ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Taking one and scoring 16 in a winning team is still a win, according to one local man who spoke briefly to our reporter at the Trevor Chappell Cricket Centre in Betoota Heights this morning.

It’s even a victory worth celebrating, he says.

Coming in at seventh-drop on Saturday, area small business owner Greg Almasa said his twelve-year-old County blade has served him well but it’s time to upgrade.

Our reporter, who was at our town’s largest and most popular cricket shop to ask the polite and helpful staff if they’d be able to repair the Kahuna 2000 he used to smash a clubhouse toilet to bits after being given out leg before by a delivery that pitched so far down leg is basically fucking bounced off Rottnest fucking Island before making it’s way back to the keeper, was interest to hear his reasoning for the new purchase.

“Well, I’ve just got my tax return back and the economy is completely fucked so I thought I’d do my bit and stimulate the economy. No thanks to soft-eyed Josh or that right place right time happy clapper,”

“My old bat has a middle the size of a Jat so it’s time. Now that I’ve got my eye in, it’s probably time to upgrade,”

“I’ve been eyeing off a Bradbury. They’re hand made in Perth for the likes of Quickhands Ponting and kick-you-in-the-chin Langer. They’re the Ford Fairlane of cricket bat, if you ask this red-nosed left-armer.

“But you can’t beat the price on this TON! But you get what you pay for in this world, Errol. Perhaps I should go with the old oval-handle laughing bird, like you. How does it feel in the hands? You look like you love showing mid on the stickers moments before you spoon the slow one to him. You play straight?”

Our reporter nodded but explained he was more of an along the carpet type player that leaves the show-boating to the team’s younger players.

“It’s a hard decision.”

After the staff told our reporter that his bat was beyond saving and he’d have to go back to using the kit’s bat, he sighed and left the shop with Greg, who also didn’t end up buying anything.

More to come.

