While all Saudis live under a hyper capitalist, sectarian and brutal authoritarian regime, a Saudi cleric has issued a fatwa making it official that being a woman in Saudi Arabia sucks extra bad. This fatwa comes after some confusion surrounding the physiological effects of driving.

Last month a Saudi cleric issued a fatwa warning that driving effects the hips and pelvis of women, and thus their reproductive efficacy. After (some) men began worrying about the effects of driving on their testicles, the cleric clarified that driving is only harmful to ovaries and the female pelvis and the strange, magical and dangerous stuff contained within— just as the potentially catastrophic effects of traveling alone and of public and willful displays of hair seem to confine themselves to the section of the Saudi population that has vaginas. The cleric did urge Saudi women to cheer up, however, because it could always be worse—at least they are not foreign female domestic labor in Saudi Arabia.

When asked about these fatwas after a meeting between King Abdullah bin Abdulaziz and President Barack Obama, both king and president loudly condemned the regime of gender terror that currently rules Iran, where women are exposed to the deleterious effects of driving, voting, working, and holding public office.

[This fatwa may not apply to female members of the Saudi royal family, particularly when they are in Paris, New York City, or London, spending the very hard earned, sweat soaked money of the Al-Saud.]