BOSTON—Positively salivating at the unsuspecting customer moving in her direction, flight attendant Melissa Holmes reportedly licked her lips Friday as a traveler approached the gate with a large suitcase. “Yeah, that’s right—take that overpacked Samsonite and come to Mama,” said Holmes, rubbing her hands together with gleeful anticipation as the oblivious man wheeled his bulging roller case into the boarding line. “I thought my day was made when that woman tried to sneak through with two personal items, but this is going to be sweet. I can’t wait to see him struggle to squeeze his luggage into the carry-on baggage-sizer. He’ll probably even unzip it right here on the airport floor and scramble to rearrange everything inside. Mmm, I can practically taste it already.” At press time, after the passenger had successfully proven that his suitcase was small enough, a grinning Holmes informed him that she would unfortunately still need to check it since the overhead compartments were already full.

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