Written by Carlos Gutierrez

It’s a large open secret now that liberal media have been circulating a myth about a fictional federal agency called “ICE” that is rounding up and separating quasi-illegal children from their illegal parents that cannot afford to come into this country. Well, now there might be a reason to believe that an “ICE” agency should exist to protect our border from the illegals. A new Harvard study has been published after twenty-five years of research has horrifically concluded with a shocking realization: The United States of America harbors over one billion illegal immigrants.

The illegal immigrants are possibly everywhere, one billion is a rather large number. A number that can certainly be useful if a rich media conglomerate would ask to purchase and remove us from the Internet airwaves if they so desired. These illegal, too-lazy-to-file-paperwork immigrants are stockbrokers in Idaho, cow wranglers in Vermont and doctors in Arizona (where illegal immigration is twice as illegal than it is in any other state). The illegals are hellbent on not paying taxes, not properly learning how to speak English and taking the valuable jobs from legal Americans that did their patriotic duty to file paperwork on-time and correctly.

Why does America harbor so many illegal human beings? There are multiple factors, remember the people from Harvard are smart and know what due diligence means. For one, the illegals are capable of reproducing five babies a year. FIVE!!! There are unconfirmed reports that there are women that have up to eight babies a year, coming from an “Octomom”. These quasi-illegal children are known as the “Anchor Babies”, children that become American citizens for being born on our soil.

For purposes of the Harvard study, the Anchor Babies were tallied as illegals (as their parents rightfully are), and whether or not the Anchor Babies came with their parents or suitable Border Patrol guardian. Despite legal bodies, they have illegal, and possibly malicious tendencies to wreak havoc upon American society. With billions coming into the country, the more likely it is that these “illegals” will harbor communist ideology and threaten to destroy the United States of America. This is unacceptable.

The Anchor Babies, descending from their mothers with multiple wombs, have the ease of not being a lifetime burden. But these billions of illegals need to contribute to the economy or suffer the consequences. There are billions of these illegals and anchor babies that walk among us. They threaten our countries future in not having jobs and taking the jobs that legal Americans earned. If even one-fourth of these Anchor Babies have socialist sympathies, that can be a lost generation in due time.

One of the major factors brought up in the Harvard study was that of evil Big Government’s incompetence. Big Government has always been one of the few but biggest problems in American History, right after Taxes and the unfortunate War of Northern Aggression. The big Federal Government, until President Trump, has been enormous and an incredible burden on tax-paying legal Americans. The government takes and wastes tax dollars and leaves America with far too many problems than what they solve.

Big Government could not possibly be bothered to deal with illegal immigration, with credit to the Obama regime’s laissez-faire approach to citizenship. They are far too incompetent to think of an execute an idea like “ICE”, you can never trust the government to be perfect. If “ICE” were to exist, then how come America has over a billion illegal immigrants?

Harvard University also says that Big Government’s ordinary bureaucracy and incompetence goes top to bottom and that legal immigration paperwork is akin to taxes, being too difficult to comprehend to these wannabee American. Being the most successful country on planet Earth is something that desires these billions of illegal people to accomplish the American Dream. But one thing they must learn about America is the bureaucracy of filing paperwork. If they can’t write paperwork and turn it in on time, why should they become American citizens? It displays a lack of commitment, as bureaucratic as the government is, becoming a legal American citizen is not difficult. But they stay in America, waiting for the green light to become legal, but the truth is that it’s not that easy. No one in America gets a free pass, your Bernie Sanders bus crashed in 2016, you evil socialists!

There are other factors brought up in the Harvard study, and many of them involve advanced statistics that would make a liberal’s head explode. The illegal immigration epidemic is no longer an open secret, and President Trump must act now to solve this problem. Perhaps “Immigration Customs Enforcement” would be a great idea to round-up these illegal immigrants, but how can you ever trust the government to do their job? Harvard University doesn’t even believe in them. Something must be done.

Carlos Gutierrez is the Bullshit News correspondent on Criminal Justice Issues and Immigration. He was born in Corpus Christi, Texas and is as American as you or anyone else that isn’t Muslim or Jewish. Devoted to his local Catholic Church, Carlos is an active member of his community and goes to church every Sunday, before the Cowboys game. Carlos worked on the 2016 Ted Cruz presidential campaign before coming to Bullshit News.