As many of you may or may not know, I have been around this old globe for 57 years now. I am not bragging when I tell you I have just about seen everything there is to see this place can offer. With that said, I’ve had my share of relationships in my lifetime and I can tell you I now know of some tell-tale signs when a relationship has about run it’s course. I am going through this right now in my current relationship of 12 years. Trust me I know it’s about over, which led me to offer up at least 10 ways when a relationship is done. Here we go:

1) When you have a heart attack, and your significant other drops you off at the emergency room. I know it sounds cold-blooded, but hey, it’s a cold world.

2) When you call your significant other, and she hangs up on you. This is never a good sign, especially if she calls back and she sounds like she’s in a well and she speaking in a whisper. Sort of makes you wonder what the hotel room looks like.

3) When she makes sure that you have limited contact with her family. Look, why would she want you to talk to them especially if things are over with?

4) Oh I don’t even need to talk about the sex thing do I? If she hasn’t shaven for an entire month and also claims to have been on her period for 27 days of last month, that’s a pretty good sign that she is in no mood to be touched by you at least.

5) If she has more fun at work than she does at home, that’s a clear sign things aren’t good. Today we went back to Central Standard Time from Daylight Savings Time and I thought my significant other was going to climb the walls at 6:30 PM. She was extremely bored and i knew she couldn’t wait to get to work with her friends.

6) If you and your significant other begin fighting over little things like, who will pass the salt, then yeah, it is pretty much over because communication begins to break down quickly.

7) If you start talking about splitting up the joint checking account, she needs to start buying her own insurance, and basically fending for herself..it’s over.

8) If you pass each other in the hallway and give each other a go to hell look, that’s a pretty good sign to start looking for another place to live.

9) If when you touch her (for some God unknown reason) and she feels like the tip of an iceberg, life has gone from the relationship. I am amazed when she asks “What’s wrong with you?” Hahahaha like there’s something wrong with me????

10) If all three dogs that you have been feeding for ten years start to growl at you when they see you, she has probably turned even them against your sorry ass. Take shelter (different shelter) soon!

I hope this helps you if you are in this situation. Life is difficult enough, but I also know that life is precious. If you are in a bad relationship, get out. Life is too short, and who knows, there maybe someone else out there that shaves their legs!