In an interview by TRRFN on the current republican party’s actions, Jesus had some choice words: “I am not some partisan figurehead to be abused for political gain. Human beings have developed their own laws of the land and put their own people in power. That’s to be expected, you know, that whole free will thing Dad and I gave them. But for the love of Dog (love those little critters) I wish that people would stop defending the most depraved and inhumane policies by throwing my name around. I have endorsed literally ZERO politicians EVER. I make a point of keeping my nose out of those kinds of things.

Anti-Muslim people that propose to be my followers are the WORST. They derogatorily use names like towel-head and sand-…. you know, I can’t even say it. Do you people not even realize that I’M from the middle east? It is really not cool how you’ve whitewashed my image. I am a brown person. That whole thing about loving thy neighbor doesn’t just mean the attractive blond across the street.

Some people have the nerve to say that I supported putting that Buffoon in the oval office. Seriously people, have you read even a SINGLE word of my teachings? That orange-headed dumpster fire only purports to be one of my followers to manipulate you jack-holes. I mean, he literally forbade people in an apartment building he was trying to vacate from having Christmas trees.

About that tax plan you guys just passed, you know the one that undermines health care for the poor, and gives more money to people that already have too much. Are you going to just try to ignore that whole “it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than a rich person into the kingdom of God” thing we talked about? Are you even trying?

This whole Roy Moore business is over the line. That guy is clearly literal human garbage. Let me tell you, there is a limitation to this whole “forgiveness” business. For starters, you have to be sorry, and even then, diddlers have a very narrow path towards salvation. I can’t even with that church in Alabama that hung up a sign saying “Vote Roy Moore, Jesus was persecuted too”. There’s a big difference there people, and lumping me in with a pedophile is far, far more blasphemous than some blog writer impersonating me”.