Well, he certainly showed them, didn’t he?

For the last couple of days, the president* has been bellyaching on the electric Twitter machine and elsewhere about how the Philadelphia Eagles refused to come visit him at his current rental property, because, like most sentient beings, the Eagles would rather walk through a Level 5 biolab in a Speedo than spend five minutes with the current President* of the United States. So, the president* complained, because that’s all he really knows how to do, and announced that there would be a patriotic fan-fest at the White House. He’s breaking up with you, Eagles!

What ensued was an epic festival of fools. First, the crowd appeared to be made up of low-level White House staffers and slumming lobbyists on their lunch breaks. Judging by the photos, the firm of Squire Patton Boggs upset the New England Patriots last February. The electric Twitter machine was a’glow with reporters asking the attendees who the Philadelphia quarterback was last season. (Nobody knew.) One guy took a knee in the crowd and there was more booing and heckling than you might have expected.

Second, during the playing of "God Bless America," which was the whole purpose of this propaganda burlesque, it became abundantly clear that the president* doesn’t know the song’s lyrics any more than he knows the third verse to “Duke of Earl.” There is video of this now that will live forever. This is good because, some day, our Andromedan overlords are going to wonder how it all went so very wrong.

Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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