Amber Rudd facing DWP sanctions because ‘My boss is insane and will start a civil war’ considered insufficient reason to quit

After Amber Rudd resigned in support of the twenty-one Conservative colleagues sacked last week, the decorated former Stasi officer who now serves as the DWP’s media consultant told reporters, ‘That sounds like a moral judgement. Morality has no place within these walls’.

The DWP spokesperson explained that Rudd would get no special consideration just because her boss is a sociopath entirely devoid of empathy.

He continued, “We had someone come in for an interview last week who was on fire – literally ablaze – and we still made him wait twenty minutes for his appointment.

“I understand he was given a three-week sanction as the burning smell emanating from him would obviously put off potential employers. That’s self-inflicted harm that the government obviously shouldn’t have to cover.”

As Home Secretary, Rudd was criticised for the poor treatment of British people, treatment for which she was directly responsible.

When approached for comment, she told reporters, “Every day, my former department would leave people homeless, without food, grind them down mentally and enforce draconian penalties for minor breaches of the rules – by and large, these people all earned less than £80,000 per year, so they objectively have less value.

“But this is different because the people being treated slightly shabbily are now people that I know.

“Also, Boris seems to be galvanising the country against parliament in a way that can only end with the violent and complete dismantling of our current system of government.

“So that’s not cool.”

Like many people sanctioned by the DWP, Rudd is a former investment banker, venture capitalist and prior director of two offshore companies so should be able to manage the first month without resorting to food-banks.