(I have just ticked over the twelve-month mark as a store manager for a nationwide video game retailer. My predecessor was quite spineless and let customers walk all over our staff, including encouraging them to break policy for refunds and the like. To help rebuild staff morale, I have given every full-time staff member one “f*** off” a year. If a customer is being difficult or belligerent, the staff member can tell the customer to f*** off and ban them from the store. I will back my team all the way to corporate if they use this, because I know they have the store’s best interest at heart. I am the first one to use this, in the last month. A man approaches my register with a new release game, marked at full price.)

Customer: “I want to do a deal with you guys. [Competitor #1] across the mall have this game for $79.” *$20 cheaper than us* “But, if you promise to sell it to me for $59, I’ll buy another two game from you that are worth $50. What do you say?”

Me: “I’m sorry, if you can find the game cheaper elsewhere then I recommend you go for it as I can’t reduce the price beyond a price match.”

Customer: “Okay, then. Okay, then. I know that [Competitor #2] is selling this game at $59. Will you beat that?”

Me: “No, because according to their website they’re selling the game at $85.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s one of those special ‘in-store only’ sales! It’s not online!”

Me: “Odd. When were you there?”

Customer: “About ten minutes ago.”

Me: “Hmm, well, I was there around half an hour ago on my break. I didn’t see that sticker. Either they did it in the last 20 minutes, or you misread the sign.”

Customer: “Listen. I am a very rich man and I shop here all the time. The owner of this store would be pissed if he knew what you were doing to me. I. Want. This. Game. For. $59. Got. It.?”

Me: “I will sell the game to you at $85 for a price match. No less.”

Customer: “I’m going to call your boss and see what he says.” *pulls out his phone*

Me: *picks up store phone before he has finished dialing* “You’re talking to the boss. F*** off.”

Customer: *shocked* “I… uh… What did you say to me?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, I didn’t recognise you. Can I have your loyalty card, please?”

(The customer hands over his card and I scan it.)

Me: “Okay, thanks for that, Mr. [Customer]. As manager of this store, I inform you that you are no longer welcome on-site for displaying threatening behaviour. Now, f*** off before I call security.”

(My staff stood there with jaws open as he turned and left the store. I updated his loyalty account with details of his banning. One of my team used his “f*** off” the next week on a group of teenagers who were trying to jimmy our shelving racks. We have one staff member with one left; he reckons he’s saving his for Christmas.)