(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Have you ever wanted to compliment a woman but been worried that it won’t be received in the spirit you meant it?

Or received a less-than-ideal reaction to a compliment?

Do you give up and tell yourself: ‘I’m not good at compliments, so I won’t even try to compliment women?’

You’re not alone. Many men don’t know how to compliment a woman without being abrasive or somehow insulting her. Here, we lay out some foolproof tips that will help you compliment a woman without accidentally sounding like a dick.


Never neg

Negging – a favourite of pickup artists and other shady characters – is basically an insult disguised as a compliment.



You may not mean to neg a woman, but a compliment might veer into that territory. For example: ‘You look so cute! My gran has the exact same dress!’ or ‘I adore your little snub nose.’

These are ‘compliments’ that will earn you a cold silence from a woman. She’s not going to notice the ‘cute’ part; it doesn’t count when she’s worried that her dress makes her look matronly or that she has an unfortunate nose.

Ask yourself, is there any part of my comment that might come off as insulting? If there is, it can’t be saved by tacking on something nice. Throw the entire compliment away and start afresh.

There are plenty of other things you can compliment her on that won’t have the added effect of making her feel insecure.

(Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Don’t make a joke of it

Flirting can be scary at the best of times. You’re making yourself vulnerable when you do it, and it’s perfectly natural to want to offset that with humour. You want to tease a woman instead of complimenting her – but being earnest is probably the best approach when it comes to compliments. Women recognise sincerity and are grateful for it.

Own the compliment and deliver it straightforwardly instead of dancing around it.

Instead of ‘I’d tell you how cute you look today, but of course you already know that hahahahaha’ to that girl you see in the lift, try a simple ‘You look really lovely today, by the way.’

That way, she won’t have to smile awkwardly or wonder whether it’s a joke or not. It’s a genuine, disarming compliment of the breed we all appreciate.

Do compliment her on things other than her appearance

When complimenting women, it’s good to keep in mind that they receive a host of unwelcome sexual comments, or straight-up creepy comments. They are likely to be wary of comments on their physical appearance, and are much more receptive to compliments on their intelligence, wit, or sense of humour (In fact, they are almost never appreciated for the latter, so go ahead, tell her that she’s one of the funniest people you know).

If you do make a comment on her physical appearance, remember, the golden rule is to keep it general. ‘You look beautiful,’ to your Tinder date, NOT ‘you have a very sexy neck.’ No matter how sexy her neck is, pointing out one hyperspecific area of her body can feel gross and objectifying (It has a serial-killer-y vibe, too. Which is presumably not what you’re going for).



Don’t be abrasive or grudging

It may sound like 101 advice, but sadly many men adopt a slightly hostile or abrasive tone when they compliment women. It’s another defence mechanism that you have to let go of.

Remember, the purpose of a compliment is to make somebody feel better about themselves. Do it with a smile on your face and in a pleasant tone: don’t say it as if you had a gun to your head.

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

People don’t notice what you’re saying as much as the tone you’re saying it in, so a good compliment is completely wasted if it’s delivered poorly.

Do compliments cost you money? No. Then there’s no reason to be grudging either. There’s a sweet spot between ‘grudging’ and ‘excessive’: that’s where you should aim for.

For example: ‘I wish I had your sense of style – you are always so well dressed.’ to the cute neighbor you keep seeing. A compliment like that is one in a million because it’s sweet, extremely flattering, but not OTT or trying too hard to please.

Finally, remember how powerful compliments can be

Ask most people and they’ll tell you: yes, they remember the best compliment they ever received. Even if it was five years ago, in the club loo and it was a drunk compliment from another girl (women tend to give the best compliments to other women).

We’re insecure beings and we tend to worry about how we’re being perceived by other people, which means that a genuine, sweet compliment will be remembered forever.


Don’t compliment women in hasty or careless ways, or as a shortcut to getting laid.

Try to find something that you really like about them: some unique quality that only they possess. Are they always thoughtful, bringing extra sandwiches to work? Do they have a fantastic, contagious laugh? Perhaps they’re so vivacious that they manage to entertain the most bored person in the group.

Whatever it is, think about it for a moment or two before you compliment a woman. It may be something that she treasures forever, and you’ll always be remembered fondly for it.

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