Bravo rebranded its annual let's-wring-as-much-ratings-from-this-trainwreck-as-possible "lost footage" episode of "Real Housewives of New Jersey" this season as "Secrets Revealed." Here they are, in case you decided to skip the episode in favor of doing something more worthwhile, like, oh, trying to find a word that rhymes with Ebola. (Granola? Viola?)

1. How to avoid getting hepatitis in a strip club. (Dina Manzo reveals: Don't bite the gloves!) The ladies took a burlesque class at Ivan Kane's Royal Jelly Burlesque Nightclub in the now-shuttered Revel during a trip to Atlantic City way back in December. Amber Marchese lets it all hang out, including one nipple, while Melissa Gorga is overly concerned — okay, make that appropriately concerned — that her tampon string is not hanging out. After checking out Melissa's routine, Amber says we can finally put all those rumors about Melissa's alleged past as a stripper to rest: "Damn. She looks like a goat trying to dance burlesque."

2. How to avoid choking on popcorn. Sit up when you're eating, instructs Joe Giudice, who is a font of useful parenting tidbits while Teresa Giudice is in Atlantic City. Milania also threatens to backhand Gia — promises! — and Joe is aggravated by their dog Bella: "You're pissing me off with your hidden poops!"

3. How to alienate an entire city. Dina snipes about Atlantic City, "It's a melting pot of white trash. It's (bleeping) gross." Meanwhile, I could have sworn that Melissa characterized her hopes for the A.C. weekend thusly: "It's gonna be a vomiting experience for all of us." Record scratch! Rewind! Oh, "bonding experience." I'd prefer the former, but okay.

4. How to start a fight between Amber and Teresa Aprea: Have either one of them open their mouths. A drunk Amber gets mad when Teresa A. tells her to settle down at dinner, while Teresa A. targets Amber when she and the rest of the ladies head to the casino floor while the twins are still primping.

5. How to have sex with Joe Giudice without mussing one's hair: Okay, this one is a visual. I can't bring myself to type it. You'll have to watch for yourself.

6. How to say no to someone for the most picayune reason possible: Teresa G. rejects Kathy Wakile's request to write a blurb for her new dessert cookbook because Kathy gave her a dictionary as a gag gift at the cousins' Christmas dinner. Although the exchange makes it unclear whether Kathy actually intended the gift for Teresa specifically, or whether Rosie Pierri decided to give Kathy's gift to her. Doesn't matter to Teresa: "But Rosie's not asking me to write a blurb for her." A flummoxed Kathy explains to us, "The gag gift is annual thing we do. It's light-hearted. It's a joke, Teresa. Get it? HA HA." Love that Kathy calls back Teresa's reaction to Caroline's admittedly overblown anger about her jokes in her "Skinny Italian" cookbook. Love — in a different way — that Dina tries to get Kathy to admit it was "kind of a joke." "It was a joke," Kathy says. No, Kathy, there is no winning. Move on.

Best quote: "You got to think about like, how crazy women are. Like, we bleed for five days and we don't die. You should never trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die." — Dina Manzo.

On location: The bankrupt Revel, including Ivan Kane's Royal Jelly Burlesque Club and Azure by Allegretti; Char Steakhouse in either Red Bank or Raritan (help me out, people); Fresco in Montclair.

I'll be live tweeting part one of the "Real Housewives of New Jersey" reunion next week at @VickiHy.

Vicki Hyman may be reached at vhyman@njadvancemedia.com. Follow her on Twitter @vickihy. Find NJ.com/Entertainment on Facebook.