Terminally ill father says changes to widowed parent’s allowance that come into force this Thursday are ‘daylight robbery’

“My death, on or before Thursday, changes my family’s wellbeing to the tune of tens of thousands. It is utterly unbelievable.”

Alan’s voice cracked, not just with emotion but the brutal impact of four years of cancer that started in a tonsil before spreading to his lungs and chest, delivering a terminal diagnosis in June, 2015.

By December, last year, the 51-year-old husband and father (who has asked the Guardian not to use his real name in order to protect his family) was given between one and five months to live.

His mind quickly focused on the lives of his wife, Kate, and their children, a 10-year-old daughter and 14-year-old son, after his death. He feared the “whirlwind of emotional and financial distress and turmoil” heading towards them as he grappled to draw up a plan.

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Then came a bitter blow that has led Alan to speak out urgently against a Conservative policy being rolled out this week, despite voting for Theresa May’s party all his life.

The father and businessman, who was forced to give up work due to his illness, realised that if he survived beyond midnight this Wednesday 5 April, his family could be stripped of tens of thousands of pounds of critical financial support over the next decade.

Changes to the widowed parent’s allowance mean a benefit of around £112 a week until the youngest child leaves full-time education, perhaps in 10 years’ time, will be replaced by £350 a month (£80 a week) for a maximum period of just a year and a half.

“Based on the ages of our children and on my probable death – I would imagine this year – I had calculated that we would be entitled to about £58,000,” said Alan, who lives with his family in Barnet, London. “The new calculation shocked me. My life is now deemed to be worth £6,300.”

A government spokesperson said the financial gap would be reduced somewhat by the new system being tax-free. They also said families were eligible for a slightly higher lump sum payment immediately after the death of £3,500 rather than £2,000.

But Alan said the increase was “smoke and mirrors” and that the tax change did nothing to alleviate the many years of lost income.

After years paying into the system, Alan described the change as “daylight robbery”.

“The amount of money I’ve built up in my full state pension is more than the government would be paying out in the current widowed parent’s allowance. Assuming I started my pension at 68 and that the average male expectancy 81 – that is £120,000.”

He said the move was “callous and brutal” and that it showed no compassion, stressing that his family is “just about managing” and would be struggling even more after his death.

Kate agreed: “I feel like they are stealing from us. They’ve taken what Alan is owed.”

The couple also said that a letter to their local MP, Matthew Offord, copied to the prime minister, Theresa May, and the chancellor, Philip Hammond, on 24 February had not yet been answered. A follow-up on 10 March also received no reply, he said.

“Time is slipping away,” said Kate, describing her shock at what she sees as being blanked. “The sand is going through an hourglass. It is disappearing. Every day we look and say ‘he’s alive - will he be tomorrow?’”

She said it was difficult to find words to describe “the hell we’ve lived for four years” through painful bouts of treatment with sickening side-effects, her husband being fed through a tube to the stomach, ambulances, hospital appointments, worsening diagnoses and then the terrible news: “There is nothing more we can do.”

“Our legs move and our bodies move but we can’t really breathe,” added the 48-year-old psychotherapist. “Now we’ve been over-looked, ignored, let down. It is like nobody cares.”

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The benefit change was like “being thumped in the face when you can’t take any more”, she claimed – describing her acute anxiety for the future.

The government has argued that the policy change is fair because these days women are more likely to work and so are less dependent on their spouse’s income.

But Kate says that she can already only work part-time as she cares for her sick husband and strives to be there for her children’s school pick-ups. Life after his death will trigger a “new nightmare of struggle”, she argued, with no magic bullet at 18 months.

Alan said he voted Conservative and felt “utterly let down”. He described reading the Tory 2015 manifesto from cover to cover and stressed that there was no mention of this reform. “There is no political mandate - it is a moral outrage.”

As well as speaking to the Guardian, Alan and Kate spoke emotionally about their case on LBC radio alongside a number of bereaved families who also expressed their shock.

A DWP spokesperson said: “We’re modernising the support we offer, replacing an outdated system that doesn’t reflect people’s lives today. The new Bereavement Support Payment is simpler, easier to understand, tax-free and doesn’t affect the amount received from other benefits, so families can access wider welfare support.”

They argued that families could be compensated by increases to other benefits.

Charities admit that the changes affect families in different ways but said that DWP figures suggested that overall 91% of parents will be supported for a shorter period, while 75% will be worse off in cash terms of as a result of the change. Working families with young children will lose £23,500 on average, they suggest.