You meet more people if you are on TV.

Life is a euphemism for social climbing. There's no shame in deliberately scaling the social ladder. That's evolution. We are social animals, and we thrive in the company of others. Finding the best others we can is part of the natural-selection mechanism, and it's far safer than rock climbing. And getting to the top of society is like getting to the top of Mount Everest, except you can stay there, usually in comfort. It's an adventure. It's exciting, like sport. If you fail, you don't die; you simply relocate and start over.

We often hear the platitude of cynics, "It's not what you know but who you know." I get it, but it's a bit facile. It's what you know, who you know, and what you know about who you know and what who you know knows, too. Not to mention knowing what else and who else you ought to know. Is that clear?

We are all social climbers, whether we know it or not. It is possible to engage in this necessary activity with taste, discretion, and even ethics, as long as we are aware of what we're doing.

I remember, some years ago, I became enraged briefly with the professionally impertinent writer George Wayne, and he said with touching sincerity, "Don't be mad at me, Glenn. You are a very important rung on my ladder." I was totally disarmed. I couldn't punch him in the nose, because I was laughing too hard at the truth spoken so bluntly.

There is no shame in rising in the esteem of one's fellows (and of course of the ladies), so let's not be shy about social climbing. What we really mean to avoid is engaging in vulgar means to facilitate one's rise. Ideally a rise in society is a sort of feat of levitation. I like to think of social climbing as a profane analogue of the Rapture, when Jesus returns to scoop up his peeps. One day you may look for us and we'll be gone. Possibly to heaven, but even better to Mustique or the Hôtel du Cap.

One-upmanship

The term originated with a popular 1951 book by Stephen Potter that detailed methods of creative intimidation by which the apt pupil might ascend the social ladder, and this sportive approach to life is even more popular today, though rarely spoken of in such terms. The premise is that society is a sort of contest—what we might see today as a reality show—in which we are all contestants. We rise in society by outsmarting those at our present social level in order to rise to the next.

You could regard our personal social agendas as a form of warfare, but I prefer to think of them as a game. Rather than killing off my fellow contestants, I prefer to put them on "injured reserve." In this game of life, each encounter becomes a contest in which one may emerge triumphant. Or not. As in any protracted endeavor, you win some and you lose some, but hopefully in the end our no-holds-barred enthusiasm mediated by good sportsmanship will take us to our goal—whether it's fame and wealth or simply the esteem of others—by the most amusing means necessary.

"I played that course. With Ben Crenshaw."

"Oh, that's a great job. I just couldn't take the pay cut."

"Yes, she was Miss India, but I couldn't stand the way she talked to waiters."

Like that.

Socializing Is Work

I was rather young when I found myself in the entourage of Andy Warhol, then the most famous artist in America and my boss. He liked to drag along to parties a group of attractive young employees and hangers-on to make him seem younger and sexier and maybe give him someone to talk to as a fallback. When he turned to me at a party and said, "This is such hard work!" it struck a nerve. I had never thought of parties as work before; I have never thought of them as not work since. This is where you shine, where you put your best foot forward and catch new eyes. Successful partying will give you a chance to jump the queue, advance directly to Go, and collect $200.

It’s normal to like co-workers. Where else is a workaholic going to meet anyone? [With Madonna] Krause, Johansen It’s good to stay friends with exes. Grace and I are still pals. [With Grace Jones] Krause, Johansen

Since Parties Are Work, Take Them Seriously

It's okay to be the life of the party. It's okay to clear the dance floor with an amazing display of footwork with a sexpot partner; it is not okay to clear the floor by stumbling or projectile vomiting. One should never be visibly intoxicated at a party, just as one should never appear to be a wallflower. Get up and mix. Introduce yourself to the people you want to meet. It's okay to have a pocketful of business cards, but if you wind up giving one out at a non-biz event, write your mobile or personal number on it so you don't seem to be doing what you're actually doing.

Don't Underdress

It's better to be overdressed than underdressed. People will assume you are going to or coming from something better.

Don't Overstay

I like to go to parties early. That's often when the VIPs arrive for their brief appearance, and it's often the best time to get in a word with significant persons before they become insensible. If you stay too long, it will appear that you have nothing better to do. It's okay to make an appearance. The exception is at seated dinners. You can make an appearance at cocktails, but once you're seated, you're stuck. If you leave after the appetizer, you're leaving two people with only one person next to them. Bad form.

Be open to friendship with youngsters. Genius knows no generations. [With Basquiat] Bobby Grossman

What Are Friends (in the Age of Facebook)?

Ideally, a friend is someone you have actually met, someone you like and spend time with, although it is possible to establish a friendship through correspondence, particularly if one party is incarcerated. Traditionally, friendship required time; it demanded a certain intimacy that was not granted instantly. Today, however, thanks to the social networks' digital exploitation of loneliness, horniness, and ambition, it is now widely believed that it is possible for one's résumé or curriculum vitae to become friends with other people's résumés or curricula vitae. A friend is a person, not a set of data. Friend is best used as a noun, and the uptick in its use as a transitive verb is unfortunate and hopefully a fad. I do not wish to friend or be friended, although I don't mind the occasional befriending.

Friendship with Louts, Cads, and the Far Less Than Perfect

A young colleague asked me, "Well, what about being friends with a dick, an asshole, or a pompous bastard?" I was a bit puzzled by this at first, but I think that's because younger people tend to hang in a crowd, and there are those friends who sort of come along with the group. As we get older and more intolerant, we become more independent of the posse and demanding of friends. I have, over the years, maintained some surprisingly lengthy friendships with seriously flawed persons, but in the end they have to get with it or just git. Ask yourself, is he getting better or getting worse? If he's getting worse, cut him loose now; he's probably terminal. Then ask yourself, is this scumbag worth the effort? If, after careful consideration, the answer is yes, the next step begins—"Listen, you asshole"—and from there you begin to explain the ways of the world in plain language.

Never judge a person’s heart or soul by his clothes or act. [With Alice Cooper] Krause, Johansen Nobody ever buys the rich and famous drinks or dinner. They’ll notice. [With David Bowie] Krause, Johansen

Reaching Friend Capacity

When you've lived in New York as long as I have, you practically have to forget someone old to know someone new. There comes a point when one's social network is simply saturated. Usually it's not a matter of consciously dropping people; friendships tend to fall by the wayside when not maintained. And as life is change, sometimes a friend becomes irrelevant through no fault of his own. It's the old growing-apart syndrome. This is the natural order. Don't fight it. Embrace change. Retire the old address books.

Parties Are Society's Sacrament

When I was young, it was common for people to entertain friends at home, and this was known as a party. It is the perfect occasion for social levitation. On some occasions, a room or a club might even be hired to accommodate a crowd. But as I got older, I found that more and more a party was a business event that featured an open bar until a certain hour. This is not a party, but sometimes it's all we've got.