Day 8: Khe Sanh to Long Son

83.3mi, 6,572ft

I leave Khe Sanh loaded up with water and food for the 80 mile ride. 16 miles in I hit an unexpected town and grab two banh mis of the non-egg varietal. Obvious mistake. I continue riding but feel off for about 30 minutes.

As I leave town the road drops through farmland then climbs for about 10 miles, reaching 3,500 feet before descending into a valley. Around mile 43 the road kicks up and I’m back in the jungle, riding one switchback after the next for 40 miles. Aside from the animals and viruses that want to kill me, there ain’t much out here.

I stay in Long Son at the hotel, which looks like it could have been a car dealership in a past life. It has a huge front room with absolutely nothing in it. I can’t find anyone working or staying there so I go back onto the village’s tiny main stretch and buy a pineapple at a small shack. After sloppily peeling and eating it on the hotel stoop I investigate the single floor building again. Turns out the proprietor is sleeping in one of the rooms. I wake him up and he seems to have trouble understanding what I’m after, which is a bit odd. Eventually we sort the room out though he never seems to leave his sleepy, probably intoxicated, haze for the remainder of my stay. Also, he’s one of those Vietnamese dudes that regularly and loudly hawks up phlegm, which is particularly gross in an echoey building. Anyway, the room is fine.

Based on a comment in Tom’s guide, I eat dinner at a home near the hotel. Two huge plates of eggs, greens, and rice covered in chilis. A group of men working next door stop to investigate my bike. Throughout Vietnam people insist on grabbing the tires and knowing the price of my bike. They never approve of the 28mm tire width and are always shocked at the price, which I eventually decide is $800, an inaccurate number that’s high enough to trigger their desired response of “wow, that’s a lot” without making me look like a total moron for owning a bike worth more than their scooters.

Walking back to the hotel I’m glad to have split the trip to Phong Nha in two. It is possible to do the leg in one go but it’d be a long day with touring gear and mean passing stunning scenery in the dark.

Day 9: Long Son to Xuan Son

71.7mi, 7,067ft

Today is very, very damp. Around mile 20 the day’s climb begins, about 13 miles and 2,000 feet. It’s never difficult riding but the corduroy cement on worn tires proves to be a grippy, slow combination. On several occasions I get off the bike and inspect it for brake rub, hub issues, or a trailer I didn’t realize I’m pulling. Turns out the road is just slow and after days of loaded touring and horrendous nutrition my legs don’t have much gas. I continue on, so slowly.

At mile 41 the most grin-inducing descent of the entire trip begins. It’s only 6 miles and 1,500 feet but after miles and miles of sticky cement it’s perfect. When I reach the end I can either turn right and go into Xuan Son or continue straight and visit one of Phong Nha’s famous caves. I opt to check out Thien Duong aka Paradise Cave. I’m not sure if something called Paradise Cave will be the worst thing I’ve ever experienced or actually cool. Turns out it’s really neat. I’m there on a weekday during the off season so it’s nearly empty. After an hour or so inside the cave I hop back on the bike and ride the 15 miles into town.

I stay in the Heritage by Night Hotel, which is overpriced (350,000 VND vs the normal 200–250k) and has terrible Wi-Fi. That said, it is distinctly without any of the backpackers that seem to fuel Xuan Son’s downtown of overpriced food and loud hostels. I heard the Phong Nha Farmstay is a nice option but their only available rooms were over 1M VND so I decide to pass.

Day 10: Xuan Son to Pho Chau

113.2mi, 4,770ft

Before seeing the backpacker wasteland of Xuan Son I considered spending a second day around Phong Nha so I could check out another cave. I can’t stomach another day near that town so I hit the road.

After about 10 miles the day’s only climb starts, ascending 1,500 feet over 10 miles. During the descent my Revelate Sweetroll slips and starts lightly rubbing on my front wheel. I have headphones in and can’t hear it. By the end of the hill there’s a quarter-sized hole in the bag and a tire-shaped divot in the plastic coating on my u-lock inside the bag. Exasperated, I curse the thing for the 50th time of the trip and cinch things up as best I can.

Around mile 63 the road turns left and straightens out. I have the distinct sense that the fun, scenic part of the trip is over. I am right.

I reach Pho Chau and enter the only hotel of the trip that’s too dirty for even me, Khach san Ngan Pho. On seeing the cell they graciously allow me to pay for, I turn around and walk out. I find a perfectly nice room at the Ly Ha Hotel down the block. At the time I have no clue how fortunate that choice will be. I’ll be spending a few nights in Pho Chau after an unwise dinner decision.

Once I finish cleaning off my bike, a mandatory daily task to prevent drivetrain implosion, I set out to find food. My banh mi search is unsuccessful but I see a restaurant with people eating it, which is a good sign. I order the plainest thing I can with some nutritional value: rice and eggs. After my first plateful I order a second, doubling down on my demise. I pay my bill, walk back to the hotel, and go to sleep.

Day 11: Pho Chau to Toilet

0.0mi, 0ft

Around midnight I wake up. Things are not well. I have a stomachache unlike one I’ve had in years. I think I’m going to throw up. Yup, I’m throwing up… now. My ungraceful and complete purge will continue for the next nine hours. I won’t be riding bikes today.

Around noon I trudge downstairs in zombie mode and show the hotel owner’s daughter a picture of Pedialyte. She laughs. I will not be getting Pedialyte in Pho Chau.

But I’m determined to not die. My day will end in a better state than it began. I throw a leg over my bike and head toward the central market. Surely someone has to sell some kind of concoction that will help me not die. Where are the elixirs made from endangered species I’ve heard about?

I find a window that looks like a pharmacy thing. I show the women inside a picture of Pedialyte. They take my phone, look at more pictures of Pedialyte, then say no without offering any other information. Dealing with people in Vietnam often unfolds this way. It’s like interacting with your computer terminal. “Do you have this?” “No.” And that’s it. No suggestions as to alternatives. No ideas as to where you might find it. It’s annoying.

Anyway, I see another pharmacy window thing and show the pharmacist the same photo. I get the same response, a hand gesture that means “I don’t have the thing you want.” At this point I’ve reached the edge of town so I’m ready to be a bit more creative. After a dozen translations via Google Translate — tip: only use it to translate nouns, full sentences seem to come out as incomprehensible — she decides to dig around her stores and unearths something called Oresol, which upon shaking the tube sounds like tablets. Maybe it’s similar to Alka-Seltzer? Good enough. I buy two tubes.

Feeling like I’m on a roll, I wonder if she has anything like Emergen-C, which might mix nicely with whatever this Oresol is. No luck with Google Translate. I start to point at stuff behind the counter. We find some packets that have pictures of oranges on them, they feel hard but look good enough. I’ll take ten. Back at the hotel I discover I’ve purchased ten packets of Flintstone-like vitamins. One out of two ain’t bad though.

The Oresol mix goes down fairly well and I slowly eat some bread, which also goes down ok. I feel pretty exhausted but desperately want to leave Pho Chau. I’ll head out tomorrow.

Day 12: Pho Chau to Thai Hoa

89.0mi, 3,399ft

This is not a fun ride. I throw up once and don’t want to eat at all, which compounds my fatigue. The highlight of the day is reaching the end and seeing a kid power washing a bus. I pull over and ask if we can clean my bike. We take turns blasting the hell out of it, which is fun. I should end more rides with power tools.

I stay in the Ngoc Ha Hotel. It’s fine.

Day 13: Thai Hoa to Hanoi

157.4mi, 4,173ft

Today I have to make a choice: buckle down and make Hanoi or split the leg in two days. I leave early and punt the decision to mile 82, where there’s a homestay option. There are some scenic-ish bits along the way but I’ve lost interest.

At mile 82 I feel tired but know I can finish the ride without much trouble so I make the call for Hanoi. Entering the city isn’t fun but not nearly as bad as leaving Saigon.

I end the ride at the Nova Hotel, an expensive (600,000 VND) though very pleasant option with a comfortable bed and great shower.

I’m tired and the bike is in rough shape but we made it. 2,000km of occasionally scenic roads in the books. Now for some cultural meat and a beer.

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Here are the tips that didn’t make it into the report.

1. I wouldn’t recommend someone else do this ride. However, a very fun trip would be from Day 5, Mile 70 to Day 10, Mile 64. Better still would be doing that stretch with a SAG wagon carrying all your stuff and plenty of high quality food. Nutrition was a big problem for me.

2. You must be able to fix everything on your bike. I got zero, yes zero, flats on this ride but did have to deal with a loosening rear hub, a left crank trying to unscrew itself, and a front derailleur shifting horribly from unending dirt exposure.

3. These roads are very dirty. You’ll need to clean your bike every day to keep it moderately functional.

4. The Kryptonite U-Lock I brought was totally overkill. In Vietnamese cities there are security guards to watch over scooters and bikes at almost every shop. In the countryside my bike never left my sight. Also, people here want scooters more than your silly bicycle. A simple cable lock would be fine.

5. When planning daily miles, be conservative. Keep in mind that you’ll need to do the miles even when it’s pouring rain and you have several mechanicals.

6. I didn’t bring camping gear because I knew hotels would be super cheap. It’s obviously possible to camp but I wouldn’t recommend it. I saw very few attractive roadside options and think the language barrier with farmers would prove to be a real challenge. There’s also unexploded ordnance littered all over Vietnam from the war so…

Selected Gear Notes

Highlights:

Rapha Classic Jersey — Mine’s seen a ton of use and is ready to be retired but I’ll be replacing it with the same thing. This is the only jersey I brought.

Shimano SH-M163 Shoes — These were the perfect choice. Stiff enough to ride long days but totally comfortable when walking. They’re the only shoes I brought.

Cuben Fiber Electronics Sleeves — I had extra CF lying around so I made sleeves for my phone and laptop. They were a nice precaution when the rain was really coming down.

Clement Strada LGG 28mm Tires — Great choice for questionably-paved roads. That said, they aren’t the longest lasting tire so you might want to consider alternatives for touring.

Meh:

Revelate Tangle Frame Bag — Got the job done but it’s not great. One thing in particular is super annoying. The lefthand pocket has an internal sleeve whose top is at the exact height of the outer zipper. It gets caught in the zipper often enough for it to be an issue.

Revelate Viscacha Saddle Bag — Works but wiggles when you’re out of the saddle. I’d recommend buying one with a support like the Porcelain Rocket version.

Lezyne Road Drive Pump — Works but also ripped the valve out of the stem on two occasions. It’s probable that this was user error but in my mind that’s a bad design.

Rapha Backpack — I decided to bring my laptop so that meant either panniers or a backpack. I opted for the backpack. This bag’s build materials, especially the zippers, aren’t nearly as nice as what I’ve come to expect from Rapha.

iPhone 6S — Great GPS with a mediocre camera.

Garmin 510 —Buggy routing and clumsy touchscreen but good ride tracking with a long battery life.

Bad:

Revelate Sweet Roll — Doesn’t work well on a road bike with any substantial weight. Always slipping down into the tire. Would not recommend.

ProLink Chain Lube— Lube works but the bottle is prone to leaking so it’s a poor choice for touring.