Self-described Christian prophet Cindy Jacobs has a habit of lying to her audiences. Like the time she helped a woman grow three inches instantaneously, and the time she turned metal into bone (literally), and the time she blamed the death of blackbirds on the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, and the time she commanded the clouds to move during a photo shoot because she had “authority over the weather.”

Looks like she can also increase the amount in her bank account with her mind.

She appeared with her husband Mike Jacobs on today’s episode of The Jim Bakker Show and urged him to tell a story about how their bank account grew. Mike Jacobs seemed reluctant to say anything — because why would anyone be stupid enough to brag about how their ministry’s bank account is larger than even they thought it was? — but quickly caved and told the story around the 15:25 mark.

CINDY JACOBS: … The money just grew. Yeah, and so it’s true, and so tell them what happened to us. We had some money that we’d been given… MIKE JACOBS: That’s really embarrassing… CINDY JACOBS: Well, it’s not embarrassing! It’s a great thing! MIKE JACOBS: Well, when we go to Asia, a lot of times, the banking system and stuff… they can’t wire money easily, so they give you cash, you know? So you end up carrying this money back and I am very careful to count when it comes to money. We have all kinds of procedures. I count it with somebody. We always have two people. CINDY JACOBS: Checks and balances. MIKE JACOBS: So I counted it and then I told them what it was gonna be, and then they counted it. They take it to the bank, and they run it through the machine, and they’re going, “I’m sorry. There’s $5,000 more here than you said.” No, that can’t be. Because for one thing, Mike counted it, and he’s just ridiculous about counting. And then, secondly, we both counted it, and we know what we gave you. And so count it again. They run it through the machine again. CINDY JACOBS: — So Mike says count it again. That can’t be possible. — MIKE JACOBS: They run it through the machine again. “I’m sorry. It came out to the same amount.” Do it again. Third time, they run it through the machine. They said, “Look, you’re gonna just have to take this.” $5,000 for the deposit. You just have to take it. What do you tell them? Like, what would you do with it? CINDY JACOBS: — Finally, they said, “Will you just take the money?! It’s there!” Yeah! — LORI BAKKER: But that’s how God does… CINDY JACOBS: Yeah! Isn’t that amazing?! LORI BAKKER: Yes!

Well, there you have it. Never give money to televangelists because money just appears in their account even when they’re not even expecting it. (It’s a luxury poor Christians never seem to have…) A counting error on one end or the other is simply out of the question. Why the banker couldn’t count the money in front of them, without a machine, is never explained.

It’s almost anti-climactic to point out that Cindy Jacobs, around the 28:28 mark, talks about how she also had advanced knowledge of the 9/11 attacks.

But I remember even before 9/11 that we had intercessors… at Trinity Church which is really near Ground Zero there. They were praying and praying and they called me the night before 9/11, and they said, “Cindy, we see huge demonic beings wrapping the World Trade Center… wrapping it in chains.”

She added that the intercessors told her it was “too big” and they couldn’t stop it. And then Cindy Jacobs never said anything to anybody about this.

Even if she was telling the truth, what good are these supernatural predictions if they don’t have any practical use?!

(Thanks to Kyle for the link)

