Louis Burke | Culture | Contact

With as little as five months until Australian’s vote in the next federal election, opposition leader Bill Shorten has made a bold appeal to young voters with a neat collection of Soundcloud rapper face tattoos.

Seven hours late to his interview with VICE magazine, the Labor Party leader flicked a lone dreadlock off his face to reveal several face tattoos, including one of his new “rap name” Lil Shortz.

“Brrrr!” stated the man who could one day be Prime Minister, flicking an index finger across his lips to imitate the sound of a vibrating phone.

Not apologising for his tardiness, Shorten further held up the interview as he waited for a staffer to bring him a styrofoam cup stating he “gots to have his drank [sic].”

“Ay, ya, Albo did that one,” mumbled Lil Shortz pointing to a red and black switchblade tattooed on his cheek.

“He was quite rough, it hurt quite a bit actually.”

Expected to announce election policies regarding health and education, Lil Shortz instead spent most of the interview calling Morrison an ‘oldhead’ and a ‘hater’ as well as encouraging viewers to look up his diss track which according to him is “available on the sound cloud.”

“We out here taking shots.”

When asked to answer questions about fiscal responsibility, Lil Shortz promised to be responsible with tax payer’s “cash-money” and if elected would spend very little on “lean and Balmains.”

“Sco-mo or Sco-no-moe as I call him, he give $32 bil to private schools, that shit is whack. My plan? Fuck school man, school is lame, it ain’t shit!”

Currently, Lil Shortz is leading as prefered Prime Minister for people too young to vote and unregistered voters who think disregard for proper political process is cool.