Okay. I see it now. I don't think you failed, not entirely. If anything, I think you did a wonderful job at capturing the bleak reality of war. Combine that with your original intent, and you succeeded quite well. The message may have been lost in translation, but it is still there.



One popular method of conveying story is with a vignette - a short story that sheds some light on the scene being depicted. This piece is begging for such a story. It doesn't need to be long, even a single sentence can convey a ton of meaning. Don't be discouraged. Personally, I look foward to seeing this series unfold.