How do you know you have a relationship with God?

Since we are taught that God is our Father, let’s first brainstorm the ways we know we have a relationship with our parents:

[LIST=1]

*]We see them.

*]Others see them.

*]We speak to them.

*]They speak to us.

*]We give them things.

*]They give us things.

*]We spend time together.

*]We touch them.

*]They touch us.

*]We listen to them.

*]They listen to us.

*]Others tell us about them.

*]We tell others about them.

[/LIST]

Are there any other ways that we know we have a relationship with our parents? Are there any other ways that we know we have a relationship with God?

Looking at this list, then, it appears that, apart from private revelation, every item on this list can be freely accepted or rejected:

[LIST=1]

*]We see the Eucharist. / “You see only bread and wine.”

]Others see the Eucharist. / “Others see only bread and wine.”

*]We pray. / “You talk to the air, or else think thoughts by yourself.”

*]We read the Bible, thoughts occur to us, and we use our reason which the Holy Spirit guides. / “The Bible was written by men, not God; your thoughts are your own, and they are not aided nor directed by God.”

*]We offer our sufferings, etc. to God, and do things for each other, thus doing them for God. / “You’re talking to the air, and doing things for human beings, not God.”

*]Everything that exists in our lives is a gift to us from God. / “Everything that exists is simply a brute fact of an indifferent universe.”

*]We spend time before the Blessed Sacrament (Jesus), and with each other (within whom God dwells). / “You spend time with bread, and with other human beings, not God.”

*]We receive the Eucharist. / “You receive bread and wine, not God.”

*]We receive the Sacraments, through which God physically bestows grace. / “A priest does things with water, bread, etc., not God.”

*]We keep God’s commandments and listen to what the priest tells us in persona Christi at Confession. / “You obey a collection of men running the Catholic Church, and listen to what a man tells you.”

*]According to the Bible and the Church we know that God hears us. / “You don’t know that God hears you.”

*]We are told about God by the Church. / “You’re told false stories, overactive imagination, and misunderstandings by the Church.”

*]We tell others about God. / “You tell others your misunderstandings.”

[/LIST]

My problem, then, is that I want desperately to have a relationship with God, or more of one, and directly, or at least, not having to convince myself that the indirect method described above is correct. Put another way, I don’t understand why God isn’t doing certain things, why He is allowing other things, and why He’s not making these points clear to me, and so I am tempted to think the contrary position is correct.

As for the most recent example, this morning after reading today’s Daily Reading I thought perhaps God wanted me to visit Him, to come before the Tabernacle, even though there was no Mass today. So I did, and I prayed, reflected, meditated, sat quietly, tried to listen, waited, and ultimately left feeling empty and alone: It’s what the atheist would predict would happen.

Of course I’m going to keep doing it (see Luke 18 noting verse 1), but I cannot understand this silent treatment. (I’ve also asked God to make clear to me what I’m doing wrong, if I’m offending Him, etc.) I understand what others have said that sometimes God “withholds consolations” so that we come to desire Him for Himself and not for His blessings, and so that our virtues of faith, hope, and love are strengthened. (Faith that the Church’s message is true, hope in obtaining it, and charity in putting it into practice: Perhaps I may come to see God more in my neighbors.)

And yet there are some perhaps obvious objections to these ideas justifying the “Dark Night”:

[LIST=1]

*]Man is man and God is God. Logically, when I want God, I cannot be satisfied with serving men and thinking of them as if they were God, because they are men and not God.

*]I already want a relationship with God, and I’m not treating Him like “a vending machine.”[1]

*]This method of growing in virtue is both akin to torture and pushing me to the edge of a cliff to see whether I’ll go over. I don’t see how it can be justified as a loving act.[2]

[/LIST]

How can I know that I have a relationship with God? Why doesn’t God help me understand more (e.g. the reason for my suffering)?

Regarding private revelation, every one I’ve read about has been of Mary or angels, never any Person of the Trinity directly. Even St. Faustina’s Divine Mercy revelation I understand was an image of Jesus revealed to her, not Jesus Himself actually before her, and that she (and other mystics) only heard his voice. Is this correct? Are there any Church-approved private revelations coming directly, visibly from God? My theory here is that Jesus isn’t going to personally appear privately to someone until He returns publicly at the end of time for everyone.

[1] By the way, this trite response is thrown around recklessly every time someone complains of “the silent treatment” or unanswered prayer. I think Fr. Serpa has also phrased this in terms of ‘magician’, ‘computer’, and ‘nanny’. I wish people would stop this “blaming the victim”: When one is upset that God is not doing what they thought He said He’d do, that in itself does not justify accusing them of belittling God.

[2] Others have said here, “It’s like undergoing a painful medical procedure – you may not understand it but it’s for your own good.” The problem here is that for these painful goods, we are explicitly told why or else comforted meanwhile. I’ve elaborated on this point elsewhere.