A Markham man who admits he killed his 25-year-old neighbour described himself to police as a "fringe" individual who struggled to fit in to society and suffered from a number of mental health problems.

"It's not something I want to admit to, but that's the way it is and it is very embarrassing and I wish it was different," Daniel Sylvester said in a videotaped interview with police that was played for jurors yesterday.

"I'm not someone (who) is compatible with most people.... I feel very nervous and apprehensive around people, especially in large classroom settings," Sylvester continued, explaining that he dropped out of high school because it was "too demeaning."

In the interview with York Region police Det. Richard McViety on Sept. 20, 2005, Sylvester explained how he had struggled with a number of mental health problems, including depression, anxiety, attention deficit disorder and a drinking problem.

Police were called to his house once when he threatened to "blow my head off," and he was hospitalized on another occasion because it was feared he was suicidal, he said

Sylvester, 33, has admitted killing Ross, following a heated argument at about midnight on Aug. 16, 2005, in the pathway between their homes. But he has pleaded not guilty to second-degree murder before Justice Edwin Minden in a Newmarket court.

He tried to plead guilty to manslaughter before his trial began, but his plea was rejected by Crown prosecutor Kelly Wright.

Sylvester said that during the argument with Ross, she called him a name, which made him snap.

"She insulted me and called me a loser and that's what really got me going," he said on the video.

Asked by McViety if he'd ever been called that name before, he responded:

"Yes, many times throughout high school and ... even grade school. I just have social difficulties with other kids. I have anxiety problems," he said.

Sylvester said he had seen as many as 15 different doctors, including psychiatrists and a psychologist, for his problem but hadn't sought help in the three years before Ross's death. He said he also tried a number of different medications including antidepressants, mood stabilizers and sedatives.

He said he had been a "borderline alcoholic," but stopped drinking because he was afraid he'd lose his driver's licence.

Sylvester, who said he hadn't slept in two days prior to confessing to police, often appeared relaxed on the videotape, slouching in a chair, stretching his legs and clasping his hands behind his head.

But his demeanour drastically changed, when McViety asked him to pen a letter to Ross and her family.

"I don't know what I'd say," he told the detective as he started sobbing uncontrollably.

"I would say I had no right to take your daughter's life," he cried, turning away from the detective and facing a wall.

Through his tears, he wrote a two-sentence note to Ross's family: "I am beyond words. I cannot possible express how sorry I am for what I have (done)."

Ross's mother, Sharon Fortis, sat in the second row of the courtroom, tightly clutching a wad of tissues in her hand. She removed her glasses during the video and wiped away tears. Tears also welled in the eyes of a female juror.

Sylvester's mother, Olga, sat in the back row of the courtroom clutching her rosary.

Sylvester appeared unemotional as he watched the tape from the prisoner's box.

McViety left the interview room, but the tape was still rolling. Sylvester could barely be heard talking to himself:

"I should never have been born. ... Nice going a--hole. Way to make your mother proud. Real credit to your family. You never should have been f---ing born. Oh my God."

Earlier in the tape, Sylvester said he regretted the grief he had caused his mother.

"I told her that ... I'd never do this to hurt you, I'd never put you in this position. All the shame and humiliation you're going to have to bear being associated with me," he said.

"I don't know what this is going to do with the press. You know that she doesn't need that. (She's) 71," he continued.

Asked why he confessed, Sylvester told the officer it was his conscience:

"Guilt and stress. ... The fact that I didn't want to keep it on my chest anymore. ... I was depressed. ... The stress from the potential polygraph. You know, the fact that I took a life."

The trial continues.