Responding To Criticism: ICE Has Issued A Statement Informing The Public That They Should Just Be Happy It’s Not Doing Experiments On These Kids

Despite the avalanche of criticism U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement has received over not being able to account for 1,475 migrant children, the immigration enforcement agency is not backing down an inch: ICE just released a statement insisting that its critics should honestly just be glad it isn’t performing experiments on migrant children.

“President Trump has given us a blank check to treat the immigrants in our custody however we want with zero consequence, so the next time you’re mad at us for losing track of these kids who have no legal protection, remember the restraint we’ve shown by not testing chemical warfare agents on them in a lab somewhere off the books,” reads the statement issued by ICE officials, which went on to elaborate just how grateful we should be for the way things are now considering the complete absence of accountability they’re operating under. “The American public can’t even imagine the perverse experiments we could get away with behind closed doors in ICE detention centers, and if we were to take full advantage of that leeway, it’d be more nauseating and horrific than the American public could handle. You’d better thank your lucky stars that we only separate kids from their parents and have no desire to subject them to medical experiments that’d result in 50 new points being added to the Nuremberg Code, because we absolutely could.”

Wow, ICE is certainly on the defensive, and by the looks of it, it isn’t going to end any of its controversial practices anytime soon. Let’s just hope it continues restraining itself from turning migrants into lab subjects, because in America, migrant communities can use all the mercy they can get.