Once again, religious leaders are suddenly experts in science! FAIL. We just saw how the research that supported the theory that being gay is a choice, which can be changed through therapy, is a giant bungle or horsecrap. But now New York’s newly installed Archbishop Timothy Dolan finds himself turning to the very science that’s responsible for disproving creationism as a legitimate excuse for denying gays and lesbians the right to marry.

“There’s an in-built code of right and wrong that’s embedded in the human DNA,” Dolan tells the New York Post. “Hard-wired into us is a dictionary, and the dictionary defines marriage as between one man, one woman for life, please God, leading to the procreation of human life. And if we begin to tamper with the very definition of marriage, then we’re going to be in big trouble. We’re not anti-gay — we’re pro the most basic definition of marriage.”

Haha. Dolan is pro-marriage, everyone!

Remember when the dictionary that was hard-wired into us told us to use marriage as a means of property transfer? And then later, when that hard-wired dictionary was updated with v3.445b to make interracial marriage no longer some big ethical dilemma? And is it the uber-conservative Muslim world that is operating by a different dictionary — maybe they prefer Merriam-Webster to American Heritage — when they say wives must submit to their husbands sexual advances no matter what?

Oh, and this we love: “We’re not against gays. The Catholic Church would defend the human dignity of gay people. If gay people were being persecuted or their basic rights taken away—”

Well let us stop you there, Timothy. BECAUSE IT’S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. Where’s your statement about Iraq’s gays? Where is Pope Benedict’s?

Listen to Dolan’s entire bungled argument (around the 3:15 mark):