by Saintmort Retroactive Thinking: ‘Can’t Hardly Wait’ is 15 Years Old

Today is a huge day in the world of cinema.

You see, today Jurassic Park celebrates it’s 20th anniversary. The legendary film that broke records, captivated audiences with its groundbreaking special effects, and caused hundreds of kids around the world (myself included) to develop an extreme interest in dinosaurs (specifically the Raptor which pre-Jurassic Park most of us kids had never heard of). I really should be doing a Retroactive Thinking about it… but I’m not. I like Jurassic Park, it’s a great movie… but 5 years and one day after its release, a film came out that left a much larger impression on me. That movie is 1998’s Can’t Hardly Wait.

I grew up in the mid-90’s. What I mean by this, is that since I was born in 1985, it was 1994-1995 when I really started caring about stuff. Once you hit the double digits, you start to listen to your own music, start going to the mall by yourself, and begin attending movies without your parents because now you’re a junior high student. The 90’s was full of forgettable teen flicks, and this was the one that started it all.

Can’t Hardly Wait (released June 12th 1998) was written and directed by Harry Elfont and Deborah Kaplan (who’s only other directing job was the criminally under-appreciated Josie and the Pussycats). The film not only reignited the teen flick after years of absence, but remains the best film of the resurgence (on par with American Pie). The simple plot follows a group of high school students at a giant graduation party. The biggest focus of the movie is on Preston Meyers, who has been in love with Amanda Beckett since freshmen year, but as long as he’s known her, she’s been dating Mike Dexter. Finally, on graduation day Mike and Amanda break up, and it’s Preston’s chance to tell her how he really feels.

We also follow the nerdy William Lichter as he attempts to get revenge on Mike Dexter, and Wigger Kenny Fisher (Seth Green) trying to lose his virginity. There are plenty of other small plot-lines mixed into the film (including a brilliant one about a high school band’s first show).

So why did this movie leave such a massive impact on me? It goes back to 1998. As shocking as it may be to you readers, but I was a bit of a geek in Jr. High. I remember this movie’s trailer and I remember not really having an opinion about it. Unlike when I saw something like The Phantom Menace trailer, I didn’t say ‘Man, I have to see that’. At the time I was hanging out with Adam, a kid who was my best friend throughout Junior High (and then we kinda went our separate ways in high school). I’ll always remember the day we finished 6th grade and felt like 2 grown ups (I, of course wouldn’t be an actual grown up until… well… I’m probably still not a genuine adult). I was invited by Adam to see this movie after our last day of school with a girl he was dating and her friend. As per usual, the girl’s friend had zero interest in me, so instead of getting my make-out on I just sat in a mostly empty theater watching Can’t Hardly Wait.

Can’t Hardly Wait was a rare type of movie. It was the only 90’s teen flick (again, except for maybe American Pie) that really had an 80’s feel to it. What I mean by that, is that the characters were relatable and very real. They represented the various cliche’s realistically without being stereotypes (much like Breakfast Club). It was the first time I felt like I was seeing my classmates accurately depicted on the big screen.

Six years after it’s release, I graduated high school, and while I didn’t attend a giant graduation party, I did attend a small party at my Salutatorian’s house. It was a typical gathering of high school outcasts. We decided to put on Can’t Hardly Wait, and we quickly realized that despite the film coming out when we were in 7th grade, we still graduated with those characters.

Every time I watch Can’t Hardly Wait, I desperately want to write my own teen flick. One day I will I’m sure, but no matter what I do or how hard I try, I’ll never create a teen movie as incredible and relatable as this film.

Simply put, I love the shit out of this movie. I’ve even attended at least three Halloween Parties dressed as Kenny Fisher (see below). Some people own every version of Star Wars ever released, and I’ve purchased every version of Can’t Hardly Wait made available. The VHS, the DVD, The 10 year reunion DVD, and on the day that Harry and Deborah release the uncut R version of the movie on Blu-Ray I will purchase it as well (and probably a Blu-Ray player so I can watch it).

You may be asking ‘an R rated version?’ In order to get a PG-13 there were various scenes that had to be cut from the movie. This also involved us losing one of the main characters in the original film, Crying Drunk Girl. Crying Drunk Girl (played by Jennifer Elise Cox) was the key character linking all the storylines together. The joke being that she hears Denise and Kenny get locked in a bathroom, she knows Preston, and offers to help Amanda find him. However, no one can understand her because she’s too drunk to produce genuine words. All of her dialogue would have appeared as subtitles letting audiences in on the joke. She eventually hooks up with the foreign exchange student.

Two other characters, Stoned Girl (played by Amber Benson) and Watermelon Guy (Played by Jason Segel) saw a major cut to their screentime. Segel originally had a scene explained that for the last year he’s been soaking a Watermelon in Vodka, while Benson’s character only appears on screen for 2 seconds staring at a banana. Here’s hoping that somewhere an unrated version of the movie will see the light of day.

So, take some time and remember the 1998 film that launched enough careers that my friends and I like to play “Six Degrees to Can’t Hardly Wait”. Maybe Doug Benson will play that on Doug Loves Movies… in fact, I’m going to tweet that at him.