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As I write this, the “I really, really wanna testify, but…” goalpost has moved west right past my house and out over the Pacific Ocean. You get the distinct impression that Christine Ford’s handlers are making it up as they go along – “She can’t testify on Monday because, I dunno, she’s afraid of airplanes. Yeah, that’s a thing now.”

The GOP is, as usual, afraid to be seen as insufficiently submissive. We have Chuck Grassley announcing, by tweets that sound like they were composed by a twelve-year-old texting her girlfriends after breaking into mom’s cooking sherry, that he’s ready to roll over yet again. The only way this could get worse is if the crusty Iowan discovered emojis:

“Sorry Brett gotta postpone ur vote until 2021 cuz reasons [Sad Face] [Blue Wave] [Poop].”

No. Hold the vote, confirm Kavanaugh, and then let him set about making the libs sorry they ever pulled this stunt.

I am not alone in my disgust and desire to fight this appalling atrocity. There is a weird disconnect between the elite and normal Americans on the Kavanaugh smear issue and so many others, as I chronicle in my book Militant Normals: How Regular Americans Are Rebelling Against the Elite to Reclaim Our Democracy, which drops next week (Pre-order it right this second so all 288-pages of the kind of liberal and Fredocon abuse you enjoy here at Townhall, but with more swears, will be delivered to you fresh from the furnace on October 2). Within the elite bubble, the Republican gimps are carefully trying to pretend that they should respect this bizarre and uncorroborated tale of convenience by a liberal activist while out in America, Normal people are all, “Nah, I don’t buy it. Confirm him.”

Leave it to our unelite elite to be willingly grifted by this nonsense, and watch them bend over backwards to avoid saying what any Normal person would say – “No.”

“AFTER THREE MONTHS OF PREPARING, I CAN’T POSSIBLY TESTIFY MONDAY.”

“How about we move it from Monday to Wednesday?”

“STOP BULLYING ME!”

"We’re sorry! We want to hear your story.”

“THEN WHERE’S MY PONY?”

“We have a pony for you. He’s a nice pony. His name is Tim.”

“BUT WHERE’S HIS HORN? I ASKED FOR A UNICORN! NOT GIVING ME A UNICORN IS MISOGYNY AT ITS WORST!”

“Okay, instead of Tim, this is Chet the unicorn…”

“STOP SILENCING ME BY TRYING TO HAVE ME TESTIFY!”

This woman’s performance rider has more provisions than Van Halen’s. If she ever does show up – maybe she’s in her Prius scooting across the country as we speak, along with her unicorn – she’ll probably walk out when she discovers the witness table candy bowl contains brown M&Ms.

It doesn’t help that the rules about what does and doesn’t disqualify someone from something seem to be – let me be charitable – in flux.

We keep hearing about how we’re supposed to believe women making accusations without bothering to confirm them, as if the Duke lacrosse team and the UVA frat frauds didn’t happen, and as if every few weeks we don’t see another story of some poor sucker walking out of jail after doing a decade in the stoney lonesome because some chick got buzzed, got busy, then decided to call the cops rather than let her BF find out she was tramping around. But Normals get it. They understand life isn’t the black-and-white, Manichean SJW paradigm where all girls are angels and all boys are monsters. And they wonder why the “Well, some woman said you were bad so you’re ruined” principle – there’s that weasel word again, principle – only seems to apply to Normals and those Normals like.

Let’s review liberalism’s greatest hits, literally. Keith Ellison, right now. Bill Clinton’s chivalrous “Better put some ice on that.” Ted Kennedy’s confirmed kill. Bob Menendez, trolling for jailbait in the Caribbean. Tom Carper allegedly slapping around his wife. Sherrod Brown’s wife said in a filing (I assume it was sworn) that he manhandled her in 1986 – as an adult, and several years more recently than whenever the Kavanaugh thing supposedly happened. Oh, but wait, now the ex-Mrs. Brown is walking it back. So, either Ohio’s Champion of the Chicks beat on her, or she lied about it, which we’re told never ever happens, you misogynist monster for even thinking that. Both possibilities kind of detonate the narrative.

Except they don’t, because the narrative is a lie.

Even if true, should this disqualify Kavanaugh 36 years later, after an indisputably pristine and exemplary life (the total lack of anyone else making this kind of allegation is powerful evidence her accusation is false; Normals know that pervs always re-perv)?

Libs manifestly would not care if it was one of their own, and their double standard is unacceptable. Choose one rule and stick to it. The fact is that such acts only act to bar those who Normals support. Let’s look at yet another Democrat with car trouble, Tex Kennedy. Beto got hammered at 26, drove into traffic, and tried to run from the cops. But that’s okay, apparently. We’re supposed to forgive and forget the undisputed act of an adult who nearly killed people then split. That doesn’t disqualify him from office? Why is that?

What’s the rule? You can slap around your spouse as an adult, and you get a pass? Credible rape claims as an adult, and hail to the chief? Leave a woman to drown, as an adult, a senator, and you’re the Lion of the Senate? Booze it up and hit the gas – as an adult – but who cares?

That seems incongruous. Gosh, what’s the common thread between all these malefactors? Adults, Democrats, up to kill babies. Gee, I’m seeing a pattern. But minor, Republican, not wanting to kill babies – unforgiveable!

“Oh, you can’t do whataboutism!” hiss the Cheese-eating surrendercons. Baloney. Whataboutism is a moral necessity, because it disarms the hypocrisy the left wields like a battle axe by illustrating the undeniable truth. Democrats don’t care if Kavanaugh grabbed that girl, and they don’t really think it should disqualify him if he had. They just don’t want him on the Supreme Court because that will make them lose power. And power is all they care about.

So, if Brett Kavanaugh and his family must be ruined, well, they deserve it for getting in the left’s way. That will teach people to resist them. And your sons, whose lives can be wrecked by a single lie under the new Gillibrand-Hirono Standard, are next.

No. Stop this charade. Vote. Confirm Kavanaugh. And then let us Normals get on with the business of rebelling against the liberal elite.