Super Mario Maker is the game I am most looking forward to this year. Sure, there are some great Triple-A titles yet to come in the next five months, such as Metal Gear, Guitar Hero and Fallout 4 but this is the game I want.

Super Mario Maker isn’t even out yet and I want more. It’s a game that is already packed full of content and it needs more. Don’t misunderstand what I mean, it is pretty much everything I could want in a side-scrolling Mario game, however… I. WANT. MORE.

I have been watching every and any video that pops up on Youtube and all the gaming websites just to get every single morsel of information about the game. Every day I see something that reminds me of it’s imminent release.

There’s a big plush ? block facing me in my living room and I think about how you’ll be able to put enemies inside them. My desktop background cycles though different wallpapers and brings up the Mario 25th anniversary image. I realise that it’s now his 30th. Watching Forensic Files on Netflix and there’s a murder in a kitchen with black and white flooring and I think, “that reminds me of Super Mario Bros. 3!”

I WANT MORE.

We pretty much have all the details about the game. We’ve seen, more or less, the whole pallet of tools and all the different stage themes. We know all about the amiibo compatibility.

It’s still not enough. I feel like there are a few things that would improve the game. Just keep in mind I am still yet to play it and actually see it in full. Also, remember I am a bit of an idiot.

Here is a list, or conjuring if you will, of features I would like to see in Super Mario Maker.

MORE STAGES

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “WHAT THE BLOODY FREAK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ‘MORE STAGES’! IT’S A GOSH DARNIN’ GAME WITH THE POTENTIAL FOR ENDLESS STAGES!”

First of all I’ll just ask you to calm down, take a seat and shut the hell up. Also, if you’re going to curse, say “fuck” and “god damn” instead of “freak” and “gosh darnin'”.

Secondly, valid point. However you have misinterpreted what I said. You are certainly correct. There will basically be an endless supply of user made stages to play. Let me explain a bit more and perhaps you will see my meaning.

As far as we know it, when the game comes out September 10th in Australia and September 11th in the US (in case you forget), users will only be able to share ten stages with the rest of the world. This is currently unconfirmed but has been mentioned several times from different sources.

Ten stages are hardly enough. I could pop out ten stages like an overly pregnant mother could pop out decuplets, but no doubt a lot faster.

A WHOLE NEW WORLD

Shining, shimmering, splendid. Tell me princess, now when did you last let your heart decide?

What’s that you say? You aren’t a princess? No kidding. Even though I can tell there may be a long line of incest running in your family, you certainly don’t appear to hold any royal qualities.

I digress. I just can’t help but start to sing that song whenever I hear the phrase “A whole new world.”

A new fantastic point of view. No one to tell us no, or where to go. Or say we’re only dreaming.

See? Wow, double digression there. Digressception if you will.

Currently as it stands Super Mario Maker lets you choose from a huge array of previously mentioned, near endless stages from the worldwide community of players. There are a few different ways to find these said stages. You can see what’s trending, sort by ranking or difficulty and even randomly.

That’s pretty nifty but it’s still just one stage at a time. What I want is the ability to create whole worlds. I want to be able to create Mario worlds with different themes with stages to match.

I want custom world maps with different layout options. I think it would be cool to have it set up so your players have to beat stage 1-1 before they can play 1-2. Hell, take it a step further and let us put eight worlds together and effectively make a whole game.

VERY SPECIAL THINGS

Over the last few months Nintendo have shown off what we can only assume to be the full set of tools and power-ups within the game. You know what they say about assuming though. It makes an ass out of you and Ming. And Ming hates being made an ass out of.

There are a few things that I haven’t seen yet within the game, be it because of my plain old ignorance and lack of perception or they just aren’t in there.

For example, how can you have Super Mario Bros. 3 without the P-wing or as I like to call it, the fly power. Maybe it feels like a bit of a cheat, you know, simply being able to fly past all the enemies and obstacles in the course. Like the clown car can…

My want for the P-wing hearkens back to my desire for being able to create whole worlds and games. Sure it would be a cop out using a fly power in a stage, but you should be able to collect them, along with other items, like in Super Mario Bros. 3, to use later in a stage that you might be having trouble on. Such as that stage in Dark World with the hella fast moving airship platforms. I always save a P-wing for that.

Don’t just limit it to special power-ups. Let us stockpile all the items collected from Toad Houses too.

Oh, and speaking of special power-ups, let’s include the weird ones like the anchor! You know, that thing you get for collecting all the coins in certain stages, that when you use it stops the end of world airship flying around the map if you don’t beat it the first time.

YOU CALL THAT A STAGE!

By now I’m at the point where I’m just guessing the following features aren’t going to be in the game. Thinking like this get’s me all riled up. You won’t like me when I’m riled up. I get snarky. Who knows, maybe you will like that… If you do like it why don’t you give me a call? We just might hit it off.

Aaaaaanywhom, these are the things that I feel are required to make the experience more of a “whole package” kinda deal.

Being that the game seems to lack whole “worlds”, it’s a fair call to figure secret exits are a no go. Why bother with secret exits if they don’t lead anywhere? There’s no need to answer that question as it pretty much answered itself.

Boss battles are also a must. Obviously we will have Koopa and Bowser, or Bowser the evil King of the Koopas (surely this doesn’t need explanations), but will we get other bosses? We need Boom Boom, the boss with a name that screams onomatopoeia. Also, will the previously mentioned Koopa attack us in different ways other than just throwing crap at us and breathing fire? I sure hope so.

How about some story elements thrown in there for good measure? This requires my request of full worlds to be realised. It doesn’t need to be CG cutscenes, but how about those “Dear Mario” letters. Yeah, I know, people would write obscene and offensive things in them but that’s what the report button is for people!

CREATORS GONNA CREATE, CREATE, CREATE, CREATE, CREATE

Now that I have your attention with a catchy Taylor Swift song all the kids are listening to, I’d like to address something rather serious. This is seriously the most serious of serious things, so pay some serious attention.

Now that you are aware of the severity of this, hopefully you can appreciate what an omission such as it could mean. Okay, ready?

Slopes.

As said near the beginning of this rant like opinion piece and just in case you forgot, here I am telling you again. I have seen lots of Super Mario Maker videos. I watched all the Nintendo Treehouse features during E3. Even that eighty-odd minute hands on IGN did. Every day I watch a new youtube video and I haven’t seen one damn slope. Not a single hill.

NO INCLANATION TOWARDS AN INCLANATION!

Mario needs slopes. There are many classic stages across the titles that included them. Super Mario Bros. 3, Super Mario World and New Super Mario Bros. U all had them. Just because the original Super Mario Bros. was sans-slope doesn’t mean the game should lack them completely. After all, there have been several devolutions of items and enemies to suit the styles that didn’t originally feature them.

It’s not just an aesthetic thing either. It adds something a little extra to the plain old running from left to right. Heck, sliding down them was integral for speed runs in New Super Mario Bros. U.

On a less potentially game destroying note, how about the ability to change up the music on stages? I know there isn’t much of a choice going on here but it would be nice to add a little flavor to our stages, even if it includes some tracks from other Mario games of the 3D persuasion.

This other feature I want was touched on briefly during one of Nintendo’s showings at E3, but I would love the ability to fully alter the non-interactive parts of a stage too. Placing background and worldly object in chosen locations would give a bit more of a personal touch.

ONE LAST THING

This could just be the thirty year old in me speaking but hear me out.

Nostalgia makes up a big part of Mario. Most generations of Gamers have had the privilege to grow up playing a Mario game and everyone has their favourite. For me it’s Super Mario Bros. 3. It is my benchmark for Mario titles.

Inevitably there are going to be changes to how each Mario generation is represented in the game and most of these are fine. The sprites and graphics look better than ever in high definition and some slight UI changes are to be expected.

Yet, there is one thing rubbing me the wrong way. Just like when you pet a cat backwards it bites you, this may be enough to make me bite you too. It’s the biggest graphical design change in the game.

These fucking shadows.

They are killing the illusion for me, making the game feel less authentic. I would really like to see the option to play the game’s user made stages in a “classic” mode. Lose the stupid shadows and drop the UI to how it originally looked, “back in the day” as they say.

Who knows, it could be a very conscious decision from Nintendo to have this design element, perhaps to differentiate between the original games and the stages created in Super Mario Maker.

Either way it’s not a deal breaker. I’ll still play the crap out of it.