2D

Why dont we think of a clever way to review these, like comparing them to an animal in the zoo, instead of just saying I like the drums or whatever

Warrior

Voodoo

Noodle (Speaking through her translator Alan)

Were off to a good start! My mini stack wouldnt play this single so its obviously a bit wiffy

2D

This is like a skunk

Eric Benet

Love Dont Love Me

Noodle

Oh Mr Benet wont play either!

2D

Like a bear with a sore head, this is easy!

2Pac

Until the End of Time

Noodle

Sampling Mr Mr is not a cool move and I think 2Pac would turn in his grave if he new that the record company had released this. Should be an easy on for you 2D give us a bird with broken wings!

2D

A Dodo

Dario

Say Whats On Your Mind

Noodle

Eer! I wish my stereo hadnt played this one either, quick 2D turn this hideous euro pop off!

Matthew Jay

Please Dont send me away

Noodle

Ooh, he doesnt sound like a very happy boy! It sounds like Nike Drake and Elliot Smith, I suppose it would be all right to listen to if you had just been chucked!

Turn Table Rocker

A little Funk

2D

It says this one is Germanys supreme DJ duo, that doesnt sound too promising

Noodle

It sounds a bit like Fat Boy Slim, this is the best one yet, ooohhh its gone a bit nightrider.

Brandy and Ray J

Another day in Paradise

2D

Pop has peaked! It will never get better than this, its the king of the swingers a jungle VIP!

Noodle

A cover of versions of a cover version is not my cup of tea!

Naimee Coleman

My Star

Noodle

Oh shut up!

2D

No give it a chance! Here we go, wicked! Quick turn it off, it reminds me of Samantha Mumba, and shes got a big forehead.

Alan

No, leave it on I like Miss Colon, she looks like Louise.

Thirteen13

Truth Hurts

2D

Next time I have to count to twenty Im gonna miss thirteen out because this has pissed me off so much! Id rather stick a hot match up my arse than listen to this again!

Lisa Stansfield

Lets Just Call It Love

Noodle

This is rubbish

2D

I dont like the song very much but I think Lisa Stansfiald is sexy!

Human Nature

When We Were You

2D

They make me feel sick, physically and mentally!

Alan

Me to!

Zeena

Time and Space

2D

Wow it says here that shes 24, Anglo/Asian, performing arts graduate, trainee counsellor, recovering from viral meningitis and a cartoon space traveller! She wants to make her mind up!

Noodle

What would be really a nice think to happen is that we put one of these CDs in the stereo and we couldnt predict exactly what it would sound like before we played it! Its all old crap!

Echobass featuring Ratpack

The Weakest Link

2D

I think Ann Robinson wont like this, it sounds like they are all on drugs! Novelty records are rubbish!

I was lying about Brandy too, I was just bored of having to be horrible all the time.

Addis Black Widow

Wait in Summer

2D

It says this is catchier than a dose of the Clap on a Spanish Holiday, I thought they used Maracas over there! Eer!, it sounds like the sort of thing that if you were just coming out of a coma and covered in first degree burns and you heard this youd fall into relapse!

Noodle

This one makes me want to stick a hot match up my bum!

Both

Hahahahahahaha! That could be dangerous if you were just about to fart!

Christina Aguilera-Lil Kim-Mya-Pink

Lady Marmalade

Noodle

Yet another track that turns RandB into something you pick up off of the shelves like cleaning products!

Alan

Yeah but they look like little sluts in the video, I love it!

Selina Vs Xmen

Give It Up

2D

OhnownownownownownowOhnownownow! This is crap man, bin it!

Masai

Haven and Hell

2D

Susan Vega meets Sharon from Bird of a Feather!

Noodle

Yeah and by the way the Masai are a noble African tribe and these two are

Alan

A couple of dozy blonde rug munchers!

Alien Ant Invasion

Movies

2D

Papa Roach had something to do with this, so theyll be moaning about homework and stuff! This song makes me want to watch old episodes of "Saved By the Bell" and "Grange Hill" and compare cultures.

Skinny

Morning Light

2D

They asked us to remix this, we couldnt do it because Russel was re tiling his Jacuzzi! Its got a cool hook. The best one so far.

Stereophonics

Have a Nice Day

Noodle

Forget about it! This is a thinly disguised version of the Beatles "Here Comes The Sun" and the drummer looks like Nigel from Eastenders after a stroke!

2D

I hate the Stereophonics! They should get that Mr Writer to write them some descent tunes! By the way I was joking about Brandy and Ray J, that was awful too.

Dane

Another Lover

Alan

He lives in a total fantasy world that hes an American gangster, when hes a level 5, category C ordinary bloke. He might as well give up!

2D

Nice one Al you can come round anytime mate!

Bell Fire

Perfect Bliss

2D

Its getting to the point where I cant think of anything more to say about all of this unimaginative nonesense!

The Alice Band

Instant Karma

2D

Im not reviewing any more rubbish ones, Im not even giving them the time of day!

Noodle

At last!

Farrel Lennon

Worlds Greatest Lover

2D

He man needs to seek professional help! Seriously, hes is very ill, he looks so sure of him self but Im afraid to say there is a big break down on its way for this boy!

Fats and Small

This Time Around

Noodle

This one should be reasonable.

2D

They are not Chukka Dimas and Pliers though! Turn it off, Im very disappointed!

Roni Size

Reprezent

Lucky Pressure

Noodle

Ive been saving this one, a bit of class. This is great, it makes you feel like youve drunk too much coffee your stuck on a bus on a hot day in a traffic jam, I love it! Record of the Week!

2D

Were getting to the good stuff now! We should have started with this, all that rubbish was giving me a headache! Yep record of the week.

India Irie

Video

2D

Ooh, I know this one, I love it! This is gonna be a big summer hit!

Faithless

We Come 1

Alan

This is gonna make us feel mongy, this lot come on like a dull geography teacher whos dropped out and started sniffing glue, they think they are so clever, I hate that!

2D

Alright Alan mate, steady on, youre here to translate what Noodle says, OK?

Alan

Sorry.

Linkin Park

Paper Cut

Noodle

At least its heavy and it knows where its coming from.

2D

Yeah.

Shaft

Kiki Riri Boom

Noodle

Oh yeah, Cuba a go go. Oh no its turned into Gloria Estephan!

Alan

I love it! Oops, sorry, I forgot!

Gorillaz

19/2000

Alan

This one is my favourite and Im not just saying that!