SHELDON – With several towns in the state signing legislation to become “gun sanctuaries,” three Vermont communities will soon vote on whether or not to become “meat sanctuary” towns, in response to what some call “rampant veganism.” Sheldon, Fairfield, and Berkshire will go into town meeting day hoping to pass resolutions banning vegetarianism and veganism from their towns.

Under the new rules, all three of which follow a very similar template, all restaurants will be required to serve meat or dairy with every meal, and any practicing vegans or vegetarians will be banned from entering the towns. Police say this will operate more like a “don’t ask, don’t tell” system, and that residents should not be afraid of police hunting them down in their homes like the animals that they wish were never hunted in the first place.

“Nobody’s trying to attack vegans,” said Sheldon town council member Meddy Amrayer. “Just eat a little bit of meat when you’re out in public, maybe have a glass of milk, show us that you’re trying, and then do what you want when you’re in your own home.”

Some residents have questioned the legality of the resolutions, raising the possibility that the issue may be decided in court. Proponents of the measure say that its detractors are missing the point.

“We’re just trying to support our local farmers and businesses,” Amrayer insisted. “If we let these kale nuts take over, there’ll be no cows left, no cheese, no farms, I mean, will it even be Vermont anymore? Someone’s got to do something, before it’s too late.”

Cheesed-off residents will have a chance to discuss their beef with the new laws on town meeting day next month.