Every day we make countless unconscious decisions, from how we brush our teeth to which route to take to work. A lot of these are relatively inconsequential, and it really doesn’t matter one way or the other. On the other hand, some of these seemingly minor decisions add up and contribute to our way of being, or how we see the world.

These eventually turn into habitual patterns that we don’t even think about. Often, it’s the choice that we don’t take that can tell us so much about ourselves.

Every couple of weeks, I plan out my short-term goals, review mid- and long-term goals and identify daily tasks I need to accomplish to reach them. Often it’s things like “post 2 blogs per week,” or “research somatic practices to help with creativity” or something similar. Aside from things like “file quarterly tax payments” I’m generally pretty excited to do these things, and for the most part they move me merrily along towards my goals.

What I started looking at though, were the things I wasn’t putting on my list. Digging through this list brought up a lot of resistance, which was a big clue that this was something to investigate. The things I was excited about were put on my list very consciously. But the things I didn’t like doing were often left aside without any thought at all.

Looking closer, I found myself unconsciously discarding those things that made me uncomfortable. I like writing, so adding “post blogs” to my list is a conscious decision that feels good. What’s not so apparent is that by adding this to my list, I’m discarding other things. Sure, some of them are things I haven’t even thought about. But if I am really honest with myself, there are a lot of things I don’t add to my list because I just don’t want to do them.

As a solopreneur, I read a lot of books on building a successful business. Nearly all of them mention cold calling. I’m well aware of this marketing tactic but despise it so much that I unconsciously leave it off my to-do list. I don’t even consider it a possible action. I have to literally stop and force myself to consider cold calling.

Looking deeper, I found that the things I consciously gravitate to are those that are based in faith. I have faith that someone will read my blogs and find them helpful, so I’m energized to write them. Those things that I semi-consciously avoid are those that are based in fear. My belief is that old calling is 90% rejection, and I hate that feeling. If someone doesn’t read my blog, I don’t know about it. If someone hangs up on me, I sure as heck DO know about it, and it feels like crap.

So I started consciously adjusting my attitude, first by noticing discomfort and using that as a sign to look deeper. It turns out the discomfort is fear of rejection about 99% of the time. Knowing that I can start to reprogram how I view that particular task. With cold calling, I can be afraid that I will be rejected 90% of the time, or I can have faith that I will make an appointment 10% of the time. Yes, it’s the simple “half full or half empty” comparison. But I never would have realized that if I hadn’t used discomfort as a sign to look deeper.

I had to approach my fear with an attitude of curiosity in order to explore it. I needed to approach the act of cold calling from a different viewpoint entirely in order to even see it as a possible action. These decisions happen all the time, and as uncomfortable as it may be, investigating the choices we don’t take can often lead to a deep understanding of ourselves and a completely new view of the actions available to us.

Matt McLaughlin helps conscious companies build transformational leaders and teams. He has over 20 years of experience building high-performance teams and has practiced and taught meditation for 30 years. He brings a deep passion for companies that foster social and environmental sustainability and views business as a crucial component of societal change.

Subscribe to our newsletter for more tips on communication skills!