Originally published in the May 2011 Music Issue

We had a big old tabletop stereo. I used to envision that when I closed the top and played the record that the guys were in there playing, rocking out.

One thing I found out for sure in life is, don't hang out with assholes. Surround yourself with good people. Whether they're the best or not, people are capable of learning if they've got good hearts and they're good souls.

My theory on Hollywood is that there's a lot of pretty, pretty girls that go out there with a lot of dreams. And whenever you got a lot of pretty girls in one spot, it attracts every fucking idiot from all four corners of the world. Every douchebag, scumbag, scumsucker shows up and sets up shop and tries to figure out how to roll people.

Two of my grandparents died in a car crash. Sucks, 'cause they would have lived to a hundred. Square-dancing fools.

Detroit: Cars and rock 'n' roll. Not a bad combo.

It's the worst name in the world. The only person that had a dumber name than me was the Fresh Prince. Hey, it sounded like a cool rap name when I was sixteen. But it stuck, and now it's me. I'll be an eighty-year-old man — "call me the Kid."

I throw my hat on, put my clown suit on — it does allow me to get away with murder in a lot of ways. You fucking say something so outrageous, and people just go, "Aw, it's fucking Kid Rock."

I'll play your fucking birthday party you come up with the cash.

Kenny Chesney called me. We were talking about a tour or something. He texted me real early in the morning. It must have been six in the morning. And I texted him back. And he asked me, "Were you up all night?" I said, "No, no, I'm getting up for my son." He said, "Holy shit, don't worry, I'm not going to tell anybody you were up this early, because it'll ruin your image." I go, "You can't ruin my image." Make no mistake: Bob Ritchie's up early in the morning taking pictures of his son on the first day of his senior year. Kid Rock is passed out in a hotel room somewhere with four scantily clad women.

You know you got the devil on this shoulder and you got the angel on this shoulder? When I'm on the road, this motherfucker never says nothing.

Whatever you read, I'm all that. You can make me out to be a great single father who lives in a small town and helps his community, or you can make me out to be some drug-raging beat-your-ass-in-the-Waffle-House fucking rock star. I'm all that.

The Waffle House will be a cloud hanging over me forever. But not the worst cloud. Could have been worse. What if we were in a fucking Ruth's Chris? That would have hurt my image.

The vigorous workout I do onstage helps a lot.

The music gets you feeling good, you start cracking some drinks, pretty soon there's some girls there and the music, it sets your soul on fire. It does me, anyway.

When Junior was young, it was Christmastime, I had a gig the night before, and I was shit-faced, just beyond. Drugs and alcohol. I passed out in my bathroom, dead weight. My son comes in, he's like, "Grandma, something's wrong with Dad!" So my mom tries to get me to make this big excuse up: "Tell him you came home and you were tired and this that and the other." I'm sitting there at breakfast and I say, "Your dad got trashed last night." I'm going to sit here and lie to this kid? He's like seven. I'm like, "Big concert, party afterward, I drank too much and passed out. I'm not proud of it, but that's what happens when you do that."

It's tough, man. You throw a party for fifteen thousand people every night. And then it's kind of like you're not supposed to participate in it. That doesn't sit well with me. I don't mind throwing the party. But motherfucker, I want to party, too.

I see friends who are in different genres of music and they say they're so burnt playing the same stuff every night. That's why you see a country act wanting to go out and play an old classic rock song. But what cracks me up is that they all want to be Jimmy Buffett. I can't figure that out.

I know I'm not the best. I'm not the best singer, I'm not the best songwriter, I'm not the best player. But I know that what I fucking do, I'm the best at.

People ask all the time, "What would you be doing if you weren't Kid Rock?" It's simple: I'd be broke Kid Rock.

The problem I got is when people are like, Fuck Kid Rock, he's a piece of shit, white-trash whatever. I'm like, You wouldn't say that to me in a fucking bar. You'll get your fucking wig peeled back. So don't sit behind your computer and type it.

I've paid for more pianos in hotel lobbies than you can imagine.

One middle-finger "fuck you" is fun. Two is funner.

I don't do hookers, man. I'm in a rock band.

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