Hello everyone, I speak to you all from a slightly different source this week as my enemies have decided to sabotage Definitive Anime Review by breaking my laptop. Luckily, my sources have loaned me one for the time being so I can still continue to bring to you the truth.

I come to you with some horrific news that has been bubbling away for the past few days, it seems that the resident YouTube “Anime Guru”, Digibro has gone beyond the boundary of what can be considered…reasonable.

Who is Digibro, you know just in case I live in rock?

Digibro (real name Mr. Digi Bro) is a self styled Anime Guru and makes YouTube videos about anime for a living. Unlike myself, who actually earned their official Anime Guru status through the official channels, Mr. Bro has falsified his credentials on numerous occasions. He is not an Anime Guru and isn’t even the first person to say bad things about Sword Art Online, in short he’s a bit of a poser.

Mr. Bro is mostly known for having an outburst against the acclaimed anime The Asterisk War which I took the courtesy to review once. The outburst took place over the course of numerous videos and was probably longer than the length of the entire anime. To put it in perspective, I reviewed the series in just under four minutes (because I’m a pro).

He has amassed a large following on YouTube who will listen to every word he says while he stands up in a room of anime posters, possibly drinking beer. As you can imagine he’s an absolutely brilliant orator and knows exactly what everyone’s thinking.

Why has he suddenly gone too far, what did he do?

Mr. Digi Bro has decided to use his massive Anime Guru-ness to spread his views on the industry and it got many people very mad. I am actually quite surprised that he’s actually done this because not only is a very backwards view on anime but it’s a backwards view to human mentality.

He recently put out a video asking the question Where Should We Watch Our Anime?, the answer to that question is very obvious really and I can’t believe that such an intellectual drunkard did not manage to get this one right in 10 minutes of video.

You watch anime on a screen.

That screen can be pretty much anything, it could be your PC, your mobile device, your television and better yet you can watch anime in almost any place in the world! But of course there are places you really don’t want to watch anime in at all. Here’s five places that I don’t think is a good place to watch anime.

1. In a volcano.

Volcanoes are really hot. Really, really hot. They contain the lifeblood of many mecha anime heroes and one of them even died in magma, which volcanoes tend to have. It’s pretty obvious why it’s a pretty good idea not to watch anime in a volcano. It’s because the magma would melt the screen and you wouldn’t be able to watch anything.

2. While driving in the Le Mans 24 hour endurance race.

Le Mans is one of the most prestigious racing events of the year and requires the utmost in concentration and human endurance. Unfortunately watching anime while driving will probably make you crash into something and you don’t want to let your teammates down. The glory of winning Le Mans is far bigger than finishing that episode of New Game! you know!

3. In the Large Hadron Collider.

The Large Hadron Collider near Geneva, Switzerland is the largest particle collider on the planet and was created to discover new and interesting things to do with physics. I actually went to visit CERN once and I got to see bits and pieces of this machine. Researchers warned us not to watch anime next to any of the equipment as it could cause irregularities in their experiments and that watching anime inside the Large Hadron Collider would make for a very uncomfortable viewing experience as well. They also explicitly told me not to watch Steins;Gate for obvious reasons.

4. While you’re in a meeting with your boss.

Business meetings tend to be pretty serious stuff, with bars, charts and flow diagrams. You might even feel that your brain is the size of a pea! Watching anime during one of them might seem like a good idea to get your mind off of things but it could actually be very detrimental to your position within the company. You might think that it’s actually down to whether your boss likes anime or not but it doesn’t. Sure bosses can be anime fans outside of the business environment but once inside that building they become mindless slaves to the system of commerce. So much so that showing them C: The Money of Soul and Possibility Control will have no effect on them whatsoever!

5. Watching a Digibro video.

Yes, watching anime during a Digibro video is an incredibly bad idea. Although Mr. Bro has no agency on what you should be paying attention to during the video, you will more than likely be more fixated on him than the anime you were meant to be watching. This phenomenon is heightened if you decide to watch him on his “After Dark” channel, because then you will actually see Digibro.

You simply would not be able to avert your eyes as you stare hypnotically into the very strange looking glasses that he always seems to wear. Actually, have you ever seen Digibro not wear his iconic glasses before? Is it actually possible for him not to wear them? It may be that his glasses are actually the source of his endless pools of intellect, either that or the copious amounts of alcohol he consumes during each video.

Conclusion.

Mr Digi Bro is a person who needs to be told to calm down. He is simply annoying too many people with his crazy beer (or cider, not sure which) fueled antics. People on my side of Twitter have had it with seeing him say some new thing that causes people to lose their minds.

In my opinion, I’m sick of him too. He needs to stop being so crazy as that behaviour is encroaching on the turf of Definitive Anime Review. Just because he falsified his Anime Guru credentials doesn’t mean he can try to emulate me and besides, I do all of this sober.