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The local bride catcher, bachelorette parties, drag shows, military parking, the last straws, freedom of speech means freedom from consequences, Chris Chan goes kiss crazy, Layc’s ex-boyfriend stole money from her, a Trader Joe’s death trap, the parallel parking bet, Saudi Arabia’s emergency woman driver number, Brittany Venti gets strangled, Asterios, Swatting, and Maddox calls Mental Jess’ parents; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

The Asterios Showkkinos is back on! Forget about the garage tour, Asterios has upgraded his venue to Smith’s Old Bar in Atlanta, GA on August 3rd. Doors at 6, show at 7. Pick up tickets at patreon.com/asterios, and then come to Road Rage: Atlanta the following night at the Masquerade! The venue was sold out last week, but due to popular demand, they gave us the bigger room. Wow! Get tickets to Road Rage: Atlanta here! But first…

Freedom of speech means freedom from consequences. That’s the whole fucking point.

Otherwise, the it’s not free speech, it’s Rebate Speech. You say whatever you want: black joke, child molesting joke, joke about women, joke about rape, criticism of a political party, criticism of a company, mockery of a famous individual, reporting the dangerous and possibly illegal activities your company, reporting illegal or dishonest actions of a politician, calling God or Elon Musk a bitch; and then if you meet the strict criteria listed on the Free Speech* rebate form–for example, was the speech not too offensive, was the joke actually funny? Does it damage the reputation of the company you work for? Does it damage the bottom line of the company you work for? You can send in your original Tweet (not a photocopy–free speech rebates will not be processed with a photocopy), the intent of the speech (check either Joke or “Hadn’t grown as a person yet”), the UPC code of your joke, statements from all your family and loved ones, testimony of your kindness and goodness from at least three celebrities, and a picture of your dick, then allow 6-8 weeks for processing and if you’re lucky, you’ll still have a job, a house, and a way to feed your family. If not, don’t worry, fifty thousand slack-jawed, toadying parrots will screech at you until the end of time, “Freedom of speech doesn’t mean freedom from consequences.”

Yes it does.

I promised Hot Goss this week, but I did not deliver. Maddox has become too crazy. The stress of e-celebrity, the failure of multiple books, lawsuits, being out-of-place and a loser to his core in a town full of pretenders and the beautiful, generally failing to capitalize on the opportunities life presented to him under the guise of minimal merit, being called a **** and a ******. Maddox has become the nasty, gambling-addicted Midwestern troll who raised him and even with the loss of his DUI’ed-out lawyer and legally-restrained girlfriend, he persists in threatening jobs, threatening PPRs, and otherwise acting like an obsessive ex who’s only victories in life now and until the end will be costing people money. Otherwise, “Maddox” is dead. I need to think about it more before getting into it. See you guys in Atlanta!

“Mustard Chug-a-Lug feat. Todd Seidel (TDS Parody)” by Ethan Cantrell



“Miss Metal” by Savestate Corrupted who has a new album Amelia out today!



“Road Rage Mix” by the Cuck Sockers.



A thumbnail of Antifa justice by Cliff Campbell.



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