Heart of a winner

However, the one group that gets often overlooked, are our midgets. There is no Big event for these guys, and I find that terribly Short sighted. (Little is known about how many Midgets there are in the world, but I bet we could find a thousand sporty ones)





So, if I was a Billionaire, I would set up the Little Olympics (The slogan would be: Small World, Big Deal).









Other than the traditional sports, I would also introduce a few new sports, just for these guys and of course, something for the spectators. (Although I think Midget Hurdles would be VERY popular).

Let’s take a look at the new sports for the Little Olympics.





Individual Bear Dressage





Because letting them participate on ponies would be boring, I would replace the horses with bears instead.



If the course is not completed within an allotted time (Say, 5 minutes) the next bear is brought in and it becomes a competition. The core of the sport would be identical to the more traditional Horse Dressage, where the bear would have to be guided through an obstacle course. The better the bear does, the more points are awarded, the higher the chance of winning. However, to keep things interesting, they can’t bring their own bears. They would just be strapped to a random bear and shoved into the arena…I mean course.If the course is not completed within an allotted time (Say, 5 minutes) the next bear is brought in and it becomes a competition.





BONUS: If they fall off, they automatically and instantly compete in the 100M dash, because they gotta get the fuck out of there. : If they fall off, they automatically and instantly compete in the 100M dash, because they gotta get the fuck out of there.









30 of these on a trampoline Group Trampoline



In this group event, 30 midgets would be decked out in oversize boxing gloves and set loose on a giant trampoline. In a giant bouncy free for all, they would have to punch each other off the trampoline until there is only 1 man standing. Every 3 minutes there is a mandatory tequila shot, for both the competitors AND the spectators. In this group event, 30 midgets would be decked out in oversize boxing gloves and set loose on a giant trampoline. In a giant bouncy free for all, they would have to punch each other off the trampoline until there is only 1 man standing. Every 3 minutes there is a mandatory tequila shot, for both the competitors AND the spectators.



BONUS: This event would be held every day This event would be held every day

























LOOK AT THEM GO!! Rugby





Yes, there should be Rugby





BONUS: Narrated by Samuel L. Jackson

“Oh my GOD this little motherfucker is AGILE, look at him go…look at those short speedy fucking legs!”







Narrated by Samuel L. Jackson“Oh my GOD this little motherfucker is AGILE, look at him go…look at those short speedy fucking legs!”



















See ya escalator! Modern Joust

Instead of Jousting on horses (that fall would probably kill them), I would construct two (very) high speed escalator belts in opposite directions. Armed with an oversized blunt lance, they would have to knock each other off the belt for maximum points. To keep it interesting though, I would place 3 midgets per belt, for maximum carnage.





BONUS: Gambling would be allowed, even encouraged at this event.























Gambling would be allowed, even encouraged at this event.









Disqualified: You have to go head first Luge Jumping



One of the new events would be “Luge Jumping” a combination of traditional luge (but on wheels) and the Ski far jump. One of the new events would be “Luge Jumping” a combination of traditional luge (but on wheels) and the Ski far jump.

With a few modifications: They would have to get on the luge head first AND they would be wearing boxing gloves, because the landing zone would be the trampoline where the Group Trampoline boxing event was being held. There would be a very flashy dress code and if the contestants don’t yell out “WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE” at the moment they get airborne, they would be disqualified from the event (But still be eligible in the trampoline tournament).







BONUS: The last section of the luge track would be modified to resemble a giant cannon. The last section of the luge track would be modified to resemble a giant cannon.









Of course, Olympics should always be accompanied with drinking games, but I’ll leave that with the college students, because that’s no job for Billionaires…





Now for the Winter Olympics….

Every 2 years, the world comes together in harmony to enjoy the spectacle of the world’s finest athletes competing for fleeting fame and glory. After we get tired of this show of hardbodies, we pit our cripples against eachother, and last but not least, or retards get to go as well. (BTW, why isn't there boxing or fencing in the Special Olympics, that would be fucking hilarious).