laas driving on Beach Boulevard behind an ancient guy in

a beat up tnick:

He decides to tum in front of me without a blinker.

I accelerate to swerve and avoid him, and this,

woman Jumps in front of my carwash her

hand up.

She proceeds to yell in my window, "Hey, slow down you

idiot!" I' m a , mellow guy by nature, so I ignore

this.

tum around and drive up next to her.

Do you have a problem?‘ lash:

Yeah, why are you driving like an idiot?"

l was driving like an idiot? How, exactly.‘

You were speeding. Iwatched you."

You were? I see. How did you measure my speed?" [Ever

l heard you."

So, you measured my speed by ear?"

l can hear."

How fast did you HEAR me going?"

Look" she says, "I don' t have to take this. Here comes a

cop. l' ll wave him dowg

THE POLICE? This woman is a trip. She waves him down,

and proceeds to tell him that she observed me speeding.

What happened?" he asks. Ilold him the story, and told

him that I accelerated to an indicated 33 mph tthe speed

limit is 35} to avoid a collision.

Are those mufflers legal?" Ethel asks.

She' s pushing it. I reply, "l have a C. A. ll. B. exemption for

them." I give the paperwork's the cop.

She tries to find another thing to screw me with. She

says "What about those big tires? They CAN' T be legal." I

began feeling little overheated gears in the back of my

head start to tum.

These tires were available on the 1970 Boss 429, "l told

the cop," Which makes them street legal as a

replacement.‘

Ethel gets angry. She whines, "So you' re not going to

give out any tickets to this 'r'""""'?"

The cop says, "No, I am not.‘

l' about had it. So I say, "Sir, this woman told you

that she left the street at the comer, and she met up

with my car here. According to Title 39, pedestrians

have to cross the street at a right angle. This woman

admitted she crossed at a angle, which is a

marketable offense."

What?" The cop looks confused.

Also, she told you that she walked in front of my car

to stop me. A citizen can' t detain someone without

probable cause, under Terry v. Ohio tmy new favorite

case). Since she couldn' t measure my speed, she had

no probable cause to detain me. That is an indictable

offense.‘

The cop says, "But, I didn' t see any of this."

But," I said, "l did, and, as an officer of the Court, I can

demand her arrest. I' ll agree to dismiss the Illegal

Detention charge, but Iwant her cited for not crossing at

a right angle and Hazardous Conduct on a Public Street.‘

The cop called his Lieutenant, and after the cop told the

story, he authorized the summonses.

She went home with . 00 worth of traffic tickets, and

they are worth a total ofyour points against her license,

as well as the appropriate insurance surcharge!

BITE“

II MESS WITH ME

...