Posted 04 January 2010 - 01:42 AM

The difficult thing with a subtle drug like piracetam is to distinguish between features that are inherent to the user's personality, and those the drug is producing.A lot of drugs aren't subtle at all, so it's easier to tell what their effect is on a personality.So I was thinking about Star Wars and Darth Vader. He started out as Anakin but Palpatine shows him the Dark Side and he gradually transforms into Vader.Did Palpatine make Anakin into Vader, or did he simply nourish an inherent quality that might have grown inside Anakin even without his help?Palpatine was an obviously evil influence, but even so - without the inherent evilness inside Anakin he wouldn't have been able to transform him into Vader.Back to the piracetam. If I try to subtract myself so as to see only the drug's influence, I'd say that over the long term and at high doses, it did make me less tolerant of others' failings and slowness. Before I started I'd observed that when I was tired, slow, sick or plain dumb, I was more tolerant of these qualities in others. So a part of it was that by enhancing function, it altered the mental balance between myself and the world. It made me more critical of myself and the world - not in a depressed way but in a way that is pushy, a way that wants to correct by force rather than negotiate. Upfront and confrontational.Having seen both sides of the fence, I'm conscious of it and can make the required adjustments to my new expectations. In other words, I've got a sharper temper and if not for caution, would have a sharper tongue to match it.It happens in my case that the direction piracetam has pushed me was - due to chance - the same way as some traits that I already had. Long before I started taking it I was already too sharp with others, too demanding and easily became impatient.Knowing that the drug amplifies these things along with - and as an inherent part of - certain effects, I've got to work double hard to compensate. It isn't easy because the drug acts as a destabilizing force that pushes me off-balance.I'm sure that one of the inherent qualities of piracetam - especially when taken at high doses over long periods of time - is a subtle irritation, maybe even impatience - having both experienced it myself and heard others mention it. The mentions are still few and far between on various forums, so it means that most people have less of those qualities to begin with, are taking lower or more irregular doses, or something else.Balance is essential for survival yet it is a curse too. Being too satisfied can lead to a boring life - at least according to my own values. Likewise, being too intense, too fast, too demanding, too crazy - those can lead to a dangerous and short life, or unprecedented opportunities if the circumstances are right. Like bicycle riding: since starting piracetam I ride faster and harder, taking chances that I wouldn't otherwise take like closer clearances with traffic at intersections, etc. Yet the enhanced perception and cognition have thus far prevented an accident. So there is compensation. But I get far madder at fools who drive hazardously on the road - and also about the traffic situation itself, automobiles, pollution, etc.There's a world full of problems and contradictions out there. Being sharper, smarter, more able to integrate the larger picture - these things can bring such issues into sharp relief. Likewise, being slow, dumb, and otherwise unaware can make life blissful. Some of the happiest folks I ever met were mentally retarded. I used to take long walks with a particular girl who had the bad luck to be born that way. Her problems were so small - as small as her own awareness and thus easy to solve. She didn't have to worry about pollution or inequality or global warming or racism. Her biggest concern was being overweight, though she never showed any guilt while eating the delicious sweets in those hidden places away from her watchful parents. It was a relief to not have to think and just walk through the forest trails with her.The piracetam also produces a subtle feeling of aggression that wasn't present before I started. Or maybe it just developed a feeling that was already there into a moving force. The raw physicality of that force seems to slowly increase over time. So I have to consciously hold back from doing bad things to those who cross me on the roads.If I was ever in a confrontation or had to fight a battle, the piracetam would both allow and compel me to take action in a way I would never do without. The knowledge of being able to win that comes with increased competence and energy level, plus the insidious darker effects of lowered patience and tolerance make for a compelling brew. I understand much more what it must be like to be a general with command of an army, or any other person with power.Alcohol has some of its own insidious effects like increased aggression, lowered ability to think rationally, decreased sense of hearing, etc. that compound with each other and between people to create lots of barfights, road accidents, and more. Luckily it also makes its victims dumber, so in such cases they express the effects in a muted, dumbed-down way. In contrast piracetam enhances mental function. That allows a more in-depth, planned retribution. Being far more organized and detailed, such actions can cause damage that far exceeds the foolish fistfights of drunkards.Somewhere there is a narrow line in between those extremes. Piracetam made that line narrower. Skating on thin ice so to speak. But I won't give it up because the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks. So I've got to become more responsible in order to manage that extra power. Some might not be able to do so, but that comes with the territory.Most folks have a natural goodness and lots of other qualities that, in combination with typically lower and less regular dosing provide a measure of protection. Perhaps further self-development will boost those other magic qualities and help restore my balance. The biggest problem was getting a nonlinear boost later in life when the balance had already mostly solidified. Thus the imbalance is harder to correct due to aging, which tends to concretize personality traits. Piracetam itself refluidizes the brain, but it seems there is a potentially uncorrectable gap between the maximum refluidization rate and its denormalization of existing characteristics.

Edited by Isochroma, 04 January 2010 - 02:40 AM.