There seems little question now that we were all better off when USA Today was running psychedelic weather charts, Larry King's bon mots, and pie charts showing that we're eating more asparagus than our grandparents did. All of those things were infinitely preferable to the farrago of obvious and painful lies published under the name of the president* on Wednesday. Congratulations to Our Nation's Newspaper. You are now a propaganda organ.

I'm going with the Balloon Juice post that includes the text of this ludicrous sludge bucket because I don't want to give USAT any clicks on it, either. This is my favorite long-debunked lie.

As a candidate, I promised that we would protect coverage for patients with pre-existing conditions and create new health care insurance options that would lower premiums. I have kept that promise, and we are now seeing health insurance premiums coming down. I also made a solemn promise to our great seniors to protect Medicare. That is why I am fighting so hard against the Democrats’ plan that would eviscerate Medicare. Democrats have already harmed seniors by slashing Medicare by more than $800 billion over 10 years to pay for Obamacare. Likewise, Democrats would gut Medicare with their planned government takeover of American health care.

First of all, this was a phony talking point in 2012, for pity's sake. Back then, the Republican charge started at a cut of $500 million, then it went to $700 million, and then to $700 billion. Now, it's up to $800 billion. The Affordable Care Act didn't cost Medicare a dime. It reduced future payments to providers that provide certain Medicare Advantage programs.

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This was just the ignition, however. Stephen Mille...er.., the president* was headed for orbit.

The truth is that the centrist Democratic Party is dead. The new Democrats are radical socialists who want to model America’s economy after Venezuela.

Chuck Schumer, friend to Lenin. Absolutely no Democrats want to model the economy after Venezuela. Finland, maybe, in certain areas.

If Democrats win control of Congress this November, we will come dangerously closer to socialism in America. Government-run health care is just the beginning. Democrats are also pushing massive government control of education, private-sector businesses and other major sectors of the U.S. economy.

I will bet the president* five bucks, which he likely may have to borrow from Russian oligarchs, that he can't name three major tenets of socialism, three actual living socialists, or, for that matter, three dead ones. No helping there, Steve.

Tom Williams Getty Images

Indeed, the Democrats’ commitment to government-run health care is all the more menacing to our seniors and our economy when paired with some Democrats’ absolute commitment to end enforcement of our immigration laws by abolishing Immigration and Customs Enforcement. That means millions more would cross our borders illegally and take advantage of health care paid for by American taxpayers. Today’s Democratic Party is for open-borders socialism. This radical agenda would destroy American prosperity. Under its vision, costs will spiral out of control. Taxes will skyrocket. And Democrats will seek to slash budgets for seniors’ Medicare, Social Security and defense.

Abolishing ICE would "end enforcement of our immigration laws"? In what sense? And nobody is in favor of "open borders," unless "open borders" is defined as every immigration proposal that doesn't include funding for his stupid damn wall. It's hard to believe anyone at USA Today edited this mess. If someone did, a lot of someones should be fired. As Larry King might have put it, if it's MAGA, count me out.

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Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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