Are you sitting down, Florida? I’m about to tell you something that is going to come as a shock. Your politicians do not give one fracking frack about you. Not one. Zero fracks. Zero. I know this because Florida just voted for a new and improved water bill on Tuesday and it’s full of fracking garbage.

The face that Florida’s state legislature makes when you say you don’t like the things they do

Let’s just fracking go through this fracking list of the fracking chemicals that your Florida legislature just voted to allow in Florida’s waters on Tuesday. Some of these chemicals have some suspiciously large jumps in their allowable limits, don’t you think? Now why in the frack were chemicals like bromodichloromethane (increased 7x), methyl chloride (increased 8x), chloroform (increased 10x), carbon tetrachloride (increased 3x), bromoform (increased 4x), tetrachloroethylene (increased 30x), beryllium (increased 1500x!!!), benzoanthracene (doubled), benzopyrene (doubled), benzoflouranthene (a few forms increased up to 43x), FRACKING BENZENE (doubled), and dichloroethylene (increased 5000x) regulated at such low limits in 1992, but NOW all the sudden it’s important to bump up the limits?

Can anybody answer this question? Why were these the only chemicals that went from having tiny little allowances in water bodies in 1992 and now their limits have been multiplied by as much as 1500? Any fracking idea?

Now why in the frack would the DEP and the Environmental Regulations Commission spend four years focusing on increasing the limits of chemicals like these? Does it have anything to do with the flood of special-interest contributions that dictate everything about our country nowadays? If only there was some way to find this information!

OH WAIT Florida legislature I CAN JUST FRACKING GOOGLE IT YOU FRACKS!

Yes, every single one of those fracking chemicals I just listed are used in fracking and end up in surface waters or in the air during the freacking fracking process. And many of them are poorly understood and some might cause cancer and FRACKING BENZENE and FRACKING BERYLLIUM one hundred percent DO cause cancer. The only chemical increase that wasn’t directly related to fracking was a fracking herbicide. Yes! Let’s just kill the plants that we don’t like with herbicides and then let our kids run around on the grass and play in the herbicide water! What’s the worst that could happen? It’s allowed at Home Depot so it can’t be THAT bad right? DUHmerica wouldn’t let stores sell carcinogens?! We have politicians making sure of it!

Lobbyists gave your Florida politicians $28 million. Do you know why? Do you know what those politicians voted for?

Maybe you’re on the fence, thinking, “well, they say it’s good for jobs and the free market and I like things wrapped in bacon.” Stop it. Shut the frack up. You know what’s not good for jobs? Fracking cancer. You know what’s not good for jobs in Florida? Water that you can’t fracking swim in or fish you can’t fracking eat because they are poisoned. You know what has been misconstrued, misapplied, and misunderstood for as long as it has been a thing? The fracking free market. The free market doesn’t mean “do whatever the frack you want”, the free market actually means “do whatever the frack you want so long as the taxpayer or other industries don’t have to clean up after your mess. Clean up after your own fracking mess.” THAT’S the free market. So, translation, if fracking costs people things like, oh I don’t know, their health, then you can’t pull the fracking free-market card. FRACK!

“Oohh but fracking sounds good for jobs.” No. Shut the frack up. It’s not that simple. Fracking competes with tourism, its by-products cause cancer, and it overall reduces the quality of life in a state that is already currently covered in poop.

So if you are at all frustrated, you better get your fracking shale bottom to your local elections board TODAY OR TOMORROW AND REGISTER AS A REPUBLICAN OR A DEMOCRAT AND THEN FRACKING VOTE IN YOUR FRACKING PRIMARIES BEFORE AUGUST FRACKING 31ST. Here is the information of where to go in Palm Beach County to register to vote. Yes it will take like 45 minutes to drive there and register but that is the easiest thing you could possibly do for yourself and your future to secure your quality of life. People literally gave their lives and continue to do so so that you can go VOTE!

Go register to vote. Today or tomorrow. Then vote in the primaries on August 31st. Mark your fracking calendars.

You know who knows how this fracking system works? You know who is sure as frack not missing the primaries? The fracking bad guys. The fracking people who are buying your fracking politicians and then rounding up their friends and families to make sure they are registered and that their politicians end up on the fracking ballot. FRACKING VOTE OUT FRACKING CORRUPTION. Voting for the president is not enough. Voting for your senator is not enough. You have to vote for your house of representatives, your state level senators, your state level representatives and your FRACKING GOVERNOR. I don’t care if you are a republican, democrat, nihilist, what the frack ever just vote out corruption.

I saw this on the internet. Vote ’em out. Especially you republicans.

Maybe you’re like, “well it’s haaarrddd I have to do all this reesseearrcchh.” Shut the frack up. I will do the research for you before August 31st just go make sure you register by August 1st because if you don’t then you can’t vote for the uncorrupt politicians in November because they won’t even GET ON THE FRACKING BALLOT.

Oh, is it hard to vote? Is it hard to research who is not going to sell your off health and your quality of life? Shut the frack up. I will research it for you along with a bunch of other under-funded environmental nutjobs. Just go fracking register to vote as a republican or a democrat by August 1st and then vote out corruption in the primaries on August 31st. Voting for a president isn’t enough.

And if you want to be reminded you can even put your fracking email address in that fracking box on the right so I can fracking remind you to fracking read the result of all the fracking hours I am going to put into researching who has not been fracking bought and fracking paid for.

Too bad Florida doesn’t have another source of energy that we could develop for the economy, like I don’t know, the FRACKING SUN (thanks for pointing this out, Rachel).

FRACK!

twitter: @kellygarvy

Blog: kellygarvy.com

More fracking resources:

http://www.ntn.org.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/UCgas_report-April-2013.pdf

http://www.ntn.org.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/NTN-Toxics-in-UG-Activities-Briefing.pdf

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4016083/