The Queensland Premier, Mr Strong Choices, has admitted that he may have – just may have, mind you – made a few mistakes, and that some people, some very stupid and ungrateful people, might have quite unreasonably punished him for their stupidity at the Stafford by-election. If it wasn’t their stupidity, it was the mendacity of the former sitting member, who turned against the Strong Choices Party, over the question of kicking government doctors in the ‘nads or the teeth.



“The former member just didn’t understand the strong choices we’ve had to make,” said Mr Strong Choices. “We had no choice but to kick those doctors in both the ‘nads and the teeth. Queenslanders who aren’t the stupid ones understand that. But unfortunately they weren’t voting on the weekend.”



Blaming most of the swing against the Strong Choices government on the shade of pink chosen for prison jump suits worn by naughty bikies, Mr Strong Choices admitted that perhaps pink wasn’t the strongest choice they could have made.



Mr Strong Choices addressed a stunned audience of Strong Choices supporters after it became clear their vote in Stafford had collapsed to one tenth of one percent of bugger all. Mr Strong Choices said, “We have had great success in making Queensland a safer place with pink jumpsuits. It was the right choice, the strong choice. Nevertheless we’ve had some feedback that some of the arrangements we put in place to deal with the bikies were not appropriate and we will be reversing those policy decisions. As of this week, pink jumpsuits will be replaced by pink onesies.”



Mr Strong Choices also conceded that the relationship between his very strong government and the very stupid legal fraternity was not as good as it could be. Bearing this in mind he promised the people of Stafford, and the people of Queensland who he was beginning to worry might be every bit as stupid as the people of Stafford, that he and Attorney-General Bleijie-Petersen would be meeting with all the stupid judges and lawyers who weren’t very happy with them to explain how nothing would change.



“We acknowledge that there has been some bad blood in recent times,” said Mr Strong Choices, “and I will therefore seek a meeting with the heads of the stupid legal profession, to sit down and really mend some fences, to actually sit down and very much recognise that we must work together and they must do as they’re told. I don’t think they’ve understood that so far and I take responsibility for their lack of understanding. I recognise now that nobody understands Mr Strong Choices because most of you just aren’t smart enough.”



The one thing Mr Strong Choices said would not be changing were the strong choices he had made about selling off assets and sacking thousands of people and undoing the Fitzgerald reforms. “The people of Stafford have shown themselves to be a bit dense, I admit that,” said Mr Strong Choices. “But that’s their problem, not mine. The only choices are strong choices and I’ll be making them no matter how stupid they are.”



The Premier’s office later released a clarification. The Premier meant the people were stupid, not the choices. The choices were awesome and he just didn’t know how people couldn’t see that. Stupid people.