Somewhere in America, even Donald Trump is doing a double take before violently vomiting. Earlier this week, conservative radio host sith lord Jan Mickelson revealed his own plan for immigration reform in the United States. While Trump's much-discussed assertions that all immigrants are either rapists or criminals is an insult to the progressive intellect of a vast majority of the country, Mickelson's summation of an ideal America is worse. So. Much. Worse.

On a recent episode of his show, somehow not named I Wish I Were Glenn Beck But I'll Settle for Average Deranged Racist, Mickelson said his plan would involve making undocumented immigrants property of his home state of Iowa. As part of their property status, these individuals would then be forced into what Mickelson describes as "compelled labor." According to MediaMatters, Mickelson also suggested that these forced laborers would assist in building that thing Republicans can't seem to stop fapping to: a wall between Mexico and the United States:

"Anyone who is in the state of Iowa who is not here legally and who can't demonstrate their legal status to the satisfaction of the local and state authorities here in the State of Iowa, become property of the State of Iowa. So, if you are here without our permission, and we have given you two months to leave, and you're still here, and we find that you're still here after we've given you the deadline to leave, then you become property of the State of Iowa. And we have a job for you. And we start using compelled labor. The people who are here illegally would therefore be owned by the state and become an asset of the state rather than a liability and we start inventing jobs for them to do."

Of course, all of that is dangerously stupid enough. But, like Trump and Beck and others before him, Mickelson is not one to back away from a challenge of "Hey, how racist can you possibly be?" Apparently, Mickelson can be this racist:

CALLER: Well, I think everybody would believe it sounds like slavery? MICKELSON: Well, what's wrong with slavery? CALLER: Well, we know what's wrong with slavery. MICKELSON: Well, apparently we don't because when we allow millions of people to come into the country who aren't here legally and people who are here are indentured to those people to pay their bills, their education of their kids, pay for their food, their food stamps, their medical bills, in some cases even subsidize their housing, and somehow the people who own the country, who pay the bills, pay the taxes—they get indentured to the new people who are not even supposed to be here. Isn't that a lot like slavery?

It should warm your heart to know that Mickelson's show has previously welcomed fellow sith lords Rick Santorum, Carly Fiorina, Ted Cruz, and Mike Huckabee. Hopefully, Trump really is Bill Clinton's ingeniously planted implosion device. The sooner that thing detonates, the better.