Adventures in polyamorous OKCupid

(Wife) — Yeah, I’ve met this guy from the uni, and he says that somehow everyone he meets is from the same little college bubble…

(Me) — Wait. Is he a bearded vegan? Likes coffee?

— That describes about every guy in my matches, ever.

— …Point taken. But are we talking screen name X?

— Yup.

— Matched him too. Dating him tomorrow, actually.

Laughter.

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Message from empty-profile stranger: “Hi! do you two want to have a threesome?”

(Me) “Dunno, man, maybe? She’d have to know you better, you know, and me too, for that matter. Would you like to tell me more about yourself? What’s your story?”

No replies.

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Message from empty-profile stranger: “Hi”

(Me) “Hello. How are things? Would you like to talk?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I’d like to know more about you. Would you like to tell me your story?”

“Ask anything” full stop.

Breathe. Count to ten.

“Ok. How would you describe your personality in words? What are your intellectual interests and/or passions in life? Do you like reading? If so, what are the last five titles you tried, did you like them, and why? What made you want to contact me? Do you have any fetishes, and if so, what are the ones you’re most fond of? Art, science, or both? What’s your opinion on the French revolutionary calendar? Coffe or tea? If you were a pagan, what god or goddess would you worship? Do you have more pictures?”

No replies.

⁂

I’m about to leave the country for two months.

(Wife) — It’s funny. I’ll actually feel less “single” when you’re away.

(Me) — Naturally; there will be no one to help with things and hold the fort with the children, so you’ll have little free time. You’ll have to keep telling the ‘cupid suitors that you can’t meet them right now…

— I can’t decide if I should enjoy my last weekend with you, or enjoy my last free weekend.

— Why not both? We could spend an entire day together, and I can stay at home the other day, preparing my stuff while you hit the city.

Warm smiley frubbles.

⁂

It’s funnier to talk about the flunks; but overall our experience with OKCupid has been surprisingly fruitful.