President-elect Donald Trump did a great job of motivating the disgruntled. Credit:Charles Krupa No matter that Hillary Clinton got 25.6 per cent of eligible voters against 25.5 per cent who voted for Trump. Such are the vagaries of their electoral college that for the second time in 16 years, the person who got more votes doesn't become president. In Australia, we are not entirely protected from the phenomenon of pissed-off-ed-ness electing nongs – Pauline Hanson and Clive Palmer being obvious examples where political mavericks, with zero policy substance, arise – but at least with our compulsory voting we are unlikely to have a Trump-like figure with real power. Let us 'cut the tag' In the meantime, the Australian figure who has talked most sense in the wake of Trump heading to the Oval Office is Paul Keating. Speaking to Leigh Sales on 7.30, he noted: "We've got to this almost sort of crazy position now where the American alliance, instead of simply being a treaty where the United States is obliged to consult with us in the event of adverse strategic circumstances, it has now taken on a reverential, sacramental quality."

He did not want us to entirely break with the American alliance, but insisted: "What we have to do is make our way in Asia ourselves with an independent foreign policy ... Isn't an independent balanced foreign policy the answer? Or do we stay in a crouch saying hail Mary's to the alliance? The foreign policy of Australia is basically we have tag-along rights to the US, and ... certainly since I left public office ... in years since, we've had more or less a tag-along foreign policy. It's time to cut the tag." It would amaze if Trump as president was as wild in matters of foreign policy as Trump the candidate, but, surely, there has never been a better time to start to forge our own path, to assert our independence, to be more than tag-alongs? Yes, he was our man Vale, Leonard Cohen, the great Canadian singer-songer-writer who died on Friday at the age of 82, no doubt unsure if he wanted to live in a world that could elect Donald Trump as president. Calling him the "Canadian Dylan" or noting that he played "music to slit your wrists by" in no way did justice to his genius. My favourite memory is seeing him at the Hunter Valley's Bimbadgen Estate in late January 2008. It was his first appearance in Australia in 24 years and for well over two hours he blew the crowd away.

Three songs in when he got to Tower of Song, and sang the famous lines, "I was born like this, I had no choice, I was born with the gift of a golden voice", the crowd exploded with joy, and he lifted his hat in acknowledgement of our roars. You were born with that gift, Leonard, and much, more more. Vale, great man. Joke of the week My son's friend had just hauled up a blue mud crab from one of the canals at Runaway Bay when he was approached by fishery inspectors. The conversation went something like this. "You're copped, pal. That is a female crab and it is a protected species. There is a hefty fine for catching one of those."

"But I haven't caught it. I have simply retrieved it." "What do you mean, you've retrieved it?" "Well, this crab is my pet and every now and again I bring it down to the canal for a swim." "Oh yeah?" "Yes, I let it go, it swims around for a bit and then comes back to me and I take it home. Look, I will show you."

And with that, the guy picks up the crab, gently places it into the water, says a few words of encouragement and issues the crab an instruction to only take a short swim and hurry back. The officers watch, bewildered. "When will it come back?" one asks presently. "When will what come back?" the bloke responds. Twitter: Peter_Fitz They said it

"Germany and America are connected by values of democracy, freedom, and respect for the law and the dignity of man, independent of origin, skin colour, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or political views. I offer the next president of the United States close cooperation on the basis of these values. The partnership with the United States is and remains a foundation of German foreign policy." German Chancellor Angela Merkel sends carefully nuanced congratulations to President-elect Donald Trump. "The issues swirling in our multicultural nation are for me public and passionate, but for me they are not personal. The truth is I didn't act as I should have because I am not Muslim, Chinese, Afghan or Greek looking. Not Italian, Sri Lankan or Sudanese. Not Aboriginal." Veteran Liberal Russell Broadbent confesses he "failed" to repudiate Coalition MP George Christensen over anti-Islam remarks. "Nicole Kidman is here tonight. Nicole, you are a true triple threat. You are incredibly talented, breathtakingly beautiful and you've got all the dirt on Scientology. Get some drinks in her, let it all out."

James Corden at the Hollywood Film Awards "Pain has never killed anyone, by the way, but this has got out of control." Alan Jones about the back problems that have taken him off radio for the time being. "I thought, 'Jesus, this isn't good'." John Brierley about what he thought when he surfaced three metres from his dinghy and realised he was being taken away from it by the current. He was 17 hours in the water before being found by a rescue helicopter.

"I want to cry but I just have to man up." Deng Adut, former child soldier and Sudanese refugee, now a Sydney lawyer, about being named NSW Australian of the Year this week. "This is the most single devastating political event in American history since the American Civil War 151 years ago." Walter Shapiro, American political columnist, facing a Trump victory.