Amita Malhotra

EqualiTee is a gender-cool merchandise brand for kids

Anamika with her son Avaan and husband Pavan

Karma, Shubhreet and Karan

Karma, dressed up as a ‘’ship captain’’, also loves her frocks

Karma loves her 'captain' uniform and her frocks

NEW DELHI: ''There shouldn’t be just two colours ! Even a rainbow has more options than we allow our kids,'' says Ashima, who has bought a basketball for her 3-year-old, while her 7-year-old throws a tantrum for a kitchen set at Hamleys. Her son is fond of cooking, a hobby he inculcated after watching his dad grill for them over weekends.''My daughter and I play basketball after I come back from work. As for my son, he would play with his kitchen set all the time. There have been a few adults in the family who felt it would make him ‘sissy’ but it’s something he finds happiness in. It’s time we broke these ideas of what kids can and can not do.''Ashima and her husband Abhay are among the small population of new generation of parents who, after years of dealing with subliminal messaging aimed at influencing different genders, want to break the moulds for their kids. Their primary aim is to begin challenging gender stereotypes within the binary of two dominant genders, male and female. Parents are now trying various tricks in the book - dividing domestic chores so that children can learn that there are no gender-specific tasks, breaking colour stereotyping and even clothes!The idea of gender neutrality took seed in the mind of New Delhi’s Amita Malhotra while she was studying feminist theory as a part of her English literature course. When she became a mother in 2014, she took to understanding what it was like to raise kids unshackled by rigid gender roles. In 2016, she joined hands with her college friend, a sexuality educator and a mother, Reema Ahmad to co-find Candidly, a platform to discuss gender, sexuality, and media use among children and young adults and launched EqualiTee in 2018.''I was inspired by the work being done in the UK by pressure groups such as Let Clothes Be Clothes and their allies and felt there wasn’t enough conversation on the topic in India. In 2018, I launched EqualiTee a gender-cool merchandise brand for kids to challenge gender stereotypes in early childhood.'' EqualiTee also curates toys and merchandise that encourages children to actively break gender stereotypes. For example, they work with Lottie Dolls, an Ireland-based award-winning dolls company that breaks stereotypes of beauty and domesticity associated with conventional dolls. Think dolls who are Astronauts, Wildlife photographers, Fossil Hunters and even Kite Flyers!But toys and tees is not where gender-neutrality ends. Dr Pragya Agarwal, a behavioural scientist and diversity consultant also believes emphasis needs to be paid on language used around children, on which they model their perception. Psychological conditioning needs to be looked into as well - it is as important for girls to be told that they are strong and not just pretty, as much as it is important for boys to be allowed to be in sync with their emotions and not suppress it. As a mother of three girls, she and her husband have monitored their access to books and shows in order to promote an idea of equality early on. ''I make sure they have diverse books that encourage the notion of equality rather than any stereotypes, because children pick up on these clues early on. We focus on what the child needs in terms of development rather than what their sex is and that is the way it should be.''This conversation extends to the use of pronouns; Sweden, in fact, made strides towards normalizing gender neutrality by adding a gender-neutral pronoun “hen” to their national vocabulary. Assigning pronouns based on gender is also avoidable, says Pragya, but believes kids shouldn’t be coerced into living a gender-less childhood. ''I don’t correct them if they say he or she for themselves. And I avoid calling them girls, which is such a natural instinct, rather referring to them and others as children or persons.''Anamika Singh, a Mumbai based photographer and mother to a 7-year-old boy, agrees. ''Extreme approach to any form of parenting style is detrimental. By practicing extreme gender neutrality where the child grows up genderless may result in confusion in their minds and isolation in social groups. I personally feel Gender-Neutral parenting should be for a child's development rather than making them an agent for social change.'' She and her husband Pawan practise what she labels as a ‘relaxed form of gender-neutral parenting - they neither impose nor fuss about gender neutrality. ''In our household, it is perfectly fine for boys to wear pink or blue, to play with dolls or action toys, to watch Dora or Diego, to cry or hold back tears. It actually isn't a big deal.''But for most parents, the journey towards gender equality has been paved because of the absence of such an environment around them. Shubhreet Kaur, a Social Media Consultant and a freelance anchor turned to gender neutrality without a faint idea of what the idea constituted. She just wanted to raise her kids in an environment with equal opportunity.''Growing up across India, I always wondered why we lack gender equality and not just in terms of men-women but also LGBTQ rights . I was also concerned about gender stereotypes. So my husband and I knew, long before we even had kids, that we would strive to provide an equality-based environment.'' For Shubhreet, gender neutrality is not simply about breaking the colour barriers of pink and blue, neither is it about blurring the lines between genders or ‘forcibly’ ensuring your child doesn’t follow the norm. The answer is simple: gender equality at home.''Even in today’s day and age, in most households, housework and childcare is essentially done by moms. Parenting responsibilities, chores, hobbies & breaks should be visibly (if not totally equally) split between partners. That way, we set a mindset for them to expect & work towards the same equality in the work & personal relationships they form later. '' Like Pragya and Anamika, Shubhreet and her husband Karan also believe in gender neutral language. ''We use the term ‘partner’ while talking about couples instead of husband-wife or girlfriend-boyfriend. While playing, we also talk about two mommies or two daddies. Kids love to talk about everything they will become when they grow up so while playing, roles like police, firefighters, ship captains, soldiers etc are always referred to as 'he & she’ both.''She can see the impact on her daughter Karma. Her daughter chooses to dress up as a ‘ship captain’ on a cruise, and she loves to wear her glittery shoes and unicorn dress to daycare with nail polish adorning her nails. ''Her Minnie Mouse Lego character is always the firefighter. She uses the female pronoun for Mini and knows it is a girl firefighter conducting rescues. There’s a balance and she doesn’t see as either thing being gender based and that is the core of Gender Neutral Parenting.''