5 Reasons NFL Football Is Better Than Soccer

Messi vs. Manning. Ronaldo vs. Romo. Pele vs. Peterson.

As human beings, we have an insatiable need to analyze, judge and compare everything in order to discover our preferences. The cars we drive need to be aesthetically attractive and work well. The sushi restaurants we eat at need to offer interesting combinations of flavors (or at least cheap sake).

If we compare certain aspects of the NFL and the World Cup, we come to one simple conclusion: football is better than soccer.

Don’t get me wrong I enjoy the World Cup. But bottom line: here are five reasons that it doesn’t hold a candle (or a yellow card) to the NFL.

1. No Flopping

Urban Dictionary defines flopper as, “A soccer term for a player who throws themselves on the ground whenever they feel a defender on their back to try and get a foul called.” They also have a definition of flopper that relates to large and sagging breasts…but that’s a column for another time.

Flopping in soccer is one of the most egregious offenses a professional athlete can commit. It’s dishonest. It’s cheap. It disrupts the flow of the game and it is incredibly cowardly. Forget Leonardo DiCaprio, soccer players deserve Academy Awards for their performances on the pitch. Sports fans love athletes because of their competitiveness and toughness. Flopping is the exact opposite of those attributes. Football is the more physically demanding of the two sports and prides its athletes on their ability to play through pain.

In the NFL, if you get hit than you GET HIT. Faking an injury rarely occurs. Sports fans want to watch a contest of physical and mental toughness, not an audition demo to be a devoured extra on The Walking Dead.

2. Consistency

Minute-by-minute, play-by-play, football is the more exciting sport. I won’t lie. When a striker is approaching the goal in soccer there is a surge of emotion unlike any other. Operating in the box with time winding down is more nerve racking than a paternity test on Maury. But in the interim, the unending dribbling and passing can be a bit tiresome. Soccer is one of the few sports where you sometimes go backwards to go forwards.

Sure, football isn’t composed solely of highlight plays either. But every snap offers something exciting for someone. It can be an impressive run by the running back, a long completed pass, a defensive tackle penetrating the backfield, etc. Regardless of the outcome, one team and fan base will either be cheering or booing after every single play.

It’s kind of hard to get excited one way or the other in soccer when the ball is moving laterally for minutes on end. Football just provides more bang for your buck.

3. Final Outcome

The character of Morris Buttermaker from “Bad News Bears” once declared, “My old coach used to say a tie is like kissing your sister…but the way we’ve been playing, it’s more like kissing a really hot stepsister.” The way the World Cup is designed, a tie can be advantageous for a team and allow it to advance in certain scenarios. In that instance it’s understandable to play for a draw. But just because it’s understandable doesn’t mean it’s enjoyable.

To steal another quote, Max Brooks summed up an attitude of Americans in his book “World War Z.” Brooks wrote, “America is a very all-or-nothing society…We like to know, and for everyone else to know, that our victory wasn’t contested, it was positively devastating.”

Since 2002, only four NFL games have ended in a tie. There have been at least four ties in The World Cup since June 24th alone.

Definitive outcomes add more meaning to the games, motivating players and engaging fans to a greater degree. It heightens the emotional impact of each win and loss and the “any given Sunday” theory increases excitement and competitiveness. Soccer just can’t compete in this area.

4. Vuvuzelas

They’re really annoying.

I imagine the sound these monstrosities produce is only a few notes away from the brown noise. American football fans haven’t yet fully embraced these horrid instruments but similar to every zombie movie, the outbreak is inevitable.

Yes, I see the girl is hot in the picture to the right… but I don’t care, shut the hell up.

5. The Numbers

If these arguments don’t sway you, maybe the cold hard facts will. The U.S.A. game against Portugal pulled in 18.22 million viewers, the highest ever for a World Cup match shown on ESPN. This certainly deserves a polite smattering of applause, but to put things in perspective, over 30 million people viewed the finale of Everybody Loves Raymond. Nearly 112 million viewers tuned into this year’s Super Bowl alone.

If Ray Romano’s annoying voice and Peyton Manning’s Broncos getting sent to the glue factory can out-do you, is it really much of a contest?