“You just seem happier.”

I have been hearing this phrase for the last few months and it is absolutely correct. From my family, to random acquaintances on Facebook, they are all noticing.

In July of 2016 I invested in LuLaRoe. I decided I was up for the challenge of owning my own business and I wanted to do something that was all ME. My youngest daughter was not yet one and I felt like I was DEEP in the mommy trenches.

A friend of mine invited me to a Facebook “party” that she was hosting and with all of the time I was spending sitting and nursing Penelope I had time to look through these albums of beautiful clothes that seemed to get snatched up quicker than the last Oreo.

I bought a pair of leggings and a tunic. The leggings fit me to a TEE and the tunic covered my bum and my front and was EASY TO MOVE IN! Keep in mind I spent MOST of my time on the floor with my little wiggle worm and in a chair keeping her alive. I needed comfort. Not long before this I had been looking though my closet and nothing fit right. I have ALWAYS loved clothes but as a plus sized woman shopping for them was like medieval torture. When I found pants that fit I got 5 of them. When I found a t-shirt I liked I got 7. I loved color and I loved BIG BOLD patterns. That day as I stood in front of the closet, covered in breast milk, with my hair falling out, and my boobs the size of Texas, with my belly still figuring out where it belonged and the rest of me recovering from a hard pregnancy and a hard birth, I was wrecked. I remember thinking to myself, “Well, maybe I just wear black now? Maybe that’s my life?” It was devastating to me.

When these red arrow print leggings and this mustard Irma tunic showed up I remember thinking, “HOT DAMN! I feel like ELLIE again!” It wasn’t long after that that I went down the LuLaRoe rabbit hole. I watched all the YouTube videos, I joined about a million groups, I watched Periscope with ear buds late at night while sitting and nursing P. I was hooked. I went to Mike with the business idea. We ran the numbers and jumped in! I asked my mom to loan me the $6,000 start up cost and promised to pay her back in 2 years.

The next few months were a blur. I waited from March until July to get into the business (yes, that long) the whole time I saw women starting and succeeding all around me. I was so pumped. The big day came, I got 7 HUGE boxes of inventory and that was that, I was off. I was scared shitless to run this thing because I had invested so much, I was also so scared of failure. I decided failure was not an option. By March of 2017 I had my mom paid back in full. Like I said, I was THIRSTY. I felt I was finally doing something WELL and I was seeing the payoff. As a professional actor you are used to working till your eyes bled and getting paid in pennies. It’s what artists DO. They bled, and sweat and cry and starve for their art and they get next to nothing! THAT is a topic for another day (swoosh, I’m getting HEATED!)

So I was working like I always had, at 100%. I am a HARD WORKER. That is a MUST if you are raised in South Dakota. You are a hard worker, you are loyal, you are grounded, you are cautious and you are faith filled. End of story, done. So being a hard worker was engrained in me. I knew what it felt like and what it looked like.

This business was not easy. The market was over saturated and before I knew it the simple concept of BUY THE CLOTHES, SELL THE CLOTHES was no more. I could get into HEAVY detail about the in’s and out’s of this but I will leave it at this simple fact, LuLaRoe changed for me. It became less and less of just do the work and more and more of be who we need and expect you to be.

In February I had a gal who is in LuLaRoe look me in the eye and tell me that I had changed and I do not think she meant I had changed into South Dakota’s version of Beyonce I knew she meant I had changed on the inside. She had been watching me do my business (cause you see much of my business was done via Facebook and anyone and everyone could be in my shopping group and could think and judge however they liked) and she has seen a switch get flipped. Last July I was chosen to speak at LuLaRoe’s national convention, It was such an honor and such a thrill. I spoke my truth and I spoke from the heart. At that time LuLaRoe had given me so much in terms of confidence and drive I was grateful and I wanted to express that. I put myself out there (even though I was in the bathroom for 5 hours leading up to that moment with the worst nervous stomach you can IMAGINE) I wanted to be seen as a voice of strength and stability. After that day my world changed.

I was inundated with emails, PM’s, DM’s, posts, texts, calls… you name it. I had struck a cord in a LOT of people. My words landed on a LOT of hearts. I was completely taken off guard. In my naive head I thought I would do the talk and I would be done. That was not the case. Over the next 9 months I became a sort of spokesperson. I was the go to girl for motivational talks. I was given the gift of A LOT of travel and I got to meet some of the MOST wonderful people. I will NEVER not be abundantly grateful for those opportunities and the people who gave them to me.

In November of ’17 the tide shifted. This company that was so uplifting and encouraging became something very different for me. Because I was put on this pedestal I also had access to a LOT of women who then felt comfortable with me and they started to reach out for help. Their business was failing, they felt trapped, they felt overwhelmed, they didn’t know what to do. I did all I could. I talked to them I encouraged them but then I was also attacked for supporting this company. Attacked for being so blind and being a mouthpiece. I had no idea where this came from. I was just being myself and speaking my truth. I was working my business and I was keeping my head down. Because of this I started putting up walls, I started closing myself off. Like I have said I am an extroverted introvert. I don’t LIKE all of the attention, I don’t like being labeled as the spirit ambassador and through all of this I felt utterly and completely ALONE. All of these people who “knew” me were asking for my help and I had nothing. I felt like I was failing them. They TOLD me I was failing them, I know it was because they were upset at other people and things and taking it out on me was easier but at the time I felt like a White House Press Secretary. I said what I THOUGHT I knew but I actually had no IDEA what was happening.

November was the first month in over 8 months that I did not “cruise qualify” meaning I did not sell over $12,000 worth of product. After that, the bottom slowly started to drop out for me. I wasn’t able to just order a box and sell it. The prints and and fabrics I was getting were no longer wanted by my clients. The BIG BOLD BEAUTIFUL prints had been replaced by geometrics and pastels. Slowly I started to realize that I was no longer in control of my business. I was at the mercy of my distributor and my distributor had changed the game.

I was doing all I could to keep my head above water, I was finding pieces from other retailers and buying them, I was tye-dying pieces I couldn’t move, I was taking 2 year old leggings and chopping them off so women could wear them under dresses. Mike and I were bending over backwards for every single sale. Through it all my online community stood behind me, they cheered me on and they did all they could to support me. It got to a point where I felt trapped. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. LuLaRoe had gotten us out of debt but in one short year we were right back in it.

I had molded myself to be the image of the PERFECT retailer. I had changed who I was to fit a mold I believe would help me succeed. Did anyone MAKE me do this? No. I made the decision for myself. In June of ’18 we were at a tipping point. Mike had found ANOTHER part time job on top of his other job, I had hired an assistant because that it what we were told to do, I wasn’t ever tucking my girls in at night, I was planning to travel all over the Midwest to do “takeovers” at other retailers homes in hopes to amp up sales, I was planning my nephews baptism weekend around pop ups and take overs. I was drowning. Our marriage was on thin ice, our stress level was through the roof and all the while I felt I was FAILING. I felt I wasn’t working hard enough, I didn’t WANT IT enough. Something must be wrong with me.

The last week of June I had the chance to speak in front of other retailers and help to get them set up for success (how hypocritical right? As I was drowning I was trying to tell OTHERS how to do it better?) In the middle of the day a lovely women asked me some questions about the warehouse shipping issues and the old prints and she said, “I just don’t know how much longer I can wait on them to do what they say they are going to do.” It hit me like a ton of bricks. Neither could I. How much longer could I no longer be in control of my own LIFE? How much longer was I going to listen to IT’S COMING, WE’RE WORKING ON IT? I was putting my families future in someone else’s hands. I was not in control.

That evening, as God often does, I got a sign. My dear dear friend came to me and told me our mutual friend was thinking of leaving LuLaRoe and we needed to check in with her. So I did. It was a conversation that changed my life. It was a conversation that opened an escape route.

Shortly after that I left LuLaRoe. I left and it felt like a divorce. It felt like the WORST kind of breakup. I can tell you that all of those WONDERFUL people who I put into my life are STILL wonderful and 99.9% of them have PROVEN to me what angels they are and have loved and supported me through this whole process.

Essentially all I did was change distributors. I still wanted to keep my online community and I still wanted to be social boutique owner. I found a company called Piphany who is allowing me to BE ME. They are proving themselves as a reliable, fashion forward company and they are allowing me to run my business the best way I know how. They aren’t asking me to be LIVE AND DIE, they aren’t asking me to mold myself to their ideal. They are JUST MY DISTRIBUTOR.

For the first time in a long time I have felt light. I have felt happier and I have felt in control of my own business. This is just MY story. Not everyone’s. You will not find me bashing LuLaRoe you will not find me judging those who are making their own way. You WILL HOWEVER find me over here… being the cheerleader I know I was meant to be, being the friend who says, NO MATTER WHERE YOU WORK you are my friend. I love you, I support you and I ONLY WANT TO SEE YOU THRIVE.

In the past 3 months I have begun the process to open a performing arts studio, I have started a blog that I am determined to turn into a book, I have spent almost every single night tucking my babies in, I have read books, I have cooked meals, I have been able to pick up and go on adventures. I feel like ME again.

So yes world I AM HAPPIER. But it is not because I am with a certain company or I am NOT with a certain company it is because I took MY FUTURE into my own hands and I stood up and said ENOUGH! I deserve more.

That’t it.

Want to know more? Reach out. I would love to chat. I am an open book who is full of love and support, I am also still healing from a lot of self inflicted crap. I do NOT have it all figured out, but I know now that I don’t have to.

You’ve Got This (and so do I)

Ellie