Day 14

I started crying when I left the boxing gym. Despite his mistreatment, why does he feel so right to me? Why do I feel so alone when he is not my life? A wave of grief rushes over me as I think about him with another woman. I just can’t help but to think about the courtship. Does he feel for her at this moment what he felt for me just a few month ago? Is it possible that he thinks of me? I know I am just an interchangeable cog in his ever turning clockwork. How could I possibly feel so deeply about someone who is incapable of feeling anything for me? I am tired today. When I am tired it is difficult to manage the grief and jealousy. Today is one of those days that I really have to keep grounded. I have to remember that his cruelty while familiar is not normal. I have to be my own best friend, as well as my best parent. Would I be happy if my son were in a relationship like this…would I advise him to stay? The answer is NO!

Your Assignment

Be good to yourself. Stay rested. It is ok to grieve your loss. It is ok to allow yourself to let that scary feelings of separation rush over you. Do not run from it, grief is part of the process. It is with the help of a good therapist that I began to understand my grief was deeper than this relationship. I invite you to be your own best friend and best parent. Think about, and perhaps write yourself a letter. Write down what you would advise a friend or your own child to do in this circumstance.