Gender: Male

Orientation: Straight-ish

For the majority of people, transitioning can help body dysphoria—but it might also trigger it. My eating disorder history was, in many ways, rooted to gender dysphoria. While transitioning was hands down the right choice in the long run, the rapid physical changes when I started hormones triggered the anorexic part of my brain. I wish that I had planned for this in some way.

It's true that hormone therapy radically changes your body, but not always in ways you might expect. For a while, especially as I got acclimated, my migraines and panic attacks both got noticeably worse. The way I orgasm changed. I find it hard to describe orgasms, but the simplest explanation is that they got way more intense, but I can't climax more than once now. Also, the way I think changed. I swear there's more “dial tone” now and less constant background chatter.

Transitioning does not have to be prohibitively expensive. The largest financial hurdles for me were starting hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and changing my wardrobe. I was so afraid I would never be able to afford transitioning because the numbers are often sensationalized (and may include particularly pricey treatment options that are not one-size-fits-all).

Not wanting gender confirmation surgery does not mean your identity is any less valid, or that you have to identify as non-binary. My gender is binary male and I have not had, nor do I want, any surgery. It took a long time to understand that my breasts don't make me any less male. I am male, period.

You are not obligated to be a trans role model. With how fast the community is changing, six-plus years in means I'm already a trans “elder.” It's easy to say “no” to educating cisgender people about trans issues, but I had to learn to enforce boundaries with other trans people, too. I don't have limitless emotional resources to serve as mentor, adviser, big brother, or therapist just because I also happen to be transgender.

If you're in a relationship, it is impossible to know for sure how it will be affected—but it will be affected. I hate having to say this one. My partner and I were really committed, despite all we had heard about how often couples break up when one person transitions, and we toughed it out for a while. But neither of us was truly prepared for how deeply the changes would affect us.

Wherever you are and however you look, you are still the same person. When I talk to young trans people, this is the biggest thing I stress. Transitioning is not a cure-all, it will not solve your life's problems, nor will it fundamentally change who you are. Transitioning is a way to live your truth more authentically, but your baggage will still come with you. For all its challenges, transitioning is the best thing I ever did for myself. I wish someone older and wiser had told me that yes, it is totally all worth it to look in the mirror and recognize yourself as you should be.

Maeve, 36

Gender: Female

Orientation: Lesbian

Support groups are only as good as the people that comprise them. You will run into great people…and not so great people. Do not feel obligated to stay in one if there are people that make you uncomfortable.

To my sisters just starting HRT, when people warn about how your nipples will get sensitive, they'll likely forget to mention that this isn't limited to just painful sensitivity. You might find yourself in the middle of grocery shopping and suddenly, you’re very hot and bothered because your shirt rubbed your nipples just-so. Try not to let it catch you off guard and send you stumbling into a display of crackers as it did to me. You should also be aware that the more you're read as feminine, the more your words will fall on deaf ears. Misogyny is exceptionally rampant and ingrained in society.