CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Properties and vehicles right across the nation’s capital are being surveyed today by the villainous corporate suits who work in the insurance game, following yesterday’s furious ten-minute-long hailstorm.

This climatic anomaly comes after thousands of respiratory problems were reported following a very long month of disgustingly thick bushfire smoke blanketing the city.

Listen to The Betoota Advocate interview with the former next Prime Minister of Australia, Julie Bishop, below:

More than 15,000 insurance claims have already been made across Canberra, a record number from a storm. The weather event has since been labelled a catastrophe by meteorologists and emergency services alike.

In yet another blow for the few people in Canberra that are actually working towards saving our planet, the storm was so fierce that solar panels designed to withstand hailstorms were broken.

However, the unprecedented golf-ball-sized hail stones that fell from the sky over the capital yesterday hasn’t done much to taper the usual skepticism insurance assessors take to each and every claim.

Especially in the case of 39-year-old Freddy Samios, a prominent nuts and legumes retailer from Kingston.

Freddy has arrived at his insurer’s makeshift hail-damage-assessment-yard today with a couple dents that look like they’ve hit the bonnet front on.

“I swear to god, mate” he says to the wildly unqualified reserve-grade insurance auditor.

“These hail stones were flying almost sideways down the street”

The auditor tip toed around the front of the HSV Maloo before conceding that he’d seen similar dings on every other slightly modified Australian-made Holden put in front of him today.

“Mind if I see what’s in the boot” asks the suit.

Freddy responds quite viciously.

“What’s that got to farken do with it??” he asks.

“Nothing… Just wanted to see if you forgot to take your high school cricket bat back inside your garage after beating the front of your car in. It’s happened a few times today”

Freddy again responds quite quickly.

“Actually, you know what, it’s funny you say that because the boot actually won’t open because of the hail stones that basically fucked this entire city yesterday, it fucked my office and my house. And also my car, according to what I just told you…”

“…So you can either take a quote right now and fuck off or I can fucken pay some Raiders juniors to take this thing out the back of Queanbeyan and light it on fucken fire after they wipe it down. Up to you mate, it can be a fifteen grand problem or a one hundred and fifty grand problem. You wanna get fucken clever, how bout I go and find the receipts from the rims and the air suspension. I insured this thing with you mob after I done it up and you were all fine then. Now go the fuck back into your little donger and sign me off. I wan’t a pearlescent spray job at the end of this too. You can throw that it on top of everything for being a fucken smart arse”