POLICE have warned the public to stay indoors until the post-Grand Theft Auto V murder spree has subsided.

More than 85,000 shootings, fatal beatings and vehicular homicides have been committed by previously law-abiding citizens unable to distinguish between real life and a lurid fictionalised version of Los Angeles.

A police spokesman said: “Stay in your homes. Everything is on fire.

“If you have been playing Grand Theft Auto V, you may have lost the ability to distinguish between good and evil.

“As a precautionary measure we recommend you acquire a copy of Aesop’s Fables. The stories are about foxes and ducks, and carry clear moral messages to remind you that actions have consequences.”

Retired headmistress Margaret Gerving said: The problem is that they’ve introduced an element of torture to the game.

Why couldnt they stick to the contract killing, gang warfare and indiscriminate slaughter that made the previous games such innocent fun?

Computer game emulation caused thousands of injuries in the 80s as people leapt around mansions grasping at hard-to-reach items.

Cranial fractures from headbutting bricks shot up 400 per cent in the 90s. This was followed by the introduction of 24-hour security at graveyards to discourage tomb raiding.

However gamer Roy Hobbs said: “This is hysterical media bullshit. There’s no way computer games would ever inspire me to voluntarily go outside.”