Playgroups, school pick-ups and afternoon activities — the daily routine of stay-at-home dads is remarkably similar to that of mums, yet they’re usually the odd one out among the women, even though more of them are taking on the role.

Mums still shoulder the majority of child rearing but recently there has been a shift towards men working flexible or part-time schedules to take on the primary parent role.

Australian Bureau of Statistics figures released in August show 9 per cent of fathers with children under five are working part time.

And Dr Jennifer Baxter, senior research fellow at the Australian Institute Of Family Studies, puts the number of stay-at-home dads — in the traditional sense of not working but having an employed partner — at 67,000 or 4.3 per cent of all fathers. Less data is available for single fathers but, from the 2011 census, Baxter estimates the figure to be about 1.4 per cent of all dads.

She has extensively researched the issue and points out that while the number of dads in part-time work is on the rise, it’s not always by choice. Nonetheless, men are adapting very well to changing work and social conditions.

“I think perhaps dads are doing it in more creative ways, not necessarily completely leaving their job to be home to look after kids, but working a couple of days — partially stay-at-home dads and sharing duties with mums in ways that perhaps they weren’t in the past,” Baxter says.

“We see it in the research — people think of it more as flexible options, working from home and even changing careers to take up flexible arrangements. They’re looking at different ways of being a stay-at-home dad but still working.”

Associate Professor Richard Fletcher, head of the Fathers and Families Research Program at the University of Newcastle’s Family Action Centre, says society is gradually coming to view the role of dads as just as important as that of mothers. Emerging research, he says, shows the positive impacts of close father-child relationships and new fathers now seek to foster those relationships from birth.

“In antenatal classes, for example, we see fathers are coming along to dads-only antenatal classes, which is different to what their dads did. What’s important as a shift marker, they say they want that connection with their baby, with their child. That’s a change in the culture,” he says.

“The research evidence has changed in the last decade. We now know a lot more about how important fathers are for children’s development, not just for bringing in the money.

“The way dads interact with their very young children has a very big impact on how that child develops socially, emotionally and how well they do at school.”

media_camera Single dad Jay Lulham with daughter Charlotte, 7. Picture: Jenny Evans

Jay Lulham, 30, has been the sole carer for daughter Charlotte, 7, for about five years, and balances full-time fatherhood with a demanding job in the navy. He says:

“I’ve been looking after Charlotte since she was about two years old.

From the early days when we brought Charlotte home, it was more natural for me to take on the care. Her mum and I separated and she came to live with me full time.

It was initially a bit hard to juggle being a single dad with the intensity of the job.

I did do a six-month deployment up north. She was still in preschool and went to stay with my sister and mum and she had a great time. But it was a bit hard for us to separate because it was the first time we’d been away from each other for so long.

I knew she was in a comfortable space and we got through it. But I haven’t been away since then and I probably won’t for a while.

Charlotte’s in Year 1 and work completely understands that school doesn’t open before a certain time, and there’s before-school and after-school care. I drop Charlotte off and they know I have to be at the school if she’s sick, so there’s not really any stress there.

But your social life takes a bit of a hit. It’s just that mentality that when people know there’s always going to be a kid around, they keep their distance. You can start to feel a bit isolated.

There doesn’t really seem to be something that’s as easily accessible as mothers’ groups. The community of stay-at-home dads and single dads is not really there.

There are some insecurities about how parents perceive me. She’s a little girl and for her to want to have sleepovers, I don’t know how parents would feel about that with just a dad there. It can be uncomfortable.

I play both roles for her in a lot of ways. I go to school Mother’s Day events so she’ll have someone there to enjoy it with. I shop for her and don’t do too badly, but I have two sisters and they play a major role in being someone she can chat to about all the girlie things that come up.”

media_camera Nowra dad Craig Balfour with sons Lachlan, 7, and Ryan, 10.

Craig Balfour, 44, went from working 16-hour days seven days a week to being a full-time stay-at-home dad. He and his wife Jenny, a nurse, live in Nowra with their two sons, Ryan, 10, and Lachlan, 7. He says:

“We owned a takeaway shop when the boys were born, which kept me away from home most of the time. When our eldest Ryan was around four, we sold it and Jenny and I decided I’d stay home with the boys and she’d keep her roster as a nurse. I didn’t see it as an issue. We were a team.

So our days follow somewhat of a routine: I wake up, get the boys ready for school and drop them off. Then I come home, make the beds, put a load of washing on if it’s needed, vacuum and go out to do the shopping — essentially everything a stay-at-home mum would do. In the afternoons the boys have swimming or tennis every day, which I take them to.

It was a little challenging at first especially seeing as I was away from the home so much before. It was a big change for all of us. I’d also get the odd comment insinuating I’m home because I’m lazy or can’t find a good job, but it doesn’t bother me because I know I’m doing what is best for our family.

I love that I get to spend so much time with the boys. It’s a wonderful opportunity for them to have a constant male role model around. Growing up, I had the traditional dad who went to work and I didn’t see much of him. What I love most about our situation is that our boys are learning that there are no set roles for mums or dads.”

media_camera Mark Nichols with his son, Hudson, 7. Picture: Rohan Kelly

Mark Nichols, 44, of Freshwater, has been the primary carer for his seven-year-old son Hudson almost since birth. The actor, writer and sometime Uber driver switched traditional roles with wife Kate who works as a television food producer, a role that sees her travel often. He says:

“Kate went back to work when Hudson was about three or four months. As her job was always more consistent than mine as a writer and actor, it was a no-brainer that she would go to work and I would stay home with Hudson. Kate had worked on the first season of MasterChef at that stage and she was in demand, it just made sense for our family.

I went along to our local mother’s group from fairly early on. I was a little hesitant at first, but once I met all the mums and we got on so well, it was great. Most of us were new parents and I got the same out of it as the new mothers did. Of course, there was some girl talk, but it didn’t worry me and it didn’t seem to worry them either. They’d joke I was the honorary sister of the group. I can’t remember ever meeting another man doing what I did, so I guess that meant it was pretty rare.

There was one incident that stuck in my mind, where there was an issue among some kids at the park, and a mother just charged through to take control, even though I was there, like

I couldn’t be trusted to handle it. But I guess she also wasn’t used to seeing a full-time dad at the park.

Other than that I have never really had to defend my position.

These days, with Hudson at school, I drop him off and drive for Uber during the day until I have to pick him up. And I spend Thursday and Friday on my writing or going to auditions.

I take Hudson to his swimming lessons, or we go surfing. He has also taken an interest in making short movies, which we do together.

It’s a cliche to say they grow up so fast, but it’s true and I’m glad I’m in a situation where I can catch all those important moments.”