PHILADELPHIA—Plunged into an abyss of forlorn longing by the sight of a days-old grease stain on his kitchen counter, local man Sean Richardson confessed Wednesday that he still chances across painful reminders of a long-gone but much-loved hoagie around his apartment. “God, I can’t take two steps in the kitchen without succumbing to hysterics. The empty spot in the refrigerator where I stored the second half for later is an empty spot in my heart,” said a distraught Richardson, who earlier today attempted to discard an apple core only to become emotionally overwhelmed by the sight of the oily wax paper that once cradled his beloved sandwich. “It’s like, one second I’m over it, and the next, I’m blubbering over some crumbs on the living room couch where it all began. Or I’m watching a commercial featuring happy Wawa hoagie purchasers who have all the time in the world with their new cold cuts. I want to turn it off, but I just can’t. You know, they say there will always be other sandwiches, but how could I ever move on when I still smell the scent of mine wafting in the air? My mind is still full of beautiful memories our time together.” Richardson, who has pledged to move on, claimed he still finds himself debating whether it is time to call the deli again or if doing so would only make things more difficult.

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