I’m not entirely certain what inside of me suddenly stirred this, but I want to be an advocate for change. A voice of change. I think I’ve made it clear that’s the sole purpose of this blog- to bring a voice to those who struggle in any sense, especially if it may be through depression, PTSD, or anxiety.

Today I came to notice that maybe, just maybe. all the pain I’ve felt for the past couple years is to bring CHANGE. Pain is a motivator.

Here’s an example: You burn your hand on the stove. You know it hurts. That hurt helps you know that you need to be careful around the stove. So pain was a good thing in that sense because now you know to be careful.

The same happens with our emotional and spiritual level. We experience pain to be motivated. We experience pain to warn us. We experience pain to know what to do differently or change.

And so maybe, just maybe. The pain I’ve felt is to help me change but also to help others. Either to help them change themselves or to help change things generally. I’ve learned a lot about myself & the cultures & environments in which I associate with.

It basically comes down to this: If you see a problem, it means you are part of the solution.

I’ve begun to notice problems within the past few years of this pain. Whether it be the taboo behind mental health. Or the issues with porn. Or cultural aspects of my religion. Or even problems women face in sports journalism. I’ve noticed issues within those & this means I will be part of the solution. I will help bring CHANGE.

I could write an entire post on this concept, but there’s something else on my heart that I wanted to write about.

This weekend something occurred that has had a strong impact on me. I won’t go into detail about the situation, but my roommate asked me if I would blog about it. I felt really hesitant writing about it, but realised I promised to make this blog open & maybe there are other people struggling with similar situations as I.

Long story short, what happened this weekend could have thrown me immediately into a state of feeling like I was a victim.

Today with my therapist we discussed “The Drama Triangle” & can also be described as a “Triangle of Choicelessness.”

Basically there are three people to it this triangle. The Persecutor. The Victim. The Rescuer.

All of these sides aren’t good. It just makes the situation worse.

For me, I was in a situation of feeling like a victim. I turned to my rescuer, which to me was the voice inside me saying, “Don’t approach the person about the situation & just keep the peace.”

But wait. How would that solve anything? The persecutor would still be wrong for what they did & I would still be the “victim,” feeling powerless, hopeless and stuck.

What I’ve come to learn is that we never know how something will impact another person. We can be cautious & not want to approach someone when something wrong happens because we are afraid of offending them or whatnot.

But ultimately what we need to do is what we feel is best for us. What will provide us healing. Then after we make that choice, the ball is in the court of the other person to decide how they react.

So that’s what I did. I felt like what would help me best was by talking to the person about how I felt & by receiving closure. So we talked. And guess what – that peace came to me. I didn’t play the victim of “poor me for this happening”. I didn’t play the persecutor of “how dare you, this is all your fault.” And I didn’t play the rescuer of remaining silent to protect feelings.

If we play any of those roles, we remain within the drama triangle. Nothing is ever solved. The problem remains. No solution will ever be found.

But if we decide to approach the situation with complete accountability for ourselves regardless of outside influences, we will be able to overcome the problem. The drama triangle is broken.

We will be able to change.

And I think that’s what we need more of. Don’t play the victim. Don’t place blame. Don’t do nothing just to be the “peacemaker.” Stand up for YOU. Take accountability of YOU and YOUR ACTIONS and how YOU FEEL.

And finally, choices. If you’re questioning making a certain decision right now, with whatever you choose, make sure it was YOUR CHOICE. Not influenced by anyone else. Because then, if it happened to be the wrong choice, you own up to that choice & you can acknowledge you learned from it. If it was the right choice, awesome! You made that choice for yourself & once again learned from it.

Change. Choices. Drama. Let’s make a change. Let’s make our own choices & be accountable to them. Let’s beat drama & fall out of that triangle.

–gabriela sky–

PS- Check out “Inner Ninja” by Classified because look at these lyrics!! You know me && this song feels kinda applicable hey?? I’m embracing my inner ninja lololol

Hey yo, I‘ve been high and I’ve been real low

I’ve been beaten and broken but I healed though

So many ups and downs, roughed up & clowned

We all got problems, but we deal though

I’m trying to do better now, find my inner peace

Learn my art form, and find my inner chi

When my back’s on the wall, I don’t freeze up

Nah, I find my inner strength and I re-up

SOOOOO GOOD

ok bye love y’all