Extended Log of SCP-2444 Vendors

This is an extended log of reoccurring vendors found within SCP-2444. New entries are to be added using the template below.

Discovered by: Field Agent Virtanen

Name Given: Karen

Description: Female California condor (Gymnogyps californianus). Communicates using a portable text-to-speech device that it operates using its toes. Both wings appear to have suffered severe bone fractures in the past which have healed improperly, greatly limiting its flight capability.

Common items sold: Unpackaged strips of beef jerky.

A large piece of dried wood, inscribed with unknown writing. Despite claiming that the item is for sale, the vendor ignores all attempts to purchase it or further questions about the item or its price. Attempts to touch the object causes the vendor to become severely agitated.

Small wooden crosses, each with a roughly cross-shaped mass of living muscle tissue stapled to it. Genetic testing indicates that the tissue is sourced from various coyotes (Canis latrans)

Empty sheets of white A4 paper. Sheets are frequently stained with dirt, ink, dust, or engine oil.

Name Given: None

Description: Female human of Inuit descent, aged approximately 7-8. Has an extraneous arm beginning from the left elbow, covered in burn scars appearing chemical in nature. Frequently indicates that her position as a vendor is temporary and that she is waiting for an individual in a position of authority over her to replace her, and that this individual has forbidden her from stating her name or the name of this individual. Fluent in Inuktitut, French, Russian, and English.

Common items sold: Postcards depicting various locations in an unknown city. Images most commonly depict decrepit buildings from a large variety of cultures and architectural styles being consumed by living tissue, as well as tall spires and ziggurats consisting of similar tissue underneath rose-colored skies. All postcards are labeled in a as-of-yet untranslated language.

Large bags of dog food, most of which either match no known brand or match brands which are discontinued.

Live moon jellyfish (Aurelia aurita) stored in a large water-filled glass jar. Vendor will occasionally remove a jellyfish from the jar and inspect it, before either returning it to the jar, throwing it onto the ground and stomping on it, or consuming it.

Various unlabeled pills, a vast majority of which are either inert or contain varying dosages of various types of androgenic-anabolic steroids, both known and unknown.

Name Given: Caesar, Calvin, Callum (Frequently alternates between these names)

Description: Automaton constructed out of various often decrepit computer parts assembled around a humanoid frame.

Common items sold: Jewelry poorly modified to include imagery associated with the Steampunk subculture or the Church of the Broken God.

Heavily damaged screwdrivers, some unusable.

Various instruction manuals for electronic devices, most of which are unreadable due to large amounts of apparent translation errors, and most of which contain subtle memetic agents meant to induce admiration for the electronics industry. The functions of most of the devices depicted in these manuals is unknown.

Instances of SCP-2534 sold as collector's items

Name Given: Mr. Jeffers

Description: Animate, humanoid mass of lint wearing a ski suit, gloves, a knitted beanie, and large black sunglasses. Claims that "Mr. Jeffers" is a pseudonym, but refuses to elaborate on its reason not to reveal its full name.

Common items sold: Various items of clothing, often disproportionately sized for humans.

Table fans.

Name Given: Charlotte

Description: Female human of unknown descent suffering from generalized hypertrichosis. Speaks with a British accent

Common items sold: Glass bottles containing various types of juice and soda, with most branding indicating products found nowhere in baseline reality. All bottles have been opened, emptied, refilled with a different liquid than the branding would indicate, and then resealed before sale. Most are contaminated with various bacterial pathogens.

Various severely rusted metal objects.

Various potted houseplants, most matching no known terrestrial species. All are in poor health.

Discovered by: Dr. Garcia

Name Given: "Unit Five Charlie Three Seven Victor Tango Tango[Redacted for brevity; full name appears to consist of several thousand words]

Description: Hovering bluish iridescent sphere composed of an unknown ceramic-like material, approximately 88 cm in diameter. Occasionally emits sounds that resemble electrostatic crackling. Communicates by generating pulses of directed heat that produce burn marks on nearby solid surfaces, those marks taking the form of machine-readable bar codes.

Common items sold: Hexagonal glass vials of various fluids including anhydrous ammonia, salt water in various concentrations, and 1-methyl-naphthalene

Cubic blocks of bismuth metal

Discs of a metal chemically identical to copper-iridium, but composed of antimatter. Stored in appropriately-shielded container

Live squirrels

Discovered by: Error: Field temporally unanchored.

Name Given: Martin Cooper

Description: A humanoid in a HAZMAT suit of unknown make and model connected to an oxygen tank and re-breather all of which are seemingly military grade. The hood has a clear section around the eyes but is obscured by what he claims are dried bodily fluids. Subject will not elaborate on why he is wearing the suit and refuses to take it off.

Common items sold: Jars containing preservation fluid and DNA from several species of fish.

Highly worn Geiger counters.

Hand-held sprayers filled with either hydrochloric acid or gasoline.

Small knives.

Name Given: N/A

Description: A coin-operated robotic arm with a display used to pick out items on the table that it seemed to identify using bar-codes on each product. Becomes hostile when items are taken without payment.

Common items sold: Melted ice-cream sandwiches.

Exact replicas of a single one dollar bill. Notably coasts two dollars.

Dead potted corn stalks.

Human hair matching no known humans preserved in amber. Genetic analysis of the hair indicates that all of it has alopecia.

Discovered by: Field Researcher Hansen

Name Given: Antimemetic concept; analogous to "aged"

Description: Monolithic structure composed of what appears to be worn stone, with black markings covering most of vendor’s surface. Vendor’s body is cracked, and markings are usually worn or otherwise obscured. Communicates solely with cognitohazardous symbols, drawn on a sheet of paper by unknown means.

Common items sold: Bladed implements, apparently intended to be used as weapons. All incorporate non-Euclidean geometry in design, and cannot be used by humanoid organisms without inflicting grievous physical harm to the wielder. Usually corroded or otherwise damaged.

Unknown conceptual item. Trigger or purpose not disclosed by vendor.

Worn paper boxes, filled with card stock pieces. Pieces display unknown cognitohazards. Apparently intended for pain relief.

Glass bottles, filled with preserved maggots.

Uncooked pizza slices, frozen.

Discovered by: Field Agent Virtanen

Name Given: Charles, Anne, Zaar-Visyat

Description: A suit of 19th-century heavy diving gear, which constantly leaks small amounts of water. Inhabited by at least three separate conscious entities capable of speech. "Charles" speaks with a slight American Southern accent with its voice originating from the helmet of the diving gear, and is the one to sell items and answer questions about merchandise. "Anne" speaks with an accentless female voice originating from the right forearm of the diving gear, and speaks mostly to the other consciousnesses, only speaking to others about matters not concerning merchandise such as answering questions about directions or giving life or relationship advice. "Zaar-Visyat" speaks with a loud androgynous voice with a heavy accent of unknown origin, its voice originating from the left thigh of the diving gear. It generally remains quiet or mumbles incoherently, only speaking during rare occasions, including when individuals attempt to haggle or steal merchandise. A fourth entity, "Alan", has been referred to but never spoken, and its existence has not been confirmed.

Common items sold: Decorative concrete starfish

Extreme sports magazines, several describing sports unknown to baseline reality often utilizing equipment of unknown function or purpose. Many of these magazines show water damage.

Fishing poles

Sea-Monkeys brand brine shrimp (Artemia salina) intended to be kept as novelty aquarium pets. Instances develop normally until approximately 25-31 days after hatching, after which they will cluster together in groups of five, emit small amounts of smoke, and then expire from severe cerebral haemorraghing

Name Given: Annelise, Edelfäldt

Description: "Edelfäldt" appears to be a human female of African descent, while "Annelise" appears to be a human female of Slavic descent swarmed by a large amount of moths of unknown species. The vendor does not appear inconvenienced by this, despite the moths often covering her face or hands. Vendors are logged together due to sharing a stand and merchandise.

Common items sold: Collections of taxidermied butterflies, several of which match no known terrestrial species.

Mattresses. Sleeping on them causes the sleeper to show various signs commonly associated with nightmares such as movements and vocalizations throughout the sleep cycle, but all sleepers who have been allowed to wake up on their own have reported no memories of any dreams as well as being unusually well rested, while sleepers who have been woken up by external factors report persistent nightmares. No anomalies in the contents of these nightmares have been noted.

Various notebooks and ledgers, most partially filled with incomprehensible writings or drawings of fractal shapes.

Dried flowers. "Edelfäldt" occasionally attempts to consume these flowers before being playfully discouraged by "Annelise"

Names, inscribed directly onto the desk. Purchasing one of these names causes it to vanish from the surface of the desk, and all humans who know the buyer by their full name to be able to identify the buyer by the name purchased in addition to their previous name.

Name Given: Sir Ephraim Jeremiah Adlerforth III Esq.

Description: An approximately 6.2 m long red cephalopodean tentacle, extending out of a black, roughly spherical spatial anomaly approximately 0.7 m in diameter. Vendor's voice originates from beyond the spatial anomaly, and is slightly distorted.

Common items sold: Swords, knives, and various other bladed weapons. Vendor claims that these items are of great sentimental value to it, and is often reluctant to sell them.

Single unpackaged matchsticks

Cast iron bowls and chalices

Small humanoids seemingly made out of flame, trapped within transparent glass bottles. Entities do not react to outside stimuli, devoting most of their time to unsuccessful attempts to break the bottles using their fists. Opening the bottles causes the entity within to vanish.

Skulls of unknown hominids

Discovered by: Field Agent Wilson

Name Given: Δ

Description: An HP 15 brand laptop running Windows 10 OS, operated by two robotic hands that terminate into wires that are plugged into the mouse and headphone ports. Communicates via opening WordPad and typing.

Common items sold: Various broken sci-fi themed toys manufactured in the 1950s

Electronic Magazines, the majority of which suffer from burn damage

Approximately five thousand copies of the novel Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, all printed entirely in binary.

Human skeletons composed of discarded computer components.

Copies of SCP-1314

Discovered by: Field Agent Jed

Name Given: Sergeant Major Corporal Lieutenant Colonel General (Ordering of names varies)

Description: Male of British descent wearing a heavily tattered military uniform. Various firearms appear to have fused into the entity, causing it a great amount of distress and limiting its ability to speak

Common items sold: Various firearms, which the entity pulls out of its body. Approximately 82% of these firearms are instances of SCP-127

Black-and-white photographs of humans in tattered military uniforms and formal wear being led through concrete tunnels by animate masses of vegetation

Various types of ammunition, most corresponding to no known firearm

The corpse of a human male wearing a tattered military uniform. Cause of death varies greatly, with the most common causes being gunshot wounds, third-degree burns, crushing, and the petrification of internal organs. The vendor will occasionally caress this corpse and weep.

Bars of chocolate resembling the kind issued to US soldiers as rations

Plastic action figures of soldiers in military uniforms, a vast majority of which show non-human physiology such as missing or extraneous limbs or facial features.

Pieces of scrap metal, most of which are inscribed with names. Purchasing one will cause the buyer to forget about all individuals with the inscribed name

Discovered by: Field Agent Ayane

Name Given: Martin Chubblewitz

Description: A single axolotl, which is much larger than average, being one (1) meter long and thirty-five (35) centimeters tall. It appears to float in the air through the means of an unknown mechanism. When asked about this, it only responds with "magic". It communicates in english, in an Australian accent, although it is unclear how speaking is achieved by it, as axolotls lack the necessary vocal cords to do so.

Common items sold: Compilation books of Garfield comic strips

Glass jars filled with various types of jellyfish

Valentine's day cards, identical in appearance to SCP-4095 but not retaining the original anomalous attributes

Various paper maps of Nouakkchott, the capital city of Mauritania

Candles that, when lit, give off a faint scent similar to that of lavender

Discovered by: Field Agent Evans

Name Given: SCP-173

Description: A poorly-remade concrete and rebar statue similar in design to SCP-173. Noticeable differences include a small camera and control device, the inability to kill by snapping necks, and a voice which has been corresponded to the PoI dado.

Common items sold: Various types of nuts including almonds, pistachios, peanuts being the main sold

The entirety of SCP-3220

dado products such as SCP-3521, parts of SCP-888-EX, and mainly various copies of SCP-4610.

Discovered by: Field Agent Fredrickson

Name Given: Humphrey Dumphrey

Description: A 1.002 meter tall animatronic figure of a vaguely human egg with a computer-screen face. The face is expresses simple expressions, and has simple cartoonish facial features except for its eyes which are overly detailed and human-like. It wears a pair of green overalls, an Alpine hat, and a pair of wooden clogs.

Common items sold: Hard boiled ostrich eggs

Printed copies of the children's story Humpty Dumpty written in English

A plush toy of the egg from the video game series Pokemon

Green ceramic penguins with blue chests.

Printed pictures of chicken and duck eggs.

Discovered by: Researcher Douglas

Name Given: George Oliver Ingrid

Description: A 2.5 meter tall white male with a creamy white stovepipe hat, purple tie, and white pinstripe suit. Design on suit and tie shows logos for various GOIs, and the logos on the suit seem to change every time it is back into line of sight. Facial features include beady black eyes, a small rounded nose and a plastic, toy-like mustache. No other hair is visible. Small plastic figures of the Little Misters by Dr. Wondertainment

Stickers of the logo for Gamers Against Weed

Plush toys of Finn the Falcon, Mascot of Anderson Robotics

Posters for Herman Fuller's Circus of the Disquieting

Two-by-five paper cards with the words "Are We Cool Yet?" written in sharpie

Discovered by: Researcher Svennson

Name Given: Steve, Alex

Description: A humanoid figure resembling a Minecraft player. The skin appears to be split down the middle; half of the skin is a “Steve” skin and the other half is an “Alex” skin.

Common items sold: A bootleg CD copy of the game Minecraft, where an entity resembling SCP-4335 constantly follows the player around.

5 different pickaxes resembling ones from Minecraft: a wooden one, a stone one, an iron one, a gold one, and a diamond one.

An egg-shaped object resembling the “Dragon Egg” from Minecraft.

Discovered by: Dr. Gaol