Art by Chelsea Beck/GMG

Hand jobs don’t get the respect they deserve. They’re an activity that many people (especially heterosexual people) haven’t done since they were teenagers. But, just like fingering a woman, manually stimulating a man can be one of the best ways to give focused stimulation. Here’s everything you need to know to give a fantastic hand job.


Make Sure He’s on Board

My first couple of steps are identical to my recommendations for fingering a woman. Enthusiastic consent is key. Some guys just don’t like hand jobs, or won’t want one in that particular moment. That’s OK.


Enthusiasm is essential on the giver’s end too. Enthusiasm is so crucial to great sex. If your partner can tell you’re just going through the motions, it’s going to be really hard for them to lie back and receive. If you’ve never given your partner a hand job before, play that up. Let him know you’re excited to try something new, and to give his penis some focused attention. Compliment the size and shape of his penis.



Get Prepared

Wash your hands and make sure your nails are short and smooth.

Let’s do a quick anatomy refresher. The shaft is the majority of the penis. It’s capped off by the head of the penis, which typically looks like a mushroom cap. The head will be exposed if he’s circumcised, and covered with a foreskin if he’s not. If he’s not circumcised, the foreskin will typically retract on its own when he’s erect, so the head of the penis is exposed. On the underside of his penis is his frenulum. It looks like a little seam, and is typically ultra-sensitive. At the base of his penis are his testicles. The strip of skin between his testicles and anus is called the perineum.

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Get into Position

Have him lie flat on his back. If he wants to watch the action, he can sit up a bit, with some pillows propped behind him for support. Sit between his legs, facing his head. You can sit cross-legged, or stretch your legs out on top of his. You want to be able to be comfortable for a decent amount of time, so do whatever maneuvering you need to do.


Use Lube

Lube is absolutely essential for a great hand job. The penis doesn’t self-lubricate, you need to use lube to ensure that things go smoothly. I like silicone lubes like Pjur Original—the best because you can go forever without needing to reapply. They also feel fantastic against the skin.


Ask Him to Show You

I left out one crucial piece of advice in my fingering a woman article—ask her to show you what she likes! This advice works for a hand job as well. Tell him, “I want to see what you do when you touch yourself.” Then pay attention to his grip, technique, and speed. It’s incredibly erotic to watch.


In particular, I think it’s helpful to get a sense of how tightly he squeezes his penis. If you don’t have a penis yourself, you might be nervous about using too much pressure. But the most common complaint I hear from men is that their partners don’t use a firm enough grip. If you can’t get a good enough sense from watching him, try this—grip his penis, and slowly increase the pressure. Ask him to stop you until you get to the pressure that feels best for him.

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Get Your Basic Movement Down

The basic hand job technique is to move your hand up and down his shaft. I recommend a gentle back-and-forth twisting motion with your wrist as you move up and down, to give him a little extra stimulation as you go. Focus a bit of extra attention on the sensitive head. You may want to slow down a bit once you get to the head, or squeeze a bit tighter.


Once you get comfortable, you can try using two hands. You can place one fist on top of the other, and move them up and down in unison. Or try interlacing your fingers, and wrapping both hands around his penis. Another fun trick is to wrap one hand around the head of his penis, and slide it down his shaft to the base. As soon as you hit the base, repeat the movement with your other hand. Release at the base, so your hands keep moving in one direction only. Keep doing this over and over again. It will feel like he’s endlessly penetrating your hands.



Get Other Parts of the Body Involved

While you’re working his shaft with one hand, use your other hand to explore the rest of his genitals. The testicles are a great place to stimulate. Be more delicate with his testicles than you are with his shaft. Hold both of his testicles in your hand, and gently squeeze or tug on them. The skin between his testicles can be particularly sensitive, so try lightly holding the skin between your thumb and pointer finger, and slowly moving your fingers from the base of his testicles down to the edge.


You can also play with his perineum and his anus. Use a lubed-up knuckle to apply a good amount of pressure to the perineum. A kneading motion can work well. If you have his permission, you can also apply a bit of pressure to his anus.

Ask for Feedback

Don’t be afraid to ask him for feedback about what he likes best or what he wants you to do. Communicating during a hand job can be really hot—and very helpful!