So, to launch this new feature, let’s take a current look at a pair of FOX News jabberers and try to determine just WHO IS CRAZIER – Glenn Beck or Bill O’Reilly ???

Yes, we’ll occasionally take a look at a couple of semi-outrageous, at-least-somewhat-connected figures in the news, comparing and contrasting them, their words, and their behavior until we can determine just which one of them is the nuttier, more insane, and just plain crazier individual. We’ll be plucking examples from the world of politics, media, pop culture – whatever floats to the surface of obvious madness. Party labels, network or publication affiliations, or even poll or box office numbers won’t necessarily matter – if they seem unhinged, we’ll call them on it…

Here’s a new feature on The Stonecipher Report – one that (unfortunately, perhaps, for the country; but, fortunately for us smart-ass wise guys) may well continue for awhile: WHO IS CRAZIER???

Posted By: Michael Sweeney Mar. 26, 2009 Here’s a new feature on The Stonecipher Report – one that (unfortunately, perhaps, for the country; but, fortunately for us smart-ass wise guys) may well continue for awhile: WHO IS CRAZIER??? Yes, we’ll occasionally take a look at a couple of semi-outrageous, at-least-somewhat-connected figures in the news, comparing and contrasting them, their words, and their behavior until we can determine just which one of them is the nuttier, more insane, and just plain crazier individual. We’ll be plucking examples from the world of politics, media, pop culture – whatever floats to the surface of obvious madness. Party labels, network or publication affiliations, or even poll or box office numbers won’t necessarily matter – if they seem unhinged, we’ll call them on it…

Overview: This is your classic comparison of a cagey veteran vs. an ambitious up-and-comer (and watch for multiple sports analogies – mostly baseball-related – coming up ahead). We all know that O’Reilly has been clever and crazier-than-batshit for years now. His patented "No Spin Zone" has always been – of course – just a special sort of pre-emptive spin that warns and proactively criticizes his guests and opponents, allowing only HIS OWN SPIN to be uttered as alleged truth on his air. Fair enough, sir – that’s quite the good strategy (especially if you never want thought-out opposition tossed in your jowly face). Crazy, yes…but it apparently works pretty well – much like asking a cowering man "When did you stop beating your wife?"

While hardly a rookie, the FOX newcomer Beck doesn’t have the career-long statistics that Billo does…but, like a charging phenom challenging the established All-Star, he’s definitely attracting some attention with his recent behavior. And he’s kinda subtly seductive to the same audience of morons that lap up Billo’s loud, thrusting blather – Beck is more passive, sympathetic, and seemingly sensitive (although, of course, not in any sort of lilly-boy liberal way). Advantage: Billo, mostly on lengthy career and forceful reputation…

Recent Crazy Activity: O’Reilly has been hitting strongly for average, spraying his disdain for Obama, Pelosi, and Reid to all fields since November 4, 2008. Particular recent crazy behavior has included sending out his stalker-producer to harass (on her vacation, no less – after apparently following her for hours from her home) a liberal female blogger who denounced his belittling of a rape victim AND (nice insanity grand slam here!) his claiming that he and FOX have crushed NBC and their broadcast and cable news operations (this, while the network made a healthy three-quarters-of-a-billion-dollars in profit, their network slate pulls good ratings, and the MSNBC lineup continues to gain in ratings).

However, the suddenly hard-hitting challenger seems to be in the middle of a DiMaggio-56-game-streak-in-1941 or Sosa-hitting-20-homers-in-June-1998 binge, rising above the current (and frequent!) insanity of other righty commentators like Coulter, Ingraham, Hannity, and, yes, even O’Reilly. Beck’s been comparing himself to this country’s Founding Fathers, weeping openly over politics and supposed safety from terrorism, and widening his eyes in seemingly constant surprise over the current direction of the US and the rest of world – cuckoo, cuckoo! If Billo were any sort of a mentor – and not just a bitter, closed-in, always-#2-to-Rush figure among conservative bloviators – he might actually be proud of Lil’ Glenny…Instead, it’s clearly just…Advantage: Beck.

Self-Labels: This one is a bit tricky – but amusing to those of us who can see through (and sniff past) bullshit. While O’Reilly will occasionally openly rub up against conservatism (and, of course, nearly only supports Republican figures and policies), he usually claims to be an independent who takes clear, truth-weighing looks at both sides of all issues and subjects. Hah! Uh, I mean "Ohh-kay, Bill – whatever you say!" On the other – and even nuttier – hand, Beck has recently claimed that his beliefs and the current activity of especially the left (but including BOTH organized US political parties) has pushed him much closer to declaring himself a Libertarian. Now – pardon me, Dr. Paul – but that’s just CRAZY. Advantage: Beck.

Sample Crazy Quotes:

O’Reilly: "I just wish Katrina had only hit the United Nations building, nothing else, just had flooded them out, and I wouldn't have rescued them." – 2005 "Listen, citizens of San Francisco, if you vote against military recruiting, you're not going to get another nickel in federal funds. Fine. You want to be your own country? Go right ahead. And if Al-Qaeda comes in here and blows you up, we're not going to do anything about it." – 2005 "You know, look, if I could strangle these people [who criticize him] and not go to hell and get executed, I would, but I can't." – 2007 "I couldn't get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia's Restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it's run by blacks...there wasn't one person shouting, ‘Hey, MFer, I want more iced tea.’" – 2007 Beck: "I'm thinking about killing Michael Moore...I could kill him myself, or…hire somebody to do it...No, I think I could." – 2005 "You know, we all have our inner demons…I’m on the verge of moral collapse at any time. It can happen by the end of the show." – 2006 "Al Gore's not going to be rounding up Jews and exterminating them." – 2007 "The most used phrase in my administration if I were to be President would be ‘What the hell you mean we're out of missiles?’" – 2009

Advantage: Billo just sounds mean…while Beck sounds truly crazy (AND seems to be getting worse).

Final Analysis: O’Reilly is consistent – yeah, consistently an asshole, but that widely circulated, nutty old "We’ll do it live! Fuck it!" tape from his old "Inside Edition" days notwithstanding, he just doesn’t seem to be out of his mind – well, not completely, anyway. Most of his whole "Culture Warrior" crap seems simply calculated as the avenue that could make him the most bucks and give him the most sniffs at influence and semi-power. So, much as Limbaugh is a focused, single-subject comedic entertainer, Billo is a calculated successful businessman on the fringes of politics…

Beck, however – well, he seems nuttier than Alan Keyes on a steady diet of meth, caffeine, pure cane sugar, and cocaine. His recent performances crying on air – blaming the recent shooting spree in Alabama on the gunman’s reaction to being "shut down by political correctness" (which came only from Beck’s imagination, not any reporting or investigation about the tragedy) – and seeming to call for an armed opposition to the current US government to "rise up" out of Texas (perhaps to be led by Chuck Norris!)…well, that’s just goddamned insane, isn’t it?

…Therefore, we here at The Stonecipher Report are proud (well…also a bit disgusted, frankly) to award the decision in our first WHO IS CRAZIER??? analysis to FOX News’ pathetic little cuddly bear of a teary patriot, Mr. Glenn Beck! Good job! And, man, you ARE crazy…

A little advice, though: Just try to pace yourself, dude – if O’Reilly had been thrashing about at that "Inside Edition" level since the late ‘80s or early ‘90s, he clearly would’ve stroked out by now. Perhaps you oughta try to ration out that craziness a bit at a time. In fact, by my estimation, you’re just about all nuttied out already for 2009, here in only the third month of the year. So, take a deep breath, have a drink or something (unless you already do plenty of that – in which case, perhaps you wanna quit drinking instead, hmm?), and give it all a little bit of a rest, Glenny. There’s plenty of time to try and launch a new "Boston Tea Party" or a modern defense of the Alamo or something like that later…

…Oh, but I know he won’t be listening to me or any of my considered advice, though. Of course not – he’s just fuckin’ CRAZY…

Look for my regular posts here on The Stonecipher Report…And, for a free subscription to my twice-weekly e-mail column on politics and pop-culture, "And, in the News…" send a note to: m_l_sweeney@hotmail.com