Anonymous asked you: Hey Max. Got any tips for working Okcupid? If I remember correctly, you and Jenn met through that service and I’m sure you don’t regret it. So far I have messaged 10 girls and only one has responded. All of these girls are well within my league and I’m not a terrible looking dude. Also, I’m looking more to hook up than to do serious dating. What Am I doing wrong?

First of all, it seems like you’re thinking in terms of numbers and leagues and averages instead of approaching the situation like you’re dealing with other human beings. OkCupid isn’t like eBay for meeting chicks, it’s not like eventually you’re gonna be the winning bidder.

If one out of ten women replies to you, talk to her. See where it goes. Or don’t. But if you’re frustrated with your results, go over your other nine messages and try to figure out why they went unanswered; what did you say, and to whom? Realistically, without beating yourself up or demonizing a woman you’ve never met, try to theorize why you would be deemed unappealing. Trial and error only works if you take different approaches and recognize what doesn’t work.

Second, you’re not a terrible looking dude? That’s awesome. I’m sure there are tons of not-terrible-looking women who’ll settle for dudes who aren’t terrible looking. But why the hell should they? If you’re not a total dreamboat, then sell yourself with your most flattering photos and make up the difference by being charming in your profile and messages.

Again, you’re dealing with human beings. Women aren’t a theme park ride with a “you must be this handsome to ride” requirement, or enemies in a JRPG that you can’t defeat until you’re above level 20 and have the chaos gauntlets equipped or some shit.

Finally, if you’re just looking to hook up, go to a bar or a club, or join Tinder or Adult Friend Finder or something. OkCupid is a dating site, most of the women on there are looking for guys who are at least open to the possibility of serious dating.

I don’t mean to come down hard on you (hyuk hyuk “hard-on”) but it sounds like you’re expecting OkCupid to be some kind of GrubHub for pussy, where two out of every three girls you message immediately replies pleading for you to take them out to dinner at Olive Garden and shove your not-terrible-looking tongue down their throats.

Possibly the single most important principle of sex, dating, or even just friendship is to be the type of person that you’d want to have sex with, date, or be friends with. This doesn’t mean to be fake, or pander to other people, but keep things in perspective. Being yourself is great, unless you suck.



I mean, Jeffrey Dahmer was just being himself. And nobody wanted to fuck him, so he had to abduct Filipino teenagers, drill holes in their heads, and pour acid into their brains to turn them into “Sex Zombies.” And obviously that didn’t work, because why the fuck would it? So he just wound up dying alone. In a prison bathroom. Beaten to death with a mop handle because nobody liked him.