Big Dreams

Concept: June 12th 2014

Completed 03/10/2016 5:55am

A while back I was doing the Calendar of Random Thought. Like over two years ago, a while back. I liked the idea of having an image map where you could select a picture based on a random thought I had, that I had recorded in my calendar. But it kinda fell through the tracks. Mainly because I needed to draw like five different things to make one calendar. So I just stopped bothering.

It’s been a long time since I’ve had trouble sleeping like this. I’m talking about full on insomnia. Not that “Oh, I’m sooo tired and it takes me half an hour to get to sleep.” I’m talking about laying in bed awake for hours just to get up and waste time on Reddit or doing jack fucking shit, lamenting on your life and where things went wrong, whilst not even being tired. Well, I guess I’m tired. It’s hard to tell. This is only day three.

The last time I was like this, it led to my early drawings; some of the first things I actually drew. I was in a different place then, twelve or thirteen years ago and I’m sure my ‘art’ portrays that. For example:

Aaaaanyway.

So, yeah. I figured it’s been a while and drawing is what I used to do when there was no possibility of sleep. I remembered my random thoughts and decided I’d pick up from where I left off.

Don’t Let Me Dream Like That is based upon my actual sleepytime dreams. I hate happy dreams. I hate it when my unconscious mind portrays satisfaction within myself. It doesn’t make me feel good or content. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. It usually depresses the shit out of me.

Unlike some dreams, they never feel real or believable. It’s like in the movie The Matrix, where the machines built the first virtual world for the enslaved humans as a paradise, where everyone would be happy. The problem being, humans would not… COULD not accept that as reality and began to wake up, interrupting the enslaving metal hunks’ power supply.

I just can’t accept a realistic dream where I’m happy, as opposed to either a lifelike drama or fantastical night-time mindscape. I’d rather a nightmare than false satisfaction.