SACRAMENTO, CA—Claiming that he had matured and grown into a more refined individual, local 25-year-old Dylan Harkin told reporters Thursday that he was no longer impressed by Mewtwo. “When I was 18, I was still, like, whoa, Mewtwo—but, honestly, there are way stronger Pokémon now,” said Harkin, noting that if you really “level up” your Tyranitar or Deoxys Attack Forme, they can counter Mewtwo’s pressure attacks and dispatch the genetic psychic rather easily. “I just looked at myself in the mirror one day and realized that I wasn’t a child anymore. Don’t get me wrong, when I got my first Mewtwo back in middle school, I was blown away. He was the apex—the ultimate ‘OG.’ There comes a time in every man’s life though when he has to move beyond the original 150. Listen, I respect Mewtwo for what he used to be, but after seeing him in Pokémon Go, I realized that we’d both changed. I have a condo, a wife, and a Mega Arceus now. I’m pretty sure it’s time to move on.” Harkin added that he probably wouldn’t even go see Mewtwo Strikes Back in theaters more than a half-dozen times.

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