Church of England bishops are leading a call for the government to take a serious stance on knife crime by banning pointed kitchen knives. The suggestion has been met with some confusion, and a lot of jokes.

Church leaders, with support from police, victims, and psychiatrists, penned an open letter to the government, arguing that domestic knives should be redesigned with rounded tips to reduce the number of life-threatening stabbing injuries. They reportedly argue that pointed blades aren’t even needed in this day and age, given that we have forks to eat with.

The absurdity of banning a common kitchen implement was pointed out by bemused netizens, particularly as the proposal comes after police recently announced that they will no longer post images of seized knives “to help reduce the fear of knives,” and as the Home Office uses takeaway packaging to basically tell people that stabbing is bad.

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Despite such ingenious crime-fighting tactics, the government seems to be having little actual effect on violent knife crime rates, and appears to be failing to assure the public that the problem is being dealt with comprehensively.

Many Twitter users were baffled by the suggestion of a pointed kitchen knife ban, wondering if it’s some sort of joke, while others highlighted the fundamental futility of the idea by noting how easy it is to find an alternative sharply-pointed weapon, or to make one.

Clearly none of those involved do a lot of cooking, or thinking for that matter. — Simon Brace (@SimonBraceUK) September 24, 2019 pic.twitter.com/reeZK7b0Ip — George A. Freeland, WEVR (@GAFreeland) September 24, 2019

Some weighed in with creative alternatives to food preparation, should you find yourself bereft of a pointed kitchen knife.

I honestly can't think of a valid reason for anyone to have a knife in their kitchen. Carving a turkey? Rubber spatula. Carving a roast or tenderloin? Ladle. Cutting hard cheese? Tongs. Slicing tomatoes? Meat tenderizer. This is basic kitchen knowledge folks. — Chihoowa' oshi' (@DroppinTheMitts) September 23, 2019

And commenters across the pond were less than impressed with the ‘banning pointy knives’ proposal, with one saying: “When you Europeans get high and mighty about America’s guns and tell us we need to be more like you… this is what comes to mind.”

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