A reader emailed me one time and said they wanted to donate a Bitcoin to me. At the time they were worth around $160 of non-pretend (but, honestly, ACTUALLY pretend) US currency. I replied back stating that I was not a robot, and did not have a data port installed for cryptocurrency upload, nor did I understand how to convert a gifted Bitcoin into, say, an Amazon gift card or something besides an abstract digital concept. That reader never replied. Now Bitcoins are worth several times what they were back then, but still no one has figured out how to spend them.

As far as I understand, Bitcoins are like if you could spend your Twitter followers. Which means Dogecoins are like if your job payed you in upvotes. Actually Dogecoins, a silly joke currency for digital laughs and dogeital ha ha’s, are now apparently real money, so I guess we just aren’t taking the concept of currency seriously anymore as a species. Whatever man. Do what you want, I guess. “Live and let spiral helplessly into gullible digital financial ruin,” is what I always say.

COMMENTERS: I suppose everything you see on the Internet is currency now. Please make up your own Internet trope or meme-based monies in the comments. Also, please let me know if you’ve ever successfully earned, kept and spent a Bitcoin. HOW DO YOU EVEN DO IT?

Patrons got to read this comic (in a half finished state) a day early.