SYDNEY – Postmedia columnist and professional old man Rex Murphy has been parachuted into Australia’s massive forest where support for denying climate change and doing nothing about it has been waning.

“It was cold once in Canada, and yet we have a carbon tax,” said Murphy who didn’t stop talking for the entire 23 hour flight from Canada to Australia. “And the government is placing a levy on all Canadians for being cold. Thanks, Justin. Thanks, Greta.”

Murphy hopes to use his powers of sarcasm and early 20th-century English vocabulary to extinguish the flames by persuading everyone that the fires don’t exist.

“Australians want a warmer climate – beach balls and fried kangaroos. Who doesn’t want that?” lectured Murphy as he was pushed out of a C-130 above the towering flames.

Upon landing, Murphy flaunted his credentials as a climate change scientist with his MA in English and his time spent listening to other call-in experts on CBC’s Cross Country Checkup.

“Destroyed homes and extinct species is a whole lot better than slippery streets and mountains of snow,” said Murphy to a group of wildfire refugees clenching their fists.

At press time, the prolific opinion-maker was busy preparing another column denying science the next time it gets cold.