mikami:

Misa is a stalker. Stalkees do not owe their stalkers love. Yes, Light is awful to Misa. And so is she to him. No amount of ‘but it’s because I love you’ makes stalking ok.

Okay, now that I am at a computer, I have time and willpower to add detail to this claim. Yes, I know, I’ve talked about this a lot already, but it is just very very important to me to bring awareness to the romanticizing of stalking. Please stop normalizing this ‘they said they love me so I owe them to love them back despite all they do to me’ mentality. People suffer from it enough already.

The fact that there is little to no acknowledgement of Misa’s stalking in the fandom and instead Light gets faulted for not loving her back is deeply troublesome to me in it’s real-world implications for relationship views.

Obvious disclaimers: This is not a defense of Light - whether or not Misa is a stalker has no bearing on the fact that Light also mistreats her. Relationships aren’t always so simple that there is one abuser and one victim. It is not in my interest to paint Light as innocent. This post is just not about him (and the reason it’s not is because everyone is thankfully abundantly aware that his end of the relationship is pretty shitty).

Then I also am honestly not telling anyone to not like Misa. Heck, I like Misa. She’s a cool character. Keep on liking her!! There is also no question that Misa herself is a damaged person who would have profited greatly from therapy, but this is also not the point of this specific post. My only interest here is a differentiated view of both the character and of stalking as an issue.

So this time I’m going to follow a mostly systematic approach and just work myself through this infographic because it’s probably an easy but effective way to get the point across. (Full size here, because tumblr makes this tiny, though I’ll also transcribe it so there’s no need to keep this open in another tab.)

Misa may not tick off all of these boxes, but she certainly gets quite a few and I’m just gonna give a lot of caps for it with some explanations. Cool? Cool.

1. Intensity - someone you just met exhibits the following behaviour: lying or exaggerating, insisting you move in / get married / have kids immediately; trying to win over friends and family; over the top gestures like expensive gifts/dates, extreme love letters, sweeping you off your feet, bombarding you with texts and emails; behaving obsessively and non-stop calls.

Their first meeting starts with Misa insisting Light should become her boyfriend - he initially tries to reject her and gives ample argument for it, but she won’t have any of it.

In trying to convince Light she immediately volunteers murder of her friend - not an ‘over the top gift’ in the traditional sense, but quite ‘uh’-worthy.

The VIZ translation omits this but she also calls Sachiko ‘Okasan’ (mom) on first meeting as if she were an official daughter-in-law. She has had literally one single conversation with Light, but she is trying to seamlessly integrate as an official part of his family already.

This repeats with her calling Soichiro ‘father’ on their first meeting.

The constant calls don’t actually wind up happening because Light announces he will keep the phone turned off, but the intent is there:

2. Jealousy - Behaving irrationally when you get a new promotion, job or new friend, becoming angry when you speak to the opposite sex; persistently accusing you of cheating, resenting your time with friends, family, coworkers or activities; demanding to know private details about your life

Misa initially is very insistent on Light being available to her (she is appalled when he states he can’t be reached via phone and follows him uninvited when he states they can’t meet), but there is no specific data on how she reacts to his work schedule once domesticity sets in because we immediately skip 5 years and never get to see the actual start of their domestic life. After having had Light to herself for half a decade, Misa appears fairly alright with his workload though it is also of note that he works from home, so she does actually have the option to check in on him whenever.

There is something to be said for her behaviour regarding other girls though:

A cap that can speak for itself.

3. Control - telling you how to dress; when to speak or what to think; showing up uninvited at your home, school or job; checking your cell phone, emails, Facebook; going through your belongings; timing, following you; controlling, withholding money; sexually coercing you

Lots of these do not apply to Misa, but she does have a real knack for showing up not only uninvited but explicitly unwanted. After their first meeting was her showing up at his home at random, Light tells her that her coming to meet him could result in both their deaths. In a short time-span, Misa manages to still show up at his home and school against his stated wishes anyway.

While she is not guilty of sexual coercing in a strict sense, Misa still makes verbal sexual advances as towards Light in a timespan when he consistently rejects her and denies that they are dating (Yotsuba-Arc). Furthermore, she keeps initiating touch that he is visibly uncomfortable with. This goes on for literal months, without her taking note of his rejections.

4. Isolation - insisting you only spend time with them; making you emotionally, psychologically and financially dependent; preventing you from seeing your friends, family or children; forbidding you from going anywhere or speaking to anyone; keeping you home.

Okay, this is one that L does to Light in excess. Misa, not so much. I’ll point back towards ‘I’ll kill any girl I see you with’ though.

5. Criticism - […]

I’m not going to bother transcribing this one because being overly critical of Light is literally the opposite of Misa’s problem. What she does is idealize him to a point where it is impossible for her to see him as a real person.

6. Sabotage - making you miss school or work by starting a fight or having a meltdown; being needy when you’re busy or doing well; making you believe you’re crazy, alone or helpless; hiding your money, keys or phone: stealing your belongings; destroying your self-esteem





Sabotage is a little less forward with Misa than the examples on the poster are. Misa’s sabotage consists of placing her own desires over Light’s because she ultimately believes that being a happy couple will end up his goal as well. What he wants now is irrelevant, because he is her dream prince and has to want her as much as she wants him eventually. She projects her goals onto Light and acts on those primarily, in consequence sabotaging his own goals.

Specifically, Misa’s disregard to Light’s wishes in the first arc leads to her being seen by Mogi which incriminates Misa further and subsequently leads to Misa’s confinement and the need for Light to go into confinement as well. Thiiis in turn leads to him being mock-executed by his father, chained to L for months and missing a good chunk of his first college year. Obviously these are consequences Misa could not have predicted, but the point is just that her not respecting his boundaries and being reckless about his safety has direct consequences on his life plans that he then has to make up for somehow.

In further example of Misa having zero understanding for what Light is going through or trying to achieve, we have the second arc where Misa somehow assumes Light will be in the mood to have sex with her shortly after his sister was kidnapped and while the mafia has their hands on a death note.

It’s not conscious sabotage and she does not grow angry (just bewildered and a little irritated) when he rejects her, but it does show that Misa just does fundamentally not acknowledge Light’s priorities when they are not in line with her own.

7. Blame - making you feel guilty or responsible for their aggressive or destructive behavior; blaming the world or you for their problems; always saying “this is your fault” or “you made me do this”

Not pervasive, but Misa does tell Light that he is the reason she literally murdered innocent people. It was just out of gratitude!! Why are you disapproving, Light!! I’m just trying to make you love me!!

This further comment seems fairly benign, however what it actually does is re-frame all of her future actions so that Light has to interpret them on her terms. When she does something irrational, the cause of it will be “because I want you to love me.”



8. Anger - overreacting to small problems; frequently losing control; violent outbursts or severe mood swings; drinking excessively; threatening to hurt/kill you or loved ones; fighting; sexually abusing you; making you feel afraid for your life, your children’s lives

(Context: Misa is thanking Rem for threatening to kill Light.)

(Said to Kiyomi, long term friend of Light’s.)



So conclusion:

Stalking: Criminal activity consisting of the repeated following and harassing of another person.Stalking is a distinctive form of criminal activity composed of a series of actions that taken individually might constitute legal behavior. (x)

The fact that a lot of these scenes do not appear too incriminating on their own is consistent with the definition of stalking. It is not the action itself but the mass of actions as well as the context of them that makes a stalker.

With Misa there is a pervasive pattern of disregarding Light’s feelings entirely in favor of forcing her own view of their relationship upon him. Especially early in canon, all instances of Light trying to say ‘no’ to Misa are met with arguing or downright ignorance. Misa has proven over and over to be uncaring of his feelings if they do not fit her wishes. She will risk both Light’s and her own life in order to live her fantasy relationship with him.



This is not healthy behaviour. Misa has no respect for Light’s boundaries.

Saying that Light ought to be grateful that Misa loves him and that he is a bad person for not loving her back is saying that Light has to be grateful to be invalidated, threatened, put in mortal danger and have people killed in his name.

Nevermind that Light is also terrible. Saying that he owes Misa love is condoning all those actions of hers and painting them as positive and worthy of praise.

I urge everyone to think about this and keep in mind that in real life, lots of abuse victims struggle with this kind logic. Since love is idealized as a pure and good motivation, people have a hard time rejecting advances made in the name of love without feeling guilty or heartless. But the matter of fact is that love is a word and not everyone who says love means it the same way. To stalkers, their love is real and pure. This does not mean their stalk-ee owes them anything. Forcing your affections is never alright.

So again: I honestly have no issue with people wishing Misa a better life (because it did kind of suck) but I do have issue with people blaming Light for specifically not reacting favorably to stalking. Please recognize stalking for what it is.