What do you know about sex? Surely there aren't many of you who would answer "nothing." Even if you're the most inexperienced or inept lover of all time (which we've been assured you are), you at least have some preconceived notions about sex based on the stories and anecdotes and stand-up comedy you've heard over the years.

But here's the thing -- even with all of that going for you, the real and correct answer is still probably "nothing." For instance, you probably think ...

Note: Sex is like a granola bar -- the weirder the flavor, the healthier it is for you, probably. Sex is also like Batman: Cracked knows everything there is to know about it, but we're always trying to learn more. And finally, sex is like this Cracked Classic: it's happening on your computer right now, and we promise not to tell anyone (also, make sure your computer is on mute, your boss is about to walk by). -Cracked