I often wonder if I was born gay or I became gay? It is difficult to say for sure. My first recognition of sexuality came when I was around ten years old. A school friend who was actually a year younger than me had come home to play. While playing, he put his hand inside my shorts and held my dick and started massaging it. I had no clue what was happening. I instinctively knew it was wrong but I did not resist. Maybe I was liking the sensation of touch on my dick? I actually reached orgasm but did not ejaculate. I was that young.

A few more such encounters happened with the same guy over the next couple of years.

Subsequently, I used to jerk off once in a while, most of the time fantasising about females. Then, every time, I saw a pic of a sexy man, I would jerk off to the guy. Gradually, I noticed I enjoyed gay fantasies more than straight fantasies. Now I am completely gay.

Going by this sequence of events, it is difficult for me to say if I was born gay or I became gay because of the episode in my childhood. I wouldn’t call it abuse. The guy was younger than me. He did not force me. But I really did not know what was going on. Could I have been straight if that episode had never happened?

I read somewhere that labels such as ‘gay’ and ‘straight’ have been created by society. Nature does not actually intend to differentiate. I read that sex is something which we engage in whether it is with the same or a different gender. It does not define who we are. In several surveys, large proportions of respondents have admitted to fantasising and also engaging in sex with the same gender although they classify themselves as ‘straight’.

I myself know at least 5-7 people who claim they’re straight but I am sure that they have a little gay streak about them. Society has created such an obnoxious wall around us that we are loathe to admit, much less explore, the side of our sexuality that is different from what it considers ‘normal’.

So, in many respects, sex can be considered like eating primarily wheat or rice in India. You don’t label someone based on what they eat. There’s no normal diet – whether wheat or rice. Some people eat wheat while others eat rice. Similarly, sex should be treated like that. You have sex with males or females. That shouldn’t cause a label to be attached to you irrespective of your gender.

How I wish society becomes like that. I need not feel different. I need not hide who I am from the rest of the world. I can live in the comfort of my own identity – an identity that is defined more by things other than whom I am attracted to.