Scissors, cleaning products, vicious older siblings, inadequate supervision: Your no-gun policy ignores so many other possible dangers, and most are far more common than gun accidents. Still, if you want to stick with firearms as your threshold, go with: “I’m sure the guns are stored safely. I just can’t get comfortable with my son in the same house. Can your daughter come to our place instead?”

Image Credit... Christoph Niemann

Sisters?

I’m a lesbian and have been dating my girlfriend for three years. We rarely go a week without someone exclaiming: “Are you two sisters? Twins?” Objectively, we are of similar height and hair color, but beyond that, we really don’t look alike. I find this frustrating. It doesn’t happen to heterosexual couples we know. How can I make people think twice before asking this? Who wants to feel like they’re dating a sibling?

S.M.

Actually, I get a fair number of letters from straight couples who are taken for siblings, and from siblings who are taken for lovers. (Everyone hates it!) I think people intuit the closeness, then project a story onto it. Personally, I like that you and your girlfriend are shining love for each other out into the world. But I get that you don’t like the question.

And you make a fair point: Speculating about strangers’ relationships, and requiring them to illuminate us, is overstepping. These folks mean well, so I’d probably steer clear of my dad’s response to impertinent questions: “Writing a book?” So, how about a bit of elusiveness and sass: “Identical sisters of Sappho, actually.” Then walk off briskly. Snap!

My Son, My Self

My son (28) and I are not as close as I’d like us to be. I attribute this to my being too critical of him over the years. I have great relationships with my daughters, who were always more mature than their older brother, so I don’t think I’m the whole problem. But as the adult, I should have seen that he needed to be handled in a more positive way. A few years ago, I backed off criticizing him, and that’s helped. But I still feel distance between us. Any ideas?