Are you even paying the Park Ranger you're sneering at, while demanding she personally and for free keep a monument open that you yourself closed? What is this, an asshole boss competition? Do you realize that they in fact let the veterans in even though you closed the monument, even though they do not get to set up a little podium and hold a press conference in which they publicly masturbate over their great patriotism in doing so? Do you realize how many citizens witnessing this event were contemplating whether it would be worth jail time to just punch you?

The good news is that the ordinary citizens nearby, who are not the press and who are not obligated to treat Randy Neugebauer Being An Asshole as quite literally just another day at the park, came to the Ranger's defense.



At that point, a crowd of onlookers got involved. "Ask those questions of the people who aren't passing the budget," shouted a voice from the crowd. "That's who you need to ask these questions to." "This woman is doing her job, just like me," shouted another. "I'm a 30-year federal veteran -- I'm out of work."

Rep. Neugebauer protested a bit, then quickly ran off to buy himself an even bigger flag for his pocket. Good God, man, just get out. Get out of the memorial, get out of the government, get out anything that does not involve you walling yourself up in a hillside bunker. The entire Texas Republican caucus needs to throw themselves in the Potomac—the Park Service will fish each of you out again when they are good and goddamn ready.