As Kelly McKenna fought, and failed, to feel Christ's presence in her life and bring others to her church, she turned to the only aspect of her life that she felt she could control: her weight.

McKenna said she developed anorexia and bulimia in her early 20s in response to the controlling efforts and constant criticism from peers and leaders at Xenos Christian Fellowship.

“I was doing the same thing everybody else was .... (yet) I was blamed for letting Satan into my life and not praying well enough,” said McKenna, who is now 32 and lives on the West Side. "That wreaked havoc on my mental state and forced me to try to control things in other ways — through eating disorders and cutting."

For years, some ex-congregants such as McKenna have raised concerns about the Columbus-based church’s power and what they say is its destructive influence over members.

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Ten former Xenos members and three of their relatives shared their disenchantment with the church with The Dispatch. They accuse the non-denominational evangelical church of spiritual abuse, isolation, control and manipulation.

The former members who talked with The Dispatch said they joined Xenos because of the acceptance and fun they had in the beginning of their involvement with it. But over time, some said they were overcome by strict biblical mandates, stressful time commitments and friendships that seemed to be based only on their membership in the group — not on who they are.

“It totally sucks you away from all other aspects of your life,” McKenna said. “It doesn’t allow you to enjoy your life.”

Leaders of Xenos, which has about 6,000 members in Columbus, reject claims that it attempts to control or pressure its members.

"We're the furthest thing from that," said Conrad Hilario, a teaching pastor at Xenos. "It's due to people's misunderstandings."

Scott Thumma, director of the Hartford Institute for Religion Research at Connecticut’s Hartford Seminary, said Xenos appears to be a "strict sect group" or a small, breakaway group from a larger tradition — in this case, the evangelical Christian movement.

Strict sect groups “often have high boundaries from the outside world, require more obedience from members and hold distinctive beliefs,” Thumma said.

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Xenos was founded in the 1970s by two Ohio State University students, Dennis McCallum and Gary DeLashmutt, who remain leaders today. The two started the church in their campus house after they began to feel called to teach others about the Bible, said Keegan Hale, the pastoral support division coordinator for Xenos. Today, the church remains focused in Columbus, he said.

It has grown and now is made up largely of unmarried adults who are college age or older, Hale said. He credited its growth, which surged in the 1980s and 1990s and again this past decade, to large influxes of high school and college students.

The church is modeled on the book of Acts, which states that Jesus’ apostles met daily in their homes, which is largely where Xenos operates, Hilario said. High school students and adults meet in neighborhood homes, and college students and other unmarried young adults meet and live in “ministry houses" that they’re encouraged to rent in groups near the Ohio State campus. Once there, they have to abide by a set of guidelines spelled out in a ministry house agreement available on Xenos’ website.

The church’s principles are based on a “common-sense” reading of the Bible, with a focus on certain “one another” passages that speak to relationships and community, Hilario said. For example, some of the verses say to "be devoted to one another" (Romans 12:10), "serve one another" (Galatians 5:13) and "carry one another's burdens" (Galatians 6:2), he said.

"These commands kind of form a basis for the level of community we're trying to call people to," Hilario said.

Luke Gourley, 31, of Clintonville, is a member and was introduced to Xenos by his now wife. At first, he was skeptical, but what really drew him in were the clear biblical messages and the genuineness of the other members, he said.

People were “pretty vulnerable and open about their own lives, which was pretty atypical,” said Gourley, who joined Xenos in 2013. “People at other churches were more putting on a front.”

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The church bucks the notion of “Sunday-only” services, Hale said.

Members are encouraged each week to attend a large group teaching (central teaching); a Bible study of about 60 people (home church meeting); a smaller same-sex Bible study (cell group meeting); and a meeting with a spiritual mentor called a “discipler," he said.

The number and intensity of the meetings can be beyond overwhelming, the former members told The Dispatch.

Though meetings aren't required, if members live in a ministry house, the church makes it clear that attending them is important because of biblical examples, Hale said.

In addition to meetings, Xenos’ website and study center, at its headquarters on the Northeast Side, promote books written by elders, which former members say they were encouraged to read with their disciplers.

To move up in the church, members must attend more than 200 hours of leadership training classes, which include graded exams and homework and cost between $25 and $75, Hale said.

McKenna lived in ministry houses from 2005-09 and missed several family reunions and other events because of her involvement with Xenos, said Barbara Moum, Kelly’s mother. Even when McKenna was with relatives, she talked only about Xenos and spent a lot of time trying to persuade them to join the church, Moum said.

When her sister tried to persuade her to leave the group, Kelly McKenna said she thought it was a test of her commitment to God. She said the church characterizes those not involved in Xenos as non-believers who harm members’ journeys with God.

Xenos’ encouragement to live in ministry houses and attend several meetings a week "creates more of a potential for controlling the environment," said Steven Hassan, a mind-control expert and mental-health professional in Massachusetts.

Jake Leppert, 25, and a member, doesn’t see it that way.

“I think there are a lot of meetings,” said Leppert, who lives in one of Xenos’ ministry houses near Ohio State’s campus. “I go to them because I want to. People have a choice to go to them or not.”

Leppert said he's read posts online about bad experiences with the church and wants to hear both sides.

“Some things people said happened don’t sound good ... if these things are true, I’d like them out of our church,” he said.

In addition to grueling meeting schedules, some former members complained about the church's use of what it calls "accountability software" to monitor their internet usage.

“It’s insane; you’re an adult,” Alex Craig, 20, of the University District, said of the software program.

She said it has been used to monitor or block sites that aren't Christian or are critical of the church.

Hale said the software program is optional and only used to make sure that those living in the ministry houses aren't looking at pornography. It can be used to block certain sites, he acknowledged, but said those features have to be turned on by the person with the device.

"The goal of behavior control is dependence and obedience," said Hassan, who was a college junior in the mid-1970s when he was recruited into the Unification Church, the so-called Moonies.

"You want access to followers ... you don't want them exposed to things you can't control,” he said. “You want to keep them very busy with your own projects."

Delia Grantham, 18, of Bexley, was a member of Xenos for two years during high school.

She left the church because she said leaders of her high school group told the then-16-year-old that she couldn't be with her Jewish boyfriend forever: He was going to hell and she was going to heaven. Her salvation also was questioned, she said, when she admitted she'd been depressed after a friend, a fellow Xenos member, died by suicide.

"They were telling me even the thought of wanting to kill yourself is this big sin and you can't go to heaven now," she said, speaking of her own dark thoughts.

Some of Xenos’ practices and theological beliefs are not uncommon among some conservative Christian churches, said Thumma, of the Hartford Institute. But it seems to lean toward the extreme.

“Generally, the Christian God is about grace and forgiveness, and anyone that stresses otherwise is using their interpretation to try to control and manipulate other people,” he said.

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Some former members say they were slowly isolated and became estranged from their friends and relatives who weren’t involved or didn’t support their involvement in the church.

Tricia Jones, 40, of Worthington, was involved from 1993 to ‘98, and she said she was persuaded by her Xenos peers to cut off all of the people in her life who were “not really Christians,” including her parents.

Jones’ father thought the distance he felt growing between him and his then-teenage daughter was normal. Now, he said, he realizes how different she became under the church’s influence.

“She was not as independent and not as self-confident as she used to be," said John Jones, of Worthington. "Her self-image seemed to change.”

When she was excommunicated after five years in the church, Tricia Jones said that all of the people she considered her close friends stopped talking to her.

"I thought I was in an environment where people were practicing the love of God, which I was taught was unconditional but, in fact, it's completely conditional," she said.

Hale said Xenos encourages people to spend time with their family, and that it excommunicates people, but only rarely and after several hearings and approval from leaders.

"What happens more often than not is … someone doesn't want to follow God," Hale said.

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Criticism of Xenos has been going on for years.

In 2009, a woman from the northeastern Ohio city of Stow stood outside a Bible study at a Kent church and told passersby that Xenos had brainwashed her son and taken him from her. She also started an online blog and took allegations to various city, county, police and school officials.

There are online forums, one dating back to 2012, criticizing Xenos.

The amount of online criticism of Xenos is significant, said Rick Alan Ross, executive director of the Cult Education Institute in New Jersey.

"When you have a lot of former members who say the same kind of thing about why they left and what was wrong ... you have to say, 'Hmmm, what's going on here?'" Ross said, adding that many older, larger movements have not received the same kind of negative attention.

Xenos hasn’t changed its policies or practices due to online complaints, Hilario said. However, it is willing and would even like to investigate allegations if people reach out to the church, he said.

"We're very dedicated to keeping people accountable,” Hale said.

Former member Emily Fravel, 41, of Linden, was in the group from 2001 to ‘09, and she said she was cut off from Xenos after her departure. As a member, she said she had been told not to talk to people who left — or believe anything they said — because they were bitter, angry and never really committed to God.

This kind of behavior implies that Xenos believes there’s no legitimate reason to leave the church, which is concerning and “not typical of Protestant churches,” Ross said.

Ross has received complaints about the level of commitment "demanded by the group and its leadership.” He said people describe it as a “rigid, intolerant-of-criticism, top-down organization where people felt like they had no voice.”

Scared to leave the group, McKenna said she snuck out at night during a meeting to avoid other members trying to persuade her to stay.

She left a note for her roommates saying she wasn’t happy and needed to leave, and she never went back. Now, she realizes she never felt a connection to God like she thought she did, like members made her believe she should.

“I’d been convincing myself for years and lying to people and lying to myself, and I just reached a point where I couldn’t do it anymore,” she said.

dking@dispatch.com

@DanaeKing