How to Practice Self-Love When You Hate Your Fucking Guts

Four things you can do in under ten minutes

1. Acknowledge that you do not have to love yourself to give yourself love

It’s okay. It’s okay if you have stuff you haven’t worked out. It’s okay if you can’t forgive yourself. If you feel like the only thing you deserve, deep down, is to be hit by a bus then we should be bffs. You’re not alone and these feelings aren’t uncommon.

We need to turn around the imagery and narrative regarding self-love. You don’t have to be this fully realized and happy human to practice it and the sooner you realize this, the sooner you can begin caring for yourself.

“Real love doesn’t meet you at your best. It meets you in your mess.” — J.S Park

Self-love isn’t waking up to sunshine as the “Winnie the Pooh” theme song plays while some hot person greets you in bed with tea you made using fresh herbs from the Farmer’s Market (goals, though). It could be, sure! But self-love can also be waking up at night from the crushing weight of everything you are and don’t want to be and stopping to ask yourself “What do I need in this moment to get through this night?” It could be opening a window or just rubbing your own shoulders with some lotion. It doesn’t have to resemble the “self-love” images you see on instagram. Just check in. Self-love is parenting yourself: acknowledging the little child inside of you and asking “What do you need right now?” You don’t have to love yourself.

2. Breathe

God, I hate when people tell me to breathe or meditate when I’m having an emotional collapse but yeah, I’m gonna suggest it too. You’ve gotta breathe.

If you’ve never tried meditation, it’s time to try! If you have done it, welcome back!

So, after you’ve acknowledged step one, let’s try this next step that will take only three minutes:

Seat yourself in a comfortable position and close your eyes.

Take seven inhales through the nose and out through the nose.

Then seven inhales through the nose and out through the mouth.

And finally, seven inhales through the mouth and out through the mouth.

This can work wonders. It’s quick and straightforward. You can do it almost anywhere: in your car, in bed, in an elevator, a cab, a restroom, on the bus, etc. Memorize this easy little exercise and take it with you as a secret weapon against all the muddiness that can manifest in your mind.

3. Drink a full glass of water

I’m stating the obvious but not everyone enjoys doing the obvious. We’re always looking for some secret trick that all these healthy assholes are keeping from us but they’re honestly just drinking water and doing the things they’re suggesting you do. There’s no secret. Water flushes your toxins, hydrates you, and helps keep your mind clear.

Drink a full glass of water right now and boom! You’ve just given yourself a little love.

4. Ask Yourself “Is this true?”

When was the last time you called yourself out for your self-harming beliefs? When you think or say “I’m such a piece of shit,” do you ever counter by asking “is this true?”. Start doing this. Do it right now. Think of something negative you believe about yourself and honestly ask if it’s true.

If some stranger at a restaurant came up to you and said you weren’t talented or worth anyone’s time, would you nod your head in agreement or ask them “Who the fuck are you?” It’s likely the latter. So begin practicing this with yourself. Who the fuck are you to say you don’t deserve love? Or that you’re ugly? Or that you can’t design your own cereal brand? Call yourself out! Question these things! Be skeptical of your negative thoughts.

If you open yourself up to some cross-examination you’ll be able to diminish a lot of the hurt you’ve been allowing into your life. That is practicing self-love.