GRAND BLANC, MI—In updates that reportedly were becoming both increasingly frequent and less interesting with every new addition, local woman Kate Morris was now just typing her 4-year-old child’s every word verbatim throughout the day as Facebook posts, sources said Thursday. “I’m hungry. Can I have a snack?” wrote Morris, who had already spent several hours of her afternoon directly transcribing her child’s every passing thought and nonsensical whim exactly as she uttered them approximately every 8-14 seconds. “Can I have some apple juice now? No, milk! No, apple juice! Noooooooo! Not in that cup! I want my Spider-Man cup. Mommy, look at me now, I’m a ghost! Mommy look! Look Mommy!’” At press time, sources reported that Morris had spent the last half hour posting nothing but “Waaaaaaaaah! Waaaaaaaaah! Waaaaaaaaah!” as she struggled to put her daughter down for her midday nap.

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