Dankanator

By Insa Sohail

July 26, 2019

The popular actress Reese Witherspoon has taken up the issue of domestic violence. Not only is she going to raise awareness, but will also help raise funds for organizations who look into the issue. In the age of #MeToo, where more and more women survivors are opening up about their abuse experiences, celebrities taking up on the issue was more than just needed. But looks like the issue has also been highlighted in her HBO series ‘Big Little Lies‘. So, with her latest campaign, Reese has demanded support from her followers to join her and the show’s team.

The actress took to her Instagram stories to ask her followers for support. She insisted that they join her and the Big Little Lies cast in taking strong action against domestic violence. Witherspoon claimed that their goal was to come together and not just raise awareness, but funds for an organization named ‘Safe Horizon’. This has been working for the rights of women and children, catering to all sorts of abuse. Their goal remains taking victims and survivors from crisis to levels of confidence.

However, this certainly is not the first time that Reese Witherspoon has campaigned against domestic violence in the age of #MeToo. Previously, she visited the House of Commons to raise awareness on the issue. The actress claimed that,

As for her HBO show, Big Little Lies, it also reflected on a similar issue. Nicole Kidman who plays Celeste Wright was brutally beaten by her charming yet secretly abusive husband.

Reese Witherspoon is setting out on a great and positive campaign. Every day in the times of #MeToo, it becomes more important for someone to raise actual awareness on these issues.

Read the original article here.

InStyle

By Kimberly Truong

July 8, 2019

Content warning: This article contains mentions of domestic violence and sexual assault.

At the start of the second season of Big Little Lies, Celeste Wright (Nicole Kidman) goes to see her therapist, Dr. Reisman (Robin Weigert). Not only is she grappling with her grief over the death of her husband, Perry (Alexander Skarsgård), she’s working through the complicated feelings of loving and missing him, despite his physical and emotional abuse.

For us, the viewers, it might even have been a relief to see Perry pushed to his demise at the end of Season 1 after he repeatedly attacked Celeste, but the reality of an abusive relationship is much more complicated.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, nearly 1 in 5 women and 1 in 7 men in the U.S. report having experienced severe physical violence from an intimate partner in their lifetime — and those experiences can vary greatly. But Tarsha McCallum, LMSW, senior director of shelters at Safe Horizon, says it’s common for survivors of abuse to still love and care for their abusers.

“For those in an abusive relationship, the abuse usually doesn’t happen every day,” she tells InStyle. “This might still be a loving relationship; you fall in love with them, and you may have been with them for many years, and although there is abuse, it does not stop the love.”

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, it’s common for survivors to still love their abuser, and to want the abuse itself to end, but not the relationship.

McCallum adds that while outsiders (or viewers) might only see the violence in an abusive relationship, there are also days and moments when the perpetrator is loving, caring, even apologetic to the survivor, and a survivor may look to those moments as reasons to stay in the relationship.

“We don’t think about both parts, and love is complicated,” she says. “It lends itself to the hope that things will change.”

That’s made clear not only in the first season of Big Little Lies, when Celeste tries to work things out with Perry in couples’ counseling, but also in Season 2, as she explains to her therapist that she can’t stop missing him, even if she can rationally understand that his behavior was abusive.

“You miss the war,” Dr. Reisman tells her in response, encouraging her to look at her feelings as a form of PTSD, not unlike soldiers who find it hard to adjust back to civilian life. Celeste doesn’t quite believe her, and it certainly doesn’t help that Mary Louise (Meryl Streep) refuses to accept that her son was capable of beating his wife and consistently casts doubt on Celeste’s memories.

In another scene, she touches herself as she revisits old videos of him from Skype, showering her with love and affection — almost as if she’s trying to remember the way he was when the relationship was good, even if that doesn’t paint the whole picture.

Though Celeste might logically know that she can now be free of his abuse, it doesn’t stop her from mourning his death, and McCallum says that’s a normal, valid response.

“It makes a lot of sense that she is grieving her husband,” she says. “Because when you look at the episodes, he was a good provider. When they weren’t fighting and he wasn’t abusive, he was good to her. I think she wanted him to improve, and she wanted to keep their marriage intact.”

Not to mention, Celeste and the rest of the Monterey 5 are working through the trauma of having borne witness to his death after Bonnie pushes him and he falls to his death in the first season. In addition to the grief and loss Celeste is going through, she’s also experiencing the guilt of being a part of his death.

“They didn’t plan to kill him, and that brings on guilt because she didn’t want him to die, she just wanted him to stop,” McCallum says.

Rather than paint Celeste as a “weak” victim for longing for a troubled relationship, the show treats her with the kind of nuance and sensitivity that we should extend to all domestic violence survivors.

Read the original article here.

Refinery29

By Cory Stieg

October 6, 2017

Excerpt Below:

In the past few months there has been more attention and awareness about domestic violence in the media, thanks in part to the success of the HBO show Big Little Lies, which centers around a realistic abusive relationship. Part of the reason why Big Little Lies was so jarring for many people to see was that the featured couple (played by Nicole Kidman and Alexander Skarsgård) didn’t seem to fit the typical description of what domestic violence “looks like.” But that’s just the thing — domestic violence doesn’t have a cookie-cutter look, because it can happen to anyone.

Domestic violence also doesn’t always present as physical violence, which is a common misconception that people have, says Rachel Goldsmith, LCSW-R, associate vice president for the Domestic Violence Shelter Programs at Safe Horizon. “People presume that if you have not been physically abused, then you’re not a survivor of domestic violence,” she says. But simply put, domestic violence is defined as a pattern of power and control in a relationship. “A person can try to take power or control over another person in a lot of different ways that aren’t physical, and still could be controlling that individual,” Goldsmith says.

There are a whole list of abusive behaviors that would fall under the umbrella of domestic violence, and being able to spot them is key to prevention. If you think that a loved one might be in an abusive or violent relationship, express your concern about the things you’re seeing from a place of compassion, and provide concrete examples, Goldsmith says. “Know that it can take a while before someone feels safe enough to admit they’re experiencing abuse, but it’s never a waste to express to a friend that you’re concerned,” she says. In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, here are some subtle signs of domestic violence that don’t include physical abuse.

Read the original article here.

ATTN:

By Shonitria Anthony

March 24, 2017



Excerpt Below:

“Big Little Lies” is a limited series on HBO that focuses on the lives of four women who live in the small affluent town of Monterrey, California, where everything looks picture perfect on the outside, with Celeste Wright and Perry Wright arguably the couple to envy in the town.

Celeste, played by Nicole Kidman, is a former lawyer and mom of twin boys who’s married to young businessman Perry, portrayed by Alexander Skarsgard. The steaminess of the relationship is played up from the beginning, but soon it’s revealed that lying beneath the surface is a relationship that’s “volatile” and “toxic” as described in later episodes by Celeste.

HBO’s Corporate Social Responsibility team reached out to Safe Horizon…about the show’s portrayal of domestic abuse.

“It’s uncommon to see [this kind of] portrayal on a popular TV series. It’s accurate and emotional. I think having a popular actress portray domestic violence is something we don’t usually see,” Kimberlina Kavern, senior director of the Crime Victim Assistance Program at Safe Horizon, told ATTN:. “But seeing it [weekly] on a big HBO show is bringing this conversation to light.”

As the episodes progress, Perry goes from choking Celeste, to violently grabbing her, and then throwing full-on blows at his wife. In episode three “Living the Dream,” Perry makes a peace offering. After one of his violent outbursts, he places a diamond necklace on Celeste’s bruised body as she showers.

“It makes the relationship one-dimensional and the show shows it well. She has children with him, she loves him. Abusive relationships aren’t abusive 24 hours a day, 7 days a week,” Kavern told ATTN:.

Contrary to other depictions of abusive relationships — like the 1991 film “Sleeping with the Enemy” where Julia Roberts fakes her own death to escape her husband’s violence — “Big Little Lies” carefully let’s the viewer witness Perry’s violence towards Celeste bit by bit, exposing the complexities of loving someone who’s also abusive, violent, and controlling.

“I think that the media often gives some damaging messages around the reality [of abusive relationships],” Kavern said, adding that Perry seems like “he’s a perfect guy, he’s educated, well-dressed, charming, but behind close doors there’s this different dynamic happening.”

Eventually, the couple goes to counseling and it’s during the first session that Perry admits he sometimes gets “physical” with his wife. His confession is surprising to the therapist and his wife, though he never outright admits to him hitting her. “It could also be seen as manipulative. That’s his way of telling Nicole Kidman, ‘I’m willing to work on things, I’m being honest about the things I’m doing to you,’” Kavern said of the scene. “But that doesn’t mean he’s going to change what happens when they’re at home.” Read the original article here.

The Huffington Post

By Melissa Jeltsen

March 21, 2017

Excerpt Below:

HBO’s miniseries “Big Little Lies” is a story about the complex inner lives of privileged women, wrapped up in a murder mystery set in a wealthy seaside town. Amidst the stunning vistas and unraveling whodunit plot line, viewers are witnessing something rarely seen on screen: A thoughtful portrait of an abusive relationship. (Note: Spoilers ahead.).

It’s no coincidence that the show got it so right: HBO worked with Safe Horizon to ensure “Big Little Lies” was accurate in its portrayal of abuse. They also prepared a plan for what to do if viewers had a personal reaction and needed support.

The show’s abuse plot line centers around Celeste, played by Nicole Kidman, a lawyer who gave up her career to raise twin boys. To the outside observer, her life appears picture-perfect: She has a stunning home, healthy children, and a gorgeous husband whose adoration for her is obvious to all. But as the show progresses, the facade crumbles. Celeste is deeply worried about her marriage. She uses the word “volatile” to describe it, but the more accurate label is abusive.

When the therapist asks her why she doesn’t want to leave, she talks about focusing on what is profoundly right in the relationship instead of what’s wrong.

“I think about what we have, and we have a lot,” she says. “We are bound by everything we have been through.”

Brian Pacheco, director of public relations at Safe Horizon, said that reaction is common.

“Domestic violence is complicated and many survivors are conflicted by the good times―and there are good times,” he said. “Often survivors may just want the abuse to stop, not necessarily to end the relationship.” Read the original article here.

Bustle

By Caitlin Flynn

March 12, 2017

Excerpt Below:

A quick look at any synopsis of Big Little Lies will quickly give you the basic details on each main character — and one important thing to know about Celeste (Nicole Kidman) is that her husband abuses her in the privacy of their own home. Meanwhile, she’s the envy of everyone in Monterey thanks to her lavish mansion, effortless beauty, and the husband who’s oh-so charming in the presence of others. Big Little Lies’ depiction of domestic violence is important for a number of reasons — first and foremost, the issue doesn’t receive nearly enough representation onscreen and everyone’s latest TV obsession has now become a conversation starter. But I also give Big Little Lies major credit for showing that domestic abuse doesn’t always look or sound exactly as we might imagine it would.

The phrase “abused wife” tends to conjure up an image of a woman who cowers in fear and remains completely motionless when her husband hurts her. It’s easy (and understandable) to assume that a domestic violence victim would never dream of saying something like, “are you going to hit me again?” as Celeste does during a tense moment with Perry in the March 12 episode “Push Comes to Shove.” Those types of abuse victims absolutely exist, but so do women like Celeste — and by showing a character who sometimes hits her husband back and deliberately provokes him, viewers are challenged to look at our own preconceived notions about domestic abuse.

There are a few possible explanations for why Celeste hits Perry back and seemingly picks fights with him. As Rachel Goldsmith, AVP for the Domestic Violence Shelter Programs at Safe Horizon, told Refinery29, there can be several reasons a victim fights back: “Is someone hitting back because they’re trying to defend themselves? Or do they feel like there’s consequences for not going along with the dynamics in the relationship?” With Celeste, it seems like a little bit of both. She fights back with varying degrees of success, but it’s also clear that violence is a turn-on for Perry — so her quick slaps back may be an effort to stop the physical abuse because she knows he’ll immediately want to have sex.

There’s no perfect, cookie-cutter response to rape, and the same applies to domestic violence victims. By showing behaviors that many people may not necessarily associate with a battered spouse, Big Little Lies challenges viewers to think a little deeper than the stereotypes we may associate with domestic abuse — and in turn it propels the conversation forward in an essential, educated way.

Read the original article here.

Refinery29

By Cory Steig

February 15, 2017

Excerpt Below:

There’s a new HBO series premiering this weekend called Big Little Lies, based on the addicting novel by Liane Moriarty. People who have read the book acknowledge that it’s a touch melodramatic, maybe slightly trashy, and the perfect “beach read,” because the plot revolves around the lives of PTA-perfect moms in an elementary school by the beach. But the plot is far from cookie-cutter, and it’s laced with brutally realistic details about an abusive and violent marriage.

We spoke to counselors and spokespeople from two domestic abuse and violence hotlines and shelters about the intricacies of the abusive relationship between two of the main characters in the book, Celeste and Perry (played in the show by Nicole Kidman and Alexander Skarsgård). Here are some of the truths about this complex, volatile, and sadly very realistic relationship.

At the core of most abusive relationships, there’s a gnarled dynamic of power and control, says Rachel Goldsmith, LCSW-R, Associate Vice President for the Domestic Violence Shelter Programs at Safe Horizon. The first time Celeste describes Perry hitting her, she mentally runs through her usual reactions: respond like an adult, yell, walk away, or hit back. To someone not in an abusive relationship, it might seem obvious that she should run away, but that’s usually not a clear or easy option for people in an abusive relationship, Goldsmith says.

Hitting back can be self-defense, and it can also be another dangerous byproduct of being trapped in an abusive relationship, she says. “Rarely do the two people have the same level of power and control in a relationship where there’s violence,” she says. It’s important to look at the relationship dynamic as a whole before you jump to the conclusion that Celeste is being abusive to Perry by hitting him back, Crawford says.

“Is someone hitting back because they’re trying to defend themselves?” Goldsmith says. “Or do they feel like there are consequences for not going along with the dynamics in the relationship?”

Read the original article here.