Porno Princess calls me the other day. She’s in tears. She’s broke. She has no money, which isn’t anything new for most Porno Princesses — trust me, this I know. “Do you have any work? I’ll do almost anything right now. For whatever you have to pay me.”

Another Porno Princess texts me: If you pay me $750 I will do any kind of scene you want. ANY kind.

Stunt Cock called me a week ago. He’s pissed. He’s got one of the biggest wieners in Porn Valley, but that doesn’t mean a thing anymore. After telling me, “this business has bankrupted me. Fuck porn!” he said he’s about to embark on a new career: he’s leaving for Alaska to be a fur trapper. (Yes, a fur trapper. I won’t comment beyond that).

What’s going on?

Free Internet Porn.

In addition to no more money for Porno Princess and Stunt Cock, there’s no more future work either. Which is just a dumb way of saying in the past you could live day-to-day, cause you were getting booked 5 times a week. Now some of these performers are lucky to get booked 3 times a month. And the only girls who are getting consistent work are the newbs.

Like most business, porn’s struggling. Unlike most, porn’s business model is competing against something fierce and mighty. To really complicate things, it’s a business model has changed radically in the last five years…and no one likes change.

DVD’s have pretty much vanished; online adult flourished…and now it’s all all free.

But you know that.

Imagine opening a taco stand, and a few weeks later another opens across the street. The tacos aren’t as good as yours, but they’re free. Gratis. Take ’em and leave — as many as you want.

You just left a Tube Site. Admit it. You just jacked it for free, and you probably watched a half dozen full length scenes before blowing you load, too, and you didn’t shell out a penny. You didn’t have to worry about downloading some weird codec. You didn’t have to worry about downloading a file that might be a virus. You didn’t have to give up your e-mail. No joining some creepy forum. You didn’t even have to wait for the file to fucking download. You just pulled down your pants, made sure Wifey wasn’t on her way home, pressed a play button and cranked one out. Then, you cleaned up, checked out what I have to say today, and now you’re on your way out to start your day. Or finish it. Or continue it. Whatever.

You’ve probably been doing been doing this since about 2007, too, when The Tubes starting catching on fire. Now a few of them are even ranked in the top 100 over at Alexa, and that’s huge — which you may or may not know.

Huge as in huge numbers. Huge amounts of traffic. Spread over all of them, I bet it’s a billion impressions a week. Or a weekend.

And you know they’re using their stolen, full-length clips, and you love it. You know they’re using stolen porn to sell something other than porn, which is a first. Instead of selling you more porn (why? They just fucking gave you more than you could watch), they’re selling (mostly) memberships that promise to get you laid.

This way, you won’t have to jack to porn anymore.

It’s taken about 2 years for all this to really hit home. Like I said, Tubes started catching on around the start of ’07; the DVD market started crumbling soon thereafter; now it’s hit the internet guys. Porn Valley is drying up, and fast. People are freaking out. Agencies are closing. More than 90% of the jobs are being booked by less than 10% of the companies. Rates are dropping. No one’s sure when it’ll come back — if it ever does.

Most are betting it won’t.

I always thought once the masses figure out Adult Friend Finder and The Facebook of Sex are nothing but big ol’ Sausage Fests, the Tubes would implode under their own bandwidth bills, and things would get back to normal. But after listening the The Thief ramble in that Amsterdam Coffee Shop last week. I’m not so sure.

I know what you’re thinking, too: Boo-Hoo Billy. Too bad. Join the club. I lost my job, too. Why the fuck should I pay for porn? Most of it sucks anyways, so fuck you. You’re nothing but a sleazy porno dude, so who cares? I don’t pay for music or mainstream movies either. Why should I? It’s not like I’m walking into a store and shoving DVD’s and CD’s under my shirt and walking out. They’re intangibles, and that makes them fair game. If I can’t touch it, I shouldn’t have to pay for it.

I’m not boo-hooing…just blogging.

Things are changing fast. And no one knows where it’s all heading.

There’s still people paying for music and movies. And, believe it or not, some are still paying for adult entertainment, too: the ones who want to see the girl they want to see doing the naughty things they like to watch instead of just whacking to whatever’s given to them are paying for it. Of course it’s no where near like it was before, and with the money drying up in this game, and the companies closing, and talent starting to leave what next?

Maybe everyone will just be stuck jacking to ripped DVD’s that were shot years ago.

Maybe the Tubes will implode.

Maybe Apple and Windows will develop operating systems that’ll know what you do — and don’t — pay for.

Maybe Brazzers (they’re behind the big tubes I mentioned earlier) and the rest of the Porno Thieves will Rule The World.

Maybe.

Jack Kerouac said, “…nobody, nobody knows what’s going to happen to anybody besides the forlorn rags of growing old…”

Amen.