Think about the people you know who are very successful with women, and I’ll bet they all have at least one trait in common: they are indifferent and otherwise unaffected by the women they meet. In addition, they are not emotionally invested in situations or outcomes of most varieties. These are all traits of apathy, which is a key component of success in many areas of your life.

To understand the importance of apathy, consider the power dynamic of any given situation: whether a relationship or a business deal, the person who is willing to walk away has the power. This is a constant. A salesperson has the power when a customer wants to buy something, but the salesperson has a limited supply. The customer has the power when the salesperson wants money, but the customer doesn’t need the product.

When a man wants to have sex with a woman, or otherwise gain her attention or approval, then the woman is the selector, and she has all of the power in that relationship. She may continue to have power throughout the entire course of their relationship, which is rather unhealthy for the man who must continually try to keep her appeased lest he is dumped.

What Apathy is Not

Apathy is not being an emotionless shell, nor is it nihilism. We may call apathetic people “cool”, “carefree”, or “laid back”. Not caring about something is actually the choice of not putting emotional investment into something because you’re aware of the physical and psychic toll that wanting, desire, and neediness can create.

Apathy: the Secret Ingredient of Charm

I’ve seen a lot of curricula from charm schools, PUA academies, seduction courses, and so forth, and I’m disappointed that I rarely notice such men’s interest groups teaching apathy as a primary source of charm and charisma.

Who’s a really charming guy? Many say “George Clooney” because that’s his stereotype, and it’s true—hell, he’s even charming in “Gravity” where he just floats around space a lot. But what makes him charming? He has a strong gravity (no pun intended) that pulls people toward him. He demands nothing from anybody.

If George Clooney suddenly “wanted” or “needed”: affection, approval, attention, or money, he would no longer have the Clooney-vibe that makes everybody love him. In “Gravity” his character demonstrated this confidence by remaining unaffected to a level that borders absurdity as his team is caught in a field of killer space debris.

By not wanting things, people will feel you are more level-headed than most, and people will feel automatically more comfortable to be around you. By contrast, people who demand things from others, whether material or psychic, are not trustworthy—they always have some trick up their sleeves to siphon energy like a vampire.

As this tendency is eliminated, charm automatically enhances, and people will even think of you as more authentic.

How to be More Apathetic

You have to start by releasing attachment to the outcome of things. Create mental insurance on every aspect of your life: no job? Have an independent income backup plan. No women? Be happy by yourself and stop trying to get sex to be happy. Broke? Try sleeping in your car for a couple of nights to prove you can do it if things get extreme.

The more you know you’ve covered your bases, the easier it is to start caring less and less about the things that normally scare people. So, in a sense, rugged individualism as we call it in America is a key to becoming more indifferent about your circumstances.

Furthermore, the thing most people emotionally depend on is relations to, and attention from, other people. The only way to bypass this is through being happy in your own shoes. Self-acceptance is not an overnight achievement, but as you press toward this goal, it becomes easier and easier to talk to people, take risks, and handle conflict.

It’s one of those things where you’ll only know you have it once you get there. Measure your success in years, not days. Are you more comfortable with yourself now than when you were in high school?

You know you are getting closer to this when insults are less intimidating, other people are no longer taken seriously, and you dwell less on the things people say to you. Furthermore, when attention from a woman—no matter how gorgeous she is—no longer means anything beyond the 5 or 6 seconds you’re enjoying it.

In Summary

Apathy is thus a major sexual virtue. The opposite of apathy is empathy, which is good—we should all care about each other—but empathy can also turn into reactiveness or neediness if it’s left unchecked, and no woman in history has ever said “he’s so reactive and not cool about things, gosh, I want to sleep with him so badly!”.

Finally, apathy is the key to having the power in any type of interaction. If you give your power away easily, you’ll always be at the mercy of other people. If you want to be a Developed Man, you cannot remain weak like this.