birdbandit Fri 01-Dec-17 18:52:51

I'm still in it. H is on a purge phase after a really horrible binge period. We have been together nearly 20 years, married 11. I found out about the crossdressing 2 years ago.



I am not yet 40 and have been really defeated by this, only just beginning to get my mojo back.



He has crippled my confidence, classic abuser stuff of encouraging my isolation, I don't have a proper job and we have two kids.



One of the things that really makes me angry is that he has defamed me, told folk I was crazy, I had trust issues when I found condoms, that I was sexually deficient or having an affair. He has thrown me under the bus so often.



I am working hard at getting my health and career back on track, and then I will go.



I worry that he will abreact and be a dick financially.



At the moment he wants to pretend nothing has ever happened, but wants nothing to do with me sexually, and still guards his phone. He is away a lot so I suspect he keeps dressing outside of the Home.



At his worst he was trying to bully me into sleeping with randoms on the internet or from his approved list, so that he could dress up as a maid and serve us tea. When I told him no he threatened to kill himself.



Right now he appears normal, for want of a better word, but he is on an aggressive PR campaign to tie our friends to him, (and it is working) he is passive aggressively point scoring with the kids. I am just exhausted by his behaviour being on my mind all the time.