Good [Insert appropriate time of day], CHG people! It’s your favourite stats-obsessed robotic Pope, here to start narrating what’s happened over the past 20 turns. Off the bat, we see that Poor Frodo in Eire is probably screwed, with his island basically being occupied by Visigoths. Press F to pay respects.



As we move to this sandy corner of the middle east, we see Sultan Hazza bin Ghassan, otherwise known as JMangelo, and his 36 unit strong carpet. With more melee units than the entire Persian army, and practically no resistance in his path, can the Ghassanids gank the Lakhmids?





Moving north a bit, we see the front lines between the Eastern Romans, and the Persians. While the Persians have lost Melitene, they have Edessa surrounded. Anyhow, #PulverizePersians, #CookCardboard, #EviscerateEmerald, etc.





As we move to the more chaotic centre of Western Europe, we see the Western Romans one step closer to annexing the Burgundians, and one step closer to a more secure border, #BooBurgundy and all that. In addition, we see Supe invading the Franks. Smh Klo, you knew the invasion was coming, and you didn’t put your fresh troops anywhere you could actually, you know, stop Soup. Also note Superior Soupy Great Wall.





REEEEE REEEE THESE REBELS DO NOT BELONG HERE REEEEEEE #TerminateTom #VaporizeVandals





Onward to Britain, we notice that Taqn has the life expectancy of a snowball in a furnace. Nice knowing you, Taqn.





G R E A T W A L L O F S O I S S O N S





Note the Suebic rebellions. It seems the various people the Visigoths conquered are rather unhappy about it.





Welcome to Carthage, home of the newly-founded Cul Du Cossack, and several delicious looking luxuries near Hippo Regius.





All that’s left of Burgundy now is Lugdunum, as the rest has all fallen to the Western Roman advance. ROMA INVICTA!





Here, we see the new Alan city of Znaur Znaur, as well as the Gothic takeover of Sirmium. Lucky’s troops don’t look so lucky.





Visit beautiful Greece, home to a beautiful countryside and a distinct lack of units. Vanne, take us to the battlefield, please.





Much thanks, Vanne. Here, we see the Eastern Romans and Persians going at it. The Persians look set to take Edessa, but who knows what’ll happen?



Gamerunner Note: You can also see the Armenians™ in this screenshot.

Just a reminder to anyone who forgot that the Ghassanids’ massive carpet of doom™ is still very much present.



As we can see, Egypt is filled with dirty heretics. Remove tbh.





Anyone want to play a game of “count the land melee unit”? I see five on this slide, although four of those are on the front lines.





Here, we see that Ethiopia’s settled another city, and so has Egypt. Very nice, very nice, can we go somewhere more relevant now?





Ah, there we go. As the first turn begins, the Visigoths… decide that rather than taking any cities, they’ll take some potshots at a few swordsmen and leave. Meanwhile, Klo the Klo advances on the last bastion of Hypertension.





R E M O V E

B A R B A R I A N S



ROMA INVICTA





Persians on the general retreat. As we can see, cardboard cutouts can’t fight worth a damn.





As the war begins, Supe proceeds to… sit there? Aside from moving some boats, it looks like the Franks are taking the offensive.





Lucky has been reduced to their last bastion, with nothing but a small army and a large amount of relatively useless Great People.





Press F to pay respects for Taqn.







The Suebic rebels seem to have caused a great deal of damage. A third of Iberia seems to be on fire.





Ghassanid armies gonna take Hira.





Visigoths on the general retreat from Ireland… What the hell? Anyway, Soissons AI seems to have stalemated.





Hira has fallen! Glory to the Ghassanids!





The last Armenian soldier stands alone, among the pillaged wasteland of his home. He will die soon, with few to remember his struggle.





Western Rome advanced on Lugdunum. Roma Invicta!





The Visigothic armies seem to have all died to a city state. This is beyond embarrassing.





Oh shit Ghassanids going to take Hatta too. Looks like Persia messed with the wrong CS.





Ballista spam only works if the troops advance. However, Soissons is acting like the Franks are the ones with the Great Wall.





Oh shit the madlads are going to take Hatta. Ghassanid sea power when?





Not only did Persia lose a city to a city state, but they also lost two luxuries along with that city.





The Visigoths are starting to move into Soissons, perhaps in an effort to invade the Franks by land?





Oh shit it’s the Spanish Armada 2.0





You know what would be really funny? If the Visigoths took a city in Northern Germany or Britain.





Superior ERE armies advance to Ctesiphon, while inferior Persians get rekt.





FALL FALL FALL





Ghassanid troops advance on Ctesiphon circa 500 AD, colourized.



Will the Western Roman Empire finally take Lugdunum?





Oh shit Soup going in for the kill. Is he going to take it?





AT LAST! Press F for Burgundy.





RIP Carpet of Doom, but hello Glorious Ghassanid Empire.





Oh shit Soup going to do this.





No fucking way. No way is that Visigothic trireme going to snipe.



Wait one goddamn moment, why are Soup’s troops back outside Frankish borders?

Well, for the uninformed, the Visigoths flipped Bononia, ejecting the Soissons troops. Then the Franks retook the city. Smh snipers.





Alright, so we’re done with the main stuff, it’s just overviews now. This is /u/Andy0132, signing out.

