Canadians are dead, and so is satire. Six Quebeckers get slaughtered by Islamic terrorists in Burkina Faso, and to honor their memory Prime Minister Justin Trudeau leads a moment of silence ...at a mosque.

Speaking of prime ministers, having spent his entire premiership assuring us that whatever happens in the news headlines is nothing to do with Islam, David Cameron has suddenly discovered a few things that are to do with Islam. The opening paragraph from Mr Cameron's column in the London Times:

Where in the world do you think the following things are happening? School governors' meetings where male governors sit in the meeting room and the women have to sit out of sight in the corridor. Young women only allowed to leave their house in the company of a male relative. Religious councils that openly discriminate against women and prevent them from leaving abusive marriages. The answer, I'm sorry to say, is Britain.

Ah, right. And who in Britain bears responsibility for letting a parallel self-segregating society incubate and grow these last 20 years?

Mr Cameron has just noticed that 22 per cent of Muslim women in the United Kingdom speak little or no English, despite having lived there for decades. If you're a Muslim female, the moment of silence can last for decades.

So what's Cameron proposing to do about it? Well, that's all a bit more iffy:

Forcing all migrants to learn English and ending gender segregation will show we're serious about creating One Nation.

Fifty years ago, aside from a few querulous Scots, Welsh and Ulster Catholics, you didn't need to "create" One Nation, because you already had one. Anointing the most "gender segregating" culture on earth as your principal source of population growth is why you no longer have "One Nation", and why you're back starting from scratch. Good luck with that.

Mr Cameron has no serious intention of slowing the right of entry of masses of primitive misogynists into Britain, but in an hour or so he and his fellow MPs will be debating whether to ban Donald Trump. Like I said, satire is dead.

As for "gender segregation" in the Muslim world, let's go back to that Peterborough mosque where Justin Trudeau had his moment of silence to dishonor the Canadian dead at Islam's hands. The mosque is run by Imam Shazim Khan, who gave an interesting speech in Toronto a few years back. "Gender segregation"? Bring it on!

There is no need for her to go out. There is no need for her to call anybody. There is no need for her to talk to anybody... She only makes available herself to her husband and she protects herself and she stays away from everything that her husband doesn't like in order to please him and to make the marriage work...

Incidentally, Trudeau's imam says that, if David Cameron thinks "gender segregation" is bad now, wait till the hereafter:

"The Prophet PBUH said he said because of this ingratitude [of the wives towards their husbands] that is why most inhabitants of hell are women.

Cameron isn't serious about "assimilating" the likes of Imam Khan, and Trudeau kisses his ass.

Speaking of European leaders, most of them would dearly like to impose a moment of silence on Milos Zeman, the President of the Czech Republic. Mr Zeman has a different take on all this:

'The experience of Western European countries which have ghettos and excluded localities shows that the integration of the Muslim community is practically impossible,' Zeman said in a televised interview Sunday. 'Let them have their culture in their countries and not take it to Europe, otherwise it will end up like Cologne,' he added, referring to the mass New Year's Eve assaults on women in Germany and elsewhere.

President Zeman is a leftie, but not a suicidal one.

Zeman, Cameron, Trudeau: Which of these guys has a better handle on reality?

~YOUR MONDAY MOHAMMEDS: But wait! Contra Zeman, in Connecticut they're integrating just great:

Hartford police say they have arrested three men, 50-year-old Shiraj Mohammed of Newington, 33-year-old Ahmed Mustak of Hartford, and 51-year-old Mohammed Shaheen of New Britain.

So what is it? Radicalization? Violent extremism? Jetting off to Raqqa? Er, no:

On Wednesday, Hartford police officers executed two search and seizure/ arrest warrants at two "City Gas" stations... They found and seized 663 counterfeit knit winter hats. They also found 37 synthetic marijuana packs and 1022 grams of bath salts, which were hidden in the ceiling tiles. A large amount of untaxed cigarettes and $28,187 was also seized.

This is very encouraging news on the assimilation front. If only we could persuade more Mohammeds to get out of the jihad biz and into "counterfeit knit winter hats". By the way, if you're thinking of groping a woman in Cologne on New Year's Eve, offering her a counterfeit knit winter hat is a great way to break the ice.

~On Saturday I referenced a decision of the New York Supreme Court. Several New York readers wrote to explain that the New York Supreme Court is not, in fact, the supreme court of New York. So I added a clarification:

Thank you to those New Yorkers who suggest I point out that, in the Empire State, the Supreme Court is an appellate court but oddly is not the supreme appellate court. From the non-supreme Supreme Court the case will likely be appealed to the even more supreme New York Court of Appeals. You wouldn't have all this confusion if you'd stuck with the Judicial Committee of the Privy Council.

Other readers think my clarification needs a clarification:

Mark-- Just to clarify for the record, the Supreme Court of the State of New York is the primary trial court. The Appellate Division (of the Supreme Court) is an intermediate appellate court (with four geographical departments). The NY Court of Appeals is the state's highest court, with appellate jurisdiction only, and a limited docket. Otherwise your column was (as per usual) marvelous... and, considering the subject, justifiably depressing. Doug

So if I've got this right: The Supreme Court is the totally unsupreme low-level trial court. The Supreme Court Appellate Division is the intermediary court between the non-supreme Supreme Court and the really supreme Court of Appeals. The Court of Appeals is the supreme court to which you appeal decisions from the non-supreme Supreme Court and the mildly supreme Supreme Court Appellate Division.

I'm reminded of the old joke:

"I'd like to have this suit cleaned."

"Certainly, sir. That'll be a week on Thursday."

"But it says 24-Hour Dry-Cleaners."

"That's just the name of the shop, sir."

In New York the Supreme Court is just the name of the shop.

~Speaking of where justice goes to die, fraudulent Nobel Laureate Michael E Mann's defamation suit against me will shortly be entering its fifth year in the hell of the District of Columbia court system. I thank all those who have helped keep me in the game via SteynOnline gift certificates and stylish trial merchandise. I hope to live long enough to see one of these sclerotic and incompetent judges actually bring the thing to trial.

Meanwhile, Mann himself is now saying the satellite temperature record (which just whirrs away in space "unadjusted") is, like, totally unreliable. As Josh points out in the cartoon above, if you want a reliable temperature record, Mann's method is to use a single tree in Quebec's Gaspé peninsula that can tell you the precise temperature for the northern hemisphere - for New York, London, Cairo, Moscow, Beijing, the works - for an entire quarter-century at a time. Only deniers use mumbo-jumbo like "satellites"; a real scientist simply rubs his magic tree until it produces the desired treemometer reading.

More on Doctor Fraudpants' "scientific method" in my book "A Disgrace to the Profession": The World's Scientists - in Their Own Words - on Michael E Mann, His Hockey Stick and Their Damage to Science Volume One, complete with cartoons by the aforementioned Josh.

~My new cat album, Feline Groovy: Songs for Swingin' Cats, has a ways to go before it has as many five-star reviews as my Fraudpants book, but they're piling up over at Amazon:

Another big hit from Mark. The songs are very creative and fun to listen to. Can't wait for his next album!!

There's some nice reviews over at iTunes, too. Feline Groovy is available on CD. But, if you need your cat fix instantly, it can be yours in seconds via digital download from Amazon or Apple.