In a recent Weekend Life story, The Gazette’s Lesley Chesterman enumerated 20 pet peeves she has about the restaurant experience, collected over her 15 years of reviewing restaurants.

Inspired by her column, two servers who work in Montreal-area restaurants have come up with their own list of grievances about restaurant customers and their behaviour.

1. Stop trying to make us laugh with old, clichéd jokes:

Don’t hand your waiter an empty plate and say “I didn’t like it.”

Don’t point to someone at the table (usually your wife or a child) and say “they’ll take the bill.”

Don’t come in with a baby and say “a table for two and a half.”

While your credit card is being processed don’t say “If it doesn’t go through, do I have to wash the dishes?”

We hear these jokes multiple times a week, and every time that we have to pretend to laugh at them a piece of our soul dies.

2. Allergies and intolerances and gluten free, oh my!

Everybody these days seems to have some form of dietary restriction, and servers are constantly hearing about new allergies and intolerances — and don’t get me started on gluten free! The scene below happens in some form or another all the time:

Client: I’m allergic to nuts.

Server: Well the plate you ordered has nuts in it. Would you like something else?

Client: No I’ll still take it.

Server: Great! Do you have any other allergies that you made up?

3. Can we have a booth?

“A booth please.” “We would like a booth.” “Is that booth available?” Why are people so obsessed with booths? You’re going to be here an hour at the most. Just sit at the table and eat your food.

4. Don’t snap your fingers at your waiter. EVER.

Please remember that we are servers not servants. Nor are we dogs.

5. Pay attention to what you are ordering.

Very often people don’t read the menu descriptions or are unaware of what they ordered and then blame the waiter for bringing the wrong item. We then have to return the plate to the kitchen and get in trouble with the cooks, our manager and the owner because of your mistake.

In your eyes it’s always the server’s fault but let’s look at this logically. Who is more likely to make a mistake? You, who have never seen the menu before and don’t know what you’re talking about? Or us, who work at the restaurant every day (sometimes for years), who know the menu inside and out and who wrote down exactly what you said? I think the person with the written documentation of the conversation is probably the one who is right.

6. Coming in to eat 10 minutes before closing.

Most restaurants require the servers to accept clients up until the minute before closing. Please have some common courtesy and don’t arrive in an empty restaurant two minutes before closing and order dinner, especially if it’s a well-done filet mignon with a bottle of wine.

7. Control your kids.

Don’t be an inattentive parent who lets their child(ren) run wild, tripping servers, disturbing other tables and running into the kitchen, while you enjoy a nice conversation at your table. We’re not daycare workers and as much as we pretend, we don’t like your kids.