NEW YORK—Causing hundreds of thousands of television sets to go black and silent across the nation, Food Network reportedly went off the air Tuesday evening after exhausting every possible combination of ingredients. “Unfortunately, after 24 years, our on-air personalities have combined every conceivable assortment of food products that exist, and therefore we’re left with no choice but to shut down our broadcast operations,” said Food Network spokesperson Deirdre O’Hearn, who confirmed that upon the addition of a coconut-flake dusting to a panko-crusted shrimp balls appetizer on Tuesday night’s episode of Chopped, the very last permutation of meats, vegetables, fruits, spices, grains, nuts, legumes, and dairy products known to humankind had been completed and televised to viewers. “Following a careful review of all the meals we made in our network’s history, we determined that this was indeed the final recipe iteration that had yet to be prepared. We briefly thought there might have been some dishes we hadn’t added marjoram to yet, but it turns out we were wrong, so we’re closing our studio effective immediately. Thanks for watching.” At press time, Food Network executives were reportedly pondering a return to air after a new species of edible fungus was discovered on a remote Sumatran mountainside.

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