OAKLAND, CA—Calling it the ultimate measure of a professional basketball coach’s worth, NBA commentators confirmed Monday that Golden State Warriors head coach Steve Kerr was ultimately not enough of an insufferable prick to be really considered an all-time great coach. “Sure, Kerr’s had a few great seasons, but what’s really holding him back from true legendary status is that we can’t valorize his completely dehumanizing behavior toward players,” said analyst Chauncey Billups in an on-air discussion, contending that despite his years of success and admittedly impressive moments of mistreatment, Kerr still had “a long way to go” in terms of achieving a place in the pantheon of truly heartless, psychologically abusive NBA coaches. “It’s really a measure of an all-time great coach to see them belittling and screaming at their players like they’re children. You can’t truly be a leader without constantly flying off the rails in a frothing rage or publicly questioning people’s manhood at press conferences. Until we see that out of Kerr, it doesn’t matter how many rings they win.” Billups added that if Kerr truly wanted to be in the Hall of Fame, he would at least have to get himself fired for feuding with Steph Curry, and then try and make a comeback by coaching three sub-500 seasons with the Knicks.

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