In the near future, the leaders of Massachusetts Institute of Technology will have to decide whether they want to take part in the worldwide scam known as bitcoin.

I hope the grown-ups at that esteemed Cambridge, Mass., school have more common sense than the students they are supposed to be guiding.

Here’s the root of MIT’s dilemma: A couple of students want to give each of the university’s 4,500 undergraduates $100 worth of bitcoin this fall. The pair say they have raised $500,000 to fund the project.

That $100 represents about a fifth of a bitcoin for each student. The “value” of a bitcoin — and I use the word “value” lightly — is now about $515 although the price has been varying wildly depending on how many gullible “investors” its backers can get to buy into the scam.

Bitcoins are, essentially, a confidence game. These things only have value if someone is confident of their value. And anytime I write negatively about bitcoin, the loons come out to fight with me.

So, now you understand my position on this crap. The students, of course, think differently. And someone — probably one of the people who stand to gain by keeping this charade going — gave $500,000 to the MIT kids.

“Bitcoin is a new technology that’s revolutionizing the transactional economy,” say the students on the Web site for the MIT Bitcoin Project. “As the world’s leading research institution, MIT should be at the forefront of bitcoin innovation. To this end, we’re giving every MIT undergraduate $100 in bitcoin this fall.”

Not so fast.

There doesn’t seem to be anything MIT — or anyone else — can do about people throwing away their “money.” But the university now has to decide whether it believes in bitcoin enough to accept that $100 as payment for anything school-related.

Will the students be able to put their $100 in bitcoin toward a schoolbook at the university-run bookstore? How about toward burgers and fries at the student center? Will MIT allow that $100 bitcoin to go toward one-tenth of 1 percent of room and board?

Students are supposed to act in an irresponsible manner and stretch the limits of common sense. And responsible grown-ups are supposed to pull them back before they hurt themselves or the ideals of society.

Not surprisingly, MIT wouldn’t comment on whether it would accept bitcoins payment for anything.

We’ll soon see just how much MIT wants to cooperate with the bitloons.

I have just come up with the most convoluted economic theory ever. And I’m going to share it with you because I know Wall Street will love it.

Be patient while I set the stage.

Recently the Commerce Department announced that retail sales in July were flat with June levels. And that flatness was only achieved after June figures were revised lower. Otherwise July would have seen a decrease in spending.

Retailers since then have largely reported disappointing results.

This, of course, doesn’t help the Wall Street (and Washington) theory that the economy is picking up steam. And the weather couldn’t be blamed for this disappointing bit of economic news unless shoppers suddenly became allergic to the sun and decide to stay inside.

But I have an excuse that Wall Street should start using.

A Web site called http://www.vouchercloud.net just completed a study on “stress spending.” One-third of the 2,374 employed Americans who were surveyed admitted to spending money when they were feeling stress.

The average amount: $185 per shopping trip.

Here’s my theory: Maybe Americans are spending less these days because they suddenly don’t feel as much stress because the economy is doing better? Yeah, it’s crazy. But if you present that argument — with a straight face — people might believe you.

Tell your friends. I’d like to hear some idiot on CNBC use this explanation in the near future.

Another sign that the economy really isn’t doing so well: Gasoline prices this Labor Day will be the lowest since 2010. How can that be if the economy is doing so well?

What’s most astounding is that prices are down even though there is enormous unrest in the Middle East and Russia.

Sure, the US is finding more oil. And, yes, eventually auto technology will become so advanced that we won’t even need oil.

But right now the slow economy is keeping a lid on gasoline prices — and even Wall Street speculators aren’t able to jack up the price.

This makes me feel better about my habit of immediately hanging up on unsolicited phone calls.

A group called Truecaller says Americans lost $8.6 billion to phone scammers in the past 12 months. The survey, conducted by Harris Poll, found that 17.6 million Americans lost an average of $488.80 each to these fraudsters

That breaks down to $35.60 for every adult in this country.

This part wasn’t in the survey, but I bet even phone scammers wouldn’t accept bitcoin as payment.