GALESBURG, IL—Baffled by the unusual pace of their classmate’s social involvement, residents at a Knox College dormitory observed Friday that fellow student Andrew Witte had a friend from home visiting way too soon. “Well, okay. We’ve only been here a couple weeks, and Drew already has a high school buddy crashing in his dorm room. That’s just weird,” said floormate Ryan Bellows, noting that Witte’s friend lived nowhere even remotely close to their school and would have had to endure a six-hour drive from Minneapolis just so he and Witte could sit in the common room and watch YouTube on a laptop. “Andrew’s barely even done unpacking. He still carries a map of campus around with him, so I don’t know how he’s even trying to show his friend around. I overheard them comparing the sizes of their dorm rooms, so his friend just started college, too, but then why isn’t he there right now? Even if they’re dating, it’s too soon for a visit.” Dormitory sources further confirmed that Witte also began receiving care packages from his family after a mere week away from home.

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