Rahaf Mohammed al-Qunun, has now been granted asylum in Canada (Photo: Cole Burston/AFP/Getty Images)

The case of Rahaf al-Qunun is well known. Having fled Kuwait and away from alleged abuse, she landed in Bangkok and claimed asylum. The world watched as she used Twitter to effectively raise her case since she said that if she were returned to her family, she would probably be killed.

There are three things that stuck in my mind about this case. The first is that Rahaf was genuinely frightened for her life and the claims of harassment paint a picture of severe and complete control over her by her family.

The second was that she raised an issue that is affecting many families in the region around the way men and women are treated so differently, and the third was she said she had rejected her faith, in this case Islam.




Let me explain why the latter struck me.

About a year ago, I co-wrote a book on the personal experiences of those leaving Islam. As a Muslim, I wanted to highlight the experiences, and more importantly the voices, of those who wanted to leave Islam, since both Muslims and ex-Muslims were taking polarised social positions to each other and this needed to stop.

What I found was that many ex-Muslims feel isolated when they openly come out as atheists. This is further compounded by their immediate families, who disengage with them or think it’s simply a phase they are going through.

There was a real fear of the threat of physical and mental harm against ex-Muslims when they openly rejected Islam.

When they find out this is not the case, threats and intimidation – particularly against women – have formed part of the pressure on ex-Muslims. One ex-Muslim told me that her family read out the Islamic description of Hell and repeatedly claimed that her soul was bound to go through the contorted stages of pain described in the faith.

What I also found very alarming was that there was a real fear of the threat of physical and mental harm against ex-Muslims when they openly rejected Islam.

In one case, a gay Muslim man had to detach and disengage from his immediate family – this after years of feeling that he had let down God because of his sexuality. The pressures of faith, family and the stifling environment around him meant that he had to disengage for his own mental health.

This is also why Rahaf’s plea that she would be harmed because she was an atheist, resonated with me. What she claimed would happen, given the experiences that I’ve heard, may not have been in the realm of fantasy.

This is not an Islamic issue alone, though there are clear differences in the levels of threats and intimidation against people who leave Christianity in Europe.

I know of Christians who have left their faith and converted to Islam who talk of pressures from their families, and where some have had their immediate family stop all communication, sometimes for decades.

However, what is troubling is that the levels of pressure and intimidation against ex-Muslims rumbles on and that time and time again, I heard from those I interviewed they feared leaving Islam and when they did, they felt scared and alone.

On reflection, it felt as though religion within these families had become a tribal characteristic, where they were even willing to turn against their family to ensure that the tribe was somehow, protected.



This is also why people like Rahaf are so important. Apart from the fact that her courage has shown many people that they can take charge of their life and their destinies, Rahaf has highlighted something that is still taboo to raise in the Middle East – that people can choose to leave faith behind and make active choices about what they do and do not believe in.

In all of this, it is important to mention that it is not faith or religions themselves that are the problem. Yes, there are difficult elements of texts, but it is how they are interpreted and how families and individuals implement them in their families.

For many of the people I interviewed, a harsh and controlling interpretation of Islam meant that they pushed their loved one away from Islam. Yet, there are just as many families where Islam is interpreted so that people feel accepted, loved and valued.

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