obsessionisaperfume:

marquessadessantoss:

exitpursuedbyasloth: fandoms-and-feels-everywhere: Can we all just appreciate how Tyrion is being so loyal to Sansa that he doesn’t want to have sex with her until she’s okay with it? Yes. He should totally get a cookie for not being a rapist, because that is a thing we do, praise men for not raping children when they could totally gotten away with it. … And that’s what it comes down to. Thank you, Sloth, for that graphic.

I’ve finally figured out why posts like this PISS ME OFF so fucking much.

Yes, we live in a culture where we learn misogyny and rape culture just by breathing. Yes, this needs to change. Yes, it would be wonderful if all men would just get that memo.

But how in the blue fucking hell are they supposed remember that message when literally everything around them is telling them that it is perfectly all right to take advantage of someone because they can? When literally everything in their culture is telling them that if they do take advantage, they won’t really be punished for it? When that message is reinforced hundreds of times every single day, to the point it just about drowns out everything else?

I mean, look. How much does it hurt when you do something well, or something you’re proud of, and somebody tells you, “Oh, I suppose it’s all right, but you could have done so much better”?

Or when you’re learning how to do something hard and you finally get it right after so many failures, and somebody says, “Well, technically it was right, but your form was sloppy, you really should have tried harder.”

Or when somebody tells you, “You really should have known how to do that,” even though nobody’s ever showed you how or given you the means to learn how.

That’s exactly what posts like this are saying.

If women being told that we should have just tried harder or known better or practiced more or been more like your sister makes us want to stop trying and give up, how do you think this kind of rhetoric is going to make men feel? And don’t you dare tell me their feelings don’t count, because that’s bullshit. Feelings matter. EVERYONE’s feelings matter. Especially if you want to change the way people think. Making people feel like they can’t win no matter what they do or how hard they try is counterproductive to changing thought patterns.

Yeah, this is the twenty-first century and we shouldn’t have to still be saying this stuff, but “ought to” and “is” are two different things, and whining about “should” butters no parsnips. The way to change the way people think about rape culture is to make sure they know what’s acceptable and what’s not, and to reinforce the desired behavior. That’s basic psychology.

So, hell YES we need to say, “Look, that guy, he’s doing things right! That’s how it’s supposed to work! Good for you, guy!” Because that message needs to be louder and stronger than the message they’re getting every day from the culture they live in.

In the end, the people who are going to change the way men treat women are other men, and the more who believe, deep down, that rape culture is wrong, the more who can see it around them, the more who want it to change, the sooner things will change.