SA is always a result of past experience. There is a belief behind every fear. The fear is actually the result of beliefs. Observation and feedback throughout our lives led us to develop the irrational, negative beliefs that constitute SA.



For example, a newborn baby has no fear of fire until he's been conditioned to fear it. The ONLY fear that human beings are born with is a fear of loud noises. Every single other fear is the result of conditioning based on beliefs. Teach a baby that fire is dangerous and he'll believe it (or he'll touch it and see for himself). The same goes for social phobia/social anxiety. The difference is that social phobia is an irrational fear; fear of fire is rational. You could train a baby (or a child or an adult) to fear anything under the right circumstances.



SA is a series of negative beliefs that need to be changed in order for total recovery. Some fears that cause SA: fear of being judged, ridiculed, rejected, devalued, etc. as a result of socializing. That fear is the result of painful memories which have driven into the subconscious and formed the belief that socializing leads to pain, which makes socializing scary.



It's never impossible to overcome SA, but the longer we've lived with it the more "stuck in our ways" we might seem. The longer we live with a belief, the truer it becomes for us, because we have more memories linked to it, supporting it. It might take longer; it all depends on how willing we are to change our beliefs. Medication can mask the symptoms, but as long as those beliefs still exist, SA will find a way rear its ugly head.



With social anxiety, it's EASY to play the victim. It's easy to pity ourselves. It's easy to blame past experiences, genetics, our family, our friends, and so on. It's easy to say that things are hopeless. It's easy to give up.



Not only is all of the above easy to do, but it FEELS GOOD in some sick way. It feels good because it's a DRUG. When we start to pity ourselves, our brain releases chemicals that make us feel depressed, sad, frustrated, etc. We can actually become ADDICTED to those chemicals, those emotions. It's almost no different than physically taking a syringe and shooting a drug into our bloodstream. Either way, our brain responds by releasing chemicals that we've become addicted to. When we pity ourselves, it's the same as the HEROIN addict sticking the needle in his arm.



So we have to ask ourselves, do I TRULY want to change? Or do I want to continue to wallow in my own pity, to FEED my emotional addiction, to be no better than the heroin addict? As long as we continue to play the victim, we WILL NOT CHANGE. It's time to take responsibility for ourselves, for OUR life, because no one else will: not our parents, not our friends, not our spouse, not some idealistic girlfriend, not our therapist. Only WE can decide when we're ready to change. Hopefully the answer is NOW.



It is sick and wrong to be putting ourselves through this self-destructive cycle. It's NOT the only way! You CAN win the fight against anxiety! Self-pity is both the by-product and partially the cause. It's a vicious cycle that you can stop. We can replace those thoughts of self-pity with thoughts of self-improvement. Instead of getting depressed by our lack of progress, we can get excited about the progress that we ARE making.



Become addicted to SELF-IMPROVEMENT, not self-defeat. Be your own BEST FRIEND, not worst enemy. STOP playing the double role of the sadist and the masochist. PUSH yourself, ENCOURAGE yourself, be PATIENT with yourself, LOVE yourself. Next time you stick the emotional needle in your arm, make sure it's an EMPOWERING emotion.



CBT can be a huge help, but in the end, only we can change our own beliefs. We can train ourselves to recognize when we're thinking negatively/irrationally. As soon as we catch ourselves, we can focus on something else: our breathing, a song, a positive thought, anything except that negative thought. We can get better at this and start noticing negative thoughts immediately and cutting them off. The better we get, those negative thoughts will start happening less and less.