[ Music ]

Announcer: Good evening, everybody. Get ready for your week to peak because it’s time for Something Every Tuesday with your host, Esen Landari!

[ Applause ]

Thank you! Thank you. Hey, everyone, so glad you could join us. We’ve got such an incredible show for you tonight, you’re not gonna want to miss a moment of it. And while we’re talking about missing out, you hear about this poor guy in Lyre? Did you hear about this?

[ Scattered Laughter ]

Well, last week a Caterpillar crew landed in Lyre for a little R&R and one of the crew members went to the bathroom on the ship and got locked inside. No big deal, right? Well, turns out this guy wasn’t wearing his mobi, so, yeah, all he could do was bang on the door. I guess they make the doors pretty solid because no one heard him. Poor guy spent the entire weekend locked in that cramped bathroom. How crazy is that? I mean, at least he had somewhere to sit, right?

[ Laughter ]

His crewmates only realized what had happened when they got back to the ship and needed what everyone does after vacationing in Lyre; to use the bathroom and take a cold shower.

[ Laughter ]

In the crew’s defense, they thought the guy had ditched them to party on his own. How hard does this guy party if no one was concerned that he vanished the second they landed? There’s really only one word to describe someone known to hit it that hard — ‘Cassian.’

[ Laughter ]

Speaking of Ellroy Cass, everyone’s favorite celebrity shipwreck is in rehab again. Talk about contender for least surprising headline of the year. He’s reportedly battling an addiction to Flow. Sources claim that prior to rehab Cass hadn’t slept in days and was obsessed with landscaping his backyard so it “felt like the beach.” Which is a nice idea, right? Except that his mansion is in the forest. That’s some pure, uncut Cass, right there.

Some of you might recall that Maurice Vano, the man who tried to kill Imperator Costigan, was also addicted to Flow. Supposedly, when Cass’s friends found out he was using the new drug, they began to worry he might be driven to do something similar. Though in Cass’s case, the only thing he was looking to assassinate was his own career.

[ Laughter ]

It’s great that he’s trying to get help, though. Seriously. Addiction is tough no matter who you are. Of course it’s a little less tough when your rehab center looks like this. Here are some pictures we found of the Tresman Gardens Rehabilitation Center.

[ Hoots and Hollers ]

Nice, right? Those sexy, muscled people wearing the skimpy swimsuits? Those are the certified hydromassage healers. Quick show of hands, how many of you are thinking about getting addicted to something now?

[ Laughter ]

Like I said earlier, you do not want to go anywhere. We’ve got a very, very special show tonight because our first guest is the very definition of a hero. His courageous actions saved the lives of 21 fellow Navy crew members on Virgil I. Here to tell us his absolutely incredible story is Lt. Davante Lee.

[ Applause ]

Get comfortable and stay awhile. You deserve it.

Lt. Davante Lee: Thanks. Yeah, wow, it’s kinda overwhelming to be here right now.

The studio lights are bright, aren’t they?

Lt. Davante Lee: ‘Blinding’ is more like it. Feels like I’m in a staring contest with a Bengal.

[ Laughter ]

First off, I just want to say on behalf of everyone here and watching on spectrum, thank you for your service.

[ Applause ]

Your story is absolutely incredible. There’s really no other way to describe it. So let’s set the stage: your fleet came under attack in the Virgil System, right? Near Virgil I.

Lt. Davante Lee: As part of the rearguard, yeah.

And where were you when the ambush happened?

Lt. Davante Lee: Ah, ferrying supplies to the Montgomery. One second this big, beautiful Polaris is sitting before me and the next the ship’s in flames and spiralling down toward Virgil I.

That sector had been quiet for ages, too. Then outta nowhere, they hit us, hard, and the worse thing possible happens. Honestly, when the Vanduul fighters showed up and the Mont went down, I had to take a moment to ask myself if I was in a simpod or not. Nothing felt real.

But you weren’t in a simpod, were you?

Lt. Davante Lee: No, definitely not. I was in an Argo MPUV .

[ Gasps ]

The ideal ship for going toe-to-toe with the Vanduul, right?

Lt. Davante Lee: Well, it doesn’t have a single weapon, but it does have something else going for it — a ton of cargo room. I knew I’d never survive a tussle, but I could shuttle folks to safety. So, the second I saw the Mont break atmo above Virgil I, I decided to follow it.

I had a hell of a time finding them, especially since the ship’s comms were down.

From what I heard Virgil I’s atmo didn’t make that search any easier. Not with that swirling poisonous ash killing all visibility.

Lt. Davante Lee: That’s for sure, but it also probably saved my life.

This interview is brought to you by ‘poisonous ash,’ seriously, it could save your life.

[ Laughter ]

So, you locate the Montgomery somewhere in this crazy ash storm, and then what?

Lt. Davante Lee: Lieutenant Yu was on the sticks at the time. Considering the state of the corvette, she did an incredible job controlling the crash, so it landed in a perfect spot. The ’duul found the crash pretty soon after I showed up. They started strafing the Mont to keep us occupied while landing dropships all around us.

It was … I’m not sure how to describe it. I mean, it was absolute chaos. No one could really see anything, except for their shots zipping through the ash like blurs of light … and you knew the ’duul were getting closer every second. You just didn’t know from where.

Somehow, the Mont’s crew all rallied together and established a perimeter. One of the turrets had survived the crash, so they were doing the best they could with that. Gave me enough cover to touch down. Thinking back now, I actually don’t remember a lot of it. With all the adrenaline and everything, my brain just sorta went on autopilot. Everything I did was more instinct than anything else.

And what did that instinct having you doing?

Lt. Davante Lee: I, ummm, unloaded the Argo as fast as possible and started loading up the Mont’s crew, injured ones first. I took off that first time without even checking the scans. I just lifted her off the ground, picked a direction and got the hell outta there.

And how many times did you do that?

Lt. Davante Lee: It took three more trips to get everyone.

[ Loud, Sustained Applause ]

Lt. Davante Lee: Thank you, but really it was the ash storm and the incredible people on the ground holding back the Vanduul that let me get so many of the crew out of there.

That’s just incredible. Where’d you even take the people you rescued? Another part of the planet?

Lt. Davante Lee: Nah, you don’t really want to hang out in that poisonous atmo if you can help it. Thankfully, the Onager had survived the initial onslaught and was holding its own. After I commed them, they pushed through the Vanduul swarm and posted up just outside of atmo above us and cleared a path so I could make a drop off.

After that, I went back for the rest of the survivors while they held their position. I mean, I’m thankful to be here, but all those who stood their ground while I went back and forth between the two are the real heroes. Particularly since the Argo is know for lots of things, but speed is definitely not one of them.

I can’t even imagine what that must have been like. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s a true story. It sounds like something straight out of a movie. Which, if they do end up making a movie out of this, I know the perfect actor to play you as soon as he is back out of rehab.

[ Laughter ]

So, what’s next for you, Lieutenant?

Lt. Davante Lee: Well, I’ve got a few more of these to do.

I believe we were lucky enough to grab you first, right?

Lt. Davante Lee: Yup, first one. It is that obvious?

Seriously, you’ve done a great job, hasn’t he, folks?

[ Loud Applause ]

Lt. Davante Lee: Thanks. I really, truly appreciate the support, but it’s the men and women currently serving on the Vanduul front that are the true heroes. It’s important that the people of the Empire remember to support the cause any way they can.

You sure you haven’t done one of these before?

Lt. Davante Lee: Positive.

Well, I’ve got a feeling there’ll be plenty more in your future. We need to take a quick break. Can you stick around for a bit longer?

Lt. Davante Lee: I think so, yeah.

Well, clear your schedule, ’cause I’ve got like a bazillion more questions for you. Plus, we’d love for you to play a round of our game ‘Spin Cycle.’ You up for it?

Lt. Davante Lee: Sure, let’s do it.

That and more when Something Every Tuesday returns after the break.