Would you want to move back into your parents’ home after university? How much rent, if any, should you pay? Can you survive socially into your 20s and even 30s living with your parents? Those are the dilemmas faced by millions of young adults as soaring house prices have forced millennials back into the parental home.

This major change to family life has happened shockingly fast. In 1997, around 25% of under-34s were living in their parents’ home, according to the Office for National Statistics. Today the figure is 32%. For men, it’s even higher; 37% of men aged 18 to 34 lived with their parents in 2017.

The ONS report, Journeying into Adulthood, charts how much the major milestones in life have changed. In 1997, the typical age at which someone left home was 21. Now it is 23. And the number of people in the 18-34 bracket who have a partner and have started a family is collapsing. In 1997 they made up 29% of this age group, now they make up just 22%.

Behind these statistics lie rising house prices. In 1997, the typical age at which someone bought their first home was 26, today it is 34.

Little wonder then that so many young adults now live with their parents for longer while they save for a home. While living with mum and dad has become destigmatised, it comes with costs; from disagreements about how much a child should pay towards living costs, through to parents unable to move on in their own lives as they continue to care for “kidults”.

We spoke to young adults in their 20s and 30s, while we analyse the academic research on the financial costs and consequences of the boomerang generation.

Tom Kirkum, 23, London: ‘I have a well paid job but can’t afford London rents’

Tom Kirkum

Tom Kirkum has a well-paid graduate job in financial services but after his flatmate moved in with a girlfriend last year he was forced back to his parents’ house, unable to cover the rent alone on the south London flat. After paying his parents – Margaret and Robin, both in their early 60s – money for weekly housekeeping, Tom tries to save as much of his salary as possible.

“It has been fine moving back with Mum and Dad,” says Tom, whose family home is in south-east London. “But I do want to move out and have some independence again soon. I’ve even been considering a move north – perhaps Manchester or Liverpool, where the cost of living would be lower.”

For Margaret, a retired health visitor, there was never any question she would help Tom. “We all had to adapt initially. Robin and I had been on our own for a few years while Tom was away at uni, and for Tom it must have felt strange moving back home. But we’ve settled into a good routine and we get along. Ideally we would like to help him more financially – with a house deposit for example, but we have a daughter and two grandchildren too and we have to keep one eye on our own retirement – thinking about how far funds will stretch.”

Tom is keen to move out in the medium-term. “I miss having my own space,” he says. “I wouldn’t want to be in this situation long term. I’m fortunate to have a good job and salary so hopefully I’ll be able to move out soon.

“It must be quite depressing for anyone who feels stuck and unable to move forward due to finances.”

Margaret and Robin, who were married in their mid-20s and bought their first home shortly afterwards, worry how much harder it is for young people to get on the property ladder. “It is completely different now,” says Margaret. “House prices are beyond the reach of most young people. It must be demotivating.”

Braden Lee-Stevens, 34, Birmingham: ‘We get along great. I’m in no hurry to move out’

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Braden Lee-Stevens with his and stepmother Sue

Braden Lee-Stevens, 34, a support worker in Birmingham, says there are many positive aspects to living with a parent. He moved in with his stepmum Sue, 57, eight years ago after his relationship ended. Sue is no longer with Braden’s dad but the two have a close bond. Braden says he is happy with the arrangement and in no hurry to move out.

“We get along great. It’s more like we’re friends now than parent and child,” he says. “We have a mutual respect for each other. We don’t argue. It just seems to work. We can reduce our costs compared with both living alone and it is nice to have company. We like to shop together and I will often cook for Sue as she doesn’t enjoy it but I love to cook.”

Braden says he does worry about saving and wants to put more cash aside but bills and the general cost of living have been going up.

“There’s no stigma any more to living at home,” says Braden. “It’s becoming more the norm. I sometimes feel I’d like to do things my own way at home, but on balance there are lots of positives.”

Charlotte Smith, 22, near Horsham, West Sussex: ‘I pay £100 towards rent and bills and save as much as possible’

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Charlotte Smith with her mother Caroline Dabney-Rourke

Skincare therapist Charlotte Smith, 22, lives at home with mum Caroline and stepdad Andy in Rudgwick, West Sussex. She pays £100 a month for rent and bills. She runs a car to get to work but after these costs she tries to save as much as possible.

Like many young people she says home ownership feels like a distant dream, although it is something she aspires to. “I don’t earn that much and rent and property prices are high around here. There’s no way I could afford to buy.”

Next month Charlotte is travelling to Australia and hopes to work there for about a year to save more money. “I can earn more in Australia. It’s just a way to save a bit faster – but also a great way to do some travelling.”

Caroline, who has a mobile cafe business, says things work well and Charlotte is saving hard: “She lives at home but is independent – cleans her room, does her own laundry, shops and cooks and helps around the home. I’m happy to support her and we don’t charge much rent because I know how difficult it is for young people starting out and she isn’t on a big salary.

“If I had a windfall I would love to help all three of my children out,” she adds. “My eldest son is 26 and a carpenter and he moved to Australia because he can earn more there.”

Emma Jackson, 25, Sheffield: ‘I’m saving hard to buy a home, but my peers are not’

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Emma Jackson

Blogger Emma Jackson, 25, set up beemoneysavvy.com a year ago to offer money saving tips for young people. She works in events planning, and she too lives at home with her parents.

She says home ownership is something she is working hard towards, and she hopes to buy a flat in her home city of Sheffield with her partner later this year. But she says it is not an ambition shared by her friends.

“I’ve always been focused on saving as much as possible but I don’t think that’s the norm,” says Emma. “Many of my peers are happy renting because it gives them flexibility to move and travel.

“A lot of my friends have plans to emigrate soon. Working patterns have changed for younger people and lots of millennials don’t want to be tied into one particular job or paying off a big mortgage.”