Emergency wreck-pick-pry tool

Wielded by fire and rescue workers everywhere, the Halligan Bar is the best door-smashing, get-me-the-heck-into/outta-here, zombie-fightin’ tool in the world. The deluxe 30-inch one I have (pic above) is made of high tensile strength titanium, so it will never rust and, despite its imposing appearance, weighs just 5.25 lbs. It even has eyelets for a strap! (note: less exorbitant Halligans are available in alloy steel; my titanium bar was a gift).

So far I’ve only used mine to do three things: hook one end over a bathroom stall to do pull ups, carry it as a hobo’s bindle stick and impress people on my walk home from work. Nevertheless, I live in a 17-story apartment building (technically 16). Simply knowing I own one puts my mind at ease. Did you ever hear the story of the maintenance guy on 9/11 who hacked his way through a wall using a squeegee? With something as obscenely strong and useful as a Halligan Bar, he’d have been out in seconds.

I keep mine leaning against the wall in the corner, where it waits for the day when I need to smash into or out of something… or I hear screams of “He’s trapped inside!” or “The Zombies are here!”

-- Jackson Nash