Jacob Wohl, who has somehow managed to avoid prison, isn’t about to sit idly by and watch his sterling reputation take yet another hit. That’s why he’s announced a joint press conference with his esteemed colleague Jack Burkman to clear up any misconceptions following getting busted for trying to take down Democratic POTUS hopeful Pete Buttigieg with a fake sexual assault accusation:

Jacob Wohl plans to hold a press conference on his Pete Buttigieg sexual assault smear on Wednesday pic.twitter.com/BS2R38PFBr — Will Sommer (@willsommer) May 6, 2019

So much to unpack.

who quotes themselves like this? pic.twitter.com/xq4GXeapDY — Don Moynihan (@donmoyn) May 6, 2019

Confusingly, the Wohl/Burkman ultimatum deadline — Friday, May 7th, 2019 — is a day that doesn’t exist. — Will Sommer (@willsommer) May 6, 2019

Love their new wild west lingo. MEET US AT HIGH NOON FOR A SHOOTOUT, PARTNER. pic.twitter.com/h2qlIiVhyh — Kendally Brown (@kendallybrown) May 6, 2019

"We'll give our friends at The Daily Beast until high-noon on Friday, May 7th" 1. "high-noon" lmao 2. May 7 is tomorrow, a Tuesday? https://t.co/75lMevUOzA — Lachlan Markay (@lachlan) May 6, 2019

Well, when you play eleventy-dimensional chess like Jacob Wohl does, time just becomes meaningless.

Oh boy — Robert Evans (The Other Robert Evans) (@IwriteOK) May 6, 2019

"the next stage of the saga" is exactly how i would advertise something deadly serious and not something that was a scam — Séamus Malekafzali (@Seamus_Malek) May 6, 2019

Get excited, everybody.

For the life of me, I can't understand why anyone would go. — JJ MacNab (@jjmacnab) May 6, 2019

Neither can we. But people will go.

And 50 reporters will show up to cover it. https://t.co/sBSudRiSsx — Stephen Miller (@redsteeze) May 6, 2019

Oh, probably. Honestly, the only thing that would make this press conference worth watching or covering is if Wohl and Burkman finally got what’s been coming to them for so long.

Buttigieg should have a lawyer attend and in the middle of the press conference walk up to Wohl and serve him papers on a libel lawsuit. — Colt Smith (@FootballExpert) May 6, 2019

Hopefully Burkman will remember to zip up his fly this time. It’s important to maintain an air of professionalism.