Monday, November 10, 2008

A definition of sin is doing what is wrong or not doing what is right according to God's rules (1 John 3:4). If God says "Do not lie" and you lie, then you have sinned. If God says "Do not steal" and you steal, then you have sinned. According to God, sin separates you from Him (Isaiah 59:2).

I want my children to have a positive view of human nature

If you teach a generation of children that they are sinful creatures by nature, that left on their own they are morally corrupt, deserving of eternal torment in Hell, that they are not to be trusted to think their own (selfish, evil) thoughts, all of this can become - has become - a self-fulfilling prophecy. Whole segments of hte population grow up with a negative self-image, thinking they really area rotten, in need of a savior or father figure. They are told they are "bad", so they act like it.



I want my children to understand that people are different and that's okay

I want my children to understand that making a poor decision does not make you a bad person

I want my children's decisions to be guided by reason, openness, and love, not a dictated closed set of values

Along with the usual secular values (such as appropriate tolerance/intolerance, morality, critical thinking, appreciation for reason and science), don't forget to impart social graces, playfulness and humor.

We have made a careful and important decision to raise our children without religion. There are many many reasons for this, but I want to focus on one of them in my post today:. According to All About God Christian teachings talk about the seven deadly sins (lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride), the Ten Commandments (which you must follow or you have sinned) and other sins that come out of the apparent word of God (e.g. homosexuality ).I reject the concept of sin and I will not teach my children about sin. Here is why...I mentioned in another post that I am reading Parenting Beyond Belief . I generally read one essay each time my kids are in the bath. I get to do a bit of reading while keeping an eye on them as they play in the bubbles. The essay that I was reading yesterday by Dan Barker talked about the pessimistic view of human nature that many religions have:I will not teach my children that we are all sinners. I will teach them that people are generally good. That they want to be nice and do nice things. That they will help you if you ask. If my kids see this as the rule and see not so nice behaviour as the exception, then hopefully peer pressure will help turn them into good people. I want them to think it is natural to be nice to others.The problem with the concept of sin, which is one that is used in many religions, is that each religion has its own list of sins and while there are some common veins across all of them, there are also huge differences. I certainly have values that I want to pass on to my children, but I want them to understand that those are my values, those are not THE right values. Other people believe other things and value other things and that is fine. I would be okay with other people talking about sin if they only applied it to their own lives and didn't project it onto others.When one person or group of people project their values onto others and tell them that they are right or wrong as a result, or even worse, they are going to hell, I think that creates a dysfunctional society and is what leads to some of the horrid wars we have seen over the years.Let me tell you the story of Mikey's lunch. Mikey was a 6 year old kid at a day camp that I worked at. Most of the kids there were Jewish, but it was not a religious camp. Mikey was of italian descent and came to camp one day with a slice of pepperoni pizza. One of the boys in his group saw his pizza and told him he couldn't eat it because it wasn't kosher. He brushed it off, until another and yet another little boy in the group chimed in and agreed. And then they came up with lots of grand ideas about what would happen to him if he ate that piece of pizza, no doubt things mentioned to them by their parents or religious leaders. So Mikey cried and cried. He cried because he was hungry. He cried because he was embarrassed. He cried because he didn't understand why his mother wanted to poison him. But there was nothing wrong with Mikey's pizza. Mikey was Catholic, so he can eat pepperoni pizza.Personally, I reject many of the things that Christians call sins. I think pride in your own accomplishments is important. I believe that sexual orientation is defined by nature and that some people are heterosexual, some are homosexual and some are somewhere in between and none of them are better than the other. I enjoy being slothful sometimes and don't feel guilty about it. I think white lies are fine in some circumstances and just part of common courtesy. I covet, yes I covet, and it helps motivate me! My values are different from the values that many Christians or Jews or Muslims have chosen. I'm okay with that as long as they don't tell me or anyone else that they are wrong for being different.We're all different, and that's okay.In the same essay I quoted above, Barker goes on to explain that it is better to tell children that they are okay the way they are. This is a concept that is emphasized over and over again in Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting . He explains that children need to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. I know that Christians say that God loves everyone unconditionally, but when he calls them "sinners" it is certainly a different message that gets conveyed. Kohn explains in his book that if you tell your child that you love him unconditionally, but then tell him he is bad for doing X, Y or Z, you are sending a mixed message.Sure, there are consequences of poor decisions. And we need to live with those consequences. As Warren Buffet said: "It takes 20 years to build a reputation & five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you'll do things differently." This is what I want my children to think about when making decisions, not the threat of going to hell if they make a bad choice and also not the idea that they can make that bad decision go away by looking for salvation. There are real consequences in real life and we need to live with those.I also know that sometimes good things come out of decisions that can be considered sins. Committing adultery is detrimental to a relationship. The consequence is that people can get hurt and the marriage may split up. However, I don't think it makes someone a bad person and sometimes good things come out of adultery. I was struck by this when listening to Kellylee Evans speak on the CBC on Ottawa Morning on November 7 . She mentioned that she and her brother are 3 months apart in age, that they are from different mothers because her father was "bad". She says that she explores the concepts of good and bad a lot on her new CD ("Good Girl") that is being released early next year because good things sometimes come out of bad things and she wouldn't have been born if her father wasn't "bad". Anyone that has listened to her music cannot deny that she is a good thing.I respect everyone's right to pass on the values that they think are important to their children. But as soon as they start saying that something is bad or sinful for everyone, versus just being wrong for their family, then I think this starts to create barriers.So if I'm not going to teach my children about sin, what am I going to do? Here I'll quote another essay from Parenting Beyond Belief, this time by Emily Rosa:I think this makes more sense than expecting them to be guided by a list of rules that was created a very long time ago. I mean if I was going to create such a list, I would at least update it from time to time. Shouldn't it be a sin not to recycle or to waste energy, for example? Okay, so maybe an abstract interpretation of the seven deadly sins could be applied there, but really I'd rather my kids act out of logical reasoning rather than following a list of rules.I also want my children to be open and tolerant . I want them to embrace peoples' differences. I want them to get to know people from different cultures, different religions, different sexual orientations, different socio-economic groups, and and son on. And I don't want my children to pass judgment on the others or to have judgment passed on them.Finally, I want my children to act out of love. I want them to be empathetic towards others . I want them to treat people well because they care about those people and do not want to hurt them, not because they are commanded to do onto others as you would have them do onto you.