



BREAKING... A Far-Left conspiracy blog called “The New York Times” declared itself to be a “reputable newspaper” last week, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. The unsubstantiated claim is just the latest of many cries for legitimacy published by (and for) the website’s unremarkable flock of struggling bloggers.





We reached out to several media experts, none of whom were willing to characterize The New York Times as “a credible newspaper.” However, according to archaeological findings unearthed during the construction of President Trump’s big, beautiful border wall, there once was a widely circulated newspaper that bore the same logo as the one that the lesser-known Left-Wing blog bears today.





Upon further review, sources confirmed that the New York Times was, indeed, a news publication of some repute circa the late 20th century; but for reasons unknown, the former newspaper was repurposed in the early 21st century for use as a low-grade liner for birdcages and litter boxes.





It appears that the New York Times of yesteryear has now been co-opted by a fringe collective of Left-Wing conspiracy theorists desperate to turn their basement blog into a budding business in their futile attempt to avoid learning how to code.