There is a conspiracy to destroy Syria, fear the jihadis and jihadi-wannabes on one of the internet's most prominent extremist forums. Pose as they might as enemies, the U.S. will team up with Iran to take advantage of the Syrian civil war.

"With time, everyone will be exhausted, all weapons in Syria will be destroyed, and all signs of civilization will be obliterated and cast back to what existed before the Stone Age," predicts a thread on the password-protected Shumukh forum, one of the major jihadist warrens of the internet. "Thus will the path be paved for direct and indirect military intervention in Syria, and for redrawing the map in accordance with the wishes of the Zionist-Crusader-Zoroastrian alliance."

In case you're not familiar with the language of Sunni jihadi conspiracy theorists, "Zionist-Crusader-Zoroastrian alliance" refers to the U.S., Israel and Iran, which to all outward appearances are foes, not least of which because Iran identifies Israel and the United States as its main foes. Oh, and the key media organ of this unlikely entente is the "lying channel" al-Jazeera, which is waging "a concerted media war against the brothers in Syria." No need to troll this thread.

For all the discussion in the American press about how the al-Qaida-aligned Nusra front is the strongest Syrian revolutionary faction, the Shumukh forum isn't optimistic that Nusra is going to be victorious. The "revolutionary and the mujahideen are currently being besieged in an effort to prevent their acquiring arms," laments a lengthy forum thread dedicated to strategizing a path to success. Their enemies in the aforementioned Zionist-Crusader-Zoroastrian alliance are likely to "wrest control of or destroy the chemical weapons facilities within Syria." (Apparently Shumukh participants don't put much stock in the fears of the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, who says he probably won't have enough advance intelligence to avert a Syrian chemical attack.)

The thread, compiled and translated by the invaluable Jihadica website, doesn't offer much in the way of a strategy to save the Nusra Front's fortunes. It proposes "collecting the greatest possible amount of heavy and unconventional weapons" (presumably including chemical arms); "patience, and trust in God alone in all things"; and "preaching, consciousness raising, and communications" on behalf of the Syrian jihadis. Significantly, Shumukh is stopping short of calling for the mobilization of jihadist sympathizers to the conflict.

"What this means is that there first be peaceful activities, as we have indicated [in point seven]," the forum says, "but that they be accompanied by the threat of plunging the entire region into a vast war if our brothers in Syria are besieged or conspired against whether [by elements] from beyond Syria or by the brothers of the revolution itself." The "brothers from the Islamic State of Iraq" – that is to say, al-Qaida in Iraq – are supposed to be the "strategic depth" of the Nusra Front and allied groups. Shumukh apparently sees the Syrian conflict as not a high enough priority to fight for.

It will come as news to the Crusader-Zionist-Zoroastrian Alliance that they are locked in an alliance. A persistent argument for U.S. intervention in the conflict is to weaken Iranian regional influence by deposing Tehran's proxy, Syrian dictator Bashar Assad. Marine Gen. James Mattis, the outgoing commander of all U.S. troops in the Mideast and South Asia, sounded persuaded by that logic. Meanwhile, the Syrian rebel factions that the U.S. does want to help are frustrated by what they see as fainthearted support from Washington.

There's a broader irony staring the Shumukh denizens in their faces. Nominally, they're the ones aligned with the Crusaders and the Zionists, at least in the sense that all three entities want the Assad regime destroyed, while the Zoroastrians are trying to preserve Assad's bloody hold on power. Coming to terms with that stark geopolitical reality would make for a way better thread.