PHOTOGRAPH BY EVAN VUCCI / AP

GREENSBORO, N.C. (The Borowitz Report)—Hillary Clinton is “plotting to rig the election by getting more votes than I do,” Donald J. Trump warned his supporters on Friday.

Speaking at a rally, Trump detailed what he called Clinton’s “vast conspiracy” to accrue more votes than he does on Election Day.

“The media won’t tell you this, but Crooked Hillary is going around the country every single day, trying to get more votes than I do,” he said. “That’s how she’s going to rig it, folks.”

He called the current sexual-assault allegations against him “a plot by the Clintons to draw attention away from Hillary’s evil plot to get votes.”

“Is it just a coincidence that these accusations come up at the same time that Crooked Hillary is trying to rig the election by getting votes?” he said. “The way things are going, I would not be surprised at all if, on Election Day, she has many, many more votes than I do.”

“There’s something going on, folks,” he added.

But, in a sign that Trump does not intend to take Clinton’s scheme to get more votes lying down, he ended his remarks with an ominous threat. “If, on Election Day, Hillary Clinton has more votes than I do, I will sue everyone who voted for her,” he said.