Homer Woolworth, 34, seems like an everyday, normal guy from the outside. He works as a data analysist for a corporate bank. He takes the bus, listening to podcasts and smooth jazz to pass the time. He’s been in at least one serious relationship. But Homer is not a normal man.

“I am a completely normal guy,” Homer said, “just because I am an avid fan of an early WB/CW superhero film does not mean I am not normal.”

What this bizarre man is talking about was brought to our attention by his recent ex-girlfriend, Sara Bolwicki.

“I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a driving force behind the end of the relationship,” Bolwicki told us, “I mean, it wasn’t just that he owned every season of Smallville. It’s that he watched every season of Smallville.”

“I honestly don’t understand why anyone would be so off-put by the show. It’s a good show,” replied Woolworth, “Tom Welling, Jonh Glover! The best portrayal of Lex Luthor out there! The side character I’m not allowed to talk about anymore!”

Though it may be a foreign concept to some, the owning of physical media is still a niche business in parts of the world such as Portland, Oregan, and Portland, Maine. These communities of physical collectors, known as “Physies”, are few and far between, but Homer is a textbook example. Considering his collection, he may even be an outsider amongst his own kind.

“It got to the point where I felt we couldn’t have friends over,” told Bolwicki, “He insisted that we keep the seasons on the mantle. Front and center. He would get upset if nobody asked him about Smallville. It was a very emotionally tiring time for me.”

“Yes, of course, I keep them front and center! They are the pinnacle of my collection,” Woolworth, visibly upset, began, “Smallville is the entryway to the entirety of my collection. You wouldn’t be able to understand the concepts I wrestle with in my film and television viewings if you don’t understand Smallville. How would you even begin with The Flash or Arrow or Supergirl if not for Smallville?”

“Sometimes I would come home from a late-night shift or a night out with some friends, and he would just be sitting there. Watching it. Watching Smallville in the complete dark. Sometimes not even the show, but the special features,” Bolwicki told us, “When I found him alone just watching a paused screen of Justin Hartley I knew that I had to end the relationship.”

“What kind of fan would I be if I didn’t watch the bonus material? It’s there to be supplementary towards the rest of the program. And sure, I’ve done a few rewatches. Who hasn’t watched all of Smallville three or four or seven times? Wait, you shook your head. You’ve never rewatched it? You get so much more after the third viewing of the entire series!”

Luckily I was able to make an excuse to exit the situation safely while Woolworth’s back was turned, setting up his Playstation 2 and talking about the intricate webs found from the very first frame of the series.

“What makes it all the worst,” Bolwicki stated at the end of our interview, “the worst part of it all was that he didn’t even bother to get them on blu-ray. Some kind of fan he is.”

Written by Rory Dunn

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