Barcelona took a bold step to ensure their continued dominance by petitioning FIFA to rewrite the rules of football so that possession of the ball counts for more than goals scored. Following two important losses over a four day span to Chelsea and Real Madrid in which Barcelona dominated possession of the ball but still failed to score more goals than their opposition, they decided that now was the time to act.

"Football is obviously broken," said Barcelona midfielder, and defender of all that is right, Xavi. "When the team that just scores the most goals is ruled the winner over a team that holds the ball for the vast majority of the match only because the rules say so, something is very wrong. And it is time we correct that wrong. Because Cesc is suffering."

Xavi is not the only Barcelona player speaking out on this issue, though. After Barcelona's 1-0 loss to Chelsea in the first leg of their Champions League semifinal despite maintaing 79 percent of possession, Andres Iniesta labeled the match "unjust." A sentiment that teammate Sergio Busquests echoed after Barcelona lost a decisive match in the Spanish league title race to rivals Real Madrid by a score of 2-1 even though the Catalans kept 72 percent of possession.

"We hope that FIFA will finally take this matter seriously and take action," Xavi continued, standing on a table so he could be seen. "It is time for all other clubs to resume their poor imitation of our style of play and lose to us with dignity. After all, everyone knows that playing disciplined defense within the rules of the game and then using patience and precision to score on the counter attack is still cheating and equivalent to puppy murder. Actually, it's worse. Defending is worse than puppy murder."

When reached for comment on Barcelona's petition, a FIFA spokesman said they are taking these concerns quite seriously and the public should be far more interested in this than anything to do with corruption.