By Grant Castleberry

Originally posted October 24th, 2014.

My brother is in his final year as a college student at Texas A&M. I am writing this post for him and myriads of other young men like him—young, single men that I have conversations with almost daily about life and relationships. I know that God does not call every man to marriage, but for the many that he does, it is a good thing that they find a godly wife. Outside of salvation in Jesus Christ, a godly wife brings more joy and happiness to a man than anything else on earth. As the Scripture says, “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:10–12). What man does not want to find that? A woman that he can trust with every ounce of his being. An honest woman of upright integrity that desires her husband’s success. But where does a man begin if he wants to find a woman like that? Where does he start to begin the search for a woman of such value? By no means is this list exhaustive, nor or these necessarily in order of importance, although the first one is.

1) Pursue the Lord with all of your heart

This might seem contrary to the objective, but it is actually primary in reaching it. Before a man finds a godly woman, he first finds the living God. He begins to long to glorify Jesus Christ with his life and sees Christ as infinitely valuable and worth all of his time and energy (1 Corinthians 10:31). A godly woman will not settle for anything less! She wants a man that could be a spiritual leader for her, a man that she can respect (1 Peter 3:1). So be a man after God’s own heart and don’t look back!

2) Know your value in Christ

Your value is found in the fact that you are created in God’s image and that if you are a believer in Christ, God loves you as much as his beloved Son (John 17:23). If you are seeking your validity or worth in a woman, you will not find a godly woman, because you will be looking for qualities that the world esteems rather than the qualities that God esteems. Rather, you must find your value in God’s love for you displayed at the cross.

3) Pray every day for a godly wife

If you are not praying for a godly woman, do not expect God to bring you one. Seek the Lord in prayer and ask him to bring you a godly woman. It is OK to do that. Remember, you are asking the Lord for “a good thing.” Not a bad thing. And as Jesus reminds us, “How much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him” (Matthew 7:11)! Also, pray for wisdom and discernment. God is more than willing to give that to you as well if you will ask him for it (James 1:5–8). Also, start praying for your future wife. Pray for her protection and her own growth in godliness.

4) Search the Scriptures

Read the Scriptures daily and God will give you wisdom, and the Holy Spirit will use the Word to transform and renew your mind to be more like Christ’s (Romans 12:1–2). You will read passages like Proverbs 31 and Titus 2, and you will see and learn about what God considers to be a godly woman. A vision for what type of woman God is leading you to will begin to form in your mind as you listen to the Word of God. Most importantly, your own heart and character will begin to become more like Christ’s.

5) Join a church

Do not just attend a church. Join a church. And by joining a church, I mean a church where the Word is taught as the inerrant and infallible Word of God, where the Word is taught and preached, where the Gospel of Jesus Christ is cherished, and where people are on mission to bring the Gospel to the world. Not only will your relationships with other believers be edifying and challenging, you will now be surrounded by other godly men and women who will pour themselves into your life. Also, this should be obvious, but church is where the godly women are! If you want to see a football game, you go to the football stadium. If you want to find a godly girl, go to a church.

6) Embrace God’s call on your life

A godly woman wants a vision that is bigger than her. She wants to join a man on mission that is doing something with his life. She wants to be a part of something special. It is your job to figure out what this is. What are you to do with your life? Where are you to go? How are you going to invest in building the kingdom of God?

7) Work hard

A godly woman does not want to marry a lazy man. She wants to marry a hard worker whom she can respect. She’s looking for a Proverbs 22:29 man: “Do you see a man skillful in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before obscure men.” This means that it is time to put away childish things—like playing Call of Duty for hours every night—and for you to become good at something! Take ownership and pride in your work and work hard. Strive to become the best at what you do.

8) Do NOT assume that every relationship you have with a woman is romantic

You must first learn to treat all Christian women as “sisters in Christ.” It is selfish and myopic to think that just because a woman was kind and had a conversation with you that she is interested in you romantically. Instead, develop appropriate friendships with Christian women in the context of service in the church. A godly woman wants to first see your godly character on display before she wants to trust you emotionally and romantically in a serious relationship.

9) Stop asking out the pretty face

Young men will often meet a pretty girl and immediately begin to think about asking her out—without first knowing anything about her character or whether or not she is a follower of Christ. Before you ask a girl out you should know something of her character and her godliness. Find out what church she is a “member” of and how she is serving. Please, stop asking out the girls that just add “Jesus” to a long list of other interests, because there are godly women out there who value Christ above everything else. See number 5. You will most likely meet a godly girl at church or serving at another Christian organization or institution.

10) Seek older, godly men as mentors

Older men who know the Lord are probably wiser than you are. They have seen more, experienced more, and most importantly have walked with God longer than you have. They will be able to invest in your life and impart wisdom to you in ways that your peers cannot. Also, more often than not, older, godly men are married to older, godly women, who know and are mentoring young, godly women. See where I am going with this? Long story short, pursue relationships with older, wiser men. Where do you meet these men? Got back to step number 5, and join a church!