That awkward encounter served as the catalyst for my booming dating life, which has consisted of one serious relationship that lasted four months. In an effort to ~stay with the times~, I download and delete dating apps monthly. Moments of optimism will strike where I'll get to swiping, and then a few days pass with no significant matches. *deletes app*

As more and more of my friends get married, the inquiries from my mom get more frequent: "When are you going to start dating?" I've tried explaining to her the confusing state of modern romance, and so has my sister. Last summer, my sister finished post-grad and was slow to start applying for jobs. My mother, displeased with my sister's pace, set up an online dating profile for her as a malicious motivator. Her rules were simple: Every day my sister didn't apply to a job, she would message a guy of her choosing. Three weeks later, my sister accepted a job offer in DC.

This recently sparked a thought. "What if I let you use my dating apps to try to set up some dates for me?" I asked, offering her a chance to redeem herself from the Pen Fiasco of 1999.

"Deal," she said. "But I am NOT using it to help you hook up..."