Oh Danny Boy!

Prime Minister Stephen Harper today made the following statement on the decision by Danny to step down as Premier of Newfoundland and Labrador:

“I am so screwing you now Atlantic Canada. With Danny Fucking Williams out of the picture I will ride you bare back until you beg for vaseline.

Danny was a tireless champion; hardly a day went by I didn’t think of how I could grind you to a pulp against that rock you call a province.

My pschologist says I have a deeply buried jealousy of you Danny. How come I can’t be such an asshole and be loved by the people too?

i hate you. I hate you so much. No Danny I love you. Come back. Don’t leave me to screw Atlantic Canada alone. It just won’t be so much fun.

No I hate you. You leave me with a decision to either give Atlantic Canada $300M to help it become energy independent (or dependent on N&L) and in doing so giving fucking Quebec the shaft, fucking Frogs, or I can reject Atlantic Canada, but in doing so play into the hands of the Bloc.

I hate you, you you, brilliant, tyrant. Some days I stand in front of the mirror and try to imitate your accent. But it’s just not working. The kids say I sound like a retarded monster.”

Click here to read the heavily edited final draft as published by the government