If you missed the keynote yesterday, here's all you need to know.

Anyone who watched the keynote at the Google's I/O developer conference yesterday got to see a clear difference between Microsoft, Google, and Apple.

Google comes in dead last as far as any sense of fashion is concerned. That's unless you think it's a fashion statement to go up on stage wearing beat-up jeans, horrid t-shirts, and ill-fitting jackets that appear to need dry cleaning. The presenters couldn't even manage to comb their hair or shave.

The entire company looked like refugees from a crack house. While there is something compelling about looking like you just rolled out of bed and don't really give a crap about what anyone thinks, you'd think some minimal effort would be put in to making oneself at least presentable for this event.

I'm unsure what the company is trying to prove, except that the employees are apparently slobs of the highest order. I'm surprised one of the many presenters did not have an uneaten piece of pizza stuck to his behind. Even cheap Hawaiian shirts and Bermuda shorts with sandals would have been at least two notches higher on the style spectrum.

None of this builds confidence insofar as the products and services are concerned. At least no one belched in the middle of a presentation. I was waiting, though.

So, what did the company actually do? Well, it showed off Gummy Bear or Snack Pack or some other new upgrade to Android. Let me check my notes. Oh yes, the upgrade to . And now, Project Butter smoothes the screen action, which was already smooth if you ask me. All along the way, presenters dropped pun bombs such as for "butter or worse."

This preoccupation with fatty desserts and butter makes me wonder about the Googlers. You'd think that all they do is sit around and dream about food.

They demonstrated a Siri clone, an advanced voice search algorithm that worked well in a canned demo. New little touches were added to Android, including cards and a creepy feature that allows the system to give you the Giants box score because it determined you are a Giants fan based on your searches and posts. It also tells you when the next bus is coming because it can tell you are at the bus stop waiting.

The big non-surprise, though, was the 7-inch tablet that does everything an iPad does. And by everything, I mean read magazines because, as we all know, magazines are going to be what people read on tablets because, uh, well, hmmm, some reason.

The event, nevertheless, is all about search and everyone knows it. Google cannot afford to see search traffic on mobile devices go to Bing. It would be bad.

Google is also leveraging its assets, namely the mapping and navigation. New inside-the-building navigation is captured by Googlers that walk around public places wearing a backpack of cameras, just like the Google car does on the streets.

Assassins will love this time-saver. So will sleaze balls who want to scope out a bar for hotties in advance of the spray of breath freshener and the self-directed pep talk that finishes with "go get 'em, tiger!" (Many of the characters on stage seemed to be those sorts of fellows.)

The one item I feel needs some comment is an orb taken apparently from the Woody Allen movie, Sleeper. It's essentially a $299 Google version of , the media streaming center and whatchamacallit. This Google thing—called the —will do pretty much the same thing but includes an internal amp, so you can get some genuinely tinny sound out of the device directly. Most noteworthy: it's round.

Google also demonstrated some horrible ideas about how you can party down with the Q. Using some tablets or phones, you can listen to each others' music all night. It was lame and makes me wonder what Google is thinking.

was shown off and some blimp-jumping skydivers streamed video from the glasses in real-time to a Google+ page. These glasses are perfect for jumping out of a blimp. After a rigmarole where some new blue glasses were delivered onstage to Google co-founder Sergey Brin, I wondered why the company didn't just use FedEx. It wowed the crowd, which needed a jolt at this point in the long presentation. It was getting to be like a scoreless soccer game.

Google did short-sheet Microsoft with the Nexus tablet, which will be shipping in the next few weeks, long before the . The company then pulled an Oprah and gave everyone in the audience a bag of Google goodies. A party followed later that night.

The pressure on Microsoft continues.