CHICAGO—Explaining that he’s always trying out new tactics and carefully crafted phrases in an effort to connect with members of the demographic group, sources confirmed Tuesday that local man Rob Benson spends the majority of both his work and personal life desperately attempting to appeal to women 18 to 34 years old. Those close to the advertising agency copywriter stated that, whether he’s at his desk in his cubicle between the hours of 8 a.m. and 5 p.m., or out of the office at night or on the weekend, Benson’s time and efforts are almost exclusively directed toward cultivating an aesthetic and particular style of messaging that make a lasting impression on young women. Moreover, the 30-year-old is said to stare singlemindedly at his work computer or his iPhone for hours at a time, frenziedly studying the behaviors of 18-to-34-year-old women and attempting to devise specific lines that he can employ via social media that will resonate with them on a personal level. At press time, sources confirmed that Benson had taken a brief break from a work project intended to engage with recent female college graduates to head over to his office’s receptionist desk and try to engage with a recent female college graduate.

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