Everyone wants to be Yu Darvish's friend but none of us are cool enough

(Art by Tom Forget)

You know those really cool people in high school? You watched them from afar, trying to copy their walk and talk without them noticing. You wanted to be them, but you knew you couldn't be. They're too cool. You're not as cool. You're not at Heath Ledger's level in 10 Things I Hate About You. Nobody is.

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That's kinda like how I see Yu Darvish. He's the coolest player in baseball, and to be honest, I didn't even realize it until just this week -- which, really, makes it even cooler.

He's not only really good at pitching (with both his right and left hand), he also does other things that make you want to hang out with him every single day. LOOK AT THE DUDE.

You may think he's looking at something far away in the distance but he's actually just thinking and smiling about how cool he is. He has nothing to worry about. He's been a superstar since second grade.

And now, he's got lookalikes that follow him around to different stadiums. Fans lose their goddamn minds when they're within 100 feet of him. He's been called The Elvis of Japan and was once named GQ Man of the Year. Hey, Yu.

There's an entire museum dedicated to him. His wife is a world champion wrestler who will probably beat you up if you tell Yu he's not cool. Don't do that.

Yu is especially good and cool on social media -- something very difficult to be good and cool at. Former teammate Derek Holland wanted to play video games with him recently. Sorry, Derek, but Yu doesn't have time for video games.

Owning Cy Young Award winners during the World Series? Yu lives for it.

Justin.... 🤦‍♂️. Not doing a lot here to help us dispel the pitchers aren’t athletes thing.https://t.co/Ne5E1FXEe2 https://t.co/5UyZlpLyg9 — ダルビッシュ有(Yu Darvish) (@faridyu) October 24, 2019

Yu doesn't really care about normal diets and would eat fried chicken every day for the rest of his life. They made T-shirts about one of his tweets -- who gets T-shirts made out of their tweets?? He made fun of Cubs fan favorite Anthony Rizzo and got away with it.

Yu Darvish is cool. Like the guy has a freaking statue cool. It's time we all took notice. And although you probably can't be best friends with him in real life, you should go follow him on Twitter and Instagram. Just try not to get owned.