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A PRELIMINARY itinerary for the 2018 papal visit by Pope Francis has outlined several high-profile meetings at government buildings, churches and of course the Phoenix park site visited by Pope John Paul II in 1979, as well as absolutely no visits to the former sites of Magdalene laundries or mother-and-baby homes around the country.

Pope Francis made the announcement of his visit earlier this week, prompting fleeting thoughts in the minds of those affected by the Catholic church’s views on ‘fallen women’ over the last hundred years that they might be getting some sort of apology from the pontiff at a special ceremony or something.

However Franko’s ‘bucket list of places to visit in Paddyland’ features almost zero mention of visiting people whose lives were torn apart by paedophile priests or the subsequent Vatican-endorsed cover-up, nor indeed of the mass-grave site of over 800 babies at a Mother & baby home in Tuam, Co. Galway.

“We’re aiming to keep this trip light,” said one Vatican official, browsing Tripadvisor, “wave at friendly crowds, bless a baby or two… just the JP visit all over again, except this time we kinda have to deal with all the shit that has come to light over the last 30 years”.

It has also been confirmed that Pope Francis will be following the tradition of posing for a picture of him sipping a pint of Guinness, while officials at the Irish Tourist Board come in their trousers.