Editor's Note: We love Whole Foods at Refinery29 — it's frequently our go-to lunch destination. And we were thrilled to see the grocery store's plan to offer more affordable prices . But after one of our coworkers shared a photo of $27-dollar infused water , we couldn't help but wonder: How quickly can you spend a grand at Whole Foods? So we sent our intrepid reporter Jonathan Parks-Ramage to find out. For the record, we did not actually give him $1,000 to spend at Whole Foods. We cannot confirm or deny that he went home with some of the items mentioned in this story. Whole Foods? More like Troll Foods. At one time or another, we’ve all been trolled by astounding prices at everyone’s favorite financial-black-hole grocery store. Which is why, when given a chance by the editorial staff at R29 to turn the tables and have a little fun at Whole Foods' expense, I jumped at the opportunity. It was time to give the organic behemoth a taste of its own $89 homeopathic medicine. My assignment: Spend $1,000 on as few items as possible at Whole Foods. Something light, funny, frothy. Yet the more I thought on it, the more I realized the gravity of my mission. It was time to right the wrongs of all the overpriced lunches, the $30 juices, and the burden of goji berries. (Why are we supposed to eat them, again?) I needed to go big, or go home. Which is why I selected the veritable Death Star of health food: Whole Foods Pasadena. It’s the largest Whole Foods in L.A., with two epic floors connected by escalators, an in-store restaurant/bar, and enough raw almonds to bury the population of Delaware. And so, I went forth with the winds of justice on my back: ready to Dance Like No One’s Watching and Shop Like Gwyneth Paltrow. The following is a chronicle of my journey to spend $1k on as few items as possible at Whole Foods. I knew this was not gonna be hard, but nothing could ever prepare me for just how NOT HARD it was.