Hello Readers,

When you are dealing with a new wheat free identity, the first couple of jaunts to the grocery store feel like a trip to a new dimension. Everything looks the same. All the aisles are in the right places, but nothing familiar may be placed in the grocery basket. It is both entertaining and unnerving. It is also just the start of falling down the rabbit hole.

Brand loyalty takes on a whole new meaning when choosing the wrong food item may cause you issues and/or pain that wrecks your day(s). Before going gluten-free, I would usually shop by sale. If that can of black beans was fifty cents cheaper it was a done deal. I never read the labels on my food. Tomato paste was the biggest eye opener. Such a small can, any random brand can wrack up well over thirteen ingredients on it. It seems strange to me that we have to hunt for tomato paste that boasts tomatos, water and salt as its only ingredients.

After the life change, label reading became an eye-opening experience. It is one of the things I am really grateful for about being celiac. I used to put weird chemicals into my system without a second thought. This post is more a marvel at what I used to think was healthy. I think everyone should eat what they want. I confine my opinions to my blog and do not feel the need to convert friends or strangers. If you want to shave years off your life eating crap, go for it. I am just glad I do not do that anymore.

It boggles the mind what we, as a country, accept as appropriate food in terms of quality and quantity. The grocery store is a gigantic place. It holds so many varieties and we often find ourselves bored with the choices we do have. This is why the sudden life change can be a good lesson to value the utterly ridiculous variety available in this current market.

When I was a kid, rice bread was it. It was like eating sand on the first bite and then glue once you succumbed to needing water to swallow. Any peanut butter and jelly touching the bread would turn it into a liquified state. The one brand of store bought cookies were gritty gross and apples are the last thing on your mind throughout the time period when you can count your age on your hands.

I was fortunate enough to have a mother who is a wonderful and adventurous cook. She concocted many delicious foods that mirror things now sold regularly on the gluten-free shelves today. Replacement items like bread and cookies were about as bad as it got for me so I was very lucky. Now in the marketplace you can find almost any item with a gluten-free counterpart and decent labeling of what standard items are naturally gluten-free. Currently, there’s Rudi’s, Udi’s, Glutino, and many many more. If you are in the Portland area, you have New Cascadia and Happy Camper’s. Thank you capitalistic competition.

When I lived in Bozeman and was new to the gluten-free game, a local mom and pop store used hot pink moving stickers to showcase all items that were gluten-free on the shelves. I thought this was the bees knees and became educated to many brands I had been previously unaware were safe to eat. It also showed me that it doesn’t really take much if you want to add gluten-free education into your environment. Hot pink moving stickers are pretty bad ass and succinct to me.

In Portland, Whole Foods is where you want to shop gluten-free…if you are able to spend the funds. The pricier food items can be ridiculous, especially if you miss something that has now become a novelty. I cannot afford to shop at Whole Foods on a regular basis so here is a better breakdown. Albertson’s, my hat is off to you. Albertson’s (at least the ones I have frequented so far) all have a more than fair diversity in their gluten-free options in terms of quality, quantity, pricing and location. As a side note, Glutino makes amazing cookies but their frozen dinners taste like cardboard glue. Amy’s frozen mac and cheese tastes the best on that score.

Fred Meyer’s was an epic fail. When I moved back to Oregon I remembered Freddie’s with nostalgic childhood fondess and felt so sure they would have been well footed in the gluten-free world. I have heard rumor rumblings that there will soon be a modern overhauling of the available options which would be marvelous. Some major grocery stores seem to also be like older generation doctors. The good old club where “holistic” is only a weird voodoo word and if the diagnosis wasn’t written down by some dead guy in a tome, then it ain’t real.

Many of you may have been diagnosed “IBS” or straight up hypochondriac by these people. They are also in the food world. You see this in places claiming the “trend” will be over soon enough. They have scooted over one space on their shelf for four boxes of over priced cookies and are just waiting for the storm to end. Guess what. This is not a storm, this is going to be a cultural revolution.

Safeway holds its own in terms of availability and price. The actual store can vary somewhat to their degree of diversity; but you can usually always find some solid staples like Tinkyada, Annie’s or Amy’s. These stores also seem to be getting better about it every time I go in so thats a plus. The Club card knocks down price and they have pretty great labeling to all their GF items. Albertson’s kicks ass on the labels too. Nice to trawl the shelves looking for the little insignia instead of reading the back of every box and can.

New Seasons is hit or miss. This is only my opinion, but all my interactions at New Seasons feel like bad Portlandia skits. Everyone there takes being a Portlander way too seriously in all the worst ways. I always leave with a wallet more empty than usual and a bad taste in my mouth. It is as if they hire one nice person for every four assholes who work the floors, registers and bakeries. If you are a nice person who works at New Seasons, I love you and you are like a rare wild unicorn. It seems like a good joke that people need a support group to interact with people there on any level. If given the choice, I will not give them my money.

Many newly diagnosed people go out and end up spending too much money on food items they do not need in specialty stores that over price them. It is easy to be gluten-free and paleo if you are willing to do the research on what to buy. Flank steak is a great red meat that is lean in fat and price. It can be marinaded and cooked a million different ways.

Think of what you usually like to eat and there will always be a better alternative. Even with all this healthy talk, I usually remake something from my old food world once a week like lasagna or pizza. It is great to be healthy, but food is delicious and I am more than willing to straddle the two worlds to enjoy my life. Pizza is a treat and not a focal point. It is more about shifting food views than eradicating the food itself.

I am willing to pay more for items because it is not only that I am going gluten-free. I am going healthy. I am willing to spend more on that organic, free-range beef because I know Bessy didn’t eat her sister cows before she was chopped up into the grinder. Healthy eating is expensive because no one put glue or mystery body parts in your food. I am willing to pay these prices. I want my eggs laid by chickens with feet god dammit!

Grocery shopping is an art that can be well honed to affordable adventuring. The expensive and organic can meet in the middle with affordable and plain when you know exactly what you want. Most people do not realize it needs to be altered at all and power to you in your bliss. I was unaware that wheat gluten is in many pickles, olives, sandwich meat, ice cream, toothpaste, shampoo and so on and so forth. We put so much trust in the food we buy; but we do not necessarily know what we are eating.

I do not consider myself to be an expert. I just feel like I have taken a peak behind the curtain that is not even sealed shut and its 1984. Thanks Orwell. We may not be eating people but we eat weird chemicals that shorten our life span and deteriorate our brains. Two thumbs up Western “civilization”, we humans should be around for a long time marching in current direction.

Grocery stores feel very deceptive to me and maybe that is what this post is about. They visually herald our ideals in shiny, over abundant displays that indicate health and wealth; but within the cornucopia, the food is not food. We truly believe that if it is shinier, bigger and prettier that it must be better. It has to be good for us. Many of us do not even eat real food anymore and will never even be aware of what that even means. This is the nesting place of gluten intolerance, allergies and celiac. This is origin of food diseases we have not even seen yet.

This is a strange world that we live in and I can only wonder what future aliens will say about the epic remains of our super stores. It feels like the time before the big changes. I know that sounds crazy but its like feeling electricity in the air before the thunderstorm clears the mountains. Change is in the wind, blah blah cliches and whatnot. Hopefully the aftermath will be full of self-sustaining farms and high fives, not zombie creatures created from chemical food consumption. Because that is how zombies are going to get here. No doubt. Look at the creepy, overly large, overly red apple in your hand. Take a big bite and enjoy!!!

Thank you for reading.