Hold on, hold on

don’t be scared, you’ll never change what’s been and gone

May your smile shine on, don’t be scared

your destiny may keep you warm

‘Cause all of the stars have faded away

just try not to worry, you’ll see them someday

Take what you need, and be on your way

and stop crying your heart out…



– “Stop Crying Your Heart Out”, Leona Lewis

Shepard clipped down the last set of latches on her armor, then stepped back and held out her arms with derisive exaggeration. She had spent almost an hour buffing the scuffs and dents out of her armor with Zen-like concentration, and in the dim lights of her quarters it now seemed to glow with an inner light, every blip from the idle private terminals at her desk blinking off of it like sparks of fire.

“So? How do I look?”

Garrus smiled a little at the tone in her voice – half cheerful, half exasperated, all exhausted. Even with her armor freshly repaired and her hair brushed until it framed her face in smooth shining waves, he couldn’t help but see the dark circles beneath her eyes, how pale she looked, the way her hands had trembled as she wielded the polish.

“Like you haven’t slept in three weeks.”

She scowled at him, and when she spoke again her voice was more exasperated and less cheerful. “Vakarian, I’m going to give you a protip and tell you that when a human female asks you, ‘How do I look?’, honesty is completely optional.”

“In that case, you look amazing. Victorious. Uplifting. A paragon of loveliness and hope.”

“Thank you.” She sat down on the bed and rubbed her hands over her face.

Garrus started to walk over to her, trying to figure out what to say, but he was interrupted by a ping as someone requested entry. Garrus walked over and tapped the button, sliding the door open. Kaidan Alenko, outfitted for battle, managed a mild expression of surprise when he saw who was on the other side.



“Oh…Garrus. I didn’t know you were here, I just came by to deliver a message to Shepard. I didn’t mean to interrupt anything. I should go.”

“No worries, you’re not interrupting anything,” Shepard said, getting up off the bed to walk over to him. “I was just getting ready to dock with the Muzyka. He said he wanted to board and I can’t meet with the admiral of the Fifth Fleet looking like I rolled out of a rachni nest five minutes ago. Bad for morale. You wanted to talk to me about something?”

Kaidan snorted softly. “No offense ma’am, but I think propriety is going to be the last thing he or anyone else is worried about right now. The reason I came is that Liara sent me by to ask you to meet her in your quarters on third deck. Something about a project?”

The beacon. “Yeah, I know what she’s talking about. I’ll meet her.” She put a hand on his shoulder. “How are you holding up, Kaidan?”

“As well as can be expected, I guess. Still haven’t got any news from my family in Vancouver. You saw what it was like there, Shepard.”

“Don’t worry, Alenko,” Garrus said, putting his hand on Kaidan’s other shoulder. “You’ll hear from them.” They stayed that way for a moment, and Shepard reflected on how long she had known both of them, since the very beginning. She remembered when Kaidan was just a nervous first lieutenant with a crush, Garrus when he was nothing more than a naive young police officer tangled in red tape. We’re grown up now, she thought, the sentiment raising a strange, poignant mix of pride and sadness in her. Everything we’ve done has been leading up to this.

“The longer I live without hearing from them, the less I believe it,” Kaidan replied, his voice almost a whisper. “But thanks. Both of you.”

Garrus clapped his shoulder gruffly. “Yeah, well, what are friends for?”

Shepard let her hand fall away. “You better go check up on Joker and get an ETA on our meetup with the Fleets. I have to go check on Liara and make sure that everyone else is ready to go.”

“Aye aye, Commander.”

~~~

“You wanted to see me?”

Liara looked up from her desk when Garrus and Shepard walked into her office. Even under the circumstances, the archaeologist looked cool and elegant. She stood up to greet them. “Oh, Shepard. I was hoping you would have time to come down here before the Admiral boarded.”

“Yeah, Kaidan told me you needed me for a special ‘project’?” Shepard asked, with air quotes and a tired smile.

Liara smiled back, almost shy. “Yes, the beacon. I’ve already recorded everything that you’ve asked, and I know you said that you trusted me to make the call on your entry, but…I thought that you might want to record something personally. A final message, since we – you – might not get another chance. Is there anything you want to add? A speech for posterity?” Liara asked, a hopeful tone in her voice.

Garrus made an uneasy harrumphing sound, crossing his arms defensively over his breastplate. “I really don’t like this. It’s so morbid. Let’s save the eulogies for when we actually need them, shall we?”

Shepard glanced at him and put a hand on his arm, solemn and gentle. “Yeah, but if we don’t pull this thing off, there might not be anyone left to give a eulogy for us, Garrus.”

He softened, but his voice was still coarse when he answered, deadpan. “Inspiring. So what? You’re going to record it ahead of time? ‘I Shepard, galactic savior, do solemnly swear to bequeath my remains to Cerberus, my chess set to Samantha Traynor-‘”

“That’s a will, not a eulogy.”

“Whatever.”

“Garrus…” Liara said.

He looked away from them both. “Your call Shepard. But this is unlucky.”

“We don’t need luck, we have big guns. That’s what I brought you for.” She turned to Liara. “What do I need to do?”

“Hold on.” Liara retrieved the gray box from where she was storing it on a shelf and set it in the center of the desk, pulling up the virtual holographic interface to activate it. “Just…stand in front of the beam – or sit, whichever makes you more comfortable – and say whatever you want to say. I’ll edit and finalize it after you’re done. It shouldn’t take long, I can have it ready before we descend.” She moved out of the way, and held her hand out to Shepard.

Taking a deep breath, Shepard sat down at the chair in front of Liara’s desk, the light of the beacon giving her face a bluish cast. She closed her eyes for a moment, gathering her thoughts, and then she spoke.

“This is Commander Shepard of the SSV Normandy, and the date is September 21st, Common Era 2186. In a few hours, the united military forces of the Milky Way’s sentient races will launch an assault in the Sol system against the synthetic race known as the Reapers. This scourge has ravaged our collective homeworlds. For weeks the skylines of Earth, Thessia, and Palaven have burned. Millions have died while we tried to gather a fleet of ships large enough to deal with the Reaper threat. I would give anything to bring them back, but I can’t. Many have lost their lives in this conflict – organics and synthetics alike. Many more will before the day is done. …The last five years of my life have built up to this one final fight. We go into this battle with the bitter knowledge that is no guarantee of victory, and we’re not kidding ourselves – there never was. For tens of thousands of years, the civilizations that came before us have fallen to this harvest, over and over again. Even our best efforts could still be for nothing. But whatever happens, those that follow us will remember that on this day, we all stood together. Those who were once enemies, now allied against this one common foe which threatens to utterly destroy us. We’ve made mistakes along the way, but we’ve always done what we thought was best.”

Shepard stopped, swallowing hard. She continued, fighting to keep her voice even.

“On a more personal note, I never would have made it this far without the crew of the Normandy. Not just my crew, but my best friends. Without them, I wouldn’t just be some no-name trooper, I would be dead. So let the galaxy forever remember the names of those who always stood fast to protect it, risking their lives again and again – Dr. Liara T’soni, Dr. Mordin Solus, Garrus Vakarian, Spectre Kaidan Alenko, Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, Admiral Tali’Zorah nar Rayya vas Normandy, Urdnot Wrex, Urdnot Grunt, Jacob Taylor, Thane Krios, Justicar Samara, the geth unit known as Legion, Zaeed Massani, Kasumi Goto, Jack, Javik, N7 James Vega, Lieutenant Steve Cortez, Flight Lieutenant Joker Moreau, and Miranda Lawson, who not only saved my life but brought me back from the dead. There are so many more I could name, so many who have brought us to this point and have fallen before us, but I don’t have time for them all. Just know that each and every one of them has made this possible. They are the real heroes, not me. Remember them. …Shepard out.”

Shepard pressed the button to end the recording and looked up. Liara was staring at her, silent tears coursing down her azure cheeks. Garrus looked stricken.

“Good enough?”

“I…yes.”

Shepard stood up and embraced her tightly. “Please don’t cry. I just wanted to say thanks, Liara. For everything.” She gazed into Garrus’s face over Liara’s shoulder. “I meant it all.” She cleared her throat, drawing back. “Right, well…we better get a move on. Still have to check up on everyone. You gonna be okay?”

Liara wiped at her eyes, giving Shepard a shaky smile. “Yes. And we’re the ones who should be thanking you.”

Shepard waved her off. “Save it. Just buy me a drink when all of this is over. I’m sure as hell going to need one.”

“When this is all over, you’ll never have to buy a drink again,” Garrus said.

“Well I guess that’s true, one way or the other.” She started out of Liara’s office.

“Shepard?”

She turned back to Liara.

“Please be careful.”

Shepard smiled. “Not in my job description.”

Garrus followed her out. Once the door closed behind them, he spoke quietly. “Shepard, if you die after dragging me all over the goddamned galaxy, I will never forgive you. I took a missile to the face and still had the courtesy to survive.”

“Duly noted.”

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