FAIRFAX, VA—At George Mason University on Monday, Obama was met with much criticism for his recent executive action to gun control.

The evening, which was hosted by CNN, reached a climatic point when the President told an Arizona sheriff that there was a scientific link between gun advocacy and penis size.

“You see, Sheriff,” Obama said with a sigh. “I’m no scientist, but I know a few. They tell me that global warming is real and I believe them. These same scientists just finished another study and concluded something truly alarming: there is a correlation between gun advocacy and penis size.”

The Sheriff, at a loss for words, immediately sat down.

“This study is a most peculiar find,” said Barry Manilow, Stubhill’s senior science correspondent . “The evidence to back this up has yet been published. I’m not really sure I want to read this study. There’s probably a lot of dong pics in it.”

At press time, sobbing could be heard outside of the NRA headquarters.

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