3. Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets



I would be lying if I said that Buzz & Ramblin’ Wreck weren’t two of the coolest mascots in college football. Anytime you’re rockin’ a 1930 Ford Model A, you are, as Ric Flair would say,” stylin’ and profilin’. “ While I wish Georgia Tech would use the likeness of the Simpsons’ Bumblebee Man, Buzz is legit. Like Godly, Buzz kills it in mascot competitions. That’s great, but there’s no potential for disaster there. Using real yellow jackets, on the other hand…well, see for yourself.

2. University of Alabama at Birmingham Blazers



UAB currently uses a European Dragon named Blaze as their mascot. For those of you not familiar, the European Dragon is probably more recognizable when referred to by its scientific name: Mythological Bullshit. In my opinion, the current Blaze looks more like Puff the Magic Dragon dropped acid one too many times and suffered significant brain damage (photo). I’m sure he’s cool, but I have a hard time looking at a dragon that looks like he was designed by the Looney Tunes and envisioning toughness. In an effort to aid UAB with a more definitive look, we’ve given Blaze a makeover from a wussified mythological beast to a dragon that is more apt to make their opponents piss themselves in fear: a Komodo Dragon.

1. University of Alabama Crimson Tide



Big Al is the anthropomorphic elephant currently used by the Crimson Tide. Big Al is cool and all, but Alabama considers themselves the premiere team in all of college football. I’m not here to debate whether or not that’s true, but since this is the belief of Crimson Tide fans, we need something a little bit bigger than Big Al. It’s not that I have anything against Big Al, I truly don’t, but Alabama needs to think larger if they want to officially announce themselves as King.

This presents both a timely and unique opportunity. Nick Saban is, without a doubt, one of the finest coaches in the history of college football. His personality is the thing of legend and his coaching feats match said legend.

Now, Big Al can man his post as the energizing force behind the Crimson Tide, but methinks that Alabama needs to give a Saban the chance to command a real African Elephant.

Picture this: Tuscaloosa, Alabama on November 24th. Saban leads the Crimson Tide onto the field for the Iron Bowl with a big-ass elephant. It wouldn’t matter if he were riding it, leading it by a leash, or commanding it to follow him, it would be amazeballs. Okay, so this isn’t a mishap, but who gives a damn?