Tory MP promises to only use N-word in private like other Tories

A Tory MP who used a racially offensive term at a public event about, inevitably, Brexit, has promised that in future, she will only use that term in private like other Tories do.

Anne Marie Morris used the phrase ‘n****r in a woodpile’ to describe the prospect of the UK leaving the EU without a deal.

It is unknown whether the phrase was intended to be positive or negative as, not living in the 1950s anymore, no one has any idea what it means.

“I apologise for my use of the phrase ‘woodpile’ and…no, wait. Sorry. It’s ‘n****r, isn’t it? That’s the word I should be apologising for, isn’t it? Sorry,” said Mrs Morris after the news broke.

“I genuinely forgot I was speaking in public, where sounding like a Victorian slave-master is frowned on.”

“I promise that from here on in, I will only ever say ‘n****r’ at private Tory events where there is no press who can hear me and get me in trouble for being a monumental racist.”

Following her apology, Mrs Morris attempted to make her point about Brexit and demonstrate she had learnt her lesson about using the N-word.

“If the UK left the EU without a deal then we would be like a w*g in a woodpile.

“Is that better? That’s better.”