RALEIGH, NC—Saying they didn’t even want to think about what the legislation might possibly authorize or prohibit, North Carolina residents expressed feelings of deep-seated terror Thursday after hearing their state had passed a new law. “Oh God, this can’t be good,” said Raleigh resident Jennifer Mathis, echoing the sentiment of overwhelming dismay felt by citizens across the state upon learning their legislature had passed a bill and their governor had subsequently signed it into law. “I read the words ‘North Carolina Passes Law’ and my heart just sank. And it looks like they approved it really quickly, too. Christ, this is horrifying.” Several reports indicate that after skimming the first line of an article, the residents of North Carolina had quickly shut down their computers and backed away in fear.

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