A couple of weeks ago, I published a short dictionary of theological and spiritual terms; now it’s time I do the same for political terms.

So for those of you who don’t know the meaning a certain word or phrase in the current political discourse, here you go.

Please remember, this is meant to be humorous (though my humor is admittedly quite morbid at times):

Alt-right – a cool, hip kind of racism.

Anarchist – someone who wants to bring the system down, but tries to benefit from it at the same time.

Anarcho-primitivist – A rich kid who takes pride in looking and smelling like a hobo.

Basket of Deplorables – What Hillary Clinton is getting for Christmas.

Blue Lives Matter – Political campaign for the rights of smurfs.

Capitalist – someone who profits off the labor of others, but cries foul when others do the same.

Communist – Anyone whose political views are more liberal than my own.

Conservative – Someone who believes all rich white men are created equal.

Conspiracy Theory – Widely believed “news” story that has little or no factual basis. “I read it on the Internet, so it must be true!”

DAPL – acronym for “Defrauder’s Authorization to Plunder the Land.”

Democrat – Someone who wants the empire to die slowly and painfully.

Election – Process where Americans find the most despicable people on the planet and give them positions of power.

Fascist – Anyone whose political views are more conservative than my own.

Green Party – A large gathering of potheads.

Heritage Not Hate – Bumper sticker that means, “I’m a stupid POS who deserves to have my truck set on fire.”

Hillary – least-popular name for a girl born in 2016.

Isolationist – Someone who has the audacity to suggest that maybe we shouldn’t be trying to police the whole world.

Jesus – Someone who is sick and tired of his name being used in political campaigns.

Kardashians – The people who actually run America.

Liberal – Someone who believes we should all be equally miserable.

Libertarian – An anarchist who wants to be rich.

Libertarian Socialist – Someone who believes in both limited government and redistribution of wealth. Slightly less common than the unicorn.

Make America Great Again – Campaign slogan meaning “I’m going to screw you, and you’re going to act like you enjoy it.”

Nationalism – Most popular religion in the United States.

The Onion – The most accurate news-source, currently.

Politics – Compound word formed from the terms “poly” (many) and “ticks” (blood-sucking leeches.)

Propaganda – Whatever my political opponent says.

Qdoba – Where Donald Trump goes for “ethnic” food.

Republican – Default political party of the religious right.

Socialist – A communist who hasn’t come out of the closet yet.

TRUMP – acronym for “That Rubbish Under My Porch.”

USA – acronym for “Underwater, Sedated and Apathetic.”

Vulgarity – Most common form of political speech.

West Russia – Nation formerly known as “the United States of America.”

Xenophobe – Someone who hates foreigners – except those that are good for business, of course.

Youtube – Where most Americans get their political news.

Zero – Chances of electing a “good” candidate to office.