Olympus S01E01: "The Temple of Gaia"

Look at that photo above. Now look at this one:

They aren't even screenshots. They're official stills from Syfy's Olympus, promotional snaps intended to sell you on the the network's new mythology-influenced drama. And you're sold now, right? If you didn't seek out Olympus during its debut episode last night, I'm telling you right now that you have to, because this sucker is absolutely one of the worst things I've ever seen on TV.

If you've been thinking that Syfy has descended into some cheesy-bad territory as of late with projects like Z Nation and Dominion, you haven't seen anything yet. I watched every episode of Dominion's first season, and that show at least had the decency to cast some solid actors, shoot on location every once in a while, and play around with the conventions of the nonsensical, religion-driven, post-apocalyptic stories it was telling.

Olympus wants to be a kind of Game of Thrones-esque Swords & Sandals-type show, but done in the cheapest, most unbelievably bad way possible. HBO spends more money on Game of Thrones' map budget than Syfy shelled out here. Olympus's greenscreen work is straight out of '90s-era video games, to the point where the lack of depth in the majority of the scenes is comically distracting. The result is akin to something Sci-Fi would've aired at 2am in 1994.

But even if you could pay attention to the performances, it wouldn't be worth the trouble. Yes, the cast is unfairly saddled with terrible material from writer/director Nick Willing—he of some of Syfy's other remixes of notable texts, including Alice, Tin Man, and Neverland—but they don't bring anything to the table. The lead, Tom York (no, not the lead singer of Radiohead, though if that were the case, Olympus would be so dope), was charming for a few fleeting moments, but otherwise turned in an ineffective performance.

Perhaps worst of all, Olympus seems to take itself far, far too seriously. The pilot was heavy on violence, with occasional moments of blood and gore, but in a way that was intended to be shocking, not over-the-top or silly. There were, of course, poorly constructed "battle sequences" (with roughly six characters participating) and talk of mysteries and prophecies and secret paternity. It was all so dumb, and delivered with such a straight face, with no sense of knowingness or winking at the audience.

Usually I'd encourage people to stay away from bad TV. There's just not enough time in the day, you know? But this thing? You have to seek it out, and at least try to make it through the opening episode. For these immaculate shots alone. BEHOLD!

Did you watch Olympus's debut? What'd you think?



