Phil Jones is a Sloppy Joe. Way too messy, and not as good as you thought.

Does this article even need an introduction? This is objective, peer-reviewed, scientific analysis. We here at The Busby Babe will be taking no further questions at this time, but feel free to argue amongst yourselves in the comments.

Bruno Fernandes

What a debut.

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The Popeye’s Fried Chicken Sandwich: New on the scene, and came with massive expectations. But the hype is real: it has reinvigorated the franchise. Does it have staying power? Remains to be seen.

Top drawer

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The Five Guys Cheeseburger: Probably overpriced, but actually excellent. Needlessly and endlessly divisive. Its detractors will tell you that there are better options out there for better value, and that it doesn’t all live up to the hype. Its defenders will tell you that there’s a reason it’s so highly rated.

Eric Bailly

If only it could be available year-round...

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The McDonald’s McRib: Very good. In high demand. Typically only available for a limited time.

Jesse Lingard

Are we sure this is a thing?

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The In-N-Out Burger Secret Menu: You heard about its existence (his goal scoring ability) but can't actually see it.

David de Gea

Quality may have dropped off recently, but still class

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The Chipotle Burrito: Consistently good with a lot of different elements that make it unique to its peers. But, occasionally, something will spill out of the back even when you have a hand on it.

McSlabhead

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The McDonald’s 10-Piece McNugget: No flash. Just consistent as hell even during — wait for it — DIPS in form. You can rely on this whenever you need it.

Andreas Pereira

“Lemme get a...uhhhh...”

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The Taco Bell Mexican Pizza: Always, always, ALWAYS a choice made when you’re out of other options or you’re under the influence.

Fred’s 2020 season

52 million pounds sterling

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Taco Bell’s Mountain Dew Baja Blast: Unbelievably cool and refreshing.

Juan Mata

There is no such thing as a good billionaire.

Photo credit should read FREDERIC J. BROWN/AFP via Getty Images

The Dairy Queen Blizzard: Always been something a luxury item, but was once genuine top quality. These days though, you should really limit how often you indulge in it.

Alexis Sánchez

Even Cincinnati deserves better than this.

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The Skyline Chili 3-Way: Genuinely the worst thing in the world. Seemed like a good idea at first, but causes immediate, painful regret.