4. PC Elitists aka

Usually plays: Counterstrike, WoW, Starcraft

Favorite snack: Bawls

These well-to-do social misfits point their pimply, upturned noses squarely in the direction of the millions of folks who own and enjoy consoles. We've got no problem with PC gamers in general, but the elitist punks we refer to won't let us enjoy anything other than PC games without giving us hulking mouthfuls of wretched snark.

Don't bother reasoning with them; they'll simply LOL you to pieces and snidely proclaim that you "just don't get it." That may be true, but you can take solace in what you do get: laid, for one. And probably exercise.

Refrain from pointing out that with the chunk of change they dropped prepping their rig for a nonexistent title, they could've bought any next-gen console they pleased and an ass load of great games... including most of the ones they've busted many a nut over on the PC.