cricket

Updated: Jan 19, 2020 20:27 IST

Former Indian cricket team fast bowler Praveen Kumar opened up about fame and depression in a recent interview and the Uttar Pradesh cricketer revealed that at one point, we decided to take his own life. Kumar, played 68 ODIs, 6 Tests, 10 T20Is for India, said in the interview that he wanted to commit suicide with his revolver in a highway to Haridwar but he decided to not go ahead with it after seeing a photograph of his children inside the car.

“I told myself, ‘Kya hai yeh sab? Bas khatam karte hain (What’s all this? Let me just end it)’,” Kumar told The Indian Express. “I realised I can’t do this to my phool-jaise bachche (innocent children), put them through this hell. I turned back,” he added.

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Praveen Kumar has played for multiple franchises in the Indian Premier League (IPL) but he has battling depression and he lamented the fact that mental health issues are not addressed well in India

“India mein depression concept hee kahan hota hai (Who understands depression in India)? Nobody knows about it and in Meerut, certainly not. I had no one to talk to, felt almost constant chid-chidapan (irritation). As a fast bowler, I had to do a lot of thinking (to out-smart batsmen). I told the counsellor I was unable to switch off thoughts,” Kumar explained.

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“I had been bowling so well. In England, everybody praised me. I was dreaming about a Test career. Suddenly, gaya sab kuchch (it was all gone). I got the feeling everybody thought PK was retired, not free. Does no one know the Uttar Pradesh Ranji team doesn’t have a bowling coach? I should be with the team and not be sitting here in Meerut,” Kumar said.

“I used to fear myself a few months ago, apne aap sey darr tha. That’s what bad time does. If someone didn’t answer my call, I would feel terrible, neglected. It killed me inside. Thankfully, that dark phase is behind me. Koi nahin, PK phir waapis aayega (Don’t worry, PK will come back),” Kumar said.