'Twas a bright, newborn morn, not a cloud in the sky looking down upon our band of warriors. I was a young lad, only age of 17, not yet a true man, only man by lack of virginity.



Thine orders were to attack betwixt the black forest of Shroudsrest and the mountains of Couerelthas Lowlands. A small village stationed with Garlean coward soldiers lay betwixteth, an outpost used to gain great wealth due to the gathering of the wondrous herb smokeleaf.



We attacked in the morning, raining down on the village like Bahamut's fire, storming like Ramuh's lightning. I lead the charge, being the bravest and noblest of warriors the group had to offer.



The Garleans were taken by surprise, and the first sentry was cleaved clean in half by thine axe, the inner fecal matter in his intestines spraying all over my face. I kickedeth the stump of torso down and proceeded to ram my steel glove through the teeth of thine other sentry, who was killed by the sheer force of thine blow. My face was now covered with an odd combination of Garlean stool, broken teeth, and blood.



As my comrades slayeth thine enemies in a brutal, I charged into their smokeleaf processing house, which was filled by children. It 'twas no surprise that the Garleans were using child labor to fund their evil empire.



I brandished my axe and began to quickly cleave through the cowardly children, who had most grouped up in corners. Spinning and twirling, I danced like the most noblest dancer, and my work was art. I treated the children like ants or spiders, cleaving select limbs from their bodies.



After my axe had separated nearly eighty heads from the bodies of childrens, I tied up the last child, a young boy who told me his name was Johanathex. Whilst tied down, I forced him to watch me bath my toned body, slowly washing the fecal matter, brain matter, teeth and blood off myself. I used the separated arms of various children, most likely his brothers and sisters, to wipe down.



With a hearty chortle, I released Johanathex, and told him to warn the Garlicean empire of whateth may come... a massacre of their young ones, and a conquering of their wives.



What a glorious victory it was! My comrades and I then set the smokeleaf aflame, inhaling the glorious fumes and ascending to the clouds to float with Bahamut...



Live and let live, I say. Die and let DIE, I say.



-Brofistswagyolo Swag, victor of Smokeleaf Village.