In what can only be described as divine aberration, Massachusetts is set to successfully defy the wrath of God for ten consecutive years.

Saturday, May 17 will mark the 10-year anniversary of same-sex marriage in the state.

Not only have all of God’s attempts to inflict moral retribution upon the state been viciously blocked by Boston Bruins Goalie Tuukka Rask, but the state as a whole has managed to resist the temptation to slide down the slippery slope of incest and bestiality.

Mass. Governor Duval Patrick said the avoidance of legalizing bestiality and incest in the wake of same-sex marriage was easier than it appeared from the outside.

“There was a moment during the congressional black mass, following the legalization of same-sex marriage, where the issue of legalizing a great number of unholy unions was discussed,” said Patrick. “But it was pretty obvious to everyone that if our dark plans of national soul corruption were to succeed that we needed to play it cool.

This is exactly what we’ve been doing for the last ten years. It’s no coincidence Massachussetts has the lowest divorce rate in the nation, and is consistently among the top in education and social mobility. It takes a lot of looking good to convince America to be oh so bad, ya know what I’m saying? HAHAHA! This is off the record, right?”