CHICAGO—Concerned about the welfare of the “cold and kind of lonely-looking” submissive chained to a street sign outside of a coffee shop, sympathetic passersby discussed the ethics Friday of leaving one’s gimp tied to a pole while one buys a latte. “It’s really cold out here, especially with this wind, and the poor little painslut’s wearing rhinestone-studded leather chaps,” said passerby Lee Schroeder of the disoriented masochist whose neglectful master had emerged from the shop only once in a two-hour period to perfunctorily whip him and piss in his mouth. “Should I go over and see if he’s okay, maybe fist him a little? I considered cock-and-ball torturing him earlier, but you never know if these little guys are gonna bite. God, my heart always breaks when I see a fucktoy all by himself, barking ‘Spank me, Daddy!’ over and over while his dom is inside wearing noise-cancelling headphones.” Observers were later able to breathe a sigh of relief as the gimp’s owner came out, untied him, and ran a Wartenberg pinwheel over his nipples.

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