



Hi. Sean here.

This started out as a FB status, but I didn’t want to add yet another snarky log to the bonfire-o-pontificating that’s been floating around the webz these days. I just have something to say. So. DISCLAIMER: I love so many people who are devout members of the church, and so many people who are SO not. I have so much love in my life, and I am so grateful for that. The internet is a mess right now, and there are so many opinions being vomited back and forth. The following is an earnest plea for compassion and understanding. If that’s not your jam (or you just don’t want to read this), then feel free to go about the rest of your day. Okay? Cool.











“If you don’t like the church, leave it–and leave it alone.” or “You’re just looking for something else to be offended about.” or, my favorites: “Why do gay people want to be a part of something that doesn’t want them, let alone bring kids into that?” and “This isn’t a la carte, you can’t just pick and choose which parts of the religion to follow.” <— Etc… Can we not?







Not very loving.

What if said church is all you’ve ever known?

What if you personally are fine not being involved with the church directly–but your entire network of family and friends is richly endowed with people who fall all along the spectrum of belief and worship?







There are so many people hurting because of this policy change. Hurting because they feel up-ended. Hurting because their family is diverse and complicated, and now there’s a very strict classification between certain people. If you’re a church-goer, and people’s emotions about it are annoying to you………..you may need to put in some extra search/ponder/pray time.

If you’re NOT a church-goer, and people’s emotions about it annoying to you………..*sigh*……….I’m so very glad that you’ve come through your experiences with the church so unscathed that you can wipe your hands clean, and be unaffected by this. Honestly, that’s great. However…there are people who did NOT make it out unscathed, or didn’t make it out at all.

Of course this is hurtful to me on a personal level. This hits a lot of core issues for me, and it just sucks. But let me be clear. My feelings about this are completely separate from the run-of-the-mill member of the LDS church. I wholeheartedly disagree with this policy, and I am truly sorry if my disagreement translates as personal affront to anyone who wholeheartedly believes in the church.



On the flip side of that: there’s a strange faction of people who are out (out of the closet, out of harm’s way, out of the church, etc.) who seem to have zero regard for those who are still “in”…and while I’m not in any place to tell anyone how to live their life…I’m shocked by that mindset. There are a few specific people who have posted a few specific things in this ugly vein…and I would ask them to please think about everyone who is still stuck. Think of anyone who is still figuring themselves out, and just had a big ol’ wrench thrown in the works. Think of kids who really, truly, honestly might not live to see the solid ground you’ve found. Please don’t tell anyone who isn’t where you are that they are “uninformed” or that they are “making a big deal out of nothing.” Don’t ask anyone to “get over it” or “stop being surprised because this is nothing new.” Don’t discredit anyone else’s experience because you’re at peace with yours. This isn’t the Starbucks cup. If you want people to “just shut up” about it….lead by example.

This whole mess of words is sparked by a handful of sentiments I saw around the social media minefield of these past few days. I look forward to seeing what happens, and to keeping an open dialogue with my lovely family and friends. Those who do not want to talk about it won’t, and those who do will continue to. Regardless, we need to come together on this.

I’m so touched by the people who tell me that they are struggling with this policy, and that they love us no matter what. It can be done! One can feel uneasy about this thing, and love the stuffing out of their loved ones, and still go about their life as a card-carrying member of the church.



One can also be an out-and-proud person, at peace with their identity, expression, and belief…and still know that there are people who have been at this a lot longer than they have–people who have not been so lucky–and one can [should] have some compassion for the community at large.

Talking to my husband, friends, family, and others about this non-stop for a few days…I can summarize a bit of why this sits so heavy in the hearts of those affected:

We are upset because we thought maybe the church was going to find some common ground, and let families start to come back together when it comes to sexual orientation, expression, and identity. The opposite has happened, and some of us are shocked by it. We’re adjusting.

We care because just about everybody we know has a toe in this pond. The church is the reason we all know each other, the reason we all were born where we were, and a big part of who we are–for better or worse.

We talk about it because we want to understand. We want to find a place where it DOESN’T MATTER what gender your spouse is, where you are on General Conference Day, or who you vote for. We want our big, loud, annoying, amazing, complicated families (whether of blood or of choice) to be able to coexist peacefully thrive in love and prosperity.

People are hurting. Reach out and love someone. You can love everyone so very much, and still be in good standing with whatever group to which you belong. Love, love, and keep loving. We will figure this out. Step number one: listen.

(TL;DR - Love each other, and don’t be a dick. Regardless of how you feel about this.)