DEAR DEIDRE: I WORK in a pub and the other night I had sex there after hours – on the bar. I kind of regret it but part of me so wants to do it again.

I’m a 24-year-old woman and I’ve lived with my partner for nearly three years. He’s 26 and I love him a lot, but he always works late. He’s so tired when he’s finally home that he doesn’t want sex, and just wants to crash out in bed.

2 I feel so dirty after having sex on the bar top Credit: Rex Features

I’ve worked in this pub for two years. It’s a sociable job and that suits me down to the ground. The guy I had sex with is one of the regulars.

He’s not there all evening, he just comes for a couple of pints at the end of the night, then he helps collect glasses and chats while I tidy the bar. He’s 51 but he’s really looked after himself.

I fancied him loads from the first time I saw him but I knew he was married with four grown-up sons. One night I was tidying up on my own. Both the barman and landlord had got away early and left all the clearing to me.

There was so much to do but thank goodness my regular guy helped me out. I locked the front doors and offered him “afters” by way of a thank you. He started to flirt and he made me feel sexy and witty and fun — all the things I don’t usually feel.

2 My guy is always too tired to have sex so I resorted to cheating on him Credit: Getty - Contributor

I knew what he wanted and I was so up for it too. Having sex on the bar was exciting but hard on the body so we didn’t go on for too long. When it was over I felt really dirty and like I’d done wrong.

What makes it worse is that one of his sons is a mate and he works at the pub, making food. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m falling in love with that guy but I think he just wants me for sex.

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DEIDRE SAYS: I think so too. This man is a player who, I’m afraid, offers nothing more to you. Tell him you’re not going to do that again. You’re a warm, loving, sociable girl who needs love and attention, like everyone else.

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You’re not getting the love you deserve from your partner at home and so that needs to change. Tell him that either he changes his hours or his job or you’ll make changes for him and make a new life for yourself.

You’re lonely and vulnerable now and you know that you’ve made a mistake. Don’t sell yourself short. It’s your life so ask yourself what you want to achieve. A change of career could perhaps help you gain self-esteem.

My e-leaflet Standing Up For Yourself can help you consider yourself and speak up for your needs.

Get in touch with Deidre today Got a problem? Send an email to problems@deardeidre.org. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter @deardeidre.