Think of the best thing you've ever tasted in your entire life. Close your eyes and imagine the joy of that experience. Try to remember everything about it. The subtleties of the flavor. The feeling of your head exploding with unparalleled, foodgasmic joy. The fervor with which you dove in for another bite. Now where were you when this happened?

If you answered McDonald's, kindly punch yourself in the face. Hard. If you're unable to properly and violently punch yourself in the face (wimp), go stand on a street corner yelling racial epithets until someone does it for you.* McDonald's seems like an impossible answer to that question, but for one sick and deranged person out there it must be true, because someone just bought a gallon of "McDonald's McJordan BBQ Sauce" for $9,995 off of ebay.