Congress, we've had enough. You obviously have no idea what you're doing. That much is clear. So you know what? Just stop. Keep the government shut down. Leave a gaping vacuum of social services that we can fill with actually competent citizen-run peer-to-peer organizations or whatever.

Everyone is petitioning you to reopen the government. Even Starbucks is freaking petitioning you, as if you were somehow unware that there is a large segment of the population who wants a bipartisan reopening of the government. But did you know that there is a sizable portion of Americans who have had it with what passes for our representative government, and would rather just pave our own damn roads and stuff?

We, the undersigned, will seriously just go outside and do your job for you. Really. We can take care of ourselves. Because unlike all of you, we're not a bunch of small children.