So earlier this week I was hungry.

Shocker.

I decided to take a stroll down to the grocery store to get something, but what I did not know. Normally, I get something simple, like peanut butter or bread crumbs. This time I came back with beef liver and onions. For anyone who grew up in the 90’s and watched Doug, you know what my motivation was.

A quick Google search for liver recipes led me to what looked like a really sweet liver & onions dish. I read the first sentence and my heart sank.

“First soak the liver in milk for around an hour.”

I didn’t have any milk, and I certainly wasn’t going to head back out to the store. There must be something I can soak the liver in, I figured. In the fridge was apple juice, but that didn’t seem like a great idea. There was tons of liquor around, but while booze is usually great for cooking, I didn’t want to waste any on liver.

What was available, however, was limon Jarritos. For the uninitiated, Jarritos is a Mexican soda brand that is totally amazing to drink.

It is also totally useable as liver marinade.

All soaked and ready to go, my liver hit the frying pan and was sizzling away. Now, I know how to cook meat; cooking steak might be one of my favorite things to do (which is unfortunate since I do it so rarely). I’ll look for things like browning, if the meat is still sweating juice, etc. With liver, I have no idea what to look for.

A flip here and there, and ten minutes later my liver is ready for eating, I guessed. I cut off a piece, munch away and…

oh my…

Suffice it to say that the liver was terrible. I wolfed down some more bites to see if I’d get used to the flavor, but alas, it was not to be.

Now, a couple of factors might have had an impact on my liver experience: I might not like the taste of liver, I might not have cooked it correctly, soaking liver in Mexican soda might not be a good idea.

I’m not a chef, so I don’t really know the answer. If some day I’m at a swanky high-class restaurant that serves liver, I’m totally going to order it. That way I’ll know if I just cooked it wrong.

Quick last note. When I was leaving the grocery store, I heard this wonderful gem from the cashiers as they were talking to each other.

“Oh you’re so sweet! You’re like diabetes!”

Fantastic.