The AAS is reporting that two unnamed Texas players had dinner with Andre. Nothing happened. Wait - misread - it was an agent.

The report doesn't tell us who the players are, when it happened, what sort of agent it was (for example dining with a cleaning agent - say a bottle of Snuggles Extra Soft - is not a violation - I looked it up) how much was spent and where they ate. Or even the likely penalty from the NCAA.

So let's take a stab at it here.

Winning entry receives an industrial pallet of Barking Carnival's signature cologne Le Tailgate.

My entry:

Players: Johnny Tseng & Blake Whiteley

Restaurant: Medieval Times

Cost: $904

Agent: Bob Sugar

NCAA Penalty: Death penalty. All Longhorn scholarships voided, DKR turned into a communal agrarian project and the Longhorn Network re-programmed into a 24 hour light erotica channel.

Take your best shot.