Through it all, Sam kept training and got stronger. He gained the discipline to work hard, even in a losing streak. Especially in a losing streak, he told me. “You have to have something, or you’ll just keep losing.”

Experts suggest that this is the attitude that can turn bad experiences into profitable ones. Christopher Peterson, a professor of psychology at the University of Michigan who has studied the effects of optimism and pessimism, said experts in his field try to help patients “reframe things” to see loss more positively. That might mean encouraging them to take pride in getting through an awful experience, or saying “you didn’t fail, you found something that didn’t work.”

“It doesn’t mean turning people into a Pollyanna,” he said. Rather, it means reinforcing that “there are some good lessons to be learned about what happens in life.”

In Sam’s high school wrestling career, he also learned that victories and losses are a part of the game. When he first tried out for wrestling in eighth grade, he had a lot to learn  and many of the boys on his team had already gained years of experience, moves and strength. Sam tried to quit one day, walking up to tell the coach as the team was boarding the bus for a meet.

“Get on the bus,” the coach barked. Sam did.

His coach told him not to be discouraged.

“The first couple of years will be like this,” he said. But, he added, “you’re going to do well.”

By his senior year, Sam had transformed himself into a kid who won matches more often than he lost, even though his team lost more meets than it won. When Sam got his first pin as a varsity player, after so many losses and so much frustration, his teammates leaped to their feet to hug him. The cheer from the stands was deafening. And stoic Sam smiled.

One of the biggest cheers Sam ever got during wrestling was, in fact, for a loss. One night when he lost a match, there was a thunderous ovation. I was clueless. Another dad saw my confusion and asked, “Don’t you even know what he just did?”