Funny Sex Stories: Apparently, You Want To Fuck A Spaghetti Squash

Dear Perverts, let’s just peel it back for a second: funny sex stories involving outrageous ways to masturbate are among my favorite. Sex is not always serious. Sometimes it’s just hilarious.

“Spaghetti Squash Sex” was on a list of popular sex searches yesterday and when I saw it, a single tear rolled down my cheek. When I put the tissue to my face, I realized my eyes were, in fact, bleeding. Wait. A. Second… what?

Before you think I’m just being judgmental, I have my own funny sex stories about squash, I guess. I have fucked squash. Slip a rubber on a zucchini and you have a delightful dildo in an emergency. There is a bit of a double standard here. I can fuck squash and it’s hot, but if you do, it’s just hilarious. But the thought of your pervs preparing a spaghetti squash and then fucking it is really driving me insane right now. When you have such high-quality alternatives to pussy to begin with, not to mention the best phone sex just a dial away…It doesn’t seem like fucking a spaghetti squash is exactly chasing the dragon. I wonder where spaghetti squash lies on the continuum of excellence regarding jerk-off toys for men. I’m hoping it fits snugly next to prehistoric pocket pussy.

If you are a guy who loves funny sex stories and being laughed at, this is the perfect Skype call for us.

Fellow evil redhead Alyson has written a blog with instructions on how to prepare your sexy spaghetti squash girlfriend. I will watch you fuck your food girlfriend and heckle and taunt the living shit out of you until you shoot your load deep inside her. You know I love taunting your pathetic hard on while you’re doing stupid things for me. Let’s write some real-life funny sex stories together…The time you fucked a spaghetti squash for your goddess on Skype. In fact, let’s find another girl to join in on the fun! You want to make your mistresses happy every once in a while, don’t you?

I think this calls for another special. Until 11/30/2017, email me and tell me what idiotic thing you want to fuck for me on cam and I’ll send you a code for free minutes on a 15+ minute humiliation session solo or with me and a girlfriend!