BURRILLVILLE, RI—Touting it as an incredible opportunity to get in on the ground floor of a lucrative business endeavor, child venture capitalist Aidan Frost reportedly invested $2.50 Thursday in his friend’s new slug-eating enterprise. “I’m pleased to announce that I’ve agreed to make a more than two-dollar investment in Brian [Keller]’s innovative and promising plan to consume an entire huge, gross slug at recess,” said the 8-year-old angel investor, adding that he also planned to provide Keller with business advice related to the timing and marketing of the slug-eating launch, as well as put him in touch with his network of other jungle gym–based financiers in an effort to secure additional seed funding. “Slug-eating is poised to disrupt the playground, and while it’s definitely a lot of money up front, it’ll more than pay for itself with the amount of attention we should receive, especially if Brian pukes. It’s my hope that we can use Brian’s passion for eating gross stuff to expand this venture into worms or even pennies, or maybe start up an incubator where other entrepreneurs from across Mrs. Horgan’s class can develop ideas for other nasty things to eat.” At press time, the frustrated child venture capitalist acknowledged his failed investment after an investigation into the venture by playground supervisor Mr. Cunningham, who took away the slug and sent them both inside for the rest of recess.

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