Since Beastio Theorio is still in its infantile stages, I’ve been trying to market the dignity out of it. Most of the people I have advised to visit the blog are amateur or novice lifters. I’ve recommended this blog as a launching pad for their journey of becoming goddamn Adonises. However, I think I may have jumped the gun a bit. I just realized that whatever novice lifter visits this blog is going to be accosted by pontifications of the philosophy of lifting, a mockery of those who are not educated in health culture, a prolix podcast discussing advanced peaking programs, and an instructional article on how to activate one’s glutes. Honestly, the novice lifter may not even know what a glute is. What is that, a fucking gay flute or something?









A "Glute"





The point is that while we, the creators of Beastio Theorio, may have been ensconced in the strength field for years, the new reader has not. The things that interest my partner and I are radical, obtuse, and quite frankly, information that should be progressed towards.

So here we go, backtracking at its finest. This article is about strength. Simple, straight-forward, lift some heavy weight, get big, get jacked, strength. The benefits of strength training are exorbitant. No matter what your physical goal is, having strength as your base is going to aid you in your quest. Obviously if you want to put on muscle, gain size (as many of our male readers may want), you’ve got to lift heavy and utilize big, compound movements. Compound movements are going to release growth hormones that doing faggy bicepcurls in the squat rack will not. Want to lean out and burn fat instead, as many of our few female readers may want. Nothing is more taxing and exhausting than the compound lifts. Putting on lean muscle is going to increase your natural metabolic rate and will make you a veritable calorie and fat burning furnace.





Now nothing is bigger and more compound than the fantastic four of lifting: THE SQUAT, THE BENCH PRESS, THE DEADLIFT, and THE OVERHEAD STRICT PRESS. I’ll now convey to you what has worked for me and what has not worked in regards to increasing my main lifts. So now a presentation only about strength. And I promise I will not turn this into some allegory about how Quan Duc was able to commit self-immolation without even flinching.





More composed while burning alive than you are in rush hour traffic.









THE STRICT OVERHEAD PRESS









I’ll begin with this lift first because in this epoch it is treated with much impudence. In this day and western world, everyone insists on inquiring how much you bench. It wasn’t long ago that the overhead press was the king of the upper body lifts. In fact, it was rare that any powerlifter would even perform the bench press. Entire events, meets, and championships were centered around the overhead press. However, through sly marketing and implanting the notion that the overhead press was potentially injurious to the lumbar area, slowly the bench press maneuvered its way into the trifecta of powerlifts. While a vague and flickering palimpsest of the overhead still exists in professional competition, it is quickly becoming a fourth wheel in a world that insists on riding a tricycle for some odd reason.





Ken Patera, 472 lbs Overhead Press: More impressive than your college degree or teen pregnancy; whichever you decided upon.









However, if you want to build some fantastic upperbody development, look like a goddamn revolutionary in your innocuous gym, and simultaneously accrue some serious shoulder, triceps, upperback, and core strength, I strictly advise you do this lift.





Let me discuss the aesthetic reasons first. In my opinion, nothing creates a more pleasing upperbody than a pair of wide, rounded shoulders, topped off with some towering traps. Forget about pectorals that obtrude an entire foot past your face. Forget about the nearly vestigial biceps. I have never received more compliments about my physique until after I instituted overhead press as a major part of my program. (Albeit these compliments were mostly from men. What’s wrong with you, ladies? Stop fawning over some 135 lbs. boy who has a peanutbrittle six pack and begin to recognize true hard work.)





Like tits on a fat chick.





So what’s benefited my overhead the most? Well, it’s this Russian peaking program I just completed: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f8efscPc4NU/Re5JGH5EOFI/AAAAAAAAADk/1zAuHy3Fc6o/s1600-h/Russian+Bench+Program.bmp





It is a nine week program which ultimately increased my overhead by 15 lbs. That may not sound like a lot, but trust me, for this lift and in that short of time, it is. Essentially the secret to have a respectable overhead is frequency. The best way to up your numbers is to keep hammering this lift. On this program, you are performing the overhead two days a week (one heavy session and one recovery session with 80% of your max.)

Hammer the form for this lift; that’s what will benefit you most. Keep the shoulder accessories basic and at moderate weight. Seated dumbbell press, standing single arm dumbbell press, and the infamous Klokov Press should be the accessory exercises you consider. Also remember to hit the upperback with chin-ups, facepulls, and rear-delt flys.





This lift is as raw as it gets. You couldn’t possibly gear up for it. Man up, get a powerful looking upperbody, and do this lift.





Military press in application.









THE SQUAT









The squat is widely considered the cornerstone of powerlifting. It is a primal movement pattern and should be a major part of everyone’s lifting program. A quick appeal to the ladies: all females should be squatting as much as possible. Only good will come of it. It will shape and sculpt the glutes, thighs, quads, core, hamstrings; essentially every area the female wants to be appealing and every area the male wants to gawk it.





I don't care about your earrings, your nailpolish, your necklace, your shoes, your hairstyle. Just do this.









As for males, quit neglecting the lower body and walking around in skinny jeans that expose your utter lack of development down south. A pair of chicken legs is emasculating and should be a matter of ignominy. If you want to emit a sense of power, explosiveness, and sexual prowess, get a pair of tree trunk legs and strut while quaking the earth.





Complete with the thrusting power of a gentle Spring breeze.





For the longest time I hated the squat. I began lifting as a gangly teen, so the mechanics of the squat were awkward; my femurs felt too long, my torso felt too short, and frankly I felt that the squat was unnecessary. The truth is, even if your primary concern is to develop a big upperbody, there certain growth hormones that can only be released by squatting.

The way I overcame my form issues with the squat is primarily through box squatting. For about a year I only box squatted. I squatted twice a week; one day very light to focus primarily on form and explosiveness, and one day heavy. After I switched from box squatting to free squatting, the form seemed to manifest naturally.





Not a box squat.





Squat form is going to vary for every single person and there is no correct form. It is something you’ll have to discover yourself. However, what I can tell you is that nearly every novice lifter is weak in their posterior chain. Make sure to do plenty of hamstring, glute, and core work. Stiff-leg deadlifts, goodmornings, lunges, glute-ham raises, dumbbell snatches, and kettlebell swings are the accessory lifts I utilized to correct this weakness.





Simply put, to be strong, you have to move weight. The squat is the exercise which will allow you to move the most net weight.





Captain Kirk, sans the Shatner.









THE BENCH PRESS





Fucking hell. As much as it pains me, I suppose I have to acknowledge this lift. How could I not? It is the single most popular gym exercise. Except for maybe chicks fruitlessly toiling at moderate pace on cardio equipment. (Sorry, I still can’t overcome the fact that females actually devote time to cardio rather than squatting.)





Let me just reiterate.





Honestly, I didn’t bench for the longest time. I have an 80 inch reach, so the distance from chest to lockout is like the distance a man with an erection must stand from the toilet seat. Also, I was competing in combat sports, so the bench served no mechanical purpose. You wouldn’t believe how many proponents of the bench press, people with no fighting experience, insisted that the bench press transfers into throwing a punch. Scott Mendelson benches over a thousand pounds (suited to hell like he’s attending a fucking wedding, wake, and job interview all at once.) According to their theory, in a boxing match, he’d send me flying out of the ring and into the high rafters, where I fall into the lap of some broke bastard in the cheap seats. Yeah, let’s set that fight up and see how it goes.





Yep, the look of every successful pugilist.





But recently I decided that I may as well have a respectable bench. I know I won’t be breaking any records in the lift, but hell, I don’t want high-school kids out-benching me and taking all the high-school girls. Here’s what I have learned while increasing my bench:





1. Form, form, form. Get your form down. This isn’t an article about form but form is key for this lift. Learn how to utilize leg drive, retract your shoulders, create a lower back arch, tuck your elbows, grip the hell out of the bar, and PAUSE ON THE CHEST. If you are not exhausted and if your ENTIRE body is not stressed after a set of bench, you aren’t doing it right.

2. Hammer the hell out of triceps. Do closegrip bench, tricep extensions, rope pushdowns, lockouts, and dips.

3. Bottom position pin presses were most likely what benefited me the most. It helps you build explosive strength out of your sticking point.

4. Make sure you’re hitting the back as much as the anterior. Develop your lats and upperback.

5. There is no such thing as chest strength. Focus on learning how to contract the chest; that’s about it.

6. Oddly enough, stronger shoulders did not increase my bench. Go figure. Most likely because I bench fairly closegripped. Depending on your grip/form, your primary movers will differ.

7. There is a significant difference in upper body density when you are benching compared to when you are not.





You know, I believe most people’s dislike towards a lift originates from the fact that they are not naturally good at it; they know they will have to put in work. But honestly, as soon as you commit to working at it, and as soon as you see progression, you’ll warm up to the lift.





And if you are thinking about competing in powerlifting meets, bench can many times be salient in determining a victor. Take a look at Stan Efferding and Konstantin Konstantinovs; two of the top powerlifters of the day. Efferding essentially squats K.K’s deadlift and K.K deadlifts Efferding’s squat. But what sets the two apart is that Efferding has approximately a 70 lbs higher bench than K.K simply because, to put bluntly, K.K doesn’t seem to work as diligently at the bench. (I mean, I know he does bench nearly everyday and I've even seen him bench near 600 lbs. touch and go. However, I am assuming due to injury, now he settles putting up low 500 lbs. benches in competition. The weight generally flies up and leaves the crowd confounded as to why he won't attempt more.)





K.K. Bench Press: Close grip, no arch, minimal leg drive. Not a single fuck was given.









DEADLIFT





Ah, the deadlift. Eschewed as pernicious by the pussies and embraced by the brave as a true test of strength. It doesn’t get much simpler than having a heavy ass weight on the ground, bound by gravity, and then picking it up.





K.K in his element. Still no fucks are given.





There isn’t any other exercise which works more of the body than the deadlift; hamstrings, glutes, quads, thighs, core, lumbar, hips, back, traps, shoulders, forearms, all are being utilized when performing the deadlift. The deadlift was always my “go to” exercise when I wanted to hush a gym room. What impressed the amateurs most was being able to pull 350 lbs. with one hand. Their nesciences of lifting made them surmise that surely two-handed I would be able to pull double that amount. Simply science.





There are more variants of form to the deadlift compared to any other lift. What’s the best one? Whatever allows you to move the most weight safely. It is common to experiment for years with your form until you find the most proficient one. Truthfully, no accessory lift is going to help your deadlift more than discovering your form and executing it CONSISTENTLY. But despite that, the squadron of accessory lifts I’ve used for my deadlift consists of stiff-leg deadlifts, deficit deadlifts, rack pulls, goodmornings, and a high volume of bodybuilding style back work.





In regards to frequency, I have gotten away with long layoffs from deadlifting without my numbers regressing. And I mean LONG layoffs; sometimes close to a year. Now I’m not saying this is recommended if you want your deadlift to increase, but what I am saying is that you most likely do not need to do this lift as much as the others. There are accounts out there of big deadlifters who performed the lift every day of the week. There are many more accounts of lifters who will not even perform the lift until a few weeks out from a competition. The choice is yours.





Not convinced that you want to deadlift? Well, according to Jon Pal Sigmarsson, four times World’s Strongest Man winner, “There is no reason to be alive if you can’t do deadlift!”





Jon Pal Sigmarsson; ironically, not alive.









So if your goal is to be a person who is capable of impressive corporeal acts, who harbors a strength that can be unleashed at any instance, who walks breeding jealousy into the hearts of aesthetes and athletes, you need to follow a program that is built around The Fantastic Four.









No, not these fags.

(To see an example of how to integrate these lifts into a routine, venture HERE.



