I’m not going to call myself a bad parent, but I will admit to having days where my patience is nearly non-existent. My wife and I have a vision on how we will raise our son, but in some moments I am unsure about the best way to guide him. Being a stay-at-home-dad I have the fortunate opportunity to dedicate myself as a full time caregiver, but on difficult days I still struggle to find the answers.

There is no such thing as a perfect parent. And although we often shine a bright light on the happy, positive moments on our social media feeds or with friends and family, the truth is we all have lackluster parenting moments. However, I do not view this reality as a negative. Like many of the other aspect in our lives, it is the challenges that force us to grow and become better people.

I believe the same applies to parenting.

Even during the murkiest of days, if we look for it, there is light at the end of the tunnel. The other day, this light was but a distant flicker at the end of what seemed to be a perpetual tunnel filled with unexpected turns and hurdles that tripped me during every step of our daily routine. My son was unusually defiant. Regardless of what simple tasks needed to be accomplished, he was unwaveringly determined to stick to his individual agenda. My patience was fluttering away with each insolent response to the simplest instructions and I could feel myself becoming overwhelmed. Small undertakings such as donning his shoes or tidying his toys became monumental challenges, or so it seemed. The day had become a test of wills.

“I have to do this first.”

“But I’m playing with this toy.”

“I can’t do that right now.”

“No.”

“Just one more minute.”

Nothing came easy. I felt like I was swimming upstream against an insurmountable current and no matter how hard I swam I kept getting pushed back to the estuary where I drowned in unremitting frustration. His objectionable behaviour lasted the afternoon and tapered off once my wife returned home from work.

Nearer the end of the day, as dinner warmed the inside of our bellies, we had taken a moment to exhale from our difficult time. My son had tired from screaming and crying and running. Exhaustion from handling disputes and unencumbered dissent gripped my body as I longed to settle in for the night. While my wife and I cleaned our plates and packed leftovers, my son approached me with sincere eyes and asked to race his favourite toy cars.

“I have to do this first”, I said to him, anxious to start settling in for the evening. He retreated to his toy bin, returned his car and removed two monster truck toys. Approaching me once again in the kitchen, he gently shoved my leg and presented me with two trucks to play with.

“I can’t do that right now, buddy. I just need to finish cleaning up the kitchen. Give me one more minute”, I tersely replied as I rushed to finish and enter nightly quiet time.

Following my response a strange feeling washed over me. My face felt flush and warm; my mouth dry. I was speaking the same words to my son as he spoke to me earlier that day. Had he learned to deflect from me? In this moment I was telling my son that what I wanted to do took invariable precedent over his desires. To him, I was being difficult.

It had become clear that my son had drawn a simple parallel between how I react to what he wants during busy times in my day and how he should react when he is involved in a task. Was I making his wishes feel unimportant?

I had the realization that I sometimes unfairly handle the stresses of being a stay-at-home-dad. In moments of frustration where I’m juggling household and child care responsibilities I need to remember that my actions and reactions will imprint on my son. As a father, it is my responsibility to provide the best example for my child and consciously influence him in the most positive ways.

In the words of James Baldwin, “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” This was the light at the end of my tunnel. These bad days and difficult moments should be viewed as gifts as they allow us to reflect and grow as parents.