Some say that being an artist and being a parent are incompatible. They are correct. Art demands solitude and focus, while parenting demands heaps of cash.

Certain artists, however, have blossomed post-parenthood, such as the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, who seems to have it all because she’s not real; or Picasso, who once said, “Every child is an artist,” especially the four he had with the three different wives who raised them; or the star of your M.F.A. program, who practically gave birth mid-conversation with Terry Gross.

Instead of ugly crying in front of your “Artist’s Way” group again, follow this advice:

Only have one child. Think of him or her as an experimental conceptual work that will eventually join you in therapy.

Sleepless nights with a newborn can be tough. But inspiration strikes at unlikely moments, and now you have three to sixteen opportunities per night to ruminate as a human air-raid siren writhes in your arms. Keep a notepad handy.

Incorporate your child into your work, but steer clear of trying to become the next Anne Geddes. There will never be another Anne Geddes.

Although you may suffer from proverbial “mom brain” or “dad bod,” when you do find time to work, you’ll be focussed like never before. Step back—making sure to avoid the Lego bricks—and admire your art. Then wonder how it will pay for your child’s college tuition, since you’re still paying down yours.

Many artists can’t afford studio space, so every day is bring-your-kid-to-work day. This is not a tip but a warning.

Stop comparing yourself to childless artists, especially ones with ascendant careers. When they air their petty grievances or self-promote, know that you are shaping a living spirit. Sure, that won’t get you a Pulitzer, or a solo show, or a grant, or into Sundance, but does a Pulitzer love you back? Don’t answer that question.

Look at the world with childlike wonder. Ditch the phone and stroll around with your toddler. Inspect every single little thing, discovering the universe in a wildflower and someone’s . . . Are those dentures? But they’re purple and studded with prickly hairs—get that out of your mouth!

Art is difficult and success may always remain elusive. On the other hand, child rearing does get easier. So they say. But “they” also sold you a false bill of goods on sleep training. So who knows what to believe anymore.

Observe how enthusiastically your child approaches art. Emulate his or her ability to create effortlessly, snack heavily, watch a ton of YouTube, and throw a tantrum at any moment.

Much enduring art has been inspired by dreams. Unfortunately, you’ll forget all of yours, since kids love jumping into bed and yammering on about something they watched on “Ryan ToysReview,” like, before your eyes have opened. Never mind.

Lean on your partner or parents to gain some much needed solitude. Though it’s easy to feel guilty if you then waste time, remember how much time you wasted before having kids. Mercilessly use your family as a scapegoat for your creative issues. Repeat until death.

Think in the stillness between the crying.

Remember, you are shaping a living spirit. Oh, God, I’m repeating myself. In the past five years, I’ve stitched together maybe two hours of continuous sleep, max? My brain is broken. Ever had hand, foot, and mouth disease? That’s a weird one. How many nannies do you think Kim and Kanye have? I often daydream about that while peeling grapes.

Resist the temptation to measure your child’s development against a creative work in progress. Art is long, and your kids will be leaving for college and then moving back in with you before you know it.

For any artist fortunate enough to afford full-time day care, please send your agent’s contact info along with a personal recommendation.