Ebola is now the most preferred Liberal Party leader, having overtaken both Meningitis and Leukaemia overnight, according to a Galaxy poll conducted in the wake of Luke Simpkins MP’s spill motion.

While 68 per cent of those surveyed ranked Ebola first for both trustworthiness and consistency, other more white people diseases plummeted in popularity.

Remarking on the results, Waleed Aly has correlated the social capital associated with feigned concern for the unfathomably tragic epidemic to its polling success.

Annabel Crabb’s take on the results, however, challenges Aly’s assumptions, having announced on a 2UE interview this morning that the real reason behind Ebola’s success lies in its very nature as a social leveller.

#Ebola4PM is trending, having been tweeted by Mike Carlton first and subsequently retweeted by all of the other people whose one sentence online asides you like to like.

The one thing the results indicate above all else is that Australia is sick and tired of lies, deceit, and successive governments’ inability to stick by their tallest dwarf.

New Matilda reached out to the Prime Minister’s office for comment, but failed to receive immediate reply.

Ebola’s chief-of-staff has publicly quelled rumours of a leadership challenge, citing the “Jewish media rumour mill” as the instigator and promulgator of party tension.

While it is impossible at this stage in our inquiry to ascertain the veracity of this accusation, the proposition does beg the question: have YOU ever met a Jew with Ebola?

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