SS Bernie Sanders, being torpedoed.

When the New York Times fires away, you know you’re in trouble.

So, if anyone had any hopes that Bernie would mount a successful POTUS campaign in 2020, best to give up hope, Bernie 2020 is taking on water.

It’s definitely not spontaneous. It’s revenge. One of the perceptions some people have, is that a reason Clinton lost is because Bernie torpedoed her in 2016. Is that what happened? I don’t think so. Some people think so. Anyway, those people will think this is fair. Maybe it is, who knows for sure, except everyone here with a hot take and a biased perception of 2016.

But take heart, we don’t need Bernie, the party knows what it’s doing. Just look at its track record over the last 25 years. Who could argue that the Democratic Party doesn’t have a clue what it’s doing? And Bernie’s not a real Democrat anyway. Unlike Joe Manchin III, who votes with Trump and the GOP 60% of the time. Now that’s a real Democrat, one anti-Sanders Democrats would likely prefer in the WH over Sanders, because, you know, he’s a real Democrat. An actual Democrat. A shitty Democrat perhaps, but still, ideology means less than having that (D) after your name, even if you’re views are actually closer to the party’s stated ideals and platform than an actual Democrat’s and you vote with Trump and the GOP less than most actual Democrats.

I don’t think Bernie will run in 2020, although he might, and I’m sure he’s seriously thinking about it. I would prefer he doesn’t. But it doesn’t matter now, that ship will be sinking if it’s not already sunk before the New Hampshire primary. So if you were hoping for Sanders 2020, do yourself a favor and give up now, get on a lifeboat.

I accept this will become the new normal. As should everyone. This isn’t just about Bernie and Hillary. This is going to be how it is from now on. Every four years the Democratic Party will divide and refight the Battle of the Somme. What could possibly go wrong? I’m sure that will be totally great for our party’s future. It’s better we’re tougher on each other than on the group of assholes who are trying to destroy our country. So please, continue holding on to petty grudges and let us be as vindictive as humanly possible toward each other. In no way will stoking bad feelings come back and bite us in the ass at some point. And if you think it’s entirely one candidate’s fault, great job! You’re already getting it!

Now for some predictions:

The Democrats will have a good 2018 and 2020 and the party will pat itself on the back and think they won because Americans just totally love them and they are political geniuses and not because the voters hate Trump. Just like 2006 had nothing to do with war and 2008 had nothing to do with the war and the economy or Bush.

The Democrats will fail to pass a tough gun control bill or medicare for all or do anything substantive about crushing student debt (or anything else big) and the Millennials, the largest generation in American history—and one that is results-oriented, will become less enthusiastic about voting for us, because “health care for everyone by 2136” is tough to get excited about. This will help the GOP stay afloat even as they go even more batshit crazy.

The GOP will recapture at least one house of Congress in 2022 and then proceed to take us down the path of fuckery again.

And this cycle will repeat.

The GOP will have the WH and both houses of Congress after 2028 and attempt to undo the piddly shit the Democrats did get passed as they frittered away their opportunities while in power.

The Browns will not win the Super Bowl during this period, but they will make the playoffs two years in a row. They will win a wildcard game and lose a divisional game and then the following year they’ll have a bye and then lose at home. Fans will riot. They won’t riot, it’ll be too cold, but they’ll be angry.

The winning Powerball numbers for Saturday, February 21st, 2026 will be: 07, 14, 23, 48, 63, and the Powerball will 22. But it’ll be a small jackpot, so why waste your time?