Ice Cocky: A Canadian and an American Prepare for the Canada vs USA Olympic Men's Hockey Semifinal

Today at 12pm ET (whatever time Russian), the Canadian and U.S. Olympic men's hockey teams will face off in a semifinal rematch of the 2010 Vancouver Olympics gold medal game. While that happens, American-born Extra Mustard editor Sam Page will be facing off against Canadian-born Extra Mustard editor Dan Treadway in an SI office shouting match as they watch the game.

To adequately illustrate the significance of the semifinal to themselves and their respective countries (but mostly themselves), they elected to take an epistolary approach to their pre-game trash talk, beginning early in the afternoon on Thursday.

Hey Sam,

Just wanted to wish the U.S. good luck for when they play Canada in the semifinal tomorrow. While we're on the topic, I was wondering: Which broadcast of Sidney Crosby's gold medal-clinching goal in the last Olympics did you find the most entertaining?

I'm leaning towards all of them.

Don Cherry,

Dan

Sorry Dan,

Can't watch any four-year-old videos right now—I'm currently watching the U.S. women's team beat the Canadians in the gold medal game.

But while we're on the subject of Sidney Crosby goals: Which has been your favorite from the tournament so far? I bet you're leaning towards all zero of them. Hard to blame him, though, since Canada's drawn such powerhouses as Latvia and Norway.

Good luck tomorrow.

I have the same number as goals as Crosby,

Sam

Dear Sam,

Love,

Dan

Dan -

You know how you're never supposed to pick on the girl with the biggest brother? I'm sure beating this guy's sister is going to be a huge comfort tomorrow when he torches you. It'll be like when everyone in Seattle got over the Sonics leaving because the Storm won the 2010 WNBA Championship.

[tweet https://twitter.com/will_crist/status/434693744290721793]

Genuinely sorry for jinxing the U.S. Women's Hockey Team,

Sam

Sam -

Indeed, it's quite clear that Phil Kessel knows a lot about good hockey, which is why he decided to sign an 8-year contract to stay in Canada.

I'm genuinely sorry, too: It wasn't right of me to gloat about our women's team's victory over an opponent that hasn't won a gold medal since the Clinton administration. It was a devastating loss for the U.S., but it's tough on some Canadians too—poor Hayley Wickenheiser is going to have trouble getting through security lines while hauling around her four Olympic gold medals.

But I can agree that I shouldn't spend too much time reminiscing about Canada's hockey success at the 2010 Games, because that would require me to unfairly overlook our domination in 2006 and 2002.

On an unrelated note, how many more remakes of Miracle do you think there will be before your men's hockey team wins another gold? Channing Tatum should be able to play a pretty convincing Herb Brooks in 20 years.

You didn't jinx them because there was never any doubt,

Dan

Dan -

Channing Tatum, Miracle, and the Salt Lake Olympics. Hard to keep up with all these fresh references. But since you've decided to hang your hat on the miserable Maple Leafs of all things, here's something a little more recent that you probably actually remember watching:

Leafs suck,

Sam

Sam -

Hmmm, a team losing a decisive game in overtime after having a commanding lead in the third period? This sounds oddly familiar.

Are these references timely enough?

via Getty Images

Please see above,

Dan

Dan -

Wow you're really doubling down on that women's game that I mentioned in passing. I think you're betraying some insecurities about a certain hockey game that's going to be played Friday afternoon. I mean sure, if you lose, you'll still have the women's gold and ... the Maple Leafs.

If we lose, we'll just be the single greatest hegemonic power on Earth with all the money and the best teams in every other sport.

God Bless America,