This is part of an ongoing series called “50 Things I’m Teaching My Kids”: values and lessons I’m imparting to my children because they’re not going to get it anywhere else.

“As long as you’re happy…”

Lots of people are in the pursuit of being happy all the time. Happiness studies abound ever since this sub-field of psychology caught fire in the early 2000’s. In a search on PubMed, the medical literature database, journal articles on happiness increased by a factor of 3.2X from 1999 to 2009, and by a factor of 2.2X from 2009 to 2019.

If you go on Instagram, YouTube, or Facebook, you’ll see people maniacally trying to achieve “happiness”. More importantly, they show everyone how deliriously happy they are. Posts of the latest Earth-circling voyage, a new meditation technique, or endless images of delicious-looking food virtue-signal the pursuit of happiness.

“The Pursuit of Happiness” is actually an inalienable right in the United States Constitution (although the Founders were probably using that phrase as a euphemism for the pursuit of property).

With all of this emphasis on studying happiness, why the hell is everyone so miserable? What’s missing here?

The melancholy of modern life

Symptoms abound that indicate that quite a few people in the developed world are rather miserable.

According to the CDC, a reduction in life expectancy in the U.S. from 78.9 years in 2014 to 78.6 years in 2017 for a baby born in those years, with the opium crisis and increased suicide rates being the suspected causes.

Apocalyptic narratives related to climate change are on the rise, with the attendant increase in climate-related anxiety in young people.

Protest votes against the status quo manifested in the election of President Donald Trump and the Brexit referendum result—these indicate that quite a few people are upset with how things are going.

At the same time, material wealth in developed countries, and yes, around the world, is increasing at a phenomenal rate.

Some global statistics from the website HumanProgress.org:

In the 50 years from 1966-2016, life expectancy increased from 56 years to 72 years old.

Also in the same 50 year span, child mortality plummeted from 113 per 1000 babies in 1966 to only 32 in 2016.

The average income is up by 372% in these 50 years.

What’s going on? Why, with so much abundance in the world, aren’t people more “happy”?

To say “as long as you’re happy” isn’t enough

Happiness is a tough concept to nail down. I looked up several dictionary definitions for “happiness”, as well as the article on Wikipedia. The definition of “being happy” generally either means having feelings of positive emotions and/or feelings of life satisfaction.

These are two very different things.

Let’s first consider the definition that Happy = Positive Emotions.

It is very easy to equate happiness to positive emotions. Many even equate happiness to hedonistic pursuits. The pursuit of pleasurable feelings thus drives many in modern life, with the justification that one is virtuously also pursuing “happiness”. This virtue-signalling is prevalent on social media platforms, where everyone on it is essentially trying to prove to everyone else how giddily happy they are.

The problem with chasing positive emotions is that emotions are fleeting. Even the intense joy after winning a great tournament, or the thrill of becoming a millionaire for the first time fades quickly. After the rush, you just go back to baseline.

Secondly, let’s consider the definition that Happy = Life Satisfaction.

Happiness as life satisfaction is a great thing… but it’s hardly instructive. If I suggested that in order to be “happy” you would have to pursue “life satisfaction”, this gives you your goal but not the method to get there.

Life satisfaction is great, but how do you get that?

By the way, I love happiness, whether we’re talking about positive emotions or feelings of life satisfaction.

But, it’s not enough, whatever your definition. Emotions are fleeting and temporary. Life satisfaction describes a goal, but not how to get there.

The worst strategy a person could have is to chase hedonistic pursuits in the hope of life satisfaction. A lot of people try achieving happiness this way. It is not such a stretch for me to say that this strategy won’t work.

So, for this article, let’s put aside the concept of “happiness”.

This is where meaning and purpose comes in.

The Purpose of Purpose

Purpose is your reason for living. It answers the question, “What are you doing with your life?”

Purpose can be singular or plural. That is, you can have one or more purposes. Multiple purposes can form your overall purpose.

There are several purposes that drive me. My purposes in life are: to be a great father and husband, to excel in my career as a radiation oncology physicist, and to produce written and audio content for a global audience on how to be a great parent.

With purpose, a person has a reason to get up out of bed every morning, to keep himself healthy and fit, and to look forward to a promising future.

Without purpose, a person is at risk of nihilism, depression, and is open to evil ideologies.

When I held each of my daughters for the first time after they were born, I was looking directly at my purpose in life. Everything I do I do it for them. It keeps me going along a positive track in life.

Purpose has the considerable benefit of being its own reward. Pursuing a purpose in life brings life satisfaction all on its own.

The Meaning of Meaning

The other thing that sustains a human being through life is called meaning.

Meaning is the value attached to your purpose. It can even be attached to suffering.

Meaning answers the question, “What value do you bring to the world?”

More meaning drives a person to make more out of life.

Your purpose intrinsically links up to meaning. That is, a purpose is underwritten by some sort of value, which is what we’re calling “meaning”.

I work in health care, within the Canadian socialized health care system. I have always wondered why public health care systems work. In most other fields, collectivization of a sector of the economy by government often ends in mismanagement, because government sucks at running things. Why hasn’t health care succumbed? Perhaps health care is unique in that workers find meaning in the work itself beyond any financial gain. Maybe that’s what keeps these systems afloat.

Meaning is critically important to life fulfillment. Meaning infuses many things in my own life. When I play with my daughters, I derive meaning from it. As I write, my fingers type meaning. When I am at work, I am working on meaning. The things I do every day align with my own meaning. This alignment is the key to being fulfilled—and yes, even some happiness from time to time.

Meaning, like purpose, also has the considerable benefit that the pursuit is its own reward.

Meaning and purpose are more important than “happiness”

Happiness is a difficult concept to nail down. Many pursue pleasure to attain happiness, and others think of happiness as a goal achieved later (always later!) in life.

Although I’ve got nothing against “happiness”, I know that conceptually the pursuit of happiness will always be incomplete.

What every human being needs in order to attain fulfillment is purpose and meaning. By pursuing these, you’re opening yourself to fulfillment not some distant day in the future, but each and every day.

-Anthony Kim