The first rule of witches — they're all bitches.

Remember the witch in the gingerbread house? She lured little kids into her home and ate them. Fuck her.

The Wicked Witch of the West? She used an army of flying monkeys to terrorize a little girl. Fuck her.

Strega Nona? She had to have known that Big Anthony was watching her. Instead she let the poor bastard use the pot and nearly drown the town, getting himself crucified in the process. Fuck her.

Witches are bitches. I'm no different, really — just more high-tech about it. About the only thing I still do old-school is summon demons. I don't promise my soul to them, I harvest them. I don't ask for a fraction of their power, I turn them into drugs. And then I abuse the hell out of them.

Together with my best friend and partner in crime, the Inside Man, I break the law. I lie, cheat, steal, kill, and do whatever I need to make and break banks. I could do a lot of good with my powers, sure — but I'm not that kind of gal. I'd much rather drink you under the table, smoke you out of your house, and rob it in the process.

They call me the Rookie. Strap in; it's gonna be a hell of a ride.

SINGLES:

[+32] [♬] Australian Rules Drag Racing [2 comments] And that was when the Rookie pulled out the rocket launcher.

[+179] [♬] Hypervelocity [22 comments] In a fluid, practiced motion, she gently stabs the needle into the vein in her arm and injects herself with 100 CCs of pure demon.

[+83] [♬] Terminal Velocity [11 comments] The engine howls as it mashes up and digests the cocktail of sex, drugs, and demons inside your brain.

[+93] [♬] Zeitgeist [6 comments] The old house rattles with the sounds of gunfire and spirits being violently put to rest.

ALBUMS:

ESCAPE VELOCITY (UPDATES MONDAYS, WEDNESDAYS, FRIDAYS):

The Rookie's broken more than a few hearts in her day. But never quite this literally — so when her ex steals her powers and leaves her for dead, there's only one thing to do: cheat, steal, and kill her way into another universe to get revenge.

[+63] [♬] The Chosen Few [5 comments] I don't usually hang around Three Portlands, but the dives are second to none and the bartenders aren't programmed to ask questions.

[+50] [♬] Morphine Machine [6 comments] "I went out last night to get a soda and came back with you bleeding to death all over your sheets."

[+49] [♬] Loud, Lawless, and Lost [4 comments] "Oneiroi's weird. They're privately owned but I haven't been able to figure out by who. More importantly, they're bastards."

[+44] [♬] The Revelation [3 comments] "Take a swing," she repeats. "I'm right fucking here. I'm your monster, Ruku. Do the right thing."

[+46] [♬] Truth Is Sin [4 comments] What's important is that the MachineGod fought and died for our right to party. He's our lord, savior, and DJ. And this is his most sacred temple.

[+46] [♬] The Vice Girls [5 comments] I introduce her to demonics and comics. She introduces me to Marxism and strap-ons.

[+38] [♬] Rise and Repent [3 comments] Time is running out, but I'm going to become a magical girl if it kills me.

[+39] [♬] Ecstasy and Exorcism [7 comments] There's a surreal quality to watching a man die.

[+47] [♬] Hard Machine [7 comments] The gynoid's eyes and hair are all too real — I realize with disgust that they're mine.

MORE COMING SOON

MEET THE CHICAGO SPECTRE:

The Rookie: 95% human. 5% demon — the five percent makes all the difference. She's not from this universe, but has more fun here anyways. One half of the Chicago Specter, the coolest up-and-coming paracrime syndicate on the block.

The Inside Man: He knows everything that's going on; him and an infinite number more. They call him the Inside Man because he gets in your head — in more ways than one. One half of the Chicago Specter, the coolest up-and-coming paracrime syndicate on the block.

SUPPORTING ACTS:

Alexylva University: An institution of higher learning from a universe where Carthage won yet the Roman Empire persists. They operate the Phitransimun Combine: an artery between this world and theirs that carries men, machines, money, and magic beyond one's wildest dreams.

Alliott Chao: Codename: Black Queen. An interdimensional paratech dealer and gunrunner; if you want it, she's got it — but it'll cost you.

MachineGod: A power player in the Eurtec underworld; an information broker who operates on an industrial scale; a complex messiah; a thrower of parties; an influencer, a pusher, a God.

Natasha Tokyopop: Anarchist magical girl turned coldhearted CEO. The Rookie's first and last love.

Oneiroi, Incorporated: Oneiroi, Inc. buys people's dreams for a penny and sells them for a pound. Why crush dreams when you can profit from them?

Unusual Incidents Unit: All cops are bastards. Federal agents are just bigger bastards.

THE VENUES:

Eurtec: The premiere technological metropolis in the West. Run by the Servants of the Silicon Nornir, a member of the GOC's ruling council, Eurtec presents itself as the official paracity of the future. Think Berlin meets New York and Tokyo twenty minutes into the future. By day, corporations, anartists, and paratech enthusiasts rub shoulders. By night, K-pop idol-bots and cyborg techno-fascists clash in the streets.

Three Portlands: An autonomous city-state out of space, accessible only through dimensional portals located in the Portlands of Oregon, Maine, and the Isle in the UK. Three Portlands is a hotbed of occult and parascientific eclecticism, which the United States government is only barely able to keep a lid on. Rumours abound, however, of a clandestine organization supporting them from the shadows.

Next: The Chosen Few