Over a year ago, I was asking questions about mixed-race and male Asian identity, out of concern for my 2 half-Chinese sons. I started by asking about Hollywood whitewashing and bias against Asian men, but I was introduced to something much darker. I was warned about how easily half-Asians will feel inadequate, insecure and depressed. In particular, boys born from white male - Asian female (WMAF) relationships can become very turbulent, if their parents gave them bad messages.

There's a community of half-Asians, or hapas, who are making sweeping statements about how all white men who date (and marry and have kids with) Asian women, are racist beta losers who like bossing around weak Asian women. And the Asian women are white-worshiping sycophants with a hatred for men of their own race.

Anyway, this subculture is getting a lot of exposure in China now, and their stories are doing the rounds in Chinese online chitchat. Naturally because it serves the "don't date foreigners" narrative, it's becoming increasingly popular. Possibly actively promoted by the state, even. Chances are some insecure characters will gleefully confront your partner with the intentionally hurtful judgements. Don't be surprised if your partner gets blindsided by these stories one day. They are presented in a matter-of-factly way that resonates with Chinese.

I had a hard time getting the story out of my wife's head, even despite all the numerous ways we do not adhere to the stereotypes. My wife was so worried that our kids would end up feeling depressed and worthless, like this community of bitter hapas.

The main strength of the story, is that it's a half-truth myopically expanded and presented as a whole truth. Frequently true is assumed to be always true, to service the egos of those who perpetuate the story, validating their simple, self-serving world view.

I went online to talk to one of these hapas through his blog. Some of what I read was alarmingly true: There are white men who date Asian women because it makes them feel powerful to boss around a weaker, submissive woman. And there are men who resort to Asian women because they have trouble dating western women back home, instead taking advantage of novelty and popularity of foreigners in a homogenous country. There are men who date Asian women while professing the racial superiority of white people. All of that does occur, and the hapa I spoke with was the unhappy product of such a relationship.

But stuff gets thrown around randomly. Asian women who chose a white partner, get accused of never being attracted to Asian men, ever.

" Literally ask any Asian woman about this and she will admit to have attempted to cause as much pain as possible to an Asian man in her youth through her words and actions."

This is rarely true. It seems more like angsty, teenage projection than anything realistic.

During the brief moments the notion of a non-alt-right, more progressive, left-wing white male existing in a relationship, it is declared inconsequential:

“And to the left, well, most left-wing White men are still White men after all – they just go with the flow as long as it benefits them.”

Which is complete contradictory nonsense, since a major part of the guy's blog was to establish that white men with Asian women were all racial supremacists. But when they aren't, it doesn't matter. Really?! Reality bends but the narrative does not!

So, what do you do, when faced with this monstrous tale devaluing your relationship and children, and which is probably already troubling your partner?

I can only relay what I did, and warn that it is slow but effective.

I'm not Chinese, I can't go on Chinese internet and engage in a battle of words with the wumaos and other culprits who disseminate the xenophobic narrative. Neither do I know how to appeal emotionally in a way that hits home as effectively as these hatchet jobs do.

But you can go down the fact checklist.

When you have some assertions that were made, generalizations, you can compare your relationship with the stereotype.

Go down the list with your partner, assess honestly if you share any traits with the comically exaggerated stereotype. There should be enough differences to reassure your partner that your children are not doomed to repeat the misery these hapas feel.

- Do you identify with the alt-right?

- Do you prefer white women, but like the submissiveness of Asian women?

- Did you find an Asian woman because the women back home are hard to get, of keep hold of?

- Does your wife worship white men?

- Has she never been attracted to an Asian guy, ever?

- Does she dislike her child(ren)'s Asian features?

and so on and so forth.

In my case, I could go through the major points step by step with my wife, and it became increasingly clear we are not like this stereotype at all. It still took her a while to completely let go of the story.

You can find a blog at longingfordeath.wordpress.com

It's only viewable upon request, though

It serves as an excellent example of what goes on in the troubled mind of one of these turbulent hapas.