The Baton Rouge Police Department arrested Kenneth Gleason this week on charges of murdering two black pedestrians, ending a week of uncertainty in the black community over who would more likely shoot them first: an apparent serial murderer or a police officer.

“Things will get back to normal,” Gary Wilbur, who lives in Gleason’s neighborhood, said from his front porch. “For a few days there, I felt like it was 50-50 whether I would be gunned down by a vindictive loner or by Ken Gleason. Now, if my ticket gets punched at a traffic stop or in front of a convenience store, at least I know it’ll be for a good reason, like selling bootleg CDs or reaching up to scratch my nose.”

“For a few days there, I felt like it was 50-50 whether I would be gunned down by a vindictive loner or by Ken Gleason.”

At a press conference announcing the charges, District Attorney Hillar Moore promised swift justice for the community.

“The suspect insisted he only fired at the victims because he saw them reaching for a gun. I assure you, that defense will not hold up in court. Well, not for a civilian, anyway,” he stated.