Summary:

Everyone sits around and talks mostly about how they’re about to die. I thought I got the gist of the story, in the last episode, but nope. Episode 2 brought in two dozen new characters and I think my perception of the story is going in a wildly different direction than the actual story. Send help!



If you haven’t read my Introduction to this recap, please do so before proceeding. Episode 1 is also available for your perusal.



*SPOILERS AHEAD*



Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.

Full Recap:

Remember that mysterious stranger who came galloping in, in the last 60 seconds of the previous episode? We open with Dennarris giving the poor man a guilt-trip. “When I was a child, my brother would tell me a bedtime story: about the man who murdered our father, who stabbed him in the back and cut his throat…” First off, what the hell kind of a bedtime story is that? Clearly, this woman is working through this trauma and covering it up with gleeful dragon rides. She also points out the obvious, “I don’t see an army. I see one man with one hand…” Dennarris mocks people with disabilities, got it. The newcomer (who seems pretty earnest and well-rounded to me) confesses that his sister, along with Urine Greyjoy(?), screwed everyone over. And the new guy is Peter Dinklage’s brother? Dennarris expresses her doubts and now mocks Peter Dinklage, “Perhaps he trusts his little brother to defend him.” Now, that’s just fucking rude. Santa shares her opinion that he can’t be trusted.



Then, this kid in the wheelchair…I swear…he says one thing, the entire room slowly turns to look at him, he stares blankly at the sky, the conversation resumes. What we didn’t see is Santa giving him a cookie and patting him on the head. I think the sole purpose of Wispy Wheelchair is to make people feel uncomfortable. More people vouch for the new guy, whose name is Jamie, including John Snow. Eventually, Dennarris accepts Jamie as one of them, and the sole black guy in Winterfell gives him a sword.

You again!

Dennarris is pissed. She doesn’t like the game Peter Dinklage is playing and she doesn’t like the fact that Cercy sits on the throne. John Snow’s sister continues to flirt with the weapons-maker. She’s curious about the enemy, whom he has fought, but his sexist mansplaining is smashed to pieces when she throws three knives LIKE A BOSS! Get back to work, you tertiary character.



At the edge of town, Wispy got his wheelchair stuck in the snow and has been staring at a cherry blossom for four hours. Jamie finds him and apologizes for pushing him out a window. “I’d still be Brandon Stark. I’m something else, now…” Yeah, you’re Wispy…the traumatized town seer who can see the future. Back at Winterfell, Jamie and Peter Dinklage reunite and talk the latest goss on Dennarris. Apparently, she’s viewed as manipulative but consistent. Peter doesn’t believe he’ll survive this battle and laments that he always thought he’d die at age 80 with a girl’s mouth around his pet chicken. Jamie is bored and confused by this, so he literally walks away while Peter is still talking. He visits the tall woman, Lady Breann, who vouched for him at his arrival, as she trains two really shitty swordsmen. (Yeah, methinks Winterfell will lose if these are their average fighters.) Lady Breann gets Jamie to confess that he’d like to serve under her and he’s not there to make fun of her or cause any trouble. But, like Jamie did to Peter Dinkage, she literally walks away mid-conversation. Jamie is sad, but seems to understand the lesson.



Dennarris gets one-on-one time with Santa. She’s proud of her decision to hire Tearyan as her Hand, she affirms that no one trusts Cercy, and she’s madly in love with John Snow. The two women make amends with each other because they seem to have a common enemy and they both care about John very much. Santa’s like, “If we win, what about us? What will happen to the North?” Dennarris is like, “Umm…I think my Uber just arrived. Gotta go, bye!”



They’re both shocked at the arrival of that guy who freed that lady on the ship (see last episode). He swears his allegiance to Santa. (Although, didn’t he tell the lady on the ship that she was his Queen? Are we dealing with a double agent?) In the town, we see a scene that could be described as “At the End of the Day” from Les Miserables, just without the singing. A group of Scottish bikers are welcomed by John Snow. Sadly, many of their people switched sides and joined the Night King. Everyone convenes to play what looks like a large game of Risk. Jamie reveals a major concern that the Night King will never “expose himself”, which I perceive is a metaphor for the dangers of sexual predators. Wispy says, “He’ll come for me. He has before,” probably because Wispy looks 12 and is often left unsupervised. He even shows everyone the scratch-marks the Night King left at their last playground encounter. He wants to use himself as bait, then everyone can attack. Everybody feels guilty and uneasy about letting the one handicapped kid in town sacrifice himself, so the Scottish guy says, “We’re all going to die.” Yep, sounds like it. Good thing you have that dragon glass and valerium steel, right?

Everybody is gearing for battle. People are manning their stations. We get a lovely conversation between John Snow, Sam, and some other guy. Why do I get the feeling that they’re the Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli of this series? Also, did Jamie just brag about once sleeping with his sister? Can I have Peter Dinklage as my bartender? And the Scottish guy once killed a giant and slept with his wife who mistook him for a baby? I tell you what, the end of times is bringing out the best in everyone. Even John Snow’s sister finally gets her spear from the weapons-maker, literally and figuratively.

As the warriors sit around and get drunk, they are extraordinarily gracious in giving viewers like me an exposition dump:

-Sir Davels Seaworth- Not a fighter, but survived two battles.

-Sir Jamie Lanister- A hero and a loser, depending on who’s telling the story.

-Sir (or Lady) Breann of Tarth- BAMF that has everyone’s respect.

They perform an unofficial knighting ceremony for Breann. I’m sure this moment holds a lot of weight for fans of this character. It’s a shame all of these people were drunk off their asses and won’t remember doing this when they wake up tomorrow.



The next segment is a musical montage! Peter Dinklage goes around the circle asking if anyone knows any songs. Everyone declines until this random soldier starts singing with an unusual vibrato, leading Peter to instantly regret bringing it up. Let’s just say this final montage could be split into two views:

1.) The extras and background characters working their asses off, getting ready for battle, and hoping to survive the night.

2.) The main characters spooning, drinking, and making out because they don’t give a shit.

John Snow confesses to Dennarris that his real name is Edgun Targaryen. She surmises that he is the last male heir of House Targaryen which means he could be the one to claim the Iron Throne. Dennarris is shook. A horn sounds and everyone gets in position, ready for battle. On the border, a group of old men on malnourished horses prepare to charge at Winterfell. Judging by appearances, it’ll take them the entirety of Episode 3 to get to town, so our characters are safe for another 60 minutes. Phew!

BLACKOUT!

Observations:

-Is nobody going to mention or mourn the kid that was nailed to the wall, in the last episode? Wasn’t that within Winterfell? I thought that was implying that the Night King “left his mark”. Would people be freaking out if they knew he was already there?

-Are there therapists in Winterfell? (Looking at you, Dennarris.)

-A lot of these characters stare blankly at inanimate objects. I think it’s their way of getting attention and hoping someone will ask them what’s on their minds, yeah?

-Dennarris is having a tough time getting people to like her. Maybe if she didn’t showboat her dragons and fly over them, while they’re working their asses off to save the kingdom AND her crown, they’d be more welcoming to her arrival.

-Is Peter Dinklage the only one who’s ever given any attention to Wispy?

-Does Peter Dinklage’s character have a name?

-John Snow’s sister didn’t want to die a virgin, but she didn’t know how to ask that guy to have sex with her. So, she jokingly asks him to make her a weapon AND HE DOES. The poor guy brings her a spear and she’s like, “What that? OH YEAH! Forget weapons, TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS!!” DO YOU HEAR THE HORNY PEOPLE SING?!

-How do Houses work? If John Snow is really a Targaryen, does that mean he’s related to Dennarris? If so, gross.

-I truly don’t know who will win this war. On one side, you have a town with very low self-esteem that’s half drunk. On the outskirts, you have the Senior Citizen’s Brigade.

-Where are Dennarris’s dragons? Again, I’m waiting for unicorns.

Final Thoughts:

This was a slow episode, but I understand it’s to build relationships and get all our characters in the same location. I’m sure the anticipation was thrilling to GOT fans. Based on their interactions in this episode, do any of these characters see each other past their first encounters? With eight seasons of this show, you’d think they’d have these conversations before 5 episodes prior to this show ending. I don’t know when Jamie pushed Wispy out that window, but they acted like it was 6 seasons ago. WHAT HAS BEEN HAPPENING IN THE TIME BETWEEN?!?! Looks like we’re headed into battle, next week!!

You cannot tell me that Winterfell isn’t that town from Les Mis! Look what you made me do!