BuzzFeed recently published a piece entitled, “Uber Executive Suggests Digging Up Dirt On Journalists.” In it they stated that Emil Michael, Uber’s SVP of Business:

outlined the notion of spending “a million dollars” to hire four top opposition researchers and four journalists. That team could, he said, help Uber fight back against the press — they’d look into ‘your personal lives, your families,’ and give the media a taste of its own medicine.”

First of all, let me be honest. I like Buzzfeed. I like their lists like “27 Cats Who Are Like, ‘Imma Do Whatever I Want. Deal With It’” and, “24 Classical Statues Taking Selfies.” I like their eye-catching headlines. I’m impressed by the platform they’ve built and the attention they attract. One day, I’d love to write a piece for them.

However, I do not consider them a reputable news source. I put them more in the category of Gawker: I enjoy their fare but take everything they say with a boulder-sized grain of salt. I therefore state up front that I don’t know exactly what was said or not said at this dinner. Many times, anything written about Uber is done so with the sole intention of getting eyeballs, and BuzzFeed is nothing if not a master at getting eyeballs. Since that piece went live at around 8pm last night, it has garnered close to half a million views and counting.

That said, if what is stated in the article is accurate, there are two disturbing things going on here.

First, the idea that it would be acceptable to go after a journalist’s private life in response to them writing about a company, is disturbing. Even if what a journalist was printing about the company was unfair and untrue, it’s still wrong.

It would be one thing if the journalist in question was going after a person, a human being – either uncovering things or making things up about the personal life of, say, Uber’s CEO Travis Kalanick. In that case there’s an argument to be made that the journalist his/herself is fair game; their own argument that a public figure is in the public eye goes for them too.

But what it seemed Michael was suggesting was that in response to someone like Sarah Lacy writing about Uber, wouldn’t it be great if Uber could go after her private life and basically attack her personally?

That’s like me writing something (unfair) about Birchbox and Birchbox outing my medical records. Not the same thing.

The second thing I found distressing was the comment Michael allegedly made that Lacy would be “‘personally responsible’” for any sexual assaults that happened due to women deleting the Uber app after reading her article.

Let me be clear: If Michael did make this comment (at a dinner where he thought he was off the record), he probably meant it in an offhand way, not as a well thought out or defensible stance. I very, very seriously doubt he thinks anyone ever deserves to be raped, or that he believes Lacy would actually be responsible for such an attack.

No, what I found distressing was the fact that the spirit of the comment is actually fairly common. It’s along the same lines as remarks often made regarding where the fault (or even partial fault) lies when it comes to sexual assault.

Fact: When someone is raped, the only one at fault is the rapist.

It is not the victim’s fault for wearing a short skirt or walking in the wrong neighborhood or consuming alcohol or failing to carry mace or a gun.

It is not the journalist’s fault for writing an article about how Uber sucks as a company.

It is not the city’s fault for having a nonfunctioning emergency phone.

It is not the fault of someone who was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Now: There is a difference between blame and responsibility. Whose fault is rape? The rapist. The sole person to be blamed for sexual assault is the assailant. But who has a responsibility to protect people from rape?

All of us.

It is our responsibility as a society to educate and protect our citizens. It is our responsibility as a culture to support healthy family systems and protect children from abuse so they don’t grow up to be abusers. It is our responsibility as individuals to continue to have conversations about the topic and support those talking about it (hence me writing this).

We're having the wrong conversation if we're talking about who's right: men vs. women, journalists vs. companies, on the record vs. off, Uber vs. BuzzFeed. It is instead our responsibility to spread the word about resources like The Mankind Project and The Good Men Project and The Authentic Man Program, places to help men heal and grow and establish a healthy sense of masculinity and integrity.

Finally, I would like to make it very clear that I believe services like Uber do keep the world safer. The amount of accountability and transparency available with Uber’s system far surpasses that of any taxi company of which I am aware, and I’ve done the research. It’s Lacy’s choice to delete the app but I would encourage everyone I know (especially women) to have it on hand.

I would also encourage everyone to download the app LifeLine. You engage it when you're walking by yourself at night, or any situation where you feel vulnerable. Once activated, you hold your thumb on the screen continuously with the idea that if attacked, you would drop the phone and your thumb would disconnect from the screen. If you don't enter your safety code within 20 seconds, the app makes a loud noise and notifies the local authorities and uses your phone to give your exact GPS coordinates. It has saved at least four lives since its inception, possibly including the woman who wrote this compelling story.

Apps like these are examples of how technology can be used for good. They are designed by human beings innovating for other human beings. They give me hope.

They are also a stopgap.

Our goal should not be to have lots of great technologies or strategies to help people escape rapists.

Our goal should be to end rape.

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Melanie is Director of Communications for OpiaTalk, the social shopping widget for retailers that releases a 'disappearing promo' -- think SnapChat for eCommerce. Customers never leave your site and OpiaTalk only goes live when you choose, on the pages you choose. Our latest clients are seeing 10-15% in-widget conversions (nope, not a typo). Check us out at www.opiatalk.com or contact hello@opiatalk.com.

If you or someone you know has been affected by sexual violence, it is not your fault. You are not alone. Help is available 24/7 through the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656-HOPE and through live chat at online.rainn.org.