sugarburger asked: hey so, I've been wondering something for a while now. My mother often laments her weight-- a fact I gently remind her that she shouldn't do. But a part of it is that she finds that her being overweight limits her mobility or wears on her joints. I'm just wondering what I should even say when she says these things. I love my mom and I want her to feel happy with herself, but I'm honestly not sure how untrue it is that your size can limit your range of mobility; so what do I say?

Fat lives differently, settles differently and frees or limits different bodies in different ways. If your mom finds that being fat is an impediment to something she wants (ie a different quality of life), then she may or may not want to do something about it.

Concern trolls are trolls and they’re easy to spot. That doesn’t mean when you truly love someone and you see them suffering that you don’t suffer as well. Of course you love her and you want her to be healthy mentally and physically, not just so she can be that for you but so she can feel good and enjoy her life.

However, the truth is, no matter how much you love someone or how biologically connected you are to them, their body only belongs to them.

I would ask her (if it hasn’t already come up) if she feels that her fat limits her mobility. Plenty of people may witness what they feel has to be a limitation on someone else but isn’t perceived as a limitation to that person themselves. The next step is, even if she does feel that it limits her mobility, she may choose to do nothing about it. While this may be hard to accept, it’s her body and not only should that truth be respected but no amount of badgering will make her body belong to someone else. So ask if she wants to do something about how her fat limits her mobility, if she agrees that it does. And then, if she does, ask her what she thinks would be the best things for her to assist in changing that. Brainstorm together without body-shaming (which it doesn’t sound like you would do). And then ask if there is anything you can do to help, if she would like help changing her present situation.

Ultimately, the important thing is to respect her autonomy, every step of the way. And if, at any time she seems to feel shamed or hurt or angry or flat out tells you to back off, back off.

I hope that helps. :)