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Around The Clock Coverage As Tens Of People March To Protect European Starling Bird Eggs

Washington, DC–MSNBC has announced that they will be providing around the clock coverage of this weekend’s March for Life for European Starling eggs. According to network sources, the right to life and liberty for all creatures, including European Starlings, is “paramount, and the most important issue of our day.” “The European Starling is one of the last remaining creatures in the country whose eggs are not protected under federal laws,” a source with MSNBC told Eye of the Tiber. “As professional journalists we’re called to cover this story as we would any story. As humans we’re called to cover this story to help reverse the unjust decision of Bunfield vs. Mitchell. Also, it’s not like there’s anything else going on this weekend.” The European Starling had its federal protection removed after the landmark decision of Bunfield vs. Mitchell in 1942, when the court voted 9-3, deciding that poachers had the right to take and dispose of European Starling eggs, so long as they had not hatched. “That it’s actually ok to poach a Starling egg before it hatches is horrifying,” spokesman for PETA Rita Kern told reporters. “The fact of the matter is that it dehumanises us. There is literally nothing more important than saving the lives of these vulnerable eggs…and I mean nothing. We applaud those at MSNBC for their efforts.”