With each pick of the 2015 draft, the Seahawks set out to accomplish two goals, one primary and one secondary. Below lies the truthful and unbiased account of how they aced all 16 objectives.

(If you're looking for an complete A-F grading system that evaluates each pick as if the writer had any clue whatsoever, when really, haha-haha, please feel free to visit these excellent posts that do a quite excellent job of judging without enough information to judge:

Mel Kiper, not so bad actually

Pete Pr*sco, you don't have to click here, you are the master of your own decisions

Burke and Farrar, sure

And nfl.com too.

But trust me, you'll get more out of reading this one.

Pick 63: DE Frank Clark, Michigan.

Primary goal: To somehow acquire first-round talent at the end of the second round, in a draft generally considered to contain 15-20 true first-rounders.

Grade: A

Don't listen to me, listen to the venerable Rob Staton, he of seahawksdraftblog.com: according to Staton, Clark compares favorably with the #3 overall pick, Dante Fowler. Both statistically and physically. Just click on the link. Bookmark the site, too. You're welcome in advance.

Secondary goal: To be controversial, which is to say, be yourselves, Pete and John. Purposefully do what "they" -- everyone, including your fans -- don't expect you to do, or even want you to do.

Grade: A x A

No explanation needed.

Pick 69: WR/KR Tyler Lockett, Kansas State

Primary goal: To improve the kick return game, which was totally lousy (citation needed, nah, fuck it) in 2014.

Grade: A

Pete Carroll values special teams contributions as much as any coach in the league. Maybe more. With Lockett the Seahawks obtained one of the top two kick returners available, according to many scouts, and an instant starter at a position of dire need. There were no returners on the Hawks' 2014 roster who could

and not a lot of receivers who could

Welcome to Seattle, Tyler.

Secondary goal: use the team's 11 picks to get a difference-maker at some point last Saturday.

Grade: A

From my perch as the amateuriest amateur out there, I don't endorse the use of four selections on Lockett. I'd have preferred to see more volume drafting or acquiring additional 2016 assets, especially with the traded picks all being mid-rounders. That is a lot of draft capital to spend on one player.

But Carroll and Schneider apparently viewed their pile of picks as ammo to move up this year rather than next. So without regard for the opinion of draft analysts, they made their move when it felt right, and they got their guy, before someone else got him. That much is indisputable, and a such, earned them an A.

Pick 130, Terry Poole, OT, San Diego State

Primary goal: Stock up on OL for competition and depth.

Grade: A

Poole is expected by many to slide inside and immediately compete for a job. But he played both tackle spots for the Aztecs while at SDSU... if somehow he sticks at tackle or shows enough promise to make that happen someday, maybe he unlocks the secondary goal.

Secondary goal: Hunt for a way cheaper replacement for Russell Okung.

Grade: A

As someone just mentioned, if Poole is a competent LT, the team could allow Russell Okung to walk after his rookie deal expires. Okung's cap hit in '15 is 7.28 million; in '16 he's not on the books: either you'd have to extend him or let him walk. On a squad that now has to pay Wilson, Wagner, and others, any cap savings are welcome. Especially regarding a guy who has missed 26 percent of Seattle's games since entering the league, and has yet to play 16 games in any one season.

Pick 134, Mark Glowinski, OL, West Virginia

Primary goal: To accumulate two offensive linemen before it got too late in the draft.

Grade: A

Glowinski was on the wish list of many FGers this spring. He's an interior lineman. Coincidentally, Seattle lost two starting interior linemen in the offseason. Weird.

Secondary goal: To super-obviously placate Bruce Irvin after selecting a possible LEO-DE hybrid candidate as their very first pick. It worked, as Irvin was hoodwinked into praising the pick from his alma mater.

Grade: A+ for deviousness amid negotiations

See?

3 first rounders last 3 years! #WVU — Bruce Irvin (@BIrvin_WVU11) May 1, 2015

Cables gonna love glow. Nasty like sweezy — Bruce Irvin (@BIrvin_WVU11) May 2, 2015

Well played, Pete 'n' John, well played.

Pick 170, Tye Smith, CB, Towson

Primary goal: To replenish the LOB.

Grade: A

Richard Sherman and Kam Chancellor won't last forever, Byron Maxwell has the gall to play for a non-Seahawk team, plus Cary Williams might be good and he might not. Tharold Simon might never be able to stay healthy, or become awesome. Who knows when Jeremy Lane will return. Is Walter Thurmond available?

Secondary goal: Are you kidding? None needed. LOB members are the bloody fangs of the Seattle Seahawks' quarterbackivore defense. They must be sharpened in every draft.

Grade: still A

Pick 209, Obum Gwachum, DE, Oregon State

Primary goal: Take your pick. Could be either to shore up the defensive line or to bolster the special teams unit or just doin' some ol' fashioned BAA (best athlete available). Maybe even kill all three of those stones with one single bird.

Grade: A

Whichever criteria speaks to you most loudly, PCJS satisfied it with this pick. Gwachum is raw -- just one year on the line after entering OSU as a receiver. But he's the kind of player who could immediately step in on ST: 34 3/8 arms, explosive profile, though he may well need time before seeing the field much (NFL.com has a pretty decent pre-draft breakdown here).

Secondary goal: To provide fans with hours, if not minutes, of fun nickname-making.

Grade: Total A

Can't wait to say "Gotcham!" every time Gwatcham gets a sack!

Dibs on "Gwatcham by golly wow"

"The time has come," the Walrus said, "to talk of many things."

Double dibs on "Holy Gwatchamoly"

Yes, that's a Seahawk logo that keeps showing up in all of your selfies at the Tucson Mariachi concert. You're welcome.

You should feel free to pile on in the comments below.

Pick 214, Kristjan Sokoli, OL, Buffalo, Albania

Primary goal: To reward Tom Cable, for a Sweezy experiment well done, with a new project.

Grade: A

Seriously, Sokoli used to be a nosetackle. Read up a little more on him courtesy of Kenneth's story here, which takes you away from Field Gulls but I trust you can find your way home by now.

Secondary goal: To give measurables guru and FG writer Zach Whitman a sparqgasm.

Grade: four sigma A

This secondary goal got knocked out of the park like a Taijuan Walker fastball. First, congrats Zach for telling us in advance who the Hawks were going to draft. Look at this too:

Extra credit tertiary goal: To corner the market on Albanian fans.

Grade: A for Albania

Pick 248, Ryan Murphy, DB, Oregon State

Primary goal: To draft and develop a taller (6-3) Byron Maxwell type. Then flip him before he gets expensive.

Grade: A

Think about it: if Pete and Kris Richard keep turning late-round DB's into hot commodities, then the comp pick river will keep on flowin' and John Schneider can make a dramatic trade-up move every year he wants to.

Secondary goal: Not forgetting to make the pick after seven full rounds of madness. (Even though that turned out pretty well in the end for the Vikings and the Tice-Man.)

Grade: Pass

This perfect score is likely to be reproduced in the 2016 draft. Fewer than 52 weeks until then by the way.