DALLAS—In an effort to comfort the recovering quarterback after a broken collarbone sidelined him for the season, Dallas Cowboys defensive end Greg Hardy reportedly assured Tony Romo Wednesday that he has seen plenty of ex-girlfriends come back from far more serious injuries. “I know you’re feeling down right now, but listen, I’ve seen exes make full recoveries after being in much worse shape than you, trust me,” said Hardy, promising that if his last three girlfriends were all able to get back to normal following months of extensive physical therapy, there was no way a hairline fracture would keep Romo out for long. “I remember a girlfriend in college who got hurt really bad—Amanda actually ended up needing surgery—but she powered through it and eventually regained all the mobility in her shoulder. Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?” At press time, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones had praised Hardy as “a fantastic teammate” and offered the defensive lineman a new five-year, $89 million contract.

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