You know her as the woman made famous by her hysterical impressions of Céline Dion and Michael Jackson on Royal Canadian Air Farce, but there’s nothing funny about some of what Jessica Holmes was going through while becoming one of Canada’s most successful comedians.

Holmes recounts the years leading up to her diagnosis with depression in a new book called Depression the Comedy: A Tale of Perseverance out April 24.

I spoke with the Toronto actor and mom of two recently about her struggles with depression and getting better while meeting the demands of motherhood.

I read that your first encounter with mental illness was when you had postpartum depression. What was that like?

In retrospect, that was a shorter depression to go through because it was so acute. Our babies are 18 months apart, and that pays off greatly in the long haul, but in the short-run, having kids that far apart — what a challenge. I felt like I hadn’t understood kids properly before I had them. I always felt like I was playing catch-up, even though we had tons of support and a lot of people offering to help. I just felt like I personally couldn’t handle it. And I didn’t know what to do about that. I just kept throwing myself into my career but then when I would come back home I felt so much guilt for not being an awesome mom. This sort of anxiety was growing in me that I was failing them and not handling things the way I should be handling them. And it got to a point where one morning I woke up and said, “I can’t look after the kids this morning.” And (my husband, actor Scott Yaphe) said, “OK, well don’t worry. I’ll look after them and you come down when you’re ready.” And I said, “No, I seriously think I can’t look after them ever.” I felt just paralyzed like I needed to stay in bed the rest of my life. And Scott did this little moonwalk out of the room and said, “I’m just going to give the doctor a call.” And I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and started on medication that day.

How were things after that?

I would say for sure that within maybe four months of that I was healed. I was better. I learned to not sweat the small stuff so much by going to therapy and talking through some parenting things and realizing nobody has to get it perfect. It’s going to be a learning adventure for parents and kids alike. And the medication helped. I felt like, “OK, I’m not having any more kids. I’ll never be depressed again.”

But about four years later it came along again and it was different. The depression that came later snuck up so slowly and it wasn’t necessarily as anxiety based, it was more sort of not enjoying things as much, not finding any spark in my creativity. I loved my kids so much, and they were the high point of my life, but everything else sort of paled. I didn’t want to be around other people. I didn’t want to be open or affectionate with my husband and really pulled away from a lot of things and a lot of people to the point that I stopped working completely for about six months. I just kept thinking “I don’t think I’m in the right career; things just don’t feel right.” Then Scott and I went to marriage counselling, and in the first meeting, the therapist said, “Ah, this is textbook depression.” So, I was glad she said that because it meant that maybe Scott and I weren’t the problem. Maybe depression, which is — knock on wood — “fixable,” was the problem. I was relieved but also disappointed that it had snuck up on me.

So, how are you doing today?

I would say now I’m so much more careful with monitoring my moods and my excitement for things. I have a whole checklist I go through every couple of days just to make sure that I’m doing good things for my mental health but then also that how I perceive the world is still positive and hasn’t slipped back into that grey area.

What does that checklist look like?

I said to my psychiatrist, my problem is I end up on the sofa every day and she said, “Well, if you got a dog, would that get you off the sofa?” And so I did and it was amazing to me how the tiny changes I made sort of snowballed. Every time I would walk the dog, every time I did daily exercise, even if it’s just five minutes of exercise, it sort of acts as this catalyst and gets your energy going a little bit, gets your self-esteem pumped up a little bit. The list includes walking a dog, making healthier food choices, making sure I talk to friends every day even if I don’t have work or social things planned. I have to reach out. I have to be in contact with other humans. And giving myself structure. So, that means every morning, rain or shine, I write for two hours. If there’s a deadline, I’m writing for that, or otherwise, I’m writing standup or putting posts on Facebook or Twitter. So, it’s finding things that creatively light my spark again.

Looking back, do you think that it was any harder for you to recognize that you were in trouble because there was a public perception of you as a successful and funny person?

I think a part of why I didn’t reach out as much is because I knew that it would look strange to, for example, my friends, because on paper, I had such a good life. I have my kids and my husband and my house and my job, and I knew that there might not be a ton of compassion for me saying, “I just can’t get out of this funk. I feel deeply sad. I’m crying everyday and I don’t know what’s going on with that.” And so, I’ve just decided in my little way to try to be less critical of anyone going through anything I don’t understand. If it’s a mom having a breakdown at the movie theatre and yelling and losing her temper, I just think “She must be going through something big.”

If there was just one thing you could say to someone who was privately struggling with depression and not particularly comfortable admitting it or seeking help, what would that be?

I would say there is no problem so unique that other people haven’t been through it, and I know that if you are suffering from depression that it could feel like nothing could make a difference and that it’s too hard to even take that first little step. But one day when you are feeling somewhat strong, please take that first little step because it will snowball into taking bigger steps down the road.

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