SPEAK UP It's ok to take a break, it's ok to speak up - Abhinav Mukund Abhinav Mukund Share Tweet

Abhinav Mukund has played 7 Tests for India ©Getty

Shabash! Shabash!

Let's play with intensity. Take it one ball at a time. Let's fight hard!

These are things a cricketer commonly hears as he, she or their team push to maximize their potential on the field.

You know you've practised to the best of your abilities, ticked every box there is to tick, you go into the middle desperate for runs, but they seem to evade you.

Are you unfit? Struggling with technique? Do you need more practice?

Maybe there's more to it?

Lately, there is a lot of talk about the social stigma around mental health. So here I am, giving my two cents about it from my own experiences.

The four men that have spoken about it: -

A quintessential bad boy who bats both hands, bowls a bit, is a gun fielder and plays the sport as if he was born to do this. The Indian skipper who spoke about "the end of the world" feeling after falling into a rare rut, probably the only time in recent memory when he hasn't been toying with bowlers around the world. The other two probably lesser-known cricketers, who I must admit, are extremely brave considering both were up for a Test call-up. There is no doubting the effect of a mental toll on anybody, be it a superstar or an upcoming cricketer trying to make the grade.

Reflecting back, I realise I have felt the same multiple times through my career.

Back in 2011, I was at the top of my game, scoring hundreds for fun. But out of nowhere I was dropped from the national team, continued scoring runs for the state and yet was questioned at the state level. Eventually, the runs dried up and just 18 months from playing Test cricket for the country I was dropped from the state side. Every single journalist, coach and mentor who wanted a piece of me when I was doing well, simply absconded from my life in search of the next, new, big happening thing.

So what did I decide to do? I plunged myself back into the only thing I know, which is to continue playing, albeit I was failing miserably which made me even unhappier in the bargain.

The IPL auctions came and went and to hide my embarrassment of not getting picked, I ran away to play club cricket in England. Yes, club not County Cricket. I was a far-fetched version of myself. Mind you, I was still averaging 50 in first-class cricket. I couldn't get a gig playing for any of the 30-odd counties, including the minor ones, so I settled to play league cricket. In my hope of playing for the county someday, I would head over to the local county's matches whenever they played at home, just to be their 12th man (literally carrying drinks and gloves). I did this for GBP 30 a day just so that at the end of the day the coach would throw an hour's worth of balls to me in the nets. That was their bargain. Just a couple of years prior, I was with the national team playing against their country. But here I was today, carrying drinks to players who had half the amount of runs I'd managed. And I was all of 24. This was the last straw.

Things had just gone so downhill that at this point, I felt: 'What's the worst that could happen?' Lucky for me, I didn't resort to drugs or alcohol, nor did I have any suicidal or self-destructive tendencies.

Four months away from India helped me gain a new perspective to life. A part of me broke free from the resonating pressure of making it to the state or the national side. I returned home to play a pre-season tournament for my state that I ended up single-handedly winning for the team. So what had changed? Was I rejuvenated? Did I change my technique miraculously overnight? NO. I simply had nothing more to lose. I was delighted to be back - just playing and doing what I know best.

Not many of us in our country have the luxury of taking a break from our daily jobs. We used to live in a generation where people would ask us to go for a run or sweat it out to remedy a fever. We would push ourselves more and more just to feel quick-sanded.

I've wondered, 'How could mental health be taken seriously?' But today, a conversation has sparked and we can't afford to take it lightly anymore. I agree, there is no compensation or respite for people wanting to take a break. There have been scenarios where people would fake injuries to not participate in a game. For all we know, it could have been a mental health issue. I hope this changes soon.

To my fellow sportspersons, I say, be honest to yourself. Try fighting it, try going back to why you started doing this in the first place, try to be resilient. But if all else fails and your conscience knows you cannot take it anymore, take a break. It's ok to do so. I didn't do it willingly but it helped me. I didn't have the guts to come out and say so, mostly because I thought nobody cared. This is why less than 10% of people suffering from mental health conditions have come out and the rest just carry on lugging heavy baggages along in today's world. Open up, don't worry about what other people might think of you or what would happen to your career. Trust me, the sooner you are happier about doing what you do, the faster the road to success opens up.

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