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If there’s one thing to count on in this election year, it’s vaguely named groups cynically tapping into our patriotism with shameless appeals to the endangered values bestowed by our founders. Many of the 644 super-PACs registered with the Federal Election Commission have taken advantage of this approach. You’ve no doubt heard about some of them, like the pro-Rick Santorum Red, White & Blue Fund, the failed attempt to Make Us Great Again with Rick Perry, or the ongoing effort to Restore Our Future via Mitt Romney.

In honor of the Fourth of July, a salute to the most patriotic among their lesser-known counterparts:

Article II Super PAC

Here’s a super-PAC so patriotic, it’s named after part of the Constitution. Article II, whose name alludes to the birther theory that President Obama is not a natural-born citizen and is therefore ineligible to be president, is “a small group of fellow Americans, who are sole proprieters of blogs.” That’s important, because “Americans cannot rely on the mainstream media to report on candidates [sic] constitutional eligibility status. Therefore, the responsibility falls on those of us who turned off the news long ago and tuned into the blogosphere—the real American news frontier.” So far, these vanguards of American blogdom have spent $0 against our Kenyan-born usurper.

Restore Our America PAC

If you’re skeptical that the Constitution really says what Article II Super PAC claims, never fear: Just sign up to volunteer for Restore Our America PAC and you’ll receive a free pocket-sized copy to reference for yourself. On the conservative super-PAC’s bald eagle-and-George Washington-adorned website, a cautionary quote attributed to Benjamin Franklin reads, “He that goes a borrowing goes a sorrowing.” Which could explain why Restore Our America has only raised $21,000.



Restoring America Project

Maybe super-PACs ought to leave all the restoring to Restore Our Future. The Restoring America Project sells itself as an “aggressive new type of ‘Super PAC’ called a ‘Hybrid PAC‘” that “has launched to challenge the party establishment and the political status quo,” but so far it’s raised just $1,700. On the plus side, the group has thrown its support behind quintessential American Joe the Plumber (a.k.a. Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher). Its website features a campaign ad of Joe telling a jobless Occupy hippie what’s what.

Freedom Path Action Network

With a name like Freedom Path, what else do you need to know? If your answer is “nothing,” that’s good, because this super-PAC’s website is comprised of little more than a splash screen with a logo of a red path leading toward a bright light—presumably Ronald Reagan’s “shining city upon a hill.” It’s not clear what the Freedom Path Action Network has spent its $100,000 budget on, but its sister organization is the dark-money 501(c)(4) Freedom Path, which spent about $300,000 to help Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) fend off a primary challenger last month.

Super PAC for America

Speaking of Ronald Reagan, his image is just about the only thing to see on the website of Super PAC for America. Bill Clinton advisor-turned-Fox News commentator Dick Morris is the chief strategist of the super-PAC, which was “founded to advocate for a Congress that supports limited government, less taxes, free enterprise, a strong national defense and positive American values.” Super PAC for America has raised, and spent, about $800,000 this election, the majority of which was donated by the conservative League of American Voters.

USA Super PAC

This super-PAC isn’t just for America—it is America. So far, it’s spent all of its cash on Indiana Republican senate candidate Richard Mourdock, funneling $134,000 into his successful effort to knock off incumbent Sen. Dick Lugar in a May primary despite Mourdock’s opposition to a constitutional amendment against flag burning.

Let Freedom Ring America PAC

Let Freedom Ring, “formed to counter the attacks of anti-conservative groups on patriotic candidates,” is about as pro-America as it gets. According to its mission statement, the group promotes limited constitutional government, economic freedom, and traditional values. More importantly, the super-PAC has obtained exclusive footage of Uncle Sam, seen wandering forlornly through a mall and tent city as he begs for change, shedding a tear for the American Dream.