Some people regard Toby as incredibly stupid but I think he is possibly the most intelligent animal I have ever met. If I could do nothing but sleep all day and have someone feed me and clean up my shit I would take full advantage of it too.



I quite like dogs, if I was going to have a pet it would be a dog. Not one like Toby though. I pretended to like Toby for his owners sake but everytime I put on a jacket and found it covered in an inch of hair, I would plot ways to kill and bury him in the backyard. Nobody would have found him as noone was brave enough to venture into the backyard due to the 200 kilo dog turds hidden every few feet beneath the knee height grass. Spot the Difference











One of these animals weighs 600 kilos, sleeps twenty three hours per day and only moves to eat. The other one is a walrus. One of these animals weighs 600 kilos, sleeps twenty three hours per day and only moves to eat. The other one is a walrus. Toby Facts



Each Toby turd weighs upwards of 200 kilos and, once dried, can be hollowed out and used as a garden shed.



If Toby was replaced with a stuffed version it would be several weeks before anyone was aware... and only then by the absence of new 200 kilo turds on the lawn.



Due to not having the time for hygiene, Toby's aroma has been known to peel veneer.



If the hair that Toby sheds in a single day was collected, it would provide enough filling for two hundred and eighty sofa cusions. If an entire week of hair was collected and spun, it would provide enough yarn to knit a beanie that would fit Thomas' head.



Below is the amount of hair collected from a single square metre of floor after Toby walked past.



Each Toby turd weighs upwards of 200 kilos and, once dried, can be hollowed out and used as a garden shed.If Toby was replaced with a stuffed version it would be several weeks before anyone was aware... and only then by the absence of new 200 kilo turds on the lawn.Due to not having the time for hygiene, Toby's aroma has been known to peel veneer.If the hair that Toby sheds in a single day was collected, it would provide enough filling for two hundred and eighty sofa cusions. If an entire week of hair was collected and spun, it would provide enough yarn to knit a beanie that would fit Thomas' head.Below is the amount of hair collected from a single square metre of floor after Toby walked past. Tricks that Toby can do:









































A day in the life of Toby:







8.00am Sleeping.









9.00am Moves hind leg twenty four centimetres and head six.









10.00am Moves back to original position.









11.00am Signs of life noticed.









11.10am Signs of life no longer visible.









12.00pm Sleeping.









1.00pm Sleeping.









1.40pm An unexpected moment of alertness as Toby mistakes the sound of a plastic wrapper being put in the bin for that of a packet of crisps being opened.









1.50pm As he is up anyway, Toby decides to take one of his 200 kilo craps on the lawn.









2.00pm After the effort of getting up and taking a crap, Toby is too tuckered to make it the extra ten metres back to bed and takes a quick nap on his blanky.











3.00pm Sleeping.









4.00pm Sleeping.









5.00pm Sleeping









6.00pm Dinner time. Toby has never tasted dog food and a four course meal is lovingly prepared for him each night by his personal chef.









7.00pm Tuckered out after the effort of chewing and swallowing.









8.00pm

Having gained the energy to walk the ten metres to his bedroom by taking a nap, Toby goes to bed to have a nap.









9.00pm Sleeping.

