I’d dated a few women in my 20s and openly questioned if I was bisexual. "No you’re not. Stop trying to be edgy," my straight friends would say. I didn’t know any other out bi people to talk to, so assumed they were right. After all, they knew me. When I did finally realise that yeah, being romantically and sexually attracted to girls probably was a pretty big indicator of queerness, they were mainly supportive. When one told me there’d been a long-running joke in our group that I think I’m bisexual, even though I’m not, I was embarrassed and hurt. I internalised their invalidation of my sexuality. But common coming out narratives teach us we should be loud and proud, so I acted as if I wasn’t arsed, that their lack of understanding didn’t bother me.