Trouble in paradise? Be it size matters, erection problems or retention issues, there’s something available to help you get out of a sticky situation. Ever caught a dog reading ‘How to keep your bitch happy’? Obviously not, because dogs can’t read but we can! And that’s why…

WHAM, BAM… OH DAMN!

In his 35 years of practice, Dr Kothari has seen more than 50,000 cases of performance anxiety. While awareness levels have gone up, he notes that in India, unlike in the West, anxiety also arises out of many myths. “By and large, performance anxiety is psychological, more situational rather than physiological,” he explains. “But once you fail, the fear of failure settles down in you. And you can’t be anxious and sensuous at the same time!” Unlike physical impotence, performance anxiety can strike anyone, at any age.

Take Ravi*, 28. In his college, he got cosy with a hot fresher. After ample beer and cigarettes, when they really got on, Ravi discovered, to his horror, that he failed to respond. It freaked him out! Not surprising, because, as Dr Kothari says, “Stress, smoke and Scotch hinder the big S!”

Psychiatrist Dr Jitendra Nagpal rues the fact that sex is losing its spontaneity. “I call it the modern-day hurry-and-worry syndrome. Like everything in our daily lives, even sex is getting scheduled and that creates performance pressure.” Add to it spot surveys that lay the foundation of sexuality in the society and you are bound to have panic attacks.

By and large performance anxiety is psychological, to be more precise situational rather than physiologigal, but once you fail, the fear of failure settles down in you. and you can’t be anxious and sensuous at the same time!

–Dr Prakash Kothari

The import of West-based surveys worries professionals. Dr Brahmbhatt asks: “How many regular middle-class couples have bubble baths, light candles, wear sexy lingerie and go out on ‘couple only’ vacations to spice up their love lives?” Chances are, only a handful. Yet, we devour phirang articles on sex, catch up on any American, Australian (but not Indian) studies on sexual trends… “On one hand, the media tries to clear myths and misconceptions but, on the other, perpetuates new myths,” points out Dr Kothari. Remember that all this bad news can actually be the big buzz-kill in the bedroom. Hopefully we are smarter than that!

— With inputs by Amin Ali & Hari Govind Nair (* Names changed to protect identities)

DO NOT BELIEVE ALL THAT YOU READ! THE TOPSY-TURVY WORLD OF SEX SURVEYS

In 2006, an Australian study revealed that women with graduate degrees are more likely to reach orgasm than their less educated counterparts. Soon after, a study published in the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality found that better-educated women are more likely to have low sex drives and less likely to climax! Now, a 2008 German survey confirms that the more educated a woman is, the less likely she is to be satisfied by sex. Duh! It’s a simple case of keep them dumb to make them come. Well, bad news for brainy babes all across then! Yet another study claims that high heels, which till now you thought were your ticket to a lifetime of spinal trouble, may actually improve your sex life. The reason: They exercise the pelvic muscles!

What utter rubbish, exclaim most experts. “Surveys are like bikinis,” says sexologist Dr Prakash Kothari. “They reveal a lot but conceal the vital parts!” Experts reject any imported sample surveys that aren’t Indianised. Dr Jitendra Nagpal thinks surveys nurture complexes. How? Say, a nationwide survey hits the stands with startling revelations that 70 per cent of Indians prefer to do it in a particular position or 85 per cent have sex four times a week or some such, and say you are not part of the larger precentage, just how would you feel? Our guess is: Very complexed!

PORN TO BE WILD! CAN WATCHING PORN HINDER PERFORMANCE?

Every hot-blooded male would claim to have seen some good amount of porn in his lifetime, sometimes starting as young as 13 or 14. With the Net opening up its gateways, with cellphone smut just a dial away, pornorgraphy is now easy to access. You don’t have to roam the seedy underground markets, it’s all around you.

While graphic designer Dushyant Joshi watches porn to pick up great bedroom tips, 20-something college boy Arun Tyagi* is actually scared by it! “The guys in the videos go on and on for hours. I can’t even hold an erection for 20 minutes! My girlfriend has been hinting that we should now get physical but I’m just too scared to try it.” Psychiatrist Dr Jitendra Nagpal comments: “Porn literature or films are about Herculean methodologies that convolute the natural notions of sex.”

Such images create an unrealistic notion of sex and lovemaking, creating complexes in young minds. Growing up on a steady stream of porn can actually distort your notions of sex. Psychiatrist Dr Sameer Parikh declares pornography as baseless. “Nobody should take it seriously. And if someone actually tries to copy the senseless acts in these films, they need medical help. Send them to me!”

Gynaecologist Dr. Shivani Sachdev agrees that young men ape what they see and tend to harbour unrealistic expectations. “This creates emotional problems, feelings of insecurity and inadequacy and ultimately psychogenic problems, which are the most common causes of male sexual dysfunction.” So, see but don’t believe it all, eh!

BED OF DOSES WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF PERFORMANCE ENHANCERS

Trouble in paradise? Be it size matters, erection problems or retention issues, there’s something available to help you get out of a sticky situation. But as psychiatrist Dr Jitendra Nagpal says, “The mind is the best aphrodisiac.” So, be careful of what you pick, whether off the rack or off the Net.