Houston, TX- Massive flooding this week left at least two dead and millions homeless as the administration scrambles to deploy thoughts and prayers to local governments in coordination with FEMA and other disaster relief agencies. “We’re just trying to get the thoughts and prayers out as quickly as possible”, a spokesperson for the administration said, “and if we can get the public to have an equally dedicated campaign to collect Facebook likes for these victims, we can really mitigate the worst of this.”









FEMA director Adam Brown told reporters earlier today that “retweeting victims’ posts really helps, please do that as much as possible. This is a serious issue that we can’t just swipe left.” Reports from the agency had indicated earlier today that upvoting could have some impact, but reacting on Facebook with a “wow” or, even better, the “angry face” would most likely be what turns the tide in effective response to this region.

“If you want to do literally everything you can to help the victims in Texas, you should like this article, then share this article, then like the one you shared and then comment so that your friends get engaged and then they start tagging people and everyone talks about how much it sucks and everyone posts pictures”, said President Obama. “Then go relax to your favorite show and have a beer. You’ve earned it.”

Story update: Victims are now saying they have received too many thoughts and prayers and will have to send some back. Houston has miraculously repaired all damage and now has a surplus of prayers while also lowering the deficit of thoughts..















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