Bullshit.

This, is obviously the first thing that stormed through my mind when I received the email from the prior mentioned big-time literary agent, filled with rejection and dripping with condescension.

Nah I’m joking. In fact, despite the fact that the rejection letter was potentially automated, the words it contained were a perfect fit. At no point did it say anything negative about the writing, just that his own taste didn’t bond with the content. On top of that, as I mentioned previously, I no longer believed my manuscript to be ready for submission, and it’s actually quite embarrassing that I thought it was.

So, in conclusion, I got what I expected back from the guy, and he was right in doing so. But what does this mean now?

Work, work, motherfucking work. It seems to me now that a novel is never actually really completed, every time I pick it up I find a thousand things that I missed previously, whilst every day my knowledge of writing improves. This I have found to happen lately a lot more often, likely due to my own experience and knowledge around being an author rocketing drastically due to the help from Mark, my fantastic… Well, I can’t really call him a beta reader anymore, as he has become so much more than that. Bro, what you’re doing for me, I really can’t thank you enough.

Anyway, what would normally be the case right now would be one of two things.

Back to the drawing board. Rip it up, gut it and fuck it with a sledgehammer, until what remains is much, much shinier. Then restart. Continue to query, though obviously other people. As I mentioned before, I have only sent one query letter, and that was the dude that requested more. It’s a bit stupid to place all of your eggs in one basket really, yet me being me (aware of my impossibly great awesomeness) had decided that fate would take the wheel. One query, one email, and bam. I’m minted with a hilltop mansion and my favourite hobby is burning fifties in front of homeless people. I mean… What?

BUT, as the omnipotent being that I am, Mark and I are already over halfway through the rewrite. Well, almost. There’s a lot that needs to be fixed, a chapter to be rewritten, POV leaks and hands in places that they should most definitely not be. And for once, I mean that in a totally non-dirty way though I’m fully aware that the only person that’s going to understand that joke is Mark himself. So realistically it’s still got a way to go, but I’m confident I’ll get there, regardless of the fact that Mark keeps fighting to turn one of my main male protagonists into a sex mad female that wears pantaloons.

Pantaloons… So yeah, returning back to the letter. Of course, being new at this, I don’t know the ins and outs of the correct response to a rejection letter. I mean shit, do you just bow meekly, praise his majesty for his wise decision, then slip out the back door and beat yourself with a stick? Or do you scream profanities along the lines of “Fuck that bruh, manz tings are dem badaman tings. You don’t know shit about shit, shithead.” and finish the email with a meme of a sad looking seal.

Admittedly I was tempted to go with the latter, but fortunately went against it in the end. But what I did do, may be just as bad I suppose. In my reply, I accepted his rejection, even agreed with it, and explained most of what I’ve explained above (though in FAR more polite terms, and much much less words) and advised I had attached 10 pages of the rewritten story. It’s a longshot and will likely never even be looked at, but the dudes a hero of mine for some of the books he’s found and brought forth, so I just asked myself “why the fuck not?”

Anyway knobends, I’ll update you when my second rejection letter from the same agent arrives. (if it does at all).

Peace, love and pizza.