I stumbled across the website for a new product recently, and I would like to declare that Bacon Salt appears to simultaneously be both the greatest, and the worst, condiment idea in the history of mankind.

First, let’s meet the founders, “Justin and Dave” (note:I have no evidence those are their real names). As you can see by the totally natural poses they are striking in the picture below, Bacon Salt is hip, fun and in-your-face!!! Yeaaaaaah!

Now here is where the marketing pitch starts to go wrong. I don’t know about you, but when I think “Bacon Expert” I usually don’t picture a skinny, balding guy in a sweater vest.

However, this is the point where I should note that “Justin and Dave” are totally hip to the series-of-tubes we call the internets, and thus are bloggers themselves. The name of their blog is, shocker! The Bacon Salt Blog. Here they blog about the many uses for, you guessed it…Bacon Salt!

Now I know what you’re thinking: “Jon, I love the taste of bacon as much as the next guy. However, before I make a purchase like this, I’m going to need to read some generic-sounding testimonial quotes that also include the person’s last initial, just so I can be sure the quotes are real.”

Fortunately for you, “Justin and Dave” (if those are their real names) have complied. Their homepage flashes a series of quotes touting why Bacon Salt is the world’s greatest product. Some of these quotes provide near irrefutable evidence of Bacon Salt’s greatness, such as this quote from “Chuck H.” (which we know is definitely NOT fake, because Chuck provided his last initial):

Touche, Chuck H. Touche.

Why WOULD you have regular fries if you could have bacon fries? Bacon fries? That sounds f-ing delicious. I would like to pre-emptively declare that this thought process should be applied to all fast food. Why would you have a vanilla shake when you can have a bacon-vanilla shake? Bacon Salt makes everything better!

So “Justin and Dave”, now that I’ve said my peace, let me confess: I’m jealous. You guys are living the American dream. Assuming, of course, that the American dream involves convicing people that no matter what food they are eating, it would taste better if it tasted like bacon.

So Good would like to extend an official congratulations to the creators of Bacon Salt. You’ve come up with an idea for a new condiment that is so, so, soooooooooo good.