In regards to the past:

This post involves certain language that is not stream appropriate. If you are reading this out loud, skip over the words in question to avoid TOS.



If you don't know anything about me or have found me recently you wouldn't know without research about the trolling or problematic past I created. I did not care about online images and was desperate to fit in with people who surrounded me / was willing to take down others ahead of me, because it was all fun and games.





Since becoming more serious on Twitch and given multiple chances to be on the platform, I have started to take my actions more seriously and watch what I put out into the platforms, ignoring the past situations and ultimately, forcing myself to forget about them.



This is not an excuse, this is an explanation, I genuinely do not remember some of the things I have said or done due to periods of times where I heavily abused anti-depressants and other medications. So when someone confronts me with things it will take me a while to process and think about them.



Sometimes those things brought to me are so extreme that I immediately will think " I would never do that." because who I have grown to be now, and what I stand for now, would not do those things.



Being recently brought to my attention, racist overrustle logs from 2016 where I am seen to type the N word twice.



At first, I didn't believe the account was mine, and instead it was someone with an uppercase I as an L, after that was disproved I was confused with myself because I cannot see myself saying that for any reason. That word is not in my vocabulary and hearing that people were accusing me of saying it made me disgusted in myself.



https://imgur.com/a/Bi7dQAF



To give an explanation, again, not an excuse:



I was copy pasting a troll, someone who was spamming those things, and I was mocking him. I did not mean to say those things will ill-intent or call anybody that word. I was making fun of someone. This is why I claimed to "not remember", because I didn't say those things within my own morals or belief, it was a heat of the moment attempt to call someone out on how they are acting, and to give the person a bit of a power trip. Kind of like a "what you're doing is not edgy or funny look i can do it too you arent special" way of thinking.



I no longer think like that. I put myself above those with that mindset.



I do not want these things to reflect on my current self, and the values I stand for now.



If these logs offend anyone, I wanted to formally apologize. I am sorry not only that I brought myself to the lower lever and said these things, but I am also sorry for handling it incorrectly. I do not expect sympathy, compassion, or forgiveness. I wanted to let you all know that I acknowledge and recognize the mistake, I no longer think things like this are acceptable in my behavior, and I have changed.



Please take me accountable for any mistakes made in the future as well.

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