FOOTBALL fans were in high spirits after the England team we all know and love to hate returned to form, losing 1-0 to Belgium in the final game of the group stages of this year's World Cup.

Supporters across England were left confused and in uncomfortable after the team won its first two group games, sailing through to the round of 16 without the agonising drama we've all grown accustomed to in the last few decades.

But after the team's lacklustre performance against Belgium's B team, fans can relax and go back to simultaneously loving and loathing their national team, the quintessentially English approach to patriotism.

England fan Martin Dixon said: "Finally. I've been waiting two bloody weeks to moan about how shit they are.

"I don't like it when they play well. It's unnatural. Christ, I was worrying we might actually win it for a while.

"But thankfully, Southgate came to his senses in time, benched our best players and brought Phil Jones on before it was too late.

"In the end, we came up against a half decent side, played our own beautifully boring brand of football, barely hit a shot on target and lost, just like old times!