The UK Sun describes Britney Campbell as an 8 year old who “loves dancing to Lady GaGa, is fond of fashion and enjoys putting on make-up”. But it would seem that her commitment to beauty stems beyond playing dress up and trying on her mother’s shoes. The same article reports that once every three months, Britney’s mom, Kerry, carts Britney into her local spa where she administers botox injections and what is dubbed as “virgin waxes” – which Kerry describes as a waxing ritual which “gets rid of her fluffy leg hair and makes sure she wont develop pubic hair in the future.”

Virgin wax? Rest assured Kerry Campbell has a brilliant plan for her little girl…

Kerry says these shocking and potentially dangerous treatments will guarantee Britney becomes famous as a teenager.

Famous teenager? Which presupposes this must be the new desired stasis in life. After all fame and beauty help us to be sufficiently loved. Which all together can’t be a bad thing. Right?

She says: “What I am doing for Britney now will help her become a star.

“I know one day she will be a model, actress or singer, and having these treatments now will ensure she stays looking younger and baby-faced for longer.

“I’m sure people reading this will think I am being irresponsible, but I ensure that I test the Botox and fillers I buy online on myself first.

“All I want is for Britney to have the best start in life, so it is easier for her to become a superstar.

Well at least Kerry tries the magic cures on herself first. That to be sure has reassured my jittery nerves. And superstar? Is that a new craze amongst tweens that one needs to get a leg up on?

“More mothers should do it for their daughters.”

Indeed. I to be sure will begin injecting the little child across the hallway when her mother isn’t looking. Why deprive any child of super stardom?

And what about Britney? How does she feel about being a star?

Britney says: “My friends think it’s cool I have all the treatments and they want to be like me. I check every night for wrinkles, when I see some I want more injections.

“They used to hurt, but now I don’t cry that much.

“I also want a boob and nose job soon, so that I can be a star.”

Hmm. Sounds like Britney’s got her heart set on a bright future.

Which leads this author to wonder, why be a vain older woman scanning for wrinkles when you can be an ambitious 8 year old girl dreaming about her first boob job and impending box office movie role?

Don’t you deserve to be a superstar too?