September 10th, 2010, In Blog, Entertainment, Martial Arts Movies, by Tom

We have done it folks, for you. We have turned over the proverbial rocks and dug up the most outrageous fight scenes from a variety of movies. Some of these scenes are funny, others are badass, and some are just plain bad. One thing is for certain though: they are all outrageous. (Three disclaimers: these are not ranked on “good” or “bad”, they are ranked by sheer level of craziness. Also, I made no attempt to translate as it is just so much better if you don’t understand. Finally, some of these can get a little long, so in the long ones I will point you to the most awesome times. If I do not give a time, assume it is all awesome)

???

While I have no idea what this is called or what it says I am guessing that “fragment filmu” means short film. So why is this on the list? Well, aside from the outrageous outfits there are a few things I would like to point out. For starters, I like the hilarity of it all. No rhyme or reason just fighting. The whole thing is hilarious but you never really know why you are laughing. And, to top it off, at 0:59 there is one of the best “I’m a complete lunatic” laughs I have ever seen.

Who Am I?



Of course Jackie Chan was going to be in this list. While this whole scene is awesome there is are a few parts specifically that I would like to draw your attention to. At 1:50 Mr. Chan grabs his opponent by the tie and starts to pummel him, showing us all why to not wear business attire to a fight. However, my personal favorite part is at 3:45 when Jackie and his new opponent launch into a series of shin high-fives. Yowch. Finally, I found the German version (this just makes it way more awesome).

Romeo Must Die

Next up, Jet Li in Romeo Must Die. This is the final fight scene in a burning building. While this entire scene is fantastic, where it gets truly awesome is at 4:20 (har har). At this point Jet Li delivers a spine-crushing (literally) kick, the whole thing is shown in beautiful X-Ray vision. Apparently they had Superman filming the whole time.

The Matrix: Reloaded

Say what you want about The Matrix: Reloaded, two things cannot be denied. 1. This fight scene is pretty crazy. 2. Agent Smith is a badass. In case you are not in to totally amazing monologues, the fighting starts at exactly 3:00. If you do like listening to Smith talk, head to 4:28 for a hilarious little treat. I acknowledge that much if this fight is completely done with CGI and I still think it is totally crazy.

??? 2

This little fight scene is one of my favorites. The whole thing makes no sense at all. I would give a time but the beginning is an exercise in comic perfection. I will, however, direct you to 0:42 where a very tiny man Tarzans into some attacker. I can’t get over how he sounds like Yoshi from Super Mario. Then there are the double (triple, quadruple) takes, the facial expressions, and the nonsense martial arts moves. I could go on but, in the interest of brevity, I will continue the list.

Undefeatable

This has got to be up among the worst fight scenes ever. But, like I said earlier, this is ranked on outrageousness, not quality. So why is this at number five? Well, for starters, the bad guy’s name is Sting-ray, it was made in the 80’s (clearly), and they finish him by impaling his eye on some kind of hook. They have a serious problem with grunting and one character has a bad knife fetish. Tell me that doesn’t make for a stupidly bad-yet-awesome scene.

Kung Fu Hustle

Unrealistic, cheesy, and totally awesome, this scene from Kung Fu Hustle is the paramount in flying henchmen. Next to the “Toe Crusher”, the Toad Technique is the most outrageous part of this video. Those take place at 0:59 and 4:00 respectively. Take a look and revel in the goofiness.

Versus

Well aside from the obvious (the hair styles, the eye color, the swords, the fact that one of the fighters is half covered in blood before the fight even starts) there is a lot that makes this scene outrageous. The fact that the whole scene is sped up during fights just makes it more awesome. A little aside, at 2:33 you will find some hilarious tongue antics.

Oldboy

Being a bit of a cinema nerd, I would like to point out that this whole scene was taken in one shot with no CGI (except for a little to accentuate the main character getting stabbed). About him being stabbed, it happens at 1:11 and is pretty brutal. But this seems to be his spinach as it just empowers him to kick the tar out of every one of those hooligans. Outrageous.

Tom Yum Goong

Here we have another example of how getting stabbed actually makes you stronger. Also, holy crap, how many bones must he have broken? I don’t think I need to say much more, this one kinda speaks for itself.