THIS week on Would I Lie To You: Parliamentary Special - team captain Theresa May is joined by Esther McVey, Julian Smith, Brandon Lewis and Andrea Leadsom.

The opposing team is conspicuous by its absence but there should be plenty here from Team May. They might all be on the same side – but you’d hardly know it.

Let’s introduce the players.

Captain first: Theresa “Honestly, it was an honest mistake” May. She’s determined to win – even if the losers are the British public.

She’ll be playing against her own side, but can her teammates convince her they’re playing it straight? Or only playing fast and loose?

First up, Esther McVey, former disability minister who pledged to root out the “bogus disabled”. Ms McVey, now Secretary of State for Work and Pensions, has said the Universal Credit system will create “an agile service”. As agile as her ability to present alternative truths.

Julian Smith, Chief Whip, joining them. Mr Smith seems to have no concerns about lying to a colleague who’s on maternity leave – so why the pregnant pause before Mrs May does the right thing and sacks him?

Brandon Lewis MP. You might have been trying to help, Mr Lewis, but you’ve left your captain holding the baby.

And Andrea Leadsom. John Bercow has asked us to clarify that his words were “a far from stupid woman”. Mrs Leadsom’s new complaints scheme for MPs and peers grants anonymity to honourable members being investigated for wrongdoing, including harassment and expenses fraud.

Voting for legislation to cover up their own misdoings: what a beautiful demonstration of the current contempt politicians hold for their citizens.

Now for the Quick-Fire Lies round.

Ms McVey wilfully misled Parliament by insisting a highly critical National Audit Office report said there were no problems with the implementation of the Universal Credit system. Demonstrating agility, she has now admitted there are continuing problems.

“Where we need to put our hands up,” she said, “We will do.”

Mr Smith and Mr Lewis have insisted they broke the “pairing” arrangement on a knife-edge Brexit customs union vote on Tuesday, which the Government won by six votes, in “error”.

Mrs May said the agreement was broken in an “honest mistake”. Would the Prime Minister clarify “mistake”, given she once said leaving the EU would be a mistake but now is Brexit champion?

To the Homes Truths round.

The foreign secretary tried to draw the limelight to himself during a constitutional crisis, even when a British citizen had been killed on home soil by an apparently foreign nerve agent.

A cabinet minister has deliberately given false information to parliament but escaped with barely a slapped wrist when the victims of her sustained bungling would have had their benefits sanctioned.

Two politicians have cheated a system of parliamentary fairness yet days later are still in post with the PM obfuscating about their actions.

While the Government is rapidly losing any respect from or credibility with the people it serves, MPs have voted to give themselves anonymity when investigated for wrongdoing.

This lackadaisical approach towards the truth, towards fairness and towards respect for its citizenry comes from a Government in need, more than ever, of facing up to inconvenient truths.

Who’s the winner? None of them, of course. This week’s winner, same as every week – Donald Trump.