There’s a new form of protest inside Leafs Nation.

Eclipsing waffles, paper bags, suicide pacts, chants of “Arr-gooos!” and crying jags in the stairwells, disgruntled fans are throwing jerseys on the ice this season.

After Monday’s game, in which Toronto lost 4-1 to Carolina, three conscientious objectors were fined for hurling polyester. They were also banned from the Air Canada Centre for one year, which unfortunately for them, means they’ll be allowed back just in time for next season’s epic collapse.

“I don’t know how that happens, what security or the ushers are doing,” forward Nazem Kadri told reporters, unaware MLSE does not hire precogs to patrol the stands and read minds.

“It seems like we’re giving the guy an extra couple of minutes to flip everybody off and mock our real fans,” Kadri continued, hoping to get a #JeSuisKadri hashtag rolling. “I don’t know how that guy’s not taken by his shirt and dragged out of there . . . ”

Well, for starters, that guy no longer had his shirt. Second, if anyone deserves to be dragged out, there are more worthy candidates on team payroll. Third, that guy was not mocking fans. He was just doing what people do during times of great unrest, which is throw stuff.

The only surprise is that it was a garment and not a Molotov cocktail.

Still, the question becomes: is this really the best way for Leafs Nation to express our displeasure? Or is unloading a $200 jersey a bit like protesting traffic congestion by taking a sledgehammer to our own windshields during rush hour?

Clearly, we are in need of some fresh protest ideas. Instead of throwing jerseys, we should incorporate our jerseys into more powerful protests. Here are six ideas:

HUNGER STRIKES: No, I’m not suggesting we stop eating. How are we supposed to boo Phil Kessel on an empty stomach? But if you’re going to a game, why not modify your jersey to include hidden pockets. Then you can smuggle in refreshments and avoid paying the snack extortionists $92 for a hotdog and beer. The more concession revenues plunge, the more likely we are to get a first-line centre.

MILLION FAN MARCH: Before every game, we shall meet in Maple Leaf Square to burn an effigy of Tim Leiweke, watch The Passion Returns and march around the South Core in jerseys doused with red paint to symbolize a half century of bleeding hope. If management and players do not respond to this, we will set their cars on fire.

HACKTIVISM: Working closely with North Korean hackers, we will infiltrate the team’s computer network and replace all screensavers with an image of Aki Berg crashing into his own net. We will then erase all advanced stats and install remote EKG sensors to determine which players have hearts. Those without will have their names ripped from every jersey in the city. They will also be forced to work at least two shifts at a closing Target store to understand the perils of corporate arrogance.

SIT-IN: When things start to look grim, we will storm the ice and refuse to leave until, a) the game is postponed or, b) the other team forfeits at least one point or a future draft pick. We will then confiscate James van Riemsdyk’s green mouth guard and use it to beat Dion Phaneuf until his expression is no longer as blank as Robert De Niro at the start of Awakenings.

BLOCKADES: When the Leafs begin their next losing streak, so next week, we will use our jerseys to build obstructions around the airport. Maybe the best way to keep the Leafs from losing is to keep them from playing.

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FLASH MOBS: Until the team shows it is serious about winning, we will follow players on off days and re-enact the mistakes they made the night before. We will pantomime missing the net, failing to backcheck, taking stupid penalties, getting trapped in their own zone. We will sing and dance as we do this, just to scare them even more. Then we will remove our jerseys, roll them into pillows and lie in the cold streets of Toronto until MLSE, at long last, remembers we exist.

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