Points to Ponder: “The love of one’s country is a splendid thing. But why should love stop at the border?" -Pablo Casals (Spanish Cellist, Wrote music for UN Anthem for world peace, 1963 Presidential Medal of Freedom; b.1876-1973)

Story Line: On September 24, 1970, I saw an envelope in the mail box. It had exotic stamps on it that said Philippines, a place I had not heard of. It was from Luisa Go in Manila who had gotten my address from her best friend who was my cousin’s penfriend. I already had twelve penfriends in various countries but decided to make one more friend for the reasons mentioned in the Reflection section.

During childhood, Luisa had a fascination with Indian culture and people. I found out later that on the way home from high school, she would walk down a street full of shops owned by Indians who lived in Philippines. Filipinos called them “Bombay”. When she would reach home, her mother would tease her “Did you see your Bombay today?”

In 1969 she saw an American movie Maya which was about two teenage boys and Elephant in the jungles of India. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maya_(1966_film)). One of them was an American actor (Jay North) and the other was an Indian actor (Sajid Khan). She became a big fan of Sajid Khan. So when she learned that her best friend had a pen friend in India she asked her to find her one through her Indian penfriend. --and She became my 13th penfriend.

That is how it all began fifty years ago. The rest of the story is in the reflection section that was shared on our 40th wedding anniversary two years ago.

Reflection: The Spy Who Loved Me During my years in elementary school, I developed an interest in collecting stamps. I heard that our neighbor was getting letters from Germany so every other week I would go to his window to check if he had received any letters, and ask if he had some stamps for me. After returning from one summer vacation, and expecting a ton of stamps, I went to his place only to find the windows shut. After a few more days with closed windows, I knocked on the main door of the house. The lady who was renting the room to him informed me that he had moved to Germany. Upon further investigation I found out that his “Penfriend” had come and they had gotten married and moved to Germany*. That was my first exposure to English word,"Penfriend.”

That experience added to my hobby of stamp collecting and I wanted to know more about other countries while improving my English. By the summer of 1970, I had Penfriends in twelve different countries.

So when my cousin Yogini informed me that she had given my address to a girl in Philippines who was looking for a friend in India, I was not very enthusiastic. All the other Penfriends I had selected were from countries where I could correctly pronounce the name. I had never heard about the country named “Fili Pines**”. Plus she was going to be No. 13. I also thought about having no more money to buy stamps to send letters. My cousin was persistent and informed me that the person she was recommending is the best friend of her penfriend Helen Tan in Philippines and I would be very happy. She also showed me the stamps from Fili Pines which were very attractive.

On September 24, 1970 I received the first letter from Luisa Go. The casual writing style, handwriting and the brief introduction was very appealing. And the stamps were beautiful. The only thing that seemed strange was she had used the word Penpal instead of Penfriend. But I accepted the new label considering that one purpose of having friends around the world was to learn new things.

Things started out well until in one of her subsequent letters, she mentioned that she had a Chinese heritage. Her father was born in China and had migrated to Philippines at an early age and her mother was half Chinese and half Filipino. The word “Chinese” raised a Red Flag on my side. In the early 60s India and China had a border war and after that the relationships between two countries were strained. When some people found out she was “Chinese” they gave me cautionary advice; be careful, Chinese are very smart and they might be trying to get a spy through Fili Pines. After some discussion with my parents about this I decided to take a chance and keep writing letters.

Over next five years, we exchanged many letters, stamps and sometimes coins as Bonus. She had great sense of humor and shared very interesting stories about places, movies and various things written on variety of papers in a very likeable style.

In 1974 I moved to California. After a string of coincidences, On August 2, 1978, I ended up in Philippines to meet her. Since we never thought we would ever meet in person, we had told each other enough secrets about ourselves leaving no need for confessions. So in my second visit there in September of the same year, we got engaged. During my third visit there on December 19, 1978, we exchanged vows “I Do” in front of the judge in Manila City Hall.

Reflection: The last forty years have enriched us with the great understanding of each other; for me, richness and diversity of Chinese and Filipino people; and for her, fascinating history and heritage of India and its people.

In August 1978, when I came out of the door of Manila International Airport for the first time, I saw two girls waiting outside. Instantly I recognized my Penpal. The very first thought that came to my mind was “Do I want to be with her for the rest of my life?” and my heart said “Yes”.

And Yes, through the years there have been some border conflicts (aka disagreements, dialogues), some intense, but not once over anything related to our countries, cultures or religions. Just excursions we would have had in any relationship even if the person was from our own culture. One ancient rule of warfare has been followed: Ceasefire before dark (and a goodnight hug).

In 14 years of Friday Reflections being in a public domain, I have never shared such very personal story. Thank You for allowing me to do so on the significant milestone in our journey; 40 years.

I will end with the words from a very first valentine card from my new life partner and former penpal (Year 1979.)

“You are life’s most precious gift to me, for the reasons even I can’t explain. I love you more and more every day.”

*in late 1980s we were able to track down that neighbor through common association. JayKrishna and Giesla came by our place during their visit to USA.

**We pronounced Philippines as Fili Pines in early days.