Not Me… Us

Just had a phone call with my father and while talking about his health. Dad is staunchly pro Trump, but I decided it is time to bring up MCA. I did make some progress by talking real economic and social theory using the study from Lancet sprinkling in a discussion about supply side economics vs Keynesian economics . Then he started to change the subject into other policies.

He was at first talking about how he supports ICE and the border wall. I talked to him about the importance of ends not always justifying the means. I talked about international perception then expanded that into empathy.

He spit back an argument about the drug cartels and criminal illegals then mentioned Trump’s merit based immigration plan. I explored the plan with him and pointed out this is similar to, albiet much more restrictive than, a real path towards citizenship, but does not help the backlog of applicants. He faltered a bit then said that drugs and violence are a thing still.

I asked him if he thinks the war on drugs is a good thing then at the same time i asked if he read “The New Jim Crow.” To my surprise he did and after some thought he told me I had a point that ending the war on drugs could help secure the borders as well as address racial inequality. Then I asked why racial inequality was a bad thing. He responded that it is unethical to treat someone differently just because of race.

I asked about the ethics of asylum. At that point he deflected like something triggered him. His talk devolved into a point about “radical Islamic terror,” and how we cant take in people of different countries because they did not have a desire to matriculate and adopt “american” philosophies. I asked him what those philosophies where. He started talking about John Locke and inalienable human rights. In the middle of this lecture I asked him if it is okay to deny someone their inalienable human rights because of their race or national origin to which he responded…

“No.”

I kept silent for about 10 seconds. He started again and said, “Denying asylum isn’t racist.”

Responded that is true, but is it racist to deny asylum BECAUSE of race or national origin. He said no, because they could be a “Trojan Horse” and “America is more important than one person.” I pointed out the obvious contradiction. I Asked him if John Locke or the founding fathers made a distinction between American vs Syrian or American vs Mexican to which he responded…

“No.”

Changing subjects again I asked him if he supported the war in Iraq and Desert Storm. He said no so I asked him what were the results of those wars and he said instability in the middle east. I asked what the motivation for the wars was. He talked about Saudi Arabian and Persian (Iran) conflicts over oil. I asked him if that has anything to do with religion to which he responded…

“No.”

He then said, “I see your point it isn’t strictly ‘radical Islamic terror’ it’s a clandestine war of Russia vs the US waged for almost a century for the benefit of the despots supporting each superpower with promises of oil.”

I then talked about the “green new deal” and laid it all out on the table for him. While i was explaining it he talked about China and India having more emissions than the US. I asked him if the US should lead by example. He said sure but that wont fix their problem. I asked what the Paris Climate Accord PCA was. He explained it in informed detail the way the international checks and balances work and also stated that China wasn’t held to the same standards as the US. He pointed out that instead it followed similar standards towards China as the Trans Pacific Partnership (TPP) and how we deal with “developing” countries. He stated the TPP was the “worst trade deal in human history” and by extension the PCA should be held in the same regard. Asked if we should renegotiate those standards and apply strict sanctions like tariffs on countries like China and India. He said yes but he doubted that it could happen. I told him this was part of the “green new deal.”

He seemed surprised and wouldn’t respond.

I also stated that Bernie opposed NAFTA and TPP and still to this day vehemently speaks out against them both.

He seemed lost for words.

Thinking I lost him, I started asking a few yes or no questions.

I asked if it would be ethical to end the clandestine war and support renewable energy to secure the world for your children and grandchildren and make every attempt to keep the world healthy and habitable for all future generations.

He said yes.

I asked if it would be ethical to end the clandestine war on drugs and stop mass incarcerations by ending this “New Jim Crow” in America.

He said yes.

I asked if it is ethical to end “free trade” and stop the international equivalent of slave labor.

He said yes.

Finally, I asked if it is ethical to make sure every man woman and child in america has access to life saving medication.

He said yes, but wanted to start talking about why he believed MCA was bad. I stopped him and said we can talk about that later.

I asked, “Do you believe America is the greatest country on earth?”

He said, “Yes of course.”

I asked, “Should the greatest country on earth should lead by example?”

He said, “I guess that makes sense.”

I asked him, “Then why do you support a president that is literally building a wall. What kind of example does that set for the international community?”

No response.

I asked him, “Why do you support a president that left the PCA? What kind of example does THAT set?”

He started… “We talked about this it was because of the TPP.”

That’s fair,” I said, “but that does not explain why you support a president that literally denies people, by executive order, asylum and safe passage based solely on national origin as well as a president that supports the concept of stopping people on the streets to look for drugs JUST because they are black and could have drugs? Didn’t we agree that is racist?”

“Uh wait just a minute here I’m not racist,” He says.

“I know your not dad, but that’s only part of my point. More importantly why do YOU support a president that wants to keep a healthcare system that prevents many american citizens from accessing life saving medication? Why aren’t you supporting the candidate that supports child care and mental health programs for all? Have you actually read Bernie’s policies on his website or have you only watched the talking heads on Fox New make fun of him for his “radical” ideas. Ask yourself…

Is empathy a “radical” idea?”

Silence.

For a second I thought he hung up on me. Quickly i looked down at my phone and turned on the screen. The call time lit up, blinding me for a second. One hour and forty five minutes and 50 seconds 51 seconds… 52 seconds 53, 54. I took a deep breath and exhaled sharply from my nose. The sigh cut the silence like a bird landing on a podium. One hour, forty six and 10.

“Who were you talking to honey?” I can hear mom from the kitchen and the sound of dad setting the table.

“Oh I am talking to __,”

“Oh,” Mom said with sharp upward inflection that sounded oddly like small puppy yapping, “I thought you were talking with one of your friends.”

“Same difference and he’s still on the phone… One second.”

“Son I think I may have drank the ‘purple Koolaide.’ It sounds like the Republicans are using the politics of fear to ignore the politics of empathy. I think I’m going to have to give this some serious thought and read Bernie’s website. It’s almost dinner time we’ll talk later ok?”

2 hours later… This time we only had a 3-5 minute phone call.

“Hey Dad what’s up?”

“I just donated $100 to Bernie’s campaign, but if Biden wins, and he likely will, I will vote for Trump. I don’t mind supporting an honest man over the ‘puppet of the corrupt Hillary [sic]’ and I might even consider voting Bernie in the general if it comes down to it.”

To which I responded, “Now you’re feeling the Bern.”

He then asked, “Oh by the way did you hear that Jesse Jackson endorsed Bernie? He didn’t do that until late in the race in 2016 for Hillary. You guys really might have a chance to win.”

I just responded, “Not me dad… US. WE have a chance to win.”

If I could see his face I swear I think he shed a tear, because all he said after that was:

“I love you son and I want was best for you. Take care of yourself okay?”

“I will dad, but I want what is best for you too ok? Stay strong.”

“I will… Talk to you later.”

It should be noted that my dad was recently, about one year ago, diagnosed with polycythemia vera a rare form of blood cancer that has no known treatment aside from mitigating the symptoms and a risky gamble with chemo. Think of it as the opposite of leukemia where the marrow makes TOO MANY blood cells. Mitigating the symptoms involves blood letting, which creates iron deficiencies, causing anemia. We started the call with a discussion of his most recent visit where his doctor tested him positive for type 2 diabetes as well, and, because of the need to blood-let, he will be needing insulin as well. Doctor is cautiously optimistic on the prognosis with his co-morbid cancer as long as he takes his insulin and his iron supplements as well as takes it easy and really considers retirement and losing weight. So yeah naturally our conversation would take this turn.

It’s also important to note that most of my male relatives on my father’s side are on the autism spectrum. Both of us are high functioning, but my two younger brothers are not. The middle one just graduated college with a degree in Classics and Ancient Languages. He cannot find a job and cannot afford his loans. He has OCD and Tourette’s and cannot drive. He is not very good at holding a consistent conversation and will derail a discussion into a random topic spouting arbitrary facts that only slightly pertain to what was being talked about. Dad is trying to convince him to not be a college professor because “they don’t get paid enough.” He was denied by every seminary he applied to. It was his dream to be a priest.

He lives at home while dad pays his loans.

The youngest was expelled from school multiple times for behavioral concerns because he frequently argues with his teachers about needing to do homework when he already knows the material. At 17 years old 6’4″ and 240 lbs he threw a chair at his high school math teacher. My brother used a Fourier transform to solve and equation (correctly) and the teacher said that’s not what they are studying in AP Calc and it was wrong because he wasn’t following the material. It should be noted that the only thing he is good at is math, a trait he shares with our father, but for some reason both my father and the youngest don’t see eye to eye even though they have so much in common. It is also clear he take a great deal of pride out of my brother’s aptitude for math, but he seems to focus more on the bad things about the youngest and will frequently apologize to me about how he has “failed as a father,” to which I normally respond, “you can’t be a bad father because I still turned out okay even though you didn’t agree with my decisions or ideas.” The youngest, however, frequently bursts out into fits of rage punching holes in walls screaming about killing dad and himself because he, “didn’t ask to be born.”

Not the best things to hear out of someone you love unconditionally. This has not helped his mental state at all.

I, on the other hand, graduated with two BA’s in Comparative Studies of Science and Technology as well as Cultural Studies with a minor in Behavioral Psychology. I graduated high school with an AS in Math through PSEO. Mom says dad calls me “wonder boy” because he wonders what the hell I’m doing by taking 8 years of college classes, paying for it mostly on loans and not finishing a masters and still be able to function in society. I wonder that myself too. In fact my dream was to get into politics, go to law school and fight against this horrible society in some way. In 2015 I was going through some very rough times with depression and after 2016, fed up with the election, crippled by student debt, and the American Society as a whole, I tried to take my own life. I downed a handful of sleeping pills with about a fifth of whisky. I’ve never told anyone about this, even my doctors. If I didn’t pass out face down on the toilet I likely would have died drowning in my own fluids.

Since then, I’ve had to remind myself that suicide is a very selfish decision and my debt would simply be passed onto my father who is literally working himself to death for both me and my brothers while suffering from his own depression symptoms.

Bernie’s most recent campaign has rekindled the desire in me to keep fighting for what I believe in even if I don’t really know how how, one person, as small and insignificant as I, can make a difference. Even if I still wonder what in the hell I should do… At least I have Tio Bernie reminding me with a smile on his face and with fire in his eyes that he has “absolute confidence” that “America will not give into despair.” This is the first time I have ever felt like I’m not voting against someone. I’m voting FOR someone. Even though this nomination process is leaving me with intense anxiety, causing me to miss more days of work than should be acceptable. In the words of Jesse Jackson I must “keep hope alive.”

WE MUST KEEP HOPE ALIVE

This election isn’t about beating Trump.

This election isn’t about Bernie.

This election isn’t even about me and what I want.

Not ME… US!

We all have stories to tell. We all have been crippled, some in more ways than others, by this corrupt system. I hope this exposition written in the form of a speech has helped you has much as it has helped me. I know this will get buried in new forever. But if even just one of you reads this and is reminded that we are in this together then it will have fulfilled its purpose. And to Bernie Sanders himself I truly love you. You have saved my life. You are my hero. I wish I was as brave as you were during the civil right era. I wish I knew what to do. I just want to stop being the “wonder boy.” It’s about time I commit to the fight. How can I help? Hopefully this is a start. I can’t simply be a keyboard warrior. How can I help?

To everyone on Reddit Thank you very much for reading this have a beautiful day.

TL:DR This was a heartfelt exposition with backstory of a typical “Bernie Bro” who had a 2 hour long conversation with his dying and staunchly Republican father and convinced him to donate and possibly vote for Bernie in the general.