Magicpaintbrush Sat 11-Jan-20 09:21:32

It's good that you have booked counselling. I think you need to get to the bottom of why you did it, but it is also vital that you start to actually 'get' the enormity of the betrayal and to try to genuinely understand how what you did will traumatise your wife. Knowing your spouse has had sex with someone else behind your back is absolute agony - it is in many ways more painful than bereavement, and I don't think you are anywhere near comprehending that at the moment.



Would it be fair to say that you are following the very common script of a man who was happy to get married and have a child but then began to feel sorry for himself when the reality of responsibilities/ parenthood etc kicked in, and that in your head your wife gradually became less of a 'woman' and more like a piece of furniture in your life who you no longer really 'see', and who is just there, and who is no longer exciting to you because she isn't 'new', like the OW? I have seen this happen in so many marriages, where over time a spouse (often the husband - sorry but just speaking from experience) starts to view their wife and child as some sort of booby prize they are stuck with, and then their head is turned by a woman who is exciting only because she is new. You need to actually remember who your wife is and why you married her. She didn't change, only her circumstances did, and you have really let her down. Underneath the daily grind, the parenting, etc she is still the lovely woman you wantec to get married to and it sounds like you have forgotten that or just can't see how fortunate you are to have her. She needs to be your No.1 priority going forward. She deserves much better than this and hasn't done anything wrong.



It also goes without saying that you have also betrayed your child by doing this. They had a stable family life before which you have now put at risk by destabilising your marriage. They could end up growing up in a broken home and seeing a great deal less of you if you end up divorced because you cheated. Did none if this occur to you before??