Sexuality is a fully natural and authentic way to engage both with our own bodies and the body of others. Sexual experiences provide opportunities to be fully present with partners or with yourself in a way that is often difficult or impossible elsewhere.

Personally, I found that traditional missionary penis-in-vagina (PIV) sex gets boring quickly. When orgasm is the goal and the people involved are only interested in some temporary relief from arousal, you run the risk of sex becoming more like a chore than a pleasure, and I personally am more prone to disassociate, disconnect, and have wandering thoughts when that is the case.

Energy play provides a way to amplify the sensations you experience with your partner(s) so the focus is on the connection and the flow of energy instead of facilitating a temporary peak of pleasure. It makes the whole experience enjoyable and encourages bonding on an upgraded, elevated level that thins the boundary between bodies, energies, and intentions.

Containers and Consent

The first step in forming a satisfying connection with other people, at least in my experience, is having a meta-level consent conversation first. This should include a discussion of what hopes, expectations, and fears each person has about the experience along with a list of what each person will and won’t do.

Once the bounds of the interaction are set, consider what it is you want to get out of the experience. What emotion do you want to leave the experience with? Do you want to be the actor or the acted upon? What dynamic do you want present with your partner(s)? What story do you want to tell with your bodies?

Though talking through these details ahead of time might seem clunky, these conversations are frequently filled with excited, anticipatory energy such that they become part of the experience. It is also a good practice in patience to explore whether you feel comfortable approaching your partner in this way. If you do not feel comfortable with your partner, it will often be more difficult to establish an authentic physical, emotional, and spiritual connection.

Whole-body Light Touch Massage

Once you are comfortable with your partner(s), an easy way to open with energy play is for one person to perform some light whole-body touch. I like to imagine that I am rinsing my partner’s skin with my touch, making sure I don’t miss any area so that the entire surface area of my partner’s skin is active and awake. This whole-body touch allows for the sensations of the body to unite and blend together as forgotten, tight, or stressed parts of the body come together in presence and peace.

The whole-body touch need not be sexual. In fact, I find the experience more enjoyable as a receiver when the touch is more platonic, even when my erogenous zones are engaged with. When you treat the erogenous zones the same as any other part of the body, it promotes all-over physical awareness and increases the sensuality of all other touch.

This would also be a good time to make a touch request of your partner. Is there touch that you have been craving or need to feel nourished? Using your voice and expressing your desires will frequently deepen the level of connection you have with your partner(s), but make sure you would be all right with your partner(s) saying “no” if they are uncomfortable with your request.

Partner Meditation

Another great way to get in the right head space for energy play with a partner is to meditate beforehand. You can use guided meditations (here’s a link to some of our favorites!) to center yourselves or you could take turns leading the other person through a grounding meditation that you come up with on your own.

If you are anxious to engage with your partner(s), even a breath or two together will help you set a sacred, ritualistic tone to your sexual experience and encourage you to stay in rhythm with each other throughout.

Sensual Breathwork

So much of our bodies’ sensitivity comes back to the breath. Playing with either inhaling at the same time as your partner or inhaling while your partner exhales can induce a heady connective state that becomes more intense as your passionate experience continues.

Another way to play with the breath during a sensual experience is to experiment with exaggerating your breathing so your abdomen moves against another body. How does the sensation of your breath feel against another person’s skin? How does this increase their sensitivity to further touch?

Gently blowing air across targeted areas of your partner’s body can also amplify sensitivity to touch.

Toning or Chanting

The nerve systems responsible for sexual pleasure and the nerves that move through your throat are very related such that expressing yourself audibly during a sensual encounter can increase pleasure and deepen the experience.

Allow the sounds to flow out of you authentically without concern for how they sound or whether they are coherent. Consider the sounds you make one half of a song or chant that your partner(s) can then add to.

Humming against a partner’s skin can also amp up sensitivity and increase the body’s responsiveness. Which notes or sounds does your partner’s body respond the most potently to?

Energy Play and Admiring the Body

You might be surprised about how much engaging in these practices create a well of appreciation for the other bodies present in your encounters. When you approach another person with intention, presence, and curiosity as though you are experiencing them for the first time, you reconnect and reinvigorate the sexual experiences you and your partner(s) are capable of.

Interested in tools to help with this practice? Check out our conscious toys for pleasure play!