In a world that has shown itself to be cruel, ugly, pustulous, vindictive, thuggish and just about the worst place imaginable, we invite you to take some comfort in something that, by comparison, seems pretty harmless: idle speculation about footballers changing jobs.

Joey Barton signed off with stress and could leave Rangers this week Read more

So what have we got for you? Well, buoyed by the confirmation that very rich men can get whatever they want, Roman Abramovich is all set to unsheath his chequebook, and will give Antonio Conte a massive amount of money to spend in January. And, as you might expect, Conte is going to spend a big chunk of that on Juventus centre-back Leonardo Bonucci, on the basis that although the three-man defence is going well at the moment, there’s no substitute for the best. Although, if he doesn’t get the best, then Alessio Romagnoli, Antonio Rüdiger, Michael Keane (also wanted by Manchester United and Leicester City) and Ben Gibson. Conte also wants depth elsewhere in his squad, and apparently enjoys the work of Inter’s Geoffrey Kondogbia and Sevilla’s Steven N’Zonzi.

A few arriving, a few leaving perhaps, but one who isn’t on his bike - at least in the direction Chelsea might have wanted - is Cesc Fabregas, who has supposedly turned down a move to China in favour of sticking around and trying to win Conte’s favour.

Speaking of turning down moves to China, Wayne Rooney had a slice of that action in the summer too, at least that’s according to Beijing Guoan chairman Luo Ning. “We indeed made an approach for Rooney at the beginning of the season but he’s informed us that he wants to stay in Manchester United,” he said. “Rooney says he’ll keep playing in the Premier League as long as his health allows. We even met with his agent.”

The shrewd character that he is, Olivier Giroud has spotted that not playing is a less desirable situation than playing, and will take his concerns to the manager’s office. With 18 months on his contract a new deal should in theory be in the offing, but that might not happen if he’s going to be on the bench for most of the time. Héctor Bellerín, on the other hand, should agree a fresh deal at some point soon.

Everton are getting busy, but in quite a low-key way. They’re keen on Charlton winger Ademola Lookman, although Manchester United are sniffing around too, while the Toffees are also talking to the splendidly-named Norwegian club Odd BK about 18-year-old forward Rafik Zekhnini.

Other bits: there’s also an interesting theory knocking around that Southampton are going to make a move for handsomeness’s Yohan Cabaye; Leicester and West Brom are duking it out for Leeds left-back Charlie Taylor; Burnley and Aston Villa are looking at the freshly unemployed Joey Barton.

Seriously though. In troubling times we look to sport to make us feel better. This is all part of it. Sport isn’t going to solve things. It won’t change the outrageous horribleness of the world. But it might make us feel better for a little while. Good luck out there.