The new S60 is a manly phone, says its Chinese phone maker Doogee. It’s absolutely the manliest manly man phone ever created. I’m impressed because it’s a rugged hunk of metal that’s clearly made for doing manly things like having adventures and going outside and “working in the fields.” The body is strong and made of metal, and can “take care of itself” as you’d expect any self-respecting man to be (except for the metal part, unless you’re into that).

There’s a suite of apps collected into what the company calls a toolbox (toolboxes are obviously essential for any self-respecting man) that includes a protractor, “pic hanging,” a magnifier, and a compass for “exploring the fields,” the company says. It features a 5,580mAh battery, a 21 megapixel camera, and 2.5GHz of CPU. “THE BEAST CAME,” is how the company describes the phone. I’ll just leave that there and let it sink in.

Having said that, my initial reaction to this phone is “This is a very manly phone and seems to be great for using when you’re in the fields.” In this tweet promoting another phone, a man is seen gently holding and kissing a phone.

Whenever you're relaxing or working, BL7000 is there by your side. Photo offered by Actor from Movie Transformers. #BL7000 #Transformers pic.twitter.com/kqYATUmK5M — DOOGEE (@DOOGEE_official) September 19, 2017

The man is actually “Actor from Movie Transformers,” and I’m shrieking because he’s not in the fields.