Breakfast and brunch lovers in Melbourne are spoiled for choice. But where will you find the best in the city? Here are our choices – leave yours in the comments below

Thirty years ago, Melburnians in search of a weekend breakfast that wasn’t Vegemite on toast or nanna’s soft-boiled egg would open their pantry doors and start cooking. Today they're just as likely to open their front doors and leave the cooking to someone else. The city's breakfast and brunch lovers are part of a crowd that has grown so large and excitable – or has such a short attention span – it warrants new cafe openings every week. And not just in North Carlton. This tendency to breakfast spreads far and wide.

Melbourne has long had an affair with iconic food. Based on the wistful stories of those looking back through a fug of nostalgia, in the 1940s children lived primarily on South Melbourne market dim sims, hot jam donuts and drunken kebabs with extra garlic sauce. When my own children were born, a man in a black turtleneck immediately served them a single origin piccolo. And there are clear differences between the­ compass points. South of the river (“the posh side”), we like rosti and smashed avocado. North of the river (“the side with couches outdoors”) we like vegetarian stacks and beetroot relish. As with most things in Melbourne, breakfast is complicated.

Now, in 2013, civilised people are often forced to wait an hour for a table at their local brewhouse. So why do we do it? For most of us, breakfast is a social experience. We take our mates along to our favourite places, and we brag about how we were the ones to discover them. We huddle over a golden crema with our multiple scarves and jackets and we bond in our secret pre-9am world.

In my travels around town for the breakfast blog I share with Robyn Box, I’ve eaten duck liver, blood pudding and eggs cooked at exactly 62.5 degrees. I’ve flirted with baristas, battled tiny plastic stools and cried into inhumanly wonderful pancakes. These are my standouts.

Dukes: a triumph of textures in this avocado, egg, bacon and dukkah breakfast. Photograph: /Anna Spargo-Ryan

What’s better than bacon baked in honey and sugar? Nothing. Much as I pretend to deliberate over the menu, I know full well there is only one dish for me: avocado hummus toast with poached eggs, honey-candied bacon and dukkah. Texture is the star here: smooth avocado puree, eggs round like moons, shimmering bacon, sandy dukkah. The quality of ingredients is excellent: dark yolks, chewy bread and fresh greenery. All in a space that feels welcoming without being too cosy. Long may it continue.

Don’t let the homonymous name fool you – this place is rich in deliciousness and spirit. The menu is darling. Dishes are named with hilarious puns and have intriguing mixtures of flavours. If you’re the protein-grubbing type, choose the deep fried poached eggs with chorizo and feta and have a mouth party. If you sit on the vege side, opt for the Smash and Grab – bruschetta of smashed avo, marinated Danish feta, rocket, slow roasted tomatoes and balsamic reductions.

Before I locked myself inside the plastic walls of Trunk, I had no idea it was a Melbourne instItution. Obvious in retrospect: what is hidden within is so awesome I've got a headache just thinking about it. The incredible scrambled eggs won't just fill your belly, they'll kiss your mother on both cheeks and rescue an orphaned kitten with their free hand. Best served with a “side” of Trunk's waffles with grilled banana.

Wall Two 80: Coddled eggs with avocado, cottage cheese, fresh tomatoes and basil. Photograph: Anna Spargo-Ryan

I could smell the coffee and eggs from down the street and literally (not literally) floated inside like I was in a Hanna-Barbera cartoon. As part of a pretend health kick, I stuffed my face with coddled eggs (the quirky distant cousin of poached eggs, hiding deep within ramekins), avocado, cottage cheese, fresh tomatoes and basil. If you'd prefer a little gluttony, the chocolate brioche will really get your day started. Or indeed ended.

The menu at lil boy blue is a work of art. Luckily I had made a commitment to salmon before I got there, because had I not, I would still be weeping openly at my lack of decision making skills and truffle pecorino oh Jesus. After I’d sufficiently licked the plate, the staff thought they had not impressed me enough (they had) and bowled me over with their payment process, what with all the hugging and laughter and the caramel slice.

The Parlor Milk Bar & Kitchen, 40 Weatherall Road, Cheltenham

The Parlor Milk Bar & Kitchen: Hells bells, this breakfast is to die for Photograph: Anna Spargo-Ryan

Occasionally I go somewhere for breakfast and immediately feel more beautiful and more relaxed just for being there. Parlor Milk Bar & Kitchen is one such place. Hells bells, this breakfast is to die for. The rosti was crunchy on the outside but soft and sweet on the inside. The hollandaise was eggy and tart, while avocado salsa came with corn kernels and a hint of Mexicana – it took a great deal of willpower not to smear it on the insides of my cheeks for later.

Issus, 8-10 Centre Place, Melbourne

Issus is the kind of small, dimly-lit but welcoming cafe-in-a-laneway that Melbourne is famous for. The décor is delightful, but it's the food that's the star attraction: I mowed through a tomato salsa with avocado and a poached egg that wobbled like a little fat lady. Then I bought a freshly squeezed juice to go so I could take a little Issus home with me.

Daniel Son: housemade hash browns and sous vide poached eggs. You'll find it hard to leave. Photograph: Anna Spargo-Ryan

My favourite of all the breakfast places. I chose Daniel Son as my regular café because owner, Todd, supports the same football team as me (also an important Melbourne tradition). But I stayed for the melt-in-your-mouth sous vide poached eggs – previously an inner city delicacy, but the yolk gods have now blessed us eastern folk with the curdy, melty goodness – and housemade hash browns. Everyone is so nice you’ll want to invite them to Christmas and the menu, though small, is a knockout.

Happy River Café, 45 Moreland Street, Footscray

If you have small children or partners who act like small children, then there’s no better place to order eggs, drink tea and let them run riot. The pancakes will delight every one of your senses, but there's also a fab kiddie menu that includes such delights as “little boys” (possibly not actual boys) and Italian words such as gorgonzola and artichoke hearts for the grown ups. A sweet place with a sweet menu.

Piccante Caffe, 316 St Georges Road, Fitzroy

Piccante is a kind of inner-northern wonderland: waiters in fedoras, a giant chess set and a tiny door into the kitchen of unearthly delights. Although I've been burned by other cafes serving rosti that could moonlight as frisbees, I ordered the Stack This: poached egg, smoked salmon, cream cheese on rosti and it was perfect and deceptively generous. No hookah-smoking caterpillars in sight!

• Additional reporting by Robyn Box