Unsolicited Advice for Hillary Clinton

Donald Trump said this during the debate last night:

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"You know, Hillary is hitting me with tremendous commercials. Some of it’s said in entertainment. Some of it’s said—somebody who’s been very vicious to me, Rosie O’Donnell, I said very tough things to her, and I think everybody would agree that she deserves it and nobody feels sorry for her. But you want to know the truth? I was going to say something extremely rough to Hillary, to her family, and I said to myself, 'I can’t do it. I just can’t do it. It’s inappropriate. It’s not nice.' But she spent hundreds of millions of dollars on negative ads on me, many of which are absolutely untrue. They’re untrue. And they’re misrepresentations. And I will tell you this, Lester: It’s not nice."

And Donald Trump had this to say to Sean "Call Me" Hannity after the debate:

"Well I didn't want to say, her husband was in the room, along with her daughter, who I think is a very nice young lady. I didn't want to say what I was going to say, about what's been going on in their life. So I decided not to say it. I thought it would be very disrespectful to Chelsea and maybe to the family. But [Hillary] said very bad things about me."

Trump then told CNN he's probably going to bring up these not-so-nice things about Bill Clinton at the next debate.

Most people who write in to advice columns wanna be told what to do. But some readers write in, explain their problem(s), and then wanna be told what to say. They're looking for help putting something into words. The advice columnist responds with suggested language, i.e. what the reader should say to the person giving them problems.

Hillary Clinton hasn't sent me an email seeking my advice, at least so far as I know (maybe one of those 33,000 deleted emails was one Hillary sent to me?), but I've pulled together some suggested language for Hillary anyway. If Donald Trump shows up to the next debate—which is an open question because Lester so mean and mic so rigged—and attacks Hillary by bringing up Bill's affair(s), here's what she should say...

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[long pause]

The fact that there have been challenges in my marriage, Donald, isn't news to anyone. My husband has not always been faithful. That's true. It's also not relevant to the question before the American people, and that question is this: which one of us—you or me—should be the next president of the United States.

My husband is not running for president. I am.

But if you want to talk about affairs, Donald, let's talk about affairs. Yes, my husband has not always been faithful; again, that isn't news. It should go without saying that his actions have, at times, caused a great deal of pain for me, for our daughter, and for all involved. It should go without saying but here I am saying it, Donald, because you want to talk about affairs. So let's talk about them. But first I want to say this: I love my husband. He is not perfect. My husband loves me. I am not perfect. We managed to work through the pain and save our marriage, like so many other couples who've faced similar challenges, and I'm glad we're still together.

Now let's talk about affairs.

You've had a few yourself, Donald. That's not news to anyone either. You've bragged about the affairs you've had. You divorced your first wife and married one of the women you cheated on her with. For your third wife's sake, Donald, I hope your cheating days are behind you. Because I know how painful being cheated on is and I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone. It really hurts. Call your first wife, Donald, and ask her how it felt.

But I don't think you really wanted to talk about affairs, Donald, certainly not your own. Your intent with this obnoxious line of attack is to suggest something: a woman who has been cheated on somehow isn't fit to hold the office of the presidency. I obviously don't believe that to be true. I wouldn't be running if I did. But if you think being cheated on disqualifies someone from holding this office, Donald, what on earth are you doing in this race?

Because being cheated on is bad, Donald. It hurts. But cheating is worse. A decent person apologizes for cheating, which is what my husband did. A decent person doesn't go on Howard Stern and brag about it. The American people don't expect a perfect president. There are no perfect presidents. But the American people deserve a decent one.