Aussie men may make worse husbands than their counterparts in the US or Britain, but according to one social researcher, women have no-one to blame but themselves.

An Oxford University study recently revealed that women wanting to settle down are far better off with a bloke from Scandinavia, the United States or Britain than Australia because the latter loathe helping out around the house.

Dr Rebecca Huntley, who is speaking at Sydney's Dangerous Ideas Festival this weekend, says women tend to be martyrs and control freaks when it comes to household duties, thus embracing their own domestic slavery.

Dr Huntley says women need to take responsibility for the fact that men do only slightly more house work today than they did in 1992.

"Eighteen years on and all the things that have happened with women - their increased participation in the workforce, the increasing number of hours they do, movements up the corporate ladder and into positions of government, men are still not doing more," she said.

She says the average time spent each day on domestic activities in and around the house - which includes looking after the kids - is 1 hour and 37 minutes for men and 2 hours and 52 minutes for women.

"The conclusion for feminists has always been that men are lazy and they're bad and they're sexist and all the rest of it, and there is certainly evidence in the research to suggest that men are reluctant to help out in the home, but no complex social problem is one person's fault," she said.

"I think there are also things that women do that often obfuscate men's best attempts to be involved, women are often their worst enemies."

Dr Huntley says women who constantly pick up their husbands' wet towels and put away their dirty dishes or get mad when they cook with the wrong pot and dress the kids in clothes that don't match have a defeatist attitude, which will eventually lead to resentment.

"Women just do things to avoid an argument, they don't want the conflict and they don't want the fight, so they continue to do these things which essentially enable men to continue to behave the way they do," she said.

"Often what's invested for women in holding onto these things is control, this idea of perfection, of how things have to be, and I think that's a problem.

"This re-doing stuff or applying ridiculous standards or requiring our partners to do things exactly the way we are doing it - if safety and health isn't an issue then that's a mistake.

"Not creating a space and allowing out partners to learn how to do those things is a real shame."

She says men and women need to sit down and discuss the division of household chores, the same way they might get together and talk finances.

If Australia's domestic dynamics don't change, Dr Huntley says the quality of relationships will continue to suffer.

"It's really about that feeling in a relationship that you're in a partnership ... and that your partner is just not another child who happens to have a car and a cheque book," she said.

"Part of it is feeling like you have the right to ask for what you want.

"I'd like to think that with all the progress we've made as women over the last two decades that we can feel at least empowered enough to be able to say to our partners 'we both work full time but I do twice the amount of housework as you and it's making me tired and unhappy so how can we change it?'."

Dr Huntley is a writer and director of Ipsos Mackay research.

Her controversial ideas will be presented at the Opera House this weekend alongside dozens of other provocative topics like what we can learn from terrorists, the fact that all men are fakes, why Canberra is the best city in Australia, and whether children are worth it.