The New York Police Department did what it does best on Sunday: gave people tickets for stupid ass shit. The force is renowned worldwide for liberally doling out summonses for puffing J’s, sipping wine in the park, carrying pocket knives and other heinous non-crimes.

And now: for surfing.

Why? Maybe that’s how they fund the training needed for the very high fitness bar met by all of its officers.

On Sunday, as a swell from Tropical Storm Hermine tickled the wave-famished East Coast, New York City surfers felt like virgins touched for the very first time. So they ignored apparently exaggerated reports of strong undertows in the region, and an NYC-wide surfing ban, and paddled out for some brown tunnels. Feeling this act was a danger to society, New York’s finest backhanded the surfers with $80 tickets.


“There’s nothing dangerous about these conditions,” New Zealander Jay Harrison, who was among the offending wave riders, told the New York Post. He vowed to the fight the ticket.

Noted waterman, tube turkey and New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio closed beaches Sunday and Monday due to the quality surf conditions, stating, “We have very, very serious riptides. They’re very dangerous.”

Beaches remained closed to swimming and surfing on Monday despite forecasted surf conditions of 5-7 and “Good,” in Surfline-speak. Surfers who take their surf advice from de Blasio will have to watch from shore as brown barrels light up the city’s breaks. Others may just need to throw down $80 for pumping surf with no one out — a price far smaller than what some would pay for quality, uncrowded surf.