So the folks over at MSG.com put together a bracket of Clyde’s best outfits for his 70th birthday. Being the resident Clyde Frazier fashion expert, I decided to breakdown just how this bracket will go (kind of like Joe Lunardi, except I shave my head instead of wearing some dead animal on it). Onto the bracket.

The Longshot:

The purple zig zag nightmare = 100/1.

Breakdown: This suit has no chance of beating the Cow Suit in the first round, let alone a shot at running the table. The embodiment of a 16 seed. Clyde still pulls it off and oozes swagger, however. Not a shock there.

The Pretenders:

Leopard print suit = 50/1

Breakdown: You know Clyde is on the prowl when the leopard spots come out. The thing about leopard print is that you see it enough that it doesn’t shock you when it is on your TV. Sure, women are usually the ones wearing it, but still. This outfit may not win the bracket, but it definitely gets Clyde laid every single time.

Anything in black & white= 35/1

Breakdown: I understand why they broke this out into Old School Clyde vs. New School Clyde. The guy became a fashion icon back in the 70’s and it’s hard to argue with those pictures. However, it is impossible to escape the fact that these photos are boring as fuck. I mean the first picture in that group looks dull and it is Clyde in a mink coat. Have you EVER seen a black man look dull in a mink coat in real life? Hell no. We need the History Channel to restore the color to these pictures like they do with all those old war movies. That being said, the fact that a black & white picture is assured to make the finals just because of how the bracket is set up boosts the odds up a healthy amount.

Black and silver polka dot suit = 25/1

Breakdown: This is where things starting getting unfair for Clyde and his outfits. If any other human in the world wore this suit, it would be the franchise player of the wardrobe. The cream of the crop. But for Clyde, this is what he wears when it’s laundry day.

The Contenders:

Zebra suit = 15/1

Breakdown: Raw. Stunning. Unapologetically sexual in nature. Name another person on the planet that could pull off that outfit like Clyde. You can’t.

Fancy couch suit = 12/1

Breakdown: Probably the fanciest actual design of the bunch, I am pretty sure I have sat on a couch at a swanky lounge with this exact design. If Clyde’s vocabulary was a suit, it would be the fancy couch suit.

Red cow (strawberry milk) suit = 10/1

Breakdown: I am fairly certain this was bought at a costume store. You can convince me that every other outfit on this list is a legit article of clothing, and I would believe you. But this is 100% a costume suit. And no, I don’t know why you would want a red cow suit as a costume. But that shit is a costume suit.

Futurama suit = 4/1

Breakdown: This suit looks like 2015 did the first time I watched Back To The Future 2. Outrageous, over the top, and INCREDIBLE. The tie also brought me back to the old laser background from everybody’s elementary school yearbook. If you didn’t have that background, you were poor. Plain and simple.

Noticeably Absent:

The knit sweater suit = HEALTHY SCRATCH

Breakdown: In terms of just pure shock value, this would have been very tough to beat. Clyde broke this out right before Thanksgiving, when old man winter showed up early and slapped everyone in the face with his dick. I am sure there is some poor, underpaid intern that James Dolan uses as an ashtray at fault for this. But nonetheless, we move on.

The Heavy, Heavy Favorite:

The cow suit = EVEN MONEY

Breakdown: The 2014-15 Kentucky Wildcats of this bracket. I am convinced this entire tournament was made so the Cow Suit could have another day in the sun. When the team you announce for gives away a bobblehead of you in a suit because your outfit was so ridiculous/amazing, you know you are dealing with greatness. I stared at an eBay auction for this bobblehead way longer than I care to admit before deciding that spending $60 on a free giveaway bobblehead would not be the wisest investment. And I HATE myself for saying “no” to it.

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