Bhabi

Friends

Manoj

Bhabi Girls

tumhari bhabi

Saurabh

Deven

We’ve all met theGirl, Millionth of No Name, Slicer of Cakes, Motherer ofMy first conscious encounter with one was at my friend Manoj’s birthday party.is a huggable, bighearted, divorced man of 45, possessed of a certain matrimonial eligibility as well as intent. Hence, matchmaking and intros galore come his way. As the clock struck midnight, candles were blown out, happy birthdays lustily sung. Then, a young straighthaired woman in a pretty salwar kameez proceeded to cut the cake into neat, holdable slices, which the rest of us sheepish, inept at slicing cake but good at eating them, well, ate. Later, I learned she and Manoj had been introduced for matrimonial possibilities. I later began to notice cakecuttingat most birthday parties.Bhabi Girls are sweet, demure, kind-hearted, sometimes full of girlish innocence, sometimes womanly poise. As a domestically proficient non- Bhabi girl myself, I can testify that domestic expertise is not their specialty. But, they do demonstrate it explicitly and often. People sometimes say “she loves children” or “children love her”. Most importantly, they are usually introduced not by name but as — Tumhari Bhabi. Indeed, if you haven’t been introduced to someone in this fashion, then you have definitely heard this line in an older Hindi movie, when love stories played out against a landscape of family and friends as opposed to a landscape of tourism.The Bhabi Girl though is usually introduced this way to other male friends of her boyfriend, more than women. Once the B-word is spoken, everyone comfortably gets into a role. It’s like playing househouse. It doesn’t matter what her age, the male friends will immediately start behaving like devoted little boys with her.They will carry out errands. They will confide about their love lives in her. She in turn will display concern for their health, future and matrimonial prospects in alternating tones of rebuke, motherliness, emotional blackmail, coaxing, with food, doctor’s appointments, matchmaking and text-message reminders on various matters.So what does this ‘yehhain’ really say?, 50, who has been introduced thus to many women by friends said to me, “It’s a kind of signal no? That other men should not look at her as a sexual prospect. And maybe also to tell her she shouldn’t think of other men sexually.”In law school, Saurabh’s friendintroduced his new girlfriend to Saurabh as Tumhari Bhabi. A week later, Deven introduced Saurabh to a completely different woman with “yeh tumhari bhabi”. It soon became clear that Deven was playing both the women and sleeping with them by promising matrimony. Saurabh’s girlfriend knew Bhabhi No. 2 and felt Saurabh should let her in on the situation. Bhabi No. 2 laughed when she was told: “Of course, I know he’s just saying that — he has no serious intention.” In a way, for her, the Bhabi factor allowed the possibility of trying out a relationship without feeling she was sexually immoral. Perhaps, a kind of mirroring of what men think women want and what women think appeals to men.It’s easy to judge such things as hypocrisy or stereotyping. Perhaps they are. Or perhaps, the Bhabi Girl is a canny survivor of the minefields of gender dynamics, expectations and constrictions.In fact, the following year, the straight-haired girl was present at Manoj’s birthday party — with her new boyfriend. She was wearing a skirt. It hadn’t worked out between them, and she’d found another way to be. Perhaps, she was laughing at everyone as she had played Bhabi Girl the previous year thinking, “let them eat cake.”Bhabi Girls are sweet, demure, kind-hearted, sometimes full of girlish innocence, sometimes womanly poise. Most importantly, they are usually introduced not by name but as — Tumhari Bhabi