New citizenship test to focus entirely on the value of negative gearing

After a day of heavy consultation throughout the suburb of Point Piper, Malcolm Turnbull has announced that Australia’s citizenship test will focus entirely on the value of negative gearing.

Immigrants wanting to become citizens will now be required to understand how they can reduce their marginal tax rate, obtain discounts on capital gains tax and advanced concepts such as “accelerated” depreciation. They will also be required to speak the language of Sydney property prices before they can become full citizens.

“There are many values that define Australians: the value of the rental yield, the value of the depreciation of your assets, but above all, it is the value of the tax write-off of all the interest cost on an investment loan that defines a true Aussie.”

Mr Turnbull dismissed concerns of critics who said he was out of touch with the majority of people.

“I have listened to a wide variety of investment bankers, insurance brokers and hedge-fund managers — the type of ordinary, everyday people you bump into on the street as you walk around your suburb,” he told reporters outside his Point Piper residence.

“Values are not something you necessarily have, they are something you aspire to have — just like an investment property. Look at me — I seem to be completely valueless, but I do have tons of investment properties — and, in the end, isn’t that what it’s all about?”