What’s up, motherfuckers?

Listen, I know I haven’t done a proper rant in a loooooong time, and I’m sorry. There just hasn’t been much to rant about. Today, however, I’m gonna rant about something I’ve been wanting to rant about for an equally long time. Today, I’m going to rant about that little destroyer of all things good and fun in the world known as feminism.

“But Slurpee”, I psychically hear you ask while typing this, “if this is a blog about FEMINISM, why is this post tagged RELIGION?” Two reasons, my fine friend. Firstly, feminism is a religion. Face it. Secondly, I refuse to include “feminism” in my tags. I hate it THAT much.

Now, there’s a lot you need to know about these fuckers, but first let’s address the obvious question: why would a liberal like me hate feminists? Well, for the same reason a conservative like Ronald Reagan would still hate Hitler. There’s a difference between being left-wing and being so far left-wing you can’t even see them. These fuckers want to control how you talk. They want to control how you act. A lot of them even want to control how you fucking think. Basically, they want to control you. They’re the worst fucking kind of people. They easily a hundred times worse than fucking Fundies and a bazillion times worse than Republicans. I almost regret mentioning both of these people because now I’m gonna have to apologize to them for unfairly including them in the same fucking paragraph as fucking feminists.

Let’s explore this theme of control a bit more in depth, though; I’ll show you what I mean. We’ll start with the wage gap, one of many imaginary things that feminists worship. A feminist will tell you that the wage gap means that the women make only about 77% of the money men make doing the exact same work. What they won’t tell you is that that’s fucking bullshit. The actual nature of the “wage gap” is that the mean (fany-talk for average) amount of money made by ALL WOMEN IN THE WORLD is about 77% the mean amount of money made by ALL MEN IN THE WORLD. This does not mean that women make less for the same work, it means that women tend to choose work that pays less. When you reveal to the feminist that you know this, she’ll either put on her Bible-blinders… err, I mean, Patriarchy-blinders and continue as if you haven’t refuted her, or say that we need to get women into the higher-paying jobs, which most women aren’t fucking interested in. How do we do this? By forcing women to enter jobs they’re not interested in against their will.

If, for some fucking reason, you’re a WOMAN and you’re reading my blog, don’t think for one fucking second that, just because you’re a woman, that means feminists don’t want to control you. They absolutely do. They want to control everyone.

However, it’s far more obvious that they want to control men. Let’s just look at some of the things women want us men to stop doing, shall we?

Stop wearing shirts with images of women on them, even if they were made for us by our female friends. That’s sexist, and it makes you a horrible person, even if you literally just landed a fucking spacecraft on a fucking comet for the fucking first time ever. Stop saying video games should be about having fun. Obviously, they should be about social justice and feminism. Stop telling rape jokes. Stop sitting on the subway with your legs spread. Stop applying any amount of skepticism to rape claims. Just believe them, even after they’ve already been called into serious question by contradicting evidence. Stop asking women like Rebecca Watson for coffee in elevators. That’s a form of rape somehow. Stop denouncing women for pretending to be part of geek culture to be “cool”.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg, people. They want to control how we dress, they want to control how we play, they want to control how we talk, they want to control how we sit on the motherfucking subway, they want to bring back witch trials, they want asking someone for coffee to be reclassified as a violation, you fucking name it. The important thing to note here is that, not only do they want to control pretty much everything everyone does, they also want they themselves to be absolutely immune to criticism. Sound familiar?

Yeah, like I said before, feminism has all the components of a religion. That’s part of why, as an atheist, I reject it. However, the other, far more important reason is that it’s FUCKING INSANE.

Ah, but I haven’t mentioned the most important component of religion: worship. Do the feminists worship a deity? Well, yes.

They worship a deity known as the Patriarchy, an imaginary organization through which all the world’s males systematically oppress all the world’s females.

Now, before I go any further, I’m perfectly aware that there are countries out there where women absolutely are systematically oppressed. These are countries that need feminism; REAL feminism. ORIGINAL feminism. These are countries that need women’s rights to be the focus because women’s rights are a joke there. I totally get that.

Here in the Western world, however, where women already have the same basic rights as men, to focus on women’s rights is to be a fucking sexist, and it would be sexist everywhere no matter how oppressed women may or may not be if it focused on women’s rights to this fucking degree. I don’t care how oppressed you are or are not, YOU DO NOT DESERVE THE RIGHT TO CONTROL EVERYONE. YOU ARE NOT GOD AND YOU NEVER WILL BE GOD.

So, in summary, the reason I hate feminism is because it’s just so fucking hypocritical. It just sickens me to my stomach to purport to be for freedom but be this fucking controlling and fascist. That’s why the pejorative term “feminazi” fits like a motherfucking glove. It’s an apt description of the movement today. Fuck feminism.

Well, that’s it for today. See you again the next time someone or something pisses me off.