This Patriots-Falcons Super Bowl might end up being the most painful experience of Roger Goodell’s life. Going to Houston to watch the Patriots play after the whole Deflategate disaster is going to be worse for the commissioner than getting dry sockets after your wisdom teeth are yanked. In fact, Goodell, you might not want to check your Twitter mentions for a while — and by a while I mean, oh, maybe, EVER AGAIN — because trust me: I speak from experience when I say hell hath no fury like a Patriots fan scorned.

Given that Goodell didn’t seem super jazzed about the idea of going to Foxborough for the AFC Championship game — and by “not super jazzed” I mean “super didn’t show up” — and went to Atlanta instead, he’s probably dreading the trip to Texas. I have therefore come up with a few excuses the Commish can use to excuse himself: