A surprising loss during the team challenge has someone feeling a little shell-fish, meanwhile one chef's plan to start his quest for domination has him scouting the market for allies and another's obnoxious personality and high standards is humbled when they put on a performance so bad Ramsay does something he's never done before. (Who's going to screw up bad during the next service?)

Chapter Text

DISCLAIMER: The information given to us by the contestants has been researched and looked up by the author himself, to protect the privacy of said contestants.

As a follow-up, please note that not everything I write may be true, this is a fictional story about real people and thus i’m bound to get some things wrong: If you feel I missed something about a certain contestant or that I wrote something about someone that was not true, please PM me on Reddit or a website where I can contact you and we can discuss a remedy for it.

Chapter 3: Act I: Lord of the Shrimps

A fine past-time for us spirits is the glorious and sometimes enviable moment that the haughty and arrogant chef who thinks he knows it all, or the egotist who condescends to you as if he or she has worked in the business for over twenty years or perhaps even the volatile and hot-footed cook who always wants to start a fight gets set down quite a few legs. That is because nine times out of ten, they will not be able to back up the talk with action.

But we have gotten ahead of ourselves: So let us push back say, four or so chapters from the brink and resume from where we left you. If you remember from last we met, Lacey had been shown the front door; her poor attitude once again being the victim. A very disappointing sight to see, but an inevitable one seeing her extreme lack of fightback.

What was not inevitable was the question everyone had been wondering, who was next? Alas, that question would have to be answered for another day; lest we reach the Final 4 by episode 6 or so. Thus, the remaining nineteen returned to the dorms where they would lick their wounds and recoup for the blissful night, hoping for a better tomorrow…

At least, that’s what it would’ve been if Johnny hadn’t broke the ice. “Alright...you wouldn’t mind if I?” Johnny turned to Sara. “Sure.” Sara nodded, giving Johnny permission to sit down. The next thing we knew, all of the red team (excluding Jen for wanting beauty sleep and Lacey for...well, obvious reasons) were together once again for a special team meeting. But why the sudden last minute of the day you wonder?

Confessional master, would you care give us an explanation?

(Confessional: On it!)

Johnny: Last time I was here, I didn’t get along with a lot of people here…

Yes, Hell’s Kitchen audiences delightfully remember how you bullied Jessica out of the competition and how you tried to do the same to Kimberly. There is a reason you are on the red team and not your precious blue team.

“So...it’s been one day now, and i’ve been thinking...” Oh Ramsay...Johnny can do that? Since when and how is that possible?

Johnny: So, this time; i’m gonna try and be a little more compassionate towards others, sort of try and use empathy instead of aggression.

(CONF END)

Well, let’s listen in on his idea...not like anything else he’s pitched has been any better.

“Now that we’ve worked a service together, I’m kind of thinking maybe now would be the perfect time to get to know each other a little better; y’know, who we are, why we’re here and what we’ve done since our season, something like that?”

...Huh. That’s actually pretty reasonable. Ah, it’ll probably fall apart quick, you know how villains get. Let’s keep listening, see what happens.

“So uh, if anyone wants to start…”

“I’ll go first.” The first voice rang out, and of all the people to start things off, it was Sabrina who answered the call. “So...I’m Sabrina, I was on the eighth season, pretty sure Russell can relate.” Russell stood near the wall, arms crossed. He nodded, no emotion in his face. “Once of the things you can probably expect from me is a bit of heart, a bit of passion, and a whole lotta fire.” Sabrina radiated the confidence of someone who was a world class michelin star chef (which even if she was, she wouldn’t be as good as the great master Ramsay). “Key warning? I’ve been known to be pretty fly for someone my kind.” She smirked, left hand on her hip.

Johnny just sat there with a dopey looking expression on his face, “Ok...i’ll keep note of that.” Johnny finally garnered a voice. We can only assume the testosterone got to his brain and wanted to take control, but anyway you looked at it; it was clear that it turned him on.

We can only assume he isn’t married, at least; let’s hope he isn’t: We wouldn’t want to have another debacle akin to Andrew and Heather am I right?

Amazingly enough, this went on without any major distraction or interruption. You’d assume that with a group full of dysfunctional, egotistical shmucks that they’d devolve into arguing. But no, this went on rather civilly. Not only that, the nine villains turned dorm - mates actually learned a little something about each other.

“My name is Sara, and at one point in my life I was catering for Justin Beiber.” That impressed quite a few. “Yaass girl!” Sabrina squealed. “Now that’s a step up in the world…” Anton nodded.

(Confessional: Sabrina’s like that)

Sabrina: (jealous) Lucky...I want to cater for a pop star! Maybe like P Diddy or someone like that.

(END CONF)

“So, me being a former runner up, I should tell you right now that once your in the driver's seat: You gotta go.” Bryant gave out some good advice. “I can attest to that.” Russel nodded, smiling for the first time all season. Whether you liked it or not, Russell and Bryant had quite the influence over the rest of the team because of their stature.

“Well at the same time, I wouldn’t recommend using tough love to get the best out of your brigade...just saying!” Anton said, much to the amusement of the his fellow teammates. Russell didn’t exactly take fond of that, but he decided to -at least, just this one- to let it slide and play along.

(Confessional: Now what did he really think about that?)

Russell: Anton has no right telling me what to do. I’m 2nd place, he’s 8th. I’m not trying to classist or anything but…I think that makes me better than you.

(Oh shut up, END CONF)

“So my culinary instructor, Pat? He was on the show.” Jackie said. “Oh, you mean my season?” Johnny asked, the familiar name ringing through his ears. “Yep. That’s the one.”

(Confessional: Ah memories…)

Jackie: Pat’s basically the super cool father I wish I had. Lots of fun to be around, knows lots of good shit, even works in a band on occasion. He’s basically my master and I am his aspiring worshipper.

And yet he couldn’t cook a risotto to save his life during the first service of his season.

(END CONF)

Eventually, the number of people we (and by we, the spirits meant they) learned more about quickly dwindled until at last, only one remained.

“Alright, so that leaves...Suzanne.”

Suzanne looked around at the table, surprised that her name had been called on. She had remained relatively silent up to this point, preferring rather to listen than discuss, so you can tell that when her name was next to introduce herself to them: There was only one thing to say.

“Me?”

“Yep, it’s all you.” Johnny motioned her to say...well, whatever she wanted to say really.

(Confessional: And all she wanted to say, was all she wanted to say)

Suzanne: I’m thinking to myself, what can I tell them about about myself outside of the obvious...so I decide, you know what? F--k it, I might as well just talk about everything.

(END CONF)

“So, I grew up sort of in a really big household, ten brothers basically. I was the eleventh.”

“So you were basically the princess then?” Imagine if you will a Jackie cameo in a long monologue.

“Yes, I was the lone girl in a room full of boys. And they loved me very much.” Suzanne smiled. And that was only the beginning of the long diatribe that was ahead. Now of course, with Hell’s Kitchen being only an hour long adventure: We can only show you portions of her speech. And for the sake of you, and perhaps your sanity, us spirits of Hell’s Kitchen will provide you with the moments we were able to most pick-up. The cliff-notes if you will.

“I guess i’d say I was into cooking from like a really early age, I don’t know the exact one: But i’ll take a guess and say around five or six was when it really started…”

“The very first time I made a full meal all by myself...was probably the proudest moment up to that point of my life, wasn’t perfect: But, it was a sign of great things to come.”

“I’d like to say I was a pretty popular person in high school, usually got good grades; made lots of friends, and I learned a lot about the person I could be someday…”

“There was a time that I wanted to be a TV chef, go up in front of the cameras; walk down the red carpet, all that glamorous stuff...obviously, Hell’s Kitchen made me realize that maybe that wasn’t the best route for my career…”

In case you didn’t guess. Suzanne, was a chatterbox. And it did not go unnoticed from her fellow brethren.

(CONF: Cars? You think we’re the price is right?!)

Bryant: Suzanne, I didn't come here to be told about your first dish, your first job, I don't even want to hear about the first time you fucked your car up; I just want to know where you are and what you're made of.

In short, Bryant was no fan of what he was listening to…

Jen: And hearing Suzanne go through all those trials and tribulations...man, I gained a lot of respect for her. She a cool person

But Jen was a little more willing to forgive...What about Sabrina?

Sabrina: Huh..wha? I-i’m sorry, I dozed off there for a moment. Bitch was about as interesting to listen as it is to watching fuckin’ ants walk!

Sabrina had tried desperately not to prove this being the cure of insomnia, but was failing quite handedly in her quest. But even so, nothing would compare to what Johnny had to say.

Johnny: And she went on (S: “Obviously, I was not fit for being a musician so...that dream died quickly”), and on (S: “Then there was that one time I was on the local newspaper with the rest of my family. For awhile, I felt like a real celebrity; sort of like Emma Stone or Leonardo Dicaprio or someone like that…”, and on; basically giving us her life story, and the way she went about it was just, so, BORING. For example: Did you know that she lived in Las Vegas at one point? Yeah, Las Vegas; that state’s the envy of America, everyone and their grandmother have wanted to go there and yet, she makes it seems like it's another average Tuesday. Anyone else, they would have had made it a badge (raising his voice with every word) that you could hold up in the SKY... (quieter) but her? It's Tuesday. (shakes his head, down to a whisper) Fuckin' tuesday.

(END CONF...Jesus...)

By the end, pretty much everyone had either stopped listening, tried desperately to keep from dozing off or were somehow still listening with full intent (like say Russell, or Jackie, or Jen of all people). And then...at last, the words that finally spelt the dawning of light at the end of a cloudy and dreary tunnel.

“So uh...yeah, that’s me in a nutshell” The others could only look at her in silence, not willing to believe that somehow could have THAT much to say about their own life. There was really only one thing anyone could’ve added to the entire ordeal, and as he had started it,it was now his duty to end it right there. And he did by uttering put an amazed “...Wow”. And like that, all was peaceful.

...

…

…

“Oh shit, I forgot to tell you about the time I-” Oh Ramsay, she was starting up again; at least, for a moment it seemed that way until cries of desperation rang out singing the same chorus line. “No!” In short: No one wanted to hear anymore than what they knew. Johnny put it in gentler terms for Suzanne. “I think that’s good for tonight…”

“Alright…” Suzanne rolled her eyes, reining disappointment that they would hear about this escapade she had that literally no one in the world except herself, the powers beside the great master and our audience which is forever dwindling because of the Internet and FOR FUCK’S SAKE WHY ARE WE-

(Intro Sequence)

Wash away the horror, wash away the horror...Oh Ramsay, why must us loyal spirits suffer for our art?

TBC.