Donna Rice Hughes

Opinion contributor

As I watched Wade Robson and James Safechuck accuse pop legend Michael Jackson of sexual abuse in the new documentary “Leaving Neverland,” I found myself believing them. I could recognize my own story, and the story of so many other children, in what they had to say. As these men exposed Jackson's alleged secret world, the more convinced I became that my childhood idol was guilty.

Jackson and I were both born in 1958. At a young age, he captured my heart with his charm, music and dancing. While all the signs of an unusual attraction to young boys were apparent as he reached adulthood, his popularity, likability and shy demeanor provided an effective veil that kept his private life hidden in plain sight. He never had a childhood of his own, many of us reasoned at the time, and used his wealth and fame to provide a fantasy world for children to play, laugh and love.

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Was the Neverland Ranch the perfect setup — a predator’s playground for grooming and sexual abuse to unfold and flourish? As the world looked on and applauded Jackson's generosity, had we become his enablers?

Jackson was formally charged with child molestation in 2003 and, as the long trial commenced, my gut told me that the accusations were likely true. However, when some of the boys in his orbit testified that there was no wrongdoing and Jackson was acquitted of the charges in 2005, I dismissed my discomfort, just like I had done as a 7-year-old girl.

There's a 'Neverland' in every community

I will never forget the elderly couple who lived across the street from my childhood home in Florida — their home was beautiful, surrounded by stunning gardens. It attracted children like me who loved to wander through the endless paths of flowers. It wasn’t Neverland, but a grooming playground all the same.

The biggest draw was the readily available cookies and marshmallows for neighborhood children who visited their home. If the husband was home, his wife encouraged us to sit on his lap to watch TV. After all, he loved kids and they didn’t have children of their own. But once the wife was out of the room, and after I reluctantly sat on his lap to eat my treat, the husband fondled me under my summer dresses.

When I told my parents, they told me not to go over there again unless the wife was home. But she always was, so I did. The lure of sweets kept us neighborhood kids going back. It wasn’t until I had been working for over a decade as an internet safety advocate that my own “aha” moment came.

More than a decade ago, I was preparing to give a speech on protecting children from online predators when the speaker before me, former Miss America 1958, Marilyn Van Derbur, chronicled the horrific incest she suffered at the hands of her own father. Van Derbur explained that abuse could range from child rape to fondling. She then challenged audience members to stand if they had been a victim of child sexual abuse.

My own denial melted away, and I reluctantly stood as tears streamed down my face. It was that moment of public acknowledgement when I realized I, too, was a survivor.

Innocence lost can't be regained

While Jackson’s alleged grooming tactics were more elaborate due to his celebrity status, they followed a typical grooming pattern.

Grooming is a process that can take place on or offline, over short or extended time periods. Children are led to believe that no one else can understand them, relate to their emotions or their situation like the groomer. Flattery, gifts, compliments and manipulation all come into play. The predator might isolate the child by driving a wedge between the child and the parents, thereby deepening the child’s dependence on the predator. Sexually explicit conversations and pornography are often introduced to lower inhibitions, test boundaries and sexualize the child. Blackmail with child pornography is sometimes used to silence the child.

Denial and guilt are part of a shame syndrome that results from the confusing sexualization by the abuser. And when that abuse is not taken seriously by a parent, as in my case, the child minimizes the abuse.

Jackson still has many defenders. Despite Barbra Streisand's callous remark that sex abuse "didn't kill" Jackson's alleged victims (she later backtracked), the invisible wounds of childhood sexual abuse are deep, boundaries are dismantled and a pattern of vulnerability to other forms of sexual exploitation later in life often develops. One thing is certain: Innocence lost can never be regained.

Prevention is paramount. In the Adverse Childhood Experiences Study, conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and Kaiser Permanente, nearly 25% of women and 16% of men reported childhood sexual abuse. Too many children are not getting the protection they need.

Especially in today’s digital world, no child is immune from sexual exploitation. Being the trusted adult for your child and keeping the lines of communication open are the first line of defense. Parents must know and teach their kids that predators can appear to be anyone, even people they know and trust, including a family member. Parents need to be familiar with tools to prevent exploitation. If a parent suspects their child is in the process of being groomed or has already been sexually exploited, talk and listen to your child, and most important, believe him or her. Get the child appropriate professional help and report the offender to the proper authorities.

You might not always be able to save an abuse victim's childhood, but you can be in a position to help the child heal and prevent further abuse by the offender.

Donna Rice Hughes is president of Enough Is Enough and has worked since 1994 to prevent the sexual exploitation of children in the digital world. Visit InternetSafety101.com to learn more