Hello again! I’ve been away for a while. The past month flew by! I’d say I was busy, but that’s not true. In fact, it was the lack of a busy schedule that kept me away from the computer, and away from posting recently. Instead, I’ve been spending some much needed quality time with my family.

That’s what its all about right? We work to provide for our families and for those things we wish to see done for them and through them. For the last few months, since early November really, I have been working at least 10 hours a day each and every day of the week. It was exhausting, but there were bills to pay and mouths to feed. The problem is, it wasn’t worth doing the way I did it. Could I have found a job that paid more and had less hours? Yes. Were we really in enough financial turmoil that I needed to be away from my family all day every day? No. So, I put a stop to it. If I work to spend time with my family, but can’t…because work… then the balance is obviously off. There are already enough things changing in our lives these days. Me being absent isn’t a change I ever want my children to get even remotely used to. It’s not who I am as a parent. It’s not what I believe the role of a good parent is.

So I started something new, before I was able to finish my other job. I usually got home right around when the girls would be going to bed, so my time was short. However, I found the perfect way to bond with them and end the day in one fell swoop….DANCE PARTIES. On New Years Eve, I had the idea to dance all night until the girls asked to go to bed (classic parenting move). So I picked an appropriate song, some crazy remix of Auld Lang Syne. My oldest came SPRINTING down the hall the moment the beat started, and her 18 month old sister wasn’t far behind. We danced for the entire 4 minute duration of the song. Then we did it again. And again. And again….. until finally my oldest asked, “Blankets?” (which means “Get me to bed before I collapse!”).

Honestly, that dance party meant far more to me than it did to my girls. I had been running and running for months, during most of which my family was still in the process of finishing things up in PA and unable to join me in NYC. I got used to running around alone and working to pass the time. When they arrived, I kept running and running, not stopping to establish that presence and rapport that my kids needed. They were in a new place. A place they had known I was for months, and I left them to figure it out alone at first, because I was unable to stop being busy. That dance party brought me back and brought alot of our family dynamic back. It was amazing.

I left my second job soon after, and have been spending every evening and weekend day with my family. We go for walks, go to the store, go to church, play in the house with toys, cuddle up to watch movies, etc. Everything I was yearning for and working to achieve. Funny thing though… all of those things we’ve been doing…. they don’t cost a cent. What makes them so great is I get to spend time with my partner and our children.

That’s what being a parent, and even a spouse, really is. Its understanding how to balance work and play. It’s knowing that an hour with your family is far more valuable than any amount you could be paid for an hour of work. Its defining your relationships with the areas of your life. On one hand you have personal relationships. On the other you have career and employment relationships. Problem is, you can’t have both of those areas be your area of focus, the pursuit your heart and mind follow.

So here’s some advice, define your relationships with work and family. If you find yourself in an instance where both are calling for your full attention, and you are in an ok place financially, here’s some advice for what to do with those relationships. Cheat on work. Yea…I know…interesting phrasing, but the concept holds true. Spend time with your family over work. Even if you had plans with work friends, or planned on spending a little extra time at the office for something. Make up an excuse if you need to. Operate in the shadows. Sneak home and see your loved ones. Cheat on work, go home, and spend time increasing the worth of others in your life, instead of increasing the monetary worth you’re gonna leave behind one day.

Dance parties are what life is all about. Since beginning this nightly event, I feel so much more established, and restored, as a person after the rough patch I fought through in the fall. These days our dance parties have become more complex music-wise. Have no fear, Auld Lang Syne has enjoyed over 40 days as the top track to dance to, but now it is followed, every night, by a dubstep of Let It Go, and How Far I’ll Go (from Moana). As the playlist grows so do the people dancing to it. For me that growth, most of which was me growing back into a much “fuller” person after the turmoil of starting hormones, has spilled into my other relationships too. Friendships are deeping, some family wounds are being healed, and I’m becoming more involved in the community with my family. It’s so good…I can’t stop mentioning that.

Well, that all for me today. Now…if you don’t mind…I need to go ring in the New Year for the 41st time this year. But first, let me put on my dancing shoes.

-J