(Permanent Musical Accompaniment To This Post)

Being our semi-regular weekly survey of what’s goin’ down in the several states where, as we know, the real work of governmentin’ gets done, and where dogs run free, so why not we?

We begin in Illinois, where, once again, we learned that pipelines don’t always leak, sometimes they go boom, too. From The Chicago Tribune:

Officials on Wednesday said 59-year-old father Rory Miller of Amboy and 30-year-old son Ryan Miller of Oregon died in Tuesday morning's explosion near Nachusa. Lee County Coroner Jesse Partington said autopsies were performed Wednesday morning but official causes of death were pending pathology results. Meanwhile, Sauk Valley Media reports that the National Transportation Safety Board and the Occupational Safety and Health Administration are investigating the explosion.

The Lee County Sheriff's Office said two others were injured, including 20-year-old Michael Koster of Sterling. He's in critical condition at a Rockford hospital. Another man was treated and released. Officials say the explosion happened after the pipeline was struck by a tractor.

Meanwhile, from KOAT in New Mexico, we learn that you don’t necessarily need a tractor to make one go boom.

New Mexico State Police say a natural gas pipeline exploded early Wednesday morning. They confirmed the pipe is owned by Houston Based Company -- Enterprise Products. The natural gas in the pipeline was headed to the enterprise products facility, which is located a quarter mile from the explosion. Police confirmed 1.5 million cubic feet of natural gas was lost in the explosion. The pipe is now on its way to a forensics lab to determine what caused it to explode. Enterprise shut down the pipeline and the fire burned out six hours later.

But they do leak, too, and the leak in the Keystone pipeline last month in South Dakota continues to resonate. First of all, and certainly of interest to the people fighting against the Keystone XL pipeline in Nebraska, the Argus-Leader reports that it looks like a “construction problem” may have caused the massive spill.

The Pipeline and Hazardous Materials Safety Administration issued a corrective action report Tuesday on the estimated 210,000-gallon oil spill. The report says a weight installed on the pipeline nearly a decade ago may have damaged the pipeline and coating. According to the report, weights are placed on the pipeline in areas "where water could potentially result in buoyancy concerns."

The new Keystone spill also has caused a judge to look more closely at the Dakota Access pipeline, which was at the center of mass protest last year. From The Hill:

U.S. District Court Judge James Boasberg ordered Dakota Access operators to coordinate an oil spill response plan with federal and tribal officials near Lake Oahe in North Dakota, conduct a third-party audit of the pipeline’s compliance with federal and state regulations, and produce bi-monthly reports on the pipeline’s operations. Boasberg said the public has “an interest in ensuring the status quo at Lake Oahe is preserved” while the 1,170 mile, 570,000 barrel per day pipeline undergoes the new environmental review.

Dakota Access argued the court doesn’t have the authority to impose those conditions, and said previous government approvals of the pipeline are sufficient to ensure its safety. Boasberg disagreed, saying the new conditions are “means by which the court can gather information about the risks posed by the pipeline … and can ensure that the status quo is preserved for both sides.” He specifically raised last month's Keystone pipeline oil spill in South Dakota, where the pipeline leaked 5,000 barrels of oil.

By all means, let’s run these bad boys through our national parks, too. And, while we’re at it, let’s make sure New Hampshire doesn’t get too giddy with this alternative energy stuff. From ThinkProgress:

In a new report, Strata Policy — a pro-fossil fuel think tank based in Logan, Utah, that receives funding from the Kochs — recommends that New Hampshire lawmakers change the state’s renewable portfolio standard (RPS) from a mandate to a voluntary goal for electricity providers, a move that would put the brakes on efforts to develop renewable energy technologies and reduce the state’s carbon footprint. As part of its pro-fossil fuel agenda, Americans for Prosperity, a right-wing group also funded by the Kochs, is pushing for changes to New Hampshire’s participation in the Regional Greenhouse Gas Initiative (RGGI), a multi-state carbon trading program.

Remember, the Kochs are only interested in affecting national politics and policies. Also, federalism!

We skip on over to Iowa, where we meet Charlie Smithson, the clerk of that state’s senate. A while back, Charlie was put in charge of investigating charges of sexual harassment within the Republican caucus in the state senate. As Bleeding Heartland informs us, Charlie then gave a speech that raised doubts about whether he really was the man for that job.

Both in the House and in the Senate it’s never been an issue for the elected person. It’s been the clerk. A lot of the clerks you get are younger, and unfortunately, sometimes the females wear some stuff that kind of drew some attention. And so part of my job is to go to the member and say, “Hey, you might want to tell your clerk to wear something different. Some of our older male members are starting to sweat a little bit, right? OK? You know what I mean?”

I am not going anywhere near a joke. You can’t make me.

And we conclude, as is our wont, in the great state of Oklahoma, where, courtesy of Non Doc, Blog Official Holiday Jingler Friedman of the Plains brings us the tangled tale of Ralph Shortey, legislator and all-around Christian proselytizer. And his T-shirt.

Police body cam video published today by Oklahoma City Fox 25 reporter Caroline Vandergriff on Twitter appears to show then-Sen. Ralph Shortey wearing a T-shirt featuring the Bible verse “Ephesians 5:22” when he was confronted in a Moore motel room with a 17-year-old boy. Shortey pleaded guilty Thursday to child sex trafficking and is awaiting sentencing. The shirt appears to note Ephesians 5:22, a part of the New Testament that calls for a wife to “submit” herself to her husband… Shortey’s shirt features a large, cartoonish sandwich and an indecipherable line of text below the image. In popular culture and even theological discussions, the Bible verse has been referenced in conjunction with a joke about a man telling his wife, “Make me a sandwich.”

And how did Ralph make it into the state senate? Glad you asked.

Shortey was first elected to OKC’s State Senate District 44 as a Republican in 2010 after Democratic Sen. Debbe Leftwich announced she would not seek re-election. A judge ultimately found Leftwich guilty of accepting a bribe — to fill a newly created state position — in exchange for not seeking office. Then-Rep. Randy Terrill of Moore was also found guilty in the scheme. He served prison time, while Leftwich’s sentence was deferred.

Note to ambitious Oklahoma pols: do not run in District 44. There’s an ancient curse on that seat.

This is your democracy, America. Cherish it.

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Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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