PATRIOTS (-11.5) over Jets

The case for the Jets: Last week New England barely beat Buffalo, a team that’s currently GETTING three points at home in Week 2 against Ron Rivera and Mike Shula the Pats are missing their three best receivers from last year’s team, as well as their best receiver from this year’s team and their best all-around running back the Pats have a no. 1 receiver this week who was targeted 14 times in Week 1 and somehow caught only four passes there’s a chance Rex Ryan just says “fuck it” and blitzes Tom Brady every single down until he’s carried off the field the overwhelming possibility of one of those ghastly, low-scoring, totally disjointed Thursday-night games with a deader-than-dead crowd and a frustrated Mike Mayock saying things like “These offenses just can’t get into any rhythm” and “Both of these teams look SO sluggish to me” (playing into the Jets’ hands) Geno Smith doing a couple of Good Geno Smith things the frightening possibility of a SportsCenter anchor at 1 a.m. saying, “Who would have thought the NEW YORK JETS would be 2-0 and leading the AFC East right now????”

The case for the Pats: Brady and Bill Belichick in a night game Geno Smith doing a couple of Bad Geno Smith things nobody in your fantasy league is starting a single Jet this week (and if they are, the owner is probably 15 years old or younger) you needed one more fantasy running back for your bench, checked out Bilal Powell on the waiver wire for about 45 seconds, then said to yourself, “Nahhhhhhh ” Sunday’s comeback win roped Jets fans into being secretly intrigued by this team and maybe even having a few internal If the Pats suck this year, maybe we could go 9-7 and win the division! thoughts (even if they’d never admit it out loud), which never ends well for them anytime New England’s crowd feels dead, they’ll just show the Butt Fumble on the video screen again you’d feel 10 times dumber picking the Jets and getting burned than you would picking the Pats and getting burned Geno Smith on the road for a second time, Geno Smith on the road and one last time, Geno Smith on the road.

The pick: I don’t like it, I don’t feel good about it but I can’t take Geno on the road, especially when Gino (different spelling, but still) has been the video victory cigar for the Celtics since 2008. I think New England’s defense will cover this one by itself. Also, I’m a gigantic homer. Patriots 23, Jets 6.

Without further ado, the Half-Assed Power Poll for Week 2.

WEEK 2

THE ROD MARINELLI DIVISION

32. Jacksonville, 0-1

31. Oakland, 0-1

THE ROMEO CRENNEL DIVISION

30. Tampa Bay, 0-1

29. New York Jets, 1-0

28. San Diego, 0-1

THE HEADLESS HORSEMEN

27. Cleveland, 0-1

26. Minnesota, 0-1

SEMISONIC’S ENCORE SONG

25. Pittsburgh, 0-1

COMPETITIVELY FORGETTABLE

24. Arizona, 0-1

23. Buffalo, 0-1

22. Washington, 0-1

21. St. Louis, 1-0

DEAD MAN WALKING

20. Carolina, 0-1

THE REGRESSER

19. Indianapolis, 1-0

NOBODY BELIEVES IN US

18. Baltimore, 0-1

17. New York Giants, 0-1

A STRONG WHIFF OF FRISKINESS

16. Philadelphia, 1-0

THE KARDASHIANS

15. Dallas, 1-0

THE WILD-CARD SLEEPERS

14. Miami, 1-0

13. Tennessee, 1-0

THE NOT-REALLY SLEEPER

12. Kansas City, 1-0

THE LEGITIMATE SLEEPER

11. The Lions of Detroit, 1-0

LINGERING

10. Cincinnati, 0-1

9. Chicago, 1-0

THE FANTASY GODS

8. Atlanta, 0-1

7. New Orleans, 1-0

HOVERING

6. New England, 1-0

5. Houston, 1-0

4. Green Bay, 0-1

THE CONTENDERS

3. San Francisco, 1-0

2. Denver, 1-0

THE FAVORITE

1. Seattle, 1-0