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All is fair in love and war—except for conservatives in Washington, DC, who are just trying to get laid in spite of their own beliefs.




See, DC (short for “Dating Capital,” ha ha!) has one of the highest concentrations of single people actively dating in the world, per a Time Out survey. But it looks like politics is playing a bigger role than ever in preventing DC conservatives from boning. As Carrie Bradshaw would say, “I couldn’t help but wonder”: How come nobody wanna fuck conservatives?

Today, Washingtonian published a more in-depth look at what it’s like to date in DC, and it’s basically bunch of single conservative dudes bemoaning the lack of ass they’re getting as a direct result of their own shitty political beliefs. According to them, the real problem with the divisions between liberals and conservatives is that liberals are far too quick to judge others! Take for example, this person:

“A lot of times you’ll connect with someone [on an app] and they’ll Google you, find out you worked for Trump’s campaign, and then it’s pretty much all downhill from there,” says a Trump Administration official.


You know when someone who played a part in a campaign that was rooted in white supremacy and the rantings of a self-confessed sexual assaulter can’t get a date, the system is truly rigged!

Even worse, simply being conservative, regardless of whether or not you actually support Trump, is enough to scare off liberals. Just look at this harrowing tale from a reporter at a conservative media company:

He once brought a woman back to his place, and while checking out his bookshelf, she noticed some books by conservative thinkers, he says. “She was like, ‘Oh no. First question: Did you vote for Trump?’,” the reporter says. He told her no, but that he was conservative. “She was like ‘I have to get out of here. I can’t see you,’ and left.”

How much longer are we going to allow conservatives to be romantically and/or sexually rejected for merely displaying what was almost certainly Atlas Shrugged on their bookshelves (if not John Stuart Mill or Infinite Jest)?

Here’s another one:

“I feel like they look at me and are like, here’s a tall white dude with brown hair wearing loafers, and he probably has a picture of Reagan and the NRA in his bedroom or something,” says one of the reporters from the conservative media company. “I just think they have a very hyperbolic view of what a conservative is.”


How can liberals live with themselves while prohibiting tall white (conservative) dudes with brown hair and loafers who are tall (did I mention tall?) from living up to their potential as lovers? And why can’t they just overcome their own values and see someone like, say, a climate change “skeptic,” for who they are: a human being who just wanna fuck like you and me.

Alas:

When she first moved to DC, a former Obama White House staffer who now works at the Aspen Institute was set up on a date with a Republican who worked on Capitol Hill. “We had a really nice time, but at the end of the date, he told me he didn’t believe in global warming,” she says. “I started laughing, because I’m from Colorado and didn’t realize people actually didn’t believe in global warming. But he was serious.” They didn’t go out again.

The liberals interviewed for the article claimed that they can tell the difference between “those in favor of the administration and Never Trump-ers,” and a current White House staffer admitted she swiped left on liberal arts graduates and people who wore pussy hats in their pictures. But when it comes to not fucking conservatives, it seems like this really is a liberal problem. Good going biased LIBBOS!