I'm Amy, a 20-something trans woman living in California. You probably think of this state as a place that prides itself on diversity, acceptance, and every other kind of happy buzzword, but even people here are filled with enough bad information on transgender issues to fill a fundamentalist hate tract. I used to believe most of this misinformation myself, but now that I've been out and open for a few years, there's some things I think everyone should know ...

I bet that, for most of you, nothing would feel weirder than having your dad or brother tell you he's now a woman. And for a certain percentage of people, the reaction to that news would be violent. The reality is that the entire concept of transgender people makes folks very uncomfortable, which means we're simply not talking about it enough.

5 We're Not Trying to Trick Anyone

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Here is how trans women usually show up in pop culture: A straight male character hits on some girl at a bar, only to find, surprise, said lady is transgender. From The Hangover 2 to The Crying Game to a shitload of songs, it's played like the straight male's worst nightmare. And the man's hilarious (negative) reaction is always the point of the story -- his panic, his anger, his disgust. The trans woman is just a prop.

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And is probably played by a woman with a prop.

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And in every case, we're meant to identify with the guy: He was attracted to her, and since she turned out to have a penis, that attraction was an intentional dupe on the part of the transgender woman.

To you it's probably never been more than a somewhat lazy, throwaway joke, but what the fuck kind of message does it send to young transgender kids? "If you flirt, you're a liar"? By society's unspoken rule, just hanging out at a club is an act of deception for somebody like me. After all, some guy might think I'm cute and approach me. If that person flies into a rage upon hearing the truth, society will be entirely on his side -- even though that rage may involve him trying to beat the shit out of me, or worse.

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"Guys, they passed. These ones can be safely objectified and demeaned."

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So for a trans person, that cloud hangs over every flirty interaction. I met a guy at a social event recently and got the feeling he might have been flirting with me, but I didn't know if he knew. I was scared a little the whole time because he was much larger than me (not that I'm small). I waited a month and a half of hanging out, without so much as a touch on the arm, before telling him. It took that long for me to feel sure I'd be safe either way. If you're saying to yourself, "Well, you shouldn't have led him on!" remember that some men consider simply being in the room with them to be "leading them on." You think I'd be safer wearing a sign around my neck? Some people are enraged just by the fact that I exist.

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All right, so maybe it's safer to stay at home and try to meet people over the Internet? There we can merely be verbally assaulted, nonstop, in pretty much any setting. Internet slang for a trans woman is "trap," as in, a being who exists only to "trap" males into questioning their sexuality. So now I can be reminded that the world is filled with people who fly into a violent rage at the mere suggestion of my existence, from the comfort of my own home. Thanks, Internet!