TAMPA, FL—A week into his rehabilitation stint with the minor league Tampa Yankees, third baseman Alex Rodriguez reportedly impressed his new teammates Wednesday by sharing valuable tips about proper technique for putting each other down. “To alienate players at a major league level, you have to be active and aggressive about creating hostility toward them with a wide variety of disparaging remarks,” Rodriguez said to the dugout full of wide-eyed minor leaguers eagerly absorbing every word of his advice. “Stay focused on escalating pointless, petty squabbles as much as you can, and pretty soon you’ll see yourself getting involved in longer, more vicious disputes. The most important thing is that, deep down, you’re a bitter and hateful person. That’s something you can’t coach.” Tampa catcher Tyson Blaser confirmed that after practice, Rodriguez offered to take everyone except pitcher Rafael De Paula out to dinner and explain some subtle tactics for starting feuds.

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