From Homestar Runner Wiki

"You got this, Homestar. This is nothin'."

After years of no updates, Homestar decides to update all the best features of the website.

Cast (in order of appearance): Homestar Runner, The Homestar Runner, Sickly Sam, Strong Bad

Places: Index Page, Hairstyle Gallery, The Field (Old-Timey), Homestar Talker, Computer Room

Date: Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Running time: 4:47

Page title: Everybody! Everybody?

edit] Transcript

{The Homestarrunner.com welcome screen is visible, but dim. On the left is "com on in", with the "e" in "come" having fallen down below the words. On the right is "watch intro"; the "a" has fallen a bit and has pushed aside some of the letters below it. Homestar Runner, though dim like the rest of the screen, appears as normal. The top-left corner of the screen is sagging slightly. Wind can be heard in the background. After a few seconds, a drop of water falls and Homestar sighs. The sagging corner falls a little over the next line, exposing some HTML behind it.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {aside, to himself} You got this, Homestar. This is nothin'. Just like fallin' off a web van.

{The lights come on.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, hello, Debra! {turns to the side} Simone! {angrily leans into the camera} The Internet! {leans back} I am what you might call Homestar Runner. {beat, then throws confetti. Out of the side of his mouth:} Yaaaay! Over the last several years of my dot com, peoples all the time be askin' me: "Hey Homestar! How come you stopped updating—"

{Homestar starts coughing and sputtering.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ahem! Sorry, got some {a piece of crab, with a drop of blood falling from it, appears from inside his mouth} crab shell stuck in my throat. {throws it aside} Continuing. "How come you stopped updating the best feature on your website?" And to that I answer: "You mean how come I stopped updating the Hairstyle Runner gallery back in the year 2000?" {holds up the Hairstyle Runner toy} I don't know! Let's go update it right now, Joshy!

{He winds up to run toward stage left.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yup. You guessed it. {takes off} Peow!

{Another drop of water falls after he is gone. Cut to the "Hairstyle Gallery", as noted by a banner on the top of the screen. It is a museum entryway, entirely done in the style of the older toons. There is a statue of Homestar with a leaf over his crotch and olive branches on his head, holding a tablet that reads "PLVRBVS OVRBVS". In the lower-right corner are two banners reading "SEE THE GALLERY" and "SUBMIT YOUR OWN". Homestar, in his modern appearance, walks in and looks at the statue.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Whoa-hoa-hoa! Hello there, magnificent specimen. {takes the leaf} Poink! {he places it over his own crotch} That's better. Let's get started.

{He turns to look at a Hairstyle Runner allegedly submitted by "Cherry G.". It shows the iron shavings placed to look like eyes and a bird beak on the back of Homestar's head.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {from offscreen} This one from Cherry G. makes the back of my head look like some kind of bold eagle.

{Cut back to Homestar.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {laughing} Huh-huh-huh-huh! He's so bold in his... in his decision making! Oh-ho! He's our national bold! Ohhh man! What fun!

{Turns to look at one from "D. Lindo" that has "P." written on Homestar's head in the shavings.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {from offscreen} Here's one from D. Lindo that simply has the letter—

{Cut back to Homestar as he snickers, then breaks out laughing.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Haaa! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! It's the letter— {snickers again, and then turns to the side} Pom Pom, ya gotta see this! {doubles over} It's the letter P! Followed by a period! {rolls over onto his back} Ha ha ha ha ha! Who puts a period after the letter P?! {calming down} Ohh man, I'm gonna stand back up. {starts to get up} I'm'a stand back up right now. {stands up} Whew! I am on a roll! What else can we update? I know! Let's bring everybody's favorite old-timey cartoons—

{Cut to the intro to Kick the Can.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {from offscreen} —into the modern age!

{The Homestar Runner appears, kicking the can. He approaches Sickly Sam.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {from offscreen} With my patented Colorarization!

{Colors appear from the right side of the screen with the blinking word "COLORARIZATION!" appearing. The colors are mostly pastel colors that don't fit the scene at all. Sickly Sam's legs become beefy human-looking legs covered in hair, but his main body doesn't change at all.}

SICKLY SAM: {very distorted} Am I up with the times?

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Sorry, Sickly Sam. You're an affront to God and man!

{He kicks the can into Sickly Sam, and both disappear with a "PAFH!" cloud and sound effect. The Homestar Runner kicks and opens his mouth as the scene cuts back to modern-day Homestar, with the leaf in his mouth.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, man, these updates are great! Let's keep going! {swallows the leaf} Ooh, how's about some new words for the old Homestar Talker?

{The Homestar Talker appears. With different sound effects, "KITCHENETTE", "DRACONIAN", and "POINK" appear in the corners. A mouse cursor clicks the following words, and the Homestar in the Talker says them in his old voice:}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {in the Talker} Kitchenette. Strong Bad. Is. Making. Draconian. Marshmallow. Poink.

STRONG BAD: {from offscreen} Draconian marshmallow poink?! Oh, that is it!! I'm going to appear onscreen! Now.

{The cursor clicks on "Alright".}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {in the Talker} All riiiiight!

{Cut to the Hairstyle Gallery, where Strong Bad is now in front of Homestar.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh! Hi, Simone!

STRONG BAD: This is clearly not what they meant when they asked about updating the website's best feature!

{Closeup on Homestar.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Uhhhh... yeah, it is. It's all the best junk from my dot com!

{Strong Bad leans into the shot.}

STRONG BAD: Oh yeah? Well what about...

{Leaves and then sits down at the Compy 386.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} strongbad_eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee_windows98desktoptheme

{He hits Enter, and a desktop theme with Strong Bad's boxing glove "SB" logo in the background and "MY COMPUTER" labeled with an icon of Strong Bad's head. Shortly thereafter, icons for "NETWORK NEIGHBORHOOD" (his boxing glove), "MY DOCUMENTS" (Strong Bad in front of a stack of papers), and "TRASH BIN" (a roll of toilet paper) appear one at a time}

COMPY: {in Strong Bad's original voice} Hello, stupid, and welcome to your crappy computer!

STRONG BAD: Whoa! Sounded good there! I had a lot more wrestling mask in my accent back then. Let's update that jank! C'mere, System Mic!

{A small tab appears from the left side of the monitor, and a telescoping microphone appears and extends toward Strong Bad.}

STRONG BAD: Windows 98 system startup sound, go!

{A window labeled "sys.mic" appears, showing the sound wave of Strong Bad's next line.}

STRONG BAD: {singing} Ongggg, doodle-ing! Ding ding ding ding! Welcome to Windows 98. {jumps up from his chair and yells:} WHY ARE YOU STILL USING WINDOWS 98?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! STOP BUYING COMPUTERS FROM THRIFT STORES, MAN!

{Cut to a wide shot, showing Homestar standing nearby.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: 'Scuse me, Strong Bad. Wanna help me record a duet of my classic Win98 System Shutdown song?

STRONG BAD: {apprehensively} Oh, I dunno...

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {to the camera} Oh, come on, folks, who wants to hear it?

{A crowd cheers from offscreen.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: On this stage tonight, the two great guys back together!

STRONG BAD: I mean I couldn't possibly... I couldn't think to want to... and {unintelligible} {smiles} Oh, very well. Hit it, Homestar!

{Cut to Homestar, with a mustache and goatee sloppily drawn on his face in marker, talking into the Compy's microphone.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: One, two, three, four, five...

{Cut further back. Homestar is wearing a gray fedora and shirt, blue jeans, and now has the Compy's mic strapped to his face.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing off-key} And now the love!

{Strong Bad's head floats by}

STRONG BAD: {singing} And now the love!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: That lasts forever!

{Strong Bad's head appears with gold teeth with "4", "E", "V", and "A" written on them.}

STRONG BAD: You know it's lasted forever!

{Two Homestars appear.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Has cooome—

{Strong Bad slides in on his knees.}

STRONG BAD: Come down—

HOMESTAR RUNNER: —to—

STRONG BAD: —to—

{Cut to Strong Bad's computer room. Homestar is dressed normally, although both he and Strong Bad have leaves over their crotches, and both characters are arm-in-invisible-arm.}

BOTH: —its eeeeeeeeeee...

{The screen fades out and their voices trail off, but it immediately brightens back up and they complete the word.}

BOTH: ...eeeeeeeenduh!

{The screen switches to the text "It's now safe to turn off your computer." After a few seconds,}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {from offscreen} Thanks for updatin' the website with me, Strong Bad!

STRONG BAD: {from offscreen} Yeah, that wasn't so bad! We should do this again soon.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {from offscreen} Three years soon, or like five years soon?

{The text starts to tilt.}

STRONG BAD: {from offscreen} Y'know, five, ten, fifteen, whate— whatever it takes.

{Text reading "back", "download strong bad's windows 98 theme", and "download homestar's windows 98 theme" appears.}

edit] Easter Eggs

At the end, click on "safe" to see a bust of the back of Homestar's head with eyes and a beak, labeled "OUR NATIONAL BOLD".

At the end, click on "turn off" to see an album with Homestar in his singer outfit and Strong Bad with cornrows and his "4EVA" teeth, labeled "The 2 Great Guys ON THIS STAGE TONITE", with "COMPY-DIRECTIONAL SOUND" written at the bottom.

At the end, click on "computer" to see a scene with Homestar and Strong Bad.

{The text at the end of the toon is actually painted on a giant cardboard rectangle that Homestar and Strong Bad are holding up.} HOMESTAR RUNNER: So what have you been up to, man? Haven't seen you in so long! STRONG BAD: Ah, you know how it is. Doin' a lot of side projects, some consulting, maybe a little freelance... Those are words that people say when they haven't actually been doing anything, right? HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, yeah, cool! I've been kinda like living inside of a bag. Like a duffel bag. STRONG BAD: Oh! That's... great? HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, yeah, I know, it's— it's great! It's got, like, a zipper. And... some straps. Maybe some kind of fungus growing in it. So basically, you know, top of my game!

edit] Fun Facts

edit] Explanations

This entire toon alludes to The Brothers Chaps' hiatus from regular updates. This is the first major update on the site since Which Ween Costumes?, from December 22nd, 2010. This makes it the longest hiatus in the site's history at 3 years, 3 months, 1 week, and 3 days (or 1,197 days total).

edit] Trivia

Beginning on April 1, 2014, the toon replaced the Index Page, such that viewers could only access the rest of the website by using the navbar. On or around July 9, 2014, the Index Page was restored to its normal state. After being reverted, no new link was created for this cartoon until October 3, when the site was updated for the release of Fish Eye Lens.

The disk in the floppy disk container reads "eden" and is most likely a reference to the 1992 point-and-click adventure game 'Amazon: Guardians of Eden'.

The words "plurbus" and "ourbus" are not actual Latin words. However, "pluribus orbus" could be taken to mean "more deprived".

"The 2 Great Guys" album cover has a faint white ring on it, indicating it is supposed to be an old vinyl record album.

This toon was the first video to be uploaded to the YouTube channel since December 17, 2009.

Fitting for Strong Bad's remark about having more mask in his accent, this is the first toon released after the timeframe when, according to the bonus email Accent, Strong Bad would have lost his accent.

The YouTube description for this toon is "Homestar finally updates everyone's favorite part of his dot com."

edit] Remarks

The Hairstyle Runner hair (both at the title screen and in the gallery) is still interactive. Each piece shrinks slightly when highlighted, just as in Hairstyle Runner. However, clicking them does nothing, and they cannot be dragged.

When Homestar is seen eating the leaf, the aspect ratio is the same as the updated Kick the Can.

None of the original sound clips from Homestar Talker are used, except for "alright". This may be so all words in the sentence are the same sound quality.

Despite the fact that the Compy 386 was shot by Bubs in virus, and then eaten by Strong Mad in retirement, it appears here completely unharmed instead of Strong Bad's current computer, the Compé. This may be for better consistency, as the Compé appears to run on a newer operating system. There is also no contrast knob.

The start up sound Strong Bad sings is actually from Windows 95 rather than Windows 98.

The shading of Strong Bad's pants is purple in the computer room, but gray in the rest of the toon.

The "back" button always leads to Main Page 17.

The desktop themes are not strictly for Windows 98. They are also fully compatible with Windows ME, and they work on a Windows 95 computer that has Microsoft Plus! installed.

The "Colorarization" scene is based on the DVD version of Kick the Can - that is, it uses the standard Old-Timey theme instead of The Entertainer.

edit] Inside References

edit] Real-World References

"Let's bring everybody's favorite old-timey cartoons into the modern age with my patented Colorarization!"

Webvan was an online company specializing in the purchase and delivery of groceries. They went bankrupt in 2001, and are regarded as one of the worst flops in Internet history.

"Colorarization" is a reference to film colorization, the practice of adding color to black-and-white films with varying degrees of success.

The "It's now safe to turn off your computer" screen is directly lifted from the screen that most Windows 95, Windows 98, and Windows Me computers would show after shutting down if they were unable to power off by themselves. A parody of this screen also appeared in virus.

D. Lindo may be a reference to actor Delroy Lindo.

edit] Fast Forward

Strong Bad's version of "The Ocelot and the Porridge Maiden" has the porridge maiden living inside a duffel bag.

Multiple copies of the Homestar statue are later seen in an Easter egg in The Homestar Runner Enters the Spooky Woods.

edit] YouTube Version

On September 25, 2014, a DVD-like version was released.

When Homestar is singing the first half of the song, Strong Bad is removed from those scenes, but he could still be heard singing.

Homestar and Strong Bad's Easter egg appears immediately following the toon. The "OUR NATIONAL BOLD" and "2 Great Guys" Easter eggs are not shown.