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Take a whole body approach.

Keep in mind that the clitoris isn’t the only path to orgasm. “The pelvic region (and the rest of the body) communicates with the brain (the ultimate sex organ) via various nerve pathways,” says O’Reilly. So, don’t ignore the rest of your partner’s body.

“An small percentage of women can actually reach orgasm through breast play alone,” she says. “Breast orgasms make perfect sense since stimulating the nipples actually activates the genital sensory cortex, which is same part of the brain that lights up when you touch her clitoris, vagina or cervix.”

Set the stage.

If you want great orgasms, you need to keep your head in the game. As O’Reilly points out, “if you’re worried about the kids in the next room, tomorrow’s big presentation or what you look like from behind, your likelihood of orgasm decreases. It’s your responsibility to learn to be present; you can ask your partner for help/support, but ultimately you have to make the cognitive and behavioural changes necessary”

Speak up.

In her much lauded Golden Globes speech, Oprah said, “speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we all have.” This also applies to your sexual pleasure. If something doesn’t feel good, speak up. If you’re enjoying what your partner is doing, let them know.

Experiment and be patient. The path to orgasm isn’t one size fits all. As O’Reilly reminds us, “each person’s body is unique. Just because something works for 99 people doesn’t mean it will be effective or pleasurable for the 100th person.”

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