Christopher Hitchens (May Allah Be Pleased With Him) once said the following:

“Whenever I hear some bigmouth in Washington or the Christian heartland banging on about the evils of sodomy or whatever, I mentally enter his name in my notebook and contentedly set my watch. Sooner rather than later, he will be discovered down on his weary and well-worn knees in some dreary motel or latrine, with an expired Visa card, having tried to pay well over the odds to be peed upon by some Apache transvestite.”

The pattern of fundamentalist zealots griping about gay sex is why I may fairly speculate that Imran ibn Mansour, the lunatic British Islamist who goes by the lame-ass handle Dawah Man (Dawah approximately translates to proselytizing), may have a dirty secret. He certainly meets Hitchens’s above criteria. Dawah Man spews venomous trash against the LGBTQ community as easily as he delivers fire-and-brimstone sermons to scare his sheepish admirers into never questioning their faith. Dawah Man is fond of quoting Ibn Taymiyyah, the 13th century Islamic theologian and intellectual precursor to one of the most idiotic and socially destructive forms Islam takes in the modern world: Wahhabism.

If you’re unfamiliar with Dawah Man’s unique brand of bat-shit insane zealotry, you’re in for a treat! He calls himself the “King of Dawah,” but he’s actually the King of Cringe. When he’s not belly-aching about his Muslim “sisters” not wearing the hijab in his childish and misty-eyed way, he’s busy proselytizing the most extreme strands of Islamic thought to strangers or arguing with other Muslims on the street. Nor does he shy away from engaging in “debate” with unsuspecting teens in the streets of London. Almost comically tone-deaf, he takes pride in this revolting charade, claiming a sort of victory when uncomfortable (or more probably stoned) teenagers play along with him so he’ll go away. Amazingly, he voluntarily shares this embarrassing nonsense on his YouTube channel, itself a constant reminder that there is no hope for humanity.

Is Imran ibn Mansour a ravenous, cock-hungry homosexual? I don’t know, but as a public figure who preaches bigotry and hatred to our LGBTQ brothers and sisters, Dawah Man should be subjected to scrutiny and general ridicule for the painful naivete with which he tries to sell his brain-dead seventh-century world view. His butt-hurt gay-bashing certainly follows the well trodden path of other fanatical hatemongers.

The problem with believing ancient fairly tales (Islamic or otherwise) is that you find yourself suddenly obligated to be offended by almost everything around you. People have thought I was gay, but I wasn’t bothered by it, because I’m not a tight-ass. On the contrary, I took it as a compliment since gay men are often good-looking (or at least seem to pay more attention to their appearances). What must it be like to be so offended all the time? I promise, life gets easier when you abandon religious inanities that demand you hate people you know nothing about and engage with reality.

Is Dawah Man a ravenous, cock-hungry homosexual? As Sam Harris (May Allah Be Pleased With Him) might say: “Let’s unpack this!”

The hypothesis

Dawah Man likes a good throbbing phallus.

The evidence

As discussed above, Dawah Man exhibits a pattern common in closeted homosexuals: a deep, fanatical disgust bordering on obsession with homosexuals and their personal lives, as well as the belief that homosexuality is a curable disease.

Dawah Man is well-groomed and a snappy dresser. At the very least, he’s a metrosexual!

He spends a lot of time with dudes and seems to revel in their company.

Conclusion

Is Dawah Man a lascivious and thirsty sodomite? Regrettably, our hypothesis is hard to test. Being a public figure of some consequence, Dawah Man pays meticulous attention to his image. While I encourage others with more free time than myself to speculate wildly and study our subject’s behavioral cues in more detail, I must disclaim the difficulty of determining whether or not Dawah Man fantasizes about elephantine liberally-oiled veiny male organs sliding up and down his beard; delicately grazing his partially-open lips. More to the point, we certainly do not have enough evidence to rule out this scenario.

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Special thanks to Andrew Hall who runs the Patheos blog Laughing in Disbelief!