I don’t think there’s anything more beneficial in life than having a gay brother. I always had stylish clothes to steal from him. I listened to more feminine music than most guys, giving me more to talk to girls about. He never beat the shit out of me for fun like my friends older brothers did. Just an all around win. It blows my mind that there are people out there who don’t like gay people. Just absolutely throws me for a loop. Like, what’s not to like about gay people? I’m going to go over some of the explanations I’ve heard…

1.) It’s not the way God wanted things to be. It’s not in the bible.

Ummm, ok? What the fuck is your point? Personally, I don’t think people should swim in the ocean. Fucking sharks, jellyfish, sharp rocks. That’s something I firmly believe in. Do you see me at the beach telling people they shouldn’t be swimming? Religion is a belief, not a reality. A belief is something that’s supposed to happen in your head, not something you need to push on other people. Save it for Sunday, bro. Go sit in the booth and ‘pray’ for gay people. Just don’t say anything about it in public, otherwise everyone will know how much of a stupid bigot you are.

2.) It’s unnatural. It’s offensive.

Unnatural? You want to talk about unnatural? How about psychotic mothers putting make-up on their 5 year olds and showcasing them for the worlds pedophiles to watch on fucking daytime television? Or how about other countries thinking it’s okay to literally beat a women’s face to a pulp for talking back to their husbands? You say nothing about stuff like this, yet you find two people loving each other “unnatural”. Yeah, no, it makes total sense. And offensive? Don’t get me started on things being “offensive”. I’ve been accused of being “offensive” before (Crazy, right?). What are people trying to prove by saying “I’m offended by that”? You’re offended? “Guys! Did you hear that? They’re offended. We should probably start doing things a little different, because this one can’t handle their emotions and needs everyone else to be sensitive to it.” Get the fuck right out of town, you loon. No one cares if you’re offended. It’s irrelevant. I’m offended that you thought it was okay to walk out of the house rocking the socks/crocs combo.

3.) They can’t procreate. How am I supposed to explain that to my kids?

Umm, like this. “There are many different types of people in the world. One of these types of people are gay people. Being gay is when two people of the same gender love each other. They may not be able to have children, but they can adopt children who don’t have families and take care of them.” Boom. Took me like, 35 hungover seconds to figure that out. If you can’t figure that out as a parent, then maybe you shouldn’t be a parent. And why are people worried about procreation like it’s even remotely an issue? Go to China and start talking that rubbish.

Shit is bonkers. There are some things in life I’ll never understand, and not liking gay people is at the top of the list. I think these people just need more gay friends. Or maybe they’re afraid to like gay people. Maybe these hateful assholes are so deep in the closet that the gays had to find a new place to hide. Whatever it is, I’m 1000% sure that our kids are gonna look back at this time and feel the same way we feel about how blacks were treated back in the day. Our kids are gonna ask “Why?”, and I’m not gonna have an answer. I’m just gonna say, “During those times, a lot of people were rolling dog shit up and smoking it to get high. Some of the side affects were being irrational, being intolerant, and trying to stop humans from evolving as a species. Crazy, right? So don’t smoke dog shit. And stay out of the ocean.”

@frames