Just so we're clear, holding back mail for the purpose of vengeance isn't something we do all that often. It's an extreme response, because the consequences can be pretty dire. One Kentucky postal worker got six months in straight-up prison for "destroying, hiding, and delaying" mail so he could pick his kids up from school on time. Of course, he held back something like 45,000 letters and packages before anyone noticed. So, yeah, you can get away with it for a while.

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"Your grandma's ashes? I think those were in one of the orange bags."

If you've got some sort of powerful hankering to be a dick to your mail carrier, make sure you pay extra to get a tracking number on your mail. No matter how angry we are, we can't hold those back. And certifying your mail also helps for those circumstances when mail legitimately gets mixed up and lost.

Oh, and if you want to keep your mail carrier happy, leave a tip. Not every day, obviously, but at least throw us a few bones (or a bottle of nice booze) around the holidays. And if you're saying, "But nobody does that!" you're wrong -- tips/gifts are a significant chunk of my annual income. Around the end of the year I can make around $2,000 in a two- to three-week period.