Don't miss Coleen's weekly email newsletter Sign up Thank you for subscribing We have more newsletters Show me See our privacy notice Invalid Email

Dear Coleen

I have been with my boyfriend for five years. I admitted to cheating on him years ago and he forgave me.

However, I recently did it again with a man who I never had closure with, but now have no feelings for at all.

Sleeping with him made me 100% certain I want to marry my boyfriend and be with him forever.

I feel guilty, but also know that I would have always wondered about the other guy, and definitely would not have wanted to cheat during an engagement or marriage.

I should add at this point that my boyfriend and I have been having some problems over the past month, not that it’s an excuse. I know, without any doubt, I will never cheat for the rest of my life.

We started dating when I was only 20 and I missed out on a lot of things. It led to me having a wild phase, but I am over that now. I know if I tell him he will leave me, and I honestly don’t think I could handle that.

It sounds silly but doing the wrong thing gave me all of the answers I needed. Any advice you have would be helpful.

Coleen says

Ask yourself this – can you be sure you can live with that secret for ever and you’re 100% certain that no one now, or in 10 years’ time, is going to tell him? Can you also be sure you won’t blurt it out in a row, and that you’re being honest with yourself that you won’t cheat again? If so, then don’t tell him.

But I think you need to answer some other questions truthfully too. How would you feel if you married him and found out later he’d slept with an ex ‘to get closure’? Would you think that was fair? Or would you feel betrayed, and question your entire relationship?

This is the second time you’ve cheated on this man you love, so are you in that mindset of, ‘I’ve done it before and got away with it, so I can do it again’?

If you want to get married, you need to understand no marriage, however strong, is plain sailing. You will have to weather storms. What if you get bored or have problems again? Are you going to jump into bed with an ex or someone else? You must ask yourself all these things because I’m not convinced you love and respect him enough to make that kind of commitment.

Read more of Coleen's advice here