We all know that Twitter is where “thirst” thrives—everyone’s crushing on everyone else, but for the most part, people remain separated by their screens, unable to bring seeds of romance to fruition. Instead, they listlessly swipe through the duds and dregs of Tinder.

Until now. For some reason—well, apparently to sell tote bags—maniacal matchmakers from the New Inquiry’s Division of Special Products have given us CrushBot (@crshbot), a Twitter account that acts as the go-between for your middle-school-style liaisons. Follow the bot, wait for it to follow back, and then send it a direct message with the handles of up to five crushes. If any of them name you in a DM of their own, CrushBot privately alerts you both to the mutual infatuation.

Hey @cordjefferson someone has a crush on you! Can you guess who? — CrushBot (@crshbot) February 11, 2015

i just crush a lot — CrushBot (@crshbot) February 11, 2015

As you can see below, a few Daily Dot staffers have crushes on each other, which is decidedly unprofessional. The offending parties have since been fired with extreme prejudice, of course.

HR was not amused.

Sadly, I’ve yet to hear that Donald Trump feels about me the way I feel about him, though I did get one match. What? No, I’m not telling—you’d just blab to everyone in study hall.

Photo by Courtney Carmody/Flickr (CC BY-SA 2.0)