Attention everyone: Chris Davis has a new mustache.

It is a very, very good mustache. It's thick, covers his entire lip and stands out from his face like someone Sharpied it on. It's so good that MLB Central simply had no choice but to bring out Stache-cast, the highly scientific analysis tool and cousin of MLB's Statcast™.

Do you think those 17 crumbs are from the same meal, or multiple meals over the course of Davis' day? Well, regardless -- that growth efficiency number is no joke. Here's Davis celebrating a home run on Aug. 9:

There's certainly hair there, and the full-face coverage subdues the mustache slightly. But here's Davis, again post-homer, on Aug. 10:

WOWZA. What do you think Davis is prouder of: His three straight games with a dinger, or the fact that he can pull of a mustache like that?