I can see how this must have been hard for you.

Disgraced comedian Louis CK has referenced his history of sexual misconduct for the first time since returning to standup, telling an audience in New York he “lost $35 million in an hour” and had been to “hell and back” since he admitted to masturbating in front of several women without their consent. And yeah, my heart bleeds for you dude.

The comedian made an unannounced appearance at the West Side Comedy Club last week to try out some new material. He reportedly opened his set by remarking that he’d had “a weird year” that included being booed in the street and having random people tell him that they hate him. He also joked that he met Hitler during his stay in hell.

“It’s like he didn’t even skip a beat with the year he had,” comedian AMarie Castillo, who was hosting the night, told Laugh Spin. “He was so genuine and reflected on how weird his year was, tried out some new dark and dirty material … sounds to me he is owning up, acknowledging, and trying to figure it out.”

CK has been slowly dipping his toes back into the standup scene over the last couple of months, and his re-emergence has divided the comedy world. According to Castillo, he received a warm reception during his latest performance. But many comedians have voiced their displeasure at how quickly he seems to have been forgiven.

Louis C.K. should open for Donald Trump #makecomedygreatagain — Hannah Gadsby (@Hannahgadsby) October 3, 2018

I’m still on the same shampoo bottle as when louis ck’s time out started — Sarah Lazarus (@sarahclazarus) August 28, 2018

You know the old saying “if you don’t want to do the time, don’t do the crime. Alternatively be a man in comedy, and you can do the crime, give it a minute and everyone is chill” https://t.co/Tj8GtNIs2v — Nish Kumar (@MrNishKumar) August 28, 2018