Why You May as Well Vote for Joe Biden

We all want a president who will take bold, decisive action, who will work to stop excess greenhouse emissions and climate change, to make America more equitable, to lessen rampant income inequality, and to restore America’s standing as a beacon across the world for hope and democracy. Who wouldn’t want that? But that’s a weird fantasy world. Here, in reality world, Joe Biden is running, and he’s good enough for us.

Imagine that you’re stuck on a life raft. The boat has gone down, because the captain drove it directly into an iceberg, the boat sank, and now you’re out to sea. Oh, and the life raft is sinking now too, because someone dropped a knife in it while they were cutting up a turkey or something.

Then, up comes another ship that happens to have accidentally scraped against an iceberg, but is still mostly afloat. Wouldn’t you want to get into that ship?

That ship is Joe Biden. Joe isn’t free from mistakes. Who is? Certainly not Joe. In fact, many would say he has so many things against him he shouldn’t be running, and should have taken his chance to exit gracefully. Would I say that? No, no, no — not around him, but I’ve thought it. I think about a lot of things. I am also thinking about donating money to his campaign. And so should you.

“Why are you offering Joe Biden only faint praise? Aren’t you trying to raise money for his campaign?” Yes, I am. But, I must remind you, faint praise is still praise. Am I also praising other candidates? Absolutely, they electrify audiences and put forth clear, progressive ideas. Who doesn’t like that? But things like “ideas” and “ability” don’t win elections. Elections are won by having name recognition with people too lazy to do more than watch five minutes of MSNBC before going to sleep with a big bowl of porridge resting delicately on their blanket-covered tummies. That’s the kind of thing that other candidates don’t have.

So I want you to think about how much you can give to our campaign. Well, not “our” campaign, more like Joe’s campaign, I’m not affiliated with it for personal reasons. But, if you happen to have an extra $2,500 laying about, why not give it to everyone’s favorite vice president. Remember when a-president-we-are-not-allowed-to-name-here-because-hasn’t-officially-endorsed-Biden called Joe Biden “the happy warrior” and “his brother”? That’s pretty amazing, right? You wouldn’t want to disappoint what we are sure that former president (hint it’s not Bush or Clinton or Carter or any of the dead ones) would probably, maybe want.

I am one of Joe’s most trusted friends and I can confidently say that I will most likely vote for Joe. Shouldn’t you?