As Carli Lloyd contemplates whether to try to become the first female player in NFL history, the soccer star says she won’t consider playing with the United States women’s national team in the 2020 Olympics if it is anything like her recent World Cup experience.

Lloyd remains bothered by how she was relegated to a limited role in this summer’s tournament. Lloyd played in all seven games, but made only one start, during which she became the oldest player to score two goals in a World Cup game. Alex Morgan, Megan Rapinoe and Tobin Heath were Team USA’s first-string forwards en route to a historic title.

“There’s no denying it: I deserved to be on that field that whole World Cup, but I wasn’t,” the 37-year-old Lloyd said on the ESPN podcast, “Laughter Permitted with Julie Foudy.”

“And I think I’ve grown as a person, as a player. It sucked. It absolutely sucked.”

Lloyd captained the U.S. to a World Cup title in 2015, becoming the first woman to score a hat trick in the final. But the most recent World Cup was the culmination of a three-year run during which Lloyd believes her playing time has unfairly been reduced.

“I’m not going to lie and sugarcoat it,” Lloyd said. “It was absolutely the worst time of my life. It affected my relationship with my husband, with friends. It really was rock bottom of my entire career. But somehow, you see light at the end of the tunnel, and I can honestly say I’m having more fun now playing than I ever have in my career. I think I just learned a lot throughout it.”

Lloyd is currently playing for the NWSL’s Sky Blue FC, and scored eight goals in 14 games this season. The New Jersey native said she hopes to speak with the yet-to-be-named U.S. coach, who will be replacing Jill Ellis, about her potential role during the 2020 Olympics in Japan before committing.

“I hope a coach comes in that values me, respects me, wants me [as] a part of the Olympic plans,” Lloyd said. “There’s no question my abilities are there. I’m able to do it. Physically I’m able to do it. I would love to be a part of it, but I want to have an open, honest conversation, because if I’m not, I can’t go through what I went through for three years.”