Washington D.C.—

In a preliminary scientific study that suggests correlation, though not yet causation, it appears that an alarming rate of decay in the ozone layer has taken place above Washington D.C. during the last year, a time period that coincides with President Donald Trump’s residency in the White House.

Donald Trump is of course an aficionado of hair spray, and conspicuously uses a lot of hair spray each morning to mold his obviously fake hair piece into a somewhat real-looking mop of long, thin, wispy hair that appears to sit on top of his head rather than grow from his scalp.

President Donald Trump took to Twitter this afternoon to assert that he does not use any hair spray at all, and that anyone doubting the authenticity of his hairline is an agent of a fake news source.

This story is developing.

(Picture courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)

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