Liverpool have been making some big noise this summer. Whether that’s the slapstick chase for Virgil van Dijk, which ended in sad failure in Blackpool (as so many things do), or the potentially more successful pursuit of Red Bu...sorry, RB Leipzig whelp Naby Keïta for an eye-watering fee of £70m. Or is it eye-watering? We don’t know anymore. Transfers have become so weird that it’s now impossible to judge what’s a lot of money and what’s actually quite reasonable.

Anyway, there’s some more noise coming from the other side of the Liverpool transfer table, as big dogs PSG barrel in and start swinging it around, as they’ve asked how much Philippe Coutinho would set them back. Liverpool, perhaps panicking like the Rumour Mill when faced with a wide selection of what look like broadly the same beers at a craft ale bar, spluttered and said “Erm, €100m!?!!!??!? Oh God, is that a lot? Is that not enough? We don’t know anymore.”

Transfer window: which European clubs have made the best signings so far? Read more

Down south, as if to prove that spending big in the Premier League is really what everyone is doing these days rather than just a habit of the moneyed elite, Arsenal are planning to fire some cash around too. In addition to spending a club-record fee on a bloke who can’t get in the France team in front of Olivier Giroud – who, incidentally, is apparently an Everton target – they’re now closing in on Riyad Mahrez. Whether Mahrez is in fact Any Good or whether he was just Really Good For That One Season, is slightly unclear. He’s an alternative to Thomas Lemar, who Monaco are dead set on keeping hold of. There’s also some more guff floating around about the respective contracts of Mesut Özil and Alexis Sánchez, but we’re so bored of that by this point you can look it up yourself if you’re interested.

Here’s a more interesting one: apparently West Ham, in the market for a striker/any good player to try and make up for last summer’s flaming bin of a transfer window, are mad keen on Javier Hernández. Giroud, Michy Batshuayi and Kelechi Iheanacho are also in their sights, although Leicester and Southampton also fancy the latter. You can add Benfica striker Raúl Jiménez to their wanted list too, although Liverpool are also said to be interested.

John Terry. Remember that guy? Well, Aston Villa fans won’t have to dip too far into their memory banks to conjure images of general personal unpleasantness and defensive excellence, because Mr Captain himself is set to sign on in Brum. The Chelsea side he finally left behind this year do seem to be scrabbling around a little for successors at the back to Terry. The move for Alex Sandro is officially turning into something of a saga, although apparently a breakthrough is anticipated today, while they’re also knee-deep in very involved discussions with Roma over their centre-back Antonio Rüdiger. Chuck sometime Real Madrid right-back Danilo into the mix as well, plus the eternal quest of some club in England to sign Leonardo Bonucci continues, too. Barcelona plan to throw a spanner into those particular works, mind.

Not sure what to make of the suggestion, from one of Spain’s more excitable newspapers, that Manchester United are in for Borussia Dortmund’s bluest eyes, Marc Bartra. José Mourinho is also set on keeping Matteo Darmian too, although nobody seems quite able to explain why. One man they probably won’t now get is Fabinho, who PSG are aiming to nick off Monaco.

Other bits: Swansea want to bring Nathaniel Chalobah in on loan. Them Swans are also close to signing Las Palmas midfielder Roque Mesa. Celtic will give Chelsea £5m for Charly Musonda. Everton will announced the signing of Michael Keane at some point on Monday. Spurs have made an offer of about €30m for Sporting midfielder Adrien Silva. And that’s quite enough for today.