In the great green-certified room

There was a smartphone

And a silver spoon

And a picture of—

A high-contrast, brain-stimulating black-and-white moon

And there was a musical concert by Baby Mozart

And high window guards

And French flash cards

And a fireplace safety gate

And toys without phthalate

And a sterilizer and bottle brush and bowl full of organic mush

And a bilingual nanny who was whispering “hush”

Goodnight room

Goodnight recycled baby wipes with no perfume

Goodnight high-contrast black-and-white moon

Goodnight baby monitor

And the nanny-cam

Goodnight French flash cards

Bonne nuit petit canard

Goodnight non-slip socks

And goodnight sustainable-wood blocks

Goodnight friends with unique, unusual names

And goodnight brain-development games

Goodnight digital archive of baby’s first years

And goodnight Doctors Karp, Leach, Ferber, and Sears

Goodnight wipes warmer and yoga mat, HEPA filter and sun hat,

Sunscreen, sunglasses, sleep sack, outlet cap, sleep coach, G &T coach, star charts, consumer reports,

Vitamin D, anything with Omega-3, French au pair, filtered air and—

Goodnight alpha parents everywhere.

Illustration by Kris Mukai.