In a few weeks, I will be leaving my career in academic research. The pleasure of contributing to scientific knowledge has disappeared and I am overworked and under-compensated with no semblance of a work-life balance. The cons of academia now far outweigh the pros, so I am walking away.

I am currently working as a postdoc, which is the purgatory between finishing a PhD and obtaining a long-term fellowship or permanent position. According to the 2013 Careers in research online survey (Cros), 77% of research staff are on temporary, fixed-term contracts, and 87% of these are for less than three years.

The expectation is that you move institutions after one or two contracts. I am currently working as a part of a large physics collaboration and am one-and-a-half years into my first postdoc. I will be told to leave and find another one in two years.

Prospects are poor

We put up with this in the hope that we will be rewarded with a permanent position at a university in a town or city we would actually like to live in. Unfortunately, as reported in Cros: "… it seems likely that the expectations of many respondents seeking a long-term career in higher education will not be fulfilled. It is unrealistic to expect that two thirds of current research staff, or even half of those in the early stage of their career, will be able to secure a long-term career in higher education, particularly in the UK."

Postdocs have unrealistic, 24/7 demands placed on us. Because competition for permanent positions is so fierce, the expectation is that we will do anything and everything to boost our career. Physics collaborations are becoming larger and more international, and this means a constant demand for activity throughout the day. Calls are arranged around working hours for the US and western Europe, but unless it is in the middle of the night, there is an expectation of attendance.

There is a non-stop barrage of emails throughout the night and weekend asking for work. For example, I will receive an email at 7pm asking for it to be taken care of by the end of the day. With the advent of email on mobiles, this expectation has only increased.

Holidays are frowned upon

It used to be that the perks of an academic career included flexitime and more holiday time than industry. These days more and more companies understand the benefits of allowing their employees flexitime, so it is becoming standard in industry.

While we might try to take holiday time as postdocs, it is frowned upon, as you are taking away from time that could be spent publishing papers. If you do go on holiday, there is an expectation that you are checking your emails and keeping in touch, because we are all competing for those holy permanent positions.

I have sat with a colleague on the verge of tears because they had to cancel a weekend away under pressure from their supervisor, who had expressed a desire that an experiment get checked over the weekend.

I never dreamed of becoming a professor; I simply love doing research and I always thought (naively) that after my PhD – during which I worked long hours, slept little and operated under unhealthy stress levels – I would be able to have a hobby again. I signed up for workshops and programmes to develop new, non-research, passions and loved every minute.

However, it quickly became apparent that this was unfeasible and I was putting my career and reputation at risk by not being able to meet, work or respond to emails during the courses I attended twice a week between 7pm and 9pm. I had to give them up after six months and it was extremely difficult, as they were something I truly enjoyed and looked forward to.

Goodbye to a permanent job

I have had to force myself to not look at emails throughout the night, mostly because it put great strain on my relationship to have to drop everything late at night to take care of an issue. If I was not able to take care of it, I would obsess over how I would deal with the fallout the next day.

Unfortunately, my decision to switch off was met with this exact statement: "Well, of course you are free to turn off your emails in the evening, but you can say goodbye to any permanent job if you choose to do so for the long term."

I am not oblivious to the fact that many jobs demand extensive travel, long hours, constant email and communication. However, are the low pay (relative to peers in industry), the short fixed-term contracts, the expectation that you constantly move universities and countries with no guarantee of a permanent position, worth it? Not for me.

This experience (and failed first attempt at a career) has taught me that I personally have to love what I do, and only then will I be happy to work hard and place high demands on myself.

Next month my partner and I will move somewhere we want to live, with the aim of living there for more than two-to-four years, and I will take my resumé to pubs and coffee shops. I just want to find a job now that will give me time to relax, focus on my hobbies and find what I want to do with the rest of my life, and I am actually looking forward to it.

Would you like to write for Academics Anonymous? Do you have an idea for a blog post about the trials, tribulations and frustrations of university life? Get in touch: claire.shaw@theguardian.com.

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