

Writer: Dan Parent*

Pencils: Dan Parent*

Inking: Jon D’Agostino*

Lettering: Bill Yoshida*

Coloring: Barry Grossman*

Editor: Victor Gorelick

Editor-in-Chief: Richard Goldwater

Original Publication: Cheryl Blossom, No. 19

Cover Date: February, 1999

Length: 5 pages

*Only the lead story in the issue is credited. I assume the credits apply to all of the stories.

Cheryl walks by and notices a “monstrosity”, so she asks Ethel what it is. Ethel explains it’s their “Riverdale Christmas Carol Float”. All of the “districts” (school districts?) in the county are eligible to enter “it” (presumably, she means a float of their own) in the Christmas parade. Cheryl thinks it’s corny. Ethel says they’re sure to win, because Betty is “the best chorus leader around”. So…are they supposed to stand on the float and sing? And what are they going to be judged on? Best performance, best float, or a combination of the two? Anyway, Cheryl is suddenly “feeling a bit festive”.

At her mansion (I guess), Cheryl’s trying to get her Pembrooke schoolmates to enter the contest with her. I recognize Bunny, and I think that’s Cedric, but I don’t recognize the third person (looks like a pointy-nosed Dilton without glasses). Cheryl wants to outdo “those Riverdale schmos”. Bunny says that’s not good enough for them. Cheryl walks off, deciding to hire some singers of her own.

She hires “the famous Broadway singer and dancer, Tommy Tuned”, who arrives at her mansion with his dancers. Cheryl’s ready to practice, but she falls on her ass. Tommy realizes he has his work cut out for him.

Eventually, wearing a leotard, aerobics leggings, and leg warmers, Cheryl asks Tommy how she’s doing. He tells her that she’s as good as she’s going to be. Someone arrives and informs Cheryl that her float is ready. She and Tommy go to take a look. It consists of green “grass” and a bunch of presents under a tree. The tree is black and has Cheryl’s face on it. A sign proclaims “Have a Cheryl Christmas”. Tommy says it’s tacky, even in Las Vegas. Cheryl thinks it’s beautiful.

On the big day, Cheryl is optimistic of her chances of winning as she rides in the truck carrying her float. Unfortunately, a parade official informs her that she can’t enter the float, because it’s not registered. A disappointed Cheryl says nobody told her about it (that’s on her; she should have checked the requirements). He tells her to take the float out of here. Cheryl decides to go on her “own route” and tells the driver to go down Elm Street. He tries to warn her, but she screams at him, and he makes a right. Elm Street comes out on the main parade route. So, um, why was that parade official so far away from the actual parade? And is Cheryl so inept that she arrived late for a parade that’s already in progress?

Anyway, Elm Street’s very hilly. Betty and Archie are watching nearby, and Betty notes the “Vegas nightmare” is coming their way. Cheryl’s float crashes into Betty’s float (the truck somehow disappears in all of this). Betty, Archie, and Dilton are knocked over. Betty stands up and laments they’ll never win now.

Soon, after the mess is cleaned up, someone announces the winner: Riverdale Elementary School. The kids are happy. Ever the opportunist, Cheryl asks some of the “kiddies” if they need a “perky spokesperson”. This confuses the kids.

This story has way too much going on for its short length. It would have been better as a two-parter – or just cut the singing aspect entirely and have it be a simple Christmas float contest.

The story is followed by a two-page “Dear Cheryl” advice column.

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