Abedin walks ahead of Clinton following a private meeting with Sen. Elizabeth Warren, D-Mass., Friday, June 10, 2016, at Clinton’s home in Washington. Photo via AP

Here we are again, America, getting vigorously poked in the eye by Anthony Weiner’s hyperactive dick. But as the FBI investigates new emails found on his computer, a quick question: why were any of Huma Abedin’s emails on his computer?


Abedin has reportedly told investigators that she has no idea how “tens of thousands” of her emails ended up on a laptop the FBI seized from Weiner during a separate investigation into whether he sent pictures of his objectively terrible penis to a teen. Abedin previously gave the State Department access to emails from two laptops and a Blackberry, but she didn’t include that laptop, which she viewed as Weiner’s. Anonymous sources told both the Washington Post and CBS that she didn’t regularly use the computer that was seized and seemed “surprised” to find her emails on it.

There are, it seems, three options here: The first, that Abedin regularly used that computer and is lying about it or omitting that information. (And indeed, that she was comfortable sharing a computer with a man who seemingly viewed it as a magical box full of potential sexy DM partners.) Second, she could have occasionally used that computer and the emails ended up on it through the mysteries of the cloud. Or, you know, that she was married to a man with clear and demonstrated impulse-control issues, whose own dreams of power and influence were dashed by his stupid dick, and who found himself in intoxicating proximity to some very important information and, you know, maybe... snooped on his wife?


That’s all speculation, of course, but in any case, the New York Times reports that Democrats who previously avoided criticizing Weiner because of their respect for Abedin are now letting loose. Rev. Al Sharpton described him to the newspaper as “like a recurring nightmare,” adding, “It’s like one of those ‘Damien’ movies — it’s like every time you think he’s dead, he keeps coming again.” And well-regarded union leader Randi Weingarten went further, openly calling him a sexual predator:

Randi Weingarten, the president of the American Federation of Teachers and an influential Clinton supporter, said she had long held her tongue out of “enormous respect and love” for Ms. Abedin. But Ms. Weingarten said Mr. Weiner’s treatment of women demanded forceful censure. “I don’t care who it is, no one should be a sexual predator,” Ms. Weingarten said. “I think we all have to take a stand about that, and I think what’s happening now is that people are.”

An enthusiastic pervert and a potential election-ruiner: a hell of a combination. However, it’s not yet clear whether any of the emails came from Clinton, or whether Abedin’s emails were from the account she held on Clinton’s private email server. It’s also not clear whether the emails will have any legal significance, or whether FBI director James Comey fucked up huge by announcing the renewed investigation on the eve of the election. CNN reports that both the former chief White House ethics lawyer Richard W. Painter and Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid are suggesting Comey might have broken the Hatch Act, which prohibits government employees from using their positions to interfere with or affect the results of an election.