(I am in the mailroom getting my mail on Valentine’s Day, and there is another student in there with his girlfriend checking his mail. Both of us have mailboxes on the very last row, which makes them hard to get to. The boyfriend gets on one knee, and reaches into his pocket.)

Girlfriend: “You’re seriously proposing to me? I’m not ready for this yet!”

(The boyfriend pulls his key out of pocket.)

Girlfriend: “You couldn’t have even gotten me a ring? You had to propose to me with a key made of shiny fake gold?”

(The boyfriend opens his mailbox.)

Girlfriend: *embarrassed* “Oh. I see. Never mind.”

Me: “This is why I don’t bring my girlfriend here.”