Better school support promised for transgender child, parents say An Arden couple had a three hour meeting Thursday with school administrators and advocates over their transgender kindergartner.

Beth Walton | The Citizen-Times

Show Caption Hide Caption Arden parents talk raising their transgender daughter Arden residents Amy and Kevin talk about their experience raising their transgender daughter, Emma, and her experience in kindergarten.

Editor's note: The Citizen-Times has chosen not to reveal the family's last name to protect their child's privacy.

ASHEVILLE - The parents of a transgender kindergartner at Glen Arden Elementary said they have a renewed but reserved sense of hope after a three-hour meeting with school administrators and advocates.

They say the school agreed to put a written policy in place to ensure support for their daughter, Emma, by July 1. Once a document is prepared, the parents said school staff who regularly interact with their daughter will sign in agreement.

"We're holding our breath," said Amy, the girl's mother. "We asked that they let us know if ever Emma is in danger or they have any calls of a threatening nature come in," she said.

"We asked to have the girls' bathrooms open for Emma to use when she needs."

Stacia Harris, director of communications for Buncombe County Schools, declined to comment, saying federal law prevents school system officials from talking about specific cases involving students.

Amy and her husband, Kevin, went public last month with their struggles to find support for their daughter. A Citizen-Times article in May chronicled the challenges they faced as their daughter transitioned and entered school.

They said in the front-page story their 6-year-old had to switch classrooms just months into the school year because her first kindergarten teacher refused to use her female name or the "she" and "her" pronouns.

The child was enrolled in school as a boy named Colton, the name listed on her birth certificate. Yet, Amy and Kevin said they notified the school during the first weeks of the year that their daughter was transgender.

School officials during the meeting Thursday seemed more positive than they had been in other meetings, Amy said.

"It sounded like they were going to follow through with it, it really did, but I can't say for sure," she said.

"(Emma) has had such a rough year. I want that paper in my hand."

Emma's parents said their daughter twice had to walk through the school's halls with urine-soaked clothes because she was confused about which bathrooms she was allowed to use. In one case she was told to "hold it" because there was no unlocked, single-stall bathroom nearby, they say.

Meet Emma, a 6-year-old transgender girl See one transgender kindergartener’s journey through six years of life.

Buncombe County's school board doesn't have a policy specifically protecting transgender students or clarifying what bathrooms they can use. There are policies protecting students against discrimination, sexual harassment, violence and bullying.

Buncombe County Schools strives to support and accommodate its transgender students by recognizing that each person is their own individual with unique needs, David Thompson, student services director for the district, said last month.

“We look at everything on a case-by-case basis," he said. "It's always about safety, safety of the student and knowing our population."

LGBT advocates argue that not having a comprehensive policy puts transgender students like Emma at risk. There is no minimum standard of support and too much decision-making is left to individual principals and their personal beliefs, they say.

"(The district) needs training and a policy so parents can make the best decision for their kids," Amy said.

"After much hindsight, I'm realizing that the one thing that would have ended all of this at the beginning of the year would have been a policy. There is no set policy. Every school needs a policy so (parents) know what to expect." To create open and accepting school environments, parents, students, school staff and administrators need to be thinking about how to support transgender students from kindergarten through high school, said Ashley Parks, whose daughter is in fourth grade at Glen Arden. "I can understand why (Emma's) family might not want to continue there, but I just think it's a chance for us to help change things," she said. After the Citizen-Times' published Emma's story, Park's daughter, Anna, told her mother she wanted to do something to help. The child is the co-student body president. Anna Parks created a poster petition and asked other girls in the fourth grade to accept their younger classmate as she is and ensure her access to any bathroom she wants. "Transgender is OK!" reads the sign that has a photograph of Emma glued on it. There are colored hearts and rainbow stripes. "She is only a kindergartner!" it says. Ashley Parks said she encouraged her daughter to take a stand, but warned her advocacy is a long, hard road. School officials took the girl's sign within hours of her bringing it to school, citing privacy concerns, the mother said. Anna estimates she had gathered 10-15 signatures before her campaign ended. The fourth-grader did not get in trouble for her protest, said Ashley Parks. School staff told her there were other ways to support Emma, like walking with her in the hall and sitting with her during lunch. They told Anna they were proud of her for wanting to be a friend, she said. There has been an outpouring of love and compassion for Emma since the family decided to go public with their daughter's story, her mother said.

A toy store gave Emma fairy wings, inspired by a published photograph. Parents of other transgender children have reached out to share their stories, Amy said.

One woman made the 6-year-old a panda bear blanket. "It was really a sweet thing," her mother said. "It's like a comfort to (Emma) now."

Another mom at the school offered to make the kids pins to show their solidarity. The woman has set up a Facebook group to bring supporters together and share news.

Churches with LGBT-friendly congregations have invited the family to their Sunday services, Amy said.

An official from a nearby private school wrote saying they would consider adding Emma to their rosters.

Lawyers have offered their advice and advocacy groups, like Tranzmission and the Campaign for Southern Equality, their support.

One couple offered to collect donations in lieu of gifts at their 20th-anniversary party.

"I just can't believe all these amazing people being so kind," Amy said.

"You fell like nobody is really on your side and to get this outpouring of positivity and support is amazing. It's a weight lifted off."