How To: Differentiate Real From Fake Breasts

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Too far apart

If you can fit your fist between her breasts, they're probably fake. The doctor should have scraped the pectoral tendons to give them a more natural emplacement, but he didn't.

Asymmetrical nipples

True, you don't always see nipples through clothes, but if she's wearing a see-through top, a really tight shirt or even if it's just a little cold out, take a glance at them. Nipples are seldom perfect, but a bad boob job may put them too high, too low, or not pointing in the same direction.

Stretch marks

This usually stems from the surgery. Skin stretches as we grow, but stretched skin can also leave marks — usually little red lines. If she went too big or her doctor wasn't that great, you might spot the stretch marks.

However, if she's a yo-yo dieter, she may have gained and lost a bunch of weight, which would also cause stretch marks. Watch out for this.

Disproportional body

You can usually tell if her breasts are fake by comparing them to the rest of her body. Although there is the rare woman who has a smoking body and unusually large natural breasts, more than a few women make the mistake of going too large. Fortunately, these women are easy to spot. If she has a dancer's body and breasts like a porn star, that could be a good indication. If you have your doubts, check them out while she's moving. If they're fake, they won't follow her body movements. For example, if she waves to a friend, they stay put.

She's too confident

Confidence comes in two flavors:

The crude: She wants to flaunt her new assets. That can be anything from the way she dresses — emphasizing her breasts with low-cut, revealing and bra-less attire, to talking about her breasts — if she's really bold.

The prude:She got them done, but she doesn't want people to know. She'll be proud of her appearance, but she'll steer attention and conversation away from her breasts. In other words, she'll look great, but she won't dress or act like the hottest girl in the room.

Watch out for the enemy of the detector

The padded bra

A padded bra does two things that fake boobs do: It enhances size and it fights gravity.

In the case of a padded bra, a trained eye can see how the breast fills it. If it is filled out and looks very firm, then there's a good chance that they're fake. That likeliness drops if the bra is too small and is overfilled. Then again, in that case, fake breasts will still keep a good shape whereas the real ones might overflow in the bra.

The stuffed bra

This the equivalent of a guy putting a sock in his pants. They do give a nice overall shape to the breast, but the guy will be disappointed with the real deal.

female body inspector

While it's fun to wonder about the different women you see, it's probably not a good idea to spend all of your time trying to stare at women's chests trying to figure out if hers are real or fake. Look at a couple of faces every now and then.

Anyway, in the end, does it really matter? Find a woman you like, give her your best line, and find out for yourself if they're real or fake. Or, hit up a strip club for practice.