Ajahn Jayasaro, a respected monk in the Ajahn Chah tradition, has an article in the current issue of Buddhadharma (a quarterly journal) on the subject of letting go. He describes the difference between attachment and clinging, talks about the relationship between pleasant and unpleasant feeling, and encourages us to regularly set our sights on recognizing these states and letting go of the unwholesome ones.

Letting go may sound like a distant, “too hard” objective, but in fact it’s quite ordinary. We can only let go in the present; we can only let go of a specific instance of clinging. We can set our intention on releasing clinging in general, but the actual practice only takes place when we want something and then decide that we’ll forgo it. Or we might feel that we can’t stand [whatever it is] for another second and then see that we can stand it and that it doesn’t have to be a big deal. It’s not a thought exercise or a theoretical belief; it’s work that’s sometimes difficult and always beneficial.

Letting go is the opposite of not caring. It’s seeing clearly that causes and conditions drive everyone’s behavior, including our own.

(From Ajahn Jayasaro) Why do you consider certain people’s behavior to be so offensive? Usually it’s because you have an idea that they shouldn’t be like that. So when the mind dwells on “should” or “shouldn’t”, you’re setting yourself up for suffering. Why shouldn’t people be selfish? Why shouldn’t they be aggressive? Why shouldn’t they do all the terrible things they do? Why not? If their minds are like that, if they look at things like that, have that kind of view, those kinds of values, why not? Such behavior is then perfectly natural. When the causes and conditions are like that, the conduct will be like that. The more you can see things in terms of causes and conditions, the more you can let go. If somebody speaks very harshly, you see it stems from their way of looking at things. Perhaps they’ve developed that kind of habit; perhaps they’ve always spoken like that. The more you can see the conditions underlying the behavior, the more you can let go.

If we wish we were different from how we are now, we can pursue that goal by setting our intention on seeing clearly what is present and learning from the reality we encounter. Then, by gradually letting go of our unwholesome (clinging-driven) actions and reactions, we do become different – lighter, freer, and more at ease.

An essential ingredient for letting go is patience, khanti in Pali. Ajahn Jayasaro says: “…true patience, khanti, is one in which there is no sense of time. If you’re gritting your teeth, thinking, ‘How many more minutes?’ or ‘When is this going to be over?’ then that’s not really khanti. With khanti there isn’t that sense of time. …”

So we apply mindfulness, patiently and honestly investigating causes and conditions, until we can accept the reality in front of us without taking it personally.