FORT COLLINS, CO— A local Uber Eats driver has admitted to running out of hand sanitizer days ago, thus fulfilling deliveries with no protection other than a can-do attitude. The twenty-two year old college student says that although he began with several bottles of Purell and a tie-dye bandana as a face mask, those precautions have gone out the (metaphorical) driver’s side window. “I went to the store the other day to get some more sanitizer, but they only had generic brand and it’s not like that stuff does anything anyway,” the driver told Sleeping Sardines on Sunday. “As for the face mask, I was tired of restaurant workers not being able to understand me when trying to tell them what order I was there to pick up,” he added. While no one can deny that it is for some reason impossible to hear someone without seeing their mouth, many frustrated citizens are calling for delivery drivers such as this one to get off the streets. “It’s not like I want to be driving for Uber Eats during a goddamn pandemic,” the driver said. “Maybe if my parents didn’t claim me as a dependent on their taxes, I could have gotten that stimulus check and fucked off like everyone else,” he continued. With tensions running higher than ever due to the month-long quarantine, there is no doubt that people will still order their food online, as they are way too lazy to drive four minutes to Chipotle.