As pretty much everyone on the internet has reported, Oakland’s Family Radio has declared the rapture almost upon us! Apparently they’ve declared it before, back in 1994, but nothing happened except they added a prediction to their possible prediction rivalry with Jehovah’s Witnesses’ myriad end of days predictions through eschatology.

The obvious benefits of eternal salvation and damnation for the sinners also come with an added bonus: as ABC7 reports, Family Radio’s aggressive campaign has netted them over $100 million, much of it in donations. What terrible timing, to rake in that much dough RIGHT AS THE WORLD ENDS!

Says station president Harold Camping, who asserts that he does not get paid a salary, “it happens to be that we are the generation that is right at the end whether we like it or not. It’s absolutely going to happen.”

Camping was the one who previously predicted the nonexistent 1994 rapture, which was to occur in September of that year. According to his “complex biblical arithmetic”, an earthquake will rattle the world this weekend, the faithful will ascend to the heavens and the wicked universe will be annihilated within five months’ time.

According out our calendars, that makes for one hell of a Halloween once the rapture concludes October 21. See you at the looting party!

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