i hate my job, i hate this town, i hate being surrounded by people i gotta be fake around all the time like there is so much fucking mental work happening and like when i slip up and try to explain to someone that they, as a cisheterononblackboyofcolor, should not say the n word or the f word bc there’s actually nothing cute about using a slur as a joke, i get pulled into trying to explain to a white boy that his entire grasp of reality is faulty because it is informed solely through the lenses of his whiteness and cisness and heteroness and ablebodiedness and smartness and etc etc etfuckingcetera. the mental work that is required to fix my face instantaneously everytime some white male thinks it’s cute or funny to use an “asian” accent, call me a chinadoll, tell me how blahblahblah asian, asian asian fuck you i can’t stand these people. the mental work that is required to keep smiling when this white girl comes into work fucking high and thinks it’s cute that she gets caught all the time smoking pot but since her brother and dad are on the force and she’s friends with all the pigs, she never has to worry about being arrested let alone you know beat or raped or murdered.

can we go back to the part of my life when i was surrounded by beautiful gracious wonderful loving people. where i was in mutually supportive and respectful and appreciative relationships with at least some of the people around me.

