As stated above, The Mint is thrilled to congratulate all of those Mint enthusiasts who made it through lent without breaking their promises. All of us here at The Mint salute you, the reader, for being able to do something even members of the writing staff and executive board could not do. Upon polling all Mint employees the number of Mint workers that broke their Lenten promises proved to be staggering.

The numbers:

32% of Mint executives could not keep their promise

60% of Mint executives who broke their promise said they would not sleep with the secretaries

2% of Mint secretaries could not keep their promise

100% of Mint secretaries who broke their promise said they would sleep with executives

74% of Mint researchers could not keep their promise

100% of Mint researchers said they would not masturbate to pictures of the secretaries

100% of Mint maintenance crew could not keep their promise

100% of Mint maintenance crew said they would not take pictures of the secretaries in the bathroom and sell them to the researchers