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In what’s considered the biggest collaboration in human history, millions of Game of Thrones fans have kicked in money for an Anti-Death Fund, designed to maximise the life expectancy of creator George R.R. Martin.

The ‘George R.R. United Fighting Fund’ or GRUFF for short, is the brainchild of Jamen Staff, who outlined progress to date.

“The real Game of Thrones fans, those who’ve read the books before the show arrived, have traditionally seen the casual TV show fans as minions of the Seven Hells determined to distract George from his true mission in life. It’s their vacuous squealing over each episode that’s meant George has been distracted with the TV shows at the expense of the books. As a group, the true fans have generally agreed to put that behind us, and to work with the TV fan kidlets to protect the future of both the books and TV series.”

Staff’s colleague, GRUFF treasurer Leanne ‘Iron Bank’ Williams, provided a thirty slide Powerpoint presentation on the money raised, which is in excess of five million dollars. “It’s been pretty easy to raise to be honest. With the show rating the way it is, random phone calls to people on a Monday morning work well. We state we’re calling from the Government and that we’ve noted the Sunday night Bit Torrent downloads they’ve been making. That tends to see spontaneous and generous donations.”

When asked why Mr. Martin needs the money given his success as an author, Ms Williams was frank. “He doesn’t, but we’re going to use the money to buy every business in his hometown. Each business will be staffed by members of the fund, all with access to George’s details so they can be sure that he maintains his health optimally. Just think of what we can do. We’ll control all food, transport and energy – we project that within six months he’ll be feeling the best he has in years. If that’s not fans caring, I don’t know what is.”

When asked what Mr Martin would think of this strategy, Jamen Staff was emphatic.

“It’s not about him – he’s just the currently unhealthy vessel for the eventually completed book series. If he finishes the last two books, he can do what he likes after that. Although there’s some who feel a prequel series would be nice, so I won’t rule out an ongoing campaign. Either way, once it’s all done we’ll sell up all the assets and donate them to the slaves of Westeros. It’s a great win-win situation.”

The Snark is The Creative Shed’s Satire News Section. 100% of it is satire and in no way resembles reality. Reality is way sillier than this stuff. Follow The Snark on Facebook and Twitter

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