The LDS Church released changes to its Hand­book on Novem­ber 5, 2015 in rela­tion to same-sex cou­ples and chil­dren raised by same-sex cou­ples. Specif­i­cal­ly, the Church now pro­hibits chil­dren of same-sex cou­ples from being bap­tized until they are 18 – and only if they move out of their par­ents’ homes, dis­avow all same-sex rela­tion­ships, and receive approval from the First Pres­i­den­cy. Like­wise, the new poli­cies apply to priest­hood ordi­na­tion and full-time mis­sion­ary ser­vice, and even pro­hib­it chil­dren of same-sex cou­ples from receiv­ing a Church-sanc­tioned “name and a bless­ing.

More­over, the Church specif­i­cal­ly des­ig­nates Mor­mons in same-sex mar­riages as apos­tates who must under­go dis­ci­pli­nary hear­ings that will like­ly result in excom­mu­ni­ca­tion.

In adopt­ing these poli­cies, the Church not only dou­bled down on its stance against homo­sex­u­al­i­ty but also hard­ened its doc­tri­nal bound­aries at a time when an increas­ing num­ber of Mor­mons are express­ing sup­port for the LGBT com­mu­ni­ty.

In adopt­ing these new poli­cies, the Church is like­ly try­ing to stave off future advo­ca­cy in that chil­dren of same-sex cou­ples will undoubt­ed­ly push for more inclu­sion and accep­tance of homo­sex­u­als as they grow into adult­hood. But instead this pol­i­cy appears to be tar­get­ing the most help­less, most sym­pa­thet­ic, and most inno­cent by exclud­ing chil­dren from “essen­tial ordi­nances” sole­ly on the basis of their par­ents’ actions. In short, these poli­cies appear to direct­ly con­flict with the sec­ond arti­cle of faith.

What is par­tic­u­lar­ly dumb­found­ing is the bogus jus­ti­fi­ca­tions prof­fered by both LDS lead­er­ship and many mem­bers in sup­port of the poli­cies. Con­sid­er the fol­low­ing:

Pro­tect­ing Fam­i­lies

Many mem­bers on social media claim that the new pol­i­cy pro­hibit­ing chil­dren of same-sex rela­tion­ships from being bap­tized has been insti­tut­ed to “pro­tect fam­i­lies.” This seem dubi­ous when the church does not rec­og­nize same-sex fam­i­lies as legit­i­mate fam­i­lies. Elder L. Tom Per­ry, dur­ing April 2015 Con­fer­ence, labeled same-sex mar­riages as “coun­ter­feit.” Regard­less, pre­vent­ing chil­dren from par­tic­i­pat­ing in Church ordi­nances when they are already attend­ing church with the approval of both par­ents serves to tell them they are sec­ond-class cit­i­zens. More­over, the fact that the pol­i­cy requires chil­dren to dis­avow their par­ents’ rela­tion­ship and move out of the house in order to get bap­tized indi­cates that the LDS church has no inter­est in pro­tect­ing non-tra­di­tion­al fam­i­lies.

Pre­vent­ing Fam­i­ly Ten­sion

Apos­tle D. Todd Christof­fer­son recent­ly stat­ed that the new pol­i­cy is meant to pro­tect chil­dren and pre­vent ten­sion that may arise between chil­dren and their par­ents. This expla­na­tion would be more cred­i­ble if the Church applied this same log­ic in oth­er sit­u­a­tions. But it does not, and the Church does not con­vey sim­i­lar con­cern about the ten­sion that may arise from many of its oth­er poli­cies. Chil­dren of non-mem­ber fam­i­lies are rou­tine­ly taught doc­trines at Church with­out regard to how the infor­ma­tion might be received at home. Chil­dren with par­ents liv­ing out­side of wed­lock and chil­dren of smok­ers, drinkers, adul­ter­ers, liars, for­ni­ca­tors, etc. attend church and are bap­tized on a reg­u­lar basis with­out regard to the famil­ial ten­sion that may result. In fact, the Church reg­u­lar­ly bap­tizes chil­dren even when one of the par­ents vehe­ment­ly oppos­es the deci­sion.

What the Church fails to real­ize is that its new pol­i­cy exac­er­bates fam­i­ly ten­sion. I have a friend who is cur­rent­ly in a same-sex rela­tion­ship. When he was an active mem­ber, my friend served an hon­or­able mis­sion, mag­ni­fied his many church call­ings, and left an indeli­ble impres­sion among those he served. Sev­er­al years ago, my friend came out as gay and he and his wife got divorced. They now share cus­tody of their four chil­dren.

My friend, who is still sup­port­ive of the church and often attends with his chil­dren, recent­ly emailed me and said he feels as if he has been “punched in the gut.” He said his son is sched­uled to be bap­tized in one month and now every­thing is in lim­bo. He is afraid that his ex-wife will now peti­tion for full cus­tody and try and elim­i­nate him from the fam­i­ly dynam­ic. He said his chil­dren, due in large part to what they are taught at church, already view him as a “sec­ond-class par­ents.” He stat­ed that this new pol­i­cy will only cause more divi­sion and more ten­sion with­in his fam­i­ly.

The Church’s new pol­i­cy has heart­break­ing con­se­quences and fur­ther alien­ates the LGBT com­mu­ni­ty from the love and accep­tance cen­tral to Christ’s min­istry.

Sim­i­lar to Chil­dren of Polyg­a­mists Rela­tion­ships

Elder Christof­fer­son recent­ly point­ed out that the Church’s pol­i­cy regard­ing chil­dren of same-sex cou­ples mir­rors its pol­i­cy toward chil­dren of polyg­a­mist fam­i­lies. Although chil­dren of polyg­a­mist fam­i­lies are not required to wait until they are 18 to be bap­tized, Elder Christof­fer­son­’s state­ment is most­ly accu­rate. And it’s iron­ic, as polyg­a­mist fam­i­lies are liv­ing in accor­dance with pre­vi­ous church teach­ings and as sanc­tioned in D&C 132. Regard­less, Lind­say Hansen Park point­ed out the flawed log­ic in com­par­ing the chil­dren of same-sex par­ents to chil­dren of polyg­a­mists. She stat­ed, in essence, that just because the Church is treat­ing one sub­set of peo­ple poor­ly does not jus­ti­fy treat­ing anoth­er sub­set of peo­ple poor­ly.

Fur­ther­more, the Church fails to explain why chil­dren of same-sex par­ents must be treat­ed dif­fer­ent­ly than the chil­dren of oth­er par­ents engag­ing in con­duct con­trary to LDS teachings.The pol­i­cy exclud­ing chil­dren of same-sex cou­ples from get­ting bap­tized is par­tic­u­lar­ly bizarre when you con­sid­er that chil­dren of rapists, mur­der­ers, adul­ter­ers, etc. are still wel­comed into the church. It makes you won­der what the church real­ly thinks about the LGBT com­mu­ni­ty.

Chil­dren Lack Suf­fi­cient Matu­ri­ty

Elder Christof­fer­son sug­gest­ed that chil­dren of same-sex cou­ples that are under 18 are not suf­fi­cient­ly mature to make a “con­scious deci­sion” as it relates to bap­tism. If that is the case, how can the Church claim that eight-year-olds are suf­fi­cient­ly mature to under­stand the com­mit­ment they are mak­ing when get­ting bap­tized? How can the Church claim that 18-year-olds are suf­fi­cient­ly mature to receive their endow­ment and make life-long covenants in the tem­ple? More­over, why do chil­dren of tra­di­tion­al LDS fam­i­lies need essen­tial sav­ing ordi­nances such as bap­tism and the gift of the Holy Ghost at age eight, yet chil­dren of same-sex cou­ples can wait until they are 18?

Fur­ther­more, Joseph Smith, at age 37, mar­ried a 14-year-old girl, Helen Mar Kim­ball. In propos­ing to Helen, Joseph Smith stat­ed that he was com­mand­ed by God to mar­ry her and that her sal­va­tion and the sal­va­tion of her fam­i­ly depend­ed on it. Grant­ed, Helen was legal­ly old enough to mar­ry (even though it was ille­gal to enter into a polyg­a­mist mar­riage), and some debat­ably argue that mar­riage at such a young age was cul­tur­al­ly accept­able. Nonethe­less, how can the Church claim that a 14-year-old girl was mature enough to enter into an “eter­nal mar­riage” with Joseph Smith yet, on the oth­er hand, claim that a 17-year-old child of same-sex par­ents is not capa­ble to decid­ing whether to be bap­tized.

Bizarrely, Elder Christofferson’s log­ic is dis­crim­i­na­to­ri­ly applied to chil­dren of same-sex cou­ples but dis­re­gard­ed for every­one else.

Draw­ing a Line in the Sand

As pre­vi­ous­ly not­ed, the Church’s new hand­book specif­i­cal­ly des­ig­nates Mor­mons in same-sex mar­riages as apos­tates who must under­go dis­ci­pli­nary hear­ings that will like­ly result in excom­mu­ni­ca­tion. Elder Christof­fer­son sug­gest­ed that this pol­i­cy was nec­es­sary to, in essence, draw a line in the sand and demon­strate the seri­ous nature of homo­sex­u­al rela­tion­ships. This is a par­tic­u­lar­ly baf­fling stance when com­pared to Church poli­cies relat­ed to oth­er acts of mis­con­duct. The new hand­book states that lead­ers have dis­cre­tion to ini­ti­ate dis­ci­pline against those who have engaged in “attempt­ed mur­der, forcible rape, sex­u­al abuse, spouse abuse, inten­tion­al phys­i­cal injury of oth­ers, adul­tery, for­ni­ca­tion, homo­sex­u­al rela­tions (espe­cial­ly sex­u­al cohab­i­ta­tion), delib­er­ate aban­don­ment of fam­i­ly respon­si­bil­i­ties.…” but must con­vene a dis­ci­pli­nary coun­cil against those who are “in a same-gen­der mar­riage.” What doc­tri­nal, scrip­tur­al, moral, or legal jus­ti­fi­ca­tion sug­gests that those in a same-gen­der mar­riage are not only on par but some­how worse than rapists and attempt­ed mur­der­ers?

Trust God’s Plan

Many mem­bers, while express­ing shock and sur­prise to the new poli­cies, shrug off the issue by stat­ing the new poli­cies reflect God’s plan and we should sim­ply fol­low the prophet. As a pre­lim­i­nary mat­ter, it is unclear whether Church lead­ers are claim­ing that the new poli­cies are the prod­uct of divine rev­e­la­tion. Regard­less, what many mem­bers fail to con­sid­er is that prophets have repeat­ed­ly taught doc­trines and imple­ment­ed prac­tices that were lat­er dis­avowed as false.

Brigham Young taught a doc­trine now known as the “Adam-God the­o­ry” over the pul­pit at the 1852 and 1854 Gen­er­al Con­fer­ences, and even intro­duced this doc­trine at the Lec­ture at the Veil in the Tem­ple endow­ment cer­e­mo­ny. (Jour­nal of L. John Nut­tall, per­son­al sec­re­tary of Brigham Young, Feb­ru­ary 7, 1877 in BYU Spe­cial Col­lec­tions). Brigham Young also taught a doc­trine known as “Blood Atone­ment,” indi­cat­ing that mur­der is so heinous that Christ’s atone­ment does not apply to mur­ders. Thus, to atone for mur­der, the per­pe­tra­tor must have his or her blood shed as a sac­ri­fi­cial offer­ing. (Brigham Young, Jour­nal of Dis­cours­es, Vol. 4, p. 53–54) Like­wise, for close to 130 years, those of African descent were banned from hold­ing the priest­hood, and black men and women were pro­hib­it­ed from par­tic­i­pat­ing in tem­ple endow­ment or seal­ing ordi­nances.

Sim­ply stat­ed, the Church does­n’t have a great track record on social issues. What com­pels so many mem­bers to fol­low, sup­port, and defend a pol­i­cy that has so lit­tle jus­ti­fi­ca­tion; fails to pro­duc­tive­ly advance the Church’s inter­ests; por­trays the Church as hate­ful and intol­er­ant; and sim­ply feels wrong?

Rec­om­men­da­tions, Ques­tions, and Con­clu­sions



The Church can eas­i­ly pro­tect its own inter­ests with­out tak­ing such a heavy-hand­ed and dis­crim­i­na­to­ry approach towards the LGBT com­mu­ni­ty. Here are sev­er­al sug­ges­tions:

First, the church can main­tain its stance against gay mar­riage with­out des­ig­nat­ing its par­tic­i­pants as apos­tates. As a pre­lim­i­nary mat­ter, the church rarely dis­ci­plines inac­tive cou­ples who are liv­ing togeth­er out of wed­lock, espe­cial­ly when these indi­vid­u­als have chil­dren attend­ing church. Rather, for­mal dis­ci­pline is typ­i­cal­ly ini­ti­at­ed only when the mem­ber sub­ject to dis­ci­pline con­veys a desire to change and repent.

The church could eas­i­ly imple­ment the same stance for same-sex cou­ples. Rather than label­ing homo­sex­u­als apos­tates and ini­ti­at­ing dis­ci­pline, why not sim­ply allow and invite them to attend church and only move for­ward with dis­ci­pline if the mem­ber con­veys an intent to “change” and “repent.” After all, the church has been very clear that sex out­side of mar­riage and homo­sex­u­al con­duct is sin­ful. Why is it nec­es­sary to also label homo­sex­u­als who are legal­ly mar­ried “apos­tates” and move to excom­mu­ni­cate them?

Sec­ond, the church should allow ALL chil­dren to receive a baby bless­ing regard­less of whether they are chil­dren of mem­bers of non-mem­bers. Why should per­fect, inno­cent chil­dren be denied a bless­ing sim­ply because their par­ents are gay?

Third, the church should allow all will­ing chil­dren to be bap­tized so long as they have parental con­sent. After all, chil­dren of par­ents who are liv­ing out of wed­lock can be bap­tized. Why can’t the same pol­i­cy apply to chil­dren of homo­sex­u­als?

As a final note, Church mem­bers should take Shel Sil­ver­stein’s words to heart in con­sid­er­ing the new poli­cies. Rather than instinc­tive­ly defer­ring to Church lead­ers for expla­na­tion and jus­ti­fi­ca­tion, per­haps more mem­bers should ask them­selves how they real­ly feel about the Church’s treat­ment of the LGBT com­mu­ni­ty.

There is a voice inside of you That whis­pers all day long, “I feel that this is right for me, I know that this is wrong.” No teacher, preach­er, par­ent, friend Or wise man can decide What’s right for you — just lis­ten to The voice that speaks inside.