What is Arsene Wenger doing ? I mean, I am properly worried considering Swansea, Norwich and Southampton have spent more than Arsenal in the transfer window. This certainly poses quite the conundrum if not rectified.

Every Gooner in the land held their breath when the transfer window opened. Arsenal were being linked with a succession of big named signings; Rooney, Higuain, Fellaini, Williams, Jovetic, not to mention the usual links to half the French Ligue 1 players and the infamous buy -back clause Arsenal have in place as first refusal for Cesc Fabregas. Last but certainly not least (skill-wise), Luis Suarez is rumoured to be on Wenger’s invisible radar. These are obviously expensive signings, and most of them would break the club transfer record. But why not though? The club have waved the cash in front of our noses for a while now.

Let’s dissect our so-called options:

Rooney will either stay with United, or Jose Mourinho will take great pleasure in usurping Wenger and taking Rooney to Chelsea.

Napoli have apparently had a 35m Euro bid for Gonzalo Higuain accepted by Real Madrid

had a 35m Euro bid for Gonzalo Higuain accepted by Real Madrid Marrouane Fellaini seems to have just vanished from the transfer radar altogether, which leaves some hope for me that Wenger has somehow read my previous blogs and is secretly buying the best defensive midfielder in the Premiership. So far it’s just wishful thinking on my part.

Ashley Williams has also just vanished from the transfer window, which is most worrying. Can it really be true that Arsenal FC cannot attract a player from Swansea to join us in the Champions League? There was a time almost any player not playing for a top 4 side would want to join The Mighty Arsenal, and a player from a Welsh side would have hopped down the M4 on one leg to play for Arsenal. Its embarrassing. Consider injuries to Laurent Koscielny, Thomas Vermaelen and Nacho Monreal….

Stevan Jovetic, a constant twitter rumour for Gooners to pleasure themselves by all through the close season, has now joined Manchester City . Same old story there. It’s ironic that Man City fans cannot afford Arsenal’s ticket prices, yet City can afford to buy our best players and our transfer targets – an irony I do enjoy at every opportunity. Ha.

Then there is Ce$c , the departing hero who left Arsenal to join his family at home in his native Barcelona only to find out that he does not possess the necessary DNA to fit in with the rest of his Barcelona family and can leave home again if a new foster family can pull up enough money to buy him from Barcelona.

The frightening reality is that wild horses wouldn’t drag Fabregas from the superstars of Barcelona to relive the mediocrity of Arsenal. Barca are just that good, and Arsenal are, well, stuck between an international power and a good team. But if the Dinero was right, he could renew his very potent partnership with Robin Van Persie up at Manchester United , every Gooner’s nightmare, yet a very distinct possibility.

That leaves our list of potential star signings with the highly unlikely prospect of Wenger doubling Arsenal’s transfer record fee to sign the most complex loose cannon since Ballotelli found Guy Fawkes taking a shower in his bathroom. I would be shocked if Real Madrid do not use their Higuain money to sign Suarez, And I am pretty positive Suarez would prefer Madrid to Arsenal, Spain to England, and Ronaldo to Gervinho.

So now that I have completed the reality check, who are we going to sign?

All the talk of signing all of these star strikers, yet once again our defence is in disarray. Not only is Vermaelen’s morale shot to pieces, he is currently injured. Djourou is useless and out on loan, Squillaci has finally been sold, leaving who to learn the art of zonal marking? Jorge Miguel, the gentle giant?

And to be honest, the jury’s still out for me on Per Mertesaker. He’s woeful in the air and painfully slow . Gibbs will spend his requisite 3 months out with an in-growing toe nail, while Monreal is still adapting to the Premiership – I hope.

In midfield, we lack a defensive midfielder. Diaby, when not injured (which is almost never), never plays two games the same, Frimpong has not evolved, Roscisky when fully fit is great, until he is not fully fit. Wilshere when fully fit could be anything. The kid’s great, but injury prone, and needs protection from a defensive midfielder.

Arsenal have only 2 goal keepers following the departure of Mannone to Sunderland, and both have severe question marks over their consistency and their capabilities.

It’s interesting that all the talk has been about strikers yet we are still top-heavy with 10 registered strikers . Okay, Park, Bendtner, Chamakh, Myachi, Cambell, and Gervhinio are liabilities, and we haven’t a clue about Ya Ya Sanongo , but Podolski, Walcott, Giroud, and the OX can still do a reasonable job. We do need to add a marquee striker, but what’s the point when we cannot defend?

So who are we going to sign? The situation is critical, and Arsenal’s current squad is the weakest and sadly the poorest I can remember. Unless Wenger has got a master plan that is not just feeding us a load of bull until the window closes, Arsenal fans will have the worst season that I can remember. Don’t listen to the eternal optimists claiming 8 wins in the last 10 matches – who cares, the season isn’t 10 matches long!

Now then, is it me, or is it possible that Wenger is up to his old trick of waiting to see if Arsenal qualify for the Champions League proper before spending any real money? He did it the last time we finished 4th. Only after we beat Udinese to qualify for the group stages, then we lost 8-2 to Manchester United did Wenger panic buy Arteta, Mertasaker, and Santos. Or was that a coincidence?

We have gotten rid of a lot of players generating over £20m in cash onto the balance sheet. This is instead of selling a couple of our best players as is the norm for this time of year. Maybe I’m being too cynical, but it feels like a classic case of Wenger balancing the books then seeing what happens after looking like he has been trying to sign the world’s top strikers.

This should pacify the supporters for making no real signings at all, but delight the Board with yet another profitable year, especially as Wenger’s bumper contract is up for renewal and PSG and Madrid now have new managers in place.

These are only my own personal theories of course, but some of them have some solid foundations based on our past experiences of Wenger’s endless mind games, which eventually fool only him.

Most Gooners have become paranoid because of our recent treatment by Wenger, so we end up coming up with theories such as I have. But the real facts are without money spent on new real marquee players, this current squad will not be challenging for anything. And as for the Champions League, I’m sure you’re having a laugh just thinking about it!

Richie Rich

Thanks for Reading, you can follow me on twitter @R1chierichguner as well as our other massive Gooners – @RoryHarbaugh and @TonyNYGooner.. Give the site a follow while you’re at it – @LastWordOnSports.

Feel free to discuss this and other footy related articles with thousands of fans at r/football.

Interested in writing for LastWordOnSports? Find more info at our “Join Our Team” page.