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Yesterday, I asked you to write in with your questions about workplace dilemmas for the organizational psychologist Adam Grant, the subject of this past weekend’s cover article, who studies the ways that being altruistic can lead to success in a career. Here are Grant’s answers to your questions.

How do you respond to colleagues who complain about your helpfulness or criticize you for being helpful? Rosemary C. Reilly ‏(via @rosemary_reilly)

You might approach a colleague and say: “When I did X, I was trying to be helpful. Can you help me understand why you interpreted it differently?” From there, the goal is to make sure that you’re using the same data, and exchange advice on how to approach these situations differently in the future. For more details, read about the ladder of inference and check out “The Fifth Discipline Fieldbook,” by Senge and colleagues.

Any advice on dealing w an extremely loud phone talker in an open office? Caroline (via ‏@csaudek)

One of the most robust findings in psychology is that people are less likely to be defensive when you criticize a behavior, rather than attacking a person. I might start by approaching the person, noting that you often have trouble concentrating when colleagues are speaking loudly on the phone, and ask if there are ways that you can work together on a solution that will benefit the whole office. For example, Leslie Perlow has implemented “quiet time” windows in Fortune 500 companies (see her book, “Sleeping With Your Smartphone”). For more guidance, I would highly recommend reading the book “Difficult Conversations,” by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen. It was the one and only required reading when I trained as a conflict mediator, and I use the insights every day. Many of the students and executives who have taken my courses describe it as life-changing.

Is there a limit of how many years you can work in the same role in the same company? Anne Kristiansen ‏(via @AMKristiansen)

I usually judge limits on years of work experience by whether you’re continuing to learn and gaining responsibility and impact. When your development stalls, and when your contributions don’t expand, I think it’s often time for a change. Many people assume that this means finding a new role, overlooking that meaningful change can occur in the context of an existing role. Amy Wrzesniewski, Jane Dutton and Justin Berg have done fascinating research on job crafting, the ways that we take initiative to modify our own tasks and relationships — adding projects that are interesting or challenging, delegating and swapping tasks with others and choosing to spend more time collaborating with particular people. They’ve developed an activity, the Job Crafting Exercise, in which you can map the key building blocks of your job, and then formulate a more ideal — but still realistic — plan for crafting your job to align more closely with your interests, skills and values. It’s also an excellent way to identify new ways of adding value.

What do you do when there’s a huge animosity between you and your staff without space for frank discussion? Fabien Dreyfus ‏(via @Menasseu)

This is a tough question to answer without knowing more about the sources of the animosity and the reasons behind the difficulties with frank discussion. If you want to tackle it directly, I would suggest reading Roger Schwarz’s new book, “Smart Leaders, Smarter Teams.” I would also consider hiring an outside consultant who can gather honest feedback and begin to chart a course of action for moving forward. Some of the smaller firms that have impressed me are Roger Schwarz & Associates, TruePoint and Denison Consulting. For additional ideas on how to gather feedback, see Michael Beer and Russell Eisenstat’s 2004 article in Harvard Business Review, “How to Have an Honest Conversation,” and Ed Schein’s 1990 article in MIT Sloan Management Review, “A General Philosophy of Helping.”

How do you find the right balance between working hard and networking with colleagues? Tyyne Tulonen ‏@tyynetulonen

I’m not familiar with any hard-and-fast rules about the right balance, but I think the ideal strategy is to get more work done through networks, so that you’re being productive and building relationships at the same time. In “The Hidden Power of Social Networks,” Rob Cross and Andrew Parker offer an excellent framework for analyzing the networks in your organization and working to make them more efficient and effective.



Do you suggest ways to encourage teachers and the community of a high-performing charter high school in a low-income neighborhood to raise their standards? ASR, Arlington, Va.

My favorite ideas are in the book “Switch,” by Chip and Dan Heath. They highlight a series of creative, evidence-based strategies for changing sticky attitudes and behaviors. One of the most powerful is appealing to pride — instead of trying to change teachers’ values, identify values that are already important to them and articulate how raising the bar will enable them to express these values and affirm their identities.

How does one deal with the “queen bees” at work? They’re successful and credible. I’m just on my way to success. They keep pulling me down. Lori, Pakistan

One counterintuitive strategy is to ask them for advice. For example, you could approach one of them and say: “My goal is to contribute more to this organization, and I admire your accomplishments and influence. Would you be willing to share some wisdom with me?” Katie Liljenquist has done groundbreaking studies showing that advice requests can help us turn our adversaries into our advocates. First, being asked for advice might flatter the queen bee. To paraphrase Benjamin Franklin, we all admire the wisdom of people who come to us for advice. After all, they have great taste! (Also, see this.) Second, to give you meaningful guidance, the queen bee has to take your perspective, which often gives rise to identification and empathy. Third, the flattery and empathy set the stage for the queen bee to make a commitment to helping and supporting you. It’s important to note, though, that advice-seeking works only if it’s sincere; Liljenquist finds that you actually need to have a genuine interest in the other person’s recommendations. For more details on this strategy and the evidence behind it, see Chapter 5 of my book, “Give and Take.”

I find myself feeling that the only way for me to have a chance at happiness is to not have a day job and use that time to catch up on getting better at filmmaking, which is my passion. I wonder if there is a middle ground (i.e., a different day job that still gives me the emotional space to work on film when I come home). I am scared of having no income, no health insurance, and no idea of what job I could get at the end of that year if something doesn’t work out. Both choices scare me. Any advice for a coward? Asking-the-Same-Question, New York

Tom Gilovich and his colleagues have found that in the long run, we regret errors of omission rather than errors of commission. According to their data, you’re more likely to regret not taking the leap than taking it. That said, regret is certainly not the only lens through which to evaluate this decision. I wonder if it’s possible for you to find a middle ground, where you join or build a film club with others who share your interests. This could help you hold yourself accountable to your colleagues, making sure that you carve out the time and space to pursue your passion or filmmaking. I’m also curious about whether you can find a role that allows for what Siobhan O’Mahony and Beth Bechky call stretchwork, where you can do some filmmaking on the side as a secondary project. Also, it might be fruitful to take Nick Tasler’s free Decision Pulse to assess the relative strength of your priorities with respect to security versus stimulation. (I also loved his book “The Impulse Factor,” about the dynamics of caution and risk-seeking.) Dan Pink gives some thought-provoking examples of this in his book “Drive,” and if you’re still torn, try watching Dan Gilbert’s TED talk and reading Barry Schwartz’s book, “The Paradox of Choice” (especially the last chapter, which is chock-full of insightful advice on how to make good decisions). I wish you the best of luck with the decision!

I am 23 and finishing up my Teach for America commitment in Miami and want to continue a career in education policy and leadership. Months ago, I accepted an offer to teach at a charter school in Boston. But another opportunity has presented itself that focuses more on education policy and leadership in Washington, D.C. I feel like there may be more opportunities if I take the D.C. job, but I am not sure. Should I teach one more year? Or should I go with the D.C. opportunity that seems to have a greater impact on education? What is the protocol when it comes to recalling a job offer? Catalina Hidalgo, Miami

I’m always hesitant to give prescriptive advice about major life decisions, especially to someone I’ve never met. In this case, though, it sounds as if additional experience in teaching will have diminishing returns from a learning and growth standpoint, and the Washington position is more closely aligned with your long-term goals. As for recalling the acceptance, this is never fun. I typically advise my students (especially the givers!) to ask themselves whether the employer would consider laying them off, and the less loyal they expect the employer to be, the less they should feel obligated to reciprocate. You might have an easier time breaking the news if you can recommend some outstanding candidates to fill your shoes. For additional ideas on how to deliver the message, see Andy Molinsky and Joshua Margolis’s 2006 article, “The Emotional Tightrope of Downsizing,” in Organizational Dynamics.

What strategies would you recommend for an introvert who sometimes feels exhausted because she works with mostly extroverts? Alice, Texas

The psychologist Brian Little finds that introverts need restorative niches — places and projects that allow them to recharge. See his article on acting out of character and Susan Cain’s captivating book, “Quiet.”

I am very introverted, and my office at my new job is on the outer edge of my department. I sit facing the door to the elevators & bathrooms, and my neighbor (in another department) has people going in and out of her office, talking loudly, all day long. I have less distractions if the door is left open just a crack, but most people here leave their doors wide open when possible. I’m already worried about being perceived as a snob due to my shyness and fancy schooling, but I want to stay focused on my work. Should I leave the door wide open, or mostly closed? C.L., New York

I would start with self-disclosure: communicate to your colleagues that you’re on the introverted side, and you often need quiet to concentrate. Ask them if they mind you closing your door — many studies, including Victor Vroom’s, show that people are more likely to buy into our decisions when they’ve had some input. Then, as I suggested to Caroline above in reference to Leslie Perlow’s book, “Sleeping With Your Smartphone,” you might consider setting dedicated time intervals for closing your door when you need to focus, and opening it at other intervals.

How do I bring up the discussion about creating a maternity-leave policy? (I’m not pregnant.) I am paid an hourly wage, and I currently receive no paid leave (vacation or sick). I work 20 hrs./week (not enough to qualify for FMLA leave). I want to ask about this now, so I can prepare my family and my job, if/when we decide to have kids. If the job decides it would be better to hire someone else permanently, then I would appreciate knowing that sooner than later. If the job would be flexible and work with me, I’d like to know that as well, so I can consider what I need to do to cover for the time I am away? 20-something, Mid-Atlantic region

You might start by identifying a potential advocate in the organization who has influence over policies, and ask that person if you can set up a meeting to discuss an issue that’s important to you. During the meeting, you could describe why a maternity leave policy is meaningful — not only to retain you, but also to attract and retain other talented people in the organization. You could then ask for advice about how to explore this, and ideally, the person will begin helping you champion the cause. You might also consider identifying some colleagues who are willing to support the request, in the hopes of gaining strength in numbers. For more details on how to apply this approach, see “Turn Your Adversary Into Your Advocate,” by Katie Liljenquist, and Adam Galinsky in Negotiation, as well as Chapter 5 of “Give and Take.”

Any ideas on how to fix a department of a university where there is a culture of ineffective management, staff members who take advantage of said management and a few employees who seem to be burdened with everybody else’s problems? Alex, New Haven

I think it starts with conducting a careful diagnosis of the need for change, and then building a core change team with the right mix of leadership skills, expertise, credibility and departmental representation. The core change team would then work together to develop a vision, create a sense of urgency, communicate the vision and begin implementing and consolidating. To read further, see John Kotter’s book “Leading Change,” which outlines an extremely useful and practical process.

I’m 57 and want to change careers. Presumably my income will drop (by about 50%, I’m guessing). Any advice about how to sell this to my wife? Chris, New York

I would refer back to the advice-seeking strategy that I mentioned to Lori above. Instead of trying to sell it to her, you might tell her your goal and ask for her guidance about how to pursue it in a way that’s viable for your family. For further guidance, check out Dan Pink’s book “To Sell Is Human,” which offers creative ideas about how to attune and pitch.