Ready? Here’s what was fake on the Internet this week:

1. There is no “bar for pregnant women.” In what may be one of the more tone-deaf marketing hoaxes of recent months, a new bar-finding app apparently invented an offensive fake bar — complete with billboard, storefront and social media accounts! — to draw attention to its otherwise inoffensive service. The faux-bar, Gestations, advertised that it was opening in New York’s East Village in October and would offer trimester specials, among other things, for women “drinking for two.” But as several sharp-eyed Internet sleuths have noted, all of Gestations’ marketing materials also prominently plug this app, Bartrendr. And when local blogger E.V. Grieve asked the building’s owner about their new tenant, he said they’d only rented the sign for a month. After that, a vet’s office — not an embattled bar — will be moving in.

2. There is no hippo in the Chicago River. Not one but two startled YouTube users claim to have recorded a hippo surfacing in downtown Chicago, a city not exactly known for its population of wild, 3,000-pound herbivores. Neither clip is particularly clear, a fault that commenters have justly called the filmers on. More problematic, of course, is the fact that hippos probably couldn’t survive as far north as Chicago: They’re native to sub-Saharan Africa, and a spokesperson from Chicago’s Brookfield Zoo said a hippo’s chances were slim in Chicago’s comparatively chilly waters. There’s another tip-off, too: Both “Chris” and “Matt,” the anonymous hippo-spotters, have only been on YouTube for a couple weeks, and their alleged hippo sightings are their only videos on the site.

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3. Ebola cannot be cured with saltwater. A prank that circulated via social media and text message apparently convinced hundreds of Nigerians that drinking and bathing in saltwater prevents Ebola — and at least 20 people were hospitalized because of it. Per ABC, the hoax was started by a Nigerian student who immediately regretted the joke when she realized people were taking it seriously. (For the record, drinking saltwater can cause severe, even fatal, dehydration.) Alas, this is only one of many fake Ebola cures circulating the interwebs: Amazon hucksters have begun self-publishing books full of their bogus Ebola theories, and it appears some of the books are selling quite well. There’s also no truth to a widely circulated story about an Ebola vaccine that “only works on white people” — that unfunny bit of “satire” originated on News Nerd, the infamous generator of Internet B.S.

4. Collectors are not paying millions for “invisible art.” In a perfect parody of art world excess, two commentators for Canada’s CBC Radio, Pat Kelly and Peter Oldring, invented a 27-year-old who sold “invisible paintings,” a.k.a. nothing, as art. The article was shared nearly 200,000 times by outraged social-media users who either seem to have missed the joke, or just really, earnestly wanted it to be true. The Guardian’s art critic, Jonathan Jones, sees the whole incident as a meta-commentary on the art scene: “the image of rich people forking out for invisible art and proudly showing it to their friends as the very latest thing is such a glorious image of plutocratic idiocy that it just had to be true.”

5. ESPN did not convene an all-male panel on domestic violence. The Twitterverse was outraged — outraged, I tell you — by a story that appeared on Esquire.com last Friday, claiming that this week’s episode of “Monday Night Countdown” would include a special segment on domestic violence … without any actual women present. In fact, there was no special segment: It was just a regular ol’ episode of “Monday Night Countdown,” which always includes a discussion panel, and the show itself is hosted by a woman. That does not, of course, really excuse the fact that ESPN’s panels almost always consist of dudes, but the outrage in this case was misdirected.

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6. Congress’ domestic violence record is not worse than the NFL’s. While we’re on the subject of football and domestic violence, this viral Facebook meme merits some salt: It claims, among other things, that 36 members of Congress have been accused of spousal abuse, 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the past year, and 14 have been arrested for shoplifting — and it’s been shared several hundred thousand times. While these stats would help explain Congress’ unpopularity, they’re not true. The Tampa Bay Times’ PolitiFact couldn’t verify the numbers, even after digging through news archives and other public sources: They assigned it a “pants on fire” rating.

7. Comedian Andy Kaufman is (probably not?!) still alive. Legendary comedian Andy Kaufman was a meme before we had them: Since dying of cancer in 1984, viral rumors that he actually faked his own death have popped up, like clockwork, every couple of years. The latest rumors come courtesy of a new book by Kaufman’s friend Bob Zmuda and the Internet’s legions of Kaufman truthers. While anything is possible in this topsy-turvy world, we refer you to previous debunking on the subject here and here.