To those who have never experienced abuse either as a child or as an adult, the story of Linda Boreman-Marchiano seems very far-fetched & to this day she does have her critics; many of them. While I am a full believer that we all are responsible for our own lives & have to answer for ourselves & our actions, but I am also aware that the damage that abuse does to a persons' psyche is enormous.

Although my experience with abuse never led me even close to a fate such as Linda's, while reading her biography I did recognize many similarities. I, too, became involved with an abusive older man, naively believing this was a better alternative than living in an alcoholic & abusive home with relatives heavily involved in a religious cult. I was told throughout my life that I was not allowed to move out of the house until I was married, so when I saw the chance, I took it. While my husband at that time was not a pimp or pornographer he did have a criminal record which made it difficult for him to find steady work & at times the burden was put on me to make ends meet. Not an easy task for a 21 year old with no skills or college degree.

He also did what he could to undermine my self-esteem, telling me I was fat when I was actually very thin, that I wasn't smart & he made sure I was aware he had been with girls prettier than me in his past. I truly believed I was worthless. When I went out, I was sure people were staring at me, not because they thought I was attractive, but because they thought I was ugly. Furniture was thrown at me if I spoke back to him, one time he even spit in face during an argument. At times he would make demeaning jokes about me to others to which I would laugh while the others would squirm uncomfortably. Why did I laugh? I didn't want to be put through hell when I got home later.

Why didn't I leave immediately? Not only did the religion in which I was raised speak against divorce, I truly believed I had nowhere to go & would never be able to find someone who loved me. I truly thought I was alone in all of this & there was nowhere to turn. Don't ever forget that most abuse victims are afraid to speak about what they're going through. They either feel that no one will believe them, or that they deserve what they get from their partner, or they may have been threatened that if they say anything, they or their loved ones will be killed. Many times it's all of the above. When your self-esteem is at an all-time low and you feel you have no self-worth, there's no telling what an abuser can lead you to believe or do. You don't always know who you can trust & abusers have a tendency to isolate their victims from everyone they love.

It wasn't until I finally opened up to a couple of people who I am friends with to this day that I finally got up the nerve to leave after four long years. Please, keep in mind that it is not always easy dealing with a friend or relative who is in this type of relationship. Most of the time they are either too afraid to leave their partner or their self-esteem is so shot they don't know how to leave, so it takes a lot of patience to deal with them. Even long after I got out I felt guilty; that I wronged him by leaving. I had to go through many years of therapy to finally realize I was the wronged party, not him.

If you are involved with an abuser or know someone who is, please, be aware that there are organizations that can help & everything is kept in confidence. While the authorities can only do so much, these organizations are more than willing to assist in any way. No one - whether it's a woman, man, or child - deserves to be treated as an object or a piece of property or piece of garbage for someone else's use.