The Slate piece is a brilliant amalgam of investigative journalism and fan fiction, two genres that rarely overlap. The interviewer bears down on Gray with a barrage of questions, and Gray in turn uses his journalistic skills and "skyjacking expertise" to prick the balloon of Don Draper’s identity. It turns out the author has never even watched a minute of "Mad Men," but Slate and Gray don’t let such an inconsequential detail impede their mission.

I must say that after I read the piece, I was filled with equal parts admiration and envy: Slate, that most venerable of Internet institutions, had done it again. But something remained amiss. The publication had sold itself short by not following their theory to its natural conclusion. I spent all night—well, ten minutes before bed—thinking things through, and am now confident that I know how "Mad Men" will end.

As season seven begins, something is already stirring in the depth of Don’s soul. It’s only a feeling. Let’s make it clear: this is not reasoning. He isn’t examining a receipt from Walmart he just found in his pocket and thinking, "$5000 for condoms alone?" No, until his forced sabbatical from Sterling Cooper and Partners, Don had come to begrudgingly accept his strange, imaginary identity.



Nevertheless, something has started to change. What will lead him to the eventual realization that he must make a drastic change? The moon landing, of course.

Now we know that the moon landing was faked by Stanley Kubrick, a fact proven beyond the shadow of a doubt by "Room 237," a documentary whose devastating import made Wikileaks look like a wedding announcement in your local paper. Don’s ad firm has already links with the Nixon administration: they practically ran the new president’s campaign against Kennedy back in 1960. So it’s obvious that Nixon will turn to his old cohorts to help him stick one in the eye of the hemp-and-sandals brigade. This is not conjecture. It’s obvious! Just look at the facts: The "moon landing" took place in July 1969. Season seven takes place in 1969! Creedence Clearwater Revival’s "Bad Moon Rising" was released in April 1969. The first episode of season seven, "Time Zones," debuted in April. And what happened the day after the episode aired? Blood Moon! A penumbral eclipse occurred April 2, 1969. Don’t make me spell it out for you, because it’s late.