A phrase that has long been thrown around is the popular term, "a real man". Being labeled a "real man" has forever been seen as the ultimate compliment of respect one man could give another and to be viewed in this way has been regarded as the ultimate goal to achieve for the male population. But what is "a Real Man?"

Sorry Mike Gundy, age doesn't have anything to do with it.





In some parts of society this achievement is measured in terms of how much alcohol you can consume without keeling over and puking your guts out. Others regard "a real man" in accordance to how many fights one has participated in and won, even if the reason for the fight is for something completely idiotic and dishonorable. Another historic definition of a real man would depend on how shredded and cut up he is when it comes to his muscularity, nevermind if the method of gaining it was questionable. Some societies label one a "real man" depending on how much money he rakes in or how many sexual encounters he's had, disregarding whether the money is earned in a positive manner and overlooking the tremendous heartbreak of the poor women that agreed to be another tally mark to his bedroom antics. Catching a football. Driving a pickup truck. I'm sure there's plenty more.









The other day I came across an article on AskMen.com that provided a top 10 list of traits of a real man . Now granted, I don't think the blog was supposed to be taken too seriously because it was from the perspective of a mafioso character. Despite that, I thought it was a good concept to dive into when properly defining a "real man". I believe this top 10 list is significant since what constitutes a "real man" is not legislated by any regular humanfolk. Oh, no, no, no--the declaration of what a Real Man is comes from the words of the Creator of man himself, Allah (God) and was put into practice by a man who is without a doubt the epitome of a real man, The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him). Just by reading about this man's life, his struggles and the description of his profound character, there is no one on this earth that the label "a Real Man" fits more perfectly than him. So without further ado, here are the top ten traits of a real man.





Trait no. 1: A Real Man Reads

Photograph Nick Daly/Getty Images

That's right, just like how your stomach needs to be regularly fed with food, your mind needs to be regularly fed with knowledge. Now there's quite a few ways to attain knowledge of different things but a surefire way for it to stick in your brain is through reading. (A quick sidenote: If you're a real man, you didn't groan when reading this first trait.) And no I'm not saying reading the newspaper, or your twitter/Facebook newsfeed does it. That is NOT true reading. That's not manly reading. I'm talking about books. A man reads books. Books that can save him from making stupid mistakes, books that can inspire him to get off his lazy rear end and do something with himself, books that make him realize why the heck he's here in the first place. Though the Prophet(pbuh) himself was illiterate, he made it a high priority to seek knowledge and there are many sayings where he mentions the high value importance of attaining knowledge. Some include: "

" and

A real man doesn't stop seeking knowledge until his heart stops beating.



Trait No. 2: A Real Man is a Focused Man Alluding to the trait above, a real man who has knowledge, recognizes what is important and what is rubbish that ain't worth his time. A real man doesn't lose himself in the pretty bells and whistles of life that don't bring him any real benefit. When a real man sees things that are a distraction, he keeps it moving. A real man realizes why he's here on this earth, that he is only here for a short time and that he has to do what he has to do to make sure he's gotta ticket to paradise. A real man focuses on what's important: bettering himself, making a living for his family and preparing himself for the future. A real man lives by what the Prophet(pbuh) said: “Live in this world as (if you are) a wayfarer or a stranger.” Which in essence means to not get caught up by all the glitz and glamour of this world cause it's temporary. Like a stranger in a part of the hood he ain't from, keep it moving, don't stick around and waste time. Don't let things distract you because you gotta make it to your destination. A real man manages his time wisely and gives the proper due to his work, his family, and his Creator. Stay focused and do what you gotta do, cause in the end, there isn't gonna be anybody to bail you out.





Trait No. 3: A Real Man is Gentle but Firm.

A real man recognizes that he's a man with an intellect, not an animal. A real man speaks softly and doesn't need to holler and yell at the top of his lungs to be heard or get his point across. A real man doesn't create a scene, start trouble or "act hard" in front of others to show he's a tough guy. When there is trouble ahead, he does his best to squash it in a civilized manner. A real man isn't a punk either. Just because he doesn't raise his voice or try to intimidate others, doesn't mean he's a floor mat that people can walk all over. If he has a problem with something, he lets it be heard. A real man practices patience. A real man suppresses his anger like a caged lion. Sure he can the open the door at anytime and unleash hell but knows there is more honor and dignity in holding back. Raising his fists is the ABSOLUTE last resort.The Prophet(pbuh) said, "He is not strong and powerful who throws people down, but he is strong who withholds himself from anger." in addition he also said, "Deal gently with people, and be not harsh; cheer them and condemn not." A real man lives by these quotes.





Trait No. 4: A Real Man is a Family Man

A real man recognizes the importance of family and does his utmost to be a contributing member of that family. A real man preserves and protects. A real man recognizes that his children are a blessing from God and treats them as such and brings them up to be upright human beings. A real man MAKES TIME for his family and does not neglect them because of work or his own personal dealings. A real man is the backbone of his family and doesn't have time to be weak. A real man doesn't just take care of his immediate household but looks after his family that he grew up with. He honors his parents to the utmost, especially his mama. He calls his family often and stays in touch. He's good to his siblings and relatives. A real man strives to be the best father, brother, son and husband he can be and works hard daily to live up to being the best. The Prophet(pbuh) once said, "The best of you is the one who is best to his own family, and I am the best of you towards my family."









Trait No. 5: A Real Man doesn't Slander/Backbite/Cuss/Gossip

A real man keeps his mouth shut if he doesn't have anything nice to say. A real man when he hears others ripping on whoever--whether they know them or not--either goes over and shuts it down by warning the party or walks right on out of the room. A real man would say in that situation, "Hey, I wouldn't like anyone saying that about me when I'm not around so ya'll shouldn't be talking about so-and-so like that". A real man keeps a careful watch on his tongue cause he knows that what he says can hurt him then or definitely in the future. A real man doesn't discuss things he doesn't know about or people he hasn't ever met. A real man doesn't cuss to be "cool" and chooses his words intelligently because he can get his point across better without dropping an f-bomb or an s-missle. A real man recognizes the hadith that says "most people that are in hellfire are in there because they couldn't control their tongue." In the Qur'an, God states that he has given man "two lips and one tongue" so the lips can control the tongue. (Surah Al Balad)





Trait No. 6: A Real Man Keeps his Promises

A real man's word is his bond. If he can't keep a promise, he doesn't give his word. A real man is trustworthy and doesn't flake out on somebody. He doesn't use InshaAllah (God willing) as a copout. He doesn't break deals and he pays back debts. A real man knows that his words are as powerful as his actions, and that they must be taken at face value. A real man doesn't say "I'll try". He either does or he doesn't and if he can't do it, he says he can't. Ain't no shame in saying that you can't do a favor for somebody, or you won't be able to come through. At least you'll be upfront and honest about it rather than being relied on and letting someone down. What does the Qur'an say about this? “O you who believe! Why do you say that which you do not do? Most hateful it is with Allah that you say that which you do not do.” (Surah Saff 61:2, 3) From this quote, a Real Man knows that keeping a promise is serious business and doesn't screw around on them.





Trait No. 7: A Real Man Respects ALL Women

A real man doesn't "holler" at girls. A real man doesn't sit with other guys and talk about how sexy girls are and drool while discussing their body parts and wanting to "hit it". A real man doesn't treat women like a buffet. A real man pursues a WIFE--not a girlfriend--and he goes about it the right way. If a Real man is interested in a female, he goes to their parents to let them know his intentions, like how they did it back in the day. A real man works on lowering his gaze when beautiful women walk by. A real man keeps his interactions with women short, cordial and to the point and doesn't let it go longer so flirting and dirty thoughts can come into the mix. If a man is married, he stays faithful and doesn't leer his eyes elsewhere--and that includes the TV, the internet and magazines.A real man is respectful to his wife--in public and in private. A real man does not raise his hands to his wife no matter the case. A real man doesn't point out his wife's flaws and treat her like a second-class citizen. A real man treats every female (that ISN'T their wife) they come in contact the same way he treats his mother or sister and unless you're a sick freak, you don't fantasize about,flirt with or hookup with your mom or sister.



