Austin, TX—

Alex Jones on his InfoWars show earlier today told his audience that he has been super worried about something, and that his worries are only getting stronger the more he thinks about them.

Jones then explained that he was concerned he himself was becoming a government false flag plant.

Jones has for a long time used his show to spread and capitalize on conspiracy theories, and has accused numerous national calamities, particularly those involving gun-related mass murders, of being false flag operations orchestrated by the government to take away Second Amendment rights to owning high velocity, semi-automatic rifles.

However, now his suspicions have apparently turned on himself.

“I’m not crazy, everybody says I’m crazy,” Jones began his rant. “But the lizard people are everywhere. You know that, I know that, everybody knows that. Nancy Pelsoi knows that. She’s a transgender reptilian demon from another planet who came here via a spaceship with an engine fueled by little abducted children’s bones. But her minions are everywhere. How do I know that? It’s obvious folks. They’ve become so powerful with the secularists and Left-Wing, radical communists, with their Obama-loving, feminist Kenyan neo-colonialist gay agenda. In fact, I have to admit something. I think—God, it makes me so angry. I’m furious! Furious! But I believe Hillary Rodham Clinton has even infected me with the reptilian poison. She got me with her fangs a couple weeks ago, and then transmogrified into a toad and got away before I could shoot her. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. I am worried that I myself am becoming a lizard person. I think they’re trying to turn me into a false flag plant. I’ve suspected it for years, but I’m beginning to be more sure. I’ve long been the victim of government spying. And of attempted brainwashing. There’s always at least one chemtrail above my house. Always. Who knows what chemicals they’re dropping on my house all day and night! They’re trying to turn me into a government plant! They want me to cancel my show, or to say something so vile that the liberal communist United Nations occupiers can ruin me. They’re trying. They’re always trying. I think it’s something in the water. Water just tastes different now at every restaurant I go to. I swear. I can’t even shower at home anymore. I haven’t bathed in months! They’ve even gotten into the bottled water supply. No water is safe anymore. But I’m not gullible, I’m not falling for it. Last week, just to be safe, I started only drinking my urine. You have to be safe. Have to. There’s no choice. And can you believe they call me crazy? They want you to believe I’m psychologically unwell! But I saw it, folks. Hillary Rodham Clinton turned into a toad right before my eyes. They’re everywhere, folks! But I’m going to let you in on a secret. There’s only one thing you can do. The only way you can resist is by drinking your urine. And if you go to the InfoWars website right now, we are selling state-of-the-art urine filters for only $49.99. Get yours today. There’s literally no time left. Hillary could be anywhere. I have five of them. You can never be too safe with the lizards. I would buy at least two if I were you. You have to fight ‘em. They’re trying to get us and convert us to the lizard side, but they haven’t got me yet. I’m fighting it—I’m a fighter! I’ll never let them win and take me over. You can’t stop me! I will never give in to Hillary! They will never turn me into a gay frog! Never! Never! Never! No! Nooooooo! No! No! No! NOOOOOOOOO! Never! Urine is the only way. You have to buy our filters, buy seven of them! Seriously, I need the cash. Can you believe my wife is lying to a judge and telling the courtroom I’m mentally unstable and unfit and unsafe to share custody of our kids? Maybe Hillary got to her and is paying off the judge. They’re all in on it! They’re all gay frogs trying to turn me gay! I’ll never drink their water again! You can’t convert me into a lizard if I’m only drinking my own urine! I will never let them turn me into a government plant and use me to help enslave America under Sharia law! Never! Never! No! Nooooooo! Nooooooooo! No! Nooo! No! No! No! Noooo! Noooooooooooooooooo! Call me unstable! You’re unstable! You’re all unstable! I’ll show you, Hillary! I’ll turn you into a gay frog! Wait! What am I saying? Oh my God, the gay frogs are getting to me! There might be one in my brain right now! Ahhhhhh! Folks, there’s no time! You have to go to InfoWars.com right now and buy a dozen urine filters. It may be too late already!”

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(Photo courtesy of Sean P. Anderson.)

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