CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

The Nightwatchman Prime Minister is a big fan of women, the youth, and the disabled. As of 48 hours ago.

After a shocking week that has seen the lower-order leader of the Coalition Government attempting to strike in rapidly worsening light, his allies at Newscorp have come steaming in like dark clouds from the west with a poorly thought-out Labor hitjob story about rival Shorten’s late mother.

It’s for this reason that the Nightwatchman Prime Minister has come out on the front foot at today’s official party launch and announced never-before heard policies aimed at appealing to the less privileged.

It’s an effort appeal to society’s least represented and most vulnerable demographics – who make up a much bigger population than the Liberal Party has traditionally been willing to acknowledge.

But this new Liberal Party rebrand that paints them as the political party for the battler – doesn’t mean Morrison is trying to cut ties with his elitist predecessors.

In fact, through the marvels of social media, Morrison has been able to appear on stage with both former Prime Minister Abbott and Turnbull.

“It was just like Coachella” said Hugo Griffintley-Angusson, a Young Liberal candidate who had attended the event in an effort to impress his cold-hearted father.

“It was so good to see them back on stage together”

“How good’s Tony? How good’s Mal?” the Nightwatchman Prime Minister offered as he took to the stage having been introduced by his mother, wife and daughters.

“They are good blokes. We love them. Haha”

“Is Johnny here?” he asked the crowd, who went immediately quiet.

“Oh yeah…” he said before trailing off.

“Anyway. Would have been great if that whole thing remained under a gag order….”

“But the fact is… I do have my most recent leader here with me and I am very ambitious for them”