My name is Morgan Leahy and I’m a deaf undergraduate student. I’m choosing to tell my story in the hope that my journey helps to raise awareness of disability rights and deaf issues.

On May 9, 2016, I will be one of the few deaf students to ever graduate from Emory University. However, my story is fairly unique – I went deaf during my four year college career. When I started at Oxford College of Emory University, studying Music and Mathematics, I had no issues with my hearing. I had a wonderful 2 years where I made a bunch of friends. I was active in the community where I was Co-president of Oxford’s a capella group, and my life was good.

However, during the second year I started to become ill and no one knew why.

My symptoms included severe nausea, dizziness and fatigue, which went on for a number of weeks. I went to several hospitals to try to figure out what was wrong with me, and initially the doctors prescribed me medication to help subdue the effects until we could further evaluate.

While the doctors searched for an answer to my questions, I focused on my academics. The professors at Emory University were so extremely supportive, and I was completely honest with them. I told them I wanted to continue college despite my medical problems and they worked with me to make sure I met my goals. However, I chose not to tell my friends and remain silent on these issues socially; I realized that word traveled fast at Oxford. I did not people want discussing my situation or forming their own conclusions.

My junior year I moved onto Emory’s main campus. I was able to hide my illness for some time… it didn’t get in the way of my academics and again I chose to remain silent, and only to confide the severity of my condition with my family and my now fiance.

Then one day I woke up to find my hearing was basically gone.

I noticed almost immediately upon waking up. It was as if someone put earmuffs over my ears, making all sound muffled and unclear. Initially, I thought it was a product of my cold and sinus infection – I assumed it was a symptom. But my hearing never came back.

This sudden drop of hearing continued to happen to me over the course of a few months until my hearing was so bad I required hearing aids. This was a real wake up call – I could no longer hide my medical condition, and it became known that I was struggling.

The doctors promised that my hearing would stabilize and that I should be able to function normally. But a few months after getting my hearing aids I woke up to find my right ear completely deaf. Shortly after that, my left ear also went deaf and I was finally declared what is considered to be profoundly deaf.

I could no longer function with either of my ears.

Doctors were bewildered by my condition. Some speculated head trauma while others said it was a virus or perhaps a genetic mutation. I went to so many doctors appointments that the entire nursing staff at Emory Hospital’s Otolaryngology department knew me by my first and last name.

The cause of my deafness is still unknown to this day, however after many tests I was diagnosed with what my doctor at Emory University Hospital considered to be one of the worst cases of vestibular disorder he has ever seen. This basically means that the part of my inner ear in charge of balancing me was completely nonfunctional, which affects both my vision and my balance.

To put it in perspective, imagine you’re on a roller coaster or the teacups ride at an amusement park. After you get off, you feel dizzy and nauseous. You might struggle with walking and in the worst cases you feel like you’re about to throw up. This is because your vestibular is completely thrown off and cannot calibrate.

The vestibular is what makes you be able to walk straight and adjust naturally to terrain. It’s why people can close their eyes and still be able to walk in a relatively straight line. For me, my vestibular is damaged beyond repair, making me constantly have that sensation of dizziness and nausea.

Emory’s Office of Disability Services responded quickly to my newfound hearing loss and new medical condition. I was set up with a closed captioning service and a note taker right away. My doctor informed me that I qualified for bilateral cochlear implant technology. I chose to get the surgeries for them, as well as receive physical therapy and treatment in order to cope with vestibular disorder.

A cochlear implant essentially transmits sounds as electricity directly to the nerve that sends the hearing signals to the brain, essentially bypassing the entire ear. The cochlear implants allows navigating in the hearing world more easier for me. However, it is important to note that they are strictly a tool for assisting me in the hearing world, rather than a cure for deafness. They are by no means perfect and I still consider myself deaf, just like any other deaf individual with cochlear technology. The cochlear device can be turned on and off as I please.

After taking time to reflect on the entire process of going deaf, I actually took everything surprisingly well. I cannot deny that I developed a minor depression and became frustrated from losing one of my major senses, especially since it inhibited me from continuing music. But all things considering I believe I handled deafness with grace, perhaps due to determination or even stubbornness.

I was able to embrace new hobbies such as cooking, photography, and reading. I dedicated so much of my life to music that I never really considered doing things outside of that box. Going deaf made me leave my comfort zone and embrace a whole new identity I did not know once existed. Deafness also gave me the opportunity to join an amazingly unique community and culture.

The Deaf community has embraced me as one of their own and supported me throughout my journey, making transitioning into deafness much easier. I could never imagine life without deafness at this point. I think it is also important to take into consideration that deafness is by no means something to pity me over and will never inhibit my abilities in life.

When I went deaf people constantly flooded me with apologies and sadness. I was surrounded with pity. Although all these wonderful people had good intentions, I always reminded them to keep healthy thoughts in their mind. Going deaf is shocking, there is not denying that. But, it is not the end of the world for me. The lack of hearing wasn’t what cause me sorrow and trouble, it was the sudden change of lifestyle that filled me with anxiety.

But my life will move on. I am pushing forward and determined to one day fully adjust. I am vigorously studying American Sign Language and have become an active member in the Deaf community. I focus on the positive things in my life and that is why I have survived with happiness and sanity. I chose not to allow my medical condition to hold me back, as seen by me studying abroad in China, planning my own wedding for this summer, or a creating research proposal involving Deaf education.

Although I was able to take my newfound disability well and am becoming comfortable with my deaf identity, there are many things they do not tell you about being or becoming deaf. I found that although the school was supportive on the surface, I constantly found my voice not being heard in the conversation by both my peers and the administration. Everyday I feel like I am fighting for my rights of accessibility and as a deaf individual, whether it be in the classroom or at a social gathering.

Emory University does not even offer American Sign Language as a credited course, even though American Sign Language is the 3rd most used non-english language in our country. This is surprising that Emory does not offer ASL considering they have recently founded the Graduate Disabilities Initiative Study. I can only imagine how much more difficult my experience would have been without the Americans with Disabilities Act. Just last week I had to jump through hoops and fight to make sure that there would be interpreters and captions at my own graduation. I have also had peers (luckily only a few) reject my experience as a deaf individual and treat me poorly during my journey.

However, I have been shown great acts of human compassion and kindness. One of the shuttle drivers has noticed my lack of balance and always makes sure that I have seat on the shuttle. A cafeteria worker wrote down my regular order and has it hanging behind the counter for me so all I have to do is point and they know what I want! I found that going deaf brought out both the best and the worst in people. Although I may have lost a few people in my life who were creating negativity, I have gained many new friends through my journey and many of my relationships have only grown stronger. Emory, both the school and student population, are taking steps in the right direction, but still have much more to learn in terms of accommodation, disabilities rights, and the deaf experience.

I understand though that deafness and disability issues can be difficult to embrace and understand at a core. I have the unique ability since I have been both hearing and deaf. I see both sides of the situation and hope to be able to be part of the solution and bridge the gap between the hearing and deaf worlds.

My experience of going deaf while at Emory has been an interesting one. I am very lucky that one of the best cochlear surgeons in the world is staffed here at Emory Hospital and that he accepted me as a patient for cochlear implants. I am blessed to have had kind professors who were supportive and understanding. My family and generous friends’ support and love have been a fountain from which I have taken strength. I cannot express my gratitude to my amazing fiance who tutored me in my subjects and was by my side for surgeries, doctors appointments, and physical therapy sessions. The Deaf community has shown nothing but kindness and guidance during my journey into deafness, allowing me to fully embrace my deaf identity.

Without these people’s support and patience it would have been impossible for me to graduate this May and fully cope with my hearing loss. I am grateful for my deaf experience here at Emory and I hope sharing my experience creates more awareness and open-mindedness. To all of you who went out of their way to try and communicate with me and help me remain connected here at Emory; Thank you!

To those of you who want to become more involved in deaf issues and disability rights, I urge you to do so and continue to educate yourself.

We live in such a wonderful world full of unique experiences. I hope my experience has given an alternate perspective.

@momoxmia