Terminal Lance “Happy 244th Birthday, Marines!”

This weekend, the Marine Corps will celebrate its 244th birthday. It is the Corps’ holiest of holidays, where Staff NCO’s, Commissioned Officers, NCO’s and Lance Corporals alike will drink, eat cake, and drunkenly dance to embarrassment. All of the wives and most obscure uniform items will come out to play–from mess dress blues, to NCO swords, to funny hats and maybe even a wondrous boatcloak.

On that note, I have a serious bone to pick with my Marine Corps experience… Why did I never see a single boatcloak during my entire enlistment? This one uniform item has the potential to drop panties and feed boners unmatched by any other, and yet none of my Staff NCO’s or officers decided to spend the extra $650 on it.

Why not?

I mean, most of them already had the $1300 “Evening Dress” coat, you’re telling me you couldn’t spring the extra $650 to look like a total baller in front of all your Marines? Hell, I probably would have reenlisted if I ever saw someone so majestic at any of my Marine Corps Birthday balls. Rock that shit.

Happy 244th Birthday, Marines.