My life in sex: the man who left his wife for his dominatrix

I first had sadomasochistic fantasies when I was seven. The girls in my class played a game where they “imprisoned” the boys; I always let them catch me.

I started visiting dominatrixes at 24, hiding this from my girlfriend. She found out after we married and did what she could to fulfil my fantasies, but her heart wasn’t in it. She couldn’t stand the sight of her strong, successful man wanting to be abused and dominated. So I kept seeing professionals.

In 2011, I visited a gorgeous new dominatrix, with mesmerising green eyes. I fell instantly in love. For years, I went to sleep every night fantasising about her. In 2013, we spent a week in Sweden and decided we wanted to be together. We were both married with two children.

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In 2014, we left our families and moved in together. It was horrific and extraordinarily expensive. My ex-wife told all my friends and family what had happened. I lost my job and I am alienated permanently from my family and most of my friends.

I like to participate in scenarios with my girlfriend’s clients. She has shown me the magic of cross-dressing and spending months in chastity. I have endured unimaginable pain and experienced pleasure I never dared hope for.

We are respected members of the local BDSM community, which is no more a “lifestyle” than being gay is. You are born with it or you are not. I hope we can begin to accept this fact so that people don’t make the mistake I did: marrying someone who would not, and could not, respect such needs.

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