Forget the half-hearted, limp-wristed, Brian Burke-ordered stick salute to fans. Here’s a question for Leafs Nation: could you ever see Dion Phanuef, captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs, skating over after a game and apologizing to a group of fans after another loss?

Yeah. Thought so. That’s why while I was thinking about putting together a call-in segment on my talk show to come up with a Leafs Fan Bill of Rights, the images from a Bundesliga match in Dortmund so resonated with me.

Borussia Dortmund has tumbled from a lofty international perch to dead-last in the top tier of German soccer, and after a 1-0 loss to Augsburg on Tuesday, goalkeeper Roman Weidenfeller and captain Mats Hummels went over to some of the 80,000 home fans who were braying – not to confront them, but to placate them. Talk to them – apologize to them. Weidenfeller climbed on a barrier and leaned over the crowd, talking to individuals fans. Hummels – without security visible – stood at the bottom. One fan patted him on his shoulders and gestured wildly, eyes wide open as he made his point emotionally.

It is true that German soccer is considered the most fan-friendly, accessible league in the world. And Borussia Dortmund, which has the highest average attendance of any association soccer team in the world, has a recent history of national and international success. They do things the right way, something of which the Leafs could never be accused. Still, it was to recognize this clear demonstration of fan empowerment that I asked callers to my show on Sportsnet The Fan 590 and twitter followers to contribute to the first-ever Leafs Fan Bill of Rights.

This is what we came up with ….

“We the under-appreciated members of Leaf Nation, bound by the frustration that unites us all, do hereby demand ….

– We the members of Leaf Nation demand the right to petition Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment, Ltd., for a redress of grievances

– A right to be proud of our team; reserve the right to punch the internet when horrible friends and media mock us

– A level of effort equal to the strength of the brand, and the legacy, that is the Toronto Maple Leafs

– The rights to Connor McDavid

– The right to have at least one top 10 centre on EVERY team

– That season’s ticket prices correspond to performance; for example, if you finish fifth from the bottom, the next year’s seats must be the fifth-cheapest

– The Gary Roberts Principle: 110 percent all the time; don’t take a night off

– That every Leafs player attend Gary Roberts’ off-season camp (we’re looking at you Phil)

– The rights to Connor McDavid

– Of platinum seat holders: everybody in the private boxes and bars, if you’re not back in your seat within three minutes, kids from the upper levels get to take your seats. You can have theirs

– Of platinum seat holders: no admission unless you’re wearing Leafs swag (and not one of those free home opener scarves)

– That after five losses, the sixth game is free

– Every player has to have at least three solid hits on every night or be benched

– That David Clarkson become the mean S.O.B. he was with the New Jersey Devils

– The rights to a Global Ambassador, as long as it isn’t Jim Cuddy or Alan Frew

– A formal renunciation to “draft schamft”

– The rights to Connor McDavid

– The dismissal of all front office staff without prejudice for failing to reach either a second round of playoffs or securing a top-five pick

– The inalienable right to become a Habs fan

– An organization using transparency with their fans; also, no hockey decisions by the shareholders

– The rights to Connor McDavid

And there you have it; the first draft of our Leafs Fan Bill of Rights. You want to add some more? That’s what the comment section is for.

E PLURIBUS FRUSTRATUM