NEW YORK—Noting that his four years at Fordham University hadn’t even led to a 3,000-square-foot penthouse apartment on the Upper East Side yet, local 24-year-old Alex Michaelson, who still hasn’t achieved his dream life, told reporters Tuesday he regrets wasting money on a college education. “What’s the point of going $30,000 in debt if my starting annual salary out of college is only going to be $60,000 per year?” said Michaelson, who, despite aspiring to be a high-powered CEO, simply has a steady position as an operations manager at a successful Midtown real estate firm. “I studied my ass off majoring in computer science and I’ve been in the workforce for 18 months, but here I am now, a 24-year-old without a beautiful family, a second home, multiple sports cars, or an issue of GQ with my face on the cover. The whole thing’s such a racket.” Michaelson added that all he had to show for his education was a worthless piece of paper and a luxurious studio apartment in the East Village.



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