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Now it's a theater where Blue Man Group performs. You can decide whether that's more or less depressing.

Time marches on. It's not like we have a Zoltar machine like in Big that will turn us all into kids again.

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Besides, if you go to that Big amusement park now you'll find that Zoltar has been replaced by a Pepsi vending machine.

Ah, you can't stop progress. Where's my goddamned tie?

Speaking of progress, Cracked's new Star Wars mini-series is a huge step forward for all mankind.

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David is the Senior Editor of Cracked.com and the author of John Dies at the End, which is soon to be a motion picture. You an also see his work in the New York Times Bestselling Cracked book.

And check out more from Wong in How 'The Karate Kid' Ruined The Modern World and 5 Reasons It's Still Not Cool to Admit You're a Gamer.

And stop by Linkstorm to make yourself happier by watching farting cats.

And don't forget to follow us on Facebook and Twitter to get sexy, sexy jokes sent straight to your news feed.

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