The first thing you need to get into your brain is: the child is an innocent victim of this entire situation! The child has NO fault, zero, Nada! Again the child is merely a victim and it would be very unfair for you to see the child as a reminder of anything, because the child is not a reminder of anything. The child is a human being who deserves dignity and respect.

Now, unfortunately sin has consequences. While our sins can be forgiven they (all sins) have consequences and what you have to do when you sin is accept that there will be consequences and face them as best as you can. This is why the church insist sooo much in matters of sex, family and marriage because there are going to be consequences and you will have to deal with them. In this situation you and your wife have to face the consequences the christian way. As 1ke said, have you thought about adoption? If neither you nor your wife are going to love that child the way the child deserves and you are going to shame the child, maybe adoption is the way to go.

If you and your wife decide to keep the child, it is perfectly possible to love and raise that child despite not being the bio dad. There are many men out there who have raised not biologically related to them so it is perfectly doable. I have a current husband who is raising my child as his despite her being from my previous marriage. Now I may not be the best example because I have never had sex outside of marriage but it goes to the point that you can raise the child despite not being biologically relayed to the child.

As to the child being half African american…he is not going to be the first child of mixed race raised by Caucasian parents. My cousin is raising two children (adopted) who are of Indian origin and both she and her husband and her other three biological children are Caucasian. Are there challenges, of course. Are there hard moments, yes. But if you know how to handle the situation, are truthful and put God first, you can do it and in the end the child would be grateful for your effort. Also most people today are pretty good about this…seeing a child of a different race than the parents so it may not be as bad as you think. So far my cousin has not encounter one person making an negative comment about racial difference and she does live in a heavily caucasic area. Yes some people make faces when they see the families but no one so far has made cments in a negative way.

Finally, if you are mentioning resenting the child that means you have not truly forgotten. The reason why you think you may resent the child is because you still have an emotional attachment to the affair memory and you are trying to place it on someone else. This situation is only reflection. Something you may have not realized…inside of you you haven’t given true forgiveness. You need to truly forgive and break the emotional attachment to that memory. Holding grudges and keeping emotional attachments to a painful memory only affects you in the long run. I really would recommend you to talk to your priest. Pray to Jesus so he can help you to forgive. Forgiveness is hard and breaking emotional attachments is even harder but is doable. It is a decision you have to make which requites fighting against your own self. Pray a lot and ask Jesus to grant you his forgiveness to break that attachment. Repeat to yourself that you are willing to forgive her and not look at the past. I will be praying also for you so you can find strength to go through this and take the best decisions for all of you.