No, it wasn't LSD that made a Miami man eat another man's face off on Memorial Day. Signs are pointing to "bath salts," a friendly name for a horrific drug that turns people into raving violent monsters. It's shipping online.


Although Reuters reports "at least 38 states have enacted bath-salt bans, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures," and the DEA considers sale or possession of the main ingredients in most bath salts to be a federal offense, the amphetamine cocktail is still commonplace across the country. You can find it sold at gas stations and conveniences stores under stupid-obvious euphemisms like "metal cleaner," "plant food," and "incense." Smacking a "not for human consumption" warning on what is clearly a drug has managed to keep bath salts flowing into the bloodstreams of aspiring zombies—but there's a much easier way to get your psychotic fix. Just buy the stuff online!


For reference, this is what bath salts will do when that human consumption warning goes unheeded, as is intended. Looks like a blast!

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Terrifyingly, through sites like the surely-legitimate k2incenseonline.com, you can snap up 500 mg of "99 MPH" bath salts for just $27, or another half a gram of "Snowman" novelty powder (!) for $25. Just follow them on Twitter! The only legal warning?

IMPORTANT: Due to legal restrictions this product cannot be shipped to the following states:

AR, CO, DE, FL, ID, IA, IL, IN, KS, LA, MI, MS, MN, ME, NC, NY, ND, OR, PA, SC, SD, TX, VA, WV


User reviews are glowing!

We got this a few weeks ago and my girl and I love this one....it hits like the old eight ball actually.....will be getting it again....


No word whether he and his girl chewed on their own intestines. But this stuff is just for users—what if you want to deal, or create your own cannibal army? You can pull that off with the web too. Just check out this dealer on TradeKey.com, pushing giant boxes of "Mojo Diamond Botanical Incense"—$1,700 for three grams a pop, neatly packaged. The supplier, a Mr. Harold Bourgeois, provides a phone number and Pasadena, California PO box. He claims a supply of 100,000 boxes, but our calls to Mr. Bourgeois went unanswered.


In the meantime, it's easy to snap up bottles of 99 MPH and Snowman like you'd buy deodorant on Amazon. Only your deodorant probably won't trigger a psychotic episode that ends with a guy's face in your stomach and bullets in your body.

Hey, by the way, don't purchase any of this, ever. Many of the primary ingredients are a violation of federal law to possess, and will ruin your life even if you don't get high off them. Thanks!


Update: k2incenseonline.com appears to have been taken down.