Chicago, IL – As he mindlessly delayed another pop-up begging him to restart, email marketing manager Dan Choi once again denied his Asus laptop the sweet release of upgrading its operating system for a record 1,547th consecutive day. Choi, who has no idea why it takes his computer roughly 20 minutes just to open Gmail on an incredibly outdated version of Internet Explorer, has repeatedly told his IT department that he doesn’t have want to waste time installing updates that he thinks “probably cause more bugs than they fix.”

Because of Choi’s unwillingness to restart, as well as the fact that he routinely uses his laptop as a seat booster in meetings in order to look taller, the five year-old Asus has become a legend among Helpdesk employees.

“Dan might have the last computer in existence that’s still running Windows XP,” said Helpdesk technician Jose Flores. “Normally I’d be kinda irritated about having to support a one-off piece of equipment, but Dan doesn’t even bug us when he has problems. One time he thought it was running hot so he put it in the freezer over Thanksgiving break.

“When we came back, the fridge had to be replaced, but his laptop was still running.”

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