Conversation Starters for Parents Driving the Middle School Carpool

What’s your favorite color?

What’s your favorite movie?

Who did your parents vote for in the last presidential election?

For those of you whose parents didn’t vote for the orange sexual predator, is Ethan’s mom a racist?

What’s your favorite food?

What are your families doing this weekend? Not yours, Ethan.

What’s your favorite song?

Which one of you should sit in the third row where the Greek yogurt spilled? Meet my eyes in the rearview mirror if your suggestion is “Ethan.”

What’s your favorite drink?

What’s your favorite sport?

What’s your favorite season? Only answer if your parents aren’t fucking morons who think climate change is a myth.

What’s your favorite dog?

What’s your mother doing here, Ethan?

What’s that word she’s carving into my minivan with her keys?

Who here thinks it’s a bad idea for me to grab the tire iron? Okay, all of you do.

What’s the best way to push Ethan out of the car before I peel away and scream, “2018’s coming, bitch!”

What’s your favorite dessert?