This week Evan Rachel Wood testified in front of Congress and detailed a harrowing account of sexual and physical abuse with an intimate partner. The heart-wrenching testimony was part of a push for more states to adopt the Sexual Assault Survivors’ Bill of Rights Act. Sitting among fellow activists against sexual violence, Wood courageously told the congressional committee, “I was not fine, and I am not fine.”

Thanks to the immense bravery of women who came forward during the #MeToo movement, we’re finally having clear conversations about rape and abuse, but this hasn’t always been the case. “The song ‘I Want to Kill You Like They Do in The Movies’ is about my fantasies,” Marilyn Manson told a Spin reporter in 2009. Responding to a question about his relationship with ex, Evan Rachel Wood, Manson continued, “I have fantasies every day about smashing her skull in with a sledgehammer.”

Wood and Manson met over a decade ago, when the Westworld actress was 18 and he was 18 years her senior. They were engaged in 2010 but broke up the following year. Some have speculated about who the abuser is that Wood describes in her testimony, including actress Patricia Arquette, who tweeted a link to the nine-year-old Spin interview, writing, “Why the hell was this OK?” Her fury echoes a sentiment many women have felt amid the #MeToo and Time’s Up movements: Thank God we’re talking about it now, but why didn’t anyone care about this about this before?

Speculations aside, Manson explicitly confessed to having violent fantasies toward Wood. He even describes a gruesome pattern of emotional abuse, pointing to Christmas Day in 2008, which he describes as a low point of their relationship: “Every time I called her that day—I called 158 times—I took a razor blade and I cut myself on my face or on my hands.” He continued, “I wanted to show her the pain she put me through. It was like, ‘I want you to physically see what you’ve done.’”

But back in 2009 nobody even batted an eyelash at these overt admissions of violence. People brushed it off as a part of Manson’s murderous image, with some outlets claiming Wood was “smart to break up” with Manson, designating him a “damaged dude,” rather than calling him exactly what he was admitting to being: an abuser. Other media outlets made blithe jokes like, “Anyone got a spare straight jacket?” There were no protections for Wood, little sympathy, and a shocking lack of actual concern for her safety.

But according to Wood’s testimony, the abusive experiences she described happened “a decade ago” and seem parallel to Manson’s admissions. She recounted “sick rituals” of “binding me up by my hands and feet to be mentally and physically tortured until my abuser felt I had proven my love for them.” The actress added, “In this moment, while I was tied up and being beaten and told unspeakable things, I truly felt like I could die. Not just because my abuser said to me, ‘I could kill you right now,’ but because in that moment I felt like I left my body and I was too afraid to run. He would find me.”

Manson’s erratic behavior isn’t just for show—in fact, he’s been accused of sexual misconduct before. In a series of tweets, actress Charlyne Yi said Manson “harassed just about every woman” on the set of House, asking her and other actresses if they were going to “scissor,” as well as calling her a “China man.”