TRANSPORT chiefs have confirmed that watching pornography on the bus is unacceptable unless it is a rail replacement bus.

Operators of public transport have agreed that the growing trend for men to view porn on their phones in the presence of other passengers is offensive and must halt immediately, with one exception.

A department of transport spokesman said: “For example if you’ve paid through the nose for a train ticket and suddenly you find yourself disembarking at some shithole like Newark North Gate where there’s a coach idling malevolently.

“And then, while expecting to be whisked straight back onto your train, you find yourself crawling through the middle of nowhere to call in at Retford to pick up more people when they could have just put two buses on.

“And then you queue through two miles of traffic in Doncaster, of all places, because the driver doesn’t know the area and the station’s right in the bloody centre of town. In those circumstances, porn is absolutely fine.”

Commuter Susan Traherne said: “My £170 train to London kicked us onto a coach at Lichfield Trent Valley without warning. I’m not ashamed to say we had a full orgy.”