LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

Desperate times call for desperate measures.



Climate scientists at the CSIRO may have been personally warned by Prime Minister Scott Morrison to ‘not get any ideas’ but that hasn’t stopped them looking for solutions to global warming.



As school-aged children across the world have been striking from their classes, climate scientists have been afforded access to a treasure trove of knowledge on how to stop global warming.



With articles featuring the striking schoolchildren featured prominently on social media, climate scientists are now pillaging the comment sections looking for real solutions to climate change.



“The people commenting do not agree with the striking children, but boy do they have some ideas of their own,” stated head researcher Dr Karishma Ahuja.



“Dave has suggested they could plant trees, that’s smart. Bruce reckons they need to stop using plastic bottles and get back to class, we didn’t even think of that.”



“One of the options is we do something about homeless people. I don’t get how that will help but Martha from Inverell seems to think it’s a good idea.”



Although many of the commenters have a two-year-old profile picture filter that reads “It’s OK to Vote NO” Dr Ahuja believes these individuals are more than jaded dissenters who allow Bolt or Jones to make their opinion on their behalf.



“You’d think these guys are fools for giving these ideas away for free but really they are just passionate people who understand the urgency of the situation.”



“Aah look, Rochelle reckons temperature change is normal. Haha, why didn’t I learn that at Uni?”