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OK, maybe not. "Safe Space Suit" (seriously, that's what they titled it) by Nick Cole is about a Mars colonization mission that goes horribly wrong because its obsessively PC mission director insists on hiring a black lesbian as the spacecraft's pilot. This is a mistake because said lesbian, Captain Jemison, "was rated at the lowest percentile of pilots applying to the mission."

Thus the ship crashes on Mars, killing almost everyone onboard. As it turns out, everyone who played a vital role in the mission was some form of affirmative action hire, right up to the president, who was elected "on the basis of his skin color." This entire story has all the subtlety of an ethnic slur being yelled out of a truck window.

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The Fear:

Affirmative action is one of the biggest boogeymen of the right. To their mind, society is crumbling because organizations insist on hiring people due to quotas on things like race, gender, and sexuality, and clearly that means hiring people who'll just steer our shit right off a cliff. Stefan Molyneux, a right-wing commentator and accused cult leader, warns of nonwhite immigrants being hired in Europe: "You cannot run a high IQ society with low IQ people."

"But wait," you might say, "he's implying that nonwhites have lower IQs, that doesn't sound right." Oh, they do more than imply it. Vox "Latin is hard" Day wrote a book titled Cuckservative, in which he attempts to prove that intelligence is in fact inextricably linked to race. Day posits that suggesting otherwise is akin to believing "mice are just as strong as elephants, amoebas just as intelligent as dolphins, and that only speciesist oppression prevents them all from flying just as well as eagles."

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But remember the rule isn't just that the best jobs should be reserved for white people -- it's white men. Self-styled "intellectual rebel" David Garrett Brown has written multiple articles for the male supremacist website Return of Kings about how letting women be firefighters will get people killed, presumably because he thinks estrogen is flammable. And Lauren Southern, current conservative celebrity, recently wrapped up a world tour trying to discourage women from becoming CEOs because they "aren't wired" to be in positions of influence. Unlike, uh, Lauren Southern, I guess.