Reykjavik—Today, CCP released an announcement which sent shockwaves around the globe. The now long forgotten title of Walking in Stations has returned, in a way no one would have ever predicted: As a feature-length motion picture! CCP Games, in partnership with their new sister corporation CCP Films, made the announcement to the applause and cheers of a small hand-selected audience at their headquarters in Iceland.



“We want to thank everyone involved, and most importantly, our new film director and benefactor for providing the funding necessary to even consider such an endeavour,” said CCP CEO Hilmar. “After all of our previous successful ventures, we know CCP Films will become a pillar of the CCP family for years to come.”



A short preview reel without editing was shown to the gathered audience. With the NDA finally done with, we can share with you our opinion on what we saw. We here at the Onion are the least biased media source possible, so prepare for an actual, honest review.



From what I saw in the screening, the plot will follow an Amarr Navy captain and his spiral into delusion, enmity, and destruction. Characters are somewhat inconsistent across the multiple scenes we were allowed to view, leading me to believe this will be a more realistic depiction of New Eden; a universe full of loyalty, loss, and madness. One scene in particular tugged at my heartstrings—the disheveled and emotionally drained captain looks to camera and simply states: “Anything for my Princess.” and then…laughs?



Much like the innovative ideas from the game studio, CCP Films brought in a director that also acts in his movies. He is also the script supervisor, head accountant, chief of advertising, and much, much more. It’s none other than Tommy Wiseau! Stars are converging on this new film studio as we were also told there would be many other big names appearing in this film. Rumors fly that Mark Hamill may make an appearance, but that is still conjecture at this point.



This film will mark the maiden voyage of the CCP Films company, and will be a pivotal factor in deciding the future of the studio. Most that were in attendance had high hopes, but like all things related to EVE, there were a few extremely vocal detractors. Most of the concerns revolved around budgetary issues and the length of the filming process. It has, after all, been over a decade since the idea of Walking in Stations has existed. According to some cast members, Director Wiseau is a very deliberate man, and has spent weeks, even months filming one scene.



There have also been rumors of corporate espionage; attempts to ruin the film in countless ways. Fingers have been pointed at Cloud Imperium Games—the studio behind Star Citizen—as they have recently filed copyright claims on the title “Cloud Imperium Movies” suspiciously soon after the Walking in Stations film was announced. In an official statement recently released,they unabashedly denied any involvement.



Expect to see Walking in Stations in a theatre near you, Coming SoonTM