"As it's April Fools' Day on Friday, can you remember any of the 'best' japes in football history?" asks Eric Benson.

Football-related April fools gags? Seeing it would be too cheap to point out that David N'Gog was born on 1 April 1989, and mean to boot, here's a random selection of All Fools Quips Modest (you'll understand later) gleaned from the pages of this very august journal.

We begin with a couple of classics from 1991. When Notts County visited Bristol City, the Magpies manager Neil Warnock handed the referee a teamsheet containing the England line-up from the previous week's international against the Republic of Ireland. That County line-up in full (including two Nottingham Forest players): Seaman, Dixon, Adams, Pearce, Walker, Wright, Robson, Platt, Beardsley, Lineker, Barnes.

Meanwhile the Sheffield United midfielder John Gannon took a phone call from the club office. "Could you get to the ground by 9am on Monday morning in your matchday suit for a new team photo?" asked a voice down the line. Gannon duly arrived, tarted up to the nines. Bramall Lane was, needless to say, deserted.

In 1985, Michel Platini, Werder Bremen and a West German television station ganged together in order to mock up a story of the Juventus midfielder's transfer to the German club. It would be the lead item on the news. "I have achieved all that is possible with Juventus," said Platini, who was preparing at the time for a European Cup semi-final against Bordeaux. "The time has come for a fresh challenge." Werder's players were shown toasting the transfer with champagne. "The news was received with astonishment, doubly so when it spread to Italy," reported Patrick Barclay in the Guardian soccer diary. "But then even April Fools' Day is conducted with Teutonic efficiency in the land of the Bundesjoke."

In 1996, Tomas Brolin was forced to apologise to his manager at Leeds, Howard Wilkinson – "as well as the chairman and managing director in person," added Sgt Wilko – after telling Swedish television that he was to leave Elland Road for a loan deal with Norrköping. It was supposed to be a gag, and one causing an outbreak of high amusement no doubt, but news agencies picked up the story and wired it around the world, much to Brolin's chagrin.

Life has since imitated art, but in 1997 an announcement was made in the Sun newspaper that Gary Lineker was ready to purchase Leicester City, with the intention of turning the stadium into a crisps museum and renaming the club Lineker Crisps FC. "Stunned Gary tried to deny the takeover when the Sun confronted him," reported the paper, "but he finally admitted: 'It's in the bag'."

In 1988, the Russian newspaper Isvestia reported that Diego Maradona was going to sign for Spartak Moscow. It turned out to be their April fool joke. A made-up transfer! Tee hee, Isvestia! And to think newspapers in England were publishing this sort of nonsense for real on the other 364 days of the year.

Ten years later, millions of Portugal fans were tricked into thinking their team had been granted a reprieve in the World Cup, having failed to qualify for France 98. A Lisbon broadcaster announced that Iran had decided not to bother taking up their place "for security reasons", and that Fifa had chosen Portugal as their replacement. The station even went to the lengths of recording spoof quotes in English from "Fifa officials" confirming the story. The spoilt British, meantime, thought they had it bad with Alan Green.

Just before a match at Goodison Park in 2000, Watford police informed their Merseyside counterparts that Elton John was planning on landing his helicopter on the pitch. He wasn't, though. Not exactly sure what the police were trying to gain by doing this.

And to conclude in slightly unhinged fashion, here's some vaguely football-related April fools tomfoolery from the first world war. It's from the 17 April 1915 edition of this paper, written in the free jazz style, and headlined "The Quip Modest":

"There are some jests that have more wisdom in them than much solemnity can boast, and that which 'Eye-witness' describes in his latest dispatch was one of them. On 1 April a British airman dropped upon the quarters of some German troops in Lille what appeared to be a large bomb, and stayed long enough above the scene of his exploit to make sure that the startled enemy, when they were sufficiently reassured to approach what was, as a matter of fact, merely a football, had read and appreciated the message attached to the bomb – 'April fool! Gott strafe England!' The German temper being what they are only too ready to prove it, this must have been a very subtle and successful form of attack; for having made a national duty of a hatred as heavy as the potato bread which feeds it, it is highly annoying to be laughed at for your pains and to see what should have been the blood-curdling slogan of that hatred tossed back to you as an All Fools' Day greeting. The wisdom of the jest lies in the fact that it embodies what is so very much the best way of acknowledging this gloomy, elaborately drilled Teutonic fury, if it has to be acknowledged at all. This Quip Modest is vastly more effective than any retorts in kind, if only because the Germans have so abundantly proved themselves incapable of it. Whereas the Germans, if they hold any communication at all with us, can only give us the Lie Direct and invent fresh and fearful stages of dispute we, in the intervals of carrying on the war very vigorously, can yet get back now and then to Quips Modest or even Retorts Courteous. This, apparently, the Germans cannot do, and the failure is not a symptom of strength."

So now you know. Any more for any more? Send them to the usual address.

TEAMS GO DOWN, GATES GO UP

"The English record attendance for a third-tier match was the 'Boxing Day massacre' between Sheffield United and Wednesday on 26 December 1979," wrote Alex Hannick last week. "But is this the largest attendance for a third-tier derby/game that has taken place globally?"

"The 49,309 people that watched the 'Boxing Day massacre' by no means constitutes the all-time attendance record for a third-tier game," notes Tim Dockery. "Fortuna Düsseldorf have a somewhat storied past after winning two German Cups, losing the 1979 European Cup Winners' Cup final to Barcelona in extra-time and spending over 20 years in the Bundesliga. Having been relegated in 1997, they have bounced around the lower leagues, going as low as the fourth division from 2002 to 2004.

"During the 2008-09 season, Fortuna competed in the 3rd Liga where they set their own average attendance record at over 28,000 per game. That season ended with them securing promotion into the 2 Bundesliga with a win over Werder Bremen II in front of 50,095 people. However that's still not the record.

"Having won Serie A twice with Diego Maradona, Napoli went into slow decline and were declared bankrupt and forced to fold in 2004. To ensure that Napoli would still have a team, the film producer Aurelio De Laurentiis founded Napoli Soccer, who were immediately placed in Serie C. On 7 February 2005 their game against Reggiana was played in front of 62,058 spectators. Not only was this an all-time attendance record for Serie C, it was higher than the record attendance that season of all but 10 clubs in Europe."

But wait. Liam Corte has more. "One instance that came to mind was a recent, rather tragic occasion. In Serie C in Brazil in 2007, over 60,000 turned up to see Bahia win promotion against Vila Nova. Part of the stadium collapsed, causing the deaths of several fans."

BORDER CONFLICT (2)

Last week we went over international teams playing each other in stadiums located close to the two nations' border. There are more leads, though ...

"I'd like to point out a few potential candidates," writes Jostein Nygard. "San Marino's Stadio Olimpico di Serravalle is by my reckoning about 800m from Italy, the aptly named Stade de la Frontièr in Luxembourg's Esch-sur-Alzette is about 400m from France, while Liechtenstein's current international stadium, the Rheinpark Stadion in Vaduz, is less than 100m from the border of Switzerland. But so far, none of these footballing giants have played their neighbours at these stadiums. In Liechtenstein's second match in an official tournament, a Euro 96 qualifier on 7 September 1994, they played Austria at the Sportpark Eschen-Mauren, their first international venue, which is about 2.2km from Austria, so that's a no-go as well. Also back in 1935, Poland travelled to Breslau to play a friendly against Germany. These days Breslau is best known as Wroclaw, and is now a part of Poland.

"Looking at Africa, it's worth pointing out Lesotho's national stadium in Maseru, the venue of a 2002 World Cup qualifier against South Africa. By my reckoning, it's roughly 1,650m to the South African border. Finding accurate information of international matches in Africa isn't easy. So far my best bet for a winner would be China, who played away at Macau in a World Cup qualifier on 20 February 1984. The current national stadium, Estádio Campo Desportivo, is perhaps 700m from the middle of the river that separates the former colony from China. The stadium wasn't finished before 1995 though, so I don't know exactly where the match took place."

KNOWLEDGE ARCHIVE

"Can you help settle what is fast becoming an argument full of bickering and insults between me and my mate?" asked Dave Edes in 2003. "Did journeyman striker Paul Rideout ever turn out for a Hong Kong Select XI when they played England a few years back?"

No, afraid not Dave. As the England online website noted, only Mike Duxbury and David Watson turned out when England beat a Hong Kong Golden Select XI 1-0 on 26 May 1996. "Although Duxbury was 36 and Watson 34, they effectively stifled England's attack, plunging the England team's prospects into doubt as they flew home for the start of the European Championship tournament," it sagely wrote. Meanwhile Steve Cliff, who was at the match, said: "The game was rubbish, my ticket cost the equivalent of £50 and the outstanding moment was Steve McManaman being shrieked at like a Beatle when taking a corner – by male Cantonese teenagers."

For thousands more questions and answers, take a trip through the Knowledge archive.

CAN YOU HELP?

"My team, Charlton Athletic, are currently on a run of 73 games without a goalless draw," writes Jon Laysell. "Is this a record?"

"Last week, the prime minister of Russia, Vladimir Putin, visited Belgrade," begins Vedrana Nikolic. "After meetings with our officials he showed up at a football game between two youth teams: Belgrade's Red Star and St Petersburg's Zenit. Many of my colleagues claimed it was the first time in history that one foreign high official visited any football game which wasn't the finale of some big competition. I am pretty sure they are wrong, but I hope that you could help me prove it to them."

"I remember when I was a young boy, 1 April fell on a Saturday, so the Football League decided to create a 'hilarious' jape by sending referees and linesmen with thematically linked names to the same game," recalls Robin Tucker. "All I can remember is that one match had Mr Bishop and Mr Church (and presumably Mitre as the ball sponsor) while another had three officials all called Smith. Judging by the date it would have to be 1989. I can't find any record of it."

Send your questions and answers to knowledge@theguardian.com.