NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Calling it “an exciting new chapter in my amazing life,” Ivanka Trump has been named dean of the business school at the newly reconstituted Trump University.

“I’ve been incredibly blessed with stratospheric success as a businessperson,” Dean Trump said on Wednesday. “This is my chance to give something back, for only fifty thousand dollars in tuition and other fees.”

Trump said that students enrolling at the Trump University School of Business can look forward to gleaning wisdom not only from her but from another star faculty member, Jared Kushner.

“When it comes to business, Jared has been almost as incredible I have,” she said.

In online promotional materials for the school, Dean Trump promises “an unforgettable educational experience” for “students who want to learn business the Ivanka way.”

“Many people take years to get a business off the ground,” Dean Trump writes. “At the Trump University School of Business, I’ll show you how to open a business and close it down in four years flat.”