



Crystal Cave in Hamilton, Bermuda More

The Crystal Cave in Hamilton, Bermuda, site of the first time my tour guide had ever seen the iPhone 6 Plus. (Wikimedia)

Let me set the scene for you: I am 200 feet underground, in a beautiful, 2 million-year-old cavern called the Crystal Cave, in Hamilton, Bermuda. Stunning stalactite formations, placid blue water, soft lighting against the dark cave walls.

I take out my phone to take a photo. It’s an iPhone 6 Plus; Apple lent one to our organization to review, and I took it on vacation with me, mostly to test out the camera. I’m about to snap the shot when our tour guide, a young Bermudian man with a scruffy beard, stops the tour, walks over to me, and says, “Is that the iPhone 6 Plus.”

No question mark; he knows. Wants to hold it. Prehistoric cave, impeccable limestone stalactites hanging over the still, crystal blue water. The young man is stunned by the sight of the new iPhone.

“Yep,” I say, trying to refocus on taking a picture.

“Are you having the warping problem?” he asks.

I have no idea what he’s talking about. I’ve been unplugged, recharging, off the grid. No international roaming, no Internet cafes.

“The what?” I say.

“The warping problem,” he repeats, insistent.

I rack my brain. Warping? I try to think of what that could mean. How could a phone warp?

“Apparently,” he says, sensing my confusion, “some people are complaining that the iPhone 6 Plus can bend if they keep it in their pocket for too long. The aluminum warps.”

Suddenly, I get it. I can see the narrative. Someone posted a photo of his bent iPhone 6 Plus on an Apple forum somewhere. An Apple blog picked it up. Then other tech blogs picked it up. Then national news sites picked it up. A few more people post photos of bent iPhones. Suddenly it’s presented as an epidemic: “Does the iPhone 6 Have a WARPING Problem?” There’s a hashtag: #warpgate. Brian Williams talks about it on the Nightly News. Meanwhile, there are like five warped iPhones out there, maybe, out of 10 million. But everyone, even a guy who works in a cave in Bermuda, knows that the iPhone 6 bends if you keep it in your pocket too long.

Back at the surface, I confirmed that I’d gotten most of it correct, though the Internet had, as usual, come up with a far catchier hashtag: #bendghazi.

And it wasn’t five iPhones — it was nine.

Anyway, the warping is all the tour guide wants to talk about. In a 2 million-year-old cave, surrounded by, seriously, some beautiful stalactite formations. The stalactites grow at a rate of one cubic inch every 100 years. Formations growing for millennia upon millennia. In the early 20th century, when the cave was first discovered, wealthy visitors were allowed to bring handsaws and cut off the tips of the stalactites to take home as souvenirs. Mark Twain visited the cave once; he descended into the darkness down a rope, hundreds of feet, with no light but a kerosene lamp.

“Have you experienced the WARPING problem???”

I have not experienced the warping problem. Neither have you. Perhaps we should all just enjoy the caves for a little while.

Follow me on Twitter here or email me here.