The film Whip It is the extent of most people’s Roller Derby knowledge (Picture: Giphy)

Roller Derby is the sport of badass queens around the land, a fast and furious full contact sport played on roller skates.

Originating in America, it has spread worldwide and is competitive, hardcore and not for the faint-hearted.

The aim is for one member of the team, known as the Jammer, to lap the opposing team to get as many points as they can whilst the opposing team of Blockers use tactical techniques to stop them.



Got that? Well, here are 25 things you only know if you are a roller derby athlete, with thanks to TrebleMaker909 and the Hallam Hellcats.


1. “Like a reverse fight club, the first rule of Roller Derby Club is you must only ever talk about Roller Derby Club” – Steph Con #1



2. “Vagina Shiners are a thing – AKA minjury, cooch collision, vajayjay nay nay, front bum bump, foofy fender-bender. It’s only a matter of time before wheel meets woo woo” – TrebleMaker909

3. “When some of your team have recently given birth and are breastfeeding, you’re scared that if you hit them too hard you’re going to get milk on you” – Abbottoir

4. “Space invaders – You become very comfortable invading your friends’ personal space, which can be very distressing for us uptight Brits” – R2Dee2 #16

5. “Your butt starts getting bigger and you love it! In fact, you become jealous of people with bigger bums than you” – D’Manding #511

6. “Do the pants dance – wearing pants (underwear if you’re American) on the outside becomes perfectly acceptable!” – TrebleMaker909

7. “Having a group of women who become some of your closest friends, you see them 2-3 times a week, and yet you still forget their real names, especially surnames, as skate names take over” – Abbottoir

8. “Medical staff are all like WTF?! Explaining what your leg bruises are from, during your smear test, is interesting” – Bruises #49

9. “Toenail trouble – prepare to spend a lot of time trying to stick your toe nails back down with varnish” – Toxic Toad #414

10. “Being able to recognise your team members by smell” – Etta Baby

Roller derby: The full-contact sport for red-blooded women

11. “You will say ‘there’s no ball’ at least once a week, often to the same people!” – Bruises #49

12. “Be prepared to plan your whole life – your children’s lives too – around derby! It takes over your whole life, but in the best way ever” – Gore Jes #247

13. “You have no idea what people look like without their derby kit on. Especially their helmets! On a night out you get proper confused when people wear normal bras and have boobs instead of sports bras and helmet hair!” – Olive a Sudden and Cadders

14. “You become obsessed with bruises & compete to have the biggest and best” – Turner #81

15. “The good thing about derby is that everyone is labelled. So if you forget someone’s name just look at their shirt or if you leave your top somewhere it’ll come back to you as it has ‘Arctic Roll 2412’ on the back of it” – Arctic Roll



16. “Anyone that’s ever doubted you or said “you can’t” or “you shouldn’t” were totally wrong, you are a badass roller girl, you’re a goddamn athlete!!” – TrebleMaker909

17. “Hip checking your other half becomes a favourite past time – especially when they’re making cups of tea” – Toxic Toad #414

18. “Your wardrobe will have a ‘Derby’ section probably bigger than the rest of it. And your sock collection vastly outnumbers your shoes!” – Spangles #453

19. “A derby skater can do almost anything for cake (the chosen food supplement for derby athletes)” – Grimblok

20. “You spend your entire social/work life telling people who don’t play derby that they should, because it’s the greatest thing ever” – Steph Con #1

21. “You get a little sad inside when that huge hit you took fails to develop into an awesome bruise that you can show everyone” – Doug Hisgrave

22. “Talking duro of wheels, trucks, boots and laces goes from being totally foreign to being your mother tongue” – Cadders

23. “You spend most of your time convincing yourself (and others) you’re not injured so you can play in your next game and not let yourself or anyone else down” – Cadders

24. “Family and friends want to come and visit for the weekend you put them off coming making up some horribly contagious disease so you don’t miss training” – Grimblok

25. “Your life will change forever – In the best way possible – you’ll make awesome new friends; find a new love for your amazing body no matter what size or shape it is; realise that you are capable of doing crazy, terrifying things; meet people that are just as weird as you; become obsessed with a sport; find camaraderie amongst women instead of competition; stop caring what people think so much and grow in confidence and become an inspirational role model for other women and young girls everywhere!” – TrebleMaker909


For more information on Roller Derby, see TrebleMaker909’s blog, the United Kingdom Roller Derby Association and Sheffield champions, the Hallam Hellcats.

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