ELKHART, IN—Saying even the tiniest moment of leisure counted, local man Brian Rabe told reporters Sunday that he was attempting to wring every last drop of relaxation from the single day that remained of his time off from work. “My four-day weekend’s almost done, so I just need to really dig in and focus on taking it as easy as humanly possible,” said Rabe, adding that if he stayed up later than usual, he could probably cram in half a season of Daredevil on Netflix. “I already made the mistake of opening a work email, and I can’t get sidetracked like that again. I’m going to read a book—better yet, read it outside so I don’t have to do a separate activity to get some sun—then move straight to video games.” At press time, Rabe had spent at least a third of his day hopelessly distracted by his dread of returning to the office.

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