This year, you don't even have to leave the house, or turn on a computer, to experience the frustration of Black Friday shopping. Meh presents Bleak Friday: The Game of Discount Disappointment! Just download and print the game board and game cards and start having absolutely no fun at all!

RULES

Rustle up some kind of tokens for each player. Pennies would make sense. Worthless metal slugs would make even more sense. Place your tokens on one of the "Start Here" spaces, on either the "Shop Online" or "Brick and Mortar" paths. Hey, you're already only a couple of spaces away from "Gift Shopping Bliss"! This is gonna be easy, right? Shuffle the cards, place the pile face down, and draw one. Follow the instructions to move your token. "Forward" means toward "Gift Shopping Bliss". "Back" means toward "Screw it and Go Back to Bed." WINNING: You can't, just like the real Black Friday. Theoretically you're supposed to reach "Gift Shopping Bliss", but if you follow the rules, you never will. The only way to really win is not to play. Let's all have a WarGames moment and reflect on what that means for our lives.

We've left a few blank cards on the sheets so you can make your own cards to accurately reflect your own murderous shopping rage. And of course, you're free to make up your own rules, add drinking-game elements, or anything else you want to do. The only law of Bleak Friday and Black Friday alike is "By any means necessary." Share your Bleak Friday cards and variants in the thread below!

Bleak Friday: The Game of Discount Discontentment is our Thanksgiving gift to you, and it's worth every cent you'll pay for it. Gather the family around the table and play the game that's every bit as fun as Black Friday shopping. Yes, it really is that bad.

Bleak Friday game board and game cards (PDF downloads)