Republicans Are Saving Obamacare And No One Can Stop Them.

Ken Kamami, A Satire Presentation.

Charles and David Koch reacting after I remind them Americans keep thinking they live in a democracy. They would later sic their mangy dog, Newt Gingrich at me, but I cleverly distracted him with a Kay Jewelers mistress gift box and anti Obama paraphernalia. [Image Credit: Salon]

Anywhere, MA: — Browsing through news headlines these past few weeks has left me deeply confused and pacing halls aimlessly while tugging at my eyelashes. It appears the ACA or Obamacare as it was so baptized, is getting a boost from some very unlikely ( and dare I add, unsavory) sources — staunch Conservatives and their royal fearless sugar daddies, Charles and David Koch. For those unfamiliar with the pair, they own America’s second largest privately owned business and call 99% of the shots in Washington whenever Republicans are in power. They can also be heard in your dreams asking you why the fuck you decided to be poor and why you love Communism so much.

So today, I decided to take one of these strange headlines to task. I read through the article and it all started to make sense. Apparently, both versions of Trumpcare — House and Senate, do NOT go far enough to eradicate the pesky healthcare coverage for 20 million Americans. All the same, the CBA estimates the number to be 22 million by the year 2026 going by the latest version. I would seriously like to laugh at this, but an out of control flamingo injured my right rib in a botched landing about 25 years ago ashore a serene lake in East Africa called Lake Nakuru. The flamingo is in fact a most beautiful and majestic bird especially after it eats gallons of algae and turns pink; However, it’s a very clumsy creature indeed. Therefore, I find it much more suitable to avoid laughter at all costs.

Whatever its reasons might be, it appears the right is inadvertently buoying Obamacare. Inasmuch, the Cock brothers (not a typo so stop asking), enemies of the state and democracy hijackers are unknowingly doing good by thumbing their noses at what they deem as halfwit efforts to eradicate black legacy from White House records. They have cashed in their chips and decided to go after tax reform instead. In that adventure, they plan to lobby their ELECTED lackeys to put a stop to claiming interest on business loans as a tax deductible. This would greatly snip at the net family income for whoever depends on the credit to make ends meet e.g. mid western Iowan farmers who don’t have any equity to borrow against. They’ll find that voting for Trump very much disagrees with their understanding of GREAT. That ladies and gents, is a story for a different day.

7 Calamities that could be accidentally avoided by borrowing from the GOP playbook.

It would be a sin punishable by non-erotic severe flogging courtesy of the Satire god if I didn’t make a listicle out of this buffoonery. So without much further ado, here’s your seven scenarios:

Many men I’ve spoken to in my wanderlust years have invented ways to avoid lions and generally any member of the cat family that isn’t a house cat. The Maasai are NOT many men.[Image Credit: Youtube]

A young Maasai Moran man declines to go fight an adult male lion armed only with a spear. It turns out to be this particular Kenyan tribe’s traditional rite of passage to adulthood contrary to the conventional American method involving getting a job and moving out of the nest. He cites the fact that EVERYBODY fights the king of the jungle at his age. It’d be more fitting if he was provided a rabid griffin to combat to the death.

Recently divorced, disillusioned and suicidal man atop the Willis Tower has a change of heart in the nick of time fearing he might permanently stain the beautiful sidewalk below.

A Turkish terrorist and avid soccer fan, abandons a suicide bombing mission after his childhood friend texts him that Turkey has against all odds, qualified for the FIFA world cup. They don’t broadcast the games in heaven as doting virgins keep one extremely busy.

Russians stop hacking US computers afraid they might chance upon the many Photoshop gay depictions of Vlad — Patriarch Judo Master and part time journalist killer.

Amazonian Tribesmen refuse to swim in a piranha infested river because it’s haunted; And who wants spirit cooties?

Judas doesn’t betray Christ seeing as he never again has to buy wine as long as there’s water around.

Alien refuses to impregnate stranded astronauts for fear that they harbor inferior genes like Trump opponents.