I don't know if book fans are all that interested in the writing process but this is all I have to talk about because I don't go to conventions and such, so here goes:



The sequel to Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits, working title Zoey Punches The Future In The Dick, now exists as a 95,000 word draft in which I still have to write the denouement, the bit after the climax (spoiler: This book has a climax and a denouement). That I will have to do during some vacation days I take in, say, March (for those who don't know, books have to be written during my days off from my day job at Cracked.com).



Then, unless some kind of life disaster intervenes, I will take the week of Memorial Day off in May and edit the whole thing from start to finish, improving lines and jokes and making sure everything makes sense. I will finish this process by printing out a copy of the book on paper.



Then, the next time I have vacation available, probably in Aug/Sept, I will go through that printed version with a red pen and mark individual words or lines or anything else that I still don't like. The reason is that viewing it on paper, versus a computer monitor, tricks my brain into seeing it with fresh eyes. I am looking at it like something someone else wrote. I don't know any other author who does it this way and I think it only works because I am crazy.



Then I will go in and make those final fixes, and, if everything goes perfectly, email it to the publisher in November (it's due at the end of the year, but you never want to be editing a book over the holidays). They will get back to me in February or so with suggested changes which may range from "Perfect, just switch these two words here" to "The second half of the book needs more action." That may add minutes or dozens of hours to the task depending on their feedback.



Then I will make those changes and send it back, probably with a deadline in April 2020. They will send it to the copy editor who will do all of the final suggested changes, literally down to the period and comma, and fix the formatting and every possible thing. Then they will send it to me for final approval (like if there are any mistakes that I actually wanted to keep, like as a joke or whatever). During this time we will be talking about cover designs and any unique formatting things, and it will already have gone up on Amazon for pre-order and we'll be laying the groundwork for promotion stuff, by sending out copies for famous people to read and maybe give blurbs on. Release will be set for probably October 2020.



During this entire time in 2020, while I'm doing these edits and coming up with promotion stuff and also working at Cracked, I will be trying to get JDATE 4 written. And also remember that at any minute I could get a message that they're going full steam ahead on a Suits TV series (we sold TV rights a while ago) and they may want my help on that.



If that sounds like it's impossible to do all of those things at once considering everything else life throws at a person, you're probably right! I made these plans and signed this deal back when my schedule looked very different. So I'll have to figure that out, but not right now. So anyway that's why it takes me so long to write a book.



-Jason "David Wong" Pargin

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