By this point, I hope I've proven to you that Fifa is just appalling, and yet, here's their power: I am still so excited about the World Cup. It's very hard to justify how I can get so much joy from an organisation that's caused so much pain other than [that it is a religion]. But it's not just that, it's an organised religion and Fifa is its church.

Just think about it. Its leader is infallible. It compels South American countries to spend money they don't have on opulent cathedrals [stadia] and it may ultimately be responsible for the deaths of shocking numbers of people in the Middle East. But, but, but... for millions of people around the world like me it is also the guardian of the only thing that gives their lives any meaning.