When I visualize my dream man, I picture a businessman in a suit, standing next to his ex-girlfriend, with a smiley face emoji plastered over her face. Not! But that hasn’t stopped the single men from packing their Tinder profiles with photos of them surrounded by ex-girlfriends. I understand that men often lack the collection of alluring selfies that most women have, so the best photos of you were probably taken by exes or female friends. I also understand why a man might think that by presenting evidence that hot chicks hang out with him, he’ll attract other hot chicks. This is faulty logic, but lucky for you I am here to help!

To be clear: When women see a photo of you with a bunch of other women, they do not think, “Wow, if all these beautiful women want to spend time with him, surely he’s a catch.” That isn’t how we think. We just assume that you’re trying very hard to look fuck-able by using other women, which actually makes you look extremely un-fuck-able. We swipe left.

If we don’t assume that you’re a douchebag, we assume you’re one-half of a couple that is using dating apps as a way to meet other couples to sleep with, or a unicorn for a threesome. Often, when I see a woman in a photo with a dude, I assume that she’s his partner, and it’s a couple account. Unless that's the case, skip the photos of you and your ex or your platonic female friend, as it could give the wrong impression.

If you’re a single guy, looking to meet people for dating, hook-ups, or whatever life presents you, make your first photo one of you, alone, looking happy and non-sociopathic. Write a brief and non-creepy bio with a glimpse of your personality and a line about what you’re looking for. Feel free to use photos with friends, regardless of their gender, as one of your photos, but don’t use one of you surrounded by ten women in bikinis, and don’t use one with someone who is most definitely your ex (i.e. she’s kissing you, or has placed a sly hand on your abdomen for the photo). I swipe right on profiles with well-written (but again, brief) bios, and a natural opening photo. Luckily for you, the men of planet Earth have set the bar low. You don’t need hordes of hotties to prove that you’re fuck-able. Just be normal.

Let’s get back to the heart of the problem: Most men have fewer selfies and attractive photos of themselves than women. This is because our bullshit culture, which already shames women for selfies, doubly shames straight men for taking them, or for asking their friends to snap a photo or two when they’re all out for drinks. Understandably, when creating a Tinder profile, you’ll use the best photos of you, which likely have been taken by, and with, women. But you look like a douchebag standing next to your ex on your Tinder profile—even if you’re doing it solely because you look good in the photo, and not to prove that women dig you.

Ask your friends (especially your female friends) to take some solo shots of you next time you’re all hanging out. Be honest that it’s for your dating profile. Don’t be embarrassed; they will understand and excited to help, and they’ll likely feel honored that you’re willing to put your love life in their hands.