“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” ~ Napoleon Hill

In a digital age of Smartphone texting and Twittering sound bytes, do we have the time to pause—even for a nanosecond—to consider the possible repercussions of what we say?

Hardly.

So how do we express the essential, dispense with the fluff, and ultimately leave all interlocutors in the thread unharmed and whole?

Here’s what helps me:

I use the five prong T.H.I.N.K. acronym—no, not in rapid-fire texting; but in exchanges or thoughtful dialogues that warrant a little more care and consideration.

And this is my take on the acronym:

T – Here we are asked to consider whether what we have to say is true.

Even in rapid-fire communication, it shouldn’t require a judge and jury to determine – as far as we are aware and to the best of our knowledge – the veracity of our assertions. Honesty in communication, especially between intimate companions and partners is imperative if the relationship is to endure and flourish, instead of festering under the guise of phoniness and subterfuge. Dishonesty or any embellishment (or spin) on the truth could, and in most cases does, come back to bite us. And boy can it hurt!

And the reason for that: intentional fabrication of the truth is an ego-driven impulse that ruptures our consciousness and moral integrity. And such a rupture in consciousness serves only to thwart our spiritual growth and screw with the consciousness energy of those with whom we are in relationship. Every word and thought is vibrational energy. In time, we invariably reap what we sow.

In the end, as the fella says, honesty is the best policy.

H – Is what we are about to say/write helpful?

I find this one somewhat trickier. Many statements we make are simply factual. They are not intended to be either helpful or unhelpful. That said, if the communication piece in question is of the more thoughtful kind, perhaps a pause moment to consider the helpfulness component of what we are about to say is worth a few extra seconds of our time.

Moreover, if the statement is “helpfully neutral,” is it important factually or just fluff? If it’s the latter, perhaps we could dispense with it and move on. Again, whether something is helpful or not should (for the most part) be fairly obvious to us smart earthlings! Consequently, a quick and informed decision on this one normally comes easily.

When my dad, at the age of 67, was diagnosed with lung cancer, we (not he) were told by the medical personnel that he had about two months to live. I was 17 at the time with one older and one younger sister. My mother was devastated and bereft. We nursed him at home for five weeks with the help of night nurses, until we could no longer manage his care. He spent the final week of his life in the local general hospital.

Throughout those six weeks, he was visited by family, relatives, and one very attentive pastor. But no one ever disclosed to him that he was dying. We believed he knew the prognosis of his condition long before he passed and had resigned himself spiritually to this time of transition in his life. It was not a question of ignoring the elephant in the room, but rather one of gently listening to the voice of his spirit.

A moment of quiet, collective thought can reveal, in most cases, the helpfulness degree of what we choose to communicate.

I – Inspiring?

Okay, this is the one I find somewhat lame. Why? Because, even in our more focused, reflective exchanges – phone calls, emails or Facebook messages – trying to weigh the inspirational content of what we communicate is, at least for me, a bit of a stretch. Not easy to do in the spur of the moment. Sure, we have our intermittent moments of communicating, spontaneously or otherwise, wee gems of inspiration, but they are the exception.

It’s okay not to be inspirational in most of what we have to say! It’s just fine to be honest, clear, respectful and genial. We’re not meant to be White House speechwriters or medieval bards when we speak! So my take on this one is: use it sparingly and, for the most part, chill.

N – Here we are asked to consider whether or not what we communicate is necessary?

As Plato once said, “Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something.” It’s one thing to communicate what is essential in a conversation; it’s quite another to include allegations, expletives, gossip and character assassination, just to fuel an animated exchange.

Not cool.

If our allegations, judgment, gossip, and embellishment contribute nothing to what needs to be communicated, then “zip it,” period. Not only in terms of communicating the essentials in a dialogue but in keeping the exchange pure, authentic and free from ego-infestation.

As implied in Plato’s wise words, we so often play the fool in conversations. We reduce them to fluff, compulsive exchanges. And that is one of the banal components of social networks like Facebook. Yes, I get the fun, fluff, comical, light relief. Let’s stay in touch with our buddies aspect of it all; I indulge in it myself – but sparingly. I mean, if I have a glass of Merlot with my dinner tonight or if my cat gets stuck in the chimney, who really gives a rat’s ass?

Come on, people . . .

A little fluff here and there okay, but let’s cut to the chase.

K – Kind?

Along with the necessary component above, this – for me – is the most important attribute in any authentic conversation. If what we have to say, apart from the factual content, is not communicated in a spirit of kindness, or if what we say prompts an unkind response or judgment on the part of our respondent, then perhaps it is best left unsaid.

Kindness is a loving energy and, when shared with purity of intent, it is contagious and self-perpetuating. Just as lying rebounds to bite us, words spoken in kindness – naturally – return not to bite but to bless us time and time again.

For what it’s worth, this is how the T.H.I.N.K conversation toolkit helps me.

Given that we think faster than the speed of light and rely daily on our digital gadgets for communication, it behooves us to draw on some kind of personal guidelines, if we want our relationships to endure and flourish.

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