French rugby star Mathieu Bastareaud has written an autobiography that outlines what happened on the night of June 20, 2009, in Wellington, as well as his battle with alcohol and depression.

A French rugby player who lied about being attacked and beaten by a group of men in Wellington has written a tell-all book revealing more details about the night.

Mathieu Bastareaud claimed that, during the French tour of New Zealand in 2009, he was bashed by five Maori or Pacific Islanders in central Wellington on June 20, after the second test at Westpac Stadium.

However, police told the French team, via the New Zealand Rugby Union, of evidence that contradicted his story, including CCTV footage of him entering his hotel on Featherston St uninjured.

Only then did Bastareaud, who was 20 at the time, admit he had lied. Instead, he had injured his head on a table at the hotel after drinking too much.

The Toulon centre writes about the incident in his autobiography Head High: Confessions of an enfant terrible of rugby, in which he also chronicles his battle with alcohol and depression.

He went out drinking after France's 14-10 loss to the All Blacks, and returned to his room "in a not very glorious state", he writes.

"Then, wanting to take off my clothes, I lose my balance. I stagger and, awkwardly, I collapse on the floor with all my weight. In my fall, I smash the room's night table.

"The shock is terrible. I bleed a bit. It hurts. My left cheekbone is exploded. But overall, I panic."

He was young and did not want to ruin his burgeoning career, so he found teammate Alexis Palisson and they woke their team doctor to stitch his wounds.

"He asked me how I [got] this injury. I should have confessed I was drunk, but I'm not proud of my behaviour and I am afraid to face sanctions. I am a coward.

"So, instead of telling the truth and trusting management, I am going to develop a lie that will have heavy consequences."

He felt very guilty about lying, but had gone too far with it to turn back.

"I'm not proud of myself. I have been dishonest, I lied, I betrayed guys."

When he returned to France, Bastareaud – who suffered from bulimia as a child – began to drink heavily, became depressed and tried to commit suicide, after seeing a website on which anonymous people criticised him.

"I jumped up and walked to the kitchen. I took a big knife and slit my veins. I immediately collapsed on the floor, fainting.

"My friends in the living room got it immediately. They saw the knife, the blood, and me lying on the floor, unconscious. They called emergency services immediately."

He was kept in hospital with severe psychological troubles.

"I don't know if I really wanted to die. I wanted to suffer. Suffer to punish myself," he writes.

"When you hear everywhere all day long that you are just a loser, that you don't deserve to be there ... You try to keep a cool attitude but you begin to believe what people say ... I smiled in public but, as soon as I came back home, I was alone."

His scars are now hidden beneath numerous tattoos.

With the help of a psychologist, his mental health has improved and he is training with the French team preparing for the Rugby World Cup in England in September.



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