INGRID DOULTON | Lady Writer | Contact

“What in green Jesus is going on?” she yelled, making her lapsed Catholic mother cringe.

“Are we in lockdown? What the fuck is lockdown? I’ve got a gathering tonight!”

Rachael Slade’s gathering tonight is cancelled. In fact, most of her social engagements are on hold for the time being – much the same as most of the planet.

Today marks the first time in the past 21 days that the 19-year-old has looked up from her phone – causing her to realise the true horror of being trapped inside her parent’s six-bedroom Betoota Grove Tudor revival for the foreseeable future.

“This is fucking bullshit!” she said to her father, Troy.

Troy didn’t hear because Troy was in his home office with Coldplay’s Live 2003 album playing at full-volume in his noise-cancelling headphones.

“Why didn’t anybody tell me?” said Rachael.

But as the true scale of the lockdown because to dawn on her, she simply shrugged and went back to playing with her phone.

More to come.

