Dear Spence,

When your singer, who goes by the name of Daniel David Spence on Facebook, first approached me on Facebook to become my "friend," I strongly considered accepting his request to friend me. After all, I work in digital marketing as a social media strategist, and I accept everyone who requests me -- the first time, at least. And, I mean, look at that profile picture -- it's almost like Pete Wentz reincarnated, and at the time you first requested me, Fall Out Boy was defunct.

I was missing the black hair dyed and flat-ironed look.

But, alas, I received two eerily similar Facebook messages from him in a row. This didn't seem like a genuine request for my precious friendship -- I smelled something that reeked of processed meat.

This wasn't a Facebook friendship made in heaven. I decided not to respond at all, since it seemed like Daniel David Spence was just adding me to spew band updates -- not because he really wanted to be my friend. :-(

But then, OMG, on March 1 this year, I got another message from Daniel David Spence! Did this mean he actually wanted to be my true, genuine Facebook friend this time?!

It pains me -- saddens me to no end -- that, no, he didn't:

By this point, I just had to respond. I mean, this Daniel David Spence was really vying for my friendship.

This is how your lead singer was going to end our "friendship"? By just writing me off, calling me an uptight twat, and then saying Arizona, the state that he's toured in oh-so-often, was nothing but meth-filled?

Ouch.

At this point, I sent over the contents of our conversation to some local promoters I know. Guess what? They didn't like it, and now you're on the 86 list of clubs in Los Angeles and Scottsdale. Sorry, bro!

I really was open to a friendship with Daniel David Spence and the rest of your bandmates, two of whom are now no longer listed as members on your Facebook page. Hope things are okay internally. But, suffice it to say, we're probably no longer going down that road now that Daniel David Spence has blocked me. I'm okay with that. Fall Out Boy is back together, after all. Love, Nicki

See also:

-Top 5 Punk Albums of 2012 -Why Nicki Minaj is the Most Annoying Person in Music Right Now

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