Humphrey Obuobi // Issue 001 // February 1, 2020

I have the nasty habit of thinking too long and too hard about things that really don’t matter in the slightest, and one of those things happens to be The Bachelor(ette) — a show I started watching seriously for the first time last year, but has been an American pastime for almost 20 years now (debuted March 25, 2002). My friends and I get together every Tuesday (not Monday, when the episodes come out) and watch it, and it’s a grand ol’ time.

Sometimes, I also wake up and decide to write a 2,500 word essay on the subject. Today was one of those days.

I’m going to start this off with a bit of boring thinking on the structure of the show. If you’re mostly here for hot-takes, skip down to Part 002: Why Peter is the Worst Bachelor Ever. The last part (Part 003: Predictions) has a bit more analysis on the possible end states of the show and some observations of key characters.

Well, here we go…

Part 001: Understanding The Bachelor

The goal for the producers is basically to push their own narrative upon the contestants of the show (and the audience) through a series of increasingly dramatic situations that presumably tend towards the protagonist (the Bachelor or Bachelorette) finding “true love” at the end. And like in any good story, this narrative primarily makes progress through tension and conflict. Through their omnipresent knowledge of the characters, settings, etc., the producers are able to use all the information they have to create situations that will naturally tend towards this kind of productive conflict. In some cases, this is done by setting up situations that will be uncomfortable for one or many of the contestants, such as getting Victoria F’s ex to be a guest artist on the show. In others, it’s more through sowing seeds for interpersonal conflict, as was done earlier this season with the champagne.

This season, the producers seem to be hell-bent on taking the contestants on a wild ride, accelerating the story arc through major conflicts in nearly every episode thus far. In particular, the reintroduction of multiple characters (Hannah and Alayah) has been a major source of conflict throughout this season, highlighting Peter’s general indecision and fatiguing the rest of the contestants. More on this later.

The magic of this particular flavor of reality TV is maybe two-fold:

The producers literally have control over The Bachelor’s entire universe.

Again, this comes back to the omnipresent knowledge and overwhelming power to act that the producers of the show have over the contestants. This allows them to create cute and special moments, especially on dates (this was shockingly apparent in this episode, in which Peter and Kelsey literally ran into a crowd of people watching a soapbox car race, jumped into the race, won, and then had the crowd chant “kiss! Kiss!” — with the cameras to capture it all). Of course, the same power can be used to progress the narrative of the show in whichever way they see fit, as mentioned earlier.

This phenomenon is definitely connected to a recurring theme throughout this season and the last one: the desire to find someone who is “real,” beyond the cameras. From our perspective, we’re just watching a story unfold between The Bachelor and a gaggle of potential partners. From the POV of the contestants, most of their interactions with Peter are accompanied by a full suite of cameras and production crew; a not-so-subtle reminder that this whole thing is a weekly, ritualistic game for most of the country.

The complex balance of information (and perceptions of reality).

If a large part of this experience is to figure out who’s actually “real,” then a lot of The Bachelor is Peter effectively trying to a) figure out the true nature of each of the women in the show, and b) based on that, whether or not they’re actually a good match for him.

What this boils down to is something of an information game. Regarding the true nature of individuals on the show (and the actions that might signal it), Peter only really has two sources of information: his own interactions with them (which are almost always with the presence of a camera) and what he hears from others in the group. The women on the show, however, live with one another and have a wealth of interactions off-camera that can inform their perception. As such, they generally have a better idea of what’s going on and can influence the dynamics of the show more effectively — along with Peter’s perception of reality. Interestingly, Peter directly referenced this in the last episode, in which he noted that he had been “influenced” by others in the group when he kicked off Alayah.

(This could be connected to the obsession over “getting time” with Peter (or any other Bachelor) — the more time they get, the more social capital they can build with him and the more Peter is presumably likely to trust them.)

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The combination of all of this is the ultimate goal of the show’s producers: to craft a meta-narrative around the characters of the show, beyond the plots of the individual episodes. This is the real magic of a show like this; through a combination of the producer’s well-crafted scenarios, dynamics that cast on the show embody, and really smart editing, the producers are able to identify a story that can be told and highlight it for our viewing pleasure.

For the last season of the Bachelorette, this story was effectively that of Hannah’s own independence and agency. Hannah was a Bachelorette who generally knew what she wanted: someone “real” who would accept her as she was and genuinely make her happy. When it came down to it, she stuck to her guns and was able to reject the entire premise of the show — finding your “true love” and getting engaged at the end of it all — to pursue her own path and find love her own way.

Her story on The Bachelorette also the source of another key insight: the only way to really “win” The Bachelor (as the bachelor/bachelorette) is effectively break the mold, pushing forward your own agenda and interests against the pressures of the preconceived narratives and influences that effectively define the show.

With all that established, it’s time to investigate Peter… and why he is possibly the worst Bachelor ever.

Part 002: Why Peter is the Worst Bachelor Ever

The most recent episode of The Bachelor was chock full of impressive moments. He and Victoria F had one of the most genuine-looking interactions of all time (followed by the drama that comes with making out with someone while your ex serenades you), Alayah came back to “clear her name,” and most notably, almost every contestant on the show is vocally pissed off at Peter.

On a first take, you have to wonder: how could you possibly be pissed off at Peter? Generally lauded as one of the sweetest characters from the last season of The Bachelorette, Peter returned as The Bachelor to most people’s excitement. He’s a smiley guy, not a day over 28, and has a lot of potential as a partner.

And honestly, Peter really IS a great guy. He genuinely listens to each person he meets. He’s pleasant to be around, and has a strong enough build that’s sometimes nice to look at. He has some degree of facial hair if you’re the type who likes rugged types. He seems to have some strong family and cultural values, as shown by his constant reference of his Cuban heritage and taking a girl on a date to his parents’ renewal of their vows (why again). And, of course, he’s a pilot (though we should “expect turbulence,” the title card of the show warns us).

If you ever saw all this on a Tinder profile, there’s a pretty strong chance that you’d swipe right. And if you’re in the camp that wouldn’t, you’re probably lying (at least a little bit).

But the problem is that — despite all of these amazing qualities — Peter’s sweetness is without any conviction or critical thinking of his own. Over the course of the last few episodes, we’ve seen the narrators throw a whole host of crazy situations at Peter, from Hannah’s return to the champagne situation to the conflicts between Alayah and seemingly every other contestant on the show.

This shouldn’t be mistaken with not trying to make sense of the situations; he certainly seems to be wrestling with these issues (note the “I’ve been fooled” quote in the previous episode). But the fact of the matter is that Peter has failed to resolve a single one of the tensions that have arisen on the show. Let us count the ways:

The champagne debacle was the first hint of this complete and utter lack of indecision. Even after multiple people noted Kelsey’s immaturity (through her many emotional breakdowns and outbursts over something completely), Peter chose to keep both Kelsey and Hannah Ann in the running, choosing instead to eliminate a number of people that he hadn’t gotten the chance to know.

The emotional scene with Hannah (after the fantasy writing date that for whatever reason, Peter thought would be a good idea*) had potential for growth and development, but it might as well have ended with a “okay, nice chat”. Absolutely nothing substantive came out of that conversation, and instead, it just invited unnecessary complications into the mix.

We almost got a strong decision out of Peter in the previous episode, in which after multiple accusations came up against Alayah, Peter chose to not give her a rose. However, it was all for naught, given that as soon as there was a chance to bring her back, he ignored all of his past reasoning and chose to bring her back onto the show.

Looking back at all of this, it’s becoming clear that Peter isn’t just a nice guy — he is the prototypical “nice guy” in the modern dating scene. He’s incredibly pleasant and charming on the surface, fun to hang out with, and cares for the people he’s dating… but ultimately, he’s unable to make any strong decisions by himself.

The insidious thing about it is that while this kind of behavior isn’t quite as toxic as Luke P’s blatant gaslighting in The Bachelorette, it’s still pretty unhealthy. As a result of this blanket nice guy approach, Peter has taken to feigning a deep connection with nearly every woman he interacts with, putting on grand displays of affection on each and every date and definitely making out with all of them. Each interaction is perhaps fine in a vacuum, but considering the web of interactions that he is meant to manage, this approach quickly leads to untenable situations that leave many members of the cast feeling the same as every other person — or worse, utterly disregarded, like Sydney pointed out towards the end of the last episode. Building an actual, healthy relationship with someone (especially in this kind of environment) requires making tough decisions, some of which will naturally snub others in the process.

All of this comes down on Peter simultaneously not knowing what he wants and not wanting to be disliked by anyone — a dangerous thing for someone who’s supposed to whittle down a swathe of potential partners week by week to find his “one true love”.

What’s for certain is that things are really starting to heat up. So what’s next?

Part 003: Predictions

Let’s never forget the real aim of this show: crafting a meta-narrative that carries throughout the season. With that in mind and considering all of the evidence about Peter’s behavior, I believe this season’s narrative will center around Peter understanding what being in a relationship means — specifically, breaking out of the blanket “nice guy” approach that can only temporarily keep everyone happy.

Part of this might also be developing a greater sense of self-esteem.

It’s difficult to pick out specific narrative elements that could happen during this season to drive this meta-narrative (always by direction of the producers), but a few things are almost guaranteed to happen:

Peter will continue to disappoint people. While Peter’s starting to realize that his current situation is quickly going awry, I highly doubt that this growth will be a sudden/quick one. Peter will definitely continue to be indecisive for another few rose ceremonies.

Hannah will come back at some point. The way Peter and Hannah’s last conversation ended, there’s no way that they won’t end up confronting each other again about what to do. The producers’ decision to bring her back is an interesting one to begin with, as it introduces some grounding to Peter’s whirlwind life on the show — someone that he already has some degree of trust with and has, at least at some point, known for sure that he wanted. Whether they actually choose to move forward together or peacefully choose to stay apart, this will have to be a conscious choice, mostly isolated from the drama of the main series of events of the show. What’s certain is that the events of the show will still cause Peter to grow in ways that will undoubtedly influence the way that conversation goes.

What would be really interesting would be for Hannah and Peter to end up together only after Peter has gained some degree of self-respect, similar to the strong will that Hannah was able to craft and articulate during her season of The Bachelorette. This is probably unlikely… but it would make for a good story, which is all we really want anyway.

Outside of predictions for the full arc of the story, here are a few more minor observations of characters on the show:

Victoria P. The most important thing I want to call out here is that Victoria’s behavior in the last few episodes has raised a few red flags; specifically, her actions around Peter have bordered on emotional blackmailing. For sure, her situation regarding Alayah is frustrating. But the way that she’s using a past conversation with Peter about her vulnerabilities as a bargaining chip is definitely not okay.

The most important thing I want to call out here is that Victoria’s behavior in the last few episodes has raised a few red flags; specifically, her actions around Peter have bordered on For sure, her situation regarding Alayah is frustrating. But the way that she’s using a past conversation with Peter about her vulnerabilities as a bargaining chip is definitely not okay. Sydney. Ironically, all her callouts of people “causing drama” and “stirring the pot” have made Sydney the primary pot-stirrer and the hidden source of drama. It’s currently under the veneer of just calling out injustices, but it’s clearly targeted.

Interestingly, if we’re considering this to be a social/information game, Sydney’s strategy here is actually well-fitted for the first phase of the game; she’s taken advantage of a generally undesired concept in this game (drama) and used it to pin others on the chopping block while staying out of the storm that follows. It’s likely to backfire if it continues for much longer, though.

Ironically, all her callouts of people “causing drama” and “stirring the pot” have made Sydney the primary pot-stirrer and the hidden source of drama. It’s currently under the veneer of just calling out injustices, but it’s clearly targeted. Interestingly, if we’re considering this to be a social/information game, Sydney’s strategy here is actually well-fitted for the first phase of the game; she’s taken advantage of a generally undesired concept in this game (drama) and used it to pin others on the chopping block while staying out of the storm that follows. It’s likely to backfire if it continues for much longer, though. Alayah. Was she lying about her relation to Victoria P? Is her “big personality” just her being fake? It’s all hard to say, but it’s pretty clear that she had no business coming back on the show (the producers probably had a hand in this, but oh well) .At this point, almost everyone on the show dislikes her and her name is effectively synonymous with “stirring the pot,” so she definitely won’t last the rest of the season.

Was she lying about her relation to Victoria P? Is her “big personality” just her being fake? It’s all hard to say, but it’s pretty clear that she had no business coming back on the show (the producers probably had a hand in this, but oh well) .At this point, almost everyone on the show dislikes her and her name is effectively synonymous with “stirring the pot,” so she definitely won’t last the rest of the season. Victoria F. I really don’t know what to make of her right now. One thing’s for certain though: her date with Peter in Cleveland was one of the most natural Peter-contestant dynamics in the show thus far. She’s also becoming bolder, stepping up against someone she feels slighted by (Alayah). I would predict that she lasts pretty long in the show.

That’s it for now — we’ll see how this game develops from here! In the meantime, follow my ramblings about The Bachelor (along with more boring stuff on misinformation, product, design, and progress) on Twitter ( @hoctopi), or just follow me here.