THE FEDERAL THANK YOU NOTE PROGRAM

I had been thinking about what could make tax season more fun. The following is not real, but I think it’s a fun thing to think about! Happy April Fools.

April 1st — 2017

Be prepared for feeling a little more appreciated this tax season. A little noticed section of the new tax reform plan is going into effect. Beginning in April 2017, the newly legislated Federal Thank You Note program ( FTYN ) will take effect.

If you pay your taxes this year, you will receive a personalized, hand-written thank you note from a government beneficiary. That includes everyone from soldiers, and spies, to senators and scientists to medicare recipients, the elderly, and people on food stamps. Federal prisoners, college students, and bondholders are included as well. No matter how much you spend on taxes, you have the option to recieve a letter. Taxpayers are able to place priorities of what class of beneficiary they receive a letter from. Taxpayers can optionally write a short bio about themselves for the letter writer to receive.

“We just don’t want people to resent taxes so much,” said program inventor Sally T. McDonough. “It’s modeled off of certain university donation programs, where donors receive a thank you note from students. And frankly, it’s based off of every wedding, dinner party and bar mitzvah in the country. Sending off thank you notes is just good manners.”

Americans, by and large, seem to be looking forward to receiving the notes.

“I always thought about my taxes as money lost, I never really thought about who received it. It’ll be nice I guess. Probably I’ll ask for a letter from someone in a nursing home, those people have it real hard you know,” said 58 year old auto mechanic, Roy Platz.

“I want daddy to get a letter from an astronaut. Did you know daddy pays for space?” says Olivia Yanki, age 6.

Some Americans were surprised to learn that they themselves will be writing letters. Most were excited for the opportunity.

“I didn’t know it, but my theatre actually receives funding from the government,” says Carly Flakus, 29, an actress from Los Angeles. “I’ll have to write some letters too. Saying thanks for that theatre is going to be easy, its my whole life right now.”

Even the president will be getting involved. “Ill be writing a letter with my giant hands. This is going to be America’s greatest program. #FTYNgreat”

The program itself will cost $100 million a year to administer. Administration costs cover postal costs of sending nearly half a billion letters around the country, and ensuring that government beneficiaries comply with the new letter sending rules and deadlines.

Program proponents claim that the program should more than pay for itself in terms of additional tax compliance. “An additional 0.1% boost in tax receipts would cover the costs of the program several times over,“ says program administrator David Rosty. He expects to be writing several thank you notes himself this year, and looks forward to the opportunity.

Program opponent, Bert Nordstrom, said the following, “The government is bloated enough as it is. The best thank you an American could get is if we didn’t have to pay for liberal feel-good programs like this one.” When pressed, he went on to say he would be requesting a letter from a US veteran, because his father had been in the military.

One government employee is certainly thankful. Chicago mailman, Gary Ungar, says, “I love delivering mail, and we haven’t talked about this much mail being sent out in over 15 years. You better believe I appreciate that that.”

Letters will be received on of before Thanksgiving, 2017.

Is this a good idea? Is it possible to execute? What would actually happen? Would love to hear your thoughts!