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HEAVEN ABOVE – Unfortunately for patient Lucas Von hopes for a cure have been put on hold as the ultimate provider of us all, God, Our Lord and Savior, requires prior authorization for divine intervention.

“Though His intentions are good, we beg the very important question: is it medically necessary?” wrote Satan, spokesperson for Blue Cross Blue Shield of Paradise. “Is there a generic version? Will His therapy interact with medications like Coumadin? We do this for patient safety and to cut down on costs.”

“Hogwash,” the Creator of the Universe replied, as He took out His Almighty pen and began filling out the devil’s prior authorization form. It is not uncommon for prior authorization to produce a delay of at least 24-48 hours.

According to sources, God is now cursing up a storm since Heaven’s fax machine is broken. God’s medical students and interns have already been advised to steer clear of His Almighty wrath.