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Have you ever wondered what kind of awful husband buys his wife one of those cheesy fake roses in a glass tube? They're such lame gifts, but you see them everywhere. If stores keep stocking them, someone must be buying them, right? What kind of relationship transgression can be fixed with a $1 gas station purchase? Failure to DVR the right television show usually requires more apology effort than that.

If you've had suspicions similar to those just expressed, which I highly doubt you have until now, I'm glad to report that they are not unfounded. There is in fact only one occasion when buying your woman a rose in a glass tube is appropriate, and that, of course, is if you're going to smoke crack together, which, in turn, means you're probably dating Courtney Love.

Twitter.com/Courtney

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That's the only reason anyone buys those otherwise useless trinkets.

It's at this point that some especially observant types will point out that you can also smoke meth, heroin, and any number of other drugs with those rose pipes. Those people know way too much. Do not trust them around your medicine cabinet.

The manufacturer isn't always subtle about the real reason the product exists, either. Check out this batch of glass roses, which are available online at wholesale savings!