THIS EXPLAINS IT, TOO. This is what happens when you fight a stranger in the Alps, Lane.

"I gotta go, David Shaw is crowbar-ing my car" is so much better than just walking out because someone asked about an injury, Lane.

NO YOU SHUT UP RIGHT NOW NO SERIOUSLY SHUT UP YOU'LL RUIN EVERYTHING. We know that this is a pure power ranking, but no, stop saying good things about Florida before they hear you and lose to Kentucky this weekend. (Via) In other news, Alabama can be beaten! Not by FAU! But it is in theory possible!

WINGARDIUM MARIOTA. It's only natural to teach proper pronunciation using Harry Potter references, particularly if you're dealing with the magical Oregon quarterback position.

WHO IS THAT GOOD NEWS FOR? Tyler Wilson has been cleared to play for Arkansas, and boy, should we really be happy about this for poor Tyler Wilson?

DIAMONDS ON THEIR NECKLACE. It's really another hassle you have to prepare for when facing Oklahoma, something Bill Snyder will overcome by unearthing some devilishly simple defensive scheme he unearthed from the 1926 Maryland playbook. We say unearthed because Bill Snyder was not a staff member on that team, nope, definitely not no matter how much you point to that guy who looks exactly like Bill Snyder standing on the sidelines in this photo from 1926, nope, no buddy, not him.

DON'T MAKE YOUR CUSTOMERS CRAWL THROUGH RAW SEWAGE. The Pac-12's fans--and they do exist--shouldn't be made to Shawshank themselves, as it were.

IN THINGS THAT SEEM TRUTHY. Whoo, this is sketchily sourced, so read it at your own risk, but Dabo ain't got time for tickets, man.

ETC: The idea of Deadpool kicking zombie dogs either delights you, or it doesn't. This song is what it Alabama football sounds like. Losing this train would have turned him from "awesome dad" to "total dick" in a matter of hours. Phil Simms has a serious drinking problem.