Linda Harvey, the sweetheart of Mission America and pinup girl for nutburgers everywhere, thinks you are an empty water bottle, a zombie sucking the life force out of others or an apartment for rent. As with all things Harvey, it’s not quite clear which she was thinking of when she came up with her latest explanation for why she’s sure LGBT people are lower than dirt. And as an added bonus, she cites the experience of ex-gays as support for her (to put it generously) theory.

On her radio show, Harvey said that ex-gays tell her that “they’ve once felt empty.’ (Okay, we’re a water bottle.) That emptiness led them to want “to absorb the personality and identity of another person.” (Okay, we’re a zombie.) In fact, we’ll even suck the life personality (ahem) out of “someone of the same sex because the vacant feeling inside is so great.” Like an apartment for rent. It’s the trifecta of nonsensical imagery!

“When others seem to have meaning and purpose, the feelings of self-pity can be overwhelming,” Harvey insisted. The same could be said of when others seem to have a grasp on the English language.