Posted on //

by Matthew Jones



It was 5 a.m. when I found out the results of the 2016 election. The sun had yet to lift its head above the horizon, and the narrow Barcelona alleyway where I lived was still dormant. I’d fallen asleep before the results were official on the other side of the pond, and the text messages I saw from friends and family told me all I needed to know.

I saw the message from my mom first. The word “crap” beamed out from my tiny device. I felt myself falling into the screen, anger bubbling inside of me. It was quickly pushed out by sadness, and then dominated by fear. Everything felt empty.

You may roll your eyes. “It’s only politics,” many people say. But at that moment, much of what I considered true about this world came crashing down on top of me. The next day, in one of my classes (I was in Spain for grad school), I gave a speech. It was dripping with pain, and it wagged its finger at everyone in the room. Looking back, part of me is ashamed of my anger, but another part of me knows I was simply being myself…if that can ever be simple.

Being human comes with a false sense of control over what happens in the world around. We have extraordinary power to shape reality, and it’s only natural to feel this power is limitless. But this is merely an illusion.

This perceived power made me feel responsible for what had happened. My time abroad disconnected me from my home. I observed from afar and felt guilty; I was just one more of the many who had let things go too far.

Desperate to rectify my error, I frantically searched for ways to impact the world in the opposite direction. Every news item that reached my eyes or ears would bore a hole deep into my soul, reminding me of our collective failure, as well as my own. It would incite a fiery desire for action, which manifested itself in nothing more than angry words and pointed fingers, and that when stalled left me emptier than ever before.

I found I didn’t have control over anything, not even myself. Rage and frustration would billow out of me like smoke escaping a burning building. And this negativity filtered to other parts of my life. My relationships began to suffer, and I found myself avoiding social contact, fearful of how I might react in the presence of others.

I knew something needed to change, but I wasn’t quite sure what. I began a fervent search for the root causes of the problems we face. I dove deep into academic research, but I also began exploring what was inside me, desperately seeking the source of all this anger, fear, and frustration. I’d meditated before, but intermittently. I began doing it more, admittedly as a way to merely calm myself down. But as I dove deeper into the practice, I began to see it was so much more. It’s not just a tool, but rather a way of life.

America has reached its current state after decades of ignoring a broken system of crony capitalism. Wealth, power, and opportunity are unequally distributed, and the disastrous effects are defining today’s lived experience. Entrenched and unequal power structures are behind much of the world’s plight.

The other major problem of our time, climate change, derives from our collective misunderstanding of people’s position in Nature. Our existence has been defined by a desire to overcome the limitations Nature imposes, a simple impossibility. Yet our steadfast belief we can do this has manifested as an all-out-war against the Earth, endangering all forms of life.

When I got to this point, something strange happened. These issues are so large, so complex, and so deep-rooted, that they freed me from my own feeling of helplessness. They forced me to accept my own powerlessness, and to turn my attention toward what I can truly control.

Mindfulness teaches us to be fully aware at all times. It reminds us that every action has a reaction, and that we do not need to be victims of our own thoughts and emotions. The negativity festering inside of me as a result of my constant engagement with anger, fear and frustration was seeping out into my entire life and preventing me from experiencing peace. I thought my anger was inspiring others, but it was merely pushing them away.

Mindfulness is also about recognizing our own limits. I can’t stop crony capitalism on my own, or reverse the effects of human driven climate change. But I can live mindfully. I can curb my material consumption to only what I need, choosing instead to spend my money with businesses who share my vision for the world. Or I can adopt behavior changes that help me reduce my environmental impact and live in more harmony with Nature.

I recognize these small actions aren’t by themselves going to change the world; using reusable water bottles or growing a few vegetables in my garden won’t reshape the world. But I also recognize my small contribution does inject positivity into our collective consciousness. And that’s more than enough for me.

Because isn’t that the secret to a life of peace? Finding meaning. And by recognizing our limits while appreciating our impact, we can begin to uncover purpose in our lives, giving us the chance to calm down enough and enjoy what’s happening right here and right now.

Being mindful means observing ourselves so that we can better understand our thoughts and emotions. We don’t need to engage with every thought that enters our mind, and not every emotion represents our true feelings. Both are ephemeral, and they will pass if we allow them to. And by being mindful of them, we are better equipped to let this happen. Two years ago, I was acting on my every whim and impulse, allowing thoughts and emotions to absorb me, and I was decidedly unhappy because of it.

I’ve by no means cracked the code. But my journey has taught me some valuable lessons. My desire to create change has not faltered, but my approach has transformed. My focus is on doing what I can do, on controlling what I can control, and on appreciating the impact of each one of my actions.

We must band together to confront our greatest challenges, but we must start with ourselves, here and now.

Matt is a writer for The Human Revolution, a blog focused on taking a mindful approach to sustainability.

https://thehumanrevolution.net