Yes, that is a real headline, and it’s exaggerated only slightly. According to the Sunday Sport, Percy Foster was a British dwarf (sidenote: isn’t “Percy” a perfect dwarf name?) who starred in such films as Hi-Ho- Hi-Ho, It’s Up Your Arse We Go. As recently as a few weeks ago, a production assistant noticed that Percy was a spitting jizzing image of celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay. The original Sunday Sport piece read…

Percy said: “Porn lookalikes get more money than normal actors. Dwarf lookalikes are as rare as hen’s teeth and so can command top dollar.

“I’ve already ordered a new BMW and a diamondencrusted Soda Stream.” Grumble movie producer Dexter Yamunkeh said: “We are not passing off Percy as Gordon Ramsay – for one thing, Gordon’s not 3ft 6in.”

A friend of Ramsay, who has no connection with the adult film industry, said: “Gordon is f*cking furious – f*cking, c*nting furious.”

But like many celebrities, Percy’s star burned bright but flamed out quickly, and his half-eaten corpse was recently discovered in a badger den. I hear Jayne Mansfield went the same way.

With the world at his feet and producers beating a path to his door, it’s all over for pint-sized Percy.

His tiny corpse was found deep in an underground chamber by Ministry of Agriculture experts ahead of a planned badger-gassing programme near Tregaron, west Wales.

And expert CSI teams had to use fingertip technology to remove his body from the six-foot-deep burrow.

Sources close to the investigation said Percy was clothed but parts of his corpse had been “partially gnawed” by animals.

It is not yet clear how Percy died, though suicide has not been ruled out. Movie producer Dexter Yamunkeh said: “Percy was a little guy with big problems.

“He was doing well but he was under pressure, 24/7, like everyone in this goddamned business.”

A friend of Gordon Ramsay said he had not “f*cking heard” about tragic Percy’s death. An inquest has been opened and adjourned. [SundaySport via Gawker]

Again, this comes from the Sunday Sport, which seems to be the only place I can find any mention of either Percy or his alleged porn film — and porn films don’t usually go to great lengths for cyber anonymity, in fact some might call it counter-productive. But would they just invent a dwarf porn star and then fabricate his badger death out of whole cloth? Even for British tabloids, that seems extreme. And who am I to mistrust a publication whose current cover story is “LOO MUST BE JOKING! World’s crappiest toilets.” Not to mention their other headline, “DO NOT BUM MY BOYS DOWLING.” …I understand what those words mean separately, but together they’re just a mess.

Anyway, if a shady British tabloid is to be believed, Gordon Ramsay had a dwarf porn star look-alike who was recently gassed and eaten by badgers.

ANNNND I THINK TO MYSELLLLLFFF, WHAT A WONDERFUL WOOORRRRRRRRRLLDD…..

UPDATE: Shockingly, we’ve since discovered that this story wasn’t true.