Meet the new Thor, not the same as the old Thor

By David Futrelle

You can always count on the dude who calls himself One Angry Gamer to have a highly nuanced reaction to developments in the gaming and comics worlds. For example, take his reaction to the news yesterday that the upcoming Thor: Love and Thunder movie will feature Natalie Portman — a LADY — as none other than Thor him herself.

“This is the kind of news that strips the threads away from the very fabric of your soul,” he declared in a post on his One Angry Gamer site, really leaning hard on that fabric metaphor. “As always, Marvel is moving the dial ever further Left.”

Well, not that much further left, in that Portman played Man Thor’s gal pal in several past films, and that there already has been a series of comics in which Thor was a lady. But as One Angry Gamer sees it, those comics sucked and the movie will too:

For those of you unfamiliar with the Female Thor, it was as bad as everyone said it was, laced with the sort of propaganda that the Marvel comics have become infamous for … and included blatant agitprop such as Jane sharing an interracial kiss with Falcon after beating up some “racist” agitators. But it didn’t end there… Jane ended up sleeping with the Falcon later on.

Oh my goodness, the comic book characters are miscegenating!

It’s the sort of thing that makes you sick to your stomach; churning your insides with a nausea-inducing swirl, as if you were butter in a theki.

If interracial sex makes you feel like butter in a sort of centrifuge used ito churn butter in Nepal, you might just be a teensy weensy bit of a racist.

“But it gets worse,” the Angry Gamer continued.

There were misandrist threads throughout the female Thor run, including one where a female villain refused to let another male villain fight female Thor out of “respect” for what she was doing. This is not even a joke.

Er. what? I’m having a hard time even parsing what exactly he’s mad at here.

But wait… it gets even worse!

According to ScreenRant’s tweets, actress Tessa Thompson said that as the new king of Asgard, the Valkyrie has to find a queen, since she’s obviously a lesbian! I had to stand up and then sit down for a moment. It’s a lot to take in. It’s like a hammer to the gut.

By Grabthar’s hammer, what a dingus.

If the news that a character in a comic book movie might be lesbian hits you “like a hammer to the gut,” you may be taking comic book movies just a teensy bit too seriously. And also you pretty definitely are a huge homophobe.

But it turns out Mr. Angry Gamer is just getting warmed up.

Starring [sic] at the floor, I began to realize that whatever good the Marvel Cinematic Universe brought to the world would be undone by the heathens of Hollywood. Whatever memories or joy that you thought you could embrace from the previous three phases of storytelling, are gone. Your joy is being systematically erased by the diversity agenda, and Phase 4 will taint these legacy characters… forever.

Ah bloo bloo bloo.

I wish there were words that could express the sadness that envelops my heart, to see Marvel wielding an axe of destruction for which all that you loved will be torn asunder and ripped apart like a pig’s intestines in a slaughter house; all for the sake of brainwashing the masses with their agenda.

Angry Gamer dude really loves working those metaphors, huh?

But there are no words… just bleakness and the realization that cultural entertainment is on the cusp of crumbling due to these degenerates.

Ah, I was waiting for him to work the word “degenerate” in there somehow, as if anyone had any doubts about his basically fascist sensibilities.

Anyhoo, after the Nazi dogwhistling, our Angry Gamer boi predicts the end of the world:

The end is nigh, and it will be ushered in with trends, claps, and applause. The San Diego Comic-Con was the messenger of Armageddon, and you get to stand at ground zero to witness the complete and utter annihilation of comic-book movie culture.

Take some deep breaths, dude, you’re losing it. I don’t think even fans of Bewitched in the 1960s were this upset when they replaced Darrin with a whole other Darrin without saying a word.

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