Episcopal Church Reports No Change In Attendance In Recent Weeks

NEW YORK, NY—Most churches have been severely impacted by recent bans on large gatherings, but not the Episcopal Church. Local parishes across the country reported no change in attendance once the ban went into effect.

A report indicated that the Episcopal Church has not been affected by the ban on many people gathering in one place at all, with most churches staying at exactly the same attendance number as before the pandemic.

"Business as usual for us," said Reverend Macy Bryers of St. Mark's Episcopal Church in Ryder Falls, Iowa. "We didn't even know there was a lockdown, to be frank. I was just bringing the message of love and tolerance and Jesus being a good teacher and stuff to the empty pews just like normal. I just tell everyone they don't really need Jesus or the Bible or God -- they just need a positive, can-do attitude and some good, old-fashioned self-esteem."

"By the way, do you have any idea why people don't come to church anymore? It's a total mystery to me."

Some Episcopalians even reported a slight uptick in attendance as they brought in one or two tech people to run a live stream. Their live streams, however, still got zero views.

Babylon Bee subscriber Phil VanKlinken contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here

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