The Mets need a starting pitcher to replace Zack Wheeler. At most, Rick Porcello is a band-aid and a costly one at that…sounds all too familiar.

The Mets are reportedly all-in on free-agent Rick Porcello as a replacement for Zack Wheeler, who is off to the rival Phillies, induced by a five-year $111 million guaranteed contract.

Rick Porcello is a serviceable major league pitcher, who came out of nowhere to win the Cy Young in 2016 when he was with the Boston Red Sox (22-4, 3.15 ERA).

Porcello has never come near those numbers again. His ERA over the last three seasons was 4.65, 4.28, and 5.52 last season when he went 14-12 over thirty-two starts.

Everything you don’t want to know about Rick Porcello

Here, however, are a few things about Rick Porcello you don’t want to know – and Brodie Van Wagenen must know before the Mets give away $11 million or so dollars…

Porcello was dead last in Earned Run Average for all starting pitchers in the major league. Porcello surrendered the third-most runs in the league (114) Only ten pitchers in the league gave up more home runs than his 31. Two years ago, Porcello led the league, giving up 38 bombs. Forty-five pitchers had more Quality Starts (six innings or more giving up three or fewer runs) than his 13.

Rick Porcello is a pedestrian major league hurler who only wins when his team scores a ton of runs. In 2019, Porcello was 1-4 when the Red Sox scored two or fewer runs, and 1-6 when they scored between 3-5 runs.

But he was Cy Young (12-2) when his team scored six or more runs, which by the way, is the norm for the Boston team that’s been in top three of runs scored by teams the last four years.

The Mets – no we have to stop saying the Mets – this is Brodie Van Wagenen calling the shots, and if pushes the Mets to go through with this, he should be stripped to his boxers, hauled out to second base on a frigid January night, and covered with tar and feathers.

Someone has to throw the ball in games for the Mets. If that’s all they want, then Porcello is their guy, just like Jason Vargas was their guy for a while.

Porcello is durable; averaging thirty-three starts in each of the last four years. He’s bulletproof health-wise, and he’ll give you between 175-200 innings without breaking a sweat.

Mets: Where do we see any imagination?

If that’s all Van Wagenen wants, or what’s worse if that type of pitcher is all he thinks the Mets need, I can ring off ten names without thinking. But that’s not my job, nor is it any Mets fan’s job.

Once again, the Mets are not in the running for The Guy starting pitcher. Gerrit Cole will sign elsewhere, but we can live with that – at least until some of the purse strings begin to loosen up from an influx of cash from the pockets of Steve Cohen.

And hopefully, Brodie Van Wagenen is already under the watchful eyes of Cohen as though he is back to square one working with a blank slate.

Van Wagenen stands by as the Braves are off and running

Speaking about a slate, the Atlanta Braves look like they are going to erase the slate of relief pitchers, even before the Mets get off the ground. No, I didn’t forget about the Mets signing of Brad Brach, but that one goes in the category “sign the cheap ones” ($850,000).

But we’re talking the Braves having a combined $27 million committed next season to relievers Mark Melancon and Will Smith. Should we say not to worry because the Mets have $11 million invested in Jeurys Familia with another year left to come? Oh dear…

Rick Porcello sought an extension last year and was turned down by the Red Sox. This should be meaningful when you consider Boston’s starting rotation is all but falling apart.

Valid questions asking if Chris Sale and David Price will ever be the same, even as they continue to gobble up valuable payroll, and the Sox contemplate their wayward signing of Nathan Eovaldi in the rear-view mirror.

The Mets have been there and done that. Supposedly, this is a new day for the organization. But more and more, it’s looking like more of the same mediocrity and lack of imagination for the Mets this offseason.

If Rick Porcello reaches the acme of Brodie Van Wagenen’s imagination, then we’re still in trouble…

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