There may be no better symbol of American higher education’s wasteful indulgence than Louisiana State University’s lazy river. Part of a recently opened $85 million recreation center, the lazy river is where students ride inflatable tubes on a water current in the shape of the school’s initials. As F. King Alexander, LSU’s president, said before the ribbon-cutting: “We’re here to give you everything you need. . . . I don’t want you to leave the campus ever.” And why would they?

When asked to defend the water ride, the administration...