As I was driving home from The Bakers Dozen; Phish’s 13-night run at Madison Square Garden, I was craving more. I had just seen them play three nights in a row and I was still riding the blissful high from every single moment I experienced that weekend. They had 5 more shows to go, but work and financial obligations restricted me from driving back a few days later and I was left hoping they would return for their traditional New Years Eve run at the Garden. Luckily Phish fans are on top of any whisper of a rumor of when the next tour may be, where the New Years Shows may be and the possibility of any member sitting in at any given show. For us, Phish is a lifestyle; they are more than just four guys playing music on stage. For 35 years Phish has dedicated their lives to providing us with endless smiles, unforgettable memories and the feeling that everything will be alright in this world. When the rumors started swirling that Phish would be returning to MSG for New Years again, I had to do everything in my power to go; and so it began.

I knew I had no shot of being able to afford tickets and a place to stay, so it started with a joke between my parents that we should go to NYC for New Years Eve and I would take them to a show. This joke almost immediately became reality as they were not only ok with the idea, they were excited about it. Even before Phish announced the run, we had booked an AirBnB for the rumored nights (free cancelation) and waited for the announcement. I checked every Phish blog and social media page everyday until the run was made official. Four nights at Madison Square Garden for New Years; the “Triumphant” return. From that point on I thought about this trip for what seemed like every second I was awake. What songs would they play? Are my parents going to see a glow stick war? Am I FINALLY going to get a “Tweezer”?! . Working everyday can get mundane and make you feel stuck in a rut. I was in incredible debt thanks to my student loans and working two horrible jobs just to pay them off. Knowing that I would be returning to NYC for four nights of Phish made those long Fall and Winter days better and gave me something to push through. It’s very hard to explain to my friends or strangers why I love this band so much and why I get so emotional when talking about them. It’s like asking why Buffalo Bills season ticket holders return every season knowing they have a history of losing. It’s the people, it’s the scene, it’s the camaraderie, it’s the chance at seeing something special, it makes you happy and provides lasting memories; except Phish never loses. You see people with Phish stickers on their car so you go out of your way to honk. If you see someone wearing a Phish shirt anywhere in the world, you start a conversation that can go on for an hour. It’s like minded people that are kind to everyone and view the world with clear eyes and full hearts who just want to share that.

I was lucky enough to score tickets through Phish’s lottery system that places fans in a random drawing to receive tickets before public onside. Since this run was so coveted after the Bakers Dozen, this was huge for securing the fact that my family could also go to the shows. I would go by myself on Thursday 12/28/17, bring my brothers on Friday 12/29/17, my parents on Saturday 12/30/17 and then experience the final night on New Years Eve by myself again. One of the cool things about Phish’s lottery system is that each ticket is a decorative collectible. A little nod to the fans to give them just a little bit more to look forward too. I waited anxiously for them to come in the mail as I always worry that someway, somehow something will go wrong with the transaction until they are actually in my hand. Soon enough they came and December 28th had arrived, we were finally on our way.

December 28, 2017

The drive that morning was one that makes you feel like a kid going to Disney world. You’re waiting weeks for the moment and it’s finally here. I had actually convinced my family to go see Phish for New Years Eve. It was a nice easy drive as I had worried about a snowstorm or the car breaking down to make me miss the first night. We unpacked and I jumped on the $3 bus from our AirBnB in Jersey into Manhattan by myself. I had seen Phish alone in Pittsburgh earlier that year, but NYC solo dolo was a little different. It didn’t matter as I was soon at one of the bars outside Madison Square Garden surrounded by Phish fans. Almost any of us are approachable and willing to strike up a conversation with the kid standing alone in a bar. You ask where they came from, how many shows you’ve seen, what songs you wanna hear; there is always something to talk about and you never truly feel alone. I chatted up random groups of people and shared beers until it was time to go in. I found my seat in section 115 on Page’s side (Page side rage side of course) and was ready to get down. My neighbors introduced themselves as they saw I was by myself and made me feel like I had always known them. Some people may not understand how someone could go to a show at MSG alone, but this was Phish and I was more than comfortable with where I was. They started the run with “AC/DC Bag”, the one song that had become my go to the past few weeks, so naturally they opened with it. The entire first set was amazing as they busted out a killer funk jam on “Tube” and closed it out with a well coordinated “Theme From The Bottom”. They had taken off right where they left off from the Bakers Dozen and could tell they were excited to be back. Set 2 saw my personal favorite jam from the entire run in “No Men in No Man’s Land” that lasted 24 minutes and included everything we love about 3.0 Phish; 3.0 referring to the band after their reunion in 2009. This jam had me floating in the ceiling and grooving with my fellow aisle mates. People I had just met and will probably never see again were high-fiving me as they segued into “Twist” that also provided those blissful peaks we all yearn for. The rest of the set had me dancing and wanting more as I headed back after the show. They had set up what looked to be a special run. Thanks to whoever provided this video that captures the essence of that night:

December 29, 2017

This was one of those days I had played over and over in my head. I was not only bringing someone to their first Phish show, I was bringing my little brothers to their first Phish show at the world’s most famous arena. After downing a few bloody mary’s in the morning, we headed into the city for our Phishy adventure. We did some typical site seeing, but soon headed over to the Madison Square Garden area. I wanted to give them a full Phish experience so I brought them to “American Beauty”, a three story bar where the Phan Art show was going on. This is where vendors can set up shop and sell clothing, accessories and anything Phish related for us phans. You can find some really cool items, bit you find even cooler people. I was telling everyone it was my brothers first show and strangers were just as excited as I was. After finding a nice buzz and collecting a good amount of souvenirs to bring home, it was show time. We were in the front row of section 202, pretty much head on so I was amped that I got decent seats for these guys. This was my least favorite show of the run, but that does not mean it was a bad show. The shows were all so good, but one has to be my least favorite. They got to see one of my favorite songs in “Chalkdust Torture” that always gets a good reaction from the crowd as my middle brother was amazed at the unison of glow stick tossing. I can say pretty confidently that I will never dislike any “Ghost” they play and this night was no exception. My youngest brother was a big fan of “Simple” and kept asking me to replay it days after the show. I was hoping to hook at least one of them and succeeded in doing so. My middle brother said he has never been surrounding by so many fun and loving people. He struggles very badly with anxiety and nothing has helped him cope with it, so it was amazing to see him open up and converse with people like that; leave it to Phish to change someones life that really needed it. We are now going to the two Merriweather Post Pavilion shows in Columbia, Maryland this summer. For this, I say thank you to everyone involved with this band.

December 30, 2017

It was my now my parents turn to experience what I talk about every day and include in every conversation I can. My parents are very cool when it comes to partying, but some of the stereotypes you may have heard about Phish are true and there are some sketchy dirt balls at these shows. It didn’t matter as I brought them right back to American Beauty and introduced them to the wonderful world of Phish. They fit right in and kept giving me the “I can’t believe this is what you do” look in the most loving way possible. They were not upset in the slightest, but very much so jealous that I found something so much fun that brought me so much joy. They had seen many of the big bands growing up, The Who, The Stones, The Grateful Dead, AC/DC, yet were amazed at the scene Phish provided; that meant the world to me. For two seasoned concert vets of all genres of music, they seemed blown away they had never tried Phish before. We had the best seats I have had at any Phish show in section 102; right behind the light man, Chris Kuroda. What transpired that night will stick with me for the rest of my life as I witnessed the most perfect unification of music playing I have seen to this day. The setlist included numerous quintessential Phish songs starting with a classic full Mike’s Groove. I finally got to see “Tweezer”, one of the most popular Phish songs. During this particular “Tweezer”, I started to shed a few tears. They were reaching a blissful peak that sent shrills down your spine and I looked over at my parents. It was one of those moments that you realize is one of the best points of your life and one you appreciate as it is unfolding. I was sitting in the center of Madison Square Garden, with the two people who raised me and came all the way from Rochester, NY to see my favorite thing in the world. I was overwhelmed with happiness as they brought awe inspiring improvisational music to my ears. I don’t know of many things that can provoke that type of spiritual emotion out of me. They got to see the rare “Brother”, played slow and funky, as well as a 27 minute “Down with Disease” that my dad asks me about at least once a week. “What was that one song that never ended? Down with Divide? I Got a Disease?”. Quite literally as soon as the show ended I turned to them and said that was the best concert I had ever been to; I wasn’t wrong. I am one lucky guy to have shared that with them.

December 31, 2017

The big night was upon me. They say there is nothing quite like Phish in Madison Square Garden on New years Eve as the clock counts down to midnight. As a Phish fan this is one of those nights you have to go to at least once. I had just had three amazing nights of shows and could not wait for the fourth. It’s funny that the entire country is watching the party just a few blocks away in Times Square as overpaid, untalented people give speeches and performances on national television that seem more like a way to gain money and notoriety for themselves than anything else. Here we are with not a care in the world and no one to bother us, no cameras for others to see, no advertising plugs and a band that actually cares about their fans as human beings and wants to provide the best experience possible. Each year they take money out of their own profits to put on a “gag” when midnight arrives. In the past they have disappeared on stage, only to reappear in the middle of the crowd, they’ve played on a JEMP bus in the middle of the floor and even had special dancers float above the crowd in a mystified sea of rain. We awoke that morning with a email saying we would be receiving special wristbands on our seats and to prepare for our maiden voyage into the new year……I mean come on; what other artists do stuff like this? I spent the day in Manhattan meeting up with friends and getting ready for the show. I got some songs I had been chasing for a long time in this show. “Reba”, “Fluffhead”, “Gotta Jibboo” and “You Enjoy Myself” all made the setlist before the big moment. Just before midnight, our wristbands started lighting up and sprinkled colorful patterns throughout the crowd. This had been done before by Coldplay and Taylor Swift, but this was only the beginning. Just before midnight, a ship was revealed on stage as workers hung giant sails from the ceiling of Madison Square Garden and the wristbands lit up to give the perception that the crowd was the ocean and the band was a ship riding the waves. They played all ocean themed songs while balloons rained down from the ceiling after midnight and continued to bounce around the room with each song. I can’t put into words what it’s like to see so many strangers come together and bask in something so special with a band that means everything to us. As “The Moma Dance” and “A Song I Heard The Ocean Sing” blared over the speakers at MSG on the fourth and final night of the run, I could’t help but take it all in and be incredibly grateful I am able to do something like this. Even though I was alone, I didn’t feel it as strangers hugged me and wished me happy a happy new years. What a run, what a band, what a feeling. Go to 11:30 in the video below for the midnight moment.

Going back to the real world was difficult. I had just had four amazing nights that can change a person. Music is special and provides an escape for people to help them cope with life’s struggles. I have been pretty lucky to have good people in my life and a close family. I do not necessarily need Phish to help me survive or to help me find light in a dark place. I simply recognize that we live on this tiny pale blue dot in a vastly unknown universe. I cherish every moment I am alive and look for those experiences that capture what it means to be a person. Phish gives that to me in the most extraordinary way possible. It may not be for everyone and that is okay, but do not hate on something that provides so much good in this world. So many people get caught up in their everyday lives. They work until they get the next job, to pay the next bill, to make the next sale and then they die. Many feel the need to fit into this standard that has been falsely laid out for us and miss all the amazing things we as human beings have available. I am never one to miss events like this for work or something less important. What’s important to me is that when I am on my death bed, I can say I lived my life the way I wanted and that I was kind to everyone along the way. I won’t remember that meeting I had or that test I took in college, but I’ll sure as hell remember moments like those I had during these four nights. I do not need a fancy car, a fancy home or the newest gadgets; these items do not last, I cannot keep them with me forever. I wish people recognized this and tried to have more fulfilling experiences instead of worrying about money and social status’. As long as I am making a comfortable living, working hard and providing for those I care about, I can die a happy man. Thank you Phish for inspiring me in more ways than one, for teaching me to keep my head on straight, to help those in need and always smile along the way. My life path has become much clearer and success is on the horizon thanks to what you do.