Oh Kate, you’re going to put us through hell!

Friday morning sees an event taking place in the UK that music fans thought would never happen when tickets go on sale for a series of Kate Bush concerts. Yes, the star most unlikely to step out on a stage by herself again has taken everyone by surprise with the announcement that she plans to do just that.

What happens next? Surely a mad, tearful scramble by fans for tickets, because it’s more than buying tickets to see a live performance by a much-loved British artist, it’s a chance to take part in a world event, a chance to say ‘yes I was there, I saw Kate Bush sing live before I died’.



It’s an opportunity not to be missed, but what do you have to go through to get there?

1. Dread


The night before you go to bed full of worry, what if you oversleep? What if your internet connection is lost over night? What if you don’t get tickets? The swirling dread you feel before a massive, scary event weighs heavy on you and you fall into a fitful sleep.

2. Optimism

You awake full of excitement, sure in the knowledge you are bound to be successful and pick up tickets to this great event with ease, there’s no way you can lose. The early bird catches the worm right? So you are up and getting ready early which leads on to…

3. Planning

An hour or two before kick off you:

Log on to all available computers and iPads in your home and set to ticket sites

Get out credit cards, phone, pens and paper and place neatly next to your computers

Make a note of seating areas, available dates and text friends and family to try and co-ordinate who should go for which dates

You’re sorted, you start drumming your fingers on the table in anticipation as you wait, which becomes…

4. Nervous excitement

9.29am. It’s time! It’s now or never! A flurry of nervous activity fuelled by adrenaline. You’re in, you start ticking boxes and entering your details. It’s slow, it’s busy, it’s not working for you. The site has crashed. Open up another tab and have another go. Your finger starts hitting refresh, refresh, refresh over and over again, you can’t stop. Now we’re in:

5. Panic mode

Someone on Twitter is crowing, they already have their tickets. You don’t. You hate them. You’re still ticking boxes and refreshing and trying to enter your credit card details again. Crash. Cry. Re-enter for the fifth time. Crash. Cry. You’re now just randomly pressing buttons.

This can only go one of two ways:

6a. Elation

‘Thank you for your purchase, enjoy the show.’ The message flashes up on the screen, you’ve only gone and done it! The tight ball of feeling you had in your tummy releases, you can breathe and immediately take to Twitter, letting all and sundry know of your success. Secure in the knowledge you have prevailed you can be magnanimous with your sympathy for those less fortunate. Take your shoes off and throw them in the lake, your work here is done.

Or:

6b. Horror

‘Sorry, we’re unable to fulfill your request.’ The window of opportunity is closing and you have been left out in the cold. Without tickets. Every night now looks to be sold out. You’ve been sitting there for less than five minutes, it feels like a lifetime. A lifetime in which you will never get to see Kate Bush live. Your head falls into your hands. It’s over. Or is it?



6c. Desperation

Turn horror into desperation by quickly ringing everyone you know to ask if they have a spare seat. Log onto eBay and set up an search alert for tickets. Declare you will turn up on the night and throw yourself on the mercy of the touts. Basically debase yourself. Put on ‘Running Up That Hill’ and promise that you too would do a ‘deal with god’ just let me get my hands on a ticket.

Fingers crossed that you do. (And me too!)

MORE: What we’d like to see from Kate Bush live