#pastebinmonday

Last night, at around 11:30 PM I was playing a bit of osu mania casually in my basement, having just gotten back from a birthday party with an old high school friend. I had been hanging out with my brother and sister but they had gone out to the convenience store to buy some snacks, my mom was asleep and I was just getting ready to go to sleep, since I had work the next day.

My dad, angry from his work, angry from not getting much done in the day, and just angry at the world, came downstairs and proceeded to insult me really harshly for wasting my life rotting away playing video games. This was nothing new, I had heard the lecture many times, I didn't believe my life was being "wasted", and he usually has a bad time controlling his anger so most of it wasn't really my fault. I shrugged it off trying not to let it affect my generally good mood, but that was the wrong thing to do. My dad got pissed off, really unbelievably angry, the worst I've ever seen him get mad in the 19 years I've lived under my roof.

Then things got ugly, after he saw I wasn't affected by his angry insults he came over to my PC setup and started to grab things off of my desk and try as hard as he could to break them. There was nothing I could do to stop him, so I basically had to sit back and watch. He grabbed my monitor, and slammed it down onto the ground, breaking it, he grabbed my keyboard and broke that too, he grabbed my blue yeti and broke that too, he broke my tablet, he broke my mouse, but most of all he grabbed my PC itself and with a few very hard throws, managed to break it irreparably, splintering the case into many pieces and spraying all of the components out onto the floor. It was like this video, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htO1zpA903s the only difference is that video is fake, mine was all too real.

I'm not sure if you've ever had to look into a man's eyes when his rage consumes him, I'm not sure if you've ever had to hear your own father tell your mother to stand back or else she might get hit as well, I'm not sure if you've ever been the recipient of blind blood-searing hatred for doing nothing wrong, but if you have, you completely understand. I no longer have any interest in streaming, I no longer want to ever see anything like what I saw ever again, It's over.

Because of this, if it isn't already obvious, I will be permanently quitting playing osu, streaming on twitch, and speedrunning as a whole effective immediately.

I honestly think it was a sign, I had only told a few close friends before this point but after thinking for an extremely long time in late May about the current status of my life, I had actually already planned on quitting streaming permanently before going back to school in August. This decision came after a lot of self reflection about what I wanted from my life and what would make me the most happy. I had decided that I needed to focus on bettering myself as a person, I needed to be more social in college, I needed to get better grades and having better overall health, and I knew streaming was getting in the way of that. I knew it angered my parents to no end to see me stream as well although I tried not to let that affect my decision. I mean, I am 19 after all.

This final summer I decided to devote to having a good GDQ run and streams after to finally feel like I had made it on twitch, and I accomplished that goal way better than I ever thought and I thank you all so so much for that. I managed to somehow consistently under my own power pull around 50 viewers, sometimes hitting up to 70 and 80, a number I never thought I would reach and I was honestly okay with that being it, the highest my stream will ever reach. I wanted to get a 58 in sonic and then, after all was said and done, I thought, I would hang up my gloves with some sort of final marathon stream making sure to close on a positive note and thank deeply from the bottom of my heart all of the people that have made my almost three years on twitch so great. Sadly it has to come to this, ending my long streaming career with some long dumb pastebin that probably nobody is going to read.

I have always been the type of guy to want change, I can never sit still for too long, no matter what I do. Back when I was a 7th grader I made coin collecting videos very seriously and was moderately successful, I went to coin stores and auctions and hunted through boxes and boxes of coins to look for old and rare ones.

That lasted for about 2 years, I wanted a change and I decided to switch youtube channels and made videos about an MMO called Maplestory, my youtube channel was honestly pretty successful and I even had an online girlfriend in this game.

However after about 2 years I decided break up with her, end my youtube channel, and cut ties from Maplestory. I not only wanted to make real friends and have a real girlfriend in high school (which I ended up doing 'w') but I also wanted change, I was restless. I decided to join two sports and buckle down on school to try to get accepted into an ivy-league college preferably Harvard or Yale, this was around mid sophomore year.

After about two years of that I was incredibly close to getting accepted into Harvard but I got accepted into the University of Pennsylvania, which was still a great school and I was okay with that. I then decided that I deserved some rest, so I delved into speedrunning seriously and within about 3-4 months took WR in both Sonic and Shadow's Story No MSG, this was about in early 2015.

The point of all this being that it seems after about 2 years of doing this whole twitch streaming and speedrunning thing I can honestly say that it's time to move on. You might not understand my decision and thats totally fine, and I'm really sorry that it has to be this sudden, but to be honest, it was going to happen sooner or later, so it might as well have happened now. I'll keep using my twitter just so that I stay in touch but that's about it.

I have pages and pages more that I could write, on how that night I cried my eyes out harder than I've ever cried in my life knowing that I had to leave you all, on how much speedrunning has taught me about achieving goals and not being afraid to tackle something no matter how daunting, on how much I've learned from just the people I've talked to over twitch plus the many amazing people I've met through attending three GDQs, and how truly grateful I should be of the life I was born into. Just know that out of all of the many things I've had to move away from in my life, this has been the absolute hardest for me.

Thank you so incredibly much for everything you've given me over these years,

I will never forget it

Signing off,