How distressing to find this column’s old friend Gordon Taylor the subject of insurrectionary behaviour in his stronghold. The boss of the Professional Footballers’ Association is reputedly the highest-paid union official in the galaxy, taking home £2.29m last year, and has ruled for four decades (three years as chairman and 37 years as chief executive.) Yet those of us fervently hoping for him to surpass Fidel Castro (52 years) in the annals of absolute power may be disappointed if upstart general Ben Purkiss has his way.

Gordon Taylor agrees to independent review of PFA conducted by QC Read more

Last week, Purkiss – who is the PFA chairman – called for an independent review of how the union is run. “The PFA needs to evolve otherwise you get left behind,” he told the BBC. “We have discussed the need for evolution and the rapid pace the world is changing, and the pace at which football and footballers are changing. If you do not continue on that path, eventually other organisations will fill your space.”

Did you ever hear the cheek? Certainly Gordon Taylor never heard the cheek, in 40 years. Under sustained pressure, however, he announced on Wednesday afternoon that he would permit a review, in a statement signed “Gordon Taylor OBE”.

Although Gordon has always been best at being outraged on his own behalf, as opposed to anyone else’s, I can only sympathise. If this intervention ends up curtailing his rule, it risks leaving him just shy of the Ruliest Rulers top spot. Yes, he will be above the Equatorial Guinea president Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo in the rankings, who has only 39 years at the helm under his belt. And he will be well ahead of Ali Khamenei, over in Iran, on 37. But that 40-year sign-off would leave Gordon just behind the cuddly Cameroonian boss Paul Biya, who has notched up 43 years of relentless public service, and shows no signs of having to succumb to the indignities of an “independent review” of his performance.

Back in 2003, Equatorial Guinea state radio explained to lucky listeners that Obiang was basically “the country’s God”. Or, more specifically, he was “in permanent contact with the almighty” and consequently was entitled to act “without anyone calling him to account and without going to hell”. Same for Taylor, surely.

It is a sad fact that our highest achievers often suffer from the lack of peers, and perhaps this is the case with the misunderstood PFA chief. There are those who would bracket him with Premier League’s Richard Scudamore but, for me, the comparison feels off. Certainly both are shits; but at least one of them’s competent.

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Still, you don’t get to have ruled for 40 years without a coup attempt without having a few ideas up your sleeve when one does finally present itself. Thus I am not entirely surprised to learn the so-called PFA chairman Purkiss may not be eligible to be PFA chairman after all.

Please don’t assume this is simply the PFA equivalent of claiming the opposition candidate is a criminal and then imprisoning them or exiling them to Surrey to await the poisoned umbrella tip. Rules are rules, apparently. You have to be a contract player, and owing to his ongoing recovery from a neck injury, Purkiss is only a non-contract player for Walsall.

For me, this is quite enough to confiscate all his assets and drive his family into hiding. But the PFA is going another way about it. It has found two QCs who, it hotly asserts, “provided advice that [Purkiss’s] status meant he was ineligible to be a member of the PFA and therefore ineligible to remain as the chairman”.

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Let no one wonder why it hasn’t found 200 QCs to explain that Taylor’s own tenure rather more dramatically contravenes the PFA’s regulations. The PFA handbook states that “the chief executive should hold office for five years unless s/he resigns or is removed”.

As the Times reported last Saturday: “Several sources who have worked closely with Taylor at the PFA throughout his 37 years as chief executive have [stated] they are not aware of him holding an election or inviting nominations for the position of chief executive for at least 10 years, which appears to be a breach of the regulations stating elections should be held every five years.”

Naturally, Taylor himself has called for the smelling salts at news of the row becoming public. “It is disappointing to see a confidential matter such as this has found its way into the national media,” he said between sniffs. “The PFA does not propose to deal with all the points raised in a public forum but will do so privately.”

Absolutely. And it somehow means so much more that these comments should come from a man who has, on more than one occasion, dealt with the mental heath of his members in a public forum, and without their consent. Joey Barton was one such lucky member of Taylor’s flock. Then there was the time when, stung by some minor criticism about his handling of Paul Gascoigne, Taylor gave multiple detailed interviews about the latter’s mental health and past treatment, in which he divulged calls with Gascoigne, made armchair clinical diagnoses and actually posted – on the PFA’s official website! – the words: “If we’re not careful it’s going to be akin to George Best.”

That such a man would wet his pants about a governance issue being remotely publicised feels entirely in keeping, and I can’t think of a more modern and transparent candidate for the era in which we live. As Grace Mugabe last year observed of her husband’s immutable suitability for the highest office: “If God decides to take him, then we would rather field him as a corpse.”