Emotional Support Rattlesnake Bites Pastor at LAX

Chaos erupted today at LAX when a woman’s emotional support rattlesnake bit a pastor and caused a panic near a security checkpoint. The snake’s owner, 62-year-old Agnes Johnson, will likely face criminal charges.

Witnesses said the incident began when Johnson, who was flying to Seattle to visit her son, attempted to move through security.

“She was pulling her purse back, arguing with the TSA guy, and suddenly a snake flies out the bag and lands on the ground,” said Nate Smith, who was at the airport with his sister. “When I saw that, I dropped my coffee and ran as fast as I could.”

The snake landed at the feet of local pastor Tim Evans, who knew to remain still as the reptile rattled its tail.

At this point security backed away and warned the crowd, which began to panic.

“People started screaming snake, and that was it. Everyone was running toward the exits at once,” said Smith. “Several people fell to the ground and they just got trampled over. People were screaming but they just kept getting stepped on. It was horrible.”

But security had more pressing concerns. Pastor Evans appeared to agitate the rattlesnake, which was now hissing at him and preparing to strike; but agents were unable to fire their weapons due to the reptile’s proximity to him.

The pastor tried to ease away from the snake, but he became nervous and jerked his leg too quickly. That’s when the snake struck him in the foot.”

Evans then screamed and fell to the ground, and the snake slithered across the room.

At this point the remaining agents moved to surround the snake, but Johnson ran in front of them and fell to her knees, begging. “He’s my baby. Don’t shoot! That’s my baby!”

Two agents restrained her, while another drew his pistol and prepared to fire.

Witnesses said he had a clear shot at the snake, but a PETA member, who had been standing nearby, knocked him out of the way as he discharged the weapon. The shot missed, and the reptile escaped into a nearby ventilation shaft.

Soon paramedics arrived on the scene to treat Evans’ wound and the trampled bystanders. Johnson and the PETA member, who has not yet been identified, were taken into custody.

Johnson told airport security that she has had the rattlesnake for emotional support for a year, but her doctor refused to sign a note authorizing it. She explained that the snake has helped her with her fear of flying and generalized anxiety.

TSA was unable to find the snake for several hours, but animal control arrived and discovered it coiled inside of an air duct not far from the incident.

Johnson later told the Jest that she considers the rattlesnake a member of her family and that it would never bite anyone unless threatened:

“I love him so much. We cuddle every night and watch TV. He’s never been anything but loving to me. He’s just a big sweetheart.”

Pastor Evans was transported to a nearby hospital and treated with anti-venom. He is currently fighting to keep his right foot.

In the aftermath of the day’s events, a representative from LAX reinforced the necessity of a doctor’s note when flying with an emotional support animal or reptile.

“You have to be mindful of others. Some animals and reptiles are extremely dangerous, no matter how nice they may seem to you.”

The snake’s fate remains unknown. Authorities want it euthanized, but Johnson is fighting to save it.

“This would be like killing my son!” she shouted.

The incident is not expected to cause further delays in flight schedules.