From OApedia.com

Vos with Jheri curls and fucked up teeth

Here's da thing, Rich Ira Vos (born June 30, 1957) is a Jewish-American comedian. He has the distinction of being the first white comedian to perform on Def Comedy Jam. He also placed 3rd on the first season of NBC's Last Comic Standing. He is also a frequent guest on The Opie and Anthony Show on XM Radio, often filling in for Jim Norton when he is out of town for gigs. He has not written a new joke in over 20 years, preferring to stick with such classics as "Wanna buy a dryer... door?" and "I owe my daughter money for cookies... I'm dodgin' her!"

First of all, Vos has been roasted on the show (he's also the only comic to have his show performances roasted TWICE on O&A, the other time was with Patrice Oneal and Paul Mercurio). And here's da thing: he also had a longstanding grudge with fellow comic Jeff Norris that reached its pinnacle with a gag that O&A had helped plan. Right after Vos had trashed and upset Norris who had "called" into the show to have it out with Vos, Norris burst into the studio (much to Vos' surprise, thinking Norris was in NJ) and tackled Vos during his victory dance. Also has many stories about when him and Norton had happened to share the same woman after gigs.

Here's da thing: in spite of the fact that he is at the very least borderline retarded, Vos has (for reasons unknown to anybody with a normal set of chromosomes) claimed on several occasions to have an I.Q. of 141. Although anybody who knows the man, or has ever met him, listened to him on the show, or rode on the subway with him knows differently. Okay?

Despite all the talk of how stupid and unfunny Vos is, Opie has been known to defend him and explain that he really is extremely funny onstage.

Jim Norton once referred to Vos as a "rock with teeth".

Vos also hosts a podcast called "My Wife Hates Me" with wife Bonnie McFarlane.

Vos-cabulary

Rich is known for having a somewhat unconventional vocabulary and not being funny at all. Many items on this list were read on the air on May 20, 2009, when O&A were goofing on Vos' Twitter "paux fas". A printout of this list was hung in the studio, and when Vos screws up a new word, O&A tell somebody to "add it to the list". AKA: Vosapedia / Vosipedia





English Vos Date 3:10 to Yuma 5:10 to Yumo January 10, 2011 A Clockwork Orange Clockworth Orange A River Runs Through It A River Run Throughs It Abercrombie Abercrobie March 30, 2010 Adam Ferrara Adam Fararo Addict Attic April 13, 2010 & October 11, 2013 August: Osage County August of Osage County February 8, 2014 Alcatraz Alcatrash April 26, 2010 Allman Brothers Almond Brothers Amazon.com Amazot.com Ambulance Ambalance Angelina Jolie Angela Jolie Anxiety Ang-ziety January 10, 2011 Archie Bunker Archie Buncher Arguably Argubly January 30, 2013 Arrogance Arrogancy September 14, 2012 Ashton Kutcher Asston Kushner Asparagus Sparagus Astronomy Astrology (debatable) Atlanta Alana Attitude Addatoot October 11, 2010 Auschwitz Aahschwitz Bangladesh Bongladesh April 26, 2010 (among other dates) Barack Obama Oback Barbecue Picnic September 16, 2010 Barbed wire Bob Wire Baskin-Robbins Basking Robins Bear in Livingston Beer In Limmingston Benedict Arnold Benadick Arnold September 3, 2008 Benicio Del Toro Beneetcio Del Torio Bermuda Triangle Bermuda Twiangle March 6, 2014 Bigger than Light Bigger than Life November 30, 2011 Bill Clinton Bill Cliton September 14, 2012 Bingo Pingo Birth certificate Bersertificate Black Friday Black Monday Bluetooth Blue Teeth Boa Constrictor Bo Consthichler Board Op Knob Dialer Boned Boneded Bonobo chimps Bonnaboo chimps March 18, 2010 The Borgias The Borgees August 17, 2012 Bought Boughten Brokerage Bokerage Buford Pusser (from Walking Tall) Buford Puffers Busy Dizzy Buzz Aldrin Buzz Armstrong Buzzard Buzzart Calgary Road Calvery Road Calogero (character from A Bronx Tale) Caligula Carcass Caucus Catchphrase Cat Phrase January 30, 2008 Carlos Mencia Mencina Cellulite Sellalight Celtic Price Boston Pride August 17,2012 Charlize Theron Charlene Theron Chazz Palminteri Chazz Palomeri Chaperone Chapoarone October 10, 2011 Christina Aguilera Christine Aguleria Cirque du Soleil Circus Olay Cloak Clope Coherent Cohairant June 25, 2010 College Tip's College Ship Come here Cohere April 13, 2010 Completely Competely August 27, 2010 Contraction (the reverse of expansion) Detraction Cosby Show Cawsby Show September 16, 2010 Craps table Crap table August 27, 2010 Diamond District Dime District September 16, 2010 DVD DDD David Duchovny David Ducoveny Decision Dechisin Dingo Dingdo Dinner and a Movie Soup and a Sandwich Discharge Diskcharge Discus Diskit January 28, 2005 District Distric Divorce Decree Divorce Degree Doctor's Office Doctor Offices Don Cheadle Don Che-A-Del (the 'a' is silent) Donkey Dunky Dumb Stumb Edmonton Emmintun East Bound And Down East Bound Down November 5, 2010 Energize En-urge November 26, 2013 Entree Entry E-Rock Eeroy January 31, 2011 Escalator Excalator Especially Ecspecially July 16, 2010 (Bob Kelly's podcast) Eurythmics Arithmetics Exercise Ekercise FaceTime FacePhone Faux pas Paux fas May 20, 2009 FIOS FI-us April 26, 2010 Firewire Hotwires April 13, 2010 "Flew the coop" "Floop the coop" January 20, 2011 Flying off the shelves Flying off the table From Dusk Til Dawn Ducks Til Dawn July 23, 2010 Frugal and Frivolous Frugalous January 20, 2011 Gargoyle Gargyle Gazelle Jizelle June 25, 2010 Gets in the way Gettins away June 1, 2010 Giovanni Ribisi Giovanni Burdicci Go Fish Gold Fish Godzilla Gonzilla Gonorrhea Gondarhea "Great minds think alike." "Great minds think a lot." Greg Kinnear Greg Ginnear Greta Van Susteren Greta Van Suskin Guantanamo Bay Guanamo Bay Guatemala Gualemala Halle Berry Holly Berry Halter Top Alter Top Hanna Barbera Hanna Barbara Headphones Headspeakers Headphones Earspeakers My Wife Hates Me podcast played December 13th, 2011 Hemoglobin Hemoglobem Here's the deal Here's The Deer Heroes (the TV series) Hero Homeland Homlone October 11, 2013 Holocaust Hoe-Loe-Cost Housing Houcing (on Red Eye) May 26, 2010 Humor Umor Hurry Herry August 27, 2010 Hysterectomy Histerecto-meal I'm a man's man I'm a man, man "If you fall off the horse, you got to get right back on." "If you fall off the ladder, you got to get right back on." In a coma On a coma July 23, 2010 Inanimate Inadamant Infuriate Infurreate May 15, 2014 Insignificant Igsinificant Insulation Installation Intelligence quotient Intellectual Quiz/Intellectual Quotation Interpreter Interpretater Jim Norton Show #4 Jack LaLanne Jack Alane Jägermeister Jägermonster Jake Gyllenhaal Jake Dillenworth Jake LaMotta Jake Lamotto James Gandolfini James Gadafellini July 23, 2010 Jesse Ventura Jesse Vantora Jehova's Witness Jehoba's Witness March 8, 2006 Jesus Jeez Rich's CD "I'm Killing Here" Jingle Ball (radio station concert) Jingle Bell, Jingle Balls John Cusack John Coozock John Leguizamo John Leggizamo John Malkovich John Malkovitz Jovial Jovul Julia Child Julia Childs JV & Elvis Elvis & Costello Kanye West Conway West Karaoke Kerokee September 16, 2010 Kareem Abdul Jabbar Kareem Abdo Jabbar November 7, 2013 Kathy Bates Kathleen Bates January 31, 2011 Kazzoo Quizzo August 18, 2012 Kielbasa Killbaso Knowledge Knowledgable October 10, 2011 Kohl's (department store) Colds Krugerrand Koogerand July 23, 2010 Labia Labeeuh March 18, 2010 Lambasted Lambashed Laptop Labtop April 13, 2010 Law & Order: SVU Law & Order SUV Lean Cuisine Lean Kazeene Legitimate Legitamint Liam Neeson Liam Nielsen, Liam Nelson Liberate Liberize Library Libary Light-skinned Light-Skinded Little bit wrong Little to wrong March 30, 2010 'Lost in Translation' 'Lost in Transation' January 20. 2011 Lovely Flovely ("Next to Rosie, even Leona Helmsley looks flovely") The Maiden Heist The My-den Heist Mardi Gras Madri Grag/Marty Grass Material Mateeral September 3, 2008 Matthew Broderick Matthew Brodwick Matthew McConaughey Matthew Mcconnoly Mavis Beacon Mavis Beavis MGM Grand MGM Gram October 11, 2013 Mike Birbiglia Mike Birbiglio Minimal Miminal Motel 6 Hotel 6 Mount Rushmore Mountain In Rushmore Multiple Sclerosis Multiple Scerofis, Multiple Scerosis November 5, 2010 (Multiple Scerosis) Mush Mouth Mush Mouse Netflix Net Flick New Orleans New Arleens Newark, NJ Nork (according to Vos, the "W" is silent) Nicaragua Nigger-Agua Nicorette gum Niggerette Gum Nigro Negro Oatmeal Oatmail Obscure reference Absurd Reference Opie & Anthony animals Opie and animals Fridays with Jim Breuer, November 5, 2010 Panera Bread Panero Bread June 1, 2010 Paparazzi Pavarotti, Pavaratzi Paltalk Paypal Parasailing Powersailing April 27, 2005 Paul Bond Joe Bond June 25, 2010 Peep booth Beep booth November 24, 2010 Pele (soccer player) Pay-A-Lay Pentagon Pentagog Petering Out Tetering Out Per capita Per capital November 21, 2011 Pierce Brosnan Pierce Bronson Pillow Pellow September 14, 2012 Post traumatic Post Dramatic Planet Plantet March 18, 2010 Progeria Progerio, Pojerria June 25, 2010 (Pojerria) Prom Pron October 10, 2011 Province Providence July 16, 2010 (Bob Kelly's podcast) Punch Line Punk Chline Pup Tent Pump Tent September 16, 2010 Quadriplegic Quadrocollegic Rags to riches Rags To Richer Rampant Rapid Real Weal March 18, 2010 Recognized Reckanized April 12, 2011 Red Hot Chili Peppers Red Hot Chili Papers June 26th, 2014 Reeses Reeseez Remote control TV Thing Rent-a-Center Rent-a-Furniture April 26, 2010 Reparations Repramation Jim Norton Show #4 Revolve Evolve Ricardo Montalban Roberto Montalban Rich Vos Rick Vos Ridiculed Riddleculed July 12, 2012 Rob Schneider Rob Snider Rob Zombie Rom Zobbie June 26, 2013 Rocky Horror Picture Show Rocky Picture Horror Show Rolls Royce Rose Rice Ron and Fez Ron and Flez Roy Scheider Roy Scheidner Running Rampant Running Rapid Cleveland restaurant tour on O&A and Cleveland gig Rupert Pupkin (Rich's comedic inspiration) Rupert Pumpkin Salvador Dali Salmador Dali San Quentin San Qintin Scaffolding Scafold/Scaple Schenectady, NY Sknewectidty, NY Scone Sclone Secede Succeed Secretariat (the horse, and the source for Vos' new dental implants) Secretarius Seinfeld Seinfelt "She was the greatest piece of ass I've ever had, and I've had 'em all over the world." "She had the best pussy in town." Self-Explanatory Explanatory August 27, 2010 Sherlock Holmes Sherlock Home (He also thought he was a real person) Similar Simular Simmer Stimmer Sinéad O'Connor Ginae O'Connor Skee-Ball Skittle Ball Slide Sliding Board Soap Star Stope Star Souvlaki Sivlakis Spring chicken Spring Poultry Squeegee Skreegee Star Trek Star Track Star Wars Store Wor August 18, 2012 Step Father Step Husband March 30, 2010 Steve Buscemi Steve Booshinny Steward Stort November 5, 2010 Sticklers Ticklers January 20, 2011 Stokely Carmichael Stokey Carmichael July 23, 2010 The Stress Factory The Stretch Factory November 26, 2013 Stylus Stylist May 20, 2009 Supposedly Supposevly April 19, 2012 Supreme Court Justice Supreme Corm Justice Sushi Shuchi Suzanne Somers Suzanne Sumner Swastika Swassika Taken Tooken June 25, 2010 Terabyte Tarabyte April 26, 2010 Terrestrial radio Terreskular radio Thankful Thankul November 17, 2011 The Frog from "Courageous Cat and Minute Mouse" Froggie The Three Stooges Three Stoogers Time Warner Tom Warner April 26, 2010 Tortilla Tortilia Toucher and Rich Toucher and Tebow April 26, 2010 Traditional Chadishinal (which he said while playing Lenny Bruce on American Dreams) Transition Translation April 30, 2009 Traumatized Traumanized October 11, 2010 Treadmill Tredmail Truth Shroof Tsunami Tusami Tweets (info feeds, a la Twitter.com) Twits Vagisil Vagiseal February 23, 2011 Validator Valitor My Wife Hates me played on December 13, 2011 V.D. Clinic D.V. Clinic Venereal Verial Ventriloquist Vantriloquist Vince Vaughn Vince Von June 25, 2010 The Virgin Mary Mother Mary Wackbag Lackbag Werewolf Wayawolf June 25, 2010 Wesley Snipes Wesley Sipes White Supremacist White Superior March 8, 2006 Wikipedia Wookapedia May 20, 2009 Wildebeest Wilderbeast Wilkes-Barre (Pennsylvania) Wilkes Borrough Wireless Wileless April 13, 2010 Wolfgang Puck (famed chef) Wolfman Puck Women's Lib Women Libs Worcester (pronounced "Wooster") Worster Written Wroten X-Ray glasses 3-D Glasses "You stunk then, and you stink now." "You stink then, and you stink now."



In addition, Rich has done many other stupid things:

Saying the Leaning Tower of Pisa was in France instead of Italy.

Talking on the phone and saying he's "bombing" while standing in the middle of an airport.

Buying a Rolls Royce on eBay and getting ripped off.

While talking sex with O&A, Norton and Bonnie, the subject came to masturbation and how Jim can arc a load past his head while lying down. In response to that, Rich fired out, "You ever think, 'This is the time I'm going to taste it?'"

Engaged in phone sex with Bonnie, Rich said "You have one of the best tasting pussies ever." One of?

Thinking that people in Brazil spoke Brazilian, instead of Portuguese.

Said that a layer of ice levitates above water.

Thinking that Everett, WA (a city) was Mount Everest.

Thinking a teleprompter had ancient hieroglyphics scroll on it.

Thinking Virginia Tech was in West Virginia.

Thinking the Department of Agriculture was a branch of the government as opposed to a Cabinet Department.

Referring to the two landlords on Three's Company (Mr. Roper and Mr. Furley) as the two Ropers.

(Mr. Roper and Mr. Furley) as the two Ropers. Once met Ann Coulter at a party and thought she was Laura Ingraham.

Misspelled his daughter's name on her birth certificate.

During an appearance on May 20, 2009, Vos blurted out his Twitter account password - comic630 - live on the air. It turns out he used the same password for his MySpace, Facebook, and email accounts. The Pests and some O&A staff members immediately took over everything. They replaced his picture on Twitter with one of Jimmy in his underwear and one of a horse's ass, and signed him up to follow gay Twitter sites. To top it all off, Vos described the incident as a "paux fas" instead of a "faux pas".

Claimed he knew that Washington crossed the Delaware because "they took pictures."

Believed that flavored potato chips (i.e. Salt & Vinegar) were first sold 'in the past five years' (c. 2002)

Belived that Germany was the last country to surrender during World War II; in reality, Japan was.

Stated than an old lady's pussy looks like a catcher's mask.

Said Bonnie was acting passive agressive even though he didn't know what that meant. (September 2, 2009)

When discussing a town where he had a gig, Vos asked "Is there a college up there where kids go to college?" (September 2, 2009)

Thought roosters were a different animal from chickens.

When asked what the short form of Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation was (i.e. LASER), he said the speed of light. (September 2, 2009)

When asked what the largest planet in the solar system was (i.e. Jupiter), his guesses included Mercury and the moon. (September 2, 2009)

Said the "L" was silent in Stephen Colbert's last name (it's actually the "T"). (October 8, 2009)

"Great minds think a lot." Enough said.

"Phone calls are tough." (Nov 17, 2009)

Said there was a scene in The Shining where the hallway is on fire, when he was thinking of the scene where blood pours out of the elevator. (December 4, 2009)

where the hallway is on fire, when he was thinking of the scene where blood pours out of the elevator. (December 4, 2009) For Bonnie's birthday, he got her gifts from CVS and took her to Houlihan's. (March 30, 2010)

After seeing a story on the news about the anniversary of Lucille Ball's death, Vos thought that she just died (she actually died 21 years earlier, in 1989). (April 26, 2010)

Asked what a wireless TV remote was. (June 1, 2010)

Was amazed when O&A showed him the Google Maps site, and thought the pictures from it were from today. (July 23, 2010)

Called U2 a cover band. (July 23, 2010)

Thought that the recent political primaries were about Democrats and Republicans running against each other (like in the general election), instead of Democrats and Republicans choosing the party candidates. (September 16, 2010)

When he was told he looked like the Situation's father, Vos said that was a "play on words". (November 5, 2010)

He attempted to spell "Louie" twice and failed both times. His first attempt was L-e-y his second attempt was L-e-w (During the Dumb Off)

Spelled Patrice Oneal, "Patrice O'Neil" on Twitter as his tribute. He wondered why Huffington Post didn't pick his tweet for their Twitter slideshow. (November 30th, 2011)

He ACTUALLY said this. "I've said this on the radio and it's not gay, but the male penis looks so much better than the vagina" (September 14, 2012)

When astrophysicist Neil DegGrasse Tyson was in studio, Vos mentioned 'The Cauliflower Theory', believing it to be some kind of real scientific theory. No one knew what he was talking about, as no such theory exists. After Tyson left, they tried to figure out where Vos had got the term from, and ultimately decided it was just him mixing up another word because he is dumb. He also asked Tyson what his 'conclusion' was on the Bermuda Twiangle. Bob Kelly was present during the interview, suggesting that they throw a benefit in order to raise money to send Vos to school. (March 6, 2014)

Fun Facts

Had a horrendous, stench filled bag of pus behind his ear. That he would drain on air for people to smell. He said it smelled like grape jelly.

Having unbending midget fingers not unlike turtle feet.

Has big fake teeth and long stories about when he smoked crack.

He "knows the struggle".

AKA "The World's Tallest Midget".

AKA "The World's Dumbest Jew".

Married comedian Bonnie McFarlane in 2005. Apparently knocked her up sometime around September, 2006. She gave birth to a daughter in 2007.

Swallowed his own crown in 2005 and actually searched through his own feces to find it because he was too cheap to buy a replacement.

Would pull into the emptiest hotel parking lot with a lady and say it's sold out.

On March 1st, 2006, Rich produced a 4 to 6 inch long booger... which Wild Bill touched with his tongue for $42.00.

Has a self-proclaimed IQ of 141.

Has tattoos - a no-no in the Jewish religion.

Used to have a Jheri curl.

Has been using Nicorette gum since 2005. The recommended course of treatment is 12 weeks.

Is considered a shitty actor; he brags about playing Lenny Bruce on the TV show American Dreams , but his performance sounded nothing like Bruce, and his portrayal of Lenny's comedy sounded no different than a regular Vos performance. As a joke, O&A had him act out a scene from A Bronx Tale with Chazz Palminteri - to call it shit would be an insult to shit. See Louie Beans for more details.

, but his performance sounded nothing like Bruce, and his portrayal of Lenny's comedy sounded no different than a regular Vos performance. As a joke, O&A had him act out a scene from with Chazz Palminteri - to call it shit would be an insult to shit. See Louie Beans for more details. Rich and Jimmy once had a girl lay in between them while they jerked off. Vos blew his load first and when he went into the bathroom, he started smelling cat shit. This made him start dry heaving while Jimmy was trying to finish in the other room.

Rich and Jimmy shared girls who were said to be a 2 and a 4. The girl who was a 4, ate Rich's ass out. Vos told her to go blow Jimmy and she did. The girl ended up making out with Jimmy. Rich informed Jimmy after that she had just eaten his ass before she went and made out with him.

Used to wear short-shorts to entice a male drug dealer to give him drugs (revealed on May 16, 2007).

After mispronouncing several celebrity names, Steven S from Bayshore came up with the idea of showing Vos pictures of celebrities and having him guess their names (November 14, 2008)

On his second date with his future wife, he gave her oral treats in the back of his car.

Chose to spend Christmas, 2008 with his ex-wife and kids instead of going to Canada with Bonnie and their baby.

Competed in a trivia contest with Bobo. (September 2, 2009)

Likes to shop at Wal-Mart for golf balls and pita bread.

Has a brother with one leg. Vos hates him. He once had to drive his brother somewhere and hated doing it because he doesn't like doing nice things for him. Bonnie got mad at Vos for this. His brother died in December 2013. Vos was NOT happy that his brother's death ruined his weekend. Vos gave a eulogy that included jokes and was happy that he killed it. He was introduced as a comedian by the Rabbi, who knew who he was. He did opt for the more expensive stained coffin rather then the plain wood one. He also admitted that he was a little bit more sad when Tara from Sons of Anarchy died than when his brother died.

Feels that water is overrated.

He is EXTREMELY cheap!

During The Glenn Beck Show, Vos was made fun of and killed by Glenn Beck over his not understanding how the new health care system works, even after Anthony had explained it multiple times. Glenn made fun of his voice and inability to talk. (July 17, 2012)

Once tried to shove a Powerade product up Bonnie's pussy (November 21, 2012)

See Also