It has all come down to this. After two years of sloganeering, more than $2 billion in ads, and all the phony umbrage the two parties could muster, it’s finally time for America to vote.

The truth is that Election Night can be kind of a bore, at least until the returns start rolling in. So: might we suggest a beverage? If you’re a Republican, you should have plenty to celebrate; if you’re a Democrat, the booze may help numb the pain. Either way, pour yourself a drink, and raise your glass to one of democracy’s great glorious rituals.

Here are TIME’s 2014 Election Night drinking game suggestions:

“Ground game.” The key is to p ace yourself. Drink one sip.



An incumbent is described as “embattled.” Drink three sips.

A Taylor Swift reference. Drink three.

“It will all come down to turnout.” Finish your drink.

John King doodles on his Magic Wall. Drink one.

A network presents publicly available information as an exclusive. Drink three.

Hologram sighting. Finish your drink.

A Democratic dynasty candidate loses. This includes: Mark Begich, Jason Carter, Andrew Cuomo, Mary Landrieu, Michelle Nunn, Mark Pryor, Mark Udall. Drink one. Let’s not go crazy.

Democrats win a battleground state: Alaska, Arkansas, Colorado, Iowa, Georgia, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, New Hampshire or North Carolina. Finish your drink.

A winning candidate thanks God. Drink one.

A winning candidate thanks his or her big donors. Drink three.

A winning candidate thanks Barack Obama. Finish your drink.

An anchor or correspondent cites an obscure, “crucial” county that may determine the fate of a race. Drink one.

You’ve heard of the county. Drink three.

Because you’ve heard of the county, you know the person touting its importance just mangled its name. Finish your drink.

A Democratic pundit points to the history of midterm losses for a sitting president. Drink one.

A Republican describes a win as a “mandate.” Drink one.

Newt Gingrich uses an out-of-proportion superlative. Drink three.



A media pundit advises Obama to “hit the reset button” or fire people who were in no way responsible for anything that transpired on Election Night. Finish your drink.

A winning candidate praises an opponent that he or she has been brutally savaging for months. Drink one.

The number of American flags on stage at a candidate’s victory speech exceeds the number of Electoral College votes in that state. Drink three.



A winning candidate is not wearing a flag pin. Finish your drink.

The number of on-screen pundits discussing the political impact of the Ebola virus exceeds the number the Americans with the Ebola virus. Finish your drink.

Someone notes that there’s only 730 days until we do this again. It’s time to call it a night.



Feel free to add your own twists. Make sure to drink water. Don’t drink and drive. And remember: this is the greatest democracy on Earth, even though it can sometimes look like the silliest.

Write to Alex Altman at alex_altman@timemagazine.com.