MUSCATINE, IA—Local teen Brian Lemire, who reports indicate is by far the most bizarre person within his age group anywhere in America, purchased a season-one DVD box set of the early '90s CBS sitcom Murphy Brown this weekend. "It's going to be a real treat to enjoy this landmark show's debut episodes and see where the magic all began," said the staggeringly weird Lemire, who, despite being a 16-year-old living in the year 2011, was somehow "especially psyched" for the long-forgotten program's Dan Quayle jokes and its guest appearances from late character actor Darren McGavin. "The first four years were really when the banter between Candice Bergen and [a cast member whose name Lemire strangely knows] was at its peak." At press time, the human being who was barely old enough to speak when Murphy Brown went off the air in 1998 was for some reason chuckling knowingly at the episode 20 commentary track from creator/executive producer Diane English.

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