SYRACUSE, NY—Saying the bulleted list of diagnostic criteria had touched something at the very core of his being, local 34-year-old Adam Zenner reported Friday that an online depression symptoms checklist was speaking to him as no poem ever could. “When I read those words for the first time, I was completely mesmerized—it’s almost like the part about persistent sad and anxious feelings was written just for me,” said Zenner, adding that no piece of writing had ever resonated with him as deeply as the checklist’s stirring opening lines about changes in appetite and the tendency to fixate on past failures. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read it. There’s one section in particular, about having difficulty concentrating and making decisions, that I keep coming back to again and again because I just connect with it on some deep existential level. It’s hard to explain, but it’s like these 12 short lines have completely reshaped my world.” At press time, an awed Zenner was rereading the “absolutely perfect” closing line about suicidal ideation.

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