The deep chill in this market that began last week is now reaching historical proportions. The S&P 500 has logged five-straight sessions without a daily price change of more than 0.1%. That ties the record for the most ever, dating back to 1928 when the index was launched, according to New York-based investment strategist Walter Murphy.

Looks like more of the same molasses-drenched trading in the wee hours. Meaning we could see a first-time event by the time the day’s over. Surely Guinness will want to document the most boring stretch of trading ever seen. Thrilling stuff. And maybe a bit bearish.

It’s fitting that this market freeze coincides with the onset of harsh winter weather across the U.S. Hey, it’s almost sock time here in Southern California, and with the dropping temperatures and driving snow comes another arrow for the quiver of excuses companies can use should things go sideways through the holidays (see chart of the day).

The market may be cutting a glacial path higher, but if the sliver of gains in the early going hold throughout the day, it’ll mark the 43rd record high of the year. One day, of course, it’ll all come crumbling down, but that could be years away, according to Carl Icahn (more from him below).

Key market gauges

Futures on the S&P US:ESZ4 and the Dow US:YMZ4 are caught in a microscopic range early, with both leaning to the downside. Europe SXXP, -3.24% is nudging higher. Gold GCZ24, looks to make it three out of four sessions in the green, with Japanese news giving a boost (more on that in economy below). The Nikkei’s NIK, +0.17% closed up 2% ahead of the Japan headlines, pacing a mostly upbeat session in Asia ADOW, -1.13% , Crude CLZ24, -1.04% is drifting close to breaking below $75 a barrel.

The quote of the day

“There are no novels that I like to read so I write my own novels, and then I read them again, and it’s the best thing.” — Uh, mmmk. That’s from Willow Smith, in a New York Times interview offering a glimpse of the weirdness that often comes with being the child of profound celebrity.

Earnings

Urban Outfitters URBN, -6.57% is getting fleeced this morning after the company said late Monday that its earnings fell 33% during the October quarter.

Not much going on, calendar-wise. Home Depot HD, -2.36% is down a bit on its results and Dick’s Sporting Goods DKS, -2.53% is off even more after reporting. Manchester United MANU, -2.92% is up after its results. The club could really use something positive, considering it sits in seventh place, trailing rival Chelsea by 13 points.

The economy

The producer price index for October showed a 0.2% rise, against a slight decrease in prices. A slight decrease in prices is expected. At 10:00 AM, the November NAHB homebuilder survey will be released and the reading is expected to rise to 55, a number which means more builders are optimistic about sales.

Japanese shoppers got a reprieve from a sales-tax hike this morning, after Shinzo Abe slapped an 18-month delay on the increase planned for next year. Japan’s PM also said he’ll dissolve the lower house of parliament on Friday, with a snap election to come in December. The dollar slipped versus the yen USDJPY, +0.12% after Abe’s presser.

The buzz

Neil Young is a campaigner against Starbucks SBUX, -2.22% and Monsanto US:MON. He’s seen the GMOs and the damage done. But everybody knows this is going nowhere, and investors are responding by walking on and doing absolutely nothing with the stock. Read more on his stance from the man himself. Tell them why, Neil (OK, I’ll stop now).

Uber exec thought it’d be a good idea to tell journalists that he’s thinking about digging up dirt on other journalists. Hey, he thought it was off the record. Uber seems to court controversy and this one blew up overnight. Senior VP Emil Michael raised the possibility of spending “a million dollars” to hire opposition researchers and employ Nixon-style tactics against critical journalists and “give the media a taste of its own medicine.” Uber, but for backpedaling from stupid comments.

One day, we may have to describe the taste of chocolate US:CCH5 to our grandkids. The world seems to be running out. Two of the worlds’ biggest chocolate makers warn that by 2020, consumption could jump to 1 million metric tons, up from 70,000 in 2013. The Washington Post reports we’re in the midst of the longest streak of chocolate deficits in more than half a century. And it’s getting worse. Next thing you know, they’ll be cutting chocolate with fat and chemicals.

Samsung Electronics is slashing away at its lineup of phones by up to 30% in its quest to cut costs and stay relevant as competition in the space just keeps heating up. Meanwhile, Apple AAPL, +0.44% shares just took out another high of a pre-split $805.14.

The chart (map) of the day

Companies running out of excuses as to why their profits aren’t up to snuff just got a boost from Mother Nature. The cold is back, and it’s already breaking records. In fact, as you can see by this tweet, every state is enduring freezing temperatures somewhere. Even Hawaii. The Weather Channel says that by Wednesday, more than 100 daily lows could be broken in various areas across the country. Zero Hedge calls it “the cruel monetary-policy-nullifying devil of Polar Vortex 2.0” and says “companies will have more than just the strong dollar and weak foreign growth to blame for earnings weakness.”

The call of the day

Carl Icahn says he’s shorting the S&P SPX, -1.96% to protect against a steep pullback in the market. But he’ is looking for that to happen a few years from now. “I am still concerned that one day you’ll see a break like you had a few weeks ago,” Icahn said at the Reuters Global Investment Outlook Summit in New York, “but it won’t come back.” He recognizes that his view isn’t on the side of the Wall Street majority, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. “I like being a minority,” Icahn said. Oh, and while he said earnings have been suspect, he reiterated his love for Apple AAPL, +0.44% .

Random reads

This may be one of the last profiles of Charles Manson as an eligible bachelor.

My local high school is shutting down because of some online threats. Anonymous — great work with the KKK, now maybe find the guy behind this?

A chat with one of the MANY women accusing Bill Cosby of rape.

From the fields of the NFL, to the fields of the farm. Goodbye, $37 million, hello, tractor.

The black-footed ferret is back from extinction!

Jose Canseco is selling the gun that blew off his finger.

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