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Lately, thereâs been a lot of questions about Jessica Simpsonâs weight gain. Questions like: Is she fat? How fat is she? How did she get so fat? And, wait, who's Jessica Simpson again?Â Well, you might remember her as the once svelte singer and actress whose songs you don't own and whose movies you havenât seen. But more likely, you remember Jessica Simpson only as that naughty, barely legal piece of eye candy you could convince to have sex with you by promising a brand new unicorn and/or Travis Tritt tickets. Well, times have changed and now everyoneâs talking about the new Jessica:

Yeah, but donât feel too bad. True, she may have been called fat by many different people, but hordes of utterly unimportant celebrities have also rallied to Jessicaâs defense and castigated the media for this name-calling. Over and over they plead their case: "Leave Jessica alone! What kind of message is this sending to young girls everywhere?â Well, I'd like to take this opportunity to answer that question: Itâs sending a wonderful message! Are you listening young ladies? The lesson is clear and true:

WHATEVER YOU DO, DONâT BE LIKE JESSICA SIMPSON!

Do you want to be ridiculed? Do you want to be unloved? Do you want to be mocked on the cover of national magazines? Perhaps, even by the