A list of ready-made comebacks, because it’s surprisingly hard to argue with a dunce.

“Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.”

― George Carlin

I really enjoy a good debate. I enjoy getting down to the matter with an invested opponent. It’s nice to have an honest conflict, with both of you firm on what you believe. Ideas travelling back and forth. Concepts building on concepts. Perspectives being shared, shifted or strengthened. I’m well into all that.

But I do not enjoy a bad debate.

A bad debate is one where you realise, suddenly, that the topic has become irrelevant. You know how it goes; your gentle discussion about Britain’s decision to leave the EU has somehow morphed into a senseless squabble about the Nazi party. Or the other way around;the person pointing in your face doesn’t care about the truth, they just care about undoing you.

These types will ultimately avoid the subject matter and turn things into a battle of who is the loudest. And in the end, they will win, because their goal is to distract you entirely from whatever discussion you were attempting to have. These conversations are always a waste of Wi-Fi.

But these people are often dimwits, and dimwits tend to rely on other dimwits for their own dimwittery. Their arguments are frequently copied and pasted from the rest of society’s buffoons, which makes them very predictable.

So I’ve predicted them.

I’ve noticed the kind of unoriginal things people tend to say in these side arguments, in these sticky webs of wankery, and I’ve compiled a list. And attached to each item on that list is a ready-made rebuttal.