Don't Bring Her To The Gym

Why Your Girlfriend Should Be Banished From Your Gym

Page 2 of 2

She Won’t Listen to You Anyway

Say you do take her to the gym and decide to train her — you're going to have to give her instructions.

Let me ask you something: Does your woman like it when you instruct her on how to do something?

I thought so.

It’s a fight waiting to happen. She won’t respect your authority to train her because she’s not actually paying you to do it. Training your girl on how to lift weights is an emotionally tricky thing with not much upside.

The best way for your girl to get the training she needs is from a certified personal trainer, preferably one that has a degree in kinesiology and a high-level certification (and not just a weekend certification). If this trainer is male, it also helps if he’s ugly. Better yet, she should have a female trainer.

You’ll See Her at Her Worst

Sure, lots of women show up to the gym looking great, but if they’re not some hoop-earring-clad girl just doing the 15-minute-elliptical-yoga-mat-prance-and-stretch combo and instead are actually working hard, then things could get ugly.

And possibly smelly.

Seriously, do you really want to see her pit stains and smell her B.O.?

‘Nuff said.

6. You Need Guy Time

I talked about the gym being my church, and I meant it.

Admittedly, some of these points don’t apply to me. My wife and I’ve been together over two decades, and I’m allowed to look at other women, and she doesn’t care how she compares to them because she owns every room she walks into. As for the disheveled look after a hard workout, I’ve watched her give birth. Twice.

That stuff about her not listening to me is totally applicable to my relationship, though, and so is this gem of advice:

The place is my home away from home. I live with my wife and kids, and they’re awesome and I love them, but sometimes I just need to get the hell away from everybody. The gym is where family doesn’t intrude, and vice versa. It’s my separate oasis where I go to recharge.

I have a wife who I love with all my heart. But the gym is my mistress, and I love her, too.

And never the twain shall meet.

Fortunately for me, my wife doesn’t just lounge around. She’s got an internationally-recognized black belt in karate, and could quite likely kick my ass.

I hope she doesn’t read this article.

