It’s now 2018 which means this blog post should have been about us eating something healthy and sad like quinoa, boiled chicken or, god forbid, Cafe Gratitude. But eating cleaner is not one of my resolutions. I get way too much joy from food. Why would I ever give it up? So instead, I’m going to just workout excessively so I can maintain my level of skinny fat that seems to work. I’m sure future old me will be happy with my life choices.

Anyways, as I refuse to eat like a 16th century Belgium peasant, we went out looking for some brunch. And as I am about as white as they come, we’ve been to most brunch places around town. But one place we’ve never brunched at? Port Fonda. So we went. And we were VERY excited at what we found.

Welcome to brunch at Port Fonda.

First, the space.

I really like this place. It’s modern, but doesn’t feel like some sterile sanatorium that a lot of these places tend to be like. It’s warm and fun in here. It’s good.

But let’s get to the chase. When we’re seated, our waitress tells us to rock the Bloody Mary bar. Why? Because before noon, it’s only $5. Which is a fantastic deal with the amount of options they give you. You pick if you want vodka or tequila then you go add whatever you want to it. Here is a photo I awkwardly took.

I really liked all the options of tomato base they gave. We both ended up going with their house made one which was nice and smoky. From there I added some of that powdered chills on the far right, a bunch of bacon, an olive, celery and a healthy dab of the second hottest hot sauce they had because, contrary to my milky white skin, I handle spice like a god damn champion.

The end result:

From there we ordered. They have a ROBUST brunch menu. Honestly I’ll be coming back a bunch to brunch simply to try more. But I do highly recommend what we ordered.

I went with their daily chimichanga with an egg on top. It’s smothered in a poblano cream sauce, and was filled with cheese, pork and pure joy.

Katie went with Huevos Benedictos.

Buttermilk biscuits, tomatillo-green chile jam, grilled pork belly, bacon, poached eggs and bacon fat hollandaise. Super good. Super weird. That jam really threw me for a loop but it grew on me a lot by the end of it. We approve.

And the bathrooms?

Fine. Hip. Covered in the mad ramblings of the weird people that feel compelled to vandalize. I was confused though at first. I thought that said “Fuck Shrimp” and I got pretty upset about that. But then I pieced together that that was more than likely “Trump” and made more sense. How could anyone say something so mean about shrimp?

How would we rate it?

Taste: 9/10

Value: 8/10

Environment: 9/10

Bathroom: 8/10

Verdict? Eat here tomorrow.

4141 Pennsylvania Ave, Kansas City, MO 64111