Saliha Enzenauer

There’s no rules. Show me the rule book.



Liam Gallagher

Noel Gallagher has a lot of things to say about his brother Liam, but it was just one thing that was very apt: „He’s the angriest man you’ll ever meet. He’s like a man with a fork in a world of soup.” True Noel, because our likes don’t want to eat the muddy soup that this fake world is offering us.

Here’s Liam Gallagher, a modern day Nietzsche and lone warrior for beauty and purity, in 60 quotes.

On other musicians:

1. “There’s Elvis and me. I couldn’t say which of the two is best.”

2. “Liam Gallagher was giving me nuisance phone calls for over a decade. God knows how he got my number. He would ring at 3 or 4 in the morning, just to tell me my music was shit. Sometimes he would call me the bastard son of Richard Branson and other times he would shout “Lionhead“ down the phone until I hung up. In the end I offered him $500.000 and begged him to stop. He told me to “Eat Shit“. (Jon Bon Jovi)

3. (On Florence Welch) “I’m sure she’s a nice girl, but she sounds like someone’s stood on her fucking foot. I’m not having someone with ginger hair making music. I’m not going down that road.”

4. (On DJs becoming the new rock stars) “Did they? Not in my world, they haven’t. What, Calvin fuckin’ Harris? The most boring fucking person? Fuck off, mate… I’ll tell you what they’ve become: the new accountants!”

5. “I really despise this new fucking disease of indie fucking shit, fucking student music, the likes of Bloc Party and all that fucking nonsense. They don’t keep me awake at night, but it’s just shite, and they can fucking have it mate.”

6. “Everyone in England at the moment, all these ‘rock stars’ in England, they can fuckin’ turn like that, they’re little pussies, man. You know what I mean? They all lick people’s arses because they need their little song on the radio. That didn’t happen with Oasis, man. We did it the way we did it. And we never licked anyone’s arse. So, that’s why I don’t like a lot of these bands. And plus, I don’t like them because their music’s shit. Or once you get into knowin’ them, they make me wanna vomit, half of these kids in bands today.”

7. (On ageing) I’ve mellowed, but not in the sense of liking Radiohead or Coldplay.”

8. (On Coldplay and Radiohead) “I don’t hate them, I don’t wish they had accidents. I think their fans are boring and ugly and don’t look like they’re having a good time.”

9. “I heard that fucking Radiohead record (King of Limbs) and I just go, ‘What?!’ I like to think that what we do, we do fucking well. Them writing a song about a fucking tree? Give me a fucking break! A thousand year old tree? Go fuck yourself!”

10. “Chris Martin looks like a geography teacher. What’s all that with writing messages about Free Trade? If he wants to write things down I’ll give him a pen and a pad of paper. Bunch of students.”

11. (On Mumford & Sons) “I’m sure they’re all nice lads but that’s not for me. They look like fucking Amish people. Everyone looks like they’ve got fucking nits and eat lentil soup with their sleeves rolled up! I need music to be a bit more sexy and played by people who look a bit fucking dangerous.”

12. (On Beyonce) “My arse is going to fuck her arse!”

13. “You’re going to be fucking arrested wearing [Jay-Z’s] Rocawear gear and you’re going to pull a really nice-looking bird wearing mine.”

14. “I’d like to fucking hang Robbie Williams onstage. What’s he done to me this time? Nothing. He’s just somebody I’d like to hang.”

15. “I’m not into fucking dance music. It is what it is, but I’m never gonna make a fucking Ian Brown [The Stone Roses singer] solo record. It’s always gonna be fucking loud guitars.”

16. (On John Lydon, Johnny Marr and Jimmy Page) “I’m better than them. Without a doubt. I see myself as one of the fucking true great rock’n’roll singers on the planet.”

17. “Muse fucking scare me. They’re like fucking creepy shit. But people like ’em. They at least play guitars, but when I hear his voice I’m like, Ah, fuck him.”

18. (On Billie Joe Armstrong) “Fuck right off. I’m not having him. I just don’t like his head.”

19. “I respect the Stones but their songs are a pile of crap. As for U2, they don’t say a lot or seem like normal persons.”

20. “I’m not the likes of Mick Jagger, man. I don’t think singers who start off singing should play guitar. It looks fucking stupid.”

21. (On Keith Richards and George Harrison) “They’re jealous and senile and not getting enough fucking meat pies.”

22. “I still love George Harrison as a songwriter in the Beatles, but as a person I think he’s a fucking nipple. And if I ever meet him I’ll fucking tell him.”

23. (On Bono) “Play One, shut the fuck up about Africa.”

24. “Rock stars exercising? I don’t think it’s right. You either got it or you ain’t. I drink too much but you won’t catch me doing sit-ups or jogging. You see pictures of Bono running around LA with his little white legs and a bottle of Volvic and he looks like a fanny. I mean, maybe if it was a bottle of vodka.”

25. (On Ozzy Osbourne) “How come everyone thinks he’s great? He’s a bit of a fooking mong, if you ask me.”



26. (On Pete Doherty) “What does the word Libertine mean? Freedom! He’s in the corner doing smack with a helmet on his head. There’s nothing free about that. It’s nasty.”

27. “Pete Doherty needs a slap, and the sooner he gets it, the better.”

28. “Being a lad is what I’m about. I can tell you who isn’t a lad – anyone from Blur.”

29. (On the Scissor Sisters) “Bright colours and fucking weirdos on stilts? I’m more entertaining than that shit.”

30. (On Ed Sheeran) “I don’t think I can live in a world where that’s even possible. When you hear that kind of polished pop and then there’s a ginger guy with a fucking guitar it seems subversive, but it’s fucking not.”

31. “I’m right into it, it’ll finish off the Kaiser Chiefs and put them to bed. There’s nothing worse than a shit Blur.”

32. (On Franz Ferdinand’s Alex Kapranos) “He reminds me of fucking Right Said Fred. You put on ‘I’m Too Sexy For My Fucking Thing’ next to their records and I bet you any money it’s the same person. It’s the same fucking person!

33. “The White Stripes? Fooking rubbish. School ties? At the age of 24? Fooking hell.”

34. (On drunkenly riding a dog in public) “That’s what rock stars do–I haven’t got a motorbike license, so a dog it is! I don’t care, mate. I really don’t care. I don’t want to be took as a ‘serious musician’ either. I find that a fucking insult. It’s boring and not colorful. I’ll leave that to some other cunt.”

35. (On being a rock star) “There’s more to being in a band than writing songs, you know. There’s always something that needs throwing out of the window, someone who needs flicking on the nose, and that line’s not going to snort itself.”

36. “Being me is the best fucking gig in the world.”

37. (On the art of songwriting) “I get a melody and I tape it on my phone and I get a couple of lines and I freak myself out and have to go for a walk because they’re fucking brilliant.”

38. “I suppose I do get sad, but not for too long. I just look in the mirror and go, ‘What a fucking good-looking fuck you are!’ And then I brighten up.”

On Religion and God

39. “I was brought up Catholic. Then I had a joint and looked at the world differently. “

40. “I mean, the devil’s got all the good gear. What’s God got? The Inspiral Carpets and nuns. Fuck that.”

41. “If I wasn’t a musician I don’t know. I’d be God, maybe? That would be a good job.”

42. “Everytime I look in the mirror, God looks back. “

On Nature

43. (On his garden) “I much prefer it be fucking paved. The minute I get some money in the bank there’ll be fucking concrete going over it.”

44. “Fuck the sea. I ain’t going in that. Fuck that, mate. That ain’t meant for us. That’s meant for the sharks, and the jellyfish, tadpoles and stuff.”

45. “I ain’t ever seen a dolphin in a dog tooth suit have you? No, there you go.”

46. “I can’t swim. I can have a bath and that. I’m all right in a hot tub. But put me out in the ocean and I’m gone.”

47. “They think I’m a big-mouthed cunt from Manchester, and they’d be correct.”

48. “I have got a bit of an issue with cardigans. They’re shit aren’t they?”

49. “If you want to see the opposite sex spout four heads, then exchange a couple of rings. You walk to the altar with a woman with one head and you walk back with a fucking monster.”

50. “Discipline? I don’t know the meaning of the word.”

51. “I’m not looking for guidance.”

52. (On Christmas) “The usual. I’ll be sitting there all day, getting wankered. Probably eating loads of fucking food an’ all. What are the kids after this year? What do you think? Loads of fucking toys.”

53. “I was walking along and this chair came flying past me, and another, and another, and I thought, man, is this gonna be a good night.”

54. (On his temper) “I love it. I love having my beautiful, full-on feelings when I’m a big soppy cunt and I love having a fucking temper that just appears in three seconds. It’s how you bring it back down, though, how you balance it.

I fucking love it. If someone looks at me the wrong way… [glares intimidatingly] I definitely know how to reign it in but you’ve got to be angry too, mate. It’s good for ya… Don’t look back in anger, my fucking arse!”

55. “That’s the story of my life, mate, I’m always having to go one louder.”

56. “Mistakes? I don’t think I’ve made any. “

57. “I don’t regret any decisions I’ve made. We move on. You can’t apologise for the rest of your life. And I won’t. I’ll say it once and you either take it or you don’t.”

58. “My advise is, ‘Don’t ask for advise.’ Just live your life and see what happens.”

59. “There’s no rules. Show me the rule book.”

60. “I am a tender, beautiful and loving guy that happens to slap a photographer now and then because they get in my way.”

Wisdom compiled by Saliha Enzenauer





