I put debating in quotations because it’s not really a debate. We are past the point of discussing whether women are unequal to men. We are so past it that I could not possibly link all of the research on it. It’s really disheartening that in 2017, we’re still “debating” when we should be doing. And sure, there have been some improvements, but progress doesn’t mean success, and it’s by far not close enough to where we want to be. Here are some common reasons and tactics used for the “debating” that’s holding Australia (and the rest of the world) back from equality.

#1 Derailing

The most common, most annoying, and most frustrating thing that 100% gets us nowhere is derailment of the conversation. I’ll give you an example: a news article surfaces about an issue facing women, such as this one. The author presents evidence of some sort to describe what happened and how it’s a real problem for society, and probably has suggestions on how to fix exactly the issue it is referring to, or at the very least calls out the behaviour for what it is and describes the impact.

Most of us who are versed on the barriers women face in society are probably outraged at what we’ve just read. Even more so because it seems to be the same thing every time. We want to implement solutions and (finally) take action. In fact, we have solutions. We have ideas that tell us how a male can support a feminist. But what happens instead? We spend our time answering questions from people who simply cannot believe the author’s description of what happened or the issue that’s being presented (which is really just a thin-veiled attempt to clear their conscience – see #4).

This happens every. single. time.

This is the frustrating part: those people on the other side of the “debate” demand to hear facts as to why they should believe that what the article/research piece/etc has said is actually true RIGHT NOW THIS INSTANT, or they won’t take your view seriously. Because you have nothing better to do with your time than respond to their comments in essay format with flawless arguments (insert eye roll) while they refuse to educate themselves and write a few words in response instead.

I mean, it’s no wonder we don’t get anywhere when in the past 20 or so years we have spent fighting for the basic right to be equal, we have to justify it every single time it comes up (and it comes up a lot). All we’ve been successful at is giving into the derailment bait. Why is it that when something written about an issue men agree with, such as male victims of abuse, that’s that, it’s a credible story and has truth to it. No debate, take it as it is. But a women’s issue has to be explained and proven every time an article (or the like) emerges?

The bottom line is they’re not there to change their minds and they’re not going to. They’re there because they’d prefer to argue with you instead of doing something productive with their time (like I don’t know, actually fixing those issues that effect them too).

#2 Disbelief

I’m going to start this part off with one piece of advice. Don’t engage in the discussion. I promise you, it’s pointless. You will be left feeling so frustrated you’ll rage quit. You may even be tempted to leave some social media sites, as I have.

Because after they’ve successfully derailed the conversation so that you’re spending your time presenting fact after fact instead of solutions, they’re going to disagree with you anyway. Either there’s some other factor that they think is at play (see #3) or the fact is “false” in some way.

I’ll give you another example: in the comments section of the type of article mentioned above (I really need to stop reading) where the derailment is usually taking place, you’ll find that apparently every piece of research you present is flawed in some way. Or you’re “twisting the statistics”. Because if they can’t find something wrong with your argument, then the last ditch attempt is to blame the news source for not being valid for some reason (although conveniently it is valid when they need it to be).

You may also get this gem thrown at you:

“But wait, you still haven’t addressed my point from 3 paragraphs ago.”

I mean, really? Do I have time to write you paragraph after paragraph when all you’re doing is taking one line out it to “debunk”?

#3 Blame

I am not going into too much of a rant about this, as I pretty much covered it in my previous article on the pay gap. But one sure thing that’s being done to derail is to not just deny the problem (see above), but also to admit there’s a problem, but that it’s women’s fault somehow and therefore it’s up to them to fix it.

Just to reiterate: it is not, and never will be, women’s fault that they are experiencing inequality in any facet of their lives. It’s not even up to us to fix it, but we’re sure as hell going to try. But how about everyone else stops trying to fix women when they’re not even the problem?

#4 Competing for attention

Have you noticed, that every time you (attempt) to discuss gender inequality, someone always emerges to say “but what about [insert anecdotal evidence]?”. They might say to you that they’re simply trying to understand the issue, but most of the time they’re not, trust me. I think I know that better than most people as I frequently (and mistakenly) get into these conversations with people, especially online. They ask these questions because while they’re getting you to justify your position (again), they’re keeping you talking/typing so that they can find a teeny tiny loophole in something you said to discredit not just the issue’s existence, but also feminism in general (side note: how come when one man rapes a woman he’s a top bloke who made a mistake but when a woman just wants equality all women are loudmouth misandrists?).

So why do they do this?

It’s simple: they don’t want to confront their views and the conditioning they’ve had (because we know gender inequality starts the moment we are born) because the idea that they could be wrong is just so frightening and uncomfortable to them that they’d rather find a way to clear their conscience (which has an unsurprisingly low threshold, obviously, such as you made a typo in your statement) or just ignore the issue completely. The only reason they can do this is because they often have the privilege of not having experienced the issues being spoken about, so it is easy for them to ignore their existence.

Well let me tell you: it’s not our job to give them a pat on the back for rocking up to the discussion. It’s easy for people who are reaping the benefits of privilege to sit back and say “I had a discussion, I did good” and then put it out of their mind, whilst continuing to reap those benefits. Don’t just show up to the party, actually do something more than the minimum.

These problems are even worse for people in other minorities, such as LGBTIQ people or Indigenous Australians, but I’m not one of them so I’m not going to speak for them. But just know that they’re fighting an even harder battle than a “normal” feminist. People just don’t seem to understand that they have to be decent human beings.

So why are we still having this discussion in 2017? Because people (ok let’s face it, straight white men) are scared. They are scared that their privileges are being taken away and they’re losing their power because of it. What I say to those men is “too bad”. Society will be better off when those people are in the minority.

One final thing, if you ever read ‘let me just play devil’s advocate’, close your computer. Just do it.

I’ll leave you with this amazingly awesome and appropriate quote:

When you’re accustomed to privilege equality feels like oppression.

Feminist in Law