Retiring race ace rules out ruling out return

Following his shock F1 retirement announcement this week, Fernando Alonso has admitted he would consider a return to the sport if there was a top-level team he could join and then really piss off.

The Spanish driver has enjoyed a long and varied Formula 1 career, having managed to piss off Renault in 2010 and achieved the dream of many young drivers which was to piss off Ferrari, as well as two successful stints pissing off McLaren.

This week’s decision to step down is said to be because Alonso feels that, with his constant whinging on the radio and permanent air of downbeat resignation, he has done all he can to piss off the Woking team a second time.

A driver of Alonso’s experience would naturally look for another home in the sport, but Mercedes seem to be happy to be slightly pissed off with Lewis Hamilton, Ferrari seem set to confirm another two years of being a bit pissed off with Kimi Raikkonen, while Red Bull, having recently become pissed off with Daniel Ricciardo, are now concentrating their efforts on being occasionally pissed off with Max Verstappen.

With no competitive teams looking likely to have room for someone who can inevitably piss them off, Alonso is thought to be eying a move to IndyCar, though there is no hint yet as to which team he could join, bitch about and then betray.