Presented sheepishly, with much affection and something of a hangover.

Take a drink:

at LEFT EYEBROW ACTING

Why explain your disdain, skepticism, or straight-up WTF when you could speak hefty tomes with a quirk of one magnificently expressive eyebrow? (Lefty, the flashy Guildenstern to the right eyebrow’s laconic Rosencrantz, totally killed as Las Vegas Elvis last Halloween.) Lightweights unwilling to put their livers on the line can stop right here.

Rules clarifications

While multiple Left Eyebrow Actings often happen in very close succession, a single Left Eyebrow Acting may last for some time across several reverse shots. Don’t call a new Left Eyebrow Acting until both eyebrows have hit a neutral position or you’ll be off your fool face in no time flat.

When you’re not sure about whether to call an eyebrow, if it’s Doctor Who, let it go – there’ll be more.

Whenever you hear a SQUEAKY “WELL”

I know, right? You can already hear it in your head right now.

This isn’t just any “Well”; it has to be the squeaky one. If you’re not sure a particular “Well” is squeaky enough to count, it doesn’t. You’ll know the real deal immediately when you hear it.

(more “wells” here)

At every HAUGHTY or CASUAL SNIFF

The thinking man's eff you. The Casual Sniff, another variation, is kind of an eff you to whatever Tennant’s character is thinking at the time.

Scots “murder”

Drink when you hear it.

(It’s not “Scottish ‘murder’,” because that one’s harder to say when you’re drunk.)

Finish your drink:

When there is FEELINGS HAIR

Rage? Confusion? Finish your drink and pour yourself another, because something really important is about to happen, and Left Eyebrow will have something to say about it.

Special-edition rules: Finish your drink

Doctor Who: At LICKING THINGS to find out what they are

What’s with licking things? Why is this so frequent? There has to be something to this. Either every toddler is secretly a gifted scientist with a jaw-droppingly precise sense of taste, or Tennant did something to piss off the Doctor Who writers.

[Also: Doctor Who fans of legal drinking age: Check out my Jammie Dodger flip!]

Fanservice: When you spot that APPENDECTOMY SCAR

“Oh my God. Just two Left Eyebrow Actings and a Feelings Hair, and you turn into a total creeper.”