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Admit it: you’re hooked on a scary, creepy substance and you can’t get off it. It’s not dope, liquor or heroin — it’s a far more common addiction.

You’re a Trump news addict and you’re powerless to resist it, whenever it calls or tweets.

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You mainline Trump with your toast and tea, while your phone chirps hourly with the latest updates and uproars. You don’t read novels anymore because they can’t keep up with the White House’s page-turning plots.

You keep promising yourself to cut off Trump, but it’s like seeing a car accident — you can’t look away.

Has he locked up more kids, told Congress “You’re fired!”, insulted any races, trash-talked more countries, endangered more endangered species, or ordered the Canada Goose to “go back where you came from”?

Has he hinted that the Clintons conspired to murder anyone else, apart from Jeffrey Epstein — like JFK, or Abraham Lincoln?

Is it true he just tried to buy Greenland as U.S. media report, probably because it’s melting and could soon make for great golf courses? You don’t know whether to laugh or cry.