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“I’ll drop by next week with a casserole.”

Although “Let me know if you need anything,” seems like a helpful phrase, in reality, it places the onus on the bereaved person to find something for you do (plus, this story will prove why you should stop saying “let me know if you need anything”). Instead, pick a task and just tell them you’re going to do it. “Sometimes the smallest things mean the most,” says Joan E. Markwell, author of Softening the Grief, who lost her own daughter to cancer. Coming by to do laundry or other housework, stopping at the store to pick up groceries, or performing other mundane tasks that the bereaved person might not feel up to can help relieve some of their day-to-day burdens. Instead of figuring out what to say to someone who lost a loved one, figure out what to do for them.