You don’t have to have every element of an addictive personality or be emotionally disturbed to become trapped by addictive behavior.

All it takes to start an addiction is your brain’s memory, or imprint, of an experience with some activity or substance, which was especially comforting, relief giving, or pleasurable.

Later, when you experience a high level of stress, you will be unconsciously compelled to seek that substance or activity again. Actual biochemical effects on the brain reinforce the dependency.

Not only is an addiction like a bad relationship, a bad relationship can also be addictive. Here are the stages of any addiction, whether substance or behavioral; descriptions are personified. An addiction to a substance is a toxic relationship.

Stage 1: Infatuation

The addict’s earliest encounters with the drug with which he later becomes addicted, leave him feeling starry-eyed and “in love.”

Any substance or behavior that makes you feel “high” is altering your brain chemistry. This is what causes the sensation of being high. Those substances most likely to cause addiction upset the brain’s neurotransmitter balance, and in time, cause an actual biochemical dependency on the substance or behavior.

Infatuation with a mood changer can happen at any age. In general, the human brain operates under the rule, “if it feels good, do it.” Our brain is wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. This is to help us meet basic survival needs, such as hunger, thirst, warmth, and sleep.

What sets the stage for addiction is found within our brain’s reward center. We trick the brain as if we are satisfying a basic drive. Our brain gets tricked in to reinforcing our addictive behavior.

As we increase our appetite for certain effects and gratifications found in our addictions, the more attracted we will be to the substance or activity that provides them. We also learn from our environment the degree to which the desired result of a drug or activity is approved of and rewarded.

Whatever activity ofr substance is easily available to us affects what addiction(s) we may pick up.

Stage 2: The Honeymoon

Once a person has learned that an activy or substance can provide a magical trip away from uncomfortable feelings or moods, it is a short road to the next step in addiction – the Honeymoon.

Negative feelings are signals that alert us to some situation(s) in our life that needs attention. When we are faced with circumstances that create uncomfortable moods, such as fear, anxiety, anger, or sadness, there are two healthy options we can take to find relief:

We can take some action to change the circumstances that are causing our negative feelings (problem-solving, communicating, etc.) We can change ourselves; our relationship to the circumstances.

During the Honeymoon stage of addiction, we do neither of the above, rather, we learn to remove ourselves from the negative feelings in our lives by changing our internal emotional states instead of actually dealing with the problem directly, in a healthy way.

Stage 3: Betrayal

The real irony of addiction is that what you see during the honeymoon is not really what you get. Eventually, you are betrayed.

At first our addiction seems to serve us well – we feel more attractive, at ease, less isolated, more productive, powerful, and removed from our problems. This feeling is based on an illusion because the drug cannot really provide the results we want. An addiction is all based on a false promise. We do not solve any of our problems through addiction.

Because the addict does not use effective, real coping skills to deal with problems, the original problems gradually become worse. The removal of the substance makes the emotional problems more intense and the substance is sought after all the more.

The addict’s greatest fear – being inadequate – is compounded by the very real failure that now begins to occur in real life. In addition, addicts now begin doing things they wouldn’t normally do (lie, steal, miss work, spend lots of money) in order to maintain the addiction. All of these compromises of the person’s normal values and sense of right and wrong contribute to fast-falling self-esteem and give the addict even more negative moods to try and escape.

Addicts blame others or external circumstances for both the original stresses and for any new problems arising from the addiction. In this stage denial begins operating at full force so that the addict is no longer able to see all of the negative consequences of his drug use.

Also at this stage, the addict may receive confusing messages from family members which, however unwittingly, actually further encourage the addiction. For such a codependent family member, the reward might well be a feeling of being needed, of being a good caretaker, or of being powerful and in control. When there is an enabler in the picture the addiction is often prolonged.

Stage 4: On the Rocks

Even after the flaws in the relationship with the drug become obvious, the addict continues to chase his losses. That is, because he still clings to the memory of the Honeymoon, and keeps hoping to recapture these earlier feelings.

Addicts at this stage find they must use more and more of their addictive substance in order ot keep the mounting negative moods, feelings and actual life destruction from entering their conscious mind. The addict is developing tolerance. No matter what the substance is, increasing tolerance is a signal of addiction.

At this stage three processes begin to reinforce a person’s continued relationship with their addiction:

The desire to avoid withdrawal. Conditioning – certain cues (people, places, events, things) prove to set the stage for high level cravings of the substance or addictive behavior. Altered Brain Function – after time, the brain becomes depleted of the neurotransmitters it has been miss-programmed to release when a person uses his drug. This means the feelings of well-being become harder to achieve and are replaced by chronic, negative moods, including serious depression.

Stage 5: Trapped

This stage of the addictive relationship is a descent into despair. The addict sees no way out and loses the ability to cope with life in any other way. The choice becomes the addiction, which no longer brings the same level of relief and pleasure but is still repeated as a ritual; in addition to this, the addict experiences feelings of hopelessness and dread.

The addict can remain stuck in this stage indefinitely.

At this point the addiction is a full-time obsession.

Any use puts the addict right back into the cycle; this is why attempts at controlled use always fail.

The despair and depression that follows each use gives the addiction further momentum. A vicious cycle has been created.

Getting Divorced

No one files for divorce without first admitting that the marriage is a problem, and no one ever gets out of an addiction without admitting it either. Only by accepting that we have “lost it”; that we are powerless over our addictive behavior, can we begin to make the types of decisions that will lead to solid recovery.

Reference: Anderson Counseling & Education (http://www.aceprogram.net/)

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