‘The EU need us more than we need them’ insists country now begging them for Naval assistance

On the brink of its self-imposed exile from the European Union, Britain is today begging its neighbours for maritime protection in the Gulf.

Following the seizure of the Stena Impero by the Iranian Revolutionary Guard last Friday, Foreign Secretary Jeremy Hunt has asked Germany and France for their assistance in ensuring the safe return of the British cargo ship.

Addressing reporters on the morning that his failure to become Prime Minister will be announced, he said, “Britain is a proud, capable nation and does not need Europe in any way at all.

“Apart from those occasions when we do need help from our allies, like today.

“We are a plucky nation of seafarers, who once ruled a quarter of the world, and we shall have our empire back one day. Just as soon as Germany and France have kindly lent us a bit of a hand getting out of this mess in the Gulf and helped us secure freedom of navigation in the Strait of Hormuz.”

EU spokesperson Simone Williams responded, “Hang on, I thought we were unelected officials that we basically treating you like slaves? But now you want our help?

“Make your bloody mind up, mate.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!