too many questions my gals and pals, so without futher adue, STAR WARS THE LAST JEDI AS TOLD BY ME, SEEN IT YESTERDAY AT THE DUTCH GALA PREMIERE, ENJOY:

first things first, i forgot to add the stuff about luke telling rey, kylo telling rey and luke tellling rey again about the academy scene, you should check out my earlier post for that bc there’s three stories, also i forgot to add in that rey is very mad at the fake story luke told her, so she tries to beat him up, then he tells the truth, he thought about killing kylo, he didnt, kylo woke up, saw luke standing at the edge of his bed with a lightsaber, he protecc himself but also turns to the dark side and blows up the academy,

okay for now, enjoy:

- The movie starts off with Rose’s sister dying because the resistance is trying to flee from the first order, poe was supposed to just takes the canons out, but commands everybody to take out one of their biggest ships but they lose a lot of troops and leia is mad

- Rey is on Ach-To, luke throws away the light saber and doesn’t want to train rey in the beginning

- In the mean time Snoke is pissed at hux because of the ship they lost but he gets away with it and then kylo comes in and now snoke is even MORE PISSED since its kylo and he goes on about him losing to ‘some girl wielding a light saber for the first time’ and tells him to take his ridiculous mask off, kylo gets pissed too, kylo gets shocked with purple lasers by snoke and leaves after hearing that snoke doesn’t think he will be the next vader, he then gets in the lift where the trailer moment is where he smashes his mask

- Then he gets on one of his fighters to blow up the bridge on the resistance ship where leia is located, he can’t do it but the other fighters do it for him, he now think leia is dead. But leia being the boss ass bitch she is uses the force to get back to the ship (I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE A FEVER DREAM BUT IT HAPPENED) to get back on the ship and gets put in one of the health tanks things, pink haired lady whose name I forgot is now taking her place, poe is not amused

- In the mean time rey is still not getting any further with luke

- Finn tries to escape the ship with a tracker that fell from leia’s arm while she was led to the medbay thing so he can be somewhere safe where rey will find him with her tracker, this doenst happen because rose tasers the shit outta him. They bond over some ship knowledge when he gets up and they come up with some plan to get a code cracker to break into the first orders ship to break their light speed tracker, poe is amused, but looks jealous

- Rey finds a tree with the old jedi scrolls and is like why are they calling to me and then luke is like bitch wh o a re you I will train you three times

- Rey and kylo have their first force bond moment, basically it means that they can just see the other person in their own surroundings, the first moment is rey waking up yelling at him and shooting at him, kylo is confused and also kind of hurt by being shot

- Luke then is MAD at rey during their first training because she goes straight into the dark hole and he’s like Uhm why didn’t YOU step away FROM THE DARK WHEN IT OFFERED U SOMETHING and he stays mad

- In the mean time finn and rose leave the ship to go to canto and the fucking story line over there is that they park their ship on the beach and get fucking jailed for it, there they meet dj and he breaks himself out and they go a separate way, bb8 goes with dj and finn and rose break out some big ass horse bird whatever the fuck they were animals and run the fuck outta there basically wrecking the entire town and get picked up by dj and bb8 in a stolen ship

- Kylo and rey share more force bond moments, they happen randomly, one of them is where kylo tell rey she’s a nobody but she means something to him (I can’t remember the actual lines im so sorry)

- Things happen on the resistance ship, mostly poe being mad about leia laying in a healing thing and him not getting along with pink haired lady

- Another force bond with rey and kylo where rey is standing in the rain and isn’t very happy, since luke is mad™ at her and shes like ‘can we not do this’ and kylo’s like ‘I don’t want this either right now’ and rey turns around to face him and he’s shirtless just standing around in some boots and pants and rey is like PUT SOME CLOTHES ON THANKS but he doesn’t bless

- More things at canto happen but I legitimately described everything that happened over there in that one point minus the fact that rose and her sister grew up in some mines and that she has to give her necklace (the some one her now dead sister had) to dj to board the ship and shes not amused

- Another force bond scene with kylo and rey with them sitting facing each other, they touch their hands, luke storms in and is not amused again, rey storms off with chewie to the snoke ship to bring ben solo back

- In the mean time yoda ghost fucking shows up while luke wants to burn down the tree cave with the jedi scrolls, yoda brabbles the usual yoda wise talk which is amazing and then blows up the tree himself its so good

- Rey arrives at the ship and gets slapped in cuffs, Rey is not amused, rey and kylo get into an elevator together and rey tells him she saw his future and that he will turn to the light side and be ben solo again, kylo babbles on again about having killed of ben solo, and said that he saw her fighting alongside her

- In the mean time dj rose and finn get onto the first order shit to take out the tracker device

- Snoke gets luke’s info from rey by torturing the shit outta her and kylo is not amused, Snoke asks Kylo to kill Rey, rey is telling snoke he wont do it since there is still ben solo in him, Snoke says something along these lines ‘I see whats in his mind, he will ignite that saber and kill his true enemy’. Snoke thinks its about rey, plot twist, its about snoke himself since rey took luke’s saber with her, and snoke took it and put it next to him, kylo activates the light saber splitting snoke in half

- In the mean time the resistance ship is trying to evacuate with little transport thingies, that apparently can be cloaked to go to crait and pink haire girly will stay behind in the ship

- Finn and rose get caught, phasma is mean

- Dj fucking ratted them out that fucking disgusting asshole, at least he gave rose her necklace back but still fuck that dude

- Shit goes fucking mental men like absolutely fucking to shit my favourite scene ever!!!! KYLO AND REY START FIGHTING OFF SNOKE’S GUARDS TOGETHER THEY ARE FUCKING SLASHING AND HELPING EACH OTHER FIGHTING SIDE TO SIDE, IN THE END REY AND KYLO ARE BOTH LOSING, BUT REY OVERPOWERS HER GUARD, KILLS HIM AND FUCKING CHUCKS THE SABER AT KYLO, KYLO FORCE GRABS THE FUCKING SABER OUTTA THE AIR, DEACTIVES THE FUCKER, AND HOLDS IT UP AND PRESSES IT ON AND OFF REAL QUICKLY EXECUTING THE DUDE BEHIND HIM, THE THEATER WENT BAT SHIT INSANE

- Oh no troubles, the first order noticed the little transporties leaving the ship and starts knocking them outta the air

- Kylo and rey, kylo begs rey to join him to wipe out the jedi, the sith, the resistance, the empire, the republic and all the old to create a new order in the galaxy, rey has doubt, but is also not down to join him, he says please and my heart breaks in seventy pieces grab the lightsaber, kylo does too, they are equals and the saber splits in half

- At that very moment the fucking light saber FUCKING LUKES LIGHTSABER SPLITS IN HALF PINK HAIRED LADY GOES KAMIKAZE AND FUCKING DROPS THE RESISTANCE SHIP ON THE BIG ASS SHIP OFF THE FIRST ORDER IN L I G T H SPE EED

- THIS HAPPENS WHEN ROSE AND FINN ARE ABOUT TO BE EXECUTED, THIS DOESN’T HAPPEN, THE TROOPERS ARE GETTING SHOT BY BB8 ON A FUCKING BIG ASS THING MATE I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON AND EVEN FINN WAS CONFUSED

- Phasma finn showdown is short, it looks like finn will lose, WRONG he wacks her on the head so hard a part of the helmet comes off, she is not happy, the floor caves in, phasma is gone in some flames and probably dead for all I know

- Rey fled the ship, the resistance is down on crait, kylo wakes up (the funniest shit about this is that hux came in and saw kylo on the floor nd wanted to grab his blaser, but kylo woke up and he put it back so FUCKING QUICKLY), kylo says rey killed snoke. Hux is a very very very sad person. Hux doesn’t want to worship anybody else but snoke, kylo isn’t amused, kylo force chokes the shit outta hux. Hux now follows kylos commands

- Finn and rose escape to crait, and the cliché ‘oh noes we almost got shot by our own people’happened again.

- The entire resistance is on the old rebel base on crait, rey is somewhere in the air with chewie and probably seventy porgs

- Hux and kylo and their peoples against the resistance show down. A lot of fighting happens, they pull out a big ass fucking laser to shoot thru the big ass base door, the weird crait things race to it, poe tells everybody to knock it the fuck off, they do and flee inside, everyone except finn and rose. Finn wants to kamikaze himself, rose saves him. Rose is dying™ and kisses finn and I was gonna cry but I didn’t.

- Big ass laser baser goes off, then finn drags rose in. BOOM LUKE SKYWALKER IS HERE, he and leia share a moment, ‘you we’re gonna say I changed my hair’ and then he says something in the lines of that he liked it, he gives some cubes to leia and then walks out on the field

- Also rey is in the air with the falcon surprise! Kylo is mad! Kylo sends all air troops after rey!

- Kylo orders hux to order everyone to shoot the fucking shit outta luke, luke being the badass he is, fucking just steps outta it.

- Kylo is mad

- Kylo vs luke showdown, some really impressive fighting, kylo is back to his ole dole rage days and I was going crazy man im telling you. K y l o c u t s t h r o u g h l u k e s m i d d l e. luke doesnt have a fucking scratch, tells kylo that if he kills him he will haunt him like han does

- Kylo goes for the kill! Surprise! This is not the real luke, this is just a projection. Luke bought the resistance more time to flee, by following the foxes they find an opening, it’s a pile of rocks, they are sad. Rey is on the other side looking for some foxes

- Luke stops his astral projection. Kylo is a mad person

- Rey evacuates everyone outta the base by floating some rocks, kylo gets in the base, he finds the cubes. Somewhere on ach-to we see luke, he’s sitting on some rocks, he disappears. He is dead, it was peacefully according to rey and leia who felt it.

- Kylo’s blocks disappear

- Force bond activates, kylo just looks at rey, rey looks at kylo, rey shuts the door of the falcon. End of force bond

- Everyone is on the falcon, there is not a lot of people, the entire resistance fits on the falcon, this is bad news, but!!! There are new children, ones who take care of the weird ass bird horse things on Canto, they have a resistance ring from rose, one has the force

- End of movie and everyone going batshit insane