Melania Trump hasn’t been seen in public for 24 days. This side plot in the daily broadcast of As the World Burns has included a mysterious five-day hospital stay for what is normally a routine outpatient procedure, and even that lame cover story for her disappearing act expired more than two weeks ago. (A tweet from her account a couple of days ago sounded exactly like it had been written or more likely dictated by our semi-literate dictator of a president).

So what’s going on? Did Donald leave the seat up one too many times? Did he violate some norm of American constitutional law that offended the delicate jurisprudential sensibilities of America’s most famous mail order bride? Or could it be that she’s mad because she suddenly discovered that, several months into his presidency and her tenure as AMFMOB, her ever-wayward husband decided to enjoy sexual congress with Miss November 2010, without employing any prophylactic measures, which resulted in a pregnancy, an abortion, and a $1.6 million dollar bribe and complementary fake cover story from Jabba the Hutt lookalike and GOP money man Elliott Broidy, with said bribe then being used to shut Shera Bechard up about her cameo role in The Greatest Love Story Ever Told?

Let’s examine the evidence for this crazy conspiracy theory:

On May 8th, New York magazine published this all-too-plausible collection of circumstantial evidence for a Trump-Bechard-Broidy coverup.

Two days after that, Melania drops out of public view.

A few days later, a blockbuster AP expose provides a bunch of specific direct evidence for why the circumstantial case is likely to be correct.

Since then, your faithful correspondent has nailed down a few more details of this heartwarming little human interest story, including:

(1) When Shera Bechard told a friend she was pregnant.

(2) When she told another friend she was due.

(3) Where she was on the likely conception date, given (1) and (2).

(4) Where Donald Trump was on that date.

Let’s just say this story is getting more interesting all the time.