Daddy, how do you feel about my porn career?

I spent more than a decade avoiding many conversations with my family—basically any line of discussion that might circle back to my work, any details of how I conducted said work, or even the basic question of whether or not my family knew what work I did. I assumed they knew, and their silence was telling. Word spreads fast once you’re found out. It is only in my post-retirement life that I’ve finally gotten around to having some of those awkward conversations with family.

One conversation in particular surprised me.

After nearly an hour on the phone, just as we were about to hang up, I mustered up the courage to ask, “Dad, how did you feel when you heard I was Aurora Snow?”

Silence.

Then came an answer that blew me away: “I was proud.”

That my father didn’t disown me for the unconventional line of work I chose says a lot about his nature. A free spirit, my father has bounced from place to place, from job to job ever since he and my mother divorced. In my family we call that “itchy feet”—never in one place long enough to develop roots. Despite his travels away from me and my siblings, my father and I have mostly maintained a healthy respect for one another, and even share some key viewpoints. If genetics are a factor, I suspect some of my more colorful characteristics come from his side of the family.

Even so, I found some of his candidness about my career in porn to be shocking.

Proud was not the answer I expected. This is my dad after all, and what father is really okay with his daughter having sex on camera for a living? It’s the first time I’ve ever been brave enough to ask and curious enough to know.

Aurora Snow: But why, why were you proud of me for that?

Dad: Why? Because it’s your life and you can live it any way you want to.

Aurora: Were you shocked? I wasn’t exactly the type to end up in porn.

Dad: Yeah, I was shocked but I was proud. My daughter is Aurora Snow… when my friends found out they said, “Oh my god, that’s your daughter?!”

Aurora: And how did you handle that?

Dad: When they’d say, “How do you feel about your daughter being a porn queen?” I’d ask them how much money they’ve made having sex. None. They’d have to pay for it. So I’m like, “OK, you’d pay for it and my daughter makes hundreds of thousands of dollars having sex, so c’mon, if you could do that wouldn’t you?” That shuts ‘em up.

Aurora: So it wasn’t weird for you?

Dad: Not at all. I’m very proud of you.

Aurora: I don’t think very many dads would say something like that. Why do you feel that way?

Dad: What was that asshole radio announcer’s name?

Aurora: You mean Howard Stern? Isn’t that how you found out about me doing porn?

Dad: Yeah, that’s him. Howard Stern. It came out of the blue, I hear this fucking asshole talking shit and at the time I didn’t want to deal with it. He had you on his radio show with all those gagging noises or whatever they were and I just wanted to knock the living shit out of him…That was my opinion at the time.

Aurora: So you wanted to knock him out? Was that like a protective dad gesture?

Dad: Yes. Doing that on his show, he made such a big deal out of it and had you gagging and doing all that deep throat stuff and making those sounds…

Aurora: You know, Howard Stern suggested I got into porn because I had daddy issues. What did you think of that?

Dad: I think it was a bunch of crap myself…I just wanted to tell him to go fuck himself. Then, when I heard those glug-glug-glug noises on his show I just wanted to wrap my hands around his neck…

Aurora: What about now?

Dad: Well, that’s the way I felt then. It was what, twelve years ago? Or more maybe.

Aurora: I was firm: I didn’t have daddy issues, mine were purely financial. That’s what happens when you’re poor.

Dad: That’s what I told everyone: My daughter is in it for money, and she’s made more money having sex than some people will ever make, so what’s the big deal?

Aurora: Some fathers might feel that way about their sons but not their daughters.

Dad: Hmmm…No…I don’t have a problem with it. If I could’ve made hundreds of thousands of dollars having sex I would’ve done it, too. I’ve bragged about you. How many people can say they’ve done what you’ve done? I’m proud to call you my daughter. It’s your life and you can do whatever you want with it, and if you’re making your own choices that makes me happy. I wasn’t really around for you. I wasn’t much of a dad, but you know that.

Aurora: We all make mistakes in life. I was a little kid but I still have some good memories of you.

Dad: Yeah? Not many though…I was never much of a dad. I still loved you but I was never there for you. You had to figure it all out for yourself, but you were tough. You know, I’m not even gonna apologize and tell you I could have been something better [laughs] because I’m just not…I’m not something better...I am who I am.

Aurora: I’m fine Dad. I do a pretty good job of taking care of myself. I’m not perfect but it works.

Dad: You know why that is? Because no one else did it for you. You did it on your own…don’t you think that sucks in any way? Are you proud of the fact that you’ve done everything for yourself since you were little?

Aurora: I don’t know. I guess I never really thought about it.

Dad: I had the same life. My Mom and Dad weren’t there for me either and I didn’t intend that for you or your brothers. I’m not going to apologize or think I can do anything different right now.

Aurora: There’s no need—no need to apologize.

Dad: Well, some kids think, well, damn, my Dad was never there for me. Hell, sometimes I think that about my Dad.

Aurora: I just don’t think that way. We’re both adults and we cant go back in time, but we can go forward in new ways. I don’t hold anything against you. I never have.

Dad: So I don’t have to cry tears and apologize? I don’t have to apologize for my mistreated daughter that had to raise herself? None of that crap?

Aurora: No, you really don’t.

Dad: Dammit, you took all my thunder away! So, really, there’s no poor, poor pitiful me? Well, I’m still going to tell you my Dad fucked me up…No…I wont say that…

Aurora: I don’t believe in pity parties, personally. Besides, no matter who your parents are it’s your choice to let them affect you.

Dad: I’m going to go back to what I said earlier: just like it’s my life and I can do anything I want to…well, it’s your life and you can do anything you want to. You only get one.

Aurora: Yes, it’s my life, and while I can do anything I want to that doesn’t mean it’s free of consequences.

Dad: I am so happy to call you my daughter. No one’s ever said I’m proud of my daughter making money for having sex, but…I’m proud of you for living the life you want. That takes courage, to get out there like that. You own your life. That’s why I’m proud to call you my daughter. I don’t deserve to, you practically raised yourself, but I still love you.