I’m so burned out today. I did an interview this afternoon with St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital and I was a bit nervous about that. I think it went well and I should have that for you all in a couple of weeks, maybe soon. It all depends on how I manage the schedule.

We’re on day 52 of lockdown and it’s fair to say that it getting to all of us at this point.

I tried getting the kids to leave the house and while Elliott and Emmett were on board, Gavin flat out refused. We’re in a situation where we all go or no one goes. There is no chance that I would leave Gavin home alone, unmedicated and in the middle of a global pandemic. I don’t feel comfortable forcing him to go because his fear is well founded. We ended up not going anywhere and that was frustrating.

Finding some kind of functional routine is proving to be very, very difficult. The kids are resistant to any further changes but without a routine, they are going to continue to struggle more than may be necessary.

Autistic kids thrive on routine. They need a rigid structure in their life, regardless of whether or not they say they want it. Structure and routine provide predictability, comfort and sense of security for them. It can also make life a bit more manageable for parents as well.

I just cannot get a routine to stick and I think that it’s largely my fault. I’m struggling with depression so motivation and I are not good friends. I’m exhausted and implementing something as significant as a new routine, requires a great deal of everything that I don’t currently have in stock.

I feel like we’re just sorta floating along and not getting anything done. That’s incredibly frustrating because I need to make some progress in this area.

It’s not all bad. As I’m writing this, Elliott and Emmett are playing with Legos together on the living room floor. There’s no fighting and Elliott is actually engaging with his little brother in a positive way. That’s something that has been more challenging lately. He’s at that age where he wants to be more independent and not necessarily hanging out with his family.