We’re honestly surprised not to have seen this pop up in the FAQ that went along with the rollout of Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’ Green New Deal — maybe it was in there; they pulled that document down so fast we might have missed it.

In any case, 2020 Democratic presidential hopeful Bill de Blasio is already on it, urging people to stop using flushable wipes, seeing as they cause “fatbergs,” about which you can learn at the city’s official website on fatbergs:

New York City: There are only FOUR things that should go in your toilet ?

? poop

? pee

? puke

? toilet paper Everything else causes FATBERGS! What are Fatbergs? Well, you gotta click on https://t.co/ZXV9TgF3Oy. — NYC Mayor's Office (@NYCMayorsOffice) March 12, 2019

The Natural Resources Defense Council’s beef is with pillowy soft toilet paper, Americans’ heavy use of which is destroying forests in Canada, therefore leading to climate change.

America’s heavy use of toilet paper – particularly the pillowy soft kind (@Charmin) – is worsening climate change and taking a dramatic and irreversible toll on forests, especially the Canadian boreal forest, acc. to a report by @NRDC and @standearth. https://t.co/1itcj0wnti — NRDC ? (@NRDC) July 17, 2019

Stop smearing toilet paper! — (((c)))onservative (@_c_onservative) July 18, 2019

Now the left wants to tell us how to wipe our a**? — Dave Peer (@DavePeer2) July 18, 2019

you see san Francisco is way ahead of the country..

just look at their sidewalks

??? — Russell Graham (@GrahamHondo) July 18, 2019

you are bright enough to know that pulp trees are a renewable resource………….right, but if not, maybe you and fellow anti toilet paper people could just use your hand, good luck. — rjr (@rjkok2) July 18, 2019

What fresh hell? Ok, The Left has ruined comedy, Hollywood, education, Courts, Sports, religion, genders, Art, civility, borders, Scouts, babies, and the economy. Now, toilet paper too! — Gary Harrington (@247fubar) July 18, 2019

Gawd only knows what they want us to use. But be afraid. Very afraid. — Scott Vandervoort (@jscottvan59) July 18, 2019

The world is getting greener. What are you talking about… — TheMoralCase (@CaseMoral) July 18, 2019

Classic…it is a renewable resource…and forrestation of land is increasing — AmericanFounder (@1stAntinomian) July 18, 2019

I read an article about how farmers in North Carolina planted trees specifically for thus purpose and the market bottomed out bc there was a glut of trees. This is complete bs. — Passionately Curious (@Wrongguy12) July 18, 2019

Seems like there would be an excess of pulp available from trees planted to supply newsprint. In 50 years the demand for newsprint has been severely reduced. I’ll spare the joke about equivalencies of newsprint and buttwipe. Or not.? — Don Alexander (@Wackotreehugger) July 17, 2019

More logging in Canada is for lumber and construction board manufacturing and most paper is made from recycled fibre and sawmill residue. Even bark is used as a fuel in many mills. — David G (@accfanto) July 17, 2019

Maybe your loggers should have re-foresting habits like how we have in the USA? — Zach (@_FREE_KNUBBS) July 18, 2019

This is a joke right?

Forests like this are planted specifically for the purpose of wood pulp.

These trees are planted, managed, grown, harvested, processed into pulp.

The harvested area is then replanted with the same trees & the whole process begins again over a 30 year period. — Noel Stevens (@eatingamandarin) July 18, 2019

"a dramatic and irreversible toll on forests"… maybe you haven't heard, but now scientists have figured a way to grow trees again and again in the same soil! Or was it farmers that figured that out thousands of years ago? Hard to keep up with all of this crazy technology. — Rafols Morales (@rafolsmorales) July 18, 2019

The Canadian boreal forest is fine. According to Wikipedia,

"As of 2005, Canada as a whole has 91% of the forest cover that existed at the dawn of European settlement" And since 2005, the amount of trees cut for paper has declined substantially — Dan Sideen (@sideen_dan) July 18, 2019

And most of the deforestation was outside the boreal forest, largely clearing for agriculture in more temperate areas. — Dan Sideen (@sideen_dan) July 18, 2019

You would have to convince me that the trees involved are not farmed. I believe they are, so you can …. pic.twitter.com/BCT0FnTkoW — Charles X Proxy (@Charlemagne0814) July 17, 2019

First, they took your straws and you said nothing… — Paul Needham (@ThePaulNeedham) July 18, 2019

Leve my TP alone. @potus can we get 100 watt light bulbs again, please? This is freaking ludicrous. — Anonymous sources report… (@truFFLeblog) July 18, 2019

You can have my pillowy soft toilet paper when you 2ply it out of my cold dead hands — Socal (Are we there yet?) (@Socal_crypto) July 18, 2019

I love @Charmin

My body my choice.

Get out of my bathroom. — Gary Buckeye. (@gstanek68) July 18, 2019

We need sensible toilet paper legislation now! — Vince (@VburkeVincent) July 18, 2019

(Wakes up) How can I make my fellow citizens feel bad about themselves today? (Looks around bathroom) I’ve got it! — Ignatz Laird (@IgnatzLaird) July 18, 2019

Because only Americans use toilet paper. — Dee (@Dee4760) July 18, 2019

Weird. China, or any other country doesn’t use toilet paper? — Rudolfo Lasparre (@ODhonnabhain) July 18, 2019

My stars yall are insufferable. — c¥nth¡a?? (@cynthia13049304) July 18, 2019

Touch my toilet paper at your own peril… — Rodd J (@RoddREpub) July 18, 2019

rare earth mining for you "green" energy has a MUCH WORSE impact on the environment; I have yet to see you denounce it — Ze_ultralibéral_moutongris (@le_moutongris) July 18, 2019

Leave my damn toilet paper alone! The real offenders are the ones who use single ply! — The Lone Cypress (@nixpix101) July 18, 2019

Toilet paper, especially the pillowy soft kind is the greatest invention in the last 2000 years. — 9bod1strTroll (@raymondhweiss) July 18, 2019

So sick of this nonsense. I’m going to double the amount I use from now on. — jason⭐️⭐️⭐️ (@Zeus30) July 18, 2019

Fascists are always letting you know who they really are — karl van zandt (@krazyvz) July 17, 2019

You did hear Ocasio-Cortez’ chief of staff admit that the Green New Deal wasn’t a climate-change thing so much as a “change-the-entire-economy thing,” right?

Related: