Today we’ve got headlines about a crafty snake, a scary knife and a missing body organ — plus details on the political fallout from last week’s Groveland Four pardon.

But first, if you ever wonder why Florida politicians are unsuccessful in tackling many serious issues, it’s partly because they spend so much time debating the same nonsensical issues year after year.

They’re like hamsters caught in a wheel of stupid.

One example of particularly lame legislation that keeps getting filed (and then killed) is the “campus carry” bill that seeks to lift a ban on guns on college campuses — while keeping a ban on guns in legislative meetings.

Yes, the lawmakers backing this bill argue citizens have a Second Amendment right to have guns near students — but that those same citizens should be arrested and jailed if they bring their guns near politicians.

The bill is so eye-rollingly hypocritical that senators from both parties killed it back in 2015.

But Florida legislators have never been ones to let go of a bad idea — especially when they’re trying to impress the NRA.

So after the bill died in 2015, they filed it again in 2016 … when it again died. And again in 2017 … until it died then too.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat. (And then scratch your head like a confused chimpanzee, wondering why the state can’t seem to solve the toxic algae problem.)

Now — for the fourth time in five years — they’re at it again.

Freshman Republican Anthony Sabatini of Lake County is the latest to decry “gun-free zones” while filing legislation that ensures he gets to keep working in one.

I suggested to the new legislator that his bill looked hypocritical. And yellow-bellied.

Sabatini didn’t seem to appreciate either characterization and suggested I didn’t really understand the issue — because legislative meetings are different. They are held in small rooms “with enormous police and security.”

Wait. So when you have armed guards and a controlled space, citizens can be less trusted to pack heat?

It seemed to me like Sabatini was shooting logic blanks.

Still, I assured him I was very aware that legislators afford themselves security their constituents don’t enjoy. I just wasn’t sure how he and other lawmakers could rage against gun-free zones — calling them “irrational” even — while filing legislation that guarantees they get to keep one for themselves.

Sabatini didn’t like that either and suggested my concerns probably don’t even interest “the rapidly declining readership of the Sentinel.”

Well argued.

Now, in past years, legislators who filed campus-carry bills ultimately realized how hypocritical they look screaming about gun-free zones while working in one — and were shamed into filing additional legislation to allow guns around them as well.

That’s usually when the bill dies.

Because the truth is: For all these guys’ big, tough talk about how much they love guns and the Second Amendment, they quite enjoy the gun-free zone in which they work … and their right to arrest concealed-carry permit holders who attempt to enter it.

Is my engine hissing?

This week’s Only-in-Florida headlines:

“Florida Man Threatens To Kill Neighbor With ‘Kindness’ — The Name Of His Machete” … “Surgeon will pay $3k fine for accidentally removing a kidney" …“Florida man finds boa constrictor under car's hood"

You know it’s a scary crop of stories when the guy who found the snake in his engine had the best day.

Legacy of Shame

Floridians around the state celebrated the Florida Cabinet’s decision last week to pardon the Groveland Four — the four young, black men wrongfully convicted or killed in Lake County nearly 70 years ago.

The justice was long overdue. Still, the officials who voted to make it happen — notably Gov. Ron DeSantis and Agriculture Commissioner Nikki Fried, the Cabinet’s most vocal champion — can take pride in publicly acknowledging this shameful chapter in Central Florida’s past.

Conversely, that shame will forever hang like an anvil around the necks of Rick Scott, Pam Bondi and Adam Putnam — the former Cabinet members who refused to offer the pardon … even after the Florida Legislature made history by unanimously asking them to do so.

DeSantis and co. took their pardon vote during their very first meeting.

If you need proof of how embarrassingly unresponsive Scott and the former Cabinet members were, consider this tweet posted just hours after last week’s pardon:

”Well done by the Florida Cabinet. Should’ve happened sooner.”

Those were the words of Carlos Lopez-Cantera … Scott’s own lieutenant governor.

smaxwell@orlandosentinel.com