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When it comes to Melania Trump, multiple things can be true if you try really, really hard not to operate at the same intellectual level as her dimwitted husband. Like, even if Slovenia’s new favorite daughter chose to pose nude back in her modeling days, it was wrong for the New York Post to publish those photos as it sought to exploit her sexuality and demean her. Similarly, as I wrote last fall, Melania has long seemed uncomfortable with the spotlight that came with being a candidate’s spouse, since she only signed up to be a rich man’s wife and hawk some jewelry.




However, while those two truths may exist, there is another that takes precedence: She married a bigoted megalomaniac, a vile monster with only minuscule traces of characteristics associated with humanity who had discussed a potential presidential run as far back as wife No. 1. Perhaps, like most of us, she assumed that her narcissistic nitwit of a husband was merely bullshitting, but there was always the risk that he would actually go through with a real foray into presidential politics.

So when it comes to the question of whether or not she deserves pity, ask yourself another question first: Why bother?


Over the weekend, Melania looked noticeably uncomfortable at every event associated with her husband’s inauguration. The visible discomfort was so obvious that some outlets reached out to body experts to further explain what may have been going on in Melania’s mind. On the pair’s awkward, rhythm-challenged inaugural dance, body-language expert and professional speaker Patti Wood noted to Mic that Melania leaned away from her husband, Parmesan Putin.

“That typically says, ‘I don’t want to merge with you as a partner,’” Wood explained, adding that Tangerine was “pulling her in sexually.”

In other words, the leader of the Aryan version of Love & Hip Hop: New York’s Creep Squad behaved exactly the way you’d expect—to Melania’s apparent horror. That, coupled with a GIF of a visibly bothered Melania, has sparked cries of “Free Melania.” No matter how well intentioned these efforts, there are ample reasons to scream up “Hell nah” in response.

Even when feeling somewhat bad for her, I always kept in the back pocket of my mind that she willfully chose to marry a racist, sexist jackass dedicated to the hobby of being disrespectful. As we move forward with this shit show of an administration, it’s time for all of us to keep such a tidbit front and center. We should also recall that when it comes to bigotry, Melania was an active participant in the very racist conspiracy theory that fueled her husband’s political rise.


Nearly six years ago, Melania appeared on Joy Behar’s HLN show and used her status as an immigrant to lend credence to the idea that President Barack Obama needed to show his papers to prove he’s a U.S. citizen. As fate would have it, last year it was reported that Melania worked as a model without a proper visa. The Trump campaign promised a press conference featuring Melania to address the matter, but as with Parmesan Putin’s tax returns, we never saw it.

And on that very appearance on Behar’s show, Melania touted many of the talking points (he’s a brilliant businessman, negotiator and straight shooter) that would guide her husband’s presidential campaign. One imagines that she might have told him in private, “I was just playing, you orange bitch; don’t do this to me!” but it’s still all her fault for leaving traces of her lipstick on his nonsense.


If her facial expressions are any indication, the next four years (or however long he lasts) will be painful. Still, there’s only so much sympathy one can have for a wealthy white woman who had no problem going on national television to help her boneheaded, racist husband achieve his goal of delegitimizing the first black president of the United States to cement himself as a political force. Let’s just say that if “so much sympathy” could be converted into currency, it would amount to a single peso.

Y’all want to free Melania? To quote rapper and philosopher Project Pat: “Don’t save her; she don’t wanna be saved.” She helped make her bed. Let her rot in it.