Shut it the fuck down.

Right now. Shut. It. The. Fuck. Down.

This is not a drill.

I’ve never understood poetry until right now, but I think I get it. My newfound appreciation of poetry aside, I repeat, without hyperbole, that this is not a drill. We’ve had this tidal wave called Conoravirus headed directly toward us for the past three months, and up until the past couple days we’ve done absolutely fuck-all to prepare for it.

And now that wave is crashing down. And yet, I get to my parking lot this morning and it’s as full as it ever was (I originally wrote this yesterday and don’t feel like updating. Just go with it.). A building full of older employees sitting around sending emails to one-another. And I sat there in my car, too afraid to go in, thinking about that sniffling dude I saw in the bathroom the other day and what he’s touched and who he’s breathed on since then.

My office-on-wheels for the first three hours of the day

Sure, people grabbed an extra case of water at Costco last weekend and have maybe been extra diligent about washing their hands, however by and large we’ve dismissed this as nothing more than the latest political scandal with no drastic measures necessary.

People look at China and say “see, they’re already getting over it. This, too, shall pass” not realizing the draconian shit China had to implement to make that happen. And even with forced lockdown, a measure I never expect most of the world to be willing to take, it’s still far from over in China.

And that we do need to take drastic measures to avoid what is a certain catastrophe. Drastic measures we are nowhere close to taking. Instead, we’re sitting here watching smoke fill up in the house while we make plans for bingo night.

Is it, though?

One thing people don’t understand is that viruses don’t care whether it’s hot or cold. Viruses like the flu spread during the winter because everyone is indoors all day, spraying one-another with their germs. But because the flu isn’t as infectious as the Coronavirus, it dies out in the summer because people are outside more.

But Corona isn’t a little bitch virus. It doesn’t give a shit about you going outside. It’s going to keep spreading undeterred. And then it’ll still be here in the winter, when things will get much worse. And while rapid progress is happening on potential vaccines, we’re still many months away from testing, approval and mass manufacturing, all the while the Coronavirus continues wreaking havoc on civilization. And this is all before genetic mutation which, you know, is what these things do.

And right now we’re heading for the perfect storm: Spring Break and St. Patty’s Day. And while more significant measures have been taken recently (like finally “postponing” the MLB and NHL), there are plenty of people with incomplete pre-frontal cortexes (corteces?) ready to YOLO it up in Cancun, rubbing on every stranger they encounter for a week. Then they’re going to be released back into civilized society to further spread their germs since their Universities were smart enough to tell them to piss off and not return.

Shut it the fuck down.

So, like I said, drastic measures. As every minute passes, more drastic decisions are being made to take measures. Which is good…except nobody is prepared for these drastic measures.

So, besides washing our hands, what drastic measures can we take?

I. Shut yourself the fuck down

Know how people are always bitching about needing to go to kid’s birthday parties and shit? Well, great news! For us to minimize the impact here, this needs to be the summer where people didn’t leave their backyards. It’ll be great, we’ll have perfectly manicured yards and we’ll all get really good at Tetris again.

II. But don’t stop

At this point, most of us can live and work virtually. So, living a virtual life does not mean that you cannot live life. For your job, once you get over the initial learning curve, you’ll find yourself more productive than you’ve ever been. And, at home, what are some projects you’ve been putting off for years that have been staring you in the face? For me, I’m excited to pick up some mulch from Lowe’s and get some solid yard work done this weekend.

III. If you can’t stop

Unfortunately, there are many that just really can’t stop. Doctor’s, of course, are one. But delivery drivers are going to be massively important, like our Corona Batmans or something. So, those who can stop, get out of the way for those who can’t. And those who can’t, take extra care to sanitize yourself and avoid everyone outside of work like the plague. Because it just might become that.

IV. And if you must stop

Andrew Yang is right. We absolutely need Basic Income. Not another stupid fucking tax cut that is ultimately used by bankers to bet against ourselves. And while many physical industries must go on, there are going to be countless others like bars and restaurants that will and ought to be negatively impacted. And, as you would expect, there is no safety net to protect this predominantly middle-class population who is living paycheck-to-paycheck.

What the dynamic duo

Some may say that it is impossible to do anything about this. I say bullshit. Be loud. Demand change. Support the people who support what you want. And for the mostly free market, you know what to do — let’s start a Basic Income nonprofit fund to support those most significantly impacted by this.

V. Products

Markets are going to be made. New products services are going to be demanded. New ways to do old things will be required. Fortunes are actively being lost, but new one’s will be made. Just focus on solving, not compounding, the problems.

VI. Medical

Re-open shut down hospitals, retrofit factories where it’s possible, nationalize med students, and require older doctors connect with them virtually. Hospitals are going to quickly become 100% Corona infested, so it’s best to have the people least impacted by the virus to be the one’s on the front lines. Start cross-training staff now on how to deal with this rapidly approaching epidemic. And please, for the love of god, stop with all the optional procedures.

VII. Scientists

Anything we can crowd source for you all? Not really sure what you need, but we’re here to help.

VIII. China

This is World War III and, this time, China is going to be the United States. Love it or hate it, we live in a global economy. And, while there have certainly been significant negative side effects, there have been tremendous benefits. And right now appears to be the biggest opportunity to ever exist.