A violent shootout on the streets of Santa Monica has resulted in five injuries and one fatality, with Chris Badawi’s career pronounced dead at the scene. According to the Los Angeles Police Department, the drive-by ganking highlights a trend of escalating inter-syndicate violence at the heart of North American League of Legends.

Many suspect that Badawi’s elimination marks the end of a campaign against him led by the Arhancet Nation, which has long sought to besmirch the legitimate businessman with accusations of poaching as outlandish as they are widespread and well documented.

In an effort to uncover the actions of these coteries, investigators have described shibboleths distinct to each group, known in their underground esports street vernacular as “memes.”

Police have gathered a list of powerful secret societies, including:

The Arhancet Nation — An influential ring of esports organizational staff, using Travis Gafford as an unholy mouthpiece through which to disseminate disinformation. They are currently using the journalist to illegally smuggle imported players in his 1971 Lincoln Mk III.

+++++++ — A sinister cadre of YouTubers menacing the law-abiding citizens of /r/leagueoflegends, known for their upvote laundering and sex trafficking. Many speculate they have close ties to the Azubu Family and the WTFast Conglomerate.

Riot Games — The most powerful of the clandestine organizations, continues to charge for new content despite the protests of their player base. Its global reach allows it to distribute its addictive product to millions.

The Capitalist Known Only as Odee — One man runs a covert empire, whipping writers for up to date League content and rewarding them only in mouse pads and all-too-brief respite from the lash.

The Modfia — A cartel with connections that run right to the top, absolute power has corrupted absolutely. All opposition is silenced.

Your Four Asshole Friends — They’ve been repeatedly saying they “just didn’t see you online,” only to queue with some random guy… but you messaged Jake the last time and he didn’t respond. Rotten to the core.

Detectives working the case indicate that Badawi may have precipitated the ganking when he claimed late last week that,

“Of course they’re all lying, esports is the perfect breeding ground for extensive and unlikely-sounding conspiracies. Who wouldn’t want to rule over a niche-within-a-niche hobby, full of young, naive teens with no power and little disposable income?”

He added, “The chilling alternative is that all involved are just desperately covering their own incompetence, and that there is no real pattern to the chaos.”





