I’m usually very up on the kids movies that are coming out because I love to review movies in this online space for parents, but the past few weeks have been mind-bendingly busy for my family, and I completely missed that a new kids movie called Show Dogs came out this weekend. The premise looks cute, so I’m glad I missed it: at any other time I probably would have seen an online trailer and just taken my seven-year-old with me to see the Show Dogs Movie when I watched it for my review.

Turns out, it appears the Show Dogs movie has some problems.

After what I’ve learned about it from another parent review, I am SO GLAD my son did not see this movie. Let me explain. Terina Maldonado, parent reviewer for the Macaroni Kid website DID take her kids to see an advanced screening of the movie as part of her job with Macaroni Kid…but she came away with some seriously BAD feelings about the movie. I’ll let Maldonado explain in her own words.

It all started out fine, she says:

“The premise is great for a kids movie. Max is a talking police dog (voiced by Ludacris) who is paired up with a human partner, Frank (Will Arnett) to infiltrate a prestigious dog show and rescue a kidnapped baby panda. Being a tough dog from New York, Max has no business competing in a dog show but uses his street smarts to outperform the competition to get closer to the inner circle of kidnappers. Along the way, Max learns lessons about trust and the need to accept help from others. The usual hilarity ensues with dog farts, bites on the rear-end, and slap-stick bonks to the head which elicit giggles from the audience. “

It’s when Max the police dog learns what he has to do to truly go undercover and be accepted as a legitimate show dog that the trouble with this movie starts. WHAT does Max (and apparently all the show dogs) have to submit to?

Having his private parts touched and inspected. Yep. Maldonado continues:

“What could have been solely a fun movie for kids that would get my highest recommendation is damaged by a dark and disturbing message hidden, not so subtly between the fluffy dogs and glamorous parties of the show dog lifestyle. As part of any dog show, contestants are judged on their abilities and physical attributes. One part, in particular, is the inspection of the dog’s private parts.”

Max, of course, is NOT cool with this, and when his partner Frank and a former champion show dog try to get him to accept this process, a certain dark and very dangerous theme for kids emerges. Maldonado explains:

“Since the inspection of the private parts will happen in the finals, Frank touches Max’s private parts to get him use to it. Of course, Max doesn’t like it and snaps at Frank for him to stop. Max is then told by the former champion, who has been through the process before, that he needs to go to his “zen place” while it happens so he can get through it. More attempts are made by Frank to touch Max’s private parts, but Max is still having trouble letting it happen and keeps snapping at him.”

Max needs to get it together, see, and LET PEOPLE TOUCH HIS PRIVATE PARTS, or he might lose the competition and fail at his mission to rescue the kidnapped panda.

Do you see what’s happening here? Max’s success is riding on whether or not he lets both his partner (for practice) and a stranger (the competition judge) touch his private parts.

IN A KIDS MOVIE. WHAT???

Newsflash, folks: THIS IS CALLED GROOMING and it’s what sexual predators do to kids!

It gets worse. Maldonado describes the movie’s dramatic dog show finals scene:

The day of the finals come and if Max doesn’t let his private parts be touched, he may lose the competition and any hope of finding the kidnapped panda. It all rests on his ability to let someone touch his private parts. The judge’s hands slowly reach behind Max and he goes to his “zen place”. He’s flying through the sky, dancing with his partner, there are fireworks and flowers-everything is great-all while someone is touching his private parts.

So a stranger touches Max’s privates and it MUST feel good because Max has gone to his happy place while being fondled.

UMMM. NO.

Maldonado saw the movie with not only her kids, but her husband and her mother too. After the movie, all three adults felt uncomfortable with the “private parts” stuff. She says:

During the movie, I kept thinking, “This is wrong, it doesn’t need to be in a kids movie. Everything else in the movie is good fun except for this.” Afterward, my husband mentioned that he picked up on this message too, as did my mother who saw the movie with us.

Maldonado then goes on to mention that she is a survivor of child abuse, and describes how she will talk to her kids about the movie and that part in particular and use it as a lesson to instill in them they lessons she’s already taught them about how “we never let anyone touch our private parts, what they should do if anyone tries.”

How the script and premise for this movie EVER got approved scares the CRAP out of me! This is 100% indoctrination. I will not apologize or care if anyone thinks I am crazy for thinking so. This is letting a movie of funny cartoon dogs teach our kids that hey, “sometimes ya just gotta let someone molest you.”

NOPE. Parents, do NOT go see the Show Dogs movie. And please share this so other parents won’t make this mistake before they know what’s up. The message here is WAY beyond inappropriate — it’s downright DANGEROUS for our kids!

***