But so long as it is the only way through which we see this issue, the myth will continue to entangle us and prevent us from reckoning with what's real. The damage isn't done by the absence of a father, but from the feelings of abandonment. If black children were raised in an environment that focused not on their lack of fathers but on filling their lives with the nurturing love we all need to thrive, what difference would an absent father make? If they woke up in homes with electricity and running water and food, went to schools with teachers and counselors who provided everything they needed to learn, then went home to caretakers of any gender who weren't so exhausted that they actually had time to sit and talk and do homework with them, and no one ever said that their lives were somehow incomplete because they didn't have a father, would they hold on to some pain of lack well into adulthood?