Ballston Spa

Doug and Mary Lyall met as seventh-graders in Pittsfield, Mass.

They graduated high school together, started dating, got married and settled in Ballston Spa in Saratoga County, where both had roots. There, they raised three children.

On March 2, 1998, their youngest child, Suzanne, 19, was attending the University at Albany when she left a CDTA bus at Collins Circle at the uptown campus. She has never been seen again.

On Tuesday, Doug Lyall, 73, who along with his wife kept a never-ending vigil for Suzanne and became a voice for missing persons in the Capital Region and beyond, died following a debilitating illness that had afflicted him since last winter.

"He was a very kind and caring person and helped a lot of people," Mary Lyall said of her husband of 50 years. "Anytime somebody asked him to do something he was always there to help. He was that kind of a guy."

Still numb from the loss of her husband, Mary Lyall hoped it could bring new information about Suzanne's case.

Doug and Mary Lyall kept their marriage intact despite the excruciating anguish of losing a child and not knowing what happened to her.

"It was hard. We both had separate ideas of what happened to Suzy," Mary Lyall said. "He was the (family) spokesperson and that's basically what we tell the families (of missing persons) that call us. You really have to appoint somebody to be a spokesperson. You can't try and do it (otherwise)."

Nearly one year after their daughter vanished, Doug Lyall wrote a letter "To the person who took Suzanne," offering kind words in the hope she could be found.

"I'm not sure what I would say, although after so much time, surprisingly, I don't hate you. I know nothing about you," Doug Lyall wrote. "I wonder if you were ever like Suzy. Did you love homemade chocolate chip cookies? Did you go to Rush concerts? Did you play jokes on April Fool's Day? Did you spend time on the computer, oblivious to anything else going on around you? Suzy is more than a girl on a poster. Her mom and dad, Steve and Sandy (Suzanne's siblings) miss her daily. She has dreams, and hopes and potential. I still have positive dreams. For my own survival, I have had to let go of anger or I would be consumed by it. But the questions persist."

Mary Lyall said she and her husband began their activism some five years after Suzanne disappeared. It was after they attended a conference, where a woman who had a missing family member stood up and spoke, leaving a lasting impression.

"I went up to her afterward and she said, 'Ya know, I could have laid in bed with a cover over my head for years but I decided to really get out there and talk about this. Otherwise I couldn't do it,' " Mary Lyall recalled. "I think that was about when we both decided that we really needed to do something for other people. It helped both of us."

She said she began speaking publicly in 2003 when President George Bush signed "Suzanne's Law," requiring police to notify the National Crime Information Center when someone between 18 and 21 is reported missing. Police previously had been only required to report missing persons under the age of 18. The Lyalls successfully battled for legislation and started a Center for Hope for families facing similar grief.

"When their daughter, Suzanne Lyall, went missing in 1998, Doug and his wife, Mary, turned their sadness and quiet desperation into a positive force for change with the creation of the Center for Hope to help other families find missing loved ones and advocate for state and federal legislation and initiatives to better respond to missing person cases," stated Assemblyman James Tedisco, whose office worked on several initiatives with the Lyalls.

Doug Lyall was born in Colorado, but his family moved to Ballston Lake when Doug was 9, then to Massachusetts, where he met his future wife in Pittsfield schools. They graduated from high school together in 1960; they began dating the day after graduation.

The couple married after Doug obtained his bachelor's degree in Springfield College, where he got a master's as well. He was a rehabilitation counselor who worked with the physically and mentally disabled; his last job was at Capital District Psychiatric Center.

Mary Lyall said she and her husband rarely disagreed despite differences.

"We both had separate ideas about life — I like to do lots of artsy things and he was into sports," she said, noting her spouse, an athlete who ran track in school, played tennis and a similar game, pickleball.

She praised him as a father.

"One night when Suzy was an infant, I came home and he was holding her up," Mary Lyall said. "She was, I think, less than a month old, and he was holding her and looking at her and I said, 'What are you doing?' And he said, 'We're having a conversation.' ... he was just always there for them."

Steve Lyall, the oldest of the three Lyall children (the middle child is daughter Sandy), who lives in New Jersey, said his father was also a close friend.

"We always did things together all the time. We'd go to car shows and play golf and go for walks," Steve Lyall said. "He was always there to talk to me about my problems, always there to help me with projects around my house. He would take time to come to down to New Jersey to try and help me with things if I needed help, try to show me how to fix things, go to baseball games at Yankee Stadium sometimes. Just everything ... I told him just before he left the other day that he'll always be with me in spirit."

Friends and supporters of the Lyalls left an outpouring of grief on social media following the word of Doug Lyall's passing, offering prayers, condolences and memories.

"A kind and gentle man, he will be missed by many," wrote one person. "Be with the angels and you now hold the answer to what happened to Suzanne. Together in heaven."

rgavin@timesunion.com • 518-434-2403 • @RobertGavinTU