Wanda Candolini hasn’t seen two of her grandchildren in years, and hasn’t even met her third.

Estranged from her two daughters and their kids, she says she continues to call and leave messages, hoping the situation will change.

She believes her daughters are “good and loving mothers . . . . But what I find, I don’t think they realize what harm they are doing.

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“I have an 11-year-old grandson and granddaughter, she’s 8, but they have a memory of me. This is the thing that gets most of us. They remember me, they remember spending the night at my place, then I was gone.”

Candolini attends support group meetings for others like her who have been alienated from their grandchildren, and said new legislation compelling Ontario courts to consider grandparents’ rights will help her generation.

Bill 34, which amends existing laws, was recently given royal assent after being reintroduced by NDP MPP Michael Mantha earlier in the fall. He said the new legislation brings Ontario in line with other provinces.

While it doesn’t automatically grant grandparents access, it does mean courts must consider them in custody cases, while also looking at what’s in the best interest of the child.

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“Courts now have to look at grandparents in a different light,” said Mantha (Algoma-Manitoulin) in an interview, adding he hopes the bill will encourage nurturing relationships between the generations.

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Advocacy groups estimate about 75,000 grandparents in Ontario have been estranged from their grandchildren and have been pushing for improvements to the laws for more than a decade.

During debate on the bill at Queen’s Park, Mantha thanked former MPPs Kim Craitor and Christine Elliott and current MPP Cheri DiNovo (Parkdale-High Park) for their work over the years on this issue.

He said a discussion within his own family prompted him to act. Then he heard from families around the province.

“Just the fact that grandparents had not seen their grandchildren for years, and what it meant to them,” said Mantha. ‘Their hearts are devastated; they are just devastated and broken inside.”

Often the estrangement begins with a marriage breakdown, a death, or even just a comment, Mantha said.

“Some people assume that these issues arise out of divorce, but this is not necessarily the case for most,” he said during debate on the bill. “Sometimes the root cause is found in sibling jealousy over money, over disputes, people innocently speaking out of turn, or sons and daughters exercising their control. Most often, it just occurs with seemingly no logic, no reason — and it’s happening.”

Candolini wonders what role her divorce played in her family’s fractured relations, though she has a strong bond with her two sons. She also moved from Nova Scotia back to Ontario — north of Milton — and thinks distance is also to blame.

“Both girls are good mothers, but on the path of understanding me and my role . . . I thought I got them through the worst of it as a single parent, and here I am, when I should be celebrating with my family around my table at Christmas.”

She said meeting other grandparents through the group Alienated Grandparents Anonymous made her realize she was far from alone.

“That’s what is so surprising,” she said. “You go around the room and people say, ‘I didn’t do anything. I don’t remember anything specific. But I was cut off.’ ”

For Candolini, going to court is not something she can afford and, besides, she doesn’t want to “fuel the fire.”

“We have to rebuild,” she said of relations with her daughters. “I don’t want them to become bitter because I know they are struggling. For me, I want education; I want them to understand that (estrangement) is not good, and not good for the children. I don’t think they are deliberately doing it.

“But I am happy for other people who want to go that route. The pain . . . to be at the alienated grandparents association — the amount of ache in the room is phenomenal. It’s like a grieving group. You feel the pain.”