Brewdog: Royal Virility Performance (Scotland: IIPA: 7.5% ABV)

Visual: Light bronzed amber with an off white head that rose to the occasion quite remarkably.

Nose: Pink grapefruit, sharp and crisp. Slight greenery. Peach and strawberry. Barley. Lemon meringue. Great oaken wood. Golden syrup cake bars and slight red wine.

Body: Distinct greenery, chives and mint. Bitter hops. Rock sturdy malt backbone. Apricot. Strawberries. Custard splashing and caramel. Light toffee.

Finish: Bitter. Christmas spice like mulled wine. Quite dry kettle hops. Mint again. Nothing I can really innuendo up in this section, apart from the word finish maybe.

Conclusion: I am so fricking childish. That’s the main conclusion after the amount of innuendo I found whilst doing the tasting. But beer is serious business, yes?

So, the bastard offspring of an IPA and mulled wine in flavour. Comes very close to overdoing the spices, but just about holds it back. Just. Not a bad beer then I must admit, the minty and herby flavours give an unexpected twist to the bite at the end, very different to the expected hop overdose. Compared to the “There is no Santa” beer, which overdid the hops to the exclusion of all else, I’d say this shows they learnt from their mistakes with herbed beers then.

As for it’s, ahem, other properties. Well I have to admit I haven’t done a side by side test here, but I don’t hold much hope for you if you’re relying on a beer to help you in the bedroom department anyway. (Now if Brewdog want to provide me with some more bottles, then I will have to indulge in more extensive testing, for SCIENCE! of course)

Overall, I like it, in fact I would go so far as to say it is very good, but I must admit, for the cost you could always grab two bottles of Hardcore IPA and drink them through a fresh mint leaf. The remaining money can be spent on a more reliable and, ahem, photographic ways of ensuring a solid member.

Background: A Brewdog mix of two beers (Different sources say hardcore IPA and 5 am saint, or Punk IPA and 5 am saint) with, allegedly herbal Viagra, horny goatweed and a bunch of other bullshit alleged aphrodisiac . Despite being a massive Brewdog fan (usual disclaimer: I am not unbiased on Brewdog beers) I was a bit unsure of picking this one up as it seemed a tad gimmicky.

In the end I was sold by the absurdity of the whole situation. As an anti monarchist the whole wedding thing was getting on my tits slightly anyway, and something that mocked the whole thing in such a surreal way ended up appealing more than it off put me.

As a side note, apparently the poor bastards at the wedding did not get beer on offer due to the fact that it would be “considered rather unseemly for such a regal affair”. The poor wankers denied the joy of a good beer in order to keep up appearances, it’s almost enough to make you sorry for them. Almost.