Trigger warning for animal euthanasia.

I might as well call this “Don’t Read This Article,” because it’s not a topic anyone wants to discuss. However, I’m putting this out there so that people can find it if they need it.

It is a sad reality that we outlive our pets. This means that, as owners, we are required to make the difficult decisions involved with ending our dogs’ lives. It’s heart-rending and terrible and anxiety-producing to make such a decision, and if you wait until your pet is in their last days to think about it, you are more likely to make an emotional decision that is not in anyone’s best interest.

The first thing I can tell you is that I have read thousands of applications for people wanting to adopt dogs from our rescue. Part of the application requires information on previous pets, including how they died and of what. Of these thousands of applications, I have seen hundreds of people worry that they waited too long to euthanize their dog, but I only remember a few who worried about the opposite. So if you are like most of the people I’ve encountered, you will probably lean toward waiting too long rather than doing something premature.

Advance Planning

Because you aren’t going to be able to trust yourself at the time, it really helps to think about what your beliefs are concerning your dog. For example, do you want to try heroic measures to keep them alive? Are there certain kinds of treatment that you would rule out? Knowing what you will and won’t do in advance is very helpful. It also helps to talk to friends who have lost their pets to see what they experienced (assuming they want to talk about it, of course). Some people will volunteer information about what they would do differently — listen.

The most important thing to think about in advance, though, is your dog’s personality. We always joked that our dog Maggie would want us to invest in “head in a jar” technology so she could stay with us forever. On the other hand, our proud Chow Chow would be humiliated by his weakness and would not want to endure that. Likewise, your dog has a personality, too, and this should be a strong factor in your decision-making.

Once you have made up your mind, remind yourself about it regularly. I told myself every day for several years that on the first day Chowder couldn’t stand up without help, that would be his last day. I didn’t end up having to make that decision, so I don’t know if I would have gone through with it, but I think I could have done it.

When It’s Upon You

When you realize that your dog is in their last days, or that it has received a diagnosis of a rapidly accelerating fatal condition, you will be under an immense amount of pressure to make decisions. Again, I suggest you pay attention to your dog for cues. The most important thing to be alert for is The Look. It’s capitalized because it is a Real Thing. At some point near the end of its life, your dog will make eye contact with you. There will be something about that particular eye contact that you will recognize when you see it. Your dog will tell you, as clearly as if they had it notarized, that they are ready to go. If you accept what you are seeing, you’ll be able to make the decision a little more easily. Even the devoted Maggie eventually gave my husband The Look, and because he knew what he was seeing, it made the decision clearer.

For older dogs, you should also look for signs that your dog isn’t quite with you anymore. They might seem to be lost in a dream. You might see them standing still sometimes, doing nothing. They might be confused. They might not connect as much with you. When your dog starts doing that, you need to start preparing yourself.

At this point I would also advise you to watch for the “One Good Day” syndrome. If you are at the point where your dog has Good Days and Bad Days, you need to be on alert. It’s so tempting to be heartened by the Good Days, but the reality is that if you are going by the fact that your dog is still having them occasionally, you need to be aware that eventually you will be waiting for a Good Day that never comes. In the interim, your dog is suffering.

Unreliable Sources

It has been my experience that a lot of vets will suggest one more thing to try when your dog is at the end. Some people would say that it’s a grab for money, but I think it reflects the reality that there are a lot of options, and your vet knows all of them. They don’t want to give up on your dog. That’s why you need to be especially wary if for some reason you find yourself with a different vet than your normal one when it is time to euthanize your dog. That happened to me and Victoria with Leo. We knew what we needed to do, but the temporary vet thought it was appropriate to throw out a few suggestions of things he had heard of while we were preparing to have the calming shot administered. Fortunately, I was able to remember and say firmly, “NO.” I failed Leo in a lot of ways that day, but I’m damn proud of myself for not grabbing for that lifeline.

I also advise you not to let anyone make you feel bad about your decision. If they make you feel worse, IGNORE THEM. Their opinions have no bearing. You are your dog’s advocate, and you know them best. All of these other people can step off. (And by “step” I think you know what I mean.)

I’m sorry you have to go through this. It’s a terrible experience, no way around it. The only thing you can do is prepare and endure. Hopefully this article will help.