If you’re a feminist, and you hate men, that’s fine.

If you’re a feminist, and you don’t hate men, that’s fine. (This one applies to me).

If you’re a feminist, and you try to convince men that you don’t hate men, that’s not fine.

Hating men is a defense mechanism, usually made by women who have had to deal with horrible, traumatic experiences at the hands of men or know women who have. Hating men is sometimes the only course of action for some women to feel safe in their personal situations.

When a woman says they hate men, they are not hating every single individual; they are hating the power systems that give men more power over women even now in this day and age.

“But what if I as a guy said I hate women??? isn’t that just as bad???”

No, because the power dynamics are different. Cis men are in a higher position of power and status in society. Therefore, a man saying he hates women carries a much different dynamic.

So for women to try so hard to convince cis men that they don’t hate men, it only serves to stroke the egos of those who benefit the most from us not hating them. It doesn’t make you a better or worse feminist. It just shows that even as a feminist, you’re still too concerned with how men perceive you as a feminist. You’re basically letting men know that you’re a “safe” feminist, not like those other feminists that are man-haters.

The bottom line is this:

A woman saying she hates men typically just hurts men’s feelings.

A man saying he hates women gets women killed.