10 strange things that are illegal in Springfield

While researching a story about the Greene County Sheriff refusing to accept municipal prisoners, it wasn't immediately clear who that might include. City officials provided a list of municipal offenses.

Basically, things that don't rise to the level of a state charge. And it's an odd collection.

With most of these offenses, no one is going to jail, but it could land you a financial penalty. And in some cases, it's not likely to be enforced at all.

Without much context, here are 10 strange things that are illegal in Springfield.

1. Harassment of a sports official

I know the ref is blind, that he hates your team and that he's getting paid by the opposition.

That does not mean you can confront the umpire at the parking lot after the game, call the referee to threaten her or generally be "frightening or disturbing" to the official.

2. Library theft

A person cannot "knowingly remove any library material from the premises of a library without authorization" or borrow materials and "fail to return the library material to the library."

The wonderful people at the library let you take books home and read them for free. For God's sake, return your books.

3. Model glue

There is an unusually long explanation of restrictions on model glue. Basically the law is trying to keep it out of the hands of children. This comes right after an ordinance against inhaling solvent fumes and vapors.

4. Urinating in a place open to public view

This also includes defecating, if you were curious.

5. Peeping Toms

Obviously, right? Specifically, no person "shall look, peer or peep into" a window of a dwelling "with the intent of watching or looking through such windows."

6. Massage practitioners

This ordinance just says you can't be a professional "massage practitioner" without the appropriate state license. It doesn't have anything to do with what type of massage you're giving. Although some of that stuff is probably illegal too.

7. Laser pointers

You can't "illuminate" a person, animal, vehicle, building or residence, unless it's for a lawful purpose like surveying or law enforcement. It's also unlawful for someone under 18 to posses a laser pointer except in their home.

Also, it's annoying, so cut it out.

8. Use of profane language in public

That's it — we're all going to jail. Specifically, you can't use "lewd, obscene or profane language" which "by its utterance is reasonably calculated to or tends to incite the recipient to immediate violence when such language is used" in public.

For examples of "public" it specifically mentions skating rinks — so please keep the language PG during your 10th birthday party.

9. Impersonating a police officer

This is pretty straightforward. You can't seriously pretend to be a police officer. This includes any non-officer wearing a regulation uniform in public. What you do with police uniforms in private is none of my business.

10. Fortunetelling

This includes the general forecasting of futures, and it's illegal if you're using it to defraud people. More specifically it includes "clairvoyance...phrenology...prophecy...astrology...necromancy...mindreading, telepathy..." and use of things like "charms, potions, magnetism...oriental mysteries."

If you have a license for such a business and aren't trying to trick people, you're in the clear. But of course, you probably already knew that.