United States

Silicon Valley

Pew Research Center

USA

America

Bangalore University

By Dr N PrabhudevMany Indians fantasize about their life in the, and desire to live the American dream. Today,NRIs are the second largest Asian group in the US.One in every nine Indians in the US is a millionaire. One-third of the engineers inare of Indian descent, while 7% of valley hi-tech firms are led by Indian CEOs. Many people in India are proud of the successes of their 3.1 million kin who have immigrated to the US. According to the, the median income for Indian-American families in 2010 was $88,000, nearly twice the national average.Hundreds of us Indians emigrate every year: for higher education, lucrative jobs, better lifestyle propelling us into the orbit of success. In this process, we leave behind our biggest treasure - our parents. Parents who toiled away several years of their youth, spent a chunk of their retirement savings, and made sure they left no stone unturned to get us to our destination. It is on these stooped shoulders that we stood tall so we could reach unimaginable heights. No, they don’t remind us of this. Empty nest syndrome is a feeling of grief and loneliness parents may feel when their children leave home, such as to live on their own or go abroad. Since young adults moving out from their families’ house is generally a normal and healthy event, the symptoms of empty nest syndrome often go unrecognized. This can result in depression and a loss of purpose for parents, since the departure of their children from “the nest” leads to adjustments in parents’ lives.But between the broad smiles, behind the cheerful exterior and in those moist eyes lies an untold story - A tale of loneliness, anxiety, fear and uncertainty that they would rather leave untold. After the initial euphoria has settled, realization dawns that one’s children are miles away, thousands of miles. Worry for the safety and wellness of their children takes over their minds. Regular phone calls are reassuring but knowing that one cannot aid or be aided bothers. The anxiety of being away from one’s children in times of illness and emergencies sets in.What about our duty as their children? What do we give them beyond materialistic happiness and intermittent bouts of satisfaction? They are happy for us, proud of our achievements and watch our progress from a distance. They are not going to complain and will continue to take things in their stride. Although, the fear of ageing without their children and uncertainty of how life will unfold is at the back of their minds, they will rarely, if ever, give us a glimpse of this unease. Parents love their children and children love their children. Old parents love their children and children’s children too equally. Life inis just related to your profession. The madness to achieve and excel is overbearing. The loans taken to study are huge and it affects your entire family. When it’s payback time after getting a job, it takes 4–5 years to financially settle and build on savings. Moreover, the work here is contracted where you can be terminated at anytime. Your life is heavily dependent on money in USA. Getting a job as you age may be difficult. Initially, they are home sick. Office, family and children take their time. Then they form a intimate group for festivities and functions virtually on weekends. This life goes on. Bringing up children without family ties would make them individualistic and they would accept that they have to do everything for themselves with no one to trust/take care.Spending time with grandchildren can be challenging too as they may not understand their ‘foreign’ accents and have a hard time communicating if the grandchild does not speak their language. After high school, most likely they would move out of the house and settle somewhere else and end up in the same cycle as us. They would be left with some stranger throughout their childhood. Raising children from birth to 7 years is next to impossible.Children need not only the love and guidance from their parents, but also the role-modeling necessary to make them strong. The children go to daycare. Our children wouldn’t be connected to their family (as we can afford to go to India only once in 1–2 years). We would not be able to spend time with them as we would be busy earning money for their education, college, and necessities of life; we are busy in the office. This process is neither helping our parents, nor our children and us. There are no easy solutions for some issues. We made a choice in leaving our home and our parents. We learn that money cannot buy our parents’ happiness and our own children’s security of joint family. The children may remain disconnected. NRIs have a love hate relationship with America. They love it for what it has given them; they loathe it for what it is giving to their children. Indian Americans love the unfettered freedom of, but when their kids start loving it too, they panic. There is glorification in a vain to insulate the child from the decadence of an American adolescence. The result is a generation gap - a rift that widens with every passing birthday. When we go to USA and start life, we buy a house which would be extremely expensive. There is no domestic help and sharing chores with family after a tiring day can be killing. This is the story of three generations: Parents in old age homes, children in daycare, and we in the office.(The author is a former Vice-Chancellor of