Let me preface by throwing out a few of my own specs for reference. I am a pretty unremarkable guy physically: a thin 6’1″ and 160 lbs. Just your basic, average white guy floating around, looking for some tail on a Saturday night. I tend to slouch a bit when I stand, a holdover from my teenage years when I shot up too fast and felt like Sloth from the Goonies, so this makes me even more average from a height perspective. Fortunately, starting off with a “six” means that most women don’t exclude me based on stature alone, although my face probably does that for me instead.

Recently, I’ve been going on a slew of dates with women 5’10” and above. Real tall, leggy-type girls. Sitting across from me, sipping their wine and saying how much they love to be spontaneous, I realized that I have a hard preference for short girls. It took me a while to figure out, but I think I’ve been able to get to the heart of the issue.

Despite some of the hottest women on this planet being tall bombshells (read: models), your average girl just isn’t able to pull off that kind of height. Strap them into a pair of heels and some lingerie, they become less a Victoria’s Secret Angel and more of a girl version of your intramural wide receiver. Sure, I’m climbing up Kate Grigorieva given the chance, but that’s not the type of women any of us are going to be pulling.

A short girl can wear whatever she wants without thinking twice. She always looks up into your eyes when asking for a kiss. Getting up on her tip toes to reach your lips makes you feel like a damn lumberjack. Call it society, call it overcompensating, call it masculine insecurity, I don’t really care: I’m not going to be attracted to you if your eyes are above mine. Even someone on the same level isn’t really ideal.

Girls are quick to proclaim they only like tall guys, yet for some reason declaring you want to date a shortie is almost misogynistic in this day and age. The girls I’m going for are the ones who find it sexy when I reach in the top cabinet for an item above them. When kissing their forehead means having to lean down. When my hugs are enveloping, not merely an arm-embrace of two equals. When you can literally, not just figuratively, sweep them off their feet. Not to mention how much better a nice pair of yabos looks on a small frame. Sometimes it’s all about proportions, and a small body will always get that extra advantage.

I shouldn’t have to mention the bedroom benefits. The mobility is unparalleled. The positions almost endless. Instead of being a body to work around, a small girl becomes someone you can pleasure in any number of ways. No more dealing with those gangly legs, or taking an elbow to the face. And if she wants to spoon? Good luck feeling like a man when you have to pretend to be cuddling a human tree trunk.

The tall girls of the world will probably hate this. To that, I would point to the many men who enjoy tall women. Although there exist almost no chicks who are preferential to short dudes, plenty of guys get the hots for some height. Just like those men who get dressed up as toddlers in diapers and binkies, sometimes a guy just wants to feel small. They want to run their hands up your gazelle legs like they’re inspecting a piece of lumber, and that’s perfectly fine. Try finding those guys. That’s just not me.

Now when I go to the bars, I’m going to be picking my targets with a bit more care. If girls can be choosy about height, then so can I. So sorry, tall girls, but you’re just wasting your time. I’ll be sticking with the short stuff from here on out..