But what scares us even more is observing our married friends, and misinterpreting the husband's reactions to questions that used to require no thought. When we ask him if he wants to go out and grab a beer with us, and he replies with, "Sure, just let me run it by the wife real quick," we see him as imprisoned. As if everything he does requires permission from a secondary mother.

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We don't see it for what it really is: a simple act of courtesy. Making sure that you both don't have prior plans. Or you're not hurting for money this week. Or that the kids don't have something that requires your attention. No, instead, we give him shit. "Sure, sure. You just go ask your mommy, and we'll be over here having a good time like grown fucking men."

Picturing ourselves in that situation is like trying to imagine the rest of our lives being reverted back to our six year old selves. Living our lives the way someone else dictates.

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"She ... said no."

But as irrational as some of these fears may seem to you, at least they're honest and not some writer's bullshit assumption, picturing what they think the average guy is like (probably based on what they saw on TV when they were growing up). And if you do happen to be in a relationship with the rare "marriage ruins my fucking" guy, it's probably time to reevaluate your taste in men. A cocksucker like that doesn't deserve you in the first place.

For more Cheese, check out 5 Parental Dick Moves You Hate (Until You're a Parent) and 5 Unexpected Causes of Awkward Conversations With Your Kids.