Diamanté, is a poem forming a diamond shape. Jyotsnaben(name changed) had been to many therapists for disturbance. Jyotsnaben who belongs to conservative family. Her daughter eloped with a person form another community, In India this matters a lot. Counselling failed as the major emotion was shame, was left unattended by many therapist. Unlike Cognitive Behavior Therapy, REBT considers and works on meta-emotional problems (like shame about anger etc). Once Jyotnsaben was emotionally intelligent and could figure out that shame was the root cause of her disturbance. She started doing shame attacking exercises by 4th session. Initially meeting people who visit home to attending community events She progressed and started managing shame powerfully. Shame is the diamond of emotions. It’s very expensive, but we are prone to sell it very loose. Jyotsnaben started meeting people and succeed in dealing with her avoidance behavior. Shame is extremely painful, ugly feeling that has a negative impact on our interpersonal behavior*. People vulnerable to shame relatively are more likely to blame others (as well as themselves) for problems. Shame prone people tend to be more angry and empathize less with others. Most parents hit their kids because they feel shame at stake & name it discipline. Shame disturbs the self with a very sharp weapon. The wounds remain unseen and disrupts the functioning of self. The best way is to do shame attacking exercises, like one I did below by writing a diamante.

Oops!

Every one

Looks at you

They Judge, evaluate, try shame you.

Well, don’t give

Them flying

Fish!!!

Reference : I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Making the Journey from “What Will People Think?” to “I Am Enough”: Berne Brown,

* Shame and Guilt (Emotions and Social Behavior) – June Price

Read about Guilt here