SPOILERS AHEAD. Australia was centre-stage for the most embarrassing moment of the 2017 Eurovision Song Contest, with a reveller draped in an Aussie flag crashing the stage during a performance — and promptly dropping his dacks.

The surprise flasher came during a performance by Ukrainian singer Jamala, who entertained the crowds as votes were being tallied.

Clambering on stage and reaching for his belt, the overexcited reveller turned around and waved his butt for a worldwide audience of millions - before security guards crash-tackled him off the stage.

If you’re cringing on behalf of Australia right now, take comfort in this: The flasher was not an Aussie. News Corp music writer Kathy McCabe is on the ground in Kiev, and has the scoop:

Eurovision streaker not an Australian but Ukrainian journalist — Kathy McCabe (@McCabeRadar) May 13, 2017

The #Eurovision stage invader was serial pest Vitalii Sediuk NOT Australian. We live to sing another day — Kathy McCabe (@McCabeRadar) May 13, 2017

Lot of people ask why Australia is in #Eurovision. The explanation is simple - BECAUSE EUROVISION SHUT UP pic.twitter.com/YMYDzjxA96 — BBC Eurovision (@bbceurovision) May 13, 2017

Now to those on the Eurovision stage who actually kept their clothes on:

The winner

Portugal’s Salvador Sobral romped it home thanks to his magnetic performance of the ballad Amar Pelos Dois. It was the country’s first Eurovision win in 53 years, and it came with a touching backstory to boot: Salvador has a heart condition that meant he couldn’t leave his home country in time for the rehearsals, with his sister Luisa - who wrote the song - standing in for him until he could get there.

GO HOME EUROPE. Salvador Sobral and his sister have already won #Eurovision for Portugal #ESC2017 #POR pic.twitter.com/xrSNXyMFoD — Sarah Doran (@sarahisnothere) May 9, 2017

This brother-sister duo are the cutest, and it’s clear Salvador adores his sis - he even insisted she join him on stage for his victory performance, turning the song into a duet as she sang along.

But Salvador’s victory speech left a sour taste for many, as he chalked his win up as a triumph for “real music”, saying that you “don’t need fireworks” to impress at Eurovision.

Salvador, this is EUROVISION. Let us have our fun shiny things.

You can't lose Eurovision if you trash pop music after you've already won pic.twitter.com/LgJcj8eEXP — Jonno🚶 (@EvenBIGGERjonNo) May 13, 2017

Aussies represent

While Isaiah didn’t scale the heights of Dami Im, he did manage a very respectable top 10 placing with his performance of Don’t Come Easy coming in ninth. Aussie Voice winner Anja fared less well competing for Denmark - she came 20th. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: A REUNITED BARDOT WOULD CONQUER EUROVISION FOR AUSTRALIA.

Israel quits live on air

Well this was dramatic. As each country’s votes were tallied, Israel’s representative took their moment to announce that the country is quitting Eurovision. “This is IBA, Channel 1 calling from Jerusalem. For the past 44 years, Israel has participated in the Eurovision Song Contest, winning three times,” he told the hosts.

“But tonight, is our final night, shortly IBA will shut down its broadcasting forever, so on behalf of all of us here in IBA, let me say thank you Europe for all the magical moments and the beautiful years.”

Mic drop.

Yodelling and rap ...

… really don’t go together. Sorry, Romania’s Illinca feat. Alex Florea, but your ‘Rapodelling’ was hard to sit through. Aussie commentators Myf Warhurst and Joel Creasey charitably described it as “gorgeous.” The rapper, they revealed, had “never done rap before Eurovision.”

And just to make sure they were remembered for all the wrong reasons, the pair ended with the world’s most awkward kiss:

Why I no longer date men pic.twitter.com/osjX1D3KHv — HannahJane Parkinson (@ladyhaja) May 13, 2017

Hunks ahoy

Israel’s IMRI opened the show with a wobbly falsetto — but serious 90s boy band moves. Only at Eurovision can you rock a mesh muscle tee and still expect to be taken seriously.

As for Sweden’s striking Robin Bengtsson, let’s leave it to Myf, practically moaning from the commentary booth: “I can’t speak. I Can’t Go On is the name of his song, and that’s how I feel every time I see him.”

Priscilla the gorilla

Italy’s Francesco Gabbani came armed with one of the night’s catchiest tunes with the upbeat Occidentali’s Karma. Clearly not one for understatement, he then furnished the performance with a skivvy-clad troupe of backing singers who looked like the Wiggles, a simple ‘Try it at home’ dance routine - and a dancing gorilla (named Priscilla). No, we don’t know why either.

Not to be outdone, Azerbaijan’s Dihaj performed her song while being watched from on high by a dude wearing a horse head, perched on a ladder.

It was a metaphor for an abusive relationship, Myf and Joel helpfully explained. Of course.

Pony power

The men’s high-knot pony tail is alive and well in Europe, as evidenced by Hungary and Portugal’s entries.

But spare a thought for Montenegro’s amazing Slavko Kalezic, a man blessed with a ponytail so spectacular when whipped around it could be used as a renewable energy source. Poor old Slavko didn’t make it past the semi-finals. HE WUZ ROBBED.

Simply deep

The ‘Croatian Pavarotti’, Jacques Houdek, opened his treacly tune with a bit of spoken word, delivered earnestly to camera: “There are only two ways to live your life,” he told the world.

“One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though EVERYTHING is a miracle.”

The more you know.

me retweeting myself pic.twitter.com/CQT3vSPc9H — pepe silvia (@peachishwill) May 13, 2017

If you don’t take Eurovision seriously enough to get up at 5am on a Sunday to watch it live, you can tune in for the prime-time recast from 7:30pm tonight on SBS.