Chapter 9: Rose

Elsa was enthusiastic. Maybe a bit too enthusiastic, and she was so much so that she didn't even notice the drastic mood change from her girlfriend when they had sat down for dinner with her parents. She knew anyone would be nervous about meeting their parents, but it seemed like Anna was especially so. She hadn't talked - not nearly as much as Elsa would often see her talk. But being the most excitable person here, Elsa only brushed it off as just a simple nervousness.

Evening was creeping in, and dinner was just served when they all sat together - Elsa's parents sitting by each other's side, and the girls sitting across from them. The sun was setting, so the quiet mood in the house seemed almost fitting… but for Elsa, the more silent Anna was, the more uncomfortable it seemed. Never once had Elsa seen her smile during their time with her parents. This was unacceptable, but Elsa knew her girlfriend needed more care and help than anyone else.

Turning, while her mother continued to speak about work, the sight of Anna's head lowered, her fork repeatedly tapping on her food, prompted Elsa to frown. She didn't say anything at first, wondering what was wrong. Curious, but mostly concerned, she placed her hand on her girlfriend's knee under the table. "Is the food not fitting for you?" Elsa whispered.

Almost as if an eternity had passed when Anna finally stretched out a smile for her. "No," was her reply, shaking her head, "it's perfect."

Still, it bothered her that Anna wasn't saying anything else other than that. The forced smile she noticed immediately fell and while Elsa knew she should at least ask what was wrong, she was interrupted by her mother.

"So, Anna, I've always known that our little girl would treat anyone so wonderfully, but I really hope she's not a pain to you," Idunn began timidly. "I didn't want her to take after me, but sometimes…"

Anna was slow to pick her head up, smiling in silence. All Elsa could do was watch. She'd seen that kind of expression before when Anna was anxious. She supposed that Anna was still recovering from her addiction, but back home, no matter how hard the days were or how hard the situation seemed, Anna would always try her best to put on a smile and tell a few jokes. Right now, just simply responding to Idunn seemed incredibly hard.

And being that lovely girlfriend that Elsa was, the woman responded for her, "Mother, I think I treat her fairly well. I promise."

"Good, you better," Agdar responded, laughing heartily. "We don't have to worry about anything else. We're old, Elsa. It's wonderful that you have such a beautiful and kind girl sitting with us to eat dinner."

Anna bit her lip. "Sir, you don't have to flatter me."

"Oh, it's just the truth. And don't call me sir. From now on, we're family. Call me Agdar. Better yet, dad -"

"Father!" Elsa felt her cheeks flaring with heat. Never in her life had she thought her own family would be so open about this stuff. They had always been quiet and well, a bit peculiar, but bold was never something the family acquired. Perhaps, the correct definition for them was… they acted rich. Not because they were overwhelmingly filthy rich, but it was the fact that they did kind of act like those kinds of family, except… in a more freeing, accepting way.

Her father and mother had always accepted her for who she was, of course. She was their smart, obedient, and talented little girl from the moment she was brought into this world, so anything that Elsa wanted as a reward, they would always give. Right now, the gift of seeing them being this accepting of her girlfriend was truly something she needed to cherish, and it was the greatest gift of all.

Hearing her parents laugh at her own embarrassment, Elsa finally relaxed.

"We're just kidding, darling. Anna, I do have a question for you though," Idunn stated. "Would you like us to meet your parents?"

A beat dropped. A beat that was so heavy, it felt like the air weighed a ton. It almost felt threatening when Elsa turned to see how low her girlfriend's head had dropped, that she could see nothing else but the frown of her lips. Elsa had known. She had always known from the very start when Anna had told her about the things she had experienced. The things she regretted. Of course Anna would be quiet, would darken her expression because the thought of her parents… had always prompted Anna to fear a lot of things, things that she would cherish to be gone again. The things she had lost along the way in the midst of it all.

Placing a hand on Anna's back, in the silence, Elsa only wanted to secure her girl in her arms - not to encourage her to talk. Because then… all Anna would think about was how much she was at fault for her parents' death.

Finally, while the whole family was silent, Anna had let out a sigh and forced a reluctant smile to appear. "My… parents have passed away, ma'am."

Idunn's eyes immediately widened, her grin falling. "Oh my God, Anna -"

"May I head to the bathroom please?" Anna didn't even wait for an answer, hurrying to get up and head to the second-floor bathroom.

Elsa didn't wait either, watching Anna's poor reaction from the beginning of the dinner worsening from just a simple question. She didn't know. She didn't know her parents would ask something like this. But how could she have known? Consumed by happiness… consumed by her own self, she thought about nothing else but to bring a girl home to make herself and her parents proud. She shouldn't have done that.

With regret weighing heavily in her heart, Elsa looked at her parents apologetically, and immediately went after her girl. And with each step climbing up the stairs, the heavier the weight on her shoulders became. Never in her life did she ever plan on making Anna feel horrible… to even make her think about something that had consumed her happiness.

"Anna?" she announced herself, holding onto the doorknob of the bathroom. "Anna, may I come in?"

All that responded back to her was a single sniffle and a quiet sob on the other end. Fuck. Elsa sighed to herself, pressing her forehead against the surface of the door. She never meant for any of this, and even if she thought this wouldn't be such a big deal, she understood how hurt Anna was, how desperately Anna wanted to get away from the situation. The anxiety and depression caused by her addiction… only worsened even more, and Elsa wanted nothing else than to treat her girlfriend as treasure. But right now, she realized she was doing a horrible job at that.

Slowly, realizing that the door wasn't locked, Elsa opened it… seeing her girlfriend curled up on the floor, her head tucked under her knees, fingers tightly gripping her own hair. Anna still continued to quietly weep, but it wasn't stopping the blonde from getting down on the floor, closing the door… and her hand fell to Anna's head.

"Sweetheart… oh, are you okay? Hm?"

Anna nodded.

I'm sorry. They shouldn't have asked that. I shouldn't have brought you here," Elsa whispered. "I… God, I'm so stupid to do that to you -"

"I know you meant well…" Anna slowly peeked her reddened eyes up, having the courage to grasp her hand. "I… I just… seeing you and your parents looking like this… being so happy… I realized that I could never have that with my Mama and Papa."

"Anna…"

"I realized how much of an ass I've been to them - that I should've treated them better before they... I was so angry with myself that I just -"

Enough was enough. Knowing that each word that Anna would say would continuously hurt them more, Elsa immediately hugged her girlfriend. Hushing her, with fingers caressing her hair, arms securely holding her tight, she felt Anna slowly relax into her embrace. There was a sense of security for both of them… knowing how much Anna trusted her. Knowing that Anna could rely on Elsa to comfort her. "Shh… don't say anything else. I'm sorry… I didn't consider how you feel. Now I know, beautiful. I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault," Anna mumbled, her head leaning against Elsa's shoulder.

"I should have known anyway. I never wanted to make you feel bad. I'd be a horrible girlfriend to you."

At that, Anna said nothing, but the blonde knew how much she longed to have her parents back again. If there was anything that Elsa could do to help her, well, the only thing she could do was to support her as much as she could. Other than money, food, and security… Elsa had a lot of love that she knew Anna was too scared to take, but whenever Anna was willing… Elsa would give all her love to her. And, perhaps, right now, when all Anna needed was her arms to hold, her words to listen to - to be comforted by, that was all Elsa had to give.

She shut her eyes, running her hand in circles in repetition on Anna's back, lulling her girlfriend to relaxation. There was a promise… a promise to herself that she would do anything to see Anna's smile. She wasn't going to let that go now.

"I promise you, Anna…" she whispered. "… I'll do anything for you just to see your beautiful smile. Anything."

She didn't understand. She didn't understand a single thing written on her dozen notebooks and textbooks. She had seen what was on her own computer, but she still had no clue what the hell she had been doing these past few years. Playing catch-up had never been so hard. Never had Elsa felt this agitated with herself, frustrated that her brain couldn't remember fuck all about her own work - work that Anna had always told Elsa that her past self was especially proud of and would often brag about. What was there to brag anymore? What was there to show off?

Alone in her very own office with boxes upon boxes of books laid out to her, she stared at the shelves of trophies and precious building models. She leaned against the wall across from it, her eyebrows pressed together, her blue pupils coated in a thick layer of pained tears. She wished she didn't need help so often - even specifically instructed Anna not to be in the office for the afternoon as she sort through her own stuff. What was the point anymore?

Consumed in her own frustration, Elsa immediately kicked a box of books over, and slid herself down onto the floor. She couldn't help it, wrapping herself in her own arms… weeping loudly like a child throwing a tantrum.

It had only been three weeks since she had come home, but those weeks felt like torture for her. She tried so hard to remember so many things, only to be left in the dark whenever Anna tried to remind her all the things that she would always do. And if Anna thought this was going to help jog her memories, she was wrong. As the weeks went by, the more she despised herself - the more she envied the woman that she used to be. But all this time… she would always blame herself for being so careless to get herself hurt and lose a part of herself.

"Elsa?!" Anna had immediately barged into the office, swinging the door open, her eyes widened in shock. She scanned through the messy room, but all Elsa could do was cry her misery away. All the books… all the hard work… all the rewards… all gone. "Elsa… what happened…?"

"Go away, Anna."

The redhead, despite being told that, knelt in front of Elsa. She peeked out from her knees to notice Anna had picked up one of the fallen books. The redhead didn't say anything… her teal eyes looking just as hurt, perhaps, longing for something. Elsa could see it all - how Anna deeply missed her… how Anna longed to see the person that Elsa used to be, and while Anna hadn't said a thing about it, the blonde knew deep down in her heart, there laid a big empty hole that needed to be filled.

Now this was something that Elsa just didn't understand. How could Anna long for someone so deeply, when they were only friends? Sure, they could be best friends - after all, they were roommates - and, perhaps, Elsa had injured her head enough that she didn't understand what it meant to have a best friend anymore.

Elsa chuckled to herself, almost coming back to the sobbing and despair. "I'm stupid… I'm so fucking stupid -"

"Hey, hey, hey…" Anna placed her hand on Elsa's elbow. The simple touch only annoyed Elsa more. She didn't want to look more handicapped than she already was. "We said we'll take this slow right? It's just books. We'll get you back to college if you want -"

"You don't know what it's like…"

"What?"

Elsa immediately smacked Anna's hand off her, ocean eyes filled with fiery… and, especially, fear. The tears that coated her eyes were drenched in pain, her reddened cheeks filled with shame. What could Anna do about that? "You have no idea what it's like to be so crippled and helpless! You haven't gotten a single clue what I've been thinking… you think you can help me?! You're only making me feel worse about myself! Every day I feel like I've been doing nothing when I know I could do so much, but I can't because I've lost all of this! ALL OF ME! You can't help me, Anna!"

She could see how stunned Anna was. How hurt she was. But the blonde didn't dare stop spewing hate at her. She didn't hate Anna, per se. She only hated how she was often treated - like a helpless animal.

In the silence after Elsa had said everything… seeing the shock on Anna's face, regret immediately had taken its place over anger. Looking away, she didn't even dare to apologize either. She wasn't sure how to. These days… her temper had been running quite short, but neither of them knew how to control it. It wasn't like Elsa wanted this - she just yearned so much to be like her past self again. The envy in her right now acted as poison, and day and night, all she could ever do was damn herself in silence because she wasn't her very own person.

But Anna was quiet, the shock in her face finally calmed. Her eyelids fluttered as they gazed down at her own lap, fingers running along the indented words of the book placed on her lap. She took a deep breath - one that Elsa was too familiar with.

"I know… I can't do much for you, Elsa," Anna stated. "I know I can't bring back the memories that you had. I know something some mundane as to reading your own stuff wouldn't jog your memories back together. These books… awards… accomplishments, I can't deny that I'm proud of the Elsa that you were. That I… miss her. I know you're hurting. I'm just glad you've said everything that you needed to say."

"But?"

Anna smiled, shaking her head. "There's no 'but' in this situation, Elsa. Just know that if you ever think that you're alone in this, you're not," she placed her hand atop of Elsa's, her longing gaze filled with nothing more than grief and love, and that was all Elsa could see.

Perhaps, it was a fortunate thing… or maybe it really wasn't. Once upon a time, it was someone else who would say something like this, as Anna had told her, so it was only fair that Anna would return the favor. The anxiousness… the insecurity that Elsa felt made her realize how much more they needed each other, no matter how hard it was to keep each other together when all the wanted to do was to… separate.

The silence was almost overbearing until Elsa's expression softened, her own confusion and curiosity turning into… maybe it was regret that she was feeling now. It had always taken her a long time to realize Anna only wanted what's best for her. And she knew she'd never had a greater friend than the woman that was kneeling in front of her. She really didn't deserve it. Didn't deserve those nice words said to her. Didn't deserve the kindness shown to her. Didn't deserve any of that… and yet, here they were.

She gulped, breaking through the stubbornness, looking away with shame. Of course she felt shame - she was practically throwing a little kid tantrum. "Thank you," was all she ended up saying, mentally slapping herself when she couldn't say those two simple words, 'I'm sorry'.

Yet, the kindness that Anna had shown continued to flourish like a rose. "Hey, you'll always have me here, okay? You can scream and yell, but I'm at least here to listen. Right?"

"Yeah."

"Now what do you say we go clean this all up, and we can go to the library now, yeah?"

Library. It had been the only place she'd been looking forward to going all week, and Anna knew exactly what she wanted to cheer her up. "I'd like that."

"Alrighty then -"

"Can we take my car?" Elsa raised her hand up the moment she knew Anna would refuse. "You're driving, I meant."

Although, seemingly reluctant - obviously, Anna probably didn't want to drive it, seeing that she didn't want to wreck it - the redhead sighed, nodding. Which, even got Elsa to smile with glee. "Sure, we'll take your car. Only you're taking your crutches too okay?"

"But -"

"No 'but's. I don't wanna see you walking around and end up falling when nobody's watching."

Elsa quirked an eyebrow up. "You're… not staying in the library with me?"

Anna tapped her foot on the ground, fidgeting uncomfortably. "Elsa, I… God, I should've told you this earlier, but… I wanted to go back to school… finish my degree this summer, okay? So, I'll just be in the office, meet my counselor, and then, I'll come and fetch you. It'll be like I never even left."

Elsa wasn't really sure about that since they hadn't been able to separate from each other all this time that Elsa had been home. Still, it was reasonable… and Elsa had always wanted to explore the neighborhood alone anyway. Insecure, but not really opposing to the idea, she slowly nodded. "Alright, let's go then."

She shouldn't have been this excited to enter her own car, but she was - even if she was sitting on the passenger seat with her large crutches sitting in the backseat where she could see it staring back at her from the rear mirror. She was fascinated, really, curious with the interiors, all the buttons and mechanics. She was acting like she hadn't seen a car before - much less, her own car… which she had bought herself with her own money. In awe, she continued to look around as Anna came to the driver's side, slamming the door close. God, it really smells like a new car here.

"Phew, ready?" Anna asked, looking over to make sure Elsa's seatbelt was secured around her before securing her own.

Excited, but trying to keep herself calm, she nodded. "Let's go."

The engine had a nice rumble to it as Anna drove out of the parking lot and into the crowded streets.

"Have you ever driven my car before?" she questioned, looking around the familiar street. Concentrating on the road, Anna shrugged as she made a right turn to the main road. The GPS quickly signaled the direction that she needed to be headed to.

"Mm, just a bit," she answered, eyes flicking on the road and the little device. "You know, you had me learn to drive in your car when you first bought it. Obviously, I was scared shitless because it was a brand new car, right? But you were like, 'no, no, Anna, it's okay, I'll be sitting by your side'." Anna rolled her eyes. "Not that it made it any easier for me to drive around the crowded road for the first time."

"I never bought you a car?" Elsa turned, eyeing the woman curiously. "With what I was doing… I should've bought you a car."

"Why should you?" Anna raised an eyebrow, watching carefully as she made a stop to let the few cars pass before she made another turn. "Your money, you use it for yourself. I have no say in what you want to do with it… but you did offer. I just refused."

"Why?"

"I have my own car."

"Seems pretty broken down."

"Yeah, well," Anna chuckled, her face quickly falling, "it's a hand-me-down gift. A family heirloom, I suppose. From Papa."

Papa… Now that she had mentioned it, Anna never really talked about her parents. But noticing the way that Anna had quickly quieted down, she realized… perhaps, it was a good idea that they'd just change subjects. She wasn't sure what had happened - perhaps the fact that her family was on a vacation... or they didn't have a very good relationship with each other - but either way, Anna was definitely feeling some type of way. Gulping, Elsa turned away to look at the front.

"You should… drive me around more often," Elsa began, a little quieter this time.

Anna chuckled, nodding. "Yeah, I should. Seems like you're getting better at walking anyway, so… mm, I guess, I can take you to the beach in the next few days. The water feels amazing - Whoa!"

HONKKK!

Anna quickly pressed down on the brake, the car screeching to a stop as a fast-moving truck came flying pass across the street. Still, it didn't stop the two women from jerking forward for a long moment before slamming themselves back in the car seat.

Heart pounding. Breathing racing. Skin tingling. Every part of her muscles ached. Her ears rang as she felt Anna grab her shoulder… and was she calling her name? The tears in her eyes began to weep, and all Elsa could do was stare into space on her lap with widened eyes, shaking without stop… because there was something in her… something that was so familiar -

"... your parents are always nice to me. I wonder if they would be great friends with Mama and Papa."

"I'm fine! Elsa, why don't you come, and play with the water with me?!"

"You make this sound all like a dream, Elsa…"

"... because I do want to marry you."

"... that you won't be hurt because of you would put up a brave face… for everyone. That if you ever see her, you think of me."

"Elsa… Elsa, please… make love to me, fuck me… I'm yours."

Elsa…

Elsa…

ELSA!

The woman immediately hitched her breath, slowly turning to see the fear in Anna's eyes. She swallowed, whimpered, and almost pushed Anna away from her sudden touch, but the redhead held her hands tightly in her own to keep her secure.

"Hey, hey, hey, are you okay? I'm so sorry, Elsa… oh my God…"

What just happened? These memories… Anna…

The blonde blinked, slowly gathering herself as she switched her frantic gaze to her lap. They were so… fractured… so fractured that Elsa could remember nothing else than those words. Yet, she couldn't forget about them either, as much as she wanted to. She bit her lip in wonder as she completely tuned out from Anna who repeatedly asked if she was okay.

For once, Elsa made the decision to look at Anna closely in silence, her eyebrows furrowed as if she was in study mode. Who are you…?

"Elsa? Hey." The redhead waved her hand, snapped her fingers in front of her. "You there? I braked too hard, right? I'm sorry. Startled you, didn't it?"

Elsa reluctantly nodded. "Yeah."

"Do you wanna go back?"

With a straight face, thinking to herself, Elsa shook her head. "No… Let's go. We came all this way after all."

"Well…" she sighed, slowly up speed with the car. "Tell me if you wanna go back, alright? I just wanna make sure you're safe. Are you sure you're fine?"

At that, Elsa didn't answer, but only nodded. Once in a while she would look at Anna and then to the side of her window in repetition. For the whole way, they had kept themselves pretty quiet as well… and Elsa was certain it was because Anna thought she'd be mad. Only, she was just thinking about those words… knowing exactly who had said what… but not knowing how. She had given it a benefit of the thought, thinking that it all came from a dream… and a stupid dream, really, but what were the chances?

Elsa bumped her head against her window, shutting her eyes. It's nothing, you fool. It's nothing.

The last thing that Anna had said to her was to be careful and just have fun in the library. Though, while most people wouldn't actually associate 'fun' with a place like this, Elsa was definitely going to make the best of it, especially when she finally was able to do something by herself without Anna by her side. While being with Anna ensured her own safety and comfort, Elsa had always wanted to explore places by herself without her help… and, really, at least Anna understood that much.

Looking around, all she could hear were books rustling, the air conditioners blasting, people whispering in the hollow space. Shelves stacked amongst each other like dominos, filled with books that were more up to date mixed with some dusty old ones. There was just so much going on even if she knew she didn't have to be so overwhelmed.

Where was she supposed to begin? Standing in between the shelves of books and long wooden tables was making her feel like an idiot. She supposed she could just ask the information desk, but she wasn't a little kid anymore.

Sighing, she began limping away with her crutches, looking at the signs that categorized the books in their genres.

Fiction… Non-fiction… mystery… history… where are the study books?

Elsa sighed, continuing on her journey as she wandered around for a short while until she found a small section in the very back. Seemingly, there weren't a lot of people around the area, which meant… well, not a lot of people seemed to really wander around here. She pursed her lips together, fingers brushing on each and every book that at least had something to do with interior designs. Maybe it's just better if I just shop on Amazon…

It took her a few moments to find what she was looking for amongst the many other books that she had in her arms. With her hands completely full, she tried to place another large textbook in her arms, only to quickly have dropped them all on the floor. Her crutches fell from the side of the shelves to the ground upon impact.

"God damn it…" Elsa grunted, gripping onto the cabinet as she tried to bend down. She knew it was no use, but she still wanted to try her best. Eventually, the more she continued to stretch her arms down on the floor to grab her crutches, the more frustrated she was getting. The only thing stopping her, was the fact that she didn't want to fall again - especially without Anna here to help her -

"Need a hand?" a voice called to her, a pair of hands that weren't hers taking her crutches in front of her.

The blonde blinked, looking up to see a brunette handing the crutches back, her smile as gentle as the light shined for her. "Ah…"

"Sorry, I just heard all the ruckus from back here, and I actually thought some rat came scrambling about. But it's just you," she raised her eyebrows, "didn't mean to startle you either."

If there could be anything that made Elsa freeze and blank out like that, well, that only thing would be the woman in front of her. Still, even if she didn't know who she was, Elsa could still appreciate her kindness… but most of all, she's beautiful.

The stranger tilted her head. "You got it?"

Which immediately snapped Elsa out of it, taking the crutches right under her armpits. "Yes… That's sweet of you."

"Don't mention it. Hm… 'Love Your Home: A Beginner's Guide to Interior Design'..." She picked the few books that had dropped on the floor in her hands and examined it. The woman chuckled, raising an eyebrow as she stood up, and while Elsa expected her to return those books to her arms, the brunette had kept it securely to herself. "You do interior designing? This wouldn't be the right floor for you - go up a floor, there are tons of these books."

Still, in complete awe, Elsa didn't answer her right away. "Oh, I see…" She realized how idiotic she was sounding right now and shook her head. "Um, sorry, I didn't say - I mean, thank you… for helping me. Second floor huh?"

"Yup. A lot of students study up there anyway. Are you new here?"

"No… yes… I don't know." Elsa demonstrated her lack of confidence by waving her crutches. "I had an accident, memories a bit all over the place." Understatement of the year, huh?

"Ah. Well, you know, if you have questions about these books or… in general, about interior designs, I'm open to answering."

"Are you a librarian?"

"Volunteer." She patted the book cart that was sitting right behind her. "I was organizing some stuff, but I should have been on the second floor anyway."

"I see."

The woman hummed in contemplation for a moment, their eyes meeting… and for that exact moment, all Elsa could notice was how brown those eyes were. "You know I've studied a bit interior designing back in college anyway, and I thought you probably won't be going anywhere anytime soon with how many books you're going to borrow. So if you want to know more…"

Well, she's… odd. While Elsa wanted badly to refuse, she couldn't do it when she was staring at those brightly brown eyes. She smiled, her ears listening attentively. And, honestly, she couldn't deny the fact that she probably did need a little extra help anyway. There had to be a lot more details than she had expected that she needed to know. What was the harm?

Nodding slowly, Elsa's smile slowly crept wider. "Yes, that… that would be lovely. I'm Elsa. I didn't catch your name..."

The woman mirrored her expression and nodded. "The name is Belle. Nice to meet you, Elsa."

a/n: DRAMA