The very name is exotic, Belize. The kind of place where you walk onto the baking hot runway after landing and you’re glad you wore a knitted silk tie for the journey. We all have our vices yeah? Let your freak flag fly.

It used to be called British Honduras and became independent in 1981, keeping English as its official language. Sandwiched between Guatemala and Mexico, it has a population of about 350 000 and quite a bit to offer, jungles, Mayan ruins, beaches, diving, as well as an interesting drinkskultur.

You know I love my rum, not all countries and islands in the Caribbean produce it, some soils just can’t grow anything. Belize has at least two rum distilleries that I know of, Cuello and Travellers. Make sure to grab a bottle or two at the airport duty free when you fly in. I chose Travellers’ top of the line Don Omario 15 years old and was not disappointed, very distinctive, and not for mixing, that would be a waste. Contrary to habits we ended up drinking quite a bit of (local) coconut flavoured rum, kuknat, it mixed really well, was super wallet friendly and readily available at the closest store in the jungle, along with past due canned goods. Location, location, location eh?

The beer of Belize is also noteworthy, Belikin produces everything from lagers to a 7.5% Guinness, you’ll certainly find something to enjoy and if you’re lucky maybe you’ll get to taste one of their seasonal beers. Is it possible that beer is one of the better British colonial legacies? Yes.

We were headed to Ambergris Caye, it’s where the majority of the tourists end up, mostly because we found a house that suited the delicate tastes and needs of the D&C, and none of us had ever been. The house rocked.

Situated a few miles north of San Pedro, Ambergris’ only town (and incidentally the one referred to by Madonna in that song where she has brown hair), we wondered about the best way of getting there. Fly in from Belize CIty or grab a water taxi that would drop us off at our dock? The water taxi option won and though it was the easiest in terms of getting there, it was a longish boat ride that could become quite unpleasant if you hit rough seas. Also it was a bit depressing on the way back, as it gave everybody way too much time to ponder the fact that we were going back to our real worlds.

We bought boat tickets via the internetz that included the shuttle from the airport, the service was on point. It was a short drive through Belize City, who did not appear very idyllic from that vantage point, quite a few garden walls topped with broken glass and barbed wire. The dock where we boarded our water taxi/ferry had a punningly named bar/eatery. I’m not sure if it was the captive audience or just the going rates but beers were rather pricy. No matter, the first draft beer on foreign soil after a long-ish flight is always a moment of thankfulness.

Once at the house, after dumping the luggage and taking off my boots, the first thing I did was throw myself off the dock and into the water.

I was truly surprised. The water wasn’t warm at all, it was hot. HOT, hotter than the already tropical air. In all my ocean going adventures I’ve never experienced the sea this hot. I have no clue if it was exceptional or if it’s a seasonal thing, but we spent so much time in the water I’m surprised we didn’t grow gills.

Interesting thing about docks in Belize, apparently they are all public access from 6am to 6pm everyday. A boat can dock, a person can stroll onto it for lunch, whatever.

Another reason we were waterlogged most of the time was the pool. It’s hit and miss with pools when you rent houses, but this one was perfect. Warm, with a view of the ocean and with built in stools so we could work on our literary culture and soak at the same time. Also it made for the perfect bar. Oh yeah, it was nice.

There really aren’t very many cars on Ambergris, the most common way of getting around is the golf cart. Practical though they are, they aren’t the Speedy Gonzales of the four wheels world. Also once you’re out of San Pedro the roads will give even Indiana jones a hard time. The few miles to get into San Pedro took a solid 45 minutes. Woe to you if you aren’t covered in bug spray. The mosquitoes are faster than the golf cart, and whatever is exposed will be bitten. Alot.

San Pedro is a fairly small town where you’ll find pretty much anything you’re looking for.

From good dentists, to chicken assisted gambling to dive bars.

What’s that you say? Chicken assisted gambling? Are you cueing the sarcasm beers and talking about poltroons?

Au contraire, mon frère, chicken gambling is a very literal and real, if possibly gringo oriented, thing in San Pedro. It goes like this, there’s a floor with numbers, you purchase bits of paper with corresponding numbers. A chicken is brought out and shaken around a little. A volunteer from the audience will then proceed to blow air up the chicken’s arse, with their mouth (I believe contact is not required or recommended), and the poultry will be dropped on the floor. Let the fun begin (please see above for the sarcasm beers). At this point the audience mixes shouted entreaties and threats, the number the chicken craps on wins. Check it out at Wahoo’s lounge if you are so inclined.

Now to the diving and two controversies.

Being away from town we did not dive with Ambergris’ big operator. We preferred a smaller op nearby that would pick us up daily and as we were the only clients on that boat, it was basically bespoke diving. Also, said larger operator had recently been booted out by a prominent certification agency, and that’s never a good sign. Remember that when you dive you put your life in other people’s hands, even if it’s just because you breath from their tanks. You must do your own research and always stay the boss of you. Caveat urinator. Don’t just read review websites either, take a look at local news. Google is your friend, maybe the friend that looks through your window at night but still your friend.

The Blue Hole had been in the back of everyone’s mind at the D&C. Ever since Cousteau parked the Calypso on top and declared it one of the world’s greatest dives it’s become iconic, if not necessarily worth it. Opinions vary. About the man as well, it looks like he blasted through some corals using dynamite to get the Calypso over the Blue Hole. Even in France Cousteau has recently, well his legacy anyways, come under fire because of recorded behaviour that today might send you to jail. It’s all true, I’m not 100% on the dynamite (can’t trust the internet), but I would not put it past him. Cousteau was one of my childhood heroes and he still is. He’s also a scuba pioneer. Yes there’s a great deal of stuff you see his crew do in their documentaries that is completely unacceptable today, but that was 40 years ago. Divers and explorers no longer think it’s okay to kill sharks wantonly or to ride on giant land turtles, but all of that is also because of Cousteau, he opened the doors to that world and to the idea of conservation, even if it was with his period’s understanding and mentality. I know it’s barely two cents’ worth but there you go.

So we passed on the Blue Hole, the three hours boat ride each way was a deal breaker and with the rough seas we were having no one was looking forward to that kind of punishment. We’ll just have to go back and stay closer, there are some beautiful cayes in that area.

We dove surprisingly little in Ambergris, barely 8 times during our stay.The conditions were not really always favourable, I’m putting it mildly, twice we did one tank dives instead of two. Other days it was about staying out of the storm. That was October. It happens.

The water was never colder than 26 C (79 F), and Hol Chan Marine Reserve aside the dives were deep, 70 to 95 feet. The shortest dive was 37 minutes and the longest just over an hour. We were getting close to deco in some cases.

With the exception of Hol Chan, there were few smaller fishes (what I call the usual suspects) on the reef north of San Pedro. There were however legions of nurse sharks, and quite a few turtles and stingrays. The nurse sharks were not shy at all, they frequently followed us around, or swam right by us or under us. I imagine it’s because of all the chumming the dive operators do. On several dives our DM trailed a plastic jug filled with fishes behind him. Some nurse sharks even started going after the pockets of his cargo shorts. I’m really not a fan of the practice, it’s gets the official D&C stamp of disapproval. I wonder if Cousteau would think us effete.

Quite a few turtles, some of them huge, old and blind, Make sure they don’t bump into you by mistake, keep them away (gently) with your fins.

Diving Hol Chan Marine Reserve was one of the highlight dives of the trip. There’s a cut in the coral reef that provides access to the open ocean and lots of fish transit through there, I’m guessing the current also bring in nutrients. It’s quite a neat feeling to be sucked in by the cut as the tide is rolling in. Right next to it in the shallows is Shark and Ray Alley, a popular spot for snorkelers and for divers finishing up a tank and doing an extended safety stop/swim. Fishermen have been cleaning caught conchs in the area for years and the ground is littered with shells. The scene is reminiscent of something out of the first Terminator movie. Stingrays, nurse sharks, other fishes as well ( I remember a large puffer) still go there in great numbers and vye for food. Fish or conchs were being cleaned when we were there and it was a veritable feeding frenzy of rays and sharks. I promise the day I get the hang of editing video I’ll post some.

Overall our trip to Ambergris turned out to be more about some well deserved island time and general chillin’ than hardcore diving. Based on our limited experience would I recommend booking a trip to Ambergris exclusively for diving? I’m not sure, I guess it depends what season. Would I recommend you dive if you’re already there? Absolutely.

You know what, sometimes it’s okay if it’s mostly about the chillin’, and Ambergris was a great place to do it.