Just as Hollywood movies should not be shaping our idea of real life, pornography should not be shaping our idea of real sex.

Does this mean men have to forever forget about money shots and performative blow jobs?

No.

It means nobody should expect to have a threesome with their dentist and her secretary in the waiting room. Does anyone really?

Associating a poor understanding of human interactions with compulsive use of pornography can have unfortunate outcomes, but it still does not justify considering the media itself a threat.

Pornography is still considered a form of sex education only because sex is still a taboo.

It is something we do not feel comfortable asking about to our parents, our teachers and even our doctors.

If the parents involved in the organization “Mothers Against Pornography” spent more time educating their own children about sexuality, porn would no longer replace sex education.

The results of popular studies will say porn hurts relationships.

However, what truly damages the relationship is the couple’s inability to openly discuss pornography, and the anxiety and discomfort it causes.

Blaming the media for our own insecurities is easy.

Women tend to feel unattractive and sexually inadequate after discovering their partner’s interest in pornography, but it does not mean their partner finds them any less attractive.

Building a healthy relationship with pornography as a couple may take time, and feeling intimidated is common, but demonizing media can not bring to any good.

WHAT IF PORN COULD HELP YOUR SELF ESTEEM?

Diversity

Anti-porn and feminist activist Gail Dines says she had to read ten years of Cosmo magazine while researching for her book “Pornlad”.

She describes how girls in Cosmo all look alike: skinny, blonde and toned.

This is a correct observation, but it makes me wonder whether Dines research ever included watching porn.

If it did she would have seen a much wider and diverse pool of beauty standards than fashion and advertisement will ever offer.

Take a look at this video:

The people speaking are among the most popular names in the porn industry.

You will notice how these women have different sizes, ages and ethnicities.

They all appeal to someone, they all are desirable.

Being part of a generation that constantly complains about the lack of diversity in the fashion industry, women should be thrilled by the diversity in pornography.

If the video was not enough to convince you, here is an infographic showing the most popular searches made on pornhub.com in 2014.

As you can see, among men’s favorites are several categories of women who do not fit the “skinny, blonde and toned” description.

Self exploration

Pornography creates a safe space.

Not a place to hide from scary ideas but an environment to freely explore curiosities and desires without being judged.

Society often looks down upon unusual sexual preferences. Fetishes, for example, can be stigmatized to the point that many people keep them a secret even in long term relationships. The same can be said about unconventional curiosities.

But if you are familiar with Rule 34 you know porn can help us understand that other people enjoy the same things we do, and we might even find a partner who shares our same preferences.

I am not saying porn is the only way to explore our inclinations, but it is a relatively safe one.

If something upsets us we can just turn off the computer.

It makes us aware of our limits before we test them in real life.

While anti-porn activists try to protect women from hardcore porn, fighting the idea that it could help self exploration, women seem to disagree.

Goodbye misconceptions

Associating certain sexual behaviours with one’s lack of intelligence or faithfulness is simply absurd, and all it does is encouraging people to settle for boring sex.

A woman can spend her entire life trying nothing more than missionary and still cheat and still be stupid.

How does porn help us fight these misconceptions?

Just like the off-screen life of many Hollywood actors has been looked at as inspirational, so should the life of porn performers.

Someone like Mercedes Carrera, for example, could help many women feel less threatened by their own sex drive.

Mercedes is a brilliant woman with a background in engineering, and currently leader of The Porn Charity project.

Another performer worth mentioning is Heather Brooke, an amateur who gained incredible popularity over her three years of activity.

She is known for performing sex acts exclusively with her husband.

So what?

Pornography is out there, it has more online traffic than Amazon, Netflix and Twitter combined, and 30% of women watch it.

Ignoring it, or demanding our partner ignores it, will damage our relationships more than accepting it.

Not everyone will be turned on by it, but we are all capable of using it to our advantage.

After all, a media is a service.