ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A local dog walker has been able to confirm to The Advocate this morning that a full Kiwi-style lockdown is imminent because his aunt is mates with the bloke who cleans the Prime Minister’s office.

Speaking candidly to our reporter this morning in Machattie Park, Ben Doolan, who lives in our town’s Free Town district, said he’s got the inside word and the people of Australia need to start preparing for a full lockdown.

“Like deadset,” he said.

“Mate, I wouldn’t lie to you. My source is close to the Prime Minister. He’s a cleaner at Parliament House and he overheard Scotty saying we’re going on lockdown soon as,”

“Well, I know his auntie, who lived in Betoota for ages when she was at uni. She worked at the Federal Hotel in Free Town for like four years. Anyway, I know her well and her nephew wouldn’t bullshit her,”

“Mark my words, space cowboys. Mark my words.”

Ben then told one of the dachshunds he was walking to be quiet, as it was barking at a goose.

“Leave that goose alone, Frederick!”

More to come.

