I have ARFID, also known as Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. The best way to explain my own experience of this, is that I have a different perception of edibility than other people. In the Venn Diagram that is, “actually edible foods” and “foods I would be able to eat” it’s just a circle with a much, much smaller circle inside.

Or maybe it’s a blob, I dunno.

My safe foods change, usually shrinking or expanding within a same general bubble of what I’m used to. Lots of different things trigger it to shrink, usually when I’m financially struggling (the majority of the time) and can’t afford safe foods. I tell myself I must not deserve them, if I cannot afford them. And my perception of them as viable options for food I can eat becomes dimmer and fades away. I forget about liking carrots or smoothies. I don’t have $3 in my bank account to buy a bag of carrots. How could I be expected to make myself a smoothie then, since I can’t afford a blender or frozen fruit either?

Other things trigger a shrink in this too. For example, for a long time Tim Horton’s changed its chilli recipe. I’m assuming it was more economical for them or time efficient. But the ground meat was not finely cut enough, and the chilli itself was far too liquidy for me to scoop it up comfortably. It used to be a comfort food for me.

Whenever I order something and someone comes to me after I’ve paid to tell me that they don’t have it, would I like something else? I am filled with so much panic and anxiety about how they must judge me for being a snobby picky eater or something, and how I don’t have a backup safe food planned for that place, let alone something close enough in price to ask for a substitution. Can I even ask for a refund? I think I did that once and I felt like I was going to pass out.