WASHINGTON—Following Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s heated objections to the nuclear deal struck between the United States and Iran, American officials announced Tuesday that they were calming the upset head of government by treating him to a nice, big shipment of ballistic missiles. “Bibi always gets a little cranky when he sees us talking to Iran, but a few dozen short-range surface-to-surface missiles usually cheer him right up,” said State Department spokesperson Daniel Goldman, adding that the shipment of MGM-140 ATACMS missiles should be enough to settle the sullen Israeli leader down at least for the deal’s crucial early implementation stages. “Of course, we try not to spoil him by giving him a whole new tactical ballistics delivery system every single time he throws a fit, but our guy’s pretty good at getting his way. At least we’ll have a couple months of peace and quiet around here.” Goldman went on to say that the U.S. was saving its shipment of missile defense system components in case Netanyahu got worked up during Israel-Palestine peace negotiations later this year.

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