It is 1981, a warm, bright Sunday evening in late May. I am standing on the soot-blackened stone wall that borders the primary school I am about to leave at the onset of summer. There are four other boys with me, and resting on the wall is a transistor radio.

The DJ is counting down from 10 to one. We all know what’s coming at the end of it, by dint of a process of basic elimination, but there’s an electric thrill building nonetheless. The expected announcement comes: “And at number one, for the fourth week running… It’s Adam and the Ants with ‘Stand and Deliver’!”

I can’t remember now whether we had pre-arranged what happened next, or if it was a result of that strange group telepathy that we now often forget we employed on an almost daily basis as children, but we all gave a high-pitched whooping holler and leapt off the wall in unison.

Ed Sheeran buys his new album from HMV Oxford Street

In my memory we never hit the sloping grass field, but are preserved like a grainy Polaroid picture, frozen in flight arms blurring in a moment of flailing joy. It is 1981, and the pop charts mean something. The hit parade, as our parents call it to our groans and rolling eyes, is important. Everybody knows what’s number one. Everybody can name the top 10, at the very least. We know the new entries and what’s slipping down the rankings.

And now it’s gone. I’m calling it. And it’s all Ed Sheeran’s fault. As I write this, the midweek chart rankings have just been released, and Ed Sheeran has nine – count ‘em, nine! – songs in the top 10. He’s expected to have 16 songs in the top 40 when the countdown is officially unveiled on Sunday.

Top of the Pops, as it used to be (Rex) (Rex Features)

But will anybody be listening? Does anybody care? Has the pop charts finally, officially, ignominiously, just been put to death with half a housebrick repeatedly smashed into its head?

Well, it’s not really Sheeran’s fault. He’s just done what pop stars do – released an album. But the absolute mess the pop charts have become means that it no longer has an relevance or meaning. Sheeran’s domination of the charts this week is nothing to do with the number of singles he’s released, but the fact that every paid-for download or stream of digital music now gets collated, added up and given a chart position, meaning that pretty much every track off his new album ÷ (yes, I know. Divide, apparently) which has been individually downloaded, makes the grade for the singles chart.

And where, I wonder, is the fun in that? I’ve just asked my 12-year-old daughter who’s top of the charts.

“Ed Sheeran?” she hazards, though she would have been very unlucky to get it wrong this week.

“Do you ever listen to the Top 40 on Radio 1?” I ask. She shrugs.

“I listen on Spotify.”

Oh, don’t worry: I know I’m old and not with it, if I ever was. I cling on to outmoded culture consumption rituals. I still like watching TV dramas when they are actually broadcast, week by week, rather than waiting to binge watch them. I like the heft of a paperback book in my hands. I like holding a disc of black vinyl sandwiched between the palms of my hands and blowing non-existent dust from its grooves.

But I long ago resigned myself to the fact the water cooler moment of the pop charts was no more. The last time I remember caring was on a drive home on a dark December night, waiting to see if The Darkness would beat Gary Jules and Michael Andrews’ cover of Tears for Fears’ "Mad World" to the Christmas number one. (They didn’t). That was 2003.

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Sandwiches must NOT contain tomatoes, vinegar, chili or citrus fruit PA The 20 most ridiculous things superstar musicians have demanded at their concerts Kanye West The Demands: 1 Tub Plain Yogurt for dipping 4 small Yoplait Yogurt 1 Bowl of assorted nuts 1 Bowl of Sunkist Salted Pistachio Nuts (No Red Coloring) 2 Packs of Extra Chewing Gum 1 Bottle of Hot Sauce (Tabasco, Caribbean Type) 1 Box of Toothpicks 1 750 ml bottle of Hennessey Liquor 1 750 ml bottle of SKY or Absolut Vodka 1 Bottle of Patron Silver Tequila 4 Six Packs of Heineken Beer Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty, David Parsons/iStock The 20 most ridiculous things superstar musicians have demanded at their concerts Rihanna The Demands: 5 AC power outlets Adequate lighting for a “relaxed atmosphere” White drapes to cover lockers and/or brick 1 Humidifier 1 Large throw rug — plush and animal print (Cheetah, Leopard) … must be CLEAN, as she will walk on it barefoot. Pipe and Drape the room in Dark Blue or Black drapes with Icy Blue Chiffon draped nicely on top 6 Candles — Archipelago Black Forest (if you can't get these, please let me know ASAP as we have a 2nd choice of candle for Ri). 4 Small, clear, square vases with White Tulips, no foliage (2nd choice: White Casablanca Lilies no foliage, 3rd choice: White Freesia, no foliage) The 20 most ridiculous things superstar musicians have demanded at their concerts Katy Perry The Demands: Arrangement of pink fresh flowers. White and purple hydrangeas, pink & white roses and peonies. If not available, seasonal white flowers to include white orchids–ABSOLUTELY NO CARNATIONS. A box of Huggies baby nature care wipes 6 Vitamin waters zero, assorted flavors Bowl of whole fresh organic grown fruit (apples, bananas, oranges and grapes) Plate of fresh-cut Crudités (to include cucumber, broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, snap peas, celery) w/ ranch dip Snyder's of Hanover Honey Mustard & Onion Pretzel Jar of Salsa Baked (blue corn if possible) Tortilla Chips Freeze dried strawberries 2 bottles of Santa Margarita Pinot Grigio Throat coat, Twinnings Chamomile PG tips and Mint medley tea. Fuze slenderize assorted flavors A jar of quality honey Plastic drinking straws AFP/Getty Images The 20 most ridiculous things superstar musicians have demanded at their concerts Paul McCartney The Demands: All lamps must be halogen floor lamps with dimmer switch. Only animal free materials (cottons, denims, velour, etc.) Do not provide furniture made of any animal skin or print. Do not provide artificial versions of animal skin or print either. No leather seating is allowed in the black stretch limousine either. Arrange for a dry cleaner before arrival. 6 Full and leafy floor plants, but no trees. We want plants that are just as full on the bottom as the top such as palm, bamboo, peace lilies, etc. No tree trunks! $50.00 - One large arrangement of white Casablanca lilies with lots of foliage. $40.00 - One long stemmed arrangement of pale pink and white roses with lots of foliage. $35 One arrangement of freesia. It comes in various colors so please mix them up. Freesia is a favorite. 20 dozen clean towels outside of the production office AP The 20 most ridiculous things superstar musicians have demanded at their concerts Mariah Carey The Demands: Each room must be draped. Black drapes are fine. The entry door should open into the living room space, not the dressing room. 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(Seriously) Getty The 20 most ridiculous things superstar musicians have demanded at their concerts Madonna The Demands: 200-person entourage 2o international phone lines Her backstage room must look exactly like her own home (that means she ships around her furniture) Special flower-scented fabric Actual flowers Personal chef who prepares only vegan foods Her own dry-cleaning service AP The 20 most ridiculous things superstar musicians have demanded at their concerts Alicia Keys Alicia Keys performs at the UEFA Champions League Final Getty The 20 most ridiculous things superstar musicians have demanded at their concerts Jay Z The Demands: 7 sets of metal silverware 1 Lighter 3 Glade Candles (French Vanilla, Rain shower, Wild Berry, Tangerine Ginger) 3 Cans of Chunk White Tuna 10 Nutri-Grain Bars (Blueberry, Cherry, Apple, Strawberry) 6 Individual Packets of Quaker Oats Instant Oatmeal (Brown Sugar and Apple Cinnamon) 1 Assorted Fruit Platter with strawberries, seedless red grapes, bananas, mango, blueberries, cantaloupe and raspberries 2 Cases of beer (one imported and one domestic; brands preferred: Amstel Light, Corona, Bud, Bud Light or local beer) 3 menus for local seafood and Italian restaurants to order meals for Alicia Getty The 20 most ridiculous things superstar musicians have demanded at their concerts Mary J. 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I f——— hate that Getty Images The 20 most ridiculous things superstar musicians have demanded at their concerts Van Halen The Demands: Nuts Pretzels M&MS (WARNING: ABSOLUTELY NO BROWN ONES) 1 large tube of KY jelly 3 packs of Marlboro cigarettes (box) Herring in sour cream 2 gallons non-carbonated, bottled spring water 3 fifths Jack Daniels Black Label bourbon 2 fifths Stolichnaya vodka 1 pint Southern Comfort 2 bottles Blue Nun white wine Getty Images

Two years later the Official Chart Company allowed downloads to be eligible. Understandable, and I’m no Luddite, but that was where the rot set in. In 2014, streaming from services such as Spotify was allowed, and I threw up my hands and walked away. The first track to reach number one under this new rule? "Thinking Out Loud" by – of course – Ed Sheeran.

So why do you care, grandad? Because I just do. I understand fully the democratising nature of allowing downloads and streaming, and I am pleased it could give bands and artists who don’t have a label a chance at pop stardom. But it’s like a genie’s been let out of a bottle and laid waste to everything. If nine songs in the top 10 are from the same artist, then what’s the point of it all?

And yes, you are going to tell me that in 1964 The Beatles held the top five positions on the Billboard Chart. But that was notable because it was such an achievement: these were all actual singles, that were so good people kept buying them even as new ones were being released. It was a phenomenon, notable because it hadn’t happened before or since. Until this week.

DJ Tony Blackburn in the studio at Radio London in 1981 (Rex) (Rex Features)

Still: get with the programme, old man. The thing is, it feels to me like we need unifying moments more than ever these days. We’re such a divided society in so many ways that even little things that can bring us together. Even just finding out, all at the same time, which song is the best-selling one in the country, seems like it would be a victory, of sorts.

It would be a victory, too, to have diversity, choice and variety instead of the bland, pale homogeny of one artist dominating the top 10 with nine positions.

By virtue of the internet (oh, the irony, you cry) I can see exactly what was in the top 10 that week in 1981 that’s preserved in aspic in my memory: Adam and the Ants, of course; Shakin’ Stevens; Stars on 45; Kim Wilde; Tottenham Hotspur’s FA Cup song! Tenpole Tudor; Smokey Robinson; REO Speedwagon; Toyah; Kim Carnes.

And don’t worry, kids, I’m not saying the music was any better then than it is now (rider: it was) – but it was different. All of it. And that, as in so many ways then and now, is something to be celebrated and cherished.

There’s no stopping Ed Sheeran, of course. I am, however, toying with the idea of downloading The Chainsmokers and Coldplay’s joint effort – the only non-Sheeran song in the midweek updates – enough times to try to get it to the top spot, just out of pure mischief.