FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT

Climate change denialists are up in arms today after news that a mid-level climate scientist has purchased a piece of premium real estate that is at odds with her modest scientist salary.

This week we spoke to Australian gold medalist Mack Horton. Listen here:

Melissa Maher is a CSIRO Climate Research Technician on an average salary of just $74,000.

However, last year she was listed as the sole purchaser of a penthouse apartment in the controversial Toaster building in Sydney’s Circular Quay; at a closing price of almost $22m.

When cornered in an elevator by The Advocate last week, Maher, 34, immediately broke down and confessed to being part of a major conspiracy involving 97% of scientists across the planet who were intentionally releasing pessimistic reports in exchange for massive payouts from the secretive Clean Energy Cartel.

“They made me an offer too good to turn down,” she sobbed.

“There is heaps of climate change money out there. I just make reports with graphs that show that mankind are screaming towards oblivion at the hands of selfish morons with no clear plan on how to avoid the planet’s untimely demise. There’s so much money to be made by telling people what they don’t want to hear. Besides, I don’t want to get excluded by 97% of my workmates; some of them can be really mean”.

Broadcaster Alan Jones, who owns another Penthouse suite next door said he had not yet met his new neighbour, although he was not surprised that a Climate Scientist would be able to afford to buy into the building.

“Just goes to show how much of that filthy clean energy money is flying around. All these shady solar panel companies and these fly-by-night windmill shills are behind this, absolutely,” said Jones.

“I feel sorry for the fossil fuel companies that have to pay people out of their own pocket to complete their own totally independent studies.”