Barring a visit from the Ghost of Giants Future (resembling Mark Bavaro in a white tuxedo) Tom Coughlin will most likely resign as head coach of the New York Giants tomorrow. By doing this he will evade the shameful cull of the coaching herd which began with Chip Kelly and will end up leaving Mike Pettine, Jim Tomsula, and whatever headset-wearing golden retriever who coaches the Dolphins, to fill out the Tight End Coaching Positions of the world. He’ll leave the Giants with two Lombardi Trophies and a .545 winning percentage under his tenure, more than anyone could have asked for when he first came to the team not as an offensive or defensive specialist, but as a disciplinarian who wanted his to bring “intensity to the line of scrimmage.”


He never possessed the savvy machinations of a Belichick, the competitive obsession of Harbaugh (this one, not this one), or the arcane schemes of Chip Kelly. The most notable quality he gave to the team was a rare stability. Every commentator’s pants tighten at the idea of squads imbued with “heart” and “fire” and whatever other Captain Planet elements can be credited to a winning football team but outside of personnel and play-calling, the ability to maintain a stable ecosystem is rudimentary to making the playoffs. It is even more imperative when it comes to developing a rookie quarterback, a challenge that has begun to stymie the NFL. One need look no further than the cautionary tale of RGIII to see how easily a skilled quarterback can fall victim to a team’s own turbulence. The puberty of young cowpoke Eli Manning could have gone awry in any number of places.

Unfortunately, it was Coughlin’s own desire for familiarity that hindered his decision making and ultimately the team’s record. He kept Offensive Coordinator Kevin Gilbride passed his expiration date and rehired Steve Spagnuolo to run the defense when nothing other than his gut could have told him otherwise. He brought back Hakeem Nicks for fuck’s sake.


There’s going to be a parade of candidates for the position, from Bill Cowher (please no) to Notre Dame’s Brian Kelly (eh) or even the team’s offensive coordinator (who seems to have the same barber as this guy). Whoever fills the occupancy will bring a well-needed shake-up to the defense and a demand for more personnel control, a right that Coughlin sacrificed when he left Jacksonville for the Meadowlands.



Tom Coughlin is an anachronism. It’s easy to imagine him fighting with his offensive coordinator for his use of the forward pass. I wouldn’t be surprised if he insisted the Giants use VHS game tapes. Looking at him, you can’t not feel some sense of guilt for not spending more time with your grandpa. He hated cursing. He could not manage the clock. His play-calling was erratic. I do not think he had a full handle on the rulebook. He began with a 6-10 season and ended with two of them. He screamed at Greg Schiano. He wiped that smirk off Tom Brady’s face. He got Tiki to stop fumbling. He defended his players to the enth.


I am going to miss the shit out of him.

