Satyr Hater

Posted by Silenus on November 02, 2014

Satyr is the new Beaver

When my brother went off to college our DM decided to use it as a hook for our next adventure. At the end of the night, his character was whisked away into a magic pyramid and it was up to the party to delve in and save his ass. At the beginning of the next session, we trooped in and one of the first rooms we saw had a huge pit in the middle filled with bones and fire. Opposite of it was a Satyr playing a flute.

He completely ignores us and continues playing his little song,

"Dootaloo dootaloo dotaladooo"

Then something snaps in Aaerysta; our warhammer wielding, female, Tiefling Warlord. Without warning she screams

"Kill that mother-f@#&%>!!!" and double moves all the way across the room, hightailing it over with a fury she is not exactly known for. The party rolls initiative and she beats everyone, especially the Satyr.

Swinging her warhammer, she crits and it's decided she destroyed this poor Satyr’s knee. He drops prone like a sack of potatoes and she is standing over him taunting away while the rest of the party deals with the other monsters that have begun climbing out of this pit separating her and the rest of the party. Ignoring them completely, she cackles like a lunatic and smashes his flute on the wall. Then crushes his head as he lays there defenseless.

Eventually the party cleans up the rest of the monsters in the room and everyone is laughing about how angry this Satyr made Aaerysta. Then she looks at the DM and says

"I skin his legs.”

Everyone looks at her. We’ve all just gone from hilarity, to revulsion, to some form of confusion. "Why,” we ask?

"Because I hate him and I want to make his leg-fur into horn warmers."

And so she skinned his legs and turned them into a Tiefling hat. To this day she’s never explained her irrational hatred of Satyrs… she still has that hat.