On New Year’s Day I posted a comment to my Facebook page welcoming in the new year with some humor from David Miscavige’s address to the faithful sheeple at the event in Los Angeles.

A few other observations beyond noting the utter gibberish he spouted about compressed time and warp speed, a year equivalent to “a thousand years of triumph” and “arriving on the porch of eternity.”

I am ignoring the horrendous (from his perspective) events of the year that he also ignored. They need not be recounted, it suffices merely to say the words “Going Clear” passed the lips of orders of magnitude more people who had never set foot inside a scientology entity than even the most enthusiastic rah-rahs in the reg offices around the scientology world.

Of course, this event was held at the same old Shrine Auditorium it always is. And after decades of unprecedented expansion they still cannot fill it. In the world of hype, that which is NOT hyped stands out in stark relief. They put it this way: “Thousands commemorate twelve months of inspiring achievements in a gala New Year’s celebration at the legendary Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles…” Rest assured if the place was even CLOSE to full, they would have been crowing about “standing room only” and “packed to the rafters.” Remember, in 1993– more than 20 YEARS ago — the IAS event was held in the LA Sports Arena with 10,000 in attendance. The number of attendees at Miscavige extravaganzas has shrunk every year since then. I happened to drive past the Ft Harrison as people were arriving for the New Year’s event at Flag. There were a few cars in front, but no crowds coming in the front door or walking from the parking lot. The 12,000+ (according to scientology) local scientologists don’t even warrant the 2300 seat Ruth Eckerd Hall. They fit everyone into the Flag auditorium that holds about 1100 people and the vast majority of those are staff (there must be nearly 200 regges at Flag). Miscavige cannot draw 5000 to the only live event he performs in Los Angeles each year. And this is the largest concentration of scientologists on earth…

Now, to the “epic” accomplishments that he presented.

Dear Leader’s “vibrant synopsis of an epic 2015” broke down like this:

Recounting the “historic” announcement of a new “Golden Age of OT”. He then proclaimed that as a result people “are advancing up each succeeding step at five times earlier numbers.” It’s just a blatant lie. Flag has stopped putting out their stats each week — which means they are going down from the miserable ranges where they were. This is just ridiculous.

He then covered the “breathtaking” number of “new facilities opening their doors to the world in 2015”:

Ideal Orgs in Basel, Bogota, Tokyo and Milano (in earlier years there were up to 10 “new” ideal orgs in a given year) — this is unimpressive by ANY measure.

He also covered “The Fountain” and “Golden Crest” so-called “religious retreats” and the “ideal” CLO UK and CLO EU.

Plus the big news of the “Continental” Narconons in Denmark, England, Mexico and Ojai. Meanwhile, Narconon is imploding around the world.

And even dragged out the totally failed “model facilities” that comprise the Potemkin Village along N. Ft Harrison in Clearwater (not once have I ever seen anyone other than a receptionist in any of those places and I have driven by them dozens of times since their opening). Seriously? This is “expansion” news? Storefronts for CCHR, IHELP, APS etc? If these things served any purpose then Clearwater would be the showcase of the application of the “4th dynamic tech” on a large-scale. There is a greater concentration of these entities in Clearwater by square footage than anywhere in the world. But of course, like everywhere else, there is NO evidence of results just ribbon cuttings.

Because traditionally the New Years Event covers “all sectors,” he had to come up with something about ABLE, WISE and SMI/IHELP and boy were they lame.

He announced that in the ABLE sector The Way to Happiness spearheaded “a zero percent recidivism rate among program graduates” in Denver (?) “Rampant illiteracy in the Czech Republic was turned completely around by L. Ron Hubbard’s acclaimed Study Technology.” And Narconon Suncoast opened its doors (no results of anything, just another ribbon yanking).

WISE really hit big time with ridiculous stories of “the world’s foremost banjo manufacturer’s elevation of the instrument beyond its Southern roots to universal popularity,” “a motion-control pacesetter that revolutionized motion picture cinematography” and a “Japanese consulting company that applied the technology to help 650 new businesses succeed in a market where startups traditionally fail.”

But the best was left for IHELP. The word salad was magnificent “a majestic picture of the expansive scope of Scientology in uplifting human beings across every strata of society” but the specificis were decidely missing: “Purification Rundown delivery in a dozen cities to reverse the disastrous effects of radiation and pollution across the Siberian steppes” “tackling social decay in the streets of Guatemala City” and opening of the first “ideal” Mission of Spain in Valencia, “blazing a trail to freedom for the people of that city.” By now there should be at least 5000 functioning Missions around the world. In fact, the number keeps shrinking. Miscavige promised “ideal” orgs would generate new field groups and missions — if every “ideal” org had just opened 10 of them it would have more than doubled the size of the Mission Network.

Missing in Action – and totally missing from the hypefest: still no opening of SuMP. Not a single new org. Silicon Valley and Valley ideal orgs still not done. No externally verifiable accomplishment of anything. No OT IX and X.

The only thing that was without doubt straight up and vertical this year — inches and minutes of entheta media….