In light of the comments of the church’s PR representative speaking on Radio West, we at fMh are pooling our collective genius together and also putting it to all you readers to help Kate Kelly out, since it sounds like her biggest sin was in just not saying the things she has to say in just the right way. Help us protect the delicate sensibilities of those who have been so offended by her approach by brainstorming a new name for Ordain Women that isn’t quite so distastefully . . . direct.

Here are some of our own suggestions:

If You Would Be So Kind As To Take Some Time From Your Very Important Business And Please Perhaps Consider Asking God If You Might Maybe Have This Whole Gender Exclusion Thing Just A Wee Bit Wrong

(IYWBSKATTSTFYVIBAPPCAGIYMMHTWGETJAWBW)

Whatever You Say Is Totally Fine, I Was Just Wondering If We Could Talk About This Women And Priesthood Issue A Little More, But I Understand If Not

(WYSITFIWJWIWCTATWAPIALMBIUIN)

Excuse Us We Were Just Wondering If Perhaps Maybe It Would Be the Will of The Lord For Us to Have A Little Bit More Say In Matters Spiritual and Temporal Signed A Very Tiny Minority of Women In The Church And We Shall Never Forget Just How Tiny



(EUWWJWIPMIWBTWOTLFUTHALBMSIMSATSAVTMOWITCAWSNFJHT)

I Was Just Noticing That A Surprising Number Of Women Are Leaving The Church And I Wondered If Addressing Some Issues Like Priesthood Would Be Helpful In A Retention Effort, But What Do You Think?

(IWJNTASNOWALTCAIWIASILPWBHIAREBWDYT)

Not To Imply That You Don’t Know What You’re Doing, But Could You Maybe Stop Trying To Tell Me How To Be A Woman Please?



(NTITYDKWYDBCYMSTTTMHTBAWP?)

I Totally Believe In The Priesthood And Also In Continuing Revelation And Also In The Prophet’s Ability To Seek And Know God’s Will For The Church And So I Was Wondering If Maybe The Prophet Could Seek Further Revelation About The Priesthood And See If There’s A Different Way To Do Things That Would Benefit Individual Members And The Church As A Whole That Would Be In Perfect Keeping With How God Wants Things Done

(ITBITPAAICRAAITPATSAKGWFTCASIWWIMTPCSFRATPASITADWTDTTWBIMATCAAWTWBIPKWHGWTD)

We Know That You Are In Charge and We Would NEVER Want To Imply Otherwise But We Had This Thought That Maybe Ordaining Women Would Be A Good Idea But Again We Know It’s Totally Your Decision and We’re Not Trying to Stir The Pot Or Anything Just Asking



(WKTYAICAWWNWTIOBWHTTTMOWWBAGIBAWKITYDAWNTTSTPOAJA)

We Are So Very Humbly Grateful For Every Smidge Of Attention You Can Spare Because We Know You’re So Very Important, And Could You Please Spare A Smidge For This One Single Question We’d Like You To Ask God On Our Behalf If It’s Not Too Much Trouble



(WASVHGFESOAYCSBWKYSVIACYPSASFTOSQWLYTAGOOBIINTMT)

We Know That Sustaining Our Leaders Isn’t A Passive Act And In Fact Requires Engagement And Communication So We Wanted To Tell You About A Problem We See And Tell You That We Have Sincerely Prayed About It And Feel Spiritually Secure In Our Hope For Women’s Ordination To The Priesthood

(WKTSOLIAPAAIFREACSWWTTYAAPWSATYTWHSPAIAFSSIOHFWOTTP)

Sorry To Bother You But I Was Just Wondering If You Might Have A Moment To Discuss Some Frustrations That I And A Few Other Women Have And That Maybe We Could Resolve No You Don’t Well I’m Sorry To Have Interrupted No I Didn’t Mean To Offend Please Forgive Me Just Forget I Said Anything I’ll Get Back To My Centerpieces.

(STBYBIWJWIYMHAMTDSFTIAAFOWHATMWCRNYDWISTHINIDMTOPFMJFISAIGBTMC)

Just Want To Start By Saying That Whatever You Decide Is Fine With Me, But I Was Wondering If We Could Ask For Revelation Regarding Ordination Of Women You Know, Like The Kind Joseph Smith Assured Us Would Be Coming In The 9th Article Of Faith

JWTSBSTWYDIFWMBIWWIWCAFRROOWYKLTKJSAUWBCIT9AOF

It Really Seemed Like You Weren’t Listening At All When We Spoke Softly And Now You Say We’re Too Loud Now That We’re Not Letting You Ignore Us So Maybe You Could Tell Us What Exactly The Perfect Tone And Pitch We Should Speak To You In Is So You Will Actually Talk To Us About What We Have To Say Rather Than Ignoring Us Or Telling Us We Are Saying It Wrong

IRSLYWLAAWWSSANYSWTLNTWNLYIUSMYCTUWETPTAPWSSTYIISYWATTUAWWHTSRTIUOTUWASIW