linus the bear Sep 12, 2003







quote: applefest came out of the closet to say:

Me and my family were vacationing out at some lake, and my father and I were showering in the public showers. I was in the stall next to his. Anyway I decided to jerk off since i had no chance to do it elsewhere. So I'm sittin there fappin away, but I can't really cum cause I couldn't keep my mind on things.



My dad finishes his shower and he's sitting there waiting for me to come out, and I'm standing there waiting for my jizz to come out. I guess it was taking longer than I thought cause he said "You dead?" And I say without missing a beat "Almost." There was a breif silence, and I just gave up cause at that point I had not only killed the mood for me, I had unwittingly let my dad know I was masturbating not 3 feet away from him. The walk back to our RV was pretty awkward.

Hah, Jesus christ dude, couldn't you wait until you got home?



I've got kind of a weird little story...



The year was 1998, my dad had just learned how to partially use a computer and surf the web, and apparently, like any other red-blooded american male, he decided to use this newfound technology to search for as many porno websites as possible.



I know this, because I found out the hard way.



Daddy-o was having a problem getting a motorcycle listing website to work, so he called my (at the time) fatass up the stairs and demanded I fix the "goddamned piece of crap" for him. (turns out that all he couldn't figure out was that in order to get to the next page, he had to hit the HUGE GO button at the bottom of the page) I did it for him, and moved the mouse out of the way of his view of the site, accidentally pressing on the left mouse button and clicking on the taskbar. I had postioned the pointer directly over a bar titled, "BIG BIG BIG".



The page popped up and immediatly assualted my young, virign eyes with huge images of mostly blond women, covered in oils, rubbing each other and grabbing each other's breasteses. And to top it off, the title of the page seemed to be referring to the size of their breasts. I've seen smaller bombshells in the firing bays of a submarine. These things were ungodly.



First thing my dad does is wave his hands arount, as if swatting a torrent of imaginary locusts away from his bald head. Then, he shouts, "oh HOLY FUCKK!" and procedes to fall back in his chair whilest grabbing for the mouse. He hit the floor like a sack of something filled with a ton of poo poo that's really heavy, and the sound shook the house.



Of course, being as the sound wasn't exactly subtle, my mother happened to hear it and pounded her way up the stairs. "WHAT THE HELL'S GOIN ON!?" she shouted as she lumbered towards the room like an elephant chasing after whatever the hell elephants eat when they're reallly hungry.



I didn't know what to do, my dad was on the floor shouting obsenities, and scrabbling around, trying to get ahold of something so he could pull himself up, and my mother was approaching from the right flank, ready to give out punishment to whoever was messing up her house.



I had a plan.



I sasheyed over towards the monitor, and proceeded to close every single window that was open, (at least two other's were porn, also) then, I opened a new window, and set it to AOL's homepage. (Which was our provider at the time)



I had finished helping my dad up just as my mother walked into the room. She asked, breathlessly, what we were doing up here, and I explained that I had been just messing around with my Dad, and accidentally knocked him over, no big deal. She said, "Whatever, just don't do it again..." and left.



I looked over at my dad and said, "I don't ask you anything about that, or anything related to that, and you don't ask me anything about that, or anything related to that, okay?" He nodded and said, "So you won't tell her, will you?", and i responded, "I won't just as long as you never tell her anything about what i've been doing." We shook on it, and that was that.