Major Breakthrough: This Group Of Scientists Just Discovered ‘Pinkerton’

As if we needed another reason to think science was just about the coolest thing ever, a research team at Johns Hopkins University just announced that they have discovered Pinkerton, Weezer’s 1996 follow-up to The Blue Album.

Yep. That just happened.

“We never imagined there was an entire other album between The Blue Album and The Green Album, but our team has been able to verify its existence,” said Professor Colin Blair, the lead researcher on the team that discovered Pinkerton at the Johns Hopkins Applied Physics Laboratory. “This is going to completely change the way that science thinks about Weezer.”

So far, Blair said his team is only able to confirm that the album is “roughly 35 minutes in length, and composed of confessional, introspective lyrics that make it way darker than The Blue Album.” Many researchers across numerous fields have hailed the discovery of Pinkerton as a major breakthrough in Weezer studies.

“What we’re looking at here is an album that we had previously believed could only exist in theory,” said Dr. Cynthia Gordon, a nuclear physicist at CERN laboratories. “Given what scientists have examined in [lead singer] Rivers Cuomo’s lyrics on recent Weezer releases, most believed that an album with the lyrical cohesion and intensity of Pinkerton simply could not exist.”

“Yet what Professor Blair and his team have discovered is a full-length LP displaying qualities of both an accessible pop record and an ambitious, moving concept album,” Gordon continued. “It’s an amazing advancement in the field.”

Professor Blair and his team will be writing a paper on their findings, titled “The Ghost Slips Away: Pinkerton And The Ephemeral Nature Of Genius.” The paper will be appearing in a number of academic journals, including The American Journal Of Physics, Bulletin Of The Atomic Sciences, and Pitchfork, early next year.