

“The kingdom of heaven// is in our grasp// so long as we leave out all the heaven and kingdom crap”

“Lately I’ve been thinking about// how I love jesus// Because jesus he was a dirty homeless// hippy peace activists// saying drop out and find god to anybody who would listen// turning water into space bags with// low-lives and anarchists//”

— pat the bunny

For awhile, when I was becoming radicalized for good, I listened to folk punk music like it was the gospel. And it doesn’t play the same role or fill me up like it used to, but it still holds a sacred space in my heart.

I think a big part of why it spoke to me is the way it treats christian language.

I had been bopping around from liberal ecumenical church to liberal ecumenical church, where the hard parts of the bible were skipped over and written out and god had no teeth. The gospel was made nice. It was skirted around. Not fully embodied. Part of what makes folk punk special is that instead of removing itself from americana and christianity like so many lefty works of art do, it acknowledges it, inhabits it, and subverts it.

And I think that’s really important.

I grew up christian. I benefit from our country’s legacy of christian supremacy. I know how to speak the language, and I have roots and lineage in multiple christian communities. I have sway and leverage in those spaces.

I benefit from a christian culture and I have clout in it because of my christian upbringing and lineage. Leaving would be inauthentic. It would be unaccountable to the ways it benefits me.

Unlike what we were raised on as evangelicals, at a certain point, some of us don’t really have a choice as to whether or not we are christians. We are so submerged in it. It is so wholly part of who we are, our lives, how we were raised.

So like the folk punk music that shepherded me in my radicalization, instead of turning away from christianity, I want to acknowledge, inhabit, and subvert it.

I want to use my leverage in christian spaces to radicalize liberals and moderates. I want to salt shitty hipster churches that hide their anti-lgbtq theology under coffee bars and Instagrams like wobblies salt un-unionized workplaces. I want to use bible stories to rebuke the rich. To remind christians we were always meant to be governed by god and god alone. To preach stories of mutual aid and solidarity.

I live in this christian space. Jesus is my god whether I like it or not. And after the shit I’ve gone through in his name, I really don’t think he’ll mind if I use him as leverage sometimes.

I hate to sound crass, but there is a way in which my faith is tactical. Calculated.

But that doesn’t mean it’s without spirit.

When we break christian language open and subvert it, there’s room for play. We make room for the spirit we close into the confines of language and tradition.

As I’ve allowed myself to be honest about how I didn’t really choose to be christian in some ways, and how much I benefit from my religion, I’m allowing myself to be more honest in front of the face of my god. I’m allowing them to move in me in creative, silly ways. The more honest I am with god, the more tickled I am by them.

My christian faith is tactical. But it is regenerative too.