Vaginas drip. They leak. Sometimes, they gush. They expel period blood and natural lubrication and discharge and sometimes partners' cum, and if you'd like to put your dick inside one, you should probably get used to it. The feeling that your vagina isn't tight enough for pleasurable penetration — for either you or your partner — is valid, and many women notice significant changes in tightness after childbirth and as they age. Some of these women choose medical procedures, while others opt for Kegels or specific positions or sex toys . If you aren't feeling wet enough for a good time, meanwhile, lube is a great choice, and Rousey aside, women are beginning to discuss using lube openly and positively. If you feel you get too wet and either you or your partner is missing out on sensation, there are tricks for that too: "I'd start with offering the gentle reminder that everyone has different levels of natural lubrication, and there is no 'normal'," Marin says when I ask her for advice, "but in terms of logistics, having a lot of lubrication can of course decrease the level of friction and sensation." She recommends removing some of your natural lubrication from your partner's penis, if your partner has one, with a quick hand job or by rubbing the penis between your breasts before you hop back on (or under or beside). You may notice that all of these strategies are for pursuing pleasure, not appeasing the vagina police. So go forth with your lube and your Kegels and sex toys and hand jobs, and know that things might get messy, because vaginas are messy. Not "nasty," and not indicative of our modesty or our sexuality — just messy, and also glorious.