For those with a little more dignity, there's a Winnie the Pooh rectal thermometer. The downside to the Pooh thermometer is that it doesn't play a fun tune to let you know it's acclimated itself to your ass, so you'll just have to use your eyes to figure it out. However, it has Pooh right in the name. Was that joke so obvious everyone just refused to acknowledge it at the time this thing was conceived or what?

1 Twilight Underwear

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I already put underwear on this list once but I refuse to not acknowledge what is arguably the worst product in the history of humanity, and I'm including everything on the Arby's menu when I say that.

Look, it's autographed. Now jam your groin in there.

You'll notice on the inside, the most crotch-saturated portion of the garment, is Baron Von SternBrow's surly mug. He's just sitting there on what us refined folk call the gusset, faintly lipglossed, waiting for some desperately lonely fan's undercarriage to settle in for the most disquieting round of CPR ever conceived. Why so glum? Possibly because he's aware that could potentially result in spending the rest of the week until laundry day sporting a most unfortunate goatee depending on the hygiene of the person wearing it. If anyone out there has actually purchased this product, then damn you. Damn your very soul you depraved, completely fucked individual. If you haven't fully appreciated the depths of "for fuck's sake" that this product plumbs, stop to appreciate the Twilight demographic, which seems to mostly be underage girls. That face you just made was your soul puking in its own mouth.