Sit down, I'm going to tell you a story. Do you have a snack? I can wait. OK, great. My story's about a boy named Jack. Jack wasn't happy with the team he drafted, which is understandable, because it sucked. And after he only scored 70 points in Week 1, his worst fears were confirmed. Jack didn't know what to do. He knew he had to do something. But what? Jack's in one of those leagues that has a budget for waiver-wire acquisitions. He looked at all that money. $100. That's a lot of money — more money than he'd ever seen in his life. (Maybe not.) Jack, inspired by his hero Guy Fieri, decided he'd do something bold, something that would show the rest of his league that he wasn't laying down without a fight, even though his cause was hopeless and his team had less potential than a cup of instant ramen.

What he did was: he spent $70 of his $100 on Kevin Ogletree and Stephen Hill.