stadiums, fireworks, then/now/whatever

VIDEO: member how last Monday Mick tried to fire Steph and HHH said nah and then suddenly the mandible claw and then suddenly a low blow and then suddenly Seth fought HHH and then HHH killed Seth

UNIVERSE: wow yeah a lot happened there

here’s MICK

MICK: I will now read this prepared statement, thanks Steph and HHH, sorry bout the mandible claw, imma take a leave of absence WAIT THIS IS BULL

MICK’s mic cuts out, MICK yells stuff into nearest ring mic, suddenly STEPH

STEPH: YOU’RE FIIIIIIIIIIIRED

suddenly SAMI for some reason

SAMI: this is indeed bull

STEPH: this was not a smart decision, leave

SAMI: I don’t do the smart thing

BEAR: you’re not wrong

suddenly JOE

STEPH: Sami gets to fight Joe

SAMI: k rope dive

JOE: oh are we starting

JOE beats up SAMI

JOE: please die

SAMI: nah

JOE: why won’t you die

SAMI: that’s my entire gimmick

this goes on for a while

SAMI: I totally still have a chance to win

JOE: coquina clutch

SAMI: k

SAMI takes a nap

UNIVERSE: wait that was just the Fastlane match again wasn’t it

MICK: thanks for standing up for me Sami

SAMI: dude Mick I’m real sad about you leaving even though you kept stopping me from wrestling a few months ago

CESARO, SHEAMUS, BAYLEY: yeah bye Mick, have some hugs

suddenly HHH

HHH: HAFFA NICE DAY

MICK: k

MICK leaves

COLE: hey Seth’s doc, Seth’s rehabbing, how bout that

DOC: Seth’s recovering fast

COLE: is Seth gonna be at Mania

DOC: oh SURELY not no doc in ALL OF MERICA would EVER clear him to do that

BEAR: yeah it’s totally happening

suddenly upbeat 2001: A Space Odyssey music, CHARLOTTE and DANA have a fight

DANA: I am quite upset, have some offense

CHARLOTTE: k need a minute

DANA: k, now have a pin

CHARLOTTE: nah

DANA: well then have more offense

CHARLOTTE: nah, have chops

UNIVERSE: WE WANT PAIGE

VINCE: NAH YOU’RE SMARKS

UNIVERSE: NAH JUST BORED

CHARLOTTE: fine, pin

CHARLOTTE wins

STEPH: hey Bayley wanna hug

BAYLEY: nah, you suck in general

STEPH: you get to fight Nia later with no DQ, if Nia wins she joins the fight at Mania

JERICHO: the Universe is my friend, here’s some dirt on KO

UNIVERSE: k

JERICHO: so KO wore a Y2J shirt when he was 16, when he came into the WWE he got all up in my DMs, but he’s a stupididiot so imma beat him at Mania

UNIVERSE: wait is that it

JERICHO: also KO just made the li-

suddenly JOE

JERICHO: well hi

JOE: a stupididiot says what

JERICHO: wh - oh come on Bear that’s not nice

suddenly KO

KO: oh look a yummy list

KO eats LIST and kills JERICHO

suddenly purple ropes

THE BRIAN: shake my hand

TJ: k

THE BRIAN: PSYCH

TJ: not cool, have some flippiness

THE BRIAN: nah, pin

TJ: k

THE BRIAN: hey Akira I have your passport so you can’t come to Merica

BEAR: wait does Akira live in Japan and if so how did he get on the plane to go back there without his passp – oh wait this is wrestling

INTERVIEWER: hey Roman, you’re gonna fight Braun tonight but also Taker at Mania, how bout that

ROMAN: imma beat them cause this is my yard

here’s some filler video bout GOLDBERG/BORK

STEPH: hey Cesaro and Sheamus, you fight GoodBros and Zo&C in a handicap match tonight, if you lose you don’t go to Mania, HAFFA NICE DAY

BAYLEY and NIA have a fight, CHARLOTTE and SASHA watch Random Backstage TVs

BAYLEY: wanna have the same match we usually do

NIA: but muh no DQ

BAYLEY: fiiiiiine a few barricade and chair spots

NIA: yay

then NIA wins

BOW DOWN TO THE, BOW DOWN TO THE KING

COLE: hey HHH, Doc said Seth can’t compete at Mania, how bout that

HHH: I wanna fight Seth at Mania even though I told him he shouldn’t fight me at Mania a few weeks ago, the Universe cheers for guys when they do things that get them hurt, it happened to Mick and it happened last week to Seth

COLE: hey HHH, you used to like Seth, how bout that

HHH: I made things way too easy on Seth, I was his crutch then I beat him with a crutch, see how clever I am, here’s some nosebleed tickets for Seth at Mania, bye

HHH: oh wait hey imma draw up an agreement for an unsanctioned match at Mania and Seth can sign it, unless he’s a coward

COLE: neat

CESARO & SHEAMUS have a fight against GOODBROS and ZO&C

ZO&C: HOW YOU DOIN, SAWWWWWWFT, etc.

GOODBROS: you done

GOODBROS kill ZO&C

CASS: not cool

CASS kills ANDERSON, SHEAMUS pins him, ZO&C kill GOODBROS

NEW DAY: Mania’s gonna be cool

E: MAN BUCK ALL THAT

NEW. DAY shills. NEW. DAY shills.

suddenly purple ropes

TONY: imma beat you up so you can look strong for Mania

ARIES: k now imma beat you so I can look strong for Mania

that’s what happens, suddenly NEVILLE

NEVILLE: I could beat you up now but imma beat you at Mania

ARIES: nah imma beat you at Mania

DARK EMMA: coming soon btw

more filler GOLDBERG/BORK video

INTERVIEWER: hey Braun, you’re gonna fight Roman, h-

BRAUN: nah imma kill Roman

DUM DUM, DUM DUM, DUM DUM, DUMB DUMB

ROMAN: time to look strong

BRAUN: but I am very big, time to beat you up so you can overcome things

ROMAN: time to overcome thi-

BRAUN: nah not yet

ROMAN: superman punches, time to overcome thi-

GONG

BRAUN: oh look it’s Taker, maybe I can beat him up

TAKER: nah

ROMAN: time to overcome things

ROMAN overcomes things

TAKER: nah imma sit up and do the throat-slash thing

ROMAN does not overcome things