If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” Dalai Lama

Cultivating compassion is one of the few things that can have a lasting impact on long-term happiness.



Lucky for us, research has shown that one’s compassion is a bit like a muscle – it can be improved through practice.



Researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison’s Center for Investigating Healthy Minds found that participants who only had 30 minutes a day of online practice for two weeks through a guided compassion meditation (7 hours total) were more willing than a control group to help strangers being treated unfairly.

The participants also saw changes in brain regions involved in understanding suffering of others and regulating emotions.

Increasing our compassion helps us really see other people as people. It helps us think about the consequences of our actions, the hurt and pain we can cause, or the distress we can relieve. Of course, we should harbour no illusions that there are people in the world who might want to do us harm, but practicing compassion allows us to overcome the ‘eye for an eye’ mentality that almost always makes things worse. So many situations escalate and relationships deteriorate because we can’t overcome that sense of being wronged, of bitterness and the need for retaliation. These feelings, as Anne Lamott would say, are “like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.” Practicing compassion is the path to better relationships, greater self-worth, happiness and kindness to others. The process goes something like this:



1. Think of someone you love.

2. Imagine or remember a time when they were suffering or in pain.

3. Observe the thoughts and feelings that arise on experiencing them suffer.

4. Actively wish the suffering is relieved. “May you have happiness. May you be free from suffering. May you have joy and ease.”

Compassion for someone you love is like lifting the lightest weight. Now add a little bit more weight – compassion towards yourself. We are often unreasonably hard on ourselves. What we would understand and forgive in our loved ones does not come as easily when looking inward. 1. Imagine or remember a time when you were suffering or in pain.

2. Observe the thoughts and feelings that arise.

3. Actively wish the suffering is relieved. “May you have happiness. May you be free from suffering. May you have joy and ease.” Again, that might not have come as easily, but you’ve had some practice now. Move on to the next weight level, a stranger, someone neutral you might see on the street, in the supermarket or catching the bus. 1. Hold the stranger in your mind.

2. Imagine a time when they would be suffering or in pain.

3. Observe the thoughts and feelings that arise on experiencing them suffer,

4. Actively wish the suffering is relieved. “May you have happiness. May you be free from suffering. May you have joy and ease.”

Lastly, the compassion you’ve harnessed can be directed at the most difficult people in your life.

1. Hold the difficult person in your mind. 2. Imagine a time when they would be suffering or in pain. 3. Observe the thoughts and feelings that arise on experiencing them suffer, 4. Actively wish the suffering is relieved. “May you have happiness. May you be free from suffering. May you have joy and ease.”

You can download the audio recordings and scripts of the meditation here from the Center for Investigating Healthy Minds. Try it for two weeks, 30 minutes a day, and see how you feel at the end.

Most people, most of the time, are simply trying their best to make their way in life. Practice compassion. Be good to each other – we’re all human.