ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Premier Of New South Boomerstan, the nation’s second worst state are Victoria, has vowed to both privatise and tax the consumption of air in the state as her election campaign comes to a close.

Speaking to the media this afternoon in Australia’s engine room, Western Sydney, Gladys Berejiklian said people need to be held accountable for their own personal carbon and greenhouse gas emissions and the best way to make that happen is via the private sector.

“For far too long, people have been converting precious oxygen into deadly cardon dioxide,” said Gladys.

“It’s time the people of NSW lifted their weight, it’s time to make them pay. However, this will be offset by the sale of breathing in NSW, which is set to net the state’s coffers some seventeen hundred billion over the next five years,”

“If we are reelected to office, breathing in NSW will become the property of a Swiss multinational called Pisseinwinde Global. That’s how we’re going to afford all these public infrastructure projects. Money doesn’t grow on trees.”

The Advocate reached out to the Opposition Leader’s office for comment, however, Mr Daley has a full schedule this afternoon that includes screaming into a pillow and throwing books about his office in an out-of-control manner.

More to come.