The following article was originally printed in 1988.

President Ronald Reagan has been rescued, much to the relief of 58.8% of the US Population. Surprising to many, the team of rescuers were not the Secret Service, Special Forces, or any secret agents employed by the government. Instead, it was the work of two street toughts named Blade and Striker.

Everyone knows that the ninja related crimes are rampant, and the White House was no exception. Ninjas, specifically the Dragon Ninja, kidnapped the president. The secret service was unable to stop them. Thought one may question why, we all know that is not important.

Now, many might make mistakes at this point. Some have stated the Secret Service should have activated the Counter Assault Team to rescue the President. This is unfeasible as it was not technically an “assault” but rather a kidnapping. Others have suggested the military, specifically Delta Force. This options was considered, but then the helicopters broke down, so that was not an option.

Fortunately, the Special Agent in Charge of the security detail knew just what to do. He went to an alley in New York City and informed two men, the aforementioned Blade and Striker, that the president had kidnapped by ninjas and asked them if they were bad enough dudes to rescue him.

The challenged proved sufficient to get these rough men to take on the task. What followed was a rough and tumble brawl, fighting off ninjas of unusual abilities. But in the end, the president was rescued. In gratitude the president officially recognized them as Bad Dudes and treated them to hamburgers.

We also would like to add: Thank you Blade and Striker, you are truly Bad Dudes and the nation is in your debt.