Dan and Amy are so pleased to announce the birth of their daughter, Emily, whom Amy would like you to know measures twenty inches long and weighs in at eight pounds, and whom Dan describes as “baby-size.”

Jack and Nikki welcomed little Nathaniel into their family late Friday evening. Nathaniel has his grandfather’s eyes but hopefully none of his racism.

After a difficult forty-eight hours of labor, I am now the proud mama to little Jeremiah. If anyone has seen my husband, Dave, please tell him that I’m so sorry but I can never take those noises back.

Our little bundle of joy arrived last week, and my first experience pumping has successfully done what twelve Netflix documentaries couldn’t: turned me off of the dairy industry.

I am so proud to announce that, early this morning, Jada gave birth to a healthy little boy. And we know that every new parent thinks this, but we honestly believed he would be cuter.

William “Billy” Armstrong was born last night, weighing ten pounds, two ounces—or, as high-school sex-ed teachers should share with their students, the equivalent of nine thousand tampons.

On September 8th, my wife brought baby Jax into the world. I love him more than I have ever loved anything, but if you subbed him out with any baby from the nursery I honestly would not notice.

Chris and Terry would like to introduce the world to little Ethan. Ethan is a bundle of joy who is a carbon copy of Terry, so we would love any tips on how to get rid of a baby goatee.

We’re so thankful that my mom, Carol, was able to stay with us this last week to help us adjust to life with a newborn! I hope I’m able to be half the mom that my mom was to me because, like all parents, I want my kids to be worse off than I was.

Late Tuesday night, I watched Christina give birth to our son, Timmy. It was the highlight of my life to be able to catch Timmy coming out—a sight that I will never forget, although I am trying very hard.

Jordan and I are so happy to share the birth of our girls. They are healthy and happy, and we have never been more in love, if love is what you call it when you realize that all the ants you’ve ever stomped on also had mothers and then you just sob and sob.

Welcome to the world, little Sam! Mom and baby just survived the most traumatic event of their lives thus far, so for some reason Dad is recovering.

Meet the newest member of the family, Charlotte! My eyes say she’s so tiny but my vagina strongly disagrees.

I am thrilled to share that I am the mother of a beautiful baby girl! Like a new car driven off the lot, my parenting ability immediately depreciated twenty per cent the second I actually had a kid.

World, meet Eveline! Mommy was such a champ and is, unbeknownst to Daddy, newly celibate.

Todd and Jason are so pleased to introduce you to their little miracle, Emma. One look in her eyes and they truly knew they had never been more in debt.