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Duration: 87 minutes

Rating: TV-14

Score: 4/10

Cyberbu//y is the story of Taylor Hillridge, a high schooler who one day is tormented by some bullies on the Internet. However, she eventually learns that the best way to deal with mean people on the Internet is to not let them get to you and…

Oh, wait, I’m sorry, I’m subconsciously replacing this movie’s plot with one that actually sounds reasonable.

The movie Cyberbu//y is about Taylor Hillridge, who gets a new laptop on her birthday. She’s your standard movie teenager: Relatively good home life with a mother who’s reasonably concerned for her daughter’s well-being, a brother whom she fights with a lot, has a couple friends, hated by the popular girls, wants the jock, etc. etc. She decides via peer pressure to join the new SOCIAL NETWARKING CRAZ “Cliquester.” I guess YourSpace and Facenovel just weren’t doing it for some people.

The entire concept of Cliquester is that it’s supposed to be, like, SUPER RAUNCHY omg. With profile questions like “What’s your favorite body part” and “What color underwear are you wearing,” it’s practically a pervert’s candy store. Its UI is simply terrible, looking as though it was made during some 90’s grunge craze with gifs everywhere and every button making a sound. Standard sort of nonsense you get when your writers have never set foot on anything outside of Google.

Eventually though, stuff goes downhill as a MYSTERIOUS HAXXOR posts EMBARASSING messages on Taylor’s profile! And since everyone knows that everything everywhere on the Internet is always true, the vultures descend and Taylor, like, TOTALLY freaks out you guys! Things only get worse and worse as more untrue lies are spread about her. Luckily though, Taylor has the quick wits to run damage control and stop it before it gets completely out of hand.

…haha, I’m just kidding. It all actually culminates in the most hilarious suicide attempt ever put on screen.

See, it’s difficult to actually like Miss Hillridge because of her constant whining about her Rich White Kid problems. You mom doesn’t let you have Internet on your phone!? The nerve! How do you survive! Plus it becomes quickly apparent that she’s kind of a bitch to all her friends. But the central issue of the movie is the entire idea of cyberbullying.

Yes, there are some nasty things said online within the film. But if you pay attention (or have common sense, either one) you’ll notice that some awful stuff goes down in school as well. The only defense the film’s “antagonist” has is that since the stuff is happening online it’s not harassment or illegal, but since there’s actually stuff happening in real life, it transcends the notion of “cyberbullying” entirely and becomes actual bullying. Luckily, Taylor’s mother realizes this and successfully sues-

Ahahaha, I’m kidding. They get a law making cyberbullying illegal, thus allowing parents everywhere to continue neglecting their children’s online activity in favor of letting the government do all the work.

This movie is awful. Leaving the technological inaccuracies alone, it manages to confuse cyberbullying and actual bullying, creating a huge hole in its plot. The acting it your standard made-for-TV-movie bad and concludes like an afterschool special where a SINGLE IMPASSIONED SPEECH CHANGES THE HEARTS AND MINDS OF THE WORLD AND MAKES EVERYTHING OKAY AGAIN. The only reason it gets anything higher than a 2 is because they do actually discuss proper damage control techniques and how to handle bullies online, though much, much later in the film than they should.

It’s worth a couple unintentional laughs, but otherwise this is one to skip.