$22,000,00. That’s how much the Twins need to eat of Phil Hughes’ contract after he was designated for assignment on Monday.

So how, as Twins fans, can we help?

Okay so Target Field has a maximum attendance figure of 38,649.

10 dugout box sections, ~144 seats in each, 80 bucks for tickets.

80 x 144 x 10 = $115,200

2 side dugout sections, 136 seats in each, 62 bucks for tickets.

62 x 136 x 2 = $16,864

4 Diamond Box sections, around 720 seats in each, 32 bucks for tickets.

34 x 720 x 4 = $97,920

4 field boxes, around 850 seats, 30 bucks a seat.

30 x 850 x 4 = $102,000

8 infield boxes, 408 seats a section, 39 bucks a seat.

39 x 408 x 8 = $127,296

11 home plate boxes, 384 seats a section (averaged), 51 bucks a seat.

51 x 384 x 11 = $215,424

4 “The Deck” Sections, 336 seats a section, 25 dollars per butt.

25 x 336 x 4 = $33,600

8 field view sections, 308 seats per section, 12 bucks a seat.

12 x 308 x 8 = $29,568

8 field boxes, 308 seats a section, 15 bucks a seat.

15 x 308 x 8 = $36, 960

11 home plate view sections, 384 seats in each, 18 bucks a ticket.

18 x 384 x 11 = $76,032

28 Terraces, 98 seats, about 24 bucks a ticket.

24 x 98 x 24 = $56,448

17 suites, about $5,000 for one.

17 x $5,000 = $85,000

6 home run porches, 384 seats in each, 12 bucks a pop.

12 x 384 x 6 = $27,648

6 “bullpen overlook” sections, 264 seats, 17 dollars for a seat.

264 x 17 = $4,488

4 Left Field Bleacher sections, 384 seats in each, 17 dollars per sunburn.

17 x 384 x 4 = $26,112

Budweiser standing room has 224 tickets, 12 bucks for one.

224 x 12 = $2,688

Budweiser fixed seating, has 119 seats with a 27 dollar cover charge.

119 x 27 = $3,213

5 standing room only sections, 600 people each, 20 bucks to get in.

20 x 600 x 5 = $60,000

4 Right field stands, 406 seats in each, 12 bucks each.

12 x 406 x 4 = $19,488

4 Right field terrace seats, 96 in a section, 20 bucks per seat.

20 x 96 x 4 = 7,680

3 Rose sections, 77 seats each, 20 dollars a seat.

20 x 77 x 3 = $4,620

2 Great Clips Great Seat sections, 98 seats a Great section, 34 dollars a Great seat.

34 x 98 x 2 = $6,664

That’s just tickets. Who goes to a baseball game and leaves hungry?

Incoming: Heavy Amounts of General Speculation

38,649 fans, we’ll say 1.2 Schweigert™ hot dogs. We figure 1.2 because people are more likely to eat 1 hot dog than have 2 and the lowish figure accounts for people who go to Fogo before the game.

38,649 x 1.2 x the hotdog’s 5 dollar price = $231,895

People need to swig down that dog right?

We figure 2.1 Beers per person and .75 Souvenir Sodas per person. Both figures are probably pretty wrong but I think they cancel each other out.

81,162 beers x $11 = $892,782

28,987 Souvenir Sodas x 8 = $231, 896

It would be so easy to stop.

More speculation; tell me I’m wrong but,

2% of fans get dropped off, 3% Uber/Lyft/Taxi, another 3% walk or bike, 27% take the train or the bus. that’s 35%.

8% of people come alone, in their car. 3,091 cars.

45% of people come in a car that is carrying between 2 and 4 people. We figure the average amount of people in these cars is 3.2.

17,392 people divided by 3.2 = 5,435 cars.

the remaining 12% come in cars, 5.7975 (because it makes a nice whole number) people per car.

4,638 / 5.7975 = 800

3,091 + 5,435 + 800 = 9,326 cars x 20 dollars for parking = $186,520.

I have no illusions that Minnesota Twins LLC. gets all of this money, but the math is easier if that is how we calculate it.

Last part, merchandise.

10% of visitors to any given Twins game are First Time Visitors (we think). 3,865 visitors. We speculate first time visitors would spend 40 dollars on merchandise.

3,865 x 40 = $154,680

We also speculate 4.5% of fans will spend 60 dollars per visit.

1,739 x 60 = $104,352

THE FINAL CALCULATION

Tickets——————————————————————–$1,154,913

Hot Dogs——————————————————————–$231,895

Beers————————————————————————-$892,782

Pop—————————————————————————-$231,896

Parking———————————————————————-$186,520

Merchandise————————————————————–$259,032

Add that all together for: $2,957,038

22 million divided by that is 7.4

All we need to do is sell out the next 8 Twins home games, have everybody buy 1.2 hot dogs, .75 pops and 2.1 beers. Then, at least 8% of people need to drive to the game alone, 45% need to come in a car with 2-4 people (preferably over 3.2/car), 12% need to come in a car with more than 4 people (preferably over 5.79/car). In addition to that, 10% of visitors need to be first timers AND spend over 40 dollars on merchandise while 4.5% spend more than 60 dollars on merchandise.

Or we could just trade Phil Hughes by Tuesday.