Nick Hewer takes over hosting duties at Countdown this afternoon. Join me from 3.10pm for vowels, consonants and withering looks from Lord Sugar's former right-hand man

Good afternoon daytime television fans. Welcome to the first and - let's not get our hopes up - probably only Guardian Countdown liveblog. Why is a humdrum long-running afternoon gameshow like Countdown being given the prestigious liveblog treatment? Simple: Nick Hewer.

Until now we've only seen Nick on The Apprentice, where he plays the withering Bebop figure to Alan Sugar's belligerent Shredder. But Countdown marks Hewer's first shot at breaking out on his own. Will he be as sniffily erudite as he is on The Apprentice, or will this afternoon act as the unveiling of a cuddly new persona? More importantly, after so many interim hosts who have been happy just to sit back and slowly decompose until their contracts run out, will Nick find himself heralded as the worthy successor to dear old Richard Whiteley? One thing's for sure - until Margaret Mountford gets a gig presenting Loose Women, this is probably as good as it gets.

Countdown - and my increasingly confused attempts to liveblog it - will begin at 3:10. If you happen to be watching and reading along, do say hello because I'll probably need all the help I can get. If all goes well, we'll emerge from the other side with a rekindled love for Countdown, a profound respect for Hewer's presenting skills and a confusing desire to purchase a walk-in bath. See you back here soon.

3.05pm: OK! Dreary old Channel Four western out of the way. Now it's time for COUNTDOWN. But first, a promo for The Reader. Good work, Channel Four, keep it nice and light.

3.10pm: And we're off. Thankfully the Countdown theme tune has remained intact. Part of me worried that Hewer's arrival would coincide with some sort of horrible dubstep remix.

3.12pm: Crikey. Nick's really selling himself here. He's directly addressing the audience at home, promising that he'll do his best to follow in Richard Whiteley's footsteps. It's like the end of The Apprentice where Alan Sugar forces the candidates to beg for a job. Only this time, we're on the other side of the desk. How do you like them apples, Hewer? Huh?

3.14pm: So far so good. Hewer's described Rachel Riley - or Fauxderman, for the newcomers - as 'winsome', and Susie Dent as 'toothsome'. Because her surname is Dent, you see? Clearly we're operating on an intellectual plane that Des O'Conner could never hope to match. For the sake of completion, the guest in Dictionary Corner is Paul Zenon, who you may remember from the early 1990s.

3.20pm: For a snoozy show sponsored by osteoperosis pills, Countdown's actually clipping along at a fair old pace. In the letters round, staid spectacle-wearing contestant managed to get 'Drawled' from DELAWERAD, whereas his opponent - a plucky young student Jack - tried and failed with 'Wealder'. Jack knew that his choice was a controversial one, because he told Nick that his was a "dodgy seven". Nick's disdain at hearing this was palpable. This is exactly what I was hoping would happen.

3.26pm: Now it's time for Paul Zenon to do his amusing magic shtick. He's using Nick as his assistant - allowing for an easy "I know a thing or two about apprentices" laugh - in a trick about an invisible pack of cards. This lighthearted whimsy doesn't seem like it should sit particularly well with Nick - if he was watching two gobby consultants do this on his old show, his displeasure would have curdled everything in sight - but he seems especially eager to please at the moment, so he joined in gamely. Hopefully in a few weeks he'll be confident enough to tell the likes of Zenon to sit down and jolly well start acting their age. God knows they need to be told.

3.27pm: Watching Countdown has opened me up to a whole new world of advertising. Ronnie Corbett is the face of Meals On Wheels. Who knew?

3.29pm: The answer to the Teatime Teaser was 'Showtime'. Again, that's 'Showtime'.

3.31pm: In terms of scores, this episode is dangerously close. Jack's youthful abandon and willingness to take risks initially set him back, but he leapt into the lead by gambling on three big numbers in the number round. His daringness certainly scored well with Rachel Riley, who squealed with delight at his devil may care bravery, but will his disregard of the show's conventions sit well with its target audience?

3.35pm: So far, I think my favourite thing about Nick Hewer's Countdown tenure is the liberal use of his swivel chair's tilt facility. Whiteley, O'Connor and Stelling were all very much upright presenters, with only Lynam daring to lean back on special occasions. But Hewer hasn't had a straight back since his opening monologue. He's constantly leaning back with his fingers steepled together, trying to get the measure of his contestants. In Countdown terms, he is the very personification of danger.

3.36pm: Jack just went for broke and scored eight points with 'Trannies'. Jack, and Jack's prematurely sensible haircut, are punk rock.

3.39pm: Susie Dent just explained the history of Morse code to Nick. And Nick countered with an anecdote about a friend of his who used to work at Bletchley Park. Imagine Des Lynam doing that. He'd have been lost, wouldn't he? He'd have panicked and started to link some sort of regional badminton tournament. And then wiggled his eyebrows a bit. It would have been rubbish.

3.42pm: Even Nick has stopped being unbiased now. He just told Jack - who is now storming into the lead - that he should study accountancy instead of criminology. Poor Brian didn't even get a look-in. I'd be surprised if Nick can even remember his name at this point. Nick Hewer doesn't have time for yesterday's men.

3.43pm: Also, Countdown is apparently where they advertise J. Edgar - a film I can no longer see advertised without imagining that Leonardo DiCaprio is constantly and involuntarily breathing in someone else's fart. I just thought I should tell you that.

3.45pm: The solution to the second Teatime Teaser is 'Netizens'. Nick Hewer hates this word INTENSELY. He's instructed all of Countdown's audience to wipe it out of use completely. "Any more of this nonsense", his eyes seemed to be saying, "and you're for the high jump, Susie Dent. I'm the daddy now, Susie Dent. I'm the daddy now."

3.48pm: Jack has 72 points. Brian only has 44. He can pull it back, but the chances of this happening are slim at best. Jack now has the cocky demeanour of a young Sinatra. Rachel Riley is basically eating out of his hands. She even used the letters to spell out 'Trannies' for him. Poor Brian - who just scored four on a letters round and all but had his face torn off by a furious Hewer - looks set to go home carrying his dreams of what could have been in a tattered Aldi bag. Truth be told, his downfall is rather distressing to witness.

3.50pm: Nick just said to Jack "You're a powerful man." You hear that, Brian? Nick Hewer only deals with winners.

3.52pm: Now it's time for the moment you've all been waiting for - the Conundrum. The letters were FLUENTLIP. The answer was PLENTIFUL. Jack got there in about a nanosecond. Remember Jack's name. We'll all be shuffling to work under a giant statue of his image soon enough.

3.53pm: Jack wins, Nick trolls for compliments and then orders everyone to tune in tomorrow. And that's that.

I think Nick actually handled himself really rather well. He was a bit hesitant in places, but Countdown now undeniably has a mischevious spark that has been missing for years. Give him a few weeks to get the lay of the land and we might have something worth watching on our hands again.

I'm going now, because even I'm not deranged enough to try and liveblog Deal Or No Deal, but if you want to follow me on Twitter I'm @StuHeritage. And if you all behave yourselves, I'll liveblog Cash In The Attic next.