The Passive-Aggressive Guide to Book Gifting

Hamlet, by William Shakespeare

The perfect gift for: Your mom

What you’re really saying: “Your new boyfriend is not my dad and I’m going to make things very difficult for you.”

Le Morte d’Arthur, by Sir Thomas Malory

The perfect gift for: Your absent father

What you’re really saying: “See what happens when you ignore your kid?”

The Odyssey, by Homer

The perfect gift for: Your boyfriend

What you’re really saying: “You’re always late, and I have other options.”

Never Let Me Go, by Kazuo Ishiguro

The perfect gift for: Your daughter

What you’re really saying: “Stop complaining about your school.” , by Kazuo IshiguroYour daughter“Stop complaining about your school.” My Friend Dahmer, by Derf Backderf

The perfect gift for: Your son

What you’re really saying: “Your current friend is not good. I would like you to find a new friend.” Capital in the Twenty-First Century, by Thomas Picketty

The perfect gift for: Your Ronald Reagan-worshipping stepbrother

What you’re really saying: “After reading a review of this book, I feel it crystalizes what I meant to say when I called you a fascist last Christmas. I pray to the Goddess that this Frenchman’s words ‘trickle down’ deep into the dark crevasse of your prematurely wizened, capitalism-loving soul.” The Lucifer Effect, by Philip Zimbardo

The perfect gift for: Your new boss

What you’re really saying: “This new power is going to your head.” No Exit, by Jean-Paul Sartre

The perfect gift for: You loudmouth coworker

What you’re really saying: “Hell is: other people, generally; you, specifically.” Life in a Medieval Village, by Frances Gies and Joseph Gies

The perfect gift for: Your new intern

What you’re really saying: “Welcome to my fiefdom, peasant.” The Crying of Lot 49, by Thomas Pynchon

The perfect gift for: Your mailman

What you’re really saying: “I know you don’t always deliver all of my mail. There are other mail distributors I can use if you don’t give me that Lands’ End catalog back.” The Yellow Wallpaper, by Charlotte Perkins Gilman

The perfect gift for: Your landlord

What you’re really saying: “Can I paint in here?”