Iris is narrating?!

“We’ve forgotten what miracles look like…our lives have become ordinary.”

Speak for herself, my life is pretty prettay extraordinary. I got 2 bags of chips from a vending machine after only putting in a dollar! That has to be the best feeling in the world.

It takes me about 3 edits before I post anything and I still miss a ton of errors, but she submits her narration post instantly.

“Thank you.”

I too say my last line before posting something.



Barry meets Iris on the rooftop again. I’m sure he used his super speed to read her article, but it was barely a paragraph, I can read it that fast too. Iris rejects her phone call from Eddie to talk to him, someone has a Spiderman like crush on the Streak. I’d say the Streak’s favorite color is more of a scarlet than a red.

Iris – “What should I call you?”

The Streak – “Anything but the Streak.”

How about the Scarlet Speedster?

Iris – “Wait you just can’t leave me up here!”

I mean he moves her downstairs, but she couldn’t walk down herself? Why can’t he leave her up on the roof?

Bad guy steals a yellow Humvee so we know he’s an asshole. Yeah, that kid deserves to die if he J-walks with headphones on, natural selection. Detective Dbag almost gets run over by the yellow Humvee as well, but Joe saves him. How come the Flash didn’t save Eddie?

Looks like we’ll be getting a speed vs strength episode, with Evil Colossus as the villain. As soon as he rips the car door off its hinges Barry should have run away. Bad guy wears a wife beater so we know he’s an asshole. I feel like Barry gets beat up all the time, does he forget he has SUPER SPEED during fights? Dodge buddy!

Evil Colossus – “Looks like you were born to take a beating.”

Weird, I thought he was born to run.

Lab nerds calculate how much bugs Barry eats on average, good thing his fireman suit doesn’t cover his mouth. He should look into investing in goggles too as bugs are just as likely to fly in his eyes. Barry somehow got a concussion after getting punched in the stomach…that must have been one helluva punch. Barry should have called the lab nerds so they couldn’t have help him during the fight earlier.

Dr. Wheels – “Interesting, a man of steel.”

The word play on this show is amazing. Everyone thinks Dr. Wheels is evil, but maybe he’s just been Clark Kent this whole time. Both characters wear glasses unnecessarily, it’s totally possible.

Barry can recover from any injury, but he can’t regrow his teeth. That’s the one ability where Toothman outshines the Flash…there is no Toothman, I don’t why I included this joke.

An Asian lady in a grey suit picks up her phone and walks down the stairs every time we cut to the Central City police station. Try not noticing that in later viewings.

Joe – “The particle accelerator is the gift that keeps on giving.”

And Tuesday nights at 8 is Christmas.

Evil Colossus turns out to be a bully from Barry’s past. How Barry didn’t recognize him is beyond me, but this time it’s personal.

Flashback

More young Barry, no! Young Colossus hears young Barry and Iris’s conversation when he clearly wasn’t anywhere near them. Young Colossus had braces, that must be how he got his metal powers!

Detective Dbag– “I fired a dozen rounds at the car thief, but it didn’t kill him.”

Do cops usually unload their guns on car thieves?

His relationship with Iris isn’t going so well when she has a Mary Jane and Spiderman like crush going on.



Level 600? How many floors does STAR Labs have?

Father Cop goes to STAR Labs to talk with Dr. Wheels about the night Mrs. Allen was murdered.

The lab nerds talk about their childhood bullies, but neither of them became meta humans so who cares. Couldn’t Barry just do a million push ups at super speed to get stronger? I thought lightning gave Barry abs, how much more strength could he possible need? Comic Relief invented this metal fighting dummy instead of making Barry some weapon similar to the freeze ray he invented 2 episodes ago. He also says they’re going to train him karate kid style yet Barry does not wax the car or paint the fence in the next scene. Dr. Snow tells Barry that visiting Iris in disguise is a little silly and creepy. She’s right, but she should make fun of his voice too.

Detective Dbag – “Allen, you really need to get a car.”

Looks like this Humvee is up for grabs!

Barry – “I usually manage on foot okay.”

Keep these speed puns coming writers, gold.

Metal skin apparently means super strength as well. Okay.

I feel like I unfairly named Detective Dbag, but I can’t think of a good replacement nickname. I’m sure it’ll come to me later. Eddie is the only other person in the world that doesn’t notice Barry is in love with Iris. He’s also the only main character besides her that doesn’t know Barry is the Flash. Coincidence? I think we found our two dumbest characters.

Flashback



We know that this is a flashback because Joe’s got that stylish hat again! And it’s yellow outside. Iris was in gloves since she was six, what is she like 7 now? Young Iris beats up young Barry, just for that she moves ahead of future Iris in likability for me.

Dr. Wheels and Father Cop wait another day before talking about the murder case. Dr. Wheels doesn’t think that someone with super abilities killed Barry’s mom, making him more suspicious. Father Cop, like most fans, thinks that Dr. Wheels may be Mrs. Allen’s murderer. Father Detective is actually a good detective.

Clearly suspicious coworker decides to run instead of deny everything, this certainly speeds the plot so I can’t complain about stupidity. Barry runs ahead to cut them off only to get punched in the face in slow motion. Apparently Colossus Bully fell into molten scrap metal during the particle accelerator accident and now he has metal powers and super strength. I still like my braces theory, but maybe that’s just how Toothman got his powers. Eddie still arrests this guy because…he ran?

Iris’s cute coworker asks where her shadow is. This scene tells us just how bad a friend Iris is for not setting Barry up with this cutie. I thought Dr. Snow would be a potential love interest, but it looks like we’ll only get this unrequited love between Barry and Iris for the first season. Colossus Bully finds Iris because he read her blog and she may know who the Streak is. He doesn’t look like a guy who reads often, maybe one of his friends told him about her blog? He doesn’t look like a guy with too many friends either. Does Iris provide her name and work address on her blog?

Colossus Bully – “I got to say Iris you look amazing.”

Took the words right out of my mouth.

This guy should take her to the gun show if he really wanted to impress her. Maybe Iris will realize how stupid her blog is after this episode, but I doubt it.

Iris – “Do you want a drink.”

Colossus Bully – “Actually I prefer to buy you a drink.”

This guy is as smooth as shiny metal skin.

Iris blatantly drops hints her boyfriend and father are cops, which is a pretty clever way to intimidate him, but then he takes her phone and smashes it.

At least he leaves her a big tip…and her broken phone. This guy is so thoughtful. Now that her phone’s destroyed she can’t borrow her friend’s phone to call 911? I don’t know if anyone noticed, but the tip jar says “feeling tipsy,” I would never tip at this place.

Who could have predicted the now abandoned brewery he used to work at during the particle accelerator accident would be his hideout! Iris makes perhaps the stupidest move she’s done all season, which is saying a lot, by announcing to the world she knows and can meet with the Streak. Do they always have to meet at night? Iris doesn’t provide any new information for Barry. The cops that come to pick her up don’t see Iris talking to a strange man in a scarlet jumpsuit…

The big metal man is able to sneak up on the man with super speed. Colossus Bully throws a heavy bookshelf of kegs on Barry and leaves before confirming he’s dead… The only reason this guy doesn’t finish Barry off is because he’s an idiot.

The lab nerds rescue Barry pretty fast for people without super speed as it only takes one commercial break.

Lab Nerds – “Say something to so we know you’re okay.”

Barry – “Ow, I’m not okay.”

Paradox.

Dr. Wheels – “You can’t heal when you’re dead.”

Do we know for sure though?

They analyze the metal they found in Colossus Bully’s footprint…did metal fall off his foot? Does this guy have metal athletes foot because otherwise I’m not sure how they did this? Their scientific conclusion is for Barry to hit him really really fast. It’s like all the answers in this show are “he should have been faster.” Barry would need to go 837 mph to hurt Colossus Bully, but why not just hit him in his nonmetal form? I do like the prospect of a sonic boom punch though.

Barry – “I’ve never gone that fast.”

But I’d bet anything he was thinking about going that fast.

Dr. Wheels – “Yet.“

He would need to get a 5.3-mile wind up, but what would that be in kilometers? If he could just find one of the dozens of Fast and Furious runways he used before then I think he’ll be okay.

Dr. Snow – “Do it wrong and you’ll shatter every bone in your body.”

Did he fall off a rollercoaster during a cheerleading competition? I’m just saying it can happen…. my cousin Ray-Ray. Boop, dead.

Eddie – “I need to blow off some steam, I need to hit something.”

Those don’t sound like the ramblings of an abusive husband at all.

Joe – “I don’t think he meant you, go.”

Father Cop everybody!

So they can just hang a sand bag in his lab? Hopefully his coworkers don’t mind.

Eddie – “I had my fair share of bullies.”

Looks like every character had bully problems in school.

His gym coach gives him advice on handling bullies…his gym coach? Not gym teacher? What does a gym coach coach? The gym team?

Eddie – “All it takes is one punch.”

“Just pretend you’re punching 6 inches passed the target.”

It’s almost like Eddie is asking to be punched in the face.

Barry gets angry and uses his super speed to break the sandbag. I feel like this punch would be capable of beating Colossus Bully, but go big or go home.

My two favorite characters get a drink together.

Dr. Wheels – “Evolutionary leaps follow the creation of new technologies.”

Neeerd.

Joe – “Like the Roomba?”

Like I prefer my steak cooked, a rare bad line from Joe. Come on writers, Joe’s better than this.

Father Cop – “Could there have been another particle accelerator 14 years ago that caused meta humans back then?”

Father Detective is on the case and it looks like he’s found his prime suspect.

Dr. Wheels – (He’s getting close!) “I find that extremely unlikely detective.”

Father Cop –“When did you move to town Dr. Wells?”

In the future?!

“You opened your lab a month after her murder, can you tell me what you were doing in the city before that?”

Dr. Wheels – “Uh, mostly building my lab, a lot of work goes into opening a lab, have you seen how big that place is? It has over 600 levels.”

That’s what he should have said.

Dr. Wheels – “I was starting over. Tess Morgan, look her up.”

If you don’t want to be spoiled, Tess Morgan, don’t look her up.

Looks like that blog got Iris in trouble as Colossus Bully kidnaps her, who could have predicted this?!

Eddie – “Nice Allen, but you could still work on your speed.”

Hehehe. I feel like half of Eddie’s lines are set ups for speed puns or speed puns.

The two are notified that Iris has been kidnapped. Somehow Joe isn’t the first one notified and Barry tells him shortly after.



Iris – “So what’s the plan here Tony, finally gonna go for that GED?”

There’s that Father Cop wit she inherited.

Colossus Bully brings Iris back to their elementary school just in case we forget he used to bully Barry as a kid. At first I thought he captured Iris to lure Barry into a trap, but he just captured her so she would write about him in her blog, that doesn’t sound evil at all. That’s stupidly endearing.

Colossus Bully – “First I’m going to take over this elementary school, then the world!”

He used to be king of this elementary school, some kids peak really early. I remember a time in kindergarten where I was the best at scissors, now I’m unemployed and writing a blog. I peaked too early! I think Colossus Bully was always picking on Barry because he had a crush on Iris. That’s adorable, not evil. Iris doesn’t run away from the guy who doesn’t have super speed or a weapon.

Barry saves Iris, smart!, but only places her a couple of feet away from Colossus Bully. Maybe take her a little further? It’d only take like half a second.

Barry – “Too slow tin man.”

In the beginning of the fight it looks like Barry is playing with him, whip out that sand bag punch and the fight could have ended.

“I’ve known guys like you, I bet you used to pick on kids like Barry Allen when we all went to elementary school together, well he’s an important forensic scientist now!”

I may have exaggerated that last line, but he pretty much says this. How neither of those other two dumbos figure out Barry’s secret identity I’ll never know. And who holds a grudge on an elementary school bully?! Get over it Barry. I feel like dropping the flagpole could have solved most of Barry’s problems in this fight.

I didn’t think Barry left Iris there with Colossus Bully, but how funny would it be if he actually did run away? He just leaves her there.

Colossus Bully – “There goes your hero.”

Let’s watch him as he goes.

He’s running away for the super sonic punch! I’m not sure how Barry knew he was exactly 5.3 miles away, but okay. After all that build up I was expecting a bigger sonic boom, but he just ends up wrecking a bunch of car and apartment windows for a punch that doesn’t even finish Colossus Bully off! I felt Barry used all the energy from the sonic boom to break down the school doors. If Barry punched him a little further Colossus Bully would have crushed Iris, another reason why Barry should have moved her further away. I’m glad she finishes him off and it looks like her punch > sonic boom punch.

Barry starts acting really tough now that Colossus Bully is locked in that jail cell. Another person knows his secret identity, I think it’s up to 7 now. Why even wear a mask at this point? If he doesn’t stay in the pipeline for life Barry will have an enemy that knows he secret identity and a legitimate grudge against him.

Barry – “I became fast enough to beat you.”

Woah there, Iris beat him, you still weren’t fast enough buddy.

Comic Relief – “All I want to know is which childhood bully are we going to take down next?”

Comic Relief making a funny comic relief remark for once.

Tess Morgan was Dr. Wheel’s wife, but she’s dead now. She was what he had lost and in the previous episode he said he would do anything to get back what he lost. Joe tells his top suspect that he’ll never give up until he catches his man. Not smart Father Detective.

Iris – “Oh I thought you were someone else.”

Hehehe.

She doesn’t have a broken hand, but she should totally have a broken hand. Looks like their friendship hiatus couldn’t even last one episode. Barry waited for his hand to heal before coming to visit her, smart. Iris talks about a guy who sounds like the Human Torch, but he’s Marvel and not DC. I’m sure we’ll eventually meet this guy. I think Barry’s only goal when he came to visit Iris was to make sure she started calling him the Flash in her blog. It’s like he birthed himself.

Iris narrates the ending – “And something tells me it’s gonna catch on.”

That’s what Barry said in the pilot, cute. She has a 1000 more followers than me…it’s all about quality followers though and mine are the best. 😉

Looks like we didn’t get an episode ending Dr.Wheels scene, or did we?! Joe is looking at evidence in his house when Reverse Flash some ball of lightning comes and steals all the evidence. If Joe dies I’d be really upset, literally I’d be okay with any other character dying. Barry dies? The Joe West show! At this point it seems too obvious that Dr. Wheels is Reverse Flash that I’m hoping the writers are pulling a red herring here. I mean he did stab a guy back in episode 2, so it’d be a pretty miraculous turnaround if Wells was not bad guy. Then again if he was evil, why didn’t he take out General Krabs last episode? Why would he attack Joe right after Joe crosses his name out?