The US election explained using Harry Potter The battle for the new Hogwarts headmaster is raging. What started off with a few sparks being shot out of […]

The battle for the new Hogwarts headmaster is raging. What started off with a few sparks being shot out of wands has descended into a full on wizarding duel, complete with green smoke, shattered mirrors and unforgivable curses.

Who will succeed Professor Obama-ledore to the circular office? Which, if any, of the candidates will “episkey” the fissures of hate, fear and paranoia that have formed in the bedrock of the famous school for witchcraft and wizardry?

Here, to help you help you cast an “alohomora” charm on the door of the US election is a view of proceedings via characters from the Harry Potter universe.

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Dolores Umbridge versus Severus Snape

They are two of the most unpopular candidates in modern American history. Both are guilty of dungslinging, character assassination and have had their personal morality questioned.

Donald Trumpbridge

Even if the internet hadn’t already compared Republican hopeful Donald Trump to Dolores Umbridge it would have been impossible not to reach the same conclusion (never mind that she dresses a little like his rival).

Umbridge presents herself as a kitten-loving, tweed-wearing auntie who says what she thinks, but beneath the cuddly exterior she’s got some very strong, and rather scary, opinions.

These include questioning whether “filthy half-breeds” should be allowed into Hogwarts (she’s no fan of half-giant Hagrid, or Centaur teacher Firenze) and an unhealthy interest in her pure-blood lineage.

The Professor goes to some lengths to weed out “Mudblood” students. She would doubtless be keen to build a large, impenetrable protective wall around the castle.

Trump said in June that Mexico brought “drugs and rapists” into the USA. He has since vowed to build an “impenetrable, physical, tall, powerful, beautiful, southern border wall” stretching 1,000 miles.

Umbridge had a long career outside of Hogwarts before being parachuted, with the help of influential politicians (namely Cornelius Fudge), into a position of authority within the school.

Some have questioned whether she even wanted to be a teacher, given her dislike of children, wondering if perhaps it was all just a power play.

Michael Moore said in August that Trump “only ran for president as a negotiating tactic for his TV work and has been ‘surprised’ by his own success”.

Umbridge is also pretty keen on enhanced interrogation. During her time as High Inquisitor of Hogwarts, she tortured students like Harry, making them write “I must not tell lies” in their own blood and even advocated the use of the Cruciatus curse on students.

“Naughty children deserve to be punished,” she said.

Trump said at a press conference in July: “I am a person that believes in enhanced interrogation. And by the way, it works.”

Oh, and it’s fair to note that Umbridge shares Trump’s passion for bouffant hair, whatever dark magic might hold it in place.

Snivelly Clinton

Like Professor Snape, who has held positions as Potions Master and Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts for more than three decades, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton is such a familiar, known-quantity that popularity isn’t guaranteed.

Despite Snape’s experience he is perceived, even by his allies, as a double crosser – never mind the strong and continuous endorsement of Professor Obama-ledore. He is slippery – perhaps it is the plainly exhibited ambition that he wears on the sleeve of his robes. He’s certainly changed sides a few times…

Clinton has 30 years experience in government. She was Secretary of State under Obama from 2009-13. She was US senator from New York (2001-2009) and First Lady 1993-2001 when her husband Bill was president.

Snape’s misspent youth mixed up in the Dark Arts has haunted him for much of his career. Why else would Professor Obama-ledore have prevented him from teaching the subject for so long?

But, as the wizarding world eventually discovers, the accusations of corruption, of serving an evil power greater than himself, are unfounded. But thanks to his once close association with He Who Must Not Be Named the whispers, the smoke that is apparently without fire, lingers on.

The furore over Clinton’s private email server has rattled on since 2015. The FBI last week revealed it is reopening its investigation into the email address she used for both personal and work-related communications for four years when she was in office. She didn’t use a state.gov email account. It is a grey area as to whether she broke the law – but she has been roundly criticised for leaving herself open to hackers and foreign intelligence services. The FBI announced at the end of October that it had discovered new emails “in connection with an unrelated case… that appear to be pertinent to the investigation”.

Snape might not be the friendliest of teachers. His sharp-eyes, no-nonsense approach and unwillingness to let anyone else’s standards fall below his own extremely high ones, don’t win him many allies. He is feared and hated by most students other than those in Slytherin House, whom he favours.

This lack of likability has plagued him his whole life. As a young student he was teased by James Potter and his gang of Marauders. Nicknamed “Snivellus”, he spent rather too much time down in the Dungeons perfecting his potions than out in the castle grounds with his fellow students.

Clinton was asked in a 2008 debate to explain why people liked Barack Obama better than they liked her. “That really hurts my feelings,” she said, to laughs from the audience – before being interrupted by the infamous Obama remark: “You’re likable enough, Hillary.”

One of the reasons people find it hard to relate to Snape is his inscrutability. He’s an accomplished Legilimens (meaning he can close himself to mind-readers, allowing him to double-cross Voldemort undetected). But his enigmatic personality and lack of emotion can be off-putting. It makes people wonder what he’s hiding.

The Clinton campaign is worried about Hillary’s lack of “emotional connection” to everyday Americans, according to an email released by Wikileaks. Democratic strategist Steve Hildebrand told Clinton Campaign Chairman John Podesta that Hillary must “find an emotional connection to regular Americans”.

It is Slytherin versus “Slytherin”

There might be four school houses at Hogwarts, but everyone knows that the annual House Cup is only ever really between Slytherin and Gryffindor.

Slytherin is the Republican party, with its emphasis on wealth, heritage and self-interest. The Democrats are Gryffindor – left-leaning, rule-breaking and interested in the Greater Good.

Both see ill in the other; yet there are traits to be admired in each. As Harry Potter knows, a wizard might choose his own path

Voldemort’s followers, the Death Eaters, were almost exclusively graduates from Slytherin House. You might compare them to the Tea Party, a more libertarian, ultra-conservative kind of Republican. Not too dissimilar from Ukip over here.

Many Republicans have denounced Trump in the wake of derogatory comments he has made about women. Colin Powell, a Republican grandee, has even come out in support of Clinton.

While the Order of the Phoenix might be interpreted as the leftier, more Obama-ledore, echelons of the Democratic party. Flawed, sometimes toothless, but progressive and idealistic.

In this contest we’ve got a Slytherin candidate (Trump) versus a Gryffindor-masquerading-as-Slytherin (Clinton).

You can imagine Trump and Voldemort torturing Muggles together over a Butterbeer. Or Clinton feeling disposed to use Ministry-banned Time-Turners for important, covert personal reasons.

Dementors

Can you feel the freezing mist of hopelessness? These are the spectres of electoral despair: the soul-sucking, eyeless Dementors who make us feel like nothing we do can lift the sadness.

Why even bother? Why vote. It’ll all descend into a vortex of dark magic whatever happens.

These hooded creatures, the wardens of the wizarding prison Azkaban, have been hovering for months, but in recent weeks they’ve descended to walk among us.

They breed on fear and paranoia. Patronuses at the ready voters!