Wife Delivers 'State Of The Household' Address As Soon As Husband Gets Home Each Day

OAK RIDGE, TN—The much anticipated State Of The Household address, a daily address by the chief executive of the home, Mrs. Andrea Miller, and typically intended for her husband, Gregory, is scheduled to take place around 5:15 PM today, which is exactly when Mr. Miller is expected to get home from work. Including this address, there have been 2,232 States Of The Household given by the chief executive in charge of the economy, domestic policy, and foreign policy of the home at 527 Evergreen Terrace Ln.

Initially, these State Of The Household messages were given in written form, mainly in text messages that were spread out over the course of the day. Sometimes, these early messages simply said "I love you. What do you want to do for dinner tonight? I think I have a dentist appointment next Tuesday."

As the office of household executive evolved and took on more responsibilities, it became more conventional to expect one big speech every time Greg got home. Once-simple messages containing information on various budget requests and giving general reports on the health of the bank account, these addresses have expanded over the years to include much-needed scheduling of the affairs of the growing home's ever-expanding occupants, such as soccer practices, piano lessons, church events, school functions, and also more touchy subjects related to the foreign policy such as homeowner's association meetings, social obligations such as making an appearance at family functions, and the semi-monthly visit of Gregory's mother-in-law, Karen.

Mrs. Miller is expected to bring up the dwindling economy ever since Gregory bought his new fishing tackle and hunting gear on their joint credit card. Some economists predict that Mrs. Miller will propose an austerity program and cutting some domestic programs like Netflix which the kids haven't been watching lately anyway. It is also expected that Andrea will propose giving Timothy, their teenage son, an allowance of $15 a week to take care of the yard work which has been in decline over recent months.

Andrea has a lifetime term in the position and has very high approval ratings in the polls when polling data excludes little Bobby, 3, when he is sitting in timeout for drawing his crayons all over the wall again.

Live coverage and real-time analysis of the speech will begin at 5:00 PM.

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost. Get FREE Access *with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee