In other words, moms, if you go see “Tully” hoping for your everyday tribulations to be validated — and even fetishized — you will be disappointed.

There have been many complaints about the movie. But I think this disappointment is the source of some of the anger. Many moms — quibbling over organic snacks and Mandarin lessons — went expecting to see an everyday mom celebrated for her heroism and were instead reminded that they should get over their self-involved sense of hardship and be grateful that nothing in their home is going seriously wrong.

For that reason, you’d think I would have appreciated “Tully.” But I couldn’t. At times it seemed to be almost mocking postpartum depression. But it also just perpetuated the same stereotypes as the most lowbrow mom flicks — chiefly that maternal instinct can be reduced to a series of tasks and that our success as mothers can be measured by our ability to nail them every single day and look hot at the same time. (It’s no accident that one of the most supposedly shocking aspects of the film is Ms. Theron’s body — she gained some 50 pounds to play the role, and one of the kids at one point asks, aghast, “Mom, what’s wrong with your body?”)

I’m tired of being told that motherhood is hard and ugly. Sure, the early years can be monotonous and tiring. But those caregiving duties are easy compared with the later work of being a parent, which goes far deeper emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Like any intense love affair, it can be gut-wrenching to live life while your raw, bleeding heart walks around outside your body. Little people are, by design, oblivious to the cruelty of the world. And we cannot always protect them. (As a black mom, I have to worry that some trigger-happy police officer will mistake my son’s fidget spinner for a weapon.)

The real work of motherhood is very similar to the work of womanhood. The hard part isn’t endless demands for diaper changes and PB&J sandwiches. The hard part is living in a culture that doesn’t assign us worth beyond the superficial. We have to do that on our own.