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Q: Why did the tofu cross the road?

A: To prove he wasn't chicken.



Q: What did one vegetarian say to the other vegetarian?

A: We have to stop meating like this.



Q: Why do people kill animals?

A: Fur convenience steak.



If two vegans are arguing, is it still called Beef?



Q: Did you hear about the vegan devil worshipper?

A: He sold his soul to seitan!



Q: How many vegetarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: I don't know, but where do you get your protein!?



Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: Because Colonel Sanders was chasing him.



Q: Why did the vegetarian cross the road?

A: Because she was protesting for the chicken, MAN!



Q: What do you call a vegan guy who likes to pleasure himself?

A: A non-dairy creamer



Q: What do you call a dumb omnivore?

A: A meathead!



Q: What do yo call a vegan post-punk band?

A: Soy Division.



Q: What do you call a fascist vegan?

A: Lactose intolerant.



Q: What is the Native American word for vegetarian?

A: Poor hunter!



Q: What does a vegan zombie eat?

A: GRAAAAINNNS!!



Q: Why do vegans give good head?

A: Because they are used to eating nuts.



Q: Why are all lesbians vegetarian?

A: Because they don't eat meat.



Q: Did you hear about the vegan Zombie?

A: He went to the insane asylum and only ate the vegetables!



Q: Why does vegan cheese taste bad?

A: It hasn't been tested on mice.



Q: What do you call a vegetarian who goes back to eating meat?

A: Someone who lost their veg-inity!



Q: What kind of crackers do vegans refuse to eat?

A: Animal crackers



Q: What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea?

A: A Salad Shooter



Q: Why does the vegan never get any play?

A: Because he has really bad gas.



Can I tell you a vegan joke? I promise it won’t be cheesy.



If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?



Q: Why did the tomato blush?

A: Because he saw the salad, dressing.



Q: What did the lettuce say to the celery?

A: Are you stalking me?



Q: How do you know if someone is Vegan?

A: Don’t worry, they’ll tell you within the first 2 minutes of meeting them.



Q: What do Tofu And Dildos Have In Common?

A: They're Both Meat Substitutes!



Q: Why are vegans detrimental to the earth?

A: Because they produce immense amounts of methane.



Q: How many carnivores does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. They prefer to stay in the dark!



Q: What's the best way to keep milk fresh?

A: Leave it in the cow!



Q: What does a cannibal do after he eats a vegetable?

A: He throws away the wheelchair!



Q: What is a carnivores favorite bumper sticker?

A: "I love animals. They taste so good."



I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian!



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