The Truth About Jane’s Assassination Attempt

Something’s fishy about how Jane almost died on the moon. Let’s see if we can’t get to the bottom of this mystery!



Notice how Roxy nearly instantly knows where Jane is, despite the fact that Jane had only sent the following two snapchats photos:

This one shows only a banner threatening Jane’s life. There is no way Roxy could have recognized it.



This one gives a dark and blurry view of a red wall with some shadows on it.

Remember that Roxy is one of the players who chose to live in the Carapace Kingdom, which built this installation.

This explains how Roxy knows about the building and the moon destruction plan. But even if she had seen that building before, even if she had been in it or even made it herself, there’s no way one picture of a wall would be enough to identify it uniquely. Jane could be anywhere in the world, so long as it is dark and painted red. How does Roxy instantly know where she is?



The second question is how did she get there in the first place?

She was using a hacked transportalizer. And why did she stay in the base instead of fleeing? Because Roxy told her “find a place 2 hide were comin to ur rescue.”



Roxy and Jane are both God Tiers. Jane could have easily flown from the moon to Earth in the same amount of time it took Roxy to fly from Earth to the moon. And why did she even use the transporalizer in the first place?

Because Roxy invited her to dinner. But what is Roxy doing asking Jane to join her date with Calliope at a fancy restaurant? Little protip: If you’re taking your girlfriend out on a nice Thanksgiving/birthday date and she starts texting her best friend to invite her to come too? That means your relationship is crashing and burning like an airplane that’s rapidly loosing altitude over a district of Tabasco sauce factories.



Yet this is happening in their first year on Earth C…

… 5000 years into the new civilization’s history.

But three years later on John’s 19th birthday, April 13th 5003…

… the two of them are still together.

Maybe they patched things up.

Or maybe Roxy had a more sinister motive and was relying on Calliope’s inexperience with human social norms to get away with such a strange and suspicious action.



Jane was kidnapped through hacking. Who is an expert hacker? Roxy Lalonde.

The moon destroying plan is supposed to be a “surprise” for the creators…

…but who knew about it beforehand and could have even given her kingdom the idea herself? Roxy Lalonde.

The whole plan hinges on the fact that Jane will use the hacked transportalizer a few minutes before the laser was scheduled to be fired. And who guaranteed that she would be there by inviting her out at exactly the right time, then telling her to stay put? Roxy Lalonde.

The whole thing is a set up. Roxy was trying to murder Jane the whole time. She is the one who hacked the transportalizer. She’s the one who made the fake banner framing a group of radical troll racists. She’s the one who timed it all so that Calliope would be a witness.

Roxy is using poor innocent Calliope as her alibi. Notice how Calliope did not bring her own phone. They’re just passing Roxy’s back and forth, which is why you never see one holding a phone in a picture taken by the other. This is why Roxy brought Calliope along on her moon rescue mission, despite the fact that Calliope cannot fly and so can only slow Roxy down. On one hand, it gives Roxy a witness to tell the others that she did everything she could to try to save Jane’s life. On the other, it prevents Calliope from trying to call for help from…

…Jade, who can fling vehicles at fractions of the speed of light, and who could therefore rescue Jane much faster than Roxy herself.

…John, who can instantly retcon himself to the moon and just as instantly retcon himself and Jane back to Earth.

…Dave, who can use time travel to arrive at the moon before he departs and drag Jane to a safe point in the future.

…or the Creator Simultaneitivity Jubilee Committee, who Roxy should clearly know exists because of how easily she recognized their base and who are certain to delay or cancel the firing of the laser if ordered by either Roxy or Calliope, who are two of the direct rulers of the Carapacian Kingdom.

Roxy will, of course, claim that she wasn’t thinking clearly to explain why she rushed off on her own, and poor naive Calliope will be there to back her up.

As for the motive? I’m not clear on that one yet, but my gut tells me it’s the oldest one in the book: love. Roxy is afraid Calliope may love Jane more than her, so she’s rubbing out the competition. Further upd8s may provide more clues that give Roxy different or additional incentives to get rid of Jane, however.

Edit: Thank you to Reddit poster Treek for pointing out that Jane needs to die a just death for it to stick. The most likely explanation now is that Jane’s bout of megalomania at the end of the last update is not a new development, but part of a gradual slide into darkness. Roxy’s most likely motive is that she realizes Jane is dangerous and is willing to sacrifice her for the greater good.

