(*Author’s note: this is intended to be a recurring, spiteful, vitriolic, and — above all else — hateful take on Nebraska’s upcoming opponent for the week.)

1. I hate your devil’s pitchfork looking ass logo that you all have slapped on your helmets like you’re advertising your 6.9 million person, Midwestern satanic cult.

I hate that I can’t decide whether it looks more like a trident from the 36th live-action Disney cash-grab remake of The Little Mermaid or if it looks more like the talking French candelabra from the 34th live-action Disney cash grab remake of that movie — you know, the one where the girl ends up wanting to bang it out with a buffalo-moose monster hybrid? That one.