LICENCE TO KYLIAN

Rather than celebrate their success as you might expect normal football folk to do, many Manchester City fans appear to have marked the conclusion of the most successful season in their club’s history by raging and frothing at the mouth over perceived media bias against their club. They are not alone, as at the end of another season of domestic dominance fans of a propaganda wing owned by other powerful people in the Middle East have also been left with a sour taste in their mouths. Leading the Ligue 1 table by 16 points with just one round of fixtures to go, Paris Saint-Germain are unlikely to be caught and had cause for further celebration at a glitzy awards do on Sunday night when their striker and local lad done good, Kylian Mbappé, was crowned Ligue 1 player of the year.

Arriving on stage to collect his gong sporting what appeared to be a nappy pin on his lapel, the 20-year-old World Cup-winner promptly demonstrated the questionable nature of individual awards in team sports by making his speech all about him. “It’s a very important moment for me, I come to a turning point in my career,” he said, in a translation provided by L’Equipe, who know “une chose ou deux” about saying words in French. “I have discovered a lot here, and I feel it is maybe the moment to have more responsibility. I hope that can perhaps be at Paris Saint-Germain, that would be a great pleasure. Or maybe elsewhere with a new project.”

Kylian Mbappé casts doubt on future at PSG after hinting at possible exit Read more

Mbappé’s hint that he might abandon PSG and head for pastures new was greeted with audible gasps, which may not have been prompted by the effects of one Gitanes too many, while in the audience his manager Thomas Tuchel’s expression changed from one of happiness to despair with all the speed of Pep Guardiola after a Raheem Sterling Big Cup tie-clincher has been chalked off by VAR. Asked to elaborate on his comments afterwards, Mbappé said “when I say something, I mean it”, apparently forgetting the occasion he pledged his future to the Parisian club as recently as last March.

Meanwhile in Spain, barely audible above the loud honking sounds of Real Madrid’s Mbappé Klaxon, the club’s president Florentino Pérez has said it is “impossible” for Gareth Bale to stay at the Bernabéu Stadium and the unused substitute looked as if he couldn’t get out of it fast enough as he scuttled off down the tunnel on Sunday, eschewing the option to applaud the club’s ingrate fans. Unwanted by Zinedine Zidane, but contracted to the club for several years on ridiculously high wages, Bale is rumoured to have told his teammates he’ll be happy to see out his contract on a local golf course earning more money per month than Brooks Koepka got on Sunday for winning the US PGA.

Despite helping Real win 12 pieces of silverware and scoring over 100 goals for the club, Bale has been a scapegoat for this season’s struggles perhaps due to his failure to embrace Spanish culture by learning the language, spending half the day in bed and eating his dinner at 3am. A lesson there, perhaps, for young Kylian, who might be well advised to turn up for his inevitable presentation ostentatiously clicking a pair of castanets.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“Maradona was in his shorts and his left leg was stretched out and Asif thought ‘that was the foot that was blessed by God!’ He couldn’t help it, he said he had an out of body moment and reached out and touched his leg. Maradona was like ‘what are you doing?!’” – James Gay-Rees, producer of the new documentary about Diego Maradona, explains the snafu that director Asif Kapadia got himself in when interviewing the great man.

Play Video 1:03 Diego Maradona documentary: a first look – video teaser

RECOMMENDED LISTENING

Football Weekly will be knocking about here at some point.

FIVER LETTERS

“Do my eyes deceive me or was that a hint of a nickname emerging for Straight Talking’s Troy Deeney on Friday? (STTD is fine, it worked for EBJT/POJT.) Possibly the only time Watford have been semi-relevant in Fiver-world! I’ll take even the smallest victory after that mauling on Saturday” – Graeme Harley.

“It’s sad to see that Girona have been relegated in spite of their goalkeeper, Bono, making the most saves in La Liga this season. Perhaps if he wasn’t number 13 but in fact One, then he would have shown the Desire to be Even Better than the Real (Madrid) Thing and Girona could have stayed up, which would have been a Beautiful Day and just the Sweetest Thing. Sadly, they were relegated on Saturday so I can’t even use Sunday Bloody Sunday but quite frankly that would be too Alan Partridge anyway ...” – Noble Francis.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Graeme Harley.

NEWS, BITS AND BOBS

A referee has died after collapsing during a game in Bolivia. Victor Hugo Hurtado had a heart attack on the pitch at the Municpal Stadium in El Alto, nearly 18,000 feet above sea level, and passed away after being taken to hospital.

Steve Clarke will be the next man to be unceremoniously kablooed through the SFA’s door marked Do One following a shellacking against, say, Cyprus now that he’s been named Scotland manager.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest The mirth at the discovery of this photo in Fiver Towers considerably outweighs how good it actually is. Photograph: Ian Rutherford/PA

The next lucky club Antonio Conte will be whining at about not spending enough money will be Inter, with the erstwhile Chelsea manager set to replace Luciano Spalletti forthwith.

Toni Kroos will not be climbing aboard the Real Madrid Do One Express, after signing a new contract keeping him at the Bernabéu until 2023.

By the time you read this Swansea manager Graham Potter will have been named Brighton & Hove Actually manager Graham Potter. Unless you read this before 4.30pm. Or if The Fiver’s sources are wrong.

And noted hatchet man of Football League yore Kevin Muscat has gone in two-footed on his Melbourne Victory career, putting it out of action for the foreseeable. His last game as Victory coach was at the weekend against Sanfrecce Hiroshima, in an Asian Big Cup fixture.

STILL WANT MORE?

Wayne Rooney. You remember that guy, right? Stout chap. Scored loads of goals. Wildly fluctuating hairline. Anyway, he’s doing great things in the USA! USA!! USA!!! according to Graham Ruthven.

People don’t care about good games, just big names these days. So says Sean Ingle, anyway.

Max Allegri promised himself he wouldn’t cry again, and kept that promise at his final game as Juventus manager. Paolo Bandini has more.

Somebody was good enough to actually challenge Bayern Munich for the Bundesliga title this year, but they won it anyway. Andy Brassell has more on that.

Valencia were 12th and floundering at the turn of the year, but they proved the silliness of La Liga by taking a Champions League qualification spot. Sid Lowe will tell you all about that one.

Are you a Premier League talent-spotter bored with the tedious business of spotting talent? Help is on its way, in the shape of Ben Fisher telling you the best talent in the Championship you should be spotting.

S3x, respect and a big mistake: not The Fiver’s fantasy version of our weekend, but a quiz on quotes from the season just gone.

Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!

BANNED UNDER A FORMER REGIME, THE ‘HOW WE WORK’ FIVER CAME PERILOUSLY CLOSE TO A COMEBACK