In a savvy move, Kiesha Dawson has begun prefacing all her opinions with the phrase “I like Bernie”, lest her intentions be misinterpreted as an attack on the beloved progressive figure.

“At first it started with politics, like if I was critiquing Bernie on the effectiveness of his messaging – which I mostly love – or praising another candidate in any way,” she explains. “People would come out of the woodwork to tell me that I was horrible for betraying him. So to avoid getting called a neoliberal shill again, I just started saying I like him before I expressed any other opinion on the election.”

The strategy proved so necessary that Kiesha has started extending it to other areas of her life, just in case.

“If I’m getting a sandwich at the deli, I’ll try to mention liking Bernie before I place my order. Or if I’m talking about what kind of music I like, I’ll mention that I donated to Bernie first.”

“I appreciate Kiesha being more candid,” says Donald West, a member of her friend group. “Before she’d be saying these things that just felt so abrasive and wrong. It’s nice to know she finally sees the light on Bernie.”

“I didn’t love that she told me to stop yelling at her the other day, but it was nice when she finally admitted that it’s okay when Bernie yells, because he is on the right side of history and always has been.”

Keisha admits to being a little bit tired of the 2020 election but is proud of her learned skill.

“I like Bernie, but this is just the easiest path forward, I guess.”