Calif. school crowns transgender prom queen

Roberto M. Robledo | The (Salinas) Californian

SALINAS, Calif. — Angie Esteban hadn't heard of Bruce Jenner before the gold medal Olympian's "coming out" as a transgender woman on national television.

Now she and Jenner, a television celebrity and stepfather of the reality TV Kardashian sisters, have something in common.

Angie has had her own coming out. It's taken place over the course of the past few years, an arduous, personal journey — a girl shedding her male skin. It began slowly in middle school and gained speed as a freshman at Salinas High School.

It's been a struggle with parents, relatives, classmates, educators — and herself.

Yet a validation of who she is came April 18 when the senior became Salinas High's first transgender student to be crowned prom queen.

In an interview with The Californian, the 18-year-old related her story of transition. It is a story of hardship, violence, hatred, love, joy, tears, laughter, pride and acceptance.

Question: When did you become Angie?

Answer:I kind of already knew who I was and who I wanted to be at a young age.

The fifth child of Margarita Carbajal and Mikaele Esteban was born Andrew Isaiah Esteban on April 13, 1997. The Salinas family moved several times around town. The children were sent to live with local relatives when both parents served stints in prison. But the kids stayed in touch. Even back then it was obvious that Andrew gravitated toward girlie things. Her mother and grandmother tried to steer her back toward the boy side; to no avail.

Q: When did they start calling you Angie?

A: Probably my freshman year. Some people called me Angie, and then sophomore year everybody started calling me Angie.

She describes herself as an average student working toward graduation with plans to attend college and study business. Her dream is to become a contestant on America's Next Top Model. Her idol is fashion supermodel and television talk show host Tyra Banks.

Angie began dressing the part of a female in her sophomore year. Before that, she said she would dress as a girl after school and on weekends.

Q: Do you feel supported by your family?

A: Kind of, mostly my older sisters. They boost me up. But everybody has their moments.

Her sister Rita Tavale, 21, is three years Angie's elder. She said they grew up together until about age 7. At that time, Rita remembers her brother Andrew playing with her Barbie dolls and dressing up in her clothes.

Over the years, "I accepted her," Rita said. "My aunt we lived with accepted her, our brothers and sisters kind of accepted her. We're girls. We didn't mind him being one of our sisters."

Mikaele Esteban said in an interview Thursday that his relationship with Angie is still evolving.

He recalls her gradual changes.

"At first, it was a little hair dying, little bit of makeup, a wig," he said. "Now it's the whole thing."

As a father, Esteban said he struggled with the transition in the early years. He said he was hands off. It ran contrary to his fundamentalist religious beliefs at the time, he said.

"I was hoping it was just a stage," he said, "but it's something I had to come to accept."

Angie's acceptance by her older sisters helped Esteban immensely in the process, he said.

"They were the ones that helped me the most, I saw them embrace her. I'm proud of them for that."

He said the brothers had a little harder time of it.

Eventually, Esteban researched transgender identity and learned that biologically his child's life is not a choice but may be genetically preordained.

"There's no way it could be a choice," he said. "She wouldn't choose (to live under) that stigma."

Today, Angie lives with him. He said he is fully supportive of her, even takes her shopping, though he's still uneasy about the name.

"We gave her her name, Andrew. It's been kind of hard to call her Angie."

Because Esteban was in and out of her life in the early years, they are working on their relationship.

"We're getting more comfortable with each other. I'm still getting to know my daughter right now.

"I'm extremely confident in her," he said. "I think she's got some amazing qualities. Coming from her background and all the struggles, I'm really proud of her."

Her mom, Margarita Carbajal, also still struggles with the transition.

She still refers to her child as "him."

"I call him Andrew. It's hard for me because … he's my son but is sensitive. I'm trying to work with it — that he's a her.

"Andrew was a good kid but always playing with dolls. All of a sudden, like overnight, it changed. I'm more used to it now. I love him; he's my daughter."

Even 10 years ago, counseling and therapy resources were scarce for families of transgender individuals. Angie's family dealt with her changes on their own terms and in a less tolerant social climate at the time.

Families of a transgender person have to go through their own transition, said Nickolas McDaniel, a specialist in gender variance.

"They have to let go of the hopes and dreams they attached to who they thought this person was ... and devise new hopes and dreams for their child," he said.

Coping as a transgender can be traumatic, even lethal, for a teenager. The U.S. suicide rate among transgenders is 41%, McDaniel said. And among teenage transgenders it's even higher.

The media buzz created over Jenner is an opportunity to start a conversation about transgender identity, McDaniel said.

"There are a lot of young people who want to hurt themselves" because they are different and confused about who they are, he said. Putting a face on transgenders is important to connect with them as human beings who deserve our empathy, he said.

As for Angie, McDaniel said it's a courageous thing she did.

"I wish I could go and share a hug with her. Transgender people, they don't get that enough."

Q: How were you treated at school?

A: A lot of people would tease me … and it made me really mean.

According to Angie, through elementary school there was always teasing and taunting of Andrew both at home and at school. However, it intensified when she entered middle school. Like any kid who is different, Angie was forced to defend herself.

"I used to fight a lot and get suspended from school. I would get bullied but I would bully back. If you started with me, I would finish it. I know how to defend myself. … All my family is … really tough," she said, including the women.

Q: What about now at high school?

A: It has gotten better. This year they turned out to be more open minded. I know a lot of people that are genuine. Some I know don't like me but they're doing it (tolerance) because some of their group leaders support me."

Angie spent her junior year at Mount Toro High, an alternative education program. She had fallen behind in credits, was a truant and basically turned off by school.

"I was headed toward a bad route. When I finally realized it, I knew I had to get on it."

She couldn't put her finger on exactly why but she said she felt lost at the time.

"I wasn't thinking about the long run. I was kind of living in the moment."

But the moment didn't include school work.

She spread her wings socially at Mount Toro.

"At first, it was kind of weird. But I made a lot of friends," she said.

One of them was another transgender student.

"I became her friend … to protect her from verbal attacks. One day I told her to come sit with me because she was sitting by herself. She got to know everybody with me. She's actually funny. She would have us laughing forever," Angie said.

Angie reached a turning point at Mount Toro.

"I ended up squashing the beefs that I had with people as I started changing my mindset to positive. I didn't like the way they were staring at me at lunchtime so I went up to them and told them, 'I don't have a problem with you.' I put all my feelings on the table. They were relieved that I felt that way. So we both learned a lot and ended up becoming friends."

Angie said it was a teacher who helped her find a better path.

"Ms. (Tina) Forster was teaching math. She's honestly one of the best. When I met Ms. Forster, she was kind of like scolding us to get it together because this was our last shot. Something clicked."

Forster, now at La Paz Middle School, recalls Esteban as outgoing — and more.

"Someone in Angie's situation may see herself as a victim. I admire that she did not. She chose to continue to try; not whine. Perseverance — that is Angie."

Still behind in credits after her junior year, Angie wanted to get back in at Salinas High. She met with the principal and counselors who initially said no but Angie persisted and was allowed to return.

"This school year it's been work, work, work. I'm still behind on credits … but I'm making up my attendance. I stay at school until 5 p.m.:

Her goal is to march in the graduation procession later this month.

Meanwhile, Pratt said Angie "is fully transitioned this year; she was struggling in the beginning. It's always a struggle, but by the time she was fully transitioned she was excellent, positive, comfortable.

"I don't think it's been an easy ride for her."

Though Angie endured some harassment, Pratt said she has maintained a positive attitude.

"I give her props for that. It was worse earlier and it's gotten better."

However, there is still a long way to go.

Q: Do you date?

A: Not really.

Carbajal worries about her child.

"I told her I want nothing bad to happen to you. Lots of people don't agree with your lifestyle. That's all I worry about.

"I told him to not be leading the guys on. A lot of them might confuse you. Be honest, don't be taking advantage. Even though you have feelings like a women, you're still a man. You could be assaulted or worse ... because of a misunderstanding. I don't want them to hurt you in any way. Let them respect you for who your are and that's it."

Neither Angie nor her family sought any professional counseling, she said. That may change as she moves into adulthood, she said. She wants to continue the transition, physically and psychologically, she said. And she may find a more tolerant climate down the road.

Knowingly or otherwise, Salinas High's crowning of Angie Esteban as prom queen has struck a blow for tolerance of those young people struggling with transgender identity.

Teacher Pratt, who has taught at Salinas High for the past 28 years, said Angie is not the only transgender student on campus or in the district.

Pratt and other teachers have broached the topic in an effort to shed much needed light on the issue. They invite speakers like McDaniel to their classes to inform about transgender, gay, lesbian and bisexual identities.

"It's great that they are coming out more and more," Pratt said. "Salinas High is a tolerant (school) community. I'm proud of our students and the forward thinking on their part."

Q: At this point, can your life be considered normal?

A: "I guess. If you've got friends, teachers, and you're about to graduate, how much more normal can a teenager be?"