On Wednesday night’s edition of “The Colbert Report,” host Stephen Colbert lamented the fact that America’s culture wars have made their way even into the world of our most innocuous snack foods. Earlier this month, in observation of LGBT Pride 2012, Oreo cookies posted a message on its Facebook page featuring a rainbow-hued Oreo with six layers of multicolored frosting, with a caption that read “June 25: Pride. Proudly support love.”

ADVERTISEMENT

“Good God,” said Colbert, “Oreos are gay…and the things I’ve done with them! All those nights lying in bed, cramming four or five into my mouth at once, splitting them open and licking their cream off!”

He said that he should have known something was fishy when these “homo-snacks-uals” as he called them, “got me to accept consensual double-stuffing.”

Um, indeed.

If even our most harmless-seeming dessert treats are going to become foot-soldiers in the culture wars, then ultimately all desserts are going to have to take sides, said Colbert.

“Twinkies,” he said, “I think I know where you stand. After all, your mascot is a naked man in a cowboy hat.” Almond Joy, he pointed out, has nuts. “Mounds? Someone’s tucking.”

Watch the clip, embedded via Comedy Central, below:

ADVERTISEMENT