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9. The Gassy Girl by Paul B.

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(Note that this story has been shortened to the gist of the action, in which our author is on a date with a girl he met online.)Now that dinner was out of the way, she suggested a movie and on to the massages. I gave her one first and almost put her to sleep. She actually nodded off for 10 minutes and then said it was my turn. So, finally, she started in on me, rubbing places I didn’t expect at all and started turning me on. I really was shocked and couldn't believe she was letting her hands roam all over me. So I turned around and started kissing her, trying to take things to the next level.She was practically undressed, with her pants at her ankles and her shirt pulled up. Then she stops me and says, “I have a tampon in, and I need to take it out.” I told her I’d wait. She runs up stairs and takes what seems to be forever. I take the time to make myself more comfortable and strip to only boxers to see her come back down fully dressed and looking surprised.She then tells me, "We can’t do this. God is watching us and isn’t happy." She sits next to me on the couch, and as we talk, I reach over to just pat on her leg and tell her I understand, even though I had no idea what to think. But as I pat her, I felt something in her jeans. It was a multi-pack of condoms, of all things. I asked what she meant by all of this talk if she brought condoms down. She told me she wanted to be prepared. So we just picked up where we left off.Things seemed to be going the way they finally should be at this point. Until she climbed on top and let loose the loudest/smelliest fart. It was so strong I could feel the wind all over me. I had to cover my face to keep from gagging on the smell, and then to top it off, the condom goes dry.I was all red from her period, which she had told me was gone. At this point, I couldn’t continue anymore, so I stopped to get into the shower. She apologized till she was blue in the face, and I calmed down after the cold shower, then began to get dressed again. I settled back down on the couch and told myself it was time for me to leave.But she then proceeded to sit on my lap again and cuddle up a bit. Feeling playful, I started tickling her, and then she farts again all over me (but at least there is clothes between us now).I couldn’t do anything except shake my head. Embarrassed, she kept asking me to fart on her so she wouldn’t feel as bad. So now she is following me around, begging me to fart on her, I couldn’t take it anymore so I had to leave. I left the house and didn’t say anything else to her that night.I wake up to a text the next morning, saying, "I don’t think we can see each other again because God didn’t like what we did last night, and it was too hard for me to pray. I can’t live in sin either."I told her she was crazy and that is she was serious about God, she might need to start by cleaning her porn shop drawer next to her bed full of sex toys, lube and condoms. SMH.