When 17-year-old Shafilea Ahmed from Warrington was reported missing by her college in 2003, having not turned up for a week, her parents Iftikhar and Farzana denied any knowledge of her whereabouts.

Shafilea had been brought up in a Muslim family in the north of England, but defied her family's traditional culture with her desire to wear western clothes and makeup, to become a solicitor, and to date a man of her choosing. These things, it turned out, would trigger her murder.

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The teenager's body was washed up in the River Kent in the Lake District five months after her disappearance and upon confirmation of her death, Shafilea's parents carried out a TV interview to protest their innocence.

Shafilea Ahmed was only 17 when she was murdered

While on camera, the seemingly distraught couple - who even cried at one point - suggested they had only been accused of their daughter's murder because they were Muslim. They claimed they were being blamed for an honour killing - in which family members abuse or murder a person, often a young woman, for bringing 'shame' onto the household - they didn't commit.

But that wasn't the truth; in reality, Iftikhar and Farzana had murdered their daughter, choking her and shoving a plastic bag down her throat, while her four siblings watched in a horrific, threatening display of brutality. And in a recent episode of Faking It: Tears of a Crime on Investigation Discovery, the Mirror reports that a number of experts explained why they believe the couple's subtle body language revealed to police they were lying.

Farzana Ahmed Rex

As Iftikhar vocally protested the parents' innocence during the interview, his wife Farzana notably sat in silence alongside him, with her arms folded and a blank stare. But experts analysing her behaviour explained how a sideways glance at her husband while he answered the question "did you kill her?" may well indicate that she was actually the "architect" of their lies.

"You get this little sideways glance to her right. She’s looking over to check he is answering correctly maybe," explained Cliff Lansley, a body language analyst who featured on the Faking It programme. "He’s doing all the speaking but silently is she the one who is the architect behind this whole episode.”

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Iftikhar, meanwhile, let his own lies slip with a one tiny gesture. Following the question, "would you kill your own daughter?", he replied "never", while simultaneously nodding. This nod, claimed the body language experts, revealed the truth. You can watch the clip here.

Shafilea’s father, Iftikhar Ahmed Rex

Lansley explained in detail what he noticed at that moment. "He has got his eyes closed, his volume has dropped and we see the head nod yes. Slightly diagonal, but this is up and down," the expert commentated.

Following the word "never", Cliff noted that Iftikhar paused and then added: "I wouldn’t dream of it" - a move which apparently indicated he was unsure whether his lies were being believed.

The police hadn't fallen for the lies, and arrested the couple on suspicion of kidnap after Shafilea's body was discovered. But despite this, it wasn't until 6 years later that Iftikhar and Farzana were actually prosecuted for the brutal murder of their daughter when their daughter Alesha revealed she had witnessed the murder, and testified against her parents in court. They were sent to prison for 25 years in 2012.

But worryingly, tragedies like the murder of Shafilea Ahmed aren't rare occurrences. Honour-based abuse occurs across the UK, and charity Karma Nirvana works to support victims of both this, and women who want to escape forced marriages.

We asked the CEO of the organisation Jasvinder Sanghera CBE - who is a survivor herself - of some of the warning signs that someone you know might be a victim of honour-based abuse.

"It is important to note that when cases are presented and you are dealing with multiple perpetrators (family members who collude) you must apply the rule of ABC," explained Sanghera. "Accept nothing, believe nothing and challenge everything."

These are the warning signs:

1. The victim’s behaviour changes and you note that she does not integrate or take part in activities with friends or her freedom is limited

"No sleep overs, going to town, or just hanging out with mates. It may be that you notice her leading two lives, such as putting make up on in the school toilets, making her appear more westernised and before she goes back home changes back to how she left her family home.

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"Families that operate codes of honour often prevent their daughters from integrating. They will be prevented from engaging with their friends as they understand their families will believe this to be shameful. It can be for basic things like going to town, pictures, doing normal teenage things which they understand to be behaving ‘too westernised’ and therefore shameful. Victims often do these things secretly because they know that if the family find out then they place themselves at risk of physical, emotional abuse or even risk of being forced into a marriage to deal with the shame the family believes she has caused to them or the community."

2. Victims hide their mobile phone and will not engage on social networking or are not allowed a phone

"Many families see owning a mobile phone as a link to the outside world that will encourage integration and increases their independence. If she is allowed a mobile, the family may be monitoring it and turn on the tracker option to ensure they are being monitored when they are not being chaperoned. They will also be careful about social networking as if family members see something that may be deemed as shameful it will place them at grave risk."

3. Having a secret boyfriend or girlfriend and hiding their sexuality from family members

"It is a cause of great shame to have relationships outside of marriage and if found out or the family even perceive this to be the case, the victim will understand how they will be facing great risk of significant harm. It is a fact that in the extreme cases victims have been murdered by family members for having a boyfriend. Many victims will also be in great turmoil about their sexuality if they are a member of the LGBTQ community, which leads them to hiding this from their family who would deem this to be dishonourable and may therefore force them to marry to safeguard the family’s honour."

Shafilea Ahmed Rex

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4. Victims becoming anxious, depressed, displaying low self-esteem, no ambition, withdrawing from education or life and demonstrating self-harming and suicidal tendencies.

"A victim of honour abuse is always extremely isolated as they always face multiple perpetrators. They love their family but are made to feel as if they are going against the family and that it is themselves that are the perpetrators, not the family. Victims who take a stand are often told they are going against their religion, tradition and/or culture which is not true, but families will use this to make them feel shameful and guilty. Many victims internalise this guilt and shame which can lead to greater tendencies of self-harming and suicidal thoughts."

5. Fear about forthcoming school holidays, absence, persistent absence or your friend has disappeared

"Victims understand how families may take them out of school or out of the country to deal with them if they are not conforming to the expected level of behaviour by the family. The family may perceive them to be acting too ‘rebellious’ for just for wanting to embrace their rights, freedom and independence and deal with them by removing them from education, town and/or country. A victim’s may change their attitude to school work e.g. from doing well, to appearing demotivated."

Many victims face the reality of honour abuse and fear of bringing dishonour because they:

Have a boyfriend or are seen talking to a boy and have male friends

Wear western clothes and are not being modest enough as women

Want to go to college or university

Want to integrate and share British values

Are perceived as causing shame which can place them at great risk

Own a mobile, using social networks such as Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat



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Contact Karma Nirvana on their UK helpline number if you have concerns about yourself or anyone else: 0800 5999 247.

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