QUARANTINE, USA — Being the responsible sportswriter that I am I have taken it upon myself to predict the conference champions for each Fake FCS Conference in Season 4. Season 3 for those who started in Season 2 but its Season 4 in-universe so deal with it. I want to make it very clear from the beginning that I have very little knowledge if any of most of the FCS conferences as this is my first season as a national reporter. I have greatly enjoyed my days as beat reporter for the Atlantic Sun Conference and plan to cover those teams as often as possible. But as the dawn of Season 4 approaches I turn my gaze to the national landscape and make predictions I have no business making under any circumstance whatsoever. So strap in, buckle up, and prepare to be triggered.

America East Conference

Champion: Rhode Island

Runner-up: Albany

The conference that hosts the current national champion will be searching for an identity this season as coaching moves and retirements leave them without a clear leader. Rhode Island stands out as the early favorite but they will face stiff competition from Maine in the New England Division.

Fun Fact: Maine’s play-by-play write-ups are the best thing this league has ever seen.

Atlantic Sun Conference

Champion: Alabama A&M

Runner-up: Bethune-Cookman

The Atlantic Sun adds two new head coaches this season as they bring in North Alabama, a new team to the conference, and ETSU hires Nut, the Defensive Coordinator from Samford. That being said, it is hard to put money on any team to win this conference as there are 5 viable options and 6 potential challengers at the opening of the season. I do predict we’ll see some familiar faces in the championship game.

Fun Fact: The conference renamed their divisions to “Dawn” and “Dusk” during the off-season.

Big Sky Conference

Champion: Montana State

Runner-up: Southern Utah

The most notorious conference in the league has even more question marks heading into Season 4 as several big-name coaches left and others shuffled around. That’s why I think the consistency will finally pay off for the Bobcats this time around. Idaho State, Dixie State, Montana, and Cal Poly are just a few of the teams with new leadership this season.

Fun Fact: There has never been a Big Sky Championship game without a team from Montana.

Carolina Football Conference

Champion: North Carolina Central

Runner-up: Wofford

It’s hard to pick against the defending champion in this group as they continue to push toward the top echelon of FFCS. Look for several teams from Carolina to make noise this season as they retained many of their coaches during the off-season and strengthened the foundation they built in Season 3.

Fun Fact: All but one of the FFCS Carolina teams play in this conference.

Colonial Athletic Conference

Champion: Youngstown State

Runner-up: VMI

I’m sure someone will pull this article up in 6 months when all of the teams I’ve chosen are 0-5 to start the season but for now I pick the Penguins to be the champions. The Colonial remains a mystery but I know their commissioner has been recruiting hard during the carousel and hopes to be a force in Season 4.

Fun Fact: Duquesne is not pronounced how its spelled.

Delta Intercollegiate Conference

Champion: Austin Peay

Runner-up: Mississippi Valley State

Stiff competition in this conference means that while familiar faces may begin to dominate, you never know when a new contender might pop up out of nowhere. Expect multiple teams to be in the thick of it as the season approaches its climax. We really don’t know who might pull out a trick play when they need it most.

Fun Fact: The innuendo is that this conference bears similarity to a penis.

Ivy League

Champion: Penn

Runner-up: Brown

The brains of the bunch are responsible for many of the FFCS’s innovations and implementations. Penn will be a force to be reckoned with as always and Princeton is no slouch either. I do think Brown will be a surprise this season but Joks wins her second conference championship and first Ivy chip.

Fun Fact: There are single divisions in other conferences as big as the Ivy’s entire lineup.

Mid-Atlantic Athletic Conference

Champion: Marist

Runner-up: Hampton

The MAAC went through some trying times last season as their most successful coach famously refused to play in the conference championship game. I think this experience will benefit Hampton’s underclassmen and push them back to the CCG but Marist remains the favorite in this group.

Fun Fact: Only two teams from the MAAC made the playoffs last season.

Missouri Valley Conference

Champion: Northern Iowa

Runner-up: Butler

Its hard to pick against one of the all-time best coaches in the FCS. Northern Iowa is teetering on the verge of a dynasty and this year should merely add to the lore surrounding the Panther Program. Look for the Metro Division to be a crapshoot however, with any of the teams having a shot at making the CCG.

Fun Fact: Hannen Farm has terrible WiFi.

Southland Athletic Conference

Champion: McNeese State

Runner-up: Houston Baptist

The Southland welcomes the newest member of the FCS this year, Tarleton State, and also sent Southeastern Louisiana to the DiC as part of the off-season realignment. This is one of the lesser known conferences (I had to look up which team the conference commissioner coached) but I think that will bring a lot of excitement to conference play this season.

Fun Fact: This conference also has a genital reference they could’ve capitalized on in their marketing campaigns.

There you have it! Feel free to bookmark this article and use it to yell at me in six months when I’ve been proven completely wrong!

Remember that in the end, we’re all just a number between 1 and 1500.