Daddy issues is a vague term for people, usually women, not having a good paternal role model. But as the phrase, “She’s got daddy issues” is thrown about so much, we want to think about what it really means.

It’s easy to say someone has daddy issues without thinking more about it. If you stop and think about why you say it to begin with, it can help you reflect on what you really mean.

Some people will say a woman has daddy issues if she dates an older man. Or if she goes through a string of negative relationships. But often using a label like this can end up being toxic. Rather than offer help or not making any comment on the situation, remarks like this can negatively impact the person it relates to.

But the question of what daddy issues really still remain vague. Whether it’s just a bad label for genuine issues or is a misnomer altogether is up for discussion.

Not having a father figure

It’s commonly thought that not having a father figure can cause someone to have daddy issues in their adult life. This isn’t specific to men or women although usually is portrayed as affecting women more than men. When a child is growing up, it’s healthy for them to have a good male role model such as their father around.

But if somebody grows up without a good father or without one altogether, issues of abandonment can arise. This is where daddy issues is commonly used to describe a woman who doesn’t trust men easily. Or who seeks a man to look after her like a ‘daddy’ would.

It is often applied to a woman dating an older man too. On the basis that by seeing somebody who is older, she’s almost looking for a father-figure in that relationship. Whether this is because she feels safer with someone older, wants more stability or simply is attracted to an older man is really down to the individual.

Abuse survivors

On the same wavelength as women who haven’t had a father figure, are those who have been abused. The majority of abuse cases are committed by someone who is known to the victim. When women are younger it’s not surprising that it can often be their father or a male relative who abused them.

If a woman has been abused by her father or a close male figure, she might show some of the symptoms thought of as being daddy issues. This is rather unkind and doesn’t show much compassion for what she has gone through.

It’s usually more complicated than just a distrust of men. It can be a psychological father complex. Women might actively seek a man to replace the negative father figure they knew or could avoid relationships altogether due to the negative associations.

Dating someone with daddy issues

There are things to consider if you date someone with daddy issues. Somebody who has PTSD due to childhood abuse or who struggles due to having a negative father figure shouldn’t be pitied. Kindness should be shown but unfortunately some men choose to take advantage of women who are in this situation.

Classic signs of ‘daddy issues’ per se might include some of the following:

Seeking an older man (to be a fatherly figure in a romantic setting) for stability, more mentoring and supportive relationships

Trouble trusting men as their father was unreliable or lied

Leaning towards lesbianism to avoid men altogether

Promiscuity (they don’t want to commit in case they are let down again)

Lack of self-confidence

Want to please their male partner (out of wanting to earn their father’s favour)

Not being able to believe someone would genuinely care for them without wanting something else

Fear of abandonment/rejection

Struggle to assert clear boundaries

Reject men to avoid being hurt again

Seeking the ‘bad boy’ or emotionally unavailable types as a defence mechanism or seeking out what is familiar

On a feminist level, I have to point out that regardless of whether women had a father around or if he was good or not, these daddy issue signs can still be present. Women with good father relationships might still have difficulty with trust, self-confidence or be promiscuous. It’s not exclusive to childhood/teen experiences.

As someone who has dated older men, I can also say that often who you choose to date is just a preference. I don’t want my partner to replace my dad or act in a paternal way towards me. But I do find older men sexy and totally subscribe to the DILF porn category. Not gonna lie.

How this might affect sex

Daddy issues can sometimes affect the sex life a woman chooses. Whether in a good or a bad way. Somebody who has had bad experiences might be more confident in asserting their boundaries. They could show strict control over what they will and won’t do.

Sometimes women who have had difficult with their fathers, may choose to explore DDLG roleplays. This might beat the trauma they’ve endured or could be symptomatic of their current state of mind.

When people have had very strict parents or overly religious parents they might also use sex as a way to rebel. Or could have conflicting feelings towards sex due to still wanting to please their parents.

In the same way as people might have daddy issues some men deliberately seek out maternal role models or prefer MILFs. Due to their childhood and adolescent experiences. Both genders might choose partners that are similar to their parents in good or bad ways.

Ultimately when it comes to any kind of issue, it’s best to discuss any concerns with your partner. You shouldn’t judge or take advantage of anyone showing daddy issues and instead can be supportive and kind. This helps both of you to beat any issue.