by Jon Kieren

There is one on every dive boat, you know… “That Guy”. The one who tries every possible way to ruin your hard earned, well deserved, fun and relaxing dive trip. We’ve asked our members for a list of qualities that defines “That Guy” and here is what they came up with.

That Guy who walks into the dive shop with a binder full of certification cards and exclaims loudly “pick a card, any card!” We are all very happy that you are passionate about continuing education. However, your Ice Diver, Altitude Diver, and Dry Suit Diver cards aren’t really necessary in the Caribbean.

That Guy whose gear bag “explodes” all over the boat as soon as he boards. One fin here, the other over there, his wetsuit draped over your tanks, his left bootie is on the swim platform while the right is on the bow, and his regulator is draped over the ladder to the bridge while he dunks his BCD in the camera bucket to get the strap wet. Dive boats get crowded fast, pack your bag so you can take one item out at a time while you set up, using the least amount of real estate possible.

That Guy who decides that since he’s going diving anyway, it’s not entirely necessary to shower while on vacation. Again, dive boats get crowded quick and it’s often hot and humid… this, combined with diesel fumes and you still reeking of last night’s bad decisions can have a serious impact on the sea sickness tolerance of your fellow divers. Clean yourself up, it’s better for everyone.

That Guy who insists his last dive trip was far superior to any diving anyone else has ever done. After every dive, That Guy complains that it wasn’t as good as his last trip to wherever, and recommends everyone on the boat visit that place on their next trip instead of coming back to where they are now. Not only is this disrespectful to the dive operation you are diving with, but also to everyone who just got out of the water thoroughly satisfied. Now they are disappointed they didn’t see dolphins dancing with whale sharks while the manta ray played the harp with the mermaid, they want more… and it’s your fault.

That Guy who “doesn’t need to log dives anymore” yet cannot remember how much weight he needs. If you jump in the water and can’t get down because you don’t have enough weight, write that down somewhere so you know for next time. There’s a really good spot to do it too… it’s called your logbook!

That Guy that everyone is always waiting on. If you take a little longer to get your kit on and get in the water, start getting ready a little earlier than everyone else. That way everyone isn’t bobbing around on the surface waiting for you to start putting your wetsuit on. Also, if you know you have better air consumption than the rest of the group, ask if it’s okay to get in first and drop down with your buddy before everyone else. This way, the whole boat isn’t waiting around for you to finish your tank meanwhile it’s lunchtime and the other guests and boat crew are hungry… you don’t want to make the captain miss his lunch, trust us.

This is by no means a complete list of “That Guy” characteristics but you get the idea. The next time you’re on a dive boat take a look around; if you can’t spot “That Guy”… guess what? It might be you! We would love to hear your favorite stories about “That Guy” so please tell us in a comment below!

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