Some people feel uneasy at the thought of having intercourse while pregnant – but experts say that no, you won’t hurt your foetus or baby during coitus. Sex is possible, and even encouraged, during term.

Easing pain, lowering blood pressure, improving sleep, and bettering your baby (by exposing it to fewer stress hormones) are all benefits of having sex while pregnant.

But what about certain fetishes? Will your sexual preferences have to take a break for nine months? Will whips and handcuffs have to be packed away and placed on the back burner during a pregnancy?

In the frivolous but well known film Fifty Shades of Grey, Anastasia Steele is pictured wearing a tight corset. She’s also pregnant. For many, the scene was a shock. And while there are a string of issues and misconceptions about BDSM illustrated in the film franchise, this scene did bring up important questions surrounding the health and safety precautions during BDSM scenes.




Because, after all, kinksters do get pregnant.

Pregnancy, whether you’re kinky or not, shouldn’t get rid of your sex life and it definitely doesn’t have to pause your participation in scenes.

Like the basic foundations of any type of scene – heavy or light activities – communication, trust, and understanding are all essential foundational guidelines of BDSM 101.

Metro.co.uk asked Raquel Botelho, or The Millionaire Sexpert (whose podcast launches soon), for her advice on BDSM and pregnancy. She tells us that a pregnant woman can slowly continue what she was practicing before she was pregnant into her term.

Of course, light BDSM is recommended over the heavy stuff for a pregnant person (if they are the sub). It’s important to note that absolutely no rope or tight constraints should be around the abdominal area.

‘If she can endure anything else that’s not causing her stress than go for it,’ advises Raquel. ‘For instance spanking, humiliation, novelty play etc.’

Worship, foot fetish, safe sex play, nipple clamps, spanking on the face or buttocks, and flogging are all great types of BDSM. If the pregnant person is the dom, then any activity that isn’t too strenuous on the body can be easily practised.

Intense BDSM would include restrictions around the neck, or stomach, which can affect breathing or confine the stomach too tightly. Pain can be pleasure, but when a foetus is involved, all passageways should be open and breathable and the stomach should be free of any rope or bondage.

To accommodate the baby belly, the dom should realize that there may be a difference in pain threshold. Some sex positions may be more uncomfortable – for example, staying in a position for too long, especially if one is tied up, can become painful.

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

This is why establishing guidelines is pertinent, as things may change from when a couple originally participated in scenes pre-baby bump.

Swelling of the ankles or wrists happens during pregnancy, so bondage around these areas should be monitored. The most important aspects of establishing guidelines between you and your partner are boundaries, safe words, and the importance of reinforcing empowerment. If the pregnant person is the sub, then their partner should support their decision in whatever environment they find comfortable.



Pregnancy will vary what a couple can do as the body changes.

For example, nipple clamps seem harmless enough, but for a pregnant person this type of play can be incredibly painful. The breasts become very sensitive, especially during the third trimester, which can make clamps unneccessary.

Nipple stimulation is also known to induce labor which is why it is discouraged for pregnant people who are between 34 to 39 weeks pregnant. Dr. Corey Babb, an OBGYN and Professor at Oklahoma State University tells us: ‘Aggressive nipple play should be avoided, as nipple stimulation can cause the release of oxytocin, a contraction-causing hormone, from the brain.’

But this isn’t an umbrella rule for everyone. For other people with breasts, nipple clamps are even more pleasurable than before.

Being cautious with breast play is important and it’s recommended to test out one clamp at a time. If you’re 39 weeks pregnant and looking for that induction, clamp on those nipple accessories and pack your hospital bag.

‘We always establish a safe word,’ says Amber* a pregnant woman who practises light BDSM. ‘That’s always been something that we have incorporated into sexual relationship though, pregnant or not.’

Amber and her partner have been together five years and are four months into their pregnancy. She tells us that she made sure to discuss her preferences with a physician when she found out she was pregnant.

‘We have never been into extreme impact play, but I was worried about light asphyxiation or tight corsets being a problem,’ she tells us. ‘Before [my pregnancy] we never worried about it – anything was game.


‘But now, we have to have conversations about what is introduced into the bedroom and honestly, it’s made us much closer sexually. ‘

(Picture: Erin Aniker for Metro.co.uk)

Dr. Babb tells us: ‘Consent and discussion about planned activities are honestly the most important things a partner can do during a scene. Taking breaks, and being flexible with activities if they’re too painful or restraining goes a long way in ensuring safety for the pregnant partner.’

When asked if a person should let their doctor know about their BDSM practises, Raquel Botelho says: ‘Absolutely. A pregnant woman should be honest with her health care provider with the kind of play she is consensually engaging in.’

She explains, ‘It’s important to have a connection with a health care provider who is aware of what BDSM is and how fun, safe, exciting, healthy, and fulfilling it can be for a pregnant woman to engage in with the right partner.’

‘The vast majority of providers out there won’t have a clue about BDSM practices during pregnancy, as there are currently no official guidelines from speciality societies (such as the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, or the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists),’ adds Dr Babb. ‘The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom website does have a listing of Kink Aware and Kink Friendly providers, so that can be a good source of information for pregnant women wanting to learn more.’

Botelho also advises that the couple should be educated in BDSM protocol. As pregnancy ‘alters a woman’s body temperature, scent can become very sensitive, as well as emotions’.


‘I’d suggest she only play with a long term partner who has earned her trust as a sub/bottom so she knows she and her unborn child will be safe no matter how deep they get into the scene,’ explains Botelho. ‘Her partner should be well educated in the intricacies of BDSM play and practise safe, sane, and consensual power exchange.’

Dr. Babb adds: ‘Pregnant women, especially ones close to delivery, have a different center of gravity, so keeping the floor free of anything that might cause tripping or stumbling is a good idea.’ He also says that lying face down, the insertion of objects not intended for sexual activity, and erotic asphyxiation should all be avoided during pregnancy.

Both partners in the scene should also be knowledgeable of CPR, First Aid, as well as understanding room temperature, hydration, and understanding body language.

If you and your partner have been uusing BDSM into your sex lives before your pregnancy, these should be the foundation of each scene. Safety precautions are a top priority. Setting limits for one another, which include a hard limit (absolutely ‘no’) or soft limit (flexible), should be decided and discussed before any scene.

This is especially important for pregnant couples, and ‘hard limits’ should be understood fully by everyone involved.

Botelho explains that when a sub gets in their sub space, it can be ‘difficult for the sub/slave to communicate discomfort.’ Sub space is when a bottom or sub experiences an emotional and psychological response due to adrenaline and endorphins. Extreme euphoria, loss of speech and control, are all signs of sub space.

This is why safe words are so crucial. For some people in BDSM, the traffic light system is the basic form of communication. ‘Yellow’ means slow down, ‘Red’ means stop, and ‘green’ means keep going. Since ‘no’ or ‘stop’ may be used in a role-play scenario, the traffic light lingo can be a strong option. The dom should always check in with the sub to ensure that everything is going well.

After a scene, aftercare for both the dom and the sub are important and can be utilized physically by taking a bath or shower together, wrapping a blanket around the sub, refueling with food and water, and giving a massage. Emotional aftercare includes expressing emotions, talking about what you liked or didn’t like, cuddling, and talking intimately.

If a pregnant person is very experienced with impact play, light sensual play will have to be a substitute for the time being. But this doesn’t mean a scene has to be limited.

‘Light sensual play can consist of a wide array of experience ranging from and not limited to physical sensory play, tactile sensation play, olfactory play, light bondage (being aware of acupressure points and health issues prior to engaging in play), psycho dramatic/mental play, role playing, teasing and denial, and the list goes on,’ says Botelho.

In short, bondage and BDSM are acceptable during pregnancy, as long as it’s a subdued version of your previous activities.

More attention, more communication, and more silk, less rope, are advised when practicing kink while pregnant. Being pregnant means you’re going to have to adapt — in all parts of your life — and your sex life may be one of those things. Incorporating softer materials, avoiding hard smacking or flogging on the stomach, and eliminating any intense BDSM (fire, electro, air restriction) are all recommended during your nine months.

If you’re the sub, focus on your body and listen to what feels comfortable. Make sure that the dom understands what is completely off limits, and never confines the face, neck, or stomach.

Don’t ignore warning signs where you may feel light headed, intense discomfort or sensations that are bothersome. And remember to communicate, check in with one another, and create a safe word — whether you’re practicing BDSM or not.

For all my kinksters, don’t let your whips collect dust. Because being pregnant doesn’t mean you can’t keep having fun.

*names have been changed.

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