There’s a little bastard of a troll who lives inside all of us. He drools and spits and scratches and screams in an orgiastic display of self-serving mental masturbation. Except he doesn’t look like a troll. He looks like you and me. He looks like pretty girls, priests, football geeks, engineers, high school heroes – because he’s a master of disguise. He only reveals himself through the thoughts and actions of the individual, but his individual actions have enough power to affect millions.

The troll criticizes, controls, condemns, compares, judges, attacks and separates. The troll is a real son-of-a-bitch. Some call him Ego, or Chatter, or Unconscious. Whatever name you give him, he exists, and he feeds on negativity like a Sith at an Ewok barbecue.

The troll has a voice and his favourite words are “I,” “Me,” and, “You.” He never shuts up.

There’s no way to stop the troll. All we can do is ignore him. And once you’re aware of him, if you continue to heed his words, then you are playing a game. You are passing a ball in a field of daisies called delusion. You are like a drunk child in a waking dream.

Wake up. When you feel the draw to feed the troll, let it pass. Without momentum, the troll crawls back under the bridge and you are left with peace, harmony, productivity, creativity and awareness.

Once you’ve tamed the troll, you can transform him into a Unicorn and ride the fucker to glory. All the beasts of mind and soul exist to assist you. But left unchecked, they will run feral and herd you off cliffs, feast on your guts and defecate on your hopes, desires and dreams.

Spend thirty minutes sitting in silence. Try not to think. You’ll understand the troll, his function, his undying nature, because the voice will be there, always whispering up from below the bridge. It is your job to ignore him until his voice serves a purpose, like inspiration, motivation or support. In that regard, you can tame and train the beast.

The Samurai

There was once a famous young Japanese samurai. He visited many Zen masters. He went to the head Zen master and boldly announced that all that exists is empty, there is really no you or me, and so on. All classic Buddhist teachings. The master listened on in silence. Suddenly he snatched up his pipe and struck the samurai’s head with it. The furious young swordsman would have slayed him but the master said calmly, “Emptiness is sure quick to show anger, is it not?” The samurai realized he had much to learn about Zen.

And we have much to learn about ourselves. For we are all the master, the samurai, and the troll.