CLOVIS, NM—Describing him as a normal, well-adjusted individual in nearly every respect, acquaintances of 32-year-old Gary Morgan confirmed Monday that the otherwise reasonable man earnestly believes the U.S. government landed a spacecraft on the moon. “Gary’s a pretty regular, levelheaded guy unless he gets going on one of his ridiculous rants about how American astronauts actually walked on the moon back in 1969,” said friend Jeremy Lesser, adding that you would never guess by looking at Morgan that he’s absolutely convinced NASA successfully sent six different crews on lunar missions. “Honestly, I’ve found it’s best just to avoid the topic of space exploration altogether when we hang out. I’ve come to realize that no matter what I say, I’m never going to change his mind about the Apollo program. And I’d rather talk to him about anything else than hear him go off about astronauts exploring the lunar surface and bringing samples back to Earth again.” At press time, Lesser was reportedly biting his tongue as Morgan explained the existence of several American flags allegedly planted on the moon.

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