Other 12% deemed ‘miraculously normal-looking’

The image of a pale, slovenly writer hunched over a laptop is surprisingly accurate, a new UCLA study has revealed.

“These people are ugly as sin,” said Dr. Michael Lee, director of UCLA’s sociology department. “Our research shows writers – and screenwriters in particular – have the highest ugly-to-profession ratio we’ve seen since, well, ever. Even Russian sheep herders are more attractive.”

While “ugliness” isn’t easy to quantify, Lee claims a variety of physiological characteristics help them create a matrix with which to accurately judge a writer’s appearance.

“The existence of moles on the forehead, for example,” said Lee. “Weak jaw lines. Love handles. Hair on the back, neck or ears. Another common trait is the condition known as ‘triple-chin.’ And that’s just the women!”

And what of the lucky 12% deemed average or above average in appearance?

“I’m still convinced that number is 9% or less,” said Lee. “Either way, those fortunate few dodged quite a bullet to somehow be able to write and also show their face in public.”

The WGA has filed a complaint with UCLA, claiming the study doesn’t take into account the many wannabe writers, who are generally much more attractive than the successful ones.