I’ve been working in women’s services for more than 30 years and we have made some huge steps forward in tackling domestic and sexual violence – but it is devastating to see so much of the progress unravel.

Hard-fought campaigns for women’s rights are being casually undone. For example, just 15 years ago, women and children were able to escape violence and abuse by fleeing to refuges and then moving into permanent social housing. Yet a woman in one of our refuges told me last week of a local authority housing department who did not support her – and she was forced to return to her abusive partner with her three-year-old.

It took her another year, a broken arm and a child who is constantly vigilant and hyperactive for her to seek help again – luckily this time from a GP who had been trained in responding to domestic abuse.

Today we work tirelessly just to defend the ground that we won in the years since the first safe houses for women were opened more than 40 years ago: the right to safety, somewhere to flee to when in danger, and a secure home in which to start rebuilding your life.

I am astounded that in 2017 these basic rights are being questioned. But they are. Today, on the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, Women’s Aid has revealed that on just one day in the UK this year, 94 women and 90 children were turned away from refuge.

The government’s proposed supported housing reforms are set to remove refuges’ last secure form of funding, housing benefit, which will only make it worse for women and children trying to escape domestic abuse.

Now only one third of women who need a refuge space can access it [pdf]. They then leave refuges to join the army of women and children in temporary rooms or flats, waiting for yet another temporary move and at the bottom of the queue. We have a welfare fund, food banks, lists of supporters ready with clothing and baby equipment – but no right to the grants or loans that our welfare system previously had in place.



In my role as chief executive of the charity Solace Women’s Aid, one of the questions I’m frequently asked is whether domestic and sexual violence is increasing. This debate is fuelled by snowballing exposure of high-profile abusers through the media and shocking crime figures telling us that more women are reporting these horrific crimes.

But whether male violence and abuse is more prevalent today, or whether more women, for a host for reasons, feel more able to come forward is not the question we should be asking.

What I know, and what I see on a daily basis, is that men continue to hurt, control, degrade, humiliate and traumatise women in the most systematic and self-serving ways – and that the society that we all live in continues to facilitate or at least belittle the abuse of women by men.



It’s vital that more voices are heard, that the taboo is lifted about male violence and the abuse of women to ensure that all woman and children are supported, not blamed for the abuse they experience. But I think a fundamental part of the problem is still being missed.

By talking about “violence against women and girls” the blame is being

shifted away from men, who in an overwhelming percentage of cases are

the perpetrators of domestic and sexual violence.



I am also frequently asked about men who are abused. Many are victims of abuse by male partners, but women, of course, can also be abusers, whether their partner is a woman or a man.

This doesn’t negate the very real gendered element of this issue. The casual denial of the actuality and the impact of male abuse that continues to exist in our society – and the responsibility and ownership of this that men need to take. Our work in schools with boys and young men who have chosen to champion change as well as the high-profile #MeToo campaign offers real hope for change in the future.

We need to work together to address the issues; to challenge all forms of domestic and sexual violence and abuse.

The question is not why women don’t leave – but rather where women who have been so traumatised find the resilience and strength to make such huge life changes. Every woman who leaves, every child who comes with them, deserves our support, our understanding and our unconditional wonder at their life-affirming courage.



It doesn’t need to be this way. Men’s violence against women isn’t a given. Women should never have to make the decision between a roof over their heads and the abuse ending. Women fleeing abuse should never have to return and face being killed because there wasn’t a bed space available.



We need everyone in our communities and all our leaders to stand with us to end male violence and abuse – and be a part of a society that ensures that every woman and child has the right to live in safety.

Mary Mason is of chief executive of Solace Women’s Aid and co-chair of Women’s Aid.



This series aims to give a voice to the staff behind the public services that are hit by mounting cuts and rising demand, and so often denigrated by the press, politicians and public. If you would like to write an article for the series, contact kirstie.brewer@theguardian.com

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