Continue Reading Below Advertisement

Related:

Advertising scientists have found that the later you stay up to watch TV, the more useless your penis is. Check amongst yourselves. The problem is, late at night is whenBloodsport comes on. And I was raised right, so I watch Bloodsport. I've seen so many boner pill commercials that I know over 300 coy visual metaphors for putting your dick into women. For example, "Hot dog killing a mannequin." Less useful than that, I've also developed sympathy for the poor Enzyte mascot, Bob. Mangled by pharmaceutical enhancement and hiding behind a grin, he longs for the normal life he can no longer have. This is his story. In...