HARTFORD, CT—Silently berating himself for his carelessness and lack of forethought, local office worker Jason Lochrie, who arrived over an hour late to work Wednesday morning, reportedly had no choice but to use an excuse he had been hoping would allow him to leave early. “Damn it, I was all set to get out of here at 3:30 by telling everyone I had a dermatologist’s appointment, but when I showed up after the start of our 10 a.m. meeting, I was forced to use it right then and there,” said a visibly frustrated Lochrie, who admitted he briefly considered repurposing the same alibi several hours later before determining that there was no way he could convince his colleagues and supervisor that he had scheduled two different doctors’ visits on the same day. “If I had made it in just a half hour earlier, I probably could’ve slipped into the office and made a quick comment about the traffic and still had the afternoon appointment excuse ready to go—now that’s totally shot. Maybe I could say a family member’s in the hospital, but I feel like that might be pushing it.” At press time, Lochrie had reportedly walked straight out of the office without saying anything.

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