Canada, the moose-humping failed state to the north, won gold in women’s basketball at the Pan Am Games after beating the United States 81-73 Monday night. Whatever, hosers.


Canadian Kia Nurse, who plays for UConn (which is in America) and is only 19 years old, racked up 33 points, five rebounds, and three assists as the Canadians won their first-ever gold in the sport. Canada’s victory comes a day after the country beat the United States in baseball in an exciting walkoff win.


Canada thinks they’re so cool for beating the United States, don’t they? Fuck you, Canada. I was too kind to you yesterday. Take your goddamn medals and throw them in the trash, you trash people. Even if these medals were consequential, let’s check out the current count:

Eat a big butthole, Canada, and wash it down with a bag of milk.

Photo: AP