One minute it's going well, and he tells you he'll call tomorrow - the next, he's evaporated, not returning calls and leaving you on "read". Why did he ghost you? Where did he go? What the hell?!

We live in an era where we can communicate instantaneously and continually, over a seemingly uncountable number of platforms, with all kinds of media at our disposal: video, memes, and even old fashioned words, fired off over the pulsating magic of a 4G connection. But that's not to say we all take advantage of it. Most of us are only too contactable - our "online now" status only flickering when we go underground or accidentally venture into the countryside - and there's a whole sub-genre of social anxiety linked to overflowing inboxes or unanswered texts. So how then, in this day and age, can it ever be possible to simply… not respond? Ever? Ghosting is the act of gaming the system, somehow defying the logic of instant communication and "we will find you" technology and ignoring those who try to get in touch, especially after a date or a shag.

As avoidance techniques go, it's both breathtakingly audacious and cowardly - and spectacular in its simplicity. While we have no data to prove it, the act of disappearing into the ether certainly seems more common among men. So why does it happen? Something they said? Who knows? But before you worry you need to stock up on your breath mints or have extensive cosmetic surgery to get someone to reply to you, we look at some possible reasons those three little dots are never going to turn into an actual message.

The "rules" are so confusing that men would rather give up

The world is awash with terrible dating gurus pumping out mixed messages on how men and women should behave. The beaming, slimy jack-the-lad teaching us how to "chirpse", the po-faced, the transatlantic zen-bot ordering us to get in touch with our feelings, and the sassy veteran (still single) barking out rules about who should text back first and what we should say - it's a minefield, and everybody is both right and wrong. Men are taught from an early age that to look stupid, or make mistakes, or show vulnerability are signs of weakness and if you're a man, the only thing worse than appearing feeble is not being able to tie your own tie. So they opt out entirely, disappear. The one rule that all men remember, sadly, is "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" - whoever coined that should be sentenced to a lifetime of phone calls from PPI companies - so very often we do just that rather than confess we're just not that into someone.

Breakups are awkward

How many times have you faced a problem and thought, "I just want to disappear", or "I wish I could turn back time and this had never happened"? Loads, right? Breaking up with someone - or deciding not to see them again - is quite unpleasant. They ask you all kinds of awkward questions, like "Why?" and nobody wants to tell the actual truth. "You eat with your mouth open." "The oral sex was disappointing." "I think I can do better." As true as they may be, none of them are helpful, and instead we have to lie, giving a speech consisting of motivational fridge magnets and quotes from Robbie Williams' autobiography. "It's not you, it's me" and all its equally rancid, fabricated derivatives. Better, perhaps, to cut them off entirely than string them along with clichés. Full amputation rather than dragging round the bloody stump of hope. Maybe.

Texting you're not interested in someone is inexplicably ruder than saying it face to face

Like I said above, breakups are terrible and full of absolute lies. Its amazing anyone wants to sit through them at all - maybe ghosting should be the norm. Anyway, if we don't want to face someone, the only other alternative is to do it over the phone. For some reason, this is seen as an even more heinous crime, guaranteed to result in perhaps years of bitterness back and forth, interspersed with drunken booty calls, festive regret, and the occasional dick pic. It's a channel left open, transmitting out into the ether even when you're ignoring each other. Clean break, then.

He worries you're too good for him

This is what any quick-thinking man would tell you should you bump into him in the street and ask why he ghosted you. Don't fall for it.

He lied during the date

What is it about us that makes us feel we have to impress everybody at all times? Whether we're asking for a third shot in our latte to show that barista who's boss, or pretending we're an astronaut when talking to strangers in the taxi queue (just me then?), men like to big themselves up when possible. So it's highly likely that any man doing the ghosting has realised it's easier to cut off all contact than try to explain that no, they don't live in penthouse off Knightsbridge after all and, no, they don't know the Beckhams personally.

He's keeping his options open

Dating is a gameshow, a gamble. You never really know how it's going to go, and thanks to apps pitching a new love interest at you with just the swipe of a finger, it's never been easier to hedge your bets. By ghosting rather than eliminating all doubt and calling it a day, we tell ourselves it will be perfectly fine, months later after it doesn't work out with anyone else, to show up again. Don't encourage us, or this will never die out.

He’s too selfish to realise his actions hurt

Every reasonable person is fully aware that opting to ghost someone will, to some extent, hurt them. Thus, if a man decides to go ahead and ghost a date with that knowledge in the back of his mind, then it’s fairly safe to write him off as someone who wouldn’t make a very good partner in the first place. A quick survey in my WhatsApp group of female best friends revealed the obvious: ghosting leaves people feeling “angry”, “rejected” and “deceived”, even if they weren't that keen on the guy in the first place. It’s less the loss of a potential romantic partner that stings and more the sense of self-doubt it leaves in the ghostee’s mind. If you're currently toying with the idea of leaving a date on read, stop being selfish, suck it up and let them know you don’t think it will work out. Both parties will end up feeling much better for it.

He's just a piece of sh*t

Probably the main reason, tbh.

Read more:

How to get out of your dating rut

The best dating apps to use right now

#MeToo: The changing face of dating apps