Somewhere in the blighted land of Ravenloft, my party once stumbled across a horrible mutated boar. This thing came crashing out of the woods, fixed its beady little eyes on the group, and charged straight for us. I’m pretty sure it had wandered over from Bloodbourne. It was man-height at the shoulder, heavy as our wagon, covered in weeping sores and squealing like a steam train. My paladin/rogue took one look at that thing, grinned like a mad woman, and said, “Ima ride it.” I’ll admit that I had some trouble staying on the full eight seconds, but hey, there’s no reason to limit your transportation options.

I’ve known gamers to ride dragons, oozes, and even each other. Laurel and I once worked out a cavalier / druid pairing that still makes me grin just thinking about it. The idea was for my gnomish knight to attach a howdah to her shell and repel boarders while she giant-snapping-turtled the shit out of the enemy. Sadly, that duo never saw play. I think maybe my GM didn’t want to deal with ruling on the interaction between mounted combat and a sentient steed.

The single greatest mount I ever had that actually saw play was a tower. We took months in-game enchanting the silly thing, but the results were well worth it. Carved from indestructible black glass, our tower stood hundreds of feet high and handled like a dream. It awed the shit out of the peasantry whenever we flew it around. I’m pretty sure Immigrant Song played spontaneously when we turned the ignition. If memory serves it’s still parked somewhere over the Isle of Terror in the Inner Sea Region, looming provocatively and causing an international incident.

What about you guys though? What’s the weirdest mount you’ve ever employed in-game? Let’s hear it in the comments!

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