The phrase “learn to code!” has become a meme — and often a mean-spirited one. As wave after wave of layoffs have hit the journalism world, Twitter trolls often deploy it to harass recently unemployed writers.

Obviously, there is some objective value to the idea of learning to code. While many industries are in decline, tech continues to grow and the jobs pay well. But even when “learn to code” is well-intentioned, this usually-unsolicited advice is, more often than not, unhelpful.

Sure, you might be thinking, I must be saying this as a writer embittered by financial insecurity. No. My long-time day job is as a well-paid coder.

I don’t wish to discourage people from going into tech. Many will find it fun and intellectually rewarding, as well as financially rewarding. That moment when you see an app—for which you have spent hours crafting a new feature—finally work offers a sense of euphoria and deep satisfaction.

If the work itself sparks your interest, you should learn to code — but it probably sparked your interest already. Those who are drawn to it can find it a fulfilling career. But it’s not a magic spell that whisks you to an urbane, upper-middle class existence. There are a number of barriers along the way. Also, there are a number of problems in the industry that wear people down — and even sometimes push them out the door entirely.

The story of a humble nobody writing an app that explodes in popularity and makes them millions is extremely rare. Almost all large-scale successes had venture capital funding that helped them get there. In reality, most people who learn to code wind up working a fairly mundane office job to pay the bills.

Though tech is known for letting people break into the industry on skill rather than paper qualifications, that skill is itself difficult and time-consuming to acquire. There are coding “boot camps” that can teach you the basics of various languages, but these alone are usually not enough to land a job. At best, they help you get over the initial learning curve, so you can further practice your skills.

I taught myself how to code in my spare time starting in childhood. Many people, though, lack the time or energy to devote to such an undertaking. Many of the younger coders in the industry who mean-spiritedly parrot “learn to code!” are not parents — or at least learned to code before they were. They don’t fully realize how little stamina parents have for learning such a complex skill.

To make matters worse, the relevant and marketable skills for coding are constantly changing as new technologies come to market. It’s true that the more coding technologies you learn, the easier it becomes to learn new ones and see similarities with others. But new coders often enter the industry only to find things have swung in a different direction due to a trendy new technology.

In particular, people in marginalized groups often face difficulties finding and keeping jobs. They are also more likely to suffer harassment in the workplace. Tech at least partially deserves the “tech bro” stereotype: that arrogant, self-centered white guy. While the industry has plenty of wonderful, accepting people, a lot of space — seemingly more so than other industries — is made for toxic and abusive people.

When I came out as transgender, my boss at the time told me — straight to my face — that he would not be giving me a raise anymore because “I was lucky to have a job.” I was getting glowing performance reviews, but the fact that I am trans “reduced my market value” in my bosses eyes, as if I were just a sup-optimal commodity.

Startup culture seems glamorous. In reality, it is an ecosystem of companies that are going pedal-to-the-medal towards buyout, public offering, or bankruptcy. Investors are generally not looking to help build the next Apple or Facebook. They just want a company that serves as one part of their empire. As a result, the field has a dearth of stable, long-term jobs. After all, a company that is a great place to work one year may be dead the next.

When choosing any career path, the pros and cons must be weighed. The people admonishing others to learn to code seem to miss the cons of the tech industry. There certainly is a great path — for the right type of person. It is not a path for the majority of people.

In the short-term, providing programs to help people with changing careers — including learning to code! — may be of use. However, it is not reasonable to expect someone with other big picture concerns, like needing job stability or parenting, to learn such a demanding technical skill.

If there’s any signal coders ought to be sending, it’s “if you want to learn to code, I’m here to help.” Be the person that helps make obstacles less daunting.

Scorn is easy. Lazy, even. Offering a hand up is an act of kindness and solidarity, which are the virtues we need to solve the industry’s problems.