The pre-season matches for Blizzard’s hotly-anticipated Overwatch League ground to a halt today as six professional players at the top of their game found themselves facing off against six randoms who just hit ‘Quick Play’ and hoped for the best.

Excited pre-game banter from the commentary team in Blizzard’s expensive esports studio gave way to awkward silence, as quick player ‘DiccSucc420’ typed ‘im gay’ into match chat 27 times in succession before the match even began.

Despite fielding an unorthodox lineup of three defence heroes and no healers, the team of quick players somehow failed to capture the first point, the second point, or any point on any subsequent map.

Quick player ‘B00Binspecta’ gave a brief interview in match chat after the defeat, framing the loss as a communication problem.

“team is cancer” explained B00binspecta in his post-match analysis. “fuck u cunts. why u no heal me.”

“shit team,” he added thoughtfully.

Point & Clickbait understands that one Blizzard engineer immediately moved to kick the quick players from the server, but found herself blocked by a knife-wielding Jeff Kaplan who insisted that “the penalty for questioning the matchmaking algorithm is death”.