Reader’s Question

Lately, my best friend has been accusing me of not wanting to be her friend anymore. I think this is just because I’ve been spending more time with another one of my friends. My best friend and I are part of a group that has 3 other girls. We’ve had similar discussions before, all of them ending up with her asking me not to spend so much time with any of the others and to spend more time with her. It has reached the point that I feel smothered by her, and I’m beginning to feel like I don’t want to be her friend anymore. I feel like she’s trying to control my life and expects too much of me as a “best friend.”

I am not the sort of person whom you can easily talk heart-to-heart with. And it’s the same with my friend and our 3 other friends. The five of us are fairly much ‘good time’ friends who generally have loads of fun together and only occasionally talk about serious matters.

My best friend doesn’t know how to accept the fact that my other friends and I are not like the other people she knows who are more outgoing and open. My other friends and I have never had a really affectionate friendship before. I want to be her friend, but she makes me uneasy because she appears to want something from me that I can’t give her. I’m a person who almost NEVER expresses her feelings to anyone, not even my parents. I don’t want to be as close to her as she seems to want to be with me.

I am trying to find a way to continue being friends with this girl because I don’t want our group to split up (no matter how selfish that may sound). But I don’t know how to deal with her wanting more from me.

Could you help me find a way to say what I need to say to her? Every time I’ve attempted this before, she always ends up putting the blame on me for not being a good enough friend to her.