Trifleisyummy Mon 18-Dec-17 08:48:42

I've been lurking on here for a while, reading relationship threads that make me realise how dysfunctional mine is and that I need to pluck up the courage to leave.



Husband is not very nice, verbally abusive, a bit narcissistic and doesn't work other than odd-jobs for cash in hand when it's offered. He is a fabulous dad to our daughter (nearly one and a half) but very opinionated as to how we bring her up - as in we do it his way. He has a daughter from a previous relationship who he currently doesn't speak to.



Problem is I love him and am a bit scared of dealing with life on my own - he's very good at making me feel inadequate. He's got a bit of an alcohol problem too, his dad is an alcoholic and although I wouldn't say husband is, he's heading that way maybe?



Day before yesterday things came to a head - we live in southern Europe and one of our horses was I'll - in the morning he fed them and told me so I said in would call the vet. He then went out to help a friend paint their house, I stayed at home with baby to wait for the vet, in the meantime I wanted to give her some painkillers so asked him to get some from town, which he did and dropped them off. I told him I thought our horse was very ill and wasn't going to make it, he decided to go back to his friends to watch the football.



Vet finally arrived at 5pm, told me horse wasn't going to survive but he didn't have the meds to put her down then so I was to move her to somewhere flat and accessible (logistics - to get a truck or digger in). When husband came home at 7pm we tried to move the horse but only got her halfway to where we needed to be, and left her on our drive above the house (house is built into a hill so the driveway butts onto our flat roof, if that makes sense).



Went inside, he raged and told me I should have moved her earlier and am incapable of making decisions, bringing up other instances just to make his point. Then moved onto how I am a rubbish mum (ongoing argument - I also think I am rubbish sometimes, but that could be a whole other thread).



Massive clatter from the roof, I run outside to find the horse has stumbled, fallen, or something and is ON THE ROOF. Trying to get her up, he comes and helps but we end up arguing, I can't even remember what about, he's calling me a stupid useless bitch, or words to that effect. I ask him to focus on helping the horse. He storms off, comes back outside with a rucksack of things, tells me he's said goodbye to our daughter (she's slept through all this) and walks off.



A friend came to help, while we waited for the vet, although the horse ended up dying on the roof before he could get here. Husband has walked off before, always comes back in the morning. After sorting out the horse in the morning, I took daughter to a friends house for a few hours, took both sets of keys for the house but left his phone outside.



Oh goodness this is turning into an essay, sorry.



He came home, suspected broken ankle and been at the medical centre. I ask him to leave, he blanks me and takes painkillers before going to bed. I decided to pack a few things and leave with our daughter, stay the night at a friend's house rather than have an argument when he woke up. And I don't want to stay in the house with him.



I rang him this morning (to see if I needed to come and feed the horses) he said they're done and when was I bringing our daughter home. So now I don't know what to do. I know I shouldn't go back to him, and need to keep my resolve.



Please tell me this relationship is not normal?! Any advice for how to deal with him? Thank you.



xx