Meanwhile you gaze at the menu -- you can afford the steak or lobster, but your metabolism is such that you order one sea scallop with a spoonful of rice and emulsified celery, with a pitted prune for dessert, lest you wake up at 3 a.m. whinnying in pain, begging to be shot and put out of your misery. And now the conversation is about calcium supplements. Chewable or the other kind. I'm dubious about entrusting someone from this age group with our foreign policy.

Listen to me. Old people run for office because they're bored, hanging with their peers. Bernie is tired of the club with Mitch McConnell, 74, Orrin Hatch, 82, John McCain, 79, Charles Grassley, 82, and is having the time of his life on the hustings, a teen idol at last. Fine. But check out that 25th Amendment about presidential disability and how, if the boss' brain turns to tapioca and he crouches behind bushes in the Rose Garden talking to Grover Cleveland, the vice president must conspire with the Cabinet to bounce him out of office. It isn't exactly clear how this would actually work and the thought of three or four months of wrangling about incapacity is not a pleasant prospect. And two candidates seem incapacitated right now.