Sigh, it has come to this.

I didn’t want to have to admit this, but I am successfully on the path of failing in my life for some time, unless I make some drastic changes to my personality.

And what do I think is the change that needs to be made?

I need to stop excusing myself whenever the mood strikes me.

What is causing all this turmoil?

My exam results, which I treat as benchmarks for my academic performance, have all been released, with the release of my second exam that I completed in January. In that exam, I achieved a mere 28% out of 100.

And what is so drastic about this?

I acknowledge that I completely deserved this, and I don’t feel any remorse, because should I be granted the ability to go back, I will continue to undermine my academic abilities.

Scene 1: Second Year, Semester One

The first semester of my second year of University has easily been my most unsuccessful one to date, and it is one that showcased my capacity for laziness and non-discipline to such an extent that in retrospect continued to surprise me.

With work 3 days a week, and University 3 days a week, I assumed that I would somehow managed to balance all of my responsibilities, and indeed I could’ve, had I disciplined myself better.

But of course, I always had an excuse to not complete academic work.

I’m too tired! I’ll do it tomorrow … Work is preventing me from doing anything

Sure, working in McDonald’s is physically and mentally draining, and my excuse had an element of truth to it, but that did not mean that I could not do anything.

Even on days off, when the only physical stress experienced by my body was a self-induced weight load inside a controlled gymnasium, I would always excuse any attempt to study.

Scene 2: Second Year, End of Semester One, Holidays

With University closing in mid-December ushered in weeks of respite that were intended for both relaxation and preparation for exams in January.

What did yours truly do?

He took two weeks off and did nothing.

With my Business Manager knowing that I was on holiday from Uni, I was scheduled for more shifts, so I worked for four days a week, instead of three. If I couldn’t get any damn thing done with three day workweeks, what hope did I have to get them done in four day workweeks?

So nothing happened. I attended some revision sessions with my friends at University after work, but it always seemed my presence led to these sessions converting themselves into chat shows, and nothing would get done.

Yet I felt nothing, not even a twinch that I could potentially fail my exams unless I prepare for them.

So the exams came, and I completed them with no care for my performance through them, and of course I individually had my benchmarks returned in the form of marks, and I accept them as a sign that I did not prepare, thus I did not do well.

Hyyyyyyyyy …. I need to stop excusing myself whenever the mood strikes me.