VALLETTA — The lunchtime discussion was polite, the conduct civil, and diplomats from colder climes were delighted to imbibe the Mediterranean sea air. But as Theresa May briefed the men and women who, for now, represent her fellow EU leaders, a very clear parting of the ways was opening up in Malta.

In the lunch briefing on President Donald Trump that formed the centerpiece of her summit schedule, the British prime minister urged Europe to work “patiently and constructively” with the U.S., according to a U.K. official. Confrontation and division, May said, would only play into the hands of those who seek to do Europe harm.

According to one EU diplomat familiar with the discussion, May sought to reassure a room full of leaders anxious about Trump’s intentions that “once the administration starts functioning it will be better.”

Give him time, was the message received.

But during the day EU leaders lined up to suggest Europe does not need advice about Trump or foreign policy and is quite capable of looking after itself. The role of “bridge” between the U.S. and the EU that May wants to play will not be an easy or comfortable one.

"In the future, we have to count on the 27" — Council President Donald Tusk

Asked whether the U.K. could continue to play a special role in transatlantic dialogue, European Council President Donald Tusk — “our Donald” as he is now known at EU summits — had a quick and blunt response at his post-lunch press conference.

“We have no illusions. In the future, we have to count on the 27 because of an obvious reason, it’s because of Brexit,” he said.

Yes, he continued, the U.K. could be helpful in building friendship with America, and yes, there was still a sense of solidarity between the 28. But Europeans are thinking more and more in terms of 27.

“The U.K. cannot represent the U.S … it is Europe that must determine its relation with the U.S.” said François Hollande. The French president began the day asking openly what Trump wanted on NATO. He had either not seen or willfully ignored Downing Street’s message in the U.K. press that May would come to Malta with the message that Trump was “100 per cent” behind the military alliance.

There was a welcome for May’s work in securing that commitment in some quarters. Ambassadors from Nordic and Baltic countries have already expressed their thanks, according to U.K. government sources. But with Trump proving unpredictable, thoughts in Europe have turned to self-reliance.

'In our own hands'

“We must certainly all invest more in our defense capabilities,” Angela Merkel told reporters at the summit, echoing similar sentiments expressed by Hollande. EU leaders had made a “clear commitment” to NATO during their lunchtime discussions, she said, and Trump’s "100 per cent" had been noted as well. But Merkel’s conclusion was clear: “We have our fate in our own hands.”

The German chancellor suggested she was not concerned about May's embrace of Trump. "I think there’s always been a special relationship between Britain and the United States of America," Merkel said, adding: "I’m pleased that Theresa May has said she wants a strong Europe, she repeated that again today."

But she then went on to repeat her message of the day: "We, as the 27, have it in our own hands to determine how strong, how good, how quick and how precise Europe is and how we solve our problems."

Merkel and May chatted as the summit leaders went on a walking tour of Valletta. Downing Street had planned a bilateral meeting. Instead a “lengthy discussion” was held during the informal walk, a U.K. official said. It lasted about 15 minutes, according to a German official.

May chose not to hold a press conference nor to speak to journalists outside the summit. She has invested much political capital in the NATO pledge she secured from Trump, and in comments to the BBC yesterday repeated it as a mantra. Asked if a strong relationship with the U.S. helped or hindered her relations with EU leaders going into the Brexit negotiations, she performed an increasingly familiar balancing act.

“I think that there is no necessity of bridges. Today we are communicating with the United States mainly on Twitter” — Lithuanian President Dalia Grybauskaitė

“I think it’s important that we got the 100 per cent commitment to NATO. Because NATO has been so crucial in keeping the security, protecting the security, not just of the U.K. but also of Europe and will do so in the future,” she said. “When we go into the negotiations what I want to build with the EU is a strong partnership, we want a strong continuing EU and a strong partnership because we are not leaving Europe, we are leaving the EU.”

Other leaders were more arch in suggesting that the fabled special relationship between the U.K. and the U.S. may end up meaning little to the EU.

“I think that there is no necessity of bridges,” said Lithuanian President Dalia Grybauskaitė when asked about May by a BBC journalist outside the summit. “Today we are communicating with the United States mainly on Twitter.”