GOODYEAR, AZ—Acknowledging that the resemblance was quite striking, local grandmother Dorothy Hanson told reporters Wednesday that her newborn grandchild Dylan definitely has his father Jack’s asshole. “Oh my goodness, you certainly are the spitting image of your daddy,” said Hanson while changing the baby’s diaper, taking note of how the infant’s “cute little button” anus looked identical to his father’s. “He even scrunches it up the same way as his dad, and it’s the exact same shade of brown-pink. It’s like I’m looking at Jack!” Hanson added that, despite the father and son having indistinguishable assholes, she had no idea where the baby’s penis came from.

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