MOSCOW–prominent Russian opposition leader Boris Nemtsov was murderer earlier today in Moscow, only a few hundred yards from the Kremlin. Hours later, Russian President Vladimir Putin promised to identify the killers, “even if it means going through all my old emails to do so.”

“I promise to find the real killers, no matter what it takes,” Putin vowed. “I’ve already been through all my credit-card statements, and it isn’t on there, but now I’m going to go through all the pockets of all my pants.”

Nemtsov, a one-time rising star in Russian politics in the 1990s, was by far the most prominent dissident to be murdered so far this week.

The Russian police said they were “very close” to making an arrest, noting that the murder was probably committed by “someone who was in Moscow yesterday or today.” Combined with the observation that it was unlikely to have been committed by a young child or an invalid, the police reported that they were narrowing in on a few million suspects.

The Kremlin offered the suggestion that Nemtsov might have been killed for reasons unrelated to his role in opposition politics. “For example,” said Putin, “I understand he was way behind on his cable bill.”

I can’t hear you, because this gun keeps making loud shooting noises.