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Day One (New Year’s Eve)



9am: Wake up and go to brunch with someone who is about to ghost me. We think momentarily about ordering porridge but then decide it’s New Year's Eve and if you can't order £12.50 eggs on NYE, when can you? I insist on paying, not only for both our breakfasts but also for an overpriced juice drink neither of us actually wants. Panic silently as the waitress approaches our table that my debit card will get declined, so put it on my credit card. £32



4pm: Go and pick up NYE coke...about £70. I actually only have £33 [in my bank account], so I have to get the rest out on my credit card and pay the £3 charge.*



6.05pm: Pop out to buy a packet of fish fingers, a Coke and some salt and vinegar McCoys to line the stomach. £3.50



9pm: Get to the pub. Immediately buy a round of tequila shots for myself, two friends plus someone who is not really my friend but has just come back from living in Japan, so I feel, inexplicably, that I love him. I am full of cheer. £32.89



10.15pm: Beers and a shot. £11.50



11.05pm: Jägerbombs. £23



Sometime around 11.30pm: Go to the bar and realise I have lost my purse. Feel warm glow of certainty it will turn up so don't look for it. In retrospect, I realise losing my purse at this point in the night saved me at least £100 and was probably one of the top five things that happened to me in 2017.



12.30am: Order an Uber to another pub. Sadly my lost card is still connected to my Uber account so it doesn't affect my ability to order Ubers. People ask to split-fare with me but I shout "No! no!" as if I am some sort of king/oligarch and am insulted by the very idea of splitting. £26



3am: Another Uber. To Tottenham. This time my order is rejected because I've run out of money. Somebody else pays.



5am: Uber to Dalston. Again I can’t pay.



9.30am: Taken home by kindly friend in an Uber. He pays.



Total: £201.89