Somewhere in Manitoba – Researchers have determined that a city once thought to be lost in the Manitoban wilderness is continuing to endure.

The existence of Winnipeg [pronounced “Win-uh-peg”] and its precise location had long been debated by geographers, archaeologists and Torontonians.

“I have studied the myth of Atlantis and the destruction of Pompeii” said Dr. Laars Bazzan head researcher and archaeologist at the University of Toronto. “But nothing has mystified me more than the legend of Winnipeg. Its mythical frosty winter climate, tremendous spring floods and hordes of bloodsucking bugs would make any form of civilization nearly impossible.”

Serendipity struck when the research team’s flight to an academic conference in Vancouver was forced to divert due to mechanical difficulties.

“We landed in a strange place where people have an inert desire to be friendly. Not only did this fabled place exist, the society was far more advanced than I could have ever imagined. They even have a mediocre professional sports teams and an IKEA!”

Despite the similarities that this long-forgotten city has with other Canadian cities, there are a few unique differences.

“First, there are no above-ground pedestrian crossings at their busiest intersection. Second, the people here have a complete contempt for another mythical city called ‘Regina’. Third, everyone was slurping down semi-solid neon concoctions.”

After their discovery, Bazzan and his team will continue to study the society and try to solve some of Winnipeg’s most puzzling mysteries such as the whereabouts of the mosquito-killer, Taz Stuart.