PHOTOGRAPH BY RAFE SWAN / GETTY

Draft 1: I had so much fun last night! You're great.

Draft 2: I had so much fun last night! You're great. I'm an alien.

Draft 3: Super-fun night! I want to be clear and let you know up front that I'm an alien and, while my kind are in the act of dismantling your planet, I'd love to just have a good time while I'm visiting.

Draft 4: Hey, last night was gr8! Just so we're clear, I'm an alien. I'm trying to aid in humanity's demise—it's sort of the family business. (I wanted to be a flautist, but what can you do?) Drinks tonight?

Draft 5: Hope this isn’t coming on too strong, but I honestly feel like I could fall for you. In the act of mating, I have a second layer of skin that puckers in a way that I think you'll find attractive. Do you like karaoke?

Draft 6: Hey, you! Just wanted to say that I really made an effort not to terrify you with my telekinetic abilities, but I feel terrible that I let you drop your ice cream! Can I apologize over dim sum? (Honestly, I would call off Earth's destruction JUST for dim sum. But my ex is the head of the Subcommittee For Planetary Rezoning, and reconnecting with him is one interdimensional pathway I don't want to go down.)

Draft 7: Are you DTF? By which I mean, Down to Fulfill the Destiny of Humankind by Disintegrating Tomorrow at Midnight When We Activate the Laser Beams? JK, your emotional preparedness is irrelevant. Just saying hey!

Draft 8: Thinking about you. And you're thinking about . . . how you didn't cry when your grandmother died but you did cry when your Internet went out in the middle of an episode of "Nashville”—yikes. Seems like a red flag. Hope it's O.K. that I'm reading your mind.

Draft 9: Hey, look, I'm super-insecure. You wouldn't know it from how girthy my antennae are, but it's true. I'm extremely sensitive, and scared to be vulnerable and tell you how much I like you. But here goes. I like you! Wow, that feels great. Gonna try to download your brain before the ray guns obliterate you. Joking, obviously! Gonna try to download the GOOD parts of your brain before the ray guns obliterate you.☺

FINAL DRAFT: u up?