This is my life, well to be exact my life from yesterday, not an excerpt from the book. Okay he is at home today. Whilst I love his presence, it does hinder me around the house! To begin with, I have just spent hour or so of what was actually going to be a busy morning for me, sitting with my boobs on show. Ah! Play you say, but you would be wrong I say. Read on dear friends I got the offspring out the door to school having gone through the usual last minute whinge about, you have not signed this for my school trip and it needs to be in today. So we have the, No I have not, because this is the first time you are showing it to me conversation with more whingeing etc. As much as I love her Jesus Mary and Joseph I sometimes I wish I could get a warranty replacement! The car pool is waiting outside for which we have a two minute rule. If your child is not in the car within two minutes of the horn sounding you are taking ‘IT’ yourself which works well most of the time. So I signed the form without really reading it or knowing what it’s going to cost or even what it’s for, just to get peace and her in the car. It could be skydiving in Outer Mongolia for all I know… I ponder that for a moment and dismiss the thought as wishful thinking. More importantly though I am hoping I can get to the coffee machine before he has the last of it and I have to make more, then sit for five and collect my thoughts. I do not know anyone who drinks as much coffee as he does in the morning. The brand he likes comes from the US and is called ‘Valhalla Java Odinforce Blend’ from Death Wish Coffee. It is supposed to be the highest caffeine content in the world. Google it girls I am not joking! Surprisingly it has a smooth taste to it, which despite the strength I rather like. He likes it with a small amount of salt in the filter saying it smooth’s the flavour. I think it just adds to the death wish and when I nag him (very carefully, there is flogging and there is flogging if you know what I mean) about the health issues of salt. He just gives me that there there dear look. Responding it’s within my 6 gram limit for the day. To give him his due he has little salt on anything else and never cooks with it. Being married to someone who knows a lot about health care when you do not is a real pain. The amazing thing is, he is, with all that caffeine, still functioning like a normal human being and not a screaming maniac. I hear him as he comes tramping through the back door in his heavy boots from the garage and does what I feared, he has the last of the coffee! I can smell the distinctive scent of burnt metal over his Dior aftershave. He has been welding and has an odd looking frame in his gloved hand still smoking slightly at one end. Without a kiss, cuddle or the more usual nipple squeeze, his normal way of greeting me. He asks me if our daughter has gone to school? Odd how she is always ours when she is being good and mine when there is a problem, I say “yes” and start to explain about the trip he nods sagely and says nothing in reply. I know it’s a mom problem and I can see he has other things on his mind. “Upstairs now I need you.” I smile hopefully, as he heads upstairs and think promising! Daughter is out, he is home and he needs me upstairs. If you have kids you know that they give new meaning to Coitus interruptus, particularly in a BDSM relationship. Sort of hard to explain to a 9 year old why daddy has mommy tied up and is whipping her arse, from out of which she has a large black plug protruding and connected to an enema bag. So you grab your chances when you can! So I follow him up the stairs. He has not gone to the bedroom, he is in the man cave. A place I rarely go because I cannot deal with the chaos and am not allowed to tidy. “Okay don’t panic Victoria,” I say to myself, not a total disaster! We do play in there sometimes but most of the toys are in the locked in draws under the bed. I go into the room and he says get them out and sit on the stool. This usually means business, that is I am about to get my breasts tortured, I would have preferred my bum flogged, but hey ho whatever a girl can get. He turns round and looks at me and I see what he has in his hands, a vernier calliper and a black marking pen he puts them down. The idea of a morning of pleasure is going downhill fast. I sit there contemplating what he is about to do when something catches my eye on the bench. It is four circular rings of rubber and metal, all of which he purchased recently from the local DIY store and to think he only went in for screws. They are on the bench and now clamped to the frame he came in with. He puts them on my exposed breasts. They’re a bit loose on the frame and he tells me to stop fidgeting or they will fall off. I sit still. He tightens them up and I feel the crushing sensation on my breasts, which has an immediate effect elsewhere. Once he is satisfied they are in the right place he measures up, marking weld and drill points. While doing this he is nattering on about blood flow in my breasts and their swelling over time making the rings feel tighter. I often wonder when he is like this if he realises my boobs are actually connected to my brain in some way. Of course I know he does, he is a nurse but all the same. I am half listening to him natter on like a jubilant toddler with a new toy, all the while wondering, is he going to notice my increasing need from this pseudo play. If he does and I in truth know he will, he has a nose for my arousal, will he satisfy me? He drags me back from day dream to reality with an “all done”, like he has just given me an injection and I can leave. Lost in his own world he picks up his bits and pieces and heads back to I assume to the garage. While I go to find some wet ones and a dry pair of knickers. I pondered my Hitachi vibrator for a moment, damn I should have asked for permission. He is generally good and says yes. Though I have to wonder is he winding me up for later play with the new ‘toy’. Watch this space I may have news.