Video games are far better than reality. More things explode, the creators fix their universe when random bullshit is ruining things for good people, and emptying a machine gun into homophobic racists gets you a thousand points instead of 30 years. Besides, no one can truly criticize the escapism of games on a planet where people spend $15 to pretend Adam Sandler is still funny.

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Games are far less damaging to society.

For millennia, alchemists tried to turn stupid lead into gold. Game developers have fixed that formula by ditching the dead weight of the eighth word. Demanding a continual supply of coins for pretend lives is fine for Mario, but it works less well with credit cards. Now even Duke Nukem Forever offers downloadable content, and that's the most perfect fusion of commerce, tragedy and desperate optimism since scientists went to work on pheromone sprays that would make them attractive to women.