I’ll admit it, you had me worried there for a sec; The deadline came and went and you did not a move a muscle. Right around Christmas I figured that you most likely hated me and believed I deserved nothing…. and I had made peace with that. I picked myself up, said, “It’s doesn’t matter, your giftee liked your gift and that’s enough” and carried on.

But it was lies. I needed your love, and was devastated that you withheld it from me.

Then BAM: “Gift has been shipped.” The 26th?! Yous a tricky one. Going in for those post-Christmas sales, I see and respect that. I check out the full details and it says there are two packages coming to me—Whaaaaa?! All of a sudden I’m the luckiest girl on Reddit. Not only does my secret santa not hate me, but you love me so much you want to show me twice.

Then the waiting began.

I checked the progress every day—sometimes twice a day. But, one tracking number was… off. It looked a little silly with no dashes or breaks, and it was making zero progress on the track-o-meter while the other was slowly making its way cross-country.

“Must be a mistake,” I said, and then just assumed there was only one package coming. Luckily by then I was so giddy with anticipation that it didn’t even bother me. And then it came. I opened my cylindrical package and what did I find? A Game of Thrones poster. Tight. You read my rambling and deciphered that I like GoT, but not only that, you somehow knew that I enjoyed my information about my beloved characters in a handy scientific-like table (hence, the “Table of Thrones”).

I was happy. I appreciated you. You awesome possum. I spent the last couple of days searching for an appropriate frame for my new treasure (I eventually found one in storage. Don’t knock it, it’s cheap!).

Then today I come home and what do I see, but a small package and it’s addressed to me. “OMG! It’s a 6-days-after-New-Years miracle! The second tracking number wasn’t a dud! It was just a late bloomer.” I open ‘er up and see what appears to be the Link to the Past cartridge. Tight, tight, tight, tight. (This is actually the only Zelda game I’ve never finished, I don’t think I told you that, but you knew… you knew.) I pick it up and immediately notice that it is:

A. Too Heavy and B. Smells delicious.

Flip it over and DUDE, it’s SOAP. Dat Dope Soap. This has instantly become one of the coolest Zelda collector’s items I own. Will I wash with it? NO! but I will smell it every chance I get and stare at it lovingly. Maybe I’ll make a pact with myself vowing to use that soap the day I finish LttP—yeah, I like that.

And so I am happy, and you did that. You did that with your hands and your heart. So thank you man or missus, you rocked my Christmas cock; And I liked it, I liked it so hard.

TLDR: Super awesome gifts! You’re super cool, hugs and kisses 4eva!!