Have you ever wondered why the peacock with the biggest, brightest feathers gets the mate? Sure, having a sharp outfit never hurts with the ladies, but you surely don’t want to be wearing high heels if a tiger is chasing you. It would seem that carrying ostentatious plumage would make you both more eye-catching to predators and less likely to outrun them, and, as a result, more likely to be eaten. Have a look at these guys:

All three of these male birds of paradise have all evolved impediments to flight. Although it might look flash it’s more difficult to fly with two preposterously long feathers sticking out of your head. What is the role of these costly or self-destructive signals in animal behaviour and how does this relate to our own self-destructive tendencies? Israeli biologist Amotz Zahavi posits that these deleterious traits actually attract female attention precisely because they constitute handicaps.

Animals need to communicate quickly. Instead of immediately running away from an approaching predator a springbok will engage in what is called pronking. It seems like a taunt – a challenge – and a risky one at that. In fact what the behaviour communicates is, “Hey! Look how high I can jump. Chasing me would be a waste of your time and energy, bitch. In your face!”

It’s a paradoxical behaviour that puts the springbok in harm’s way but also communicates his physical prowess. Pronking arrogantly in the face of a hungry lion seems like a terrible idea to you or me, but if you’ve done it and come away unscathed you’ve proven yourself to be a bit of a badass and then it’s “hello, ladies!”

Having cumbersome but aesthetically pleasing feathers works in much the same way. If a bird manages to survive to adulthood despite having ludicrous feathers he’s obviously doing something right. He’s survived despite his impediment and who doesn’t love an underdog? Female birds of paradise certainly do. Essentially they’ll choose the one-armed knight who wins the joust. By displaying his handicap he is simultaneously displaying his superiority. It’s all rather chivalrous really.

Then we get to humans. Oh, glorious humans. Do we share the same unconscious instinct that causes birds to engage in perilous displays? I’d argue that we most certainly do. Granted, the way in which we display today is vastly different to a thousand years ago but the principle remains the same. Comparing a Pacific islander jumping head first off a bamboo tower to some clown doing handbrake turns in the car park is truly unfortunate. If the former is to survive the plunge he needs to be a good builder, have nerves of steel and calculate his jump perfectly. His success or failure is a valid indicator to a potential mate. The latter just needs a few drinks, a gold chain and a baseball cap with the stickers still on it and he’s bound to get lucky at some point.

The biological validity of this potentially costly behaviour has been lost in humans and become maladaptive. Thankfully it hasn’t stopped us from doing retarded shit. So the next time you’re about to roll down a hill in a tractor tire or jump through a flaming hoop hammered out of your mind on a beach in Thailand, for humanity’s sake, this should be your response: