When I wake up in the morning, here are some things I generally don’t think about: I don’t imagine my future self giving naked photos to someone I call “master.” Nor do I expect to one day get the initials of a man branded just below my hip. I haven’t thought about making videos of myself trash talking friends and family either, and even if I try to fathom these possibilities, I certainly don’t see myself submitting to it all in the name of empowerment, self-fulfillment, or a wish to change the world for the better.

But these are the allegations Vancouver actress Sarah Edmondson and others have levelled against the leaders of a secret society based in Albany, New York, and precisely the reasons they went along with it. I don’t say this to undermine Edmondson’s intelligence or judgment. When we recently met for an interview, she agreed that what happened to her earlier this year still sounds unbelieveable and obscene.

Edmondson never got out of bed expecting to be branded either, but through more than a decade of business and coursework she did with a personal development organization called Nxivm (pronounced “nexium”), she believes she was manipulated to a point where she simply couldn’t turn back. Edmondson has alleged she was blackmailed with naked photos and other damaging information, and branded with a cryptic symbol near her crotch. The so-called self-help group is also accused of bringing in dozens of women “slaves” from all over North America using coercive tactics, allegedly taking millions of dollars from some high-profile members.

Since we sat down for that conversation last month, I have been turning over many questions in my head. The main thing I’ve been trying to resolve is the contradiction between the group’s “empowering” and “humanitarian” goals and the actions of burning skin and threatening to release nudes. How can a group that enforces master/slave relationships and starvation diets also be a “global force for good”? And while we’re asking the tough questions, why is former Smallville actress Allison Mack reportedly one of the “masters” orchestrating the alleged abuses?

To better understand Edmondson’s experience with Nxivm and the secret society known as DOS, I enlisted the help of experts as well as a former close confidante of the group’s leader Keith Raniere. They walked me through the tactics groups like these use to produce life-changing, profound experiences for people seeking fulfilment, as well as the ways peoples’ will and critical thinking can be used against them. I also got some insight into why New York’s Attorney General may now be taking another look into Nxivm’s dealings, after more than a decade of hands-off acceptance.