Better mind your Ps and Qs, because daddy Gates is watching.

Microsoft is updating its terms of service on May 1, and the news rules just so happen to explicitly prohibit the use of "offensive language" on its various platforms. Those platforms include Skype and Xbox Live.

That's right, Microsoft is banning profanity on Xbox Live. Let that one sink in.

But it gets even weirder. The full lists prohibits all kinds of things, including nudity.

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"By agreeing to these Terms, you’re agreeing that, when using the Services, you will follow these rules," explains the new code of conduct. "Don’t publicly display or use the Services to share inappropriate content or material (involving, for example, nudity, bestiality, pornography, offensive language, graphic violence, or criminal activity)."

In other words, having a long distance, profanity filled love chat with your overseas partner could theoretically result in getting you booted from Skype. Of that, Microsoft is explicit.

"If you violate these Terms, we may stop providing Services to you or we may close your Microsoft account," reads the TOS. "We may also block delivery of a communication (like email, file sharing or instant message) to or from the Services in an effort to enforce these Terms or we may remove or refuse to publish Your Content for any reason."

But how is Microsoft going to find all those naughty kids using offensive language on its myriad of platforms? That's not exactly clear.

"When investigating alleged violations of these Terms, Microsoft reserves the right to review Your Content in order to resolve the issue," further explains the new TOS. "However, we cannot monitor the entire Services and make no attempt to do so."

That suggests that the company will be responding to complaints, while simultaneously possibly monitoring some of its services for people breaking the code of conduct.

Of course, if it wants to find violators of these news rules, Microsoft need look no further than many of the games on its own platform. After all, a few Xbox Live titles have just a touch of "graphic violence."