Tonight’s battle is brought to you by the good people who make that ice coffee drink I like so much. Can’t remember the name now.

The contenders!

Peter (me): Ninjas

Alkira: Mimes

Brendan (newbie): Woodland Friends

As you might be aware we like to mix up the rules to make each game unique. This games special rule revolves around objectives you must complete to win the game. It’ll all make sense soon enough…

Below, the map, now with roads!

My perspective below shows a train station and a bike shop. The other end the town’s public pool (also known as the town’s public urinal).

My rolls won out, so I go first. Ninja’s are a great team to play with, when not around other ninja’s they move further and strike harder.

This is Brendan’s first Brikwars game and gets the hang of it pretty quick. His first move involves his ewok travelling to the coffee shop for a well earned break.

The Woodland Friends move on to claiming Mr and Mrs Collateral’s dream house.

Akira’s favourite team at the moment are the Mimes. You might remember her using them in past battles such as Lounge room vs Kitchen.

The Woodland friend’s team ability is to climb anything without the need for ladders, stair etc.

As I’ve already said, Brendan’s new to this game, so it’s puzzling to me why he would be so interested in the BBQ.

It’s vehicle hour! Alkira’s Mime secures a bicycle and the Woodland Friends a very sporty convertible.

With the current rules each player starts with a home base that can be destroyed. Here we see the Woodland Friend’s heroic unit ‘Old Naked Guy’ hanging around to defend his special parts. It’s a hard job, but someone has to stick up the guts to get left behind. Here he stands tall, a hard, ridged pillar of honour.

Now Brendan’s ewok takes the cooked chicken leg from the BBQ. This truly is a fantastic move.

I hate the Mime’s team ability which is to create invisible walls wherever they stand. Below is a good example of how to use them. Alkira seems to be mighty determined to boost the defense of her home base. This leads everyone to automatically assume one of her objective cards is to keep it from being destroyed.

The responsibility of leading an army into battle proves too much for Le Dink the Clown, so he retires to the privy to no doubt play iPhone games and engage in other activities.

About 3 turns in and finally we get some destruction, and what an opener too. A Mime throws a stick of dynamite into the bike shop detonating the Priceless Ming vase and blowing up the entire top level.

Thankfully my Ninja manages to dodge the falling debris. This also earns Alkira the game’s first points. She’s completed the objective card ‘Destroy the Priceless Ming Vase’. Great work Alkira, you suck. My Ninja that was sheltering in the building now has a bad case of the ‘ded’.

The reason why is that I needed that building for some nefarious plot, so my Ninja’s respond in probably the coolest way possible.

As you will see below, that Mime has a bad case of head separation anxiety.

Brendan’s strange and erratic manoeuvres are starting to make what appears to be sense. He’s used the BBQ to light his bow and arrows on fire! And what’s he done with that chicken leg? It appears as if he’s used it to convince that bird to fly him around the map. Friends of the forest unite! …to kill other friends of the forest…

Allkira’s Mime seems to be a little upset that the pool water is far too cold for swimming.

The ewok that stopped earlier for coffee doesn’t seem to be interested in all the killing and what not, but below is seen in a light prang with my Ninja’s taxi. Irritated, the Ewok throws his cup of coffee onto my Ninja’s taxi and dislodges the wheel.

The taxi veers off the road, hits the coffee shop and bursts into flames. It looks as if this is going to get ugly as the altercation spills onto the street. Thankfully these two hardened warriors of war are looking to avoid any sort of violent conflict and settle their differences by exchanging insurance information.

…then an ewok lights a bush on fire.

Le Dink takes time out of his ‘busy’ ‘schedule’ (toilet) to shoot my Ninja in the abdomen causing him to die from severe blood loss. I’m thinking the pool water might be a little warmer now.

My retaliation is swift and my Ninja fires on the stolen motorbike detonating the gas tank, blowing a Mime to smithereens.

It’s not all good news however. Despite being good citizens our two involved in the road incident earlier have discovered they took far too long exchanging information and taking photos of the damaged vehicles that the taxi has exploded killing them both.

Do Ewoks feel pain? Baby don’t hurt me…no more.

To the skis! I mean, the skies! Brendan’s alliance with random bird has paid off and up into the air they go. The tactical advantage this gives the Woodland team is immense and Brendan uses his new position…to light a tree on fire.

It all makes sense soon enough (although it did the second he burnt down the first tree), but Brendan has earned his first round of points.

The Ninja assault on the Mimes continue.

Old Naked Guy’s special ability, dangly parts, doesn’t save him from getting an arrow…to his dangly parts. Sorry old man, I need your dead body!

The Woodland Friends counter is swift and my Ninja’s head is promptly removed from his body and is placed calmly atop the coffee shop.

Below is the first we’ve seen of the Ninja hero, Master Hentai. Both units carve up the enemy Mimes while taking a little dip at the same time. War does get a little sweaty after all.

Remember Brendan’s upper hand? Well his position in the sky is lost when the bird drops the chicken leg and the Ewok as well. Both fall in the water but manage to avoid the Ninja’s long point sticks (also known as swords)

Egad only three units left!

I think the Woodland Friends have only made a single frag by this point in the game. You can understand why as Brendan keeps doing things like: Start digging in the veggie garden in the vain attempt to find a stick of dynamite.

The destruction so far…

Another ewok falls..

My Ninja’s close in on Alkira’s home base. One of my objectives this game is destroy one, although unknown to me (although I guess it’s kind of obvious now) Alkira’s card said to keep her base intact.

My Ninja gets flanked resulting in a tree full of blood.

It looks like the Mime base is unguarded.

I know you’re all dying find out what happened to Brendan’s ewok. DYING. Well, he dug himself a whole and now he can’t get out. What an idiot.

What an epic face off! The Mime hero Le Dink the clown verses Master Hentai and his golden sword. No amount of invisible walls can save them here, as my Master Hentai’s hero ability is to prevent the use of other teams using their abilities (because he keeps touching himself inappropriately).

Alkira’s last chance to save her hero was lost when she failed to redshirt…as a result, Le Dink is no more.

This brings us to the new point system again, as both Alkira and Brendan fail their objectives in the same turn.

The ewok built new legs out of sand!

Alkira’s second last Mime makes a mad dash for something unknown, cleverly creating an invisible wall to walk over the fire left behind from her attack earlier.

The Mime base falls…over…(it’s dead)

One of my cards asks me to drag an enemy hero’s dead body back to base. My Ninja attempts to make off with the Old Naked Guy…

…only to be shot in the back by an ewok.

Brendan who now realises what I’m trying to do tries to blow up my home base but fails. How embarrassing!

So I next try to drag Le Dink back to base. Without going in to specifics, the below Mime eventually gets ‘sworded’…

Things heat up as the show down of the century is about to take place.

Armed with a traffic light ripped from the ground, the ewok makes one last ditch attempt to stop me bringing Le Dink’s body home, resulting in me winning the game.

The ewok takes one last sip of coffee before charging into battle.

Sadly his valiant efforts to thwart my hero were not enough. He falls, but the fuzzy bear like thing will forever be in our memories as the bravest – and dumbest – unit to ever siege someone’s base with no back up or plan B.

Landing Le Dink at my Base gives me enough points to win. For what I believe to be the first time since the Battle for Bananafish, I have won a game of Brikwars. We’re talking about a 10 year drought here people, so I’m pretty stoked.

See below my winning cards.

The Mimes are still gunning for a participation award I think.

Final overview of the destruction.

And of course the maneuvers for the game:

That’s it for another battle! Brendan did a great job I think for his first time. As you can see above he really got into the swing of things moving really far from his home base. Alkira, even thought being a seasoned brikwars veteran, unfortunately got bottle-necked at the pool while my ninja’s had far more cover early on.

Don’t forget to discuss on the Brikwars forums or on reddit.