Dear self,

I am going to keep this one short and sweet, because I know how you get when you are in this much pain. You get pretty irritable and it’s okay.

So you are here, again. You are here frequently; you know how this feels. This should be second nature to you. You have been here off and on for the past 21 years. Yet, you still tend to freak out sometimes. Don’t panic.

First things first: I promise you are not going to get stuck this way. I know it’s hard to see the light at the end of this never-ending journey, but I promise it ends. It will be back, because your condition ebbs and flows, but this pain you feel right now will not last forever. You are stronger than the pain you feel. Just remember that it will pass.

Secondly, remember to breathe. You tend to forget to breathe when you are in this much pain and it tends to lead to anxiety. Avoid falling into that trap and just remember that you can do this one breath at a time. Before you know it, you will begin to feel better.

Third, and possibly the most important thing you need to hear: stop being mean to the people around you. It’s so easy to be selfish when you are in pain, because all you think about is surviving, but the people around you are just trying to help. Being reactive isn’t helping anyone. If you need to be alone, just ask. It’s always better when you feel the way you do to be left alone. Taking some time to yourself until this episode is over is completely understandable and normal. There’s no need to ignore your friends. Just let them know what’s happening and they will understand.

You’ve done this before and you can do it again. Just take control of your pain and stop letting it consume you. I promise you will make it through.

Always and sincerely,

Me