We wanted to help out in Normandy but we had bone spurs, explain Kurds

As Donald Trump tries to justify abandoning long-standing allies, specifically those who did the brunt of the fighting in the US campaign against ISIS, the Kurdish authorities have tried to change his mind by explaining they were plagued by painful bone spurs during World War 2.

Seimoun Walihamzeh, a veteran Kurdish Peshmerga, took time off from evacuating civilians to justify his shocking absence from conflicts the US got involved in over the past century.

“I know it seems cowardly that an oppressed stateless people have stayed out of most of the far-flung conflicts the US periodically gets mired in, but the truth is we’ve had these recurrent growths in our feet that prevent us from joining wars.

“We have a proper doctor’s note and everything.

“As for Mr Trump abandoning us to our fate, we would like for him to consider that our absence at Khe Sahn might be compensated by our recent actions. I myself fought against Saddam Hussein, Al-Qaeda during the American occupation and just spent a decade fighting ISIS alongside American Special Forces.

“I’m sure that is nothing for a mighty warrior like Donald Trump but I think he should consider helping us out if only because the US might again need allies in the next century and that’s tricky if you’re seen as a coward who abandons its friends.”

Historians have pointed out that several Kurdish people did assist the US in the Korean War as part of the highly decorated Turkish Brigade. Whereas Washington insiders believe it is possible the president confused the Kurdish combat record in US-led wars with his own personal record, which still stands at a very precise fuck-all.