Fed up with the orgy of mindless violence and sewer-mouthed profanity that passes these days for your average family film? Scared to take your kids to the flicks in case they have to sit through naked cartoon animals and rude words like "ass"? Fear not! A variety of parental and religious websites have sprung up, telling you exactly what offensive material you will encounter. Which means innocently stumbling into a screening of Cannibal Holocaust II with little Johnny will be a thing of the past. It also means that pretty much every film ever made apart from Stuart Little is a no-go. So, can you guess the films from their warnings?

1 "The father of the family is often rude to his wife and children, yet usually ends up apologising, recognising his folly (to some degree), and echoing his wife's determination to maintain their marriage. However, he is physically abusive to his son (attempting to strangle him when he misbehaves), and lies when the police ask him if he dared his son to skateboard naked through their town (the son is briefly shown from the front, completely nude). References are made to bestiality (a man considers kissing a pig) and offensive comments are directed towards Christians, Buddhists and homosexuals. Two rude anatomical terms are used."

www.parentpreviews.com

2 "Some non-explicit, but sexually related dialogue is present, while sexual encounters occur off-screen (including the protagonist having sex with a man she hasn't known for long, and only days after breaking up with her boyfriend), some models are briefly seen in scanty attire, and varying amounts of cleavage are observed. A song had what sounded like several uses of 'hell' in it, but we weren't able to confirm that. Phrases include: 'My job sucks', 'A total psycho', 'The dragon lady', 'I'm one stomach flu away from my goal weight', 'Glamazon', 'You bet your size-six ass'. Some kids may be enticed to act in a snooty manner toward others."

www.screenit.com

3 "A home-made porn film is briefly and partially seen and heard, male full frontal and rear nudity is seen live and in photos, and other sexually related comedy (involving masturbation, homosexual behaviour, prostitutes) occurs. The overall way in which the protagonist speaks himself might be enticing for some kids to imitate. There are purposeful bad attitudes (racism, misogyny and more) played for comedy. Violence-based comedy is present (including a man-on-man nude battle over a magazine)."

www.screenit.com

4 "XXXX uses sweeping cinematography, absolute attention to detail, sensitive direction, and the sincere desire to paint a picture of what it really was like to be a man of homosexual tendencies in the early 1960s and on into the next 20 years, especially in the ultimate macho male environment embraced in cowboy and rodeo life. I'm not saying this isn't Oscar material. What I am saying is, this is not Christian material. It is filled with very homosexual images. Included are several scenes of men kissing each other passionately. These scenes are very realistic, and honestly left me with a sick feeling long after. The images are haunting, and spiritually dangerous for anyone who is not completely grounded in Scripture!"

www.christiananswers.net

5 "Comedy style violence includes scenes of fighting between people and some bears, while a dog is punted off a bridge (but is later okay). A woman states that a man's strong cologne smells like a diaper filled with Indian food, while another thinks it smells like 'Big Foot's d*ck' He also sucks liquor from a glass through his jazz flute and blows it from the instrument over a flame, causing a flamethrower effect."

www.screenit.com

6 "The creators do try to be 'equal-opportunity' offenders. They pick on both the conservatives and the liberals. I don't think there is anyone whom they haven't tried to offend. This film's story about terrorists begins with the group recruiting a Broadway actor. The deal is sealed when our handsome actor is offered the gift of a beautiful lady. The scene between these two is nothing short of puppet porn. This film gives crudeness a whole new definition. It is the MOST tasteless movie I have ever seen. Is there a law against 'puppet abuse'?"

www.christiananswers.net

7 "Profanity is extreme with 40 'f-words'. Sexual humour abounds and includes a scene of a man masturbating, others scenes of implied oral sex, and an extended scene dealing with a man who's got his privates stuck in his zipper. In other scenes, the 'villains' give a woman's dog amphetamines and barbiturates (at different times). Beyond doing that to the dog, it's also electrocuted (trying to revive it, but also catching it on fire) and wrestled with (in a slapstick fashion)."

www.screenit.com

8 "There's been a lot of discussion about this series growing darker, and certainly in tone and mood this film fulfils that prophecy. The death of a character is discussed, and we see a bloodied face in a few quick flashbacks. All other violence is through magic manipulation and people being 'shocked' or knocked over by metaphysical forces. Sexual content is limited to a single (highly publicised) kiss. Parents sensitive to depictions of occult and satanic-like themes may not find this film suitable for their children."

www.parentpreviews.com

9 "Despite the attempt at realism, the film falls short when it comes to consequences. Rising from a virtual unknown to the pinnacle of popularity, XXXX crashes into the depths of scandal when she is accused of pushing a girl in front of a bus. Although she has snubbed her real friends, lied to her peers and falsely accused a teacher of drug trafficking, her return to acceptance is surprisingly simple. Money, good looks and the power of popularity shouldn't prevent these girls from paying for their actions. However they do seem to contribute to a short-lived fall from grace. Tackling the topic of teenage trauma is a worthy undertaking, but the finale of this film comes off a bit too glossy and lighthearted."

www.parentpreviews.com

10 "There is a lot of fighting and death throughout the film, including a bear's jaw being completely ripped off, not to mention one character's attempt to kill her own mother. There are a number of twisted biblical references and a play on biblical names. There is some immodesty and sensuality seen in one character, who is shown always wearing form-fitting, 30s-inspired dresses. The final books [in the trilogy], though, are the ones that cover [the author's] horrific view of God, and Christianity as a whole. Pray for [the author]. Pray about the negative influence of his works. And pray for humility and wisdom in your own response. [The author] is a man who, somewhere along the way, has fallen into a perilous pit of treachery."

www.christiananswers.net

11 "Some wooden puppets wear plumber's pants, exposing painted bottom cleavage. A female dragon falls in love with a donkey. We see a gingerbread cookie shaped like a man being tortured by being dunked into a glass of milk. An ogre showers with mud, jumps into a pond and passes gas (we see bubbles emerging from the water, and we see his relieved look and dead fish float to the surface)." www.kids-in-mind.com



12 "A boy has sex with a pie (we see the bottom of his bare buttocks as he thrusts into the pastry). A boy is about to begin masturbating, but all we see is his sock-clad erection. A father shows pornographic magazines to his son and comments on what is shown in the photos (which we can't see)."

www.kids-in-mind.com

13 "Some very strong violence includes a young girl falling into water and severe wartime violence as the British troops try to make it out of France at Dunkirk during World War II. There's a very provocative unmarried sex scene and a chocolate mogul fornicates with an underage girl... the Gospel seems to have little [impact] on these people's lives."

www.movieguide.org

14 "People are cruel and insulting about a teenage girl's weight, a woman's weight, the size of a teenage girl's nose, etc, in many scenes. Teenage boys and girls dance with suggestive hip movements and one thrusts her hips and smacks herself on the buttock and says, 'I'm a bad girl and must be punished.' A woman sings about having had sex with judges to win a competition and in a later scene refers to risking communicable diseases."

www.kids-in-mind.com

15 "This new XXXX film presents a slightly different tone, with a more serious plotline and less gratuitous sexuality. However, concerning content still prevails with many scenes of hand-to-hand combat, people being shot and a naked man subjected to torture (it's implied his testicles are the target of the attack - no explicit nudity is seen). Perilous stunts are shown throughout. The main character is shown consuming fancy alcoholic drinks and usually drives in a reckless manner."

www.parentpreviews.com

Answers: 1. The Simpsons Movie 2. The Devil Wears Prada 3. Borat 4. Brokeback Mountain 5. Anchorman 6. Team America: World Police 7. There's Something About Mary 8. Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix 9. Mean Girls 10. The Golden Compass 11. Shrek 12. American Pie 13. Atonement 14. Hairspray 15. Casino Royale