A great horrible threat is facing America. The Russians led by Vladimir Putin and his strong ties to the Orthodox Christian Church. In order to combat this threat, “there is no god” is to be placed into the Pledge of Allegiance immediately.

Upon invasion by the Russians, once they see “no god” in our Pledge, the religious hordes will flee in terror. This serves as the best protection for our secular way of life.

Christian organizations have complained about this new law. They argue that pledging allegiance to a country founded on individual rights and liberties shouldn’t involve acknowledging atheist beliefs. But they have nothing to worry about. As the Pledge is being recited, they don’t have to say “there is no god” if they don’t want to. That will be absolutely optional.

Or perhaps we should go back to the Pledge of Allegiance in its original form, before it was theologized in the 1950s.

-James Kirk Wall

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James Kirk Wall

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