When I read that Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban will not allow his abysmal 3-13 basketball team to succumb to the darkness and tank for better odds in the draft lottery, I clutched my imaginary pearls in horror. No team is too good to tank. If the Lakers could do it for three seasons and the Celtics could let their aging championship core stroll up the interstate to Brooklyn, why are the Mavericks of all teams so snooty about it?

I understand that tanking a professional sports team is considered a social faux pas akin to manspreading on the subway or clipping your fingernails in the waiting room at the DMV. I even accept that some people think tanking is an old trend that the new generation of NBA executives see as quaint, like a 12-year-old watching a planking video.

You cannot deny that tanking works, though. Examples are littered throughout the league. The Lakers have one of the most intriguing young cores in the league because of their very sly tank/Kobe farewell combo meal, plus the late-round wizardry that brought them Jordan Clarkson and Larry Nance Jr. The Celtics, for all their weird draft pick hoarding and inability to draw a superstar via free agency (no, Al Horford is not a superstar), refused to let nostalgia for 2008 prevent them from rebuilding. Never forget that the most consistent, enviable franchise in the league, the San Antonio Spurs, were built from the ashes of an epic one-season tank that allowed them to draft Tim Duncan.

From a fan’s perspective, tanking can be traumatic. When you root for a bad team, the only thing that can get you to the arena is when your racist owner starts giving away tickets. Think of the post-tank glory, though. The city of Los Angeles loves the baby Lakers more than, well, their own babies. The Sixers are still pretty awful, but even the glimmer of hope that is Joel Embiid has encouraged full-throated “Trust the Process” chants at Philly home games. Would you rather be the Atlanta Hawks — a decent team with a clear ceiling for success — or the Minnesota Timberwolves that built through the draft and now has a player in Karl-Anthony Towns who may be the best big man of his generation (and the last one)?

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Of course, you can also totally screw up your tank by such unfortunate twists of fate as injuries, a tough schedule, or simply being the New Orleans Pelicans. Also, tanking is the pro sports version of the obnoxious seduction technique known as negging. If you are lucky enough to be unfamiliar with negging, it’s the act of destroying a woman’s self-esteem through insults so that they somehow find you more attractive. No, it doesn’t make sense, but the NBA version does. As a Laker fan, I’ve been negged by Jim Buss for half a decade. First, he signs the ultimate bad boyfriend in Dwight Howard — doesn’t take anything seriously, can’t get along with your friends, and laughs at his own jokes way too much. Then, when that goes horribly wrong, he apologizes and promises that he’ll change his ways. He’s going to make it right, and if he doesn’t, he’ll leave. Then, things get so bad, so untenable, and so embarrassing, that your vision goes all blurry and you think maybe Roy Hibbert and Brandon Bass are a serviceable front court. Oh, no. My head’s spinning. I don’t even know what to believe anymore. My whole spirit has been crushed.

But wait! Luke Walton is the coach now. Also, here’s Brandon Ingram! How about a rejuvenated Nick Young? Yes, please. Four years and $64m for Timofey Mozgov suddenly doesn’t seem so bad. The bar was set so low for so long that starting the season 9-9 feels like one of that dumb commercial where the parents wake up on Christmas Day and find a giant Mercedes SUV in their driveway. It almost makes you forget about Dwight Howard ...

Superman has left the building (but not before threatening a fan)

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Dwight Howard prepares to meet the fans. Photograph: Mark J Terrill/AP

...or not. After an emphatic loss to a Lakers team missing D’Angelo Russell and Julius Randle, Howard got into a verbal altercation with an LA fan on his way through the Staples Center tunnel. Video of the incident surfaced after Howard boasted to the media about how he doesn’t allow the heckles of Laker fans to bother him. “I closed my ears,” he told reporters after the 109-92 loss. He must have opened them for at least a second so that he could politely offer a lucky spectator an exclusive, up-close look at his fists.

I’m not sure who I feel worse for: Howard or the Lakers fans who haven’t gotten over 2012 yet. On the one hand, Howard has suffered diminished expectations, a chorus of criticism from ex-players and media personalities, numerous injuries, and another notable issue with a superstar shooting guard — in this case, trade out Kobe Bryant for James Harden. Then again, Lakers fans have had to accept Howard picking Houston over them. I have to go with Dwight having a harder time post-divorce, though. It’s a bit weird that fans of a franchise with 16 NBA championships even have the energy to boo him.

Bradley Beal finally chokes out something other than the Wizards’ team chemistry

I have even more empathy for Wizards guard Bradley Beal. Granted, I recently called him a “scrublord” on my podcast and am convinced that the Wizards need to trade him as soon as they can find someone desperate enough for shooting (*cough* Mavericks *cough*) that they’ll take an injury-prone guy like Beal. Still, it’s never fun to watch a player who shows flashes of brilliance, then either gets hurt or does something truly insane like grabbing Evan Fournier by the throat. That might have been fine in the NBA of the 1970s or 1980s, but the 2016 association frowns on such behavior.

Though, they don’t frown that much, since they fined Beal a mere $15,000, which for a professional basketball player is the equivalent of paying for one team meal, minus gratuity. He didn’t even get suspended, allowing him to drop 31 points and six rebounds in a 101-95 overtime victory over the Sacramento Kings on Monday night. He also made seven of his 13 three-point attempts in that game, which, again, would look mighty fine for a Dallas team that is currently 29th in three-point percentage and absolute dead-last in points per game at a miserable 91.5-point average. The Mavs don’t have a ton of trade assets, unless they can dupe someone into taking Wes Matthews’ 2018 player option or Deron Williams’ expiring, plus their first-round pick, but if they’re serious about not tanking (even if they should) they need to consider making a move.

Who better to get now than a player like Beal, who may really blossom away from his frenemy, John Wall? They claimed to have squashed their beef and moved on but you know who else was adamant about not feuding behind the scenes? Oh yeah, Kobe and Howard. That turned out well, didn’t it? Whatever the Mavericks do, I just hope they go all-in. Being bad by accident is no more noble than being bad on purpose. I never thought I’d say this, but more teams need to listen to Jim Buss.