If you’re somehow offended by that random collection of words then you need to reconsider your life. No seriously, go sit in a fuckin corner for a while and contemplate how pathetic you are and the poor life choices you’ve made that led you down the garden path of being “offended” by mere words. You are not only a cretin and an oxygen thief, but you are haphazardly propagating an epidemic worse than AIDS, Ebola and Swine Flu combined. Like rats spreading the bubonic plague, people who claim to be “offended” over every event in their lives that causes them to think or be uncomfortable need to be eradicated.

This week I’ll likely offend some weak cunts as I examine this puerile cultural phenomenon that is rapidly eroding the fabric of society – that of being “offended”.

THE BEGINNINGS OF BUTTHURT

So just when and how did this nonsense begin? At what point did the politically correct movement swing the pendulum of human decency from segregating black people and jailing queers for butt stuff to the extreme polar opposite of labelling every fuckin thing under the sun as being racist / homophobic / sexist?

For starters, the so-called “Millennial” generation has to be the largest gaggle of limp wristed, mollycoddled bottom feeders in the history of modern civilisation. My grandfather was flying bombers in World War 2 not long after he got hair on his balls. My father was conscripted to compulsory military service in Algeria when he was 18. He slept with a machine gun under his fuckin pillow and watched captured rebel guerrillas get tortured by having their balls zapped off by way of electrocution.

Nowadays, we have school athletics carnivals where every single kid gets a ribbon for participation. No 1st place or trophy or anything that indicates they performed better than any of the other kids in the races. The organizers fear that 6 year old kids would be upset if they were to lose. So rather than potentially upset a child, they take away every child’s chance at achieving a victory. I think this mentality permeates this generation of kids now. They never learn how to lose, fail, or be challenged; they just show up with a sense of entitlement.

This echoes into adulthood as we’ve also got university students that cry their little eyes out over chalk signs on the ground promoting Donald Trump, demanding ‘safe spaces’ and ‘trigger warnings’ so that their delicate feelings and sensibilities are never ruffled and they never have to experience a moment of discomfort by realising that someone else thinks differently to what they do.

In just three generations we’ve gone from trench warfare to a bunch of pussies whose biggest battles are jousted behind a keyboard against strangers on the internet who hurt their fee fees. Our ancestors who fought for our collective freedoms must be spinning in their fucking graves.

One can’t completely blame the Millennials for how fragile and insipid they’ve become though. There is some historical precedent that has woven this rich tapestry of faggotry and previous generations have to shoulder some of the blame. Childhood itself has changed greatly during the past generation. Many Baby Boomers and Gen Xers can remember riding their bicycles around the burbs unchaperoned by adults by the time they were 8 or 9 years old. In the hours after school, kids were expected to occupy themselves, getting into minor scrapes and learning from their experiences.

But childhood as us old cunts knew it became less common in the late 1980s / early 90s. Stories of abducted children appeared more frequently in the news media, and in 1984 images of them began showing up on milk cartons in the United States. In response, many parents pulled in the reins and worked harder to keep their children safe from molesters (never mind the fact if you were being molested it was probably by one of their friends or another family member) and helicopter parenting became the new black.

This melodrama wasn’t restricted to the home though, schools got on board pretty swiftly as well. “Dangerous” play structures were removed from playgrounds; peanut butter was banned from student lunches. Any games that involved any kind of rough housing or physical contact began to be banned during breaks, with schools fearful of being opened up to litigation from some cretinous parent who decided to sue because little Johnny broke his arm falling off the monkey bars. I can’t even begin to imagine school life without peanut butter sandwiches, kick arse play gyms and chaotic games of British Bulldog at lunch time.

Good job baby boomers you bloated, underachieving clods.

Then some good minded fools from GenX (I’m picturing an overweight female primary school teacher who wasn’t much chop at sports and likely a very nice person) started the “everyone gets a trophy” mentality that seemed to spread. So these kids grew up thinking they’re all special, unique little snowflakes who deserve everything. Everyone got a trophy. Everyone told they’re amazing. Everyone told they deserve whatever they want. Everyone living within some kind of immaculate delusion whereby life suddenly, inexplicably became “fair”.

It’s no surprise that there is such a pervading sense of entitlement amongst the Millennial generation when from the moment they were farted out of their mother’s wombs they were told every ticket was a winner.

We failed these kids. Rather than preparing them for the game of life where sometimes you win and sometimes you get corn holed by a sweaty, obese motherfucker wearing a condom made out of sandpaper, we created a false expectation that everyone deserves a good life and good treatment and should have everything everyone else has. I think this mentality permeates this generation of kids now. “How dare you be better, smarter, faster, wealthier, stronger, taller, etc.” “I’m offended that you are making me feel as if I’m not entirely equal to you and everyone else!”

When you think the world revolves around you, anything that doesn’t match your view of that world is bound to be upsetting.

Technology also played an important role in this repulsive cultural trend. One could argue that stupid people have always been offended but now they have the internet which makes it easy to complain, allows them to do so without having to directly speak to somebody and creates an echo-chamber of the most easily-offended that further distorts their view of reality.

Back in the day it used to take effort to be offended. You had to find the address for NBC and sit down at the typewriter to write an actual letter when an episode of The Golden Girls got your panties in a bunch.

Nowadays you don’t even need to get out of your seat and put pants on to be offended. The internet exposed a lot of feeble-minded people (which constitutes the majority of the human race unfortunately) to a lot of information and worse – to each other. Instruments like Twitter and Facebook allow these imbeciles to more easily mobilise and have their whiny voices heard.

Every week there are dozens of new national outrages and boycott campaigns and social media crusades to raise awareness about some offensive thing, or to get someone fired for saying some offensive thing, or to teach people that some previously non-offensive thing has now become offensive. Their goal, they say is to inform and advise, but in reality they’re just created by humourless busybodies who believe that their opinions are more valid than others.

They’ll start some online boycott or petition, which will then trend on Twitter for a couple hours. Some cable news producer, desperate for content, will put them on TV, which only validates the busybody’s already overinflated sense of entitlement. The problem with this is it’s the blind leading the blind.

Unfortunately the loudest voices on the internet aren’t generally the pragmatic, intelligent types; it’s the simpleminded sophists who are commanding the attention of the hordes of fucktards that inhabit the worldwide web.

This is borne out by the fact that the hot topics that people like to get all worked up about are seldom the things that as a species we actually should be offended by. Youth suicide rate? All good. Millions of poor little black cunts starving on the other side of the planet? Sweet as bro. Thousands of people sleeping on the streets tonight? No worries. A dentist shoots a lion on a game reserve? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?? THIS IS AN ABSOLUTE TRAVESTY!!! HE SHOT CECIL?! CECIL IS LIKE MY FAVE LION (APART FROM THE ONE THAT ROARS AT THE START OF METRO GOLDWYN MAYER FILMS, OH AND THE PADDLE POP LION WHO IS A TOTAL BOSS) THAT I ONLY HEARD OF 10 MINUTES AGO BUT HE HAS A NAME DAMNIT WHICH HUMANISES HIM AND I TELL YOU WHAT I’M SO OUTRAGED I’M GONNA TELL EVERYONE ON MY FACEBOOK FRIEND LIST BY SHARING THIS POST!

Truly.

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF STUPIDITY

So just what is being offended (other than a way for stupid people to feel important)? It’s basically an emotional reaction to something you didn’t want to hear, read, or see. The inability to have any response to a situation other than your own emotional reaction seems like a personality disorder, especially since it requires the offendee to believe that their feelings matter to anyone other than themselves. In the end, as harsh as this sounds, who gives a fuck about your feelings? You, your partner and the people close to you if you’re lucky. No one gives a shite that you’re offended, the offence you’ve taken at something you saw on TV or on the internet is completely and utterly irrelevant to anyone other than yourself.

Let’s think about this for a moment. You’re offended. You’ve taken offence. You announce that on a website or comment thread (or to a live human being) as if it means something, as if it’s some grand proclamation with relevance and importance. But all you’re really saying is “I don’t know you and you don’t know me, and we’ve had two totally different lives, but your existence is not validating mine, and that makes me sad, and therefore you should stop doing what you’re doing.”

Do you see how utterly insane that is?

“I’ve had a unique experience of life and my feelings reflect that experience but you don’t, and so YOU’RE WRONG! Stop it! I’m hurt! Can somebody please call me a waaaaaahhhmbulance?!”

The problem is not that you’re “offended.” The problem is that you think the rest of the world should care, do something about it, and change its behaviour to accommodate your inner self. I hate to break it to you, but your feelings are your own. They’re not his or hers or the douchebag writing this article. They are YOURS.

Deal with it you weak cunt.

While I’m often accused of having offended people it is an extremely rare occurrence that I find myself offended by anything people say or do. In order to offend me, first I have to know who you are. Second, I have to respect you and your opinions. Third, the offensive statement (or action) must be directed at me personally, not just a group with whom I may be affiliated. If any of those three criteria are not met, I have zero shits to give.

Yet a lot of people nowadays seem to get all bent out of shape over the most ridiculous things. Let’s have a look at some of the main things that tend to “offend” the soft of cranium shall we?

Being offended by someone else’s mistake

One time I was sitting in a restaurant and this blubber ridden old biatch started to scream at the poor waitress until she was in tears because the cook had put the sauce on the plate instead of on the side “Are you fucking stupid? I clearly ordered the sauce ON THE SIDE. I bet you didn’t even take my order down right. Is it too much to ask JUST TO GET SOME DECENT SERVICE?!” I leaned towards my partner and mused rather loudly “Jeez if she’s down here who’s running hell?” upon which Fatty McFlangebag seemed to simmer down some and even seemed a little embarrassed. The way she carried on was like it was some kind of personal vendetta against her by the waitress to fuck up her day when really the cook probably just forgot because he smoked a fat spliff on his tea break and was inundated with orders.

Being offended on someone else’s behalf

This applies very heavily to the national pastime of the politically correct – accusing everyone of being racist.

“That word/action/phrase/birthday cake is offensive to (insert race) people” is most frequently stated by white morons who, in an ironically racist way, seem to think that (insert race) people are not capable of speaking for themselves. You might be surprised at how alone you are in your stance if you ever asked a group of Native Americans if they are offended that there is a football team called the Redskins. Most of them are too busy working, raising kids, paying taxes, and doing other stuff that actually matters to worry about that nonsense.

I was recently talking to a mate at work about how some people are hard to understand on the phone due to their accents and suggested his lot were shocking for it (my friend is Indian – dots not feathers). This empty headed bimbo who was eavesdropping our conversation decided to pipe up and tell me off because my comment “wasn’t appropriate”. It seems the height of narcissism to be offended by something like this because you assume not only that the person being addressed should be offended (he wasn’t) and the person saying it should give a fuck what you think is appropriate (I didn’t). Here’s a thought; how bout you stop pretending that you matter so damn much and start working on being better at something useful rather than listening to other people’s conversations and being offended by proxy.

Being offended by words

I understand why some words are thought of as being offensive, but I refuse to let a group of letters have any kind of power over me. It is especially self-involved to pick a word that doesn’t really offend anyone and decide to be offended by it (anyone else have a laugh at the recent statement from the so-called Australian of the Year that we shouldn’t use the word “guys” in the workplace as it’s somehow not inclusive towards women despite it referring to both sexes for quite a while now. What a flog!)

I think half the reason I’m so tired of people being offended about things is that it is so damn self-important. “That word makes ME feel a certain way, so EVERYBODY has to cater to MY idiot ways and respect ME and MY feelings.” Fuck you jizz rag.

On another occasion not long ago this absolute winner managed the quinella of both being offended on someone else’s behalf and by a word. In a Facebook group chat (that consisted of stand-up comedians mind you) I ribbed this geezah for living in Sydney and asked when he was gonna stop being a fag and move to a real city like Melbourne. Immediately a tumble weed rolled through Facebook Messenger before this militant lesbian commented simply “Fag?” as if to imply I had committed a mortal sin somewhat akin to raping a small child at its own baptism ceremony and then washing my knob off in the holy water afterwards.

Now I’m not sure if she got the memo that an offended stand-up comedian is like the least funniest thing on the planet apart from AIDS, but I was kinda surprised that she chose to take offence on someone else’s behalf like that for what was essentially good natured ribbing. What surprised me even more though was when my friend who was leading the chat (also a stand-up comedian) seemed to side with her (as she apparently has a lot of gay friends and what I said was offensive to her because of that and I should maybe just retract my statement and apologise). How does get fucked sound? I instantly lost respect for him.

For one because he didn’t have the balls to stand up for a mate that he knows has nothing against anyone (I’m an equal opportunity offender haha) and for two because he’s been gullible enough to fall for this whole con job propagated by limp wristed libtards that we should be constantly vigilant for fear that we might say something to offend someone.

When I called that dude a fag, homosexuality was the last thing on my mind. Similar to how sometimes people ask me, “Why do you use the word ‘Retard’?” “Because I like the way it sounds, the connotation it has, and I can use whatever fucking word I want, retard” is the short answer.

THE END OF THE VICTIM ERA

Make no mistake; we are living in a victim era. People want attention so the best way to do that is to be offended or to be offended for someone else. Everyone wants to be the victim, no one wants to be the perpetrator and a lot of people seem to think if you aren’t one than you must be the other. Victimization garners sympathy and empathy from others. Rather than acknowledge their perceived shortcomings and work to overcome them or work around them, victims use them to justify why they do not have the life they think they want.

We live in a culture that glorifies victimhood. Power is derived from special status, and right now that status is gained by claiming some form of oppression. We are underestimating self-awareness and our ability to strengthen our own emotional intelligence and are mainly focusing on just building up a lot of bullshit to keep everybody comfortable in their complexes. Why change yourself and become a stronger person, when you can just change your whole environment and the people around it, thereby neglecting any personal responsibility at all?

According to the most-basic tenets of psychology, helping people with anxiety disorders avoid the things they fear is misguided. Yet we engender a mentality of avoidance rather than one of confrontation, choosing to teach people that anything that makes them uncomfortable or doesn’t fit their world view can be complained about long and loud enough until someone nurses their booboo and they feel comfy again.

There is a saying: “It is easier to put on slippers than it is to carpet the world.” Yet here we are barefooted, angrily rolling out hectares of carpet across the globe because our feet are cold!

I don’t know enough to make predictions, but if there’s one thing history has taught us is that life consists of a series of backlashes one after the other. Like a pendulum swinging back and forth, except that things never quite go back to the way that they were before.

The backlash against this cultural phenomenon has already started and the pendulum is beginning to swing in the opposite direction. I am far from the only one complaining about what a bunch of pantywaists we have become as I see more and more people voicing their discontent about political correctness.

Some of you reading this are pretty offended and the notion that my Facebook friend list will have decreased ever so slightly by tomorrow evening makes me happy in my no-no spot. But not as happy as knowing that other people reading this are fed up with this politically correct nonsense and would like to start addressing matters that actually, well, matter.

The simple fact is that this climate of fear of social discourse is slowly being institutionalized, and is affecting what can be said in our nation’s classrooms, even as a basis for discussion. It is highly dangerous in that it presumes an extraordinary fragility of the human psyche, and therefore elevates the goal of protecting people from psychological harm past that of a free exchange of ideas and dialogue.

The reality is we are all a little bit sexist and we are all a little bit racist. The politically correct left believes that you can stamp this out by censoring language. They think that if you change the words you use for things, you can change reality. Well you can’t. You can’t make people not racist by banning the word nigger. You can’t stop people from being homophobic by banning schoolchildren from using the words “gay” and “faggot” in the schoolyard, that’s not how it works.

The purpose of a civilised society is to enable all of us to live together in harmony and communicate with one another, successfully build businesses and have interpersonal relationships with one another – despite our limitations and bigotries. Not to try and stamp those imperfections out.

Political correctness seeks to reduce the scope of acceptable thought and language in order to guide discussion in particular ideological directions. Another words, much like religion it is a form or subtle manipulation and brain washing. By rewarding these assclowns who claim the rest of society needs to cater to their every whim and need we are essentially stifling intellectual discussion and creating a victim mentality that denotes a distinct lack of personal responsibility for people’s own lives.

People need to lighten the fuck up and learn to laugh at themselves for a start; there are too many serious assholes on this planet. If you’re the type to get offended over the smell of a fart you need to understand that you are not actually upset by whatever it was the other person said or did (they farted). You’re not upset because the girl at McDonald’s is rude to you, or that prick stole your parking space or because other people can’t seem to keep their fuckin kids off the escalator at the shopping centre.

You’re using that excuse to justify a thought you’re having about yourself and your place in the world. And it’s that thought, your thought, that’s making you upset. For example, if someone is rude to you, it may make you feel powerless (you can’t do anything about it), devalued (she was rude to you because you’re not worth being nice to), or depressed (people in general are just nasty).

All of those emotions will lead to anger which is what being offended is all about: the feeling that you’ve somehow been diminished, causing you to get defensive and angry.

So it’s not my fault you chose to get defensive and angry because I called you a nigga faggot tranny gay cunt who says fuck Islam because they Jihad like retarded little bitches.

It’s yours.