Important issues like the exam results of Jena Babu’s son or finding a groom for Mohanty Babu’s daughter are higher on the list of priorities, reveals God.

Jena Babu’s 16-year-old son secured an impressive 97% in his 10th board exams and ended up being the state topper. And according to Jena Babu, the entire credit for this remarkable feat goes not to the kid’s inexorable determination and perseverance but to God instead.

“The almighty has truly blessed us. It would not have been possible without his unconditional love for us,” he said as his son cut a disappointing figure in the background.

In another similar case, a certain Mohanty Babu was seen crying tears of joy for God’s incredible generosity. Mohanty Babu had placed an advertisement on Bharat Matrimony for a ‘fair, 6ft or more, minimum 12lakhs-a-year package, Brahmin groom’ for his daughter. Lo & behold, God delivered.

Odisha Gazette sent an email to God requesting him to descend from his heavenly abode for a short interview. God agreed to our proposal and we sat down for a chat.

“Yeah it was a piece of cake though,” he said when asked about his recent philanthropic work. “I’m the f**king God. I can do bigger stuff.”

“So why don’t you?”

“Listen kid, I don’t think you have received the memo,” said God taking a long drag from his cigarette. “I work in mysterious ways.”

“What the hell is mysterious about kids dying in war? Or getting raped? Why aren’t you helping them? Aren’t you omniscient and omnipotent or something?”

“Damn right I am! But it’s not high on the list of priorities. See Jena and Mohanty do not eat meat on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and even Saturdays so obviously I had to help them first.”

“No. If you’re willing to prevent evil but aren’t able to then you’re not omnipotent. If you’re able but not willing then you’re malevolent. If you’re both willing and able then why’s there evil in the world? If you’re neither willing nor able then why should we call you God?”

And uncomfortable silence fell all around us as God frantically searched for something to put it in his mouth.

“Damn that Epicurus, the Greek bastard!” he added. “Right kid, it was nice talking to you.”

The celestial being vanished not to be seen again. Meanwhile, human beings, in their finite wisdom and disgusting sense of entitlement, continue to believe that their materialistic problems are more important than kids getting raped or their bodies getting dismembered from a blast.

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