Q: What do witches put on their hair?

A: Scare spray!

Q: What do they put in their vaginas?

A: I have no idea. Bats?

Q: When does a skeleton laugh?

A: When something tickles his funny bone.

Q: When does a mummy laugh?

A: While pulling your children apart like wet lettuce.

Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?

A: Dayscare centers!

Q: Where do unbaptized baby ghosts go?

A: Not Heaven.

Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

A: Because he had no body to go with!

Q: Why didn't the girl go to the party?

A: Because she was overweight, and no one could ever love a fat person!

Q: Why is Dracula so unpopular?

A: Because he murdered innocent people by puncturing their jugular veins .

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Q: What's Dracula's car called?

A: It's a Honda.

Q: Why didn't the skeleton want to play football?

A: Because he was probably a homosexual.

Q: What is evil and ugly on the inside and green on the outside?

A: Oprah, if she was painted green.

Q: How can you tell when a witch is really ugly?

A: When she fucks all the wizards to boost her self-esteem .

Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?

A: Nothing-that would be physically and theoretically impossible.

Q:Why did the witch wear a black pointed hat?

A: Because she was legally retarded, and was unaware of the most recent fashion trends.

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Q: What do skeletons say before they begin dining?

A: " OH MY GOD, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO ALL OUR SKIN?!"

Q: When is it bad luck to meet a black cat?

A: Right before you're raped.

Q: Why don't skeletons like parties?

A: Because they are Jewish skeletons.

A: What does a ghost eat for lunch?

Q: A BOO-logna sandwich!

A: Why did the ghost keep excusing her husband's abusive behavior?

Q: She felt she BOO -served it.

Q: Where do ghosts buy their food?

A: At the ghost -ery store!

Q: Where do they score heroin?

A: The park.

Q: Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist?

A: Because he likes to draw blood!

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Q: Why does P.T. Anderson consider himself a good filmmaker?

A: He buys into his own hype!

Q: When does a ghost have breakfast?

A: In the moaning!

Q: When did the ghost fuck your mother?

A: That was uncalled for.

Q: Haw haw haw!

Q: Why do girl ghosts go on diets?

A: So they can keep their ghoulish figures.

Q: Why do they vomit after every meal?

A: To scare you!

Q: Where do ghosts mail their letters?

A: At the ghost office!

Q: Shouldn't they use the post office?

A: They find it unreliable.

Q: What do baby ghosts wear on their feet?

A: Boo-ties!

Q: That baby ghost looks familiar.

A: Perhaps you should call your wife.