All of you taxpaying peasants in the UK better get a second and/or third job, because Duchess Kate and Prince William’s royal apartment at Kensington Palace was covered with asbestos and hos needed a new kitchen and all of that cost a lot of cheese. The Daily Mail says that the Kensington Palace apartment, which used to belong to Princess Margaret, was transformed last year into Duchess Kate and Prince William’s new house and renovations were supposed to cost taxpayers ONLY £1 Million. But the budget ballooned to the size of my swollen nipples whenever I see pictures of Prince Hot Ginge, because Duchess Kate and Prince William added a new kitchen with top-of-the-line appliances, bigger closets and a nursery for Baby Prince George. The budget has gone from £1 Million to £4 Million. If you’re in London, point your binoculars at the sky to watch Morrissey’s head fly through the night after his body combusts from hearing this news.

According to the BBC, the apartment was a mess. The electricity was janky, there was no running water and it had asbestos. So basically it was like my first apartment in NYC. They redid all of the electrical and put on a new roof. A spokeswhore for Kensington Palace says that Duchess Kate and Prince William are not extravagant whores and they didn’t get gold toilets and bidets that clean their royal assholes with champagne. They paid for their own curtains and furnishings and the apartment really needed a complete overhaul since it hasn’t been renovated since the 1960s. The rep spit this out:

“This is the duke and duchess’s one and only official residence. It is here that they plan to stay for many, many years to come. We also had to take into account the fact that Kensington Palace is a scheduled ancient monument, and all elements of the refurbishment had to be agreed with English Heritage. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge paid privately for all the internal furnishings, including carpets and curtains. They were also at pains to ensure that the specification is not extravagant.”

If THE QUEEN wants her subjects to stop screaming “VIVA LA REVOLUTION!” and to stop leaving bags of flaming Corgi shit on her front door every time stories like this come out, she should’ve found another way to pay for the renovations. She should’ve called ABC and Ty Pennington and pitched them a very special episode of Extreme Makeover: Palace Edition. Ty Pennington would’ve torn that palace down and replaced it with a cookie cutter modular home with a kitchen by Sears in it. It would’ve been beautiful! And if THE QUEEN really wanted to make some easy money, she’d turn Prince Hot Ginge’s apartment into a webcam dorm. I’m pulling out my credit card just thinking about it…