G20 Threatened!

Local Anarchist Boycott Plan

to embarrass Police!

Authorities today were aghast to learn of a local Anarchist plot

to seriously disrupt the security arrangements

for the long-anticipated “G20 Face Off”.

The Courier Mail can reveal that the Police have received emailed threats from a coalition of shadowy Anarchist groups, threatening to boycott the whole G-20 event.

“Suck on it Corporate-Military Complex!”

the email read in part,

“We’re not even going to turn up to picket

the Opening Ceremonies! You are powerless against our apathy!

Campbell Newman be warned! We’re Not Coming!“

Few senior figures in the Police Force

we’re willing to talk publicly about the possibility

that the programmed riots, carefully scheduled to provide

a newsworthy backdrop for the High-Level diplomats

and politicians attending the gala affair,

may not go ahead as planned, but

the rank and file were more vocal.

“It’s just not fair,” a senior constable complained,

“We’ve put months of training and preparation into this.

The boys in the Tactical Response Team are heartbroken..

and we’ve just sewn our new sponsors logos onto our uniforms!”

“This is the sort of cowardly tactic you’d expect from Anarchists.

Lazy Bastards! They have no respect for the Program!

Shit, we’ve put in for all this over-time and now I hear that

they’ve said they’re just going fishing instead!“

An anonymous dog-handler elaborated further;

“The sponsors will be furious

..we’ve got a big cross promotional deal with a major US

maker of body armour on the line here.

Furthermore, the armour would be made by

our very own Prisoners in Private Prisons

right here in Queensland!

So it’s local jobs that are on the line.. well, prison jobs anyway, which is better

than nothing if they really want a job.

That’s the problem with kids today..they just don’t want

to go to jail and learn a trade. Little Bludgers.”

“I even feel sorry for the Courier Mail Journo’s.

There they are, whipping up fear and anxiety

day after day for months on end, and

now it looks like all their effort has been for nothing.“

*

Rumours are flying that the Authorities, despite their vow

“Never to negotiate with terrorists” are so desperate

to see that the spectacular G-20 Disruptions

continue as planned that they are now offering

to “even the odds” for the Anarchists

by providing them with weapons and body armour to “sweeten the deal” and thus encourage their participation.

The idea has found support among the police rank and file..

“You can give ’em a fukin’ tank as long as

the G20 Biff-Up can continue as planned!” one Detective,

clearly tired and emotional, declaimed in the public bar

of the historic Pineapple Hotel,

“We’ll still wipe the floor with them! Those Anarchists can’t shoot for shit,

and all that Veganism and hippie non-violence crap they’re into

has really sapped their “Will to Riot” and their drive

to Smash the State!

It’s classic “amotivational syndrome”..I’ve seen it before

in pot-heads. They just lose interest in their old past-times“

Speaking from a small dinghy somewhere to the West of Tasmania,

the ALP’s hereditary Figurehead,

Bill Shorten, demanded the Prime Minister promise

that 245 Visa‘s would not be used to fly-in foreign agitators

to demonstrate for the G20.

When asked for comment on this issue, the Prime Minister prevaricated;

“Look..ah.. we’d love to use all local Anarchists at the G20 riots.

But they just don’t have the skills,

the training, or, ahh.. indeed the willingness

to move to other areas in order to bring down the State.”

“Now, ahh.. Resorting to fly-in/ fly-out anarchists is not our preferred option..

not our preferred option by a long shot, but.. our international reputation

is on the line here, and I’m sure that Mr Newman

and the ar, appropriate Queensland Authorities will do

everything necessary to ensure the G20 Riots occur as planned

and are the great success

we all hope they will be.“

Meanwhile, in the latest serious development to this affair,

it has been discovered that no-one is answering the phone

at the secret Anarchist Head Quarters located deep in shadowy

Musgrave Park.

The recorded voice-message plays only what appears

to be the soundtrack of Hyena’s eating an Antelope.

Sunday Sermons will keep you informed

as furthur news breaks..

Stay Tuned!

*************************************************

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***

***

The Reverend Hellfire is a practicing Performance Poet,

the President of the Kurilpa Institute of Creativity

and an ordained Minister of both

the Church of Spiritual Humanism

AND the Church of the Universe.

“To not march to the beat

of any drum at all..

that is the hardest thing.”

***

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Tags: alternate realities, anarchist plots, anarchist threatto G20, anarchy, Authorities, Campbell Newman, fantasy, freedom, G20, humour, poetry, politics, protests, Pussy Riot, rants, satire, stories