PORTLAND, ME—Barely able to contain the slight approval on his face, local groom Brad Donnelly confirmed Friday that the sight of his beautiful bride walking down the aisle filled him with an overwhelming happyish feeling. “As soon as I saw her step out in her dress, I was overcome by this amazing above-neutral kind of sensation,” said Donnelly, admitting he had never felt so somewhat satisfied in his entire life. “Having all our friends and family here as the radiant love of my life came up to me, it was this amazing kind of sensation resembling joy. I never knew a person could feel so much like he should be generally pleased. I’m sure I’ll remember that moment for the rest of this weekend.” At press time, Donnelly was talking with his family about his sick grandfather who couldn’t make it and feeling confident this was the kind of thing that people feel sad about.

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