A CHILDLESS couple are to spend a long weekend pretending they enjoy the company of their friends’ children.

Nathan and Sarah Muir chose not to have children because they enjoy having money and energy, but are forced to pretend otherwise when they meet up with friends who do.

Sarah Muir said: “Here we go. Which one did I say I thought was really sweet last time? What are their names again?

“It’s alright for you, at least you get to play X-Box though I appreciate you’re not allowed to win. That girl drags me upstairs to talk about ponies every fucking time.”

She added: “Oh God, I forgot about the other one. Last time I had to do art with it. Six bloody weeks later there was still glitter on my face. I looked like I’d had a lapdance.

“Don’t forget, children are brilliant and we definitely get why everyone had them. They’ll probably be dressed as pirates. How fucking cute.”