My dear snack fairy:

My future me disapproves thy vile intentions to disintegrate my teeth and erode my health through the insane amounts of sweet stuff thou had sent to me.

Meanwhile my present me feels pure and sincere gratitude towards you for sending snacks that are beyond the realms of awesome.

From the bottom of my heart I thank you :)

note for outside readers: the snacks come from Akwesasne, Mohawk Nation (NY, USA).