(hat tip to the Pervocracy)

Recently, the Washington Times has run one of the most sexist dating articles (and that is saying something) it has been my distinct misfortune to see. I’m not linking to them, because I don’t want to give them any more traffic than they already have; the Pervocracy’s takedown, done by our very own Holly Pervocracy, is far funnier. I would like to discuss two quotes and show exactly how misandric they are.

A fundamental principle of sexual economics is that “sexual activity by females has exchange value, whereas male sexuality does not,” Mr. Baumeister and Ms. Vohs wrote in their 2004 paper.

Essentially, this quote plays into the Myth of Men Not Being Hot. Both men and women in our culture tend to grow up not feeling physically desirable. Women are presented with a single attractive female body– the twentysomething feminine slender cis woman with large breasts, long legs, a round firm ass, a flat stomach, no body hair and an attractive face– and shamed when, inevitably, they cannot reach this ideal. There is a theoretical attractive woman; however, given that there is yet to be a real-life Photoshop filter, no woman can be her. Men, on the other hand, are usually taught that there is no such thing as an attractive male body at all.

Therefore, it is assumed that no woman can just want a man because he’s pretty and she’s horny. Maybe she wants him because he’s rich and can buy her diamonds; maybe she wants him because he has “game” and has tricked her into bed; maybe she wants him because he has traded for her pussy with its fair market value in love and commitment; maybe she wants him because he’d be a good father and she wants Teh Baybees. But the idea that a man can be desired is, as Figleaf puts it, “simultaneously inconceivable and intolerable.”

You would think all of the women having casual sex decried in this article would disprove that point, but no, apparently, according to the Washington Times, all those women just want to get married and have babies and are really, really bad at it. Fortunately, as a woman who has had casual sex, I can state the following as objective truth:

That’s bullshit.

Cock is awesome.

I have never met a woman who had casual sex because she thought that was how you got married, or because some dude tricked her into it. I have, however, met plenty of women who had casual sex because she didn’t want a relationship for whatever reason, but he had great tattoos, or really lovely hipbones, or a cute beard, or a soft warm chest, or nice muscles, or just this aura of being great in bed. (Also, quite a few women who had sex because he was available and she was horny, but that’s neither here nor there.)

That is because they are straight and bi women, and so they think men are hot.

Men’s rules of engagement play to their interests of having sex often, with many partners, in a more sexually permissive environment, without romance or commitment, he said.

Straight men, says the Washington Times, never obsessively stalk their crush’s Facebook or check their phones every five minutes to see if she has texted back. They never have their entire day made by seeing their crush’s smile, or go five minutes out of their way to happen to run into her on the way to classes.

Once in a relationship, unless it’s to obtain sex or get out of trouble, straight men never want to give compliments or presents or hugs to see their girlfriend smile, or take care of making dinner just because their girlfriend is tired, or even spend large amounts of time together just because her presence is unimaginably better than her absence.

Straight men never want to open up to a woman, to bare their souls. They never want to take care of a woman and have her take care of them, or get to know every random detail about her– her favorite color and her third-grade teacher. They certainly never want to spend a life together.

Straight men never stay up until four or five AM talking even though there’s school or work the next day because the girl is so fascinating they can’t stop themselves from wanting to talk to her more.

Straight men never want to cuddle.

Straight men never find a girl aesthetically pleasing without wanting to fuck her. Hell, straight men don’t even find some women attractive and some women not. If she’s available for casual sex, they’d totally fuck her, even if they aren’t actually attracted to her.

Because the only thing straight men need is a warm hole and sixty seconds.

At best, the Washington Times believes all men are polyamorous aromantics uninterested in relationships. I am pretty sure this is not true, however, mostly because my romantic life would be about twelve times simpler if it were. As much as I like to believe that my pussy is just so amazing everyone who comes inside it immediately wants to monogamously date me in order to deny other men this exquisite pleasure, I somehow doubt this is the case.

At worst, the Washington Times believes the true nature of male sexuality is using women as interchangeable Pussy Delivery Mechanisms, masturbating into a female body because a vagina feels better than your hand. And that is just fucked-up, misandric shit.