This is a hard lesson to teach, because it usually goes in one ear and out the other. So, I’ll just start with how I took control of my life.

After 5 years of becoming the man someone else wanted me to be, I broke it off with my fiancé. I decided it was time to start making myself happy first, other people second. All my life, I put other’s happiness first. That put them in charge of my future.

I realized I didn’t know myself anymore. So, I decided to do the things I wanted to do without asking for permission.

I invested in my Jeep, I bought a gun, then I backpacked through Italy alone. I stayed at hostels and met new people. When you’re alone, no one has any preexisting expectations of you, so I was forced to redefine myself. Suddenly I was writing my own path and it didn’t matter what other people thought.

Then, I placed all of my time and energy into becoming better at my job. I made myself known — I wasn’t the same ole Nick anymore. Now, I’m happy with the man I am, and I’m following my fire.

Here’s what you need to know:

Put your happiness first.

Take the fear of failing and other people’s opinions out of the equation. What are you left with? Go do that thing.

@trailin_chihuahua

Bust out of your shell.

Break from your comfort zone to get your mind restarted. If you’re struggling to find your fire, it’s time to look in new places.

Mix things up a bit. I did it by traveling. For you, it could be hanging out with a new crowd, going to a skate park with no experience, or playing sax on the subway. Do something you’ve never done before that doesn’t have a predicable outcome. Life is not about getting it right the first time, it’s about taking chances. Live for the experience.

Acknowledge your strengths.

Just because someone is better than you at something, doesn’t mean it isn’t your strength. If you’re willing to do it often and you have good results from it, it counts.

And don’t be shy about what they are. I used to run an online gaming community for a while, and I was damn good at it.

@trailin_chihuahua

Take it day by day.

You probably wish you could see 20 years into the future. Fortunately for you, you don’t need to. You just need to look into yourself to find your future. Place your happiness first, and everything else will follow.

Your happiness is a torch. A torch doesn’t light the entire path ahead of you. But it does light the way to the next step. Every step should be in the direction of your passions, using your strengths.

Follow Your Fire.

Take the fear of failing and other people’s opinions out of the equation, and take chances. Put your happiness first, then place all of your strengths into the things you’re passionate about.