Project Management Jokes Humour Proverbs and Laws

Project Management Proverbs compiled and some written by Mike Harding Roberts





It takes one woman nine months to have a baby. It cannot be done in one month by impregnating nine women (although it is more fun trying). *

The same work under the same conditions will be estimated differently by ten different estimators or by one estimator at ten different times.

Any project can be estimated accurately (once it's completed).

The most valuable and least used WORD in a project manager's vocabulary is "NO".

The most valuable and least used PHRASE in a project manager's vocabulary is "I don't know".

Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it.

You can con a sucker into committing to an impossible deadline, but you cannot con him into meeting it.

At the heart of every large project is a small project trying to get out.

The more desperate the situation the more optimistic the situatee.

Too few people on a project can't solve the problems - too many create more problems than they solve.

A problem shared is a buck passed.

A change freeze is like the abominable snowman: it is a myth and would anyway melt when heat is applied.

A user will tell you anything you ask about, but nothing more.

A user is somebody who tells you what they want the day you give them what they asked for.

What you don't know hurts you.

Of several possible interpretations of a communication, the least convenient is the correct one.

The conditions attached to a promise are forgotten, only the promise is remembered.

Free Year Planners

Year planners and wall charts. Calendar, fiscal, academic year planners.



There's never enough time to do it right first time but there's always enough time to go back and do it again. (Project Management Proverbs complied and some written by Mike Harding Roberts. Collection copyright MLHR 1999 - 2020.)

I know that you believe that you understand what you think I said but I am not sure you realise that what you heard is not what I meant.

The sooner you begin coding the later you finish.

Estimators do it in groups - bottom up and top down. This is one of several originally written by Mike Harding Roberts around 1990.

Good estimators aren't modest: if it's huge they say so. This is one of several originally written by Mike Harding Roberts around 1990.

Anything that can be changed will be changed until there is no time left to change anything.

If project content is allowed to change freely the rate of change will exceed the rate of progress.

Change is inevitable - except from vending machines.

The person who says it will take the longest and cost the most is the only one with a clue how to do the job.

Difficult projects are easy, impossible projects are difficult, miracles are a little trickier.

If you don't plan, it doesn't work. If you do plan, it doesn't work either. Why plan!

The bitterness of poor quality lingers long after the sweetness of meeting the date is forgotten.

If you're 6 months late on a milestone due next week but nevertheless really believe you can make it, you're a project manager.

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

What is not on paper has not been said.

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it probably is a duck.

If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there.

If you fail to plan you are planning to fail.

If you don't attack the risks, the risks will attack you.

A little risk management saves a lot of fan cleaning. (This is one of several project management proverbs that appear on these pages that was written by Mike Harding Roberts. Written circa 1989.)

The sooner you get behind schedule, the more time you have to make it up.

A badly planned project will take three times longer than expected - a well planned project only twice as long as expected.

Right answers to wrong questions are just as wrong as wrong answers to right questions.

If you can keep your head while all about you are losing theirs, you haven't understood the plan.

When all's said and done a lot more is said than done.

If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can leave until the day after.

Feather and down are padding - changes and contingencies will be real events.

There are no good project managers - only lucky ones.

The more you plan the luckier you get. (This is one of several project management proverbs that appear on these pages that was written by Mike Harding Roberts. Written circa 1989 after Gary Player's "The more I practice the luckier I get".)

...next page









There are 3 pages (this is page 1).



Click here to go to page 2 Project Management Truths



Click here to go to page 3 Project Management Laws







These project management proverbs, truths and laws have been compiled and some written by Mike Harding Roberts

© MLHR 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 2009 2010 2011 2012 2013 2014 2015 2016 2017 2018 2019 2020

* though found in many variants, the original by Frederick P. Brooks is: "The bearing of a child takes nine months, no matter how many women are assigned."





Articles on Project Management:

Risk Management

Quality Management in Software Development Projects

The Tale of Three Project Managers

Towards a Project-Centric World

Project Management Proverbs, Saying, Laws and Jokes

So You Want To Be A Project Manager?

I.T. Project Management Books



