You know baseball season is close when your favorite team announces their schedule of promotions and giveaways. And, because you're a Giants fan, you lucky soul, you know you're getting one of the more creative promotional schedules in baseball. It's time to take a look at the stuff that will go for way too much money on eBay. Here's your 2016 Giants promotional schedule:

Date Promotion Thu, April 7 Opening Day Calendar presented by AT&T Fri, April 8 Opening Night Fireworks Sat, April 9 Beat LA Flag presented by Coca-Cola Sun, April 10 Madison Bumgarner Cap Fri, April 22 Two Flaps Down Cap Sat, April 23 Matt Duffy Bobblehead Sun, April 24 Joe Panik Backpack Sat, May 7 Brandon Crawford Bobblehead Sun, May 8 Mother’s Day Quilted Tote Bag Sat, May 21 MLB Playball Weekend Sun, May 22 Buster Posey Kids Hamper Fri, June 10 Orange Rally Rags Sat, June 11 1986 Giants Team Reunion Sun, June 12 Vintage Grey Cap Fri, June 24 Fireworks Night Sat, June 25 Madison Bumgarner Bobblehead Sun, June 26 Giants LED Watch Sat, July 9 Giants Player T-Shirt (Cueto or Samardzija) Sun, July 10 Hello Kitty Day Wed, July 27 Giants Slumber Party Sat, July 30 Buster Hugs Mug Sun, July 31 Bruce Bochy Gnome Sat, August 13 Gaylord Perry Statue Replica Sun, August 14 Hunter Pence Solar Bobblebody Sat, August 20 Virgin America 2-for-1 Flight Voucher Sun, August 21 Reusable Grocery Tote Sat, August 27 Sergio Romo Portable Speakers Sun, August 28 Mike Krukow Bobblehead (20-win season) Sat, Sept. 17 Fiesta Gigantes Fri, Sept. 30 Willie Mac Award Sat, Oct. 1 STAR WARS Day T-shirt Sun, Oct. 2 Fan Appreciation Day

Oh, we have thoughts.

Thought #1: Good lord, I don't want to know what a Hunter Pence Solar Bobblebody is. That is a word salad with curdled dressing, and there's almost no way that giveaway won't be completely horrifying. I'm sure I'll want six.

Thought #2: The Bruce Bochy Gnome also sounds terrifying. Didn't we learn our lesson with the Tim Lincegnome?

GAH. Gnomes are a horrible trend. Stop the gnome trend. I'm sure I'll want only five of these.

Thought #3: The Madison Bumgarner bobblehead is of him swinging a danged bat.

A silver bat, mind you. This is instantly a top-five bobblehead. The bobbleheads will be for the first 40,000 fans, which is a generous allotment that not every team hands out.

Thought #4: I don't think any of us were expecting the Matt Duffy bobblehead at this time last year. We were too busy thinking about the Yusmeiro Petit and Travis Ishikawa bobbleheads that we weren't expecting the year before that.

Thought #5: Sergio Romo portable speakers doesn't make a lot of sense as a concept, but it sure puts the "fun" in functional, and I would like to have these speakers. Maybe they're in the shape of his head.

Thought #6: The Brandon Crawford bobblehead is two designs: One of him as a Gold Glover, and one of him as a Silver Slugger. That seems cruel and unfair to us completionists, here.

Thought #7: The MLB Network is sponsoring a reusable grocery tote for the second straight year. This will help you get your groceries from the store into your home.

Thought #8: The Buster Hugs mug sounds pretty adorable. I hope they at least give one to the dude who coined the phrase.

Thought #9: Gaylord Perry is getting a statue, and they're giving away a little Gaylord Perry statue to honor him. This is all an excellent idea.

Thought #10: No, seriously, what is a Hunter Pence Solar Bobblebody, cut it out, you guys, stop that, no, no, no.

There's more than just the giveaways and promotions. There are the special events, too, listed below:

Date Event Name Giveaway Item 18-Apr Stanford Night Stanford Giants Hat 18-Apr Bay Area Unite Warriors-themed Giants Hat 19-Apr UC Berkeley Night Cal Giants Hat 20-Apr San Francisco State Night San Francisco St. Giants Hat 22-Apr San Jose St. Night San Jose St. Giants Hat 22-Apr Golf Night Julie Inkster Bobblehead 23-Apr Brewfest Complimentary Beer Tastes 25-Apr St. Mary's College Night St. Mary's Giants Hat 25-Apr Irish Heritage Night 1 Irish Giants T-Shirt 26-Apr Chinese Heritage Night Year of the Monkey Figurine 5-May Cinco de Mayo Lou Seal "Cinco de Mayo edition" Bobblehead 6-May Metallica Night "Scary Guy" collectible statue 7-May MARVEL Superheroes Day Bobblehead 9-May University of San Francisco Night USF Giants Hat 9-May Korean Heritage Night Korean Giants Drawstring Backpack 10-May Japanese Heritage Night Giants Cherry Blossom T-Shirt 20-May Orange Friday Happy Hour 1

23-May Until There's A Cure

23-May Filipino Heritage Night 1 Filipino Giants snapback hat 24-May Bruce Lee Tribute Bruce Lee Giants T-shirt 10-Jun Orange Friday Happy Hour 2

13-Jun Portuguese Heritage Portuguese Giants blanket 14-Jun Autism Awareness Night Long-sleeved Will Clark t-shirt 15-Jun Peanut Allergy Friendly Night

24-Jun LGBT Night Giants rainbow trucker hat 25-Jun Wine Fest 1 Bruce Bochy Bobblestopper 27-Jun Stitch N Pitch

8-Jul Orange Friday Happy Hour 3

10-Jul Hello Kitty Day TBA 25-Jul Firefighter Appreciation Night TBA 25-Jul Peanut Allergy Friendly Night

26-Jul Toki Doki Night "Adios/Romo" Vinyl figure 28-Jul Law Enforcement Appreciation Night Giants Belt Buckle 29-Jul Wine Fest pres. By LoCa Neoprene Giants wine bottle holder 14-Aug Girl Scout Night TBA 15-Aug Irish Heritage Night 2 Irish Giants Hat 16-Aug Native American Heritage Night Giants Scarf 17-Aug Peanut Allergy Friendly Night

18-Aug Jerry Garcia Tribute Jerry Garcia Giants hat 19-Aug Orange Friday Happy Hour 4

20-Aug Fellowship Day TBA 21-Aug Pixar Day TBA 21-Aug Boy Scout Day Commemoritive Giants Patch 26-Aug Bill Graham Tribute Bill Graham Bobblehead 26-Aug Superheroes and Comics Night 2 Bobblehead 28-Aug Gamer Day Mike Krukow sound-chip Bobblehead 30-Aug Jewish Heritage Night Jewish Giants Hat 12-Sep Union Night TBA 12-Sep Runner's Night TBA 12-Sep Step Up to the Plate TBA 13-Sep Filipino Heritage Night 2 TBA 15-Sep Italian Heritage Night TBA 16-Sep Star Trek Day TBA 17-Sep Fiesta Gigantes Tito Fuentes Bobblehead 27-Sep Polynesian Heritage Night Polynesian Giants Canvas Bag 28-Sep Mason's Night TBA (but probably a Roger Mason bobblehead) 28-Sep African American Heritage TBA 29-Sep Santa Clara University Night Santa Clara Giants Hat 29-Sep Oktoberfest TBA 1-Oct Star Wars Day Stormtrooper Bobblehead

The Star Trek day is a nice touch, and I'm looking forward to seeing which Marvel bobblehead they come up with. The Giants really are good to their nerds.

There's your free stuff! All you have to do for your free stuff is buy the not-free tickets, unless you want to spend for the free stuff on eBay, which seems like missing the point. You'll end up spending about as much as you would have on the tickets in the first place.

In conclusion, I hope the person who said, "Wait, maybe the Bumgarner bobblehead should be of him hitting" got a raise.