Aloha, mutants! It’s that time of year once again when couples are forced to spend lots of money on each other while the single folk get to laugh manically whilst eating alone in their dark, empty studio apartments. (More of a laugh-cry, really.) In either case, Valentine’s Day is clearly a holiday for losers.

To help make the day a little more bearable, I’ve whipped up some free valentines for you to share, email, print out, burn, and curse.