As we can see above, when you improve your value, your demand will also improve from D1 to D3; your price increases (and so does the amount of dates you get in general).

As you decrease your value, your demand moves from D1 to D2; your price decreases, and so does your price and quantity of dates.

As every person has to find a partner that is good for them, and for whom they are good for. Each person has advantages and disadvantages. So you will have to decide how to advertise to the market you both want to be part of. I could write for literally weeks on the various factors, but I’ve chosen to try and keep it general; I’ve also tried to keep it scientific and as supported by evidence as possible to avoid hurt feelings. Here are some of the factors that can raise your general value across the market. Don’t forget; individuals have their own preferences, but these speak for the general rules of demand.

Race Against Time

Jon Birgir (2015) explains that the longer someone stays in the dating game, the less likely they are succeed. Birgir provides a simple example.

Imagine there are 40 women and 30 men from the above ratio of college educated people. Once half of those women are married, it becomes 20 women, and 10 men; a ratio of 2 women to 1 man. The dating game in education becomes more pro-male as time moves on; the smartest move in this scenario is to move quickly. Hence the prevalence of women who “pre-order” husbands by snagging them in college/university before their value grows exponentially in their career.

This is why women feel dating gets harder over time until their early 30’s; it’s a demographic problem. Not only that; but men are attracted to youth, and men are attracted to fertility (Miller and Maner, 2009). Whereas women are attracted to older men; it’s called the ”George Clooney Effect”. Again; time weighs against women, but helps men. As Birgir (2015) says, it’s not a call for women to stop focusing on their career, but to quote Meg Jay (2013), it’s that women should be focusing on developing their potential relationships alongside their careers in their 20’s, not later.



Personal Capital

Psychologist Meg Jay (2013) talks about increasing your ‘identity capital’. Not all value is external; being a good person, being a kind or funny person, developing your self-control, and reducing your vices and weaknesses will improve your demand in the long term.

For example, volunteering is a good way to build personal capital, improve the world, and make yourself more attractive; Moore et. al. (2013) found that volunteering makes you more attractive in the long-term sexual relationships, and for men as a short-term fling. It doesn’t help women in the short-term fling, however; men will sleep with women with or without volunteering.

General behaviour can affect your chances; for example, when men act more mindful in their behaviour, women are more attracted (Janz et. al., 2015). There is plenty of literature to say that men and women both like people who laugh at their jokes, and women find men who play, listen to, and compose more complex music to be more attractive (Charlton, 2014). In short; be a fun and good person to be around. Have a hobby (and a unique hobby helps make you a distinct, and therefore scarcer person), have fun, be kind, be polite, and be good. Not too hard, right?

There are also negative effects on your personal capital on the dating market. These, however, are harder to find data for reasons I am sure you can imagine.

I’ll pick two common ones. Criminal behaviour makes you less attractive for long-term relationships. It was found that taking modern day risks such as drug-taking or not wearing a seat belt makes you less attractive to both sexes (Petraitis et. al., 2014). Criminal behaviour in turn is linked to low education and income, and will in turn lead to low education and income, reducing your attractiveness. In short; don’t commit crimes if you’d like to find a good partner.

Another is being divorced. Why? Because these people have a higher risk of divorcing you later (Banschick, 2012). Humans can be rational, and why take additional, known, and tested risk? I’m not saying that people should stay in bad marriages; but it does reduce your level of attractiveness as a partner in the long-run. Any previous behaviour in relationships can be used to judge your future behaviour in relationships; this is why banks run credit scores when determining if you’re a good investment. Make sure you do not overlook risky previous behaviour.

When evaluating yourself, it is best to be honest. Does this behaviour or personality trait make me better or worse to date? Is over-drinking going to make me more or less of a catch? Being a single parent (both men and women suffer being single parents) make you more date-able or less so? If they are a single parent, are they good parents? Kind, loving, and hard-working? Are you more date-able because you procrastinate, watch T.V., or have a job you despise? If there is a trait that is bringing you down, change it if you can, and accept it if you can’t and try to handle it as well as you can.

Education

We have an entire part about about this already; in the current circumstances, it is beneficial for men to have a higher education as it increases their demand in a market that has a shortage of men. Currently, in the West, a woman who increases her education finds herself in a position to either date down, or struggle comparatively to find a partner (Birgir, 2015).

Birgir (2015) tells a story of when he is at Sarah Lawrence University of 75% of women, that the men at that university enjoy near-limitless free sex and power. At that same time, a male student said that there is no culture of monogamy due to this massive advantage.

If you are struggling with this, consider dating someone who doesn’t have a higher education to solve this issue.



Deal Breakers

When choosing a market, having a niche demand can make a smaller market of buyers can compensate for having less people. Oyer (2015) mentions that when a demand is a dealbreaker, going for a smaller market can still pay off as people who have the same dealbreaker are more likely to engage in a relationship with you.

Identifying your dealbreakers, and finding a market who will agree with those dealbreakers can pay off well in finding a high-value partner. A famous example would be a religious restriction; for example, if you only date Jews, then cutting out all non-Jews will remove a lot of fluff from your market, and you’ll be well-served to go to a synagog to find the highest concentration of other people who only date Jews.

That said, if your dealbreakers are too many, then you eliminate too many people from your dating pool (Oyers, 2015). This has two knock-on effects; the first being that you make your dating pool too small to be successful. The second being that you reduce the relative size of your supply of dates, thus reducing your own relative scarcity value. Make sure to identify your specific deal breakers.

Presenting Yourself

Oyer (2015) points out that people are ‘statistically discriminating’. That when information is presented with one trait, people will assume other traits. Some examples are racial or gender profiling. He provides a dating example:

Let’s say you write on your profile that you are ‘separated’. This can have three meanings: 1) You’re a nice guy who just wants to give dating another go 2) You’re a guy who plans to get back to his wife one day 3) You’re a guy who is cheating on his wife.

When you present that single piece of information (having ‘separated’), people will save themselves a lot of time and effort and assume negative information (2 and 3) based on that. This in turn drives down the demand for you. We all know the jokes: “Non-athletic” means “fat”, or “looking to settle down” means “has an interesting past”, but the fact is, people do precisely that.

As such, in the absence of other people being verified for their attributes, it is best to ‘signal’; to have some proof that separates you from the ‘fakers’. The ‘signal’ has to be correlated to your qualification in this attribute, and something a ‘faker’ cannot do (Oyer, 2015).

Learning how to present and sell yourself is absolutely a part of dating; to ensure you don’t reduce your own price and end up with someone of lesser value, you must learn to sell yourself to your highest (honest) value. Even a wonderful car can’t be sold with a bad salesman.

In terms of your photo, a report found that women found pride in men to be the most attractive, and men found happiness in women to be the most attractive (Tracy and Beall, 2011). Vacharkulksemsuk et. al., (2016) found that expansive postures and perceived dominant behaviour was more attractive. Ancient risk-taking behaviour (such as hunting, rock-climbing) is seen as more attractive (Petraitis et. al., 2014). I hope all of these help your general photo taking skills, as for many types of dating, a photo is part one.

Physical Appearance

Let’s be honest; healthy and physically beautiful/handsome people are more attractive than trolls and goblins. It’s not just me, here is a list of data to prove it. More physically attractive people are more likely to be messaged. Hence why people fake more attractive photos (OkCupid, 2010). It’s a supported fact; men like good looking women (Oyer, 2015). Scholes (1997) found that men ordered brides who are beautiful. Chinese men chose their brides based on the potential beauty of their wives and potential children (Tsoi and Chen, 2019). Janz et. al. (2015) found that the largest predictor of male attraction is physical appearance.

So if you want to get a more attractive man, you need to be more attractive. This is why gay men trying to get men are often obsessed with their bodies to the point of mental illness (Arnold, 2018). Men know what men like.



Cleanliness and Grooming

Firstly, being clean and groomed improves your confidence, which in turn improves your dating life. Even the confidence from wearing new deodorant makes a difference (Lebowitz, 2016). Not only that, but the actual wearing of deodorant and otherwise smelling nice makes you more attractive (Roberts et. al., 2009).

In short; be clean, and you’ll be both confident (which helps you) and hygienic (which helps them).

Wealth

I’m sure it’s shocking, but women like men who make money (Oyer, 2015). Therefore, men who make more money get more messages (OkCupid, 2010):