It’s always good to occasionally leave deep blue west Los Angeles and visit the United States. When your congressjerk is Ted Lieu, you get a skewed perspective on the country as well as suffer continuous embarrassment. My recent travels through parts of the country that aren’t populated and controlled almost exclusively by liberal nimrods gave me some hope for the future. America as a whole does not appear eager to become Scat Francisco. The problem is the people who want to transform our entire country into a socialist open sewer know nothing of this country outside their reeking pinko enclaves.

It’s a very different country when you get between I-5 and I-95. People are generally nice. They smile and attempt to assist you, even when you display the insanity inherent in your blue homeland. If you go to a restaurant and ask if they have a vegan, gluten-free keto alternative, they try to help you and bring you a glass of water.

I rediscovered biscuits. Biscuits are good.

One thing they try to do is avoid politics, mostly because they have better things to do outside an election year. Politics is a necessary evil to Normal people. Unlike in Santa Monica, you see very few of the fraying Felonia Milhous von Pantsuit 2016 bumper stickers on the back of lime green Priuses. You do see a lot of stickers reflecting an affinity for Jesus or some branch of the military. They like Christians in America, and they like vets. A huge number of people you meet are both. So, America is pretty much hell for the kind of leftist dweebs I’m normally surrounded by.

There was no talk of how guns are awful and how they need to be confiscated. Nor was anyone excited about letting the same folks who couldn’t keep Jeffrey Epstein from gacking himself take over our medical system. No one was upset about the children of criminals who broke our immigration laws crying on camera – Americans understand that if they get picked up for a DUI, MSNBC won’t show up with a crew to videotape their children sobbing.

Those are the kind of elite fetishes you hear advocated on CNN and the places where people watch CNN, like Washington. CNN also plays in airport lounges, but the only political talk I overheard there was generalized contempt for political correctness. There were also complaints about irritating liberal initiatives, like paper straws, signaling generalized discontent with these gratuitous policy pokes at the Normal people liberals seem determined to improve or, if that doesn’t work, eliminate.

That’s not to say that there are no activated, aggressive folks out there. There are. I spoke to a great conservative group in New Orleans and found, as I do in other places where I talk to Republicans, that they are intensely woke and intensely up for a fight. The Jeb! crew of country club cons has abandoned ship, and any mention of sleazy geebos like Lose Boat Cap’n Bill Kristol draws howls of utter contempt (and a chorus of “Ahoys”). The base is all in on Donald Trump; no Fredocons need apply. If you want a surefire applause line, roast some squishy simp like Candy Crowley’s vinyl-clad gimp Mitt Romney and the crowd goes wild. We’re never going back to failure as usual.

There were some interesting revelations along the way. I visited the Schlichter hometown of Chambersburg, Pennsylvania, where the first of us ended up in about 1750, probably after being kicked out of Germany for being too real. I was last there back in 2010 between toga parties at the nearby Army War College, and it was a wreck. The businesses were boarded up on the main drag, and everyone in the neighborhood my dad grew up in was sipping on a 40 and looked like Eminem.

It was a stark portrait of the collapse of rural America. So, coming back in 2019, I resolved to keep the windows up and drive fast, except it wasn’t a disaster in 2019. It was vibrant and clean. There were no degenerates wandering the streets. It wasn’t fancy, but on the surface at least, it no longer looked like a petri dish of middle American pathologies. I did not expect that; I expected to practically smell the opioids. Maybe having a president who gives a damn about people who don’t live in Brooklyn makes a difference.

History is not a hypothetical there. John Brown did some of the planning for the raid on Harper’s Ferry in C-Burg, and the Democrats burned it twice in the first civil war they provoked. Just up the road is Gettysburg, and visiting that battlefield with my grandmother (who had met veterans of that war) was one of my earliest memories. The problem is that this real American history, if it was ever learned by them, has been forgotten by the liberal dummies who need to learn it the most.

The battlefield was full of visitors, but these were almost all Normals. The same was true at Mt. Vernon and Arlington – a whole bunch of middle American folks and very few hipsters or liberals. How could I tell? You can tell. You saw families and a lot of vets, and not a lot of people who don’t look like they can do push-ups wearing t-shirts for obscure bands while their gender-indeterminate partner wears a kitty hat.

At Little Round Top and the Angle, you stand on patches of ground where bodies piled up because Americans could not resolve their differences in any other way than with bayonets and Minié balls. That’s true American history, not the garbage propaganda the elite tries to feed us to undermine the moral basis of our country and thereby justify their fundamental transformation of it into a socialist dictatorship with them in charge, of course.

Americans are thirsty for their heritage. They flock to it. And liberals, at best, ignore it and its lessons when they are not actively trying to erase it. The New York Times has promised a series of essays dedicated to show that slavery was the entirety of America’s foundation, but that’s a lie designed to create a kind of original sin they can exploit for their own advantage today. It’s weaponized history. My family didn’t have slaves – they carved a farm out of wilderness. The vast majority of people didn’t have slaves. And if you think there will be some sort of acknowledgement of what those men did to end slavery at Devil’s Den or Culp’s Hill, I’ve got a unicorn named Chet for sale cheap.

But liberals will gobble it up while regular Americans will continue actually going to where history happened and learning the truth. The gulf will widen between red and blue, and that’s bad because when you learn fake history you do not learn to avoid the mistakes of the past. And the Democrats made some whoppers like, well, starting the Civil War comes to mind.

Locked up in their largely child-free urban playgrounds, our garbage elite is utterly unaware of the real America and of real Americans themselves. And it is dangerously unaware of – even actively hostile to – our true history. There are lessons there they need to learn as they continue to bully and provoke the mass of Americans who just wish to be left alone. Anyone who causally suggests confiscating millions of weapons from millions of American patriots and who has not walked through Lexington and Concord is a fool. And, sadly, our blue elite is full of fools.

For a look at what happens if the left wins, check out my action-packed yet hilarious novels about the United States’ split into red and blue countries, People's Republic, Indian Country and Wildfire. The Never Trump losers tried to label them “Appalling” for refusing to submit to the liberal narrative in return for pats on the head, so you know they’re good.