FADE IN:

INT. S.H.I.E.L.D. HEADQUARTERS - 1989

MICHAEL DOUGLAS storms in to confront JOHN SLATTERY, HAYLEY ATWELL, and MARTIN DONOVAN.

MICHAEL DOUGLAS

Hello you fucking assholes. You S.H.I.E.L.D.-tards have been abusing my

magical shrinking potion, somehow. Or maybe you will in the future,

I don't really know. The point is, you can't anymore. I'm taking it.

And I'm magically deleting all the records of it so no one can ever use it again.

JOHN SLATTERY

Slow the hell down there, Gordon Gecko. Heh, heh.

(pause)

Gecko? Ants? Huh?

(crickets)

(because, crickets? Ants? Get it?)

Anyway, look, you can't just hide this from the world! You can

shrink organic matter! That's a game-changer!

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MICHAEL DOUGLAS

Pfft, what possible applications could shrinking powers have?

HAYLEY ATWELL

Shipping and storage, for one. We could keep enough food to feed

Los Angeles in a manila envelope if we had your red shrinky juice. That's just

off the top of my head, and I'm going to develop Alzheimer's any minute now.

MICHAEL DOUGLAS

Screw you and the spinoff TV series you rode in on. I didn't invent this

shrinking formula just so it could fall into the wrong hands. Or any hands

for that matter. Science must never advance and everything should stay the same!



"Except for de-aging CG; no way I'm looking like Franken-Bridges from Tron: Legacy."

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(leaves)

MARTIN DONOVAN

(is evil)

(does fuck-all for rest of movie)