Daily Mail issues apology to readers after front page fails to mention immigrants, cancer or sex

Senior editors at the popular Daily Mail tabloid have issued an apology after inadvertently printing a front page devoid of any of the critical issues demanded by its loyal readership.

Staff realised too late that they had accidentally printed a front page containing two stories that did not relate in any way to Britain’s soft-touch immigrant policy, a food or activity that can cause cancer or a depraved celebrity sex scandal, and have been quick to publish an online apology.

Simon Williams, the editor in charge of whipping up blind hatred, wrote “We at the Daily Mail would like to take this opportunity to apologise for our oversight today in printing two stories on the front page that weren’t anything to do with immigrants, cancer or sex.

“Or Muslims, come to that.

“Furthermore, we have also realised that thanks to such a terrible failure on our part, our two lead articles are both based on ‘fact’, for which we apologise absolutely and unreservedly.”

It is understood that the front page calamity may have been caused by a well-meaning work experience student whose inexperience in the world of sordid tabloid news led him to make the mistake of giving the two fact-based journalistic articles undue prominence, an unforgivable error for which he has been dismissed.

I think, therefore I am (not a Daily Mail reader) – get the tee!