You can’t make this shit up folks, but hey… where would we be without a bit of Zoomer humour every now and then?

El presidente, speaking at the unveiling of the party’s elections countdown clock at head office in Durban, said that the ANC is more powerful now than it had ever been before. Look, he’s not the kinda guy that’s going to let silly things like facts, polls and average voter decline since 1999 get him down.

“We in the ANC mean business. People can say whatever they want to say but we are working on correcting what the apartheid government did.”

Zuma, who’s suffering from the flu – some folks do lose the ability to make sense when they have a fever – said he was impressed by the young women wearing their ANC headscarves, saying that they brought respect to the party.

The president then switched to the elections, saying that even old people must come out and vote for the ANC in the Local Government Elections on August 3.

“We are more powerful than ever. We need to take care of God’s children. We are looking after them, no one is crying. If they are, then they are sent by a zombie,” the president said

“We want each and everyone’s votes, even those who are in other parties. They are in other parties because they want to be leaders. They must continue to vote for the ANC and still be in other parties. When you ask them what is the opposition, they tell us that they are fighting the ANC.”

Zuma then told folks that they must get up at 3am on voting day and go fetch the elderly to get them to the voting stations.

“Every vote counts. We are not playing, do you hear me? We are the future of South Africa, we built South Africa. What has transpired is because some are angry and were kicked out of the organisation. It does not matter because we will win.”