Written by Sarah Napoli

France, the society of quitters and spitters that litter, is in a rut that we need to get out of. They did not like us when we attacked Iraq for having weapons of mass destruction or helping them free from fascism in World War II. Now France is upset that we ended the infamous and not good Iran Deal involving Obama, Iran, and art supplies. France has teamed up with the “United Kingdom” (soon to be the United Republic of England) and Germany, the land of the Nazis and communist-Democrats living together peacefully. France has long been a nuisance for the American government, and in many ways, they are the alcoholic uncle that can’t use his knees anymore because he can’t afford his free Venezuelan socialized healthcare. Sometimes you just have to cut the fat in international affairs, and France is full of fat people waiting to be cut with a guillotine.

It is now high time to stop involving ourselves in French foreign affairs, not because they end up going to war and losing frequently (until the Iraq War, and that wasn’t without the help of America and leadership of George W. Bush), but because they are antithetical to the American ideas of freedom and liberty. France is known to change governments roughly every twenty years because of the French ideas of spitting, quitting, cigarette smoking and laziness. The president of their pitiful country is a dim-witted bumbling millennial named Emmanuel Macron. Macron is one of the youngest leaders in the world today, beginning his career at age 16 he ran for French Congress because no one in his district wanted to run for Congress. He won easily and worked his way from there. Macron is a former socialist until he saw the light and began reading The Bible and Common Sense by Thomas Paine. Feeling enlightened by American literature, he decided to run for president against a better candidate, Marine Le Pen. Sadly, Le Pen lost after thinking Belgium and the Netherlands were French and Macron became president of France with a dunce cap on his head.

Macron is a weird fusion of Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, and Jeb! Bush. Two of those three men are ugly democrats, and one is a RINO nepotist. Macron was believed to try and “Americanize” France by adding more capitalist values onto his country, but he has instead decided to view his presidency like a Wall Street Democrat. He is a conflicted man with populist ideas and no mouth for action. He is a weak leader, and in many essences, an anti-Trump. In fact, I believe it’s almost been twenty years since France last purged their old government for this one, and France will surely turn into a novelty Western European state dependent on the Euro to breathe, like Portugal and Ancient Greece.

France is a country that is ready to blow (no pun intended) and start anew. The only responsibility the United States of America should have over France is preventing them from being a totalitarian communist state like they were four times in history. It’s like the stock market: France’s stock has peaked and is going to drop worse than Obama’s 2008 financial fiasco. Once England officially brexits, France’s economy will get even worse and they will plead to America and the European Union for assistance. It is our constitutional right to tell France to bugger off (pardon my French) and disassociate any involvement with their actions. When France decides to be more like America again and become a financially independent country that doesn’t rely on the help of others, maybe then will be the time for America to associate with a country so barren with culture. Until then, America does not need France as much as they need America. If France doesn’t want to pull out of the awful Iran Deal, they should pull out of the European Union quickly.

Sarah Napoli is the Women’s Issues (or lack thereof) Correspondent of Bullshit News. Sarah is outside of normal sexual orientation and enjoys young adult fiction novels. Sarah does not want children but considers herself a “dog mom”, taking care of a young poodle (which is really a Schnauzer but don’t tell her that) she named “Eddie”. Sarah does not like coffee or tea, which are foreign inventions created to poison the bright minds of Americans.