An artists impression of Crystal Children

Sure, you probably heard a lot about Indigo children. You know, those kids who were quiet, sensitive, and generally bucked the idea of society had planned for us? Surrounded by indigo aura, they were all the rage…last decade. We’ve found a new, all the more interesting type of child to get excited about (not in that way, pervert).

Yes, the Crystal Child-which is essentially the indigo child, part two- offer us a wealth of new opportunities that the lowly indigo children just didn’t. For one, they’re going to take humanity to it’s next level, which is going to be neat. While they share some superficial traits with the indigo kids, they are not individuals but simply one great consciousness that views the entirety of humanity as one and will prove to be a dramatic force for world peace in the decades to follow. Which is all dandy.

But some of us have been trying to work out why the crystal children have taken over so unequivocally and obviously from their counterparts. How did they develop the ability to communicate as one consciousness? Where did they learn the skills that are primed to help every person in the world reveal an inner power sense of divinity? Well, we think we’ve settled on the answer: twitter.

When the facts are put together, the answer is obvious. Crystal children were estimated to have been born between 1995-2000, with some born further into the twenty-first century. Everyone we’re aware of on twitter is young, so surely this telepathic, communicative field they share has simply manifested itself into a technological form befitting their generational interests? There really seems to be no question that the rise of twitter is tied, in some way, to the birth and growth of the crystal children.

Consider this, too- one of the twenty-three identifying features of a crystal child is it’s large, intense eyes that will fix you with a haunting stare. Does that not sound like every twitter addict you’ve ever known? Picture the expression of your nephew when you dragged his attention away from his phone for a moment- was that not a haunting stare? On a similar token, they are described as being withdrawn, and occasionally uncommunicative-once again, a suspiciously perfect description of the average twitter user. You might want to call all of this a coincidence- but that’s where you’d be wrong.