We at Cracked are experts at moving house. Often at great speed, barely ahead of grizzled detectives we've pushed over the edge. (They were easier to push because they had nothing to lose, and so weren't carrying much.) When people send us mail they just follow the trail of chiefs' desks cracked by someone slamming down their badge and gun. For express delivery they toss it in the back of a speeding police car.

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Brockway's alarm clock

Brockway has already covered the delights of moving, but that was a move within a country. The only border was the karmic fault lines between L.A. and places where the human soul doesn't dissolve. For the full moving experience you need to cross the planet. I recently transplanted my entire life from Toronto to Oxford, England. Because I was sick and tired of nobody having an accent.