The Cocks are coming.

The University of South Carolina’s football team literally kicks off its season Saturday. If you didn’t already know, you might not believe this: USC’s mascot is a rooster known as a gamecock, and its students cheer on their sports teams with chants of GO COCKS.

The double entendres are inevitable. Which means whenever USC loses a game, the opposing team’s college newspaper loves to run the same damn headline…







It’s played out.

I implore college sports editors to reflect on this question…

This season, how can I make my crude headlines both immature AND informative?

That’s because top-notch journalists don’t simply trot out the same Cocks-sucking cliche each year. They write headlines that offer context as much as cleverness. Here are some hypothetical headlines for specific game scenarios.

USC loses by a missed field goal…

Your school’s offense fights with the USC defense…

Your defense wins with a goal-line stand…

USC’s furious rally falls short…

The University of Tennessee defense is burned by both USC’s running and passing game, while its own running attack is stymied…

Conclusion…

If you’re going to be juvenile, at least be specific and journalistic.