The Popcorn and Sausage Maker Posted by Moishe Callow on March 6, 2012 · 11 Comments

Tevye and Saarah love popcorn. They adore popcorn. They have an obsession with popcorn. If any sort of opportunity arises where popcorn might be an option, they will hound us to no end, their cries becoming ever louder and more urgent, until we either give in or… well that’s really the only option. If we’ve been somewhere in the past two years that they’ve obtained popcorn they WILL remember this fact and remind us the entire way there.

A prime example of this is a local hardware store, which perhaps, isn’t somewhere that you might expect to find warm, salty treats. I had a taste of it once, and it’s not even nice popcorn. It’s that terrible, eerily yellow, more salt than the Dead Sea, popcorn. The conversation on the drive over to the hardware store usually goes along the lines of Mama and I discussing the particular items that we need to pick-up.

“Well let’s see, we need some paint, and some caulk for the bathtub, and I really need to get some larger hex wrenches…” when suddenly, from the back seat comes the desperate plea of a four-year-old “AND POPCORN!!!”

Since Tevye has the memory of an elephant, and he never forgets anything(great for learning, terrible for parents), we’ve come to expect him remembering such obscure events.

He’s also watched us make popcorn on numerous occasions, and since his memory is so darn good, his method of pretending to make popcorn seems rather peculiar. For years now, Tevye and Saarah will grab my hand with both of theirs, and start swinging it around in as big a circle as they can manage with their tiny arms. A few rotations into this, they will exclaim that I’m a popcorn maker and they’re making popcorn. This particular practice started when Tevye was two and a half, and hasn’t changed since.

I’ve tried to explain on numerous occasions that this activity, in absolutely no way, resembles the art of making popcorn. Of course, I have no say in the matter. I can talk ’till I’m blue in the face, but they have no intention of changing their methods for popcorn-production, nor will they cease when I’ve had enough of the game(how come when it comes to games played with children, they’re the only ones who participate? Even if I want nothing to do with it, they will still, presumably using Jedi mind tricks, end up playing whichever particular game they want. Also, why is it that when I try and grab their arms and do the same thing, I get yelled at? It’s not fair).

The other day I realized that their popcorn-making methods were actually much closer to utilizing a meat grinder. Of course, what better purpose is there for using a meat grinder, than for making sausages? If you think about the act of making sausages, then you inevitably think of Kramer and Newman, listening to “Manana” by Jackie Davis, cranking out some delicious sausages in Jerry’s apartment.

Since I had that realization, I’ve been sure to put that song on(found here), and convince them that we should be making sausages, instead of Popcorn. While they still enjoy “making popcorn”, they’re equally excited to switch to sausages.