Worst of McMansions: Canada Edition

Hello Friends! Today I’m going to do something different. As you all know, this past week has been very stressful for those of us living in the USA. Rather than write a document about mortgages and bonds, I’ve decided to do something a lot more light-hearted: ugly house pictures from all across Canada.

I’ve separated each of the houses within the 5 main locations into three categories:

The Uggo Award: Pretentious houses gone tacky. These are the epitome of “I’m rich but still cheap.”

The ‘y tho?’ Award: Nonsense houses - these homes are large and bizarre

The Big Mac® Award: The cheapest, saddest, and most unhealthy houses.

So without further ado:

Ottawa, ON

Ah yes, the capital city of Canada, where the world’s most handsome Prime Minister lives (swoon) and the city with the highest median family income. And pretty buildings, for the most part. The Parliament Building is totes gorgeous. But then there’s these:

The Uggo Award

A very American-looking McMansion. If it weren’t for the address, I would have looked at this house and guessed Bergen County, New Jersey.

The ‘y tho?’ Award

Those stupid windows literally had me in tears. Not even figuratively. Literally.

The Big Mac® Award:

Taco Bell pic for reference

Edmonton, AB

I had no idea such a wasteland of bad houses existed in this cruel world (outside of NJ and Southern MD/Northern VA).

The Uggo Award

“we need a 2 story foyer for natural light” (proceeds to cover it up with $20 blind)



The ‘y tho?’ Award:

You know it’s bad when the image quality is as good as your architecture.

This is the house equivalent of Sweet Joe and Hella Jeff. (aside - oh man, I haven’t though about that comic in years! The high school flashbacks!! Make it stop!!)

The Big Mac® Award:

MAKE ENERGY BILLS GREAT AGAIN

Bonus house: McMansion Hell x Streamline Moderne

Vancouver, BC

Admittedly, I moved Vancouver down on the list because I wanted to use the shock value of the last two cities to suck you in. The truth is, it’s hard to find ugly houses in Vancouver. They’re all so beautiful.

The Uggo Award

Shoulda gone with Fascist Plastic Prairie for the alliteration, but the damage is already done.

The ‘y tho?’ Award:

tfw you need an adult and you realize you ARE an adult

The Big Mac® Award:

I’m going to try to refrain from political jokes for the rest of the post because these days they’re just low-hanging fruit, but this was just too hard to pass up.

Montreal, QC

Ok, Montreal, y’all are so predictable I put this together:

Montreal High-End Home Starter Pack™

The Uggo Award

There is ACTUALLY snow outside. And they’re still going through with the great room/dining turret dichotomy. smdh

The ‘y tho?’ Award

This is like those sailor suits rich southern women make their 2-year-old boys wear.

The Big Mac® Award

I won’t make a joke about the poor French Canadians, don’t worry.

Calgary, AB

Calgary, the largest city in Alberta. I wish I were Canadian so I could make sly jokes about the people, but I have never met anyone from Calgary, so you are spared…this time.



The Uggo Award

Those silly garage windows don’t even add anything architecturally. In fact, they’re totally inconsistent with the other windows!



The ‘y tho?’ Award:

Don’t do meth, kids.

The Big Mac® Grand Prize Winner:

Literally the epitome of a McMansion. Somewhere (probably at the University of Notre Dame), a classicist weeps softly.



BONUS HOUSES:

Waterloo, ON

Saskatoon, SK

Well, that does it for this round of Canadian McMansions! Be sure to stick around for Thursday’s McMansion in Arkansas! Just a note: there will be no post next Sunday, as I will be in Boston. (But after that, it’s Straya time!)

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