As I stood in front of the mirror combing my hair, I noticed how extraordinarily dark it was on the bottom 4 – 6 inches. My eyes widened.

“Honey, get in here,” I yelled for my husband.

He stuck his head around the corner from our bedroom, and started, “What is… holy crap!”

“I know,” I cried. “It’s green.”

He just stared at it for a moment. Then he pursed his lips together as tightly as he could. I was so entranced by having Leprechaun green hair that I ignored him.

I puffed up and said, “I am not going to let this ruin our vacation.” I was trying to be so brave. We had spent a great deal of money to get two houses a boardwalk away from the beach. “But I won’t be laughed at either.” I am in tears.

I look up from my hair in the mirror, and my husband has his back to me standing at the toilet. He is peeing, and I notice his whole body is shaking. He is laughing. I donkey kick his leg, and cry, “It is not funny.”

He burst into fits of laughter and said, “It… kind of… is… a lit…little… funny.” He could barely speak. I wanted to scream.

I put my pajamas on and ran out on our back deck. My two girlfriends are still out drying off and getting ready to go in. I tried to be calm, but it came out pathetically, “My hair is green.”

One of my girlfriends looked up at me, and said, “Oh my gosh!”

“I know!” I cried again.

She said, “Send him over here, now. I have some swimmers’ shampoo.” She had her own pool back home and always carried the special shampoo with them.

I said, “All right,” and yelled over my shoulder, “Go next door for some special shampoo.” I heard heavy footsteps going down the stairs. There was no more laughter.

She said, “Have you washed it already?”

“Yes,” I said with fear.

“Okay, okay. It may still be all right. Did you condition it?”

“Yes,” with more fear in my voice.

She didn’t say anything. I burst out, “What? What?”

She said, “Darlin’, the conditioner may have set it. That is why you have always wet your hair and put conditioner in it so the chemicals couldn’t get to the follicle of your hair.”

I wanted to melt into the deck. Feeling like a complete loser, I went into the house. I heard her yell, “Now, don’t worry! This shampoo should help.”

Oh, sure, I thought. You aren’t the one with green clown hair.



