Due to a lack of NHS funding, the new Doctor Who has been forced to go private which means she will start charging a small fee each time she saves humanity.

The Doctor’s adventures were previously funded by the National Health Service but due to further cutbacks that arrangement will come to an end around Christmas this year.



‘I hate to have to charge for the service but the Tardis needs a paint job, the sonic screwdriver needs repairs and I need bras now. And have you seen the price of them? Outrageous,’ said The Doctor.

Some now fear that, to save money, humanity won’t enlist The Doctor’s help until it’s too late. Have-a-go heroes may instead choose to try fighting Daleks themselves rather than pay The Doctor’s fee.

‘That’s exactly what we want,’ said Chancellor Philip Hammond. ‘People to start taking action themselves so we don’t have to overpay public servants like The Doctor. I’m not even convinced a woman can do that job anyway.’