You think you know the secrets of Disneyland

and since you got them from this article,

we guess that you're not wrong.

But still, it seems quite bold

to think the story told

and so we'll now correct you -- with a song.

We've said that Disney movies teach bad lessons

after spending the day chilling at their park

and like so many "[Noun]World"s that you've heard of

the real life is, sadly, just as dark.

Have you ever heard the story of the pubic lice?

Or that the park is laced with stray cat shit?

Did you know that in Splash Mountain, there are boobies?

This Cracked Classic's an old favorite, enjoy iiiiiiiiiit.

This summer, hundreds of thousands of happy children will beg, plead and, if resourceful enough, blackmail their parents into taking them to Disneyland. And it's little wonder why: To children, Disneyland is the combination of the only three things that matter: cartoons, rides and thinly concealed evil.

What's that? You don't typically associate the Happiest Place on Earth with crippling depression, rabies, discrimination and hate crimes?

We can fix that!