“Did you ever hear The Tragedy of Darth Abrams the Transparent?”

“No.”

“I thought not. It’s not a story YouTube reviewers would tell you. It’s an auteur legend. Darth Abrams was a dark lord of the fanboys so transparent and so unsubstantial, he could use his own sequels to make his previous films...Worse. He had such a knowledge of nostalgia, he could even keep his fans...From having expectations.”

“He could actually...Save people from having standards for Star Wars?”

“The dark side of filmmaking is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be pandering.”

“W-What happened to him?”

“He became so popular, the only thing he feared was losing his popularity. Which, eventually, of course, he did. His apprentice, Rian Johnson, tried to actually develop his characters. Then Abrams transformed them into the one-note trope-y cutouts from his first film. Ironic. Everyone claimed his films were ‘at least better than the prequels’, yet his finale was easily worse reviewed than all 3.”

“Is it possible to learn this power?”

“Not from George Lucas.”