I wish I had a happier story for my first blog post, but I wanted to share this with you now.

I breastfeed my four-month-old Bobbi exclusively. I have done so proudly ever since she was born (well, almost since her birth, but that’s a story for another post), and I am sad to say that last Saturday was the first time I ever was made to feel that breastfeeding in public is inappropriate and undesirable.

My family and I went to the premium Apple store in The Hague to get my shiny new Macbook Air fixed (I thought it needed fixing, and it turned out it didn’t, yay!). When I was waiting for my Genius Bar-appointment Bobbi decided to get fussy. I asked one of the employees whether there was a place for me to breastfeed. He needed to ask someone first. It took him only a moment to get back to me with the news that, no, there is no place for me to breastfeed. Soon another guy, probably his superior, came up to me and explained that he would be happy to escort me to the ladies’ room. I asked if there would be a place to sit (like in those fancy restrooms where you have a settee or armchair or such — he can’t possibly mean for me to sit on the toilet, RIGHT?!) and he said “yeah, you can sit on the toilet”. I asked him if there was any other place where my baby could nurse. You can guess the answer. This guy wasn’t unkind or impatient, but he was quite adamant about the toilet being the only place where I could nurse Bobbi. He obviously didn’t see anything wrong in sitting on a toilet with your baby nursing. I offered a few alternatives: I could leave my Macbook here and pick it up later, or come back later without losing my appointment, or perhaps I could discreetly sit in the kids’ corner (I was planning on nursing discreetly anyway, as always). Hell, I am not at all ashamed to nurse in public. I am proud of those moments where I put the initial self-consciousness aside, and look at Bobbi’s face as her fussiness settles into contentment. But he just made it impossible for me to do so. Right then, the repairman came. I quickly explained my problem and it was resolved very quickly, a minute tops. I got out of the store as quickly as I could — hugging Bobbi tightly against me and my husband following me with the pram.

As I settled with Bobbi in the cafeteria of the Marks & Spencer (a place I consider my safe-haven for nursing!), I started to feel disappointed with the Apple store because they couldn’t prioritise the need of my baby over the potential unease that breastfeeding could incite in the public, and because they thought sitting on a toilet was an appropriate place for nursing. I have Googled other experiences and it seems that other women have succeeded to nurse in different Apple stores, so my misfortune wasn’t part of the company policy. This man chose to conserve the taboo surrounding breastfeeding — he had a chance to take my part to normalise breastfeeding, and he declined.

I was disappointed in myself too. I should have been more adamant. I should have told him off for not letting me nurse. Should I have? I don’t know, I just didn’t want to provoke. But should I have?