Thank god Pepos' internet got shut off so he doesn't have to see this abomination.

Earlier this week, Jake the Terrible Cubs Fan requested that someone in the TMS crew eat an Arby's Gyro. Never one to back down from an "eat this weird thing" food challenge (seriously Ben, Iget to your pizza request), I stepped up to the plate. I thought I was prepared for this, but I forgot it was Arby's. Those sons of bitches always have a SHOCKING TWIST up their sleeve.I figure the easiest way to do this is to do this is to take their own description of the gyro and just go through point by point:Way to set the bar high Arby's. It's like I'm already in Athens, only with less fascism, smog, and crippling unemployment. Before I begin though, I feel obligated to let you know there was a guy with a Make America Great Again hat eating there...because of course there was. Let's go!I do consider myself an adventurous eater in that I'll try pretty much any food I find at least once, but this is a god damn Arby's. There's only one of them in every shitty town on the interstate in this country. That doesn't require a lot of adventure. As far as being interesting, well probably at one point maybe I was but I'm in my mid thirties now and just marching towards my inevitable doom like the rest of you slobs. To prove it, I just had lunch at Arby's.Well yes. This certainly is Arby's thinly sliced roast beef on a gyro. If you're one of those "no red meat" people (eyeroll), they have a turkey option for you! AUTHENTICITY Shredded iceberg lettuce to entice Bud Norris , raw red onions because those are always a hit, and the same never quite ripe slices of tomatoes you've come to expect from a fast food sandwich.Alright. Let's linger here for a minute. Like with any food, there are varying degrees of quality to tzatziki sauce. Some are well seasoned and perfectly compliment the sandwich, while others taste like someone put mayo and cucumber in a blender. This is neither. It exists somewhere on its own plane. There isn't much of it on the sandwich, which is for the best because it's runny like my poop is sure to be after this digests and tastes like they may have just watered down some ranch dressing they had on hand.Authentic Greek seasonings = a light dusting of some parsley and salt mixture....I think we can all agree hugged is a weird verb choice there. We've all experienced one and I don't think any of us thought of pita bread. As far as the quality of the pita, this particular Arby's used to be a Taco Bell and the pita bread may just be leftover gordita bread they found when they moved in.How does it all come together? Strangely. The "tzatziki" and pita bread combine to somehow make the sandwich taste like it has cheese on it even though there isn't any. So imagine how unpleasant and weird a gyro with cheese might taste and then remember there is no actual cheese on it. The roast beef as gyro meat was just lumped on there in the same half-assed way they lump it on their regular sandwiches and every bit as unsatisfying. By the end, I was contemplating dousing the thing in Arby's Sauce so I could get to the end, but I powered through. I don't ever want to eat this thing again and I will curse Jake the Terrible Cubs Fan for the rest of my life.