How To Make Wrestlemania XXX Immortal

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“Let me tell you something brother . . . This is Wrestlemania 30 . . . The showcase of immortals . . . The place where men become legends . . . And if you thought The Informer was going to skip out on previewing the biggest event in the history of the WWE, then you got another thing coming to you.

With that in mind, let me ask you something: Watch-ya gonna do when The Informer and his millions of imaginary “Informer maniacs” take over this Wrestlemania preview and run wild on you . . . BROTHER!!!”

If you couldn’t tell from the opening “Hulk Hogan-style” wrestling promo, The Informer is freaking excited because we are only days away from Wrestlemania.

Now for the sake of the article, from this point forward The Informer is going to make an educated assumption that you the reader have some kind of understanding to what is happening in the WWE these days. Of course, since we are now all on the same page, The Informer is not going to spend ample time on the here, now and why of the WWE storylines.

Instead, The Informer is going to dive into the booking aspect of Wrestlemania by laying out a few ideas he thinks would help the showcase of showcases become even more spectacular.

So without further Sabu, here are The Informer’s five ideas that would help make Wrestlemania XXX immortal.

5. The Big Show wins the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

The Informer can’t think of a better way to honor Andre the Giant than by having another Giant (The Big Show) win the Memorial Battle Royal while illustrating the awesomeness of over sized giant men who combine their massive size and power with single-strapped black wrestling uniforms.



Honestly, this is a no-brainer even the WWE couldn’t screw up.

4. John Cena beats Bray Wyatt

The Informer thinks John Cena should beat Bray Wyatt, but in a “Brett Hart beat Stone Cold Steve Austin” kind of way.

You know, where the two guys steal the show by putting on a terrific match that ends with Wyatt losing by submission because he passes out (he does not “tap” out) while being held in the STFU for 10 minutes.

This way the crowd gets the good guy win (a Mania staple) while the bad guy – who is an up and comer – gets the respect deserved for putting on a great match while showing his toughness and resolve.

3. Triple H should beat Daniel Bryan

Do you understand how much heat this would bring onto Triple H? The man who is known for burying the little guy throughout his career goes out and does just that –he buries Daniel Bryan.

Can you imagine the riot this would cause on Bourbon Street? It would be epic. Triple H the ultimate heel, making the ultimate heel move by holding down the fan favorite.

“Informer what in the blue hell are you talking about? You want Bryan to lose and get buried at Wrestlemania? Weren’t you the biggest advocate saying the “Bearded Goat” has two win the belt this weekend? What is with the change of heart? Are you one of those fans Triple H was talking about on Raw last week when he said the people will turn on Bryan as soon as he gets his title shot?”

Listen, The Informer never said anything about Bryan not winning the title at Mania. All he said was Triple H needs to win the first match, via cheating, to make it appear like Bryan is not winning the championship.

Here is exactly how the Bryan-HHH match will play out.



First the New Age Outlaws will come out and interfere in this match, obviously taking out Bryan. But, right before Triple H gets the win his old buddy Shawn Michaels — who used to train Bryan — runs to the ring to help our bearded hero.

(The Informer note – It is important that Michaels tries to help Bryan, because it would be HBK’s way of saying sorry after he screwed Bryan over at the Hell in a Cell match in October.)

After Michaels “super-kicks” the Outlaws to hell, Triple H will yell at Shawn asking him what the hell he is doing. Michaels will look at his buddy and say “I’m sorry, I love you” (like he did before he retired Ric Flair at Wrestlemania 24) before knocking Hunter out with some sweet chin music from hell.

Unfortunately, right as HBK connects with Trips’ huge nose the referee (who had been knocked out by accident, wink-wink) miraculously wakes up from his coma to see that Michaels had interfered in the match. Thus, as a result of a disqualification, the winner of the bout is Triple H.

This will be the point of the show where Michael Cole will try to calm the situation with a promo for the new WWE Network, but it won’t work. The damage will have been done. Triple H will have officially squashed the “Yes Movement”.

Then, well then this will happen . . .



2. Triple H defeats Batista and Randy Orton to become the WWE World Heavyweight Champion

“Informer how in the hell does this make anything better? For the love of Jake the Snake Roberts, no one wants to endure another Triple H championship run. This is the worst Wrestlemania ever.”

Calm down figment of my imagination, The Informer has a plan. And for the plan to come to work Triple H has to be the champion so that this can happen . . .

1. Hulk Hogan saves the day with the help of a “Rattlesnake”



So at this point no one is really sure what Hulk Hogan’s “hosting” duties at Wrestlemania are going to consist of. Is he just going to open the show, introduce the battle royal and then leave town with a check in his hand?

Or is he going to insert himself into the main event the way Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson did three years ago at Wrestlemania 27?

Obviously, The Informer is rooting for the second option.

In fact, here is how it would play out:

After Triple H finishes celebrating his victory over Randy Orton and Batista by spitting water all over the fans; he will announce to everyone in the stadium that “Wrestlemania is over and the ‘Yes Movement’ is dead.”

“Trips” will then proceed to drop the mike like an up and coming rapper before he and Stephanie start walking up the ramp while flipping off the stunned crowd.



Here is where the fun part happens.

Just as people start throwing their empty $8 John Cena souvenir cups into the ring, the 75,000 in attendance will hear the magical words from the song I’m a Real American blare into the stadium.



As the boos turn into cheers, Hulk Hogan will burst through the curtain ready to save the day just like he did 21 years ago at Wrestlemania IV (When Hogan defeated Yokozuna after Yoko cheated to beat Brett Hart).

Unfortunately, Hogan is allegedly too old to demand an impromptu championship match between him and Hunter, but he is not too old to let Triple H know that even though the referee was knocked out and didn’t see it, the Hulkster saw the New Age Outlaws cheat in his match with Daniel Bryan . . . BROTHER!!!

And by “Tebow”, Hogan is not going to let Wrestlemania XXX end in controversy; therefore by the powers invested in him by Vince McMahon and the millions of “Hulkamanics” he is ordering a match between Bryan and the new WWE World Heavyweight Champion Triple H.



After the announcement; a still semi-stunned HHH will will refuse to get back into the ring under the assumption that he is the COO, not Hogan, and that Hogan has no power to make a match. Triple H will then tell Hogan that the only way he will get into the ring is if Hogan physically makes him get into the ring.



Triple H will then start walking towards Hogan, obviously ready to fight the legend, when all of the sudden the glass breaks and a bald man name Stone Cold Steve Austin appears from out of nowhere to have Hogan’s back (Keep in mind that Austin has been confirmed for Wrestlemania 30 so this could happen).

Austin then grabs the mike and tells Triple H that he has two choices, “get into the ring and have the damn match, or get his a** whooped; and that’s the bottom line cause Stone Cold said so.”

The always defiant Triple H does not listen to Austin though, instead he gives his answer with the use of two middle fingers. Stone Cold is now visibly upset but he shakes his head and says to Hunter, “If that is how you want to play it, then maybe my little friend will change your mind?’

Just then a hooded man jumps out of the crowd and hits Hunter from behind with an overhead “double ax-handle” from hell — Macho Man Randy Savage style — knocking Triple H right into a “Stone Cold Stunner” from hell that leaves the WWE Champion motionless on the ground.

With “Trips” knocked out the mysterious intruder takes off his hood revealing that he is the one and only CM Punk. As the crowd goes nuts, Punk and Austin team up to throw the COO of the WWE back into the ring.

Once Hunter is back in the ring, Hogan calls for the bell followed by Bryan flying out of nowhere hitting the “goat head-butt” from hell before making the cover for the 1, 2, and 3.

As we go off the air; the camera shows a shot of Bryan, Austin, Hogan and Punk all celebrating as Michael Cole tells us there are only three words to describe what just happened:



“YES!!! YES!!! YES!!!”

It really goes without saying, but The Informer is going to say it anyways; the thought of 75,000 fans being led in a “Yes” chant by Hogan, Punk, Austin and Bryan would definitely make Wrestlemania XXX Immortal.



(P.S. – If Daniel Bryan does not win the championship on Sunday, The Informer swears to the Ultimate Warrior he will riot.)