Alright, that’s it, I’m done. I’ve played along and chuckled with all you motherf***ers about Pastor for years now. Yeah, he gets in a lot of incidents. Yeah, his eyebrows are comically bushhy and well connected. Har har har. But I’m f’ing sick of seeing this great driver denigrated over and over, ad nauseum.

Critical thinking and the art of observation are so god damn absent these days. “Oh, why would I need to think, I’ll ask google.” “I don’t need to form my own opinion when the Jalopzabel types can just tell me what to think! Life is so much easier!”

Look, it’s simple. The crashes, the failures, the fires. This is a SPONSORSHIP ISSUE. If certain “Sponsors” would stop dumping money into this team, their influence would evaporate and Pastor would be allowed to really race and give Merc a run for their money.

Viral marketing is so 2010, the days of SUBLIMINAL ADVERTISING have returned, and you’re all too god damn blind to see it, chuckling like simpletons at YouTube compilations of talented race car drivers having their careers destroyed by the insideous new wave of supercapitalism and overconsumption.

Look at this image. If you ignore the arrows and circles what do you see?

LOL PASTER CRARSHED AGAIN I BETTUR GO TO HASAPASTAALFREDOCRUSHEDTODAY.COM AND MAEK SURE ITS UPDATERED HUR HUR HRU

Now look more closely... What terms do you see PAINTED ON THE VERY CAR PASTOR DRIVES that are related to crashing... I’m not talking about PDVSA... I’m talking about TOTAL, as in “you totaled the car!” BURN as in “His engine blew up and burned!” MICROSOFT as in “Ha, Windows crashed again” (not to mention that Lotus’ steering wheel interface uses Microsoft Sync, that alone can account for about half of the crashes). Symantec “Oh, my computer got a virus and crashed because I didn’t install that Symantec hoody doo.”

It’s PAINTED ON THE CAR IN PLAIN SIGHT.

Alright so while you go wipe the drool off your chin while this sinks in, you’ll start to wonder “How would this work? Why would seeing Pastor crash make me want to eat cardboard flavored cereal?” (EDIT: turns out Total makes lube or something, my bad). That’s the subliminal part of it, you’re not consciously making the connection, but it’s getting seared into your mind every time Pastor crashes or blows up an engine (which is off the charts, statistically!). Every time Pastor crashes, a certain % of you sheeple go BUY BUY BUY. I NEED THE NEW WINDOWS 95 or I NEED THE ENERGY DRINK THAT MAKES IT HURT WHEN I PEE. When you go to the circuit city needing a new anti-virus program and you’re given all those different options, your eyes will catch Symantec on the box and you’ll be brought back to the delightful moment Pastor last crashed, and chuckle and drool all the way to the cash register, Symantec product in hand.

This has to stoP!

WAKE UP!