The Church of England, in its latest effort to offer free marketing services for atheists everywhere, has reiterated that the only people who are allowed to have sex are straight married people. Everyone else? Abstinence for life.

It comes by way of “pastoral guidance” — telling its own leaders how to act — now that same-sex couples are now allowed to be in civil partnerships (in addition to marriage).

The church “seeks to uphold that standard” in its approach to civil partnerships, and “to affirm the value of committed, sexually abstinent friendships” within such partnerships. It adds: “Sexual relationships outside heterosexual marriage are regarded as falling short of God’s purpose for human beings.”

God’s purpose, as usual, is to make LGBTQ people suffer. (A president in a third marriage who pays hush money to porn stars while his latest wife is pregnant? That’s just God’s Will.)

None of this is particularly surprising. Bigots gonna bigot. No one was expecting the CoE to say something sensible. The only reason this continues to be newsworthy is really because the Church didn’t even need to do this. It’s a self-inflicted wound. Every time the Church speaks out against same-sex couples, conservatives celebrate, but young people continue their exodus out of the faith forever.

All of that’s to say: If anyone knows where to send a thank you card, let me know.

(Image via Shutterstock)

