If we know anything about Sarah Silverman it's that she loves abortions. This is most clearly evidenced by the fact she's responsible for the best termination-related montage we're likely to witness during our lifetime. SS, fully aware of the War on Women, decided to sneak in a quick one in case someone pulls the plug on Roe vs. Wade — and she posted the results for our viewing pleasure. "Got a quickie aborsh in case R v W gets overturned," she wrote underneath her handiwork. She may have only aborted a burrito, that only intensifies my love for this woman. [WhoSay]



Like every sane person, Beyonce has a crush on Michelle Obama, and decided to pen an open letter to her online. "Michelle is the ultimate example of a truly strong African American woman. She is a caring mother, she's a loving wife, while at the same time, she is the First Lady!!!!" she wrote. "Michelle, thank you so much for every single thing that u do for us — I am proud to have my daughter grow up in a world where she has people like you, to look up to." Co-sign. [Us]

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I don't see how you can have a "flirtatious meal" unless you're into sploshing, but NYDN said former flames Ashley Olsen and Jared Leto were doing just that at the Polo Lounge in Beverly Hills. While we've all hooked up with an ex in our time of need the first few months out of the gate, enough time has passed that we can look at Olsen with a disappointed shake of the head. She also put her head on his lap during the meal – anything goes at the Polo Lounge, apparently. [NYDN]


Most of us are used to getting blind drunk and making poor life decisions for free, but Pauly D has invited us behind the scenes of the weird and wonderful world that is Jersey Shore by revealing he'll be getting paid $150,000 per episode next season. That's it, let's quit our jobs, grab some plum champagne and sit in a hot tub in the backyard of a reality show producer. [E!]


Getting kind of pissy that the hosts kept asking about her love life, Rihanna abruptly ended an interview with Australian morning show Sunrise. But not before telling off the general public for their interest in her tumultuous personal life. "They're interested in a lot of things — a lot of things that don't matter," she said. "Or shouldn't." [Page Six]