Naming a child in Sweden is serious business.

The government won’t let you call your kid “Ikea,” and there’s a good chance Dweezil – as in Zappa – and Blanket – that’s a Jackson – wouldn’t fly either.

But if I were to spawn another kidlet, I’d probably go for “Arjeplog.” Arjeplog is a small town in northern Sweden, about a pickled-herring’s throw from the Arctic Circle where Jaguar holds its Ice Academy — an institute of icy higher learning situated on a very large and very frozen lake.

Granted, Arjeplog Bleakney would never forgive me for their unfortunate handle, but at least every time I spoke his or her name it would conjure up memories of glorious sideways slides in a Jaguar F-Type, and the immense satisfaction of occasionally stitching together a few corners in WRC-worthy pendulous glory.

There are more than 90,000 lakes in Sweden, and this one, Lake Kakel, was purchased by Bosch in 1972, hence opening the door for automotive testing. Jaguar Land Rover has been up here for quite some time, using the lake to test tires and fine-tune its electronic stability control systems. The Jaguar Ice Academy is a relatively new venture, but is proving to be a going concern — the 300 spots for this season are pretty much sold.



















With prices ranging from 3,450 euro to 8,750 euro ($5,000 to $12,600, including accommodation and meals) the Jaguar Ice Academy is a high-end experience not for those shallow-of-wallet. We sampled the “starter” Ice Drive Package (three days with two days of instruction) that had us driving AWD Jaguar F-Pace crossovers and rear-wheel-drive V6 Jaguar F-Type sports cars over a variety of courses — slalom, a gigantic skid circle and a number of handling circuits. There are 50 kilometers of track here, and when it snows, they clear more of the white stuff than at Stockholm airport.

As with most of these advanced winter driving courses, we are two to a car with the instructors observing trackside, communicating via walkie-talkie. But unlike many of these I’ve done, the track time here at Jag’s Ice Academy is super-generous. The first morning was taken up practicing the basics with some comprehensive slalom and braking exercises. And of course, electronic stability control is fully off, thank you. The AWD F-Pace crossovers are on studded tires, while the rear-drive F-Type sports cars wear more aggressive (and not road-legal) spiked rubber. Without these we’d be going nowhere.

The Jaguar instructors are stellar, a crew of experienced racers whose skill on the ice matches their teaching acumen and, yes, patience. Our group showed wildly divergent skill levels, from “somewhat experienced” to “Hey, this is the first time I’ve seen snow!” And what is it about a friendly British accent that is so naturally calming and reassuring?

Once at the circuits we’re each running 20-minute lapping stints – two, sometimes three – which is a heck of a lot of time to practice, and indeed work up a sweat. Repetition is the way to get “the feel” programmed into our muscle memory. Ideally, we’re throwing the vehicle into a drift before each corner, controlling the slide with steering and throttle inputs, and then powering straight past the apex to the next bend, where we do it again. Ideally.

See, it’s a delicate art — sometimes you nail it, sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you’re sawing furiously at the wheel to regain a modicum of control, and sometimes – like me – you get over-confident, over-cook it and land a pretty F-Type ass-backwards in the deep snow. Then comes the humiliating wait to be “extracted.” Ah, all part of the learning experience, the cheery British lads tell me.

It’s surprising how well-suited the F-Pace crossover is to these arse-end antics. With all the electronic nannies silenced, the rear bias of the F-Pace’s all-wheel-drive system is wholly evident – a stab of throttle kicks out the tail no problem – yet with some torque going to the front wheels, you can use the power to pull the vehicle out of the corners — or out of trouble. The rear-drive 380-hp V6 F-Type is a completely different animal. Less forgiving, it requires a lighter touch and more commitment. But the car is beautifully balanced, and the instant throttle response of the supercharged V6 is exactly what’s needed here.

On-hand was one of the only 300 Project 8 super-sedans produced by Jaguar’s SVR performance skunkworks. No, we didn’t get to drive it, but a couple of laps with a hot-shoe instructor in this 600-hp winged-and-flared beast gave us a glimpse of how ice driving can be done.

Jaguar’s Ice Academy is an otherworldly experience, not least because of the bewitching Swedish setting where light is magical and the air pure. It snows on our second day, conjuring a surreal landscape wherein the frozen lake blended seamlessly into a translucent sky. And here we are, throwing Jaguars into lurid slides, riding a knife edge between kinetic high art and frantic flailing. But with each session it gets better. Repetition. Repetition. And when you nail it, dang, that feels good. Trust me, little Arjeplog, it’s definitely the most fun you can have in a car with your parka on.