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As I wrote in Part 1 of this series, my fellow therapists and I are aware of a growing phenomenon of teens and young men showing up in our offices experiencing problems with (ED). There are underlying cultural, emotional, and even physical causes that are contributing to the situation, and I don’t believe that either overexposure to or frequent is one of them.

Sometimes men get after one or two times of losing or not being able to keep an erection. This creates worry that it will happen again and now they overly focus on whether or not they will get an erection. This is not erectile disorder this is anxiety. As my colleague David Ley says, “Most men don’t actually have ED (defined as erection 70 percent of the time). They don’t get erect every time they think they should. That is not ED.”

Meanwhile, we can offer a number of suggestions for young men to work on the problem. Among them:

Sometimes he may be fine until he tries to enter his partner, then he goes limp. Some men find using a Fleshlighthelps train them to successfully penetrate. They may use it alone while masturbating, and/or use it with a partner who’s holding it or putting it between their legs. It’s simply an erotic aid to help retrain the mind and help keep the focus in the erotic zone.

When a young couple is trying to have a baby, sometimes for the man it can become a job rather than an erotic experience. I suggest taking a break for a few months from the business of making, and just getting back to erotically focusing on your partner and sex.

Rings can sometimes help, but you have to know how to put then on to not do damage. The restriction of blood in the penis can help maintain your erection, among other benefits.

Don’t big deal it every time you lose your erection. Let it go and wait until next time you have sex. The bigger deal you make of it, the worse you will make it.

Open and honest sexual health conversation between sexual partners is enormously important. Most guys won’t even approach conversations about their sexual problems with their friends, or even what has worked for them in the bedroom but finding somewhere or someone to open up about these things can be very helpful. I often find that until a couple shows up in my office, they’ve only superficially discussed their problems in the bedroom.

Sensate focus is extraordinarily important for revitalizing sex and . This is an exercise in teaching your partner what and how you like to be touched. It requires you to be aware of your body and its reactions to touch and other stimuli, and it should go without saying that you also must learn your partner’s body. Really knowing what turns you or your partner on and not allowing your mind to wander helps you to stay in the erotic zone. It takes practice and a willingness to imagine interaction without the penetration/ model that porn offers.

This might include simple non-sexual or nude touch; or masturbating as your partner watches you or you them; training yourself to focus on sensing what’s turning your partner on, watching their face and bodily expressions. When you take penetration/orgasm off the table for a short period of time there is a whole range of highly pleasurable activities you can experience that doesn’t depend on penetration, and the around ED may simply disappear.

This might include simple non-sexual or nude touch; or masturbating as your partner watches you or you them; training yourself to focus on sensing what’s turning your partner on, watching their face and bodily expressions. When you take penetration/orgasm off the table for a short period of time there is a whole range of highly pleasurable activities you can experience that doesn’t depend on penetration, and the around ED may simply disappear. Allow yourself to during sex with your partner. It is normal to think about past sexual interactions with or without the partner in front of you or the porn scene or lovemaking scene you just saw in a movie or on the Internet.

Idiosyncratic masturbatory styles sometimes impact change in solo sexual activity. Mix up your masturbatory habits. Getting used to it in the same way most or all of the time can get you stuck in being sexual in restricted ways. Use your other hand. Squeeze lighter and harder switching back and forth.

Idiosyncratic styles also impact change in partnered sexual activity. I recommend switching positions or just stopping and focusing on the partner's pleasure to see if the erection may get hard again. Or if you want, take a lesson from porn, it's OK to stop thrusting, remove the penis, "fluff it" by hand, and then resume. This is also known as the stop/start technique for guys with premature ejaculation. It can be helpful for guys to get used to "being with" their erections, letting them go down, getting them back up.

Simple ways to get beyond problems of ED might include experimenting with new erotic scenarios and situations, like having sex in a different room, dressing up in sexy clothes, or role-playing your favorite fantasy. The idea is to stay playful and keep the focus off getting yourself or your partner off.

EMDR (Eye Movement Reprocessing) is something I have used that can work for some men with ED because of their anxiety causing them to lose erotic focus. EMDR is a form of in which you relive or triggering experiences in short doses, in this case, erectile disorder, while the therapist directs your eye movements to go back and forth. It helps heal symptoms and emotional distress from disturbing life experiences. I have found this reduces the emotional charge around the worry of getting and maintaining an erection and many men report the issue gets resolved.

Remember, erections are a relaxation phenomenon, not one of excitement requiring orgasm. They are the result of relaxed arousal, not mandatory equipment a guy has to “present” for sex to happen.