Survivor Ghost Island has arrived! Every week, Parade’s Mike Bloom will bring you interviews with the castaway most recently voted off of the island.

“When nothing is certain, anything is possible.”

As Kellyn Bechtold says in her Ponderosa video, that’s a quote she held close to her heart entering the game. It served as a credo and motivator for her thirty-five days in the wilds of Fiji, as her reluctance to trust her competitors had her leaning toward her intuition and oft-mentioned gut. But her gut ended up putting her in a rut, as her palpable paranoia began to distance her from her Naviti allies. After being caught in the minority of two votes in a row, her trademark expressive face was tear-stricken, but smiling, as she accepted her fate as the seventh member of the jury.

Looking back at the first half of the game, it would be surprising to think Kellyn would run into this much trouble in the individual stage. She started the game on the dominant Naviti tribe, firmly on the side of Domenick Abbate in his brewing showdown with Chris Noble. But a tribe swap sent her away from both figureheads, and she wound up in an apparent downgrade of camp on Malolo, but an upgrade in having a clear five-person majority. Kellyn and her closest ally, Bradley Kleihege, preached purple to other Naviti transfers Desiree Afuye, Chelsea Townsend and Sebastian Noel. Despite being on different sides originally, Kellyn chose to play it conservatively, systematically voting out Malolos and even being the only person to deny playing a game and risking her vote out on Ghost Island. When another swap put her on the same beach with the numbers, albeit in a smaller configuration, she decided the Survivor gods were telling her something when she got exiled once more and decided to roll the dice this time. The person who once called her new tribe members “treasure boxes of love” received her own loot in the form of an Extra Vote, and she hoped she could use this additional piece of paper to write her success in the game.

Despite being so staunchly “Naviti strong,” Kellyn made an effort to build relationships in the game, and when the merge came, she was hoping those bonds would pay off. Indeed, things were as idyllic for her as an afternoon spent eating brownies on a Fijian bluff in the first couple of post-merge votes. After dropping a “boom” on Ghost Island, she proved not to drop the boom in the first individual Immunity Challenge, being the first to wear the all-important necklace. She was also able to get back into the fold with Domenick and Wendell Holland, as they easily dispatched of Chris and Libby Vincek. Kellyn faced her first hiccup when Desiree foresaw her path to victory and went to the former Malolos to change up the game and blindside her. When Laurel Johnson leaked her intentions back to the Navitis, Kellyn refused to believe it initially, aggressively adamant that Michael Yerger was on his ninth life. Despite this, she begrudgingly went with the plan to get rid of one of her closest allies, but was still confident “Naviti strong” would prevail. A new twist in the game had her attending a miniature Tribal Council with Domenick, Wendell, Laurel and Michael. Michael attempted to bluff about a third idol find, and Kellyn’s fear of the power of the “Idol King” began to jolt her paranoia. She felt like she was stuck upside-down in a loop of the Survivor roller coaster, and also had an Extra Vote burning a hole in her pocket (or the front of her pants, considering her giddy initial placement of it). All of this caused her to cast two votes onto Laurel that night, a move that forced a tie, wasted an advantage (so much so that it ended up on Ghost Island again a week later) and fostered a division between her and the other Navitis. She had observed some whispering she was not included on in Tribal Council, and her anxiety of a close Domenick/Wendell connection was only intensified when Sebastian picked the two of them and Donathan to go on a reward together. Her emotional roller coaster plummeted from seeing her brother to being denied an afternoon with him and attempted to organize an alliance with the women and Donathan to strike against the duo finally. Unfortunately, she had not counted on an alliance made while she was away from Naviti, as Laurel and Donathan stuck with their secret foursome to send cheerleader Chelsea tumbling. After losing the next Immunity Challenge, Kellyn, like Wendell at a sliding puzzle, was not ready to call Jeff Probst over to decide her fate just yet. Though Donathan caused some chaos in trying to simultaneously put a wedge between the guys and call them out as threats to the others, the majority decided she was too dangerous to keep around in the final days of the competition.

Now out of the game and on the jury, Kellyn talks with me about her last-minute maneuver at Tribal Council to stay, how she was able to utilize empathy to her advantage and the favorite “Survivor Sunshine” note she received when the game ended.

Let’s talk about the way things ended. As the votes were coming on the re-vote, I saw tears building in your eyes, but you had a massive smile on your face. You knew you were a target going into Tribal Council, but what was going through your head when you saw that you were officially the one to go?

It was such an interesting last day. Whether or not you see them, I had built some pretty strong relationships out there. I had a few people come to me and say, “I love you, and you mean so much to me, but you’ve got to go.” Some people had given me the nod; I had figured it out after Chelsea had gone that I was the next in line. It didn’t keep me from trying to fight tooth and nail. We didn’t see any of it, but I tried to work every angle I could to get people to flip. But during Tribal, I start to realize, “Oh my gosh, I can get this thing to tie up!” I had a conversation in the day earlier with Donathan. He was just emotional and frustrated, and I don’t blame him. I said to him, “You know what? If we leave tonight, let’s vote Dom. Nobody’s put his name down yet. At the very least, on my way out, let’s make him feel what it feels like to see his name come up.” Then, in the middle of Tribal, they just start openly talking about how they’re splitting the votes. And I’m like, “Wait a second. If Donathan sticks with voting for Dom, and instead of me making an emotional vote, I vote for Donathan, I can tie this thing up!” I spent a few hours thinking it was my name, but just like Survivor does, I have a freaking window here! That was fun to get the tie to come up. But as they go to re-vote, Sebastian and Ang looked me in the eyes, and I just knew it was my time. So I had a little glimmer of hope with Donathan’s craziness, but ultimately it ended up where I assumed it was headed.

Did you have any thoughts at that moment about making a last-minute pitch to get everyone to turn on Donathan, who had spent the afternoon and evening causing chaos?

It’s probably one of my biggest regrets of the game. I just sat there; I didn’t say anything. They were all talking to each other behind me. I don’t know if I was trying to preserve myself and was in protection mode or what. I don’t know why I didn’t stand up and say, “Look at this guy! He’s blowing everything up.” I think it’s because when Wendell had come to me earlier in the day and said, “I love you unconditionally, but you’re going home tonight,” and he and Dom were running the show, I didn’t feel like grandstanding against something when I knew it was my time. Maybe I could have made a case; we’ll never know.

I feel like things start falling apart with your game when we get into the separated Tribal Council, when you play your Extra Vote on Laurel, only for Michael to go home. Did you ever feel like you were able to rebuild your trust with Wendell and Domenick after that?

No, I don’t think so. I don’t think Dom ever really trusted me, honestly. Dom and I were enemies with a common plan. He and I were never really jibing, I would say. But I did really feel I could trust Wendell; I wanted to work with [him]. During the Michael Tribal, Wendell gets up and whispers in Laurel’s ear and tells her to vote for me, and she does it. So I’m in the middle of all that, and I’m like, “Wendell is trying to protect himself!” I couldn’t pull the trigger. I stood up there, and I couldn’t pull the trigger on Wendell. I thought about it; I just couldn’t do it. If I have to say there’s a one-million-dollar mistake for me, it’s writing Laurel’s name down and not writing Wendell’s that night. It was over anyway. It was hard for me to send Michael home. It doesn’t look like we were working together, [but] we were really great friends. I don’t think he would have taken me to the end; he says he would have, but I didn’t believe it at the time.

I was never really in 100 percent with Dom, but after that night, I started to work Laurel. We got back from Tribal, and the next day I tell her, “Look, Wendell is trying to date both of us right now! He has the nerve to take us to the same restaurant. He’s whispering in your ear, he’s whispering in my ear. All the waitresses know he’s dating both of us! We cannot sit here and let him do this.” That’s when I tried to go to work on Laurel. It [was] probably dumb since I voted her and she just voted for me. I was willing to trust her and say, “Yeah, girl, I know you voted for me because you’re trying to protect yourself. I was trying to do the same thing. Let’s take what’s happening here. The men are running the show and made us go after each other. Now’s our time to come together.” So between that vote and when I went out, I admit I was really struggling to get my footing under me.

On that note, let’s speak about the alliance you tried to bring together to take Wendell out. If things had gone your way and Laurel and Donathan flip, who would you ideally have liked to go to the end with?

I really wanted Donathan to go, because I couldn’t trust him. He was such a loudmouth; I thought he was the biggest risk in the game at this point. I would have gone with any version of Laurel, Angela, or Chelsea. And I thought I had Sebastian more than I did, but I would have been willing to go with Sebastian as well. We are the heroes of our own stories, so maybe I was delusional. But I thought I could beat anyone other than Dom and Wendell.

Jumping back to the premerge, I know I talked with Bradley about how the two of you led via suggestion on Malolo. You were able to take out a lot of former Malolos easily, but at the same time, you were trying to create relationships that might bear fruit later on. How were you able to negotiate those two parts of the game?

I thought I had Bradley as a shield. So outwardly, I felt I could say, “Oh, these boys, Bradley and Sebastian. We have the numbers, but I’m one of the girls here!” It’s so funny because [of the scene with] Jenna and [Stephanie] Johnson, when they show me at the well saying, “Well, it’s [you].” The front end of that conversation is [me saying], “This sucks. I want to be in a girl power show.” Johnson, Jenna and I are good friends outside the game. I was trying to play behind closed doors the idea of, “Oh, I really have no choice. I have to go with these boys because I’m in the numbers. But wouldn’t it be great if we could do this all-girls thing?” That’s how I was trying to toe the line, obviously not doing it super well. That was my idea, to make individual relationships and apologetically say, “I’m in with the numbers.” But maybe I came across as a little cockier than that. It was really good to be, like Bradley said, in charge!

Yeah, you talked about it on the reward. There isn’t a better feeling! We spoke about this before, but you were an extremely expressive person. That coin comes with two sides, obviously, coming across as candid but also not being able to filter some of your larger emotions. Did you feel that part of you helped or hurt you more?

I think it’s 50/50. I think people felt like they could read me all the time. So when I was lying to people, which I did because I was on the right side of the vote a lot of the time, that gave me the room where they were like, “If she were taking me out, I would know it.” But of course I was an emotional [player], I am an emotional person in my real life. Did I play with my emotion most of the time? Hell yeah, I did. But did I play with my emotions and get to seventh place? Hell yeah, I did. Would I change a million things? Sort of. Would I change nothing? That’s also true. [Laughs]

I’m glad [with my edit]. Women on this show are either a smart bitch or the beautiful, dumb girl. That’s the choice a lot in the edit because of time. I think it’s good to be a complex female character. I think I was strategic. Yeah, I freaking lost it sometimes. I was mad the boys were running the show. I’m a feminist; I don’t want a group of women to just listen to what the men are saying in the group. I own it, and I feel like that’s Kellyn. That’s what you get. Did I lost Survivor because of it? Probably. Did I get to live out my dream and go onto Survivor because of it? Absolutely.

Going into the game, you spoke about how empathy is your superpower. I also saw a secret scene this week where you talked about how out on the island, you made nearly everyone out in the game feel good about themselves. How important do you feel empathy is to be a good Survivor player?

Intuition is more important than empathy! [Laughs] You don’t see a lot of me building relationships, but I built a lot of great friends from this show. Michael and I talk a lot. In Michael’s exit press, they asked him, “To whom did you feel the most guilty lying about your age?” And he said, “Kellyn.” Slitting someone’s throat in the game of Survivor but still feeling an emotional connection, that’s the point. The point is to get to the end and have people still have feelings for you. And it’s real. I love most of the people from this show, and I have dear friends. Building that empathy worked. Did I play hard enough? No. Was I outmatched and outmuscled by a few bigger dogs on the show? Absolutely. Would I still play the empathy card and make people feel good about themselves? I do think I did that.

This idea culminates in you creating this “Survivor Sunshine” concept to have people write kind words to each other once the game is officially over to open up back home. When you opened up your bag once everything was said and done, did any messages stick out to you?

Sebastian’s. We had this moment, thank God it didn’t make TV. I was talking about my life where things had been hard for me. I didn’t even realize he was listening. I was talking with Johnson, having a girl talk bonding about divorce and crying. Sebastian reaches over, taps me on the head and says, “Kellyn, you’ve always been a free bird. Don’t ever be caged like that again.” And in my “Survivor Sunshine” note, he’s a really artistic and lovely person. He had drawn a picture of a bird and said, “Kellyn, I love you and remember you’ll always be a free bird.” He and I never even talked about that moment, but I think he knew that at that moment he changed my life. Then to get home a couple of weeks later and see this beautiful bird drawn out. I adore that kid. Who knew a 30-year-old divorcee from Chicago would become great friends with “Stoney Baloney” Sebastian? That is the true beauty of Survivor.