On your first date she tells you her birthday isn’t until October, and you rejoice. She’s smart and cute and her face smells like bread, and you have a whole ten months until you have to buy her a birthday present. You sail through dates two and three worry-free, but then it’s date four and Christmas is two days away. Right in the middle of cuffing season, Christmas is basically an etiquette nightmare for the just-started-dating crowd. What if she gets you a nice, thoughtful gift and you have nothing for her? What if you get her something a little too thoughtful and scare her?

Fortunately you have a pretty easy one going in, because women love presents. We love presents on Christmas, we love presents on our birthdays, we love presents on your birthday—we love presents on any day. If you’re sure a lady is The One and you want to see her again, always default to a lavish gift. Or, use this guide:

If you're on...

Date 1

Say “Merry Christmas” while you pick up the check after drinks. Nothing further is required of you at this time.

Date 2

Say “Merry Christmas” while you pick up the check after dinner.

Date 3

She’s not expecting a gift, but you two have had two greats dates and you’re sure she’s your Tinder dream queen: you want to do something to lock in a third date. Buy her some Christmassy-looking flowers. Look for a bouquet with some holly or red berries shoved in there. (Just don’t get her a poinsettia—they’re mom flowers, they look super cheap, and they’re toxic to pets.) Pick a place near where she lives and offer to meet her at home beforehand, so she doesn’t have to carry those fuckers around all night.

Date 4

Take her to one of those twinkly cozy holiday markets where all you do is eat and jostle people in lederhosenan. Buy her a small overpriced tchotchke (snow globe!) that will be satisfying to smash when you two break up.

Date 5

By now you probably know where she works. Arrange for a sharable food item delivered to her desk. (Don't deliver it yourself; that's creepy.) She’ll love it because sharing with colleagues is a nice way to humble-boast about her thoughtful new guy, and you’ll love it because all her gossipy coworkers will forever remember you as “the guy who sent that delicious baked good that one time.” Send her something from Dean & DeLuca (these snowflake cupcakes are pretty and pricey) or send her my preferred romantic currency, the Christmas kringle. O&H Danish Bakery ships kringles within two days. The pecan is a definite panty peeler, but they have about 9,000 flavors.

Date 6 and beyond

Sorry yotch, from here on out you have to give her something tailored to her, that goes beyond the realm of the symbolic. We have some suggestions.