WASHINGTON—Admiring their mutual indifference toward Gazan civilians and families during the ongoing conflict, sources confirmed Thursday that global political leaders, observers on the ground, and the international community at large agreed that Israel’s and Hamas’ respective disregard for Palestinian life have actually lined up pretty nicely. “The fact that they’re both willing to sacrifice innocent Palestinians is pretty horrifying, but you have to admit it’s impressive just how much their callous, barbaric attitudes toward human life in Gaza match right up,” said one resident, echoing the sentiment of thousands of humanitarian aid workers, international pundits, and local citizens, adding that the Israel Defense Forces and Hamas were really on the same page when it came to rationalizing away the deaths of hundreds of Palestinian residents. “Say what you want about Israel and Hamas, but at the end of the day, at least give them credit for how harmoniously their separate actions came together to create innocent civilian casualties. They might be dead set on one another’s destruction, fine, but you can’t say they don’t make one hell of a complementary team when it comes to Palestinians dying.” Sources admitted they were further struck by Israel’s and Hamas’ effectively identical unwillingness to compromise under any circumstances.

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