Is drawing a line in the sand a good thing?

In an interview, Israel’s former minister of education, Shai Piron, was asked how he felt regarding boundaries in the educational system. His answer was inspiring. He asked us to imagine taking a group of children to play on the roof of a 50 story tower. He continues by asking us - even though the children were told they could do what they want, where would they play if there was no fence on the ledge. Obviously, they would stay very far from the perilous drop. Then he proceeds by building a large fence surrounding the roof and asks where would they play now. Suddenly, the children are free to explore the whole roof once the danger has been removed. The moral of the story is that boundaries, while creating restrictions, can paradoxically create freedom.

Are we parents as managers?

A lot of managing philosophies compare the managers role to parenting. This was probably one of the biggest hurdles of my career as a manager. I’ve had to manage employees much older than me, some of them in the vicinity of my parents age, and assume the role of the responsible adult. I’ve had to hold, scold, encourage, limit, inspire, shoot down, promote and demote employees when I didn’t have this internal feeling that I was qualified.

It’s OK!

While I don’t have children of my own, over the years I’ve encountered a staggering amount of confessions from friends who came home from the hospital with their newborn and are simply overwhelmed. Sure, they went to a couple of parenting classes, read books and talked about nothing but. Then one fine day, there’s a human being they’re responsible for and nothing had prepared them for that day.

And just like those bewildered parents, you are thrown into your first management position head on. And everybody is watching you. You’ve read up on management skills, talked to people, watched the good and bad bosses over the years, but you know nothing (Jon Snow).

But it’s OK, you’ll have to grow into it, make a lot of mistakes, and most of all accept yourself as an advancing and not an advanced leader. You are entitled to be the leader because, let’s face it, that’s what you are right now.

It’s OK! (really!)

Often in our managing careers we’ll manage employees who command a higher degree of knowledge in their field than we do. The higher up you go, the more often this will happen. While this is a source of insecurity for many of us, this is actually what you should aim for. The definition of a good manager is someone who hires and manages people who are smarter and more knowledgeable.

But then, how can I draw a line in the sand when they clearly know more than I do?

I feel the answer to that comes from the basic assumption of your role as a manager. I do not see myself as the utmost authority on everything that runs under my watch. The opposite is the truth, I know barely enough about many of the things that the highly capable people I hire do. Sure, I speak their language, and if push came to shove, could do what they do (maybe…), but I don’t do it on a daily basis, and that’s the point. My job as a manager is to guide them, solve high level problems, facilitate between their work and needs and the demands of the business. But beyond the professional lines in the sand, I am the director because that’s where I am. I’m not better nor worse than any of my employees as a human being, I’m just doing my job. And yes, my job entails drawing lines and setting boundaries. Just like your teenage son, who knows the importance of doing his homework, but sometimes needs that little push to get started, such is your job as a manager. Not to whip your employee into shape, but to give that extra energy for something we all know is important but isn’t really the most fun task in the world.

How many lines should I draw?

Assuming you’re still with me, you believe that you are allowed to draw lines, and moreover, your employees need this from you, now the final question is how authoritative should you be?

This question has been haunting me since my first management position and to this very day. I have a natural tendency to like people, to empathize, to want to be liked and to have a human connection. I always felt that being the boss, especially the gritty parts, goes against my grain. Over the years, I’ve started getting used to it. Whether it’s firing employees, having difficult conversations stating that I’m not happy with their work or just the plain old “we have no choice, so let’s just do this task and get it over with…” with a smile. I don’t have a clear answer to how often you should use your rank and lay boundaries. I feel that it’s a game of improvisation. It differs with each employee. Some have a higher sense of duty and commitment, while others are more lax about their roles. That doesn’t affect the quality or quantity of their deliveries, just the tone and role they expect of me as their boss. The most eye opening experience you may have as a boss is to manage an employee who is miserable no matter how understanding you are, and then when you’re fed up and start setting clear boundaries, they suddenly smile all the time, shining their way through a work day.

To sum it all up, I feel that I am allowed to be in charge. After accepting this, part of being in charge is setting boundaries and limits. How many? good question! I’m still working on that one.

As an advancing manager and not an advanced manager, I would love to hear you thoughts and experiences about this matter.