Twinks versus bears: the future of Uganda hangs in the balance

(ACPA-Kampala) It used to be that Africans were famous for starving to death on national television and inspiring rock stars to organize fundraising sing-alongs. However, lately they have discovered the benefits of hating Gay people. And not without good reason: Take Uganda - Gays have destroyed the place. First, colorful flags appeared everywhere, then flamboyant queens started flaunting themselves on main street Kampala. It was downhill from there with men abandoning their wives and farms for book clubs and men-only knitting circles. The final straw was the pride parade during which locals were besieged in their shanties.

But, shortages of books and wool aside, there were several other compelling reasons for President Museveni to sign tough new legislation aimed at reducing the amount of Gayness in Uganda. One man, Afundo Bunomoni, caught the mood of many when he voiced his concerns to a local radio reporter. "What is the point of cutting off my daughter's clitoris if none of the men are going to be interested in her?" Several other fathers admitted they were adopting a wait and see approach before having their daughters mutilated. "But what if we wait too long and our daughters start to object to the hot spike?" asked another concerned citizen. "These Gays need to be gay somewhere else."

Financial questions were also on the minds of many Ugandans who support the new stringent law against Gays. There is widespread fear that thousands of jobs in the NGO sector could be at risk if foreign donations dropped in the absence of the legal change. Tawango Dojorno spoke for many when he asked: "Who is going to donate money to a country whose biggest problem is a dispute over twinks and bears?"

American evangelical missionary leaders seem to be the only group who are concerned about the ban. Pastor William Locke from Indiana, who has spent months in Africa pushing conservative Christian views, noted that: "with this law, Uganda may have gone too far. They risk losing the opportunity to blame AIDS on Gays."

Finally, western gay-rights activists were planning to initiate a boycott of Ugandan goods, until someone pointed out that there aren't any Ugandan goods; except perhaps a small trade in empty bags of grain with "Gift from the USA" stamped on the side.

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