For the fifth day of Cards Against Humanity Saves America, we used your money to fund one year of monthly public opinion polls. We’ll ask the American people about their social and political views, what they think of the president, and their pee-pee habits.

In fact, we secretly started polling three months ago. What a delightful surprise!

To conduct our polls in a scientifically rigorous manner, we’ve partnered with Survey Sampling International — a professional research firm — to contact a nationally representative sample of the American public. For the first three polls, we interrupted people’s dinners on both their cell phones and landlines, and a total of about 3,000 adults didn’t hang up immediately. We examined the data for statistically significant correlations, and boy did we find some stuff.