AUGUSTA, ME—In a dark harbinger of troubled times to come, recently hired office manager Mel Pritchard reportedly placed a new assortment of tea bags in Greydon Media’s kitchen drawer Friday, the first terrifying signal of what to expect from her regime. “I guess now that Mel’s seized the reins of power, we have to somehow get by on nothing but chamomile, chai, and Earl Grey,” said marketing assistant Tara Ganelli, thankful that she’d had the foresight to stash two bags of Lemon Zinger before the newly installed sovereign of the break room had imposed her unshakable rule upon the company’s hot beverage selection. “Fortunately, I still know where the plastic silverware is kept, but then again we’re only three days into the new era—who knows what tyranny tomorrow will bring?” At press time, employees were hopeful at the sudden appearance of donuts, unaware that they would soon arrive at work to discover that the single-serve honey packets had all been taken away.

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