This is the story of how I managed to be in possession of an extremely rare pen from a Northern purveyor of broadband and telephony services. The story starts when the installation of my new fibre optic broadband was due to be installed, however, issues with BT Openreach (who do all of the connection stuff for Plusnet) meant that there was a delay of over three weeks leaving me completely without broadband.



As part of the deal I signed up to I was entitled to six months half price. I phoned up to enquire whether this would be backdated to take into account the delay with installation and got the following response: (note that any confidential information has been removed and staff names have been replaced by names of characters from 90s kids TV sitcom ‘Saved by the Bell’ in order for Plusnet staff to retain their anonymity)…

Well bill time came and imagine my surprise when I was still being charged when Kelly said that I would be getting my broadband for free, yes the cost of my broadband was £20 and I was pretty sure that this was an error, but thought that it would be worth seeing if I could get them to honour my 'free’ broadband…

Well it looked like I was not going to be able to blag free broadband out of Plusnet but having worked in Customer Service for a long time (although thankfully not any more) I know that you are more likely to get what you want if you are a bit of a dick…

It seems that Plusnet are not easily swayed by idle threats and I was met with a very stern response…

Well as you can see, they don’t take any shit at Plusnet, but alas, I had another trick up my sleeve. This trick involved me sending an email in which it would be easier to give me my free broadband than try and answer my ridiculous reply…

The reply that I got from them was not exactly what I was expecting…

Anyways, I decided that it was a nice change to have a non-template email from a company and A.C.’s response made me not want to complain any more, however, I didn’t want to come away with nothing as that would be admitting defeat. I decided that if I was not able get myself free broadband I would try for a free pen in order to retain my dignity. You get the idea now, so I will keep the narrative brief as the rest is kind of self explanatory…

This is the point when I ran out of male characters from 90s sitcom Saved by the Bell to substitute Plusnet staff names with. Any male names after this point have been replaced with character names from the less critically acclaimed spin off - Saved by the Bell: The New Class….

Nearly two weeks went by and I had heard nothing. I thought that my new found Plusnet friends had betrayed me but then this arrived through my door. Needless to say I was happy!….

In case this one is a little difficult to read, but I thought that the signing in glitter pen was a nice touch. Here is the text:

Dear Andy, You will find enclosed the mighty (and very rare) Plusnet Pen, we have all heard of the saying, the (Plusnet) Pen is mightier than the sword, this is true* (*Please do not try this as these might be rumours and could result in the pen wielder being hurt). I hope this pen provides you much joy (or atleast the same amount of joy reading your tickethas given us) We (The team that answer dealt with your query) wish you all the best and a future escalator free.

I thought that it was only polite to send them another email to advise them that my pen had arrived safely.

Here was the attachment that was sent with it. Yes I know that there was a typo, but I was quite emotional when I was writing it and was not really thinking straight…

This was my last reply from Plusnet…

So was it worth reading, I am not too sure, but a couple of my friends asked me to put all of this in one place. They are friends with me though so it is only right that their judgement is questioned. Apologies if I have just taken time away from your life which you will never be able to get back, it’s not that I really care though, I got a free pen!