It takes my breath away. We have been brutalising women for thousands of years. Why does this continue to occur with such overwhelming frequency? Largely unseen, rendered almost banal, herein lies the issue. Behind closed doors, almost one in five Australian women will be abused by a current or former ''intimate partner'' (VicHealth 2010).

Do men commit violence against women in public? Almost never: they could not get away with it. So, far from public eyes, protected from the stigma and repercussions of being labelled ''violent'', the most seemingly functional and even successful among us contribute to what the UN calls the most ''pervasive and systematic human rights abuse in the world'' - violence against women.

Since when does being an ''intimate partner'' include being the receptacle for violence? There is nothing intimate, nor deserving, of the word partner in an abusive relationship. We maintain the illusions of civility at great personal risk.

For thousands of years men have chosen to be violent against women. These choices have been largely excused, commodified and normalised. Men are rarely challenged or held accountable. Even with our purported liberalism and sophistication, we still insinuate a woman's inherent responsibility for the abusive choices of men. Relationships are complicated. They can become dysfunctional. Women can also be abusive. Although when talking about physical and sexual violence, and the intractable scars it leaves, a clear line in the sand is easily drawn. As aggressors, men inhabit this domain almost exclusively.

As men, we choose violence when words and the capacity to emote fail us. We choose violence when we know we can get away with it. Do we fear and resent the sexual power women have over us?