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Now that we've covered your ass, the next logical way to imbibe booze is through a hole that's already plugged -- your eye. "Logical," if you're the kind of person who posts videos of your own mild suffering on YouTube because "it's so awesome, dude!" Then later you do the cinnamon challenge, suck a condom up your nose, and eat some ghost peppers, because you are a dickhead. The media were tickled pink to discover this trend and reported on the awfulness of it while calling it a "disturbing trend" as many times per minute as the FCC would allow.

Like filling your other non-drinking holes before it, the idea of eyeball shots was labeled either a fad or a hoax by some after the initial media frenzy to share the traumatic stories with us, but, as we've learned, it doesn't matter if it was fake before the news broke the story, because it sure as shit became real after, and YouTube had hundreds of videos to back it up. Some even went back as far as 2006 to indicate that people were really this dumb before CNN and FOX told them to be this dumb.

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The closest thing we have to an active Justice League, the American Academy of Ophthalmology, came out against the practice, as it is their sworn duty to oppose you putting shit in your eye, as anyone who remembers the great "Salt in Your Eye" coup of '88 can attest to. The day we all saw the blurry, watery forms of ophthalmologists landing on the beach was a day that lives on in all our hearts. They also brought with them the double-barreled attack of common sense and vague knowledge of anatomy, which thoroughly trounced the idea behind eyeball shots. Firstly, for those who didn't notice, your fucking eye is in your eye. This is why we consume most nutrients through the mouth -- there isn't a big thing plugging the gap. Secondly, your eye is sealed up pretty damn tight and has fairly small blood vessels, meaning its ability to absorb anything into the bloodstream is remarkably limited. Of all the inefficient ways to absorb alcohol, this would be the most inefficient, as it is more likely just to cause permanent damage to your vision, rather than give you a buzz. Literally the only stupider ways you could try to get booze into your body would be telekinetically or using your urethra as a straw.