NEW YORK—Growing increasingly worried as news reports indicated that he communicated with the whistleblower organization during his father’s presidential campaign, a panicked Donald Trump Jr. reportedly tried to cover up his contact with WikiLeaks Friday by frantically deleting the Mozilla Firefox icon from his desktop. “Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, I gotta make sure they never, ever track me down,” said Trump, who dragged and dropped the Firefox icon on his home screen to the computer’s recycling bin and then proceeded to turn off his Wi-Fi, close the laptop without powering down, insert the device into a gel sleeve, and hide it under his bed for “maximum protection.” “I hafta be super careful. These feds are breathing down my neck, so I’m gonna go off the grid for a little bit.” At press time, Trump, who deemed the situation an “unexpected emergency,” retrieved the laptop, restored the icon, and used the browser to order food delivery before deleting it again and carefully concealing the computer under a blanket.

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