Close: Noomi Rapace stars as the only bright spot in this low budget, made for TV, attempt at “Why can’t women be action stars too?”. Which is a solid premise. I loved Atomic Blonde, and I am a sucker for women ass-kicking flicks, unfortunately, this is a dumpster fire after the first five minutes. I am assuming the entire budget was used on the opening action sequence. The “acting (cough cough) talent” around Noomi is laughable. In particular, Sophie Nélisse’s millennial take on acting. If Noomi got a pay day for this regurgitated, unoriginal, made-for-lifetime pile of crap…good for her. Look, you’re going to watch it. You’re high, you’re bored and there is nothing else on, so proceed with low expectations. Me, personally, I would like my hour and half back of my life.

IO: Well, if you were looking for a cheer up after the last review, you’re in for a disappointment. The money for this project went into the preview. You will able to dictate the entire film from the 15 minute mark. Imagine if the sci-fi channel ran out of money and let the interns make a movie after paying someone talented to come up with a premise. Anthony Mackie, (shittiest MCU hero) plays mostly a confused guy trying to figure out why he agreed to be in this film. Danny Huston (shittiest bad guy in MCU) appears for a bit as the father of Margaret Qualley character “Sam”. A lonely planet survivor that I wish hadn’t. Sci-fans wills rip this apart. The Adam and Eve-ish love story is dull and predictable. So the only people left to enjoy this movie is, the yet again: “I am stoned, I am bored, and I guess this is a bit better than watching paint dry” crowd.

Velvet Buzzsaw: This is the best of the bunch. It is witty, sarcastic and well played by my man crush

Jake Gyllenhaal. He will, in my opinion, go down in movie history as one of the best actors of our generation. It’s hard to imagine Donny Darco, Nightcrawler, or Source Code played by any other actor. (Also I highly recommend all three, if you have been living under a rock or just figured out what movies are.) JG carries this movie as well, his character, by far is the best thing about the movie. The movie diverges from a satire of the art world to a semi-serious horror genre which can feel campy. I would have preferred making fun of the art world for the full length. Overall the comedy, acting and the need for someone to make fun of the art world was amusing. Don’t expect Oscars but out of the drivel that is netflix original movies, this takes priority.

Hold the Dark: Starring Jeffrey Wright, Alexander Skarsgård, James Badge Dale, Riley Keough, Tantoo Cardinal, and Julian Black Antelope. The cast is phenomenal and the original book by Jeremy Saulnier received praise. I have mixed feeling here. The story is set in the Alaska frontier and starts with children disappearing and the suspect is a wolf pack. The pace is a bit slow but the mystery shrouding the tale peaks curiosity. The action is sparse but intense. The mixed feelings come from the telling of the story and direction. At times it is hard to understand who the story is following. Some of the key elements are forgotten half way through and the story evolves but does not explain. Skarsgards character is pretty impressive but we lack to see what his motivation really is. The ending will surprise you. Its subtle and sparks discussion but it is there. If this wasn’t spoiler free, I would love to dive into a debate. This is worth watching and at the least, will leave you with questions you can discuss with your cat. One free spoiler: no wolves are harmed, just a career or two.

For an older movie you may have missed, watch The Jacket with Adrian Brody. It is one my favorite unknown movies. Part sci-fi (with a unique viewpoint), part love story with Keira Knightly. It is a great watch.

That’s your homework. There will be a quiz.