Vatican City - Torture device especially designed to torture Adventists will be unveiled Monday, according to sources inside the Vatican.

“It is widely known,” says Pope Francis, “that the Catholic Church exists for one purpose, and one purpose only: to one day locate, torture, and eventually eradicate every single Seventh-day Adventist.” The Pope, sitting on his golden throne, holding his golden scepter, drinks slowly from his chalice filled with blood from beautiful Adventist babies.

“I must say,” adds Francis, “that having our secret meetings, away from Adventists’ eyes, has been getting more and more difficult over the years. I have been told by my trusty ‘Adventist’ spies (who look, act, and smell just like a normal Adventist humans) that these pesky Adventists have been catching on to our master plan.”

Countless of pastors have slowly, but diligently, been exposing the Catholic lies to their congregation of dozens and dozens of people. Several heroic Adventists, with no knowledge whatsoever of Catholic history, are spreading the truth about the Vatican’s plans to eventually eradicate every Adventist.

Francis plans to unveil his torture device where the Catholic Church sees most fitting for the occasion. “Ellen G. White’s grave site, of course. It’s the perfect place!” It is estimated that thousands of Catholics will be attending this ceremony in Battle Creek, where Adventist co-founder Ellen G. White is buried.





