In October we asked the MTA if they would ever consider an etiquette campaign in the subway system—that place where you last saw your Your Faith In Humanity, before it was stomped underfoot by a nail-clipping pole-hugger who just had to eat his tuna salad omelette on the train that one morning.

At the time, the MTA's Adam Lisberg told us, "If systems all over the world have been trying and failing to curb bad behavior for decades [ahem], why do we think we would suddenly discover the magic bullet to get people to change?" Just last week, however, the MTA announced they would be launching a new etiquette campaign next year. Still, "People literally never learn," Lisberg told us. They do, however, come up with new ways to horrify us—below, a list of all the terrible things we've seen on the subway system, ranked.

45. Bowling: This includes both regular bowling, and bro-wling. The subway isn't a frat house.

44. Bringing Your Inflatable Beach Scene On The Train: It happens.

43. Flash Mobs: Not down there, not up here, not anywhere. Unless it is damn good.

42. Pets Out Of CarriersCome ON lady.

41. Busking: Buskers on a platform and buskers in a subway car are very different things, and both can be wonderful (from sax battles to that woman who belted out Beyonce), you know? But if you are doing something like, say, this:

That's a no.

40. Music Without Headphones: We're sure you have great taste in music, but no one wants to hear it, especially not blaring out of your shitty device into the acoustically imperfect subway car.

39. It's SHOOOOOOWTIME! These guys have talent, but if you prefer not having your face kicked in, this is the last thing you want to hear on a crowded subway car.



(Mark S./Gothamist)

38. Hanging Your Clothes On The Overhead Poles: See what's going on up there? Never do that.

37. BYO-Chair: Don't be this guy.

36. Bringing Large Pieces Of Furniture On The Train: We do understand that in order to transport things in this city, the most budget-friendly way can be via public transportation. But if it's your washing machine that you need to haul somewhere, keep it above ground. Besides, a personal washing machine is the NYC Dream, don't flaunt it.



(Photo by Shawn Ferreyra)

35. Taking Off Your Shoes: Your feet smell, trust us. And while one must admire the above devil-may-care attitude, one must also be horrified at the thick film of dirt on those bare feet, which are now pressed firmly against a subway surface that your child will probably lick later, because kids.

34. Bringing Your Surfboard On The Train: There's a right way and there's a wrong way. Choose correctly.

33. Bringing Your Bike On The Train: Unless it's raining, you blew out a tire, or your injured yourself, keep your wheels on the pavement.



(Photo by Bradley Nicholson)

32. Transporting Your Christmas Tree: Walk it home, Clark W. Griswold.

31. Performance Art: Sorry you didn't get into Pratt but Subway University is rejecting you, too.

30. Pet Rats: No one wants to see this. Right? Well, maybe #28 does.

29. Leaving Your Dead Shark On The Train: That's just sad, man.

28. Snakes On The Train: Snakes are scary and slithery and please don't do this.



(Original photo via imjustsayin's flickr)

27. Backpacks: If you are traveling in the oft-crowded subway system with a backpack, please take it off your back and hold it down by your feet. When you do not do this, and insist on wearing it, you are knocking over your fellow straphangers like dominos and taking up valuable space.

26. Eating: This is a complex issue. Are you eating a granola bar on your way to work? You could get a pass for that. But if you're stuffing your face with smelly fast food, or eating anything that requires utensils, you will become the most hated person on your train car. At press time we're still on the fence of wheels of cheese—maybe if you share?

25. Trimming Hair: You could be Zooey Deschanel getting your bangs trimmed, and this would still not be okay. Hair should remain attached to your scalp, nose, and wherever until you get home.

24. Flossing: Yes, it's gross.

23. Nail Clipping: The noise, the pieces of your body flicking off in the direction of strangers... really, just anything hygiene related should happen behind closed doors.

22. Littering: This is why the saying "this is why we can't have nice things" exists. Grow up and throw your trash away, monsters. If you don't, the rats will come for you. One day. They'll come.



The Lean (Jen Chung/Gothamist)

21. Leaning: This includes leaning on the pole, which blocks others from being able to hold on to it, but there's also a lesser seen lean, the kind shown above. This lean is equally annoying, even if just to the one person being effected by it.

20. Pole Hugging With Your Arm: There are only so many places to hold on to while on a moving train, and if you do this you are you are blocking other people from holding on.

19. Pole Hugging With Your Butt Same as above, but way worse.



(Photo by Peter Davis)

18. Nakedness: Especially if it turns you on.

17. Train Fall This is a classic rookie mistake: the doors have shut and the train is about to pull out when some novice commuter decides to sit down next to you. Just as the subway newb is sinking down toward the seat, the train lurches forward, and the stranger tumbles right into your lap, tragically crumpling your New Yorker. Timing is everything, people.

16. Stuff On Seat Those seats are for people, not your banana peel.

15. Feet on the SeatDon't be this guy.

14. Invading Personal Space: Our intern Angely Mercado has this creepy tale from the underground: "Some guy sniffed my hair on the train once during high school... Apparently he was complementing my shampoo...it was still creepy though."

13. Phone Noise: Are you playing a game on your phone? Can everyone else hear it? Are you an adult? The "bleep blop bloops" coming from your iPhone are driving everyone around you mad.

12. Pretending Not To Notice The Elderly/Disabled/Pregnant Person Who Needs A Seat: A subway seat is often a hard-won luxury, so when someone truly in need of one enters the train car, an interesting phenomenon occurs. Suddenly, eyes that were looking around are suddenly glued to their smartphone.

11. Door Blocking: Doorways are fantastic portals that allow you entry into new spaces. When they are blocked, the universe becomes dull... and humans start shoving.

10. Entering the Train Before People Are Out: People, the train isn't going to leave until everyone is off, so let them off before you get on. This is how it works! Why does this even need to be explained? PHYSICS.



Spreadin' on the subway: always a DON'T

9. Vertical Man Spread: You think man spread only goes in one direction? Wrong. Those legs can also be pushed into the aisles of the train. Ladies, you are guilty, too.

8. Horizontal Man Spread: This is the Classic Man Spread pose, legs wide open and taking up valuable seat space because you're such a big man a single seat couldn't possibly contain you.

7. Spitting

6. Picking Your Nose: Watch the above video, if you dare.

5. Zit Popping: NO, NEVER.

4. PDA... but not just any PDA, blowjobs, specifically. Which brings us to...

3. Disposing of Your Used Condom on a Train Car: This is not okay behavior.

2. Smoking: This isn't just annoying, it's not healthy for anyone trapped on that car. Unless it's a joint, in which case please pass it around.

Is a drumroll or a sad trombone more appropriate here?

1. Using the Train Car As Your Personal Bathroom: We've been sent a lot of photos showing things that no one should ever see, particularly on the subway, and to this day this one remains the most horrifying. Seriously, don't even click that link.