My dad held my patriarchal blessing over my head for so many things. I tried to choose my own path for my career and was told my first three choices were not allowed because they didn’t fall in line with what my patriarchal blessing “said” or at least how my parents interpreted it. I now have a bachelor’s degree in something I will never be able to use without more schooling.

My dad also told me on one specific occasion that I had relinquished some of my blessings promised to me because of some choices I made.

– Anonymous

A couple whole paragraphs in my patriarchal blessing are dedicated to my husband and how he will be called to great leadership positions in the church and that it’s my job to love, sustain, support him, etc. In his patriarchal blessing, the only thing it says about me is that in time he will find an “acceptable wife.”

– Anonymous

One Sunday in December of 2018, my husband and I took our 16 year old son to the stake patriarch for his patriarchal blessing. The patriarch visited with us for about 15 minutes before performing the blessing. At one point, he said to my son, “The Lord does all things in patriarchal order, so listen to him.” Then he pointed to my husband. My jaw dropped and I looked at my husband’s expression to see if it made him at all uncomfortable. It didn’t phase him. I cried about it for a week before I told him how much it hurt me. He might have been listening to me, but he didn’t say anything. I was really hoping for him to validate my feelings, but he didn’t at all. After a few more weeks, I shared my feelings about that with my son. I was talking to him about the recent changes in the temple for women and it seemed an appropriate time. He was slightly more thoughtful and sympathetic than my husband, but he has been raised in the same system my husband was, and gender equality in church is foreign to him.

– JS

I was initially denied a recommend to get my patriarchal blessing by a bishop. I was turning 16 on Easter Sunday, and I wanted to receive my blessing that day from my grandpa who was a patriarch in a different stake. My bishop kept saying, “oh, it’s a tradition in some families to get a patriarchal blessing when you turn 16, but you need to read your scriptures more to make sure you’re not giving in to family pressure and to be sure this is the right time for you.” He kept ignoring me when I said no, it wasn’t a tradition, and that this was what I wanted. I left sobbing. My mom went in and probably ripped him a new one because I got my recommend and I got my patriarchal blessing the day I turned 16.

– Terina Holmes

Pro Tip: Patriarchal blessings can be a tool to help individuals feel God’s purpose in their lives. Using a patriarchal blessing for coercion or manipulation–whether by a bishop providing a recommend, a patriarch giving the blessing, or a parent or spouse reading the blessing of another–is wrong.

Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)

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