Gwen Stefani, the singer, songwriter and performer, was arrested this morning for allegedly draining the life force from dozens of teenagers.

According to police, Stefani first aroused suspicion after many years of “looking simply fabulous,” but it wasn’t until witnesses and victims began coming forward with evidence that authorities had actionable intelligence.

Police were tipped off by occult expert Rupert Giles and his young apprentice, and one of Stefani’s alleged victims, Willow Rosenberg.

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