Oh how we’ve missed Nicklas Bendtner. The man we love to hate is set to return to English football, bringing his relentless self-praise with him.

After all the bravado and promise, Nicklas Bendtner turned out exactly the way we expected. Slightly average, disregarded, bouncing from club to club on an almost annual basis waiting for that big chance doomed never to arrive.

However, with the BBC reporting that Nottingham Forest are set to bring the self-proclaimed future Ballon D’Or winner back to English football following his release from Wolfsburg, it seems an opportune time to relive some of the greatest one-liners from football’s eternal punchline.

“I want to be top scorer in the Premier League, top scorer at the World Cup and, within five years, I want to be among the best strikers in the world. Trust me, it will happen”, per the Nottingham Post.

It didn’t.

My last year was wasted [at Arsenal]. I was loaned to Juventus. It went well there” – the Express, 2014.

Bendtner’s goal tally equalled his shirt sales at Juventus. None. Yes, according to ESPN, the Serie A giants failed to sell a single replica shirt with Bendtner on the back.

“It does not really matter to me who is fit and available. I should start every game, I should be playing every minute of every match and always be in the team” – the Guardian, 2009.

Around the same time, rumours were circulating that the then-20-year-old changed his squad number from 26 to 52 to double his goal tally. If you don’t want to know the results, look away now.

“I was obviously worried. My body is my livelihood and I was desperate to find out if I was OK. So I took off all my clothes, even my pants, picked up a wing mirror that had come off the car and checked myself over, front and back” – Bendtner told the Daily Mail after obliterating his brand-new £160,000 Aston Martin.

Everyone deals with trauma in different ways…

“There is definitely a price to pay. The biggest thing I miss because of football is that I really, really love to go on a skiing holiday but as long as I have my career, I can’t do that because of the risk of being injured” – the Daily Mail, 2011.

On the contrary, most football fans wouldn’t mind seeing Bendtner tumble down a mountain. Good luck Forest.

In other news, Sky pundit thinks Daniel Levy is reportedly doing something unusual at Tottenham