Before the match, Ralf Rangnick and Ståle Solbakken had a lot in common. Both managed teams that were 17th – and last – in the table, jointly on zero points, zero goals scored and three conceded. Their opening defeats – Schalke's loss at Stuttgart and Köln's destruction at the hands of Wolfsburg in the Rhein-Energie-Stadion – were so bad that their future in the job was questioned by some sections of the German media. Both seemed to face a simple but insurmountable problem: their conceptual approach to tactics jarred with highly individualistic or, in places, randomly put-together squads.

A disconnect between grand ideas on the bench and much more mundane realities on the pitch is fast becoming a common problem in a league that wants instant evolution. Everyone is keen to emulate Jürgen Klopp's superb Dortmund team without having the appropriate hardware or patience to do so. A significant part of the Bundesliga's entertainment factor this year can be attributed to these structural schisms, the results of which make for Frankenesque oddities. Think – if you dare – puppies infused with T-Rex DNA, chimps who labour under the delusion that they're a flock of migrating geese or particularly unfortunate Wolpertingers.

Schalke v Köln promised plenty of freak-show action in that respect and did not disappoint. The visitors were at first brilliantly efficient to take the lead while the Schalke defender Christoph Metzelder was receiving treatment off the pitch – Lukas Podolski finished off the slick counterattacking move. Afterwards, their two rows of fours moved in almost perfect unison, "as if the players were connected by invisible sticks" (Kölner Stadt-Anzeiger), a bit like Milan's fabled "accordion" in the Sacchi days, even. Alas, those sticks were shattered and the music stopped completely when Schalke were awarded a penalty shortly before the break. Klaas-Jan Huntelaar equalised from the spot after Kevin McKenna had handled the ball in the box.

Cue discontent, outrage and a total lapse of tactical discipline after the restart. Köln stopped running, playing and functioning altogether as Schalke, by no means superb, ran riot. Lewis Holtby scored his first goal for the Royal Blues, Huntelaar completed a hat-trick and Raúl chipped Michael Rensing from a few metres out – a classic, nonchalant effort that will feature heavily in "best of season" lists come May 2012. "I expect nothing less of him, he converts six out of eight of those in training every day," Holtby said. "He's world-class."

"Total system failure" was Stadt-Anzeiger's verdict. Solbakken, to his credit, did not hide behind platitudes. "The whole team [set-up] wasn't right, therefore the manager is to blame," the Norwegian said. "Inside this feels like hell for me, it's a catastrophe. Next week, there will be lots of pressure from the supporters and the media." The 43-year-old said he continues to believe in his concept but is unsure how quickly he will be able to implement it successfully. "It's hard to tell when the system will start working," the former Copenhagen manager said. "There's no other way but it has to be quick. As long as I'm here, we will follow this plan. That's why the club bought me. There won't be a compromise."

Solbakken's past success and reports from Denmark suggest that he belongs to the gang of young, smart and technically minded managers who are increasingly making their mark on European football. It is questionable, however, if Köln, with its toxic mix of tabloid power, supporter daydreams and at times less than committed playing staff is the right club for such a radical, long-term strategy. Stadt-Anzeiger wondered whether such an experiment might not be better suited to the fourth division, a league without relegation this season. "The players don't fit the system, there are no alternatives in the key positions and there's a lack of character in the team", wrote the tabloid. The fact that Podolski, the deposed captain, finished the game with the least amount of ground covered of all Köln players (9.5km) was only marginally less surprising than Cesc Fábregas's move to Barcelona.

The sporting director Volker Finke, who made his name with Valeriy Lobanovskiy-inspired pressing and passing football at Freiburg in the 1990s, seemed genuinely shocked by proceedings. "I won't comment on what went wrong, that's the manager's job," the 63-year-old said. "The situation is more than annoying. But it was obvious that it would take time to put new team tactics into place. It's too early for the big, global questions." It surely is, but that won't stop Köln posing them anyway – if the team lose against Kaiserslautern next weekend. Solbakken might not have taken enough care to check out his employers but he is obviously a man au fait with the strange customs of the Bundesliga. "See you next week," one journalist said on Saturday; "I hope so," came the reply, with a wry smile.

Talking points

• The emphatic win gave Ralf Rangnick a bit of breathing space. But the lingering conflict with Raúl is far from resolved. The 34-year-old is unhappy about having to play deeper and missed the good old days under Felix Magath, who gave the striker plenty of freedom as well as preferential treatment off the pitch. There is no more talk about an extension of his contract, no more partying with the fans, no more interviews with the German media. Raúl has refused to take a seat on the team council in a move that has been interpreted as a goodbye gesture. "The diva wants to get off," wrote Bild. Blackburn Rovers are rumoured to be preparing a bid but Venky's must be careful: in contrast to all the Rovers owners' other half-hearted, PR-driven bids this one would actually stand a good chance of being accepted, at least as far as Schalke are concerned.

• Robin Dutt has similar problems with another great in the twilight of his career: Michael Ballack. The new Leverkusen manager has talked himself into a corner over the decision to rotate Ballack and Simon Rolfes in central midfield, sending out mixed messages that have left everyone a little miffed. "It's an honour to sit on Bayer's bench," Dutt said, a view that is shared by neither player. Against Werder, Ballack started but was fairly anonymous. Rolfes came on for the former Chelsea player with seven minutes to go and turned provider for Michal Kadlec's winner two minutes later. "We don't just have a superb first XI but a fantastic bench, too," Rolfes said diplomatically. "Individual feelings are not important." They will be, one suspects, once the Champions League comes around. Werder found a simple explanation for the 1-0 defeat, by the way. "The last bit of horniness was missing," declared Per Mertesacker, who is still waiting for Arsène Wenger's call.

• A flukey last-minute goal by Bayern Munich to win a game, after a less than sparkling performance? Unbelievable, Jeff. Jupp Heynckes's team only avoided two barren opening matches when Luiz Gustavo squeezed a shot past the Wolfsburg goalkeeper, Diego Benaglio, in stoppage time. The win gave Bayern plenty of licence to go into raptures over their "winning mentality" but there was little to impress the neutrals: the visitors struggled to cope with Felix Magath's muscular pressing game and created next to nothing in the final third. On the plus side, there was no dodgy facial hair whatsoever from Manuel Neuer and no wobbles either as the Bayern back four played one of its more convincing matches in living memory.

• After a buildup that was completely dominated by Mario Götze's fine performance for the national team against Brazil, Dortmund somehow managed to lose a match that they completely dominated, too (Götze looked a little tired, though). The Hoffenheim midfielder Sejad Salihovic scored with a 33m free-kick rocket that left Roman Weidenfeller clasping at thin air. "I don't know about the other goals that were scored today but this one will be hard to beat," Jürgen Klopp said. His colleague, Holger Stanislawski, professed to drinking "five or six bottles" – of water, one hopes – and sweating his heart out on the touchline. But the final whistle may not have been the end of the matter. In a remarkable development, away supporters alleged that their section was targeted by a high-pitch noise that piped up every time they were singing abusive anti-Hoffenheim songs (There is plenty of ill-feeling between the clubs after the Borussia chief executive Hans-Joachim Watzke criticised 1899's business model – their reliance on a wealthy benefactor – last year). "It was a very loud, shrieking sound," Dortmund's supporter liaison officer told Ruhrnachrichten. A fan captured the alleged offending noise on a video(at 4:00), and charges have been pressed with police. "We are totally surprised," Hoffenheim said. "No one had any knowledge of this." The club later said one fan had brought "a very loud horn" into the stadium. On Monday afternoon, Hoffenheim said an employee had confessed to installing a noise apparatus "without authorisation". "[The club] distances itself from this action and apologises to all football fans," Hoffenheim said. "The man was not aware of the magnitude of his actions, which was meant to be playful in nature." Hmm. "Those who insult me over the course of 90 minutes shouldn't be so touchy," Hoffenheim's sugar daddy Dietmar Hopp said dismissively. If the noise was indeed played in by the speaker system, however, Dortmund might well have grounds to challenge the result: Bundesliga regulations prohibit the emittance of any sound in open play.

Results: Hoffenheim 1-0 Dortmund, Schalke 5-1 Köln, Gladbach 1-1 Stuttgart, Wolfsburg 0-1 Bayern, Hamburg 2-2 Hertha, Nürnberg 1-2 Hannover, Freiburg 1-2 Mainz, Leverkusen 1-0 Bremen, Kaiserslautern 1-1 Augsburg.

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