That's because the Mozz Man knows that unemployment is an individual's choice, no matter what those seditious types at the Australian Bureau of Statistics might tell you about unemployment in Australia rising to 6.2 per cent and being predicted to remain stagnant for the foreseeable future, especially for people outside the large eastern capitals like WA, where it's now cresting seven per cent and rising. That rate's simply because the youth (whose unemployment rate is closer to 20 per cent) are all getting out of school, board-skating to their hippity-hop music and planning to sign on, according to the Minister. "One of the more concerning things I've had in this new responsibility as Minister for Social Services is to be briefed on what happens at the end of each school year, particularly for young school leavers," Morrison said of the aforementioned dream he had which bore no resemblence to reality. "This document [the new policy] is not an Ikea catalogue to go shopping for benefits. That's not what it is." Strong, inspiring words. Although if Scoz was worried about people confusing the two, why is his policy statement so chock-full of this season's couches at low, low prices?

They're both like staggering through a baffling labyrinth, the lighting is harsh and unforgiving, and there's not nearly enough staff - and even though those staff genuinely want to help, they're almost completely powerless to actually do so. Furthermore, the chances of leaving with what you went there for are slim-to-nil, and even if you do it's only going to involve a of series of maddeningly complicated instructions. And, of course, the end result is going to involve a suspiciously low amount of money, to the point where you can't help but speculate what sort of corners are being cut behind the scenes. B-but all the wanted to do was preserve detainees' privacy!

Sadly for Great Scott, his successor in the Immigration portfolio has had a loss in that Melbourne's Supreme Court have ruled that the Department has to compensate lawyers Elizabeth O'Shea and Min Guo from the firm Morris Blackburn after denying them access to the detention centre in Christmas Island. The story goes like this: the lawyers, who are representing asylum seekers in their legal nightmare, had obtained a court order to inspect the facilities. However, when they actually lobbed in to the White compound, regional manager Rebecca O'Reilly refused them entry: firstly on the grounds of privacy and, when that didn't work, on the grounds of security. After their colleagues obtained a hasty application for access from the Supreme Court in Melbourne, they were permitted to finally enter - accompanied by a phalanx of five security officers. No doubt that made the detainees feel marvellously secure, and absolutely free to speak with legal counsel about their experiences. Justice Stephen Kaye ruled that the Immigration Department must pay around $10,000 in compensation for the fees connected with obtaining the rushed court order, giving both the Department and the Federal Government a sick burn in the process by declaring that "In this litigation, the conduct of the defendants has fallen well short of the standard of conduct that the courts are entitled to expect of them." However, the important thing is that desperate people being imprisoned in breach of our human rights obligations are being denied legal advice. Who can put a price on that?

NEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDSSSSSSSSS! The Prime Minister was back in premier form yesterday, mocking the Opposition for… um, suggesting that coding be a skill that should be taught to Australian kids? Really? To recap: Opposition Leader Bill Shorten had made a call in Parliament yesterday that primary and secondary schools should teach kids how to code, since it's fairly obviously an area that's going to remain strongly employable in the future. And Tony Abbott's response? "Let's just understand exactly what the Leader of the Opposition has asked. He said that he wants primary school kids to be taught coding so they can get the jobs of the future. Does he want to send them all out to work at the age of 11? Is that what he wants to do? Seriously?" Now, just pause for a second. Did you think that Shorten was suggesting sending eleven year olds into the workforce? If so: it's an honour to have you reading us, Prime Minister!