The instructions underneath VVVVVV creator Terry Cavanagh's new browser-based MMO ChatChat simply read: "be a cat." These instructions also describe a dream I held between the ages of 5 and 7, so I'm eager to finally see if my dreams were realistic. Below is a short, diary-style description of my first hour as a cat.

Warning: The following story contains major spoilers for what it's like to be a cat. If you don't want to know what it's like being a cat before you are actually a cat yourself, stop reading now.

0:00 I change my name from the default "Kitty41" to the ever-so-clever "KittyKyle." I pointedly (and wisely, I think) stay away from the "irapecats_room" server and head to the more optimistically named "CATTOTHEFUTURE," which has five members.

0:02 I'm a pixelated white cat standing outside a pink house with a yellow door. A dog, ironically named NyanCat, sleeps on the stoop.

0:04 As I wander around the stoop examining pixelated bushes and shrubs, I keep seeing messages about other cats entering and leaving the house. I now have my first self-imposed goal: Get into the house!

0:05 In wandering through some nearby forests and brick-lined tunnels, I learn about my special vocal talents, which include /meow, /purr and /screech, each with accompanying own sound effects coming through the speakers.

0:07 I spend a couple of minutes repeatedly stepping on a tile to rebroadcast the message "Meet me in the alley" to the entire server. It must be important if there's a button for it, right? Also, so far it's pretty lonely being a cat. Everyone else is asleep.

0:08 A dog named "KXDILKX" walks in and bites me, turning me into a dog. OH THE SHAME! I try to ask him/her/it how he/she/it could be so cruel, but my words come out as "woof woof woof" in the chat window. A new secondary goal... return to my natural state of cathood!

0:10 As a dog I can /pant and /howl. Neither are nearly as cute as /meowing, though. Sorry. My goal to return to cathood remains.

0:11 I now have my third goal: trying to open the huge treasure chest I've just stumbled across. It might not be possible, but it'd be a little cruel to taunt players with an unopenable chest, wouldn't it?

0:12 I find a mouse and drop it off at the doorstep of the house. Apparently this proves I'm a cat at heart, because I'm magically transformed back into my natural form. Huzzah!

0:14 I stumble upon my first awake companion, named "HiyaKitty." I say hiya and she (?) answers back, "Hello KittyKyle." Our deep spiritual connection is palpable. She agrees to help me on my epic quest to get into the house.

0:17 After some aimless wandering, HiyaKitty notices an update note under the game window that mentions a "mysterious tree has appeared in the forest." LET'S GO!

0:19 I've found the mysterious tree, but lost my partner as I wandered through the forest. All my achievements mean nothing without someone to share them with. I double back and let out a resounding "FOLLOW ME!"

0:21 Climbing the tree gets us to a secluded glen. "This is a peaceful place. No dogs allowed," says an in-game mesage. I try to meow at a stationary cat named Meow, but get no response.

0:22 Hiyakitty tells me she hasn't seen any dogs yet. Oh you pure, unspoiled creature. I can't bear to break the spell and tell her how the world really works. I hope she never has to suffer the indignity of being a dog herself, a pain I know all too well.

0:24 HiyaKitty and I return to the chest and discuss potential methods for getting inside it, since we both agree that making it impossible to open would be just unforgivable.

0:26 We both try offering a mouse to the chest, in hopes that it will open, but the game is much too realistic for something like that to work.

0:29 After trying a bunch of possible commands like /scratch, /claw and /opentreasure, I come up with a brilliant plan. Typing "/me opens the treasure chest" broadcasts a message that I have, indeed, opened the treasure chest. I follow up with a series of messages about finding a collar inside the chest, and having that collar raise attributes like strength, endurance and intelligence. This is what the game has reduced me to. Kitty trolling.

0:31 If HiyaKitty is fooled by my messages she gives no indication. She explains she had to take a phone call in the real world. As if that's more important than being a cat. She takes a /nap to show she's unavailable and I decide to join her.

0:35 I try to simulate the experience of being a napping cat by simply staring at the screen and going into a fugue state, but I find I'm much too wired to simulate real napping. I'm constantly switching to Twitter, e-mail and my RSS feeds while my avatar slumbers peacefully. I'm horrible at being a cat.

0:40 As I write this, a server somewhere is working to create a tiny virtual world in which absolutely nothing is happening save for five cats sleeping. I just thought I'd point that out.

0:44 As I continue to sleep, two people have entered the game and promptly left within a minute. I can't believe our rich, detailed world of five sleeping cats didn't draw them in further.

0:47 Scrolling down to the comments below the game, I find someone has revealed the existence of hidden rooms in two corners of the tiny world. I decide that napping is boring, and cheating is much more interesting, so I move on.

0:50 A visit to the hidden Dogshrine has converted me into a dog yet again.

0:52 Back in the treasure room, I give a bite to a cat named "Kittyman," transferring the doggishness from me to him. We trade it back and forth a few times, until he decides to bite the still sleeping and innocent HiyaKitty, turning her into a dog! So it's true: a game can make you cry.

0:57 HiyaKitty awakens. I apologize profusely for indirectly causing her canine metamorphosis, but the only response I receive is "woof woof."

I sadly close the game window.