WOW, everything sounds delicious. I just have a few questions about the specials, even though you described them in great detail. I have several dietary restrictions I need to bring up. Don’t worry, they’re entirely self-enforced and in no way ordered by a medical professional. If my boyfriend were here, he’d back me up.

I really like the sound of the orecchiette and broccoli rabe, but I’m currently on the Paleo diet. Well, most days I’m on it. I alternate between Paleo, juice cleanses and eating like the world is going to end tomorrow. But tonight I’m sticking to Paleo, so no carbs! Pretty sure early man didn’t have handmade orecchiette, so I shouldn’t either. Can I substitute that for something else? Do you have any ancient grains in the kitchen? Or perhaps you could just swap out the pasta for a pile of sticks you found in the woods?

The filet — is that free-range, grass-fed beef? I saw one food documentary in 2009 and now I feel like it’s important to know where the meat you’re eating comes from, you know? Also, is it hormone-free? I don’t want to ingest any hormones. I mean, I do take hormones every day, but that’s just because my boyfriend hasn’t proposed to me yet even though we’ve been living together for six years.

What’s your favorite dish on the menu? We’ve never met and I don’t know anything about your tastes, but I’d love your suggestion of what to order. I’m not going to take it, but I want you to feel like I might.