One day, not long after becoming a teenager, Jak arrived home from school furious: a boy had said that "gay was catching" in his family.

He typed up an angry Facebook post about how much he hated the boy.

His father Charlie made him take down the post — and then called the boy's dad for a chat.

"He said, 'you're gay?' and I said, 'yeah, who do you think that other guy who comes to the rugby matches with me every Saturday morning is?'," Charlie recalls.

The boy's parents hadn't tweaked, but their son had.

"People say, 'isn't it weird having more than two parents?'" Jak says.

"It's quite hard to answer that. I've never really experienced anything else. This is just what my family is."



Charlie says Jak retaliated to being bullied in his own "unique way". ( ABC RN: Frank Stackpool )

Jak was born to four gay parents — Charlie, John, Ruth and Betty.

It all began just over 20 years ago, the day Charlie and Ruth met at a Sydney work seminar.

"It was the lesbian and the gay man going off to talk with each other in the park," Charlie remembers, tongue-in-cheek.

"Ruth said something about being a parent, and I said, 'yes, I've always wanted to, but John and I want to be more than just sperm donors'."

Ruth and her partner Betty wanted to be parents too, but they didn't necessarily want to take on the main caregiving role.

"Eyebrows were raising, and I couldn't believe what I was hearing," Charlie says.

Hatching a radical family plan

Listen to part one Earshot producer Ros Bluett first spoke with the two couples in 1997, and she's caught up with them every few years as their family grew. Read more Read more

Countless dinner nights between the two couples would follow. They discussed topics like education, religion, core values and the men being the primary carers.

"The thing that really annoys me is the way heterosexual people talk to me about custody," Charlie says.

"'Custody' is something heterosexual people do to a child when they're divorced, and we are neither of those things."

The two couples agreed to be as flexible as possible and make decisions in the best interest of their child — or children, if the plan was successful.

"I think in a sense the child is very fortunate because it has four people who love it very much, who want it and have gone out of their way to ensure it has been born," John says.

"The key thing you want to give someone is a sense of being loved, being secure, and self-respect."

Once they felt they had enough common ground to take the next step, the discussion turned to who would be the biological parents.

Betty was happy for Ruth to be the birth mother.

Negotiations between the men were a little more fraught, but eventually it was decided that Charlie would be the biological father this time, and if more children were to come, John would be next.

The old fashioned turkey baster was employed — conception didn't take long.

Baby Jak arrived in 1998 to four over-the-moon parents, and an excess of love and attention.

Jak was born in Sydney in 1998. ( ABC RN: Frank Stackpool )

"You have immediate feelings that you have to look after this precious thing that is unbelievably perfect," Ruth says.

John and Charlie felt the same.

"I just looked at him and realised I had something to do for the rest of my life. It just blows your mind. Charlie went completely gooey," John says.

With both couples wanting as much time with Jak as possible, they began to discuss a radical new living arrangement: moving from two separate households in inner Sydney, to sharing a country home together.

Growing together, and apart

By the time Jak turned two, his parents had all found work in Canberra and had bought a large property on its outskirts.

Life in the country was peaceful, but it wasn't long before lifestyle differences began to emerge.

Tensions sprang up around issues such as the dogs — should Betty and Ruth's pets be allowed inside or not? — and house décor; how necessary was John and Charlie's antique furniture?

Ruth and Betty were also having relationship difficulties, and this played into the deteriorating dynamic.

There was one highlight during this time — their daughter Alice was born, this time with John as the biological father.

But the household tension eventually took its toll. The shared property was sold and each couple moved back into separate homes in Canberra.

From then on, the two children spent equal time between the two new homes.

"Ruth was heartbroken because she loved the property, and Betty was very angry I think. In one exchange she said, 'do you think this is the best thing for the kids?'" Charlie recalls.

"I said, well, I think it's much better for the kids to be brought up in two houses where there's harmony, than one where there's not."

Ruth and Betty eventually separated.

But Ruth's connection with Charlie and John remained strong, and when Alice was still a baby and Jak was nearly four, she moved in with them.

The unorthodox family of five lived together for nearly seven years. John says it worked well, and everyone in their street knew.

"We're the gay couple and lesbian with kids, and we are just like everyone else with kids," he says.

"They see us chasing the kids down the street with bikes. It's just a completely normal family."

Ruth says the kids are very fortunate to live in a community "where there's quite a high degree of acceptance".

"I think it would be quite difficult if I was to take them to live in the country town that I grew up in," she says.

"I think that most of what I saw from the kids was outrage if anyone dared say there was a problem, which is kind of normal because they adore each other, and they love their parents.

"They're protective in that regard."

Navigating painful waters

Betty maintained her contact with the children, seeing them twice a week. Her new male partner Drew was accepted into the family.

When Jak was 10 and Alice seven, Ruth decided she needed to move on from sharing the men's home.

This change of living arrangement caused great pain for everyone.

The children were living between three households. ( ABC RN: Frank Stackpool )

"It was very hard when mum moved out," Jak, now 20, recalls.

"It was like the dream of having one family in one house had shattered. I think a lot of kids go through that with any other parental split. It was hard."

The word 'custody' was raised, but with time and mediation, the family eventually resolved the impasse and moved on.

The children spent time between three houses: two dads, a single mum, and a straight couple.

"From as young as I can remember there were five main adults in my life: Betty — who we call Nan — Drew, Mum, Dad, and Papa," Alice, now 17, says.

"They are all different in their own way, but I love spending time with all of them."

'I've led a very normal lifestyle'



Last year, when Australia's gay marriage postal survey was announced, Jak decided to put a bold statement on his Facebook page.

It was very different from the one he drafted as a young teen.

He shared a photo of himself, Alice and their two fathers in Paris on a vacation in 2008.

Jak says he holds happy memories from going on holidays with family. ( ABC RN: Frank Stackpool )

"As opposed to nearly everyone else having a mum and a dad, I've always had two loving fathers and a caring gentle mother, all of whom I respect and love as parents and as outstanding people," Jak wrote.

"I've known nothing but love from all my parents and I've led a very normal, if not, very privileged lifestyle with them looking over me.

"I'll know how I'll be voting. May love win."

After 30 years together, his dads are now married.