Q: What’s the perfect amount of sexual partners to confess to if you’re over 30 and decent looking?

A: I0.

The reason I know the answer to that question is because every female I know (barring those who married their childhood sweethearts) answers ‘Ten’ whenever they’re asked by a partner how many people they’ve slept with.

The answer stays the same even when they’re a decade older and had several long-term relationships in the meantime.

This is two more than the national ‘official’ figure.

The average number of sexual partners in the ‘average’ woman’s lifetime is eight, according to Natsal in The Lancet. The average for men is 12 partners.

An average tells us nothing in this instance - researchers lump in Aunt Betty who hasn’t had sex for 50 years with Becky, an 18-year-old, eagerly exploring sex for the first time, average out all the results and then call her the 'average woman'.

Quite apart from how ridiculous that is, I don’t think it’s a question anyone should answer anyway.

The reason why is this: numbers mean nothing without knowing the circumstances.

Reducing your sexual history to a number doesn’t work.

I interviewed three women a few years back for one of the books I was writing.

All were around 30.

The first had slept with 26 men, the second four and the third eight.

No prizes for guessing which girl would be judged the harshest by a partner.

But was she really the most promiscuous?

Here’s some more information:

The girl who’s had 26 lovers, has averaged around two lovers a year since she was 17 and been mainly single.

The girl who’d slept with eight men, put four of those notches in the bedpost during one resort holiday (a weekend actually) while her then-husband stayed home and looked after the kids.

The girl who slept with four had a threesome with two guys she met in a club. Outside, in a nearby alley. She was 18 and a self-proclaimed wild child at the time.

Now what do you think?

People will judge you no matter what answer you give when asked about past lovers and the assumption they make is usually wrong.

Which is why I don’t care who’s doing the asking – whether it’s your partner, mother, best friend or beauty therapist - your answer to how many lovers you’ve had is no answer.

(The only exceptions: your psychotherapist, gynaecologist or the nice people at the GU clinic who are testing you for STIs).

Keep your mouth zipped even if nothing else has been: by putting a number on your sexual history you’re removing the emotion and the circumstances.

And don’t kid yourself: if you do blurt out a figure to your boyfriend, you will be judged – and not necessarily by the same rules he judges himself on.

Even if he’s slept with 300, your three will be two too many.

After all, isn't the definition of a promiscuous person, someone who's slept with more than you have?

For more of Tracey's views on sex and relationships, check out traceycox.com

