WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT

In a concerning development for the marketing gun from the Eastern Suburbs of Sydney, it’s become apparent that the bushfires still ripping through the country might be targeting Christians.

Since his Shire rebrand, the current Prime Minister has done his best to dig his head in the sand regarding the bushfires that have now burnt huge swathes of NSW, Queensland and WA, hoping that they would just go away.

However, Scotty from Marketing is now faced with the very real prospect of having to do something now that the correlation between the current fires burning and the fact that 52.1% of the nation identify as Christians has been pointed out.

“Obviously I have pushed on pretty steadily with the Religious Discrimination Bill as the main order of business despite the fact the natural disaster terrorising the country is going to cost the country billions of dollars,” began Scotty from Marketing in his 3rd conference on the bushfires in 2 months.

“And given that the majority of the population is Christian, and the fires are burning near and affecting the majority of the population, I will have to do something about them discriminating against Christians,” he said.

“The bushfires burning peoples homes, ruining and taking lives, and causing huge financial damage to the nation is going to become as pressing an issue as a pharmacist refusing to give the pill to a vulnerable young woman,” explained the Christian following in the footsteps of his forefathers and doing whatever he can to control women’s body’s.

“So, lets get this bill through, and lets let the bushfires know that they can’t be doing this to the ‘Quiet Australians,'” he said.

“Now we’ve cleared that up, how bout that bowling from Mitch Marsh last night,” he then continued.

He paused after a tap on the shoulder from his media advisor and quickly excused himself.

“Haha, Mitch Starc, how good was he?”

He then tried to ask a few more questions about the dominant Aussie performance in Perth before the final reporters walked off.