During a recruiting session in my second year MBA, a partner from a well-known firm was talking about work life balance. He said, "I work very hard and I don’t see my family very much. But you have to remember it's all about quality time." He went on to tell a story of this one Saturday morning when he and his son went for a bike ride. The partner recounted the event in exquisite detail, with the birds chirping, the light breeze, and the gentle sun on their faces. He concluded by saying, "This was a time my son will remember forever."

I think many of us fall into the trap of thinking about time in this way: “I’m not around for the day to day, but when I’m around, I really make it count." How many times have we all heard the advice to “outsource outsource outsource” so you can be “100% present”? And the logic is compelling. No one would argue that wrestling your child into his car seat every day after work is better than a family getaway or a sunny Saturday morning bike ride.

But the problem is this: we don’t get to classify time into “quality time” and “not quality time.” And we certainly don’t get to decide in advance when those quality moments will occur. The very notion of quality time assumes that our view of what makes time “quality” or “memorable” is the same as our children's. I was recently woken up by my son because his pillow was crooked, so I think it's fair to say that kids don’t always perceive things the same way we do. In other words, a bike ride with the wrong color helmet could be memorable for all the wrong reasons.

I don’t spend quality time with my kids because there is no such thing. There is only time. And special moments emerge organically just by spending time.

Perhaps the notion of quality time is useful for some. It can serve as a reminder to make the most of the time we have, to put down our phones and to be in the moment. But I think an overemphasis on quality time is dangerous. It places a higher value on memories than it does on the daily routine, when it’s through the day to day that a child learns, grows, and develops. It makes us feel better about spending less time because it allows us to dismiss certain activities as “not quality time”. Worst of all, it can set expectations that put pressure on the moments that you do have with your family. There can be an incredible sense of disappointment and failure when the "quality time" you have set aside goes poorly. Letting go of some invisible standard of quality can help make the time more enjoyable for both parent and child.

I’m a working mom who travels for work and I certainly don’t wipe every nose or change every diaper. But when I’m with my kids, I try not to think about creating memories; I focus on creating connection. I try not to think about spending quality time. I simply think about spending time – with whatever highs and lows may come.

At the end of the day, anyone can create memorable moments with your child. What we can do as parents is create and nurture unique connections with our children. These connections are what make our children feel safe, important, and loved. And as the many childhood memories get left behind, it’s this sense of connection that children will carry with them as they (gulp) grow up.