Ten years after the devastating tsunami in southeast Asia, an Australian mum has been recounting the trauma she faced when she had to make an unimaginable decision: which of her two young sons to save when the wave hit.

Jillian Searle was on holiday in Phuket, Thailand, with her husband and boys - Lochie, who was five, and Blake, one.

"I saw all this water coming over the wall of the hotel. I just grabbed Lochie's hand and had Blake in my arms and started running away from the water," she told Sky News.

Some 8,000 people died on Thailand's coast that day - but of all the tales of survival, Jillian's is one of the most shocking.

Jillian's husband was in their hotel room and she and the boys were by the pool when the wave engulfed them. She knew they would all drown if she kept holding on to both her sons.


Image: Jillian Searle released her grip on her oldest son, Lochie

She had to make an impossible choice - which child to let go. She released her grip on Lochie, the oldest.

"A lot of guilt was going through my head. I was thinking what have I done? I did think how am I going to go on living with the fact that maybe I should have tried to keep hold of him.

'I Felt Like I Was Dead'

"I thought he probably will be dead somewhere and then I started having visions of bringing him home in a body bag and going into his room again and having to deal with all those horrible thoughts."

As the waters surged, Lochie was grabbed by a girl, but the relief for Jillian didn't last long when she realised the teenager hadn't been able to keep hold of him.

"I saw the girl … and she didn't have him. I thought 'Oh my god'. I just thought 'He's gone'."

'We Escaped As The Walls Collapsed'

But miraculously Lochie had survived. After being swept away he ended up clinging to a door frame for two hours before eventually being rescued.

Now 15, he lives with his mum and brother in Perth, western Australia, a happy, sports-loving teenager who still remembers the frightening experience he went through as a young boy.

When he learned later of the horrendous decision his mum had to make, he realised that she did the right thing.

'I Lost 50 Members Of My Family'

"When I knew she let go of me I thought that's all right, it's understandable," Lochie told Sky News.

"He [Blake] was younger, he would have had no chance of surviving but I was obviously older so I thought it was a kind of smart decision from mum."

Jillian still remembers the moment she realised the son she let go was alive.

'I Saw Dead Bodies In The Water'

"I just saw him and I could not believe that he was there and he was perfect and I was holding on to him. I just couldn't believe that I had him in front of me. It was like 'This isn't real'."

The Sophie's Choice Jillian Searle had to make has haunted her ever since, especially when Boxing Day comes around.

"I think about it pretty much all day and just think about other families that have lost people or may have had children the same age as mine and don't have their children at Christmas. So I guess a lot of thoughts go through my head on that particular day."

'It Turned Phi Phi Into A Canal'

Jillian says she is eternally grateful for the miracle delivered to them at Christmas a decade ago.

"Every Christmas and every birthday I just think you are so lucky because things could be so different. It just puts your life into perspective."