“So is it a virus?”

“No, that’s the thing - it’s not biological. It seems to be entirely…mental.”

“What, like a mind ray?”

“No, like a…you know when you get a song stuck in your head? There’s nothing psychic or viral about that, but you still can’t get it out.”

“Wait wait wait…so you’re saying people all over the country are fucking each other because they’ve got a song stuck in their head?”

“No! Jesus, you just don’t listen, do you?”

Maggie rolled her eyes. Brendan was…he wasn’t stupid, exactly, he just really struggled to understand stuff sometimes. She normally didn’t hang out with him one-on-one, but the rest of their gaming group were running late, and so she was stuck talking to him about the weird phenomenon that the news was going on about.

“It’s probably nothing,” she said with a sigh. “It’s like swine flu, or anthrax - it’s just the media making a big deal out of nothing. In two weeks’ time, we won’t have heard anything else about it.”

“For sure.”

Soon after, the others arrived - Patrick and his sister Clare, and Clare’s best friend Irene. Maggie put the conversation out of her mind, and focussed on rolling up a new character.

That night on the train home, a man sat opposite her, and she couldn’t help but notice a strange look in his eye. Nothing that was cause for alarm, just an odd gleam. She found herself leaning forward, trying to get a better view, when suddenly she looked down, and noticed that the man’s cock was out.

“What the hell are you doing?” she said, sitting back in alarm. “What the fuck is going on?”

“What!?” he said, looking around in panic, even as his right hand grasped his flaccid penis and started to pull and tug.

“That!” she said, and he looked down, confused.

“This?” he asked, looking at her like she was insane. “This is…what’s wrong with you? It’s my cock. I was just going to cum in your hair.”

“Jesus Christ!” she said, standing up. “I need to go.”

“What?” he said, calling out after her. “Don’t tell me you’re one of those religious freaks. Whose hair am I going to cum in now??”