Paul Dacre retires from Daily Mail to spend more time on his racism

The editor of the Daily Mail has signalled the end of an era after he announced he was going to leave the world of tabloid editing and devote himself fully to his first love; racial hatred.

Speaking at a lavish dinner in front of cowed politicians, Mr Dacre explained that, contrary to popular beliefs, being the Daily Mail editor did not offer much opportunity for racial prejudice.

“People just assume we roll into the office and write a piece claiming that Romanians steal babies or that every mosque is a hotbed of terrorism. Of course, we always ensure that some minority group is demonized in each edition but there’s so much more to it than that.

“Making elected officials dance to our tune, stalking z-listers on holiday, making fetishistic weapons fact sheets whenever the SAS do something and helping Richard Littlejohn bury dead rent boys. It makes for a busy day, I can tell you. ”

Mr Dacre told the crowd that he wished to retire to his massive EU subsidized estate and enjoy the quiet life of the countryside racist.

He went on, “No more London politics for me. I just want the simple pleasures in life. Pushing dog shit through the letterbox of a Polish couple. Calling the police each time I see a black person in my neighbourhood. Attending UKIP meetings. That sort of thing.”

Daily Mail Group issued a statement wishing Mr Dacre a happy retirement and assuring the public that their favourite tabloid would continue to poison British political discourse for the foreseeable future.

I think, therefore I am (not a Daily Mail reader) – get the t-shirt!