WAYNE, PA—Knowing what she was in for within minutes of meeting the 5-year-old, local babysitter Hannah Leeds told reporters Wednesday that she could already tell that Jackson Keller was the kind of kid who suddenly gets naked for no reason. “Yeah, I know the type—the second you look away, he’ll have his pants down to his ankles and be zipping across the living room, just wait,” said Leeds, adding that she’d babysat enough kindergarteners to know which ones were likely to stand on the couch and, apropos of nothing, proudly display their genitals. “You can see it in his eyes. He’s just biding his time until the mood strikes, which could be now or in 10 minutes or when I think he’s asleep. But mark my words, I guarantee he’ll be peeling off those pajamas and making a break for it.” At press time, Keller had begun to doubt her instincts before seeing the fully nude child bolt out the front door and race down the driveway.

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