A SPANISH tourist visiting England for the first time has confirmed it is not remotely like the brochures.

Juan Esterel, from Valencia, said: “It’s much more grey and dirty. And there seems to quite a lot of odorous mud.

“Meanwhile, many of the people are less than delightful.”

During his three week trip Esterel was subjected to baffling homophobic epithets in Chester, ate a tepid, shiny brown sausage in York and was chased down an alleyway way in Cambridge by a gang of young Conservatives dressed as Sebastian Flyte from Brideshead Revisted.

He added: “It seems I may have given the English tourist board the benefit of the doubt.”

After his disappointing visit to England, Esteral said he is now looking forward to the romantic, excrement-free cobblestone streets of Paris.