ALLENTOWN, PA—Overcome with despair after realizing he’d never again see the franchise’s beloved characters, local Rise Of Skywalker fan Tim Abrams told reporters Thursday that he can’t believe there wasn’t ever going to be another Star Wars movie. “What a bummer—no more lightsabers, no more force, no more toys, no more merchandise,” said Kinslow, admitting that he was surprised that Disney “stuck to their guns” in releasing a self-contained trilogy. “It’s too bad, because I love spending time in this universe so much. Even though they tied up all the loose ends, I bet there’s enough material to make an animated TV series or maybe even a video game. I’m only 33, too, so it’s really upsetting that I’ll have to go the rest of my life without another Skywalker story. Hell, if they just released a couple more minutes of Star Wars, I’d be satisfied, but I understand that it might be seen as a soulless cash grab.” At press time, Kinslow announced plans to visit Disney World “before they take all the Star Wars stuff down.”

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