In my last blog, I wrote out some self-forgiveness statements in order to clarify the experience I was having with regards to trying to lay out plans to support myself to stop picking my skin. I have become comfortable and familiar with accepting and allowing myself sabotage myself in my life, especially with derma. I sabotage life events and occasions by picking my skin, and I sabotage attempts to try to stop picking my skin. Self-sabotage has become the norm.

When I found a solution for myself in my previous blog, it really struck me how difficult it was to continuously push myself to implement the solution in my life. The solution was to script out a detailed plan for myself for moments where I could see I would be averse to fall into a picking session. The bizarre experience I had was actually feeling resistant and even threatened by this solution. I am saying this as if it were immediately obvious and clear that this is what was going on inside of myself and in my head, but at the time, it was just a sensation. For example, I would think to myself: I should make a plan right now because I’m feeling the urge to pick growing inside of me and I know I’m going to be extremely susceptible to caving in. Then I would immediately feel like I don’t want to make a plan and that I would instead rather to just follow through with submitting to derma once again. When I found a solution for myself in my previous blog, it really struck me how difficult it was to continuously push myself to implement the solution in my life. The solution was to script out a detailed plan for myself for moments where I could see I would be averse to fall into a picking session. The bizarre experience I had was actually feeling resistant and even threatened by this solution. I am saying this as if it were immediately obvious and clear that this is what was going on inside of myself and in my head, but at the time, it was just a sensation. For example, I would think to myself: I should make a plan right now because I’m feeling the urge to pick growing inside of me and I know I’m going to be extremely susceptible to caving in. Then I would immediately feel like I don’t want to make a plan and that I would instead rather to just follow through with submitting to derma once again.

I took it upon myself to investigate exactly what these internal emotional and feeling experiences were that were ‘stopping’ me from simply doing what I had directed myself to do, instead of just going with the sensations and falling again. I used the tool of self-forgiveness in my last blog to expose the internal working of my mind and put it on paper. I copied each one of the self-forgiveness statements into this blog and wrote self-corrective application and self-commitment statements to accompany them as a way to ‘arm’ myself for when this experience happens again.

Knowledge is power, but knowledge and information without practical application is useless. The first step is to understand the reasons behind the feelings, and the next step is to lay out a plan for self for how to walk through this hurdle the next time it comes up. So far, for derma sufferers, derma has been the ‘default mode’ of how to deal with life. I think it would be quite impossible to be able to stop without any back up plan or system of self-support laid out for self as a foundation for a new way of living. The mind doesn’t really work that way, at least not for me in my process. When I ‘leave it up to my mind’ to ‘sort it out’ I always go back to derma. It is as if this is all my mind knows how to do. How can I expect myself to stop and change without my input, my instructions and my directions that I figured out when I was in a clear and effective head space?

When I fall into derma, I am not thinking in an effective way. I am in quite a delusional state, a cloudy and ineffective state-of-mind. Without the support I can give myself from a good headspace, I really have nothing to grab onto and ground myself with, so the following blog is where I give myself just that. When I fall into derma, I am not thinking in an effective way. I am in quite a delusional state, a cloudy and ineffective state-of-mind. Without the support I can give myself from a good headspace, I really have nothing to grab onto and ground myself with, so the following blog is where I give myself just that.

I have done the self-forgiveness on the point of sabotaging myself with regards to presenting myself with a solution. This involves slowing down the experience so that I can really look at and investigate what’s really going on within myself and my mind. And then within taking each statement separately and scripting out what’s called a self-corrective statement, I give myself a ‘plan B’ to grab onto and ground myself with. After that, I write at least one self-commitment where I state in writing what I truly want for myself, intend for myself, and endeavor to create and be for myself.

As follows: