SAN FRANCISCO, CA ‒ Twitch, a popular livestreaming service that primarily hosts video game content, has revealed it went a bit too far in attempting to be inclusive by building its entire team out of people who can’t hear.

“Everyone is clinically deaf.” said Twitch CEO Emmett Shear. “No one can hear a goddamn thing. And we’re proud of that.”

The revelation came to light after a popular League of Legends streamer was banned for uttering something no person of sound hearing could have possibly interpreted him saying.

TF Blade, the streamer in question, emitted a series of noises that everyone with even the faintest ability to interpret sound waves could tell was the word “idiots.” Unfortunately for Mr. Blade, numerous Twitch staffers “listened” to the clip in question and decided he actually said the N-word.

“He clearly said the N-word. There’s no doubt in my mind.” signed Cynthia Lawrence, a member of Twitch’s Quality Control team who communicated with The Buggy Beta via ASL translator. “I showed my colleagues the clip, and they all signed their agreement. So we banned him.”

We reached out to Mr. Blade for comment, but unfortunately his Twitch channel does not currently exist, so we were unable to contact him.

When asked whether allowing people with clinical deafness to review audio clips was wise, CEO Shear made a noise of utter disgust and instantly banned The Buggy Beta from Twitch premises for asking such an insensitive question.

As such, we regret that we will no longer be able to offer our readers insider Twitch interviews, but stand by our reporters for asking hard-hitting questions and maintaining the high journalistic standards The Buggy Beta was founded on.



We also stand by TF Blade and hope Twitch will have someone with a competent set of ears listen to the clip, reverse their decision to ban him, and apologize for their unacceptable slander.