The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.

1) Liberals: Conservatives are so paranoid! No one wants to take your guns.

Also liberals: Repeal the 2nd Amendment! No one needs AR-15s! Gun owners are murderers and terrorists!

2) Liberals: College kids need to be protected from hurtful words with safe spaces because they’re so fragile and the poor dears need to be able to stay on their parents’ insurance until 26!

Also liberals: 16 year-olds should be able to vote!

3) Liberals: You can’t criticize Islam! We must be respectful to all religions!

Also liberals: Of course, there’s nothing wrong with using your tax dollars to build a life-size nativity scene made out of pig sh*t!

4) Liberals: We absolutely should not put armed guards in schools to stop shooters! It won’t work! Terrible idea!

Also liberals: There’s a school shooter! Quick, call someone with a gun to save the kids!

5) Liberals: Love trumps hate! When they go low, we go high! Hate has no home here!

Also liberals: You don’t agree with me? BIGOT! RACIST! FASCIST! WHY ARE YOU SO HATEFUL?

6) Liberals: Romney is such an idiot for thinking Russia is our biggest geopolitical threat. Get back in your time machine so you can get back to the Cold War, Grandpa! Ha, hah, ha!

Also liberals: Can we talk about how big a threat Russia is to us? Where are the sanctions? Maybe we should bomb Russia! Why are more people not talking about the danger of Russia?

7) Liberals: We need to do whatever it takes to curb global warming!

Also liberals: Let's all fly overseas in private jets and ride in SUVS to an opulent conference so we can discuss global warming.

8) Liberals: My baby can decide his own gender!

Also liberals: Spanking your child? That’s child abuse!

9) Liberals: We’re a rape culture! Women are under a constant threat of sexual assault from men!

Also liberals: Women should be able to carry guns for protection? That’s insane!

10) Liberals: Diversity is a strength!

Also liberals: No conservatives should be allowed to work for liberal publications, act in Hollywood or teach in schools!

11) Liberals: Donald Trump is another Hitler and the police are racists who are murdering young black men for no reason.

Also liberals: Only the government and police should have guns!

12) Liberals: It’s my body, my choice!

Also liberals: You should be fined by the government if you don’t want to buy health insurance!

13) Liberals: We’re the party of science!

Also liberals: Unborn children aren’t people and you can pick your own gender!

14) Liberals: The death penalty is morally wrong! You can’t do that to another human being, even if he’s a serial killer!

Also liberals: Not even the father of the child has the right to keep a woman from aborting her baby.

15) Liberals: School choice? Vouchers! Those are bad for children! Children should have to go to public schools!

Also (rich) liberals: Of course my kids are going to private school! It’s only the best for my children!

16) Liberals: You don’t want to give more of what you earned to the government? You’re SELFISH!

Also liberals: You want welfare, school lunches and housing you didn’t earn? Don’t be ashamed! There’s nothing wrong with taking it!

17) Liberals: The law is your fist when you're dealing with Nazis! They deserve it!

Also liberals: Everyone who disagrees with me is a Nazi!

18) Liberals: Conservatives are sexists who don’t respect women!

Also liberals: Give me a second; I just called Dana Loesch the c-word on Twitter and I have to like it with all 8 of my fake accounts.

19) Liberals: There is no reason to oppose tearing down Confederate statues other than racism!

Also liberals: The Jefferson Memorial? He was a slave owner; so it should go. William McKinley wasn’t nice enough to the Indians. He has to go! Oh, and let’s destroy Mount Rushmore while we’re at it!

20) Liberals: We need more women in science, technology, engineering and mathematics!

Also liberal women in college: I’m majoring in women’s studies!