Dundee United - Dead and Buried

The story of the season has been the demise of Dundee United. Their season has gone from “Surely, we’re not this bad” to “uh-oh” to “We are doomed” before spring has even thought about springing. To give you an idea of where they are right now, a comparison is needed.

Dundee United are on 10pts. With Celtic up next, that is unlikely to change which would mean that, having played every side in the league twice (22 games), they would remain on 10pts.

Ignoring Hearts who, due to their points deduction were still on minus points at this stage (albeit, they had accumulated 13pts after 22 games), if Dundee United fail to defeat Celtic, then theirs will officially be the second worst start to a Premiership season in history, ahead of only Livingston in 05/06 who had 8pts and behind Gretna who won game 22 to get up to 13pts.

This is the sort of history Dundee United are close to making - they are well in the range of becoming the worst side to ever have played in Scotland’s 12 team top flight. While they would have to go some to beat Gretna’s record of 13pts to be the worst points total of all time, that included a deduction for entering administration so the real points total to avoid is 18pts, Livi’s total in the 05/06 season - the lowest points accumulation of any season.

Dundee United are in danger of being worse than a side who went out of existence (in Gretna) and a side who started the season with so few players, manager Paul Lambert had to unretire to make up the numbers on the bench.

Things are that bad and, crucially, if you ask 10 different people, you will get 10 different answers as to why things have gone so wrong. The fact is that there is no good reason.

Much of the blame is directed towards the board for the sales of Stuart Armstrong, GMS and Nadir Ciftci. However, given their form at Celtic, especially the latter, one can hardly doubt that Dundee United got a good price for their assets. In fact, considering the form of Billy McKay, it’s possible to argue that MUnited actually traded up on Nadir Ciftci. What resources were made available, however, were not reinvested into the right areas of the side.

Which makes it Jackie McNamara’s fault, right? Certainly, rather than throwing money at Darko Bodul or Rodney Sneijder, maybe they could have brought in leadership or a goalkeeper. Having a central defensive spine of Durnan, Donaldson and Zwick whose combined age could barely get a state pension was asking for trouble due to a lack of experience in terms of actually knowing how to organise a defence.

But that is simply one problem. If one looks at the midfield and the attacking line-up excluding Billy McKay, they all have plenty of experience in spite of their young age. Yet McKay is the only one who really contributes goals. Whereas with Hearts two seasons ago, one could visibly tell that the kids they were playing were consistently improving match after match, even when they took a pumping, are the likes of Blair Spittal or Charlie Telfer really any better than when they were forced into full first team action almost a year ago?

So it’s the players then? Certainly, between McNamara and Mixu, they have been tried in more that one formation and, while Paatelainen has gotten more out of them than McNamara did, results haven’t changed.

As for Mixu? He can’t be blamed for the hold up that delayed the move for Eiji Kawashima for nearly two months that gave the club the experienced goalkeeper they needed nor can he be blamed for deciding to reinforce with experienced players such as Guy Demel and Florent Sinama-Pongolle. But that they lost the New Year Dundee Derby against a Dundee side who are inconsistent, leaky and, more than anything, struggling with injuries and suspensions. Multiple times they have been on top in games and contrived to lose. Performances may be better, but if they come without results, it’s just cooking a dog turd and calling it a chocolate brownie.

Which is the thing. Yes, everyone thought that this season would see Dundee United slip from their top six residency but, having watched them play a lot over the past few seasons, no-one ever thought they could plumb the depths they have this year. Performances are better now - back closer to where they used to be - but the side have no confidence nor are they able to hold their nerve. It’s a collection of players who want to see the side Netflix and Chill but all they’ve got is a Now TV day pass and an empty sofa.

Make no bones about it - if Dundee United avoid automatic relegation, it will be a miracle. The sides above them are keeping on earning points and, with no team in the 12 team league history ever having been relegated with more than 38 points, it seems implausible that even 11th placed Killie would not get to that magic position. In the meantime, United are faced with the prospect of needing to get 28 points from their last 17 matches. Ten wins out of seventeen when, realistically, four of those games (Vs Hearts, Dons & Celtic x2) are total write offs.

Out of the 39 points United can still realistically achieve, they need 30. That allows this terrible side three more defeats against non-top three clubs between here and the end of the season.

Even Lazarus must be thinking that resurrecting United this season will be a bit much.