Human bodies are increasingly treated like used cars in our brave new world of gender identity. Body shops, aka “gender confirmation surgery clinics” have plenty of spare parts that are junked, discarded, or reinserted into different shells according to the body owner’s professed gender identity. And why not? It’s a lucrative new medical specialty, with plenty of eager new mechanics ready to serve their dysphoric clients.

First, you gotta redefine the car models to make the parts more interchangeable. Marketing is all in retail sales, so a good start would be excising the word “woman” from any discussion about giving birth. This makes the uterus a disembodied entity, decoupled from its formerly female mooring.

A group of midwives called Woman-Centered Midwifery recently wrote an open letter to the Midwives Alliance of North American (MANA), decrying MANA’s replacement of the word “woman” with “individual” in their literature and guidelines.

We are concerned that, except for in the trademarked section from the Midwives Model of Care, the word “woman” has been erased from the MANA core competencies document and replaced with “pregnant individual” and “birthing parent.” We recognize that the words maternal and motherbaby were not removed from the document, implying that the reviewers maintained a mutual and shared respect for the sanctity of the motherbaby unit in midwifery. But women are now all but missing from the language, as if we can separate woman from mother from baby. Woman is recognized now only in relation to her baby. This is harmful to female adult humans; we women have fought long and hard to be recognized as autonomous beings.

The response from MANA (“birth for everybody”) was swift, and despite a lot of lofty and condescending verbiage, their message boiled down to this: You natural-birth midwives are just a pack of transphobes.

The purpose of this response is to explain why and how the Open Letter is harmful to transgender, genderqueer and intersex people, why midwifery documents should be gender inclusive, and why people of all genders should be welcomed into midwifery care. While we are focusing on birth-related care in this letter, it is important to notice the subtle and insidious ways the “open letter” attempts to erase the lives and narratives of transgender women and other women who cannot or do not give birth.

So trans men can give birth and MANA doesn’t want to refer to them as “women.” But surely we can all agree that trans women, whom MANA appears most concerned about “erasing,” cannot give birth, so “pregnant individuals” will never refer to them.

Not if groundbreaking gender surgeons get their way.

In Sweden, researchers have succeeded in transplanting a uterus “which resulted in the birth of a healthy and fully developed child, carried to term by its birth mother.”

According to Dr. Sherman Leis, founder of the Philadelphia Center for Transgender Surgery and a pioneer in surgical techniques for transgender men and women, “The brilliance of this scientific work and clinical trials in Sweden is that the uterus is being implanted in a way that does not require it being connected to the recipient’s Fallopian tubes or ovaries, which obviously a MTF patient does not have.”

So I predict a boom in the body spare parts business. Plenty of organ donors (who undoubtedly will be paid for their altruistic gestures) are likely already lining up. Heck, people are selling their kidneys on eBay, why not the bleeding, useless bag of monthly nuisances?

But here’s an idea to make the whole process more efficient. With all the dysphoric women wanting to rid themselves of their useless uteruses (typically damaged anyway by all the testosterone they’re injecting), why not set up an efficient assembly-line operation to quickly transfer the organ from the FTM to MTF with a minimum of fuss and bother? Instead of having to dig around for women–I mean, “uterus havers”– who are willing to have their spare part yanked out for the right price, why not line up the donors and recipients in tidy hospital wards, side by side, with all the tubes and surgical paraphernalia sitting companionably between them?

Think of the profits. Think of the lifelong friendships that will arise from these reproductive engine swaps. The trans men would sleep soundly, knowing that their worthless birthing bag was being skillfully transferred to a body that would use it properly. Mission accomplished for the surgical grease monkeys.

Of course, the ultimate goal is to get “trans kids” on the used part assembly lines as early as possible. So they won’t have to put up TOO long with internal organs that are just so wrong for them. Who needs a damn uterus and egg follicles when you’re six anyway? I can’t wait for the trans kids’ books: “Judy’s uterus was wrong but it was just perfect for little Jason, who now goes by ‘Jazey’.”

Why wait? Donate to the female repro organ donation center today. The uterus you give will brighten the future of a REAL woman. And good luck with that phalloplasty, man!

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