UPDATE: ARKHAM CITY COLUMN NOW HAS A PART 2!!!!

WHAT THE FUCK VIDEO GAMES?

EVERY TIME HULK THINKS WE’RE GETTING SOMEWHERE, YOU MANAGE TO TAKE ONE COLOSSAL STEP BACK FROM PROVING YOU BELONG AT THE BIG BOY TABLE.

2009’S BATMAN: ARKHAM ASYLUM MAY BE ONE OF THE GREAT GAMES EVER. SERIOUSLY. IT’S FUN, INVENTIVE, COOL, AND HAS BOTH A GREAT COMBAT AND A GREAT STEALTH SYSTEM (USUALLY IT’S ONE OR THE OTHER). THE GAME WOULD EVEN BE STELLAR IF IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH BATMAN. BUT LUCKILY, THE BATMAN STUFF IS GREAT TOO. HULK PARTICULARLY LIKED THAT THE DEPICTION WASN’T SINGULARLY REFERENCING ONE VERSION OF THE BATMAN WORLD AND INSTEAD COMES OFF AS A HYBRID OF THE NOLANVERSE, THE ANIMATED SERIES, THE BURTONVERSE, THE COMICS, AND EVEN TAKES SOME OF THE GOOD PARTS FROM SCHUMACHER’S ORNATE DESIGN SCHEME.

NEEDLESS TO SAY HULK WAS EXCITED ABOUT THE SEQUEL, BATMAN: ARKHAM CITY, WHICH WAS RELEASED LAST NIGHT

BUT AFTER A KIND OF NEAT LITTLE INTRODUCTION (THOUGH NARRATIVE-LY IT MAKES, LIKE, ZERO SENSE. WHY IS THIS BIG STRETCH OF CITY A PRISON? AND WHY IS IT LIKE DYSTOPIAN FUTURE WHERE INMATES JUST ROAM AROUND EXACTLY?) THE TONE OF THE GAME STARTS GOING IN A REALLY WEIRD DIRECTION… SPECIFICALLY WHEN CATWOMAN SHOWS UP… BASICALLY, THINGS GET SUPER-DUPER SEXIST AND NEVER, EVER STOP.

NOW, IT SHOULD BE SAID THAT THIS ISN’T SOME INDICTMENT OF THE SEXUAL FEMME-FATALISM. THAT IS ACTUALLY A BIG PART OF THE CATWOMAN CHARACTER AND ICONGRAPHY. BUT THERE IS A SPECIFIC WAY IN NOT ONLY HOW THE FEMME FATALE WORKS IN STORIES, BUT SPECIFICALLY HOW IT FITS IN THE WHOLE BATMAN THING. CATWOMAN IS MORE MEANT AS A FOIL FOR BATMAN, HIS SENSE OF DARK VENGEANCE GONE HAYWIRE AND MORALITY (EVEN MORE) SKEWED. PLUS SHE VAGUELY SEXUALIZES HIM.

BUT THIS CATWOMAN IS… UM…

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THIS REALLY ISN’T ABOUT OUTFIT. THE OUTFIT REALLY JUST SYMBOLIZING THE SHIT THAT’S WRONG ON THE INSIDE.

TO REITERATE: IN THE FIRST HOUR OF ARKHAM CITY WE HAVE A SCANTILLY CLAD HIGH-HEAL-NINJA-ING CATWOMAN GETTING BEATEN BY TWO-FACE AS HE CALLS HER A BITCH. WE HAVE A GROUP OF MUSCLE-BOUND HOODLUMS ALL STANDING AROUND EXCITED TO DUMP HER INTO A VAT OF ACID. BATMAN COMES TO THE RESCUE AS CATWOMAN ESCAPES. SHE FLIRTS WITH HIM MERCILESSLY AND MAKES NOT JUST DUMB, BUT NOT-FUN SEXY PUNS. BATMAN THEN GOES OUTSIDE AND YOU OVERHEAR A BUNCH OF GUYS TALKING ABOUT HOW CATWOMAN AND AGAIN THE WORD BITCH POPS IN. THEY ALL THINK SHE SWINGS BOTH WAYS (CAUSE THAT’S THE KIND OF THING ANY SEXY GIRL MUST BE UP FOR). AND THEN THEY’RE BASICALLY TALKING ABOUT THEIR MASTURBATORY FANTASIES OF HER… YOU KNOW, ABOUT THE SAME ONE THEY WERE CALLING A BITCH. BATMAN THEN GOES OVER TOWARD THE JOKER’S TOWER AND YOU HOPE ALL THIS SHIT IS OVER BUT THEN YOU OVERHEAR A BUNCH OF THUGS TALKING ABOUT HOW HARLEY QUINN IS A DUMB BITCH.

NOW THIS WAS WHERE HULK LEFT IT THE OTHER NIGHT AND TO BE SURE HULK WASN’T JUST REACTING OUT OF MOMENTARY THINGS HULK CAME BACK AND PLAYED A LOT MORE TO BE FAIR… IT DIDN’T GET ANY BETTER.

ACTUALLY IT GOT WORSE. THE FOLLOWING IS STUFF OVERHEARD BY A WIDE CAST OF CHARACTERS THAT INCLUDES PRETTY MUCH EVERYBODY:

“DON’T COME ANY CLOSER OR THIS BITCH GETS A HOLE WHERE HER HEAD USED TO BE!”

“THAT CRAZY BITCH!” (SAID BY A GOOD GUY)

“SHE SCARES ME. FORTUNATELY I SAW THE CRAZY BITCH LEAVING!”

“YOU DON’T FIND THE BOSSES GIRL ATTRACTIVE DO YOU?” / “IN HERE THEY ALL LOOK GOOD.”

“DID YOU HEAR THE NOISE THAT DOCTOR WAS MAKIN?” / (GIGGLE) “I LIKE HEARING HER SCREAM LIKE THAT”

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT JOKER SEES IN THAT CRAZY BITCH”

CATWOMAN NEEDING MORE GADGETS (AND TALKING TO HERSELF): “I NEED MY TOYS. I’D JUST BE (INSERT MARYLIN MONROE VOICE) NAKED WITH OUT THEM (COO).”

“YEAH THE BOSS HAD THE CAT ALL CHAINED UP BUT THAT BITCH BROKE FREE.”

EVEN BATMAN, THE PARAGON OF GOODNESS ASKS HARLEY TO MOVE AT ONE POINT. WHEN SHE DOESN’T, HE SEEMS TO TAKE EERIE DELIGHT IN MANHANDLING HER AND THROWING HER OVER. NOTHING BUSINESS LIKE, THE EMPHASIS IS SO FUCKING WEIRD. BATMAN LIKED IT.

…

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SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK ARKHAM CITY?

THIS IS NOT OKAY.

DO YOU EVEN, LIKE, GET HOW SEXISM WORKS?

CLEARLY NOT. CAUSE THIS IS THE KIND OF BLATENT SEXISM THAT MOST 2ND WAVE FEMINISM MOVED PAST IN ORDER TO TALK ABOUT MORE SUBTLE THINGS LIKE “PAY SCALES,” AND “THE RIGHT TO GO TO THE SAME COLLEGES AS MEN.”

SO LET’S MAKE IT PRETTY CLEAR: REFRAINING FROM SEXISM DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU CAN’T HAVE CHARACTERS IN REVEALING OUTFITS, OR THAT YOU CAN’T USE THE WORD “BITCH,” OR THAT YOU CAN’T SAY BAD THINGS ABOUT FEMALE CHARACTERS, OR THAT YOU HAVE TO BE SOME PARAGON OF GOODNESS AND PROVIDE G-RATED POSITIVE ROLE MODELS FOR EVERYONE. YOU CAN TOTALLY DO THOSE THINGS. IT’S JUST A MATTER OF HOW YOU PRESENT IT.

SEE THE REAL ISSUE IS NOT THE THINGS THEMSELVES, BUT THE TONE. WHICH MEANS IT’S ABOUT THE CONTEXT. IT’S ABOUT THE PRESENTATION AND THE FEELING. IT’S ABOUT THE REASONS FOR DOING SO AND WHY.

DO YOU SERIOUSLY NOT GET THE BASIC FUCKING DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO?

FINE. LET’S GET AN EXAMPLE UP IN THIS SHIT: STRAW DOGS IS A MOVIE THAT FAMOUSLY DEALS WITH SOME VERY TABOO SEXUAL POLITICS (SPOILERS IF NOT SEEN, BUT GODDAMMIT THE MOVIE’S 30 YEARS OLD) THE FILM HAS A SCENE WHERE THERE IS A RAPE AND HALFWAY THROUGH THE HORRIBLE ORDEAL THE VICTIM SEEMS TO HAVE A MOMENT OF ENJOYMENT. NOW, IF THE EVENT OF THE SCENE IS TAKEN AT FACE VALUE, IT SEEMS LIKE THE MOST SEXIST THING EVER. RIGHT? ONE THAT PROPAGATES SOME OF THE MOST VILE MYTHS ABOUT WOMAN AND SEXUALITY ALONG WITH DISMISSING THE CONSEQUENCES OF A HORRENDOUS ACT?

BUT THAT’S NOT TOTALLY THE CASE. THAT’S BECAUSE THE SITUATION HAS DEEP CONTEXT, BOTH IN TERMS OF PLOT, CHARACTER, AND THEMATIC RESONANCE. FOR ONE, THE VIOLATION SETS UP A LOT OF THINGS TO SAY ABOUT SHAME CULTURE AND MAN’S ATTITUDES TOWARD SEXUALITY. IN FACT, THE WHOLE MOVIE IS MEANT AS A META COMMENTARY ON MALE’S SEXUAL POLITICS, CENTERING AROUND THE ATTITUDE OF THE WOMAN’S HUSBAND, PLAYED DUSTIN HOFFMAN. THE HUSBAND IS AN INTELLECTUAL, NON-CONFRONTATIONAL PERSON. AT FACE VALUE ONE WOULD GUESS THAT THIS IS YET ANOTHER HORRIBLE THING BEING SAID ABOUT THE PAINS A LACK OF MASCULINITY AND WHAT WOMEN WANT, ETC. BUT AGAIN, NOT THE CASE. THE FILM MAKES IT CLEAR THIS IS ABOUT GENDER ROLES. FOR ALL OF THE HUSBAND’S INTELLECTUALISM, HE ACTUALLY HAS A DEEPLY SEXIST AND RIGID ATTITUDE TOWARD TRADITIONAL ROLES FOR HIS WIFE. CONVERSELY HE DOES NOT ACCEPT TRADITIONAL MALE ROLES FOR HIMSELF THUS SHOWING HIS EMPHASIS ON THE DOUBLE STANDARD. MEANING IT IS ABOUT THE HYPOCRITICAL NATURE OF MENT. THE FILM DIRECTLY AND TEXTUALLY ADDRESSES THESE HYPOCRISIES WITHIN THE MAIN CHARACTER ACTING AS A SORT OF “HORROR FILM” FOR THE EMASCULATED MALE PSYCHE. THIS IS ONLY REINFORCED BY THE FACT THAT ONE OF THE RAPISTS IS THE WOMAN’S EX-BOYFRIEND.

BUT NONE OF THIS IS MEANT EXPLOITATIVE SENSE, BUT IN AN EXPLORATIVE SENSE. THE FILM IS ENGAGING THESE QUESTIONS DIRECTLY WITH COMMENTARY ON CHARACTER. SOME MAY ARGUE THE RELATIVE MERITS TO THIS, AND WHETHER OR NOT IT’S WORTH DEPICTING THE HARM AND SUBVERSION OF WOMAN TO STRICTLY ENGAGE HORROR OF THE MALE EGO (HULK CAN COME UP WITH A PRETTY GOOD EVALUATION OF HER JOURNEY TOO) AND THAT’S FINE. ADMITTEDLY, YOU CANNOT WRAP A NEAT BOW ON ALL OF THE SEXISM AT PLAY IN STRAW DOGS.

BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO, IS CAREFULLY EXAMINE THE CONTEXT AND ANALYSIS AND BE TREATED TO A RATHER INTERESTING DISCUSSION OF A MOVIE THAT IS HYPER-AWARE OF WHAT IT IS DOING AND INDULGING INTO SOME VERY BIG GRAY AREAS ON PURPOSE.

… SO WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT OF THIS SHIT IN ARKHAM CITY?

OH WAIT, THERE IS NONE. THERE IS NO FUCKING CONTEXT FOR THE THINGS. THEY ARE JUST PRESENTED AT FACE VALUE WITH ABSOLUTELY NO OTHER REDEEMING VALUE BEYOND TITILLATION AND SEEPING OUT OF THE WRITERS COLLECTIVE ID AS SOME SORT OF AXE TO GRIND WITH WOMEN.

REMEMBER, TONE IS ABOUT YOUR REASONS FOR DOING SO AND WHY.

SO WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE? IT IS THE DUMBEST AND MOST USELESS FORM OF SEXISM IN THE WORLD. IT’S WORSE THAN MERE “FAN SERVICE” WHICH IS USUALLY THE KIND OF THING YOU CAN SHAKE YOUR HEAD AT AND JUST HOPE THERE AREN’T 8 YEAR OLDS PLAYING IT (AND YES THERE TOTALLY ARE). HULK IS GOING TO SAY IT’S DOWNRIGHT PORNOGRAPHIC.

OH DON’T LOOK AT HULK LIKE THAT, HULK KNOWS IT IS MISSING BOTH THE ACTUAL ELEMENT OF REAL-PERSON EXPLOITATION AND THE UTILITARIAN NATURE OF PORNOGRAPHY, BUT WHAT IT IS OFFERING IS NOT STORY-LINE BOUND CONTEXT FOR THE SEXISM MAKING SENSE. AND FUCK IF HULK HAS SEEN PORNOGRAPHY THAT AT LEAST HAS BETTER ATTITUDES TOWARD WOMEN.

”] SERIOUSLY, HAS THE BLATANT SEXISM ON DISPLAY IN ARKHAM CITY ACHIEVED SOME LEVEL OF COMMENTARY? CAN HULK EXPLAIN THE GENDER ROLES? NO. IMAGINE HULK GOING ON WITH IT, “THE PLUNGING V-NECK OF CATWOMAN COUPLE WITH THE NON-STOP VERBAL BERATING OF WOMEN AS BITCHES IS ACTUALLY A BRECHTIAN MECHANISM TO SHOW HOW THE REALITY OF SEXISM IS EVERYWHERE, A NON-STOP ANALYSIS AND OH FOR FUCK SAKE HULK CAN’T GO ON WITH THIS SHIT… UGH. THERE IS NO ARGUMENT TO BE MADE. NONE.

IT’S NOT A “HEIGHTENED WORLD.” THE STUFF ON DISPLAY IN THE WORLD OF GRAND THEFT AUTO SKIRTS AS MORE OF A TOTAL SOCIETAL SATIRE AND IS CAREFUL TO INCLUDE THE BACKWARD NATURE OF THESE SEXUAL POLITICS. IT MAKES SENSE IN THE TONE OF THAT WORLD. BUT HERE? IN A BATMAN SEQUEL WHERE THERE WASN’T ANYTHING LIKE THAT BEFORE? NOT AT ALL.

AND DON’T TRY TO JUSTIFY IT AS SOME “BUT CATWOMAN KICKS SOME OF THOSE GUYS’ ASSES! IT’S FEMINISM!” THING. THOUGH A LOT OF PEOPLE SEEM TO THINK SO, THE WOMAN AS ACTION HERO IS NOT SOME SHORTCUT TO GIRL POWER. SHE’S ENTIRELY VAPID. IT IS THE MOST BASIC OF MALE CONFIGURATIONS TO GET OUT OF THE RESPONSIBILITY AND MORE IMPORTANTLY IT FEEDS RIGHT INTO THEIR MASTURBATE TO / SLAP AROUND LOVE / HATE THING. SO NO WAY.

HULK BET THAT SOME PEOPLE MAY TRY TO DEFEND THIS HORSESHIT DISPOSITION BY SAYING IT’S OKAY BECAUSE THE ONES SAYING IT ARE THE “BAD GUYS.” WHICH ISN’T ACTUALLY TRUE BECAUSE LOTS OF THE SECURITY GUARDS AND A GOOD GUY FROM LAST GAME ALL CHIP IN WITH THE “BITCH” TALK JUST AS MUCH AS EVERYONE ELSE. (2) AND IS THERE ANYTHING ABOUT THE WAY BATMAN OR CATWOMAN RESPOND TO ANY OF THIS THAT MAKES HULK THINK OTHERWISE? IS THERE ANYTHING ABOUT THE WAY IT’S SHOWN TO MAKE HULK THINK IT’S ANYTHING MORE THAN SEXIST FUN MEANT TO ELLICIT A FEW PAINFUL LAUGHS FROM AN AUDIENCE WHO DOESN’T KNOW ANY BETTER?

NOOP.

SO WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?

IT’S SERIOUSLY NO BETTER THAN THIS:

SERIOUSLY… THE FUCK?!?! IT’S NOT LIKE HULK CAN GET AWAY FROM IT EITHER, IT’S AN ALL-OUT ASSAULT ON YOU SENSES. BATMAN PICKS UP ALL THESE CONVERSATIONS AS HE MOVES AROUND HEARING “BITCH, BITCH, BITCH, BITCH” YOU BETTER FUCKING LIKE THAT WORD IF YOU WANT TO TRULY LOVE ARKHAM CITY. LIKE LOVE THAT WORD AND EVERY WORST THING IT MEANS. IT MUST DELIGHT YOU TO YOUR BONES. EITHER THAT OR YOU’RE JUST NOT THINKING ABOUT IT.

BUT HERE’S THE REAL QUESTION OF THE HOUR: IF THE LAST ENTRY ARKHAM ISLAND KNEW HOW TO BLEND THE LINES OF SEXIST STUFF WITH SKIMPY OUTFITS AND SILLY TONE, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY JUST CONCENTRATE ON MAKING AN AGE-APPROPRIATE BATMAN GAME THEN WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THIS ONE?

WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?

HOW DO THESE CHOICES MAKE SENSE? WHAT MAKES THEM VIABLE IN ANY OTHER TERMS BESIDES DEPLORABLE?

NOTHING. THIS IS BASICALLY THE OPPOSITE OF STRAW DOGS.

DON’T SAY “OH THAT’S A MOVIE, BUT THIS IS A GAME” AND THAT THIS SHIT IN VIDEO GAMES DOESN’T MATTER. IT MATTERS AND IT MATTERS MORE EVERY DAY. VIDEO GAMES ARE OFFICIALLY A MEDIUM FOR THE MASSES AND THEY ARE ABOUT 90 YEARS BEHIND ACTUAL SOCIETY. FOR INSTANCE, THIS GUY IS ABSOLUTELY WRONG. SAYING THEY ARE JUST JUVENILE AND “PANDERING TO AN AUDIENCE” IS LIKE GETTING UP IN FRONT OF THE KKK, CALLING FOR THE DEATH OF ALL BLACK PEOPLE, AND THEN JUST SAYING YOU WERE “PANDERING TO AN AUDIENCE.” SO NO DICE. [UPDATE: WHAT HULK HAS WRITTEN HERE CATEGORIZES THE ARTICLE AS SOME KIND OF PROFANE NONSENSE AND THAT NOT THE CASE. IT ACTUALLY RATHER NUANCED AND HULK BASICALLY ONLY DISAGREEING WITH ONE ELEMENT OF THE CATEGORIZATION/LOGIC. SO APOLOGIES TO THE AUTHOR. SINCERELY]

IT IS A BIG DEAL.

IT IS A VERY, VERY BIG DEAL.

WHY?

BECAUSE WHEN HULK WAS BUYING IT IN THE MIDNIGHT LINE THE OTHER NIGHT THERE WERE ABOUT 90 GUYS ALL STANDING AROUND READY TO BUY. AMONG THEM, A FEW RANDOM GIRLS INTERSPERSED WHO RIGHTLY LOVED THE LAST GAME AND ARE NOW GOING TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH A REALLY, REALLY STRANGE TONE. OH SURE, CHANCES ARE THEY’RE USED TO MOST OF THE SEXISM IN VIDEO GAMES, BUT THIS IS A SPECIAL KIND OF ORNAMENTAL. THIS IS STEALTH SEXISM. SOMETHING FAR MORE INSIDIOUS THAN THE NAKED PANDERING OF DUKE NUKEM.

MORE IMPORTANTLY THERE WERE, AT MIDNIGHT MIND YOU, ABOUT THIRTY CHILDREN AGED 9-12 ALL WITH THEIR MOMS. ALL JOYFULLY WALKING OUT WITH THEIR NEW BATMAN GAME ALL WITH A BEVY OF UNSUSPECTING PARENTS AS TO WHAT THEY JUST BOUGHT AND WHAT THE FIRST HOUR WILL UNVEIL.(2)

DON’T THINK FOR A SECOND THIS ISN’T HOW THEY’RE LEARNING MODES OF SOCIALIZATION. HELL, THEIR SEXUALITY IS LITERALLY BEING FORMED AS WE SPEAK. SO HULK ARGUE THIS WEIRD, ADULT AND ALL-TOGETHER SEXIST TURN FOR THE BATMAN GAME IS VERY MUCH UNCALLED FOR.

AND HERE WE GO WITH THE MORALIZING AND GOD HULK REALLY HATES DOING IT, BUT WHOEVER WROTE THIS SHIT IN ARKHAM CITY AND WHOEVER APPROVED IT SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES. SERIOUSLY, HULK SOMEHOW HOPES THIS MESSAGE IF LIFTED UP OVER ROOFTOPS AND INTO THE SKY AND IS HEARD, BECAUSE IT’S NOT OKAY. AND IF THEY’RE NOT ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES, WELL THEN THEY HAVE THEIR OWN ISSUES TO WORK THROUGH. HULK GUESS THEY MIGHT HAVE THIS IDEA THAT PEOPLE WHO COMPLAIN ABOUT SEXISM ARE ALWAYS COLLEGE AGE WOMEN’S STUDIES MAJORS / LESBIANS (THE NON-SEXY KIND OF COURSE!) WHO WILL OBJECT TO THEIR EVERY ACTION AND “HARMLESS” JOKE SOLELY BASED ON THE FACT THAT THEY HAVE PENISES.

AND MAYBE, LIKE ALL THINGS, IT’S A LITTLE MORE GRAY THAN THAT, BUT THE POINT IS THAT THEY DON’T GET IT.

… TOO BAD THE REST OF THE GAME IS FUCKING EXCELLENT.

LIKE SERIOUSLY, IT’S GREAT AND SO MUCH FUN TO PLAY IT ISN’T EVEN FUNNY… WHICH JUST PUTS HULK IN MORE OF A PRECARIOUS POSITION. THE AMAZING PACKAGING DISTRACTS YOU FROM THE HARFMUL CONTENT.

… GODAMMIT VIDEO GAMES.

AND IF YOU WANT HEAR MORE RESPONSES AND COUNTERARGUMENTS PLEASE CHECK OUT PART 2. IF YOU COMMENTED BELOW CHANCES ARE YOUR POINT WAS DISCUSSED.

ENDNOTES!

(1) ALSO THERE IS THIS REALLY WEIRD QUASI-POLITICAL POT-SHOT WHERE A BUNCH OF DOCTORS WONDER WHY THEY WERE ATTACKED BY THE PRISONERS WHEN THEY WERE JUST THERE TO HELP, THEN CALL THEM A BUNCH OF ANIMALS WHO DON’T DESERVE IT.

(2) THIS ISN’T TO IMPLY HULK NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO THINK KIDS SHOULDN’T BE EXPOSED TO SEX OR VIOLENCE. NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST. IT’S JUST THAT CONTEXT MATTERS MORE THAN ACTUAL CONTENT. A KID SEEING BOOBS IN, LIKE, THE GODFATHER OR Y TU MAMA TAMBIEN, IS NOT ONLY FINE BUT SOCIALLY HEALTHY. MOVIES WHICH PROVIDE CONTEXTS FOR THE SEXUALITY AND PEOPLE INVOLVED.