The Breakup Guide

This is for anyone and everyone who has recently broken up with somebody or is unfortunately anticipating that a breakup is imminent.



1. Listen to every story your parents tell you. They probably have more experience when it comes to heartbreak than you do. Perhaps it is easy for them to point out that they're now happily married and have you, but for someone who's just been dumped (or who has dumped somebody - that isn't an easy thing to do either!) it doesn't always seem realistic. Remember though: your parents, grandparents and other relatives are proof that one day, former flames simply become a thing of the past. Notice how most of the time they'll smile when they reveal anecdotes about their first boyfriends and girlfriends. Everything is going to be fine.



2. Your friends LOVE you. Never forget that. When I went through a bad break up, I felt isolated for a while, fearing that nobody would love me in the same way again. That all changed when I spent some quality time with my friendship group; going to parties, having a drink and just generally having a good old laugh. It helped me to remember that there was a time before I'd ever been in a relationship, a time when so many happy memories were made with friends and not boyfriends, and it was then that I realised that no matter what happens, your friends will always be around to remind you that you're not alone and that you're still utterly fantastic.



3. Don't force him/her to keep any promises. I don't know anybody who has been able to stay in contact with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend. Sometimes it can be difficult to speak to somebody without wishing the relationship would be restored - it can often torment the person who was dumped, or, depending on the circumstances, it can be quite an uncomfortable prospect. During a break up, it's not uncommon to hear things like 'we can still be friends', or, 'I can still talk to you, just like old times.', but unfortunately, these words tend to be spoken to stop you from hurting as much. I'm not saying your ex wanted to lie to you and hurt you even more, but at the time it can seem easier to console someone with the idea of continuing communication than expressing a desire to cut them off altogether. For me, realising an ex does not wish to speak to you anymore can be one of the most difficult parts of a breakup, but you have to remember that this is probably as difficult for them as it is for you. Don't pester them, and let them have the space and the time that they need. I'm sure they will be grateful.



4. Somebody else CAN and WILL love you. If this is the first relationship you've been in, the idea of someone else loving you as much as your first boyfriend or girlfriend can seem highly unlikely, perhaps even impossible, but I need you to know something: your worth is not determined by the person you are with. Your attractiveness is not determined by the attractiveness of your ex. You are you, and nobody can change that. You are beautiful, you are incredible, and you are capable of doing great things. Please never let anybody make you believe otherwise. There's somebody out there looking for you right now, and I promise that, if you give it time and take care of yourself, you'll find them.



5. Everything is going to be okay. These words don't help when you feel like your world's collapsing around you. A tiny part of your mind will know that they're right, after all, the world isn't actually collapsing, and if break ups were going to be that damaging we'd all be in big trouble. It's important that you take some time to 'heal' if you will, so that over time the part of you that knows everything's going to be okay will grow and grow, even if it means you have to say it to yourself when you wake up in the morning just to make getting through the day a little bit easier.



Dedicate all of your time to you, surround yourself with good people and remember: whatever happens, you are a star, and you will never stop shining.