How I cured my daughter of love affair: A broad-minded Indian parent writes

Satire: My daughter fell in love with lower caste Jharkhand boy and I solved problem very simply. Read how.

Voices Satire

I'm an Indian parent and naturally, I love my children very much. I have two - one boy, one girl. We're a completed family. My wife also loves our children (and all children, she's a kind-hearted lady) very much.

But recently, there was a small trouble in the family. My daughter came and told me she has fallen in love with a useless fellow. He's lower caste fellow though earning good salary in IT. He's from Jharkhand or some place like that where if my daughter goes, she will die without an ambulance to take her to hospital during delivery.

Immediately, my wife began wailing and beating her chest about how life was over. She gets hysterical whenever there is a crisis. Once, I got off the bus before my family could and she pulled the conductor's hair till he made the bus stop. She acted as if I had abandoned the family and left for Kasi yatra. Silly lady.

Anyway, coming to the point, I told her to keep quiet and not shout to the whole world about what had happened. I will solve this, I told her. We're all adults. We should be able to have conversation in the house. So I took my daughter to a very expensive coffee place and told her in a very decent tone that we cannot do things like this in the family.

This is not because I'm old fashioned. Not at all. I don't believe in caste and all these things. You know, when we have function at home, we always give food to the maids and we don't use that two tumbler system and all that. We're broad-minded people and I've been to USA two times.

I was telling her for her own good. Because they are different people and we're different people. India is having lots of diversity and lots of unity also. We're like a zoo. Everything is peaceful when everyone is in their respective cages. Can you imagine what will happen if the monkeys are put with the lions or the snakes with the mongooses? Bloodbath, that only. It is cultural mismatch. Simple.

This girl told me she didn't want to talk about the zoo and that she was in love with this Jharkhand boy. The only person from Jharkhand we all know is MS Dhoni, it's that kind of place, I tried joking. But she went on repeating the same thing. How they met through a friend's friend. How they talked on Facebook, how he's her soulmate.

These children think the whole world is Facebook. I'm also on Facebook and I'm in many groups also. But I don't waste time, I'm always discussing important things and getting news about various national, international issues. That's what you call 'generation gap'.

We spoke for sometime and I paid 500 rupees for some garbage coffee and came back home. "What happened? What happened?" her mother was standing at the gate and asking. I said nothing and went inside. This girl had made up her mind. She went straight inside her room and closed the door. I sent her a message on WhatsApp that I will give her one week time to change her mind. She didn't reply.

I'm a man of my word. I waited one week. I locked my daughter's door from outside and only opened to give food and water. I'm not cruel. She's having attached bathroom and AC also. Then, I told my family to pack up. We're going for a trip, I told them. My son, stupid fellow, kept trying to support his sister. I don't know if he's also having affairs like this on the side. I checked his Facebook and didn't find anything suspicious but you never know with these children. I will fix him after this, I thought.

We went to this yoga centre where Babaji himself welcomed us. Babaji is a very good man. My younger sister got her baby only after visiting him. He's that powerful. I just had to see his smiling face and I at once felt better. I was ready to surrender all my troubles to Babaji and just keep his smiling face in my heart.

He told me, "Just leave her here and come back after 1 month. I will take care." My friend Shanmugam also had trouble like this in his family last year (actually, his case was worse - his son said he is a gay, can you imagine?) but everything was just fine after one month. Sometimes, Babaji is giving medicines and sometimes, stricter treatment is needed. But even if he beats, it is out of love. For our own good.

My daughter kept crying and my son also. I told my wife I will slap her if she does drama but she was very happy to be at the yoga centre. She wanted to do dhyaana and I said okay. We left my daughter there for one month and after she came back, she was a whole new person. Very calm, very silent. I told Babaji I didn't need to know the details. I got my daughter back, that is enough.

That Jharkhand boy? He's taken care of. I have a friend in the police department. He's my schoolmate, actually. He said he will take care. He will put some Naxal-terrorist kind of case on him and break his bones nicely. No killing - I am against all that. I'm a big believer in ahimsa actually. Just warning he needs. He should know his place.

Now my daughter is A-okay. She knows now what is true love. Only family can love unconditionally. We will give her a kidney also if she wants. As long as her heart belongs to us.

Note: This piece is satirical but sadly, this is a reality for many Indians.

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