Continue Reading Below Advertisement

I don't know you personally, but I suspect that as a human being you would be, at the very least, uncomfortable with that news. Fortunately, that community doesn't exist, but replace the baby shaking with drunk driving and you have a thriving community of people on the Internet disbelieving that anyone would ever try to strip them of their right to drink a bunch and then drive it off. Their primary platform is well summed up here:

What precisely is being criminalized? Not bad driving. Not destruction of property. Not the taking of human life or reckless endangerment. The crime is having the wrong substance in your blood. Yet it is possible, in fact, to have this substance in your blood, even while driving, and not commit anything like what has been traditionally called a crime.

Continue Reading Below Advertisement

Their argument is that not every drunk driver is a bad driver and just because someone is drunk, it doesn't mean they're going to crash into children and trees, an argument, by the way, that's so flawed and full of holes that it sounds suspiciously like drunk logic. Given the very real statistics of how often drunk drivers are involved in fatal accidents, it's staggering that anyone would try to blow it off as correlation instead of causation. I don't even know how you would possibly argue with someone who is that aggressively ignorant except to explain to them that shaking the shit out of a baby doesn't always snap its neck, but that's still a pretty good reason to never do it.

Getty

I know what you two-birds-with-one-stone hobbyists are thinking, but don't get any ideas.

Continue Reading Below Advertisement

Also, who are these drunk driving enthusiasts who all found one another? I can understand why gun owners would be angry for the same reasons about the regulation of their weapons, or why marijuana advocates would be irate (well, as irate as they can be) about the criminalization of their favorite leisure activity, because shooting guns and smoking weed are, in themselves, enjoyable. But anyone who likes drunk driving enough to stand up for it against federal law is already starting from such a misguided and soulless place that no one will ever feel sorry for them when they bemoan their mistreatment by the law. Why not take up drunk model building instead?