Coronavirus – not the only plague upon humanity.

Despite the embarrassing lack of any foresight from the legion of astrologers, tarot readers, psychics, mediums, clairvoyants, prophets and God-men across the globe, there has been no shortage of these parasites emerging as soothsayers for the current pandemic.

As crowds gather for mass prayer against coronavirus in some parts of the world, Spring Break students partying hard in youthful defiance of science and crowds gather along the beaches to enjoy the early spring sunshine, Facebook soothsayers give us their own sagely advise.

Here are some of my current favourite examples of breathtaking stupidity dressed up as words of wisdom (all typos are faithful to the original copy):

‘When “I” is replaced with “We” even illness becomes wellness.’

‘Your mind will always believe everything you tell it. Feed it love! Feed it hope! Feed it truth!’

‘Despite the #coronavirus, we must continue to realize we are always in control of our actions & #attitude, which determine our #destiny. Abandon fear. It only leads to ruin.’

‘The truth of the matter is that there’s always a chance of getting sick or getting killed every time we leave are home. We don’t think like that because we don’t let those chances stop of us from living our life. Don’t let the corona virus stop you from living your life’

Whilst British morons panic buy loo-rolls, in India, they are holding public cow-piss drinking parties, guru’s talk about karmic debt and in America large queues form outside the gun stores. Meanwhile, the Dutch and Canadian stockpile cannabis supplies and beer. Every culture it seems has a bias to what people think will help them through the apocalypse in relative comfort and safety.

It seems that the British most fear a shitty arse, the Americans fear their fellow Americans, the Dutch fear sobriety, and the Indians… well, any population that happily drinks cow piss probably isn’t afraid of very much at all.

I’ve seen the social media prophets and religious crazies blame it on everything from lesbians to liberalism, from planetary influences to the beginnings of the End Times.

The virology-experts on Facebook blame it on everything from a false-flag operation ushering in the New World Order, a deliberate viral release by Bill Gates to bring about world mass depopulation to a commercial release by a PhiCorp type organisation that has an expensive stockpiled vaccine ready to sell.

Other Facebook experts in virology tell us that either: 1. it’s over overrated and there isn’t anything to worry about but “all this over-reaction is very suspicious,” or 2. it’s all being underplayed and millions of people are dying and it’s all being covered up.

“CORONAVIRUS HOAX: Fake Virus Pandemic Fabricated to Cover-Up Global Outbreak of 5G Syndrome.”

But we can all be very grateful to the legions of life coaches and NLP practitioners amongst the other alphabet experts. The Indians may be drinking cow-piss, but these arseholes expect us to swallow their bullshit.

Over in London, we have a New Code NLP Master trainer telling us he can install an unconscious virus filter to prevent COVID infection. I did have the screenshot and quote here, but he sent me a legal letter threatening me with litigation for “plagiarism” for using the quote (yup, seriously) and “copyright theft” (yup, seriously) and “defamation” (yup). Given the poor use of legal terms and appalling grammar, I think he wrote the letter himself.

Yep. A virus filter. In your unconscious mind. Created by the magic of New Code NLP.

Remember this before you book on your next New Code NLP training course, it might save your life.

Given the inevitable global economic recession that is looming, we also have life coaches offering their services to save the economy. As experts in absolutely-fucking-everything life coaches are here to save the day. They can help you adapt to the current crisis, help you with your anxiety, solve your business woes and help you to be successful despite actual reality.

With numerous life coaches rewriting their websites and social media posts to cash in, we see self-aggrandizement of their own accomplishments and contributions to humanity…. by charging people hundreds of pounds for a chat on the telephone, they are the self-appointed heroes of the apocalypse. What these fuckwits have not done, and are unlikely to ever do, is to volunteer in-person at the local hospital or neighbourhood committee, or even do the shopping for their elderly neighbours.

If they do, you can be damned sure they will have a photo and a Facebook post about it to gather those virtue points. Like all good narcissists, no good deed goes without the requisite publicity opportunity. The fuckers never do anything for other people unless it benefits themselves in some way.

We also have those life-coaches-cum-success-guru scumbuckets who are always looking for the next opportunity to create yet another marketing funnel of the next generation of naive or gullible hopefuls expecting to make it rich on the life coaching circuit. And, ladies and gentleman, I present you the wonderful, the amazing, the once in a lifetime opportunity that is Coronavirus. Rather than type it out, I’ll just add the screenshot:

If you want to ruin 20 minutes of your life and watch the video, I’ve left the URL in the image above. I don’t want to post the link and inadvertently facilitate this scumbucket coach’s SEO efforts. I put this on Facebook the other day which caused a bit of a stir. It didn’t take long for the post to be removed for reasons I’ve not been told.

Meanwhile, there is another growing trend. The Facebook “spiritual advisor” and “healer” who is working hard to heal the planet. Other buzz-terms to watch for: warrior, warrior-woman, free-spirit, thought-leader, visionary, international-[something], influencer.

A colleague sent me a video of one of these pricks (a meditation teacher, a member of a wide category also known as “sex pests”) filming on his phone and telling his 43 followers how he and his secret group of enlightened beings are sending out energies into the universe. He was quite coy about saying this and then told us how he was not able to tell us any more because it was, well, secret. He then spends the next 20 self-indulgent minutes telling us all about it.

Like every other parasite of his narcissistic ilk, he is doing absolutely nothing yet crediting himself with literally saving the world.

Youtube is awash with Tappers, millions of them, tapping for coronavirus. Most are merely offering tapping to help with the anxiety caused by the coronavirus (where and who are all these anxious people? I’m not seeing any) but many are also going into how tapping will strengthen the immune system and therefore help protect you from the ‘Rona.

Here is my favourite:

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If you have any others, do please share them in the comment section below.

There’s this popular notion that if you don’t get anxious then you won’t get sick. It’s almost as if anxious people or those who have negative thoughts are the only ones who ever get ill. Cancer? Negative thoughts. Scurvy? Negative thoughts! Kidney failure? Negative thoughts!! Chlamydia? Negative thoughts! The ‘Rona? Definitely negative thoughts!!!

Tap away those negative thoughts and don’t ever get ill. Never have I wished an infectious disease upon some people as much as I hope these asswipes get corona.

Oh…hang on. I nearly forgot. Then there are the “big names.” Here’s my favourite:

‘The conclusion is clear: The fear of the coronavirus is more deadly than the virus itself!’ Dr. Bruce Lipton

I’ll sign off with a video of people dying from fear and limiting beliefs. I doubt we will see our good Dr Lipton in an ICU anytime time, but maybe we can hope.