Doctors say take an aspirin every day. Don't. Cayenne powder is better.

I didn't grow up wanting to be a professional wrestler. I wanted to be an electrical engineer. I was a big, strong kid, working at the Ford Motor Company. Fixing machinery. Guy told me, "Take up professional wrestling. You'll make enough to pay your way through college." "Oh," I said, "okay."

When I started, I was Wladek Kowalski. My name changed on one day -- all because of a cauliflower ear.

You know what a cauliflower ear is? Good. I was wrestling a guy in Montreal. Yukon Eric. I used to jump off the top rope and put my shinbone across my opponent's chest. So I tied Yukon Eric up in the ropes. Then I climbed to the top turnbuckle and jumped. He saw me coming and tried to turn away. But my shinbone scraped his cheek so tight, it caught his cauliflower ear. The ear flew off and rolled across the ring like a little ball. The referee picked it up. It was still throbbing. He looked over at me and said, "That's his ear." Then he looked around for Yukon Eric. Yukon Eric was already headed back to the dressing room with a towel wrapped around his head.

The ref put the ear in his pocket and said, "What should I do?" I said, "Raise my arm. I'm the only one left."

A few days later, I went to get paid at the wrestling office. They asked me to go to the hospital and apologize. Apologize? I never apologized in my life. But I went to the hospital. There were a bunch of newspaper reporters in the hallway. But I got inside his room. Yukon Eric was sitting on the edge of the bed with bandages wrapped around his head. What could I say? All I could think of was, "Humpty-Dumpty sat on the wall. Humpty-Dumpty had a great fall." It was the first thing that came to mind. He looked up and smiled. I started to laugh. What else could you do?

But the only thing the reporters outside could hear was the sound of my laughter. The next day, the newspapers were filled with stories of me laughing at the sight of Yukon Eric's missing ear. When I walked to the ring the next week, people were throwing bottles at me. "You're nothing but a killer!" someone screamed. From that moment on, I was Killer Kowalski.

I had more than six thousand matches. As I walked into the ring before every one of them, I meditated. I visualized an image of Jesus casting his light over the ring and the crowd.

Someone once threw a pig's ear at me. A woman once came up to me after a match and said, "I'm glad you didn't get hurt." Then she stabbed me in the back with a knife. After a while, I got police escorts to and from the ring.

I've been a vegetarian fifty-three years now. Lots of vitamins. No milk. Little or no cheese.

Here's how I invented the Iron Claw. I would drive between matches with a tennis ball in my lap. I've got the wheel in one hand and I'm squeezing the tennis ball with the other. Squeeze. Squeeze. Squeeze. Then I'd switch hands. After a couple of months, I had a tremendous grip. I'd put my thumb in the guy's solar plexus, and he'd scream in agony.

People said, "Yeah, but how's the Iron Claw gonna work on Haystack Calhoun?" He was about six hundred pounds. I'll tell you what happened. I got him on his back in the middle of the ring. I'm on my knees, and I put a claw hold on his stomach. I put it on so hard to get through all that blubber that I was screaming. Well, he farted. The fumes were so devastating, I started to pass out. He rolled over, jumped on top of me, and pinned me. It was the best move he had.

A lot of women proposed to me over the years -- from all over the world. I was in Australia once. A woman said, "Take me with you." I said, "I can't." She said, "Why not?" I said, "You don't fit in my suitcase."

To be a professional wrestler, you've got to be able to talk. I learned by arguing with the radio as I drove between matches. The announcer would say, "It's a beautiful day. Eighty-two degrees." And I'd start screaming back, "Lies! Lies! Lies! Never has the temperature been lower than it is today!" I'd be going at it with the radio all day long.

Classical. Mozart especially.

Of course I can show you how to do it! Is there a steel chair around here?

A sad thing happened to Yukon Eric. He was always on the road. Some guy convinced Yukon Eric's wife to take all his money out of their account and take off. After he found out, he went to the church where they'd been married and committed suicide.

I got married for the first time last year. On June 19. People ask me, "How can you get married now? You're seventy-nine years old. And Theresa will be seventy-eight in September." I say, "What could I do? She told me she was pregnant."

Our honeymoon? We're still on it.

If I had to do it all over again -- I'd be an electrical engineer.

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