My first orgasm happened when I was 34 years old.

Before then I lived a seemingly normal life, I was married, had a successful job and friend circle, always happy just a little bit reserved. But behind that however, I was hiding from the world. For years and years I felt alone and ashamed of myself, ashamed that the big “O” moment was just unknown to me. And let me be clear – I mean no orgasm in any form, with a man, by myself, ever.

I mean, who doesn’t have orgasms, right? Was I the only one? To my surprise, there wasn’t a lot of research on the topic. There were a few publications and some medical information, but the actual research on the scope of the issue and what things were proven to help were just not there. So here comes the first reason why I want to establish this website: I want to start talking about the anorgasmia. We need more research and we need more help! Even with that, women who can’t climax yet will hopefully feel better.

Empathy’s the antidote to shame. The two most powerful words when we’re in struggle: me too. — Brene Brown

Despite feeling alone and like the most broken person in the world in the moments when I had to “admit” to a professional that I had never climaxed, I began seeking help. I have been working with doctors, sexological bodyworkers (thank God they are legal in California!), cognitive behavior therapists, talking with feminist sexology enthusiasts, attending classes at Esalen (a world-famous retreat center, which focuses on humanistic alternative education) and practical workshops on masturbation in private apartments in NYC. Years of my life, focus and attention were spent and I wasn’t able to get there.

I was ready to accept this and give up, but I decided to give one last try to another option – psychoanalysis, the most intense type of psychotherapy. And I am so glad I did! In my sessions, I was able to work through the shame of sexuality, all of the preconceived notions that I looked unattractive being sexual, the feeling that I am not deserving pleasure, and feeling like I am not worth it. Then finally one day it happened . . . I climaxed! It didn’t just happen at once, it happened over time by learning the technique, using all the knowledge I have acquired, and slowly building up levels of sexual pleasure. One day I felt something profound enough that it didn’t leave any doubts – it was the big “O” moment!

And now, having removed one of the main things that made me consider myself broken, my life has definitely changed for the better. But there was another realization: that my anorgasmia wasn’t such a big deal to be so worried about. Having gone through this long process and feeling so alone in this for most of my life, I want to make it easier for other women out there. Hopefully by sharing my experiences and gathering the experiences of others, women will have a resource to help them know that they aren’t alone and that there is help out there.

So, if any of this resonates with you, if you have ever overcome primary anorgasmia, or if you just want to connect, please reach out. Together we will start breaking the silence on anorgasmia!