I know it’s been a while since I’ve written anything in here. Not since before my birthday, I think. The last time I wrote something was around the time I started sitting with Trent and his friends at lunch a couple days a week.

I remember back when it used to feel like SUCH a huge deal to be sitting with them. They felt like, untouchable or something. On a whole different level. And I guess there are still moments where it kinda feels like that. But not nearly as much anymore. I’m used to them now.

And that’s pretty much why I stopped writing in this thing. I haven’t really felt like there was anything I needed to get off my chest or anything. Nothing major, anyway.

Guess I’m kinda overdue for an update though. Let’s see what there is to tell before I get to the good stuff (“good” in major quotes because… you’ll see).

My birthday was a couple weeks ago, which was pretty cool. But I was kind of expecting it to feel like a bigger deal than it actually did. There really isn’t anything that ‘sweet’ about turning sixteen, and to be totally honest, it doesn’t feel any different from being fifteen so far. But I got some pretty sweet presents out of the deal, so… score!

Oh! And this was awesome: Mason told me he went to a con in England a few weeks ago and — get this — he actually tried making his own costume for once! He was SO proud. It was adorable. He kept messaging me to ask for advice, and when it was all done, he sent me a ton of pics.

And… okay, honestly, it was kind of garbage. But I didn’t tell him that, obviously! I love that he at least tried. I just wish I could’ve gotten to help him with it in person. I miss him a lot. But we still text and chat and stuff whenever we can.

And speaking of all that online stuff, I’m pretty sure Zelda has officially corrupted me. Know how she borderline-stalks those guys she watches on YouTube? Well, she showed me this guy’s channel a few months ago, and… Okay, maybe ‘stalking’ is a strong word. I can’t be the only person who memorized his video schedule, right? And so what if I’m always the first comment? How else is he gonna see it and write back to me?

I don’t even know his name — he’s just “GeekWithAGuitar” to me. But I love his videos. He’s amazing at music, and he has such awesome theories about games and stuff that he throws in at the end of them. And he’s SO funny — we go back and forth in his comment section all the time making dumb jokes to each other…

Oh God, am I gushing?!

Okay, moving on…

Anyway, there’s been some pretty good stuff going on, like my birthday or hanging out with my friends or talking to Mason and GeekWithAGuitar. But there really hasn’t been anything TOO interesting or exciting in my life. No real reason for me to go on some giant rant in my journal or anything…

Until now.

Oh God. Things went from zero to a hundred FAST in the past like, two days. And somehow I’m caught in the middle of all of it (HOW?!)

Okay, let me back up first though.

So… Trent and his friends (or should I say Serenity and her clique?). That’s been… confusing, to say the least. I still don’t get WHY they suddenly wanted to hang out with me. Trent just keeps saying it’s because I ‘seemed so cool’… But I couldn’t help feeling pretty suspicious about it at first.

I mean, I’m not dumb. I’ve seen that old movie, Mean Girls. I know how this story is supposed to go.

But… so far it hasn’t. “Friends” is probably a stretch, but like… They really aren’t that bad. And can I be totally honest? Hanging out with them kind of makes me feel… powerful or something. It’s a really weird feeling. But I like it. And I kinda think I like THEM too.

I never thought I’d have anything in common with Serenity and Natasha… but it turns out they love clothes almost as much as I do. Not designing them or making them, but still. It was really weird but also kinda-almost-sort-of-nice figuring out we had some common ground. Those two really aren’t nearly as bad as I always thought they were.

And Trent and Jace are… Well, gorgeous (duh). Pretty sure Serenity would literally murder me if she ever heard me say that about either of them though (Especially now that… Well, I’m getting there. Hold on). Anyway, they’re not JUST hot either. They’re both really nice, and they ALWAYS crack me up. I’m basically dying laughing every time we sit together.

If you’d told me back in September that I’d end up sitting at lunch with Serenity’s clique like three days a week, I’d say you were out of your freaking mind. But now… It’s crazy, right? Guess you never realize how fast things can change.

I just wish Zelda and my other friends could ‘get it’. They’ve been giving me such a hard time and telling me I’m ‘crazy’ and all this crap every time I go sit with ‘The Plastics’ (as Zelda so lovingly calls them… Nice try. Pretty sure that name’s copyrighted or something, Z). And they’re always on my back about it if I even dare to — insert dramatic gasp here — mention Serenity or Trent’s name or something. The horror!

Ugh. They’ve gotta get over it eventually, right?

At least Serenity and her friends aren’t quite as bad as the others. They don’t ever say anything bad about my other friends, anyway. But they definitely give us these looks sometimes when they see us together. Like the way Mama and Papa look at me when they’re being all lame and judge-y, but don’t wanna say anything about it. But it could be worse, I guess.

Anyway, all this just basically means I’ve been living like, a double life for the past few months.

Some days, I’m the old, normal Ember who hangs out with Cleo and Athena and Zelda, and feels like she could never fit in with the popular crowd.

And then other days, I’m this new (and improved?) Ember who eats with that same popular crowd at lunch and actually kinda likes it.

And now… I guess it might turn into a TRIPLE life (since, y’know, a double one wasn’t bad enough).

It all started yesterday. I could tell the second I saw Serenity in the hallway that something was up. Because first-off, she looked madder and meaner than I’ve seen her in a long, long time.

And second, Jace was nowhere to be found.

Uh-oh.

Yeah, you guessed it — they broke up.

I heard Serenity going on this giant rant to Natasha about how Jace is this no-good scumbag who was checking out other girls and ‘maybe even cheated on her’. She kept saying she was glad she dumped his ass and got rid of him.

But I didn’t buy a single word of it. Jace isn’t like that. Not the Jace I know, anyway. I mean yeah, he’s probably what my ancient grandparents would call a ‘bad boy’ or whatever, but there’s a difference between being ‘bad’ and being BAD.

I KNEW there had to be more to the story, so I decided to ask Jace about it at lunch that day… Which was apparently a huge mistake.

Jace didn’t say much — just that HE was the one who dumped HER (which honestly feels way more believable). I tried asking why, but all he’d say was that he was “sick of it”. Then he changed the subject… And I know exactly why.

Whoops.

Serenity was PISSED. She practically cornered me after school and told me I was a ‘traitor’ for talking to Jace after ‘what he did’ and basically demanded that I never speak to him again.

I was too stunned to really say anything at the time. But like, seriously? Why do I have to ‘pick sides’ or whatever? Why can’t I just keep hanging out with both of them?

I ended up sitting with Cleo and Athena at lunch today, so I wouldn’t have to pick between Jace and Serenity again. I was totally surprised Trent let him sit all by himself again. I thought they were friends?

It was so weird seeing Jace all alone at that table. And it just made me feel even more guilty for caving to Serenity. But I didn’t wanna piss her off or anything… God, I’m a total coward, huh?

I felt so weird about this whole freaking thing all afternoon. And then, since, y’know, things weren’t confusing enough already, Jace texted me a little bit ago. He wants to meet me at the park tomorrow night so we can ‘talk’.

How the heck did this happen?! Two months ago, I barely knew either of them. And now I’m suddenly caught in the middle of their stupid breakup! Why can’t I just keep hanging out with both of them without this turning into some kind of huge freaking deal? Ugh.

Good thing I’m already used to sneaking around the park at night.

But something tells me this is gonna be a lot less fun than it was with Mason.