I hit my five year anniversary of living in Turkey this week and so, in my moment of reflection, I brainstormed all the memories and things I learned since arriving. I normally write about my lessons from Turkey, but really – they mount up – I can’t keep up! These lessons are obviously skewed to my gender and neighborhood, so feel free to add yours in the comments section below.

Having an excellent Turkish vocabulary does not mean your Turkish is fluent. Attempting to speak a new sentence with your çok az (very little) Turkish will fail 99.9% of the time. Six months will be spent waiting to apply and receive your ikamet (resident card). Several hours will be spent learning to pronounce: Yabancılar Şube Müdürlüğü (the place where you get your resident card). Getting your ikamet can be a convoluted process, but still somewhat easier and far cheaper than most other countries. Most mornings will involve checking your Facebook and Twitter accounts by switching on your VPN. You know what a VPN is. You didn’t before moving to Turkey. Your friends and family back home are also learning what a VPN is and are considering getting one too. Fleecy pazar (street market) pants for 10TL are the best pants you’ll ever wear while you work (from home). Allowing the greengrocer to pick your fruit and vegetables means getting the goods with the mold. Once the greengrocer knows you’re “local” this will stop. You can’t find self-raising flour in the shops (but you can find the recipe online to make it yourself) . You can find coriander in the local street markets for 2TL. The location of sweet potatoes is still a mystery. Everything else you seek is generally found at Eminönü – between the Spice Bazaar and Grand Bazaar. An environmentally friendly canvas bag at a check-out in a supermarket will earn you awkward looks. Bruce Lee reflexes and speed are required to pack a shopping bag at the supermarket before the next customer starts packing theirs. It is possible to pick the nationality of someone just by looking at them. When there are no prices on items the seller will judge your income by the way you look and price accordingly. There is such a thing as yabancı (foreign) tax – it’s when you’re charged more for being obviously foreign. Yabancı tax is high on apartments on Craigslist. New foreigners to town will still pay it unaware of the prices on sahibinden.com Hairdressers in expat-dense neighborhoods may also be guilty of yabancı tax. Hairdressers will almost always be male. It’s possible for two men to work on your hair, with one woman doing your pedicure and another woman doing your manicure – all at the same time. Pushing and shoving people to get off a tram/train when people are trying to get on is perfectly acceptable behaviour. It’s possible that Istanbul bus drivers are in fact retired F1 drivers in disguise. It’s possible to drive a dolmuş (shared taxi) whilst on the phone, collecting money and smoking cigarette (simultaneously). Dolmuş literally means “stuffed”. Figuratively speaking a dolumuş is also “stuffed”. A taxi from Taksim to Sultanahmet is about 15TL max…never 20TL. Transport across two continents is as little as 1.65TL (60 US cents). Wearing headphones whilst walking near the tram line on Istiklal Street is not a good idea. Zebra crossings are for cars to speed up – not to slow down and stop. The Metrobus is possibly the densest “person per square meter” space you’ll ever experience in your life. Unless you find yourself at Kurukahveci Mehmet Efendi coffee shop in Eminönü on Saturday afternoon. The Sirkeci Marmaray line is possibly the deepest Metro station you’ll ever visit. The Metro lines should not be taken when tear gas is flying around upstairs. Tear gas certainly does tickle. The answer to, “But don’t you feel unsafe living in Turkey?” is still, “No.” The probability of being attacked by a drunk or a person on drugs in the West (or shot at in the USA) seems far greater than being attacked in Istanbul…in my opinion. Reporting a crime at a Turkish police station can earn you a police report. … and a friend request on Facebook the next day from the officer who took your report. You can sign up to online dating websites with no photo and no description and still get 100 likes overnight. Most of them will be married. Men will stare if you’re a blonde, brunette, or redhead – covered skin or uncovered. Ignore it – that’s generational stuff you’re never going to solve in your time here. Being a blonde in Aksaray is a beacon for Russian speaking sellers and businessmen wanting to “take you out for tea”. Nine out of 10 relationships that started in Sultanahmet will not work out. “Tsk” doesn’t mean you offended a friend, it can simply mean, “No.”…I think. “Allah Allah,” can be used to express anything from, “You annoy me,” to, “You’re hilarious, yani.” Yani does not mean, “my friend.” Nor is it a person’s name. At dinner time, it’s polite to always serve bread to Turkish friends. …even with Asian noodles. Saying, “I live in Fatih,” is met with a long and puzzling pause, followed by, “Why would you live there?” Saying, “I live in Cihangir,” is met with, “My god, that must be expensive. Why would you live there?” Someone is reading this list and asking, “But what about the Asian side?” Moving into a new empty apartment with lots of men delivering furniture and switching on services can be mistaken by conservative neighbors as, “The yabancı next door is a prostitute.” Internations expat only events are actually a great way to meet other foreigners in Istanbul. Those Internations twinkles from “Indian pilots” are still annoying. To understand the diversity of people in Turkey, you do need to ask questions about those taboo topics. Ask more than one person to get a balanced view…and ask in private situations. Explaining the fascinating facets of your life in Turkey to friends back home is almost impossible to do. But, doing so will have them booking a ticket to come experience the country themselves. There are far more people in Turkey willing to help you, rather than take advantage of you. Travelling to other parts of the world will make you miss Turkish hospitality… And the food…(ciğ köfte and kaymak – but obviously not served together!) And the hamams (Turkish bath)… And the hairdressers… And everything I listed here. It’s possible the friends and experiences you have in Turkey will become the fondest memories of your life. Istanbul is unlike any other city. She pushes you away and pulls you back in. She nurtures you and challenges you. She may in fact, with time, be your greatest love in life. Even Napoleon Bonaparte believed Istanbul should be the capital of the world. And maybe it should be!