War in a white box by Robert Dillon

IT started, as these things are wont to do, with two mates chewing the fat, reminiscing about the good old days.

In particular, we were lamenting the lack of sporting competition in our middle-aged lives.

I’d played a bit of cricket back in the day. My mate was a former Knights junior rep and Newcastle Rugby League first-grader, who came back years later for a crack at lower-grade rugby union.

We’d both had golf handicaps at various times.

But now? Basically nothing, even if we both tried to stay active.

Nine holes of golf once or twice a year doesn’t really count.

For no reason in particular, I tossed up: “What about squash?”

Eyebrows were raised. Heads nodded in agreement.



Within a week we were on the court for the first time in more years than either of us could remember. Soon two players became three, as the lawyer joined the builder and the journo.

Before long, it was our weekly ritual. A sacred time when we could take out all our frustrations on a harmless back ball and push our bodies far beyond the boundaries of common sense.

This was not a case of leisurely exercise, or hit and giggle. From early in the piece, it was quite clear we were all evenly matched, ruthlessly combative and playing for sheep stations.



What we lack in skill and technique, we substitute with do-or-die intensity.

Each week it seems, the stakes are raised. Turn up slightly below par, and you’ll be unmercifully thrashed.



In the back of our minds is the ultimately indignity – the traditional “pants down” loser’s salute for a player who fails to win a game.



This is no place for the faint-hearted.



We have torn virtually every muscle in our ageing bodies, stained the floorboards with our blood, sweat and tears, and fried heart-rate monitors with precarious personal bests.



At some point I christened our weekly “game” the war in a white box. A place where brave men risk life and limb … and become addicted to the adrenaline rush.

All of which brings me to another sporting event of far less importance, the Olympics.

I was vaguely aware that I could not recall war in a white box – sorry, squash – featuring at the Games.



Some quick research confirmed that it has never been an OIympic sport.

This perhaps should have come as no surprise.

I mean, whatever happened to squash?

Back in the 1980s, it seemed there were squash courts in every suburb.

There was the International Sports Centre complex. There were some at Georgetown, Waratah, Broadmeadow, Charlestown … even in Darby Street.

These days, they’re almost an endangered species. Other than Cardiff – our usual venue – Newcastle University and Wallsend, I’m not aware of any others in Newcastle.

Somehow I can’t help reaching the conclusion that squash’s decline since the halcyon days is intertwined with its unfortunate absence on the Olympic stage.

Apparently it is not through want of trying.

WEAPONS: Picture: Tinkataylorphotography

According to World Squash Federation president Narayana Ramachandran, of India, the sport has been waiting patiently for more than a decade for Olympic status.

“Back in 2005 the IOC membership voted us the top ‘new’ sport of the six in contention for the 2012 Games, but we lost out on a voting technicality,” he said.

“Four years later we narrowly lost out to rugby sevens and golf, and a further four years on we were shortlisted as a ‘new’ sport ahead of rock climbing, karate and roller sports, before being sidelined again when the IOC reintroduced its ‘old’ sport, wrestling.’’

That strikes me as the rough end of the pineapple.

And while an enlightening day at the London 2012 BMX track was enough for me to reserve judgement on the merits of rock climbing and skateboarding, I will say this about Olympic sports.



If the Olympics isn’t the absolute pinnacle of a sport – ie golf, tennis and soccer – I don’t see why it should be involved.



Perhaps the final word should go to British politician Christina Rees, a former Welsh squash No.1 who represented her country more than 100 times.

“Many people are surprised to learn that squash is not an Olympic sport; they assume that it has been in the Olympics for many years,” she said. “Sadly, that is not the case.

“Squash is gladiatorial, dynamic, physically demanding and mentally challenging; it is like chess on legs. It teaches players strategy, tactics and how to out-manoeuvre an opponent … why is squash not in the Olympics? It is a complete mystery to me.



“Squash is a genuinely global sport that is played by millions of people all over the world. There have been male and female world champions from every continent.



“Last year, 47 countries hosted professional senior tour events, featuring players from 74 nations.’’

Other, less courageous, sports might assume it’s all too hard and give up the battle.

My advice is never underestimate the warriors of the white box.

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