Per BuzzFeed, hundreds of Australian fans *allegedly* saw Justin Bieber morph into a giant reptile at the Perth Airport last week. One Australian outlet published an article about the startling *alleged* transformation and how “all hell broke loose” upon Justin’s *alleged* shape-shifting but quickly deleted it.



YourNewsWire.com reports this is not the first time a site has taken down an article describing the accidentally public *alleged!* shape-shifting of a celebrity (they themselves reported last June many had seen Queen Elizabeth transform into “reptilian form” on live TV.). But since other accounts of Justin’s *alleged* transformation remain live, let’s examine them together.

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The way NeonNettle.com tells it, Justin’s *alleged* morphing “traumatized” witnesses so badly it caused “mass panic. Some frantically took to social media while [others] vomited and scrambled into taxis to escape.” Unbelievable.

“Multiple accounts” claim Alizustin (that’s *alleged* Lizard Justin) had “greenish-brown claws” and “turd-colored scales.” Others say Alizustin took “full female reptilian form,” though who are they to assign a gender identity to a reptilian shape-shifter? It’s 2017, you all should know better than to judge a human-size lizard by his/her/their cover.

The now-deleted Perth Now piece detailed Alizustin’s appearance (god, really, though, guys, is this proof we are far too focused on looks or what??) further: “His head shrunk and his eyes went black with a black stripe down the middle. He grew a few feet taller and had gross [colored] scales all over his body,” the post read. In fact, Alizustin’s transformed appearance was so scary to some, one fan told the site she “won’t be going to any [Justin Bieber concerts] now, no way.” Wow.

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The day after the *ALLEGED* airport sighting, rumors of further shapeshifting persisted. A local skater told YourNewsWire.com Justin couldn’t control the constant, * ALLEGED * shifting, turning back and forth from human to lizard while he hung out with a bodyguard. The skater, who clearly has reading to do on the offensive and common stereotyping of Resting Gigantic Reptile Bitch Face, said Alizustin had “slitty little reptile eyes.”

Listen, I know *ALLEGED!!!!* celebrity shape-shifting can be scary. But is it really a reason to discriminate? Do human-lizard hybrids not also bleed some form of blood? Do they not too feel some form of feelings? Do they not cry themselves to sleep at night reading Facebook comments about how some trolls wish they’d die? I’m just saying. I’m just saying.

You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

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Tess Koman Senior Editor Tess Koman covers breaking (food) news, opinion pieces, and features on larger happenings in the food world.

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