This is a heartfelt letter written from a woman by the name of Jenn Sinclair. She is from Alberta, Canada, and has left the organization. She wrote this letter to her family, pleading that they would come to the truth.

A letter in her own words…..

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“Hi Guys,

Before you read this letter, please stop and pray for the ability to read the letter, and come to know I am doing as we are invited at: James 4:4 "Draw close to God, and he will draw close to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you indecisive ones. Please don't scan over the scriptures I copied and pasted from our bible. Please carefully read each one.

I also have prayed before each session that i sat down to write this. I prayed that i could use scripture to explain my thoughts. That I could express it like how we are instructed at 1Peter 3:15"But sanctify the Christ as Lord in your hearts, always ready to make a defence before everyone who demands of you a reason for the hope you have, but doing so with a mild temper and deep respect"

I know that you guys have sensed for months that something is wrong with me. And there has been. You may have unrest & an unsettled feeling and for that I'm truly sorry. Before I get into it I want to take this time to let you know i love you guys. I cherish every memory of our times together. The laughs. The cries. All if it. Please Please just absorb that.

Mom wrote me a letter once when I was a teenager. In all honesty I'm not sure how I haven't lost it in moving so many times. Her words expressed how desperate she was that I wasn't spiritually inclined. I was distracted. Mostly by boys the letter says LOL. How true that was. In fact, I had wondered why I hadn't inherited the "Spiritual Gene" she had. I found the letter again when I started studying after dad died. While i was in the process of studying, i loved reading the bible. For the first time in my life i had what she had desired that i have all along. I realized I had a spiritual need. But the truth is, I have always somewhere deep inside me the need to feel like I'm not hiding from God. Even as a rebellious teenager getting into all sorts of trouble, (seriously not putting it together that the people in the bible were more than just characters like Mickey Mouse, Indiana Jones, Superman Ect, but actual people like you & me) I had always been the one who decided to confess my sins before God to the elders. But now it was like i was actually listening to God and not just acknowledging he's somewhere out there watching all my bad behaviour and trouble with boys. When i would open the bible and read it, it felt like God was talking to me as an individual and that makes sense because it says at: Heb 4:12 " For the word of God is alive and exerts power and is sharper than any two-edged sword and pierces even to the dividing of soul and spirit, and of joints from the marrow, and is able to discern thoughts and intentions of the heart"

When Mom was here for Zac's Grad, she asked what was going on? I told her about what I'm going to tell you now.

In moms email she wrote me after she left my house she used: Proverbs 3:5-8 "Trust in Jehovah with all your heart, And do not rely on your own understanding. In all your ways take notice of him, And he will make your paths straight. Do not become wise in your own eyes. Fear Jehovah and turn away from bad. It will be a healing to your body And refreshment for your bones." I agree we need to do that. We hear & learn from God through His Word.

At the Christmas season, I had a passenger get on my bus. Because my bus was empty & she was sitting right next to me with her baby I asked her how her holiday season was going. Obviously we look for occasions to informal witness and I use occasions like this to do that. Simply because after you ask them how their holidays went, 9 times outta 10 they reciprocate the question to you. Here's where i look for the opportunity to talk about the bible, since I've always been way more comfortable informal witnessing than in the Door to door ministry. Something I have always struggled with (And in all honesty have not been regular with. Ever. So i try to make up for it witnessing at work) Once I asked her, she asked me. So I told her I was a Jehovah's Witness and right away she said she was raised as one and that her mother still is. But that she left as a teenager(she looked about 25). Anyway we talked about that for a bit and than just before she got off my bus she asked if I had heard about the Australian Royal Commissions investigation into Jehovah's Witnesses. I said "No".

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She said yah it was crazy that they had found 1006 Pedophiles & over 1800 victims in just Australia alone, that the Organization knew about, but failed to report to the authorities. Zero reported. I was shocked. I didn't believe it was possible. Then she got off my bus. I drove around ticked off that Satan was spreading lies about God's Organization, insinuating that God doesn't protect his children. But Deep inside I had this burning feeling. The reason is, is because I was sexual abused between the ages of 6-13 in literally every city we lived in, by different people. As a child I thought that's what was suppose to happen. I thought it was supposed to be a secret. Don't tell any adults. In more recent times, when I would hear stories of the Catholic Church & it's mishandling of Adult Pedophiles therefore inflicting pain on more & more children I was so angry. Then I would think to myself "How is it Catholic members can possibly stay catholic knowing their leaders fail to protect their own people?" Watching the horrors of how the abuse destroyed families. It was all heart breaking.

At the time I would be so thankful that I was part of an Organization where it looked after its members. Protected us. Than to hear rumour it's not I was in disbelief. It's a subjected that's deeply affected my life, and as a free moral agent I have a right to find out for myself, if in fact it's true. Determined "not to be led away by satan" and go on apostate sites I googled "Australian Royal Commission Jehovah's Witness's. The very first suggestion was the Australian Commissions Government site. We (Jehovah's Witnesses are case study 29. Meaning we were the 29th group being investigated). My whole reality ended. It was true. There was also a link for video footage (from YouTube) of the court proceedings. It's all on video footage.

When I saw the video footage of the Governing Body Member, Geoffrey Jackson in court at the Australian Royal Commission in Australian, being asked if The Governing Body is "inspired of God" and his reply was that 'they are not inspired or infallible". I though "What! Oh my God I have been trusting a group of men with my salvation!" And my immediate thought was the scripture at: Psalms 146:3 " Do not put your trust in princes, Nor in a son of man, who cannot bring salvation". "Inspired" and " Spirit Directed" are the exact same thing. And no one is going to tell me otherwise. Holy Spirit directed the bible writers to record the scriptures for us. At our meetings I regularly hear from the platform that this is "God's Spirit Directed Organization". I asked myself "How is that possible if Geoffrey admitted the Governing Body isn't inspired?" But it got worse. Not only did Geoffrey Jackson say the above statement, he was also asked by the Lawyer if he felt the the Governing Body was God's only spokesman He's using today. Geoffrey Jackson said " I think it would be presumptuous to say so". I wanted to vomit i was so upset.

Jesus said at: Luke 21:12-15 "But before all these things happen, people will lay their hands on you and persecute you, handing you over to the synagogues and prisons. You will be brought before kings and governors for the sake of my name. It will result in your giving a witness. Therefore, resolve in your hearts not to rehearse beforehand how to make your defence, for I will give you words and wisdom that all your opposers together will not be able to resist or dispute"

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I can only ask myself: "Why would Jesus indicate it would be presumptuous to think Jehovahs Witness's are God's only Organization? What is he trying to tell us? In all honesty Guys that's my big problem. Jesus told the public its presumptuous to think we are Gods only spokesman He's using today. Am i going to argue with Jesus? Absolutely not! The court case got even worse. Of all the groups investigated (which included all religions, sports groups and any other groups that deal with children, so it can't even be argued that it was "persecution" since all groups were being investigated. Not just Jehovah's Witnesses) , Jehovah's Witnesses were the Worst Group for how it handled cases of Child Abuse. That means worse than the Catholic Religion. They also have refused to change the "two witness rule". So unless two children come forward about the same perpetrator, and the perpetrator denies it, it's left " in Jehovah's hands to handle in his own due time", unless, the parents have the courage to go to the authorities and then worry about the "reproach brought on Jehovah' name. Meaning my daughter could be exposed to a Child Abuser and I would be completely left in the Dark about it. I ask myself " Why would Jehovah be so unloving and not protect my children? Is that what happened to me way in the beginning?" I have hardly any memories growing up. I have snippets of memories. I have often asked myself "Why?" I come to find out now that, that is a side effect of being abused.

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We are taught regularly at the meetings, assemblies, Regional Conventions and in all the publications that this Organization is God's only organization that he is using (which is the opposite of what Geoffrey Jackson said in court). In fact that was the theme of the 2016 Regional Convention "Remain Loyal to Jehovah!" or in other words "Remain Loyal to God's Organization!" Examining my faith and who I allow to teach me, affects not only my salvation, but also my children's. I am very well aware of that, and that's why I am examining my belief system. And honestly, when we study with people in the Ministry we have them go over their belief system with a fine tooth comb. Should we be any different? In my opinion, the answer is "No". But why should I examine whether I'm in the faith? Because that's what God says to do at: 2 Corinthians 13:5 "Keep testing whether you are in the faith; keep proving what you yourselves are. Or do you not recognize that Jesus Christ is in union with you? Unless you are disapproved."

When I watched the court footage of the Australian Royal Commission, I instantly felt angry. I, in the years leading up to this year had allowed a group of uninspired men tell me in their magazines that I was likely "mentally diseased or had emotional problems" if i felt I had a heavenly calling. I would sit in the memorial and this voice inside me was telling me to partake of the emblems (and I'm already arguing with myself "like shut up, who are you? You aren't a pioneer, you struggle to even get to the meetings?") and I would ignore that voice because magazine articles indicated people likely have mental or emotional problems for having that inner voice. I also wouldn't talk about it with friends or family. The one person I did talk about it with back in 2010 looked at me like I was crazy. And their words indicated I probably was. I already felt crazy. I completely shut down and quite studying and researching the bible at the point. I simply was going through the motions of going to the meetings. Slowly things were eroding. But I still cling onto straws of our faith. Hoping Jehovah would still love me even tho i was failing him horribly, everyday that went by was a day closer to me being destroyed at Armageddon.

Watchtower 2016 January (Study Edition) "We Want To Go With You" Paragraph 13 “Jehovah knows those who belong to him.” (2 Tim. 2:19) Those taking the count at the Memorial cannot judge who truly have the heavenly hope. The number of partakers includes those who mistakenly think that they are anointed. Some who at one point started to partake of the emblems later stopped. Others may have mental or emotional problems that lead them to believe that they will rule with Christ in heaven. Therefore, the number of partakers does not accurately indicate the number of anointed ones left on earth." I would go home and feel guilt for rejecting that inner voice out of, fear of men. Looking back now I think of: Proverbs 29:25 " Trembling at men is a snare, But the one trusting in Jehovah will be protected"

So thats where I am now. Examining the Scriptures like the people of Berea at: Acts 17:11 "Now these were more noble-minded than those in Thes·sa·lo·niʹca, for they accepted the word with the greatest eagerness of mind, carefully examining the Scriptures daily to see whether these things were so."

My next question to myself is " Did the Boreans have other publications ( Publications written by the Apostles) to help them learn about God? The answer is " No". Than I asked " Why did would Jehovah go to great lengths to have the bible written and than preserved for almost 2000 years after Jesus returned to heaven only to wait those 2000 years to publish truths for his people through a "Faithful and Discreet Slave" ? And than every so often he has to "clarify" a truth, after we've spent decades teaching one thing and than have to teach it a new way. Why wouldn't His Spirit give the complete truth? I ask myself this because I know that when Jehovah would give prophecies about the coming "seed" the prophecy were correct the first time. There was never having to correct a previous prophecy.

So I began to examine what the Bible says about the Good News since it says at: Matt 24:14 "And this good news of the Kingdom will be preached in all the inhabited earth for a witness to all the nations, and then the end will come" and we say as witnesses that proves we have the truth. That we are fulfilling prophecy.

So I typed those two words into the search on the JW App

This is what comes up about the Good News:

Acts 8:35 "Philip began to speak, and starting with this scripture, he declared to him the good news about Jesus.

Acts 10:36 He sent out the word to the sons of Israel to declare to them the good news of peace through Jesus Christ—this one is Lord of all

Acts 11:20 However, some of the men among them from Cyʹprus and Cy·reʹne came to Antioch and began talking to the Greek-speaking people, declaring the good news of the Lord Jesus.

Acts 13:32 So we are declaring to you the good news about the promise made to the forefathers

1Cor 9:12 If other men have this rightful claim over you, do we not have it much more so? Nevertheless, we have not made use of this right, but we are enduring all things so that we might not in any way hinder the good news about the Christ

2Cor 2:12 Now when I arrived in Troʹas to declare the good news about the Christ and a door was opened to me in the Lord

2 Cor 4:4 among whom the god of this system of things has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, so that the illumination of the glorious good news about the Christ, who is the image of God

2Cor 9:13 Through the proof that this relief ministry gives, they glorify God because you are submissive to the good news about the Christ, as you publicly declared, and because you are generous in your contribution to them and to all

2Cor 10:14 Really, we are not overextending ourselves as if we did not reach you, for we were the first to reach as far as you with the good news about the Christ

2Cor 11:4 For as it is, if someone comes and preaches a Jesus other than the one we preached, or you receive a spirit other than what you received, or good news other than what you accepted, you easily put up with him.

2Cor 11:7 Or did I commit a sin by humbling myself that you might be exalted, because I gladly declared the good news of God to you without cost?

Gal 1:6 I am amazed that you are so quickly turning away from the One who called you with Christs undeserved kindness to another sort of good news.

Gal 1:16 to reveal his Son through me so that I might declare the good news about him to the nations, I did not immediately consult with any human

Eph1:13 But you also hoped in him after you heard the word of truth, the good news about your salvation. After you believed, you were sealed by means of him with the promised holy spirit

Phil 1:27 Only behave in a manner worthy of the good news about the Christ, so that whether I come and see you or I am absent, I may hear about you and learn that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one soul, striving side by side for the faith of the good news

1 these 2:8 So having tender affection for you, we were determined to impart to you, not only the good news of God but also our very selves, because you became so beloved to us

1 these 2:9 Surely you remember, brothers, our labor and toil. We were working night and day, so that we would not put an expensive burden on any one of you, when we preached the good news of God to you

1 Thess 3:2 and we sent Timothy, our brother and Gods minister in the good news about the Christ, to make you firm

2 these 1:8 in a flaming fire, as he brings vengeance on those who do not know God and those who do not obey the good news about our Lord Jesus.

1 Tim 1:11

2 Tim 2:8 Remember that Jesus Christ was raised up from the dead and was David’s offspring, according to the good news I preach

Hebrews 4:2

Rev 10:7 But in the days when the seventh angel is about to blow his trumpet, the sacred secret that God declared as good news to his own slaves the prophets is indeed brought to a finish

What do these scriptures indicate the good news is? (Question I am asking myself)

The Good News was about Christ. 1 Cor 15:3-4 specifically tells us what the Good News is: "For among the first things I handed on to you was what I also received, that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures; and that he was buried, yes, that he was raised up on the third day according to the Scriptures."

Christ died, was buried and then resurrected. That is not the Good News I am taught at the meetings to preach in our Ministry. Instead we preach that Jesus didn't become King of God's Kingdom until 1914 and at that time he returned invisibly and that is when the last days began. That is different Good News than Paul taught. There is no record anywhere in the bible where Paul taught to watch for a new Good News to arrive on the scene that said, "Jesus would return invisibly in 1914". It does say at: Galatians 1:6-9 "I am amazed that you are so quickly turning away from the One who called you with Christs undeserved kindness to another sort of good news. Not that there is another good news; but there are certain ones who are causing you trouble and wanting to distort the good news about the Christ. However, even if we or an angel out of heaven were to declare to you as good news something beyond the good news we declared to you, let him be accursed. As we have said before, I now say again, Whoever is declaring to you as good news something beyond what you accepted, let him be accursed." Can you see how I'm troubled guys? I don't want to be accursed or my children. And Paul very clearly says that if we teach a good news beyond what paul declared we will be accursed. This is a life and death matter. This involves my eternal future and also my children's.

The scripture mom mentioned when she was here was Hebrews 10:24-25 "And let us consider one another so as to incite to love and fine works, not forsaking our meeting together, as some have the custom, but encouraging one another, and all the more so as you see the day drawing near" and I think that's so true. As Christians we do need to gather together.

Even Jesus said at: Matt 18:20 "For where there are two or three gathered together in my name, there I am in their midst." My thought is, Why didn't Jesus say " gathered together in the name of Jehovah"?

Even after Jesus returned to Heaven His disciples wrote in: 1 Cor 5:4 "When you are gathered together in the name of our Lord Jesus, and knowing that I am with you in spirit along with the power of our Lord Jesus"

When we are gathered at our meetings at the Kingdom Hall, we are there being "taught by Jehovah". We are gathered in the "name of Jehovah". And while we are there we are being taught different "good news" that Paul taught. Do you see how my mind is troubled?

When Mom was here she mentioned about that name of Jehovah was to be made known or magnified to entire inhabited earth. When you type "Magnified" into the search of the JW app this is what comes up:

Psalms 35:27 " But let those who take pleasure in my righteousness shout joyfully;May they constantly say:“May Jehovah be magnified, who takes pleasure in the peace of his servant.

Psalm 40:16 " But let those seeking you Exult and rejoice in you.May those who love your acts of salvation always say:“May Jehovah be magnified

Psalm 70:4 " But let those who are seeking you Exult and rejoice in you.May those who love your acts of salvation always say:“May God be magnified!”

Psalm 138:2 "I will bow down toward your holy temple,And I will praise your name Because of your loyal love and your faithfulness.For you have magnified your saying and your name above everything else

Malachi 1:5 "Your own eyes will see it, and you will say: “May Jehovah be magnified over the territory of Israel."

Acts 19:17 "This became known to all, both the Jews and the Greeks who lived in Ephʹe·sus; and fear fell upon them all, and the name of the Lord Jesus went on being magnified.

Phil 1:20 " This is in harmony with my eager expectation and hope that I will not be ashamed in any respect, but that with all freeness of speech Christ will now, as always before, be magnified by means of my body, whether through life or through death."

Before Jesus time, the Bible speaks of Jehovah being magnified. But after Jesus death & Resurrection it was the name of Jesus that was being preached by the First Century Christians. Jesus name was being made known and magnified.

Even Jesus himself said at: Acts 1:8 " But you will receive power when the holy spirit comes upon you, and you will be witnesses of me in Jerusalem, in all Ju·deʹa and Sa·marʹi·a, and to the most distant part of the earth." So why, when I go door to door am I talking about the name of Jehovah, not the name of Jesus, like even Jesus said I should? Do you see how I am concerned?

In fact, when I type "Jesus as Lord" and " Jesus is Lord" in the JW APP my mind is blown at the context of all of the Greek Scriptures. Their message was for people to have faith in the " good news" of Jesus having died and being resurrected on the third day. Romans 10:9-10 "For if you publicly declare with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and exercise faith in your heart that God raised him up from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one exercises faith for righteousness, but with the mouth one makes public declaration for salvation." I noticed it doesn't say "For if you publicly declare with your mouth that Jehovah is Lord, and exercise faith in your heart that God raised him up from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one exercises faith for righteousness, but with the mouth one makes public declaration for salvation."

I have been struggling with the fact that the name Jehovah has been inserted 237 times in our New World Translation where the word " Lord" ( not all capitals) and sometimes not even Lord but the word "God" is. I can understand in the original hebrew scripture putting it back where LORD ( all capitals) appears. But adding it where it's not capitals worries me. It worries me because it changes the context of the scripture. I'll show you examples: (A) is the scripture where Jehovah was added (B) is a contrasting scripture where the Jehovah could not be inserted because Jesus was there. And not just the word "Lord".

Example One:

A) Romans 14:11 " For it is written: “‘As surely as I live,’says Jehovah (Lord-only Capital L in the Kingdom Interlinear & King James),‘to me every knee will bend, and every tongue will make open acknowledgment to God.

The whole context of Romans 14 Is that, Paul is telling the Christians to not judge each other. That they each would stand before the throne of God for how they lived their lives. Specifically verses 8&9: "(8)For if we live, we live to Jehovah (Lord)and if we die, we die to Jehovah (Lord)So both if we live and if we die, we belong to Jehovah(Lord). (9)For to this end Christ died and came to life again, so that he might be Lord over both the dead and the living."

Read verse 8 using the name Jehovah where its inserted. Than read it again using the word "Lord" like is in the Kingdom Interlinear & King James Bible, and you will see how verse 9 makes sense that the original writers were talking about Jesus, and that it would be in the Name of Jesus every knee would bend, and that whether if we live or die he'll be Lord.

B) Philippians 2:9-10 " For this very reason, God exalted him to a superior position and kindly gave him the name that is above every other name, so that in the name of Jesus every knee should bend—of those in heaven and those on earth and those under the ground ( the living & the dead- Brackets are mine).

Example Two:

A)Romans 10:9-15 " For if you publicly declare with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and exercise faith in your heart that God raised him up from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one exercises faith for righteousness, but with the mouth one makes public declaration for salvation.For the scripture says: “No one who rests his faith on him will be disappointed.” For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek. There is the same Lord over all, who is rich toward all those calling on him. For “everyone who calls on the name of Jehovah( in the Kingdom Interlinear Bible & also the King James Version it is rendered "Lord". Not capitals) will be saved.”However, how will they call on him if they have not put faith in him? How, in turn, will they put faith in him about whom they have not heard? How, in turn, will they hear without someone to preach? How, in turn, will they preach unless they have been sent out? Just as it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who declare good news of good things!"

The context of those verses is that people needed to know about Jesus so they could call on Him, so they could have salvation. Remember the "Good News" I talked about above? I ask myself "Why would the translators of the New World Translation insert the Name of Jehovah and mess with the context of the "inspired" words of God?" This bothers my conscious.

B)Cor 1:2 " to the congregation of God that is in Corinth, to you who have been sanctified in union with Christ Jesus, called to be holy ones, together with all those everywhere who are calling on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, their Lord and ours"

Example Three:

A) Rev 22:6-7 He said to me: “These words are faithful and true yes, Jehovah ("Lord" in the Kingdom Interlinear and King James Bible) ,the God who inspired the prophets, has sent his angel to show his slaves the things that must shortly take place. Look! I am coming quickly. Happy is anyone observing the words of the prophecy of this scroll.”

The word "Lord" in the Greek Scriptures is Always referring to Jesus. John confirms this by saying replying " Come Lord Jesus" in the verse quoted below.

B) Rev 22:20 “The one who bears witness of these things says, ‘Yes, I am coming quickly.’“Amen! Come, Lord Jesus.”

Jesus himself tells us to come to him:

Matt 11:28 Come to me, all you who are toiling and loaded down, and I will refresh you

Mark 10:14 At seeing this, Jesus was indignant and said to them: “Let the young children come to me; do not try to stop them, for the Kingdom of God belongs to such ones

Luke6:47 Everyone who comes to me and hears my words and does them, I will show you whom he is like

Luke 14:26 If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple

Luke 18:16 However, Jesus called the infants to him, saying: “Let the young children come to me, and do not try to stop them, for the Kingdom of God belongs to such ones

John 5:40 And yet you do not want to come to me so that you may have life

John 6:35,37 Jesus said to them: “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will not get hungry at all, and whoever exercises faith in me will never get thirsty at all

All those whom the Father gives me will come to me, and I will never drive away the one who comes to me

John 6:44-45 No man can come to me unless the Father, who sent me, draws him, and I will resurrect him on the last day. It is written in the Prophets: ‘They will all be taught by Jehovah (the name Jehovah is added here, but the Kingdom Interlinear &King James reads "taught of God" It doesn't even have the word "Lord") Everyone who has listened to the Father and has learned comes to me

John 6:65 He went on to say: “This is why I have said to you, no one can come to me unless it is granted him by the Father.

John 7:37 On the last day, the great day of the festival, Jesus stood up and he called out: “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink"

Jesus gave his followers strong warning to pay attention that they not be lead away to someone else. Even though they had said to Jesus at: John 6:68 "Simon Peter answered him: “Lord, whom shall we go away to? You have sayings of everlasting life" They had full confidence they would remain a follower of Jesus. I ask myself, "Was Jesus confident they wouldn't be misled? What was Jesus words to his people?"

Matt 24:4-5 In answer Jesus said to them: “Look out that nobody misleads you, for many will come on the basis of my name, saying, ‘I am the Christ,’ and will mislead many

Matt 24:11 Many false prophets will arise and mislead many

Matt24:24 For false Christs and false prophets will arise and will perform great signs and wonders so as to mislead

Mark 13:5-6 So Jesus began to tell them: “Look out that nobody misleads you. Many will come on the basis of my name, saying, ‘I am he,’ and will mislead many.

Mark 13:22-23 For false Christs and false prophets will arise and will perform signs and wonders to lead astray, if possible, the chosen ones. You, then, watch out. I have told you all things beforehand.

Luke 21:8 He said: “Look out that you are not misled, for many will come on the basis of my name, saying, ‘I am he,’ and, ‘The due time is near.’ Do not go after them

There was an important event that happened at the moment of Jesus death that I read at: Matt 27:51 "And look! the curtain of the sanctuary was torn in two, from top to bottom, and the earth quaked, and the rocks were split"

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Insight On The Scriptures says this about the Most Holy that the curtain blocked: " Symbolic Use. The Most Holy compartment in the tent of meeting, or the tabernacle, contained the ark of the covenant; the cover of that Ark surmounted by two golden cherubs represented God’s throne. Therefore the Most Holy was used, figuratively, to represent the dwelling place of Jehovah God, heaven itself. The inspired letter to the Hebrews gives us this interpretation of matters when it compares the entry of Israel’s high priest into the Most Holy one day a year, on the Day of Atonement, with the entry of the great High Priest Jesus Christ into what the Most Holy symbolized, once for all time with his sacrifice for sins. It explains: “Into the second compartment [the Most Holy] the high priest alone enters once a year, not without blood, which he offers for himself and for the sins of ignorance of the people. . . . This very tent is an illustration for the appointed time that is now here . . . However, when Christ came as a high priest of the good things that have come to pass, through the greater and more perfect tent not made with hands, that is, not of this creation, he entered, no, not with the blood of goats and of young bulls, but with his own blood, once for all time into the holy place and obtained an everlasting deliverance for us. Therefore it was necessary that the typical representations of the things in the heavens should be cleansed by these means [blood of animal sacrifices sprinkled on them], but the heavenly things themselves with sacrifices that are better than such sacrifices. For Christ entered, not into a holy place made with hands, which is a copy of the reality, but into heaven itself, now to appear before the person of God for us.”—Heb 9:7-12, 23, 24."

Hebrews 10:19-22 "Therefore, brothers, since we have boldness for the way of entry into the holy place by the blood of Jesus, which he opened up for us as a new and living way through the curtain, that is, his flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us approach with sincere hearts and complete faith, having had our hearts sprinkled clean from a wicked conscience and our bodies bathed with clean water"

The tearing of the Curtain by God Himself allowed those who believe in Jesus to approach God. There was no longer required works to acquire Salvation, as there had been under the Law Covenant. Believers could approach God freely if they believed in Jesus. But like Jesus had said there would be false prophets that would mislead people and that was already happening at: Gal 3:1-3 "O senseless Ga·laʹtians! Who has brought you under this evil influence, you who had Jesus Christ openly portrayed before you as nailed to the stake? This one thing I want to ask you: Did you receive the spirit through works of law or because of faith in what you heard? Are you so senseless? After starting on a spiritual course, are you finishing on a fleshly course?" It continues at Gal 3:7-14 "Surely you know that it is those who adhere to faith who are sons of Abraham. Now the scripture, foreseeing that God would declare people of the nations righteous through faith, declared the good news beforehand to Abraham, namely: “By means of you all the nations will be blessed.” So those who adhere to faith are being blessed together with Abraham, who had faith. All those who depend on works of law are under a curse, for it is written: “Cursed is everyone who does not remain in all the things written in the scroll of the Law by doing them.” Moreover, it is evident that by law no one is declared righteous with God, because “the righteous one will live by reason of faith.” Now the Law is not based on faith. Rather, “anyone who does these things will live by means of them.” Christ purchased us, releasing us from the curse of the Law by becoming a curse instead of us, because it is written: “Accursed is every man hung upon a stake.” This was so that the blessing of Abraham would come to the nations by means of Christ Jesus, so that we might receive the promised spirit through our faith.

Again, Paul is telling us that going ahead of scripture and attempting to gain salvation by works we would be under a curse! I have no desire to work against God's word. Why would I try to attempt something I'm told not to by God? As a Jehovah's Witness I am never convinced that when Armageddon comes I will make it through. I mean obviously I pray I do, but I never know if I've been good enough. Have I done enough to deserve to have eternal life? Did I read the days text? Did I pray at breakfast? Did I pray at lunch? Did I do my daily bible reading? Did I do my family worship? Did I read all the current magazines? Did I read all the recent publications? Did I watch the Morning worship? Did I watch all the recent videos? Did I watch all the new Music Videos? Did I watch the Monthly Broadcast? Did I go in service this week? Did I prepare for service? Did I get the congregation average of 10 hrs of service? Did I prepare for the meeting? Did I go to the meeting? Did I prepare a comment? Did I help out with congregation activities? Did I examine my own personal circumstances to see if I could Auxiliary Pioneer/Regular Pioneer? At the end of the day there is the lingering doubt that I could have done more. It felt like it never ends. And at times, I've wished I had lived back in Bible Times under the Law Covenant feeling it would have been easier. At times it got so bad the feeling like I can't keep up that I began to think maybe I don't deserve to live in paradise. I would literally wish I could just die and end it all. End the guilt of not doing or being good enough. Than I wouldn't have to face God's Judgment at Armageddon for failing him. I had at times thought about suicide. The only thing stopping me is fear of knowing what that would do to my family, my friends? What that would do to my mother? Have her only daughter die by her own hand. And obviously I could never actually do that. I know that's absolutely not what you wanted to hear. But its truth guys. Is that how you imagined your sister/cousin/friend would live each day? I know I want my children to love life, help others, treat others how they want to be treated, show love to God and the people around them. Because thats why God created us. To love, for it says at: 1 John 4:8 "Whoever does not love has not come to know God, because God is love"

I have to ask myself, " How does God feel when any religious organization sews that curtain back up after He ripped it on purpose? Isn't that in effect slamming the door on Him and saying "We didn't need the sacrifice. We got this. We'll find our own way of salvation'?" From what I've read from God's Word as quoted above, Any Organization that turns themselves into the curtain and places themselves between God and Men is in effect doing that. So I ask myself "What does the bible say about who the Mediator is?" I found the Answer at: 1 Tim 2:5 "For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, a man, Christ Jesus". What I noticed about that scripture is, it doesn't say "For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, a group, The Faithful & Discreet Slave"

But we are instructed as Witness's that our survival is dependant on our obedience to the Governing Body (Faithful & Discreet Slave). That our everlasting life depends on our obedience to them. I listed 3 quotes where this is demonstrated in the Watchtower:

WS12 3/15 Rejoicing in Our Hope, Paragraph 2 "The other sheep should never forget that their salvation depends on their active support of Christ’s anointed “brothers” still on earth."

W06 5/15 Are You Prepared for Survival, Paragraph 8 " During the final period of the “ancient world” that perished in the Flood, Noah was a faithful “preacher of righteousness.” (2 Peter 2:5) In these last days of the present system of things, Jehovah’s people are making known God’s righteous standards and are declaring good news about the possibility of surviving into the new world. (2 Peter 3:9-13) Just as Noah and his God-fearing family were preserved in the ark, survival of individuals today depends on their faith and their loyal association with the earthly part of Jehovah’s universal organization."

W14 8/15 Hear Jehovah's Voice Wherever You Are, Paragraph 12 "In effect, Jesus also conveys Jehovah’s voice to us as he directs the congregation through “the faithful and discreet slave.” (Matt. 24:45) We need to take this guidance and direction seriously, for our everlasting life depends on our obedience.—Heb. 5:9."

Do you see how I'm torn here Guys? Do I accept what God's Word says? Or the Watchtower Article? Do I trust God? Or do i trust the Governing Body.

Scripture tells that at Jesus death the curtain was torn in two, He was the curtain (Heb 10:20). Our salvation is dependant on our faith in Jesus (Romans 16:31). He fulfilled the law perfectly. The Scriptures are saying Salvation is not accomplished by something we do or by remaining loyal to an organization. Salvation is accomplished by putting faith in the One who already did all the work. Remember Jesus said at: " It is been accomplished" (John 19:30)? No more work. Just believe in Jesus as Lord. Thats the beauty of God's Underserved Kindness. It's not earned. Its God's gift to us. There is countless scripture that tells us this. I encourage you to type the word "Gift" into the JW App and see what the Greek Scripture say. But my favourite is: Ephesians 2:8 " By this undeserved kindness you have been saved through faith, and this is not of your own doing; rather, it is Gods gift"

But of course than that scripture comes to my mind that I would hear at the meetings at: James 2:26 "Indeed, just as the body without spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead"

So automatically I'm like "How on earth can we saved not by works but just belief in Jesus and yet, still be told faith without works is dead? This doesn't make sense!"

So I looked up James. He was correcting the Brothers for showing favouritism to the wealth christians over the poor christians. James 2:14-17 " Of what benefit is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but he does not have works? That faith cannot save him, can it? If a brother or a sister is lacking clothing and enough food for the day, yet one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but you do not give them what they need for their body, of what benefit is it? So, too, faith by itself, without works, is dead"

The works that he was talking about was helping fellow humans out when you see them in need. If they are hungry, we give them food. If they are cold, we give them clothes. It means giving what people what they need when they need it. This is how we show our "love of neighbour". When we see people struggling, we do what we can to help. And that makes perfect sense. In fact that was the lesson Jesus was teaching his disciples at: Matt 25:34-40 " “Then the King will say to those on his right: ‘Come, you who have been blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the founding of the world. For I became hungry and you gave me something to eat; I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink. I was a stranger and you received me hospitably; naked and you clothed me. I fell sick and you looked after me. I was in prison and you visited me.’ Then the righteous ones will answer him with the words: ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and receive you hospitably, or naked and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ In reply the King will say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me"

What does the Governing Body by means of the Watchtower tell me the works of our faith are?

W05 6/1 Saved, Not by Works Alone, But By Underserved Kindness Paragraph 14 " Besides preaching and teaching, what is included in our worship of Jehovah?

Of course, much of what every Witness does in fulfilling his responsibility as a dedicated servant of Jehovah does not appear on his report. For instance, the report does not include regular personal Bible study, attendance and participation at Christian meetings, congregational duties, assistance to fellow believers as needed, financial support of the worldwide Kingdom work, and so on. Thus, while our field service report plays its part, helping us to maintain our zeal in preaching and to avoid slacking off, we must keep it in proper perspective. It is not to be viewed as a spiritual license or passport, determining our eligibility for everlasting life."

I ask myself " Who do I trust? God's Word? Or the Governing Body?" Do you see how I'm troubled guys?

Looking at: Matt 25:40 " In reply the King will say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me" I have to ask who Jesus brothers are? Jesus himself was God's Son. So Jesus brothers would also have to be sons of God. Romans 8:14 says "For all who are lead by God's Spirit are indeed God's sons" This scripture creates a big problem for all of us who are part of the great crowd, and the reason is, is because I've often prayed for God's Spirit to lead me in decisions I've made in my life and how I raise my children. But according to that scripture in Romans 8, if God did lead me, than who am I? It says: I would have to be a " Son of God". But , we are taught as Witnesses that only the 144,000 are God's Sons. I included two quotes.

W12 3/15 Rejoicing in our hope" Paragraph 11 "“The basis of hope” for mankind was given by Jehovah when he promised deliverance from “the original serpent,” Satan the Devil, by means of the promised “seed.” (Rev. 12:9; Gen. 3:15) That “seed” was primarily Jesus Christ. (Gal. 3:16) By his death and resurrection, Jesus provided a solid basis for mankind’s hope to be set free from enslavement to sin and death.” The realization of this hope is related to “the revealing of the sons of God". The glorified anointed ones are the secondary part of the “seed.” They will be ‘revealed’ when they share with Christ in destroying Satan’s wicked system of things. (Rev. 2:26, 27) This will bring salvation to the other sheep who come out of the great tribulation.

W15 1/15 Why we observe the Lord's Evening Meal Paragraph 16 "Only those who have the witness of the spirit that they are God’s children should partake of the Memorial emblems. (Read Romans 8:15-17.) Note that Paul used the Aramaic word “Abba,” which means “O Father!” A child might use this word when addressing his father, for it is a term of endearment that combines the intimacy of “papa” with the respectful word “father.” Those who have received “a spirit of adoption as sons” are God’s spirit-begotten children. His spirit bears witness with their spirit, giving them the realization that they are Jehovah’s anointed sons. It is not simply a matter of their losing interest in living on earth. They are certain that they will be Jesus’ joint heirs in the heavenly Kingdom if they are faithful to death. Today, there is only a remnant of the 144,000 footstep followers of Christ, who “have an anointing from the holy one,” Jehovah. (1 John 2:20; Rev. 14:1) It is by means of his spirit that they cry out, “Abba, Father!” What a blessed relationship they have with God!"

So who do I trust? God's word says "All who are led by God's Spirit" are Sons of God. But, the Governing Body says only the 144,000 are. Do you see how I'm worried about my belief system?

If God's word says that all who are Led by God's Spirit are Sons of God. Why is there two groups of people? Two different Hopes. The "Little Flock" and the "Other Sheep". What does Scripture say?

Jesus said at: Matt 15:21-28 "Leaving there, Jesus now went into the region of Tyre and Siʹdon. And look! a Phoe·niʹcian woman from that region came and cried out: “Have mercy on me, Lord, Son of David. My daughter is cruelly demon possessed.”But he did not say a word in answer to her. So his disciples came and began to urge him: “Send her away, because she keeps crying out after us.” He answered: “I was not sent to anyone except to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.” But the woman came and did obeisance to him, saying: “Lord, help me!” In answer he said: “It is not right to take the bread of the children and throw it to the little dogs.” She said: “Yes, Lord, but really the little dogs do eat of the crumbs falling from the table of their masters.”Then Jesus replied to her: “O woman, great is your faith; let it happen to you as you wish.” And her daughter was healed from that hour on.

Matt 10:5-6 "These 12 Jesus sent out, giving them these instructions: “Do not go off into the road of the nations, and do not enter any Sa·marʹi·tan city; but instead, go continually to the lost sheep of the house of Israel"

I can see from the scriptures that the people that were the focus of Jesus rescue work was literally the Nation of Israel. God's original people. Throughout the Hebrew scriptures we read about Jehovah's loyalty to his people. That he would never abandon them. They were his chosen people. That's why Jesus could say at: Luke 12:32 " Have no fear, little flock, because YOUR Father has approved of giving YOU the kingdom". If they would believed in Jesus they would be reconciled to God. They would enter the Kingdom of God. We can see from the context of that chapter he was talking to the Jews, the Israelites.

But Jesus did say at: John 10:16 "And I have other sheep, which are not of this fold; those also I must bring, and they will listen to my voice, and they will become one flock, one shepherd. This is why the Father loves me, because I surrender my soul, in order that I may receive it again" John 17: 20-22 Jesus prays to his father "I make request, not concerning these only (the Jews), but also concerning those putting faith in me through their word, so that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in union with me and I am in union with you, that they also may be in union with us, so that the world may believe that you sent me"

Insight on the Scriptures says this about the word: Jealous "Inciting to jealousy in a proper way. Jehovah showed mercy to the nation of Israel after all except a remnant had rejected the Messiah. The remnant of believing Jews was the beginning of the Christian congregation; Jehovah’s favour was now upon it rather than the rejected Jewish nation. Jehovah demonstrated this change of dealing by signs and portents and powerful works. (Heb 2:3, 4) He opened the way for Gentiles to come into his favour. But he did not ‘close the door’ on Israel altogether. As the Scriptures point out: “Did they [all Israelites] stumble so that they fell completely? Never may that happen! But by their false step there is salvation to people of the nations, to incite them to jealousy.

Romans 3:29-30 " Or is he the God of the Jews only? Is he not also the God of people of the nations? Yes, also of people of the nations. Since God is one, he will declare circumcised people righteous as a result of faith and uncircumcised people righteous by means of their faith.

I read what Paul wrote about the two groups in: Ephesians 2:11-18 (He even referred to them as " people of the nations") "Therefore, remember that at one time you, people of the nations by fleshly descent, were the ones called “uncircumcision” by those called “circumcision,” which is made in the flesh by human hands. At that time you were without Christ, alienated from the state of Israel, strangers to the covenants of the promise; you had no hope and were without God in the world. But now in union with Christ Jesus, you who were once far off have come to be near by the blood of the Christ. For he is our peace, the one who made the two groups one and destroyed the wall in between that fenced them off. By means of his flesh he abolished the enmity, the Law of commandments consisting in decrees, in order to make the two groups in union with himself into one new man and to make peace, and to reconcile fully both peoples in one body to God through the torture stake, because he had killed off the enmity by means of himself. And he came and declared the good news of peace to you who were far off, and peace to those near, because through him we, both peoples, have free access to the Father by one spirit. (John 17:20-22 quoted above)