Peterson Toscano spent two decades and $30,000 trying to become straight.



He subjected himself to countless hours of learning to be what others described as more masculine and to be attracted to women.



Toscano's "gay rehab" quest took him across three continents. It included three exorcisms and a failed five-year marriage.



In 1999, emotionally devastated, Toscano embraced his sexual orientation.



"I never chose to be gay, but I chose every day for 17 years to not be gay, and that didn't work," said Toscano, 46, an actor and comedian who lives in Sunbury with his partner. "I really put all my heart and soul into it. This argument that it's a choice — it's not a choice. Even if it were a choice, it's not a bad choice. The important thing is for someone to be authentic."



Reparative therapy or conversion therapy — the controversial process designed to change the sexual orientation of gay men and women — has garnered national attention with reports that psychotherapist Marcus Bachmann, the husband of GOP presidential hopeful Michele Bachmann, counsels gay men on becoming straight at his Christian counseling centers.



Simply put, reparative therapy is based on the idea that being gay is wrong and that it can be reversed.





Every reputable medical authority, including the American Medical Association, has condemned the idea.

In 1997, the American Psychological Association declared that “homosexuality is not a mental disorder and the APA opposes all portrayals of lesbian, gay and bisexual people as mentally ill and in need of treatment due to their sexual orientation.”

In 1998, the American Psychiatric Association warned that “the potential risks of reparative therapy are great, including depression, anxiety and self-destructive behavior.”

Toscano said he has met more than 1,500 people who have been emotionally or psychologically devastated by these change therapies.

In reparative therapy, blame is often parceled out to either an overbearing parent, a negative experience or simple misbehavior, he said. The worst of the therapies included violent exorcisms, Toscano said.

“It brings a level of spiritual abuse,” he said. “It’s not just that you are sinful, but that you are potentially housing an evil spirit. For a young person to hear that — that’s a very scary thing.”

One of his lowest points came after two years in the residential program for “ex-gays” run by Love in Action of Memphis, Tenn., which Toscano said drained him of joy and humanity.

“When it didn’t work, I was told that it was my fault. That I didn’t try hard enough, didn’t want it enough,” he said. “It was constantly undermining my sense of self and the way that the world works. They try to unsettle you so you don’t trust your own ideas, your own opinions.”

Toscano compared the change therapies to an abusive relationship.

“It’s very controlling. It’s crazy,” he said. “It takes a huge amount of courage when someone can say, ‘Tough. I don’t care if I’m going to hell in a handbasket. This is driving me crazy. It’s destroying my life and I have to just stand up for what I think is right.’ ”

THE DANGERS OF COUNSELING

For all the voices warning about reparative therapy, there are those nationally and in central Pennsylvania who believe it can work for those who want it to work.

Gene Chase and his wife run Free!, a Christian counseling program out of the West Shore Evangelical Free Church now in its 25th year. Chase said his Monday night support group has helped countless people — mostly men — put aside same-sex desires and lead heterosexual lives.

“Homosexual behavior is wrong,” said Chase, citing the Roman Catholic Church, which makes a distinction between homosexual behavior and orientation. The church labels the former a sin, the latter an intrinsic disorder.

“The Catholic Church has traditionally taught the orientation is a disorder but not itself sinful,” Chase said.

His program is an offshoot of Exodus International, a national group that advocates “freedom from homosexuality through the power of Jesus Christ.”

Chase said his ministry is based on self-determination and addresses what the ministry believes causes same-sex inclinations, including childhood problems and sexual trauma. Free! suggests alternative methods to cope with same-sex desires and provides behavioral intervention.

“We don’t actually ask people to wear rubber bands on their wrists and snap them,” Chase said. “A lot of people who diss us from the moral liberal side accuse us of still doing things that were done by secular psychologists who believed homosexuality was wrong and who used aversion psychology. That has never been done in a Christian context.”

Chase said he brings a certain legitimacy to the program, having been gay in his youth but turning to his faith to become straight.

“Sometimes following Jesus requires self-denial,” said Chase, who has been married 37 years. “Self-denial in the Christian sense. The ‘deny yourself, take up your cross, follow Jesus.’ It’s not the same thing as being in denial.”

Arvel Beckstead, a psychologist who has researched reparative therapy and same-sex orientation in conservative religious communities, said he is opposed to reparative therapy but understands why people seek it out.

Often, these programs make promises and provide theories that make sense to the conflicted individual, he said. They might validate and support the client’s wishes and help them talk openly about what is troubling them.

But Beckstead emphasized the dangers of counseling that reinforces a negative sense of self and promises sexual orientation can be changed. Beckstead said no medically substantiated research supports the idea.

A member of the American Psychological Association who works out of Salt Lake City, Beckstead said the mental health community must counter social repression and stigma while understanding a gay person’s desire to work within his or her framework of faith and family.

“It’s a form of empowerment,” he said. “Leading them to feel authenticity wherever they are, helping them develop self-acceptance and identity.”

'THE GREATEST JOYS'

The furor fueled by Marcus Bachmann over reparative therapy comes at a time when support for gay rights stands at a historic high. A May Gallup poll found that 64 percent of Americans think gay relationships should be legally protected — the highest since it first asked the question more than 30 years ago.

Gallup also found that a majority of Americans — 53 percent — now believe same-sex marriage should be legal. When adults ages 18 to 34 were asked about gay marriage, support jumped to 70 percent.

Six states have now legalized same-sex marriage: New York, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, New Hampshire and Vermont, plus Washington, D.C.

New Jersey and Maryland recognize gay marriages performed in other states. Those states and Delaware also have civil unions.

The Rev. Lori E. Rivera is senior pastor at the Metropolitan Community Church of the Spirit in Harrisburg, a Christian congregation that ministers to gay and transgendered people. She said groups opposed to gay rights have taken same-sex references in the Bible out of context to meet their political agenda, much like others have in the past.

“Look how long it took the Southern Baptists to apologize for their role in slavery,” said Rivera, citing scriptural references to slaves and masters that the denomination used to support slavery.

Exodus International Executive Vice President Jeff Buchanan said the group considers the overall tone of the Bible.

“We believe God has defined sexual expression for us in the context of one man, one woman, and marriage is an expression of that,” Buchanan said. “Anything other than that is outside of what God has defined.”

The 36-year-old ministry receives 400,000 calls each year from people seeking counseling, he said. The group lists 250 member ministry churches.

Chase said a third of the people who go through Free! find no help. Another third report having no sexual orientation change. Another third, he said, are “eternally grateful” for the change they’ve found.

But change isn’t absolute. Chase said he is still subject to same-sex attractions.

“It’s perfectly appropriate for me to say I feel as though I would like to have sex with a man. I’m not in denial about that, and I don’t call it a suppression,” Chase said. “I choose not to give vent to that feeling, and I find great joy in that. Far from being a depressive thing, it has given me the greatest joys of my life.”

Those joys include his wife, three children and four grandchildren.

“A whole life I would not have experienced had I chosen to experience those other things that might’ve been pleasure but which the Bible teaches were for a short time,” Chase said.

Chase said he declines to help people he deems unstable or young people coerced into joining the group.

'DANGEROUS BUSINESS'

Toscano doesn’t dispute that a few, like Chase, may willingly reject their sexual orientation through reparative therapy. But he says they are overshadowed by the many who are deeply traumatized in the process.

“I see all their failures,” Toscano said. “If you care about people, you will not do this. This is dangerous business. It’s really bad stuff. It ruins lives.”

Toscano said most young people enter conversion counseling on their own, motivated largely by a desire to avoid the discrimination that can come with being gay.

“There are lots of incentives and there are lot of rewards for being heterosexual,” Toscano said. “Growing up, I knew that as a straight person if I got married I’d have a huge wedding, huge celebration and the relationship would be fully affirmed. But as a gay man today, if I announced I want to get married, I have to wonder what relatives won’t show up.”

The Very Rev. Churchill Pinder, dean of St. Stephen’s Episcopal Cathedral in Harrisburg, rejects the premise of reparative therapy. For Pinder, the quality of the relationship is what should matter to committed Christians.

“When I’m dealing with the modern, lifelong, monogomous and committed sexual relationship between two people — whether they are heterosexual or homosexual — I’ve found they really do have a perspective of faith, of self-giving love and forgiveness and grace,” he said. “Then I really do need to be open to the possibility that it’s very much in sync with Christian values.”

For Peterson Toscano, the real problem with reparative therapy is not one of theology but of simple health and safety.

“I’m not trying to convince people that being gay is right or wrong,” Toscano said. “I just want to make sure you don’t hurt young people in your care.”