Oscar Wilde is most quoted in dictionary of humorous quotations - but Austen is editor Gyles Brandreth's favourite

This article is more than 6 years old

This article is more than 6 years old

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." Can the often-quoted opening of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, first published 200 years ago, still be considered the funniest one-liner in the English language?

Yes, if you're Gyles Brandreth, editor of the fifth edition of the Oxford Dictionary of Humorous Quotations, whose top 10 list of favourites also include, "If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled," from PG Wodehouse's 1938 novel The Code of the Woosters, and broadcaster Stephen Fry's observation on modern life that "The email of the species is deadlier than the mail."

Brandreth's editorship of the dictionary of wit, which he assumes from the late Ned Sherrin, author and broadcaster, is notably establishment in flavour. His number one joke of the 21st century turns out to be a one-liner by the mayor of London, Boris Johnson: "My policy on cake is still pro having it and pro eating it!" Modern-day favourites also include a one-liner from Prince William, a man not usually known for his humorous quips, on his wedding: "We're supposed to have just a small family affair."

Johnson is rising up the ranks of funny politicians: with 13 entries in the dictionary he outwits Margaret Thatcher (11) and Harold Macmillan (9) to become the third-most amusing British politician, behind Winston Churchill (32) and Benjamin Disraeli (28). David Cameron and George Osborne do not feature.

By counting up the most-quoted witticisms, Brandreth and the Oxford dictionaries team have crowned Oscar Wilde the most-quoted humorist of all, with 92 entries. The playwright and poet is much quoted for such lines as, "To lose one parent, Mr Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness," from his 1895 play The Importance of Being Earnest.

"These are the people whose lines, written or spoken, have stood the test of time," Brandreth said. "They are the all-time greats. Some are notable for their original humour, some for their pertinent wit and wry observation. Wilde is leagues ahead of the rest of the pack. He is without doubt the most quoted and quotable of them all."

Dorothy Parker leads the list of the top five wittiest women, with 43 entries, ahead of Mae West, among whose best lines is: "Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before." Margaret Thatcher is the fifth most-quoted woman, and the fourth most-quoted politician. "Margaret Thatcher was not noted for her sense of humour, but she is in the top five because she said some memorable things, such as this oft-quoted line: 'If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.'"

The seven most-quoted writers are male and among these only Woody Allen is still alive.

Gyles Brandreth's top 10 humorous quotations of all time



1. "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." – Jane Austen (1775–1817)

2. Nancy Astor: "If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee!" Winston Churchill: "And if I were your husband I would drink it."

3. "I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception." – Groucho Marx (1890-1977)

4. "Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before." – Mae West (1892–1980)

5. "To lose one parent, Mr Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness." – Oscar Wilde (1854–1900)

6. "If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled." – PG Wodehouse (1881–1975)

7. "If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor." – Joan Rivers (1933–)

8. "Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad." – Miles Kington (1941–2008)

9. "If you lived in Sheffield and were called Sebastian, you had to learn to run fast at a very early stage." – Sebastian Coe (1956–)

10. "The email of the species is deadlier than the mail." – Stephen Fry (1957–)

Gyles Brandreth's top five one-liners of the 21st century

1. "My policy on cake is still pro having it and pro eating it!" – Boris Johnson (1964–)

2. "We're supposed to have just a small family affair." – Prince William (1982-) on his wedding

3. "All my friends started getting boyfriends. But I didn't want a boyfriend, I wanted a 13-colour biro." – Victoria Wood (1953-)

4. "I saw that show 'Fifty Things To Do Before You Die'. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'." – Jimmy Carr (1972-)

5. "I will take questions from the guys, but from the girls I want telephone numbers." – Silvio Berlusconi (1936-)