Yesterday I turned on my television and then scrolled through my social media feed, reading lists of online magazines and newspapers, as well as various other reliable and not so reliable sources. I came to find out that we are in the midst of a campaign year. Wait, when did this happen and where have I been? Clearly what I have been reading the last few months has been fictitious right? The plot of some newly released movie or a Netflix original? This is the real deal? Seriously, are we in the midst of a reality show being played out on the national and international stages?

My first thought, after checking with my neighbor to ensure that I was in fact interpreting the facts correctly, was to stop the woman who walks her dog past my house every day and double check the information. Evidently, it’s true; the Democrats and Republicans are at it again.

Somehow it does not make sense. I have been following the “cluster muster” that has surfaced, resurfaced, been buried, resurrected, reconstructed, reconstituted, regurgitated, and resembles a presidential campaign. But, I had no idea this was actually the real deal.

It is as if Kris Jenner got everyone in a room on both sides of the aisle and, after realizing there were no sex tapes to leak (for now), hatched a plan to make politics and the road to the White House the ultimate cold sore on the collective lip of the country. That has to be it, right? With all those cameras rolling, minus those outlets that have been banned from certain press conferences or pushed back from the forefront of the “orange haze” that seems to suck the logic, compassion, and basic human decency from all who gaze upon it.

I love this country; I am in awe of her resiliency and that of the many different faces of all shapes, colors and size that make up these United States of America. I just didn’t realize that this was not an attempt by some network to marry Scandal and The Real Housewives of Duck Dynasty to create a show that would capture the ratings and divide our country as no other event has in more years than I care to count without taking off my shoes and socks.

This is real, this is happening, and I am not sure what I can offer as a solution. And then it hit me. One side of the isle, well to be fair one person in particular, is wasting precious time and resources. No need for walls, racial and religious profiling or any other acts. All these ideas take too much effort. The answer for the “orange haze” is clear, cannibalism.

It is certainly not a new idea, cannibalism, dates as far back as 1098. In fact, after a successful siege and capture of the Syrian city Ma’arra, Christian soldiers ate the flesh of local Muslims.

A deliciously successful “siege and capture”. It was a story many yearned to celebrate, though they had to deal with this awkward blemish. But why? The Crusades was a time of tolerance and social justice, right? Why let the consumption of human flesh undermine all that was accomplished. Human rights could not possibly apply here. Witches, gypsies, Jews, savages, those with disabilities; they simply did not fit into the plan or the image leaders wanted. “Once a pagan always a pagan” – That would fit perfectly on a bumper sticker, right?

By the 16th century, cannibalism was not just part of the mental furniture (made in Turkey not Archibald, Ohio.) of Europeans. So why not here, why not in America? Walls are expensive and take so long to build. All those permits one needs to forget to file and those small businesses selfishly expecting to be paid. Why not just eat those who threaten to make America a diverse country filled with new ideas, robust intelligent debate, humor, love, and a willingness to look towards the future with a sense of hope not hate.

Clearly, I am now fully up-to-speed and yes, there is an election pending with two very different candidates. I say “bon appetite” to those who want to suck the life out of my country, as I have always been one who believes it is important to play the entire tape through. If Orange is the New Black why not have a ball (literally) and just eat your enemies, as it appears one person’s plate will be especially full.

NOTE: I believe in our country and with that I believe in the right to vote for the candidate of your choice. What I do not believe in is silence in the face of hate and deception. These are my thoughts, my musings and my opinions and as such do not reflect those of this outlet or any other. For the record I am not a cannibal.