A few hours ago Tara Reid tweeted “Had an amazing dinner with my great friend Corey Feldman” with an accompanying picture of herself, another blonde woman, and Corey Feldman. Of course he was throwing up the thumbs because really, what other pose is suitable when taking such a contrived and self-serving photograph? You know what happens when I go to dinner with friends? We eat. We talk. We leave. Thumbs remain firmly in place.

Speaking from a strictly personal standpoint, I just don’t feel the need to share a moment with people who do THE SAME FUCKING THING EVERY NIGHT OF THEIR LIVES WITH ZERO FANFARE. She ate dinner with friends and reported back to complete strangers to inform them of such. Let that sink in for a moment. “Hey everybody, I did something biologically necessary to survive!” Then come the RT’s and favorites. Who does that? Who retweets that Tara Reid ate dinner?

Tara says the dinner was amazing…okay. Lift the veil I say. What was so extraordinary about this meal? Did Corey reveal some salacious detail about his relationship with Michael Jackson? Did your Frankenboob pop out mid-dinner landing squarely in the Foie Gras leaving the surrounding diners red-faced?

Fucking tell me right now…What?!

What I ask, was so fucking mind-bendingly amazing about this dinner that she couldn’t let it just…be? Now, this is mere speculation on my part and I have no way of actually proving my theory…but here goes…

Nothing.

Nothing was amazing.

Nothing about her dinner with Corey and the nameless blonde lady was any more or less spectacular than the dinner you’ll have with your friends and/or family tonight…or any other night for that matter.

@ditkovonkirby from Twitter (obviously) says:

“I’ve never understood why posting an objection is always taken as anger rather than simple commentary”

I’m guessing it’s in the way I present myself at times, but I’ve often wondered the same. Just because I comment on something doesn’t mean I’m angry about it. Usually I’m not.

This is one of those times. I promise you, my feeling about this (and many other tweets) stems from a complete inability to comprehend why anyone aside from the three people at that dinner would care AT ALL that 1) they went to dinner, 2) how the dinner was, 3) if the dinner was or wasn’t amazing…I truly cannot fathom why anyone gives a shit about any of the above.

Oh, but they do. People DO care. If they didn’t, average (at best) looking women like the Kardashians wouldn’t be considered super models. C'mon man, it’s insane. I see better looking women than the Kardashians every single day of my life and not a one of them have any discernible shred of talent so exactly what kind of Faustian shit is going on here? Kim Kardashian sucked a cock on tape and Sears gave her an endorsement deal. What the fuck?!

Celebrity idolatry has always existed. Always will exist. At least in the past a celebrity had to do SOMETHING to earn some level of respect. They had to display a talent that rose above and beyond.

Having the “nicest ass on Instagram” qualifies you a celebrity? Gimme a fucking break.

Marrying a 50-something guy when you’re 16 and having your tits blown up to the size of beach balls shouldn’t earn you celebrity…It should earn you a full-time therapist.

Obviously I’ve been around celebrities a bit over the past twenty years and it still astounds me when “regular people” are blown away at how nice (fill in the name of the celeb) was to them. Why the fuck shouldn’t they be as nice, cordial, and polite as anyone else?

In my experience, they usually are. Matt Damon, great guy. Rosario Dawson, super good-natured and fun. Eliza Dushku, extremely sweet. Seth Rogen, down-to-earth fun dude. Affleck, really funny and very smart guy. Steven Yeun, personable beyond belief.

The common bond is, they’re all people with a body of work that speaks for itself. They aren’t compelled to persistently remind you that they’re somehow elevated and evolved by ironically enough, posting pictures of themselves doing the exact same shit we all do and always have done like eating dinner.

I’m not angry. I’m befuddled. I’m confused by joe and jane average orgasming all over themselves because someone who is no better than me or you, tweeted that they ate dinner…or any other meal.

Big fucking whoop, as we said back in the day.