What's dating like when you're homeless? We asked 20 people living on the street.

What's dating like when you're homeless? We asked 20 people living on the street. What's dating like when you're homeless? We asked 20 people living on the street. Photo: Matias Castello / EyeEm/Getty Images/EyeEm Photo: Matias Castello / EyeEm/Getty Images/EyeEm Image 1 of / 24 Caption Close What's dating like when you're homeless? We asked 20 people living on the street. 1 / 24 Back to Gallery

Editor's note: The responses and living conditions in this story are relayed as told to SFGATE and could not be independently verified.

Alexis, a 33-year-old homeless heroin addict, told me she had a boyfriend when I met her sitting outside a camping tent in San Francisco's SoMa neighborhood last month.

Alexis and the 53-year-old man who calls himself Wizdom Williams, were sharing the tent set up on Mission Street, a location she said would be permanent for only a few days before police scooted them away.

HOW TO HELP: Donate to The Chronicle's Season of Sharing, helping 4,500 families a year, with 100% of all money going to assist those in need before they become homeless.

She didn't mince words when I asked her, "What's dating like when you're living on the streets?"

"You feel like two train wrecks," said Alexis, who grew up in San Francisco and attended Pepperdine University before being sucked into a crippling life of drugs and addiction. "It feels like a train wreck junkyard, because you're dating someone else who also doesn't have housing. You never plan for it."

Wizdom said he needed to sleep next to a woman at night for warmth. He told me a story about how while he was serving in the U.S. Army, he fell into an ice hole in Antarctica and feeling cold triggers PTSD symptoms. He also said Alexis isn't his only girlfriend.

Welcome to dating on the streets of San Francisco.

For a series on homelessness, I've been asking people without housing questions, from "How did you end up on the streets?" to "What's the best thing that happened to you last week?"

These are questions that don't get asked in government surveys and help provide a look into the everyday lives of people many of us walk by in San Francisco.

For this newest installment, I talked to 20 people about dating and homelessness, and while half said it's impossible on the streets, the other half shared stories of relationships or said they're open to meeting someone.

This homeless man was excited to talk about his new relationship with a woman who, like him, is trying to build a life off the streets.

"I met my girlfriend through an organization called Downtown Streets Team. They pay you with gift cards to help clean up the city. I met her there. And now I have a job working 40 hours a week. I also clean streets for an organization called Block by Block." —Raymond, 54, living on the street one year after a divorce, hometown San Francisco

This woman has been dating the same man for three years, and hopes they'll soon both get off drugs and create a new life together.

"He just got arrested. I think he's being transferred to a program soon so I think he'll get clean. He has has been using dope [heroin] 10 years. I've only been using three years. I met him on the street in Concord. He asked me for a cigarette. We had a mutual friend, and we became hella good friends. We used to live in the Sunnyside Hotel in San Francisco. By this time next year, I want to be clean with him and back in school." —Tessa, a 23-year-old heroin user from Pittsburg, Calif., who left home to live on the street when she realized the pain her addiction was causing her family. She first experienced homelessness while living with her father in a shelter at age four.

This guy met his girlfriend in San Francisco, and now he's about to move to Nebraska, where she relocated, to stop using drugs.

"I met her at the methadone clinic. She wasn't on the street and I was barely on the street, but we both ended up on the street. We both started doing crack. She's now doing really good and has been clean two years. She owns her own house and her own car. It's a CBD business, marijuana without the THC. I'm going to go help her. I'm getting clean this month. This is my month. It's my birthday today. I'm going to try to get on Suboxone before I move out there. I talk to her on the phone and Facebook. She's sending me money for my birthday. She's coming out here to pick me up. I'm hoping to meet her in Reno so she doesn't have to come all this way." —Dillon, 32, fentanyl and cocaine addict who grew up in Oak Run, Calif., east of Redding, and started using drugs at age 15. He has tried to get clean before.

This man has found dating difficult ever since his girlfriend died.

"We were in and out of homelessness. We both had some money at that time. It was hard to pay rent. We went to Santa Cruz to watch a championship volleyball game. She had a full body stroke — a reaction to the drugs she took. She was braindead. That was '95. That's when I started using really hard. Heroin. After that, I finally got into the methadone. I knew I had to get on something because I was rotting here. I met one other girl and that has been it. It hasn't been the same." —Bryan Turpin, 48, living on the street for 20 years and hoping to find housing after getting on methadone

Many people said the logistics of dating were more challenging without shelter and money, but finding someone you have chemistry with was no different than if you had housing. Here are some of their responses.

"It's possible. Pretty much the same formula as when you're not homeless. You meet someone and you go out." —Danny, 60, living on the streets for eight years, hometown San Francisco

"Why not. Being homeless doesn't mean you have to let yourself go. Whenever I have some money, I take a girl to dinner." —Juan, 58, living on the streets for 20 years, hometown San Francisco

"It's pretty good for me. I do have money. I love going on dates. I get disability checks and when I get them, I might take a woman to get something to eat." —Rickey, 58, living on the street 30 years, hometown Ozark, Ala.

At the same time, many people were adamant they were unequipped to date in their current situation. Of the 20 people we interviewed, half said "no way" to dating. Here are a few of their answers.

"I can't afford to date. Right now, finding a living situation is more important than anything." —Angelo, 54, San Francisco native couch-surfing for a year after being diagnosed with M.S. and laid-off from cook job

"I don't date nobody." —Annette, 59, living in shelters and on street for five years

"There aren't many women looking for homeless guys. I'd say it's not good." —Keith, 48, living on the street off and on for 17 years, recently evicted, hometown San Francisco

"I'm single. I don't date." —Stephanie, 26, living on the street for one year, hometown Cancun, Mexico, lived in SF for seven years, worked as a dental assistant before losing her housing and then her job

"I don't even try. I'll look and say, 'Hey,' but I'm not a position to date." —Elliott, 49, newly homeless and living in a van after he lost his job due to a skateboarding accident, hometown San Francisco

"I haven't tried." —James, 34, living on streets for 15 years, hometown Burlingame

(Note: The majority of the people we spoke with asked to use only their first name due to the sensitivity of the subject. Many worried sharing their stories would make potential employers wary of hiring them.)

***

Living on the streets in San Francisco: A new series on SFGATE

Invisible to many who walk by them, more than 7,000 people live in San Francisco without permanent housing. Each of these people face daily struggles living on the street, working jobs while living in a tent or shelter, fighting addiction and mental illness, finding places to shower, and always figuring out where to sleep that night.

Their lives are mind-bogglingly difficult, but how how did they get there? Where did things go wrong? For a new series on SFGATE, we're talking with some of these individuals, both men and women of all ages and all walks of life, about their experiences surviving the streets.

We hope you'll have ideas for more questions we can ask and you can email those to agraff@sfgate.com.

Read more in the series: We've also asked people these questions:

What's the best thing that happened to you last week?

How did you become homeless?

Is SF a friendly city for homeless?

