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Update: People are saying that this is not the Leominster Popeye’s, and that the upstanding individual who posted it just used a Snapchat filter. Regardless, the opinions expressed about Fitchburg and Popeye’s in general remain the same. It’s just satire folks.

I’ve been to Popeye’s before, and it’s some of the most overrated hot garbage I’ve ever tasted. Granted it was the Webster Square Popeye’s, but have they ever built one that didn’t turn out to be a ratchet magnet? I agree with MVTB – when civilized people have a craving for fast food friend chicken, they go to Chick Fil-A. And this video (which was alleged to have been at the Leominster Popeye’s but is actually another Popeye’s) is why.

Can you really blame anyone for thinking that this wasn’t in Leominster? That outfit had Fitchburg written all over it.

Gravy Schumer evidently was not pleased when the woman behind the counter gave her barbecue sauce, when clearly she said several times that she wanted honey mustard. Naturally then she did the only thing a Fitchburg woman would do in a scenario like this – throw the barbecue sauce at the employee’s face.

However, she vastly underestimated how ratchet women respond to having condiments thrown at them. She likely thought to herself, “These women are on the clock right now, and they certainly can’t risk their jobs by beating the holy hell out of me in front of women and children.”

Shotput Sherry led the charge with an uppercut and hair pull.

In a normal world the other employees would jump in and pull her off because this is a place where people come to eat crappy, processed chicken. But again, this is Popeye’s, so every employee on the clock had to drop what they were doing to give Gravy Schumer a ride on the hoodrat helicopter.

Even the manager in the blue shirt was getting in on it. Gravy Schumer learned the hard way that this wasn’t Chick Fil-A, and if you pull a stunt like this in a Popeye’s you will get beaten like an Amish woman with an opinion.

I think the number one reason I will never step foot in this particular establishment wasn’t the beating itself, but rather the gentleman filming it who posted the video to Facebook.

Dominic Gonzalez looks like the kind of guy who might not be able to sell me food stamps, but he could definitely make a phone call and arrange that within 30 minutes. When every single picture you’ve ever posed for necessitates an obligatory middle finger at the camera.

You know that you referred to every single teacher you ever had as “Yo Mistah.” Same goes for copious usage of 100 emojis, obscure references about freeing degenerate friends from bondage, random pictures of the homies holding bottles of Henny, and Facebook posts glamorizing his likely not too distant death so he can die a “real n***a.”

When your life goal is to die, you’ve gone full Fitchburg. Never go full Fitchburg.

You know where people like this never go? Chick Fil-A. It’s the Whole Foods of fast food. Popeye’s is the Walmart.

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