Hey all, Eli of the Karls here. just wanted to chime in with my perspective on some of the top players in the region. Of course, I’m biased towards the players on my team, but I really think this list is a pretty objective take on where the talent is distributed across the North Central. I made an effort to shout out some guys I’ve seen at conferences and regionals these last few years who don’t normally get time in the spotlight!

First team:

Isak Poulsen- Hot Karls. This first-year has the audacity of a handler at least a year older than he is. His composure and maturity with the disc in his hands remind me of a slightly younger Noah Robiner- or at least, what I’ve heard of Noah, since I never saw him play until this year. Absolute lock for first team all-region.

Calvin Reinhardt-Ertman- Hot Karls. What is there left to say about this all-star first-year? Calvin’s play speaks for itself. Only moderately guardable by even the most slightly-above-average defenders in the region, he strikes terror into the hearts of those who are easily scared. No brainer for first team all-region.

Finn Tierney- Hot Karls. Sure, Finn is abroad right now, and sure, he isn’t playing in the series this year as a result, but there is no other player in the region who can turn the disc over 6 times in one point and then defend each and every throw as the right decision once the point ends. His positivity and grit in the face of self-inflicted adversity make him the Kai Marcus of North Central DIII ultimate.

Brendan McCann- Michigan Tech.

Chait Sayani- Hot Karls. #Chaitnation baby!

Andrew Griffin- Hot Karls. Andrew’s ability to recognize poaches and communicate them to whoever has the disc is so well-developed that he frequently does so even when he isn’t being poached. 9 times out of 100, these mind games obliterate Andrew’s defender, leaving him wide open for a huck that eventually sails out of bounds.

Will Thompson- Hot Karls. I’ve bumped Will down to 7th on this list of all-region first team players for only one reason: he’s so humble, he would be so embarrassed to be listed any higher that he’d quit ultimate forever. Nonetheless, he is undeniably more deserving of North Central DIII all-region first team honors than any player outside of the North Central region.

Second Team:

Caleb Rosen- Hot Karls. Ever tried to get open against Caleb? Sorry. Unless you’re Jonah Giese, because you did a pretty ok job (I love you).

Joey Silknitter- Hot Karls. If the North Central were a yearbook, and DIII were the blank pages on either end where people write nice things about each other, and the Northwoods Conference were the top right corner of the second-to-last page in the back right next to a long essay from that one friend who you were close to in 9th grade but have since drifted away from and don’t really mind, Joey would be the short but sweet note telling you to have a great summer, which he wouldn’t realize was just a token thing to say, because he really, genuinely wants you to have a great summer and, hey, you deserve it.

Jacob Flignor- Hot Karls. Proud owner of the FligWagon, a formidable weapon that he carries with him at all times, Jacob makes his presence felt when he steps on the field, on your feet, and on the disc after he blows up an under-cut but loses his balance and causes an equipment timeout while everyone looks around for a replacement disc that doesn’t have noticeable gouge marks from his cleats. Hard to believe this specimen is only a first-year and that he slept in my room as a prospective student but neither of us realized until well into the winter season.

Eli Inkelas- Hot Karls. That’s right, I’m nominating myself. Try and stop me.

David Krakaur- Hot Karls. That’s right, I’m nominating David. Try and stop me.

Iain McCay- Hot Karls. Iain would be first team all-region any other year, but the top-end talent this season means I had to make some tough decisions.

Xavier Xiong- Hot Karls. Xavier’s powerful quads can hang with the best of the best in college ultimate. Only Thomas Williams (I think?), that dude who plays on Darkside and has the thickest legs I’ve ever seen on a high-level ultimate player, has him beat there. Sorry Tom- if you played in our region, maybe I’d have nominated you. But you’ve made your bed; now you have to sleep in it.

Third Team:

Chris Padilla- Hot Karls. Once, Chris was a dear friend of mine there was a fun, fresh joke about Chris playing for the Karls. Then I kept the joke going for far too long, and now it is no longer funny and has driven a wedge between us. I miss you, Chris!

Tom ‘Third team all-region” Patterson- Hot Karls. Despite standing a meager 4’9”, Tom is sneakily the best deep cutter in the region. Though even Nathan Kwon towers over this wilting flower of a man, Tom somehow coerces his defenders into misreading the disc so badly they end up on an adjacent field, allowing him to trot along and make the uncontested grab without breaking a sweat.

Michael Carlsen- Hot Karls. I thought about listing Saul Wildavsky, an unheralded part of GoP’s success in recent years, in here, but then I decided he doesn’t deserve to be on this list at all. Michael is the platonic ideal of an ultimate player, but it was a weird day for Plato and he designed a player who was only good enough to be on the third team all-region.

Ishmael Maxwell- Hot Karls. I am in love with Ish ‘Squish’ Maxwell. Nobody in this region excels in crunch time the way Ish ‘Someone say Ish?’ Maxwell does. With the bases loaded and 2 outs in the bottom of the ninth, down by 1, Ish Maxwell stepped up to the plate and took 3 strikes looking, losing the city championship and ending his little league career. After that disgrace, Ish ‘Mighty Casey’ Maxwell took up ultimate, and has never looked back. Ish also has the rare honor of being the only Karl to be hit on by an opponent during a point this season.

Tim Adler- Hot Karls. Hailing all the way from New Zealand, this ferocious handler defender will make you wonder why the All Blacks were the antagonists in Invictus. I mean, sure, we all love Nelson Mandela, and sure, the South African rugby union side did make a good decision by selecting Matt Damon as their captain. But did you see that dance that the All Blacks did before the game started? Chills every time.

Sam Nozaki- Hot Karls. Hailing all the way from Providence, Rhode Island, this mild-mannered cutter will make you wonder why the All Blacks were the antagonists in Invictus. He’s so into that movie, I swear. He’s taught me so much about cinema and pointed out all sorts of cool things about the movie I would never have noticed without him pointing them out. He once woke up at 6 in the morning just to come over and watch Invictus with me, and if that doesn’t earn you a spot on the North Central DIII all-region third team, I don’t know what does.

Fin Ouweleen- Hot Karls. One of 7 people named Fin(n) to suit up for the Karls in the last two seasons, this one takes home the honors of Most Improved in the Weight Department (MIitWD). The nickname ‘Thin Fin’ doesn’t even really work anymore since he put on 70 pounds of pure muscle over a long weekend last February. Boasting the weirdest flick form in the region, he also boasts the weirdest personality in the region, but is apparently only the 21st-best player in the region- sorry Fin!

Fourth Team:

Ben Hafner- Hot Karls. Captain Collosus himself. No man in the entire North Central can hold a candle to Ben’s pure ability as a thrower. And yet, I put him on the fourth team all-region. No logic behind that decision, sorry y’all.

Sam Stevenson- Hot Karls. This Karl once shaved half of his head and was one of only 3 Karls to be photographed at the 2017 Northwoods conference championship.

Spencer Moore- Hot Karls. O Carleton our Alma Mater, we hail the maize and blue/Thy name is ever dearest, thy children ever true/O Carleton our Alma Mater, for thee we sing our praise/For thee we fight! For thee we pledge the strength of all our days.

Lawrence Lin- Hot Karls. Holy hell we have a lot of players on our roster. Despite learning how to throw long after I did, Lawrence showed me how to throw a flick, and I credit him with teaching me everything I know about ultimate and everything I know about the great state of Minnesota.

David Gallagher- Hot Karls. Dave may not be fast, and he may not be strong, and he may not be a very gifted thrower, and he may not be blessed with a high frisbee IQ, but then again, he may be all of those things.

Ezra Ward-Packard- Hot Karls. While Fin took home the honors in the Most Improved in the Weight Department (MIitWD) category, this year the honor of Most Improved in the Beard Department (MIitBD) goes to Ezra. He even beats out Ish as the most attractive person named Ezra on the team, though just barely. If this were an all-Ezra discussion thread, Ezra W-P would take home first-team honors no question.

Walter Boero- Hot Karls. Every team needs a glue guy. Every glue guy needs glue (how else can he be the glue guy?). Walt is the guy who sells glue to the glue guy. This guy eats, breathes, and lives glue. It oozes out of his pores in place of sweat. Does your team have a glue guy? Walt is what made your glue guy the glue guy he is today.

Fifth Team:

Louis Stein- Hot Karls. Bozubo!

Ben Mellin- Hot Karls. Boy, we’re pretty far down the list. But can I remind you that Ben is still one of the 30 best players in the whole region? That’s amazing! Good work Ben. Your father and I are so proud of you.

Anders Brodnax- Hot Karls. A converted soccer star, Anders is one of the top gratuitous bidders in the whole region. Before converting to ultimate, Anders converted to Judaism, Buddhism, and Rastafarianism, before opening his heart and mind to the gospel of Matt Gouchoe-Hanas. Every Tuesday after our 9-11pm practices, Anders enters a trance, reporting that the Clif bar he eats is the flesh of The Gooch and the lemon-lime Gatorade he partakes of is His blood. We’ve learned not to ask too many questions.

Gavin Young- Hot Karls. Don’t let his name fool you- this veteran Karl is actually named Jonathan. He is Jonathan Nethercutt. We forged all of the documentation and now Nutt plays for us. Oops, secret’s out!

Tim Mikulski- Hot Karls. Jimbo ‘Clonk’ Mikulski caused a minor tremor felt across campus this weekend with a layout he had against Bethel. Sadly he didn’t catch his D, and Bethel retained possession. He then caused a minor tremor in my heart by hand-blocking the dude who caught it. Jimothy ‘The Very Tall Milkman’ Mikulski is the largest person in the entire region, and that’s pretty special.

Silas Monahan- Hot Karls. Silas’ throwing prowess is so universally respected around campus that when Saul Wildavsky asked me why Silas wasn’t playing O-line and I responded “because he can’t throw flicks,” Saul thought I meant that Silas was a bad thrower, not that he had injured his finger and physically could not throw flicks. Bewildered by that sentence? Good. That’s just what trying to contain Silas feels like.

Colby King- Hot Karls. When Charlemagne invented ultimate in the imperial capital city of Aachen in the year of our Lord 811, it was none other than Colby who snuck up behind him, tossed a disc in the air, and roofed the emperor into oblivion. This event is credited as triggering Charlemagne’s descent into madness which dominated the last 3 years of his rule, during which time he could be heard muttering incoherently about dribbling.

That’s all I got! Once again, obviously I have a bit of bias towards the guys I practice with every day. But I made sure to hype up some guys from around the region who don’t normally get the spotlight in these discussions. Hope my input is helpful to everyone when you submit your ballots!