THE SECOND PROLOGUE

CHAPTER TWO: THE SECOND BEGINNINING

[A/N: okay! So it's been a while since the first chapter of the Legend of Leo, hopefully the awesome, epic themes and messages I covered in the first chapter have had plenty of time to sink in, because oh boy is there more to come! You guys are gonna love Leo, trust me, there will come a day soon when November 1st – [andrew's note: and not Halloween apparently lmao, I warned you leo] and November 8th will be known as the Worldwide Leo Days, instead of All Saints' Day and, uh… National Aboriginal Veteran's Day, according to Wikipedia, which is always right. It's helped me out on so many essays, especially the one about reliable encyclopedia sources!]

[Andrew's Editing Note: you can guess how well he's doing in English]

[A/N: without further ado, lets read the reviews of the legend of leo! Let's start with the first one, the first ever review of The Legend of Leo! This one came from… Galaxithea! it reads: "what the heck man". HOLY SHIT GUYS, the first ever reviewer of The Legend of Leo is literally SPEECHLESS!]

[Andrew's note: that's a pretty good start imo] [Steven's note: HIS VOCAL CORDS ARE GONE!]

[A/N: I hope he's ready to never speak again, because the rest of the legend of leo is going to blow him!]

[Andrew's Editing Note: hahahahahaha]

[A/N: next review is from the wattpad version of The Legend of Leo! This one is from AwkwardlyAmpora, which reads: ":33 I like it very much!" ANOTHER AWESOME REVIEW, GUYS! ANDREW, STEVEN, PEOPLE REALLY LIKE THE LEGEND OF LEO!] [andrew's note: I can tell] [Steven's note: SATIM WOULD BE A FUCHSIA MUTANT BLOOD SEA-LAND-DWELLER!]

[A/N: also, everyone, go check out the legend of leo on wattpad! It's the legend of leo, by leogodzalez. The last review I have to talk about comes from ANOTHER LEO… whoaaa]

[andrew's note: shiiit, an impostor leo] [Steven's note: A FAKER LEO!]

[A/N: FAKER?! He's the fake Leo around here. Comparing himself to me? HA! He's… probably decent enough to be my fake. ANYWAY! "yeah my name also happens to be leo but its not important, but its just man, i love your enthusiasm. i love how much you seem to be enjoying this, and i can see it! but if you really wanna get into writing, you gotta know when you communicate your enjoyment and when to be serious. the author's notes are... well, intrusive. they break up the story and ruin the energy, and don't really add much. at first, i thought the character "Leo" just happened to share your name, but with your author's notes, he feels more like a cheap self-insert instead of a fleshed out character. when palutena mentions the biological dad and mom, it... felt really awkward and borderline sinister. i dunno about you, but if i said something like that to my adoptive kid, they would probably be upset that you just casually mentioned their estranged parents. sometimes, you don't have to communicate exposition through dialogue; it can be through subtle actions or nuances. also, don't worry about things like, "He screamed, in a manly way-" since your character is male, we know he's probably not screaming like a girl unless you mentioned it. also, i'm doing my best to communicate everything in a positive way, but... to be honest, you're gonna get negative criticism sometimes, and that's okay! you just gotta learn to take that. but you're doing good so far! you're writing WAY more than most people ever do in their lifetime. just gotta refine your craft is all. good luck!"

[Andrew's Editing Note: hhhhhhh he copied the whole fucking thing-]

[A/N: well, thank you 4 your thoughts, other-leo! I personally believe, like, the author's notes are super helpful for, y'know, helping explain everything and totally getting some valuable insight on the characters and Andrew, steven, and I as people!]

[andrew's note: you literally left a note that said "I don't read yaoi but I know the hands are long and strong"]

[A/N: also leo isn't a self-insert, he just happens to share my looks, my hair color, my height, my personality, my interests, my dislikes, my dogs, most of my game systems, and maybe or maybe not my same crush and same bully? It's purely coincidental. Also I thought all exposition was communicated through dialogue? I watched sword art online and that's how they did it, usually]

[andrew's note: there was also a guy straight up called death gun] [Steven's note: which is one of the inspirations for you-know-who, wink wonk]

[A/N: also about the screaming thing, there's plenty of guys that can scream like a girl. NOT THAT I WOULD KNOW OR HAVE EXPERIENCE, just saying that they are probably out there! Like Nathan. It was totally necessary at the moment to emphasize that leo did not scream like a girl, and probably never will. Unless he has to for like a movie or something.]

[A/N: aaand that's all the reviews! Be sure to leave more, to follow the story, and to share the LEGEND with all of your friends! Without further ado… NOW WE BEGIN AGAIN!]

[A/N: also happy birthday, Lelouch! December 5! And Happy National Sachertorte Day! Dunno what that is, but it'll probably be a character!]]

[***]

MONTPELIER, VERMONT, AMERICA, USA, THE WORLD

OCTOBER 21, 2017

MISSION STREET JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL

A long, relieved sigh escaped Vanessa's lips as she heard the final bell for the day. At long last, the end of the school day had finally come along, and it was time for her to pack up, go home, and do whatever it is Vanessas do except probably be beautiful and do really cool and cute things [A/N: sighhhhh] all day and all night. She rose from her seat, and was almost immediately surrounded by her squadmates Keya, Tex, Carly Rae Jepsen, and, of course, Jessica, who was absolutely totally in the first chapter already.

[andrew's note: what-]

Vanessa demurely cleared her throat and smiled as her friends began chattering amongst themselves.

"Sooooooo, girls, what's on the agenda TONITE?" Tex began, thrusting her arm up in a slightly diagonal position with her finger pointed out but not like a Nazi. "Trick Question, obviously we're gonna go PARTYYYYY!" [Steven's note: I'm a professional, this is how girls talk!]

"It's going to be soooo coooool," Jessica butted in, because she was totally in the first chapter already, her platinum blonde hair bouncing in excitement. Because she was, her hair wasn't sentient anymore, thankfully. "It's gonna be TOTES LIT!"

"Ya know it, gurrrl fam, it's gonna be hype AF!" Tex chimed in, flashing a gang sign because she knew some seriously poppin' street lingo and had been teaching Jessica some stuff.

"I can't WAIT to be invited to the party!" Carly Rae Jepsen exclaimed, clapping in excitement.

[Andrew's Editing Note: wait what— is she, is she waiting to get INVITED? or is she already invited? orrrRRR— WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT I DON'T GET IT AND LEO ISN'T ANSWERING MY TEXTS, LEO PLEASE FIX THIS BEFORE YOU PUBLISH IT]

"You gonna tag along, Bruhnessa?" Keya asked, having now tied her hoodie around her waist. The squad all walked out into the hallway as Vanessa considered her answer.

"Um… well, as much as I would like to, I *really* should help attend to those orphans and cripples I've been helping out recently," Vanessa quietly responded, turning a corner down the hallway to reach her locker. The moment she entered the corridor, every single student begin singing her name in perfect harmony, and more anime bubbles and doves - not Palutena's, luckily - flew through the school.

"Vaaa-ness-aaaaaa~" the entire student body harmonized. [A/N: sighhhhhh]

Vanessa smiled and shyly nodded to everyone as she opened up her locker to grab the rest of her stuff, squadmates close on her heel. "I also need to go donate some money to the poor, help end Teal racism, tend to my blind, crippled, ill sister, find some homeless litters of puppies and kittens and help give them good homes… so, y'know, a usual Friday night for me."

Tex let out an exasperated groan, but affectionately wrapped an arm around Vanessa's waist. "Gurrrl, always so busy with work, work, work, work, WERK! But hey, ya know, none of us think any lesser of you for it."

"Mhm! You're super-duper amazing," Carly Rae Jepsen readily agreed.

"Earnest compliment!" Keya offered.

Vanessa blushed, but not because she was in love… yet [A/N: fore…shadowing? idkkk], but because she felt really honored and humbled to be around such awesome friends, just like Leo was honored to be around his awesome friends every day!

[Andrew's Editing Note: you're pure, leo, sometimes]

"Thanks, girls," Vanessa smiled, her pearly-white smile making her cocoa-colored skin glow. She closed up her locker once she had everything she needed. "But I'll make time for you all tonight if I can, promise! Really, honestly."

"Yesssss," Jessica hissed, pumping her fissst in triumph!

"We'll be expecting ya, homegirl," Tex said, winking and making some finger guns. Vanessa made finger guns right back at her.

"Don't party too hard without me," Vanessa said, giving her friends a very warm goodbye as she prepped her backpack and then set off towards the bus stop.

She was smiling and sighing happily to herself all the way over there. Vanessa was a girl that knew a lot of things, because she was incredibly smart and gifted with intelligence unlike that fool, Nathan Sux [Andrew's note: sigh], but if there was one thing she knew above all others, it's that she was incredibly lucky and incredibly blessed. Blessed with great parents, great friends, great smarts, great looks, a great personality, great emerald-green eyes, great cherry-red hair, great body even though that's obviously not the most important about a woman at all, and a great greatness that surpassed everyone else's greatness in the history of greats. Life could have chosen to be cruel to her, but it decided to instead be cool to her, cool like a Sonic the Hedgehog ice cream sundae.

Vanessa quietly boarded her school bus and bashfully sidled into an open seat as everyone on the bus sang her name, even the bus driver, because boy was she awesome. She opened up Spotify Premium on her phone and turned on some music she thought was cool, probably something like Crush 40, who was one of her favorite singers. [A/N: i like to think she likes crush 40 like I do] In the meantime, she pulled up another screen that showed her remaining schedule for the day.

"4:00 - help feed, care for, and be nice to the orphans and the cripples

4:20 - blaze it [Steven's note: WOKE]

4:30 - go get the donation money from the bank

5:10 - donate that money to the homeless and the poor and the broke

5:41 - sign a bunch of Teal petitions

5:54 - go on puppy patrol, likewise for kitty katrol

6:16 - RISE IN THE NAME OF THE PROPHECY

6:49 - come home for dinner

7:00 - play with, read to, and spend time with sister

8:30 - shake hands with the pope

10:00 - video games?

10:30 - bed by this hour"

Vanessa curiously stroked her chin and her red lips, lost in thought. I suppose I could… reschedule my hand-shaking with the Pope for Sunday, when I'm already going to church? Although, I don't want to be selfish! [A/N: she's totally not she's amazing]

Her thumbs moved across the keypad, typing in: "8:00 - Party?"

I'm sure the Pope will understand… wait, hold on. Her eyes scanned back over the text next to the 6:16 timeslot [Andrew's Editing Note: that's her birthday I think? Huh, dunno if this is clever or weird]… strange. Vanessa didn't remember writing that one in, ever.

Did Tex snatch my phone up again to hack the government? Oh, Tex!

Vanessa's phone quickly buzzed as Crush 40 resonated inside of her earholes. A message from Nathan Sux. Her eyes widened a little with curiosity, though only curiosity, nothing else obviously, why would there be anything else? [A/N: there's not : ( ]

"Hey vanessa r you comin to that shindig tonight? Haha I'm stupid [NATHAN SUX, 3:12 PM]"

Vanessa sighed and tapped out a message. She pitied Nathan because he was dumb and immature, and that's why they were close friends.

"I'll see what I can do! : ) [YOU, 3:13 PM]"

Another message, seconds later, probably because Nathan was super desperate for attention [Andrew's note: jfc leo] [A/N: whaaAaattt?].

"duhhhhhh okay hyuck hyuck [NATHAN SUX, 3:13 PM]" [Andrew's note: HAHAHAHAHAHA never mind we're square leo]

Vanessa sighed and quietly hoped that was the end of the conversation with Sux. She scrolled through her contact list, looking to find someone else to chat with… and then her heart skipped a beat when she saw his name. Right there in the L's… Leo.

Leo Godzalez… her old friend.

Oh my gosh. She hadn't heard from him in so long… it had been an entire 40 minutes since he hadn't texted her back. The long-distance relationship was beginning to have a serious effect on Vanessa's mind [Andrew's note: I]… she wished she could have him back in her arms again—

Vanessa blinked, realizing she was started to space out and daydream again. What are you even thinking about? You're obviously not totally head-over-heels in love with him or anything ridiculous like that… b-baka…

Nevertheless, she flung herself back into daydreaming, looking out the window and sighing nostalgically. I wonder how he's doing… he's probably heroically, awesomely kicking butt like he always does.

[...]

MEANWHILE, IN SKY LANKA…

"OOOOOOOFFFFF," Leo screamed as he got his butt whooped once again by Sonic. He fell on his back, skies of blue and little stars of pain filling his eyesight as he tried to wobble back to his feet.

"Okay, Leo, you're… GETTING BETTER AT NOT GETTING YOUR ASS KICKED AS FREQUENTLY!" Sonic proclaimed, dusting off his oversized gloves. He sighed and paced around the cobblestone walkways of the Sky Lanka Training Palace's lush, oversized gardens. The blue hedgehog ran a hand through his quills and then offered a hand to help Leo up like a best friend would. Leo gasped in surprise and took the hand [A/N: not in a gay way], being helped back into a standing position.

"Wow, thanks bestie!" Leo proclaimed, quickly covering up his numerous bruises with Cool Guy Concealer.

"SURE THING, LEO! That's what friends are for."

Leo spared a glance down the length of the backyard, where he saw Shadow meditating in front of the Training Palace's backyard shoji screen door [Steven's note: THOSE ARE FROM JAPAAAAAANNN]. He was sitting criss cross applesauce, kickass rocket shoes tucked underneath his legs, eyes closed peacefully. Calm, blissful, ambient music was coming out of his Walkman, which seemed so retro that it actually surprised Leo and he made an audibly surprised whoa.

"Surprised whoa…!" said Leo.

Shadow was also calmly cleaning and reloading his Heckler & Koch MP5 sub-machine gun alongside his SIG SG 551 semi-automatic while taking in nature's splendor [A/N: these are guns].

"Focus, Leo!" Sonic reminded, which snapped Leo back to attention. Leo turned stiff as a soldier.

"You're totally right! Focus is the most important thing a warrior should know, next to the values of FRIENDSHIP, HEART, SOUL, TEAMWORK, EVIL, WORLD DOMINATION, AND BELIEVING IN YOURSELF!"

"SOUNDS SOLID TO ME. WAIT, WHAT?"

"WHAT?" Leo began to break out into a totally not-that-obvious sweat.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…Uh, Soni—"

"LET'S RUN THE COURSE ONE MORE TIME!" Sonic immediately proclaimed, performing a double backflip, rolling up into a ball in midair, and then landing down in a perfect standing position, form impeccable.

"OKAY!" Leo chirped, having already forgotten how quickly he'd slid into the darkness back there [A/N: that's probably not going to happen again… haha, I'm kidding, I'm being ironic cause foreshadowing]. He quickly NYOOM'd past Shadow and into the training palace, feet kicking up dust all the way through.

Shadow set his thoroughly-cleaned gun down and sighed in an affectionate manner, standing up and folding his arms, with an amused-but-proud smile on his face. Sonic did the exact same thing except bluer.

"He's growing up so quickly," said Shadow.

"Ain't he just?" Sonic sighed, taking a moment to wipe a proud tear away from his eye. "These past seven days, they've just—just FLOWN BY!"

"I know, Sonic, I know," Shadow offered him a consoling bro hog—hug, but specifically a bro hog, because they're not gay, they're just best friends and they sleep in the same bunk together that way Leo could have the top bunk, because being on the top bunk made Leo feel like he was on top of the world. [Andrew's Editing Note: is there—there's something fundamentally wrong with this paragraph, I just can't decipher exactly… what]

"Time has a funny way of doing that, huh?" Shadow questioned, pulling his cellphone out from his pock—his pocke—his… pock… ets? ? [Andrew's Note: uhhhhhhhhhhh] [Steven's Note: UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH] [A/N: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA]

"INDEED IT DOES!"

"I better get going, Sonic. I'm late for my 80's aerobics class with the other Shadows."

"Pshhhhh, Shadowwwwwww, you're the master of time and space, how could you be laaaate?! Haha!" Sonic joked, lightly punching Shadow's arm, light enough to dislocate his shoulder.

Shadow cheekily smirked, screaming as he snapped his shoulder bone back into place. "AAAAAAAAA—I know. It's just a prank us Shadows like to pull."

"HAHA, TIME TRAVEL JOKE. I'll take over from here, Shadow, don't you worry!"

"Don't forget to feed and water him, and take him out for at least 3 or 4 walks a day," Shadow reminded as he walked back into the foyer to look for his red-black leotard [Andrew's note: please draw fanart of this] [A/N: DARK LEO FANART!].

"I'LL MAKE SURE HE DOESN'T EAT THE OTTOMAN AGAIN, HOMIE," Sonic insisted, like a cooldude.

"Good. Chaos Control," Shadow then proceeded to vanishhhhhhhhhhh.

"I'm way past cool," Sonic proudly muttered to himself, grabbing a can of Crush 40 Soda from the fridge in the Palace's foyer before blasting out into the frontal cortex [Andrew's Editing Note: kek] to go find Leo.

Leo was busying himself with admiring the unblemished natural beauty that was Sky Lanka. Leo had never seen a more beautiful place in all of his life! And he'd seen the sun kissing the tip [A/N: not in a weird way] of the Green Mountains at dawn. He could see the absolutely enormous Blue Moon, almost concealed by long rows of billowing clouds, smack dab in the center of his point of view; he could also see the smaller Purple Moon hanging off in the corner of the skybox. Spotted throughout the sky world were a huge collection of floating islands and archipegaloes and islets and houses and waterfalls that were probably filling the oceans in the world after the horrible Drought of '96 when a mysterious stranger stole all the water from the Mediterranean Sea, and all the salt from the Dead Sea [Steven's note: the sea from which SATIM WAS BORNNNN]. There were also a bunch of what looked like ruins scattered around the airspace, with crumbling pillars and marble floors and ATM machines.

Leo noticed these ruins all had long, narrow, gold chains poking out from its underside; the chains stretched all the way below the clouds and probably even further.

"Whoa, I'm just now noticing these…!" Leo marveled. He peered down over the edge of Palace Isle to examine the chains before he was quickly suplexed by Sonic.

"DYNAMIC ENTRANCE!" screamed he.

"AAAAAAAAAA—" Leo was quickly thrown into a nearby fountain, where he awesomely recovered thanks to all the training he'd been receiving from Sonic and Shadow. [Andrew's note: offscreen, in case you didn't notice]

"GOOD REFLEXES, LEO! BUT WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT GOING TO THE EDGE?"

"That the edge is cool?" Leo asked, with a gravelly, dramatic voice, fire burning in his eyes.

"WHAT?" Sonic took a step back in shock.

"Whaaa?" Leo blinked, back to his normal voice [A/N: which is still pretty cool!].

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Bellowed the demon within Leo's head, whom he'd taken to calling… Dark Leo! [A/N: YES!] [Steven's Note: YES] [Andrew's note: no] He quickly grasped his curly afro and squeezed his eyes shut.

Nooooooo, why did you make me say that?

BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU WANTED TO SAY IT.

No I didn't!

YES YOU DID!

No I didn't!

YES YOU DID!

No!

YES!

Nuh-huh!

YUH-HUH!

No U!

NUHHH, YOU

[Andrew's Editing Note: cutting this off here, the original cut was 12 pages long]

Begone, thot! I'm trying to become the ultimate hero here and make my best friends proud of me!

YOU BEGONE.

No YOU—

ONE OF THE VOICES IN MY OWN HEAD CALLED ANDREW IS ORDERING ME TO STOP THIS NONSENSE [Andrew's note: at least Dark Leo listens to me]. YOU GOT LUCKY, FOOL. MUAHAHAHAHAHA-!

"LEO!"

Leo nearly tripped on his Converse when he homed back in on reality again, Sonic's voice pulling him out of the dark. "Uhhhh-!"

"You alright, man?!"

"I WAS HAVING MY PERIOD, SORRY!"

"YOUR WHAT-"

"Let's get back to work!" Leo hastily recovered, pumping his fist, trying to pretend this wasn't bothering him.

IT TOTALLY IS, FOOOOOOL.

Go awayyyyyyyyyyy, you're embarrassing me in front of all the other voices in my head!

I Dunno, Dude, I Think This Evil Guy's Pretty Cool.

ya totallyyyyyyy

Y0u 5h0u1d t0t411y 1i5t3n 2 him, duuuuuuud3!

No! Leo listens to-

NOBODY EXCEPT HIMSELF!

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

EVIL LAUGH!

"Okay!" Sonic said, happily ignoring the mental showdown going on in Leo's head [Andrew's note: why am I not surprised again?]. He pulled out a switch from his… pock—he picked up a switch from off the ground and pressed the big red button, which immediately turned the royal-looking training palace into an EXERCISE COURSE OF DEATH AND FRIENDSHIP! Elaborate, complex-looking devices and bridges and smidges and slides and platforms and racetracks all popped up out of panels that were placed in the ground but hidden beneath a bunch of vines, that way the Sky Pirates wouldn't have any reason to steal anything, and so the Sky Police wouldn't suspect any terrorist motives [A/N: that's super clever thanks Andrew].

"That's always so cool to look at," Leo remarked, folding his arms as he looked over the course. "Hey, I didn't notice the firey slip-n-slides! Are those a new addition?"

"YUP! WE FINALLY PAID OFF OUR MORTGAGE AND COULD AFFORD SOME OF THOSE!" Sonic proclaimed, who began speeding up a watchtower that stood over the nearby garden; he stood on the railing of the walkway, proudly demonstrating the awesome sense of balance that Leo had yet to master because he wasn't a Gary Stu yet [Andrew's Editing Note: B)] [Steven's note: Who's Gary?].

Man… nobody's beaten Sonic's record yet! Even Shadow's in second place, and I'm in second second place.

"ALRIGHT, LEO! YOU KNOW HOW THIS IS GOING TO GO!" Sonic belted. "BUT FOR THE READERS, I'M GONNA RUN THROUGH IT ONE MORE COTTON-PICKIN' TIME!"

"YOU GOT IT, SONIC!"

"FIRST, YOU WILL RACE THROUGH THE 500-METER TRACK A TOTAL OF 11 TIMES, TO DEMONSTRATE YOUR…?"

"SPEED!" Leo yelled back, excitedly looking at the brown-ish, circular racing track [A/N: we have one of these at my school and we all like to run on this at gym even though Steven gets asthma!] [Steven's note: WHEEEEEZE]

"CORRRRRRRRRRRECT! AND THEN, FROM THENCE, YOU WILL PROCEED TO GLIDE ACROSS THE SLIP N' SLIDE COURSE IN A ZEN POSE WHILE JUGGLING FOUR COPIES OF SEGA SUPERSTARS TENNIS AND AVOIDING THE POOCH CANNONS, IN ORDER TO DEMONSTRATE YOUR…?"

"Uhhh… BALANCE!" [Andrew's note: why sega superstars—wait, I think I understand, never mind] [A/N: seeee? I knew where that was going! Totally, haha]

"DING DING DING!"

"Did you call my name?" Evil Ding asked, smoking a cigarette. [A/N: OneyPlays!]

"GET THE HECK OUTTA HERE, YOU VILLAIN, AND HAVE A NICE DAY, TOO!" Sonic yelled.

"YEAH, YOU DON'T WIN WAR WITH EVIL 45% OF THE TIME!" screamed Leo.

"WHAT?" replied Sonic and Evil Ding at the same time.

"…79 PERCENT!"

"MUCH BETTER," Sonic bellowed as Evil Ding left the Watchtower. "AFTERWARDS, YOU WILL SPRINT UP THE BROADCAST TOWER, INTO THE REIQUARIUM, IN THROUGH THE OUT DOOR, OUT THROUGH THE OUT DOOR, UP AND DOWN AND ALL AROUND, AND THEN HAVE JUST ENOUGH TIME TO VISIT THE PRESIDENT, WHOM YOU WILL THEN PROCEED TO…?"

"MURDER?" yelled Leo. Wait! No! Demon stoooopp! "I MEAN… MURDER WITH AN AWESOME HIGH-FIVE! FIGURATIVELY!"

"BINGO, LEO! AND THEN YOU WILL CHAOS CONTROL BACK INTO SKY LANKA, WHERE YOU WILL GO ON THE SMUGGLERS' NOTCH OF DOOM [Andrew's note: holy FUCK THAT PLACE IS LIT] [A/N: WE ALL NEED TO GO AGAIN OH MY GOD] [Steven's Note: YUSSSS] AND DOWN THE HYPERSPEED WATER SLIDE, WHERE YOU THEN BE DEPOSITED IN THE AQUATIC LAB AND FIGHT OFF THE EXPERIMENTAL CHAOS CREATURES, AND THEN YOU'LL HOP A RIDE IN THE LAZY RAGING RAPIDS RIVERS OF LEO, WHICH WILL DEPOSIT YOU ONTO THE VINE BRIDGE, WHICH WILL MAKE YOU SUFFER THROUGH HOURS OF VINE COMPILATIONS TO TEST YOUR RESOLVE!"

"The horror…" Leo whispered to himself. He didn't know how Sonic and Shadow could handle it [Andrew's note: me neither].

"YOU WILL THEN CAPTURE THE ORCA WITH YOUR HAT, RIDE HIM INTO THE SUNSET, HOP INTO THE INSANOFLEX, PERFORM THE ULTIMATE GUITAR SOLO OF LIFE AND DEATH, GO THROUGH THE GUN-N-RUN GALLERY, RESPECT WOMEN, AND THEN FINALLY PERFORM THE FINAL CHASE, WHERE YOU WILL SPRINT UP TO THE ARK WHILE THE SUN UNDERGOES A SUPERNOVA FIVE TIMES IN A ROW, BOUNCING OFF THE PURPLE MOON TO GIVE YOU ENTRY INTO THE SPACE COLONY ARK'S LANDING BAY… WHERE YOU WILL THEN TAKE A TAXI RIDE HOME TO SEE YOUR RESULTS!"

[Steven's note: I actually have the World Record on this track, I was just invisible when I was doing it]

"Got it, Leo?!" Sonic shouted one last time, taking a moment to down a whole bottle of water.

"I CAN DO ALL THAT, ESPECIALLY THE PARTS ABOUT RESPECTING WOMEN AND ALL THE OTHER PARTS WHERE I DO AWESOME THINGS!"

"RADICAL! You Freddie, Leo?!"

"Spaghetti!" Leo affirmed.

"The timer will start the moment you hit the race track!"

A big, deep, final breath, then: "I CAN DO THIS! LEO… PUNCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Leo proceeded to hit the ground running!

[...]

BRITANNIA, BRITANNIA

THE BAD FUTURE, CERCA 2039

THE VT-5A EXPRESSWAY

While most days of Qqoryu's life were pain, tonight was especially painful. The operation was supposed to be an easy one, a pretty typical raid on one of EvilPanda's many demented, trap-filled factories – it was like doing the dishes or getting the groceries, or at least what getting groceries used to be like before EvilPanda turned all the grocery stores in the world into minefields. But what he and his crew found surprised even the most cynical of the rebels. They found Walkmans.

And not just any regular old Walkmans… but Fluorescent Walkmans.

Clearly, these were dangerous and not meant to be toyed with by EvilPanda's army, so the rebels bundled up as much as they could from the wrecked factory and fled into their RV-Kart's, which were RV's with golf carts mounted into the sides of the RV [Andrew's note: thanks for explaining that, also what the fuck] [Steven's note: GOLF CARTS ARE THE BEST THANK YOU LEO!]. It used to be that just RV's and Golf Cart's individually were the common mode of transportation in Britannia, but then EvilPanda demanded that all factories combine the two so that it would be horrifically inconvenient for everybody.

But this was just another day for Qqoryu. Still, he wouldn't have minded not having bullets and explosive firing at his RV from all directions. He also would have preferred there not be a horrible rainstorm going on during all this.

"Quick, take the exit on the left!" shouted Tab, a revolutionary that was always wearing a teal jumpsuit and a cobalt beanie that was constantly pulled over his eyes because he is actually blind [Andrew's note: *snort*].

"You sure about that, boy?" Qqoryu managed to ask, albeit slowly and with a lot of pain, his voice sounding like a mix between a hoarse Rottweiler and a dying old man [Steven's Note: how can rottweilers be hoarse if they're DOGSS? HAAAA].

"The map never lies!" Tab insisted, looking at his red-marked map upside down. "Beat it!"

"Ohhhhh, gotta ghooooost; hang on tight, kids!" shouted Qqoryu. A grenade exploded dangerously close to the RV-Kart as Qqoryu swerved into a hard left, the RV tilting hard like in Mario Kart, the neon lights a blur in the sky as they raced closer into the city.

One of the police pods on Qqoryu's trail wasn't expecting Qqoryu's sudden turn, and they braked hard in an attempt to reverse and turn, but another pod behind them quickly rammed into them, causing fizzes and sparks to go flying.

A little further behind those pods, Mii Force B yelped in her own vehicle as she saw those squadrons collide, quickly tapping her own driver. "Hook a hard left! They're trying to escape through the tunnels, I just know it."

"Awww YEAH baby, you got it," B.D. Joe [A/N: her driver, also he's from CRRAAAZZY TAXIIII] said, quickly flailing his hands on the steering wheel and flooring it into the Exit Lane.

"Thank you, you sexy mothe—erm, I mean… respectable, hopefully single, human being," Mii Force B corrected herself, picking up her walkie-talkie with her Hand-Gun [Andrew's Editing Note: …so it's a gun, right?]. "Vertibird squadron! They're heading for the tunnels off of the VT-5A! Make sure they don't get away!"

The rain continued to pour down in heavy, heavy bursts as Qqoryu slid onto Tunnel Street, the well-lit tunnels about a mile or two in the distance from where he was. He barely managed to skid the RV-Kart into an appropriate lane, cutting off at least three or four civilians that just wanted to go to their daily jobs of being EvilPanda's eternal slaves [A/N: it's br00tal guys].

Everyone in the vehicle jumped as Qqoryu kept on flooring it, the confiscated Walkmans rattling. "You boys okay back there?!" Qqoryu yelled, although it sounded like a painful whisper.

The three hooded men in question all winced, loading up their weapons and huddled against the couches in the back.

"This is fuckin' worse than American Truck Simulator," the brown-haired, beanie-clad man complained, shaking with PTSD, Post-Truck Stress Disorder. This man was Oney [A/N: ONEYPLAYSSS! Happy National Puhskinti Day everyone!] [Andrew's note: leo that was a week ago], and he and his friends had seen more than enough war for a lifetime.

"I've seen more than enough war for a lifetime," the thicc bearded man whose name was Julian said, hanging his head low and saluting with his gun against his head. "Me and me glass eye." [Andrew's note: oh, he's a pirate now, lmao]

"I thought Let's Players and YouTubers destroying my home planet was enough, but this…" the alien rabbid known as Ding Dong, short for DingDongVG, just shook his head. "Why won't God let us die?"

"Because EvilPanda made us IMMORTAL, Ding Dong!" Oney insisted, grasping his shotgun, his eyes wide and angry. "She AND Julian's dad both did it!"

"I know what she did, Chris, you DON'T HAVE TO EXPOSIT INFORMATION IN FRONT OF MY FACE ALL THE TIME!" Ding Dong retorted back, readying his rifle and getting ready to fight with Oney until they heard the sounds of bullets grazing the RV's exterior.

"Mateys, we don't have the luxury of time ta bicker away, argh!" Julian insisted, hopping in-between the two and raising his sniper rifle for effect. "Whatever ye troubles are with each-other, lads, they be nothing compared to our troubles with thar lubberin' EvilPanda! Parley and make up, now!"

"Okay, FINE! I'm sorry for funni screaming in your face, Ding Dong," Oney muttered, folding his arms.

"I'm sorry for breaking the fourth wall, Chris, I should have known that would hurt your feelings…" Ding Dong said back, frowning.

"No-homo bro hug?" Oney offered, opening his arms.

"No-homo bro hug." [Andrew's note: this is riveting conflict leo] [A/N: I know! I was on the edge of my seat]

[A/N: also, Chapterly Question! Who is your favorite member of OneyPlays and what's your favorite episode? I liked it when they did sonic adventure 2, especially when they cheered once Sonic came on the screen before City Escape, because I do that all the time too!]

They were about to do that before they were rudely interrupted by an explosive rocket that rammed into the back of the RV-Kart, causing everyone to jump and fall over. Ding Dong scrambled to his feet and peered out the window, seeing the smoke trail of a fired Vertibird rocket in the sky over all the rain plastered on the glass. There were Vertibirds everywhere.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA, I LOVE THIS JOB!" shouted one of the Vertibird pilots, with a baritone voice.

"YEA, WE ABOUTA FUCK THEM UP, LEMME AT 'EM!" screamed another one, with a high-pitched voice.

"I HEARD ALL THAT, BECAUSE MY EARS ARE COMPENSATING FOR MY LACK OF SIGHT, YO!" Tab yelled, throwing his arms in front of him and crossing them like a cool dude.

"THAT'S REALLY CONVENIENT AND RADICAL!" Ding Dong shouted back, turning to his crew. "Qqoryu, what the hell are we gonna do?"

"Let 'em eat lead!" Qqoryu ordered.

"THAT BE A SOLID STRATEGY!" Julian yelled. He, Oney, and Ding Dong all got into positions at different sides of the RV windows, kneeling on the couch cushions to give them some extra height.

"I'll handle all the fuckers on the right, Ding Dong!" Chris said, kicking down the glass window and firing at the Vertibirds as they started to close in, sniping them with his awesome-looking shotgun [Andrew's note: HOW DOES THAT WORK] [A/N: I played Shadow, Andrew, I know how guns work!].

"I got the left and the back! Julian, take the turrets on the Golf Carts!" Ding Dong said, gesturing to the small, caved staircases at the sides of the RV-Kart. "Your glass eye will create a lens flare and blind them!"

"DESPITE THERE BEING NO SUN AND THUSLY NO LENS FLARE, I HEARTILY AGREE WITH THAT PLAN, ARGGGHH!" [Andrew's Editing Note: a good edit i made i'd say] Julian hopped into position, kicking down the door near the staircase, hopping onto the front seat of the shaking, jittering Golf Cart on the left, which was lighting up with yellow light as Ding Dong sustained fire. He assumed an awesome-looking pose, and began to shine his glass eye up into the sky in the direction of the Vertibirds, fiddling with the glass with his fingers. He began to spin and twirl in a circle, making the flare shine all around the place like a searchlight. [A/N: nananananananaBATMON]

Up above, the Vertibird pilots screamed and began to violently swerve around. Julian then barrel-rolled into the turret and let out numerous screams as his 'Nam 11 memories came flashing back, bullets flying from the turret's pointy thing [Andrew's Note: barrel, also… 'Nam eleven?] [A/N: just wait! It'll make sense i promise] and up into the gray sky.

"OW OW OW OW BULLETS!" screamed the deep-voiced one.

"OW OW OW ME FUCKIN' EYE, DAWG!" screamed the chipmunk-sounding one in unison.

"We got company on our six, which means our ass!" Qqoryu said, glancing in his rearview mirror; he saw the black and gold lights of EvilPanda's police pods hot on their trails, some of which began opening fire on them.

"THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR GIVING US BUBSY!" Ding Dong screamed, mowing down some of the poor suckers in the pods.

"We're almost to the tunnels, boys, just keep up the good work!" Qqoryu called over all the gunfire, reaching for his walkie-talkie and feeling about a million muscles collapse as he did so. "Lelo—er, Red Light, come in, do you read me?"

"That withering voice is unmistakable," said the synthesized voice that came out of the radio. "Status report, Q-1. Do you have the package?"

"Not just any Walkmans, buddy—Red Light, sir," Qqoryu groaned. "…Fluorescent Walkmans."

"FLUORESCENT WALKMANS?!" Red Light roared.

"With an LCD TV, sir."

"Curses…! I knew this day would come."

"What do they mean? These things are beyond my kin."

"I can't tell you that… not yet!"

"But why not?"

"Because I'm being… cryptic…" Red Light's fake voice suddenly had a bunch of echo added to it, so it sounded like cryptic, cryptic, cryptic… [Andrew's note: I think the readers know what that means leo] [Steven's Note: -leo, leo, leo…]

"Ohhh, okay."

"Advance into the tunnels! Don't let them gain on you, and especially don't let them harm the Walkmans in any way! Deploy colored smoke and deploy the cargo!"

"You got it, homie—boss," Qqoryu breathed, quickly craning his neck and damn near snapping it in the process, his thick eyebrows narrowing. "Release the pussy!" [Andrew's Note: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA] [Steven's Note: FUNNY JOOOKEEE] [A/N: i don't get it]

"PUSSY DEPLOYED, SIR!" Oney saluted, moving from his firing path to grab two silver cases, kick open the door in the back, and then throw them out. "DJANGO, SUSHI, GO FUCK 'EM UP!"

The silver cases hit the wet concrete, and from the boxes popped out two cats, with sharpened claws.

"WOOF!" Django and Sushi said in unison, sharpening their claws and leaping towards the sky at the pilots.

"Yo, Leroy, check it out, it's a couple of dogs!" the baritonal pilot yelled, swerving his Vertibird in a 180 degree circle [A/N: I know how helicopters work, I've played Halo before] to face the incoming cats.

"WHOA, DOGS?!" Leroy the high-pitched pilot [Steven's Note: that should be a book] also craned his Vertibird to face the cats, causing his dynamite-laserbeam shot to go wide. "I LOVE DO-HHH SHIT TIDDIES BITCH-!" The glass shattered and Leroy's face was soon a mess of claws and blood and fur and other stuff that happens to you when you get clawed in the face by cats [A/N: I've never been clawed in the face, and I'd rather not find out]. "CARLUCCI, HELP ME!"

"Fuck you say-? OH NOOM JNSFHBVYDS" Carlucci was about to eject Leroy from his cockpit before he was interrupted by the unmistakable feeling of a cat tearing up his face; the cockpit glass was destroyed. "OW, THE PIT OF MY COCK, AND THE COCK OF MY PIT!"

The Vertibirds began to twist and turn and loop-de-loop in distraction, which gave Qqoryu and his crew just enough time to head right into the tunnel. Soon, the rain and bullets and fire and rockets and gray skies were replaced by rain and bullets and fire and rockets and a warm, cool-looking, orange-lit tunnel!

Everyone in the RV-Kart took a deep breath. "Yaaaaaaaaaayyyy," Qqoryu wheezed, twitching his mouth into a pained, open smile [Andrew's note: I like this guy; also how the hell do you pronounce his name?] [A/N: Qqoryu!] [Andrew's note: okay, i got it, but… the readers can't see that, also STOP WRITING EVERYTHING WE SAY] [Steven's Note: DON'T STOP]

"That was fucking BALLER!" Tab yelled, drumming on the glove compartment.

"FUNNY SCREAM, EVERYONE!" Oney proclaimed. He, Ding Dong, and Julian all bumped fist like Sonic Heroes and then proceeded to scream and/or wheeze at the top of their lungs. [Andrew's note: if this isn't a fucking oneyplays episode I don't even know what is; also if you guys are reading this love you, you're my homie ding dong] [A/N: I'M A BIG FAN OF LEO AND SATAN!] [Steven's Note: I LIKE THE SATAN PART, ALSO I WHEEZE JUST LIKE JULIAN!]

Qqoryu laughed out a few coughs and then looked at himself in the mirror to see if he had any wounds. Qqoryu had been known for his very… unique face. In addition to having dark freckles, a tidy, super-short black haircut, and very thicc eyebrows, thicc enough to be black caterpillars [A/N: but not in a racist way], his small eyes, mouth, and high forehead were almost always bent in a way that made him look both incredibly young and incredibly old; in addition, he always looked like he was smiling, crying, laughing, and groaning in pain, all at the exact same time. [Steven's Note: this guy sounds like a work of art!] [Andrew's note: he sounds like he's dying adios mio]

Of course, Qqoryu already knew all this, he just liked to remind himself of what he looked like, constantly.

"We're almost home-free, everybody!" Qqoryu wheezed, glancing back at the Let's Players and revolutionaries in the back. "Hopefully nothing gets in our way!"

…

…

…

[Andrew's Note: …]

[A/N: tensionnnnnn]

…

...

They kept driving, and absolutely nothing got in their way. The sirens were a distant memory by this point.

"As my good buddy Staples says… that was moderately simple!" Oney chimed in.

KABOOM! The RV-Kart suddenly slammed to a stop, and the ceiling of the tunnel in front of the revolutionaries suddenly collapsed onto the floor. Rain began to pour in from the hole in the ceiling, and in swooped a Vertibird helicopter, turrets raised.

"Ope," Qqoryu muttered.

"Ay homes lmao," the female pilot said over her loudspeakers. The turrets began to spin up, and they opened fire on the RV-Kart, bullets smacking it everywhere.

"HIT THE DECK!" Ding Dong yelled. Everyone ducked save for Qqoryu, who floored it. The thoroughly messed-up RV-Kart quickly slid underneath the underside of the Vertibird, and then zoomed its way back down the tunnel. Qqoryu was tightly clenching the wheel when he noticed he'd been shot, in his chest and along his arms. He shouted in surprise.

In the back, Julian made a mad dash for the Walkmans stored beneath the couch cushions as Oney and Ding Dong began firing and tossing explosives out the windows at the Vertibird, who had already turned around and was hot on their trail, yet again.

The RV-Kart began to turn dangerously close to the helicopter's line of fire when Qqoryu started to feel the effects of getting shot. "I'm in no condition to drive…! Tab, take over for me!"

"RIGHT ON!" The two of them did some really cool somersaults, Qqoryu rolling into the passenger seat and Tab sliding into the driver's seat. Qqoryu reached under the seat and pulled out a huge lock-on rocket launcher.

"Tabioca, my dear boy, keep it steady!" [Steven's note: HAHAAHA, that name sounds like a giiirrll's] Qqoryu shouted as he leaned out the window, preparing to aim at the 'copter, which was gaining on them.

"YOU GOT IT!"

The RV-Kart slammed into a wall off to the side of the tunnel roadway. Qqoryu was flung from the passenger window. The back-doors were swung open as well, causing Julian to fall out, a thick sack in his hands as he blubbered onto the concrete. Tab was sprawled against the driver's seat and Oney and Ding Dong had both hit the fridge in the back.

"Are you fuckin' KIDDING ME?" Oney groaned, stammering to his feet. He was helping the groggy Ding Dong up when he saw the cabin catch fire.

"...I hate Mondays," Ding Dong groaned. He grabbed Oney and then YEET'd out of the RV-Kart right as it exploded. The explosion pushed them forward in mid-air, and they screamed as they hit the ground right next to Julian, an audible "OOF" coming out from Oney. The explosion had caused Tab to go flying as well, and he hit the ground next to the dazed Qqoryu, his everything in pain.

"Why?" Qqoryu whispered, patting the ground for his rocket launcher like it was a lost contact [Andrew's note: me too buddy] [A/N: he's super relatable that's why I gave him a simple name].

"BITCH, I'M BLIND, WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GONNA HAPPEN?" Tab protested.

The Vertibird flew right over their heads and then skidded to a mid-air halt about a dozen or two meters away from the group of wounded revolutionaries.

"Helicopters shouldn't BE IN TUNNELS, YA CRIMINAL!" Oney shouted, clutching his ragged clothes.

"ARR, THAT BE ILLEGAL!" Julian shouted, re-adjusting his glass eye.

"I uphold the law, bitchass, I don't care about following it!" The female pilot smirked from behind the cockpit and began to power up her dynamite laserbeams. "Any last words?"

"Choke on a Toblerone," Ding Dong grunted, with an edgy voice [A/N: it makes sense that they're edgy, this is the bad future].

"CALL ME DADDY," Tab declared, folding his arms and glaring at the helicopter even though you can't see his eyes and he was facing away from it.

"I got nothing to say to you even though I just said it," Oney said, grinding his teeth.

"Arrrrrrrrgghhh," argh'd Julian.

Qqoryu just shrugged.

"Well, let's get this party started, then!" the female pilot shouted. Immediately after she said that, the loudspeakers came on in the tunnel, and a very dramatic, very fabulous, manly voice echoed throughout, with these words:

"Let's."

Suddenly, a bunch of silver turrets popped out from the ground, walls, and ceiling panels of the tunnel! They created a huge circle around the Vertibird, and they began firing one-by-one as they appeared from the ground. The pilot barely had any time to react before the bullets punctured the heavy metal [A/N: rock on!] of the helicopter. It was so loud and so proud that even Qqoryu had to plug his ears and look away from the bright, flashing turrets.

"HOLY SHIT!" Oney screamed.

The Vertibird exploded, and turned into a bunch of debris and twisted metal as it fell to the floor in front of the rebels. Everyone looked at this in genuine surprise.

"..."

"..."

"...GNARLY," whispered Tab.

The rebels then heard the distinctive pop of what sounded like four of five smoke bombs up ahead. Everybody grabbed whatever weapon they could find lying on the floor and aimed them in the direction of the smoke, totally ready for anything. The smoke began to fill the tunnel, even covering up the corpse of the helicopter, and then the only thing that anyone could see was just a bunch of smoke.

"All I see is a bunch of smoke!" Oney shouted.

"Stay woke, everyone," Qqoryu said, squinting into the smoke. For some reason, he didn't feel like he was in danger [Steven's Note: I think I know where this is going!].

There was silence for a while after that, and then… the sounds of footsteps. One after the other. Click, clack, click, clack, click, clack, step, turn, spin, heel, flip, twirl, whoosh, click, clack, click, clack. The footsteps came closer.

"It be an evil pair of shoes?" Julian hypothesized.

"Game Theory?" Ding Dong questioned, his face turning into a Thinking Emoji [Andrew's Note: this is a cursed story].

"THIS IS NO THEORY!" boomed a very familiar, very dramatic, very fabulous voice.

Everyone except for Qqoryu gasped and their eyes were instinctively drawn to the broken Vertibird. The smoke began to clear away… revealing a thin, singular figure standing atop one of the destroyed propellers, with long, flowing black hair, a long, flowing purple outfit, and long, flowing legs. And arms. Very long legs and arms, like orangutan lengths.

[Andrew's note: oh yeah I definitely know who this is now]

He stood there, silently, standing tall and proud over the corpse of his defeated enemy. And then, he opened his eyes. One of them was purple… and the OTHER WAS RED!

"Oh my GOD-" Ding Dong started.

"IT'S THE COMMANDER!" Oney finished, flailing his arms around in excitement.

"It be the urban legend himself!" Julian remarked in surprise.

"THAT'S STRAIGHT UP WACK BONKERS, YO!" Tab screamed.

Qqoryu just smiled to himself. It was about time his best friend had arrived.

The Commander raised one of his long, lanky arms and proceeded to say something that would have been powerful and cool and kickass, but he unfortunately lost his balance and then fell off the propeller, repeatedly slamming his body on the wings of the helicopter before falling onto the floor, rolling around repeatedly.

After a second of not moving, he then stood up and shot both of his arms out, making a fabulous pose. "I meant to do that!" he proclaimed, dramatically.

"Excellent timing as always, Lelouch," Qqoryu chuckled, wincing with the effort.

"Timing will be irrelevant with these incredible contraptions, Vice Commander Qqoryu," Lelouch stated, pointing his index finger at Julian's sack. The one that he was carrying on his back, not… uh… you-you get it.

"How powerful are they?"

"You'll be debriefed at the base," said Lelouch, flipping his long, black locks. "We can't waste any more time here, otherwise the Mii Forces will find us."

"Oh yeah, I'd forgotten they were in this story!" Oney said, grabbing whatever gear he could carry for the trip back [Andrew's Editing Note: so did Leo apparently].

"Now then…" Lelouch swung his arm back behind his head and then jutted it forward, making it do an awesome sweep. "ONWARD!"

"How're we gonna get there?!"

"We… WILL WALK!"

Everyone gasped in surprise.

"..."

"..."

"...yeah, okay," Ding Dong said, putting his scorched rifle behind his back.

"SEEMS REASONABLE TO ME," said Tab, softly [Andrew's Editing Note: lmao].

The gang of revolutionaries then began to dramatically, epically walk back home, looking away from the fire, smoke, and explosions inside the tunnel the entire time, because cool guys don't look at explosions…

UNLESS THEY'RE DARK LEO!

TO BE CONTINUED… NEXT TIME!