I was in the middle of a week of vacation and this girl was increasingly into me. We make plans to go to the beach at night to watch fireworks and I can tell minutes in she wants to sit on my boystick that night. The more it becomes apparent she wants to do the no pants dance, the more I realize I have to grow tail.

So, after the fireworks, she invites me to her place which sounds great, but I need to lay cable. And Im not rocking her tiny motel room toilet with corndogs and chinese food right before poking her. So I told her that I wanted to go swimming first. I didnt expect her to follow me. I should have seen it coming. She thought it was romantic.

And, thats what happened. I shat standing up in the Carribbean Ocean while flirting and hugging a naked hot girl. The funny thing about pooping in the ocean is that crap floats. I could feel the turds tugging up when they were still attached, and every time I cut free a candy bar it floated to the surface. I would lean forward in the hopes I wouldn’t feel a fecal torpedo scrape up my back. This is when I would push her or tackle her out to sea. I was herding her against the current of my fleet of food canoes.

I used the salt as an excuse to shower, to which she joined me. From that point on the vacation was a haze of room service, candlelight, me putting things in fantastic places.

Special thanks to Dave of http://www.poopreport.com for the shitty link. (Yuk Yuk Yuk)