Door-To-Door Atheists Seen As Neighborhood Nuisance

RANCHO PEÑASQUITOS — Last Thursday James and Mary Winfield were enjoying a quiet evening in their suburban home in Rancho Peñasquitos, moments away from having dinner with their two children. Just as the Winfields began to say grace before eating a honey-baked ham, the sound of their doorbell disrupted James’s prayer mid-Jesus.

“I opened the door and standing on my porch were two young men dressed in black shirts and white ties. I just assumed they were either Mormons or Jehovah’s Witnesses,” said James.

James would soon realize that his assumption couldn’t have been further from the truth.

“After they introduced themselves, one of them asked me if I found Jesus. When I said yes, he told me to lose him,” said James. “They were so aggressive and pushy,” he added.

The two men standing on the Winfield’s doorstep happen to be members of an extreme sect of Atheism known as Condescendism. Condescendists mainly focus on making people feel insecure about their religious beliefs, with the hope of converting them into non-believers.

When Condescendists reach the age of 23, they’re required to go on a rite of passage where they travel to different neighborhoods on bicycles, knock on doors, and distribute their official magazine: The Atheist Monthly Void.

The Atheist Monthly Void isn’t your typical magazine. For example, there are no subscription renewal cards stuffed inside the magazine because, as the editor explains, “Renewal isn’t possible, once your subscription ends, it’s over … there’s nothing afterwards.”

From a statistical standpoint, approximately one out of four San Diegans between the ages of 18-29 aren’t affiliated with any particular religion, and some worry that this trend will grow out of control and spin off more extreme forms of Atheism, which might lead to members exhibiting violent tendencies.

There have already been several threats by Atheists to destroy San Diego’s two most popular religious monuments: The Mount Soledad Cross and UCSD’s Sun God statue. Security agents have already been deployed in front of both statues.

When asked how he felt about the growing number of Condescendists in his neighborhood, James explained, “It’s just a shame that whenever a belief or non-belief system grows in popularity, there’s always a small sector that manages to ruin it for everyone,” said Winfield.

“Atheists have Condescendists, Christians have Evangelicals, Muslims have the Taliban, and the Jews have Tom Arnold.”