Charlotte, NC – Ignoring the constant, uninterrupted spasming of her unborn baby inside of her, account executive Patty Nunes used all of her remaining willpower to feign sympathy while her coworker, Melvin Huff, complained about feeling “totally wrecked” after not getting his usual eight to ten hours of sleep. After Huff told Nunes, who currently spends the majority of her day building an entirely separate living being within herself while not peeing spontaneously, that the human body isn’t mean to run on such little energy, Nunes was able to offer a sympathetic head tilt instead of beating him over the head with her laptop while screaming that she hasn’t gotten seven hours of sleep in the past month, let alone a single night.

When asked to comment, Nunes first wrapped up the exact same workload as her non-pregnant coworkers before vomiting in the bathroom for fifteen minutes.

“Maybe it’s my maternal instincts kicking in, or maybe it’s just a result of living in a constant state of sleep deprivation while running on fumes, but I’ve learned to tolerate the vast amount of whining and moaning that the average coworker makes on an hourly basis,” Nunes explained while refusing to comment on how much her nipples hurt. “No matter how stupid. Even when Dave complained that his sister-in-law stopped sharing her Netflix account with him.

“In some ways, I’m actually thankful to deal with my coworkers. It’s all good preparation for dealing with a newborn baby.”

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