WASHINGTON–minutes after Chelsea Clinton announced that she was pregnant, the House Republican leadership immediately subpoenaed the baby to testify “what it knew, and when it knew it” about the Benghazi attacks, as well as the healthcare.gov debacle and the IRS targeting of conservative groups.

“I’m sure we’ll get the usual Democratic smokescreen of ‘it wasn’t in this meeting’ or ‘it wasn’t born until three years after that happened,'” said Rep. Eric Cantor (R–VA). “We demand some real accountability from this fetus.”

According to Cantor, it is also “highly suspicious” that the pregnancy announcement took place in the same year as the fifth anniversary of the ATF “Operation Fast and Furious” gunwalking scandal.

Several House committees are planning to request the baby to testify “at your earliest available date post-birth.”

In other news, President Obama issued his congratulations to Chelsea Clinton, and announced that he would delegate the decision on the Keystone XL pipeline to the baby. “Regrettably, this may require a delay in the decision until February 2017 at the earliest,” he said in a statement.