"Some folks will want to get their posters signed by their favorite fighters, but this the age of the internet, and when it comes to fan requests the digital photograph has far surpassed the autograph. These days everyone’s phone has a camera, and everyone wants a picture of them holding their fist up standing next to Randy Couture on their facebook page. That is easily one of the weirdest and goofiest things about MMA fans; the fist-up pose with the fighter. I can’t think of another sport that has a pose that the fans take when they get pictures with the athletes where they mimic the activity they enjoy watching. It’s not just a few guys striking this dopey pose, either. It’s the majority. I can completely understand if you’re a fighter yourself, and you want an image of camaraderie with one of your sporting idols, but if you’re an overweight short order cook who’s never even taken a tae bo class, do the world a favor and keep your fucking fist un-balled when you’re standing next to Anderson Silva.

Another unintentionally hilarious aspect of the MMA culture is the abundance of retarded macho "fight wear" T-shirts. The enormous financial success of enterprising clothing companies like "Tapout" have given birth to a rise of ham-handed imitators where each one tries to out retard the next. Images of chained up pitbulls and skulls are the norm with shiny foil letters to make sure you can clearly read the "Break my dick off in your ass – fight wear" label. At the last UFC in New Jersey I actually saw a guy in the audience with a shirt that said, "Some guys are strikers, some guys are grapplers… I’M BOTH!"

Good lord. Someone please find that poor fuck and give him a hug.

The doucebaggery isn’t limited to T-shirts, either. I had one guy email me that actually wanted to sell me an pendant that was an MMA glove smothered in diamonds. The name of his company? "Hard as diamond – for those who are."

No bullshit.

Could you even imagine the near fatal levels of meathead you would have to be infected with to walk out of your house with a diamond encrusted fighting glove around your neck? On paper it doesn’t even seem possible.

You would think that if you were that retarded there’s no way you would be able to scrape together the kind of money you would need to purchase such an expensive monstrosity. The only way I could see it happen is if maybe the buyer in question won the lottery, or possibly won a huge settlement in some brain damage inducing accident at the local toilet factory or something. Talk about your small target markets."