12/1/2019

If you've read my books or seen my act, chances are a lot of that inspiration was found here. It has everything and everyone I could want or need. It's my other home.



To write, you have to get away from your own stuff. Everything you own and everyone you know will become a distraction. You have to leave the house. I go to The Best Western Royal. If you stay there, you'll probably see me in front of my room smoking cigarettes like an Okie on a busted porch. I'll say hello and be polite.



Writing also means you need to moderate your drink. But you will definitely need to drink.



The Best Western Royal has the perfect lonely little bar that doesn't open until 5pm. This is important because I'd start drinking at whatever hour they cracked their doors. Perhaps they know this and are trying to keep me on the straight and narrow. Two for one drink tickets. Tell em you have four people in the room and they'll give you that many coupons. They also frequently have karaoke later in the night that gets me out of the bar. Also necessary to get work done.



The free breakfast is an actual breakfast at the perfect little diner. Full menu. From the perfect diner waitress, Burnelle. Or Burnie if you stay often enough. Tell em you have four people in the room and eat four breakfasts.



It's a non-smokers walking distance from the frivolity of 4th avenue and central enough to get anything delivered. Or you can get food at the bar. Tucson BLT. I forget to say "No Avocado" and then have to pick it off. Because avocado is gross. But you can give it to your friend who likes avocados. They are wrong, but sometimes we have to let people be wrong.



Direct TV in the rooms. None of that usual hotel garbage tv. I've left a million things behind only to have them returned to me at the beginning of my next visit, except folded. They print stuff for me because I am technically illiterate. Never a problem. Don't panic.



It's probably the only hotel in Tucson with endless, scorching-hot water. The suites have massive tubs. I'm not much for washing but sometimes its the only way to sober up to write.



Don at the front desk always greets me as "Doug" and Angela always says "Welcome back, Mr Stanhope." If you read this, just call me "stanhope" like everyone else. I'll bring you flowers regardless. Or, my personal assistant will. Go team.