Garfield Is a Mainstream Poser and Heathcliff Is Punk as Fuck

OFucking Garfield, man… he’s got his face all over T-shirts and TV and posters telling me to read. What a poser. He acts like he is this big “Fuck You” punk cat, but he’s just in it for the money.

Heathcliff, now there is a punk fucking rock cat! He fucks with everybody! He doesn’t give a fuck! And when was the last time you saw someone wearing a Heathcliff T-shirt? Never!

Garfield’s daily comic strip is always at least three panels long. Heathcliff gets it done in one because it’s not about the art, man, it’s about the attitude. Punk as fuck!

Garfield is a jerk. He is sarcastic and rude and treats everybody like shit. Jon, Odie… whoever else is in the strip. They all seem mildly annoyed with Garfield, but Jon still lets him sleep in his house and eat all his food! Odie even seems to love Garfield. And in the end Garfield always lets them know he loves them too. What a bunch of mainstream normie bullshit.

Heathcliff, on the other hand, terrorizes his neighborhood. It’s in his theme song! Everybody is scared of Heathcliff: the owner of the fish store who Heathcliff robs every day, the milkman who Heathcliff also robs even though he’s probably bringing that much milk to Heathcliff’s house anyway (Mrs. Nutmeg sure does spoil him), and he even fucks with the Tuna Fleet sailors.

The only character that’s not scared of him is Iggy, and I can’t think of a more punk name for a best friend. Grandpa Nutmeg has kind of a love/hate relationship with Heathcliff, but he lets him crash at his house anyway. Just like my grandpa does with me!

Garfield shares his name with a republican president who was assassinated a few months after he got elected. Heathcliff shares his name with the tortured romantic anti-hero whose all-consuming passions destroy both him and those around him. Up the punx!

Garfield’s comic strip is repetitive and predictable. He likes to sleep? Wow. He ate John’s lasagna again? Yeah, real funny. But with Heathcliff’s comic, you never know what to expect. Why is he wearing a shirt that says “Ham” on it? What the fuck is a Garbage Ape? Why is he wearing a helmet with the word “Gravy” on it? Why? Because fuck you, that’s why! Punk rock!

Garfield is a Mainstream Poser and Heathcliff is Punk as Fuck!

And don’t even get me started on Bill the Cat…

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Article by Seth Pederson @sethifusp