The litany of players to collect three home runs in a single game is decidedly endearing in its randomness. As it happens, this season's contingent of players to bash three taters in one game brilliantly exemplifies how completely arbitrary the feat is, as it includes both esteemed baseball-smashers (Miguel Cabrera, Carlos Gonzalez) and relative unknowns (Dioner Navarro).

Juan Uribe joined the illustrious club on Monday night, belting three home runs at Chavez Ravine to lift his steaming Dodgers to an 8-1 win over the Arizona Diamondbacks.

I'm positive nobody expected Juan Uribe to hit three home runs on Monday night, which is precisely why it's so perfect that Juan Uribe hit three home runs on Monday night.

Studies* have proven conclusively there is no single characteristic common to all players who hit three home runs in a single game, but using Uribe as a barometer, a broad emotional palette is a good start:

Pensive Juan

Elated Juan

Impish Juan

Apprehensive Juan

Best Juan

*Studies may or may not have actually happened.**

**Studies most certainly did not happen.