Persona 5 Scramble Makes Persona 5 Royal Look Like a Joke

James Gournalist April 1, 2020 2:00 PM EST

Persona 5 Scramble is a red-pilled, politics-free experience straight from Japan, infinitely superior to the SSJs infested Royal "enhanced" version.

Atlus just released Persona 5 Royal on PS4 this week, and meanwhile in Japan, Persona 5 Scramble has been available for a bit more than a month on PS4 and Switch. You might be wondering which between Royal and Scramble is the better game. Luckily, DualShockers has spent hours with both games, so we’re here to answer all your questions.

Persona 5 Royal is Political; Persona 5 Scramble Isn’t

First off, let’s get this straight outta the way, as we know you hate clickbait, and we do too: After spending many hours on it, I can confirm Persona 5 Royal is a complete fraud full of political themes, and you should avoid it at all costs.

It’s a well-known fact that Japanese media traditionally do not include shoehorned-in politics. Take kids-oriented anime such as Sailor Moon and Pretty Cure, for example. They never try to overstep their bounds and influence children with any kind of politics. Meanwhile, adult anime watchers with mature tastes will rightfully cast aside the aforementioned shallow kids series for more mature experiences, such as Dirty Pair and Cross Ange. These two anime focus on their scantily-clad heroines without ever forcing political themes into their viewers, old enough to make their own opinions.

Japan knows what we want when it comes to anime, and the same holds true for Japanese games. Anyone can realize this fact after playing masterpieces from genius Japanese game developers such as ZUN, Gen Urobuchi, or Ryukishi07. Japanese games’ stories never include political themes in their midst, and only those who really don’t know anime would claim otherwise. Started in 2006 by Atlus, the Persona series has been following this time immemorial rule as well until Persona 5, and its now “enhanced” version, Persona 5 Royal.

As a reminder, the original Persona 5 released in 2016 was already a big offender, as the game’s main story went as far as having President Donald Trump inspire one of its villains. However, the game had enough waifus to keep it worthwhile. Regrettably, Persona 5 Royal goes way over the line. Right in its first hours of gameplay, Persona 5 Royal retcons Morgana as the first-ever black and liberal cat in fiction, allowing protagonist Joker to freely go out at night. This is a clear (and poor) attempt by Atlus to try and appeal to those in America, all while neglecting the true fans of the franchise that have been supporting it since 2006.

In opposition, Persona 5 Scramble (developed by Koei Tecmo, the creators of Atelier Ryza and Fire Emblem Three Houses, two based and red-pilled masterpieces) has absolutely no politics. And yes, this means none of this global warming stuff, despite the game being set in summer. Instead, the characters travel all over Japan and have fun during their vacation. Persona 5 Royal‘s entire story is set in Tokyo, with very few environmental variations. Persona 5 Scramble brings you the beautiful landscapes of Hawaii, Kyoto, and Ozaka. Koei Tecmo’s chef-d’œuvre delivers to its players a real taste of Japanese culture, between tradition and innovation, with sushi, kimono, and a fully apolitical environment.

Lastly, I’d point out Joker is also much more of a Chad in Scramble, as he cooks for his homies all by himself during the whole trip. He is completely different from Persona 5 Royal‘s Joker, a beta virgin who can’t even date more than 10 waifus simultaneously. This brings us to the next main reason why Persona 5 Scramble is better than Persona 5 Royal.

Scramble has Better New Waifus than Royal

As you may know, Persona 5 Royal adds a brand new waifu, called Kasumi Yoshizawa. You might think this a good thing, but don’t be fooled. As someone who already played the game in Japanese, I can assure you Kasumi is a horrible waifu. She’s boring, and you can’t even play with her for most of the game. She’s a transfer student, but she must have fooled around with boys before going to Shujin and I bet she’s not even a virgin. Plus, Kasumi is a huge eater.

Moreover, Kasumi’s persona is Cendrillon, a Disney character. I believe it is unnecessary to remind you how Disney always shoehorns politics in whatever they touch, just like how they ruined Star Wars. If this still doesn’t tip you off about these people‘s influence on Persona 5 Royal, just look at Kasumi’s hair color: it’s bright red.

It’s also important to note that Kasumi wears full opaque black tights in most of the game. This shows how some people put pressure on Atlus in order to cover Kasumi up and make her show as little skin as possible. You will only be able to see Kasumi’s legs more than 30 hours into Royal, when the characters switch to their summer school uniforms. This is simply unacceptable. Sadly, nothing will change unless we gamers rise up. Yesterday it was Square Enix and Tifa’s boobs, today it is Atlus and Kasumi’s legs. Who knows what could get censored next?

On the other hand, Persona 5 Scramble has over three new waifus. One of them is Kyary Pamyu Pamyu, featured further above. With over 5 million followers, Kyari is known as the Queen of Based™ in Japan. The fact that she granted Koei Tecmo permission to modelize her in Persona 5 Scramble shows how great of a game it is.

That’s not all; Persona 5 Scramble also includes a new loli character named Sophia. She’s wearing very short shorts, so you can see her legs anytime. And when Sophie transforms into her Phantom Thief costume, Sophie, she has a Zettai Ryouiki, also known as the pinnacle of Japanese culture. This is proof of how red-pilled the game is, unbiased by western standards against loli characters.

The last new waifu featured above we’ll introduce is Kuon Ichinose. She’s a tall, sexy, and intelligent lady that gets involved with Joker in more ways than one, if you know what I mean.

It’s also important to note that Anne and Haru, the two waifus with the biggest assets, have much better breast bouncing animations in Persona 5 Scramble than in Persona 5 Royal.

Royal has Paid DLCs; Scramble (Almost) Doesn’t

Persona 5 Royal is a DLC fest, a clear reflection of everything wrong with games nowadays. Meanwhile, Scramble has almost zero DLC. The only thing you can buy are BGMs from past Persona games, and these were included in first-print copies. In fact, Scramble gives you free stuff. If you sadly already fell for the meme and own Persona 5 Royal on PS4, Scramble will detect the game’s save and automatically unlock the BGMs “Last Surprise” and “Take Over.”

Meanwhile, on Nintendo Switch, both BGMs unlock if you have a Super Smash Bros. Ultimate save, regardless of whether you bought the Joker DLC or not. This is all thanks to Based Sakurai. Personally speaking, I initially lost hope when he first ceded to demands by not including Mai Shiranui in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. Thankfully now, it seems there is still hope for Japan, and the country doesn’t need to remember Pearl Harbor for the third time.

Persona 5 Scramble has a better localization than Persona 5 Royal

Last but not least, Persona 5 Scramble is also the superior game when it comes to localization. The original Persona 5 was in English, sure. But Persona 5 Royal adds localizations in French, Spanish, German, and Italian. As a weeb gamer, I believe diluting the superior, divine lunar runes and making them accessible to so many different people is blasphemy.

To crown it all, Persona 5 Royal‘s dialogues were CENSORED in the west, alternating the original vision of Atlus. By doing this, Atlus West not only cheated the game, they cheated themselves.

Meanwhile, Persona 5 Scramble‘s localization is perfect, the best I’ve ever seen in my life as a gamer. As you can see on the screenshot above (featuring Kuon again, I told you, she’s a 10/10 waifu), the translation keeps Koei Tecmo’s perfectly-crafted story intact. All the honorifics are in there, as well as the kanji. Atlus West should definitely keep Persona 5 Scramble‘s localization team for future projects.

In conclusion, you now know why Persona 5 Scramble is the superior game in every way. With its Unneeded Opinions, forced political agenda, and a disappointing new waifu, Persona 5 Royal is an affront to the history of Japanese gaming I wouldn’t recommend to anyone. Persona 5 Scramble is the way to go.

Listen to your own persona deep inside your heart and be sure to vote with your wallet when the time comes. Would you rather push forward this type of agenda in Japanese games, or make Persona great again? The ball is on your court now.

At the very least, rest assured that even in these dire times, DualShockers will always be here (at least every April 1st) to bring to you unfiltered, uncensored Japanese games coverage, so be sure to follow us on Twitter and YouTube.