Standing Up

Molly and Dick Esseks , 75 and 74

Lincoln, Neb.

Molly: I was working as a bilingual secretary at the United Nations, and I saw a small notice on the bulletin board of the staff dining room that read, “Join us in a march on Washington for jobs and freedom.” And it said that Martin Luther King would be speaking.

My roommate for three years at Oberlin was an African-American, and I knew that she had suffered terrible indignities just because she was African-American.

I had recently been married, just a little over two months at the time. That evening I told Dick, “I saw this notice and I am going.” And he said, “No, you can’t go.” And I said, “Well, why not?”

Dick: I was terrified. Here was this lovely girl I had just married, and I didn’t want her to be shot. There had been deaths in the South.

Molly: But you know, you get to the point that I didn’t think I could have any self-respect if I didn’t stand up for what I believed. And he said, “They don’t need you!” And I said, "Yes, they do need me. I’m just the person that they need, I’m a peace-loving, quiet person, and I stand up for what I believe, I can’t let other people stand up for me anymore." Then Dick used the F word — “I forbid you to go!”

Dick: Now, keep in mind I was 24 years old and this was 1963. I think there still were church services that included a letter from St. Paul, which said women obey your husband.

Molly: And I just looked at him and I said, “This is why I was afraid of getting married. I don’t want some man telling me what I can and can’t do. I am going. You don’t have to go if you’re afraid, I understand, but I have to go.”

Dick: This was about the first time where we’d had that direct confrontation. And I was impressed. I loved her; I wasn’t going to be a tyrant. So once the issue was clearly raised, I had to agree that she had a right to do this because she believed in it. I caved and said, “O.K., I will go too.”

Molly: He went to protect me.

The thing that scared me was all those buses going down the highway — I never saw anything like it. There were buses in front of us and behind us as far as you could see. And, I have to admit, at that point – because I don’t like big crowds, which I hadn’t much thought about – I kind of wanted to tap the driver on the shoulder and ask him to please let me out. I wondered what had I gotten us into. But, of course, I didn’t tell Dick that I was afraid, not for years!

Boy, when we got there, it was just so well organized. And the mood of the people there, it was just friendly, almost like a big family picnic.

Dick: Molly and I decided to go up the Washington Monument. We walked up, and what a view! There was this tremendous number of human beings below us, white and black.

Molly: It was a sea of humanity!

Dick: We’d never seen so many people before all in one place.

Molly: There was a feeling of amazement. I was happy that there were so many people witnessing this message that just had to get through.

Dick: By that time, I realized that Molly had done the right thing. And I was grateful to her for more or less forcing me to go.

Molly: It had been a big day. And on the way home, I thought, did we really accomplish anything? And I felt kind of confused but hopeful about what had just happened, what we had done. Had we accomplished what Martin Luther King and the other people who organized it were hoping for? Now, it’s amazing, I think we did.