Sleep I’m 6ft 7in, so I have a massive bed. It’s so enormous all the kids end up piling in. My youngest, Johnny, is only seven months old, so sleep is interrupted, but I get a full night when I stay in a hotel before a match. Sleeping after a night game is impossible without a beer, as there’s so much adrenaline. If we’ve lost, I’ll be mulling it over and won’t sleep until 4am.

Eat I’m lucky: whatever I eat, I’ve never wavered from just under 14 stone. I’ll have an omelette, porridge and fruit for breakfast at the training ground, then chicken, pasta and soup for lunch; then I can relax in the evening. I’m a useless cook, but my wife, Abbey, might do a Thai green curry or a fish pie. Match days are bland: chicken, pasta, minimal sauce. It’s just fuel. Post-match, the sports scientists now encourage us to eat anything immediately, so it’s pizzas and nuggets after the final whistle.

Work I don’t see my job as work. I feel incredibly fortunate to be able to do something I’ve always loved. We’ll train on Monday, have a double, intensive session on Tuesday, a recovery day on Wednesday, and tactical match preparation on Thursday and Friday, with a few sprints ready for Saturday’s game; then a recovery day on Sunday. Some players, like Steve Gerrard, never switch off, but I always enjoy the moment. So many kids want to be football players, and to still feel like I’m living the dream at 37 is amazing.

Family I changed clubs a lot in my 20s; now I have a family, I couldn’t drag them around. I get home to collect my eldest from school. I’m more involved than I would have been if I’d had them when I was travelling so much with England and Liverpool. It’s also handy that Abbey doesn’t like football, so I switch off more easily. She’s proud of what I’ve achieved, but she has been known to call me 10 minutes before kick-off and ask where I am.

Fun If you train hard all week you need the release of having a laugh, so I love the odd beer, and we go to a lot of gigs as Abbey’s brother is in a band. If I’m not playing golf – I’m bang average – I’ll be out with Abbey, whom I have as much of a laugh with today as when we met 12 years ago. I’d say I’ve got fun pretty much nailed.

• Peter Crouch’s How To Be A Footballer is published by Ebury Press.