In news I can't quite wrap my head around (although I did manage to get my penis around it twice and and tie it off in a knot), a group of researchers at the University of Washington are running tests to determine if the entire universe is just a massive simulation program running off supercomputers of the future. Wait -- what? I'm afraid if I got high right now my brain would explode. "What brain?" The one inside my skul-- GOOD ONE, JERK.

Currently, computer simulations are decades away from creating even a primitive working model of the universe. In fact, scientists are able to accurately model only a 100 trillionth of a metre, with work to create a model of a full human being still out of reach.

By looking for underlying patterns, physicists believe that it may be possible to work out if we are existing in a computer created universe, created many years in the future. Looking at constraints imposed on simulations by limited resources could show signs that we are mere bit-part players in a Matrix-style film plot. It will take many years to reach the computational power to give a real glimpse of whether we are living in a simulation, the scientists contend, but even by looking at the tiny portion of the universe that we can currently accurately model, it may be possible to detect 'signatures' of constraints on physical processes that could point to a simulation.

I understand the concept, I just don't understand WHY they're testing for this. Unless -- UNLESS -- if the universe really is a giant simulation program, maybe we can hack it. I want infinite lives and superpowers! "Settle for accidentally corrupting a file and being stuck on a loading screen forever?" Ha, that's like my life in a nutshell already.

Thanks to Hank, who's got a pocketful of quarters and is ready to TRON the shit out of this universe.