Wanting for little more than a delicious bowl of milled corn covered in high fructose corn syrup and instead finding only abject terror, a 22-year-old Sydney man last week encountered a big ole fuckin’ snake laying in wait inside a box of cereal in what must constitute the most Manly Daily story ever.

Jarred Smith – pictured below faithfully recreating MFW I see a two metre diamond python in my usually reliably snake-free breakfast cereal – discovered an early contender for this week’s Straya Award last Tuesday when he went about his way preparing a bowl of corn flakes for a well-balanced lunch. He sets the scene thusly:

“It was super weird. I peaked [sic] in the box, saw its head pop out and that’s when I dropped my food on the counter and bolted for the door.”

A WIRES member was then called to remove the snake from self-incarceration; it’s free now, which is more than I can say for you and I, who will never again know what it is to truly “feel secure”:

“I couldn’t ­believe it was jammed into this small cereal box. When I got there I ­actually had to tear the box to get it out, that’s how tightly squeezed in it was. It’s likely it was hiding in there to feel secure.”

Yes, this looks about right. Super weird.

via The Daily Telegraph