PORTLAND, OR—Going out of his way to demonstrate his dedication to the company, McDaniel Software Group employee Gregory Dougenis proved his diligence by arriving at video conference calls an extra hour early every morning, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Man, the morning video call doesn’t start until 9, but Greg is on there at 8 o’clock before everybody else,” said Katrina Yuen, a programmer at the company, explaining how her colleague tries to impress their bosses by getting on camera first thing in the morning, and then staying long after everyone has logged off. “It’s like, some of us have lives, you know? We can’t just be there all day. God, such a kiss-ass prick. He’s clearly gunning for a promotion.” At press time, Dougenis was informed by his bosses that he had been laid off.

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