Repeatedly, I have been asked for an explanation about the events that have transpired between 5/22/2015 and 5/29/2015, this is that story. I will not in any form apologize any more than I already have.

On Friday, May 22- I was scrolling my news feed on Facebook just admiring cat pics and staying in tune with the social justice wars, when I stumbled across a post which simply stated,

“Urinals = Male Entitlement. Discuss.” – posted by Dani Askini, Executive Director of Gender Justice League

So, silly me thought a discussion was offered and occurring. I began reading comments which didn’t quite vibe with me, I was curious, I didn’t understand. So I started asking questions– I later was informed that this is not okay in a discussion. I didn’t know, honestly. I didn’t know how urinals were a part of my privilege as a man. As with many things which haven’t been understood by me in my lifetime, I asked if someone could explain to me how a urinal was a form of entitlement that I have as a man. More than once I asked of the people talking to let me in on this information which had only now been brought to my thoughts. Each time I asked, the replies became more and more snippy. Finally, I gave up. I had shared it onto my own wall to ask my friends and colleagues how they felt about this information. It was mixed, yet I gained a bit of understanding due to a discussion taking place in which not all parties agreed. It was nice, refreshing.

A few hours passed and not much had taken place in my life, until Dani Askini came back on with a vengeance as she began transplaning to me how by having so ignorantly exclaimed that I did not understand, yet dared to ask for this to be explained– that I felt I was owed an explanation– this was indeed the very embodiment of male entitlement, that my privilege as a cisgender man is an excluding factor in education on an issue that is not solely mine and mine alone. “Get the fuck off my wall.”, was her closing line to me. That is exactly what I did. Simply said okay, before clicking the “unfriend” button. It was done. I do not have a screen shot of this conversation, because I saw no need in attacking this wonderful Trans advocate who I had the pleasure of meeting in Denver at Creating Change. #CC15 #beyou

What she said to me was out of anger over how she and her part of the LGBTQ community had been treated since the dawn of time. I understood it was nothing to cause an alarm over, certainly not a reason to take her job, her passion from her.

Or so I thought…

Now, hi, I’m Jeff. I identify as a gay white guy with gay white cisgender male privilege. I am a nonTrans individual who does not fall on the binary scale of Transgenderism and Cisgenderism. As many of you in the progressive movement know, the cardinal rule of gender equality is all people are created equal, free to choose their gender role, gender identity, gender expression, and even… choose their gender as it is presented to the world, and we are allowed to do so without question.

Again, I identify as a gay white guy. I choose this. I am allowed to choose this. I have chosen this and by this I implore of you all to respect as my highest and most liberating truth of how I know myself to be today. My definition is mine to define. It is mine to write. I would only and always have shown you all the same respect. Please allow this for me.

As a child, I was never allowed to say I was gay. My daddy told me around the age of ten that if I were gay he would disown me. I knew to never say those words to him until one day when I was twenty-four years old– I said for the first time,

“Daddy, do you hate me because I am gay? Is that why, be honest.”

he simply said back,

“No. I don’t like you because you’re an asshole.” I respected him more for that than for anything he had ever done for me. I still do.

Though I hadn’t said that I was a gay guy to my dad yet, he knew. At the age of fourteen, I came out of the closet to friends. Word got around to my folks, so the next school year I was sent to the local Independent Fundamental Baptist high school. There I was to be taught the Word of God, with a dose of “straighen’ up boy.” This place was supposed to fix my gay, allowing a normal life. I won’t bore you with the details of what transpired, I’ll just say that over the next few years I would be raped repeatedly and weekly by a teacher who had been charged with protecting me from the outside world. It was called “counseling.” This was done to stop me from saying that I am a gay guy. I stopped for a long time. I never said it out loud again with comfort until I was around twenty-eight years old.

Today, at the age of thirty-three, saying I am a gay guy is part of my introduction. It is part of who I am, and I accept who I am finally. It took so long. So damned long.

This liberation from Christian oppression and familiar disdain that has led me to be the man I am today is now unacceptable and clearly a sign– not of personal growth and self-acceptance, but of bigotry and transmisogyny. You see, by knowing my body and mind well enough to have chosen where I fit on the gender scale, I have offended all and everyone in the Transgender community, as well as the LGBTQ community. I know myself well enough that I do not define nor describe myself to be a cisgender man, though I recognize the privilege that I own as someone who appears fully cisgender, I simply choose to not use that word as my identifier in any way, wishing others would respect that.

Enter Andi Dier, the Alpha and Omega

After my encounter with Dani, I made a little post on my personal Facebook page explaining how I find the term “cisgender” to be offensive to myself personally as it is not an identifier that I choose for myself, I stated how I wish others wouldn’t call me that. Simple stuff. However, when Andi Dier saw this she was not having it. Not in the least. How dare I try to call myself by anything other than cisgender, the very definition of that word describes me– to her. To her it described me based on my appearance, based on a preconceived notion that one is either and only

Trans or Cis – Cis or Trans

Black or White

"Fuck the Cistem" which is Andi's Twitter handle clearly shows a true hatred for all people who aren't Trans and somehow and only because she is Trans this is acceptable.

I tried to ask Andi to give me some time to finish what I was doing, I was at the beach on a Saturday for Memorial Day weekend with my boyfriend. It was his first trip to Pensacola and I wanted to make it fun for him instead of working the whole time. She refused, barked that I must defend this horrid transphobic bile immediately. I know all too well to not leave that alone. To at least say something. I was worried. I explained it as this:

"I am white. I am. I am not a cis person. I am a mother fucking gay man.

You. Do. Not. Get. To. Define. Me.

I do not identify as cis. Do you identify as a man? From this day forward, as long as you choose to third person identify me-- I will reply in kind. You're a man. Because I say so as do countless others.

If I can not third person identify you, you can't me. But if you tell me that you are able to order my identity, then EQUALITY says I can you, dude."

This one comment has been misquoted far and wide by numerous sources, including The Washington Blade recently.

I knew she wouldn’t like this, yet I thought she would at some point understand that what I did was not simply or even intentionally misgender her, but that I used her experience as a Trans Woman to attempt opening her mind to my specific disdain for being called something I do not like to be called. What she did to me was no different than what I said to her, in my opinion.

Over the next three days, Andi Dier set out to prove that I was right. It isn’t okay to misgender a person, but only if they are a transgender person. I was misgendered by a transgender person, yet that was completely acceptable because Trans. I never intended to deliberately misgender her in return. I later stated many times throughout the past week,

“I made a mistake. It was a poor attempt at making a point. I am truly sorry.”

It was too late. A war had been waged by Andi Dier in which she made sure that everyone could see how horridly evil I am as a man. As the Executive Director of Mississippi Gulf Coast Rainbow Center it was declared that I must be taken out of my position. The Rainbow Center became a point of convergence for Andi with her army to come down in full force. From Facebook to Twitter and all in between– It had begun

Andi even attacked a Mississippi Trans man named Joshua Aaron only because he defended me. She told him that he "was an ugly girl and that is why you are trying to be a man. You should kill yourself, everyone knows you are better off dead even your friends know it. You've always wondered."

A Trans advocate said this to a Trans man because he stood up for his community leader and no one cares about this at all. They are only concerned with what I said because I am not Trans and therefore am evil. Because Trans.

I found posts, comments, tags, reviews, screens shots, retweets, shares, likes, friend request, text messages, phone calls, voice mails, pm’s and dm’s everything that had a sound in my phone was now on jackpot status. Immediately, I deleted my Facebook assuming it would go away. I changed my phone number. Never. It got worse. Throughout this all I have turned my Facebook and Twitter accounts off (following the directions of EVERYONE who was on my side) it got worse with each deactivation. No amount of blocking or banning or stopping or begging or logic or pleading would do anything to appease this group of carnivorous women, women who I have never even met. This mob was out for blood. The last time that I deactivated my Facebook and took time for myself, I came back on to find that The Washington Blade had taken this dead situation and breathed life into it once again in the name of "news."

Anyone who dared speak up for me in any capacity was chanced to be taken down, so the majority of support that I received was given in private from Trans men and women who actually know me yet knew better than to endanger their careers by speaking publicly.

Then came Lindsey Lyles.

Y’all I have met some folks in my time, but not a one of them has made the impression upon my world as this Lindsey Lyles individual. I can not fathom what has happened to her in her life to make her heart as dark as this, I only pray that she receives the help that she needs in this life.

This woman, unrelated to any of the issues mentioned above, only working based on hearsay and vicious out of context screen shots this woman laid waste to my senses while gnawing against the grain of all reason or logic known to human kind. Not only did she tell me to kill myself more than once throughout the day, after I had made it abundantly clear my state of mind had me to the point of truly suicidal thoughts she only laughed.

It was entertainment to her and to all of these people to take down someone who had honestly and faithfully been a true champion for Transgender Rights in the state of Mississippi. Though I will not delve into all of my work, it is widely known how much I identify with and empathize with my transgender siblings.

However, this woman. This Lindsey Lyles had pushed and pushed an already vulnerable, destroyed spirit to the brink of madness. I told her to kill herself. I snapped. I lost it. I broke the rule that I hold most dear. “Never speak into the world a wish for another to take their life.” To be completely honest, I don’t even feel bad about it. She surpassed the realm of possibility for myself to find a care as to whether she lives or dies. On this, my only apology is that I can not apologize and I will speak no further on her.

Then there was Travis Hearst.

As if he came straight from the mountain of Jehova to decree that he and only he may be the sole Judge of Man.

I literally can not even with this person. The only time I have ever encountered him is on Facebook when I say something that he does not like. Each time, he has taken it upon himself to read two to four sentences I have said, he then uses them to bring hellfire and damnation upon me. I truly feel he is sent from God to punish me. To be here only once everything has already become so bad that there is nothing left but up. Then show us all that the floor is removable, there are eons of mileage before he can allow it to end. I can say nothing bad about him, I do not know him at all. The only thing I know of him is that he does not like me and will stop at nothing to ensure I am aware.

In no way do I even appear to him as if I may be a human being. That much is clear. No matter any words I say in defense of myself, no matter any words uttered- he does not care that a man lives behind the name Jeff B. White.

My resignation from The Rainbow Center was sent out at 12:30 am on May 29, 2015 after Travis decided to restart this event on the seventh day. It was sent via email to the board at The Rainbow Center as well as our mailing list, and our Facebook and Twitter accounts. I did this to make it clear that I meant it, that I was gone. However, in true mob style I was accused of doing this for attention. I had been told to resign for seven straight days, and then when I did-- I only did it for attention. I can't win. This came after the orders of over a hundred Transgender women, aaand Travis, had shared and commented on a situation about which none of them were ever a part.

Now, as I had apologized numerous times and eventually resigned one would assume that this would have ended. Hell no.

On the day that I resigned I was contacted by my local news station, a station which I have done dozens of interviews with over my time at GCRC, they knew that this was a newsworthy event in our community so they asked me to come in and do an interview about it. You see, before I came along there had never been a story on Gulf Coast media about LGBTQ issues, ever. I was the guy who created the very first community center in our state. I led the very LGBTQ rights marches and protests. I was the guy where it started. It was known how hard I work for this community and my local media wanted to give me a respectful send off. I complied as I had the feeling this would be my last time to speak to and for the LGBTQ people of South Mississippi. During my interview, I in no way said anything offensive or rude to anyone. I simply stated my feelings on this event in my life and how I felt it affects our community. The only portion of my interview that aired was a clip of me saying the words, “The one thing that we get taught more than anything else in this community is that you are not allowed to define a human being, by your own beliefs, by any definition in any book ever, anywhere. We define ourselves, that’s what our pride is about. That’s why we have pride in ourselves, that’s why we have pride in our community, because we stand up for ourselves and we don’t put up with this crap.” I slipped and cried a little as I said this, anyone who knows me and all the media folks who have ever interviewed me knows that I hate it so much when I cry on camera. It was not a show or an act, this was a genuine statement that I made to my community. Of course, it wasn't taken that way. How could anything about me genuine?

The full interview can be seen here

The aired portion can be seen here

Following my interview, a woman named Claire Renee Kohner wrote an article for Planet Transgender in which she claimed to be "clearing the air" on my resignation by sharing what she calls the truth. Nothing was cleared in any way by this blog piece. It was one sided and biased. It was not truthful, as it is impossible to give the truth without having told the entire story. By its very nature this blog piece was deceitful because it lied by omission. Claire was directly involved in this campaign against me and she has spent the past three weeks continuing to harass me as much as she can. Everyone who witnessed her involvement was even asking her why this mattered so much to her, why she couldn't just move on, and what was wrong with her life that she had to continue this series of attacks. Each time I have made a tweet, she has converged onto it and attacked me without cause. She even messaged me herself so that she could ask me for an interview after all of this had taken place. The nerve of her to assume I would want to talk to her after what she wrote. This woman destroyed my life and actually thought that I would want an interview with her. When I responded by telling her that I never want to hear from her again, and that I have lost everything because of her, she then shared the conversation that SHE initiated, leaving out her part of it, and did so claiming that I was still attacking her. She contacted me, I replied and she claimed to be attacked. What the fuck kind of backwards world are we in here?

On June 15, 2015 I looked at my Twitter for the first time in a week and I found over 70 tweets from her against me, none of these had I even responded to yet there they were. Trans women sought me out because of her, sent me emails and messages attacking me based on what she wrote about me and then sent my responses to them back to her so that she could claim that I am continuing my attacks on the Trans community. I have simply been trying to pick up the pieces of my life and move on. Finally, I filed a police report against her and others in the hopes that something can be done about this.

Now look, I do know that I could have handled the situation better. However, I was enduring an onslaught of attacks from every angle and was not able to do anything to end it. My advisers told me to step away and to not engage-- this made it worse. I was told to apologize and once I did I told it was insincere. I was ordered to resign and finally complied after a week, yet here we are nineteen days after having resigned and it is still going on in my life and all over the internet. I found out last night that Trans Advocate is doing a podcast about it this week and is inviting the ones who viciously attacked me on as the victims of a mad cis man's hatred for them.

Nothing I did was enough for them. If it had been, I wouldn't be writing this in response to The Washington Blade feeling the need to reopen this closed situation. On June 4th, an article was written about me again which linked to Claire's blog and accused me again of being anti-Trans. This made me honestly furious as I trusted The Blade. They had interviewed me in the summer, and they got an exclusive from me about a my rape case that was being handled by NCLR. I trusted these people and they wrote this article about me claiming that I am Transphobic when I am anything but that. I was misquoted, I was accused of making a series of posts when in reality what I did was make responses in conversations with people either in private or in public-- responses which were then taken out of context by Claire and shared far and wide as an avenue to make herself appear more credible to her community. Had The Blade taken even a few minutes to research and investigate what was being reported, they would have seen that this was not as it was being portrayed. Instead, they simply went forward based on hearsay and libelous accusations made by an opportunistic individual who has continued to make this the main focus of her life. It is an obsession that needs to not be stoked rather ended. As the "most trusted LGBT news source" one would think they would research their stories or even reach out to the subjects of these stories for allowing a public witch hunt to be fed by giving it a national platform.

Read that article here

People are saying that the main issue is that I told a person to kill herself. She said the same thing to me first and she is the victim.

People are saying that the issue is that I misgendered a Trans woman. She did the same thing to me first and she is the victim.

People are saying that the main is that I didn't stop when I should have. Well, I will never stop standing up for myself.

People are saying the issue is that I will not identify as Cisgender simply to appease the Trans community. I will not allow anyone to tell me how I have to identify, and I will never again say that I am not something that I do not see myself to be.

In closing, I simply need to state that this situation has been blown so far out of proportion and so far beyond the realms of normal decent human treatment. I have been the victim of some extremely angry and radical individuals who have committed crimes in order to continue this series of attacks. I often wonder why they don't have anything else to do, and I realize that with the personality that they are showing how could they?

I love my Trans siblings and I fought hard to use my privilege to pivot the light onto their issues and to fight for them as I would fight for myself. Those days are over. Not by my choice, but because I have nothing left after this. I am afraid to leave the house, I have to move to another state. I have had to seek therapy to save myself from suicide after having lost everything. Nothing I did deserves this. This blog post may never get seen after I send it to Kevin Naff of The Blade, but I pray that by posting it here whoever does read it will realize that the victim in this case is neither me nor the Trans women who destroyed my life-- the victim is our entire community as a whole.