President Trump Shoots “Annoying” Migrant Child Three Times During Detention Center Visit then Blames Democrats

El Paso — President Donald Trump shot an eight-year-old Guatemalan child during a surprise New Year’s Eve visit to the Casa Padre detention center in Brownsville, TX.

The President claims he was “attacked by an annoying migrant child” during his visit. The violence escalated after the child, Aña de Leòn Guerra, purportedly attacked the President. President Trump shot her three times in the chest.

The altercation comes nearly three years after President Trump bragged that he “could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and wouldn’t lose voters.”

Customs and Border Protection Commissioner, Kevin McAleenan, claims that eight-year-old Ańa “opened up her arms wide and ran up to the President with a big, maniacal smile, while yelling in some language that sounded close to Spanish.” “The President—fearing for his life—instinctively reached for the Colt 45 that he carries at all times whenever he visits a detention center. Although the death of any child is a terrible tragedy, President Trump acted on an impulse that likely saved his life.”

President Trump announced an impromptu speech at the detention center as a medical emergency team rushed to the scene. De Leòn Guerra was pronounced dead shortly after the medical team arrived.

“Although this is just terrible, terrible news, this is just the sort of thing that happens when we allow dangerous migrants to illegally cross our borders. Little Ańa was a poor, misguided child likely working as a gang member and drug smuggler—probably for the very dangerous and violent MS-13 gang—and she came at me like a wild animal. If only the Democrats would stop playing political games and work with Republicans on some common sense border policy—like funding the Wall—then tragic events like this could be avoided,” said President Trump wearing his signature “Make America Great Again” hat and waving his still-loaded pistol in the air.



The White House has not released an official statement, presumably because White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders is struggling to find a way to spin the story.

Leading Democrats have unanimously called for the President’s immediate impeachment, with Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren saying, “This is utterly unacceptable, disgusting, and a total disgrace to our nation. The world over will watch as our President slaughters innocent children. This man is a sociopathic murderer and we can no longer afford to have him in power.”

The President has repeatedly attacked Democrats for refusing to fund his border wall, and has blamed them for the deaths of two other migrant children.

The mother of Ańa de Leòn Guerra was held in another detention center along the border in New Mexico and is being transported by CBP to Casa Padre.