Why on Earth, then, are we still speaking to this archaic notion of “right-handedness” so much? Do you have any idea how a lefty feels when they hear that most of the population is “right” and they’re the opposite?

I know it sounds silly if you haven’t dealt with it. I can understand ignorance, but that doesn’t necessarily forgive it. Imagine spending your whole life being constantly reminded that you’re the opposite of right. Do you know what the opposite of right is?

It’s wrong. Society tells us, by calling our opposites “left”, that we are wrong. We are incorrect. Something about us - just by virtue of what our dominant hand is - doesn’t belong in the world, or at least doesn’t deserve the same esteem as those peers who are “right.”

We should find a new term to refer to the right handed. Why is it that, rather than changing the name of the oppressed party, we don’t change the name of the oppressors? Isn’t the burden to change on those who have committed the affronts to an oppressed minority? Some movements seem to have the right idea; creating terms like “singlets,” “cissies” and others.

We need a new word for the right handed. I propose we use nautical terminology: Let’s call them Star handed. On a ship, starboard is “right” of the bow. If we can remove the association of correctness from the side, we can help alleviate the oppression of the left handed.

What do you think? Let’s find some more politically correct terms for the left and right handed. Let’s make the world a better place.

Language is very important. Everyone knows that; political correctness pervades every aspect of our daily lives. We would never call an African American a “negro” or a “black” anymore, that would be terribly offensive. Calling a homosexual a “queer” or a “fag” is similarly awful. These oppressed minorities have fought hard for respect, and while their struggle isn’t over, civilized peoples have adopted a new, less offensive set of terms to refer to them.