@CryptoDale

I am laying in my bed, hands behind my head, staring at the ceiling. Do I really want to make that trek upstairs and talk to my parents? I’ve tried to yell their names a couple times to get them to come down to my room, but I get no response. It’s been so long since I’ve seen them. I haven’t talked to my mom in forever. What are they going to think about my latest adventure in crypto? Will they like CryptoStreet Podcast? Will they think Whale Reports is a good publication? God only knows what they are going to think of my Twitter.

The last time I talked to my mom was when she came home on her lunch break. So much has changed. Oh, wait, snap out of it Dale. This is real life, not crypto. Ok, we Gucci. I roll out of bed, throw a shirt on and walk up the steps. My mom is waiting with a tray of lemonade and her famous monster cookies. My dad’s sitting in the typical “dad chair” that every single house has. He cracks open a Coors Light (cringe).

(Full disclosure: this interview doesn’t really pertain to Crypto that much. As you can see, I try and draw it back in at times, and it fails.)

Dale: Morning.

Father (To save confusion of dad/Dale, I went with this): Dale, it’s 3 PM, what the hell do you mean “Good Morning”?

Mom: Dale, I’ve got some lemonade and your favorite, freshly baked monster cookies! (Gives me a hug)

D: Thanks mom, I’ll take 6 cookies and a 2-liter of lemonade. Dad.

F: Do you need something? The Cub’s game is on.

D: Well Dad, as you know, I am a content contributor for this newsletter called Whale Reports and have actually gotten a lot of people wanting me to interview you guys.

F: Content contributor? What the hell is wrong with your generation? We used to call them journalist, writers, or reporters. Are we going to be talking about that fake internet money shit?

D: Well, that was part of it I guess. I really don’t know what the people want or why they want me to interview you so bad. Did you look over my Twitter account, listen to some podcasts, and read some of my previous interviews like I told you to?

F: Yeah, you’re an idiot.

M: Dale, I think you are very talented. I wish you would clean your mouth up on the podcast and on your Twitter account thing.

F: Yeah, you dipshit.

D: Ok, ok, I’ll admit my Twitter is a little out of control. But seriously, did you guys watch those videos or read those articles that I sent to you about crypto?

F: No

M: I tried Dale, but it’s just so confusing. How can you have a currency but not physically hold it?

F: (Mom’s name redacted for my privacy), it’s a damn scam. I’ve never heard of something that you can buy shit with that’s nonexistent.

D: Dad, it’s not a scam, I can assure you that. (Mom walks into the kitchen to answer the phone)

F: Ok, now that she’s gone. I went ahead and bought some AirSwap, Sen, Monero and Dragon. When moon, Dale? I’m getting sick and tired of this shit and if… (Mom walks in)

M: Telemarkers, those people are so persistent.

(Dad holds his finger to his mouth to be quiet, while I mouth, “What the f&%$?”)

M: So back to these crypto things. I have heard all they do is fund terrorists and are used for drugs.

D: Well no, to be honest mom. The USD funds more terrorists and is more widely used for illegal drugs.

F: Yeah, that’s an easy stumper. It’s because there’s more of it and it’s more widely accepted, dumbass.

D: True, but crypto has this negative perception because its early use cases were for gambling, PC games, and yes, illegal drugs. No one ever talks about the first two on the list, but they always reference the negative. People fail to mention how Dogecoin helped send the Jamaican bobsled team to the Olympics… did you know that?

M: Not like the movie, right?

D: No, this was in the 2014 Winter Olympics.

M: Wow, that’s really cool.

F: That is pretty neat. I’ve got to use the head. (Leaves the room)

M: Well now that your father is gone Dale. I want to give you some cash and will you buy some crypto for us? Just put it in some long term investment that you like and don’t touch it. Ok?

D: (Laughing) Yeah, sure thing Mom. I’ll find you something worthwhile.

F: (Walks back in room) Alright, let’s go start the grill, Dale, and have some cocktails.

D: Deal.

See, I told you this wasn’t going to be anything great. It’s funny how my parents both put on a show not knowing the other is actually interested in crypto. It got brought up at supper that my dad had already put some money into stuff and then my mom laughed and said she gave me cash to put into it. I told them I liked their bags and they seemed pretty ecstatic. I also asked if they talk about this with their friends and they said that Bitcoin gets brought up occasionally but nothing more is said.

There you have it! You got a glimpse into my parent’s lives.

Tip your waitress.

Also published on Medium.