It should be said at the outset that cleanliness in terms of Twin hygiene and exposure to germs is of the utmost importance to this company. For example, the following guidelines are firmly established and barely merit repeating:

1. All guests, family or otherwise, must sanitize their hands prior to holding a Twin.

2. If a pacifier or bottle touches the ground it must be duly sanitized prior to reinsertion into a Twin's mouth.

3. All dirty diapers must be removed in a reasonable amount of time, the downstairs bits of the Twin must be wiped clean, and a clean diaper must be secured to the Twin.

However, this strict approach to sanitation does not extend to staffers within the company. Consider this Hygiene Hypothetical: If a person sneezed on a Twin, the area would need to be sanitized and the offender shamed. Conversely if a Twin sneezed onto another person, let's say into the yawning mouth of a staffer, a few solid gulps of beer would be sufficient to remedy the problem.

Twin hygiene extends to their food supply. All breast milk not immediately consumed must be:

1. Refrigerated.

2. Reheated in warm water.

3. All milk containers must be thoroughly cleaned after each use.

Again, staffers need not observe such caution. If a staffer is running low on energy and finds that some coffee is left in a pot that was brewed anytime in the previous 36 hours, it should be considered safe to consume, poured over ice, and guzzled with authority*.

While Twin sanitation is placed at a premium, there are areas, particularly between the hours of 1:00 am and 6:00 am, where flexibility can be found.

A spit-up in the crib requires a Twin to have their face wiped, and the milk/mucus mini-vomit to be blotted with paper towels. The Twin can then be put back in the crib without changing the sheets, so long as a dry spot can be found.

This rule does NOT apply to any emissions from "the business end" of a Twin, which require sheet changes at all hours regardless of emission volume or location.

Please keep these guidelines in mind the next time you are confronted with a sanitation situation.

* We here at Twincorporated consider ourselves coffee enthusiasts and are happy to share this recipe for a little pick me up late in the day.

1. Check for old coffee. (If no coffee is found, omit steps 2 & 3)

2. Pour coffee in glass over ice.

3. Cream and sugar to taste.

4. Pour a shot of bourbon into glass.

5. Drink.