Remember that kid in the second grade? Stomach crammed full of paste and boogers, cruel little beady eyes always scanning for the slightest transgressions, and a big stupid mouth that would go blabbing to the teacher any time you even thought about doing something fun? Well, that little fuck now drives a Pontiac Grand Am outside of Pittsburgh, and is still trying to get you in trouble.


How do I know this? Because cryptically-named Jalop reader "G" sent us in this picture of the little snitch, and sent us this description of what he saw:

There's nothing I hate more than a slow driver in the passing lane. This guy in white Grand Am with Illinois plates and a racing stripe was holding up several of us. As I finally had my turn to pull up behind him ready to unleash a load of horn-honking and intimidation-tailgating, I realized there was a rear-facing camera mounted outside the back window. A message in the window read something about "for law enforcement use". As my exit was coming up, I just shook my head in disgust and grabbed a quick pic. Rest assured speeders, the Civilian Highway Patrol is here to not only monitor traffic, but regulate the speed. Most drivers just decided to pass in the far right lane, which seems to negate any intended safety this clown was trying force onto his fellow drivers.


If there's anything more infuriating than some self-appointed dipshit trying to keep the pace of traffic to some anemic and misinformed idea of what they think is safe with the implied threat of ratting you out to the cops, I don't want to know about it. At all. Because this awful, just awful.

And possibly illegal. Does this count as impersonating an officer? It does say "FOR LAW ENFORCEMENT USE" right there on the back window, which does imply a certain legal authority, even though I can't imagine any highway patrol officer is going to watch 20+ hours of shitty video of car after car passing this high-strung human gallstone going 51 MPH.

And, if that video from the camera isn't going to the police, what exactly is Officer Grand Am planning on doing with it? Tracing license plate numbers to home addresses so he can Citizen Arrest you, and then give you a trial in his kitchen before sentencing you to a three week sentence locked in the spare bedroom/crafts room? This is, of course, assuming you're found guilty by a jury composed of the snitch's twelve cats.

So, self-righteous vigilante of I-79, please, on behalf of all of us in the non-terrible-people driving community, fuck off. Take that camera off your rear window and put it back to use broadcasting your pale, wrinkled genitals on Chatroulette, where its serving the world in a far better capacity.


Also, my dear stoolie, your right rear side marker light appears to be lacking the DOT-required red lens. I'm totally telling on you.