The power cuts of parliament: Baldness is in vogue

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In focusing only on women politicians' fashion choices, we've completely overlooked the new trend in men's hairstyling taking Canberra by storm, writes Ben Pobjie. So what's behind the latest 'it' 'do for Australia's political go-getters?

We're used to seeing the ladies we elect lauded for their style consciousness; just this week The Times in the UK brought us an urgent bulletin from the fashion frontier regarding the political bob, or "pob", that is helping powerful women around the world get the job done and look fabulous while doing it.

But what about the men? In all the focus on political females and their hair choices, maybe we neglect the hard work that our elected blokes are putting in to break new ground in the style stakes.

Well, not any more! There's a new trend sweeping the corridors of power, and it's got political groupies and tonsorial trend watchers alike all atwitter: our leaders are dressing their craniums differently these days, with the emphasis on skin.

Yes, scandalous as it might seem, more and more politicians are baring all up top. In a trend possibly inspired by the dashing former US vice-president Dick Cheney, bald and brassy is the preference for today's political go-getter.

Attorney-General George Brandis is the flag bearer for the new wave of shiny-domed MPs, showing off his adventurous streak with an audacious 'do, the fringe swept back, and then back some more, and further back to cling cutely to the occipital bone.

Baldness: the tonsure of the future

It's a style that has found favour with Brandis's colleagues, including Arthur 'Naughty Boy' Sinodinos, who likes to show the public just how saucy he can get with the follicular parentheses peeking coquettishly out from behind his ears. Slick, smooth, with a sassy suggestion of bocconcini ball, this is definitely the tonsure of the future.

Other government tastemakers like to put an individual spin on the hot new power cut. Like Eric Abetz, who wears his sparsely sexy locks up, shaped into a pair of devilish horns that neatly frame the glistening expanse of his scalp, while also sending the message: "Hey, don't mess with this feisty fellow!"

Then there's Peter Dutton, the buccaneer of border security, who's gone for what top stylists call "the halo", a look inspired by his favourite Renaissance painting, of a monk with someone holding up a stoat behind his head.

And let's not forget the big cheese himself, Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull. For decades the PM kept faith in his safe, reliable, Ray Martin-meets-Blinky Bill coiffure, but recently he's been taking a walk on the wild side, pushing his hairline ever further back 'til heads started to turn at the eye-catching sight: the highest office in the land now occupied by an equally high forehead.

What's the reason for the recent flood of bare bonces in our parliament? Is it just the boys sick of the girls getting all the attention?

It's all about exposure, time saving

Hairdresser to the powerful Nikolai Spurtstein* says it's all about exposure: "When the hair is pushed to the back of the head, it allows the TV cameras to capture the entire politician: the face, the head, the skin, the little spots on the skin, the glare of the studio lights reflecting off the skin," Nikolai says.

"It's a hairdo that allows an MP to get his message out to the people without the distraction of long fringes or sideburns. Plus, it's low maintenance: it lets a politician save time on his grooming regime and still look great."

Not to mention the versatility factor — a bald pate goes with just about everything, from slinky evening wear to a casual beach ensemble, and it also allows for a variety of headwear without risking that most dreaded of fashion don'ts: hat hair!

It might seem like the new breed of flesh-capped lawmakers have come upon us all of a sudden, thundering down the political fast lane like so many newly-polished bowling balls. But they're not the first to take the country by storm by recognising that when it comes to the head, smooth is sexy.

Less is more

John Howard surfed a tide of anti-hair sentiment to electoral triumph in 1996, when the Australian public, fatigued by decades of dull, repetitive hair-flaunters, leapt at the chance to put a man with the stylistic courage to go chromando in the big chair.

It's no wonder so many of his successors have realised the fundamental truth: you can't win voters' hearts unless you wow them with eye candy first.

But what of those who say there's too much focus on these politicians' looks, and not enough on their policies? Just because a man steps out of Parliament House sporting the latest in deforested summit, is it right that we waste time on aesthetic commentary that could be better spent inquiring into matters of sound governance?

But this view ignores the true nature of the political game. Frankly, image matters, and if these people are going to represent us, we have every right to expect them to present themselves in an attractive way.

And thankfully, the current crop seems ready to fulfil those expectations in the most creative way possible: with an array of round, shapely, perfectly sculpted skulls that are shining on the nation and putting Canberra, finally, on the map as a serious centre of world fashion.

*Not a real person.

Topics: comedy-humour, popular-culture, offbeat, parliament, fashion, australia