Alfa Romeo has announced a new app that will allow its fans to keep track of whatever the Italian car maker’s half arsed plans are today.

Called iNdecision, the new app is centred around a homepage on which Alfa can proudly declare its new plans for the future and then immediately announce that it has cancelled them. ‘This will be the only place to get immediate news about the twentieth redesign of the new Giulia saloon, even though it hasn’t even been announced yet,’ boasted Alfa’s senior app developer, Signor Appdevelopore. ‘Our aim is to have minute-by-minute updates of our plans to create a new sports car, then to not do that, then to start talking about a rear-wheel-drive saloon, then to cancel that and talk about a new hatchback, then to cancel everything and start again.’

However, the new app isn’t just about keeping track of Alfa’s apparent inability to know what the fuck to do with itself, as Appdevelopore explains. ‘Using this application, you will also be able to browse our current mainstream range including the MiTo, the Giulietta… erm… the MiTo… umm… did I mention the Giulietta already?’

The Alfa iNdecision app will be available for download only in America, no wait, only in Europe, or at least it will be developed in Europe, but it will be mainly focussed on America, or maybe China, no wait, it’s all about being Italian, or maybe there will be a new strategy for it but they’re waiting for a sweater wearing lunatic to decide what it is this week.

The new app has been cancelled.