(It should be noted that, as with everything pertaining to Japan, what follows may not be safe for...for...look, it just may not be safe.)

Japan is to sanity what Australia is to life: You just don't go there if you want to keep it. But if you really want to gauge the madness of a culture, to weigh and categorize their collective instability, to measure exactly how long the rest of us have until they launch the war-galleys and come reaving our coastlines, you look to their music videos. Judging by Japan's offerings, we've got about sixteen hours before the world ends in a confusing explosion of dicks and blood. Here, it's better if I show you:

Spring Stranger

This video starts out normally, or at least Japan's approximation of normal - which is to say that amorphous white people-blobs are scaling a hot pink jungle full of fancy animals. That shit is mundane for Japan; that's like opening the video on a bunch of blank tax forms. But do not be mistaken, the stakes are going to escalate. It all starts about the time the camera breaks the treeline on MDMA Jungle and reveals that the whole thing has been hiding a gargantuan naked statue of a man. The nude giant is holding up a whole other world that is, in turn, made up entirely of smaller naked men.

I mean that literally: Naked men are like drywall here. They are building blocks. They are construction materials. There are naked men crank-starting other naked men, naked men formed into crude structures, a totem of naked men mounted into one another like homoerotic Lincoln Logs, naked man-mills spinning in the wind - as though an entire civilization was based on harnessing alternative energy with CGI boners. If you zoomed in to the molecular level on any one naked man in this universe, you would find he is comprised entirely of tinier, nakeder men orbiting one another.

Pictured: The molecular geometry of water.

But really, if any of this disturbs you, you only have yourself to blame: When something