There’s a popular misconception that millennials are lazy, entitled and whiners. We’re also told that we’re nothing more than a sex-obsessed generation who are constantly at it like rabbits. But although we’re more progressive than generations before us in terms of being sex-positive, we aren’t having as much sex as many would like to believe, because of stress and anxiety.

In a new survey of just over 2,000 people for the BBC, 45% of adults said they had experienced negative impact on their sex life due to stress; 32% of people said their physical health was a factor; while 26% named mental health issues as the cause. You might think this just affects older people, but it follows other studies, such as a 2015 study by Dr Jean Twenge, which found millennials were having less sex, with fewer sexual partners, in comparison with our parents’ generation when they were our age. And another survey, from September, found 25% of couples in their 30s have a “sexless” relationship – but 77% of those aged 30 to 34 say their partner would like to have more sex.

So exactly why aren’t we ripping each others clothes off like Generation X and the baby boomers once did? After all, we are the ones who put up the fight to become more sexually liberated: we’re moving away from slut-shaming, and talking more about what consent should look like in and outside of the bedroom. What’s more, we’ve even been dubbed the hook-up generation – perhaps just one with no one to hook up with.

The truth, for many of us, is that we’re simply stressed out and at our wits’ end, with a million things on our minds that could be interfering with our libidos. We’re worried about finding a stable job, our university loan debt, moving out of our parents’ homes and more. Don’t let the colour aesthetic of our Instagram layouts fool you – we’re slightly freaking out and don’t really have it together.

When there’s so much on your mind, there’s a huge chance that your sex drive won’t exactly go through the roof. Our bodies create stress hormones such as cortisol, and as we try to get rid of them, the sex mechanisms in our bodies practically go into hiding, allowing us to tackle the more serious problems for survival, lowering our libido.

Earlier this year, I found myself in that position. As someone who was quite sexually active in my relationship, I noticed a dip in my libido. Was sex not as exciting for me any more? Did I need to be wined and dined? It was neither. My anxiety had played a part, forcing me to sexually shut down. The thought of being touched left a knot in my stomach, and initiating sex was the last thing on my mind.

It’s not just stress. There are a multitude of reasons why sex among millennials and the younger generation is on a downward spiral. Some experts have suggested that excessive porn consumption could be leading to “sexual anorexia” in men, leading to a general drop in libido and then difficulties getting an erection. There is also a study in 2011 which highlighted that porn could be playing a part in why some men may not be having a healthy sex life.

It’s easy to assume a lower libido is something that sets in when you get older. But younger millennials face libido-quashing pressures too, from trying to get on the property ladder, to having young kids, to mental health issues. It’s important we promote being sexually liberated and positive, but low millennial libido is a taboo we also need to break.

• Dami Olonisakin is the founder and editor of sex and relationship platform Simply Oloni