CUPERTINO, CA – The controversial decision to remove everything useful on the 2016 Macbook Pro has continued with the 2017 update. Leaked documents by an Apple insider appear to show that the next Macbook will ditch all ports with the exception of 2 credit card chip readers.

We reached out to Apple CEO Tim Cook on the rumors:

“The rumors are true, and we think customers are really excited about this. In the past, you used to have to enter in your credit card numbers by hand in order to pay us, but now it is a seamless, intuitive process. Just insert and go. We have always been focused on making your life easier, and this is no exception”

When asked why the design team ditched every other input type, Tim Cook responded:

“No one wants to deal with wires. They get in the way. This is why we are introducing Apple iDrives, the Bluetooth-powered line of backup drives that sync seamlessly with all your Apple devices. At only $399 for 16GB, it is something that we feel our customers are going to go nuts over.”