Sure, Netflix has shows like Jessica Jones that are breaking new ground, and everyone you know may be currently obsessed with Making a Murderer. But let's be honest: that's all just been filling time. Something to do while you wait, patiently, for something truly mind-shattering to grab hold of your grey matter and shake it for all it's worth. To up-end your conceptions of what is possible, and reveal that the world stretches out into an infinite distant horizons of possibility, potential, and hope.

That thing is Fuller House, one of the finest works of existential dread committed to film.

You may think we're overreacting, but we offer you a simple challenge: just take a look at these first promotional images. Of Candace Cameron Bure and Jodie Sweetin reprising their roles as the Tanner sisters. Of Andrea Barber as the infamous Kimmy Gibbler. Bob Saget, pretending he's not a foul-mouthed comic. John Stamos, pretending he didn't just get a DUI. And Dave Coulier, pretending he never met Alanis Morissette.

Look at them and try not to believe in the true function of Full House.

There's a reason Netflix just went worldwide yesterday. Its aim is global domination. The weapon is this show, the true opiate of the masses, and grim reminder of our ultimate fate.

Open your mind to the true power of Fuller House, the middle point of the great social experiment formerly known as TGIF: a visualization of time’s effect on the human body and spirit as we absentminded humans fret over problems like “who is dating whom” and “the youngest Tanner’s report card."

Then and Now: Now and Later:

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