Story highlights Penn Jillette reviews the videos presidential candidates made to announce they're running. He was looking for ideas, not soundbites

When it was over, he was surprised at which candidate among them would get his vote, if these were the only choices

Penn Jillette, a writer, television host and frequent guest on a wide range of shows, is half of the Emmy Award-winning magic act duo Penn & Teller. The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of the author.

(CNN) I just watched a bunch of the presidential candidates' announcement videos, one after the other. I won't try to guess how they might affect "would-be voters." I'm going to struggle to explain how these stupid videos affected one would-be voter: me.

I'm a political hedonist. I want to feel good about my gal or guy. I don't want to just feel only less horrible. And I won't vote for the "lesser of two evils" so as not to "waste my vote." Someone needs to really deserve my vote to get it.

So I didn't try to guess how these videos will affect other voters, but this is how they affected me. You are the others -- so click on the candidate's name to watch, and then look in the mirror and give your own report. Remember, we're the people.

Penn Jillette

Here we go:

Ben Carson : I hate the guy's movie-preview voice and I don't like that little hipster-farmer Frank Zappa "flavor-saver" beard without the mustache. "Heal, Inspire, Revive"? Not one of those words has anything to do with government. He says he's a leader who "derives his power from God." Good, let God vote for him. God, hipster farmer, movie-trailer voice: Nope.