It was a rough night riddled with pain, anxiety, and insomnia when lo and behold, sleep (or perhaps sheer exhaustion) finally came around 7 AM. Hours later, I got woken up by the sound of my dogs barking, the doorbell ringing and an incessant knocking on my door. "Bleh!" I thought. "I'm still in bed. Whoever you are, go away!"

When the barking and yelping (Good grief, I hate my dogs sometimes!) finally quieted down I decided to get out of bed because I couldn't go back to sleep anymore despite a few attempts. I begrudgingly got out of bed, traipsed down the hallway, went downstairs and opened the front door letting the arctic cold air slap me in the face.

"Okay, I'm wide awake now. What gives?" I looked down and... "WHOA!! Amazon package?!" Could it really be what I think it is? YES!!

I quickly grabbed my package, saving it from the cold and before the notorious porch pirates make it their next target.

I hurried back up the stairs exclaiming with glee akin to a kid watching for the very first time, full of excitement mixed with wonder and anticipation that's coupled by a tinged of impatience, their ice-cream creation being made in front of them at the local Cold Stone Creamery. And then I opened my package...

"OH. MY. GOD." Was all I could say as one by one I pulled out package after package of beef jerky. Then documented via photos my small treasure trove of meaty goodness.

Then came another knock on the door... needless to say, my other package came and once again my Secret Santa surprised me with not one, not two, but 5 pairs of Rick and Morty themed socks!! Hooray! My feet have been saved from the icy fangs of the frosty winter demons. These "little piggies" will live to see Spring, after all. Perhaps a celebratory pedicure at the local day spa to celebrate its winter survival would be in order. That way, said "little piggies" could figuratively go "Wee wee wee!" all the way home safely tucked in my Rick and Morty themed socks.

I ripped open the first package of beef jerky marked "O.G. Hickory"... took a few bits of meaty morsels to my mouth and... "Holy shiitake mushrooms, Batman!" They were good, tasty, tender, and oh so righteously delicious!

As I'm typing this, however, the contents of said jerky package disappeared. As though it was zapped into another dimension. I didn't realize that I've been reaching into the bag and pinching off bits after bits until there weren't any jerky left. How could this be?? Who ate all my jerky??

Apparently, its delectable goodness causes brief short-term memory loss and extreme thirst. And with that, I donned my Wubba Lubba Dub Dub socks, went downstairs to get myself a bottle of water. And guess what? My feet weren't even cold.

Thank you, Secret Santa!!

THE END.