Hi, I know you probably get so many of these messages every day, but I was wondering if you could give me advice at all. I’m 14, I’ve been out and living as FTM trans for just over a year now, I’m on hormone blockers, I’ve socially transitioned, changed my name at my school, etc.... and I think I was wrong. I’ve been flip-flopping back and forth for months now, but I think I’m a butch woman, not a trans man, and I don’t know what to do next. I’m so embarrassed. I don’t even know where to start.

To start you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Figuring yourself out at any age is tough and fourteen and being Gender is even harder. You are already doing amazing.

Where to start? Hmm. If your gaurdians were supportive when you first came out as trans, I would start talking with them about how you are feeling. I am not sure you can expect them to understand what you are going through exactly, but they should be in the loop, especially if they are the ones in charge of your medical care.

Also important would be getting in to see the doctor who prescribed blockers if you think you want to get off of those. I do not know what coming off of blockers is like, so I really hope that you are able to get the help to do it safely. If you were seeing a therapist or similar before you were given that perscription, it might be good to check in with them again.

I find it very helpful to try to think about what it is I want outside of how those things are gendered. For example, would you want to change your name again or keep what you changed it to? What kind of clothes do you want to wear? Even if transition is not in the cards for your future, you are entitled to keep everything you do enjoy about ‘being trans’ going forward. Everything.

I do not think you should rush yourself into coming out again publicly unless things like pronouns become upsetting for you. It is totally okay to start with just close friends and let the information osmos from them. Outside of getting your name right, strangers and acquaintances have no business getting to understand your entire Deal when it comes to all this until you feel like sharing.

Butch women and trans guys have always shared a lot of overlap in community. Everything I have read says that going on blockers is all about giving young people time to decide what they want. Just because you did not end up deciding what you expected to does not mean you screwed up in any way. If you are having these doubts than addressing them now is the mature thing to be doing.

I am getting too wordy, so I will wrap this up; but I think you are going to be okay.