United States forces withdrawing from Baghdad have managed to persuade the new Iraqi government to pay for an expensive extended warranty agreement that provides limited labour and parts cover for the fragile democracy that was set up under the allies.

‘Although we are confident that the Iraqis will enjoy years of trouble free satisfaction from their new representative form of government, it is always worth insuring against the possibility that something could go wrong,’ explained Condoleeza Rice. ‘This extra cover gives them the confidence to enjoy their new Freedom™ with complete peace of mind.’

For just an extra forty billion dollars, Iraq can rest assured that if their new pro-Western government should go wrong in any way, then one of the after care team can be called out using the exclusive warranty helpline. ‘Of course we’re not talking about sending in ground forces all over again,’ explained Ms Rice. ‘But bombs will be made available, delivered by air within 24 hours of the first call to a central Baghdad location.’

However Iraqi ministers complained that on testing the Helpline, a recorded voice offered them a range of unappealing choices and then put them on hold for ages while they were forced to listen to Bolero; ‘If you wish to destabilize a neighbour press 1. If you wish to be added to the Axis of Evil, Press 2. If you wish to order a nuclear air strike, precipitating the outbreak of World War Three press the hash key, now.’

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