The Cristo Redentor statue in Rio De Janeiro Photo: CFP





It is no longer strange to see gays or lesbians "coming out" just as it's no longer strange to admit publicly that you are Christian in China. But Christians who are gay or lesbian still face major conflicts if they try to come out while maintaining their religious affiliations.



Roy Zeng is a gay Christian in Shanghai. Working for a US-based consumer electronics and software company in Pudong, the 27-year-old looks like anyone else. He met the Global Times on a Sunday afternoon after attending a religious service for gay and lesbian Christians.



Born in Jiangxi Province, Zeng discovered his sexual orientation was not the same as the other boys in high school. After a while he realized he was gay.



When Zeng was studying in Shaanxi Province, he found a small church near his university. He was drawn to the church by the sound of singing within. The people in the church welcomed him and invited him to return, which he did. It was there he began to learn about Christianity.



Baptized in New Zealand



After graduating, Zeng went to Shenzhen for work and later moved to New Zealand. He kept attending church even though he moved around and in 2007 he was baptized in a Chinese church in New Zealand.



But as he learned more about his faith he found himself conflicted as he encountered Christian viewpoints that opposed homosexual practices of any sort.



Most gay and lesbian Christians like Zeng are invisible in churches in China. Many hide their sexual orientations even from fellow worshippers.



"When people in the church denigrate gays, I feel very uncomfortable. But I can't tell them the truth. The last thing I want is for them to know I am gay," Zeng said.



He said that when gay or lesbian Christians tried approaching ministers or others in the church and revealed their sexual orientation and their struggles, the reaction was usually disappointing.



"They get shocked. A few accept it but most don't and they would tell me it was a sin according to the Bible and I needed to confess. Sometimes we would be told not to come to church anymore if we didn't repent," Zeng said.



One gay Christian described his frustrations after he had shared his personal crisis with his church group leader: "He just told me not to think about it anymore.



"How could I not think about it? I came to him because it was really troubling me. It's like you ask people who are bleeding not to think about the bleeding. "



Endured in silence



More often, church leaders don't have any practical advice and they don't follow up. "I felt I was being tortured and I had to endure this completely in silence," the man said.



Zeng has now reconciled his belief and his sexuality in his own way. "I think God created me this way and he accepts me so I just have to accept myself too. "



Lacking support in their churches, many homosexual Christians struggling to live with their faith have found other ways to keep their beliefs and their sexuality.



In 2009 some gay Christians launched a gay Christian worship group, the "Rainbow Witness Fellowship" in Beijing. It has now spread to a dozen other cities across the country.



"The purpose of this fellowship is to tell struggling homosexual Christians that God is with them and we are with them. They are not alone," Zeng told the Global Times.



In 2012, the founder of the Rainbow Witness Fellowship moved to Shanghai and started a fellowship here. Zeng has been involved in this fellowship since he arrived in Shanghai in 2013. The fellowship has regular gatherings on Sunday with participants from all over the city.



Zeng said although most of the fellowship members attended their own churches in the morning, at the afternoon gatherings they got together to pray and sing. Last month, after the fatal shootings in the Orlando gay nightclub, Zeng and other members had a special meeting to pray for the lost souls there.



Every Tuesday and Thursday evening, Zeng and his fellow Christian friends gather in homes for Bible study and prayers. Before they start praying they have dinner and read and discuss the scriptures. Last Tuesday they talked about "What the gospel is and how can we share the good news with others?"



A group of women hold rainbow umbrellas to celebrate the International Day against Homophobia. Photo: IC



Accepted and understood



"We feel accepted and understood here," one member of the Shanghai Rainbow Witness fellowship told the Global Times.



But other gay Christians have adopted a different approach. Wang Ping (pseudonym) knew he was gay but disliked his sexual orientation even from his days in high school. After his mother converted to Christianity he also adopted the faith but he kept his sexuality secret from his family and his friends in the church.



"The more I read the scriptures, it was obvious to me that God didn't like homosexual behaviors and it was wrong according to his rules. I can't cheat on myself if I want to be a Christian and maintain a gay lifestyle at the same time," Wang said.



As he grew in his beliefs, he realized he had to deal with his conflict. "On the one hand I do like boys more than girls, but, in my heart I also want to have a family," Wang told the Global Times. At that time he was trying to date a girl.



Five years ago Wang heard about the New Creation Association, a Hong Kong organization that helps people in his situation struggling with faith and sexual orientation.



"The counselors there helped me a lot and the biggest thing I gained was becoming able to open myself to others - beforehand I used to shy from revealing my thoughts to people," Wang said.



After returning from Hong Kong, Wang began following the advice of the New Creation counselors. To his then girlfriend (later they married), his closest male friend and his pastor he admitted his sexuality.



"It took a great deal of courage to tell them I was gay. But I had to, because this was the key for me to move forward and to let them become the pillars of my rebuilding my gender awareness," Wang said.



But his concerns were unfounded. Wang's wife and the others accepted his "coming out" and didn't abandon or reject him.



Wang got married and is now a father of a 4-year-old child. "Maybe compared to other couples, our marriage didn't start in a very romantic way, but it was still possible for us to achieve happiness in the end," Wang said.



A special blessing



Wang said he has never complained about God making him gay. "Actually I see my sexual orientation as a special blessing to let me rely on him more deeply. Without the faith, I couldn't be who I am today," Wang said.



Peter (how he asked to be identified) has been a counselor with the New Creation Association for more than a decade, helping gays and lesbians adjust to their sexual orientation and religion.



"Our goal is to help people learn about homosexuality and clarify misunderstandings, and to help homosexuals in their struggles and conflicts. After years of this work, we know it is possible to change your life with love and care," he said.



A former gay Christian himself, Peter thinks most Chinese churches know very little about homosexuals let alone having any experience of coping with them. "This is something they really need to improve," he said.



According to the American author and theologian Dr James B. Nelson, there are four main approaches to gay and lesbian Christians in the church today: rejection, where gay people are told to leave the church; control, where they are asked to avoid homosexual activity but they are not excluded; partial acceptance, where they are asked to lead moral and responsible lives; and total acceptance.



Peter said most churches in China belonged in the rejection category "Most gay or lesbian Christians choose to stay but they live with two 'faces' - good Christians in the church and unrestrained free people outside the church. This is wrong," he said.



Unavoidable



Professor Lo Ping-cheung, the director of the Centre for Applied Ethics at the Hong Kong Baptist University said: "The church can't avoid the issue of homosexuality and turn a blind eye and stay in its comfort zone, ignoring the needs of gay and lesbian Christians any longer."



Both Lo and Peter agreed there was much room for Chinese church to improve and it was a special challenge for them to keep faith in their teachings while showing sympathetic pastoral care for gay and lesbian Christians.



"In the Bible, we can see that God loves everyone, no matter whether they are gay or not. That is the most important thing," Lo said.