Trigger Warning: The following essay deals with emotional trauma and toxic relationships.

You should date someone who treats you like complete shit.

I’m serious.

All of those articles and essays you’ve read about “the love you deserve” and finding someone who loves you at your worst? Forget them. Let go of the dreams of finding someone who loves surprising you with your favorite things and feels lucky to just sit next to you at brunch.

Yup. Still serious.

You should date someone who treats you terribly. Who treats you in a way that makes all of your friends wonder what the hell you’re thinking.

Someone who treats you like shit.

Find someone who never texts you back and always lets you initiate plans and never makes an effort. Find someone who belittles you and makes you question their feelings because they can never be bothered to take two seconds to tell you. Find someone who uses you and who makes you feel disposable and who can never seem to be there when you actually need them. Be with someone who doesn’t care about your needs, your wants, your ambitions, your thoughts. Find someone who never asks about your family and disappoints you repeatedly and never says they’re sorry. Find someone who doesn’t care about you.

Find someone who treats you like shit.

And then date them. Fall for them. Go blind to their behavior. Make excuses for them and justify why you’re the only one who gets them, who knows who they really are. Pretend like everything is fine and convince yourself it is. Convince yourself that you can change them, that you are the only person who understands them and why they are the way they are. Believe that if you stick around, they will change and they will love you even more for always being there when they weren’t the person you needed them to be.

Love them in spite of everything, even when you know you probably shouldn’t.

And then get your heartbroken. Be devastated by it, by them. Sit there, holding yourself together and wonder what you did wrong. Question everything. Wonder if you had just been something else, something more, if it would have been enough for them to change and love you back. Blame yourself for their issues, for their shortcomings.

Blame yourself for why they treated you like shit.

But then…

You’ll pick yourself up. You’ll move on. You’ll wake up one morning and even though the memories of them and how they treated you will still be there, it won’t hurt anymore.

You should date someone who treats you like shit.

Because when you date someone who treats you like shit, you’ll realize how you ACTUALLY want to be treated.

You’ll go from being the person who shrugs off bad behavior, who excuses things, who puts pressure on themselves to behave a certain way while letting others do whatever, and you’ll turn into someone stronger. You’ll be better, stronger, more self-aware. You’ll turn into someone who knows what they want, and more importantly, what they deserve.

You should date someone who treats you like shit.

Because once you do, you’ll never let someone ever treat you like anything less than amazing, ever again.

Read pick up lines for girls.

For more bite-sized writing, read these amazing quotes.