Patrick Bateman, eat your heart out: Kurt Ballou officially has the best business card of all time.

That’s it. All other business cards can pack it in and go home. Until Bruce Dickinson starts including the location for his Fountain of Youth on his business card or someone creates a business card that can induce an orgasm simply by holding it, Ballou wins. By comparison, all other business cards were never even in the game.

Celebrate Ballou’s business card superiority by checking out tracks from the three bands he produced as part of this year’s Converse Rubber Tracks x MetalSucks. You’ll be glad ya did!

[via Lambgoat]