We got talking about Rocket League the other day, and started wondering: who is driving those cars?


I mean, it’s easy to assume that they’re remote-controlled, but there’s no actual proof of this, nor reference in the game’s presentation. So maybe they’re not remote-controlled. Maybe someone is driving them. Maybe it’s you. Maybe bears. Maybe there are tiny dogs who have been trained to flip cars and withstand extreme Gs. Maybe they’re indentured Autobots, and don’t even need a driver.

And, like, how big are the cars? Because there’s never any reference for this. You never see them parked in between silhouettes of a school bus and Tyrannosaurus Rex. Are they car-sized? Are they tiny toys? Are they GIANT TANKS?


We play enough Rocket League that these are the kinds of questions that have been keeping us up at night, so I sent developers Psyonix an email to get to the bottom of it. Here is their reply. Sadly, there is no bottom. At least not one we’ll likely ever see.

Hi Luke, Officially, we’re not telling. We haven’t said if they’re RC cars or regular-sized cars, or even if they’re small. We haven’t said if people drive them, if they’re sentient, or if they’re controlled by some sort of AI. We have very intentionally kept this a secret, and will continue to do so. It’s more fun that way (and easier for people to enjoy the game without having a specific lore to adhere to). Cheers. :)

Interesting. It’s not like they’re saying there isn’t a lore. They’re saying it’s a secret. As though sitting on the shelves in their office is a dense tome of arcane history, full of intrigue, lines of succession and tales of the great wars between the Houses Of Blue & Orange. Secrets that we, the players, shall never know.

Meaning: it’s time to get started on your own Rocket League lore fanfic.