Course selection advice

Hey there freshmen, course selection is coming up next week for your 3rd semester at Snevets. Are you puzzled about what courses you need to take? No need to worry: I’ve got you covered.

ENGINEERING

Engineering is the predominant major and most important at Snevets, so naturally it should be the first major discussed. The first class is ENG103, “Engineering Experience III”. This course expands on the content covered in Engineering Experience I and attempts to convince engineering majors that they actually need to decide on a major. They cannot continue to put it off like they do with every other piece of engineering work they had – and still somehow manage an “A.” You will actually fail. However, this is a small blip, as ENG218, “Personal Success Strategies,” reassures future engineers of their status. They are the top dog on campus, and this class helps them gloat to others about their status. Finally, the last class is MGT301, “Actual Innovation, and Entrepreneurship” and is known to actually be difficult for engineers. While it is similar to MGT103, the workload is dramatically increased. Every week, each group attests to the actual failures of industry – groups can never create a successful project. Due to this, instead of a grade, the group will be rewarded with food depending on their efforts. A bad project will mean starving for the week. Now if this sounds too intense for you, don’t worry – you can switch to the following major.

BIZ-TECH

Business and Technology is known to be the easiest major at Snevets – and their 3rd semester classes reflect that. The first class is MA003, “Shapes and Tall Stuff.” This course helps Biz-Tech majors understand the shapes they need to draw in order to construct fake graphs in order to convince their clients to give them their money. Essentially, this class is necessary and it combines well with BT283, “Bullshitting 101.” This course further develops a Business and Technology major’s single skill set, convincing others that they should give away their money. Now, this is the last academic class that biz-techs have to take. The last class, PE100, “Country Club,” is a simple physical education course dealing with etiquette on the place where they will spend most of their money – the country club. At the country club, biz-techs will interact with other biz-techs and realize other people can be your friends – not people to take advantage of.

COMPUTER SCIENCE

One of the mandatory courses for Computer Science majors in their 3rd semester is CS142, “How to Interact with Non-Computer Science Majors.” This 4-credit course (including lab) teaches all Computer Science Majors that their major isn’t necessarily the best thing in the world and how to talk about topics that aren’t related to computers. This course pairs well with CS318, “Snobbery 102.” In addition to interacting with people, this 3-credit course further explores the idea about how to act better than everyone else. Specifically, this course focuses on building insults and creating fake compliments to make yourself feel better about letting your parents down by spending your entire summer in the basement. Don’t worry, you can redeem yourself in your parents eyes by taking IT101, “General System Administration,” 3-credit course teaching you how to do all of the IT stuff that your parents think your major is actually for. But with all of these courses, you might be wondering what coding course to take. For that, take CS499, “General Computer Science,” 1-credit to validate yourself because for some reason you’ve already taught yourself all the computer science in the curriculum, and then some.

QUANTITATIVE FINANCE

Quantitative Finance gets a bit easier during the 3rd semester: you no longer have to spend 10 hours a night summarizing the Wall Street Journal. Instead, you’ll start off the semester by taking CS001, “Computer Science for Idiots,” an in-depth 7-credit course on the basics of computer science. This is essential for quantitative finance majors: in order to succeed in the industry, you need to know how to program. However, an alarming number of people in the program don’t realize that your semicolon key needs to work and the doStuff method doesn’t just make a program for you. Another essential course is the 4-credit course QF122, “Transitioning from Finance.” After switching from business and technology because it sounds like a major for idiots, this course teaches Quantitative Finance majors the mathematical background necessary to sound competent next to Engineering Majors. This course pairs well with QF123, “Why Quantative Finance is Better,” a 3-credit course that reassures QF majors that they are, in fact, better than Finance, despite the actual reality that they probably aren’t competent enough to do any sort of Quantitative Finance and will be stuck doing jobs they could’ve done without “working” as hard.

COMPUTATIONAL SCIENCE

As a Computational Science major, I’m an expert on the curriculum. The 3rd semester curriculum is easy: after finishing your science core, your schedule consists of one course: MA000: “Informing People Your Major Exists.” This 16-credit course is one of most intensive courses at Snevets and it deals with one topic: letting people know that Computational Science exists. Tactics include giving course comparisons as well as telling people to browse the course catalog to find the major.

MUSIC TECH

The principal Music and Technology course, HMU420 “Rolling,” is taught this semester. This 4-credit course teaches two parts of rolling; the first of which involves making your own “roll” from green instruments while the second one teaches you how to use industrial level rolling equipment, with a special focus on ones that rely on gravity and volcanoes. While HMU420 deals with Music-Tech content itself, the class HMU401, “Survival,” focuses on being a music major at an engineering school. This 3-credit class deals with handling the criticism from the majority of engineering majors at the school. Finally, the 3-credit course HMU312, “Acceptance,” deals with the reality that the only job they will get upon graduation will be working as a barista at Starbucks.