MOREHEAD, Ky. — In a brazen flouting of the rules God set down for his people through the Holy Bible, Kim Davis has defied the Lord Father by choosing to work in a county clerk’s office and not solely in the home, a choice that goes directly against God’s wishes for the female sex.

“I cannot believe somebody would defy God in such a blatant manner,” said local Apostolic Christian pastor David Lewis. “As Apostolic Christian beliefs are rooted in a literal interpretation of the Bible, and we believe that the Bible’s teachings are applicable to all times and all cultures, I couldn’t believe that one of our own members would completely disregard Proverbs 31:10-31, which, when read literally, decrees that women’s priority should be in the home, and not at a place of business. How could a woman who works a forty-hour-a-week job possibly pay as much attention to her home and husband as the Lord decrees?”

“You would think that this searing act of heedlessness would forever echo in her conscience,” said Davis’ neighbor and former fellow church member Laura Clarke. “Can you imagine? Choosing not to obey the Lord’s every command? How can she possibly affix her name to her W-2, a document endorsing the view that women can have a career outside her household? It’s baffling.”

When asked why she chose to flaunt such a specific rule from the bible, said Davis “To be honest, I just don’t like that one.”

Quinn Formel doesn’t eat shellfish but loves homosexuals.

Image by AP/Timothy D. Easley.