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--> A midday take on what's happening in politics and how to have a sense of humor about it.*

*Ha. Haha. Hahah. Sniff. Haha. Sniff. Ha--breaks down crying hysterically.

The Hill's 12:30 Report: House to vote on $2.2T stimulus after mad dash to Washington | GOP lawmaker's opposition forces House members to race back to Capitol | Lawmakers detail empty airports, flights on return | Tensions erupt on House floor | GOP Rep. Massie defends call for roll call vote | Trump slams Massie as 'third rate grandstander' | Trump demands GM, Ford start making ventilators | Boris Johnson tests positive | Fauci answers questions on 'The Daily Show' | How to have virtual happy hours

HAPPENING ON CAPITOL HILL

It wouldn't be Congress if there wasn't a chaotic mad dash, amirite?:

A number of House members rushed to Washington, D.C., this morning to debate and vote for the Senate-passed $2.2 trillion stimulus plan to ease the economic impact of the coronavirus.

But wasn't the House going to pass the bill by voice vote to avoid members traveling amid fears of travel and crowds?: Yes, but all it took was one member's objection to abandon that plan.

^^ Meet that one House member: Conservative lawmaker Rep. Thomas Massie Thomas Harold MassieGOP lawmaker praises Kyle Rittenhouse's 'restraint' for not emptying magazine during shooting Rep. Dan Meuser tests positive for COVID-19 Liz Cheney wins Wyoming GOP primary in reelection bid MORE (R-Ky.) followed through with his threat to force a roll call vote. https://bit.ly/3bB9ECB

So now: [House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer Steny Hamilton HoyerWhite House opposes House energy bill as Democrats promise climate action This week: Supreme Court fight over Ginsburg's seat upends Congress's agenda House Democrats postpone vote on marijuana decriminalization bill MORE (D-Md.) said "party leaders expect to have enough lawmakers on the floor Friday to form a so-called 'quorum' -- the minimum number of members required to stage a recorded vote. If that's the case, the House can approve the measure on Friday, despite Massie's gambit."

What to expect, via The Hill's Mike Lillis: https://bit.ly/3dyiyCv

FROM THE HOUSE FLOOR:

Lots of yelling: "Rep. Haley Stevens Haley Maria StevensUS Chamber of Commerce set to endorse 23 House freshman Democrats Eric Esshaki wins Michigan GOP primary to challenge Haley Stevens The Hill's Campaign Report: Buzz builds around Warren for VP MORE, a typically mild-mannered freshman from Michigan, goes over her allotted time and the presiding officer tells her her time is up, bangs his gavel and she continued to shout her speech as members were loudly telling her to stop." (Via CNN's Manu Raju) https://bit.ly/3bwGJzu

Livestream of the House floor: https://cs.pn/3dxu01h

THERE WAS A MAD DASH TO GET TO WASHINGTON, D.C.:

Via Politico's Heather Caygle:

"And nearly 5 pm yesterday is where mad dash really started: leaders on both sides needed to ensure they had enough members to establish quorum AND defeat Massie. But then other members started worrying -- if they held a roll call vote and weren't there, how would that look? ... So cue members scrambling to find flights -- one lawmaker told me the first two flights they booked were canceled. And panic about having to return -- what if they catch the virus...what if they spread it to colleagues and staff unknowingly, etc."

Read the full thread on what happened: https://bit.ly/39nOuWI

President Trump Donald John TrumpBubba Wallace to be driver of Michael Jordan, Denny Hamlin NASCAR team Graham: GOP will confirm Trump's Supreme Court nominee before the election Southwest Airlines, unions call for six-month extension of government aid MORE TWEETED ABOUT REP. MASSIE THIS A.M.:

The president tweeted, "Looks like a third rate Grandstander named @RepThomasMassie, a Congressman from, unfortunately, a truly GREAT State, Kentucky, wants to vote against the new Save Our Workers Bill in Congress. He just wants the publicity. He can't stop it, only delay, which is both dangerous......" https://bit.ly/3amVKn7

He then added: "...& costly. Workers & small businesses need money now in order to survive. Virus wasn't their fault. It is 'HELL' dealing with the Dems, had to give up some stupid things in order to get the 'big picture' done. 90% GREAT! WIN BACK HOUSE, but throw Massie out of Republican Party!" https://bit.ly/2UkkPJY

^ Two Republican lawmakers came to Massie’s rescue: Reps. Chip RoyCharles (Chip) Eugene RoyPelosi must go — the House is in dire need of new leadership GOP lawmakers want answers from Disney on Mulan, China Freedom Caucus member Chip Roy touts bipartisanship in first campaign ad MORE (R-Texas) and Paul Gosar Paul Anthony GosarPelosi must go — the House is in dire need of new leadership LWCF modernization: Restoring the promise Trump tweets his people have all left Drudge MORE (R-Ariz.), both members of the House Freedom Caucus, defended Massie after President Trump called for him to be kicked out of the Republican Party. https://bit.ly/33Oqj2G

Oh mannn, it’s a weird day:

It's Friday! I'm Cate Martel with a quick recap of the morning and what's coming up. Send comments, story ideas and events for our radar to cmartel@thehill.com -- and follow along on Twitter @CateMartel and Facebook.

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SIGHTS AND SOUNDS:

I appreciate the creativity!:

Rep. Sylvia Garcia Sylvia GarciaHispanic Caucus asks for Department of Labor meeting on COVID in meatpacking plants Texas Democrat proposes legislation requiring masks in federal facilities Hispanic Caucus requests meeting with private detention center CEOs MORE (D-Texas) posted a video of the Houston airport last night: It's completely empty. https://bit.ly/2WP1XEn

Three congresswomen ran into each other at the airport: Here's a photo of the three posing, with a safe social distance of course: https://bit.ly/3bzkk4B

Oh hey, congressman: Here's a photo of Rep. David Cicilline David Nicola CicillineClark rolls out endorsements in assistant Speaker race Races heat up for House leadership posts The folly of Cicilline's 'Glass-Steagall for Tech' MORE (D-R.I.) social distancing: https://bit.ly/3dCHXeu

Think of all the leg room:

A bipartisan (and socially distanced) flight to DC this morning to vote on Coronavirus economic relief. @RepPeteStauber @RepAngieCraig @BettyMcCollum04 pic.twitter.com/8o48sSvYrW — Rep. Dusty Johnson (@RepDustyJohnson) March 27, 2020

Rep. Mark Walker Bradley (Mark) Mark WalkerMike Johnson to run for vice chairman of House GOP conference The Hill's Morning Report - Sponsored by National Industries for the Blind - Woodward book revelations rock Washington The Hill's 12:30 Report — Presented by Facebook — Trump, Biden duel in final stretch | Vaccine trial on pause after recipient's 'potentially unexplained illness' | Biden visits Michigan | Trump campaign has 18 events in 11 states planned in the next week MORE (R-N.C.) made a friend: Walker was the only passenger at the Delta gate this morning so he posed for a cute photo with gate agent Jewel. Photo -- I love this: https://bit.ly/2wxHhq5

More photos of a completely empty airport and plane: It's spooky. https://bit.ly/2ydE27A

MORE ANSWERS ABOUT THE CORONAVIRUS CHECKS TO AMERICANS:

Including whether people will have to pay taxes on the payment, if immigrants are eligible and how to receive a check if you have recently moved. Full Q&A from The Hill's Naomi Jagoda: https://bit.ly/2Ji8gsh

IN THE WHITE HOUSE

Trump just yelled at Ford and GM:

President Trump just lashed out on twitter at auto manufacturers, General Motors and Ford, demanding companies begin building ventilators to help coronavirus patients. https://bit.ly/2vU7tuD

Trump tweeted: “General Motors MUST immediately open their stupidly abandoned Lordstown plant in Ohio, or some other plant, and START MAKING VENTILATORS, NOW!!!!!! FORD, GET GOING ON VENTILATORS, FAST!!!!!!” https://bit.ly/3aA6AWU

NEWS THIS MORNING

Boris Johnson has COVID-19:

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced that he tested positive for the coronavirus.

Johnson tweeted: "Over the last 24 hours I have developed mild symptoms and tested positive for coronavirus. I am now self-isolating, but I will continue to lead the government's response via video-conference as we fight this virus."

Johnson posted a video explaining his diagnosis and assured citizens: Watch: https://bit.ly/2QPUGAs

WHERE WE STAND NOW

Dr. Anthony Fauci debunked rumors and answered everyone's biggest questions: During an interview with Trevor Noah Trevor NoahTed Cruz: 'Many liberal males never grow balls' Overnight Defense: House chair announces contempt proceeding against Pompeo | Top general says military has no role in election disputes | Appeal court rejects due process rights for Gitmo detainees Top general: Military will play no role in resolving any electoral dispute MORE on "The Daily Show." Watch -- it's pretty helpful: https://bit.ly/3bsa7GY

Tidbit from The New York Times's Maggie Haberman Maggie Lindsy HabermanBiden, Pence cross paths at NYC 9/11 ceremony The Hill's 12:30 Report - Presented by Facebook - Trump floats 0M+ in personal spending for reelection bid The Hill's 12:30 Report: Washington reacts to scathing Trump military story MORE: "The increased wail of ambulances in our Brooklyn neighborhood is haunting over the last few days." https://bit.ly/2wyI1v4

In Manhattan this morning:

Little bit of a different setup at Javits today for ⁦@NYGovCuomo⁩ briefing. Members of the National Guard are sitting front and center, press is behind them and to the side. Behind where the Governor will be are the first makeshift hospital rooms and beds. pic.twitter.com/qe36ZX4PHV — Zack Fink (@ZackFinkNews) March 27, 2020

Op-ed: https://bit.ly/2QK8o87

NOTABLE TWEETS

OK, this made me laugh:

just a reminder that if your fellow self quarantining neighbors are being too loud you might be able to connect to their Bluetooth speaker

pic.twitter.com/6zi0ozJoWc — Matt O'Brien (@matt_obrien) March 24, 2020

Watch: https://bit.ly/2UInMTp

ON TAP

The House is in. The Senate is out. President Trump and Vice President Pence are in Washington, D.C.

9 a.m. EDT: The House convened to work on the coronavirus stimulus bill. The House's full schedule today: https://bit.ly/3dy8KIH

Noon: President Trump received an intelligence briefing.

3 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence leads a White House Coronavirus Task Force meeting in the Situation Room.

WHAT TO WATCH

5 p.m. EDT: The White House Coronavirus Task Force holds a press briefing. Livestream: https://bit.ly/2UoDxQs

NOW FOR THE FUN STUFF...

Today is National Spanish Paella Day.

And for planning purposes, tomorrow is National Black Forest Cake Day and Sunday is National Chiffon Cake Day.

Because all we've been hearing about are virtual happy hours:

Via The New York Times's Anna Goldfarb, here's "how to have a successful virtual happy hour." The gist: "The coronavirus has turned drinks at the bar into drinks in our individual homes, but that doesn't mean you have to drink alone." https://nyti.ms/2vT2jPv

And because I have been loving these videos, here's a closed aquarium that let puppies roam around and explore: https://bit.ly/3bvRjqw