The wisdom of the ancients.

From same the people who brought you the plow, papyrus sheets, and toothpaste.

Little can be said about the importance of time travel in Ancient Egypt. The pharaoh demanded tools for time transport and was kind of a big turd about keeping them to himself (Blombersmore 1878, 119-120 n. 3). Recent findings reveal a particular affinity for transport to America’s Western frontier, because the pharaoh really liked wearing boots (Grandpa 2001, 100 n. 5). It is known that forward time travel was achieved in a terrible car, a phone box which appears to be from the United Kingdom, and some sort of hot water pit (Applebee’s 3012, 603-440 n. 7). Some question whether a corn field and a television remote control were also used to help the pharaoh project forward in time and live out his cowboy fantasies (Doug 2013, 449-500 n. 8). If there is anything to be certain about, it’s that those dudes sure knew how to party.

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