WASHINGTON—Attributing the incident to an unfortunate and highly out-of-the-ordinary technological malfunction, officials at the Pentagon apologized this week after a drone strike intended for an ISIS stronghold in the Middle East nation of Yemen accidentally hit a wedding in West Palm Beach, FL, killing 17. “Credible information from operatives on the ground indicated a high-value target on the southern outskirts of Sana’a, however our Hellfire missiles veered some 7,700 miles off target and, regrettably, struck the Epstein-Miller wedding at the Breakers Resort and Spa,” said U.S. Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. Mark Welsh, who added that while the military always attempts to minimize collateral damage inflicted by drones, occasional domestic tragedies such as this one do occur from time to time, before noting that the Pentagon was offering “generous” condolence payments to grieving loved ones for each guest and member of the Tom Vilone Celebration Band killed. “To the families of Blake and Natalie, you have our deepest sympathies for the loss of Aunt Jessica, Grandpa Pete, and the other relatives and friends who died in this terrible accident. And we want to assure everyone that the U.S. is committed to fully rebuilding the affected pool and ballroom facilities in a prompt fashion.” Critics of U.S. military policy said the latest incident of civilian deaths due to a UAV strike would only serve to further radicalize residents of the restive Miami-Dade–Broward–Palm Beach region against the United States government.

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