Pulling off the road to park for the first spot a Gazprom team car followed our lead, but with a lot less caution and ripped the bumper off – oops.

As I’m lining up the first shot an official comes running over to tell me I need to be behind the barbed wire fence for for my own “safety”. As everybody knows there is nothing safer than a barbed wire fence, just ask Johnny Hoogerland. Then as I straddle the thing my shorts get caught. Do I really need to spell this out to you? Barbed wire to the balls – I’d rather have taken my chances with the peloton.