ANY riots caused by Brexit being cancelled or watered down would be extremely poor quality, experts believe.

Civil unrest is likely to be crap due to Brexiters being elderly or unwilling to do more than walk to a polling station for the pathetic satisfaction of telling the EU to bugger off.

Riot policeman Tom Logan said: “We’d probably be administering first aid to rioters who’d given themselves a hernia trying to throw a brick.

“A mass charge by mobility scooters could leave officers with slightly bruised legs, but we could just block their path with police vans until bladder issues forced them to retreat.”

Political analyst Nikki Hollis said: “A problem for any Brexit riot is that many supporters are just internet hard men who’d run a mile from real-life opposition, even it’s just some Guardian-reading ponce.

“A lot were pig-ignorant about what they were voting for anyway, so it’s likely they’ve completely lost interest now the debate has moved on to lots of really tedious, complicated stuff.

“Also, by their very nature, Brexiters are more likely to throw a brick through their own windows.”