You both get dirty, and the pig likes it: yes, children, it is time once again to wrestle with Rob Ford.

He used to be nothing more than a button-popping bully, prone to choleric outbursts: calling his pal Georgie Thumbs a Gino boy; calling another councillor a waste of human skin; opining that “Orientals” work like dogs and sleep at their machines, and that’s why they’re taking over; giving the finger to a taxpayer while talking on his cell phone and driving in his van; sucking up to Don Cherry; ducking the Pride Parade but running off to watch his niece play football in her underwear; calling the cops when a comedian showed up in his driveway; oh, and making a fool of himself by stepping on an industrial weigh scale.

I didn’t vote for him as mayor; that’s no secret.

That was politics. This time, it’s personal. This time, the big fella wants to start tramping around my ward like an elephant, drunk on the palm wine of power.

He thinks my councillor, and perhaps as many as 24 others, should be ousted.

For those of you who might have missed it, here’s what the mayor was burbling about on the radio the other day, in the company of his monkey brother. Oh, wait, did I just say monkey?

I’m sorry.

I am.

Rob: “Doug and I and the other 19 councillors who want to change the city are doing everything we can, but you know what? We need to run a slate next time. We have to get rid of these other 24 councillors.”

Hang on a sec.

The last time I looked, I and my neighbours were the ones who determine who should represent us on council, and what is true in Parkdale holds true elsewhere in the city, even in the ward where the mayor lives.

He thinks my councillor is “dictating” how the city spends its money on transportation? I have news for him — that’s democracy, and it’s a good thing.

See, it isn’t just that the mayor doesn’t understand the transportation issue — he does not understand that he is not the only one who represents the will of the taxpayers: council as a whole is the full and finest expression of the will of the taxpayers. And the majority of council disagrees with Rob Ford.

We all want subways? We all do not need them. An aside: there is no subway between Oshawa and Hamilton. Also, nobody in Toronto wants to pay for subways to the suburbs.

Certainly not Rob Ford; he threw away an overflowing pot of vehicle registration money which might have come in handy.

Yes, the Prime Minister recently said he liked subways, but he was smiling when he said that because he will never give Rob Ford a nickel to pay for them.

Too busy building jails.

Sorry, but the smart money on council wants to spend its money wisely, on light rail transit, to serve the less-densely populated areas of the city.

Funny, huh?

That’s what the big boy used to say about spending; it had to be done wisely. Now, however, he doesn’t give a damn about the wise use of taxpayers’ money; now he only cares about winning. Here’s how he framed it on the radio: “You’re on our side or against us.”

News flash: I’m against him.

Hell, the majority is against him. And that little plan of his to oust some people from council just might blow up in his face.

Wee, wee, wee, all the way home.

Loading... Loading... Loading... Loading... Loading... Loading...

In the meantime, I wish he’d learn the difference between light rail and streetcars. I can forgive stupidity. I won’t forgive willful ignorance.

And now I need a shower.

Joe Fiorito appears Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Email: jfiorito@thestar.ca