Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s.

WALSH

Transfers:

OUT: Van Dickface, Hazard, Costa

IN (for -4 points): BRUNTINHO, diving cunt Alli, and sir Harold of Kane

Out with the Chelsea in with the Spurs. Seems a natural progression of the squad replacing two heavy hitters with two others from a team with tough fixtures and are not free flowing to a team with easy ass fuck fixtures who are free flowing. Seems a tidy swap to me and it feels good to not have to watch Spurs games from behind the couch anymore. Even though I properly hate Alli and kinda hate Kane.

Finally, it is time to say goodbye to Van Dickydick who I’ve had on my squad since my GW6 wildcard. He had a good run for a spell but he’s been an absolute nightmare disaster the last few games with red cards, injuries, and fucks. Basically wanted to get a replacement who is assured no blank. Very pleased to get in Bruntinho who is clearly a legend and a God amongst plebs. Annoying news out today that Evans is still injured (shocker) meaning Brunt will probably be stationed at leftback instead of OOP but even still he returns for fun even when playing as fullback plus set pieces. He doesn’t have a blank and seems like a good shout for the next handful of fixtures. I briefly considered Coleman but I think I’ll want to have Barkley and Rom in the near future so that put me off the double up with Baines.

GK: Heaton. Nothing to see here. Hoping for a 10 pointer with clean and baps…should be able to do.

DEF: Three away guys this week which doesn’t feel great. What does feel great is that they are all LBs / LWBs. Alonso at Pool probably not great but who knows. A 0-0 wouldn’t stun me. Baines at Stoke I don’t love a clean there but always a shout for Shawcross to kill someone in the box…would love that. Finally new friend Brunty goes at Boro. Hard to see many goals there especially with Gaston still out for them. West Brom don’t really do away clean sheets this year but maybe they could nab one at the Riverside. He’ll probably score a goal and get an assist too so I’ll take the 20 pointer.

MID: My nightmare differentials continue to be nightmares in Yaya and Ramsey. Yaya had a lovely free kick dong in FA Cup so hopefully that will at least ensure that he takes direct right footed frees over Kev this weekend. Still stunned to not have gotten a pen from him these past two. It must be said, he’s on an extremely short leash. He might go next week as I did not, perhaps stupidly, foresee him playing deep as fuck with Dinho out. Hard to rely on only pens or direct frees for points - he’s just not making forward runs. Ramsey stats have been great but returns and form has not been there to match. Not sure how long I’m going to give him but with a blank if not two looming he’s probably not long for this world. New boy Alli will go against the shambles that is Sunderland so hoping for some points there. Didn’t give too much thought on Alli v Eriksen - as discussed on the pod I’ll go for the player who has goals in him over the assister most every day. Finally, Alexis rounds out the group. Very pleased that Theo banged a hatty in and looks set to be recalled possibly as soon as the weekend. Hopefully that will see Wenger come to his senses and fuck Donqey off to hell and go back to Alexis up top. I am starting to figure out what to do in life though should Arsenal have blanks in 26 and 28. That will be chief among talking points on the pod moving forward I am sure.

FWD: Crouchy goes again for me. Don’t love the fixture and don’t love starting him but here we are. Hopefully Berahino slots in alongside or behind him and not instead of him. It’s hard to imagine Crouch being dropped given current form. Ibra looks poo but meh. Fixtures still look kind and on pens etc. Still feels okay to hold. I’ll probably get rid for GW26 when he’s blanking and get Rom in though…unless he sees a significant upturn in form over the next few. Finally, Kane is in for the second time. He’s given me three straight blanks last time he was in so hopefully he rectifies that situation.

Cap: Kane. It was a fairly simple decision for me this gameweek. I think Sunderland are a cut below any other side in the league and seem to be in a proper state at the back due to suspensions, AFCON, and general shitty players. I imagine Spurs will completely destroy them. A fairly rare away captain for me but it seems that Sundy are the best fixture in the league by a mile given the recent performances by Hull and Swansea who were formerly competing for this honor. Ibra and Alexis will both likely be much higher percent capped based on early polls, but I dislike both for different reasons. Ibra’s form has been woeful in the last couple United games I’ve watched and Hull look to have a bit about them since Silva came in. They don’t seem like pushovers even though they are in full fire sale mode. Alexis will be back on the wing again against Watford and even though they should destroy them I just don’t love him on the wing. Stats are still good and perhaps I am being stubborn about it but I don’t think I will cap him again until I know he’s playing as central striker. Either way, owning both of them covers me nicely and I do believe that of the three options here, only Kane has something like triple return potential.

ALON

Transfers:

OUT: Siggy

IN: Alli

Simple pimple control here. Siggy and Swans are a sight for exactly no eyes. He went through their good run of fixtures bundling up two pointers for fun and I’m sick of it. Getting in at least one Spurs player feels like bare minimum and that swap was an easy decision early in the week as I had the money in the bank. Alli, in what could be a 5+ goal festival against Sundy, feels pretty great to knock some ding dongs in.

I’m floating my other FT so I’ll have two frees again next week. I flirted with some moves for Giroud or Firmino or both but in the end I think the best move is no move. If I had the money in the bank to go Giroud to Kane I would’ve done, it must be said. This will probably be Giroud’s last game for me with @ Stamford bridge next GW and Feo/Wally lurking. I do think he’ll still start this home Watford golden fixture and hopefully leave me on a high note the donkey fuck.

GK: Lee Grant end of. I’d feel so much better about this if last week was a double digit fuckfest vs United but Shrek had to ruin it with a peach of a FK on like 94′… Hopefully he can rack up some saves vs Everton.

DEF: I only have three guys this week with the Holes suspension but I still kind of like the points output potential. Alonso at Anfield isn’t great for a clean (especially if Mane makes it) but we all know what Alonso is capable of going forward.. Bainesy on pens is a start every week and I think at Stoke is a decent fixture for Everton who are in nice form. Lastly Phil Jones who should still fend off Bailly who picked up a knock home Hull which is a great shout for a clean.. that said with many United blanks coming and his spot still sort of in question, Philly might be on the way out for me soon. See why I need two FT?

MID: New lad Alli feels great to come in and make his first Alon cap at the Stadium of Dick vs Sundy. Spurs could really go wild this game with 4+ dongs very much in the cards and in matches like that Alli would be up at second striker alongside Harold and in great positions for more dongs. His form is fucked up good. Firmino keeps his place yet again as I must be the most patient and Liverpool biased fuck in all of FPL :)… But with Mane back this week or next week I’d assume LFC go back to donging for fun and Firmino for sure will go back to playing false 9 which means consistent and elite midfield FPL scoring. Stanislas also probably making his last start for me unless he really tits and looks great, but even still the Bournemouth fixtures turn for the worse after this home Palace plum so he’s probably gonezo. He’s been a good servant for two matches but I really want another return this GW and accept nothing less… Bourne fucking score for fun at home. And lastly Alexis we all have him we all like him he’s a fucking festival. Home Twatford is a reeeally good fixture and he and Arsenal should be able to execute a proper bare bottom spanking.

FWD: No changes up here with three big boys in Ibra, Big Rom, and Big Donq Giroud. Ibra and Ollie with nice fixtures I feel pretty good about them, or as good as a giant lumbering piece of fuck can feel to have in your squad. They still should be in and around the goals that will be scored. Big Rom and Everton with their fixtures and no blank gameweeks coming up makes him all the more sexual and amazing and I’m very happy to have him. At Stoke on a cold Wednesday night or however the cliché goes whatever fuck them and fuck the cold Big Rom is a genius. Go on.

CAP: Alli, Alli, Alli, oi, oi, oi. He’s the dumb looking kid who waves all the time. But he’s good, he’s reeeeaaaaallll good. He has the most promising career of all of the young Englanders I feel like. But anyway back to FPL I think I covered it all above but yeah I just think with Spurs at this Sunderland the actual mercy rule might have to be called upon as Spurs could score 10. And I like that kind of impossibly high ceiling for a captain who is also relatively safe to at least get something on the board. Welcome to the squizzzzzaud Alli lad.