This is a letter that is, once again, open for discussion. I’m not afraid and I have nothing to hide. I’m just sick. I’m sick thinking about the misinformed. The misunderstood. The mistreated.

This is a letter about homosexuality and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints—commonly called the Mormon Church. Yes, I’m a Mormon. I’m 100% a Latter-day Saint and I stand by the leaders of my church. I stand my God. I stand by Jesus Christ.

The purpose of this letter is not to mock or judge or attack. The point of this letter is to defend. My purpose is to defend my beliefs, my family, my leaders and my God. Let me clarify that God does not need defending in order exist—in order to love and carry out His purposes. I defend God not to save Him, but because I love Him and I owe everything to Him. And, I truly believe that to defend God is to defend mankind. And it goes both ways.

“Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.” (Matthew 25:40)

Who else am I defending? I’m defending individuals who are aching and struggling—who are in pain for lack of validation and identity. I’m defending them because my beliefs don’t just cover me and the privileged few. My beliefs cover every single person who is, ever was and ever will be. So, here we go:

To the misinformed:

I want to clear something up. After the Church came out with the recent policy about children of same-gender parents, Elder Russell M. Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles declared that it was revelation. Soon, posts started to pop up on my newsfeed about the audacity of this statement. How dare he say that this policy change was revealed by God! How could we believe in a God of love who would do something so hateful?

There are three main things to note about this.

Firstly, anything the Church institutes as a policy is revelation from God. Whether or not you believe that, that’s how it is. That’s what we believe. So, it’s not about an old white man with social power saying something to try to convince anyone or justify any decision made. As policy of the Church, it’s inherently revelation.

Secondly, going along with my previous point, we do not see our prophets as the head of our church. No, God is the head. God makes the rules. We are of the same worth—the same status as prophets and apostles. No one is better than another. Mortal men and women don’t make the rules. If you don’t believe in God, I see why you would dispute that and why you would think that we’re being brainwashed and controlled by powerful men.

Well, I’m not. I make my own decisions and I choose God and this faith. I can walk away from it any time I want and these people have no say in that, but I would never because I know with all my heart and soul and mind that the doctrines of this church—of my God—are to what I owe my life.

Thirdly, we live in a society where we like to label. We like to say that she’s hot, she’s ugly. He’s aggressive so he’s masculine, he’s more sensitive so he must be gay. I’m not talking about people right now, but I am talking about the attacks on the LDS Church. I’m talking about the destructive labeling that’s putting people off from a place where there is healing, acceptance and love to be found. Why? Because it’s easy to be misinformed. It’s dangerous to form opinions based on partial or wrong information.

So many people are reading the accounts of my brothers and sisters who stay in this church—who are trying so hard to justify a middle ground because they know God, yet they are also confused about His plan and about what He has in store for them—and think “what good, spiritual, strong people who are standing against authority.”

They think that that authority is man, but it’s not. It’s God. The fact is that God is merciful and part of that mercy is doing what’s best for His children. The fact is that many members of the LDS Church that I just mentioned are not stupid or weak or shallow—they’re trying so hard—but they’re misinformed. Misunderstanding. I know I’m bold, but I can’t afford to be anything else.

To the misunderstood:

I know that this term incorporates pretty much everyone, but I want to pin point some groups specifically.

Firstly, those who I was just talking about: the activists within the Church. I know you’re misunderstood by many. People judge you and you feel it. You’re trying so hard because you know that God is real, but you don’t understand why His prophets and apostles would do this to you and to your families. I know you’re hurting and questioning. I knowing you’re praying with everything you have because you don’t want to let go.

I want to tell you that your intentions are beautiful—to love unconditionally is what we all strive for. To want the best for everyone. To want fulfillment for others, yourself and your future family. You are so strong for searching.

The fact is that God has a plan. If you’re reading this and you’re not LDS, I’m talking about what we refer to as the Plan of Salvation. Basically, we were created before this Earth and we chose to come here, to struggle and to push past hardship and temptation to progress. We were then sent to Earth where we are to learn by faith and agency. We are to be baptized, to be converted to Christ through repentance, to marry and to have an eternal family by marriage and sealing in our sacred temples. After this life there are spirit prison and paradise, the millennium and judgment. Then, we go to eternal kingdoms of glory depending on how we conducted our lives and the people we became—Telestial, Terrestrial or Celestial. Although all kingdoms are far more glorious than life on this Earth, Celestial glory is living with God in eternal happiness and joy for eternity that we can’t even comprehend. In order to attain this Glory—in order to become like God and to be Gods and Goddesses of our own, we must be married. A Man to a woman, a woman to a man because we compliment and complete each other. That is the definition of marriage.

With this plan in mind, it would make no sense for me to endorse same-sex marriage. Endorsing same-sex marriage would be like me thinking that my belief—this plan—is exclusive. Like it only applies to me. Like I’m some sort of chosen one. Yes, my worth is far beyond my understanding, but so is yours, so is every single human being’s worth. And you are worth it to me. You are worth it to God’s prophets and apostles. You are worth it to God.

In other words, this “stance” if I can even label it so lightly, is not about some tradition we can’t let go of. It’s our doctrine and to change that essential doctrine would be, first of all impossible because it’s not our call—it’s God’s, and second uprooting our entire church.

God made man and woman to marry to be happy, to procreate, to be Gods and Goddesses. If we eliminate that belief, we eliminate the legitimacy of the Church.

So, secondly, to me. To the faithful Latter-day Saints. Let me say that I feel so misunderstood and I am perfectly allowed to feel that way. This doctrine is so unbelievably far from hatred. So so far from anger or spite or pride. And to those of you who haven’t been changed for the better and dedicated everything you have to this, you can’t tell me that you understand. Because I do this by choice because I am who I am because of Jesus Christ. Because of the leaders and examples to me who are literally Christ-like.

And after everything I’ve been through and the choices I’ve struggled with, my faith is attacked by the misinformed. By people constantly putting out posts and messages that I’m some kind of hater because I stand by the Church? That I’m some kind of brainwashed victim? That I’m more concerned about myself and my temporal traditions over loving others? That I stand for something that isn’t worth it?

God is worth it. The family is worth it. I am worth it. You are worth it. And just because I’m misunderstood doesn’t mean I’m angry or hateful. I’m passionate in defending what and Who gave me everything.

To the mistreated:

This is directly to those of you most targeted in this discussion. Yes, I’m talking about those of you struggling with same-gender attraction, those of you who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual and whatever else I’m not specifically stating.

You are loved. I know, at times, you don’t feel it. I know this hurts and I know that there’s so much talk about bravery and being true to yourself and not denying who you are. I know you’re struggling to understand what all of this means and where you stand in all of it. I know that God loves you. He did not leave you here with this to torture you or to put you on some display for the world to criticize. He gave you this because you’re worth it. He gave me what I struggle with because I’m worth it. Because the purpose of this life is to progress towards the potential He has for you.

I know there are things that you ache for now, that you wish could be taken away, maybe that you wish weren’t a temptation, but he loves you more than to give you temporary satisfaction and happiness that won’t last. This life is not about temporary, this life is about eternal happiness and that’s what we’re striving for. Because that’s forever and, believe it or not, it will come if you make the choice and trust Him.

Why am I calling you mistreated? Because to be misunderstood and to be judged is to be mistreated. To be talked down to, to be talked about as a fad rather than an individual, to be identified primarily by sexuality—that’s mistreated. Because you’re so much more than that and you know it.

And some of you are more obviously mistreated. Some of you are physically abused. Some shunned. Some disowned and unwelcome. And God would never do this, but people have agency.

Maybe you feel that God is the one shunning you because the people who claim to be His disciples are. But God is not the haters. God is not the members of the Church who claim Christ, but deny Him by treating you like some circus act. You are not a spectacle or a trend or a movement. You are an individual and you are God’s literal child.

If any member of the Church mistreats you, remember that that is the choice of the individual, not of God. The Church and, ultimately, God do not stand by abuse or any form of hate. However, you can’t expect God to cheat you of a better potential by making exceptions to doctrine and policies. He knows you more than you could ever know. He loves you and wants the best for eternity for you. And He knows the way to get to that point, so trust Him and trust the leaders He has called to be His mouthpiece.

If there is one thing you take from this, remember that God is not the haters. God is all-knowing, all loving. Better to trust someone who loves you individually and infinitely and knows everything than to sway with the winds of an unsure society that has no real, credible director who would surely have no idea who you are anyway.

With Love,

Alexis