Are you ready to take this offline and pick some low hanging fruit before the close of play?

No, me neither, but it seems plenty of business professionals are.

According to a research survey which questioned over 2,000 office workers, these -and many others- still remain very much a part of modern business culture, with no less than 64% of businesses throwing the Plain English rulebook right out the window in order to move the goalposts going forward, or something.

The Consequences of Corporate Jargon

As much as I may have poked a little fun at a couple of these phrases, there is a bigger issue here. A 2011 research report carried out by New York University in 2011 revealed that use of such abstract terms and phrases fosters a far greater lack of trust than straight-forward language. On the face of it, this isn’t all that surprising. It’s been said many times before now that some professionals use terms like ‘synergy’ and ‘moving the needle’ as a method of gatekeeping — confusing others so much that they couldn’t possibly interfere or otherwise threaten the Jargon Master’s position among the corporate hierarchy.

That’s not to mention the impact on external communications. In business environments where use of jargon is commonplace, it isn’t unheard of for professionals to spend so much time speaking in tongues that they forget to switch off the jargon button when out in the ‘real world.’ The result? Empty public relations statements that sound fancy but ultimately mean nothing, and high ranking managers who seemingly lose the ability to communicate with the very public that keep their company in profit.

The Worst Offenders

The GoToMeeting research revealed a total of fifty of the most annoying phrases used in the workplace, but before we get to that, let’s take a little lighthearted look at some of the most baffling, shall we? Ready, let’s hit the ground running and get the ball rolling..I mean, let’s go.

“It is what it is”

Yeah, no kidding. What else is it going to be?

Apparently The Department of the Ridiculously Obvious came up with this little gem, perhaps to prevent those poor souls with nothing of any value to contribute from feeling left out of the conversation.

“I don’t have the bandwidth”

When geekspeak and corporate jargon collide, we end up with phrases like this one. Sure it may sound kind of fancy, but let’s be honest, it’s just an unnecessary and incredibly annoying way of saying ‘I’m too busy.’ Still, why keep things simple when you can complicate things and confuse everyone around you? Don’t ask me, I don’t have the bandwidth to figure it out.

“Open the kimono”

Loathe as I may be to admit it, I normally consider myself pretty fluent in jargon, but this one was a new one to me.

Apparently, this one basically means ‘reveal the information,’ a phrase far less likely to cause nightmares of middle-aged businessmen in fancy bathrobes flashing themselves about in meetings.

“Going forward”

Whilst terms like “open the kimono” may be good for a chuckle, “going forward,” only serves as being irritating and redundant. “We’re going to do X going forward,’” can just as easily be expressed as “We’re going to do X.”

“Synergise”

In 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, author Stephen R. Covey defines the term as “The habit of creative cooperation. It is teamwork, open-mindedness, and the adventure of finding new solutions to old problems.”

In other words, working together to solve problems.

Simple enough, right?