KINGS 5, PANTHERS 2

FULL DISCLOSURE: Before becoming a contributor to The Royal Half, I wrote a few posts for a Panther-centric blog called Panther Parkway. I applied to write for them when I saw someone retweet a call-to-arms from the site’s captain, one Paige Lewis. Had I ever seen a full Panther’s game? Nope. Had I ever been to Florida? Thankfully, no. I submitted an article on a whim, and simply BLEW Paige away with my journalistic ability (the level of snark in my two posts was minimal, as opposed to here).

That being said, you could refer to the Panthers vs. Kings matchup as the J.V. Siegel bowl, which I think would be appropriate, given my experience in covering both organizations.

I was tweeting for a good portion of the game last night, and reflecting on some of the tweets, I must say that I was on my game. No, I wasn’t drinking heavily, which makes it even more entertaining. The night started off in the afternoon, when I suggested to Paige–who no longer actively writes for Panther Parkway due to mitigating circumstances–that we team-up to do a J.V. Siegel-bowl live chat for TRH. My suggestion was met with an appropriate amount of snark…

Yes, I know how to embed tweets, but Paige’s response is most assuredly NSFW. If you really want to know what we are referring to, you can go ahead and search for “Drew Doughty,” on Talk-Sports.com.

The game started-off appropriately enough, with Las Panteras running the Kings all over the place in the first period. Really, it was a good showing from a team that is really quite fun to watch. I think the problem was that the Kings thought that they were playing the Nottingham Panthers of the Elite Ice Hockey League, which is–of course–ridiculous…

BUT NOT AS RIDICULOUS AS MATT GREENE PLAYING FORWARD! Anze Kopitar played the puck into the Panthers’ zone, and was hassled at the top of the blue line. Greene saw this, and instead of crowding the area with his presence, he headed towards the front of the net, essentially becoming a forward. Brayden McNabb fired a nice shot-pass towards the net, and we all saw fireworks.

Just over five minutes later, Jeff Carter–who proved a little ornery for poor Alex Carter after being named the game’s first star, took a nifty pass from behind the net, and fired it off a Panther defender and passed Roberto Luongo.

At the 14:18 mark of the second period–which still hadn’t ended–Marian Gaborik pushed the puck past Luongo from a scrum in front of the net, in what can truly be described as “cleaning up the trash.”

Seeing that Matt Greene had scored, Robyn Regehr decided that the last eight seconds of the second period was his time to shine, firing a wrister past Luongo, in effect ending the Strombone’s night.

Frankly, the 4-0 lead made me a little uncomfortable…

But not as uncomfortable as The Royal Half is with Marian Gaborik’s facial hair!

I’ll say it. Marian Gaborik’s mustache makes me uncomfortable. — The Royal Half (@theroyalhalf) November 19, 2014

In the third period, following a spirited Panther comeback that prompted my former boss to tweet this…

Hey, Panthers beat Anaheim 6-2 & San Jose 4-1 this week. Beating California teams isn't impossible. Especially one with a mehhhhhh goalie — Paige Lewis (@PaigeLewisFL) November 19, 2014

…it was the captain that iced the game, sliding a puck past backup net-minder–and possessor of perhaps the best hockey name in the NHL–Al Montoya to put the game out of reach.

Shawn Thornton, who still wears and old-as-hell CCM helmet, and is somehow averaging more than 10 minutes of ice time per night, attempted to kill Justin Williams at some point during the third period. As disheveled as Williams appeared, Thornton did APPEAR truly apologetic, while he fumed over the fact that Boston didn’t re-sign him over the offseason.

Brayden McNabb, at some point in the first period, reminded Coach Sutter that he is a Western Hockey League boy, with as much size and grit as he does have gorgeous curls, and earned a whopping 19:39 of ice time! With two assists! He was the game’s third star. Anze Kopitar also finished with two assists, and finished ahead of McNabb as the game’s second star, because he makes more than McNabb does. As mentioned previously, Jeff Carter was the game’s first star, and wasn’t pleased by the fact that Alex Curry attempted to ask him questions when all he wanted to do was…get out of his sweaty hockey gear.

Introducing to the World: Catt Greene

Last night my old, gnarled tomcat, Candy a.k.a The Commander, was sitting on the porch in the other cat’s cat bed (the other cat thinks a folded towel is better, but what does she know?). It was an odd juxtoposition for Candy, considering that he has quietly become the scourge of the neighborhood over the past decade-and-a-half. Does he terrorize other pets? No, except for the neighbor’s punkass cat who repeatedly underestimated the noise that the bell on his collar made every. single. time. he tried to stalk Candy. But he has taken on packs of roving raccoons, possums, neighborhood dogs (including my own, who is vicious towards cats), and a king snake that my neighbor SWEARS he saw in his yard about eight years ago (still skeptical on that one). Candy didn’t have time for the kitten that I found wandering around the elementary school a few years ago (the kitten was subsequently pimped out to a passerby who happened to be in the market for kittens).

I was leaving the house with a few Keystone Lights that said neighbor made me take (see a pattern here?), with Matt Greene’s Goal Face (who will be playing at The Troubadour in a few weeks) fresh in my mind…

…when I observed The Commander observing his kingdom. So I snapped a picture, and tweeted about it.

My 19-year-old outdoor cat, or Matt Greene? pic.twitter.com/ST83WlqEJ5 — John Siegel (@JVNSiegel) November 19, 2014

I thought about it during the night, and my cat Candy looks a lot like Matt Greene would, if he were a cat. Candy isn’t so much afraid of his own shadow (or skittish) as he completely and totally willing to drop the gloves with anything and everything, so they share that in common.

Beverage of the Game

“You know how they say that Coors Light is only brewed at a certain temperature? I bet that Keystone Light is the stuff that accidentally got a little hot, so they bottled it as Keystone and not Coors.”

-My Neighbor, Mike

It tasted remarkably like Coors Light, and reminded me of college.

Song That Got Me Fired-Up to Drink Crappy Beer and Watch Hockey

I’m still proud to say that I saw My Morning Jacket play instead of Eminem when I went to Lollapalooza a few years ago. Great move.