“The Hoff nearly off'd himself this time!” said Radar Online. Former Bay Watch star and “vodka-guzzling America’s Got Talent judge” David Hasselhoff was found “unconscious on the floor of his home” on Saturday, the result of “yet another case of alcohol poisoning.” His “distraught” 16-year-old daughter Hayley called her mom, Pamela Bach, who “rushed to the rescue” and drove her ex-husband to the hospital.

“Bach likely saved her ex-husband's life,” said Actress Archives, as Hasselhoff’s blood alcohol level was “an amazing .39.” What’s happening to him? In 2007, he became infamous for “eating hamburgers off the floor in a drunken stupor” (watch the video), and now this. It’s obvious that he “really needs some professional help.”

Hasselhoff may need help, said TMZ, but there’s more to this story than meets the eye. He “had been drinking,” but not as much as his ex would have people believe. He never passed out—he just had a minor illness that, "combined with the alcohol, made a trip to the hospital prudent.” Pamela Bach is just trying to get back at her ex-husband.