Tired of standing on the porch and yelling at your kids to get home right this minute because it’s dinner time? Yeah, that gets grating after a bit. While you’ll probably still strain your vocal cords yelling, having this Pneumatic Porch Whistle should make summoning the children just a little more entertaining, making you feel like you’re driving a steam-powered choo-choo train while you’re at it.

Designed to mimic the whistles of the railway kings of old, it turns your front porch into a rampaging locomotive, sans any actual smoke piping out through the stack. That way, you can pretend to be the railroad engineer instead of the tired mom who’s increasingly growing frustrated with your increasingly misbehaving kids, adding a small glimmer of whimsy into an otherwise grinding day. Yeah, life kinda sucks like that when you get older.

Don’t worry, the Pneumatic Porch Whistle won’t send out a call loud enough to make the entire neighborhood think it’s the CDC putting the town on quarantine. Instead, it’s going to produce just 120 db – loud enough for the kids to actually hear, while way, way softer than the ones from its steam-powered ancestors. The whistle actually plays four notes when pulled on hard, all of which bellow out at the same time as soon as the cord is pulled, while shorter tugs will produce staccato toots for short warnings, in case you just want to make some noise to calm down after a panic attack. It measures 14 x 10 x 6 inches (h x w x d).

Available now, the Pneumatic Porch Whistle retails for $149.95. And just in case you own a locomotive-style BBQ Train, this thing should be the perfect addition to alert everyone when the steaks are done.