Press briefing room, Houston ISD headquarters, May 10, 2020.

“Thank you all for coming out this morning. As you know, the last few years have been challenging ones for our school district. Several years ago, we became aware that several of our campuses were named in honor of individuals whose pasts do not reflect the rich diversity and steadfast commitment to change that is the hallmark of today’s HISD. We immediately took steps to correct that failing.

“Transition has not been easy. Transition never is. The renaming process has in several cases proven problematic. You are all well aware of the challenges we’ve faced at our Lanier Middle School campus, but I think a brief overview would be helpful.

“Lanier was originally named for Sidney Lanier, a respected poet and former enlisted man in the Confederate Army. While HISD is firmly committed to poetry, indeed, to all the creative arts, Mr. Lanier’s affiliation with a failed southern republic is not in keeping with our districtwide commitment to excellence.

“In 2016, HISD Board voted to rename the campus Bob Lanier Middle School, to honor the former Houston mayor. This proved unpopular with several sectors of the community, who felt an avuncular white real estate mogul did not adequately represent the rich diversity of the student body. In 2017, the school was rebranded: The name remained Bob Lanier Middle, but now the honoree was Basketball Hall of Famer and former Detroit Piston Bob Lanier, who has no connection to Houston, but seems like a first-rate gentleman.

“Unfortunately, the board was unaware that basketball Bob Lanier played under the nickname 'Bullet Bob,' which violates the spirit, if not the letter, of our Safe Campuses initiative.

“In 2018, the Board settled on Hal Lanier Middle School, in recognition of the manifold contributions to our community made by the former Astros manager. Shortly afterward, a group calling itself Fair Play for Bob Knepper organized a successful boycott of HISD campuses, protesting Mr. Lanier’s handling of the Astros pitching staff during the 1986 National League playoffs.

“Our 2019 decision to eschew namesakes, officially renaming the campus The School Formerly Known As Lanier Middle, or simply, The School, proved disastrous, and the logo selected to replace the school name on stationery, building markers, and CD covers of the orchestra’s Winter Holiday Concert just confused everyone.

“Today, I am pleased to announce a solution to our naming crisis. HISD has teamed with Tabula Rasa Communications, an industry leader in electronic scholastic rebranding, to create an innovative, state-of-the-art approach to on-site branding.

“The team at Tabula Rasa — Chip, stand up for a second. Chip Rassmussen, everyone, the brains behind Tabula Rasa. Let’s give him a big hand! [Applause.] Chip and his staff have installed special holographic panels, thousands of them, in every classroom, office, gymnasium, corridor, and entryway in every school in the HISD system. Any place that a school name could appear, the Tabula Rasa folks have placed one of these panels.

“The panels are connected to servers, a unique server for each campus. Students, parents, and citizens living within each school’s boundaries have been supplied with a special PIN, which enables them to log onto their school’s server, and vote for what their school should be named. The servers are constantly tabulating votes and updating the winning name, which automatically appears on the holopanels on campus.

“The beauty of this system is its immediacy. And its inclusion. The people are living around the school are the ones making the choices. Each campus becomes a picture of who we are, and what we value. It’s the perfect synergy between technology and diversity, and inclusivity, and community involvement, and all that other terrific stuff that we’re so proud of.

“I think we have a question in the back. You’re asking about cost? How much did this all cost? I don’t have access to the precise numbers, but — Chip, correct me here if I’m off — I believe the number is in the $100 million range. Yes, that’s a lot. We’ve had to tighten our belts here at the district: Arts and music programs were all mothballed at the end of the 2018-19 school year, and we’re planning dramatic districtwide cutbacks in our English and mathematics departments in the 2020-21 school year. But isn’t knowing that every student is walking to class in a building whose name reflects everything he or she values, everything that’s important to his or her community, worth it? And some of these costs have been offset by the very generous support of a bevy of corporate sponsors. Thanks, guys! You’re the best!”

“We’re going to wrap things up with a little demonstration of the Tabula Rasa system in action. Chip, go ahead and log onto the site for the former Lanier Middle School. OK. The votes are being tabulated, and I am very pleased to inform you that, as of this moment, that campus is officially known as: “Brock Osweiler Sucks Middle School, Brought to You by Your Friends at Waste Management.”

“I won’t say it’s good. I won’t say it’s bad, either. It’s us, right here, right now. And that’s OK. And tomorrow, there is a very good chance it will change. Because forgetting what happened yesterday is the most Houston thing in the world.

“Thanks again for coming out.”

Cort McMurray is a Houston-area businessman and a frequent contributor to Gray Matters.

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