WASHINGTON — Just a few days before her birthday, first lady Melania Trump got an early present in the form of a glossy story about how miserable she is these days.

Trump, who turns 47 on April 26, is basically the IRL iteration of all those #freeMelania memes, according to a recent Vanity Fair article that paints a more than unflattering picture of the Trumps' marriage (transactional) and even her relationship with stepdaughter and de facto first lady Ivanka Trump (a tad icy).

The article dusts off a few rinse-and-repeated bombshells (most of which are swiftly dismissed by Trump's spokesperson Stephanie Grisham). Chief among them? Melania Trump, who was spotted dining with her husband at the Trump International Hotel in Washington on Saturday, doesn't want to move to the swamp.

Grisham confirmed (yet again) that the first lady will relocate once her son, 11-year-old Barron, "finishes out the school year." The spokesperson added that the first couple were "still looking at a few schools," which would account for the lack of leaked gossip about where the youngest Trump might attend school. On a odder note, Grisham also provided official comment on whether President Donald Trump played the doting husband during his third wife's pregnancy. According to the East Wing spokesperson, Donald Trump was "very warm and supportive throughout her pregnancy."

Speaking of Trump kids, Ivanka Trump, now an official adviser to the president, and her stepmother, Melania Trump, have a frosty relationship, according to the magazine. Again, not so, said Grisham, who described the pair as "fine" (a very warm adjective). "Ivanka and Mrs. Trump have always shared a close relationship, and that continues today," said Grisham.

And those whispers about the Trumps sleeping in separate bedrooms when they are, in fact, under the same roof? "Fictional," dismissed Grisham.

All in all, the article, like so many about the extremely private first lady, trots out the same familiar sources. Close "friends" of Melania Trump's from years ago. Paolo Zampolli, the entrepreneur and former model agency owner who brought the Slovenian-born beauty to New York, an old roommate, who once again confirms that young Melanija Knavs was something of a homebody, and, of course, stylist Phillip Bloch, an "acquaintance" who's been enjoying renewed press mentions as the Melania whisperer.

In the end, the first lady remains something of a mystery.

The Washington Post