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Birth and Early Life Edit

Known to all Buglers as "The Wonderful Truth", Chris the Producer was born on November 6th, 5 AD as a back up baby to God's new baby boy, Jesus H. Chris was truly the spawn of God's middle man, Mod. As Chris grew, he learned all of his father's heavenly methods for annyoing the general public. From plagues of corrupt Popes to the BNP to shitting into hole's to forcing small children to listen to Andy's puns, Chris grew in his knowledge of odd evil God Gave us. Chris's ultimate dream was, and still is, to "bring an annoying Podcast to give a voice box to the one true god (Gordon Brown) on all the pathetic masses." Following in his father's footsteps, Chris became a midlevel Roman ruler under the alias of Brian. From there, his extensive list of odd thing he did precede him.

Various Acts of Great Things He Did Edit

The world's first great fuck up that Chris couldn't stop was the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. While the history books tell us the Jews were ultimately responsible for this brutal murder, the underlying cause truly was this abomination Romans, supported by the Jews. When Jesus first arrived on the synagogue circuit in his home of Nazareth, he expected an enormous welcome. However, following his speech about the crazy old loons from the Old Testaments and the Laws of Moses, Chris then proceeded to support Jesus for no reason at all. The village of the Jews was quick to seized Chris to stone him. After trying to stone him, Chris ran to warn Jesus, but unfortunately, the crazed crowd got him (with the help of Judas) and then proceed to kill Jesus. In the following few years, Chris realized Jesus' power over these [WHOEVER PUT THIS HERE IS A XENOPHOBIC DICK WHO HAS NO PLACE ON WIKIA] and was trying to talk to his 3/4 brother. But unfortunately, while Jesus could have easily talked to him, he was weakened by Hematidrosis and could only muster enough energy saying "Good luck Chris, a guy call Andy will help you in 2000 year's". Chris was so devastated that he put himself into a fucking long sleep.

Following these events, Chris was proud still sad and felt he deserved a gap year. So he took a budget easyJet boat, (an 5.12 cm boat, 1 oar and one sandwich{the true devils}) to York (don't laugh it was the ibiza of the early A.D. generation... wait your turn guys all things come back in style). But unfortunately on his first day his 21 year old girlfriend shat on his mini-stonehenge pop-up solar calender and he broke his wrist mounted sun-dial whilst trying to save her from a mob of Normans. So unable to tell if his gap year was over he stayed in York helping the orphans and writing songs for Olivia Newton John for several centuries until, by correctly estimating that at least two winters had passed, he came to the conclusion that it had been at least one year, and decided to get back into the mainstream world-preaching business.

In fact, on April 14, 1865 Chris (sporting a fake moustache) almost saved the assassinated President Abraham Lincoln before trying to kill the all-around dickhead John Wilkes Booth. Booth's reputation in history never recovered (Thank fuck for that).

In the late 19th century Chris reincarnated him self into a little Austrian boy. At first he tried to get into painting but every one thought that it was shit. So, disappointed, Chris headed off to Germany hoping for a better life there. He joined the army and fought in World War 1 (For the Swizz). He enjoyed the war so much he never wanted to do it again, but he did not have the power to do it. Then Chris got an idea (these were rare and sometime's good), He would get into politics. Making several speeches and writing a "Book" book, Chris finally warmed his way to the people's hearts. But Chris still needed a group of people for which to blame all of the Swizz problems on. So Chris, using his time traveling powers went to the future to the moment when Andy made his historic dog puns. Chris decided it was best then to blame the Germans. Going back to the 1930's Chris helped ended one of the greatest Attrocites known to man kind, as well as the plot of several "Academy Award" winning movies. Unfortunately things weren't looking good for Chris so he decided to "pull the plug" and sleep again. Chris slumber ended in 2006 when he heard his wake up line (and i'm John Oliver), in which he would commit the second greatest thing ever done, producing The Bugle. He decided to hypnotise the world's entire 7 billion population using subliminal messaging to create an entirely loyal slave army (To the Lib Dems), with which to invade BBC Radio 4 and force them to make a second series of Political Animal. To this end Chris had Tom the super-producer exiled to the best cricket nation in the world, Australia, and took his place.It can not be long before his work became known...

The Day the Fear Began Edit

In 2010, a day that will go down in history, a faux God (Satin) told us we did not need be afraid anymore, uttering the worst words in Bugle History:

Fuck you, Chris!

And God said "WHAT THE FU*K, AFTER WHAT I DID FOR YOU, YOU WHINING CU**S" the next day





Chris facts





Chris is the reason John Oliver quit The Bugle. He could no longer take the constant behind the scenes threats of harm to Hoagie, were he to miss another recording </li>

Chris fires the starting gun on all of Andy's pun runs. He aims for an adorable puppy and usually hits.</li>

Chris is Andy's greatest pun.</li>

Chris is a shit man.</li>

Producer Chris and Chris Brown are one and the same.</li>

Chris is the reason Greece is in so much debt after he sold them a time-share on Cyprus back in the 1890s</li>

Chris caused Hurricane Katrina, the Deepwater Horizon oil spill and the tornado that destroyed Joplin, Missouri.</li>

Chris started the London riots.</li>

Chris turned innocent people, instead of London rioters, in to the police after the London Riots</li>

Chris started the war in Iraq's pants.</li>

Chris is not the owner of the Ph.D. entitled "The Wang Gang: How saving the world can be more fun than pinching your gran in the buttocks".</li>

Chris once described Barack Obama as a "mister long-legged mack daddy".</li>

Chris changed his name to Ernő Rubik and invented the Rubik's Cube.</li>

Chris is the only season ticket holder in the history of the WNBA.</li>

At the royal wedding of Catherine Middleton and Prince William, what Harry really said to his brother at the altar was "Yeh she's alright, but she's no Chris".</li>

Chris is responsible for introducing Hugo 'Batshit' Chavez to Robert Mugabe at a cocktail party on one of Satan's barges across the fire lakes of Hell. He has been performing such match-ups since he introduced Attila the Hun to the ailing Western Roman Empire.</li>

Chris always uses his little finger to scratch his prostate; he then strolls around shouting "Stinky Pinky! Stinky Pinky" much to everyone's delight.</li>

Damn it, Chris.</li>

Chris started up an unlicenced daycare so that he could belittle children, he ruined the self esteme of 456 children permanently before he was apprehended. When he confessed he was quoted saying "I just like crushing their dreams so much."</li>

Chris fucked up bugle 150 on purpose so that it didn't have any audio after 14 mins in. (what a douche) Seems fixed now, thank you tom.</li>

Chris's hips DO lie.</li>

Chris produced the Black Eyed Pea's Super Bowl Halftime Show. He can be heard shouting "More Autotune!" throughout the show.</li>

Chris got rid of "sexy". Tom had to bring it back.</li>

Chris enjoys taking waffles away from small Belgian children.</li>

Chris Commonly mules drugs into the UK and occasionally other countries (really bad drugs too).</li>

Chris Invented GHB.</li>

Chris produced the infamous Rebeca Black's "Friday" song.</li>

Chris gave consulting advice on the construction of the Fukushima Dai-ichi nuclear plant in Japan. Chris's main consulting role was to reduce costs by negotiating down safety requirements from the government requested able to withstand a 9.5 severity earthquake with tidal wave down to merely being able to withstand an 8.5 without. The position made Chris spectacularly wealthy, but he spent most of that money bankrolling the apartheid regime in South Africa and helping them to acquire nuclear weapons.</li>