STUPID people are not transformed into geniuses by eating oily food, it has emerged.

As it emerged that Omega-3 may not have the mental benefits previously assumed, idiots confirmed that eating a special diet had not made them any cleverer.

Stupid person Emma Bradford said: “I was so thick that ITV2 programmes often went over my head. Then I started eating a special brain-boosting diet, with lots of fish because that is rich in Defcon-3 or whatever it’s called.

“The results have been underwhelming and I still often think domestic cats are baby tigers.”

Neurologist Roy Hobbs said: “The greatest minds in history had terrible diets. Isaac Newton lived on cheese and port, Einstein just ate whatever stale scraps were lying around his laboratory and washed them down with beakerfuls of flat Vimto.

“And Stephen Fry exists entirely on Ginster’s pasties that he warms up in his microwave so that they go a bit soft.

“Basically, if you’re not very bright that’s kind of it really. Sorry.”