Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman), Parks and Recreation

He hates people. He loves killing animals. But every time Ron opens his mouth to utter a completely deadpan diatribe on technology, government or clear alcohol, we get a little turned on. Add to that Ron's very well-hidden, but very strong feelings of admiration for his polar opposite, Miss Enthusiastic-About-Everything Leslie Knope, and suddenly we're weak in the knees. And did we mention he has a pyramid named after him and he moonlights as a jazz saxophone player named Duke Silver? The line to become Tammy No. 3 starts behind us.