Chapter 1:I go to hogwarts

Authors note: Hi guys my names ben and i like to write as a hobby but i think arts are a stupid job and science is better. i'm an athiest (beacuse im not a dumb cristian0 and i don't like fairytales, so basically even though theres magic in this story i think it's dumb and not real. i also smoke weed alot and have an iq of 167 (i had it testd) so don't mess wit me or i will hack you!

My name is richard darwin-dawkins and im smoking week with mty freiend ben d. hes a cool guy and ill bet smarter than me but id never tell him that. hes also super funny and good looking lol well anyway there we are smoking weed talking about science and physics. i have a theory about quantum mechaics and general rlativity (authors note: yes i have this thery irl pm me if you want to hear but youd better have an iq over 130 to hear it XD) we were sitting there and then an owl flied in my window and gave me a scroll that said "Hello you guys youre in hogwarts now its a wizard school" so ben d.

was like "WHAT THE FUUUUCK DUDE, MAGIC ISN"T REAL THAT WAS ALSO MADE UP BY THOSE DUMBASS THEISTS!" but because im a skeptic and open minded (not like those sjws) we decided to go. we went to diagonal alley and bot stuff and i saw this guy with a scar on his head and a big guy. i thought he might have some form of gigantims or something else that makes people big. so we went in to the brick wall and i bougut a wand. (hah, i bot a hard stick, lol you know what else is a hard stickxd)

and there was this scar kid in there. so him and the big guy were playing with wands (lolxd) and then then the kid grabbed one that made sparks. my science mind thinks "hmm. maybe its quantum effects. this actually works with my theory"

and then the wand guy came over. he looked at me and gave me a wand (xdxdxd) and he said "this is the most powerful wand of all time. well, its tied with the wand i gave Ben.d. so, anyway, we went out and bought the rest of the stuff. then we went to platform nine and tried to figure out how to get through the scar kid and a redhead were there so we decided to talk to them.

"hi, what's your name?" i said to the scar kid "don't you fucking know who i am?" he said, confused but not mad "that's harry motherfucking potter!1!" said the ginger "he killed voldemor-he who must not be named" he said, catching himself "who?" i said, because i always love to learn new things, but its hard to find exiting things to learn because of my iq "he was like a bad wizard who killed alot of people" said the ginger "so like wizard hitler?" i say to him "yes" says harry "well, you know, if you go on /pol/ a bit, you learn that a lot of what hitler did was exagerated. /pol/ is a cool part of 4chan. my and my freinds go on it a bunch. its getting a bit worse because of the sjws, but yeah.

"ohh, ill have to check that out" says harry.

"yeah, i say. so, how do we get to the platform?"

"I dunno" says harry "theres no platform 93/4"

"wait." i say. i look at the wall between platform 9 and ten and, judging about 3/4, i run toward it. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING" says harry loudly, just before i run through the wall and see an old fashioned train. harry ron and ben follw after. End CH1