This week the White House posted a summary of the so-called President’s “accomplishments” during the first one hundred days of his administration. This was the administration’s attempt to burnish his hundred day record against a series of very aggressive promises that he made during the campaign despite the fact that the President himself now seems to feel it’s kind of a ridiculous standard.

No matter how much I accomplish during the ridiculous standard of the first 100 days, & it has been a lot (including S.C.), media will kill! — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) April 21, 2017



Got that? Promising stuff – super important. Actually being accountable for doing it? Ridiculous.

Anyhow, amongst the achievements the White House noted in its release is the fact that Mr. Trump has signed an unprecedented (unpresidented?) thirty Executive Orders. Why that’s huge! FDR – the originator of the whole hundred days thing – signed only nine. That wimp Obama signed a mere nineteen. Even Saint Ronald of Reagan signed fewer in his first three and a half months.

Wowza. That’s a bigly accomplishment right there. Terrific. Tremendous.

But wait a second…don’t Republicans hate Executive Orders? Aren’t Executive Orders supposed to be unconstitutional dictatorial decrees that are only slightly less offensive to democracy than unelected Tsars? Because I’m pretty sure the GOP was opposed to Executive Orders while Obama was signing them.

But, on the other hand, when you really think about it, the GOP never seemed to raise a ruckus about EOs when it was Clinton, the Bushes, Reagan, Carter or Nixon signing them. So…maybe it wasn’t the EOs that the GOP had a problem with at all.

Maybe it was more of a “signing Executive Orders while black” thing.

In addition to Trump’s prolific record on EOs, and the hilarious signing-ceremony meme it has created, the White House also touts the fact that the so-called President put his “Donnie T” on an incredible twenty-eight bills from Congress in the first one hundred days. And even more amazing, notes the White House, this heroic feat was achieved despite the “historic Democrat obstructionism” (yes, they really said this) of iron-clad Republican majorities in both houses of Congress.

A closer look at the twenty-eight bills he signed shows that five were routine pieces of legislation to appoint personnel, two put new names on Veteran Affairs clinics, one encourages people to fly a flag on National Vietnam War Veterans Day, another simply extends an Obama policy, and the remainder are mostly roll-backs of previous legislation meant to protect Americans from things like toxic effluents in rivers and streams, predatory lending practices and the like.

So, after all that legislation giving insiders cushy government jobs, naming buildings and polluting rivers, is America Great Again yet?

What happened to the legislation that Trump actually promised to pass? Towards the end of the campaign, Trump unveiled his Gingrichy “Contract with the American Voter” manifesto that he promised to carry out before the end of his first one hundred days as President. The Contract consisted of a thirty-eight-prong, mostly legislative, plan to “restore prosperity to our economy, security to our communities, and honesty to our government.”

So how’d he do?

Well, according to The Independent: “Mr Trump has fully achieved seven of his thirty-eight proposals. Others have been partially completed; some are impossible to quantify.”

7 of 38? Yikes. Unlike golf, the objective here is not a lower score, Donnie.

In short, given how much emphasis Trump the campaigner put on his first one hundred days in office, the results of that period appear to be seriously, maybe even embarrassingly, lacking. He has executed on the low hanging fruit of executive action and a handful routine, housekeeping bills , but his promised legislative agenda appears stalled, despite Republican majorities in both houses.

Apparently, as it turns out, Trump may not even be all that enthusiastic about the Contract with the American Voter anymore anyway. In interviews recently he demoted the Contract to merely a “concept” that “somebody put out there” (um, it was you, asshat). Trump allows that he agrees with it, sorta: “I’m mostly there on most items,” he explains.

But, recognizing that Donald Trump is a man who takes pride in (the appearance of) great accomplishment, maybe there are more significant, more remarkable, more noteworthy, more Trumpian achievements that he and his team have accomplished over the past one hundred days. Attainments that set the Trump Administration apart from all of the Presidential teams that came before it.

Here are a few things that will definitely remembered as part of the Trump Presidential legacy:

1. Most senior staff resignations or withdrawals in the first one hundred days (Flynn, Crowley, Pudzer, Bilden, Viola)

2. First administration in history to generate four major investigations in the first three months (House, Senate, FBI, Pentagon)

3. Most humiliating self-inflicted legislative failure on the number one priority of your party for the last 8 years. (Repeal & Replace Obamacare)

4. First President to play golf eighteen times in the first one hundred days of his Presidency.

5. First President to blow massive amounts of taxpayer money jetting almost every weekend to his private club in Florida while forcing his wife and kid to stay out of sight in a faraway city at massive taxpayer expense.

6. First President to risk a diplomatic incident by forcing foreign dignitaries to eat the food at the Mar-A-Lago restaurant.

7. First modern President too busy watching “Fox & Friends” to get up off his ass and visit a foreign country within the first one hundred days.

8. First President to appoint his daughter and her husband to official Senior Advisor roles within the Administration in apparent violation of anti-nepotism statutes.

9. Only modern President to continue to conduct personal business while living in the White House.

10. First President to completely outsource economic policy making of the United States to the altruistic do-gooders at Goldman Sachs after railing about Goldman’s influence during the campaign.

In short, President Donald J. Trump has forged a legacy for the ages. But it is not a legacy of transformational policy making and reaching out to to a divided nation. Instead, Trump has grounded his Administration around the concepts of personal greed, familial enrichment, incompetent buffoonery and unprecedented (unpresidented?) corruption.

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