“Keeping Up With the Kardashians” is one of the worst reality shows on TV, which is quite a statement. Reality TV is chocked full of some of the worst humans I can imagine. But the Kardashian show is a new level of untalented, over dramatic, uninteresting, yet somehow successful characters. Being easy to hate is just as good for a reality show as it is having lovable characters I guess. It creates publicity and fake drama to keep the poor audience watching. I for one have never watched more than a few seconds at a time of this slimefest of a program. Here is a long list of things I would prefer to watching any or all episodes of “Keeping Up With The Kardashians“. Feel free to use this list to save your IQ points if you find yourself about to sit down on the couch and let waves of stupidity wash over you from your big screen.

– I would watch a singular episode of “Breaking Bad” on an endless loop before watching the best episode of the Kardashians. Seeing greatness on screen, even repeatedly, would be better than watching unimportant people prance around doing basically nothing for 30 minutes.

– I would watch a presidential debate, and I hate politics. Having several political liars on stage simultaneously would be hard for me to watch. But I would bite the bullet and endure it in lieu of any Kardashian “plot”.

– I would translate an entire episode of Honey Boo Boo for folks who can’t understand the mom on that horrific show. I would do this work for free to give the poor person tasked with that job a day off, and if it was between that and watching the Kardashians.

– I would write a thousand word piece on Bruce Jenner, the athlete, for free to avoid their show. I feel sorry for this guy. How he got mixed up with this freakish crew, I cannot fathom. I feel like some human rights group should sweep in to protect him from his family.

– I would really go into dark territory and listen to a Kayne West album before checking out even the best Kardashian episode. I hate Kanye West and I wish I could come up with a stronger word for hate. I would not enjoy listening to his music, but I feel like my mind would go numb or put up some kind of mental block after a few minutes to protect my psyche. This choice is one of the few options that Kanye’s music would be a choice for me. If anyone reading this is a Kanye fan, you should re-evaluate your life and your values. Though, if you like the guy, you are likely a bad person as well. In that case, carry on.

– I would rather sit through a reading of “War and Peace” by the nearly illiterate Floyd Mayweather. This guy is a disgusting beater of women so it would be hard to stomach his voice for very long. But it would be amusing to hear him taking on a huge book and mangling the English language.

– I am no fan of baseball but I would take in a full game instead of checking out the K’s reality show. I am sure I would fall asleep around the 4th inning so I would need someone by my side to keep me awake for the full game. Baseball is boring but at least it is not fake.

– Re-enacting every scene from “Fear Factor” would be a daunting task and probably kill me ultimately. But I would take my chances with that versus Kim and the gang.

– I would be taking my life into my own hands, but I would fight Ronda Rousey. I am confident I would get put in an armbar rather quickly, but I would gladly tap before having my arm ripped out of socket. This scenario is not so bad considering I would have some physical contact with Ronda Rousey even if it was short lived and she would be trying to injure me.

– Instead of spending 30 minutes with the Kardashians, I would prefer to sit front row at a Kevin Hart stand up show and get clowned. This one would hurt emotionally but I would recover eventually. A sit down with the Kardashians might scar me for life.

– I’d watch each and every one of Tyler Perry’s flicks. I would need someone to tell me when I got to the end of the list as I would be unable to tell the difference from one film to the next.

– Having lunch with an arrogant, overbearing, and hypocritical character would suck. But I would still prefer this lunch with Roger Goodell over the alternative.

– Waiting in line for the new Iphone 6 with a pile of Apple fanboys and girls would ruin my day. However, even these annoying people are not as bad as watching a family of pseudo celebrities pretend to be interesting. At least the fanboys and gals are actually doing something. The Kardashians are busy deciding what to eat for lunch, looking at themselves in mirrors, and drumming up faux drama to perpetuate their “careers”.

– I would read 50 Facebook posts describing what my friends are having for dinner….with photos. This would be a huge burden for me since this information is totally useless. I am not sure why people post these mundane “activities”. These posts should make Zuckerberg ashamed that he even created Facebook. Reality TV should give the same shame to the inventor of TV.

– I would interview 100 lottery players to try to understand their “system” for picking daily cash 3 numbers. These folks who do “number workouts” truly believe they can beat a system that uses random numbers with the odds stacked against them. I am sure my brain would need a week or so to come back from these interviews, but I would be OK eventually. My IQ would be irrevocably lowered if I took on a showing of the Kardashians.

Now catch a sneak of Season 10’s Keeping Up With the Kardashian and let the drama continue!





