Facebook

Never get hired again.

Blockbuster Video

We’re still around. No, seriously.

Bing

Is to Google what Billy Baldwin is to Alec.

Pabst Blue Ribbon

Please notice me.

Hot Pockets

I don’t know how to cook anything.

iPad

Big iPhones for pooping.

Walgreens

We actually sell clothes here.

Charleston Chew

Old people candy.

Twitter

You’re drunk again.

Dominos

Remember when that guy put boogers in the food?

Nike

You’re fat but Michael Jordan was awesome!

Mountain Dew

Call of Duty fuel.

Arrowhead Water

Toilet water.

Netflix

Wait, don’t go! Arrested Development!

Jergens

Hey, take it easy down there.