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Boundaries are principles that you establish in order to keep yourself feeling safe and comfortable, emotionally and physically. Healthy boundaries involve giving yourself the interpersonal and mental space to fully be you. They protect you from being unduly pressured into behaving in ways that you don’t want to, or having your own mood, time, or mindset completely and continually drowned out by someone else’s. Establishing functional boundaries means that your connections to other people feel fulfilling and positive: they add to your life rather than encroach upon it. Without healthy boundaries, it’s very hard to be true to yourself and live in accordance with your own goals, values, and desires.

If you have certain relationships or interactions where you consistently feel that your voice is being drowned out, or that you’ve become a performer in a life where someone else is always calling the shots, it could be that you need to establish firmer boundaries. If you frequently leave interactions feeling steamrolled, taken advantage of, or violated, odds are high that you could use some help in this arena. But remember: even though setting appropriate boundaries can be tough for some of us, if we want to live a life that’s truly our own, it’s our right — and our responsibility — to do so.

Some boundaries may be trickier to set than others, but boundary-setting always goes better when you can take a deep breath and be steady, deliberate and firm, rather than acting out in a moment of anger or panic.

Ready to start drawing some lines? Here is a look at some common trouble spots and how to handle them.