It’s this website’s first birthday! And like any first birthday, as the parent I am excited beyond measure while everyone doesn’t really give a shit. Boom, take that new parents. To celebrate a year of opinions, I thought I’d go back to where it all started – 2000 two-piece bands Trees.

Last year’s best medium sized festival (catchy) is back, with cash free vendors, morning yoga and confusing/interesting line ups. Changes this year include the cash-free system properly working, mini golf and a spoken word stage, featuring talks from Extinction Rebellion, stand up comedians and even some poetry for those who were particularly pretentious. It’s fair to say I didn’t even look for this stage. But equality measures were in full force, ensuring the festival was truly a safe space for everyone. The woman’s institute even had a cake sale. Particular shoutout to the security – they all ensured everyone was safe while themselves having fun. Another triumph.

There were only some minor setbacks – apparently early bird festival goers initially had wristband issues and people were refused entry past 11pm, despite not being advertised. VIP package holders were also denied side stage access despite being advertised. But since none of these issues affected the only real VIP there (me), it’s fair to say 2000 Trees is still the festival to beat in terms of atmosphere, line up, organisation, weather and safety. It is still in Cheltenham, but I suppose I can forgive that.

Right, these articles are already too long – music.

Jamie Lenman (Acoustic)

Featuring wife

Opening the weekend was an acoustic set from 2000 Trees biggest fan – Jamie Lenman. This man used to front Reuben before going solo to do odd folk metal. This year he took over the Axiom Stage for ‘Lenmania’ – the stage line up for the day was all handpicked by the man himself.

This was a fun way to start the festival, similar to the Yellowcard dude at Slam Dunk. People were treated to both solo stuff and the odd Reuben track. Fantastic voice and on point banter – perfect to watch with that ‘first’ pint (they don’t count until the music has started). At one point his wife came on stage for a true #couplegoals duet. Wholesome fun.

8/10 – Highlights: Jazzy Blood

Souer

Sir or sewer?

The first amplified set was from Souer, a 3-piece playing proggy rock – a 2000 Trees specialty. At first I couldn’t gauge the vibes – one guitarist was dressed like a trapeze artist, the drummer looked like he was off to the beach and the other guitarist looked like she overslept, only wearing a baggy t shirt. This was also the first of many bands that have realised that pesky bassists can be replaced by a backing track or an effects pedal – both options lower costs and more importantly stop people having to deal with bassists.

The music was pretty cool and particularly towards the end the group seemed to get comfortable and really hit their stride. Also when talking about their merch, they revealed the only bloke in the band ironed all the shirts. The first of many progressive bands this weekend.

7/10 – Highlights: Fight, Do What I Want

False Advertising

I’ll say

Next up were Souers punkier cousins, who play faster and frantic(er?) tunes. Sadly though, the frontwoman acted very nervous and seemed a little overwhelmed on this stage. This lack of confidence dulled the punky vibe, so I instead used this time to grab another pint. Odd seeing a band with both more and less energy at the same time. The music was solid though. Just wish they weren’t named so honestly.

Seemed meh

Haggard Cat

Great even if you’re a dog person

Some of you may remember Haggard Cat from Macmillan fest. No? The small review from late 2018? Weird. Well, Haggard Cat are the offspring of Heck, a band originally called Baby Godzilla. They may be the most indecisive lads ever, but they do know how to win an audience. A two-piece that play frantic rock and roll with a dash of prog. The band had enough energy for 6 band members. At first, however, the band seemed overwhelmed by the response from the 2000 Trees crowd. So for the first 2 songs, the only real highlight was that the band had random confetti cannons.

Once the band worked out the crowd were down for anything, they first got everyone to singalong to their brand new song never heard before. It was called ‘we’re gonna build a wall’. Deep, wonder what it’s about? It was heartwarming watching these guys have their minds blown as the crowd sungalong to a never heard before track. This meant when the known song Boneshaker dropped, the first of the weekend’s moshpits really opened and the band really found their groove. Subsequently, there was a huge circle pit around half the tent and chaos for the rest of the set. Just like Shvpes last year, these guys bought headline energy at 2pm. Glorious.

10/10 – Highlights: Boneshaker, American Graffiti

Frauds

They actually are. They are comedians, not a band.

When researching this year’s line up, I found this band had a song called sandwiches. And it was about people eating sandwiches. When I arrived the two-piece were wearing all yellow, one had MUSTARD written in Sharpie on his chest, the other had CUSTARD. Confused? Me too.

After opening with sandwiches, the Contrasting Condiment Comrades asked the crowd who’d been to Copenhagen. 4 people said they had. The band then replied ‘we’ve never been to Copenhagen.’ Then they talked about how you can imagine you have been to Copenhagen if you use your heart and brain. The next song was about Copenhagen.

The then said ‘we talk too much, just play the next song.’ They proceeded to then stop and start the song 7 times with increasingly lengthy descriptions of the song. I was in stitches. The music was pretty good too! The band finished with a song that was originally introduced as Angels by Robbie Williams. However, when many of the audience started singing Angels like it was closing time in Popworld, the drummer told the guitarist he ‘had done a bad, bad thing.’

No idea what I just saw, but I know I left with a smile.

9/10 – Highlights: Sandwiches, Putin’s Day Off

Nervus

A living contradiction

Last year this band won the coveted Wholesome Band Award for playing a 10/10 set that didn’t rely on moshing or theatrics. The band sung songs of LGBTQ+ struggles that left everyone feeling confident in who they were, while the keyboardist danced. It felt like a community.

This year things looked even more promising. The band walked out clapping along to Stacy’s Mom and seemed far more confident than last year. It was also clear also that the band had heavied up their sound a bit. Initially, all was well, the band were fun, everyone was happy and it felt like these guys would win again.

And then the singer declared that the next song was about how ALL of the police force are shit. And very politely asked all policemen to get the fuck out of the tent. It’s hard not to see the irony when the band’s bassist was wearing a t-shirt stating ‘female-fronted isn’t a genre’. As if they don’t want people generalising or labelling an entire group based on the actions of a few. Then the singer recruited half the crowd to scream ‘THEY. WON’T. KEEP YOU SAFE.’ Meanwhile, the other half of the crowd only had to scream ‘WOAH OH.’ This really put a bad taste in my mouth.

Following on from this misstep, the band then invited a member of the crowd to play guitar on the next song, as he’d just covered one of their songs on Youtube. This guy was already a pit regular, so an impromptu performance of an intricate song was a big ask. He and the band were great sports, but he did not nail that performance.

At this point the singer demanded several bands come on stage, but I had to head off to the next band. Upset Nervus have gone from wholesome to cop killa in a year. I presume next year they’ll behead some CEOs on stage.

5/10 – Highlight: A Retraction

Orchards

These trees bare flying donuts

Everyone seems to be trying to mix prog and indie today. With mixed results. However, I am pleased to announce that Orchard’s attempt at this genetic experiment has succeeded. The highlight of this set were the inflatables the band released into the audience midset. What’s not to love about watching one gentleman put all his strength into hurling donuts backwards into the faces of unsuspecting fans. I sound like a terrible person. All the band members were awesome, but the bassist stole the festival for me, with some exceptional groove reminiscent of Interpol. The last 2 songs of the set were a desperate rush as the band were told time was up, but I am so glad they did.

Quirky frontwoman, interesting music and some awesome groove. Indie I actually like…uh oh.

8/10 – Highlights: Age of You, Double Vision

Loathe

Happy Birthday xoxo

Hey the Tasteless Reviews Artist of the Year! Missed you guys! Interestingly the organisers put these guys on immediately after Orchards, making for an odder contrast than Mustard and Custard. But I’m pretty sure the remaining indie fans will have run away the second this set kicked off. Less pink inflateables, more crowd killing, removing all memory that the stage was briefly joyful. Except for the guitarist’s funky sunglasses.

The setlist still hasn’t really changed in the past year except for the inclusion of an unreleased song, which was a solid alright/10. Vocals and sound were all prime like steak, and the band did what they do best.

However, this being a festival set, the band did have some cheeky festival bant. This included claiming they were actually their green brethren Lotus Eater and singing happy birthday to his singers sister. In amongst the dust and blood from the pit. Yay! Happy times!

9/10 – Highlights: Rest; In Violence, Servant and Master

Turnstile

The singer is in the wrong band

I missed most of the set due to a drinking problem (my drinking problem). But I did catch the end where I witnessed several guitarists throwing themselves around like dodgems driven by AHDH children who have just eaten a bag of Tangfastics. During all this chaos, the singer looked like he was on his first day of the job and didn’t know what he signed up for. It looked like great fun and I maybe need an intervention.

Seemed good!

Blood Youth

Bored and wanted to be on his phone – like the youth of today

Blood Youth’s recent album was very Slipknot and therefore I was excited to see it live. And as it kicked off I was thinking this could be the set of the weekend. The singer simply walked on stage and immediately demanded the tent open up and boy did it.

The guitarists smashed it, and for the most part so did the drummer despite a few hiccups. But they were let down by the singer. The actual singing was fine, but the man had no personality. There was next to no other audience interaction after the initial pit and he looked as if his wife had just asked for divorce. A couple of antidepressants and a stimulant before hitting the stage and this band could easily be a 10.

8/10 – Highlights: Spineless, Nerve

Comeback Kid

So good it bought a friend back to life

Last time I saw these guys it was an early set and it was still pretty good. Now these guys are sub headlining on day 1. Prime pit time. And boy did people step up. By the time Do Yourself A Favor rolled in, the crowd was heaving as one. These guys aren’t the youngest kids on the block, but the ferocity these guys played with showed that age ain’t nothing but a number. But for the record, their number is objectively higher than most other bands on the bill.

Then GM Vincent and I starts. And a friend I hadn’t seen in 3 years emerges from the pit like Jesus. Genuine magic moment. The set did start to lull a little towards the end, before a big ending with Wake the Dead. But this was still awesome. I’d say quite the comeback, kid. I mean they never really anywhere. I tried.

9/10 – Highlights: Wake the Dead, Do Yourself A Favour, GM Vincent and I

Holding Absence

Holding back on the volume

Going into this set I was terrified they were going to deafen me a third time. But as a masochist, I was ready to go through it all again. Especially as Holding Absence had dropped a new album since our last meeting. But I first noticed the worst backdrop I’ve ever seen. 4 lightbulbs on sticks. It looked more like an aisle in B&Q than a stage headline set. I presume they forgot they were headlining the Neu stage, so scraped one together at the services in Chichester.

None of this mattered though, as this band have really arrived. Imagine 30 Seconds To Mars without Jared Leto. Bliss. There were no crazy crowd antics, this was one big singalong. Everyone there knew every word, which were sung beautifully by the charismatic frontman. Big single Like A Shadow did get the crowd jumping, but for the most part everyone wanted to singalong to each and every song like it was an anthem.

This did seem to upset their drummer, however, who clearly wanted more of a ruckus. At one point he randomly hoisted a drum into the air one handed. We get it alright, you lift. Then when there was no drumming to be done, he started smacking the metal frame of the tent, like an angry prisoner in his cell. If only this guy has fronted Blood Youth. The song Everything was sadly absence tonight, but otherwise this band are only going to get bigger. Now go listen to them so you can fit in.

8/10 – Highlights: Like A Shadow, Dream of Me

While She Sleeps

The king is dead. Long live the king(s)

Before this run of shows, Sleeps announced that vocalist Loz was going to be absent due to personal reasons (as vague as trains being delayed due to ‘signalling issues’). However, unlike every other band at the moment that just cancels, Sleeps have promised a) the shows will go ahead and b) will feature guest vocalists. Tease me.

So the day comes, and the campsite had been speculating as to who this guest could be. The lights go down and the guitarists walk on stage solemnly to confirm no Loz and that they hoped what they’d lined up wasn’t too disappointing.

Shvpes. Blood Youth. Comeback Kid. Cancer Bats. Holding Absence. 5 motherfucking guests.

As soon as Griffin from Shvpes walked on stage, no one gave a shit Loz was gone. The set was technically identical to their Nottingham show, but with new vocals it was all brand new. Brainwashed with Comeback Kid’s singer was next level brutal. Holding Absence and Empire of Silence was a real treat. Even Blood Youth’s singer cheered up enough to have fun with Seven Hills. The audience was more of a unified mob, making for one of the most exciting moshpits I’ve ever been a part of. The crowd has also done their homework, and more recent singles Haunt Me and The Guilty Party were just as big as the songs from 10 years ago. Cancer Bats rounded off the evening with Silence Speaks and Hurricane as the perfect note to end a perfect set.

I love Loz. The dude is a great frontman and an upstanding citizen. And I hope he comes back soon. But I have never felt such a sense of togetherness and unity during a set before. Plus it was amazing hearing songs new takes on old songs, especially with the great vocalists on offer. Particular shoutout to Liam from Cancer Bats, who only had nice things to say. A true gentleman. 2000 Trees is the best mid-sized festival in the UK, in no small part due to its community spirit. I can think of no better example than this.

10/10 – Highlights: You Are We, Anti-Social, Hurricane, The Guilty Party, Brainwashed

DAY 2

Pengsui

Peng shit

Day 2. Hangover is here to stay. And heavy dance/D&B get up Pengshui have the ‘aspirin’ shift – get people to ignore the headache so they’ll do it all again. It’s a tough slot.

This 3 piece consisted of two identical big bald men and a drummer obsessed with the MLG airhorn. Seriously, he used it every time a song finished. These guys bought tasty drops and bass loud enough to drown out any headache or bad feelings. The official remix of The Prodigy went down as well as a bacon and egg roll. The perfect warm up – no moshpit assault course but I wasn’t left to fall back to sleep.

8/10 – Highlights: Light Up The Sky (Remix)

Brutus

A small betrayal

I saw this 3 piece supporting once before and loved the rowdy female drummer/singer fronted trio. This didn’t translate to the main stage though. The no talking autistic prog musician act loved by this type of band really fell flat. Hell, the two guitarists even had their microphones taken away so they didn’t risk talking to the crowd. Say something! Don’t get me wrong, great musicians, but this isn’t a GCSE music performance. Make a spectacle of it! GAH!

Seemed ok

Groundculture

Ooh ay like good craic init like?

These Newcastle lads dropped out last year, and since then the band have signed to a booking agency and written most of another album. Your standard metal affair, the biggest issue was the southern audience don’t speak Geordie, judging by the confused faces anytime the singer spoke. However, my real issue wasn’t that you needed a linguistic degree to understand what the band wanted. The big issue was the understated way in which the new, unreleased material was delivered. No one knows the words or what to expect and their sound currently isn’t good enough to properly hear the tunes. So without any pointers from the frontman, the new songs ended up being underwhelming. The stuff sounds good, I think? I also think that the northern lad was unaccustomed to warm southern weather (it was fookin hot to be fair) so stamina was an issue. Closing with Catalyst did hit the sweet spot though and had all that participation jazz I don’t shut up about. Solid set, look forward to the new album. Although I think the singer did say ‘I ain’t got a fookin clue when it’s comin out like’.

7/10 – Highlights: Catalyst

Dream State

I had this dream that crowdsurfing calmed your nerves

In contrast to Brutus, this female fronted collective were all about getting involved and taking part. They drew one of the largest crowds of the weekend and then made them throw themselves either up and down or side to side. The sound was on point, and for a relatively new outfit these guys really stepped it up for the main stage gig.

A couple of songs in, the singer let us know she was nervous as balls. Who wouldn’t be? Her solution? Throw herself into the crowd. Multiple times. Lolwot. I’m all about it, saying fuck you to nerves and doing what scares you most for the sake of performance. In This Hell was anthemic and White Lies cemented that this band belong on the big stage. Give it a few months, they’ll be on stages even bigger than this. Oh and towards the end she had another attack of nerves. So naturally she crowdusrfed even more. This weekend really did belong to the women of rock.

10/10 – Highlights: In This Hell, White Lies

The Dangerous Summer

VOCALIST MISSING – If found, please contact the remaining band members

One of several one-hit wonder bands this weekend, The Dangerous Summer came on to a crowd that had shrunk like my penis when I see topless Iggy Pop. And we were met with a very drunk singer who immediately invited everyone to his afterparty back at the merch tent. After this, the band actually bought some awesome Jimmy Eat World sounding goodness, all delivered in tight, well wrapped packages. Particular shout out to the drummer. After the big single The Permanent Rain, the band finished up with a ballad. Now, at this point the sweaty frontman started roaming the audience with his microphone, hugging a few select fans and continuing to invite everyone back to his for a sick party. Having promised free entry to the hot girls, the frontman dropped his mic in the middle of the field and just walked off up the hill. This wasn’t the end of the song, and the band kept going for a good 3 minutes. While the crowd looked on at the frontman disappearing over the horizon into the bar.

8/10 – Highlights: The Permanent Rain

Hands Like Houses

Those are some big ass hands

Next up were the band from down under that had travelled the furthest, being from the land of Airbourne and God’s most terrifying creatures – Australia. These guys opened up nicely with older, heavier material. Even recent misstep Sick landed nicely midset, as did #tbt Introduced Species. Sadly though, at this point the organisers informed the band their set was already over as it had been a whole 5 minutes, which was a shame as it felt like it had just got going. But Overthinking and Monster rounded off a well performed and fun set. But 18 hours of flying for just 7 songs?

8/10 – Highlights: I Am, Introduced Species, Overthinking

Modern Error

Perfectly sums up my experience

Having stayed too long by the main stage with the popular music, it was time to move back to the smallest stage for blue Loathe Modern Error. Of the single colour pixel photo crew, these guys are the most melodic by a country mile, bringing dark tinged alt rock rather than smashy smashy proggy death. I was excited for this set but it ended up as one of the low points of the weekend. No moment stood out, the band’s energy felt pretty low, even if the songs sounded good. Honestly, there is nothing to note here. It wasn’t bad. It wasn’t good. But that means it was like this set never happened. Spooky.

5/10 – Highlights: The music sounds good

Rolo Tomassi

I like Rolos, I’ve never had a Tomassi

I feel like this band have been around as long as Bad Religion, always hiding on the outskirts of my radar for as long as I can remember. Like that one guy. You know the one. He turns up to every social gathering, you know his name, but that’s it. You never actually speak to them. But tonight, I finally put in the quality time with Rolo Tomassi. One thing was immediately apparent – this girl got pipes. Seriously, this petite woman would give thunder a run for its money.

They were all talented musicians but as they wove their way through their death metal meets nursery rhyme sound, the highlights were the characters in the pit. One man had his nose split open, went to the medical tent and charged back in for the remainder of the set with a bung up his nose. One dude had stolen the inflatable donut from Orchards and was wearing it as a protective shield, allowing him to become The Human Dodgem (patent pending – nice try Marvel). The band did grab our attention back at the end with a melodic outro that felt truly epic when combined with the planetarium like lighting setup – almost an orchestral crescendo.

8/10 – Highlights: The Hollow Hour, A Flood of Light, Alma Mater

Skinny Lister

I don’t know what a Skinny Lister is, but I now assume it has spare parts

Skinny Lister are what happens if Slipknot instead decided to host the local singalong down the pub. This should have had the makings of a jolly good time, but instead fell a little flat. The sound was off, several of the members appeared to take cigarette breaks during the set with nothing to do and even the majority of the crowd seemed to be politely observing rather than getting involved. It wasn’t bad, but maybe the hype beforehand ruined my expectations. Or I am not the target audience of a 60-year-old man swinging a tankard of ale, singing Swing Low, Sweet Chariot.

5/10 – Highlights: Our campsite friend attempting to sell mineral water unsuccessfully

Mongol Horde

When Frank Turner gets angry

I caught a single song. Frank Turner (the acoustic folk dude) was metal screaming wearing a shiny silver cardigan. I wish I’d watched more.

Seemed good!

You Me At Six

White guys from Surrey continue to underwhelm

Disclaimer: I missed some of this set.

You Me At Six were the hottest thing at the same time as multi-coloured fringes, hack free nudes and MSN. Since then, their biggest fans have gotten jobs, paid taxes and established that their teenage crush wasn’t ‘everything’. But these fans are back 10 years later for a nostalgia trip. The band had definitely pulled out all the stops stage wise – fancy geometric screens, many lights etc. However, the start of the set wasn’t exactly explosive. When I returned later, the band had found their stride and the energy seemed higher. Bite My Tongue was a highlight, although a special guest would have been cool. While She Sleeps had already shown there were enough of them floating about.

Having spoken to people afterwards, the only thing people raved about this set was that they played Save It For the Bedroom for the first time in years. But otherwise everyone seemed to shrug and say it was ok. Like Surrey itself.

6/10 – Highlights: Bite My Tongue

DAY 3

Rival Bones

Rival Blood? Royal Bones?

Day 3. First band on. The most difficult set of the weekend. Everyone is on the verge of a hangover induced death and is wondering why they paid hundreds of pounds to suffer in a field. And the unfortunate band has to make you forget this existential crisis and get people to do it one last time. Did Rival Sons manage?

Groovy, riffy hard rock is the perfect hangover cure. The guys didn’t try for mosh pits. No calls for jumping. The music did all the talking, and the headbanging got blood pumping to the head where it was most needed. Some of the hardest riffs of the weekend actually happened here. It is impossible not to draw parallels when you have a riffy hard rock 2 piece, but Royal Blood for breakfast? Yum yum.

9/10 – Highlights: The Great Divide, Hot Blooded

All Ears Avow

Casual Friday

First Royal Blood, now Don Broco? As it was now Saturday, the band had dropped their formal business suits and changed into their casual Hawaiian shirts, ready to let loose. Despite looking like they were putting on a causal barbeque rather than a rock show, these guys provided catchy pop rock, again perfect early in the morning. Still no pits, still no jumping, just headbanging, dancing and some clapping thrown in for good measure. The band were all great, but particular shoutout to the world’s happiest bassist who didn’t stop smiling throughout the set, bringing the best vibes. If you want Don Broco but ain’t got 40£, these guys are the next best thing. They even have the cowbell.

9/10 – Highlights: Got Lucky, Skin and Bones

cleopatrick

A parallel universe where a man finally gets his chance to rule Egypt

Cover bands all done, it was time for the 700th two piece of the weekend from New Ywark. This consisted of a drummer and a good looking autistic fellow on guitar. Think Baldrick Lumberstack in The Imitation Game. This was one of the sets I was most excited for and was sadly a little underwhelmed. The guitar was almost inaudible, which when there are only two musicians to mic up, is a little embarrassing. There must only be, what, 2 buttons to control that? On top of that, the guitarist looked like he was attempting to launch a space shuttle between songs, pressing pedals left, right and centre for 5 minutes at a time. That being said, the vocals were amazing and what I could hear sounded massive. Big finisher youth hit like the meteorite that wiped out the pesky dinosaurs. Unfortunately, one old prick in the audience tried to start a fight when someone spilt his cider, but the incredible security team quickly dealt with him. Although it did put people a little on edge, worried there were other psychos hiding in wait. Play more UK shows lads, I want to see more of you (interpret that as you wish).

7/10 – Highlights: youth, sanjake, hometown

Normandie

The equivalent of being woken up with oral pleasure.

I say the cover bands were finished, but next up was Swedish Don Broco. Not only does Sweden boast a higher standard of living and happiness, after this set they can also boast one of the best sets of the weekend. They were on criminally early in the day, but the band didn’t seem to notice, and delivered a quality set like it was 9:30 in the evening. Even the sound check was beautiful. The setlist boasted all the tunes that you could fit into 25 minutes, but that still meant a good half of them were still missing. It was only 1 in the afternoon, and we got huge moshpits, a Slipknot-esque sit-down-jump-up (is there a better name for this?), a whole tent jumping and crowd wide singalong. You Me At Six didn’t have some this stuff.

Who the fuck put them on this early? Don’t let it happen again 2000 Trees.

10/10 – Highlights: Enough, Collide, Fight, Dead

Lotus Eater

The last of the chaos emeralds is collected – the end is nigh

Loathe Modern Error Frauds Fuck it. We’d had the yellow band. We’d had the red band. We’d struggled through the blue band. It was time for the green bois. Eventually. The band appeared to have a technical nightmare setting up, I assume because they were a technical deathcore band on after a Swedish pop rock band, so I presume literally everything had to be changed. Despite this, the tent was pretty damn full by the time they finally did take to the stage. The band didn’t waste any time warning the crowd the vibe was about to change dramatically and just kicked off with The Fear, demanding that the 15 brave people at the front start fucking each other up physically. So a cartoon style flurry of fists and kicking erupted in the middle while everyone else stood back due to *The Fear* (JOKE OF THE DAY). The band tore through the whole new album, with the understated vocalist doing some very questionable dancing to music that sounds like it comes from hell itself. Some of his hilarious Glasgow-isms included

“I’ll let you in on a little secret. I like watching people getting hurt. So fookin hurt each other.”

Any Normandie fans that stuck around for this set were likely sent to the Samaritans tent for counselling. Pretty good set – wish there was a bit more of a spectacle.

8/10 – Highlights: The Fear, Yuck, Mother

A

Good time

It’s tricky to have a worse name than Limp Bizkit, Puddle of Mudd and Breaking Benjamin. But this band managed it by making themselves the hardest band to search online. And having stopped being relevant 15 years ago, it is also rare for someone to even try to find them online. That being said, that one album is still a fun nostalgia trip. And best of all? The band know it.

The singer rocked up in a Just Eat jacket to appear ‘Down wiv da kidz’. The tone was very lighthearted, so even though the music was on point, the focus was on good vibes and good. Midway through the set, it was revealed that the session bassist ‘Doug’ was leaving the band and the exit interview was performed on stage. The singer assumed he was leaving due to the lack of young girls in the audience, but the bassist revealed the issue was A no longer play arenas anymore and so don’t offer enough dollah. To be fair, this was a pretty damn good bassist, so I can see him having a higher paid job in a bigger noughties has beens like Alien Ant Farm or POD.

The singer then asked if we could do one of those circle things that all the heavy bands do. But do it geriatric style. Therefore the biggest circle pit of the weekend ended up being at plodding speed. Great stuff. The set finished out with the single everyone was there to see – Nothing. The bassist enjoyed his last song with the band by running laps round the stage. Even when the singer’s voice broke on the last line, he made jokes.

Some of the best fun you could have.

9/10 – Highlights: Nothing

Can’t Swim

Quite dim

It was pop punk with an awesome screaming vocalist. But didn’t entice me at the time. Sorry lads.

Seemed good

The Skints

Round 2 – Happy vibes vs my dead sense of joy

Last years Festivile Festiville While She Sleeps fest featured a day of the best heavy metal – and one reggae band. Despite my hatred of offbeat vibe music and being a departure from the theme of the day, I thought the band had played a great set that was entertaining and refreshing. But now they’re supporting Every Time I Die? Has no one told these guys what music they play yet?!

One thing is clear – Sheffield last year was research for this band. Clearly these guys want to be the band that can play anywhere, no matter the line up. And taking performance tips from Crossfaith and Every Time I Die is a very smart move. Since October, these guys have added more ska to the set, more punky riffs and demanded audience participation even if they were a bit different. The drummer, despite his fake stoner glasses, really bought the beats while the bassist knows his way round a 5 string. The frontwoman droped a saxophone AND a flute solo – which is, fine too I guess. Also being a reggae band at a hippie festival? The stoner crews all emerged from their hotbox tents and came out in full force, armed to the teeth with joints and strange body movements known as ‘dancing’. It was quite a sight to behold. I felt like David Attenborough. Even better, the band stuck around and partied at the side of the stage to Every Time I Die. I really like these guys and think I would see them again. Provided they don’t force me to like reggae, I’ll fully support these guys on their mission to shake up every heavy line up on the planet.

8/10 – Highlights: The flute, the sax, the heavy riff bits

The Bottom Line

Pop-punk always has a place in our hearts. And on any line-up

I assume I was still in Lotus Eater mode when I passed up Can’t Swim earlier. But after the reggae I desperately needed some rock to cleanse my palate. Pop-punk was close enough. These guys had some rubbish looking inflatable palm trees on stage and came out jumping and singing about relationships and missing the summer holidays. Perfect. I must say, the band were a little too hench to crowdsurf too much, but that didn’t stop them delivering a fun set where they fought tooth and nail on that small stage to get everyone involved. Most of the band ended up in the crowd, beach balls went flying and I certainly felt awake afterwards. Pop punk is always a reliable way to have a good time.

9/10 – Highlights: California, In Your Memory

Every Time I Die

I go over the barrier and try again

I didn’t know what to expect here. People described them as Dillenger Escape Plan levels of crazy. As they walked out on stage I noticed the world’s swollest guitarist, who looked like the Pringles man fucked a tank from Left 4 Dead. The band waved and all hell broke loose. I don’t know what was going on musically because I saw:

Tigger moshing with a polar bear and 3 pikachus. A dinghy flying with two pirates. A man break onto the stage. The saxophone player from The Skints near the barrier confused. The drummer of The Skints looking gleeful. A moshpit, a circle pit and a crowd surf launch pad all mixed into one.

After just observing, I started to get an itch. An itch to run in and experience it all first hand.

The best way to describe my experience in the pit is imagine if D-Day trench warfare was fun and had no death. Bodies came from all directions. If you weren’t careful someone would pick you up and crowd surf you before you could say no. You would lift people of all shapes and sizes over the barrier multiple times. I’ve genuinely never had such an adrenaline rush in a pit before.

The non hench guitarist and vocalist ended up on top of amps and surfing the audience. The only problem was halfway through the set the mic died hard and it took 5 minutes to fix it and get going again. Other than that it pretty much was as great as While She Sleeps. And it turns out While She Sleeps are touring with Every Time I Die later in the year. Event of the year, I guarantee it.

10/10 – Highlights: The guitarist beheading Tigger and wearing his head