I’m doing my first new album of 2020, it’s one day late, and it’s none other than Ozzy Osbourne and his new effort, Ordinary Man, released this past Friday on February 21, 2020 on Epic Records.

Produced by Andrew Watt, the album marks Ozzy’s first studio album in close to ten years since the release of Scream. Rounding out the lineup is Watt on guitar, Duff McKagan of Guns N Roses fame on bass, and Will Fe Chad Smith of Red Hot Chili Peppers fame on drums. Well, let’s dive right in, shall we?

1. “Straight to Hell” (Andrew Wotman/Duff McKagan/Chad Smith/John “Ozzy” Osbourne):

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kSRNrVjISRQ

Kicking things off is the third single off the album, “Straight to Hell”. Besides the core band, we have McKagan’s Guns N Roses bandmate Slash delivering some lead work on here.

The track begins with a dramatic choir to add a sense of flair. Too bad the choir sounds more canned that the black beans molding away deep and dark in your pantry. The track itself has some decent enough riffage, though nothing truly outstanding. I know Andrew Watt is a decent guitar player from that band he was in with Glenn Hughes (hey, another former Sabbath singer) called California Breed. Problem is, Ozzy needs that strong foil, he needs a Randy or a Tony or a Jake or a Zakk, somebody with that X factor, that star power. And Watt doesn’t provide that. Even adding Slash, who, while not a Randy Rhoads, certainly has charisma, his solo is alright but doesn’t seem all that inspired either. McKagan and Chad, I like both of them as players, and they try to make the most of what they’re given, but there’s just not much there. To quote Sally Field, “you can’t put ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag”.

However, there is a decent enough flow to the track and Ozzy gives a serviceable performance. It’s hardly anything to write home about, but I can deal with it. Hopefully, the rest of this album will be better.

2. “All My Life” (Wotman/McKagan/Smith/Osbourne/Ali Tamposi):

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nkNkBQJ3clQ

“All My Life”, the Ozzy ballad. Also helping pen this is Ali Tamposi, who I hadn’t heard of until researching her. As it turns out, she is behind hits like Kellie Clarkson’s “Stronger” (bleh), Camila Cabello’s “Havana” (okay, I don’t mind it), Cabello and Shawn Mendes’ “Señorita” (don’t like it), and a bunch of other songs that remind me of how I hate modern pop.

Don’t know why we needed an outside writer because this is so pedestrian, this feels like every Ozzy ballad we’ve ever gotten like “Tonight” or “So Tired” or that “Imagine” wannabe. In fairness, Duff and Chad provide a strong rhythmic backbone to the song, and even Watt delivers a pretty solid solo. But a good solo and a good rhythm section does not make a good song. If that were the case, later Chili Peppers albums would be good.

Not the worst I’ve heard from Ozzy, but not good either.

3. “Goodbye” (Wotman/McKagan/Smith/Osbourne/Tamposi):

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3NDqssnTrbo

Here we are at “Goodbye”, which begins with a distorted voice that reminds me of “Iron Man”. If “Iron Man” sucked. Then we go into cookie cutter modern rock with Ozzy’s vocal heavily auto-tuned. We get a flanger tinged solo, then the songs shifts tempo for a charged performance.

God, this review sucks. But then again, hey! A shitty, half assed review for a shitty, half assed song. Let’s get to Track Four.

4. “Ordinary Man” (Elton John/Wotman/McKagan/Smith/Osbourne/Will Malone):

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fWUxkZEuJG4

The title track, the fourth single, and we have none other than Sir Elton John on co-lead vocals and piano.

Oh crap, we’re getting a fifth rate “Candle In The Wind”. The melody is so trite, the lyrics absolutely trite, Ozzy’s vocals are so heavily doctored and stripped of any humanizing characteristics that might have helped this song by giving it a soul. Elton John gives a respectable performance of his verse, and we also get a good solo from Slash, but this song is just so forced and so contrived.

Let’s move onto “Under the Graveyard”.

5. “Under the Graveyard” (Wotman/Smith/Osbourne/Tamposi):

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iuzyA5gDa4E

Here, we have the first single off the album, which begins in a way that reminds me of “Take What You Want”. When I first heard this track, all I could really think was “wow, Sharon is really trying to milk the Post Malone train.” Hell, that’s probably the only reason this album exists to begin with.

Revisiting this, it is so muddy sounding, as is the album as a whole. With the technology available and the money that Ozzy has to have (or at least the money that Sharon hasn’t already spent), this is a really weak production job, the sound so squashed to hell. The song structure itself is so paint by numbers, this sounds like some Nickelback or Imagine Dragons or any cookie cutter band you hear on any modern rock station.

Chad Smith is a great drummer, and here, he just sounds like any other rock drummer. Hell, it might as well be Matt Sorum, it’s that faceless and paint-by-numbers. The guitar work is competent and little else. Seriously, you couldn’t be bothered to get Zakk to do some leads? Then again, even on Scream, which I actually didn’t mind, Gus G played on the album but never wrote with Ozzy like Randy or Zakk or Jake did. Gus G, awesome guitar player, but I guess the chemistry wasn’t there, and hey, that happens. With Zakk

Hell, why even get Duff and Chad? To have some name power on the album? I love Duff and I love Chad, but the performances here could have just as easily come from Ozzy’s current guys, who certainly would have been cheaper. Besides, the Ozzy brand and the Post Malone brand is more than enough to carry this album.

I think I’ve said enough about this song, so let’s move on.

6. “Eat Me” (Wotman/McKagan/Smith/Osbourne/Tamposi):

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1OA6ye-1eKU

This track begins with a bit of harmonica work by Ozzy reminiscent of “The Wizard”. Can’t believe I’m having to bring the first Sabbath into discussions of this album. That said, the harmonica has next to nothing to do with the rest of the song, whereas on “The Wizard” it establishes a more blues based sound.

The song isn’t great by any stretch of the cosmos, but the performances salvage the track somewhat to decent filler. Still filler, but decent filler, way too good for this album.

7. “Today Is The End” (Wotman/Smith/Osbourne/Tamposi):

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5HFCItyjCig

Well, we have a song where Duff isn’t credited, with the bass now being handled by Andrew Watt himself.

The song begins with some synth programming designed to give off a horror vibe. But it comes off as some cheap Hot Topic dreck, Seriously, this is some Good Charlotte tripe that I can picture hearing in the mall while shopping for whatever I need, and giving me yet another reason to keep my headphones on and listen to something better. This is so cookie cutter and so half assed, half hearted, uninspired, and yet you have these critics who are going on about how this is “Ozzy’s best in years!”, “he is rejuvenated!” Does Sharon have pictures of these people in barnyards?

8. “Scary Little Green Men” (Wotman/McKagan/Smith/Osbourne/Tamposi):

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qO-4XsEanWA

Oh wow, “Scary Little Green Men”. Little Green Men stopped being scary twenty five years ago, at least, when they proclaimed The Claw as their master.

Oh yeah, Tom Morello from Rage Against the Machine is on here.

So, now we go for a sci-fi vibe. Except no, they just go for gutless radio alt rock. And they’re trying to be scary or whatever, and it’s just goofy, not even a fun goofy. And Tom Morello, I can barely tell he’s here, and he’s someone you can normally identify on record. Ozzy’s voice is as soulless and overproduced as everywhere else on this album

9. “Holy for Tonight” (Wotman/McKagan/Smith/Osbourne/Tamposi):

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=R0O5wpOKBUA

“Holy For Tonight”, this begins actually pretty well, a nice groove laid by Chad. It’s as close as we get to him being Chad throughout this album. And Duff and Watt deliver some decent instrumentation throughout, Ozzy providing a solid vocal.

Structurally, the song is paced poorly, just plodding along, the melody very bland and paint by numbers. Ozzy and crew do fine for what little they’re given to work with. This sounds like some filler tune on the Illusions or a later Chili Peppers record, it’s just very weak and forgettable. And yet, it’s one of the better songs on here.

10. “It’s A Raid” (Wotman/Smith/Osbourne/Tamposi/Louis Bell):

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=atcuCyX__f8

We now come to the first of two Post Malone duets on this record, if we count “Take What You Want” (despite it being a bonus track).

We have Chad pulling a Ramones on the drumsticks before we have a highly distorted bass riff kick in and we get this highly cluttered track, overstuffed with samples and sirens. Structurally, it comes of as a generic punky tune, and while there’s at least some energy here, the song is headache-inducing thanks in large part to its mix. Post Malone’s appearance is largely pointless, Ozzy’s still drenched in autotune, it’s a lackluster track, it’s the official end of the album, but there is a bonus track that I already acknowledged.

11. “Take What You Want” (Wotman/Austin Post/Billy Walsh/Jacques Webster/Osbourne/Bell):

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LYa_ReqRlcs

We now come to basically the whole reason this album exists, which originally appeared on Malone’s third studio album Hollywood Bleeding and was that album’s sixth single. Thanks to this song, Ozzy had his first top ten single since “Shot In The Dark” in 1986, the longest gap between top ten appearances for any artist. It’s also the first song to chart on bthe Mainstream Rock and the hit the Billboard Top Ten since Shinedown’s “Second Chance” in 2009.

If any rock fan or metal fan is waiting for fame to bash this song or Post Malone or whatever, you’re not getting that. Oh sure, I have extremely little to no interest in a full Post Malone album, and those face tattoos are completely idiotic, but there isn’t much to complain about with this song. It’s a solidly written and constructed song, Ozzy is incorporated very well into the track as the one delivering the key hook, and Post Malone and Travis Scott sound good as well. Plus, compared to that Cold Chamber cover of “Shock the Monkey”, this sounds like fucking “Supernaut”.

FINAL THOUGHTS

And that is the end of this album. I definitely don’t recommend this album. It’s pure product, soulless, no real investment from anyone involved in this record, this is just “crap out an album so we can ride the Post Malone train”. And giving Ozzy’s health, this could very well be his last album. And that’s pretty sad.

But you know what? A shitty last album doesn’t define Ozzy anymore than it did the Clash or The Velvet Underground or the Mighty Zep. He’s still Ozzy fucking Osbourne, frontman and original member of Black Sabbath, one of the founding fathers of heavy metal, gave us the late, great Randy Rhoads as well as Jake E Lee and Zakk Wylde, as well as all those classic albums and songs. None of that can be taken from him, and when his time comes, he will be celebrated and cherished as any legend is and should be.