Not every police agency provides a log of its responses, and few do it with the finesse of the Forest Grove Police Department. Every week, we post the goings on as provided by this community 25 miles west of Portland, not because it's earth-shatteringly important, but because it provides a glimpse into the world of modern small-town policing.

July 30

* A woman called police after her mother reportedly attempted to set her garage and herself on fire. A small fire in the garage had been extinguished by the time officers arrived. The mother did not sustain injuries, but was taken to the hospital for evaluation.

* A caller reported their two birds had been killed by toxic fumes from a neighbor who was cutting tires to make sandals, further claiming the vet bill for treating the birds had cost them a month's rent. Officers advised a civil compromise.

* Police responded to a report of an elderly man passed out in a vehicle with the door open. The man was simply taking a nap.

July 31

* A citizen reported that an unknown person from Alabama used his credit card to purchase pizza.

* A man called and yelled at a dispatcher refusing to answer questions about the issue he was calling about. The man later yelled at officers and called back to report to dispatch that he was a better cop and had a higher IQ than the officers he spoke to. In a conversation later in the evening, the man calmed down and thanked police for treating him with respect and offering good advice.

* A man stopped for a traffic violation ran from officers. Officers pursued the man and caught him. It was learned he had a warrant for his arrest.

August 1

* A citizen reported a man in his 70s who seemed disoriented and was asking for food. The man was also observed eating dandelions. Officers contacted the man, who assured them he was OK. Officers gave him a courtesy ride home.

* Officers were able to diffuse a situation involving an elderly resident of an assisted living center armed with a steak knife and allegedly threatening staff. A family member transported him to the hospital.

* An intoxicated man was transported to a Portland detox center after he was found passed out in the parking lot of a local establishment.

August 2

* A woman contacted police to report that library staff members were worshiping Satan. Officers found no explicit evidence of occult activity occurring at the library.

* A man was arrested after allegedly attempting to fill fraudulent prescriptions at multiple pharmacies.

* Officers assisted deputies and two tracking K-9s in searching for a man who ran from a traffic stop outside city limits. The suspect was found in a tree.

August 3

* Police looked for a man who reportedly was "wobbling" through the street and giggling to himself.

* After contacting a juvenile male on the street, officers noticed what appeared to be the shape of a gun under his shirt. An officer grabbed the boy's hand while the other officer took hold of the weapon and ejected a round from a loaded chamber. A fully loaded 16 round magazine was taken from the boy's pocket. Further investigation resulted in charges of burglary, theft, unlawful possession of a firearm and carrying a concealed weapon. The boy was lodged at a detention center.

August 4

* A City parks truck was stolen from a parks employee. The truck was recovered in Portland and probable cause exists for arrest of the suspects.

* A man requested a welfare check on his wife and child after hearing they were kidnapped. He later learned it was not true.

* A woman reported a UFO in the western skies along with some unusual star activity following five nights of star gazing. The caller told police she would call the UFO hotline and did not need assistance after all.

August 5

* A woman called to vent her displeasure with Forest Grove officers who kept entering her home at night and upsetting her intestines. The woman hung up on the officer who called to assist.

* A citizen complained that her dogs were annoyed because of screaming neighbor kids playing in a bouncy house.

* Pacific University Campus Public Safety officers reported a vehicle that sped towards them on 21st Avenue with a possibly intoxicated driver. Officers located the car and arrested the driver for suspected DUII.