I bet if I were to ask you what you want out of life, you'd say (in one form or another) that you want to be happy. I'd also venture that if I were to press you and ask what happiness looks like to you, that you'd have a hard time answering.

I confronted the same issue recently while speaking with a friend. She challenged me and asked me to describe what happiness in my life r-e-a-l-l-y looked like.

At first, I was a bit stumped. Upon further examination I realized something profound.

While I always wished for happiness, I had never defined what that happiness would entail in my life.

There are three important things happening here.

1. You need to define what makes you happy before you can ever become truly happy.

If you don't define what that happiness looks like, you'll remain stuck. Most likely pursuing what makes others happy.

Here is a simple exercise my friend did with me that helped me, and that may help you define what makes you happy.

I value ______ because I need_______and ______.

Example: I value authenticity because I need honesty and truth.

When you define what makes you happy, you'll notice something. None of these things will feel like your old idea of happiness.

2. Happiness doesn't always make you happy.

After my conversation with my friend, I realized that much of what makes me happy isn't the stuff that most people think happiness is.

These things that make us happy have nothing to do with mansions or Ferraris. Nothing to do with public adoration and the like. Certainly nothing to do with laughing all the time, and skipping down the street.

True happiness for me entailed the tiniest things in my life. I bet it's the same for you too.

Honesty and truthfulness make me happy. So I seek authenticity in the interactions in my life.

At work, I seek collaboration, community and presence to bring me joy. Throughout my workday, time to focus, have space and freedom to do the work I love makes me happy.

In my social life, I enjoy surrounding myself with people who bring positive energy into my life. I also seek those who challenge and intrigue me. Those people make me happy.

At home, spending time with my daughters and wife makes me happy. That time can be as simple as taking a walk with them. Or laying down and watching a movie with them.

You can see the trend. Sadly, no models, and no champagne bottles.

3. By defining what happiness looks like for you, you can create rails for everything your life.

You will create a clarity and purpose in your life which you never had before. Once you gain clarity on your own happiness, you take ownership of your own happiness. You will stop living someone else's dream. Deciding where to spend your time and energy will become clearer.

I used to wrestle with certain business opportunities. Now I know which opportunities make me happy.

For example: If the opportunity entails a great deal of money, but my happiness criteria aren't met, I don't even have to think about working with them. I can pass on the opportunity with a clarity and precision I've never experienced before in my career and in my life.