Awake, MLS sleepers, and rise from the dead of winter. January is almost over. And you know what that means? That’s right, the pinnacle of the sport: MLS preseason soccer. And you know what that means?



One Weird Thing is back, baby.



With the new year comes brand new teams to chronicle in all of their bizarre, existential endeavors, both on and off the field. And what’s more important for an MLS expansion franchise than a coach, a new stadium, a vibrant supporters culture or a robust set of sponsors? Celebrities. All the celebrities you can possibly cram into your social media feed.



Which makes it all the more strange that Inter Miami couldn’t lock down the throbbing, vodka-Red Bull heart of Miami celebrities: FRIGGIN’ PITBULL — MR. LOWER LEAGUE WORLDWIDE.



Wringing out celebrity endorsements for your MLS club is an inexact science. LAFC has made waves by getting absolutely any and every celebrity they can into the...