"To be perfectly frank, she didn't need that much help getting over the rainbow."

Meanwhile, Jinkx is having a great experience with her veteran, even with his limitations: like Raven in Season 2, her guy is the oldest and most physically challenged in the room, but he also has the best stories, and he's a total sweetie to Jinkx. Dave is a Vietnam veteran and the second-oldest surviving gay veteran in America, and was friends with Judy Garland, before... well.

Detox thanks the Ru Gods for sending her a single, cute, heels-trained Castro District bottom to play with, and Jinkx editorializes that if Detox doesn't win, she has nobody to blame but herself.

The queens get to work, and Detox is pleased with Aaron's rear admiral. He's a Marine, so take your pick between "seamen" and "poop deck" jokes.

If I may aside: you would think that Alaska's power here would be a huge advantage, but historically, it's been a mixed bag. The three previous seasons' assigners, Tatianna, Alexis, and Kenya, ended with Tati and Alexis as safe, and Kenya going back home. Alaska doesn't break form from the girls who came before her, picking the conventionally prettiest one for herself, and doles out the other vets by the order they walked in the room. Roxxxy gets the short, hairy one, Jinkx gets the old guy, Coco gets a brick, and Detox gets a Marine with a pre-sissied walk. Fun for everybody!

(n.b. Clever Redditor RuPaulRyan points out that all the SheMail puns are almost certainly related to building one's metaphorical drag haus. Probably correct, but I prefer the theory that at some point, this challenge was making over construction workers instead.)

Alaska ultimately triumphs. This week is the annual put-a-rando-in-drag challenge (also known as the Drag U Audition Challenge), and Alaska is charged with pairing gay military veterans with drag queens, in a challenge celebrating the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

After Detox, Coco, and Roxxxy crunch out, it comes down to Jinkx and Alaska. Though Jinkx's face says "I'm strong to the finish..."

Instead, they've phoned in a trainer for a reprise of the Season One endurance challenge. I question the wisdom of jumping jacks in heels, but I suppose it's no more complicated than some of the dancing in heels they're expected to do, and fortunately, nobody turns an ankle.

Today's SheMail is comprised of building and construction jokes--laying a foundation, painting the house down, et al--but apparently that mini-challenge, whatever it was, was nixed after they'd already filmed the SheMail segments.

Meanwhile, the other queens are resolved to sabotage Jinkx any way they can. Alaska observes, "It's turned quickly from 'Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants' to 'Sisterhood of I'm Going to Kill You So I Can Win,'" which is a mouthful, but I guess Chad already ran the Hunger Games allusion into the ground. Roll credits! Good morning, Top Five!

We're post-elimination, and Coco feels good. She hopes to rewrite her narrative arc, announcing, "Now it's time to be America's next drag superstar. Thank you, girls!" It's misplaced hope, but Coco doesn't know that yet.

Strut-2-3-4! Strut-2-3-4! In their own ways, everybody this week learned how to serve.

They decide to do a mother-daughter act, Judy Garland and Lisa Minnelli through the lense of Gypsy. Later, as Dave struggles with heels, he shares with Jinkx that he's living with AIDS and that the medicine has taken a toll on his body. Jinkx reassures Dave that they'll work as a team and find ways to compensate for Dave's mobility. I'm really glad these two were paired together--they're great partners.

Roxxxy isn't shy about her discontent with Alaska's choice for her: her transformation of fuzzy, clomping Iszy will take more work than Alaska's and Detox's pretty boys. (Yes, I checked the spelling, and yes, Iszy is correct.)

If she wants peanut butter, she better send those nuts through the Grindr. Hey-o!

During Ru's walkthrough, Iszy cops to having no drag knowledge, and is baffled when Ru asks her about the Andrews family Jif. Roxxxy is frustrated, but resolves to double-down and make it work anyway.

Coco's Marine, Steve, is a tall order. The muscled bricks are always the hardest transformations in these challenges.

That's BoobsforMarines.com! *ding!*

When RuPaul visits for the werkroom walkthrough, he tells Ru about joining the military in a last-ditch effort to make himself straight. Good on him for making such a turnaround that he's participating in RuPaul's Drag Race! With the lip synching record in the room standing at 0-0-1-1-3, RuPaul lets Steve know that Coco's surviving in this competition on borrowed time, much to Coco's chagrin.

While making hip pads, Alaska and Mack discuss Mack's enlistment in the military as a response to being raised in foster care. Alaska is much more impressed by this than by Mack's skill in heels, and she implores Mack for "soft steps." (Aside: I'm surprised Alaska didn't come to RuPaul's Drag Race with more than one set of pads. Maybe the other set was ruined by the first episode's drowned-rat mini-challenge?)

After the werkroom walkthrough, RuPaul announces that the queens will choreograph their own "patriotic colorguard presentation." The show must have blown its guest coach budget on the "RuPaul Roast" three-comedian panel--how much trouble would it really have been to bring in a high shcool colorgard coach?--because the queens are left to their own mostly-off-base devices.

At least they share the equal footing that nobody knows what the hell they're doing with these flags.

Where did the time go? It's Elimination Day! Time to get the veterans shaved...

painted...

and glued.

This challenge has turned into a test of the breadth of drag skills. We've watched Alaska scramble to make hip pads, Detox try to figure out eyebrow-gluing, and Coco struggle to paint another face. Season Six hopefuls, take note: run through a checklist of drag skills, even ones you don't personally use, and make sure you've attempted each one a few times.

Time for the "paint our faces, bare our souls" segment. Jinkx's veteran Dave talks about being kicked out of service for being gay, and about a friend going to jail for it. (By the way, if you'd like to read Dave's take on the filming experience, he wrote a fascinating blog post about it.) Detox and Aaron talk about the car crash that lead to Detox requiring massive reconstructive surgery on her forehead, and about the psychological trauma that followed. I want to hug Dave and Detox both.

We've had a lot of sponsor shoutouts this episode, and now we're learning that TapeBrothers.com is your one-stop tape shop when you need to affix a military veteran's penis to his own butt!

Don't forget Michael Levine fabric and Colorevolution cosmetics. I'm surprised Elmer doesn't get a glue stick shout-out.

On to the Main Stage! RuPaul looks gorgeous this week, and her subtle, shapely contour wins Best Breasts on Panel.

We start with the flag routines. Detox and Beth Adone had a reach that outstretched their grasp, figuratively as well as literally, but I admire their ambitious routine--if they'd nailed it, it would have made the other queens' routines look way basic.

I'm about to overuse the word "cute" in this runway review, but Jinkx and Fortuna were really cute. Just like her daughter, Jinkx's mama Fortuna served good face! Her big ole grin gave me LIFE.

Alaska and Nebraska served flag-camp entertainment. Alaska said it best herself: it was "fun, goofy, and weird, just like me!"

Roxxxy and Isabella nailed the family resemblence, and Isabella's peanut butter is finally creamy.

Coco and Horchata's routine is the one that looks most like a colorguard routine, and it's entirely possible that Horchata, at least, legitimately knows what she's doing with that flag.

We throw the costume change into fast-forward and plow straight through to the runway! Commence. Shake. DOWN.

Jinkx and Fortuna Monsoon are a completely adorable duo. Fortuna is either a natural ham or a very quick study, and she matches Jinkx's physical comedy to delightful effect. I'd book 'em as a double act.

Honey, everything's coming up Jinkxy!

Isabella started with a bit of a brick mug, but Roxxxy beat it into Andrews Sister Realness, and they both look great. It was smart for Roxxxy to give Isabella the sexier neckline, and she clearly got Isabella's walk softened out too.

(No mention is made of the fact that Roxxxy apparently spent the entire episode making dresses for Detox, Willam, and Vicky Vox to wear in the "Boy is a Bottom" music video instead of what she and Isabella actually wore.)

For Alaska and Nebraska, category is: Barbie Bandit Realness with a side order of Parent Trap.

This wasn't the most ambitious look Alaska's ever concocted, but she and Nebraska executed it to lovely effect. Honestly, the first time I watched this, I kept mixing them up--Alaska has painted Nebraska exactly the way she paints herself, when when you see two tall, blonde Alaska Thunderfuck lookalikes, you would (incorrectly) assume that the real Alaska is the taller one.

Detox packed a pair of plastic candy cane dresses, and this week's challenge is both the annual drag-another-guy challenge and the annual patriotic challenge, and goddammit, Detox was going to use those dresses, whether Beth Adone's fit or not. They're really cool dresses, and the looks could have been really sweet, had the styling not been so matchy-matchy; their paint looks severe against the red and white wigs and hats. Wouldn't these have been cute with 1950s soft, flirty pin-up-girl hair and make-up? Detox's dress is considerably more flattering than Beth Adone's, which is a cardinal sin in this challenge: never look better than your new drag sister.

Coco looks lovely on the runway tonight, maybe the best I've seen her; that long, honey hair makes Coco look younger and softer. Unfortunately, Horchata's makeup is serving Drag in the Dark realness. What happened with that eyeliner, that brow highlight, that cheek contour placement? With three survived lip synchs already, the judges were looking for a reason to place Coco in the bottom two, and Horchata's busted mug gave Ru just cause.

During critiques, the judges loved Jinkx's styling and routine alike; it's clear that this win was a toss-up between Jinkx and Roxxxy. They only have rave reviews for Roxxxy, too, and sassy Isabella offers Santino a mustache ride.



In the immortal words of Alyssa Edwards: Clownfucker from the jump!

Alaska's review is a mixed bag; they read Alaska on Nebraska's improvised hip pads, and George Kotsiopoulos calls Alaska's boots "just unforgiveable." Alaska would later tweet in response:

I went fact-checking, but I only saw those boots in "Frock the Vote." Maybe they were also hiding under white fur?

Detox and Coco both get read for looking better than their sisters, and Detox earns a stink-eye from Michelle for declaring that she doesn't pay attention to other queens' critiques. Coco is barreling down the path to a classic "Nobody's telling me I'm pretty!" runway breakdown, and Ru tries to talk Coco out of her tree.

After a rousing RuPaul speech about the Milintary, the queens are sent backstage for drinks during judges' deliberation.

I wish they'd served drinks with military-themed names, but I can only think of Tailspins and Kamikazes, which, no.

As the queens discuss the potential bottom two, and Coco vents her frustration with the critique of Horchata's make-up, I keep getting distracted by the utter double-vision of Alaska and Nebraska. At this point, I'm telling them apart by their outfits.

Interior Illusions has become a Sharon Needles sex dream.

In the Gold Bar, we get more twinsies action with visit from Detox's family.

Detox stole his brother's neck in-utero.

I imagine they're frathernal brothers, but still: that is Detox's twin. I grew up in Kentucky with a half dozen dudes who all looked exactly like Detox's brother; these two were raised in North Carolina. I have the startling realization: Detox comes from hillbilly stock.

And this seems like a good moment to drop in this personal aside: next to Alyssa, Detox is definitely the queen who has grown on me the most since this competition began. In the first weeks, I was so busy carefully not pre-judging Alaska, I completely failed to not pre-judge Detox: she was just that Crown-the-Queen-Bee top with the terrifying lips who showed up to rap in Willam's music. I knew all the words to her part in "Chow Down at Chick-Fil-A," and she felt like a ringer early in the competition, so I didn't bother looking past her plasticky surface. By now, I've learned better: Detox has a hell of a heart. Through the competition, she's always been quick to comfort queens who are hurting, and though (like everybody) she had her share of confessional shade to throw, she's often served as a voice of diplomacy when conflicts arise among the other queens. Yes, the revelations about her ex-boyfriend's death, her car accident, and her family have drawn humanizing moments from her, but it's not just that. I came around slowly, but I really, really like Detox, as a queen and as a cool, kind person.

But enough about my feelings! After a quick lovefest for the BreastForm boobies...

...We move back to Interior Illusions, where the newly-minted military queens are comparing tuck trouble and having their first kiki about the competitors. In a moment that feels like a throwback to earlier Untucked episodes, we watch Coco's queen get unnecessarily hostile at Jinkx's when Fortuna predicts that Jinkx will win.

The queens rejoin and have a sweet "Everybody say love!" moment before the queens hit the Main Stage again.

Jinkx is safe, and Roxxxy scores her second win!

Alaska is safe, leaving Detox and Coco to lipsynch for their lives. While it's hard to hold a candle to last week's LSFYL, Detox and Coco are both lip synch masters, and they turn out a great rendition of Seduction's "It Takes Two." Detox's range of motion seemed limited by her dress, but she werked her mouth and busted out some moves straight from the music video, much to Michelle's delight--here, I made you a GIF. Yes, that's Michelle in the white jacket.

For her part, Coco certainly didn't do anything wrong in her lip synch, except clock it as her fourth this season, and she sashays.

It occurs to me: this was Detox's second lip synch, and while Roxxxy has had one, Alaska and Jinkx are going into the Top Four without having ever lip synched. Unless Jinkx and Alaska lip synch against each other, at least one of them will make Top Three without ever lip synching (something only Nina Flowers and Tyra Sanchez have done thusfar, the latter with a she-had-immunity-in-Rocker-Chicks asterisk). It's also entirely possible that one of them will make the Top Three, having never lip synched, and not win the show, which hasn't happened since Season One. I can't wait to see what next week has in store!

AND NOW, FREEBIES! Want to win one of these RuPaul's Drag Race fans?

Well! I just set up a Facebook page for The Dilettwat (long time coming, I know, but y'all know I'm a Twitter person, not a Facebook person). But the page is lonely! So, like the page, and Share today's recap update. I'll pick three people on Monday to send fans!

NEXT WEEK: It's my favorite episode of every season: the three-look ball challenge! The Top Four reprise last year's Puppet mini-challenge, then use candy to craft their final runway presentations. I can't wait to hear Ru's sweet puns!