If you’re new here, this is normally the part of the story where I’d try to explain what happened. But you know what? Nothing I write will be as good as that report. So whatever, who cares, I just typed out the highlights from the police narrative below, with a few names redacted.

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A little background: Zengo was arrested in the early morning of April 9, after a woman in a bar ran up to an officer and pointed out a man wearing a white polo shirt.

The woman told the officer that the man “was inside the bar spraying people with Fart Spray,” according to the incident report.

Super.

The Athens-Clarke County police can take it from here:

The female, who was later identified as being [name redacted], stated that she was also sprayed in the face with the Fart Spray by the male. She pointed at her right eye; saying that that was the area she was sprayed in. Contact was then made with the suspect who was still standing in the patio area of Whiskey Bent. I asked the male to tell me what took place inside of the bar; advising him that there was a complaint of him spraying people with Fart Spray. The male stated that he did not know what was going on, and he did not spray anyone with anything.

According to the officer, Zengo appeared “very inebriated” during this discussion.

Police asked for identification, which Zengo turned over, according to the documents. Zengo denied being inside the bar, but the officer noted: “I knew that Blake was not being truthful because [name redacted] point him out as being the suspect who was inside the bar spraying people, and he was also standing in the patio area of the bar.”

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Zengo was searched when he was placed under arrest, and police discovered the spray bottle in his pocket. Among the names on the bottle, police said: “Fart Prank.”

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The incident report also states:

It was noticed that several patrons of Whiskey Bent began to leave quickly while making comments about how bad it stunk inside the bar.

There’s also this:

The Fart Prank spray will be placed in evidence.

The woman told police that she didn’t want to press charges against Zengo, the report stated.

Also, not for nothing, but I did try to track down Zengo to get his comment for this. If you’re out there, Blake, feel free to get at me on email.

I’m sorry to drag down the newspaper of Woodward and Bernstein with this, except not really, because at least we all now know that fart spray is a thing you can buy. Service journalism.