“A is for Abbath, in Blashyrkh ‘All Shall Fall,”

“B is for Bathory, who started it all.”

“But don’t forget Celtic Frost, and Cronos of Venom,”

“Naming the genre, starting riff armageddon.”

The blurb describing The ABCs of Black Metal, a new book written and illustrated by FlightofIcarus of Metal Trenches that serves well as both a primer on black metal history and a tool for teaching the alphabet, warns “Seriously though, don’t read this to your kids…”

But here’s the thing: when Neilstein spawn Maximus was a little wee newborn he would’ve LOVED this shit! Newborns can only see in black and white — and they can only make out rough shapes — so illustrations like the ones in The ABCs of Black Metal are perfect for their undeveloped eyes! We’d show him black and white picture books designed specifically for newborns and the guy would be transfixed, insomuch as a two-week old baby can be transfixed on anything that isn’t a boob.

Got a two-year-old, though? Yeah… you might wanna heed the author’s warning, because the imagery here is likely to inspire nightmares. Here are a couple of samples:

Buy The ABCs of Black Metal as an e-book here for just $4.