Autofellatio

How many times have you looked at a dog licking his private parts and thought, “Hmm, if only I could do that”? You’re not alone. Rest assured that most, if not all men have thought the exact same thing. Some have even attempted it. But despite the interest, few men discuss the act of autofellatio, or self-sucking. So here’s a guide to tell you everything you want to know about the art of solo sucking.

Because They Can

Some people, especially women, may wonder why guys would want to give themselves a BJ . The answer is pretty simple – it’s the same reason why dogs lick themselves down there…because they can. A self-service blowjob (autofellatio) is just like masturbation, only better. You get all the stimulation of a hot, wet mouth, but you get it just the way you like it. On the downside, there are no surprises, and self-sucking may kind of be like trying to tickle yourself…but on the upside, there are no bad surprises, like scraping teeth or sloppy technique. Additionally, a lot of guys get turned on by ejaculating on themselves and even swallowing their own cum. Self-sucking gives you the most efficient delivery method if you’re into eating your own.

You’ve Got to Flex It

In order to suck yourself off, you need to have one of two things (preferably both): a very flexible spine, or a very long dick. Having a longer penis obviously makes self-sucking easier by decreasing the distance from your cock head to your mouth, so the longer your dick, the less you have to bend. However, since penis length is something you either have or don’t, we’ll concentrate on what you can do to increase your spinal flexibility.

Fortunately, in order to self-suck, you don’t have to have an enormous cock. Many guys who are just average sized (5 to 6 inches hard) can do it. Unless you were born double-jointed or have been practicing yoga for the last 10 years, it will probably take some time and practice to get your dick and your mouth to meet up. Other prerequisites are overall health of your back and neck. If you have a slipped disk, misaligned vertebrae, or any other chronic back problem, we don’t advise attempting autofellatio. Even those with healthy and normal backs need to exercise caution and not push themselves when self-sucking to avoid back injuries. Besides a bad back, having a huge gut is another impediment to self-sucking. You can probably work around a small beer belly, but if you have a major overhang, it’s going to get in the way and block you from your goal. So, if you’re not quite in shape, start reaching for your toes and crunching those abs.

Get in Position

The easiest and probably most effective position for autofellatio is lying on your back. You’ll probably want to use a bed, sofa, or other cushioned surface for comfort, although practicing on a carpeted floor can sometimes give you better leverage. You should have a wall or a headboard nearby to brace your feet against. Lie down (naked, of course) with the top of your head at least a foot from the wall. Pull your legs up and roll back onto your shoulders, raising your legs over your head. Brace your feet on the wall and “walk” your way down until your crotch is close to your face. Lift your head up if necessary to get closer. If your back feels tight, don’t strain to reach your cock, even if it’s tantalizingly close. Just let your muscles stretch. You may want to use one hand to pull your cock closer. Suck what you can, if you can – otherwise, just wank and keep practicing.

A variation on this position is the gravity-assisted method, where you simply lie back, throw your legs up over your head, and let gravity pull them down. To help out, you can hook one or both arms behind your knees and pull towards you. Don’t pull too hard or strain yourself. With both of these positions, be careful about putting too much pressure on your neck or pulling on it too hard.

If you can get your mouth around your cock head, you’re doing great. Just use your tongue and lips to stimulate yourself. The cock head is the most sensitive part of your dick anyway. If you are able to get your mouth around a significant portion of your cock, you can either move your head up and down to get a sucking rhythm going, or flex your legs and back to move your lower body up and down. Probably you will want to alternate these to avoid fatiguing your neck or back.

The seated position is another good one for autofellatio beginners. Simply sit on the edge of a chair, couch, or bed, and bend down towards your dick, curving your back. Be sure you suck in your gut to get it out of the way. Grab onto the edge of whatever you’re sitting on and use it to pull yourself further down. Or hook an arm under your knees and pull up. You may want to keep one hand on your dick to steady it, or to pull it upwards towards your mouth. In this position you need to use a bobbing motion of your head or upper body to go down on yourself. Again, don’t strain your back or neck or move too suddenly.

Tantric Yoga for One

If you’re already really flexible, or you’ve mastered the basic positions and are ready to move on, you can try a more advanced posture. In the lying position, place your knees on either side of your head and see how far down you can lower your crotch. Some guys are so limber they can get their balls in their mouths. Those with really flexible hip joints can attempt the human pretzel maneuver, where you put your feet up over your head and essentially fold yourself in half, then lock your legs into position by crossing your feet behind your head.

Standing positions are also more challenging. Start by leaning your back against a wall for support and doubling over. You

can clasp your hands behind your thighs and pull down to get yourself closer. As you get more flexible and improve your balance, stand away from the wall and reach down and grasp your calves for stability.

Taking yoga classes or practicing yoga at home is actually a good idea for improving your mobility and range of motion for self-sucking. Many yoga postures, such as the plow (lying with your feet extended over your head) lend themselves naturally to autofellatio. Just try not to think about it too much during yoga class so you don’t pop a boner.

OK, Now What?

Once you’ve got your dick in your mouth, what do you do? Even if you don’t have cocksucking experience, we assume most of you won’t have much trouble figuring this one out, but here are some suggestions if you need them. Run the tip of your tongue around the head of your cock, or under your foreskin if you’re uncut. Stick the tip of your tongue in the piss slit. Try licking and tickling the frenulum, which is on the underside of your cock head (the top side, from a self-sucking perspective). Wrap your lips around the cock head and apply suction. Suck in more and pull your cock in past your lips, then pop it in and out. If you’re long enough or limber enough, go ahead and try deep-throating it.

More Tips

Autofellatio can be strenuous and physically demanding. Here are other tips to help you get ready and warmed up:

Stretch before your session; make sure you stretch the muscles of your back, neck, and legs to avoid cramping or pulled muscles.

Drink plenty of water to keep your muscles hydrated; this also prevents cramping, injuries, and fatigue.

Make sure your stomach is empty; wait an hour or two after a meal, and empty your bowels if possible. It’ll be more comfortable and your stomach contents won’t get in the way when you double over.

Don’t strain yourself and stop if you feel any pain.

Vary positions to avoid putting too much strain or pressure on the same muscles and parts of your spine.

If At First You Don’t Succeed

Don’t be disappointed if you can’t get your mouth on your cock the first time you try autofellatio. Self-sucking doesn’t come naturally to everyone. It can take discipline and practice, but as you keep at it, you will become more flexible. If at first you don’t succeed, just wank yourself off and call it good. The next time you’ll get a little closer to your goal. Some statistics say that only 1% of all men can self-suck, but we think that with practice and stretching, most guys should be able to at least make some mouth-to-cock contact, even if it’s only on the tip of the head. If nothing else, practicing self-sucking will make you more flexible and possibly increase your overall well-being. So take it slow, work with what you’ve got, and try to have fun.