“You’re climbing up to the slide, Brian! Stair, stair, stair! You’re at the top! You’re sitting down! You’re sliding! Wheeee!”

Yes, Martha, we all read the same child psychology study that you did. We know that talking to your baby is correlated with higher IQ. But unlike you, we also know that the follow-up study will confirm that this it’s also correlated with everyone around you wanting to strangle you.