Erotomania and Unrequited Love.

One thing that is pretty certain in unrequited love is that you are not going to let go of a person or a situation unless you are ready for it. And you are probably not going to be ready before you understand what is really going on inside you that keeps you holding on. Erotomania, a condition in which the patient believes that a secret admirer is declaring his or her affection for them through special glances, signals, telepathy, or messages through the media, shows an unshakable delusional belief in the lover. The lover perceives a need for something. Thus, the first thing that needs to be done is to uncover your needs. Particularly as they relate to whatever it is that is causing you to form such beliefs.

Understand that you are searching for something outside of yourself to complete your sense of self. You do not feel whole and then you mistakenly look outside of yourself for someone to make you whole. The important point to understand here is that since you are already whole, but only think you’re not, this search does not work. I have always said in my articles that finding love in someone who doesn’t want to reciprocate the feeling is looking beyond the universe, because you are the universe; everything is within you. The best relationship is your relationship with yourself. The best experiences in life manifest with the highest levels of self-love and self-esteem.

Erotomania is a rare condition. Some cases are not totally delusional: they may begin with an episode of casual sex after which one of the partners perseverates. Most cases of erotomania are not dangerous and their delusions respond fairly well to low-dose anti-psychotic medication. For some reason, erotomania has been typically considered a female condition, however, male erotomania as well as homosexual cases, both male and female, have been recorded. It is believed that the condition is more serious in males, especially when the object of erotomanic attention is more than one.

Stalking and erotomania are exaggerated forms of male and female-typical behaviour that occur when psychiatric disorders such an obsession, anti-social personality and delusions are added to the mix of loneliness and deficient self-esteem. The feeling of obsessive jealousy is often noticed in such patients, which is extremely unpleasant for them too. But they cannot do anything about it until they accept that they are jealous of people who are closer than they are to their object of desire! The condition itself echoes many aspects of mental illness and its key feature, loss of control, may be an evolutionary device to provoke the risky behaviours needed to overcome inhibitions against mating.

Psychologists suggest that Erotomania occurs most commonly in middle-aged women who believe that a high-status male, who is known to them (e.g. their doctor or lawyer, or a celebrity), is secretly in love with them. They believe that their loved one is somehow prevented from declaring themselves. They imagine that he is leaving little clues to signal his interest, or contacting them through telepathy or the media.

So, what should you do if you suspect you suffer from erotomania? Experts say that if a person suspects that they suffer from erotomania consulting a psychiatrist is the first thing to do. However, the challenge here is that the patient is so deluded, they don’t even want to believe that they are suffering with a condition, let alone visiting a psychiatrist for treatment. The term erotomania is often mistakenly confused with obsessive love, obsession with unrequited love, unattainable love or hypersexuality. The core symptom of erotomania is that the person suffering from the disorder refuses to believe that the object of their love is not in love with them. They have an unshakable delusional belief that their beloved is secretly in love with them. In extreme cases, some patients believe that there is a group of individuals in love with him.

The loss of a loved one, whether in the full flight of passion or the companionate years that follow is obviously extremely painful, with potentially life-threatening repercussions. Jealousy is a natural emotion that can promote positive mate-retention behaviours or unleash destructive, even murderous impulses. Overall, the agony of love is every bit as intense as the ecstasy.

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