Let’s say the XYZ company is sending out a case-study survey to find out how their customers are using their product. They plan to write a case study based on this survey. Surprisingly, however, the response rate is rather low and the company wants to figure out why. So they decided to interview the customers to uncover what’s wrong with the survey.

Let’s take a look at one of those interviews. I’ve split it into three parts — each illustrating one sign that your ego might be getting in the way. I’ll start with an interview fragment, explain what is wrong and share advice on how to avoid such behavior

1st sign: You’re defending the solution

Here’s the first interview fragment:

Researcher:

What makes it difficult to fill in the case study survey? Customer:

Well, none of these are tough questions to answer, but we need to reach out to many departments to get the answers for you. Not every department sees the value in that. For example, the marketing department is saying: “Why should we spend time filling this out when it’s not going to help us get more prospects?” They want to know what return they’ll get for their effort. They understand that they will get a bit of press coverage and a few links but the case study you’re about to write is targeting a different audience than we’re selling to. It’s difficult to get on their priority list, then. Researcher:

Ok, I just want to make one thing clear. When you or the other departments fill out the survey, we’ll write the full-blown case study on your behalf. And also, before we publish it, we’ll circle back to your marketing department for a review. So we’ll put together a nice case study and all you need to do is to complete the survey. And review the story before publishing. I’d say we’re saving some time on your side as well.

What happened in this example? The customer explained why the marketing department is not seeing much of the value in filling in the survey. She was honest and this was a prime opportunity for a researcher to dig deeper into the conversation. But something else happened instead.

The researcher’s ego got hurt.

He took it personally, that someone is not seeing much value in the case study. As soon as he heard the feedback, it threw him off the track. He stopped listening to the customer and started to think of the argument to defend the solution. Why? Our ego wants us to look smart. Even more so, when we are involved in the solution. We don’t want to look dumb, presenting a dumb solution in front of our customers.

What can you do to avoid this? Don’t listen to your inner voice telling you: “Oh my, what will this customer think about me? She will think I’m stupid. I have to explain to her right now all the reasons why our solution is a good one.” Resist the urge to be a smarty pants. Otherwise, you lose a thread of conversation and waste time explaining. Instead, you should be listening and trying to understand the customer and their point of view.

If you let your ego dictate the course of an interview, you can fall into a vicious circle ego trap, just like it happened to our researcher.

Let’s take a look at how the interview continues:

2nd sign: You’re proposing a new solution

Researcher:

…so we’ll put together a nice case study and all you need to do is to complete the survey. And review the story before publishing. I’d say we’re saving some time on your side as well. Customer:

Yeah, you know and the other thing I can mention is that this thing has been on my whiteboard for a while and I wanted to get it erased. Researcher:

Hmm, do you think it would be better if we split the survey? We could split it into the technical part, the testimonial part, and the general part. Then, we would reach out to different people at your company who can fill this out. So you wouldn’t need to reach out to them across departments.

The customer sensed a defensive stance. So she offered more honesty in return — the case study wasn’t much of a priority for her either. She gave a researcher a second chance to talk about why they are not so excited to fill out the survey.

But the researcher stopped paying attention after the first answer already. And with a second honesty hit, his ego was screaming: “Dumb! Dumb! Think of something smart!” So the researcher continued showcasing his genius by proposing a solution.

It’s not always a bad idea to discuss a solution, but it’s an awful idea when:

It’s not the goal of the interview to validate a solution . The goal of this interview was to find out why customers don’t care about the survey. The interview was supposed to be about understanding the customer, not about nailing the solution.

. The goal of this interview was to find out why customers don’t care about the survey. The interview was supposed to be about understanding the customer, not about nailing the solution. You want to discuss a solution that you made up on the spot (and you didn’t have time to think it through)

on the spot (and you didn’t have time to think it through) You are proposing a solution to seek a pat on the back instead of seeking feedback. (the phrase “do you think it would be better” begs for positive response)

3rd sign: You’re confirming your solution

Let’s take a look at the third part of the interview and how our researcher found a confirmation of his beliefs:

Researcher:

…Hmm, do you think it would be better if we split the survey? … so you wouldn’t need to reach out to them across departments. Customer:

I think it’s a really good idea for future customers. The other thing is, you know, you are asking a lot of questions. When the other department does not have a relationship with you — as we do — there is still going to be that enticement, like “why do I have to fill that out”? So, I think you’re right in splitting it up for departments, as well as focusing on making it a maximum 2–3 questions per department. Researcher:

Yeah, it’s great to hear that. I’m seeing a pattern here. I asked the other customer similar questions before. They were worried about similar things as you. They were in a similar role as you and they said they would also need to reach out to other departments to get the answers…

Here, the researcher asked for approval of the half-baked on-the-spot solution. The customer had about 10 seconds to think about it. When she hadn’t found any major drawback in the idea, she patted him on the back. The researcher’s ego skyrocketed, whispering: “Finally! the customer does not think I’m dumb!”

On the surface, it may seem like a great achievement for the researcher. Not only did he come up with a solution, but he also got a stamp of approval on it. But here’s what’s more likely going on in reality. During the call, customers do not have much time to think about your solution. They may or may not give you actionable advice. And further, if they sense you’re looking for confirmation, they’ll play your game. They’ll praise your idea. It costs them nothing, as well as, they can avoid potential conflict.

Don’t ask about the opinions on your ideas. You’ll only end up feeding your ego. If you’re interested in how to validate a solution, I’ve shared a couple of resources at the end of the story.