Nerfwire recently got our hands on The Tinder Experience, an experimental new game from Lone Duke Studios, who describes the title as “everything you’d want out of using Tinder besides the sex and leaving your house.” The game released to the general public just last week, and Nerfwire has the scoop on The Tinder Experience—it’s absolutely fucking terrible, and exceptionally made.

“I’ve been waiting at this in-game cafe for the last two hours,” says Tim Barrow, who has clocked fourteen hours so far into the game. “She’ll probably show up, though. God, this game is realistic—it even sent me a vague text after a half hour of waiting that both made me doubt she was ever planning on coming at all, and also gave me hope that she’d be here soon.”

When asked what he thought of The Tinder Experience, Tim replied, “Overall? Great. I’d rather get this out of the way now and not have to physically drive to a Panera first.”

If there’s one thing that we found while interviewing players of the new title, it’s that different people play it for different reasons. Barry Howser, for example, is already in a committed relationship. “I was getting some pretty major FOMO seeing all of my friends on Tinder, but I couldn’t get on there unless my girlfriend suddenly got really cool with a lot of stuff,” said Howser, absentmindedly swiping right to pictures of women on his desktop computer while making full eye contact with our reporter. “But now I get to experience accidentally matching with my English teacher just like the rest of my friends, without the risk of her thinking I’m cheating, because there’s… well, there’s absolutely no possibility of me getting laid here and you know what I just lost interest.”

When asked to comment on The Tinder Experience, most local women did not. However, local masochist Kirsty Adams told us that she enjoys the game very much.