‘At least our guy didn’t face-fuck a dead pig’ insists Labour

The Labour party were in good humour this morning following allegations the Prime Minister stuck his knob in the mouth of a dead animal.

Revelations in a new biography this morning suggest that Prime Minister David Cameron shoved his posh cock into the orifice of a deceased swine in order to gain access to some kind of club at Oxford University.

“Brilliant, obviously” beamed labour spokesperson, Martin Yates.

“It makes that whole bacon sandwich thing look like a piss in the river. Couldn’t have asked for a better start to the week.”

“We’re already very drunk indeed.”

“But at least Cameron had the spine to sing the anthem” sputtered Simon Williams, 63.

“Jeremy Corbyn may not have buggered the facial features of a former sentient being, but he still refused to sing a song for a bit, which is definitely worse, in my book.”

“Would you like to read my book? It’s surprisingly harrowing.”

It is not known whether or not the allegations against the Prime Minister are in fact true.

“But then neither was half the shite we printed about Corbyn” argued tabloid bastard, Andy McShit, “and nobody had an issue with that. We need to have some balance somewhere.”

“Plus, do you have any idea how brilliant it is to type the sentence ‘The Prime Minister of Great Britain shagged a pig in the mouth’? It’s like Christmas come early, say to speak.”

Jeremy Corbyn was unavailable for comment on the matter this morning, as he is apparently very busy “ordering a shitload of bacon and baby wipes to be sent to Ten Downing Street”.

T-shirt – Things David Cameron has f*cked