If I have to hear one more astrologer telling me I am doing my best, I am going to lose it.

We are living through an astrological boom, people keep telling us. There are many new books out on the subject; there are celebrity astrologers; there are half a dozen astrology apps with major VC investment; every women’s media outlet from fashion magazines to Vice subsidiary Broadly has regular horoscope columns; Prada, Versace and Gucci have released astrology-inspired fashion.

And if you’re on social media, you’ve probably been attacked by astrology memes, where whole careers have been made from a person’s ability to tell you which character from the Netflix show You you are, based on your astrological sign. Oh my God, I’m such a Dottie! (Who the hell is Dottie, by the way?) Astrology is entering the mainstream.

As someone who has studied astrology and the esoteric arts, I am here to give you my expert opinion on this trend: this has absolutely nothing to do with astrology. It’s just a new wave of self-help.

Throughout history, astrology has been deeply intertwined with religion and spirituality – because its concerns were often religious and spiritual. How do I live a good life? Why am I suffering? What do the gods want from me? And yes, a lot of people just wanted to know when they were going to fall in love, and leaders like Elizabeth I and Ronald Reagan just wanted to know when it was the best time to go harass the poor people again, but every major religion has at one time or another used astrology to ease communication between earth and the heavens and show its followers where their free will collides with the vagaries of fate.

Contemporary astrology has all the spiritual content of a feelgood Lizzo anthem – you know, the one where Lizzo allegedly stole a tweet from fellow female musician Mina Lioness and turned it into a lyric without attributing it, made a fortune off it, and then only after a year of hounding and some legal proceedings finally admitted she didn’t write her most famous hook.

Divorced from its religious framework, then, astrology just becomes a form of self-help. How should I dress as an Aries rising? What music does my Scorpio sun want to listen to? And, as in self-help, everything bad that happens is just a lesson or an opportunity for growth. It’s the same line of thinking that gets you to “Cancer is a gift”. If you’re struggling financially, maybe you have some money karma to resolve. If you’re lonely, maybe you’re just not “showing up for yourself” romantically.

The implication is that everything in your life is ultimately within your control; it’s just a matter of working it the right way. Take, for example, the hottest new astrology book, Chani Nicholas’s You Were Born for This: Astrology for Radical Self-Acceptance (sigh).

Nicholas is often credited with creating a new woke astrology. She runs workshops with names like “Self-Care Strategies for Crushing the Patriarchy” (sigh). She uses words like “capitalism” and “colonialism” in her horoscopes, yet her focus remains almost entirely on helping the individual thrive under such conditions through changes of behavior.

Pluto, god of the underworld, often represents the darker experiences, and a square is seen as a difficult aspect. Of my Pluto square sun, Nicholas writes: “You are someone who, if you chose to heal from your more harrowing Pluto experiences, is comfortable plumbing the depths of the psyche and soul. The kind of personal power this creates in you is undeniable.” Oh, well, if only I “chose” to “heal” sooner, maybe I would be rewarded with the riches and the blessings she speaks of throughout her book.

This way of thinking, which was popularized by the New Age and Oprah industries, is pernicious in contemporary astrology. If you’re having a hard time, it is probably your fault. (It’s also a total misunderstanding of what Pluto actually does in a chart, which is more of a representation of the shadow side of society and cultural shifts controlled by the powerful, but sure, OK, whatever.)

I’ve had an astrologer tell me that the reason I lost a job was because it wasn’t helping me “live out my higher purpose”. Well, it was helping me pay for groceries, so who cares about a higher purpose? This kind of thinking might be useful to the type of person who can pay hundreds of dollars for a private consultation with an astrologer. For those who are scraping by, however, it’s condescending and insulting.

Nicholas might use terminology borrowed from astrology – like moon signs and sextiles and whatever – but ultimately she could be talking about Myers-Briggs or blood types or any other attempts to divide people into cohesive little groups. With so much of contemporary astrology focused on how each sign just is, perhaps it’s no wonder we’re starting to see discussion of whether or not it’s legal to discriminate against a specific astrological sign. (And anyway, a sun in Taurus is about understanding yourself through your good and painful experiences with Venusian values like beauty and money, but sure, OK, whatever.)

A true astrological revival seems like it might be useful, because what astrology is really good at is bestowing and creating meaning. It’s not about truth, it’s not about destiny, it’s about finding meaning in your life through story and metaphor and reflection. It can help a person understand where the intersection lies between the individual and the family, community and society exists and whether how that influence changes from positive to restrictive. It helps to bring a long-term perspective to changes, rather than keeping them in a sometimes terrifying present.

Meaning, however, is not easily distilled into a 200-page book, and a search for meaning often leads us into the arms of predatory con artists, gurus and those trying to capitalize on a moment. When the astrology boom is over, something else that will tell people what they want to hear will replace it, but the millennia-old practice of real astrology will remain. The bust will come when Neptune gets out of Pisces, despite all the astrologers who promised that transit would bring us “a renewed spirituality”. (Pisces is also about insanity and fraud, but sure, OK, whatever.)