Paddington Railway Station reopened and resumed its services following a terrorist alert caused by a suspicious bear wearing a blue duffel coat and a puffy red hat.

‘We understand that this bear was not armed but may have contained explosives within its warm Winter jacket,’ said a spokesperson for Scotland Yard Police. ‘It is understood that the bear was shot on sight, and a controlled explosion was then carried out on his body. Among the debris found was the remains of a marmalade sandwich, believed to be a possible ingredient in the terrorist’s chemical concoction.’

The bear is understood to be of Peruvian origin, which although has no recorded case of terrorism, is believed be an indicator of the worldwide spread of militant Islamic fundamentalism. A spokesman for Scotland Yard said that their top detectives are now investigating the case, and will begin by trying to establish whether or not bears shit in the woods.

David K