An international cabal of sexy ladies has set their sights on the world’s richest and most powerful men. There’s only one thing that can stop them: a middle-aged guy who wears his pants hiked up maybe three inches below his nipples.

Typically this would not present a problem for such an advanced organization, but they didn’t count on one thing: this idiot is the star of a sixties movie and they are therefore required to fall in love with him despite the fact that he looks like someone who might have unsuccessfully tried to sell Don Draper flood insurance on Mad Men.

Assisting our hero is Frankie Avalon, who, despite not being Frankie Vallie, still sucks big time. They’ll also encounter Klaus Kinski, who apparently was able to embarass himself in B-movies on the rare occasions he wasn’t shrieking at Werner Herzog. There’s also statue rays, army guys in tiny shorts, and killer nuns because hey: that’s Sumuru’s vision, and she’s the one with the million eyes.

Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for The Million Eyes of Sumuru, and then stick around for the next film in the SCU (Sumuru Cinematic Universe) The Girl from Rio!

Written by: Mike Nelson, Conor Lastowka, Sean Thomason

Contributing Writers: Jason Miller, Zachary Shatzer