In this article I interview negotiation expert Alan McCarthy on all aspects and elements of negotiation from beginning to advanced.

This is a HUGE article – but if you take the time to read it and take notes, you’ll definitely learn a lot and come away with some great recommendations.

In this article you will learn:

Let’s begin:

What is Negotiation?

Michael Frank: What’s your definition and philosophy on negotiation? Do you believe in “win-win” negotiation? Or do you believe that negotiation is more about getting the best deal you can by outsmarting your opponent?

Alan McCarthy: I guess you’re referring to the Donald Trump school of negotiation where it’s all about the art of the deal. That’s not exactly negotiation in my view. In my view, negotiation can be defined very succinctly:

“Negotiation is about the resolution of conflict by mutual compromise”

So it’s first of all recognizing that there is conflict all the time. We live in conflict. When you wake up in the morning when your alarm clock goes off, that might be your first conflict of the day. You may negotiate with your alarm clock by hitting the snooze button. This happens all the way right through to when you go to bed in the evening. Your whole day is about conflict.

When it comes to interactive conflict, in other words, when someone else is causing the conflict rather than something else, what you’re looking for is a way of resolving that conflict in a mutually acceptable way so you can both go about your day in a comfortable and intelligent way.

This is where it gets important because the key thing about negotiation for me, is that although win-win is the best way to resolve it, it’s not always possible that both parties get the best win, particularly in a buying and selling situation. If a customer says your product or service is too expensive, well what are you going to do? You can’t win and get your list price, and he can’t win and pay list price. So what we’re faced with is conflict. So what we have to do is find a way of mutually resolving this. And the way you do it is with compromise.

Now when it comes to compromise, there’s two elements you’ve got to think of:

First: How much can I compromise? If you’re working for someone else your boss might say: “You can only get a five percent discount before we go to the board”. But it might be just you. If you’re selling a bike and the bike costs you $500 and you want $520 for it, then you’re obviously not going to ask for $400, because that’s far too great a compromise. You’ll be losing then. You won’t be getting a bad win. You’ll be getting a loss. So the first thing is: What’s my mandate for compromise?

Second: Do I want to compromise with this person? Have they shown me a reason why I should compromise with them to give them a win? If I do compromise, is it going to be a mutual compromise?

So negotiation is the resolution of conflict by mutual compromise. That’s my philosophy and you don’t have to be the top dog all the time.

How to Prepare for a Negotiation

Michael Frank: I know it depends on what’s being negotiated and a million other variables, but generally speaking, what kind of homework and research should you do in preparation for a negotiation? What kinds of things should you know before you go into a negotiation?

Alan McCarthy: Probably one of the biggest mistakes that most amateur negotiators make is they only focus on the price. I don’t care if you’re buying and selling a car, a property, a holiday or anything else. Most people focus only on the price because they think that’s the be all and end all, when actually you might be able to buy a new TV for $500, but there are other elements you should be thinking about such as getting it home safe. So if the guy says: “Okay, I’ll give you a 10% discount, but you’ve got to take it home and install it”, you might think that’s a good deal, but what if you drop it on the way to your car or when you get home? So maybe the most important thing isn’t the price, but the safe delivery and installation of the TV.

Most people don’t give themselves enough room for maneuver, they have this one element of the deal focused in their mind, the price, and they forget about everything else. So will this guy deliver for me? Will he install it? Is he insured for delivery on insurance? Can he do it in a comfortable time frame? Can he deliver it on Saturday morning before the football match starts in the afternoon?

So most people don’t think wide enough in the deal. They also don’t sit down and work out what their top and bottom line is. They only have one idea about the price and that’s all they focus on.

So for example what you might do with the TV is say, I’ve seen them on sale for $450, but I could pay as much as $515. The best case scenario would be if the TV was delivered and installed by the guy from the shop, and the worst case scenario is if I have to go in the wife’s car, put it in the station wagon, drive it home myself, and then fit it with my friend. So straight away we’re going to have a best case scenario and a worst case scenario. And our best case scenario would be that we’d like the TV delivered, insured, and installed for $450. And the worst case scenario is the TV costs me $525, I have to bring it home myself, and me and my friend have to set it up.

So what we’ve actually got now are four elements to negotiate with:

Price Delivery Insurance Installation

So it could be that you pay $525, but the TV gets delivered, insured, and installed for you. Or it could be you pay $450, he delivers it, but you install it. So straight away we’ve got all this room for maneuver. So the biggest mistake most people make is that they don’t give themselves enough room for maneuver around the price, and that’s whether you’re buying or selling.

Know every element of the deal

Michael Frank: So it’s very important to know your bottom line and all of the elements and variables around the deal before going in, instead of just focusing on the price

Alan McCarthy: Yes the most important thing is to understand all of the elements of the deal. For example, if you apply for a job, is the salary the only thing that’s important to you? How about the job title? How about the location? How about the hours you work – and the flexibility of those hours? What about the holidays? Is there a car allowance? Is there free parking?

Because the worst thing that can happen is that you get the salary you want, and then you turn up on day one and find that you’re having to pay $10 a day to park down the road, whereas the guy sitting next to you has a parking space in the company parking lot simply because he asked for it and got it because they wanted to keep him, whereas you’re paying $10 every time you turn up to work. So it’s having the breadth of understanding of what the deal is and every element of the deal, and then having in your mind:

This is what I’m going to ask for

This is what I’m worth

This is what I think is available

And at that point you put everything inline saying I want:

$100,000 a year

25 days holiday

Full flexibility to work from home

Dental and medical cover

Parking space by the front door of the office

And at least three days a year paid vacation for training purposes

Now you’ve got those six elements to negotiate with. And no one is going to say yes you can have all of those things straight off. They’re going to make your work for it. They’re going to make you sell yourself. But if you don’t ask for it, no one is going to say to you three months into your engagement: “Would you like three days off to go do some training on anything you like?”

You have to set those standards for yourself. And this is where most people are either scared, or just not informed.

Michael Frank: When you’re negotiating what do you tend to focus on? Your goals and what you want to achieve? Or on what the other party stands to lose to give yourself some confidence if they don’t make a deal?

Alan McCarthy: I think the first thing you want to do is to make sure that you’re planning broad so that you know what you want on every element of the deal. And you need to be honest with yourself about you what and whether it is achievable. And with each one of the various elements of the deal you need to decide how far you can get pushed without it breaking your back. And at that point you need to find out from the other party what their ideal position is.

Poker faced negotiation vs charming and friendly

Michael Frank: When you’re negotiating, obviously you want to dress for success and present yourself in a professional manner, but generally speaking are you of the opinion that it’s better to be poker faced, stoic, emotionless, revealing nothing? Or do you think it’s better to be friendly, warm and charming?

Alan McCarthy: I don’t think they’re mutually exclusive. I think you can be friendly and warm and still play your cards close to your chest. Ultimately it’s about generating rapport because we want the other party to be mutually compromising with us. Well you’ve got to give them a reason to do it. And most people will compromise with you if they like you. So being likable and friendly is a much better way to get people to want to compromise with you, than just being stoic and hard line professional.

The Top 10 Rules of Negotiation

Michael Frank: Okay let’s go into some of your rules for negotiation. I’m particularly curious as to some of your advanced negotiation tips that most people probably don’t know and have never heard of.

Alan McCarthy: So there are 10 rules for negotiation. They are for everyone. And when we talk about negotiation, it’s not just about getting the deal, it’s about resolving conflict.

Rule 1: Don’t negotiate unless you need to

Rule number one: Don’t negotiate unless you need to. Not everyone realizes this, particularly in buying and selling situations. I’ve come across some salespeople who say “Well our customers expect us to negotiate”. Well they can expect what they like, but you don’t have to do it. And it’s not the customers right to get a discount. It’s not their right to get free stuff. It’s your choice. And you can choose to engage with them on the basis of mutuality or not. In other words are they coming to the table with you, do you like them, do you want to negotiate with the person in front of you, and are you capable of negotiation?

The only time I negotiate is when I have to. The only time I will give you a win, is when your win blocks mine. In that case I will work very hard to give you your win, because without you getting your win, I don’t get mine.

Rule 2: Don’t negotiate with yourself

Rule number two: If you are in a position where you want to negotiate, or need to negotiate, don’t negotiate with yourself.

In other words: If you want $85,000 for a job you’ve applied for, ask for it. Don’t sit down for an interview in a crappy office looking around at some crappy artwork on the wall, some threadbare carpets on the floor, looking at the guy interviewing you in a pair of old jeans thinking to yourself “this guy can’t pay $85, 000”. You never know, the guy in the crappy office might be some kind of eccentric millionaire able to pay you $85, 000 out of his back pocket right now if he wants.

But of course looking around a crappy office you might lose a bit of confidence. But if you want $85, 000, even though the job ad says $75, 000, ask for it, and let them tell you that you can’t get $85,000, not you.

Rule 3: Never accept the first offer

When you say I’m looking for $85,000 for this job, and the guy says “no we’ve advertised it for $75, 000, but just looking at your resume, it looks like you’re only worth $65, 000”, he’s now made the first offer at $65, 000. You’re not going to break rule number three and accept it. What you’re going to do is ask him some questions.

For example:

“Why is that?”

“Why is it you’ve changed that?”

“What is it you’ve seen in my CV?”

“What is it you’ve seen about me in my presentation today?”

So you’re not going to accept the $65, 000. The same way as when you say to them: “I’m looking for $85, 000” They’re not going to break rule number three either. They’re not going to say “Here’s $85, 000, can you start tomorrow?” Now they might be able to pay you $85, 000, but what they’re gonna do is they’re going to make you work for it. They might say, “Okay, well just out of interest, if I was to go above the $75, 000, what extra can you bring to the table? What customers do already know?”

So that’s rule number three, never, ever, ever, ever, ever, accept the first offer.

Rule 4: Never make the first offer – if you can avoid it

Rule number four, is linked to rule number two.

If you can’t avoid making the first offer, then go back to rule number two and ask for everything you want.

“I’m looking for $85, 000 a year, I want a car allowance of $200 a month, I want a parking spot near the front door, I want full dental and hospital and medical coverage for myself and my family, I want 25 days holiday a year, and I want three days paid sabbatical to do some training. So that’s what I’m looking for. How do you feel about that?”

What I’ve done is I’ve broken rule number four by making the first offer, but I haven’t broken rule number two and lost confidence in my position, and there’s a huge temptation to do that.

Rule 5: Listen more and talk less

Once you’ve asked for what you want, ask a question, and then shut up and let the other party fill the void.

The question I usually ask is: “How do you feel about that?”

Notice I don’t ask: “What do you think?” Because if you say “What do you think?” The temptation is for them to come back and say “I think it’s too much” or “I think no one else in this place gets 25 days paid vacation including me”. But if you say: “How do you feel about that?” You get engagement on a different level.

So what we’re looking for are signals from him. So when he comes back and says: “I wasn’t thinking about going as high as $85, 000” does that mean he’s not going to give you $85, 000? No. He said: “I wasn’t thinking about going to $85, 000”. Do you know what? He is now.

And when he said “We don’t usually give more than 20 days vacation a year”. Does that mean you can’t have 25 days vacation? No. What he’s saying is they haven’t done it yet. So what we’re looking for the signals of movement that might come from the conversation.

Rule 6: No free gifts

Don’t give anyone anything for free.

Sometimes people giveaway baseball caps or pens or even tickets to sporting events. You don’t have to give them away. You can exchange them. Now what you get for a pen might be slightly different than what you get from a football finals ticket. I get it. But what you want to do is always make sure that there is an exchange.

Free gifts fall into two categories:

Number one: Cooperation. Never give another party your cooperation for free, without getting cooperation in return.

Number two: Information. If the other party asks you a question, you may want to give them an answer, but you might want to make that answer conditional on them answering one of your questions first, so you don’t feel as though you’re being interrogated. So when the guy says to you: “Just out of interest, where do you usually go on vacation? If you’re looking for 25 days?”

You can say: “I’ll answer that question Michael, but in return, can I just ask, does anyone else in the business have more than 20 days? You said you don’t usually give it. But has anyone else got it?

What I’ve said is that I’m going to answer your question. But this is not a free gift to you. And even in an interview situation, don’t forget that the person who’s interviewing you wants you to be strong with their customers when they put you out, or when you’re talking to the customers who come to their office.

Rule 7: Keep your Jellyfish together

The jellyfish is my metaphor for the whole deal. It’s every element of the deal combined. Inside the jellyfish are all of the elements of the deal. There’s the vacation, the dental cover, the car park, the salary, the car allowance etc. so we have the jellyfish in front of us with all of the elements. We know what our perfect world is. And we know how far we can get pushed.

Don’t ever settle on any one of these elements without making it linked to something else. So when someone says “Okay we can do the $85, 000” you have to say: “Okay, so that’s the 85,000, with the dental coverage, the car allowance, the car park…” and if he says “No, no, no, no. Let’s just talk about the money first”. No. You talk about the money in relation to everything else, because don’t forget, if you’re expected to be at work five days a week and that’s costing you $10 a day for parking, now you’re talking about $200 a month just to car park. So maybe the more important thing here is not getting an extra $2,000 on the salary, but actually having a parking spot that’s paid for by the business.

So keep your jellyfish intact and don’t settle parts of the deal separately. Make sure that everything is linked and then remember rule number six and don’t give away any free gifts.

Rule 8: Avoid the rookies regret

Both amateur and professional negotiators frequently walk away from a deal thinking to themselves: “How well did I do? Did I get turned over on this? Did I get stuffed by the other guy? Or did I come out on top?” It’s a very immature way of looking at a deal. What we need to be doing is saying: “Did I measure and value the exchanges properly?”

And this is one of the things that excites me most about negotiation. I’ve been a salesman for 40 years. I’ve sold around the world in 50 countries. I’ve been involved in thousands of deals involving billions of dollars around the world.

The thing that excites me the most about negotiation is that it’s the closest thing to alchemy in real life. It’s like the magician turning lead into gold. You can do this in negotiation. You can give something that costs you $1, a piece of lead, and when it crosses the magical divide between you and the other guy, it turns into $100 worth of gold value. For example: If we go back to the guy screwing the TV on your wall, he’s experienced at it, he’s got all the right equipment, he’s done it a hundred times before, and it’s only five minutes of his time, which might be $1, but the value to you is that $500 TV is on your wall and secure until the end of time. The value of five minutes of that guys work is immense. That’s lead for gold. He gives you a $1 lead piece and in return you get one hundred dollars worth of gold at the other side.

We call it the three trading questions. If you can answer these three questions, you can avoid the rookies regret, and you’ll be ready to move on from rule eight.

The first question is: What does this concession cost me?

If I’m the guy whose going to be fitting your TV, what does it cost me? Okay, it may only be five minutes. But I’ve still got to drive out there and you might be on the other side of town. Do I need to take any specialist tools? Will I need to carry ladders? If so I’ll need to take a special van. So what does this concession cost me? If I’ve said you can have the TV for $500 and I’ll install it for you, I now know that the five minute installation is actually a one hour job. Am I happy to do that?

The second question is: What is it worth to the other person?

What’s the value to the other person? So if I install his TV is he still going to try to beat me up and get the price down to $450? Or can I hold the line at $500 knowing that he’s going to get that value in return?

The third question is: What do I want in return?

Now in return, I want cash in hand, I don’t want to put it on the credit card, no I want to see hard cash and if that means he has to go down to the ATM or to the bank to get $500 cash, then that’s what I’ll wait for because it’s worth more. Why? Because I get charged three percent by the credit card company, so even though it’s only $15, that’s $15 I get to keep.

Rule 8: Avoid the rookies regret by asking the 3 trading questions:

What’s this concession going to cost me? What is it worth to the other person? What do I want in return?

Rule 9: Always avoid the quick deal

At the moment everyone in the UK is complaining about the government and about why they haven’t come to a deal about Brexit yet. Well no one comes to a deal until they need to. And if you come to a deal too quickly, it usually leaves a sour taste in both parties mouths and you’ll walk away thinking: “I chickened out there and didn’t get enough”, and if you force a quick deal the other party will be thinking: “You got more out of it than me.” So always avoid the quick deal.

And if the other party is putting pressure on you to do a quick deal, it usually means one of two things:

Number one: They’ve seen an advantage for themselves in either money, time, value, or just personal engagement that you aren’t balancing out.

Number two: They’ve seen a mistake you’ve made, and they want to take advantage of you really quickly. So if you’ve put a car on sale for $15,000 and they’re looking at it and thinking, wow, I’ve seen these, and with this spec, and with this age, and the mileage on this car, and the state of it, that’s a $20,000 car. Yeah, okay, well that’s just such settle it at $15,000 and get it over with.

So the minute someone starts pressuring you to make a quick deal, just have a think. It doesn’t mean you have to say no, but just have a good think. Even if you just quickly jump on the net and do some further research.

Rule 10: Never reveal your bottom line after you’ve done a deal

I know it sounds like a no brainer. But every now and again you will break this rule, and the reason you’ll break it is because you’ll be with someone you like, and up until this point you trusted them. What they’ll do is they’ll say: “Great deal. Welcome to the business. Thanks for joining us. You drive a hard bargain as far as salary negotiation. Just out of interest… what kind of car package are you on at the moment?” Hahahahaha. You never tell them. You say, “Well it’s very similar to the one that we’ve got now”. You don’t say: “Oh, I don’t have a car package. I pay for my own at the moment” because straight away they’ll be thinking: “I’ve just given him $200 a month towards a car and I didn’t need to”.

Rule 10: When you’ve done a deal, never, ever, ever, tell anyone what your bottom line was

The Top 10 Rules of Negotiation

1. Don’t negotiate unless you have to

2. Don’t negotiate with yourself

3. Never accept the first offer

4. Never make the first offer if you can avoid it

5. Listen more and talk less

6. No free gifts

7. Keep your Jellyfish together

8. Avoid the rookies regret by asking the three trading questions before you close the deal:

If I make a concession to the other party, what it’s going to cost me? What is it worth to the other person? What do I want in return?

9. Always avoid the quick deal

10. Never tell anyone what your bottom line was after you’ve done the deal

Negotiation mistakes

Michael Frank: That’s a negotiation masterclass in itself Alan. I love it. You mentioned a number of mistakes:

Negotiating when you don’t have to

Not doing your homework

Giving away free gifts

Making a quick deal

Revealing your bottom line

Are there any other mistakes that people make when they’re negotiating that we should avoid?

Alan McCarthy: I think the biggest mistake that most people make is they think that negotiation is just about price. It’s not. It’s about everything. And as I’ve said, if you don’t plan for more than a price point, you are limiting your ability to move for the other party.

The other one is that most people don’t realize that it has to be a mutual dance. It has to be a mutual engagement. So if the other party is playing poker face, if they’re being stoic and making you do all the running – stop. Just stop. It’s your choice. It’s particularly prevalent in customer and sales person situations where the sales person regularly believes the customer has all the power and they have the right to ask them the most stupid and ludicrous requests and the salesperson has to be respond. No you don’t. This is a mutual resolution.

And if the customer is not coming to the table mutually, it is your responsibility to sell well. And if they’re not buying on the value proposition you’ve got, I say walk away with your list price intact. I know it’s a very strong position and it’s very difficult to do, I won’t kid anyone, not everyone can do it. I’m no different to anyone. Sometimes you’ll give in and go, okay, this guy doesn’t need to negotiate with me. I haven’t got enough power. So what I’m going to do is I’m going to give in. I’m going to accept the salary of $72,000. It’s more than I’m getting now. I would’ve liked $85, 000, but he’s not playing and I can’t afford to walk away from the job, so I’m going to take the job, I’ll take it at $72, 000 and I’ll see if I can work up to $75, 000.

Michael Frank: So if you don’t have to make a deal and someone has a take it or leave it attitude, walk away if you can, unless the deal is still somewhat in your favor, then you just take it.

How to resolve conflict

Alan McCarthy: Absolutely, and a lot of people are frightened to walk away because they think that they’ve lost if they walk away, when actually walking away is a sign of strength and power, and that’s whether you’re buying or selling.

The other thing about negotiation is that it’s only one way of resolving conflict. There are four other ways of resolving conflict:

1. You can dictate terms. So the guy in the shop with the TV says: “It’s $500 cash and you take it away – take it or leave it”. You can go, okay, it’s still within my purview. I don’t like it. But I’m going to surrender to these dictated terms.

2. You can surrender. Sometimes surrendering is okay. The guy says: “Look it’s $500, you take it home and fit it yourself. Do you want it or not?” Quite often you’ll sit there and think: “Well it’s Friday afternoon, the big match is on tomorrow afternoon, I need a new TV, I’m going to surrender and take it”. It wasn’t a negotiation, but it’s still okay. You’ve done nothing wrong.

3. You can problem solve. Problem solving is the resolution of conflict by mutual agreement. It’s not mutual compromise. It’s mutual agreement. When someone says this is what I’m looking for, can you think of a different way to do it without compromising on your part? Can you solve the problem in a different way? So when the guy says: “I can’t pay you $85, 000, the most I can pay is $75, 000”. You can say: “Okay let’s look at this in a different way. Instead of you having to compromise on the $10, 000, instead of me having to compromise on the $10, 000, why don’t you give me 35 days vacation instead of 25 days vacation, that way I’ll have 10 extra days to go and do some other work elsewhere, and if you give me that, it’s worth more to me”. Now that’s not a negotiation, that’s solving a problem in a different way.

4. The final way is arbitration. You only go to arbitration, in other words I’ll see you in court, when you’ve got no alternative, it’s a lose-lose and no one wants to go there unless you have to. You know you’re going to lose, the other guy is going to lose, but you’re going to stop the rot today. I’m not going to lose any more.

So when you look at negotiation, it’s only one of five strategies:

1. You can negotiate based on mutual compromise

2. You can dictate terms – take it or leave it

3. You can surrender

4. You can problem solve and fix it a different way

5. You can go to arbitration and get an independent third party to settle it for you

Those are the five ways of resolving conflict. Negotiation is only one of them.

Why you should take the perspective of the person you’re negotiating with

Michael Frank: I think some of the best negotiation advice I’ve ever heard, and something that is quite intuitive to me, is to take the perspective of the person you’re negotiating with and anticipate how they might respond to your offer. Do you tend to do that?

Alan McCarthy: Yeah, absolutely. I mean it’s one of the most important things in life, not just negotiation. If you can work out why the other party feels the way they do, and why they’re asking for what they’re asking for, that’s far more important than just you getting your own way, because there might be a different way to give them what they want. So the more you put yourself in their shoes and the more that you question them so that you really understand what they’re asking for and why – the better. So when the guy says: “It’s going to be really difficult for me to fit the TV in your house”. You can say: “Why is that?” And he might say: “Well usually I would do it, but this weekend the van is away being repaired”.

So you think, well I’ve got the car, why don’t I go and pick him up? Then you could say: “If I was to go and pick you up could you do it?” The guy says: “Yeah, that’d be brilliant. Not only does it save me time and money, but I actually save on gas and door to door service, and you know where you live so it’s not going to be hard for me to find your place so that’ll save a lot of time. Yeah, okay, you come and pick me up at 10.15am and if you can bring me back at 11am, we’ll get this done on Saturday morning”.

So when someone says no, I can’t do it, I’m not comfortable etc. there’s usually a reason and if you think from their perspective, there’s usually a way that you can help them with that will help you as well. And if there isn’t, there isn’t. You can’t win them all.

Can you renegotiate a crappy deal you’ve made?

Michael Frank: We’re talking worst case scenario, but what if you’ve made a bad deal or screwed up a negotiation and stupidly signed a bad contract for something? Is there any way to renegotiate a crappy deal that you’ve made?

Alan McCarthy: It depends on who you’re with. There are some environments where once you’ve done a deal, it’s in tablets of stone. They won’t allow you to change it. What I have done in the past is, do you remember I was talking before about the three trading questions, and sometimes you don’t ask the right questions before you close a deal, and the other guy gets more value out of it than you, and he closes the deal down quickly before you realize that you’re at a disadvantage. I’ve had it in the past where I’ve made an error at the end game of a negotiation and then realized it after I’ve signed the deal. Now in some circumstances you can then go back, particularly if the other guy knew you’d made a mistake, you can go back and say: “You know I made a mistake there don’t you, you know I made a mistake and I sold you that car (or whatever) way below it’s list price”.

At this point he might be forced to say, well, yeah, I did realize that, but at that point you’re probably not going to be able to change the deal, however you might get something else in return. What you might do is ask for a concession in return for your mistake. Now bear in mind that the minute you ask for another concession, they’re going to ask for something as well, so it’s a very difficult thing to do. When you screw up a negotiation, usually you just learn from it and move on. Every now and again however, under some circumstances, you can reopen it. Not often. Not many people are that forgiving.

Summary

Michael Frank: Alan, this has been a negotiation masterclass. Is there anything else that you want to add in conclusion?

Alan McCarthy: I think in conclusion, I would go back to the first statement I made.

“Negotiation is about the resolution of conflict by mutual compromise”

1. Recognize what the conflict is and understand it properly from both sides

2. Make a decision that you need resolution by negotiation. Make that decision and work with it

3. Understand your wants and needs, and the compromise you’re prepared to make, and are capable of making

4. More than anything else, more than anything else, is the other guy mutually engaged in this resolution? In other words, have they recognized the conflict? Do they need resolution? Are they capable and desirous of compromise? Because if they’re not, you can do all the work you like and they will still screw you down

Michael Frank: Alan McCarthy thank you very much

Alan McCarthy: You’re welcome. Thanks Michael!

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