Recent articles in this newspaper about evangelical churches' "oppressive" doctrine of male headship reveal a complete failure to understand the Christian psyche.

I am a Christian woman who has been married for eight years. I have never restrained myself in any way to subordinate myself to my husband. We are both educated professionals who admire one another's skills and intellect, and think each other better than ourselves.

The assumption that fear is the primary reason teaching about the submission of wives survives in evangelical churches today is wrong. Credit:Darren Baker

We've never sat down to work out how it is that I "submit" and he "leads" in our marriage. To do so would seem artificial, rather than a natural overflow of love for one another. However on my part, there is a willingness to let him lead us, and on his part, a desire to put my needs above his own.

It might be hard to see how this is "submitting" and "leading" at all, until you stand it against the backdrop of our culture where it is fair game for men to joke about their wives as a ball and chain - something my husband despises. Or, contrast it to marriages where it is normal for couples to drink themselves into oblivion on the weekend, so that neither partner could possibly care for the other's needs above themselves. Or, to couples where the wife who is at home with young children has no confidence that her husband will work hard to provide for their family. Or, to the marriage where the wife is constantly criticising and undercutting her husband so that he retreats to the shed most days for peace and quiet.