SCP-6327-J

WARNING: CLOSE THIS WINDOW IN THREE MINUTES. IF YOU DO NOT, THREE MINUTES WILL HAVE PASSED, WHICH WOULD CAUSE UNPLEASANT THINGS TO OCCUR. THESE THINGS ARE VASTLY UNPLEASANT. You have been warned, and are heretofore barred from saying that you had not, in fact, been warned, which you have been.

Item #: SCP-6327-J

Other Aliases: SCP-SIX-THOUSAND-THREE-HUNDRED-AND-TWENTY-SEVEN-J, SCP-VMCCCXXVII-J

Applicable Object Class: Euclid

Inapplicable Object Classes: Safe, Keter, Neutralized, Decommissioned, Explained, Thaumiel, Apollyon, Nehemoth, Zeno, Sammlung, Baldr, Clytemnestra, Embla, Teufel, Granfalloon, Wynken, Blynken, Nod, Kili, Fili, Dwalin, Balin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen

Containment Procedures that are Particular to SCP-6327-J and no Other Contained Anomaly Whatsoever: The source of SCP-6327-J, which has been given the nomenclatural designation of SCP-6327-J and must be addressed and identified as such, is to be placed in a container. This container is to be strong, with dimensions greater than a minimum of 40.3499 by 40.3499 by 40.3499 centimeters, and access must be limited to a code. This access code is only to be known by the Site Director; all other access to the access code is strictly prohibited and punishable by disciplinary measures, which are inherently displeasurable and should prove to be an effective deterrent against access-code-having.

All text documents found to be infected with SCP-6327-J's cognitohazardous properties are to be destroyed by means of incineration, which will turn the document into ashes and in doing so nullify its cognitohazardous effects, which would be disastrous if maintained and displayed.

Description of SCP-6327-J: SCP-6327-J is an ancient bronze stele measuring 39.244 cm by 39.244 cm by 3 cm. The stele contains an engraved pattern of lines, shapes, and other two-dimensional displayable objects. The engraved pattern forms a shape that has proven to be a non-lethal cognitohazard. The effects of this cognitohazard are incurable, even with amnestic therapy of all classes, and cause a human subject to elaborate sentences that would, under normal circumstances, be much shorter and more concise. This succinct quality is absent in all human subjects infected by SCP-6327-J's anomalous cognitohazard, and, as such, is disagreeable.

SCP-6327-J also has an additional effect aside from its primary cognitohazardous capabilities. SCP-6327-J causes all text to which it is visually exposed to become enlongated, exaggerated, elucidated, and more elaborate and lengthy than its original state. The affected text maintains the cognitohazardous properties of the original stele, but effective at a much less instantaneous and slower rate.

THIS IS A WARNING FOR THIS FILE: THIS FILE IS RESTRICTED TO CLASSIFICATION UNOFFICIALLY LABELLED AS LEVEL 4 CLEARANCE. ACCESS HAS BEEN GRANTED TO THE USER OF THIS TERMINAL, AS THEY HAVE ACCESS TO ALREADY STATED CLEARANCE LEVELS. On the date of [DATE HAS BEEN REDACTED IN ORDER TO DENY INFORMATION TO VIEWERS OF THIS FILE], Site-551's Second Biologist that was hired on March 3rd, 1987 on 08:57, was in-fact infected by SCP-6327-J at 14:12 while eating a grilled cheese and ham sandwich made from American cheese and ham, and proceeded to obtain a live instance of Sciurus vulgaris, commonly referred to as a Red Squirrel. The researcher then produced a Sharpie brand black marker from their left coat pocket, and wrote the English words "The same thing as SCP-6327-J, only nuttier" onto the Sciurus vulgaris specimen. However, the Sciurus vulgaris specimen immediately gained the current abnormal properties it carries to this exact time frame. Please see SCP-184 for more information regarding this abnormal specimen.

Log of Event-24125-Alpha Among Site-599 Personnel, Bear in Mind that All Personel at Site-599 had been Infected with SCP-6327-J's Cognitohazardous properties:

Dr. Henderson: There is a current and present emergency, and I am about to describe it. Please listen carefully, as this will contain important information. SCP-████ had previously been in containment, but it is now outside of containment. Dr. Naismith: Do you mean to say that SCP-████, which is a keter-class scip under our containment, is now breaching containment? Dr. Henderson: That sentence that you have just said is correct, every bit of it. Dr. Naismith: Oh shit, which I say out of exasperation and gross disregard for professionalism and clean language! Dr. Henderson: Indeed you do, Dr. Naismith. We must act, as panicking is a waste of time. Dr. Naismith: Agreed. The most horrible method of wasting time during a containment breach is most certainly panic! Dr. Henderson: And how, Dr. Naismith, and how. Dr. Naismith: Should we notify the breach desk? Dr. Henderson: In my opinion, to notify the breach desk would be a good move. Dr. Naismith: Very well. Then I shall promptly notify the breach desk. SCP-████: KILL! Dr. Henderson: Oh dear me, I am frightened, for I witness SCP-████ about to kill us, because that is its intention! SCP-████: AGREED! AND WHEN I AM FINISHED KILLING YOU, WHICH I AM GOING TO DO VERY SOON AND VERY PAINFULLY, I WILL CAUSE AN XK-CLASS END-OF-THE-WORLD SCENARIO, AS IT IS WITHIN MY ANOMALOUS CAPABILITIES TO DO SO! I HOLD NO REGARD FOR HUMAN LIFE AS ANYTHING MORE THAN THINGS THAT NEED TO BE KILLED BY ME AND MY ANOMALOUS CAPABILITIES AND POWERS AND SKILLS! Dr. Naismith: You're a monster, SCP-████, because only a monster would have such an agenda as yours! SCP-████: AND HOW, DR. NAIS— [At this point in time, the onsite nuclear warhead had been detonated, which had ceased any and all further conversation, action, and other goings-on within Site-599.]

Addendum to this Article that Did Not Exist Prior to its Posting as of Now: It is believed that the entry for SCP-6327-J, which describes SCP-6327-J's anomalous qualities, has been itself infected with SCP-6327-J, which would cause all those reading this document to become infected with SCP-6327-J over a period of three minutes or longer.