Each and every professional sports team has a brand, an image of itself that it communicates with its fans, the other teams in the league, and even the outside world. The arenas, the jerseys, even the price of a giant piece of bacon on a stick at one of the vendors; all these individual elements go into how the club is perceived by fans and visitors alike. Hockey games, by nature, are tribal experiences. You feel connected to the other fans, the players, the arena, the organization as a whole. You chant in unison, hug people you don’t know, and curse out the fans of the other team without knowing a single thing about them.

But the most unifying feature in hockey, an element unique to the sport, is the beloved goal song. That horn goes off, that song begins to play, and everyone in the arena sings in not-so-perfect harmony. All the great teams, and by extension their brands, are tied to a unique and easily identifiable goal song. The L.A. Kings blare out Randy Newman’s “I Love L.A.” every time they slot one home. “Fans” of the New York Rangers shout along to Bad Apple’s “Slap Shot.” Most notably, the Chicago Blackhawks have managed to become so inextricably linked to The Fratellis’ “Chelsea Dagger” that I had to throw out my Costello Music CD in disgust.

It’s Time For a New Blue Jackets Goal Song

Which brings me to the ultimate topic of this unproductive rant: The goal celebration of the Columbus Blue Jackets. Don’t get me wrong, the perfect transition from AC/DC’s “For Those About to Rock” into the eardrum-shattering cannon fire is perhaps the greatest and most unique post-goal experience in the NHL. But, and I say this with the love of someone whose peak years came between 1999 and 2010, there is perhaps no more insipid, generic, and just plain boring goal song than what follows: “The Whip” by no-hit wonder Locksley. In its own right, the song is neither bad nor good, but rather a compilation of catchy words and “whoa-oh-oh’s” that encapsulates the alternative pop movement at its most trite. Not only is the song uninspired and unoriginal, but Nationwide Arena isn’t even the only place it serves as a goal song. If you find yourself in Denver on one of the few occasions that the Colorado Avalanche score a goal, you’ll be stuck in the musical purgatory once more.

What the Jackets need is something better, something closer to home. In the past few years, the organization has rooted its brand, its very identity, in the city of Columbus and the state of Ohio. The new affiliation with the AHL’s Lake Erie Monsters has served as a symbol of state unity and pride, spawning the catchphrase “Battle Together.” The logo, the team name, and the cannon are all nods to Ohio’s importance to the Union during the Civil War. Every single element of the organization is working together to foster a sense of community throughout the city and state as a whole. It’s time that the goal song reflects it as well.

Ohio just so happens to be flush with musical talent, and who better to bring in than Akron’s own Black Keys? The Arizona Coyotes have “Howlin’ For You” and the Nashville Predators use a snippet of “Gold On The Ceiling.” It seems only logical then, with the precedent set, that the Jackets should use the song “Ohio” in place of “The Whip.” It’s local, it’s bluesy, and it’s got all the infectious woah-oh-oh “singability” of “Chelsea Dagger” or “Let Me Clear My Throat.” Plus, it’ll satiate the innumerable hipsters that comprise the Fifth Line, or at least come a little closer to their flannel-lined sensibilities. By replacing something generic with something genuinely Ohioan, the Jackets organization serves to further endear itself in the hearts of its proud Ohio supporters, and more importantly, has the potential to ruin The Black Keys for thousands of opposing fans.

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