Are you a Harry Potter fan by any chance? What house do you think that Historia would be in? What about everyone else?

Anon, you are my favorite person of the day.

Yes, I do happen to be a fan of Harry Potter, and I was in need of a push to get my sorting headcanons a post.

…I’d take this time to make yet another comment about how I don’t agree with the fandom on anything, but sorting is one of those magical areas of fandom where everyone gets to disagree with everyone else, so I think I’m good.

Also, sorry in advance about the length discrepancies; some just didn’t feel like they needed a lot of words.

Now awaaaaay we go!



Mikasa is an easy Hufflepuff for me. She’s obviously devoted to her family, but beyond that, she has an acute sense of responsibility as part of a unit.

When she goes off the rails during Trost, she recognizes that she failed to be there for the people she inspires to fight. When her actions during the Female Titan arc lead to Levi’s injury, she remembers, and does what she can to make up for her failure.

She is immensely loyal to people, and while she can be impulsive and shortsighted on occasion, she always comes back to the ties she’s forged.







Eren is another easy one; better be Gryffindor. He’s passionate, impulsive, and by golly is the boy righteous. He is a straightforward kid with a burning belief in fighting for his ideals until his last breath.







Armin is a little trickier. Ultimately, I’d go with Ravenclaw, but his worldview is decked in Slytherin philosophy. He wholeheartedly believes in the necessity of change, and he can see how generic goodness fails in that exploit compared to fighting for the greater good.

However, the reason we know so much about how Armin thinks is because he spends a great deal of time considering the world. He explores every viewpoint he comes across, examining every detail. He has a Slytherin outlook, but he only finds that because he’s a Ravenclaw.







Jean is a Hufflepuff who wants to be a Slytherin. He has the pragmatism, and a vested interest in his own survival, but when he’s directly confronted with the harshness of the world he’s so eager to shield himself from, he can’t look away.

He doesn’t want to die, and he know that’s probably where active participation leads, but he can’t just walk away from this mess. He can’t leave his friends and all the soldiers that follow to face this while he hides away.



It isn’t a happy choice, but it is the right one.







Reiner probably deserves a little more consideration than I’m giving him, but he has always, always been a Hufflepuff to me.

He’s loyal to his positions (whether it be as a soldier or a warrior), which is one thing, but he’s also loyal to his friends, and doing right by people. My personal opinion is that’s why his mind splits:

Reiner’s the big brother who looks after everyone else.



He can’t give up on what he set out to do, but he also can’t handle being a traitor. He has no desire to betray anyone. He cares about Connie and Eren and Bertolt–he just cares about people in general.



And his mission means that he’s caused immeasurable pain to each and every one of them. He sticks to it, but it destroys him because it puts him at odds with himself; loyalty to his people versus loyalty to these new people.

There’s definitely some straightforward Gryffindor willingness to put himself in peril, but his allegiances are what make him tick.







Bertolt is something.

Yeah, that’s the answer I keep coming up with.

I’d like to default to Hufflepuff, simply because if nothing else, he’s Reiner’s bud, but… boy do I not see that. I mean, technically, Hufflepuff will take all kinds, so Bertolt would be perfectly welcome, but we’re talking character here, not where people would end up if they put on the Sorting Hat.

A lot of what we know about Bertolt comes from his bonds with people, but I’ve never gotten the sense that that’s because he’s a particularly loyal person. Reiner and Annie have his loyalty, and the rest of the 104th did have his friendship while he could afford to give it, but caring about your friends is different from being loyal.

Bertolt has no problem disapproving of Reiner’s behavior as a soldier–and saying it within the hearing of other people–and his reaction to Annie apologizing at Trost appears to be of a similar ilk to my eyes. They’re his friends, he apparently has a thing for Annie (I… am really unsure if canon expects me to believe this) and he is especially attached to Reiner, but there doesn’t seem to be much mutual respect. I’d almost say that the person he seems to have the most regard for is Ymir, possibly because she hasn’t had years to ruin his impression of her.

SO.

I’m putting him in Ravenclaw. Most of the time Bertolt spends talking is when he’s pressing close to hysterics, and I’m always reluctant to read much into those situations, but in the midst of all that fun, Bertolt is quick to use mundane common sense in his interactions with Ymir–somehow, she’s the one person he seems to fall out of a predetermined mold with. Around her (when he’s not completely freaked) he takes the time to examine his feelings on her role in everything, and he uses logical arguments to counter Historia’s emotional pleas when it looks like Ymir is wavering in her decision again.

Bertolt is an observer thrust into an active role. He’s perfectly competent and understands his place in the world, but he’s not meant for the pressure, so he unravels.







Annie is a Slytherin, though very plainly of the lacking-in-overt-ambition variety. Her primary investment is her own life. She does have people she stumbles into caring about–Armin, Eren–but her regard for them isn’t enough to sway her from the path circumstance and family have stuck her with. Annie respects stubborn idealism, but she doesn’t let herself fall prey to it.

She keeps to herself and does her job.



It isn’t about changing the world. It’s about survival, and hers comes first.







Sasha. Sasha, Sasha, Sasha.

Gryffindor. She’s one of the 104th whose trembling gets showcased the most, and she, naturally, rolls with it, but the main reason for this placement is sheer nerve.

Her first day as a soldier of humanity, she steals and pretty much laughs in her commanding officer’s face. When the Colossal Titan appears, she saves her comrade’s life by stabbing him through the leg with her 3DMG.

She goes after a Titan with a bow and arrow–after failing to chop its neck open with an axe.

Sasha’s got this natural, phenomenal, impulsive flair. Gryffindor isn’t the only fit, but it is by far my favorite.







Connie’s going to Hufflepuff.

This kid loves the heck out of his friends and family. …And that statement got depressing fast, because yeah, Connie and family. Happy topic. One of his noted motives for joining the MPs before he goes with the Survey Corps is how proud his family will be.

He gets some great moments with Reiner, making the betrayal that much worse, and is pretty much always worrying over his friends when something worrying is going on.

And he’s Historia’s main wingman. Keeping her from toppling off tall surfaces and believing the worst of her relationship. So there’s that.

Connie supports people as naturally as breathing, and he’s great at it.







Erwin’s a Slytherin. An endless schemer for the greater good. He dreams big, he’s a master of secrecy, and he’s willing to sacrifice anything to succeed in his ambitions.







Levi is awkward. His most obvious trait at the moment is his ruthlessness. I don’t mean that to refer to his morals; he cuts to the heart of every issue or situation he finds himself in. He is incredibly direct, and his willingness to shelve any moral compunctions means that he goes after what he wants with single-minded determination.



Overall… I’d go with Hufflepuff.



He’s a good, loyal soldier. He follows Erwin resolutely despite bodies falling left and right. The loss of his squad hurts. And while he doesn’t dwell on the morals that stand to keep him from his end aim, he is very fair.

He doesn’t mince words about what’s necessary for the mission, so he has a tendency to throw kids right up against the line so that they understand the extremes of the choices they have to make.

The way he goes about it isn’t exactly pleasant, but he makes sure everyone under his command knows what’s expected of them and what they have to do for the mission–at the same time, he doesn’t claim his way as the right way. He respects other people’s views and moral limits, he just also respects when there’s no time to accommodate them.

The extremes Levi inhabits come off as a very Slytherin blend, but the feel I get with Levi is that he’s steadfastly indomitable entirely due to where his loyalties lie.







Hange’s a Ravenclaw. Her passionate rage for the Titans comes to an end when her passion for observing and understanding the world gets hooked.







Ymir is a Slytherin who deeply resents her intense personal loyalty extending to other people.

She desperately wants to be someone who’s only interested in taking care of herself. The problem she continually runs into with that is that taking care of herself tends to involve looking after other people. Her well-being becomes tied to theirs.



Ymir is incredibly loyal, but personally, I see it as an extension of her self-interest. Kristoria and Connie are her people. She owes Reiner and Bertolt a debt, and they’re all capable of understanding each other.

She’s manipulative and enjoys winding people up. The way she does that often helps them (Sasha, Historia), but sometimes it’s just because she sees it and can’t help herself (Reiner).

Ambitious, driven, and selfish. That last one turns out to get her nowhere close to where she wanted to be at the start, but that hardly negates it as a description.







Historia would be an incredible Slytherin.

I have to open with that, because she just–would be such an incredible Slytherin. She routinely gets exactly what she wants, and it takes very little effort. I’ve said before that Historia’s brand of manipulation is bluntly honest. It’s basically a transaction:

Want to be seen as nice? Be nice. Bad situation? Niceness attracts more attention. Go forth and be nice when things are awful. Check and check. No one notices her ambition because she’s already won.

But overall, I think that Slytherin would go to Historia as she was under Krista Lenz. Historia as Historia?

Historia has “dramatic yelling” as a recurring character trait. She throws a rock at a Titan. She jumps on top of a crumbling tower and cheers to the heavens when Ymir finishes the job. She runs into a horde of Titans because that’s where her girlfriend happens to be at the time.

That’s without getting into her penchant for dramatically asserting her name.

And rank, come 68.

She’s simple, blunt, and passionate–to an absurd degree in some spots. At the end of the day, I’ve gotta go with Gryffindor.





(Gryffindor vs. Slytherin actually came up in a conversation I had with garrianvakarian​ last year. I mentioned that if I wanted to cheat, I’d point out that the kids get sorted at 11, so ta-da, Slytherin! Then that turned into a mild detour of an AU where no one understood why Historia was in Slytherin. Then she hits her character development, and people understand it even less. She’d be a beater, and Ymir would snark about dating the most reckless Slytherin in the entire castle. It was a whole fun thing.

Also, I didn’t do a bad job with phrasing this, so here, have me quoting myself: “She’s an excellent Slytherin, but I think her story’s all about shedding her skin to make way for a lion.”)









Alright, house roundup:





Hufflepuff:

Mikasa

Jean



Reiner

Connie

Levi

Slytherin:

Annie

Erwin

Ymir

Ravenclaw:

Armin

Bertolt



Hange

Gryffindor:

Eren

Sasha

Historia

Well, that was a blast. House crests were copy/pasted from Pottermore, which quickly trapped me in the land of addicting minigames, delaying this post ever so slightly. …Or several days. Take your pick.

Thank you very much for the fun, Anon.

