President Donald Trump has made it clear that the 2018 midterm election next week is “a referendum about me.” He has also made it clear that he will not accept the blame if Republicans lose control of the House of Representatives and see their dominance of governorships (33 states currently) dwindle.

“No, I think I’m helping people,” Trump told the Associated Press in an Oct. 16 interview when asked about accepting blame for any loss. “I don’t believe anybody’s ever had this kind of an impact.”

Uh-huh. There’s never been anything like it before. Ever. In the history of the U.S.

Notwithstanding the inconsistency between the election as a referendum on him and his refusal to take responsibility for any losses, this is a president who never apologizes, never regrets anything he said, and never surrenders.

There are 470 seats in the U.S. Congress up for grabs on Nov. 6: 35 Senate seats and all 435 House seats. Thirty-six states will hold elections for governor, 26 of which are currently held by Republicans.

Trump has already hinted at his post-game strategy, providing a partial list of scapegoats in the event the GOP takes a drubbing on Nov. 6. I’ve taken the liberty of embellishing his possible excuses and adding others, which the president should feel free to expropriate.

1. The Fed

In the past month, Trump has declared open season on the Federal Reserve and Chairman Jerome Powell, calling the central bank “my biggest threat.” Trump’s assessment of the state of monetary policy includes assertions that the Fed has “gone crazy;” is “loco,” “so tight,” and “out of control;” and is making a mistake” in gradually raising interest rates.

During the 2016 presidential campaign, Trump criticized Powell’s predecessor, Janet Yellen, for keeping interest rates too low. Now he’s a low-interest rate guy.

“I have a hot economy going,” Trump told the Wall Street Journal. “Every time we do something great, he [Powell] raises the interest rates.”

No one will be surprised if Trump blames the Fed. He has already written and distributed the official White House statement.

2. The FAKE news

This is another lay-up. One of Trump’s favorite foils has been the FAKE news media. His supporters are on board, taunting Trump’s targets, such as CNN, at the non-stop campaign rallies the president has been holding in the run-up to the election.

Other presidents have complained about the press, accusing the media of downplaying successes and emphasizing failures. None has gone so far as to label the news media “the enemy of the people.” So who better to blame for any election losses than those very enemies?

3. Russian hackers

U.S. intelligence agencies have warned that Russia is continuing its efforts to interfere in the 2018 midterm election. Trump has voiced his concern about hacking as well; just not in the way that you’d think.

Russia “will be pushing very hard for the Democrats,” Trump said, because “no president has been tougher on Russia than me.”

That toughness includes sanctions on Russian oligarchs, which the president opposed until it became clear the bill had a veto-proof majority in Congress, and the expulsion of 60 Russian diplomats following the nerve-agent attack on a former Russian double-agent in the U.K., which he resisted as well.

The Helsinki press conference with Russian President Vladimir Putin in July, where Trump accepted Putin’s denial of election interference over the findings of his own intelligence agencies, would have seemed to disqualify Russian hacking as an excuse for any losses at the polls next Tuesday.

But Trump isn’t known for consistency. The idea that the Russians want to help the Democrats and hurt a president who has yet to utter a critical word about Putin is the kind of creative fiction that should strain even the most loyal supporter’s credulity. Given that Trump has already gone out on a limb by claiming Russia wants to help the Democrats, this excuse is another non-surprise.

4. This ‘Bomb’ stuff

Last week’s events handed Trump another out for any potential Republican losses. As law-enforcement officers searched for the suspect who had mailed a dozen pipe bombs to former presidents, prominent Democrats and CNN, Trump took to Twitter on Friday to vent his frustration.

“Republicans are doing so well in early voting, and at the polls, and now this ‘Bomb’ stuff happens and the momentum greatly slows,” Trump tweeted.

Yes, stuff happens. And the president, entrusted with protecting the American people, is not about to let an act of domestic terrorism distract him from the business at hand.

5. Voter fraud, liberal mobs, voter suppression

Following the 2016 presidential election, Trump created a Presidential Commission on Election Integrity to investigate voter fraud. Trump lost the popular vote. Ergo, there must have been millions of illegal votes cast for Hillary Clinton.

The commission found no evidence to support the president’s unsubstantiated claims of 3 million to 5 million illegally cast ballots, and it was dissolved.

That doesn’t mean voter fraud won’t resurface as a target if Trump’s party suffers significant losses. And what about those liberal mobs — didn’t you see them on TV? — swarming polling places to prevent Trump supporters from casting a vote? (Please wear your “Make America Great Again” hat so the mob can identify you.)

Since the 2010 election, some 24 states have put new voting restrictions in place, including tougher ID laws and limits on early voting. Most of those states are controlled by Republicans.

That won’t stop Trump from co-opting voter suppression as an excuse for Republican losses, pointing a finger at unruly Democratic mobs, funded by George Soros, for intimidating voters.

5. The ubiquitous 400-pound man

Asked about cyber attacks during a presidential debate in September 2016, Trump acknowledged that “it could be Russia, but it could also be China. It could also be lots of other people. It also could be somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds. OK?”

OK. After the election, Trump narrowed the field of possible obese hackers to “some guy in his home in New Jersey.”

We’ll have to wait for more intel on the Jersey hacker, but don’t be surprised if he reappears as a suspect in the event of any unsubstantiated vote tampering.

Of course, it could always be other people in other countries, OK?