On your mark, get set … woah! What a weekend for the StarWatch team, as yours truly was front and center for what has to be the biggest celebrity scandal of the year. You might’ve heard about the aftermath elsewhere — a broken hand, a delayed blockbuster, a supposedly scratched 600i, and the arrest of a Senator’s son — but no one can drop the delicious details of the exciting events quite like me, Callie C.

That’s right, StarWatchers, there’s no need for tipsters to tell the tale of what went down at Landry Caballero’s star-studded benefit on Saturday night, because I was one of the many A1 attendees at her charity soirée in Prime. Because of my primo access to all that occurred, we’re dedicating today’s entire show to giving you exclusive insight into the events that left the UEE abuzz. But first, let’s set the scene with a little backstory.

Landry Caballero’s fabulous fundraiser was in support of her new charity Life Under Foot, which aims to raise credits “to study and support the sustainability of Tohil III’s living islands.” Landry, the star of such action-packed blockbusters as Fulcrum Force and The Reaper Files, first became obsessed with the large botanical biomasses that dot the ocean world of Tohil III last year, while vacationing at an ultra-exclusive resort built on one of these “living islands.” According to Landry, the trip to Tohil III was an eye-opener for her in many regards, and was also where she first met her current heartthrob — Croshaw Jumpers’ bad boy Haruto Effinger.

At the fundraiser, Landry and I spoke about her profound passion for Tohil III’s truly unique ecosystem, and the lack of government funding to research its sustainability. Right as she was describing how standing barefoot on the massive, sturdy plants made her feel connected to these incredible organisms, shouts coming from the event’s entrance drew our attention.

It was none other than Rowen Haskel and a cadre of sycophantic friends. There had been much speculation about whether or not Rowen would show up, one of the many reasons I eagerly attended the fundraiser. Lucky for us all, I was right by Landry’s side when the spectacle kicked off.

For those who don’t know, Landry and Rowen have been spec feuding for a while. It all started following last year’s semi-finals match between the Jumpers and the Ferron Lancers when Rowen, who is the youngest son of Ferron Senator Turson Haskel and a part owner of the Lancers, accused Haruto Effinger of cheating during one of the game’s key plays. The allegation didn’t sit well with Landry, who quickly jumped to her boyfriend’s defense, and the two have been publicly bickering with increasing disdain ever since.

The feud turned personal two weeks ago when Rowen lambasted Landry’s upcoming Life Under Foot fundraiser as “shockingly out of touch” and “the perfect charity for those who care more about plants than people.” Rowen even went as far as to urge anyone who was considering supporting Landry’s foundation to instead put that money towards a “real” cause. Then he listed numerous Ferron-based nonprofits that help people in the struggling system.

The war of words between Landry and Rowen culminated in a bet over the outcome of last week’s Jumpers and Lancers game, with the loser promising to make a donation to the charity of the winner’s choosing. When the Jumpers — backed by what I’m told was an incredible performance from Haruto Effinger — won the match, Landry requested that Rowen’s charitable donation obviously go to Life Under Foot. To no one’s surprise, he refused to follow through on the payout.

So, when Rowen crashed the fundraiser, I knew something juicy would occur. I followed Landry and Haruto to where Rowen and his crew, who if I’m being honest all looked pretty lit, were raising a ruckus. Rowen demanded entry, but refused to purchase a ticket. I even heard Rowen say that he “was there to make a real donation and not pay for the event’s food and booze budget.”

Haruto and Rowen exchanged a flurry of words that I dare not repeat with my mother watching. Hey, Mom! Landry, desperate to not have her party turn into the debacle that it clearly already was, tried to get a handle on the sitch. She told Rowen that if he donated to her charity right then and there that she would let them into the event.

Rowen opened his mobi, hit a few buttons and then showed Landry the screen. A smirk spread across his face. He’d donated exactly one credit to the cause.

I have never seen Landry so livid outside of that incredible final fight in Fulcrum Force, when she finally avenges her brother’s death. Haruto even had to hold her back as she screamed for security to escort Rowen and his friends from the event. Meanwhile, Rowen called to the gathering crowd that they were all witnesses to the promise that he’d be let in if he made a donation. It … was … pandemonium.

Finally, event security separated the groups and moved Rowen and his crew toward his shiny new Origin 600i. Landry followed, exchanging words with Rowen the entire time. Right as Rowen got to his ship, he turned back and said something that I couldn’t hear. But, whatever it was, it launched Landry into orbit.

She rushed Rowen and hit him so hard that I saw stars. Guess all the hand-to-hand combat training for her starring roles paid off. The punch sent Rowen reeling backwards. He slammed into his 600i and slumped to the ground.

Rowen’s crew quickly pulled him to his feet. Strangely, Rowen didn’t acknowledge the punch at all. Instead, he inspected his ship and yelled after Landry, who was being rushed away by Haruto, that she would pay for scratching the custom paint job. At this point, security quickly ushered everyone else inside, while Rowen’s 600i lifted off in a hurry.

Now, I was ready and raring to file a report right then and there. I tried tracking down Landry for a comment, but she couldn’t be found. When she also didn’t appear on stage during the fundraiser’s keynote address, I knew something was seriously wrong. So when the word came down that our beautiful brawler had broken her hand, I wasn’t surprised.

Word is that they healed her up right quick, but she still needs to take it easy for the next few days. That’s delayed the filming of a key action scene for her latest vid, Deathwatch. No word on when filming will resume, but from what I hear, the vid’s producers are none too happy about Landry’s actions on many fronts.

News of Landry’s injury is nothing compared to the trouble Rowen now finds himself in. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, I wasn’t present to see his attempt at revenge, but his actions have garnered the most press coming out of this entire event.

After lifting off, Rowen and his crew never left the vicinity. Instead, they apparently stayed and searched the landing pad for Haruto’s Nox. At that point, Rowen’s 600i moved into position over the landing pad, the ship’s door opened and he proceeded to relieve himself onto Haruto’s bike below. Guess we’re seeing an all new downside to flying an open-canopy ship.

What doesn’t this story have, right? All it needs is the arrest of a disgraced public figure and I’ve got celebrity scandal Bingo. Well, thankfully, this is the incident that keeps on giving.

As we all know, hovering over landing pads to target parked ships is a big ol’ no-no. I guess the local air traffic controller was aware of the incident and quickly dispatched the police in case more than recycled booze rained down from Rowen’s 600i. If his ship would’ve blasted off the second Rowen was done, then he probably would’ve gotten away free and clear. Unfortunately, his pilot accidentally engaged the automated landing system. Instead of escaping into atmosphere, Rowen’s 600i came to a rest on the landing pad next to the Nox.

The police arrived on the scene right then and there. According to witnesses, Rowen didn’t even have a chance to make himself decent before the cops swarmed his ship. Ooops!

We need to take a quick commercial break, but when StarWatch returns, crime correspondent Nash Toulouse will join me to discuss the possible legal fallout from this entire event. From the lewd conduct charges to the possibility that Rowen could accuse Landry of assault, Nash will be our brave guide through the legal morass. Don’t go anywhere. StarWatch will be back in a flash!