Previously on Wynonna Earp, Wynonna got pregnant but the baby’s parentage is in question, and actually Waverly’s too now that you mention it. There was an evil organization of robed dudes called The Order who want to take the Earp heir for “safekeeping” (I’m so sure). The Iron Witch wished Wynonna away but the queers saved the day. Bobo broke the third seal so evil is nigh (and so is the birth of Wynonna’s baby).

Phew.

We pick up where we left off, with Bobo and the Widows traipsing through the field to release the demon they woke. But they’re interrupted by the small yet mighty Waverly, who launches quips and points her shotgun at the evil trio.

Waverly tries to bait Bobo into admitting he’s her father but he doesn’t bite, just…licks. Her gun. Like the creepo he is. He then grabs her gun from her and a shot is fired but it’s okay because it’s Wynonna here to save her baby girl. But the Demon Clootie is awake now and shielding the trio from Peacemaker’s bullets. Bobo throws a hunk of metal at them with his mind powers and the trio gets away.

Waverly crawls over to Wynonna to check on her and the baby and when it’s clear they’re okay, she slumps down next to her sister and apologizes for everything and wonders if maybe blowing her and her girlfriend and her science buddy up to get her back sort of starts to make up for it?

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Wynonna is still mad but she loves her baby sister and now is not the time for “you should have listened to me” squabbles so she pulls Waverly in close. Waverly asks how Bobo could even be back and Wynonna confesses that she kinda sorta died for a minute but she got better and she’s still the goddamn Earp heir. Waverly calls her their only hope.

Now it’s time to check on some of the folks that got dead in the alternate reality to see how they’re faring now, since— based on the exploded hair and them being in the barn still — it seems when reality set back in, everyone was still physically where they left off, like sometimes sleepwalkers act out what they’re doing in their dreams.

And that’s why Dolls wakes up in a body bag. He immediately gets back to work, though, grabbing the plate in the briefcase and heading right for the Homestead, where most of the gang has a lovely little reunion.

They debrief a little and Waverly feels really bad about this whole situation, but Wynonna says they don’t have time for guilt or secrets, not anymore. Just for defeating the Widows, Bobo, and the Demon Clootie. And pee breaks.

Inside, Wynonna shows everybody why she thinks the fancy plate might be the key to defeating Clootie by holding Peacemaker up to it. The symbols on Peacemaker glow bright and then similar symbols start glowing on the plate. They’re connected, and Wynonna knows it’s important. So Wynonna doles out tasks: Jeremy is to figure out where Clootie’s tomb is, Dolls has to find Doc and make sure he’s not dead and also make sure he stays not dead, Nicole is doing a mysterious task for Wynonna that even Waverly doesn’t know about, and Waverly isn’t leaving Wynonna’s side until this baby is born.

Bobo leads the Widows to a mine shaft, where he knows Clootie’s coffin to be. Widow Beth is fucking DELIGHTED about this whole situation, but Widow Mercedes is kind of over it. She watches her sister-wife and her single-minded mission to get her husband back so she can serve him and maybe it’s the brains rotting full out of her skull but Widow Mercedes isn’t feeling the joy.

Beth uncovers the tomb and the first thing her dear husband asks for after his epic nap is a snack — which is totally understandable and I’d totally be on board with it but the snack he wants is Wynonna’s baby so I’m gonna have to go with no on that one. Beth tells Clootie what she’s been squealing for weeks, that she’s ready to serve him. But Widow Mercedes says she wants a separation then separates Clootie’s arm from his body.

And get this: Widow Mercedes was inspired by Wynonna fucking Earp. The woman she’s been trying to best this whole season, she has been impressed with her skills, her wit, and probably her hair; she says Wynonna is ten times the gunslinger Wyatt was and she’s realizing now that the world has changed since they got locked up in that box. She doesn’t have to be the third wife to a tyrant demon sheriff if she doesn’t want to be! And she doesn’t! So she traps Widow Beth and Bobo in the mine with Clootie and takes his ring for herself, and instead of The Widow she’s now single and ready to mingle. And by mingle I mean make enemies of her own. And damn does single look good on her.

If I was writing a thesis on Wynonna Earp — and you know what, maybe someday I will — here is where I would go into the detail of the metaphor of rotting away in a toxic relationship and then finally being free and feeling bright and shiny and new. But this isn’t even one of the Feelings Tangents I want to go on so I’ll have to save that for another day.

Across town, the Iron Witch gets a visit from the Earp sisters, and she is feeling a little sheepish after getting busted with the whole wishing-Wynonna-away thing. She was wrong about them being the reason her sister was dead; she was just hurting is all. Wynonna is mostly over it, she just needs Greta to help them by way of apology. The sisters interrogate Greta about the plate, but all she knows is that Edwin thought it was a shield. Wynonna needs it to be more than that, though.

When Dolls finally finds Doc, he’s standing on the edge of his well, looking in. He looks a little confused and a lot sad; he’s normal, mortal, and he can feel it in his lungs. He looks lost until Dolls says that Bobo is back and Wynonna needs them, which reminds Doc of what’s really important and he hops off his well ledge and goes to help his girl.

At the Iron Witch’s cabin, while she’s off doing her thing, Waverly apologizes to Wynonna again. Wynonna admits that it scared the shit out of her, that Waverly — who was supposed to be the smart one, the good one — screwed up so royally. But she also gets where Waverly was coming from. Waverly didn’t do this TO Wynonna. She did it FOR Nicole.

Seeing her opening, Waverly also chooses now to tell Wynonna that Nicole is married to a “gorgeous lady doctor” but Wynonna doesn’t see the issue; she knows they call her Oblivious Wynonna behind her back but she’s not blind. She’s walked in on enough make-out sessions and seen Haught become a human heart-eyes emoji enough times to know: Nicole loves Waverly.

And now that that’s cleared up there’s one more thing Waverly would like to discuss, since they have this moment alone and not in immediate danger. The DNA results came back and Waverly is not her sister, she’s not an Earp at all. Wynonna has one thing to say about that: “Like hell you’re not.”

You can tell Wynonna (or me) that Waverly is not blood related, that they don’t have two — or hell maybe even on — parent in common, you could tell her that Waverly was formed from clouds and sunshine and rainbows and dropped down from the sky and it wouldn’t matter. She’s Waverly, and she’s her sister.

The Iron Witch comes back in then and Wynonna was right, the plate was made of the same metal that made Peacemaker. So she forged it into a bullet for Wynonna. Bullet. Singular. But Wynonna isn’t worried; she just needs one shot, and she needs it for the Demon Clootie. She also needs to pee. Again.

And I love this so much because a) you never see superheroes or action heroes be like “I need to do this one basic human function before we go into what could be an hours-long battle” but also because it’s a reality of being pregnant. And it’s also hilarious.

As they’re leaving the Iron Witch’s cabin, Wynonna leans over, in more pain, and Waverly realizes it might be almost time to meet her nibling.

Back at Black Badge, Nicole and Jeremy are trying to figure out where the demon’s tomb could be. And I love this scene because look at them! Just two supporting characters, hanging out, together, being helpful and adorable and smart. Just one last scene of the season to remind us that you can put together literally any two of these characters and something new and exciting will happen.

ALSO the dialogue is fucking PERFECTION and encapsulates what is so perfect about this show, on screen and off. Nicole asks Jeremy why he stayed in Purgatory after Black Badge unceremoniously up and vanished, and he says that he stayed because he doesn’t fit in, but no one ever tried to make him. He’s allowed to be his nerdy, goofy, smiley, bubbly, Doc-obsessed self and no one tries to change him. Nicole gets it; she doesn’t talk to her parents anymore, presumably because she’s gay, and moved to this small cowboy-hat-wearing town to work for that dad-est of all sheriffs and yet no one cared that she was in love with Waverly Earp. In fact, most people actively supported it. So she gets it, and she calls him part of the family, and before I can die of found family happiness, Misandrist Mercedes appears.

Officer Haught springs into action, and when Misandrist Mercedes says she’s looking for a weapon, Haught has an idea of what she should do with hers.

But Misandrist Mercedes doesn’t want HER weapon; but she will take these two as bait, because why not.

Waverly is driving the in-labor-or-damn-close-to-it Wynonna back to the homestead (after calling Doc to tell him that Code Rainbow has turned into Code Pot of Gold because these nerds are the best nerds) but they’re interrupted by Misandrist Mercedes, who has a slew of frozen/paralyzed bodies behind her, including Jeremy and Nicole’s.

The sisters get out of the Jeep and face her, eyes steely, not impressed by the new ‘do.

Widow Beth — I guess she’s just Wife Beth now that Clootie is awake — appears then, smudged and disheveled from the mine explosion, but still in the game. She grabs Waverly as Misandrist Mercedes tells Wynonna she wants a weapon and the weapon is Wynonna.

Misandrist Mercedes tells Wynonna to kill Beth so they can work together to defeat Bulshar, which is Demon Clootie’s true name. (Side note, I don’t really understand why the unWidowed Widows call each other Mercedes and Beth…surely they had different names before they stole the Gardiner faces? Maybe they just got used to it while they were faking it. Maybe their real names are like…Girthle and Erdmuthe.)

Anywho, Doc shows up then, just in time, and says that he’s the fastest gunslinger in the west and can surely help. He says that one way to end this would be to kill Wynonna, then no one can use her as a weapon against anyone. Wynonna is afraid he’s still confused, holding onto remnant memories from Doppelgangland, but then he tells Wynonna that when he was dead he saw Wyatt and that he was proud of her, and that they can both go see him, together. Wynonna suddenly seems on board with this plan.

Waverly, meanwhile, HATES this plan. She is squirming and begging them both to stop whatever the hell they think they’re doing. But Doc says they can kill two birds with one stone, and Wynonna tells him to aim high to save the baby, and they didn’t even need to take ten paces…they just shoot.

Wynonna and Doc shoot and Waverly panics but the bullets hit each other just right and Wynonna’s special bullet splits and hits Not Mercedes and Not Beth right in their beautiful foreheads and I guess Mercedes isn’t getting her face back after all.

The spider witches turn into bugs and scurry away, leaving only Bulshar’s ring behind as everyone goes in for hugs of relief.

After Waverly hugs the no-longer-paralyzed Nicole and Jeremy finishes starfish cling hugging Doc, Waverly marches up and slaps Doc right in his mustachioed face and points an angry finger at her sister and tells them to NEVER GIVE US A HEART ATTACK LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN please and thank you.

The fun’s not over though because sure two of the big bads are down, but there are still at least two out there and we’re only halfway through the episode. Because this is Wynonna Earp, where we go big or don’t go at all.

The original birth plan was for Wynonna to be on the homestead so the Revenants wouldn’t be able to interrupt, but they’re out of time now so they opt for Shorty’s instead. Before they go in, Waverly and Nicole share a cute little moment where Nicole says she has to go do the thing for Wynonna, and tells Waverly to be there for her sister and to support her choices. They kiss goodbye, and it’s very sweet.

And there are more scenes to support this later, but I want to take this time to point out how special moments like this are. Because Waverly and Nicole are girlfriends, and they act like it. Not every conversation they have is about their relationship, not every kiss they share is this big dramatic and romantic occasion. Sometimes they’re just kissing goodbye for now because one is going off on a secret mission and the other is about to help her sister give birth. The music doesn’t need to swell every time they touch, because sometimes they’re just holding each other in the background of a scene when two of the big bads turned into a pile of bugs after almost murdering everyone. That’s not to say the big moments aren’t important — they’re very important, and always so beautifully and lovingly done. But the little moments mean so much to me. It’s what proves to me that this show didn’t make Waverly and Nicole queer to tick the little box next to “LGBTQ+” just to say they did it. They don’t just want to have queer representation on their show, they genuinely want to represent us. And every part of us — the falling in love and the kissing and the sexytimes and the “I love you”s, but also the fights and the fears and the secrets and the comforting, even when they’re not the center of the scene. (Also proven by the fact that Jeremy and Rosita are also queer, and who knows who else tbh.)

There are only a handful of TV shows that I have felt like this about, that instead of feeling like I’m getting a last-minute pity invite just because I heard about the party, I feel like I was invited in the first place, and welcomed as part of the family.

It’s a subtle difference, but it’s an important one.

So Waverly goes inside Shorty’s, and Rosita comes upstairs. They’re going to help Wynonna have the baby while Doc and Jeremy go to the tomb to see what’s what. Wynonna apologizes to Rosita, and Rosita seems to forgive her, saying she has her back.

She runs off to make a tincture for Wynonna when she starts shouting for whiskey, leaving the Earp sisters to have another bonding moment, where Waverly tells Wynonna she knows Wynonna has decided to give up the baby. That’s where Nicole has been, helping orchestrate getting the baby out of Purgatory. Waverly is most upset that Wynonna didn’t tell her; but Wynonna wanted to wait as long as possible because she knew it would make Waverly sad. And besides, they don’t even know if Waverly can leave the Ghost River Triangle. Waverly is surprised when Wynonna says this; she had mentioned she wasn’t an Earp, she hadn’t mentioned suspecting she was part Revenant.

Wynonna asks if it’s Bobo, but Waverly honestly doesn’t know. And she doesn’t know what it would mean for her if he was. But Wynonna doesn’t think it means anything; and besides, if she is half Revenant, and the baby is too, they’ll have that in common.

Speaking of Revenants, Rosita comes back just then and smashes Waverly’s head onto the pool table, knocking her out.

SMASHES.

WAVERLY’S HEAD.

ROSITA.

Rosita is fed up and scared and doesn’t care that Wynonna is sorry that she reacted poorly to finding out Rosita was a Revenant. Rosita says the baby could be her key to being truly protected, since she can’t trust Doc to keep her safe anymore. So she promises the baby will survive, but she can’t promise Wynonna will.

Wynonna is mad about it but what can she do? She’s actively giving birth on a pool table. So she just snarks at Rosita, and warns her that when this is over, she will never stop hunting her. Wynonna does have one request, and it’s that Rosita let Waverly go. But Waverly is awake now and she’s not going anywhere…and she has Peacemaker.

Waverly is shaking and Rosita is shaking and she thinks Waverly won’t do it, but she will. Unfortunately the first time she pulls the trigger, nothing happens. Rosita is scared, not committed to this whole being bad thing, just trying to save her own ass, but she tries to reason why this won’t work; Waverly isn’t 27, she’s not the heir, she can’t do this. But Wynonna tells her otherwise: She is Waverly Earp, DNA be damned. And she’s the best of us. And she’s part of Wynonna.

Rosita makes one last attempt to save herself, confessing to Waverly that she really liked her. Maybe in another life they could have been great friends. But Wynonna shouts at Peacemaker to work dammit and so Peacemaker glows blue for Waverly and she pulls the trigger again. Rosita is only nicked on the side of her face — Waverly’s aim is likely better with a shotgun/when she’s not shooting at her friend — but Rosita knows she’s beat, so she runs off.

And I have so many questions. I know Peacemaker has a mind of its own — adorably, after Waverly is done scaring Rosita off and saying she liked the gun, Peacemaker sizzled her a little so she had to drop it and she told it to make up its mind. It was done having guests. But what do the colors mean? When the gun glowed blue to shoot Willa, I thought it had to do with who Willa was. But now that it glowed blue again for Waverly shooting at Rosita, I’m wondering if it has more to do with how the person holding Peacemaker was feeling. Neither Earp girl wanted to shoot their target at the time of the blue glow, and they both cared about the person on the other end of it. But they were also protecting someone at the time; Wynonna only shot Willa to protect her from the tentacle monster and also the whole town, and Waverly was only shooting at Rosita to protect Wynonna and the baby. Is Peacemaker just putting on its finale best?!

Thank Gooverly we have a third season, there’s a lot I still need to know.

Okay I guess we can check in on the boys while Wynonna has her baby (we are blessed with not having to watch an actual labor/delivery scene; Orphan Black was graphic enough to last me a while, thanks).

Dolls was heading off to get Wynonna’s doctor but ran into Ewan and the Order, who killed aforementioned doctor and wants to raise the baby themselves. Ewan is being a real tufted titmouse so Dolls eventually just dragons them all, presumably to death.

Doc and Jeremy find Bobo at the mine shaft, and he says he promised Waverly as Bulshar’s new wife since his last three are now dust. Doc and Jeremy super hate this plan, so they fight, and Bobo threatens Jeremy and his body full of metal from an accident when he was little, but his gun is plastic and knocks him over, giving Doc enough time to get the upper hand and end up impaling Bobo on some spikes.

Okay Wynonna is done giving birth so we can go back to her and her little nugget.

The Revenants are coming and Waverly goes to take the baby but Wynonna starts to cry. She doesn’t want to give the baby up. She planned for who would take the baby where, she planned on how to protect the baby from this cursed life she leads, she never planned to love the baby.

But she does.

And maybe she would have kept the baby, in another life, but it’s another choice the curse took away from her.

She tells the baby they’re the coolest thing she’s ever done and that they are going to have a better life than Wynonna had. She starts to give the baby to Waverly and the baby cries and Wynonna cries and Waverly cries and I cry and everyone’s crying.

Wynonna sends Waverly off, telling her to make sure Doc gets to say goodbye to the baby, and as Waverly leaves to bring the baby to the getaway car Nicole is waiting in, she stops and tells her sister that she was wrong; Wynonna is the best of us.

Melanie Scrofano this season has been a force to be reckoned with. Her comedic timing has always been on point, and she was more active nine months pregnant than I’ve ever been (she gave birth less than a week after shooting her last scene), but the emotional labor (no pun intended) she put into this season is truly astounding. Every angry glare, every loving smile, every broken-down tear shed was acted from her toes to the ends of her perfect hair. Her face can, and does, convey more emotions in one wordless shot than some actors do over their entire career. She’s phenomenal and I know this is a queer website so I talk mostly about my queer feelings about the queer relationships but I just want you to know that I am constantly astounded by Melanie Scrofano and the way she plays Wynonna with such depth and skill.

And Wynonna herself is truly the best of us. She’s a mess sometimes but she owns it. She’ll ask for help when she needs it, she relies on her team. She tries to do what’s right but admits when she fails. She’s funny and she’s tough and she’s stronger even than she knows, but she’s vulnerable and scared and she’ll cry in her sister’s lap when she feels lost. She finds value in what she does and the choices she makes and the feelings she has, not in how other people see her. She is feminism, personified. She’s inspiring, to me and apparently even to evil witches.

I know the show is coming back for another season, I don’t know why I feel like I need to give so many soliloquies, I just love this show a lot, okay?!

Nicole drives Waverly and the baby to the town line, and Nicole is ready to take them back into the Ghost River Triangle if either of them start to burn.

Waverly and the baby walk out, Waverly’s head held high and her steps purposeful and not hesitant at all. Probably Nicole should have gone with her, but also maybe Waverly needed to do this alone. Either way, she takes a few steps and looks down at her nibling and both of them are just fine. Doc is the baby’s father, and Bobo isn’t hers. Though the DNA test did prove she wasn’t an Earp, so one question answered but ten more left unknown.

Waverly doesn’t know what this makes her, but Nicole has a one-word answer for her: Extraordinary.

Which is also how I would describe the two of them together and separately and this show and everyone involved in it. Truly extraordinary.

And then just to prove my point, on the way back to the car, Waverly asks Nicole, with love and jest in her voice, how her divorce is coming along. Nicole laughs and says she’s on it. IT’S FUCKING PERFECT.

Eh hem. Okay so the Revenants make it into Shorty’s but the baby is already safe so she just shoots them all, Dolls appearing by her side like old times.

Jeremy and Doc are still with shish-ke-Bobo when Jeremy tells Doc that WayHaught has his kid and he needs to go to them right now. He gives Doc coordinates and Doc is like, “Wait I didn’t see you get a text or a phone call? Also did you say you were way hot? Do you need my hat for shade?” but Jeremy implies that after his aforementioned accident perhaps he got a little more than just some metal rods, and maybe Black Badge recruited him for his brain in a different way than we originally thought.

Waverly and Nicole are waiting in the field when a helicopter they hope is friendly lands nearby.

And it is friendly, it’s Perry, who is using his obscene wealth to thank Wynonna for saving his life and help her baby get to safety; along with the helicopter, he brought some private security and a wet nurse and his kind smile and I dunno I have a weird soft spot for him. Any chance he’s bi and wants to date Jeremy? Surely Team Wynonna could use a resident rich guy now that Black Badge is gone?

Doc runs up just in time to say goodbye, and Waverly assures him the baby will be safe, because guess who’s going to raise her: GUS GIBSON. And Gus raised our Waverly so this baby is going to be just fine.

Perry takes the baby into the helicopter and Waverly cries while Nicole holds her.

Doc walks away, alone. He takes Bobo from his skewer and puts him in his well, poetic justice to say the least. We learn two things before he seals up the well with a blank of wood: Bobo never said he was Waverly’s father, but he does insist she’s kin. And Doc lied about being in heaven like some kind of backwards Buffy; he was in hell and he remembers every second of it.

Doc finds Wynonna and she is making just the saddest face.

They’re parents now, but they no longer have a child. They’re heartbroken, but Wynonna knows she did the right thing. She says she’s going to break this fucking curse — literally, she said “fucking” out loud on my TV — and change the world for her little girl.

Doc asks if she named the baby, and she has; Alice Michelle, after their mothers. And now, why would she do that, you ask? Alice, sure. But Michelle? Michelle abandoned them. Or…did she?

Wynonna says, “Mama Earp is still waiting.” And my eyes went so wide while a woman in voiceover tells a young Wynonna there are men as mean as rattlesnakes and demons as sweet as clover honey.

Jeremy and Waverly are laughing outside Shorty’s and Dolls brings them coffee. Nicole is in her squad car; she has signed her divorce papers (Shae leaving a post-it saying she’ll always love her…) and she’s now looking at a case file about the Cult of Bulshar. The photos look like something out of Jonestown and it surely can’t be good.

She looks up and makes eye contact with Dolls, who nods at her like they have a secret and it’s probably dangerous so I am STRESSED. I’m hoping it just means they’re going to work together, that Dolls gave her that file as a way to say, “What used to be Black Badge vs Purgatory Sheriff’s Department is now just Team Stop Bulshar,” but it’s yet another thing they’ll have to find out. Especially since Nicole also has Bulshar’s ring now.

Nicole gets out of her car and kisses her smiling girlfriend one more time before the season is through, just for good measure.

Then the voiceover speaks of, “him.” Worse than the bad men or the demons, someone Mama Earp knows is real, and knows will rise. And someday Wynonna will believe. And sure enough, Wynonna believes. So she motorcycles out to a little corner of nature and finds a woman and tells her Bulshar is back and she needs to know what to do next. Then she calls her Mama.

MAMA.

Has Wynonna just known where Mama Earp was all this time?! Have they been talking?! Why hasn’t she told Waverly?! How many other secrets does she have?! Is it time for Season Three yet?!

Unfortunately we’ll have to wait til 2018 for Season Three, but words can’t express how happy I am that we have another season of this wild, wacky, emotional journey to go on together. One of my favorite things about this show is that it keeps surprising me. I know I’ve said this before, but I’ve watched so much TV, that I can usually spot the clues before the reveal, whether it’s because they weren’t very subtle or because there was so little going on it was hard not to notice them. But Wynonna Earp always has me in the moment, learning things along with its characters, making me doubt all my theories, even when some prove to be true eventually. There’s always so much going on that sometimes I forget to wonder about things — like what the odds were supernatural supercorperation Black Badge would have a normal human scientist working for them — even though in retrospect it all makes sense. It’s stunning storytelling, written and portrayed by truly spectacular humans, and it came right when we needed it most; a much-needed source of warmth and light right as the world unleashed a new wave of darkness and cold.

Writing these recaps and reading your comments has been as much a part of the joy of this Wynonna Earp experience as watching it — so thank you for being here right alongside me, always ready to flail and theorize and cry and laugh together.

See you in Season Three!