ALERT: This 16-Year-Old Girl Is Believed To Be Missing, Please Be On The Lookout For A—Oh Wait, She’s Right Here, Nevermind

Readers, take note: An alert has been issued for a 16-year-old girl believed to be missing in the Indianapolis, IN area. Brittany St. Clair, also known as Brit, stands 5’5” and weighs 120 pounds. She has blonde hair and green eyes. She was last seen in downtown Indianapolis wearing gray sweatpants and a green T-shirt. Anyone with information is asked to call the Indianapolis police department.

Wait—you know what, she’s right here. She’s right over here in the corner. She’s waving.

Okay, never mind: We’ve got Brittany. She must have gotten in here somehow, and she’s just standing, like, 15 feet from us. Maybe got turned around or something. Anyway, nothing to worry about! She looks totally fine. She’s listening to something on her iPhone and everything. If anyone has contact with Brittany’s parent or guardian, please let them know that she’s actually safe and sound with us.

Guess we’re going to drive her home now.

What great news! With so many missing children out there, it’s wonderful to know that this one is all right. Thanks, readers!

UPDATED ALERT: Hold on, she’s gone again. We looked away for one second and now she’s gone.