As I watched the tape of Donald Trump joking about sexually assaulting women, there were multiple moments that disgusted me, but only one that literally turned my stomach. It wasn’t when the Republican presidential nominee talked about trying to “fuck” a woman who wasn’t interested, or made a joke about her “big phony tits”. It wasn’t when he said that famous men can do anything to women, even “grab them by the pussy”. The moment that literally nauseated me came later, when Trump knew he was being taped.

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After Access Hollywood host Billy Bush and Trump spend a few minutes making lascivious comments about actor Arianne Zucker, they meet the woman they were just objectifying. The woman that Trump – who has just taken some Tic Tacs “just in case I start kissing her” – called “it”.

“How about a little hug for the Donald?” Bush says, smiling. He then asks for his own embrace.

In that moment, Bush and Trump are in on a joke and Zucker is the punchline.

It’s painful to watch not just because Zucker doesn’t know what was said about her, but because this is what women are afraid of. That the men we know, the men we work with – or even love – say horrible things about us. That despite assurances that they respect us and consider us equals, men are secretly winking behind our back. That we are not really people to them, but things.

When women watch that interaction between Trump, Bush and Zucker, they’ll think of the countless times they walked up to a group of jovial men in mid-conversation and felt something in the pit of their stomach. They’ll wonder if their sneaking suspicion was right all along – that they were on the outside, that they were the joke.

Trump says that this is “locker room banter”. Claiming that all men talk like this behind closed doors is his way of normalizing what he did and what he said. It’s a sentiment I’ve heard used in Trump’s defense quite a bit since yesterday. But whatever happened to “not all men”?

If we want to believe – as we should – that sexism is aberrant behavior in men, then we can’t excuse what’s on this tape as commonplace. Sexually assaulting women is not normal, if even if it is routine. And as familiar as that stomach-churning interaction is to women, it’s also one we won’t accept as our lot in life.

That’s why Trump won’t recover from this tape. Too many of us have been groped and commented on, joked about and made to feel small. Even Trump’s non-apology is something we’ve seen before – we know the look of someone who has gotten caught doing something that they don’t at all feel badly about. We know the look of someone who has little regard for women. We’ve seen that look, we’ve heard these insults, our entire lives. They’re a part of who we are.

And on 8 November, Trump will find out just how tired we are of it.