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Despite being wheelchair-bound and carrying an air of dignity, Bush is something of a lecherous old coot. And that means if you're a woman posing for a picture with him, keep your eyes on his little broccoli-grabbing digits. He has a habit of butt-fondling these days.

So far, eight women have come forward to accuse Bush of sexual assault, all with similar stories of attending events with the former president and taking the opportunity to pose with him and his wife for photos. During the posing, Bush's hands go all akimbo, and he grabs asses the way a Trump grabs pussies, which is to say without consent.

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Jordana Grolnick, Heather Lind, and others have described how Bush would get them in close to ask if they knew who his favorite magician was. Sometimes he changed it up to "favorite book" ... you know, to keep it fresh. Laughter was then loaded into the chamber and ready to launch, as he busted out the punchline of "David Cop-A-Feel." Laughter was them aborted, as the punchline was accompanied by a wizened Crypt Keeper talon clawing at their asses.

Once the accusations surfaced, Bush's people released a statement:

"To try to put people at ease, the president routinely tells the same joke -- and on occasion, he has patted women's rears in what he intended to be a good-natured manner. Some have seen it as innocent; others clearly view it as inappropriate. To anyone he has offended, President Bush apologizes most sincerely."

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The further explanation offered, "His arm falls on the lower waist of people with whom he takes pictures." Which is basically Bush's people saying, "His hand is at ass level, so what do you expect?"

So what most people (and the law) would view as sexual harassment and assault, the ex-president views as good-natured fun with a complete stranger. Some may argue that this is no big deal, that he's just an old man who's harmless. And to that I say first that the earliest alleged incident so far is from 1992. And second, his oldness is a compounding factor in the grossness. It's always offensive to grab someone's ass. Most parents teach their fucking three-year-olds that.