WASHINGTON—Amid backlash for abandoning an ally that has been crucial in the fight against ISIS, President Donald Trump assured the Kurds Wednesday that there will one day be a very nice tree planted in Washington, D.C. commemorating their deaths. “Our Kurdish allies should rest assured that, despite the fact that U.S. troops will no longer provide them with military support, at some point in the future there will be a very good tree with branches, leaves, and bark memorializing their untimely and very brutal demise,” said Trump, promising that even if there wasn’t a plaque or anything denoting that the tree was intended as a tribute to the slaughter of Kurdish fighters and civilians, visitors would probably leave “flowers or little stuffed bears” to let others know that it was a sad tree. “You have my firm commitment that in 30 or 40 years, any tourist who happens to stumble upon the tree in a small park off K Street might think about how you were massacred for a second or two. And even if we forget which tree is actually the Kurd Tree, trust me when I say that it will be there somewhere.” At press time, Trump had given Turkey latitude to launch air strikes on the Kurd Tree if they felt it necessary for their national interest.

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