SAVANNAH, GA—Admitting he no longer had the energy to keep his negative emotions completely in check, local man James Franklin told reporters Monday that he was now too exhausted to repress both his anger and sadness. “I think I can keep one of them down, but there’s no way I’m gonna keep both of them bottled up,” said Franklin, adding that he had now arrived at the point where he had no choice but to fully experience one of the two emotional states he typically suppresses at all times. “I’m just going to concentrate on holding my anger back and kind of let the sadness flow. Then I’ll circle around and tamp that down when I’m less tired.” At press time, a morbidly depressed Franklin was convinced he made the wrong decision and was growing angrier and angrier.

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