Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious — Brian Gaar (@briangaar) November 14, 2012

I avoid relationships because it’s too exhausting to crop all those photos when things don’t work out. — Erica (@SCbchbum) April 21, 2014

Dating is collecting information about someone until you realize you don’t like them — AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) September 17, 2013

I’m the Ryan Lewis in most of my relationships. — Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) January 25, 2014

i mean, aren’t we *all* in complicated relationships? — Ellie McElvain (@elliemce) April 2, 2014

Most of my relationships could be described as “enemies with benefits” — Susie Meister (@susie_meister) April 22, 2014

Life is a series of failed relationships until you meet that person you want to have a failed relationship with for the rest of your life. — Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) March 4, 2014

Relationships: When you like somebody enough to want to eventually hate them. — Liana Maeby (@lianamaeby) April 28, 2014

Bad relationships are like the jeans you hold on to hoping they’ll fit someday. — Erica (@SCbchbum) March 12, 2014

Saw a couple holding hands while jogging and it made me hopeful that one day I will meet someone who will hate them with me. — Robin McCauley (@RobinMcCauley) March 5, 2014

The worst thing about relationships is that either you’re the one with the drinking problem or they are. — Maggie Mull (@IAmMaggieMull) April 17, 2014

The smell of McDonald’s in your car will last longer than some of your relationships. — Anjeanette Carter (@anjeanettec) March 24, 2014

So what do we do if we’re as bad as Joaquin Phoenix’s character in “Her” is with relationships, but not as good with computers? — Patrick Cassels (@patrick_cassels) January 4, 2014

Relationships are an expensive way to watch someone slowly like you less and less. — shelby fero (@shelbyfero) May 20, 2014

Relationships are like marathons, which are also stupid — Brian Gaar (@briangaar) November 15, 2012

Read our bestselling ebook Drinking My Way Through 14 Dating Websites.