In preparation for my veggie garden, I took a look at my garden plot (aka a pile of dirt below the highway) and this is what I saw:

Well, apparently someone had planted some veggies without me knowing! I like the idea of free food not wasting usable things, and I remembered a little post I saw last year, so I decided today was the day that I was going to eat dandelions. And feed them to my children. >:)

So- I found a helper. Wow, my mouth looks so weird here! LOL!

Then we collected some nice big dandelion blossoms. I still need to figure out exactly how to prepare the greens/root to make them not taste like buttocks.

Then I rinsed them. Note the filthy magic eraser. I use those things up until they are so dead. And I am sharing that with you so that I come across as more relatable- thus gaining a broader audience and being one step closer to my ultimate goal (making money by making messes.) Just kidding. I’m just a lazy pig. 😉

Next I dried them for a bit and prepared them for their hot oil bath.

I was confused as to exactly which parts of the flower to remove, but I figured it out and I will show you:

Peel off any of the leaves that aren’t attached to the blossom. Then trim the stem. It took a couple of tries for me to figure out how far to slice without having the flower fall apart. Speaking of bitter greens, the whole time I was prepping the dandelions, I was singing this. Heheheheh.

Okay, and apparently I was in some kind of Gordon Lightfoot-induced trance that rendered me more useless than usual, because I didn’t take pictures of the battering/ frying process… I guess I will try to paint a picture in your mind…

Here is the recipe for the SOOOPER SIMPLE batter:

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Batter for Deep Frying:

1 cup flour

1 cup milk (I used almond milk)

1 egg

1/2 tsp salt

pepper and paprika

Mix it up.

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Drudge the blossoms in the batter and drop them (carefully) into an inch or so of heated oil in a pan. Cook them until they are golden on one side, then flip em and cook em for another minute or two. Let them drain on a paper towel-lined plate. Here are some tips on deep frying.

A.D.D pause! The first time I tried to deep fry something, it resulted in me getting 3 fire extinguishers for Christmas. But don’t let that scare you- I was 18 and stupid. Seriously. Who heats oil on maximum with the lid on and proceeds to try to put out the massive fire with a jug of water? It was 10 years ago, okay? :’O ANYWAYS…

Here are the little beauties. And 3 of my guinea pigs children. Serve the dandelions right away with a dip of your choice. My fave dip is a lil number I created, and I’m feeling extra generous, so I will share…

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Dot’s Chili Ginger Mayo of Love:

1/4 cup mayonnaise

2 tablespoons sweet chili sauce (the kind you’d dip Thai spring rolls in)

1/2 tsp minced fresh ginger (or 1/8th tsp dry)

one green onion, chopped finely

a pinch of black pepper

Mix it up.

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Oh golly, after sausages, this would have to be my fave food. It is perfect with yam fries. Or anything.

Grab a blossom like so, and dip.

Ingest. Digest. Enjoy.

These were so SO delicious. At first I thought they would probably be edible, tolerable, but I figured that since they were, you know, WEEDS, that they wouldn’t be amazing. But they were! They tasted like tempura mushrooms (but better cuz they weren’t slug-textured.) My neighbor hates mushrooms but she loved these. The kids loved em too.

I encourage you to track down some big ol’ dandelions and turn em into something delectable!

Thanks for reading, and happy weeding 😉 heeeheeee that rhymed!