Buda, TX — The IT Mobility Team proudly announces the completion of a multi-year, cross-functional, international team effort to enhance employee productivity.

“These new ‘Personal Digital Assistants’ will revolutionize how you manage contacts, calendars, and in the next few months, you will even be able to read your email after syncing from the ‘Personal Information Manager’ program on your computer!” crowed Project Manager Tim Lovell.

“The work that the team has put in to bringing this project to completion has just been fantastic. The requirements were thoroughly, and I mean really really thoroughly documented. The IT Readiness process was followed to the letter. To give you an idea of the work involved, our Initiation Phase lasted two years. During that time, we really worked with stakeholders to validate that there was a need and that budget and human resourcing were approved.”

“After crossing that gate, we then moved into the planning phase, lasting 6 years. During this time, we rationalized the program against other priorities, such as the deployment of our ‘Electronic Mail System (EMS)’ and our World Wide Web presence hosted on Geocities.”

“The execution phase took a little longer than we expected, as we ran into deep technical issues that required our SME’s (Subject Matter Experts) to spend extended periods of time with our PM’s and Stakeholders. I’d also like to really think our Executive Steering Team for their continued guidance. We counted it up, and there were 1,285 EST meetings attended over the years. We couldn’t have done it without you!”

“We are now entering the deployment phase, which we expect to last well into 2020. Unfortunately, due to heavy demand from other customers, supply of the new Palm Pilots is extremely limited. We will be working through a comprehensive deployment plan, so just hold tight! Everyone will be getting one, and we will communicate when you can expect your device to arrive.”

“Though I myself was in junior high when it started, I felt honored when Management asked me to become the 9th project manager for this very important and highly visible project. Here are some key stats for your consideration:

9 Project Managers

20 Team members retired during the course of the project

17,392,492,391 staff hours spent crafting the perfect solution

13 babies born to project participants

150 deployments of Windows NT 4.0 servers as back-office support

Network upgrade to 100 megabit token ring

Deployment of a Network News Server running NNTP

Tactical, tiger-team deployment of “Mouse” technology

Workstation BIOS upgrades to support > 512MB hard drives in anticipation of PIM data explosion

Across-the-board memory upgrades to 32MB

Windows Patching Project to deploy Y2K compliant Windows version (Windows 2000)

Thank you all for your hard work and dedication on this technically challenging project!”

The majority of company employees were gleefully Tweeting and posting excerpts of the announcement to Facebook from their iPhone and Android devices.

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