In any other setting, a haphazard bowl full of translucent iceberg lettuce and a few tomato slices of questionable origin (grown under someone’s bed, right? In a shoe?) would be cause for concern. But at a Japanese restaurant, it might as well warrant a ticker tape parade. Because everyone knows what limp lettuce really means. The magic I speak of is of course Carrot Ginger Dressing.

As you shovel what might be a sliced radish but could be a fingernail in your mouth, all that matters is that irresistibly soupy substance with its neon orange glow. It beams gloriously from atop the once-maybe-greens it’s no doubt slathered on. And with each fork-full (and your fork is full – chopsticks need not apply), very rational thoughts cross your mind. Thoughts like, “I would eat this off a corpse. You don’t even have to ask me twice. Or once. I’ll do it.” Or “if I brush my teeth with Carrot Ginger Dressing, I won’t even have to finish that sentence because it makes so much sense.” And “where’s that corpse I was promised?” Rational things, yes.

I’ve purposely left this recipe on its own because I’d hate to stifle your creativity. I want to to know all the wonderful people, places, things, and past-their-prime vegetables you douse it on. Occasionally made sans carrot if you’re some sort of lunatic, (Carrot) Ginger Dressing can be various consistencies. I like my Carrot Ginger Dressing like I hate myself: on the chunkier side. I’ve had thin and thick versions alike in my time and to me, the magic is in the heavy texture of the carrots and ginger. Watery Carrot Ginger Dressings just don’t cut it. Go big, go beautiful, go eat the little bit you just accidentally dropped on the floor. I got dibs on what’s stuck in your teeth.

CARROT GINGER DRESSING

13-14 servings, 2 tablespoons/30g each

adapted from some AllRecipes.com thing

ingredients:

2 cups (250g) peeled carrots, roughly chopped

¼ cup minced ginger

3-4 cloves of garlic, minced

¼ + 2 tablespoons olive or grape seed or whatever oil, divided

¼ cup reduced sodium soy sauce

1 tablespoon lite seasoned rice vinegar

2 teaspoons whole grain mustard

1 teaspoon pure cane (Zulka!) sugar

¼ teaspoon ground ginger

I like to spread carrot ginger dressing on my carrot ginger dressing to cut out the middle man…

Get out your handy dandy food processor or Ninja chopper or friendly neighborhood ninja looking for work. Pulse your carrots a few times. Scrape down the sides with a spatula and toss in the ginger and the garlic. Pulse some more. Alternate adding portions of the oil with pulsing the food processor, scraping down the sides between pulses. Add the remaining ingredients. Keep processing til it’s at a consistency you like. I suggest chunky as fuck.

NUTRITION:

72 calories // 3g carbs // 6g fat // 1g protein // 0g fiber // 2g sugar

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