Progressive Parents Devastated After Son Comes Out As Straight

OAKVALE, CA—Progressive parents Willow and Arthur Riverstone are reeling after their son Sebastien came out to them as straight.

"This is a bombshell we'll be feeling for the rest of our lives," Arthur told reporters. "I mean, we love our son and we want to support him, but we never thought he'd be one of the straights."

Sebastien, who is fourteen and currently attending Oakvale Highschool as a freshman, broke the news to them last Wednesday when he wanted to invite a girl named Sophia to come over and hang out.

"We were hoping she was at least transgendered, but no dice," said Willow.

"We're still trying to decide if we would attend the wedding if you know... he's serious about this," Arthur said. "I just wasn't prepared for this. We didn't raise him this way. I mean, what's he going to do? Give us grandkids? I don't know how the environment is going to handle this, let alone me and my wife." The man broke down sobbing.

The Riverstones are attending support group meetings for progressive parents affected by their children coming out as straight. "It's helped a little," said Willow. "But the pain is real. You have to accept it and not let it control you."

A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost. Get FREE Access *with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee