Dear Nicolas Cage,

Hey there, big fan. Earlier this week I read that you are going to be playing a Truffle Hunter looking to reclaim his prized Pig in an upcoming movie. I’ve long been a fan but now I am convinced that the only thing I want to do is create a movie with you. A lot of people say you make too many movies and that none of them are good anymore, but I think they’re just missing the point. I can see that you’re just interested in having fun and making movies. If the offers are coming in and you have the time, why say no? I get it.

So, what I’m suggesting here is an unprecedented collaboration: I want to make a movie with you. But not just make it in the traditional sense of “point the cameras, get the shots, edit ’em and call it a day,” I want to start at square one. Let’s make this a custom Nicolas Cage film in every sense of the word. Included below are a list of potential plots for these films, you can pick one of these, I can work on an idea you’ve always had kicking around, or we can come up with one together. The point is, I’m going to make sure that from day one and page one, this is a film that is going to play to your strengths and give you the vehicle you truly deserve. Do I have any history in the entertainment industry? No. Have I seen just about every Nic Cage movie under the sun? Yes. As far as I’m concerned, a Nicolas Cage movie doesn’t need to conform to the “standard” methods of Hollywood filmmaking.

The Pitches:

· You play an obsessive-compulsive hoarder. Your collections are ruining your relationships with your family and friends. They love you and you love them, but are you willing to give up your…. Nic Knacks.

· You’ve just met the woman of your dreams, but you’re cursed to never grow old in…. Cageless.

· You’re just a simple man from Louisiana, but you might just be the greatest Creole chef in the world in…. Cage’n Cookin.

· You and your son are scuba diving off the coast of the Bahamas and you’ve just found the City of Atlantis in…. Nico-lost City.

· You have 24 hours to find a bomb before a major city is destroyed, but first, you have to get a handle on your out of control anger issues in…. Rage Cage.

· A volatile doctor at wit's end, you head to work at the local hospital on the night of a massive catastrophe. As the ICU fills with patients, can you implement your anger management lessons before getting…. Nic’d Off.

· You’re an astronaut on a mission gone awry…. Space Cage.

· A group of terrorists are ready to execute the President. Only you, a reluctant ex-Special Forces op who doesn’t live that life anymore can save him. You’re the…. Nico-last Resort.

· For a time, you were the best racer in the business, now a young hotshot thinks he’s got what it takes to dethrone the…. Cagey Veteran

· Your son and you haven’t spoken since the accident. Now you’ve been told he’s heading down a dark path, it’s up to you to help him deal with…. Coming of C’age.

· Anything goes in Sin City…. Viva Las Cage-as.

· Two women are madly in love with you, how do you choose? Sounds like a…. Cager Dilemma.

· A shady figure from your past that you thought was gone has re-emerged suddenly. He’s planted a bomb set to go off in 90 minutes and has kidnapped your family. You’re going to have to disable the bomb AND save them in the….Nic of Time.

· Your youngest daughter is getting married… to someone you’ve had issues with in the past…. EnCAGEd.

So please, take a look at these and consider my offer. I believe that if we work together, we could create something Hollywood has never seen. I look forward to hearing from you because I believe this could be the start of something special.

With Love,

Dustin Brewer

P.S.- The first time I saw “Con Air” was at 4 am one night. I woke up the next morning and thought it was a fever dream and didn’t really exist. You can probably imagine how excited I was to find that it actually did exist when I saw it again two months later.

If you or a friend know someone that knows Nic Cage or you yourself are Nic Cage and are reading this, please, pass this along or contact me. I’d love to at least get the chance to meet and discuss this in person. Lunch is on me, I know where to go for good burritos.