You know who hated the Baltimore riots this past week more than anyone else? Bruce Jenner, that’s who. I guarantee he was ticked after all the orchestrated Diane Sawyer hullabaloo of how he loves to strut around in Donna Karan evening wear on Friday nights with just his “close friends” got drowned out by Baltimore snappin’, cracklin’ and poppin’.

Yep, Jenner was so ticked I heard he had to have an emergency mani-pedi spa day and a little Lane Bryant retail therapy just to chillax. Which is completely normal according to they and them, so don’t laugh and definitely don’t judge.

By the way, and y’all help me with my troglodytic ignorance, why would a handsome man want to look like an ugly, big shouldered, strudel-Hun, huh? We may never truly know. I guess we can add that ditty to the other mysteries of the universe. Any way … back to last week’s riots.

As much as the riots probably made Jenner a Sad Sack for selfish, tyranny-business reasons, I bet the riots also made Hillary one happy, serial, BS-artist.

Think about it: Just as the NYT, SNL and CNN were hot on her slim shady slime trail of corrupt cash, lawyer tricks, email BS and weapons grade Hildebeest Tomfoolery, BOOM … Baltimore is burnin’! Hallelujah! Salvation! I bet that old, corrupt Jezebel was so happy she cooked up two batches of witch’s brew in celebration of the mayhem the thugs wrought last week in the Orioles’ home town.

Uh, oh. My bad. I forgot that after this past week we may no longer refer to destructive, looting and pillaging blacks as “thugs” because “thugs”, according to the Speech Nazis, is a now verboten. Indeed, starting right now, in keeping with The Leftists’ New Rules, the term “thug” is the equivalent of the “N-word” and thus, anyone who floats that word must be “a racist”. Which is weird because I, Whitey Whitebread, have used thug to describe white trash who trash crap just for the helluva it.

Being both confused and inquisitive, I googled up the word “thug” to see if it had diddly to do with the gnarly N-word. What I found was that thug owes it’s origin to early 19th century India were gangs of idiots murdered, robbed and strangled their Indian victims. The word then got adopted by us Yankees and broadened to describe low-lifers who were stupid, violent and consistent violators of the law, which means, low-and-behold, it has nada to do with the N-bomb or blacks. That said, we should not pay attention to the etymology of the word because, you see, the Leftists are gods and we must bow and kiss their ring.

Therefore, in the spirit of politically correct yumminess, and in complete capitulation to the speech-neutering, Orwellian thought-police, here are some replacement words for the now banned term when it relates to black thugs … I mean … confused and spiritually wounded African-American youths.

Instead of calling blacks who senselessly destroy and loot their own neighborhood, thugs, what about calling them…

1. Puppy dogs? Why puppy dogs? Well, puppy dogs mean well, but we all know they do mess things up significantly -- but they’re puppy dogs and don’t know better so … we can’t be angry at them. 2. Change facilitators? Change facilitators is also a more palatable term when describing rioters. No one would argue that certain things must change, eh? Now, granted, normal people wouldn’t call stealing Slim-Jims, Charm’s Blow-Pops, rolls of toilet paper, a case of Mad Dog 20/20 or ramming stolen cars through roadblocks change per se, but then again who are we to say a civil approach is the best way to get things done? 3. Canadians? That’s not a bad idea, eh? I mean, come on, no one likes Canadians so … let’s brand the violent rampagers with that moniker.

Ah, man. Who am I kidding? As much as I try I can’t look at the crap that occurred last week in Baltimore and call the perpetrators thereof any other thing but thugs. If it were white punks who were doing that junk I’d call them thugs, among other things. So, to the speech police who want us to leap verbal hurdles and not lambaste the out-of-control swines' bellicose behavior, all I’ve got to say to you is … thug, thug, thug, thug, thug, thug, thug, thug.