Barney Bubbles

The Ian Dury Cocktail Cabinet, 1981

Estimate: $3,000–$4,600

This New Wave cocktail cabinet, from the mind of zippy British graphic designer Barney Bubbles, is, like, so totally bitchin’ that Mr. Belding probably would have let Zack Morris drink a gin and tonic from it at the Max.

© Christie’s Images Limited 2015

A Murano (La Murrina) Glass Bowl with Trompe L’oeil Fruit and Vegetables

Second half 20th century

Estimate: $2,300-$3,400

The problem with fruits and vegetables is that they go bad, and in your home, which you haven’t left since your lover took your money and left you at the altar, there isn’t anymore room for rotting produce, especially with that five-tier cake decomposing in the center of the table. The solution is this bowl of 33 glass varieties, from pineapple to squash, that only need a little dusting every Christmas or so, when you send your wedding dress out to the dry cleaner.

Not pictured: A Chastity Belt (or Girdle of Venus)

19th Century

Estimate: $1,100–$1,500

Too risqué to be shared with the media (you can enlarge and zoom in on it here), this vintage chastity belt, built entirely of iron—for when your petty masculine nerves aren’t—is a fortress of virginity makes an ideal bachelorette-party gift (or a little something to send the gals off to Bryn Mawr with).

Not pictured: French School, 18th Century

Estimate: $4,600-$7,600

As the Internet beget Internet porn, with the Age of Enlightenment along came elaborate erotic art, like this unsigned oil painting, Ménage a trois, mysteriously not pictured here. The perfect gift for your auntie with failing eyesight, who will love this portrait of three friends watching Netflix and chilling together.

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