This article describes and analyzes the form and function of the term ‘nosebleed’ as it is used by speakers in the contemporary Philippine linguistic scene. ‘Nosebleed’ operates as a metapragmatic, semiotic stance marking device used to bracket various kinds language/s in relation to concepts of high sociocultural value in the archipelago: local concepts of the commensurability of language- and person-types, and culturally-enregistered joking styles that mitigate hiya, or ‘shame’ in interaction. This analysis draws from popular discourses to outline the ideological foundations of the term and goes on to examine its social and linguistic effects to theorize the ways that homegrown metapragmatic tools such as ‘nosebleed’ can shape varieties of language over time.