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My doctors have assured me there is no miracle cure for the type of arthritis I have “right around the corner”. They have talked to me about the “meaningful lives” many “housebound” people live, while I have grumbled and asked about things like mainlining heroin. “That would work right?”

I am not housebound, and it should be noted I prefer the more Victorian “Invalid”, but I play a game of roulette each day. Do I feel well enough to drive to the store or library, or do I rest for most of the day? It is very difficult to plan things, as without careful planning and extra medication, there is no knowing what each morning will bring.

I am learning to be an invalid.

Of course there is all the extra reading. Kindle employees can thank me for their holiday bonus this year. I am a very quick reader, and average a book a day. We’re not talking “War and Peace”, but my penchant for obscure or half forgotten mystery writers has meant royalty checks for relatives of writers such as Gladys Mitchell and A.Fielding. Eliabeth Daly can be glad in her grave her family is wondering “Who is reading all these books?” (Henry Gamidge is great fun, a book expert detective). Carolyn Wells epitomizes the tone and writing of the early 1900’s, but while a difficult read the plots are incredibly complex and puzzling. These books are plotted and planned better than the Normandy Invasion. (For younger readers that was a big battle in WWII).

I am also knitting many hats for children in South Africa, yes it does become cold there and few homes have heat. I’ve been learning wool felting and have even been asked to demonstrate at a few public functions. I wish I could say I’ve been using all my free time wisely and productively.

I do enjoy youtube. They have an incredible selection of old movies, I recommend “School for Danger” where real WWII resistance fighters and organizers play themselves. The problem with youtube is other things will pop up as recommended for you. Actually the real problem is I will click on those recommended videos.

I have discovered Mythicbells cattery, where a woman lives with her beautiful Persians. While I am a huge fan of adopting strays, the Persian cats are just what is needed for a 2a.m. pain festival party in my knees and hips. Often quiet distraction is what is needed. Bunny is of course still a favorite. She has anxiety issues, so also has trouble getting out of the house. She shops in antique stores (which is where I would often be if not bed ridden). I’ve also learned a lot about make up from her. It’s too bad I rarely have a chance to wear make up, but I do own much more high quality makeup now. Plus, my two daughters will be delighted with the Urban Decay and other quality makeup I have bought them for the holidays. (Don’t worry, children never read their parents blog.)

I was however shocked at a recent video recommendation I clicked on. It appears it is now youtube worthy to film dumpster diving. When I was a child, and an adult living in a big city, dumpster diving was done because of desperation. I would make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and leave them near a dumpster because I knew a hungry person would dumpster dive there every evening for food. I would include a small container of apple sauce and a juice drink. Often dumpster divers had few teeth, so I would plan a menu accordingly.

Modern dumpster divers not only film their exploits, but drive nice cars and appear well fed. They often worry about the car getting “messy” from the bags of trash they are piling in. They dress nicely, even for dumpster diving. I would dress in a Hazmat suit, but they usually wear a nice work out suit with PINK written across the butt.

The dumpster divers then drive home and show you their “haul”. This seems to consist of trash. Dumpster diving outside of my new favorite store, Ulta, a cosmetic store, reveals testers. Testers at Ulta are for everyone to swatch on their arm or hand the color of the cosmetic. Most people I have seen use a Q tip or tissue. However, many people just swipe it on, even on the body part the cosmetic is meant for. I would never use a tester lipstick on my lips or even an eye shadow on my eyes. While this is unsanitary, it does not compare to the dumpster diver who happily shows off the old tester samples she has snagged from the Ulta dumpster. “I just have to clean it off a little” one states.

One dumpster diver specializes in Victoria’s Secret dumpsters. Of course, to discourage this, Victoria’s Secret will cut each item of clothing before throwing it out. I’m talking huge rips up the back of shirts and bras cut in two. This seems to not matter to the dumpster diver, who imagines what the item will look like with a little mending. It will look like crap, but other than putting that in the reply I have no way of telling the young woman this. She likes to talk about “If I put a cardigan over it, no one will see the strap has been cut off”. Right.

The ultimate something for nothing seems to be those that dumpster dive at the Dollar Tree. I have to admit to being a fan of the Dollar tree. I buy wrapping paper, greeting cards and party decorations there. My front yard looked really spooky for Halloween because I spent about $10 at the Dollar Tree. If you are having a kids party, it’s the place for party favors. Still, in New Hampshire everything there really is just a DOLLAR. We have no sales tax. It’s a dollar. What could you get in their dumpster that would be worth all the mess and chance of getting caught?

The answer in one video appears to be just old candy. One mother happily dumps garbage bags full of holiday candy all over her living room, while her child squeels in delight. It’s an expiration date nightmare of Willy Wonka proportions as her child rolls around on Santa lollipops and who knows what else. If you are going to dumpster dive, why not Tiffany or Ralph Lauren?

The obvious message of this blog post is that I spent an entire sleepless with pain night being entertained by people doing something I never even imagined was youtube worthy. It took my mind off my discomfort, amused and shocked me, and I felt a little bit guilty about watching it at all.

Fortunately the novelty wore off, and I am back to searching for vintage movies and even more forgotten mystery authors of the early Agatha era.

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Categories: Travel