I went through a recent life lesson, involving a girl I met and this time I decided to do things differently.

Normally with first dates I almost always do drinks. Drinks is a good way to make her comfortable and also to drop both of your guards so there is a chance of connection. You can observe the world around you and share your observations with each other.

There’s nothing wrong with it but I’m fucking tired of the “drinks dates”, its the same old shit just a different girl even if it’s successful its fucking boring.

So with this girl I switched it up, instead of doing drink dates I stepped out of my comfort zone and invited her to my place. We’re gonna make dinner together and then watch the various animals that come up to my porch for the food I put out for them.

Strange?

Sure.

Different?

Yes.

But, we have to look into the underlying reason behind this “strange” date idea and why it works. I chose it because that’s what I WANT to do, not her. That’s what I wanted to do and if she wasn’t down then that’s fine. It’s better to lose a girl than take a girl on a date to somewhere you don’t even want to be. She’s going to sense this disconnect and the date will feel “robotic”, there will be no passion and likely no kiss or anything else because she’s not going to be feeling it either.

You see, as a man, I’m starting to put girls as a second priority in my life. They are compliments to my great life, not the girls being the great life. Which is why I can take or leave girls because I realize they aren’t the be all end all.

That’s not to say I don’t pursue girls or want to be with them…no. That’s not true. But they are coming into my life on my terms, we’re meeting on my terms and they can either choose to follow along or not.

Which is a freeing feeling because now your mindset has switched from:

“How can I impress her and show her I’m valuable”

To

“I’m living my own life, I realize my value and she has to prove hers.”

And in this mindset, is where abundance mentality is born because now everything is on your terms. She’s adding to your life and you’re not changing yours to be with her. BUT if she doesn’t WANT to be in your life then you have no problem with that because you’re going to find a girl that WILL want to.

When you start living life on your terms is when you start to succeed from boyhood to manhood.

You will feel like a man when you live on your own terms. Even if things don’t work out, you will still feel like a man because you listened to the inner voice inside of you. Instead of ignoring that voice and listening to the outside voices that go against your nature.

The thing is, when you know what you want and girls can sense that it’s congruent to who you are it turns them on even more. You’re now a man with purpose.

So what else do I do differently with this girl?

CALLED.

Fuck texting.

I’m old-fashioned. I HATE texting, with a bloody passion. I would much prefer a short 10 minute phone call, but wait aren’t girls scared of calling or talking on the phone?

They are.

My answer to that?

So what.

That’s what I want and if she doesn’t like that, then I want to find a girl that does.

You are a commander of your own ship and if she doesn’t want to be on your ship, then toss her.

The important thing here was that I wanted to call because that’s who I AM. Not to impress her or anything else, I did it because that’s what I wanted.

So how did I frame it?

Pretty simple.

Here’s what I said.

“I’m pretty old school, you cool if I give you a quick call tomorrow afternoon say 2-3ish.”

This works because

A) It’s chill, nonchalant, it is her decision but you’re sort of not giving her an option at the same time.

B) She can expect it, so she’s not going to be on the shitter or eating when you call.

C) Anticipation. She’s expecting YOUR call. Power is in your court.

She bantered a bit about me being old school and then I told her “expect the call tomorrow afternoon, I’ll text you 10-15 minutes before.”

Again, now she can ANTICIPATE the call. It’s not going to be random and when I text her, she’s going to know it’s coming.

Now here’s the key part.

Stick to your word.

If you tell her to expect the call in 10-15 minutes and you don’t call her until an hour later, she’s going to be apprehensive.

Stick to your word.

Also, make sure the call IS quick.

Don’t turn a “quick” call into an hour conversation.

Cut that shit off.

Banter, ask her about her day, joke and then set-up the date (in my case the dinner date) and then end it. Even if the conversation is good, end it. My call was 10 minutes long and I ended it with “I’ve got stuff to do, Thursday see you for dinner.”

Perfect.

Now she can talk to her friends about the charming motherfucker who actually called her and left her wanting more.

As a man, people should bend to your will not you to theirs.

The bottom line is, do what YOU want to do with girls. They’re coming into YOUR life, not the other way around.

Best,

J