New York, New York

As Hurricane Irma closes in on Miami, Politico’s cartoonist are feverishly sharpening their colored pencils (or, Pencils of Color™, as they call them) in eager anticipation of the devastation the Hurricane is expected to unleash on the Southeast.

“It’s really no less than they deserve,” cartoonist Mart Querker says as he gleefully checks on the storm’s advance, “these inbred-hick White Supremacists like ‘storm fronts’ huh? Well, now they’re about to get a real one!”

“Hurricane Irma is expected to grow back from a category 4 to category 5 later tonight” says the reporter. Mart smiles, sighs with contented relief, puts his feet on his desk, and leans back with his hands behind his head.

Mart goes on to explain how Politico’s cartoonist have already developed potential themes for the cartoons and drafted rough sketches in preparation of the homes and lives that they expect to be lost – just as they did with Hurricane Harvey.

“Well, there’s quite a lot to make fun of, but the general idea is to show a stupid, white, overweight flood victim saying something to indicate that they’re a Christian as they’re rescued by FEMA or some other big government organization – preferably by a rescuer who isn’t White-Privileged™. Of course, our cartoons will have subtle differences based on the specifics of each situation, for example, when Hurricane Harvey stuck Texas the victims were wearing cowboy hats, but with Florida we’ll have them wearing Confederate ball-caps and overalls! It’s a great comedic formula we can use over and over to mock the plight of any group of people we don’t like!”



Mart went on to address some of the criticism over how his team of cartoon artists portrayed the rescue efforts following Hurricane Harvey.

“Yes, it’s true that Hurricane Harvey hit primarily non-white and ‘blue’ parts of Texas, and demographics expected to suffer the most from Hurricane Irma are similar, but we don’t hate those people, so it’s no fun to laugh at them when something bad happens to them. Regardless of what happens to the Hurricane Victims of Color™, if enough stupid, white, Trump-voting rednecks also suffer… it will all be worth it. That’s what real social justice is all about – making sure that everyone suffers equally!”

“What’s really great about being a cartoonist is that you can paint the picture in people’s minds YOU want them to see – whether reality supports your worldview or not. After Harvey, I and the rest of Politico’s staff were really disappointed to see private citizens of all races and political views pulling together to help one another without the federal government’s help. This didn’t support our worldview. This isn’t our America. However with the ‘magic’ of just some pens and paper, I was able to create an image of what the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey should have been like – and I look forward to doing the same thing after Hurricane Irma.”

“To be honest, the worst possible outcome of major storms – like Hurricanes Harvey and Irma – isn’t the lives lost or the property destroyed. It’s the possibility that Americans will forget that they’re supposed to be enemies and hate each other – even after all the work that we at Politico and other great news sources like CNN do to remind them otherwise! If people were to somehow become convinced that every other demographic doesn’t hate them and doesn’t want them dead, they might even quit listening to us or taking us seriously. What would they do without the media letting them know what they are supposed to think?”