Lola ran her fingers through Duchess’ soft white fur, trying to calm the racing of her heart.

“This could be it.” She whispered softly to the purring cat in her arms.

But which ‘it’ did she mean? The one that would make her heart soar with happiness, or the one that would shatter it into pieces? Lola realized with a jolt that it could be either.

Phoenix hadn’t given any indication of what kind of conversation this would be. Simply that he “had to talk to her”. And, given the timeframe, Lola felt certain it had something to do with the results of the paternity test.

Lola bent down to let Duchess back onto the floor, a wave of unease suddenly flowing through her stomach. She still had no idea how to feel about the news of Gigi’s infidelity.

Part of her almost felt angry and hurt on Phoenix’s behalf, though she knew how strangely hypocritical that line of thinking was. She was also sad and anxious about the sudden complication it had added to an already difficult situation.

And yet another part of her was strangely relieved. She felt vindicated, somehow. Lola would be lying if she said that knowing Gigi had cheated did not help to ease some of the guilt she’d been carrying around with her. She’d always grown up believing that two wrongs didn’t make a right… But there were exceptions to every rule, wasn’t there?

Lola tried her best to shake that thought from her mind. What had gotten into her lately? What had Phoenix done to her? She wasn’t even twenty years old yet. She was supposed to be having fun with her friends. Pampering her precious kitty. Working hard on her YouTube channel. Enjoying her time at college.

Not falling in love with an older, married man.

Yet here she was.

And there was no easy way to go from here.

The knocking at her apartment door suddenly called her back to reality. Lola took a deep breath as she watched the door swing open.

The moment she saw his face, she knew.

But she silently beckoned for him to sit with her anyway, the whole time praying she would be wrong.

“Hi, Lola. I missed you.” Phoenix’s voice was deep and gentle as he spoke. His thick German accent had faded so much since the afternoon she’d first met him. It was incredible how much things could change in such a short amount of time. In more ways than one.

“I missed you too.” Despite everything, she smiled. It was hard not to when she was with him.

Phoenix returned the gesture, and her heart skipped a beat at the sight. “I missed Duchess too… Where is her royal highness anyway?” He teased as his eyes darted around the floor for a moment or two.

Lola shrugged. “I guess she decided to give us some privacy.”

He chuckled softly. “I wish she’d learned to do that sooner…”

Instead of joining in his laughter, Lola felt her heart sink when she realized what he was talking about. At the time, it had been so funny when Duchess would sneak into her bedroom and try to interrupt their lovemaking.

But thinking back on those moments now was so confusing and painful. Being with Phoenix had felt so wrong… And yet so right too. She savored and longed for those moments again just as much as she regretted them.

“Phoenix… Just say it.” She replied at last, her voice serious.

“Say what?”

“Whatever it is you came here to say. Just… tell me why you’re here. Because I’m pretty sure it wasn’t to make jokes about Duchess.”

A soft sigh passed his lips. “It wasn’t.” He confessed. “I… I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. About me and Gigi. And you and me.”

It felt like her heart had stopped beating. “And?”

Phoenix hesitated. “Lola, you’re amazing. You always make me laugh. You push me to try new things.” Despite the smile on his face, Lola saw the slight glistening of tears in his eyes as he spoke. “You make me happier than I’ve felt in a long time. You’re beautiful and smart and funny…”

Lola felt her heart breaking more and more with each word. “But you’re choosing her.” She finished the thought for him, trying to ignore the painful tightening in the back of her throat. “You’re picking her over me.”

“Lola, she’s my wife.” He whispered.

“She cheated on you!” Lola’s reply was louder than she’d intended. “She makes you miserable!”

Phoenix’s voice was pained. “And she could say exactly the same thing about me.”

“All the more reason not to stay with her!” Lola cried. “Think about what you’re saying!”‘

All her earlier thoughts of guilt or reason had been completely abandoned. None of that mattered anymore. What mattered was that she was losing him, just as she feared. And there was no way she could let him go without a fight.

“It’s not that simple.” He replied weakly. “I have to give her another chance. I can’t just give up without trying.”

Lola shook her head. “You’ve been trying for months already, haven’t you? Phoenix, I can’t even count the number of times you’ve told me she wouldn’t listen. It was killing you.”

“It was.” He agreed. “But… things are different now.”

She closed her eyes for a moment, trying everything in her power to wish it all away. But it was no use. There was nothing she could do. “The baby’s yours, isn’t it?” Lola’s eyes fluttered open as she spoke.

Phoenix nodded slowly. “It is.”

“You’re sure?”

He nodded again. “Gigi was waiting for me with the results when I got home a few days ago.” Phoenix explained. “She said she read them again and again before I got home, just to be sure. And then we both read them together like a hundred times.” His voice shook slightly. “They said it’s a girl. She’s perfectly healthy. And I’m her father.”

Lola felt her already-broken heart shatter into a million more pieces. There was no way she could talk him out of it now. Not if the baby was really his.

“So that’s the real reason.” She replied at last. “It’s because of the baby.”

“It’s not the only reason.” Phoenix insisted. “But… it’s probably the biggest one.” He confessed. “I just can’t do it. I can’t leave her. Not now.”

“I knew you’d say that.” Lola shook her head. “Even though it’s probably the worst thing you’ve ever said to me, I knew you would.”

How could she expect anything less from the sweetest and most foolish man she’d ever met? Of course he’d do what he thought was right. Even if it would hurt himself. And her. Even if it turned out to be the biggest mistake he’d ever make.

Phoenix almost smiled. “Of course you knew. You know me better than almost anybody, Lola. You…” Without warning, his voice broke. Lola watched as he held his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking slightly with each sob.

The sight was enough to cause her own tears to finally fall.

“I’m sorry.” Phoenix gasped out through his tears as he finally raised his gaze to meet hers again. “I wish you knew how sorry I am. For everything. This isn’t fair to you. But I don’t have a choice.”

“You do have a choice. And I guess you’ve made it.” Lola’s voice was cold. Her heartbreak had already begun to give way to anger. “So what happens now? What are you gonna do?” She feared she already knew the answer.

“Once finals are over, we’re going back to Germany.” He replied softly. “We’ve gotta go back and be with our families now. BBU can transfer my credits back to my old school. I can finish my degree back home.”

Lola was silent as she allowed the implication behind his words to wash over her. Finals were in just two weeks. Then he’d be gone. A whole ocean away with his wife and his baby. I’ll probably never see him again.

But maybe that was for the best.

When she said nothing, Phoenix broke the silence once more. “I’m sorry.” He repeated. “I never wanted to hurt you. Never. I just… We never should have done this. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Yeah, me neither.” How had she fooled herself into believing this would lead to some sort of happy ending? Of course he’d pick his pregnant wife over me. I never stood a chance… Lola had let herself become a home wrecker. And for what? Nothing but heartbreak. “This was a mistake.”

“It was.” He agreed sadly. “But Lola, I just really need you to know that…” Phoenix seemed to be struggling to find the right words. “That no matter how fucked up this whole thing got, it was real for me.”

“Real?”

He nodded. “This wasn’t just for fun. It wasn’t a fling. It was… real. Even if it was wrong. It was real.”

Lola felt her tears beginning to fall once more. She couldn’t help it. “Yeah… It was real for me too.”

They both sat together for a minute or two after that. Neither of them said a word.

At last, Phoenix rose to his feet. “I guess I should go… I’m sorry, Lola.” He apologized for what felt like the thousandth time, as though it would somehow make the pain hurt less. “And…” Phoenix seemed to be struggling once more. “And before I go, I just want you to know that I lo–”

“Don’t say it.” Lola cut him off harshly. There was no way she’d be able to stand it. Hearing those words would simply break her even more. “Don’t. Just go.”

“Okay.” His voice was a whisper as he finally turned away.

She watched him stand by the door for a long time, not looking back at her, but not moving forward either. Just standing there. It was like he wanted to turn around again. Like there was something more he wanted to say.

In that moment, Lola would have given anything to know what he was thinking. But she couldn’t.

Because before she could work up the courage to ask, he was gone.