There are any number of neglected and marginalised groups in society, but one of the largest is barely recognised. I am talking of introverts, who constitute between a third and a half of society, according to a new book for adolescents. Quiet Power: Growing Up as an Introvert in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain is currently being devoured by my (introvert) 14-year-old daughter and it needs to be read, I think, by parents as well as teenagers.

Cain is best known for her earlier book for adults, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. In it she calls out the extrovert society in which we live for marginalising people such as her (and me) for, well, just wanting to be left alone sometimes.

Her new book is directly aimed at adolescents, and urges that we give introverts special attention at an early age. She is keen to reassure introverts they are not weird or geeky. Introversion is their “secret superpower” and she points to some of the very successful world-historical introverts: Gandhi, Einstein and (more surprisingly) Beyoncé and Emma Watson.

Introverts are not to be confused with shy people, who may well be introverts, but may equally well be socially awkward extroverts. Introverts can be outgoing and confident. There are those in between (ambiverts) but most people are closer to one end of the spectrum than the other. Each group has trouble understanding the other because, according to Cain, they have differently configured nervous systems.

Introverts construct their reality in their own heads. Inner structure, order and meaning is more important to them than external connection or the world in front of their eyes. Some extroverts – I suspect – almost never give any thought to what is going on in their own heads. They are practical people who “just get on with it”. They are team players, joiners in, partygoers. They are the television performers and cultural role models.

Extroverts often think introverts are just plain weird. As Cain puts it: “Society often overlooks introverts … we’re all supposed to be quick thinking, charismatic risk takers who prefer action to contemplation.” Society, she says, imposes “the pressure to be rowdy”. Being an introvert, as one interviewee in the book says, is rather like “being stuck in your own head”.

Introverts can find noise and fuss overwhelming. Whereas extroverts draw energy from social situations, introverts need to save energy to deal with them. Introverts like to be left alone – usually to pursue some singular passion that absorbs them overwhelmingly (in my case it was books). “It’s about having a deep inner life and believing that inner life to be important,” says Cain.

The introvert’s dilemma resonates with me greatly, and I wish I had had Cain’s book when I was 13, as I was a very quiet, bookish child who kept himself to himself and had only one real friend (introverts typically only have one or two friends). At around the age of 14, it occurred to me that I simply couldn’t survive as an introvert in the world. So I put on a loud, aggressive mask, which I didn’t take off again probably until I had a nervous breakdown at the age of 30. The weight of the mask was too much.

At the end of the book, Cain offers a chapter on what a parent who has an introvert child should do – get out of the way, and let their introvert child have down time without constantly insisting they “do” something or bullying them into making new friends – “They need time to decompress and daydream and do absolutely nothing”.

@timlottwriter