Dir: Greg Tiernan, Conrad Vernon

Starring: Seth Rogen, Kristen Wiig, Michael Cera

1h 29min. Cert 15

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Being an awkward recluse, I’m not usually one to get excited for parties. But I have to admit, I had really high hopes for Sausage Party. I knew Seth Rogen and his crew were gonna be there, as well as Kristen Wiig, and I’ve always got on with those guys. But when I walked in the door it wasn’t at all what I expected, and I knew I’d be back at home in bed before eleven.

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I can imagine how this film was conceived. Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill and Evan Goldberg sitting in one of their LA apartments, getting high and chatting shit, maybe there was a Disney film on in the background, we’ve all been there.

*****

Rogen splutters as he takes too big of a hit from his comically phallic bong. As he reaches for his drink he notices the film playing on TV, it’s Toy Story 2, not Disney after all.

. “Hey,” he says to Hill and Goldberg in his instantly recognisable deep voice, “we should make a fucking cartoon. One for adults, with. Ya’know, dicks and shit.”

“There’s already dicks everywhere in Disney,” Hill replies, “they’re just hidden.”

Goldberg smiles but says nothing as Rogen and Hill continue to talk, he’s already way too high.

“OK”, Rogen says as he packs another bong hit, “but I’m saying lets bring those dicks out.”

“Let them see the dicks,” Hill smiles.

“Exactly! Let them see the dicks man!”

As they laugh Goldberg reaches for the bag of Doritos, hoping that if he eats enough of them they might soak up some of the empty feeling in his stomach. But as he moves the triangle-shaped goodness towards his mouth he stops suddenly. His hand hovers a few inches from his mouth.

“What if food could talk?” he murmurs to himself.

Seth Rogen laughs, low and guttural.

“You need to learn to handle your shit man.”

Rogen leans back and the sound of bubbling fills the room as he inhales deeply on the penis bong. But Hill watches Goldberg staring at the Dorito. Through the haze, a spark of recognition starts to flicker. He looks at the TV and then back to Goldberg.

“What if food could talk,” Hill repeats slowly.

“What’s happening?” Rogen laughs, “Did you two join a fucking cult?”

“What if food could talk,” Hill says again, louder and with more conviction.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

‘There’s a Snake in my boot.’

The noise of the TV cuts through the disjointed conversation. Rogen watches through a cloud of smoke and sees Woody on the screen. His eyes widen.

“Oh shit!”

Jonah Hill nods.

“Oh shit,” Rogen says as he stands up, “what if food could talk!”

“What if food could talk,” Hill answers happily as he gets up.

“Let them see the dicks!” Rogen shouts.

He hugs Hill and they shout it in unison, turning it into a chant as they jump up and down together.

“Let them see the dicks! Let them see the dicks!”

Goldberg just smiles, he’s sunk back into the sofa and is crunching happily on a handful of Doritos.

*****

At least that’s how I like to imagine it happened. But I guess it’s not important. What is important is that I did indeed see the dicks, and I was not impressed.

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Maybe I’m getting old, because some of the racial stereotypes in Sausage Party were leaning a lot closer to offensive than funny. Maybe there is a good way to have an animated bagel and flatbread argue over the Israel/Palestine conflict, but I don’t think they’ve found it here. I’m all for offensive jokes, but if they’re not funny then all that’s left is cheap shock value.

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I did laugh a fair few times, but often I found myself laughing in embarrassment. Or sighing as yet another lazy food pun was fired out. And I normally love puns, but sadly Sausage Party turned me into something I never thought I’d become. In the space of an hour and a half I saw myself transformed from a youth to an old man who just doesn’t get it anymore. It was all just a bit too much, a bit too out there with not enough laughs.

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Also, I know it’s a silly film about talking food, but there are a lot of inconsistencies. Some of the food is alive as the packet and not the items inside, like the crisps. Yet some exist individually inside the packet, like the protagonist Frank the frankfurter, who for some reason was American and not German, despite having a whole bit on Nazi sauerkraut wanted to exterminate the juice.* And all of the food is human-ish, yet right at the end the horseradish sauce are like horses. Also some objects get to be alive, such as a condom or a toilet roll, but knives remain inanimate. I don’t get it.

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I love the Rogen/Goldberg crew, but for the first time in my life I think I understand how stuffy parents must feel. I wouldn’t want my future kids watching this, I don’t even want future me watching this. They’ve had a lot of hits, but for me this one is a miss. Now I’m gonna go watch Superbad and get the bad taste of Sausage out of my mouth.

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Rating: 2 / 5

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*Actually one of the better puns in the movie.