(Image: Berghaintrainer)

Berghain, a Berlin nightclub known for its strict entrance policy, has launched a simulator using voice and camera technology to judge whether you’d make it past the doorman and into the club.


The simulator starts off in a dark alley—the number one indicator of a cool place. A small in-screen video in the upper left-hand corner shows your face as the simulator records its anger, sadness, amazement, and euphoria levels.

After setting your beer down outside the club, you’re met by Sven, the actual hard-nosed bouncer of Berghain. Sven is leather-clad, blond, and slight. The facade of the simulator quickly falls away as he manages to look you up and down; the sound of an accelerating heartbeat in the background also helps. He asks three questions, which vary if you try multiple times to get in. “Are you drunk?” (No.) “Do you know who is spinning tonight?” (N-no.) “Where are you coming from?” (… Los Angeles?) Sven never stops moving throughout the exchange, and he lets a few seconds pass between each answer and the next question. He looks over your shoulder constantly.


“Not today,” Sven says, finally, as he steps away for the last time. “Probably not ever,” would be more apt, but then you likely wouldn’t want to try again… and again and again and again.