If you’re a woman and you’re reading this and you ever want to have a threesome, there are just no two better people than Kohli and Yuvraj to have it with, you know, because they screw so well. (In case you want a fourth, contact the author, although we’d leave the other two gentlemen out in that case). Now as much as we are known for being an 18+ website, there are some things that even we are unsure we should be writing about. There are lots of taboo topics and one of them is Gang Rape or ‘saamuhik balaatkar’. I’m not saying we raped Pakistan but if it were capable of being pregnant, it’d have given birth to a whole new country within the day.

It looks like Dhoni read our last article, I mean what other evidence do you put forth for drafting in Sehwag and Balaji and taking out ChawalBhajji (you read that right). For once we go in with the perfect mix of bat and bowl. Yes that includes Rohit Sharma. Why? Well because in case something goes wrong, you need someone to put the blame on and bang we have Rohit for that. So we go in with 4 specialist bowlers hoping Yuvi, Kohli, Sharma and Raina will help make up the fifth bowler.

The second time Dhoni has abided by our words and given him the new ball. Needless to say it worked and Pathan struck in his first over removing Nazir. Remember those ads from quikr.com? I want to sell blahblah, *tosses ball in the air* and I sold blablah? Just insert ‘I want Afridi to get out’ instead of the 'I want to sell blablah’ in that phrase and you’ve reached the answer to how long Afridi batted. Timely breakthroughs courtesy, Yuvraj and Kohli made sure Pakistan’s run rate never took off and the Indian bowlers maintained a foothold on the game at all times. Shoaib Malik’s innings was a quick one. It bodes well for him since his wife; Sania Mirza is a big fan of the aspect herself. His innings don’t last long, her grand slam runs don’t either. Although to be fair to him, he probably had a ‘no sex clause’ hanging on his head in case he performed well against India. Well played Sania bhabhi, well played. With good bowling and even better fielding, Pakistan’s innings was left in tatters.The decision to not play a fifth bowler was backed by the following stat; India bowling Part-timers: 6 overs, 37 for 3. Specialists: 7 overs, 55 for 2. A brilliant display by the bowling line-up ensured Pakistan begged, borrowed and stole runs to make it up to a mockery target of 129. (Ye to hum apne left hand se hi bana lete).

India is the land of the Kama Sutra. We’ve got more than twice the number of ways to fuck than the target set. Really Pakistan, what on earth were you thinking? However, with Gambhir departing early, jitters were sent down the Indian fans. In walked Kohli and literally kehke le li was to be the order of the day. Along with Sehwag stabilized the innings and shortly after Sehwag departed, Kohli showed his true colors. Smashing the Pakistani bowlers all over the ground, he barely put a foot wrong in a master class of an innings. The sheer class and elegance of his shot was a delight to watch and coupled with the wonderful doses of MC, BC, DK Bose from time to time, was an absolute treat to the fans. Along with Yuvi, he led the attack and made sure India crossed the finishing line with overs to spare and boosted the run-rate while at it. The sheer passionate animosity for Pakistan and the will and love to perform for India could be seen in both their eyes with bat, ball and even in the field. Leave them alone with Kasab for an hour in a confined cell and he’d come out with an Indian tattoo on his forehead with ‘Hindustan Zindabad’ captioned below it.

A commanding overall display by the Indian side ensures they’re still in the hunt for a spot in the semis and face the tedious task of derailing the chokers on Tuesday. We’ve kind of become like the Undertaker at Wrestlemania (he’s undefeated at the event for some 20 odd years). India hasn’t lost to Pakistan at a world event since the inception of the beautiful game. Whatever happens on Tuesday, whichever way results go, I think it’s safe to say that for a lot of people who bleed blue, this was as good if not better than bringing the cup home.