I am 24, and have always been self-conscious of how I looked “down there”. Not enough to put me off having sex and I never had complaints, but it was always in the back of my mind that my labia were on the larger side. I’d previously had cosmetic surgery on my ears, which went well, and figured that labiaplasty could also boost my confidence.

So, two months ago, I underwent surgery, telling only one friend. I travelled to and from the hospital on my own and told my boss that I was on holiday. Straight away, I knew something wasn’t right. Instead of a reduction, it was clear that my labia had been completely removed. That first week was the worst of my life. I cried several times a day, and even considered suicide. The enormity of my decision sunk in – I could hardly walk and even sitting down was a struggle. I couldn’t face telling my friend: acknowledging what had happened out loud just felt too much.

My life in sex: the woman who cries during sex Read more

My research told me there’s about a 95% satisfaction rate with this procedure, so why did it have to be mine that went wrong? It hasn’t affected my libido, but after the op I did feel I’d lost some of my femininity. Now, the thought of having sex terrifies me; seeing the pity in someone’s eyes when I tell them I did this to myself.

I was casually dating before, but that seems out of the question. I’ve never had a serious relationship and now I feel like I never will. If only I could turn back time.

• Each week, a reader tells us about their sex life. Want to share yours? Email sex@theguardian.com

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