I have friends and relatives who, when we converse, cannot have a conversation without maligning Democrats, liberals, Barack Obama and/or Hillary Clinton. The problem is not all on one side. A few months ago, I attended a meeting where a relative of Mark Shurtleff was present. Another person cynically said he hoped the relative enjoyed visiting Shurtleff in jail. (Charges against Shurtleff have since been dropped.) That person later apologized, but the words could not be retracted. Similarly, during the presidency of George W. Bush, many times I was in gatherings where Bush was portrayed as evil.

These incidents came to my mind when I heard about Ally Isom’s talk at the recent FairMormon conference. Isom is the director of the division of family and community relations in the Public Affairs Department of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She urged conference attendees to consider whether they had created an “us vs. them” approach that was divisive rather than inclusive. She asked her audience whether they sought to marginalize others who disagreed with them: Do we use words intended to hurt others? Are we eager to win and defeat our enemies at all costs?

Isom asked some profound questions: Isn’t the process more important than the outcome? Isn't this earth life really more about how we treat each other rather than seeing a particular side win? In the end, isn't life about the relationships we nurtured, the friends we made and kept, and the way we handled differences with others rather than stereotyping and avoiding people with whom we differed?

The political rhetoric of our day is extraordinarily divisive, particularly in an election season. Tempers rise because partisan loyalties emerge and the standard-bearers for those loyalties become heroes or villains. Engaging in a rational discussion about politics or policy becomes difficult in such circumstances.

As an example, last year I was interviewing a prominent national politician for a book I am writing on the Supreme Court nomination process. I asked questions about recent nominations. Initially, he answered with strong condemnation of the other party’s behavior toward nominations. After I demonstrated through my questions that both parties had engaged in the behavior he criticized, he began to admit that fault was on both sides and that his party lacked a monopoly on virtue in this area.

But I think I understood why he did that. Coming into my interview, he had emerged from meetings and encounters where the partisanship was intense. I am sure that as soon as our interview was over he returned to that atmosphere.

I think about that when people tell me the latest from Fox News or MSNBC or what they have read in a book by Glenn Beck or Bill O’Reilly. I come to realize that they have immersed themselves in media that thrives on divisiveness, denigration and fear. And it is not good for them.

Like Ally Isom, I want to ask them some questions about whether this is the kind of people they want to be. Let me make some suggestions to those who may see themselves becoming intense partisans, unable to see others’ viewpoints and find common ground:

Look for flaws in your own arguments. That shows you understand your side is not ideal.

Similarly, find good in the other side’s views. Both liberals and conservatives have great policy ideas. We should understand there is virtue to go around, if we are not blinded by partisanship.

Avoid stereotyping people. This approach typically comes from ignorance of the individuals in the group we are stereotyping. Find someone you believe belongs to a different group — LDS/non-LDS, liberal/conservative, Republican/Democrat, gay/straight — and talk to him or her. Get to know him. Find out why he thinks the way he does. Listen to what he has to say. Agreement is not necessary (although it will likely come in at least some areas), but listening and seeking to understand is.

Turn off the talk radio or television programs more often. Go read a good book, talk to a friend, do service. A steady diet of criticism and even hate is not good food for the soul.

We have far more in common than what divides us. Look for that common ground and cherish those with whom you find it.

Richard Davis is a professor of political science at Brigham Young University. He is the author of "The Liberal Soul: Applying the Gospel of Jesus Christ in Politics." His opinions do not necessarily reflect those of BYU.