ALYSSA

Thanks for the update, Lars! Welcome back from the break. I’m here with Jess and Crisanto to continue our discussion on the title short story from Andrezj Sapkowski’s The Last Wish, “The Last Wish.” So, when we left off, Geralt had come into the town of Rinde with Dandelion, who was attacked by a djinn or genie. And he had gone seeking for help, and he had found Yennefer, the only sorceress in town. At this point in the story, Geralt has visited her. She's decided to help him. It turns out she trapped him and has now sent him into town in order to feel some sort of purpose, and the Witcher has blacked out.

In Part VI, Geralt wakes in a dungeon with Chireadan, who fills him in on the day’s events. The Witcher, possessed and in a trance, marched around town harassing each of the councilors who had wronged Yennefer. On his way to the temple, where an entire unit of municipal guards was waiting for him, he fainted. Chireadan got involved with the guards and they were both thrown into the dungeon. Chireadan apologizes to Geralt for not attempting to stop him and admits to Geralt that he is “fascinated” by Yennefer and was afraid of the witcher hurting her. Dungeon guards arrive on behalf of a councilor, Laurelnose, and beat the witcher. One mocks Geralt asking if he needs anything from the councilor, if the witcher has “any wishes at all.” Geralt responds, “Just one. That you burst, you son-of-a-whore.” … and the guard turns red, clutching his stomach, and bursts. So, this is very much like Geralt comes to an almost a hangover-style moment, where he has no understanding of the events that happened after Yennefer really, like, set him loose on the town. He's learning about all of this from Chireadan. And he's just groaning and just, like, “Oh, did I really do that?”

JESS

Yeah. I think it gets progressively worse and worse. He's like, “What? I did what?” It's just like your worst hangover moment. You're right.

ALYSSA

And I'm sure that there are probably people listening to this that can relate. I personally cannot relate, but I'm sure that there's someone out there that'll be like, “Mhmm.”

JESS

I can't either. I don't think I've ever been, like, blackout drunk before.

CRISANTO

Yeah. Same here.

JESS

Yeah. Oh, look who’s that!

CRISANTO

I’ve never experienced such an incident.

JESS

No, have you?

CRISANTO

Blackout drunk? No. I mean not to the point that like I pulled down the pants of another villager --

JESS

Oh.

CRISANTO

-- and like --

ALYSSA

Beat him?

CRISANTO

-- beat him with a belt.

ALYSSA

And then especially for Geralt just like learning that he was basically harassing the whole city to the point where you had an entire unit of guards just waiting for him. And I think they mentioned that they basically had everything from the armory, except for an actual like trebuchet or --

JESS

Wow. Go get them, Geralt.

ALYSSA

So, to back up for a second, Geralt left Errdil’s. He went straight to a pawnbroker and just punched the pawnbroker across the face completely unprompted, left that, went straight to Laurelnose, the apothecary’s place, drags him out of his home, pulls down his pants in front of this entire crowd, and just starts lashing him with a belt.

JESS

Yo.

ALYSSA

I think he says something about like this is the kind of gossiping that a child would do. So, you get a child's punishment. And then he just lashes him on the ass. And it's just like, ah, it's funny, but it's awful.

JESS

He’s got the quips. And, in this case, actual whips.

ALYSSA

Oh, no.

CRISANTO

Oh, the witty quips. The quitty whips.

JESS

Right. He's got some quitty whips literally.

ALYSSA

Oh, lord. After Chireadan lets Geralt know what has happened, Chireadan apologizes to the Witcher that he didn't stop him earlier. He's like, “I could have tried.” And Geralt is just like, “Based from a trance and based on my own personal strength, you wouldn't have been able to stop me.” Chireadan says like, “No, but I didn't want to stop you because I didn't want you to hurt her. I was afraid that, if I broke the trance and somehow if I'd stopped you somehow, when you came to, you would go back and you’d try to hurt Yennefer. And I didn't want that. It was never about you. It was about her.” And you see here how deeply he, like, “loves her.”

JESS

This is when you cue Asher’s You Got It Bad.

CRISANTO

Give this guy some apple juice. He is thirsty.

JESS

Yeah. This is a really interesting way to manifest his little crush on her just like, “I'm trying to protect her. So, I’ll protect her by, like, beating some other guy.” Like, I'm not sure if I totally believe him. He might be, like, trying to, like, get some, some aggression out. Like, “Ah, it's clear that, like, Yennefer and you have some chemistry.”

CRISANTO

That’s a total fuck boy move let’s be real.

JESS

Word.

ALYSSA

Yeah. Yeah. It's not great. I mean, like, everything that seems to drive Chireadan throughout this chapter is just his one-sided love for Yennefer. It's definitely weird. She does take advantage of it repeatedly throughout the whole chapter and acknowledges that she does. And here in – like, in this moment of vulnerability with Geralt, who just seems to draw vulnerability out from whoever he's with no matter the occasion.

CRISANTO

He's a listener.

JESS

Yeah.

CRISANTO

He’s a sensitive boy.

JESS

He’s one of those people. He just brings it out of people.

ALYSSA

I wonder if he’s just so quiet that people feel the need to fill the void with him.

JESS

That’s exactly it.

ALYSSA

And just, like, keep talking.

JESS

I bet. Yeah.

CRISANTO

Well, while he's not trying to, like, extrapolate information, he's just staring at you. He's like, “Yeah. Go on. Keep talking.”

ALYSSA

Dungeon guards arrive on behalf of Laurelnose and beat the Witcher. One mocks Geralt and asks him if he needs anything. And they just kind of keep mocking him. They pin down his arms. They pin down his feet. The warden just starts beating the Witcher. They provoke him enough that the Witcher just says in spite, “One wish. That you burst you son of a whore.” And then the guard just grabs his stomach. He turns red and just explodes.

JESS

He literally burst.

ALYSSA

Which, ugh, I'm imagining – again, it's August. So, Stranger Things Season Three released recently.

CRISANTO

Oh, yeah.

ALYSSA

And there was a bunch of that. There was a lot of, like, bursting in Stranger Things Three.

JESS

Gross.

ALYSSA

So, that's the only thing – that's, that's the visual that's coming to mind right now.

CRISANTO

A lot of insides becoming outsides.

JESS

Oooh.

CRISANTO

Yeah. At this point, I thought that Yennefer did it or Geralt unknowingly, but yeah, we'll go into that.

ALYSSA

In Part VII, Geralt and Chireadan are brought to Mayor Neville’s office, where they are joined by the Priest Krepp. Geralt tells the mayor and priest most of the events at the river. Suddenly, a portal appears in the wall and Dandelion through it, hollering that the Witcher is innocent. The group tries to get to the bottom of his yelling before Krepp realizes that Yennefer forced the bard to give up his last wish in hopes to capture the djinn before it returns to its own dimension. Thunder booms outside and everyone rushes to the window, where they see the djinn above, above Errdil’s tavern despite Yennefer’s magical bindings. The Witcher asks Krepp to reopen and stabilize the portal. Geralt passes through the portal to Errdil’s inn. So, Krepp is a religious figure. He was the next person that was on Yennefer's list for Geralt. After the pawnbroker and Laurelnose, Geralt was about to go after the priests in the temple and because he was like giving out large sermons about Yennefer and her sins and everything. And Krepp starts to explain, like, the mechanics of what djinns are, where they come from, how sorcerers can use them for magic. Krepp here says that, you know, there are different planes and dimensions, which relate to the elements. So, water, fire, air, and earth.

CRISANTO

So, these four powers in The Avatar Returns. I’m a true children of pop culture. And it had gotten way too saturated.

ALYSSA

I know. We've had way too many pop culture references. Ahh.

JESS

It's funny. You were thinking about Avatar. I was thinking of Earth, Wind, and Fire, “Do you remember?”

CRISANTO

Remember.

JESS

Do any songs.

ALYSSA

Krepp goes on to say that each of these elements has its own dimension, which is called a plane. Each of these planes are inhabited by different kinds of genies. Air genies being djinns. He explains that a genie like this is a reservoir of magical energy, which sorcerers can draw from to expand their powers. Krepp also confirms, the idea that Geralt is skeptical of, that djinns can grant wishes. Three wishes come from each genie. Then it's free and escapes to its own dimension.

JESS

Yeah. Actually, going back to what you said before about how, like, there's a water plane, a fire plane, and so on. I thought that was really interesting. When I was reading, I was like, “Ooh, what does that mean for each genie?”

ALYSSA

The overall powers that they possess. I'm not sure how broad they are. Because he does mention that an earth genie once helped a wizard move a mountain, because it was just locking his view from his tower or Sapkowski doesn't really note here if, for example, moving earth is a power exclusive to earth genies or if like any genie can do that.

JESS

Yeah. That's what I was wondering while I was reading. I thought that it was interesting that it's a different element attached and how does that affect, you know, what kind of magic that they do. And that's what I like and don't like about short stories actually. Because, with short stories, you kind of get little pieces, and it kind of introduces something. It teases a little something. And you don't get, like, the full-blown mythology of this.

CRISANTO

It's a teaser. Yeah. There's two straight pages of exploits in here, where it’s just like trying to understand the mechanics of where the genie you come from, why – what's happening, why did this guy burst. It's hilarious. There's a little buddy cop routine between Krepp and Neville. Neville is just like, “Oh, my town! But my town.”

JESS

Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Correct.

CRISANTO

All the while Krepp is like, “You've unleashed – you unleashed this apocalyptic power upon our world. You and this woman, how dare you!” All the while Neville is like, “My town!”

ALYSSA

They're very true to their positions --

CRISANTO

Yeah.

ALYSSA

-- the two of them, you know, as the priest and as the mayor respectively.

CRISANTO

True bureaucrats. And, yeah, we do get the – we’re understanding how deep Yennefer's threads attach to the narrative.

JESS

Geralt’s.

CRISANTO

And Geralt, yeah, he's just – he's our surrogate everyday guy just at this moment. Like, “Oh, this is happening now. And this is terrible.”

ALYSSA

Yeah. So, they're having this discussion. And then, all of a sudden, Dandelion just pops into this portal. They're trying to figure out what the hell is going on, because this happens very suddenly. No one was expecting it. And Dandelion is just kind of screaming. He says that, you know, Yennefer woke him up or that I guess he was awake, and she just tells him – say that this is your wish – my only wish to say that the Witcher is innocent. And she just shoves him through the portal. Krepp, at this point, makes the connection that Yennefer just made Dandelion say his last wish. Now, she's going to try to capture the genie. And, as that happens, they hear this huge boom outside. And everyone rushes to the window. I'm imagining it like Friends when they go to run and see Ugly Naked Guy.

JESS

Yes.

ALYSSA

Just the six of them piled on the window peering out. The djinn is out of Errdil’s tavern and just wreaking havoc in the town despite being bound down magically. The Mayor Neville is just freaking out about this town. Geralt, again, just says like, “Krepp, I need you to do this thing. Open the portal.” And Krepp starts giving him this huge monologue about like, “But the sin. But your sin. But her sin.” Like --

CRISANTO

Like taxes. They’re like taxes.

ALYSSA

And then Geralt was like, “Yeah, okay, whatever. But, like, can you do it? Can you actually do it?” And Krepp was like, “Ah, yeah.” So, Krepp opens the portal and then, on his way out, the Witcher asks, “That exorcism that made you really angry. What were – what do the words mean?” Krepp says like, “Indeed, what a moment for quips and jokes.” Geralt says, you know, “Please Mr. Krepp, sir.” It reminds me of Tom Holland’s Spider Man. Please Mr. Krepp, sir. And the priest says, you know, “It's your last wish. So, I’ll tell you. It means…hmm…hmm…essentially…get out of here and go fuck yourself. And, so, that's what Geralt’s been saying as his exorcism for this whole period. And Geralt kind of jumps into the portal laughing.

JESS

I love that reveal. Like, there was, like, such build up to this in the narrative, because they didn't tell you the words that Geralt was saying. He thought it was like this interesting, like, exorcism. And then Yennefer was like, “Oh, it was just something rather indecent.” And then you find out and you’re like, “Yeah, it is rather indecent and not very witty.” She said it was witty and indecent or something like that, right?

ALYSSA

Maybe the actual wording of it was witty, because we don't know what the literal translation is. He's just like --

JESS

Right. Okay.

ALYSSA

He's just like – I mean it essentially means like, “Get out of here and fuck yourself.”

CRISANTO

Be gone from here and go fucketh thyself. I love how – I love how it's referenced here as a callback. It's such an inside joke within the narrative.

JESS

Yeah.

CRISANTO

And they do bring it up three instances.

ALYSSA

Mhmm.

CRISANTO

And it – like it really – it's such a major point of resolving their first conflict with the djinn. It literally is just a practical joke that this random priestess played on Geralt.

ALYSSA

Yeah.

JESS

Yeah, really creative.

ALYSSA

I love it. It's so good.

JESS

Yeah. I think some of the best shows and books and stuff, they do that. Callbacks are really important. It makes world building more believable, because it's like, “Okay, this is a world in which these rules apply. And these rules are reinforced because this thing keeps popping up.” So, whether that's a person or a metaphor or phrase, I think that's – I don't know. It's nice world building. It makes it really cozy.

ALYSSA

So, putting as a site, it's absolutely wonderful. It's like putting .cool. But they make, like, info graphs and charts about, like, different random pop culture things. And they had a chart about how callbacks affect stand-up comedy.

JESS

Yes.

ALYSSA

And you can see how, like, in their little charts about graphing laughs throughout a comedy special, people always got the loudest and greatest laugh when they had a really good callback. So, you see this with John Mulaney. You see this with Ali Wong. There's a number of other comics. I love comedy. I just got back from a trip from Montreal exclusively for the Just For Laughs Festival. And there were a couple of people there that did it so well. And it just kind of always tied their narratives and their storytelling together.

CRISANTO

I think the basis of comedy is the rule of three, because comedic rhetoric is based on subverting expectations. When you create a pattern, usually, you start with one, and then you repeat on the second, and then you can choose to break it on the third or you usually break it. So, that's a punch line. It’s usually what happens on third. I just love it in this instance with how a Geralt shoos away that the genie, gets laughed at by Yennefer, and then --

JESS

And you're at that point and you're like, “Wait. What does this phrase mean?”

CRISANTO

Yeah.

JESS

Like, it gets you curious. And, on the third time, they get you.

ALYSSA

Yeah.

CRISANTO

Yeah.

JESS

It’s just like, “Oh, go fuck yourself.” Sick burn.

CRISANTO

Hey.

JESS

I keep on saying that.

ALYSSA

I love it. A little MasterClass in comedy, I'm sitting with the stupidest smile on my face like, “Oh, this is so cool.” So, from this point on, we just jumped straight into the action. We're now on Part VIII. There are 17 total parts in the rest of the chapter. And they're all very fast. We continually go inside and outside the tavern to see what's happening with the djinn and what's happening on the outside with everybody. So, this part of the story, from now until the end, is very, very fast paced. In Part VIII, Geralt passes through the portal and falls into the floor of Errdil’s inn, where Yennefer is desperately attempting to contain the djinn in a sphere. It attempts to attack the sorceress, but, when Geralt moves between them, the genie doesn’t attack and roars instead. Yennefer opens a portal for Geralt, but he pulls her though too. They fall into the center of a crowded ballroom, and Yennefer lashes out at him before jumping back through the fading portal. They return to Errdil’s inn, and she continues to beat him for intervening. So, we see here, even though Gerald enters the fray, Yennefer just doesn't want any help from him. And she feels like he's going to be more of a nuisance than a help. No matter when she's in danger, she never backs away from this fight. And she always steps toward it. She has every intention of continuing. And I think that you see that this power that she has and this perception of self that she has is not only applicable to how she treats other people. It never turns off even when she's in the face of a supernatural danger.

CRISANTO

What I appreciate about these past chapters is just more dimension to Yennefer. Like, she's not this vindictive femme fatale and that there is definitely more to Yennefer than we realize.

ALYSSA

In the next few parts, we’re brought outside Errdil’s inn where Dandelion, Neville, Krepp, the elves, and other onlookers have gathered. They can see that Yennefer and Geralt are fighting inside. Errdil laughs about the destruction of his tavern, saying that he had the place insured for a massive sum that also covers magical events. Back inside the tavern, Yennefer uses magic to restrain Geralt. And Geralt tells her he needs to tell her the truth. Outside the tavern, Krepp reveals to the group that the djinn is fulfilling Geralt’s wishes: the first, for it to go away and the second about the warden, which is why Yennefer can’t master it—Geralt hasn’t given up his last wish yet. Dandelion bemoans Geralt getting himself involved in saving Yennefer and asks if Geralt could use his last wish to save them both. Krepp ponders that he might, but only if it was the right wish. Yennefer demands again that Geralt gives his last wish, and as she does, Geralt realizes what she was before she became a sorceress. The djinn breaks through, Yennefer goes to battle it, and the Witcher makes his last wish. Outside the tavern, the crowd watches the djinn escape, freed from Geralt’s will.

JESS

Yeah. This is a lot – actually, a lot going on. It was really fast paced. Like – and I think, at this point, I kind of realized like, “Oh, wishes. This is like – you can like – it's not just Dandelion.”

ALYSSA

Yeah. I mean that – that is the big twist for the story. It’s that it was never Dandelion in the first place. And it doesn't reveal when Geralt realized. Maybe it was when the warden blew up, but I don't think it would have been before that. He makes that connection somewhere. Like, I didn't realize either until it was in the exposition.

JESS

What I know of him, he's just a very perceptive person. He's always looking at details. He's always noticing details about people, what they're saying, what they're wearing. And, if he says you burst and like this guy, he actually bursts. I think – I think that's – you know, he's a smart guy. I think he figured it out at that point.

CRISANTO

Because there’s this pretty particular passage where Yennefer is urging Geralt to hurry up. The passage reads, “The wish, Geralt! Hurry up! What do you desire? Immortality? Riches? Fame?” Geralt stays silent throughout this entire sequence. And then he realizes, “Oh, Yennefer is beautiful.”

ALYSSA

I know. Like – oh, like, ma’am, you're busy right now. Can you just, like, focus on anything --

JESS

Yeah.

ALYSSA

-- that is not --

CRISANTO

Oh, he's thirsty. He needs his apple juice. In this instance, he realizes he loves her. I don't really --

JESS

Wow. That was fast.

CRISANTO

Right.

JESS

He met her, like, today.

ALYSSA

I know. That was like a really quick, like, swipe right and then --

JESS

I wonder what it was. Like, how, how do you fall in love so quickly?

ALYSSA

That's – that's what I find to be the interesting thing. Like, we talked briefly about all these men kind of revolving around Yennefer's world and, like, her being able to pick and choose as to how they, for lack of a better word, serve her and serve her intentions and purpose. We, we get illusions that she's a fascinating woman, that she's smart, that she's like this kind of femme fatale trope, and, you know, there's something very alluring about her. I think it's still really ambiguous as to why Geralt is suddenly head over heels other than like, “Meh, she's got boobies.” Like --

JESS

Yeah.

CRISANTO

Yeah, because the passage reads, uh, “But, suddenly, Geralt knew the truth. He knew it. She knew – he knew what she used to be, what she remembered, what she couldn't forget, and what she lived with.” So, I'm hoping Sapkowski is implying that, “Oh, she's a strong woman. She's independent. She can handle her own.”

ALYSSA

Nope.

CRISANTO

Except, it's immediately preceded by, “Oh, she's beautiful.”

JESS

No.

ALYSSA

Well, I mean it goes back to Geralt’s perception.

CRISANTO

Yeah.

ALYSSA

Like, Geralt, suddenly, like, looks into her cold eyes. This is so bizarre. He looks into her cold eyes, and he realizes like, “Oh, shit, she was a hunchback.”

CRISANTO

Right. Yeah.

ALYSSA

He's just like, “Oh, my god, she can never read this in my mind.” And he just suppresses this information so deep down in his soul that he chooses to forget it.

CRISANTO

Yeah. Geralt, as a character and romantic interest here, is – I don't see it, but --

JESS

I think it's just the format. It's a short story. It's not a full-length book. In, in this format, he can't really expound upon, like, what is it about Yennefer that --

CRISANTO

Yeah.

JESS

-- you know, that really touches him, which is unfortunate because this – this is supposed to be their first meeting.

CRISANTO

Right.

JESS

And you kind of want – you really want to know the details. Like, what does Geralt see in her and why she’s different from all of the women that he's ever encountered, what about her touches him. And, you know, that something does touch him about her.

CRISANTO

Yeah.

ALYSSA

We do know something does.

CRISANTO

Yey.

ALYSSA

I know we haven't gotten there yet, but there's gonna be touching to be had. I mean, yeah, like, I think you, like, absolutely hit it on the head. We don't really get an understanding from Geralt/the narrator of anything that's beyond the superficial.

JESS

I’m guessing it kind of gets revealed in a more long form format, hopefully.

ALYSSA

Again, like, this entire section just is so fast paced in and out of the inn. We get a lot of exposition from Krepp as a proxy for the reader if the reader hasn't caught on yet, because spoiler alert – I don't know. So, Krepp was there for you, girl, and just kind of helping move the plot along so you really have an understanding of what's going on and why Geralt is saying what he's saying, why Yennefer is reacting the way that she does. You know, eventually, Geralt makes his last wish. We never find out what it is. We just see the aftermath of it in Part XVI and XVII. So, the Witcher and sorceress are miraculously alive after the destruction of the tavern as if having been protected by an invisible force. Yennefer asks Geralt about the wish that he made completely in awe of it. And then they make love on the ruins of the tavern floor. And, for the first time, Geralt calls her Yen.

JESS

Bam chicka wow wow.

ALYSSA

In Part XVII, the group outside tries to see if the sorceress and Witcher are still alive. Chireadan peers through a shattered window and sees the pair, backing away and telling the group that they should leave. And that's the end of “The Last Wish”.

JESS

So good. Going back to his last wish, it's ambiguous, right? You don't know what his wish is, but, somehow, the wish protected both him and Yennefer, Yen. And I'm just like, “Wow. What was that wish?” Like, I want to know. It reminds me of – what's that movie? It's a Tarantino movie with John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson.

CRISANTO

Oh, Pulp Fiction.

JESS

Okay. So, there’s this suitcase that everyone's after. And inside is something really valuable.

CRISANTO

It shines gold every time someone opens the suitcase. Yeah.

JESS

Yeah. Like, when it opens, it, like, sparkles and, like, shines the golden light on the person looking at it. And they're just like, “Oh, my god.” Their eyes go wide. And you're just like, “What is in it? What is in the suitcase?” And you never know. At the end of the movie, you don't see what's in it. And that's how I feel about this wish. Like, what was his wish? What was so clever and, like, so – like something that obviously touched Yennefer's heart and something that, you know, made them want to, you know, get it on.

ALYSSA

Do you guys have any hypotheses around what that wish could have been or how it could have been phrased?

JESS

I don't know. That's a tough one. What do you think, Crisanto?

CRISANTO

I think he wished to die of old age with her. I think that’s – I feel like that's the most straightforward --

JESS

That’s so cute.

CRISANTO

Yeah.

ALYSSA

Jess, do you have any like hypotheses?

JESS

No, I was just struck by, like, like, what is it. I was that person who was just, like, taking the book and, like, holding it between my two fists and, like, shaking it. What is it? Tell me your secret! I can't – I can't even tell you. It really is like that suitcase in Pulp Fiction. Like, I don't know what's in it, but it's like the – it must have been something good.

CRISANTO

Or ridiculous.

JESS

Yeah.

CRISANTO

Like, you know, you can't kill us until we drink orange juice or something stupid.

JESS

Yeah. Though, it does say – at some point, it does say that, like, their fates are kind of bound.

ALYSSA

So, the general theory on the internet is that Geralt wished for their fates to tie back together. And, you know, the phrasing of it is a little ambiguous. There are some – there are other people on the internet that have different theories about what was said. Sapkowski has turned down some of them. But, you know, for the most part, the sentiment around the – around the web really does seem to be that it was just some sort of phrasing of like, “I need our fates to be tied together,” because presumably the djinn couldn't kill its master. So, therefore, if the djinn couldn't kill Geralt and Geralt’s fate was tied to Yennefer, then the genie couldn't kill either of them. So, that's kind of what the theory is.

JESS

Okay. That's – yeah. I mean that's a good short term solution, but like Geralt, you know, he has a dangerous job. Like, what if he gets killed? Then like, all of a sudden, Yen just, like, drops dead. Like, that kind of sucks.

ALYSSA

Well, also, Yennefer does say like, “You've condemned yourself to me.” And it's very melodramatic.

JESS

Yeah.

ALYSSA

I feel like it's so unexpected from, from both of them. Like, Geralt is a little less so just because he's been like fantasizing about her this whole time.

CRISANTO

That’s for sure.

ALYSSA

But, for Yennefer – and he calls her, in this moment, Yen, and she, like, just succumbs to him completely. And --

CRISANTO

Only my parents call me that.

JESS

Eww! Gross.

ALYSSA

Like, it makes you wonder, like, what other people have said to her or if this is something that she's putting on as like an air for her to be like, like, “I can't believe you just said that. Like, what would make you do that? I'm completely in awe of this. Let me make love to you.”

JESS

Hmm.

ALYSSA

So, I don't know. I'm skeptical of it.

JESS

Actually, that's a good point. You just brought something up that made me realize like – well, we were talking about how she uses her assets, whether it's magic or her beauty or, you know, her romantic aura to kind of get what she needs. And I, I wonder if it's supposed to be ambiguous. Like, does she really like Geralt? Is she really touched by what he did for her or is she just kind of like, “Oh, this guy looks really useful. He's smart. I'm gonna make sure he's in my pocket for a little bit longer.” And I'm sure, if you ship the two of them, you want to believe that it's like, “Oh, it's love at this first or second sight or whatever.” But, yeah, that's something to discuss in the future, I guess. But the rom-com lovers out there is like, yeah, like, there's something about these two – these two that are really special. And this is their, uhmm, consummation of that --

CRISANTO

Oh, my god.

JESS

-- of that specialness uniting.

ALYSSA

Hey.

CRISANTO

I think the feelings are genuine. Everything up to this point is validated, like, the story is very much a rom-com summer blockbuster, action romance. You know what I mean? Like, everything is tied up in a neat bow.

ALYSSA

Yeah, for the moment.

CRISANTO

Oh.

JESS

Oh, okay. Well, it is kind of the second to last story --

CRISANTO

Yeah.

JESS

-- of the book.

ALYSSA

Yeah.

JESS

So, you kind of love that.

ALYSSA

And we still have six more books left.

JESS

Exciting!

CRISANTO

Oh, man.

ALYSSA

Can you touch on the oddly specific circumstance that he could have wished for?

CRISANTO

He wished for them to share their 80th birthday party together. It’s so --

JESS

Lame.

CRISANTO

[Inaudible 1:03:40].

ALYSSA

I want to make a goat farm with you at the age of 75.

CRISANTO

Oh, that's awesome. So, I’m --

JESS

But, like, you said that just to kind of say that.

CRISANTO

Sorry. I want us to fish – to go catfishing – catfishing with our children.

JESS

Like, you can't kill Yennefer until we've had some waffles and ice cream. And it has to be the year 2055.

CRISANTO

Yeah, exactly.

JESS

And --

ALYSSA

I have to align my face with the moon, but only on a quarter moon. And --

CRISANTO

Yes.

JESS

Exactly. It has to be, yeah, a quarter moon. But, also, if it's not on a Thursday, it has to be a blue moon. And, also, can I have some lilac and gooseberries? Like, if there's no lilac and gooseberries, like, it’s not – it’s, it’s a deal breaker. I'm sorry. Like this is – and then it turns into like a Postmates order.

CRISANTO

Yeah. And, yeah, what about did you go – did you fuck yourself, genie?

JESS

Oh, yes.

CRISANTO

Yeah. I forgot about that. Fuck.

ALYSSA

I know. So, that – so, that thing, let's, let’s talk about that for a second. So, now that we have obviously revealed that Geralt has been the holder of these wishes, the very first wish that he said when he held the seal and kind of thrust in front of the genie was, you know, this translated exorcism, “Get out of here and go fuck yourself.” And, even Krepp mentions this saying, like, you know, “I'd be really upset if I had to fulfill Geralt's first wish down to the letter,” and just kind of implied what the djinn might have had to do.

JESS

Yeah. Like, how do you literally, like, fuck yourself? Like, I don't – I don't know. I have no idea.

CRISANTO

I mean the djinn is all powerful. He’s like – he’s gonna have to go fuck himself.

JESS

But he has to – I know he's all powerful, but he's powerful. But, at the same time, he has to fulfill a wish. So –

CRISANTO

Yeah. Yeah.

ALYSSA

He has these constraints. Yeah.

JESS

Yeah. So, he's all powerful to do it, but how?

CRISANTO

Master, do I have to?

JESS

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

CRISANTO

Because – oh, man. I could just --

ALYSSA

I’m never gonna unhear that. No.

CRISANTO

I could just imagine the genie. You know that meme with the lady – the calculus lady?

ALYSSA

Oh.

JESS

Oh, no, all the equations going around her head.

CRISANTO

I could imagine the genie is just going, “Fuck myself. What?”

ALYSSA

I need to – I need to remove that sound byte that you just said. Just – I need to repress it quietly the way that Geralt repressed his knowledge about Yennefer and just exorcise it from my body.

CRISANTO

Oh, god.

ALYSSA

Oh, bless. So, now that we finished the chapter, what did you guys think of it?

JESS

So good! I love it! New fan! Yeah. This is my first time reading anything. Well, this wasn't the first --

CRISANTO

Hah!

ALYSSA

This is my first time reading anything.

CRISANTO

Oh, god.

JESS

No. I know how to read. I swear. I wasn't lying about Harry Potter and YA. I know how to read. No. So – sorry. I pause at a really awkward point. So, this is my first time reading something, umm, from the Witcher saga. And I just – I think I just have fallen in love. I really like it. Like, I really love, like, contemporary stories, but, ah, this really brought me back to high fantasy. And I just – I just love it.

CRISANTO

Yeah. Like I mentioned before, it very much reads like a – like a summer blockbuster film. It has – it's very balanced. It has action. It has romance. It has quitty whips.

JESS

Yeah.

CRISANTO

It has good comedy. I think that, like, high fantasy gets a rep being sometimes too inaccessible to like high --

JESS

Boring.

CRISANTO

Too boring. Yeah. Actually, like, too political. But, at least, in this – this is a very simple narrative to follow. It's not too complicated. What I really do appreciate what he does is he's a very efficient writer. Like, he doesn't dwell too long. This is an anthology. So, despite having so much floor to, to cover, he efficiently covers, like, what you need to know in each story. At least, in this instance, you need to know the basic elements. Like Yennefer is up to no good, this mystery – mysterious figure and Geralt is a stone wall. And Dandelion is a goofy sidekick. So, Sapkowski really lays out foundations really well. His exposition is very sharp. And his dialogue is extremely witty and quippy. Dialogue is extremely difficult to write, especially if you're constantly moving a plot forward. That's a true art form.

ALYSSA

That's it for our show today. Jess and Crisanto, thank you so much for joining us for this episode. And thank you to our community for listening. So, for you guys, where can everyone find you? And is there anything that our international hanza can help you with?

JESS

Okay. So, I'm @j_bagsy, j_B-A-G-S-Y. It’s very complicated. I know. So, something that would be easier for you if you want to follow me on say Instagram go to @TeamLensFlare, T-E-A-M-L-E-N-S-F-L-A-R-E. Huh! That was hard. Yes. So, Crisanto and I with six other people, we have this photography group. And we do photography of cosplay. So, every once in a while, there's conventions and stuff and we put people's cosplays to life in photography and videos and things like that. So, you can go follow us.

CRISANTO

That was thorough. Hi. My name is Crisanto Jorda.

JESS

Okay.

CRISANTO

Yeah. I'm a media freelancer. I do photo, video, and editing. That's so vague. Wow.

JESS

I just have to say. Because Crisanto is really bad at, you know, promoting his own stuff. Like, for example, his, his name on Instagram is GreatGiraffe. I mean it has nothing to do with his actual brand, which is Crisanto Jorda. He's – okay. So, he’s a photo --

ALYSSA

Drag him a little more, Jess.

JESS

Yes. He's a photographer. He's a videographer. He also does general, like, script writing and any type of production. He's edited stuff like that. And he – recently, he’s been getting into 3D animation. So, if you need, like, some 3D graphics, like, hit him up. Sorry.

ALYSSA

Now, I --

JESS

I didn't mean to like takeover ad shout and like plug. I don't know. But it's his profession.

CRISANTO

Thank you.

JESS

I want to, you know, make sure, you know, he gets acknowledged.

ALYSSA

I feel warm --

CRISANTO

Thank you, love.

ALYSSA

-- and fuzzy from watching just all of this interaction unfolds in front of me in person. It's very sane. I love it very much.

CRISANTO

Yeah.

JESS

Yeah. Just go to crisantojorda.com. That’s C-R-I-S-A-N-T-O-J-O-R-D-A.com

CRISANTO

Yes.

ALYSSA

And I will link it in the show notes.

JESS

Yey.

CRISANTO

Yes. Thank you

JESS

Yeah. And, so --

CRISANTO

And, yeah, please check out Team Lens Flare. I'm a resident artist for that group.

JESS

Go to @TeamLensFlare and Crisanto, me, and all the other members of Team Lens Flare are tagged in every post.

CRISANTO

And if you are a local artist, if you love Witcher or cosplay Witcher, yeah, please --

JESS

Hit us up.

CRISANTO

-- hit us up. We would love to shoot you.

ALYSSA

Team Lens Flare is active mostly on the East Coast, right guys?

JESS

Yes.

ALYSSA

And they're absolutely phenomenal. Like, just seeing their work. And it's, like, they do such an amazing job of bringing people's ideas and largest cosplay fantasies to life. And it's so incredible to see and watch. I've been friends with you guys for a really long time. Umm, Jess and I have known each other since we were in Catholic school together in middle school. And, Crisanto, I met in college. It just absolutely blew my mind. Like, just to know someone from middle school and then meet someone in college and, all of a sudden, they get together. And, now, they're on my podcast.

JESS

Oh, yeah. Spoilers. Yeah, we're a couple.

CRISANTO

Oh, my god.

JESS

Oh, oh my god. We’re dating?

ALYSSA

And Jess and Crisanto will be back to wrap up The Last Wish compilation with the discussion of its framing narrative, “The Voice of Reason”.