Photo Credit – Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels

TAKOMA PARK, MD – A major uproar ensued after it was reported that a local man, Lane Spalding, responded to a casual inquiry about how he was with the audacious reply of “I’m doing okay.”

“With the world literally falling apart, I just don’t understand how someone could be so insensitive,” stated Geoff McStein. “He might as well be walking around wearing a MAGA face mask!”

With the deadly spread of Coronavirus, stock markets collapsing, and a small parking lot soon to turn into a two story building, news of Spalding’s response swept through the city, with many residents taking to their local listservs and the Takoma Park group page on Facebook to gripe.

“The nerve of some people!” remarked Gail Waters. “It must be nice to be completely oblivious to world problems and feel so carefree. He needs to take that positive attitude far away from here.”

“People are struggling. Children are in cages. 5G cell towers are being installed. How can anyone be ‘doing okay’ with all of these problems going on?!” said Constance Komplanor.

To put an end to similarly intolerable responses, the Takoma Park City Council sent out guidance on how residents should respond when asked how they are doing. Acceptable choices include:

– “Just doing the best I can.”

– “Not bad, considering the circumstances.”

– “I can’t complain, I still have income and I’m healthy.”

– “Will you please back the (expletive) up?”