1 THE Beatles have never been on X Factor.

2 THE Beatles might have produced a few alright songs, but they also foisted some right howlers on us, like that walrus rubbish. One Direction’s entire back catalogue is, unarguably, a totally perfect body of work. (OK, they’ve only released one single so far but it is REALLY GOOD.)

3 ONE Direction only became a band after Nicole Scherzinger suggested it on the show. The Beatles became a band without input from any of the Pussycat Dolls. Tedious.

4 THE Beatles rushed to deliver their first album, bashing out ten of the fourteen tracks in just one day. One Direction have spent nearly a whole year on their debut, so it’s obvious which will be the superior recording.

5 WHEN One Direction are apart they always text and tweet “I miss you” to each other. The Beatles didn’t even like each other enough to stay together.

6 ONE Direction call Simon Cowell “Uncle Simon.” John Lennon never even met Simon Cowell!

7 THE Beatles tried other names like Johnny and the Moondogs, Long John and The Beetles and The Silver Beatles before becoming The Beatles. One Direction have always had one direction about being called One Direction.

8 ONE Direction’s Zayn went out with Rebecca Ferguson, who is much classier than Cynthia Lennon. During X Factor, Harry, Liam and Zayn were all linked to the same girl, and this could potentially have ripped the band apart. In other words, Cher Lloyd is their Yoko. Amazing.

9 THE Beatles were famous for their hair. Yet, no Beatle had better hair than Harry Styles, right.

10 ONE Direction are the ambassadors for Pokemon. The selfish old Beatles were only ever ambassadors for themselves.

Update: Polly Hudson responds to the criticisim she received for this column - read it here.