American Airlines, Delta Airlines, and United Airlines have all announced that starting October 15th, they will not only jack up the cost for first-class, Business class, and economy class, they will also remove any and all amenities from their planes. According to airline insiders, this is all part of a 5 year plan to make air travel just like riding the bus.

In a press conference with reporters, United’s CEO unvailed this new plan on Wednesday. The plan’s name was referred to as “We don’t care about the passenger” plan. American and Delta were quick to announce their new plans in hopes to compete with United. According to one airline insider, all 3 airlines are currently in a battle to see who can be the most like Spirit while trying to convince passengers that what their experiencing is a premium product. A premium product that’s worth $200. Airlines are hoping these changes will increase their bottom lines.

Along with these major airlines taking away major amenities on their planes, TSA is also enacting a new rule called “Molest passengers more.” They are going to hire registered sex offenders as TSA Agents to help them get much-needed jobs. When asked if he was worried if the registered sex offenders would continue offending sex, the TSA Admin David P. Pekoske said “No I’m not worried. The TSA has always been known for getting a little more touchy and feeling with you. It’s always been part of the job. It just makes sense to hire the pros!”

TRCN (The Real Clear News) went to a major airport and interviewed passengers as they were walking in. One passenger walking in said “This is great! I’ve always enjoyed not having reclining seats, having no personal space on the plane and I just loved getting molested by TSA Agents! Thank you Airliners and TSA. You’ve made my travel experience so much better!”

The last of the changes should be rolled out to the consumers by January 1st.