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There’s an old joke about a German Jew who’s sitting on a tram bench in Berlin in the 1930s, reading the Nazi tabloid Der Stürmer. So they ask him how come he even holds such a piece of filth, and the Jewish guy answers, Look, when I read a Jewish paper, all I get are stories about how the Jews are persecuted, threatened, attacked. But when I read Der Stürmer, I find out the Jews own the banks, the media, the State Dept…

Which is why it was such fun to discover, on the Wednesday morning that Donald Trump became the 45th President Elect of America, that a website called “Who Controls America?” with enlightening articles on how the Jews own absolutely everything (Wall Street, Goldman Sachs, AIG, the Treasury Department, the Federal Reserve System, Big Media, Hollywood, Television, Music, Radio, Advertising, the News, and the American Civil Liberties Union — to name a miniscule few) — also lists “Donald Trump’s Jewish Cabal.”




For some reason, the website insists on dividing the list of Jews into “Sephardic” and “Ashkenazic,” with the meticulousness of a Haredi yeshiva in downtown Jerusalem. The list is unbelievably long, but it’s not offensive at all. In other words, for the sake of this particular list, none of the participants need be corrupt or sinister in any way, the website doesn’t provide smarmy details about their sins, all they’ve done to be included here is be Jewish.

Here are the Jews of the Trump cabal, in order of appearance. Some are very familiar, like his daughter and son-in-law. Others are billionaires who supported Trump’s campaign, and others yet are not so famous:

Michael Abboud (Sephardic Jew) – Communications Coordinator, Donald J. Trump for President

Paul Achleitner (Ashkenazic Jew) – Chairman, Supervisory Board, Deutsche Bank (Donald Trump’s largest lender)

Sheldon Adelson (Ashkenazic Jew) – Endorser, Donald J. Trump for President

Elliott Broidy (Ashkenazic Jew) – Vice Chairman, Trump Victory Committee

Michael Cohen (Ashkenazic Jew) – Executive Vice President and Special Counsel, The Trump Organization

Gil Dezer (Ashkenazic Jew) – President, Trump Dezer Development

Michael Dezer (Ashkenazic Jew) – Founder, Trump Dezer Development

Lewis Eisenberg (Ashkenazic Jew) – Chairman, Trump Victory Committee

Boris Epshteyn (Ashkenazic Jew) – Senior Adviser, Donald J. Trump for President

Stephen Feinberg (Ashkenazic Jew) – Member, Trump Economic Advisory Council; Donor, Trump Victory Fund

Alan Fishman (Ashkenazic Jew) – Chairman, Ladder Capital (Donald Trump’s second largest lender)

David Friedman (Ashkenazic Jew) – Co-Chairman, Israel Advisory Committee for Donald Trump

Samuel Fox (Ashkenazic Jew) – Vice Chairman, Trump Victory Committee

Alan Garten (Ashkenazic Jew) – Executive Vice President and General Counsel, The Trump Organization

Bruce Gelb (Ashkenazic Jew) – Endorser, Donald J. Trump for President

Michael Glassner (Ashkenazic Jew) – Deputy Campaign Manager and Former National Political Director, Donald J. Trump for President

Lawrence Glick (Ashkenazic Jew) – Executive Vice President of Strategic Development, The Trump Organization

Jason Greenblatt (Ashkenazic Jew) – Executive Vice President and Chief Legal Officer, The Trump Organization; Co-Chairman, Israel Advisory Committee for Donald Trump

Vincent Harris (Ashkenazic Jew) – Former Digital Strategy Manager, Donald J. Trump for President

Carl Icahn (Ashkenazic Jew) – Endorser, Donald J. Trump for President

Peter Kalikow (Ashkenazic Jew) – Donor, Trump Victory Fund

Daniel Kowalski (Ashkenazic Jew) – Deputy Policy Director, Donald J. Trump for President

Charles Kushner (Ashkenazic Jew) – Endorser, Donald J. Trump for President

Jared Kushner (Ashkenazic Jew) – Endorser, Donald J. Trump for President

Yael Kushner [née Ivanka Trump] (Orthodox Jewish convert) – Executive Vice President, The Trump Organization

Bennett LeBow (Ashkenazic Jew) – Donor, Trump Victory Fund

Richard LeFrak (Ashkenazic Jew) – Donor, Trump Victory Fund

Corey Lewandowski (Ashkenazic Jew/East European) – Former Campaign Manager, Donald J. Trump for President

Ronald Lieberman (Ashkenazic Jew) – Executive Vice President of Management & Development, The Trump Organization

Howard Lorber (Ashkenazic Jew) – Member, Trump Economic Advisory Council; Donor, Trump Victory Fund

David Malpass (Ashkenazic Jew) – Member, Trump Economic Advisory Council

Douglas Manchester (Ashkenazic Jew) – Donor, Make America Great Again PAC

Bernard Marcus (Ashkenazic Jew) – Endorser, Donald J. Trump for President

Rebekah Mercer (Ashkenazic Jew) – Donor, Make America Number One PAC

Robert Mercer (Ashkenazic Jew) – Donor, Make America Number One PAC

Amanda Miller (Ashkenazic Jew) – Vice President of Marketing, The Trump Organization

Eli Miller (Ashkenazic Jew) – Chief Operating Officer, Donald J. Trump for President

Jason Miller (Ashkenazic Jew) – Senior Communications Adviser, Donald J. Trump for President

Stephen Miller (Ashkenazic Jew) – National Policy Director, Donald J. Trump for President

Steven Mnuchin (Ashkenazic Jew) – National Finance Chairman, Donald J. Trump for President

Samuel Nunberg (Ashkenazic Jew) – Former Policy Adviser, Donald J. Trump for President

David Orowitz (Ashkenazic Jew) – Senior Vice President of Acquisitions and Development, The Trump Organization

Geoffrey Palmer [né Weissinger] (Ashkenazic Jew) – Donor, Rebuilding America Now PAC

John Paulson (Ashkenazic Jew) – Member, Trump Economic Advisory Council

Stewart Rahr (Ashkenazic Jew) – Endorser, Donald J. Trump for President

Richard Roberts (Ashkenazic Jew) – Vice Chairman, Israel Advisory Committee for Donald Trump

George Ross (Ashkenazic Jew) – Executive Vice President and Senior Counsel, The Trump Organization

Wilbur Ross (Ashkenazic Jew) – Endorser, Donald J. Trump for President

Steven Roth (Ashkenazic Jew) – Member, Trump Economic Advisory Council; Donor, Trump Victory Fund

Felix Sater (Ashkenazic Jew) – Former Senior Adviser, The Trump Organization

Keith Schiller (Ashkenazic Jew) – Director of Security, The Trump Organization

Melvin Sembler (Ashkenazic Jew) – Vice Chairman, Trump Victory Committee

Lara Trump [née Yunaska] (Ashkenazic Jew) – Endorser, Donald J. Trump for President

Vanessa Trump [née Haydon] (Ashkenazic Jew/North European) – Endorser, Donald J. Trump for President

Ronald Weiser (Ashkenazic Jew) – Vice Chairman, Trump Victory Committee

Andrew Weiss (Ashkenazic Jew) – Executive Vice President, The Trump Organization

Allen Weisselberg (Ashkenazic Jew) – Executive Vice President and Chief Financial Officer, The Trump Organization

Lawrence Weitzner (Ashkenazic Jew) – Adviser, Donald J. Trump for President

Steven Witkoff (Ashkenazic Jew) – Donor, Trump Victory Fund

Stephen Wynn [né Weinberg] (Ashkenazic Jew) – Endorser, Donald J. Trump for President