Image source: Netflix

The little things may not always be little to the person they’re directly affecting and being equipped to handle everything that life may throw at you is just not that easy for everyone. What comes easier for you may be the hardest, most gut-wrenching thing to deal with for someone else and vice versa. What might seem like a non-issue to you may be the start of someone else’s downfall. Who are we to judge what may or may not be “enough” to push someone close to or over the edge?

These are some of the things that might happen while watching the toughest scenes in the television series “13 Reasons Why”: feeling the most uncomfortable mix of emotions you might have ever felt; inability to get highly graphic images from the series out of your mind, and feeling physically ill.

Not easy to watch for many. I completely get that.

The awareness and understanding of the tough issues shown in the series go hand in hand with, well, watching them. At least in this series, which I think was overall a job very well done.

I believe the show deserves more recognition for its work in raising awareness about these crucial issues. While I can’t personally relate to the more disturbing content, I can recognize that it is real life for many, many people. Why sugarcoat what really happens in real life? I wish that it wasn’t real life and that these scenes weren’t based on very real issues that happen way too much, but that’s not the reality of how it is. Those scenes may have induced uncomfortable feelings of shock and disgust, but they were real. That’s what really happens. What about the humans in real life who actually experienced these things? I can only imagine it was too much for them, but they didn’t have a say. I think it’s important to understand that the series depicted reality, and it’s hard to understand why exposure to that is thought of as wrong.

Humans — let alone high schoolers — don’t always make the best decisions for themselves or others… but that’s not to be judged by anyone. Can you say you’ve always made the best decisions for yourself? My best guess is — no, you cannot. Should Zach have been more open about his relationship with Hannah instead of hiding it because his popular, all-star athlete friend Bryce would have taunted him about it? Probably — but the circumstances around that relationship as stated above made it impossible to Zach. Maybe not to you, the outside viewer, but to him — the person in the situation. He hid the relationship from everyone to avoid any type of conflict. Was that hurtful to his love interest Hannah? Of course. Was he doing the best he thought he could do at the time? Maybe, possibly… who knows? That portrayal seems as real life to me as ever.

What causes a person to feel the way they feel and then do the things they do? Is it parents/home life? Your school/workplace? Your classmates/co-workers? Yourself as your own worst enemy? I think it’s a combination of all of the above (and more!), and the show did an extraordinary job of showing the multitude of factors that come into play.

In the face of tragedy, people can change their ways for the better — however, the actual reality is that the people who need the most help and kindness can still be left out and forgotten about. I think this point was very well-done with Tyler’s storyline. You can claim to do better, but if you take a good look at yourself, are you really doing better for absolutely everyone in your path? Are you truly considering every single person when making an effort to change for the better?

The way Tyler was (literally) shoved aside, ignored, and talked down to throughout the whole series was one of the hardest parts of watching the show. He still tried — he still made an effort and sadly, put on a pretty believable positive mask for his parents so that they wouldn’t suspect anything was out of the ordinary. Should they have noticed more? Well, that’s hard to say — how does one even do that when their child is telling them over and over everything is ok and school is great? I think that was the point, though. How do any of us really know what to do in our own lives?

Asking for help can seem daunting — I think it’s more common that one might think for the affected person to have real hesitations about seeking help, for example: “I bet other people get help and are able to happily move forward but I just don’t see how that’s possible for me,” or “I don’t want anyone to know what happened so I’m not going to share and maybe it’ll just get better.” Or some variation of those thoughts. This can lead to putting on a mask for others in which they would likely have no idea what’s really going on, which Tyler did with his parents in the show.

Tyler was treated poorly (a massive understatement) both before and after his classmate Hannah’s suicide. Although Hannah’s loss led to Clay and other classmates making an effort to be “better” and work toward justice for Hannah — Tyler was still left out from that effort over and over again. Did Tyler always make good decisions for himself and those around him? No — but I’ll bring up the point again: have you always made the right decision, said the right thing, done the right thing? You can make a wrong decision and still be a good person or at least work toward it, which Tyler did and then one of the worst scenarios possible still happened to him at school.

The buildup of events that directly affected him was massive — he was ignored, kicked out and isolated from Alex’s birthday party, and was constantly rejected from his classmates who were on the very same tapes he was on. Do I know that this is 100% what happens in the real world? No, I really don’t know for sure— but my best guess is that this type of scenario has to be very real for so many people - high schoolers and adults alike.

Tyler’s story was nothing but gut-wrenchingly tragic in both seasons — he didn’t always make the right decisions, but he did not deserve to be treated cruelly and essentially left behind by all of his peers. His peers, or in other words: the same people that pledged to do better, with the exception of Tyler. They wanted to be good to each other and get justice for Hannah and the people that hurt her, but the real danger was still hovering right in front of them with the rejected, shoved-aside Tyler. To me, there’s nothing more real life than this.

This also made me think about Monty in the series — although he comes off (rightfully so) as more of a villain and what he did was absolutely horrible to Tyler, it made me wonder: What was going on with him where he felt like that was what he wanted to do? What else was he dealing with at home, in school, or in his own mind? The horrible act he committed to Tyler seemed to have come from a place of rage and anger. Wherever it came from, it came from somewhere. It was wrong, horrific, and he deserves consequences. It also raised the question of Monty desperately needing help for himself. A person doesn’t just do that — it comes from somewhere.

What this series showed was that both bullying and mental health issues can come on so, so differently to each and every human — there are no stereotypes possible because both of these issues have zero limitations when it comes to who is affected. One person might choose to share their own story with you to make you aware, while another person might keep it all in forever to where you would never, ever know what was going on unless they told you. It. Can. Be. ANYONE. Not just someone who “seems sad all the time” or someone who acts “differently” (argh, hate that term in this context) than you might.

I’m all for this show and everything it stands for — I thought it did such a great job in giving the spotlight to the issues above (and more) and hope the conversation continues. I’ll still continue to read and learn about “the other side” of this.

These and other similar issues are without a doubt tough to discuss, much less see depicted with very graphic detail on screen — but the benefit of awareness heavily outweighs the uncomfortable feeling we tend to avoid or quickly want to get rid of.

When it comes to living our own best lives, that should include being compassionate and considerate of others — all others. We can all vow to do what we can to be more conscious of this in our daily lives, but so many people will still suffer in silence until they get the help they need. Even then, we still don’t know what a person is really dealing with. It’s not any one person’s responsibility to “fix” others — that’s too big of a burden for anyone to bear. What we can do is be better all around to everyone, no exceptions.

The classmate you might have called “weird” to your friend group, the co-worker you think is “annoying”, the friend who you often label as “needy” — they all deserve to be treated with the same kindness as you would with your favorite person in the world. May we all be on the same side with that mindset — be good to everyone in your path, always.