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Apple and Facebook have started a useful conversation with the novel perk of enabling employees to freeze their eggs. Other companies, from banks to Silicon Valley giants like Google, are said to be considering doing the same. Experts and analysts have speculated about the companies’ nefarious motives, how the new benefit will send the message that women should focus on work and delay having children.

As a 36-year-old who has been treated for infertility for two years, I think the fact that Apple and Facebook may not be doing everything to promote work-life balance should not eclipse the fact that they are offering something. But I also have a message for women considering this option: Freezing eggs is not the same as freezing time.

I have now completed four cycles of in vitro fertilization (IVF), from which we retrieved a total of 27 eggs. This is the same process used for egg freezing, in which ovaries are stimulated with injectable medications and eggs are extracted, fertilized and cultured in a lab, and transferred to the uterus. After these extensive interventions, my husband and I are still childless.

Our foray into the world of reproductive endocrinology began with a hopeful prognosis. I was 34 when we sought help, and all the standard baseline tests – hormone levels, follicle count, sperm count and radiology – showed normal ranges.

Women should know that of the eggs retrieved and frozen, a small percentage are mature, genetically normal and capable of being fertilized. Doctors recommend banking 10 to 20 eggs for a good outcome. Of the 27 retrieved, 18 were mature and 13 fertilized. We transferred eight embryos in all.

One embryo, to our delight, seemed to “take”– I was pregnant. We saw the sac on the ultrasound and were elated to hear a heartbeat. But at our eight-week ultrasound, no heartbeat could be found. We watched our dream erode before our eyes. No reason was ever given; the analysis of the embryo came back normal.

One other embryo acted like a “chemical pregnancy,” which means a very low positive pregnancy test. But then the level of pregnancy hormone continued to rise abnormally, necessitating weeks of blood and ultrasound monitoring for fear of an ectopic, and eventually, a D. and C. procedure. We struggled through this protracted roller coaster knowing the pregnancy was nonviable.

What has exacerbated the pain of this journey is the lack of insurance coverage for any treatment. According to Resolve, the National Infertility Center, only 15 states have laws requiring some infertility coverage. In New York, group policies must provide diagnostic tests but are not required to cover treatment. This was my experience at my former law firm, and struck me as cruel — provide tools to identify a problem, but then cut people off when they need intervention.

At most clinics, one IVF cycle averages $10,000 and medications can run over $5,000. There are costs for optional procedures – not to mention psychotherapy, an almost necessary companion treatment. This is to say nothing of the time commitment and the need for flexible, understanding colleagues.

Early on, I had a nagging feeling that if we were not able to have children naturally, perhaps we were not meant to be parents. My mother challenged my thinking. If I had cancer, she said (as she did years ago), would I take it as a sign that I was not supposed to live, and forgo chemotherapy?

Infertility is not only a treatable condition but also a disability. Dealing with the inability to conceive is a special sort of grief. There is no acceptance and moving on. Each month is its own repeating cycle of hope followed by crushing disappointment. As we watched three siblings and scores of friends conceive and have babies while we were stalled in the longest check-out lane in eternity, we were left with a feeling of hostility mixed with misery at being on the other side of the glass looking in.

For people faced with this emotional incapacitation, having some way to alleviate the financial burden would be significant. Many insurance plans include coverage for mental health or for procedures such as sex reassignment surgery. Infertility should not be left out.

I hope that in the future more insurance plans will enable people to try IVF and pursue alternative options such as donor egg, surrogacy or adoption. I hope that egg freezing also becomes more accessible. But I advocate caution before heralding that last option as a revolution in women’s emancipation.

This technology has enormous potential, but is not the fountain of youth. While I’m heartbroken that those 27 hopes turned out to be empty promises, I am grateful I didn’t put them in the freezer and rely on the notion that they would become my children.