[The YouTube video I based on this article is finally up! You can find it here]

This is the first blog post in what I suspect will be a series of blog posts on this subject, attempting to debunk the idea of non-binary genders, as well as point out the damaging and sexist viewpoints shared by the people who claim to be non-binary.

However to debunk something, one must be able to define it. So here are the definitions I will be using for the following:

sex: either of the two main categories (male and female) into which humans and many other living things are divided on the basis of their reproductive functions.

gender: a synonym for “sex”

When I speak about one’s gender or their sex, I am referring to the organs located between their legs. If they have a penis, they are male. If they have a vagina, they are female. I make an exception in the case of transsexual peoples, and refer to them as their chosen gender rather than the gender of their birth while they go through the process of reassigning their gender in an effort to show respect for them.

That’s it for me when determining if you are a man or woman. What body parts you have. Your attitudes, emotions, and preferences; none of these matter to me when determining if you belong to a certain gender.

I have grappled with my own gender for a long time. I had originally written the draft of this blog post to include my checkered past concerning my struggles with my gender and sexuality, but eventually decided against it. While I believe such information would help others relate to me and help make my point, I feel it’s a distraction from the points I wish to make on the topic at hand. I may make another post on this subject on it’s own in the future.

When a non-binary person defines gender, they often are separating it from biological sex. Instead, those pushing the non-binary label see societal gender norms as “gender”, and biological sex as something else. Possibly a “repressive system” to fight against while doctors “maliciously assign you a gender at birth”. Please picture me using overly exaggerated air quotes while saying that last sentence. They redefine the word to mean something completely different, which often causes confusion when speaking to those not versed in gender politics.

Calling one’s self non-binary is an effort to claim one does not conform to the societal gender norm of the two binary genders (male/female). However this act does not change one’s gender. It merely acts as a method of rebelling against societal gender norms.

While rebelling against such norms is a good and healthy thing, going about it by calling one’s self non-binary and claiming to be some brand new gender doesn’t actually perform any real rebellion. Instead what it does is reinforce existing gender norms, and reveals a sexist streak within the claimant.

“How can refusing to be labeled male or female reinforce gender norms?” you may ask. Let me explain.

To claim one is not male or female, one needs to define what IS male or female. Sadly while individual people when claiming to be non-binary often don’t go so far as tell us their definition, which varies widely at times, some do. And those that do often times include things like emotional tendencies (whether one is aggressive or nurturing for example), personal preferences (favorite colours, preferred television shows, interest in sports and hobbies, etc.) and common personality quirks. I have heard one person claim they prefer female pronouns because they like, among other things, “pink and ponies”. It’s killing me I can’t find the original video for this after over an hour of searching so I could link it.

These hyper-male/female definitions are often used as the true definition of male and female, and then the non-binary person rejects these stereotypes. However in so doing and pushing their views on others, they help cement this exaggerated stereotype within society as the actual definition of male and female rather than the stereotype it is. This is why I claim this view is also sexist: because they stereotype all men and women as very narrow, hyperized stereotype in their effort to be “liberal and progressive” by rejecting said stereotype.

So right now you must think what I am saying is a sort of word salad. Allow me to make a hypothetical example. Say being aggressive is viewed as a male trait by someone who is non-binary, and being emotional is viewed as a female trait. That person then defines male as “aggressive” among other things, and define female as “emotional” among other traits. They view themselves as not entirely aggressive, and state they are not male because they are not aggressive enough, and possibly not female because they aren’t emotional. They then make the claim they are non-binary because they are not male or female. By doing this, they make a requirement of being aggressive a part of being male, and emotional as being required to be female. By getting others to accept this requirement, they help cement this view whether it’s valid or not. And this is just one trait.

Now imagine when someone uses even more traits to form a narrow view of what IS male and what IS female. Male and female become just stereotypes people then can reject, rather than what they really are (a classification of creatures based on genitalia). And since very few, if any people conform to these imagined stereotypes, it actually means no one is male or female.

In the words of Syndrome from the movie The Incredibles: “And when everyone’s super, no one will be.”

If one wished to actually fight gender norms and tear them down, they’d probably be better off identifying as their biological sex, and just being happy with themselves and their choices. They’d actually accept the genders are not only not defined by societal gender norms, but they themselves are also not defined by their gender or their gender norm. They can do what they want, and not feel pressured to act more manly or more womanly, as both genders are just genitalia, and do not require you tote a line of conformity.

Instead the attempt to claim one’s self as non-binary actually only succeeds in drawing attention to one’s self. It’s an attempt to both join a collective of similar people while simultaneously attempting to beg for attention via a manufactured claim of being victimized by society.

To explain the former claim, I liken them to the Goth Kids in the South Park video game “Stick of Truth” (great game by the way). In the words of Poe from said game “If you want to prove you’re not a conformist you’ve got to look and act exactly like we do.” While this quote is a scathing commentary on goths by the creators of the South Park series, it can easily be applied to non-binary people. They are trying not to conform to what they view society as mass conforming to (whether that view is actually correct or not) by conforming to another like minded group.

To explain the later, think about when you use gendered pronouns. When was the last time you called someone a he or a she when talking directly at them?

The request not to use gendered pronouns is an attempt to force you to acknowledge their new choice of gender identity. They can’t really show it outwardly, since unlike dressing up like a goth there is no dress code for their version of male or female, and the movement hasn’t gone so far as invent a non-binary “style”. So instead they need to get you involved through another method. Since the only time your gender is acknowledged is when a pronoun is used, when you need to fill out some kind of form, or when you used a gendered bathroom, they need to get you to change how you treat them. Otherwise their choice is invisible.

At the same time, they get to be upset when you either unknowingly use the wrong pronoun (which all of us would do if we had no idea they had made this choice), or if you refuse to play along with their gender politics games. Now they can feel like an activist and a victim by constantly correcting everyone around them. And best of all, since you never say the pronoun directly at them, it only happens if you are speaking to someone else. You need to acknowledge their choice even if they aren’t there. One person I know went non-binary and when I referred to her as “she” while talking to other people (she wasn’t even there or in the same city), one of the people who were there felt compelled to constantly remind me that she wanted to be referred to as “they”. It turns normal conversation into a minefield where normal methods of identifying people is now a minefield of offense and victimization that requires you to modify the way you think to support their choice.

And all to draw attention to this person’s choice in how they express themselves. To make them the special little snowflake rebel.

And this is on top of the fact that this issue is often brought up in relation to the transsexual community when discussed by zealous members wishing to spread the word. Non-binary people like to pretend they are transsexuals almost, as if giving themselves a different label entitles them to a victim card. Transsexuals face actual hatred and bigotry. They face religious nuts condemning them for how nature made them, family members who may not understand what they are going through, and financial hardships as bigoted employers may choose not to support them during their transition. These non-binary people who like to claim they are somehow transsexual cheapen the actual struggle faced by these brave people by kicking up a screaming fuss over being called the wrong pronoun, while a true transsexual may face homelessness for their choices. They are jumping on the transsexual “bandwagon” as if to get a slice of that sweet, sweet victimhood without having to really do anything. And if they choose later they are tired of it, they can go back to being called he or she with no issue. True transsexuals can face bigotry their entire lives.

This is why the issue of the month is gendered bathrooms these days. Because the prevailing public sentiment is that it’s weird for a guy to be in the women’s bathroom, and vice versa. Women are creeped out by the idea of a guy watching them on the toilet, and men are creeped out by the idea of ladies peeping on them in the urinal. Compound this with the fact a lot of the news about this comes out of the United States, which tends to have a lot of wacko religious types trying to push their religion on EVERYONE, and you got a lot of people complaining about this issue from bigoted stances on both sides of the debate throwing mud at each other and not actually stepping back to examine their viewpoints. Transsexuals have faced this issue for a long time, and have had to face the indignity of being handed a special bathroom just for them, similar to how a certain dark skinned people were forced to use different water fountains in the not so distant past. The new influx of people jumping at the idea of being a transsexual as if it’s now the new vogue has added more fuel to the fire.

That said, am I against non-gendered bathrooms? No. From this whole gender discussion I think the bathroom issue, while annoying at times, is actually helpful. Besides making actual transsexuals more comfortable, it might actually break down some of the taboos concerning sex and sexuality, and make men’s and women’s bodies less of an oddity to the other sex. We may grow comfortable with our sexuality, and comfortable talking about it. In a few generations our kids may start getting a much better grade of sexual education in classes, because their parents aren’t a bunch of maladjusted worry warts obsessing about how awkward talking about sex is. And maybe true transsexuality will not be such a huge taboo and people can learn to accept the extreme minority of people who actually try to change genders.

I also rather like the efforts by some to denounce the labeling of clothes or toys as boys/girls toys. By breaking down the societal gender norms in children’s things, we can teach them to accept all kinds of behaviours, and be true to themselves. They can grow up happy in their hobbies and choice of attire, and generally live healthier lifestyles.

However we do need gendered labels for people for an evolutionary reason: being able to identify who is male and who is female at a glance makes it easier for us to find a compatible mate for the purpose of having children. We can’t totally eliminate gendered physical characteristics, and we really shouldn’t try, if only because doing so would make finding a partner more difficult.

My message to those out there who claim they are non-binary, or gender fluid, or whatever label you try to give yourself: Be happy with yourself. Labels are just that.

-Mad Skeptic

[Part 2 is now out! You can find it here.]