Cruz never mentions his own crime, saying in one of the letters that talking about it "would be a bad idea." But he does tell his female pen pal to listen to Pumped Up Kicks by the band Foster the People, a song about a school shooting that includes the lyrics "You'd better run, better run, outrun my gun. Better run, better run, faster than my bullet." Nikolas Cruz appears in court for a status hearing before Broward Circuit Judge Elizabeth Scherer in February 2018. Credit:AP Inexplicably, Cruz expresses hope he'll one day be released from jail and have a family. Yet he faces the death penalty, and his lawyers already have offered life in prison without a chance of parole. "I really want kids. I think of it all the time, you know the joy they bring," he writes. He said he would name his sons Kalashnikov, Makarov and Remington - all gun references - and "my wife can name the girls."

Cruz's letters are to a young woman in the United Kingdom named Miley, one of his cyber supporters, and her brother, Liam, and they are dated from mid-October 2018 to mid-November. A young woman named Miley helped form a Facebook group shortly after the shooting. It was called "The First Victim," referring to Cruz. Her last name is not shown in the letters. This photo posted on the Instagram account of Nikolas Cruz showed weapons lying on a bed. Credit:AP He says he isn't sure he wants to remain alive. "I wish life for me could have been different but it's not. And a part of me is wishing it ends. End with the death (penalty), letting someone inject me with longlast [sic] sleep. Its kind of what I want but I'm unsure of myself so I'm just leting [sic] people save me from myself, saving me from something that I can never return from." Cruz says he thinks death will be "forever darkness or a flash of light."

At the same time, Cruz muses about freedom, and a family. Students hold their hands in the air as they are evacuated by police from Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida. Credit:AP "Would you be OK with me getting a crossbow if I lived with you? It would only be used for sporting and hunting." Cruz's letters are rife with misspellings and childish drawings. A lifelong special education student, Cruz was thought to have autism. He also was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. In his letters, he said he wants Miley to attend his trial and suggests when she moves to Florida, she get a medical marijuana card and a concealed weapons license "cause it's dangerous hear."

Loading "I also was wondering if you'd be interested in marriage when the time's comes. It won't be for a long time, but would you be interested? I feel like we make a great family together. With lots of kids. I imagine it every day. That's what's keeping me strong." He said he really wants to have a girlfriend even if the person is "miles away." "I don't know what's wrong with me, maybe I should get the death penalty. IDK (I don't know), I just want love ... " "I hope you can understand it's because of my mother," he writes. "I feel like I'll never be loved and I'll die alone."

In a letter from November 1, 2018, he mentions the Pittsburgh shooting at the Tree of Life synagogue, where eight people died. Loading "I put my heart out to these victims and to the shooter because I believe they need all the support they can get," he says. Cruz talks about boredom, missing his mother and politics. Guns: Cruz said he's "a huge Second Amendment supporter even though I'm here in jail for being on the wrong side of the law. I still believe it's a special right to have and I try to encourage everyone including you to take part in it."

Holidays: The Fourth of July is his favourite holiday. "I love fireworks and the explosions. It's super fun." Loading Replay Replay video Play video Play video Halloween: "This will be the first year I won't go trick or treating, unfortunately." He said he dressed as a soldier last year, wearing body armor and a ballistic helmet. He took his dog Kobe with him. His mother was in the hospital. She died the next day. Politics: Cruz wrote several times about the elections and his hope that Republicans would win - specifically Governor Ron DeSantis and Senator Rick Scott. "I can't spell his name but I know he's Republican and I'm voting for him," he wrote about DeSantis. "I know if we get a Democratic governor he will take away our rights. ... Please pray that Ron wins."

"I really don't like liberals. I don't want them winning. They really are dangerous. They spread lies and are destroying America. We're going to one day be the weakest country with the highest crime rates." "Are you liberal or conservative? Let me know." Outlook: "What is your outlook on life?" he asked in one letter. "Mine is go live the best way you can. So please let me know. I really want to know all your dreams." Sport: "You're probably wondering what my favorite sport is, well it's hunting, and professional bull riding." Girls: "I also like girls with red hair and a positive outlook on life."

Colour: His favourite colour is "Army green and woodland camouflage." Jail life: He said life in jail is boring. "I watch TV and do homework." He said it's easy to gain weight. Guards pat him down every four hours. "What's your day like?" he asks. Homelessness: He said he liked helping the homeless and once gave a homeless man a cheeseburger and fries. Food: He mentions in several letters that he puts peanut butter and jelly on meatball subs. Immigrants: "I hear there's a reason why wear trying to stop immigration and that's (unreadable word). They attack people, destroy property's and spread diseas [sic]." He said he is waiting for the whole society to collapse "because of these issues."

Media: He asked if the news media in the United Kingdom is "like hear with a bunch of lies or are they honest?" Diploma: Cruz says he is working to get his high school equivalency, the GED. Emotions: "I've been dealing with my emotions heer [sic] in jail. Their is this one guard I don't like but I'm behaving to the best of my ability but I'm starting to (unreadable word). Do you know any way how I can deal with that so I don't get in trouble?" Glasses: He talks about having gained weight in jail and about getting new glasses that look like they're from the 1960s. "So don't laugh at them when you see me on TV," he writes. Cruz regales the girl he's never met with stories from his childhood, including a recent hunting trip with his friend, Hunter McCutcheon, during which he says he almost shot his friend's father.

"We were shooting bug nest with bird shot. It was a lot of fun until he handed me shotgun and I almost shot him! He told me not to shoot but I did and I almost hit him but thank God I didn't. He said to be more careful cause once I take a life there's nothing that can be undone. Hunter was mad at me to but he got over it." Cruz wrote that his attorneys said Miley would attend his trial. He goes on to say he's hungry and will be having a peanut butter sandwich. Cruz seemed to retain hope he'd get out of jail one day. "Since I am into your sister maybe we can go on a double date," he wrote to Miley's brother, Liam. In another, he talked about spending time in the Everglades.