Sick of all those treacly columns tailored to the cotton-candy emotions of the season?

Feel like you’re trapped in a world of elevator music and the off-gassing of baubles made in China?

Here, for your pleasure, are some Christmas catcalls from the nearly-empty bleachers of 2017 politics.

Let’s start with Justin Trudeau, who now owns a quadruple violation of ethics guidelines, as established by Mary Dawson on her way to retirement — and not a moment too soon.

It wasn’t very middle-class of Justin to holiday on a billionaire’s private island at taxpayer’s expense. It was also dumber than a bag of hammers.

The Aga Khan Foundation gets stuff from the Canadian government — and everyone knows who gives the stuff out. Of course this wasn’t lobbying; this was just old friends continuing their intimate and longstanding relationship. Intimate enough for the Aga Khan to call Trudeau personally in 2016 to pass on an environmental complaint about a Canadian mining subsidiary — an incident detailed in Dawson’s report. No lobbying there …

Someone in the inner circle of fan boys and girls who run the PMO — Gerald Butts, Katie Telford, Ryan Dunn and Mathieu Bouchard — should be out of work right now. The PMO is supposed to be a place where serious work gets done. It’s not supposed to be the PM’s private treehouse where everyone has a nickname and a favorite Justin story. No one in that office protected the PM from his own bad judgment. What else are they there for?

True, some key PMO staffers recused themselves from nominating the new ethics commissioner, Mario Dion. But questions remain.

Before they tried to cover up Justin’s glitzy trip, what was their advice to him? Did any of them see the obvious breach of the rules and say so?

If they did not, why are we paying them? If they did, how could they be part of the same PMO team that subsequently tried to defend the PM’s tainted trip to Aga-Land? Justin may soon discover that the cruelest way to go in politics is death-by-acolyte.

As for Justin himself, his apology for his now documented transgressions (the penalty for which is a meaningless sound bite on the news) sounded like those recordings that tell you how important your call is. It was as heartfelt as the welcome of a medicated Walmart greeter. Justin needs to work on his sincerity skills.

Before Dawson applied Canada’s toothless ethics regulations to Justin, the PM said that there was no other way to get to the Aga Khan’s island other than to take his private helicopter. He could have hoofed it, of course — but after Dawson’s report, the polls will show that Justin’s water-walking skills are fading fast.

The PM would be well advised to brush up on his human resources instincts, too. There has to be more to picking a cabinet minister than geographical balance and loyalty. Cabinet ministers need vision — 20/20, if possible. They need to be savvy, smart people who anticipate problems — and not the sort who walk into propeller blades in public.

Finance Minister Bill Morneau has 19/20 vision — blind enough not to see that he needed a blind trust, particularly after his ample fortune stood to grow even larger based on decisions he was making as finance minister.

Yes, Morneau should be fired — or at the very least demoted. No one is buying the retroactive Robin Hood bit, any more than they bought the Good Samaritan fable Nigel Wright told during the Duffy Affair. And the guy doing the demoting ought to be the prime minister — not the new ethics commissioner after he takes on this bundle of dirty laundry in the new year.

I hope Nikki Haley’s party was nicely catered, because Canada just kissed goodbye any chance of joining the Security Council any time soon. Who needs two UN delegations from the United States? I hope Nikki Haley’s party was nicely catered, because Canada just kissed goodbye any chance of joining the Security Council any time soon. Who needsUN delegations from the United States?

Then there is Trudeau’s awful approach to Donald Trump — snuggling-up with Trumpy Bear in a sad effort to win a few bonbons in the NAFTA renegotiations. (There really is a Trumpy Bear product on the market this Christmas, complete with an American flag stored in a hidden, zippered pocket. It’s made in China.)

Although Justin has been praised in some quarters for not becoming a negative obsession for Trump, the president remains a menace to the planet, as his recent decision to move the U.S. embassy in Israel to Jerusalem shows. Never mind those puerile tweets about incinerating Little Rocket Man.

The world needs to stand up to this bloviating bully who reeled off a thousand lies in his first term in office. The Jerusalem issue was the perfect issue over which to shun him.

After all, the UN resolution that sent Trump off his head was merely reaffirming that organization’s longstanding position — that the issue of Jerusalem is a final-status matter that has to be negotiated between the Israelis and Palestinians. Trump barged in before those negotiations took place and didn’t just put his thumb on the scales, but his ample butt.

Through his UN ambassador, Nikki Haley, Trump threatened financial consequences for any country that voted against the United States. Despite this thuggish attempt at blackmail, one hundred and twenty-eight countries stood up for the basic principle that Jerusalem’s status must be negotiated. Only nine voted with the United States.

Those calling Trump out included key allies like the United Kingdom, France, Germany and Japan. They all realized that any chance of a two-state solution went out the window with Trump’s reversal of long-standing U.S. policy.

The United States’ prospects of acting as an “honest broker” in Middle East peace talks — always fictitious — are now completely exploded. VP Mike Pence’s pending trip to the region will put that message up in neon for all the world to see.

Canada was one of 35 countries that abstained from the UN vote. That exercise in craven self-interest earned Canada’s Ambassador Marc-Andre Blanchard an invitation to Nikki Haley’s “friendship party.” It was Ambassador Haley’s way of thanking those compliant countries that did what they were told.

I hope Nikki’s party was nicely catered, because Canada just kissed goodbye any chance of joining the Security Council any time soon. Who needs two UN delegations from the United States?

As for the political opposition in Canada, they remain Justin Trudeau’s best asset. While it may be true that good things come to those who wait, Andrew Scheer apparently has forgotten that you need to show signs of life for that approach to bear fruit. Stephen Harper was bad enough. Canadians don’t want his wax effigy.

NDP leader Jagmeet Singh had the guts and good sense to call Trump’s Jerusalem decision “counter-productive” and “divisive.” But would Singh have voted with the rest of the world, or played economic small ball the way the Liberals did? Would he have stood up to Trump, or hidden behind the bar?

Finally, as we approach Christmas, a few thoughts on the two most dangerous men in the world: Trump and Kim Jong Un, two tubby, tyrannical twins separated at birth.

It could be that these two just haven’t spent enough quality time together to develop a relationship. How about a camping trip for just the two of them — no aides, no media, no near relatives?

They could pitch their tent on the slopes of Mt. Vesuvius, Mauna Loa or Mt. Merapi in Java. Like the two prospective campers, these locations are all the sites of live volcanoes.

What could be more perfect?

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