‘I’ve never seen Star Wars’ the new ‘I’m a Vegan’

A man who has never seen Star Wars and isn’t going to see the new one seems to think that everyone wants to hear about it.

Lonely misanthrope Simon Williams, whose interests appear to include some sort of sport thingy featuring balls, labours under the delusion that other people are fascinated by how he has no interest in seeing the new Star Wars film.

Despite not caring about Star Wars, Simon has taken the time to track down more than half the people in his office and tell them exactly how much he doesn’t care and is expected to have got to everyone before the day is out.

Having ensured he’s told everyone how much he doesn’t care, he then intends to make sure they all know he has no plans to see the film.

“It’s just Doctor Spock on the Millennium Enterprise fighting orcs or something like that, isn’t it?” he told co-workers whilst blithely ignoring their weary expressions of contempt.

“What I don’t understand is why people get so worked up about something that has absolutely no relevance to their actual lives.

“They even dress up as their favourite characters. Can you believe that!

“Anyway, I can’t wait to go and see my team play on Saturday. I’ve got the centre-forward’s shirt that I like I wear.”