EVER find yourself at a party, stranded next to a stranger with nothing but a drink and a tied tongue?

Fear not, because the motherload of small-talk has arrived.

Here are the insane origins of phrases we’ve all probably used in the past week.

NOTE: Take the following origins with a grain of salt (a saying that now means to not take something as gospel, but started out as either an ancient antidote or additive to poison).

RULE OF THUMB

What it means now:

A standard or general yardstick by which most agree upon, like “the rule of thumb is to grease your pan prior to the frying process”.

Origin:

In 1782, Sir Francis Buller a UK man now nicknamed “Judge Thumb”, ruled that a man could beat his wife with a stick as long as it was no wider than his thumb.

While the ridiculous ruling waned as time went on, 19th century criminal records in J. Thumb’s territory alone averaged 1500 cases per year.

AS PLEASED AS PUNCH

What it means now:

More than just pleased. Very pleased. Pretty much as pleased as pleasing gets.

Origin:

Ah, Punch and Judy. That classic duelling husband and wife puppet show that came from Victorian times but still turns up at various fetes worldwide.

If Punch was a normal, decent human being, then perhaps we could utter the saying without feelings of guilt or shame, but considering the puppet was at his most pleased when beating his wife or murdering his son, chances are you’ll think twice before using it again.

BREAK THE ICE

What it means now:

Something to relieve a moment of tension, or ignite conversation, between two parties, usually strangers.

Origin:

First attributed to Thomas North in 1579 while translating some Ancient Roman text, it wasn’t until the late 17th century that this turn of phrase became common.

When opposing nations or groups were faced with trade routes freezing over, they would put aside conflicts momentarily and come together to break the ice in order to reopen the routes.

CAT GOT YOUR TONGUE?

What it means now:

Have you nothing to say/why are you not talking/are you at a loss for words?

Origin:

The English Navy, those loveable goofballs, used to go around swinging a whip with multiple rope endings to keep a victim quiet called a cat-o’-nine-tails.

Allegedly, after these unnecessarily brutal beatings, members of the Navy would joke “cat got your tongue” to the poor ravaged soul they’ve just whipped to bits.

But some believe it derives from the Ancient Egyptian method of silencing blasphemers — cutting out their tongues, which then become dinner for cats.

GIVE A COLD SHOULDER

What it means now:

Barring someone. Turning your back on them in some way, shape or form, whether explicit or implicit.

Origin:

The most popular belief about the history of this saying is that when a British dinner party host wanted his guests to leave, the polite way to let them know was to serve them a cold cut of inferior meat, usually mutton.

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather someone told me to “piss off immediately” than serve me some slab of cold dead flesh.