A recurring dream: I’m living under socialism. ExxonMobil and Amazon no longer exploit the world for the top 1%. They do it for us. The American People.

Thanks to Socialism, there’s $1000 in my bank account that I can use on Amazon.gov to buy whatever I want. Absolute freedom.

I’ve never had to depend on anyone or work a day in my life. Last year was a case in point. My son Matt stopped bringing me joy, so I abandoned him at a PF Changs.

In a decent society, you should be able to walk out on your child knowing they have Amazon Prime and a couple hundred dollars.

Logging onto GrubHub.gov to choose my snacks for the day–I wake up. Still under capitalism. Still alienated from my freedom. Forced to write posts for my People’s Think Tank blog. Another day in the life of an oppressed creature.

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Sound too good to be true? Think about it: we’re already 99% of the way there. No, I don’t mean we’re 99% of the way to an equitable mode of production. I’m talking about something way more Marxist than obsolete reforms.

I’m talking about Neoclassical Marxism.

Freedom is a Marxist word. It means the ability to consume the same goods and services on repeat until your heart stops beating. To paraphrase Eugene Debs, “While there is a soul I have to think about besides myself, I am not free.”

The injustice of capitalism–or contradiction, for those who know some Hegel–is that imperialism is very profitable, but all those profits are going to the ruling class. The majority of us in the continental United States can’t consume the goods and services we extract from the global south. We are separated from our species-being.

In nature, there are no social obligations. You wake up whenever you want and order your favorite frozen Pizza Bar for delivery right from your phone. No money. No coercion.

That’s why Marx, always looking ahead, invented the Social Wealth Fund (SWF). The SWF can give everyone $1000/month once the technology dialectic (Hegelian word that means “productivity”) is fully developed.

When Marx wrote all that stuff in the 1930s, the technology dialectic was less advanced. We didn’t have emojis for communication. We had to use the muscles in our face and the emojis in our brain. Thanks to the developments in Artificial Intelligence, the technology dialectic is here.

Amazon and WalMart are already doing Socialist production. Facebook and Google collect helpful information about us that can improve our consumption habits or even prosecute us for terrorism! We only need our corporate comrades to refill our bank accounts once a month so we can keep consuming. Even in our sleep. Until death.

Where does the money in the Social Wealth Fund come from? Well, it comes from expropriating the wealthy. That’s a Marxist phrase that means distributing the profits that Amazon, WalMart, and Exxon make from all the cool shit that they do and paying it out to everyone as a social dividend. Under Socialism, if global corporations and dirty supply chains ever stop making profits, they’re gonna be hearing about it from the American People at the next shareholder meeting.

That’s called Neoclassical Marxism!