Take heart, anti-Semites. Or be depressed. Because the myth on which so much anti-Semitism is built finally now is exposed as one more fantasy, one more falsehood, one more libel. This is the myth that Jews have influence in the Democrat Party. Turns out ’taint so. Duh!

Don’t get me wrong. Like most American Jews, I love many of the main anti-Semitic myths and defamations. Lying Jew-haters say that Jews control the banks. They say that Jews control the wealth. They say that Jews hypnotize the world. They say that Jews control everything.

As a Jew, what’s not to love when you read that stuff? Think about how it feels for me: I control the banks, the wealth, hypnotize the world, control everything. It’s like the guy in every eighth Twilight Zone episode where the story revolves around that variation. Honestly, for me as a Jew — that is so unbe-freaking-lievably cool! Ah, to control everything. Everything.

But then it happens. Ouch! — reality sets in. Back when I was in my 30s and 40s, I would apply for a home mortgage, and for years and years I could not qualify. But I’m a Jew — I control the banks, no?

No.

I would look at my bank account every month, for all my wealth. Where was it? Month after month, just breaking even. I called my parents — were they hoarding our renowned Jewish wealth? Nope. Actually, Mom then asked whether I would be able to send her $100 a week. My sisters, better situated, sent more. We all sent money regularly to Mom. That’s what grown kids did for 5,000 years until this generation of narcissism and texting.

So where was our freaking Jewish wealth? The banks we control? And why were never invited to any meetings of the International Zionist Conspiracy?

I went around to the neighbors. Abe and Florence Goodman. The Bresnicks. The Pelikows. Irving and Claire Gold. Mrs. Neiman. Mr. Herskovitz. “Does any of you happen to have the secret combination to the safe where we Jews of the World hoard all our wealth? Anyone know which banks we own here, like just to get approved for a credit card?” Nope. Not even Mr. Gold knew where the gold was. Nor Mr. Goldberg. Nor Goldstein. So it didn’t even pay to ask Dr. Silverman or Mr. Diamond. Thankfully, none of them also asked me for $100 a week.

But at least we owned the banks. Just had to find where. So I went to Security Pacific. Not a Jew near the top. Citibank. No Jews in management there. First National Bank. Nope. Heck, not even at Eighth National. Everyone turning me down for loans. Like, the banks wouldn’t even approve me for a secured debit card back then.

“But I’m a Jew!” I pleaded. “Don’t you read anti-Semitic literature? Don’t you know we control you? And I’m not just any run-of-the-mill Jew. I am a rabbi!” (At that point, for added effect, I would stretch out my two arms and wave my fingers, like to put on a whammy.) “For goodness sakes, aren’t any of you Nazi sympathizers? Even a little bit? How come there is not a single danged bank out here that is run by Jews and that acknowledges we control you?”

And so it went. No one hypnotized. No influence. The best attorney I ever had representing me in a massive complex tort litigation was a non-Jew, Jim Elliot. The surgeon who may have saved my life when my appendix decided to rupture was a Chinese guy named Wang. Not even born to a Jewish mother. Although Chinese, not even any siblings with a first name of “Joo” or “Ju.” Just Peter Wang.

It was a known joke back in the 1960s that Jews would rent post office boxes so they could subscribe to the Nazi monthly and receive it secretly. We loved getting it and reading about all our power. Here we were, struggling to pay for food and utilities, maybe buy a used car and get some second-hand clothes at a charitable consignment store, but we could experience the once-monthly reassurance that in fact we really own everything.

And yet. And yet.… I go to people in the Jewish community raising money, and they have nothing left after the cost of yeshiva tuition, kosher meat, synagogue dues, summer programs, and a Shlomo Carlebach tribute concert.

Y’know when I finally got a mortgage? When a bunch of non-Jews at the Jones, Day, Reavis & Pogue law firm hired me to be an attorney after my first career change, subsequent to my first 10-year stretch as a congregational rabbi. And then later when I was hired for even more money to litigate at Akin Gump for Guatemalan farmers, Danish insurers, Swiss hoteliers, and Samsung. It was not until I was in my early 50s when I finally hit pay dirt. In return for working 20-hour days (we called the firm “Jones, Day, Nights & Weekends”) and then at the next one, my wife and I finally had the income on the precipice of our 50s to get a mortgage and buy our home.

I assumed that — because I am a Jew and control the world — we would not have to pay property taxes. I wuz wrong. Well, at least no Homeowners Association fees? Wrong again. Well, at least I can park my car outside the garage overnight because, uh, I am a Jew and control — y’know, stuff?

Wrong again. Those HOA low-lifes had my car towed when I fell asleep on the couch one night before I got the car back into the garage. The next day my car was missing. When I got to the tow guys — who decidedly were not Jewish — I tried hypnotizing them by reciting the Hebrew Alphabet. I waved my fingers. I showed my membership card in the International Zionist Conspiracy. Nothing worked. “How then can I get my car back?”

$280 — and not payable to Rothschild.

Today I am financially blessed. It took many years. It took some disappointments during my rabbinical career. It took 10 years of torture practicing big-firm litigation in return for big bucks. That is how it works: if you want something badly enough, you have to work and sacrifice for it. It took family who came to my rescue, like after my divorce. But the one thing that never got me past $18 was “I’m a Jew.” For that one, you get $18. It’s a thing.

And now The Last Great Anti-Semitic Myth explodes. The myth that Jews have influence in the Democrat Party. If you want to see “powerful” Jews who are so bereft of power and influence that it would make even an anti-Semite feel pity, look at the Three Stooges: Charles Schumer, Jerrold Nadler, and Adam Schiff.

Boy oh boy, are they ever powerful! One can just hear Schumer calling his parents on the phone: “Mama, your Chucky just became the head of the whole United States Senate!” If Mama responds, “But Cholly, whatsabout der Rupublukins?” So Charley answers, “OK, quibbles, quibbles. Don’t be so picky. I’m almost in charge. Charles in Charge, Mama! Almost.”

And Nadler: “Bubbie, I’m going to get Trump’s taxes. Look at me, so powerful. (To the tune of “If I Were a Rich Man”) I’m going to get his taxes.” And one can hear Bubbie responding, “Nu, Mr. Big Shot. I will be impressed when you can earn the income on his taxes. And, meanwhile, Mr. Tax Returns: What about those two Nazi kurvehs from Michigan and Minnesota? When are you going to stand up to them? When are you going to show some loyalty to yourself and to your roots? Nu?”

And then Schiff: “Uncle Seymour, I’m in charge of investigating the president!” And Uncle Seymour’s response: “OK, Mr. Sherlock Holmes. And what about the Nazi kurvehs? When are you going to show some loyalty to yourself and to your roots?”

Once upon a time, Trotsky thought he was going to run the Soviet Union. Didn’t quite work out that way — and he at least had the decency to abandon the Jews, his Jewish identity, to change his name, to deny his Jewishness. Karl Marx was even more open: he hated Jews and Judaism so much that he made a central thesis of his entire Marxist agenda the eradication of the Jews and of Judaism, following in the steps of his father, who abandoned Judaism and converted to the Evangelical Church of Prussia before Karl even was born.

Schumer, Nadler, Schiff. They are the Three Stooges who symbolize and epitomize the utter emptiness and myth of “Jewish influence” in the Democrat Party. Those Jews are pure suckers, just as the Democrats have hoodwinked Black America. When the Democrats know they have you in their pockets, they move on. For example, they figure they have Blacks in their pockets, so they now focus on importing Hispanic voters to leapfrog Blacks socially and economically — which is exactly what is happening.

And the Democrats likewise know they have non-Orthodox Jews, Fake Jews, and anti-Semitic Jews in their pockets. (Orthodox Jews, who are the fastest-growing demographic in American Jewry, voted 90 percent for Romney over Obama, and are rock-solid as President Trump’s strongest constituency.)

When Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib attack Israel, the Three Stooges — plus Eliot Engel, nukh a putz (“NAP”) — thought they had all that influence among Democrats. They really started to believe the anti-Semites bewailing Jewish influence. And then they could not even pass a simple resolution condemning anti-Semitism.

A year later, with a new form of American Nazi in Congress — the Jew-haters Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib accusing Jews of controlling the world, hypnotizing the world, disloyalties, controlling power with their money … and now trying to destroy Israel by using anti-Semitic allies and Holocaust-denial organizations to promote their anti-Semitic BDS efforts and Nazi tropes — the Three Stooges Plus NAP are powerless, useless, hapless.

The Democrats rally ’round two Islamist Nazis who happen to be among 435 elected Congressional representatives, and the Three Stooges Plus NAP cannot so much as lead a counter-charge. While they pitifully lack loyalty to themselves or their roots, it takes others like Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.), Mike Huckabee, Sean Hannity, Bill Maher (yes, Bill Maher!), Laura Ingraham, and Rep. Chip Roy (R-Texas) to stand with Israel on banning those two Islamist Nazis from the Jewish State.

Omar and Tlaib have no right to be there, to set foot in Israel — ever. That is the beauty of living in an era when Jews have one small country, the size of Delaware: they can keep Nazis out. Tlaib waited how many years to visit her grandmother? And then suddenly “wants” to visit her — merely to get Israel to refuse. And as soon as Israel called her bluff and said she could come in privately and visit, Tlaib exposed her innermost garbage: she’s no longer interested in visiting the nonagenarian once Israel said she could.

One can imagine Tlaib’s phone call to her grandmother:

Grandmother: Rashida, I have not eaten for years! Tlaib: You mean because of Zionist oppression? Grandmother: No, I just didn’t want to have my mouth full in case you called.

So Tlaib and Omar have found real gold — millions of dollars — by leveraging their Jew hate. Beyond that, they seem to have thought they could hypnotize Israel. In reality, they can hypnotize only the Left Media and their Democrat associates. They can hypnotize Fake Jews, Pseudo-Jews, and anti-Semitic Jews— all people who shamefully live without loyalty to themselves or their roots. But when it turns out that, to see grandma, Tlaib would have to fly on a private trip — since she just had refused to accompany dozens of Republican and Democrat congressional representatives who had gone there to meet with both Israeli lawmakers and Mahmoud Abbas and his Fatah people — she realized that we American taxpayers would not be financing her itinerary. Instead, she would have to pay to visit granny out of her own pocket. So she decided to forget about it. So maybe it is about the $100 “Benjamins” after all, baby.

And Schumer, Nadler, Schiff, and Engel lack the power or self-respect to do a danged thing about it. They lack loyalty to themselves and loyalty to their roots. Thus, we see alternatively the increasingly warm and ever-intensifying Orthodox Jewish alliance with conservative Republicans, American Evangelical Christians, and devout Catholics on a broad range of national social, moral, and political issues. The Democrats do not have us Orthodox Jews in their pockets, and neither do the Three Stooges Plus NAP. And that’s no myth.