One of the great things about being ignorant is that I often think my ideas are original. It’s a wonderful feeling. That’s why I try to avoid any knowledge that would spoil the sensation. Sometimes it isn’t easy. People keep hurling knowledge at me, and I can’t always duck.

For example, people often accuse me of ripping off the great philosopher Spinoza when I write about the universe being God, or when I say people obviously have no free will. I act like I know what they are talking about and quickly change the subject. In reality, I didn’t know Spinoza from Shinola.

Einstein has famously said he believes in Spinoza’s version of God. I always wondered why he invoked Spinoza. It was time to find out about this Spinoza dude. I’m far too lazy to read an entire book, so I went to Wikipedia and read what strangers with no credibility had to say about him.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baruch_Spinoza

Holy cow! My opinions match Spinoza’s perfectly. It turns out that being ignorant is almost exactly like being a well-read student of philosophy who can quote from the work of the masters. How lucky is that?

Now I know why Einstein invoked Spinoza when talking about his beliefs. Einstein discovered more than the theory of relativity. He also found a way to act like he believed in God, so all the God-lovers would accept him as their own, while simultaneously saying God is nothing more than semantics, so atheists would embrace him too. And he blamed it all on a dead guy, Spinoza. How many ways does Einstein need to keep proving he’s a genius? I mean seriously, this is just showing off.

I have decided to adopt Einstein’s weasel-genius view of God so everyone thinks I’m on their side. That could come in handy when I run for President. For the record, I believe in Spinoza’s God. Less than one percent of Americans will know what that means. The other 99% will think I believe God is a bearded guy who hands out harps in the afterlife. They will love me for being on their side.

I think Spinoza would be proud to know that his life’s work boiled down to creating a God for weasels.