A conservation charity has condemned the growing practice of releasing butterflies at weddings because it risks spreading disease and genetic weakness in the butterfly population, due to the use of non-native species. Also because it’s horrid getting a big papery insect in your mouth when you’re eating cake and because weddings are so long and boring anyway. Why can’t people just say their vows, eat their stupid meal and bog off on their awful once-in-a-lifetime honeymoon where they’ll probably get murdered after taking a wrong turn in São Paulo and end up all over the newspapers, depressing the hell out of us?

Actually, it was only the first thing. The “mean to butterflies” business. And I endorse the conservationists’ rage wholeheartedly. Idiot couples shell out