Plop Your Infant In Front Of These Pictures Of Gore Vidal While You Go Spend A Week In Las Vegas! [Sponsored By The Las Vegas Tourism Board]

As a parent, it can be hard to find the time or a sitter to take a trip somewhere special with your significant other. That’s why the Las Vegas Tourism Board is proud to present this collection of pictures of deceased public intellectual Gore Vidal that you can set your infant in front of, freeing you to indulge in a luxurious trip to Sin City!

Gore Vidal was one of the most original American thinkers and writers of the past century, and plopping your child down in front of pictures of him can presumably only make them smarter. So go ahead, dump your kid here and go live it up in beautiful, decadent Las Vegas!

A quick weekend getaway? A week? Three weeks? No matter how long of a vacation you want to take, your baby will remain safe and sound here in the glow of Gore Vidal’s stern, unsmiling visage. Set your baby down and come to Las Vegas right now.

Be spontaneous. Duct-tape your baby in place in front of this Gore Vidal picture so they can’t crawl away and do mischief, and then treat yourself to a first-class ticket on the next flight out of town. If you hurry, you can make it in time for the Cirque du Soleil late show!

Look! Here is Gore Vidal with an animal! Children love animals! What a fantastic treat it will be for your baby to look at this picture of Gore Vidal and an animal for days on end while you are away gambling and behaving rowdy in Vegas.

Yep, whether you’re living it up poolside at the Luxor or hitting jackpots at Caesars Palace, ol’ Gore Vidal here’s got the sitter situation covered. He will gaze unblinkingly at your baby, and your baby will gaze back.

Do not wait. Put your infant down here before this photograph of a dead old person and go enjoy the vacation of a lifetime. Do it. It is a good idea. We will not tell. Your baby is safe. Come spend money in Las Vegas with your husband or wife or person you’re having an affair with. Gore Vidal has everything under control. Do it. You must.