Kripal with his wife, Honsu Bai, who was earlier his sister-in-law. (TOI photo)

BEHANGA (Mandla): Among the Gonds of Madhya Pradesh's Mandla district, it's almost impossible to find a widow. According to their tradition, if a woman's husband dies, she is married to the next bachelor in the family - even if that is her grandson.

If no male is willing or available, the woman is then offered specially designed silver bangles called 'pato' by elders of the community on the tenth day of her husband's death. Thereafter, she is considered married and lives in the house of the woman who offered her the the bangle. Patiram Warkhade's grandfather died when he was just six. On the ninth day of his death, Patiram was married off to his grandmother, Chamri Bai, under the tradition of 'naati (grandson) pato'. "Later, we participated in all religious ceremonies as husband and wife. When I grew up, I married the girl of my choice because the community allows minors married under this system to remarry as adults," says 42-year-old Patiram, who lives in Behanga village. However, his wife had to be content with the status of his 'second wife' till his grandmother died five years ago.

Usually, there's no physicality in this kind of relationship because of the considerable age gap between the spouses. But even if the two get intimate, the community does not disapprove or intervene.

Sundaro Bai Kurwati, 75, was married off under the tradition of 'devar pato' to her husband's brother, Sampat, who is now 65. "My husband died two years after our wedding. The community elders refused to eat at his shraddh because my brother-in-law was initially reluctant to marry me. It was only after he agreed that the elders ate. We have been happily married for decades now," Sundaro says.

Kripal Singh Warkhade (55) says he married his sister-in-law, Honsu Bai, who is five years elder to him. "It's our tradition. Why should she remain a widow?" Kripal says.

Despite the pressure, a handful of women refuse to remarry. Like Bhagwati Warkhade, a 28-year-old and mother of two, whose husband died two years ago."Though I didn't want to remarry, I was given the status of a married woman under 'panch pato' tradition. The 'panchs' (village elders) have the power to do so," Bhagwati says.

The Gonds uphold this practice even after moving out of their native village. "It's alive even among the educated youth of our community. In a city like Bhopal, there are at least two engineers working with Bharat Heavy Electricals Limited who have married under devar pato," tribal leader Gulzar Singh Markam tells TOI .

"It is so common in our culture that despite the fact that the marriage is only symbolic in case of 'naati pato', villagers playfully tease the child when they see him playing with the grandmother," Gulzar says.

He may call it symbolic, but after 'nati pato', the grandson is considered head of the family.

