Kansas City death metal band Torn The Fuck Apart had the police called on them on Friday, August 9, for one of the most heinous acts a touring band could possibly commit: sitting in their van in a Walmart parking lot.

It appears we have our first victims of the “metal is to blame for shootings” narrative following the revelation that the mass shooter in Dayton was a metalhead. The fact that some dildo decided the police needed to investigate four dudes in black bands shirts for simply being four dudes in black band shirts is bullshit, a very blatant case of profiling not by the police, but by whoever called them. While an incident in a Missouri Walmart saw a man decide to go shopping with a rifle and body armor, Torn The Fuck Apart had neither guns nor body armor nor were they even inside the store. Besides, let’s be real here: the only people that members of a touring band are likely to kill are each other.

Thankfully no harm ended up befalling the members of the band besides the inconvenience of being hassled. The band, finishing up their tour with Atoll and Mortal Torment at Chicago Domination Fest, were peacefully hanging out in their van in a Forest Park, IL Walmart when they were suddenly surrounded by police. Vocalist/guitarist Michael Langner recounted the incident to MetalSucks:

“In the morning we had stopped and parked in the back of the Walmart parking lot in forest park, IL to stretch out and grab a few things after a night off of tour and enjoying the Chicago Domination Fest. We had been there for about an hour as our drummer was inside the store getting a few things, and about 15 mins after he went in we heard radio dispatch from behind the van and noticed a cop car pull up behind us. Just as quickly we saw three more pull up and surround us. “After a few minutes of answering questions, the cop said that they were there because they had received multiple calls about a dark van with “suspicious characters ” in it. After all IDs were checked they knew that wasn’t the case. The cops were very professional and respectful to us after they realized we were no threat to anyone, and they even took pictures with us as though we were under arrest, and played along with us to tell our drummer we had warrants and were under arrest when he came back to the van. “We don’t blame the cops for doing their jobs; they handled it well. But it was upsetting that we had been profiled for the way a “metalhead” looks. This isn’t something we haven’t encountered before and life goes on. Now we get ready for our last show of the tour Saturday at the Chicago Domination Fest.”

Fortunately the situation de-escalated pretty quickly. Here’s the staged photo of Langner, who also plays guitar in Troglodyte, pretending to be arrested (while trying not to laugh):

Don’t worry though, folks. Walmart has removed all violent video game displays from their stores so our nation’s gun problem has definitively been solved.

You can follow Torn The Fuck Apart here. Check out their most recent release, A Genetic Predisposition To Violence, on all major streaming platforms and listen to the single “It Jammed the Woodchipper” below.