So why do it then?

“We’ve worn rings forever, and I definitely didn’t need it in any way. It actually is kind of out of character for me.”

It’s an old-fashioned thing to do, in some ways.

“The reason that people get married sometimes can be old-fashioned, but I think the reason we got married isn’t old-fashioned—I actually think it’s kind of New Age. We’re redefining, to be fucking frank, what it looks like for someone that’s a queer person like myself to be in a hetero relationship. A big part of my pride and my identity is being a queer person. What I preach is: People fall in love with people, not gender, not looks, not whatever. What I’m in love with exists on almost a spiritual level. It has nothing to do with sexuality. Relationships and partnerships in a new generation—I don’t think they have so much to do with sexuality or gender. Sex is actually a small part, and gender is a very small, almost irrelevant part of relationships.”

It’s sounded at times like what you were looking for, in fact, was a kind of stability, or a fixed point.

“Yeah. Without feeling like you’re putting a Band-Aid on a bad situation and saying, ‘Oh well, you know, now everything will be better.’ Because a lot of people use marriage I think maybe for a cure. But like my favorite woman in the world, Hillary Clinton, says: We’re stronger together. That’ll make me get emotional. That’s what she meant by it. Like, who gives a fuck if he’s a guy, if I’m a girl, or if he was a woman—who gives a fuck? We really are stronger together. One is the loneliest number.”

Being someone who takes such pride in individuality and freedom, and being a proud member of the LGBTQ+ community, I’ve been inspired by redefining again what a relationship in this generation looks like. Sexuality and gender identity are completely separate from partnership. I wore a dress on my wedding day because I felt like it, I straightened my hair because I felt like it, but that doesn’t make me become some instantly “polite hetero lady.” (PS: Straight women are badass, too.) My relationship is very special to me, it is my home. I feel less misplaced when we are in the same room, no matter where that is, but just because something changes in my relationship doesn’t mean something has to drastically change in my individuality. What Liam and I went through together changed us. I’m not sure without losing Malibu, we would’ve been ready to take this step or ever even gotten married, who can say? But the timing felt right and I go with my heart. No one is promised the next day, or the next, so I try to be “in the now” as much as possible. If I ever find myself thinking too far ahead, I acknowledge that anxiety and bring myself back into my body and out of my head. Something that helps me, when life is moving so fast that it’s hard to keep up with, is writing. Not just songs, but streams of consciousness. I let myself babble, and in all that junk sometimes there is treasure! Pretty much what I’m doing now. All the things we have ever learned or experienced are just stored away in the back of our mind. It’s important to daydream, to let the thoughts and memories travel in and out, and learn to recognize them. Not only their truth, but their lies. When I write out these thoughts, it’s nice to have a point of reference to see why I acted on certain choices or went down certain paths. It’s all just a way to handle, manage, and process experience. The way I feel can be so drastic moment to moment, perspective is everything. Time and place. Here and now. In a second everything can change. It can be scary when you’re not the one in the driver seat—inevitably sometimes we lose control. The key for me staying healthy and happy is by being the pilot and not a backseat driver. Thinking for myself. Sometimes that gets chalked up to an “I don’t give a fuck” attitude, but that isn’t my narrative. I do give a fuck. A lot of them, actually. Sometimes too many. I’m free and fluid with my speech, so by being this honest, I contradict myself sometimes, but like I said in that moment, that is my fullest truth. I live in acceptance of others and hope everyone gets to feel the freedom that I live in! People like myself have a hard time comprehending a middle ground, I thrive on extremes, but I am learning to live in that sometimes uncomfortable and itchy in-between. I want to live a long life full of love, music, and adventure. I believe balance will get me there. Balance and moderation. Which sometimes is like a foreign language to me. But I am practicing. In that practice will come mistakes but it’ll shape me and I can’t wait to see who it makes me into. Like Bowie said, I promise it won’t be boring. How could it be? Life is like binge-watching a favorite show. What comes next? Can’t sleep until we find out . . .