This summer hasn't really kicked off in the manner of 2018's positively Balearic run of balmy weather, but if you want to approximate the feeling of severe heatstroke you could just read ABC's transcript of its recent interview with Trump. It makes for an intriguing companion piece to his 'Prince of Whales' tweet and signing the D-Day proclamation in completely the wrong place.

Take this passage for instance: "I think it’s probably, uh, I want them to think whatever they think, they do say, I mean, I’ve seen and I’ve read and I’ve heard, and I did have one very brief meeting on it. But people are saying they’re seeing UFO’s, do I believe it? Not particularly." You're probably feeling dizzy, nauseous, disorientated, and in need of a massive drink.

However, the president's thoughts on whether he believes in flying saucers wasn't the most remarkable part of the interview. Forget The Shot Heard Around The World - ABC captured on film The Cough Heard Around The Room.

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In an outtake from @ABC interview, Mulvaney coughs and Trump skips, loses focus, stops, demands to shoot it again, then chastises Mulvaney: "He's coughing in the middle of my answer...I don't like that...you just can't cough...if you're gonna cough, please leave the room." pic.twitter.com/171OlVQfdP — Amee Vanderpool (@girlsreallyrule) June 17, 2019

Quite apart from directing the scene himself, and treating a news interview like one of those bits in Made In Chelsea where people fortuitously bump into each other on a leafy street corner and have a massive argument, there's a very complex psychological dance between Trump's brain and the very small voice in his head telling him he's being weird going on here. Let's delve.

Cough minus 5 seconds

OK, Donny. Tax returns. We've got nothing to hide here. And if we've got nothing to hide, we've nothing to fear, right? So if we've nothing to fear then there's no need to release the tax returns in the first place. Ipso facto, QED. Just position yourself as the little guy who's trying to keep his head down and do the work. And you've nothing to hide! NOTHING.

"At some point, I hope they get it."

"So you're going to turn it over?"

Cough minus 3 seconds

No.

"No."

Well done.

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Cough minus 1 seconds

Hang on, that sounds suspicious. Row back. "At some point. I might." Phew. Wriggled out of that gotcha question by saying three different things. Still got it. "But at some point I hope they get it, because it's a fanta-"

Zero hour: THE COUGH

WHO COUGHS IN THE OVAL OFFICE. THIS IS THE OFFICE OF REAGAN, NIXON, GRANT. LOADS OF RUBBISH ONES TOO. WHY DO WE EMPLOY BUBONIC PLAGUE CASES. Right, focus. Focus. Please focus.

Cough plus 1 second

OK, stay on message. It's a fantastic financial statement. It's a fantastic financial statement. That's why nobody can ever see it. It's a fantastic financial statement.

"It's a fantastic financial statement."



Again.

"It's a fantastic financial statement."

Cough plus 2 seconds

Good, good. Stay control here. Don't let it ge-

"Let's do that over. He's coughing in the middle of my answer... I don't like that... you just can't cough... if you're gonna cough, please leave the room."

Oh God. We were doing so well.

Cough plus 10 seconds



Oh fine. FINE. Another interview gone weird. Oh don't do a big sad head-shake! Brilliant, a six-swing shake. You're making a colossal scene. I'm off. See you in 2020.

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