mpregnate:

a cis friend reached out to me and apologised for using the wrong pronouns when talking about me to someone else when i wasn’t present. but here’s the thing: in no way did i want to hear that apology.

i don’t want to know you misgendered me. i don’t want you to use the wrong pronouns for me, only for you to then later come running to me with your tail between your legs, crying about how sorry you are, expecting forgiveness without repercussion. i don’t know a single trans person who would.

what this situation lead to, and what it will always lead to, is the trans person being stuck to forgive the cis person, patting their pack and consoling their feelings of guilt. if we don’t, we risk the cis person demonising all trans people, we risk cis people revoking their allyship, we risk mockery, and we risk so much more. it’s a lose-lose situation for trans people: we got reminded we get misgendered, and we have to console the one who did it if we want to be safe.

if you misgender a trans person not present, don’t tell them you did. accept that you fucked up, and next time correct yourself so that you’re not misgendering anyone anymore. trans people get misgendered to their faces often enough as it is. we don’t deserve to be forced to comfort a cis person’s feelings regarding their own guilt after we get misgendered without our knowledge.

the guilt you feel isn’t mine to console… and if you don’t misgender me next time, the guilt will disappear naturally.