Arrow Flynn: I’m adorable, and I’m running for president

By Anatolian Shepherd and Tricks B. Learnin 05/08/15, 9:37 PM CET

PORTLAND — Barking up and down the streets of Portland was a small voice attempting to be heard by a crowd that did not speak his language. With the help of his campaign team, one America-loving dog can now speak his message: Arrow Flynn 2016.

His human companions, also acting as translators while running his campaign, informed reporters of them putting together the pieces to understand their puppy’s wish. “Initially, we thought it was just a silly phase. We entertained him by creating politically-themed nametags and posters we thought were cute for his Facebook page, but it wasn’t until he insisted on getting buttons and business cards that we realized this dog means business.”

We were able to understand snippets of the long conversation between dog and team. Arrow mentioned his opinion of him being, “The Greatest Doggone President That God Ever Created.” He also made claims that he would “see to it that every human’s yard has a nice big trench so no unwanted cats can bother any peoples anymore… because they do that, you know! They come looking for food and water – next thing you know, you have dead birds on your doorstep.” He later intends to release his plans on how to also get the cats to dig the trench, “because they dig lots anyway and gots nothing better to do.”

And, of course, he reminds anyone who will stop to hear him: “I’m cute…like, really cute…that’s the kind of thing you need in this country. It sounds egotistical, it’s not egotistical.” He continued his plea by stating that he “totally took a poll of the entire neighborhood, and I promise they all agree how cute I am.”

“I promise with a thousand percent guarantee that I have what this country needs,” he said in apparent reference to his adorableness. “Right now, America is filled with the opposite of what I have…ugliness…ugly losers…they just aren’t cute at all! Like…not even a little bit…and, no tails! I have a tail…tail…tail!” In a moment of showing just how cute he is, Arrow began to chase his tail momentarily. Fortunately, the presidential hopeful was able to regain his composure to complete the interview.

When asked how he felt about other presidential hopefuls, he replied, “I don’t know much about them yet, but I very much look forward to meeting them so I can sniff them out!” We asked how he felt about Trump’s remark that his own campaign is making the other candidates ‘sweat like dogs’, he replied, “That’s silly! Dogs don’t sweat, we pant. What a dummy.”

Arrow Fur America

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Twitter: @arrowfuramerica