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Disgraced former Labor Senator Sam Dastyari has today come out and provided context to his treasonous actions that saw him forced into resignation from public office.

“I was on the sauce” he said.

“Both times”

Dastyari is of course referring to two seperate incidents that linked him to dodgy shit with Chinese donors, an insatiable flame he was unable to stop looking at during his embattled career in the upper house.

In September 2016, Dastyari resigned as Manager of Opposition Business and Consumer Affairs Spokesman after reports emerged that he had asked a donor with links to the Chinese Communist Party to pay a travel bill.

This blunder, and the subsequent revelations that saw him publicly backflipping on his party’s policy regarding the South China Sea, resulted in pressure from Shorten to force Dastyari into a resignation from his shadow front bench.

The NSW Senator then avoided headlines for quite some time before popping up again in 2017 and pretending like nothing had happened, only to be quickly crucified again by media reports of a second fuck up.

This time it was Dastyari’s meeting with Chinese national, Huang Xiangmo, where he told the controversial foreign donor that his phone was likely being tapped by intelligence agencies and that they should leave their phones inside and speak outside to avoid being overheard.

“I was so pissed for all of that” said Dasher, in an interview with KISS FM or whoever the fuck it is that is still giving him airtime post-politics.

“I was so blind I needed Fred Hollows”

“But I was also Iranian, so I kind of had to stand down or I would have been Yassmin’d over to London.”

“If only I was a leathery white supremacist from Buderim… I’d have survived that shit, easy”

“Or a gay conservative sign-writer from Yeppoon. That guy seems to get away with much, much, much more serious misconduct”