Since it looks like we're going to have the whole Bernie Sandham Clinders business at least through the Oregon primary—and probably all the way through California at the beginning of June—I'd like to take the opportunity to establish some First Principles for both sides in the obviously vain hope that they'll listen. OK, here goes:

1.) Not everything is a personal attack.

Throwing dollar bills at limos arriving at a fundraiser is not a personal attack, nor is it sexist in any way, unless you've been spending Pacman Jones-quality time in certain establishments. Hell, in one of his finest moments, Abbie Hoffman "made it rain" on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange and laughed as the suits below scrambled for every dollar bill. This was not sexist. It was a prank, and a fine one, too. Was the money-tossing distasteful? Well, maybe, but the implication that HRC is obliged to her big money donors is no more distasteful than suggesting that Bernie Sanders' alleged allegiance to the NRA makes him indifferent to the mothers of the murdered children at Sandy Hook. Get over yourselves.

2.) If something is a personal attack, so what?

CNN is doing a clever little series about blood-thirsty presidential campaigns of the past. In 1824, for example, the Jackson folks accused John Quincy Adams of pimping for the Tsar. The Adams people accused Jackson–and his wife–of bigamy. When we get to that level of invective, Robby Mook and Tad Devine can give me a call. Until then, grow a thicker skin, the lot of you. A lot worse is coming in the fall.

3.) Not everything is a dirty trick.

The fact that independent voters failed to meet a deadline for a Democratic primary and, therefore, probably won't be able to vote in it, is not in any way "voter suppression." That's an insult to all those people out in the country whose votes really are being suppressed, as well as to the memory of all those people of the past whose votes were suppressed by virtue of their being murdered. Calm the fck down, please. And stay out of court.

4.) Please make actual arguments in which apples are compared to apples.

The answer to, "Why won't you release the damn transcripts?" is not "Where are your tax returns?" That is ducking and dodging the question, which is, in case we've forgotten, "Why won't you release the damn transcripts?" If it is because you made nicey-nice with some unpopular thieves, then own it and move on. If it is because almost 40 years of ratfcking has made you justifiably nervous, then the American voter needs to know that, too, before the American voter decides to bring that circus back to Washington.

5.) And, finally, your vote affects me and millions of other people.

Like baseball, an election is a collective statement made up of many individual actions. Therefore, if your binky gets knocked in the dirt, and you throw a tantrum and stay home, we all have to live with those consequences, including a lot of people who don't share your privilege or your income. If you want to stay home, we can't stop you. (They can in Australia, but never mind.) But please don't brag about how you are too fine a person to vote. The blood of Viola Liuzzo and Medgar Evers cries out from the earth in opposition to your prideful vanity.

That's it. Now go have an election.

Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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