The weird and wonderful world that is Andrey Arshavin's official website gives fans from around the world the opportunity to ask their hero questions. And, on a regular basis, he responds, whatever the nature of the query. It has offered a curious insight into the mind of an individual with a keen sense of humour. Here are some examples.

Question: I've read that you were kicked out of school in the second grade because you tore the class register to pieces. Why did you do this?

Arshavin: I got a good mark at mathematics, but I was sure that I deserved an excellent one.

Question: Andrey, what kind of sport do you think is more difficult: soccer, hockey, skiing or something else?

Arshavin: Any sport is not easy in its own way. A good tennis player will give in to a mediocre boxer. And this boxer will lose to a chess player.

Question: What is a better way of talking to a girl: to tell her the truth or to tell her what she wants to hear?

Arshavin: It depends on what you're after.

Question: Hi, my name is Nastya. I'm almost 14 years old. I like you very, very much, because you are very, very handsome and play football like no one else. I think of you all the time, write poems about you and love you very, very much! What should I do?

Arshavin: Homework!

Question: Tell me, when you wake up, do you get immediately out of bed or do you look at the ceiling before you get up?

Arshavin: It depends on the position I wake up in.

Question: Hi Andrey, my question is: how can I improve my dodging technique?

Arshavin: By working on it.

Question: Is it worth it to try and correct a man whose vices are unbearable for society?

Arshavin: Probably it's worth it. He is still not a brainless animal.

Question: Andrey, are you frightened of bears?

Arshavin: On the contrary, I like bears.

Question: Hi! I'm overweight. What shall I do?

Arshavin: Lose weight.

Question: My name is Olga, I'm 13 years old. I go out for football and I'm your biggest fan. My dad does not allow me to play football, but I want to -- Andrey, tell me what to do.

Arshavin: Listen to your Dad.

Question: Andrey, what do you think people need pain for?

Arshavin: For people not to forget that they are mere mortals. Some people say that suffering purifies the soul.

Question: Hi. I am 25 years old and I'm still not married. My parents are very upset about this. They say I can end up a spinster. But I don't want to get married yet. What shall I do?

Arshavin: I think I can help you. Step 1: You need to find a scruffy heavy drinker. Step 2: Once you've found him, try to persuade him to "marry" you. I think that for a small amount of money, he will agree to fulfil the role of your fiancé. Final: Bring this guy home. Tell your parents he'll live with you. I think next time they will think better before forcing their opinion on you.

Question: Hi Andrey, in what order would you place the following animals: a tiger, a cow, a pig, a horse, a sheep?

Arshavin: A pig -- it will always get the last place! A tiger, a cow, a horse, a sheep. And I'll repeat that a pig is always the last one, because it is a pig.

Question: How do you see yourself in 50 years?

Arshavin: 78-year-old man, with aching legs and a glamorous walking stick

Irish Independent