Dear Nick

Next week you will be turning 21. Wow. 21 years ago I was the happiest mom-to-be ever ( and possibly the largest LOL). Seems like yesterday! I was so happy to be having my firstborn baby, your dad and I were so excited and couldn’t wait to see you and hold you in our arms. We didn’t yet know if you were a boy or a girl, we preferred to be surprised. When you arrived we were ecstatic, and you were perfect!

21 years have passed and this week as I reflect on these years, I am filled with so many indescribable thoughts. There are so many “what if’s”.. What if I knew then what I know now, that all those high fevers, ear infections, “stomach flus”, rashes, and never-ending courses of antibiotics were not just a “normal part of childhood” as the doctors said, but signs of autism. Many sleepless nights, tears, and difficult years lay ahead.

I am feeling so many emotions this week, but mostly I am proud and in awe of you. So proud of you and all that you have managed to accomplish, against all odds. When we first found out that you had ASD the doctors and the teachers told us you would never finish high school, just forget about it. Drive a car? No Way! Hold down a job? Never! Live independently? Haha. They looked at us as if we were from Mars. Thank God we didn’t just go home and accept it. Thank God. Thank God I married a fine man! Your dad is the best in the whole wide world, Nick!

We decided that we had to fight. And fight we did. We did whatever was humanly possible to give you a fighting chance. A chance at life. The best chance possible. Doctors. So many doctors. Out of country, out-of-pocket! Up all night on “Google University”! Checking out every new “Miracle Cure”. Specialists. Special schools. Stool tests. Hair samples. Therapists. Tutors. Home school. Special Diets. Drugs. Herbs. Vitamins. Supplements. Injections. Brain scans. And endless blood draws. “Leave no stone unturned” was my mantra. There are those who called us crazy. If going to the ends of the earth for your child is crazy, then I am guilty as charged. But I forgive them, after all only a parent with a special child could ever begin to understand.

Fast forward a decade. Look at you now! You are the sweetest, most polite young man most will ever meet. And have I mentioned Handsome? 😉 Far more importantly, you are considerate, conscientious, hardworking, OMG, so hardworking! Dedicated to trying your best at everything you do. Easy to please, always thinking of others before yourself. You defied the odds, Nick! You graduated high school. You got your driver’s licence. I will never forget how your face lit up like a lightbulb when you came running to me with your license in hand, having just passed your road test! I know how hard you worked for that! You hold down a job. Take that, you know-it-all teachers and doctors – you don’t get to play God! My son will live independently, of that I am 100% sure, thank you very much. Yes, I’m still angry, and my heart still aches when I think of what might have been. But I never have to worry about you getting into trouble, drinking, partying, or coming home late, driving drunk, speeding, cause I know what a stickler for the rules you are!

Your positive attitude and kindness make you a delight to be around. Above all, you are HAPPY. What more can any mother ask than that their children grow up to be happy, decent, kind, hardworking, productive human beings? Playing the best hand with the cards they’ve been dealt?

Happy Birthday, my darling son. You’ve taught me more about life than you will ever know. I’m so proud of the young man you’ve become. And I’m glad, so glad, that God chose me to be your mom.

Love, Mom