So since I won’t be dealing with any situations involving council tenants this weekend I’ll post something that happened a few years back before I was actually employed by the company, back when I was still a kid at school and doing my work experience.

I was only 15, and somewhat uninformed to the kind of people I may come across in my travels through life, you know; the crazies, f*ck ups, addicts and whatever else gets thrown into these houses. I’d been doing the work experience for two weeks now with a rather nice gentleman nicknamed “Big Alan” (this nickname was probably given to him due to him being built like a brick sh*t house) aaaaaaanyways, I was enjoying every moment and that day being a Friday (and my last day doing the work experience) things were pretty relaxed! Work eventually dropped off until we had an emergency call to go to change a Yale lock, it wasn’t long til 4 o’clock and time to go home, but we were local and it shouldn’t of took 5 – 10 minutes.

We turned up there, the place was in a set of flats which seemed pretty run down and glum but as we went up the stairs we noticed the front door was open, so we gave her a nice knock and a “Hello, its *company name* come to change your lock, anybody home?” Nothing. After waiting a while to see if she may have nipped out we decided to shout her again, only this time stepping into the flat so she could hear us a bit better and repeated ourselves “Hello, its *company name* come to change your lock, anybody home?” This time the tenant must of heard us. We heard some movement at the end of the hall in one of the rooms, then all was silent. Big Al decided to step slightly further up the hall and try and Identify himself again.

Before he could say anything a long high pitched scream filled the flat and eventually dropped into a low grumble as a woman in a gown covered in plaster and bandages, came roaring out of a room. Now, “Big Al” didn’t have your typical athletic build but the poor fella sure did move when this woman came running out that bloody room.

We eventually calmed the crazy girl down and she roughly explained to us that someone had broken into her flat, assaulted her pretty bad and had stolen some minor possessions, poor girl. Off she went back to her room, cool, calm and collected and we began to change the lock on the door, not 5 minutes after she went back to her room she started screaming again, it was different this time though, so we cautiously checked to see if the poor girl was ok, upon entering the room we discovered it was her bedroom and she had fallen out of bed. She was writhing on the floor, off her face, possibly from the piles of jars of what looked like prescribed pills that were sitting by the side of her bed.

Eventually she realised we were there and stopped squirming but began screaming, tears running down her face, “seriously, what the hell am I doing here?” I was asking myself. We eventually calmed her down, for her to ask us to help her back into bed.

Big Al wasn’t really up for this and to be perfectly honest, neither was I, so he decided to ring up the community workers (ladies) to help her, we weren’t really too hot on being accused of assault or molestation on a lady that smacked off her tits.

Not to mention it was almost 4 o’clock on a Friday and time to go home!

I hope you had a laugh,

-Your Confessing Council Worker.