SPOILER ALERT: This weekly blog is for those who have been watching the new series of Doctor Who. Don’t read ahead if you haven’t seen episode three – The Curse of the Black Spot

Dan Martin’s episode two blog

“We’ve all got to go sometime. There are much worse ways to go than having your face knocked off by a dodgy mermaid.”

Doctor Who and the Pirates! There’s no doubt that that’s a concept that children are going to lap up. And no doubt there’s plenty of grownups among us who will have been glad of a spot of light relief after that opening 1-2 punch. It’s just that, after the outright sluttiness of that opener, this just felt like a gentle flirt in the park, holding hands. And that can’t help but feel a little bit anticlimax.

Which isn’t to say that The Curse of the Black Spot was a bad episode by any stretch. Here was a nice old-fashioned runaround bolstered by some high concepts and cute moments. In many ways it was the most classic Who we’ve seen in a while: arrive in a classic scenario, have some fun with the iconography (loved Pond and the cutlass), end up in mortal danger, discover classic scenario is actually a bizarre spaceship, discover the alien isn’t what it seemed to be, learn a valuable life lesson, romp off again.

And there itself is the rub, because that’s exactly what this episode was: somebody writing Doctor Who as what they think it is rather than what it’s turned into.

“Oh good: for a moment there I thought it was yours!”

A great guest turn from Hugh Bonneville couldn’t disguise the other problem here. We imagine that pirates are swashbuckling, romantic, exciting people. In fact they are thieves and murderers, and this tried to have its cake and it eat it. Bonneville plays Avery as a hero who made the wrong choices, all it takes is for his son to turn up so he gets an attack of conscience, but not enough of one to stop him keeping the treasure and risking everyone’s life. He never really repents and the Doctor never really calls him out on it. Little Toby gets to live and the pirates pretty much get away with it all – even the really hammy, gnarly one played by Kenny from Press Gang. In fact they’re rewarded with their own spaceship to go off pirating in. And in Doctor Who that’s the best reward of all.

Fear Factor

Props to Lily Cole for creating one of the most rounded characters here without actually having any lines. The Siren was the most successful part of this, with nicely realised FX, a clever concept with the reflections, and a genuine chill when she got her fangs out.

Mysteries and Questions

The two big clues of the series are dropped in; Frances Barber’s eye-patch dream lady, and the mystery of the Pond pregnancy. So let’s indulge in a little more wild speculation: A lot’s being made this year of how much Amy and Rory really love each other. And it’s being genuinely insinuated (in the publicity if not the show) that Rory may be heading to the dark side. So could the real Big Bad this year be love itself? A wild and impossible love that allows a man made of plastic to wait outside a tomb for 2000 years and allows a girl with no previous rescue training to save her husband’s life? Love is a very dangerous emotion, it can make people do the most terrible things. Is this what will lead A Good Man To Go To War? Moffat has form with this; in his Jekyll update, the monster turned out to be Love itself. Just a thought.

Time-space debris

Saying all of the above, my only real problem with this episode was that River and Canton weren’t in it. Yes I know I can’t have them ever week.

Conspiracy theory too far: Do we smell some crafty scheduling? Last week was all about a big televised event that everyone watched together. This week goes out the week before Pirates of the Caribbean 4 gets released. Coincidence?

A lovely moment, paid off at the end, when Avery is just as capable of driving the Tardis as a disgruntled Doctor. “Because a ship is a ship.”

The Doctor wipes alien snot on Amy’s coat. By this point, that doesn’t even surprise her anymore.

Stephen Thompson seems to be Steven Moffat’s new favourite writer. He wrote last year’s Sherlock episode The Blind Banker.

Next Week!

That was all the simple we’re getting for now. Next week is Neil Gaiman’s craftily titled The Doctor’s Wife. All we really know is that Suranne Jones is in it, and it’s something of a fangasm.