The president* held one of his occasional wank-a-paloozas on Thursday night, this time, in his own words, "in a place called Cincinnati, Ohio," and featuring what appeared to be an actual act of pantomime wanking. Leadership!

(Why does he talk about ordinary places he goes as though he's Stanley crossing Lake Tanganyika?)

As usual, we cherry-pick only the ripest pieces of presidential* insanity, the tastiest combinations of ignorance and arrogance with the least connection to actual reality. To wit:

That's what they did that didn't work out too well, but you had to suffer. You know what it didn't work out well, but you yet to suffer for a long time until I came along you're, not suffering in a long, the previous administration, they liked windmills. You know windmills if a windmill is within two miles of your house, your house is practically worthless.

Probably not the best day to make this argument in favor of fossil fuel plants as good neighbors.

Then, there was...

We're now the largest energy producer in the entire world, bigger than the Soviet Union, formally. Remember the Soviet Union when it was all together, the Soviet Union, when it was all together, before they decided we got to call ourselves Russia, when it was all together, they wanted to be, that was always their dream, to be the biggest in the world.

I yield the floor to Slava Malamud, the funniest Russian expatriate on the electric Twitter machine: "Oh, I remember it pretty well. About the time the people in my town decided to stop calling themselves "Soviet citizens" and started using the term 'dead people.'"

And, finally...

We won 32 states. There's never been anything like it.



God, Ronald Reagan is having a tough week.

Did I mention that he also gestured toward the crowd?

Presidential!

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Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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