It's been a roller coaster of a year for Amber Portwood. The outspoken star of Teen Mom OG ended last season engaged to longtime boyfriend Matt Baier and embarking on a new journey as a house-flipper (I know, I was surprised too). But those wedding bells stopped ringing when Baier's mysterious past came back to haunt the couple and rumors about everything from Portwood's custody dispute to her sobriety began cropping up all over gossip columns. And with even more drama brewing this season (plus some deeply emotional reunions), it's still difficult to tell how Amber will be doing when the credits roll on this season's finale.

But don't worry too much about Amber just yet; she's much stronger than she might appear on TV. Cosmopolitan.com caught up with the Teen Mom this week to discuss this season, her decision to start speaking more openly about her mental health, and her relationships with Matt and Leah. And whose Twitter handle does Matt have tattooed on his stomach? Don't worry, I asked about that too.

How did you feel when you found out that Matt had been trying to date Farrah and Jenelle ?

Honestly, he wasn't trying to date them. He sent them messages pretty much telling them they're beautiful and crazy stuff like that. There's the truth and then there's what people want to believe. What people don't want to believe is that his friend Jazz, who he used to play poker with all the time back when he was an addict, took his phone. [Jazz] liked Farrah, he wanted to say, "Hey, come talk to me" — and that's what Jazz told me.

Do I believe it? Not really. Do I care? No, not really, because this was all before [Matt and I] even started talking. That's like when you're with somebody and you say, "How many women have you slept with?" I'm not really mad about it or anything because I've been with the man for over two years, and we have a really good life together. There's no doubt in anybody's mind that this man loves me.

Matt's told you several times that he was not a fan of the show, which is why this was such a big deal when this came out. It's like, What else is he lying to you about?

He always says that, but I know he was a fricking fan of the show. I swear to God, that man ... He's just an older man who doesn't want to admit that he watched Teen Mom because all of his friends would be like, "You're such a freaking wussy."

He used to say all that mean stuff about Jenelle and them [on Twitter]. I had to tell him, "You can't do that shit because those are real people, and this affects their lives," and he stopped. He was just kind of like that asshole sarcastic guy when I met him. This was when we first started talking. We hadn't even met yet.

I've been with the man for over two years, and we have a really good life together. There's no doubt in anybody's mind that this man loves me.

Your conversation with Farrah about Matt — I thought it was one of her most lucid moments ever.

Well, I would definitely give her credit for that, but she never told me we were filming at the time, which is like a big no-no when you're in this industry. I don't know if it was quite genuine or not, but if it was genuine, I think that's a big moment for Farrah to show some emotion toward another person finally. I appreciated it. I really did. But the way it went kind of bothered me.

The last few episodes have felt like a redemption tour for Matt, but one that hasn't completely been working.

We never sought to get redemption from people though; we're just kind of living our lives and doing what we think is right. For me, I don't care as much about the redemption. I feel like I've shown and proven who I am today compared to before, but it's really hard on him because nobody's giving him a chance to really say, "This is what really happened. Was I an asshole? Yes. Did I lie about things? Yes. But this is me today with Amber." We're very happy. I think people need to open up their minds and accept that people can change. He's really a great guy who does nothing but take care of me.

Can I ask about your relationship with Dr. Drew? He said he'd strangle Farrah . Then on the first episode of this season, Catelynn went to him for help and it was like he'd never talked to her before. He had no idea of her history. I wanted to get your take on him.

Well, let's just say I have his cell phone number, and I've had it for years.

Do you call him?

He's helped me. I have called him before many times, and he's called me out of the blue to tell me about where certain places are, you know like NA meetings if I'm going to New York. He does things like that, He's called me on my birthday and told me happy birthday from CNN freaking studios.

I don't know exactly what his relationships are with everybody else, but I know what he's done with me. I remember years ago when I first met him, he looked at me and he said, "Listen, if you don't get this under control, you're going to be addicted," because I was just starting partying and taking pills. And that's exactly what happened. He's never really steered me the wrong way.

My life stops when I'm depressed because there's no getting out of it. There's no shaking it off because it's a chemical imbalance.

In the most recent episode, you casually mentioned you had borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder.

Yes, I'm actually diagnosed. The borderline personality is a new diagnosis that I obviously don't want to believe, but my therapist believes it. It's hard. I was diagnosed with bipolar a long time ago. It's really hard. I think people don't quite understand what it's like to be bipolar and then have something like borderline personality on top of it, plus you have anxiety disorder. I've just been screwed up since the beginning, which is a big reason why I used to self-medicate as well. I'm glad I have professional help now.

People don't know about that because I tried to keep it secret. I was kind of embarrassed by it. Now I'm older and stronger, and I understand that a lot of people deal with these things and that I should be open about it. That's what I'm trying to do. I'm still afraid to talk about it because I really don't want to be judged as some person who can't control herself.

Last week, when Catelynn was having a hard time, I knew everyone was going to be mad at her for getting a pig , but she was really just trying to get out of her depression.

My life stops when I'm depressed because there's no getting out of it. There's no shaking it off because it's a chemical imbalance. When I get depressed, my depression is laying in bed not moving not wanting to even take and shower. Matt's had to pull me out of bed I don't know how many times and start the shower for me because I've been so down. And my anxiety ... I can't really go out in public a lot because of it. I don't like going to movie theaters, and it's just really hard. I'm also not taking anything that would affect my sobriety.

How's Leah's doing? On the episode where you were sick, we saw her take on like a really strange voice, like Danny from The Shining when asking you about why you didn't pick her up. Is that because she's afraid to actually speak out? What's going on?

Boo boo's doing great! Oh my god, she's such a happy kid. It's amazing. She won't cuss. She won't be mean. Very smart. I think when it comes to things like that, she's just younger and she might not know how to ask certain things. She might be thinking, How do I ask Mommy why she didn't pick me up? I don't ever want her to feel like that, which is why it made me so uncomfortable when she said it. I think she was really uncomfortable asking me because I think she thought I just didn't want to pick her up.

That's so painful.

I don't know if Gary told her [that] or not, but what are they supposed to think? I made sure that she knew what happened.

What would you be doing if you were not on Teen Mom? If you had never done the show, what do you think your life would be like?

Well, god, that's so hard. Hell, I don't know. I wouldn't be on TV. I wouldn't be in New York right now, that's for sure. I think my life would be going OK, and I also don't think that I would've been so heavy into drugs, but I think I would have been an addict probably.

Boo boo's doing great! Oh my god, she's such a happy kid. It's amazing. She won't cuss. She won't be mean. Very smart.

You think you wouldn't have been as heavy into drugs if you hadn't been on Teen Mom?

I really do, yeah. But I feel like Teen Mom also helped me get sober as well because I saw everything that I was doing on TV. That completely shocked me, and I felt so horrible about it. I was disgusted with myself so it kind of helped me, yeah. It helped me want to get my head out of my ass, honestly.

OK, last question: Do you know whose Twitter handle Matt has on his stomach, and can you tell me?

Yes, I do, and no, I'm not going to tell you, and now it's covered up.

Is it Farrah?

Oh my god, no. No.

Is it Jenelle?

No. Listen! I'm not going to tell you who it is, but I promise you it was nobody famous, nobody on the show, or anybody associated with it. Promise!

Follow Mark on Twitter.

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