Dig deeper: An Interview with Lobsang

My name is Lobsang Phuntsok. I was born in Tawang district in the state of Arunachal Pradesh in the remote Indian Himalaya region. My childhood wasn’t really a normal kind of experience because I was born as an illegitimate son and my mum was really young.When my mother got pregnant it was really kind of disgraceful for her in the village, something not acceptable. The only way to cope with that was to really pretend I wasn’t born. I was told that my grandparents didn’t know that she was pregnant. Then when she gave birth, actually in our toilet, we basically had a two story toilet, and she went to the bathroom and she gave birth and she basically had to throw me in the leaves that people store in their toilets - the dried leaves to cover the human waste. And she came in and my aunt and grandparents heard something crying. They thought a goat had got into their fields and was eating their crops. My aunt went out and heard something coming from our toilet. So when she went to check and saw something moving under the dry leaves she found a baby there and it was me. I had almost kind of totally turned into green purple - almost the end of my life. So that was the way I was born. It wasn’t something that my birth brought happiness and joy into my family. That’s why when I was younger I was always called ‘the uninvited guest of this universe’. Normally, when you have a new baby, the family, friends and neighbours should celebrate. But my birth was not something to celebrate. I brought a lot of pain and embarrassment to my family.Honestly, I don’t have any good or pleasant experience, I should say, as a child. Sometimes I feel I would do anything to have a real experience of a pleasant childhood. I remember maybe a couple of times when I thought that it was better to end my life.People really didn’t like me. As a child, I would create problems, break people’s windows, or break their prayer flags. I particularly remember one incident where someone told me “You are not going to change. You are not going to get better”. And it’s amazing that this kind of incident, or this kind of bad remark you remember so clearly. I don’t know why that really stuck in my mind. Today still I can see the place and I can feel it.In this kind of situation, you need someone who can help you, someone who can trust you. Luckily, I had my grandparents who loved me when I was not lovable. When I was not trustworthy they trusted me. Even today I feel it is because of their kindness I am alive. It wasn’t easy for them to have a difficult grandson who was basically doing so many things wrong. Somehow they saw that there is something inside me, a potential, or hope that I could change to a better human being.My grandparents tried really hard to really help me to become a better person; at the same time, they were in a difficult situation thinking about my future. After a while they felt that there was only one chance that I would change - by going to the monastery. For a couple of reasons - they definitely wanted me to become a better person, a changed person and at the same time I could get at least the basic needs - accommodation, food and care.I remember my grandfather, he was a tough guy but so softhearted. He would normally not express his emotions or feelings. He wasn’t really expressive. But when there is love, when there is care and compassion, you can often feel it; someone doesn’t really have to express it. So he counted the little money he had, and what my grandma had when I said, “Yes, I will go to South India and become a monk.” They used to count the money everyday, sometimes two or three times a day. He would give me some pocket money. In my last week with them, he gave me something like two rupees, and said, “This is the last of the money” but the next day he would again give me another two rupees and say, “Hey, this is the last time”. The day before I left for South India, he stitched a kind of a sack out of a pair of his trousers, and he put a lot of money, I don’t remember how much, he put a lot of money in it, and printed my name on it, and he said, “Keep this always. It is kind of like my security money. Never use it unless you really need it.” I was so excited with so much money. But I could not really relate to that, but later when I left my village, and reached South India, then I was able to connect with him emotionally and understood, “Wow! With so much trust and love, he gave this to me”. He asked me not to tell anybody that I had so much money. I remember how much he trusted me and he felt I was worthy of trust, and hoped that I would become a better human being some day.Basically they were sending me to the monastery saying “Can you help free this boy from all the disturbing emotions, intense disturbing emotions he is going through?”. It’s sort of really sending to the mental hospital. The monastery, of course, had a very rigid schedule, and really very strict discipline. Everything was very formal there. It was difficult for me as a child. But of course it started making more and more sense, and as a young monk my mind was somehow engaged and I didn’t have much time to think about negatives. Because I had to follow those schedules, policies, discipline, activities and things that we were supposed to do in a monastery.It took me a while to get the confidence that I was getting better. I had bad attitudes to everything. And that continued for a long time. And I am not saying that I don’t have those kinds of challenges today! I don’t remember when exactly I started thinking positively, but there was one thing in my mind always, the confidence growing that I could do better, that I could become a better human being. I don’t know how exactly I got it. Maybe the seed was planted by my grandparents. And when I got a better opportunity to get into such a big monastery with so many amazing people maybe that seed was watered by the other people’s love. That seed was basically nurturing inside me. That was my early life as a young monk.One of the teachings that I received from my teacher is that: You are a tiny tiny part of the larger family in this universe. That means that I am only one person and there are billions and billions of not only human beings, but other sentient beings, creatures, animals, bugs and birds, anything. I am only one member of this large family in this universe. It helped me to connect to other sentient beings through my own challenges and difficulties. And when I do that naturally my focus changes. It changes your focus and now you become part of a larger family. Instead of complaining and screaming about yourself, you naturally take this responsibility, you feel this responsibility of, “How can I contribute to my family, my larger family, to relieve them from their challenges?”I don’t want to sound like I am a great practitioner or a great follower of the Buddha. But one of his main messages when we talk about the four noble truths is to meditate on suffering and understand suffering.For me, I wasn’t ready but my childhood was about suffering, about all the challenges. Today whatever I am trying to do is to really share my own challenges with the young kids. Because most of them are going through very similar challenges that I had. And encouraging them that it is difficult but it doesn’t have to be negative. It is a challenging situation, but you do not to have to turn into a really negative person. For me today when I look back it is a blessing to have had the childhood I had.I think that seed of creating this children’s community was in me from a really young age; and then over time when I was growing older and older, it was somehow growing inside me.As I was growing up in the monastery one of the messages that my teacher would always teach is to make your life meaningful. Do something meaningful in your life. I knew that I am not going to achieve enlightenment. I knew that I am not going to become a holy person or a saint. But they would always encourage to first pray and then evoke a motivation in your life to do something useful for yourself and others. This is one thing I always remembered whenever I got time to pray. I would always pray to do something meaningful that is close to my heart.And whenever I came to my village during the vacation I saw so many children on the road, so many children in the village. For me they were like a young Lobsang struggling in their life. When I saw their faces it was like a clear message for me, I felt somebody was calling me to do something. I easily connected to their life and one thing that I always felt in my life is ‘Yes, I do not want what has happened to my life, I do not want any child in this world to go through the same challenges that I have been’. That is really strong, even today. I do not need anybody else to motivate me, to encourage me, to inspire me. When you look at my situation today, I am not an experienced person to do this kind of work. I am not even educated enough to do what I am doing today. And I do not have that much money to do the work I am doing today. The only reason that it is pushing me, keeping me going, is because that I see there are so many children like me in the village on the street like me.Every morning I get up and I am really grateful that I am alive and that I am able to do something as my part to contribute back to the world. What I have today - my life, being able to think and do something is because of others’ kindness. And now what is my biggest responsibility? It is to repay that kindness. As so many children in our Jhamtse Gatsal … sometimes you get frustrated you know they are not listening, and they are doing something wrong. But always this has been one of the powerful messages to me is to remind myself: “Go back to where you came from. Lobsang, you were worse than this boy, you were worse than this child. But somebody in your life never gave up. They always believed in you. They always had confidence that you can become a better human being.” So I just have to remind myself no matter how difficult a child we have in this community that I want to be the person who will never lose faith in them, never lose my confidence in them.I am doing it not because I know how to do it, not because I have resources to do it, not because I am an expert in doing it. No. I didn’t have any experience. I didn’t have any resources. But I totally felt I needed to do it. And that was only my reason. I needed to do it. I needed to build homes, I needed to build families for the kids who really needed it. Because I saw there are so many Lobsangs in this world who are struggling. Exactly like me. And some were worse than me. And I just can’t imagine or think that another Lobsang on the street is going through the same pain that I have gone through. So it wasn’t something acceptable to me. So I just felt that I needed to do it. I knew that I didn’t have any resources. I knew that I would fail in many situations. I knew that I wouldn’t always do good, but I am part of this large family in this universe and my responsibility is to do what I can.The name of our community is Jhamtse Gatsal which means the Garden of Love and Compassion. It truly reflects what we are doing here. It’s pretty simple what we are doing here and why. I am not educated in what I am doing; I don’t have much skill in what I am doing and not any special expertise in the field that I am working. It was simply reflecting on my own needs as a young child. What was I looking for when I was young? It was simple and really important - that I was missing love and compassion in my life. And that was the biggest need when I was young. So through my own experiences I could connect to these kids that we have today in the community. What they need is a family. What they need is love. What they need is a sense of belongingness - loving family and safe home.What I feel is I cannot undo my life and go back to my childhood and relive my childhood. But one thing that now I know is that I could help to give these children their childhood that I missed in my life. In many ways when I see they are laughing, screaming and playing I feel I am living my childhood. And I am lucky that we have 85 children now and I miss only one childhood but I got the opportunity to live 85 childhoods.Because of my own experience I do not again want these kids to go through that. That’s why I decided to call it a Children’s Community - it is their family, it is their community, and it is their life. And they are not orphans when they come to Jhamtse Gatsal. They have parents here, they have many mothers, they have many fathers, they have many siblings who care about them. And they are getting all the care, love and support that they deserve.One of the most common questions that people ask me is “Why did you choose this remote place that you are situated in right now?”. Building such a community in one of the most remotest areas of the Himalayan region near Bhutan and Tibet - if you think from the business perspective people would call it an idiot decision. But none of this planning, none of this idea came into my mind or I made a decision based on my expertise or my education, it was because of my personal experience. Because I can connect to these kids who are in the most need and who are in the most difficult situation. When seen through my heart then you can understand why. Because I wanted to do something where it is most needed.This region is still today one of the most disadvantaged areas educationally, medically, socially, and economically. When we were starting this community in 2006 it was so remote that often we said it’s like the way to Jurassic Park because driving here is 6-7 km from the small town and it was totally a kind of jungle with bushes growing and even in the daytime you will be scared of walking by yourself.So in way I feel that the community itself started a little bit like an orphan. It wasn’t really a desirable place or somewhere that people felt would do good work.Many of our children who are at Jhamtse Gatsal are actually the first generation to get education. They are not here for the reason they are smartest kids in their village. Or they arrived at Jhamtse Gatsal after actually giving an entrance test or something like that. When we visit the villages we are not looking for who is the smartest kid in your family. Or who is the most well behaved kid in the family. Basically we are asking: Who are the difficult kids? And who are the kids in the village that nobody wants? And we are taking those kids.I will give you one example that we have - a really challenging young girl. I got a message from a village through a schoolteacher saying her father suddenly passed away and her mother had 7 or 8 children and was going through a really difficult time and she could not go to work to feed the rest of her family because she has to take care of the infant. Within a week I took a journey a trip to visit that family and the moment that I saw her my first question to that young lady was: ‘Who is the most difficult child you have who is holding you back not to do the work so that you can feed the rest of the children?’ She was a little bit shocked to hear that question.Then she called all the children and pointed out that little young girl and said, “This one is giving me a lot of problems and she is really not listening to me.”So I said, “We will take that one.” It was totally different kind of shocking for her that why would you want to take my worst kid? I said, “I will take her and maybe she will cause you less problem and you will have more time to really take care of the rest of your children.”And when this girl came to the community it was really challenging for all of us especially our house mothers and teachers to really nurture her in the community, to raise her with the values and principles that we believe in. But our job is to accept children nobody else can take care of, nobody else wants, and help this child to transform into the most amazing human being.Almost every kid in the community had a very difficult childhood back in their village. People would say ‘My goodness, you will need doctors, you will need psychologists, psychiatrists there to help these kids’. But in our eight years of history we did not give any medication to our kids.I think the simple way in our life at Jhamtse Gatsal is number one accepting, embracing without making a judgement – good, bad anything. Next the approach is to really create a space for them and be supportive of them. Then there is the power of love, the power of care or the power of compassion that we are giving to each and every child. And that becomes the main healing for each and every kid here. And I strongly believe that that works. Yes, it takes time, but eventually the kids are really transforming into amazing human beings.In the community our kids are equally responsible for everything that we do in the community. When we call it a Children’s Community that means they should take ownership of this community. And that is basically to really teach the kids their responsibility, and to be an active participant in everything we are doing here.I think it is really obvious that our kids are not passive beneficiaries, our kids are active agents of the change and transformation we are making in the community. They are supporting each other, helping each other, making things happen - from cooking to construction, to cleaning, helping younger siblings, washing, bathing, doing laundry - every activity that we have in the community kids are actively involved. In that way the sense of community and supporting each other when it is needed is definitely unique about Jhamtse Gatsal Children’s Community.One of my most difficult jobs in the community is when and how to accept new kids. And after that - when I accept or when I don’t accept - it doesn’t end there. Because we have right now 85 children and when I look at my record we have more than a thousand requests that we received to take kids in the community. And as a part of everyday routine the relatives, people from the village come to see me so that I can take their kids.People, friends come and often of course they say, “Lobsang, what a wonderful job! Amazing! What you have created with your staff here.” And honestly it is really difficult to feel that way. Because if I am able to say ‘yes’ to one family I am saying ‘no’ to ten families. And that is difficult. When I look back I took 85 kids - for 85 families I said ‘yes’ but for over 1000 I said ‘no’- that is really difficult. At present we don’t have enough accommodation, we don’t have enough resources to really take any new kids.But I am not tired to give up in this lifetime. I pray I may take so many rebirths to come back and continue this kind of work. There is so much joy and happiness in doing this kind of thing.Because when kids do come to this community, this is a place where they start dreaming about a better life. That’s why these kids are filled with energy. They are filled with hope. And so many of their prayers have already been answered. And there is the eagerness, the willingness, and the inspiration in their life that “I want to do it. And I can do it.” And they start dreaming. That is what happened when they joined this community. They got a chance to dream.