WINTER weather will result in a million of pictures of nothing much, experts have warned.

Arctic conditions across the UK are expected to drive people with too much time on their hands into a frenzy of pointless weather-based amateur photography.

But veteran life coach, Roy Hobbs, said: “Snowy things are far less of a novelty than you think they are. Stay indoors.

“You may think that lone bird on a fencepost looks exceptionally picturesque against a seasonal backdrop, but no-one else gives a tuppenny fuck.

“You can go balls-out crazy with your Photoshop filters, but the sharp observer will see through such tawdry gimmicks.”

He added: “Your relatives might feign interest when you show off the contents of your new 1000-image strong ‘snowpics’ computer folder, but they will be bored.

“By the time you get to the 26th picture of the half-melted snowman, they’ll be thinking about the last time they had sex.”