ESSENDON star Paddy Ryder could walk away from the game if the Bombers block his move to Port Adelaide.

The ruckman has revealed he feared for the life of his unborn son at the height of the Bombers’ drugs scandal as he opened up on his 20-month ordeal as one of 34 Dons accused of doping.

“I can’t really put into words the amount of worrying and stress that we were both under, hoping that our son, Harlan, was going to be OK,” he said yesterday.

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Ryder has requested a trade to Port Adelaide and has threatened to take Essendon to the AFL grievance tribunal, where he could try to get out of his contract by arguing the club breached its duty of care.

The Bombers have refused to budge on demands for a star player from Port in return for Ryder, and say he is a required player.

“Tt would have to be a good deal for us otherwise Paddy will stay an Essendon player,” coach James Hird said this week.

But Ryder’s manager Paul Connors says that won’t happen.

“We are not walking back to Essendon,” he said.

“If this doesn’t end well, Paddy could be lost to football which would be really sad.

Asked on 3AW this morning if Ryder could retire, Connors said: “If Essendon try to block any avenue that he could get to another club, he probably would.”

media_camera Paddy Ryder with his wife Jess son Harlan, 11mths. Picture: David Caird.

Ryder revealed he felt the club had let him down throughout the footy crisis.

“It just put so much stress on my partner and my family, it’s something that we couldn’t hide from. The only place I could really hide was on the footy field,” he said.

“At first we were really scared (about Harlan). What has panned out over a long period of time is that we felt badly let down by the club and lost trust and faith.”

When the supplements program began, Ryder recalled: “We were told it was going to be good for our footy.”

He’s now desperate to leave Essendon for Port Adelaide and a fresh start with partner Jess McDonald, whom he’ll marry on Caulfield Cup weekend, and their children, Liliana, 4, and Harlan, 11 months.

Ryder revealed there were times during games over the past two seasons where his mind would be consumed about the fears for his son.

During his interview with ASADA last year, Ryder was informed that there was ­potential for serious complications with his then unborn child because of the club’s supplements program.

“It was just a lot of worrying, a lot of time where it just consumed you during the day,” he said. “We just tried to get ourselves through this time as best we could.

“To this day Jess still worries. We’ve had discussions with (Essendon doctor) Doc Reid, he says everything is clear. But going through all that uncertainty, it doesn’t just clear up with someone saying, ‘It’s all good now’.”

media_camera Paddy Ryder kicks at goal. Picture: Michael Klein

Ryder said if the saga had been settled within six months, as the players were repeatedly told by club bosses it would be, he would have played out his career in red and black.

He would not the discuss the role of embattled coach James Hird, describing their relationship as “pretty good”.

He said he hoped Essendon and his teammates understood his decision to move on.

“I have tried to be the best footballer and best person I can be with everyone,” he said.

“The club says that they have the players’ best interests at heart. I have already told the club it is not about money, it is about my happiness and my family.

“I love and respect the boys, I’m not turning my back on them. I love them and am ­always going to support them and respect them, but I am just doing what is best for myself and my family.

“For me that is elsewhere, I’m looking to go to Port.”

Ryder, 26, could force ­Essendon to release him from the final two years of his contract at the AFL Grievance Tribunal if a trade is not orchestrated before next Thursday’s deadline.

Hird was yesterday successful in his bid to have his Federal Court appeal against ASADA expedited. His appeal before the Full Federal Court will be heard on November 10.