SPRINGFIELD, MA (Chafed News)– A poll conducted by Squantum University finds masturbation to be America’s favorite recreational activity for the 237th consecutive year. Since 1776, the annual poll has gauged America’s most popular recreational activities and to no one’s surprise, Americans prefer masturbation over all other activities of leisure, beating out overeating, television watching and alcohol/ drug consumption.

Professor Richard Stammer, head researcher of Masturbation Sciences at Squantum University says America’s love of masturbation predates America’s love of most everything else. “America’s fondness for masturbatory activities dates back prior to America existing as the nation it is today. You see, pilgrims aboard the Mayflower were notorious masturbators often masturbating ten to fifteen times daily. In fact, the freedom to masturbate is chief amongst the reasons the pilgrims made that fateful voyage those so many years ago. It’s ingrained in our DNA. It’s who we are as a people. It’s who we are as a nation.”

Poll Results Below.

AMERICA’S FAVORITE RECREATIONAL ACTIVITIES (37,923 Americans participated in the poll):

1. Masturbation

2. Overeating

3. Alcohol/ Drug Consumption

4. Watching Television

5. Shooting Guns

6. Boating

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