Everyone stop what you’re doing. I have important news. From Wikipedia:

A Russian adaption of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia premiered in Russia on the television channel THT on May 12, 2014. This version is titled (in English) It’s Always Sunny in Moscow and like the original, centers around four friends, who own a bar called “Philadelphia” in Moscow.

Where to begin. Let’s start with the phrase “A Russian adaption of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.” I’m sure there are other collections of words that have made me as immediately happy, but I can just about guarantee that there are no collections of words that have made me more happy. At least, that’s what I thought until I got to the part where the bar they own, in Moscow, is named “Philadelphia.” THE BAR IS NAMED PHILADELPHIA. That’s incredible.

And it gets better. Wait till you see what happens when you run the show’s official website through Google translate. For example, Russian Charlie is named Max “Thick” Borisenko, and the actor who plays him describes the show thusly: “Viewers will see the idea that if you do some garbage, it always returns and strikes you the same way.” The only downside to that sentence is that we don’t have the technology for me to travel back in time and use “If you do some garbage, it always returns and strikes you the same way” as my yearbook quote. Yet.

And this is the description of Sergei Kovalev, the Russian version of Dennis Reynolds:

Sergei differs from the other characters in the series that he is fantastically in love with himself, constantly repeats that he gorgeous body, eyes, hair, a straight-narcissus daffodil! He is probably the most cunning of the characters – periodically manipulating their environment. But he, like others, tends to very mediocre things: sex, money and some straightforward values. Any personal supergoal neither he nor the other characters do not. And so, perhaps, they have never received anything.

“A straight-narcissus daffodil.” Amazing. I can’t wait to find out what the S.E.R.G.E.I. system entails. (An additional note: In a short interview on the site, the actor who plays Sergei says he has “a corona killing cocktail ‘Head-Shot’ on the basis of absinthe” that he makes for friends. Russia never disappoints.)