Lost, a male to female transgender friend over at Crossdream Life, gave me permission to republish their poem over here. This is what the split between inner and outer life may feel like for someone trans.

It is not as bad as last night,

but I can still here her crying

And no matter how much I fight

I can’t help but feel like we are dying



Please don’t cry

my sister, my shadow, my twin

Please don’t cry

it hurts so much I fear our end



What you feel I feel,

what hurts you hurts me

What you so want,

it can never be.



So please stop crying,

my sister, myself, my twin

So please stop crying,

Lest our heart never mend.



The mirror barely cracks, but the reflection shatters.

The walls have come down and left my soul in tatters.

I embody the day but only desire the night,

and never again will I feel that anything is right.



Cross dreaming through an endless sea of stars

that separate lovely Venus from detestable Mars

The hurting ends but the pain never truly goes away

For when I lose you I feel hollowed and broken by decay



Go away go away go away but don’t leave me alone

Go away go away go away but please come back home

I love you, I hate you, I am simply not complete without you



My brother, you are our head and I am our heart

And I just can not stop once all the sorrow starts.

I wish I did not exist, but sadly I do

and I am sorry for all the pain I put you through.



I hurt so badly I can’t help but cry

The heart wants what it wants.

And that is something I just can’t deny



The happiness of our childhood youth long since gone

It was then that everything went so very very wrong.

Time you are a cruel and terrible fiend

You turned me into this ugly hairy thing.



I lied and you lied tonight hurts just as much as the last

and I fear I am losing myself in you oh so fast



Please don’t cry

My brother, my love, my twin

Please don’t cry

My pain is not your sin.



What you feel I feel,

what hurts you hurts me

What we so want,

it can never be.



So please stop crying,

my brother, my body, my twin

So please stop crying,

Lest our heart never mend.



Laughing, joking and singing my song

I mustn’t let anyone know what is wrong.

Due to my smile no one can see beneath

the pain, sorrow and sadness that seethes



I won’t burden them with my Shame,

I wont let them know of my pain

I mustn’t let them know of all the questioning and doubt

I will never let them know I am being eaten inside out



I can’t allow tears to show in our eye

And even if I could they would remain dry.

We have been broken and split into two

That is why it took so long for me to find you



Go away go away go away but don’t leave me alone

Go away go away go away but please come back home

I love you, I hate you, I am simply not complete without you



The mirror barely cracks, but the reflection shatters.

The walls have come down and left my soul in tatters.

I embody the day but only desire the night,

and never again will anything be right…



The poem was originally published over at Lost’s blog.