Being able to shape your state of mind is key to maturity. While you certainly don’t want to micromanage the way you think (often it’s beneficial to just let your emotions roam rather than trying to control them), knowing how to take the reins in your head when you need to will help you strike that awesome balance between stability and spontaneity that is a hallmark of cool and positive people.

Much of the time, changing your state of mind is as easy focusing on your desire to feel something different and then to take action, and thus change your focus. But then, there are those times when you are stuck… when you cannot just shift. What do you do then?

Open yourself to the truth about how you feel, no matter how ugly it is. Do you feel confused? Dissatisfied? Like you are worthless? Make some times to have this dialogue with yourself. If you feel like you could cry, let yourself cry (you may not, which is fine). In order to heal, you need to find out the nature of all your wounds. It’s like pulling a loose tooth; it can be very uncomfortable, but the quicker you get through this discomfort that must be felt for you to move on, the quicker your state of mind will change.

Find out what is out of balance in your life right now. Where are these feelings coming from? Think about the things in your life that you have too little of, or too much of, or not the right mix of. Which of the wheels on your train, so to speak, is squeaking more than the others? Again, let the truth in; listen to yourself, your thoughts, your fears, your discomforts… they are pointing toward something. They will lead you in the right direction. Then, once your get to the truth,

Call out what’s holding you back. Define it. Yank it out of the darkness. Expose it! Say it out loud. Write it down. Write a poem about it. Sing a song that reminds you of it. The more you make it impossible for your problems to sit there and fester in the darkest corners of your mind, the easier it will become to deal with them–quickly. They’ll lose their fearsome power.

Start an activity that changes your state of mind. Not just anything, but something you always enjoy doing. Music does this for me–I can dance to it, I can sing it, I can play it on my piano. What do you do in your life that gets you groovin’? Do it!

Don’t forget to check your physical indicators. Did you sleep badly last night? Recovering from a cold? Are you dehydrated? Have you been eating well/properly? Are you in chronic pain or irritation of some sort? Is it too hot/too cold where you are? Is your breathing short [whether or not you find it difficult to breathe]? These things profoundly affect your state of mind. They are the gauges to your car, and if any of them is showing too low or too high, make it a priority to deal with it. Need sleep? Don’t make excuses–make time and space for sleep. Do what you can do to be right physiologically–it’s seriously important.

Turn to people who love you and whom you trust. When you’re just stuck in a rut, nothing works like having people who honestly care about you. Open up to them; let them hear your fears. Through your sharing and their listening, you will transfuse their energy into yourself, after which it will be easier to change your state of mind. Turn to more than one person if possible ; others also take on your energy to listen to you. The more people you can open up to, the more you can spread out this process and hear more angles on your situation while putting less pressure on each individual. It also gets less and less hard to explain and talk about as you go along.

Don’t wait to ask for help. We get into thinking that you should only ask for help if (A) what you need help with isn’t too big a deal, or (B) you’re desperate and really need the help. But if we asked for help more often when things are more serious than A but not yet as serious as B, we could avoid a lot more desperation before the fact. Ask for help, and take pride in the fact that you have the strength to ask, as opposed to taking pride in not asking. I’m proud that I know how to ask for help, like I did at the end of this blog post.

Finally, don’t get down on yourself if you can’t change things right away. They will change on their own.