1. I don't know about you guys, but I'm ~in the mood~ for some liberty and democracy right now.

2. Like, I've got a MAJOR freedom boner right now.

3. Haha, that could be a BuzzFeed quiz. "How Much Of A Freedom Boner Do You Have Right Now?"

4. I would get "Your freedom boner is as hard as George Washington's wooden teeth."

5. We've had enough of those tea-drinking, royalty-worshipping, overcooked meat-loving red coats. GO BACK TO YOUR DAMN ISLAND, AND NEVER COME BACK.

6. Like, they can't even drive their carriages on the right side of the road. WHAT IS WITH THAT???

7. AND I'LL CALL IT SOCCER AND NOT FOOTBALL AND I'LL FEEL DAMN GOOD ABOUT IT.

8. Although we *will* miss their accents. They are kind of cute.

9. Alright, time to actually sign it. YOLO, am I right?

10. WOW this Declaration is long. I wonder how long it took Tommy Jeff to write it?

11. Like, there are a lot of words here. Ain't nobody got time to read this.

12. :: skims document ::

13. Is that a typo???

14. WE CAN'T HAVE ANY TYPOS IN THE FREAKIN' DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE.

15. Wait, just kidding. That IS the correct use of the word "their."

16. I hate when people screw up "they're," "their," and "there."

17. Hmmm, "all men are created equal." That has a nice ring to it.

18. And I can't see that giving us any problems down the road.

19. I wonder who is covering this? Like, this has to be on the front page of the New York Times tomorrow, right?

20. Heck, I don't even care if those nimrods from Fox News are here. I WANT TO BE ON TV, BABY!!!

21. God it is like an OVEN in here. How has Benjamin Franklin not invented air conditioning yet?

22. The rapscallion should spend less time flying kites out in a thunderstorm and more time inventing a good, solid air conditioner.

23. Also, WHY did we decide to meet in Philadelphia? They don't even have Shake Shack here!

24. At least they have cheesesteaks here. God, I could really go for a cheesesteak right now.

25. I wonder if Pat's delivers on GrubHub.