I tried this, and Siri only found a Monastery. Come on, Siri! Get with it!

I also considered:

Googling the nearby kingdom for nearest horses

Photoshopping out damned spots!

Google: “thesaurus: rose”

To put my computer to sleep, perchance to dream

“@sampson: Hey @abraham! #bitemythumb”

Any other jokes in there I missed? Post them here, or on Twitter under #updatedshakespeare. I’m watching!

Also, all shirts still on sale through the end of this week! So before the end of the day Saturday, all shirts are just $15 plus shipping! Check it all out over at HilariAwesome.com.