Hello. We’re the Carringtons, and we endorse this budget.

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I don’t know about you, but I find it impossible to read about ‘Blake’ and ‘Laurie’, the fictional couple from the 2014 federal budget, without hearing the voice of Stuart McLean narrating from deep inside my cerebral cortex.

It’s McLean’s folksy lilt, not Jim Flaherty’s nasal drawl, that I hear when reading of “the average family of four” and how they’ve benefited from Tory economic policy. It’s not hard to imagine Blake and Laurie in the Vinyl Café universe as Dave and Morley’s wealthier, conservative neighbours, rolling their eyes while the latter plod through life selling old records and falling off treadmills.

Blake and Laurie — who collectively took home $120,000 in salary in 2013 — are an upwardly mobile power couple with two kids, probably some obnoxious decals on their minivan, a bright future and an extra $3,000 in their pocket. Apparently, they have Flaherty to thank for most of that. Their inclusion in the federal budget was clearly designed to elicit exclamations of, “Hey, that sounds like us! I guess we’re getting a great deal!” from other double-income Canadian families. No word on whether the rest of Canada collectively sighed in relief and said, “Oh thank God, I was worried about the tax burden on couples making six figures!”

By choosing Blake and Laurie, the Tories are keeping up their habit of using super WASP-y names for fictional couples in consecutive budgets. Their previous hypothetical couples were Thomas/Colleen and Michael/Kate. One would think that with all the work they’ve done in reaching out to new Canadians, they might throw a Rujinder, Woject or Shaniqua into the mix, but no dice this year.

The storyline possibilities are endless: A horrified Blake and Laurie meet the new pot-smoking neighbours from Montreal. A horrified Laurie receives some direct mail from an environmental NGO.

Although ‘Laurie’ is a pretty safe moniker to choose, the budget authors went out on a limb with the upper-crusty ‘Blake’ (see Carrington, Blake). I don’t want to paint all ‘Blakes’ with the same brush, but if I were writing a script with a character who was an ex-private school lacrosse player that skated on a sexual assault charge while doing a Commerce degree at Western, I’d probably name him Blake … or Harrison. I’m trying to give this ‘Blake’ the benefit of the doubt, but it’s hard.

For me, naming these average, middle class, imaginary Canadians seems a bit like naming farm animals I plan to have for dinner at a later date. They can’t kill them off now — I’m too attached.

Now is the perfect time for the Tories to expand the role played by Blake and Laurie in their ongoing communications strategy. What better way to drive home the Conservative message than to take a page from Stuart McLean and bring these characters to life through a series of books and a national radio program? There’s no reason Blake and Laurie can’t become the Dave and Morley of the Canadian Conservative movement.

If McLean isn’t available to regale us with the weekly adventures of Blake and Laurie, perhaps Kevin O’Leary or petroleum industry super-fan Rex Murphy could do it. And why stop at books and radio? A Blake and Laurie web series, video game and cell phone app could provide Conservative-friendly content in a delightful, Ozzie-and-Harriet-style narrative to every screen in Canada.

The next step would be to flesh out their characters a little more. Sure, we know their names, the number of kids they have and their financial particulars, but where did they meet? What are their kids’ names? (Madison and Blake Jr.?) What happens when Thomas/Colleen and Michael/Kate come over for fondue, Colleen drinks too much Merlot and stares longingly into Blake’s eyes after a goodbye hug that lasts just a bit too long?

The storyline possibilities are endless: A horrified Blake and Laurie meet the new pot-smoking neighbours from Montreal. A horrified Laurie receives some direct mail from an environmental NGO. A horrified Blake accidentally stumbles into an Ottawa strip club and discovers his old friend Chris is managing the joint. A horrified Laurie snaps pictures of Liberal senators coming and going from their convention.

Something tells me I might find Blake and Laurie as irritating as a cowbell choir at a Liberal policy get-together (Really, Grits? Were the vuvuzelas taken?) But I say it’s a propaganda plan worth considering!

Geoff Hendry is an actor, writer, standup comedian and news junkie. He’s the author of award-winning screenplays and has ghosted scripts for some of Canada’s best-known broadcasters and entertainers. He is based in Sackville, N.B.

The views, opinions and positions expressed by all iPolitics columnists and contributors are the author’s alone. They do not inherently or expressly reflect the views, opinions and/or positions of iPolitics.