I have to hold myself back from confronting them — from pulling them apart like an Oreo and dunking them in a glass of lessons on cultural imperialism — from telling them that what they’re doing is just not right.

How can you betray your own people?

White people took you from your motherland, your huts, your savannah and your Tigers, they packed you in a ship, they made you pick cotton without a minimum wage, then all y’all got as an apology was Black History Month, the shortest month at that.

How can you date them?

The BMWW, no that’s not the Nazi car brand, that’s the Black Male White Women couples of the world, you’re all problematic. Very problematic.

I want to clarify that I’m not talking about casual hookups between black men and white women. If that were the case, I would be like, a total hypocrite, because I can’t say I haven’t been stretched by a few black mambas, (call me Tyrone?), I am talking strictly about LTR, long term relationships and dating and marriage and stuff.

The BMWW phenomenon began in the time of the Slavery, long before Abe Lincoln had saved the African Americans from the Republicans grand death grip. It all started in a region where the prejudice grew deeper than the roots of the Mangrove trees, the porches gleamed whiter than a Romney family gathering and (like around) where critically acclaimed True Detective starring Matthew Mconnyhueylewy(?) was to be filmed like 150 years later.

The sexually sadistic and voyeuristic white cis men who ran the Mandatory Cotton Camps of the South, one day, like got it into their heads that they would totally get off on seeing their blacks, (yes they were their blacks, cuz they were property under the law back then, so they were seen as nothing more than a toasters or bathtubs), doing it with their wives.

They forced their wives to go down to the Slave houses in the balmy summer nights and then they forced their Black men to get to work on picking their wives cotton. As if this wasn’t enough they coerced the WOBC, Women Of Black Color to watch this happen before their eyes. If they didn’t look they were totally whipped.

These Ku-Kold-Klan kinda guys, thoroughly enjoyed seeing women of the darker shades suffer so much that they vowed to create a system by which they could systematically keep women of black color from happiness and dating their own men for centuries to come.

The most notorious Slave Master who got up to this kind of voyeurism was a man named Atticus Finch, or ‘Finchy’ as he was referred to by the locals. He was infamous for forcing black men to fornicate with white Harpy women while he watched and then accusing the black men of having used voodoo magic upon them to seduce them. He was a lawyer, so he went on to mockingly sentence them to death without any Leeway. This is where the term ‘Finchyism’, meaning the act of forcing BMWW-coupling comes from. Another interesting fact is that the Ebonics word boo”, meaning “significant other” is an allusion to Finches neighbour Boo Radley, a man he was having a homosexual love affair with.

Fynchyism is still live and well in society today, but has attached itself to the Patriarchy and become just another tool of oppression. The Patriarchy is still doing everything it can to keep black women from being with black men. Like a chess player, but less nerdy and more totally evil, the Patriarchy is moving the Black pawn closer to the White Queen and leaving the Black female pawn behind.

It does this by setting an evil white-centric beauty standard in fashion magazines that say only blonde skinny white women, like myself, are attractive and that thicker girls with a bit of booty are fat and that beautiful black hair is “nappy”. This brainwashes black men into believing that black women aren’t beautiful. So not true #RashidaJones.

By encouraging black men to grow taller, making them good at Basketball, the Patriarchy is appealing to white women’s inherent love of tall men, making us love chocolate men even more.

The extremely racist stereotype that black guys are supposed to like watermelon is not helping either. The watermelon has pink flesh, like, need I even say more?

So to my fellow white girls, can’t you see that the only reason that you like black guys is that you’re still the Slave drivers wives mindset, prodded by the almighty Slave driver, the Patriarchy to consort with its property, the still oppressed very much black man? You are literally being pushed towards them in a huge operation whose goal is to wage psychological warfare on Women of the Black. If you want to help your darker sisters, leave their black men alone, resist the chocolate! They will love you for it.

Okay, like now I’m talking to y’all black men so listen up right quick nomsayn. Y’all don’t even know why y’all like us white bitches. Y’all homies think its dat tight white pussy, making y’all wanna holla? Well y’all homies incorrect about dat shit. Y’all don’t know it’s da Patriachy? Patri-whuuut? Well lemme break it down fo’ yo ass. Da Patriarchy be dis big ass group of white ass honkeys tryna run dis shit. They be tryna make all y’all not like da black sisters, cuz they wanna make them feel bad. Das whack homie, you ain’t about that life, shoutsouts to Drake, ya feel me? Y’all betta stop dating them pale ass bitches and going back to dem bad bitches with the dope booties that clap so much, homie think be he getting a standing ovation. How can y’all betray yo own hoes, y’all some Uncle Toms? Y’all haven’t seen critically acclaimed “Django” starring the incredibly versatile actor Samuel L. Jackson? Ya’ll think that when Martin Luther nailed da 95 tenets of Black Liberation to that Gospel church, that, that he wanted yo asses to start dating cracker ass bitches? Hell no. Tyler the Curator, yo ass part of the problem. This be Annie G. laying down some truth up in this joint. Lay off the Henney, Ya’ll tripping. Word.

And to all y’all black sisters. Stay strong mhmmmm. Us white bitches really ain’t got shit on you when it comes to attracting Black Men, even if the Patriarchy be making it seem like dat. Your black man be cray cray choosing that skinny Vanilla instead of your thick succulent chocolate. But it ain’t yo fault the black men don’t want y’all, the Patriarchy be behind that shit. So guurrl, listen to Annie G, I be yo salvation, Ima get yo black men back to you.

And like, how do you think it makes white women who constantly have one night stands with black guys, but never seem to be able to get a black man to commit to them, feel?

The white girls they never seem to want to be in a relationship with for some fucking reason, how do you think it makes them feel, huh? Seeing all these black men walking around holding hands with other white women, like, totally unworthy I bet. Maybe their name is Tyrone or something like that, and he doesn’t see the perfect girl for him when shes right in front of him and like never calls again, but then like starts dating this other white chick Jessica who’s a total fake model, or something like that. I mean I don’t know anyone who feels like that, but I can imagine, that they would just want these Zebra couples outta sight.

Black men, y’all better do the right thing, stop dating white women, especially fake models, it’s like slavery all over again. New Slaves. Even though the greatest president of all time, Barack Sadam Obama, is the product of such a relationship, that’s just an exception. Show this to your black friends and the white women they’re dating and tweet under #stopBMWW.