Before I dive into the actual write-up of this experience, let me put some things straight.

I have thought long and hard if I should write more about my experiences during the 10+ years at different Branches. During these years I worked from Financial department, Service Department, Home Office and different IT assignments. As you can imagine one sees and hears and reads a lot of stuff going through different stations in different countries. I lost all belief in the Organisation and even in the Bible during that time.

Up until now I have kept everything to myself. I didn't feel the need to disclose things, tell them how they happened - foremost because I think that there is nothing you can do to stop this monster from morphing and to keep destroying Lifes. I - as an individual can't do a thing - but I sure can put a needle through their heart. I also never want to be in the "lime light" and wanted to leave all this behind. I have no intentions to write books, setup websites or to go on interviews. I just don't. Enough time wasted with the WT Society.

But, I must confess, lately I feel the need to get things off my chest in a therapeutic sense - it reduces my inner rage. Another reason is that I should leave this in writing for future generations searching the Internet. They should not be able to bury the past, because people didn't have the guts to tell their story and put it in writing.

A few forwarnings:

- Sometimes I receive pm asking me to "give out documents" or to "go public" (like Andersons or others here), or disclose my real name. Don't bother: I won't. Not my intention.

- If you don't believe what I write - don't. I don't give a ...I write this for myself and also for some people that will recognize the persons and events I am writing about and THEY will know it is true. If just ONE of them can read this and get to the right conclusions than it was all worth something. I have come to believe that the truth has a certain ring to it. No need to come up with "stamped and sealed" papers - that is what the Society does. I think that authenticity speaks for itself.

- If you are an Watchtower Apologist or Bethel Monitor: You can fuck off! I will not argument or involve myself in discussions. Heck, I even might not visit this site for another couple of weeks or months, like I did in the past. But let me assure you: your past and what I know will haunt you. All these stories that I will be releasing over time will be like a needle buried deep into the Watchtower-heart!

- Be forwarned, some of the stories - like this one - are not for the faint hearted and can - at times - be quite disturbing! If you don't want to read explicit details about judicial committee's and the related cases - stop here. I am not writing this to entertain, or to "delight" in a voyeuristic manner. If I write something up, then it is because there is a lesson that I learned with the particular episode.

With all that said, let me start describing the events that led me to write the Title of this thread.

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Managua (Nicaragua). It is around 2004. The new branch was built and the country had seen growth and blessings - new assembly hall, new branch and peak publishers. There was bliss and you could smell the Paradise if you visited the Branch during that time. Everything was perfect - almost too perfect. Out of some futuristic brochure for a Borg-like vacation place.

But not everybody felt the same way. I was one of them. My inner world was more of a dark place, chaotic and deeply disturbed - jumping in and out of suicidal thoughts (tried it once - being a Bethelite - nobody noticed it and I came out unscathed). It was brutal to live a lie - an outer image to go to morning worship, smile, "pass me the bread, please" to go to assemblies and give talks, etc. and my inner world shattered and confused. To quote one of the Watchtower brochures: "If you had licked my heart, you would have died poisened." I arrived at this place as an optimistic, outgoing, refreshing person - been like that for all my Life and turned into a dark, suicidal and toxic soul. A stream of many events led to that point. It was not one single ocurrence, but the amount of evidence started to pile up in my mind - evidence that this was not the truth. Impossible. The more I thought about it, the more it would drive me crazy. Conversations with other Bethelites, with a writer for the Watchtower made things worse as I noticed that they also didn't believe everything that was written - hell, some of them didn't believe in most Bible accounts.

As I've said. Many episodes, many stories and wake-up moments. Especially during the time serving at the Service Department. All the dirt that went through my hands, probably messed up with my belief system. The following account is one of these episodes.

One day the branch receives a report that one of the anointed ones and Special pioneer had molested a few boys. He served in a remote place and often invited the boys to stay and practically live there with him. This is a poor, developing country where children are "handed around" and it is not uncommon to have other families taking care of children in need. Him, being one of the oldest witnesses in the country, well known and a spiritual leader of the community, wasn't even less of a problem. At the time, there where like only half a dozen "real" anointed ones - at least what the branch considered "real" - they had many more, but they where considered lunatics and mentally sick. This "brother" was well respected in the whole country, persecuted during the time that the branch was closed due to the guerrilla war (contras, sandinistas, etc.) and anointed!

Anyway, the District Overseer, Circuit Overseer and someone from the Branch where assigned to investigate the case. He negated everything and didn't confess. The children could deliver explicit details about him and kept mentioning a certain mark on his manhood. The committee was confused on what to do (nope, the accusations of the boys weren't good enough). So, the District Overseer seriously starts contemplating if they should ask him to put his trousers down and have a look at his junk. This created confusion, as it was highly unortodox and not mentioned in the "Shepherd the Flock" book (I am not kidding you here!). So, they ask the branch and it was decided that this was out of question and the "two witness" rule was applied. End of Story. Man get's off the hook.

What do you do with a loose end? How to stop the commotion and the scandal that was probably arising at the horizon? Rule number one: You shut up the witnesses. The Society leadership loves to pull the "it's confidential" card out of their asses. Like some rogue politician that pulls the "diplomatic status" card. Next: You invite the person to serve at Bethel! Bingo. Some people applied for years to get to work at the "most holy place" and this guy just won a ticket to the capital city to get a nice place for retirement. He ended up doing front gate service - watchmen - as he wasn't qualified for anything else and he was mostly alone - not much opportunity to take his Johnson out for a walk.

Noboby knew about this. I did. And some others (inner circle). I despised every minute that I had to sit at the same table with this man. I hated every second that people gathered around in full admiration, no doubt looking for the halo around his head. And I despised the decision makers that brought him here, an equal to others that had to be "hollier than Jesus" to become Bethelites. Eventually they caught him again red handed and he was dismissed and stripped off his privileges, sent back to some local congo. The uproar from local brothers was big. "How could the Branch treat a man like him in this way?" We received letters complaining and I had personally to sit with people, calming them down and not being able to explain why this scum bag was in their congregation now!

In the meantime the branch was shutted down and they conveniently shipped off the documents and all the evidence to the Mexican branch. But my memory - and that of others - serves well. I just hope that the conscience of some others serves as well to come out and expose the WT organization for what it is!

Why I am writing about this? Why now?

As I've said: I have the need to write it up, it clears my mind. It will help future internet surfers to see what a scam all this is and foremost I hope it pisses a few people at the top off. Another reason why I wrote this particlar episode: After long thinking sessions I eventually could see that the whole holy spirit explanation was off the table and another myth. There was no "special guidance". It simply didn't exist - people could always say: "Well, the apostles failed. Jesus choose Judas, etc." But these are all excuses - this guy was never anointed, the Committee that handled the case had ZERO divine help (hell yeah, "put your trousers down guy" is a really good way to solve the case - almost Solomonic). There was ZERO "heavenly guidance" in inviting this guy over to become a Bethelite (every Bethelite believes this!). Matter of fact: in all the years I've spent at Bethel and the Service Department in particular - I NEVER, EVER saw evidence of ANY divine help. The "appointment" of elders, circuit overseers was most of the time politics, power shuffling, full of favoritism and sometimes also blatant Simony (more about that in a later installment!). In any case, it was always some bored Bethelite rubber stamping through a bunch of papers.

One day I told the Department overseer (ME, NAIVE ASSHOLE) if we shouldn't say a prayer before we decided upon the appointment of these brothers (to become special pioneers and elders), he laughed and said no. On another occasion I concluded in a letter to a Special pioneer that was old and sick "our prayers here are with you" (something to the tune) and he striked that phrase out, laughing and saying: "oh no, they will think that we are sitting here all day long like monks and intensively praying" (saying this he made the gesture of someone praying).

To me the gap between all these wonderful Bible stories and the true, cold, hard facts was far to evident to ignore: there is and never was and never will be anything divine, holy or "spiritual" going on "behind the curtains". I ripped it open and there was nothing. The ghosts where all gone for me, to never come back again.

This was by far not the only experience or episode from my Life at Bethel that made me who I am today. Not by far. I didn't have the gut yet to write about the more gruesome ones.

But I sure hope that this will make you think and help you to make the right decision: don't waste your precious Lifetime with a man made, greedy organization. You will regret it, sooner or later you will, as truth is self-evident. The Society can't change this with a thousand nice speeches and no matter how much white washing they do: what is black is black.