Here's Demba Ba in March:

"My agent has spoken to the club about a departure and he has started speaking with other clubs about a contract for next year." "I hope we can find the best option possible. I'd like to stay in England. I like other leagues, too. I'd like to try the Italian league"

Here's Demba Ba in April:

"I'm looking to leave Chelsea. I want to play the full 90 minutes, get the maximum number of games and enjoy myself. I've not done that very much this season, and I doubt things will change for me here."

And now, here's Demba Ba in May:

"Jose Mourinho has asked me to stay at Chelsea next season. He assured me that my situation would change. I see this as my reward from God. I weighed up the pros and cons, and think that I will stay put to see what happens." "I don't know whether my situation will improve, but what with the coach's offer anything can happen. I want to play a lot of matches, and I think that will be the case for me." -Demba Ba; source: Sun via Daily Star

Wait, what? So he's NOT leaving? AND he's going to play a lot of matches? Unless these quotes are made up, he's done a full 180 because Mourinho (finally?) whispered a few sweet nothings into his ear. Which, to be fair, is probably enough to make most men change their minds.

While I'm happy for the Vanquisher of PSG and Liverpool that he gets to kick it with his buddy Eden Hazard for a bit longer, the bigger story here may be just what Ba's latest prophecy foretells about the futures of Messrs. Fernando Torres and Romelu Lukaku. For if Ba truly is staying, and we are indeed getting that long-promised world class center forward, then either Torres or Lukaku (or perhaps even both) are surplus to requirements and are leaving either permanently or (once again) on loan. And there's no way Torres is leaving because it's not my birthday yet. So it must be Lukaku because life sucks. Gah!

Sorry about all the conditionals, I find this whole new brave world of Demba Ba, Chelsea player for at least one more season very confusing.

Why can't you be more specific with your feedback, Mr. Oracle?!