It’s hard to process trauma. When we’re hurt, it lingers. And if we’re lucky, we can let go.

Fortunately for Jessica Walter, she was able to do just that. Sitting down in a conversation with The New York Times, Walter finally got her moment of relief from when Jeffrey Tambor screamed at her on the set of Arrested Development.

“I have to let go of being angry at him," Walter said in part, and proceeded to tell the Times: "In like almost 60 years of working, I’ve never had anybody yell at me like that on a set. And it’s hard to deal with, but I’m over it now."

On the internet, Tambor’s actions against Walter spread like a wildfire. People were mad. They deserved to be. When news got out of Tambor’s outburst, it not only spoiled the moment of Arrested Development’s return, but it also tarnished the memories of those who have watched for years.

But that’s not all Jeffrey Tambor has been accused of.

In October of 2017, Van Barnes, an assistant to Tambor on the Amazon series Transparent, accused Tambor of sexually harassing her. By November, Trace Lysette, an actress on the show, also accused Tambor of sexual harassment.

In response to these claims, Amazon launched an internal investigation. It was alleged that Tambor had watched Barnes while she slept, told Lysette that he wanted to attack her sexually, and thrusted his penis, through his clothes, onto Lysette during a taping.

By February of 2018, Tambor had been fired from Transparent, but his alleged actions didn't prevent Netflix from going ahead with plans to release the fifth season of Arrested Development, which had wrapped in November 2017 just as Barnes was making her first allegations.

This has me wondering. Is the opportunity to let go of trauma a privilege?

Trauma is inherently layered and nuanced. Trauma holds onto us tight. It claims us. Trauma scolds us when we least expect it and alters our past as much as it shifts our future. In short, trauma can control us.

So, what does it take to let go of trauma?

For some, it’s time. Over an espresso in a tiny café, a barista once told me, “Time heals all wounds. Sometimes you just need a bigger dose.”

For others, it’s validation. It eases the pain when numerous people are recognizing what you've been through, while dozens of articles are being written about why what was done to you was wrong.

And for most of us, it’s an apology.

Barnes and Lysette have none of these, nor does Rain Valdez, a Filipina-American trans actress on Transparent who recently alleged that Tambor forcibly kissed her, but whose accusations have received even less attention than the two other women who had previously accused Tambor.

Why is that? Is it because Walter has more experience on screen? Is it because Arrested Development is more popular than Transparent? Is it because yelling at a woman on set is somehow worse than being accused of sexually harassing three women?

No, of course not.

Is it because when given an opportunity, as a society, we will devalue the experiences of trans women over cis women? Yeah. That sounds right.

Are we paying attention? If news of Walter’s pain on Arrested Development spread like a roaring wildfire then Tambor’s alleged sexual harassment of Barnes and Lysette was more like a light breeze on partly cloudy day.