Did you know that in Australia you can't get your marriage registered if your celebrant does not say the words "marriage, according to law in Australia, is the union of a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others"? Neither did we until we decided to get married this year. And this isn't for the religious weddings; this is for the "progressive" non-religious ceremonies.

We strongly believe same-sex couples should have the same rights to marry as we do, so this came as quite a shock. It's not enough for pollies in Canberra to deny a section of our community the rights the rest enjoy - they need to remind us in the ceremonies they do permit.

We already felt uneasy about marrying in a country with a two-tier system. Only last century inter-racial couples like us were prohibited from marrying in parts of the "civilised" world. Marrying, when our gay and lesbian friends could not, felt like joining a whites-only golf club. Marriage in Australia is a straights-only club.

Discovering we essentially had to rub our friends' noses in the discrimination during a ceremony that supposedly celebrates love was the final straw. We decided we could not in good conscience get married in Australia. We chose New Zealand.

NZ does not currently allow same-sex marriage proper but has taken steps to remove the discrimination and allows same-sex civil unions.