Wow, you're a pretty good writer. This story is adorable! But, to be honest, I think it would have been better if it weren't a sequel to my comic. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE it when people are inspired by my work, but Celestia's threat felt inconsistent with the light-hearted tone you created. I just think that the story would have been stronger if you left Celestia out of it. Instead, you could have just had Twilight being so scared of hurting Luna's feelings that she goes to these ridiculous lengths to spare them. By just changing this one detail, the story would have been more absurd (though consistent with Twilight's personality, as we've seen in "Lesson Zero") and, consequently, more funny. I'm glad that you were inspired by my comic, but I think that your determination to make your story a sequel to this comic may have held you back (in fact, I wonder if this restriction you imposed on yourself contributed to your writer's block).



Sorry for being so critical. I really DID like the story. I only criticize because I think you have talent. If I didn't, I would bother.