Today is the longest day of the year in the northern hemisphere and it will feel like an eternity if you happen to be anywhere near Robert Lewandowski, who appears to be in the throes of a harrowing sulk. The Bayern Munich striker has apparently still not recovered from the humiliation of failing to finish last season as the Bundesliga’s top scorer despite being the Bayern Munich striker and he has reportedly hurled himself into a bottomless pit of woe, sobbing and wailing at the unfairness of a cruel world in which the rest of humanity does not pander to his every wish.

Friends are said to be concerned that he might be an appalling bloody eejit, but his paid help remains sympathetic. “He was as disappointed as I have ever seen him,” simpered agent Maik Barthel, who explained that the striker is bravely trying to develop a coping mechanism – that time-honoured one of blaming someone else for his under-achievement. “Robert told me got no support and that the coach gave no order in the last game to help him win the top scorer award.”

Liverpool to seal Mohamed Salah signing from Roma for £35m Read more

Given that Lewandowski’s feels so let down by his coach and Carlos Ancelotti would be excused for feeling entirely fed up with Lewandowski, Chelsea have got it into their heads that they might be able to persuade the striker to come to Stamford Bridge, where folks have a certain know-how when it comes to dealing with needy strikers, as Nicolas Anelka, Fernando Torres, Didier Drogba, and Diego Costa might confirm if they’re in a good mood. If Chelsea do land Lewandowski, then Manchester United might get a piece of Romelu Lukaku on the rebound, which is just as well for United, as Andrea Belotti seems to be edging closer to Paris Saint-Germain.

United could soon be waving goodbye to Matteo Darmian, who is being courted by Juventus, who see him as a worthy replacement for Dani Alves, who is off to Manchester City. Eliaquim Mangala is still a City player, believe it or not, but not for much longer, as Lyon are poised to make him theirs.

Meanwhile, back at Chelsea, Antonio Conte is so buoyed by his success at turning Victor Moses into a high-class wing-back that he’s willing to try to top that trick by turning Middlesbrough’s Adama Traoré into something similar. Kurt Zouma may not be around to witness that magic, however, as Chelsea are keen to loan him out, what with Leonardo Bonucci and Virgil Van Dijk still in the club’s sights. Swansea are said to be interested in Zouma and also fancy taking Tammy Abraham on loan. Two hot young prospects there, which is more than can be said about the next pair of potential recruits that Swansea are eyeing up: John Terry and Martin Skrtel. If those moves go through, Tony Adams might for once be right to feel aggrieved at not getting a gig.

Arsenal have told Barcelona that Héctor Bellerín is not for sale. The deal is expected to go through shortly.

Arsenal are also hoping to tie Aaron Ramsey down to a new contract in the face of interest from, well, that’s not altogether clear, but they want to tie him down all the same. Similarly, West Brom want Jonny Evans to recommit to them, and West Ham are trying to persuade Pedro Obiang to pen a new deal with them. Lorius Karius, meanwhile, has told Liverpool he wants to stay at Anfield so the club is just going to have to deal with it.

After beating Reading in the Championship play-off final, Huddersfield want to add to Jaap Stam’s pain by taking midfielder Danny Williams up to the Premier League with them.

Finally, Barcelona remain confident of prising Marco Verratti from Paris Saint-Germain. And Watford’s Nordin Amrabat looks to be off to Deportivo La Coruna.