You can’t make this stuff up. And you wouldn’t want to.

Via Public Shaming, which I found via FreakOutNation: Tim Lambesis, the lead singer and co-founder of the Christian heavy metal band As I Lay Dying, was arrested Wednesday for allegedly trying to hire a hit man to murder his estranged wife. Many of his fans have been defending him… not by saying, “This is impossible, he’s a good person, he would never do something like this, it must be some sort of horrible mistake”… but by saying that the victim of the intended murder was a “bitch,” a “cunt,” a “slut,” “crazy,” “annoying,” a “crazy hoe,” who “probably deserved it.”

Oh — and by saying, “God help all feminists from my wrath if I never hear another new As I Lay Dying album because of some slut.” Because opposition to murder for hire is totally an extremist feminazi plot.

“Still in shock about the Tim Lambesis arrest. His wife must have been one hell of a bitch for him want try and do that!”

“My friend Andrew just told me about the As I Lay Dying thing that happend. Damn. Wife must be a bitch.”

“I still love As I Lay Dying. Whatever. His wife was probably a cunt anyway.”

Greta here: There’s something about the “Whatever” in this one that gets to me. Yeah, so a musician I love and respect may have tried to hire someone to kill his wife. Whatever. It’s not like that’s a big deal or anything. You women are always stirring up drama.

“The singer for As I Lay Dying gets arrested for trying to hire a hitman to kill his wife. Bitch must be crazy/ annoying AF”

Greta here: Because being annoying definitely deserves the death penalty. The wages of annoyance is death.

“As I lay dying story is interesting. Maybe his wife was a cunt? Praying never trumps taking action. #mellow”

Greta here: Because the “action” one wants to take in the world is hiring a hit man to kill your estranged wife. Well, as long as you’re #mellow about it.

“Pretty bummed by the Tim Lambesis thing. Hopin it all works out for him and the band. I guess sometimes you just gotta kill a bitch, right?”

Greta here: Right. Sometimes you just gotta kill a bitch. That’s exactly what Jesus would do. Well, as long as your priorities are straight. Hope it works out for the would-be murdering singer and his band. Hope I can keep listening to my Christian metal music. That’s the important thing.

“In retrospect, I bet that bitch was crazy. Free Tim Lambesis.”

Greta here: “In retrospect.” Translation: “Nothing she ever did led me to believe she was crazy, but now that her estranged husband seems to have hired a hit man to murder her, it becomes clear — she probably was crazy. And the person who tried to kill her should therefore go free.”

“She probably deserved it! Tim Lambesis is still someone I look up to! #FREELAMBEZ”

Greta here: Translation: “I am not willing to consider the possibility that someone I looked up to could have done something so terrible. Therefore, I am going to warp my entire moral code and insist that the target of an attempted murder deserved it. Because it’s more important to me to admire a rock musician than it is to have a bare baseline of human decency.”

“Tim Lambesus can want a bitch dead. I know I want a few dead. Haha.”

Greta here: Haha! There are women in the world I hate so much I want their lives extinguished. Isn’t that funny?

“FREE Tim Lambesis. everyone wants someone dead at some point he just had the money and balls to.do it even if he didnt succeed. Props dude”

Greta here: You know how atheists are always asking believers, “If it were proven to you with 100% certainty that there is no God, would you run around killing people?” Apparently for some of them, the answer is “Yes.” Apparently for some of them, the only thing preventing them from committing murder isn’t even fear of God — it’s lack of money or courage. And those who do muster the courage to attempt murder? Props.

“Tim from As I Lay Dying arrested for setting a hit on his wife? Bitch probably deserved it.”

“As I Lay Dying front man arrested for hiring a hit man for his wife. She probably deserves it.”

“Time Lambesis from As I Lay Dying got arrested for trying to hire someone to kill his wife… Im sure she deserved it haha”

Greta here: What’s with the “haha”? I think if someone I admired were arrested for alleged attempted murder, my reaction would not be hilarity. Even if I thought they were wrongly accused, I don’t think I’d be laughing. You keep using this phrase, “haha.” I do not think it means what you think it means.

“So the singer of As I Lay Dying got arrested for trying to hire someone to kill his ex wife. I bet she’s a bitch.”

“So about Tim Lambesies… its definitely his wife’s fault, no way Tim just does that she musta been one crazy hoe”

Greta here: Translation: “There’s no way this person I admire could have done something bad. Therefore, by definition, the target must have done something so terrible, so unspeakable, that she deserved it. And being a crazy hoe definitely meets that standard.”

“I don’t care if @TimLambesis “allegedly” tried to hire a motherfucker to kill his bitch wife. @ASILAYDYING is still my shit. #Forever”

Greta here: “I don’t care.” Really. Not, “this can’t be true”; in this case, not even, “she probably deserved it.” “I don’t care.” About attempted murder. Cold-blooded, plotting- it- in- advance, hiring- someone- to- do- it murder. I don’t care.

“The As I Lay Dying lead singer was arrested for conspiracy to murder his wife @SheProbablyDeservedIt”

Greta here: There’s something about turning “she probably deserved it” into a hashtag. Really hope it doesn’t trend.

“@timlambesis She probably deserved it”

Tweet 1 of a three-tweet conversation: “Tim Lambesies may have hired someone to murder his wife, but to be fair, she did subtweet gossiping rumors about him for a few months.”

Tweet 2 of a three-tweet conversation: “@DevinePowers I have decided that no matter what happened it’s definitely that bitches fault”

Tweet 3 of a three-tweet conversation: “@HeckDynasty @DevinePowers God help all feminists from my wrath if I never hear a new As I Lay Daying album because of some slut”

Greta here: “To be fair, she did subtweet gossiping rumors about him.” And murder is a totally fair response to spreading gossip.

“I have decided that no matter what happened it’s definitely that bitches fault.” No matter what happened. Literally nothing will persuade me that I am wrong about bitches deserving to be murdered.

“God help all feminists from my wrath if I never hear a new As I Lay Daying album because of some slut” No comment.

And now, if you’ll all excuse me, I have to go take a shower. And cry. And throw up.