As a fair warning, this essay might get a bit personal and contains topics on sexuality. However, I feel that talking about it in hushed, vague tones is not doing anyone, especially young people, any favors. It's a part of life, yo.

So it's Pride Month, hey? The very utterance of this statement seems to trigger all kinds of emotional responses from people of all kinds of backgrounds and orientations. Regardless of how you feel about it, I think it is the perfect opportunity to discuss and celebrate our sexual differences, regardless of whether or not they fit into some rigidly defined label or category. Let's ignore for a moment the arguments of what is a fetish, paraphilia, sexual orientation, romantic orientation or sexual identity because there are not enough letters to string onto a label which is not universally agreed upon in the first place! Be happy with what you are, yes, but let's include those of us in conversations who aren't like everyone else and those whoes struggles may or may not be as life threatening as some, but are still very human struggles.

As for myself, I can be sexually attracted to all genders but I have a preference for female identities. However, I have a problem with expressing romantic emotions with other people and I feel really weird and dumb in intimate encounters. Could this be a result of lack of experience or not finding the right partner? This is very possible but at the moment I am perfectly fine with never exploring human relationships. What suits my fancy though, are soft plush toys...

Isn't that just a fetish or a paraphila? Well sure, but for me it is much deeper than what these words tend to bring to our minds. I don't know why I like stuffed animals but I've always loved those cute little faces and soft fur. I am also a bit of a texturephile and running my hands or lips over something fuzzy gives me chills! When I got to that hellish age when every day is a struggle with bio-horror and broken, tribal social encounters, experimentation found me playing with my toys in new and exciting ways. As Danny Sexbang once said regarding masturbation: "You don't have anyone to talk to about it but your stuffed animals. Who you are already fucking."

I know a lot of people who are romantically or sexually attracted to objects or structures believe in animism, but that isn't really for me. I don't detect a soul or presence in my plushes, but I do feel like they have a personality in the same way that, say, a river or mountain can have. We tend to project "spirits" onto things all the time. How many people do you know that have named their cars, for example! If I believe in anything, I believe in the magic of imaginiation. (Insert rainbows!)

I thrive on creativity and I have a particular passion for games. I'm trying to make my own video games but I also enjoy role playing games like Dungeons and Dragons. It's very easy to escape into these alternate worlds as if we were really there. Most of us are well aware that it is just fiction, but we let ourselves pretend for a little bit. I'm a bit different in that while I do enjoy the escapism, part of me is revelling in the fact that I know full well that it isn't real. I enjoy the vast expanses of exotic worlds in the theater of the mind, but I also enjoy the "crunchiness" of a game's mechanics. I like to feel like I'm playing a game, but at the same time telling a good story.

The same can be said for intimate moments with stuffed animals. I treat them as if they were living creatures but I know that they are just toys, and I love that they are just toys. I like to trace the stitching along their bodies that holds them together with my fingers and whisper embarassing things in their ears and tell them that I love them. Both forgeting that they can't hear me and blissfully aware of it. A stuffed animal won't judge you and they will always be there for you if you want them to be.

More people sleep with stuffed animals than society will have you think. To me, sex with a stuffed animal is just a natural extension of cuddling them. We hug them and pet them and kiss them so why not hump them too! They are a joy to care for; to repair and clean and just spend time with. I've talked to them during anxiety attacks to calm myself down, and programmers sometimes suggest talking to a rubber duck to help you work out a problem or find a bug. So how weird is it after all?

There are artists that will gladly sew together your ideal partner, with wonderfully crafted, easy to clean intimate body parts lined with satin, minky or able to accept a silicone toy of your choice, or even external parts if you want them! If we are paying a fortune for a commission of a custom design, we might as well ask if we can get it modified as well, instead of just cutting a hole in it. Although, there is also something to be said about an unmodified bunny bottom to rub against...

I hope this was not too painful to read. I love learning about sexuality and hearing about what people are into even if I'm not into it myself. Confidence and individuality are very attractive qualities to me so if you want, share some of your own perversions! Do not be ashamed of who you are and what you love because the world certainly needs more affection in it.