Sometimes it's hard to tell whether I'm being serious or not. That's good.

I'm going to be extremely blunt because I'm not on the team anymore and thus I can say what I want

[5/8/16, 4:36:28 AM] Xaixas: Cool. Before it get’s officially published I’d like to glance over it because there were some major boo boos that I’d like to fix. So Zuko please send me a copy

[5/8/16, 4:36:48 AM] killme: it had not yet gone through communications

And it looks like it never did. Because what got pushed was the exact same document that was laden with awkward phrasing, thesaurus vocabulary, and comma splices. And even though I may not be part of the team anymore, I’ll be fucking damned before I leave the little player base with some hard-to-understand rulebook.

Don’t simply shun these rules because Alien’s Drama-laced fingers typed them. You need to pass them on to communications and they need to consider them long and hard if they want to do their job right.

You haven’t seen the last of me.

<3

Xaixas (dramamongerer)

“The rules also apply on Mumble.” “These rules also apply on Mumble.”

• Makes more sense to use “these” instead of “the”

“Any attempt at getting around rules with loopholes or what not…” “Any attempts at “gaming the system” or getting around rules using loopholes…”

• Gaming the system is the proper term for this.

• “or what not” really shouldn’t be used in any formal circumstances

1.1

The Clarification Heading was not formatted correctly upon release

“You should play the game as intended and you should not make use of hacks or glitches to play the game in an unintended way” “You should play the game as intended and not make use of hacks or glitches.”

• Repeating “should” is redundant and wordy

• Repeating “unintended” is redundant

“Do not use obvious cheats such as fly and speed hacks.” “Do not use obvious cheats such as fly and speed hacks or any other hacked clients such as Hizuni”

• It would be good if you mentioned other well known hacked clients (that is if you even know any of them)

“If you find out about a glitch or bug, report it to staff immediately and do not continue abusing this glitch or bug.” “If you find out about a glitch or bug, report it to staff immediately and do not continue exploiting it.”

• Again, putting “glitch or bug” is redundant and awkward phrasing because you literally said it in the same sentence.

1.2

“The landscape should remain attractive to everyone visiting our server, thus builds need to make sense in some way. Creating builds which promote unfair gameplay is not allowed either.” “The landscape should remain attractive to everyone visiting our server; thus builds need to make sense in some way. Creating builds which promote unfair gameplay is not allowed either.”

• Run-on sentence

“Do not build sky bases or ocean bases (builds that float in the sky or on the water). If you want to build a base in the sky or on the ocean, make sure that it is either structurally fixed to the ground or makes sense in the context of the build.”

• These should be under the same bullet as the correspond to the same topic

“You are allowed to create transport animals or vehicles (for example sky bison, planes or boats), as long as you do not abuse this build.” “You are allowed to create transport animals or vehicles (e.g. sky bison, planes or boats) as long as this ability is not abused for BLANK.”

• Using e.g. is the proper way of doing this

• The comma at the end is incorrect

• “do not abuse this build” is awkward and too general: abuse for what? War? Spawning? Creating a fleet? Clarify this or suffer from arguments over this rule

“You are allowed to modify landscape (for example creating ponds or mountains) as long as you keep the landscape nice and tidy.” “You are allowed to modify landscape (e.g. creating ponds or mountains) as long as you keep the landscape nice and tidy.”

• Again, use e.g. for this

1.3

“It's an overall negative attitude and is a huge annoyance for the victims.” “It is an overall negative experience and a huge inconvenience for the victims.”

• Again, awkward phrasing. I don’t even know what you mean by saying the act of griefing is a negative attitude.

“All builds, chest contents and other contents in Towny protected chunks is protected, whether it is against stealing or griefing. This means that you are not allowed to take anything from a town or plot without permission of the owner of that town or plot.” “All builds, chest contents, and other items and blocks in Towny protected chunks are protected. This means that you are not allowed to modify a town or plot without permission of the owner of that town or plot.”

• The second comma is more formal and should be used to keep consistent with my writings that you’ve decided to keep online on the website.

• Repeating content isn’t good. You should mention items and blocks as well.

• This should be “are” not “is” because you are talking about three things plural are

• “whether it is against stealing or griefing” I don’t even know what this means but it is superfluous.

• Not of forms of griefing include taking items. It includes placing dirt blocks randomly, spawning chickens all over, placing lava. Changing this to “modify” is way more inclusive and actually represents what griefing is all about.

1.4

“You should wait out your ban duration or file in a ban appeal if you feel like your ban was unjustified.” “You should wait out your ban duration or submit a ban appeal if you feel like your ban was unjustified.”

• This is the way 99.99% of all MC servers call it. At the very least, just change it to “file a ban appeal”

“In some cases you may be banned from one service only (e.g. only from the Mumble or only from the server).”

• E.g. ……..

2.1

“Underaged players are frequently on the server and they should not immediately exposed to NSFW content. NSFW in this context means "not safe for work", translation: nudity, pornography or profanity.” “NSFW stands for "not safe for work", meaning nudity, pornography or profanity. Underage players play on the server and should not be exposed to NSFW content.”

• In all logical forms, the definition of NSFW should come before the explanation.

• The proper term is “underage,” not “underaged.” It even autocorrects it in Microsoft Word.

• “are frequently on” is too wordy and awkward

• Remove the “they” because the sentence is shorter

• “immediately” is superfluous and irrelevant

• You left out the verb “be”

• Is there any other context where NSFW means something else? Basic rule of the internet here…

• “meaning,” not “translation:”. We’re still typing in complete sentences right?

“Innocent forms of "fuck" or "shit" are still allowed, as long as the chat stays civil.” “Innocent forms of "fuck" or "shit" are still allowed as long as the chat stays civil.”

• Comma is horribly used here DO NOT USE COMMA LIKE THIS

2.2

“Advertising is not nice, it really looks ugly on the server towards the general public and is considered spammy.” “On any server, advertising is very inconsiderate to the staff members and the players and can be considered spammy.”

• These sentences are just a bunch of floating and generalized words. I have fixed the best I could.

“Links to non-Minecraft server related websites is fine, as long as the website itself is not malicious or the content on the page is not directly related with the aforementioned promotion.” “Links to non-Minecraft server related websites is fine as long as the website itself is not malicious or the content on the page is not directly related with the aforementioned promotion.”

• COMMA SPLICE

“It is then up to the moderator or admin's discretion to allow this or not to allow this.” “It is then up to the moderator or admin’s discretion to allow this.”

• “not to allow this” again is very wordy and unnecessary

2.3

“The ingame chat and Mumble need to remain clean as there is no need for unnecessary clutter.” “The in-game chat and Mumble need to remain clean. Unnecessary clutter is not allowed.”

• “Ingame” is not a word

• “there is no need for unnecessary clutter” is an extremely informal way of saying this

“Spamming is defined as (a repetition of) unwanted messages.” “Spamming is defined as a repetition of unwanted messages.”

• Decide whether you want definitions of terms in the explanation section or the clarification section. Right now you have a mix.

• The “as a repetition” is the utter BASIS of what spamming is all about. Remove that and you just have a definition of trigger words.

“Messaging only in caps-lock can be considered as spamming as well.” “Messaging only in capital letters can be considered as spamming as well.”

• One cannot message in a keycap on my keyboard

2.4

“Scamming is an unfair act in trading. When a trading deal is made, the rules of trading must be respected and both parties must receive their end of the deal.” “Scamming is defined as an unfair act in trading. When a trading deal is made, the rules of trading must be respected and both parties must receive their ends of the deal.”

• You’ve been using “is defined as” for the rest of the document. Why stop now?

• “ends” has to be plural because you are talking about “both parties”

“You can ask a moderator or admin to assist you with the trade if you are unsure about a trade.” “You can ask a moderator or admin to assist you with the trade if you are unsure about it.”

• Again, redundant

“Tea leaf locations are publicly available by asking in global chat for free” “Tea leaf locations are publicly available by asking in global chat for free or on Reddit”

• Added more information

2.5

“Players need to feel at comfort on the server or on mumble at all times, no matter what their characteristics, religion or origin are.” “Players need to feel comfortable on the server and on Mumble at all times, no matter their traits, religion, or origin.”

• “Feel at comfort” is what you say when you’re talking to someone in hospice, not on a server

• Capitalize Mumble as it is an application name

• The ending is awkward; the corrected version makes more sense

“Harassment is considered any general offense that directly targets a specific player or a group of players due to reasons such as: religion, skin color and their origin (country) etc.” “Harassment is defined as any general offense that directly targets a specific player or a group of players due to reasons such as religion, skin color, and their origin (country), etc.”

• To keep consistent with your other explanations, use “defined as” instead of “considered as”

“This rule also includes other largely influenced annoyances as: repeating something the player said in the past just to annoy that player, making fun of a player because of his opinion, etc.” “This rule also includes other annoyances such as repeating something the player said in the past just to annoy that player, making fun of a player because of his opinion, etc.”

• “Largely influenced annoyances” doesn’t make any sense (just floating words)

• Extraneous colon removed

2.6

“Players should be able to feel at home when playing on the server or when communicating on Mumble. Rude behaviour does thus not belong here.” “Players should feel at home on the server and on Mumble. Rude behavior does thus not belong here.”

• “should be able to” is too wordy and unnecessary

• “when communicating on” is also very unnecessary. No one says that. Ever.

• Correct spelling of “behavior”

2.7

“The official server language is English and as nearly everybody comprehends English, it leads to a clear communication with others. If players start talking in different languages, it leads to people feeling left confused and annoyed.” “The official server language is English as nearly everybody speaks it. If players start talking in different languages, it leads to confusion and annoyance.”

• Removed “and” because it just leads to a wordier sentence

• “speaks it” makes the sentence less redundant

• “, it leads to a clear communication with others” is not necessary at all since you already said nearly everyone understands English, so shouldn’t it be implied that communication would be clear?

• Again, last sentence is rephrased to be much more concise and less mouthy

“You must talk English in global chat or continue with talking in your native language in…” “You must talk English in global chat or continue speaking the other language in…”

• “talking in” speaking

• The language may not necessarily be “native” REMOVED

From this point forward, the bullets were dashes upon release. Fixed now.

For the next two sections, are the clarification sections really necessary? They’re pretty redundant and give no further information that we could have got already from the explanation section.

2.8

“Players may share personal information with you with a sense of trust. If you leak this information out, this sense of trust is broken and you will be punished for doing so.” “Players may trust some of their personal information. If you leak this information, you have betrayed their trust and will be punished for doing so.”

• Again, more concise wording is really required in general throughout this whole document

• Removed “out” (unnecessary)

• “this sense of trust” is awkward. Fixed phrasing

“The victim can request us to withdraw a punishment towards you if you break this rule.” “The victim can request to void a punishment towards you if he/she so wishes.”

• Better and more clear phrasing

2.9

“You are not allowed to act like you are part of staff and misguide other players in the process of doing so.” “You are not allowed to appear as if you are a staff member and misguide other players in the process of doing so.”

• Better phrasing (again)

3.1

“You are not allowed to use displacement moves to move other players out of safe zones (their town, any city etc.).” “You are not allowed to use bending moves, blocks, or entities to move other players out of safe zones (their town, cities etc.).”

• “Displacement moves”? Really?

“Safe zones are there for a reason, to keep players safe.” “Safe zones are there to keep players safe.”

• No need to be so dramatic. Phrasing fixed. Also another comma misusage

“We request the victims to record footage of this happening or to alert a moderator or admin during the offense, due to the tracing difficulty of such offenses.” “We ask that victims record footage of the offense or alert a moderator or admin due to the difficulty of tracing such offenses.”

• Awkward phrasing fixed

3.2

“Shell towns are considered to be towns that are used to solely serve for a town or nation advantage and they merely exist to teleport to, to store items, or for any other type of exploitation.” “Shell towns are defined as towns that are used to solely serve as a town or nation advantage, solely existing to teleport, to store items, or for any other type of exploitation.”

• Changed “considered to be” to “defined as” to be consistent with the rest of the document.

• “as,” not “for”

• Better phrasing

• “Solely” is clearer than “merely” as this conveys your message better

3.3

“All alts (alternative accounts) need to be in the same town as one player can only be in one town and alts are viewed as an extension of the account of a player.” “All alts (alternative accounts) need to be in the same town as a player can be in only one town and alts are viewed as an extension of the player’s main account.”

• PHRASING PHRASING HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAYS

“If you have had access to an alt in the past, but do not have access to an account anymore, please report it to a moderator or admin as this alt will then not be linked to you anymore, until you access it again.” “If you have had access to an alt in the past but do not have access to an account anymore, please report it to a moderator or admin as this alt will then not be linked to you anymore unless you access it again.”

• Comma misusages too damn high

• You just said that the alt won’t be linked anymore and you just said the player doesn’t have access to it. How on earth would it be “until he accesses it again?”

3.4

“This rule is set in place to prevent players to abuse the system to bend multiple elements at the same time or to change their element as to how the war would need it.” “This rule is set in place to prevent players from abusing the system in order to bend multiple elements at the same time or to change to an element to gain an advantage in war.”

• I’m not even going into detail anymore. This shit really needs to be rephrased

Make the clarification section only one bullet point because you are only talking about a single topic:

“You are bound to chosing a single account and thus a single element to fight the entire war with. Therefore, switching accounts or logging on to multiple accounts at the same time during war is not allowed.” “You are bound to a single account and thus a single element to fight the entire war with. Thus, logging on to multiple accounts at the same time during war is not allowed.”

• “chosing” hahahahahahahahaha. It’s not even necessary REMOVED

• Removed “switching accounts” because the rule already says that….

• Changed “therefore” to “thus” because it makes more sense.

3.5

“This includes adjusting these blocks in any possible way, for example by bending.” “This includes adjusting these blocks in any possible way for example by bending.”

• Another comma misusage

4.1

“If you want to start recording in a channel, request permission from the people in the channel to record.” “If you want to start recording in a channel, ask permission from the people in the channel.”

• “Ask” is better in this situation

• Removed “to record” because redundant

“If you have permission from everybody to record in the channel, use Mumble's own recording feature to record, so new people joining the channel are also aware of being recorded and can request you to stop recording.” “If you have permission from everybody to record in the channel, use Mumble's recording feature so new people joining the channel are also aware and can ask you to stop.”

• COMMA MISUSAGE (but not necessary so removed)

• How many times can you say record in a single sentence sheesh. Toned it down a bit

• Removed “own” because unnecessary

“If anybody requests you to stop recording, either move to a different channel with people you want to work with or stop recording.” “If you are asked to stop recording, either move to a different channel with the people you want to record or stop recording.”

• “Request” sounds like a robot. Sentence changed to fit

• Phrasing (agaainn)

4.2

Include examples of these songs (e.g. Nigger’s Bop, Saleel Al Sawarim, Killme’s Playlist of Avatar Cringe)

“When you are requested to stop playing a song, you must stop playing that song and you should just listen to the song locally (on your own PC/Mac/laptop etc.) if you really want to.” “When you are asked to stop playing a song, you must skip it with the /skip command.”

• STOP WITH THE REQUESTED; IT’S ASKED

• Tell them how to stop the song?????????

• Pretty dumb rule. If I don’t like Killme’s Avatar music I can ask to skip it though? It’s pretty cringe af

4.3

Again, choose whether you want the definition in the explanation or the clarification sections. It’s all over the place. In the explanation would be much better

“You are not allowed to lurk in public channels as this puts others at discomfort.” “You are not allowed to lurk in public channels as this causes suspicion and may make others uncomfortable.”

• Again, “discomfort” sounds like you’re talking to someone in a hospital

“You must respond when a moderator or admin asks you something.” “You must respond when a moderator or admin asks you to.”

• SMH using the word “something” in a rulebook

“If you plan on going AFK, move yourself to the AFK channel or deafen yourself as that already provides enough indication for you being AFK.” “If you plan on going AFK, move yourself to the AFK channel or deafen yourself on Mumble.”

• Redundancy AGAIN (fixed)

• I mean, you can stab scissors in your ear or you can press the button on Mumble. Take your pick.