



You knew that climate change could be blamed for any kind of weather, but did you know that the underlying cause is not, in fact, carbon emissions but racism? That was one of about a thousand thrown-together messages put forward by the People’s Climate March, a recent NYC-centered network of rallies in support of something called “climate justice.”

All three words of the event’s title should give you pause: the possessive “people’s” is, so far as I can tell, the most naked signal of Stalinism; “climate””when not being used by your grandparents while attempting to decide between Palm Springs and Pebble Beach”refers to the belief that politicians can control the weather; “march” conjures to mind stinking dreadlocks and half-digested critical theory more than it does soldiers marching in lockstep.

What’s more, it’s usually a good idea to spit on anything with the word “justice” near it; like many other words, it once had a clear, common-sense meaning. But it is now a euphemism for “let’s you and him fight until I come out on top,” a cultural Marxist buzzword that somehow always involves me getting my pocket picked.

“Another sign called for a “nuclear free, carbon free future.” Apparently this protester advocates a return to the lifeless void of the primordial universe.”

The People’s Climate March: it’s about exactly what you think. Those of you with stronger stomachs are urged to dig through social networking sites to witness it with your own eyes. What you”ll find is one of the biggest mishmashes of hodgepodge left organizations ever assembled, many of which have little or no connection with the weather.

Indeed, the opening salvo for the event seemed designed to encourage such a formless, “Down With This Sort of Thing” mass: the march was initially billed as “an invitation to change everything.” I suspect many of the protesters would not be in favor of changing their ability to binge watch episodes of Modern Family on Hulu Plus or gaze endlessly into smartphones produced by Third World slave labor, but that’s just my intuition speaking.

One justice-marcher’s sign read “Boobs Not Bombs.” Presumably, a convergence of forces has finally collapsed upon a Femen-inspired singularity whereby public nudity is now morally equivalent to a carbon offset. Another sign called for a “nuclear free, carbon free future.” Apparently this protester advocates a return to the lifeless void of the primordial universe. This seems in keeping with the general trajectory of leftist thought, which holds nearly every human act to be “problematic””their term for “sinful.” Yet another demanded “full communism.”

The march (or perhaps we should call it a “mosaic mob”) was assembled from the following constituent parts, organized from the front of the march to the back:

“Frontlines of Crisis, Frontlines of Change” was ostensibly for people “most affected.” Those most affected include aboriginal people (and I do hope some of their First World benefactors bought them carbon offsets for their flights) and environmental justice organizations. I suspect the latter group includes a lot of lawyers, who are “most affected,” for sure; the more environmental lawsuits, the higher their tax burden.

“We Can Build the Future” is the “generational” component, which in addition to encompassing student groups and the elderly also somehow includes labor unions.

“We Have Solutions” seems to be a sort of trade convention of the various industries profiting handsomely from environmental chic.

“We Know Who Is Responsible” represents those who have gotten to the very core of this thing called climate injustice. Spoiler alert: It’s “capitalism” and “corporations.”

“The Debate Is Over,” which tellingly yokes the priests of climate science with the priests of churches that are basically not really churches and an interfaith organization of Hindus and Lutherans. I swear, I am not making this up.

“To Change Everything, We Need Everyone,” where all who did not fit above gathered to air their grievances.