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Libertarians, globalists, hate speech against the Illuminati, how to run red lights, the will to execute failure, using the airplane slide, people who walk around with neck pillows around their neck, a homeless ranking system, taking selfies at funerals, concern trolling and pretending to care, cyborg tells, how the KKK was born, how valuable is your semen, “So You Want to Talk About Race”, Uncle Buck and the Cuck Sockers, Mental Jess moves out, Road Rage: Atlanta, the myth of the free market, and the protein powder scoop always getting stuck at the bottom of the jar; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Road Rage: Atlanta is over and a new Road Rage Champion has been sashed! Congratulations to Alex Leimbeck! And the mysterious winner of the Lost Episode of The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Will he post it? Will he hoard the episode for himself? Only time will tell. I’ll be posting the Road Rage: Atlanta video soon (at Patreon.com/TheDickShow), as well as the Rage Quilt and pictures from the event. Thank you Asterios Kokkinos for your grumbles, Peach Saliva for your tunes and tears, Uncle Buck and the Cuck Sockers for your wall of sound, Nick Rekieta for your cop mustache-rubbing pointers, Hazencruz for your faith healing, and every single Dickhead and liquor-smith who made the trip, dressed up, got messed up, and in some cases fessed up, to participate in this touring shitshow of mayhem and satirical drug use. Sean and I are consistently blown away by it, but first…

Apparently, you can now “hate speech” against the illuminati, and inter-dimensional, shape-shifting child molesters–or maybe Big Water finally put the screws to Big Tech and everyone’s favorite “humble water filtration salesman” in their continuing scheme to turn our frogs gay. Either way, comedian Alex Jones has been banned from the Internet in a concerted effort that validates everything he’s ever said. Another victim of the memory hole as the humorless parasites of Silicon Valley play their social justice version of The Voice while their stocks plummet. Hopefully, now that the “Chili Menace” is gone, all the concern trolls who have been pretending care about the plight of the sue-happy Sandy Hook parents can rest easy, and go back to their lives of disdaining parents and the concept of parenthood in general.

I present this video in memoriam of Alex Jones: comedian, entertainer, father.

this on loop forever please pic.twitter.com/sma2cHSc1F — J.D. Durkin (@jiveDurkey) July 31, 2018

At least the libertarians will come to our rescue; the gate-keeping intellectuals who would let their houses burn down because they were too concerned about over-watering their plants to put it out. While Skynet pushes the boundaries of censure, oppression, and manufactured consent onto us from the top, Libertarians push the floor of anarchy out from under us with pedantry and DIY academia.

Making it illegal to sell heroin to a child? Not in my head-canon America! Where violence doesn’t exist even as a concept and everyone lives in the comfort and privilege of two standard deviations.

Libertarianism is astrology for men. It’s fun. Don’t get me wrong. It’s fun to apply extreme, free-market principles to every facet of life: marriage, courts, children, and see that yes, everything would be better–except for a couple eugenics mulligans, but we’re basically doing that in slow motion anyway, right? Codifications of human nature driven by intangible forces, matching up with reality in ways that seem real–and if they don’t it’s because there’s something about the economy you just don’t get. I’m not just a Libertarian, I’m a libertarian with an Austrian RISING–and small “L” tendencies. What’s your Libertarian sign?

It’s a fun escapist fantasy of free-market elves and opportunity cost orcs defending the kingdom of free-market America from Sauron the Inefficient, and it’s a distraction from what’s real: the mob of violence and bad faith that actually runs our lives. That’s what makes me a rage about it, in the American culture casino, all our best guys keep getting distracted.

Here is the episode of “Ask Uncle Buck ft. Nick Rekieta” Uncle Buck mentioned recording while at Road Rage: Atlanta. Somehow I missed this even though I was at the hotel it was recorded at and clinging onto Nick Rekieta’s mustache the entire night like it was a life preserver.

And here are the presents! A reminder to GET ON THE FUCKING MIC, a new “Sadeggs” Perler from Emily Ann Vouve at Japanda.co, and more spoons than you can hot glue even for $1,500. Thanks guys!



TDS theme re-mix by Bebi Jeezes.



A thumbnail only for use in emergencies by Woormwood Comics.





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