How To Have Sex: A Blog For The Lost And Misguided Men Of Earth

Dear Perverts, as you already know, I can’t keep my tight, wet little hole to my man. I’m all about my pleasure. I blame nymphomania, but let’s be honest. There’s another reason. My boyfriend Mike doesn’t know how to have sex.

I get it, some of you are turned on by the fact that you can’t satisfy a woman because your dick is the size of an outie bellybutton.

But for those of you who aren’t cuckold sissies busting a nut thinking about how you’ll never be able to make a woman cum, I’m going to take this time to share with you a couple tips on how to have sex. I’m a filthy slut and I like it all kinds of ways, but if you want to fuck a lot of women, it helps to be great at the basics.

Foreplay!

I know, I know, don’t fall asleep yet. Here’s a little secret: eating pussy isn’t foreplay (more on that later). Talking, touching, kissing, spanking, hair pulling…that is foreplay. Why do I say eating pussy isn’t foreplay? Because a woman doesn’t have to touch your cock to get you hard, you shouldn’t have to go anywhere near her pussy to get her wet! Erogenous zones exist all over my body that makes my pussy drenched. If he’s any good, by the time he touches or licks my pussy, it’s already wet…and there’s nothing hotter than watching a guy’s eyes roll back in his head when he sticks his hand down my panties and feels my pussy already juicy and swollen. It’s worth the 5 extra minutes!

Gentle Fingers!

I love having my wet, swollen pussy teased until it’s on fire. I do not love feeling like I’m at the gynecologist (well, maybe that’s not entirely true). When it comes to the fingers, less is more. I’ll tell you a literally painful truth, when a guy digs their finger into my clit I’m like, what the fuck are you doing?! It isn’t my fault that every other woman pretends they like it, and maybe a couple of women really do like their clit being punished like that. But until my pussy is shiny and wet and my clit looks like a swollen little pea, it doesn’t really need to get beaten up like that. In fact, this is one of my biggest pet peeves.

Lick, Lick, Lick…

Do you want to know another reason for eating pussy isn’t foreplay? When I’m seriously turned on and my clit is bursting, guys have no problem finding it. If you aren’t a pussy expert, going down while the snatch is cold will leave you searching for that clit and you might never, ever find it. You mistake your own spit for wetness and before you know if you’ve been served a very fake orgasm. What’s the point? You may know how to get the pussy hot with your tongue if you’re an expert, but why not cut your losses and just lick it when it’s already hot?

It’s sort of like pizza. Sure, you can eat it while it’s cold, but it’s still much better hot! Another thing, licking me to orgasm is great and all but, in my opinion, it’s best not to overdo it when you’ve got that wonderful, delicious cock I can cum all over. You’d better give that to me.

Do The Drag!

This one you might think is absurd, but I think it’s an essential key to knowing how to have sex. Flex those cock muscles inside me and drag that dick along my pussy walls slowly as I squeeze you back. Why? You’re hitting all those sensitive spots inside the pussy and making my pussy familiar with your unique and gorgeous cock. I can feel everything you’re working with inside me and exactly how it’s going to make me cum. I know you can feel this too. Building that excitement, what it feels like when we finally start fucking, now it’s so exciting because I’ve felt your whole cock and I know you’re going to fuck my brains out. You’ve made me crave it and now I want you to fuck me. Just one thing…

Don’t Forget My Ass!

I’ll keep this short. I already know you think that putting things up your ass is amazing. I also love things up my ass. I’ll never forget your asshole if you never forget mine. Plain and simple. Put your finger up there. Lick it, fuck it, play with my toys…whatever you want, just remember it’s there! Some women in the wild might say this has nothing with how to have sex, so consider this a kinky slut’s insider tip.

Switch it up!

After I’ve felt that delicious cock inside me, dragging up and down my pussy walls, I’m probably begging you to fuck me…and you definitely should! Pussy loves variety. Deep fucking is amazing, followed by medium speed long strokes, then a bit of hard, fast fucking followed by slow, deep fucking to tease those spots again, for example. Pull my hair, spank me! Whisper dirty things in my ear. I love getting fucked hard, but constant jackhammering is a great way to get a fake orgasm. If you’re into that, that’s fine. But my perverts know I love to shudder an explosive, real orgasm all over a nice cock. Just typing these words is making my little pussy hungry…

You experts out there know how to take control. But for all the lost boys out there, now you know how to have sex. Call me sometime and let me know how it went. Disclaimer: Us girls at the kingdom might be a lot kinkier than the average woman out there (so ask first before you put anything in her butt), but just trust me…my advice won’t fail you.

Love to talk about sex? Want to get down and dirty with me? I have no limits. Call me for some phone sex therapy. I will make your cock explode, just ask my addicted boy toys!