steven bomb 5 summarized in the most non-spoilery way possible

Steven’s Dream

1st half: rebellious teenage mode A C T I V A T E D

2nd half: ROAD TRIP TO KOREA

3rd half: i’m blue daba dee bada die

Adventures In Light Distortion

1st half: alright peridot thanks for the semi-useful information now go fuck off for the next 20 episodes

2nd half: family guy

3rd half: MAXIMUM S P E E D I N C R E A S E

Gem Heist

1st half: “play it straight” “harold we’re lesbians”

2nd half: Kasane Teto guides our heroes around a Space PlaceTM and says some racist things about humans

3rd half: YOU shall be A S S I M I L A T E D into the U T O P I A

The Zoo

1st half: siri guides utopian residents through daily routine

2nd half: everybody’s gay for greg

3rd half: therapyst

That Will Be All

1st half: purple family reunion

2nd half: (elsa voice) conceal…don’t feel

3rd half: Kasane Teto gets her ass roasted into oblivion