STAG! Comedy, our favorite Austin sketch troupe, slays punchlines like malnourished dinosaurs. (See Saturday.)

Break out the paper cocktail umbrellas, Dallas. Do it. I'll wait. [Whistles. Stares vacantly out window.] Got 'em? Good. Stick one in your coffee, 'cuz this weekend is loaded up with life's best stuff.

Free pie? Sure. How about a LARPing movie and a LARP Metal band? Yup.

A fantastic sketch comedy show? Art Openings? Museum soirees? Parties in breweries? TECMO battles in bars? A visit by Cousin Itt? Face time with indie film darling Paker Posey? [Long inhale]

Yeah, bro. All that.

Fill your gas tanks and your wine bra: You'll need both to conquer this pending bender. While you're at it, share this list with your friends and click event titles for more information. I'll see you out there. (I'll be the one on a dinosaur hunt.)

Thursday 1.23 Free Pie Day -- This is why you grew up. Norma's celebrates this most delicious holiday with -- you guessed it -- A FREE SLICE OF PIE. Now high-five your inner 10-year-old, because you've got car keys and she doesn't.

The Knights of Badassdom at Texas Theatre -- Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt! Thought LARPing went out of style? Wrong, so wrong. Thanks to a fortunate roll of a 20-sided die, Dallas gets a one-night screening of The Knights of Badassdom. It's a story about friendship, role play and unity through demonic conquering. LARP Metal band (totally real) Hack and Slashers also perform. Automotive Prosthetic Book Launch -- Former Dallas Observer art critic Charissa Terranova is a treasured mind. We seek out her critiques regarding aesthetics' mechanics on Glasstire, and today we get a heavier dose of Terranova because her new book, Automotive Prosthetic, launches at RE Gallery. Go buy the thing and have it signed. Read more about her new publication here.

YOLO Solo Festival -- This awesomely-named fest celebrates one actor, one-act plays. It was drummed up by our own theater critic, Elaine Liner, and through Sunday you'll see everything from Observer Mastermind Jeff Swearingen's The Last Castrato, the story of a talentless man born without a penis, to 13-year-old Kennedy Waterman's Allergic Me, the actress' comedic take on living with a very serious peanut allergy.

The Art of Portraiture Photography at Kettle -- Dallas Observer alumn and current Brookhaven professor Daniel Rodrigue, moderates tonight's free art talk at Kettle. Pick the brains of local photographers Erica Felicella, Hal Samples, Richard Sharum and Oh Jee Nam and learn how to look deeper than someone's "best side."

Friday 1.24 MatrimonEy Clothing and All That Glitters at Public Trust -- For one night only, Public Trust will reshow the art exhibitionAll That Glitters, release a line of bling-soaked, limited edition T-shirts and host a pop-up shop featuring MatrimonEy Clothing and Roi'al Bijoux jewelry. Can't get enough? Cool. There's an after party with special guests DJs Nature, Select and Sober at It'll Do.

Objective Strategies at El Centro College -- This group show emphasizing time-based three-dimensional media unites an interesting talent pool. In addition to Val Curry and Robert Reedy's exploration of consumer culture via Starbucks cast-offs, you'll also see new exercises in impermanence, told through fruit, from Jeff Gibbons, a large-scale sculpture by Ryder Richards and experimental video- or film-based work by Michael Morris, Nicky Tavares and Monica Ugartechea. There's also a performance piece on opening night, created and directed by Alison Starr.

Zeigfeld Follies and Clothing Swap at Texas Theatre -- Come by the art house early with old clothes for trade, or shop for new in the pop-up market. At 8:30 p.m. the fashionable costume classic Zeigfeld Follies gets a screening, followed by a dance party in the lobby.

Curator's Choice 2014 -- There ain't no party like a DMA party 'cuz a DMA party don't sto-o-op... until 9 p.m., at which point this thing shuts down. The DMA Junior Associates, a league of youthful art supporters, hosts an evening of cocktails, photo-booth mischief and discussions with local artists about their favorite pieces in the museum's permanent collection. It's free with a cash bar. Dress code is "museum chic," so... JNCOs?

Saturday 1.25

-- Austin's favorite sketch troupe hits Dallas for one show, at 7:30 p.m. Saturday/ Made up of members of Master Pancake, Mascot Wedding and Hot Property, STAG! sells out larger venues like Alamo's Ritz location on the reg. Since Dallas Comedy House is more intimate, you'll get even closer to the action. (Warning: Watch for flying zingers.)

Parker Posey Reads a Texas-Penned Story -- She's the shero of indie film. A darling of unconventional sweethearts. And Saturday, your favorite actress Parker Posey will read a short literary work at the DMA. While primary seating is sold-out, there's secondary live-feed viewing available in the C3 Theater.

Brew the Cure -- You don't need an excuse to drink great beer at Community Brewery, but if one happens to come along -- hey, all the better. Amirite? On Saturday, help the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation further its mission. Just buy a ticket. Show up. Then, drink with your friends at Brew the Cure. Be a do-gooder, one pint at a time. Let the Drip from the Ceiling Become an 8 Foot Hole in the Roof -- Jeff Gibbons is a tinkerer. An inventor. A renovator. An artist. On Saturday night the Art Ball Prize winner and Apophenia Underground co-founder gets a solo show on his temporary home turf as CentralTrak opens this latest exhibition. The title pulls from the artist's experience renovating a decayed Detroit home. The show features looped video played on re-purposed television sets and some "unexpectedly humble sculptural works." Sold.

DARK MARKETS at Oliver Francis Gallery -- This group show, organized by Interstate Projects of Brooklyn, is set to live up to its all-caps title. All three artists use Internet markets as their platform, from 1990s AOL chat rooms to eBay, where artist Joe Brittain purchased chemicals from India. Ann Hirsch, Joe Brittian and Cheon pyo Lee are all New York talents, so pop by from 7 to 10 p.m. and show their work some local love.

Sunday 1.26 Helio-Con -- This speculative fiction festival brings seasoned fantasy writers together with the more ... freshly inspired. It's also where you can meet Felix Silla, the actor and stuntman who's entertained three generations of sci-fi fans. You've seen him as an Ewok, Cousin Itt and in a briefer role for your favorite movie of all time: Spaceballs.

TECMO TEXAS at Three Links -- 32 players are signed up for this competitive football gaming tournament, so if you want to flex your TECMO skills you're S.O.L. You should still cheer on -- or rally against -- those participating. Sixty games will be played during this eight-hour tournament and hundreds of dollars of prize money is up for grabs. You know what that means: Nerd bodies will hit the floor.

Behind the Scenes of the Dallas Opera -- Production design takes on a whole new dimension when an opera involves robots, and we'll see that complicated magic unfold next month when Dallas Opera premieres MIT professor Tod Machover's Death and the Powers. Peek inside the robot's dressing rooms on Sunday when TDO director of production John Toia explains the machinery in detail. There's a reception following this free adventure.