We need to stop the assumption that bullying ends in childhood.

With adulthood come many new challenges. New jobs, new people, new surroundings. But along with these come even more opportunities for nastiness, passive-aggressiveness and scapegoating.

Last year, I moved into a brand new flat with three people I had found through an ad on Facebook. They already knew each other: James* and Megan* were in a relationship, whilst Anna* was Megan’s best friend. They were looking for a fourth person to fill the final room in a house they’d already signed for.

We met up for a drink before I agreed to anything. I wanted to be careful because I know how important it is to live with the right people. When I first moved to London, I moved into a flatshare with three people who were perfectly respectable flatmates, but we had nothing in common. I wanted to find my tribe.

At the pub, we got chatting and I felt like we hit it off straight away. We shared so many interests. Politics, music, TV shows — you name it. I called my boyfriend from the bathroom and told him excitedly: ‘they’re perfect!’

Six months later I was sat in my room, crying.

I had called the buzzer because my key had jammed in the door, as it sometimes would when it was freezing outside. My phone buzzed and I looked down at a text from Megan. It said: ‘Don’t ask us to let you in again. We are not your slaves.’

How did it come to this? I’d lived with people I hadn’t seen eye to eye with before. I’d had flatmates who made too much noise or who didn’t do their dishes. And I wasn’t perfect either: many years ago I had a party and one of my friends bled all over my flatmate’s sheets. But this was different. This was personal.

This was bullying.

It took a long time for me to realize that I was being bullied. I, like many others, didn’t realize that bullying was so common in adulthood. I thought that I was just a bad flatmate and that I was the problem. I felt an immense amount of guilt and shame and blamed myself whenever anything went wrong.

In reality, I was being ganged up on. I was responsible for everything that went wrong in the house. Food in the sink? Must have been me. Hair in the plughole? Also me. I was even blamed for dirtying the oven after I had turned it on for 10 minutes to preheat it, as James said that this ‘dispersed dirty particles of food and made it unclean’. He banned me from using his pots when I left them unwashed for half an hour whilst I had a shower. He left his own out for days. It was ridiculous.

It wasn’t long before it got personal.

I have struggled with mental health issues for most of my adult life, but they tend to wax and wane. When I first moved in I felt relatively stable, but after losing my job a few months later, I became incredibly depressed. One night Megan overheard me crying on the phone and arguing with my mum. Instead of asking if I was ok like she did when Anna was crying over a breakup the week before, she told me that I was being inconsiderate and disturbing her. I subsequently opened up to her about my mental illness, and she said that it didn’t excuse my ‘behavior’. I said that she was being ignorant.

She then blocked and deleted me on all forms of social media.

Despite this, she continued to bully me in the group chat with the others.

That was the thing. None of this was done in person. When I tried to talk things through and call a house meeting, James didn’t participate. Megan played the victim and refused to look me in the eye.

My friends weren’t allowed over either. I had to ask for permission for anyone to stay despite the others having parties regularly. This was because James didn’t want ‘strangers’ in the house.

As if their friends weren’t strangers to me.

When one of my friends finally did stay, she left her phone inside by accident and we couldn’t get back in. We banged on the door for half an hour. James walked around inside and ignored us.

That was the day my opinion changed. My friend gave me some perspective and told me that the this was bullying. They were excluding me and treating me like an Other.

Like I was less than them.

Initially, I thought that Anna didn’t want to be involved but in some ways, she was the worst of the lot. She was the stereotypical bystander, who would be nice to my face, but then talk about me behind my back. One time, a parcel for her arrived but she was still asleep. I’d just got out of the shower and couldn’t get dressed in time to answer the door. She told the others I’d ignored it on purpose to spite her.

Sometimes Megan would act incredibly friendly towards me and blame her past actions on James. She’d suddenly open up about the problems in their relationship and act like we were best friends. The next minute, she’d be back to calling me names.

It became too much and I announced I would be leaving the tenancy and finding a replacement. I was called selfish, inconsiderate and overly sensitive. I was accused of using my mental illness to ‘guilt people into doing things for me’, which wasn’t true at all. I’d only ever mentioned it once or twice to Megan, and never to James and Anna privately. Hypocritically, Megan excused James’ comments by explaining that he was depressed.

I decided to sublet my room to another girl for the last 3 months of the tenancy.

She left after two weeks as she said they were antisocial and rude.

I felt horrific amounts of guilt for putting her in that situation, but I couldn’t stay there any longer.

The last contact I had with Megan was when I got my deposit back. She apologized for the way she had treated me, but I told her I didn’t want any further contact. This time, I had to put myself first.

I’m sharing my story to highlight that bullying still continues as an adult and that if you feel like you are being singled out or ganged up on, there’s a good chance that you’re right. Bullying happens commonly in flatshares, friendship groups, and also in the workplace.

Bullying can rob us of our sanity and perceptions to the point where we are gaslighted. It is just as serious as other forms of abuse, and can severely affect our mental health causing us to become anxious, depressed, and too scared to leave our rooms. With the growing conversation on mental health, it is only right that we address the importance of interpersonal relationships and how they also affect it.

Remember, it’s still bullying even if it only happens online. In an age of social media, it’s not just children who need to be wary of keyboard warriors.

If you feel like you are being bullied, make sure you confide in a friend or family member who can help to give you confidential advice on the situation.

You could also talk to a counsellor, psychiatrist or your GP if it is affecting your health.

Alternatively, you could talk to your landlord about ways to end your contract early. If you are being bullied in the workplace, don’t be afraid of telling your boss, HR or other colleagues you trust. Most companies have zero tolerance policies for bullying and you shouldn’t feel bad for exposing someone who is severely impacting your quality of work.

I now live in a happy, friendly household with 5 other girls. We try our best to speak frankly and openly about any issues we have, and if tension arises, we stop using the group chat and speak about things in person.

It may take a while for bullying in adulthood to be taken as seriously as bullying in school playgrounds, but we need to start somewhere.

We need to spread awareness.