There’s a crisis in musicland and it’s got nothing to do with streaming, lack of venues or Arcade Fire fidget spinners — we’re running out of good band names. Just look at this year’s Warped Tour lineup. Microwave, Hundredth, Lakeshore, Movements, Separations… these are so-so band names that make for terrible search results.

Luckily, help has arrived from an unlikely source.

Letterkenny, Crave TV’s hilarious sociological study of smalltown Ontario’s hicks, skids, jocks and degens, is ripe with potential new band names. The dialogue on the show pops with alternatingly awkward and amazing alliterative allegories, the exact sort of poetics that make for memorable catchphrases and, potentially, even more memorable stage sobriquets.

The dialogue on the show pops with alternatingly awkward and amazing alliterative allegories

Who among us can’t imagine “I Hate The World, I Hate My Parents, I Hate Myself” as a ’00s screamo revivalist act? “Delete Yourself” as confrontational industrial-EDMers optimized for Twitter outrage? “Hipster Dandy” as self-aware cravat ‘n’ mustached Father John Misty surrogates? Or “Hold My Spitter” as cocksure cow-punk hoedown machines? With this in mind we watched and rewatched the six episodes of Letterkenny season three with the goal of extracting the best (and sometimes most peculiar) potential band names from things its characters said on the show. Make sure to let us know if you’re bringing Figure It Out to town any time soon.

Grab your pencil and strap in.

100 Best Band Names Based On Letterkenny Season 3 Dialogue

100) Big Picture, The

99) Shred The Red

98) Get After It

97) I Appreciates This

96) Angie Bo Peepers

95) Smile Your On Camera *

94) Camopudge

93) My Big Fat Thumb

92) Grumpy Blumpy

91) Bad Gas Travels Fast

90) Forecheck Backcheck Paycheque

89) Dallas Buyers Tub

88) Chirping From The Bench

87) Texas Sized Ten-Four

86) Snooters ‘n’ Such

85) Nelly Furtaco

84) Sled Shack

83) Pulls A Pike

82) You’re Not Supposed To Fart In Front Of Girls

81) Selfish Hockey

80) King Kong Coilers

79) Modean’s 2

78) Bundle Of Sass

77) Players Only Meeting

76) Fishin’ In Quebec

75) Battle For Bonnie McMurray, The

74) Notchin’

73) Ice In The Urinals

72) Puppers

71) Sledding Season

70) To Be Fair

69) Two Dollar Cans

68) Inappropriate Farts

67) Pregame Sandos

66) Enter Through The Back Door

65) Too Much Butt Talk

64) Don’t Honk At Girls

63) Fifty Per Cent Mental, Fifty Per Cent Being Mental **

62) Arctic Activities

61) Overcoats And Overshoes

60) Fake Gays To Lure The Degens

59) Junk Hiders

58) Degen Blinds

57) A Sled Is A Snowmobile, A Snowmobile Is A Sled

56) Environmentally Enslaved

55) Isolated And Insulated

54) How’re You Now?

53) Pheasants

52) Losers Live Life Locked In Their Layers

51) WWGD (What Would Gae Do)

50) Penchant For Mischief

49) Mutant Bobblehead Turtleneck

48) Low Bones

47) Operation Gae

46) Sick Ostrich

45) I’m So Fat

44) Beating Your Opponent Mentally

43) Haitian Taco

42) Stuart, Roald, Connor, Gary & Devon ^

41) Allanus Morissette

40) Hipster Dandy

39) Falling Apart On The Inside

38) Stinkbombs Devon

37) Hysterics Are Fruitless

36) Shep & Kingsley

35) Late Night Loitering

34) Jivin’ Pete

33) Billet Sister

32) One More Chore

31) Leg Day

30) My Mom Is Such A Twat

29) Riley: Bush Inspector

28) Bonnie McMurray Hot Tub Party

27) Mailbox Mayhem

26) I’m Gae

25) Snotlicker

24) Professor Tricia

23) Homophobists

22) Chunkmaster Flex

21) Puck Bunny

20) Hold My Spitter

19) Clown Sundown

18) Nice Microns

17) Legend Of The Wind

16) Whoa, Bonnie McMurray

15) Figure It Out

14) Shirttucker

13) Pain Is Inevitable

12) First Girl Phase

11) Cops Are Mushrooms

10) Continental Intercolonial Clown Posse

9) Textbook Dad Noise

8) Warcraft All Over My Manshaft

7) Delete Yourself

6) Hostile Tone

5) Barts, Yorky, Shultzy, Fisky & Boomtown ^

4) I Hate The World, I Hate My Parents, I Hate Myself

3) Smoke Bomb Ninja Dust

2) F.A.K.U. (Freaks Acting Krazy United)

1) Degens From Up Country

* “Your” is intentional

** Stylized as “50/50 Mental” on tees

^ All merch in helvetica font