The characteristics of gender identity do not always come in black and white

Two recent news items caught my attention although many readers would have glossed over them. Two men in their early twenties had taken the extreme step after having been bullied consistently for being ‘girlish’. One of them, appearing smart with a thin moustache, has written in his suicide note, “Everyone knows I’m a boy, but the way I walk, think, feel, talk... it’s like a girl. People living in India don’t like this.”

Mind you, he is not a transgender; he’s just a boy with some feminine temperamental attributes. Though suicide for any reason cannot be justified, it is particularly sad to note that a young man has been forced by society to lose his life for such a frivolous reason. He has been made to believe that being feminine is ignominious to him and his family. It seems that to stoke a man’s ego and pose an affront to him, the easiest and most powerful way is to call him a girl.

Society has been conditioned to think of gender in a classical binary way while life’s complexities throw us a wide mix of intermediate situations. “Nature loves variety. But it is the human mind that can’t handle it,” wrote a biologist. The world around us is full of diversity – ranging from differently coloured animals albeit of the same species, the blue sky with its fluffy clouds changing its hues and patterns like a screen saver, and the wide swathes of mountainous ranges. However, when it comes to gender identity, the human mind sees it only as male and female. Contradictory to popular belief, the human gender is completely male or female in less than 30% of normal people. The rest, forming a majority, represent a varying mix of male and female traits.

Recently I called one of my female colleagues on the phone, and a soft voice that I assumed to be of her daughter’s answered and said mom had gone out but would call me soon. When my friend called, I asked her at what stage of her education her daughter was. There was a moment of silence, and then she told me it was actually her son to whom I had spoken. She was worried: he had reached high school and though everything else appeared to be normal, his voice remained soft as that of a girl. I assured her it was normal; his voice would soon change.

Our perception of a person as a male or female comes through an assimilation of multiple factors including elements of the person’s external identity such as the hair, face, body habitus, voice and the genitals, and also personality and behavioural attributes. Though a wide set of physical characteristics has been categorised as masculine, such as facial hair, broad shoulders, muscular arms and legs, or feminine such as a broad haunch, shrill voice and breasts, more than 70% of normal males and females may be deficient in one or more of these. It is completely normal and physiological for females to have a brassy voice, a little excess of facial or body hair, a receding pate, broad jaws or shoulders, and well-endowed muscles in the legs or arms. Similarly, normal males can sometimes have more body fat in the haunch, excess breast tissue, a shrill voice, less facial or body hair and so on. The presence of these does not make them as less feminine or masculine and they should not be an object of ridicule.

Apart from physical traits, behavioural characteristics and responses to the environment and situation are also different in males and females. A sensitive heart, being empathetic and non-conflictive, having a talkative nature, paying attention to personal looks and attire, have all been considered feminine, while being aggressive, bold, adventurous, technically skilled, and having a care-free attitude are noted to be masculine. Here, it is imperative to understand that physically ‘complete’ men and women can possess some of the opposite gender’s behavioural traits, which can be a source of mockery and stereotyping among peers. How commonly have we seen our elders and teachers scolding a boy, “why are you crying like a girl?” or towards an athletic girl, “Why are you jumping around like a boy?” An attempt by these children to repress their natural instincts for the worry of being bullied could have significant psychological effects.

While a lot of education and sensitisation has been achieved to make society understand the needs, and the compassion essential for physically and mentally challenged people, ‘normal’ young adults with gender variations have never been understood and have always been an object of derision. It is high time this is discussed in schools and parental associations, that such variations are the rule rather than an anomaly. It should no more be pushed under the carpet as a taboo.

Society, and in particular the younger generation, need to be sensitised to the fact that gender identity is not in black and white, and rather all humans are just different shades of grey. A Greek-god like masculine man or a perfect damsel with jaw-dropping features who adorn the magazine covers and billboards may form less than 1%, while the rest majority are interesting mixes — men with some feminine traits and women with some masculine traits.

rishiortho@gmail.com