Photograph by Scott Olson/Getty

CHARLESTON (The Borowitz Report)—Americans who watched Thursday night’s Republican debate on the Fox Business Network expressed deep disappointment that the billionaire Donald J. Trump and Texas Senator Ted Cruz did not actually punch each other’s faces in the course of the contest.

In interviews with voters across the country, those who viewed the debate complained that their hopes had been “unfairly raised” that the two candidates’ fists would come into contact with each other’s faces, and said that they were extremely irritated when that did not occur.

“When Cruz started talking about Trump’s mother, that’s when I thought it was going to happen,” Tracy Klugian, a disappointed viewer from Akron, Ohio, said. “He was standing right next to him. He could have punched his lights out. He could have thrown Cruz to the ground and start kicking him and whatnot. But nothing.”

Harland Dorrinson, a viewer from Tempe, Arizona, said that he was “dismayed” by Cruz’s failure to physically injure Trump. “Any number of times, he could have just grabbed his head and banged it against the podium—boom, boom, boom,” he said. “The fact that he didn’t makes me wonder what kind of President he would be.”

Carol Foyler, of San Dimas, California, said that she was also disappointed that Kentucky Senator Rand Paul was not included in the debate. “It would have been nice to see someone punch him in the face,” she said.