Quad preachers are a fixture on the quads at both UIUC, and ISU campuses. This year they will be using technology to convey their message. Expect to see daily affirmations appear on your smart phone this fall.

“This way we can reach more students about how they are on a dark path. The church will be sending tweets, something called dm’s, and text messages this year. Students will wake up to their cell phone showing them a message about how they are whores”, exclaimed one missionary.

UIUC students are not excited about this, “How did they get my phone number? I have fifty messages saying horny devils be warned,” one student told snickersee.

“I always found them entertaining in between classes. My friends and I loved how other students would yell at them” an ISU student said, “But, waking up after a night at Pub Wednesday and seeing that text message, asking me if I believe in the after life is unnerving.”

It’s reported that the messages are not to be intrusive. Students can expect to get thirty to forty messages before noon. As well as another sixty before dinner. Missionaries representing the quad preachers say, “We feel that these are good numbers. Spreading the lords message is never annoying.”

Students who receive the affirmations from the quad preachers can respond with “Stop”, and messages will end in 24 to 48 hours.