How To Cook Potkes: Hanukkah’s Must-Munch Stoner Snack

[Editors Note: Grass is still illegal in most places around the country (how’s it goin’ Washington and Colorado?). As such, we encourage you to remember that this recipe is delicious without adding any illicit substances. Whatever else you wanna do, that’s on you]

Latkes are possibly the best thing about Hanukkah. Sure, presents are nice, but unless they’re really good, like a human heart in a jar or tickets to the Qudditch World Cup, you forget about them pretty quickly. Latkes however…mmmm. As soon as Halloween is over you start fantasizing about them. They’re fried and crispy and oily and unhealthy. Plus, you can eat them with either salty or sweet condiments, which makes them the perfect stoner treat.

In celebration of Chronicah (it’s totally a thing), here is a recipe that most certainly won’t be found in your bubbie’s cookbook (unless she’s FUCKING AWESOME). Presenting…potkes. Yep, they’re exactly what they sound like. You’re welcome.

As with Hanukkah itself, the most important part of this recipe is the oil. It won’t burn for eight days and eight nights, but it will make you feel like your whole body is a beanbag chair. Here’s what you’ll need:

48 oz of Canola cooking oil (if you prefer vegetable or corn oil those will work as well, but Canola is the best)

1 oz of danky dank nugs. Grind that shit up.

A pot or large saucepan.

A stell or metal strainer.

Be warned: this will get smelly. If you have sensitive neighbors or still live with your parents, cause some kind of distraction, like setting a neighboring building on fire. [Editors note: Don’t set neighboring buildings on fire]

To make the oil:

Pour the entire bottle of canola oil into a large pot, big enough to hold all of your dreams. Heat on medium until it warms up but DO NOT let it boil.

Add the ground herb to the oil, which you should keep just shy of simmering.

Simmer for the next two hours, stirring about every ten minutes. Again, DO NOT let the oil boil. If it starts to bubble just lift the pot off the flame for a minute until it cools back down. The oil will turn a bit green/brownish, this is normal.

Take as many Instagram shots as you want. If it’s not on the internet, how do we know we exist?

Once the two hours are up, take the pot off the stove and let it cool for thirty minutes or so.

Pour the oil through the strainer a few times to make sure that all the bits and pieces are out. Toss what’s strained out, don’t be stupid and try to smoke it.

Yay. now you have yummy cannabis oil. It’s time to make your potkes! This recipe makes 4-6 servings, the perfect amount to get you and your friends stoned out of your gourds and save some oil for later. You’ll need:

6 potatoes, about 2 pounds

1 tbsp salt

2 tsp pepper

2 large eggs

2 tbsp flour

1/2 cup breadcrumbs (optional)

Now it’s frying time.

Wash, peel and grate the potatoes. Squeeze to drain the excess liquid.

Add eggs, flour, salt and pepper and mix it till your arm feels like you’ve been masturbating for a solid hour.

Form the mix into little patties, about three inches wide and ½ inch thick is a good rule.

Heat up your special oil in a large, deep pan. Put enough oil in there to completely cover the bottom and reach about halfway up the potkes.

Fry the potkes on both side until they are golden, or a little browner if you like them crispy.

Usually you’d let these cool on some paper towels to soak up the excess oil, but obviously you don’t want to waste this shit. Eat em soaked and greasy.

Lay back, put on Disraeli Gears and enjoy.

Happy Hanukkah, fellow wastoid Jews!