Terms of use

She’s right, according to Instagram’s Terms of Use, you must be at least 13 years old to use the service. If Instagram allowed children (12 or under) to use their service, they would be subject to COPPA, the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act, which is both very complicated and very risky. It’s much easier for Instagram, or Twitter, or Facebook, or (insert popular online service here) to simply state that users must be 13 or older (18 for some services like YouTube) in their terms of service.

Side note—COPPA is a great example of outdated legislation. It defines “website or online service” as…

a home page of a website; a pen pal service; an electronic mail service; a message board; or a chat room.

Instagram doesn’t fit any of those descriptions, but this is another post for another time. The thing that bothered me most about starting this email with a mention of Instagram’s terms of service was that it was a straw man argument, a distraction from the real point she’s trying to make, which comes next…

Let kids be kids

She immediately goes on to say, “Our children grow up so fast. Let them stay young as long as we can.” Kids staying young sounds endearing, but it simplifies a complicated set of issues for parents.

As a parent, it is my job to provide a safe environment for my children to grow up in. They will grow up regardless, but I can help define the pace of their emotional maturation by providing boundaries that allow for safe exploration into the coming world of being a teenager, and next, being an adult.

Letting my kids stay young as long as possible is not a parenting goal of mine.

In fact, taken at face value, I’m confident this parenting strategy would do more harm than good. It is a goal of mine to foster a child-like perspective which produces imaginative play and a sociable personality, both of which allow my kids to be kids and provide a good foundation for being a successful, functioning adult.

The rate at which children mature physically, mentally, and emotionally, is highly individualized. Some kids just grow up faster than others. If the email I received signifies that this school has a goal of keeping kids young for as long as possible, I’m not sure that the school and I are on the same page.

Instagram isn’t forcing my son to grow up faster. In fact, it’s helping him maintain an open mind and a playful imagination. It’s also providing me a window in to his world, which I love. I’m his biggest fan.

Hurtful comments

The email subsequently explains that children “…often don’t have the maturity to disregard hurtful comments.”

I’m 37 years old, and I’m not sure that I have the maturity to disregard hurtful comments!

Hurtful comments are, unfortunately, a part of life. They start on the playground in elementary school and, from my experience thus far, continue into the professional workplace. Social media exacerbates this problem by making it really easy to send a hurtful comment from the comfort of your own computer or phone. It’s one thing to say something hurtful to someone’s face. It’s much easier to type it in the comment field on an Instagram photo.

So yes, social media can expose kids (and adults) to more hurtful comments, but in today’s age, removing the possibility of getting a hurtful comment via social media is the equivalent of having your kid sit out of recess because they might also receive hurtful comments on the monkey bars. I don’t want my kids to miss recess. I want them to play, have fun, and learn how to deal with hurtful comments in a healthy way. Expecting anyone to simply disregard hurtful comments is not realistic, regardless of age.

The email goes on to say, “They will have plenty of time to face those issues.”

My son, Cadence

Spoiler alert

They are already facing those issues at school. The earlier they can start learning to deal with adversity, the better. At some point, online or off, children will be made fun of, put down, and bullied. It will definitely happen well before they are 13 years old. If I work really hard to isolate my children from the possibility of hurtful comments before they are 13, all I’m really doing is delaying, and handicapping, their ability to deal with the hurt.