There is no such thing as “attempted obstruction of justice.” It’s not like attempted murder. The “no harm, no foul,” rule does not apply. It is the attempt to obstruct justice that IS OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE. If you want to get philosophical about it, ALL prosecutions for obstruction of justice arise from failed attempts to obstruct justice. Successful attempts to obstruct justice result in no charges because the offending party succeeded in evading justice.

We still don’t know if Donald Trump personally colluded with Russian agents to influence an American election. We don’t know how deep the alleged criminal conspiracy goes.

But we already know he obstructed justice. We know BECAUSE HE TOLD US ON TELEVISION. Here are the Idiot-in-Chief’s OWN WORDS:

He [Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein] made a recommendation, he’s highly respected, very good guy, very smart guy. The Democrats like him, the Republicans like him. He made a recommendation. But regardless of [the] recommendation, I was going to fire Comey. Knowing there was no good time to do it! And in fact when I decided to just do it I said to myself, I said, “You know, this Russia thing with Trump and Russia is a made-up story, it’s an excuse by the Democrats for having lost an election that they should’ve won.”

WE ARE LIVING INSIDE AN EPISODE OF COLUMBO (Google it, Millennials). We already know who did it and what he did. The perpetrator was revealed to the audience in the opening scene! All that’s left for the writers of the stupid show to do is to reveal that information to the characters of the show. We are trapped behind the fourth wall waiting for a collection of one-dimensional goobers to figure it out.

And by “collection of one-dimensional goobers” I clearly mean “Republicans in Congress.” Presidents have been impeached for obstruction of justice without, you know, admitting it on live television. So I really don’t know what it will take for Paul Ryan to acknowledge the obvious crime here. But if he’s not there already, I doubt there’s anything Mueller can present to him that will make Ryan spontaneously grow a pair.

Look at what’s coming out today. Today — again, as if a televised confession isn’t enough — the New York Times reports that Trump explicitly told White House Counsel Don McGahn to pressure Attorney General Jeff Sessions into not recusing himself from the Russian investigation. Sessions, you’ll remember, said he should recuse himself because he was involved in the very campaign that needed to be investigated. That’s a good reason. But Sessions had also just been caught lying to Congress about his own personal contacts with Russian agents. Any Sessions-led probe would have been a farce on its face.

Trump telling Sessions to not recuse himself is essentially the President of the United States telling his Attorney General how to conduct an investigation into the president’s own campaign. THAT’S ALSO OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE! The fact that Sessions ultimately did the right thing and still recused himself anyway does not, ex post facto, inoculate Trump from his attempt to influence the investigation.

Granted, the fact that Trump wanted Sessions to stay in charge of the Russia investigation, and actively pressured him to do so, does not prove he wanted Sessions to stay so that he might give the Trump favorable treatment in the investigation. It does not prove the “corrupt purpose.”

For that, we have to go to Trump himself, AGAIN! It’s the Columbo world, and we’ve already seen the crime. Back in July, Trump told the New York Times, ON THE RECORD, exactly what he thought of Sessions’s recusal:

“Sessions should have never recused himself, and if he was going to recuse himself, he should have told me before he took the job and I would have picked somebody else,” Mr. Trump said… “Jeff Sessions takes the job, gets into the job, recuses himself, which frankly I think is very unfair to the president,” he added. “How do you take a job and then recuse yourself? If he would have recused himself before the job, I would have said, ‘Thanks, Jeff, but I’m not going to take you.’ It’s extremely unfair — and that’s a mild word — to the president.”

Recusing is “unfair to the president.” “[E]xtremely unfair.” The man is TELLING YOU why he wanted Sessions to be in charge of the investigation. Trump should be under the lights in a deposition trying to explain his definition of “fair,” just like Bill Clinton had to try to explain his definition of “is.”

Now Trump’s own people are revealing that he actively took steps to make sure he received “fair” treatment by trying to influence his attorney general. And today’s Times piece just makes Trump’s intent even more clear:

[After Sessions recused,] the president erupted in anger in front of numerous White House officials, saying he needed his attorney general to protect him. Mr. Trump said he had expected his top law enforcement official to safeguard him the way he believed Robert F. Kennedy, as attorney general, had done for his brother John F. Kennedy and Eric H. Holder Jr. had for Barack Obama. Mr. Trump then asked, “Where’s my Roy Cohn?” He was referring to his former personal lawyer and fixer, who had been Senator Joseph R. McCarthy’s top aide during the investigations into communist activity in the 1950s and died in 1986.

Will Trump face any consequences for this? On the obstruction charge, we’re not waiting for more facts, we’re waiting for the Republican Party to acknowledge what is already plain as day. But given that Republicans in Congress REGULARLY DENY everything from climate change to evolution, the truth of the matter literally has no meaning anymore.

Donald Trump obstructed justice. He confessed. IT’S NOT EVEN NEWS THAT HE OBSTRUCTED JUSTICE, SINCE WE ALREADY KNOW HE DID.

Meanwhile, Paul Ryan is standing on top of the garage in Underoos and a bed sheet talking about how he needs more evidence that gravity exists. JUMP AND FIND OUT, you smug jerk. I’m sick of waiting for an apple to trickle down upside your head.

Obstruction Inquiry Shows Trump’s Struggle to Keep Grip on Russia Investigation [New York Times]

Elie Mystal is the Executive Editor of Above the Law and the Legal Editor for More Perfect. He can be reached @ElieNYC on Twitter, or at elie@abovethelaw.com. He will resist.