Kaillie Humphries brought glory to Canada time and again on the world stage, winning a gold medal in the two-woman bobsleigh at the Vancouver Olympics and becoming the first woman ever to successfully defend her title in Sochi four years later. She has challenged gender norms in sport by being one of the first few women to compete in mixed gender racing, then in 2016 drove an all-woman team against men in international competition.

Technically speaking, Humphries is badass, and Bobsleigh Canada Skeleton has adored her. The true north has only started to utter it’s polite disdain since last week when Humphries announced that she wanted to leave the national federation because she had endured verbal and mental abuse from head coach Todd Hays. Humphries declared her intention to switch federations and compete under the American flag moving forward. “I need to be the best athlete I can be and go where it’s safe and where I have an opportunity to continue my career” she said in an interview with CBC Sports. “And unfortunately, that is not with Bobsleigh Canada anymore.”

There are those who have taken her disclosure of abuse as a personal insult to this country, and that is extremely dangerous. It is important to not conflate patriotism with the needs of an athlete. This is not about how loyal of a Canadian Humphries is. This is about her wellness as a person. Did we forget that she’s human?

Now I am the first person to enjoy a friendly rivalry with my neighbors to the south. There is no one that cheers louder for the Canadian women’s hockey team than I – particularly against the United States. But in an instance where an athlete is in danger of emotional trauma, any loyalty I have to Canada is quickly put aside.

Bobsleigh Canada has not been an advocate or supportive of Humphries, despite what’s by all appearances been a mutually beneficial relationship. According to the national governing body an investigation remains “ongoing”. I have worked in sports journalism for a long time and know that such “investigations” are contaminated by bureaucracy and the politics of power. It is important to note that two American athletes had previously reported to SafeSport, an independent entity that investigates alleged abuse in sports, that Hays physically, verbally and mentally abused them while he was a coach with the USA program.

Needless to say, the Humphries situation has created a lot of frigidity in an already frosty area.

But if an athlete loses faith in the very organization that is supposed to advocate for them, and at the very place where their alleged abuser thrives, how can they focus on training and optimizing themselves for the physical and mental rigors of elite competition? It is mind-blowingly unjust.

Humphries decided to sue the national governing body to force her release, but a judge in Alberta denied her request, citing insufficient proof of abuse. The tragic irony is that emotional and verbal abuse is notoriously difficult to prove. Once again we see that a legal system does nothing to help survivors. In response to the ruling, Humphries has declared that she will not compete for Canada if the organization continues under the current management.

Let’s be clear about this: athletes do not owe Canada anything. It is an honor for us to showcase them, and although they often talk about the happiness of competing internationally with a maple leaf on their chests, the reality is that we give them very little in return other than a tear-jerking commercial from Procter & Gamble or a carefully crafted montage during a mega-event.

Kaillie Humphries, left, and Heather Moyse successfully defended their gold medals in the two-woman bobsleigh at the Sochi Olympics. Photograph: Alexander Hassenstein/Getty Images

Women athletes are typically under-funded and lack financial support for training. Many work full-time jobs or live with family to minimize costs.

While programs like Own the Podium have helped athletes more, it puts added pressure on for medal production and winning. Canada boasts some of the most talented women’s hockey players in the world but it wasn’t enough to keep a professional league afloat in this country. A damn shame. We do not give our women athletes enough support by any metric.

So the least we can do is safeguard their well-being. The Canadian rowing legend and my personal shero, Silken Laumann, has been very public with her struggles with mental health and surviving emotional turmoil. (Full disclosure: I have written for Laumann’s project and shared my own struggles with my mental health.) The toll on athletes is grave and can feel unsurmountable. Having to fight against your national governing body cannot be good for a dedicated and passionate athlete.

The effects of a coach abusing an athlete is all too often disregarded in sports, only more so when the dynamic involves an abusive male coach and a woman athlete. Athletes are expected to be strong and endure the training with a “tough mentality”. Without proper support, that athlete is reduced to a high-performance machine whose feelings and emotional needs are put aside. Humphries needs support. I was elated when I saw her and her bobsleigh partner Heather Moyse bear the Canadian flag in the closing ceremony at the Sochi Olympics after they won a second consecutive gold medal. But that pride and ownership over Humphries is unrealistic and unjust. She needs to heal and she needs to grow as an athlete. She cannot do this in Canada under the current circumstances. Is her only option to quit?

By denying Humphries a chance to grow and heal, or even mediate the situation, Bobsleigh Canada Skeleton has proven that what they really care about: power and control. And I will most certainly not raise a glass of maple syrup to that.