To the mama’s that don’t know what to say when asked “Are you ready for another one”? after trying so hard for the one you have.

Some people don’t know your story. Some people know your story and seem to forget or they just don’t realize how hard it was to get pregnant and once pregnant have a successful pregnancy. So when people ask me if I am ready to have another one I answer with “I am going to enjoy the one I have been blessed with and if God sees fit for another then so be it”.

What they don’t see is the tears when you are alone. While you are grateful for your little miracle you still think about the children you have lost. You think about how much you would love to make your lil one a big brother or sister. Then guilt sets in because you feel that is a selfish train of thought. You should be happy with what you have and let the other thoughts go.

Not so easy though. You see everyone in my family is “breeders” as I like to call them. They all have at least 2 if not 3 kids each and I am the oldest in my family with a new baby. I will never understand why I could not get pregnant on my own and had a child sooner. I know that we will more than likely not have other children and he will be an only child. I wonder will he be ok as an only child? Will he understand when he gets older and his friends have siblings or cousins their age that he will not? Will he be okay that his parents will be much older than his friend’s parents? Will he be okay when we have moved on from this earth that he will not have family to lean on? These are the things that torment me often, that I cry about and no one has answers to.

I would love for him to have a large family unit to grow up with like I did. I was an only child but I had cousins my age and we hung out almost every summer. While we have all moved on and apart as adults we still keep in touch often.

That is why my friend group is that much more important to me. My tribe is small of a few mama’s with babies his age and we try to get together at least once a month if not more. These lil one’s will be who he grows up with God willing and will be his family. They may not be blood but God sends people into your life not by accident. He knows the needs or your heart and will always provide.

Who knows maybe one day we will have another, for now though we will love and cherish our miracle and will give him the best life possible!

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