



Early in my career I was bullied in the workplace. Bullying is repeated, health-harming mistreatment that sabotages people from performing their jobs.

According to the Workplace Bullying Institute (WBI) 2014 study, male perpetrators seem to prefer targeting women (57%) more than other men (43%). Women bullies were less “equitable” when choosing their targets for bullying. Women bullied women in 68% of cases.

The man who bullied me was one of two vice-presidents in an early-stage company I briefly joined. Within the first few months of my employment---poor market conditions and investor turmoil--- made this man’s original job obsolete. To keep him on, the CEO dismissed the head of operations and moved my soon-to-be bully into his position.

My bully had neither the experience nor the temperament to run operations. To put it mildly, he lacked collaboration and team building skills so necessary to make a micro company grow.

This spelled real trouble for me because my performance depended on deep collaboration with operations. In other words, the programs I created and managed had to have operations support or nothing happened.

It soon became clear, he was a bully and I was his #1 target.

Behind the scenes, he undermined my authority. In corporate meetings, when I offered up new ideas he routinely treated them with arrogance, disrespect and down-right contempt.

In one by-chance office encounter (when few people were around) he lashed out so harshly that I feared for my physical safety.

The many times I expressed concern to the CEO, he gave me lip service but did little to rein him in.

Because I had never been bullied in the work place, I doubted myself and kept soul-searching for what I was doing wrong to provoke this workplace cruelty

I was slow to recognize that I was in a no-win situation. I told myself to follow my tried and true formula: Keep your head down and soldier on. This man would eventually come around.

After almost a year of being battered, I resigned. The day after my resignation, six letters appeared on the CEO’s desk—all of them demanding the bully be dealt with, or they, too, would resign. While I appreciated the letters of support, I was done.

If you suspect you are being bullied, consider these tips:

1. Document. Create a paper trail. Keep a detailed log of all interactions with the bully. I did not do this, but rather discussed key incidents with the CEO. Instead, keep a detailed log of all incidents.

2. Consult Human Resources. In our start-up, we did not have an HR department. Instead, we had one very young woman, straight out of college, who handled “paper work” and reported directly to my bully. I never consulted her for obvious reasons.

3. Seek Out Allies. I had strong relations with several of the partners of the venture group that funded us. On one hand, they could have been a source of wise advice and possibly course-correction. On the other hand, going above my CEO carried “Win-the-battle, lose-the-war” risks. For that reason, I stayed away.

4. Make one of three choices. This apt advice comes from my colleague, former CIO of Southern Companies, Becky Blalock who advises you that you always have three choices in your workplace:

(1)You can accept the situation for what it is,

(2) You can try to change it,

(3) Or you can leave.

I chose to leave, and in retrospect, they only thing I would have changed, was to leave sooner.

Says Blalock, “The last choice shocks some people who expect me to say you can always change the situation. Well, sometimes you can’t. If you find yourself in this situation, look at other places of employment. Dust off your resume and begin to see what else is available. There are always places for talented people to work where bullies are not tolerated. “

As bad as it was, the bullying experience taught me some invaluable business lessons:

Don’t play “small.” If you find yourself in circumstances that drain you of your energy, and compromise your ability to do the job you were hired to do, resign. The tone of any company is set at the top. Read the tea leaves and escape.

Find Your People.

Seek out places where your work is appreciated, prized and rewarded. Find the “A” players and join them

Start Again . Audit yourself. Rediscover what excites you. What are you passionate about? What value do you want to bring to the world? In my case, after a year off, I accepted a part-time position as marketing lecturer at The University of Texas School of Business. I simultaneously launched a boutique customer loyalty firm with emphases on book writing, seminars and keynote speaking. My mojo soon returned and, over the years, I traveled the world preaching the gospel of customer loyalty and joined a public company board.

TAKEAWAYS

-Bullying is serious business, especially for high achievers. It can rob your of self-confidence and the ability to perform your best work.

-Know the early indicators and be on guard.

-The WBI provides these warning signs:

· You feel like throwing up the night before the start of your work week

· Your frustrated family demands that you to stop obsessing about work at home

· Your doctor asks what could be causing your skyrocketing blood pressure and recent health problems, and tells you to change jobs

· All your paid time off is used for "mental health breaks" from the misery

· Days off are spent exhausted and lifeless, your desire to do anything is gone

· Your favorite activities and fun with family are no longer appealing or enjoyable

· You begin to believe that you provoked the workplace cruelty

There are bad people in the world. Handle them with caution. Never let them steal your dignity, talents, energy and self-esteem.