At its most basic, feedback can either be directed at you as an employee or your work, and the person delivering the feedback may or may not be open to discussion on the topic. It usually isn’t too hard to tell whether or not someone is open to debate their feedback. Comments like, “You need to pick up the pace,” or “This deliverable isn’t client-ready,” are not usually invitations to debate the point no matter how much you might disagree at the time. At the far other end of the spectrum, mentoring conversations, performance reviews, and goal-setting discussions can only be productive if they involve a give-and-take between both parties. In between are the gray areas in which the right way to respond depends on the particular circumstances of the situation.

Questions to Ask Yourself Before Responding to Negative Feedback

Assuming you’ve picked the right time to respond, there are a few questions to ask yourself any time you receive negative feedback (er, I mean “growth opportunities”) from your manager. By first pausing to consider these points, you’ll be in better position to have a productive conversation and get to the outcome you want. Naturally, the first thing to recognize first is whether you agree or disagree with the assessment.

When You Disagree with the Feedback:

Before your debate muscles reflexively kick in, pause and ask yourself these two questions before you respond to negative feedback with which you disagree:

1. Does the feedback giver have the complete picture? Usually when it comes to your own work, you are the authority on it and understand best why you made the decisions you did. Some of your choices might seem questionable from a distance until you explain the context and tradeoffs behind them. Sometimes it can be more personal, and you need to make an effort to de-personalize the situation before responding. A while back, I received some delicately worded feedback about my availability and presence at the office. I was still pretty irritated by the comment, since my wife and I had just had our first child and I was doing the balancing act all working parents do. But I cooled off and realized they had probably just forgotten that I took no paternity leave so that I could flex time more often. Reminding them was all it took. The key is, no matter the situation, back up your statements with real context and facts. All things being equal, people tend to prefer their own opinions to yours.

2. Has the feedback been consistent? Without meaning to, people give inconsistent feedback all the time. The more off-the-cuff the remark, the higher the odds of it contradicting something else that you’ve heard. Remember that people usually don’t realize when they are doing this, and that their positions can change significantly for good reasons. Still, it’s incumbent upon you to point out to them when you’ve gotten conflicting messages. I’ve had this happen to me when I began reporting to a new manager mid-review cycle, and I’ve had it happen when the same manager was inconsistent from one period to the next. This can be frustrating, so the best thing that you can do is ask why your managers explain why they’re changing course – and sometimes remind them that they’re doing so.

When You Agree with the Feedback:

Congrats, that’s mighty big of you. If you agree on an area in which you or your work could stand improvement, there are two other questions toward which you should quickly pivot:

1. Is now the time to ask for resources? Negative feedback can provide you with a golden opportunity to ask for things and get them, though people often miss the window. For example, say your manager points out a skill area that he or she would like to see you develop. If you agree, that may be the right time to put together a business case for having the company sponsor you to take a class or get a certification. I’ve written before about all the incredible resources available for learning while working full time, if you’re looking for ideas. And if external training isn’t the solution, it may be contributing to another project or getting some other new kind of exposure within the company to aid in your personal development. Maybe you just need time. The point is that you’re all on the same team, and you might be surprised at how willing your organization is to help you.

2. What’s the next checkpoint? Ok, you agree with the feedback. What now? How can you prove that you’re making progress? Schedule another meeting, another product demo, another review session…something else? This gets harder as the feedback becomes more abstract. If you receive a “needs improvement” on something like communication skills for example, that can be a hard thing to prove you’ve gotten better at. Think hard about how you can show progress, and proactively be the one who recommends the next steps. You might as well take ownership of the conversation when you’re talking about where you need to improve.

How have you dealt with negative feedback before? Would love to hear your story in the comments, or drop me a line – christian@smartlikehow.com