OTTAWA, ON—During a Canadian Medical Association conference afterparty at the Hunk Hut last month, Health Minister Jane Philpott received a wild, 71-minute lap dance from total manpanther Johnny "Big Boy" Brock, a service that cost Canadian taxpayers $738 and infuriated the opposition. The news immediately follows this week's earlier revelation that Philpott spent nearly $7,000 of taxpayer money on a luxury car service.

Conservative health critic Colin Carrie said the epic lap dance was an abuse of the public purse, and called on Minister Philpott to pay it back immediately.

"It's totally reasonable to enjoy a lapper at the rippers after a long day of seminars and meetings," Carrie said. "But you stop after one song, two tops, and if you're going to let a sweaty Adonis like Big Boy bump and grind up on you for over an hour, don't expect Canadians to foot the bill."

NDP MP Charlie Angus was equally critical of the minister.

"No one is asking Dr. Philpott to sit back in the club without treating herself to some hunk straddling her like a wild bronco," Angus said. "But did she really have to spring for the most chiseled beefcake in there?"

Angus added that Philpott would have easily saved taxpayers hundreds of dollars if she'd chosen one of the homelier, less expensive dancers instead of a rock-hard stud like "Big Boy."

In a statement issued Wednesday morning, Philpott apologized for the expense and promised to pay it back.

"Like most politicians, I can get a little carried away when I'm seven vodka sodas deep and surrounded by so much premium ass," Philpott said, admitting that she finds it near-impossible to resist the siren call of a sweaty hunk in a glittering G-string. "But that's my cross to bear, and Canadians shouldn't have to pay for it."

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