Wondering if (and when) you'll love your stepchildren or if they'll love you back can be awkward. But don't rush it. Thoele says, "We may grow to unconditionally love and support our stepchildren as well as our own, but a more realistic goal -- at least for the first few years -- is simply to befriend our stepkids. We can choose to befriend them and to act in loving ways, but experiencing the feelings of love itself is a mystery that's not ours to command or control." Decide how you want to refer to each other: stepdaughter or daughter, stepmother or mom? Will they call you by your first name, Mom, Dad or some special made-up nickname? It can be whatever the two of want it to be, ranging from more traditional parent to friend.