Yes, I drink!

I drink, and I shamelessly judge the ones who judge me for that.

Gulp Gulp! Bring them Tequila shots already

“Do not drink because alcohol kills you.” No it doesn’t. Excess of it, like excess of everything else, does “Do not drink because drunk people are bad.” Bad people, with or without the high, are bad “Do not drink because the gods don’t like it.” They can, and will have to, adjust

You need a few shots to get confident and to break the ice with that blind date of yours. After all, you lied to her about the height (of your body, for god’s sake). Oh dear, Tinder couple!

You need alcohol to stand strong with your opinions against your friends’ at three in the night. The moon was definitely 84.725 percent visible. He must be blind to end up with an absurd figure of 89.23.

You need to be high to showcase your dance moves on a song you’ve never heard before. The beats were amazing but what did you say its language was? I swear it sounded like Mandarin.

While you do not need alcohol to have fun, a glass in hand surely aids the process and if the presence or even a talk of alcohol can help one get started in 5 minutes as opposed to 20, the person better save that quarter of an hour for after-party.

Articles on web talking about various health risks can scare the bravest of us, but all of them seem to sprinkle one or the other synonym of “heavy drinking” or “habitual drinking”. As long as you are not gulping every day and are not on a bottoms up spree, you are going to wake up just fine.

A Wild Dog is more likely to kill you than a Black Dog. Hangover over rabies! Lemons over injections!

Shifting to the other end of spectrum, some articles cannot shut up about the never-ending health benefits of alcohol:

Red wine can actually burn fat

Whiskey can help a sore throat

Drinking moderately can improve sexual function in men. And for women, it offers libido-boosting powers

Beer can help you recover faster post-workout

Beer can strengthen your bones

Beer lowers heart attack risks in women

Tequila can help you lose weight

and a hundred more..

(Source: Eat This, Not That)

Switching over to the morality of alcoholism, there has been a long history of societies regarding drinkers as sinful and immoral, and then there were some that blamed alcohol for any mishappening taking place in the society. The above-mentioned societies were narrow-minded at best and foolish at worst.

Satan if you drink, saint if you don’t.

Alcohol doesn’t create a robbery plan for the robbery. The robber does.

There are three universal scapegoats for each and every problem in the society: politicians, our “better” halves and the fancy bottle of alcohol.

Coming to the hottest topic of them all: God and his/her/its/their dislike for alcohol

Many parents tactically slip “Don’t do this! God is watching you” in the argument whenever they want to stop their children from doing something.

Let us try working through this problem using one of the most common forms of indirect proofs: proof by contradiction

Initial conclusion

Gods dislike people who drink

Assumptions

All gods exist They are just and fair

Process

Every human being, at some point or the other, has eaten grains. Gods like at least one human being in this world. This implies that gods do not dislike humans for their grain-eating habits.

Every human being, at some point or the other, has tasted fermented curd. Gods like at least one human being in this world. This implies that gods do not dislike humans for eating fermented food.

From the above two points, we can say that gods neither mind grains nor fermentation. Since we have assumed that gods exist and are just and fair, we can say that they do not dislike people who eat fermented grains.

Since many alcoholic drinks are made out of fermented grains, gods do not dislike people who drink and that, surprise surprise, contradicts our initial conclusion

Final conclusion

Gods like people who drink.

What are you waiting for? Go grab that wooden beer barrel and make it easy for gods to like you.

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