At JTJU we pride ourselves on only tackling the big questions — the ones that keep you up at night and yes, today, we have answered one of those head scratchers. The ancient riddle of:

Which Came First? The Golem or the Tortoise?

First off we can tell they are related. Four stubby arms. Same ugly mug. Fat torso. It’s a no brainer they are from the same DNA pool. Any idiot can see that.

In terms of evolution though, we have to ask more primal questions:

Walking Upright — You might say that puts a nod to the Golem but think about it. If you weighed over a ton, what is smarter? I don’t care what type of Dr. Scholl’s the Golem uses, his dogs are killing him at the end of the day. 1 VOTE TORTOISE.

— You might say that puts a nod to the Golem but think about it. If you weighed over a ton, what is smarter? I don’t care what type of Dr. Scholl’s the Golem uses, his dogs are killing him at the end of the day. Armor — So which would Darwin prefer here. Would you evolve towards a shell (lighter but soft inside; arch structure) or lean to an evolutionary path that has you coming out of a Fred Flintstone Nightmare? 1 VOTE GOLEM .

— So which would Darwin prefer here. Would you evolve towards a shell (lighter but soft inside; arch structure) or lean to an evolutionary path that has you coming out of a Fred Flintstone Nightmare? Mouth — One can eat. One can’t. Plus you get a bite attack with that beak. Duh. 1 VOTE TORTOISE.

— One can eat. One can’t. Plus you get a bite attack with that beak. Duh. Ability to Procreate — The golem needs to have some clasher cook him using up limited Dark Exilir (golemites die right after wars if they survive). The tortoise just bamboozles the nearest hot momma tortoise in the area — boom — more Tortoise’s. 1 VOTE TORTOISE.

— The golem needs to have some clasher cook him using up limited Dark Exilir (golemites die right after wars if they survive). The tortoise just bamboozles the nearest hot momma tortoise in the area — boom — more Tortoise’s. Health — Picture a max Inferno Tower burning down on you. Who survives the longest? Probably the one that is solid rock. 1 VOTE GOLEM .

I could go on (we hit over 50 comparison points in our study) but in the end it was clear — the Tortoise is a descendant of the Golem. So somewhere long ago Golems roamed earth and scratched on some rock somewhere.

GolEm here … fiRst

Who knew Supercell was pulling from the fossil record for its characters.

– Wry

p.s. I actually started looking for this image to post a quick mention of hitting 4000+ subs on our youtube channel on JTJU (was going w/ the tortoise and the hare angle). Saw this photo and thought to myself — dude, that thing is a golem. LOL.

That said, high five to the youtube subs (JTJU). Been a fun ride. I’ll keep poking along.