Screw You Tom Bombadil!

Some of you may know but it is not something that I have been advertising. I recently took an intern position at the small publishing house that published my mentor/teacher/friend, Maxwell Alexander Drake’s book series. Since they are a small publishing house, employees end up filling many roles. Editors are Typesetters. The Art Director also does web design. So farming out some of that work to an intern like me saves them time and money. In return I get to learn about the publishing industry and get my foot in the door.

One of my duties is to go to local conventions with our authors and help them out. I help them set up and tear down the booth at the beginning and end of the con. In between I help sell to potential customers and answer any questions about the books, house and authors that I can.

When I am with Drake there is a story that I usually tell to people dozens of times during a con. His book is fantasy and I didn’t care for that genre growing up. The catalyst for my distaste was none other than the Father of Modern Fantasy Literature; J.R.R. Tolkien.

I made the mistake of trying to read Lord of the Rings when I was about ten-years-old. Some of my fellow nerds at school had relished me with stories of wizards, elves and magic. They made it sound oh-so-exciting. So I promptly borrowed a copy of The Fellowship of the Ring from the school library. Over the next week I spent more time reading the dictionary than I did the book because I was trying to decipher what Mr. Tolkien was saying. I decided right then and there that all fantasy stories were mind numbing drivel and I swore off the genre forever. I was quoted as saying, “I’m taking my starship and going home.”

So for twenty-five years I read Sci-Fi and Horror instead. I never played Dungeons and Dragons. I didn’t know what a twenty sided die was. I lumped wizards and elves in with unicorns and decided they were for girls. Real men shoot lasers.

Until I decided that because I was taking Drake’s writing class it might be appropriate to read his books and find out if he can really actually write. I couldn’t put the book down. I finished them in record time (for me) and realized that I had been wrong all this time. Fantasy wasn’t boring! The way that Tolkien wrote was boring. He was stuffy Englishman professor. The realization hit me like a slap to the face. All those wasted years!

Well, fuck it. Lightsabers are still cooler than magic wands.

A great bi-product of my fantasy genre ignorance is being able to look at stories, art and people with a fresh set of eyes. Imagined Interprises (the publishing house) deals mostly with fantasy and sci-fi. Whenever someone asks me if I have read (insert famous fantasy novel here) or heard of (insert famous fantasy author/artist here) I have to tell them no. After they wipe the shocked look off of their face they usually delight in telling them all about it/them. It’s fun to watch people talk about things they are passionate about.

This last weekend I helped Drake work the Sony Online Entertainment Live Convention (formerly Sony Fan-Faire) at Bally’s. There are two things that I learned from doing this con. Number One: The average attendee was a white male, mid-thirties, belly hanging waaay over their belt with a sarcastic t-shirt inexplicably still tucked in, wearing a fedora, cargo pants and MANdals whilst walking with a cane. European Shoulder Bag optional. Number Two: Larry Elmore is a really nice guy.

If you don’t know who Larry Elmore is, don’t feel bad neither did I. If you do know feel free to stop reading and jump up and down for a minute in nerd-fueled excitement. Apparently Larry is the Godfather of Fantasy Art. He does and has been doing high end oil paintings for cover art for 30+ years. He is a friend of Drake’s and a business partner of Imagined Interprises so we went out to dinner together. He told us stories of his childhood and his crazy cousin. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity and most people would probably agree I didn’t belong there.

So here I am, in the middle of an amazing world that had been right under my nose for years, trying to earn my fantasy nerd stripes. It’s a little confusing at times, like trying to differentiate between orcs and ogres, but it’s a good experience nonetheless. So if you’re a fantasy buff and see me out at a con, please take it easy on me…

…or I’ll Force Choke you.