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This article was hard to write. Because I’m exhausted, folks. Why? I’ve been battling trolls, while also trying to be empathetic. I’ve tried to remember they’re still human beings, men who have suffered misfortune. In an effort to alleviate the pain caused by their difficulties, they choose to see the worst in our species, rather than the best.

I can’t help but wonder: If I’m exhausted just talking to them, the trolls among the MGTOW movement must be suffering horribly under a monstrous burden of continuous suspicion and hostility toward the world. No wonder they seem so fatalistic.

Trolls are the online dark side of any movement, and MGTOW trolls are no exception. I’ve been subject to some “comment abuse” at their hands, but thankfully I’m pretty self-confident, so the name-calling doesn’t bother me.

Observation: it’s interesting that most trolls hide behind pseudonyms and never show their faces. They claim to be protecting their privacy and even their livelihoods from a “gynocentric backlash.” The more rational explanation would be because they know full well they are committing “psychic violence” against other human beings, and are trying to suppress their remorse. They also know like attracts like, and worry about retaliation. Bullies don’t like to be bullied, after all.

Yes, it’s demoralizing to see so many men wallowing in a mire of paranoiac misogyny. It’s depressing to see so many giving up on open-mindedness in favor of the cold comfort of intolerant gang mentality. Therefore, I’ve committed myself to helping those MGTOW who might want a way out of the movement, to find a better path forward.

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It’s scary how people in insular, radicalized groups are so steeped in confirmation bias and attribution error that anyone who even slightly disagrees with them becomes a hated enemy. In the case of MGTOW trolls, any disagreement with their ideology means you are instantly labeled a “blue pill male” who is effectively a “gender traitor” (a phrase borrowed from The Handmaid’s Tale, which depicts a female-suppressing dystopian America).

It doesn’t matter to the trolls that I have no personal interest in being a liberal, or a feminist, or a follower of any other human-made social construct that would limit the free expression of my individuality. All that matters is they can cram me, and everyone else, into a neat little category, making it all-too-easy to hate “the other.” Everything I say to the trolls is warped to serve as fodder for their straw man arguments. Such has it ever been with ideological zealots.

Sigh.

Yes, I know, you can’t change the mind of someone who is not ready to change. You can lead them to the water of tolerance, but you can’t make them drink. So, I’m done trying to reason with the trolls. Instead, I’ll converse with MGTOW and other men willing to engage in rational discussion.

In other words, I think this MGTOW exploration “miniseries” of mine is complete. I’ve learned enough about the roots of MGTOW to understand what the “ideological competition” is offering. Going forward, rather than delving into the roots of negative male mindsets, I’m going to commit to advocating for the heroic masculine.

But before I return to the positive side of masculinity, I want to address some things that came up during my Real Men Feel show encounter with a MGTOW who called himself “Dan.” I suggest you watch/listen to that discussion because what follows isn’t an exhaustive dissection of his arguments, but rather a highlight reel of ideologies that most MGTOWs seem to share. In future articles, I will be presenting positive and constructive alternatives to the negative and destructive beliefs outlined below.

The Devil is in the Statistics

Like many MGTOW, Dan mentioned research and statistics that serve as supporting “evidence” for his belief system. In particular, some MGTOW have shared a 2012 University of Michigan Law School paper that discusses a big gender disparity favoring women in federal criminal case outcomes.

Guess what? I really don’t question the viability of the statistics. However, the research doesn’t usually mention the personality profiles of the men underlying the statistics. How many of them were fully invested in the negative male behaviors of emotional unavailability, intimidation, and hyper-aggression? Were they really all victims of “a gynocentric system biased against men,” or is it possible that many of them fell prey to their own adherence to self-destructive behaviors?

Now, I do believe men can be unfairly judged by a societal perception that they’re not suitable to be primary child caregivers. Though progress is being made to reverse that stereotype, such progress has been unfortunately slow.

A Cozy Mythology of Toxic Certainty

Like any human-made group, MGTOW has its foundational mythology. Unfortunately, one of the movement’s basic tenets is that men and women are captives of biology, and our primary motivation is simply the passing on of our genes. Small consideration seems to be given to our higher brain function and the potential to rise above our basic urges.

In this nihilistic genetic game, women are given the role of shallow, evil succubi, who go through life with the overarching focus of finding the best breeding partner. The archetype of women as deceptive sirens is ancient and stretches from the original sin of Eve in the Bible to the duplicitous machinations of modern female supervillains. In other words, radical MGTOW are, unfortunately, riding a really old, lame horse.

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However, the perpetuation of this unrealistically simplistic mythology in the digital age can have deadly consequences. Look no further than the motivations of Alek Minassian, who used a van to kill ten people in Toronto in the name of an “Incel Rebellion.”

Yes, I know MGTOW and Incel ideologies have structural differences, but the subtext is the same: the scapegoating of women for male woes. Both groups cling to a dangerously convenient cosmology in a desperate attempt to find where they fit in a seemingly uncaring universe. But their illusory certainty comes at the heavy cost of their own well-being and, more horrifically, brings suffering to the women they revile.

The Continuing Challenge of the Heroic Man

I believe it’s time more of us were simply humanists, focused on serving each other rather than blindly following artificial “samethink” ideologies that only divide us. Heroism, by its very nature, is about drilling down to the fundamental bedrock of our shared humanity.

In my first MGTOW article, I issued a challenge to men, whether or not they’re in any form of “men’s rights” movement: don’t blame other people for your problems, because you give away your ability to improve your situation. I stand by this challenge. There is a heroic man in all of us, waiting to rise above our challenges and petty scapegoating.

So many people spout the Gandhi quote about being the change you want to see in the world. But those are just empty words if you don’t take action! You can wish for the world to treat you better all you want, but until you put some proverbial skin in the game and take part in the story of life, you will not find the results you seek.

Men, don’t let yourselves be lost! Heroism is about stepping out into the world and moving beyond yourself in order to find yourself. Stop sitting back in the safe space of obsolete and harmful beliefs. As Shakespeare wrote, there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy. Get out there, and you’ll find the world is more beautifully complex than any ideology can teach you.

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