The Real Jesus Christ

Jesus is portrayed by many as a sissy, a pumpkin faced feminine savior. But according to the Holy Bible, Jesus is the son of a "jealous God, filled with vengeance and wrath", a God who "takes revenge on all who oppose him and furiously destroys his enemies" (Nahum 1:2-8). In other words, Jesus would have no problem turning over tables, kicking people in the balls, and worse. If you oppose Jesus you'll end up in the fires of hell for all eternity, after being killed by fire and brimstone.

Genesis 19:24: Then the Lord rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the Lord out of heaven;

In 1982, about 10 miles from the site of the ancient settlement of Qumran, a collection of scrolls written in Aramaic were reportedly found on the shore of the Dead Sea. It is believed that these documents illustrate Jesus in his early years, exacting revenge in the name of the Lord. What you'll find here are examples of techniques that Jesus used, Jesus Jitsu, along with lessons we can surmise from the real Jesus Christ.

1 Samuel 15:3: Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass.

Lessons for Today

While this website is primarily about the techniques of Jesus Jitsu, Jesus' teachings do go far beyond physical techniques. Jesus Jitsu is a way of life, not just a set of techniques for crushing the balls of your opponent and knocking him into oblivion. In our Lessons for Today you'll learn the true lessons of our Savior, based on both the Word of God and new revelations for today.

What does Jesus think of the so called "theory of evolution"? What about "global warming"? How old is the earth really, and did man share the earth with dinosaurs? Find all these answers in our Lessons for Today.

Leviticus 20:15: And if a man lie with a beast, he shall surely be put to death: and ye shall slay the beast.

What Would Jesus Do

Followers of Christ like to know what Jesus would do to help guide them in their day to day activities. In our What Would Jesus Do section we'll help you by providing the answers based on the real Jesus instead of the sissy-pants-girly-man that so called Jesus lovers pretend to know. Briefly, when in doubt Jesus would normally slap a man in the balls or finger jab him in the eye, very quickly and unexpectedly. These unexpected assaults can empty a man's mind and put him in a state in which the Holy Ghost can easily enter. There are other times when Jesus would be more likely to curse a man to hell. Rest assured, we'll let you know what Jesus would do.

Matthew 10:35: For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

The Techniques of Jesus

The techniques of Jesus Jitsu are characterized by the element of surprise, the Holy Trinity (eyes, throat, and balls), and a healthy dose of severe brutality. There is nothing meek about the fighting techniques of Jesus.

According to the ancient texts found near the Dead Sea Scrolls, Jesus' favorite target was the balls. As the Lord had no problem commanding Saul to slay women, infants, and baby ox and sheep, he also had no problem attacking an opponent's vitals.

Willy nilly, smiley faced preachers proclaim that Jesus taught his disciples to "turn the other cheek". In reality this is a metaphor for when a person is smited verbally. Jesus would actually have you "turn the other's cheek". Take a look at a sample of the Techniques of Jesus, and learn the Blind Man, Rise from the Dead, the Wrath of God, and more.

Your Comments

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