In a dusty album tucked among my dad’s possessions, there’s a single picture of me around age three or four. I’m fiddling with the tap in my family’s sea foam green 70’s-style bathtub and looking over my shoulder in surprise at the photographer.

I’m also completely naked.

Whenever I’ve shown close friends that album, I’ve skipped right over that page. Not only is that picture not the most flattering (everyone knows that sea foam green is SO not my color), it also seemed wrong to show to other people. Too revealing. Not something I wanted even my future husband to see – at least, not when we were still in the awkwardness of the “should-I-or-shouldn’t-I-hold-his-hand” phase. (To be clear, we were pretty young when we met. Handholding was like taking a step when you’re not sure there’s a stair under your foot.)

I grew up in an age without Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, when pictures were taken in rolls of 24 or 36 and required three days and $15 to develop at the local CVS. I feel fortunate that I’m able to pick and choose who sees which pictures. I certainly wouldn’t want a future employer to see the bathtub picture or the Polaroid where I’m grinning in my high chair with spaghetti sauce smeared up to my eyebrows under which my dad helpfully wrote “Messy Jessie.”



Nowadays, some kids don’t have an option to keep these family moments private. Before they’ve even left the hospital, babies have their pictures posted on multiple social media channels, sometimes accessible by people unknown to the parents. Before these kids are eating solid food, they have a digital identity that may describe anything from their first tooth to the frequency of their bowel movements to – scariest of all – birth dates, where they attend daycare, or the name of the nearby park they frequent. We live in a world where an average parent uploads 973 photos of his or her child to social media by the time that child is 5 years old. Social media is young. We do not know yet the impact of digital identities created while an entire generation is growing up. Perhaps the impact will be minimal. Perhaps the impact will be catastrophic. Perhaps the impact will be something in between.



I get it. Our children are adorable, and we want to share that cuteness with our friends and family, especially if we live far away. I want to make this point very clear: I am NOT putting out a PSA saying that parents should not share photos of their children online. I have made a choice that I will not be sharing photos of our upcoming arrival on social media. Yet just as I would never presume that everyone should become vegan or eat gluten-free, I would never insist that everyone refrain from sharing these photos. Everyone has the right to do as they choose within reason as long as they don’t harm others (e.g. taking a picture of someone else’s child and posting it on social media). I do, however, have no qualms about sharing the reasons why I will not be partaking of this cultural trend.

Reason #1: Social media is not private, no matter how many privacy settings are used.

According to a recent survey, 17% of parents have never checked Facebook privacy settings, and 46% have only checked once or twice. Facebook is the number one social media channel for sharing kid pictures, and its complicated and constantly changing privacy settings have come under fire more than once. That’s a lot of holes for kid pictures to slip through.

In addition, fewer than half of parents were aware that location data for pictures taken with cell phones could be stored and retrieved, and over a third of parents believe they own sole rights to images posted on Facebook. In fact, by virtue of having an account, users give Facebook the right to use uploaded images without permission. Lest you think I’m picking on Facebook, feel free to read these sources for information on other social media channels.

Edited to add: It is certainly easier to post a photo on Facebook than to, say, put together an email list that will go out to the same people. The dilemma then becomes how to balance convenience with privacy. For some this dilemma is no dilemma at all: convenience trumps privacy, and if privacy is not a concern, then post away.



Reason #2: I do not want to live life through a camera lens.



This photo essay hit home with me. I was relatively late to the cell phone AND smartphone game, so I’ve witnessed the rise in smartphone addiction as an outsider. One of my strongest memories of a former classmate (a wonderful, successful woman) is of her texting on her smartphone while we were walking together between classes. I’ve attended meetings where nearly every participant was reading or texting on his or her phone. I’ve watched parents playing with their children while attempting to take a picture at the same time. These are not memories I want someone to have of me: The memory of someone who didn’t have the respect to look me in the eye while I was talking with them. My child’s memory of me saying, “Look over here!”

As with many things in life, it’s possible to enjoy using smartphones in moderation. As with many things in life, it’s difficult to use smartphones in moderation.

Reason #3: If I were growing up now, I wouldn’t want pictures of me posted without my permission.

A number of articles have criticized or defended posting photos of kids on social media. These articles are almost always written from the perspective of the adult or parent who wants to share cute photos with friends or the creepy Internet surfer who uses those photos for evil. These articles are almost never written with the perspective of the author as a child (i.e. a proxy for how the author’s children may feel in the future). How would my future children feel about having pictures of themselves posted on the Internet without their permission and before they understand what is happening? What if my child is particularly sensitive or embarks on a high profile career? Would s/he be embarrassed by a digital identity s/he didn’t create and cannot erase?



To answer these questions, I think about myself as a child and myself in the present day. I want a hand in creating my digital identity. I would not want the potential to be embarrassed down the line by a stray picture that escaped privacy censors à la Ermahgerd girl.

So, is there a solution to the potential problem of over sharing on social media? What parents choose to do with their children’s pictures and information is absolutely their choice as long as they are making a conscious decision. In choosing to post pictures of children on social media, there are some guidelines on how to keep your children safe and minimize the chances of embarrassment in the future.

As for me, I’ve made my conscious choice. The picture at the top of the page is me at around one-and-a-half. Now that I’m an adult, I choose to share that picture with the online world.

The bathtub picture? Never seeing the light of day.

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Looking for more ways social media affects our lives? Check it:

Community Insights Part 1: Makeup Artists

Community Insights Part 2: How a Registered Dietitian Uses Social Media

Community Insights Part 3: Gaming for a Living

Community Insights Part 4: Traveling

Community Insights Part 5: Art

