This is a true story. I hope I capture it as well as it really happened. So, it was Saturday night. I was drinking. I was depressed. A girl I had been seeing, that I thought I loved, had broken up with me earlier in the day. I was laying on my living room floor, watching the new cable that I just had installed, switching through channel after channel. I was already in a state of anger, frustration and depression, and what I was watching was making everything so much worse. It was 1,000 channels with only 50 of them showing anything, the other 950 channels were all blank, with the same words, “If you would like to subscribe to this channel you can call Cox Communications.” Finally after flipping through 700 channels with nothing viewable on them except this insanely annoying advertisement, I was done, I had enough. This had pushed me over the edge, so I called the cable company to complain.

After finally being able to talk to someone, I could tell right away I was talking to someone in another country and the language barrier was going to turn this into a one hour phone call minimum. I kept explaining the problem as simple as I could. I told him I didn’t want to see 950 advertisements every time I watched television, I just wanted to view my 50 channels. He kept asking me if I wanted to subscribe and order one of the 950 channels. This went on for what seemed like forever until he finally understood what I was saying and said, “Mr. Paul Horner. You have nothing to worry about. I understand what your problem is now and will submit a ticket for it. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Feeling lonely and bored, and interested in what this man was saying, I asked him what movies he had seen lately.

“We are not allowed to watch movies.”

Laughing, I asked him, “What?!! Are you in North Korea or something?”

Whispering…. “I cannot tell you where I am located.”

He had me intrigued. “So, have you ever seen a movie? What was the last movie you have seen?”

“My friend and I were able to get a copy of Interstellar, it was so amazing. We watched it at least 15 times.”

Interstellar

We talked for a while about that movie; I agreed with him that it was a good movie. I mentioned some other similar movies for him to see if he had the chance such as Contact and Stargate. He told me he would do his best to get copies of those movies so he could view them.

Already knowing the answer, since this man had only seen about 20 movies or less in his lifetime, I asked him if he had ever seen the movie Pulp Fiction.

“No, what is it about, please tell me more.”

Pulp Fiction being one of my all-time favorite movies, and one that I have memorized word for word, I asked him if he would like for me to explain to him the movie from beginning to end. The joy I heard in his voice almost brought a tear to my eye, he said, “Yes, I would like that very much.”

I opened another beer, turned to a channel that was just music with no words, and began.

Pulp Fiction diner seen paul horner

“Ok, so it starts in a diner. A man and a woman are talking about how robbing liquor stores have become too risky. The man’s name is Ringo and he says, ‘No, forget it, it’s too risky. I’m through doin’ that sh*t.’”

The customer service representative from the Cable company had not said a word, he was listening to me like I knew this great secret and he wanted to know it also.

When I was telling him the movie, I was also doing the best impressions of female or African American characters as I could. I remember getting real loud saying, so Ringo says, “All right, everybody be cool, this is a robbery!” Then the female, named Yolanda, pulls out a gun and says, “Any of you f*ckin’ pr*cks move and I’ll execute every one of you motherf*ckers!”

That is when I told him the opening credits rolled.

He was so quite and listening in such deep suspense, and I continued telling the story of Pulp Fiction.

So after Jules flips a table, Brett is trying to answer the question, but does not understand, so he says, “Wha-what?”

Jules yells at Brett, “What” ain’t no country I ever heard of! They speak English in “What”?

Brett responds once again by saying, “What?”

I told the customer service representative, “This is when Jules yells, ‘English, motherfucker! Do you speak it!?’”

Jules Brett Pulp Fiction

This is when I heard the man on the other end of the phone make a noise, like he was gasping for air.

I said, “You alright there buddy?”

“Yes, I’m very good, this is an excellent story, please do not mind me, please continue.”

I remember going through parts of the movie, probably skipping over a few lines of dialogue, but doing my best to explain what was happening.

“Okay bro, so, Butch could have just left the pawn shop. Marsellus would have been killed and he would have gotten away without any problems. But he had a conscious. As much as Marsellus was his nemesis, and just minutes before that Butch was ready to blow his head off, he knew that he could not live the rest of his life knowing that he let this man be raped to death. So instead of leaving, he finds a weapon to fight with.”

The Cox rep says, “Butch had much honor.”

I agreed.

“So, it’s a pawn shop so there is everything, but his eyes land on a Japanese sword. He looks at it like how a little kid looks at candy.” I continued, “He takes the sword back down to the basement, kills Maynard with two movements from the sword. One being a slash to the front of his chest and then the other looking at Zed and moving the sword back killing Maynard. Then he eggs on Zed to pick up his gun, ‘You want that gun don’t you Zed?’, but that’s when we hear, ‘Step aside Butch’, and Marsellus takes a shot gun and shoots Zed right in his dick.”

I heard the customer representative laugh.

I laugh too and then I continue.

Butch asks Marsellus, “You okay?” and Marsellus responds by saying, “Naw man. I’m pretty f*ckin’ far from okay.”

Butch asks Marsellus, “What now?”

Marsellus Wallace

Marsellus responds by saying, “What now? Let me tell you what now. I’ma call a coupla hard, pipe-hittin’ n*ggers, who’ll go to work on the homes here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. You hear me talkin’, hillbilly boy? I ain’t through with you by a damn sight. I’ma get medieval on your a*s.”

But that is not what Butch meant, he was wanting to know what is the situation now between him and Marsellus. Butch says, “I meant what now between me and you?”

Marsellus, knowing that Butch could have just left him there to die being raped to death, but instead came back to save him, lowers his shot gun and says, “Oh, that what now. I tell you what now between me and you. There is no me and you. Not no more.”

Butch asks Marsellus, “So we cool?” and Marsellus responds, “Yeah, we cool. Two things. Don’t tell nobody about this. This shit is between me, you, and Mr. Soon-To-Be-Living-The-Rest-of-His-Short-*ss-Life-In-Agonizing-Pain Rapist here. It ain’t nobody else’s business. Two: you leave town tonight, right now. And when you’re gone, you stay gone, or you be gone. You lost all your L.A. privileges. Deal?” To which Butch says, “Deal.” and then Marsellus finishes the scene by saying, “Get your ass out of here.”

I tell the customer service representative how Butch gets back to the hotel, and he has to deal with his extremely fragile girlfriend named Fabienne. She asks Butch, “Whose motorcycle is this?” Butch says, “It’s a chopper, baby.” Fabienne asks, “Whose chopper is this?” Butch responds by saying, “It’s Zed’s.” Fabienne doesn’t know who Zed is so she simply asks, “Who’s Zed?” Butch calmly says, “Zed’s dead, baby. Zed’s dead.”

I continued with the story. Going through each part with as much detail as I could remember.

I finally got to the diner scene at the end.

The customer service representative laughed when I told him the name of the wallet and Jules saying, “It’s the one that says Bad Motherf*cker on it.”

After Ringo and Yolanda leave, I told the customer service representative, that’s when Vice tells Jules, “I think we oughta leave now.” Jules agrees responding with, “That’s probably a good idea.”

I said, “So that is when they leave, still super tough, no one saying anything or looking directly at them. They leave the diner and the movie ends.”

I hear the customer service representative laugh with joy.

paul horner Pulp Fiction

“I love it,” he says, “That is the greatest story I have ever heard!”

I said, “Thanks bro, I’m glad you enjoyed it. I gotta go now, my voice is kind of sore. I hope you have a great evening wherever you are… which is North Korea, I know it! You’re in North Korea! Tell me! It’s North Korea! Tell me you’re in North Korea! You’re in North Korea!”

Ignoring my accusations of his whereabouts he says, “Thank you sir, thank you so much for this. I will tell everyone I know of the great story teller Paul Horner and the amazing movie of Pulp Fiction and the problem with your cable should be fixed in two days.”