BY RU Guest Contributor – Yeti

Like most Americans, I woke up and heard the horrible news about the Aurora shooting. I wanted more details to try and get a better grasp on the situation and what would drive someone to do this. One of the many reports I heard was that a 4 month old baby, Ethan, was hit. Thankfully the media in every report made it clear that he was ok.

Since he was ok, my first thought was “who the fuck brings a 4 month old baby to a movie, especially a midnight showing?!?” I know I’m not the only one who thought this and I’m sure you did too. When I conveyed my frustration with my wife she defended the parents and said “well maybe the baby would sleep the whole time. “ … C’MON BUDDY!

If that was where the story ended, Jamie Rohrs, the father of young Ethan would not be the douche of the week. Rohrs decided to partake in a couple of interviews to tell his wonderful story about God saving his son… but all I heard was a self-douche confession.Rohrs was at the Aurora movie theater with his fiancée, Patricia Learreta, and their kids… oh, did I forget to mention that they also brought their 4 year old daughter?? (let’s not go down that rabbit hole of kids at a midnight movie again). Rohrs was holding Ethan and the 4 year old, Azeria, was asleep in her moms lap… you know, because it’s way past her bedtime.

When the shooting started, both parents initially did the right thing to protect their children, Legarreta (who was also injured in the attack) covered Azeria and eventually covered Ethan… but wait, where was Mr Rohrs? “I thought he was holding Ethan” you ask…

According to the ABC Interview, our hero jumped over the seat with Ethan in his arms, he said he thought about laying down to play dead but feared for Ethan. (Apparently that tactic works well with bears… not so much with crazed gunmen). Then he admits, “People are running all over. I’m tripping and falling. I don’t know if I laid him down or sat him down. I’m wondering maybe there’s more of them. [I’m thinking] ‘He’s crying and they’re going to come get me.’ I look up to see if I can run. I’m ducking, dodging, turning left, turning right. … Every time you hear a gun shot, it’s like ‘Oh, I’m dead.'”

Yes, you read that right, he put his baby down. Eventually he realizes that he can’t find his baby so he does what any parent would do… he left the theater! Hopefully by now you are thinking “yep, this guy wins the award, no need to keep talking about it”. But wait, it gets better.

“He said Legarreta called him from another phone and he drove back to the theater. They were eventually taken to the hospital and released.”

So not only did he leave the theater, he DROVE AWAY!! I can’t wait for the interview when he explains that one. Let’s recap the douchery of events:

Kids attending a midnight movie: DOUCHE

Parent lays the child down to save his own ass: DOUBLE DOUCHE

Parent leaves his family in the theater during a shooting spree: TRIPLE DOUCHE

Now before I end this rant and rave about Douche Rohrs (I’m not a fan of calling him Mr anymore), let me say that I’m sure the scene was extremely chaotic and scary. I’ve been in combat but I’m sure I would be shitting myself as well if I were in that theater. I can’t blame everyone for their actions but as a parent I can’t let this guy off the hook. I understand that military folks live with values and have training. I know a lot of guys that would give their life for their buddy, let alone their family. We also live by the rules of “leave no man behind”. While I don’t expect this guy to take a bullet for me, I do expect him to take one for his family. Then again, I guess that’s asking too much. As a parent of 2 young girls, there is no way I would leave without my family.

I just hope enough people see the details of this story and realize Jaime Rohrs is a pussydouche.

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