Over the last century, humanity has witnessed perhaps the greatest explosion of technological innovation in the history of our species. But while Homo sapiens continues to make huge strides in telecommunications, medicine, and teledildonics, we're plateauing in other fields: namely, junk food.

Yes, our noble quest to dream up taste sensations has backfired completely. Instead of creating new, artery-clogging delicacies straight out of an episode of Star Trek where the Enterprise crew visits the Obesity Planet, today's kitchen innovators just smush existing edibles together into ghastly amalgams. If the following new foodstuffs portend a dark future, expect to see cottage cheese pizza soda on the shelves by 2015.