We’d be total shits if it wasn’t for Jesus, admit Christians

Christian organisations have called AC Grayling’s ‘Atheist Bible’ complete nonsense by insisting that if it wasn’t for Jesus they would all be complete and utter shitbags.

The Good Book is Grayling’s attempt to show that inherent kindness is a feature of evolution and bound tightly into our genetic make-up, not the result of an invisible deity threatening people with an eternity in a fiery Hell – a claim refuted by Christians everywhere.

Regular church attendee Troy Williams told us, “I can’t speak for all Christians, but if it weren’t for Jesus Christ our saviour I’d be out there raping and pillaging right now. How do you explain that mister science man?”

“You can’t, can you? Jesus has turned me from a potentially violent criminal into an insufferably tedious bore. Hallelujah!”

“This book and all it’s stories about how people are nice to each other just ‘because’ is load of old twaddle. God told me that in a dream I had last night.”

AC Grayling’s Atheist Bible

Other Christians have insisted that if people are inherently nice, why is everyone so incredibly mean to them when they knock on their front doors trying to spread the word of God.

Christian Margaret Shilling of East Kilbride told us, “It doesn’t make sense, if people were inherently ‘good’ we’d always be invited in for a cup of tea and a biscuit whilst we lectured you on how letting Jesus into your life can rob you of half your weekend every single week.”

“Instead we get sworn at, shouted at through letter boxes and one man threw a bucket of piss at us from his bedroom window. How is that good?”

AC Grayling defended this behaviour saying, “I’ll bet anyone who’s ever had a religious cold-caller had a smile on their face reading that – so there’s your kindness to your fellow man, right there.”

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