Should I sell my Porsche stocks?

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I woke up this morning with a bad hangover

And my penis was missing again.

This happens all the time.

It's detachable.

[background singing begins: "detachable penis" over and over]

This comes in handy a lot of the time.

I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble,

or I can rent it out, when I don't need it.

But now and then I go to a party, get drunk,

and the next morning I can't for the life of me

remember what I did with it.

First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it.

So I called up the place where the party was,

they hadn't seen it either.

I asked them to check the medicine cabinet

'cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes

But not this time.

So I told them if it pops up to let me know.

I called a few people who were at the party,

but they were no help either.

I was starting to get desperate.

I really don't like being without my penis for too long.

It makes me feel like less of a man,

and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak.

After a few hours of searching the house,

and calling everyone I could think of,

I was starting to get very depressed,

so I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast.

Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place,

where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street,

I saw my penis lying on a blanket

next to a broken toaster oven.

Some guy was selling it.

I had to buy it off him.

He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen.

I took it home, washed it off,

and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.

People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached,

but I don't know.

Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass,

I like having a detachable penis.