Insecure, Attention-Starved Right Wingers are Marching in Portland Saturday; Here's How to Beat 'Em

"Hi, just dropping in to troll you." KENTON WALTZ

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Tomorrow (Saturday June 29) officially marks the beginning of "idiot right wingers from Vancouver traveling to Portland to stir up shit" season. Two competing groups of dummies—theand(apparently Patriot Prayer's Joey Gibson can't make it because he has other people to annoy)—will be marching around trying to engage Portlanders in fights starting at noon in some or all of the following places, according to Portland Police: Pioneer Square, Chapman Square, and Waterfront Park.

If you plan on actively ignoring these sad, insecure, attention-starved losers... GOOD FOR YOU! Go enjoy a nice day and prepare for the World Naked Bike Ride tomorrow night. (Consider getting a spray tan.)

However, if you're more in the mood to stand up to the right's hate-mongering bullshit, and show their victims that we stand on a much higher moral ground—GOOD FOR YOU, TOO. But consider this....

These groups thrive on attention—yours specifically. They are under the very mistaken impression that because the majority of the world doesn't agree with them, that must mean they're simply not being heard. So they scream their inaccuracies ever-louder and when that doesn't work, set out to punish the rest of us—usually by trolling. (As with children, sometimes negative attention beats no attention at all.)

Here's something I wrote last year about how to combat the Joey Gibsons of the world, and I think it holds true for the Proud Boys and Haley's sad-sack men's group:

Activists are right: Simply ignoring this roving band of dorks doesn’t do enough, and the refusal to confront their racism only makes their targets feel less safe. However—and this is what we’re forgetting—there are different types of confrontation. If the past year has taught us anything, physical confrontation is exactly what these losers want in order to promote their disingenuous “we’re so persecuted” narrative. And local and national media are all too happy to play along. What’s the primary focus of news reports that follow these altercations? Is it the hundreds of peaceful anti-fascists who show up to counter Patriot Prayer’s misanthropy, or the minuscule number of people who throw a punch? (That’s a rhetorical question, because you know the answer.) So if we put aside punch throwing, what kind of confrontation can work? A possible answer is “creative humiliation.”

Fact: Right-wingers and Republicans are the least funny people on earth. And humiliation is their kryptonite. So consider marching beside them carrying a sign that reads, "Aliens Have Infiltrated Our Government!" (Don't forget to misspell both "infiltrated" and "government.") If they ask who you're with, just smile and say, "You!"

If you're part of a large group, turn your collective backs on them when they walk by. This will hurt their feelings, because they got all dressed up in their gladiator costumes, and secretly want you to be impressed.

Or go to a more positive counter-protest like the one being put on tomorrow by PopMob called "Milkshake," which is "a counter-protest and LGBTQIA2S+ allied dance party against fascism." They're inviting "all Portlanders to join us in Lownsdale Square [from noon to 3 pm] for a surprise special guest DJ, dancing, free vegan milkshakes, and showing the alt-right we won’t let hate grow here — especially not on the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall Uprising!" These people know what they're doing... so why not join 'em?

We all know by now that we can't trust the Portland Police to stand up for Portlanders in this situation—and if you disagree, may I remind you of THIS? That's why we need a different way of reacting to these hopeless right wing dummies. They're not playing by your rules. So change the rules again, this time in your favor.