Hey there Evil Geeks! It’s just about time for the 2013 New York Comic Con and we’re getting everyone ramped up by going over our coverage from last year ahead the the big show this week. This post originally ran as two separate posts last year and it gives you some pointers on some of the things that will be fun at the show, as well as some of the stuff that will drive you bat-shit crazy, Thanks for reading and we hope to see you this week in Manhattan!

As we mentioned in this blog’s first post, we here at the Brotherhood are officially in countdown mode for the New York Comic Con. 4 MORE WEEKS!!! Just one moon cycle away from the East Coast version of the Geek Superbowl! Actually, the sad truth is we’ve been in countdown mode for about the last six months. We….(sigh)…don’t get out much. But now we’re getting really close and I’m getting super excited! Right around this time though, it’s always important to not let the excitement get the better of you and let the impending avalanche of awesome stuff blind you to the grotesque carnival of human misery you’re also going to bump uglies with at the same time. So to keep us all grounded for the next few weeks until we hit the show floor, here’s a list of some of the nasty you’re bound to encounter, then tomorrow I’ll be back with some things to remind you of the awesomeness:

THE BLOODY HORROR!!!!

Let’s start out with an obvious one, THE CROWD! If you want to attend the con and enjoy the experience, you are going to have to accept one basic fact: For the next few days, from about 10am until 7pm you will be walled up in the Javitz Center with nearly 100,000 other people who are going to get just as agitated as you about dealing with the masses. If you can get past that it’ll be all good, but trust me it won’t be easy. Trying being calm and serene after you’ve been clobbered by someones oversized bag of swag for the 3,689th time that morning. For the few days of the con, the Javitz is going to be packed like a commuter train in Calcutta. After walking around all day, people are going to smell like the decaying butthole of a dead tauntaun. You’re going to get bumped into. People will walk in front of you right as you’re about to take a picture. You’re going to unintentionally get hit with a shopping bag or two. The guy in the Archangel costume is going to turn for a pic suddenly and clip the back of your head with the gargantuan metal wings strapped to his back. It’s going to happen to everyone; don’t impale anyone with a replica of the Sword of Omens, just let it all slide (we’re geeks for cryin’ out loud! We’ve spent years hiding from the sun, developing these wonderfully gelatinous physiques, the last thing we should be doing is fighting). Luckily, from what I’ve seen over the years the crowd is generally pretty docile and understanding. OK, except for that one nerd who stabbed some guy with a compass at the Avengers panel in San Diego a few years ago. But that’s only one guy out of the hundreds of thousands that have gone to cons since then, so it’s a pretty decent record. Seriously though, how unlucky do you have to be to get stabbed in front of the Avengers? They’re “Earth’s Mightiest Heroes”, it’s right there below the title! Even though they’re just actors, there’s got to be a prop Cap shield laying around somewhere that someone could have chucked. Anyway back to the topic, at the end of a long day of playing human Tetris, you’re going to be ready to beat a fool to death with the tentacles of his Doctor Octopus costume.

Here’s my pic of a guy in a sweet-ass Darth Vader costume telling a guy with a shit-eating grin on his face to not walk into the picture. If only I could have force choked him.

The next bad thing at the con is THE FOOD. I’m pretty sure that somewhere in the bowels of the Javitz Center, there is some devastatingly insane scientist who’s somehow managed to combine airline food with high school cafeteria food in some twisted experiment that is somehow connected to cases of missing pets and pigeon disappearances across NYC. Not one single person has ever come up from the food court and said “Wow I can’t believe how fairly priced and delicious that food was!” Never. Not once. EVER. There’s a BBQ place that serves up some so-so grub, everything else isn’t so hot. You also have the choice of going get some horrible Chinese food, some bland pizza, or a turkey wrap that has most likely been stored in an unrefrigerated warehouse in Brooklyn since last years con, at one of the few places to grab some food in the Javitz. There’s also the vendors selling (formerly) hot pretzels and what I can only describe as the worst churros I’ve ever eaten in my life, scattered about the Javitz too. Yum.

As if the crappy food isn’t bad enough, you’re pretty much going to have to forget about going to college or ever owing a home because the eats are going to set you back quite a bit. Have fun coughing up like 5 or 6 bucks for a bottle of soda or $20 for a sandwich and some chips. Yeah, they tend to get a little gouge-y with the prices there, so be prepared. You’re talking to a man who’s downed countless $11 beers at the con across the years.

I’m willing to bet that just hearing that is enough to get you worked up into a rage. Now just think about how frothingly pissed you’re going to be when you have to fork over the entire GNP of Guatamala for this pitiful meal after waiting in line for like 40 minutes to get food. If you’re going to eat at the food court, it’s definitely going to eat up a huge portion of that days floor time, so be prepared to make sacrifices. Pop quiz, hot shot: the guy who played Thug #3 in Die Hard is going to be signing autographs at 1pm, but you’re ready to pass out since you haven’t eaten since the night before, WHAT DO YOU DO?!?!?!

Okay, now you’re sufficently angry from fighting your way through the throng of people all day, you’re cranky because you couldn’t get a decent meal, then all of a sudden you get that painful rumbling in your stomach and instantly realize that ordering the salmonella fingers from the food court was a bad idea. Right about then, you’re going to want to hit the nearest bathroom, aren’t ya’? Welcome to the next traumatic fun house of the NYCC: THE BATHROOMS! You take off for the nearest restroom like the Flash, leaving a debris field of downed nerds and discarded swag in your wake, praying you can make it there in time, only to burst through the door and be greeted with a line about 7 people deep all waiting to get into a stall so they can put on the homemade Gundam suit they spent 9 months building. F#@&!!!!!! You remember that there’s another bathroom straight across the hallway, so you decide to initiate Plan B and make a break for it. BLAM, you blast through the door and are met with a stench surely created most fouly by Hades himself. Aside from the rather “earthy” aroma, there is also another line waiting for you, this time populated by guys holding gym bags full of fake swords, axes, nuchucks, and various elf costume pieces hanging out of the top, all waiting for a stall. GOD DAMN IT!!!!! You’ve now entered a full on code:brown emergency. One way or another it’s all coming out and you need to do something about it NOW!!! A last ditch plan forms in your distressed brain as you recall the small bathroom tucked away behind some booths, up two levels on the show floor. “This is it, all or nothing” you think. If this doesn’t work, then you’re about to have a REAL bad time at the con. You begin the epic sprint towards your last hope for salvation, hoping to come out on the other end with your dignity intact. Just feet from the door, you tragically notice the small yellow sign handing from the handle that says “closed 15 minutes for cleaning”. That about sums up what it’s like to need to use a bathroom at the NYCC.

“Uhhh, yeah, so I’ve actually got the stall next.”

So that wraps up the breakdown of the major evils of the NYCC. Don’t let them disuade you on attending. I absolutely assure you that all the cool and amazing things you’ll see will more than compensate for the bad stuff. Come back tomorrow for a list of some of the pros of the NYCC.

Stay evil fellow geeks…

The Pros & Cons of the New York Comic Con Pt.2: The NYCC Strikes Back

Good evening fellow Evil Geek brothers and sisters, welcome back to part two of our ramp up for the NYCC! As we had said yesterday, we’re at the point in the calendar year when our singular focus is preparing for another epic weekend in Manhattan for this years con. However, it’s important to not let our expectations get so inflated that we’re ultimately let down once we hit the show. For that reason, yesterday we talked about the downside of attending the con. After that all too brutal breakdown, it’s safe to say that some folks could be expecting a non-stop parade of vile wretchedness, therefore it’s time to get pumped back up! (In the interest of getting us all psyched up, may I recommend reading the rest of this post to the tune of “Eye of the Tiger”, which as we all know is the ultimate song for getting revved up) Screw trying to not get too excited, the con’s going to kick ass no matter what!!! Here’s a list of some of the kick-ass things you’ll come across at the NYCC:

CAN YOU DIG IT?!?!?!

Where do I even start with all the outright incredible things you’ll be seeing at the con? There’s so much to go with, but for starters let’s begin with the mountains of GEEK SWAG. Looking for something unique to hang on your living room wall? You just hit the jackpot, because any movie, comic, or video game anyone on the planet could ever be a fan of, probably has at least one vendor dedicated to selling posters, paintings, lithographs, or tapestries related to only that one thing. Need a TARDIS oven mitt? That couple over there have a case full of them, next to the potato mashers shaped like Shipwreck from G.I. Joe. Want to pick up some shooting targets with JarJars face on them? No problem, head two isles over and take a left. Heads up though, he doesn’t accept Republic Credits. Trying to score some Super Mario Brothers themed sex toys? Well that guy’s in the alley over on the 34th Street side of the Javitz Center. He might not actually be part of the con, but he DOES give a discount if you show him your con pass.

What other wonders might you come across during your weekend in NYC? I am always a fan of checking out the COSPLAYERS. Let’s get the disclaimer out of the way first: not EVERY costume you encounter is going to be a masterpiece. Some of them will be pretty horrible actually, but at the same time it’s still really entertaining to watch. I don’t meant this in a mocking way either. I certainly don’t have the balls to show up dressed in a costume that I just threw together on the subway ride over, so hats off to you folks!

Some of them will be OK.

Some of them will get weird…

On the other end of that spectrum though, you will definitely see many walking pieces of art. Not stuff you pick up at the local Halloween store either; it’s all stuff that you can tell these people spent months upon months working on and building from scratch at home. you’ll undoubtedly want to get some pics of those costumes, so alway remember to be cool about it and ask for permission first when you can (obviously if they’re already posing for people taking pics, then it’s ok to just click away). Don’t just run up like some greasy paparazzo and start flashing your camera in their faces. Let me tell you though, you will encounter some spectacular costumes:

Oh, let’s not forget the hot girls in sexy costumes either!

Moving on from the costume and cape set, there’s still loads more great stuff that makes the experience of the con totally worthwhile. Like all the cool exhibits, demos, and displays put on by the various media companies at the con.

The chance of running in to “celebrities” on the show floor.

There’s a whole host of other fun things going on at the con besides this stuff also, like comic preview/discussion panels; movie, tv show, and video game previews, piles of free swag and promos, and oh yeah, there’s the one thing that started all this hoopla: COMICS!!! Aisles and isles of new, old, or rare comics, trade paperbacks, hardcovers, and pretty much anything you comic you might ever want to get your hands on. It’s the stuff that brought us here in the first place and tends to get brushed aside in the modern con era where other forms of media are now dominating the convention. Who doesn’t love scouring the dollar bins for old back issues? Or haggling over the price of a book because the corner of the cover is slightly dog-eared? You haven’t lived until you’ve conned someone into thinking a $50 comic is only worth $10! I will say though, in a world where Amazon or E Bay can bring us nearly anything we want, the need for actually buying books at a con is decreasing. It’s still fun though to browse through in hopes you might find something you’ve been missing.

Alright, I’m feeling pretty good about the con again, now that I’ve palette cleansed away all the bad experiences. 27 more days to go people!!!

“Tonight, Evil sleeps alone. But first, He walks alone… to a magazine shop… to purchase porn.”

-Sir Simon Milligan



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