Screenshot : Senate Television ( Getty Images )

So I know you didn’t watch Day 3 of the Trump Impeachment trial so allow me to recap all the bits you missed.




Democrats continued to make their case, which was totally riveting btw, and then Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Calif.) pulled a sword and began hacking away at the podium. Notorious R.E.P. Hakeem Jeffries (D-N.Y.) tackled Schiff and the two began rolling around on the floor. It was at this moment that Tennessee Rep. Marsha Blackburn hopped to her feet and threw the book she was reading, How to Strangle Your Cat and Wear a Bathrobe in Public Without Being Called the Crazy Lady by Your Neighbors, at both the men. It was at this precise moment that…

Managing Editor Genetta Adams: What the hell are you doing?



Me: Just spicing up the impeachment recap.

GA: Yeah, but you can’t just make shit up.

Me: Why not? No one watched it. Besides this is going to sound better.

GA: Because we’re a reputable news site and people don’t come here for fiction! And if anyone had a sword it would be Nancy Pelosi.


It’s day three and at this point, I’m just watching the impeachment trial out of spite. I’m purposefully trying to prove to those Republicans, who believe that Americans don’t have the bandwidth nor the wherewithal to withstand 13 hours of watching Congress members argue wrong. Hell, the Congress members themselves have given up on the damn trial. There have been reports of members doing crossword puzzles—and not the New York Times crossword puzzle, we’re talking those big book crosswords that have hints like, “Three letters. Clue: an animal that rolls around in his own shit (if you were thinking “pig” you are wrong, it’s “GOP”).

And while Blackburn may not have actually thrown a book at the members making their case as to how Trump abused his presidential power by withholding Ukrainian aid in exchange for an investigation into political rival Joe Biden and his son, Hunter (she was totally caught reading a book during the trial), because Marsha Blackburn is trash and that’s not just me saying it; the hashtag #MarshaBlackburnIsTrash is literally trending on Twitter.



So, here’s what actually happened on Day 3:



They done said Biden’s name.

Joe Biden’s son Hunter made a guest appearance during the trial. I mean, he didn’t show up but he was mentioned during the House managers’ testimony. See, Hunter Biden is at the heart of this whole mess. He had a cushy board position at Burisma, a Ukrainian oil and gas company. Surely he got the position because he’s Joe Biden’s son. That’s called white privilege, but it’s not illegal. Republicans, including Trump, have created this conspiracy theory that Hunter Biden’s work with Burisma had to have been shady. That’s why Trump withheld congressionally approved Ukrainian aid until the country agreed to open an investigation into the Bidens.




On Thursday, House managers (who are an elite tactical unit much like the A-Team), decided to go on the offensive by bringing up Hunter Biden’s position on the board of the Ukrainian oil company, which amounted to no political advantage for Hunter’s father. In fact, CNN reports that “[Joe] Biden went after the Ukrainian prosecutor for ignoring corruption, the opposite of the storyline Trump and his allies have pushed.”



But the House managers, aka the A-Team, have to know that by introducing Hunter Biden, whom Republicans want to be called to testify, has opened the door for Trump’s legal team to hammer away at whatever concocted story that they’ve come up with.




Sen. Lindsey Graham played himself.

Because Republicans’ moral compass goes wherever the wind blows, the A-Team was able to use Graham’s own words against him and thus Trump’s defense by playing a 1999 video of Graham talking about the impeachment of then-President Bill Clinton.




“What’s a high crime?” Graham says in the video, Vox reports. “It doesn’t even have to be a crime. It’s just when you start using your office and you’re acting in a way that hurts people, you’ve committed a high crime.”



Live footage of the Republican Party after the video was played:




It would’ve been nice to have a reaction from Graham, but he reportedly left the Senate trial before the video was played.



Adam Schiff gave an impassioned closing argument.

When the A-Team loses— and they surely will because Republicans don’t care what is said; they already have their minds made up—it won’t be because the A-Team didn’t give it their all. In fact, Schiff’s closing speech was so intense that even he got emotional when he noted, “If right doesn’t matter, then we’re lost.”




And he’s right, we are lost. But, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a good moment, which you can watch below:

What to watch for on Day 4.

This is it for the good guys. The A-Team has to make it count on the final day to prove to a listless crowd of Trumpelstillskins that the president needs to be removed from office.




From the Hill:

