That would be a good alternative headline for this CNN news report.

If not for the Bible, the bullets would have gone right through his heart. A public transit bus driver in Dayton, Ohio, was attacked by three teenagers early Monday morning after his bus broke down on the side of the road, police told CNN affiliate WHIO. Rickey Wagoner, 49, was shot three times at point-blank range and stabbed in the arm, but survived because both bullets aimed at his chest were stopped by a New Testament devotional bible in his front pocket, according to WHIO. The third bullet struck him in the leg.

If I worked for the Onion or Funny or Die, I’d love stories like this. I’d write pieces about Christians waddling in the streets decked out in full-body Bible armor, and wearing Scripture Helmets™, of course.

In fact, no need for other satirical crews to do this. How about we set up a website, fake-selling it all? Kinda like Pet Rapture, maybe. I’ll pay for a suitable URL, we’ll brainstorm the content, then get to work. Should be fun. Expert Photoshoppers and top-notch web designers welcome. Interested? E-mail me.



