'I miss my son a lot, I can think of nothing else' [Jun. 16th, 2009|01:45 pm] 6 Degrees 6degreesaa

[ dongthimai ] My husband was twenty years older than me, but he was a good husband. Then, one day, it all went wrong. I found out I was pregnant, and he said I had a choice - either he would give me US$5,000 and I should come back to Vietnam and have the child there, or I should have an abortion. I asked him why I should make such a choice, but all he would say was that was the only choice he could give me. I did not want to have an abortion, and I thought he would come round in time, so I said I accepted to come back to Vietnam to have the baby. I never saw him again.



The next day his sister came to the house to take me to the airport, but she gave me less than US$100. I came back home, but I was here only three days before I got a bad feeling in my stomach. I thought that something bad must be going on with my husband, and I was worried. So I took out a loan and bought a ticket to go back to Taiwan.



I went to his sister's house, and she told me he was dead. He had killed himself on the very day I had found out I was pregnant. I could not believe it. I begged my sister-in-law to tell me the truth, but she said that was the only truth she knew. She said that I could stay with her until the baby was born, and that it would be better than going back to Vietnam. So I stayed with her throughout my pregnancy and she treated me well. But as soon as my son was born, this all changed.



She took my son away as soon as he was born, and I did not even get a chance to look at him. She would not let me tell my parents he had even been born. I cried and cried and cried, but she would not let me see my son, even though I begged her on my knees and tore at her skirts. I was weak from the birth, and it made no difference.



The sister then forced me to sign a legal document - at the time I did not know what it was, but she told me afterwards that I had signed away my rights to my son - my mother's rights have been refused, so the sister gets the child. Then the sister gave me US$5,000 to come back to Vietnam and leave my son behind. I used the money to pay off the loan I had to take out to go over there in the first place. But once I was here, I had time to gather my strength and to recover from everything. Then, not long afterwards, I knew I had to go back and try and get my son.



I then bought another ticket to back to Taiwan. A guy in Ho Chi Minh cCty charged me US$300 to process it, and the ticket itself cost US$300. I haven't yet seen my own son. I flew back and I was alone on the flight and I don't think I have ever felt that alone before. I had not told my family what was going on, so they could be of no support to me.



The sister came to the airport to meet me, but instead of taking me to her house, she left me at the house of another sister, who told me that, if I ever wanted to see my son, I had to work as her housemaid. She was very cruel to me, I could tell she did not like to even look at me.



She hit me and often gave me no food. Then, after about two weeks, I awoke in my room one night to find her trying to stab me with a pair of scissors. She was trying to kill me. I was so shocked and scared - I only just managed to get away.



I ran to a neighbours' house and they called the police. They did not know I'd even been next door to them. The police sent me back to Ho Chi Minh, and I managed to get lifts back to my village.



I haven't told my family any of this. I don't want to make them nervous. They think I will get my son back when he is ten and that he is to get a good education in Taiwan first. What else can I tell them? They would be so sorry to hear what has happened, and I cannot shame them like that. This is my burden.



I miss my son a lot. I am obsessed with him, I can think of nothing else. These feelings are so strong, but I don't dare go back. I think they would not hesitate to attack me again.



I cannot even earn a living for my family at the moment. My health is very fragile at the moment, I find it impossible to work. I am ill from the thought of the whole experience. Taiwan was a nightmare for me, I hardly dare recall the memory of that time for the pain it brings.



My son calls my sister-in-law mother now. But, if his life could be better, I would rather he grew up in Taiwan.



I want to go out and earn a living now, but I am too scared of strangers. I am frightened to see or hear of quarrels, fighting, beating. It all affects me. No one can guide me or console me. I don't even know the exact words to describe my experience.

