In a first for the BBC, their new nature documentary is to be released with an R rating. The documentary, exploring the current relationship between humans and nature, is part of their long-running series brought to life by Sir David Attenborough, but it is also because of Attenborough’s involvement that the film is receiving such a harsh rating.

“We tried many things to curtail this current situation,” said executive producer Lydia Cunning, who has worked with Sir Attenborough for over twenty years, “We tried to talk to David reasonably, we tried to talk to the rating board, we tried to simply bleep out what David was saying. But, unfortunately, David’s voice is what brings people in, so there was no avoiding this.”

So, does this film include many animals in the middle of sexual acts? Violent situations of animals on the hunt? Of course, it does, but these have never been a problem before. No, the problem occurs in Attenborough’s voice-over narration, in which he states on numerous occasions how much we, the human race, have fucked up.

“See here the majesty of the African elephant,” Attenborough’s voice-over soothes as we see a herd emerging from a sunrise horizon, “Due to a bunch of fuckheads, the elephant remains on the endangered animals' list because humanity is so fucking stupid, they keep killing these beautiful creatures for harvest their ivory. Fuck those pieces of shit. Fuck them all.”

“It was shocking, yes, but not entirely surprising,” Cunning told us, “I mean, it’s not like what he’s saying is any different than his usual messaging. It’s just a little more aggressive than usual. In fact, I was present for some of the recordings, and this is, in fact, the toned-down version.”

“The Arctic, one of natures most extreme and extraordinary features,” Attenborough says as the camera floats across the frozen vista, “By 2040, all the ice here will melt because you fucking idiots didn’t fucking stop using fossil fuels, like a bunch of fucking dipshits. You killed the polar bears, fuckface.” When asked if they considered not releasing the documentary at all, Cunning shook her head, “The fans would have revolted. We announced this documentary series months ago, and to delay it would have lead to rioting in the streets from pro-BBC individuals. Plus, to delay the release would be fruitless, as David would be unwilling to record new audio anyways. If anything, he would have been even angrier.”

We reached out to Attenborough’s representative for comment on the situation, but the only reply we received was “There’s a war in Yemen that’s killing literally thousands. The planet is going to die in thirty years. Everything is dying. Report on those thinks, you fucking morons.”