(See the end of the chapter for more notes .)

Hope you came here for shitposting with a side of more shitposting. Maybe the occasional sweet moment, but I don't know yet. I'll add more character tags as I add them/plan to add them

Chapter Text

[United States of America] : created chat server “server”

[Japan] : joined “server”

[United States of America] : alright! looks like the server works! i knew we could get this app going!

[Japan] : Yes. Although, it probably would have been better to test this before we distributed the program to the rest of the G8.

[United States of America] : eh dw about it so much

[United States of America] : worst case we could have rolled out a day one update

[Japan] : I… suppose we could have.

[Japan] : Well, I guess we can add everyone to the channel now.

[United States of America] : kay! you mind getting italy and the germanies? i got the rest

[Japan] : Would you like both Italies or just North?

[United States of America] : ehhhh Romano is kinda a dick. we'll add him if someone actually asks

[Japan] : ...Very well.

[Japan] : added [Germany] to "server"

[Japan] : added [Italy Veneziano] to "server"

[Japan] : added [Prussia] to "server"

[Prussia] : What the hell is this server name?

[Italy Veneziano] : ooh is this a group chat?? :D :D

[Germany] : What in the world? How did this app get on my phone? And since when can Italy type in German?

[Italy Veneziano] : ??? this is italian though???

[United States of America] : i know i know i'll fix the name l8r

[United States of America] : also i think the translators are on by default, dw. you can turn em off in the settings

[United States of America] : anyway gimme a sec. gotta add the rest of the gang!

[Germany] : That does not explain how you got this app on my phone.

[Japan] : It's also on any personal computers.

[Prussia] : Ooh! Awesome!

[Germany] : ...I don't ever recall agreeing to this. Are you sure having our conversations over text is okay?

[Japan] : My apologies. America was the one to install it on all your devices. Do not worry, though. The server is secure.

[United States of America] : dude! way to throw me under the bus!

[Japan] : ...Pardon me? A bus?

[Prussia] : Hah. What are you even worried about us leaking? I don't think we've talked about actually important shit since like… ever at actual meetings.

[Germany] : And how many meetings have you attended in the past twenty years?

[Prussia] : …

[Prussia] : Touche'.

[United States of America] : he's still right though. last world meeting we just argued about what the best thing to do if it started raining coca cola would be

[United States of America] :added [Canada] to "server"

[United States of America] : added [China] to "server"

[China] : if it rained coca cola then wed need an inverted umbrella hat

[United States of America] : yes. one with a straw in it of course

[China] : and a spillover drain that flooded all excess coke into a storage tank.

[Italy Veneziano] : oooh that sounds cool!!





[Germany] : Oh for the love of god. Not this again.

[Japan] : America, I'm going to have to stop you there before this gets out of hand again. Can you please add everyone else?

[United States of America] : fiiiiiiine. also it would need to come in different colors.

[United States of America] : added [Great Britain] to "server"

[United States of America] : added [France] to "server"

[Great Britain] : Why are you guys discussing that bloody pop rain again?

[France] : Oh Angleterre~ You say that like you didn't spend at least two of those hours arguing with America. <3

[Great Britain] : SHUT IT FROGFACE! IT'S POP AND HE CAN'T CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE.

[United States of America] : wtf no it's not??? It's Coca Cola, dude. Coke. Soda. Fizzy sweet drink of happiness. Anything except pop. Pop rain sounds like something China would name a bootlegged K-pop band.

[Canada] : Don't your people call it pop in a couple of your states, though?

[France] : I'm going to side with America on this one~

[Great Britain] : Traitor! you're only agreeing with him to piss me off!

[Prussia] : To be fair seeing you mad is pretty damn funny.

[United States of America] : Ooh @[France] does this mean you'll agree with me that Imperial > Metric?

[France] : Non.

[Great Britain] : No.

[Prussia] : Nein.

[Germany] : Nein.

[Italy Veneziano] : nooo...

[Japan] : いいえ

[United States of America] : :(

[United States of America] : wait wtf I thought the translators were on

[Great Britain] : I don't think someone who decided to measure by a man's oversized foot is qualified to-

[Great Britain] : Wait a tick what is this app, anyway?

[Germany] : You're just now asking about how a suspicious app was installed on all your devices without your permission? You're too lax.

[United States of America] : I think my charming personality is what put him at ease

[Canada] : I'm not sure "charming" is the word I'd use…

[Prussia] : I'll tell you what it isn't charming. This fucking server name. Gimme the ability to change that shit.

[United States of America] : a deity cannot so easily spread his powers to others

[Japan] : There you go. Everyone has the ability to change the server name, now.

[United States of America] : god dammit Japan. -_-

[Japan] : I am a generous god. We're still the only two with Admin, though.

[Germany] : You know, Japan usually seems so serious.

[Germany] : Then he says stuff like that and I can't tell how much of it is a joke.

[Prussia] : Oh, thank god I'm not the only one.

[Japan] : Er… thanks, I think?

[France] : Are you sure it's wise to have Amérique as an admin?

[United States of America] : wise? hell no. does he have a choice? also hell no.

[Italy Veneziano] : oooh so does this mean we can change the server name now??

[Germany] : I'd say to keep it PG, but we all know that wouldn't stop anyone.

[Canada] : Especially France.

[United States of America] : especially France

[Great Britain] : Least of all the frog. Anyway, I have a good name. Just wait a tick.

[France] : oh hon hon~ you three know me too well~

[United States of America] : Ooh like Voltron ticks?

[United States of America] : Also @[France] never type that again ever please like i know i joke about your laugh sounding like that but just

[France] : aw, and here I thought you'd appreciate a little joke. Alas, I see I was wrong

[United States of America] : I mean jokes are great but good GOD it looks so dumb seeing you type that

[France] : Fine, fine. But at least I know what I can do to get on your nerves ;)

[Prussia] : Oh! Voltron! I remember that show! One of America's better cartoons. Once it got rebooted, that is.

[United States of America] : aww thanks!

[Prussia] : anime is better though.

[Japan] : I want no part in this argument…

[United States of America] : who said we were arguing? I ain't fightin a losing battle

[Japan] : Eh?

[United States of America] : yeah dude anime rocks

[United States of America] : but you know who's even more of a closet anime fan than me?

[Canada] : America…

[United States of America] : LOOK YOU WERE DOING THE NARUTO RUN DOWN THE HALL WHEN I TOLD YOU THE PANCAKES WERE DONE

[United States of America] : DO YOU NOT EXPECT ME TO TELL???

[France] : Canada? An anime fan? Color me surprised.

[Germany] : Japan does make interesting fiction.

[Italy Veneziano] : oohhh yeaaaah! i love getting to see japans movies! ^_^ i didnt know americas brother liked it too

[United States of America] : Totally, dude! yo, @[Canada] do you wanna join me prussia and japan for our super ultimate crazy mega trials of the gods next time?

[Canada] : Your… what?

[Germany] : Mein Gott… you guys still do that?

[Prussia] : Hell yeah we do! And this one will be the longest one yet!

[Japan] : It is a legendary challenge, not made for the mortal man. Only the dedicated can make it past the first trial. By the third trial, any human would perish.

[Japan] : Reaching the end… it takes the fortitude of a god. Truly, it is not for the faint of heart.

[China] : what in the world are you talking about is there a prize

[United States of America] : The pride that comes with making it through the challenge. this year's will be the hardest yet

[China] : oh so no money

[China] : boring

[Canada] : But what IS it?

[United States of America] : Anime.

[Prussia] : The ultimate anime experience.

[Japan] : In which we gather together and complete as many anime series as possible.

[Prussia] : No breaks, of course.

[United States of America] : except for bathroom

[United States of America] : but we're breaking our record this time for sure

[France] : this sounds hazardous to one's health.

[Italy Veneziano] : ohhh i remember those… i got bored and fell asleep when i tried to join prussia once

[United States of America] : look if we gotta be immortal personification of landmasses, then imma abuse the perks that come with it

[United States of America] : aka the ability to survive off of coffee and red bull for weeks straight with no long lasting consequences. you don't wanna see the giant stacks of coffee beans and energy drinks i've been stockpiling for months

[United States of America] : ive sold out Costco seven times already. had to rent a uhaul to carry the stuff home

[Italy Veneziano] : i bet seeing you at the checkout line was funny!!!

[Germany] : … I hate myself for being amused at the mental image. The poor cashier.

[Canada] : Oh! That's what all that stuff was for… Being completely honest, I thought you were gathering provisions for a homemade fallout shelter.

[United States of America] : !!!

[Canada] : ...I feel like I just made a huge mistake.

[United States of America] : @[Prussia] WHY THE HELL HAVEN'T WE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE!!!

[Prussia] : I DON'T KNOW BUT WE NEED TO DO THAT!

[Japan] : But not until after the trial.

[United States of America] : well duh. so you in or naw, bro?

[Canada] : I'm scared to ask… but what exactly will you be watching, and how long will it take?

[United States of America] : Oh one sec lemme find the doc

[Prussia] : It's still a couple months away but you might wanna start clearing your schedule because the hour count is scary long. We've been working our asses off to make sure we have enough vacation time.

[Japan] : Clear plenty from that schedule. We can only do this every few years since it takes so long.

[United States of America] : Found it!

[United States of America] : >:D

[Germany] : What the actual hell am I looking at? Have you lost your minds?! Twenty-two days!

[China] : pssh thats nothing compared to the amount of time ive been around how long do you think it took to make the great wall because i had to help with that

[Prussia] : Oh, for the love of God. We get it, you're old! Don't be such an old geezer!

[France] : After all, that's Angleterre's job. I'm fairly certain he's still trying to figure out how to change the server name.

[Prussia] : West, can you guess mine?

[Germany] : Kill la Kill was from you. As well as Ghost in the Shell. I still remember when you made me watch them. I still can't tell if you liked the action or fanservice more in the former.

[Prussia] : Don't forget Princess Tutu!

[Germany] : What the hell is that show?

[Prussia] : You… haven't seen it? I feel like I failed as your big brother.

[United States of America] : It's a badass show.

[Japan] : It is as surprisingly complex deconstruction of the fairy tale genre.

[Germany] : … I'll just take your word on it.

[Italy Veneziano] : Oooh! I like Spirited Away!!! :D

[Germany] : To be fair, everybody likes Spirited Away. Although… One-Piece? Have you gone mad?

[United States of America] : honestly it's not as bad as the time we binged pokemon anime. and sure it wasn't as long then as it is now, but pairing that WITH Naruto… it was awesome!!!

[Italy Veneziano] : japan's stuff is super cool but i'd rather sleep…

[Japan] : Completely understandable. I'm just glad we added Made in Abyss to the list this year.

[United States of America] : Digimon Tamers, FMA, and Hellsing Ultimate were some of my additions. Jeri gives me life

[Japan] : Jeri gives everyone life.

[Japan] : Including the D-Reaper

[United States of America] : …

[United States of America] : I've said it once I'll say it again. god dammit Japan

[Prussia] : D-Reaper? Ooh! That sounds kinky! What is it? I haven't seen Tamers yet!

[United States of America] : NO TAMERS IS A KIDS SHOW IT IS NOT THAT

[Italy Veneziano] : ???

[Germany] : I'm surrounded by idiots.

[Canada] : But how are you going to keep this from hurting your countries? If it were just a few days, I'd understand… but three weeks of no sleep?

[United States of America] : c'mon bro chill out.

[United States of America] : we're not THAT dumb

[Prussia] : If a human went twenty-two days without sleeping, they would kick the bucket for sure. But the secret to success? We're not human, so exploit the hell out of it WITHOUT killing off your own people in the process! It works surprisingly well!

[United States of America] : ^^^^ yeah our Nation energy thingamawhatsit power needs energy and stuff, but it doesnt need to come in the same way as a human!

[United States of America] : so instead of sleeping

[United States of America] : foooooooood

[United States of America] : and caffeine

[United States of America] : that way we get all the energy we need to be semi-functioning people without needing to take a break OR cause our countries to die of a mass outbreak of insomnia.

[China] : how the hell does that work

[Japan] : In simplest terms, the… for lack of a better word, magic… that makes up our bodies can function as long as they receive enough energy. As long as we're okay, we don't start sharing our energy depletion with our people.

[United States of America] : time-tested! we've been testing this for yeeeeaaaarrrss of anime and video game trials!

[Canada] : America… you've figured all that out, and yet, you still can't name all my provinces?

[United States of America] : yes i can!

[Canada] : without googling it?

[United States of America] : …

[United States of America] : So are you gonna join us or not???

[Canada] : …

[United States of America] : c'mooonnn bro itll be fun!

[Canada] : Add Cowboy Bebop to the list, and I'll be there.

[Prussia] : Holy shit, he actually said yes!

[France] : Wow. Not going to lie, I was really expecting a no.

[Italy Veneziano] : germanyyyy can i go too pleeeasseee??? I promise I'll do the rest of my work later

[Germany] : Nein. You know there are several meetings coming up. You can barely show up less than fifteen minutes late, much less finish your work three weeks early.

[Italy Veneziano] : aww… ;-;

[Canada] : America? Are you okay?

[United States of America] : I… I don't…

[Canada] : Are you okay??

[United States of America] : is this what pure joy feels like??? Holy shit i can't believe i didn't think of Bebop before I'll add it right away brb I'm so proud of you bro!

[Canada] : Thanks, I think?

[France] : I'm starting to worry about Angleterre. No human or Country should ever take this long to change a server name…

[Great Britain] : changed server name "server" to "G(r)8"

[Great Britain] : Thank God. I finally found the bloody button. What did I miss?

[Germany] : Just scroll up…

[Great Britain] : Fine. Give me a second.

[Prussia] : …

[Prussia] : Nobody?

[Prussia] : Nobody is going to comment on this shitty title?

[France] : I'm more disappointed than anything else, if I'm being honest. I don't know how I lost the French and Indian War to him…

[United States of America] : okey dokey here's the new list! day count is up to 23.25!

[United States of America] : ...England… how are you such an old man? That's like… awkward great uncle humor.

[Canada] : I thought they were called dad jokes.

[United States of America] : I'm not calling them that in the context of england and you can't make me. England's just an out of touch old man. So much so it's actually hilarious

[China] : i thought it was funny

[United States of America] : which only proves my point further! You're like a bajillion years old

[Japan] : I think I need to repair my earlier statement.

[Japan] : Everyone EXCEPT England and China has permission to change the server name.

[Prussia] : Thank fuck for that.

[United States of America] : changed server name "G(r)8" to "Britain is an old geezer and tea is gross"

[Prussia] : …

[Prussia] : I'll admit it. I laughed.

[Canada] : One of the largest Superpowers in history.

[Canada] : Mature as a toddler.

[Prussia] : …

[Prussia] : And that made me laugh harder. For such a cold country, Canada sure knows how to deliver a burn oh my GOD. I am losing my shit right now.

[Germany] : As someone in the same house as him, I can confirm that this is, in fact, true. He's very loud.

[Great Britain] : BLOODY HELL TWENTY-THREE DAYS??? ARE YOU CRA

[Great Britain] : MY NAME WAS GOOD YOU WANKER! AND THE ONLY REASON THE TEA WAS GROSS WAS BECAUSE YOU THREW IT INTO THE FUCKING OCEAN

[Prussia] : Nice caps lock.

[United States of America] : Someone's just salty. Just like that tea was ^_^

[Great Britain] : YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BRAT

[France] : I could watch this back and forth all day.

[Prussia] : Ikr? It's weirdly mesmerizing. Is this what it's like watching West and me fight?

[United States of America] : 100% yes

[China] : Speaking of Superpowers, aren't we forgetting someone?

[Japan] : Oh… right…

[Japan] : added [Russia] to "Britain is an old geezer and tea is gross"

[United States of America] : …

[United States of America] : Dammit. Was kinda hoping you'd forget him when i added china instead

[United States of America] : I mean hi Russia

[Germany] : Why is it I can perfectly imagine the tone in which you said that last line?

[Russia] : Interesting title for a group chat. Seems like I have a lot to catch up on! ^J^