The Comedy Blog will bring you coverage of transfer deadline day with stories we confidently predict you won’t see anywhere else. Join us throughout the day as we break the big ones, and if you miss anything, you can check in with our colleagues at BBC Sport.

First up: Lionel Messi, Barcelona to Blackburn Rovers, £100 Million.

In a sensational, if slightly misleading, press statement, the new owners of Blackburn Rovers announce the £100 million capture of Argentine superstar Lionel Messi:

"This is the perfect signing for Blackburn Rovers in every single respect, apart from the fact that it's not actually happening. Obviously. But imagine if it were! How cool would that be? And the fact we're even fantasising about a transfer likes this shows our ambition for the club and proves we're more than just a couple of random chancers, looking for a way to squander our chicken millions."

Transfer Day Updates are written by Laurence Howarth