“Warming the altar-boy’s dinner”

Some do it for fun, some do it for show. Some do it in tandem and some do it alone because they can’t get a qt 3.14 to do it with. Fapping won’t get you a girlfriend, but it’ll take the edge off for a few seconds.

>want a gf

>fap

>no longer want a gf

From the people who brought you 50 Great Names for Cum / Vagina / Penis / Breasts / Death and Drunk, this is 50 Great Names for Masturbation. Why YOLO when you can JOPO?

Names for masturbation

★ JOPO (Jack Off Pass Out)

★ Spreading jelly

★ Jackin’ the beanstalk

★ Beef stroganoff

★ Procrasturbation

★ Applying the hand brake

★ Badgering the witness

★ Cleaning your rifle

★ Fly fishing

★ Making tummy pancakes

★ Painting the ceiling

★ Playing the skin flute

★ Choking the cyclops

Creamy names for masturbation

★ Making chowder

★ Milking the lizard

★ Stirring the batter

★ Dishonourable discharge

★ Disseminating

★ Churning butter

★ Chucking custard

More names for masturbation

★ Pumping the stump

★ Rubbing one out

★ Making jam

★ Galloping the maggot

★ Unleashing the Kraken

★ Croaking the frog

★ Dancing around the maypole

★ Firing the flesh musket

★ Killing the kids

★ Pulling a Benoit

★ Turning Japanese

★ Tossing the salad

★ Jacking it in San Diego

★ Having a dirty handshake

Religious names for masturbation

★ Shaking hands with the devil

★ Reaming the demon

★ Warming the altar-boy’s dinner

★ Gurning at God

★ Seeing Allah

Are you sitting comfortably, ladies? Then unclasp your ham wallet and let’s begin. It’s time to butter the whisker biscuit. – 50 Great Names for Female Masturbation

Meaty names for masturbation

★ Basting the ham



★ Having a ham shank

★ Taking the sausage hostage

Ed Uncovered’s freshly whipped names for masturbation

★ Defragging

★ Making may-may

★ Private browsing

★ Removing kebab

★ Furthering the patriarchy

★ Killing swimmers

★ Installing linux

★ Skipping foreplay

★ Grabbing Nando’s

★ Having a rage quit

★ Emptying the cache

Got a better name for fiddling the ferret? Stick it in the comms below. Ladies: you’ve not been forgotten. In Ed Uncovered’s next fiddy, we’ll be finding Nemo and diddling the Skittle in 50 Great Names for Female Masturbation. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise: this is what the internet was invented for. Now stop reading and go fap. You’ve earned it.