Cellphone Snatcher, Jason “Boy Bilis” Garcia, is not at all happy with the latest trend in the buying habits of Filipinos. He has noticed that more and more Pinoys are switching to Android devices. Which is not good for his bottomline, because Android phones have notoriously low resale rates.

“Punyeta talaga kayong mga gago! Ano gagawin ko dito sa China phone na ito? Eh, kulang pa ito pambili ng gramo ng shabu eh!”, Mr Garcia shouts at a group of people he just robbed in a jeepney.

“Naalala ko dati. Ika nga, ‘Good ol days’. Makaka tatlo o limang iPhone ako, may kasama pa ngang Ipad minsan eh. Pero ngayon? Naku! Nung isang linggo may nakuha akong isang iPhone 1.0. Naalala mo yun? Syempre hindi! Hindi na nga inaalala yun ng Apple eh!”, Jason tells AgilaNews while running from local police.

Jason thinks this is symptomatic of a bigger problem among Filipinos. “Problema sa inyo, lagi niyong iniisip ang sarili niyo. Paano kaming simpleng manggagawa? Paano kami kakain at mabubuhay? Alam niyo ba kung gaano kamahal ang gin, sisig at puta ngayon? Mas mahal siya sa second hand na Samsung S2!”

Jason is now hoping that his freestyle rap career takes off soon.