Now That All the Middle Schoolers Are Home, My Guild Is Stronger Than Ever

Sure, thousands of people have died in the coronavirus pandemic. But you know who else is about to die? A shipload of dungeons bosses now that the rest of my Elder Scrolls Online guild is home from school indefinitely. So strap on some Plague Doctor and get ready to crush it, guildies.

Some people may see this as a global catastrophe. I see it as an opportunity for @Braids-the-Hair to get off her ass and up her tanking game now that she’s not being a whiny little bitch about girls calling her a “dehydrated pastelicker” in homeroom. If you can’t defeat a 13-year-old bully, how the hell are you going to defeat vCR+0, much less vCR+3?

Yeah, it’s sad that @ok_skoomer’s dad is starting a new family, but he also paid for a full year’s ESO+ subscription before he left. Now Okay has no excuse for not leveling up his alt magblade and hitting the training dummy to perfect his rotation for vDOM. Crying never increased anyone’s dps, whiner.

Getting off your fabricant ass and running vBRPis a great coping mechanism. That’s what I tell @social_anxxxiety every time she hogs the group chat talking about how her mom “lost her job” and might “lose her house”. Gurl, if you sell enough Honor Guard motifs you’ll have enough gold to buy her the Ebonheart Chateau. Yeah, you can’t really live there, but I think we can all agree it would be pretty fucking cool.

Global pandemics are hard. You know what’s harder? A no-death speedrun of March of Sacrifices. Saddle up, kids, because there’s never been a better time to be me.

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