“Speak English.” The store employee interrupted with bigotry so subtle, I was overtaken by surprise. I had visited this department store many times before, but I had never experienced anything like this. I stepped into the store needing eye cream, but I walked out offended and embarrassed. The disdained look on her face before I even had a chance to speak should’ve been the first red flag. Scanning me up and down, she loudly asked, “Huh?”

As a soft-spoken person with a deeper voice, I was accustomed to speaking up, so I naturally repeated my question. She still seemed confused when I nervously repeated the inquiry a second time. With revulsion, she abruptly commanded me to speak English.

“I don’t know what you want or what you’re saying. Hablas inglés?” she asked. “You know, English? This cream is expensive, did you know that? EXPENSIVE.”

Fuming, I looked her right in the eyes and answered, “You must be quite hard of hearing if you cannot understand that I am speaking to you in English, not Spanish. I am very well aware of how much the cream costs, as I have purchased it before. I will buy it elsewhere, thanks.” Her eyes and nose furrowed under her large glasses.

Years later, I still avoid the cosmetics section of that store.

In that moment, my throat swelled and my face felt like it was burning. Pure anger rang through my entire body. This was the first time I that I had experienced overt racism. Learning that a stranger was willing to humiliate someone based on their appearance unnerved me and ate away at my heart. I cannot begin to imagine disliking someone because of their skin color or some other arbitrary trait. The understanding that this behavior continues even in this day and age was an ugly truth to discern.

There is a level of privilege in being ethnically ambiguous, as events like that night at the shopping mall have been relatively rare in my life. If anything, the most negative remarks I have heard in the past have been about my gender rather than my ethnic makeup. It is an insidious privilege, however. It demonstrates that intolerant people will always find a way to actively discriminate against others. If it is not ethnicity, it will be gender. Prejudiced people will never miss an opportunity to be intolerant or put their ignorance on display.

Although I have been fortunate enough to avoid experiencing frequent bigotry on this level, there are still some minor idiosyncrasies I have discovered in being of mixed ethnicity: People have spoken to me in a variety of languages; my dad and I look nothing alike; and conversations regarding my background get confusing.

“Where are you from?”

“California.”

“No, where are you really from?”

“California.”

“No, where are you really really from?”

“You got me, Orange County.”

And it only gets worse in the dating sphere. I have been told more than once that I look “exotic,” and I am still not sure how to receive it. In my eyes, the term “exotic” is a fitting way to describe something like a drink or dish. Not a person.

These comments are not restricted to adjectives; they extend to assumptions about my habits and interests. I cannot salsa dance, I will not make empanadas for anyone and I will certainly not be anybody’s Jasmine to their Aladdin. Although I understand these are (albeit poor) attempts at compliments, throwing ethnicity into the flirting equation is never a good idea. All that arises from mixing the two is stereotyping and reducing someone to their looks and or ethnicity. People are worth so much more than that.

The experience of being a mixed ethnicity person is fairly intricate. There is indeed much privilege attached to being “difficult to define.” That night at the mall and some off-color flirting are the most overt examples of racism I have personally experienced, and they are relatively mild compared to what others endure. Someone making it difficult to purchase a cream is nothing next to someone denying me a job because of my name or even senseless violence.

Many fantasize that a future mixed-ethnicity generation will be a panacea for racism. This idea, however, is very flawed and fails to acknowledge the fiction that is “race.” Historically, race has been consistently used as a tool of division to limit opportunities and equality for some groups. That part of the narrative needs to be fully addressed before we can resolve the issue of racism in our culture.

Karina Pauletti writes the Thursday column on media discourse. Contact her at [email protected].