

Here’s something I bet you didn’t expect to read on a Tuesday morning: wrestling superstar Virgil is the personal bodyguard (and, eventually, Secretary of Defense) for a porn star’s shockingly real bid to become President of the United States in 2020. Hey, our current President hosted a reality show and is in the WWE Hall of Fame. Stranger things have happened.

The candidate in question is Cherie Deville, who launched her campaign on PornstarForPresident.com. That page is safe for work, if you were wondering. I mean, I wouldn’t go browsing around or throwing a google at her if you’re at work, but you can check out her platform — not a joke — and get informed.

In 2020, America will have the opportunity to elect a candidate for president that will actually bring REAL change, a President they can finally trust. Boasting an impressive educational background that includes a doctorate, America will have the chance to elect a woman who has never let anything stop her, thriving in a male dominated industry to reach the very top. Cherie’s love and compassion for her fellow Americans has led to her Presidential run. Watching what’s gone on with our country over the last several months has brought DeVille to a point where she can’t just sit around and watch the country she loves so deeply destroyed. Cherie is kind, generous and most of all, a true leader. Deville/Coolio 2020 is prepared to do what it takes to shock the world!

I contacted F*cking Awesome, the adult entertainment portal that stepped up to sponsor her campaign, and I’m kinda blown away — again, not a joke — by how appealing the campaign is. She’s an advocate for marijuana legalization, supports universal health care, is a strong supporter of the LGBTQ+ community and she wants to take care of the environment instead of, say, running it over with a bulldozer and paving over it with nuclear sludge. If you look at what she has to say, you’ll be closer to actually voting for a porn star for President than at any point in your life up until now. Or for the dozenth time, I don’t know you.

Amazingly, the campaign also features:

Vice Presidential candidate Coolio, the Grammy award-winning rapper known for ‘Gangsta’s Paradise,’ ‘Fantastic Voyage’ and the Kenan & Kel theme song

a cabinet of beautiful ladies including Kennedy Summers and Khloe Terae who are popular for being beautiful ladies but also have backgrounds in what they’d be in charge of, which again is a step the current administration doesn’t always consider

VIRGIL

Known best for his legendary professional wrestling career, Virgil had great success as “The Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase’s bodyguard in the WWE, as well as one of the members of the NWO! Virgil also has unique insight on Donald Trump as the two met several times at Wrestlemania. It was a no brainer when Virgil was selected as candidate DeVille’s personal bodyguard. Virgil brings years of experience to the table and would do anything for Cherie, and America!

The only American North Korea currently listens to is a member of the New World Order, so why not add another into the mix?

We’ll keep you updated on the campaign, and the inevitability of a White House press conference where Virgil stands in the background fanning a bunch of money and frowning. Go to PornstarForPresident.com (which, again, is safe for work) for more information. Just don’t try to bounce a basketball 15 times without messing up.