Seen here looking pissed as hell, Manuela the red-footed tortoise reluctantly poses for a picture after having gone missing from the Almeida family residence in 1982. Turns out they'd just accidentally locked her in a storage room on the second story of their house for the last 30 years! That, wow, that's just terrible caretaking. Even most pet rocks wouldn't survive that.

...it seems Manuela was hanging out for 30 years in the upstairs storeroom where Leonel Almeida, the father, kept all sorts of old junk he hadn't gotten around to fixing up.

When Leonel died earlier this month, Leandro and his siblings decided to clean out the storeroom, and that's how Manuela came to be by the curb. According to veterinary scientist Jeferson Pires, tortoises like Manuela are remarkably resilient creatures, and can survive two to three years without eating anything. While they typically subsist on an omnivore's diet in the wild, the Almeidas think Manuela got by on termites.

Granted I didn't know some tortoises can go two or three years without eating anything, but what about drinking? Was there some water supply in the room? Did the family never hear her crawling around up there and open the room to check for ghosts? When reached for comment, Manuela the tortoise had this to say, "F*** you guys, let me outside."

Thanks to Hornito, who found his missing hamster after eight years. Wait -- I thought hamsters only live like two? Oh -- oooooh, I'm sorry man.