The military's got disaster-proof foodstuff down to a science: their meals ready-to-eat (MREs) are packaged, vacuum-sealed rations that supply high-calorie sustenance, have a multi-year shelf life and are prepped using nothing but water. Too bad they taste like Irish Springs.

That's according to a review panel at Popular Mechanics, where testers sampled three of the military's 24 different MREs - available in civilian versions for your at-home fallout shelter - and concluded that the end of the world "tasted a little bit like soap." At least, the dried fruit snack does. And it's accompanying chicken, "indistinguishable" from a side dish of potatoes and beans, doesn't sound much better.

The review's tips for ingesting the dismal chow? Slather on mustard and wash down with wine. But military grunts don't have the luxury of condiments and booze. Which means their best bet might be vegetarianism. The meat-free MRE - pasta with vegetables and snacks like fig bars and peanut butter - outranked the other two test meals of beef enchiladas or BBQ chicken.

The military recently added four vegetarian MREs, but they save their best cuisine for troops keeping kosher. My Own Meals, who manufacture the kosher-certified packs, say they're shipped and served fresh, while the military's standard meat-and-potato rations "are produced and then stored for about 3 or more years." Less shelf time might not help, but knowing what's really in your ravioli can't hurt.

Disaster may not be palatable yet, but the Pentagon's working on it: since 1993, they've been tinkering with rations and polling troops to prep more popular selections. Items like pork chow mein, tuna with noodles and corned beef hash have been replaced with granola, cornbread stuffing and - score - Skittles. Troops deployed on high-risk missions get to skip most of the years-old mystery meat: First Strike Rations (FSRs) are compact, easy-to-eat meals made for high-intensity combat. All the goodies (toaster pastries, chocolate bars) and less of the gunk (sausage with creamy gravy?).

Gag reflex aside, you've got to wonder about the gastrointestinal consequences of routinely eating vacuum-packed slop. The military did, and now they're working overtime on a probiotic digestive supplement, after 76 percent of troops deployed in Iraq and Afghanistan reported one or more episodes of diarrhea.

[Photo: DoD]