I took my newborn in for a nose job . . . and his pediatrician flipped out on me. Can you believe it?!

I told her that his nose looked different from my husband’s, and I’d like them to look the same. This should avoid any awkward questions when he’s older. The doc looked at me like I had two heads and told me that was no reason to perform elective surgery on a neonate.

I told her that the girls would probably like him better when he started dating if he had a nose job. Again, baffled, the doctor told me that she could not, and would not, perform cosmetic surgery on a newborn for such a ridiculous reason.

I told her that I had heard a rumor that my son would be less likely to get rhinitis later in life if we removed a little of his schnozola. Starting to show a little concern for my parenting, she told me that there was no conclusive evidence to support elective surgery as a means of effectively preventing complications or infection in adulthood.

Impatiently, I told her that I just wanted to get this over with. After all, my son would probably decide later in life that he’d like a designer nose, so it was better to just have it done now while he was too little to remember, and probably couldn't feel it anyway. Looking at me like I was bonkers, she asked me what made me think that this perfectly formed little person wasn’t capable of feeling pain. Hadn’t he shrieked when he had a tiny pin-prick to draw blood from his heel? Of course he could feel pain!