Saddle Brook mourns 10th grade honor student who died by suicide

He was the "golden child," an athlete, the Saddle Brook High School honors student who seemed to be everybody's good friend.

But 15-year-old Andrew Gutierrez apparently wrestled with demons that nobody knew about.

On Friday, the 10th-grader opted to end his battle, leaving his heartbroken family and friends searching for answers.

Friends and family gathered Monday night at Veterans Field for an emotional vigil where they shared their grief and recalled memories of Andrew.

Close to 300 people dressed in red, his favorite color, stood shoulder to shoulder, holding bright red balloons in the field near his home where he played as a child. At the end of the ceremony, they released the balloons as a final prayer to Andrew.

They passed around a microphone and shared recollections of a kind soul who laughed at everyone's jokes, a bright student who never stopped asking questions, an athlete who competed on school teams. Friends recalled hours of playing video games, ski and camping trips, and sleepovers.

A high school sophomore named Greg, who described himself as Andrew's best friend, talked about their plan to rent an RV with two other friends and take a coast-to-coast road trip after graduation. "I can't believe it's not going to happen now," he said.

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Andrew's older sister, Jackie Gutierrez, 19, a sophomore at Ramapo College, added that she was proud of her brother's grades, and the fact that he taught himself to cook. Mostly, though, she was awed by his goodness.

"He was so kind. I never saw him yell at anyone."

But if there was an overarching theme that echoed in the dark night it was this: "If only I would have known ... If only I could have helped him."

Mayor Robert White, who helped organize the vigil with other town officials at Jackie's request, said it's important for the teens to know that "If you are feeling something, you need to talk about it," a message repeated by Police Chief Bob Kugler at the vigil.

"There were no telltale signs and no clues left behind," said White. "It's a mystery that I don't think we will ever understand."

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Frank Gutierrez, his father, called Andrew the "golden child" and told the crowd, "He was a perfect boy. We don't know what happened."

Amid his own grief, he urged the sobbing teens to be kind to one another and take care of each other.

"You are all special. You are all precious. Nothing is more precious than all of our collective children," he said.

Saddle Brook High School students are no strangers to grief. Brooke Costanzo. 16, was killed in December when her SUV veered off a curve in South Brunswick and hit a tree. A vigil was held for her as well.

In an interview with The Record on Tuesday morning, Frank Gutierrez said he had no idea that his son was in pain.

"We talked every day, I took him home from school and asked him about his day. We would laugh together. He looked fine. He seemed fine. This disease is something that is not as uncommon as people think it is."

By all accounts, Andrew was a busy and very successful teen. He was on the high school's cross-country and track teams. He recently went on a health kick and taught himself how to cook healthy dishes.

He also encouraged his friends to work out more and try out for the track team with him. Andrew had big plans for the future: He wanted to pursue a career in computer programming and talked of applying to Princeton or Stevens and did well on his PSATs — in the 99th percentile, said his father.

"You have to just keep talking to your kid and let the friends talk to each other," he said.

"I will spend the rest of my life trying to figure this out."

Email: yellin@northjersey.com