"Wake up," he cried. "We've got to put things to rights!" Senator Eric Abetz says Jim Casey represents a Green version of Trotskyism. "Rights?" mumbled Cory. "What are the tree-hugger vegans wanting now, Erica?" "The globalists want to bind us to the globe," said Senator Abetz. "It's time for an insurgency. What are you doing on your knees, Kevin?" "I'm praying against globalists. And insurgents. And binding. And all the other ungodly things. Sodom and Gomorrah," offered Kevin.

"Amen to that. Add the great satan," said the Senator. "The Great Satan!" bellowed Cory. "He's everywhere!" "Exactly," agreed Senator Abetz. "And now he not only wants to change the natural order of things, but he's planning to ask the people what they think. And that's not the worst of it." "What could possibly be worse than asking the people what they think?" demanded Cory. "He wants us to accept the majority view, that's what!"

There was an appalled silence. "That would be mob rule," they yelped in unison. "What exactly is the change to the natural order of things that Turnbull wants to impose this time, anyway?" asked Kevin, nervously. Senator Abetz took a deep breath, the better to speak through his nose. "He's going to spend hundreds of millions of hard-earned taxpayer dollars on a plebiscite that will ask the voters whether they believe the Earth is actually round."

"Round?? It's a global conspiracy," cried Cory. "That's why we have to organise an insurgency," said the Senator. "An ugly word, I know, but these are ugly times. I'm going to state publicly that I can't in all conscience accept the view that the Earth is a soccer ball, whatever anyone says. Or even everyone. I know it's flat, and so do you." "But what would that achieve?" inquired Kevin. "It'd get everyone in the media writing stories about how the party under the great satan is fragmenting and pretty soon someone would start thinking it was serious and then someone else would think maybe it is and then we'd be unstoppable," said Senator Abetz. "You're brilliant, Erica," enthused Cory.

"But there are only three of us," mused Kevin. "Tony'll be back soon. He'll stand with us," Senator Abetz reassured. "Where is he, anyway?" asked Cory. "He's over at the edge of the world, just near the garden of Eden, speaking to the flat-Earthers," said the Senator. Follow us on Twitter