These college football win total bets are courtesy of Bovada. Bovada! - nurturing addiction and fomenting divorce since 1978! A proud member of the Mohawk Nation!

Follow my lead. You will pay off your mortgage and send your children to play field hockey at Bryn Mawr. At minimum, you will be able to purchase a Wave Runner and a time share in Pensacola. /Sooner readers perk up.

These are 2012 REGULAR SEASON win totals. Championship games and bowl games don't count. Weighted payouts. A +105 means if you bet $100 you can win $105. A -135 means a $100 bet wins you $74.07. Capisce? So don't just look at the win total, balance risk vs payout.

2012 Regular Season Win Total - Alabama Crimson Tide

Over 10½ (+105)

Under 10½ (-135)

via cdn0.sbnation.com

TIDE GONNA WIN TWELVE, PAAWWWWWWWLL. No, they're not. The team from 2011 no longer exists. When Saban turns over his defensive back 7, there's a year of adjustment. They give up plays in the passing game, they bust coverages, and indestructible Alabama loses a couple. They're luring you with the upside payout on the over, but don't fall for it. Bet under or not at all.

2012 Regular Season Win Total - Texas Longhorns

Over 9 (EVEN)

Under 9 (-130)

This number used to be 8.5. I was all over that number. 9 is interesting. 9 makes a man pause and think. Makes that man put a blade of grass in his mouth. Makes that man say,"Fiddlesticks." Makes a man write spare, yet folksy, third person prose. The books piss on the under bet though and if Texas hits 9 wins, you push. Be bold. Bet that over. Gently.

2012 Regular Season Win Total - Oklahoma Sooners

Under 10 (EVEN)

Over 10 (-130)

I see no angle yet. If Sooner OL losses mount beyond their current perilous status, get that Under bet in quickly.

2012 Regular Season Win Total - Boise State Broncos

Over 9½ (-140)

Under 9½ (+110)

I explained in another feature on Teams That Will Decline in 2012 that Boise can be substantially weaker, but still win 10 games. But look at the shabby payout on the over. They can potentially drop games @ Michigan St, BYU, @ Southern Miss, @ Hawaii, or @ Nevada. The Boise State team we knew no longer exists. This is a trap. Stay away. I understand your counterarguments. I acknowledge them. You're looking at that fishing line hooked to a claymore, but I know where the puji sticks are buried.

The man in the black pajamas, a worthy fucking adversary.

2012 Regular Season Win Total - Kansas State Wildcats

Under 7½ (-155)

Over 7½ (+125)

That sound is Nickel Rover backing up the Brinks truck. They won't match 2011's 10 wins, but essentially you're handicapping whether they can go 5-4 in conference. Only Saruman Snyder could devise a situation in which a Texas fan who wants to be the over is almost guaranteed that a 7-4 KSU teams faces Texas in the last game of the season.

2012 Regular Season Win Total - Texas A&M Aggies

Over 7 (-110)

Under 7 (-120)

They're shaving the payout in either direction and sticking it to Aggie optimists and SEC jock-riders alike.

2012 Regular Season Win Total - Oklahoma State Cowboys

Under 8½ (-150)

Over 8½ (+120)

Rather brilliant handicapping. Exploit the masses who remember a 12-1 team that's ranked in every 2012 preseason poll (as high as #12 in a couple, WTF) by setting an enticing 8.5 Wins number with a $100 winning $120 payout ("OMG, I'm stealing money"), but then stick it to the Cowboy skeptics who want to exploit the bubble with -150 on the Under. You're good Bovada. Too good. Realistic OSU upside is 8-4, nonetheless.

2012 Regular Season Win Total - Penn State Nittany Lions

Over 5½ (+120)

Under 5½ (-150)

via cdn0.sbnation.com

This is a bank safe hanging over a $5 bill. Don't pick it up. PSU is doomed, but they can win six games. I'm serious. The bottom of the Big 10 is that bad. Either don't bet it or bet the over. You're not listening to me, are you? Have it your way.

2012 Regular Season Win Total - TCU Horned Frogs

Over 8½ (+130)

Under 8½ (-160)

O rly? So TCU goes at least 6-3 in conference to win this bet? In-ta-rest-in'. Very in-ta-rest-in'. What do we think about this, degenerates? They sure do piss on that under payout.

2012 Regular Season Win Total - Washington State Cougars

Under 5½ (-150)

Over 5½ (+120)

via cdn3.sbnation.com

Pulling for Mike Leach is fun, but 6 Ws is wholly irrational given Wazzou's horrific talent level. If there's a just college football god, he will propel this team to 7-5 on flimflammery and fumblerooskis. Make it so, Crom.

2012 Regular Season Win Total - Arkansas Razorbacks

Over 8½ (-145)

Under 8½ (+115)

via cdn1.sbnation.com

You get a nice little payout on the Razorbacks tanking. However, if they play near their pre-Petrino potential, you're hosed. There is no play on the upside, I'll say that much.

Finally, I was irritated not to see the Utah Utes listed. They'll be taken lightly early. As long as their QB is healthy, they're my surprise Top 25 team.