Neighbour

He walked past me and stood in front of Kouenji-kun. It seems they were talking about something in low voices. I didn’t hear what they were saying though. I saw him leaving the classroom, seeing his back I felt something I couldn’t express inside me. Before I noticed, I was standing up from my seat and followed after him. Ayanokouji-kun was walking further down the corridor. His walking pace wasn’t especially fast, but it felt like I would never reach it no matter what. Rushing it, I grabbed his hand without thinking. I didn’t have confidence my words alone could stop him somehow. He turned around. His pupils had no colour. But he was someone who didn’t show his emotions at all, black nor white. During the span of one year beside him, I couldn’t see anything.

«Ayanokouji-kun. You… since when and how much did you know?»

So I asked him. What I wanted to know. What I needed to know. He didn’t seem to worry, nor did he change his facial expressions when he answered.

«Haven’t I said it before? I haven’t participated in this special exam in the literal sense».

No matter how much I knocked on his door, the knock coming back was the same as always. That’s why I have been distancing myself slightly from him lately. Since I feared getting closer to him.

«… But…».

I don’t know.

I can’t see the person behind Ayanokouji Kiyotaka-kun.

«I’ll leave then».

After his reply, I didn’t manage to hold him there any further. I could only watch him going farther away.

I felt I managed to grow up a bit during this exam. But in the end, I couldn’t grab his existence itself.

«By the way».

I heard a voice coming from behind me which surprised me before I turned around.

It was my classmate Karuizawa-san.

«…What is it?».

«Nothing. I was just wondering what you were talking about».

«Not much. It seems he isn’t trusting me, that’s all».

«Hmm…»

She then looked at Ayanokouji-kun once just like I did moments earlier.

«It seems like he is trusting you, far more than me».

«What makes you say so?».

Of course I didn’t have any proof.

But, I somehow knew it from seeing Karuizawa’s eyes.

«Since it looks like you are trusting him, perhaps? I can’t seem to trust him no matter what though».

That was the only answer I could come up with. I wonder what she would say after hearing that.

«You cannot trust someone who isn’t trusting you, right?»

«!…»

I flinched from the unexpected, yet precise and obvious words directed at me.

«If I really start to trust him… One day I feel I will witness something scary. I feel like I will be betrayed».

«Ah is that so? I can’t understand since I no longer have anything to fear anymore».

Karuizawa didn’t seem scared at all.

«I thought you were really amazing yesterday. You got a bit of my respect, seeing you take the initiative for the class. But Kiyotaka is a different matter altogether. If you are that scared, your relationship with him will never begin».

Karuizawa answered before returning back and joining her friends.

Her word would remain deep in my heart forever. Together with the existence of an invisible neighbour.