TUSCALOOSA – Early Friday morning many local residents noticed the distinct scent of cow manure as a group of approximately 30 orange and blue-clad social justice warriors gathered around the Nick Saban statue outside Bryant Denny stadium to rally for the statue’s immediate removal.

“That statue symbolizes times of incredible hardship and oppression for my people, times of incredible pain and suffering” said Earl Walker, an Auburn fan from scenic Enterprise, Alabama. Walker said that he had become increasingly fed up as Coach Saban punished his spiritual alma mater year after year on the football field. In such politically volatile times, Walker decided now was the perfect time to take a stand against such public imagery. He stated that the group intends to protest until the university removes the statue or until Auburn can pull out a victory against the Tide. Either way, it will most likely be a long, long time before their commotion dies down.

At press time, the demonstrators had moved their rally into the parking lot of the nearest Denny’s, some making signs with slogans like “Tare it down” and “Sabn is the devel.”