There is a famous story of the Jewish Mother and the Guru.

She knocks on the monastery door, desperate to see the guru. Finally a monk answers, and she asks to see the guru. The monk allows her in, accompanies her through the monastery, and opens the shrine-room door to reveal a guru seated on a golden platform beside it. He will allow her to utter only five words to the guru. Parking her shoes, she ascends the long staircase to the golden throne, puts down her shopping bags, looks the guru in the eye and says: “Nu, Sheldon, come home already.”