A REMAINER is convinced Brexit will stop him having an amazing life in a different country even though he is extremely talentless.

Tom Booker, 28, has been boring friends and family with speeches about being robbed of the chance to get a top job in Europe, even though he only has three poor GCSEs and a D in A-level Film Studies.

Booker said: “Ending freedom of movement is an appalling attack on my right to have creepy fantasies about sitting in a sauna with attractive blonde Swedish ladies.

“If I moved to Sweden or Italy I’d definitely get an amazing job, unlike my current string of depressing temp roles. That’s just how it works. It’s automatic.

“But now leaving the EU has ruined my life. I’ll probably spend the next 40 years doing something pointless with Excel spreadsheets and there’s no one to blame except Brexiters.

“People have said you can still work in Europe but I don’t agree. Looks like I’ll never be able to experience that incredible challenge that would be loads of hassle and could easily go wrong.”

Booker’s mum Patricia said: “It’s a terrible shame Tom can’t get a job abroad learning new languages and skills and enriching himself in another culture.

“Because we’d really like to see the back of him.”