Posted on May 1, 2009 in Quotes

What.The.Fuck. I think the seccesionist movement has found their captain, a Mr. Neal Horsley from Georgia, who among other unique life experiences, has spent his life making love to various animals and inanimate objects

No, seriously — Georgia candidate for governor says sex with mules, watermelon behind him:

NH: “Absolutely. I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule.” AC: “I’m not so sure that that is so.” NH: “You didn’t grow up on a farm in Georgia, did you?” AC: “Are you suggesting that everybody who grows up on a farm in Georgia has a mule as a girlfriend?” NH: It has historically been the case. You people are so far removed from the reality… Welcome to domestic life on the farm…”

With the coup de grace:

“You experiment with anything that moves when you are growing up sexually. You’re naive. You know better than that… If it’s warm and it’s damp and it vibrates you might in fact have sex with it.”

Strike that, this just gets worse and more disturbing:

“We’re talking about the mule now?” Yes, he says. The mule. “A small mule?” I ask. “No, a full grown mule,” he says. “She loved me, though.” We both laugh, but I’m still trying to figure out the logistics. How big is this thing? The size of a horse, he says. “All I had to do was give her an ear of corn.” He laughs again. “She was a [prostitute] mule.” “How did you reach?” “I don’t know… I stood on something. The kicker is, as soon as I was done she pissed all over me. It was embarrassing. I never told anyone that before.”

……………………………….

Not only that, but Horsley has had sex with men. He was in the Air Force, it was a cold night, yadda, yadda, yadda, he had sex with him, ahem, the way he did the mule. “It was gross,” he says. Really? He hadn’t described the mule that way. “I’ve [screwed] a watermelon,” he says. And that’s just for starters. He’s had sex with just about everything it’s physically possible to have sex with, and some that isn’t. “How many times have I masturbated in my life?” he asks. Now he’s 65 and orgasm-free for two years (his wife finally divorced him — too much “drama”, she said). “The bottom line is, I never treated it as if it were not a sin.”

Good thing that Mule didn’t get pregnant.

See Also: Humping Horses, Killing Kids-the Righteous Ways of Neal Horsley, Georgia Gubernatorial Candidate Runs On Anti-Abortion Platform, But Mule Gets In The Way, and Pillars of Faith: Neal Horsley, Horse’s Ass in More Ways Than One.

[tags]mule sex, donkey sex, georgia secessionist party, watermelon sex, what the fuck, Neal Horsley, Georgia Creator’s Rights Party, growing up on a farm, bestiality, gay, homosexual, fucking weird, fucking weird things, where the fuck does this guy from and why does he have sex with everything[/tags]