If you work at AOL, here are two people that make more money than you: Chief Executive Prickhole Tim Armstrong, and this guy, David Shing, who is currently appearing on MSNBC to discuss his aimless, ailing company. This is the face of a dying corporation, convulsing as it goes down.

AOL says it couldn't afford its old, superior retirement plan, but it can apparently afford this: "Shingy," as he calls himself over, and over, and over again, is one of those professional nothings. His job title is "Digital Prophet," which means he's gloating about the fact that he has a make believe job at AOL, unlike most tech charlatans, who try to conceal it. Our Skrillex of the Valley is tasked with daytime TV spots, playing a cartoon, pulling nonsense trends and trivialities out of his hair like globs of whatever carcinogen jelly is keeping it aloft like that.

@MikeIsaac fellow aol employee. i wish i was joking. — Darrell Etherington (@drizzled) February 7, 2014

If you swabbed the seats at TechCrunch Disrupt, spread it across a petri dish, and dipped that dish in uranium, this man would eventually emerge. But there's no need to wait: he's real, he works on AOL, and they want him on your television, making prophecies.

How many people were laid off to keep the Prophet in black nail polish and laminated trend reports?