Who first put it out there that Paul Walker was likely killed by a drone strike? I think we may have found out. It looks like it came from a guy who, as it turns out, is an archenemy of Alex Jones, perhaps because when it comes to being a batshit-crazy paranoiac he makes Jones look like the benchwarmer for the Our Lady of Perpetual Help girls basketball team to his D-Wade.

Yesterday, Cesca threw together a quick post on a conspiracy theory that was apparently too crazy even for Alex Jones. The theory: that Paul Walker's car had been destroyed not by a head-on collision with a tree but by a drone strike. On Monday while writing about Walker's death I jokingly alluded to the possible existence of Paul Walker Truthers, given that there are still those who believe it was out of the question that Michael Hastings plowed his car into a tree and died in the resulting fireball and that he must have been killed by the government. When Bob contacted me about the Alex Jones story before publishing it yesterday, I of course took the joke even further and sent him back an e-mail tying Walker's role in the Fast & the Furious franchise to the "Fast & Furious" gun-running program, which I said obviously proved foul play at the hands of the Obama administration.

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Connect the dots, man! Don't you see?

While I was only kidding and Cesca noted that Alex Jones's own site, InfoWars, had drawn a "line in the tin-foil" and debunked any kind of Walker-Drone conspiracy theory, it won't surprise you to learn that there really was a Walker Truther movement in its incipient stages out there in the internet wasteland. It was one that obviously needed to be put down by the professional whack-jobs at InfoWars before it gained any traction on the amateur tour, hence Jones's quick "debunking." So where did it come from? Who first put it out there that Paul Walker was likely killed by a drone strike (and I dare you to try to read that sentence again without laughing)? I think we may have found out. It looks like it came from a guy who, as it turns out, is an archenemy of Alex Jones, perhaps because when it comes to being a batshit-crazy paranoiac he makes Jones look like the benchwarmer for the Our Lady of Perpetual Help girls basketball team to his D-Wade.

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His name is David Chase Taylor. And yesterday he posted a lengthy screed titled "10 Reasons Why Paul Walker was Assassinated." I admit that after reading through it -- and then downing a handful of Advil out of necessity -- I spent a good half-hour or so digging around to make sure Taylor was legit. (I mean legit as in he actually meant what he was writing and wasn't simply engaging in Poe's Law-level satire, not that he was saying anything that had any merit whatsoever.) It seems like Taylor's for real. He wrote an e-book called "The Nuclear Bible" which claims that President Obama had planned to detonate a nuclear device at the 2011 Super Bowl in Dallas; he has a website dedicated to nothing but "Trutherism"; he's a regular on the Ron Paul YouTube/podcast circuit; and he's even spent the past couple of years petitioning the Swiss government to grant him asylum as a whistleblower because of course the U.S. government is out to kill him over what he knows. In other words, while he's strictly a farm leaguer in terms of name recognition, he's got the guts and skills to really go far in the game.

Taylor, conveniently, has already branded the murder of Paul Walker by the U.S. government "Walkergate." The thinking behind his conclusion, such as it is, is the usual bukkake of crazy we've come to expect from the conspiracist psych-ward wing of the internet. It's a lot of speculation and Aspergerian dot-connecting gleaned from reading the various -- and varying -- media reports on the crash. In the world of the conspiracy theorist, any oxygen at all is enough to fuel the fires of suspicion, and nothing provides oxygen like the absence of conclusive information. Whereas sane people can appreciate that there's confusion and contradiction in the immediate aftermath of a tragedy, to the people who spend their entire lives trusting nothing they see or hear any inconsistency is proof of treachery.

It's all nonsense not even worth the time it would take to cut-and-paste it here. But what is worth regurgitating wholesale is the all-important reason Taylor asserts for why the Obama administration would want a mid-level ensemble actor dead. Can you guess it? Turns out I could.

Everybody wants to know why the Obama administration would want to assassinate Paul Walker. While I can only theorize, it’s possible that Walker was assassinated in order to highlight Operation Fast and Furious just prior to an unprecedented gun-related massacre in the United States stemming from one or more of the 2,000 assault rifles sold by the ATF (Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms) to Mexican drug cartels. Since Walker’s death, the words “Fast and Furious” have been in the news non-stop and have been subconsciously programming the public in a psychological manner for an impending state-sponsored terror attack that will likely be connected to Operation Fast and Furious. In the aftermath of said terror attack, Obama would likely attempt to ban and confiscate guns in America which would be unfair (since he supplied the guns) and highly anti-American. Suffice to say, the incident would inevitably lead to a second American civil-war over the 2nd Amendment and the right to bear arms.

So, yeah, there's that.

If you're wondering, by the way, why Alex Jones -- a guy who traffics in all manner of fucking specious insanity -- was so quick to snottily dismiss the "Walkergate" theory, it may have something to do with the fact that it came specifically from David Chase Taylor. See, Taylor knows that the way to rise to the top of any syndicate is to take out the current boss -- and right now the boss of Conspiracy Inc® is Alex Jones. Taylor has made a point of regularly assailing Jones, accusing him of actually being a government plant in a kind of Möbius loop of meta-crazy. He says Jones, through his involvement with a Zionist intelligence agency located in Texas -- because, of course when you think Zionist occupation you immediately think Texas -- engineered the assassination of Andrew Breitbart and is, in fact, a kind of human false-flag operation. Yeah, don't bother trying to think about it too much; it'll just make your head hurt like mine does.

Taylor of course has his acolytes, people who think Alex Jones is just a little too establishment. They do things like post comments on any site that mentions Taylor -- next to avatars that feature images from the cover of Blue Oyster Cult's Fire of Unknown Origin record -- asking Jones fans to rearrange the letters in "InfoWars.com" and flip over the "W" to make it an "M." What do you get then? "FRIMASON." And yes, the "I" is for Illuminati, apparently.

Don't you see? It's all there!

And this ends today's lecture on how the internet probably needs to be burned to the ground.