FINALLY a 2018 outrage for me. What’s it like profusely sweating any time the weather gets above 60 degrees? How does it feel to never be able to fit into plane seats or need to sit down on the train because your tits are so heavy your knees hurt? How does it feel to buy clothes and then have them no longer fit after one wash? How about when you’re so bloated the only thing that will make you feel better is to eat pizza in bed? Or what about when you eat so many wings your shit smells like hot sauce, yeah that happened to me last night. Oh you don’t know about any of that? Well guess what, you’re busted, your Thin Privilege is showing!

Yeah that’s right, I’m a persecuted class now. First we had the Dad Bod movement where women tricked all of us huskier gentleman into thinking our fat belly’s, man boobs, and lazy outlook on life were somehow attractive and hot, and now we have this, thin privilege. Life is all candy and gumdrops for you thin people (not actually because you probably have self control and don’t eat candy all the time). You float around effortlessly, never feeling the constraints society puts on people of my size. So I’m here to say I’ve had enough, I’m tired of thin privilege, the time for change is now. Now if any college would like me to speak on the societal impacts of thin privilege I am open to give a powerpoint for the low low price of whatever I’m down to my bookie at any moment in time, currently it is sitting at bad to quite bad so I will be running 50% off deals for all universities that email me today. Fat guys unite, thin privilege is not my culture.

PS

This is unintentionally my favorite tweet of all time. 2018, the year they made a privilege for EVERYTHING.

Top 4 Fat Guy Privileges

1. Everyone always offers up their leftovers at dinner, assuming I’m still hungry

2. People think I’m a lot stronger than I am

3. I can deal with cold weather better than most people. My blood is like maple syrup

4. Belly Flops in the pool