Photo: Noam Galai/Getty Images

If Colin Farrell had Ewan McGregor’s penis, he’d be whipping it out constantly. Farrell told Nylon Guys, of McGregor (who is on the magazine’s March cover),“I don’t think Ewan is as proud of his penis as most men who are as well hung would — or should — or could be.” And the fact that McGregor won’t tell you about his huge dick himself is a sign of his fine moral character. “I think that’s the greatest demonstration of his innate humility,” Farrell added, “that he doesn’t wear it like a badge of honor.”

First, I am shocked that men don’t logroll in this way more often. Second: Is dick-humility even a virtue? Have some pride, Ewan! Say yes to a wide-angle shower scene. Buy yourself a nice Rick Owens tunic. Take off your undies and go for a jog.