Hello friends, I’m Psychiatrist / Actor / Father Dr. Tobias Funke, and I’m here to talk about a crippling illness that afflicts literally dozens of people around the world, including two well-known members of German Parliament. Of course, I could only be talking about the disease known as Never Nude.

Never Nude sufferers can literally never be nude, whether because of esteem issues, abusive spouses, being overweight, being underweight or simply chilly weather. Never Nudes will go to any length to ensure their personals are covered by multiple layers at all times, even in the shower.

Thanks to your generous donations, scientists are currently working to isolate the gene that triggers the Never Nude disease. Hopefully one day I, and every other Never Nude sufferer out there, can shed our extra layers and let our goods flap triumphantly in the wind, just like everybody else!