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Romantic relationships can be described in so many ways. For newlyweds, relationships are “Oh..My… God! The best thing ever!” For a working parent whose main mission is to keep the kids alive every single day, trying to keep a relationship alive can be “hard”. For a recently broken up couple, relationships are “the worst!” Whatever the stage of a relationship one is in, one thing remains true. Nobody ever willingly got into a relationship with the intention of breaking up. We all hope forÂ our versionsÂ of a happily ever after.Â So how do you do it?Â Below are some tips on how to be happy in a relationship.

Evaluate your expectations

In every aspect of life, – not just relationships – unrealistic expectations are usually a precursor to disappointment. It is no wonder that there is a whole niche on the internet that illuminates on the “expectation vs reality” phenomenon. There are videos and pictures everywhere that show just how naive we can be with our expectations. What we don’t consider is that we are so different as a human species that what works for one person will not necessarily work for us.

Likewise, we tend to base the success of our personal relationships on what the media outlets – ahem “Instagram couples under the hash tags #couplegoals and #relationshipgoals” – suggest our relationships should look like. If you want to be happy in your relationship, re-evaluate and manage your expectations to fit you as a couple. Work with what works for you and quit making unrealistic expectations.

Know your worth

I can attest to the truth of the fact that people learn from you how to treat you. In other words, nobody can treat you like tissue paper if you don’t allow them to. Everything about the way you carry yourself, and the way you treat yourself sends signals to other people and subconsciously primes them on what is and is not appropriate in their interactions with you.

People who know their worth expect to be treated right in a relationship. And they will not take or stand anything that is less than. Not to be confused with demanding. Demanding comes from a place of insecurity… wanting to have a power over someone else in order to feel better. But knowing one’s worth comes from a place of knowledge, and truth… a truth that will set you free from people who treat you less than you deserve.

What does love and a relationship mean to you? And to your partner?

It is important to have an understanding of what love and being in a relationship means to you. And what it means to your partner. For some, love is the feeling of butterflies in your stomach when you are in the presence of your partner. For others, love is providing food and shelter for their loved one – butterflies or no butterflies.

For some, a relationship means having each other’s back all the time, while for others, a relationship might mean committing to having sex with just one person for as long as you are together. Impersonal and unromantic as the latter sounds, it is actually a thing nowadays.

To be happy in a relationship, you have to have some basic understanding of what both of you expect from each other. As I mentioned earlier, having realistic expectations will save you disappointment and possible heartbreak.

Identify your love language

There are five love languages.

Gift giving / receiving Quality Time Words of Affirmation Physical Touch and Acts of Service.

Take some time to identify how you show your love and how your partner shows love. Remember, how you give love might be different from how you would want to receive love. You will be happier in your relationship once you identify both your ways of giving and receiving love.

Tame your monster

Jealousy…Pride…Paranoia…Super ego…Drama… You name it. We all have that one – and for others more than one – thing that always gets us in trouble when in hindsight we could have handled the situation differently. For any relationship to thrive, we need to be aware of the monsters that ruin how we relate to our loved ones.

Quite honestly, how many times have you unleashed the monster – knowingly or unknowingly – and later regretted it? So learn to tame the monster. Learn to take a step back, evaluate the situation and then proceed to take the appropriate action.

Be in the moment

Relationships just like everything else have their ups and downs. So when you have good times, savor the moment. Clear your mind off all clutter and focus on this heavenly moment with your partner. Forget past hurts, current turmoils and future engagements and take this moment to just enjoy each other. Don’t let the moment pass you by. Often times, we are too caught up in all the background noise that distracts us from theÂ right here right nowÂ moment.Â Being in the moment not only provides for a richer relationship, but it provides you with straws to hold on to when your relationship is undergoing a rough patch.

How to be happy in a relationship – Summary

A crucial point to note: Happiness begins with you before you can expect to be happy with anyone else. If you haven’t learnt how to be happy by yourself, it is quite unlikely that another human being will be the ultimate source of your happiness.

Secondly, understand your partner. Identify their love languages, communication styles and general disposition towards love and relationships. How do these things compare to your own? Do they complement each other or are they sources of conflict?

Finally, when you understand yourself and your partner, manage your expectations. It is up to you and your partner – not the media, society or relatives – to determine how your realistic ‘happily ever after’ looks like.

Whether you are in a relationship or not please read the article on tips that kids can teach us about happiness to understand the purest form of happiness.

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