opinion

Chicks on Right: Sleep tight, America, Obama's got terrorism covered

Last week, CNN reported that one of the five Guantanamo detainees who were released in exchange for Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl may have tried to get back in the terror game from Qatar by reaching out to his terror buddies in Afghanistan.

Now, if you're a person with the tiniest shred of common sense, you could have seen this coming from a million miles away. And given that one of Barack Obama's earliest stated goals when he was campaigning for the presidency was to shut down Guantanamo Bay, the very place from which these five detainees were released, it's obviously not in the best interest of the administration to have these guys running around trying to be all terrorist-y again.

Which explains why Josh Earnest, Obama's press secretary, downplayed the news. He said, "What I can say with confidence is this individual has not returned to the battlefield, this individual is not allowed to travel outside Qatar, and this individual has not engaged in any physical violence."

If Josh Earnest's confidence doesn't reassure you, then you should know that Obama has long maintained that he "received assurances from the Qatari government about the five detainees before their release."

Well, we can all rest easy then. If the Qatari government offered assurances, what could go wrong?

We don't know yet which of the five detainees traded for Bergdahl is suspected of reaching out to terrorist connections. That information may never become public. But listen up, American citizens. You don't need to worry about that, because Obama's people have this under control.

It's not like these five dudes were high-ranking Taliban members before they were captured or anything.

OK, so they were. But still!

It's not like they were tied to al-Qaeda. Unless you count the one who was directly associated with Osama bin Laden.

Plus, it's not like these guys were involved in intelligence or communications activities for the Taliban or that they helped al-Qaeda in any way.

OK, so they did those things, too. But this is no big deal, people. All of you mean conservatives need to stop being so mean about Obama wanting to close Gitmo, because that's mean. And probably racist.

Plus, it's not like nearly 20 percent of detainees released from Gitmo have returned to militant activity or anything.

Ok, so they have. But still!

You guys are mean to think that releasing Taliban members from Gitmo is a bad idea. Shame on you. Those detainees probably had really bad childhoods, and there's nothing a little therapy, yoga or lavender sachets in their pillows can't fix.

Plus, it's not like the Taliban is a terrorist organization or anything. They're an armed insurgency, which, you know, is just an insurgency with arms. That is so totally not the same thing as a terrorist organization, you big meanies.

Sarcasm aside, it's true that the White House is trying to avoid using the word "terrorist" to describe the Taliban. The Obama administration really does prefer to call the Taliban an "armed insurgency."

You know, kind of like how Nidal Hasan committed an act of workplace violence. And how acts of terror are really just man-caused disasters, according to this administration.

Josh Earnest admitted that the Taliban "…do carry out tactics that are akin to terrorism, they do pursue terror attacks in an effort to try to advance their agenda." But he claimed that the Taliban is different than, say, al-Qaeda, because the Taliban has been, for the most part, centralized in Afghanistan, whereas al-Qaeda has "aspirations that extend beyond just the border between Afghanistan and Pakistan."

Because that makes a huge difference, apparently. To this administration, you're only a terrorist organization if you terrorize more than one country. Or something.

Sleep tight, everyone. Obama's got this.

Amy Jo Clark is known as Daisy, and Miriam Weaver as Mockarena. They are authors of "Right for a Reason," write a blog (www.chicksontheright .com) and host the "Chicks on the Right" show on WIBC-FM (93.1), Indianapolis.