Bernie Madoff is about to experience what it's like to have his life's worth taken out from under him. A judge entered a preliminary order today to yank everything he's got, and then some. He's absolutely finished.

A US district judge issued a final order for the forfeiture of $170,799,000,000 from Bernie, which divests him of basically everything but his ass. I'd make a joke about that being divested from him in prison, too - his sentencing that'll be sending him into medium-security lockup is on Monday - but, oh, what the hell: Bernie Madoff's ass will be divested from him in the hoosegow, or at the very least, commodified. His sentence is expected to be somewhere between 25 and 35 years of hard time, but Bernie's lawyer asked for a high single digit number due to Bernie's old age.

Meanwhile, Ruth - who will most definitely be affected tomorrow by the rise in price of a Metrocard (Agh!) in a few days - struck a bit of a deal. She's relinquishing $80M in assets for a measly $2.5 Million in cold, hard cash. She's apparently not going to be attending Bernie's sentencing, probably because eleven of Bernie's victims are going to be having a snap-tacular prose slam of their grievances against Madoff in court that day. She's been given the option to have a statement read without her in the house, however, and according to her lawyer, might elect to do so.

I know one thing I wouldn't do with $2.5 Million in cash - invest in Bernie Madoff, har! But really: it was recently reported that her kids have taken to calling her and Bernie by their names (as opposed to, you know, "Mom" and "Dad" or whatever you call Bernie Madoff if he's your dad - Scrooge McDuck?), so who knows if they're going to have doors open to her, or if they're going to have doors, period. Maybe Ruth can write a tell-all. Maybe she can get a TV show! I'd like that: The Ruth Madoff QVC Hour. Nice ring, right?

Also, says some thug who consults Wall Street-ers who go to lockup:

"There will be people who think that Bernie can give them stock tips, but I don't see anyone being his big pal," said Larry Levine, founder of Wall Street Prison Consultants who served 10 years for his ties to organized crime. "I believe he'll be treated like an outcast."

Look on the bright side, though. Most parents never find the time to repair broken relationships with their kids. Madoff's going to have plenty of it. An ideal blueprint for this kind of thing has thankfully already been provided:





Madoff reduced to nothing [CNN]

Madoff's Wife Cedes Asset Claim [WSJ]