TITLE TALK

If this season’s Premier League title race doesn’t make you feel alive with excitement, you are one of two things: a Manchester United fan, or an irreparable husk whose glabrous lust for life has been inexorably eroded by the arbitrary vicissitudes of our existence, who has been clinically dead inside since 2011, and whose only scintilla of joy in life comes from putting down the latest Marlon James book and reinstalling Championship Manager 2001-02.

When it comes to high standards, The Fiver knows the square root of bugger all. But we once read a book about trying to do things proper, and as such are full of admiration for the unprecedented relentlessness shown by Liverpool or Manchester City. One of them is on course to obliterate the record for the highest points total by a runner-up in the English top flight: Manchester United’s 89 points in 2011-12. Liverpool could finish with 97 points, only one defeat and an empty pair of hands.

All they can do is keep on winning matches and hope Manchester City run out of the fizzy energy pop that allows them to maintain 100% intensity with minimal rotation. Liverpool’s latest test is a slippery one – Southampton on a Friday night. The prospect might excite Jordan Pickford but for Liverpool it feels less appealing. A win would put them back on top for at least a week, with Manchester City on quadruple duty at Wembley tomorrow.

Liverpool’s recent performances have not been as good as their results, and Mo Salah has not scored in the last eight games despite having 472 shots in that time. “He doesn’t seem to be bothered that he hasn’t scored in a few games, and I’m not,” said Jürgen Klopp, before volunteering that he loved the film American Pie, especially the way the teenage boys didn’t seem to be bothered about losing their virginity.

Thankfully for Liverpool, Sadio Mané has been in tip-top form and currently looks the surest thing of Liverpool’s sexy MFS forward line. “We are in two different competitions, the Premier League and [the Big Cup], and we want to win both of them,” said Mané without moving his mouth or brain.

“We’re going to give everything to get it. Personally, I’m sure all the boys are very relaxed; you can see in the training sessions and in the dressing room everybody is relaxed and laughing – but with motivation and determination in their eye. If we don’t win it, we’ll keep going next season. Pressure will never help us, so why should we make pressure for ourselves?”

And with that, Mané demonstrated his simple plan for avoiding pressure. He deleted Twitter from his phone, threw his phone down the toilet and disappeared into his underground bunker for a six-week holiday.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“The only rational thing Steven Gerrard has said this week is that they played the best team in the country on Sunday” – Queen’s Celtic boss Neil Lennon keeps the Old Firm pot on the constant boil.

Pope’s Newc O’Rangers boss Steven Gerrard simmering nicely in the background there. Photograph: Mark Runnacles/Getty Images

RECOMMENDED LISTENING

Where is there a statue of a referee, you ask? You’ll find the answer in this week’s Football Weekly Extra.

FIVER LETTERS

“Re: Thursday’s Quote of the Day, has anything more quintessentially Scottish ever happened at a Scotish fitba game? Must be warming the cockles of Shortbread McFiver’s heart” – Graham Haslam.

“Ahem, Forbes is a money magazine on the USA! USA!! USA!!! I think you meant the ref lost his lunch at the sight of Forres (Mechanics, for some reason)” – David Speedie (and 1,056 others).

“As regards the urinals at NWH: what sort of sick minded individual would stop at 773? Surely in the expanse of the stadium they could have found space to fit in four more to get to what is clearly the vastly more sensible number of 777. I can only assume that the architect is an Arsenal fan and is trying to somehow curse the new ground through the toilet-planning based means he had at his disposal. Perhaps Mauricio Pochettino will have to follow in Barry Fry’s curse-breaking footsteps and go round each corner flag to relieve himself. This would of course make them de facto urinals, taking the total to the balance-restoring, curse-breaking 777 that they should be at anyway. Yours in weird, palindromic number obsessiveness” – Will Wardley.

“Re yesterday’s last line covering the relocation of Real San Andres to a Caribbean Island. Is this something that Sisu should consider for the relocation of Coventry City? After all they seem to have considerably more interest in the Cayman Islands than the city of Coventry?” – Trevor Wastell.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Will Wardley.

NEWS, BITS AND BOBS

Danny Rose has revealed he cannot wait to walk away from football because he is so disgusted by the racism that blights the game – and the response of the authorities to it. “I’ve had enough … I just can’t wait to see the back of it, to be honest,” he said, depressingly. And here’s Barney Ronay on why football must listen to him.

Crystal Palace goalkeeper Wayne Hennessey has been cleared of making a racist gesture during a club meal, the FA has announced.

Everton boss Magic Marco is not happy that Jordan Pickford got involved in some bother outside a trendy Sunderland nightspot. “I am not happy with what happened,” he helpfully confirmed.

Philip Neville has urged his England players to concentrate on football rather than chasing commercial deals. “You’ve got to earn every little bit you get. We can’t have it given to us on a plate,” said the man handed the England job despite having no previous managerial experience.

And Isaak Hayik has officially become the oldest player to play a professional football match at the age of 73. “I’m ready for another game,” honked Hayik, who was kept busy in Israeli side Ironi Or Yehuda’s 5-1 defeat by Maccabi Ramat Gan.

Record-breaker Isaak Hayik in action. Photograph: Amir Cohen/Reuters

STILL WANT MORE?

The FA Cup, the Premier League, Germany, Spain: there are things to look forward to all over the shop this weekend. Here’s 10 of ‘em.

David Hytner on free-talking Danny Rose being worn down by racism.

Brighton legend Steve Foster on the sobering experiences of the 1983 FA Cup final, the city coming alive and his hopes for tomorrow’s semi-final.

The impossible is becoming a reality for quadruple-hunting Manchester City, reckons Paul Wilson.

A nice picture. Photograph: Ian Stephen/ProSports/Rex Shutterstock

Ole Gunnar Solskjær could do with a sporting director with the club in their veins, advises Eni Aluko.

Do you remember when Serie A had title races that captivated the world? Chris Weir does.

And have USA! USA!! USA!!!’s women abandoned the old guard too quickly, wonders Caitlin Murray

Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!



