River’s Diary!! Complete from The Eternity Clock

After much frustration trying to finish the Cyberfactory on hard I decided to take a break and transcribe River’s diary.

Page 1:



Expedition to the Library

Lux expedition checklist

- Get hold of Prof Gillipan Nexton’s “A Closed Book? Leading Theories on the

Sealing of the Library”

- Contact Strackman about payment of my advance. (Don’t think his wallet’s

seen the light of day this century)

- Visit British Museum 4.0 - check out their Node technology. Familiarise.

- Check background of Felman Lux & familiy - hiding something? Probably not

important.

- Lost a few pounds. New space suit!

- Check navigation routes. Land on moon?

- Buy New batteries for the sonic.

- Roast chicken for packed lunches.



Page 2:



How to pilot the TARDIS



He calls it the zig zag plotter. I think it’s a sparkplug. Handbrake. Remember to

flick lock switch to the left - then it’s silent and he won’t notice when you move

it. (DOWN is OFF)

Vortex Stabalisers. Don’t think he’s even SEEN these.



Randomiser. Don’t know why he still has it - but it’s fun to switch it on when he’s

not looking!



Toaster.



When he pulls these up, push them back down ASAP. And when he pushes

THESE down, run for cover.



[drawing of TARDIS console]



Page 3:



The Spoilers of Lake Silencio



22nd April 2011(2nd time round)



Sometimes you can bite your tongue so hard it hurts. It hurts so much you want

to scream – so you just bite down harder and don’t make a sound.

He’s an idiot. The biggest idiot in the universe. Poor Amy and poor Rory having

to watch that I know he has his plans, his grand schemes to mould history into

a shape he likes, but does he have to keep them under whatever hat is his

favourite that week? ( A Stetson? Really? That’s like seeing your physics

teacher in a night club. ALL WRONG.)



I fired at the astronaut - shooting at myself - and I did the whole noble “It’s no

use” thing just for appearances. Look I don’t mind lying (heaven knows, he and

I would have no kind of relationship without it), but I don’t like telling someone

else’s untruths.





Page 4:



If he pulls something like this again, I will take that blessed bow tie and wring

his neck with it.



The Birth of River Song



Talk about the morning after. The last thing I know, I was someone else entirely.

And then today I woke up in a hospital bed, totally at the tender mercy of these

Sisters of the Infinite Schism, and try to cope with the fact that I’m not who I

thought I was.



I am River Song.



So where does that leave me? The new me - or the old me, both are as lost as

each other. All I have is a bag of clothes (I think Amy picked them out for me -

too many short skirts) and a little blue book. This little blue book. Though they

didn’t leave me a pen. The nurses had to look around for ages, eventually

phoning out to the nearest antique shop. Don’t they know how hard it is to find a

biro in the 52nd century?



Page 5: (cont’d)



There was something folded into the pages, right there at the start of this book.

A business card ‘Professor Artem Candy, Dept of Antiquities, Luna University’

and then something else, a string of numbers calling itself a “comlink code”

Well why not? I mean who else is going to help me get what I need?

Now I wonder if these nurses can help me with the “comlink” thing..?



An Unearthly Mess



I couldn’t help myself. He used to have the worse swiss-cheese memory so I

knew that meeting his first incarnation wouldn’t upset too many apple carts.

There wasn’t any chance he would remember me. Just one blast on the Vortex

Manipulator, and there he would be. The man I love, wearing his very first face.

It didn’t go well. He lived in a scrapyard. A scrapyard! This was “blending in”. I

imagine - though why anyone would try to keep a low profile by being Albert

Steptoe in 1963, I have no idea.



Page 6: (cont’d)



Anyway the second he saw me snooping around inside the gates, he lurched at

me, waving his walking stick like a weapon. “And what do you think you’re

doing?” The point of the stick was aimed right between my eyes. “Hmmm? This

is private, yes, private property, you can’t just be where you want ever to be.”

He has had more erudite selves.

Then I heard her voice calling from the street. “Grandfather?” My hand leapt to

the manipulator and I got out of there in a shot. That is a conversation I am not

ready for yet!





The Many Faces of River’s Sweetie



One: Grumpy, Rude. Hangs out with teachers – boring! And the worst taste in

hats – I missed the fez



Two: Fun but wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him. Offered to show me

“this cool place on Telos” – but I saw right through that (And I hope he chokes

on that recorder)



Three: Now we’re talking! Hair like a lion, Velvet and frills. Amazing gourmand.

We had a lot to talk about.



Four: Good hair. Good hat. Has fourteen of those scarves. All the same. They

take up a whole lot of room to themselves.



Page 7: (cont’d)



Five: Very sweet but strangely short-tempered. Also obsessed with some place

called the Eye of Harmony. A nightclub?



Six: I fear this was the payoff of all those conversations with Three. He was

aiming for my hair and fell some way short. Also, is that what it looks like when

you put clowns through a wood chipper?



Seven: Surprisingly Scottish! Always thinks big. Would have loved to get my

hands on that jumper - and thrown it into the nearest supernova.



Eight: Velvet and frills again? So passé. But oh my word - GREAT DIGS! Got

lost in the cloisters one afternoon I could have sworn I heard some American

begging to be let out.



Nine: Leather jacket. Funny accent. Big ears. And don’t mention the war!



NOTE: Need to buy more mnemosine recall-wipe vapour. Can’t keep hopping

into my sweetie’s life without it!



Page 8:



The Discovery of the Eternity Clock

Found an old ship just floating in space, where no ship should be. Edge of the



—— stern. Strange readings fr ————-

I’m having the weirdest day I can remember waking up, but then What? This is

the tenth day of the expedition and we’re still no closer to finding the wreck. We

check the scanners again and again but the space here is just empty.



(erased text) Not empty. We just can’t see it. It keeps moving.



I keep standing by the viewscreen as if I expect to see something.

(text is crossed out) I did see it. A vast hulk - like no ships I’d seen before. Huge, black like oil. It

sucked in the starlight. And in it’s heart something burning. A furnace? But

ticking. Energies so



I wonder how long we’ll wait before we give up, turn around and head home?



(erased text) I don’t want to find it again.



Page 9:



River’s Bestiary

Spiders Metabelis Three: Who likes spiders, right? What about eight foot wide

spiders with voices like mice being minced? KILLED MY BELOVED. Not to be

trifled with. Bring rolled up newspaper.

Zygons. Unbelievably ugly. They look like an octopus mated with Humpty

Dumpty (They do not respond well to “What’s up, suckers?”) But on the plus

side, they have their own pet Loch Ness Monster!

Pakhar. Hamster people. Let me… Just… Hamster. People.

Chelonians. Tortoise people. More intimidating than the Pakhar, due to guns

and complete willingness to use them. Planetary anthem has 185 verses, each

of them terrible.



Raxacoricofallapatorians. Fat, slimy, baby-faced aliens. They try to tell you that

the worst of their race were wiped out with the Slitheen family line, but don’t

believe them. They’re all foul.



The Ballad of Jim the Fish



Anteria XVI Cordobane dig site. Day 65.



This has been the most tedious excavation ever - I never thought it would end.

But today - oh, today.

Jim would find this hilarious if he were here. There was this one time - 48th

century I think, in a bar run by the Brotherhood of Maldovar - my sweetheart

took Jim and me out for karaoke. I don’t remember much, it was all a blur - but I

do remember “Islands in the Stream” and the video recorder. We lost the tape

afterwards. Never even gave it a second’s thought, I don’t think.



Til today. We just unearthed a series of paintings on huge sandstone slabs.

We’re not totally sure how they were formed - but that’s him - that’s Jim the

Fish in that suit in that bar singing that song, gils flaring, teeth sparkling under

the glitterball.



Each tablet seems to represent a different line in the song. There are symbols,

and Sssibeth says he’s seen something like them before. He read the words

“peace unknown”, “tender love”, “dedication”… We think these people built

some sort of religion of love around the images. Oh, Jim!



I’m just grateful that the parts of the video featuring me don’t seem to be

represented. But we’re still digging…