Hey everyone! Thanks again for visiting the site for another exciting interview! I’m really excited about this next one because, according to our source, it’s Taylor Swift! The only thing I have to say about it is she better not be fucking lying.

We’ve been prepping for the interview for weeks now and have run into a bunch of speed bumps and delays along the way, so I’d be real sore if it turns out she’s a fucking liar.

It’s happened before too! This one time we were supposedly going to interview Hugh Jackman, but it turns out we got George R. R. Martin instead! Are you kidding me!? I haven’t even watched Game of Thrones so what the fuck was I going to talk to him about? He was never in Les Miserables as the stunning and brave Jean Valjean! He probably can’t even sing, like, at all!

Listen, we all love Taylor Swift. She has been an inspiration to our youth to follow their dreams and to never let an ex-lover get you down. It would be the experience of a lifetime to be able to interview her. Is actually getting what you were promised too much to ask for in this country? The last thing I need right now is my booking agent to find me another fucking liar like the last time.

I don’t know where people get off tricking and lying to others. No one gains anything from it except for enemies. You have to be one cold son of a bitch to get a rise out of someone else’s embarrassment. We are supposed to live together as a community and be respectful of each other, but we have these jackasses roaming around pretending to be Hugh Jackman. It sickens me.

All I’m saying is Taylor Swift better be seated in that fucking chair when I enter the room to start asking her about her newest album and any plans for the future. It better not be Betty White, Beyonce, or Jennifer “I like to walk around with no pants on” Lawrence. If Taylor Swift isn’t there, I’m jumping off the roof of this building.

EDIT: It was fucking George R. R. Martin again.