Bigfoot Hunter Found Dead in Woods

West Prairie, Ark–The Jest regrets to inform our readers that the body of Joe Keaton, Jr., the famous Arkansas woodsman who vowed to kill Bigfoot, has been found in the woods neighboring his hometown.

Keaton, a local folk hero, also known as the Trigger of the South, began his search in June after claiming a Sasquatch was responsible for several unexplained killings in his community.

He was never seen alive again.

Family and friends began to worry when weeks passed with no word from the legendary hunter. In July, a search party, lead by Keaton’s brother Darrell, attempted to track and assist him. Sources say they discovered the body three miles into the forest, near a small creek, and that the scene showed signs of a massive struggle.

“There were tree limbs broken all over,” said sheriff Robert Tanner, “and one of Joe’s guns was warped and bent.”

Keaton’s body displayed signs of severe trauma–including fractures to both legs, his right shoulder, and his right arm. But the sheriff said the fatal blow came from one of two areas.

“His neck was snapped, and his chest cavity was completely crushed. Whatever did this had the strength of ten men.”

But the group made an even more disturbing find. Buster Schmidt, a member of the search party, said the body show signs of desecration:

“His face was deformed. His body had been stripped of clothes and hung from a tree like some sort of animal.”

According to multiple witnesses, thick brown hair was found in each of Keaton’s still clinched fists.

Most of Keaton’s gear was missing, save the warped gun and a Ducks Unlimited jacket, which was found on the ground about thirty yards from the body, shredded and covered in blood.

“There was a fight there no doubt,” said Schmidt. “Darrell just broke down in tears when he seen it. He didn’t even have the strength to walk back.”

But authorities are reluctant to admit the existence of a creature still relegated to the pages of folklore.

“It could have been a bear,” said the sheriff, “but it also might not could of been. We’re looking into it.”

Locals, on the other hand, are quite certain Bigfoot was responsible. How else does one explain the body being hung upside down? Sheriff Tanner grew agitated when pressed on the issue:

“We don’t know this was Bigfoot. It could have been a bear or some other large animal. It could have been a lot of shit.”

Regardless, Schmidt said West Prairie will never be the same again. “We lost a hero. He was as much a part of this town as rice farming or the old water tower.”

Sources say Keaton’s family is devastated. His brother was too distraught to even give an interview, and no one has seen his wife or sons in nearly a week.

Keaton’s visitation will be held on Tuesday at the West Prairie funeral home from 6-8 pm.

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ORIGINAL STORY

Famed Woodsman to Hunt Bigfoot

JUNE 5, 2019

WEST PRAIRIE, Ark–Award winning hunter Joe Keaton, Jr. has vowed to kill the legendary creature known as Bigfoot after a string of maulings and break-ins, and one grainy photograph, has left a small town with more questions than answers.

The trouble began three years ago when 18-year-old Ricky Sawyer was found slain on the edge of the woods east of West Prairie, a sleepy town in northeastern Arkansas with a population of 876. Authorities were unable to identify the animal behind the attack, but locals had their suspicions.

Sawyer’s body was covered in unidentifiable claw marks, but local taxidermist James Tillman had seen them before. “I seen them, in ’86, by a man that was attacked by a Sasquatch. It left the exact same markings.”

Three weeks prior to the attack two young girls claimed they spotted a large, hairy beast roaming the edge of those same woods. The girls screamed and ran for help, but their parents were unable to find the creature they described.

But after Sawyer’s death a series of shop and home break-ins on the edge of town raised eyebrows.

“They broke in but didn’t take nothing, just some deer jerky out of the refrigerator,” said one local.

But the big break came a week later, when a shop security camera snapped a grainy photo of what appeared to be a large, ape-like creature.

“It’s hard to make out but it’s him,” said Gary Taylor, the shop’s owner. “And now we know what killed that boy.”

A Hero Rises

For one man, that photograph sparked a call to action.

Joe Keaton, Jr., known locally as the Trigger of the South, is something of a legend himself in rural Arkansas. He has won the Triple Trophy Award (for killing at least one deer each season using each of the three legal methods–modern firearms, muzzle loading rifle or pistol, and archery/crossbow tackle) every year since its inception and has broken multiple records for duck hunting and fishing.

He has won three duck call championships and holds the state deer hunting record for total rack score.

Joe’s brother, Darrell, described his reaction to the photograph. “That dead boy was weighing on him, and he’d suspected there was a Bigfoot in the area for some time. When he seen Gary’s picture it confirmed it, and he knew he was the only man that could kill it.”

A History of Sightings

Indeed, Bigfoot sightings go back decades in West Prairie. The first on record dates to 1912, when a timber cutter claimed he was attacked by the creature. The story wasn’t widely believed, but it did lay the groundwork for future events. Over the next thirty years locals would occasionally claim to spot the giant ape-like creature. Sometimes it would stare, almost curiously, from a distance, and sometimes it would attack.

In 1968 a farmer claimed he was attacked in the woods and barely escaped. The marks on his chest were examined but their origins were inconclusive. But the sightings continued, the most famous from two years ago, when a bus driver claimed he saw a large beast cross a gravel road late one night when he was driving the basketball team home from an away game.

Bigfoot refers to a creature many believe is a missing link between human and ape. The myth exists in cultures across the world, including the Yeti in Asia, Sasquatch, and the Fouke Monster in Arkansas.

A Town United

The Jest visited West Prairie earlier this week, and the townsfolk agreed that Keaton is the man for the job.

“He might talk big but he can back it up big too. If it moves, he can kill it.” Lester Jackson, Bait Shop Owner

“When my kids ask me what it means to be a man, I point to Joe Keaton. Barbara Manning, Substitute Teacher

“There’s regular men, and then there’s Joe Keaton, Jr.” Terry Williams, Truck Driver

Keaton himself granted us a short interview, where he said he feels duty-bound to protect his homeland. “It’s gonna have to get got before another of them kids ends up dead. I heard people say it’s just trying to survive, but that won’t be a problem when I get done with it.”

Keaton said he planned to enter the woods next week and would not return without Bigfoot’s body.

Some, however, do not support killing the beast. “I think it needs to be studied,” said one local. “There’s no telling what we can learn from it science-wise.”

But when asked what he planned to do if he found Bigfoot, Keaton did not mince words:

“I’m going to kill the son of a bitch.”

Keaton will enter the woods on Friday morning with his hunting gear and a body bag. Six local churches have agreed to conduct a group blessing on Sunday, and many have vowed to wait outside the woods, next to his F-150, until he returns.