I’ll let you in on something: a bar is not my favorite place to meet women.

If you’re looking for more than a quick hookup that night, if you’re looking to find someone you actually connect with and have something in common with, bars and clubs are not be the best place to find that.

But for most of us, going out to bars on the weekends is just another part of being a social person. It’s also an opportunity for us to get out there, gain confidence, practice our communication skills, and just meet a variety of new people.

I’ve been going out to bars and clubs for a long time, all over the world. I’ve been a bartender in a few different countries. I’ve managed bars. If anything, I definitely know the ins and outs of the bar scene.

I don’t have a secret step-by-step code that I’ve cracked, or a miracle system for you to memorize. I can tell you right now that there is no surefire system that you can read and regurgitate, and women will be attracted to you.

There is no method that will really work for you other than the old-fashioned method of of putting yourself in situations where you will gain as much personal experience as you possibly can. And if you commit yourself to it, you will reap the benefits.

So if you want to learn how to meet women at a bar, one thing I do have is a TON of real-world experience and knowledge to share with you that’s going to really help you make sense of the dreaded “Friday night bar scene.”

You can read and prepare all you want, but the fact is that can get very mentally confusing and intimidating once you’re in the bar or club setting. I know what that’s like. And with all the conflicting information and bad advice circulating on the internet, finding your own style and your own path can get downright frustrating.

The bar and club scene is a gathering of the socially constipated.

The minute people walk into a bar, they get this urge to either (a) become completely unfriendly or (b) overcompensate and exaggerate their own personalities.

Friday Happy Hour? Everyone’s having fun and being cordial. Friday night at the restaurants? People are having a good time enjoying their meal and socializing.

Then all of a sudden, once 11 pm hits and the partygoers get dressed up to set foot into a bar or club—BAM! Like clockwork, people get overly tense and feel the need to take on this fake air of coolness.

We step into a bar, but instead of socializing like we came to do, we huddle in our groups and get a stiff, serious face, like we’re completely socially constipated. Or we overcompensate, act really loud, and pretend like we’re having a better time than we actually are.

I call this the “Friday Night Game Face.” Guys and girls, we’re both guilty of this. We have to put our game faces on to each other, because, God forbid anyone catch us off guard not looking ridiculously cool. God forbid we let loose and actually have a good time.

It all stems from our fear of appearing vulnerable to those around us.

Every time I’m out with clients at a bar, I’m inevitably asked what our “strategy” for the night is going to be.

What’s the “strategy” for meeting women in a loud room full of drunk people?

I’ve never had a strategy. What I’ve learned, and what I teach, is to relax into yourself and be just a little bit different than the masses. Do this and you stick out of the crowd.

So how do I act different than everyone else?

It’s actually very easy once you make it second-nature in your everyday life.

When I go out, I’m open and friendly to everyone.

I’m friendly to the women I’m attracted to, the women I’m not attracted to, the men, the couples at the bar, the bartenders, the old drunks hanging out in the corner, you name it.

People notice the way you treat others. When you’re genuinely friendly with everyone in your environment, you’re going to relax and allow yourself to have a good time, and as a result people around you begin to open up to you.

And that in itself makes you different from the rest.

The truth is that we all want to have a good time when we’re out. We all want to let loose and meet new people. We all want to be approached. What’s really going is that most people are afraid to make the first move.

Most people in a bar are afraid of showing that they are vulnerable, and most people are afraid of being judged by others. Everyone’s afraid that if they fail, they’re going to look stupid in front of the crowd.

Our egos get so inflated on Friday nights that it’s suffocating.

Last weekend I went out with two clients to a big college-type bar with loud music and a lot of dancing. Inevitably they asked me what kind of strategy we were going to use, even after I told them that our strategy was called “be friendly and have a good time.” Sometimes the simpler the way, the bigger the push that is required in order to really implement it.

With that I walked over to two girls by the bar and introduced myself. One of the girls mumbled something unintelligible, immediately pulled out her iPhone, and furiously started texting away. I looked at her, looked at her friend with a smile and a wink, and said, “Well, I’ll talk to you guys later.”

I turned to my clients and said, “No worries, that’s the Friday Night Game Face for you. Let’s go find some friendly women.”

Lo and behold, about 30 minutes later, while we were engaged with another group of women, the same two girls ran up to us like they were our best friends and we all had a great time together.

What was that all about?

What really happened here was that these two girls actually wanted to talk to us right at the beginning. They wanted to get to know us, but a lot of people are just not going to be friendly until they know it’s safe to proceed. These two girls just needed someone to show them that there are friendly people who don’t care about the competitive weekend bar attitude and who they can just let loose and have fun around.

A lot of guys will take this kind of behavior as rejection. But it isn’t rejection. It’s simply a way we protect ourselves. If she doesn’t respond, give her space like a gentleman and understand that it’s got nothing to do with you.

Most guys don’t understand that. They’ll walk away upset and let it ruin their night. Or they’ll keep harassing her with questions like an asshole. Either way, she then sees his insecure reaction, and she is definitely not interested.

My guess is that the two girls I talked to went bathroom right after and said, “Hey, that guy who approached us actually seemed really nice. He was confident and he wasn’t pushy. Let’s go back and talk to him!”

What should your weekend bar strategy be?

Your best bet is to go out and start leaving all that “game face” crap behind you. Those days are over starting now.

Don’t make a huge deal about going out on a Friday night. It’s a night out, just like any other. Understand that when people are out, the woman you want to talk to and get to know may look unfriendly, she may look like she doesn’t want to be approached, but it’s really just an act.

Take the initiative and be friendly right from the start. Smile and engage with everyone, and don’t be an asshole to other guys. You’re not in competition for “who’s cooler than who.”

Deep down, you don’t really care about that at all, and you’re just out to meet new people and have a good time with everyone.