CHICAGO—Noting that the gregarious bastard got pretty shy real damn quick once his little playmate disappeared, public transit sources confirmed Monday that a certain talkative motherfucker isn’t so extroverted now that his buddy has gotten off the train. “Well, well, well. Seems Mr. Conversation ain’t such a silver-tongued devil without his usual audience,” said the sources, who couldn’t help but notice that the CTA Blue Line’s resident Jay Gatsby seemed to have stopped holding court at the precise moment that his precious companion took his leave at the Division stop. “What’s the matter, Chatty Cathy? Didn’t you save a bon mot or two for the rest of the train? Just a moment ago, you were living it up while everybody else sat quietly, listening to podcasts. But guess what—now that your buddy left, you’re just like the rest of us. Well? How’s that feel, motherfucker?” Witnesses on the scene confirmed the suddenly timid commuter was observed slinking off the train at the next stop without so much as a wave goodbye.

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