Gracie Gold, Ashley Wagner, and Polina Edmunds = The Plastics. These are the girls everyone wants to be — they're pretty, they're perfect, and they rule the school/ice rink. Unfortunately, their beauty doesn't always translate to athletic prowess, but at least they look good in velvet.

Adelina Sotnikova = Cady Heron. Adelina is the new girl, who transferred in from another continent. Nobody knew her name on the first day, but by the end of the year, she was popular enough to win the gold medal and the Spring Fling crown.

Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski = Damian Leigh and Janis Ian. Johnny and Tara are the friends you wish you had. They'll always support (or enable, depending on how you look at it) your avant-garde fashion choices, and they're not afraid to throw some shade when appropriate. If you needed to take down an evil dictator or an imposing competitor, you would definitely call these two. But in figure skating Mean Girls, it's Johnny's hair that's so big it's full of secrets.

Yulia Lipnitskaya = Mrs. Norbury. Yulia, like Tina Fey, was the sleeper hit of the Sochi Olympics. Though she underwent some trauma, she still came out the biggest star. She's a pusher.

Yuna Kim and Mao Asada = The cool Asians. You can't sit with them.

Maxim Trankov and Tatiana Volosozhar = Sexually active band geeks. They're just so openly sensual that it makes you a little uncomfortable.

Evgeni Plushenko = Kevin Gnapoor. If any Olympic figure skater has a future as a badass MC, it's Evgeni, the man unafraid to display portraits of himself in his own home.

Yuzuru Hanyu = Aaron Samuels. He's the king of the senior class and the gold medalist. If you're lucky, he'll take you on a date to the Walker Bros. Pancake House.

Jason Brown = Glenn Coco. Jason Brown may not have won any medals, but he skated to Prince and rocked a ponytail so fierce it got its own Twitter account. You go, Jason Brown!

Meryl Davis and Charlie White = Cady's parents. Meryl and Charlie are classy adults. They're also retirement age in figure skater years, so who knows? Maybe they'll be parents soon. Probably not with each other, though.

Tonya Harding = Regina George's mom. She's not like a regular mom, she's a cool mom. If you're gonna kneecap somebody, she'd rather you do it in the house.

Bob Costas = Mr. Duvall. He will keep you here till four, when the Olympics coverage finally stops and NBC switches over to paid programming. Also, Bob's pink eye kept coming back, just like Mr. Duvall's carpal tunnel.

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Photo credits: Getty Images/Paramount

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Eliza Thompson senior entertainment editor I’m the senior entertainment editor at Cosmopolitan.com, which means my DVR is always 98 percent full.

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