Clubland's world exclusive on Daft Punk's Random Access Memories

DAFT PUNK FIRST REVIEW.

By Mikey Cahill.

Filed May 18, 2013, 6.31am

Wee Waa. Population 2,100.

Wee Waa.Fri May 17: Population 6,100. Plus TV crews, record company types, journalists, bloggers, hangers-on, groupies, mouse wranglers.



May 17

6am Narrabri Shire Mayor Conrad Bolton arrives in Hummer wearing shoddily constructed Daft Punk helmet. Beaming with confidence.



6.02am Bolton is immediately mobbed by fans, takes off the helmet to reveal his true identity, shouting “I’m the Mayor of Wee Waa.” Is then ignored.



6.08am Bolton seen sobbing.



6.12am Bolton’s wife swabs his tears with cotton buds. Resourceful.



7am 4000 fans all wearing Daft Punk helmets and lanyards turn up to Wee Waa Showgrounds. Fun fact: All ticket holders received helmets and lanyards.



7.20am 200 members of the Wee Waa Agricultural Society turn up with deck chairs grumbling “What’s all the fuss about?” and “I never liked punk music.”



7.30am 200 members of the Wee Waa Agricultural Society are given free Daft Punk helmets and lanyards.



7.31am 200 members of the Wee Waa Agricultural Society use smart phones and press “like” on Daft Punk’s Facebook page.



7.30am Despite press releases saying they wouldn’t be there, the real Daft Punk turn up in a black Tarago (sans helmets), wearing dark shades, smoking Gauloises and trying to blend in.



8am Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo seen explaining to a local how to pronounce his first name. Local bloke insisting “Guy” rhymes with “Sky” and having none of it.



8.10am Thomas Bangalter is seen getting into the community spirit, picking cotton, humming Cotton Eye Joe.





8.30am Temperature reaches an unseasonable 26 degrees but de Homem-Christo and Bangalter refuse to remove their leather jackets.



8.45am Confusion reigns after Bangalter orders a coffee and says “Oui” to sugar only to have local explain to him thrice that the town’s full name is Wee Waa.



8.50am Bangalter settles for latte sans sugar.



9am Mouse wranglers arrive to start training ahead of tonight’s Mouse Race



9.32am Mouse race training begins to Deadmau5’s Random Album Title. Daft Punk fans look conflicted but start throwing shapes anyway.

9.36am Last year’s champion mouse, Mickey, goes missing. Wranglers in panic.

10am Showgirls arrive for Friday night’s Showgirls Pageant looking miffed they're not getting enough attention. 6ft2 Lizzy from Lismore (Potato Fest Showgirl Winner 2006-2008) heard bemoaning the hype around “This doof doof music.”



10.32am Organisers hand showgirls Daft Punk helmets and lanyards. Lizzy promptly changes her mind, claiming to have been a fan since they released their Moon Safari album.



10.34am Nile Rodgers beams down from the sky on a flying unicorn. A collective "Strewth " emits.





11am Wee Waa Agricultural Society members doing the robot to John Williamson's True Blue playing out of a tiny, tinny transistor.



11.08am Elder statesmen of Wee Waa Agricultural Society realise they have about 40 members they don’t recognise (all members were guaranteed tickets). New “members” proselytising “It's The Year of Water," looking dreamy-eyed and grinding their jaws.



11.20am Fireworks guys turn up, realise how ill-prepared they are, call everyone who has ever pulled a party popper in their life.



11.40am Punters seen getting selfies with local cockatoo who has been taught how to sing “One More Time.”



11.55am Cockatoo owner, Daryl, asking for $10 per snap.



12.10pm Daryl seen pocketing $250.



12.14pm One cocky punter offers to buy cocky for $100, gets bitten once, ends up twice as shy.



12.20pm Guest producer Todd Edwards on Random Access Memories steps out of Porshe wearing Random Access Memories t-shirt.



12.21pm Nobody recognises him so he walks around stating “It’s ironic, two androids are bringing soul back to music” until someone says “You’re the YouTube guy with the funny accent!”







12.34pm Robot Rock ringtone is heard for the first of an insufferable amount of times.

1pm Bangalter seen flirting with Lizzy and insinuating he is Harder Better Faster Stronger. So Frunch right now.

1.10pm Lizzy heard complimenting Bangalter on his "old track" Feeling For You. “You know that one that goes [out of key] ‘My feeling’s for you have always been free’.” Bangalter cuts his losses and says “I am going to the WC.” Leaves hastily.

2pm 4000 punters remove their helmets to reveal crushed hair and smudged make-up.

3pm One hour passes without a single selfie being taken.

3.30pm Satellite dishes start morphing into rainbow-coloured toadstool volcanoes for portion of the crowd.

4pm Giorgio Moroder steps out of a limousine blasting I Feel Love by Donna Summer. Small rave forms.

4.05pm Moroder asked if he is "part of the band." Doesn't know how to respond.

4.10pm Showgirl contestant Melissa from McKay asks Moroder for an advanced copy of the album. Moroder shrugs but still tells her the story “of how I met ze synthesiser.”

4.12pm Sacha Baron Cohen seen dressed as Borat quipping “Wa wa wee waa” and apologising under his breath for Bruno.

4.15am Mouse wrangler still looking for Mickey.

4.18pm Announcement over loud speaker "Ladies and Gentlemen and, ahh, guests of Wee Waa....Wow Wee. Um. It appears Waa Wee's carry-over champion mouse has gone missing. Answers to the name Mickey. Very fast on his feet [chuckles nervously]…so please let us know if you see the little guy.”

4.19pm Wranglers for Dog High Jump seen rolling their eyes.

4.22pm Mickey seen scurrying towards CSIRO satellites.

5pm Dogs for Dog High Jump warming up to Daft Punk’s Rollin’ n Scratchin’ by rollin’ n scratchin’.

5.30pm Mickey located in CSIRO Satellite number two. Dog High Jump champion Bluey sent to retrieve him.

5.45pm Bluey returns with Mickey.

5.48pm Mickey crowned champion of Mouse Race as all other mice have gone AWOL.

6pm One punter wearing Dog Head from Da Funk clip mistakenly entered into dog high jump competition.

6.15pm Dog High Jump begins. Punter loses head on first jump. Crowd cheers.

6.17pm Bluey wins high jump. Tested for peptides. Cleared. Tested for mouse muscles and bark. Results inconclusive.

6.30pm Baby Show Competition begins. Passive aggressive mothers act passive aggressive.

7pm Baby Show Competition ends with an 11-way tie for first as all babies are wearing Daft Punk helmets.

7.30pm Showgirl event begins with shock entrant Jai’me from Summer Heights High.

7.45pm Ja’ime disqualified for overuse of “How random”.

7.50pm Melissa from Mackay seen fake-smiling after Lizzy wins Showgirl competition. Melissa calls Lizzy a “groupie.” Scrag-fight threatens to break out.

8pm The big moment. Random Access Memories album begins, turned all the way up to 12. Scrag-fight averted as Lizzy and Melissa immediately embrace, such is the unifying power of Daft Punk’s music.

8.02pm Wee Waa cotton fields become discotheque for first and definitely last time.

8.03pm Underwhelming fireworks display.

8.04pm www.daftpunkweewaa.com crashes.

8.02pm Wee Waa briefly rated by Lonely Planet as Coolest Destination in Southern Hemisphere, nudging out Byron Bay.

8.03pm 4000 robots steam up their visors dancing like lunatics. Everyone having a very good time.

8.05pm Google’s Top Search: “Where in New Zealand is Daft Punk Album Party?”

8.07pm #daftpunkweewaa and #wherethehellisweewaa trending on Twitter.

8.30pm Mayor Bolton does a Mayor Quimby and starts getting friendly with Showgirl entrants. Realises Ja’ime is a dude and retreats quickly.

8.45pm Bangalter and de Homem-Christo spotted watching the global broadcast from helicopter flying overheard. Both have epiphanies, turn to each other and say “We should ‘af callt de album Around The World Again. Merde!”

9pm Random Access Memories finishes. Crowd chants “One more time! ONE MORE TIME!” Sony Rep looks confused as to what to play. Makes smart call to press play on Random Access Memories again.

10pm Daft Punk’s Facebook page wins the internet for the next 8 hours.

6am Mayor Bolton, Bluey, Lizzy and handful of Wee Waa Agricultural Society Members still raving in the cotton fields.

6.30am Afterparty at Mayor Bolton’s house. Wife not happy.

www.randomaccessmemories.com

Originally published as First Daft Punk Wee Waa Review