First clean a spot on your bunker's workshop table, and collect the supplies you'll need;

As you can see, what you'll need is surprisingly simple - but extremely effective! As the US Government Department of Defense learned, the most important aspect of complete Stealth technology shielding is LAYERING OF MATERIALS! Each material used has it's own specific function, from heat dissipation to absorbing of radar waves. Here's your list;

- Hardshell Bicycle Helmet

- Hanging planter with coconut fiber

- Copper mesh

- Lead sheets

- Spray glue

- Copper wire

- Extra-long twist ties

- Hot glue gun

- First, you're going to need a good quality HARDSHELL bicycling helmet - not one of those thin and flimsy ones worn by limp-wristed forriners in the Tour de Frants!

The helmet is your critical piece of equipment; first of all, it is designed to fit firmly and comfortably on your head for hours at a time - secondly, it forms the strong base for your other materials. But it's most important role is the materials it's made from; first, a thick layer of expanded polystyrene foam - this is the material used in thermonuclear warheads to absorb X-Rays. The hard outer shell of the helmet is made of advanced polycarbonate, which is used as most of the inner, heavy body material and framing for the B-2 Stealth bomber, and F-117 Stealth fighter. It allows the passage and non-reflecting of micro-heterodynic radar waves in the .7 to 8.9 Angstrom wavelengths.

Next, you need to go to your local garden store (or steal one from Mom's patio) and pick up a plant hanger with coconut fiber batting;

Yes, yes I know this is strange, but it has a twofold purpose; first, the coconut fiber is an excellent absorber of not only well documented Mu-Rays, but also many other less well known government mind-control rays. This is due to the rays being designed to work on an organic brain, and once they strike the thick, twisted matter of the fiber matting, the rays are deflected, 'lost' and absorbed into the myriad labyrinthine pathways of the brain-like fiber. This is commonly known as the 'Bobbilink' esper, as it was discovered in 1922 by Swiss scientist Otto von Bobbilink while he was doing reseach and experimentations on mentalism for Pierre Curie.

Here you will need a heavy-quality spray glue, for attaching the coconut to the helmet. Give the surface of the helmet, and the side of the fiber you'll be attaching each a good spray covering of the glue, let them sit for about 1 minute, then press the fiber onto the helmet to make a secure connection. (Note that the spray glue contains acetone, cyclohexane, and petroleum distillates - all additional useful Stealth materials)

Once the glue has dried, give a light overall glue spray to the top layer of the fiber, and place the plant holder frame on top. The frame does not serve any electromagnetic function, but is merely used as the framing for your additional materials, and other connecting uses.

What's also great about the planter frame is that it functions as a 'bowl' guide to trim the rough edges of the fiber with - JUST LIKE HOW YOU CUT YOUR HAIR! So the system should be familiar to you. You want to present a neat appearance to your fellow CTers.

Before going any farther, another item you'll need is a length of copper wire, approx. 2 feet longer than you are tall. Copper speaker wire will work fine - you need to strip both ends of the wire about 3 inches. Wrap or solder one end around the planter frame, and allow the other end to contact the ground as you walk, or wrap it around a piece of bare metal furniture or shelving while you sit at your computer and blog at Free Republic / Redstate. This will 'ground' you, and disperse all electrical or static charges that might build up on the metal parts of your hat, keeping you from being detected by government electromagnetic aura detectors.

At this point, you may need to use the extra-long twist tabs to attach the planter frame to holes in the bike helmet, if it doesn't feel stable enough for you. Multiple connecting points are best.

Next step is to use a hot glue gun to run glue onto the planter frame (or continue to use the spray glue if you don't have a glue gun), and begin attaching the copper mesh all over the surface of the frame and fiber.

The copper mesh acts as your 'Faraday Cage', keeping all electromagnetic signals (especially government EMP 'burst' attacks designed as long range lobotomizers) on the copper surface. Attaching the grounding wire will dissipate them safely to the ground!

And finally, it's time to apply your first and best line of defense - your lead shielding! Over the years many people have laughably referred to 'tinfoil' hats as being silly and ridiculous - which in truth they are! Neither tin nor more commonly used aluminum has an atomic density heavy enough to guard against either telepathy, long distance X-Rays, Mu-Rays, EMP bursts, or mind-control rays. YOU MUST ONLY USE LEAD! I cannot stress this enough. Even Superman can't see through it! And thin lead sheets are easily found at electronics supply shops - they're a little pricey, but what's more important to you; that government 'scrip' which will soon be worthless anyway once Doomsday hits, or a clear, brilliant, thinking brain? I think you know the answer.

Use the spray glue or hot glue to give a good coating, or series of attach points, to the underlying copper mesh and frame. Carefully press the lead sheeting over the entire surface, also taking care to fold it underneath. Take your time and be neat - you want to impress your friends and family with your DIY handiwork, and look good when you wear it out for a SAFE, UNCONTROLLED night on the town!

Congratulations friend - you've done it! You've remained free. You and others like you are the last hope for this country, and the world. You've made us proud! Now go out and enjoy the beauty and PURE FREEDOM of the U.S. of A., the way God intended.