Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny Subject: A little C programming… Keywords: computer, smirk Date: 4 Aug 91 23:30:05 GMT

For many years molecular biologists have been mystified by the fact that very little of an organism's DNA seems to serve any useful function.

I have solved the mystery.

The reason why only 30% of human DNA performs any useful function is that the rest of it is comments.

Once we decode a typical human genome, we see that the contents begin as follows:

/* HUMAN_DNA.H * * Human Genome * Version 2.1 * * (C) God */

/* Revision history: * * 0000-00-01 00:00 1.0 Adam. * 0000-00-02 10:00 1.1 Eve. * 0000-00-03 02:11 1.2 Added penis code to male version. A bit messy -- * will require a rewrite later on to make it neater. * 0017-03-12 03:14 1.3 Added extra sex drive to male.h; took code from * elephant-dna.c * 0145-10-03 16:33 1.4 Removed tail. * 1115-00-31 17:20 1.5 Shortened forearms, expanded brain case. * 2091-08-20 13:56 1.6 Opposable thumbs added to hand() routine. * 2501-04-09 14:04 1.7 Minor cosmetic improvements -- skin colour made * darker to match my own image. * 2909-07-12 02:21 1.8 Dentition inadequate; added extra 'wisdom' teeth. * Must remember to make mouth bigger to compensate. * 4501-12-31 14:18 1.9 Increase average height. * 5533-02-12 17:09 2.0 Added gay option, triggered by high population * density, to try and slow the overpopulation problem. * 6004-11-04 16:11 2.1 Made forefinger narrower to fit hole in centre of * CD. */

/* Standard definitions */ #define SEX male #define HEIGHT 1.84 #define MASS 68 #define RACE caucasian

/* Include inherited traits from parent DNA files. * * Files must be pre-processed with MENDEL program to provide proper * inheritance features. */ #include "mother.h" #include "father.h" #ifndef FATHER #warn("Father unknown -- guessing

") #include "bastard.h" #endif

/* Set up sex-specific functions and variables */ #include <sex.h> /* Kludged code -- I'll re-design this lot and re-write it as a proper * library sometime soon. */ struct genitals { #ifdef MALE Penis *jt; #endif /* G_spot *g; Removed for debugging purposes */ #ifdef FEMALE Vagina *p; #endif }

/* Initialization bootstrap routine -- called before DNA duplication. * Allocates buffers and sets up protein file pointers */ DNA *zygote_initialize(Sperm *, Ovum *);

/* MAIN INITIALIZATION CODE * * Returns structures containing pre-processed phenotypes for the organism * to display at birth. * * Will be improved later to make output less ugly. */ Characteristic *lookup_phenotype(Identifier *i);

…and so on.

[ Note that God uses three-space tabs ]