A new tabloid report that is obviously 100 percent factual claims that former President Bill Clinton had a year-long affair with British model and actress Elizabeth Hurley.

According to Radar Online, actor and frequent criminal defendant Tom Sizemore arranged rendezvouses between Clinton and Hurley starting in 1998 after a “Saving Private Ryan” screening at the White House.

Radar and UK’s Globe have audio of Sizemore, who had a relationship with Hurley years prior, recounting the beginning of the affair.

After the screening, Clinton summoned Sizemore to go see the Lincoln Bedroom when Clinton asked for Hurley’s phone number.

Clinton apparently told Sizemore in real life and not in one of the actor’s heroin-binge nightmares: “Give [her number] to me. You dumb motherfucker, I’m the Commander-in-Chief of the United States of America. The buck stops here. Give me the damn number.”

Sizemore said that Clinton already made up a cover story as to why the two went off. According to Sizemore, “[Clinton] said, ‘I’m going to say I asked you about your uncle, Ted Sizemore, who played professional baseball. That’s the lie. Don’t forget it.'”

Once Clinton got Hurley’s number, he called her and introduced himself exactly like this (which, in all honesty, seems entirely plausible):

“Elizabeth, this is your Commander-in-Chief,” Clinton said to Hurley. “Listen Elizabeth, this is the President!” Again this is all according to Sizemore: “‘I don’t have any time for this shit. I‘m keeping the world from nuclear war all the time. I’m sending a plane to pick you up.”

Hours later, Sizemore claims, Hurley was at the White House and Clinton said to him, “I owe you one.”

Hurley was allegedly at the White House for several days. Sizemore said, “What do you think? She was there for four days. He fucked her that night.”

Hillary was a nonissue because Hurley told Sizemore that the president and first lady slept in separate bedrooms.

Alas, the love affair ended as most fake love affairs between presidents and British models do.

“At a certain point, he told her, ‘I don’t do love and I’m beginning to think I might love you,’” Sizemore claims. That’s when Clinton ended the affair.

As for Hurley, she tweeted Wednesday:

Ludicrously silly stories about me & Bill Clinton. Totally untrue. In the hands of my lawyers. Yawn. — Elizabeth Hurley (@ElizabethHurley) February 5, 2014

Clinton has yet to respond to the story, which means that it is 100 percent true.

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