And that's not all as we read about pond-jumping poachers and roadside daredevils who create job security for law enforcement

The list of dumb wildlife outlaws keeps on growing longer. It almost seems that some of these yahoos actually go out of their way to attract the attention of the law.

Their actions are so stupid, at least to most of us, that it actually appears they are mentally deficient with respect to what is right and wrong. Yeah, they are goonies for sure.

For instance, take the three “hunters” who wanted to poach a deer for an impromptu midnight barbecue. So after downing at least a six-pack of beer each, they grabbed their trusty deer rifle and a spotlight and hopped into the ringleader’s brand new Chevrolet Suburban. And then they headed for their local state park.

Once inside the park they began their night-lighting activities by shining the spotlight over the lawn of the administration building. Apparently they did not notice the lights shining inside the office area or the two uniformed game wardens writing reports who were plainly visible there.

But they did notice a herd of six deer grazing on the mowed grass. And, surprisingly (after all that beer), their aim was good, because they managed to shoot one of those deer.

The poachers drove down the park road and turned around while the two officers ran outside to begin their pursuit. But no pursuit was needed because these three goonie birds were rushing back to the scene of their crime. They jumped the curb, drove across the yard with spinning tires, and roared up to dead deer. The two officers were standing in plain view not 10 yards away, but the poachers never even glanced their way.

The three hunters rushed to the deer, and the two officers strolled over, too. One of the officers asked the trio if they needed any help and the driver, without looking up, declined their offer but invited them to the barbecue if they would bring some more beer.

The two officers declined this offer, and promptly arrested all three drunks. Each one paid over $1,300 in fines, and the driver paid an additional $1,200 for various traffic offenses.

As dumb as these three idiots might appear, here is a true story (from another federal game agent and trusted friend) of two totally sober duck hunters that beat them hands down.

It seems a rookie California state game warden had been trying to corner two late hunters who routinely hunted a sewage treatment pond. They would continue to hunt until 10 p.m. or until a game warden approached their location. Then, they would totally disappear, and no amount of searching could turn up their location.

So this game warden enlisted the aid of a veteran comrade with two decades of experience, and together they quietly approached the outlaws position from opposite directions.

But when they were less than 50 yards away on either side, the shooting stopped and the two hunters simply disappeared. The officers searched everywhere around that stinking (literally) pond, but without success.

So the two officers decided to conduct an inch-by-inch search of the entire area. And as the rookie was searching near the shore, he notice a round object “floating” on the surface of the human waste treatment pond under some shoreline bushes. He studied the object carefully, and finally realized he was looking at a human head with its eyes shut very tightly. So he picked up a convenient stick, poked the head, and ordered it out of the water.

The young hunter climbed out of the pond and stood there, dripping sludge and smelling like something most of us would flush down a toilet. The veteran game warden, taking his queue from the rookie, searched the shoreline and found the second hunter hidden under some other bushes. He was also chin deep in s___. And he, too, was ordered out of the sludge.

Both of these poachers had to go back into the waste-water pond to retrieve their shotguns. Then the wardens, with their outlaws in the bed of their state pick-up truck, drove directly to the local fire department where the two poachers, their guns, and the pick-up truck bed, were all liberally hosed off. Only after all of this were the two issued tickets for their violations.

Picture this scene. A line of houses spaced around a hundred feet apart, a fresh coating of two inches of powder snow, a single rifle shot, and two quick phone calls from the neighbors on either side to the local conservation officer.

Of course he responded to the scene of this crime immediately, meeting a fellow officer and his K-9 partner along the way.

After interviewing both complainants and getting a pretty good idea that the shot came from the single house in between their two houses, the officers approached the suspect’s house.

It was decided that, while the single officer would enter the residence and question the occupants, the K-9 officer would look around.

“Looking around” took less than a minute. The K-9 dog “Bullet” literally pulled his handler to a garden shed next to the house. The officer immediately noticed drag marks and fresh blood on the fresh snow.

He then went around and entered the front door of the residence. And the primary suspect in the house, on seeing the dog, proclaimed “He found it already?”

When advised that he had, the poacher cooperated completely with a confession and consent to search the garden shed where the illegal doe was hidden.

Dumb wildlife crooks are everywhere, including our part of the state.

One hunter dressed from head to toe in hunter orange was observed walking along a country road in Phelps. The officers, who were approaching from directly behind the individual and in plain view in a marked NYS cruiser, watched incredulously as he fired three shots from the highway at a doe deer running nearby. He missed the deer, but got two tickets anyway for shooting from a highway and attempting to take a doe without a permit.

Folks, I simply cannot make this stuff up. There are numerous people among us that will literally do just about anything to poach a deer, or catch illegal fish, or just kill wildlife for the thrill of seeing it die. They are not hunters by any stretch of the imagination.

They are thieves, poachers and scum that do not give a whit about the game laws or what other people might think. And NYS ECOs are more than willing to work countless hours and do anything that is lawful to catch them and bring them before the bar of justice.

“Nuff” said.

Len Lisenbee is the Daily Messenger’s Outdoor Columnist. Contact him at lisenbee@frontiernet.net