The game of rugby league has changed. Recent adjustments to the rules have left many a hard nut scratching it; confused, bewildered, a little hungover and unsure where they stand in a game which once was their realm.

They can’t comprehend that everything their fathers taught them about being a man was ill-informed, uneducated drivel from a bygone era that has no relevance in today’s world.

It hurts them because it rocks their core beliefs about what it is to be a man.

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Well suck it up He-Man. It’s time to take a spoon full of talcum powder and soften the f**k up.

This is the new era. The soft era.

And if you’re not soft, then get out. We don’t take kindly to testosterone ‘round these parts.

You might be thinking ” I’m pretty soft… but am I soft enough?”. Well what better way to measure how soft you are than a Cleo style quiz?

Answer the questions below truthfully, write your answers down, then, at the end of the quiz, post your score so we can see who is the softest of them all!

Question 1. It’s golden point extra time. You’ve got the ball in your hands 45m out from the opposition try line. Do you:

a) Go for the try?

b) Take a long range shot at field goal?

c) Run into Glenn Stewart, jump on your own head and milk a penalty?



Question 2. Some Neanderthal pushes you after he plays the ball and says “Is that all you’ve got?”. Whose spirit do you channel?

a) Paul Gallen

b) Wally Lewis

c) Ben Creagh

Question 3. When you run out on the field, who are you playing for?

a) Your teammates

b) Yourself

c) Females aged 24-40 with 1+ children and disposable income

Question 4. Big Siro is coming towards you at a squillion miles an hour. What’s going through your mind?

a) “They can’t run without their head”

b) “They can’t run without their legs”

c) Your next tattoo design

Question 5. What’s your poison?

a) Beer

b) Red Bull and Stilnox

c) Pineapple Cruisers

Question 6. Describe your footy boots.

a) Black

b) White

c) Glow in the dark

Question 7. Who was your favourite NSW player in the 90s?

a) Mark Geyer

b) Ricky Stuart

c) Rod Wishart

Question 8. Who was your favourite Queensland player in the 90’s?

a) Trevor Gillmeister

b) Wally Lewis

c) Michael Hancock

Question 9. You’re captain of a team that’s just lost 50-0. What do you do?

a) Get the boys in a huddle and lay down the law

b) Get the boys in a huddle and focus on the positives

c) Give the opposition a cuddle and arrange a Playstation date for later in the week



Question 10. Your teammate has just scored a try. What is the appropriate way to celebrate?

a) A wink, a nod and a pat on the bum

b) A hug followed by a well rehearsed secret handshake

c) Kiss him

For each question you answered “a”, give yourself 1 point, “b” 2 points and “c” 3 points.

Add them up and see what your score means below.

If you scored between 10 and 30

You are soft enough for rugby league. In fact, simply by completing an online quiz about being soft means you qualify.

Seriously, go to your wife and ask for your X chromosome back.

You’re a disgrace to manhood and we really should be forming some sort of man-council to protect our masculinity from the likes of you.

If you scored 1-10

You either can’t count or you boycotted the “Who’s your favourite Queensland/NSW player” question. And good on you. You may have taken a namby-pamby online quiz, but at least you showed some gumption.

If you didn’t keep score then join me in creating a new sport: manball (working title).



Collisions will be hard but safe, fights will occur but only if warranted.

No wrestle, no surrender, no kissing.

There will be a cap on how much each player can spend on his hair, the referee will be addressed as “Ref”, not “Sir” and any player who fakes a concussion will be given concussion.

I’ve had it with these rule changes.

They don’t even make sense. If a bloke starts pummelling your head, you’re now left with three options: guaranteed sin bin, brain damage or the remainder of your days being compared to Ben “Runaway” Creagh.

Decisions, decisions.

And what if there’s an all-in?

I can imagine Shayne Hayne and Matt Cecchin alone in the middle, waiting for the players to return, occasionally reminding each other of the penalty count, chatting about their preferred brand of whistle.



Riveting.

The NRL has made itself clear: the future of the game will be determined by mums and if you don’t like it, watch something else.

Well maybe I will. Maybe a lot of us will.