TheresNeverEnoughCheese Wed 13-Nov-19 16:15:40

I don't really have anyone to speak to in real life about this so I thought I would try posting here to see if anyone has been in my situation before or could just offer some kinds words to cheer me up a bit.

DP and I both live outside the UK, in a country where neither of us grew up in or have any family. We have been together for 5 years and have a 6 month old son. While I was pregnant it came to my attention that DP is married. DP is from a country where arranged marriage (and multiple wives) is still a thing and his wife lives there (he normally visits once per year).



After I found out about the wife I didn't say anything to him and I tried to ignore it as I was scared of having the baby alone in a country where I don't speak the language fluently and I felt I needed his support. A few days after the birth he broke down and confessed about the wife and said he couldn't lie to me anymore. It turns out it is a marriage to a distant cousin that was arranged by his parents long before he met me. At the time he wasn't seeing anyone and went along with it to please his parents and maintain a connection to his culture.



With a newborn baby and no family or friends to turn to for support I decided against ending the relationship as I didn't know how I would cope on my own and DP insisted that he wants to be with me. DP really stepped up after the birth, took on all the cooking and cleaning and DIY without being asked and is a great dad to our son and I'm really grateful of his support. However, now the baby is 6 months old I feel a lot more able to go it alone than I did before and have ended the relationship. After a conversation about the sistuation it became clear that DP has no desire to do anything about it and has decided he will not "choose between us" although if one of us wants to leave him he will accept it. The wife has known about me and the baby for a couple of months but has decided that for now she will not file for divorce.



I'm hoping that he will continue to be a good dad and play a part in our son's life but I am absolutely terrified of being a single mother with no support and I'm wondering how I'm going to cope on my own. Any words of advice for a newly single mother?