Morgan Freeman is well-known as a pretty good actor, but he’s probably best known for his rich, instantly recognizable voice. The Voice of God. Getting Morgan Freeman to do books on tape is pretty much a given here, but what would happen if Morgan Freeman read low-brow (albeit popular) suburban housewife porn like Fifty Shades of Grey?

We’re glad you asked. And you’re about to find out.

Now we’re pretty sure you walked into this article full of curiosity matched only by your very strong opinions about the runaway best-selling Twilight fan-fiction by author E.L. James. “We all know it’s literary crap,” writes Nokyoung Xayasane at Twirlit. “But wait, if anyone can bring this piece of cow dung to its greatest heights, surely it would be Morgan Freeman.”

Can it be so?

Sadly, we’ll probably never know for sure. Yes, this is the part where we admit that it’s not actually Morgan Freeman of The Dark Knight Rises and Bruce Almighty fame teasing the words of Fifty Shades into literary vibrancy with his soothing baritone voice. Instead, it’s Family Guyvoice actor Josh Robert Thompson, who has done this sort of thing before on the show. Still, it beats the attempt made by Will Ferrell & Zach Galifianakis, right? (In case you didn’t catch it, we’ve embedded that below for you as well).

Of course, the “Morgan Freeman” reading of Fifty Shades of Grey is NSFW, but here it is:

Ferrell & Galifianakis: