A 21-YEAR-OLD ‘lad’ is all about banter, booze and crying himself to sleep every night over his best friend Robert.

Third year student Stephen Malley is part of a group of self-styled lads who called themselves ‘The Alpha Dogs’.

He said: “We’re just a bunch of fun-loving nutters who love the fanny and the mad banter. There’s always crazy shit going down with birds and most nights I puke in my bed. YOLO!

“We all have nicknames like Chunky, Bozzer and Ding-Dong. Everyone calls me Mallet, and then there’s Robert aka Robbo.

“He’s such a nutter, last night he lobbed a full pint glass off a club balcony. He has really kind eyes though, not like our other mates who have small mean eyes.

“Once when everyone wanted to watch Hangover 2 I suggested a Woody Allen film instead and everyone said that was ‘gay’ but Robbo defended me.

“I’m not gay or anything but I do think about kissing him, in fact I think of him a lot at night and once I drew a picture of him using special art pencils, then tore it up.”

However Malley’s lad mate ‘Chunky’ said: “I think Steve fancies Robbo. Which makes me angry because I secretly adore Steve.

“I act like an arse towards women because I fear they will take Steve away from me.”