Clear away the cobwebs and get up to speed on the intricate events of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. with our rhyming recap of season 1.

Our story began with an agent named Phil

Returning to S.H.I.E.L.D. after dodging a kill

With a spring in his step and a grin on his face

He’s fresh from Tahiti, that “magical place.”

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He convinced Agent May to pilot his plane

Although she was scarred by events in Bahrain.

As specialist, Ward, who signed on with defiance

And young Fitz and Simmons would handle the science.

Also on board, though we weren’t sure why

Was a sassy young hacker known only as Skye

And though we’re still missing her origin story

We know she’s one-hundred-percent 0-8-4-y.

The group slowly bonded through various threats

Kill-switches, aliens, ghostly regrets

And though May and Ward started knocking their boots

It seemed that the team had begun to grow roots.

But all was not easy in Phil Coulson’s mind

Tahiti, he found, was not real but designed

Could he really survive such a gory attack?

Or had something more powerful summoned him back?

He wasn’t alone in pursuing this theorem.

The girl who invented the Centipede serum

Just like our Coulson, was desperate to learn

How the dead agent pulled off his return.

So Raina – who’s totally crazy for flowers

(And seems to think she has some overdue powers)

Kidnapped AC for just one revelation:

The agent was changed by his reincarnation.

But when Skye discovered the Clairvoyant’s plot

She met up with Deathlok and got herself shot

Desperate to help the young hacker survive

Coulson tracked down some “GH-325.”

Drained from an alien, floating in goo

The stuff had kept Coulson’s heart beating on too

But though it saved Skye, Agent C remained wary

The side-effects certainly promise to vary.

With Skye on the mend and the Clairvoyant near

Coulson thought they might just be in the clear

But this was a feeling he’d come to regret

Coulson and crew hadn’t seen NOTHING yet.

When Captain America found out the truth

– That HYDRA had hidden in SHIELD from its youth –

It kicked off an organization-wide fight

As those in the shadows crawled into the light.

Among them was Garrett, Ward’s old SO

Who was the Clairvoyant! A terrible blow

Instead of clairvoyance or psychic coherence

All Garrett had was security clearance…

And one other ace that he held up his sleeve

We’re not gonna lie, it was hard to believe

That Ward, our stoic and well-muscled slime

Was working for HYDRA the whole frikken time!

Ward credits Garrett with making him strong

He does what he says, if it’s right or it’s wrong

There’s backstory there, but it’s still sorta foggy

Suffice it to say, we think Ward shot his doggy.

When Coulson and co were informed of this twist

We’ll put it like this: They were mildly pissed

They focused that fury to hatch a new plot

With SHIELD resurrected, and Ward… you know, not.

But not every point went according to plan

Simmons and Fitz found themselves in a jam

When Garrett gave orders, Ward didn’t complain

He dumped poor FitzSimmons right out of the plane!

Stuck in a box with the ocean above

Leo told Jemma that he was in love

They rigged an explosion with no time to spare

And were saved by Nick Fury from up in the air

But there was a catch, as you certainly know

(Remember, this thing is a dang Whedon show!)

And so we have suffered a summer of pain

Not knowing what happened to Fitz’s poor brain.

The rest of Team Coulson attacked Cybertek

Where May got to kick Agent Ward in the neck!

Skye rescued Peterson’s kidnapped son, Ace

And Deathlok went dancing on Garrett’s dumb face.

With Ward apprehended and Garrett defeated

Fury gave Coulson the answers he needed

Like an Avenger, the agent was vital

And speaking of which, how’s about a new title?

Fury’s becoming a private protector

Now Agent Coulson will be the Director

Once at its heart, he will now be the head

Coulson himself will raise S.H.I.E.L.D. from the dead.

Raina popped in on a guy dripping gore

She said that she’d found what he’d been looking for

Though 20 years past, he’d started a slaughter

Raina has located Skye – Drippy’s daughter!

And so season 1 had reached its conclusion

Except for a moment of massive confusion

Coulson did something that left us dismayed

He walked through the darkness and pulled out a blade

He rested the knife on the first wall he saw

And slowly – and scarily – started to draw.

Circles and lines, for hours he drew

But what does it mean? Well, bring on season 2!

We hope you had fun with this recapping rhyme

And be sure to watch S.H.I.E.L.D. in its sexy new time

At 9:00 p.m. eastern – make sure you remember!

On Tuesday, the 23rd day of September.

What are you most excited to see on ‘Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.’ season 2?