Quarantined Gamer Almost Desperate Enough to Start Anthem

NEW ROCHELLE, N.Y. — Local gamer Mindy Cunningham, currently in preventive self-quarantine due to the coronavirus outbreak, has become so desperate for games to play in isolation that she’s almost considering picking up Anthem.

“I figured I could play Ori and the Will of the Wisps all week, but I beat that in two days,” Cunningham explained. “I wasn’t prepared for how many games I’d go through in two weeks. I have nothing left on my Steam backlog. Anthem might be my only option at this point. We are living in a nightmare.”

With her backlog fully depleted, Anthem started looking like Cunningham’s only remaining option. According to those familiar with the situation, she tried to stall the inevitable by starting Detroit: Become Human back up again, but she was only able to stomach the game for two hours.

Cunningham lamented that had she realized how serious the global pandemic was going to be, she would have added all those free Epic Game Store games to her library when she had the chance.

“Life is going to fundamentally change for people in the next few months and it’s going to be mentally taxing for many Americans,” said CDC director Robert Redfield. “However, we do need to go on living. If you’re considering buying Anthem, please know that this public health crisis is only temporary and also that Destiny 2 is free to play on Steam now.”

After days of painstaking deliberation, Cunningham ultimately decided that the healthier alternative was to spend her time getting a little extra sleep instead.

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