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As I came face to face with my recruiter, I was overcome with the urge to confess.

The apartment full of stolen office supplies, my father-in-law’s cache of illegal fireworks, that time I cheated on my Grade 10 math exam but still failed. If I wanted to become a spy, I would need a clean slate.

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But when given the chance to come clean to the nice woman from Canadian Security and Intelligence Services, I choked.

“Can I ask why you might want to become a spy?” she said.

The words came tumbling out. “Because I want to … I’m loyal to this country,” I said, trying my best to picture Don Cherry’s pink face and a box of half-eaten Timbits with a genuine sense of longing.

In truth, I was doing a little sleuthing of my own — going undercover at CSIS’s Montreal recruitment fair Wednesday where hundreds gathered to apply for a handful of jobs at the service.

They packed us into the basement of the downtown Sheraton, where I stood behind a tall, fit young man who looked like an Abercrombie & Fitch model. He showed me the job description for “intelligence officer,” and I could already see the red flags.