It’s time to come out of the closet and stop living this lie. I am fascinated - beyond all reason, beyond all proportion, beyond any meaning whatsoever - by the title screen to the 1993 PC game Bio Menace.

Let me be upfront about this. There is no special reason for this obsession. I hold no nostalgic connection to Apogee Software’s side-scroller as a whole. But its opening statement - its bold énoncé de mission - stands on its own. It compels my attention like little else in this precious world. I have spent many years now wondering why.

Please humour me. Take a look. Can you see it?