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“YEAH… yeah, there was definitely something up with that communion” mused Sean Geherty, a devout catholic on his way home after Sunday mass last weekend.

Unable to pinpoint exactly what was wrong with his latest portion of the body of Christ, the Ballycahereen native could only state that it ‘tasted off’, with a strong sweaty-gritty-corny aftertaste that was unpleasant and not up to the usual Godly standard.

After much deliberation, Geherty has concluded that the piece of the body of Christ he received must have come from the butt or butt area, possibly colon, possibly anus itself.

“Seems my holy communion was hole-ier than usual,” said Geherty, rinsing his mouth out for the dozenth time.

“Look, I know there’s only so much of the man himself to go around every Sunday, but could they not employ some sort of quality control? I’m not asking for prime rib sirloin Christ, but surely they can do without distributing sub-quality eucharists? We’re paying customers over here, don’t just go serving us the taint of Christ”.

In a carefully written letter from heaven, the Lord stated that while care is taken when dividing up the body of Christ to ensure the highest possible standard of blessed sacrament, in times of high demand everything is included; eyes, offal, arse, the lot.

“Excuse us for trying to save your eternal soul from the fires of hell,” read the curtly written letter.

“But we don’t think a bit of sphincter every once in a while will do anyone any harm. If anything, it helps your immune system digest the good Christ the following week”.