SMU WEEK: INSERT JOKE ABOUT CRAIG JAMES HERE

UNINFORMED SMACK ::

I know I couched this column as a weekly grab bag of uninformed smack talk, but I find myself at a crossroads. I have a lot of love for Southern Methodist University having grown up in Dallas and actually attended grad school there in 2009. Now, that love is only reserved for the faculty and my classmates, and the undergraduate population is something I can only speak tangentially on. That's also never stopped me before. For a school that used to be a national powerhouse, the decades since SMU was thrown into football's gas chamber have lowered the student body's collective football IQ to that of an Eastern European supermodel. "Ball is kick and then boys smash faces, no? You have cocaine?" Whatever, Svetlana. Stop interrupting me.

My first real SMU experience occurred back in 2006 when I was interviewing with the admissions department for...well, admission. I found myself walking the campus and stumbled upon something that I thought only existed in the mythos of frat comedies: the massively entitled sorority girl. Outside the Law Library, a girl between 18-20 was standing (arms folded, one knee locked, the other bent with a hip jutted out to the side. Pout-face is strong, but also angry) across from a meter maid who had booted this poor, innocent girl's brand new BMW 3-series.

The sorority girl was adamant that the woman "didn't know what she was doing" or "who exactly she was doing it to" and that "her father is going to be very upset and she could lose her job." Now, the girl made the worst argument in the history of man, but at SMU you never know whose little princess you might be offending. I thought at the very least the meter maid would talk back and engage this girl in some conversation, but the woman was having none of this. Guys, there isn't an instrument sensitive enough to measure the shit this meter maid didn't give about the little girl's problem. It was...refreshing.

SMU is asking their students to white out Ford Stadium this weekend, so I'll tell you exactly what's going to happen on the Boulevard this weekend lest you think SMU is going to pull this off. A bunch of frat and sorority girls dressed for a night clubbing in Miami will file into Ford Stadium and be incredibly enthusiastic...for about 10 minutes. Then, they'll get bored and realize that they have all the booze they can handle just outside. Ags, if you don't have a ticket, hang around. You'll be able to snag some drunk student's ticket before halftime. Ford Stadium should look like Baylor did when the Aggies played in Waco. Maroon that sucker out. Also, your best pickup line this weekend is "I have a room at the Ritz, let's go check out the bar." Have fun, use a fake name. I suggest "Craig James."

Prediction: Ags: 57 - Ponies 21

Aggies get Gangnam Style all over the Boulevard.