I am the very model of a modern muddled Admiral,

I’ve information nautical, specifical and general,

I know the polls political, and weather patterns seasonal

But have some trouble navigating waters Indonesianal;

I’m very well acquainted too with queries from the media,

My answers would be better than the best of Wikipedia,

But somewhere twixt my press release and stories so sensational,

Everything gets covered up with matters operational.



I’m very good at shifting blame and demonising boat people

I know a dozen different ways of bamboozilising most sheeple,

In short in matters nautical but not so navigational,

I am the very model of a modern muddled Admiral.



I know our mythic history, the yellow peril and the policy,

Of keeping all the nice things for the white folk as a courtesy,

To white folk who are just a little frightened of the heresy,

Of sharing all their nice things instead of guarding them so jealously.

I can tell a queue jumper, from foreigners legitimate

But have a little trouble with my compass and the intimate

Way those Indonesianals pack a fellow into it ...

When they pack a fellow into a facility correctional

Just because a fellow has no facility directional!

That I should be imprisoned now seems a damned effrontery

Worse than this bowl of grasshoppers the guard just put in front of me

In short in matters nautical and consequence ironical

I am the very model of a modern muddled Admiral.