August 21st, 2012 – Day Three

The band was eating a meal one day when Jemaine asked me if I had a home to go to. I told him that I did, and that most nights I leave their home and return again the next morning. Jemaine said that it seemed like I was always here when he was awake, and that he woke up two hours ago. I reminded him that it was 3pm. He then asked if I had enough material to finish my book yet. I reminded him that we met three days ago, and that it might take some more time before I can accumulate enough material for a novel.

I still sensed some friction between us, and so I decided to take things slow and interview each member of the band separately, as well as various members of interest in the band’s life. What follows is my initial interview with Bret, which took place on their living room couch.

Alex: So, Bret – Bret: Present. Alex: No. You don’t have to do that. Bret: It’s ok, I’m used to it now. Alex: Alright. First question, the band name. Where did the name Flight of the Conchords come form? Bret: Um, pretty sure Jemaine came up with it, and I really liked it. So we kept it. Alex: That’s pretty cool, does it mean anything in particular? Bret: I’m not sure. Alex: Ok. So as I understand it, from what Mr. Hewitt’s told me, is that the three of you lived and worked in New York for some time recently? Bret: Yeah. Well Murray worked. Alex: And I take it you and Jemaine created and performed songs? Bret: When we had gigs, yeah we did. Alex: How often would you say the gigs were? Bret: We had one about… Yeah, about one. One gig. Alex: And how was that? Bret: Yeah good, Murray said it was really good. And that if there were any other people there, they definitely would have liked it. So I felt good about that one. Alex: Right. Last question before you get up for the day. Bret: Oh that’s alright, I won’t be getting up anytime soon. I’m going for the big one. Alex: The big one? Bret points to a board across the room that’s pinned to the wall. Bret: That’s our records board. Jemaine holds the current record for sitting on the couch for the longest. I’m going to beat it today. Alex: Is that what you have planned for the day? Bret: Yeah. Alex: Thanks for the chat, Bret. I’ll go and interview Jemaine now. Bret: Ok. But he won’t be out of the shower for a while, he keeps trying to break my shower record, but he never will. He hates his fingers getting pruny.

While waiting for Jemaine to finish showering, I took a picture of some of the records on the records board (Which was really just a piece of paper tacked onto the wall), and have placed it here in the book. I then sat back on the couch with Bret until Jemaine finished up, over an hour later. Below is my first interview with Jemaine, which we conducted in the bands bedroom, and away from the living room because Bret was still sitting on the couch.

Alex: Jemaine – Jemaine: Wait hang on, Bret! Bret! Bret: (From the sitting room) What? Jemaine: How long was I in the shower for? Bret: About an hour and twenty minutes. Jemaine: Damn it. Ok let’s do this. Alex: Right. Jemaine. Jemaine: I’m not saying present. Alex: And you don’t have to. It’s interesting to note that Bret did. Jemaine: Did he? Alex: Yeah. Jemaine: Well, present then. Alex: You didn’t have to – Jemaine: No, if Bret did it. Alex: Ok. Thanks for sitting with me. I’ve just prepared a few questions. Firstly, the name of the band. How did Flight of the Conchords become the band name? Jemaine: I think Bret came up with it, and it sort of stuck. Alex: And does the name hold any meaning at all? Jemaine: I think we’re the Conchords, and the flight part is meant to symbolise our meteoric rise. Alex: Right. Bret and I talked a little bit about New York, what was that like for you? Jemaine: Pretty soul crushing. Alex: I get that, I went away to Europe to try and jumpstart my writing career, but it never really worked out. It seems that no matter how hard you work, it always comes down to who you know rather than what you know. At least you had Mr. Hewitt, I never even got an agent. Jemaine: Mm. There is a silence that permeates the air. Alex: What do you think about Mr. Hewitt? When I first met him it was in a bar, and he told me that he once ate bar nuts for a long time. Jemaine: He told us he met you at a book signing, for one of your best-selling books. Alex: No, gosh. I’ve never really written anything official like this before. This is all new to me. Jemaine stares at me for some time. Jemaine: I wasn’t sure about this book. I’m quite a private person. For example, I don’t like peeing in public. I thought you were a big shot writer who just wanted to tell everyone everything we do. Alex: Well, I won’t sugarcoat anyth – Jemaine: But this was a good chat. Alex: Yeah, it was. Thanks Jemaine. I’ll try my best. I’m off to go see Mr. Hewitt now, what have you got planned for the day? Jemaine: Might have another shower.

I left the band to their own devices, and travelled to Murray Hewitt’s home, where he lived alone. When I arrived for our scheduled appointment, I knocked to receive no answer. Noticing that his door was unlocked, I entered the house. It was sparsely decorated, although the amount of stationery stood out to me. I heard the washing machine down in his basement/office (Also where he held the bands meetings).

I walked down the stairs, shouting for Mr. Hewitt. I heard movement below, and continued down. When I arrived at the bottom of the stairs, Mr. Hewitt was sitting at the desk where he and the band conducted their meetings. He was also missing a shirt. It was warm in the basement, and a single bead of sweat ran down the middle of his chest to finally settle inside of his belly button.

Mr. Hewitt: Alex. Hello. How are you. You’ve caught me in unexpected timing I’m afraid. Alex: I’m well, thank you. Did you forget about our appointment? Mr. Hewitt: No, I didn’t forget. I just temporarily didn’t remember it either. Before we get started, I just wanted to say thank you for sticking with the whole Mr. Hewitt thing. I know it seems like a little thing, but it means a lot to me. To be honest, I don’t remember the last time I’ve read past the first chapter in a book, so when yours comes out I’ll just check the beginning to make sure all of our proper titles are in order. Alex for you, Jemaine and Bret for Jemaine and Bret, and Mr. Hewitt for me. Alex: Where’s your shirt? Murray: In the wash. Like I said, you caught me at an unexpected moment during our scheduled appointment. So, unexpected, expected band meeting. Alex? Alex: Present. Murray: Jemaine? (Silence) I can’t help but notice that Jemaine isn’t here, nor Bret. Is the meeting band related? Alex: No, not really. I just wanted to ask you a few questions for the book, I’ve done this with Bret and Jemaine, and I also wanted to do it with the other people important in their lives. Murray: And you came to me first? So I’m the most important member of the band’s lives. Alex: I tried Skyping Dave in New York, but he didn’t answer. Murray: Oh. And I suppose you want Mel’s number as well? To talk to her. Alex: That would be great, yeah. I drop my pen onto the floor. I go to reach for it. Murray: Don’t! I’ll get it. In fact, here. Use this pen for now. I don’t want you looking under the desk at the moment. Alex: Are you wearing any pants? Murray: Like I said, you caught me at an unexpected moment. I barely had time to sit down before you came barging in. I notice that the single bead of sweat is now joined by others. Alex: I suppose I just wanted to talk a little bit today about living in New York, and how that experience was for you as manager of the band. Murray: Well I was already working at the New Zealand embassy when the boys walked in, and they had what I like to call the A-factor. It’s when you see someone, and you go ayy?! I laughed. Murray looked at me. Murray: Why are you laughing? I stopped laughing. Alex: Sorry, I thought that was a joke. Murray: No, they had a really interesting look to them. Almost as if they were lost, homeless, and without green cards. They were also carrying their guitars. A real underground band feel. Alex: Well, what did you say to them? Murray: I went up to them and said, I like your guitars. Alex: And how did they respond to that? Murray: They said they were lost, homeless, and without green cards. They had just entered the country, and really needed my help. I asked them if they were a band, and they said that they were really hungry. I offered them a sandwich, but only if I could manage them. They said yes. And that’s the story of how I became the manager of Flight of the Conchords. Feel free to make that sound better in the book, add in some rock and roll. Alex: So after they each had a sandwich – Murray: Not each. I only had one sandwich, so they had to share it. And I’d already eaten most of it. Alex: It’s very warm in here. Murray: Yeah, those were the glory days let me tell you. Gigs, parties, woman. Alex: Were you with someone in New York? Murray: I had a partner yes, but she left me. Alex: When you were deported? Murray: Yes. And also quite some time before that as well. The beads of sweat gliding down Murray’s body are joined by a single tear. Murray: She never believed in the band, thought the boys were idiots. Thought I was an idiot. What are Jemaine and Bret up to today? Alex: Jemaine is showering for as long as he can and Bret is trying to sit on the couch for more than thirteen hours. Murray: Those boys. Always working. There’s method in their madness, you’ll come to see that. Thank you for visiting Alex. I’ll see you out. Murray stands up. Murray: I seem to have forgotten that I had no clothes on, I’d like to apologise for that.

I left Murray’s house, and went home. I attempted to contact Mel through Skype, but she wasn’t there.

Playing back the initial interviews, I realised that I hadn’t been as inquisitive as I wanted to be. So often, an answer given to me by a band member or its manager would leave me feeling blind-sided, and so I’d react naturally by trying to change the subject. I was equally unsure what to make of everyone’s schedules. Murray had said that there was a method to the madness. But was he just telling himself this? Did Jemaine and Bret really get their creative juices flowing by trying to one up each other on lengths of showering and couch-sitting? Or was this merely the result of two middle-aged men trying to pass the time by competing with one another to avoid the feeling of impending loneliness.

I wasn’t sure. My laptop began to buzz. Mel was calling me back. She was extremely wary of who I was at first, threatening to track me down and perform some pretty horrific acts if I ever called her again. After a few minutes of this, I managed to tell her about my project, and my novel about the band. I had never experienced someone switch from angry to ecstatic so quickly in my life.

Mel: You’re writing a book about Jemaine and Bret? Wow. I could tell you some very raunchy stories. There was one time where I was sitting in between Bret and Jemaine in the back seat of a car. And another time when the boys stayed over at my house for days on end. Alex: What were they doing over at your house? Mel: I’m afraid that’s private information. Alex: Who’s the man sitting on the couch behind you? Mel: That’s just my husband, Doug. He plays the harp. Sometimes its sexy. So what’s this book going to be about? Am I going to be in it? Alex: You are now, that’s what this chat is about. I’ve been talking to everyone close to the band, just to get a feel of what they’re life has been like recently with their trip to New York. Mel: Oh it was incredible. They are absolute rockstars. I came to each gig, and each one went off. It was unbelievable how much, sexual energy two men could exude. Alex: Ok. Mel: Am I the first person you’ve contacted in relation to the band? Alex: Well, I’ve spoken to Murray already, that’s where I got your number. And I’ve tried calling their friend Dave, but he didn’t answer. Mel: So it wasn’t like, in order of importance. That’s ok. Did Murray tell you about the fan site I run? Alex: He did not, what does that involve? Mel: Mostly just telling people that I run a fan site, then when people say what for, I can tell them all about the band! Alex: So, there’s no actual website? Mel: No. Alex: Right. When I asked Jemaine and Bret about you, they said you guys ran into each other a lot, but that it was mostly you running into them. Mel: I don’t know if you’ve ever been to New York, Alex, but it’s actually a really small place. Everyone runs into everybody else all of the time there. It’s really common. So how long are you going to be with the band for? Alex: Murray wants me to stay with them for a year. I’ve only been with them three days so far. I’ll be transcribing my interviews with them and writing down my thoughts, so I should have enough material eventually. Mel: I mean, I should visit, right? It would be good for the book, no? A foreign visitor that’s still very much a large part of Jemaine and Bret’s life to add material. Doug, pack our things. Alex: I didn’t mean that you had to – Mel: I know what you meant. See you in a week, bye!

She hung up. After my chat with Mel, I tried calling Dave again as I saw that he was recently online. Once again, he didn’t answer.

I knew I would have to tell the band about Mel’s visit, but I wasn’t sure how to approach telling them.