BUFFALO, NY—Expressing concern that his true calling isn’t flying a big rocket ship to Mars, local 6-year-old Kevin Trainor told reporters Friday he hopes it’s not too late to shift career paths from astronaut to firefighter. “My real passion is making the fire truck’s siren go ‘Woo woo,’ but I’ve spent half my life reading picture books about the planets and making drawings of Moon aliens,” said Trainor, adding that he doesn’t want to be stuck with a dead-end job like NASA astronaut because of a decision he made when he was only four. “Everything changed when I saw a man lift the big hose and spray a house that got caughted [sic] on fire. Something clicked in my head that day. I realized, ‘I wanna make scary fire go away, too.’ Oh, God, how do I tell Mommy? How do I tell the friends I do pretend space fights with? I already gave up zookeeper and being Batman—I can’t fathom going through it again. I’m coming up on six-and-three-quarters. I’m not that young anymore.” At press time, Trainor resolved to be a firefighter-astronaut.

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