Amidst the news surrounding the sensitive diplomatic information released last week, Wikileaks head Julian Assange hinted that he would be releasing documents from a major financial institution. The Onion has been granted special access to these documents, and is proud to present some of the more damning revelations about Bank of America:

TARP bailout funded the Men's Warehouse spree needed to restore confidence in the company

List of employees who have generously contributed to executive Catherine P. Bessant's Bank of America fun run, employees who have not

Whenever CEO Brian Moynihan needs to buy a cup of coffee, he takes a few dollars from a random customer's account

CFO Charles Noski has had to have the concept of interest explained to him eight times since being hired

There is nothing in the Bank of America vaults excepts bones of poor people

Tellers have been secretly cramming 51 cents into each roll of pennies to try and get rid of them all

Executives attempted to cover up a video showing a Bank of America helicopter strike on squatters in a Tampa-area foreclosed home

During the October 2008 collapse, then-CEO Ken Lewis proposed removing lollipops from lobbies to cut costs