Record: 1-1. Change on 2018: -1. Pace: 81-81.

Avid readers! Lend me your eyes! For today dawns a new season of Beercaps by your favorite and now newly engaged Turambar. That’s right ladies, Turambar is off the market and soon to be formally wedded to a red-headed beauty from the wilds of Arkansas.

I pray thee to weep not though, for my beercaps shall endure, and the suds shall continue to flow. So terry not any longer my followers of the snake cult, let us enjoy this second (and hopefully competative) match against the dreaded Doyers!

Beer 1: Toole Ave by Borderlands Brewing Co.

Pretty sure I finished last season with this beer. Not sure, but mostly sure. Trying to get the TV off anything other than Duke is rough. MLB Gameday App though tells me we at least threatened in the 1st thanks to a Dyson single. Sure would be nice though if I could see this game though.........gggrrrrrrrr

Ray Bae (saw that on Twitter) saw (finally) him power through the top of the Doyers order. Pretty sure my K Counter Bobble Head is gonna get some use this season. 0-0 going in to the 2nd.

Seeing Pollack in blue n white is troubling. Seeing that same Pollack crash a solo shot in to deep left is infuriating. After yesterday’s game that moment doesn’t exactly fill me with joy. 0-1 Doyers going in to the 3rd.

Well, at least Dyson understands how to get on base versus Stripling. You’d swear the rest of the team missed multiple ST games and not him. His efforts are thus far in vain, as we go into the bottom of the frame bothering Stripling only a smidge.

Beer 2: 480g IPA by Beer Research Institute

Ah yes, BRI, furthering the study of ales and lagers for years. No shady admissions processes with them, only the unending desire to delve deeper and deeper into the mysteries of beer.

Ray could do with studying from thier studying, for once again his inconsistency shines through in the 3rd; walking two again getting himself in far more trouble than needed. Make that three walks and we’re in deep doodoo with Pollack once again at bat and Ray once again unable or unwilling to throw strikes.

Pollack makes us pay yet again, and this time through the shift. 0-3 and tonight’s starting to look like yesterday.

Meanwhile, while this unpleasantness unfolds, MLB keeps sending me updates on how many home runs Goldy has hit. Guess what? He’s hit three...TONIGHT. FML.

Another inning of vague hope with Peralta and Lamb getting on base followed by futility. I know our offense, on paper, is supposed to be better that last year but I’m struggling to see it.

Ray keeps on walking in the bottom of the 4th of this increasingly painful game.

Beer 3: Relax It’s Just a Hazy IPA by Off Shoot Beer Co

Aftet watching the 4th this is exactly what I need. Something to help me Relax. A lot. It sure would be swell if Ray didn’t conspire to give me a heart attack each inning. Just saying.

Bats fail again in the 5th. In other news the sky is blue, taxes suck and hazy IPAs are glorious. Yay beer, boo Dback offense.

So it’s the 6th (finally) and Stripling is....removed? Why? He’s only thrown 76. Are the Doyers sending a message or in my need to enjoy this beer and engage in conversation with my fiancée I missed something? Madness.

Not like that pitching changed mattered one bit as we still fail to bring in runs: 0-3 going in to the bottom of the 6th.

Yoan Lopez comes in the 6th and though not efficient, he at least keeps the game in striking distance. Just need those bats to strike.

Baez in and after two outs Ahmed’s reaches by the grace of Buddha followed by Avila taking a well timed walked which brings up Walker “Thiccness” Ranger CRUSHING a bomb to deep center. Tie game!!!!!!! 3-3!!!!!

Beer 4: Gnar Gnar IPA by Lead Dog

Good feelings have returned this lovely Friday. I pray to Walker they remain. Though Yoshi’s leadoff walk kinda puts a damper on that. Followed by a double and the Seager bringing him in on a bloop single we’re tied no longer. 3-4 Doyers and Yoshi’s night blessedly ends right after that as we head in to the 8th.

Jones makes things interesting with a double in the 8th to move Freight Train to 3rd with only 1out. Let’s Go!!!!!!!!

Lamb intentionally walked to get to Marte who beats out the double play and we’re again tied. 4-4 going in to the bottom of the 8th.

Now it’s up to Archie, the same Archie that lives and dies off his fastball and not much else. Despite some ....excitement, Archie triumphs, which leads me to hopefully my last beer.

Beer 5: Disco Balloon Hazy IPA by Second Chance

We’ve had multiple chances in this game so one not drink one of those? Can’t make it happen in the top of the 9th but at least I can write on a game we ended up not failing at life like yesterday.

Chafin must have sensed me writing that because....oh wait...we somehow got out of the 9th with two on and no outs. Wow. Just wow.

Free baseball!!!! But at what cost? My liver for certain, but what else? Perhaps my sanity? Mostly my liver I’m guessing. Too bad we couldn’t help hasten the end of this in the top of the 10th, now it’s up to Chafin AGAIN to see us through.

Then it’s up to Andriese, who is (at best) effectively wild. To the point where he drills the home plate umpire. Not exactly promoting good feelings. Then he walks the bases loaded with 2outs, so, that’s cool. Then he pulls off some kind of Matrix move and saves the inning. Which leads me to this ...

Beer 6: Fatality IPA by McFate Brewing Company

FML. Forget about winning in regulation or even during last call. These are dark times that call for an aptly named beer. Our Sedona Red buddies do me no favors and I’m forced to retreat

Jim takes over. And the game rolls on, with more weirdness. The D-backs put two men on in the top of the 11th, then let Andriese hit for himself, despite having multiple bench players left. I guess Torey Lovullo really doesn’t like Caleb Joseph... Though I guess it’s more to do with closer Greg Holland being the only man left. The bottom of the 11th ends with another Dodger being thrown out at second, the call standing after review. Which is more than can be said for home-plate umpire Scott Barry, who apparently suffered some kind of delayed reaction to taking an Andriese fastball off the nose and leaves the game. On into the 12th inning and sixth hour of this one.

Turambar Re-Takes Over: Somehow this game endures, despite all odds. Somehow I endure as well. Huzzah.

Beer Elevendy: Hazy Gates IPA by Goldwater Brewing Co:

In all honesty I’m well and truly done at this point. It’s only my loathing of the Doyers that keeps me powering on this night. My will though, can only go so far. Even now as I type Jim preps for my eventual fall. Such is his faith in me. Yet I must say that faith is well placed, for this game has reached the point where our announcers must remark upon the very few left at Doyer Stadium.

Andriese still does a thing, and I’m certain Avila is totally over dealing with catching for him. He’s really been ALL over of the place.

OK, I’m over this. Night night

Jim again. Finally, in the top of the 13th, the D-backs scored. Nick Ahmed walked? Hit? Was hit? Got on base, somehow. He then stole second without a throw and... Caleb Joseph? Some catcher, anyway, coming off the bench for his first PA as a Diamondback, blooped a pitch just fair down the right-field line, scoring Ahmed. That opened the door for another Arizona debutant, Greg Holland, to come in and try to close out the game. Spring had been rough for Holland. but he struck out Pollock on three pitches, then fanned Corey Seager and got a fly-ball to Dyson for an entirely drama-free save, and ended the longest regular season game in Dodger Stadium history.

Bells and whistles, by Jim

Well, there won’t be any. The Fangraph gave up at the end of the 11th inning, and the roll-call tool isn’t working either. We can revisit both of these in the morning if anyone cares. I’ve no interest in hanging around. This recap is going to bed as quickly as I am. Put it this way: it became a pants-optional recap about 90 minutes ago. I do note we are almost at 1,500 comments, which is several hundred more than we managed on Opening Day. Comment of the night to DORRITO. Well, I’m assuming it is, anyway. If there was something further down that got 9+ recs, it’s your own fault there as well...