TAMPA BAY, FL—Watching with puzzled concern as his team ran onto the field and began shoving the opposing players, Boston Red Sox physician Adam Foster told reporters Wednesday that it was unclear if he should join a bench-clearing brawl with the Tampa Bay Rays. “I’m always happy to help the team, but I’m not sure if I’m supposed to jump in here. It just feels weird standing around while everyone is fighting 20 feet away,” said Foster, who wavered between his options while considering if he should run on the field and tackle a Tampa Bay player who was pulling Red Sox outfielder J.D. Martinez off the Ray’s third-base coach. “Maybe I could break up a fight, just so none of our guys get hurt. I should be looking out for them, right? Even the goddamn equipment manager is out there. Maybe I can just sneak up on someone and cold-cock them before anyone notices.” At press time, Foster had stepped onto the field only to be knocked out by an errant elbow from Red Sox pitcher Chris Sale.

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