If I see one more list of 7 Hot New Apps for Thanksgiving or one more piece about The New Way To Cook A Turkey That Will Absolutely Blow Your Mind, I'm going to beat myself senseless with a drumstick.

Thanksgiving is not about doing something new. It's about tradition.

We all have memories of Thanksgiving growing up, and many of those memories include food. What kind of memories would you have if your mom had made an entirely different menu every year because the internet convinced her she had to? With that kind of upbringing you'd probably be in jail right now.

We don't need help cooking Thanksgiving. We need help eating it.

I look at the way most people consume the Thanksgiving meal and I see wasted bites, poor technique, and regret. Stick with me and we'll fix this together.

This week on The Sporkful podcast we present a two-part Thanksgiving special. Amy Sedaris explains how to handle drunk house guests, Mo Rocca tells you how to overcome feelings of inadequacy in the kitchen, and Radiolab's Robert Krulwich tells the story of the wild turkey that fell in love with his wife.

Plus Serious Eats' food science guru Kenji Lopez-Alt explains how brining works and why he opposes it, and NY Times food editor Sam Sifton rails against appetizers at Thanksgiving.

Listen below and subscribe in iTunes or the Podcasts app:



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Now, let's talk about how to optimize your Thanksgiving eating experience. Here are some tips:

Think Before You Bite



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Stomach space is a precious resource. Don't charge into Thanksgiving dinner willy-nilly. Survey all the options and give priority to the foods you like that you can only get at the holidays. Don't fill up on salad or bread or nuts.

"You come into my house and eat two pounds of cashews and then refuse seconds on my turkey?" NY Times food editor Sam Sifton declared on The Sporkful. "That's a grievous insult to me."

Sam's right. And if you're a host, help an eater out—skip the appetizers and don't serve salad in the first place. As a general rule, if you can make it in 15 minutes when you get home from work on a Tuesday night, it shouldn't be on the Thanksgiving table.

Breathe Properly



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We all know that our sense of smell is a big part of the eating experience. Well new research shows that the way you breathe when you eat affects how much of a food's aroma actually makes it to your nose.

As NPR's blog The Salt explains, the natural way of breathing while you eat forces aromatic compounds up towards your nose so you can enjoy them. If you eat too quickly and gasp for breath, you'll bypass your nose and suck those aromas right into your lungs. If you breathe too slowly, the natural mechanism won't work properly.

Be Mindful



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There are a hundred articles every November about how to navigate family disputes at Thanksgiving, and none of them points out that the best way to avoid a fight is to avoid talking.

If you want to get maximum pleasure from your food, give it the attention it deserves.

"Sit down quietly. Take a few deep breaths," Deepak Chopra once explained to me. "Experience gratitude for the abundance of the universe. Enjoy the food with full awareness, and in silence."

Think About Leftovers Before They're Left Over



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If you're running out of steam and Aunt Gert's legendary sweet potatoes are almost gone while pounds of turkey remain, eat the sweet potatoes. There will be turkey tomorrow. Again it's about understanding the scarcity of your stomach space and the scarcity of certain dishes.

Armed with these tips I'm confident that this year, you'll eat the best Thanksgiving of your life!