Each week, Victoria Hannaford answers questions put forth by the general public. Be it questions about love, work, or whether or not you should march up to your boss and burst in to tears because you want holidays (you shouldn’t), Victoria is here to help. So get to it, and Ask Victoria.

Dear Victoria

While organising the rosters at work in the lead up to Christmas, my bosses have asked if I — given I am not married and do not have children — can take on some of the late shifts and public holidays so my co-workers “with young families” can take on the more family-friendly shifts. This happens every year, not only at Christmas but at Easter and other major holidays. Am I wrong to think I am being ripped off? Just because I don’t have kids or a spouse doesn’t mean I don’t have friends and family I would like to spend time with over the holidays. It makes me feel like a second-class citizen in my workplace at this time of year.

Love,

Single and Unable to Mingle

Hi Single and Unable to Mingle.

Look I get it; this time of year can be a very mixed bag. But I’m also just going to get the most pertinent cliche out of the way first thing: the grass is always greener — I’ll come back to this.

The workplace can seem like a bit of a battlefield at times — we spend a lot of time among colleagues and sometimes personal politics can take over, but there are a lot of pervasive myths of the workplace. Chief among them, in my mind at least, is the fact that Carrie Bradshaw got away with writing one column a week and was still be able furnish her wardrobe with couture and a surplus of Manolo heels. If that’s journalism, sign me up! Oh, hang on a minute …

Anyway, a lot of notions that get slung around concern parents at work; the second a woman gets pregnant, she will forever be an unreliable employee with only half a mind on the job. She’ll be running from her desk at a second’s notice as she works her way through a list of offences: morning sickness, doctor’s appointments, prenatal yogalates and then when the sproglet arrives, shooting out the door as soon as the whistle blows.

The truth behind the myths is always more complicated, and what’s more, flaky workmates come in many guises — the deciding factor is rarely the fact they’re a parent. For what it’s worth, the mothers I’m around are incredibly dedicated to their work, because they never want to entertain the accusation they’re fulfilling a negative stereotype. These women (because let’s face it, no one accuses young fathers of having baby brain, despite them also experiencing the sleep deprivation that follows the birth of a child) are getting in early, and working in an incredibly focused way to get their work done in the allocated hours, because they don’t have the time to waste.

In other words, they’re being time efficient.

They’re getting the job done.

It’s a delicious stroke of irony that one of Sarah Jessica Parker’s post Sex And The City roles was as a harried mother in the film I Don’t Know How She Does It. Her character speaks of “the list” of tasks that are always running through her head as she churns through the daily responsibilities of being both a high achieving parent and worker.

So, Single and Unable to Mingle, it might seem like you’re missing out because you don’t get to take holidays over Christmas and New Year, but the parents aren’t always in an enviable position. Is this really where workplace battle lines should be drawn?

Plus, there’s always something you can do about your work roster — but you need to speak up.

I’ve worked in many an industry that doesn’t shut down over the silly season. In fact for some — such as hospitality — it was when we were most busy. So we could forget demanding time off — we all had to negotiate, young family or not, when we could take time off. It would end up rotating over the years.

And then in other situations, such as when I worked in radio, I got offered shifts I would have otherwise never had access to. Sure, it was annoying working New Year’s Day, but it was an opportunity too. You too could see this time as a means to demonstrate your skills to bosses by stepping up to more responsible roles when everyone else is on leave.

And finally, taking January off is not all it’s cracked up to be. Do you really want to battle school holiday crowds at every turn? At best it can will on feelings of existential defeat.

No one wants to feel overlooked or unappreciated at work, but don’t play the victim either. The reason these parents are getting time off is because they’ve advocated on their own behalf. Your priorities are equally important, but have you made that known? No one will be aware you’re unhappy with the situation unless you tell them.

You might think the young families are getting the better deal, but you’re single, free and on your own timetable — celebrate that.

Love, Victoria

Send your questions via email to: victoria.hannaford@news.com.au. You can also get in touch via twitter: @_ask_victoria

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