Summary: Valentines' Day - a day of love, pink, and chocolates. In the spirit of the coming holiday, Hiratsuka-sensei gives her Modern Japanese periods an assignment: write a love letter. So naturally, Hikigaya writes a love letter to the person he loves the most.

Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru

Chapter 7

And so, He Speaks to Everyone but Her

oO oOoOo Oo

I've been having these thoughts lately. Like, is any of this real or not? [1] Perhaps I am a God - a God of Destruction - and my consorts are woe and treachery. Everything King Midas [2] touched turned to gold: everything I touch turns to ruin.

The threads between people are fragile. It's a curious twist that time hardens these threads into unbreakable bonds - like two electrons swirling in perfect symphony of covalence. It is a state of perfect balance.

When these bonds are broken, those connected suffer.

It is human nature to seek culpability in a time of suffering. When things don't go a certain way, people find ways to place blame. But to point at a single source of error is ridiculous. To judge others, stupidity.

But you can judge yourself. You can always judge yourself.

Mea culpa. Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa. [3]

Then again, maybe nothing was destroyed at all.

If it never existed, if it was like the reflection of the moon in the water, could such an illusion be destroyed? Can the ideal cease to exist in the face of reality?

"Onii-chan, is that you?"

A light flicked on in the room. It was my adorable little sister, Komachi, who walked in rubbing her eyes.

"Yeah. It's a me." My feigned Italian plumber accent did little to warm the mood. I was sitting on the couch. It was late when I got back. I didn't feel like going home, so I biked. I don't know where I went, I just biked.

"Have you eaten?"

I nodded.

Komachi let out a frustrated sigh. "You could have let Komachi know, you know? Onii-chan's so unfair to his little sister sometimes…"

"Sorry." I didn't mean to forget.

"Yes, yes," Komachi said, waving her hand in front of her face. She took a glass out of the dishwasher and went to the sink. "Just take what Komachi cooked for you for lunch tomorrow." She turned the tap on.

"Meat. Lots of it. Please and thank you."

Still staring off to space, I wanted to eat something that had a mother. Maybe I just like the thought of knowing my food suffered. Now that I think about it, farms are basically genocidal camps for vegetables. Systematic and brutally efficient - with each motion dictated by the seasons and perfectly executed.

That kind of life - did I secretly wish to be a brocolli?

They say that humans feel regret because they feel guilt. One cannot exist without the other. Both emotions are supposed to serve as reminders for the wrongdoings of the user. It eats at them from the inside. It destroys them. It's a reminder of who they truly are. Weak. Disgusting. Vile. Regret is the true reflection of what it means to be human.

"Onii-chan, you're creeping Komachi out."

A hand waved in front of my face. Komachi stood in front of me with her other hand wrapped around a cup of tea.

"Sorry."

"Sorry?" When someone says 'sorry?' back to you - it means apology unaccepted. Komachi plopped down beside me. She blew on her drink causing the steam to float towards my direction and itch my nose. "Onii-chan, you're being OOC."

"OOC? Me?"

Out-of-characterness doesn't exist. Submitting yourself to archetypes is to act under society's hegemony. Everybody is in character until the day they die. If anything, being dead is the most out-of-character one can be.

"Un," Komachi nodded. "Usually Komachi would be victim to one of your disgusting talks or something."

Ouch. I think I just got knocked out by Komachi's signature one-inch punch.

"So?" Komachi put her glass down. "What's bothering onii-chan?"

"Well…"

"It's… hard to explain."

"Is it something to do with Yukino-san?"

"Huh?"

I looked at Komachi. Was she a mind reader?

"Jiiiiiiiiiii…" Komachi looked at me closely. "No… Yukino-san is part of the problem, but onii-chan seems to be disturbed by something… else… ah! It was Yui-san!"

Definitely. She was definitely a mind reader.

"Ah!" Komachi's eyes narrowed. "Onii-chan…" she said, "you didn't do something H to Yui-san, did you?"

"W-wha-? No!"

"Because I found Yukino-san's note, and I've seen your collection…"

So that's where Yukinoshita put the- hey! That's my property!

"Look," I sighed. "It wasn't anything like that, okay?"

"Komachi knows that."

"Then why did you ask?"

"Because Komachi wanted to tease onii-chan! Oooooh, that was really high on Komachi points!"

Komachi's smile was brighter than a Christmas tree. She elbowed me in the ribs all while repeating 'High score! High score!'. Having enough, I reached over and used one of the best of my 108 techniques - 'Unrelenting Tickle'.

"Onii-chan, wa-wait!"

Komachi may be the favored offspring in the family, but that only meant I had to learn to win my fights underhandedly. Chivalry is from a bygone era. Rewards goes to the victors regardless of how dirty they play. That's just the kind of world we live in.

Maybe it's not the world Yukinoshita Yukino would want, though.

"Okay, okay! No points for Komachi! No points!"

Satisfied with her submission, I scooted back. Komachi was curled up in a ball, still giggling in the aftermath.

"I win," I said smugly. "That means a very high boost in Hachiman points."

"Yes, yes," Komachi said, righting herself. "Onii-chan sexually assaulted his younger sister in order to ensure a victory. I can see it now… 'An unnamed student, named Student A, from the Chiba area has been arrested for the most heinous of crimes...'"

"W-wait, agh…" Oi, oi, I already told you that I'm not a sis-con!

"But anyways," Komachi said. "Casualties aside, onii-chan seems to be better now, ne?"

"Hm?"

"It's a little disgusting, though. Komachi's not used to seeing onii-chan smile."

… heh. Wait… is my smile some kind of ill omen!?

"I'll buy you some melon pan [4] tomorrow."

"Hooray!" Komachi cheered, throwing her arms over her head. Excellent, olive branch extension plan successful. When all else fails, bribe your younger sibling with food. You do not conquer enemies with blood or steel but by taking their language and their stomachs.

My little sister is too cute that I couldn't believe it.

"And uh… about what happened with Yuigahama-"

Komachi held up her hand. "No."

"Huh?"

So that's her plan? Attempt to lower my guard so she could interject the question innocently and I would respond casually and without thinking? Ha. Too many years as an older brother has made me immune to such attempts.

Besides, it's not her fault.

Komachi shook her head. "Komachi doesn't need to know."

"You don't?"

"Unless onii-chan wants to tell Komachi, then she won't force him to."

…

"Thanks."

"Besides," Komachi said. "Komachi is sure that whatever onii-chan did, there had to be a valid reason, ne?"

"I'm not so sure about that."

"Then in that case, apologize to Yui-san when you see her again! Onii-chan's such an idiot - honestly, there's not going to be any girl who would want to marry you. Mom and dad might have to put you on a train to a sanitorium."

Is she comparing me to Jiro Horikoshi? [5]

"Oi oi, keep insulting me like that and you won't get your melon pan…"

"Ack! Onii-chan, you're so mean!"

Talk about the pot calling the kettle black…

Ruffling her hair, I told her, "Go to bed."

"Yes, yes…" Komachi yawned, standing up. "Goodnight, onii-chan!"

And as Komachi closed the door behind her, I was once again alone in the now lit-up room.

oO oOoOo Oo

The rumors about Hayama Hayato and Yukinoshita Yukino haven't died down at all.

There's a saying that a lie gets halfway around the world before the truth gets its pants on. I think Lincoln might have said that. Or Einstein. Actually, it might have been Miyamoto Musashi… well, it was probably some guy who has a lot of slander associated with his name… maybe some AKB48 idol? Who knows.

The point is, rumors travel fast and die hard.

The lifespan of the rumors were aided greatly by the fact that the two persons of interest had not been attending school. Yuigahama was dealing with it as expected: nervously shrugging off any probing question. Miura was also behaving as expected. She was mad. Constantly mad. Like, earth-shatteringly, mind-numbingly, mad. Perhaps she should begin building an altar to Khorne. [6]

Ebina cried in her little corner over the failed Hayama x Hachiman ship.

Well regardless the greater masses still held the topic in great interest. The teacher wasn't doing well to help either, since every question on where the two have been was met with the same answer:

"Family business."

That's the sort of stuff that lets imaginations go fanatical. Cliques rose and fell as whatever new tidbit of information made waves throughout. Theories ranged from the sheer impossible (Hayato-kun is actually a female and Yukinoshita=san is a male!) to the ridiculous (I heard Yukinoshita-san was adopted and her parents were cats) to the plain plausible (Hayato-kun's more fond of men).

But the rumors that unsettled me the most was the one I found hardest to deny:

(Maybe Yukinoshita and Hayato are engaged? Hehe! Maybe they've eloped!)

The gossiping children expected nuptials.

Whatever the arrangement was, it still kept the two of them on top of their homework. The teacher would occasionally praise Hayama even if he wasn't there - suggesting he must have been doing the homework with the same 'let's-put-our-best-foot-forward!' attitude. Seriously though, instead of motivating us - I just felt bad that our quiz scores and assignments were getting dominated by an absentee student.

At least there were no rumors at home. Home was a moment's reprieve and kept the winter weather out.

Despite it being lunchtime, the classroom was still packed. It was raining outside. What a shame. Then again, it wasn't like I was going to go out in the cold. I'd already finished Komachi's leftovers. It was great. I swear that little sister of mine spoils me too much. But with now nothing to do, I'd begun listening in on other people's conversations.

And then, I just so happened to hear…

"Oi, oi. Has anyone heard from Hayato?"

Virgin Ooka once again shows why he's a minor character.

"I don't know, man. Hayato's been really secretive lately, you know?" said the overly friendly Tobe. "It's like he's turned into… Hikitani-lite or something."

There's only one version of me. And for the last time, who the heck is Hikitani?

"H-Hikitani and H-Hayato-kun…" was all Ebina managed before she collapsed onto her desk, mourning the loss of her OTP.

Miura was quietly staring out the window. She seemed to be entranced by the raindrops falling down the glass.

It was times like this that the influence of Hayama Hayato became rather noticeable. He was the glue that kept the group together. Without him, they all just started falling apart. It's like pack of beasts maintained only by the presence of the alpha male. All others in the pack are subservient to the alpha's leadership and existence. Without the alpha, they'll collapse and the facade of structure and orderly society is gone.

And then they become savages.

"U-um…" Yuigahama spoke up. "I… I heard from Yukinon that-"

"Her?" Miura's voice was colder than the weather. "What did she have to say about Hayato-kun?"

"N-nothing! It was just-"

"Then why are we talking about her?"

"I-"

"Honestly," Miura said, glaring at Yuigahama. "Learn to read the situation."

"Then let me finish!"

The class room fell quiet. Miura looked like she was slapped in the face. Yuigahama… Yuigahama looked…

"Unfair…" Yuigahama's eyes were glued to her lap. Her hands were shaking. "Yumiko's… really unfair sometimes, you know?"

There is an old truth in the world - that everybody has their limits. No matter how nice someone is, patience is not limitless. Chip and chip and chip away at it, and eventually all that's left is raw emotion.

"I was saying…" Yuigahama said quietly. "Yukinon told me the other day that her family's holding a gala at her house. A lot of her family's friends will be there. And since… since Hayato-kun is a childhood friend of Yukinon's, I was just thinking…"

The silence was unsettling. Everyone must have been shocked that Yuigahama was angry at Miura. 'She's nice!' they say. 'She would never do anything like that!'. They're wrong. Just like I was wrong. Nice girls are nice girls. Yuigahama is Yuigahama. They aren't the same thing. They're homonyms, but they have different meanings. They're synonyms, but their definitions vary. A nice girl is always like Yuigahama, but Yuigahama isn't always like a nice girl.

No.

Yuigahama Yui was just a girl.

And right now, she's…

"Yumiko's really unfair." Yuigahama's voice was trembling. "More people hurt than just Yumiko, you know? I get that everyone's all confused and upset by what's happening, but even I-!"

Yuigahama looked up and met my eyes. They were shining, just like that day on the lantern-lit road underneath the night sky.

"Even I…"

Yuigahama stood up. "Sorry," she managed before running out the door. The slam echoed through the silent classroom.

"Y-Yui!" Ebina stood up. "Yumiko, come!"

"U-uh-" Miura was stunned. Something that looked like remorse was forming in her eyes. "I… I-"

"You need to apologize!"

"… right."

The door slammed again as the girls ran out. It was still silent.

"What's wrong with her?" Yamato asked.

"I dunno," Tobe said, scratching his head. "Wait… could it be… could it be that Yui-chan likes Hayato too?"

And then the classroom exploded.

oO oOoOo Oo

"Hikigaya."

"Mm?"

Last period had come and gone. Yuigahama never returned to class. Miura and Ebina came back empty handed. Despite Hiratsuka-sensei's best efforts, the class paid no attention to her teaching, too busy gossiping about the possibilities of a love triangle.

Humans are stupid like that. Rumors are rumors, right? No. Do you know why humans hate looking in mirrors? Do you know why they always complain about their reflection? It's because the reflection is who they truly are, and they refuse to admit that. Humans are sick. Humans are twisted. Humans are what they hate. Ignorance is bliss. It allows them to feel that they're important to the world. It allows them to feel that they're all the sun in their own little solar system.

And that is why humans are stupid. That is why they always will be stupid.

"Ack!"

A fist slammed the top of my head.

"W-what was that for?"

"Don't space out on me!" Hiratsuka-sensei snapped before rubbing her temples. "The troubles of youth, I swear."

Don't take your frustrations about aging out on me!

"So?" Hiratsuka-sensei leaned against the desk in front of me. "What's wrong?"

"Beats me."

"Don't give me that," Hiratsuka-sensei exhaled. "The three of you have been weird ever since the Cupid Express."

Why the heck did they even call it the Cupid Express? It just sounds like a disaster - like one of those old Western films where the mustached villain ties and bounds a defenseless damsel in front of a speeding locomotive. Life is the rails and the train is a big, black, metallic cold slap of reality.

"I'm telling you, it's all in your head…"

"Do you want me to punch you again?"

"Isn't the obvious answer no?"

Punch.

"Sometimes you're quite the masochist," she said.

Indeed. Maybe I'm just yearning for punishment.

Folding her arms and crossing her legs, Hiratsuka-sensei waited expectantly. Damn. And here I thought I could get out of this… still, this unmarried teacher of mine did give good advice from time to time.

"I've made a terrible mistake."

"That's to be human. There's nothing wrong with making mistakes. I mean, if you want to talk about terrible mistakes then agreeing to let a guy move in with you after the first date is-"

"I think I've made a big one."

"Did you knock a girl up?"

"No…?"

"You're going to have to try harder then." Hiratsuka-sensei then took out a pack of smokes and lit one up before puffing out a perfectly formed ring. "Youth is the time for mistakes."

"Mistakes are errors. Youth is just an excuse. As long as you're rational-"

"Humans aren't rational. That's the simple truth."

"We can be perfectly rationa-"

"Humans as a whole aren't rational, Hikigaya. We're stupid, incoherent masses of storm and stress. We strike each other. We claw at each other. We make each other bleed. And all for what? Because we are scared or we hate or we fail to understand. If we were rational beings we wouldn't be fighting with each other and we'd just eat nutrient porridge everyday."

"… you have a point."

"Of course I do," Hiratsuka-sensei sighed. "So, what's this big mistake?"

"I…" I paused. "I think I've burned a bridge with someone."

"I see… and?"

"Things are different now. They're not the same. Maybe I wanted something different, or I wanted more of the same - but I couldn't stand the way things were going."

"I still don't see the problem, Hikigaya."

"What do you mean? The bridge is burnt. There's no crossing it anymore."

A soft, sincere smile spread over Hiratsuka-sensei's face. She began humming, "Nobody knows who I really am…"

"That's the old ending theme. You're really showing your age."

"Hey, life is like a boat."

"Are you really taking life lessons from an anime?" [7]

Hiratsuka-sensei crossed her arms and smirked in delight.

"When bridges fall down, we don't leave their ashes as monuments to our failures," she said. "We pick up the pieces, examining what we did wrong. We learn from our mistakes. You're not a savage beast or a monster that doesn't learn. You have hands and feet and a heart in the right place."

…

"What do you want me to do?" I finally said.

"I don't want you to do much. Then again, what I want doesn't matter. Do what you want - that's how people should live their lives. But you're going to have a bad time living a life alone, Hikigaya."

"I've lived alone for most of my life."

"Can you go back to that?"

No.

Hiratsuka-sensei didn't need to hear me say it to know my answer.

"Mend the broken bridges, kiddo. Or rebuild them. Whichever one takes more work. The only time that's late is never. That or if the guy already found a new woman he's shacking up with… argh!"

"Why should I do the one that takes more work…?"

Hiratsuka-sensei leaned forward and rapped me on the head. "Because the good things that last in life don't come easy, idiot."

"That's the second time someone's called me an idiot in less than 24 hours."

"Then that other person's much smarter than me." Hiratsuka-sensei stood up and stretched. "If you're going to do what I think you're going to do, she's already borrowed the key."

"Thanks. Oh, and by the way…"

"Hm?"

"In your desperate effort to look cool in front of a student, did you forget that you can't smoke in the classroom?"

"Nyack! I completely forgot!"

Shaking my head, I walked away as Hiratsuka-sensei began opening all the windows. Honestly, there was just no middle ground when it comes to this teacher.

I was about to stride out the door before I heard it.

"Hikigaya."

"Yeah?" I stopped and turned around. Hiratsuka-sensei was looking at me with something like a deep sadness lurking in her eyes.

"You can't save everyone all the time."

oO oOoOo Oo

I was on my way to the club room when I felt someone bump my shoulder.

"Senpai…"

The voice was like the purr of a cat but the aggressiveness of a wolf-dog.

"What?"

"You're so mean, senpai…" Isshiki Iroha ran in front of me and started walking backwards. "Is it wrong for a kouhai to see her senpai after so long?"

Just about as wrong as it is to pick up girls in a dungeon. [8] Seriously, must all main protagonists of harem anime these days be so generic and stupid?

"Sorry, I'm busy."

"Yes, yes," Isshiki sighed. "I'm busy too, thanks to a certain someone making me student council president. But hey, at least I try to keep up with other people."

Shade. Shade everywhere.

"Anyway senpai, where are you headed?"

"The club room."

"Oh?" Isshiki cocked her head. "You're still having meetings even though Yukinoshita-senpai's not around?"

"Something like that."

"Oho…" Isshiki's eyes narrowed. Oi, oi, get your mind out of the gutter! "Well then! Since I'm heading that way, I'll walk with you."

"Sure."

We walked in silence. Hiratsuka-sensei's words were still bouncing around in my head. 'You can't save everyone all the time'. That woman had said something similar to me back at the cultural festival. What did she mean by that? Does she know something I don't? Right now, the only person I'm trying to save is me.

"Senpai, you're looking a little down."

"I am?"

"Yeah, you look a little more disgusting than usual."

Should I be worried that I'm desensitized to these insults?

"Well… some things have happened," I said offhandedly. "What about you?"

Isshiki blinked. "Me?"

"The Cupid Express…" I stopped.

"Yes…"

"W-weren't you sad Hayama got confessed to by Yukinoshita…?"

Isshiki tilted her head curiously. "Was I?"

"Y-you looked hurt, that's all…"

"Eep!" Isshiki jumped backwards in a defensive position. "What are you doing? Are you stalking me? Were you waiting for an opportunity to confess? That's kind of creepy. Sorry, I already have someone I like. He's smart and athletic, so he's really hurting your chances to go out with me right now."

"Hurting zero chances is a thing? Am I hitting negative percentages?"

"Senpai." Isshiki began rubbing her forehead in feigned annoyance. "Please study up on your statistics. There are no such thing as negative percentages. I fear you won't be able to get into a good university and get a decent job. How are you going to support my spending habits without a proper job?"

"What am I? Your serf?" [9]

Isshiki eyed me mischievously. "If I had it my way, you'd be something way worse!"

That's not how you soften the idea of enslavement!

"Still," Isshiki said thoughtfully. "It's weird that senpai noticed something like that, though."

"I'm perceptive."

"Ehhhh…"

We finally arrived outside the club room's door.

"Well then," Isshiki said. "As much as I'd love to stay and chitchat I've got official student council president business to take care of!"

"Good luck with those then."

Puffing up her cheeks, Isshiki closed the distance between our faces. "Don't forget, senpai, it was you who got me knocked up with this responsibility in the first place."

K-knocked up with this responsibility? I'm not the father. I'm definitely not the father!

"So… senpai… you better take responsibility, when the time comes, okay?"

"W-wait-!"

And so Isshiki Iroha ran off to do her duties.

"That girl. Honestly…"

With a sigh, I turned around and found myself outside the service club once more.

"Okay…"

I slid open the door.

"H-Hikki?"

Yuigahama was sitting, framed by the setting sun. Her eyes widened before she rubbed them on her sleeve.

"Y-yo…"

"Un," Yuigahama mumbled. When she showed me her face again, there was a smile on it. "Yahallo… ne?"

The air was still. To be honest, I think that neither of us quite knew what to say. I looked down. There were still shards of melting chocolate on the ground. It was difficult to do anything more than grit my teeth.

"Ah!" Yuigahama noticed what I was looking at. "S-sorry! I didn't clean up properly… ehehe…"

"It's okay. It's my fault, after all."

"No, no!" Yuigahama shook her head. "It was mine! I was clumsy and the chocolate fell a-and…"

Lies are beautiful things. Accepting it as a truth grants yourself ignorance. But in that ignorance you're allowed to see things the way you wish for them. It's the thirst for optimism and happiness that causes humans to embrace these lies. Yuigahama Yui and Hikigaya Hachiman both knew what happened yesterday, but Yuigahama Yui chooses to believe in the façade. She chooses to believe because the alternative hurts her.

"U-um…" Yuigahama said. "C-could… is it possible that we can forget that yesterday ever happened? I-I mean… it's kind of like, awkward now, you know?" She cast her stare to the ground. "I'm sorry for putting you in that kind of position…"

"No. I can't accept that."

"W-what do you mean?"

"We can't pretend that it never happened because it did. We…"

Lies are indeed beautiful things, but the truth of the matter is, is that lies do more harm than good. They provide a temporary save haven, but that's the thing. They're temporary. That's why… that's why it'd be better for people to rely on the truth… to rely on what's… genuine.

"… we should be more honest with each other."

"Y-yeah." Yuigahama sounded sad. "I guess… I guess you're right, ehehe…"

"Sorry."

"No, no." Yuigahama gave a smile. "It's just like you said, you know?"

"… yeah."

The tension in the air started to decrease. The club room itself started to feel warmer.

"You know…" I said, scratching the back of my head. "I still owe you a trip to the theme park."

Yuigahama's ears perked up.

"Y-yeah! We should all go together!"

"All?"

"Mmhmm!" Yuigahama nodded with a bright smile. "You, me, and Yukinon, ne?"

"… yeah. All of us."

One of humanity's many regrets on their deathbed is wishing that they could do things over again. It's like they hope that life is made of multiple saves, and they can access a previous entry and start again. Maybe this time they could do it right. Maybe this time thing would be okay. Maybe. Just maybe, if given another chance, then their life could have turned out better.

I've toyed with this idea in my head for quite some time. What could have happened if I could redo things? Maybe I wouldn't be who I am now. Once upon a time I would have been happy with that. Even now, a part of me is relieved at the thought, but…

But…

Everything I've done. All of the mistakes I've made… they've all led me here. If I hadn't been who I was and done what I did, then I wouldn't have met any of the people I know now. And… and most of all…

If I had done things differently, then I wouldn't have ended up in this room a year ago, with chairs stacked at the back, a table set out in the middle, and a lone girl reading a book by the window.

oO oOoOo Oo

It was Friday night. I'd beaten every game on my PSP and whatever games I had left lounging around. The monotony of the day had gotten to me where I even began studying. I imagine if I carry on studying through Saturday that I'll perform admirably on the science tests this time around.

Saturday… spent studying…

Somehow I felt my youthful school life was not how I imagined…

The phone rang.

Only after I had accepted the phone call without checking who it was, did I realize how quickly I leaped towards the device. I banged my shin on the coffee table. It hurt, but at least I didn't stub my toe.

The cold glass frame pressed against my ear. Only then did I wonder who had called me.

"Haro haro!"

Oh.

"What is it?"

It didn't mean to come out cold, but my mouth was working on its on.

"You're mean, Hikigaya-kun!" Yukinoshita Haruno pouted. "Are you still annoyed about the bakery? Or perhaps you're still upset about the wedding reception? Ara ara, you're awfully effeminate - holding grudges isn't good you know? What if you become a ghost that haunts a video?"

If I was going to haunt anything, I haunt the most antisocial gamer in the world and make him have to date girls or else he will die. At least then it'd be entertaining. [10]

"What do you want?"

For reasons beyond my consciousness, I actively changed the subject.

Haruno-san sighed. "I just wanted to check up on my ex-brother-in-law, you know?"

"Ex? I never was your brother-in-law."

"Yes, yes! And you never will be."

Her voice struck a chill through my room. I could almost see that plastic smile in my mind.

They all have the same smile.

"But you looked like such a fool back then!" Haruno-san laughed. "You were so ridiculous, Hikigaya-kun. Too funny! If mother and father weren't seated right there, I'd have laughed on the spot. You know how hard it was to keep a straight face through all of that?"

"I was sick…"

"Anyways," Haruno-san said, completely ignoring me. "My mother detests you. Hehe! If you had asked, you might have gotten a chance to marry Yukino-chan. Because then when you're my brother-in-law, my mother can dedicate every single day to making you want a divorce."

"I'd sign the papers right away," I scoffed.

"But wouldn't that make her sad?"

"Why would your mother be…?"

"Are you still sick, Hikigaya-kun? Because you're slow today~"

Oh. She didn't mean her mother. Wait… why-?

"Anyways, father still likes you," Haruno-san said. I could just picture the tooth-filled smile as she said it. "Maybe you can meet him at the mansion… ah… but I'm not allowed to invite any friends to the garden party. Fooey!"

Mansion? Friends? Garden Party? I think Yuigahama might have mentioned it…

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, you see… ah."

There was silence at the other end. I heard scuffling and people talking in the background… one was Yukinoshita Haruno… and the other was…

"… Hikigaya-kun?"

There was a loud bang, like a table got knocked over. Then came a lot of heavy breathing and shouting in the background before there was the sound of a door being slammed. Was Haruno-san being chased? There was a lot of screaming…

Wait…

Am I witnessing a murder via phone call?

"H-hey…" I said. "Are you okay? Hey! Are you there-?"

"Sorry!" Haruno-san sounded breathless, like she had just run around the world in 80 days. [11] "I was eating a delightful slice of salmon but it fell onto the floor."

"Like hell it did!"

Yukinoshita Haruno isn't a United States President! She doesn't suddenly start fainting from eating traditional Japanese food! [12]

"Honest!"

Few things are as infuriating as a person withholding knowledge and giggling at your lack of it.

"Anyways, Hikigaya-kun. We're having a big shindig… this… woo! It's hot in this closet."

"Closet? What are you doing in a clos-"

The sound of a banging wood could be heard on the other line.

"Oh you know, it helps me meditate," Haruno-san shouted over the noise. "But anywho! Garden Party. The day after tomorrow! Family and friends of the Yukinoshita clan only~! You gotta have a big name to come since it's a fundraiser for a big family. You know like if you're a Hayama, or a Minamoto, or a…"

"… right," I gritted my teeth. "What are you getting at?"

"Hey! you know that girl who rejected you? Kaoru… Kairi…"

My mind was suddenly haunted by a vision from the past.

"Orimoto Kaori," I said, gritting my teeth.

"She's on the list too," Yukinoshita Haruno exclaimed excitedly.

"That's great to know, but-"

A loud rip sounded over the phone, like as if wood had been torn apart by a sledgehammer.

"I think I'm going to have to come out of the closet now."

For the first time since I've known her, Yukinoshita Haruno sounded a little scared.

"Good luck! Tata for now!"

Click.

The phone call ended. What the heck was that? And good luck? Good luck with what? Why would Yukinoshita Haruno tell me about some random get together?

Wait…

Invite only…

Orimoto will be there…

Maybe this was Yukinoshita Haruno's way of doing things… never direct, never confrontational. Always an observer that nudges instead of pushes. I was feeling lost in the monotony of the day - and the woman gives me a goal to obtain. And the keys were laid plainly for me to grasp…

… all I need to do is but ask.

The depths of human despair is measured by how far they are willing to sink to the challenge. Humans don't rise to challenges, they buckle and bend and eventually break.

It's a strange stratagem, to ask one girl to see another girl - if I wanted to see Yukinoshita Yukino again, then my course is clear: I must ask out Orimoto Kaori again.

oO oOoOo Oo

And so, He Speaks to Everyone but Her Fin

Next Chapter: A Date with Orimoto Kaori is Fatal

Footnotes:

[1] Like, is any of this real or not? - Kingdom Hearts.

[2] King Midas - Wanted gold because of his greed and kills his own beloved daughter.

[3] Mea culpa. Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa. - "My fault. My fault. My most grievous fault." Used to signify that Hikigaya feels guilty and has sinned. Also sexual innuendo stuff.

[4] Melon pan - The best. Google it.

[5] Jiro Horikoshi - The Wind Rises.

[6] Altar to Khorne - CHAOS!

[7] Nobody knows who I really am/Life is like a boat - the first ending song of Bleach.

[8] "Just about as wrong as it is to pick up girls in a dungeon." - Dungeon ni Deai wo Motomeru no wa Machigatteiru Darou ka.

[9] Serf - a Russian slave bound to land or nobility, rather than a person.

[10] The most antisocial gamer in the world - The World God Only Knows.

[11] Running around the world in 80 days - Around the World in 80 Days is a book turned into a film that was made in 2004 starring Jackie Chan.

[12] Fainting from eating traditional Japanese food - George Bush the Elder is well known in Japan for passing out after a meal with the Japanese Prime Minister during a state visit. It's known as the George H. W. Bush vomiting incident. It's rumored to have been caused by the traditional Japanese food such as sashimi, but most analysts believe it was due to a strenuous tennis game earlier in the day against the Emperor of Japan which the President did not recover from along with latent flu.

Author's Note: Praise be to glorious Based Spyro.

Editor's Note: So we've been a little busy. Just a little. Yeah.