…okay, do recording now! Because I command it!

Dear diary. Wait, I mean, captain’s log!

No wait, DESTROYER’S LOG!

Here is a big update on what I, Yapyap THE DESTROYER, have been doing! Besides destroying. I do a lot of that. I was doing a big destroy the other day and I uncovered a secret! It was buried in the dirt, like where all the best secrets are. So I knew it was good!

I digged it up because sometimes when you’re doing a battle nobody wants to battle you. Probably because you’re so good at doin’ battles! But it’s lonesome bein’ the best all the time – that’s a problem we Grunts gots to deal with a lot – so we spend lots of time looking for secrets or taking important naps and thinking up new ways to kill everybody. But like I was telling you, I was diggin’ and I finded a Forerunner secret artifact that is very powerful! It is called the Key of Balance and here is what happened next!

I picked it up and suddenly somebody was talkin’ in my brains, saying things about balance and responsibility! So I got a little scared and I shooted everywhere around me, but there wasn’t nobody there! Just some other Grunts who were helpin’ me dig and so I killed ‘em but the voice in my brains kept talking! And it said that I held the Key of Balance and I could bring big balancing to the galaxy and I just had to say the changes!

So I thought about some things I don’t like, like how sometimes people who aren’t me can win? And so I wanted that to not happen anymore! And I told it that I don’t even care about balance! I wanted it to be sure it heard me, so I yelled it really loud: I DON’T CARE ABOUT BALANCE!

But then the Key of Balance started doing noises, like makin’ a little high-pitched screamy noise? And I screamed right back at it! I told it I am Yapyap THE DESTROYER and that I get to make the rules and that it is a stupid idiot artifact! And I said I wanted to be strong, like as strong as a big powerful planet made of meat!

And a soft little voice in my brains asked me why, why I had so much angry feelings? And I sat down with the Key of Balance and told it I was tired of not having nobody really like me. That ever since forevers they was laughing at me because I wasn’t strong and I just wanted to show ‘em – show ‘em that I could be somebody important and make a big difference even if I wasn’t that big. But nobody wanted me because of me.

And suddenly I was doing crying and I didn’t know why. It was like I had a problem I couldn’t just drop turrets on. I feeled really lonesome and angered like I wanted to destroy something, but I couldn’t find it … I feeled that way all my life, and I realized that sometimes, it’s like the things you want to destroy the most … are the inside things.

So I said that. And the Key of Balance, it got quiet for a minute. And then there was a noise like a billion tiny singing gigglebugs and golden energy starting going out of the Key of Balance. It was swirling all over and it feeled like it was changing everything, like making everything really good and bringing a kind of beautiful harmony to the battlefield, and the Key of Balance was glowing so bright and I really carefully smashed it with a rock.

And I scooped up all the golden light juice chunks and chewed ‘em up real good and gulped ‘em down and then I felt STRONG!

SO TREMBLE IN FEAR, ALL YOU FIGHTING GUYS WHO ARE NOT YAPYAP THE DESTROYER!

FOR THE YAPPENING IS UPON YOU!

_______________________________________________________________________

UPDATE 10:13am PT

So, not sure what is going on here, but apparently this blog was somehow posted without anyone on our team being notified. And while having the occasional issue with our content management system isn’t necessarily out of the ordinary, it’s odd that we suddenly have no way to unpublish this particular piece.

-Grim

UPDATE 10:23am PT

Yeah, it’s getting weirder… it’s not just the blogs that are affected. We’re beginning to think that somehow the HW2 game files themselves are getting hit. Will definitely keep folks updated as we learn more.

-Grim

UPDATE 10:29am PT

Welp, we were right. It appears our beloved leader of the new Grunt rebellion has somehow managed to infiltrate the in-game systems and begin wreaking havoc across Halo Wars 2’s balance settings. So far, here is a running list of the stuff that’s been affected. Also, it appears as though these are part of a settings salvo that are locked in and targeted to actually go live in game at some point on the next 36 hours unless we can somehow figure out a way to stop it. Anyway, here’s that list:

-Grim

GLOBAL

To obtain power to upgrade your base, you must capture power nodes.

Every leader has a larger starting army to help fight over power nodes and power crates.

Leader Powers are all free and can be gained faster.

Leader Power cooldowns have been lowered for every leader as well. (1 minute for active drops, 2 minutes for unit drops, 3 minutes for ultimate leader powers)

Generators and Power Extractors now produce supplies.

Main base structures provide a small trickle of power over the course of the game.

Health for Bases, mini-bases, production buildings, and turrets have all gone up.

Health for expansion bases has increased, but not as much as upgraded bases.

Units across the board have been altered with new weapon types and damage modifiers.

T1 does units do low building damage. T2 does more, T3 does a lot more, and Ultimate Units such as the Condor and Scarab are game enders for stalemates.

T3 units all cost a very small amount of power.

Condors and Scarabs cost 4000/4000 but are significantly stronger and kill buildings faster.

All unit upgrades, global upgrades, and armory/war council upgrades cost supply

Global upgrades effectiveness has been increased in up to 20%/40%/60%.

All unit upgrades have been lowered to 100 supplies.

Turrets now build in roughly 15 seconds minus siege turrets.

Shields have not been changed in any way.

Unit Specific Changes

UNSC Airpad is now a Tier 1 building and allows Nightingales to be built early game.

Snipers and Rangers are both now T2.

Locusts and Kodiaks are now Tier 3 units.

Flamers, Rangers, and Suicide Grunts now have more units in their squad.

Hero units now are stronger vs buildings.

Character models have been updated for several units in the game.

Playlists and Matchmaking UI Changes

Yap = ranked 1v1

YapYap = ranked 2v2

YapYapYap = ranked 3v3

Updated deathmatch to be called “The Yappening” so it appears under the “Modes” for deathmatch.

Updated loading screens for deathmatch game mode outlining the new goals of the game mode.

Updated matchmaking background screens to be grunt themed.

UPDATE 10:37am PT

Yeah it gets worse. We found more settings that have been changed. It looks like the only modes affected are Multiplayer, Skirmish, Terminus Firefight, and Mission 9 of the main campaign for some inexplicable reason; apparently someone has taken issue that they weren't the final boss of the game. Look, if we can’t get this fixed, it looks like the Halo Wars 2 community is in for one wild weekend…

-Grim

Leader Specific Changes

Arbiter

Plasma bolt now uses a lot more shots.

Atriox

Eradication’s area of effect is much larger.

Anders

Multiple waves of ark defense now spawn instead of only having 1.

Cutter

Close air support now spawns many more pelicans in waves.

ODST drop now spawns 10 ODSTs instead of 3.

Cutter’s spartan Jerome has been replaced by the ODST hero unit from the Spearbreaker campaign.

Isabel

Mac blast now gives additional shots for each point spent on this leader power.

Shipmaster

Raid is now 2 points instead of a 3-point leader power and the upgrades condense to reflect this change.

Decimus

Fury is over 10x stronger at the highest tier.

Decimus when dropped in now does a lot more damage and his unit’s health has doubled.

Forge

Scatter bomb now hits a lot harder than it used to.

Kinsano

When you purchase heat of battle, Kinsano’s Kodiaks and siege turrets now leave a pool of fire behind that does damage over time.

Colony

Colony now has teleport.

Sergeant Johnson

EMP Mac now buffs units significantly more when targeting your own units.

Jerome

Omega Team now rides Mac blasts down as they spawn because why not?

Enduring Salvo now does damage as if a ship is falling on you because it is.

Serina

Her warthogs are now for lack of a better term frost hogs that now use cryo spray to freeze units.

Ice barriers now spawn more barriers at each tier.

Voridus

His hero unit now spawns infusion for significantly longer amount of time.

Pavium

Rain of fire now spawns more damage dealing beams at each tier of the ability.

Burnout no longer impacts unit production times.

YapYap THE DESTROYER

These Unggoy buffs are looking mean… Remind me to never talk trash to this guy ever again….

6 hero units instead of 3 can be built now.

He has more turrets in his turret drops.

Starting army is just literally OP….

He also has a 101 pop starting army.

And Cannon fodder has an increased capture rate on power nodes to better resemble other units.

UPDATE 10:42am PT

Good Lord, he’s even made his own season.

-Grim

UPDATE 10:55am PT

What in the...