Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s.



WALSH

Transfers:

OUT: Kane

IN: Ibra

Fired away on this move Saturday after Ibra’s brace as I wouldn’t have been able to afford it with his pending price rise that evening. Seems a fairly straightforward swap of a piece of shit for someone who is on form and has an incredible run of fixtures. Feels safe. I still have some holes in my squad - especially for this weekend - but I feel like covering myself with Ibra given how many transfers in he’s accrued (triple rose) and how highly he will be capped is more important.

GK: Nothing changes and there is only one man - Fuckford. Glass half full: hoping for a 4 pointer with saves up the ass. Glass half empty (and more likely): will probably get 1 point because fuck me.

DEF: Going with four this week because of various other circumstances I find myself in. I’d kill a lot of humans for Spurs v Soton to be 0-0 as I will be rolling out both Toby and VVD. I guess I’d take a 1-1 with goals from both. Will probably be 2-1 with goals from Rose and Walker though. Holebas with home Palace suddenly looks a lot better as Palace will probably go in super defensive looking for a clean sheet draw without Pards. Holebas has been putting incredible balls in on his indirect frees from what I’ve seen in recent games so I am hopeful for maybe a cheeky assist there. Finally, Alonso goes. Someone who will likely be in my team for a long while I am a little bit pessimistic on a clean sheet chance with Kante out and against a Bournemouth side who will not park a bus. He’s an OOP player though so there is always a chance at an attacking return.

MID: Sticking by Bobby Firm once again. He looked back to his old self in the derby and nearly returned so I feel pretty good about him in this one. I’ve already lost almost all the value I formerly gained in him as he’s now just .1 above the price I purchased him at but I’ve always seemed to find a different place to spend my transfer these past weeks. Hoping that patience pays off. A blank in this fixture though will be the last straw. Maybe. My two heavy boys Alexis and Hazard look primed for returns with both having extremely favorable home fixtures.

Finally, I’m sort of forced to go with de Roon over Can. Seems like Gini cemented himself in the side the minute Can died a few weeks back so I’m just kind of fucked about it in this moment. All I can really hope for is Can getting recalled for one of either the City or Sunderland game to follow with very short breaks between their next three games. It sucks that Can got hurt when he did because he was playing incredibly well and offered the team something Gini is completely incapable of: goals. However, it’s hard to argue with Gini’s work rate in midfield and it doesn’t look like he’ll be dropped. There is an outside chance Klopp pushes Lallana up top and drops Divock which would allow for a midfield three of Can-Hendo-Gini but it seems a bit unlikely that he will change a winning side regardless of how poor Divock has looked. De Roon is a piece of shit though and at Burnley is a horrible fixture. Fuck it, I’m gonna go with Can and hope for a start. He probably has a better chance of an attacking return in 15 minutes than de Roon does in 90 anyway. Okay lineup lambs show me the light.

FWD: Holding and benching Costa means I will be going with just two up top. New friend Zlatz will go along with top bun savage animal fuck / reverse OOP midfielder Sir Carroll of Andy. Not much to say. I hate him but hopefully he does something against Swansea.

CAP: It’s time to take a gamble. I’m going with Hazard. Now hear me out. All three of him, Zlat, and Alexis have plum home fixtures on paper. However, two of them three will be facing 8 men buses and one will be facing a marginally worse team who will be going for goals. Sundy and West Brom both set up absurdly defensively away from home and while an early goal in either game could open the flood gates I think both will go into this Boxing Day just trying to not get battered. Both are very resolute away from home and I don’t think those games will be free flowing. Sure they will probably both lose 2-0 or something like this but I don’t think there is a potential for a huge goal tally for either Arsenal or United. Bournemouth, however, will not park a bus and don’t really do away from home under Howe. I imagine a 4411 set up of sorts but Howe will not hesitate to go for goals and I think they will be incredibly susceptible on the counter. Bournemouth have routinely let up a ton of goals. With Costa out there will be a lot more onus on Hazard to get goals and I can see Chelsea putting at least three past Bournemouth. Maybe this is finally the week they get a pen? Wouldn’t mind it. Every time I captain Hazard he blanks and I end up saying never again but here we are. I’m going for it.

ALON

Transfers:

OUT: Kane

IN: Ibra

I was so confused, so lost, after my horror show GW17 that I needed a scapegoat. I didn’t even know what I was doing but this felt like the right thing to do. I shuddered at the thought of seeing Kane’s name and hearing him breathe for my squad for one more GW. Enter Ibra and United’s fucked up good run of fixtures.

GK: Lee Grant will be my keeper for months after the latest Butland setback (assuming Stoke buy him and don’t let him go back to Derby). Lee is at Anfield and Pickford is at Old Trafford so neither will keep a clean or anything, probably, but Lee Grant can maybe keep the goal tally under 3…? I don’t know it’s a fucking tossup. I have captain Zlatz I don’t want my keeper against my captain. Who knows. What am I doing? I missed Pickford’s 8 pointer last week so now I kind of just hate him and I’m being spiteful. End of.

DEF: Also going with a four spot this week (also because of Costa) but I’m worried that Matip won’t play which will be very annoying yet again. But I have him in there in what should be a good fixture home Stoke especially with no Arny. All signs indicate that Toby is back to being fit and he should start @ a Soton team who can’t score for shit. Philly Jones insane person home Sundy is a very titful fixture. He’s a rare good transfer that I made and actually feel good about. And lastly I’m rolling out Holebas with Walsh’s inside knowledge of Palace always shutting down shop for interim managers plus you know Big Fat Sam loves a clean sheet. Holes is still putting up nice attacking statistics, better then de Roon at least, so add the potential even if it’s small chance at a clean sheet and Holes makes the starting 11.

MID: Sanchez. Duh. Monotonous. Bobby F gets another go even though the yolo inside of me wants to drop him + Matip right now for a -8 and bring in Chelsea defender and some mid. But I shouldn’t do…….Fuck. Life is hard. Siggy keeps his spot, still in the middle of a green fixture run, the crème de la crème begins now with home Hammers this week followed by home Bournemouth and at Palace (which I guess isn’t as good now that Big Fat is there but ok still fine). Siggy with quiet back to back blanks and Swans getting destroyed in both matches isn’t really a good sign… Generally you don’t want too many guys on the shittest teams in the world but Siggy is class we know this. Maybe Bob moves him back up top I don’t know… He’s the only undroppable player in their side… And last is Payet lad. Still a love of mine but now riddled with negative associations because I got him in my worst stretch in my FPL career taking hits for fun and dropping hundreds of thousands of places. What a good time to make up for it right? He gets Swansea. Score points Dimi please.

FWD: Costa is benched so also only going two deep with the same two as walsh in Zlatty too hottie and Andy too dandy. I wish they were playing each other so we could see them jumping and kicking each other and shit. Actually now that I think about it I just want to see them fucking fight. Maybe the undercard to Walsh v. Kyle Walker in a cage. Need to make this happen… I digress. Ibra is consistent and in form and United look pretty good I feel safe with him. Andy is a fucking dickface and him and West Ham need to get their fucking shit together before Bilic gets dubbed a one-hit-of-an-unfiltered-cigarette-wonder and gets the fucking can and they lose Payet and more in the January transfer window. What a shit storm over there.

CAP: I’m going mainstream here with Zlatty. It’s obvious and it’s not exciting but I can’t get around it. If I were going to punt on one I’d punt on maybe Payet but that’s too soon. United are mega favorites to just simply turn this Sunderland side over. They’ve been a little more resilient lately, Sundy, then early Moyes-era but I’m not really buying it. Pickford is good but they’ve also played some shit sides lately and they’re still conceding a million shots and chances. And I think Zlatz in his current form will turn those shots and chances into dings and dongs. Simple as.