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We all have to interact with difficult people throughout the day.

It’s an unavoidable fact of our social world – there are going to be people out there who we don’t like, can’t stand being around, and who may even infuriate and enrage us.

These are never pleasant experiences, but we have to learn to deal with them nonetheless.

Often these types of people can create a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety in our lives. Their negative thoughts and emotions become contagious and we can’t help but let them spill over into our own mental state.

However, with the right attitude we can try to minimize the negative influence that difficult people can have on us.

Here are important ideas I try to remind myself whenever I’m interacting with a difficult person. Keeping these things in mind can help you become more calm and understanding regardless of who you’re talking to.



1. Everyone is fighting their own battles.

Regardless of what you see on the surface, everyone is fighting their own battles and everyone experiences problems in life.

It can often appear that someone has it much better than you, but we can’t possibly know everything a person is going through. We often compare other people’s highlights with our behind-the-scenes.

But many people hide their true thoughts and feelings. They show people their “confident” or “happy” sides, but they are miserable and insecure on the inside.

Never underestimate how much pain someone might be going through. You never know what a person may be experiencing. When someone is acting like a jerk toward you, it could be that they are really hurting deep-down.



2. If I was in their situation, I’d act in a similar way.

When around difficult people, we can often underestimate how similarly we would act if the tables were turned.

As I mentioned in 3 Reasons to Give People the Benefit of the Doubt, we have a tendency to underestimate situational factors and overestimate personality factors when a person makes a mistake or does something wrong.

We often say to ourselves, “No way would I act like that if I were them,” but the truth is we really don’t know how we would act unless we ourselves were actually put in that situation.

Research shows people can be really bad at guessing how they would act in a situation they’ve never experienced before, especially a situation with high emotions.

Psychologist George Loewenstein calls this the “hot-cold empathy gap.” The idea is that human understanding is often “state dependent,” – when one is angry it is difficult to understand what it is like for one to be happy, and vice versa.

The next time you see someone acting in a way you don’t understand, try seeing yourself in their shoes. What would lead you to maybe act in a similar way? You’re probably not that different from the other person after all.



3. Don’t take it personally, they’re just having a bad day.

When dealing with difficult people, it’s way too easy to get sucked up in their negative energy and want to dish it back.

Maybe they say something very mean or insulting toward us, so naturally we’re tempted to return with our own mean comment or insult.

Difficult people often seem like they are attacking us – and sometimes they are purposely trying to get under our skin – so our ego feels the need to defend itself.

Of course, this only makes the problem worse. When our ego gets into the mix, we end up feeding into the conflict and hostility.

This is why it’s very important to detach yourself from what the person says and not take anything personally. Understand that most times when people say something really mean, it’s because they are already in a bad mood or having a bad day.

In the heat of the moment, people can often say some really mean and hurtful things, but we have to understand that they don’t usually mean it.



4. How can I help this person, instead of fighting back?

Instead of asking yourself, “How can I fight back and defend myself from this person?” try asking, “How can I help this person?”

When people are in these negative and unpleasant states, often times it’s a weak and desperate cry for help. They just want someone to listen to them and help make their lives a little bit easier.

Believe it or not, they aren’t looking for enemies – they are looking for friends – even if it doesn’t necessarily seem that way.

You don’t have to do anything huge, even the smallest gestures of kindness can make people way more appreciative and likable. A simple question like, “How is everything going?” or “Anything I can help you with today?” can make a big difference.

Let them know you’re there for them if they need someone. People like to know they have people on their side.



5. Sometimes it’s best to just leave people alone.

In certain situations, people don’t seem like they are interested in finding solutions, they are just interested in creating problems.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is just leave difficult people alone and not reward them with your attention. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.

When people get into really negative states, it can be impossible to reason with them or talk sense with them. Instead, you just need to give them space, then get back to them when they have calmed down and are ready to listen.

The best way to avoid a person’s negativity may be to just remove yourself from the situation entirely. Don’t hesitate to walk away when you have no other positive course of action to take.



6. Not everyone is going to get along all of the time.

Our world is filled with many different people with different beliefs, values, interests, and goals. Therefore, it’s understandable that we all aren’t going to get along all of the time.

Of course we should try our best to minimize conflict in our relationships as much as possible, but it’s unrealistic to expect there to never be any conflict whatsoever.

Every healthy relationship, whether it’s with friends, family, coworkers, or a romantic partner is going to experience it’s ups and downs. There will be disagreements, arguments, and fights. It happens. It’s part of life.

The lesson here is to not beat yourself up when a situation doesn’t work out exactly as you want it to. You’re going to argue with people sometimes. You may even snap at people and say mean and cruel things.

Everyone makes mistakes including yourself, so try to look past them and put your best foot forward in the future. You’re not going to be able to defuse every situation.



7. Everyone wants to be happy, some are just misguided about it.

One of the most important things I constantly remind myself is that: everyone wants to be happy, some people are just misguided about it.

I guess I’m one of those people that believe everyone is a good person “deep down.” I’m not sure if I can ever prove it, but I do think this belief helps me greatly in building positive relationships with as many people as possible.

When I believe that everyone has good intentions and just wants to find their own happiness, it helps me treat people with kindness and respect, even if they have done some really terrible things that I don’t personally understand.

So instead of thinking of a person as inherently wrong, bad, or evil – try thinking of them as “misguided,” but ultimately a good person. That thought in itself can become a type of self-fulfilling belief, where having a positive view of someone can influence them to act in more positive ways.

Maybe if they had the right experiences and the right knowledge, they would act much differently? But for now they are still in darkness and just trying to find their own way out.

You don’t always have to avoid difficult people or run away from them, you may just have to be more patient and try to bring out the good in them more often.



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