ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A recent graduate of Betoota Grove’s exclusive St Gretel’s School for Girls has elected against taking a gap year doing charity work in a third world country – breaking the mould of those who’ve come before her.

Olive Stetson, daughter of Dr Hannah and Mark Stetson of Grenache Road, accepted a position at a prominent boarding school on the outskirts of London, in the south-west armpit of Great Britain.

The popular and worldly 19-year-old told The Advocate today that she’s both ‘excited’ and ‘nervous’ for what the rest of this year brings.

“England is a gorgeous country,” she said.

“But it’s deeply troubled. It has one of the least valuable passports on Earth. The food is pretty shit, the weather is even worse. The crime rate is through the roof. Dad wants me to wear a stab vest under my new Marmot puffer jacket,”

“But I’m not worried. The people are so beautiful, I can’t wait to help their little faces! I’m gapping at the Harrow School, which is like a hostel for kids who live too far from school to go home each day. It’s pretty sad but I’m going there to help. I’m sooooo [sic] excited!”

Young Olive’s parents, however, have expressed concerns about their intrepid daughter’s choice to gap in such an ‘inhospitable shithole’ like London but they’re remaining supportive.

Her father, Mark, a global banking executive specialising in emerging markets, said that there’s not too many reasons why one would go to London any more.

“Back in the day, it was quite a nice place to visit,” he said.

“Things were a bit more laid back. They had great music there. All the greats from yesteryear. Coldplay, Arctic Monkeys, they were all grand,”

“But times have changed now. There’s been a few revolutions or something. Now even my firm is looking to move offices to Dublin or Amsterdam. I’d be lying, too, if I wasn’t worried about Olive moving there for a year. It’s a dangerous place,”

“At least it’s not as bad as Melbourne, I guess.”

More to come.