“The facilities are shocking”

Every League of Ireland fan has heard this at some point in time. It is one of the popular one liners that so many ‘football’ people in Ireland use to justify staying away from League of Ireland matches..

The question I ask them next reveals much to me about the people who use this excuse for a reason not to attend matches when questioned as to why they don’t attend.

“What League of Ireland grounds have you attended?”

(Shocking facilities? Turners Cross. Home of Cork City FC)

I have found that 99 times out of 100 they will admit to never attending a League of Ireland game. Ever. The one person who has attended a game is worth listening to and continuing a conversation with. The 99 people who have never passed through the turnstile at one of our eclectic grounds scattered around our wee island lose my attention almost straight away and I would much prefer it and admire them a little more, if they were honest from the outset instead of spitting out the well rehearsed, over-used phrase that makes no sense whatsoever if we apply the same logic to everyday life.

“I don’t give a shit about the League of Ireland”

This would be the honest answer as to why the ’99’ don’t attend League of Ireland fixtures. Honesty is not their best attribute though. Most of them can’t even be honest with themselves when they claim to ‘follow’ a football team. The reality is they watch a television set. They don’t ‘follow’ a team at all but somehow claim that they do.

These people must have fantastic lives going but their own high standards. They don’t do shocking.

Do the 99 all drive brand new models of the most modern and top of the range luxurious cars? A Ford Fiesta or Renault Clio can be considered shocking when compared to a Bentley. How can they bare to sit in the driver’s seat of a small, 8 year old hatchback when they can be sitting in the luxurious surroundings of of a Bentley or Rolls Royce? Surely they would not drive a simple basic car as it is shocking in comparison to the best the world’s automotive industry has to offer yet most of the cars I see on the road today are those ‘shocking’ vehicles. Maybe the 99ers share the handful of Bentleys owned in Ireland? At least they are not opposed to ground sharing.

Dinner at the table of one of the 99 must be an amazing experience too. Exquisite dining every single time which would rival the best of restaurants in the world. Up there with Noma in Copenhagen or Eleven Madison Park in New York. I can taste it now. The flavours are so satisfying and the combination of ingrediants are something I would never forget. Their everyday dinner must be of this standard as they don’t do ‘shocking’ and if we were all honest, what we cook up ourselves really is appalling compared to the expertly prepared meals served by the world’s top chefs.

You’d never catch them eating out of a chipper!

The Holidays! Oh my! What an experience they would be. I would die to have the holidays the 99 go on too! No package deals to Tenerife or Lanzarote surrounded by noisey kids at a packed poolside and late night parties on the balcony next door with overcooked greasy crap for breakfast in the morning. Nope. Only the best of course. 5 star accommodation everytime with the best views of the ocean and the setting sun from your room with a private beach too on the most beautiful of unpopulated exotic islands. There is no way they would stay at a resort on a holiday island along with the thousands of other holiday makers as it too is certainly a ‘shocking’ experience when you put both side by side and take a good look at them. Champagene cocktails on demand with a personal masseuse at your call all the way before sleeping in a bed dressed with the finest Egyptian cotton. Not to mention the private yacht available to you in the marina as opposed to a pedalo. Only the best.

(City Calling Stadium, Longford. Picture: Owen Pavey)

Do they all have a high tech cinema room in their mansions on 150 acres instead of a living room with a bog standard flatscreen tv in a semi-detached house with a compact garden that does not catch the sunlight in the afternoon? Remember, they don’t do ‘shocking’ and the average living space in Ireland does not hold a candle to the most stately of homes.

No pet cat either. Only thoroughbred racehorses in the world’s best stables.

Custom made jewellery with cuts from the world’s rarest diamonds.

Commissioned works of art painted by the hands of the most celebrated names.

The 99 must have great lives altogether. Five star all the way.

You see, there is nothing wrong with the facilities found at League of Ireland clubs. They are what they are. A little dusty at times but in many ways perfect. The real problem is the delusional expectations the 99ers have. They expect state of the art stadia. Why? They are exposed to state of the art grounds on the telly box and that is want they have been conditioned to desire. It is a very strange way of thinking because they rarely see the outside of these world class stadiums in person let alone watch a game inside one of them. The 99ers experience these stadiums from the comfort of their living room with the remote control near by or from the height of a barstool. It is baffling that they have developed such an attachment to them. Baffling.

God bless their partners if the members of the 99 are partial to watching a spot of porn! I won’t go there.

I am in no way saying that we don’t need to improve the infrastructue within the League of Ireland. All clubs should constantly strive to improve but to expect them to compete, facility wise, with the best in the world is just pure stupidity.

There has been fantastic progress in recent years when it comes to League of Ireland grounds. Tallaght Stadium is comfortable and modern. As is the Showgrounds in Sligo. Both grounds have sheltered seating with fantastic views which place you right next to the action. Both of these grounds are a long way from how the 99ers would describe them. I am delighted to attend a match at either ground.

Tallaght was good enough for the 99 when Real Madrid were in town. I doubt many of them were looking around in disgust at the ground they were watching the game in on that day.

The RSC in Waterford has two fantastic modern all-seated stands which could never be labelled as ‘shocking’. Ok, the Blues fans are a little distant from the action with the running track between them and the field of play but if that is the sacrifice to be made in order to have a top class facility then it is well worth it.

Eamonn Deacy Park in Galway is always a pleasure to visit. Two great stands which are fully sheltered. The older stand in Galway does have a few pillars which make for restrictive viewing from certain seats but so do White Hart Lane, Anfield and Goodison Park. Plenty fo the 99ers have no problem heading to these grounds for their annual feed of live football. I love Eamonn Deacy Park. Again, far from ‘shocking’. Quite the opposite to me. A first time visitor would be very impressed by this tidy little ground.

(The RSC in Waterford. Home of Waterford United. Pic: Peter Clancy)

‘The Cross’ in Cork is a beautiul arena for football. Covered stands on all four sides. Fully seated and compact. You are right there in the thick of the action. From some seats you might even feel like you are in the starting XI. This is quite a common feeling at many League of Ireland grounds. There are aspects to the ground that could be updated but as a club football venue it is as tidy as you can get here in Ireland. If every club in our wonderful league were to develop a home as good as that of Cork City then the League of Ireland might finally be able to shake off the deluded one liner repeated so often by the television viewers.

There are a few grounds which could do with a lick of paint. Longford Town have a cracking little ground with seating the entire way around the pitch. The main stand is the only section that is covered but on a sunny evening there is a place for everybody to sit back and enjoy the game. A good spring clean would go a long way and I am sure in time there will be a second section with a roof covering but it is well worth calling to the City Calling Stadium to catch a match.

Limerick moved back into their spiritual home at the Market Fields last season and they were rewarded with great crowds and one of the most remarkable turnarounds in form throughout league history. A massive investment of time and money was made in bringing the ground up to scratch and from what I have seen on my visit to Limerick the effort so far has been worth the work put in. I have no doubt that in the years to come, with more hard work, there will be a fine ground in the city on the Shannon.

Longford Town fans can enjoy a visit to midland rivals Athlone Town. The Athone Town Stadium may only have one stand but is there a need yet for a stand on both sides of the ground or even on all four sides? The answer is no. There is room for future development but for now the home ground of Athlone Town is modern, comfortable and serves its purpose 100%. There is even music in the jacks!

Richmond Park, the home of St Patrick’s Athetic is a super ground. Two very nice seated stands. It would be great to see the Shed End fully covered to make it a very neat ground indeed. Comfortable and well maintained is how I would best describe the ground. I have to say the halftime burger was shite on my last visit but you get that all over the world. Maybe a covering over the West End which was developed for European Competition?

Talking of developing grounds, the North West is where it is at. Finn Harps will be leaving the old and dated but somewhat appealing surroundings of Finn Park and moving across the river to a new ground which is already under construction. The works may have stalled for now but if Harps can maintain a place in the Premier Division it will go a long way to seeing them running out of a tunnel at a spanking new modern ground sooner rather than later. I for one will miss the terrace section behind the goal at Finn Park though. I am not sure visiting goalkeepers will!

There will be a hive of activity at the home of neighbours Derry City soon too. Fans of the Candystripes can look forward to starting next season in a revamped and updated Brandywell which might rival Turner’s Cross and Tallaght Stadium as the benchmark for club footballing venues in the League of Ireland. The club are looking for a ‘home’ for the final six games of this upcoming 2016 season. What a welcome problem to be solved.

Dalymount Park is a project I am really looking forward to seeing completed. I have an inkling that it will be up there with Tallaght Stadium when the renovated home of Bohs opens up and there will no doubt be a cross city debate with Hoops fans as to which of the two fierce city rivals have the best ‘new’ ground. What a healthy debate that will be for the league!

(The Showgrounds, Sligo. Picture: rte.ie)

Having said all of this there are of course a few grounds that can be described as somewhat ‘shocking’. I won’t deny that. In all fairness though, not every team in the world can have a ‘world class’ starting XI.

Drogheda United own the black sheep in all of this. United Park is the one ground in the League of Ireland which really needs to be updated in my opinion. Knocking it in its entirety would be a good start. It lets the league down badly. I doubt all of the 99ers are referring to United Park when they describe the League of Ireland grounds as shocking though. I doubt most of them know it is even there.

Tolka Park is another ground that has seen better days. It has fallen into a very sorry state. It is quite sad to be honest. Tolka Park is a place that has given so many wonderful memories to football fans in Ireland over the years. International matches. FAI Cup Finals. Great European nights and league play-offs have all been played in front of packed houses on Richmond Road. The money is just not there right now to bring it up to modern standards so one can only keep their fingers crossed for the future of this historic if somewhat run down ground. The memory will always remain. That will never fall into disrepair.

Oriel Park could do with some work but it has seen some serious improvement in recent years. I would expect the old ground in Dundalk to be further improved if the Town can keep the trophies coming in.

In time these grounds will all come good. I believe that.

(There are plans to add a third stand to Tallaght Stadium)

I feel I should give every ground a mention now. I have a great liking for attending a match in Cobh. St Colman’s Park is a beautiful park and I love the fully covered seating behind the ‘far’ goal. A super little ground. Two fully covered stands and an old school terrace. The sun setting in the evening sky is is an extra bonus on a summer evening as the second half kicks off.

What about Ferrycarrig? For a young club Wexford Youths have super facilities and if they can establish themselves in the Premier Division I can only see the grounds in Wexford getting better and better. The clubhouse has the best view of a game in the league! It is like one massive oversized executive box.

Cabinteely, the newest eleven in the League of Ireland are playing at Strabrook, the home of Blackrock RFC. The ground serves its purpose and as a new club I am not going to be too hard on them. Would it be decent of me to expect a ‘world class’ stadium at the home of a club who have just one season under their belt? No. I find Stradbrook to be one of the friendiest grounds to visit on my journies and I’d love to see Cabinteely develop their own home in future years. Super burgers.

The Carlisle Grounds in Bray is another venue that does what it says on the tin. It is not too big. There is a covered stand but would be so much better if the open stand on the far side was covered too. If the crowds return to the Wicklow venue this might just happen. Who knows?

I almost forgot the Belfield Bowl! Home of UCD. The students have the smallest of grounds in the country but it is modern with sheltered seating and very comfortable. it is fit for purpose and always immaculate in terms of tidiness. Shocking? Nope. Not the Bowl. The best tannoy man in the league too. It is like listening to a late night radio station.

The next time I hear a 99er spew their nonsense about the League of Ireland facilites being “shocking” I might question them a litte further and ask them to describe the grounds they are so keen to rate so poorly. Silence. Their response will be silent. They don’t know what the grounds are like. They have never been to one. To them following a team is hoisting their arse up onto a barstool or sinking themsleves into a couch. They don’t understand what it is like to ‘follow’ a team. Whilst the result on the night is important there is something much more to it than that. A native of Liverpool, Manchester, York or Inverness would tell you the same thing. There is something about truly following a football team that runs deeper than what happens on the field of play.

If the ‘facilities’ nonsense is spouted in a bar near me anytime soon I hope I won’t be there to hear it. I’d like to think that I will be on my way to one of the many fantastic grounds we have in Ireland where a true football fan can still enjoy watching their team in an environment that is not sterile and full of tourists on a day out.

So what if the wind cuts the bollox off me when I watch the game at certain grounds. I grew up playing the game in Ireland. Part of that experience was nearly freezing to death on the pitch. It never killed me though and I kept returning to line out every weekend.

You see I am ever the optimist but I am also a realist too. I don’t expect the League of Ireland clubs to play at stadiums which are capable of hosting Euro 2016 games. That is absurd at this point in time. I am a believer that the grounds will continue to improve as they have done in the last 20 years. I would rather it was done slowly than never done at all.

The only thing I ever find shocking when discussing League of Ireland grounds with people, who ‘follow’ their teams with a pint or a remote control in their hand, is their deluded expectations of the beautiful game in our country.

Our league is not perfect and the grounds could do with a sweep and polish at times.

That does not stop me loving it though.

It almost makes me love our league even more.

The 99ers can continue to enjoy their Beluga cavier on toast for breakfast every morning. I mean, come on, marmalade would be ‘shocking‘ in comparison and they don’t do ‘shocking’, do they?

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