ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Commodore of the Betoota Sailing Club has revealed to friends this afternoon that he’s not sure what’s wrong with Australian rugby union, but it might have something to do with the ‘grassroots’ level.

From the gunnel of his jibing 34ft ketch, Vred Lesbisk, Commodore Walter Crowlow explained how he felt there was something awry with the game of rugby union, but he just couldn’t put his finger on it.

“Perhaps the boarding schools need better rugby programmes to steer boys clear of the common games such as VFL or soccer?” Crowlow queried to his crew.

“On the other hand, you have the New Zealanders sending scouts out into the wilds of the Pacific Islands to source talent at the bushel. These schools should be doing the same – and the ARU should be paying for it.”

However, his long time sailing companion Ernest Enid-Blyton commented as he clutched the mainsail sheet, saying perhaps code-jumpers like Benji Marshall and Matt Rodgers have cheapened the gold jersey enough to the point where it means nothing to your average run-of-the-mill private schoolboy.

But there’s one thing that the whole vessel could agree on, the problem starts at the bottom – not the top.

“I think Bill Pulver did an excellent job captaining the ARU ship,” said Crowlow.

“He was a fine Shore boy that had his head screwed on the right way and some good connections. You can be a good farmer but have bad cattle. That’s the case with the ARU. We should put all the bad cattle down in Melbourne at the Rebels, then cull them all like 10-year-old spay cows.”

More to come.