Louisiana State Police have acquired a dozen unmanned aerial vehicles capable of spotting and identifying gay people from over a mile away.

With the help of a grant from the U.S. Department of Homeland Security, the Louisiana Department of Public Safety purchased the UAVs, commonly known as drones, at $50,000 per unit. Each of State Police’s nine troops is getting at least one pilotless, homosexual-reconnaissance aircraft, with Troops A, B, and L each getting two due to their greater populations of gay people.

It’s part of a national trend in which police forces across the country are either buying drones with money from Washington, D.C., or being loaned military UAVs by the federal government, as opposed to procuring more-expensive, traditional helicopters.

Col. Mike Edmonson says the gaydar-equipped UAVs, dubbed by some as “homo drones,” will be patrolling Louisiana’s skies next spring.

However, the LSP is the first law enforcement agency in the United States to employ gaydar technology as part of its surveillance arsenal.

LSP Superintendent Col. Mike Edmonson says the gaydar-equipped UAVs, dubbed by some as “homo drones,” will be patrolling Louisiana’s skies next spring.

“These specially equipped UAVs will be a tremendous tool for troopers in keeping Louisianians safe by helping us identify gay people from a safe distance,” Edmonson said. “Knowing whether a suspected criminal is gay or not is an invaluable piece of information when it comes to safely apprehending him, or her, or whatever term I’m supposed to use if the person is a transsexual.”

Edmonson explained how police can better deal with criminal suspects by knowing their sexual preferences.

“Gay criminals follow different patterns, have different motivations, and fit different profiles than straight criminals,” Edmonson stated. “For instance, if you’re involved in a standoff with a gay man and the hostage negotiator on scene tries to talk the guy down by bringing up things to live for, such as a wife or girlfriend or a proud father, that negotiator is just pissing in the wind.”

“It’s a known fact that gay drug mules can have up to three times the rectal capacity of straight drug mules.”

Edmonson mentioned other specific ways the UAVs’ gaydar will keep Louisiana citizens safe, including improved efficiency in drug interdiction, as well as aiding in tracking and apprehending criminals at large.

“Knowing that the people inside a vehicle suspected of hauling illegal drugs are gay can help troopers who pull them over better know what to look for, and where to search for it. It’s a known fact that gay drug mules can have up to three times the rectal capacity of straight drug mules,” Edmonson explained.

“And a gay manhunt is nothing like straight manhunt,” he added. “Instead of the woods, gay criminals will often hide in gentrified urban areas.”