Tuesday, April 19, 2016



Some numbskulls still get the name wrong.

Donald Trump, the man set to be the next US president because Hilary Clinton just doesn't seem nice enough, led an emotional ceremony of remembrance to those affected by the 7-11 attacks.

Trump remembered that he had been literally feet away when two maniacs crashed into the slurpee machine at the convenience store near the World Trade Center, leading to an explosion which caused $2996 of damage.

"It’s very close to my heart because I was down there, and I watched our police and our firemen down at 7/11, down at the World Trade Center right after it came down, and I saw the greatest people I’ve ever seen in action,” Trump told the crowd.

Trump tearfully held up his shopping list from that day, which read:

7-Select Burritos

Maple Pancake Sausage Rollers

Loaded Doritos

Buffalo Chicken Rollers

Go-Go Taquitos

The sight of the so-called Ground Zero sends a shiver down the spine.

He then recounted his memory of events, while clearly in a state of emotional distress: "I remember seeing this red woman coming towards me, and I thought - I was in shock - I thought - 'Why is her face all red?' And then it hit me, she was covered, just covered, in wild cherry slurpee."

The attack, committed by the Algae Eater terrorist group, which had sworn to rid the world of processed foods, still haunts Trump who said: "When I'm alone, I sometimes hear this thumping sound from that day. Back then I remember thinking, 'Jesus Christ, is that people jumping from the top of the 7-11 to their deaths?' before I noticed it was the sound made by large packs of hotdog wieners hitting the floor.

"On bad nights, I can still see wieners when I close my eyes."





