Parents can no longer hide the messy realities of the work-family juggle. Chad Verly, a creative director in Evanston, Ill., and a father of three, ages 2, 7 and 9, is now working from his bedroom closet. “My co-workers keep asking me things like, ‘Have you seen Tiger King?’ and I just want to yell: ‘Are you kidding me? Who has time to sit around and watch TV?’”

Life at his household is more like this: He was recently doing the breakfast dishes, halfway out of his exercise clothes, while trying to help his wife and second grader with online learning software, when his boss called. “So I end up taking a work call in my closet in my underwear,” he said. “Three minutes later, my daughter wanders in needing a diaper change.”

Parenting happens at all hours

The American workplace has increasingly expected what social scientists call undivided loyalty. People who work long hours are paid disproportionately more. Employers expect workers to be available on-demand.

This has never been compatible with parenthood. It is a major reason that women stall in pay and promotions once they become mothers. Fathers earn more, because employers assume they’ll be more loyal with a family to support — unless they use benefits like parental leave or flexible schedules, too.

When researchers sent fake résumés to employers, identical except for a line about being a member of the parent-teacher association, women presumed to be mothers were called back less often. When workers asked for flexibility for family reasons, they were penalized, research found — yet those who hid that they were spending family time were not.