“NO SEX IS BETTER THAN BAD SEX.”





You’d think that after years of having no sex at all, even the worst sex you can get is still better than nothing. Well, darlings, that’s utter bollocks. Bad sex feels almost like a punishment; it’s like a story which only has a beginning, but no middle and especially NO ENDING. And that’s just tragic! It leaves you wanting more; your body craving for a conclusion, but unfortunately the only thing you get is frustration. No woman should ever have to endure bad sex, or put up with anything less than body-rocking, steaming-hot sex.

As I’ve decided to let go of my sexual timidity, I started being more and more open to the idea of meeting someone. Not necessarily for romantic reasons, but for…. Well, my needs. I had had enough of longing for someone’s touch, daydreaming about having sex and even had enough of pleasuring myself – I wanted the real deal. That’s when I begun looking around.

A game was on; when someone smiled at me, I smiled back; if I saw somebody I liked, I tried to open up a conversation - and it surprisingly started working pretty well! I was growing more and more confident each flirt at a time, and soon I knew it was time – I needed to get some action. When you open your eyes to it, it’s incredible how many people you notice checking you out, or smiling at you, or even trying to make a move. I had forgotten what it feels like to chat up a complete stranger or to flirt shamelessly. Mywas on; when someone smiled at me, I smiled back; if I saw somebody I liked, I tried to open up a conversation - and it surprisingly started working pretty well! I was growing more and more confident each flirt at a time, and soon I knew it was time – I needed to get some action.





“It’s been so long since I made love, that I don’t even remember who gets tied up.”

rebirth of my sex life. So we boarded the plane and flew to Paris. It was my first time there, so I wanted to visit everything and experience la vie en rose first-handed. Having a very romantic flair to it, Paris almost invites you to misbehave; the men are handsome and their accents are charming – making your panties drop an inch at a time. I booked a holiday abroad with my closest friend, packed some eye-candy clothes, and armed myself with some sexy lingerie. It’s not that London didn’t have anything to offer in the masculine department, but it felt like I needed something memorable for the. So we boarded the plane and flew to Paris. It was my first time there, so I wanted to visit everything and experiencefirst-handed. Having a very romantic flair to it, Paris almost invites you to misbehave; the men are handsome and their accents are charming – making your panties drop an inch at a time.

After visiting all the obvious tourist attractions, we went to Chateau de Versailles. Mesmerised by the palace’s beauty, I completely ignored everything that was happening around me. Then I suddenly felt someone mockingly kicking me with their elbow as to grab my attention: “Holy shit, check out that hottie over there!” said my friend. I looked up and saw a cute guy smiling at us, and felt the sudden urge to go talk to him. And so I did. Turns out he actually worked at the palace, and although he was working at that moment, he subtly let me know he would be off in 2 hours. Playfully I asked if he’d mind showing me around Paris for the evening, to which he replied in a very French accent: “It would be my pleasure mademoiselle.”





As he finished work, we met at the entrance of the palace, and we went for drinks at a Parisian terrace. It was all going great; he was cute, had plenty to talk about and the flirting was on fire. When our evening was over, he walked me to my hotel; I wanted to invite him in, but I was pretty nervous about it since I hadn’t been with a man in so long.

I finally gathered up my courage and jokingly asked him: “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?” (“Would you like do sleep with me tonight?”). He started laughing so hard and then immediately kissed me - in this case that kiss was the substitute for an affirmative answer. We went up to my room and I could feel his eyes fixed upon my body; he wanted me just as much as I wanted him. This was crazy, I was about to have my very first one night stand!

He started undressing me, gently kissing my neck and touching my body all over… I was breathing heavily into his ear and reaching into his trousers, anxious to feel his hard cock in my hand. He got undressed too, and it was clear that he was ready for action. I usually like quite a bit of foreplay beforehand, but figured we could always do that for round two – so I subtly signaled him that I was ready for him to take me; to make me his for the night. He climbed on top of me and was kissing me as his cock was gently touching my pussy…

The weight of his body pressed against me felt ecstatic; I had missed the feeling of sexual anticipation, of the surprise element – not knowing when he will enter me. He then lifted himself up, placed his firm hands on my thighs and pulled me closer to him like a shot, elevating my hips as to get me ready. He stuck it inside me suddenly and I felt a sharp but pleasant pain as he pushed all of it in. I closed my eyes and was adjusting my movements to his; was beginning to really enjoy having that thick inside me, feeling every thrust and every movement. He started pushing harder and deeper and as I let out a moan of pleasure… he stopped. He lowered his head as to avoid looking into my eyes and whispered: “I came already.”

“Sex is like a bridge game; if you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand.”





2 minutes?! As I tried to seem as unaffected and nice as possible, I was telling the little voice inside my head: “We’ll just go for round two. He’ll want to wash the embarrassment of.” I looked at him stunned and managed to murmur a little “it’s ok” that even I didn’t believe to be true. It was not ok. Years of no sex and the big rebirth of my sex-life lasted?! As I tried to seem as unaffected and nice as possible, I was telling the little voice inside my head: “We’ll just go for round two. He’ll want to wash the embarrassment of.”

He told me it’s been a while for him as well since he last had sex, but I wasn’t entirely sure if he was trying to excuse himself for one of the worst sexual performances of my life. I didn’t even get the chance to ride the bull, for Pete’s sake! He then suggested we chill for a bit or go to sleep. I was stunned – sleep? Really?!

About one hour later, still no round two, no movement, and most certainly no sleep either; I was replaying the entire scene in my head over and again, when he got up and said he can’t sleep. He asked if I minded if he left, to which I felt honestly relieved and told him it’s up to him. He got dressed, kissed me goodbye and left.

I had no idea what the fuck had just happened; did I just have a bad dream or did I really have sex which lasted 2 minutes?! My grand sexual awakening was a complete failure, and so was my first attempt at a one night stand. I got a bit annoyed, and then felt strangely sad – not because I didn’t have proper sex, but out of frustration; all the energy accumulated over the years completely gone to waste.





Late at night you are your own worst enemy, so I decided to call it a night. I somehow knew that by next day all will be better. When I woke up and told my friend the story, she pitied me for a while and then we both burst into laughter, copiously amusing ourselves over what was probably the shortest sex I ever had.





“It is not true that sex degrades women… If it is any good.”





I never got in touch with the guy again, I guess it would’ve been way too awkward for the pair of us, and although it was a failure, I managed to see the positive side to it. I finally overstepped my fear of one night stands and of being stigmatised as “just fun”, because as the end of the day that’s what it means for me as well – unattached, uncomplicated sex.

The key is to see a bright side to every story and learn from it. What I’ve learnt from the experience is that no sex is indeed better than bad sex; mediocre sex leaves you frustrated and sometimes even questioning yourself, whereas no sex is just a continuity of a preexistent asexual life – there’s basically no change. But in any case, no woman or man should ever settle for anything below average – there’s great sex out there waiting for every single one of us, so open your eyes!





Freya X





Lily Allen - Not fair



