On December 14th, 2017, Elon Musk got angry.

The subject of his ire? None other than the most celebrated transit expert in the America, Jarrett Walker. Walker had just issued a scathing (but politely-worded) shakedown of Musk’s tunnel-digging startup, The Boring Company. The Boring Company hadn’t yet built its giant embarrassment of a tunnel in Los Angeles. But it was busy hyping up its “mass transit” solution that promised to shunt single-occupant cars around cities, underground.

What Elon promised in December 2017.

A year before the media caught on to Elon’s shenanigans, Jarrett Walker was on the case. In 2017 he asked Elon: rather than building tunnels designed for elites traveling in single-occupant vehicles…. why not build tunnels for subways instead — which can accommodate 1,000+ people per train??? 🤔

It seemed like a reasonable question. Even the smartest cars in the fanciest tunnels will never be able to transport as many people, as efficiently, as cheaply, as public transit. Granted: It’s not the world’s sexiest argument. Jarrett was making a logical, wonky argument. And he expected only wonks would notice.

But then, he triggered the billionaire beast:

…after which Elon quickly apologized.

…but doubled-down, after a fanboy’s prodding.

It was the first of many gaffes Elon Musk would make in the next twelve months. He’d call a rescue diver a “pedo”. Get sued for fraud. Smoke a poorly-rolled joint with Joe Rogan. And lose his unsupervised tweeting privileges.

But what did I care? I don’t care about celebrity gossip. Unless of course, those celebrities start insulting my heroes. And Elon was insulting both of mine: my transit hero, Jarrett Walker. And my literary hero,

William Fucking Shakespeare.

Elon wasn’t just calling Jarrett an idiot now. Or a “human cat meme”. He started mocking Jarrett’s PhD in Shakespeare Studies — which he got prior to becoming a transit planner.

Worst of all? Elon dismissed the bard as “bad fiction”. What a bastard!

Immediately, I knew I had to strike back. Against Elon. Against his barely-literate techbro sycophants. But how would I get my revenge?

The opportunity wouldn’t come until many months later…