I am nursing a viper in Rome's bosom. I am educating a Phaethon who will mishandle the fiery sun-chariot and scorch the whole world . – Caligula

And now comes, I, Gaius Julius Caesar Germanicus-Caligula (A.D. 12-A.D. 41). I was the third son of Germanicus (nephew of Tiberius), and Agrippina the elder and was born at Antium in A.D. 12.

And now comes, I, Barack Hussein Obama (1961-). I was the illegitimate first son of Stanley Anne Durham and my real father, the Soviet agent and communist propagandist, Frank Marshall Davis. We were born four weeks apart (Aug. 4/Aug. 31).

I, Caligula, when I was in my late teens, my mother and elder brothers were arrested and horribly murdered due to the plotting of the praetorian prefect Sejanus. No doubt the horrendous demise of my closest relatives scarred the young Caligula for life. Attempting to rid himself of I, Caligula, Sejanus, under the belief that he may be a potential successor, went too far and was alas arrested and put to death by orders of Emperor Tiberius in A.D. 31. By expressed order of Emperor Tiberius, I lived on the island of Capri from A.D. 32 onward in the emperor's lush residence, where I was encouraged to indulge my every conceivable fleshly lust – and I did!

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I, Obama, was the product of a vast and enduring conspiracy to hide my radical background but to, nevertheless, embrace those same radical ideals – Islam, Marxism, socialism, progressivism, Malcolm X racial hatred, anti-Americanism. From ages four to nine, I was indoctrinated in Muslim theology at an Indonesian madrassa. I have never recanted or repented from my Muslim faith, and I wear a ring inscribed with the shahada to prove my undying allegiance to Islam.

I, Obama, was shipped back from Indonesia to Hawaii, from ages nine to 18, where three times a week my mother and grandfather arranged for me to be indoctrinated in Marxist/socialist ideology by my real father, Frank Marshall Davis. I have never recanted or repented from my Marxist faith. Like my former chief of staff, now mayor of Chicago, Rahm Emanuel, we are bisexual and members of the uptown Chicago gay bathhouse, "Man's Country." My "body man," Reggie Love, was my best friend, personal assistant and secret lover, until that dark day when Reggie Love forced me to accept his resignation. My marriage to Michelle was a complete sham concocted by Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Jesse Jackson and Valerie Jarrett to deceive the public, make me look normal and cover up my homosexual lifestyle.

I, Caligula, know that there were rumors surrounding the death of Tiberius. It is very likely that the 77-year-old emperor did not simply die of old age. On my authority, Naevius Cordus Sertorius Macro, commander of the Praetorians, rushed inside and smothered Tiberius with a cushion, suffocating him.

I, Obama, had several gay lovers – including Donald Young, the openly gay choir director of the church in Chicago of which I, Obama, was a member for some 20 years – Jeremiah Wright's Trinity United Church of Christ, a model of black liberation theology. There were two other openly gay men in Wright's church: Larry Bland and Nate Spencer. We were all members of Wright's "Down Low Club." In late 2007, as I, Obama, began my ascent to be the Democratic Socialist Party's presidential nominee, in a span of one and a half months, all three men conveniently died.

Through Valerie Jarrett, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Jesse Jackson, terrorists, Bill Ayers, Bernadine Dorhn and others, I had the Chicago machine in my back pocket. With no political experience, I rapidly ascended to become a state congressman (1997-2004) and U.S. senator from Illinois (2005-2009) by 11th-hour leaking through the Democrat socialist press of embarrassing info about messy divorces of my opponents. But it was, above all, my army of what Lenin called "useful idiots" which, very loyal black Americans and Democrats to the house of socialism, sought to see I, Obama, as sole ruler.

I, Caligula, quietly dropped an initial request for the deification of the deeply unpopular Tiberius, whom I had murdered. All around, there was much rejoicing at the investment of a new emperor after the dark later years of his predecessor.

I, Obama, triumphantly accepted the world's most coveted honor, the Nobel Peace Prize postmarked Feb. 1, 2009, just 12 days after I became king … uhh, I mean president, of the United States.

I, Caligula, abolished Tiberius' gruesome treason trials, paid generous bequests to the people of Rome and an especially handsome bonus to the Praetorian Guard. I, Caligula, gave $1,000 to every Roman citizen, but with a gruesome twist. I, Caligula, stood atop a three-story building flinging buckets of aureus (golden coins) to the eager citizens below. Predictably, they trampled and tore each other to death in fighting to get my stash while I stood imperiously above the masses with a mixture of both utter contempt and sexual euphoria at the bloody carnage I initiated in pitting the people against one another.

I, Obama, learned from Caligula's phony largess to win the favor of the people and lavished billions in sham green energy jobs like Solyndra, Solar Trust of America, Bright Source, LSP Energy, Energy Conversion Devices, Abound Solar, SunPower, Beacon Power, Ecotality, A123 Solar, UniSolar, Azure Dynamics, Evergreen Solar, Ener1 and millions to community anarchist groups like ACORN, NAACP, Code Pink, ACLU, La Raza and the socialist unions that, through illegal kickback schemes, poured hundreds of millions of laundered money I gave them back into my re-election campaign coffers.

I, Caligula, had been emperor for less than four years.

I, Obama, had been president for less than four years.

I, Obama, like my predecessors, Tiberius, Caligula and Nero, am indeed a narcissist neophyte, like the ambitious, arrogant Phaeton of Greek mythology, who assumed he could drive Helios' (his sun god father's) chariot to prove he was divine, but all his tragic leadership accomplished was to scorch the planet and render large parts of the earth a perpetual desert wasteland. To stop Phaeton and his genocidal madness, Zeus was forced to kill him.

Will Romney/Ryan be able to stop Obama's socialist madness from ruining America, killing liberty and deconstructing our sacred Judeo-Christian traditions beyond remedy?

In conclusion, when history raises depraved tyrants, demagogues and socialists to positions of absolute power – whether they be named Tiberius Caesar, Nero, Caligula or Woodrow Wilson, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Neville Chamberlain, Lyndon Baines Johnson, Bill Clinton or Barack Hussein Obama – all people of good will must summon their courage, repent of their stupidity, rise up, gird up your loins like a man and quickly depose these wicked leaders and restore our constitutional republic.

Thomas Jefferson said it best: In questions of power, then, let no more be heard of confidence in man, but bind him down from mischief by the chains of the Constitution.