Say No To Protect Your Mental Health

Even if it means disappointing your own family and friends.

There was a time when I was young and naive in my tween and teenage years. I was afraid of saying no. I wanted people to love and accept me desperately. I was willing to please them. I was a people pleaser. I was soft in a weak way because I was afraid of saying no. I would say yes to things I was uncomfortable with.

My fear was that people would get angry at me if I said no. I didn’t deal with angry people at that time. It would make me uncomfortable and give me dissociative feelings.

Today I don’t care.

I learned that the more I said yes to people, the more miserable I felt. I became more depressed and sad. You start to regret saying yes for something you didn’t want to do. You will not regret saying no for something you’re uncomfortable with.

“I keep saying yes to people yet they still won’t be my friends.” — I thought. And I was right.

I neglected my own feelings to satisfy other people’s happiness. Even though they never cared about me and my feelings. I tried to fit into a group that was not my type of people. A group that wouldn’t allow me to be myself without being ridiculed at.

Saying no can change your life.

It’s OK to decline an event. It’s OK to remove toxic people from your life. They may shame you for it, but who cares? It’s not your job to make them happy.

There was a time when a toxic person continuously tried to get my attention like a baby. I rejected the person and the person didn’t accept the rejection and kept pushing on me and harassing until I sternly and boldly said “F. off”

The toxic person left and I felt relief. I felt happy. I felt good.

It felt good to say no. It felt good to protect my sanity from toxic people.

You don’t have to decline someone in a stern and bold way as I did. Because every situation is different. The best thing is to decline an offer or invitation politely. If the person keeps harassing you to say yes, then you have the right to raise your voice a little bit.

Ain’t it funny how hard it is to say one word?

It can be indeed hard to say no when you’re experiencing peer pressure and surrounded by many types of different people every day who influence you on a daily basis. Being around many people is a great challenge and practice for you to learn to say no.

Lady Gaga (a sweetheart) made an emotionally honest speech back in 2015 where she talked about being unhappy and losing passion as an artist because people used her and took advantage of her. This is what she said:

“It feels shallow. I have a lot more to offer than my image,” she said.

“So what did I do? I started to say ‘no’. I’m not taking that picture. I’m not going to that event. I’m not standing by that because that’s not what I stand for.”

“Slowly but surely, I remembered who I am. Then you go home and you look in the mirror and you’re like ‘Yes, I can go to bed with you every night. ’Cause that person? I know that person. That person has balls. That person has integrity. That person just doesn’t say yes.”

When you say no to people, it makes them think “Ah, she/he is assertive.”

You give people a signal that you’re a self-thinker with a brain. It gives you power to be in control of yourself.

Declining people‘s offer’ can be challenging in the beginning for those who are afraid of saying no. Practising one word becomes easier if you continuously practice saying no to people. Practice makes perfect. Keep saying no with a shaking voice until you can say no without shaking your voice.

You don’t owe people anything. You don’t owe people an explanation for why you say no.

People might think bad at you for saying no, but you can’t control how people think of you and it’s not your job to make people like you — It’s a hard job and not worth it.

The cost of saying yes and being a people pleaser is a detrimental effect on your mental health. Now there is a difference between saying yes as a people pleaser and saying yes to opportunities that are exciting for you. You can say yes to an amazing opportunity that you’ve been waiting for all your life and say no to an offer or invite you’re not comfortable with. It’s OK to be a little stubborn.

You may lose people who didn’t like you for saying no. And that’s alright. It’s good when bad people are out of your life for not respecting your decisions. Less bad people means less stress for your mental health.

Before giving an answer, think to yourself: “Does this feel right to me? Is this something I want to do? Do I want to attend that event? How would I feel if I said yes?”

You don’t need to feel guilty after saying yes. Instead, you should feel relieved and proud of saying no. Because saying no means you put your own need first before anything else.

Your mental health wants you to say no. Your soul wants to say no. Your instinct desperately doesn’t want to do something. Listen to your inner voice/instinct and what it tells you. Your inner voice and instinct never lie.

You are brave for saying no.