Show caption Some people compulsively engage in so much sex that it has a detrimental effect on their life, work or relationship. Composite: Posed by models/Getty Images/Guardian Design Sexual healing I love ogling women and looking at porn. Am I addicted? I used to spend more than an hour a day looking at naked women on the internet. Have I got a problem? Pamela Stephenson Connolly Mon 15 Apr 2019 13.04 BST Share on Facebook

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I want to find out if I’m addicted to women. I used to spend up to one and a half hours a day looking for women in underwear on Instagram, and looking for videos on pornography websites so I could stimulate myself. I would do this every day; is that normal male behaviour or the sign of an addiction? I have a girlfriend and really love her, but find it difficult not to look at other women when we are walking together on the street, for example.

I prefer to use the term “sexual compulsion” rather than “addiction”, because unlike many other things to which one can become addicted, sex is essentially a healthy activity. But some people compulsively engage in so much sex that it has a detrimental effect on their life, work or relationship. However, from what you say, I do not see that this is a significant problem for you. In fact, your interest in women and style of masturbation seem normal and common for a young man – and you are far from the only person in the world who has to try hard to not be caught ogling someone attractive while walking on the street with a girlfriend or boyfriend. You have asked an important question, though, and if your obsession with sex and compulsion to use porn escalated to the point where they were taking up many more hours and causing real problems in your life generally, that would be the time to take steps to get them under control.

• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

• If you would like advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions: see gu.com/letters-terms