"Once the Armenians set up their independent state they declared war on everybody. There is a wonderful moment when places become independent – the tears running down the cheeks of the archimandrites into the rumbles of their double chins, and then the double-headed lobster goes up on the flag, which is printed on Marks & Spencer Y-fronts. The national anthem starts, which has been written by a Budapest Jew. They have a cabinet meeting and say, 'What shall we do, Excellency?' 'Let's invade Georgia on Christmas Day'. So they end up being attacked by everybody – it's like Paraguay. One should be respectful, but one can't."