But we do want to understand it. They say you can learn everything about a people from their mythology and while this may not always be true, Japanese myths seem to explain a lot about the culture that coined the term "bukkake."

We are not here to condemn Japanese culture, with its terrifying game shows and tentacle rape. Who are we to judge?

5 The Myth of Spunk Island and the Poop Gods

What country has the honor to say that part of their homeland is basically godly spunk? Well, Japan does. The story of Japan's creation is the god Izanagi pushed his "jewel encrusted spear" into "the primal ooze of our planet" and, when pulling out, "spilled a salty substance" that created the Japanese island of Onogoro. If you can't spot the innuendo there, don't worry, it only gets less subtle from here.

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The story goes that when Izanagi finally decided to stop metaphorically "raping" the underage Earth below, he took his soon-to-be wife Izanami and descended on the huge island of dried ejaculate where they married and settled. After having sex on Spunk Island the woman gave birth to eight more Japanese islands.

Not too weird, right? Hang on:

Izanami continued to get pregnant and squeezed out more babies into the world. One of them was Homusubi (Kagututi), the incarnation of fire. A literal fireball. Learning first hand that fire is hot, Izanami suffered the worst burning sensation down there... and basically everywhere.

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Izanami and Izanagi, in a rare moment of not having weird, unbelievably painful sex.

Being horribly burned from the inside she suffered agony for a couple of days, losing complete control of her bodily functions (what kind of gods are they?), vomiting, urinating and shitting uncontrollably. Her dying spasms of bodily functions gave birth to new gods, a pair for each substance that flew out of her body:

The Vomit Gods:

Kanayamahiko

Kanayamahime

The Urine Gods:

Mitsuha no me

Wakumusubi

The Feces Gods:

Haniyasuhiko

Haniyasuhime



Probably didn't look anything like this.

So the next time you find yourself on the floor of the bathroom after a night of tacos and tequila, feel free to add these to the list of deities you will be praying to.