Of course, I have every intention of being diplomatic about things like this, but as is sometimes said, there is another. Or, you might say “always two there are.” Technically, they’re both Yoda lines I guess. Thanks, Yoda. I needed a way to communicate an idea succinctly, and everywhere I turned, you were there.

Battleborn is another case of Rowling’s Syndrome, where you’ve made something incredible previously, and it’s placed you beyond all earthly bounds so Nobody Can’t Tell You Nothing and your books get super, super fucking long when any real friend would tell you to slow your roll. What that means in the context of this game is that character art gets “innovated” beyond any form of relatability, dialogue gets, um, “funnier,” let’s go with that, very diplomatic, and lots of things are happening I guess but I couldn’t really tell you what they were.

I don’t know, guys. I sorta felt like this was a slam dunk, but then I played the beta. It was a very decisive beta. It didn’t feel good. In fact, it felt like everyone was playing their own game, not with but very near everyone else. Action games may be many things, but they cannot be ambiguous. Gabriel held out hope, and grabbed it on release. Imagine a situation where Gabriel gives a game a chance when I’ve already made up my mind. I’ll be very surprised if he loads it up again.

The Overwatch v Battleborn thing is fundamentally illusory, though. Battleborn shouldn’t be compared to Overwatch, because Battleborn is a MOBA and Overwatch is Street Fighter with guns. Battleborn should be compared to Monday Night Combat, which came out six years ago and is better than Battleborn. The loudest voices have relentlessly, earnestly compared an aardvark and a six-inch meatball sub. On the matter of Overwatch, obviously, we are beyond compromised; I would not presume to be taken seriously on this point. But you probably played their beta. So I don’t need to say much, or indeed, anything.

(CW)TB out.