CHAPTER 1

A Clash Between Caped Crusaders.

Bald_Men in Capes.









Z-City, 8:30 AMAn alarm clock sitting atop a wooden table roared in a messy apartment bedroom. Besides it resided a series of lumps resembling a human body hidden underneath a pale blue cover on a wooden floor. The lumps twisted and turned bringing the pillow underneath the sheets to cover its head. After letting the alarm ring for what seemed like an eternity, a fist swiftly and effortlessly crushed the alarm clock like a hammer. The figure slowly rose and the sheets fell off revealing a bald man in striped turquoise pajamas with his eyes closed. He yawned, stretching his arms before returning to his previous position. He slowly opened his eyes.Saitama was not a morning person.Without really thinking about it he was already in the bathroom, washing his face in the sink with his hands and soap.Next thing he knew he was standing in the living room holding a bowl of generic dollar store brand cereal. He noticed a blinking red light gleaming on the electronic display on his home phone. He lazily shuffled over to it and pushed a round button next to it. A recording of robotic female voice played saying “You have thir...teen... new messages.” Saitama groaned.Another familiar robotic voice played. That which belonged to Saitama’s trusted roommate and good friend Genos.“Sensei, just setting a reminder that we have training at Generic Plains B scheduled tomorrow at 5 AM like you promised.”(I wish I didn’t lose that game of shogi.) Saitama begrudgingly reflects as he rubs his temple. (Was I drunk when I challenged him?)*Beep!*“Sensei, it’s 4:50 AM. Are you awake yet? Judging from your previously displayed feats of speed, I have induced that you shall arrive at our designated location within the next at your top speed. I will wait for you before starting.”*Beep!*“Sensei, it is 5:01. I assume you are still asleep. Is this a test to see if I’ll keep committed to our promise? If so, I shall proceed on my own. I won’t let you down Sensei!”*Beep!*“Sensei, I have completed a pre selected training regime and will now relay the results…”*Beep!*“Sensei--”*Beep!*“Sensei--”*Beep!*“Sen--”*Beep*Saitama groans and walks towards the living room.“Sensei, there has been a villain citing around our area. A magician has been spotted stealing panties in the prefectures near us. The reports claim…”Saitama sat down in front of his flat screen TV. He turned it on with the remote despite the power button being within arm’s length. The news was the first thing on. A tan gentleman with a large square chin, silver hair, and an intimidating dimple to dimple smile appeared. Saitama slightly staggered at the sight of him.“Goooooooood morning S-City!” the man says in a baritone. “I’m Anchor Man, your local anchorman here to deliver the highest quality news!”(I bet that hair’s fake.) he thinks, rubbing his bald head.Saitama swirls some cereal in the milk before putting a scoop in his mouth. He looks at the TV with a blank expression.Ever since he was a child, Saitama’s goal in life was to become a hero for justice. In order to achieve this goal, he began a series training regimen at the ripe age of 23. He completed the insanely rigorous course of 100 pushups, 100 situps, and 5 kilometer running every day without rest. Additionally, he supplemented his nutritional value by eating one banana after sessions and slept without covers or using the AC in order to build mental fortitude.In three years, Saitama reached an unmatched level of strength. From then on literally all of his fights with the exception of two ended in one punch. The first one was simply a routine display of one of his deadly techniques Normal Consecutive Punches but he still could have killed him in one shot if he wanted. After all, there is more than one way to skin a cat. And the second was because his opponent, the insanely powerful but inferior alien roaming the universe for a challenge Boros, had regenerative properties.However, such power did not come without a cost. Part of the reason he wanted to be a hero was the thrill of an exciting clash. Hero versus villain, ideal versus ideal, spirit versus spirit. As ideal as it sounds, being able to defeat your foes in one punch doesn’t make for a very exciting life style. At least to Saitama who only wants a challenge.The thrill he longed for constantly stays ever so far out of reach. And the flames of the passion that has once inspired him to become a hero have weakened to but an ember. Being overwhelmingly powerful...is boring as hell. And it has left Saitama feeling emotionally numb and hollow.It was a good thing he had friends...acquaintances because it’s lonely at the top.Saitama continued to stare at the screen forgetting to blink. His eyes rolled over to the left to focus on the calendar. May 23 is surrounded by several sloppy red circles and arrows pointing at it from all directions. Inside the circle read “SALE!! FIRST COME, FIRST SERVE!!”Saitama’s heart pounded in his chest. He shifted his eyes to the bottom right hand corner of the TV. “May 23, 82o, 10:35 AM.” Saitama’s expression widened as he released a slowly escalating scream.Minutes later, he was out of the door wearing pale blue jeans, green sneakers with white tips, and hoodie that read “Oppai,” followed by what appear to be a curvy W with dots in the gaps. Additionally, he had on a green backpack.Saitama made a frantic sprint down the street avoiding many citizens along the way with swift movements the untrained eye couldn’t detect. He swung his arms all the way past his head making it seem like he was performing rapid karate chops.Five minutes later, Saitama came to a screeching halt. He arrived at his destination: A mundane supermarket.Saitama steps on a black carpet seemingly stapled to the concrete ground. The automatic doors swiftly retreated to the sides. After walking a few steps, Saitama’s head moved in all directions. He scanned the horizons with attentiveness that would make Genos proud.An open mouth smile takes over his face. He walks over to the vegetation aisle.Two heads of cabbage sit behind transparent wrapping atop a yellow tray. Below to it sits a pointy hot pink, paper mache sign that reads “CABBAGES, 50% OFF!!” Saitama picks up a red shopping basket underneath it and places the cabbage inside.When he turned around, Saitama is greeted by an elderly woman with a hunched back. The woman wore a warm smile that indicated she lived a long, satisfying life.“Oh my,” she says. “Is that the last batch of twin cabbages?”Saitama noded.“Oh dear. What a shame… I was really hoping to get a batch to make some salad with it.”Saitama stared at the woman with a blank expression.“It's disappointing a poor old lady can’t get her proper nutrients for her vitamin A deficiency.”The old lady looked at Saitama with cat eyes. He squinted staring at her for a moment. Then, he slowly leaned forward as his face grew dimly serious and in deep voice and a serious demeanor, he said:“First come, first served. Old bitch.”