This is going to sound like No Shit 101 to people who don't scream with unbridled terror when someone makes eye contact, but there are some places that just aren't meant for meeting people. You hear stories from time to time about "I met my wife (or best friend, or cuckold partner) at the grocery store. I bumped into her cart, and we've been together ever since!" Then we combine that story with Chad Suave's advice on just walking up and saying hi, and things get weird.

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Because of our lack of experience, we don't recognize that those stories are the result of a social lottery -- as rare as being thanked for farting in an elevator. Everything has to line up perfectly for those types of encounters to happen because when you're pushing a cart full of ass wipes and home enema kits, the last thing you want to do is stop and talk to someone you've never met. But our untrained minds are telling us to go where the people are, and Walmart is just packed with mofos.

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"Start the car, I found one! Go, go, go!"

It's not that there's a defined list of off-limits establishments. You just have to use your judgment on why those people are there in the first place. People at the post office are running errands and need to get in and out as fast as possible. People at the doctor's office feel like shit and don't want to be bothered by other sick people. The stripper is nice to you because you give her dollars. Ask your mom, she'll tell you. OH, BAM, I JUST FUCKING WENT THERE!