Photo Credit: time.com

I have been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend Nicole since June of 2019 after I graduated from my master’s program at San Francisco State University and she graduated from the University of California, Davis (the school where we met and I graduated from in 2017) and after months of long periods of texting, calling, and messaging separated by our visits to see each other once a month, I felt like sharing our latest story in this commitment we have to each other. Whether you are or aren’t in a relationship and whether you live with your partner or are also going through long distance, I hope that this and future articles can either inspire you or encourage you to evaluate your relationship and how you overcome adversity.

Thursday, January 16, 2020

I send Nicole a text around 8 am to wish her a happy birthday, which she responds to with concern that she thought I would forget her birthday. Usually I text her right before my shift at work starts at 7 am but I arrived just in time to clock in and then I got some work done first. Nicole doesn’t start work until 9 am so she usually anticipates hearing from me as she is getting ready. Though it didn’t seem like a big deal for me at first, I realized that when things get thrown off their rhythm in long distance relationships, they actually are a big deal. We eventually FaceTimed when we were both home from work. I finish work at 3:30 pm and she finishes at 6 pm, meaning it’s my responsibility to get what I can done before it’s time to call. I pack my suitcase, work out, shower, the only thing I can’t control when someone else in my family cooks is when dinner happens. When we did call a weight was lifted off the shoulders.

When things get hectic, texting is the most convenient option. But it isn’t always the right one. Nicole feels like when we call or FaceTime we feel closer together than we text. That is why I strive to call her at least three times a week if not more. That number may seem high to some people and low to some others but I think it’s a good amount of time. Obviously if we were living together I would be visiting her in person more often than that, but for now this is a good system we had. We both expressed our excitement for my visit tomorrow and despite a shaky start, it was a happy birthday after all.

Friday, January 17, 2020

Stepping off the plane and seeing Nicole at the airport was great as usual. The drive home had some more complex conversations. The long distance relationship began to take a toll on her. This was not the first time we confronted this reality. It was a tough decision to make every since I first moved. But as we arrived at her home, we reaffirmed our devotion to one another. I happily gave her the birthday presents and we began our weekend together relaxing and catching up. Even though it’s tough to hear that your partner is struggling with a long distance relationship, it only reaffirmed why I want to be with her. We have established enough trust and honest that we can have these conversations and find solutions, whether it be short term or long term.

Saturday, January 18, 2020

We spent the majority of the day in Monterey, mostly eating at some of our favorite restaurants and witnessing the amazing marine life at the Monterey Bay Aquarium. Nicole is a huge Disney fan so of course we made many Finding Nemo and Finding Dory references along the way. The drive to and from Monterey was pretty fun too. We compromised: on the way there we listened to her music playlist, and on the way back we listened to my podcasts. Our interests may not always line up across the board but we make a genuine effort to meet each other halfway and learn about those interests. I am not saying you have to like everything your partner likes, but a little goes along way. A relationship is about cultivating a life together whether you are newly dating, serious, married, or in another situation. If you aren’t willing to do that, you should ask yourself why you want to pursue that relationship in the first place.

Sunday, January 19, 2020

Visiting Nicole on the weekends means Friday and Saturday are easier than Sunday because of one factor: the Sunday goodbye. For the most part, everything went well. We explored her hometown and walked around before watching her San Francisco 49ers comfortably defeat the Green Bay Packers. I am a big Oakland (sorry, Las Vegas…that’ll take some getting used to) Raiders fan so as much as I normally don’t enjoy the 49ers succeeding, I am happy Nicole and her family got to be happy.

One of the last things Nicole and I did after enjoying dinner together was have an honest conversation about our future as we tend to have. This being our first time meeting up in 2020 when we hope to be reunited in some way by the time she finishes grad school in 2022 it felt even more vivid because the goal feels ever so closer. It is kind of like running a marathon. On one hand, the closer you get to the goal the more determined you are to reach it. On the other hand, the running you’ve done to get to this point will decrease your stamina. My partner is someone who will ask for reassurance every now and then, which is normal especially in long distance relationships. On my part, I have never shied from providing that reassurance because I know in my heart we both want this to work.

The moral of this story is relationships need goals to look forward to and that keeps both parties in mind. You and your partner may live in different cities and different career paths but the more you talk and plan together, the more you can enjoy the down time knowing things will eventually lead to a shared future. I look forward to being there for Nicole during the blues so that we can grow even stronger together and enjoy the blessings of our relationship.