Results Of RateBeer Rarest Beer Contest 2010

the beer had to actually exist

at least one person unaffiliated with the brewery had to have paid for a commercial sample of the beer

1. Polar Brewing Magnetic North Polar Bear Paw Stout

2. Odonata Shasta Sherpa Fish Gruit

3. Stone Consciously Conceited Clique-Only Cream Ale

April 1, 2010The First Annual RateBeer Rarest Beer Contest, despite constant public announcements and considerable funds spent on an ill-fated sky-writing campaign in Utah, received only 43 entries from 32 breweries worldwide. Because of this low turnout, we've declared only three winners. If it's not clear to the beer n00bs (is anything?), the purpose of this contest was to recognize the best rare new beers of 2010. The judges of the contest were from an assembled panel of mostly bearded, occasionally wise, elder RateBeer administrators.The rules were very simple:Points were awarded for a) creativity, b) unattainableness, c) scarcity, and d) deliciousness.Sadly, we had to remove 18 entries because these new beers were discovered to actually be bourbon aged in beer barrels. More on that later... Without further ado, the winners!- This was a unanimous winner (but only because the aquatic release party for entry #27, Cigar City Shark Chum Bloody IPA, went over about as well as one would imagine). It was also the only entry whose attainment required use of a submarine. It was noted in a recent Scientific American article that foundering polar bears were not sinking to the bottom of the Arctic Ocean, as was originally expected, but instead sank to a depth of about 200 meters before coming to rest on a salinity barrier. "That's where we first got the idea for this beer," said Alfonso Shackleton, Polar's head brewer and assistant janitor. "We'd successfully used polar beer meat in our brews before, but we figured we'd show those crazy Europeans how to really ice a beer!" Only 12 bottles were made, and contest-winner JK of Minneapolis had to eliminate two Greenpeace boats (obviously thirsty competitors) before he had a chance to dive down to retrieve a single bottle at 197 meters. "Delicious!", John was heard to scream out upon regaining consciousness and cracking it open. "I just can't get enough of the regurgitated lichen aromas in polar bear beers!" Words to live by.- One of ten hopless entries and yet the only one to be spiced with the rarest Almas caviar. The beer also utilized steam that only occasionally presented itself from a floor vent at the brewery and reportedly took years to collect. More points were awarded when video evidence turned up at our headquarters showing the beer's juniper tips being carefully harvested in hyperbaric chambers used to preserve volatile aromas. "We also use tiny scissors to preserve the flavor," said Rick Sellers, Sales Director. "Dude, super tiny. We're talking extreeeeemely tiny." Besides being simply strange, the beer was also exceptionally hard to get. Sherpa Day was only 20 minutes and held at the oxygen-deprived snow covered summit of Mount Shasta at more than 12,000 feet. "We didn't want to make it easy", added Brewmaster Peter Hoey. "What's the point of that? Really?" Still a remarkable 12 cases were sold, which were all grabbed by a guy who hired 13 pro mountain climbers (one didn't make it) and is said to have sold them all on eBay. The winner, 31 year old Richard "Dick" "Wad" Wadowski of Portland, Maine, commented, "I'm not sure how the beer tastes at all but I'm sure it's cool. I am sure it's very smooth."- Stone Brewing of San Marcos, California released a two pack of this rare beer in a posh LA night club Hyde that was not known as a craft beer destination at all. Burly bouncers turned away hordes of craft beer seekers who weren't dressed in suitable attire, weren't child actors and weren't heirs/heiresses to celebrity or tycoon fortunes. After four weekends aging at the club, the beer's only successful buyer was Tibeerious. Roger's successful entry involved an approach in drag and claiming to be the sister of washed up 80s rapper, Vanilla Ice, to whom he bore a girlish resemblance. The beer gained scarcity points when it was claimed by head brewer Mitch Steele, to have been made from sweat scraped from the backs of Hyde patrons. However the beer lost points for tasting like, well... the sweaty backs of Hyde patrons. "It tastes satisfyingly smooth, like I'm tasting something no else can possibly have", Roger bellowed. "But the sweat factor, I must say is a bit disappointing. People need to stink more like humans." And then he left, saving only the bottle cap, and with his makeup running like his American Apparel stockings.Honorable mentions to Major Tom Space Ale by Victory Brewing which is somewhere approaching Venus by now; Ephemeral Gooseberry Lambic by Real Ales which may or may not have been released on Ephemeral Day; and, Dong Qi Xiao Wild Ale by Casta which really, honestly, should never have been made, is insanely illegal, is immoral to most of the known universe but we're sort of glad they did anyway and nonetheless is a hilarious inside joke that you probably can't appreciate the rarity of. It's that cool.Cheers,The Admins