The Brazilian parade through Disneyworld continues apace. Julio Baptista just signed for Orlando City.

Of course, Baptista is a European vagabond, having played for Sevilla, Real Madrid, Arsenal, Roma and Malaga in 10 years abroad between stints in his native Brazil. He also has 47 caps for Brazil and played in the 2010 World Cup for maligned manager Dunga.

Why is that important? Because Dunga played a blunt, regressive style of soccer, and Julio Baptista, who seemed to fit that mold, is a monstrous man the size of a building (his nickname is THE BEAST) who occasionally does fun things in the final third. He hasn’t played for Brazil since Dunga’s departure.

In any case, he’s an MLS man now at the age of 34, and he joined former teammate Kaka in training with Orlando City for the first time this week. And holy crap is Julio Baptista TERRIFYING.

Look at this from practice. Look at this all ye men and be afeared for thy future.

This is the sign of the end, MLS defenders. If you can petition Don Garber to allow Kevlar, now is your time. I’m going to spend the rest of my day in hiding. If you need me, I’ve devised a complex series of semaphore to communicate with my family and confuse The Beast. If I don’t make it out alive, tell Kaka this is probably all his fault.