Supreme Leader Ardern’s politburo are fast heading towards a state of complete panic this morning after Jacinda’s latest virtue signal attempt went decidedly pear-shaped.

The latest debacle began after our Supreme Leader spent Sunday morning going through all the social media surrounding her latest hijab-wearing appearance.

“Clarke!” she exclaimed, just as Clarke was heading out the door for another day of fishing and instagramming.

“What’s up Cinds?” Clarke inquired.

“It didn’t work. That’s what’s ‘up’. I don’t understand why so many people are still asking what we’re doing about house prices, petrol prices, China. Who gives a fuck when I put on a hijab and told everyone they need to be more inclusive and tolerant. Still they want to know what my plan is to save New Zealand from imminent recession”.

Poor old Clarke didn’t have much to offer at this point so just kind of stood there looking sheepish.

“Wait. I know what we’ll do” said Jacinda. “You remember when the Christchurch thing happened and they put my picture on the Burj Khalifa? Well let’s go there. I’ll take my collection of headscarfs. We’ll do some photoshoots. The UN will love it”.

Unfortunately it appears no one within the Jacinda camp bothered to mention that Dubai kind of frowns upon unmarried couples being anywhere near each other, let alone producing an heir.

As they were around half an hour through a Woman’s Day photoshoot in front of the Burj Khalifa, which at over 800m tall only just surpassed the audacity of the Supreme Leader’s plan, witnesses report that the local Police took the First Family into custody.

At time of press, no one in any position of authority appears to have a clue what to do.

More to come.

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