Nobody died. That was the big news from Winterfell, the first episode of Game of Thrones’ final series. But don’t be disappointed, because deaths are definitely coming. If this week’s episode set up anything at all, it’s the absolute death match that is certainly going to happen before the finale.

Barely anyone is going to make it out of Game of Thrones alive, and as of right now I think I’ve got a good idea who’s going to kill them. Note: these only count as spoilers if they’re right, so you’re probably safe.

Daenerys Targaryen

Until recently, it looked as if Daenerys was going to win Game of Thrones. From her very first scene, she’s been seen as a conqueror and a ruler, and the true heir to the Iron Throne. However, her time in Westeros has been speckled with dissent. Sansa looks upon her with disdain. Davos has warned her of Winterfell’s stubbornness and – most importantly – Samwell Tarly has just learned that she murdered his family. Everyone is out to get her, and it doesn’t look good.

She will be killed by: Sam, who clonks her on the head with a big book.

Jon Snow

Their days are numbered ... Jon and Dany. Photograph: HBO

Jon’s triumphant return to Winterfell was again marked by dissent in the ranks, still smarting from his decision to desert the post of King in the North. It’s not currently known how immortal Jon actually is any more. But if he isn’t, his days might be numbered.

He will be killed by: Lyanna Mormont, the angriest tween in the Seven Kingdoms.

Arya Stark

Arya’s kill list still has plenty of names on it, any one of whom could feasibly turn the tables and kill her first. It won’t be Cersei, because she’s too busy longing for elephants. It won’t be The Hound, because there was real affection in the way he called her a ‘bitch’ this week. Who does that leave?

She will be killed by: The Mountain, just to give that poor actor something to do.

Bran Stark

Who’s going to kill Captain Buzzkill from Dickhead Castle? Anyone, quite frankly. And that’d be fine. Bran even managed to alienate Jon, turning what should have been a loving reunion into a simpering, wet-mouthed, creepy awkwardfest. Bran probably has a big part to play in defeating the Night King, but after that hopefully someone will do the decent thing and finish him off.

He will be killed by: Jaime Lannister, who’ll take him back up to the tower and do the job properly to the delight of millions.

Cersei Lannister

Will cirrhosis be the death of her? Cersei Lannister. Photograph: HBO/Helen Sloan

Everyone wants Cersei dead at this point. Discounting the White Walkers, she’s arguably been Game of Thrones’ biggest villain so far, and her fate seems sealed. However, she’s currently stranded in the south while the rest of the cast faces its fate in the north, so there aren’t that many people left who could kill her. So just for fun, let’s say she will be killed by: cirrhosis.

Jaime Lannister

If I’m wrong about Bran, and I probably am, then let’s propose a reversal. The look of grim vengeance on Bran’s face as he ambushed Jaime at the end of the last episode makes me worry for Lannister. Bran might be the most annoying character in Game of Thrones history, but he’s also a powerful one.

He will be killed by: Bran, who’ll warg himself into Jaime’s gold hand and punch himself to death.

Euron Greyjoy

At the moment, Euron is Game of Thrones’ pantomime baddie. He hasn’t had much to do on the show so far, and it would be too much of a gear change to make him significant now, so that only means one thing.

He will be killed by: himself, after giving himself syphilis somehow.

The Night King

It would be very Game of Thrones to have the Night King kill everybody and end the series with him laughing on top a pile of bodies. However, I can’t quite see this being the case. Especially after the events of Hardhome, there can only really be one person to kill him.

He will be killed by: Jon Snow.

Tyrion Lannister

And that just leaves Tyrion Lannister, who absolutely will not die. He hasn’t died this far and – even though Bronn has been hired to shoot him with a crossbow – he won’t die at all. He’ll be the last person standing in Westeros, and he’ll rule whatever’s left of the Seven Kingdoms until he dies in a paragliding accident during the end credits.

He will be killed by: nobody.