{ NEW COOKING VIDEO! }

Before I get into my Bachelor recap from last week (still haven’t watched this week’s episode yet) let me just tell you something – I LOVE this chicken salad. It’s smoky, it’s spicy and it’s really damn amazing in butter lettuce wraps. I think I may have to whip this up this week because now I’m really craving it.

But let’s move on to what’s important here – The Bachelor. My sister-in-law and I have decided something…Arie needs facial hair. Like really, really bad. Just a little bit of scruff would really go a long way on him. He has these eyes that look like the White Walker king and, well, the White Walker king even has hair on his skeletor face. Arie needs to watch Game of Thrones and get his life together. Becca mentions that Arie’s eyes “suck people in”…well that’s because he’s a White Walker, Becca. You idiot.

Just kidding, Becca seems incredibly nice.

So let’s paint a picture. The episode starts off with Arie riding in on a motorcycle to pick Becca up and Krystal mentions that she’s seen a lot of people lose body parts while on a motorcycle. Jeez, Krystal, jeez. But for real, motorcycles are crazy dangerous. I’ll stay in my SUV instead. Becca hops on the motorcycle with Arie and holds on tight and says to Arie, “We aren’t in Kansas anymore.” Well you haven’t been in Kansas the entire time. And you’re not even from Kansas so that line doesn’t work here. They pull up to some warehouse where a chocolate fountain isn’t pouring. Nothing is more defeating and depressing than a stale chocolate fountain. Oh, and mussels that looked like they sat out overnight. Gross. Becca gets the most insane date ever which sets her standards incredibly too high for the future with Arie – she was given probably $20,000 worth of clothing, shoes and jewelry. I’m thinking Neil Lane was trying to get publicity early on in the season since so many people get too bored with this show and give up towards the end. So he gives her a bunch of jewelry…that she has to give back. Except for the earrings, which Arie puts into her ears for her. Becca asks, “Have you done this before?” and Arie says, “Yes I have…for my mom.” Back to the lies, you go. What son is helping their mother put earrings in? Your mom isn’t 95 years old, Arie!!

So Becca gets a date where she gets $20,000 worth of gowns that she can’t fit into her suitcase and probably has to leave behind, then Krystal gets a date to Scottsdale where she has to watch VHS tapes of Arie’s childhood, go to his high school, then meet his family. Talk about a turn off. Who has a VHS tape player? I don’t even have a DVD player at this point. It’s called Netflix. Time to grow some facial and get with the future, Arie. I heard on a podcast recently that Krystal has defended her voice that sounds like she smokes a pack a day, telling people on her instagram that she was incredibly sick. But that does not make up for the fact that she holds oooooon to the last letterrrrrr of every other worrrrrrd. And she never stops smiling. I know a few people who never stop smiling and at some point, they break. Sadly hers will be on national television at some point.

Now, the group date was AWESOME!! I mean, the bumper cars definitely gave quite a few women concussions and Annaliese broke down into uncontrollable crying from a childhood bumper car trauma…but all of it was amazing. The producers did this outstanding childhood reenactment of a child getting taunted inside a bumper car rink and then they would circle back to Annaliese hyperventilating. Poor girl. We all have our triggers. And when all these women show up to give each other head traumas, everyone is dressed in pants…except BeKAH who has middle school gym shorts rolled up 16 times, no bra, and hoop earrings down to her belly button. Having hoop earrings that large is dangerous. Someone should tell her before her earlobes are ripped apart. Anywho, they all put on their race suits and BeKAH looks like an adolescent boy in hers, but Arie loves it! Think about that for a second. Then they all smash into each other in their car while wearing neck braces that looked incredibly similar to what my dog wore after he had his manhood removed. Interesting choice.

The date ends with 15 women all trying to fight for time with Arie. And Arie does the meanest thing so far. He picks up the rose for the date and tells Chelsea that she was amazing and really opened up…then he hands the rose to Seinne. That has to be a producer move because Rachel use to always do that when she was about to kick a person off. That’s a cruel, cruel joke. But since Chelsea is crushing it with the filler game, I couldn’t tell if she was upset.

If you missed this episode, the only thing you truly missed was BeKAH and Arie eating each other’s face then Arie kicking off Jenny, who kind of loses it. This poor girl is young, drunk and bummed to have to leave all her new friends she just made. Arie tries to hug her goodbye multiple times and this drunk chick ain’t having it. You can’t feed women alcohol then dump them. It just isn’t a good idea.

That’s all that happened. Crying, concussions and a White Walker. Can’t wait to watch tonight to see what happened last night. Fingers crossed Arie sprouts a few facial hairs. This show is crack.

Jalapeño Popper Chicken Salad ★★★★★ 4.8 from 89 reviews Author: juli

Prep Time: 15 minutes

Cook Time: 20 minutes

Total Time: 35 minutes

Yield: 4 - 5 1 x Scale 1x 2x 3x Ingredients 3 cups diced cooked chicken, chilled

diced cooked chicken, chilled 1/2 pound bacon, diced and cooked until crispy

pound bacon, diced and cooked until crispy 3 jalapeños, roasted

jalapeños, roasted 1/2 red onion, minced

red onion, minced 1/2 cup Primal Kitchen avocado mayo

Primal Kitchen avocado mayo 2 tablespoons hot sauce

hot sauce 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder

garlic powder 1/2 – 1 teaspoon salt

– teaspoon salt black pepper, to taste

chopped chives Instructions Dice chicken and place in the fridge to chill. Cook diced bacon in a medium pan until crispy. Remove and set on a paper towel to absorb the excess fat. Place jalapeños on a the stove top over a high flame and rotate every couple minutes until the jalapeño begins to blacken and blister. Once roasted on all sides and slightly softened, rinse under cold water and remove the blackened skin, then mince the jalapeño. (for less spicy, remove the seeds before slicing) Add the chicken, bacon, jalapeño, red onion, mayo, hot sauce, garlic powder, salt, black pepper and chopped chives to a large bowl and mix until completely combined. Serve in lettuce wraps or on any gluten free or paleo bread you prefer! Notes





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