TWT #143 –

On May 23rd, 1618, two Catholic Lords were thrown out of a window (aka “defenestrated”) by Protestants in Prague and, though the Lords were uninjured, this event sparked the bloody Thirty Years’ War.

First, let’s start off by congratulating whoever the hell coined the word “Defenestration”, which literally just means throwing someone out of a window. Brilliant.

Now onto our event. Lets give a little background.

In 1609, King of Bohemia Rudolf II issued the “Letter of Majesty”, which granted more rights for Protestants to exercise religion and build churches and whatnot.

Fast forward a few years, Rudolf dies, his younger brother Mattias comes into power, yada yada yada, Mattias selects his cousin Ferdinand as his heir and BOOM Ferdinand immediately tells Protestants to stop building churches on royal land.

So, on this fateful day exactly 401 years ago today, four Catholics walks into a Bohemian Chancellory (stop me if you’ve heard this one).

Our four Catholic Lords are: Count Jaroslav Bořita, Count Vilem Slavata, Adam II von Sternberg, and Matthew Leopold Popel Lobkowitz (how in the hell is that only 4 people?).

This is Count Vilem Slavata of Chlum, owner of fantastic facial hair

A protestant group led by Count Thurn was not too happy that they couldn’t build anymore churches on the coolest Royal Ground, so they confronted these four Catholics. Essentially, Count Thurn and the Thurnites wanted to know if these Catholics had persuaded the Emperor to make that call regarding Protestant church building.

Their answer? “Let me go ask my Dad”

But actually, the four Lords wanted to go confer with their superior Lord to ensure they all got their story straight.

Thurn wasn’t too happy with this response. He did, however, allow the two Lords Adam and Matthew Leopold Popel Lobkowitz (again, insane name) to leave the room.

Count Vilem and Count Jaroslav were left alone with the dastardly Protestants. Assuming their punishment would be a simple slap on the wrist, these two Catholic Counts actually admitted to influencing the Emperors decision…

And were promptly thrown out of a window!

Definitely looks like someone’s getting Defenestrated

Sorry, they were “Defenestrated.”

Luckily, both Catholics were carried on the wings of angels, and incurred not a single injury from the 70 foot plummet. And thus the Catholics and Protestants of Prague lived happily ever after, laughing about their past differences!

Nope.

This event is attributed as the starting point of the Thirty Years’ War which saw the deaths of an estimated 8,000,000 people.

Oof.

(p.s. If you enjoyed this Terrible take on History, subscribe to our newsletter for exclusive Terrible content!)

Email address: Leave this field empty if you’re human: