Disregard Emails, Acquire Currency

Wealth compounds, but wages don’t grow exponentially. You’ve got to start that compounding yourself, the sooner the better — which is why we taught everyone in school how important this was and how to balance their budget. Or at least why we taught them that getting into college was the most important thing in their life, anyway. Those are about the same, right?

Want to hear a joke?

Knock, knock.

— Who’s there?

The taxman. I’d like 30% please. 40% if you got a bonus this year. Good job.

— You realize I’m still paying you back those student loans, yeah?

We tax income, not assets and liabilities, and anyway you can pay your debts to me pre-tax unless you made one-standard-deviation-above-median income this year

— But if you let me compound wealth I’ll be able to pay the loans back faster!

We’re not interested in that

Here’s another:

Knock, knock.

— Who’s there?

A recession. Your wealth is reset to zero.

— But I have to pay for the kids college this year…

Don’t worry, I looked under your skirt and saw you earned a healthy income from wages last year, so I’m sure you can afford it. Besides, last year you said your house was worth a million dollars!

Or an old classic:

Knock, knock.

— Who’s there?

Medical conditions! Your income means you have to pay out of pocket

— But doesn’t my one-standard-deviation-above-median income mean I’ve paid more in premiums to cover it?

What premiums? Oh. We’ve reset those too. You should’ve said you had conditions!

Of course, all these costs can only scale so far. The middle class must be able to fund them — and since wealth in America is distributed exponentially, what’s all-consuming for the middle class is peanuts to the wealthy. So Wealthy begins with a race to $2,000,000, adjusted-annually-to-the-cost-of-education-housing-and-medical-expenses.

See you guys at the finish line.