The unexpected victory of Doug Jones over Roy Moore in the Alabama Senate race on Tuesday night took cable news by surprise. On MSNBC, Rachel Maddow had been preparing her audience for a loss, saying it would take “a miracle” for a Democrat to win a statewide election in Alabama at this point in history and telling us that voter turnout in a special election generally attracts more white and older voters. No such niceties were being discussed on Hannity during that same 9 p.m. hour. What was Sean Hannity discussing? The dubiousness of the writing in the yearbook of a Moore sexual-predation accuser. Yes, Hannity was trying to re-ignite the Fox-promoted lie of “she forged it,” in this case without actually using the word forge. What about CNN, you ask? Sorry, I just can’t watch CNN whenever Wolf Blitzer, the Drone With a Beard, is honking solemnly hour after hour.

By 10 p.m., when it looked as though Jones might win, you knew it was getting close when the voice of eternally boyish election-numbers analyst Steve Kornacki began cracking with excitement. Over on Fox, Laura Ingraham was starting to do Fox News damage control, literally laughing at the memory of the interview Moore gave to Hannity earlier in the campaign and saying it proved Moore was a “weak” candidate. Then Ingraham moved on to other Fox obsessions such as (the chyron says it all) “The Plot to Take Down President Trump.” The race was called for Doug Jones between 10:30 and 11 p.m. by all three news networks.

Come Wednesday morning, Fox and Friends was left with the woeful duty of trying to make the world seem warm and comfy for its most important viewer, President Trump. The Roy Moore defeat was the lead story, of course, but the hosts quickly moved on to other topics. Such as (all chyrons guaranteed) “Potential Threat of Armed-Drone Attacks.” And, of course, the unfairness of the Robert Mueller investigation into the president.

Starting with Hannity the preceding night, Fox has been quoting text messages it has obtained from FBI agent Peter Strzok to lawyer Lisa Page, whom he was dating during the presidential campaign. Turns out, Strzok is a sentient human who has political opinions. Among them, in these texts, is the belief that — I’m quoting here; hide the children’s eyes — “Trump is a f***in’ idiot.” Unlike Hannity, Fox and Friends was able to do something extra special for its viewers and the viewer-in-chief: dramatic readings of the texts! “You play Page and I’ll play Strzok!” co-host Steve Doocy said to Ainsley Earhardt, as excited as a boy just cast in a school play. Together, they made sweet music with Earhardt/Page text-talking, “God, Trump is loathsome human,” and Doocy text-crooning, “OMG, he’s an idiot.” I’m sure this distracting drama was sufficient to see the president through his three-Diet Coke breakfast this morning.

Fox and Friends airs weekdays at 6 a.m. on Fox News.

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