Most people don’t read the blogger’s bio on a site so I’ll save you an extra click and tell you a little. I’m a sober, single twenty-something mom trying to find her way in this whacked out, digital dating world… but I need help! Sober. No longer can I use liquid courage to calm my jitters before a first date or use, “want to grab a drink sometime?” as an opening line (although, technically, the man should be asking me out in the first place).

I’ve been in recovery for about a year and a half now, which means I don’t drink. Anything. At. All. Obviously, this is a positive and intentional thing, which is applauded in the rooms of AA but since I’m a twenty-something, most people my age are all about meeting up at bars to hang out — especially on first dates. There’s nothing like that ego boost at the bottom of a glass or bottle to break the ice, right? In my case, I always ended up that too-drunk-girl who was left wondering the next day what I had done wrong. The answer? Most likely everything. A lot of guys I’ve run into say it’s an admirable thing to do (getting and staying sober) but are actually turned off by the idea.

On top of being sober, I’m also a single mom. You can imagine how that doesn’t exactly leave me with a lot of time to go galavanting around town meeting new people. So with no drinking involved and a child to take care of — when, where, and how does one even begin to meet people? This is what has led me to apps like Tinder, OkCupid, and Tryst. That, in itself, has led my friends and I to tons of creepy messages, unfortunate meet-ups, and random encounters with stage 5 clingers.

So the big question here is… how does one sober girl meet a decent guy in a drinking world? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with alcohol or the people who consume it, it’s just not for me. I’m not above or against meeting someone out for a drink but it’s not the ideal place for all of our dates. I know I can’t be the only one out there dealing with this issue and even though Alcoholics Anonymous is just that — anonymous — I’m wondering if you can help a lady out?! Coffee dates are great but get monotonous and while every girl loves a picnic in the park that’s not exactly first date materal.

Whether you’re also in recovery or just have some great activity/date ideas that don’t revolve around alcohol, I need some feedback! Dating is tough enough without having any extra restrictions. I definitely wouldn’t change my life for one second or the journey I’ve been on to get myself here, but I could definitely use some help navigating this digital dating world!

Help a (sober) sister out!

Much love,

– Searching Stella

(Photo Credit: carnagenyc, Flickr)