They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but such is not true when it’s done by a fat, zit-faced loser with fedora tattoos who calls himself “Emperor Rhombus.” Because right now, plastered on the MetalSucks front page at the time of this writing, is a ridiculously obvious rip off of an editorial I did just a month ago. Seriously, the damn thing is worse than when Nile blatantly stole the melody from the Candlemass song “Well of Souls” in their “Unas Slayer of the Gods” mess of a track. Hell, it’s even worse than that top hat wearing Dimmu Borgir keyboardist replicating the piano from Magnum’s “Sacred Hour” and using it as the intro for Stormblast. But I guess that when your life is regulated to creeping out young girls at Selena Gomez concerts with your virgin-tier Electric Wizard shirt, you’re bound to spend much of your days fantasizing about being a true alpha badass like Brock Dorsey.

I was considering filing a lawsuit against MetalSucks over this plagiarism, but then I remembered that the overpriced Greenwich Village guitar shop owned by Matt Umanov (Ben/Vince Neilstein’s father) recently went out of business because his failure-in-life son couldn’t man up and take on the family business. Nope, Ben/Vince instead chose the path of using his site’s millions of web hits to promote communist ideology and not his family’s dying business. So in light of this, I decided not to put this family through any more misery that they are already enduring through their piece of shit offspring’s life choices.

Rhombus, if you’re gonna try to copy me, you can start by not being a fatass and getting your ass into the gym. Next, learn how to talk to women in a way that doesn’t leave them feeling immensely creeped out. After that, get a pseudonym that does not guarantee your permanent virginity (I know you look like a Rhombus, but you don’t need to remind the public of it every time they read your bullshit whinings). Then, find a real metal website to write for — one that won’t make you consume copious amounts of soy and adapt to whatever feminized mainstream progressive values are in style. And finally (and most importantly), fall on your face and beg the Lord for forgiveness, because it’s going to take a shitload of miracles to clean up your mess of a life!

Tags: beta males, copyright infringement, death metal underground, Emperor Rhombas, failures, idolatry, MetalSucks, plagiarism, progressives, sad, soy, soy metal