Sexsomnia: It sounds absurd but growing numbers of men claim to suffer from a syndrome that makes them try to have sex while asleep - can it be genuine?



Things tend to start with a gentle brushing of her leg then, within seconds, his hands are everywhere. It’s at this point Anita Sayer surfaces from her sleep with a groan.



‘Not again,’ she thinks, as she pushes her persistent husband forcefully to the other side of the bed. This scenario can happen up to three times a night leaving Anita feeling both annoyed and exhausted.



When she later tells her husband Dan about his fumbling in the dark, his response is always the same: a blank look. Ever since the pair moved in together, Dan has been groping her in the middle of the night.

Sexomniac: 'People make jokes about it but it's something that bothers me,' says Dan Sayer, 24, pictured here with wife Anita, 29

Pretty normal behaviour, you might think, for a young couple who have been married only a year. Except Dan has no recollection of his night-time antics and is incredulous and rather disturbed when Anita tells him of them. Dan has been diagnosed as suffering from sexsomnia, a recognised condition, which causes him to fondle Anita and even have full sex while he is asleep, yet have no memory of it when he wakes.

‘People make jokes about it, but it’s something that bothers me,’ says Dan, 24, a sales executive from Walderslade, Kent. ‘I wake up and look at Anita and I can immediately tell from the look on her face I’ve done it again. But I honestly don’t remember any of it and I don’t like the fact that I am upsetting her, yet can’t control it.’



WHO KNEW?

Men account for three-quarters of sexsomniacs, according to research







His sexsomnia episodes happen every couple of weeks or so, sometimes a few nights on the trot. ‘I usually rouse from sleep just in time, pretty surprised to find what I’m doing, although if Anita’s happy, then we might continue,’ explains Dan.



There’s no pattern to it, no obvious reason why it should occur on one night as against another. At first, Anita, 29, also a sales executive, even enjoyed the extra attention. But as time went on, it started to concern her.



Anita believes there has been at least one occasion when they’ve had full sex while Dan has been fast asleep. At the time he appeared to be fully awake, but when he insisted the next morning he couldn’t remember anything, she realised he must have been unconscious.

‘He even had the cheek to say that it must have been me that instigated it,’ she says. ‘It’s annoying sometimes, especially when I know I’ve got a busy day at work and have to get up early, in which case I’ll either shake him awake or keep pushing him until he moves to the other side of the bed.’

In Britain, it's believed about four per cent of adults experience some degree of sexsominia during their lifetime

Sexsomnia was first identified as a condition in the Nineties and brought to public attention in the 2003 issue of The Canadian Journal of Psychiatry where it was classed as a parasomnia, which refers to any unwanted behaviour — such as sleepwalking, talking, teeth-grinding, even getting up and vacuuming — while the sufferer is asleep.



According to Matthew Walker, professor of neurology at the National Hospital for Neurology and Neurosurgery in London, an act of sexsomnia is most likely to occur in the first few hours of the night, during the so-called ‘deep sleep’ state.



‘Just as children often experience night terrors and confusional arousals, so do adults,’ says Professor Walker. ‘Only adults might get sexually stimulated by a dream or turned on by the mere touch of a partner in bed.



‘At this time, the cortex — the thinking, planning, awareness part of the brain — gets switched off. But the brain stem, the part responsible for the basic urges like the drive to eat or have sex, is still working.



‘By this stage, the sexsomniac is acting completely without inhibition. And because the lower level of the brain is amnesic, he or she will have no memory of what they’ve done.’



In Britain, it’s believed about four per cent of adults experience some degree of sexsomnia during their lifetime.



Research reveals a number of unifying characteristics: it occurs when a bed is shared so there’s no getting up and hunting for a victim; episodes can become more frequent under times of stress or under the excessive influence of alcohol or drugs; and sufferers will often have displayed previous parasomnial behaviour, such as sleepwalking, talking or eating. Most notably — and in the eyes of sceptics who still doubt the condition is genuine — it affects far more men than women.

I usually rouse from sleep just in time, pretty surprised to find what I’m doing, although if Anita’s happy, then we might continue



‘Just as alcohol or drug abuse can cause a loosening of inhibitions, so can sleep,’ says psychologist Kevin Morgan, director of the Clinical Sleep Research Unit in Loughborough. ‘But it’s not going to change your behaviour completely.’

Considering this disorder is now used as a defence against serious accusations of sexual assault, it’s not surprising that many believe it is too convenient an excuse. What’s to stop any man from indulging his sexual compulsions, then claim total innocence?



Darren Greenwood, a 33-year-old window-fitter from Bethnal Green, London, was also cleared of sexually assaulting a woman last year after he told jurors he’d suffered from parasomnia in the past, which involved sitting up in bed and punching a wall.



So could sexsomnia be in danger of opening up a loophole for unacceptable sexual behaviour? Professor Walker, a medical expert at trials where sexsomnia is used as a defence, says it is not something that can be easily faked.

Problem: Sexsomnia was first identified as a condition in the Nineties and brought to public attention in the 2003 issue of The Canadian Journal of Psychiatry

‘To convince a jury, there usually has to be evidence of three things,’ he says. ‘First, that the defendant has previously suffered from parasomnias. Second, the act hasn’t been planned or sought out. And finally, there is no covering of tracks afterwards, because if they’re truly a sexsomniac, they will have no recollection of the incident and won’t need to come up with excuses.’



Outside the courtroom, sexsomnia can have a far less sinister side.

Dee Harris, 25, insists it is due to her husband Ryan’s ‘dis-inhibiting’ at night that they have their much longed-for son Lincoln. The couple from Basingstoke had been trying for a baby for 18 months and were about to launch into fertility treatment when Dee discovered she was pregnant.



‘When I looked back, it was clear I’d conceived on the night we’d had “sleep sex”, as we call it, which means when I’m half awake and Ryan is totally asleep.’



The couple identified Ryan’s condition after watching a TV documentary called Sleep Walkers: Secrets of the Night featuring husband and wife Tim and Amanda Draper. In the programme, 33-year-old Tim admitted being appalled by the violent nocturnal advances he was unwittingly making on Amanda.



‘To me, that’s a monster, he said. ‘It’s very extreme. It’s like Jekyll and Hyde, I wake up without any notion of what I’ve done. I feel guilty about it, but I have no control over it. I wish I did.’



In extreme cases the sexsomniac can be treated with drugs. In Tim’s case, a sedative prescribed before sleep helped, but Professor Walker says it’s important to concentrate on good sleep practices first.

‘This means no noise and no light in the bedroom, no caffeine after 4pm, no alcohol before bed and try to get enough sleep, as sleep-deprivation can exacerbate the disorder,’ he explains. ‘Therapy or antidepressants can help too, especially if stress is thought to be a major contributing factor.’

