Dr. Drews Birthday, Adam gives gift of gas.

Doc Drew's birthday, Adam has best gas night ever.

It's Drew's birthday! For his present, Adam gives him really bad gas, starting right at the beginning of the show.

Caller (Jeff) put a chain down his urethra and thinks it reached his bladder. The chain went all the way down and he can't get it out. Drew busts out the pictures and shows how it can't reach the bladder.

Drew leaves the room after this call after a bad fart from Adam. Anderson berates Adam with drops and Adam gets pissed. Adam is laughing so much he's almost dry heaving.

A caller has a bent penis. In the middle of this call, Drew leaves the room again and Anderson comes in to get his headphones. He returns for the next caller (Jen), who thinks she has syphillis. Adam hangs up on her for not answering a question correctly.

Chrissy, 17, has abnormal menstrual bleeding.

Ann brings pie into the studio.

Ryan calls in. This is the guy who called in when Queens of the Stone Age was on, claiming he saw them in Arizona... but they were never in Arizona. His friends listened to the show and now think he's a huge idiot. He's calling in trying to rectify the situation.

Adam does a hilarious impersonation of himself to announce Drew's birthday: "He's 62 years... young, AH HA HA! AH HA HA, HA HA HA! Yeah.." Meanwhile, Drew starts having Ann bring in matches and lysol to fend off the vicious gases. He goes throughout three matchbooks before the episode is over.

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INCOMPLETE TRANSCRIBING

LOVELINE 2000-09-04

ADAM CAROLLA and DR DREW

0000 INTRODUCTION

[botched intro; laughter over Adam's pre-show fart]

DD "Oh, the humanity!"

AC "Let me enjoy my gas... Drew, shut that door."

[introduction]

AC announces it's Drew's 43rd birthday

0320 DEAN, 18

Gay friend denies playing head-games, trying to turn him gay

AC-no sit-down necessary; give space as a consequence for behaviour

0435 JEFF, 14

Threaded a beaded-chain down urethra but it slipped into bladder, still urinates normally

DD-have it retrieved by a urologist.

suggests people who insert foreign objects into body are usually disturbed

AC farts, DD leaves room

AC "Get in here, do your job!"

0820 JEREMY, 16

Penis curves 45 degrees to the left, wants it straightened

DD-not abnormal

[AC farts]

AC "Oh my God. Drew, as a doctor, make a diagnosis on this... oh, I wish Jimmy was here."

AC "That ain't normal, is it?... Drew's not on mic, he's gagging in the corner."

DD "Adam. Not. Normal. Human. Emission."

DD-800 units Vitamin E/day. Operations cut elongated side like a pie/wedge

DD-don't be concerned unless having difficulty with erection

1325 JEN, 21

[DD begins call behind glass of engineer studio]

Swollen throat and rash after kiss

AC-predicts she's good looking by her horrible attitude, ends call.

AC-theory: nobody humbles good-looking chicks by telling them to shut up

[AC begins rant, farts into microphone, announces DD is gagging in hallway]

1725 KRISSY, 17

Menstrual bleeding doesn't clot, has tissue chunks

AC-mutters his microphone now smells

DD "Any chance you're pregnant?" (No.)

DD-Unless there is pain, it's likely just the way you're developing

2000 RENE, 16

Previous caller: Mom's BF was making sexual references towards her

Should she remain living with her 20yr old BF?

AC "I give it my blessing"

DD "You still need a parent to launch you into adulthood."

DD-make sure your needs are attended to in the relationship

2415 AUSTIN, 17

Recommends Jimmy Kimmel as AC's fill-in host [Kimmel drop]

Made brownies with fish tank blue dye so friends could pee blue

DD "Oh my god!" x2

AC "That is fascinating work."

2540 RYAN, 16

Previous caller: hallucinated at QOTSA concert

GF recorded LL episode and played it for friends who now think he's "retarded"

AC-don't exacerbate it. "Lay low, things blow over."

2755 JUSTIN, 14

Caller learned his friend's ex- was unfaithful; fingered twice. Should he tell friend?

DD-they are all ex-relationships. "It's not any of your business."

2955 ADAM, 15

Is marihuana affecting his medication?

350mg depakote, 100mg zoloft, been on trazodone/ambien/clonopan...

DD-won't experience significant mood stabilization when smoking pot

AC-your brain isn't working as well as it should, don't screw it up with the pot

DD-if you're an addict, get that treated because it might be the underlying problem

AC-do what your doctors tell you, work on yourself, and don't smoke the weed

3200 TONY, 14

Has problem w/ nipples: they look like a circle with a folding-in nipple crease

AC on scratchpad "Your nipples are spherical?"

DD "Normal."