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—Prudie

Dear Prudence,

I am a woman in my mid-30s, with a supportive and loving husband, a toddler, a baby, and a full-time, fulfilling job. I wouldn’t change any of it for the world. But, although I often feel content, I’ve lost the ability to feel the kind of blissful happiness I was capable of feeling in my youth, before kids. I’m seeing a therapist, and she thinks there is nothing wrong with me—that this loss of jubilation is just a fact of growing older and having so much on my plate. My husband disagrees and says he misses the old, more cheerful me. What do you think? Should I break up with my therapist and find someone else to help me find my smile again, or am I just too world-weary for that sort of nonsense?

—Nostalgic for a Happier Version of Me

Dear Nostalgic,

Reading about your wonderful life makes me want to pull the covers over my head and take a long nap. Indeed, you are a lucky woman, and it’s good you appreciate this. This doesn’t mean you aren’t an exhausted woman. You are caring for two small children, you have a full-time job, and you presumably are grocery shopping, preparing meals, ferrying children, attending to your marriage, etc. If you are breast-feeding, you are also being sucked dry! It’s no surprise that you don’t feel the kind of blissful ease that characterized your 20s when you could spend all afternoon in bed making love, then decide on the spur of the moment to meet up with friends and try that new Korean restaurant. I’m not advocating trying to extend one’s 20s into forever. There is a deeper satisfaction that comes from taking on the responsibilities you’re grappling with—seeing your children blossom, your career zoom forward. But it means, for a while, saying farewell to a more spontaneous, carefree version of life, and that’s a loss. First of all, how much sleep are you getting? If you’re chronically sleep deprived, you’re going to be jubilation deprived, too. Second, how much is your husband helping out? If he wants a more cheerful you, let him help you recapture it. That could mean that instead of therapy, you go out once a week with friends. Maybe it means he watches the kids while you get some exercise—exercise is an often-overlooked component of mood regulation. You need to make sure you’re carving time out for yourself. Your life right now sounds dedicated to those who need you at home and work, but you also deserve private space to recharge yourself. It could be that your mood issues are such that medication might be necessary. But I say work at making sure you are attending to the basics by doing necessary and so-called selfish things that bring you pleasure.

—Prudie