I am out sick over the SOTU circus and I open my iPad today and in a post fever haze I see this steaming turd…

And I am trying very hard right now to not spin out into a crazy pre-menstrual fit of brutal double fisted axe murder, so in the interest of letting the evil out in the best way I know how without anyone getting their head split open: WHHHHHAAAATTTTTTT THHHHEEEEE FFFUUUUUUU!!!!!!!

How long have I been asleep? I only took some cold medication. Are Superman and Lex Luther gay married now too?

The idea that we can make what was illegal into the legal, and thereby save ourselves money, time and aggravation is the pinnacle of mental retardation. We did not let the bootleggers out of jail when they repealed Prohibition. They were convicted under a duly passed law.

If Conservatives want to ensure that they never have a majority in any legislative body until doomsday, then go ahead and push this cat-turd rolled in broken glass out to the people as a great idea.

Americans, especially women (according to the PINO) already don’t make as much as men do. So if he wants a real experiment in income inequality, dump a poop-ton of unskilled, cheap labor into our already decimated economy, and make them eligible for all of the things that Americans in poverty get (you know, all the good Santa Claus social welfare goodies) and we can really have ourselves a party. Ann Coulter talks about this at length and suffice it to say, that she is much more dignified about this than I am.

I do not have room in my underpants to fit the kind of balls it is evidently going to take to unseat these miserable losers from office. We are evidently going to have to “island hop” this next three years one issue at a time. I say we start with this one.

I am getting pretty tired of these spineless crap weasels asking for my vote and promptly stabbing me in the front, back and side when we actually expect them to do their jobs (Note: their job is to be a representative of the people) and prevent bad ideas from becoming law. Speaker Boehner, just so you know, bipartisanship means that the other side should have to reach across the aisle as well. President Reagan made the mistake of trusting the feckless Democrat party when he signed amnesty into law in the 80’s. He later pointed it out as one of his greatest regrets. And why did he regret it? Because the Democrats stabbed him in the back by refusing to fund the tougher border enforcement. He also said that the idea was that if you couldn’t make Congress see the light, then make them feel the heat. In fact Mr. Boehner, why don’t you take your case to the American People (the ones here legally at least) and tell them how in order to achieve your conservative vision for America, you are going to do a slightly different version of what President Obama wants. I will wait while you do that. I want to see what happens. I hope you are wearing your fire retardant Under-Roos, because I think when you start talking to constituents, things are going to get toasty.

Talk about lipstick on a pig. Speaker Boehner, don’t you ever get tired of being Barack Obama’s bitch? I promise you, this will not get you a job at PMSNBC when you retire (is it soon?) and I know it in my bones that the Democrats are going to go back to the future on the entire country’s ass if you let them.

No kiss, no pre-coital rub down, no gentle touching and no time to get lubed; just straight up hammered home until dawn.

So , no Mr. Speaker, the American People don’t want you to turn our country into a 3rd world crap-hole. Don’t pass anything with the word “Immigration” in it unless it also involves the words “criminal” and “deportation” as well written somewhere in the bill.

And then after November we will talk about the “To Do” list for America and whether your time as Speaker is done.