Let’s follow the 2nd Amendment and sort this out.

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Honestly, this is pretty straight forward. If I ever had any respect for Justice Scalia it evaporated after his torturous and grammatically seduced Heller decision.

The amendment’s preamble has no force because it’s an absolute phrase, and “such constructions are grammatically independent of the rest of the sentence.

Scalia used grammar to justify the slaughter of Americans.

There isn’t a writer alive who would accept any of the pretzel-parsed logic of his decision. Just plain nonsense.

Let’s break down the actual words. Right off the bat this Amendment is irrelevant because of this often over-looked phrase — being necessary to the security of the free state.

With an annual military budget eating up 54% of our dwindling resources, with a standing Army of over a million soldiers, with a military force ten times the size of the next strongest military force, with nuclear weapons and stealth planes and satellites and rockets and navies and super-sonic death jets lugging smart bombs and blowing up sheep herders from 30,000 feet, I don’t think the 2nd Amendment is necessary anymore.

Done.

But just in case the NRA hasn’t sold enough guns yet, let’s look at another part of this example of poor 18th century copywriting.

A well-regulated militia.

But let’s flip the page and look at the second part of Scalia’s decison — the part willfully ignored, and ironically the part where he is percfectly clear as to his meaning.

2) Like most rights, the Second Amendment right is not unlimited. It is not a right to keep and carry any weapon whatsoever in any manner whatsoever and for whatever purpose: For example, concealed weapons prohibitions have been upheld under the Amendment or state analogues. The Court’s opinion should not be taken to cast doubt on longstanding prohibitions on the possession of firearms by felons and the mentally ill, or laws forbidding the carrying of firearms in sensitive places such as schools and government buildings, or laws imposing conditions and qualifications on the commercial sale of arms. Miller’s holding that the sorts of weapons protected are those “in common use at the time” finds support in the historical tradition of prohibiting the carrying of dangerous and unusual weapons.

Whoops.

Here’s my proposal of some regulations for this infamous well-regulated militia. Now I’m not a well-regulated militia regulations writer, so these will need to be tidied up no doubt.

Everybody in the militia needs to own a specific type of gun. I mean you need to make decisions. You can’t have everybody in the militia owning any type of gun they want. What kind of militia is that? Not a well-regulated one. So the militia makes its choice and everybody buys one. Simple. You can only own a gun if you’re in a militia. This is a no-brainer. Look the whole POINT of the 2nd Amendment is people need guns to form a militia. It’s right there. Without belonging to a militia what possible reason could you have for owning a gun? Common sense. The militia needs to register itself, its regulations, and its armory. This should be the fun part. You can come up with really cool names like the Shadow Warriors Militia. How cool is that? If you come up with a super-cool one you can copyright it and sell t-shirts. Militia merch could be a big deal. Bigger than guns. Congress shall create an approved armory inventory for militias. As a nation we need to make sure we don’t have duplications. We don’t need the Montana Prairie Patriots to have nuclear weapons. The government has enough of those. Same with things like jet planes and flame throwers. I mean if there’s duplications what’s the idea behind us needing militias at all? We might as well not have militias. Here’s an idea. Cross-bows. I bet the Army doesn’t have enough of those. Militias shall conduct annual drills in front of US Military officers and be ready for surprise inspections at all times. This will make it more fun. Like in all those war movies where NCOs bust the balls of recruits and make you crawl through mud and stuff. Look, if you’re going to be a militia, be a real militia, not a sit around the rec room drinking beer and watching Steven Segal movies type of militia. You have be ready to defend the free state!

Okay, that should get us started. Any other suggestions please send them to your local Congressman. Let’s get regulated!