, by Building Rubble





Everyone loves cheese pizza. Disgustingly-delicious grease slathered on top of melted cheese over a layer of murdered tomatoes slapped on a piece of what used to be wheat and thrown in the oven somehow creates a flavor sensation so magical it got a letter from Hogwarts. Even vegans would agree that this conglomeration of dairy, bread, and blended vegetables is the most wonderful food in the world. This may be true, but is it the best thing ever invented in general? Who's to say? Here's a list of things I think might have cheese pizza beat.1. Pepperoni Pizza - The rule of thumb is generally that more is better than less. So why not amplify the deliciousness of the cheese pizza by placing precooked circles of ground up animal flesh on top of the already wondrous cheese? Maybe make a smiley face if you're feeling like you need to brighten someones day. Or make an apologetic face if your best friend beat you in Call of Duty and you threatened to kill his mother with the macaroni art picture he made for her in kindergarten while simultaneously teaching his younger sibling that red is actually green so that she is a social outcast from the moment she starts to attend school.2. Robots - Pretty much nothing is cooler than a mindless android doing your menial tasks like homework, cleaning the house, and answering the door when the delivery guy arrives with your cheese pizza. Right now, robots are pretty simple so we have nothing to worry about if one breaks or tries to take over the world. We just yank the batteries out of its silly little head, yell some profanity at it, and leave the poor hunk of metal to be recycled like the soda can it is. These facts make robots better than cheese pizza, but when they get advanced enough to actually take over the world they may get knocked down a few notches.3. Nutella - Do I even need to explain this one? It's a chocolaty, hazelnutty spread that the snack gods have sent down to grace the taste buds of mortals. Angels sing as it floats down onto the shelves of grocery stores with its feathered wings slowly flapping as a soft light plays off of its label. What more could you possibly want?4. Cameras - Where would your family vacation be without 300 meaningless photos of something you thought was pretty and then realized it wasn't all that great? What would help us to capture memories of events that no one in the photograph is truly enjoying? How would people beg for comments on Facebook by captioning their pictures with "I'm so fat," despite the fact that they are perfectly healthy?5. Sarcasm - Nothing lets an idiot know they're an idiot asking idiotic questions like an idiot than sarcastically posing as an idiot to make the idiot feel idiotic. With all the idiots in the world, it's really just wonderful that we have sarcasm. While it doesn't really translate through the written word, sarcasm has scathed enough people verbally to make it on to this list. For example, when someone says to you "Hey, are you really going to eat all seven of those large cheese pizzas with extra cheese and extra large?" you can sarcastically respond with, "No of course not. I'm going to let these glorious, majestic beasts escape from these cells you call boxes and be free in the beautiful world of Pizzopolis." Isn't sarcasm great?Photo Source: http://themommygamers.com/2013/09/national-cheese-pizza-day-september-5th/