Activists Take Break From Mourning Dead Gorilla To Cheer Abortion Ruling

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Thankful for the respite from the outrage they’ve been feeling since a gorilla was killed at the Cincinnati Zoo in order to protect a small boy who had climbed into its enclosure, a multitude of activists took a break from mourning the dead ape in order to cheer Monday’s Supreme Court ruling which overturned Texas laws requiring regulations on abortion clinics.

“It’s great to have some positive news for change,” Sarah Fowler, an activist from Fairfax, VA, said in praise of the SCOTUS decision. “After those monsters murdered sweet Harambe because that stupid kid climbed into his living space, my mind has been infected by all these thoughts of ugliness and death. But today’s news cheered me up. I’m just so happy that because of this ruling, we’ll be seeing the highest number of abortions possible.”

Amy Fisher from Santa Cruz, CA, echoed Fowler’s sentiments. “The Supreme Court made the right choice in overturning those restrictive Texas laws requiring a modicum of abortion clinic regulations designed to protect women,” she said, adding also that any law which could theoretically stop or delay even one abortion at any stage at all should be struck down as unconstitutional. “Conception to birth—I don’t care if a fetus is at 38 weeks and weighs 8 pounds—any woman should have the right to terminate any pregnancy at any time for any reason.”

Asked if she had any thoughts about Harambe the gorilla, Fisher broke down weeping.

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