On March 29th, 2014, I was booked on a conceptually enticing extreme metal show in San Antonio, TX. It was held in honor of Christophe Szpajdel, the infamous “Lord of the Logos” who designed the logos for a good amount of the most relevant black metal bands over the last few decades. Headlined by Abazagorath, every band on the bill had a Christophe-drawn logo. Christophe himself was flown across the Atlantic to be present to draw logos for concertgoers on the spot. But thanks to the abomination that is Facebook, Christophe never made it out of the airport.



Christophe was booked on a flight from Belgium to Philadelphia and scheduled to change flights to Texas. But upon arriving to Philly, he endured intensive police questioning regarding private conversations he was having through Facebook messenger. The law enforcement agents had printed out pages upon pages of messages sent between Christophe and his friends over Facebook (probably all in Dutch), and were questioning him on every detail of every conversation. After hours of intesnive questioning, Christophe was deemed unfit to spend an evening in the United States and was sent packing back to his homeland.

Mind you, Christophe’s conversations were held on foreign soil with foreign citizens and he is not an American. But, because Facebook is apparently the lawless master of the universe, it was perfectly within completely disregard to international law for Christophe’s private conversations to be monitored by an oversees entity. Now, Christophe didn’t have a criminal record back home (unlike most of the illegal immigrants pouring over the Mexican boarder and the mostly adult refugees fleeing Syria)… no, he’s a well mannered cashier at a grocery store who spends his leisure time drawing spooky lettering for Rhianna and Disney. But because Facebook is able to conduct unrestricted surveillance and data mining on everyone everywhere at all times, the scumbag city of Philadelphia was able to use Christophe’s morbid jokes spoken in private conversation as a means of banning him from the country.

This is just another small scale story of events of Facebook raping the human dignity of our society, we get this all the time. All statistics point to Facebook causing isolation and depression and completely ruining western civilization but everyone shrugs their shoulders and keeps posting their photos. Yet every single one of us who has at any point had a Facebook has every single detail of our lives (on and off the platform) in one of the large databases the NSA has been building right in front of our faces.

But thank the heavens, because the infinitely destructive epidemic known as Trump Derangement Syndrome is turning normies and their celebrity gods against Facebook. It’s fine that both their data and that of their friends and family have been sold to third parties for years and years, but if Facebook unwittingly played any part in giving people access to information outside the mainstream media’s narrative cannon (turning them into Trump voters) than by golly there will be hell to pay! It won’t matter that Facebook’s COO was emailing Hillary’s campaign manager saying that the company would try to help Hillary win, because whenever Trump Derangement Syndrome corrupts the hearts of liberals there is nothing but rage and scapegoating.

This is however one time where the miserable celebrities of Hollywood have actually gotten it right: deletion and death of Facebook must happen. I deleted mine in 2011 and my quality of life immediately skyrocketted- I was happier, got better jobs, got hotter roasties, and began winning more in all areas of life. If you’re lonely, depressed, isolated, confused, lost, still a virgin, and/or looking for value and meaning in your life, it is the time to take the plunge. Deleting Facebook is also metal as fuck, think about it… if you’re trying to be all badass and metal but your band is on a normie social media platform like Facebook, then why are you surprised no one is taking you seriously? And don’t worry, Death Metal Underground lost the password to our Facebook account many years ago, which is why we keep winning too. Get onboard, pussy!

Tags: abazagorath, Beast of Revelation, Cambridge Analytica, christophe szpajdel, data mining, decline of western civilization, Disney, donald trump, facebook, Foo Fighters, isolation, logos, lord of the logos, Mark Zuckerberg, metal, metal logos, metal shows, misery, pop music, rape, Rhiana, social media, Trump Derangement Syndrome