This is a bad website.

From the lurid pictures of sexy ladies plastered all over it, to the clunky web design and marketing copy designed to prey on lonely men, Femmedomme Society is everything that’s wrong with femdom. It also really goes back to my point that professional spaces marginalize non-professional femdoms. It’s like trying to date in the red light district- not a matter of competition as much as the fact that people with the expectations that come from having to pay make shitty “free” submissive boyfriends. I’m not saying visiting a sex worker ruins men or that sex workers are bad, but it makes a space that is actively hostile to non-pro when you try to jam all femdoms together.

And this website can’t really decide if I’m the product or the target market. Joining femmedom society is free, but the silver account is severely hamstrung and you’re encouraged to get a gold membership. Without one you can receive (but not respond to) messages and participate in the chat website. This is where the sneaky starts- accounts appear to default to saying you are a “gold” member regardless of your actual status. This might explain the trickle of messages from guys welcoming me.

Be that as it may, it’s not really doing much to sell to me, but using me as the product to attract men. It makes a big deal about the number of femdoms who have accounts there (GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS!) but neglects the fact that you basically can’t do anything with the site as far as meeting people unless you’re both paying. And it plasters sexy lady pics from here and yon- Guys, I’m not lesbian enough to find this interesting. Can we stop trying to sell kink with Hawt Ladies? It’s alienating, and in this sort of context it is pretty transparent I’m the product being sold.

The chat, incidentally, is built around cam shows. Again, not really a ‘lifestyle’ friendly set up unless that lifestyle person is an exhibitionist. This is another place the cracks start showing- it’s a vehicle for reaching customers more than a place for femdoms in general.

To their deference, FS tries their best to be useful by offering femmedom university, a series of BDSM 101 articles, complete with the ability to allow the subs participating to let the doms track their progress. For some reason they also feel the need to tell me that I will get “secret” information on making people submit, not shared with submissives… Urgh, no thanks.

Are you pedaling fiction or good advice, FS? This inability to actually see beyond the dynamic to the consenting adults doing it is another part of this shit that furthers problems. Seriously, it’s really hard on newbies when you match sensible information about limits and safewords with the idea that you are failing to be your sexual orientation if you don’t have the magic ability to make men do what you want.

As an aside, I think this is one of the hardest parts of kink- that everyone’s needs and desires can be radically different, and yet there’s the idea that submission is something you can unlock that way and it’s your measure of worth as a dom. The reality is that it’s like measuring your worth by making people horny or in love. It can be good to be able to work with someone you love to nurture their submissive feelings, but it’s like falling in love. Sometimes it’s not about you, but the other person.

FS also doesn’t miss a chance to try to suck money from submissive men. From trying to get them to buy the (allegedly gold member but not) women Platinum Memberships ($150 to get a girl’s attention? Kaching!) to explicitly telling them that dominant women would recognize their dedication if they bought a gold membership, there is the general problem of requiring submissives to part with cash to show their seriousness.

Sleazy, unethical and exploitive. And really crappy web design that looks years out of date despite a high monthly membership fee. No thanks!

~Edit~

What had originally intended to be a one off review turned into a multi-post adventure, culminating in discovering that Femmedomme Society has something a bit more sinister than bad porn lurking in their closet.

Follow along, pilgrim!

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