Being our semi-regular weekly survey of the state of Our National Dialogue which, as you know, is what Grand Funk Railroad would have come up with had they cut "We're An American Band-Saw."

Before moving on to our Palm Sunday Showz on the electric teevee machine, where we have a runaway winner for this week's House Cup, we should pause to note a curious piece in The Washington Post by Dana Milbank. One of Dana's pals just got a nice promotion within the administration, for which Dana fulsomely congratulates her, but then he goes on to draw some ill-supported historical conclusions about What It All Means.

So it was with delight that I learned while vacationing this week that Murray had been named to the very highest level of officialdom in the White House. President Obama appointed her senior adviser to the president, held over the past decade by Karl Rove, David Axelrod, David Plouffe and, most recently, Dan Pfeiffer. It's enjoyable to see a friend in such an exalted role, but Murray's appointment is more than that: It gives hope that Obama is finally trying to break out of the insufferable insularity that has choked progress in his White House -- and that he is at long last ready to reach out to Capitol Hill and to the media to make his case.

It would be easy to go off again about the endless whining from the Kool Kidz because the president won't give them a cookie from time to time. It also would be easy to note the irony of an appeal for mutual respect from the former national marketing director of Mad Bitch Beer. But, just for the sake of argument, let's treat Milbank's assertion as though it were a serious intellectual point.

I would like an offer of proof that the president's time in office would have been any easier had he kissed the asses of the Beltway press corps and/or offered an additional bushel of olive branches to the leadership of an opposition political party that had completely lost its mind. Would Republican obstructionism have been any less virulent, or Republican vandalism any less destructive? Would the Tea Party never have happened? Would Ted Cruz be a footnote in Texas politics? If the president had sucked up to the likes of Dana Milbank, would there have been, maybe, only 35 votes to repeal the Affordable Care Act? Would Louie Gohmert be sane? Would my new friend Joni Ernst be back in Cedar Falls, haranguing people about black helicopters, instead of wandering the halls of the U.S. goddamn Senate? I'm happy for Milbank's pal, but objection, your Honor. Assumes facts not in evidence.

Anyway, off to this Sunday's epochal moment in gobshitery, a performance so stunning that we don't even have to consider what went on in the Overlook Hotel at 30 Rock, where my man Chuck Todd always has been the caretaker, or the gathering hosted by former Scipio Africanus dispatch runner Bob Schieffer. No, the House Cup was clinched by Mike Pence, the big bag of hammers who governs Indiana, who dropped by This Week With The Clinton Guy Shocked By Blowjobs, and who wrapped up the competition in the first three minutes of his appearance. This may have been the worst performance by a politician on a Sunday Show I ever saw. In fact, it may be the worst performance by a purported human being in he history of television. As you may have guessed, Pence came on to defend his signing of the anti-gay Religious Freedom Restoration Act at a private ceremony last week, and to explain how Jesus wanted him to drive his local business community mad, and his local tourism economy into the abyss. He began by distorting a little history.

PENCE: The Religious Freedom Restoration Act was signed into federal law by President Bill Clinton more than 20 years ago. And it lays out a framework for ensuring that a very high level of scrutiny is given any time government action impinges on the religious liberty of any American. After that, some 19 states followed that, adopted that statute. And after last year's Hobby Lobby case, Indiana properly brought the same version that then state senator Barack Obama voted for in Illinois before our legislature. And I was proud to sign it into law last week. But, look, I think -- I understand that there's been a tremendous amount of misinformation and misunderstanding around this bill, and I'm just determined -- and I appreciate the time on your program -- I'm just determined to clarify this. This is about protecting the religious liberty of people of faith and families of faith across this country, that's what it's been for more than 20 years, and that's what it is now as the law in Indiana, George.

The problem Pence had was that he was barbering the history with which The Clinton Guy was quite familiar.

STEPHANOPOULOS: But I think one of the problems that people have pointed out is that in Indiana, your civil rights laws don't include sexual orientation as a protected class. And even some of the supporters of the bill who were -- who appeared with you when you signed the bill, Eric Miller of Advanced America wrote that, "It will protect those who oppose gay marriage." He put up this example. He said, "Christian bakers, florists and photographers should not be punished for refusing to participate in a homosexual marriage." So this is a yes or no question. Is Advance America right when they say a florist in Indiana can now refuse to serve a gay couple without fear of punishment?

As Pence demonstrated, however, this was not a yes-or-no question. There actually were three answers. There was yes, and there was no, and there also was, "Holy fk, what have I done? Run and hide!"

PENCE: Well, let -- let me explain to you, the purpose of this bill is to empower and has been for more than 20 years, George. This is not speculative. The purpose of this legislation, which is the law in all 50 states in our federal courts and it's the law by either statute or court decisions in some 30 other states, is very simply to empower individual when they believe that actions of government impinge on their constitutional First Amendment freedom of religion. And, frankly, George, there's a lot of people across this country who -- you're looking at ObamaCare and the Hobby Lobby decision, looking at other cases, who feel that their religious liberty is being infringed upon and -- and The Religious Freedom Restoration Act at the federal level and all the states now, including Indiana, who have it, are simply about addressing that.

This, of course, is complete gibberish. TCG asked Pence can someone refuse service to a gay couple. Unless Indiana has essentially turned its florists into an arm of the government, the way New Hampshire does with its liquor stores, his answer might as well have been in Tagalog for all the relevance it had to the question that was asked. And it got worse. Remember that scene at the end of The Perfect Storm, when Mark Wahlberg bobs to the surface in the middle of those towering, heaving breakers? That was Pence on Sunday.

STEPHANOPOULOS -- down here though, on it, because your supporters say it would. And so yes or no, if a florist in Indiana refuses to serve a gay couple at their wedding, is that legal now in Indiana?

PENCE: George, this is -- this is where this debate has gone, with -- with misinformation and frankly...

STEPHANOPOULOS: It's just a question, sir. Question, sir. Yes or no?

PENCE: Well -- well, this -- there's been shameless rhetoric about my state and about this law and about its intention all over the Internet. People are trying to make it about one particular issue. And now you're doing that, as well.

Good Lord, how many times a day do they have to water this guy? Stephanopolous confronted Pence with a statement by the guy who shepherded through the law that Pence signed behind the drapes, and Pence started burbling about rhetoric and the internet.

STEPHANOPOULOS: That was one of our supporters who was talking about the bill right there. It said it would protect a Christian florist who -- against any kind of punishment. Is that true or not?

PENCE: George, look, the issue here is, you know, is tolerance a two way street or not? I mean, you know, there's a lot of talk about tolerance in this country today having to do with people on the left. And a -- but here Indiana steps forward to protect the constitutional rights and privileges of freedom of religion for people of faith and families of faith in our state and this avalanche of intolerance that's been poured on our state is just outrageous. You've been to Indiana a bunch of times. You know it. There are no kinder, more generous, more welcoming, more hospitable people in America than in the 92 counties of Indiana.

There's never an aide around with a polo mallet when you need one.

Wow. Just fking wow.

Between Pence as its host, and Scottie Walker undoubtedly hanging around the basketball team representing the state university Walker's trying to gut, this year's Final Four is going to be five alarms in Shanghai, guaranteed.

Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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