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Research, writing: Tomonori Shiba

Photography: Takashi Hirano



Kalafina is precious to me,

and it is something I want to continue

No matter how old I get, I want to continue Kalafina――.

This is what Wakana told us.

However, for her, that certainly doesn't mean that the 7 years of Kalafina were all smooth sailing.

It was a period of breaking through walls, embracing trouble and overcoming failures, all while walking forward.

Since her adolescent years, Wakana has decided that there's nothing for her but singing, but I wonder how she has changed from her experience with Kalafina.

Since her encounter with songs, she has shared this story with us Research, writing: Tomonori ShibaPhotography: Takashi Hirano

For as long as I can remember, I have always loved singing.

My family is made up of 4 members: my father, mother, elder brother and I. My mother was a piano teacher, so when I was young I sang children's songs accompanied by my mother's piano. A story I heard very often from my mom was about an incident during nursery school. We were singing a song called "Sea" with a line that went "The sea is wide, the sea is big", and I was the only one who got the lyrics wrong. However I sang it so loudly that everyone followed me and also sang it wrong (laughs). From that time on, I loved singing loudly.

During primary school, I joined a boys and girls' choir. It was a childhood in which we sang as a matter of course. I continued with the choir until high school.

What I wrote as my dream at the primary school graduation was to become a "singing comic artist". Since I often went with my mother to watch theater productions by "Shiki Theater Company", I thought of becoming an opera singer with that influence. However, I also really loved drawing, so I also wanted to be a comic artist. That's how the dream of becoming an "opera singer and comic artist" came about (laughs).

I have listened to the albums of Shiki Theater Company a lot. I've even memorized all the lines and done some impressions of them. I watched a lot of their shows such as "Cats", "Lion King", among others, but I especially liked "Phantom of the Opera". I think I watched it four or five times. My favorite was the scene when the chandelier fell down, and my mom took me to see it many times.

I think my mom and dad were the people who taught me the origins of music. My mom hasn't only listened to piano and children's songs and operas, she has also listened to a lot of oldies pop music, and my dad also loves music so he often played his guitar. That's why when I came back from school, I would often hear 50's to 70's music like The Beatles being played at home. Since I like songs from Neil Sedaka, Nat King Cole, and such, it seems like I would somehow end up humming them.

Even now, when those songs get played, I would think "Oh, it's that song", and it would make me happy to hear them. People around me who are older than I am would often ask "Why do you know that song?!" in surprise.

I didn't get along with my brother who was three years older than me during our middle and high school years. Of course I had to study, but I was aiming to be a singer. However my brother always thought it was better to graduate from university and start a proper career, so I think he was worried that I was chasing some obscure dream. Nowadays though, my brother and I are very close. Now that I think about it, when I was 16 or 17 years old, I thought "My teenage years are going to end soon" and I got very impatient. That's why I was a bit rebellious I think.

After that, the time when I really decided I wanted to sing, and sing for a living, was after I encountered Whitney Houston.

I first knew about her around the end of my first year in high school. It was the first time I heard that kind of singing. "I want to be able to sing like that!", that's what I thought.

By that time, I had already realized that my dream of becoming a manga artist and opera singer was quite unrealistic, that although I still entered the art club and loved drawing, I have understood that I did not have the talent to make that into my job. So while going through high school, I started attending a singing school in Fukuoka.

I found the singing school from "TOWN PAGES*", you know. I had also started part-time work so I told my parents I would pay the school fee, and I started attending the singing school while still in high school. It would be fair to say that my life was changed by "TOWN PAGES" (laughs).

At that time, I was greatly influenced by many artists, including Whitney Houston of course, and also Hikaru Utada and MISIA.

I had learned a bit about vocal music in middle school, so I thought I could use that kind of voice as a weapon somewhere. However I also admired Whitney's voice, which could reach songs in high key while still singing lightly, so I thought I had to learn to sing like that eventually.

After that, in order for me to focus on singing school, I went to a distance education high school, and decided to seriously pursue a career in music.

I couldn't do anything else. I didn't have anything else worth of merit. I could only sing, and whatever I did, I was never able to continue except for singing. That's the only thing I could do, that's how I thought.

Anyway, I had a vague confidence in myself. After all, I had received an audition from Sony, and facing the camera, I said, "I'll definitely pass! If I don't get in, everyone will regret it!" That video is probably still around somewhere. When I think about it now, I was really scary when I was younger (laughs). However, I ended up failing twice.

At that time, I was doing 5-10 auditions a month. Sending tapes and waiting for responses, I did all those very earnestly.

And then, one of the auditions went ahead from then on for about half a year, that I lived in Fukuoka and Tokyo in something like a trial period where I recorded lots of different types of songs. Half a year later, I entered my current company, Spacecraft, and at that time, I thought I would be able to debut very quickly. I didn't really think about how things would go afterwards.

At that time, I couldn't help but have fun every day. Coming to Tokyo, everything seemed to sparkle. It was fun to talk about recordings, and everything was enjoyable. I felt like I was on top of the world.

But thinking back, it was what happened later that was really important. At the time, I didn't even take care of the basic things properly. I did not practicing before the recordings. It's something that's unthinkable for me now.

If I could speak to my past self at that time, I would want to tell her "Place your feet firmly on other things and make a sturdy foundation!". "If you stop here, you'll be digging a hole for yourself!", something like that. It was a huge hole that took about 2-3 years to get out of. Working so hard, I had to seriously and thoroughly fill it in.

When I was younger, for some reason I was always confident that I thought, "It'll be fine. If something goes wrong, I'll deal with it then!", but that's all gone now.

After all, without giving up nor giving in, I have to keep trying. Having the determination to continue on is something which I think is very important.



―――The time when Wakana seriously faced up to her own singing was after debuting with Kalafina. Until that time, the period of naiveté continued.



The first time I worked with Kajiura Yuki-san was on "Fist of the North Star: The Legends of the True Savior" (OVA) soundtrack. Credited as FictionJunction WAKANA, it was just one song, a Japanese song.

At that time, it was just a fun thing. I didn't even think about the way I was singing, and didn't feel the difficulty of the song. I remember thinking "That should be good enough" and being satisfied. Of course, I think there was a lecture on the small details, but I think Kajiura-san's songs have always been easy for me to sing. For example, even if I understood that the song required some classical components, I was told "Here you should show off your voice and sing loudly. Please imagine as if a fairy was singing it", so I just put that image in my head while singing and told myself, "That's good enough, I want it like that."





The first time I met Keiko was also before Kalafina had started. It was at an event organized by my office's boss. It was held at Meguro Restaurant on a Friday night, and a kind of event where the newcomer girls at the office would freely choose songs to perform for the others.

At that time, I think I sang a lot of the songs which I had sung at some auditions. Celine Dion's "To Love You More" and Chihiro Onitsuka's "月光 (Moonlight)" were my standards. I think I also sang "Amazing Grace".

Keiko was among the girls around the same age that I met that night. I don't think we talked much at the time though, and I didn't get to sing with her either. However, the fact that from that encounter, even until now, we are still singing and doing activities together as members, I can feel a mysterious force that binds us together.

Even when Kalafina had started, the nature of the project was very unclear, and I accepted it without knowing the nature of the auditions and such details. At that time I met Keiko again after a long time, however all I knew was that we would be performing the theme song for some theatrical anime, and I thought that one of us would surely win the audition.

However, when they told us about the results, they said, "Both of you passed, so we'll debut you two together", that I got really shocked. Anyway, I was very happy to be able to debut, so the two of us went to a café in Shibuya, I remember trying to find out when the work would be made public, as well as other details. With that sort of feeling, we recorded and released a CD in a surprisingly short time.

At that time, we didn't know how many members Kalafina would have in the future; we were singing as a duo now but the next song could have been a solo for either one of us for all we knew. Even after Hikaru joined, there was always a possibility of more people joining; it was an uncertain structure at the beginning. Even so, I was happy that we could release a CD. All I thought about was I had to grab this chance. I didn't think about anything after that. "空の境界 (Garden of Sinners)" was made up of 7 chapters, so when the 7 movies ends, there was always this thought somewhere that Kalafina could end at any time, but it was a scary thought that I never told anyone about.

After that, when the 7 movies were over we released our first album with our last song "seventh heaven" as the title. When I heard that we would sing another song entitled "Lacrimosa" and release it simultaneously with the album, I thought "Oh, so we're continuing this", and I had a feeling of "Hurray!". I remember doing a victory dance with Keiko and Hikaru (laughs).

And then, Kalafina geared towards doing lives.

Even now, I can still remember very clearly the first time I stood on stage. Actually, it was slightly before this. The first time Kalafina went on stage was during the collaboration project between Sound Horizon's Revo and Kajiura-san called "Dream Port".

In the first CD jacket photograph, we wore veils, so we also appeared with veils at that time during the live. I could see the guests through that veil. Having felt that, I became all the more nervous. After all, our first live was in a big hall. I totally lost sight of myself.

And then after that, timed with the release of "Lacrimosa", we started doing regular monthly lives at a place called morph-Tokyo in Roppongi, with about 200 people. That live became a huge chance for us.

To sing raw in an arena with guests, for the first time I was able to observe our three-man performances objectively.

Recording and lives are completely different. For recordings, since it's a kind of work in which we enter the booth at different times then put things together carefully, there isn't much chance to sing together. Suddenly changing that to a live format, there's no way we could be good at it immediately.

It was that time when I totally lost my unfounded confidence.

There were so many skilled people around me, that it felt really painful when I compared and found myself lacking. Even when I couldn't become better, I didn't understand why I couldn't do it, and I often ran into an impasse.

It was during that time when we did our first Asia tour, which marked the start of our live performances overseas. Even though I didn't have much confidence, we were moving on to the next step. I felt like I was being washed away.

At that time, it was a big thing just to not give up standing with the three of us on stage. If at some point I had said "Sorry, it's impossible!", I don't think today's Kalafina could have existed. That was thanks to the support of the other two, as well as the staff around me. I was only really encouraged by others.





―――During the 3rd album "After Eden", Wakana embraced her biggest problem.



At the time, I don't think I fully understood what Kalafina meant to me.

It was 2 years after our debut, so I was asked that question many times during interviews. However, at that time I answered something like, "Right now it's something that I'm working hard towards. I'm trying to work towards an ideal Kalafina now."

However, around the time of our 2nd album "Red Moon", I started getting lots of requests for "Kalafina's Wakana", that I began to see how Kalafina was associated with myself, and started thinking "Is it really okay to keep going like this?" After that, during the third album "After Eden", I hit a huge wall.

That was "I can't sing the way I want". Due to my singing skill, I couldn't sing in the ideal way that I wanted. During recordings, I couldn't sing well and even troubled Kajiura-san, and this became a big problem.

Even though I thought I was trying my best, the results weren't coming so it seemed meaningless. It was hard enough with just the recordings, that there was no way I could have handled lives. The time when our third album was the peak of my problems.

For me, that most problematic was the theme song of "After Eden", which is "Eden". I couldn't sing it the way I wanted at all.

I also got some pretty strict words from Kajiura-san. However, I think it was because of those words that I could be here today. If not, I might have kept slipping down. Accepting my failings and thinking "I can't keep being like this" became the basis for the thought "I have to work harder for this".

At the time of "After Eden", I became very highly strung during lives. I kept assuming too much that it would be difficult, that I have thought, "I might not be able to sing this" every time. I became very pessimistic about this.

That's why "Eden" is one of my favorite songs now. Because it was a difficult song for me, I practiced it so many times and did so much work on it, that I can always sing it comfortably now, I think. There are many Kalafina songs like this each time. What sort of song will come next time, which one will be the next "Eden" for me? That's how I always think.

There were problematic periods as well after that. Both when "to the beginning" and "moonfesta" came out, I still felt like I hadn't grasped the actual feeling of these songs. Something inside me was still looking for the right direction, looking for something, but I didn't know what it was.

The key that pulled me out of the mood of "searching for the image of Kalafina" was the song "ひかりふる (Light Falls)". At the start, this song was very difficult for me. That's why I thought that if I can do this song perfectly, I could accept that. Kajiura-san thought the same way when she told me "Wakana-chan, try to do Hikari Furu perfectly".

"Let's clear the difficulties one by one", and work on the minute details thoroughly. Once I did that, I thought "I've finally got it!". By understanding the song "Hikari Furu", I also finally saw my place in the group. That was where I changed. I felt refreshed.

The response I got for "Hikari Furu" was huge, and it's a very important song for me.

Of course, even now I'm searching for the music inside me. Every time, when I get the feeling of "this part might be difficult" from a new song, I think "I want to see a new Kalafina that can sing this", and it became something that is not painful any more. I used to be afraid of challenges, but now I've learned that I can evolve with every challenge. Because of this, it's become fun to find my own weaknesses.



―――By overcoming her problems like this, how does Wakana now face her role in Kalafina and her own singing?



In 2014, we completed our 6th anniversary lives, and after that we had FictionJunction activities, that we didn't have any Kalafina's live activities for half a year. At that time I thought about a lot of things, but in this period I wanted "Kalafina" to evolve even further.

Everyone brought all their music scores, and we went through the songs one by one looking for flaws. "Since I think we should be able to make the harmony here better, let's practice it!", for example. We worked diligently to fill in the holes. This half year was very densely packed. In that time our best albums came out, so that was also great.

At this time, I think the three of us are coming from the same standpoint.

How can we make our chorus work more beautiful? How can we show off Kalafina? That's all we think of.

I think the reason why we have the same feeling is because I was able to catch up with the others. Maybe the two of them were already waiting there, or maybe they came to the same spot with a different feeling and from a different route. But I think that we are now standing in the same position.

To perform in Nippon Budoukan was a dream ever since our debut, but of course even after the Budoukan live ended, we have been focusing on what comes next. We wanted to be the kind of artist who would be able to keep performing at Budoukan.

Now when I hear the question "What is Kalafina to you?", I answer "It's everything to me" and "Something that the three of us are creating".

Although the music is composed by Kajiura-san, Kalafina is also what the three of us show during lives, that I think it's also something that we create.

However, to the question of "What does Kalafina mean to you?", even now I can't express it clearly.

To me, it's something very precious, something that I want to continue forever, that's why I can't express it easily in words. To me, Kalafina has become indispensable, even over my own music, that maybe if I didn't have Kalafina I wouldn't even be able to sing anymore. I don't mean that I've become dependent on it, but there's so much within myself that I have yet to discover, and I don't want to end it until I've found everything.

Together with this, there are always fans who are waiting for us, that's why I was able to become who I am today. During lives, through the gazes and cheers of the audience, I can feel a very real sense of support.

A lot of the things said in letters and questionnaires are also very precious to us. Some fans have even told us, "Because we had Kalafina, we are who we are now". At that time, I would be very moved, but at the same time I would be in tears from the embarrassment of my own weakness. "Ah, there are people who really want this, so I have to work even harder" was what I felt. For those who always listen to us and provide their support, thank you very much.

No matter how old I become, I want Kalafina to continue. Kajiura-san has also said, "I want Kalafina to continue forever", and I really think that's a happy thing.

For me, as long as the three of us are around, I want to keep continuing, and if it's the three of us I think we can keep going on. That's how much I love Kalafina.





Wakana ● Raised in Fukuoka Prefecture. Had been learning vocal music since 12 years old, and has performed in many events since 17 years old. After moving to the capital, have been selected as a vocalist for FictionJunction in 2006, and was made in charge of the background music for the "Fist of the North Star ~Yuria's Story~" OVA. In 2007, became a member of Kalafina which started as a project for the "Garden of Sinners" theatrical anime theme songs. In charge of the melodies with her singing voice that evokes a sense of transparency



NOTE:

* - A special telephone directory similar to the Yellow Pages, but focuses mainly on Japanese-affiliated companies.



Translated by acmecrazyfool

Some reminders here For as long as I can remember, I have always loved singing.My family is made up of 4 members: my father, mother, elder brother and I. My mother was a piano teacher, so when I was young I sang children's songs accompanied by my mother's piano. A story I heard very often from my mom was about an incident during nursery school. We were singing a song called "Sea" with a line that went "The sea is wide, the sea is big", and I was the only one who got the lyrics wrong. However I sang it so loudly that everyone followed me and also sang it wrong (laughs). From that time on, I loved singing loudly.During primary school, I joined a boys and girls' choir. It was a childhood in which we sang as a matter of course. I continued with the choir until high school. What I wrote as my dream at the primary school graduation was to become a "singing comic artist". Since I often went with my mother to watch theater productions by "Shiki Theater Company", I thought of becoming an opera singer with that influence. However, I also really loved drawing, so I also wanted to be a comic artist. That's how the dream of becoming an "opera singer and comic artist" came about (laughs).I have listened to the albums of Shiki Theater Company a lot. I've even memorized all the lines and done some impressions of them. I watched a lot of their shows such as "Cats", "Lion King", among others, but I especially liked "Phantom of the Opera". I think I watched it four or five times. My favorite was the scene when the chandelier fell down, and my mom took me to see it many times.I think my mom and dad were the people who taught me the origins of music. My mom hasn't only listened to piano and children's songs and operas, she has also listened to a lot of oldies pop music, and my dad also loves music so he often played his guitar. That's why when I came back from school, I would often hear 50's to 70's music like The Beatles being played at home. Since I like songs from Neil Sedaka, Nat King Cole, and such, it seems like I would somehow end up humming them.Even now, when those songs get played, I would think "Oh, it's that song", and it would make me happy to hear them. People around me who are older than I am would often ask "Why do you know that song?!" in surprise.I didn't get along with my brother who was three years older than me during our middle and high school years. Of course I had to study, but I was aiming to be a singer. However my brother always thought it was better to graduate from university and start a proper career, so I think he was worried that I was chasing some obscure dream. Nowadays though, my brother and I are very close. Now that I think about it, when I was 16 or 17 years old, I thought "My teenage years are going to end soon" and I got very impatient. That's why I was a bit rebellious I think.After that, the time when I really decided I wanted to sing, and sing for a living, was after I encountered Whitney Houston.I first knew about her around the end of my first year in high school. It was the first time I heard that kind of singing. "I want to be able to sing like that!", that's what I thought.By that time, I had already realized that my dream of becoming a manga artist and opera singer was quite unrealistic, that although I still entered the art club and loved drawing, I have understood that I did not have the talent to make that into my job. So while going through high school, I started attending a singing school in Fukuoka.I found the singing school from "TOWN PAGES*", you know. I had also started part-time work so I told my parents I would pay the school fee, and I started attending the singing school while still in high school. It would be fair to say that my life was changed by "TOWN PAGES" (laughs).At that time, I was greatly influenced by many artists, including Whitney Houston of course, and also Hikaru Utada and MISIA.I had learned a bit about vocal music in middle school, so I thought I could use that kind of voice as a weapon somewhere. However I also admired Whitney's voice, which could reach songs in high key while still singing lightly, so I thought I had to learn to sing like that eventually.After that, in order for me to focus on singing school, I went to a distance education high school, and decided to seriously pursue a career in music.I couldn't do anything else. I didn't have anything else worth of merit. I could only sing, and whatever I did, I was never able to continue except for singing. That's the only thing I could do, that's how I thought.Anyway, I had a vague confidence in myself. After all, I had received an audition from Sony, and facing the camera, I said, "I'll definitely pass! If I don't get in, everyone will regret it!" That video is probably still around somewhere. When I think about it now, I was really scary when I was younger (laughs). However, I ended up failing twice.At that time, I was doing 5-10 auditions a month. Sending tapes and waiting for responses, I did all those very earnestly.And then, one of the auditions went ahead from then on for about half a year, that I lived in Fukuoka and Tokyo in something like a trial period where I recorded lots of different types of songs. Half a year later, I entered my current company, Spacecraft, and at that time, I thought I would be able to debut very quickly. I didn't really think about how things would go afterwards.At that time, I couldn't help but have fun every day. Coming to Tokyo, everything seemed to sparkle. It was fun to talk about recordings, and everything was enjoyable. I felt like I was on top of the world.But thinking back, it was what happened later that was really important. At the time, I didn't even take care of the basic things properly. I did not practicing before the recordings. It's something that's unthinkable for me now.If I could speak to my past self at that time, I would want to tell her "Place your feet firmly on other things and make a sturdy foundation!". "If you stop here, you'll be digging a hole for yourself!", something like that. It was a huge hole that took about 2-3 years to get out of. Working so hard, I had to seriously and thoroughly fill it in.When I was younger, for some reason I was always confident that I thought, "It'll be fine. If something goes wrong, I'll deal with it then!", but that's all gone now.After all, without giving up nor giving in, I have to keep trying. Having the determination to continue on is something which I think is very important.The first time I worked with Kajiura Yuki-san was on "Fist of the North Star: The Legends of the True Savior" (OVA) soundtrack. Credited as FictionJunction WAKANA, it was just one song, a Japanese song.At that time, it was just a fun thing. I didn't even think about the way I was singing, and didn't feel the difficulty of the song. I remember thinking "That should be good enough" and being satisfied. Of course, I think there was a lecture on the small details, but I think Kajiura-san's songs have always been easy for me to sing. For example, even if I understood that the song required some classical components, I was told "Here you should show off your voice and sing loudly. Please imagine as if a fairy was singing it", so I just put that image in my head while singing and told myself, "That's good enough, I want it like that."The first time I met Keiko was also before Kalafina had started. It was at an event organized by my office's boss. It was held at Meguro Restaurant on a Friday night, and a kind of event where the newcomer girls at the office would freely choose songs to perform for the others.At that time, I think I sang a lot of the songs which I had sung at some auditions. Celine Dion's "To Love You More" and Chihiro Onitsuka's "月光 (Moonlight)" were my standards. I think I also sang "Amazing Grace".Keiko was among the girls around the same age that I met that night. I don't think we talked much at the time though, and I didn't get to sing with her either. However, the fact that from that encounter, even until now, we are still singing and doing activities together as members, I can feel a mysterious force that binds us together.Even when Kalafina had started, the nature of the project was very unclear, and I accepted it without knowing the nature of the auditions and such details. At that time I met Keiko again after a long time, however all I knew was that we would be performing the theme song for some theatrical anime, and I thought that one of us would surely win the audition.However, when they told us about the results, they said, "Both of you passed, so we'll debut you two together", that I got really shocked. Anyway, I was very happy to be able to debut, so the two of us went to a café in Shibuya, I remember trying to find out when the work would be made public, as well as other details. With that sort of feeling, we recorded and released a CD in a surprisingly short time.At that time, we didn't know how many members Kalafina would have in the future; we were singing as a duo now but the next song could have been a solo for either one of us for all we knew. Even after Hikaru joined, there was always a possibility of more people joining; it was an uncertain structure at the beginning. Even so, I was happy that we could release a CD. All I thought about was I had to grab this chance. I didn't think about anything after that. "空の境界 (Garden of Sinners)" was made up of 7 chapters, so when the 7 movies ends, there was always this thought somewhere that Kalafina could end at any time, but it was a scary thought that I never told anyone about.After that, when the 7 movies were over we released our first album with our last song "seventh heaven" as the title. When I heard that we would sing another song entitled "Lacrimosa" and release it simultaneously with the album, I thought "Oh, so we're continuing this", and I had a feeling of "Hurray!". I remember doing a victory dance with Keiko and Hikaru (laughs).And then, Kalafina geared towards doing lives.Even now, I can still remember very clearly the first time I stood on stage. Actually, it was slightly before this. The first time Kalafina went on stage was during the collaboration project between Sound Horizon's Revo and Kajiura-san called "Dream Port".In the first CD jacket photograph, we wore veils, so we also appeared with veils at that time during the live. I could see the guests through that veil. Having felt that, I became all the more nervous. After all, our first live was in a big hall. I totally lost sight of myself.And then after that, timed with the release of "Lacrimosa", we started doing regular monthly lives at a place called morph-Tokyo in Roppongi, with about 200 people. That live became a huge chance for us.To sing raw in an arena with guests, for the first time I was able to observe our three-man performances objectively.Recording and lives are completely different. For recordings, since it's a kind of work in which we enter the booth at different times then put things together carefully, there isn't much chance to sing together. Suddenly changing that to a live format, there's no way we could be good at it immediately.It was that time when I totally lost my unfounded confidence.There were so many skilled people around me, that it felt really painful when I compared and found myself lacking. Even when I couldn't become better, I didn't understand why I couldn't do it, and I often ran into an impasse.It was during that time when we did our first Asia tour, which marked the start of our live performances overseas. Even though I didn't have much confidence, we were moving on to the next step. I felt like I was being washed away.At that time, it was a big thing just to not give up standing with the three of us on stage. If at some point I had said "Sorry, it's impossible!", I don't think today's Kalafina could have existed. That was thanks to the support of the other two, as well as the staff around me. I was only really encouraged by others.At the time, I don't think I fully understood what Kalafina meant to me.It was 2 years after our debut, so I was asked that question many times during interviews. However, at that time I answered something like, "Right now it's something that I'm working hard towards. I'm trying to work towards an ideal Kalafina now."However, around the time of our 2nd album "Red Moon", I started getting lots of requests for "Kalafina's Wakana", that I began to see how Kalafina was associated with myself, and started thinking "Is it really okay to keep going like this?" After that, during the third album "After Eden", I hit a huge wall.That was "I can't sing the way I want". Due to my singing skill, I couldn't sing in the ideal way that I wanted. During recordings, I couldn't sing well and even troubled Kajiura-san, and this became a big problem.Even though I thought I was trying my best, the results weren't coming so it seemed meaningless. It was hard enough with just the recordings, that there was no way I could have handled lives. The time when our third album was the peak of my problems.For me, that most problematic was the theme song of "After Eden", which is "Eden". I couldn't sing it the way I wanted at all.I also got some pretty strict words from Kajiura-san. However, I think it was because of those words that I could be here today. If not, I might have kept slipping down. Accepting my failings and thinking "I can't keep being like this" became the basis for the thought "I have to work harder for this".At the time of "After Eden", I became very highly strung during lives. I kept assuming too much that it would be difficult, that I have thought, "I might not be able to sing this" every time. I became very pessimistic about this.That's why "Eden" is one of my favorite songs now. Because it was a difficult song for me, I practiced it so many times and did so much work on it, that I can always sing it comfortably now, I think. There are many Kalafina songs like this each time. What sort of song will come next time, which one will be the next "Eden" for me? That's how I always think.There were problematic periods as well after that. Both when "to the beginning" and "moonfesta" came out, I still felt like I hadn't grasped the actual feeling of these songs. Something inside me was still looking for the right direction, looking for something, but I didn't know what it was.The key that pulled me out of the mood of "searching for the image of Kalafina" was the song "ひかりふる (Light Falls)". At the start, this song was very difficult for me. That's why I thought that if I can do this song perfectly, I could accept that. Kajiura-san thought the same way when she told me "Wakana-chan, try to do Hikari Furu perfectly"."Let's clear the difficulties one by one", and work on the minute details thoroughly. Once I did that, I thought "I've finally got it!". By understanding the song "Hikari Furu", I also finally saw my place in the group. That was where I changed. I felt refreshed.The response I got for "Hikari Furu" was huge, and it's a very important song for me.Of course, even now I'm searching for the music inside me. Every time, when I get the feeling of "this part might be difficult" from a new song, I think "I want to see a new Kalafina that can sing this", and it became something that is not painful any more. I used to be afraid of challenges, but now I've learned that I can evolve with every challenge. Because of this, it's become fun to find my own weaknesses.In 2014, we completed our 6th anniversary lives, and after that we had FictionJunction activities, that we didn't have any Kalafina's live activities for half a year. At that time I thought about a lot of things, but in this period I wanted "Kalafina" to evolve even further.Everyone brought all their music scores, and we went through the songs one by one looking for flaws. "Since I think we should be able to make the harmony here better, let's practice it!", for example. We worked diligently to fill in the holes. This half year was very densely packed. In that time our best albums came out, so that was also great.At this time, I think the three of us are coming from the same standpoint.How can we make our chorus work more beautiful? How can we show off Kalafina? That's all we think of.I think the reason why we have the same feeling is because I was able to catch up with the others. Maybe the two of them were already waiting there, or maybe they came to the same spot with a different feeling and from a different route. But I think that we are now standing in the same position.To perform in Nippon Budoukan was a dream ever since our debut, but of course even after the Budoukan live ended, we have been focusing on what comes next. We wanted to be the kind of artist who would be able to keep performing at Budoukan.Now when I hear the question "What is Kalafina to you?", I answer "It's everything to me" and "Something that the three of us are creating".Although the music is composed by Kajiura-san, Kalafina is also what the three of us show during lives, that I think it's also something that we create.However, to the question of "What does Kalafina mean to you?", even now I can't express it clearly.To me, it's something very precious, something that I want to continue forever, that's why I can't express it easily in words. To me, Kalafina has become indispensable, even over my own music, that maybe if I didn't have Kalafina I wouldn't even be able to sing anymore. I don't mean that I've become dependent on it, but there's so much within myself that I have yet to discover, and I don't want to end it until I've found everything.Together with this, there are always fans who are waiting for us, that's why I was able to become who I am today. During lives, through the gazes and cheers of the audience, I can feel a very real sense of support.A lot of the things said in letters and questionnaires are also very precious to us. Some fans have even told us, "Because we had Kalafina, we are who we are now". At that time, I would be very moved, but at the same time I would be in tears from the embarrassment of my own weakness. "Ah, there are people who really want this, so I have to work even harder" was what I felt. For those who always listen to us and provide their support, thank you very much.No matter how old I become, I want Kalafina to continue. Kajiura-san has also said, "I want Kalafina to continue forever", and I really think that's a happy thing.For me, as long as the three of us are around, I want to keep continuing, and if it's the three of us I think we can keep going on. That's how much I love Kalafina.Wakana ● Raised in Fukuoka Prefecture. Had been learning vocal music since 12 years old, and has performed in many events since 17 years old. After moving to the capital, have been selected as a vocalist for FictionJunction in 2006, and was made in charge of the background music for the "Fist of the North Star ~Yuria's Story~" OVA. In 2007, became a member of Kalafina which started as a project for the "Garden of Sinners" theatrical anime theme songs. In charge of the melodies with her singing voice that evokes a sense of transparency NOTE:* - A special telephone directory similar to the Yellow Pages, but focuses mainly on Japanese-affiliated companies.Translated bySome reminders. Kindly read carefully. Tags: !translation, kadokawa: all-out feature kalafina, kalafina: wakana ootaki, year/month: 2015.02 saigonosora hsjluv93 26 summer apples

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