MARCI Hawkins had no idea that the TV show she was about to watch would be life changing.

But when the then 17-year-old watched the documentary Sex Change Hospital, something clicked – she realised she was transgender.

She was born with a male body but a female mind and says that she always knew something ‘wasn’t quite right’ but didn’t know why.

“I was never ‘normal’, whatever that is,” says the 23-year-old from Southampton.

“I knew I wasn’t a stereotypical boy.

“It hit me at once when I watched the TV show. I hadn’t known people like that existed. It felt so liberating.”

Marci says that at first she felt elated, realising that the root of her sense of something being wrong was that she was a transgender woman.

But this sense of elation didn’t last.

“There was a big difference between seeing it on TV and my everyday life,” she says.

“I felt helpless and became depressed. I didn’t speak to anyone about it for a long time.

“Eventually I told my mum after a year or two. It was nerve-racking. I was worried about how she’d respond.

“Initially I thought it would be too much of a challenge and I wouldn’t be able to transition (to living as a woman) so I got it in my head that I was a cross-dresser and that’s what I initially told her.”

Luckily Marci had a supportive GP who referred her for counselling.

“I was quite withdrawn then,” she says. “The counselling was difficult but also really good. It helped me realise I wasn’t a cross-dresser – I was a transgender woman.”

Marci began to sometimes wear women’s clothing when she was around 19 but it was when she was 20 that she transitioned.

This was at the end of her first year at university.

Before that, life was a struggle and her education suffered.

“I started at Southampton Solent University, studying computer game development, before I transitioned,” she says.

“Throughout my first year, I found it really hard to concentrate on my work. I wanted to get transitioning out of my mind and be able to carry on, so I transitioned at the start of my second year.

“Everyone was so positive that it made me wish I’d done it earlier – we’re still all friends now.”

Marci was eventually prescribed hormones on the NHS to help her transition.

“I started noticing changes straight away, which was very welcome,”

she says.

“I started getting more shape to my face and softer skin.

“But before I didn’t mind my body too much because it wasn’t very masculine to start with.

I’ve got a condition where I don’t make a sex hormone so I didn’t have a hairy chest or anything, which I’m grateful for.”

Marci has never been a very confident person and found it particularly nerve racking when she first transitioned, and began living full-time as a woman.

“I had concerns about how people were going to respond to me,”she says.

“My confidence has got better since I transitioned but it’s still an issue. That’s just how I am. But transitioning gave me a real confidence boost.

“Sometimes you do feel vulnerable when you’re walking down the street, especially if there are a lot of kids hanging around, but that has become easier,”she adds.

Since transitioning three years ago, Marci has become something of a transgender activist, helping to organise Southampton’s Transgender Day of Remembrance and setting up a group for young transgender people a few months ago.

She said: “This group would have been great for me when I was younger,”

she says.

“I would have been able to go along and talk to people like me, rather than it just being me on my own with a TV show.

“We talk about things like the issues young people face when coming out to family and friends and struggling to put it to the back of your mind while you try to do well at school and college.

“It’s a big issue for young transgender people, because it’s all you can think about.”

The past few years have been a bumpy ride for Marci and she feels that her journey is not yet completed, but she is delighted with how far she has come.

“I feel very separated from myself when I was younger,”she says.

“It kind of feels like a different person. I don’t like old photos of myself – I don’t think I’ll ever feel happy about looking back at them.”

Today, Marci is focusing on the future.

She is in a relationship, has a good circle of friends and is hoping to move on from her part time job as a kitchen porter to getting a full time job in computer game development.

“My advice to any other young transgender people would be to get along to a group and meet like minded people,”she says.

“You don’t even have to engage – you can sit at the back and listen until you are ready.

“Now I feel I can do a lot more – I’m not thinking about being transgender all the time."