Box art for SCP-XXXX instances. Note the bright pink "Director's Cut" in Comic Sans and SCP-XXXX-A in the back.

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: Agents visiting flea markets, thrift shops, consignment stores, and similar establishments are advised to be on the look-out for instances of SCP-XXXX. Upon finding an instance of SCP-XXXX, agents are to purchase it immediately. If the agent is not able to do so, theft is highly encouraged. The obtained instance is to be sent immediately to Site-[Designation Pending] for containment in a 5.4m2 receptacle constructed from a cellulose-based material marked with a verbal warning about its contents.

Agents are also to monitor all mail addressed to comedian Jerry Seinfeld, intercepting any packages suspected to contain human body parts.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a DVD purporting to be a "Director's Cut" of the popular American sitcom Seinfeld. The disc can be read by both standard and blu-ray players. On the disc are thousands of purported Seinfeld episodes, with at least twenty being added each week. While overall similar to the style of the original, the disc's content has several anomalous qualities, the most noticeable being SCP-XXXX-A.

SCP-XXXX-A is a humanoid entity that replaces the character of Newman and is referred to as such in all episodes on the disc. While at first appearing to be a faceless doppelganger, closer inspection has revealed that SCP-XXXX-A does have a face, albeit a microscopic one, similar to its non-anomalous counterpart. Said face has been shown to be printed in minute detail on the disc's box cover. Printed screenshots from episodes also posses this quality. The mouth of SCP-XXXX-A resembles that of a lamprey, with human canines. When SCP-XXXX-A vocalizes, its mouth expands to fill 80% of its face. These vocalizations are completely unintelligible to the audience, but can be perfectly understood by other characters on the show.

Every fifth episode, starting from episode 180 , a subplot is dedicated to SCP-XXXX-A performing acts of extreme violence and debauchery on a captive or group of captives in what appears to be a basement furnished with torture devices, masturbation aids, and surgical equipment. SCP-XXXX-A is implied to also partake in such activities while off-screen. The other characters are aware fully aware of SCP-XXXX-A's habits, referring to the basement with some discomfort as "the Dungeon."

The victims of SCP-XXXX-A that are not D-class personnel have been identified as various missing persons from real life. Examination of the victim's belongings results in a 52% chance of discovering SCP-XXXX. Testing with D-class personnel have proven that the viewing of 20 or more consecutive episodes is required in order to be "abducted" by SCP-XXXX-A.

To be "abducted," the victim must must have entered REM sleep. After 30 minutes of REM sleep, the subject immediately vanishes. No method of preventing this has been found. The order in which victims are utilized by SCP-XXXX-A is apparently chronological, with those having going to bed earlier in Eastern Standard Time going before those that went to bed later in the day. The utilization of whole groups of victims is speculated to be the result of large influx of new victims causing a backlog of sorts.

The often mutilated and sometimes unrecognizable corpses of the victims are by unknown means returned to our reality and mailed to Jerry Seinfeld, who wrote the original show and stars in it as fictional version of himself. The reason for this is unknown. So far, all such packages have been identified and intercepted by agents embedded in the US Postal Service.

Addendum XXXX-1: On 16/12/201█, agents reported an increase of discovered SCP-XXXX instances. Discoveries continued to increase over the next six days, peaking on 22/12/201█, with agents finding multiple instances in some establishments. By 23/12/201█ , frequency of SCP-XXXX instances returned to normal. This surge is theorized to be an annual event. In order to prepare for future influxes of SCP-XXXX instances, Site Director Dorjsuren has requested an additional containment receptacle.