For many of us, there comes that most unwelcome of moments in life when we realise that, against our better judgment, our parents had the right idea about something all along. I had one such moment a few weeks ago as I scrolled through Instagram. Every other post in my feed showcased a natty millennial embarking on a photogenic, environmentally-conscious holiday by train. Typical, I thought.

As a child of the 90s, the past few years have seen the worst memories of my youth – scrunchies, the Spice Girls – back in favour. Now, it seems, it is the turn of my parents’ dorky obsession with rail travel, which defined and scarred my early life, to be recast as the height of chic.

I have a flight-phobic mother and a train-worshipping father. While my peers were boarding glamorous flights to Spanish islands with their families, I was in an intimate sleeper compartment with my fiftysomething, worryingly loved-up mum and dad. (My parents would usually suggest I brought along a pal, but rainy rail tours of Belgian cathedral cities didn’t appeal to many of my friends.)

Nowadays, though, unless you are relaxed about the planet frying, it’s unwise to scorn no-fly travel, and even I have woken up to the virtues of the railway. Growing numbers of people are avoiding planes, which means that making it through lengthy journeys without smothering your loved ones under sleeper-train pillows will soon become a common struggle. Here are my hard-earned tips for managing modern rail travel en famille.

Embrace the positives

Travelling at close quarters with family can be challenging, but it’s profoundly bonding, too (albeit in a “we survived” way). There’s something unifying about piling into a poky cabin or carriage as you embark on a retro-feel overland adventure.

When Mum, Dad and I first stepped aboard the Paris to Venice sleeper train, there was a clear hierarchy at play: they were the authoritative parents, I was the mutinous yet ultimately powerless teenager. But by nightfall, with the three of us snoozing in our bunk beds – me in the middle – it felt as if we were suddenly on more of a level pegging. Our gang no longer comprised a man brandishing a guidebook, a woman anxiously thumbing the tickets and a teenager dragging her feet. We were a trio of mates in pyjamas.

The egalitarian vibe lingered for the rest of the trip. My parents were less, well, parenty, and I toned down my monstrous teen schtick.

Vigorous city walks and intense family reunions are not ideal for the morning after a sleepless overnight train ride

Take it easy on day one

Obviously, you are going to be much wearier arriving in Sicily after a 30-hour train journey rather than a three-hour flight. The first 24 hours, therefore, should be reserved for napping, a gentle recce of the area and devising a rich backstory for your Airbnb host. I’ve never taken a long-haul flight, thanks to, first, the aforementioned parental disinclination and second, being a tight-fisted freelance worker; but just as I imagine you wouldn’t want to attempt a demanding rock-climbing excursion on day one of your jet lag, vigorous city walks and emotionally intense family reunions are not ideal for the morning after a sleepless overnight train ride.

Travel light

Flight baggage fees are a pain, but they are a useful deterrent for those with a tendency to cart the entire contents of the kitchen abroad in case “they don’t have any bread in Sweden”.

Unfortunately, trains, with their dangerous lack of luggage limits, actively promote such behaviour. There’s also something about the continuity of rail travel – the way it literally keeps you grounded, rather than hoisting you excitingly above the clouds – that encourages living as you would at home. Flights promote recognition of the fact that you are somewhere new and might want something for breakfast other than toast.

Sleeper compartments are not exactly cavernous. No matter how harmonious your family, being forced to share an already narrow bed with seven packs of custard creams will spark tension.

The romance of train travel imbues the food you buy with mood-boosting glamour – even if you are scoffing a dry pastry

Bond over the buffet car

There is no social glue stronger than the buffet car. The romance of train travel imbues the food you buy on them with mood-boosting glamour – even if you are scoffing a dry pastry and sipping lukewarm water, rather than dining in first-class splendour on Eurostar.

Be open – but don’t overshare

Lengthy train journeys lend themselves to candid tête-à-têtes, but don’t take it too far. Otherwise you might find yourself insisting on a game of inter-generational Truth or Dare just because you are bored with staring out at endless kilometres of French fields. You are in a carriage, not a confessional – and there is no way out for the next 12 hours.

Don’t be tempted by other transport

One half-term, we experimented with another mode of travel: catching a ferry to northern Spain. “It’s so much nicer, travelling by sea,” said my smiling mother, gazing out over the azure waves. A few hours later, seasickness caused me to vomit spectacularly during a screening in the on-board cinema of The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button. Her purse served as a makeshift sick bag. The following year, we took the train.

My favourite train destinations

Thanks to websites such as the heroically detailed Seat61.com, there is plenty of information out there on how to get to wherever you want, plane free. Here is my personal list.

Paris Train is the only acceptable way to get to the city of love. Otherwise, you say au revoir to people-watching, elegant, francophone Eurostar passengers and the fun bit before departure where you pretend you can afford things in the glossy shops at London’s St Pancras station.

I had to forgo showing off my Tammy Girl holiday wardrobe and don the same pale lemon waterproof poncho as my parents

Belgium Yes, it rained constantly when we were travelling in Belgium, which meant I had to forgo showing off my fashionable Tammy Girl holiday wardrobe and instead don the same pale lemon waterproof poncho as my parents. But despite the weather, that holiday ended up being the family trip we talk about most animatedly today.

Cornwall Don’t lose your mind on the A30. Instead, train and taxi it to your campsite/glamping yurt/hotel and stay put, rising only for a short ramble or to fetch another piece of fudge.

Florence You are likely to feel hot and headachey in Florence. Like every other tourist, you will climb to the top of the Duomo – the Basilica di Santa Maria del Fiore – in the daytime heat. That’s fine. Inevitable, really. But it’s best not to exacerbate this by rocking up to the cathedral with lingering sinus pain from flying. It’s far more relaxing to arrive by rail – you can even pick up a few of those calming crepes in Paris, on the way.

Edinburgh There are few things more uplifting than the final 70-mile stretch of the east coast mainline route north to the Scottish capital. Watch the rain lash down over Lindisfarne as you sit snug in your carriage, sipping tea and munching shortbread.

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