A new year means more than crowded gyms for a few weeks: All across the world, people are vowing to make 2011 the year they finally start a band. And when they do, they’ll need a name—and chances are, it’ll be inane. Every year, The A.V. Club sees thousands of band names, so we like to consider ourselves experts in noting the memorable ones. Like its predecessors, 2010 provided a bounty of silliness, forced toughness, and further testament to the unbreakable will of bands insisting on putting exclamation points or the word “funk” in their names. Behold!


Movie references

We Can’t Bury Shelley

Hudson Mohawke

Scarlett O’Hara

How cute—they have the same hair stylist as Justin Bieber!




Jackie And The Treehorns

Fuck Your Yankee Blue Jeans

Earth Girls Are Easy

PS I Love You

Okay, technically not tied to the movie, according to Exclaim, but guilty by association.

(Stop Worrying And) Love The Bomb

The Simpsons/TV references

Who Shot Mr. Burns

Looks like Maggie was more successful here—it appears they broke up.

Bloodbath And Beyond

Song title: “Eat A Bowl Of Fuckstick.” May have changed their name to ZZ BOTTOM.

Knifey Spoonie

Guantanamo Baywatch


Band & song references

Say Like The French Say (Fugazi reference?)

Depeche Node

Fuck

Fuck Fuck

Alaskan Thunderfuck

For a band seemingly named after a strain of marijuana, it has a bummer of a bio:

"A solo project to explore the notions of depression through imagery and music. Hopefully to captivate a single chord that expresses the way we feel when we are abandoned and capsized by that subtle feeling of melancholy."




The Fuck You Kiss My Asses

Big Fuckin Skull

"In the beginning, there was the Big Fuckin Skull… When or where It came from is unknowable and doesn't matter, but it was no doubt a really mean and shitty time and place. You know; the kind of time and place capable of producing a killer skull the size of Texas, filled with fuckin hatred."


The Fucking Hotlights

Angelfuk

Cutfucker

Sister Fucker

Ferocious Fucking Teeth

Shit

Turncoat Dropping Shit

Bring That Shit

Shit And Shine

“Four drummers, two bassists, one vocalist, all awesome.”

Shitty Advice

Shit Fight


Sex

Sextacy

Sexual Atrocities

“Formerly Screaming Afterbirth.”

The Fuk Holz

Sex Unicorn

The first Google result for this is for “the Polysoutheast Council”:

"If you’re looking for a real live sex toy or an interchangeable, faceless partner, rent one by the hour. Or you might try checking out swingers groups instead of poly groups, if sex is your primary goal. Unicorns are rare, and honestly, most of those you find in polyamorous groups are not interested in what you're offering."


Pop Culture Rape Victim

FistingYouENT

Vaginas

Vagiant

It has since changed its name to the less memorable “Tijuana Sweetheart.” Bummer.

Choice Cunts

V.A.G.

The Irish band’s name is short for “Very Angry Girls.”

Sparklepussy Barbie


Tits / Dangerous for Google Image Search

Bad Tits

Puffy Areolas

Scary Areolas



Dinosaurs

Stegosaurus Flex

Another one that has changed its name: Castlenova. That’s just generic, a step up from bad.

Thesaurus Rex

"Thesaurus Rex is the manifestation of all the ill shit I’ve conjured until now, lyrically."


Dubasaurus

Pterodacdudes

Bio: “dudes on, shirts off” R.I.P.—they played their last show in June.

Dead bodies

Corpse Timer

Polkadot Cadaver

Featuring former members of the egregiously named Dog Fashion Disco!

Annotations Of An Autopsy

Song titles: “In Snakes I Bathe,” “Prosthetic Erection”

A Corpse Vanishes

Diggin’ Up Grandpa


The longer, the better?

Everybody Was In The French Resistance…Now!

The Bewitched Hands On The Top Of Our Heads

They’re French, so maybe it doesn’t sound as clunky in their native tongue?

The Scattered Remains Of A More Glorious Past

The Slowest Runner In All The World

Everything You’ve Ever Known Is A Piece Of Light

The Mystic Order Of Reverb And Twang

The Dirty Marmaduke Flute Squad

Kevin Troy Boy Toy And The Almost Virgins Pajama Party


The World Is A Beautiful Place And I Am No Longer Afraid To Die

Destroy Rebuild Until God Shows

Song title: “Mr. Owl Ate My Metal Worm”

Who Cares How Long You Sink

Shallow Grave Satanic Symphony

This tells you what you need to know:



[pagebreak]

First person

I Am Committing A Sin

From the bio:

"Each phrase of their every song evokes within the listener stirring pangs of pleasure and intense spasms of euphoria. The formidable arsenal that is I Am Committing A Sin threatens a disturbance in the state of things, to the point of an epidemic, pestilence both degenerative and infectious."


Such talent was too much of a cross to bear: The band called it quits in June.

With My Tiny Hands I Kill You

Without You I’m Everything

Another name-changer now known as the suitably generic Passion Project.

And So I Watch You From Afar

Sorry I Stabbed Your Daughter






I Can Hear Myself Levitate

Winner, Year’s Most Face-Punchingly Emo Song Title: “The Coldest Abyss Of Your Heart”

MyChildren MyBride

We Are All Destined To Fail

Hope they found that bass player they were looking for before the big show opening for Mushroomhead!

We Repel Each Other

Song titles: “HiJacked Off,” “Out Of The Butt,” “Into The Fuck”

Second person

Kill You In The Face

Your Mom’s Pig Squeal

"YMPS may be a somewhat out-there name but does hinder them from claiming the LONSTAR state as there own."


Music Hates You

You Might Think We’re Sharks

Jesus, God, etc.

LudaChrist

Eve And The Apple

God Loves A Challenge

Mass Murder Messiah

Claimed by two bands! One from Montreal, the other from Wisconsin. But only the latter has a song called “Parasitic Bacterial Infections Of America.”


Andrew W.K. Memorial Category

Sorry For Partying

Drugs

Diet Cokeheads

"maintain your distance from the swamp-life. typically feeding by size, there is no difference between an ice cream cone, and a dripping yoni. burrito, and endowed phallus. your big hungry ass and a hummus platter. appetites are a force to be reckoned with. take it from us."


How I Quit Crack

CokeWolf

Drug Honkey

"Doom, sludge, and all things fucked up certainly play a role in this band, but an electronic, tripped out feel also encompasses their somber output, which evolves to a different plane with each passing song…Sit back, smoke up, and let yourself fall into Drug Honkey’s dark, dirty, and atmospheric mesh of sound."


Funk

Funk Dirty

Fever In The Funkhouse

Acu-Funk-ture

Sophistafunk

Funkiphino

“Colorado's funk sensation!”

Funktrek

Ska

Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra

Proper Names

Yid Vicious

Parasite Hilton

The Groucho Marxists


The Notorious MSG

Bin Laden Blowin Up

Bruce X Campbell

Bio: “BRUCE X CAMPBELL IS A 3 PIECE NOISE GRIND BAND. WE STARTED THIS BAND TO GET DUDES' NUMBERS.”

The Kevin Costner Suicide Pact

Shred Savage

Dick Wolf!

Delorean Grey

Richard Gear

P.S. Eliot

Drone Baez

The Courtney Lovers

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr.

You’re so tough!

Arsenal Of Blasphemy

“Needs shows anywhere!” proclaims its Myspace page, which has one of the best band bios ever. An excerpt:

"However, Arsenal is no band to fuck with because they will fuck right back and steal your hoes from you. With a new look and a new view, Arsenal has been working on being more professional by beginning to network and advertise and not only looking at it as a band but their own private business that needs to take off or their fucked. To sum it all up Arsenal is some normal dudes, playing brutal music, partying our asses off and getting the money, pussy and respect!"


It’s signed “Legalize it… AOB.” Perfect.

Steel Blades Of Vengeance

Hammers Of Misfortune

FLESHWROUGHT

Lightning Swords Of Death

Their top six Myspace friends all look like the same band:


Diabolical Sacrilege

Sadistic Passage

And Hell Followed With

Once Upon Atrocity

Minus 50 points if that’s a Cradle Of Filth reference.

Charred Walls Of The Damned

Fleshgod Apocalypse

Dismember The Past

War From A Harlot’s Mouth

Father Befouled

Suppress The Delusion






Therapeutic Homicide

Spaces are for suckers

Itsnotyouitsme

Imadethismistake

For the gays

The Homoticons

Dadfag

Hilarious

Misantropical Painforest

Song: “Winds Saturate With Inhumane Longing”

The Vomit Arsonist


Truth in advertising

We Aim To Try

We Aren’t Very Good

Really Annoying When Repeated

!!!

We Should Whisper!

Now going by Lamoni, and apparently unaware that the Myspace Twitter widget shows ALL tweets, including replies:


Tiger! Shit! Tiger! Tiger!

Birth!

Regardless, He’s Caught!

Caw! Caw!

You’re Done For!

Dang! I’m A Boy

SUPERCUTE!

Bonjour, Ganesh!

Monsters Scare You!

Federal! State! Local!

Vampires Everywhere!

Wow, their hairspray expenses must be out of control.

[pagebreak]

Commas

Oh, The Irony

And I Was Like, What?

Woe, Is Me

Apologies, I Have None

You, You’re Awesome


Strange punctuation

Man/Ass

A….B

Z is for…

Blooz Dogz

Hogz In Dandyland

Album: Across A Miracle

Whymzical Notationz

Grrlz Will Be Boiz



"One lesbian couple that played guitars, sang and wrote music together. Another lesbian couple not five minutes away that played bass and drums, sang and wrote music together. The lesbi-gravitational pull was just too much to avoid."


Kray-Z-Nutz

The League Of Extraordinary Gz

[facepalm]

Faith And The Muse

A Rose By Any Other Name

Change We Still Dream

Children Of The Almost

Sundried Truth

Dance Of The Mourning Child

A Sonnet To Silence

Fragile Utopia

Angels Of Babylon

Backseat Dreamer

A Crush On Yesterday

Shroud Of Despondency

Destruction Of A Rose

Romance On A Rocketship

The Loveable Tulips

Wishpenny

Coping

Teen Daze

The Love Hangover

Raven Nevermore

Barefoot Truth

Retards In Love

Shaman’s Harvest

Lying Naked With The Stars


Hippies?

JammSammich

Texas Hippie Coalition

Great Unwashed Luminaries

Homeboy Sandman

Necro Hippies

Sweet Bunch Of Daisies

So-and-so and the so-and-sos

OJ And The Broncos

Rock’N’Roll Monkey & The Robots

Jennifer Markey & The Tennessee Snowpants

Dikkk Sexxx And The Weepy Teens

Woo-Man And The Banana



David Carradine And The Autoerotic Asphyxiators

Asian studies

Flied Lice

Ching Chong Song

“Brooklyn-based saw/piano duo”

Tribute bands

Think Lizzy

Pelvis Breastlies

Chink Floyd



Ugh

2 Tickets 2 Paradise

My Sweet Patootie

“country jazz”?

Jazzsteppa

Atoms For Peace

40 Oz. Fist

The Booty Movement Coalition


Nonsensical

Nervous Curtains

Eine Kleine Chinmuzik

Piano Fondue

Sensible Nectar

Unicorn Basement

This Magazine Is Haunted

Why The Human Suit

Morning Teleportation

Do You Mean Australia?

My Dry Wet Mess

Directives

Smell My Pillow

Kiss The Anus Of A Black Cat

Nuke The Soup

Begin By Gathering Supplies

“Begin by Gathering Supplies deliver an imaginative pastiche of dub-influenced rhythms, well placed, minimal bursts of electronica that range from the psychedelic to the muscular, spare but strikingly ambient guitar textures, earnest and, though never over-wrought, impassioned vocals, and socially conscious lyrics which are refreshing in their personal and prosaic, as opposed to didactic, content.”


Animals

Puppy Dogs And Ice Cream

Possible Swingers reference?

Anything But Weasel

Come Fizzy Dolphin

The Bow-Legged Gorilla

Bird Ate My Donut

I didn’t see this until long after I added them to the list. Glad to make dreams come true! From their Myspace bio:

“Dream big. For Bird Ate My Donut, that dream is to one day make the Onion’s 'Worst Band Names' of the year list.”


To Speak Of Wolves

Prozac Rat

Basketball Animals

Puppies And Trains

Lizards Have Personalities

Lust-Cats Of The Gutters

Pink Gorilla Vs Panda Bear

Animals As Leaders

A Tiger Named Lovesick

Leeches Of Lore

Skank Wolf And The Mange

Myspace URL: myspace.com/hellslasthope666


Kids

Bastard Child Death Cult

Babies With Rabies

Stealing Wishes From Children

Fetus Heist

???

Ain’t No Er Like A Stripper

Zest Of Yore

Wrath Of The Girth

Bröhammer

Moistened Disciples

Rumpelstiltskin Grinder

Its Myspace page has a photo gallery of stills of its members banging their heads.

Nobody Beats The Drum

Bastard Sapling

Fat Worm Of Error

“WE ARE TERRIBLY ANTISOCIAL-NETWORKERS. USE NORMAL EMAIL. THIS IS JUST A DUMB BILLBOARD YOU SPRAY PAINT ON. DRINK BEER”


Strate Jak It

Stoked Beyond Boredom

Quieting Syrup

The Trendy Trendy Space Vegans

Logo:


World Racketeering Squad

Pissofficer

The Myth Of Modern Medicine

Fatal Inebriation

Noah’s Ark Was A Spaceship

Jaw Potato

“Chicago's jaw dropping jam band”

Oui Si Only You

25 years too late

Where’s The Beef?

Numbers 4 U

Sin 4 Sin

6a6y6zus

“ATTENTION A & R’S ! ! ! : LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT MAJOR TO SPONSOR OUR PRODUCTIONS AS AN IMPRINT.”


Good luck!

St8 Of Grace

“The band’s music is focused on alternative and progressive rock, with narrative story telling vocals that give you goose bumps every time you hear them. Featuring today’s rappers and special guest artists for a blend and twist of modern culture.”


925ve

High-fives

No High Fives To Bullshit

The Contact High Five

Food

Righteous Brisket

Dangermuffin

Danielle Ate The Sandwich

Clothing

Smelly Fucking Milkpants

Athletes In Slacks

Fur Coats For Sportsmen

How To Dress Well

Meatbikini


Will never, ever be spelled correctly

Apoptygma Berzerk

Kyklooppien Sukupuutto

Guns

This Town Needs Guns

They’re British, so guns are hard to find.

With A Gun For A Face

(The Ghost Of) Mice And Rifles


Misc.

Feng Shui Ninjas

Bored Straight

Past Blue Rhythm

From Wisconsin, naturally.

Crunk Witch

Nuh Uh

Nervous Virgins

Yum!

Colostomy Bong

Diarrhea Planet

Syphilis Sauna



Creepy

While She Sleeps

The Lecherous Gaze

Kind of genius in its simplicity

The Electric Assholes