Note: This chapter is considerably longer than my normal ones. Sorry! I usually try and avoid this by splitting my chapters, but I really didn’t wanna break this one up.

Just wanted to give everybody a heads-up so you aren’t surprised by the length! Thanks, guys! ❤

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Phoenix paused to take a breath as he finished talking through his plan. It was an idea he’d been wrestling with for the past two days until he knew he needed to ask for a second opinion. The last thing he wanted right now was to push Emberlynn even further away. But he had to do something, didn’t he? Those short and awkward phone calls just weren’t enough anymore. He needed to talk to her. In person.

“So… What do you guys think?” He asked softly, his eyes flicking between his brother and best friend as he broke his silence. “Should I do it?”

“You’re asking the wrong person.” Jasper replied with a laugh. “You’re talking to the guy who once hopped on a trans-Atlantic flight just to try and win his ex back… remember?”

Tam’s smile widened at his husband’s words. “But in your defense, that worked out pretty well, didn’t it?”

Phoenix sighed. Normally he would have appreciated their playful teasing… but not this time. “Guys, come on. I’m serious. I can’t fuck this up even more. I’ve gotta figure out if this is the right thing, or… Or I don’t know.” He shrugged helplessly.

Even over a month later, Phoenix still wasn’t feeling like himself again. He felt like a scared and lost little kid, with no idea what to do. How had his life fallen apart so spectacularly in such a short space of time? The only two women he had ever loved had completely destroyed him with over two decades of lies. It was almost too much for him to take.

His brother allowed his smile to fade, and took the question more seriously this time. “It’s hard, you know? Showing up out of the blue like that, it might piss her off. And I know you don’t want that…” Jasper paused for a moment. “But I also know you’re getting pretty desperate.”

Phoenix nodded sadly. “It’s been almost two months. You guys know me — I’ve always been that ‘let them come to you’ type of parent, haven’t I?”

They both nodded.

“But this is different.” He insisted.

“It is.” Tam agreed. “And I think it’ll be okay to try it. Show up, make the best persuasion and diplomacy rolls you can… But if she asks you to leave or doesn’t wanna talk, you can’t push it, Phee. You’re gonna have to give her more time.”

Phoenix hung his head for a moment. They were right. He knew Emberlynn, and he knew that pushing would totally backfire on him. All he could do was show up and see if she would give him a chance. And if she didn’t…

“I know. I won’t push it, I swear. I just need to see her. Even if she won’t talk to me, I just… I need to see her face, y’know?” His voice was suddenly thick.

Tam wrapped his arm comfortingly around his friend. On Phoenix’s other side, Jasper reached out to clap his hand gently over his brother’s shoulder. “We know.” Jasper assured him softly. “It’s okay.”

Tam and Jasper held him for a few more moments, saying nothing. Phoenix wished he had the words to explain to them how much their love and support meant to him.

“God, I’m sorry.” Phoenix paused to clear his throat and blink back his tears before continuing, his brother and friend finally releasing him from their embrace. “But I appreciate you guys still putting up with me. I keep telling myself I’m gonna stop coming over here and unloading all my shit on you… And then here I am again.” He forced a small laugh.

“Don’t apologize.” Tam replied seriously. “How many times have you been there for us over the years?”

“Too many to count.” Jasper answered for him. “We love you, Phoenix. You can always come to us about anything.”

“Thanks. I love you guys too.” Phoenix smiled softly as he spoke. “And I’m glad I have somebody I can talk to about all this.” He confessed. Over the years, he’d become so used to having others talking to him about their problems that he’d almost forgotten how cathartic it could be for things to be the other way around.

Phoenix did not miss the look that Tam and Jasper shared at his words.

“Uh, speaking of that…” His best friend began uncertainly. “Are you ‘talking’ to anybody else right now? Because Jas and I have been thinking that it might not be such a bad idea…”

“Not yet, but I have an appointment next week.” He replied, unashamed of the fact that he was finally seeking therapy. “Trust me, I know I’m not gonna be able to get through this alone.”

The other two both nodded in approval. “And… what about Gigi?” Jasper looked almost apologetic as he spoke. Both he and Tam had been so careful not to mention her whenever Phoenix came to visit. “Have you finally talked to her yet?”

Phoenix shook his head, trying to hide his discomfort at hearing his wife’s name. Beyond telling her he wanted a divorce (something to which she thankfully agreed), the two of them had barely said more than two words to each other in weeks.

“Still?” Tam asked in disbelief.

His friend sighed heavily. He’d known this conversation would come up eventually; it already had countless times with both sets of his parents. “I know what you guys are thinking. I’m usually the first person to say we should all hold hands and sing Kumbaya, right?” He asked sarcastically. “But this is different. This just… can’t be fixed. There’s literally nothing that can change this, or make it better. So what the hell would it accomplish if I talked to her?” Phoenix felt himself growing frustrated the more that he spoke. “All it would do is hurt me even more. And trust me, I’ve felt enough pain over the last two months to last me the rest of my life.”

“We’re not saying you can fix anything.” Jasper insisted. “What she did was terrible. Nothing can ever change that… But Phoenix, she’s dying for the chance to talk to you. And I think it couldn’t hurt if you just… listened?”

“Yeah Phee, we know there’s nothing that can really make this better. But I think you both need…” Tam seemed to be struggling for a moment to find the right word. “Closure.”

“Closure?”

Tam nodded. “Remember how much it killed us when Purple Kraken Studios shut down? And they never finished the last Galaxy Quest game?”

Phoenix nodded.

“The series had been going downhill for years. We knew that last game was gonna suck. We knew we’d hate how it ended… But we still wanted closure, didn’t we? None of us wanted them to leave everything hanging…”

Jasper nodded approvingly at his husband’s words. “Tam’s right. You already know it’s gonna suck no matter what. But you can’t just leave things with Gigi like that. You need to talk it out.”

Phoenix did not immediately reply. Much as he hated to admit it, they had a point, didn’t they? What if he’d had a client going through what he was going through himself right now? Wouldn’t he tell them exactly the same thing? He needed to find some way to move forward from all this. But he couldn’t right now. Not while things were left hanging like this.

“Goddamn it.” At last, he broke his silence. “I hate it when you guys are right.”

“How many times do I have to keep telling, you Phee?” Tam teased. “My wisdom modifier is insane.”

—————————————-

As he’d predicted, Phoenix found Gigi downstairs in the office. She was browsing through real estate listings when he gave a gentle tap on the doorframe.

Gigi looked up at him and rose to her feet, clearly surprised by her husband’s arrival.

“Sorry to interrupt.” Phoenix said awkwardly, still lingering by the doorway. “I wasn’t sure if you’d be busy.”

“It’s okay.” She replied. “I was getting ready to take a break anyway. Been at it all afternoon.”

“Yeah…” He paused for a moment. “Um… I just was wondering if we could talk, maybe? Just for a minute?”

Gigi eyed him skeptically. “Phoenix, you’ve been avoiding me for weeks and now you wanna talk?”

Phoenix felt himself losing his cool already. “You’ve gotta be kidding me! I finally try to talk to you, and you’re gonna push me away and get all pissy about it?!”

“I’m not ‘pushing you away’!” Gigi insisted. “I’m just surprised, that’s all!”

Her husband held his face in one of his hands for a moment, trying to calm himself. In just a few moments’ time, he’d already been reminded of why he’d been avoiding Gigi for the past several weeks. He was still just so angry. Probably more angry than he’d ever felt in his life. Shit. This was a terrible idea, wasn’t it? So much for Tam’s ‘wisdom’… But he still had to try, didn’t he?

“Fine. Just… let’s go sit down or something. Okay?”

Gigi nodded and followed him out toward the big purple couch.

Phoenix let out a sigh as he took a seat beside the woman who had lied to him for the past two decades. It was so hard to even look at her. Alright, let’s try again. He told himself, trying so hard to remind himself of the communication skills he’d learned over the years, or of the methods he’d so often taught to his own clients… But it was all in vain right now.

“So, um… Looks like house-hunting is going okay?” He asked awkwardly.

Beside him, Gigi shrugged. “I’m trying. Most of the places I’m finding are too big for just one person.” She explained sadly. “And it’s just… hard.” She paused for a moment before continuing, a few tears glistening at the corners of her eyes. “It’s not easy. This house has been my home for such a long time…”

Her words did nothing but ignite his previous anger. “Are you seriously trying to throw yourself a fucking pity party right now?!” Phoenix spat at her. “This is your fault, Gigi! You’re the one who did this to yourself! So don’t you try and give me some stupid guilt trip!”

“I’m not!” Gigi cried. “But you know what? I’m done. You told me you wanted to talk, and now you’re jumping down my throat at every single thing I say!”

“What do you expect?! After what you did… God…” Despite his best efforts, Phoenix felt himself beginning to cry. This whole thing had completely broken him. Fuck. I wasn’t ready for this. He realized. Maybe after a few appointments with his therapist he would be… But not yet.

But before he could lift himself from the couch, Gigi had begun speaking again. “Phoenix, please. Please listen to me, okay?” Her anger from a few moments ago seemed to have been replaced with desperation. “I know I’ve been a shitty wife to you for a long, long time. After everything that happened in Brindleton Bay… It changed everything. We brought too many demons back here with us. They’ve been haunting me for years. Eating away at me. Making me blame you for things. Resent you. Even hate you, sometimes…” She admitted guiltily. Phoenix could tell that she’d prepared her words very carefully, maybe even rehearsed them during the weeks he’d been avoiding her. “You’ve felt it too, haven’t you?”

Phoenix nodded slowly. The hateful feelings she’d been describing, the demons that had been following her… It was exactly the same as what he’d been dealing with for the past two decades of his life. But he’d suffered through it all for the sake of staying a family for their children… One of whom was never even his to begin with.

Gigi took a breath before continuing. “It was never fair for me to take my own guilt and and anger out on you. I know that. But I need you to know that no matter how fucked up things got or how awful or angry I was… I never, never wanted to hurt you like this. Never, Phoenix. You have to believe me. I know you never deserved this. This isn’t what I wanted.” She’d begun to cry yet again.

“Then why did you do it?” He asked softly. “Why did you lie?”

“Because I was selfish and afraid.” She admitted. “I was terrified of being alone. But most of all, I was terrified for Emberlynn. I didn’t want to raise my baby on my own. I wanted her to grow up with a father who would love her and take care of her. And… and the other guy…” Gigi awkwardly stumbled over those words before continuing. “He wouldn’t have wanted her. It had to be you. You couldn’t leave me, Phoenix. And I knew if I told you the truth, you would have.”

Phoenix shook his head. “You don’t know that. You can’t know what I would’ve done… Hell, Gigi, even I didn’t know! But you made it so I didn’t even have a choice!”

“Exactly.” She replied, her voice strangely calm. “You just said it yourself. You didn’t have a choice. I switched the real results with fake ones so you wouldn’t.”

Even though he already knew the truth, hearing Gigi say it again still cut him like a knife. “Well, you got what you wanted.” Phoenix’s voice shook as he spoke. “You suckered me into staying with you for twenty-three fucking years. All because of a lie!”

“I did.” She agreed. “And I swear to God, Phoenix, I will spend the rest of my life feeling terrible for how much pain this all caused you.” Gigi paused, as though steeling herself for something. “But I’ll never regret doing it. I’d go back and do it again a thousand times if I could.”

“What the fuck did you just say?!” He felt himself becoming unhinged yet again at her words. She was insane! How could she give him that giant speech about not wanting to hurt him, just to turn around and say she didn’t regret what she’d done?!

“You heard me.” Gigi replied. “I don’t regret it, and I’d do it again… Phoenix, think about it. What would have happened if I told you the truth? Lola would have been honest about her baby then, wouldn’t she? So… if you knew about Xander all those years ago, and you knew that Emberlynn wasn’t yours… What would you have done?”

Fuck. Phoenix now knew exactly where she was going with this. “You can’t ask me that.” He replied softly. “You know it’s not fair.”

“You would’ve stayed with Lola.” Gigi pressed on, answering for him. “You would have been Xander’s Papa, not Emberlynn’s. And Tristan… He would never even have been born!” She’d started crying again as these words passed her lips. “We wouldn’t have our son. And Emberlynn would have missed out on having the most loving and amazing father in the world…” Gigi paused to take a slow, trembling breath. “So no, Phoenix. I don’t regret it.”

Phoenix said nothing. It was absolutely killing him to realize that she was right — if she’d told him the truth, his entire life as he knew it would have been different. His smart, caring, and amazing son would never even have existed. And Emberlynn… How could he even begin to imagine a world where he wasn’t her father?

Unfortunately, these thoughts did nothing but make him even angrier.

“Oh, so I’m supposed to be thanking you, then? Is that what you’re saying?” He snapped.

“Of course not!” Gigi replied back, just as angrily. “I just wanted you to understand how complicated this whole thing is for me. Telling you that lie all those years ago… It was both the best and the worst thing I’ve ever done in my life. It took me years to get over how guilty I felt every time I saw the two of you together. It ate me up inside knowing I couldn’t tell you the truth…”

“Yeah, well now I’m the one who gets to suffer every time I look at her!” Phoenix cried back. “I love her so fucking much, and she isn’t even mine!”

His wife shook her head. “Will you please stop saying that?! Who the hell cares about some stupid DNA test? She’s yours in every way that matters, and you know that.” Gigi paused to let out a soft sigh as her anger seemed to give way to sorrow. “Emberlynn still loves you. And she’s still your daughter… I’m the one who’s lost her, Phoenix. Not you.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Phoenix narrowed his eyes angrily at her. “What, so now I’m supposed to feel sorry for you too?! Gratitude, or pity? Which is it, Gigi?”

“God! Won’t you just fucking listen?!” She cried. “I don’t want pity or sympathy or thanks. I don’t want anything from you, Phoenix. I’ve taken enough from you already. Don’t think I don’t know that.” Gigi continued, her voice calmer now. “But trust me, I’m paying the price for it now. I’m losing my home, my husband… And both of my children too. You’ve seen the way Tristan looks at me now… And Emberlynn…” She closed her eyes and choked back a small sob on her daughter’s name. “You heard what she said. She never wants to talk to me again. She hates me.”

At the sound of these words and the sight of his wife’s tear-stained face, Phoenix felt something inside of him change. Somehow, despite everything, he found himself feeling exactly what he’d tried so hard not to — Pity for Gigi.

He was so angry at himself for letting himself feel this way. Was this another one of her stupid manipulative tricks, he wondered bitterly? Was this part of her grand scheme?

But Phoenix realized then that it didn’t really matter. Maybe this was what she wanted, maybe it wasn’t. No matter how much she had hurt him or how much he now hated her, he still knew that it wasn’t right for Tristan and Emberlynn to hate their mother so much.

Gigi had often failed at being loving, supportive, and compassionate in their marriage, but she was all that and more to their children. She loved them completely, just like he did. Even now, Phoenix could still admit that Gigi had always been a wonderful mother.

Which was exactly why, despite everything, he’d been fighting so hard to get Emberlynn to talk to her again.

The silence in the room was broken only by Gigi’s soft sobs and sniffles, until Phoenix finally found his voice once more. “There’s a train that leaves for Paris at six-thirty tomorrow morning.” He explained softly. “I plan to be on it… And I think you should be too.”

“What?”

“I’m going to talk to Emberlynn, and so should you. I’ve been begging her to talk to you for weeks, and she wouldn’t listen. But… Maybe if she sees you, she will.”

Gigi finally raised her eyes to meet his. “You’ve been telling her to talk to me?” She asked hopefully.

Phoenix nodded.

“But… why? After everything I did….”

“Because I know how much you love her.” He replied, shrugging. For a moment, he allowed his voice and expression to soften slightly. “And how much she loves you too. She can’t shut you out like this. You’re her mother.”

Gigi began crying softly once more at his words. “Thank you.” She replied in a whisper. “You don’t know how much that means to me.”

“Yeah, well… Don’t thank me yet.” Phoenix replied uncomfortably. “I wanna head in alone first, feel things out a little, and then, if she seems ready, well… We’ll see.” He shrugged. “But I can’t promise anything.”

“I know. But I still appreciate it.” Gigi gave him a small smile through her tears. “You’re a good man, Phoenix. You always have been.”

Phoenix said nothing, but gave her a small nod before rising to his feet. There was nothing more to be said. Not yet, anyway. He still wasn’t calm enough to say all the things he really needed to, but at least this was a step.

As he turned back to look down at his wife, Phoenix was surprised to find his heart overflowing with an overwhelming sense of loss and sorrow. In that moment, it truly hit him that this was the end for both of them. Their lives together had been filled with so much pain and hatred and lies, but there’d been a lot of love too. Moments of beauty and goodness mixed in with the bad.

Gigi was the first woman he’d ever loved. They’d been together for nearly thirty years, married for over twenty… And now, just like that, it was all over.

As much as he knew it shouldn’t, that thought was enough to break his heart even more.

“Phoenix.” Gigi’s soft voice called him back to the present. “I’m sorry. For everything. I really, truly am.”

“I know.” Phoenix nodded slowly as he turned away from her. “So am I.”

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Note: Phoenix was one of my top favorite heirs, and this will be the last time we ever see his point of view. I feel awful for putting him through so much misery, but I really really loved him and loved writing him. I’ll miss you, Phee, and I’m sorry I hurt you so much ❤