Donald Trump’s promise to the American people that “I guarantee you, there’s no problem” when it comes to his penis size, has been rated “Pants on Fire” according to Politifact, the Pulitzer prize winning fact checking organization.

The Statement

“I guarantee you, there’s no problem. I guarantee.”

March, 3rd 2016 GOP Debate

The Ruling

According to several eye witness accounts and multiple anonymous sources, including his own words on The Howard Stern Show, it is widely known that Mr. Trump has a less than average size penis. We rate Trump’s claim Pants on Fire!

The controversy began at a campaign stop in Salem, Virginia over the weekend, when Senator Marco Rubio questioned the size of Mr. Trump’s manhood. “He’s always calling me ‘Little Marco’…and I’ll admit he’s taller than me, he’s 6’2” which is why I don’t understand why he has hands the size of someone who’s 5’2”. Have you seen his hands? You know what they say about men with small hands,” Rubio said pausing for dramatic effect before adding, “You can’t trust them. Alright? You can’t trust them.” The crowd gathered for the senator’s rally erupted into howls of laughter following the well-timed dick joke.

On Thursday night during the GOP debate, Trump fired back at Rubio’s attack and assured the American people the size of his custard launcher was just fine, but is it? Ever since Spy magazine branded him a “short-fingered vulgarian” in the late eighties, Trump has been famously sensitive about his tiny paws, leading many to question if Mr. Rubio’s allegations are indeed true.

Speaking out with the promise of anonymity, one former Miss America contestant wants to set the record straight. “He’s obsessed with his tiny penis,” said the former contestant. “He likes to call it ‘The Sequoia’ but it’s much more like a dwarf cypress. He has it tanned every three days to match the rest of his body.”

The American people deserve to know the truth. It’s going to take an enormous cock to follow Barack. The balls are in your court Mr. Trump. Whip that disco stick out and let the voters decide.

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