By Michael Harriot

Dear White dudes,

I know you’re mad.

You should be mad. In fact, Most of us Black people agree with almost everything you’re mad about. You’re frustrated about the lack of jobs. You’re upset about the crime in America. You’re angry about the state of education in America. You’re enraged about how the economy has collapsed. Immigration policies. Terrorism. Politics. They are all in disarray and have left America a shadow of what it used to be.

I even understand why your legion of neo-nazi skinheads have decided to toss aside their Doc Martens and swastika armbands in favor of respectability politics and give themselves new monikers like the “Alternative right,” or “racial realists.” I even agree with their basic premise–that statistics, numbers and history show that certain races are ruining America and we need to take an honest look and recognize that certain groups of people are contributing to the destruction of “Murica” and it’s values.

That’s why I’m writing you–because I agree with you. I have tried to fight against your basic premise for too long, but I am now willing to admit that you have been right all along. I am taking your side. I am joining the “racial realist” movement. After looking at the mountain of evidence I can’t even make a case against your argument. I am ready to point my finger at the people who have been a bane to America’s existence for far too many years. I’ll state it plainly and clearly:

White people, stop ruining our country.

I know it sounds harsh, but someone had to say it. If we are going to make America great again, we have to eschew political correctness and state the obvious.

Like the Alt-right consistently says, lets just look at the corporate fat cats who have taken the American economy hostage. 91% of CEOs at Fortune 500 companies are white males. Of the 30 Dow companies that drive stock market indicators, only 2 are Black. Economist routinely show how the housing market and the Big Banks ruined the American economy in the early 2000’s, forcing us regular Americans to bail them out. None of those financial institutions that played a game of Monopoly with the U.S. economy were headed by minorities. The next time you take a look at your 401(k), make sure you shake your fists at the people who did this to us: The white boys.

It’s probably their “gimme culture.” You know how “they” are–always looking for a handout. Like when those caucasian con ment knocked on our doors like crackheads in the middle of the night begging for a few dollars to bail out the auto industry. You know they love their welfare like they are standing in line to get free government cheese. By the way, don’t let me forget to mention that one-and-a-half times more white people get receive food stamps than Black people. If we could just figure out a way to stop them from sucking us dry, we might not be in so much debt. I know, I know. If that lying-ass white dude hadn’t fooled the 98% White group of Senators into taking 2 trillion dollars and making it rain in Iraq, we might be alright, but you know what they say: Hindsight is 20/20.

One of the ways we can help our economy is by stopping all these illegal immigrants from coming into the country taking our jobs. We both probably missed all the white people crying about wanting jobs that pay less than minimum wage, but I think we have to attack the root of the problem–The white guys who take advantage of the system and hire them. If we could stop this from happening, we wouldn’t even have to worry about building a mythical wall that will somehow is unclimbable by ladders or ropes. Solving immigration is probably a better idea that keeping out Muslims too. You know how violent “those people” can be with their predilection to terrorism. It’s in their culture. And by “those people” I mean the White supremacists and anti-government forces who have killed twice as many Americans as Muslims since the 9/11 attacks.

Also, if we are going to talk about Making America Great, we can’t leave out White-on-White crime, because in 2012 White boys are responsible for 69% of all crime in America, including 84% of the crime against Whites, twice as many rapes, and most of the gang murders. Aside from fueling America’s growing meth and prescription drug epidemic, (79% of which are white), you are more willing to try marijuana, hallucinogens, Oxycontin, and even heroin. America can’t be great if she is high all day. Y’all need to calm your asses down.

I know it sounds like I’m hating, but I just want to make this country into what it once was (although I’m not sure of the exact dates. Is that before you guys exterminated the Native Americans, or during the two centuries when you kidnapped ant tortured Africans, or the years when you disenfranchised Black people as citizens? …But I digress). Maybe we should just focus on Politics, because I know you’re angry about the Black guy who ruined America as President, although for the life of me I can’t figure out why. Is it because he didn’t handle the two backbreaking wars that the previous White guys started? Is it because he can’t get any laws passed through the Congress that is 80% White and 80% male? Maybe you should concentrate on the politics that affect you most–State laws, which are run by a group of governors who are 96% White.

America is falling apart at the seams. There are so many things wrong with this country it would be impossible to name them all even though we so desperately need someone to blame. Is this why most white men are voting for Donald Trump? Maybe we should get together and come to a consensus that it is a combination of people. Maybe it is the 95% of White heads of the major music companies who decide which music will be released. Perhaps it is the country’s colleges and Universities, whose typical President is a 61 year-old white male. It might be because of the 46 State Education superintendents who are Caucasian. The 7/8ths White Supreme court? The 22 of 23 White Hollywood executives who decide what is put on TV or film? Pick one.

I have to admit that I’m not very optimistic. Even though I fundamentally agree that we need to focus on the group of people who are actually ruining America, I have to squint to see any group of people holding the reins that actually guide America other than the privileged class of White men. The only other plausible explanation I could come up with is that the YouTube conspiracy theorists are right: Jay Z and Beyoncé have taken control of the Illuminati and are destroying America by putting secret messages in hip hop songs. But then I remembered what Hov once said:

Women Lie.

Men Lie.

Numbers don’t.

Sincerely,

Us