I felt shame for not being able to breastfeed.

It's OK to use formula. Andreea Alexandru/AP Images

The hours immediately after giving birth were difficult and painful. I was given IV meds to "take the edge off" which caused my blood pressure to drop suddenly, and I was in and out of consciousness. By the time I could hold my son again, he was wailing uncontrollably and wouldn't latch. I couldn't sit up in the ways the hospital lactation consultant recommended, and the trauma of the entire day finally got to me. My husband, who was visibly shaken by the whole ordeal suggested that maybe we should ask the nurse for a bottle of formula, and I gratefully agreed.

By his next feeding, I was feeling a little better and tried nursing, but my son wasn't having anything to do with my breasts. I decided that I would keep trying, and pump in between feedings. For weeks, I pumped round-the-clock, but never got more than eight total of breast milk ounces per 24 hours. I was sad, frustrated, and felt so much shame that my body wasn't able to provide the one thing my son needed to thrive. Finally, after yet another fruitless pumping session, I decided that I would use the time I'd been spending crying while attached to a breast pump to bond with my son and get to feeling like myself again.

My baby needed a happy and mentally present mom, and if that meant that infant formula would nourish him in the ways my body couldn't, I would be OK with that.