Isn’t it ironic, that the nickname for the Netherlands is the lowlands. Quite frankly, a more descriptive term would be the highlands or at least the high-people-lands. If you haven’t noticed, Dutch people are tall. Really tall. Freakishly tall. Tall enough to make even a “normally” tall person feel short. They are in fact, the tallest people in the world! Have you seen ’em lately? Quite frankly, they are busting out of their red-panted-steams!

Problems Dutch people have! @amsteraam A photo posted by Stuff Dutch People Like (@stuffdutchpeoplelike) on May 6, 2016 at 4:16am PDT

The odd thing here is that the Dutch haven’t always been tall. Ever been inside a 16th century canal house? Those tiny doors and quaintly low ceilings were indeed for tiny people. However, in only a century’s time, Dutch people went from being amongst the shortest nations to being the tallest homo-sapien-sapiens on the planet! The average Dutch man measures in at 1.837 m (6 ft 1 inches) and their lengthy female counterparts at a respectable 1.693 m (5 ft 6 1⁄ 2 inches).

Of course, there are a million and one hypothesis on why the Dutch are such vertically superior beings. Fabulous health-care? Impeccable hygiene? Superior diets? Generous sleep habits? All of these of course play a role, but I’ll put my money on the big D. Dairy, that is. Have you seen the copious amounts consumed in this country. I’m not alone in my conclusion, a recent study linked the number of cows per capita to the height of a country’s people. And guess what folks, the Dutch certainly have no shortage of cattle!

I bet you’re thinking that Dutch people must then all have it easy, in their lofty towers of height superiority. After all, aren’t there all sorts studies on the positive correlation between height and success? Think again folks! It ain’t all fun and games. Noooo, as we speak the tireless lobbyist group Klub Lange Mensen (Club for the Tall) are busy fighting the fight for enormously tall Dutch people’s rights.

It ain’t easy being tall. Tall Dutch people continually smack themselves on doorways, scratch the tops of their heads on ceilings, and get their lanky legs caught in each others lanky legs while simply trying to walk down the street! The tall Dutch people of the world need help (and apparently anti-growth hormones) and the hard working, self sacrificing people of the Klub Lange Mensen (KLM) will see that their tall bodies get the equalities they deserve! On their website they even offer advice for parents who are trying to see if their children will be lange (long) or te lange (too long)- gasp!!

It ain’t all bad news though, KLM’s website highlights a recent study on height and happiness; apparently all those smacks on the forehead have beaten the blues right out of them! So drink your milk children, and you too can be over 2 meters and blissfully happy!