David Wolfe is selling longevity drops!1 Golly gee whiz! This is exciting news!

Until we got bogged down in the drudgery of this never-ending presidential campaign here in the United States, where watching the news conjures up thoughts of sticking my tongue into a 120 volt electrical outlet, I had always hoped to live forever. I wanted to live long enough to see humans travel to the stars. I secretly thought I’d persevere and see the Chicago Cubs win a World Series. I’m embarrassed about never buying life insurance and didn’t want to be confronted with the consequences of that mistake by actually dying.

So there I was, credit card in hand over on Wolfe’s Longevity Warehouse web site, ready to make a purchase of the liquid that’d give me eternal life, and I thought: “wait a minute… maybe I should check out the labeling on this product. Wolfe hasn’t been exactly straightforward with his science in the past.”

Indeed, this is the man who claimed that water is alive.

Here’s the product in question:

Anyone want to check out the ingredients with me?1

Oh dear. David Wolfe’s Longevity Drops contain alcohol. This is a conundrum.

Now, for those of you who studied science at Food Babe University, a conundrum isn’t one of those things you wear while having safe sex. The word means “a difficult problem”… something illogical… a severe contradiction, as it were: something David Avocado Wolfe is famous for.

Why is it a problem for Wolfe to be selling a longevity product that contains alcohol? Because the Avocado Dude recommends you consume this elixir daily, but in an article titled “This is What Happens to Your Body if You Drink Alcohol on a Regular Basis”, he warns that alcohol has the following effects on your body:2

It causes cancer

It decreases vitamin B12 production

It decreases vitamin D and calcium absorption

It damages the liver

It’s a depressant

So… “buy my product to live longer, but it will kill you. Bottoms up! Love, David!”

Do yourself and/or a sick, disadvantaged person a favor: Help make the world a better place by searching for and re-tweeting the truth about David Avocado Wolfe with this hashtag:

#DontCryWolfe

And don’t ever, ever buy anything from his online store. If you want the grape alcohol featured in his longevity drops, it’s better known as wine, and you can pick up a decent bottle for a few bucks at your local liquor store. #Cheers. #BottomsUp.

Image Credits

David Wolfe/Longevity Warehouse screen captures and product images are used in accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, commonly known as “fair use law”. This material is distributed without profit with the intent to provide commentary, review, education, parody, and increase public health knowledge.

“Cocktail” parody by Mark Alsip/Bad Science Debunked. Used under the parody provision of Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107 of U.S. copyright law. This material is distributed without profit with the intent to provide commentary, review, education, parody, and increase public health knowledge.

References

(1) Food for the Immortals Longevity Drops (50ml)

http://www.longevitywarehouse.com/food-for-the-immortals-longevity-drops-50-ml

(2) This is What Happens to Your Body if You Drink Alcohol on a Regular Basis!

http://www.davidwolfe.com/happens-to-body-drink-alcohol/