For Those Starting Philosophy on Monday

Metaphysics: Something is controlling me and it’s kind of annoying.

Logic: If he likes her and she likes him, then he must like him.

Aesthetics: This tastes like crap, but why?

Epistemology: How do I know what crap tastes like?

Political: Power over the people.

Social: Power between the people.

Economical: How much power can this buy?

Ethics: I’ll be happy if you do that – for me.

Law: This blindfold is see-through.

Religion: Live longer, but with more restrictions.

Free Will: George, watch out for that tree!

Fate: George… never mind, it doesn’t matter.

Science: Please, no more Philosophy.

Marxism: Capitalism?

Republicans: Capitalism!

Socialism: Equality.

Democrats: We’re not Socialists.

Ancient: What is death? What is God?

21st Century: What is death? What is God?

Jewish: Forgiveness?

Christian: Forgiveness.

Islamic: Virgins?

Sacrifice: Virgins!

Buddha: This is heavy stuff, let me sit down.

Muhammad: I can see you, but you can’t see me.

Jesus: Should I help them, my father?

Abraham: Should I kill him? My son?

Theists: God, please help me.

Atheists: Sir, can you help me?

Agnostics: I need help.

Mortality: Please, let me live.

Immortality: Please, let me die.

Death: The End.