It was a Millennial’s nightmare: after a drunken night out, 25-year-old Hayley Minn forgot her purse in a bar. But the horror of losing all her belongings — ID, credit cards, extra makeup and probably some prime brand of gum — was probably nothing as terrible as what she found when it was returned.

Luckily, everything was still intact when Hayley received her purse in the mail, though she found an extra little present among her belongings. The man who found it took it upon himself to send her a letter, which would have been sweet if it wasn’t so weirdly psycho-stalkerish.

The only thing that could’ve made it worse is if he had written the whole thing in newspaper cut-out letters, like the serial killer he probably is.

The “secret friend or admirer” promised he only went through her belongings to find her address, but was prompted to reach out to Hayley due to her good looks and the fact that he found “some naughty stuff” in her purse. Hayley said that the secret admirer was referring to some condoms she kept inside.

Honestly, it doesn’t really help that his email is supposedly funny.stud@hotmail.com. What’s worse, the fact that he refers to himself as “funny.stud” or that he still uses hotmail?

Maybe consider moving in the near future, Hayley. Or, you know, changing your identity.