So Negative

I swear, here lately I can't get away from the negativity in this world. Someone everywhere has something to say, or what have you that is just not uplifting. I try to stay positive but, it is near impossible here lately. I can barely find the good in anyone. No matter what I do or say, it's wrong or met by some stupid comment that is just negative.

Yes, I know it could be the depression and anxiety rearing their ugly heads, but something just feels different this time. No matter what, its like something happens that just makes everything worse. I'm so tired of never been able to be true to myself and others.

I was told I could always come to this person to talk about my mental problems. I needed off work and I ended up getting punished for wanting to take the day off for a mental health day. I was going to need a note from my doctor saying I wasn't coco for Cocopuffs before going back to work. I wasn't wanting to hurt myself or others, but I just needed a day to say fuck it all and feel all the feelings that are inside. I'm worried now that they are going to be bottled up until I explode on someone who has done nothing wrong to me.

Right now, I feel so empty inside. I have no clue why. I want to sleep but can't. I want to get up and move around but have no willpower. I want to do all these things, but its just like what's the point? It feels like even if I do anything, something or someone will come along and ruin it or make me feel terrible about myself.

I need to be the strong one right now, but I can't. I can barely lift my head up. I don't even really feel like breathing. But I'll keep on going for the ones I love. I just wish someone was on my side like I have been their for them. It seems everything here lately is one sided. I help them and they leave me to be thrown under the bus.

I hope this trend ends. I'm sure it will someday, but it sure as hell doesn't feel like it.