Unless you’ve been living under a rock the past few days, you’ve likely heard of the guano crazy jogger in Colorado Springs, who has been defecating on people’s lawns. In public. In full view of children, pets, and other innocents. The Washington Post reported about a week ago that this daft bint has been squatting on one family’s property for the past several weeks, and even though the homeowner confronted her, she simply said “sorry,” and trotted off.

The family kept finding the runner’s poop, [Cathy] Budde said, and the dirty paper napkins she leaves behind. The apparently remorseless runner has pooped on the sidewalk in front of the Budde family’s home at least once a week for the past seven weeks, according to Budde. Once, Budde was able to take a picture, which showed a brunette woman running in a gray tank top and shorts.

Well, it turns out the brunette woman is not exactly that.

A man claiming to be “a family representative” for the now-infamous “Mad Pooper” in Colorado said the woman has a traumatic brain injury. The man posted two videos to YouTube, which have been deleted. He did not identify himself or the female jogger, whom he called “Shirley.” He said “Shirley,” who has not been caught yet, is sorry for defecating on lawns in Colorado Springs. He maintained she has the brain injury and that, after gender reassignment surgery, she can’t control herself, according to KRDO in Colorado Springs.

There’s a small part of me that’s giggling like a loon, proving once again that a 12 year-old boy is, in fact, my spirit animal.

But there’s a bigger part of me that wants to throttle both the “family representative” and the turd dropper.

Why? Because the former jackass claims the latter jackass’ actions are protected under the First Amendment.

Yes, you read that correctly. The “spokeshole” compares this crazy bitch taking a steaming #2 on someone’s property to breastfeeding in public!

I. Can’t. Even.

The nutty left proves once again that they a) don’t understand the concept of rights 2) fail to comprehend the meaning of the Bill of Rights iii) must make excuses for bad behavior, no matter how absurd, and D) have zero respect for the rights of others – and especially property rights, because they’re filthy hippies, who believe that owning property is oppression… or something.

Let’s start with the fact that gender reassignment surgery can’t cause a brain injury unless that rancid twat keeps her grey matter in her giblets.

I call bullshit.

Let’s also remember the standard, accepted definition of a “right” is something that exists simultaneously among all people, and imposes no obligation on others when exercised.

Yes, I have the right to free speech. I don’t have the right to force others to pay for my microphone, or any media I choose to exercise said right.

Yes, “Shirley” has the right to defecate. She certainly does NOT have the right to cop a squat on other people’s property, forcing them to clean up her hazardous, malodorous, repulsive waste.

Breastfeeding imposes no obligation upon others, other than that of non-interference. It certainly doesn’t force them to clean up a large, steamy dump from their property after a mother feeds her child. Additionally, a mother doesn’t have the right to trespass on private property in order to feed her infant either, let alone leave crapped on napkins for someone else to clean up.

But the spokeshole doesn’t seem to give a crap (pun fully intended) about private property, or the fact that his deranged buddy is leaving hazardous waste that could contain infectious diseases and worms and the like on someone else’s property. Like all unhinged leftists, he apparently feels “Shirley” has the right to violate other people’s rights, because “she” is trans and oh-so-fragile. Apparently he thinks she’s special, and therefore laws don’t apply to “her.”

She can’t control herself, he claimed.

Well, if that’s the case, keep that bitch on a leash and don’t let “her” out unsupervised. I don’t care if “she” is mentally ill, can’t control her bowels, transgender, pansexual, has Skittles pox, chlamydia, a brain injury, or a bad case of anal warts. Nothing gives “her” the right to empty her bowels on others’ property. Nothing gives “her” the right to force others to clean up her shit. Nothing gives “her” the right to expose herself in front of innocent children.

Being transgender doesn’t mean she has special rights and shouldn’t be arrested for fouling other people’s property.

Shirley isn’t special. “She” is merely a repugnant swine who shouldn’t be allowed outside without a guardian.