NYPD Arrests 7,000 Cops in Overnight Crackdown on Placard Abusers

Please note: This story, posted at 12:01 a.m. on April 1, was an April Fool’s satire.

Thousands of police officers were rounded up and arrested in overnight raids as the NYPD finally moved against cops who abuse their parking privileges.

NYPD Commissioner James O’Neill ordered the round-up after an internal review revealed that every single NYPD officer had been found to have illegally parked with a department-issued placard.

“Enough is enough,” O’Neill said early Monday, April 1. “Today, we have sent a message that we will arrest cops who park illegally all over the place with no regard for their communities, you know, on sidewalks or in ‘No standing’ zones, or in bike lanes, which is pretty much every cop.”

O’Neill initially ordered his subordinates to arrest every cop who had been found to have parked illegally in the last 12 months, but he had to backtrack and focus on the worst offenders when he was told that there would be no cops left.

Mayor de Blasio excused the arrested officers’ behavior, reiterating that police officers often drive long distances and work long hours for the city.

“These people are heroes,” the mayor said. “Heroes who should be able to park wherever they want.”