They say that women talk face-to-face and men talk shoulder-to-shoulder. But this International Men’s Day on November 19, it’s your chance to tell an older man in your life just how much he means to you — face-to-face. Shout him a beer or better yet, take him on a social outing and tell him how’s he’s helped to shape your life. Whether it’s teaching us to change a tyre, mow a lawn or more importantly — how to be a good man — our fathers, grandfathers and male friends deserve to know they’ve made a positive impact on our lives. Especially older men, who too often languish alone in old age. Did you know that men aged over 85 years of age have the highest suicide rate in Australia? According to Australian Bureau of Statistics 2015 data, they’re three times more likely to commit suicide than teenage males. The reasons for this sad state of affairs are varied, complex and often interconnected — they might have a painful medical condition, lack purpose, feel socially isolated, or be grieving the loss of a loved one. Older men also have poor access to government-funded mental health care and are less likely to ask for help. Most don’t want to “burden” loved ones with their troubles. The phrase “grumpy old man” is a common and unhelpful stereotype. It normalises social isolation and unhappiness amongst older men. This International Men’s Day let’s make a pact to never use this phrase again. Instead, let’s reach out to an older man in our lives. Let him know he’s loved and needed. Help him find his purpose. Ask him “R U OK?”. If the answer’s no, there’s plenty of help available. Connect him with Lifeline, take him to his GP or help with ideas and activities to stay socially engaged. People who are socially isolated have an increased mortality rate. In fact, it’s as bad for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Does your dad or grandad like to potter in the shed? Men’s Sheds are a fantastic community initiative that’s literally saving lives. Giving older men a purpose and a reason to get out of the house (and into the shed!) to spend time with like-minded men, while giving back to their community. If tool work isn’t his thing, there’s a variety of hobby clubs and civic groups, like Rotary and Lions. Coaching or participating in sporting groups is another option, and age is no barrier. There’s a Life Member of my rugby club well into his eighties who can no longer play and doesn’t coach. But he often comes along to training sessions to check in on the players and attends every single game — both home and away! He’s just as connected as ever and can still mix it with the 18-year-olds when it comes to off-the-field fun and activities. If you’re feeling inspired, why not host an International Men’s Day event? There’s a stack of resources available online at www.internationalmensday.com. I’ll be grabbing my grandfathers and heading for a chat, a beer and some lunch. This might not be for you, but whatever you do, do something! Together we can turn the tide on older men’s suicide in Australia, and November 19 is the perfect time to start. Toby Dawson, IRT Foundation Manager (IRT is a community-based seniors lifestyle and care provider)

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