FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT

Days after being impressively snubbed by the devastated residents of the smoking ruin of the town of Cobargo, Scotty from Marketing is heading back to try again.



“It was too much, too soon. They weren’t ready for the commitment of a handshake. I’m going to try for a high-five and just work my way up from there. Or maybe a fist bump. After that I’ll try the handshake again. All I need is some decent footage of a handshake, I don’t think I’ll have to move onto a cuddle or anything. High fives are great, aren’t they?”.

But he may be out of luck. Cobargo residents are battening down the hatches to avoid contact with the PM after the debacle that was his previous trip.

3rd generation Cobargo local Betty Arnolds said she would not be sharing a handshake or even a high five with the PM.

“Goodness gracious no. I would rather not be anywhere near the man. If he comes back I’m going to gaffer-tape my arms to my sides because I’ve seen him on the television grabbing people to steal their handshakes and it’s just not on. And as for this nonsense about having a cuddle; he must be mad! Although if he gets close enough I wouldn’t mind trying to give him a Liverpool Kiss”.

“He’s not getting a handshake out of me” said farmer Darcy Stone, who has lost thousands of dollars of machinery and livestock to the fires.

“And he’s got Buckley’s of getting a high five either. Although I am pretty keen to high-five his face”.