I want to preface this by saying thank you to everyone who takes the time to read this and I hate asking for help but I appreciate all of you! Hi my name is Alex and I am 20 years old. Since I was little I knew that something wasn’t quite right in my head and in my body. I didn’t feel like me and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. I have struggled with gender identity my whole life but never grasped the severity of it until I got older. This is the story of my gender identity. For those of you who don’t know me, I came out as gay when I was 15. This alone was a huge milestone in my life and made me more comfortable but I knew something still wasn’t right. I cut all my hair off when I was 18 leaving for college since this is something I wanted to do since I was very little. I hated my hair and always kept it in a pony tail. I always wanted a boys hair cut. Well cutting my hair off was the best decision I could have made. It made me feel more like me than I had ever felt. However cutting my hair really amplified my body dysphoria. For those of you who don’t know what dysphoria means, it means a state of unease or generalized dissatisfaction with life, particularly related to gender. The worst dysphoria I feel is with my “chest”. It pains me to see my chest every day because I don’t identify with it. I have never dealt that I should have breasts and always wanted to see a flat “male” chest when I look in the mirror. My chest gives me anxiety so bad I don’t want to leave my house some days. My dysphoria goes beyond physicality, it is mental as well. I have never fealt at home in my body and have never been comfortable being percieved as female to society because i have never felt female. Every time I look in the mirror I see somebody else. I hate being perceived as female. I hate my feminine voice. I dislike my female organs and body curves. I hate being in a women’s restroom because it makes me so uncomfortable. I never felt right being categorized with the girls in school and always wanted be with the boys. I always wanted to play on the boys sports teams and be on the boys side in class. I don’t feel comfortable hearing girl, ma’am, lady, or woman. All of these things have helped me realize my identity and helped me realize that it is ok to not identify with the gender I was given. My sex will always be biologically female but gender is a social construct and I will determine my own identity within society. I have been going to gender therapy for around 6 months. My therapist and doctor recommended top-surgery due to my growing depression and dysphoria. I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria 3 months ago and I am doing all that i can to become truly me. I just want to live authentically and happily in my body. We all deserve to be happy in our own skin. I identify as a non-binary trans masculine. This means that i dont feel male OR female, i feel somewhere in the middle however my gender expression is completely masculine. I just started Testosterone horomone replacement therapy on 06/10. I am scheduled to get top-surgery on October 13th in Florida. I am going to be paying the full $12,000 surgery out of pocket. I already have $9000 saved toward the surgery and am only $2000 away. I am working full time and overtime trying to save for it but the truth is that it is hard. I am putting away every dollar that I can but life can sometimes get in the way. Anything helps and I mean anything! Every dollar, every quarter is being spent to better my life. If you can’t donate right now I understand 100%, feel free to DM me or stop by my social media and leave a comment. Love and support will always mean more than any amount of money. I could use any help even if it is just kind words.Thanks for stopping by and reading my story. Peace and love to everyone❤️

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