How excited is Beutler Ink for 50 Shades of Grey's big premiere? Holy cow! We're so titillated it's all we can do to restrain ourselves. In the meantime, however, we've picked out some of our favorite (read: atrocious) quotes from the book and illustrated them for you—as a tease. As you'll see, the pen is often a blunt instrument in the hands of E.L. James. But the pain of a terrible metaphor only amplifies the pleasure we take from her naughty prose. Feel free to share these with your special someone this Valentine's Day. (But only if they use a safe word.)