WASHINGTON, DC—after a series of high-profile train accidents, Congress addressed public unease over rail safety by cutting funding for Amtrak by $244 million on Tuesday.

“We all know that government spending just promotes waste and inefficiency,” said Rep. Hal Rogers (R—KY), chair of the House Appropriations Committee. “And an efficient railroad is a safe railroad. Therefore, the best thing we can do for passenger safety is to take away all this federal money that’s just luring Amtrak engineers into complacency.”

Rogers, who noted that he had seen “almost all” of Snowpiercer and thus was virtually a train expert, also observed that if American trains are unsafe, “the free market should provide a corrective as passengers come together to start competing railroads with better safety records.”

Just in case that doesn’t work, the bill strictly prohibits rail accidents going forward.

Statistically speaking, this is a very safe train.