*Author's Note: Please excuse the lateness of this update, and I hope you accept this long chapter as penance for the delay. Musical inspiration takes the form of "Satellite Heart" by Anya Marina. Thank you so much for all the reviews, favorites and follows! I have really enjoyed reading your thoughts and responses to my posts.

P.S. Good news: if you're missing Ben as much as I am, stay tuned for the upcoming chapters.

P.P.S. Bad news: I will be traveling over the next few days, so there is a strong possibility Chapter 6 will be uploaded in about 10 days time. Thanks for your patience!

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this story. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 5: The Precipice

Do I dare

Disturb the universe?

In a minute there is time

For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.

T.S. Eliot

Rey gingerly raised herself into a standing position, her equilibrium sluggish after such a violent severance from the Force. She massaged the space where tailbone met spine in an effort to ease the stinging sensation pulsing there.

Refusing to meet Finn's eyes, she ducked her head and continued rubbing her lower back. "Right then, so talk."

"No." His voice carried loudly, causing the low-pitch murmurs of nearby wildlife to cease. "I think it's time that you talk. No more secrets. No more hiding in the jungle. I want the truth."

Rey huffed a sigh. "Finn, not all of it is my truth to tell."

"There's no one else alive to tell it," he retorted, mulish. She jerked inadvertently at the response.

Rey felt the comment like a serrated blade to an already hemorrhaging wound. She looked away, into the dense foliage spattered silver in the moonlight, unable to focus on anything in particular. The corners of her eyes smarted, threatening the release of tears she had no interest in losing while standing before Finn. Fine, she thought bitterly, might as well get this over with and be done with it. She twitched her nose and sharply sniffed.

"You only knew him as the creature in the mask. And I understand that."

She glanced at him, meeting his eyes, before looking away once more. It was much more difficult to discuss this having felt through the Force his knee-jerk reaction of disgust to her earlier outburst. To see something so precious to her through a lens of repulsion made her feel awkward, discomfited. Nevertheless, she pressed on, determined to finally release the truth, dignity be damned.

"I do understand. You probably saw countless crimes Kylo Ren committed. But," she paused, pressing her lips together to keep her voice from wobbling over the next words. "Ben Solo is not Kylo Ren. And though it hardly seems true, Ben was there, behind that mask, buried so deep no one could see. Until the Force connected us… Until the very end."

Her voice broke as she spoke the last sentence aloud, as memories of her final moments with Ben flooded her mind. His toothy grin, the grip of his arms around her, his weight against her arms as his body slumped to the ground. Rey instinctively covered her mouth with the palm side of her fist.

Finn studied her, his expression inscrutable. At her silence, he scrubbed a hand against the back of his head, thinking. And after a pause, he swiveled about to look for a proper resting place. He spied a fallen log through the gloom and gestured awkwardly to the makeshift bench before taking a seat. Rey followed a few paces behind but remained standing.

Gazing up at her, he shifted forward to rest his forearms on the tops of his knees, his fingers interlaced before him. "Okay," he said. "Maybe you could start by explaining the Force connection with… him."

And so she did. She spent what seemed like hours parsing the details of her bond with then-Kylo Ren. She recalled the first of her connections with him, how she had attempted to shoot him on sight, refusing to engage in any conversation with someone she regarded as so abhorrent. She described the confusion she felt during the second instance they spoke face to face, how his tortured acceptance of being branded a monster was perhaps the genesis of her certainty that Ben Solo could, in fact, be exhumed from the guise of Kylo Ren.

From that point forward, she explained how she had ironically begun to treat him as more human than before. She became at least somewhat more amenable to conversing with the man behind the mask. She told Finn how, during their third encounter, she had learned of the critical mistake Luke Skywalker had made in his confrontation with Ben those many years ago. How Ben, thinking his uncle meant to murder him in his sleep, had wrought destruction on that temple and fled to the Dark side.

Rey noted the surprise on Finn's face as she relayed Ben's version of events to him. She could empathize with him, as she remembered feeling that same sense of disillusionment from hearing the story. Later on, she had felt an even greater sense of regret for Ben when Master Skywalker had confirmed his worlds-changing moment of misguided morality. In part, she believed it had been his lack of longsuffering and unconditional love that had propelled Ben Solo down the path to becoming Kylo Ren. Rey thought it had probably been a very lonely, agonizing path to tread.

She went on to tell Finn of how, when they connected a fourth time, Rey regarded Kylo Ren as more of a sad, desperate boy than a cold-blooded killer. Although she never for a moment fooled herself into believing that he could not be both, the brokenness of his spirit had spoken to her on a level unlike anything she had felt before. They were alike in many ways, spending much of their lives devoid of love and mercy. When at last they touched hands, she felt in her very spirit the gravity of their connection. She figured it was perhaps the first time in years that someone had touched Ben Solo, physically or emotionally, in a compassionate way. Such a hollow face, she remembered thinking. So lonely. Like me.

Although she had once before told Finn of her boarding the First Order's flagship and Snoke's subsequent assassination at the hands of Kylo Ren, it was an abridged version that had overlooked more significant moments. This time Rey recounted the entire episode that had taken place aboard the Supremacy. She explained that Ren had fought alongside her against the Praetorian Guards, how he had pleaded with her to join him and bring a new regime to power. She even admitted her longing to take his hand in that moment, knowing full well that Ben Solo still lived somewhere deep inside.

Finn made no move to speak while she continued pouring out confession after confession. He listened intently to her tell of the continued Force connections with Kylo Ren, once when they were on Pasaana and another during their brief moments aboard the Supremacy as the trio attempted to escape Kijimi and rescue Chewie. He was mute as she described how Kylo Ren had told her he would convince her to take his hand, how he had tried to coerce her by explaining their union through the Force, their "dyad" as he had described to Rey.

Finn did not interrupt her even as she recounted what she believed to have been her final moments with the man, how they had shared an embrace, how he had disappeared in what Rey had called "becoming one with the Force." And he watched as Rey spoke with joy about her recent visits through the Force with Kylo Ren, how she had grown accustomed to seeing him most nights. He noted her fear and confusion as she admitted to him that she feared something was terribly wrong since Kylo Ren had altogether disappeared the last time they had met. In truth, his heart ached for Rey, for the turmoil she had been through.

Rey could sense Finn's shifting emotions as her stories came to a close, her voice hoarse and cracked from speaking for so long. By the time she had finished pouring out her soul to him, the jungle expanse had taken on more definite shapes in the the gray light of early morning. Somewhere off in the distance, they could hear Ledevian creatures begin to stir.

Sitting cross-legged before Finn, who had remained seated on the log all this time, she waited for his response. Judging from the Force glimmers she picked up from him, she could tell some change had occurred in his thinking. It gave her hope that her confession might, in fact, result in a changed perspective.

Finally, Finn moved. He crouched to the ground, eyes level with hers as he took her hand and held it gently in his. As he opened his mouth. A beat of silence.

Then, "We are taking you home. Back with us."

BEEP BEEP BRRRP

BEEP BEEP BRRRP

Poe jerked awake to the sound of his communicator blaring in his ear. He did not remember falling back to sleep after Finn left, but the drool on his chin was evidence enough that he'd been unconscious for some period of time.

He reached haphazardly for the device and peered blearily at its message, blinking repeatedly in an effort to clear the sleep from his eyes. It was a report from headquarters.

OUTLYING STORMTROOPER UNIT ATTACKING DANTOOINE BASE. CIVILIAN CASUALTIES GROWING. REPORT BACK TO HQ.

Poe sat up, ramrod straight, once his mind put together the words on the screen. The rest of the report listed the details headquarters had gathered about the attack so far.

In an instant, he shrugged on his jacket and began lacing his boots. He needed to leave. Immediately. Rey's Force drama would have to wait.

And if Finn was not back by the time he had finished readying the Falcon, Poe was prepared to leave them both here.

Rey immediately jerked her hand from his grip. That was not what she was expecting Finn to say. "What?"

"I mean it. It was a mistake to leave you here alone all this time. You've been unprotected," he paused, pursing his lips. "Vulnerable. And it is not going to continue, not when Ren is after you."

She scoffed, lurching forward to push herself up to her feet. "Finn. He's not 'after' me. He loves me."

It was Finn's turn to scoff. "Come on, Rey. Can you really be this naive?" He joined her in standing, his arms crossed defensively.

"Can you really be this blindly unyielding?" Rey retorted.

"Oh, I'm the one who's blind? You're claiming love for a man who DESTROYED the lives of countless people, myself included."

"You can't reduce him to only being a monster just because it is convenient to think no other way. The crimes he committed were horrendous, absolutely, but so were the wrongs his family committed against him," she argued.

"Oh, what, so we're just supposed to forgive him for everything all because he had a sad childhood?" His voice grew steadily louder. "Plenty of people have messed up lives and they don't murder half the galaxy because of it!" The surrounding jungle grew quiet at his shout.

Rey threw her hands in air, exasperated. "Of course I'm not saying that! What I'm saying is that at some point, mercy should be shown to someone who realizes their mistakes or else the cycle of hate just continues!"

Finn glared at Rey for a moment, obviously irate. "I will never forgive a person who murders innocents for sport. I will not do it, and the fact that you're even spouting this nonsense proves that you are not yourself right now."

Rey took a step backward, tensing her body in preparation to leave. "I am myself, as I have always been. I have had three years to think on this," she said quietly, but with steel in her tone. "Things are not as black and white as you may choose to see them." She turned and began striding away.

Finn stomped after her, refusing to acquiesce. "You don't get to just walk away from this, Rey! I'm not going to allow Kylo Ren to destroy all that is good in you!"

Rey continued to clamber her way out of the jungle, refusing to entertain his misplaced protectionism for a moment longer. It infuriated her that, in his warped conception of her bond with Ben, Finn had robbed her of any agency or self-determination. She was not some starry-eyed idiot unable to tell the difference between right and wrong. Quite the opposite, really.

After all the fighting and the subsequent time to herself, Rey just could not see how separating the universe of action and inaction into only two categories could cultivate peace, or mercy. She felt that people - their thoughts and actions - well, they were much more complex than the labels so often given to them. Right and Wrong, Light and Dark. Rey had had enough of considering things in such confined terms. She would not go back to doing so just to appease Finn.

"Go home, Finn," she said sternly, calling back to him over her shoulder.

"I am not leaving you alone. Not like this," he replied from several paces behind her.

Rey bit her tongue to keep herself from screaming obscenities at him. There were many she thought about using; she had picked up plenty of colorful insults during her life on Jakku. Instead, she quickened her pace, trying to distance herself from him.

After a few moments, she noticed the density of the surrounding foliage was waning. They were only a short distance away from the temple. Behind her, she could her Finn crashing through the undergrowth in an effort to keep up.

She did not wait for him.

As she broke through the trees into the clearing where the temple stood, she spied Poe loading their supplies on the Millennium Falcon, which was situated a short distance away. BB-8 was wheeling about the undercarriage, performing what appeared to be several pre-take off scans.

Good, Rey thought. At least someone in this trio respects personal space.

Poe barely acknowledged her presence as she neared the Falcon, glancing at her for a moment before continuing to haul his cot and some perishables up the boarding ramp. Rey assumed his reticence was a holdover from last night's confession.

"You're leaving?" she called up to Poe. She waited a few moments, but no response came apart from the sounds of cargo being shuffled inside.

Finn had finally caught up with her, panting slightly as he took in the scene before him.

"Poe, what's going on?" he asked.

Poe jogged down the ramp and moved to gather more supplies. "We're leaving. There's been an assault on Dantooine. Some remnants of a stormtrooper platoon attacked our base there."

"What?" Rey asked, incredulous. "I thought you told me months ago that our forces had cleared out all the holdover regiments from the First Order."

"Yeah, well, looks like we were wrong," Poe replied bitterly. He looked to Finn. "Come on, we need to get back to headquarters. People are expecting us there now."

Finn shook his head. "We can't leave without Rey. She's not safe here by herself."

Rey whipped her head around to glare at Finn. She puffed up, ready to resume their shouting match from earlier, when Poe held up his hands to stop both of them.

"Listen," he said tersely. "If Rey wants to stay here in these ruins and talk to ghosts, then I'm not stopping her. This is a battle for another day, and we need to focus on the innocents being slaughtered on Dantooine right now as we speak." His gaze darted between both of them, daring them to argue. When they remained silent, he continued.

"Rey, we are coming back as soon as we deal with this attack. Finn is right in that you shouldn't be out here alone anymore." He turned to Finn, glaring. "We are not leaving her alone. BB-8 is going to stay behind and keep an eye on things until we return." He then addressed both of them.

"Deal, you two?"

Rey nodded mutely, her physical and emotional exhaustion beginning to catch up with her. Finn grunted a response that seemed like acceptance. Satisfied, Poe resumed his packing with Finn's help while Rey scaled the steps to the temple's entrance.

Finn and Poe left later that afternoon, BB-8 and Rey standing in the clearing to watch them take off. When at last they disappeared from view, she turned and knelt before the little droid. It wiggled and emitted a few quiet beeps.

"To be honest, I'm glad you're staying with me," she confessed, fiddling with its antenna. "I've missed you an awful lot."

BB-8's head swiveled around to peer up at her. It let out a few more beeps, which Rey took to mean it felt the same way. She gave a small smile.

"Come on, let's get back inside."

Throughout the next few weeks, Rey's routine once again assumed a different momentum. She continued to rebuild the temple with the help of BB-8, who sped up the process quite dramatically. The droid was adept at analyzing the integrity of the building as well as the pieces Rey either recovered or crafted to restore the rooms and foundation. Between BB-8's analysis and her use of the Force to piece the temple back together, Rey figured she would be ready to house and train students within the next fortnight.

She told Finn and Poe as much in her communications with them using the messaging device in her room. From their reports, efforts to completely stamp out the stormtrooper regiment on Dantooine was taking longer than they expected. Their return had already been postponed three times.

With BB-8 beside her, Rey did not mind their delays - especially Finn's. Having company, even in the form of a non-verbal droid, was much appreciated. Its tinkering and happy beeps filled her days with more levity, and it also distracted her from spiraling into fear for Ben.

When she was not working on the temple, Rey secluded herself in the jungle to continue meditating in the Force. She attempted over and over again to locate Ben, or any former Jedi who would answer her questions about what had happened. She was met with no success. Each time that same adamant barrier slammed against her Force connection when she attempted to harness more energy than she could reliably control.

One evening after yet another failed attempt, Rey slammed both fists onto the ground. The earth shook around her, and she blinked in surprise as she felt its tremble. In her anger, she had not realized she had been using Force energy to hit the jungle floor.

The small voice inside her warned that her behavior of late was teetering dangerously toward the Dark. While part of her was growing increasingly concerned with the ease to which she accessed emotions more closely associated with that side of the Force, Rey remained obstinate in her search for Ben. She refused to let him go, not when they had been so close at last.

And if that means that love and anger are what fuel me? Well, she thought, my intentions are good. That should be what matters.

Distracted by her internal thought process, Rey mechanically made her way through the jungle back to the temple. The twilight hours of evening colored everything on Ledeve in purple and pinkish tones. It was not until she reached the bottom step of the temple stairs that she noticed the figures standing at the top.

Their profiles flickered in the evening light, the bluish tones glowing slightly. They were almost corporeal, but through their transparency she could see to the rest of the temple entrance. BB-8 was behind them, its little body transfixed on the Force ghosts before it.

Masters Luke and Leia.

Rey's jaw slackened as she registered their presence.

"Rey," Luke said, peering down at her. "What are you doing?"