Despite this blog nominally being about my experience of Muay Thai training in Thailand, I have yet to truly detail the training. This was brought startlingly home to me when my sister said she was thinking of joining me because ‘I don’t mind running and skipping.’ Yeah, I may have missed some crucial points.

Here’s a run-down of, for example, yesterday’s afternoon training session:

Half hour of skipping.

5 x 5 minute rounds of one-on-one padwork.

20-30 minutes clinching

15 minutes sparring

500 knees on the bag

200 sit ups.

If this does not make you feel tired just reading it, you haven’t understood. For those of you who know, you may skip the next three paragraphs. but for those of you who have never trained in Muay Thai, I shall explain.

Padwork is like sprinting while exerting a lot of force, for five minutes. Your trainer puts for you to hit: Punch, kick, elbow, knee, combination, etc. And you are obliged to hit fast, and with as much power as you can muster, or you will do it again. You must also be ready to defend yourself from kicks, punches, and even the occasional attempt at a sweep. This is hard work for your heart, your muscles, and even your brain as you keep watch for various incoming attacks. And this is, for me, the hardest work we do here.

Clinching is upright grappling, which can look to the uninitiated (and sometimes to the initiated) like very aggressive hugging. You are trying to get the best arm position around your opponent’s neck, while also trying to knee him/her in the stomach/rib area, and trying to sweep him/her. It is a lot of core work, and a lot of brain work. One wrong step and you’re having an intimate moment with the floor.

Sparring is not, as some initially think, a lovely bath with jets that massage your muscles. It is practise fighting. Here, you must use 50% of your power or you get yelled at for going too soft. And to make matters worse, everyone will watch you and yell advice at you, and you have to follow it, even though you don’t always know what they’ve said because they said it in Thai, and Thai is not the first language that comes to your mind when you are being assaulted.

The regimen in and of itself is one thing. It is a brutal thing. And it is a twice-a-day thing. But one must also account for the oppressive, cloying heat. Most days are thirty degrees and above. Even in the morning sessions it doesn’t get below 25 or so. And it is not a dry heat such as I know from the Sunburnt Country. It is wet. It is dense. The air is thick with moisture, so that even a gentle walk will drive a sweat up on your skin. After half an hour skipping, you are shiny. After two hours of work, you look like a crew member from Deadliest Catch. Doing high-intensity cardiovascular exercise in this weather is hard work. Doing it twice a day is punishing. Doing it six days a week is one Hail Mary short of the Opus Dei.

I must say, though, that the trainers are lovely. The atmosphere in the gym is extremely friendly and kind, and everyone is (mostly) happy to teach you. And believe me, I have a lot to learn, even from the youngest boys, who look at me like they must be wondering how I got to this ripe old age without knowing what to do in the clinch. Like, how can you possibly not know that when you have your arms wrapped around someone’s neck, you knee them in the nose. Obviously! KO!

There is one other thing that can be difficult. Which is, I don’t really know anyone here. In London when I train, I know everyone, and they are my friends. Going to training isn’t just about training, it’s also about being social, seeing my friends, doing something I enjoy with friends. I miss them all very much. I miss the jokes and the atmosphere and holding pads for my friends. And I miss air conditioning and showers without ants and not being the biggest retard in the gym. Here, there’s none of that. Here, the only thing to get you up in the morning is your love for the sport. Which is a hard sell at 6am when it’s barely light and you’ve had no sleep because the trains insist on honking their not insignificant horns at all hours and you’ve unwittingly opened a mosquito diner in the night.

So, in conclusion, this is not a holiday spa with some skipping ropes. This is a gym with some beds. If you want to toughen up, you will be welcomed with open arms… that will then hit you to see if you’re concentrating. If you’re looking for a rest, I hear Ko Samui is very nice.

Here are some more photos I have taken too:

Grandpa and baby on a stroll.

Some of the boys. They were very anxious that the photo represented them well.

Miss Ta and her mother preparing our dinner.

The boys practising their dance moves.