caiol92





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I really need to share this, I hope you can help me. I'll share my story of the last 3 years, so this'll probably be a long post. In 2017, I was working in a musical instrument store, and by that year I had given up on finding someone. I tried dating apps, tried asking some girls out, but I mostly had bad luck. Also, I was still a virgin (I was 25 at the time).



I had decided to close my heart, give up on relationships and start investing in myself. Then I met the then new cashier; I didn't actually feel attracted to her, maybe because I was stone cold. However, up until that time in my life, not a single girl came up to me, I swear. Then, she called me up on WhatsApp, asking if I'd go out with her. I was stoked.



I accepted a kiss, then we started meeting, making out... then eventually, we had sex. It was my first time, I was nervous, but it went out fine. Here's the thing, she was (and still is) my first relationship, ever. But I wasn't her first, and she already has a child (12 year old, today). That's not the problem, though.



Now here's the thing, I think I'm too much of a goodie two shoes, I can't say no to somethings and every time we had an argument and almost broke up, I felt bad for her, since she was living with her very dysfunctional family. Fast-forward to today, and I ended up renting a house with her, just a block away from where I was living (I lived with my mom, brother and grandparents, and I love them so much). Now regarding the thread's title:



I'm not happy for myself. I'm glad I took her out of her parents' house, to a better neighborhood, but that's it. I keep thinking that I never wanted this, I was just fine before meeting her, but now it's all gone. I've sacrificed a lot for her, cleared most of her debts, paid for her driver's license, her professional education (makeup courses). That involved spending all the money I had saved, and selling the guitar that I had customized.



Now I miss my guitar, I miss my peaceful life. In short, I'm not happy, and I keep wishing that I could go back.



Please, help me. Hi thereI really need to share this, I hope you can help me. I'll share my story of the last 3 years, so this'll probably be a long post. In 2017, I was working in a musical instrument store, and by that year I had given up on finding someone. I tried dating apps, tried asking some girls out, but I mostly had bad luck. Also, I was still a virgin (I was 25 at the time).I had decided to close my heart, give up on relationships and start investing in myself. Then I met the then new cashier; I didn't actually feel attracted to her, maybe because I was stone cold. However, up until that time in my life, not a single girl came up to me, I swear. Then, she called me up on WhatsApp, asking if I'd go out with her. I was stoked.I accepted a kiss, then we started meeting, making out... then eventually, we had sex. It was my first time, I was nervous, but it went out fine. Here's the thing, she was (and still is) my first relationship, ever. But I wasn't her first, and she already has a child (12 year old, today). That's not the problem, though.Now here's the thing, I think I'm too much of a goodie two shoes, I can't say no to somethings and every time we had an argument and almost broke up, I felt bad for her, since she was living with her very dysfunctional family. Fast-forward to today, and I ended up renting a house with her, just a block away from where I was living (I lived with my mom, brother and grandparents, and I love them so much). Now regarding the thread's title:I'm not happy for myself. I'm glad I took her out of her parents' house, to a better neighborhood, but that's it. I keep thinking that I never wanted this, I was just fine before meeting her, but now it's all gone. I've sacrificed a lot for her, cleared most of her debts, paid for her driver's license, her professional education (makeup courses). That involved spending all the money I had saved, and selling the guitar that I had customized.Now I miss my guitar, I miss my peaceful life. In short, I'm not happy, and I keep wishing that I could go back.Please, help me. Find Reply Bored

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#2 We’re you ever attracted to her or just the idea of her? Reply ardour





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#4 Hi Op hows it going .Just wondered if you ever loved her considering you got married?If so do you still love her?Does your partner share in the household bills?What is your relationship with her boy?What are the usual reasons for your arguments?Is the ex still on the scene and support the boy atall?



By the way welcome to the world of marriage and having no money..sucks doesn't it. Reply caiol92





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Reputation: Posts: 5Threads: 1Joined: Jul 2019Reputation: 0 #5 The thing is, since she is my first relationship, so I don't know if I actually know what love is. I was concerned with helping her out, with her son and etc. In the beginning, I was a little attracted to her. To answer the questions:



My relationship with the boy is good.



Her ex is not a problem between us, he lives far away, has a wife; his role is basically child support, staying with the boy every two weeks etc.



Our arguments are usually related to me being a more recluse person, trying to be reasonable with things, and also, her temper is very explosive; she raises her voice for anything. Sometimes all I want is to listen to my CDs, play video games, just relax (since I don't have my guitar anymore, those are the only two hobbies left). And she doesn't accept it, most of the time. She keeps saying "Well, if you prefer your video games, that's okay", with sarcasm. But I do most things in the house, like cleaning, cooking etc, I don't play games or listen to music all the time. Also, this WhatsApp thing is a bane for relationships, it seems. If I'm online and not talking to her, that's a problem already. However, I only talk to my family members (mostly my mother and brother), and the only two true friends that I have, one being a close friend since childhood (a guy). My social circle is minuscule.



Yes, we share the house bills.



And we're not married on paper, we've been engaged for a year and just living together. Find Reply LostintheBardo





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Reputation: Posts: 163Threads: 9Joined: Oct 2018Reputation: 0 #6 This may seem a little removed from the main point of your thread but I think it is worth saying regardless. If you aren't ever able to say no to her and also sacrifice everything you value for her then that will likely make her lose respect for you and make her exploit you. She already sounds super ungrateful and more appeasement will make it worse. Find Reply Just Games

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#7 Apologise pumping questions at you but am at work just good to have background on relationship..



Has your partner always had a temper?Why are you doing cooking cleaning does she work longer hours?Do you do stuff with the boy.Could you not buy a second hand guitar for the time being....maybe you could involve the boy he might be interested in music.Do you think your partner is frustrated because your not doing stuff together? Reply caiol92





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Reputation: Posts: 5Threads: 1Joined: Jul 2019Reputation: 0 #8 From what I've talked to her, this temper of hers started after she divorced, and eventually got worse after her attempts on new relationships. I'm the only one that actually evolved to this, living together.



I don't know if it's worth mentioning, but she's of Aries and I'm of Cancer, complete opposites, as far as I know. She's the opposite of me in almost every sense.



I don't do all the cooking and cleaning, but I do most of it, because our jobs have completely opposite shifts. I work from 7am to 4pm, and she works from 2pm to 10pm. When I get home, I need to have some food ready for her son. We share most of the cleaning.



I could buy a second hand guitar, but not right now. Maybe she's frustrated because on weekdays, we don't see much of each other, and I have to sleep very early. Find Reply Just Games

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#9 Oh ok so your not seeing alot of each other..only weekends and days off.Do you do your hobbies on weekends aswell as weekday nights?If so maybe you could do stuff together at weekends for a while and curtail your hobbies..see if anything changes in your relationship.Have you got a local park where i dunno you could just do a sport ,kick a ball about all three of you .Does the boy like sports baseball , football tennis some activity and take a picnic just something simple. Reply Black Manta





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Reputation: Posts: 151Threads: 23Joined: Feb 2018Reputation: 1 #10 The road not taken.



I did the same thing. Shot myself in the foot. But if I hadn't done what I did I'd probably be sitting around being miserable wishing I had gotten married. Either way you lose out. Find Reply