No "playing" last night. We were kinda just like a vanilla couple having sex. I know Daddy was concerned because I haven't been feeling well, and my back hurt crazy bad yesterday. (Have this bad sciatic issue) I felt bad because I knew that He really wanted to play. He even told me in a text this afternoon that He misses tying me up and doing things to me and to get better soon.



We also discussed how badly I need to be spanked. Sort of the physical reminder of who I am. Probably some more release as well.



I feel bad being ill and I feel bad because I feel I haven't been a good submissive. Daddy mentioned that I'm very "toppy" when I'm sick. He's very patient, and hasn't said anything, but I wonder if He should have.



I get in this mode of controlling everything around me because I have to and then I'm on a roll and can't stop. How do I slow down? How do I control my thinking? This seems to be an ongoing issue with me. Someone needs to help me stop because clearly I can't do it on my own.



I know Daddy will be upset because I'm beating myself up, but I can't help it.



Now I'm thinking about the non-playing again.....I wonder if Dom's get like submissive's when they don't play. Do they go through some sort of mental thing as well? Withdrawal? I'm curious about that.





