rexomnia:

I might have posted about this before,and if I have… Well this is an update on my thoughts.This is sort of just commentary/rambles. I’m not coming out of this with a point or purpose. In college, there was a lot of self-discovery and reflection over my identity. More recently it’s been a matter of my ethnic identity.

Tracing back my ancestry, I’m not even purely Khmer. It doesn’t take many generations for me to find someone who wasn’t born Cambodian/Khmer. My paternal grandfather was born and raised in China. He spoke the Teochew dialect. Something about him I never knew until I asked my father while I was in college. He only moved to Cambodia for business and trade reasons. He settled into a life there and got married and had children.

His wife (my paternal grandmother) was half Thai. Her mother was born and raised in Thailand. I remember interacting with my great grandmother before she fell ill, and I think I remember her speaking Thai to me, but thought it was Khmer words I haven’t learned.

My maternal grandmother was half or full Hokkien Chinese. I know nothing of the culture. But she grew up learning Hokkien and Khmer. Khmer to get along with the other Cambodians and Hokkien to interact with her family.

My mother grew up learning only Khmer. She picked up some Vietnamese only for business. But the Hokkien ended with my grandmother. She didn’t bother teaching my mother Hokkien because she didn’t see a purpose for it. They lived in Cambodia and Khmer was the language.

My grandmother was a 1st generation Cambodian and my mother was a 2nd generation Cambodian. As I am a 1st generation American after both my parents immigrated, and if I have children, they’d be 2nd generation Americans. I think that’s how it works… 1st generation being native born.

I am basically like my mother and father who can recognize their parents’ native tongue, but cannot speak it fluently. Then my parents became like their parents who had to learn a second language and teach it to their children. And like their parents, they didn’t care to emphasize teaching me and my sister their native tongue. Because English is the language of Americans…

My parents were/are so proud of being “Khmer Chen” meaning ethnic Chinese Cambodians (it held them status… I’m not too familiar with the Indian caste system but it’s almost like that where last name matters). But what actually made them identify that way? They haven’t experienced Teochew or Hokkien culture. Everything they did was.. Cambodian. Festivals. Food. Language.

And that had me wondering why I even use the label Cambodian/Khmer American on myself. If I’m being accurate, I should really call myself a Teochew Hokkien Thai Khmer American. And I am still convinced that I must be part French somewhere because of the French control over Indochina way back when but you know whatevs.

I always called myself Khmer because I thought my parents were purely Khmer. Because that’s how they identified themselves here. We still take some Chinese and incorporate it into our language and culture. For example, I call my sister “Jai” and if I had an older brother he would be “Heir” when other Cambodians would call their older sibling “Bong.” I was told that it was because we were “part Chinese.”

Anyway, what it ended up coming down to was… That I use the label because it’s unique to both cultures… it’s a fusion. Its own subculture that had a very specific upbringing that isn’t just “Cambodian” or “American.” And if I go by that logic, I’m able to understand why my parents call them selves Khmer Chen. They must have had their own unique upbringing different from those of pure Teochew or Hokkien or Khmer children.