5/15/2017

John Brown – Senior Editor

In the pending conclusion of the largest political news story in recent memory, Donald Trump and his core campaign staff are facing indictments on the charges of treason and election tampering following the results of the 2016 Presidential campaign. Trump was rumored to have connections to the Kremlin thanks to intercepted phone calls between campaign staff and Russian oligarchs. This rumored communication took a next step into the charge of collusion after a money trail, hinted at by the infamous Steele dossier, was identified and validated by U.S. intelligence community officials with the help of MI-6 and the French DGSE. Newly elected French President Emmanuel Macron was said to have had “significant impact” on pushing intelligence agencies to this conclusion, despite having just been elected.

With the recent firing of James Comey, officials from both sides of the aisle took a stand against President Trump’s misuse of power. Senior intelligence officials worked cooperatively with foreign intelligence to corroborate Steele dossier rumors with information gathered through investigations by the FBI, and the House and Senate intelligence committees. Senator Chuck Schumer, and rep Adam Schiff were key players in this effort, as well as members of the media like Keith Olbermann and British reporter Louise Mensch. Olbermann, despite himself calling for the overthrow of the U.S. government, managed to stitch together an important part of this investigation through his seemingly unhinged and incoherent ramblings. Mensch, a proponent of the Trump-Russia conspiracy from the beginning appeared to have made certain significant connections during an 8 hour long magic mushrooms trip, followed by a long term psychotic break, which allegedly continues to this day.

What we know now is that the Steele dossier, while relatively accurate, and incredibly important, didn’t show us the whole picture. This dossier got specific into Trump’s financial relations to Russian oligarchs, and his intimate relations in Russian Hotels. This claim included a love for water sports, which has been debunked as inaccurate. However a probe by MI-6 has confirmed that President Trump instead prefers taking the first lady, Melania Trump, from behind with his 12 in. cock and massive set of balls.

This indictment appears to have serious effects on the climate in Washington. Water levels have risen significantly, due to the sheer amount of liberal tears shed and melting snowflakes in the area.