For those of you who aren’t familiar with the multivolume medical journal worth of afflictions suffered by Donald Trump, one of his lesser-discussed ailments is his extreme aversion to animals. The only president since 1897 to live in the White House without a pet, Trump’s ex-wife Ivana wrote in her 2017 memoir that “Donald was not a dog fan,” and that her poodle, Chappy, who she forced Trump to cohabitate with, would “bark at him territorially” whenever he got near her closet. (Chappy, like many dogs, was apparently a great judge of character.) The president routinely denigrates ex-employees and other foes by comparing them to canines, tweeting that his enemies have “choked like a dog,” been “dumped like a dog,” been “fired like a dog,” and “kicked out of the ABC News debate like a dog” (dogs have famously had their contributor contracts terminated by ABC). He was also reportedly embarrassed by the fact that the Pence family brought their pets to live in the Naval Observatory, viewing such a thing as “low class.”

On the other hand, Trump is just as well known for (1) glomming onto accomplishments he was in no way responsible for, and (2) his affection for ruthless killing machines. Both of these things explain his recent, entirely-out-of-character obsession with Conan the military dog, who participated in the raid that killed Islamic State leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. Since October 28, the president has excitedly tweeted about the “wonderful dog” who did a “GREAT JOB” on behalf of the United States, and at one point shared a Photoshopped image of him awarding Conan the medal of honor and calling him an “AMERICAN HERO,” and excitedly hyped an official Conan visit to the White House that not even the president of Ukraine could score.

That visit happened today, and it went exactly as one would expect of a guy who is simultaneously known for his hatred of all living things and his compulsion for bragging about stuff he doesn‘t think he’s received enough credit for. Speaking to reporters gathered in the Rose Garden, Trump boasted of Conan’s accomplishments while avoiding touching, petting, or exhibiting any of the normal displays of affection humans are known to engage in around dogs. “The dog is incredible. Actually incredible,” Trump said. “We spent some good time with it. So brilliant and so smart.” He added that “Conan was very badly hurt as you know, and they thought maybe he was not going to recover. Recovered very quickly and has since gone on very important raids.” He subsequently described Conan using terms Don Jr. could only dream of hearing (“tough cookie,” “prime time,” “special,” “the ultimate everything”), and told the group “nobody is going to mess with him.”

Then, because he’s Trump, he “joked” about siccing Conan on a reporter known for asking tough questions, because he thinks the free press are scum, adding, “It’s trained that if you open your mouths you will be attacked. You ought to be very, very careful.”

Later, as the Trumps, Pence, Conan, and his handler headed back into the Oval Office, First Lady Melania Trump, who stood as far away Conan as humanly possible during the presser, was asked if she was interested in adopting the dog for her son Barron. Her response screamed dog lover:

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Rudy Giuliani should probably call his lawyer