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Sex toys might come with instructions, but there’s no right or wrong way to use them.

That’s according to Julia Napolitano, sex educator at Early to Bed, a sex-positive adult store in Chicago. Though toys are used by all kinds of couples in all kinds of ways — regardless of their gender identity or sexual orientation — a trip to your local sex shop or favorite sexessories site might make you think otherwise.

Many sex toy brands still market directly and indirectly to straight, cisgender couples, but that doesn’t mean the options are bare for queer couples who want to add a new toy to their nightstand. In fact, couples of all kinds can easily find the good vibes they want, so long as they know what to look for.

“I always tell people that if you dream of trying something, even if it’s a product not marketed to your gender or body parts, go for it,” Napolitano says. “If you think you can use it for your own purposes, you probably can.”

To that end, we asked some of the industry’s most knowledgeable sexperts to recommend their favorite sex toys for queer couples.

Here’s what they had to say about the best sex toys for LGBTQ+ couples:

1 Lube Lovehoney Great for: everyone







“Lube is a starting point for everything,” says Julia Napolitano, sex educator at Water-based lube is good for most sex acts, as it is safe on silicone toys and OK to use on all body parts. People with vaginas should look for glycerin-free lube, as glycerin can be a vaginal irritant. Silicone lube is smoother and harder to wash off, making it ideal for external play, water play and anal sex, but Napolitano warns that it is not safe to use with silicone toys. “Lube is a starting point for everything,” says Julia Napolitano, sex educator at Early to Bed is good for most sex acts, as it is safe on silicone toys and OK to use on all body parts. People with vaginas should look for, as glycerin can be a vaginal irritant.is smoother and harder to wash off, making it ideal for external play, water play and anal sex, but Napolitano warns that it is not safe to use with silicone toys. 2 The Shilo Dildo Babeland Great for: anyone looking for a penetrative toy





Lisa Finn, a queer-identifying sex educator at Babeland, recommends the Shilo dildo for penetrative play. “It’s designed to be poseable, so you can tuck for packing, and then straighten it into an erect shape for penetrative play. During play, the flexibility of toy will allow it to move with the body for a more natural feeling, and makes switching to new positions comfortable and easy.







“If you want the whole package (pun intended) you can pair it with the Lisa Finn, a queer-identifying sex educator at, recommends the Shilo dildo for penetrative play. “It’s designed to be poseable, so you can tuck for packing, and then straighten it into an erect shape for penetrative play. During play, the flexibility of toy will allow it to move with the body for a more natural feeling, and makes switching to new positions comfortable and easy.“If you want the whole package (pun intended) you can pair it with the matching Love Bump ," Finn says. 3 The Pulse 3 Stimulator Babeland Great for: anyone with a penis





Masturbation sleeves are great sex toys for anyone with a penis, says Finn, who recommends the Pulse Stimulator. It's a sleeve that uses pulses to stimulate hot spots along the shaft, targeting the nerve-rich frenulum and corona.







Though it does make a great solo toy, the Pulse also features a second external vibrator to stimulate a partner’s sweet spots “Plus, it’s remote controlled,” Finn says, “so you can add in some fun foreplay from across the room and let your partner take control of your pleasure.” Masturbation sleeves are great sex toys for anyone with a penis, says Finn, who recommends. It's a sleeve that uses pulses to stimulate hot spots along the shaft, targeting the nerve-rich frenulum and corona.Though it does make a great solo toy, the Pulse also features a second external vibrator to stimulate a partner’s sweet spots “Plus, it’s remote controlled,” Finn says, “so you can add in some fun foreplay from across the room and let your partner take control of your pleasure.” 4 The Inspire Silicone Dilator Set Amazon Great for: trans women





“Many trans women who choose to get bottom surgery are recommended to use dilators to help promote ease of intercourse,” says Andy Duran, sex education director at Inspire Silicone Dilator Set are wonderful because not only do they help for dilation, but they also make wonderful pleasure products too.” “Many trans women who choose to get bottom surgery are recommended to use dilators to help promote ease of intercourse,” says Andy Duran, sex education director at Good Vibrations . “Sets like theare wonderful because not only do they help for dilation, but they also make wonderful pleasure products too.” 5 The Realdoe Strapless Strap On Lovehoney Great for: anyone looking for a penetrative toy





Strap on, double-sided dildos are often cited as one of the best sex toys for lesbian couples, but they can really be enjoyed by anyone, Napolitano says.







For trans men/cis woman couples, Napolitano recommends the Realdoe Strapless Strap-On Dildo Vibrator, and playing with positions to find the right fit. “It’s often easier to have the person receiving penetration be on top, while the wearer lies on their back." Strap on, double-sided dildos are often cited as one of the best sex toys for lesbian couples, but they can really be enjoyed by anyone, Napolitano says.For trans men/cis woman couples, Napolitano recommends, and playing with positions to find the right fit. “It’s often easier to have the person receiving penetration be on top, while the wearer lies on their back." 6 Clitorial Stimulators Dame Products Great for: anyone with a clitoris





If you can’t get off on penetration alone, but find holding a toy during sex to be both difficult and distracting, you’re not alone. Instead, a clitorial stimulator like the Eva II will take your bedroom play to new heights. It fits easily under your labia using flexible wings, which allows you to experience hands-free clitoral stimulation during penetration. If you can’t get off on penetration alone, but find holding a toy during sex to be both difficult and distracting, you’re not alone. Instead, a clitorial stimulator like thewill take your bedroom play to new heights. It fits easily under your labia using flexible wings, which allows you to experience hands-free clitoral stimulation during penetration. 7 BuckOff FTM Stroker Amazon Great for: trans men





Created by trans adult film star Buck Angel, the Buck Off FTM Stroker is an excellent stroker for trans men who may have experienced some growth while taking testosterone.



“Many trans masculine folks find that using the Buck Off gives them more of a ‘penetrating sensation’ of their phallus as opposed to other products designed for clitoral use,” Duran says. Created by trans adult film star Buck Angel, theis an excellent stroker for trans men who may have experienced some growth while taking testosterone.“Many trans masculine folks find that using the Buck Off gives them more of a ‘penetrating sensation’ of their phallus as opposed to other products designed for clitoral use,” Duran says. 8 b-Vibe Rimming Plug Babeland Great for: anyone who enjoys anal play





Duran says the bVibe rimming plug is a must for couples who enjoy anal play.







“Its neck has rotating beads to provide stimulation [that] can be felt throughout the entire shaft. It’s also remote-control operated so your partner can be in control of your pleasure!” Duran says theis a must for couples who enjoy anal play.“Its neck has rotating beads to provide stimulation [that] can be felt throughout the entire shaft. It’s also remote-control operated so your partner can be in control of your pleasure!” 9 Nipplettes Vibrating Nipple Clamps Lovehoney Great for: everyone





“Both men and women may experience heightened sensation in their nipples,” says Laurel House, a dating and empowerment coach and resident sex expert at nipple clamps particularly exciting for cis women, lesbians and trans women." “Both men and women may experience heightened sensation in their nipples,” says Laurel House, a dating and empowerment coach and resident sex expert at My First Blush . Though men do enjoy nipple play, House says the sensation is likely stronger with increased hormones. “It’s often a surge of hormones that increase the sensation, makingparticularly exciting for cis women, lesbians and trans women."