31-year-old Jeffrey Twigg finally got out of bed this evening after the 2019 Cricket World Cup final between New Zealand and England.

With a blood alcohol concentration of 380mg, Twigg went to bed on the morning of July 15th, immediately following the final, the specific events of which cannot be published here after Chief Censor David Shanks classified the game as objectionable material.

It is an offence under New Zealand law to share the game or relay its contents.

Twigg has been in bed for a total of 46 days since the final, and considered getting up numerous times during that period, but could not once muster the energy.

Twigg’s wife, Louisa, said she was growing concerned “around the 20th day.”

“He was supposed to get up at 5pm on the 15th, but when I went to get him, he just lay there, groaning,” she said. “I understood it at first, but I started to lose a little sympathy by day five.”

As the weeks went by, Louisa began feeding her husband through a tube, and even reached out to the Black Caps to try and help get him out of bed.

Opener Martin Guptill was kind enough to pay the pair a visit, and planned to implore Jeffrey to cheer up and face the world. But when he heard who had come to see him, Jeffrey went into a rage.

“Fuck off!” he yelled down the hallway. “I don’t want to see him!”

Guptill did not emerge from his own bed for several days after the incident.

But now, after many weeks of uncertainty, a weary Jeffrey Twigg has reportedly emerged from his bedroom, and is even eating solids.

Louisa says Jeffrey appears to have forgotten about the World Cup final, or at very least has pushed it into the deep recesses of his memory.

In an effort to ease him back into normal life, she has removed all reminders of cricket or the Black Caps from the house, including a backyard cricket set, the Sky Television decoder, anything with a choking hazard warning, and all the ginger from the fridge.

Jeffrey may be able to return to work in a few months, and his case is giving hope to the many hundreds of New Zealanders’ whose friends and family members remain in bed after the morning of July 15th.