Big thanks to Mollie Hemingway at The Federalist for yet another reason I’m glad I did a Snake Plissken and escaped from the District of Columbia.

Check out this utter nonsense:

Oh, it gets better. Skyler Wilder, NBCOlympics.com:

David Wise’s alternative lifestyle leads to Olympic gold

“Hey, Nayeli,” he said peering into the camera. “Daddy loves you!”

Those were the words of David Wise, the freestyle skiing halfpipe gold medalist Tuesday night after he won his event’s first-ever Olympic medal…

Not to say the rest of the freestyle skiers of halfpipe are not mature, but Wise is mature far beyond his years. At only twenty-three years old, he has a wife, Alexander, who was waiting patiently in the crowd, and together they have a two-year-old daughter waiting for them to return to their home in Reno, Nevada.

At such a young age, Wise has the lifestyle of an adult.

Let me repeat that last bit, in case you missed it:

At such a young age, Wise has the lifestyle of an adult.

Did it occur to the delightfully named Skyler Wilder, or anybody else at NBC who read this copy before or after it was published, that David Wise has the lifestyle of an adult because he is an adult?

That’s a rhetorical question. Of course it didn’t. What we’re seeing here is a combination of two ongoing projects of leftists and the mainstream media (PTR): the infantilization of America’s young adults, and the “otherization” of completely normal people who don’t behave like they’re on Friends or Two and a Half Men or whatever.

Want your parents to coddle you until you’re 26? You’re in luck, bro! Thanks, Obamacare. Want to put off adult responsibilities indefinitely? You have that option. If you were born in 1984 or after, you have more options than any other generation in American history.*

And, amazingly enough, one of those options is to marry your beautiful, supportive high-school sweetheart, start a family, and otherwise behave like you know what you’re doing. But that’s now an “alternative lifestyle.” An adult taking on adult responsibilities is an “alternative lifestyle.”

Yes, yes, I know what you’re about to say. This is coming from a guy who has avoided adult responsibilities his whole life. And who is, shall we say, well over 21. (“You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.”)

But that’s just me. It’s baffling to me that anybody would find David Wise’s life baffling. If he were a transgendered African-American dwarf with multiple personality disorder and a face full of piercings, NBC would be all over that $#!+. But he’s just a boring white dude with a wife and a kid. Even though he’s still young enough to be on a reality show.

He probably even likes his mom and dad. He probably eats at Chili’s or something. What a freak!

As I mentioned, I moved away from DC last week. It’s so good to be back in America.

(Hat tip: Will Rahn)

Update: Why does Facebook have 50 gender options? Because that’s all they can think of for now.

Update: Apparently, Skyler Wilder has penned a Swiftian masterpiece and I just didn’t get it.

*That window is closing rapidly, so I don’t blame you if you want to enjoy the ride as long as you can.