CONTROVERSIAL ex-India captain Sourav Ganguly today remained defiant after the European Court of Human Rights ruled IPL attacks will not have to give him “prior notification” of where they’re going to bowl. The new Pune Warriors batsman brought the action so that celebrated figures such as himself and W.G. Grace could seek a shot that prevented the loss of their wicket and thus protect the “public interest”.

Mr Ganguly, 38, took up the fight in Strasbourg having been buoyed by his famous victory against the Australian-owned organ Greg Chappell, who had previously alleged the player “indulged in an depraved orgy of arrogance and fantastical injuries.”

After an evening spent spanking the Deccan Chargers, Ganguly said: “I fundamentally disagree with the suggestion that any of this is arrogant or depraved. Along with not turning up for the toss when captain, I think requiring a bowler to expose his length to me is a perfectly harmless activity, provided it is between consenting adults who want to do it and are of sound mind.” At time of press, Adam Gilchrist was unavailable for comment.

Vowing to appeal the decision, Ganguly further added that his life had been made impossible due to his well-documented family background. “My family name and history has always haunted me,” he opined as legions of his supporters lined the streets of Kolkata waving copies of the Beano. “You try being called ‘Maharaja’ by your midwife and see if you don’t end up a bit snooty.”

about the author…James Marsh is a TEFL teacher based in the Czech Republic, although his real occupation is alienating those close to him by wallowing on statsguru. He blogs on cricket at Pavilion Opinions and can be found on Twitter at @PavilionOpinion