I am your average Canadian young adult spending a year abroad living with two Portuguese women in Iceland. I can say I’ve learned a few things from my faithful Portuguese at some point or another.

1. Every recipe should contain onions at some point

Making rice? Fry some onions first. Pasta? Same deal. If you want to eat it for dinner, you better throw in some onions.

2. Your shoes are ugly and cost less in Portugal

Seriously. Your shoes probably smell like rubber. That means they are bad quality. Your shoes aren’t sexy with that outfit. Don’t wear those. They don’t make your calves look nice. I could buy those for 5 euros in Portugal.

3. They actually conquered lots of shit or something like that

Portugal was an empire! A big one. We discovered more than Brazil – we promise! Those British just stole our glory from us.

4. If you want to go to the beach, go to Portugal

We have 3 of the best beaches in the world. In the world. Why don’t they teach you these things in school.

5. Portuguese is the 6th most spoken language in the world

We understand Italian, French, and Spanish. It is just because they are all like Portuguese. Brazilians – they speak cute Portuguese. It is only funny if you speak Portuguese.

6. Walking too fast is rude

You are walking too fast. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Slow down. It is rude to walk in front of me, walk beside me.

7. The play-by-play is required

Where are you going? What are you doing? Who are you texting? What are you cooking?

8. Hair Conditioner and Air Conditioner are pronounced the same

We just don’t pronounce the “H”. The author would here like to point out that if you say you bought “air” conditioner and you mean hair conditioner, English native speakers will be very very confused.

9. It’s Lisboa

Not Lisbon. Lish-bow-ah. Say the city properly.

10. Pastries are better and more proliferous in Portugal

You will walk into a shop and the walls will be lined with pastries and they all cost like 50 cents. O you get a coffee with this too and not like this North American watered down thing, real coffee.