Volume 1 (Technically Season 1), Chapter 9: Spongedice, Part 1

A/N: Hey guys, it's the one year and two day anniversary of the last time I updated this story :) This is such a momentous occasion for only... 9 chapters. Wow. Uh... yeah, that's not a lot for a year and two days of no updates. Sorry about that. But in my time away I've learned some things about the RWBY Fandom. You know that whole parody shipping Bumblebee moment between Yang and Blake back in Chapter 7? If you don't, let me recap you.

"...I feel like something evil just appeared" Yang said aloud, looking around the forest.

The Bumblebee pair were still trekking through Emerald Forest, trying to find an emerald Professor Ozpin assigned them to find back in Chapter 4.

"I...I feel like we shouldn't be shipped together. Meow meow" Blake commented in a shy manner.

Yang instantaneously stopped in her tracks, and looked at Blake. "Look, I don't want to be shipped with you either. But if we don't learn to love each other, then bad things will happen"

"You mean rabid fans going online and bitching about their ship not being canon? Then going on, and on about how their ship is superior to all the other ships? Even though their ship doesn't make any sense? Meow meow" the black haired girl derided.

"Uh...well, that certainly isn't good, or bad, more like annoying actually. But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about bad things happening to us!" Yang warned.

"Bad things happening to us? What could possibly-"

*CRACK-A-THOOM!*

The not Faunus suddenly found herself being struck by lightning, and fell to the ground from the shock of it all (Get it? Because she got struck by...I'll be quite).

"Told you" the blonde gloated, standing over Blake.

At the time of writing that scene, I had no idea of the BMBLB song drama going on in the Fandom. I'm truly sorry if I wound up pissing you, or anybody else off because of that. The scene was supposed to be poking fun at how shippers in general get too worked up over shipping characters together. Again, sorry about that. I should've been more involved with the FNDM before making that joke, or at least chose different characters for said joke.

Now with apologizes out of the way, let's finally continue the story after a whole entire year and two days. However, it's a small chapter because Jaunedice is a short episode. And I would've combined Jaunedice parts 1 and 2 together, but I wanted to start small so I could get back into the swing of things.

Alright, so we left off with Summer Rose doing something to you. Right Salem?

"Huh!? You actually want to continue that conversation? After a year and two days of leaving in limbo?!"

Uh, yeah. I'm writing this story as it goes along with the basic plot planned out. And Summer Rose isn't in my plans... at least not right now.

"Well... I don't know. I feel like I was violated... a lot"

That sounds like sexual assault o_O

"I was molested by Summer Rose!? You disgusting human!"

What!? I didn't do anything!

"Yes you did! You're the one writing this story and it's canon. So in the events before your story, you made Summer Rose rape me!"

But I didn't. And what do you mean by rape? For all you or I know, Summer and your spooky looking self could've had consensual passionate sex.

"I... you... uh... was it consensual and passionate?"

I don't know. Do you remember it being passionate?

"I don't know either. I think I remember my balls being fondled by most soft gentle hands I've ever-

"Ugh, TMI Salem" Ozpin chimed in.

Yeah, let's get on with the story.

"Grrr... fine! But this isn't over!"

The official chapter 9 of our story opens up with Cardin fighting SpongeBob on a stage. The two unlikely combatants (Mostly SpongeBob) were in an epic clash. Cardin with his brute strength and Mace, and SpongeBob with his cartoony karate and Bubble Wand.

"Stand still, cheese head!" Cardin yelled out in frustration, trying to swing at SpongeBob.

"Isn't showing off our skills the whole reason for this sparring match? Which includes dodging, A.K.A not standing still?" the sponge innocently asked, back-flipping away.

"Well- yeah! It's just something that someone says when their opponent keeps dodging!" Cardin explained, running after him.

"That doesn't make any sense. Why tell your opponent to stand still when you know they're not going to?" SpongeBob continued to question, getting ready to attack.

"Bah! I don't know! It's just a saying, okay?!" the dark orange haired student further explained, preparing to attack as well.

Before he could strike the sea creature, SpongeBob blew into his Bubble Wand, releasing a plethora of soapy bubbles.

"MY EYES!" Cardin screamed when the bubbles made contact with his indigo colored peepers, making him drop his Mace and cover his face.

In one quick motion, SpongeBob transformed his Bubble Wand into a Spatula, and smacked the Team CRDL leader across his face. Cardin let out a grunt of pain and uncovered his face, revealing his red teary eyes.

"Had enough yet?" Mr. Squarepants tauntingly inquired with a serious face, about to attack again.

"You little square motherfu-"

"ENOUGH!" Glynda shouted to both of them, interrupting Cardin. "Students, as you can see, Mr. Winchester's Aura has now dropped into the red. In a tournament styled duel, this would indicate that Cardin is no longer fit for battle, and that the official may call the match"

"What!?" Cardin shouted, looking up at the giant screen showing both his profile picture and Aura meter. "B-but he barely even hit me!"

"True, but that bubble swarm really did a number on your Aura. Mostly due to your eyes" Ms. Goodwitch elaborated.

Cardin growled in defeat before picking up his Mace and walking off the stage, seething with rage.

"OOHHHHHH YEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH! Bring it around town! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" SpongeBob happily shouted out, rotating his hips in a cartoonish fashion on stage.

"Alright, alright, settle down and please take your seat Mr. Squarepants" Glynda directed while adjusting her glasses.

"Aye aye, captain!" SpongeBob happily responded, giving the sparring teacher a salute before springing to his seat next to Pyrrha, who gave him a one arm hug.

"Remember everyone, the Vytal Festival is only a few months away. It won't be long before students from the other kingdoms start arriving in Vale, so keep practicing. Those who choose to compete in the combat tournament will be representing all of Vale" the blonde announced, giving plot exposition.

Cafeteria

"So... there we were, in the middle of the night..." Nora began.

"It was day" Ren corrected.

"We were surrounded by Ursai..." Nora continued.

"They were Beowolves" Ren corrected again.

"Dozens of them!" Ms. Valkyrie loudly exclaimed.

"Two of 'em" Ren corrected for the third time.

"But they were no match us! Well, mostly me, because they interrupted a quickie Ren and I were having. So I took them both down with my bare hands out of sexual frustration! While naked of course" Nora finished with a big smile.

"WHAT?!" Ruby, Weiss, Yang, SpongeBob, and Pyrrha shouted in shock.

"Goddamn it Barb- er, Nora" Mr. Lie muttered to himself.

Team RWBY (Minus Blake) and SNPR were having lunch in Beacon Academy's Cafeteria after having Glynda Goodwitch's fighting/training/whatever-the-fuck-it's-called class. During said lunch, Nora had decided to tell them all what happened to her and Ren in Emerald Forest, back when they were looking for the Chaos Emeralds.

"So you guys just... randomly fucked in the middle of a Grimm infested forest?" Yang inquired in utter bewilderment.

"Well, it's not all that surprising. I mean, I ate out Weiss' ass, remember?" Ruby reminded her incestual sister.

"And I tried to grab SpongeBob's dick for a quickie, but accidentally grabbed his nose instead" Pyrrha admitted with a giggle, causing the sponge to stare at her in confusion.

"Wha- am I the only one who didn't have sex, and/or didn't try to have sex!?" the blonde loudly questioned everyone in the cafeteria.

"Yep!" everyone in the cafeteria answered, including the shadow students.

"You need to step your sex game up!" someone shouted over to Yang.

Ms. Xiao Long let out an annoyed "Hmph", as she slouched down in her seat with her arms crossed.

What about when Blake fell head first into your boobs and started purring? Which made your nipples harden.

"That doesn't count. She didn't do it voluntarily" the blonde haired girl rectified.

"Wait... Blake... fell into your boobs?" Weiss asked a tad bit sadly.

Yep, anyone want a flashback?

"Sure, I love to see my sissy's nipples harden~" Ruby sexually said.

"Disregarding that totally incestual comment for a second, sure. I'm curious about how it happened" the Valley Girl commented, glaring at Yang.

Alright, here we go!

Flashback

"ALRIGHT! WHO THE FUCK IS NEXT!?" Yang yelled out to the forest.

*RUSTLE*

The large breasted girl quickly looked at a different group of bushes. "Get your sorry ass out here, NOW!"

After Yang's demand, Blake emerged from the bushes with a frighted look on her face.

"Um...hello. Meow meow" Blake greeted meekly.

Yang instantly depowered upon seeing the not faunus. "Oh...it's you Blake"

"Yes, and do you know what this means? Meow meow" Blake questioned, slightly blushing.

"That we're on the same team" Yang proudly said, giving Blake a thumbs up.

"Yes, but we're also going to be shipped together. Meow meow" the bow headed girl added, blushing even more.

"...No...no...NNNOOOOOOOOOO!" Yang shouted in defeat, falling to her knees. "Damn it! I wanted to be shipped with Ruby! No one can sexually please her like I do!"

"WHAT! Meow meow!?" Blake screamed in shock.

Yang speedily stood up and grabbed Blake by her shoulders. "Yes! I fuck my little sister, OKAY! We have hot steamy sex with each other. We even have threesomes with Crescent Rose sometimes too! Are you happy now, Blake? You know that Ruby and I are incestual! So when the day comes for us to have sex since we're shipped with each other, know this. You'll be eating out, and/or scissoring the same vagina my little sister used to eat out and scissor!"

Blake's brain couldn't comprehend what was just revealed to her. So she did what anybody would do in a situation like this. Pass out from the shock of it all, straight into Yang's boobs.

"...Well...this got awkward" the blonde said to herself, looking down at the Cat Furry nestled between her breasts.

Blake then starting purring in Yang's breasts. Making the gauntlet wearing girls's nipples harden.

"Oh yes~" Yang moaned sexually.

"Oh God"

Oh me. Oh moo. Oh my

"Ooh na na. What's my name?" Ozpin interjected, referencing Rihanna's song titled 'What's My Name?'.

"Both of you shut up"

End of Flashback

"WHAT THE FUCK?! YOU TWO REALLY ARE INCESTUAL?!" Weiss screamed, suddenly standing up.

Everyone in the cafeteria immediately stopped talking after Snow White's outburst.

"Uh, sorry everyone. Ms. Schnee had a valley girl moment", Yang sheepishly and quickly lied, yanking Weiss down back to her seat.

"Weiss, ixnay on the incestualway. We'll talk about it later" Ruby whispered to the white haired girl.

"Bu-bu-bu-but" Weiss stuttered in awkwardness with her face blushing madly.

"Shhhh!" both sisters shushed, causing Weiss to shrink down in her seat.

"Oooookaaaaaaay..." SpongeBob trailed in pure confusement before turning his attention to Pyrrha. "Hey Pyrrha, what's a dick?" SpongeBob asked the redheaded girl, regarding her earlier comment to Yang.

"You don't know what a dick is?" Ren wondered aloud.

"No, but I'm assuming I have a dick since Pyrrha tried to grab it" Mr. Squarepants figured.

"Awwwwww, you're so child like and innocent. I couldn't possibly tell you what a dick is" Pyrrha sweetly told SpongeBob.

"Why not?" the Krusty Krab worker further questioned.

"Well... it's because... uhh... a dick is... something all guys have, but-"

Before Ms. Nikos could finish her response, Cardin walked past and pushed SpongeBob face first into his food.

"Hey!" all the girls at the table and Ren yelled at the armor plate wearing jerk.

"Hey yourselves. That's just payback for this little square idiot cheating with bubbles" Cardin angrily spat at them while walking away.

"Grrr, I'm gonna break his legs, and his balls, and his teeth, and his nose, and his ribs, and his neck, and then shove Magnhild-

Wait, pause. What the hell is Magnhild?

"Magnhild adds to Nora's Nordic theme, as Thor, the Norse god of thunder, is said to wield the hammer Mjölnir in battle. The name is also Old Norse as well as Germanic and Norwegian which means "strong, mighty, strength" from the root magn/magan and "battle" from the root hild/hildr. Also, Magni is the Norse god of strength and son of Thor"

... Damn it! I can't come up with a clever insult for Magnhild!

"So the name Magnhild is a perfect choice for Nora's weapon, yes?"

mumblegrumble yes

"Ha! Sucker!"

"-and then shove Magnhild, UP HIS ASS, HEAD FIRST!" Nora threatened.

"Don't worry about it Nora, I'll take care of him" Pyrrha happily stated, grabbing a napkin and wiping SpongeBob's face.

"Are you sure? I can always help you out if-"

"I said, I'll fucking handle him, Nora" Ms. Nikos said through gritted teeth, giving the orange haired girl a yandere glare.

"Oh shit. Yandere alert" an alarmed Nora quickly said, turning back to her tray and eating, not wanting to get killed any time soon.

"Please Pyrrha, you don't have to do anything" SpongeBob implored, grabbing the napkin and wiping his own face. "Especially if it involves hurting him"

"Oh, I won't hurt him. I'll just sit him down, and have a nice, stern conversation with him about his actions" Pyrrha told the sponge with a smile.

"Really? That sounds safe and adult like!" the Bikini Bottom citizen beamed.

"Wait, what? Then why did you give Nora a yandere face? That usually mean someone's about to-"

Pyrrha then gave Ruby a yandere glare and mouthed the words, "I lied to him"

"Oooooohhhh... okay" Ms. Rose meekly replied, burying her face between Yang's breasts in fear. The older sister then patted Ruby's head to comfort her.

"So when are you gonna have your adult like conversation with Cardin?" Spongebob curiously asked.

"Mmm, perhaps after Dr. Oobleck's class is over" Pyrrha decided.

"That reminds me, when does our lunch period end?" Ren asked everyone.

"Meh, it doesn't matter anyway. The chapter is about end anyway" Ruby replied, taking her face out Yang's large melons.

"Ugh" Yang groaned. "I fucking hate that. Especially since my sentences always get interru-

The End

"Seriously? That was short"

Yeah, I guess you could call it a cock tease. Get it? Because it was short and slightly unsatisfying and you have a giant hentai dick.

"Yes, I get it. How hilarious... not"

Alright, I guess I'll get going.

"Okay"

...

"Why are you still here?"

I don't want to end this chapter with awkward good-byes.

"Get the fuck out of here!"

Alright, damn.

And that's it! Again, sorry about the short chapter. Believe it or not, coming up with random/wacky ideas doesn't come easy unless I keep the ball rolling, which I hope to keep doing. See you in the next chapter!