Government pledges to upgrade NHS ZX Spectrums to Commodore 64s

Following the cyber-attack on NHS systems, the Government has issued a pledge to upgrade the NHS’ computer systems from ZX Spectrums to more powerful Commodore 64s.

The Government will fund the deal partly by selling the ZX Spectrums on eBay and partly through a jumble sale in Ealing.

“I do recognise that the IT systems that the NHS work with are significantly out of date,” said Supreme Leader Theresa May.

“So, I will introduce a programme of upgrades across the NHS to Commodore 64s which have significantly better graphics, nicer sound and a proper keyboard rather than that funny little rubber thing.”

Staff greeted the news with scepticism.

“It doesn’t really help us,” said NHS IT Analyst Simon Williams.

“I’m mean, we’re still going to have to load up patients’ records off tapes. So they come in, give their names, then someone has to go and find the tape with your record on, then load it with that squiggly noise going all through the surgery. Then it doesn’t load properly so you have to press down on the tape a bit and do it again.

“It’s not ideal.”

However, Mr Williams was pleased with one aspect of the upgrade.

“Jet Set Willy looks mint on a Commodore 64, so that’s something.”