How is the GOP’s Not-War On Women going? Oh… about the usual.

Last week the former god-bothering governor of Hillbilly Gilead, Mike Huckabee, Jeebusplained that American wimmens are but a wicked lot of slutty pieces of tail who are willing, nay anxious, to trade the most sacred and precious gift that Jesus endowed them with – their virginity vote – in exchange for a free lifetime supply of government birth control. Armed with this Strumpet Viagra these same ladies then would quit doing the important work of birthing both babies and sandwiches in order to sex it up all nigh long. In your dreams, pal.

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Then, over the weekend, merkin-topped broSenator Rand Paul of Galtucky explained to alleged “woman” Hillary Clinton that the First Rule Of War On Women Feminism is that there is no war on women and if Hillary ever brings it up again he will tell everyone how her husband got a blowey from that Lewinsky gal. Hah! Then EVERYONE will know and Hillary Clinton will be unable to ever become anything important in life like a senator or even maybe Secretary of State. Suck on that, Hitlery.

Meanwhile, seeing everyone else having fun and not wishing to be left standing there with his dick in his hand, one-and-done former Congressman and lady-hatin’ ragemonster Allen West explained on a wingnut man-talk radio show that women are strong – they are invincible – they are woman, and they shouldn’t believe anything other than that no matter how much ‘the left’ smooth talks directly at their lady vaginas.

Allen West says he agrees with former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee’s comment that Democrats act like women “cannot control their libido” — and the former Florida congressman adds: “The left tries to win the women’s vote by talking from the waist down.” “Gov. Huckabee has no reason to apologize and if anything the Democrats should be apologizing,” West told “The Steve Malzberg Show” on Newsmax TV. […] “I’m going to be very blunt, the left tries to win the women’s vote by talking from the waist down. What we have to do on our side as conservatives … we have to talk to their heart and we have to talk to their mind and that’s exactly what Gov. Huckabee was talking about drawing that delineation.”

Yes ladies, conservatives only want to speak to your lady brains and not that crazy plumbing down there because they respect your mind even though, if you want to get an abortion, you’re going to have to wait thirty days because your hormones are probably making you stupid and irrational. Oh, and they also want to force-feed a transvaginal wand into your junk because you are probably too dumb to know that there is a maybe-baby growing inside you and not … oh, I don’t know … a Miata or a set of steak knives or something. Additionally Allen West and his fellow conservatives will also speak to your “heart” and you gals can maybe let them but, personally and as a guy, I think they’re just going to try and motorboat you. But it will be a respectful motorboating because that is the least you deserve from them and probably the most you will ever get…