

I’ve experienced, first-hand, the paralysis that can come after “failure.” My childhood was filled with academic, athletic, and musical accolades. Soon, “success” wasn’t just something I attained, it became part of my identity. Not a bad thing right? Wrong! Because then adulthood happened. And it came with a whole both of other talented people and whole new world of critique.

About 8 years ago, I auditioned for a major singing competition. And I did terribly! Laughably bad! It was such an unfamiliar feeling because I had often been the singing “star” in every school concert or church play. The feeling was so uncomfortable that I vowed to God and myself that I would never, ever sing again. I don’t think I even spoke a word for two days straight. What? Why? Because I “failed” one time? Talk about paralysis. The way I looked at achievement, heck, the way I looked at myself, needed to change.

Have you had a similar experience? Has feeling “failure” ever crippled you? Then ask yourself this:

What is your mental orientation? AOI or POI?

To an AOI (Achievement-Oriented Individual), achievement is narrow. It is defined by a single score, a single result, comparison to others, and outperforming them. An AOI says to herself “I must be the best.” As a result, she is controlled by how well she performs and how others view her. AOI’s often experience much discomfort, discouragement, and even envy in their process.

But to a POI (Process-Oriented Individual), achievement is broad. It is defined simply by learning and growth. A POI values the process – she understands that the wins and the losses, the praises and the critiques, are equally valuable to her. She doesn’t need to be the best, she just needs to be growing. Her growth will lead to her glory moment in time. A POI says to herself “I will learn.” As a result, she experiences joy in her process.

Below are a summary of AOI and POI characteristics:

Characteristics of AOI’s and POI’s

The ironic thing is that both mindsets can lead to success, extreme success. But at what cost? How much psychological and emotional turmoil must one go through? I urge you ladies to make a mental shift. Value your process. Value your growth. Approach every situation with a hunger, not for achievement, but to learn. Then trust that where your growing process leads you will be to a more powerful place.

“If we win because we’re winners, then when we lose it’s because we’re losers,” TED talk speaker Eduardo Briceno puts it. But if we win because we’ve learned, then when we lose, it’s because we haven’t learned what we need to…But we will.

With SO much love,

~Peace

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