Are you stressing over what to bring to yet another awkward holiday party gift exchange? If you live in a blue state, you’re probably still in post-election mourning; hence, I’ve assembled a list of white-elephant gift-exchange gifts to inspire conversation and relieve stress.

Note on content: there are many references to “pussy” in this story.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Prayer Candle

Image courtesy of Kerrin Serna, the Eternal Flame

Oh, RBG, deliver us from the evil one. May lice, boils and nasty women be upon him. I will not forgive he who should trespass on my 14th Amendment rights. Praise be upon my pussy. I bought three of these.

Buy yours here.

Donald Trump Toilet Paper

Photo courtesy of Mr. Eli, Novelties Wholesale

I can’t stop imagining wiping my ass with this. For #2 only. He’s not getting anywhere near #1.

Buy yours here.

Blue State Flask

Photo courtesy of Kyle Sigmunds, Politiclothes

This is for day-drinking the pain away or to take to a Kanye West concert.

Buy yours here.

Elizabeth Warren Thong

Photo courtesy of Kathy Azada

The only politician I would trust to safeguard my loins from assholes.

Buy yours here.

Teardrop Plushie

Photo courtesy of Flat Bonnie

For those of us who still cry ugly over the election sometimes, this teardrop named Uru-Uru can help.

Buy yours here.

Michelle Obama for President T Shirt

Photo courtesy of Americana Monkey

Get ready for 2020.

Buy yours here.

Mike Pence Voodoo Doll

Photo courtesy of NAN, a.k.a. CreepyStuff

Where will you stab him first? NAN’s Etsy Shop is on vacation, but if you contact her here, she is willing to accept some custom orders.

Donald Dog Chew Toy

Photo courtesy of Katherine Lika, FUZZU

Enjoy watching Fido hump Trump or tear that wig right off his head and rip out his stuffing.

Buy yours here.

GOP Elephant Piñata

Photo courtesy of Antonio Sanchez, Out of this World Piñata

Here’s to whacking the candy out of the Republicans in the 2018 midterm elections.

Buy yours here, or head to the Mission—Discount City at 24th and Mission carries Trump piñatas.

Donald Trump Punching Bag

Photo courtesy of Fernando Sosa, Political Sculptor

KO the President Elect. Punch and kick. Repeat.

Buy yours here.

Clinton Pillow

Photo courtesy of Shweeet

For those of us who want to wrap our arms around HRC and say thank you.

Buy yours here.

Pussy for Planned Parenthood

Photo courtesy of Lauren Dobbins

Pretty! Fifty percent of the proceeds go to fund Planned Parenthood.

Buy yours here.

Pile of Trump Flags

Photo courtesy of Someguy, a.k.a. Brian Singer

Four years of this?

Get yours for free here.