Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Protector of the Seven Kingdoms, the Mother of Dragons, the Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, the Unburnt, the Breaker of Chains, Fucker of Nephews

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The only daughter of the Mad King Aerys II Targaryen, Daenerys lives in exile in Pentos with her brother, Viserys. After their dad was overthrown in Robert’s Rebellion, their older brother, Rhaegar, was killed along with his wife, Elia Martell, and his only two kids (oR sO We tHiNk!).

Viserys is pretty keen on getting that Iron Throne back for himself, so he marries off his younger sister to Khal Drogo of the Dothraki in exchange for using his horse army to retake Westeros. As a wedding gift, Dany receives petrified dragon eggs, rather than the traditional toaster. After enduring some truly horrific sexual violence — really, this show was pretty fucked up in its early seasons — she becomes pregnant. Drogo also slowly stops treating Dany like shit and, to prove that her offspring will be a strong Dothraki, she eats a horse heart. A drunk Viserys, mad at his lack of Westeros invasion, threatens Dany, prompting Drogo to kill him by pouring molten gold on his head. Fancy!

A thalassophobic Drogo (it means he’s afraid of the ocean! Look it up!) slowly comes around to the whole idea of retaking the Iron Throne for Dany and ransacks a village. When Dany objects (quite rightfully!) to the fucked-up way the Dothraki treat women, one of them fights Drogo, who ends up with a chest wound. Dany pleads with a captured woman to use magic to save him, but she fucks up the spell on purpose and he ends up in a vegetative state. Dany then goes into labor but the child is stillborn, as the magic lady used him to keep Drogo alive. Dany eventually smothers him with a pillow to end his suffering and then constructs a funeral pyre. But she also walks into the burning structure with her eggs and walks out unscathed with three actual motherfucking baby dragons. Yikes.

As the new leader of the Dothraki, Dany leads her khalasar through the desert, but it’s not much fun at all. Eventually, they end up in Qarth, an oasis populated by some weirdos including a bunch of warlocks. One of the weirdos, Xaro, offers to marry Dany and fund her return to Westeros using his 100% totally real, no foolin’ fortune, which is hidden behind a big safe door. With Xaro’s help, one of the warlocks, Pyat Pree, kills the other Qartheen leaders by magically duplicating himself into a small army of 13 and kidnaps Dany’s dragons. When Dany goes to retrieve her babies, she’s tested by a series of visions showing her on the Iron Throne and her late husband and baby alive and well. Nevertheless, she persists...by having her baby dragons burn Pree alive. She returns to Xaro’s house to steal his fortune but finds, shockingly, it’s not real. Instead, she locks him up in his empty vault with a servant girl who betrayed her. Grim.

Dany and her ever-growing dragons travel to the city of Astapor, home to a troop of 8,000 eunuch slave soldiers known as the Unsullied (plus a few thousand still training) who are available for purchase for the low, low price of one dragon. Dany survives an assassination attempt involving a scorpionlike creature thanks to a hooded stranger, who reveals himself to be Ser Barristan Selmy, the former lord commander of the Kingsguard who decided to go support someone less psychopathic after he was fired by Joffrey. Dany offers to sell her biggest dragon, Drogon, to purchase the Unsullied, but when the deal is done she reveals she speaks fluent Valyrian, so she totally knew all the rude shit the slavemaster was saying behind her back (surprise, bitch!). She then has the Unsullied kill all their masters and free the slaves before commanding Drogon to kill the slavemaster (surprise again, bitch!). With her new army, she marches along to Yunkai, determined to continue kicking ass and breaking chains, but the city is protected by some shady mercenaries called the Second Sons. One of them, Daario Naharis, has the hots for Dany, so he abandons the Second Sons and pledges loyalty to her instead. Joined by Grey Worm of the Unsullied and Jorah of the eternally pining, Daario sneaks into Yunkai through the back gate (lol) and Dany’s forces soon capture the city. To celebrate, she crowdsurfs on the newly freed people. Messed up.

Dany’s dragons have gone from scary big to SCARY big, and even Dany is getting worried. She and her crew head to Meereen to free everyone there because why not? Distracted in her new digs, she discovers the masters in Yunkai have reinstituted slavery and the situation in Astapor has also turned to shit. Worried she’ll never be able to rule Westeros if she can’t preside over these backwood towns, she decides to stay in Meeren to undergo Queen 101. After banging Daario, Dany sends him and Jorah back to Yunkai to threaten the slavemasters into subordination. But she discovers Jorah had been secretly sending information about her back to Westeros, so she orders him into exile. In even more bad news, Drogon has killed the daughter of a shepherd and disappeared. To avoid more dead shepherd children, Dany locks up the other two dragons in some catacombs. Sad.

Dany later goes to visit her chained-up dragons but, understandably, they want nothing to do with her. Meanwhile, a group of underground insurgents, the Sons of the Harpy, are going around Meereen causing trouble. When Ser Barristan is murdered by one of the insurgents, Dany rounds up a bunch of noblemen and feeds one of them to her chained-up dragons.

Regaining her senses, she agrees to their plea to reopen the fighting pits. One of the gladiators reveals himself to be Jorah Mormont, who brought a “I’m sorry I sold you out” gift in the form of Tyrion Lannister. She keeps Tyrion around, but once again tells Jorah to GTFO.

At the beginning of the gladiator Olympics, Jorah suddenly reappears and harpoons a Son of the Harpy who was about to stab Dany. And just when it seems all is lost, Drogon appears to burn a few assassins and Dany flies the hell outta there.

She soon finds herself back in Dothraki territory as a foreign khalasar encircles her. Welp.

With things not looking too good for old Dany, she manages to avoid becoming a sex slave by revealing herself as the widowed wife of Khal Drogo. Per Dothraki custom, she’s sent to live with the other widows in a depressing shack. Soon growing sick of that, she decides to take control of all the Dothraki by burning all of their leaders alive. Good plan! After she emerges, naked and unscathed, everyone bows to her. Quite right!

Jorah informs her he’s come down with a nasty case of Greyscale, so she welcomes him back before sending him off to get well. Meanwhile, a fleet of slaving ships are laying siege to Meereen — seriously, these guys don’t give up! — so Dany calls their leaders in for a meeting. She surprises them by, well, murdering them and having her dragons destroy much of the fleet while Daario and the Dothraki get rid of the last of those pesky Sons of the Harpy.

Dany then meets with Theon and Yara Greyjoy, with whom she makes a pact to borrow some ships in exchange for defeating their uncle, Euron Greyjoy, and letting the Iron Islands be independent within Westeros. Dany also dumps Daario, telling him he needs to stay in charge in Meereen to keep the peace and allow her to be single and ready to mingle (i.e., marry) once she gets to Westeros. Tyrion, meanwhile, is appointed hand of the queen, and together with the rest of her motley crew she sails to Westeros. About time.

Arriving at her ancestral home, Dragonstone, Dany is keen to get down to the business of conquering the Seven Kingdoms. Melisandre turns up and says Dany may be connected to the “Prince That Was Promised” prophecy. Her translator, Missandei, helpfully explains “prince” is a gender-neutral term in ancient Valyrian — so forward-thinking! Melisandre also mentions that Jon Snow is connected to this, so an intrigued Dany has Tyrion invite him to Dragonstone, where she wrongfully assumes he’ll bend the knee. Instead, all he wants to do is talk about the undead. Boring!

Meanwhile, part of Dany’s fleet led by the Greyjoys and the Sand Snakes has been destroyed, killed, or captured by guyliner-fan Euron. The plan to take Casterly Rock also goes belly-up, and Dany’s ally, Olenna Tyrell, is forced to drink poison by Jaime Lannister at Highgarden.

Riding Drogon, Dany leads the Dothraki to destroy the Lannister army caravan, but Bronn manages to use a giant crossbow to injure the dragon. As Dany tries to help, she’s almost killed by Jaime until Drogon unleashes a burst of fire. Jaime and Bronn dive into the river to escape.

In the aftermath, Dany executes Randyll Tarly and his son Dickon (lol) when they refuse to bend the knee. After Jon and the cured Jorah head north of the Wall with a few others to capture a wight, Dany receives an urgent raven from rowing expert and Baratheon bastard Gendry begging for assistance.

Defying Tyrion’s advice that it’s too dangerous, she flies north to rescue the men just in time, but loses Viserion to a spear from the Night King, who subsequently turns the dragon into a zombie.

After Dany makes a dramatic arrival in King’s Landing on the back of a dragon, Cersei agrees to help defeat the White Walkers (oR dOeS ShE?!). Dany then celebrates back on the ship by having sex with Jon, who she doesn’t know is actually her nephew. Ew.