The Ultimate Sleeper Put-Down Move

As a new parent, the only faint wisps of accomplishment and productivity you get is when your little one is passed out in some other room with 14 fans on and your car backed up against the window idling and gently vibrating that side of the house so he/she/it will sleep as long as infantly possible.

There is no time more special to a new parent than the time the baby is sleeping.

And one of the most g’dam frustrating things in the f’n life of a new parent is when you can’t put your child down to sleep because they keep friggen waking up.

The kid will be so damn tired, and yet, every time you try to put it down, when you make that final move to gently dispose of the body into the padded receptacle, it blinks and looks up at you, as if it was saying, “you’ve got to be kidding me… That’s the best you’ve got??”

What’s even worse is when you get him down into the bed fine — your arms underneath him, his eyes relaxed close, mouth agape just a bit, little lower lip whimpering, occasional phantom suck and/or deep belly dream sound — and you try to slowly, oh so slowly and quietly, remove your arms from underneath him… When BANG! Eyes open, all smiles, and it’s f’n play time again!! FML.

Fail No More!

Hark! Today I reveal to you a trick that will make you the master of the put down. It’s called the Ultimate Sleeper Put-Down Move 2.0.

Like all amazing life secrets, this secret trick hinges on reversing logic.

The Old, Bad Way:

Normally you cradle the head in the nook of your arm, with your other arm supporting the bottom and legs. This is bad… and old. We’re going to reverse that. (click the pic for a larger version)

The New, Excellent Way:

Take the arm that normally supports the head, and move it under the bottom. Then, take your bottom arm and support the head. Now your arms are running parallel with the baby’s body, instead of wrapped around it (see pictures).

It may take a little while to get used to this, but soon enough you’ll be droppin’ babies in cribs with the deft touch of one of those circ du soliel things. You’re welcome!

What’s a trick/tip you’ve learned about putting your baby down?? Please share!