In regulated markets, disputes are handled by lawyers. In the black market, disputes are handled by guns. I have no love for lawyers, but I’d rather get hit by a stray brief than a stray bullet. The entire philosophy behind SWAT-style drug raids is that the death of a mother, a child, or the family pet is an acceptable risk to prevent flushing. As anyone who has tried to quit smoking knows, dependence is hardest to overcome during difficult or stressful times. That must be why, when the government helps drug abusers quit, they arrest them and take away their job, possessions, and children.

If I wanted to win the hearts and minds of farmers in Latin America and Afghanistan, I probably wouldn’t start by destroying their fields and removing their only hope of feeding their families.

Those massive drug seizures you read about in the paper affect traffickers much the same way a DVD shoplifter affects WalMart — an annoyance, but part of the normal cost of doing business.

No government in the world can compete with the black market in financial compensation for police officers.

When a government uses military personnel, equipment, and tactics against its own citizens, is it time to call it a Civil War rather than a Drug War?

The drunk driver speeds through the stop sign without seeing it.

The stoned driver stops and patiently waits for it to turn green. The government is good at job creation. Every arrest of a drug dealer creates a new high-paying job opening.

If you want to bring a community together, hold a pot-luck dinner. If you want to drive it apart, hold a drug war.

Americans are generally pretty brave… although some are apparently terrified of people who listen to Pink Floyd and eat Cheetos.

Even the characters played by Tommy Chong make more sense than most politicians.

Sometimes people say I shouldn’t mind being searched if I have nothing to hide. I immediately accuse them of having a swastika tattooed on their genitalia — if they have nothing to hide, then surely they shouldn’t mind dropping their pants to prove me wrong. There’s something horribly, treasonously wrong in a country of the people, by the people and for the people, where the government functions by lying to the people. The only way to have a drug-free world is to have a people-free world. And even then, the animals will get stoned. Some days it feels like I’m watching a house on fire. And one idiot wants to put it out with a machine gun. The other one wants to use grenades. And I’m standing there with a bucket of water and they look at me like I’m crazy. The DEA wouldn’t know science if they accidentally broke down its door and shot its dog. Punishing people for what they might become is never a legitimate use of government power. And yet, that’s the philosophy behind arresting drug users. In a sane society, an increase in arrests would be seen as a sign of failure.

We treat it like scoring points in a basketball game and give out bonuses.