A Parent’s Guide to Children’s Television

My 18-month-old daughter has more morning and weekend television choices than I could ever imagine as a kid. While she has her favorites - Elmo, Manny & Blue - there are a handful that just always happen to be on around the time she wants to watch the tube.

That means my wife and I are watching, too.

What I’ve determined is, that while most strive to have some sort of educational element to them with a hint of diversity awareness, most are chock full of ethnic stereotyping and just plain BS.

A few friends of mine are expecting soon. This post is for you, so you know what you’re in for.

Dora the Explorer (Nick)

Do I want my kid to by bi-lingual? Sure, it can only give her a leg up. But I’d appreciate you not confusing her while she’s still busy learning her first language.

Go, Diego, Go (Nick)



Hey kids! See that tiger over there? Go give it a big hug. Definitely won’t bite your face off!

Ni Hao, Kai-Lan (Nick)

My kid cant say “Open” (“Ahmee”) but she can say hello in Chinese (“Ni Hao”). Don’t like the idea of the creepy old man always getting up in everyone’s business.

Max & Ruby(Nick)

Teach your kids to whine like two annoying rabbits.

Wonder Pets (Nick)

Linny, Tuck and Ming-Ming, too, are the most palatable animals on Nick Jr. Unfortunately, they are sending mixed messages to young girls. When they ask “What’s gonna work…?” my daughter responds “TeeTaahhs” (instead of “teamwork”). Wife says, “We’ll talk about that someday.”

The Backyardigans (Nick)

Yes, multiculturalism is a great thing. Ridiculous, stereotyping is another. Uniqua? Tyrone? Pablo? God forbid they had an Asian animal on the show, lest they name it Ching Chang Ching Chong Wang.

Handy Manny (Disney)

I’m cool with this show. Lopart might be a little light in the loafers and Kelly might be Jonesin for some Mexican, but I can deal. Just don’t let it be known one day that Manny’s an undocumented.

Blues Clues (PBS)

I miss Steve. He seemed genuinely friendly. Joe seems genuinely close to a visit from Chris Hansen.

Special Agent Oso (Disney)

The worst kids show on television. The stuffed bear pops in uninvited to show kids how to do mundane tasks, only the bear is as incompetent as the kids, and needs to ask a PDA.

Sid the Science Kid (PBS)

You know the one about the kid that wants to know everything about everything? Yeah, I want to know who thinks this crap’s any good. Speaking of crap, Sid runs amok like he’s got a load in his pants. Don’t even get me started on the paint-eating Gerald.

Shaun the Sheep (PBS)

Badass claymation.

Sesame Street (PBS)

My favorite growing up. Unfortunately, most of the characters are new to me - namely Elmo, whose only saving grace is the slapsticky Mr. Noodle, his brother Mr. Noodle and their sister Miss Noodle. I like newbie Murray too.

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (Disney)

It’s hard to find fault in a legend. What I will say is this: Pete – supposedly a cat – looks anything but, and is always breaking balls. Yet, the gang is always friendly to him. I’ve verbally expressed “Pete feeds them a sh*t sandwich, and they happily eat it.” By the way, Disney, his name is “Goofy” not “Mentally Handicapped Southerner.”