Greetings and salutations!

EXCITEMENT and HYPE! Less than a week before Goblins and Gnomes! (unless you’re the 1%, my apologies)

To celebrate the upcoming expansion, here is a review of the shiny new Paladin class legendary: BOLVAR FORDRAGON.

You know that feeling? When you’re staring at turn-1 Undertaker as a Paladin and you’ve failed to draw that crucial zombie chow… You can pinpoint the exact moment when the player dies a little inside, it’s when he hears “Bring out your dead.”

I cry every time.

Paladins lack early-game removals and good early-game minions. Control paladins play zombie chow or just hero-power and twiddle their thumbs as the enemy deathrattle army snowballs out of control. If you have no board wipe, don’t even bother. Click that ‘concede’.

When GvG was announced, Paladin enthusiasts saw hope. Looking at Blizzard’s track record, Priest was helped out of lowish-tier when Dark Cultist was released, an unprecedented powerhouse. Nowadays in a hunter-dominated meta, deathrattle Priest is a vicious hunter-counter and Priest players everywhere rejoiced.

“It’s our turn!” Paladin players all excitedly exclaimed together. And when Bolvar Fordragon was pitted against Warlock’s Mal’Ganis in a twitter battle to determine who will be revealed. Paladin players banded together (created the best twitterbot) and Viola! Bolvar Fordragon was revealed… and oh my god, the hype was real, Ben Brode’s endorsement (HAHAHA) was well-deserved because the card is absolutely, without a doubt, unquestionably… terrible.

Let me preface by saying that the card concept is cool. Comparable to Mountain and Molten Giants, two cards with mana costs that change depending on hand-size and life total, respectively. Bolvar, on the other hand, is the first hearthstone card to have it’s attack stat increase while in your hand. “Rad” as Ben put it. But is the card viable?

Stat-wise, for Bolvar to equal Feugan (5-mana 4/7) you would need to have this card in your hand at the start and have 3 friendly minion die before turn 5. Umm…

So Paladin, a class that struggles with early-game aggression, needs to have Bolvar in it’s starting hand and have 3 friendly minions die by turn 5 just to EQUAL Fuegan’s base stats. What the…

Okay, some people might be saying “Wait a second! The card is obviously for shockadin decks. Think of the potential. It could become a 6/7 and that’s an boulderfist for 1 mana cheaper!”

Sorry to burst your bubble but even with Muster for Battle that’s a HUGE condition to fulfill. But okay, I’ll play along — turn 5, it comes out as a vanilla 6/7. You smile, press that ‘end’ turn and…

Silence. Bolvar is now back to a 1/7.

This card is awkward at best. It’s not really a 5-drop because very rarely will you be able to play it that turn and if topdecked, you get to experience a different “die a little inside” feeling. The best case scenario is that you draw into this card, sit on it for a few turns, and 5 friendly deaths later you play it as a 6/7 (or risk BGH) and then cross your fingers that it doesn’t get silenced.

So in other words, this card is pretty terrible. And as for a legendary, it’s not niche. Just terrible. Because yep, it’s not like Paladin needed a powerhouse card or anything.

Bolvar is not the Legendary card Paladin players deserve or the one they so desperately need. You don’t want him vs aggro. You don’t want to topdeck him vs control. And even if you play him when he’s doing his best boulderfist impression, a simple ‘hoot hoot’ will ensure that most 1-drops hit harder than him.

Unless Blizzard gives Paladin some form of Charge spell or Warsong Commander-esque minion in a future expansion, there’s no way he can be counted on as a reliable Leeroy-type finisher because he’s just so easily dealt with.

Looking at some of the other class legendaries **COUGH**Priest**COUGH**, Paladin players risk experiencing higher than usual sodium levels. But I hope I’m wrong, and that someone will make a Bolvar deck that will smash ladder. Until that day, Bolvar will truly reflect its text flavor as “…everyone forgets about him.”

Deck inclusion:

Paladin Control – Cut. Doesn’t bolster early-game. Bad topdeck. Silence cripples any potential value.

Paladin Aggro – Cut. Horrible topdeck. No charge.

Overall impression:

[x] – Mistakes were made.

[ ] – At least I have chicken…

[ ] – The mayor approves.

[ ] – So value. Much OP. Wow!

[ ] – This card is AMAZing!