Conflicting reports emerged yesterday as to the whereabouts of Spurs' enigmatic chairman Daniel Levy. He was reportedly meeting with Florentino Perez in Miami while simultaneously reviving discussion in Croatia over teenage target Alen Halilovic. Or is he in France wrapping up Etienne Capoue?

The truth is, the double-dealing swindler running Tottenham Hotspur is impossible to pin down. Nobody knows where or when he'll turn up next with a new signing in hand. Panic has swept through club owners across Europe, and they are demanding to know just where in the world is chairman Daniel Levy?

(Do it Tottapella!)

He robs clubs around the world, stealing players uninvited,

He'd be Lyon if he told you he paid full price to buy Lloris,

He barged into Belgium to get his man from Man United,

Tell me where in the world is Chairman Daniel Levy?



They were craven at the Cottage, when he gave Clint his redemption,

On the Red half of the Mersey, they were singing the blues,

He signed up Sigurdsson with AVB's immense dimension.

Tell me where in the world is Chairman Daniel Levy?



He'll go from Heathrow to Holland, Ryanair to Espana,

Miami to Makhachkala and back!



Well he'll ransack Dagestan before their fire sale gets colder,

He won't let Gareth bail even for a record fee

He made a mess of the Mestalla when he conquered Bobby Soldier,

Tell me where in the world is Chairman Daniel Levy?

Oh tell me where in the world?

Oh tell me where can he be?



Ooh, Croatia to Scotland, Milan via Amsterdam, Chelsea to Swansea, Southampton, Sunderland...!



Well he shocked the folks from Schalke with Instgrams of him and Holtby

He went big for Paulinho when he stole him from Brazil

He nabbed Nacer Chadli for less than half a Twente

Tell me where in the world is Tottenham's Daniel Levy?