He hit the pissfarts out of a baseball.

THREE TRUE OUTCOMES!

Anyway …

This is Mark Reynolds’ solo blast off of Jarrod Parker yesterday.

The pitch: A letter-high, 94-mph two-seamer right down the heart of the dish.

The swing: Eh, it’s on the awkward side, but it’s awfully effective. Chalk that up to his otherworldly HULK STRENGTH (especially in his lower half … HULK BUTT*?). I’m not a huge fan of the toe tap, because it’s a timing mechanism that can send several other parts of the swing awry when it’s not clicking. His left arm, bat plane and finish make it look like he’s casting a table cloth over a dining room table or throwing a frisbee, but HULK STRENGTH has the power to overcome wonky mechanics every now and then.

*It might sound weird, but I have a strong desire to see Mark Reynolds in shorts.

The velocity off the bat: 112.7 mph

The elevation angle: 28.7º

True distance: 457 feet

The verdict: He pimped the shit outta this blast*. Parker dosed Reynolds in his first AB, Reynolds was not pleased about it, and instead of charging the mound like a nameless steakheaded ogre from San Diego, he decided to settle the score like a man and hit the piss out of a baseball. A safe and effective alternative to player-on-player violence.

*It took Reynolds nearly 26 seconds to round the bases.