We'd like to introduce ourselves. We're Aunt and Uncle Agony; a wise pair to whom Stuff readers can send in their dilemmas and questions (nothing's too big or too small).

We'll advise on what we think is the best course of action, hopefully - as you'll see as we go on - from very different perspectives. (Uncle's blunt, but honest. Aunty too is honest, but practical and kind.) Advice may well be conflicting and often confusing.

And let us assure you that we have absolutely no formal qualifications in this area (disclaimer: some times it might be best to ignore us....), but we are very well schooled in the University of Life. We've both survived our childhoods, enjoyed our teens, tore-up our twenties, made many mistakes, had the odd success and now sit comfortably well into our thirties. One's married, the other isn't; one's got kids, the other hasn't. We like to think we're well versed in matters of the heart and the odd other trial and tribulation too.

But this isn't all about us. We also owe some very special thanks to 21-year-old Corey. He is the young man who provided us the inspiration to start this column when he turned to Stuff with a heartfelt question, a genuine cardiac conundrum.

So let's get things started with Corey's verdict today, and feel free to send us your questions at theagonys@stuff.co.nz and we'll get to those as and when we can.

Dear Aunt and Uncle,

I met this girl ... [at a party event] on the weekend, we made love, and now I'm going to ask her to marry me. Is it to soon? Four days into it now and I'm confident ... I'm only 21. Should I do it?

- Corey

Uncle Agony -

Short answer: No.

Corey, firstly I'm going to go out on limb here and assume that you think she's pregnant. You're young, so I can kind of understand your anxiety (read: sheer panic); you don't want a bastard child on your conscience.

But, lad, let me assure you that there are several other options in front of you before you make some wild leap down the aisle in a misguided attempt at chivalry.

- Run; run like the wind. I'm assuming you had enough nous to use a fake name during this weekend sex soiree, so what are the odds she'll find you?

- Deny, deny, deny. Will she even be able to afford a paternity test?

- Adopt the kid out to a needy celebrity looking for a baby to better their paparazzi offering. (If the mother comes from a struggling third world country, you'll better your return-on-investment.)

- Man up, have the kid, but don't run headlong into a ready-made-family. In fact, a young fella like you, walking a pram through the park at the weekend = chick magnet. (Potentially an even better ROI.)

Now, if I was wrong with my initial assumption, my answer is still ... no. NO!!!

You want to marry someone you've known for all of ... what was it ... five minutes???? Nonsense, utter nonsense. Are you going to want to marry every woman you jump into bed with?

You don't know the meaning of love at 21 and, believe me Sonny Jim, you don't want those responsibilities just yet. We're talking nagging, hen-pecking and berating 24/7; we're talking no more after-work drinks with the lads, no more weekend football matches and definitely no more meeting a girl at the weekend and sleeping with her ...

Ideally, you've already wised up to the above advice. If not, then please Corey, please, just promise me you'll at least give it months rather than weeks or days?

(Advice qualifier: If she's rich, bag her now and secure the dowry)

Aunt Agony -

Now, now, now ... unlike Uncle Agony I'm actually assuming that you really like this woman and think she may be 'The One'. There are a few reasons for that: a.) You never even mentioned pregnancy (though it's a very real possible outcome), b.) You talk of 'making love' - now I've never really heard a guy use that term before so I'm assuming you think you are 'in lourve'. and c.) You say "you're confident", but of what, exactly?

Let's just examine the situation for a moment.

You were with this woman for all of what, a few days. But you met at a party event for goodness sake. While a party can be a lot of fun, the reality is we don't all get dressed up, get drunk and party everyday. Life is full of responsibility. How can you possibility know in the middle of a party atmosphere that she is the one you want to share your life with?

Remember, it's the highs and the lows (of which there can be many), it's living together for the rest of your lives' - think those little quirks that can drive you mad: personal hygiene habits, not to mention her dining, TV, movie and music preferences.

You're 21. You have the rest of your life to get married. In the words' of my dear friend's ex-boyfriend, "Don't do it".