Princess Pricklepants’ kingdom of Quillonia was a peaceful and prosperous place, ruled by the benevolent Princess along with the kind regent Sir Sandwich.

Sadly, the jealousy of the neighboring kingdoms (and perhaps some indiscrete raids by Princess Pricklepants in her younger days) brought war to the land. The Redvian siege towers, ballistas, catapults, and other well constructed siege equipment rambled up to Castle Fischer-Price, cruel weapons of war brought forth the dread of dark doom. The enemy called forth demanding a tribute of treasure and that nice chalice looking thing on the roof of the castle.

Princess came forth and taunted the enemy cruelly, telling them that their mothers were hamsters.

Anger swelled in the hearts of the cruel warriors, who while knowing very well that their mothers were not actually hamsters, still took that kind of thing very personally. Princess added further insult by showing them her back side.

Sir Cowflinger, leader of the Redvians cried back, “I am not angry, just very disappointed. That was incredibly rude. We now demand both a tribute, and an apology for that hurtful taunt.”

“You want rude? You don’t frighten us you red-sworded cotton headed ninny-mugginses. Now go away, or you just might find your feelings will get hurt again!” (Due to their unique evolution, Hedgehog taunts are a little odd.)

Unfortunately just after she finished her rousing speech, she slipped, which took a lot of the impact away, as the Redvians laughed. This made her feel very embarrassed.

She quickly righted herself, composed herself, and smiled, and pretended that the slip didn’t actually happen. The smile was helped by the fact that she knew about her secret weapon.

Will war tear the kingdom apart? Will cows fly? Will we get a better lighting setup? Will we iron the sky? Some of these questions will probably be answered in Part II.