Ok people, it is time to talk about “nigger.” We need to settle this once and for all. Bill Maher said it, Ice Cube reacted to it, so now we have to finish it.

First, let’s drop the ridiculous pretence that swapping “nigga” for “nigger” somehow makes the word better. Whenever a white person says either variation, the black people within earshot just got angry. Since the response to both words is essentially identical, and the crime of saying them equally egregious, for ease of writing this piece I am just going to use “nigger” to refer to both.

To recap, Bill Maher said “house nigger” on his show and Ice Cube, and presumably a lot of other black people, got angry. It makes one wonder how black people would react if, one day, Siri suddenly gave directions that said “In 300 feet, turn right, nigger.” Is Siri white or black? Would using “nigger” reflect a solid Artificial Intelligence’s grasp of how black people actually communicate, or a sad day of racist robotics? I digress, but considering that hypothetical actually highlights the problem: a black person needs to see the human who said “nigger” — see the color of their skin — then, only then, does said black person get angry. If they turn and see “nigger” came from black lips instead of white lips, it’s “Oh, a nigger just said ‘nigger’ so that’s acceptable.” God that’s dumb.

Ice Cube summarized (pretty accurately, in my view) how mainstream black culture views the word “nigger:” it is “ours” now. Comparing it to a knife, he explained the way he thinks most black people who use “nigger” feel about “nigger”: it can be a tool or a weapon. Here is a snippet of what Ice Cube said:

“When I hear my homies say it, it don’t feel like venom. When I hear a white person say it, it’s like a knife.”

Which is totally true. It is as true as saying that someone holding a knife is either a pedestrian who just finished eating an apple or a threat needing to be shot in the back. For one race, the thing is almost always seen as a tool while for the other race, it is almost always a weapon.

This double standard is exactly what is wrong with race relations in America. Character, not color, should be what matters — isn’t that the dream? If black people continue to insist on exclusivity in using “nigger” as a tool just because of black skin, then black people have ceded the moral high ground in demanding that white people view them without bias for what they are holding in their hands during a traffic stop. Insisting that race be a determining factor in how to view what a person is saying or doing is the cornerstone of racism.

For my part, whenever someone says “my nigga” to me or somehow uses it as a pronoun, I get angry. The word is disgusting. It has a disgusting history and it should be retired from use. If you disagree, then your opinion likely falls into one of two buckets:

1) Black people saying “nigger” is no different than saying “dude” (“Nigga, you did not just say what I think you did”) or “people” (“Those niggas over there disagree”). Essentially, a much less formal version of second or third person pronouns, but just for black use.

2) Black people saying “nigger” is sort of like “fuck” — it exists on a continuum and can be used in a more threatening or offensive manner on one extreme all the way to casual, almost unnoticed usage.

I call bullshit on both of those buckets. Can all black people really use “nigger” with impunity? If black people own the word, that would have to be true.

But how would you feel if Barack Obama said “nigger?” I would feel betrayed.

If you are a black student, how would you feel if your black teacher said it to refer to you? I would feel undermined.

If you are a black parent, how would you feel if your black child said it to refer to you, their sibling, or a friend? I would feel like a failure.

My boss sometimes says “fuck” as a way to “be cool” and invite a sense of informality into a setting of obvious power disparity. I cannot imagine any qualified boss using “nigger” in the same way, even if the company were 100% black people. It would not just roll through the listener’s brain without a red flag going up. It would erode their respect for the speaker’s ethos because, in saying “nigger,” they would have just sunken into a quagmire of linguistic sewage. No, even black people do not own “nigger” as Ice Cube seems to believe.

Why, then, do we tolerate most black people saying “nigger” when we all intrinsically know that it is not a one-for-one equivalent with “dude” or “people” or “bro” or “homie” or even “fuck?” That is the more haunting question. We have silently acquiesced to linguistic apartheid, relegating black people to a section of the English language with lower standards of cleanliness. Did I say silently acquiesced? I meant overtly promoted, through film and music and so many other mediums where blackness gets its identity. Do black people need to enslave each other in order to “own” that dark chapter of history too? But, sadly, the joke is on black people because, as a society, the monopoly we have granted black people is not for a word on a hill symbolizing the triumph over a dark past, but for a word that is a garbage heap of hate. Yet black culture has graciously accepted the deed, fenced off “nigger,” and defended it vociferously as “our word now.” But it’s fucking garbage — let it decompose! Better yet, demand that a garbage heap is completely unacceptable territory for any part of black culture to occupy, even for just a single word’s worth of territory.

But let’s go back to nigger usage being a strong example of what is wrong with race in America. What if, tomorrow, white people decided that black people cannot say the word “privilege” anymore. Say it if you like, black person, but if a white person hears you they might punch you in the face. White people have a long history with privilege and have decided that this word is now a symbol of how other races have directed their contempt for whiteness at white people. White people are sick of being made to feel guilty of past wrongdoings and “privilege” symbolizes that disdain when it is spat at white people by black people. It is a white word now, and Eminem is appearing on The Daily Show to reprimand Trevor Noah for saying it, context be damned.

NO WAY white people could do that. At least conspicuously, white people saying that black people cannot do things because they are black comes at a high cost these days. That is where the seductive power of “nigger” over modern blackness truly lies: in overtly doing to white people something whites so overtly did to blacks for so long. It is about exclusion. We can sing “nigger,” but you cannot. We can call our friends “niggers,” but you cannot. But taking things and saying they belong exclusively to you because of race should make every black person who is a supposed champion for equality sick. I hope the black leaders from the Civil Rights Movement who are still alive are sick about the pervasive use of “nigger” in black culture. I am sick about it. But you don’t see any chastising of black culture icons when they exercise their false, misguided claim on “nigger.” If the logic of the civil rights movement holds constant, black leaders should be out on the streets locking arms and marching for the rights of all races to say the word “nigger” freely, which only further illustrates the absurdity of “nigger’s” inclusion in the black American lexicon.

“Nigger” casts its shadow over the legacy of the civil rights movement and the continued hard march towards equality fought by black people everyday. “Nigger” is what killed Trayvon Martin, Philando Castile, and every other person who is dead solely because of their skin color. “Nigger” is the “one ring” of racism — the darkness of racism cannot ever be truly gone until we all acknowledge the false power “nigger” grants its user and collectively throw it into a fucking volcano to destroy it forever.

And this isn’t all on black people. White people, as usual, are guilty too. But white people created this mess, so they fumble awkwardly with how to deal with the fallout. Remember when Samuel L. Jackson pressed a reporter during a “Django: Unchained” interview to say the word? I think many white people have opinions on “nigger” but don’t think they have the right to weigh in on the matter because of their skin color. Isn’t that a shitty feeling, black people? They also don’t want to get hit by Samuel L. Jackson (understandable) or any other black person who might hear them say the “Blacks Only” word. But no one owns the word because it is a word. Claiming ownership of it is a sad farce.

Finally, a comment on what is probably on your mind by now: am I white or black? The fact that you are wondering that means you are part of the problem. Just like “nigger,” it really should not matter who says it (no one should) or who speaks out against it (everyone should). If you need to know whether I am black in order to give me a seat at this table, you are blind anyway.

So, Ice Cube, co-founder of Niggaz Wit Attitudes, keep writing songs with “nigger” in the lyrics, further shitting on black culture in the process. But then shut the fuck up when white people sing along, because if you really want to live in a world where skin color is not the reason someone judges you, then white people and black people singing “nigger” together in harmony at your concerts should be an example of what made today a “Good Day.”