Amy Bouzaglo, one half of the illogical team behind Kitchen Nightmares' biggest disaster, has kept herself quite busy after shuttering her Scottsdale, Ariz. restaurant Amy's Baking Company. Bouzaglo and her husband Samy were so delusional and reactionary towards any criticism that they manage to scare away shouty chef Gordon Ramsay during the filming of Kitchen Nightmares. (The incessant meowing probably didn't help either.)

Since then, Bouzaglo has self-published an e-cookbook where she encourages readers to become "baking warriors." And now, Bouzaglo has written a — surprise, surprise — very strange op-ed in which she reveals "truths" about the show, Ramsay, the closure of the restaurant, and the future (turns out she is writing "animated video game"). Below, the 13 best lines (these are all direct quotes):

1. On how real Kitchen Nightmares is: "The show was as fake as Gordon's hair, they set us up and edited us to look like lunatics because they did not like how we told them to leave after the second night of filming."

2. On Ramsay's behavior: "Gordon Ramsay sexually harassed me during the filming." (This isn't the first time she has accused Ramsay of this.)

3. On Ramsay being sued by his employees in Los Angeles a few months after filming: "LOL Karma."

4. On Ramsay's destructiveness: "Gordon is a lying bully who gets paid to destroy people lives and lead them to suicide."

5. On Ramsay and karma: "He has terrible Karma coming to him, unfortunately it is well deserved."

6. On why they kept Amy's Baking Company open after Kitchen Nightmares aired: "We have been very very busy since the show aired. We decided to stay 2.5 years to prove to the WORLD that Gordon Ramsay & Upper Ground Productions lied to all of their viewers."

7. On why they closed the restaurant: "We decided to sell our restaurant. We did not lose it or close it because of bad publicity!... We are financially whole and very strong."

8. On their old landlords: "Our previous Slumlords (Karlin Real Estate) were one of the reasons we decided to sell. We had the worst Landlords imaginable for three years."

9. On the future of Amy's Baking Company: "We will be selling our desserts exclusively online and we are also building a Studio Kitchen for filming Baking and Cooking Video Demos."

10. On her side projects: "I have also developed a story that will be turned into Comics, A animated Video game and eventually hopefully a animated digital movie."

11. On her tell-all book: "We are also working on a video and book that tells the true account on what really happened behind the scenes during the filming of [Kitchen Nightmares]."

12. On Ramsay being a bully, part two: "The simple truth is we put Gordon Ramsay a paid BULLY in his place and he didn't like it and his ‘team' didn't like it."

13. On ending her op-ed: "Peace!"