More often, even those adults who remember what it was like to have young kids don’t want to “put up” with them in public – they’ve done their time, and generally give the impression that they did it so much better. I constantly find myself making excuses for my children if they’re loud or fractious – he’s very tired, she’s been sick – but the truth is that he’s two, she’s four. They’re kids. It’s normal.

I try very hard not to bother anyone. I take books and drawing materials, I tell stories, I rush them outside if they start being noisy, or resort to ABC Kids on my phone (which, involving a screen, also garners disapproving stares). I know there are “child-friendly” spaces where I can take my children without having to worry, but how can they learn to behave in public if they’re only welcome at parks and play centres? (Five minutes in one of those horrific places and I’m the one having a meltdown.) The term “child friendly” unfortunately exists only because most public spaces, and the people in them, are just the opposite.

Newsflash: parents don’t like spending all of our time in “child-friendly” venues; we go there so that we can get out of the house without encountering glares. When I had my first child, taking her to a cafe was one of the few things that helped me feel less isolated, like a normal adult again. Which brings me to another newsflash: despite having children, parents continue to be people, and we therefore continue to have caffeine addictions and other needs – to buy food, to go to the doctor, sometimes even (gasp) to fly interstate. All tasks that are best undertaken without children, we all agree – if only it were that easy.

We don’t all have endless funds for babysitters, or a bottomless well of goodwill from friends and family, or indeed children who are happy just to be dropped off like parcels every time we need to go and buy milk.

Where did this idea come from that we shouldn’t be inconvenienced by the presence of others? We live side by side, sharing public space – with all the benefits and inconveniences that that entails. If you genuinely hate to see kids in cafes, I’m sure I won’t change your mind; but as we’re not going to stop taking our pesky brats out, I’ve prepared some helpful advice to help you deal with it: