SCP-3299

ONE WEIRD TRICK! (YOU WON'T BELIEVE NUMBER 8!!!!)

Item #: SCP-3299

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: Major internet advertising agencies are to have their output automatically monitored by I/O-BEHOLDER for instances of SCP-3299; any such detected instances are to be deleted using previously installed Foundation trojan software, and attempts to track their source should be made.

Any individuals discovered to have been affected by SCP-3299 are to be detained and treated on a case-by-case basis. The preferred treatment is the administration of amnestics and then release, but more invasive options are available as necessary, including but not limited to corrective surgery or permanent containment in the Anomalous Humanoid Wing of Site-17.

Description: SCP-3299 is a series of cognitohazardous internet advertisements of a style that is colloquially referred to as "clickbait". Individuals who follow the link in the advertisement and read the headline and full body of the associated article are subject to its effect.

When its effect is triggered, the affected individual is subject to one or more mental or physical alterations associated in some way with the headline and contents of the SCP-3299 instance they were exposed to.

These alterations appear to be irreversible; amnestics have had no success in removing mental effects, though in minor cases physical alterations can be masked with surgery.

To date there have been 247 different recorded varieties of SCP-3299. Their content varies significantly but in most cases tends towards the absurd. Refer to Table-3299-1 below for a list of examples. The origin of SCP-3299 is unknown, but attempts to trace its source have resulted in a pattern of inconclusive data matching that of SCP-2964.

Table-3299-1 - Examples of SCP-3299

Headline Contents Summary Effect This woman's one weird trick will make you younger! Doctors hate her! Includes details on a facial ointment, supposedly made from household goods, with the implied effect of making a person look more youthful. Subjects not educated to a PhD level visibly de-aged by between 20% to 30% of their current age. Subjects with a PhD became irrationally angry at the woman mentioned in the article, ultimately developing a crippling obsession that prevents normal functioning. This intense footage will shake even the most skeptic [sic] nonbeliever! A short video of maintenance lights flashing in an underground train line tunnel that briefly synchronise into the vague shape of a human face. Immediately following the conclusion of the video, the subject's body begins to vibrate at a frequency of between 800Hz and 2.3Khz, causing them to produce the associated audible tone. This effect is permanent, but has as of yet had no significant long-term health impacts on the subjects. This uncomfortable video of a clam will irreversibly change you! An article featuring several photos (but no video) of Mercenaria mercenaria (hard clams) in various stages of their life, with descriptions of the life-cycle of said clams. Approximately six hours after reading this instance, subjects undergo rapid and extreme morphological changes; their hands form into solid structures resembling bi-valve clam shells and their legs fuse into a single large appendage resembling the foot of a clam.

Addendum 1

On 11/03/2017 a new strain of SCP-3299 began appearing on websites served by popular advertising services. These new instances typically consist of only a headline and an image or video; in instances that contain text, the text is frequently nonsensical strings of random words. Additionally, reading the linked article itself is no longer required to trigger their effects; reading the headline and viewing the associated images/video is sufficient. Table-3299-2 contains examples of this new strain.

I/O-BEHOLDER has been updated to check for potential future strains of SCP-3299 in addition to its usual monitoring activities.

Table-3299-2