I am going to start putting together a list of things I wish someone had said to me when I found out my son was autistic.

I wish a wise old man who had gone down this path with an autistic child had told me a few things about parenting. Now I am neither wise nor old but I have been on this path for some time. If I met myself at 25 I would have broken down the following truths to him. (If you know someone who is raising a disabled child, the next few blogs may be interesting, if you think they could be of use please forward them on).

I found out my son was autistic when I was 25. It was not easy for me. My wife can tell you the stories, they are not flattering.

I did (and do) have a really hard time with my son’s condition. When his condition became obvious I felt like many of the dreams I had for him died.

Dreams of watching him play college sports, gone.

Dreams of watching him walk the line in high school and college, gone.

Dreams of him playing point guard for the Knick and me leaching off him, gone. (Tagging along on his jet, borrowing his convertible corvette stingray, front row seats next to Spike Lee, gone, gone and really gone.

Kübler-Ross said there are 5 stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.

That is not how it is for me.

For me it was more like:

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

More Anger

Depression

Little bit of Anger

Acceptance

Have your heard of Anger?

Then back to the beginning.

That is why I box (and the reason for the blog’s name).

Here are some things I wish someone had told me when I was 25 back in 1998 that might have helped sooth my anger.

First of all, sell everything and buy all the Apple stock you can, I know its at $3/share (split adjusted) and everyone says they are going to go bankrupt. Do like Forest Gump and invest in that fruit company, just do it. Which reminds me, also buy Nike stock.

Secondly, Everything in your life has just changed.

You may not feel the magnitude of how it has changed but oh, how it has changed. Remember how just having a regular kid changed everything? Well having an autistic kid has changed it again.

The life you thought you were going to have is gone. That is not all a bad thing. Life is unpredictable and not having an autistic kid is no guarantee that your life would turn out as planned but now it definitely won’t turn out as planned.

You can be a little sad about this if you want but don’t fight it. It won’t work. I am telling you from experience. Get your head around the fact that your kid is not being disabled to piss you off. They are, how they are and it is not a personal vendetta against you. Remember that changes in the plan are not always negative; some things can turn out better than you hoped.

For example me moved to NYC to get my autistic son into a great school that we thought would help him. You can resent the fact that you had to move. Sure we gave up owning an actual brick house to live in a tiny rented apartment. But living here in NYC we get to experience things I never imagined. I get to perform at actual comedy clubs, several nights a week; my daughter has joined the Museum of moving Image, she has been to MET numerous times, seen five Broadway shows. We have done countless fun things because we live here. We moved here cause we were trying to find better care for my son. Our “sacrifice” lead to us to some great things, like living in NYC, a place where people come to vacation.

That “sacrifice” paying off in some unexpected way will be repeated in many other parts of your life. (More on that in another blog).

Things have changed, many for the worse, a few for the better, but almost everything will be different.

And always remember: this too will pass.

Your kid will get better, or you will get used to it, or the apocalypse will happen.

Either way, smile, this won’t be forever.

Ps. had our third father son sporting even (i.e. bike ride) today: https://stoppingpuncheswithmyface.wordpress.com/2012/02/29/ride-forest-ride/

-Continued tomorrow-