Get out when there are abuse signs - experts

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DURBAN - Walk out of abusive, violent relationships or else you might die, warn two gender-based violence experts after the recent killings of women by their intimate partners. Statistics show that one woman is killed every six days in South Africa. Many of these killings arise from abusive relationships. It often starts with a slap, says Lisa Vetten, who has worked in the field of violence against women for over 20 years. Vetten is a Mellon doctoral candidate at Wits City Institute. Her PhD seeks to provide a critical history of rape in South Africa. She said in some instances the families of abused women were guilty of putting pressure on them to stay in unhealthy relationships.

One woman who found herself in this situation was Nompumelelo Mthembu, 28, from Nongoma, northern KZN.

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Mthembu was allegedly stoned before her abusive partner, Siyabonga Buthelezi, poured petrol over her and set her alight. She died.

Nokubekezela Xulu, the deputy mayor of Nongoma who took Mthembu to hospital, recounted the incident that happened this month.

“Her severely burnt her face was beyond recognition. She cried all the way to the hospital,” said Xulu.

Members of the IFP’s Women’s Brigade visited Mthembu’s grandmother, Mavis KaMalinga-Sithole on Thursday.

For KaMalinga-Sithole the death of her granddaughter was devastating.

“I cry all the time, asking myself why she had to die in such a painful way,” she said.

Mthembu’s ordeal started in 2009 when Buthelezi allegedly raped her, before forcing her into a relationship with him.

She opened a case but her family is believed to have persuaded her to drop the charges in fear of Buthelezi’s family which is claimed to be powerful in the Nkunzana area in Nongoma.

She complied and dropped the charges.

Mthembu stayed with her grandmother in a mud rondavel. For them, making ends meets was a struggle. They survived on a social grant.

People in the village were shaken in March when Buthelezi assaulted Mthembu and inserted a knobkerrrie into her vagina.

She opened a case against him and he was on bail when he allegedly killed her.

Buthelezi did not turn up for his court appearance on Thursday and police have issued a warrant for his arrest. Local police have urged people who know his whereabouts to alert them.

Vetten said traditional leaders in rural areas where women were vulnerable needed to play a role in shielding them from abusive partners.

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Women often found themselves between a rock and hard place, she said.

“In most cases men would become humiliated when their partners dumped them and the only way to pay revenge is to kill their female partners.”

The perception that love conquered all was a myth as women often died at the hands of intimate partners, Vetten said.

Tina Thiart, founder of 1000 Women, an organisation that advocates for women’s rights, said that women often stayed silent when they were abused in the hope things would get better.

She said her organisation was running a selfie campaign on social media using the hashtag #enoughisenough and #iamenough.

SUNDAY TRIBUNE