After much soul searching and resolute Christian prayer, the National Small Penis Association’s Executive Council has decided to endorse Donald Trump for President for 2016. While we are still grieving for Jeb! Bush’s defunct Presidential bid, we understand we must not waver in our efforts to take our country back and to bolster the self-esteem of White men who have small penises.

We will never forget for one moment the debt we will always owe Jeb! for his landmark role as Governor of Florida in introducing Stand Your Ground legislation to America, which emboldened insecure, small-penised WHITE men who are disappointed with the way their lives turned out to heedlessly initiate unwarranted confrontations with unarmed, young black men to show them who is boss! However, we realize it is time to move on, no matter how painful it may be to continue this journey without Jeb!, to sustain our fight.

After a thorough vetting of all the remaining candidates, we have selected Donald Trump as our new standard-bearer. Mr. Trump huuuuuugely captures the ethos of the National Small Penis Association and is the only man we feel who is capable of taking Jeb!’s place in our movement. Let’s make America great again and bring all small-penised WHITE men out of the shadows by placing pointlessly, excessively powerful firearms in their hands!