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Transcript:

Friends, I need help. I have an addiction and it may be killing me. I am addicted to QAnon. I’ve now made, like, four videos about this conspiracy theory and every time a new one crosses my path I fall down another rabbit hole where all I can do is gaze in wonder at the true depths humanity can fall. Hold on to your hats because this is a good one.

Back in December of 2018 just before Christmas, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg underwent surgery for early stage lung cancer. At the age of 85, any surgery is going to be difficult but luckily she came through just fine. She was released the day after Christmas, and was declared cancer free. By mid-February, eight weeks after her surgery, she was back on the bench before the public.

OR WAS SHE? Maybe that’s just what “they” wanted you to think. And by “they” I mean the same liberal establishment who has been hiding a pedophile ring in the basement of the Alamo. I mean a pizza place. Whatever. Maybe “they” actually are covering up the fact that the Notorious RBG is, in fact, DEAD.

Why would they do this? Why it’s simple: the liberal establishment want to prevent Donald Trump from being able to appoint another Supreme Court justice, so they Weekend at Bernies RBG until Trump is out of office, at which point they elect a Democrat, announce that she has died, and then get a liberal justice on the bench.

This plan makes perfect sense, except for a few minor details.

First and foremost, Merrick Garland. Democrats had a chance to nominate a Supreme Court justice while Obama was in power but they royally fucked it up, allowing Republicans to stall the process until Trump could get into power. This tells us two things: one, Democrats are completely unable to complete simple tasks like legally appointing a justice when they have the power to do so, and two, that it’s possible to stop a president from appointing the justice he wants without covering up the death of a famous person for two or three years.

The other minor detail getting in the way of this plan is that Ruth Bader Ginsburg has appeared in public many times since her surgery. She has been seen on the bench, where she has written four majority opinions this year, and even fucking TMZ got photos of her walking around post-surgery. You know that if a bitch is dead then TMZ is gonna find out about it.

Those very minor details have not stopped QAnon followers from continuing to push this conspiracy theory, though. On Thursday, they organized a mass telephone calling in which they contacted the Supreme Court demanding “proof of life.” But, like, better proof of life than photos of her walking around, or reading the detailed majority opinions she wrote. Let’s see how that went for them.

Please, someone give that assistant a raise. Holy shit I would not have been able to be that nice to someone that thick. This moron has been invited to come see RBG LIVE AND IN PERSON in the Supreme Court and his response is BODY DOUBLE. “I’m sure it’s going to be the body double that shows up on October 7th.” There is literally no convincing them. If only they had thought to arrange a secret code word with Ruth Bader Ginsburg before she went into surgery so that in the middle of a Supreme Court hearing this neckbeard could stand up and shout “PROVE YOURSELF” and RBG could respond “CAPUCHIN MONKEY” or whatever and we could lay this whole thing to rest. Only that wouldn’t lay it to rest because then they would decide that the code had been compromised by the liberal elites hacking 8chan and passing the phrase to the body double and oh god it’s happened. I’ve covered QAnon so much that I now think like QAnon. I’ve broken my own brain. The next time you see me, it will be my body double because I am dead from the stupid. RIP.