It's been a while since I've ranted about the dubious doings of the Diabolically Apocalyptic Research Projects Agency (our nickname, courtesy of a suggestion by Mr. J.B., for DARPA, the Defense Advance Research Projects Agency), or the monstrous machinations of Mon(ster)santo, or vilified the vaccinatory frabrications of big Pharma, and indeed, I thought I had "heard it all", that we were at the ne plus ultra of the goofy games of globaloney and worldwide surveillance and police state. We've seen the "bathroom" sexcapade, the No-longer-Lutheran-"church"-of-Sweden banning any "sexist" terms like "Lord" or "Father," the Catholic Church in some countries having to dispense with asking questions on applications about one's "mother" or "father"... I swear, we need a "Just When You Think You've Heard It All" or a "Science and Technology Run Amok" category on this website for stories like this one, sent by Mr. C.S. (you'll have to copy and paste this link into your browser):

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/us-military-gm-plants-spy-gentically-modified-research-development-sensors-environments-a8071646.html

And yes, all this genetic modification of plants for "remote sensing of the environment" is the brainchild of DARPA:

Genetically modified plants could be employed as self-sustaining sensors to gather information in settings unsuitable for more traditional technologies. The Defence Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA), which is responsible for the development of emerging technologies in the US military, has called for scientists to submit ideas for how to harness the power of plants. In the past, DARPA has produced information-gathering technologies such as the satellites and seismographs employed to ensure Soviet compliance with the Nuclear Test Ban Treaty. But in this new initiative, termed the Advanced Plant Technologies (APT) programme, the agency is looking to the natural world for help. “Plants are highly attuned to their environments and naturally manifest physiological responses to basic stimuli such as light and temperature, but also in some cases to touch, chemicals, pests and pathogens,” said Dr Blake Bextine, the manager of the ATP programme. “Emerging molecular and modelling techniques may make it possible to reprogramme these detection and reporting capabilities for a wide range of stimuli, which would not only open up new intelligence streams, but also reduce the personnel risks and costs associated with traditional sensors,” said Dr Bextine.

And of course, if DAPRA is behind it, one can just bet that IG Farbensanto, DuPonzanto, and all the big ugly agribusiness companies will be chomping at the bit to become "defense contractors" and hence secure, not only their position, but to seal the GMO agenda; GMOs will become "essential to the national security". And we'll hear all the usual arguments: it's all perfectly safe; there's no long term danger to the environment, no threat to the human food supply, you have nothing to worry about so long as you're thinking the acceptable thoughts, &c &c &c...

Now of course, we're a long way from your azaleas or violets or Swedish Ivies reporting back to No-Longer-Lutheran headquarters on your recalcitrant refusal to use "gender neutral" language, but patience, "we're getting there," for in addition to your "smart homes" and "smart appliances" reporting on your electricity usage, we can now "build in redundancy" and have your house plants doing it. Absurd? Well, in a world that recently saw the advent of "the smart pill" which reports to doctors whether or not their patients are taking their medicine on time and in the correct dose, I'm hot hedging my bets.

Seriously, folks, you can't dream this stuff up. And think about it: there are people who get paid to sit around and dream up this stuff: How can we screw up the world even more? Ruin the food supply? Spy on everyone in a variety of bizarre ways?

So, today, I'm foregoing my usual "high octane speculation" to address this personal plea to Dr. Fu Manchu, wherever you are: could you please take all that personal wealth and scientific genius, and genetically engineer some bugs that would consume only genetically engineered crops, while at the same time reporting back to the rest of us on the machinations of these screwball nutcases that occupy the corporate cabals and black projects world? Yes, that's right: I want a bug (insect) that's also a bug (eavesdropping device... and yes, I know folks, insects have been proposed by the Clowns In America as yet another new surveillance technology). Get back to us on that as quickly as you can...

I mean, c'mon guys, plants as "intelligence streams" !?!?

Ok... now we can all sigh deeply in frustration...

See you on the flip side...