Let’s face it, we all have our morning addictions – some of us have to choke down a Venti black eye with two Splendas just so we don’t chop our bosses head off with a rusty butter knife when we get to work. Others need to rub one out in the shower with our girlfriend’s Vanilla Jasmine body wash to get our day started off right. And then there are those of us who, before we even drain the main vein, open our eyes, roll over, grab the trusty one-hitter of off the night stand, fire that sucker up and drag in a lungful of the good ole Grape Ape in order to put the right spin on our day. What many like to call – The Wake n’ Bake. Now, I’m more of a "Wake n' BATE" kind of guy myself but I have plenty of friends who need to get high before they climb out of bed. Some people may consider this a drug problem; I however, think they are genius. I mean, come on, can you think of a better time of day to get baked? These glorious Wake n’ Bakers have no problem getting stoned at 7:45 a.m., and in all honesty, I am jealous as hell. The Wake n’ Baker knows how to handle their weed, something I alas, do not. If I got high first thing in the morning there is no way in hell I could function for the rest of the day.

People at work would wonder why the fuck I was staring at my flying toaster screen saver for five hours while shoveling massive handfuls of Cheeze-Its into my pie-hole and giggling like a moron at everything my annoying born-again cubicle mate Tammy says (on second thought, maybe I should give this a try after all). Seriously, think about all the things you like to do first thing in the morning – eat cereal, watch kid’s shows, and suck down gallons of Sunny Delight. Now, think of all the things you like to do when you get blazingly high – eat cereal (either Fruity Pebbles or Coco-Puffs – Trix are for jag-offs), watch kids shows (“Yo Gabba Gabba” will blow your fucking mind – and teach you not to say mean things to friends, it’s not nice) and suck down gallons of Sunny Delight (I think they might put crack in Sunny D – it tastes like shit but I can never seem to get enough of it – especially when high). The Wake n’ Bake may not be for everyone, but for those of you who can and do, I say to you…Bravo! If you like to Wake n’ Meth though, you might have a serious hard core drug problem – but you will save money on toothpaste.