So I just found this tweet that I made on January 2nd of this year…



As it states, it is odd for me to be sad when the holidays end. I have always enjoyed the holidays for the most part but having social anxiety and generally fighting depression throughout the winter months, spring time is always an incredibly welcome time for me.

I actually remember writing this tweet and I remember how sad I really felt. I was sitting in my living room looking around at the Christmas decor and sad to know that it was time to take it down. That may not seem weird to most but for me it is incredibly out of character. And now looking back.. I wonder…

Did something inside of me sense that this room would be the last place I ever saw my mother alive? Did I somehow know that the next day would be the last birthday my mother ever celebrated? Did I know that just 47 days later she would be gone from this world forever?

It feels like somehow my heart knew and was desperate to hang on to this particular winter even though I don’t generally enjoy winters because that particular upcoming spring would be the hardest season of my entire life. I know it might sound crazy but it feels like a part of me knew.

Is it just that hindsight is 20/20??

Or is there something more there? Does the world.. or God.. or the deep almost spiritually bond that we have with certain people warn us of upcoming danger??

I think it might. I think there is something there that helps to cushion the blow somehow, that helps to break the impending fall even if just a fraction. Something that tries desperately to warn us in one way or another.

I could be crazy.. or I could be on to something. I’ll let you know when I figure out which it is…