The gay community finds itself torn in a debate over prime time CNN anchors Chris Cuomo and Anderson Cooper, with both sides claiming that their pick is clearly hotter. While both men are indisputably hot, adamant gays continue to push their own opinion on the matter. “Anderson Cooper is obviously more attractive,” said thirty-four year-old Mason Donahue. “The subtle jaw line, the sexy furrowing of his eyebrows—with or without glasses on. And that white hair…” he added with a lustful shiver. Although Anderson Cooper has been a gay icon since the nineties, that doesn’t automatically give him the bid as hottest prime time lib. In fact, many gay men like the thrill of a ‘straight’ Chris Cuomo. “I want Chris Cuomo to be my daddy,” nineteen-year-old Andre Jones told Sleeping Sardines, making everyone slightly uncomfortable. “I mean can you imagine, that body? I know he has coronavirus, but I’d take my chances!” he added, having been ignoring social distancing orders for the past month. While many straight Americans may find the dispute obnoxious, it is simply further proof (as if we needed anymore) that straight people are almost insufferably boring.