Could I request a friendship story where Eren, Jean, Sasha, Mikasa, Historia and Marco are in detection and Eren and Jean are up to their shenanigans and the teacher in charge comes in to bust them?

tfw u write a fic about an odd assortment of 6 angsty teens only for it to turn into a hannes appreciation fic

This Isn’t the Breakfast Club

104th Trainee Squad. High School AU. 3430 words. Buy me a ko-fi!

Eren hardly waits for Mr. Dawk, the teacher who’s supposed to be looking after them in detention, before he turns around in his seat to smirk at the other unfortunate students who were sentenced to Saturday school with him. Although his peers look glum, Eren looks almost giddy about being in detention. It’s only apparent why when he opens his mouth and asks, “So, is this like the Breakfast Club or what?”

“Only an idiot like you would be excited about getting detention,” Jean mutters under his breath. Mr. Dawk had purposely sat the two hot-headed teens across the room from each other, but distance does little to prevent them from clashing. Jean lifts his head from his hands and tells Eren, “This isn’t a John Hughes film, Jaeger.”

“No, but it could be,” Eren says, not at all bothered by Jean. He rises from his seat, sitting on his desk instead. He grins mischievously at the others who are seated in the room – Mikasa, Marco, Historia, Sasha. “We have all the necessary players too. The jock, the brain, the princess, the weirdo, the handsome rebel,” Eren says, pointing at all of his friends and then back at himself. When he finally gets to Jean, he smirks, “…and the asshole.”

“I don’t remember that being a character in the Breakfast Club,” Jean growls. He begins to rise from his seat, but Marco interrupts them.

“We’re already in detention,” Marco mumbles. He looks nervously at the door as if he expects to see Mr. Dawk walk in at any moment. “It’d probably be best if we didn’t get into any more trouble.”

Sasha smiles at Marco, reaching over her desk to give him a pat on the shoulder. “Oh, Marco. You’re so new to this. It’s like you’re a baby,” she sighs. “Mr. Dawk usually doesn’t come into the classroom unless he thinks we’re up to no good, like if he hears an explosion or whatever. He likes staying holed up in his office where he can send emails to his wife telling her how much he loves her.”

Marco looks over at Jean and mouths, “Emails?”

“Yeah, so we can do whatever we like,” Eren says. He taps his fingers on the chair in front of him and looks eagerly at everyone. “What do you guys want to do? Confess secrets? Share hidden talents? Dance on tabletops? I don’t mind going out of order.”

“I actually liked Sixteen Candles better,” Mikasa says quietly.

“Then let’s do Sixteen Candles!” Eren says. He jumps from the desk and strolls between the aisles. He stops by Historia’s desk and taps on it. “Historia, do you have one of those flower crowns in your locker still?”

“Nope.” The petite blonde doesn’t look up at him. She’s busy painting her nails a light shade of pink. After she’s finished with a nail, she looks up briefly at him as she blows on the polish. “I gave all of mine away after everyone started copying me. It was like they all wanted to form some sort of flower crown cult. Creepy.”

“Ooh, we could do Ferris Bueller,” Sasha says, clasping her hands together. She’s already bouncing up and down in her chair as she thinks of what they could do. “We could skip detention entirely. Maybe we could even go to an amusement park!”

“Sasha, I love the way you think,” Eren says, grabbing her hands and holding them in his.

“I really don’t think that’s a good idea…,” Marco says.

The other three must be used to this because they only roll their eyes as Eren and Sasha continue their fruitless plotting.

“Marco’s right,” Jean says, interrupting Eren and Sasha’s conversation. He finally gets up from his desk, strolling over to where the two plotting students are. “It’s not a great idea. Do you remember what happened last time?”

“Yeah,” Sasha says, nodding enthusiastically. “Eren and I got to reenact all the dances from High School Musical around the school. You know one of our videos got a ton of likes?”

Eren wraps an arm around Sasha’s shoulders and grins at Jean. “It was totally worth the two extra weeks of detention after we got caught.”

“You mean you guys have done this before?” Marco looks pale as a sheet at just the thought of being so rebellious. He seems to have forgotten that these people aren’t necessarily forcing him to join them.

“Let’s do Dirty Dancing next!” Sasha says excitedly. She looks over at Mikasa from across the room. “Mikasa, come and catch me!” She hardly even waits for Mikasa to turn around before running towards the other girl, leaping confidently towards her. To no one’s surprise, Mikasa catches her easily in her arms, lifting Sasha as easily as Patrick Swayze lifted Jennifer Grey during the final scene of the movie.

“Really?” Historia huffs under her breath. She looks up grumpily at Sasha who had nearly knocked a bottle of polish off the blonde girl’s desk when she had taken that leap.

“Eren, did you get that?” Sasha asks. She turns to Mikasa and gives her a big kiss on her forehead. “That was wonderful!”

“Yup! It was great!” Eren says, giving her a thumbs up. To Jean, he whispers, “I didn’t get any of that.”

“Okay,” Sasha says. As Mikasa lowers the brunette down, holding her friend like a bride, Sasha looks over at Eren with a goofy grin on her face and asks, “What’s next?”

“Hack into emails?” Historia suggests, looking up. It’s surprising that she’s proposing anything – she usually just tags along – but she must be bored of watching her nails dry. “Maybe Mr. Ackerman has something interesting in his inbox today.”

“Doubtful,” Mikasa says, rolling her eyes. When the literature teacher had begun teaching at the high school, many had been guessing his relation – if he had any at all – to Mikasa. She quickly informed her schoolmates that he was a distant cousin of hers and that she didn’t care for him at all. “That guy’s so boring. In his spare time, he finds a new way to rearrange his bookshelf – color, author, title, Dewey decimal. Unsurprisingly, his favorite’s the Dewey decimal.” The corner of her lip twitches upward when she sees the confusion on her friends’ faces. “I know.”

“So, breaking into emails is out,” Eren says. He’s at the whiteboard at the front of the room, testing out markers by drawing colorful swirls on the white surface. He decides on a purple marker and looks back at his friends. “What else have you guys got?”

“We could change our grades on that last history exam,” Jean mumbles. He frowns as he remembers the abysmally low score that was emblazoned in red at the top of his test. “That grading was ridiculous.”

Marco’s head in his hands. Despite not really being a part of their schemes, he looks horribly conflicted. “Why does it always have to be something illegal? Why can’t we just play cards or something?” He says it quietly under his breath, but Eren still manages to hear him.

“Ah, it’s just that it’s more fun this way. We tried playing poker once, but Jean got mad and flipped a desk over. We’re not allowed to have cards in here anymore,” Eren tells Marco. He puts a hand up just as Jean is about to argue with him. “And we’ve talked about this. Everyone else has agreed that no one cheated. You’re just a sore loser, Kirstein.”

Jean doesn’t look as if he agrees, but he doesn’t say anything. He just slams his fist on the table and then sucks in the side of his cheek to keep from whining about the pain.

“And besides,” Historia adds, “we tried the whole ‘bonding’ thing. It turns out that it’s not like the Breakfast Club at all. We’re not troubled teens. We’re all just assholes.”

“Most of us are anyway,” Sasha says, but it’s unclear whether she’s referring to herself or someone else. She scoots her seat over to Marco and pats him reassuringly on the shoulder. “It’s alright, Marco. You don’t have to be a part of our shenanigans unless you want to. Although, Dawk might just punish you if the rest of us get caught. Everyone talks about how harsh Shadis is, but Dawk has a sadistic streak somewhere inside of him.”

“Let’s switch all the teacher’s stuff. I bet Levi’ll freak when he sees Zoe’s little knick-knacks cluttering up his desk,” Mikasa says. She looks almost gleeful, and there’s a mischievous glimmer in her eye. “And if we manage to sneak one of her rodents into his desk, I bet he’d lose it.”

“Or – or!” Sasha says. She raises her voice so suddenly that Eren stops in the middle of writing down Mikasa’s proposal to turn around and look at her. She’s so excited that she’s practically jumping out of her seat, walking up to the board so she can propose her plan to Eren. “Or we can raid the cafeteria!”

Jean furrows his brow. “Again?”

“Yeah,” Historia says with a similar expression on her face. “Didn’t we just do that like two detentions ago?”

“You guys have stolen from the cafeteria before?” Marco says in a horrified whisper, but they all ignore him.

“Wait a second,” Eren says, holding out a hand. “Let her finish.”

“They have chocolate pudding this week!” Sasha says, bouncing up and down.

“Jackpot!” Eren holds his hand up for a high-five with Sasha, who gladly reciprocates.

Marco looks around, waiting for one of the others to express their disapproval of the plan, but everyone else looks as if they’re on board. Mikasa is nodding, Jean is smiling, and even Historia looks a little excited.

“Alright, everyone in?” Eren walks in front of the teacher’s desk and puts his hand out. Everyone else follows suit, rising from their seats and placing their hands on his. The group is almost complete save for one person. Eren looks up expectantly at Marco. “Are you in, Bodt? No pressure.”

He should feel relieved that he doesn’t have to be a part of this, and he truly doesn’t feel any pressure to join them. He can just sit at his desk like he was ordered to, but then he’d have to undergo a brutal interrogation if Dawk happened to come back and found that the rest of the students under his care had disappeared. He might as well just do this.

“Alright,” Marco says with a sigh. He places his hand on top of all of theirs. “I’m in.”

“Awesome!” Eren grins. He’s about to turn around and lead them to their treasure – in this case, school-grade chocolate pudding (which is probably the best food that the school has to offer when it comes to school lunches) – when the door opens.

Crap, Marco thinks. Caught already. It’s a little bit of a relief for them to be caught now instead of during their thievery. Maybe they can come up with a reason they were all huddled together – playing Uno, comparing hand sizes, or some cult ritual – but Marco’s sure that Dawk would only think they were making excuses. He looks up expecting to see their teacher fuming at the doorway, but he’s surprised to see Mr. Hannes, the custodian. He’s never really had a personal encounter with the man before. He’s only seen the man scrubbing the halls after school or wiping down cafeteria tables as lunch is ending. He has no idea if Hannes is short-tempered or slow to anger, but he’s thinking it might be the latter from the ecstatic smiles that his peers are giving the custodian.

“Hannes!” Eren says. He must be familiar with the custodian because he holds his arms out wide, wrapping the blond man up in a hug. “What are you doing here?”

“Ah, just checking in to see what kind of trouble you rascals are getting up to,” Hannes says. He gives Mikasa a one-armed hug and greets the others with a wave. He looks over at the board where Eren has written up the plan for this week’s detention, guffawing when he sees the cafeteria heist that is circled in red. “Raiding the cafeteria again? Didn’t you all get caught the last time you did that?”

“Yes, and it was totally worth it,” Sasha grins. She licks her lips as she recalls the scrumptious food they had stolen last time. “Coffee cake? It’s even better when it’s stolen on a Saturday morning.”

“I wouldn’t exactly say it was worth it,” Historia says amusedly. “They did ban coffee cake from our school until we graduate.”

Hannes lets out a low whistle. “That’s rough,” he says with a lopsided grin. He sticks his hands in his pockets. “Hopefully this makes it better, though.” Marco’s eyes nearly pop out of his head when he sees all the chocolate pudding cups that Hannes pulls out of his coat pockets.

“Hannes!” Sasha’s eyes are as big as saucers as she stares at the desserts set in front of her. There are eight laid out – one for everyone and three for Sasha. “How did you manage to get these?”

“Ah, just talked to Agnes and convinced her to sell me a couple for some hungry kids in detention,” Hannes says with a shrug. He pats Sasha’s head when she gives him an excited bear hug. “I thought it would be easier than you guys stealing it.”

“You’re too thoughtful, Hannes,” Mikasa says with a smile, leaning against a desk. “What did any of us ever do to deserve you at this school?”

“If I didn’t have any of you kids to clean up after, I wouldn’t have a job, would I?” Hannes laughs. He looks over at Marco and gives the freckled boy a friendly nod. “Haven’t seen this guy around here before though.”

“He’s new to detention. Marco Bodt, probably the second biggest nerd in this school behind Armin,” Jean says, throwing an arm around Marco. He gives Marco a crooked grin. “Maybe we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other later, huh?”

Marco freezes underneath his classmate’s arm. Sure, these people are nice. He’s had a few group projects with them, and they always manage to pull their own weight, but Marco’s not sure he wants to bond with them every Saturday morning in detention. Sure, the Breakfast Club is a great movie, but he’s not sure he’d feel the same way about it if he had to relive it every week.

“Nah, leave the poor kid alone,” Hannes laughs. He sits down on the teacher’s desk, gesturing for Marco to sit beside him. “These kids, Marco,” Hannes says with a sigh as Marco reluctantly joins him. He gestures at the four students that stand in front of them. “They’re good kids, Marco. Don’t be afraid of them. But don’t waste your Saturdays here when you could be doing something else.”

“Aw, are you disappointed in us, Hannes?” Eren jokes.

“Nah, I kind of like seeing you kids in here.” Hannes ruffles Eren’s head and the boy gives him a grin. “I just think your folks would be pretty disappointed about you kids sitting here withering away when you could be outside studying or just having fun. You think your parents like having you in here?”

Marco’s surprised to see his peers hanging their heads. Even when Mr. Dawk had lectured all of them an hour ago, none of them had seemed the slightest bit ashamed. They had all either looked out the window or stared straight past Mr. Dawk. Even Marco hadn’t felt very bad, only annoyed about being stuck in a room and lumped together with the regular troublemakers. Now listening to Mr. Hannes’ words and being reminded of his own family and his mother’s disappointed expression when he had told her he would be spending time at school on Saturday morning. He hates seeing that look on her face.

“Well, my parents don’t give a shit,” Historia says with a toss of her golden hair. She looks a little smug about being guilt-free, smirking over at her friends who are clearly rethinking their life choices.

Hannes looks over at the girl and raises his eyebrow. “And Frieda?”

Historia blinks in surprise, her mouth opening slightly at the mention of her older sister. She’s about to reply, perhaps say something smart to show that she doesn’t care about her sibling’s opinion, but her bottom lip quivers. In the end, she closes her mouth and casts her eyes downward along with the rest of her friends.

“You’re all good kids,” Hannes says softly. He pushes himself off the desk and stands in front of them, arms outstretched. Mikasa and Eren are the first to go to him, allowing him to envelop them all in a group hug. The others join them as well – Jean, Historia, Sasha – and even Marco finds himself wrapped up in it as well. “You all just have to do better.”

“Well, I don’t know if we can, but we can definitely try,” Eren laughs.

“Then I’ll take that.” Hannes gives them an extra squeeze before letting go. He takes a glance at the clock on the wall and sighs. “Well, I should get going. I still have a few classrooms to vacuum and clean up. Don’t make too much trouble for Dawk, alright?”

“Yes, sir!” they tell him, sending him off with a cheeky salute and a wave. They watch as he disappears down the end of the hall into a classroom before settling down back at the front of the room.

“Is he…real?” Marco can’t help staring at the place where Hannes had once stood with them. He had always known that the custodian was a part of the school, but he had never had a personal experience with the man until now. How had this angel managed to find the time to help the lost souls that have been abandoned in high school hell?

“This school’s totally undeserving of him,” Mikasa says, saying aloud when Marco had just been thinking.

“…Maybe we should do something nice for him.” Sasha has already started on a pudding cup. It only takes her two spoonfuls to be halfway done with it. She licks a smidge of chocolate from the corner of her mouth. “Get him a nice cake or something.”

“Make reservations for him and his wife at a nice restaurant,” Jean says. He points at Sasha, who nods enthusiastically, putting down her pudding to take out her phone and scroll through Yelp for a nice Italian place for Hannes and his wife.

Marco cautiously moves closer to the group, the first time he’s actively tried to join the group after Hannes had come in and talked to them. “That sounds…a lot less illegal than everything else you guys have suggested,” he begins.

“It’s not like we were planning on murdering someone,” Eren says.

“But how are we going to pay for all of this?” Marco asks.

A credit card appears in front of them, held out by Historia Reiss. The others look at her in surprise, but she only shrugs. “I told you. My parents are shitty, so they think the only way to get me to like them is to spoil me rotten. I might as well just use all the money they give me for something nice, right?”

“What a generous queen you are,” Mikasa smirks. Her smile grows when she sees Historia roll her eyes.

“This is great,” Eren sighs. He stands up, hands on his hips, and beams at his friends. “We made a new friend, bonded, and did a good deed for a good person. This is like –“

“This is not like the Breakfast Bunch,” Jean says before Eren can finish.

“You’re right,” Eren says. “Because we are better than the Breakfast Bunch. We’re like…the…”

“Lunch Bunch,” Sasha chirps before returning to her phone conversation securing a reservation for Hannes.

“The Dinner Crew?” Jean says, wrinkling his nose.

“The Six Assholes?” Mikasa says. She arches an eyebrow at Marco, who can only shrug helplessly. It seems he’s a part of this now.

“I love it,” Eren says, shooting finger guns at Mikasa. He gathers them all in a group hug and says proudly, “This is the first and last meeting of the Six Assholes in Saturday school detention!” And if Niles Dawk hadn’t opened the door right at that moment, it might have been.