Why I Come Out as Bisexual Before Every First Date

There’s no question it’s tougher dating as a bi man than dating as a straight or gay man. The irony doesn’t escape me. Despite having a larger number of people we’re attracted to than straight and gay men, we’re still more limited than monosexuals (people attracted to solely one gender). People believe vicious stereotypes about bisexuals: we can’t be monogamous, we’re sexually greedy, we’ll never be satisfied with one gender, we spread HIV, we’re indecisive, or we’re in denial of our “true” sexual orientation AKA being gay. Or, they fetishize us, believing we’re more “masculine” than our gay counterparts and are thus “hot.” Even the good-hearted, open-minded people, who don’t believe these stereotypes, still may not want to date a bisexual man because we are more work. There’s no denying it. When you date a bisexual man, you take on a slew of additional challenges that you wouldn’t have to deal with dating a monosexual man. People will inevitably harass you, saying, “You know your boyfriend is gay, right?” And you will have to be incredibly secure in yourself that we are not going to leave you for another gender. That we can be satisfied with just you. No matter how many times we promise that to you—you, yourself, will have to believe it. You are going to have to trust us in a way that you’ve never trusted anyone else before.

However, there is a silver lining to dating as a bi guy that isn’t too often discussed. Being bisexual is a great filter of character. I repeat for emphasis: a great filter of character. The men and women who do want to date bisexuals are more understanding, open, sensitive, critical, introspective, and secure in who they are.

I used to go on dates after meeting someone on Tinder only to reveal I was bisexual midway through the date. I would say it organically, casually mentioning my past ex of another gender. Not surprisingly, many were taken back, and didn’t want to go on a second date. Not only would I feel rejected, I felt I had wasted so much time. I had got excited and dressed up, only to be rejected because of my sexuality. So I started telling people beforehand I was bisexual, and while fewer people messaged me and responded to messages, I had significantly better dates with the women and men I did meet up with.

Being open to dating a bisexual should not be that big of a deal, and the vast majority of people should be okay with it. Alas, that’s just not the reality of the world we live in. But keep your chin up high, for those you do meet–who do not care about your sexuality–will truly like you for being you. And these are the types of people you want to be dating anyway.

So it turns out dating as bi guy isn’t all that bad. We get to know from the get-go if the guy or girl sucks. We don’t waste any time. So when you’re feeling a little down in the dating world, take your bisexuality for what it is: a blessing in disguise.