The philosophical thought experiment which asks whether or not a tree falling in the woods with no one to hear it still makes a noise has finally been put to bed after a stuck up DJ claimed to have heard it before.

DJ Anton D’Arcy, a.k.a. DJ AD CD, revealed he heard the “original mix” of the tree falling in the woods “years ago” and even claimed to have a copy of it on vinyl somewhere in his storage unit.

“Honestly mate I’ve heard everything. I’ve been DJing for thirteen years now so if it’s been pressed on wax it’s almost definitely infiltrated my eardrums,” claimed D’Arcy, known locally as a “bit of a cunt”. “I remember that tree falling in the woods, it was totally banging.”

“They don’t make trees falling in the woods like they used to,” claimed D’Arcy. “A lot of these modern trees falling try to sound like they did back in the day but to a discerning set of ears like mine the difference is easily spotted. There’s no analog sound in there at all. I’ve heard some lumberjacks are even using pre-recorded tree falling sounds now too.”

“I’ve still got the original mix on vinyl somewhere in my storage unit,” continued Anton. “Obviously I only use CDJs nowadays because, while still being unabashedly old school, I’m still ultra modern, which pretty much makes me a promoter’s dream. I can’t really understand why I’m not getting more gigs to be honest with you.”

According to tree experts, the tree in question, a forty three year old beech, was felled during the recent storm Barney.

“It’s likely the tree had fallen and been lying on the ground unnoticed for a number of days,” revealed Theresa Greene of Trees Are People Too, or TAPT. “It’s a big tree so we’re assuming it would have made quite a lot of noise, a bit like DJ Sneak on Twitter, only a lot less annoying.”

Unconfirmed reports that the tree had made no sound while falling have been rubbished after a bear, who was nearby taking a shit, confirmed it had literally “scared the crap out of [him]”.