Tim Murphy brings you perhaps the finest court transcript in New Zealand’s long and glorious judicial history.

On January 12 2016 Taranaki Judge Allan Roberts announced his retirement, as reported by the Taranaki Daily News. A man named Troy LaRue found the story on social media, and made an uncomplimentary remark about Roberts’ appearance. Unluckily, he was summonsed to the court for unpaid traffic fines a few days later. Sitting at the bench that day? Judge Roberts.

The following is the previously unpublished transcript of proceedings from the New Plymouth District Court on January 21. Judge Roberts, one week before he retired from the bench, takes the opportunity to make Troy William Henry LaRue face up to his (Facebook) crimes, in what may go down as the second-greatest New Zealand crime story of the year.

See also:

101 Facts that you’re doomed to remember as true

Good c*nts and pōkokohua: What words do New Zealanders find most offensive?

Hunt for the Waitangi Dildo: A Spinoff special investigation

UPDATE:

A Twitter correspondent has unearthed the original Facebook post:

UPDATE 2: The author has filed the below images of the combatants. Judge Roberts is on the left: