In a Budweiser commercial set to air this Sunday during Super Bowl 50, Actress Helen Mirren, “a notoriously frank and uncensored British lady,” offers a brutal tongue-lashing to those who choose to drive drunk — summoning Charles Darwin himself to intervene with one of those gene-ending awards he’s known for.

Hello. I’m Helen Mirren, a notoriously frank and uncensored British lady.

The collective “we” are dumbfounded that people still drive drunk, so I’ll sum it up like this. If you drive drunk, you — simply put — are a shortsighted, utterly useless, oxygen-wasting human form of pollution, a Darwin award-deserving selfish coward.

If your brain was donated to science, science would return it. So stop it.

Now, the chances are you’re a fun, solid, respectable human being. Don’t be a pillock.

Your friends and family thank you.

The friends and families of other drivers thank you.

Your future self thanks you.

This is supposed to be fun!

Cheers.

[Grabs a Budweiser.]

Nice and cold.