In a decision that has been dubbed a setback to the country’s campaign for sexual equality, a Japanese court has ruled that a schoolteacher must use her married name at work. Coming at a time when many women now choose to keep their maiden names it feels particularly anachronistic. These days it’s not uncommon for men to take their wife’s name instead.

So why do some people change their name while others don’t? It’s even more complicated when you have children: does it matter if you have the same name as your kids? We asked for your stories about whether you changed your surname and why.

Harry Matuszewicz-Milne, 34, from Bristol: I don’t know why more men don’t change their names

My wife is Polish and even over there her surname is fairly unusual. Her dad, who died the year after we married, was very into his family history. I had the impression that it was quite important to him that the name didn’t disappear so I changed my name to a double-barrelled one (merging the two) when we married.

I have never liked many of the traditions involved in weddings – I never even proposed. Why should she sit around waiting for me to make the move? We sat down and discussed marriage and agreed we both wanted to. I also saw her dress before the wedding. I helped her choose it. This obviously caused horror to family members, but she knew what I was wearing. I never would have got the outfit if she didn’t like it, so we both assumed that worked both ways.

I never thought my wife’s identity should become mine just because we were married Harry Matuszewicz-Milne

I never thought my wife’s identity should become mine just because we were married. I also thought it was a lot of hassle to change names, so if she had to do all that, why shouldn’t I?

I suppose I am also quite vain and thought it would be pretty cool to have a double-barrelled and unique surname. In Aberdeen, where I’m from originally, the phone book has about eight pages of Milnes and the idea of being different appealed to me. The only difficulties are that I spend my life spelling my surname out to people and correcting their pronunciation. Also, some online forms don’t allow me to use my full surname because the dash is an unacceptable character (other times it’s just too long).





Janet Gilbert, 57, from Australia: Some resented me keeping my name

I came to London to do a PhD, having studied in Australia, Germany and Holland. At the time I planned to work in academia and was starting to write for academic journals, so my name was becoming known in my field of expertise. I fell madly in love with a wonderful fellow student and we decided to marry. I never even thought about changing my name: I’d had it for 28 years and it was an integral part of me. It was complicated by the fact that my future mother-in-law and I shared the same first name, and already some people were calling me Janet two or Janet Junior: changing my surname would have been far too confusing. However, some members of my family weren’t pleased about the fact I wanted to keep my own name. I couldn’t see why it mattered and after 29 years of marriage it is just not an issue for me. I’m always a bit surprised when friends do decide to change their names upon marrying.

It caused resentment in some circles at first, and there have been occasional instances of confusion. For example, our car insurance premium seemed ridiculously high one year and when I asked why it cost so much to have my husband as a named driver, the premium immediately fell significantly as the company had assumed we weren’t married and were not entitled to spousal discounts.

We’ve had five children who all have my husband’s surname, with mine as a middle name. Some friends have joined their names or given their children two surnames, but both our names would have been a bit of a mouthful for any child, and I didn’t feel strongly about our children having my surname, so we got the balance just about right.

Joanne Phillips, 46, from Shropshire: I feel a bit guilty that I won’t pass on my father’s name



I got married quite late in life (aged 36), so I’d had my maiden name for a long time, and I was reluctant to change it. As a feminist, I also didn’t like moving from Miss to Mrs, while men stay with Mr all through their lives. However, in the end I felt a kind of internal pressure to go along with the romance of it: taking your husband-to-be’s name is a symbol of commitment, rejecting it would have been framed as something entirely different. Plus, I reasoned that I was changing my identity in a significant way, so letting go of the old me, including saying goodbye to the name, was okay.

I’ve never felt able to fully engage with the new person – who is this Mrs Phillips, exactly? Joanne Phillips

Ten years on, I wish I’d pushed for a double-barrelled solution, or simply kept my own name. I’ve never felt able to fully engage with the new person – who is this Mrs Phillips, exactly? But once you use a name professionally it becomes part of you, even if you’re not entirely at one with it. And I do resent that the full burden of identity-changing is placed on women. At the same time, as a parent I appreciate that it is more straightforward if the whole family shares one name. But is that enough of a reason? I don’t know.

Our daughter has my husband’s surname. Thinking about it from the perspective of a name being passed down, I do regret that my former surname, Tasker, will now go nowhere. I have one sister, who has no children. And I feel a little guilty that I won’t pass on my father’s name. Oh great, more guilt.

Shraddha Kaul, 27, from London: In spite of Indian tradition, I kept my maiden name

I am a 27-year-old Indian based in London and I married my childhood sweetheart a couple of years ago. In spite of the Indian tradition of taking your husband’s surname I chose to keep my maiden name for two key reasons. First, it was easier professionally. I work in public relations and communications, and have been a journalist in the past. I wanted to make sure that I was still tied to my work by name. Also, my name is tied up with lots of public records and social media profiles, so it just gets complicated to change it. My husband and family were also supportive of this decision.

Second, I am a big believer in breaking from tradition. I don’t believe that we should behave in a certain way just because we’ve always behaved that way. Instead, I prefer to come up with new concepts and encourage change. After all, we live in a very different world now and even traditional concepts in India, such as arranged marriage, are changing.

I have friends who argued that taking your partner’s name is a sign of commitment to them but I strongly disagree with this. As long as you stand by your partner through the good and bad that’s a stronger measure of commitment and loyalty than just changing your surname.

Fabien Strawbridge, 40, from London: My name is not my identity but my dad’s

I’m in a gay marriage, and chose to take my husband’s surname, simply because it made our financial arrangements easier to navigate. I was also pleased to lose my original surname because I am half Chinese and my surname “Ho” is really short. This means that often when I fill out forms people think the name section is incomplete or I’ve spelt it wrong.

I have been able to change everything except my French passport (I am from France) because the French law doesn’t recognise surname changes, under gay marriage. I did feel a little bit sad losing my surname but it felt like the right decision. I have always felt that my name is not part of my identity, more my dad’s, and my relationship with him is not close enough to feel part of my own identity. I felt sad because my name stops with me, and I was my parents’ only child. One of the big reasons I changed my name was because it would be easier if we had children though. It was for practical reasons rather than romantic ones.