Narcotics Arrests at Panic Rally Connected to Carson Campaign

March 3rd, 2016

SAVANNAH, GA — According to a report put out by Savannah Now, eight individuals were arrested on felony drug charges following a campaign event for presidential candidate Widespread Panic last Friday evening.

“Our undercover agents purchased a variety of drugs from these individuals in the parking lot after the show including heroin, LSD, and nitrous oxide,” explained Savannah Police Chief Todd Rodman.

After transporting the men to the Chatham County Detention Center where they were booked, the Savannah Police Department conducted an investigation into the incidents which has revealed that those apprehended have close ties to former neurosurgeon turned presidential candidate, Ben Carson.

“Something just didn’t seem right about the situation once we booked them at Chatham,” said Sheriff Deputy Chad Hammel. “They didn’t seem like your typical Panic parking lot wooks. They were clean shaven, seemed well educated, and wouldn’t shut the fuck up about how evil abortion was.”

Savannah Police noticed that all of the men were from West Palm Beach Florida where Dr. Carson currently lives. They were also able to trace back the registration numbers on the nitrous tanks to a hospital the presidential candidate practices at.

“It seems pretty obvious that Ben tried to use his position at the hospital to move these narcotics at this Panic rally,” continued Deputy Hammel. “I mean, his campaign has nearly exhausted all of its financial resources at this point plus it would have given Panic a bad rep right before the Super Tuesday primaries which he is competing against them in.”

After a poor showing in the primaries this week, it seems likely that Carson will drop out of the presidential race in the near future. Panic however continues strong and will hit the campaign trail again on April 8th for a three night rally at the Moody Theater in Austin, TX.