Young Britons looking forward to Post-Brexit fruit picking apprenticeships

Britain’s youth are eagerly anticipating a prosperous post-Brexit bonanza after Environment Secretary Andrea Leadsom said they should pick up fruit picking jobs currently being done by EU migrants.

Mrs Leadsom insists the move could produce an army of crop selection technicians that will be the envy of the world.

“Our young people will have the opportunity to thrive under the tutelage of skilled fruit pickers,” she said.

“An apprenticeship wage of £3.30 an hour will also allow them to buy all the things young people like, such as Pokemon cards and Space Hoppers.”

Young people have spoken enthusiastically about the possibility of a career in crop selection.

“This really could be the start of something big,” enthused 18-year-old Simon Williams, who up until now was considering studying for a degree in astrophysics.

“If I can succeed at fruit picking then who’s to say I couldn’t move on to be a shopping trolley retrieval specialist?

“It goes to show that you should never stop believing.”

Mrs Leadsom revealed that the apprenticeships would only be available to the under 18s.

“I did think opening up the scheme to older people, but then I remembered they’re allowed to vote,” she said.

Brexit means Clusterf*ck – get the t-shirt