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Today on Glenn Beck’s radio show he and his friends were discussing the Assange situation with all of the seriousness we have come to expect from them. Cue the frat boy Sex by Surprise! chortling amongst other profound analysis. It turns out that Sex by Surprise is a GOOD thing! Sure, it may or may not involve continuing sex after a condom breaks even as the woman asks you to stop, but we can’t let the Nanny state tell us what to do! Turns out, nothing says pro-family like a little Sex by Surprise!

Courtesy of Media Matters:

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Beck opened his show today by talking about Julian Assange being arrested on a charge of sex by surprise. Beck said, “I was gonna say that sounds kinda good to me. Sex by surprise- why is that illegal? Surprise! We’re having sex!”

Pat Gray: “Oh, that’s always a surprise”.

Beck:“How true it is…So sex by surprise apparently what this means if this isn’t the ultimate nanny state- if you aren’t prepared, you don’t have a condom with you, I guess you can claim sex by surprise and you really wanted to have sex with a condom. It’s very unclear at the moment. It sounds a little shady especially when you see the woman involved, and we’ll get into that because we’re still verifying a couple things that I just don’t want to go to the air with until we have a little bit more to back this up.”

Beck’s co-host pointed out that Assange and the woman had sex before.

Stu and Pat: “Sex by surprise rape or whatever I guess…It’s just so comical- it’s like tax evasion of every one of these guys. It always comes down to something like this. It’s these guys taking down world governments and huge empires and yet they’re always taken down by the fact that they wanted to hook up with two chicks on two different nights. That’s what it always comes down to doesn’t it?

Beck then added the conspiracy element insinuating that Assange was set up by the CIA, “The CIA, in one of their most famous cases of what’s called HoneyPot, which is, which is this. The Chinese are big in Honey Pot, which is you get somebody hot, and go up against a guy, and they will give you anything, then you have blackmail.” Beck and crew claimed that Assange was set up because the woman involved was too attractive for him. They asked, “What are the odds that was set up in some way?”

What are the odds that there are many women who would not like Sex by Surprise? Oh, I kid. Certainly we womens are happy to give up our freedoms if it pleases Mr Liberty Tears.

Aside from gathering a wee bit too much info on Beck et al’s non-existent sex lives, we learn that sex by surprise is not only not a bad thing, but it’s desired. This is a bit more information about the “Year of the Conservative Women” we were promised by the Right. So far, I’m super impressed.

AOL reported:

“True, one of Assange’s accusers sounds tailor-made for those who think Assange is being set up in Sweden by dark CIA-backed operatives who want him smeared or silenced for his document dumping with WikiLeaks. She’s a 31-year-old blond academic and member of the Social Democratic Party who’s known for her radical feminist views, once wrote a treatise on how to take revenge against men and was once thrown out of Cuba for subversive activities.

But others say Assange, who denies any wrongdoing and says the sex was consensual, may have just run afoul of Sweden’s unusual rape laws, which are considered pro-feminist because of the consideration given issues of consent when it comes to sexual activity — including even the issue of whether a condom was used.

In fact, the current prosecutor, Marianne Ny, who re-opened the case against Assange, has been active in the proposed reforms of Swedish rape laws that would, if passed, involve an investigation of whether an imbalance in power between two people could void one person’s insistence that the sex was consensual….

‘The New York Times today quoted accounts given by the women to police and friends as saying Assange “did not comply with her appeals to stop when (the condom) was no longer in use.”‘

Much as I hate to interfere in the frat boy fun, here’s the legal argument: Consensual sex that started out with a condom ended up without one, ergo, the sex was not consensual. Perhaps the women wanted to protect themselves from a sexual disease or unwanted pregnancy since the baby daddy so clearly might not be around.

Beck and his buddies are anti-choicers and yet they are all for a man not using a condom and having sex with a woman he’s not married to, but they are against unwed mothers and abortion and divorce. Got it.

If indeed these women did ask Assange to stop after the condom broke and he didn’t (we don’t know the truth yet, it’s true this could all be a set up, but that’s no reason to defend Sex by Surprise), I don’t care if he’s your Sacred Hero, that’s rape. A cute funny phrase doesn’t make sexual assault OK. Or are Beck and his buddies suggesting that if a man yells “Sex by Surprise!” as he penetrates without a condom against a woman’s will it’s all fun and games?

As much as Beck and the Right despise Julian Assange and think he needs to be executed, it seems that when they’re forced to pick between defending the patriarchy and attacking Assange, they’re more concerned about bashing any notion of women’s equality and rights, because notice that there was no qualifier as they chuckled about how great Sex by Surprise is and this argument wasn’t predicated upon the notion that Assange was set up. Days ago the Right was calling Assange a horrid rapist, but now they’ve determined that if he just had sex with a woman after a condom broke and she said no, well, that’s the Nanny state telling men what they can and can not do. So when the right screams about liberty and freedom, we must remember that they mean for the white man, not for women or any other annoying radical group who also wants freedom.