BEAR: so I feel really bad about not abridging all of SDL, here’s some NXT to make up for it

stadiums, fireworks, then/now/whatever

VIDEO: member how Ohno’s gonna fight Roode for the NXT belt tonight

THE ROAR OF THE CROWD, NXT NXT NXT, etc.

here’s some dudes with black sheets who punch each other in the chest

EALY BROS: hey Pain, fight us

here’s PAIN

PAIN: k

EALY BROS: we totally have a chance

PAIN: this is very over

PAIN kill EALY BROS

ELLERING: Pain’s better than Revival because I created the algorithm that says so

suddenly DIY

TOMMASO: what does algorithm even mean

JOHNNY: we want a championship rematch with Pain

suddenly REVIVAL

REVIVAL: don’t bench Brady, don’t pull Jordan, don’t sideline Revival, we’re the best tag team ever

suddenly REGAL

REGAL: triple threat elimination match at Takeover Orlando playaplayaplaya

VIDEO: Heavy Machinery coming soon

here’s a video hyping ASUKA fighting MOON at Takeover Orlando

ASUKA: imma sun, Moon is moon, I am cross at Moon, I own NXT Women’s belt so it is Asuka belt now

MOON: imma take Asuka’s title

ASUKA: nah

here’s MACEY who’s dressed like it’s the 50s and also she’s a former Marine, I don’t know how that goes together

spotlights, creepy guitars, hooded dudes in skull masks, yup it’s SAnitY

CROSS and MACEY have a fight

CROSS: you don’t even get a minute, please die

MACEY: have a facepunch

CROSS starts laughing

MACEY: oh

CROSS

takes

her

time

killing

MACEY

over

and

over

until

she

wins

suddenly TYE and JOSE

TYE, JOSE: we will now ambush you

SAnitY: nah

SAnitY kills JOSE and makes TYE watch, then kills TYE

VIDEO: Alistair Black coming soon

VIDEO: also member last week when Moon bout killed Billie with an eclipse

INTERVIEWER: imma get a medical update on Bill-

suddenly ONEY stops CIEN from bullying HOHO

INTERVIEWER: hey Oney, you stopped Cien from bullying HoHo, how bout that

ONEY: I don’t like bullies, so imma fight Cien next week

VIDEO: also SAnitY are fighting Tye, Roderick, and Jose next week

INTERVIEWER: hey Ohno, you’re about to fight Roode, how bout that

OHNO: sure hope this goes better than last time I was in NXT

OH NO, OH NO, etc.

INTERVIEWER: hey Roode, you’re about to fight Ohno, how b-

ROODE: shut up, Ohno doesn't deserve a title match

GLORIOUS etc.

ROODE and OHNO have a fight, SHINSUKE watches Random Backstage TV

OHNO: my offense is strong

ROODE: k need a minute

ROODE takes a minute

ROODE: k I’m good, have my usual offense

OHNO: yeah I know it all, here’s big chops, now get outta the ring

SHINSUKE is watching and has not moved at all

ROODE: my turn, have some more offense

ROODE

beats

up

OHNO

very

slowly

SHINSUKE is still watching and has still not moved at all

OHNO: how bout some punches

ROODE: nah, clothesline and knee drop, pin

OHNO: nah

ROODE: k chokehold then

OHNO: I do not like this chokehold, have some big guy rope flippiness and kicks instead

ROODE: not a fan, get outta the ring

OHNO: k

SHINSUKE is STILL watching and has STILL not moved at all

ROODE: your hair is long, imma use that and wear you down

OHNO: nah, kick and kip and punch and boot and pin

ROODE: nah, pin

OHNO: nah, beefy offense and a pin

ROODE: nah, spinebuster and pin

OHNO: nah

ROODE: k this has got to work, GLORIOUS DDT?

OHNO: very nah

SHINSUKE is STILL watching and has STILL NOT MOVED AT ALL

OHNO knocks ROODE outta the ring

OHNO: get him back in the ring and pin

ROODE: barely nah

OHNO: reeeeeeeeally getting tired of this pin/nah/pin/nah thing, have more off-

ROODE: GLORIOUS DDT

OHNO: k

ROODE’s gonna face SHINSUKE at Takeover Orlando

SHINSUKE STILL HASN’T MOVED, DID THEY HONESTLY REPLACE HIM WITH A STATUE