My oldest daughter, who’s eight years old, has extensive food allergies, so eating isn’t always a delight for her. But she *can* eat bacon – and she does it with gusto. It’s her favorite food on earth currently. Yesterday she decided that really everything in life is about bacon, and we laughed ourselves silly coming up with reasons why. Today we made this list for your viewing pleasure.

EVERYTHING IS ABOUT BACON

Knives – to cut the bacon

Forks – to lift the bacon to my mouth

Plates – to hold the bacon

Chairs – to sit in while eating bacon

Water – to wash the bacon down

Clothes – to stay warm while eating bacon

Clothes that are too big – to grow into from getting large eating nothing but bacon

Washers and dryers – to wash bacon grease off my clothes

Shoes – to wear to go buy more bacon

Cars – to drive to the store to get bacon

Houses – a place to cook and eat bacon

Closets – to hide in so no one sees me constantly eating bacon

Curtains – to hide the fact that I do nothing all day but eat bacon

Doors – to keep the bacon scent contained to one room

Parents – to cook my bacon

Siblings – to want my bacon

All other food – to give to siblings to eat instead of my bacon

Jewelry – to look stylish while eating bacon

Cameras – to take pictures of bacon

Social media – to post pictures of me wearing jewelry and eating bacon

TV – to show me commercials of yummy bacon

Microphones – to host podcasts where I talk about bacon or record music where I sing about bacon

Money – to buy bacon

A job – to work to get money to buy bacon

Trophies – to earn by winning bacon-eating contests

State fairs and amusement parks – to eat deep-fried bacon

People – to provide me with bacon

Trees – to give us wood to create barns to house pigs which give me bacon

Dirt – to grow the trees which create barns which house pigs who give me bacon

Pigs – Duh. Bacon.