What’s this?! Has Real Life Lady finally snapped? Was the most recent hairball in the laundry basket the final straw? It appears we have been sent evidence of what could be a vicious throttling of an innocent little kitty. But why is the oppressed feline taking this assault without struggle? We here at Cat Texts have a theory….

First off, cats are well aware they are the most important thing in the world. If nothing else is clear in life, it is that they are the center of our vast universe. They know that Real Life Lady is psychologically incapable of doing them any real harm, as they are the light that keeps her ship’s course steadfast in the stormy sea of life. Without them, the rocks would crush her hull and send her to the bottom of the murky depths. However, this does not apply to just our Real Life Lady and her masters. Rather, every cat knows the power they hold over our measly race. Just think of a world without cats………… Now stop, because it’s horrifying. The thought of the elderly woman down the street without Spots, Tinkle, Buttons, Muffin, Mr. Sprinkles, Cutie, Methuselah, Lady, Reginald, Captain Fuzzyface, and ol’ One-Eyed Joe to keep her company is unbearable. And they know it. They watch us constantly, scooping up their accumulated refuse from the week and disposing of it, spending our money on food for them, insisting on running our hands through their delightfully soft fur, writing extensive blog posts about pictures of them…..dammit.

But back to the moral of the story. We couldn’t live without them, and so they know that they can lay back, endure the brief discomfort of a hand on their throat, and then go lay a steaming deuce on your pillow in retribution.