It’s been a while since I just got on here and jabbered on about nothing. I need to get my mind cleared. It has been a hectic week. With Al’s bleeding problem and many nights this week of late-night bedtimes I have been tired.

I don’t look forward to the weekends like most people to get a way from work and frolic. I look forward to sleeping in hopefully for one more hour. I look forward to no appointments with Hospice.

No doctor appointments, although this weekend is rare. Al does have an eye appointment on the weekend. I didn’t want to interrupt his Day Program so I chose a Saturday for him. I look forward to more choices.

Choices of choosing whether I really want to venture out and where I want to go. Asking Al if he feels well enough to do anything, or maybe just staying in my house coat a little longer. I always did hate getting dressed as soon as my feet hit the floor. But what would the bus driver say when he saw me outside waiting with Al in my comfy clothes. I would be the talk of the neighborhood, but then again, that isn’t so bad is it?

If any of you have Dish Satellite you probably realize there are Sirius Music Stations on it. When Al comes inside in the afternoons I have the news on so he can bitch about the government. I keep telling him we don’t need to watch it but I think he gets a kick out of the crazy people who run our country.

You know if things were different for Al he may have run for office. He is opinionated about our country and sees and smells a liar a mile a way. He would have stuck to the rules and not let himself be swayed for a vote. As soon as supper is over he is exhausted and wants to nap, then I change the TV to the Escape station on Sirius. I think I am becoming addicted to it.

I don’t watch any TV in the evenings anymore. Things will change when American Idol comes back on unless the repeated changes of the judges has ruined the show. I have always been a watcher of this program.

When I watch TV with Al we must watch Antiques Roadshow, Swamp People, Counting Cars and American Pickers. I must say I enjoy these shows also but not night after night and the repeats, oh I don’t like repeats unless I am in love with them. When Titanic came out at the movie Theaters I went and saw that 13 times. Now that was one sick lady I think. Oh wait that lady was me. I better back track that remark.

I had a visit with the Hospice nurse today and Al. Al had his extra strong pain medication this morning. When I went in mid morning his teacher had given him another dose from his complaining of pain.

When I looked at Al his one leg was hanging in mid-air. That is the way those muscles are working. They just shrink up and squeeze him like squeezing out a mop. He didn’t even realize his leg was hanging. He does this with his head also. It will just hang in mid-air.

I am to document from today until Monday when I see the nurse again on which pain medications he has been taking apart from the regular ones and how often. I over heard the nurse telling him that his body was becoming immune to the dosages and will most likely be increased next week. She explained to him that not too very far off he may feel like he can no longer get out of bed and he may not want to go to Day Program. Al said, ” I know.”

Those two little words stabbed at my heart as I can easily see the path we are taking is going to come to a T sooner than later. Al deserves rest though, I am not going to argue. He has fought this battle hard but he is tired, and I understand.

I look out my window

And see leaves not stirring

Quietly sleeping as Al rests

Birds hushed gently flying

Around our home

Protecting his need

As he builds up his

Strength for another

Night of television

Beautiful flowers

Now petals softly

Falling letting us

Know another

Season will soon

Be upon us

And yet the lives

Within this home

Continue on

Fighting for life

And freedom

To laugh once again

God is writing our chapters

And he knows the ending

He has been gently blowing

Words of faith, hope and love

Leading us into undefined

Territory, holding our hands

Preparing us for

What is to come

I will be the child

Holding my hand in Gods

With Al holding mine

We will lean on our Lord

For a better understanding

Of what will follow

Oh Lord I love you

And I know Al does too

Al is tired and he

Needs his rest

I am ready to let go

And let you take both

His hands in yours

And guide him home.

I love you dear brother

Enough to let you go

When you are ready.

Written by

Terry Shepherd

08/15,2013

Well tomorrow is Friday. I will get myself in gear and get a nice grocery list in order and head to the store to stock up on essentials for the weekend. Maybe I will get something fun to eat for Al. Why do I say maybe, I always end up doing that once a week for him.

Another weekend coming upon us. Another new day. A day of hope and wonder. A day to give thanks to God for what he has let Al and me experience together. Isn’t life awesome. We can be in the middle of chaos, pain, tears and hurt and yet scream in joy at the knowledge that God is right here by our side, ready to help, if only we let him know.

Well my friends, it is time to get Al up from his nap so he can watch his TV programs. Probably going to be Pawn Stars since it is Wednesday night. So signing off with a smile on my face, a peace in my heart, as I have written my feelings and can now continue out and finish this day we were given. My only prayer for tonight is that Al has a nice weekend, less pain and just a little more in life.

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