TWT #153 –

On June 2nd, 1953, Great Britian held the official Coronation of the Indestructible, Immortal, Unfading, Everlasting, Perpetual Queen Elizabeth who is still somehow as strong as ever at 93.

Now, I have nothing against the Queen, or the royal family as whole. But, my God, this lady will be Queen forever!

Back in 1953, did they know they were crowning the very last monarch Great Britain will ever see?

In 100 years they’ll be writing articles like “Did you know Queens used to pass away, and their crown would be handed down to their children?” and all the kids in History class will be like, “woooow!” because by that time we’ve solved the issue of telomere shortening and people simply live forever, including the Queen who by then really is the permanent monarch.

“Allegations that the Queen is a vampire are definitely not true” – the Brits

The coronation event itself cost the crown £1.57 million in 1953, which in today’s dollars would be approximately $54.8 million. That’s one hell of a party, especially since you’re also kind of celebrating your own fathers death…

Since this was the 1950’s, we literally could not transmit TV feeds across the water. So to ensure that Canadians could watch the event same-day, the Royal Air Force flew film recordings over the ocean to be broadcast by the CBC.

(These were also the very first non-stop flights from the UK to Canadian mainland.)

Anyway, Queen Elizabeth’s rule actually began immediately after her father passed away, nearly a year prior, and she is officially Britain’s longest-ruling monarch. BUT, she still has a ways to go to clinch the title of “World’s longest-ruling monarch”.

Elizabeth: longest-reining British monarch, owner of dope hats

Here’s a list of the 5 monarchs that are currently beating the Queen:

Louis XIV: France – 72 years, 110 days Bhumibol Adulyadej: Thailand – 70 years, 126 days Johann II: Liechtenstein – 70 years, 91 days K’inich Janaab’ Pakal I: Palenque – 68 years, 33 days Franz Joseph I: Austrian Empire – 67 years, 355 days

At just over 67 years of rule, the Queen is pretty close to bumping Franz down a spot, and will knock K’inich down pretty shortly after that.

But until then, I have only one last thing to say: The Queen is Old, Long Live the Queen.

(I really held myself back from peppering this whole story with “Yo Mama is so old…” jokes, but I have to sneak at least one in here, so I chose the most relevant: Yo Queen is so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince!)

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