WASHINGTON—Insisting that the impressionable youth wasn’t aware of any wrongdoing, Senate Republicans spoke out Thursday saying that one mistake shouldn’t ruin the life of a naive, promising young man like President Donald Trump. “Sure, withholding military aid to an ally in wartime in order to secure an investigation into a political rival isn’t the best, but it’s wrong to squander all of this bright young man’s potential over one little abuse of power,” said Senator Mitch McConnell (R-KY), explaining that it would be easy to look back and find a time in pretty much anyone’s life when they tried to compel a foreign government to interfere in a national election because they didn’t know any better. “It would be unfair to blemish this gifted young man’s record forever just because he committed a single high crime in his 70s. Just ask yourself: do we really want this one miscarriage of public trust in democratic institutions to follow him for the rest of his life?” At press time, McConnell was heartened that an acquitted Trump still had an entire life of undermining democracy for his personal benefit ahead of him.

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