I Didn’t Prepare For My Future. Now I’m a Writer Over 50.

How Desperation Became My Best Friend.

Because I didn’t prepare for my future, I had to work my way out of financial peril. The stress was at times overwhelming. Yet, that period had unexpectedly become the most professionally productive of my professional life, a reward that continues to this day.

The Greatest Mistake Becomes a Godsend

I only cared about making my career. Hindsight being everything, the clarity that was missing then is present in abundance now. I identified as a writer from an early age, and I never saved money. I worked 100 day jobs over the years so I wouldn’t be homeless, and wrote a book based on those experiences due to the absurdity of that number and the lack of any consistent professional progress. As an author and screenwriter, I made a lot of money at times by selling scripts and taking assignments, then hit years-long droughts and emptied my bank accounts.

The security I had promised my wife was non-existent. I stubbornly persisted pursuing my dream at all costs as I was stuck in the perception that we were “this close” to a financial windfall. Those thoughts, however, lasted several years as my career stagnated. My wife stuck around, and I began to question her judgement. Checks bounced. I became desperate, and I panicked.

And then I woke up. I realized my wife believed in me, despite everyone. I was and am immensely grateful. I could not abide losing the woman who had stood by my side for so long.

I embraced my desperation. I stopped fighting that battle and prepared to fight another: I knew I had the talent, and I knew I could make her happy. If financial issues determined I had to work an outside job to make our marriage work, so be it. I’d find one. As long as I persisted in my professional goals as well, and did not casually toss away years of effort, I came to believe I really could have it all.

In hindsight, if I did not change my focus I would not have written the multiple novels and films, and sold the television shows that followed. Desperation had bred action.

Desperation: A Writer’s Greatest Ally

On a memorable episode of “Shark Tank,” Mark Cuban told an entrepreneur, “There is always a path. You just have to find it.”

When I embraced my desperation, I had found my path.

The following are 10 tough lessons I’ve learned along that path that hopefully you will find of value:

Desperation leads to panic … but only if you allow it. Whether you practice yoga, martial arts, or meditation … or find relaxation in reading a book, sitting at a beach, or on your porch in a chair cherishing your garden, stop what you’re doing if the panic wells, and take some much-needed “me time.” Whatever relaxes you prior to going back to work is a gift. Listen to your parents or other role models when they tell you to save your money. When I was a teen, my parents set up their three children with money market accounts. We were given multiple lessons about financial responsibility, and told we could either grow the money, or spend it. It would be up to us. I bought comic books with mine, certain that when I became a “famous writer one day,” I could credit the stories for my inspiration. Well, I enjoyed my comic books, but I was broke well into my twenties. Catching up is no fun. If you can avoid it, do so at all costs. You will certainly learn lessons, as I did, but if you can dodge what would likely become a near-crushing degree of stress, do so by any means necessary. If you take non-stop action initially because of your desperation, then shift your focus and maintain the work for reasons other than your desperation, you will become noticed. That statement is not based in science; it is based on the experience of myself and others. I’ve written several articles incorporating this theme, and some readers have informed me they still have a difficult time with the concept. Long and short: For a writer, non-stop action is the collective process from writing to submitting to acceptance … to cashing your check. When one is truly desperate, non-stop action ideally would include continuing to write, market, and practice one’s craft in as much as possible. Panicking over bills will frequently win this battle. I’ve been there, having on many occasions spent far more time thinking about my rent or mortgage payments than writing itself. However, the scale does indeed tip as long as you remain disciplined and consistent. You need to remind yourself that desperation can be an ally if it triggers a deeper need to produce. I know, and you know, the hardcore among us are born writers. Not in any biological or metaphysical sense, but in the sense that writing is a need, like breathing, not a want. Keep breathing. The rewards can only follow if you remain persistent. If not, you have authored your failure Never listen to anyone who says you are too old. The reason is: you are too old. You should have had that much more time to enjoy the spoils. You should have saved your money. You didn’t. Now, prove those naysayers wrong. With age and life experience comes better writing, not an expiration date. This means new opportunities as a writer, not less. Yes, you may well encounter ageism. Take advantage of that too. Try even harder. Now is make-up time. Remember who you are. You are right in what you think during those private moments when you contemplate why you have not yet attained the career for which you strive ... despite your talent. You do have value, as a writer and otherwise. If you haven’t yet “made it,” pivot and try new strategies. This is no different a school of thought than any successful entrepreneur. If you have the tools, you have the tools. Developing a prudent strategy is the key. Save your money. Keep 10–20% aside from any money you earn, from writing projects to your outside job, if any. Bank or invest it. Keep a running list of your mistakes. Refer to them often, and learn from them. You’re human. You’ll still make mistakes. Lose this mindset: Being a starving artist is noble. It is not. Being a starving artist is an immensely stressful inconvenience. Gain this mindset: If others have come back from adversity, way can’t I? History favors the underdog. If you have come through, you have earned your stripes. Respect comes from there.

Now go out and kick ass.

In Conclusion:

The desperation-panic tandem is the period when most writers give up on their dreams. This is the time when many — and this is not wrong — go the “full-time job” route and become “responsible” adults.

You need to do what’s right for you.

My thought is this: If I had elected to go that route when times were toughest, I knew I personally would have managed a world of regret later. For me, that option was a was non-starter. Though I did consider quitting, I knew that I was one submission acceptance away from gaining my footing. I stood my ground, and that decision proved the right one for me.

I would never have achieved, and earned the life I live today, if I had given up. The difference is, I know now that if desperation ever again hits, it will be a process that needs to be embraced. If used as a motivator, my focus would shift to something that much more productive.

If not, you will get used to it.

What’s your choice?

Thank you for reading.

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