As a black woman/girl I’m suppose to be happy, proud, and do me as some say. Problem is thats hard and I suffer a lot due to ill treatment thanks to my size.

1) Anytime I get a job or task by a manager it has always been me who get the harder labor (even the guys wouldn’t have to do what I do!) I recently got a new job and was placed on lifting heavy humans with machines….not given the same work as smaller women who help people who can do most for themselves. I have struggled with lifting people and/or large heavy ojects until I cave into tears because sometimes it’s near impossible. Even during orientation once a girl said I should get this work since I’m bigger as in being fat somehow means I’m muscle bound when I have the same strength as the thin women I work with….but bills exist what can I do?

2) Being a fat black woman many assume I enjoy church, can sing, and have several kids somewhere. I even had a biracial guy try to come in my place to see if I was telling the truth. Yes he was left outdoors by himself. He was part of some charity that helped others in need. I hate church and won’t go, I can’t sing, and no kids.

3) A roommate told me I should date this African man. And how he likes women who are not fast such as myself. I told her I’m not interested and want to find someone for myself and to be honest not into African men. One day she told me the same African man she was going to have sex with had a large penis that was so huge she told him to get the F out her house! She then says because of my size I could handle it!!! I wouldn’t date a guy with a huge anything! As in being fat you can handle it.

4) When I’m craving a green goddess smoothie, or a tex mex salad, or anything you would consider healthy (which you can gain weight from a calorie is a calorie) people tell me not to starve myself, that gimmicks don’t work, and why I’m I forcing myself to drink that nasty green looking drink? As if I eat ONLY fast foods, and sweets and what not ONLY. Like larger people don’t crave a smoothie or salad sometimes…were human too :/

5) My other ex roommate (yes I no longer do the roommie thing) from Africa (not mentioning location for privacy reasons). Ask me why don’t we chip in for pizza? I said sure why not! Well two min later as he was about to dial he called me fat for no reason! I told him to cancel the order and didn’t speak to him for three weeks.

6) Two years ago thanks to purging, eating only 200 calories or less a day aka a bag of veggies and strave myself the full day and yes I suffered. I exercised by walking four hours a day and on weekends would eat 1500-2000 calories and in a month in a half I went from 300 to 249 pounds. I worked for a upscale retail at the time and it was a shock someone saw me and not my weight and hired me. Well co workers who never say good morning told me good morning. If I say good morning I could count on it being returned, guys who thought I liked them and stayed away from me in fear of a fat girl liking them now wanted to talk to me, and I felt more human and accepted, guys of all races saw me as a possible love interest from white to asian. Even a medical student saw me as promising, but I felt they were waiting for me to lose MORE before asking me out. The size zero girl who didn’t mind me befriending her boyfriend at work felt threaten and I was no longer to be alone with him aka working on a project together. People even started helping me with heavier tasks saying were a team…sad.

7) Because of my weight guys think I’m easy and don’t have requirements to get with me. From the 50 plus, toothless, on drugs guy. To the homeless and threaten me with rape guy, to the stalkers (which my boss didn’t believe…i mean a fat girl with a stalker?) one was arrested, guys have told me they like larger women because thin women just want to shop when a fat girl they can feed us and have sex. I shock each and every guy as I walk away. The most painful one was a guy offering me mc donalds for sex. One guy admitted that his last girlfriend was nealy 400 pounds and was a cheap date just buffets and home. No roses, and fat girls don’t like shopping :(

8) It goes cross race. Like I noticed a couple of the men in my family get larger white and black women and brag how they get stuff, and bills get paid, and they don’t have to do anything. As in if your fat you have to pay for love or fake love at least.

I can go on and on and on and on. Being fat is not a sin, enjoying my food is far from evil, needing larger clothes isn’t the end of the world. I just can’t handle the treatment. I mean I have been passed up for jobs that require no skills yet I come with skills and look around and see all these thin women….I always get passed up unless their desperate to hire, guys complain to me wishing for this ideal girlfriend when I fit the mold yet I’m passed up for their next stripper or bartender girl who ends up leaving for another guy, people think I can handle heavy labor like one of the guys I feel my gender is thrown out and treated like a man sometimes, seeing that there are guys who are decent, smart, kind deep down want you, but fear what others think and pass you.

I can’t take it anymore. I will always support this site and others who want to be treated equally. So from yesterday and until I fit societies wishes of a low single digit size I will/have been back to my old ways to get thin. I want to be treated like a human, cherished, and wanted. What ever it takes for me.