An old colleague and I were having breakfast this morning when he looked up at the news (I can’t remember which network …MSNBC, I think) and noticed a split screen of Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. He lamented long about how terrible both candidates are in this election and I guess we just have to choose the lesser of the two evils or, as he put it, “…put on a blindfold and just pick. It doesn’t really make any difference.”

And that’s when I went off.

I am really sick and tired of people saying both candidates are equally horrible choices, how much America thoroughly hates both of them to the core, that there’s not a single positive trait in either one of them and wow, if only we had voted for that guy behind the deli counter or the neighbor’s cat, America would be WAY better off.

Fuck you. Fuck the deli guy and fuck your neighbor’s cat.

There are only 2 candidates who stand any mathematical chance of prevailing in this year’s election and one of them is, in fact, eminently qualified to become the 45th President of the United States, perhaps more so than any of the other 44 previous office holders. She (that’s right…SHE) has been dedicated to public service in one capacity or another since 1971. Her accomplishments are tremendous. To name a few (edited from the list once provided by Daily Kos for space):

First ever student commencement speaker at Wellesley College.

Distinguished graduate of Yale Law School.

Editorial board of the Yale Review of Law and Social Action.

Co-founded Arkansas Advocates for Children and Families.

Former civil litigation attorney.

Staff attorney for Children’s Defense Fund.

Faculty member in the School of Law at the University of Arkansas, Fayetteville.

Former Director of the Arkansas Legal Aid Clinic.

First female chair of the Legal Services Corporation.

First female partner at Rose Law Firm, the oldest and one of the largest law firms in Arkansas.

Twice named by The National Law Journal as one of the 100 Most Influential Lawyers in America.

Former First Lady of Arkansas.

Arkansas Woman of the Year in 1983.

Chair of the American Bar Association’s Commission on Women in the Profession.

Created Arkansas’s Home Instruction Program for Preschool Youth.

Instrumental in passage of the State Children’s Health Insurance Program.

First Lady of the United States.

Promoted nationwide immunization against childhood illnesses.

Successfully sought to increase research funding for prostate cancer and childhood asthma at the National Institutes of Health.

Worked to investigate reports of an illness that affected veterans of the Gulf War (now recognized as Gulf War Syndrome).

Helped create the Office on Violence Against Women at the Department of Justice.

Initiated and shepherded the Adoption and Safe Families Act.

First FLOTUS in US History to hold a postgraduate degree.

Helped create Vital Voices, an international initiative to promote the participation of women in the political processes of their countries.

Two-term New York Senator and the first ex-FLOTUS in US History to be elected to the United States Senate.

Served on five Senate committees: Budget (2001–2002), Armed Services (2003–2009), Environment and Public Works (2001–2009), Health, Education, Labor and Pensions (2001–2009) and the Special Committee on Aging.

Member of the Commission on Security and Cooperation in Europe.

Leading role in investigating the health issues faced by 9/11 first responders.

Worked with Sen. Chuck Schumer of New York on securing $21.4 billion in funding for the World Trade Center redevelopment.

Former United States Secretary of State.

Brokered a ceasefire deal between Israel and Hamas in 2012.

Go ahead and try to show what the other candidate has done in the public interest during his whole worthless life.

Go on.

Try.

You can’t and why?

The other candidate who is supposedly “equally bad” is a real estate developer and television personality who was born into a family whose wealth has been estimated to exceed $300 million and makes racism, sexism, misogyny, nihilism and ultra-nationalism the pillars of his candidacy. So far he has called for:

Building a wall across the southern border that Mexico is supposedly going to pay for.

The deportation, by force if necessary, of 11 million undocumented immigrants (and stop saying “illegal”, you jackass).

Banning and deporting all members of a religious faith that total over 1 billion adherents worldwide, even if they are American citizens, because “everybody knows” they’re just a bunch of murdering terrorists.

Lists among his associates known white supremacists and eugenicists.

Speaks admiringly of ruthless foreign despots and encourages espionage against the United States by hostile governments.

Ruminates about not defending our NATO allies against Russian invasion.

States openly and freely that using nuclear weapons should always be an option simply to make him more “unpredictable”. That’s not a strategy. That’s insanity.

Did I mention his blithe refusal to offer concrete policy proposals on how any of this neo-Nazi wish list could possibly be achieved? And all the while still finding the time to be rude, nasty, loud, mean, cruel, hateful and boorish.

And it’s still August.

But they’re supposedly “equally awful” and “everybody hates them both”. Yes, you can’t vote for Hillary Clinton over Donald Trump because, you know…emails. And Benghazi. And Foundations. And Wall Street. And secret assassinations. And pantsuits. And, and, and.

OK, listen up. Nobody cares about emails that show Bono wanted State Department assistance to stream his music from the International Space Station. You should thank Almighty God and Jedi Jebus he failed. So far all we have seen is a public official in extraordinary circumstances who should have known better demonstrate “extreme carelessness” to which I believe she has owned up to sufficiently and which, by the way, no wrongdoing was ever uncovered even after a year-long investigation by the FBI for the love of God. We all know that trustworthiness is important in a President. But if absolutely no slack is given at all, and I mean none, if this is how we treat people who make public service their life and profession, then you will always get “crooks” as politicians because who in their right mind would want the job? It’s like being a firefighter. When there’s a fire everybody runs out. You run in. It’s a maniac’s job but it has to be done so let’s have the best do it and not get wrapped up in what amounts to paperwork. That’s all this really is. Paperwork. You would rather stay at home or vote for someone George Orwell or Edgar Allan Poe couldn’t have dreamed up over emails? Then you’re even dumber than you look.

Furthermore, I want to know why everyone has their knickers in a twist over the tragic deaths of 4 State Department personnel in Benghazi in 2012 when nobody raised a peep about, count ‘em, 241 armed and ready US servicemen who were blown to bits by a suicide bomber in Beirut in 1983? Well? WHY NOT? We all know why but I won’t denigrate the deaths of brave people serving their country in the diplomatic corps and the military while performing what is often a filthy and difficult job. But other people love to bring it up as often as possible as a political weapon. They want you to believe she is some kind of cold and diabolical monster without any concern for the lives of people who often must work in really dangerous places in the name of peace and diplomacy. That is also a load of steaming horseshit and if you spread it around then you ought to be ashamed to show your face in public. So please stop. Now.

I know, I know. Damn it all! Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just forget all of that pesky accomplishment stuff of hers and remember that what really matters is the thrill of waiting for indictments which makes for great television? That way we could finally “lock her up” and enough with these stupid women who think they can run a country. Well, enough out of YOU, you moron. This isn’t the lesser of two evils. This is a choice between one great and qualified candidate for the nation’s highest office who you really should be excited about and a dolt with a bad toupee who if you were honest with yourself you wouldn’t trust to manage a Dairy Queen much less the Oval Office.

And by the way, don’t give me any of your crap about Bernie, Martin, Ted, John, Marco, Jeb, Chris, Rand, Carly, Ben, Lindsey or any of the others because they aren’t running anymore. And I certainly don’t want to hear some fantastic load of tripe about Gary or Jill because they can’t win either and that’s simply the way it is. Deal with it. Those two are just like all of the other hundreds of people legitimately on the ballot to become President in November who are never going to get within spitting distance of the White House. Ever heard of Rod Silva? Me neither, but he’s running for President on the Nutrition Party ticket. Don’t believe me? Look him up. Here’s the bottom line: only two people can win and it’s not going to be anyone on this Rogue’s Gallery of wannabes…or the guy behind the deli counter or your neighbor’s cat so wake up.

We have a great opportunity here, people. We also have the potential for real catastrophe and that’s not being hyperbolic. You know damn good and well which is which.

Don’t be stupid.

Thank you.