During the fifth inning of the 2013 MLB All-Star Game at Citi Field, a fan sprinted onto the field. Because it is 2013, and the person in question is a recent high school graduate, every instant of the decision-making process leading up to interrupting one of America's most beloved sporting events and getting viciously tackled by security can be found on Twitter.

The person in question is named Dylan Masone. His Twitter feed looks a lot like the reason you should be glad Twitter didn't exist when you were in high school, and may or may not include occasional droppings of the N-bomb. Tuesday, he started to make it clear he was going to the All-Star Game. He tweeted a picture of himself in his Robinson Cano jersey -- bad choice at Citi Field, bruh -- and then, made the fateful promise:

As you can see, he got more than the requisite 1,000 retweets. And unlike some people, who ask for 50,000 RTs and then DON'T go on a date with Kate Upton or whoever, Dylan was ready to pounce.

if i get 1000 RTs id really do it — dyl (@MasoneDylan) July 16, 2013

He saw the tweet numbers rising:

holy tuck 380 lmao — dyl (@MasoneDylan) July 17, 2013

(Is there really any need to bring Justin Tuck into this?)

And rising:

yo wtff lmao — dyl (@MasoneDylan) July 17, 2013

And rising:

Holy shit lmao — dyl (@MasoneDylan) July 17, 2013

im so tight rn — dyl (@MasoneDylan) July 17, 2013

lmao this is gonna be terrible — dyl (@MasoneDylan) July 17, 2013

i hate all of you — dyl (@MasoneDylan) July 17, 2013

But before we get to his sprint, let us introduce two more characters to the dramatis personae:

Dylan's concerned mom

Apparently informed by somebody who saw one of the 1,000-plus RT's and did not want her boy to go to prison:

if i actually get on the field pray for me cause my moms gonna kill me — dyl (@MasoneDylan) July 17, 2013

Dylan's girlfriend

Who is just as big a Twitterhound as her soon-to-be-tackled BF:

What is wrong with my boyfriend.... — Haley ❁ (@Haleyjohnsonx) July 17, 2013

Dylan has no guts what's so ever, he wonntt — Haley ❁ (@Haleyjohnsonx) July 17, 2013

Hope you go to jail babe!! @MasoneDylan — Haley ❁ (@Haleyjohnsonx) July 17, 2013

She remained confident that Dylan didn't have the guts:

Dylan won't do this I know him to well... #bitch — Haley ❁ (@Haleyjohnsonx) July 17, 2013

But sweetened the pot:

Ill let you marry me if you do this @MasoneDylan — Haley ❁ (@Haleyjohnsonx) July 17, 2013

And with an angry mom and a swooning girlfriend, our young protagonist got ready to take the stage:

alright.. i guess have no choice.. gonna try to get out by left field — dyl (@MasoneDylan) July 17, 2013

should i really do this? — dyl (@MasoneDylan) July 17, 2013

HIS MOM WAS SERIOUSLY NOT ENTERTAINED:

ma stop yelling at me... pic.twitter.com/a2ly1HFxs7 — dyl (@MasoneDylan) July 17, 2013

"I got 1,000 RT's, ma" has never been successfully used as an excuse.

next inning — dyl (@MasoneDylan) July 17, 2013

im going for 2nd — dyl (@MasoneDylan) July 17, 2013

And that's where Masone's Twitter feed understandably leaves us for the evening, the ultimate cliffhanger.

But thanks to the thousands of photographers at the game, we can chronicle his journey, a tragedy in three parts:

Act 1: The Glory

Photo Credit: USA Today Sports

Act 2: The Fall

Photo credit: The Star-Ledger

Act 3: The End

Photo Credit: USA Today Sports

I think this is the ultimate sign NSA wiretapping does not go far enough. Dude literally said he was going to run onto the field, and it was retweeted over 1,000 times, yet no precog deep in the bowels of Citi Field alerted security to the fact that this was going to happen. Then again, I suppose if the Mets had precogs, Ike Davis would never have started a single game this year.

Although Masone was quickly disposed of and hauled off into Mets Prison, which is actually a fully functioning old-timey sheriff's office with big WANTED posters for Mo Vaughn and Bobby Bonilla's agent, that's not the end of his tale. While Masone won't be heard from until his captors release him, we can watch the blossoming pride of his better half unfolding on Twitter.

I'm gunna shit my pants lol — Haley ❁ (@Haleyjohnsonx) July 17, 2013

True romance, there.

Now we can watch the events unfold in her eyes:

"A fan just ran on the field ' — Haley ❁ (@Haleyjohnsonx) July 17, 2013

ME AND HIM ARE OFFICIALLY OVER lol — Haley ❁ (@Haleyjohnsonx) July 17, 2013

DRAMA!!!!

Jk — Haley ❁ (@Haleyjohnsonx) July 17, 2013

oh lol it was just a jk we're cool lmao

But her pride quickly turns to panic:

But I'm having an anxiety attack — Haley ❁ (@Haleyjohnsonx) July 17, 2013

Did my boyfriend really just get arrested... @MasoneDylan — Haley ❁ (@Haleyjohnsonx) July 17, 2013

On the real though I'm shaking... What's gunna happen — Haley ❁ (@Haleyjohnsonx) July 17, 2013

My poor psychotic baby 😩😩🙈 — Haley ❁ (@Haleyjohnsonx) July 17, 2013

I love you and all @MasoneDylan but why do you have to so this to me — Haley ❁ (@Haleyjohnsonx) July 17, 2013

But at the end of the day, she was swept off her feet by her boyfriend's valiant deeds:

But now I can legitimately say you're the man AND THIS IS THE ONLY TIME IM SAYING IT — Haley ❁ (@Haleyjohnsonx) July 17, 2013

AND you never fail to surprise me!! @MasoneDylan — Haley ❁ (@Haleyjohnsonx) July 17, 2013

My boyfriend is that kid right now..... Lol great! — Haley ❁ (@Haleyjohnsonx) July 17, 2013

And by the fact that he just wasted all his grad party money:

Hmm... GUESS all the $$ you just got from your grad party is going toward your bail!!! — Haley ❁ (@Haleyjohnsonx) July 17, 2013

This is more than the story of an idiot who wanted to run onto a field on national television and get beaten up by strong men with the power and authority to arrest him. Yes, it's also the story of an idiot who wanted to run onto a field on national television and get beaten up by strong men with the power and authority to arrest him, but it's so much more. It's a story about young love, about passion and the will to succeed against all odds. About setting a goal and achieving it, the American dream.

And it's also the story of a kid who blew his grad party cash and who is TOTALLY grounded, because his mom is legitimately super-pissed.

More from SB Nation:

• American League wins, 3-0 | Mo Rivera named MVP

• Mariano Rivera bids farewell to the All-Star Game

• The ballad of the kid who ran on the field at the All-Star Game

• Yoenis Cespedes wins the 2013 Home Run Derby

• Longread: Brooklyn’s field of broken dreams