ROSES ARE RED, THIS IS SPOILER FREE, WHAT’S THAT ON JOHN TUTURRO’S HEAD? WHY, IT’S TRANSFORMER PEE

My first review of 2019, and I’m on fine form for my notorious ‘attempted’ humour. My puns are as atrocious as the Transformers franchise until Bumblebee. In all honesty, perhaps not quite as terrible as that, but hey-ho, you either get humour or you’re just some dull vessel of… misery. Kind of like Michael Bay’s Transformers, one could argue. Listen, the first movie is fine. It’s a moderately entertaining explosion-fest, and is probably Michael Bay’s best movie thus far, to be fair. After that the franchise plummeted in quality. To this day, it’s a mystery to us all how I managed to sit through The Last Knight in 3D. Nobody can understand! That movie was garbage! How can something have so many random story elements cobbled together, and yet STILL be loud, and dumb, and tedious? A car PUNCHES a guy in the face with its bumper for crying out loud!

If it isn’t clear already, I disliked the Michael Bay Transformers movies.

Fortunately, we finally got the Transformers movie we all wanted with Bumblebee. And boy, was it thoroughly… alright.

The plot centres around the title character, sent to Earth by Optimus Prime during the War on Cybertron. Bumblebee lands on Earth, 1987, and before long finds himself in the possession of teenage girl Charlie Watson (Hailee Steinfeld), who’s coping with the loss of her father. Together, they’ll… be friends and do… 80’s… things. But whilst they’re doing 80’s things, they’ve got to evade capture by the US government (fronted by Colonel John Cena) and the two Decepticons who followed Bee to Earth, Shatter and Dropkick. It’s a zany premise, and you might be surprised when you watch the movie that it ‘borrows quite a lot of story beats from The Iron Giant and E.T.. Indeed, this movie does feel very Spielberg, and does borrow plot aspects very liberally from the aforementioned films. However, don’t underestimate the importance of a movie actually having an emotional core. At the end of the day, this is head and shoulders above any Transformers movie thus far in terms of overall quality, even if it is little derivative here and there.

First, let’s discuss the screenplay. You’ll be pleased to hear that unlike every other Transformers movie, the script isn’t littered with laughable dialogue (in great quantities) and frankly baffling creative choices (such as – you remember – the stammering in 3… or was it 2… they all just merge into a pool of indistinguishable action and LOUD NOISES for me). The story, as I say, is a little clichéd in places, and the screenwriters could definitely have been more ambitious than they were. But all in all, on a fundamental level it’s a strong script, which retains a consistent feel throughout, has several good laughs, and which tells a coherent story. Honestly, the simplicity of it lends itself to the finished movie. It results in something which feels much more akin to the 80’s cartoon, which I feel will certainly appeal to a lot of people.

Director Travis Knight does a masterstroke in actually framing the action in wides. So that we’re not IN the Transformers when they’re fighting. We can tell what’s going on! Plus, they’re different colours so that we can easily distinguish the onscreen conflicts, and there’s actual choreography too. Already a big thumbs up. I love the 80’s style look and feel of this film: it never feels overbearing on the story, and gives it a great sense of nostalgia. Plus, Bumblebee gets to communicate through 80’s music, which I found added to the heart of the movies – modern music doesn’t carry as much innocence and vitality I feel, both of which are characteristic of Bumblebee in all Transformers mediums. Knight’s framing of scenes is good, he uses a variety of interesting camera angles, and had the added benefit of not having to shake his hands at random intervals throughout the movie like a crazy person whilst holding the camera. Honestly, I think Knight did a great job.

If I did have a notable criticism of this movie, it would be how it’s derivative. I felt and knew that I’d seen what I was seeing on screen somewhere before, and after a while it starts dragging on. I love the relationship in this movie between Hailee Steinfeld’s character and Bee, but for a significant chunk of the movie they’re just sort of doing nothing. Lots of comic fluff, while the B-Plot can catch up with their storyline for the battle in the Third Act you know is coming. Honestly, just before the finale I was starting to switch off, but fortunately I enjoyed the climax of Bumblebee very much, so it sort of saved the movie. That and how insanely cool the opening is. One other thing is that many of the characters are one note or cliché, as I shall now discuss in-depth along with the cast.

Before I talk about the cast, I’d like to say that the Transformers aren’t just done justice in look, but in personality. Sure, the Decepticons are your generic giant evil robots, but they have personas that go with that. Bumblebee beams personality in this movie, and that works really well when he’s riffing of Hailee Steinfeld for much of the second Act (until towards the end of it, when different variations of the same scenario start wearing a little thin). Steinfeld herself is great in this movie: I think she’s a bright and charismatic screen presence, able to act with good range with the added bonus of solid comic timing. Her character is more fleshed out than any human in the franchise so far, and there’s that good sort of E.T. relationship going on which will put a smile on your face.

John Cena is… present. I think he’s an improving prospect, and could have a great acting career. But honestly, despite his charisma, he’s playing a military officer, in perhaps one of the least inspired character moves of all time. I suppose some franchise habits never do die. Oh well, I guess he’s fun. Jorge Lendeborg Jr.’s character also doesn’t really 100% work. He’s somehow less funny than Steinfeld despite being the comic relief, and sort of feels like a tacked on character to the plot. All nit-picks aside though, the acting from him and the rest of the cast is undoubtedly the most invested and justly lauded in the franchise up to this point.

All in all, Bumblebee is good, family fun, which you’ll likely find to be entertaining and heartfelt. Whilst nothing out of the ordinary, it serves its purpose well and will make you smile.

VERDICT: STELLAR

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