We suppose it's inevitable that as a politician with a last name like Beavers, you'd spend a lot of time being forced to think about sex, due to mean-spirited people on the Internet. But sometimes it really does seem like Mt. Juliet state Sen. Mae Beavers must have the hormones of a 13-year-old boy, because sex would appear to be the only thing on her mind.

First there were the "porn is a public health issue" resolutions, last year and again this year. And now it's a return of an unconstitutional "bathroom bill" that businesses hate and Gov. Bill Haslam will veto if it somehow passes, the "Tennessee Natural Marriage Defense Act," which would force the state to defend the also unconstitutional stance that marriage is solely between a man and a woman, and a "personhood" bill, defining life as beginning at fertilization. Seriously, what has so traumatized this woman that she so can't stand the thought of non-procreative, non-heterosexual sex that she feels the need to run bills that will lose in court, over and over again, Trump presidency or not?

Anyway, the bathroom bill (SB 771/HB 888) says that:

Public schools shall require that a student use student restroom and locker room facilities that are assigned for use by persons of the same sex as the sex indicated on the student's original birth certificate. ... Public institutions of higher education shall require that a student use the restroom and locker room facilities that are assigned for use by persons of the same sex as the sex indicated on the student's original birth certificate.

Should we break it to Beavers that a lot of college dorms have unisex bathrooms? Or if it's a single-sex dorm, which the bill does not address, is she going to force a trans woman to use the showers in a different dorm? Or would a trans woman be forced to live in an all-male dorm? Would this apply to sororities and fraternities too? (Admittedly, not the most inclusive of institutions, but those liberal millennial kids are always surprising.)

The marriage bill is even more ludicrous, as this issue was already decided by the U.S. Supreme Court, as Trump has said he has no desire to re-litigate it, and as being on the losing side of that case cost Tennessee $2 million in legal fees. Oh, and when this bill was introduced last session, the fiscal note attached was $8.5 billion, and no, that is not a typo.

But it is rich — and by that we mean there should really be a law against it — for the legislation to cite Martin Luther King, Jr., as justification for discrimination against gay couples:

WHEREAS, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., in his famous “Letter from a Birmingham Jail” stated, “How does one determine whether a law is just or unjust? A just law is a man-made code that squares with the moral law or the law of God. An unjust law is a code that is out of harmony with the moral law”

(The bill also cites the dissents of Justices Scalia and Thomas in Obergfell, John Locke, the Dred Scott decision, and calls Roe v. Wade "lawless" — it's a mess, and whomever wrote it apparently has very little understanding of constitutional law.)

Yet, somehow, the "Sanctity of Human Life Act" — a "personhood" bill, one of which has never become legal in any state and which would almost certainly be immediately struck down by the courts if it did — is somehow the most offensive. It reads, in part:

The life of each human being begins with fertilization, cloning, or its functional equivalent, irrespective of sex, health, function or disability, defect, stage of biological development, or condition of dependency, at which time every human being shall have all the legal and constitutional attributes and privileges of personhood

Facts are hard for some Republicans these days, but here are some facts: A fertilized egg that may self-miscarry due to no fault of the woman containing it is not a person. An egg fertilized in a lab, whether for IVF or scientific purposes, is not a person. A zygote is not "a new, unique human being," as the bill states. It is a group of cells that may or may not eventually develop into a person.

The good news is the marriage bill and personhood bills are almost certain to die in committee. The bathroom bill is less certain to die, but businesses — and their lobbyists — will most certainly sway some legislators who might be personally terrified by a trans threat but even more terrified by a future lack of PAC donations.

The bad news is that the bills are all cosponsored by Lebanon Rep. Mark Pody, who's rumored to be planning a run for Beavers' seat in 2018 — she's told people she will be retiring (but she's also said this before). Also planning to run: Rep. Susan Lynn, who sponsored last year's bathroom bill. Which means even if Beavers leaves, a similar version of her will likely still be representing that district. Which means we get to look forward to this nonsense for years to come.

In any case, you can let both Beavers and Pody what you think about their bills tonight, Thurs., Feb. 9, in person at Mt. Juliet City Hall at 6:30 p.m. — they're co-hosting a town hall.