From Cosmopolitan

Yes I'm a transgender woman, but it doesn’t mean the people I date actually respect or treat me like a woman. Maybe they fancy me, but they don’t always respect me, and treat me the way I should be treated. Here's what I wish people know about dating me and other trans girls.



Don't see me as a fetish or a novelty

A lot of men see me as a kind of fetish. I went on a date recently, and the guy said, "Ah, I've never dated a trans woman before".

He went on to say he'd been wondering how I'd tucked my "penis" away. When I told him I have a vagina, he replied, "Oh my god, no way."

Photo credit: Talulah-Eve

Don't assume all trans women have the same body (or personality)

I told that guy you can’t just assume all trans women have the same body. That’s like me assuming every man I date has a big chopper... trust me, in my experience, they don’t. You can’t just stereotype and make your own assumptions.

Because of the 'label' of being trans, people have this fixed idea of me. Not every trans woman is the same, and that’s what people need to realise. We’re definitely not all the same in personality either. Plus, being trans means different things to different people.

Don't treat me like a Google search

I go on dates with so many men that treat the date almost like some kind of information finder. They ask so many questions like, "So how did you do this?" You should be dating me as a person, not some kind of Google search about what trans is.

If you’re curious to find out about what trans women go through, do that research yourself.

Ask me normal date questions

On a date, I want to be treated as any other woman does. So talk about normal date things, and ask me questions like, "What are you into?" and "What food do you like?"

Understand sexuality and gender are two different things

One straight guy I dated said, "It’s funny I’ve met you because I have been questioning my sexuality a bit recently". I was like, "Woah, I'm going to stop you right there". People don't seem to understand sexuality and gender are two completely different things.

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Because you’re dating a trans girl, it does not affect your sexuality at all. I told him, "You’re attracted to me because I’m a woman. When you saw me, did you think, 'wow that’s a hot woman'? Exactly. You’re attracted to me as a woman, so you're still straight".

Respect my sexuality

People I know have said to me, "I've got this guy I want to introduce you to, he’s gay as well." And I’m like, "No, I’m a straight woman." So many people get this confused. It's really not that difficult to understand.

Dating me doesn't change your sexuality

Sadly, there’s still a lot of stigma around straight men dating trans women. A lot of straight men get a lot of opinions thrown at them about their sexuality because of it. But remember no, she’s a woman. Just because you’re dating a trans woman, it doesn’t make you any less of a man, or any less straight.

Photo credit: Talulah-Eve

Don't keep me a secret

Because of that stigma, people I date often feel they need to keep me a secret. And that’s disrespectful. I don’t blame straight men for having that mentality, because of the way society treats them. But, equally, I - and all trans women - deserve to be showed off, and with someone who's open about being in a relationship with me.

No one wants to be kept a secret. And why should we be? We’re proud of the journey we’ve made, so be proud to show us off.

Don't ever try to 'compliment' me by saying I "don't look trans"

So many people say, "I never could have guessed you were trans". Is that meant to be compliment? I’m not out to trick you, or anyone. It’s not a game. I’m just me. That's how I want to be seen.

See the beauty in my journey

I see there’s a real beauty behind a woman’s transition. After going through a lot, we’ve come out as beautiful butterflies. Appreciate our journey and courage.

Photo credit: Giphy

The fear of rejection is real

Rejection is something every human being can fear sometimes. I definitely put on this front that I don’t care, and will say, "I’m fine without you anyway." But I’ll go home and cry my eyes out. I just want to be accepted for who I am.

Being trans doesn't define me

Three years ago, the first thing I’d say if I was approached by a man was, "I'm trans." I was scared of what would happen if they found out later. But then, as time went on, I realised that being trans doesn’t define someone.

Now, I don’t always tell men I date straight away. I will tell them eventually, but I’d rather they get to know me for me, rather than make their assumptions. I'd rather they just got to know me as woman, first.

Talulah-Eve is a model, TV personality and influencer. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter.





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