He was so miserable," Ali recalls.

He felt for the Iraqi man. Through his work and his own experiences, Ali understands intimately the barriers people from multicultural backgrounds can face in the workplace.

"Australia places a big value on mateship, so not being part of the group means you're [an outsider] … that's going to hurt your [career advancement] chances."

So how can socialising at work be a more inclusive experience?

"It's really not about being the fun police," Ms Sundin says. "Of course if people want to go for a drink at the pub after work to relax, go for it.

"It's more about being mindful and conscious of individual needs and ensuring there are multiple types of events that include others."

Ms Sundin's advice for employers:

Ask questions: Simply ask people what would work for them and what their constraints are — don't assume.

Simply ask people what would work for them and what their constraints are — don't assume. Aim for variety: Organise some events during the workday, or events that don't involve drinking, like lunchtime gatherings over food.

Organise some events during the workday, or events that don't involve drinking, like lunchtime gatherings over food. Mitigate awkwardness: For non-drinking events, help people with making introductions or include structured networking, because lots of people can be socially awkward without a drink to help them relax.

And if you're an employee who is feeling excluded, she suggests:

Seek support: Find out if your organisation has an Inclusion and Diversity Committee or D&I manager and raise these issues.

Find out if your organisation has an Inclusion and Diversity Committee or D&I manager and raise these issues. Speak up: Talk to your manager and colleagues about potential constraints.

Talk to your manager and colleagues about potential constraints. Suggest ideas: Make suggestions of social events that include everyone. If your organisation has a social club, go through them.

Business benefits

Ultimately, making people feel included is good for business.

"When you have a high amount of diversity and high level of inclusion, what happens is overall engagement in the company increases," Ali says. That means you get more committed employees.

Research from Diversity Council Australia also shows workers in inclusive teams are ten times more likely to be highly effective, and nine times more likely to innovate.

That's something to drink to — with a soft drink or a beer.

*Name changed for privacy