Last year I reviewed all 100 songs in the Hottest 100 in a sentence or two, and it promptly became the most universally beloved article on the Internet. It’s nice when that happens.

With this in mind, I have decided to do the very same thing again this year. Due to space constraints, and energy-preservation, I have split this into two parts.

Enjoy! (Or don’t.)

::CHECK OUT PART TWO #50 – #1 HERE

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#100: ‘Don’t Leave’ – Snakehips & MØ

One of the most underrated upsides to the rise of EDM is the re-emergence of finger-clicks in popular music.

#99: ‘Arty Boy (feat. Emma Louise)’ – Flight Facilities

I’ll never understand why, in the current age, the featured artist is included in the song title and not as the artist.

#98: ‘Snow’ – Angus & Julia Stone

This song was written in a cottage in Byron Bay which is a fact I researched, but could also feel in my waters.

#97: ‘LOYALTY. (feat. Rihanna)’ – Kendrick Lamar

This song sounds like when you take Ambien and then try to stay awake. Especially if you happen to be in bed with Rihanna at the time, which I admit, is rare.

#96: ‘Chasin” – Cub Sport

I love this guy’s voice, and I love how they use PS1 Wipeout 2097 synths.

#95: ‘Mask Off’ – Future

A tribute to the legendary Bash Brothers from Mighty Ducks 2.

#94: ‘Second Hand Car’ – Kim Churchill

Even better than his grandfather’s classic jam: “We shall fight on the beaches“.

#93: ‘Do What You Want’ – The Presets

I love how every Presets song sounds like being covered in glitter, vomit, piss, and Guava Cruiser while secretly thinking, ‘I’m still a shot here.’

#92: ‘LOVE. (feat. Zacari)’ – Kendrick Lamar

Secretly the second-best song on the new Kendrick album, which isn’t new but you know what I mean.

#91: ‘Big For Your Boots’ – Stormzy

This is why podiatrists suggest leaving a thumb-sized gap at the top of the shoe when purchasing, so that you don’t grow out of them too quickly!

#90: ‘Hyperreal (feat. Kučka)’ – Flume

I miss the days when things were ultra-real and mega-real.

#89: ‘Dawning’ – DMA’s

I love when people say these guys just sound like a blend of The Stone Roses and Oasis, as if that’s not the greatest compliment ever.

#88: ‘Edge Of Town’ – Paul Dempsey

Fun fact: This is the only Dempsey song that doesn’t attempt to cram a multi-syllabic scientific term into the lyrics. This is because it’s a cover.

#87: ‘The Way You Used To Do’ – Queens Of The Stone Age

The perfect tune for kicking women in the face.

#86: ‘Maybe It’s My First Time’ – Meg Mac

She’s like a Winehouse you don’t have to worry about. This chorus is one of the best of the year.

#85: ‘Does This Last’ – Boo Seeka

It’s like James Blake but you can understand the words, which is nice.

#84: ‘Oceans’ – Vallis Alps

I love a good Kanye chipmunk effect mixed with backmasking. They should teach that technique at AIM.

#83: ‘Blood Brothers’ – Amy Shark

Googling ‘blood’ and ‘shark’ isn’t ever advised, unless doing so results in you discovering this gem of a song, in which case it’ll have been worth it.

#82: ‘1-800-273-8255 (feat. Alessia Cara & Khalid)’ – Logic

An important song, although I feel that — much like when they aired Rescue 911 during the ’90s — they should make note of the Australian number every time they play it (it’s 13 11 14).

#81: ‘Liability’ – Lorde

An observation: Lorde spends a lot of time in other people’s vehicles on Melodrama.

#80: ‘Say Something Loving’ – The xx

These guys are so minimalist, I’m not sure they recorded anything.

#79: ‘Hey, Did I Do You Wrong?’ – San Cisco

If you have to ask…

#78: ‘Electric Feel’ – Tash Sultana

Shock me like an incorrectly grounded pedal board with different voltage settings and cheap connector cables hastily mended with electric tape ripped off the stage floor of a venue.

#77: ‘Million Man’ – The Rubens

I was into these guys when they were #1 on the Hottest 100, so there!

#76: ‘Cloud 9 (feat. Kian)’ – Baker Boy

Baker Boy is the fucking best. Next.

#75: ‘Braindead’ – Dune Rats

I heartily endorse rhyming “bored” with “annoyed”.

#74: ‘XO Tour Llif3’ – Lil Uzi Vert

The finest example of what I am naming Xanax Emo Rap. This dude had such low expectations for this track that he didn’t bother to rename the file before uploading to Soundcloud, which sounds like a joke, but is very true.

#73: ‘Nuclear Fusion’ – King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard

A great argument in favour of recreational drug use.

#72: ‘In Cold Blood’ – alt-J

This song opens with binary code, and this band is named after a Mac keyboard shortcut – yet they insist on using real instruments like a bunch of fucking grandpas. Mixed messaging.

#71: ‘Perfect Places’ – Lorde

An observation: Lorde spends a lot of time dancing on Melodrama.

#70: ‘Amsterdam’ – Nothing But Thieves

Wasn’t “Amsterdam: Nothing But Thieves” a failed and misguided ‘edgy’ marketing slogan by the city’s tourism bureau?

#69: ‘I Love You, Will You Marry Me’ – YUNGBLUD

Sounds a lot like Bluejuice, only they would never profess love in such an unabashed manner.

#68: ‘Golden’ – Kingswood

Kingswood have really changed their sound, haven’t they?

#67: ‘Shred For Summer’ – DZ Deathrays

The EDM remix of this named ‘Shred For Stereosonic’ should be out by the time you’re reading this.

#66: ‘Lemon (feat. Rihanna)’ – N*E*R*D

One of only ten songs in this year’s countdown to quote rabbinic sage Hillel the Elder.

#65: ‘Everything Now’ – Arcade Fire

To be honest, I preferred when Arcade Fire wrote mainly about learning how to drive in the suburbs while listening to Neutral Milk Hotel.

#64: ‘Fool’s Gold’ – Jack River

This is just a fantastic song and I don’t have a joke for it.

#63: ‘Life Goes On’ – E^ST

So this is the song that autoplays on every three YouTube adverts. Also, sometimes life simply doesn’t go on.

#62: ‘Saved’ – Khalid

Not to be mistaken with DJ Khaled, or Khalil Bridal Store.

#61: ’21 Grams (feat. Hilltop Hoods)’ – Thundamentals

21 grams is the weight of a human soul, according to some dubious science done in 1904, when a doctor weighed a body before and after death. Of course, as we know now, this weight difference is due to the fact that your body sheds all human guilt and Simpsons quotes upon death.

#60: ‘Boys’ – Charli XCX

I have had legitimate arguments as to whether the blip sound in the hook is the sound effect used when Mario gets a coin, or a sped up version of when he gets a mushroom. As always, the truth lies somewhere in the middle.

#59: ‘Used To Be In Love’ – The Jungle Giants

Same.

#58: ‘The Opener’ – Camp Cope

Fun fact: One of the booking agents they are slamming in this song mismanaged things so badly his venue became an indoor putt-putt place. That’s called karma, or justice, or #GOLFLIFE or something.

#57: ‘Bad Dream’ – The Jungle Giants

Three minutes in, this song turns from a mid-tempo electro jam into a Neverending Story musical bed, and it’s so damn dreamy I’m pretty sure I believe in luck dragons now.

#56: ‘Watch Me Read You’ – Odette

A friend pointed out that the verses and the chorus for this sound like they first belonged to two separate songs later slammed together ‘A Day In The Life’ style, and now it’s all I can hear.

#55: ‘6 Pack’ – Dune Rats

This sounds litigiously-close to a Pink song. I’ll let you guess which one.

#54: ‘Homely Feeling’ – Hockey Dad

This verses really promise a kick-arse chorus. Luckily, Hockey Dad deliver – and are secretly disappointed you missed the triple-deke (that’s the second Mighty Ducks reference in this article).

#53: ‘Moments (feat. Gavin James)’ – Bliss N Eso

I’ll double-check with APRA and ARIA to be sure, but I thought Daniel Johns was the only one legally allowed to do wordless male falsetto hooks in Aussie hip hop/EDM songs.

#52: ‘Glorious (feat. Skylar Grey)’ – Macklemore

You know the scene in Almost Famous where they accidentally leave the lead singer behind at a roadhouse and drive off? I’m pretty sure that’s what happened to Ryan Lewis.

#51: ‘Man’s Not Hot’ – Big Shaq

Fun fact: the only artist named Shaq to chart in Australia since Shaquille O’Neal’s 1993 jam ‘Shoot Pass Slam‘. Also, bragging about being able to withstand the heat of the sun while wearing a jacket will never not be funny.

#50-#1 COMING TOMORROW. That’s enough reading for today. Log off, go outside and go for a walk. Remember going for walks?

::CHECK OUT PART TWO #50 – #1 HERE