The yearly NBA All-Star Weekend festivities, culminating in the All-Star Game, was held this year in Charlotte, North Carolina. The game, featuring the top talents the NBA has to offer, is notorious for being offensive-highlight heavy while lacking in defensive effort. This year, however, the players finally made their defense just lackadaisical enough – the game was successfully conquered by invading Vikings, who landed on the shores of North Carolina about a fortnight ago.

The Vikings, led by Rollo, first Duke of Normandy, reportedly made short work of both All-Star teams, led by Lakers star LeBron James and Bucks star Giannis Antetokounmpo. Several All-Star participants suffered serious injuries during the attack, including Blake Griffin, who was the victim of a severe ankle-breaker, and James Harden, who survived a vicious facial dunk only because of his large disgusting beard. Even Kevin Durant, who many declared the MVP of the All-Star resistance, was brutally nutmegged by Rollo’s nephew Ralf the Repugnant.

After successfully pillaging and razing the Spectrum Center, sending thousands of fans fleeing for their lives into the streets of the Queen City, Rollo and his fellow viking men and women could be seen feasting on several large geese brought to them by Oklahoma City Thunder star Paul George as a peace offering. When asked whether any of the NBA stars had put up enough of a defensive fight to warrant a place on his elite seafaring team, Rollo stayed characteristically reticent.

“Speaking of personnel matters at this time would violate the anti-tampering rules set about by the league office,” the fear-mongering Norse conqueror slurred through sips of mead. “I would prefer we keep all discussion today to matters related to All-Star Weekend.”

At press time, LeBron James was quoted saying he is more than willing to take his talents to the Western Shore.

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