This could be the start of something great, or just some Thirsty Thursday fun. While brainstorming something to write about for you all, I realized there had been quite a few absurd headlines this week involving hoopers. So, whether this is a one-and-done or becomes a running bit, here are This Week’s Ridiculous Stories Featuring NBA Players.

Michael Beasley : Shocking news out of Scottsdale, AZ turned the basketball world upside-down when law-abiding, rule-following, generally-great-citizen Michael Beasley was arrested for possession of marijuana. I need to get something off my chest here, you guys. Back when the Bulls somehow landed the top pick and took Derrick Rose, I wanted Beasley. For a while the knock on the Bulls had been that they needed low post scoring. I was wooed by Beasley’s season at K-State and failed to recognize the importance of a franchise point guard, regardless of the makeup of your roster. I guess that’s why the GMs make the decisions and me and Beas just cruise with the windows down. And, now a phenomenal GIF:

: Shocking news out of Scottsdale, AZ turned the basketball world upside-down when law-abiding, rule-following, generally-great-citizen Michael Beasley was arrested for possession of marijuana. I need to get something off my chest here, you guys. Back when the Bulls somehow landed the top pick and took Derrick Rose, I wanted Beasley. For a while the knock on the Bulls had been that they needed low post scoring. I was wooed by Beasley’s season at K-State and failed to recognize the importance of a franchise point guard, regardless of the makeup of your roster. I guess that’s why the GMs make the decisions and me and Beas just cruise with the windows down. And, now a phenomenal GIF: Jereme Richmond: Jereme never technically made it to the NBA, but a lot of our readers hail from the suburban Chicagoland area and probably remember Richmond dominating in the state tournament in 2010 and going to the University of Illinois in Champaign for one season. He clashed with coaches and declared for the draft, but didn’t come close to sniffing an NBA roster. And now, an update on his life: Threatened Probation Officer Takes the Stand at Jereme Richmond trial. Let’s hope the judge accepts the defense’s “group madness” argument (yeah, right!).

Jereme never technically made it to the NBA, but a lot of our readers hail from the suburban Chicagoland area and probably remember Richmond dominating in the state tournament in 2010 and going to the University of Illinois in Champaign for one season. He clashed with coaches and declared for the draft, but didn’t come close to sniffing an NBA roster. And now, an update on his life: Threatened Probation Officer Takes the Stand at Jereme Richmond trial. Let’s hope the judge accepts the defense’s “group madness” argument (yeah, right!). Andrea Bargnani: This one’s a little less serious, and potentially made up. NBA sources! Anyway, because the Knicks locked up 31-year-old Slovenian Beno Udrih, Marc Berman at esteemed news publication The New York Post is certain that Andrea Bargnani will play better in New York BECAUSE HE’LL HAVE A FRIEND. You can’t make this stuff up.

Here’s the origin of the bit about Bargnani wanting to play with foreigners that @NYPost_Berman keeps repeating: http://t.co/FCwEFHPofV — Seth Rosenthal (@seth_rosenthal) August 8, 2013

Shabazz Muhammad got in trouble for fucking! Or at least trying to. Yep, following in the footsteps of esteemed Heat veteran Mario Chalmers and the aforementioned Michael Blazley, Shabazz got the boot from the NBA’s rookie transition program. As many have pointed out, an NBA rookie transition program that prohibits a player from bringing women back to his room is really no transition program at all. On the bright side, now Shabazz knows what it would be like to play at BYU. Just kidding. They would’ve suspended him for a season and publicly shamed him.

got in trouble for fucking! Or at least trying to. Yep, following in the footsteps of esteemed Heat veteran Mario Chalmers and the aforementioned Michael Blazley, Shabazz got the boot from the NBA’s rookie transition program. As many have pointed out, an NBA rookie transition program that prohibits a player from bringing women back to his room is really no transition program at all. On the bright side, now Shabazz knows what it would be like to play at BYU. Just kidding. They would’ve suspended him for a season and publicly shamed him. Enes Kanter and Karl Malone went fishing. Here’s an Instagram:

and went fishing. Here’s an Instagram: Goran Dragic got ejected from a friendly match between Turkey and Slovenia. Goran takin’ swings! Sounds like someone’s a little upset his team traded for Eric Bledsoe….

Well, that’s about it for today’s edition of This Week’s Ridiculous Stories Featuring NBA Players. I hope you guys enjoyed it, and maybe we’ll do it again. Remember, no women at the rookie transition program–and don’t talk to Bargs unless you’re white and Euro!