The tradition of sneering at “boy bands” and their fans—who are often, but not always, young women—is an old one rooted in ageism and misogyny. While this stigma extends to BTS—even SNL’s promos played off the idea of ARMYs as mindless tween fangirls—Kim believes the “boy band” label isn’t entirely accurate. “When Americans see the handsome boys dancing together, for them that’s obviously the format of the boy band,” Kim said. But for Korean people and for fans, he added, they’re “more like a hip-hop group with vocal abilities who can also dance supremely well ... For a lot of people, ‘boy band’ would automatically discount their musical ability and authenticity.”

Because that label is so limiting, I tend to explain BTS’s appeal like this: Imagine if the players on your favorite sports team (the members train like athletes, after all) were also your favorite musicians and the stars of your favorite reality-TV show and you also thought of them as family members. Even so, I can’t speak to what draws everyone to the group; ARMY is no monolith, comprising followers of all ages, races, genders, nationalities, and religious backgrounds. While the community’s ethos of inclusion is one of its strengths, the size of the fan base also means that ugly elements do exist and internal disagreements can sometimes arise. (For example, last weekend it was announced that BTS would perform in Saudi Arabia in October. This prompted both elation from many Arab and Muslim fans in the region and criticism from others who pointed, in part, to the country’s human-rights abuses and the fact that BTS has raised more than $2 million for UNICEF, which is providing aid for victims of the Saudi-fueled conflict in Yemen.)

Most new fans I’ve spoken with however, have described ARMY as an unusually welcoming community that works to address bad behavior within its ranks. Like myself, the writer and editor Laura Hudson first encountered BTS through SNL and posted about her experience on Twitter:

Oh no I finally watched BTS on SNL and 12 hours later I know all their names and musical proficiencies and have opinions on who are the best singers and dancers and which of their hair colors and styles have historically looked the best oh no pic.twitter.com/gSAwiWwTje — Laura Hudson (@laura_hudson) April 17, 2019

“I wrote that tweet, and then ARMY came,” Hudson told me. Though she had covered other fandoms as a critic, she was taken aback by how open BTS supporters were. “People were like, ‘Yeah, it’s great, love it with us!’ That’s what I wish more fandom was like,” Hudson said. “As a journalist, there’s the immediately skeptical part of me where I’m like, Is it a cult?” she went on. “But if it is a cult ... it seems like one that’s focused on positivity and acceptance.”

As new and slightly older fans, we also talked about not being able to have meaningful discussions about BTS with many people in our lives, and about how tiring it is to constantly, on some level, be policing our enjoyment. After explaining all the things she likes about BTS—their “nontraditional presentation of masculinity,” the joyfulness of their performances, the dizzying complexity of their storytelling—Hudson sighed. There are so many social forces, she noted, that get in the way of people allowing themselves to love what they love. “The simplest thing about it is: It makes me happy,” Hudson told me of BTS’s music. “But if it were also secretly garbage, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it.”