Dear Steven Spielberg,

Last weekend, I decided to stay in. A literal Netflix and chill. Just me. No sex. Copious amounts of chill.

To my delight, Animaniacs was on the top of my screen. Steven Spielberg presents Animaniacs! That’s you! What a treat! Animaniacs was my favorite cartoon in the 90s. It was cool, edgy, smart, and hilarious. And I was obsessed with Dot. I had all of her merchandise — toys, stuffed animals, even an overpriced baby tee that I had to beg my mom to buy me. I liked thinking that I was like Dot — cute and little but could hang with the boys. Outspoken and sharp and quick. My therapist encourages me to nurture my “inner child,” give her things that she loves. This seriously couldn’t be any more perfect.

Me as a 13-year-old in 1997.

I tucked myself into bed and hit play. I sang out loud to the entire theme song. I was so happy I could cry.

And then —

Sexy music. A sexy figure. Sexy walking. A sexy nurse. “Hellooooooo Nurse!” chime Yakko and Wakko. Panting. Drooling. Tongues rolling out onto the floor. Dot walks over to their tongues and snaps them back into their mouths. “Boys,” she concludes with a smirk.

“Trigger!” I said to the pile of stuffed animals next to me.

I am an addict in recovery. Specifically, a sex and love addict. At my 12-step meetings we can raise our hand and say “trigger” if at any point we feel triggered by something someone is saying.

And then —

“TRIGGER!” I shout louder.

My stomach felt sick. My chest hurt. My head felt like it was boiling. I took a deep breath and instead of fueling my reaction, I talked myself through it —

What is triggering?

An oversexualized woman in a cartoon and the boys’ over-the-top reaction to her.

Why is it triggering?

Because this is a kid’s cartoon and a room full of executives — including Steven Spielberg?! — thought that this was totally appropriate and okay.

But why is it really?

Well, because my dad was obsessed with women and I grew up in a house where the garage was covered in Playboy centerfolds and my dad would point out women all the time and talk about their bodies and as a little girl I would watch his porn when I was home alone and ever since then I was obsessed with these women that he loved and I wanted to be one of them and I knew I didn’t look like them and I decided I needed to be in order to be loved and it turned into putting my worth on having sex with boys and eventually posing naked and dancing at strip clubs and having sex for money and never feeling like I’ll ever be enough for a man because they just want all the women and all the sex and that’s just the way they are.

OH.

Oh okay. Right. Okay. Yeah, that makes complete sense and is totally valid.

What caught me off guard was realizing that this bit didn’t consciously affect me or stand out to me when I watched it as a kid. Because it was normal to me. That’s just how the world worked. A beautiful blonde woman with big curves in a tight dress and high heels and boys making comments, literally chasing her while she runs away in distress. In front of their sister. That’s normal. That’s okay.

“Boys,” as Dot put it.

Steven, I TMI only because I want you to know that I am fully aware that this bit probably affects me more than most because of my personal experiences and trauma. I know that my reaction is just a manifestation of my “stuff,” and has nothing to do with you or your cartoon.

But Steven, I write this to ask you and anybody with a Netflix account — please don’t show this cartoon to your children. Netflix has Animaniacs categorized under “Kids’ TV Ages 2 to 4” and “Kids’ TV Ages 5 to 7.” The blatant objectification of women in the form of an adorable cartoon supports children (and adults!) with the story that objectification is okay and tolerated. A woman should be ogled and cat called. Boys should be turned on and say something about it. Women are helpless and don’t have much to say. You must look like Hello Nurse so boys will like you. Hello Nurse is the ideal woman. These are the ideas you are portraying to children.

It breaks my heart. I really do love the show. I remember always hoping it would eventually be on Netflix so I could show my 12-year-old nephew my favorite cartoon from when I was his age.

But I will not be showing him your cartoon. I want him to know that women are human beings, not objects, and that they are smart and valuable and deserve to be respected.

And I will not be showing my inner child your cartoon either. I want her to know that women are human beings, not objects, and that they are smart and valuable and deserve to be respected.

Love,

Charlene deGuzman

Update: Click here for a response