In a move that stunned the Georgia Tech community, agents from the Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) conducted a raid on the house of the Zeta Tau Alpha sorority (whose members are commonly known as Zetas) after mistaking them for the Mexican drug cartel of the same name.

Sisters were awoken at 3:47 am on Saturday morning by the sound of a battering ram crashing through their front door. Sleepy confusion turned to horror as flash bangs and smoke grenades were thrown into the main foyer, completely ruining the decoupage. 15 heavily armed DEA agents swarmed the property while snipers set up camp on the roof of Phi Kappa Theta’s house across the street. Cries of dismay echoed throughout the house as Lilly Pulitzer Lee Jofa 2015 Fall Collection furniture was destroyed and Michael Kors handbags ripped open as the agents searched for the roughly $260 million of cocaine that they had been tipped off about. Other than the boxes of chardonnay and jars of cookie butter, which Brittney swears is totes her “drug of choice”, the agents found nothing incriminating.

Meanwhile, at a clandestine location in Nuevo Laredo, Mexico, the leader of Los Zetas, Omar Trevino Morales, expressed his relief at the mix-up during a skype conversation with a Crouton reporter: “Honestly, cabron, this would have been the worst night for us to get raided because we were in the middle of our annual spring mixer with the Sinaloa Cartel last night. It was “Under the Sea”-themed and I had on a new swimsuit that leaves very little room for imagination, much less a hidden AK-47 to fend off the DEA.”

Latest reports are that Zeta (the group of sorority girls, not the violent cartel) are suing the DEA for $50,000 of damages which will cover the broken furniture, ripped handbags, psychological trauma and the $50 face mask of the house’s president that was ruined when she got clotheslined by a particularly enthusiastic agent.

Disclaimer: This article is a work of satire. None of the events described below occurred in real life. None of the opinions expressed reflect those of Georgia Tech. There is no malice meant in the writing of this article and it's sole purpose is comedic effect.



