When Jacinda Ardern returns to parliament this week, her partner, Clarke Gayford, will stay at home to look after little Neve Te Aroha. Much has been said about Ardern being the first elected world leader to take maternity leave and only the second – after Pakistan’s Benazir Bhutto 28 years ago – to have a child while in office.

Many have criticised the fanfare with which Ardern’s pregnancy and maternity leave was greeted by news publications. They argued that women give birth and return to work every day, and to make a big deal of this case undermines what should be an accepted norm. But what isn’t an accepted norm just yet is that fathers should be primary caregivers, or at least equal in sharing the care and upbringing of their children.

Parenting comes in many forms, and at the very foundation is love. So whether it’s the mother or the father or both looking after young children doesn’t really matter, right? Right. But it’s still a fraction of dads that actually do stay at home.

In Australia, where fathers and partners are entitled to two weeks’ paid leave – about 4−5% of two-parent families take it up, according to the Australian Institute of Family Studies.

In New Zealand, it’s thought about 4% of fathers take the legally-sanctioned two weeks’ unpaid leave for partners.

In the UK, only 2% of couples have taken up shared parental leave, introduced in 2015 to allow two parents to share 50 weeks of leave and 37 weeks of pay.

The US is one of only eight countries in the world, and the only developed country, with no national policy guaranteeing paid leave for either parent of a newborn. Some states and companies have introduced policies for dads and partners but take-up is still relatively rare.

So why aren’t more fathers taking time out of employment to care for their children? Financial constraints are certainly an important factor, and culture plays a significant role. Studies have shown that most fathers like the idea of paternity leave, so what’s stopping them?

Places with successful paternity leave schemes make it mandatory for both partners to take a portion of the paid leave available. When Germany legislated that, of a possible 14 months parental leave, two months must be taken by fathers, the percentage of men taking paternity leave went from 3% to more than 20% – in only two years. After Quebec introduced a similar scheme with “daddy-only” time, more than 80% of dads took up the offer.

Research shows the benefits of strong paternity leave extend to the family unit as a whole. When dads take extended paternity leave or take on a primary care role, more egalitarian relationships result, housework is more shared, there are fewer divorces and couples report a more satisfying sex life. Children of couples in egalitarian relationships tend to be happier, healthier, do better at school, have greater self-esteem and fewer behavioural problems. Girls tend to follow less gender-stereotyped career paths, boys tend to be in more egalitarian relationships and fight less. For every month of leave a father takes, the mother’s future salary increases by 7%.

In our new series, seven fathers explain why they have decided to stay at home. We wanted to explore the relationships that develop between father and child and the personal benefits men get from the time spent caring for their children. This is not about patting men on the back but rather encouraging a culture change so that other men feel comfortable taking time off work to care for their children.

The fathers we speak to are unanimous in valuing the time they spend out of their paid employment to work at home with their children. All of them urge other men to take the plunge. They are keen to be involved in leading a culture change and to advocate for legislative change that would make it easier financially for men to have time at home with their babies. They universally feel the standard practice of offering two weeks’ leave is completely inadequate.

But what is more fascinating is the way in which the men describe their relationship with their partners and children – and how the experience has changed their lives for the better. A few of the dads we speak to tell us that their mental health has greatly improved by playing such an active role in their children’s lives. The benefits seem to play out far beyond their babies’ first months and years.

We loved talking to these fathers and being invited into their homes. We hope you enjoy reading their stories.

