EDITED FOR: TRIGGER WARNING: abuse, trauma

I’ve been looking at the above image on all my social media ALL day. It has been deeply triggering for me to see this image, but I’ve figured that I have no right to discuss this because blah blah blah blah blah.

The word “triggering” means that it makes me occasionally—and quite suddenly—flash back to previous instances of deep trauma. Instances where I have felt victimized and scared.

I have PTSD—post-traumatic stress disorder. I have specifically been diagnosed with it because of cyberbullying that I experienced between 2007-2010.

One of the effects of PTSD, on me, is that if I read about another woman being cyberbullied or harassed, I get extremely upset. My blood pressure rises, my adrenaline shoots up, I sweat, and I start to feel scared and anxious. Because I also have heart issues, this is rather a dangerous state for me to be in o a regular basis. That is why, in 2010, I quit regular blogging on comic book related topics.

I had several cyberbullies during that three-year span, but Chris Sims was one of the worst. Not so much for what he said about me directly, but because he had a popular forum from which to direct harassment to me by many other people.

I never could figure out what I did to Chris personally to be singled out for this type of treatment. But week after week, he would have posts focused on me in which he would be a ringleader for others, who would then go off and harass me personally via my blog, social media, and emails.

This hit its peak when it was announced that I was to write a one-shot for The Punisher. Apparently Chris thought this was the wrong choice, and he made his opinions clear.

8:00 in the morning the issue was to hit stands, Marvel Comics called me to warn that there was a “harassing” atmosphere on the internet regarding my comic. They told me to “be careful.” Over the next week I received constant harassment and threats. The result was that, among other things, I refused to go to comic book conventions or other events in which somebody might know I would be at a certain time—because I believed I would be hurt or even killed.

While at that point the highly-influential Sims had pulled back from the harassment—me at one point engaging in a “cross-blog” interview in the hopes that if he “liked” me, the harassment might stop—the damage was clearly done.

I have spent many hours in therapy dealing with the fallout from cyberbullying. I have considered committing suicide, and turned to drinking as a way to medicate my anxiety. I now still struggle with the effects from this bullying.

Sims very recently sent my husband an email that read:

“I saw what you said to that dude yesterday, and just felt awful. You, and Valerie, have a very good reason to throw me under the bus, and you have always treated me with way more respect than I deserve. I was a complete asshole to Val, and by extension to you, and while in my head I thought I was keeping it about the work rather than being personal, I know I stepped over the line more than once. I was completely the bad guy, and once I realized that, I stopped, and the only reason I haven’t reached out to apologize is because I know that both of you (rightly) think I’m a real jerk, and I didn’t want to try to insert myself into your lives because I suddenly realized I was being a dickhead about it.”



A lot of interesting things to unpack here. #1, it really seems like he is apologizing to my husband—who I guess is actually worth something, as a man—than me.

#2, he refers to a potential exposure of what he did as me and my husband “throwing him under the bus.” Note how in his phraseology, HE is the victim here, not me…he is the warm body being thrown under a vehicle.

#3 It is highly suspect that he has finally decided to apologize for his actions right on the heels of him being announced as the writer of an X-Men comic.

The irony that Marvel hired the man who ring-led the harassment against me over my Punisher comic is not lost on me. Neither is the omni-present victimized crying Batgirl image I’ve been seeing all day today…or the fact that Sims had once left a message on my blog that said “Are you going to CRY, little girl?”

I think Sims totally has the right to write his X-Men comic, which apparently is set in the “Golden Age” of the 1990s—this is the exact period of time I STOPPED reading the X-Men and began to notice a distinct “women not allowed” vibe in comics. For a living I help others tell their unique stories in comic book form—and every story is important.

Actually, I feel quite relieved that this all allowed me to finally talk about the trauma I have experienced; I literally feel much better having done it.

But one thing still bothers me…

Chris, you said you thought I was the WORST person to write the Punisher.

But I have to disagree. Frank Castle is one hard-ass stubborn Italian who doesn’t take shit from NOBODY. And he had a pretty good memory, too. Who knows? Maybe the experience, in the end, made me a stronger person.