WASHINGTON—Explaining that they heard some kind of big commotion and decided to check out what was going on, the U.S. populace announced Thursday “They’re doing something to the street” while staring out of their windows. “Whoa, they’ve got a big truck out there and they’re making a hole,” said 327 million Americans who were pressed up against their windows, calling to their coinhabitants to come see all the guys in hard hats and safety vests who had sectioned off the road with traffic cones and were doing “something” with a big pile of rocks. “I wonder what this is for, since it seems like a lot of work. Oh, look, look, a guy just got into the hole, and someone just handed him a tool! Man, that’s crazy.” At press time, after making eye contact with one of the workers on the street, the U.S. populace smiled and gave them a thumbs up.

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