Honestly, I’m speechless. Seriously. Incredible. Upworthy. Like if you think this Santa deserves a million Elves!

It all started when I wrote a terribly ridiculous diatribe on my profile about how I don’t even run and how I’m a hulking, weird, bodybuilding queer boi with depressive tendencies and a spare tire that I’ve been killing off for the better part of a year. In comes Santa with GIFs, questions, and laser-fast shipping as well as a two-part gift, one part of which I was not allowed to open as they were in tandem.

Santa, knowing my lust for supplements, brain food, coffee snobbery (Aeropress + ROK for life!) and general feel-good stuff for being better, got me two amazing gifts to bulletproof my day- upgraded coffee and brain octane oil, both of which kickstart the day better than an SSRI, make me feel more awesome than Jesus, and don’t add any excess carbs, sugars, or bad fats to my diet, which is obnoxiously high in proteins and allows me to use this while maintaining my obnoxious bodybuilder hypertrophy lifestyle. And I'm no stranger to the merits of Bulletproof- their whey is absolutely amazing, so I've no doubt their coffee and oil will make me feel like a rock star.

This is one of the most thoughtful gifts I’ve ever received. My Santa was in touch the whole time, taunting/reassuring/giffing/conversing/chatting/and generally pumping me up for this. I’ve been wrenching myself out of my second year of law school, a bad bout of body woes, anxiety, and general malaise, and knowing that someone is rooting for me and my physical and mental health makes me want to work my ass off just that much more. Santa, you’ve helped me dodge a bullet by making me bulletproof. Thanks.

Also, as you can see, my cat was in cahoots the whole time.

For your amusement, the GIFs we communicated with: http://www.myfacewhen.net/uploads/3380-excellent-raccoon.png http://www.myfacewhen.net/view/517-challenge-accepted http://25.media.tumblr.com/68bcd13c0d2f0280e758369793f6f67d/tumblr_mt8w6rKVue1rfxs0mo1_500.gif http://giphy.com/gifs/surprise-vZ54tUZxONZKM http://i.imgur.com/02Xco9M.gif http://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr02/2012/12/15/17/anigif_enhanced-buzz-1752-1355608858-2.gif http://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr02/2012/12/17/11/anigif_enhanced-buzz-31689-1355761210-14.gif https://s3.amazonaws.com/giphygifs/media/8HxELmTgWySR2/200.gif http://mashable.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/happy-jello.gif http://mashable.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Inglorious-Bastards.gif http://content.ytmnd.com/content/d/6/1/d6144582a51eb697ecfa7577d2a35736.gif http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/2013/10/Chris-Rock-HUH-WTF.gif http://31.media.tumblr.com/a4f4dfc9d1efdaa9bf5344c429a79df0/tumblr_inline_mowtngMy6a1qz4rgp.gif http://giphy.com/gifs/muppets-reaction-weird-FwpecpDvcu7vO http://img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130317061455/glee/images/1/19/Duh.gif http://giphy.com/gifs/smoking-deal-with-it-thumbs-up-XBPUqKYtNokZW

Santa, you're an American pearl.