Ted Cruz woke up in a scary new world Monday morning, one in which his archrival, President Barack Obama, came out in support of net neutrality. This is great news for the vast majority of internet users. It's crappy news for Comcast, especially after the Time Warner Cable merger, and other internet-service providers hoping to deliver exponentially larger profits.

Obama's message also seems tailor-made to rankle Presidential-hopeful Cruz and the many other congressional members to have received financial contributions from Comcast's political-action committee. This may be why Cruz got out of bed Monday morning and did what any argument-boot-wearing person would do: He hastily composed a tweet:

This tweet was possibly written using some of his 900 hours of free AOL on a 13-inch Compaq after beating his high score in Minesweeper.

Obama believes that the internet should be regulated like a utility (water, gas, Doritos-flavored Mountain Dew). Cruz believes the opposite of whatever Obama believes in every waking moment. Cruz also wants Obama's job. Nevertheless: Will net neutrality even be an issue in 2016, or will everyone (on both sides) have come to their senses by then? Also: Where is Cruz hiding those stacks of AOL CDs?

[H/T: Ben Dreyfuss

John Hendrickson Deputy Editor John Hendrickson is the Deputy Editor of Esquire.com, where he oversees the site's 24/7 news operation as well as all politics coverage.

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io