Bloomberg News has finally found a financial mistake even Michael Bloomberg couldn’t have recovered from: taking investment advice from right-wing market pundits.

Bloomberg calculated that investors who sat out the years-long bond rally since the Federal Reserve began easing in earnest to fight the 2008 financial meltdown have now lost $1 trillion, even though everyone from House Speaker John Boehner to hedge-fund honcho Paul Singer denounced the Fed’s policy as sure to spark inflation, even wreck the country’s economic future. Nearly six years later, with inflation still nil, it’s worth reminding investors that the same rogue’s gallery of economic thinkers has gotten just about every investment call wrong for years. And for the same reason: politics.

The point is: Don’t listen to people who tout investments based on their politics. It’s a sure sign they lack the dispassion needed to evaluate securities and make you money.

Obamacare. Gold. The stimulus. The stock market. Bitcoin. Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. The General Motors GM, -1.31% rescue, municipal bonds, the dollar, and, yes, even the Troubled Asset Relief Program, better known as the Wall Street bailouts of 2008. These 10 have but two things in common: In each case, an ideological network of investing pundits and economists predicted disaster for establishment institutions, taking their cues from conservative politicians. And they were wrong about all of them.

Bitcoin is down to $480 from $1,150 last fall. The dollar is worth almost 20% more, in euros, than before the financial crisis. U.S. stocks have nearly tripled since their 2009 low, which came exactly one business day after a Wall Street Journal op-ed by a top economic adviser to the first President Bush said “Obama’s radicalism is killing the Dow.’’

The lesson here isn’t “don’t listen to Republicans.” It’s “don’t listen to politicians, and investment advisers who think like them.” If you’re looking at anything besides the microeconomics of a business or a bond, you’re likely to screw up. The game’s hard enough already.

It’s true that there’s no comparable left-wing network of investment publishers, skilled or unskilled. I can’t recall Rachel Maddow or Michael Moore shilling for anything the way Glenn Beck pumped gold. (Lefties will occasionally boycott stocks for policy reasons, as they have with gun manufacturers, without making an investment case.) Gold, by the way, is down by a third since 2011. At the same time, stocks that benefitted from the stimulus have crushed the market, led by Tesla Motors TSLA, +4.42% . So have health-care stocks, riding Obamacare.

There’s clearly a network of conservative outlets whose view of investing is inextricable from their politics. Lou Dobbs spends his days presiding over “business” shows focused on Benghazi. Online outlets like Townhall.com Finance (telling you to avoid stocks of companies whose accident-prevention technologies that will “let the government drive your car one day”) or Agora’s Money Morning (which this week helpfully sent me a warning that a “CIA economist” was predicting a market meltdown that the Fed is hiding from us all) complete the picture.

You can’t make this stuff up. Gladly, for comedians, we don’t have to.

Their politicians are no better. Rick Perry — an actual, honest-to-God presidential contender — called the Fed treasonous in 2011. (At least he remembered the Fed’s name, which is more than he could do with the three Cabinet departments he wanted to eliminate.) Wall Street-bound ex-House Majority Leader Eric Cantor bought an ETF in 2009 to short Treasuries.

But Perry really smashed the unintentional-comedy scale with economic-development radio ads in six California markets last year, saying “I hear building a business in California is next to impossible.” He didn’t hear that from Elon Musk, who chose Nevada, not Texas, for Palo Alto-based Tesla’s Gigafactory. His withering assessment must have despaired Googlers, who’d thought people were protesting their commuter buses in San Francisco’s streets because they were rich.

Maybe they believed Perry in Iowa, and maybe that was his real point. After all, venture capitalists invested 11 times as much in California startups as Texas outfits last year, according to National Venture Capital Association data.

But voters are smarter than politicians think they are. And as investors, take your money way more seriously than politicians take you.