Car hazard warning lights are a pair of intermittent flashing indicator lights that flash in unison to warn other drivers that the vehicle is a temporary obstruction.

If you’re a total bellend – here’s 5 underrated ways to make maximise their use and selfishly fulfill one’s own personal needs.

1. You need to stop by your local co-op for some household essentials (beer and chocolate) but there’s no where to park. No bother, pull up next to a parked car, bang on the hazard lights and leave it in the middle of the road for other drivers to drive round.

2. You’re at traffic lights and you see your buddy but the lights have gone green. No bother – Bang em on, get the window down and chat away my friend – maybe stick your hand out the window and courteously gesture for other drivers to drive on around you but this is optional depending on the practicalities of space and size of ones ego.

3. You’re driving but the Mrs is on the blower. There’s no where to pull over, you haven’t got handsfree and you wouldn’t want to break the law… no bother – bang on the hazards and come to a stop at your leisure. You do have a call to take.

4. You’ve been to the drive through and you’re maccy d’s is cushioned between your legs all ready for the drive (it is fast food after all ?). You set off but youve gone through the ketchup way to quick and big mac sauce is a dribbling down your shirt. No bother – bang on the hazards, a quick wetwipe, line up a few more ketchup amd be on your way. The fuckers behind can wait – you’ll only be a minute and your food’s going cold.

5. You’re doing the school run. There’s cars and kids everywhere and no where to park. Fuck it, no bother, get the hazards on, leave the car anywhere, get all the kids out and take a leisurely stroll into school with the them. If you need to chat to Bobby’s Mum about the upcoming school fayre then do – people will just have to wait.