Ladies, prepare to buy a ticket to England, so that you can find this lady and flip your shit in person.

This morning, I read one of the most frustratingly dumb articles I've ever seen. The title? "I left the love of my life, because I thought I could do better. Now I'm childless and alone at 42." And, no, it is not an Onion article as you might expect. This was published in The Daily Mail, a daily, albeit somewhat tabloid-y, British newspaper.

In the piece, a woman describes how she met a guy when she was a senior in high school and he proposed to her after a month of being together. They go on to be together of a couple of years, but things start to fizzle out. Most strikingly, she's pursuing a "big time" career and he really isn't as driven. Eventually, she dumps him. 10+ years later, she falls off the freaking sane bus and cliff dives into crazy town.

Here are some of the most table-flippingly maddening quotes:

Crazy: It all seemed so simple to my naïve, 19-year-old self. I was, I smugly told myself, the girl who had it all. So why, 20 years later, do I find myself single, childless and tormented by the fact that I have thrown away the only true chance of happiness I ever had? My Response: Come on. "Only true chance of happiness"? If your only chance of happiness relies on whether or not a man from high school married you, you've got much deeper troubles to contend with. Maybe you hate your career. Maybe you should have taken that trip you always talked about. Your happiness should never be contingent on another person or the fantasy of your future. A puzzle has more than two pieces. Crazy: Eight years after that wonderful engagement party in 1989, I walked away from dear, devoted, loyal Matthew, convinced that somewhere out there, a better, more exciting, more fulfilling life awaited me. Only there wasn't. Now I am 42 and have all the trappings of success - a high-flying career, financial security and a home in the heart of London's trendy Notting Hill. But I don't have the one thing I crave more than anything: a loving husband and family. My Response: Rage Level - Seeing red and white knuckling my keyboard. I hope to Christ that Matthew is not this dude's real name and she is not that psychotic. This is what bothers me so much about this statement. A better, more exciting, more fulfilling life did await her. She dumped a guy who didn't share her life goals and then went on to make them happen for herself. Then, she talks about "all the trappings of success" like they're nothing. Okay. You know what. Maybe you should have realized that wasn't something you wanted. That being a mom and a wife is noble enough and focused on that. BUT. You'd have nae money and relying on a dude working dead end jobs. Doesn't quite sound like happily ever after to me. I'm going to go ahead and speculate that just being this dude's wife and mother of his kids wouldn't make her happy either. And, how dare you perpetuate this ancient stereotype that the working woman who thinks for herself and has her own life is a bitter old shrew. Crazy: But we were each too jaded by previous heartbreak to make it work. And while I wanted children, he had a grown-up son and didn't want to start over again.

So once again I am on my own, my mind full of 'if-onlys'. If only I'd stayed with Matthew, we'd almost certainly be married with children. My Response: Head against wall. I'm sorry. You met a man who you really liked and he already had a kid and you weren't willing to find some sort of life compromise? Come again? Also, you broke up with Matthew in your mid-20s. That was not your only chance in the past decade to have kids. This lady's biological clock is like a Flava Flav necklace. This is seriously one of the most pathetic things I've ever read. Crazy: Or, maybe Matthew wasn't the right man. I will never know the answer, but my decision to leave him has definitely cost me the chance of ever becoming a mother. My Response: I'm sorry. What? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW RIGHT NOW WHILE YOU'RE WRITING THIS CRAZY ASS ARTICLE ABOUT A MAN YOU DATING 20 YEARS AGO WHETHER HE ACTUALLY WAS THE RIGHT MAN?!?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!?!

A quick assumption: Karen Cross does not have any good girlfriends, because a good girlfriend would have told you to get your shit together a long time ago. Seriously, can you imagine one of your friends moaning about a relationship that they ended (for totally valid and good reasons) more than a decade ago?

There is a ring of truth to Karen's tale. We've all been there. We date a man that we don't appreciate fully. We break up. And then, at some point, when we're on our third date with a guy who's dating profile title is more interesting than anything he's ever said in real life, we kinda realize that we were a dick for breaking up with the other guy. But, rather than stalking the guy you dumped, you take the lesson of "don't be a dick, be more appreciative and look for XYZ characteristic in a partner" and move forward as a smarter chick in search of meaningful experiences.

When I moved to Chicago, I met my first serious boyfriend on my third day in the city. It was one of those immediate, magnetic things you only get to experience a few times in your life. We were crazy about each other. I ended up dumping him, however, for very similar "I've got more to do" reasons. I was new to a new city and I had really big plans. I recognized in myself that I needed to get some stuff done before I could really be with somebody. Even now, that's a relationship that I think back on. BUT. I am so thankful that I made the decision that I did. It was the right decision for me and him.

I never would have known to appreciate him until I'd branched out on my own a bit. It's one of the many ways that life can be ironic and unfair sometimes. If I'd stayed with him, I wouldn't have been happy. I would have always thought "what if" about my life. He's married now (and probably has kids). There's no question that the person he ended up with at the time that he ended up with her was a better fit than I would have been at the time that we were together. Growth happens, but it doesn't overrule timing.

I just wish Karen Cross had focused on this part a little harder, because she's right here:

At this time of year, so many people will be assessing their lives and relationships, wondering if the grass is greener on the other side. Many will mistake contentment for boredom, forgetting to cherish the good things they have. I would urge those who are considering walking away from such riches to think again.

Yes, understand when to take a step back and just appreciate where you are. Take account for who you are with and who you are together. The grass isn't greener on the other side, it's just greener where you water it.

You know what, that lifelong relationship isn't actually going to happen for all of us. You can meet someone, get married and get divorced. You can never get married. And, if you're not going to be one of the lucky ones who falls in love with someone, you better fall in love with something. The what you are doing with your time here. And, I think this is really, Karen Cross's bigger problem. She hasn't fallen in love with a man, sure. But, more importantly, she hasn't fallen in love with her life.