Hour of Devastation spoilers are coming fast and furious. Have you seen the new hotness?

So this card is broken, right? Formats from Standard to Legacy to Masques Block Constructed will never be the same. Countdown!!

#12—Sucks to be you, Aetherworks Marvel!

The days of Standard being terrorized by Aetherworks Marvel are finally over. You better get to six energy before this hits the table. It’s like how sometimes Affinity can equip a Cranial Plating before Stony Silence hits play, but usually the hate card means game over. Standard has no one mana instant green ways to remove this immediately, so we’re talking about a hard lock against energy decks. Thank The Scorpion God. I don’t know what else could be done to end the Marvel menace.

#11—That Snake Don’t Count No More

Again, the total lack of efficient answers to three-mana enchantments in Standard means Winding Constrictor has hissed her last. Walking Ballista and Verdurous Gearhulk have split town suddenly. We reached out to Archfiend of Ifnir but received no response.

#10—Leeches For All

No that’s not the Senate health care plan. Well, maybe it is. Who knows? What I do know is, Infect’s days at the top of the Modern metagame have come to an end. You can’t give poison counters, so how can you win? Inkmoth Nexus and Blighted Agent are on a break. Arcbound Ravager offered her condolences. Inky be like, “at least I still have flying!”

#9—Undying Love

Kitchen Finks used to get all the attention. But did you get the message? Going infinite isn’t just for Persist creatures anymore. Geralf’s Messenger is easy to cast—I’m sure that fun fellow will slot right into Collected Company combo decks.

#8—We Can Live Forever

What if you could give yourself poison counters as a drawback? Remember when MaRo almost killed Magic by printing an untapped dual land that gives you poison counters? I mean, remember when he thought about doing it, but stopped because that’s a horrible extra resource and even without abuse it would be too strong? Phyrexian Unlife already works with Melira and nobody plays them together, but this is a long list and nobody reads this crap anyway. Folgers Crystals: good to the last drop.

#7—A Good Mana is Hard to Find

For years, griefer Magic players have been searching for a way to ruin lives by changing the mana that their opponents’ lands produce. Reality Twist and Naked Singularity have languished in the unplayable bins because Cumulative Upkeep is a stupid mechanic. Age counters didn’t exist in the nineties, and with Solemnity they don’t exist anymore either. Reality Twist suffers from “weak to Island” syndrome, but at least now you have the option. Unlike before, when there was no card played heavily in any eternal format that changes mana color production from lands.

#6—The Ice Age Finally Thaws

Sure, everyone knows about the Cumulative Upkeep tricks. (That’s because I just told you.) But do you know about Land Cap? It got unbanned in Legacy a few years back. People went crazy for a while but nothing happened. But maybe there’s a use for dual lands that tap every turn starting on turn three. We’ll find out soon enough! Note that Land Cap dodges Naked Singularity, so they play well together.

#5—Never Play Ruinous Path

What’s the best sorcery version of Hero’s Downfall? Wake up, people. It’s obviously Never // Return.

#4—Rough Landing

What if there were a Legacy deck that already played Dark Depths and Glacial Chasm? What sort of monstrosity could that be? At least we have Wasteland to keep those horrible lands in check. Sure they can be recurred with Life from the Loam, but let’s be serious. Everyone’s maindecking four copies of Mudhole these days, so that’s not going to work.

#3—Chalices Just Got Cheaper

I mean, how can you put Chalice of the Void in your deck if it always comes into play with zero counters? Does a Chalice on zero do anything? What about Engineered Explosives? I guess we’ll find out soon. Will you be the first person in history to play Explosives on zero? Probably not with that skeptical attitude. Anyway, I hope you shipped your copies at GP Vegas before the price craters on these former sideboard staples.

#2—Everyone Will Get to Play Magic

I tried to warn Wizards R&D about Decree of Silence, but the words refused to leave the tip of my tongue. At least Counterbalance dies to Abrupt Decay and usually Krosan Grip. Fortunately this stupid enchantment costs eight mana and there’s no good way to cheat it into play quickly.

#1—Breakfast is Served

What if you had a library full of enchantments and then you had a graveyard full of enchantments and then you had a battlefield full of enchantments? Surely Wizards R&D never printed a spell that lets you reanimate a bunch of enchantments all at once. That would never happen. Sad? I know. Here, have some more pancakes. Let me Replenish your plate. You sure look hungry.