WEST LAFAYETTE, IN–Michigan holder Garrett Moores is fucking sick of giving little pep talks to his team’s kicker every time he misses a field goal, sources confirmed during Saturday’s game between Michigan and Purdue. “Jesus Christ, this shit is getting old,” Moores reportedly thought to himself after patting the kicker on the shoulder pads and offering words of support while the rest of the team jogged off the field following the missed field goal. “I told him he’d get it next time, but honestly that’s bullshit. He’s like a 50/50 shot out there and I can’t keep up this faking any longer.” At press time, Moores was reluctantly taking a seat next to the kicker, who was sitting completely alone on the bench.

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