Do I really have todo this, Dad ? Stan, now more than ever, you need to understand theimportance of saving money. But Grandma saidI could use this money to buy whatever I want. Okay, next please ! Go on, Stanley. How can I help you,young man ? I got a $100 checkfrom my grandma and my dad saidI need to put in the bank so it can grow overthe years. Well, that's fantastic. A really smart decision,young man. We can put that check ina money-market mutual fund, then we'll reinvestthe earnings into foreign-currency accounts with compounding interest and it's gone ! Uh, what ? It's gone,it's all gone. What's all gone ? The money in your account,it didn't do too well. It's gone. What do you mean ?I have $100. Not anymoreyou don't-- poof. Well, what can I doto get back my-- I'm sorry, sir,but this line is for bank members only. I just openedan account ! Do you have any moneyinvested with this bank ? No, you just lost it all. Then please stand aside for people who actuallyhave money with us. Next please ! Hey ! Hello, Mrs. Farnickle,how are you today ? Making a deposit are we ? Great, we can just put thatinto your retirement account and make it go to workfor you and it's gone. What ? Sorry, yeah, that's gone. Please step aside forpeople who actually have moneywith the bank. Next please.Dad ! Hey, I'm trying to teach my sonthe importance of savings ! You alreadylost his money ? Oh, Mr. Marsh, don't worry, we can justtransfer money from your account intoa portfolio with your son's-- aaaand it's gone ! This line is for people whohave money with the bank only. Please step aside !

An economic crisishas hit South Park and the nationlike never before. Another South Park bankhas closed down, leaving thousandsof people in debt. It's just crazy,you know ? Everyone's affected by it. It's like allthe money just vanished. It's really terrifying. We've got no money topay our mortgage now. We could very easilylose our house. Hi, Grandma ! First the moneystarted goin' and now everyone'sgettin' laid off work ! They took our jobs ! They took our jobs ! Derk er derrrrrr ! Deeerkerrdrrr !Deeerkerrrrrrdrrrr ! Just how far willthe economy fall ? We asked economic reporterDan Banks for his assessment. We'll have the rest of Dan'sinterview tonight at 10.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Sliced hot dogsand tomato slices ?! You said we had to becareful with our money. I've got nothing fora food budget ! Mom, Dad, how comethere's suddenly no money ? I'll tell youwhat happened, son. See, there's a bunchof idiots out there who weren't happywith what they had. They wanted a bigger houseand materialistic things that they didn't even need-- people with no money who gotloans to buy frivolous things they had no business buying. And these assholes justblindly started buying any stupid thingthat looked appealing because they thought moneywas endless. It goes back to when thegovernment had the idea that everyone in Americadeserves to own a house... ( Margaritaville whirring ) So we have people having a hardtime paying their loans, meaning less money coming in. And the idiots couldn'tsee that by doing all this frivolous spendingthey were mocking The Economy. And they made The Economyvery angry. We're all feelingThe Economy's vengeance because of materialisticheathens who did stupidthings with their money. Do you understand, son ? Yeah, I think I get it. And so why is oureconomy failing us ?

too low for too long ! The government tookour economy for granted and now we are all herepaying the price ! How long will we sitand watch our economy fall... ... And so I say to you, do not listen tothe Wall Street brokers, for th are the ones who put usin this situation ! Fat cats with corporate greed. They are the ones who knowinglydrove us down this pathway... ( Cartman )Where has all the money gone ? It must havegone somewhere. The answer is obvious,my friends. It is the Jews-- covetous Jews,who have taken all our money and hoarded it forthemselves, hidden all the cashin some... secret Jew cave that they built probablyback in the early '60s. It is The Jews, my friends... ( Randy )Now we hear all different people casting all differentkinds of blame from person to person. But the fault liesin all of you. You, who boughtthat $300,000 house when you only had 20,000to put down. You, who bought that third car even though only two peoplein your home drive. It is time tostop pointing fingers ! Finger-pointing gets usnowhere ! Steve ! We have mocked our Economy, and now The Economy has castits vengeance upon us all. He's right. This is the first guy toactually make sense. Yea, it is an angryand unforgiving Economy. To repent, we must stopfrivolous spending. Instead of paying forcable, let us watch clouds ! Instead of buying clothes, wearbut sheets from thine beds ! Cut spending to onlythe bare essentials: water and breadand Margaritas, yea.

Can I help you ? Yeah, I wanna return thisMargaritaville my stupid dad bought. Oh, that's allwe get anymore, returns. Could you please just putthe receipt here on this table ? Sorry, our computers area little slow today. We need a new Ethernet cable. Oh, I'm sorry, sir, I'd liketo give you a refund but I'm afraidit's not doable. What ? I said I'm not able, sir. You see, this Margaritavillewas purchased with a payment plan.So ? Well, an outsidefinancing company handles those payment plans. Customers just payfor some of the machine and the finance companypays for the rest. Well, can't I just return itand get the money my dad put in back ? Hmm... that's improbablebut not impossible. I'm not reallysure how it works. You'll have to speak withthe people at the top. I can give youthe finance company's address if that's agreeablewith you.

rather thanlovers of The Economy. There are those who willsay that The Economy has forsaken us. Nay, you hath forsakenThe Economy ! And now you knowThe Economy's wrath. Oh, thoust can shop ina sporting-goods store but knowest thou thatThe Economy will take away thy Broncos cap fromthine head. You mockedThe Economy without fear. Thine own stock brokers now lie deadby their own hand. And thou knowest thatthy stock broker did not fear The Economy ! Well, here weare, my friends. You have brought The Economy'svengeance upon yourselves. What can we do, Randy ? Yes, tell us !Tell us, what to do ? Tell us, Randy,what we should do !What do we do, Randy ?! We must all wear sheetsinstead of buying clothes that need detergent. Instead of cars thattake gasoline, we can get around onllamas from Drake's farm ! Instead of video games thattake batteries and software our kids will playwith squirrels ! We must let The Economy know that we are capable ofrespecting it ! No more needless spending ! ( cheering ) The Economyis our shepherd. We shall not want. ( cheering )

Mornin', Ted. Mornin', Al. Well, this sucks. Sure was better when ourparents were buying us stuff. Heghgh ! Of all the times forpeople to decide to stop buying things, it had to bethe week that Grand Theft Auto 4 comes outfor Nintendo DS ! Heghgh ! You want something newevery week, fat ass. Don't you fraternize me ! This is all yourfault, you know ! My fault ?! The Jews took allthe money away and they-- Don't even start !Don't even start, Cartman ! Well, why are we wearingbed sheets and playing withsquirrels, Kyle ? Not because ofthe Jews, Butters ! Who told you that ?! Well, Eric did. Just tell us wherethe cave is, Kyle. Now, look... the reason we'rein this situation is because peopleare being stupid ! The Economy isn't somevengeful being that takesthings away from us ! The Economy is justmade up of people. And people have justlost their faith in it ! What people really should bedoing is spending more. Spending is fine ! We best speak withthe council. Tell them a young Jew is speaking heresytowards The Economy.

Can I help you ? I wanna return thisMargaritaville. Okay, let mesend you into Josh. Hey, Welcome toBig Orange Finance company ! Yeah, have a seat. You want someCarmex ? No thanks. I wanna return thisMargaritaville and the guy atSur La Table said that you're the companythat financed it. Ooh, yeah,no, you know what, no... yeah... What ? Yeah, we can't give you yourmoney back for that, yeah, no. You'd have to talk to thepeople on Wall Street, yeah. Wall Street ? Yeah, no, see,what I do is find Americans who want a frozen-beveragemachine but can't afford one and I hook them up withinvestors who want to get into the Margaritavillepayment-plan business, yeah. So ? Yeah, so the problem is yourMargaritaville payment plan has been combinedwith thousands of others into one big Margaritavillesecurity, yeah, no. Yeah, no... yeah. ( sighing )

The entire town has given overto your ways, Mr. Chairman. Everyone has evenstopped using electricity so as to stop payingelectrical bills. You've really done anamazing thing, Mr. Marsh. People have learned tohold on to their money so as not tofeel the sting of The Economy'smighty sword. I am pretty smart, yea. But I have assembled thisEconomic Committee to make sure thateveryone sticks to my new plan. We've got guards postedat the malls to make sure nobody getstempted to buy dumb stuff. And Pat Saltzman is doinghouse checks to make sure nobody's ordering anythingstupid on-line. Then perhaps soon ourEconomy will return to us. Council, I bring newsof discord ! A young Jew wasin the town square speaking blasphemyabout The Economy. What ? He was saying thatyour ideas are false and The Economy is notvengeful ! He was rallyingpeople to spend more ! Spend more ? What mockery is this ? Relax, Father Maxi. What harm can one Jewdo against our Economic Recovery Movement ?

I was in a field, and I had Grand Theft Auto:Chinatown Wars right next to me. But thenthe sky went black and Grand Theft Auto:Chinatown Wars just melted in my hands. ( sobbing ) What's that ? Excuse me, we need toborrow your squirrels ! What ? ( Mr. Garrison )No, please, please ! You have sinned ! Oh, Jesus,I'm sorry, please ! What's going on ? Garrison, you have broughtyour filth to this town for the last time ! What did he do ? Your teacher was caught buyinga KitchenAid stand mixer at Bed Bath & Beyond. Take thy punishment,heathen ! Ahghghgghgh ! Hey, hey,stop it, stop ! Move aside, kid, he mustpay for his stand mixer ! Come on, this isridiculous ! What's ridiculousabout hucking squirrels at a man who has angeredThe Economy ? Just have a littlecompassion, huh ?! I mean, everyone's gone outand bought something stupid. It's not so bad. Whichever of you guyshas never bought anything frivolous go ahead and huckthe next squirrel. Ugh ! ( bell dinging )

Excuse me ? Excuse me ?! I'd like to return thisMargaritaville please. Margaritaville ? My dad bought iton a payment plan that was set up bya finance company which got their principalinvestors from somebody here. Oh, that makes sense. It does ? You see, son, we lumpedthousands of these Margaritavilleinstallment plans together into Margaritaville-basedsecurities, then chopped thosesecurities up in a way that we could sellthem to banks. So I can return itto a bank ? Nope. Because a bunch of peoplelike you are defaulting on their Margaritavillesso the Government had to buy the Margaritaville assetsfrom the banks. What ?! Just talk to the TreasuryDepartment in DC. They're the ones who reallyunderstand how all this works. Oh, sell, sell, sell, sell,sell, sell, sell ! Agh ! Listen, this isall you need to know. The Economy is nota supernatural, all-knowing entity. The Economy is just an ideamade up by people thousands of years ago. The Economyis not real and yet it is real. Nowadays they'llgive credit cards to practically anyone whoapplies for them. I applied for thisyesterday to prove a point. It is an American ExpressPlatinum card. It has no spending limit. ( gasping ) Do not be afraid. This is only plastic. It's just somethingmade up by people. Truly meaningless untilwe put our faith in it. Faith is what makesan Economy exist. Without faith... it is only plastic cardsand paper money.

the young Jewis not letting up. He is still going aroundconvincing people to have faith inThe Economy by shopping. We've done everything we can and yet The Economyhas not improved. Worse, it has declined. Poor Bart here justlost his job at Little Caesars Pizza. Our tireless work is obviouslybeing undermined by this one Jew. Why does he go aroundpretending to know the true willof The Economy ? Perhaps, he is The Economy'sonly son, sent to save us. Are you retarded,Stotch ?! The Economy is omnipotent, which means itcan do anything. So saying it would belimited to one son is fucking stupid ! That is stupid, yea. And going around telling peopleto shop is dangerous. Well, then there'sonly one option. We have tokill the Jew. Yep, I think we gottakill the Jew. I don't know. He's got a lotof support. It might be hard toeven catch this Jew. ( high-pitched screeching ) Did somebody saycatch a Jew ? The person you'reafter might be hard get but I can bring himto you. And all I want in return is Grand Theft Auto:Chinatown Wars for hand-held Nintendo DS.

Uh, how can we help you,young man ? I want to returnthis Margaritaville ! My dad bought it ona payment plan set up by a finance companythat got investors fromWall Street who combined it intosecurities sold to banks who transferredit to you ! Oh, that makes sense. Ahghgh ! No problem. We just need to consultthe chart. We can determineyour property's value and we'll be done. Really ? Thank you. Be right back. ( screech & thump ) Excellent news, sir. We've determinedthe investment value of your Margaritavilleto be $90 trillion. What ?!

Hey, what's the matter,Kyle ? You seem b-b-bummed out. I just have a feelingthis might be the last time we get to do this. Well, don't worry, Kyle. We're not gonna letpeople kill you. We'll keep youhidden forever ! I can't just hidemy whole life, Butters. And besides, I have thisstrange feeling that one of you isgonna totally betray me. ( all gasping ) All right, whoever is thinkingof betraying Kyle, that is not cool. That's freakin'lame, dude. Kyle's trying to getthe economy going again. If somebody's thinking ofstabbing him in the back, you're being a dick. ( clearing throat ) Go ahead, Kyle. Whoever it mighthappen to be... I'm not givinghim the opportunity. Tomorrow I'm going todo something. Something I'veknown I would have to do to restore people's faith. Kyle, please,for f-f-f-fuck's sake, don't do anything drastic. There's no choiceany more, guys. Don't worry about me. I've been preparing forthis for a while now. No, no, no, no,excuse me !

How can this stupid thingbe worth $90 trillion ?! What, you thinkit's worth more ? No, dude, that doesn'tmake sense ! Well, you don't get$90 trillion but the chart saysthat's what it's worth. Uh-oh, problem !Problem again ! What is it now ? Another insurance companyis about to go under. If they do, peoplecould lose millions. Okay, no problem, we betterconsult the chart ! Sirs, another insurancecompany is going under ! Now determining most prudentmove for insurance company ! ( clucking ) ( kazoo playing ) ( dinging ) Bailout ! The most prudent moveis a bailout ! Bailout the insurancecompany !