WASHINGTON—In a military acquisition officials are calling “so fucking badass,” the Pentagon announced Monday that they have allocated the $600,000 necessary to purchase the actual gun used by Al Pacino in the iconic 1983 film Scarface. “It may seem at first to be a disproportionate expenditure, but this gun is the real deal. When we saw it was up for sale, we knew we had to move some money around to make it happen. I mean, Pacino actually touched this thing while filming,” said Secretary of the Army Mark Esper in a statement to the press, adding that the full auto-converted Colt model AR-15 with an under-barrel-mounted M203 grenade launcher was “100 percent legit authentically” the same gun wielded by mobster character Tony Montana before holding up the gun and shouting, “Say hello to my little friend!” in order to demonstrate the weapon. “We would have paid just about any price to acquire the weapon for the best-armed and -equipped military in the world, but actually, we were able to get a bargain on it by acting so fast. Luckily for this bad boy, we were able to get Congressional approval right away.” Esper confirmed that the gun will be displayed in the Pentagon lobby in the same display as the bazooka from Rambo and the blaster from Star Wars: Episode V—The Empire Strikes Back.

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