Presidential Election 2016: I’m Calling It

As I write this, it is May 2015 and we have well over a year before the election. In fact, many of the candidates on both sides haven’t even announced yet. Despite all that, I am going to call this election in a pretty surprising way.

Jupiter has aligned with the Venus and the Sun is perpendicular to the Moon. The Crystal Ball has told me the outcome and my Magic Eight-Ball says that it looks good. The Tea Leaves have been read and it matches up with the secret Bible Code. They all tell me Ted Cruz has this thing locked up.

Fortunately, that’s all bullshit and Ted Cruz is done. That ass-clown will never make it past even the Republican Primary. No, the safe money is on Jeb Bush winning the Republican Primary and then going on to lose horrible in the general election to any Democrat. That Democrat will obviously be…

Not Hillary Clinton!!!

She is the easy money early favorite candidate who will fight to the end and still lose the same way she lost to Obama. Her problem is that she thinks she already won and no one really likes her. Most people realize by now that she is a corporatist Democrat and Democrats don’t really like corporatist Democrats. Obama was able to fool a lot of people into thinking he was a progressive. But no one is buying that with Hillary.

Still, people will vote for her because they think that a few “Independents” might vote for her in the general election. Holy fuck, are those voters stupid. The fact is that “Independents” are not this group of voters who could go either way. There really aren’t many of those. Most Independents are voters who are very much either Democrats or Republicans but have decided that they like to be “Independent” so they can feel above the partisan politics. But the reality is that despite the fact that their policy issues are nearly identical, there is almost no one who thinks that they might vote for Jeb Bush or Hilary Clinton but they just aren’t sure which one yet.

Here is what is going to happen. A majority of Democrats are going to vote in the primary for Bernie Sanders. Some will do it because they really believe in him, but most will do it because they think Hillary has this locked down and they want to vote for Bernie in protest. They will say, “I’m voting for Bernie in the Primary and Hillary in the General.”

Surprise! Bernie will win the Primary and even the most corporatist, centrist, blue dog, Hillary supporter will rally behind Sanders because the alternative is whoever gets out of the Republican clown car… probably Jeb. Besides, no one is really all that invested in Hillary to begin with; they just think she has the best chance of beating the Republican candidate.

So read me now; quote me later. I am calling this election for Bernie Sanders.

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