One of our readers recently sent us a link to an article describing foreskin facials and asked for the official RoK stance. I decided to look into this matter and, through my research, reached several somber realizations about the childlike nature of women and the amazing shrewdness of businessmen who are willing to exploit it. But, let’s start from the top.

That wasn’t some horrible autocorrect mistake or an Onion article – foreskin facials are an actual thing. HydraFacial is a proprietary non-invasive cosmetic facelift procedure available in New York that is supposed to exfoliate and rejuvenate the skin. At a price of $300 per hour, the customer will receive a four-step cleansing treatment with a glorified aspirator, crowned by a bizarre facial mask containing stem cells extracted from a “donated” baby foreskin.

An admirable hustle

The results of a HydraFacial treatment are noticeable, though not nearly as bombastic as the “foreskin facial” name implies. The mask apparently contains only trace amounts of said stem cells, since one foreskin is supposedly enough to provide for more than a million HydraFacial treatments. Also, stem cells are by definition exactly the same, no matter which body part they come from. That pretty much bursts the outrage bubble right there—this is only a marketing ploy, and a good one at that.

Ashley Weatherford, the resident narcissist at NY Magazine, underwent the HydraFacial treatment and compared her new-found self to Jennifer Lopez and Beyoncé, both of which led the “single woman” assault on our senses during the ’00s (and the “increasingly irrelevant aging cougar” assault in the 2010s). Ashley also compares herself to a Disney villain, gleeing over the fact that she can now brag about absorbing baby foreskins:

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In reality, the “foreskin facial” mask probably contains just enough stem cells that the customers can’t sue for deception and false advertising, if any at all. Ashley doesn’t know about this nor does she care—she revels in the illusion of power and independence the treatment gave her. Arguably, the attention and care the cosmetic staff gave her during the HydraFacial treatment is the only tangible benefit she got for the money.

Outright savagery

Of course, there is the notion that it is somehow proper to use male body parts for vanity purposes. This very concept is sickening and resembles voodoo practices, whereby all means are allowed as long as they result in a power gain. If the genders were reversed, say a male potency pill made out of ground female clitorises, you could rest assured that even the very idea would cause SJWs to melt Twitter servers with their howls of pain and cause Mrs. Obama to stare her wimpy husband into action.

Unfortunately, this is what it is. We live in such society where males, even babies, are considered disposable and pandering to women and appeasing their vanity has become a necessary part of every political platform. However, the understanding of female egotism can also be incorporated into any business strategy, making it massively successful. Of course, this facial treatment will be publicized widely across Tumblr and similar SJW outlets, based on its name alone, but the treatment also attracts regular women willing to try something exotic.

Women don’t care whether a product actually produces results—as long as they feel it does (and they think their friends believe it), they are willing to pay any asking price. This means that women, above everything else, want to be pampered and given the illusion of youth, power, and independence.

On the other hand, SJWs want to hurt men, no matter how petty or childish the action is. The creator of the “foreskin facial” treatment, evidently knowing all of this, found a way to monetize the SJW man-hate, giving them a false feeling of achievement. SJWs fork over their cash thinking how their pathetic life finally has a purpose while the creator of the treatment laughs all the way to the bank. Now that’s a way to do business.

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