OTTAWA – At a touching ceremony at Rideau Hall, Opposition Leader Andrew Scheer issued a medal of bravery to a stalwart carton of chocolate milk symbolizing how the dairy product of questionable nutritional value somehow saved his son’s life.

The room was packed full of MPs, dignitaries, and distinguished cheeses who came to witness the honour bestowed on the 500ml beverage container and its contents.

“As I said before, I truly believe chocolate milk saved my child’s life,” said Scheer reading carefully groomed notes from his speech. “A Canada Food Guide includes the recognition of our lactose heroes like this delicious and pasteurized drink, but the Trudeau government turned their backs on heroes like it.”

Scheer then pinned the medallion through the carton causing its contents to leak on the polished hardwood floor followed by a standing ovation from lobbyists.

“I would like to especially thank Canada’s Dairy producers who can do anything and get me to say anything,” added the Conservative Leader.

Scheer also awarded the medal of bravery to a block of blue cheese who prevented a kidnapping due to its awful smell.