How To Be Different and Why It Matters

Standing out is valuable, but you must adapt to the world around you

Photo by Kaizen Nguyen on Unsplash

When I was little, I didn’t blend in. For some reason, I always stuck out like a sore thumb. In a crowd of shy Asian students, I was the one who made funny facial expressions to win people over. In the immigrant community, I was the “know-it-all.” In my own extended family, I was the “American.” In my school, I was the above-average student who could’ve blended in with the overachieving crowd except for my penchant for the “weird” and the “artistic.” I was the extroverted introvert routinely seeking shelter in introverted crowds while taking risks with the extroverts.

From a very early age, I knew that I was different. For a long time, I tried very hard to blend in. Most of the time, I tried too hard. I was a people pleaser growing up.

When I entered college as a rebellious teenager, I embraced my differences. I dyed my hair pink. I juggled two lives: work life and school life. I studied abroard to learn a new language. Then, I branded myself as the kid who went to an undergraduate business school but wrote poetry, who was a Chinese American that spoke Japanese, who was a marketing major that programmed, who was a programmer that preferred the big picture over details, who studied aboard, who traveled often but had debilitating motion sickness, who snowboarded but had a fear of heights.

I was full of contradictions. I liked to have my hands in many jars. Above all, I loved to learn. I refused to be boxed in, to settle down, and to take the easy route.

Naturally, when I entered Corporate America, I was quickly branded by the companies that hired me as someone who was “different.”

Often, I was brought in as a person with different skillsets than all the other members of the team.

I was the only foreigner in my company’s new graduate program in Tokyo.

I was the only female programmer in a male-dominated team.

I was the team leader who taught junior members with no fear of job loss while the company went through five rounds of layoffs in three years.

I was a senior developer who joined a systems support team.

I was the systems support manager who had a passion for numbers.

I was the technologist who enjoyed mentorship by male managers rather than female managers.

My interviews often resulted in long periods of silence between managers who communicated vastly different views about me. There was always that one manager who adamantly wanted me on his or her team. He or she usually had to stand up for me to get me hired. Needless to say, I usually had to work extra hard to win over my “doubters” on every team. People usually had three months to prove themselves.

But I had to prove my worth almost overnight.

When I started to write on Medium, I was the female writer who also wrote in “male” topics. I was the female writer who refused to niche down and ended up writing in 14+ tags. After six months, I finally called myself a writer. Of course, I’m also a technologist who is equally passionate about data science and poetry.

Along the way, I’ve learned that it’s okay to be different. It pays to be different. Most of the time, the bigger world will appreciate your differences.

However, you’ve got to adapt your “differences” to the bigger world.