Killing matadors isn’t cruel it’s part of our culture, claim Spanish bulls

The Spanish bull community has defended the cold-blooded killing of matadors, insisting that upholding of a centuries-old tradition is definitely not cruel.

Following the tragic death of matador, Victor Barrio, Madrid’s bull community have remained defiant in the face of accusations of brutal and inhumane acts conducted to sate the bloodlust of baying spectators.

A spokesperson for the bull community told us, “Look – we regularly face this kind of criticism from people around the world who simply do not respect the wretched things we hold so dear.

“They say ‘oh it’s so barbaric that you still attack and kill humans in cold blood for fun whilst other bulls stand around cheering and singing – we can’t believe you still do that stuff’.

“But simply stopping the horrible things you’ve been doing for generations is extremely difficult – American Law Enforcement can attest to that.

“Besides – Matadors have very sharp spears which they stick in us and wave around capes coloured an infuriating shade of red – what’s to like about them? It might not be a fair fight, I mean, we’re a literal tonne of muscle, but it’s not like they’re completely unarmed.”

Former Matador, Javier Gomes, agreed it was important for bulls to retain the right to conduct barbaric acts in the name of perpetuating national heritage.

He explained, “Every once in a while we need bulls to redress the balance.

“Generally speaking, a bull killing a matador is extremely rare.

“Frankly, there is more chance of Theresa May and Andrea Leadsom doing a girl-on-girl scene for Playboy.”