SEATTLE— Stunned and dismayed that it will have no assistance in treating the serious mood disorder, the antidepressant Prozac cannot believe that it is being asked to fix this mess entirely on its own, sources said Wednesday. “I’m seriously supposed to go in there and turn around years of hopelessness without any backup whatsoever,” said the exasperated twice-daily 10-milligram SSRI, adding it simply could not believe it would have no support from moderate exercise, a healthy diet, or a dedicated psychotherapy program. “The plan is for me, all by myself, to do this without any aid from mature coping skills or a support system of loved ones—is this what you’re telling me? Oh, and let me guess, I’m not gonna get an assist from a reasonable sleep schedule either.” At press time, the drug was getting more help than it needed from alcohol.

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