“Oh my God, Sarah at work…I’m so in love with her, I mean, I really like her. So I need to just ask her out, right? That’s what works in the movies. But, I don’t know how to ask her out. Oh, God, please help me, Internet!”

Actually, before you go down this grim path, you should first ask yourself “why am I asking her out?”. If you think she’s “hot” but you don’t know her very well, and you heard some advice that you should just “ask her out, pussy!” you’re probably going about things wrong.

As it turns out, women tend to respond in a very lukewarm way toward guys asking them out. Some are flattered, and the lonelier girls who are “on the market”, perhaps recovering from a failed relationship or marriage, may jump on it. But the really cute ones who get hit on a lot? At best, you’ll get the “Let’s just be friends” talk.

And, if she DOES say yes, you’re probably setting yourself up for ruin.

The reason I’m being discouraging is because a date is an outdated concept (at least in North America). It sets up expectations that most women don’t want. Women are no longer courted by men like in the 1950s and most beautiful women have very little interest in jumping into a relationship with a needy guy who desperately wants their approval.

And while this may not be YOU, if you repeatedly want a woman to go out with you, you may send this signal.

As a side-note on the topic of the dating death spiral black hole of doom, I used to love that old show “Blind Date”, it was so horrifying. But real life is even more brutal than the TV show. Take a girl you have no sexual tension or chemistry with out to “dinner” and watch what happens: 4 hours of awkwardness and ending the night with Internet porn.

The Alternative

When you meet a woman you “like”, and you’re around her enough that you have to wonder “how” you can make some kind of move, then you’re actually in a good spot because I am guessing you know her at work, at school, or in your apartment complex. So, what do you do?

The answer is simple: talk to her. But, don’t just “talk”, infuse what you’re saying with spikes of banter, demonstrations of value, subtle hints that you’re qualifying her, and plenty of positive body language, responding to her indicators of interest with your own, and even playing hard to get a little bit.

What happens when you are walking back at the end of the evening, and instead of informal goodbyes, you’re in the parking lot chatting for an hour and a half like this? Suddenly, you’re no longer that acquaintance, but a guy in her circle, and the fact you’re NOT asking her out sets you into another inner-circle of higher-quality males in her life.

And after you’re already in that category, THEN you can ask her out, but you’re not really asking her out, you’re just making up an excuse to go somewhere other than the parking lot, so you can keep chatting.

At this point, you’ve gotten further than 99% of guys who try to go on a “date” with her. The next part, however, is kicking the sexual tension into high gear and scoring that kiss. Everything you’re doing is pointless if there’s no sexual tension. If she’s not sending you indicators of interest from the beginning, you shouldn’t have even taken it this far.

Keep being edgy, playful, and attractive. Reach her on a high-note, lean close to her ear and tell her you have a confession, when she reacts with a “what?” kiss her on the mouth. So long as she’s actually into you, responding to your signals and has been enjoying your company, you’ll be making out with her. Don’t wait to do this. The sooner you square things away with a kiss, the better.

Long story short, the answer to how to ask her out is… Don’t. That’s a relief, isn’t it? Instead, build that connection every time you see her, build sexual tension, ensure she’s into you, and then “asking her out” becomes so natural that you won’t even waste two seconds of thought on doing some awkward formal cringe-worthy process.

Some people disagree with me hardcore, but I’m going to stick to my guns on this. What do you think?