So You Missed Smite…

It’s happened. You missed smite. Maybe you smote too early, perhaps you still have it up and just didn’t use it altogether. What now?

Well, now it’s time to get typing. You need an alibi before your teammates flame you into oblivion. So, let’s get to it, with my handy list of useful excuses for missing smite. The following 10 excuses become exceedingly more ridiculous and impractical, so for your benefit, start with the basic excuses before mastering some of the more complex ones.

“I lagged” – This classic excuse is a go to in my book, but the true master of this excuse uses a third party application in order to temporarily devour their bandwidth temporarily. Alt-tabbing and activating this program after you have missed smite, can increase your ping (latency), allowing you to then ping your ping to prove to your teammates how “laggy” you are. Need help temporarily increasing your ping? Try updating a game on Steam.

“My cat/dog jumped me” – Another classic excuse utilized frequently by streamers and Bronzies alike. I enjoy taking this excuse to a different level by discussing my hypothetical cat’s medical history, creating sympathy amongst my comrades.

“My mouse ran out of batteries” – Have a wired mouse? Your teammates don’t have to know. This classic excuse is bettered by an absence of movement following the missed smite. Try playing a few clicks of minesweeper, or booting up a game of Hearthstone in the meantime.

“I was watching LCS” – This excuse works well when LCS is live, and even better when TSM is playing, but don’t let this stop you from claiming to watch rebroadcasts and VODs. This excuse is best when you throw in the matchup followed by a “No Spoilers please.”

“It was my turn in Hearthstone” – This optimal cover-up works even better if you tell your teammates how far you are on your Arena run. Remember that Hearthstone can be replaced by 3-D and even 4-D chess for maximum impact.

“I’m practicing for my Saintvicious cosplay” – This strategy is best at higher elo, with players who have been around the competitive scene for quite some time.

“Oh, I thought you were going to” – Bold, and precocious, this excuse transfers blame onto another player. I have yet to see this one work, however if you are playing with a Nasus, or any other stacking champion you can modify this one by saying you were letting them get stacks that they did not capitalize on.

“Sorry fam, there was a (input natural disaster) making it hard to hit my smite” – This high-level excuse is as effective as it is well designed. Start with a whimsical opening in order to soften the blow of whatever natural disaster you choose to create. Remember, your goal is to balance comedy and tragedy here so keep it light, but also devastating.

“A mouse ran across my keyboard” – This excuse works best when you cast smite too early. Mice are scary, so your teammates may empathize with your situation. The challenjour rendition of this excuse can also be helpful, “ A keyboard ran across my mouse.”