Deanne Carson, a sexuality educator at Body Safety Australia, has recently attracted worldwide attention (Daily Mail) by suggesting that the ‘culture of consent’ should be instilled in children from birth, beginning by asking newborns for consent to changing a nappy. “Of course a baby isn’t going to respond ‘yes mum that’s awesome’” she said, “but if you leave a space and wait for body language and wait to make eye-contact then you’re letting that child know that their response matters.” The implied aim of the exercise is to protect children from sexual abuse, but the strategy of instilling the idea that children can consent to anything on their own, without their parents approval, is likely to have a diametrically opposite effect.

Ms Carson did not state that infants can give proper consent, let alone sexual consent, but only that education about consent should be ideally implemented by parents asking their infant for ‘as if’ consent, as a form of consent-centred play rather than parental decisions being made subject to their child’s consent. In consideration of this duplicitous aspect of the exercise, Zoe Williams of The Guardian has accused Ms Carson of “authoritarian deceit” and “gaslighting”, suggesting that “to impart information before its recipient is old enough to understand it” can preclude genuine inquiry into the nature of consent when growing up. I agree with Zoe Williams’ conclusion but primarily for different reasons, without negating hers.

In a statement to Daily Mail, Ms Carson said that “One in three girls, one in seven boys will be sexually assaulted by the time they are eighteen years old. One in twelve girls are sexually abused before the age of six. Most of those by a family member or someone trusted by the family.” It is unclear why Ms Carson believes that role-play about consent is going to change those statistics, but the relevant takeaway here is that sexual offender is typically a family member or a friend. This I believe is one of the reasons why Ms Carsons’ strategy would not only be ineffective but objectively harmful. Most child abuse is already ‘consensual’ in the sense that a child is brainwashed into believing that what is done to them is good and right. That is what sexual grooming is all about: eliciting consent.

Children do not have the psychological maturity, experience and cognitive skills to effectively negotiate with adults. It is therefore an incredibly dangerous idea to put into kids’ heads that they possess the capacity to consent to anything being done to their body or mind without their parents approval, let alone against their parents wishes. A far more reliable form of protection against sexual exploitation (and collectivist indoctrination) is to reinforce in children what they already instinctively know, that is, to check with both parents whether any new activity is safe and permissible. This is possible only in combination with the emphasis on parental authority (and responsibility), which is relinquished only progressively as the child develops the capacity to think rationally and act responsibly. Sexual consent is NOT like allowing a child to decide whether it wants to eat a banana (a comparison Ms Carson has actually made), but one of the most risky aspects of personal autonomy which is understandably subject to strict age restrictions.

In the context of child’s welfare, what ‘feels right’ to a child – its ‘body autonomy’ – is secondary to what is objectively right for a child, and children do not have the capacity to make that distinction, or be expected to foresee the life changing consequences of their choices as reliably as adults. Children must therefore rely on advice and judgement of adult legal guardians or parents about any new activity, especially if the activity is sexual or quasi-sexual in nature. Indoctrination of children with the idea that they possess the capacity, let alone the right to autonomously consent to anything is inconsistent with the principle of parental responsibility and contrary to trust in parents’ advice, explanation and judgment. On a deeper level, the ‘culture of consent’, insofar as emphasises the autonomy of children, may be deleterious to family as a fundamental political structure.

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