* Only those inside houses coated with cow dung escaped the 1984 Bhopal gas tragedy.

* There are only two ways to remain insulated from nuclear radiation, and one of them is application of cow dung.

* Using cow dung can ensure normal delivery instead of C-section.

* Those who drink the milk of jersey cow and buffaloes commit more crime than those who consume only desi cow's milk.

* Only the cow can save mankind; just touching it can stabilise blood pressure.

These among other gems of wisdom were dished out as the Madhya Pradesh government's Cow Protection and Conservation Board inaugurated a national workshop, 'Bharatiya Gauvansh Sanrakshan Va Samvardhan', Monday. Chief Minister Shivraj Singh Chouhan, who inaugurated the workshop, came in for lavish praise and felicitation for his anti-cow slaughter legislation.

"Foreign breeds give only poisoned milk," insisted Sunil Mansingha of Govigyan Anusandhan Kendra Deolpar, Nagpur. "It contains A1 protein, which causes autism, heart attack."

"Marne se bachna hai to gai ki sharan mein aana hoga (To escape death, leave yourself at the mercy of the cow)," said BJP Rajya Sabha MP Meghraj Jain, who once suggested that tractors be pulled by bulls.

Shanker Lal, chief of Akhil Bharatiya Gauseva, said only the cow could help India regain its "primacy", before going on to extolling its dung's powers to protect against nuclear radiation.

Lal also asserted that 10 grams of cow milk ghee equalled 100 tonnes of oxygen, and that children became more obedient if they had cow's milk.

Chouhan said the Madhya Pradesh government would strictly implement the new anti-cow slaughter law and designate special officers in districts to monitor its legal aspects. He added that they had wanted a maximum term of 10 years under the law, but had been forced by the Centre to keep it at seven.

With the legislation authorising authorities to raid on mere "suspicion" of an offence, the chief minister asserted: "The accused will have to prove his innocence."

Animal Husbandry Minister Ajay Vishnoi said every district would set aside Rs 1-2 crore to feed cattle seized during raids.

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