Years ago, I used to love seeing photographs of Rahul Gandhi in a pram wearing cute baba suits. I still love seeing his photographs in baba suits, though he has outgrown those prams and prefers snazzier modes of transport. At heart he remains that dimpled baba in an angrezi pram, and it is this bachcha behaviour that seems to be working for him big time.

The Shillong outing is a case in point. There he was, hanging out with the locals, enjoying the weather and music, generally chilling with his own age group (14 to 16 ), when a bunch of stuffed shirts (or kurtas) jumped on the bandwagon and attacked his attire! Guys! It’s a cool jacket, okay? What is 63k for it? Where did that number even come from? Has anybody checked — was it an asli Burberry or a Made in China fake? What should he have worn to a rock concert in the hills if not denims and a smart windcheater? Poor chap, cornered and castigated for wearing a fancy brand! Not fair. He should have smiled, posed and said, “I have these in all colours. You guys want to borrow one? Happy to loan.” Apart from size issues, there would have been some other irrelevant issues raised by the literal-minded BJP folks.

Rahul, being ill-advised and caught off-guard (as usual), said what any privileged schoolboy would, if class bullies surrounded him and brought up crass details like the price on the jacket. Unfortunately, he got flustered and claimed he had ‘borrowed’ the jacket from a friend! Come on, Rahul baba. We all know, if you want to, you can buy the Burberry store (or several) with the car park attached! Why be this silly? See? You need sharper chaps in your team to come up with appropriate put-downs in such situations. Your team could have rushed to Amdavad, located Narendra Modi’s darzi/designer, and got a monthly breakdown of all those scrupulously matched and perfectly tailored kurta/jacket combos. They could have figured out how many he possesses — definitely more than 365, since he never repeats an outfit and often changes twice or thrice a day. How much does each colour-coordinated ensemble cost? Do the math.

But no. Instead, they instructed you to ask dumb questions like, “Have you ever seen the Prime Minister hug poor people?” Babykins, we all know he reserves his hugs and handshakes for world leaders. Why state the obvious? And you are still banging on about the suit-boot sarkar, when these guys studiedly wear sandals and kurta-pajamas. Have you gone into the price of those luscious, priceless shawls flung around the shoulders of our finance minister, for example? That’s quite a collection! We understand. He needs to keep himself extra warm these days, after that thanda budget! The cost of a single one of those shawls could feed an entire village for a week. Got it? And this shrewdly timed/positioned budget is supposed to be for those very same farmers. The ones who are not hugged by the PM, do not possess shawls and continue to shiver in the cold.

Really, Rahul. Young India believes you have a pretty good shot at Election 2019. For that to happen, you need people around you who can read the pulse of the nation a whole lot better. Taking kiddish potshots at BJP leaders will not swing the vote your way. Get some teeth into those tweets. Learn from Trump! Brazen it out by being yourself. Every Indian knows you live like a prince and in your mind, you are a prince. Well, behave like one. Learn from your canny granny — an empress of India she remained till the very end. No bogus socialist stuff in her everyday life — just disdain and arrogance for the plebs. It worked big time!

The young Indian wants just one thing: a better lifestyle. Perhaps in their hurry and impatience, they want to trade places with you. Yes, you! This is your chance to sell them that dream convincingly. Wear that Burberry without explanations or a misplaced sense of apology. Next time, wear Prada. Announce its price tag in advance. Hug as many poor people as you can clad in your finery. They may never feel such luxurious textures against their skins ever again. They will remember the experience forever. And vote for you. Yup. You. There is no party minus you. Politics is about manipulation and deception and lies. Your Burberry jacket at 63k versus an antique Kashmiri shawl at 15 lakh. Come on…bring it on! Be upfront. And thank me for my unsolicited advice once you have the country in your customised, calf leather bag.