'My most unappealing habit? My innate wish to find the best in everyone, even my enemies. And lying'

Mark Thomas was born in 1963 and raised in London. He was educated at boarding school and went on to be a standup. In 1996, Channel 4 gave him his own series, The Mark Thomas Comedy Product, and he began to combine comedy with political activism. In 2004, he won the Global Defence of Human Rights award. His current tour, and new book, Extreme Rambling, is about his walk along the entire Israeli separation barrier.

When were you happiest?

A minute after getting married. The registrar asked my wife how she felt. She replied, "Trapped!" Perfect.

What is your greatest fear?

Getting asked to go on a reality TV programme and agreeing.

What is your earliest memory?

My mum cooking on a Baby Belling

Which living person do you most admire, and why?

Nick Clegg: his ability to wake up each day, look in the mirror and not put a gun in his mouth is astounding.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

Modesty.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Indifference to me.

What would your super power be?

I just want to get through each day without the need to shut my eyes for 10 minutes.

If you could bring something extinct back to life, what would you choose?

Nationalised industries.

Who would play you in the film of your life?

That bloke from the Go Compare ad.

What is your most unappealing habit?

My innate wish to find the best in everyone, even my enemies. The ease with which I forgive. And lying.

What is your favourite book?

Nigel Slater's Appetite, easily the book I refer to most.

What is the worst thing anyone's said to you?

"I am afraid he died."

What do you owe your parents?

An upbringing imbued with the Protestant work ethic, and a working knowledge of every swearword and its combinations by the age of eight.

What or who is the love of your life?

Me.

Which living person do you most despise, and why?

Rupert Murdoch – if you are going to despise someone, it should be someone worthy of your hatred.

Who would you invite to your dream dinner party?

Piers Morgan.

What is the worst job you've done?

I used to work with my dad (a self-employed builder), who had a penchant for getting me to rod blocked drains first thing after breakfast.

What has been your biggest disappointment?

The immortality thing isn't going as planned.

If you could go back in time, where would you go?

To see the Kinks live.

How often do you have sex?

Insert whatever figure will cause most embarrassment to my children.

What single thing would improve the quality of your life?

A coffee cup made from the skull of Michael Gove.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Breathing for 47 years.

What song would you like played at your funeral?

Spike Milligan's Q5 theme music.

What is the most important lesson life has taught you?

You don't need an ideology to be an idealist.

How would you like to be remembered?

The man who poisoned Piers Morgan.