“NOT A WOLF” describes itself as a “COFFEE LOVER. GRAPHIC DESIGNER. DEFINITELY NOT A WOLF PRETENDING TO BE A MAN.” but the one thing you need to know is that it’s all genius.

Here’s their best 25 tweets.

1.

HELLO YES DOCTOR I HAD A QUESTION I AM EXPERIENCING A PERSISTENT DREAD OH JUST PART OF THE HUMAN PACKAGE HUH OKAY COOL FUN LOVING THIS — NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) May 17, 2016





2.

MODERN DATING IS DIFFICULT DO I SWIPE RIGHT DO I SWIPE LEFT OR DO I JUST RETURN TO THE WOODS WHERE LIFE HAS ALWAYS MADE SENSE — NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) June 16, 2016





3.

UGH PUBLIC TRANSIT IS THE WORST SO CRAMPED SO SMELLY EVERYONE ALWAYS SCREAMING WOLF ON THE TRAIN OH GOD OH MY GOD WOLF ON THE TRAIN — NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) July 1, 2016





4.

IT IS THANKSGIVING CELEBRATE FAMILY FEAST ON AVIAN FLESH BATHE IN GRAVY PREPARE FOR THE LONG COLD BRACE FOR THE SEASON OF DEATH — NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) November 24, 2016





5.

EVERYONE KNOWS THE LOCKER ROOM IS NOT A PLACE WHERE YOU TALK IT IS A PLACE WHERE YOU POINT AT STRANGERS AND SAY THAT GUY HAS A WOLF PENIS — NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) October 13, 2016





6.

I HATE RUDE CLIENTS BUT YOU KNOW THE SAYING THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT NOT THE CUSTOMER SHOULD BE CAREFUL FOR DEATH HIDES EVERYWHERE — NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) September 29, 2016





7.

YOU CANNOT GO HOME AGAIN BECAUSE HOME IS A FEELING TIED TO A BYGONE TIME AND PLACE NOT BECAUSE THE WOODS YOU GREW UP IN ARE A MALL NOW — NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) November 22, 2016





8.

ALL COUPLES FIGHT JUST RECOGNIZE WHEN YOU ARE WRONG ROLL ONTO YOUR BACK TO EXPOSE YOUR VULNERABLE SIDE TO YOUR NOW DOMINANT LOVER — NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) August 29, 2016





9.

I DO NOT WANT TO GET TOO POLITICAL HERE BUT I THINK IT IS TOTALLY FINE TO EAT AN ENTIRE ROTISSERIE CHICKEN AT THE GYM — NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) November 14, 2016





10.

I CANNOT WAIT FOR WINTER TIME TO CURL UP WITH SOME HOT COCOA IN FRONT OF A FIRE I CAN HOLD THE MUG CORRECTLY I AM NOT SCARED OF THE FIRE — NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) October 25, 2016





11.

CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW COOL IT IS THAT NONE OF US ARE WOLVES LIVING ELABORATE LIES — NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) September 13, 2016





12.

I WORK ON FREELANCE DO NOT ASK FOR MY WORK HISTORY DO NOT ASK ME TO PROVE MY SKILL SET I AM A REAL HUMAN GRAPHIC DESIGNER I LOVE FONT — NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) September 9, 2016





13.

AH WONDERFUL THE BRUNCH MENU EXCUSE ME DO YOU HAPPEN TO SERVE FOURTEEN POUNDS OF RAW AND BLEEDING MEAT OH SORRY I MEANT AVOCADO TOAST — NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) October 7, 2016





14.

AT WHAT POINT IN THE BURRITO DOES MY UNENDING ANXIETY RECEDE OR IS THAT NOT WHAT THESE ARE FOR — NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) November 30, 2016





15.

WOW I LOVE THE CITY JUST WALL TO WALL HUMANS PACING OVER CONCRETE THAT WAS NEVER THEIRS LIKE DANCING ON A GRAVE OH MY GOD A SBARRO — NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) August 27, 2016





16.

I WILL TAKE THE PERFECT SELFIE I WILL SHOW OFF MY SYMMETRICAL FEATURES I WILL RECEIVE MANY LIKES I WILL KEEP THE DARKNESS AT BAY — NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) May 26, 2016





17.

STOP AND FRISK IS NOT THE SOLUTION IT IS AN INVASION OF PRIVACY MY BACKPACK FULL OF ROTISSERIE CHICKENS IS NONE OF YOUR CONCERN — NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) October 11, 2016





18.

HOLY HELL HAVE YOU ALL TRIED PIZZA YET I MEAN I CLEARLY HAVE THOUSANDS OF TIMES BUT GOOD GOD WHAT A THING — NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) August 9, 2016





19.

JUST AN IDEA ON HOW TO MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN PERHAPS WE SHOULD CONSIDER HAVING ONE STATE THAT IS JUST WOLVES — NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) July 21, 2016





20.

DO NOT ASK ME WHERE YOU CAN BUY MY NOVELS THEY ARE LIMITED EDITION AND VERY EXCLUSIVE THEY ARE NOT SHREDDED UP BECAUSE I GOT MAD AT WORDS — NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) November 2, 2016





21.

MY MORNING ROUTINE IS TYPICAL WAKE UP LOOK IN MIRROR SCREAM AT THE REALIZATION OF MY CONCEPT OF SELF BRUSH MY 42 SERRATED TEETH — NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) July 21, 2016





22.

MY HUMAN LIPS AND I ARE ENJOYING SOME HOT AUTUMNAL CIDER FEAR NOT MY BODY CAN PROCESS THESE SUGARS I WILL NOT BECOME ILL — NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) October 14, 2016





23.

THERE ARE PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA BUT THE WOODS ARE FILLED WITH HORRORS THAT WISH ONLY TO FEAST ON YOUR BONES — NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) September 13, 2016





24.

I WILL USE AN INTIMATE KNOWLEDGE OF COFFEE TO MAKE PEERS THINK I AM INTERESTING EVEN THOUGH IT IS JUST HOT BEAN WATER — NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) November 17, 2016





25.

I LOVE OFFICE CULTURE WE SHOULD TOUCH BASE I WILL LOOP YOU IN LET US CIRCLE BACK I EAT BONES SYNERGY WHAT DID I JUST SAY EVEN — NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) December 6, 2016



