Imagine having one desire your entire life. It is instilled as a four year-old, and the passion grows stronger and stronger through the years. At the beginning, it’s only a pipe dream, but eventually reality commences and the possibility becomes real. Growing up in a baseball family I was introduced to this great game early in life. It’s cliché, but throughout my life I heard I was throwing a ball before I could walk.

I’ll admit, it took a lot of work to get as far as I did. I was always the smaller guy on Little League teams, and prayed for the day my growth spurt would finally hit. For me, it was the summer between the end of eighth grade and my freshman year of high school. I was growing, getting stronger, and my athletic ability finally came into blossom. I’ve always considered myself a great athlete, and baseball was always one of my favorite sports. Basketball was the earliest love of my life, but I was vertically challenged. At 5’10” I never had the necessary height to find a career playing basketball. That being said, there was no doubting the possibility of playing baseball.

My throwing arm was always my special gift. I had to work extremely hard on hitting as I always struggled using my lower body in my swing. I didn’t allow this to hinder my career as I worked my ass off with tee work, soft toss, and numerous swings in the batting cage. Eventually, my senior year of high school began and I was able to put it together with my arm, speed, and hitting. I saw myself signing a letter of intent with a university in Ohio and was ready to get my collegiate experience started. Playing for a smaller high school in Northwest Indiana, it was a dream come true to move on to the next level.

I was signed as a centerfielder, but was always interested in pitching. I pitched in three games my senior year of high school–one as a starter, and two in relief. Upon arriving in Ohio, I was asked if I wanted to pitch, and I jumped at the opportunity. Moving forward, I would focus nearly 80% of my practices on pitching. I was intrigued to get my collegiate baseball career started as pitcher. I knew I had the arm, work ethic, and talent to transition into a pitcher.

One concept that was new to me was the pitching workload. In high school, we had a throwing program throughout the winter, but it didn’t compare to that of a collegiate pitcher. We would long toss everyday, and this continued throughout the winter. I remember throwing when there was snow on the ground, and it was extremely difficult to get my arm loose. Nevertheless, I kept pushing forward and working as hard as I could. I can remember before the winter hit feeling discomfort in my arm. It was nothing out of the ordinary, and I had experienced dead arm that many players get before a season starts. It was nothing serious, but still something to pay attention to while getting ready for our season to start. Over Christmas Break, I remember throwing back in my high school gym, and throwing live pitching sequences to the high school team from my high school.

The spring finally arrived and it was off to our spring trip to Port Charlotte, FL. I remember the bus ride down to Florida, and our initial arrival to the baseball complex that surrounded Port Charlotte. We got off the bus and immediately had a long toss session to get ready for the following day’s games. The air was humid, and mass amounts of moisture accumulated in my pitching hand. I tried getting dirt in my hand to minimize the amount of moisture. I felt some soreness in my elbow, but it wasn’t anything I wasn’t accustomed to. A day or so later I was ready to pitch in my first game against a smaller college from Minnesota. I remember warming up, and feeling alright. I didn’t feel my best, but it was enough to feel loose enough to take the mound. I remember going through my warm up sequence, and getting ready for the first batter to step into the plate.

My first pitch was a fastball high for ball one. I shook off the catcher and immediately went to a breaking ball. During my warm ups, the moisture built up in my hand and disallowed getting the normal break on my curveball. To make up for this deficiency I tried coming from the side more instead of staying on top of the ball. I took the sign from the catcher and got into my windup. I remember turning to the side of the ball and immediately feeling an excruciating pain in the center of my elbow. It felt as if someone had stuck a knife into my elbow and I remember grimacing. I knew something was wrong, but tried to get back to the next pitch; another fastball. It went for a base hit, and I didn’t have much velocity on the ball. I barely got out of the inning, and wasn’t able to come out for another pitch. I talked to the coach, and decided to shut it down for what I thought was tendonitis. I didn’t throw anymore games in FL and upon returning to our university, I shut it down for two weeks and saw the trainers. The initial diagnosis was elbow tendonitis, but I knew there was something else going on. I started attending physical therapy, and did many exercises and ultrasounds. This lasted until the last day of school. I transferred to a university back home and had an MRI over the summer. The first doctor I visited said I had tendonitis and recommended physical therapy.

Physical therapy lasted throughout the summer, and into the following school year. I decided to get a second opinion, and another MRI. The second doctor specialized in lower extremities, and he recommended I see a colleague of his working at Northwestern University in Chicago. Before my initial consultation, I had a third MRI done and brought all three MRIs to the visit. Within five minutes of reviewing the MRIs the doctor said my ulnar collateral ligament was shot, and he wanted to try a cortisone shot to settle any inflammation in my elbow. I recall attending a minor league tryout for a team in my hometown area, and it didn’t go very well. I couldn’t get any velocity on my pitches and was hit hard by opposing batters. There was a break for lunch before receiving call backs. I knew I wasn’t going to get one so I headed home once the break started.

Upon returning home I was extremely upset. I remember taking a stress ball and throwing it as hard as I could at a closet in my hallway. I was screaming to the point of tears and wanted my elbow to snap off. Two weeks later I returned to the doctor’s office and the symptoms were still there. I remember having sharp pains when I would turn door handles or reach straight to the ground with my pitching arm fully extended. The doctor agreed the next step would be Ulnar Collateral Replacement Surgery (Tommy John Surgery). I had the surgery in June of 2008 at Northwestern in Chicago. While many individuals use their own tissue, I received donor tissue. Three days later surgery therapy began. Surgery was the easy part, as I didn’t remember anything, but the next two years brought upon a rehabilitation process that was nothing I could’ve prepared myself for.

I would consider myself more of an uptight person. To this day, I’ve never been one to sit still, and that’s lead to tighter muscles than one would want. Throughout my entire rehab process, I kept a word document keeping track of my therapy sessions two times a week, as well as jotting down things that were happening throughout the sporting world of my favorite sports teams. After getting my stitches taken out, I remember not being able to bend my arm to the point where I could touch my throwing shoulder. This was extremely frustrating, and it took over a year in a half to get my full range of motion. Even then, I wasn’t able to workout like I used to, and this kept me out of the gym for some time. One of the more humorous days prior to surgery came a week after therapy. I had to take pain killers, and this absolutely destroyed my stomach. I don’t know how many of you have been prescribed pain killers, but after awhile they start to constipate a person. I remember going almost a week without defecating. I bought Ex-lax and was told to take three pills. This turned out to be a horrible idea as I spent an entire day on the toilet.

There are athletes like Adrian Peterson who are freaks of nature. We saw him tear his ACL at the end of the season and return the following to have a career-year. Professional athletes like him have the best therapists, and easily attend therapy sessions each day. This wasn’t the case for myself. I had therapy on Tuesdays and Fridays at 7AM. I would love to say I kept a positive attitude, but the mental grind took its toll. It became extremely frustrating that the surgery affected many aspects of life. I couldn’t throw or workout like I once did. I not only had to regain my full range of motion, but also rebuild my entire arm strength. Exercises spanned from stretches that hurt more than anything I’ve endured, ultrasounds, deep-tissue massages, throwing a weighted ball off a trampoline, and continuously icing my elbow. As much as I hate to admit, there was a bit of depression that set in. I wasn’t a joy to be around, and it started to reflect in my college courses. It wasn’t that I became lazy, but I didn’t look forward to anything. This led to not wanting to do things on the weekends, and it killed a dating relationship along the way. Regardless, I was still determined to get through rehab and hopefully play baseball one more time.

Looking at the mental aspect of rehabilitation, there were numerous thoughts that went through my mind. It amazed me that such a small ligament could cause such havoc in a baseball player. I didn’t know if I would ever regain full range of motion or if I had played my last baseball game. I felt cheated. I had worked so hard to get to college, and when I arrived I wanted to outwork all of my teammates. I had to watch baseball on television, and I’d get extremely upset when I’d see players making mental errors that I knew I’d never make. Still, I was on the outside looking in, but it wasn’t all that bad. For the first time in a long time I became a student of the game. I’d watch games, pick up on pitcher and batter tendencies, and draw out bunt coverages while attending classes. I can recall someone watching me do this and ask what I was doing. Occupational therapy became apart of my daily life, but I was still depressed that there was no ending in sight.

Watching baseball became extremely difficult. It may have been selfish, but I couldn’t stand watching other people play the game I loved more than anything in life. I expected to make the Big Leagues, and that dream took a major detour. I remember attending a Cubs game and I had to wear the Mayo Clinic Brace that could be adjusted to help retract my arm to help my range of motion. It was uncomfortable wearing a device that made me look like a machine. I had to adjust it throughout the day, and it was extremely painful.

A year passed, and I was finally starting to see improvements. I was starting to regain my range of motion, and inch closer to working out like I used to. I started throwing outside whenever I could. I tried constructing my own throwing program while using sources the therapists had printed out. It was going well, but I had other obligations that hindered me from being able to throw on a normal schedule. Either way, I saw improvements and this helped my overall morale. I entered my final semester of college in August of 2009. My full range of motion had finally returned, and I wanted to continue playing baseball.

The only problem was I had no connections to any type of baseball program. College baseball was no longer an option, so I had to get creative. I remember dating a girl who found a professional league out in Italy. I entertained the idea, and it took over my entire thought process. It became all I talked about, and this definitely killed the relationship. I was back on my baseball trip and finished my undergraduate degree in December 2009. . I reached out to the baseball league and stated my interest in their league. I sent video of me throwing as well as a player biography. During September of 2010, I was on a flight to Piacenza, Italy.

The excitement of being able to play again consumed me. I tried getting back into shape, but it wasn’t nearly the shape I was in pre-surgery. Upon arriving in Italy, I was anxious to get back onto the field. There was only one issue that I’ve never admitted to anyone: my arm wasn’t in good enough shape to pitch. I had been throwing, but I wasn’t on a throwing program to get me through a game. I remember warming up before a game and my elbow started to lock up. There was no pain, but the muscle tightened immediately. I remember throwing my first inning, and I wasn’t loose enough to go out for a second. The trip to Italy was more of a tryout to get a contract for the following season. I remember returning home, and over the winter I reached out to the coach of the team. He said the team had a budget cut, and they weren’t able to sign players and actually lost a few. It was extremely disappointing, and it was back to the drawing board.

My brief stint in Italy was the last time I’d taken the mound in any type of baseball game. It’s been six years since I went to Italy, and I’ve never played in another game. In 2011, I went to another tryout for the minor league team in my hometown area, but this time as an outfielder. It went alright, but I knew my playing days were over. It’s not that I couldn’t compete, but I wasn’t in game shape. Physically, I could compete with anyone, but it had been a few seasons since I saw live pitching. If you’re going to tryout for an Independent League team, it’s an all or nothing situation. Regardless, that was the last time I tried out and I knew it as the last time I ever would.

Through the years, I’ve paid attention to baseball. I’ve been writing for Major League Fantasy Sports, and I’ve transformed myself into a talent evaluator. I’ve always been enamored with mechanics, and I’ve been able to breakdown players of all levels since my playing days ended. Now, my ultimate desire is to work with a Major League organization, and one day become a general manager. I’ve yet to knock down any doors, but I pray that one day the opportunity comes. I still have a hard time watching baseball games as I desire to be out there badly. Some may call this selfish or jealousy, but it’s tough when it was my major goal throughout my life. I believe I’d be more relaxed if I were watching while working for an organization.

I’ve had time to talk to other athletes that have overcome similar surgeries. A current coworker of mine was a D1 football player. He was signed as a wide receiver, and played an entire season before transitioning to tight end. He tore his ACL in his sophomore season, and had to overcome the grueling rehabilitation process that I did. His story was similar as he felt the same emotions, and after returning he reinjured his ACL while going through non-contact drills. It’s become interesting sharing my story, as he felt the same mental effects and had to watch from the sideline. I asked him if it was hard watching football while knowing he could be out there. He agreed that it’s difficult, and becomes more so during college football season. He dreamed of reaching the NFL, and believed he would have it weren’t for the ACL injuries to the same knee. It was therapeutic meeting another competitive athlete who had his career ended before it fully blossomed.

While my story is similar to numerous baseball players, I wanted to share it with individuals who always wondered what Tommy John Surgery was like. Surgery is the easy part, but the mental aspect definitely takes a toll. I’ve had great support from my family and friends, and they were by my side throughout every level of rehabilitation. I’m extremely grateful for each and every one of them. I’m hoping my story reaches those who may have had the surgery, who are currently going through rehabilitation, or those who wanted to know the full process of Ulnar Collateral Replacement Surgery (Tommy John Surgery).

If I could give any advice to baseball players who are getting ready to have the surgery or are currently going through therapy I would say stay focused and positive. It’s not going to be easy, but it’ll be worth it when you have completed the rehabilitation process. I can assure everyone that they’ll get back to their ordinary self in a matter of time. Be thankful that technological advances have made this surgery possible. Find hobbies that will take your mind off of the mental grind. I played a lot videos games, studied, and watched a lot of Series A soccer. I couldn’t drive for a few months, so I had a lot of down time. I’d suggest documenting the rehabilitation process. I would keep a Word document detailing each therapy session and the strides I made throughout each month. I paid attention to other baseball players who were going through surgery, and tried to find articles on their rehabilitation process. I remember reading articles on Francisco Liriano as he was making his return from rehabilitation as I was starting the process. Lastly, make the best of the situation. This is a career-saving surgery, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Even now, my elbow scar has started many conversations at the gym. While it’s difficult to see the scar, it’s been brought up when I talk sports, specifically baseball, with a number of people.

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(Click the RED link below to listen)

Major League Fantasy Football Radio: Join Ej Garr, Corey D Roberts, and Bryan Luhrs live Sunday September 25th, 2016 from 11am-12:30pm EST for episode #69 of Major League Fantasy Football Radio. This is a live broadcast and we take callers at 323-870-4395 press 1 to speak with the hosts. We will be breaking down key matchups, discussing fantasy start/sit, some DFS, and handicapping as well.

Bryan is the owner os Real Deal Dynasty Sports, a writer with MLFS, and a frequent guest on our radio shows.

You can find our shows on I-Tunes. Just search for Major League Fantasy Sports in the podcasts section. For Android users go to “Podcast Republic,” then download that app, and search for “Major League Fantasy Sports Show”

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