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Flopping on the big stage as usual, Boris Johnson’s drivel was the half-arsed babble of a self-entitled fraud who’d be out of his depth in a puddle.

Far from setting the country on fire, the Tory egomaniac imposed as Prime Minister on the UK by fewer people than live in Wigan or Doncaster or Basildon was a wet blanket - ending his rambling address with a Dude joke so flat the gag was on its face before the words left his lying lips.

Expectations and morale rise higher at a provincial building society managers’ conference when the chief accountant’s explaining western hemisphere compound interest rate trends over the past four decades.

Johnson’s absence of fizz, urgency, intellectualism and preparation is the shallowness of a posh clown with no viable plan beyond moving into No 10.

Busking his way through life, Downing Street’s where we discover an idle posh oaf who regrettably in past times fooled nearly all the people some of the time and some of the people nearly all the time won't fool any people any time.

(Image: Philip Coburn)

Ministerial resignations, horrified MPs, defection threats and near certain defeat in next week’s Brecon and Radnorshire byelection are grim reality confronting false optimism.

The rest of Europe’s laughing at not with the halfwit who recklessly pretends baseless assertions are hard facts.

Soon even a fair chunk of a Tory Party desperately gambling on the Old Etonian dunce to vanquish Right-wing rival Nigel Farage and the Brexit Party will be wishing they’d picked loser Jeremy Hunt or stuck with Theresa May. Yes, it'll be that bad.

Brexit is either her tweaked deal with grinning chancer Johnson's face on the front or we stay in Euorpe.

(Image: PA)

I’ve a suspicion cynical Johnson privately recognises his wild Halloween no deal talk is for the criminally gullible or ideologically deranged.

Two-faced and gutless, Johnson’s done the Tories up like a kipper.

Ministers and MPswho I know hold him in utter contempt (because they’ve told me) were happy to be seen applauding in public when clapping with a fixed smile is a job application.

The idle incompetent who is as much a stranger to loyalty as he is to the truth will receive no loyalty when push comes to shove.

The US is lumbered with Donald Trump and the Tories have landed Britain with his mini-me.

Buckle up. It’s going to be a bumpy ride though it may not last long with a General Election our ticket out of this nightmare.