Disclaimer: the idea and characters of Dragon Ball are owned by Akira Toriyama. This is a simple non-profit fan parody.

Chapter 8 - How to strain your dragon

The signal crossed the boundaries of space and time; it travelled through the holes in the fabric of both until it wormed its way completely out of them, in a place whose location would have been impossible to point out to any of their dwellers unless you had at least five index fingers able to move in ten different orthogonal directions. Amidst the broken fragments of reality that still obstinately persisted even this far, a creature of power and dream slept.

The signal called to it, and woke it up, and opened its eyes.

Damn, not again!, thought the creature.

The jet had been flying for a while at a moderate cruising speed, with Goku keeping an eye on the compass to make sure they were constantly heading north. Mai had not shown any signs of resistance or opposition; she had just obeyed her orders, sat on the pilot seat with her hand loosely on the stick in case of need while the auto pilot did its job. In the seat behind, the Ox King and Pilaf were chattering - or at least, the former was trying to.

"So, what flowers ya like best, Pilaf? I ask because ya got to order those things in advance to be sure ya get everything perfect and all. Chichi really loves daisies, ya know."

Pilaf shifted uncomfortably in the tiny seating space that was left to him. "Let's just go with what she wants."

"Perfect! Ya'll see, it'll be really good. All covered in daisies."

Something started happening outside, and Goku checked the control panel's watch to find out that ten minutes had passed. This was probably a sign of the coming of the dragon.

First, the sky got dark, suddenly. Without anything blocking out the Sun, the light simply drained from it, leaving a darkness deeper than any night, moonless and starless. Then clouds gathered swirling, from all directions, at blinding speed, swirling towards a centre.

The plane shook violently.

"What was that?" asked Goku.

"Turbulence. I need to disengage the autopilot."

Goku said nothing, as this seemed the kind of situation when it was indeed a reasonable reaction. Mai looked concentrated. She kept a tight grip on the flying stick.

"Did the ancient texts always say that this would happen?" asked Pilaf, worried. "Is this normal?"

"I'm afraid since the last time the Dragon Balls were used was apparently more than one hundred years ago, this is the first time anyone gets the chance to fly a plane during a summoning, Your Majesty. We're in uncharted territory."

"Oh, great." grumbled the other. "Well, I trust your ability."

Another shake, this time stronger. The plane tilted violently on the side.

"Is the wind really this strong?" asked Goku.

"You want to pilot yourself?" snapped back Mai, angry and focused, then she jerked the stick suddenly, just as another bout of turbulence hit the plane. This time they ended up at a right angle with the ground; Pilaf let out a small shriek as he fell into the body mass of the Ox King.

"I was just asking."

"Well, don't, not when I'm trying to... HOLD ON TIGHT, ANOTHER ONE COMING!"

The shakes got even more violent. Mai appeared to be fighting them with all her power, and the altitude of the plane lowered, but it kept getting worse. Now they were spiralling and descending in a disorderly trajectory.

"I'm sorry! Something broke... I don't have control any more!" screamed Mai, frustrated. "We need to abandon craft!"

"With what? We don't have parachutes!" asked Pilaf, panicked.

Goku kept his cool. "We don't need them. Ox King, you can handle this altitude, right?"

"Easy, boy. I jump higher than that."

"Then grab Pilaf and prepare to jump down, and soften the landing for his sake. I think you can ammortise the brunt of the impact with your legs and arms?"

The other was puzzled for a while, then shrugged. "I can jump this high with Chichi in ma' arms and she don't get hurt."

"Perfect. Mai, you're with me then."

"No." the woman kept her eyes forward. "Someone has to keep the attitude of the plane at a minimum of stability, or you might get hit by a wing spinning when you jump out and you won't be able to control your landing. My first duty is to the safety of my King."

Pilaf was transfixed with gratitude. "Mai..."

"Are you sure?" asked Goku "I can stay with you until it's convenient to jump."

"I don't want your help, monkey boy." she said with spite. "I can do this on my own. The crash doesn't have to be fatal, and I can control it better if I have the plane all for myself. Now go!"

She pressed the button that unlocked the doors, and as they opened, the air pressure dropped, almost sucking the passengers out. The Ox King grabbed Pilaf; Goku jumped out by himself, and one second later, the plane was getting further away behind them, as they fell into the storming clouds and raging lightning, through the dark air, to the ground.

At the beginning, nothing happened. Bulma had started to feel a bit ridiculous, pose and all, when she realised the air was somehow chiller that it was a few seconds ago. Then it all happened very fast, and it was instantly noticeable. First, the sky darkening. Then she had a sense of vertigo at the immensity and speed of the clouds that amassed themselves, and amidst all of that, a tinge of childish exhilaration at the awareness that this was all a direct consequence of her words and actions. The Dragon Balls glowed furiously, they became so bright it hurt to look at them directly, and their blazing light made Bulma respectfully step away from them. And then a gigantic bolt of light shot out of them, aimed straight at the sky. It zoomed upwards, pierced the clouds, flew beyond them, the light twisting itself sinuously, with life and purpose. It took the shape of a bright serpent emerging from the ground and twisting and turning its coils across the sky, in loops as wide as a dozen men, swimming in and out of the clouds.

Bulma gaped as the light dimmed down, revealing the scaly skin of a reptilian creature. A head formed; two swirling moustache, bright, gaudy feathers, gnarly horns. A jaw full of monstrous teeth, each big enough to crush a human skull. Red eyes without pupils, glowing under a furrowed brow. When it was finally over, the girl gazed in awe at the most enormous being she had ever seen. It was so impossibly big her brain refused to believe it could be alive, let alone floating in mid-air like a zeppelin without any wings. She had heard about it, and read about it, and expected to see it, after she found out that magic did exist. But somehow her brain had never processed the full entity of that revelation. Now it was undeniable, in front of her, and it sent her head spinning.

She was face to face with a living, breathing magical wish-granting dragon, a creature so outrageous it defied every known law of nature, and that creature was looking at her, and opening its mouth.

"I am the eternal dragon," it spoke, in a deep, powerful voice that was painfully loud even dozens of metres below its source, "and I have come to grant your wish. Speak, human, and I will do as you command!"

Bulma opened her mouth to speak, and found that at that moment, words failed her. She had thought up so well how to phrase her wish, but now she was just so overwhelmed she couldn't remember it. One part of her mind was racing, considering all the implications of the fact that magic not only existed, but could produce effects this big; another was reeling at the thought of truly asking the eternal dragon for something as trivial as a boyfriend, an idea that originally had started in her mind perhaps more as a joke than anything, from when she had not taken this matter that seriously; and the deeper, more instinctual part of it was just screaming to run the hell away from the giant toothy flying snake thingy.

She took a deep breath, told the first part that there would be plenty of time to play around and understand things better later, the second to take a look at that damn camera that was recording her actions to confirm that she kept her side of the deal, and the third to just shut up already if it could contribute nothing of value. She closed her eyes for a minute and recalled exactly the final formulation of the wish she had decided upon.

"Dragon, I will now lay down my wish; it is not to be granted until you hear again the words 'please grant my wish'." she said. "I wish for a boyfriend; said boyfriend must be a male human in an age range between 16 and 20 who satisfies all my internal criteria for physical attractiveness and personal compatibility up to as high a degree as reasonable, and not inferior to the bare minimum that I would consider satisfying in a romantic partner; he has to exist and having lived and grown up naturally as a human being at the time of this wish, and he has to not be coerced into becoming such, but take the choice of his own free will upon meeting me; our meeting can come to fruition through any circumstances that make it the most natural, but not later than six months from now, and in order for me to be sure that the meeting is not just a coincidence, but the realisation of this wish, I should receive explicit notification five minutes earlier in a form that is only receivable or understandable by me. Please grant my wish!"

The ancient creature stood silent, as in meditation. Its eyes gleamed more than usual, then dimmed down again, and finally, it disclosed its fanged, grizzled jaws, and spoke.

"So let me get this straight," said the dragon, "you express a wish, then purposefully and methodically close all avenues through which I could have granted it. Is this your way of being a smartass?"

Bulma blinked. Was the eldritch creature of infinite power bantering with her?

"I am sorry," she snapped back, distinctly not sounding it at all, "but I had expected an eternal, all-powerful dragon to not be bothered by that. I am pretty sure there are other ways! Just do... something."

"Something. That is incredibly helpful and specific." good thing the creature had slightly lowered its volume, now, or the deafening boom of it would have made it hard to recognize its sarcastic tone. "Pray tell, how would you, if you were in my position - not that with your limited human brain that is easy to imagine - go about granting your own wish?"

"Just, uh," Bulma thought about it for a moment, "find the perfect man for me, and arrange a series of casual events that through a butterfly effect of sorts leads us to meet and fall in love?"

That did sound a bit preposterous, upon saying it out loud.

"I think."

"I see." commented the dragon "I see, I had not thought of that! That is indeed very easy. I only need to find, among living male humans in your specified age range, someone whose neural and behavioural patterns match perfectly the confused, extremely detailed and yet often contradictory idealised picture you have built up in your own mind. After that, I need to set up a chain of events that will lead him to meet you within six months' time, even if he lived across the world, and all of that just by influencing unliving, unfeeling things, and yet somehow while being absolutely sure that the wish will eventually be granted. Because woe on me if I were to nudge someone's free will here and there, the little missy has ethical concerns over asking an ancient deity to be her freaking dating service! But of course leading them to unfailingly do something they otherwise wouldn't have done by influencing the events outside of them is okay, because at least I didn't do anything to their brains, nevermind that the result is exactly the same."

"Are you telling me," said Bulma, frowning, "that the ideal man I have wished for does not, in fact, exist?"

"Probably; and if he did, it would still be impossible to arrange your meeting under such restrictive conditions. Make of that what you wish."

She sighed. "And what would the alternatives be?"

"I could, of course, just make you a magical construct, had you not explicitly cautioned me against them. Magical constructs are wonderful things, and I take offense at you forbidding me to create them as if you were to condemn a sentient creature to an eternity of suffering. It is, indeed, the other way around. Magical constructs are the happiest creatures that exist. They are created with the specific need to fulfil a purpose, and lo and behold, their purpose is immediately fulfilled! Unlike yours, which you humans usually can't even figure out, then begin whining about around the age of thirty."

"Please stop with the human hate." said Bulma flatly. "It's uncomfortable."

"I remember I was once requested one such construct by a man who wanted the perfect lover - yes, you're not the first person in history to think up such a stupid wish, imagine that. She was beautiful and happy for all her life. She was very healthy, and I could have made her immortal, of course, but obviously she just had to die when her love did, or she would have been tremendously sad. Since he wanted some variety in his relationship, she had not just one personality, but two, and would change hair colour whenever she switched to help him keep track. In fact, their love was so successful, I think there still are some of their descendants around."

Bulma winced. "This is really creepy. Can we stop talking about it?"

"If this is any consolation to you," said the dragon, kindly, "I still do not think it would have been easy to satisfy you even so. Your internal mental picture of what you would like to be your boyfriend includes irreconcilable statements such as he should be clever and able to surprise me with his comebacks and objections to my ideas but also he should somehow always end up agreeing with me anyway. Not even magical constructs can go against the basic rules of logic."

"Ok, I get it, you're not giving me my boyfriend! So please stay out of my mind now, thank you very much!" snapped Bulma. The dragon closed its jaws in what looked like a smug smile. Surely, it was just the way its skull was shaped, and it was anthropomorphising to try and read that into a human expression - but then again, a perpetual smug smile seemed to indeed fit this creature.

There was an awkward pause.

"Did you know?" said the dragon, "It is an objective fact that seven out of the ten most pleasurable sexual acts throughout human history have involved a magical construct."

"OH, JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!"

The fall would have already been pretty scary on its own, but in the darkness that had engulfed everything, it was like plunging into a bottomless abyss. Goku wasn't much fazed, and had spread his arms and legs to offer more resistance to air and slow down slightly, while the Ox King fell feet first, hunched, with Pilaf basically cradled in his arms and too terrified to even scream.

"Don't ya move!" he shouted when they were close to the ground. "Here we go!"

He lifted his arms, tossing Pilaf violently upwards over the arc of one second. This way, Pilaf shed a lot of his velocity in a relatively safe way - the acceleration was merely painful instead of outright deadly. One instant later, the Ox King landed, his feet planting themselves solidly into the ground and cracking it. He then extended his arms to catch Pilaf again, who let alone moving, had not dared breathing during the whole thing. A few seconds and Goku touched safely the ground too, at some distance, with a light landing softened by a roll.

The boy got up on his feet and looked around. "Is everyone okay?"

"Yup. Fine here!" confirmed the Ox King.

Pilaf made a retching sound.

After confirming that they all were healthy, Goku raised his eyes to the sky.

"Ya see the plane, boy?"

"No, unfortunately." he squinted, and kept scanning back and forth. "The clouds are too dense. It's weird. I would have imagined it should have been lower and visible by now. I don't understand why Mai was so obstinate about not leaving the plane. I'm sure we could have arranged something."

"I dunno." the Ox King shrugged. "I'm afraid we won't see her any more. Pity."

"That's out of the question!" said Pilaf, indignant. "She is not such an amateur that she would find her end just because of a little storm like this one."

"Pilaf, I feel ya, but..."

"Do you know how much experience she has? Over one thousand flying hours earned during her service within the air fighter force of the Red Ribb..."

Pilaf shut up suddenly, but it was too late. The name had already drawn the Ox King's attention.

"Pilaf," he hunched down, coming face-to-face with him at an uncomfortably close distance, "were ya just sayin' Red Ribbon? Ya telling me that she was Red Ribbon?"

"What's Red Ribbon?" asked Goku.

"She used to!" protested Pilaf. "She works for us now. Heck, she defected to come work for us, and even brought with her a lot of gear as a proof of her good faith. She stole from them, she keeps saying how they would surely shoot her if they could catch her..."

"What's Red Ribbon?" repeated Goku, patiently.

"A mercenary army, boy." spat the Ox King, with disgust. "Scum of the Earth, the whole lot of 'em. Thieves and murderers for money, and absolutely not to be trusted."

"You don't get it! She was the one who left them, and she's proved her loyalty over and over again. She came to us, she was the one who informed us of our heritage, who told us about the Dragon Balls, who spurred us to action, to reach for our own destiny! She was the one who always drove forward, the most eager to reach our objective! Without her, our own quest would not have been possible!"

Goku frowned. "That sounds suspicious. What did she have to gain from it?"

"Nothing!" Pilaf screamed. "All she wanted was the chance to follow us, to witness our expedition to seek for the Dragon Balls, and be there when I summoned the dragon and regained my birth right!"

"Who paid for the expedition?" asked the kid.

The other's face slumped into a stunned blankness. "Well," he answered, "we did."

A moment of meaningful silence descended upon all three.

"I see her!" the Ox King finally exclaimed, pointing at a small bright spot far in the distance that was flying stable and fast towards the horizon. "She's going back to the place where yer friend summoned the dragon!"

"But she can't make it in time." muttered Goku, under his breath. "Can she?"

"Dunno, boy. What da ya think, yer friend's the type who could get into chatting with a magical dragon?"

"So, Shenron," said Bulma, sitting down on the ground and occasionally sipping from a canned drink she had retrieved from a capsule fridge, "I agree with you, I do think immortality would be nice, but I can't wish for it right now."

"Why, pray tell, would that be?" if the dragon had had pupils, you would have probably seen it roll its eyes. "One would imagine immortality to be the first any of you frail things would ask for. And yet, can you believe it?, no one ever has. They all ask for power or money or love or some other short-sighted nonsense! As if, given enough time, they couldn't get those on their own anyway. Oh, and by the way, it's Shenlong. You obviously need to get better at reading those ancient manuscripts if you make such trivial pronunciation mistakes."

"Duly noted. Regarding immortality, there's two reasons. The first one is that in order to wish for it I would need to properly plan the wish itself. It's pretty dangerous, you know. I wouldn't want to be stuck with immortality but not eternal youth, or..."

"Do you take me for an idiot?" the dragon interrupted. "You have been talking with me now for, well, way too long, and that should have been enough to realise that I'm not some mindless automaton, I hope."

"Admittedly, mindless automata usually don't have a tongue quite as sharp as yours." acknowledged Bulma.

"Thank you for the compliment. And so, you should realise I would not ignore all the obvious implications of a wish, or thoughtlessly grant it in a literal way to the point that it turns into a curse rather than a blessing. My creator originally asked himself that very question, and realised that only a sentient being could be a proper wish-fulfiller. And one quite proud in his own work, I would add. Trust me, if I wanted to screw you over, I would, and no amount of thinking your wishes through would save you. In fact, if I wanted to screw you over, I would have taken your earlier demand for me to, and I quote, 'shut up already'..."

The girl brought a hand to her mouth.

"...and interpreted it literally, thus immediately considering your wish granted upon my stopping talking. But that would have been what a moron would do, and as I said, I take great pride in not being a moron. So my immortality package comes all included, eternal youth and a safety mental trigger for suicide in case something goes wrong."

"Well, that is very nice of you, and removes my first reason," said Bulma, "but not the second. See, unfortunately my using the Dragon Balls is... conditional. Specifically, I promised to some friends of mine that I would not use them for anything of too much import. The camera, there, is here so that they can check I kept my word afterwards."

Shenlong sighed. "Listen, human, I just want to get this over with. If you asked for immortality, what would be the worst these friends could do to you? Kill you?"

"Catch me and trap me into unescapable imprisonment, thus forcing me to choose between eternal suffering and suicide?" suggested Bulma.

The dragon remained silent for a few seconds, impressed. "That's some friends you got there." he concluded.

"Well, one of them is a friend. The others are..." the girl made vague gestures, looking for the right word, "acquaintances? Rivals?"

"Mortal enemies that you blackmailed into doing your bidding?" tried Shenlong.

"Something along those lines."

The laughter of a dragon was a thing to witness - deep and booming like a volcano eager to erupt. "And you are the one who had qualms about me using a bit of mind bending to find you a boyfriend."

"It's very different. I gave them a choice. Granted, it was a choice between doing what I wanted and a significantly more horrifying alternative, but still a choice."

"You tell yourself that. But I guess that rules out immortality."

"Have I beaten the record for your longest summoning yet?" asked Bulma.

"That was ten minutes ago. Now that you have achieved this dubious honour, do you have any intention to free me of your company? My rules say I can't go until someone expresses a wish. My creator never assumed this could possibly pose a problem."

"Just give me a few minutes to think, okay?" the girl crossed her legs and took a thoughtful expression. "What could I ask that is relatively innocuous...?"

"Anything." growled Shenlong, exasperated. "For example, do you need a fresh change of panties?"

Mai could see the dragon right in front of the jet. The massive coils of the serpent rolling through the clouds were visible from kilometres away, as even in the darkness they emitted their own bright light. She quickly evaluated what would be the best place to land so that she would be close enough. Everything had gone horribly wrong, feigning the fall and hijacking the plane had been an act of desperation, she was sure that the dragon would vanish before she got to it, having granted its wish, but now apparently things were going slowly, for whatever reason, and as long as there was a chance, she would not give it up. By now her betrayal would have been apparent, which meant her cover was blown for good. It was all or nothing.

With the autopilot switched on again, the plane would keep flying in a straight line. Mai got up and winced uncomfortably while using her hand to retrieve the one emergency capsule she always kept hidden on her body - in the kind of place that amateurs like that girl would be too naive or shy to check. She removed the safety from the capsule and popped it up, revealing a suitcase. Opening it up, there were a gun, a grenade, and the pieces of a sniper rifle, as well as ammo cartridges for both firearms. She hooked gun and grenade to her belt, then, deftly, she started mounting together the rifle's parts, screwing in the barrel, hooking the scope. The plane kept flying smoothly, there was no wind or turbulence, not even the light one she had needed to exaggerate for her little deception, earlier. The shot would be hard, but not impossible, even from up in the sky. She thought about the girl who had ruined it all, the one who had come and crashed her plan and made a fool of her. Bulma Briefs. She was down there right now, taking her sweet time asking the dragon to grant her wish, for whatever reason.

That was a mistake. In fact, Mai decided, that was the last mistake she would ever make.

"We could not imagine anything like that! We trusted her!" screamed Pilaf, waving his little arms around like a chicken trying to fly.

"Yer a dumbass!" roared back the Ox King. "Ya don't trust Red Ribbon people! Ever! I'm not letting ya marry ma' daughter!"

"Well, fine! We will become King anyway, and then you will see what it's like, to know that your daughter could have been Queen and instead is not because you wanted to make a scene!"

"King! Ha! Yer not becoming anything! If the Red Ribbon woman gets the to the dragon and makes her wish be sure that it'll be something so awful that yer not getting a chance ever again!"

"QUIET!"

The shout was like a sonic boom, that momentarily stunned both men and interrupted their fight. As they slowly turned towards its source, they saw Goku like they never had. Razor sharp focused, with a neutral expression and eyes cold as ice, looking like they could see through them.

"My friend is in danger." he said, calmly. "I would like to think what to do about that."

The others nodded and sat down, still mumbling something against each other. Goku ignored them, and looked towards the dragon, that was indeed visible even from there, albeit far - just a small bright spot on the horizon. Without a jet, there was no hope for him to reach it, even by running at his top speed, any sooner than in half an hour. That wasn't practical. In order to get there in time he needed to fly, fast. As he thought about this, Goku realised there was one thing he could use. If only he knew how.

"KINTOUN!" he shouted at the sky.

Pilaf looked puzzled, while the Ox King blinked and then got excited. "Ya have Muten's magic cloud? Can ya ride it, kid?"

"Not yet." muttered Goku. "Let me think."

Muten Roshi had seemed to assume that the cloud could indeed discern morality, and the cloud had rejected Goku, for whatever reason. If that was how it operated, there really was no hope. But what if it wasn't? What were Muten's exact words, again?

But remember - you can only ride it if you are pure of heart!

To be 'pure of heart' did not necessarily translate to morality, Goku reflected. Perhaps it was something more literal, and more suited to be discerned by a non-sentient magical item. Something that could be easily mistaken to overlap with common notions of goodness in enough cases that the words would be misinterpreted.

Goku focused on the notion of purity of intent. If that was how the cloud worked, it was no surprise that it had rejected him and his mind perpetually bubbling with doubts and speculations. He closed his eyes and tried to meditate away all of his other thoughts. Focus on only one, the need of the moment, the one thought that needed to take precedence, and why he needed the kintoun in the first place.

Save Bulma, thought Goku, expelling every other consideration and worry from his mind. He used those words, repeated over and over, to push everything else aside. Save Bulma. Save Bulma. SAVE BULMA.

The tiny yellow cloud zoomed through the sky with its characteristic whooshing sound, fled low, and ran towards Goku without hinting at braking, as if it understood his hurry. The kid jumped up with perfect timing to fall down on top of it. His feet lodged themselves firmly into the cloud stuff, as if he was standing on a pillow, and stayed there. While Pilaf and the Ox King gaped in amazement, the cloud zoomed forward, faster than any jet, with Goku perched on top, looking forward, guiding it with his mind towards the dragon, and his only thought.

Save Bulma.

"...and see, the problem is, if I ask something that's too trivial, I will feel like I wasted my wish, and have not gotten enough of a chance to really witness your power. Which, I am sure, is amazing, don't get me wrong, so I want a wish that does it justice."

The divine creature gazed at the mortal girl from the heights of the sky and groaned in exasperation.

"My power may be amazing," it said, "but my patience is decidedly not. Can't you just settle on something?"

"We're getting there!" said Bulma, defensive. "We're brainstorming. By the way, what does it even mean to you, waiting a little bit more? You're immortal. Why does it bother you?"

Shenlong hissed smoke from his dilated nostrils. "Just because I have all the time in the world does not mean I can't get bored. Imagine this. You're spending your time in a timeless bliss. You have to make no effort nor work, and can simply meditate on the realities of existence in a half dream state while suspended amidst worlds. Then suddenly you're snatched from all of this, bound to a temporary material body with all its dreadful inconveniences, and forced to entertain a spoiled brat who just can't seem to decide on what she even wants. And you can't just ditch everything and go back, because that's your job, and you're forced by your own nature to take your job very seriously. Does that sound fun to you?"

"I'll admit it doesn't." said the spoiled brat.

"I am glad to know we do agree on something."

The human and the dragon both sighed, each for their own reasons. There was a moment of silence; Bulma gulped down the last of the drink she still held in her hand, then crunched the can flat and tossed it back into the fridge she had gotten it from. She stared into the distance, at nothing in particular, lost in thought. There was a whooshing sound, coming from afar.

"What was that?" she asked, distracted.

"Would you like me to tell you?" inquired the dragon. "That would count as a wish."

"Hell, no. I'll figure it out. Probably just the wind anyway."

She jumped up, extracted a pair of binoculars from her bag and started scanning the surrounding area. The desert looked clear, no one was coming.

"You know," said Shenlong, "if you were immortal, you would not have to worry about any dangers surprising you anyway. A much safer life."

"What the hell!" snapped Bulma. "What's with you trying to sell me so hard on immortality? Do you get my soul if I wish for it, or something?"

The dragon squinted in disgust. "What would I possibly do with that? I thought I made it clear I don't enjoy your company. I'm just trying to avoid a situation where I'm left here waiting for a wish for who knows how long."

"Well, then leave it. In addition, I don't think I would feel good about asking for immortality just for me. I think I would consider making everyone immortal."

"That is crazy, for more than one reason." said the other. "First, you're the one who was worried about free will and choice. Now you would thrust immortality on a whole planet full of people who didn't ask for it?"

"What's the difference? They can opt out whenever they want."

"It would be a choice between immortality and death, not immortality and mortality." pointed out the dragon. "Not quite the same thing."

"Why would anyone want to die anyway?" said Bulma, exasperated.

"I don't know. Ask someone who's suicidal, I guess. But you yourself have just talked about your soul, and have wondered if there is an afterlife, recently..."

Bulma hesitated a moment. "Is there?"

"I can't tell you for free. That's vital information, and it counts as a wish."

"Fine!" she went back to looking at the horizon with her binoculars, irritated. "I'll find out by myself."

"You'll surely do that, eventually. Maybe sooner than you think." the dragon sounded slightly amused. "But it will be too late to make any wishes at that point. Or you could just catch this fantastic chance to actually avoid that problem forever."

"Stop it I said!"

"Look at you, human. Such a simple mind. You wouldn't be so irritated if the offer didn't really tempt you..."

"I swear, not one more word, or..."

"Or what? You'll kill me? Well, you can't, because I am indeed immortal. And you're not. Yet."

"I'm not listening!"

"It would be really quick. You get to live forever. I get to finally go back to my slumber. Win-win, really."

"I don't plan on going back on my word for..."

"I'm sure there are going to be extenuating circumstances your so-called friends will be willing to consider. And immortality would be really useful."

"Well, I know that! What does it have to do with this?"

The dragon's voice lowered.

"What I mean," he said slowly, "is that immortality would be really useful to you, right now."

Bulma stopped, as she suddenly got the drift. She tried to not let any reaction show, stay relaxed as if nothing was happening, and casually put the binoculars back into her bag. She wondered what had happened to Goku, how far he was, and how much of a mistake it had been to waste so much time here, enough to obviously let someone catch up. Good thing the dragon had been willing to drop a few hints to her from the height of his omniscience, if only because he was worried his permanence in the material world would drag on even longer otherwise. At least they had something they could mutually benefit from, there. Trying not to shake visibly from the sudden jolt of adrenaline, Bulma drew in a short breath, then turned to talk as if what she was about to say wouldn't change her fate forever.

"Dragon," she shouted, quickly, "make me immo..."

The bullet crossed her skull from one side to the other, splattering her brain on the desert's dirt.

And that's that! Sorry for the long wait, but next chapter is really long, and I wanted to have it all down before I uploaded this one. I have good and bad news. The good is, the next chapter is probably going to be up next week, with a lot of revelations and the grand finale of this arc! The bad is, I think I'll take a bit of a pause after that before I start posting the next arc. I'm not burned out, but I want to avoid getting to that point, and I felt like I was already risking lowering the quality of my writing just out of weariness. Don't worry, the story isn't in danger, but I need to breathe a bit and put my thoughts in order.

Thanks for the reviews! A lot of people have brought up the possibility that Shenlong would just give Goku to Bulma as her perfect boyfriend. While I'm not opposed to the idea of them getting together eventually (though I'll be fair, I haven't been thinking much about future pairings yet), right now I'd say he's a bit too young for her. Literally: Bulma asked the dragon for a male human between the ages of 16 and 20, and Goku fails TWO of those conditions (he's neither older than 16 nor human). As for Chichi/Shu, I didn't intend that scene as a hint of any kind of romance - Chichi is just a little girl who can't resist fluffy things! Again, the age difference there is pretty huge, Shu already worked in Pilaf's company as an engineer before this adventure started. As for him being a dog, I won't take it too literally. Even if he was, say, four years old following the classic seven-to-one dog vs. human years equivalence, he'd still have the mental age of a twenty eight years old. Plus there's all sorts of problems with the idea of sapient anthropomorphic animals who keep their original lifespan so let's just assume that all humanoid animals in the Dragon World have approximately the same lifespan as humans and leave it at that.