Behind the Scenes is a feature I write on the site whenever an interesting transaction is made by the Rangers. I take a look inside the conversation that led to the transaction and listen in as the parties involved discuss possibilities. This is of course a parody post, so don't take it too seriously and enjoy!

The scene is this: Don Maloney and Glen Sather are dining at a New York restaurant discussing potential trades as the Deadline moves closer.

Don Maloney: Glen, could you please stop smoking a cigar at the dinner table? I’m pretty sure it’s not even legal.

Glen Sather: They allow it, I gave them my 2030 first round pick to let me and my 2037 first round pick for the cigars.

DM: OK Glen. Let’s talk business. Who are you interested in on my roster?

GS: Antoine Vermette and Martin Hanzal.

DM: Glen….you do realize Hanzal is out for the season, right?

GS: Uh, yes of course.

DM: And you read the memo saying we traded Vermette to the Blackhawks, right?

GS: So you aren’t trading us Vermette?

DM: No, Glen, he is not ours anymore.

GS: I’ll give you two first round picks.

DM: Glen, we cannot possibly trade him to you.

GS: Fine. What about defense, we’ll take Derek Morris.

DM: Glen, Morris hasn’t been a Coyote in years.

GS: Oh, who is good?

DM: Keith Yandle is our best defenseman.

GS: OK we will take him, is a first round pick enough?

DM: We need more than that, how about Duclair?

GS: You want an éclair? Let me call the waiter.

Waiter: What would you like sir?

GS: One éclair for the gentleman, please! Say, how old are you anyway?

Waiter: 37 years old, sir.

GS: Wow, just about to enter your prime! Can you win faceoffs and are you interested in joining the New York Rangers?

DM: Why don’t you just get me an éclair, son.

GS: So the éclair and a first round pick for Yandle, deal?

DM: Need more.

GS: We have Moore! Which one?

DM: *facepalms* we will take John Moore, Anthony DUCLAIR, a first round pick, and we will pay for half of Yandle’s contract so you can afford it.

GS: HA! I can afford anything! Did you see the contracts we gave Girardi and Staal?

DM: There is a salary cap, Glen.

GS: WHAT?

DM: Do we have a deal?

GS: Fine, sure. I want Chris Summers since we need an American, young, disappointing first round pick to replace John Moore.

DM: Fine, fine.

GS: Great! Y’know what, you’ve been so nice about this I’ll throw in a second round pick as well.

DM: Uh….thanks, Glen.

GS: Thank you! I have to get going and pick up Mackenzie Skapski from daycare. Can you leave one of my first round picks in the 2040’s as a tip?