Question

Married mom, husband works, 3 small kids, watches TV. House is like something from the show Hoarders, doesn't seem to be able to focus on cleaning. Seems mentally slow, and buys junk that's cheap as a feel-good fix. What can I do to help?

Community Answer

Try sitting down with her and checking on her. Hoarding and struggling with cleaning can be a sign of a mental illness like depression/anxiety, or just being sad and lonely. Sometimes, people buy things because they feel sad and insecure, and it helps them feel a little better for a short time. However, it's not a viable long-term strategy. Try sitting her down and gently explaining your concerns. For example, "I've noticed that you seem to be struggling with clutter at your house. You seem kind of low on energy. I'm wondering if you're doing okay, and if there's anything I can do to help." If she opens up, be kind to her by listening and validating her feelings, then asking what kind of help she could use. If she refuses to discuss it, then she's not ready for help. People can only be helped if they want help, and if they don't, you just have to say "not my problem" and let it go.