Apple Bans "Kama Sutra" from iPhone for Obscenity



As a result of Apple's constant censorship of sexual content, Apple users are slowly forgetting how to mate, like pandas and Vulcans

Apple has banned an application for the iPhone by developer James Montgomerie called "Eucalyptus" that lets people read every "Project Gutenberg" book for ten dollars, banning it on the grounds that one of the books available -- the 2nd century ancient Hindu story known as the "Kama Sutra" -- contains obscene passages.We're not talking about the salacious illustrated sex manual that you giggle at with your pals in Barnes and Noble while sipping a slurpie and wearing a basketball jersey when you are twelve. We're talking about the high-art holy text translated by famed British explorer Sir Richard Burton.Never particularly controversial, the "Kama Sutra" now only comes up as a lame go-to joke that business executives make when people ask them "what position they hold" on a tricky political subject. No one cares about the "Kama Sutra." Generally, it is the ONLY book about sex that tedious religious people have.After initially learning that his product would not be carried by Apple, Montgomerie sent Apple a letter asking "huzzahhow," and received this letter in response:"Dear Mr. Montgomerie,"Thank you for submitting Eucalyptus Ã¢ÂÂ" classic books, to go to the App Store. We've reviewed Eucalyptus Ã¢ÂÂ" classic books, to go and determined that we cannot post this version of your iPhone application to the App Store at this time because it contains explicit content which is in violation of Section 3.3.12 from the iPhone SDK Agreement which states:"Applications must not contain any obscene, pornographic, offensive or defamatory content or materials of any kind (text, graphics, images, photographs, etc.), or other content or materials that in Apple's reasonable judgement may be found objectionable by iPhone or iPod touch users.""Please view the attached screenshots for examples in regards to the objectionable content."Parental Controls have been announced for iPhone OS 3.0. It would be appropriate to resubmit your application for review once this feature is available."And here were the attached screenshots:Are you fucking wet right now? Is all your spongiform tissue hard as glass? Yeah! Butter my lingam with crushed beetles, elephant woman! Rub my parts!Flabbergasted, Montgomerie has petitioned Apple several times for more information about why they have banned his application on these ridiculous grounds. He is most confused because the work in question is already readable on the iPhone in several other capacities, such as by searching for it on Safari or purchasing it through Stanza, eReader, or Amazon's new Kindle app.Apple's high-pressure censorship tactics are working, however, and Montgomerie intends to cave to Apple's policy and manually block the "Kama Sutra" so that he will be able to pass inspection, much in the same way that David Carnoy removed all the profanity from his novel "Knife Music" earlier this year in order to get it approved by Apple."I'm afraid I've currently decided to sell my soul, or at least rent it out for a while, and manually block the Kama Sutra from appearing in Eucalyptus. It may become accessible again in a later version of Eucalyptus when Parental Controls become available. If someone at Apple would like to contact me to let me know that this is unnecessary, and that Eucalyptus will now be treated the same way as other iPhone apps, I would be very happy to hear from them."So why does Apple find the "Kama Sutra" obscene? Is it because it teaches people about clits? Is it because the "Kama Sutra" features Hindus fucking? Can only white people relentlessly write about fucking and have the book be pure?Is everything that white people say bleached by the moral perfection of white skin, and everything that brown people say tainted by animalistic lust and third-world inferiority?What is more "defamatory" than not carrying ancient texts from the world's oldest and richest culture?What is more offensive than saying "we at Apple think it is gross when Hindus fuck, and only enjoy the copulating rituals of Semitic cultures, preferably whitewashed by Nordic existential philosophy?"While it's certainly possible that the censors at Apple are bigoted fascists who are trying to start a war with India, it is more likely they are banning "Eucalyptus" for protectionist reasons as a result of their standing deal with Amazon.Amazon is charging a dollar for every "Project Gutenberg" book, and Montgomerie is trying to give them away for free, only charging people for the reader.So of course he is going to take a beating until they can figure out a way to deal with him.Apple is going to stonewall anybody who undercuts the heavily-leveraged partners that are bringing them more money.Somebody at Apple said:"Send him the 'offensive' letter and see what he does."And right now they are all biting their nails, hoping he doesn't tell anyone.If Montgomerie is smart, he will stop talking to Apple at all and file a lawsuit to get back all the money he is losing right now, seeking triple damages on estimated missed sales.Any person who gives a dollar to Apple and Amazon for a public-domain book right now ought to be giving ten dollars to Montgomerie.And this censorship shit has got to stop.