Leftytgirl is absolutely on point with her critique of the no-win situation trans women are placed in by the demand for “disclosure” on their part:

So we see that what’s happening in these situations: there is an unresolved tension between the imagination of a cissexist society that heterosexual, cis men are only attracted to cis women, and the real-world fact that heterosexual, cis male sexual attraction to trans women is far from an uncommon phenomenon. Given that this larger cissexist imagination often emerges from voices with greater power in society, that tension tends to be resolved by assuming that such attraction never happens, and that even if it does, it is the just the result of some “deceptive tr*nny,” who probably deserves whatever violent “retribution” she receives— even in the case that this violence was never retributive in the first place. Now, this isn’t to say that there are not instances in which a cis man does discover a woman’s trans status “in the moment,” then reacts in a violent manner. But this is to say, first of all, that the “disclosure” myth hands this man respect and power that he does not deserve, in the form of a ready-made, socially palatable alibi for violence against a woman with whom he willingly decided to engage in sexual relations. And secondly, given that this hypothetical cis man is indeed attracted to a trans woman, we cannot allow ourselves to buy into the cissexist imagination that she has somehow “disrespected” him merely by accepting or encouraging his very real sexual desires. The fact is that regardless of what this man likes to imagine about himself, or what any of us might be inclined to tell ourselves, he is indeed attracted to a trans woman. That is an undeniable fact, and there’s no manner of obsessing, or fidgeting over it, and certainly no amount of blood splattered across the wall that is going to change that. So from the point that the man realizes that he is in fact attracted to a trans woman, he has two choices: get up and leave the room if he so desires, or else get the fuck over it.

By legitimizing the idea that violence is an acceptable response to finding out that someone is trans – whether before, during or after any physical contact, even while you’re sexually assaulting them, and even if you already knew well ahead of time that they were trans – and then accusing trans people of “deception” if they don’t offer this information, society has taken all of the responsibility for cis people’s brutal, prejudiced, plainly unacceptable reactions to trans people, and shifted it to trans people themselves.

We’re to blame for their attraction to us. We’re to blame for our existence ensuring that they can no longer rightfully believe that all the women they’re attracted to aren’t trans. We’re to blame for their discomfort at the disconnect between what they believe their desires to be, and what those desires actually are. We’re to blame for the violence they inflict on us when they come face-to-face with their own internal dissonance. And even if they’re only faced with this realization after the fact, we’re still to blame for the supposed “trauma” they might somehow suffer from the oh-so-terrible discovery that one of their past partners was trans.

We’re to blame for the actions of people who can become so “panicked” at someone’s mere existence that their first reaction is to harass, beat or kill that person. And we’re to blame for hurting their fragile feelings when we upend an assumption they shouldn’t have held in the first place – an assumption which their own actions directly contradict.

Think about whose problem this really is. Don’t make it ours.