CHICAGO—Crestfallen at the realization that an eagerly anticipated interaction with a fellow sidewalk occupant would merely be a scripted discussion designed to raise awareness and possibly funds for social issues, local woman Taylor Whitlock reported Tuesday that the potential new friend walking towards her with an open air of greeting was merely yet another street canvasser. “Oh boy, could it really be that the beaming citizen making a beeline this way, smiling ear to ear, clipboard in tow, could be a new buddy for yours truly?” said Whitlock, mere moments before her good cheer was deflated by the stranger asking for her email to update her on events taking place in her area. “Maybe I can get a striking nylon jacket just like hers, and we can wear them as we go about town together. Finally, someone who isn’t afraid to reach out and take a chance on human contact! Such luck to be on this street corner at precisely the right time…Wait. Why is she talking to that other gentleman?” At press time, Whitlock had been brought low yet again upon realizing the man she believed would surely be her new boon companion was in fact homeless and asking for food.

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