BETHESDA, MARYLAND (The Borowitz Report)—Saying that he would like to help the Senate Judiciary Committee “in any way I can,” Judge Merrick Garland announced on Monday that he is “still available” to be confirmed as a United States Supreme Court Justice.

“I haven’t heard from anyone on the Judiciary Committee,” Garland said. “But I just want to let them know that I’ve let bygones be bygones if they’d like to confirm me now.”

The judge said that he was “not surprised” that no one from the White House has called about his availability for the Supreme Court job. “I’ve been reading that Woodward book,” he said. “It sounds like things can get pretty hectic over there.”

Garland noted that, when he was first nominated to the Supreme Court, no Republican senator agreed to meet with him, but added, “Maybe they can find some time in their schedules now.”

“After what they’ve been going through for the past couple of days, the Republicans might want to give old Merrick another look,” he said. “I’m clean as a whistle.”