I hope that at the end of the world

Dracula and I can meet up at IHOP

And trade stories about it all

Because I don’t know if you’ve ever meet Dracula

But that guy has some good stories

He told me a great one once,

I can’t do it justice

But I’ll try to give you the bullet points.

When Dracula was young

He was never all that lucky in love

There wasn’t that much of a craze for the undead back then,

So you can imagine that it must have been hard for a vampire

To find someone to hold

While you wait for the morning (or the night, if that’s how you want to look at it)

But there was one goth girl (visagoth mind you)

That seemed to have eyes for him

But the Valkyries, being Valkyries

Couldn’t stand to see Dracula happy

So they stole her

Up to the highest point of Olympus

To be the bride of Ra

So long story short

Dracula had to fight his way to the top

He slaughtered millions

They were unimportant to him

They seemed to just explode in

And out

Of existence.

Immortality can be complicated

But the irony was

That when he got there

She was already a character in a romantic poem

I promised Drac that I would tell him a story as good as that one

One day

But the truth is

Even if I have until the end of days

I’ll probably never get my hands on one

So I’ll have to tell him this one instead

You were young

I was young

Everything seemed young

Or maybe the poet was young

Someone was

And I thought we might have had something

You laughed

And I guess that’s a pretty bad criterion

But it’s the only one I knew

And the only one that really matters

You laughed when it counted

At the things I hoped you would

And your laugh reminded me

Of the warm hiss before the record starts

(Which is the only reason people listen to records anymore)

That and our shared love of melodic sound

Was all I thought we would need

You could laugh

And the music would be cued

And for a little while there

You had me believe I was right

That the only thing that was keeping us apart

Was father time

And he’s so old

He’ll probably die soon anyway

But I guess he got a pacemaker

Because time didn’t seem to make us any closer

So I’ll wait

And keep waiting probably

Because I’m stubborn

And to stupid to do much else

And you’ll just end up a character

In someone else’s romantic poem

And I’ll tell this to Dracula

As we watch flaming skulls devour the unworthy

And we devour far too much chicken fried steak

He’ll tell me his story was better

And that I stole his ending

We’ll laugh

And I’ll say

“You’re probably right”