Photo by Paul Brown

While listening to Mötley Crüe’s just-released Greatest Hits album—their fifth, if you’re counting—you should expect to experience a wide range of seemingly conflicting emotions. During the first few cuts, you’ll likely be smirking. “Seriously?” you’ll wonder aloud. “Does anybody over the age of 16 enjoy glam cock rock anymore? Even ironically?” But somewhere around the middle of “Shout at the Devil,” you may catch yourself smiling, as the song makes you think about that kid in the fifth grade who drew pentagrams on his notebooks and taught you how to make rock horns. You’ll hum along to “Smokin’ In The Boys Room,” not because you like the song, necessarily, but because the melody was drilled into your brain back when MTV still played videos. And then “Home Sweet Home” kicks in, and you’ll be like “Oh my god, I totally remember that video,” and then you’ll Google it just to make sure it was as beautifully retarded as you remember. You’ll sing along with the chorus of “Girls, Girls, Girls,” repeating lyrics that you never realized you knew. (“Girls, girls, girls! Long legs and burgundy lips!” Wait, what?) You’ll break out a little air-guitar for “Dr. Feelgood,” which as it turns out is a muscle memory. By the second verse of “Same Ol’ Situation,” you’ll be on your feet, dancing across the room with all the glam-cock-rock swagger you can muster, maybe even flashing your tits to a nonexistent band. And guess what? You won’t be doing it ironically.

Don’t worry, there’s nothing wrong with you. That’s why Mötley Crüe puts out so many Greatest Hits albums. So that adults with dignity and a healthy sense of cynicism can have yet another opportunity to remind themselves what it feels like to be an unabashed, power-chord-loving idiot.

I called Vince Neil, the Crüe’s longtime frontman, to ask how a band can survive and even flourish for almost three decades when their creative aesthetic can essentially be boiled down to “Hooray for boobies!”

Eric Spitznagel: Why put out another Greatest Hits album?

Vince Neil: I don’t know. I honestly have no idea. (Laughs.) I didn’t put it out. Our management company did.

How many times can you sell us “Home Sweet Home” before we finally say, “Enough?”

Well, it’s got some new stuff on there. There’s a remix of “The Animal in Me.” That’s one of the selling points, I guess.

You know what would make a great remix? Put an extra Girls onto “Girls Girls Girls.” Make it a song about four girls.

So it’d be “Girls, Girls, Girls, Girls”?

Yeah. That’s some serious artistry.

(Laughs.) I think we might do that. Every time we release another Greatest Hits, we’ll just add another “Girls” to the song. That sounds like a good idea.

Any plans for a Greatest Hits tour?

Absolutely not. We just finished Crüe Fest II, which lasted 18 months. We did the U.S. three times, and went to Canada, Mexico, South America, Malaysia, Japan, and every country in Europe. It’s time to take a break.

And your immune systems probably need to recuperate after all the groupie sex.

Y’know, backstage at a Crüe show isn’t really what it used to be. Back in the old days, in the 80s and 90s, we were living like animals. But it doesn’t happen that way anymore. We were excessive when we were younger, because we could get away with it and that’s what the times were like. But these days, we have our fun on the stage and that’s about it.

What’s the least debaucherous thing you’ve ever done?