Over at Bird’s Eye View, we recently released the 2015 BEVy Awards. The BEVys is a faux awards show, where we dole out nonexistent hardware to Orioles that have been in some way memorable in the first half. We took a look back at the season thus far, and broke down what was Good, what was Bad, and what was Ugly.

Go check out the show for some guest appearances by a number of our Bird Friends – you’ll recognize plenty of familiar voices from local blogs and podcasts.

It’s become something of a tradition for us to produce a couple of musical numbers for the opening, and the 2015 BEVys were no exception. Here’s Jake’s contribution (with full apologies to Paul Simon), Fifty Ways to Strand a Runner.

Fifty Ways to Strand a Runner

The offense is a potent one,

So it seems to me.

Although the O’s rely on homers

To assure their victory.

I wish that they could figure out

How to manufacture runs.

There must be… fifty ways to strand a runner.

You know, it’s really not my habit to intrude.

Furthermore, I hope my meaning won’t be lost or miscontstrued.

But I’ll repeat myself, at the risk of being crude:

There must be… fifty ways to strand a runner.

Fifty way to strand a runner.

Swing out of your bones, Jones.

Line out on a rope, Schoop.

Hit a warning track smash, Flash.

No RISP.

Too slow to steal first, Lough,

You don’t seem to see Crush, much.

Just take strike three, Parmelee.

No RISP.

Just shoulder that bat, Matt.

Hit a six-four-three, Steve.

Inning-ending double play, J.J.

No RISP.

That pop up stung, Young.

And these rallies are no fun!

Just chase that slider, Snider.

No RISP.

These games, they grieve me so and bring me so much pain.

I wish the Orioles Magic would return to make me smile again.

I would appreciate if their play would be more like June than May.

Please forget these fifty ways,

But we still watch these games night after fruitless night.

Because deep inside, we still believe that soon they’ll see the light.

Things seem hopeless, and the Orioles, try as though they might,

Find the… fifty ways to strand a runner.

Fifty ways to strand a runner.

Swing out of your bones, Jones.

Line out on a rope, Schoop.

Hit a warning track smash, Flash.

No RISP.

Too slow to steal first, Lough,

You don’t seem to see Crush, much.

Just take strike three, Parmelee.

No RISP.

Just shoulder that bat, Matt.

Hit a six-four-three, Steve.

Inning-ending double play, J.J.

No RISP.

That pop up stung, Young.

And these rallies are no fun!

Just chase that slider, Snider.

No RISP.