Nobody does impenetrable acronyms to describe obscure functions like the European Union, which mastered the art of complexity long before Facebook invented the "It's complicated" status button.

For six decades, the EU has been spinning a web of sub-branches, agencies and committees across the Continent, from the Baltic to the Greek islands and the Atlantic coast.

Most EU employees, let alone voters, have never heard of these bodies, whose mission statements often evoke Charles Dickens' "Circumlocution Office," which was in charge of advising government departments on "How not to do it."

Here is a POLITICO guided tour of some of the less well-known recesses of the EU maze.

CPVO (Community Plant Variety Office):

Based in Angers, France, a town of 150,000 that is home to the Apocalypse Tapestry and near the Cointreau liqueur factory.

What it does, in its own words: With a staff of 45, the CPVO “encourages innovation in plant varieties by meticulously processing applications for community plant variety rights at affordable costs.”

What that means: It grants intellectual property rights (more than 41,000 times since 1995) to people and companies who breed new plant varieties. It is self-funding, in that the people who use the service pay for it.

GNSSA (European Global Navigation Satellite Systems Agency):

Located in Prague, Czech Republic, with 121 staff. It's set to become a perfect resource for worried fiancées trying to track down their partners after bachelor parties gone awry in the city.

In its own words: “Linking space to user needs” by "designing and enabling services that fully respond to user needs, while continuously improving the European GNSS services and Infrastructure.” The agency's director Carlo des Dorides said at the opening of the Prague office: “Our aim is to become an efficient organization capable of mastering the complexities of a large-scale operational space program, while effectively leveraging the decision making/regulatory context of a European machine driven by 27 member states.” The GNSSA prefers to refer to itself as the GSA.

What that means: GNSSA is one of two bodies, alongside the European Space Agency, that is developing and managing the EU’s rival to the U.S. military’s GPS system, called Galileo. By 2020 Galileo will have 30 satellites and a full service operating. The first Galileo-ready smartphone will hit the market near the end of 2016: the Aquaris X5 Plus smartphone, produced by the Spanish technology company BQ.

CEDEFOP (The European Centre for the Development of Vocational Training):

Based in Thessaloniki, Greece (a country with an unemployment rate of over 25 percent). At least someone in Greece is hiring: CEDEFOP is currently advertising for both "interagency" and "external" staff for its "human resources" team.

In its own words: A CEDEFOP workshop in June this year explored “how employability could attract more jobs in the labor market.” The organization sees itself “at the crossroads between education systems and the world of work.”

What that means: Not much. There's been very little progress on increasing employability and reducing unemployment in the EU, let alone in Greece, where youth unemployment tops 50 percent.

ENISA (European Union Agency for Network and Information Security):

Based in Heraklion on the Greek island of Crete. ENISA was forced to open up a branch office near Athens airport because of the difficulty reaching the main office in a single day from other parts of Europe.

In its own words: “ENISA helps the EU and EU countries to be better equipped and prepared to prevent, detect and respond to information security problems,” according to its website.

What that means: ENISA tries to coordinate EU governments' national cybersecurity strategies. The agency works with military and intelligence agencies on cross-border cybersecurity exercises, though many EU governments are reluctant to engage as much as the agency would like.

EMCDDA (T he European Monitoring Centre for Drugs and Drug Addiction):

Based in Lisbon, where possession of small quantities of most drugs has been decriminalized. Its regular publication "Drugnet" looks at issues such as "The Return of MDMA" (commonly known as ecstasy).

In its own words: The role of EMCDDA “is to gather, analyze and disseminate ‘factual, objective, reliable and comparable information’ on drugs and drug addiction and, in so doing, provide its audiences with a sound and evidence-based picture of the drug phenomenon at European level.”

What that means: Trendspotting in the drug world, helping countries to know if their drug problems are better or worse than average and sharing information on what actually reduces drug addiction. It is not allowed to make policy recommendations.

EIOPA (The European Insurance and Occupational Pensions Authority):

Its 137 staff are based in Frankfurt, Germany, at a cost of €20.6 million a year to run.

Although its publications are nominally in English, they are aimed at specialists: "Where the standard deviation of the loss distribution of type 1 exposures is lower than or equal to 7 percent of the total losses-given-default on all type 1 exposures, the capital requirement for counterparty default risk on type 1 exposures shall be equal to the following ..." We'll spare you the equation.

In its own words: “EIOPA is commissioned to monitor and identify trends, potential risks and vulnerabilities stemming from the micro-prudential level, across borders and across sectors.”

What that means: Identifying problems in the pension and insurance sectors that might cause another financial crisis, or leave pension funds unable to pay out what they owe members.

EU-OSHA (European Agency for Safety and Health and Work):

This agency, based in Bilbao, Spain, seeks to reduce the risks faced in the workplace. It is also good at spawning related acronyms: take ERO (the European Risk Observatory) which predicts where the risks will be and the ESENER (European Enterprise Survey on New and Emerging Risks). The agency has also created Napo, a cartoon character who portrays "safety with a smile" to school students.

In its own words: "We develop, gather and provide reliable and relevant information, analysis and tools to advance knowledge, raise awareness and exchange occupational safety and health (OSH) information and good practice which will serve the needs of those involved in OSH."

What that means: Equipping compliance officers with new ways to annoy managers and CEOs about how to stop workers injuring themselves at work by walking into doors or being irradiated by electromagnetic waves.

Eurofound (The European Foundation for the Improvement of Living and Working Conditions):

Set up in May 1975 to help improve living and working conditions across Europe, Eurofound is based in Loughlinstown, a commuter suburb of Dublin. Its 120 staff produce publications such as "Representativeness of the European social partner organizations: Furniture sector." Its monthly newsletter, in its "Findings in Figures" column, is fond of listing the number of jobs cut or created by companies across Europe.

In its own words: Eurofound contributes to better living conditions "through activities designed to increase and disseminate knowledge likely to assist this development. With this aim in view, the tasks of the Foundation shall be to develop and to pursue ideas on the medium and long-term improvement of living and working conditions in the light of practical experience and to identify factors leading to change."

What that means: Study how people live and work and then tell them how to do it better, while role-modeling 9-to-5 office hours.

EIGE (European Institute for Gender Equality):

Its staff of 48 in Lithuania are tasked with “gender mainstreaming.” This extends even to fishing, which EIGE notes is male-dominated: “Men provide the main labor on board fishing vessels, and the majority of fishing boats and aquaculture farms are owned by men.”

What it does: "EIGE collects, analyzes, processes and disseminates data and information on gender equality issues, whilst at the same time making them comparable, reliable and relevant for the users.

What that means: Catalogues glass ceilings, and provides guides to which policy hammer you need to smash them.

EFCA (European Fisheries Control Agency):

Down near the Portuguese border, in the Galician city of Vigo, there are 57 Eurocrats tasked with enforcing fishing limits. Their most recent project is, however, sponsoring a mural in the city "to emphasize the need to protect our oceans through public art ... as well as building ties with its citizens."

In their own words: "... organize operational coordination of fisheries control and inspection activities by the member states and to assist them to cooperate so as to comply with the rules of the common fisheries policy in order to ensure its effective and uniform application."

What this means in reality: Making sure those 'foreign' fisherman don't steal 'your' mackerel.

The section on EIOPA was updated with 2015 figures on staffing and cost.