ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Minister for Home Affairs has put forward the suggestion that the common practice of taping over a webcam should be made illegal in the interest of national security.

Peter Dutton also outlined the need for him to see your cock.

“By covering your webcam, you are preventing the Home Affairs office from seeing your cock,” he said.

“In order to effectively fight terrorism, the Australian Government needs access to images of your hard penis. At the very least, we need pictures of it when you’ve just hopped out of a hot shower and it’s still kind of big but flaccid. Preferably, the Home Affairs department needs pictures of it when it’s so hard it almost hurt. A full stoke on,”

“Terrorists are already trying to look at your cock through your webcam. If it’s currently taped over, the terrorists are trying to get to you and trick you into taking the tape off so they can see your peepee. Your cock is in safer hands with the government,”

“All reasons why the Morrison government is taking steps to make the practice of taping over a webcam illegal. It’s for your own safety.”

Mr Dutton concluded the presser by asking people to stop sending him imagery of their genitals directly.

“The government prefers to watch and perhaps join in later on,” he said.

More to come.

