What is Attachment Parenting Australia (APA)?

Attachment Parenting Australia (APA) is a non-profit association that aims to provide information and support for parents interested in or practising attachment parenting. It also aims to provide information about attachment parenting for health professionals and researchers.

The APA website provides information about attachment parenting; attachment parenting support groups within Australia; online discussion groups within Australia and beyond; links to useful websites; a list of useful books, publications and research articles.

On this page you will find answers to the following questions:

Attachment parenting (also called “natural parenting” or “instinctive parenting”) is an approach to parenting that has been practised widely for thousands of years. There has recently been a renewed interest in this approach to parenting in Western societies. Attachment parenting is based on the principle of understanding a child’s emotional and physical needs and responding sensitively to these needs. The focus of attachment parenting is on building a strong relationship between parents and child.

A strong and trusting relationship with your child can be developed by following your intuition; responding to your baby’s cries; “demand” breastfeeding for an extended period; carrying or “wearing” your baby; using gentle ways to help your baby sleep; co-sleeping with your baby and minimising separation from your baby during the first few years.

However, attachment parenting is not a set of rules and does not necessarily mean following all of the above. These practises simply help to develop a close, empathic relationship with your child in order to better understand your child’s needs and feelings. Children are not seen as manipulators who must be controlled. Attachment parenting extends beyond the early infant period and involves a life-long desire to know your child and to parent in an understanding and nurturing way.

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Attachment parenting:

fosters a strong and trusting relationship with your child.

increases your joy in the experience of parenting

helps your child to become confident in themselves and able to form good relationships with others.

develops your child’s sensitivity towards themselves and others. Children learn empathy and caring from parents who show empathy and caring.

improves your child’s physical and intellectual development. Many aspects of attachment parenting such as breastfeeding; close physical contact and affection; and nurturing sleep practices have been shown to improve a child’s physical and intellectual development.

makes discipline easier. Children that have a strong relationship with their parents are more easily disciplined because they trust what their parents say and want to please them.

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Following your intuition.

Follow your intuition rather than a strict set of rules about when to breastfeed or when to respond to a cry.

Learning to read and respond to your baby’s cries and “cues”.

Responding sensitively to your baby's cries and cues builds trust between babies and their parents. The more parents respond to their baby the more they learn about how to respond and the better the baby becomes at communicating her needs.



For more information about responding to your baby’s cries and cues go to: http://www.askdrsears.com.

Breastfeeding your baby for an extended period without schedule feeding (that is, extended breastfeeding “on demand”).



Breastfeeding helps you get to know your baby, provides the best nutrition for your baby, provides comfort for your baby, and creates a loving and nurturing bond between mother and baby. The Australian Breastfeeding Association (ABA) recommends that babies are breastfeed exclusively for six months, with continuing breastfeeding for 2 years and beyond. For many mothers the experience of breastfeeding is not easy at first. Mothers who are not able to breastfeed can practise attachment parenting by holding their baby when feeding and feeding “on demand”.



For more information and support about breastfeeding go to the Australian Breastfeeding Association (ABA).



Using gentle ways to help your baby sleep.

Night-time parenting or responding to your baby’s needs at night is as important as your day-time parenting. Babies need to be “parented to sleep”, not just put to sleep. Some babies can be put down while drowsy yet still awake and drift. Other babies need parental help by being held and rocked or breastfed to sleep. Attachment parenting does not involve leaving your baby to cry alone in order to teach your baby how to “self-settle”.



For more information about gentle ways to teach your baby how to sleep see our links and our list of useful books and publications



Co-sleeping with your baby (that is, your baby sleeps in your bed or in your bedroom close to your bed).

Sleeping close to your baby creates a secure and nurturing environment for your baby. This reduces your baby’s anxiety about separation from you. It also means that you can respond more quickly to your baby’s needs and minimise sleep disruption for you and your baby. Co-sleeping helps you get to know your baby. It also assists breastfeeding and helps you to develop a strong bond with your baby. It is common for babies to co-sleep with their parents for the first few years of their life. Babies who co-sleep with their parents do not have a higher risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) or “cot-death”. In fact, co-sleeping reduces the risk of SIDS.



For more information about SIDS and how to co-sleep safely with your baby go to Attachment Parenting International (API).



Wearing your baby close to you, such as, in a sling or backpack.

Carrying or “wearing” your baby creates a safe and loving environment for your aby and fulfills his need for close physical contact. Babies cry less when worn or being held. Carrying or wearing your baby also helps you get to know your baby because your baby is so close to you.

See our links to for more information about slings and backpacks.



Minimising time away from your baby during the first few years of your baby’s life.

A strong bond is developed between a mother and her baby. Being together most of the time, helps develop this bond and helps support “demand” breastfeeding. With time, the mother understands more about her baby and her confidence in responding to her baby’s needs grows. Most babies will want their mothers quite frequently. This means that it may be difficult for a mother to be more than a few minutes away in the early period, which may include the whole of the first year of her baby’s life. Minimising the time you spend away from your baby in the early period will make breastfeeding easier and strengthening your attachment with your baby.

With time, the baby becomes less dependent on the mother and the baby’s needs will be fulfilled by other people the baby is strongly attached to, such as, the baby’s father or a grandparent.

Many aspects of attachment parenting are easier if a mother remains at home for the first few years of her baby’s life. However, for many women this situation may not be possible or desired. A mother can still practise attachment parenting and go back to work.

For more information about attachment parenting and returning to work see How can a mother return to work and practise attachment parenting?

Finding balance in your family life.

The early years in your baby’s life are the most intense and demanding for a family. However, it is possible to find a balance it which the needs of other family members are met without compromising the needs of your baby. You can still maintain a close relationship with your partner and your baby, especially if both parents nurture an attachment with the baby. Being mutually attached with their baby can bring the parents closer together. Communicating well with your partner and finding creative solutions to satisfying the needs of all family members will help to create balance in your family life.

Unrealistic expectations can also create stress in families. Parents, particularly with their first baby, may hold unrealistic expectations about their lifestyle; what they can achieve day-to-day; how much time they need with their partners without their child, and how much time they need to themselves without their child. Having realistic expectations and goals helps create balance with the inevitable change in your life. There is some loss but so much is to be gained through the joy of parenting. Try to focus on how important the nurturing and love you give your baby is and remember that this demanding period will pass.

The early years in your baby’s life are the most intense and demanding. The time when you carry your baby, breastfeed, and sleep with your baby in your bed lasts relatively a very short time. However, the love and nurturing your baby receives last her whole lifetime and will help to create a happier world.

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Developing the father’s relationship with his child - During the early infant period the child is dependent on his mother for lots of his needs. During this period, fathers have an important nurturing and supportive role. After this period, the child gradually become less dependent on his mother, and the father will be able to fulfil more of his needs.

- During the early infant period the child is dependent on his mother for lots of his needs. During this period, fathers have an important nurturing and supportive role. After this period, the child gradually become less dependent on his mother, and the father will be able to fulfil more of his needs. Developing good communication with your child - Listen to your child and help her learn to express her feelings.

- Listen to your child and help her learn to express her feelings. Keeping your expectations of your child appropriate to his development and understanding.

to his development and understanding. Maintaining an affectionate relationship with your child appropriate to her wishes.

appropriate to her wishes. Developing positive sleep practices - Young children often go to sleep more willingly and have less anxiety about sleep when their parents lie down with them in their bed until they go to sleep. This is common until school age. Older children may also enjoy some time to discuss their day before going to sleep.

- Young children often go to sleep more willingly and have less anxiety about sleep when their parents lie down with them in their bed until they go to sleep. This is common until school age. Older children may also enjoy some time to discuss their day before going to sleep. Spending as much time as possible with your children.

Using positive discipline - Explain to your child the natural consequence of his behaviour rather than using punishments. For more information about positive discipline see our links and list of useful books and publications.

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The attachment parenting approach to parenting has been practised for thousands of years. It is common in non-Western societies. There has recently been a renewed interest in this approach in Western societies.

Many people practicing attachment parenting have not heard of the terms “attachment parenting” or “natural parenting” but have followed their intuition about how to sensitively respond to their child’s needs.

Attachment parenting is not a strict set of rules. Parents may find some aspects of attachment parenting more suitable than other aspects of attachment parenting.

Parents who practise an attachment parenting approach come from diverse backgrounds in terms of their financial situations, level of education, political views and ethnic backgrounds. People parenting in this way also have different family situations, for example, sole parent families, extended families, lesbian families, mothers that do not work during the child’s early years and mothers who do work.

People practising this approach also have had a range of positive and negative childhood experiences. Parents who were not adequately nurtured in childhood may practise this approach out of an awareness of the negative impact of a lack of nurturing. Likewise, parents who were well nurtured in childhood may practise this approach out of an awareness of the positive impact of positive childhood experiences.

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Mothers may return to work for various reasons, including:

financial reasons, for example, if there is partner unable to work; if their partner is unable to work enough hours to meet expenses; if they do not have a partner; or if two incomes are needed to meet expenses

their interest in work

a concern about losing their work skills

wanting support and friendship from colleagues/workmates

a lack of support and friendships at home

their under-valuing of the importance of parenting as compared to paid work

Many aspects of attachment parenting are easier, for example, breastfeeding ‘on demand’, if a mother remains at home for the first few years of her child’s life. However, a mother can still practise attachment parenting and go back to work. An attachment parenting approach is especially beneficial to mothers who return to work in the first few years of their child’s life. Aspects of attachment parenting such as breastfeeding her baby after work, carrying or “wearing” her baby, co-sleeping with her baby and responding sensitively to her baby’s cries can help a mother to re-connect to her baby after a workday.

Your child’s father or a grandparent may be able to care for your child while you are at work. Having a person that your child is strongly attached to will help create a secure and nurturing environment for your child and will reduce separation anxiety for your child. The child’s father or grandparent should also try to practise an attachment parenting approach to caring for your child, for example, feeding your baby without schedules; using gentle ways to put your baby to sleep; responding sensitively to your baby’s cries and carrying or “wearing” your baby.

The following are some suggestions for mothers about returning to work:

It may be possible for you to bring your baby to work with you. This will make breastfeeding easier and minimise your baby’s separation from you. You may also be able to carry your baby in a sling while you work.

It is possible to continue breastfeeding and return to work by expressing breast milk. For more information about expressing breast milk and returning to work go to the Australian Breastfeeding Association (ABA).

The person who cares for your baby while you are working may be able to bring your baby to visit you during the day. This can create an opportunity for breastfeeding and a time to re-connect with your baby.

If possible try working part-time- either with shorter days or fewer shifts a week.

Having a child may be present an opportunity to change the type of work you have done previously to better accommodate the needs of your child. For example, some mothers may start their own business from home or use the first few years of their child’s life to study.

It may be possible to live off one income, or an income derived from both parents working part-time, by living more simply. Attachment parenting support groups can be a great source of information about how to work less and live more simply, also known as “downshifting”. See our list of attachment parenting support groups.

If isolation at home is involved in a mother’s decision to return to work, attachment parenting support groups can provide not only an opportunity to meet with other parents to discuss parenting issues but can provide friendships with other parents and children. See our list of attachment parenting support groups.

For more information about returning to work see our links and our list of useful books and publications .

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Although an attachment parenting approach is becoming more popular in Western societies, most parents’ approach to parenting in Western societies is less child-centred. Because attachment parenting is not as frequently practised as other approaches, some aspects of attachment parenting are not well understood and can be challenging for some people. The following are common misconceptions about attachment parenting. Each misconception is linked to useful information which may assist parents in communicating to others about attachment parenting:

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Every parent tries to do the best he or she can to love her child. It can be very difficult for any parent to be criticised about his or her parenting practice. It is important not to criticise others about their parenting. The following are suggestions about how to deal with criticisms of your parenting:

Try to focus on how important your parenting approach is to you. Remind yourself that nurturing your child will help to create a happier child and a happier world. See What are the benefits of attachment parenting?

Surround yourself as much as possible with friends and family who value what you are doing. Parents practising attachment parenting may also be a great source of information about how to deal with criticisms about parenting. See our list of attachment parenting support groups and attachment parenting online discussion groups.

It may be helpful to explain to the people who are criticising your parenting the reasons why you are doing certain things to help them to understand.

In some circumstances, explaining to people about the reasons why you are doing certain things can make you feel more vulnerable and stressed. It may be better to simply say “it works for us”.

Robin Grille has written an interesting article about this kind of criticism.

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Attachment Parenting International (API) is a non-profit member organization whose members network with parents, professionals and members of other like-minded organisations around the world. In addition to providing assistance in forming attachment parenting support groups, API develops and provides educational materials, research information, consultative, referral and speaker services to

promote attachment parenting.

API promotes The Eight Principles of Attachment Parenting. Recognizing that every family is unique, these ideals are guidelines to help parents understand their child’s needs to develop a secure attachment.

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