It’s tough in the dating world (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Fact: dating is a minefield.

And the following isn’t meant to be about all about the poor men and a plea for someone to start playing the world’s smallest violin; it’s merely some real-life observations, nothing more.

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While this is my perspective of the heterosexual male dater, I’m sure a lot of it can apply to all genders and sexual persuasions.

In truth, women do have it much harder when it comes to the great dating game. After all, men aren’t the ones harassed or bombarded with sexually explicit photos that constitute as an ice-breaker on Tinder.




Blokes may be the bane of many a woman’s existence but sometimes it ain’t easy for us either. (OK, get out the violin after all.)

Size matters

No, this isn’t in any way related to your junk, so get that filth out of your head.

I am in fact referring to the dating pool – the sheer number of people out there in the same position as you, especially if you’re in a big city, can be immensely daunting. Competition can be fierce.

Take London; the nation’s biggest, busiest, and probably loneliest city when it comes to dating.

There are so many people out there looking for love (or lust or whatever else), it’s easy to get overlooked and fly under some sort of blanket f***boy radar. As a dude, it’s hard to stand out.

No thanks…

It seems there’s a huge imbalance on dating sites and it goes a little something like this: Women can get hundreds of messages each day whereas men are lucky to get a couple a week.

Nor are we inundated with advances for dates, hook-ups, telephone numbers, or even gifted so much as a ‘hi’. That’s just how it is.

It appears men are the approachers and women are left to sift through the ungodly numbers of mostly uncouth messages that bestow their inboxes.

And as a result, women have more choice and an overwhelming amount of choice at that.

If there’s something they don’t like about you, they know there’s a dozen other guys waiting to take them out on a date.

There’s just not the same options and choice going for fellas.

Plenty of idiots

This whole issue of standing out is actually something worth mentioning because there are a lot of moronic men out there. There, I said it.

Whether it’s the ones who can’t string together a few words to hold a simple conversation or the ones that go straight in with a dick pic, sexist or even racist ice breaker, the effect is the same – it somehow tars you into the category that all blokes on dating sites are socially inept bigots or sex pests with no discernible merits.



And for many this is true.

That is the problem – guys, most of you are awful.

When women are so used to idiot after cretin after player, it often becomes harder to tell the good eggs from the ones that have been sat in the fridge months past their use-by-date.

(Picture: Ella Byworth/Getty Images)

Ghosting

It’s frankly horrible but sadly happens to everyone at some point. Yet it kinda feels easier to ghost a guy for, well, no reason at all.

And it’s fine if you don’t click or feel ‘it’ with them and wish to explore other options. The qualm I have with this is the frivolous nature of how it happens.

Over the years, I’ve heard of guys dating someone and then ghosting them and how horrible it is. Yet when women do it, it’s just something a guy has to deal with and not make a big deal over, even though it’s equally as mean, right?

Granted, men can be the worst and do this ruthlessly. The difference being that men are rightly vilified for doing it, but when it’s done to men, they have to ‘man up’, which, incidentally, is a term I really hate.

It takes five seconds to send a text along the lines of, ‘Not feeling a spark, nice meeting you, bye’. Sure, women don’t owe men anything but for both sides, no matter who’s doing the ghosting, it’d just be nice if we were all a bit more civil.


Unless they’ve been a complete dick, in which case ghost the f*** outta them.

Check, please

Another thing that feels all too common is the notion of a man paying for dates, especially first ones.

It’s outdated and if there’s anyone out there still under the illusion that a man should be funding their date as well as their own night out, it’s time to wake up and smell 2017.

Offering to split bills is fine and, if you’re really into the person, you may want to or insist on paying – just don’t expect it.

Women are quick to voice what turns them on and off in a fella; well this is one of ours.

Keep it simple, keep it equal and don’t take advantage. Taking turns buying rounds isn’t exactly rocket science.

(Picture: Liberty Antonia Sadler for Metro.co.uk)

Keep regular

If you become accustomed to dating and do it often – one of my friends tries to go on one a week during peak ‘dating season’ (but many of you may do so less frequently) – no matter whether you’ve embarked on three or 300, you’ll likely have a predetermined selection of date venues.

This may be as simple as knowing a good pub that’s not too overcrowded or loud, or has affordable drinks and nice ambience, but it might also be a place you know can set the mood and allows you both to connect and feel at ease quicker.

It’s also ideal to know where you’re going so it takes some of the stress out of those awkward and nerve-inducing first few dates – unless you’re a spontaneous sort of fellow, in which case good bloody luck.


Spoiled for choice

Yet on the other hand, if you decided to do something different or, God forbid, mildly adventurous, you could be left drowning in possibilities.

In London, for example, there are 1,001 things you could do; ranging from simple drinks, to rock climbing, crazy golf, food markets, the London Eye, and the museums. Overwhelming, right?

And if your date is of the ‘I don’t mind what we do’ variety, you can often be left to make all the decisions. Obviously if the date’s a disaster then it’s totally, 100% your fault anyway.

So many options (Picture: Getty)

Pick-up no-nos

Don’t ever expect to just meet someone on the street or in the pub. That does not happen. Unless you’re starring in a Richard Curtis rom com.

Some people will tell you women like being chatted up on the street or at a bus stop. These people are wrong.

Trying to score with women anywhere other than clearly designated and appropriate venues like bars, clubs, and singles nights will get you into bother.

Pester women on the street or on public transport and you’ll be guilty of sexual harassment. So don’t be an idiot and keep things civil and location-appropriate.

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