No “Japanese jailbait holo gitls” for you, incels, unless you speak their language

By David Futrelle

Several years ago, I wrote about a holographic “virtual companion” that seemed designed to fulfill the romantic fetishes of every anime-obsessed incel. “Azuma,” as she was known, was basically a tiny, chatty waifu encased in a jar she could never escape from — seemingly a Black Mirror episode waiting to happen.

Unfortunately, at least for Western weebs, the tiny kidnapped princess only spoke Japanese.

Now, the company behind Azuma has announced an English language version of the device is on the way. But it’s not going to look much like the original. The holographic image has been replaced by a 2D version on a tablet. And the tiny waifu herself has been swapped out for more “realistic”-looking characters, including a gym bro and a stern-looking adult woman. The makers hope to sell the device not to lonely men with anime fetishes but to companies looking for “virtual concierges” and greeters to help customers check in on cruise ships and at gyms.

The world’s creepiest dudes are, not surprisingly, outraged by this development. Billy D., the histrionic cultural critic who runs the One Angry Gamer site, shouts his disappointment to the heavens, lamenting that the new version of the device has replaced a perfectly good “anime waifu” with

a bossy looking feminist in a purple pantsuit, and a douche bag personal training assistant who looks like he injected steroids into his jowls. …

[T]here’s zero sex appeal or attractive qualities to the Westernized models they are using … Instead of being comforting and welcoming, they have a cold, stand-offish design for the female, making her appear like a typical Left-wing feminist that no one wants to talk to; follows Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez on social media; and spends all of her free time with her cats while complaining about President Donald Trump on Twitter. She’s also probably a lesbian.

In short, the design for the female assistant in the Western version of Gatebox is nothing short of a cancer-inducing wench.

I don’t know; she sounds kind of cool to me.

On the Incels.co forums, meanwhile, the regulars are if anything even angrier.

“Why can’t they realize we want to escape reality with cute anime grills and not std-ridden sjw banshees?” asked one commenter. “Why do companies bend the knees to shrill, shrieking feminists on Twitter?”

Another replied:

Whoever made this decision should commit sewerside in roblox JFL THE BITCH LOOKS LIKE ANITA SARKEESEAN

Well, vaguely, I guess.

“Women shouldn’t wear pants,” still another commenter added.

But one incel shared his idea for a possible workaround: Just learn Japanese!

“Jesus fucking christ,” he wrote.

I’m learning Japanese and Kanji right now just to play porn games and because I dont have a life, but I guess another good reason for it is so I can import Japanese [jailbait] holo girls instead of getting ugly feminist western bitch versions.

Lovely.

If you want to see what non-Japanese-speaking incels will be missing, here’s the creepy, cringey promo for the Japanese model.

And if you want to see what the Westernized version of the device will look like, check out this report from Endgadget.

Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.

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