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I feel like Botch would be the HHH of the battle royal. Sledgehammer in hand, spitting water into the air, his entrance taking five minutes as he soaks it all in.

iMac would be Roman Reigns, of this I have no doubt.

Tony Gallagher? Easy, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan. Just picture him cutting down Trevor Linden on commentary and tell me it doesn’t bring a tear to your eye.

“It’s a dog-eat-dog world, and Trevor Linden is a Milk Bone!”

Steve Ewen would be Dean Malenko, the guy has so many moves.

Ryan Biech, Daniel Bryan sans beard, working his way up through hard work.

Daniel Wagner, I don’t know why, but I’m gonna go with him being Dude Love.

Dhaliwal would be the Anonymous Raw GM, chiming in with random updates.

JD Burke would be Eric Bischoff; I can see him smirking from here as he fires your favourite wrestler.

Jeff Paterson would be announcer Vince McMahon, back before he became “the boss.”

(Yes, this means eventually Jeff is going to get hit in the head with a bedpan once he takes control of the Canucks.)

Andrew Walker, without a doubt, would be Randy Orton, dropping into your tweets outta nowhere, booting people in the head randomly.

Sat would be Ravishing Rick Rude, telling all the ladies in the audience to pay attention to what a real man looks like, and calling Jawn a sweathog.

Bik Nizzar, he asked if he could be Jim Cornette, but I’m giving him Brother Love.

I’d be Chris Jericho, talking about arm bars and putting people on the list.

I have no conclusion to this section, I just never could resist a “who would be what wrestler” scenario.

You people know my weaknesses, damn it.

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