How to be a Good Ally

Fist of all:

Be aware that if you are heterosexual or if you are cisgender, or if you in no way identify as being a Queer pagan, you have an immense amount of privilege in the Pagan community. There are a lot of harsh realities that the whole spectrum of us Queer Pagans have to face, and each one causes us to feel unwanted by the Pagan community that barely even tries to represent us. You will not have this specific problem.

You will most likely never be closed off from your Gods by other worshipers because you don’t fit the heteronormative and/or cis standard. You will never be banned from a certain ritual or rite because you were told you weren’t a “real” man or woman. You will never be denied a part in representing the Gods because of who your partner is. You will never be erased by others in the community because you do not conform to their idea of Gender, You will never be told it’s too much trouble to include you. You. Are. Privileged.

Keep that in mind.

Don’t assume that just because you are not homophobic, transphobic, cissexist, and you don’t push the heteronormative or advocate for Queer hate, that you will never say or do anything insensitive. We all make mistakes. Saying hurtful/ignorant things happens to all of us. But, if you do happen to say something insensitive then you need to own up to it, educate yourself on why you were wrong/insensitive, correct it, and apologize. If you do that, we’ll get along fine.

Don’t assume you know everybody’s struggles or that you can identify with everyone’s struggles.

Do not try to gender everyone or assume you know their sexuality.

Ask Questions. It’s better to take the thirty odd seconds to ask us if you aren’t sure if something is acceptable to say/do/question then it is to take the countless hours to fix any mistakes that might have been made had you not asked first. We do not speak for the entire Queer Community, so you will also need to educate yourself if we cannot help you with certain matters.

Always ask for pronouns and USE THEM and RESPECT THEM. Always use the name the person gives you as well. Don’t ask whose top and whose bottom. Don’t tell us we are “making that up” about our identities. Do not create fetishes out of us. Do not restrict or regulate our religious practices because our Queerness makes you uncomfortable in the community.

If you see/hear someone acting homophobic, heteronormative, transphobic, transmisogynistic, queerphobic, or anything along those lines? Stand up against them. Challenge them, educate them, show them why these behaviors will not be tolerated. Stand up against Queer Hate. Don’t let it slide.

If you see any cissexism or heteronomative behaviors, or if you see anyone preaching that only cisgender or heterosexual people matter in the community? You smack ‘em with the heaviest cauldron you got. Challenge them, educate them, show them why these behaviors will not be tolerated).

If you see anyone pushing forward the ideal that only the heterosexual cisgender person is worth the time of a God or Goddess (or what-have-you)? Challenge them, educate them, show them why these behaviors will not be tolerated.

If you see exclusion and erasure of any kind made towards a Queer Person, Call that person out and educate them on why that is not okay.

It’s important to be accepting. We’re not looking for any special treatment, we don’t think we’re better than anyone, we’re just asking for the same acceptance as anyone else.