HomeStory Pool Party: A HomeStory VII preview

Let's be honest - it's really, really hot outside. Even pale nerds who rarely see the light of day are suffering and not even the upcoming guaranteed fun of HomeStory Cup VII can help, just because it's essentially more pale nerds who are, however, paid to play StarCraft, enjoy readily presented food and cold beverages and get the chance to earn a lot of money while not doing much heavy work. Does this quirky reincarnation of the tournament help us in any way? Not at all, but at least it's about water and swimming and freshness and imagining MC in a swim suit so let's just jump right in and see who's who at the HSC VII Pool Party.

The kids

We're not talking about young humans here. We're talking about those that might get in way over there heads but find a way out just create a huge splash. Mana: MaNa is weird sometimes. As he stands on the springboard, that lanky kid, you often don't know what to expect. You have seen him do somersaults before but the next time he hit the water ass first. This can be a 10 points performance, but at the same time it can hurt very badly. Dayshi: The new, popular kid in town. Parents like to have him over for dinner, he has the latest video games, girls think they won't get the coochies from him and the teachers think he might go very far one day. Most of the buzz is created by those who look up to him. Bunny: "Look at me! Look at me!" he stands there, waiting for his big jump. Everyone think he'll break his neck but they don't seem to realize the merit he's acquired. He's beaten Bly to be able stand here as well as the current hero of the day, Stardust. DIMAGA: Who's that big intimidating Ukrainian guy, you ask? It's DIMAGA and he's not scary at all. That man is just a presence himself. He'll swim a lot, he'll probably drink a lot and have an all around good time. And everyone else will be just as delighted to watch him have a good time.

The parents

They're standing by the sidelines, making sure everything is in order and the old hierarchy remains intact. They are not impressed by the youngsters but still want to prove that there's still spunk in them. Socke: You can tell from his tone alone that he has seen too much to be shaken by any of the tricks these young ones do. He has been there before and he can tell the tale. Nothing is personal with him because he gives very few damns. HasuObs: HasuObs has been with the same team since 2004, which in eSports time is roughly the duration of the Roman Empire. And like the Roman Empire he has seen kings fall and new ones rise. But he was always close to the top. GoOdy: When the pump of the pool blows a fuse, you know who to call. It's GoOdy of course, the tech-savvy dad who majored in mechanical engineering, minored in ass-whoops and takes care of the cars, the vans and the tanks. Like any graduate, however, he forgot a lot about his minor lately and unless he takes a refresher course, he'll have to rely on his mech army alone. Ret: He is one of the lucky few that have heard their calling early on and followed it incessantly. Unsure whether a curse or a blessing, his calling of building endless amount of drones have brought as many victories as losses but especially lately tends to bite him in the butt.

The tanners

These guys are not here to stir up trouble per se. Sure, winning is fine and all, but why don't we all just take a step back and calm down?

Stephano: Although he was (and technically still is, at least to WCS standards) the strongest player outside of Korea, Stephano is much more a “tanner” than a “professional”. Stephano glides through the world of StarCraft, playing and winning in the process without giving much f*** about anything and that makes him so much more distinct than other “tanners”. Sadly, he’ll be leaving the pool parties soon, as there are more important stuff in life than hanging around with nerds all the time, apparently. Hendralisk: Hendralisk is at the pool party by the power of the NA face-control and although he managed to upset Polt there, nobody really expects anything from him other than just lying around, chilling and enjoying life (like a Canadian would). State: State is not really sure what he's doing here. Like IPL 2, he kinda just stumbled into the scene to his own surprise. So he looks around, finds an empty spot on the grass and asks the others: "Anyone sitting here?" "Nope, Catz couldn't come, he has to build a house in California."

The pushers and bullies

The pushers and bullies have come to the party to ruin other peoples’ good times. In the world of StarCraft 2 they’re not entirely bad, however – they’re mostly cool kids who just want to sjow they still matter. Harstem: Having always stood in the shadows of Grubby and Ret, Harstem has the burning desire to establish himself as the #1 Dutch player so he picks fights with the biggest kids at the pool. This time around, he’s challenged two Koreans and TLO so he might ended up losing a tooth or two, though… BabyKnight: BabyKnight is the bully that came from the close-by neighborhood where kids only fight five against five and is now trying to apply these habits to his new area of residency. He’s establishing presence very quickly, too, and a lot of the local kids have already suffered severe beatings. Happy: Happy is bringing along his ridiculous TvZ and TvP win percentages to the party and is ready to make the big names cry. And big names there are, Stephano, MC, TLO, Seed and HyuN among the few, the first of whom is also in the same group as the Russian lad. Xlord: Xlord will rarely actually punch everybody (although he tends to go a bit wild around Christmas) but he will talk a lot of shit and wear shades for extra seriousness and bad-assery. He’ll probably get kicked in the balls eventually, though. HyuN: HyuN is the kid that started training MMA (BroodWar) when he was young and is now everywhere, smacking people left and right and taking their lunch Playhem money. Occasionally, he’s been known to visit an illegal club of a brand already non-existent but he’s not really allowed to talk about it. Goswser: Until recently, this guy used to be the anti-bully bully. He’d see someone big, approach him and slap him hard behind the neck without any regrets. Additionally, not only does he have the strength to attack you hard and fast, but also the endurance of fighting for hours and hours, and even have you punched in the nuts by yourself.

The bar hogs

The bar hogs are here just for the fun, the burgers and the cocktails. They might dip their toe occasionally and even flex their muscles for everybody to see but that’s not their primary goal. They mostly want to entertain or be entertained. MC: If a few years ago MC was the stone cold killer that nobody would want at their party, he’s not the chubby guy that will always be the soul of any gathering. He will act goofy, talk smack with hilarious Engrish and dance the weirdest, most inappropriate dances. He might or might not win but the best part is – no one will care. Fuzer: Last HomeStory Cup, he dressed as Santa Claus and earned the nickname Finnish Mario. To keep his renome, he’ll probably be the guy wearing a goofy dinosaur costume, selling candies to the kids while waggling clumsily as he walks around the pool. Dragon: Even bigger party troll than MC, Dragon likes to make fun of people in every possible way while wearing bikini (which is so very suitable for the metaphor of this article and the July temperatures). He’ll probably be in a Borat swim suit this time around. MorroW: Supposedly, he’s arriving at Krefeld with the sole purpose of announcing his new private sponsorship. Rumor has it that it won’t be a supermarket chain this time.

The professionals



They are the guys who are in it to win it. They swim better than everybody else and everyone aspires to be like them. Partying means little to them, it’s the absolute triumph over everybody else they desire. Seed: He’s a GSL champion from the winningest roster in South Korea, he can’t be anything else but a professional. He’s always very concentrated, except when he wins. When he wins, he roars and splatters water around. PandaTank: Don’t be fooled by the fact that PandaTank hasn’t won anything yet. He’s actually an official bearer of the Protea Colours for StarCraft II, which is a title appointed by the South African government to all who officially represent the country as sportsmen. While in this case, no offense, it has more of a “Jamaican bobsled team”-feel to it, the act itself is impressive to say the least. ThorZaIN: Although he’s looking very young to be a professional, ThorZaIN is Swedish which means he treats eSports as serious business. The vanilla aura around him guarantees that he will also not go on mad drinking spree or indulgences in lust like some of his team-mates (allegedly, of course!), but will put all his attention to playing and winning. Kas: Nobody works harder than this guy. He probably swims an ocean a day just to keep form for the pool party, regardless of if he will become the star of it or not. Still, If he instead built wells in Africa, my estimations conclude that the entire continent would be turned into one pool by 2015. Taeja: In 2012, Taeja used to be the guy who, with HerO’s help, devoted his life to the company which hired him and carried it to international successes. He’s a bit fallen from grace since his heydays but his determination is still as strong. Snute: The swimmer with unparalleled work ethic who was once spotted to play two online tournaments at the same time while waiting for his premier tournament match to begin. Which in pool party jargon translates as practicing his butterfly style while going to the toilet. TLO: TLO is that professional sportsman that will combine hard practice with exotic mediation stuff like some sort of a samurai or an eSports ninja. At the pool party, he’s the guy stretching for half hour before going into the water only so he can perform the most exquisite of water jumps that will undoubtedly impress everyone.

The lifeguards