6 months ago I wrote an article about the beginnings of a social experiment. I was to record all interactions in Counter-Strike: Global Offensive games to see if people would respond to the fact that I was a woman. I was bright eyed and ready to see what the community of CS:GO was like and how they would treat me because of my gender. I believed myself to be hardened and ready. I was hopeful for the behavior of my fellow gamers. I had heard that CS:GO was an unwelcoming and hateful community in casuals, but I didn’t really have an idea of what to expect.

To date I have 50 gigs of video and sound recordings, including responses from over 200 games of CS:GO. It’s a mix of casual and competitive play, as well as a mix of when I was following the guidelines of the experiment and when I was just playing with friends. The data is not complete and definitely can’t quite be analyzed yet, but in the process of this experience I noted a larger problem at hand.

In my life I have never witnessed the bystander effect more clearly than in games of CS:GO. In a casual match, you have 19 other people in the chat with you. Mob mentality can pick up fast if a group ganged up on me or other players, and oftentimes any person trying to stick up for victims was immediately shot down by the rest. I began to grow afraid to speak back to these people as it often led to further harassment. Once some of these people got started, all I heard was silence from the rest of the group. I felt alone and there were many nights that I’d shut off my camera to cry. To the people who make the point that I can mute other players, what does this solve? Does this help offenders learn how to be respectful in games? Does this better a community? No. This sweeps the problem under the rug until another person is harassed. The lack of response from people when I was vulnerable and under attack is one way I feel that I’ve been failed by my fellow gamers, but not the most disappointing way.

A month into my experiment I received a violent and detailed rape threat from another user in a game. Not only did other people join into this behavior, but not a single person stood up for me in chat. The user detailed sexual situations he’d put me in, detailed beating women and raping children, and noted that he would find me through my IP address. In the day and age where swatting and DDoSing are known happenings, I was frightened. This was not just jokes about being a woman, or jokes about snapchatting pictures of my boobs. These were detailed and scary threats that I had to take seriously. I immediately reported him to Steam, noting that I had recordings, and also sent a private note to Valve regarding this. It took 3 months for me to receive a response. 3 months of me seeing on his account that he was still playing 35–40 hours of games every two weeks. 3 months that he got to enjoy games after spending a night tearing me down and terrorizing me. 3 months that he could have spent terrorizing other players. The response I got? To send a report in through their report systems. I responded quickly, noting that I had reported them but that the level of their threats made me feel that this issue needed escalation. I have yet to hear back from Valve regarding this. He has logged 142 hours in the past 2 weeks.

I’m a paying customer to Steam and Valve. I own over 20 games on steam and have logged hundreds of hours on their servers. I deserve to be heard regarding this and I don’t deserve to be made to feel that my safety is less important than this guy getting to make his micro-transactions on gun skins. The least I deserve is a response from a human, and not from a copy-paste automated machine. The gaming community that runs these servers has failed me and other victims because they don’t listen to reports. They don’t give me the decency of noting that they’ve heard what I have to say. And mostly, they further the belief that the community of CS:GO is uninviting and that if you aren’t willing to take some abuse, then maybe it isn’t the game for you.

I’ve had enough. When I try to record for the experiment now I can no longer remain silent as people call me a cunt, as they discuss the size of my breasts, as they ask me how many dicks I’ve taken in my life. This isn’t all just some big joke that we should laugh off as immature children. We have to stop perpetuating the idea that if you’re behind a screen you’re safe to say whatever you want at the expense of those in the game with you. We need to stop letting these people slide by telling victims they should have muted offenders. We need to put pressure on these companies to take harassment and abuses seriously and have a set of punishments for that. League of Legends has created an excellent chat ban system and suspension system, why is it so hard for CS:GO to implement something similar. If there are no consequences, nothing will ever change.

I know many women gamers who stick to playing only bot matches, or will only play with a full group of friends because they are afraid of other players. You should never enter a game that you enjoy afraid of how others will treat you. We need to stand together and work to make gaming welcoming to everyone.

Now, what can you do?

Post your own stories. Share your experiences. Create safe spaces to discuss the positives and negatives, what works and what doesn’t. Report harassment when it happens. Don’t let muting be the only response to these people. Let Valve know that this cannot be the norm.

You may also write to them at:

PO BOX 1688

Bellevue, WA 98009

4. Most importantly, when you see harassment against someone else stand up for them. Who cares if you’re a ‘white knight’ if you help someone else feel supported and welcome.

If we are united in discussing this topic, we can achieve so much more than if we sit back and remain complacent. Let’s work to create a more inclusive and awesomely fun gaming environment for everyone, and let those who want to threaten or harass others know that we stand together.