1. "Suicide is Painless" - M*A*S*H*

You know them and love them (or maybe you hate them) - those T.V. theme songs that are so catchy they get in your head for days and refuse to leave. But how did they come to be in the first place? Here are the stories behind 10 of the most famous T.V. theme songs of all time. I could do 10 more pretty easily - if I missed your favorite, leave it in the comments and I'll try to include it next time.

The

song was written by Robert Altman's son, Mike Altman, when he was only 14

years old. The tune was written by Johnny Mandel, a musician who worked

with Count Basie, Frank Sinatra and Peggy Lee (among others). Mandel sings

the song as well. When Altman wrote the lyrics, he told producer Ingo Preminger

that he just wanted a guitar in return, but Preminger insisted that he be

paid the regular way and set up a contract that would give Altman royalties.

He ended up making more than a million dollars, at least according to his

dad, who directed the movie. Incidentally, Robert only received $75,000

for directing it.

2. "Those Were The Days" - All in the Family

According

to series producer Norman Lear, the reason Carroll O'Connor and Jean Stapleton

sang the theme song themselves was simply to save costs. Although it was

the same thing at the beginning of every episode, there were a few different

versions. In one, Archie hugs Edith at the end. In another, Edith smiles

at Archie and he returns the look with one of irritation. And we shouldn't

be surprised that the lyrics and music were so memorable: songwriting

duo Charles Strouse and Lee Adams were very good at their jobs, having

already won a couple of Tony Awards (Bye Bye Birdie and Applause).

Another interesting tidbit: after the theme song aired for the first few

times, viewers wrote in and complained that they couldn't understand what

the actors were supposed to be saying, especially the line "Gee our old

LaSalle ran great." If you've ever wondered why that line is so clearly

enunciated in the theme song, that's why - Jean Stapleton recorded her

part again and made sure to speak ridiculously clearly during those words.

3. "The Addams Family Theme" - The Addams Family

Composer

Vic Mizzy wrote the theme song, which is pretty well known, but what isn't

as commonly known is that he wrote the theme song for another very popular

sitcom from the same era. "The Munsters?" you might be wondering.

Nope - the other theme song is a true testament to Mizzy's versatility

- it was Green Acres. Mizzy also contributed parts to the Mr.

Ed and Petticoat Junction theme songs. He still receives

royalties every time The Addams Family theme is played, even

when it's on an organ at a baseball game. (Photo from VicMizzy.com)

4. "The Ballad of Jed Clampett" - The Beverly Hillbillies

This

tune joins the elite group of T.V. theme songs that were so popular they

actually ended up on the mainstream music charts. The song was written

and composed by Paul Henning, who was also the series' creator. The man

who sang the song, Jerry Scoggins, was a stockbroker trying to break into

the music business when he landed "The Ballad of Jed Clampett." This luck

break paired him with the legendary Foggy Mountain Boys, who played the

music that backed him. The Foggy Mountain Boys, Lester Flatt and Earl

Scruggs, were already well established in the country and bluegrass world

and had been members of the Grand Ole Opry for years... which probably

helped the theme song reach #44 on the charts in 1962.

5. "The Ballad of Gilligan's Isle" - Gilligan's Island

What

ended up being one of the most recognizable theme songs of all time started

out as a very amateur recording done in a noisy house. Sherwood Schwartz,

the show's creator, couldn't afford to rent a recording studio to get

the theme down, so he called in a favor from a friend with the necessary

equipment. The only day they could all do it in time for the pilot was

a day that his friends were preparing for a big charity event at their

house, so the song had to be recorded when waiters weren't clattering

silverware and plates and serving trays around. It took forever to adjust

the levels just right; they finally got a usable take just as guests were

arriving for the event. It's not exactly the one we know today - Sherwood

had injected a sort of calypso solo that didn't make the cut - but it's

the general theme. And for the first season, the portion of the lyrics

that served as a roll call completely neglected poor Mary Ann and the

professor, saying, "The movie star and the rest, here on Gilligan's Isle!"

Schwartz said he never had an inkling that the professor and Mary Ann

would become such popular characters and therefore didn't think to name

them in the theme song. Although this changed by the second season, Dawn

Wells and Russell Johnson liked to send each other birthday cards and

presents with the signature "The Rest" as a nod to the first theme song.

6. "Happy Days" - Happy Days



For the first two seasons of the show, the theme song was simply an oldie

but goodie - Bill Haley and the Comets' "Rock Around the Clock." And it

served the purpose just fine - it was so popular, in fact, that the song

recharted after nearly 20 years. After season two, though, they decided

to use an original song instead of Bill Haley's, and fans were already

familiar with it since it was being used as the closing theme music. "Happy

Days" got bumped up from the end of the show to the front, and the song

has been stuck in our heads ever since. It was written by Charles Fox

and Norman Gimbel, who gave us the lyrics and music to a ton of other

memorable theme songs: Laverne and Shirley, Lifestyles of the Rich

and Famous, Wonder Woman and the score for H.R. Pufnstuf.

"Happy Days" was performed by a roster of studio musicians, including

some of the same guys who sang The Partridge Family theme song.

As popular as the Happy Days theme song was, they decided to

record a new version of it for the show's final season. It didn't go over

as well, and I can see why... check it out for yourself:

7. "Where Everybody Knows Your Name" - Cheers

The

famous theme song was nearly just a recycled song from a Broadway musical

called Preppies. The producers of Cheers heard it and

thought it would be perfect for their new show if the lyrics were just changed

up a little. Gary Portnoy and Judy Hart Angelo, the songwriters, were understandably

thrilled - but the producers of Preppies weren't. They refused

to give up rights to the song. Portnoy and Angelo were devastated, but the

producers of Cheers told them not to worry - they should just take

a shot at writing something totally new. The first version, a pretty blatant

rip-off of their first song, was quickly rejected. After reading a script,

the duo took a third shot, which was closer - the producers loved some of

the lyrics - but still no cigar. Version #3 was rejected. Portnoy and Hart

were getting a little dejected and concerned that they were going to get

fired any second, and to make matters worse, Gary and his girlfriend had

just broken up. This set the mood for version #4, a melancholy little tune

about the Red Sox losing, being too poor to pay the electric bill and needy

girlfriends who wanted to get married. They almost decided it was too depressing

for a sitcom, when they came up with the line "Sometimes you wanna go where

everybody knows your name," and the whole song turned from depressing to

hopeful. The folks at Cheers loved it, but changed the opening

lines from "Singing the blues when the Red Sox lose, it's a crisis in your

life," to the now-famous, "Making your way in the world today takes everything

you've got." The rest is history.

8. "Jeannie" - I Dream of Jeannie

There were three theme

songs composed for the show about a blonde genie and her Master - the first

season featured an instrumental waltz over the opening credits. And no less

than Carole King wrote a theme song for the series, but Sidney Sheldon rejected

it. The winning song that we know as the I Dream of Jeannie theme

song today was composed by Hugo Montenegro. And, believe it or not, there

were lyrics to the song. Written by Buddy Kaye, this gem was never used

for the show:



Jeannie, fresh as a daisy. Just love how she obeys me, Does things that just amaze me so. She smiles, Presto the rain goes. She blinks, up come the rainbows. Cars stop, even the train goes slow. When she goes by, she paints sunshine on every rafter, sprinkles the air with laughter, we're close as a quarter after three. There's no one like Jeannie. I'll introduce her to you, but it's no use sir, cause my Jeannie's in love with me.

9. "Thank You For Being a Friend" - Golden Girls

Unbeknownst

to me, this song wasn't original to our four happening grannies. It was

first recorded in 1978 by Andrew Gold, who hit #25 on the Billboard charts

the same year. Cynthia Fee sang it for the show, though.

The song was later reworked a third time for the opening credits to The

Golden Palace. I hate it. But check it out! Don Cheadle!

10. "The Facts of Life" - The Facts of Life

If you didn't already know this, prepared to be floored: Alan Thicke, better known as Jason Seaver to legions of kids who grew up in the late '80s and early '90s, co-wrote "The Facts of Life." He also co-wrote and sang the theme song to Diff'rent Strokes. At the time, Thicke was married to his co-writer Gloria Loring, who sang the "Facts" song you probably remember. There was also an earlier version that featured the cast of the show singing the wise lyrics, but it was only used for the first season.

Previously on Neatorama: Stories Behind Hollywood Studio Logos