ICE Detains Jesus for Having a Spanish Sounding Name

May 24, 2018

Canton, Ohio — Jesus Christ of Nazareth was stopped today by an ICE agent for having a “Spanish sounding” name.

“You say your name is Jesus, huh?” said agent ICE agent Hans Weber. “We don’t get much Hay-Zeus around here, Mr. Christ. Or is it Señor Christ? Sr. Christez?”

But Jesus did not flinch. He smiled in the light of the sun under a clear blue sky and replied, simply: “I was a stranger and you invited me in.”

This caused the ICE agent to snap, yelling loudly, as if by yelling at a higher volume Jesus would be able to better understand that strangely futuristic American dialect. “Enough of your attitude, Hay-Zeus. Show me your birth certificate.”

But Jesus Christez seemed outside of it all. He was calm. He was clear. Jesus said to the man “Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.”

And the ICE agent marveled at him for some time.

And Jesus added “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me.”

Last seen, Jesus was on a bus heading south to Mexico, forced to carry his belongings on his back, another refugee in ICE’s “Hell Frozen Over” sweep through these chosen lands of the 12 tribes of Israel.