doritos loaded

Doritos Loaded didn't have the molten lava cheese interior I was expecting.

(Express-Times Photo | KELLY HUTH)

Doritos Loaded debuted last week. Loaded with what, I can't tell you.

I tried them, on a dare. I don't know that it technically counts as food (which is not a slam at Doritos, because I think most of the junk food we inhale is just that - junk.)

Picture a jalapeno popper with the spicy pepper removed, crushed up Doritos added into the breading, and a mixture resembling actual cheese piped into the middle. That is Doritos Loaded.

If you love Doritos, you might love this. I didn't. But then again I've never been a Doritos fan. I think the last time I had a bag of Doritos, N'Sync and Backstreet Boys were at the top of the charts.

I expected a strong Doritos flavor to jump out, or a particularly gooey, cheesy middle, but I didn't find either one. The filling was dried out and crusty. The snack suffered from too long a time spent languishing under the heat lamps at 7-Eleven.

One of these bad boys will set you back 54 cents. Or get a whole pack of four for $1.99.

A pack of four goes for $1.99. If you feel guilty at buying the 1,070 milligrams of sodium-stuffed 'inside out nachos', you can buy just one, like I did. It will only set you back 54 cents, but still leave you with that Doritos breath you haven't had since you sat in the middle school cafeteria.

To be sure I wasn't being unfairly snarky, I made my husband try them. He too agreed, "That was food."

Neither of us could put our finger on exactly what we just ate. But the worst part is, we both finished our portions.

I can see people polishing off a box of these along with a sweet, icy slurpee, and not thinking twice.

Apparently you're supposed to pair the snack with the new Mountain Dew Solar Flare (also only at 7-Eleven stores). No thanks. Enough middle school flashbacks for one day.

You will need a big gulp of something though, with the salty aftertaste you'll find after eating the Doritos Loaded.

Usually when a new kitschy food treat comes on the market, I'm proud to say I've tried it. With Doritos Loaded, my day-after heartburn really wishes I hadn't.

-- Kelly Huth