ABC

Listen. If you can behave the way Chad did this week and still get a rose, you are more powerful than Malia Obama. Chad gallumphs around like a giant HGH monster, terrorizing the wee townsfolk (Alex, mostly) and carrying Princess Jojo off into the night. I don't even really have that much to say about Chad because he says it all himself. He talks about how he's finally ready for marriage because he's saved up enough money (??? Is he buying a mail-order bride? Does he know that women can have jobs now?); he talks about how if you blended up (!) all the guys in the house into a protein shake (!!!) it would "have, like, no flavor;" he refuses to participate in the James Taylor Oliver! The Musical Boy's Chorus Sing Along™. I will say that he was unfairly criticized for eating several large plates of meat at the cocktail party. Dude looks like a walking kebab, it should surprise no one that he needs to constantly re-meat. Anyway! Chad calls Jojo naggy, criticizes everyone for participating in the date's activities and for treating a game show like a game, and barely blinks when he tells Jojo that his mother recently passed away. All this and he gets a rose and a makeout session. All hail Chad. Oh also!! Chad bought domain names of a bunch of the people on the show (www.derekpeth.com, www.robbyhayes.com, www.alexwoytkiw.com, www.joelle-fletcher.com, for some examples) AND RE-ROUTED THEM TO HIS INSTAGRAM. Absolutely incredible.