

Download the MP3 | Watch the Video | Read the Transcript

#NotMyShower, Policing Language of Dehumanization, The Waut3rgate Leaks: Part II, unbelievable loading spinners, Maddox’s Christmas lights, 10-round magazines that chew up your thumbs, exact change, manipulative popups, Assop’s Fables, “Don’t Walk Away…Run”, “hehe”, how to navigate the Hershey Highway, Tinder megalomania, destroying small businesses and doors, and Dickles; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

It’s the calm before the storm as lawyers from The Dick Show and patreon.com/asterios fire up their apostrophe makers (A.K.A. pens), load up their dog bite repellant, and prepare to e-file a Bitcoin’s worth of documents explaining that I’m not a New York, I am a Los Angeles–something Maddox has known since 2008. Cheers, buddy. Because of mounting legal fees, doing The Biggest Problem in the Universe with you is turning into an advertising loss leader for The Dick Show. The net negative ROI is something I’m sure your current sponsors, friends, and loved ones are familiar with. Fuck you.

In anticipation of those juicy legal filings, we ring in the season of Cucksmas with a fresh round of lying and implying as The Waut3rgate Leaks: Part II makes its way into the light of Reddit’s honest truth. The completely real chat logs showcase a conversation that treads the line of farce between Dick Show musician waut3rboi and a desperately failing Maddox doing his best Ernst Stavro Blohard impression…hehe, by threatening the jobs of everyone he knows while simultaneously claiming to be a victim of domestic abuse! As a third Waut3rgate leak is dropped, we’ve already got new mysteries to solve. It’s a classic “Who Done It?” as we try to save Maddox’s Christmas lights and keep his house from burning down in The Case of the Broken Door Fallacy. If this were a game of Clue, I would put my money on The Cuck in The Basement with His Imagination, but there’s only one way to be sure. We’ll have to hear the other side of the stories! But first…



Most of language is about convincing other people of things, and the rest of it is about convincing yourself of things.

Next, human communication isn’t like the best estranged-father/son, road trip, arm-wrestling, buddy movie of 1989 starring Sylvester Stallone. It has holds that are barred, and anyone who’s ever been in an argument in a relationship knows this. They are the chemical weapons in the Geneva convention of having to deal with other people: sarcasm, condescension, the voice of a slow-witted, slovenly-dressed individual; and they are forbidden for good reason, they make us shittier people.

Thou shalt not make big buck teeth whilst someone is talking.

Thou shalt not make jack-off or blowjob or throw up motions either, or pretend thou ist being hanged.

Also, watch out for the shouting and the sarcasm and the lols and the “hehe’s” every other fucking sentence.

They read like commandments and they’re just about as important and as difficult to follow. I propose we add another to the list: Thou shall not Cop Talk. It makes us shittier people.

Here is an article version of the Ted Talk I skimmed to pull science-sounding excerpts to back up my theory in today’s show. It’s got some interesting stuff in it to wow your ladies, amuse your friends, and win arguments with your parents.

The words we say that aren’t spent convincing other people of bullshit are spent convincing ourselves of bullshit. That’s why my New Year’s Resolution is to be more fuckable, and not eat less, drink less, and skip the gym less. It’s easier to do more than less. And the rest are just doodley-doo’s.

The very powerful “Don’t Walk Away…Run!” By KenDollInHide.



And a thumbnail to be more fuckable to by Nope.wmv

Comments

comments