ST. PETERSBURG, FL—Members of the New York Yankees reportedly failed to experience even the slightest tinge of emotion Monday while hugging teammate Alex Rodriguez, who returned to the lineup following a six-week layoff with a fractured hand. "You'd think after four years of playing together, traveling to away games, and hanging out in the clubhouse, I would at least have some feelings, either positive or negative, when embracing the guy," said Yankees outfielder Nick Swisher, explaining that the stiff, two-second embrace left him with a "cold, uncomfortable numbness." "I didn't feel happy, I didn't feel sad, I didn't feel anything at all. Just complete emptiness. It was like putting my arms around a lamppost." Sources later confirmed that, despite the complete and utter indifference felt by every Yankee who greeted Rodriguez, the team did take some joy in watching the 14-time All-Star strike out during their 4-3 loss to the Tampa Bay Rays.

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