Twas the day before Christmas, and in bad weather,

Not a real player was stirring, not even Tretter,

Their chinstraps buckled to their helmets with care,

In hopes that Hue would soon no longer be there.

The Haslams were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of fed cases danced in their heads,

And Peppers in his arm sleeve, and I in my cap,

Had just settled down for an offseason’s nap.

When out on the field there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my couch to see what was the matter,

Away to the TV I flew just like Flash,

Tore off my jersey, my remote I did smash.

Will the Browns really go winless this season?

An embarrassing year, Hue Jackson’s the reason,

When what to my wondering eyes did appear,

But John Fox and the Bears, their first win may be here!

With a terrible head coach, brazen and clueless,

I knew long ago the Browns must be Hue-less,

More rapid than John Ross, his pressers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name,

“Now, GRIFFIN! Now, KESSLER! Now, MCCOWN AND OSWEILER!”

“On, KIZER! On, HOGAN! AGAIN KIZER AND KESSLER!”

To the top of the draft! Why didn’t Mahomes fall?

Picks for AJ McCarron? Why, I’d trade them all!

The first key to victory will be stopping the run,

But even if they win, Hue needs to be done,

Make them play through the rookie, Mitchell Trubisky,

Pressure him often and his throws will be risky!

By taking away the run, you’ll force them to throw,

His wideouts are bad, he’ll have nowhere to go,

Create turnovers, dampen the home crowd’s spirit,

If Hue coaches the Browns home opener next year, none will be there to cheer it!

Cancel your season tickets if they don’t beat the Bears,

Win the turnover battle, Deshone Kizer take care!

Beware of the crosswinds, keep the throws safe and short,

I still don’t know why Hue has Haslam’s support.

The ball will be slippery, they must avoid fumbling,

Thirty games into his tenure, Hue is still bumbling,

Their O is bad, give them not good field position,

Make them drive a long ways, in winter conditions!

They must run the ball well to win their first game,

Crowell needs more carries, but Hue has no shame,

In neutral game script, their run ratio first ranks,

If they keep the game close, they can play to their strengths!

The Browns actually rank fourth in yards per carry,

Run the ball lots and their day shall be merry,

If they do not, shove Hue Jackson up a chimney,

Richardson was forced to sell, I wish it was Jimmy!

If they win, across my living room I’ll prance,

With the Steelers looming, this is their best chance,

To make the nice list and avoid getting coal,

But no matter what, send Hue to the North Pole!

If they lose, they’ll still get Mayfield or Rosen,

It doesn’t matter so long as Hue can’t coach them,

But I heard Hue exclaim as he drove out of sight,

“To Cincy I go, Kizer won’t ever be right!”