Government confirms drug that killed Charles Kennedy to remain perfectly legal

Home Secretary Theresa May has confirmed she has no plans to limit the sale of the hugely addictive ‘legal high’ which led to the untimely death of former Liberal Democrat leader Charles Kennedy.

The drug, known as ‘alcohol’ is freely available throughout society, despite causing thousands of deaths every year in the UK.

Following recent government announcements that it will make other legal highs ‘illegal’, the Home Secretary confirmed she has no plans to change the law on the particular drug that caused Charles Kennedy’s death.

She told reporters, “So-called legal highs killed a huge number of people in this country last year – it was into the sixties I believe, so something must be done about that. Urgently.

“So I just don’t have the time to address your concerns about a different legal high which resulted in the deaths of thousands of people.

“We’re perfectly happy for people to have a choice when it comes that particular drug.

“We as a government have our priorities, and right now they are to focus on banning things that don’t generate any profits for our friends and tax revenue for us.

“No, sorry, I mean it’s to focus on banning things that damage people’s health.”

Legal highs

Health campaigner Simon Williams said that the government was clearly in the pockets of the drug cartels that are responsible for pushing ‘alcohol’ towards the most vulnerable in society.

He told us, “Those cartels are clever, because you’ll never find them dealing directly to children and the vulnerable, they have an elaborate network of dealers and high-street hustlers working for them to take the fall.

“These dealers and hustlers – or ‘supermarkets’ and ‘corner shops’ as they’re known – will offer all sorts of special offers to get you hooked on this alcohol stuff.

“But there’s nothing tying the sale directly to the cartel. They get all the benefits and none of the risk. It’s kind of genius when you think about it.

“But once they’ve got their hooks into you, that’s it. You’re theirs for the rest of your life.”