Kate Upton is one of the celebrities who have hired lawyers and argued that merely sharing or clicking onto these links is a form of abuse. To little avail

Something has to be done about revenge porn, but what? Keeping your pants on would be a good start, but that is just too dull and sensible for today’s generation of thrill-seeking exhibitionists.

That’s one reason why the practice of men (it almost always is men) tormenting former lovers by posting private sexual photographs of them online is on the increase. But how can it be policed?

The introduction of a revenge porn offence in 2015 has helped, with more than 200 offenders being prosecuted in the first year.

Campaigners now want more custodial sentencing and harsher penalties dished out, but it is difficult to see how this will work in practice.

The fact that many of the photographs were initially taken with consent remains an implacable one.

The Sentencing Council, which sets guidelines for courts, has come up with some new suggestions, nearly all of them risible.

They propose that offenders who distribute abusive images widely, who target more ‘vulnerable’ women and who send the images to their families — especially if those families are religious — should earn tougher penalties than others.

What rot. The common factor should be the offence, not the reaction of the family to it or whether or not your little brother is embarrassed. Do the proposals mean more resilient women with no siblings whose families don’t go to church or the synagogue or the mosque won’t get justice? Or that men might escape custodial sentences because the woman is strong and smart?

The punishment should fit the crime, not conform to some hand-wringing therapist’s lavender-scented view of who has and who has not suffered the most.

Personally, I think there are enough people in prison already without throwing this pathetic, vengeful shower in with them. And that, in most cases, prohibitive fines rather than custodial sentences would be the way forward, with the lesson learned for all involved never to do it again. No, don’t hold your breath.

Technology has created a new funfair where these brutes can humiliate their exes, but it would help if the victims didn’t hop aboard the carousel and pose for their boob shots and beyond with quite such enthusiasm.

Indeed, the problem would be solved in a flash, forgive the pun, if girls stopped being complicit in their own mortification.

Perhaps we should have more sympathy with impressionable young women who have had to grow up in a highly sexualised world, one warped by the pressures of who’s hot and who’s not, selfie culture narcissism and endless pornification.

Pictured, Amber Heard who is one of the Hollywood stars who have had their phones hacked and their private naked images stolen and posted online

Porn was once corralled onto the top shelf, available only behind brown paper wrappers or in X-rated films one had to queue up with the dirty mac brigade to watch. Now it is everywhere; pulsing through TV, films and pop music.

Even I raised a maiden auntish eyebrow at the new Little Mix cowboy-themed pop video this week. Five minutes ago the wholesome girl group were capering about in ra-ra skirts, singing motivational songs about teenage aspirations.

Now they look like saloon girls at the Bucking Bronco brothel, all pouting like sink plungers in their sparkly bras, doing a nice line in slack-eyed desire.

Above all, porn crashes through the internet, where it is hotwired straight into the imagination and fantasies of boys and girls who are perhaps not ready to process their complicated feelings towards it — or understand that a captured moment of shared lust could have such horrible ramifications in the future.

Even Hollywood stars who have had their phones hacked and their private naked images stolen and posted online have been unable to protect themselves. Kate Upton, Jennifer Lawrence, Amber Heard and Cara Delevingne are among the violated who have hired lawyers and argued that merely sharing or clicking onto these links is a form of abuse. To little avail.

Campaigners urge social media sites to be more accountable and legal experts try to invent laws that might have an effect in ungovernable cyberspace. And while the law might be an ass, surely the only way to protect your own skin is to keep it under wraps?

The need to express oneself sexually and please a lover are primal human urges. However, it’s all too easy for an intimate photograph to be later used as a weapon because the love train has moved on and the trust has gone. Let’s be clear, it’s the ghoulish men who are taking advantage of affection and innocence.

But as we can see, campaigners still claim there is not enough legal redress for your impetuous undress. So do the smart thing. Please.

To be or not to be an actress

Tamsin Greig criticised descriptions of her as a 'comedy actress' and an 'androgynous star'. She feels that being called an actress rather than an actor is sexist or demeaning

I love Tamsin Greig, hilarious as the mum in Friday Night Dinners, terrific in Green Wing, Episodes and on the stage.

She is the sort of person who signs round-robin letters to the Guardian, is a vegetarian and a ‘supporter’ of the NHS (who isn’t?), but I still like her because she is a fine comic actress — or is she?

Tamsin, complete with black pageboy wig, is starring as a female Malvolio (Malvolia) in Twelfth Night at the National Theatre.

Yet not everyone agrees this progressive, gender fluid production is such a terrific idea.

Our own Quentin Letts hilariously decided that she looked like ‘a cross between Richard III and campaigning lawyer Gareth Peirce’, while the man from the Daily Telegraph complained that this was ‘the death of the great male lead’.

Tamsin responded by saying that he would have ‘not dared to say anything if it had been a black man playing Malvolio’. That must have been a joke, right?

She also criticised descriptions of her as a ‘comedy actress’, and an ‘androgynous star’ — even though she is an actress noted for playing comedic parts and is now a star playing a role androgynously.

Like many of her peers, Tamsin feels that being called an actress rather than an actor is sexist and demeaning. Yet over the years she has never minded being nominated for various gender specific awards, including Best Actress in a Comedy, Best TV Comedy Actress, Best Supporting Actress, Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress in a Play.

In 2007, she actually won the Laurence Olivier Award for Best Actress and was so excited when she went onstage to accept it she said: ‘I think I’ve just done a wee. Thank you very much, I am so blessed.’

So is she une actress or not? Oui, oui, but only when it suits madame.

What's Anne hiding under all that frill?

Stars are always looking for ways to feel better about themselves, aren’t they?

Emma Watson’s sacrifice this month has been to ‘commit’ to wearing only ‘eco-conscious’ ensembles on the red carpet for her Beauty And The Beast premieres.

And now Anne Hathaway (right) has followed suit, wearing only vintage dresses on the red carpet for her new film, Colossal.

So noble! But why this supreme sacrifice, ladies? Perhaps there is a world shortage of sequins that we haven’t heard about.

Yet all I can think about are those poor, glum silk worms, spinning cloth that Emma and Anne will now never wear. Speaking of Colossal, look at that crazy frill on Anne’s vintage Armani dress.

She might think she is saving the planet, but wouldn’t it be put to better use saving the blushes of ladies plagued by hormonal chin pimples and worse?

Lydia Ferguson looks a right laugh, a sex bomb, an exhibitionist, a great pal.

Her Facebook selfies include a slightly risque one sitting on a bed (right) and another of her in a low-cut dress looking pouty beside a bed.

So far, so normal(for 2017) you might think.

But Lydia is a teacher and her pupils can access her Facebook page. As a result, she has been suspended by Ousedale School in Newport Pagnell, Buckinghamshire, where the kids want her reinstated.

She is clearly very popular! Yet even if these snaps were appropriate for viewing by the children in her care — and I don’t think they are — can’t she see that they could be interpreted as inappropriate?

Her pupils need a clear idea of her as an authority figure. Not a best pal with a good smoulder.

Mother's Day doesn't mean it's all about you

A bloke who complained about a woman breastfeeding her baby in a pub was branded a ‘judgmental idiot’ by outraged mothers — but who exactly is being condemnatory here?

Sheldon Sparks asked on his Facebook account if it was appropriate for a young mother to have two glasses of wine during her Mother’s Day pub lunch — and then ‘flop a breast out’ to give junior his num-nums.

What was his issue — the wine, the special day or the inflammatory mammary calamity?

The mother in question said it was only a spritzer anyway. She hadn’t had a drink for nine months so deserved a break, so shut up, big guy.

Militant breast-is-best supporters piled in online to attack Mr Sparks, claiming the UK has one of the lowest breastfeeding rates in the world and no wonder, with Neanderthals like him roaming free.

This all happened at the Spotted Cow in Bristol, which prides itself on being family friendly.

Even so, I don’t think pubs are proper places for tiny babies, no matter how desperate mum is for a beaker or two of chardonnay.

Discreet breastfeeding is fine, with a modesty blanket at the ready, although that didn’t seem to be what happened here.

That is why my sympathies lie with Mr Sparks — but mostly with the little baby.

Mummy may only have taken a few steps on her journey of motherhood, but she needs to realise sharpish that her needs and wants are now going to have to come a very, very distant second place.

Mary Berry is bringing out a new book on household tips, including the best way to clean your loo. Mary, a word.

Millions of us manage to do this without professional advice, thanks all the same. However, hurrah!

I can’t wait to get my oven mitts on Mary’s expert opinions on damp dusting skirting boards and descaling kettles.

I’m forever on the lookout for the latest celebrity tips.

This week, former GBBO winner Nancy Birtwhistle advises turning black jeans inside out and laying a sheet of kitchen roll on corduroys before ironing.

And when making bacon sandwiches for a crowd, cut the rashers into two or three pieces to get more in the frying pan.

Nigel Farage suggests cleaning everything with gin, including your teeth, and Anthea Turner advises storing drawing pins in an old jam jar. Is there no end to their genius? Keep it coming.

One week on from the Westminster attack and Tobias Ellwood has gone up even further in my estimation.

Not only because of his selfless and heroic actions, trying to save the life of PC Keith Palmer.

It was that he didn’t embark on an I’m-a-Hero tour of the television studios afterwards, despite the fact that every broadcaster wanted to speak to him.

In respect of the bereaved family and because he is such a good man, he kept a dignified silence. So God bless him, all over again.