You’ve heard the melodies a million times. Every mall in America has been piping these schlocky standards for weeks now. The sounds on today’s cover would fit right in at Macy’s or Target. The moment the horn intro hits on “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town,” you reach for your “Next” button. But wait, what’s this? Head like a hole? Black as my soul? These don’t sound like the lyrics you learned in elementary school!

Yes, it’s Christmas melodies with Nine Inch Nails lyrics. The funny folks at Bad Gods created “Nine Inch Noels” a few years back, and it’s worth revisiting every Yuletide season. Believe it or not, it’s even better than you imagine. Moments like “I hurt myself today, barumpumpumpum” and “I want to f*** you like an animal [cheery barnyard noises]” will have you rolling on the floor. The cadences match up so well you wonder if Trent Reznor has been playing some meta joke on us all along.

Play this at your Christmas party and see if anyone notices the, shall we say, “alterations.”



Check out more Bad Gods comedy here.

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