Marc Hubs is a writer/researcher on mind, science, and conspiracy. He is the author of "Know Your Enemy: Reflections of NPD."

Pernicious Abuse

It goes unrecognized but it exists.

It exists on an extremely covert level.

It happens behind the scenes without anyone even being aware of what the problem is; the real problem.

No evidence of it is left behind and no-one has ever been convicted of it yet in reality, what I will term pernicious abuse is something which can and does have a devastating effect, not just on the victim, but also within society. Pernicious abuse can lead a person into carrying out acts such as covert psychological murder, or perhaps even covert psychological manslaughter - something which is very real, insidious in nature but unfortunately unrecognized and virtually unquestioned.

Psychological murder can take many forms but the type I'm really referring to is of a covertly narcissistic and/or sociopathic nature. It may be too difficult for some people to be able to comprehend but it does happen and I've seen it happen.

Narcissistic/Sociopathic (narcopathic) abuse takes place when a narcissist or sociopath (or narcopath) attempts to convince someone who has discovered their unbelievably shallow secrets, gradually over time, that they are crazy and proceeds to manipulate them into keeping quiet or to ultimately face their wrath. They use techniques such as crazy-making, character assassination and gaslighting in order to get their victim(s) to question their own sanity.

They generally do so by ostracizing the victim while continuing to act out their part, expertly hiding their truly outrageous behaviour, whilst successfully having everyone around them fooled - everything is done to appease those around them while their manipulative and controlling tactics take place behind the scenes, outside of people's awareness. The victim is forced to question their own sanity because they don't realize that they are the victim because everything done to manipulate them is done outside of their conscious awareness.

The longer time goes on and the longer the victim tries to do something about it, the more severe the abuse becomes. The narcissist/sociopath has already built an army of unwitting abusers who all help to drive the victim crazy. The long-term consequences of these actions can be a devastating, soul crushing and reality-shattering path to be led down. Of course, there are many other types of abuse that can have just as damaging and severe long-term consequences. However, psychological forms of abuse such as gaslighting, mental rape, slander, defamation and distortion campaigns of a person's reputation are done so covertly and expertly that they are very rarely identified early enough.

The abuser, when carrying out these covert tasks, is faceless and undercover.

Narcopathic Abuse

Victims of this type of abuse are commonly left with no resources they can use to escape the situation; the abuser has stolen their finances, their identity and has turned the victim's own family and friends against them, due to the malicious web of lies and deceit that have been woven. The victim is trapped with no way out... or at least that is what they are made to believe.

Although victims go through what can only be described as being dragged through hell backwards, narcissistic and sociopathic abuse via heightened communication is so difficult to pick up on the human radar of perception that the victim is usually left scratching their head wondering "is it me?"

They have been made to believe that they are the problem. Such abusers are so shallow that they may cheat on their partner on significant occasions such as valentine's day or while they are away at a funeral - at times when the victim will least expect it.

Not only that, they will do it with the person the victim suspects the least.... time and time again.

In many cases the victim may turn to drugs or alcohol as a means of escape. The stress they are forced to endure can be so severe that if they don't find some kind of release in order to feel a sense of escape, they continue to build up with overwhelming tension, anxiety, emotional suffering and may develop an overactive mind which can literally drive them crazy - post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can soon follow. That's not to say that the drugs will either prevent it from happening or even slow the process down - they won't. They will only exacerbate the situation in the long run.

Psychological Murder

The abuser never quits abusing and the victim's self-esteem gets worn down to the core until they go through a process of devaluation, dehumanization and dissociation. The victim has been made to feel that they are nothing in this world, they now have nothing, they now have no meaning and nowhere to go and nobody wants them any more except for the narcissistic/sociopathic abuser who can now use the victim as their emotional/mental slave. The narcopath is now their God.

The process is so subliminal and it happens so gradually that it could take place over the course of ten or twenty or even thirty years or more. The victim knows that even if they did escape the situation the abuser would probably continue to ruin the rest of their life or future relationships anyway and in many cases after the partner has left, the abuser continues to drive them crazy gradually destroying their reputation, their life and their soul - often referred to as soul murder.

Eventually the victim may be left feeling suicidal but fear that others would see it as a selfish act. Additionally, they don't want others to be left picking up the pieces they left behind because they do feel real true genuine empathy. For this reason many victims believe they have no choice but to continue suffering the abuse and may feel that the damage is already done.

Some victims may ultimately decide to continue to pump as much alcohol or drugs into their system as they can. This way they can use it not only as a form of escapism but also to slowly kill themselves so that they can reach the point that they have to suffer the abuse no longer. Others may not turn to substance abuse but may end up suffering fatal medical issues as a result of the abuse alone which may potentially lead to death a result of pernicious abuse.

Some may have given up on their hopes of escape and may have just accepted things the way they are (conditioned into co-dependence) but unless they are an inverted narcissist, then the stress will eventually take it's toll. Stress is well known to cause a myriad of health problems, both mental and physical, many of which can be fatal.

Ultimately, the victim takes the knowledge of their covert psychological murder to the grave which forever remains a secret inside the mind of the abuser.

Marc Hubs is the author of Know Your Enemy: Reflections Of NPD

© 2011 Marc Hubs

Bansheeintheeyesmalone76 on July 02, 2020:

Im literally living this nightmare and have been for the past 9 years or more.. This man is the lesson i never needed to learn..I didn't know what an evil man he was until 2years ago fully, although after a year i knew there was something a miss,but like many others i blamed myself for the treatment i was recieving daily,as that's what i had drilled into me. Even my own family,children and some of the friends i had thought i was the cause for the silent treatment,ghosting,disappearences,abuse etc and couldn't see he was the puppet master an im just the puppet with strings he has in his hands.. He made out he was a family man, loyal, loving, with morals,respect,decency that has always been the lame dog who had always had the roughest end in life..But my goodness he is actually the opposite of his fake persona in fact he is the epiphy of evil in carnate..I am still in this situation now, with the realisation of what has been happening hasn't helped me escape from his clutches at all.. He stepped up his campaign of abuse,galslighting,cheating, living off me, treating me worse then you would a lame dog,berating, name calling,ghosting, withholding affection,hateful,vile,threatening,undermining ways after i got pregnant with our son,but even more so after our son was born he was even worse as he was in control fully by using getting my son taken away from me by any means necessary and due to my past history of addiction and alcholism he could very easily carry out his threats sucessfully.. So thats when everything tripled on the abuse etc..Im still stuck in it now on the grounds of he will make up stories to authoritive figures to take my baby away from me knowing its my worst fear and as he says they will believe him over me everytime because im an ex alcholic and junkie etc his words as i don't consider myself a junkie but a ex drug user of amphetimines for mostly weight control and to get up and go more etc only ever taken orally.. So im stuck, its making me feel mentally destroyed and physically drained,anxious, pain etc..These abominations are on another level of abuse i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy..When he's seeing someone else behind my back he's actually even more destructive,vile,abusive and lies about everything even silly things.. He also don't let me rest or have anytime to myself if he's in the house he will tell me our baby needs something he doesn't majority of the time just so i don't get a minute too do something im doing can be as much as sorting washing out to having a bath,as well as don't care if he wakes me up as he comes to bed in early hours mostly after he's finished his disgusting messages to various women sending videos of his private parts etc,gets into bed and shoves me up,grabs pillars from under my head even though he has 3 on his side,climbs close to me and puts his cold bits on my back etc,sticks his elbows into my neck and head at times,wakes me up to verbally abuse me telling me im hated by everyone, im a slob, im a man,lesbian,junkie,waste etc and he's had enough and soon hes taking my baby away from me and purposely laying on his back so he snores and if i ask him to turn over he ignores me or starts swearing at me etc..Never knew such things existed as these narcopaths in society, only in nut houses,prisons and documentries on tv etc.. Didn't see it coming at all..All i can say is that monsters really do exist and sadly as you put it covertly in amongst us and until you are in a situation with one you have no idea what evil their is inside..So my advice to anyone who finds out that they are up against one right now is get away from them,run away,hide,seek help and go no contact..These specimins are souless,dead behind the eyes,twisted,calculating evil incarnate,inhuman,unfeeling and physchotic freaks that can not ever change no matter what you do to make it different the horrors,persecution and alienation you will endure will leave you a former waife of who you once were with your soul shattered and scars that will never heal..

Cari124@me.com on June 23, 2020:

The article is really interesting. Would like to do more work on this area could you recommend someone who takes clients? Thanks

Quinn Edwin Dillon on June 14, 2020:

Can i get help anywhere i want them to know and I'm not giving up till she goes to jail and her family can pay for all the mental and physical abuse the allowed and did my land lord kicked me out for reason and to add more pain toss all my daughters memories in trash that passed even the death certificate i want revenge in a good way

Quinn Edwin Dillon on May 30, 2020:

I'm going through this and can't get help no one believes leaves me just a lot of mental health medications and the law enforcement treats me as I'm crazy when i confronted the family the put my life in danger with guns and knifes i have suicidal problems I am more aware if don't the help I'm very afraid that she will get best of me and will kill me please help i have no ones help your my last resort

Everette Chaney on May 21, 2020:

Well a narco path crossed the one that is gonna make this a law and criminal offense and it will come up to the law makers real soon, and its not even the fact she intensionally tried to ruin her vitims life with her sad and sick ass, but the effect it is taken on the 14 year old daughter is unforgivable, so either it becomes law or outlaws will be her prosecutor for her meditative intentional malicious acts, either way the law either makes this a law or an outlaw will, and Judgement isn't near the same as Real Law, but when man's law falls short of reality, what else can be done to these sick twisted individuals? Its not right they just continue with their lives unpunished, The Punisher wasn't thought of for no reason, someone apparently seen a situation needed to be handled, where man's law did not want to listen to reason, therefore man's law creates Punisher's, you take so much but when your sickness starts effecting children's lives, then you are nothing short of a pedifile and we all know what happens to those types in prisons, so I consider a narco path a child molester, rapist, murder all sick twisted minded narcos, should face the charges they deserve or the Punishment that is coming for them, if it takes the law hearing these type post to act on these situations then more victims need to come forward with their abusers so justice can be served by man's law or The Punisher. (No real intentions only for a story line for The Punisher comic book) Great with true factual basis for a great story to get awareness out, these narco path murders are real and needs the attention of law makers in our great country! And if lawmakers have empathetic souls they will hear all victims cry's and reliefs, once these actions are taken very serious and written into law, as worse than physical murder charges.

Mackenzie Colin on March 29, 2020:

Dear Marc, for the past 40+ years I have always known something was wrong with my brother and mothers behavior but couldn't articulate what it was. I just had a gut feeling it wasn't normal for my brother to making up lies about my good character. As a young teenager he would tell anyone who whad uld listen, that I was after the inheritence still does today- I am 51 yrs old now). I paid no reall attention to his lies because I knew they weren't true. Then in my late teens, being a happy, active person in spirts competiton, he would tell people behind my back I had hyperactivity disorder. People love gossip and listened to him. In my mid-late twenties he would tell people I had borderline personality disorder (which I don'). That smear campaign didn't take off the way he wanted it to because not mNy people even knew what BPD was. So he picked up a new smear campaign in my early thirties.....the bomb dropper......that I was bipolar. People gobbled that smear campaign up. At this point and for some time my mother has and continues to do the same to me. I truly felt I was going insane because I could see what they were doing and that it was wrong. To this day my brother and mother say I am bipolar, mentally ill. The kicker, I am the only on in the family who has sound moral judgement, empathy, compassion, great critical thinking skills and logic, passionate about health and the outdoors. He has even committed crimes and a felony against me but the neighbor, who believes his first smear campaign from 35+ years ago refused to give my the evidence of the federal crime my brother committed (To go into details about the crime would take another paragraph). He is frequently breaking the law and getting away with it. Together with my mother they have destroyed my identity, character, and my essence as a human being.

I write only a very brief caption of what I am dealing with ( i have cut ties many times but he has destroyed my life through the computer, harrassing phone calls, etc. He will NEVER LEAVE ME ALONE, EVER, Neither will my mother until I am dead. Yes, my mother has been hoping and trying to "kill me off" by trying to drive me to suicide.

Sadly, that may be my only way out as I have nthing left, no money, no job, no career, and no resemblence of the human I was.

My point, when I descovered this article I cried nnstop for what was about four hours because it was the first time in decades that explained EXACTLY what was happening to me. You wriTe so eloquently and can articulate perfectly what it is to be tormented by a narcissist. I am homeless now as of a week ago because of the non stop torment from my mother and brother with my father as back up. Should I pass, thank you, thank you for u for the courage to speak up on victims behave and for yourself. If I pass, I go to the grave knowing I was right all along, I am not the crazy one they are. Thank yu for the peace you have given me that I am not the Only one dealing with this. Perhaps one day yu will write an article geared on siblings and family dynamics vs the romantic relationship of narcissistic abuse.

Paula soper on March 21, 2020:

Im so thankful i was able to sign in, and found others than will only be able to understand this, i have been so alone too long, snd in misery, no one could understand this, the past few yrs. and I've made it worse in past by even trying to talk to anyone that was once in my life.Im too exhausted at the moment its late and need sleep, but had to thank you!!!!!!!for a place i can go too when im ready too speak with others!!!! Thank you!!!

Paul Noblin on February 06, 2020:

Ace,

Pack a suitcase and hide it. Squirrel away as much money as you can. Try to get some kind of credit. Take care of your body and mind. Remind yourself that all this is temporary. When the time is right, run like Hell, and tell no one goodbye, or where you are going. Once you arrive, tell no one where you came from from or your problems. Be patient. Do not trust anyone, including your family and friends. Get ready, and run like Hell. There is no point in defending a dump. I hope this helps.

Warm Regards... Paul.

Diane on February 06, 2020:

Abuse set up fraud memory attempts with people you knew in your past... 40 yeas...or more back or if they know them now? ...with implantable thoughts to fraud you ...put you away in mental hospital or prison from past as your rape victim now? Someone was over heard threatening a person about this..it was more about inheritance money and keeping secrets intact so they would not go to jail for something they did also!!!these implantables could be a very bad situation now for anyone anytime!

Keith Lankford from Houston Texas on February 02, 2020:

This program is well documented and has led to the deaths of many Americans.

There are now support groups in all fifty states for targeted individuals. The actions of these agencies are criminal and the agencies and people involved in this program need to have charges brought against them and be prosecuted for the crimes they have committed against American civilians.

I have been targeted since 2012 in three different states after having to flee my home state of 49 years in a effort to escape the terrorist activities these agencies direct against civilians never charged with a crime.

I suffer assaults, repeated break ins, drugging, poisoning, stalking, vehicle tampering, theft, etc on a daily basis and have since 2012.

The actions of these government funded agencies can only be compared to the actions of the SS in early Nazi Germany.

We need the help of our elected officials who have knowledge of this program yet refuse to speak out against it. This program has grown to large and is to well documented to keep silent about it, now is the time to put a end to this State Sponsored and Funded Terrorism, this will not resolve this issue though till all parties involved are arrested and brought to justice.

I am documenting the actions of these agencies daily, am facing felony charges after being set up and framed as homeland security and the Harris county police were running exercises in a subdivision where I had bought a house to remodel, Harris county police officer Munoz constantly harassed, trespassed, stalked, etc before he and Harris county police raided my house and jailed me. The reason for this eight year assault on my life is me being the 911 grassroots organizer in Alaska, and a website I had reporting on government crimes that was facing popularity at the time my house was raided.

I started this website again when stalking followed me to Houston aTexas it was taken down as all other websites I had all communication hacked and blocked and house burned down. This is shown if you look at the history of the site on archive.org.

These programs must end now for each day that passes only escalates the ramifications the knowledge of such criminal acts taken by government agencies will have when brought to light, there is no doubt the time is growing near for there is to much documentation to keep this silent much longer.

NSA whistleblower William Bonney and Kirk Wiebe help explain this in detail.

NSA whistleblower Karen Stewart also has much information. The view count does not indicate the actual knowledge of these programs, only the censorship taking place in all American mass media and social networks.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LCXpRnshgwQ

https://youtu.be/pAtVbTDo3aA

https://archive.org/details/hornhonkingcampaignhom...

Thank you

Keith Lankford

Keith_daniel@outlook.com

907-330-7337

I have contacted all us Senators about this repeatedly

Angela Ezenta-EzeTate ('Ace') on January 06, 2020:

GOD HELP ME! ~Ace

Marc Hubs (author) from United Kingdom on December 27, 2019:

I know how you feel, I'm the same age and pretty much the same goes for me. However I turned it all into something positive by writing about it online to set the record straight and get the info out there and thankfully I've had quite a bit of success in doing so and have made a decent amount of money from it.

Mia on December 26, 2019:

Wow, seems like Im pretty lucky to have fought my way out of these relationships. My exes were all narcissists, theyre drawn to me or me to them bc Im an empath. I'm now 42 and single and considering I keep attracting narcissists, I'll stay that way because I'm far better off. They are true poison, they will put you down until youre so crushed and broken you loose your identity, thats what happened to me with my first, I came to the psychologist with identity disorder, asking "Who am I? And who do others expect me to be?" That part healed but I never regained my once strong confidence. For the readoer; if you notice anything like put downs, rude comments, him/her being dissatsified with you and looking down upon you.. RUN! Run and get a new number and NEVER reply to unlisted numbers again. The only way is to fukn RUN!

JH on December 10, 2019:

My abusers are males - they hate women and life in general, they hide and use covert means of technological warfare against me. This began happening to me during a lawsuit and the abusers nearly succeeded in “forcing suicide”, something I did not know was possible until the settlement process came about. The 24-7 mind and body abuse has not stopped (almost a year and a half straight) and I have begged attorneys, the state of Nevada, the abusers, the police, and many others for help to stop the secret death penalty that was handed to me during the settlement process. If I had any idea I would lose my life over a personal injury lawsuit... I would suggest to you to not put your Hope into the “Judicial system”. Via surveillance these people are all aware of what is going on, and make money off of others’ forced suicides (snuff) and other “accidents” while finding enjoyment in ruining the lives of others. They get badges, and are paid to kill via mind control, brainwashing, mysterious illnesses, mysterious accidents, you know: remote controlled humans. We are living in an uncivilized society, that will destroy you if you do anything they don’t like. The laws that are there to protect individuals are being ignored. This country is not going to successfully continue while torturing its own citizens to death! Targeting is the most disgusting thing ever created. My own neighbors have been used against me, I just learned about the breaking and entering of “community policing” and it’s a sad day when you realize you can’t even trust your neighbors, your friends, your loved ones, etc.

Agent73 on December 08, 2019:

Kid Glow, you made an excellent post. I hope it stays on the top, because everyone who has been injured by mean, sick persons should read your post. I say, "There is no reason to defend a dump. Just get the hell out of Dodge, and don't even say" Good bye"to anyone. " Still, KID Glow, you made a very helpful post. Thank you.

KID Glow on December 07, 2019:

You keep being you! Remember who you are! Let your light shine in darkness...don't want much...don't expect much in life to protect your mind and heart...pray to god for miricles...you be creative, you get a team of people that you can trust that have been through the same stuff and you go get a petition for law makers to make this a crime and you talk to house makers and you share your stories from the beginning of your life up until the crazy stuff started....even share it on Youtube. Give LOVE by helping some one worse off little, but don't get yourself kill or kill yourself or kill...thou shall not kill... If you have no haters than you have no charater...i am KID Glow -just KID Glow (glow).

Survival of narcissistic abuse on November 21, 2019:

In this situation, just murder the abuser....it’s justified.

Errigo on November 13, 2019:

This is exactly what happened and Don Errigo is my brother masterminded the whole scenario since 1990's. he groomed my daughter and she premeditated to harm my quality of life. They did it all as mention on this article...I survived but it's never been the same. My relatives are stupid enough to believe their stories against me.

I'm not going to let them to get away with it. My philosophy as a self defense is to harm their children. It seems like theres no other solution and they got away with it...no, this idea is the only way to stop from happening. Mess with me, your kids dies. They will react defenseless and they will leave you alone. I don't want to do that method and it's' not me but sending a message to these dysfunctional perpetrators and it scares them easily. These type of people did their homework ahead of you and using playbook that you will never defeat them. Still true but the idea of mine isn't in their playbook and it scared them. That's the only tool to defend yourself because there are no other options to save yourself. Acknowledge them that their kids get screwed.

Thats my advice and it's touchy situation but don't get me wrong...I love kids and I don't want to harm them all..just a message with possibilities that they never expect it. Forgive me...its an ugly war between siblings or whomever...sucks to be them actually

Dan on October 28, 2019:

Hello Marc, Thank you for this article; it is is accurate with regard to life's experience.

I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

Justice will come on October 19, 2019:

The D.C. D.M.V communities are corupted and some military and police as well! They have crooks human tracfficking and stealing money and secretly mudering folks who tells or stands up towards them, they also be setting up people and gaslighting victims ... they put false labels on folks they want to destroy and rapes the victims kids and some missing people are human trafficing folks and occult sacrifice victims...etc.

Wanda phillips on October 16, 2019:

I have been going through this situation for 11 years. Hasn't stopped. Includes electronic harassment by black ex-con James Randall jimerson be. 01/29/1962. Child sex offender of 9 year old. Rap sheets. Longview tx. And his lover Carrie Elaine Nicholson Moore. Aiding and abetting. Longview tx. 4302103161. We were military family for 22 years. Non deserving of this. Invading civil rights!

Katie Kohl on October 13, 2019:

In going through this now I don't even know what to do cuz I have no money for a lawyer and because I'm an addict have been going through it for a last 12 years I am homeless and traumatized and in a shock they have no real support

Hurting on October 05, 2019:

Has anyone found a way to stop this or to prove when it is happening? My sister and nephew have been doing this to me since christmas 2012. I almost had a breakdown after they pretended to be an ex gf through social media sites for 2 years. I cut myself as a result. I shared a lot of personal information and thoughts i believe they are now using against me by getting other family members involed. Ive been acused of fraud before starting a course to get my life back on track. This caused me extreme anxiety because i had been out of work for almost 2 years. Ive been acused of physical abuse, stealing a phone and damaging a car. Its just getting worse. I no longer have any relationship with my parents. I cant even talk to them without getting very angry because they dont believe me and just say im paranoid. I believe they are now interferring at my work. Ive had conversations with my manger and later seen new user names and messages appear on a forum i visit that reflect the things i talked to him about. I would completely push it to the side as a silly coincidence but the names are messages are very directed. Near the end of the episoide where my sister and newphew pretended to be my ex i cut myself. Around that same my i had confronted my sister inlaw about her brother taking cocaine at her wedding. At work one day last year my manager and a colleague asked me to sit beside him and a colleague. There just to happened to be a razor blade on the desk where they asked me to sit down. They started talking about people who cut themselves and take cocaine. Ive not enough money to move out. Ive got a dog to which makes it difficult to find a place. On mental health day last year a colleague repeated gave me the middle finger and called me a fat fuck. I am completly alone. I live with my parents but no words are exchanged anymore. They just result in arguments. They are old and happily dismiss everyrhing without thought. Ive tried putting up cameras but i get abuse for that and some have went missing. I put up an automatic light but my nepew keeps turning it off. I have lost all respect for them to the point if they died i would feel nothing. Everything i say is turned against me. There is much more to this. I dont know what to do anymore. Ive just been living with it. My home life is like hell. My work life is better but im woring because more and more signs of family involvment is happening. I have no communication with my siblings at all. I stopped completely 2 years ago.

ISurvivedA6430coward on October 04, 2019:

I learned the hard way what the definition of gaslighting meant. I had quite the experience with a covert Narci abuser, who tried to murder me, after I learned more about the monster I was dealing with, and his adult daughters, who aided their father, in eluding me, by his paying them with gifts and money- not working and staying home sleeping all day, while I worked cooked and cleaned, as I tried to be the best wife and step mom. Things became very challenging, as his tension grew with 4 daughters and two adult husbands and 2 adult daughters, up all night, and his reason to abuse me- verbally and a few times physically in our barley year marriage. I spoke to my husband about divorce, and how I was leaving the following morning, as I didn't want us to end up hurt or in trouble. That night he plotted my death. The next morning- he attempted to murder me, as his adult daughters did nothing but sit back and enjoyed watching their father punch me full fisted, strangle me til I passed out, step on my back to pull my arms back - I was pulled by my hair, and led to a garage with card board and plastic, with a gun pulled to my head.. It truly does work when you give in and say how this is your fault,as its what saved me.. I said he deserved better and it was my fault- too give me a chance I would do better next time- But I lived- and my husband passed away. Life was changing now that the light of abuse was on him. His adult daughters continued to abuse by lying to police officers as if I abused them to cover for their father- my question is ..what kind of help is there for young adults who are raised with abuse all their life? Their mother 30 years of abuse- and never once made a report? Stated she stayed for her children? The lack of awareness and help- creates children of abusive parents, to become desensitize - will holding them accountable help in getting them help? or do we ignore til there is a victim?

Anon on October 01, 2019:

Mine too. Sooooo accurate. He finally left me when I survived what he thought would kill me.

anon on September 29, 2019:

this is right on. my experience every single word every step of the way. every single word. ive been set up for a lifetime of abuse. i cannot escape it unless God himself gets me out of here wo a soul knowing where im going. my narc has set up traps wherever i go, ive got several narcs and im ambushed, still im trying to escape. im disabled w cancer so it makes it 10000x harder on top of all that the narc has perpatrated against me making me the villian and he the saint when hes a monster. word for word, this article is my experience and has been for several years.

Anon on September 24, 2019:

What a great article. My partner is unfortunately a victim of this. The father of her kids is brilliant to the point that friends and family believe my partner has severe mental health problems.

It is not true, she has mental health problems, but they are quite literally caused by him. He is charming and helpful, but people do not see that he does not respect a single boundary that she tries to put in place. She has been reading the books by Don Hennessey (How he gets into her Head and Steps to Freedom), but it a hard road and the system and family and friends are not on her side.

It is a terrible blight on our society that people are allowed to act in this manner. I have a real fear that my partner will end up committing suicide to escape the pain this monster is causing her. Unfortunately as they have children together she can't just go no contact and be truly free of him.

I am someone who is broken, who has a relationship that is constantly being disrupted and damaged as I watch the woman I love be torn to pieces by a wolf in sheeps clothing. Until I had read "How he gets into her head" I would never have understood the horror that she lives in.

Marie Cresta on September 21, 2019:

THIS IS THE REST OF THE STORY THAT i JUST SENT

This woman that was supposedly stalking John and they could clearly see I was a crime victim by these 2 expert con artists. John Wilson only paid 2 house payments one bounced and when he locked me out of my house and scared me away he paid over $5,000.00 for a house payment. He finally left when I showed them my forged checks and credit card fraud but they only used the forged mortgage check and still I don’t understand why. He wouldn’t sign for me to sell the house because he didn’t care about his credit because it was already bad he just wanted to destroy my 800 credit. So for a year I called Indymac mortgage to try to get his name off the mortgage so I could either get someone in it to help me with it or sell it. It went into foreclosure and I didn’t know because he stole my mail He had taken all my money and left me in debt so I couldn’t get a lawyer but my sister knew this lawyer who gave me some free advice over the phone. He told me to go to court to force him to sign it . Of course he didn’t show up and the judge gave me the legal right to sign his name so I sold it for a short sale. I should have never lost my dream house. I went to court for the other legal issues of trying to get the money back that he conned out of me. Heike Calhoun and John Wilson had a lawyer and of course I had nothing so I had a court appointed attorney. John Wilson didn’t show up the first time and the judge didn’t penalize him he just made me come back another day. My friends and I were stunned when the judge didn’t allow anyone to talk and dropped the charges saying this was a civil case. I found out the reason was John Wilson only used 4 checks that he said I made out to cash for a little over $1,000.00 and my devastation was well over, I would say at least $80,000.00 or more. The 4 checks he used that day took me over 5 ½ yrs but I matched them to his bank book receipts I have. They could clearly see it is his signature not mine. The assistant prosecutor Diana Reed Rolondo was helping in the beginning but she said she did all she could and couldn’t bring charges and when she sent me all the paperwork back I couldn’t believe that the police reports said I allowed him to use my checks and credit cards. I was so out of it at the time of all this devastation that I should have had someone go with me and read every one of those reports because they were lies. It’s funny though I told Dina Reed Rolondo that I never allowed him to do any of this. She told me to get on with my life but I didn’t have a life I lost my house, my car, my job because of being late taking his son to school, my 401k, all my inheritance my dad left me and he even destroyed my credit. I was 50 yrs. old and my life has been a living hell. I have spent the next 7 yrs. doing the job the justice system should have done trying to find victims by putting my story on the internet. Every victim after me is the responsibility of the them by not doing there job and blaming me, the victim. Marie Cresta FRAUDULENT ACTS OF PURE EVIL IS MY WEBSITE mariecresta@gmail.com

MARIE CRESTA on September 21, 2019:

I let John Wilson and his son Chez move in to my apartment around Feb. 2005. He never paid for anything. He told me he had just gotten custody of his son (8 yrs. old) . He didn’t want me to ask him about his mom because he said it would upset him but in actuality John Wilson had his son since he was 3 yrs. Old. I did everything for his son to try and take away his pain. I took him to summer camp everyday before I went to work and paid for the tuition. Around June 15th 2005 he asked me to marry him and a week later he asked to borrow $20,000.00 for his gym, Delco Brazillian Jui-Jitsu. I asked him if he wanted to marry me because he wanted to borrow this money. He acted like I insulted him and said the gym is for both of us. The money was from the inheritance my dad had just left me (over $63,000.00) and I was going to put it back in the bank when John Wilson gave it back to me but he hasn’t repaid me yet even though down the police station he told them it was $10,000.00 and he didn’t remember whether he paid me back in cash or with a check. The police never made him verify this. He told his lawyer that it was a gift. In March 2006 we got a house together and I paid for $2,4555.00 upgrade, $10,000.00 down payment, $9,000.00 closing cost and every house payment (we both were going to pay and I didn’t know) came out of my bank account. John Wilson told me when he sold his house 3172 Bethel Rd. Feltonville, Pa. he would put it towards our house but I didn’t know the house was in him and his ex-wife’s name. I found out later that he wrote a check for their mortgage from my bank account and forged my name. He stole the mail and all my concentration was taking care of his son because I never had kids and loved them. He knew this. When we moved into the house about a week later this woman called (Heike Calhoun and her friend) and said they both were going out with John. He pulled the phone and said this woman was stalking him. This woman left a note on my doorstep the next day and it said how much she cared about him and he is on Match.com. (It was on my computer but I didn’t know how to look up this info at the time. I found out later he was corresponding with a lot of woman and probably used my red Firebird I allowed him to use and thought it was for work but picking them up and going over Heike Calhoun’s house with his son) so I drove up to the gym with John Wilson’s son and gave him the letter and wanted to know what was going on and he said the same thing she is stalking him. When I left he called me and told me Heike was following me and his son acted like he was scared but in actuality I found out later he was going over her house with his dad. The next day I filled out a police report and told them Heike Calhoun was following me. So about a month later John Wilson came home and said why don’t you get a couple of credit cards just in case you need them. I didn’t understand why I got 3 credit cards because I already had about ten of them and (thank God John Wilson didn’t know this because I would have been in more debt than I am in now) never carried a balance on any of my cards. I found out later he fraudulently used over $18,000.00 worth of credit cards behind my back because he would steal the mail. This one day John Wilson was supposedly going to work and Heike Calhoun was following him. His son got a bat and acted like he was scared of her. John Wilson told me to call the police. The cops called John Wilson up and told him to go to the courthouse and get an Order Of Protection. He acted like he was going to do this but in actuality he was going to Heike Calhoun’s instead of work. I was always living in fear that Heike Calhoun would hurt me. This one day I found this black book hidden under his clothes. I opened it and found a lot of names and found a star above my name. I was panicking and didn’t know what to do. I was confused and asked him about this and he said it was something he should have thrown away. I believe now this was all his victims in this book. In Sept. I came back from the shore confronting my girlfriend about everything that was going on and it seemed weird he wouldn’t bring his checks home. He said he kept them at the gym. She told me to check things out. I came home and told him I was going to Acme and I needed my keys for my Firebird because I was low on gas. I felt under the seat and there were rubbers and a lot of dirty magazines. I froze and didn’t look at all the paperwork he had in my car. It was my car and he must have had me so controlled. I have never been through anything like this before. I’m not a confrontational person but I asked him what is this for. He said I shouldn’t have let you take the car(even though it was mine) and said stay out of my shit and pushed me down. I was stunned, no one ever raised their voice at me and never ever put a hand on me before. I have never been so petrified in my life. I was on the phone with my niece and John Wilson came out and I saw his son’s face and I couldn’t call the cops because it looked like he had been through this before. After a week he came home and tried to explain it away. I was trying to figure things out but couldn’t imagine what danger I was in. I made stir fry that night and fed it to his son then went upstairs to eat with John Wilson and there was glass in my food. He said I probably broke the sauce jar but his son’s food didn’t have it in it. The next day John Wilson had big pieces of broken glass on the side of his plate. Somehow it just didn’t register in my brain what was going on. Later on I found beer bottles underneath the sink. A couple days after that I had a drink and when I got up in the morning everything was spinning and I felt really sick. John Wilson went to work. I had to crawl to the bathroom and I was so sick I called him home. I don’t know what he put in my system but I was still dizzy thereafter. I told the police later what happened but they wouldn’t let me document it because they said why didn’t I bring the glass right down. In my wildest dreams I could never imagine that someone could ever try to hurt me like this. On Nov. 9 2007 Heike Calhoun’s friend called me and said she knows about me but I don’t know about her. I called Heike Calhoun and met her at John Wilson’s gym. When I pulled up Heike Calhoun and John Wilson were standing outside and all I said I was with you. I saw 3 cops outside and told them I just found out this man conned me out of money(not knowing at the time the extent of the devastation he put me through) I asked them to get my car keys from John Wilson for my Firebird. They went inside and when they came out the cops told me to stand there and be quiet while they held their hand in front of me and allowed him to take everything out of my car. I was stunned that this was my property and after I had just told them about him conning me out of money. Heike Calhoun’s son who was 16 yrs. old said that John Wilson needed a court order to do this. I found out later that the cops allowed John Wilson to steal my computer and I couldn’t do a thing about it even though I still have my receipt. The cops knew him because of him being a Jiu-Jitsu instructor. I talked to the police chief and the mayor and nothing has been done yet. I showed the police all the checks he forged even signing his own name, fraudulently using my credit cards and they had the reports down the police station that Heike Calhoun was supposedly stalking him and me but in this together. He even locked me out of my house and one neighbor that knew his son asked him where I was and his son said we had a fight He even locked me out of my house and one neighbor that knew his son asked him where I was and his son said we had a fight and I moved out. Which was a complete lie. He told her Heike was moving in with her children. The woman that was stalking him and my name was on the mortgage and I paid for everything. They had to know they both were in this together. They had these police reports. Heike Calhoun’s mail went to my address. It was a house she was buying. I showed the cops this and they said it was none of my business.

Targeted individual on September 14, 2019:

I have to be TORTURED TO death sacerficed in Small town in CA. BECAUSE of this crazy jealous woman THAT uses ME TO HAVE CHILDREN with the DA's relative. Using him to get her way and 2 commit terrorism and murder on any women she wants killed by having the DA /INTIRE legal system court order everything she wants done TO ME. She never WANTED ME TO HAVE CHILDREN and never have anything/ anyone but to live for only being set up on criminal CHARGES as scapegoat for THEM TO torture ME 2death until they set up on charges. .she had my 4 year old DAUGHTER killed by torturing her 2death. BECAUSE she never wanted me ME 2have a baby. She has the intire intire legal system supporting her and all her femicide circle of friends involved using me to dismiss their CHARGES and have a baby in RETURN TO HAVE ME set up on CHARGES and killed they TOOK AWAY my RIGHTS TO EVER HAVE CHILDREN BECAUSE they torture/ murder other people TO sacerfice them for having children. This BITCH will NEVER let ME have a chance to enjoy life without being TORTURED 24 hours a day or HAVE chance TO enjoy life and HAVE CHILDREN unless they have 2 KILL her.is the only way to stop this psychotic BITCH.. she has people MURDERED just cuz she can TAKING advantage of the legal system and The DA is stupid enough TO allow it BECAUSE she's another femicide psychopathic BITCH.? The legal system in TUOLUMNE county kills WOMEN and CHILDREN THAT are VICTIMS of sexual assault and any other form of VIOLENCE BECAUSE they LOVE TO torture .and punish WOMEN THAT are suffering and forcing them TO commit suicide by how BAD they DESTROYED their lives and treat them. .this county IS highly SUPPORTS PEDOPHILES who rape and murder CHILDREN and WOMEN. I HAVE over 3 decades of proof.

Yaboi on September 08, 2019:

Things are not going to happen. They were going to happen but you were so excited for it to happen that you took every good thing from me such that I didn't want it to happen, because I know you did this to me, but don't want to give you anything. Maybe you tested me early to see if that's how I would react, and so you've done this, and so I've responded like that. Maybe you only acted like you wanted it. Maybe the side-ways whispers were meant to be heard.

I hope your world burns. I hope I'm forgotten.

You're too interested. You made them interested. They abuse me every moment of every day.

I'm afraid of moving in my bed when I wake up, because somehow they know. It's quiet until I move, and there's no reason abusing a sleeping man for 8 hours when he doesn't hear it. Maybe they wake me up, maybe that's how they know. Maybe these smart-as-fuck gossipy birds know exactly what's going on. Maybe they chirp different when I leave my house to let the street know I'm out. Hope to hear the same sounds when someone else leaves theirs, but you never do, like I'm some spectacle. Migrate the fuck away. I hope the insect population dies so you die.

But back to you... you yell at me louder when I take a shit, louder when I take a shower. You start the sound of sirens when I turn the kettle on, or if I code for too long. I guess you don't have too much to say because besides being incredibly street-smart and highly social, you're all fucking idiots.

Sound-cannons are a thing.

Tech is shipping into this country, or leaking out of the military.

Go fuck yourself and your Hitler-esque human experimentation.

I don't want to hear you. I don't want you to hear me. I don't like you. I'd sink the ship if we were both on it. You're abusive, you're crazy, you're intentionally ignorant.

How've you done this to me. How do I get out.

Dani4real on August 30, 2019:

First byy mmy mother, the her and her choosen daughter, then by my ex husband, and currently many still too close in my life. Yet God finally gave me my one first true love and we weather the storm together. For it is comeing to have so many preditory people out there. In case those bad guys forget, you lose. Love is all that matters in the end, God is Joy, joy is love. Godbless.

We sound crazy on August 27, 2019:

Wow where do I start. I am 37 yrs old and realize for the first time that I have been and am being psychologically and physically tortured. My guess is as good as your as to who and why they are doing this but I would venture to say it is becsuse they want to produce something from me. Gain results of some kind. It took me awhile to realize what was happening because like so many of you have stated it is hard to explain. When you try to explain you end up in hospitals. None of this makes any sense why things are happening to me. Noone I know lives like this. I dont know what is worse the psychological torture or physical. There are days now I cant take it anymore and wish for death. When you try to go to the hospitals for help with pain its a total mind fuck bec they treat you like you are some disgusting addict seeking drugs. If you say anything you end up in the psychiatirc ward for months. That in of it self was not treatment. It was not a vacation. It is not rest. It looks like something out if a horror movie where your fighting to leave and maintain your sanity all the while the environment is so crazy around you. Patients screaming and yelling and personel fucking with your head only to tell you they are just doing there job or they cant help because they didnt seee anything that just happened to you. It is alot like prison only they step up there game. Once you give in and tell them you will do whatever it takes to get out of there if that means taking meds that make you even more sick its game on again. The fighting to maintain your sanity and life still continues. So what is my diagnosis you ask? I am only 0.03% of the population. Schitzoeffective bipolar 1 disorder.yeah ok. Its another way to legally control you. Because now you have a label and now authorities know you. Have had many boughts with police bec I was scared half to death in my own home and had to call them all the while my caretaker my mother ia telling them its ok I am a mental patient. I know what I heard was real. My boyfriend on the phone heard the gun shot too in my house. So i think real hard who is fucking with me and why. My psychiatrist would ask me who is doing this to me and I shrug my shoulders as to I dont know. Who would pay to go out of there way to do these things to me. My guess is the government or some entity's outside of this world in the universe. Maybe studying us for there own results to figure out human behavior. Or it is a conspiracy. I had flashbacks to when i was a kid. I invented text messaging. I dont care if yoh believe me or not. There were men and women in black at my school watching us show our presentations. My theroy is i have a highly creative mind and i can predict the future sometimes. Some phd guy from NASA I sat down with told me im telepathic. Anyway whatever. I will explain further about the text messages invention so youll believe me. We were given an assignment to invent something. I came up with this device that would send messages from one to another so you can read what someone wrote. The idea was sparked by having a best friend who was deaf. Her mother would call her to come home and I thought wouldnt it be nice if she had something that would send a signal telling her to come home. I got my step father the build it and i added tiny jewel's to the front for the letters. I already knew at the time my friend could communicate with anyone via phone call by this device called a TDD is i think the name. It looks like a mini computer and you type what you want to say to the other person youre calling and the rep on the phone reads the messages and relays them to the caller and back and forth she types in what you say over the phone. So that is where my idea came about. Now i am not saying i created the software or whatever to get the device going im telling you if there was another person who had the idea too the thats probably true but it was not i invented yet. Even computers were new to the scene at this age im describing. Anyway, whew..that was alot. You see i am still fighting to prove myself to people even on this blog. For what? Becaus i am reaching out. Last night I have never felt so hopless as I did and really wanted to die. I get mad when I wake up in the morning because sleeping is my solice and my escape although i do not get much of it i have to nap during the day alot.which brings me to my next example of torture. They get me exhausted to keep me awake.my family acts like i am lazy because i am not moving around like tthem. When i finally come out of the coma and move around they act like i am manic and call the doctor. It is totally torute.I do not even know they know that they are aware they are doing it to me.i hope not that would be even more cruel. So what is the purpose of the tortur? To produce results of some kind. I am a commodity to them. The sad part is they want me to invent and create and when i do when i write or paint they say i am manic and need to stop. Its so fucked up. My mother is the main character in my life that I love and hate at the same time. She is evil to me. The yelling and screaming she did when i was yonger took its toll on me. Ill hear her yell when noone is at home. Yes I often hear things people do not and see. But i keep my mouth shut bec ill end up you know where. Today i am not sure what my furtur holds im not lazy. I have my bachelors degree in psychology and nearly killed myself to obtain it. I am on Disability right now becaus every time i try to work or get a job some shit happens to freak me out. So they keep me isolated. I have applied for so many jobs but noone will hire me. Even DARS cant help me. The government agency that helps the disabled.yeah right. Everyone is just out for themselves. Noone does anything about it bec they cant and if they tried or wer even curious theyd be met by resistance and intimidation. I do not know where the torture started. I thought i had a pretty good upbringing despite some minor abandonment. Things havent been the same though for awhile. I do remember feeling like I am on a different planet. Like people dont seem to struggle as much as I do. They plan there life and it works out accordingly. Not the case with me. I appreciate this blog. It was nice to see so many people can relate to my sufferings. I dont know what my next move is I just know what who I am living with is an abuser. I imagine myself running away. But i have a child to look after and i do not want to uproot her from her good school and stable life. Yes her life is normal. I had a chance to leave with my good husband but of course my mother threatened to tske berkley away from me and she had all of my money.i am just now getting my own bank account and managing my own finances. I have learned to fight back to my mother. I have learned to not show weakness in front of her bec that means danger. When i cry she often threatens to call my psychiatrist. He is i think a good man and innocent in this but he listens to my mother way too much and does what she tells him. Thats wrong. I know it is. Anyway, I dont know if my post will be helpful or not. I havent given up the fight yet. I am still here.

Marc Hubs (author) from United Kingdom on August 22, 2019:

Gaslighting is more about subtle crafty tricks like moving objects in the house around to confuse the victim or hiding their keys somewhere so that victim feels like they're losing the plot.

M.B. on August 19, 2019:

What about gas lighting.I have seen this first hand.It's a form of stalking,threatening ,and harassment.It is planting the idea that someone is out to hurt you anywhere you go.The rest is planting that belief in the victim's mind through reputition of stalking threats etc....Found it best to keep your guard up when it occurs.Dosen't work if agressor can't invoke fear and paranoia.I would even say its seems like a form of a physopathic behavor.

Keith Smith on August 17, 2019:

Sooooooo, why haven't you noticed that the postal shootings were a test program to cause mass shootings across the country. I am a lab guy and I see a pattern. I am old and I have never seen nor heard of mass shooting like this. No one is asking any questions. What the hell is going on. Can't anyone see this. Does everyone have normalcy bias. I see clear motivations for this. Everybody needs to wake up.

Carlin casey on August 16, 2019:

I’m a victim of this torture for the last 10 years and I feel like I can’t go on any further , I have not been perfect to say the least but this is something I would never even dream of for my worst enemy .

Esther Beltran of Paramount ca on August 01, 2019:

My father along w two of my brothers are guilty of killing my brother and mother 2 months apart and I knew that I was next and have buried my entire family this past Dec. But thank God I walked away with my head held up and have over come loosing my sanity and broke the bond that was holding me captive and now Im free free at last and the only shame I have is for the family I once belonged to. Esther from Paramount Ca

I left the last few comments. on July 31, 2019:

I get very angry sometimes and not for nothing. It’s because I have alot that I’m dealing with. My health is not great. People lied about me and held me down in the past (so much for my 20’s, long gone). It hurts wanting to be yourself and be outgoing and have nothing but good intentions for everyone and several people devoting so much effort to twist it and use it against you. And they don’t stop, unless you just crawl under a rock and sometimes they still keep on! I don’t know exactly who was behind it or why, but since I was very young, about 4, some people insisted that I was gay and I’m not. But my own seemingly caring family believed these people over me. Alot of other smaller situations happened that were ridiculous. Then in my 20’s, I was called just about everything you can think of, because I calmly spoke my point of view, on my local news paper online, in comments. All I was trying to do was have intelligent conversations with whomever read my comments. And try to get others to think from what I wrote and for me to think from what they wrote in response. Many people I was introduced to knew me from my comments and complimented me. But some were absolutely malicious. Some were family members. Some of whom acted like I was to kiss their ass and they were to mess with my life, because I was an idiot and pathetic and things like that and I guess they wanted to believe that’s just the way it was. Some people had others believing that I was a pedophile, gay, autistic, virgin, antisocial. What nerve! Some people really have nothing better to do than to lie about and slander others, I guess. Between the sexual, physical and emotional abuse, health problems that persist, financial complications, fabricated social complications and everything else, it has taken a toll on me... I don’t want to kill anyone, like I’d said in a previous comment. But that’s how I felt at times. I think I just need to get in a better environment. Avoid toxicity, stay focused on the good. Man, some people really are sick or something. Everyone has a breaking point and when others keep slamming them, constantly and then some of them act like I had better kiss their ass. GET FUCKED!!!

Angry on July 31, 2019:

Thinking about this more, it’s like it’s so much more complicated than it appears. The only reason people are out to destroy someone else, is because they feel inadequate. And I don’t think we’re up against people. I think we’re up against something on a different level. I guess the best we can do is learn from it. I’m angry and for good reason. I feel tense and like I’m on the edge of having a heart attack every day. I don’t know what the solution is. I mean, no human is perfect. But to deliberately keep slamming someone and to do it in such covert and long thought out ways is just sick. It’s like they can’t acknowledge that Jesus is God. And just live and let live. No, they have to fuck people around.

Its like being forced to have two identities on July 31, 2019:

It’s like the real me isn’t allowed to exist and prosper. I’m a very social person, but not a sociopath. So because I don’t want to play that game I usually avoid people. Otherwise I get played with. It’s like I’m just watching my life pass me by, for nothing. And watching many others happily prosper and then some of them wonder what’s wrong with me? Like wtf! Nothing wrong with me, some of you people, though. You hold others down and manipulate them and try to make them out to be a whole bunch of things they’re not.

Agent73 on July 30, 2019:

I find the last two comments disturbing, but there is nothing I can do. I wish both of you the best. Please read these trusty words from the Bible. This is the best advice I have, and these verses have helped me so many times. I am not preaching.

Psalm 57:4-6 King James Version (KJV)

4 My soul is among lions: and I lie even among them that are set on fire, even the sons of men, whose teeth are spears and arrows, and their tongue a sharp sword.

5 Be thou exalted, O God, above the heavens; let thy glory be above all the earth.

6 They have prepared a net for my steps; my soul is bowed down: they have digged a pit before me, into the midst whereof they are fallen themselves. Selah.

King James Version (KJV)

Public Domain

Angry enough to mass KILL on July 29, 2019:

I know some will think my last comment is extreme and crazy, but it’s not. It’s a kind thing to remove people from humanity that are deliberately out to destroy others. I wish I could see clearly who’s who.

Angry enough to mass KILL on July 28, 2019:

I wasn’t really looking for this, but came across it. I wouldn’t even know where to begin explaining what I’ve been through or who my ancestors were and who and what some of my close family members might be. And everything else that’s gone on. I don’t even know why I wake up in the morning. I just want the abuse to end. If not, I’m going to kill as many of these fucks as I can until I’m dropped. Anyways, I want to pass this website around. It’s not directly related, but talks about how the establishment has lied to common people and manipulated us. It’s theocs101ark.com please join and comment on the videos, if you feel inclined to.

Agent73 on July 23, 2019:

The Key to the Universe;

Revelation One Nineteen

Write down a brief account of your day, your problems that day, and a list of tasks to do the next day.

©1985 Paul Noblin

Read Rev.1:19 (KJV).

"Write the things which thou hast seen, and the things which are, and the things which shall be hereafter;"

Write down the past, present, and future.

Align your inside mind with the outside world (reality including Christ), and you will be one with All.

Telepath Love & Perfection.

The past is not fixed. The past is in flux and is constantly changing.

You can bend reality.

You are the center of your own Universe.

Reprogram yourself.

It only 15 or 20 minutes of your evening.

You must join our organization. The S. P. C. P. - The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to People.

Just bury $40.00 in a jar in your backyard. We will contact you. Presto. You're in!

Make sure that no one knows that you are keeping a journal. Make certain that it can not be found. Tell no one, ever. A diary can be be used against you by your enemy and in court. Take my warning seriously. Still, this method is the very best way to regain your sanity. Believe in yourself. Use your natural psychology. You know yourself best. Store up a suitcase and cash. When you can see a break, leave town and do not look back. Tell no one where you are going. Still remember, if you act crazy, you will find a state mental institution, or better said, it will find you. Best of luck. I believe in you. Believe in yourself. Do not defend a dump or wasteland. Save yourself.

Christine Skinner on July 22, 2019:

Hello,

I really appreciated this article. I am a clinical social worker, and have worked with people suffering from narcissistic abuse, mobbing, scapegoating...etc. I myself have suffered these things as well as what I call organizational murder. I have counselled families and seen organizations psychologically torture, scapegoat and not only black ball but attempt to destroy a person. I also have suffered the attempts of organizational murder. Thank you for this article and helping to raise awareness for those suffering in silence and isolation. Hopefully, more can be done to assist clinicians and the legal field in knowing how to deal with this violence.

With light and love

Sustained on July 22, 2019:

This is how Gerard Butler was made to feel in the movie Shattered. It’s a GAME but instead of 24 hrs it’s infinity. Although he deserved it. This is being done to us that don’t deserve it. I like the advice given to not try to defend yourself or be believed. One of the keys is to find different ways to do what you set out to do that they block the 1st time. The fact that we are here writing to each other in sane terms is a feat in and of itself. Godspeed Sustained

dr blabby on July 15, 2019:

Craig Gould -- Google a counselor in your area who deals in personality disorders - particularly narcissism. They are out there and they will not look at you like you're crazy. Good luck. :)

Craig Gould on July 12, 2019:

Where do I go to get help for this kind of thing . Anyone I have gone to for help has treated me like I'm paranoid or obsessed and a mess I am .. 16 years and she bit our 11 year old son when he was three I couldn't believe it I told her I was taking him from her . She told me she would just make me look crazy I was scared she was right . . I think she has just pushed me to an all time low day after day trying to get me to kill myself right now I'm being blackmailed and she won't let me see my kids . I'm not scared of her anymore .

Agent73 on July 09, 2019:

It was my habit to drop four, four-way hits of blotter LSD that was made by graduate students at Vanderbilt University. The students had axcess to a certain aluminum reagent that has since been outlawed in the United States. There is little LSD in America, and street acid is mostly made from insecticides.

I saw a blinding light, and discovered The Key to the Universe. When I got home, I told as many people as I could about my discovery. No one would listen.

Finally, I picked up the phone and asked directory assistance to give me the number for The Satanic Church in California. A young woman answered the phone, and was delighted that I called. I got their address, and followed up on my call by writing this Satanic Church a detailed letter using my own name and address. Nothing bad happened to me.

I suspect that somehow, Ozzy was privey to this secret information. When Diary of a Mad Man was released, I rushed to get a copyright on my work. I reduced everything into one simple sentence. As the years have gone by, I have contacted many rock musicians. I do not play guitar, but I played trumpet for twelve years. Funny, I have no talent. Still, it pisses me off to the core when people make outrageous claims about rock music when they have no clue as how to play any instrument or read sheet music.

I am forever in debt to Ozzy Osborne for making Diary of a Mad Man. I have never confirmed it, but Ozzy even embedded a special message, just for me, in the album. "You got to believe it yourself, or no one will believe in you."

If you align your inside mind with the outside world (Reality including Christ), you will be one with All. I have found The Key to the Universe in my Bible. Rev.1:19 (KJV). "Write the things which thou hast seen, and the things which are, and the things which shall be hereafter;". Write down the past, present, and future. I have decoded the most secret message known to mankind.

The past is not fixed. It is in flux and changes all the time. I have met US, humans that live in the future, a million billion generations from now. They have time and space machines and travel the lightwaves, even to different dimensions, to every point in time and space, instantly. Telepath Love & Perfection.

I am a Christian Mystic and work for The United States High Command as a Special Secret Agent. This recipe is so simple, but you must try it to make it work. I sold this in Rolling Stone magazine.

The Key to the Universe:

Revelation One Nineteen

Write down a brief account of your day, your problems that day, and a list of tasks to do the next day.

©1985 Paul Noblin

Long live Ozzy!!! I have no idea what this article is about, but if you read Brett's articles, you will find that the best revelations can be found in the comment section. AlternativeNation knows what they are doing. They report the best Rock & Roll news, but like Rock & Roll lyrics, you have to read between the lines.

I have a huge Army behind me. You can read about it on LinkedIn. I am Paul Noblin,and my profile picture is a fork atop a glass of Kool Aid. I suggest that you read my profile if you are interested in joining the fight. What ever happened to the hippie Dream? Thousands were slaughtered in Vietnam to kill the Dream, and what politicians wanted most was to sleep with many heart broken young girls. All wars are fought to de-poputate young men and make available, thousands of young women who are starved for affection. Ask Ozzy. He is a Seven Star General. I am a foot soldier and a four star general.

The goal of Russia and China is to make every person in America psychotic, mostly using advertising and television. They have almost succeeded in their plan. No one is home. Most Americans are, in fact, psychotic. The United States of America is a concentration camp.

I am glad that you can walk in pitch black darkness because you have Faith. See blue skies today and every day no matter the. Weather. You are a real trooper. Carry on, my friend.

Warm Regards... Paul.

The Scapegoated on July 09, 2019:

I want to walk away from them all, but because my mom has become a dependent with over 25 years of severe physical illnesses, I must continue to fight for her. When I am not there she is being covertly abused by the 83 year old 60 year NPD disordered. When a family member is of no use to him any longer and when a family member cannot be persuaded to join his smearing of another any longer, he totally removes them from life. I will not let him abuse my mom any longer. I am in it for the fight no matter how many times he locks me out of the house or calls the police on me for trying to be there for her! IT IS ARTICLES LIKE THIS THAT OPEN THE EYES OF ALL OTHERS WHO END UP INVOLVED - like the police, EMS, doctors, aides, nurses, social workers. They need to be forced to read articles like this in order to learn who the real aggressor is in a domestic relationship. And they need to understand especially how the NPD disordered will enlist the help of others to perform his dirty deeds so he can keep his hands clean throughout the abusing. Thank you for the post. Keep them coming. Let's spread the recognition of this illness faster and better than ever before. Too many have suffered until death, quietly, in the past.

Michelle ollerenshaw on July 07, 2019:

This psychological abuse is worse in a cult environment and your family choose to believe the cult leaders over you feeling suicidal over this but I chose to walk away from it all and leave the family behind it's nice to not be treated like that anymore and just try to build myself up again being careful who to trust in a way not trusting anyone hope other people come out of this and realise they're not alone x

Sue3044 on July 07, 2019:

For sufferers, try going outside every day for a walk. Looking at the beauty in the world. Take care of yourself because no one else will. Write a list of things you like and like to do. Doing some of those every day. Turn to Jesus and read your Holy Bible 15 minutes a day starting at the beginning. Life might look dark, but a person can get up and see themselves for the wonderful being they are. There is a start in every race. We can and will work through the difficulties.

Lucifer Lawless on July 06, 2019:

Some people are powerful enough to kill their abusers in their sleep and or just destroy everyone who needs to be wiped out thats it I dont like being nasty but sometimes people only understand fear because if you love them they think you are an idiot and keep fucking your life up so from expirence I learned nobody really likes me but will do what I say when they are terrified which is a bit sad but you get that on the big jobs

Sustained on July 06, 2019:

These abusers are children in adult bodies. The abuse they suffered was never dealt with. They don’t understand why a God of love would not help them while they endured the abuse. I think by making others suffer it’s like for their wounds. Godspeed to all! Sustained

DrBlabby on July 06, 2019:

For those of you who are or have been victims of a "smear campaign" where your narc is spreading outrageous lies about you and attempting to destroy your reputation -- these are the things you do NOT do.

l. Do not try to defend yourself to anyone. Narcs have flying monkeys who have been brainwashed by the narc to believe the abuser.

2. Do not go on the internet and attempt to expose this person for their lies. It will backfire... You will only prove that you ARE the crazy one by these actions - that's what the narc wants you to do.

You LAY low.... Realize YOU are the truth -- and those who don't believe you - were never your friends to begin with.

My narc turned his entire family against me almost l0 yrs ago. I tried to defend myself to his daughter. She attacked me with the most vicious attempt to discredit me and defend her Father. NOBODY Has ever talked to me like that in my life. Outrageous disrespect. Then I realized.. Narcs come from a dysfunctional family - it's not uncommon for there to be more than one. Just detach -- Stay in your own truth.... WE know the truth. Maintain your dignity and integrity. They have none.

Bo Bo Johnson on July 04, 2019:

had a million cash 10 yrs ago , today I sit in a room alone day after day, with nothing and not one human being talks to me, my only daughter 32 yrs old closer than any mom & daughter could be suddenly silent , no incidents. so I don't know how he managed to do that because anyone who knew us would tell you to this day nothing could ever come between bmy daughter & I , so to say he's a pure demons or to say he's an expert would be the understatement of the century , I have no more strength to do shit, my life 8s over

Stacie on July 04, 2019:

What is one to do if this is happing to them what if know one belives them an they have no suport from anyone . The suffering has become so over barring

ChaosZeray on July 02, 2019:

Please don't ever think no one is listening. Some of us are working on helping our own and hoping to help with the way abuse it's looked upon. Our history in North America has kept abuse in the closet. But as you see we are all stepping out into the light to be seen and heard. It may be one at a time but it is adding up fast. Don't be ashamed or feel alone. I have had a horrible awaking to both my daughters. Working on the final outcomes and they will be victorious!

Remember just because no one says anything as you tell your story does not mean no one is hearing them. It's may be they don't have the words yet but your voice can give her those or maybe the one who listens had not yet been but hm lays ahead in her future. Victims have goodness in their hearts. Keep it, spread it to others they are not alone. May God touch your lives. -ChaosZeray

Leroy on June 30, 2019:

This is exactly what I have went through for the last 15 years, everybody I know blames and accuses me of EVERYTHING. I have specifically been told "something things will never change".

NeddaJoy Lentini on June 29, 2019:

Yes. Yes. As dark and hard to grasp as this seems, it is an absolute reality. I will add the danger aspect psychologically is beyond believable. Please listen, if cluster b involved as well, horrific crime can result. It is fueled by the perception of abandonment and feeling victimized by the actual abused party. I cannot go into detail here, but please protect all identities and cyber accounts while caring for your mental and physical safety. This level of disorder is documented danger. Try and look up death row interviews. Astounding reveal of covert invisible abuse gone to escalating levels.

Sue3044 on June 28, 2019:

I am not only dealing with NPD, they are telepaths and mentalists that can inflict physical damage. Broken wrist on the tennis court and back injury when I returned to tennis.

I have managed to stand up to the psychological murder for years without alcohol or drugs. It's reputation ruining of prostitute that they hung on me. A queen bee started to do me in when I was new to tennis. A lot of locker room taunting. I could have filed a complaint about them showing porn in a city owned facility but didn't. They are very persuasive and stalkers. Only one sentence along with a photo and people turn on me. The perverts force themselves into homes of my friends and show porn videos. I usually know immediately by change of how I'm treated. Photoshop photos and two videoed room invasions that were turned into porn assist the bullies.

Our abused adult resource center has started a program of green dot. A person who steps in or stops the bullying or abuse. Red dot for danger and black dot that I don't know what that means other than danger for both the red and black.

I had a friend who was approached outside a recreation center where we play billiards and told the prostitute line. She said, let's go in and you can point this person out. Video surveillance inside and out of the building. I don't know if they have access to the surveillance video feed or not. They also approached the people we have evening socializing at a resort. Two were going to attack me. Another one, who was a coach and referee said not to be so hasty but watch my actions.

H. has had a long-term relationship with one of the detractors. He's been a cheat for 35 years. I stay because at first and continues, I couldn't find a job to support myself. Family members also bully. At a wedding, they secured all the chairs at a table and wouldn't let my H. and me in. My SIL. There is more but I think this shows the issued. Thanks for the article.

wutz4tea on June 28, 2019:

To FriendOfDaves:

There are dozens of groups and pages on facebook. I have two information pages myself..."Domestic Abuse is Never OK", which deals with many types of domestic abuse and violence... I also recently started a new one which deals mainly with the emotional/psychological abuse mentioned here.."The Purple Brolly".. These are just information pages, (not groups) with articles such as this one and links to helpful support groups and websites ((ie..Inner Integration, Queenbeeing.com, 365 I Thrive, Emotional and Narcissistic Abuse, Spartan Life Coach, and so on, as well as links to international domestic violence organizations))... I was in this boat, too, and I searched and found these and other sites. It is important to note here though,--* read and learn a bit about this type of abuse before joining support groups and then step away from them when necessary, as these people are also still hurting and suffering varying degrees of toxic abuse. It can be a challenge, but it is also very helpful. Cheers...

Wolfwolveswolf on June 27, 2019:

I've commented many times. But no one cares, or want to hear about real physical and mental torture, especially when it happens right here in this so called UNITED STATES country to people born in North America.

No one cares at all!

They just freely torture physically and mentally all they want.

The sinister, evil, so called people who rule this land with Power and control, though they are far worse to me than any commie has ever been, and not that I agree at all with commies. The point is what it is, and NOT good at all. None of this so called U.S. is good at all to me.

All it had been is just one gigantic LIE! That keeps torturing me for nothing I've done, or deserve.

Though I guess that is what the demonic do, they desire greatly to target people with sinister and evil. Two birds of a feather (though NOT relative at all to real birds, with due respect to birds)!

Need I mention who they faithfully worship?

Rich Paradise on June 27, 2019:

The so called U.S. government State & Federal- tortures physically and mentally us people with a Sever Chronic Pain Sickness; and there are other certain people for whom those who have Power & control, target certain people and do as they wish- no matter how sinister and wrong it may be. For they control us all they want, and either torture the selected people for a long drawn out Painful death, or kill such subjects quickly.

It is all at their discretion for whether they so choose to torture the selected individual, or to kill quickly the selected individual (they do torture some people for some time, years, decade(s), will stop for some time, and torture the person again for however they feel to do it, possible orders from their earthly god from below- to do it however they wish).

I've been dealing with this control of the existence they take and force me to suffer in or commit suicide, all part of the sinister mind game they force and play us with- just as demons, and i.e. the fallen angels do. All part and in relation to how they torture me whenever they wish to, and I've been controlled now for almost 40 years, since I was 18 years old, and as an adult controlled/played with in a sinister manner by the demon people for 40 years.

Where they finally allowed me after two decades to have somewhat of an adult life for 13 years, but now I believe, can easily see, that such the 13 years was just a tease to taunt me.

Now they mentally play with me even deeper with a sinister type of taunt, where I have to face the Hell I know I can not take of suffering, or death/suicide. They know it is NOT easy at all, and there they go again with the sinister mental game torture they play against me.

Where I get to learn just how evil and sinister so called people can be, just like the demons, and the fallen angels.

They know my mind keeps playing with what I could have, but I am NOT allowed to have or be a person of their group who sell their souls and do demonic things. But what good is this when you face a physical suffering Hell. They even tell me "Pain is not suffering." I kid you not, and I'm talking Pain so bad it is unbearable, you start losing your mind, and you do NOT at all live. You want to live, but you want to die. There again the mental game they play against us for fun. Yes to show me what I could have, but nope I'm going to be tortured more, possibly for good. To suffer in physical torturous Pain, and where you get NO help. Been there, this is what they do. Again, all part of the mental game of real torture, and the option of only death- they throw at us like a steel bone for a Dog.

These creatures of the dark side, I have to thank for one thing, I now know that Satan, and its fellow fallen angels are very real. Just like Satan's faithful two legged creatures that rule this earth in different lands (the U.S. too).

I have finally come to see that none of this is real as we were led to think- by the very real system and two legged creatures that rule over us here on earth. Yes it is also real deep (yes deep that way too), and truly both sinister and evil. Nevermind all the lies we are told since we were young, led to think, and as if all of this globe is real too. Yet none of this earth has anything to do with real, it it is sinister and evil, the so called United States too. It is a whole different place than we have been told. Where so called people, are NOT always people at all. Some may look human, but the deception runs greatly. Between demons, fallen angels, and those with two legs who have sold their soul to them all. But they also rule and control us, torture and kil us.

Just Pray, I tell any real person, Pray that you are NOT of any of the people the so called U.S. government purposely targets here on earth, and for you know who. As they destroy any kind of life they wish to, and freely they do it. Being the innocent people they have marked/selected as an unworthy people for any kind of life. Whether prolonged with torture, or quick kill- and unknown why they decide we are the marked/chosen people by them, the reason is unknown for why one person they mark as chosen for torture or quick death, and yet not the next person. Where they do choose for the marked/chosen people, to either make the person's existence a long miserable torturous on going drawn out death, or to just kill the person quickly (from one day to a few years, to even a decade, that I assume is quick/fun/humorous in their eyes. Where they also know the person will have to choose between suffering, searching for a hopeless non existing answer, or suicide.

Like I said, we have no choice on/in the matter at all. Though they do love to play with our mind, besides the fact that they are torturing us greatly both physically and mentally- in a sinister, cruel, evil, manner, of which they get away with all the time here in their little earthly Hell.

But NOT only do I know about them, but also does G-d know well (put lightly) about these two legged demons here on earth, and who they truly worship.

Danna Smith-Aldridge on June 27, 2019:

I am going through this still and my Faith in Jesus Christ is all that sustains me. Please help me if possible

FriendOfDaves on June 24, 2019:

Would you people please get on a Facebook group chat or something because you need to support each other. It seems like some of you have come through the other side of it with the help of AA and Jesus and even crumbs left of your will to survive and be happy.

My friend Dave is dealing (but not very well) with this or something like it everyday. He's using like many here and clearly that does no good whatsoever. But since we met he's become a one-topic obsessed person and had me vacillating between convinced he's got to be right about this, through bored with this shit, all the way to fucking angry & kicking rocks to get away from him because he got high and lashed out thinking I have an agenda to hurt him. This is where I'm pretty much at right now. Insulted, not interested in being anywhere near this level of crazy. Whether it's real or imagined. I'm not without struggles, but I'm too healthy and I kick too hard to be pulled in or down into murky waters. Still I found myself hi, being yelled at accused of the same thing he's told me others are doing to him. This after many months freely, neighborly giving of my sweet heart, time and money in friendship 2 him and his ill behaved dog. So I'm out. He sent me this article and out of curiosity and not expecting much, I read it. Still stinging from the loss of time I used on someone who so easily and ill-ly mis-judged my character. I'll get over it. I'm not very sentimental.

But I was astonished by how many people claim being victimized by this. So I thought I'd throw a final life preserver ring for him and on all of your behalfs. No need to thank me, so few of my many character-defining charitable acts get acknowledged. lol.

Many of you here have shared experiences in common with his. Do you believe me, can you help me is how/why support groups are started. I saw Facebook recently advertised Groupchat or something like that. The advertisement was 4 Elvis fans or people who like New Orleans. Hoping maybe there is someone here who is inspired to create one to commiserate with decent but confused people who are being gang stalked. That's what Dave calls it gangstalked. Dave Thomas, he's on Facebook. If you create one would you be so kind to invite him That's about all I can do. Hope you folks get freedom from this. Maybe you can do it together. Personally if it were my problem I would immediately get to the gym, eat clean and get my head above the game being played. I would end the mothrfkr. No revenge no games. End it. Good luck

A

DrBlabby on June 22, 2019:

I have been with a narcissist for 13 yrs - married for almost 8. At first, he seemed "normal"....then the mask came off. I attributed it to his dysfunctional family creating a unique person. I was fascinated by his whole demeanor - not realizing I was being set up to be his latest emotional punching bag ( wife # 3). We dated/broke up/dated broke up with him being a cheat, liar, thief, and two faced backstabber who orchestrated a smear campaign that resulted in his family never speaking to me again. We are older. I don't want to start over - but when I agreed to marry him - I kept my house. My "insurance policy" - my safe haven to escape from his craziness. I know what he is,. Even filed for divorce 8K later- that he called off. Why do I "stay"?

BENEFITS. He has a fantastic retirement package that I could never afford on my own - medical benefits that I need at my age. So we continue to play the game - I am astounded he can still come up with ways to abuse me, emotionally - and I held on to hope for a long time. No longer. I will be his part time companion - when it's convenient for HIM and I will be happy to collect his pension and social security when he dies. To all of you reading this.. DO NOT BE WITHOUT RESOURCES TO ESCAPE. Have a plan. Protect yourselves as these narcs are only in it for themselves and don't give a hoot about you. Not ONE. Don't be stupid - play the game if you want -- but develop a thick hide where you always remind yourself that you are a loving, beautiful, and caring person. THAT the narc will NEVER NEVER NEVER be. Karma will get their ass. Trust me. ( He ha never supported me - I am totally financially independent of him so I didnt' marry him to be a golddigger. Got more self respect than that. There is more tot he story but space prohibits me from sharing all of that.. He may be slick. But i'm smarter. Good luck, everyone. They will torture you to your death if you let them.

David Isaac Dodds on June 19, 2019:

Sadly this is all very real. You know it is when you have an entire community of people that you don’t even know, covertly harassing you and playing little mind games. The more you try to figure it out, what you’ve done so wrong, the worse it gets. Talk about an overactive mind and PTSD. It’s pretty much a full time job just being awake. This sounds an awful lot like organized community harassment and mobbing. And just to think, I’d actually like to get to know some of these people, but they just see me as a fucking psychological punching bag, all while they smile in my face.

Becky Goodale on June 16, 2019:

Can see this is clearly without a doubt what my 45yr old daughter is dealing with.She turns to alcohol to self medicate and just makes the excuse that a drink or two relaxes and she enjoys It. But at what cost. In debt, I have tried to help and there is no help unless she faces what he is! Unfortunately he is the Father of Her only child. At 5 yrs old of course she loves her Dad. I can't be around him at all because he has verbally abused me as well and I do not have to condone his behaviour. He is a sociopath, my daughters self esteem must be pretty low to deal with allowing him back over and over. He destroyed 30,000 dollars of her possessions early in relationship,

And makes her believe they were worthless.her personal paintings were priceless..furniture..clothes..he has told her to go hang herself calls her worthless., how can Imas a Mother help??? Everyone else has walked away leaving her even more isolated. I believe he will physically harm her or and my Granddaughter eventually and there is nothing anyone can do to stop him. He doesn't work, drive have a car , oh he drives others cars including my daughter's without a license, insurance..he is beyond the law a total

Scumbag of a criminal and living life off of everyone. Collects ODSP and lives

High on the hog on others money.

A cockroach of a human you will never eliminate without strong poison!

Jean on June 16, 2019:

Our soon-to-be retired boss of hundreds of adults and children has NPD. It seems I didn't do sth. he wanted me to do - I do not know what - so he gave me so much work, I had burnout and felt close to quitting, since I knew he was evil. When I got back to work, he started stripping me of my functions and duties, while shouting and denigrating me for silly things, like an empty cellphone. In between, I called in sick, he was so delighted on the phone that I swore he would not do it again. After a break, I returned - and his mask slipped. I went on with a smile on my face till he claimed to the Ministry I was violent. My lawyer and I could prove I was innocent : journaling is very important! I've switched workplaces, the NPD will retire in a few weeks and I'll be able to breathe again.

Debra Roncancio on June 14, 2019:

Marc Hubs i wanted you to know and your readers. I finally proved that my husband Pedro Roncancio has committed psychological and sexual abuse. This is how it happened. I filed for SSI and by the grace of God, i was sent to Dr. SHILPA TRIVEDI,PSYD. I was diagnosed with PTSD and it states my husband was my abuser. I now can sue my husband and include pain and suffering for 21 years. 1998 - 2019. I also have sent a 211 whistleblower claim in for committing tax fraud and tax invasion bcus Pedro thought he could hide our 3 million dollar company income and his personal income from the IRS and me. There is justice . I never gave up, why, I had my wonderful girls support and love the entire time. There is hope to all. Saying goes NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR LIFE. TODAY I AM. TOMORROW I WILL BE THE BEST PERSON TO MYSELF AND OTHER'S IN MY LIFE. I enjoyed your site and i hope your readers will find comfort, knowing they are never alone. God will guide you through a path of life. And authors you shed a light to others. God bless.

Sustained on June 14, 2019:

They said don’t be a drunk! I’m not a drunk anymore! They said don’t do drugs! I’m not taking prescription painkillers or anxiety meds anymore! They said get a job! I’m working 58 hrs a week! They said shhhhhhhh! I’m shhhhhh! I keep moving up the ladder! Things are much better now! Keep moving towards the light! Godspeed to everyone! Sustained!

Alife4we on June 11, 2019:

This is hard. but gonna just be open. Im currently using to escape this from someone i havent seen or heard in two years. Recently he hit me up on my phone pleading for help and i caved in even though i went through hell trying to male sense of what was happening in my life since the day i met this guy. Im overactive in my mind and extreamly exhausted to explain much. But im using every day. i shoot. Crystal. and everyday while im doing my shot i tell muself im just going to do this and have fun. but my mind cant stop thinking. it just doesnt know how to make assumptions because there are no hard answers that dont hild doubt. I used to make sense but now i dont. Ive lost my way. And how can someone do this and not even be there? I did this to myself. Maybe. A part of me wants to go to rehab. to try and make a change. But yhe state of exhaustion just keeps me from ever leaving my home. i dont evenget out of my chair hardly but to go shower and use the bathroom or cook something. Im freakishly scared of bugs too but even that has taken a toll because im hardly caring to keep gaurd from them. im messy and dont pick up after myself. The day this guys called me just recently, i fucking cleaned my house. But since he hasnt really come like he said he was, ive noticed im just rightback to this path that will lead to nothing but death. im sure of it. how do i stop myself and get help? i hardly give a fuck about this person. me. i only care that truth is known and that minds are at peace. I have a quality about me that is my biggest strength in whats happened to me. Its being aloof. It may sound weird but this ability saved me dozens of times and still does. im able to be infrom of anybody and know whats going on but i dont show it and so many times im actually one step ahead of whats happening. which lead to my successful escape two years agao. but how do i use this strength to help myself with where im at now. I couldnt care less about my reputation because i just dont care. I just want to go into a soundproof room and for once not hear the things i hear. I know. ive become schitzofrenic. or however you spell it. i hear what i used to hear for real. but i know its not for real now because i held onto it all.and thought too long on making sense of all the judgments or hazing. Im sorry world. Find a reason to love instead of hate.

MyMei

MyMeI

Who I am, I must be.

I'll take it slow

Before I lead.

Learn and grow

So much to heed.

This much indeed;

Listen To know.

Ask if in need.

One thing is free,

Who I am, has no fee.

Who I am, Can't be seen.

I am not this body.

I am not this hair.

I am not somebody

You see standing here.

I am the Intentions.

I am the Choices.

I am the Questions.

I am the Voices.

Who I am, You are too.

-Alife Jodi Fox

POINTS HAVE GOT TO GO AWAY

Must I keep so still?

All day, just sit and play.

My views have changed too ill.

Points have got to go away.

Yet do I stop myself?

So far I've let it be.

Passive and deta