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Satire

Republicans were outraged Monday by two-year-old remarks of Democratic Senate Majority leader Harry Reid about the electability of Barack Obama, in which Reid (an early Obama supporter) spoke of Obama’s light skin color and his lack of “Negro dialect.” The GOP, they said, would never apply such superficial criteria to the choice of high African-American officials.

Nor would the GOP ever use an outmoded term such as “Negro,” except in that beloved Christmas spiritual, “Barack the Magic Negro.“

Meanwhile, Liz Cheney urged her party to unite behind rapper 50 Cent for the GOP presidential candidate in 2012. “That will teach Reid a lesson,” she said, noting that gangsta rap is about guns, wearing big crosses, distrust of government, entrepreneurship, rejection of science and elite education, over-dressing, torturing your enemy, occasionally shooting your friends, and upholding old-time patriarchy. “I’m not accusing Mr. Cent of any of these things, mind you. Let’s face it, Tupac and Notorious B.I.G aren’t here any more, but maybe we can hearken back to them.” Plus, she noted, singing along with gangsta rap lyrics makes it possible to go way beyond just saying “Negro” the way Saltsman and Reid did. “That will be a relief for a lot of members of our party,” she acknowledged.

“You can’t accuse gangsta rap of being anything lite,” she noted. “Nobody in my family has ever been able to understand a word they say–but we like the values, especially the guns and shooting and torturing people.” Embracing this subculture, she asserted, would help the Republican Party get back to its core values. Moreover, she said, the Republican Party could reinvigorate gangsta rap, which many say is dead–killed by the opulence the big payouts by recording companies made possible. “Did you see what we did to Baghdad and Saddam? Nobody is better at gang wars and busting caps in people’s asses than we are. We’re proof that rich people don’t have to be soft or nice.” Asked about a possible running mate for 50, she just smiled coyly.

GOP: 50-Cheney in 2012

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