Helpful honking to become highlight

Following this weekend’s Singapore Grand Prix, F1 bosses have pulled forward a new plan to hold the attention of TV viewers by intermittently playing air horn sounds during races.

Under the new scheme, live races will be punctuated by loud blasts of noise at regular intervals, described by F1 as “attention alerts” and designed to shock less attentive viewers who may be “encountering a loss of concentration and/or consciousness during the competitive race period”.

“It has not escaped our notice that some TV viewers may be encountering difficulties in remaining focussed on the auto racing for some reason,” explained Liberty spokeswomen, Liberty Spokewoman. “Commercially, this is not good news as we need full attention from viewers at all times so that they may look at the Rolex hoardings on the track and the meaningless slogans on those new digital sign boards. That why we’re going to play air horn sounds every few minutes to wake them up. Sorry, I mean, recover them from a state of less-than-ideal attention paying”.

Ms Spokeswoman later confirmed that the new plan will come into play at the forthcoming Russian Grand Prix, which is famed for its ability to cause viewers to lose attentiveness/the will to live.

“A loud noise that makes you pay attention? Count me in!” said Sergio Perez.