Now that the golf club Muirfield, one of the last bastions of banter and short irons, has taken the drastic decision to allow women to join after almost 300 years of splendid isolation, what’s a poor chap to do to enjoy an escape from the fairer sex? We can’t all join Donald Trump’s cabinet. Here follows a search for men-only sports clubs, each given a handy misogyny rating.

Royal Burgess Golfing Society

Edinburgh golfers rejoice! Less than hour away from Muirfield lies the historic Royal Burgess Golfing Society, which remains a safe haven for man putts – there are no female members. Margaret the administrator confirms on the phone that there has been no change since the vote in 2013 to keep women out. “Ladies caused no end of issues,” one member was reported to have said at a club meeting. So true!

Rating: Five balls out of five.

Buckingham Club

What is the world coming to when a working men’s club in Hull can’t keep the women away from the games tables? Last year, when Donna Anderson got up to play doubles snooker at the Buckingham, the manager told her to sit down and replaced her with her brother-in-law, Wayne. When Donna and Wayne complained, and the brewery that owns the club kicked up a stink, the ban was lifted. Fun while it lasted!

Rating: Three bonus balls for holding out so long.

Broga

Real bros don’t do yoga, they do Broga. Developed for UK gyms by bro-nafide fitness giant Matt “the Pillar” Miller, a former American football player and bodybuilder, Broga is “a trademark signature yoga practice designed for a male sensibility”. Think less mystical Sanskrit (om, no thanks), more intense moves and postures fit for the modern bro. What’s that? Women are welcome, too? There are female instructors? Bro, not cool.

Rating: Two balls, both of which you’ll need, male or female.

Cresta Run

The world’s first men-only bobsleigh track is not in the UK. Instead, there’s a corner of St Moritz, Switzerland that will for ever be a glorious pocket of Victorian Britain, one where aristocrats and army officers hurtle down the ice in plus-fours and women are told: “Derring-don’t”. The gentle creatures were banned in 1929 and, according to the website: “The Membership has not sought to change this policy.” Be warned: Ladies’ Day comes around every so often, when women are allowed to ride from a lower entry point by invitation only, but these are planned well in advance and can be easily avoided.

Rating: Four-and-a-half frozen balls out of five.