**As a chronic migraineur

1. Perfume Counter Ladies: I can not believe this still exists. The job title should actually be Professional Douche Canoe. Why the f are you spraying chemicals in my general direction? Ugh, now I feel bad for calling this innocent lady a douche canoe. Jesus, now I’m in pain AND I feel guilty. Damn you department stores.

2. Hand Dryers from hell. WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING AT ME? I just need my hands dried. This is where I fail at being a hippie. I’m all for tearing down trees if you just give me some damn peace to dry my freshly cleaned hands.

3. Barometric Pressure Changes: WTF, God? It’s bad enough that you have blizzards, and fires, and droughts… but you gotta do it, like, in an hour? Can’t it just be a slow, steady, calm change? No?

4. Strobe Lights. Why the f you gotta blast shots of bright ass light into my eye sockets? Repeatedly? Over and over and over? This is not fun and I can not fathom why it would be. Don’t worry, no gif on this one. I’m not that mean.

5. Tar Smell. We live in the future. Shouldn’t they have come up with something that covers the stanky stench? From blocks away it penetrates my nostrils. Why must you assault me with your smells?

6. Gasoline Smell. I could give a shit if you believe in global warming (actually, i do care…come on people, it is real )… anyhoo, can we PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get rid of gasoline cars and move to electric cars?? I must plead my case so I can stop being constantly bombarded with whiffs of nasty dinosaur fossil juice! Stop it with the stench blitzkreig. (ps, what’s up with this lady?!)

7. Jack Hammers: There should be a law that says anyone using a jackhammer needs to hand out free ear plugs to everyone within a half mile. Otherwise you might as well come over and just start pecking away at my brain. Same diff.

8. Loud-Ass music. Grumblegrumblegrumble. Get off my lawn, you pesky hooligans!

9. Migraine Cures: Shut the front door. These DO NOT EXSIST. I mean, come on. If there really was a freaking cure, do you think people would still have migraines? Remember when everyone had Polio? NO? That’s because they cured it before you were born!

10. Stock imagery of migraines: REALLY? I mean, I’ve got nothing here except STOP. These beautiful women can just shove it up their twat-waffle ‘cause I’m sorry… but no one looks that good when having a migraine. In fact, many of these women look like they could be having an orgasm. Except the one in the bottom left. She just looks confused.