We all encounter moments when we feel like asking players this question because one or more of them is trying to delegate or change the way we DM, or the way other characters play. For such issues there are a few references in the DM’s guide, entitled “Problem Players”, in 4E DM’s guide it’s on page 32, for 3.0 it’s “Keeping Game Balance” on page 10. But, for some extra tips and clarifications, I’m going to go through some ideas, personal experiences, and tips outside of the DM’s guide and inside so we can cover almost any aspect of “Problem Players.” Since every group has one, and every group knows who the problem player is; if you happen to think EVERYONE else is doing it wrong; chances are they think you are the problem player.

I don’t know all the rules, or I don’t agree with everything. What should I do?

Not knowing all the rules is okay, there are a lot of rules in DnD! The books specifically tell us that the main core rulebooks override any other rules if there is any question. A specific rule overrides a vague rule, unless the DM chooses a different route. The DM is ‘ultima Omega’ when you sit down at look to him to tell you the story, it’s his rules. When an author writes a book, you as a reader don’t go to the author and tell him that his race is wrong, and could not logically exist. The DM makes the ultimate decision, but as a DM you must also know when to admit you are wrong and to work with your players. The DM’s guides give us helpful tips on how to change rules, or that if there is an issue, to solve it temporarily and go in later after the sessions or at a good stopping point to discuss it. It also states that you can have one person looking up something while the game continues on; the most important thing here is to keep your players interested, keep them in the game. If people ‘get smart’ and tell you that you can’t change the rules since this is Dungeons and Dragons and you didn’t create it, tell them they are now playing “My Basement and Dragons” and to chill out and enjoy the story.

When we assume the role of “story teller”, the normal rules won’t always agree with your situation. I’ve found myself mixing rules because you enter a new world, a new place, and new mechanics. If you are in an upside down world where fish breathe out of water and humans have solar gills that collect sunlight in the day and store it at night in a sort of hibernation stasis where they don’t have to actually breathe, the rules might be slightly different in this world than in the PC’s normal book-crunching math-grinding logic-based generic fantasy world. The book constantly stresses imagination, “winging it”, creating stories, etc. This is not a damn video game! There is no set system of mechanics unless the DM states so, but the DM must also have a sense of order and neutrality. As DM you are a world, you are what works in the world, you must have a thousand faces with a thousand different histories and a million different rules. Plan to take time before the game to specify certain rules, in and out of game. These rules will determine how serious the game will be.

In my group, cell phones and texting is completely prohibited unless for emergency purposes, we like to get into the game. Laptops have been mostly banned due to the fact people will not focus on the game and will be playing with other things while the rest of us are trying to escape our monotonous lives. Explain to PC’s your rules, if they don’t like it they can sit out and wait for the next DM later on. We also have a sit-in rule. Since we run DnD a little different than the average Joe, new players just ‘sit in’ for their first session. If they like what they see they can join in the next game. Players need to have not only respect for their DM, but trust. They need to trust that the DM won’t frequently rule unjustly. If you are uncertain, roll a die to have an extremely neutral outcome and don’t let anyone sway you otherwise. Sometimes, when we are unsure if we want a player to do something we say “Call high or low”, and roll a D6 — thus if we roll high, and he said high, then it works within his favor. And sometimes, I must admit, we roll behind the screen and -lie-. Yes, I said it -lie-. Sometimes the players need to feel justification or like everything is randomized or neutral, and sometimes it can’t work that way. That’s the kind of attitude players need to accept, so rolling behind your screen while you are thinking or deciding, sometimes helps ease the players’ minds because they don’t think you are being unjust — since you rolled the dice, you must deciding based off of the numbers! Sometimes, that isn’t always the case. It’s useful to develop a subtle dice roll trick that you train in private so that you can control the result. It needs to be convincing since nobody will respect you as a DM if it looks like you’re rolling the dice to ‘rig’ the result, but it’s not hard to do and in a stressful situation you can do it quickly without anybody noticing.

Taking a player aside between sessions can also be very helpful, ask him what their problem is, and why they can’t cooperate or get along, ask them politely if there would be something that would allow them to quietly ‘pipe down’ while others are playing. See if you can make him or her happy so you don’t risk losing the player and avoid a bad climate in your group. Sometimes you encounter a player who hates roleplaying and is only there for level grinding, others only like roleplaying, and some like a good mix of both. Try to satisfy every need, and if someone is unhappy about a situation they are in tell them they don’t have to participate; they follow the group throughout the whole experience and don’t have to do a thing but quiet down, though perhaps in such a situation they are not rewarded any experience since they did not participate. Remind players that everything has a consequence. If a player refuses to participate with who you want to participate, let them get injured or die or whatever other unfortunate possibility you had planned. Do not be soft on them, they made their decision. Going too soft will open the doors to more abuse and the other players won’t respect you for ‘going soft’ on somebody who needs a kick in the rear. Too many people take the game play personally; it is supposed to be fun, but it is STILL A GAME. As the DM, it is YOUR game. Establish this criteria before the game begins.

Having conversations with the players on what they think is fair or not can also be healthy, though sometimes you completely disagree — this tends to happen. In such cases be respectful to everyone’s opinions and take into note if you are being fair or not. Sometimes it simply won’t be fair and you’ll just have to respectfully swallow it. It is a game.

I like to stick with the rules! I don’t like people deviating!

Fantastic, the rules are made for a reason and are there for mediating and ensuring a fair game. So, when you DM you let everyone know that if it’s in the book, it’s the way it is! But remember, when you are not DM it’s not your game and not your decision, you don’t make it more fun for anyone by complaining, you are just stalling the game and making it harder.

Sometimes, players who are complaining or throwing insults or constantly trying to control a situation don’t have control in their own lives so they seek it out in their gaming group. In these cases it’s good to give them some amount of special control or unique responsibility in the game to keep them from bursting out. Sometimes these players are just rude — and sometimes, they don’t realize what they are doing. Talk to them about it in private, always being considerate with your choice of words. If they still choose not to listen, subtle reminders during play or before the game about how this is your world, your rules. “My Basement and Dragons”. Remember?

There are some fun things we’ve included in our group at times, something similar to the “Swear jar”, but instead it was the “Throwing dice jar”. If ever a player threw dice, he’d have to put a quarter or some amount of change into the jar. (Of course, we usually ended up buying pizza with the change later on, but shhh..) Throwing dice is UNACCEPTABLE behavior and is just downright childish. If you are so angry you want to throw things, maybe you should be considerate enough to ask for a moment alone outside. If you notice someone acting this way, you could invite them to step outside for a few to ‘cool off’ or invite the entire group to ‘take five’ so you won’t have to single that person out.

I’ve tried everything! I’m to the point of giving up!

Ahh yes, sometimes we all must admit when a situation is helpless. And sometimes, it is hopeless. In this case, you NEED to stand up for your group and decide what is best for your game, sometimes we have personal ties to the person but as a DM you must stay neutral for your group. I’ve had this situation before where a member caused nothing but drama, we continued to confront him and tried various methods to make gaming better. It never ceased to be an issue, however, until finally we set a firm rule, one he disagreed so strongly against that he refused to show up and even cut the ties of friendship. This was hard, as I was helping another DM and this DM had been friends with him for nine years, and he allowed a game to interfere since he did not like the rules the DM set in place. He showed his ‘true colors’ and immaturity, and although it was no easy task to set and enforce a firm line, it had to be done for the sake of peace. This was no easy task and I’m not telling you to “break friendships” over the game, but sometimes it’s not the game that they have issues with. It’s often the people and the cooperation and the out-of-game experiences that they are fuming over. There comes a point where every DM must make a hard decision, and the other players are counting on you to make the right one. Staying neutral and logical is the best thing any DM can do when it comes to a troublesome player 99% of the time. Do not get emotionally involved in their temper tantrums or their head games — that’s all it is.

So, I hope this helps a little bit and remember there are even more tips and tricks in the DM’s guides specified before. Just remember you are the DM, you make the rules, you decide the end result; and remember to be fair, just, and work with your players, not against them. Clearly establish any additional rules before beginning the game, and if the entire group disagrees, perhaps you should reconsider what you are putting into play.

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