Nikc Cafardo





Everyone (except Mongster Mash) has probably experienced high school yearbooks. Some of them have those weird award things like "Most Likely to Succeed" and "Best Dressed", at least in the movies. But why aren't there superlatives for fakebaseball? There are actually plenty of reasons why not, but I ignored them I decided it was time.





Most Likely to be Commissioner: Kyle Corbett

If anybody is willing to do all the ultimately meaningless work that the commissioner does just to fill up time, it's Corbett. We've already seen him rise up the ranks from a player to an ump to a GM. Eventually, I think this will happen, whether he likes it or not.



Wholesomest: Quint Kimbrel

My day always gets better when I receive a greeting from a stranger, and it's no different with Kimbrel. Q often says "hi" to everyone he sees, and is a regular over in the wholesome channel. It was really an easy choice for the award, even if he nominated himself.





Most Promising Who Has Yet to Have an At-Bat: Jeffrey Nolan

A lot of people are raving about the brand new Mariners signing, and for good reason. He is showing to be super active already, and although I have no reason to assume anybody will be a good hitter, I will in this case.





Cutest Couple: Kevin Arianna and J.A. Bird

It can't be to anyone's surprise that these 2 are the winners. It is commonly known that they have a secret relationship in private chats, and sometimes it leaks out. They have done podcasts together and always touch each others thighs, even around others. Sometimes it may get a little...overdone, but ultimately I do not think people are complaining.





Best Reddit-Only: Otis Nixon Sr.

He is a dad now, and he is the one super active redditor that for some reason continues to refuse to move to the league discord. His stats are actually pretty mediocre, but he's certainly the best at being reddit-only.



Most Likely to Start a Fire: AJ Preller

I have been over to Preller's house 7 times (don't ask why) and we ended up evacuating due to a fire 3 of those occasions. Even though the result never ends well when Preller plays with matches, he has yet to make that connection. And if he ever does, he is sure to burn down the house of anybody who doesn't think the Padres are winning the Paper Cup.





Least Popular Grams Brother: Mylo Grams

I won't disclose whether or not this is a shot at Mylo, or if it is a compliment to Graham Grams. But 1 of them is better, and more popular.



Most Likely to say "Thanks" After Sex: Barney Summers

What a legend. Summers is both an MVP candidate and the most humble of them all. He thanks umps for write-ups, which makes the obvious connection to thanking girls (maybe guys too I don't judge) for fooling around a bit. I would say thank you back.





Most Likely to Auto-K While Reading a Romance Novel: Max Wasson

I didn't bother to check whether or not this has actually happened, but I will just assume it has. Wasson really seems like the type of guy to get caught up in "Pride and Prejudice" for 12 hours to the point where he completely misses all notifications.



Most Likely to Murder Somebody at a Meetup: Steel Pipe Simpson

Steel Pipe really creeps me out. I'm pretty sure he is already lying about how old he is, and I have no idea what he is referring to when he calls himself "Steel Pipe". I don't know if he's attending any meetups, but I would bring protection if I were you.

