Old lady who struggled by with absolute best of everything somehow reaches 90

A Windsor lady will reach 90 years of age tomorrow, despite having to contend with the absolute best of everything her entire life.

Elizabeth Windsor, 89, has confounded critics who seem stunned that she has managed to reach the age of 90, something only half a million other people in the UK somehow managed to do.

Royal fan Simon Williams told us, “Living to the ripe old age of 90 isn’t easy, and she should be commended for her steadfast conviction in enjoying the very best treatment the human race has to offer.

“She has to live in a palace, deal with servants, eat only the best food, be seen only by the best doctors – I really don’t know how she does it.

“It’s almost like she’s let the stress of paying the mortgage on those places just wash over her; she’s a credit to the nation.

“You’d never guess she raised four kids, would you? Running round after that number of children can take its toll, but not on her.

“She’s also had one job her entire life, which is amazing in this day and age, what with monster.com and recruitment consultants. You’d think there’s no loyalty to your employer in modern society, but she’s remained our queen despite what I’m sure were lots of other lucrative offers.

“Oh, and the pubs are staying open later to celebrate – did I mention that? Love her. Love her to bits.”