Dater’s Index

Number of first dates I went on from the Internet between January 2009 and November 2010: 40

Percentage change over the previous decade: +3,900

Number of those I went out with more than once: 13

Number of those I went out with more than three times: 8

Number of those I have zero memory of: 7

Chances my date was named Matt or Jeff: 1 in 5

Occasions on which I lied to shorten first dates: 4

Estimated time, in minutes, that I am now capable of making small talk: 60

Percentage change over the previous 33 years: +500

Estimated percentage of profiles containing the description “fun-loving”: 80

Estimated percentage of people who do not actually love fun: 0

Estimated percentage of single people in Los Angeles who both work and play hard: 85

Estimated number of times I rewrote my profile: 7

Estimated number of times I wore the same dress on first dates: 28

Estimated number of times I switched my own “body type” check box: 12

Estimated number of martinis consumed on first dates: 76

Estimated number of months it took me to realize a first date should be coffee: 11

Percentage of men I met who self-identified as writers: 26

Chances that someone from this group actually made money writing: 1 in 4

Percentage of men who outrageously lied about their height: 8

Percentage of men who slightly bent the truth about their height: 20

Approximate percentage of men who were allergic to my cat: 95

Age of youngest person I went out with: 22

Age of oldest person I went out with: 50

Range, in years, between them: 28 (yikes)

Number of men who disappeared after our first date: 7

Number of times I disappeared after a first date: 3

Chances that I was told I was better-looking in person than in my photos: 1 in 3

Chances that I was told I didn’t look like my photos, but not specifically better-looking in person: 1 in 5

Estimated number of times I swore off online dating: 5

Estimated number of friends I convinced to try online dating: 8

Number of men I met who became my Facebook friends: 10

Number who are still my Facebook friends: 7

Number who are still my actual friends: 5

Chances that the first email I received from someone was to ask for tips on getting a job in advertising: 1 in 4

Number of times I was pitched an idea for a commercial in an email: 15+

Estimated number of times I was pitched an idea for a commercial on a date: 5

Number of times I was told I look like Peggy Olsen (I don’t): 1

Number of months it took me to remove all references to my job from my profile: 11

Number of first dates resulting in trips to the E.R.: 1

Number of first dates resulting in receiving an offer for a discount on a weight loss seminar: 1

Number of first dates resulting in the realization that my date was actually crazy: 1

Number of times I thought maybe this was it, but it wasn’t it: 3

Number of first dates it took before meeting the right one: 39

Number of times we flaked out on each other before we actually met: 3

Time, in months, that passed between our initial contact and first meeting: 9

Time, in months, that we have now been happily living together: 9

Likelihood, in percent, that I will tell you online dating is the best thing ever: 100