Patrick Fleming remembers pulling into the driveway of his Richmond Hill home, expecting to feel relief that the first-degree murder trial of Jennifer Pan was over.

But relief was the last thing he felt.

“This experience made me feel alone,” he said. “I felt isolated although I was surrounded by my loved ones. I pulled away from my wife, my family, and my friends during and after this trial.”

Fleming was the jury foreman during the 10-month trial that stretched from February to December 2014.

The trial involved Jennifer Pan, a Markham woman accused in the first-degree murder of her mother and attempted murder of her father.

“I lived with daily thoughts of this crime,” Fleming said. “Graphic coroner photos of bullet holes through flesh, the bloody crime scenes and the chilling testimonies.”

The court decided some blood found at the scene was inadmissible because it was found after police grabbed a body bag and dragged it downstairs, Fleming said.

He had trouble getting this image out of his head.

Fleming, a 40-year-resident of Richmond Hill, also lives with the memory of one particularly intense day in Newmarket court.

“I can still hear myself reading the guilty verdict to all of the accused,” Fleming said. “I can still hear the screams of the family and friends of the accused as I read their verdicts in a packed courtroom.”

During the trial, Fleming was sequestered for four days.

During that time, his father-in-law was admitted to hospital and Fleming felt he couldn’t support his wife when she needed him.

His experience motivated him to embark on a path of advocacy, joining the likes of ex-jurors like Mark Farrant to ensure that other Canadians do not endure the same suffering they did.

Farrant was the jury foreman in the first-degree murder trial of Farshad Badakhshan, 31.

In April 2014, Badakhshan was found guilty of second-degree murder in the death of his girlfriend.

Farrant is suing the Ontario and federal governments for $100,000 in compensation, saying he suffered from ongoing mental health problems as a result of this trial.

Fleming helped organize the “12 angry letters” campaign while Farrant spearheaded it. The 12 letters were written by ex-jurors who had experienced disturbing trials and suffered ill health as a result.

The letters asked the federal justice minister and prime minister to address the issue of juror reform.

“We need assistance getting back to our normal lives,” Fleming said. “We are civilians who did not choose this path for ourselves nor are we trained to deal with this type of situation.”

A report on jury reform is expected to be released this month outlining the types of support needed for jurors. Recommended support mentioned in this justice committee study could include pamphlets, daycare and a juror debriefing.

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Fleming and Farrant want reform so that what a person is chosen for a jury, they learn what to expect from the trial and understand what they will receive in terms of mental health support.

While police and court officers have access to mental health benefits and services to access help, jurors don’t have this, Farrant said.

Fleming and Farrant want the federal government to standardize a jury-support program nationwide.

“It’s a patchwork across the country,” Farrant said.

They also want jurors to receive higher wages, daycare, a greater understanding of what is expected from jurors and more guidance on how to conduct yourself during a trial.

Government officials from Australia have contacted Farrant. They are interested in his advocacy since they share a similar justice system, practices and lack of support.

Fast forward Fleming and Farrant’s two trips to Ottawa and many high profile media interviews later and the two men believe they have succeeded in getting the issue of juror reform on the radar of the Justice Department who allocated resources to study the issue.

As for Fleming, despite all he has been through, if he could do it all again, he would serve as a juror once again.

“It’s a good learning experience,” he said. “You see the process, it’s quite interesting. It’s good to see the background of how it (court) operates. I believe in our justice system. All Canadians should do their civic duty.”

Farrant is hopeful the imminent report will drive real change.

“We’re hoping the report will not be academic, will be meaningful, not another report collecting dust at the House of Commons library.”

As for Fleming, he has been a great advocate for change, according to Farrant.

“He’s a really honest guy, a really solid person, has a lot of empathy and a will to make a difference. He’s really selfless. He wants to ensure what happened to us doesn’t happen to anybody else.”