Editor’s warning: Andy Dolan has been writing sarcastic, subversive columns, along with media criticism, about the Cubs since 1997 over at desipio.com. Please read at your own risk.



Opening Day is now only 17 days away and with the Cubs roster basically set, it certainly feels like it’s time to make some fearless predictions.



I’m sure that many of these will end up on prop boards in Las Vegas, so I will advise you now that when you see them you should run, not walk, but run to the window and bet heavily against whatever I predict here.



The Cubs will clinch their third straight National League Central title on Sept. 23 at the White Sox. It won’t be Hawk Harrelson’s final game, which would have been awesome. But still, can you imagine the epic silence that would follow the final out with the Cubs piling on top of each other in front of the pitcher’s mound at Downward Pointing Red Arrow Field? Hawk may...