In pictures: John Carver's career in black and white at Newcastle United

In pictures: John Carver's career in black and white at Newcastle United

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Sickened and scarred by it, battered but “not at all” bitter, John Carver admits he “wasn’t good enough” during his five-month spell in the hot seat at Newcastle United.

But wiser for and emboldened by the experience, the 50-year-old remains determined to bounce back, and prove himself as a fully-fledged football manager.

Carver was appointed head coach at St James’ Park in January, following Alan Pardew’s departure for Crystal Palace.

Though he ultimately led the Magpies to top-flight safety, he first oversaw a club-record sequence of eight successive Premier League defeats, lost 13 of his 20 games in charge and won just three.

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Amid all that he famously declared his self-confidence such that he believed himself the “best coach in the Premier League”.

Come June, he was dismissed by the club he had served, on and off, since the age of 16.

But at a recent Sir Bobby Robson Foundation Golf Day, when funds raised by the charity passed £9million, Carver bore the look of a more relaxed soul.

Time away and on television has helped. Helped him reflect, and move on. Now he is ready to do just that.

But he will do so a changed man.

Less open, more guarded. Less inclined to say ‘Yes’ unless the circumstances suit, and the odds are stacked more favourably. Less himself, to gain more.

Yet with more, much more, “ambition, drive and belief” than ever before.

“I definitely hadn’t got to the point where I thought ‘I’ve had enough of this’, absolutely not,” said Carver, of his period leading Newcastle.

“My biggest disappointment was that I never had a penny (to spend). I lost two players – (Davide) Santon and (Mapou) Yanga-Mbiwa, which I agreed with – but I would have loved to have had £50million to spend.

“Perhaps then people could have judged me.

“If you look at last season, I was the only spokesman in the football club.

“That in itself is a difficult situation. I got rolled out in front of the press and I had to answer all the questions. I answered them with all honesty.

“It was a learning curve, of course it was. I picked up a few scars during that five months but I learnt so much. I’m not that narrow-minded to think I was above everyone.

“It’s important you remember the good things but also the bad things, and make sure you don’t make those mistakes again. I admit that I made a few mistakes and some of my comments were wrong.

“It takes a big man to say that and I’ve done that.

“I will sit on the fence a little bit more in the future and not be so honest. I will be a spin doctor if I have to be, because I think you have to.

“But I’m not bitter, not at all. I understood the situation and I know what this game is about. You have to move on.

“I was bitter when I lost my job when Sir Bobby went and (Graeme) Souness came in, because I lost it in totally different circumstances.

“But I knew what the situation was last season, I put my head on the block. Obviously I wasn’t good enough, and I accept that. I want the club to be successful.

“It can sicken you, yes. But where I come from I’ve had to fight all of my life. I’ve got ambition, drive and belief. I believe in what I do. I have learnt lessons but that has not diluted my drive to be successful.

“I’ve got a point to prove. All of the good work which went before my five months in charge was forgotten a little bit. It was tough and I took a bit of a battering.

“Now I want to go out there and prove to myself that I can do a job.

“I’ve had a great break. I’ve been holidaying in North America and Canada and have done some television work in the Middle East. I’ve enjoyed it – it’s a lot easier than managing!

“I’m just waiting for the next challenge now and, when it comes around, I’ve got to make sure it’s the right one. It’s a big one for me. I won’t apply for something that does not give me a chance.

“I would go abroad again, I have done it before. If it feels right then I will do it.

“But I’ve had enough of being a caretaker – Leeds (United), Sheffield United and, really, I was at Newcastle.

“I want to do what I did at Toronto and build something. It might take a bit of time but I want the opportunity to go in and build a club from the grassroots up over.”

For further information about the Sir Bobby Robson Foundation visit www.sirbobbyrobsonfoundation.org.uk