By Brent McKnight | 8 years ago

One of science fiction’s all-time greatest villains isn’t human (or humanoid), and doesn’t have any compromising emotions whatsoever. HAL 9000 (Heuristically programmed ALgorithmic computer) is the main baddy in both of Arthur C. Clarke’s Space Odyssey books, as well as Stanley Kubrick’s mind-bending genre classic 2001: A Space Odyssey. HAL’s smooth, even voice, logical thought processes, and thinly veiled threats make him a creepy and unnerving presence, even before he turns off the oxygen in the Discovery One spacecraft.

And isn’t the one thing that’s been missing from your home a life-sized replica of the artificially intelligent control freak? Don’t you wish there was an ominous glowing red eye always staring at you, watching your every move, judging you? Well, now’s your chance. If you’re willing to drop $500 on it.

Artifactory now has an eleven-pound facsimile of HAL for pre-order. The model of the killer computer is made out of machined aluminum, and based on the actual studio blueprints from the original 1967 movie. That spooky red eye is even fashioned out of optical grade glass.

If that’s not awesome enough to get you to liberate your credit card from your wallet, little HAL, as I call him, spouts 15 different catchphrases. What exactly he says isn’t specified, but it better include classics like, “It can only be attributable to human error,” “I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that,” “Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye,” and “Look, Dave, I can see you’re really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.”