Husband: I just don’t know which one to get.

Wife: This is the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make.

Husband: On the one hand, nothing says America like a bald eagle on the flag.

Wife: A bald eagle that is attacking a motorcycle.

Husband: A goddamn American motorcycle.

They both spit.

Wife: On the other hand, how bad ass is that Confederate flag?

Husband: I’m getting a hard on just looking at it.

Wife: The talons on the eagle are making me horny.

Husband: I just love how “Redneck” is written across the Confederate flag. It let’s you know exactly whose flying it.

Wife: Good point. I wouldn’t want to fly a Confederate flag and not have people know I’m a redneck.

Husband: That’s why I love you. We both value what’s important.

Wife: Racism.

Husband: And hating the gays.

The both spit again.

Wife: I guess the question is are we Confederate rednecks or American bad asses?

Husband: It’s like trying to decide between tits and ass.

The wife sticks her ass out and pushes her chest up.

Wife: Why not both?

Husband: Get in the truck and turn on Steely Dan. I’m taking you to fuck town.