These exam answers are from undergraduate level science classes at a university ranked in the top 30 according to the 2013 U.S. News and World rankings. Enjoy.

1) Plain Idiocy:

Great Job. Way to be detailed. A for effort.

2) Terrible attempt at sophisticated answer:

This person has the handwriting of a 6 year old. The second answer reads “Volcanoes release lava that grabs + traps fallen CO2 at the bottom of the ocean floor. Keeps the water cycle in check.” You don’t have to be Neil deGrasse Tyson to recognize how utterly incorrect that is.

3) Impeccable Spelling:

Okay, now you’re just making up words kid. DeforestIZation. PhilosophIZer. Quit while you’re ahead.

4) One of The Guys:

You sir, have figured out the game.

5) Circuitous but correct answer:

This kid thinks he’s funny. But, really, he’s just that guy at a sports games who thinks shouting stupid things is funny. I hate that guy.

6) Classic frat/lax bro answer:

-5centgypsy