From college through about age 43, the phrase ‘abortion on demand and without apology’ made me cringe. I thought those of us who were pro-choice should acknowledge the sincere feelings on the other side, talk about how seriously women take the decision, remind people that sometimes an abortion at one point enables you to be a stable, good mom later in life. Remind them that some girls end up pregnant with a rapist’s child, or their own father’s child. I approved of the catchphrase ‘pro-child, pro-family, pro-choice.’

But you know what they say about changing hearts and minds? Over the last few years, the Right changed my heart and mind with their hair-splitting rape definitions, forced nonessential ultrasounds, assault on birth control, blithe ignorance of how bodies and birth control even work. With their staged outrage over the legal and regulated practice of tissue donation, the slut-shaming, the insistence that women must be protected from decisions they might later regret. (Somehow that last one is the worst.) And now, with their threats to shut down the federal government over an organization that found, treated, and cured my precancer when I was a terrified 20-year-old kid. I’m a changed person now. A person who says yes: on demand and without apology. Because this has never been about babies, or prevention, or protecting women. It’s never even been about God.

Having an abortion because the child you’re already in love with is going to be born without a brain? I am so sorry, and you don’t owe me an explanation. Having an abortion because your birth control failed and you think a two-child family is enough? Sounds like you’ve thought it through for yourselves, and you don’t owe me an explanation. Having an abortion because you got drunk and woke up in the wrong guy’s bed and don’t wanna have his kid? Hope it was fun, and you don’t owe me an explanation. Having an abortion because the fetus has three plausible fathers and you can’t see any other way out of that particular pickle? No explanation needed, and uh, good luck with that. Relying on abortion as your birth control because you’re can’t get it together to take one little pill a day? Sounds like you’ve got some issues, babe, but you don’t need to explain your legal medical procedure to me.

On demand. Without apology. And you are not obligated to agonize. You are not obligated to regret. You are not obligated to stop having sex or even to stop sleeping around. You owe us nothing. And what you owe yourself is for you to decide.