Butthurt guaranteed :)





Okay I know this will offend a lot of people but that is the prime intention. Why else would I make these lists?





10. AC/DC











Real heavy metal or not, they were one of the first bands to be actually called “heavy metal” and thus they make it to this list. I like AC/DC a lot but they are one of the most overrated bands in the history of popular music. They received a lot of airplay back in the day and their enduring popularity is due to a formulatic blend of shitty, repetitive riffs and boring lyrics . They have been making the same crap for 39 years and their hit single “Back in Black” is one of the most commercially raped songs of all time along with Black Sabbath’s Paranoid and Metallica’s Enter Sandman.

9. Manowar





Just look at that picture.









8. Pantera





One word; PANTERRIBLE. Yeah yeah, Dimebag was murdered. Fucking GET OVER IT. Its been 8 years and people are still like “z0mG R.I.p dImEbAG <33” Pantera used to be a pretty good band until Dimebag had to go and get himself killed (facepalm).









7. Venom





This band is often credited with “inventing” black metal. This is completely retarded and preposterous since they only COINED the term “black metal” and their early records sounded nothing like actual black metal. While Venom had a profound influence on thrash metal, no one can deny the fact that but this band is totally overrated within the black metal scene.









6. Megadeth





Dave Mustaine is and has always been a huge dildo and complete moron. This was the main reason he got kicked off Metallica (among other reasons). Killing Is My Business...And Business Is Good is a fantastic album but their subsequent albums weren’t that great. When Metallica sold out in 1991, thrash lovers switched to Megadeth only to realize they were just as shitty as Metallica was. A few faithful fools stayed true to Megadeth and kept buying Mustaine’s shitty albums until he sobered up and converted to Christianity (death of Megadeth). Some people claim that Megadeth is much more infleuntial than Metallica and that is complete bullshit because Metallica actually used to be a great band and released some pretty good records before the obvious happened.









5. Pretty much every melodic death metal from Sweden and Finland





Butthurt? I don’t care. Somebody has to say it. Finnish and Swedish melodic death metal bands suck balls. Sweden is home to some awesome death/black metal bands but bands of the “Gothenburg sound” steal all the spotlight. Lets start with female-fronted Swedish band Arch Enemy. Generic, stupid and lacks the sincere “evilness” essential in death metal. Listening to Arch Enemy is like listening to a NWOBHM cover of Justin Bieber’s Baby. In Flames is another shitty Swedish band that released a couple of okay-ish albums early in their career and quickly ran out of creativity. Children of Bodom from Finland is probably the most overrated melodic death band out there. They use too much keyboards and synthesizers which makes their music sound like karaoke Hindi songs with blast beats. Typical Bodom fans will often claim that its the best band in the world and will lash out at you if you say anything against them. In a country where metal is mainstream, Finland is filled with a lot of lame melodeath bands such as Norther, Wintersun and Insomnium. Why Finns take pride in these terrible bands instead of their awesome doom metal bands is absurd.





Some of the few good melodic death metal bands are Amon Amarth from Sweden and Kalmah from Finland.





4. Korn/Slipknot





You might be wondering why listed these two bands as one. Its because they sound the same and share a common group of retarded degenerates for fans. Nu-metal was promoted by record companies because they saw it as a potential style of radio friendly metal that could be played on MTV and other corporate TV and radio stations. Nu-metal became mainstream in the late 90’s/early 00’s. Spearheaded by bands like Korn, Slipknot, Limp Bizkit and Staind nu-metal soon attracted a large number of imbeciles and teenage girls with abnormal menstrual cycles to its ranks. Fortunately nobody likes nu-metal anymore.









3. Cradle of Filth





They call this band ‘black metal’ but I call them “vampire pussy metal”. Sure, chicks dig Dani Filth because women like talent-less morons. Cradle of Filth started out as a shitty but modest gothic black metal band in Suffolk, England, they eventually incorperated symphonic and fantasy (vampires) elements to their “music” after Dani discovered hot topic and saw Buffy the Vampire Slayer on TV. Cradle of Filth is the most unoriginal band in the world, often stealing riffs and ideas from other bands. One fine example is their popular “Vestal Masturbation” tshirt which looks exactly like Marduk’s Fuck Me Jesus demo artwork. Dani Filth’s voice sounds like a posessed chipmunk with rabies or a cat being gutted in the throat continuously while giving it mouth to mouth CPR. The excessive use of synthesizers and drum machines are the trademark sound of CoF. For a “metal” band these guys use too much keyboards instead of actual guitar riffs. Their music videos are so terrible I can't even think of words to describe how gay they are. Dani Filth’s obsession with vampires and gothic love stories is pretty evident in them. If you like this band, kill yourself in the most painful way imaginable.





2. Kiss





Gene Simmons is a whore. Its pretty evident that he co-founded KISS just to get laid. Their music is generic, idiotic and just boring. KISS always reminds me of Dr. Rockzo’s band Zazz Blammymatazz from Metalocalypse (which is clearly based on KISS). Why are they on this list? Because KISS is a joke that people took seriously.









1. Metallica





We’ve come to its last. The greatest shitstorm of our time. Many of you will agree with me when I say that Metallica is the most overrated metal band of all time. They are SO overrated, in fact, that many people think they “invented” thrash metal and that is absurd and false since it was bands like Overkill, Anvil and Venom that started playing retro-thrash years before Lars Ulrich hit puberty. Metallica is merely the first popular band played thrash metal as a seperate genre. While Slayer is the greatest thrash metal band of all time (come at me bros), Metallica released 3 very influential and rather significant albums in the 80’s until they sold out when Lars Ulrich, the greedy Danish bastard, decided they weren’t making enough cash. Had James Hetfield objected and threatened to quit if they went mainstream Metallica would still be respected today, but he didn’t since he’s Lars’ bitch. And thus, modern day Metallica was born. Metallica died with Cliff Burton.



- Cyrus