If you want to lose yourself for four days straight and experience some of the kookiest happenings then the Secret Garden Party is for you. The festival is based in Huntingdon, Cambridgeshire and is what I would like to describe as a giant playground for adults. It’s another level of weird and I loved every single minute of it.

With a lot of festivals, the weather can really put a downer on the whole experience, but despite the mix of torrential rain and spells of sunshine, I never had a dull moment at the Secret Garden Party. During the drive down we were listening to Secret FM to get ourselves in the mood for what was one of the best weekends of 2015.

When we arrived, we felt instantly welcome and could feel the festival buzz straight away. Everyone was clearly excited to get involved with the weekend’s antics and we felt exactly the same. By the time we got to the campsite, it was filled to the brim with beaming faces and drunken humans, some a little more drunk than others. However, we got the tent up and headed straight into the festival for the next 12 hours of our lives…

What’s It All About?

Secret Garden Party is made up of various different stages, arenas, art installations, you name it, they have it and this year’s theme was Childish Things. Giant toys were dotted around the site, including a toy-train attached to the top of The Great Stage. We came across The Lost Woods stage which started the evening off nicely, listening to the Broken Brass Ensemble and being complimented on my outstanding homemade glowing floral headband, which I wore thanks to my boyfriend’s mum.

There was so much to take in but I wanted to see it all, which might explain why I didn’t go to bed until 7am on the first night. The festival is huge and is split into two sites divided by a giant lake, which may I add had a floating stage on it made of Lego – it wasn’t real Lego but who cares – called the Lake Stage.

The Toy Box was one of the best places I experienced. It was THE place for the gay community. Continuing the childish theme, using the term very loosely, you would find giant action men holding huge penises and signs saying No Smoking, Just Sucking. I’m sure you get the drift. It didn’t stop there though, oh no. I witnessed one of the greatest drag-queen dance shows since my visit to Amsterdam, some of them rocking better make up than me.

Setting Up Shop

Whilst ordering drinks at the Toad Hall, we started chatting to a bloke called Dan, or as we liked to call him, Optimus Prime – don’t ask. After a few drinks and a brief life history, he told us he owned a pizza stall and wanted us to take a look at it. As much as he was a lovely guy, there wasn’t much to see which is when he roped me into setting up his stall, ensuring it was all ready for the next day. I don’t want to blow my own trumpet, but I am quite the organizer so I did a bit of delegating and within an hour, his stall and the minions he found at the local Tesco, who wanted to get into the festival for free, were finally sorted. After all that hard work, I didn’t even get a free pizza…

After our successful business trip we stumbled across what I can only describe as a giant castle, called Bearded Kitten’s Colo-Silly-Um. As we entered the arena, I felt like I was in some modern day Gladiator film, it was totally surreal. The venue was absolutely rammed and featured an amphitheatre style seating all around the edges. This was the perfect spot to jump up and down like a total nut job to Drum N Bass.

New Friends

As we became more acquainted with the people in the area around us we started gaining festival friends. We met a girl from Jersey who was jealous of the fact that the UK has Domino’s and Jersey doesn’t, as well as half of the Cambridgeshire Police force that let me lay across them for a photo opportunity – standard. We then came across a tent that sold fancy tea and listened to a bearded man playing saxophone, it was a magical end to the first evening.

As we retreated back to our campsite, we discovered a mutli-coloured triangle booth that was a labyrinth of mirrors, we sat in it for a bit and then realised we were far too intoxicated for this kind of art. The heavens opened once we walked to our tent, and so began the second wettest day of the festival.

Funk and Food

After a bit of a mad one, the second day consisted of a lot of delicious food and some excellent Funk, Blues and Soul at the Crossroads tent. There was so much to choose from when it came to food, I wanted to be a right fatty and eat one of everything but I refrained. I did however, stand out in the rain whilst a man cooked me a mouth-watering burger that was worth every bite. Later on in the day I tried some beef brisket from the Smokestak, well…I could have eaten it thrice over, holy smokes it was divine. I think we ate our weight in food the entire weekend, but it was totally worth it.

Despite the horrible weather we stayed out to catch Darwin Deez on the Where the Wild Things Are stage. This was an awesome little stage hidden amongst the wilderness and had a tree growing through the middle of it, casual style.

The Sun Has Got His Hat On

Luckily the weather picked up for us and Saturday was set to be a bloody good day. Besides getting hammered, we thought we would educate ourselves and watched a poet in the open-air amphitheatre. We then headed over to the Great Stage for some more brassy tunes, but not without passing the Dance-Off arena first. This was the ultimate place to be if you wanted to show off your mad dancing skills. I assumed that as the day went on the dancing would only get better and it did; some of them should quit their day job.

Going To the Chapel

As I am a woman of needs I persuaded my boyfriend to marry me and so we did, in front of a large crowd and a man dressed as a penis, I couldn’t have asked for my wedding day any other way. Our send off music was the sweet sounds of Abba, Dancing Queen – It’s on film and will never be erased from our memories – ever.

Breathtaking Displays

One of the best things about the Secret Garden Party is that two days are never the same. On one occasion we saw two men wrestling shirtless, to then find a mermaid inside a giant snow globe driving around the festival. It’s just utter madness.

Like the majority of the ladies, and some men too, I was 100% up for getting my face completely and utterly plastered in glitter. After much deliberating, I chose what I wanted and before I knew it, I was this sparkling goddess. I was ready for another day of exploring now I had festival attire was complete. My boyfriend was lacking some sparkle and so he ended up with a golden glitter beard for the rest of the day – it was awesome.

The Saturday evening ended with a beautiful spectacle of fireworks and although this happens every year, they are always different to suit the festivals theme. It was truly amazing, possibly one of the best firework displays I’ve ever witnessed. Once it was over, we headed straight back into the Kitsch Inn and danced our muddy wellies off to gypsy punk bands.

Speaking of breathtaking displays, nothing made me happier than stumbling across the Karaoke tent. At this point of the evening, my boyfriend wanted to sing Frank Sinatra and serenade the ladies, while other volunteers chose to sing Alanis Morisette (really badly) whilst crying into their beers and air punching. This was also the first time I experienced sake and karaoke at the time same time and it wasn’t half bad, nice one Japan.

Happily Ever After

The Secret Garden Party, without fail, is one of the most magical festivals on this planet. If you like the music then that’s an ultimate bonus but there’s so much more to it than that. You genuinely feel sad when Monday comes around and you have to pack up your junk and leave; you wish you could stay and discover every single corner of the festival, but that’s why there is always next year…

Music: check, arty stuff: check, meeting the best people in the world: check, feeling like a child again: check check check – Secret Garden Party 2015, you blew our minds, we loved it, and we will see you again soon.

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Photo credit: Andrew Whitton / Fanatic 2015