WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT

Young lawyers at Betoota’s Mauricewood and Jameson’s law firm have today been informed that they should not be following the advice of medical professionals concerned about a global pandemic.

Speaking at a morning address to all junior staff, one of the partners about to head off on a lunch explained that if any employees were feeling the symptoms of Coronavirus they were to self-isolate them in the office for the 12 day period.

“We’ve got everything you need here. Food, drink, exercise, beds under your desks, or the floor as some might call it,” began the partner Hugo Whitely-Smith.

“So if you are feeling sniffly, do not go home and rest, make sure you contain it in here and utilise the fact you can’t do anything on your few free hours away from the office each week to get cracking on the cases you are assigned to right now.”

“If you are genuinely concerned about your health and need to see a medical professional we can arrange to have a GP visit you in the office.”

“Now, as partners, who are the most important people in this firm, we will be working from home for the next couple of weeks to ensure the virus doesn’t spread any further,” said the partner in the firm that is effectively a pyramid scheme.

“We wish you all the best.”