I kept shuddering while reading the article in the Times Magazine this weekend on the toddler-tailored programs offered by Kumon learning centers. The article was written in that special way the Times has of condemning without actually condemning: there was a headline with a carefully placed question mark—“Fast-Track to Kindergarten?” (implied answer: “No”); a picture of a very stressed-out-looking three-year-old ironically named Eze; and a quote from a psychologist about the benefits of such programs: “The best you can say is that they’re useless.” But the most painful parts of the piece for me were the cuckoo statements by the stage moms, like, “”I treat them both with more respect now, because I see what they’re capable of intellectually.”

Yes, there are mostly moms quoted in the piece (one father), and if you have any doubt that they are stage moms, consider this: they sit watching their children perform various difficult tasks, for which the children win a sticker upon completion, through a window that has been installed “to ease any separation anxiety.” One assumes that the writer means the anxiety of the children, but of course the entire program exists because of the very intense anxieties of the parents. As the psychologist, Alison Gopnik, puts it:

“Part of them are saying, ‘This isn’t right, 3-year-olds should be playing in the sandbox and putting together mixing bowls,’ but then they’re thinking that maybe if the kid next door is doing it, it’ll be time to go to Harvard and my child won’t have the same advantage,” she said. “We are in a culture where education is the path to success, and it’s hard for people to recognize how deep and profound learning is when children are just playing.”

What are the possible consequences? The tabloidy British rag the Daily Mail engages in none of the Times’s reticence in a recent article that wondered if it was “payback time for pushy parents” who “sign up their children for Kumon maths and Suzuki violin”:

Right up until the day Mark Alexander murdered his father, he had been the model son. An only child whose mother left when he was very young, Mark did all that his father expected of him—and those expectations were extremely high.

(Sometimes I want to move to Britain just for the tabloids.)

Both the Times article and the Mail article mention that recent research has shown that such toddler-training programs have little impact on a kid’s future success (parental involvement in a child’s education is much more important). So why is Kumon becoming more and more popular, especially when it's quite expensive ($200 to $300 a month)? Perhaps it’s a combination of the aforementioned (and understandable) parental anxiety; the fact that some people have money to burn and their kids seem like the “right” thing to burn it on; and the fact that it’s not too difficult to convince parents that they need something for their kids no one’s ever needed before, simply by telling them that they do and by making the thing readily available.

On this last point: a few days ago, Forbes released its list of the Top Twenty Franchises to Start. A Kumon center was number 3. Numbers 1, 2, 4, and 5 were all fast-food and convenience stores, and I think that pretty much sums up what Kumon’s toddler program is offering: a quick fix that seems like a great idea at the time but could wind up having adverse consequences in the long run.