For variety, try the alternate “Green Cold Boof.”

Where does Grand Rapids go when craving authentic Mexican food?

The freezer at your local 7/11.

I really just made this because I thought the headline would be funny, I’m actually microwaving a Tina’s burrito right now because I’m broke as fuuuuuuuck. These things take a SURPRISINGLY long time to thaw out.

Guess I should’ve gone to Tacos El Cunado, the real place to get an authentic Mexican dining experience.

If you say anything about Beltline Bar, I will poke you in the scrotum. Hard.

If you happen to run a company that needs a writer, ignore what I said about scrotums and check out my portfolio at kvanantw.journoportfolio.com. I have so much medical debt to pay off.

Okay bye.

(EDIT: Okay, hi, I’m back again. Did you miss me? I missed you. I’ve had enough people ask if this was real that I wanted to clarify — this is a joke in response to a 2018 MLive poll that named Beltline Bar best Mexican food in Grand Rapids. I thought that kinda sucks ’cause it’s an American restaurant. Grand Rapids has just a buttload of great authentic Mexican restaurants, and those deserve some recognition. I would probably stab a guy for some Tacos El Cunado right now. God I am so fucking hungry. But so fucking poor. Somebody send me a taco.)