Tursiops Sapiens

Suzanna Krane, prolific writer and granddaughter of Andrew Krane, the founder of the Metagenetics Corporation

Written 2186 AD in "A Brief History of Uplifting", on the 100th anniversary of Andrew Krane's original thesis.

Dolphins were mankind’s second attempt at uplifting a non-human species, and our first major success. Tursiops were extremely receptive to genetic augmentation, and the shape of the dolphin skull made surgical adaptations to produce human speech simple. Added to that of course is that the dolphins were naturally a little intelligent.

I remember the first time I met one - it was shortly before the official announcement. My grandfather took our family to the Metagenetics research facility (as did many other staff members) to meet Hilly, the first sapient non-human.

Hilly seemed like any smart, giggly six-year-old girl, but she had gray skin, flippers and was only one year old. Being at similar levels of mental maturity, we immediately became best friends. Metagenetics researchers actively encouraged this interaction, and frequently permitted us long hours to talk and play while they studied us. I have covered this experience extensively in my other book, “The Little Gray Mermaid,” available for download from most online bookstores.

Unfortunately, we matured differently and drifted apart. While humans grow out of their “play” phase when they reach adolescence, dolphins don’t seem to go through this, and retain play well into adulthood. This is one of many differences that made it difficult to integrate Tursiops Sapiens into human society. Besides the obvious fact they live in water, they show no interest in work and prefer to keep to themselves.

It’s strange isn’t it that a species so well embedded in our civilization and culture would be so hard to integrate? In truth, cetacea have not been the source of our dairy products for very long. If you go back just 150 years, our dairy products derived mostly from a now-extinct bovine species “Bos Taurus.” For those who skipped their history lessons in school: these four-legged land mammals were kept in enclosures on pastures and ate grass. “Cattle” were responsible for a large fraction of the greenhouse gas emissions leading up to the 21st century climate change, which is what forced us to switch to domesticated whales and dolphins as an alternative. As a bonus, this switch also saved many whale species from over-hunting and extinction.

It was twenty years between Hilly’s introduction to the world and Tursiops Sapiens becoming recognized as a fully sapient species with human-equivalent rights. Personally, I believe the trigger was Hilly’s son Jonathan attaining a top-percentile score on his chemistry final. Although he was a genius, Jonathan was not representative of the average Tursiops. He was merely a statistical fluke. Regardless, the media whipped up a real storm around the story. Optimists say that the senators who had previously been dragging their feet over the subject of the rights of non-human sapients now realized they had been wrong about non-human intelligence along. I, along with many cynics, note that the debate in congress was mainly focused on whether dolphins showed any interest in politics, and whether they can be humanely killed. That is, the conservative elements of government feared their new dolphin overlords!

The reality was quite different. Once the dolphins were freed, they promptly disappeared into the seas, never to return to human civilization. Not a single one has been seen coming into the voluntary milking docks that many other cetaceans are very happy to use. “So long and thanks for all the fish.”

Tursiops Sapiens can still sometimes be observed if you go out into the sea alone. Reportedly, they love individual humans, but groups of two or more people make them feel uneasy.