Second thing I wish I could have told myself at 25 when I had an autistic son:

You will not be living a normal life.

You won’t. That is just how it is. There is nothing wrong with that, some things will be better but it will not be normal, plain and simple.

Whether it is taking separate vacations: https://stoppingpuncheswithmyface.wordpress.com/2012/02/27/remake-the-adventures-of-babysitting/

Getting uninvited to church:

https://stoppingpuncheswithmyface.wordpress.com/2012/02/22/hiding-in-plain-site/

Or fighting to get your child the very basic care that they need:

https://stoppingpuncheswithmyface.wordpress.com/2012/02/01/meeting-for-meetings-about-meetings/

Things are going to be different.

Different good and different bad.

We covered the bad above, let’s cover the good.

After a few years you may find yourself much less interested in material things (especially after many of your favorite things are have been damaged and destroyed).

And while that may be frustrating, you will start to appreciate other more important, things.

I am much more appreciative of my health now.

You may really appreciate your relationship with your other child(ren). I deeply treasure my relationship with my daughter.

I try to teach her everything I would teach a boy or a girl. I talk to her about school and her interests but also interact with her at a different level. I explain to her how stocks work, what derivatives are, how to block a punch, how to throw a punch, how to set up jokes. In short I have a much deeper relationship with her than I might otherwise have if my situation where different.

Your relationship with your spouse will be forced to develop. Statistics for the divorce rate of couple with a special needs child are not good. You love that person but you will also need them. As a full and complete partner. You will know them and they will know you like few people know each other. The discomforts of daily life will force you to ache for a connection, not to take away the pain, but to share the pain with together, reducing it by half. It’s a wordless connection that is hard to create without the pressure and heat created by the difficulty of your situation.

Things have changed and you will not be living a normal life.

Enjoy it.

-Continued tomorrow-