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But did you know that when she wasn't fulfilling her life's goal to be a low-budget Jane Fonda, she was becoming a world-renowned physician who specializes in hormone replacement therapy?

If you didn't know, that's because she absolutely wasn't doing that, but damn if that was going to stop Oprah from treating her like a medical professional anyway. In 2009, Somers was invited to appear on the show for the sole purpose of having a platform to stand on while gushing about her intense daily routine, which consists of taking 60 pills, rubbing estrogen lotion on her arms, and vaginal estriol injections.

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Vaginal!

Not content to simply allow Somers' lunacy to permeate the airwaves, Oprah apparently let a little spill on herself as well. Shortly after Suzanne's appearance on her show, The Mighty O followed that same daily regimen of vagina shots and horse pills and, after four days, concluded that she was essentially born again into a more vibrant, clear, and youthful version of herself. FOUR DAYS? Fucking hair replacement cream goes through a longer trial than that, and that shit goes on your head, not IN your vag.

Why does Suzanne partake in this? Well, according to her, all this shit is making her stay young and healthy. However, according to pretty much everyone with actual medical credentials, her "wellness regime" is actually very unhealthy, to the point that it could endanger her life. Somers is a huge fan of bio-identical hormones ...