It's one of my fondest memories of coaching girls hockey, but sadly if it had occurred in a league in Toronto it would have been frowned upon.

It was last season and I don't remember who we were playing or if we won, because that didn't matter. What was important was one of the peewee goalies I spent a lot of time with in practice was playing brilliantly and her recent success was a direct result of her hard work in drills.

It was between periods and we were chatting at the bench as usual, with her on the ice and me on the other side of the boards. The 11-year-old goalie, who had endured some difficult times earlier in the season, was so thrilled with her performance and caught up in the moment, she blurted out: "Give me a hug, Coach Doug," and threw her arms around me, knocking my glasses askew with her blocker.

That moment came to my mind after watching CTV's report Thursday, regarding a new directive issued earlier this week by the Toronto Leaside Girls Hockey Association. CTV had a copy of the email sent out by house league vice president, John Reynolds.

It stated: "On bench behaviour — under no circumstances should there be contact with the players, in any way, putting hands on shoulders, slapping butts, tapping them on the helmet, NOTHING ... this can make some girls uncomfortable and you won't know which ones, so no contact period."

This over-the-top directive reportedly was the result of a recent complaint about a single gesture of congratulations from a coach to a player that some parents felt was inappropriate.

So instead of talking with that one coach, let's just assume all coaches need to be cautioned with a broad restriction?

I agree with the common sense directive about slapping butts and I realize there are some players who are more sensitive about their personal space, and that's not only girls. But there are times that a girl will come off the ice bawling after a miscue, and the natural instinct of any coach with a pulse is to put a hand on the kid's shoulder and try to console her.

Hockey Manitoba executive director, Peter Woods, said such a strict stance would eliminate an important aspect of coaching, team building and encouragement.

"To identify that every contact with a player is interpreted as inappropriate is really unfortunate," Woods said Friday morning.

"To put an arm around somebody or tap them on the shoulder as encouragement should not be interpreted as offensive. To just draw a line in the sand and eliminate all that is really unfortunate and a poor reflection of the society we live in today."

Woods has had occasions where he's contacted individual coaches to discuss their behaviour and in some circumstances it was to prevent the coaches from having their actions misinterpreted as inappropriate.

Don McIntosh, Hockey Winnipeg's president who has coached girls teams in the past, said it's always a good idea to have a woman on the bench or at least a mom who could be present in the dressing room.

"Hockey Winnipeg doesn't have a specific guideline on it other than using common sense," McIntosh said. "I've never heard of too many problems in Winnipeg regarding those issues."

The Toronto Leaside Girls Hockey Association, following the media reports Thursday, issued a clarification. It stated it's acceptable to touch players in instances such as helping with equipment, assisting young players on and off the bench, or helping an injured player off the ice.

'Common sense has to prevail': Parents, coaches

Rick Farmer knows coaching girls’ sports comes with a different set of boundaries, but doesn’t plan to make any changes in light of a ban on contact with athletes on the bench instituted by a Toronto girls hockey league.

“Common sense has to prevail,” Farmer said Saturday before his Seven Oaks Rockets female novice team took on the Dakota Lazers at Maples Multiplex. “The idea that I’m not allowed to pat someone on the head for a good job, to me that’s going too far simply because of a small minority who’ve taken it too far so now we’re blanket-banning everything.

“I don’t have any second thoughts about a tap on the head to say, ‘Way to go, kiddo.’”

The Toronto Leaside Girls Hockey Association issued the directive after receiving a complaint about a parent volunteer on the bench who slapped a girl on the backside and squeezed her shoulder.

Farmer, a middle school physical education teacher who has coached girls hockey for five years and girls basketball for 10, said he’s steered clear of that kind of behaviour for many years for both girls and boys.

The team of eight-year-old girls always has at least one woman on the bench and in the locker room. And while parents spoken to Saturday said they’ve never had an issue with a coach, they felt problems could be dealt with on an individual basis first.

“If it doesn’t feel right, it’s not right,” said Jonny Little, whose daughter Katy plays on the Rockets. “If your kid tells you something, you go and say, ‘Just so you know, my kid feels uncomfortable. If it happens again, obviously you go somewhere else.”

Past incidents have also led to more rigorous screening processes for those wanting to get behind the bench, so there’s no need to take a motivational tool out of their belt, parents felt.

“It’s a joke. Everything is getting taken too far. It’s ridiculous already,” Kristin Tomsic, whose daughter plays for the Lazers, said.

Tomsic wondered if tucking in her daughter’s jersey would be allowed in Toronto, and it would, along with fist bumps, high-fives, helping an injured player off the ice or during a shift change.

Among the reasons for not allowing a pat on the helmet, it was suggested it could cause an injury.

“If you’re hitting somebody hard enough on the head to cause a concussion, there’s an issue there,” Farmer said.

kevin.king@sunmedia.ca​