Smoking pot is becoming less and less taboo in America as states legalize marijuana one by one – but what about smoking pot once you have kids? Whether using marijuana has a positive or negative effect on parenting has been a source of much debate this year.

So, to mark 4/20 – the so-called "Holy Day of Pot" – we asked parents to tell us about how they handle marijuana in the home. Nearly 200 people responded and shared their thoughts about whether weed can make you a better parent, when and where it's OK to "partake" and how they talk about drugs with their kids. Read on.

Where and when to smoke

"Only smoke outside" – a popular recommendation. Photograph: /Flickr user piotrjozwiak Photograph: Flickr user piotrjozwiak

I usually smoke after they've gone to bed. Weed is my private time in the last few hours of a day. I wouldn't smoke in front of [my kids] at this point. I'm not sure it would instill confidence and consistency in them and that's my job being a parent. – Buddy, 47, Los Angeles, California, US

I light up a spliff when they have gone to bed and I’m outside with my husband. I don't get totally blitzed out of mind. If parents can sit about and have a moderate drink of wine or beer around their kids then smoking a joint shouldn’t be classed as anything different. – Merry, London, UK

I go out into the garage when everyone else is drinking beers or wine or cocktails. One must always keep in mind there is a time and place for things. That is the real issue. If it is not a time to drink, it is not a time to smoke. That keeps things pretty even. – Rob, 59, Gig Harbor, Washington, US

I do not smoke near my daughter. I smoke in a room at the top of the house well away from her. It allows me to be more patient and less irritable. Smoking cannabis during the day makes me less active and I don't play as much as I normally would. So I like to keep it to a night thing – Tannis, Halifax

Yes I smoke weed. Yes I have two awesome sons that are 8 and 4. I smoke around them occasionally most of the time I go outside or in another room. I feel that smoking pot makes me a better person in general not just a better parent. – Anonymous

Never in the house. Only ever in the back garden. Never when the in-laws are over as I don't want them to feel uncomfortable. – Anonymous

I smoke marijuana on a semi-regular nightly basis after I put my son to bed. My husband will usually crack open a couple beers, but I prefer marijuana to help me unwind. Marijuana, as I have used it, has helped me to deal with my anxiety, and I has also helped shape my overall outlook on life; my thought processes are more forward-leaning, positive, and optimistic when I smoke cannibis on a semi-regular basis. – Anonymous, 31, Maine, US

On telling the kids (or not)

"I would never smoke and drive" Photograph: /Flickr user skiesonfire Photograph: Flickr user skiesonfire

He never sees us or our friends smoking. We have a signal for when one of us would like to smoke, so the other can make sure he's taken care of or put to bed before joining in. – Elizabeth, NYC

My little one is still too young to have full on conversations with but I'm not going to encourage cannabis use when we do talk about it. I'm simply going to educate her with real facts as she grows up. The same way we all educate our children about things us such as alcohol, coffee, too many prunes and bathroom cleaner. – Anonymous, 30, Southampton, UK

We never, ever would allow our kid (age 12.5) to know we occasionally partake. It's not impossible that once he's quite a lot older (18?), we might be a little less shy about it, but it seems unlikely to me at this point. We have, once or twice, eaten a cookie or something when out at a music festival or lounging by the pool in a hotel while he is with us, but we would never get "totally baked". I'm a control freak so I'd never be comfortable being really stoned and unable to cope with what might come up when he's around. – Max, 51, Los Angeles, California, US

I didn't smoke weed around my kids when they were younger, not because I was ashamed of my drug use, but because it is illegal and I didn't want to encourage them to break the law. Now that they are grown up, and have discovered weed on their own, I smoke with them. – Steve, 40, Aberdeen, Scotland

I've seen kids smoking with their parents and I’ve even joined in. I felt uncomfortable at first, but it is definitely a bonding experience. I would not smoke with my child until he/she was 18. I think smoking as a parent makes me take my child's perspective into view, which is often absent from most parental decisions. As anything else, it is best used in moderation and would probably be best used as a tool for thinking/decision making or relaxation after hours. – Jonathan, Boston, MA

How weed makes them better parents

"[Smoking pot] doesn't make you a lesser parent. Choosing to be a lesser parent makes you that way." Photograph: /Flickr user tillwe Photograph: Flickr user tillwe

I feel weed makes me a better, calmer, more interactive parent, I ask my daughter more questions, have the patience to sit and teach her new things, go on long exploratory walks and spend longer playing with her than I would if I hadn't been smoking, I feel it's really bought us closer. – Lucy, 25, Portsmouth, UK

I find it helps me relate to my daughter on her level. I'm more playful and silly and I really enjoy playing dolls, or crazy dancing, or pretend scenarios, or exploring in the woods. It also slows me down and removes the constant goal-reaching aspect of sober adulthood. I don't rush her around or constantly direct her, and instead I ease back and let her run the show. – Shawn, 30, Springfield, Massachusetts, US

Being high around my kids is wonderful. I have two kids, one is four-years-old, and another who is 9 months old. I can be a "tough" parent with the eldest If he doesn't listen to me. I get frustrated with him over small things. But when I'm stoned, I tend to let small things slide, and punish the important stuff, a more tactical parent. Not only that, but I can "get on their level" more, appreciate their wonder at interesting things, and play with them for hours. It allows me to shrug off the workday stress and transform back into "fun, silly, daddy" rather than the snappy daddy who just needs to be left alone for a while after work.– Dan, Lemington, UK

I regret not smoking more when my daughter was little. Not every day, obviously, but at weekends. Whenever I did smoke I was much more aware of what she was saying to me, and much better able to go with the flow of the games we played. Marijuana seems to me to be a 'total interest' drug, which locates you in the here and now. I'm a relaxed person anyway, but there's always an element of impatience and self preoccupation about un-stoned people, I find. I don't smoke now BTW – Paul Aberdeen, Scotland

I have chronic anxiety problems and smoking [marijuana] really helps me to keep it under control. I'm therefore able to be a fun laid back mother. My son adores me and we laugh all day long. – Matahina, 27, London, UK

I rarely smoke when my son is awake, it’s always after he has gone to sleep. I would never smoke marijuana in front of him, and I hide my supplies out of his reach. On the rare occasions when I do smoke during the daytime, it is always minute amounts, and only when we do not have plans to drive anywhere, as I would never drive impaired. – Anonymous, 31, Maine, US

I don't see anyone worried about drinking alcohol around their kids and it’s a much more dangerous and harmful drug. It has always been my opinion that [marijuana] has made me a better parent. It helps me shed all my frustrations and worries about what I have to do all day to earn a living and my worries about the state of the country we live in, helps me be myself around my kids, helps me relate to them on their level. My son is grown now and smoking a little pot together is and always will be a part of our relationship. – Frank, 58, Asheville, North Carolina