“Badger, I hear a lot of people trying to tell us men what a ‘real man’ is. Their definitions are all conflicting, so what is a ‘real man’?”

I’ve noticed that there is a difference between those who stand up for and support men and those who think that men are lacking. The basis of this is the “real man” dogma, complete with the “man up” mantra. Society has pushed this onto men, and it has been promoted by gynocentrism, feminism, and all other anti-male agendas. Anti-male includes the lack of receptivity to who men are in being.

An example of this is the push that a “real man” must have a certain job, lots of cash, and look like a bodybuilder. Now, there’s nothing wrong with men who actually are all that—I’m not shaming them here—but there is something wrong with saying that there is only one type of man who is acceptable and using this type of man to compare every other man against and if they don’t measure up, well, then they are nothing. Men are individuals—god, I know I’m sick of reading myself saying it too, but the reality is we live in a world where we STILL need to say this—and as individuals, men have their own desires, needs, wants, dreams, hopes, and personal fulfillment. And yet society does not focus on what men want. No. From a young age, men are told they must provide. Again, if this is an individual choice, there’s nothing wrong with that—to each their own—but we do not live in a society in which a man’s personal choice is often supported.

“Real man” memes flood the Internet, and the dogma is spread far and wide across mainstream media.

Here are a few examples:

These two examples promote the “real man” dogma using two of the greatest shaming tactics. They mix masculinity and manhood with violence, rape, and pedophilia. The focus of the “real man” dogma is to put forward what society and feminists say men should aspire to. These two photos show just how lowly society and feminists think of men that they must “aspire” to not be rapists and pedophiles. As if men are devious creatures of muck who must be told to not be horrific. This, of course, is NOT true. Men are beautiful just as they are and are amazing beings who are loving, loved, and lovable. However, with campaigns such as these, the inability to receive men in their beauty of now is morphed into a shaming campaign. What happened with the above is that dysfunctional people—and, YES, that includes celebrities, they have blood just like everyone else and absolutely can be dysfunctional—gathered and were supported by an ideology that feels it’s entitled to men, that men are the property of society. Dysfunction upon dysfunction bathing in dysfunction and fueled by money all to dump onto men. No, men do not need to be told not to rape or be pedophiles—and to place it in the context of what society, feminists, and gynocentric special snowflakes say men must aspire to just reflects how sick these people are in their inability to see men as human beings.

Ugh, this crap. Men walking a mile in high heels because why? Because walking around in high heels makes them “real men” because feminists say so. And men must walk in heels in pain—because that’s what that is, a mile in heels is pure pain—to prostrate themselves for the forgiveness of the almighty female for daring to be male. Because in the land of feminism and gynocentrism, violence, sexual assault, and rape only happen to women, and female victims are the only ones who matter. All men must pay, and all women must benefit from the payment of men. If they do not stand up and end violence across the planet for women while ignoring their own pain and suffering, they are not “real men.” They must “man up,” put on some heels, and do as they are told. Hey, I have no problem with men in heels, I don’t. However, when it’s mixed with shaming men and used to say that women must be treated right—aka groveled at the feet of—then, yes, I take issue with this nonsense.

Again, another standard to force on men. Again, each individual has his or her own preference and therefore … wait for it … so does each man. TADA! Not every man has to find overweight women attractive, and I’ve seen overweight women shame thin women out of jealousy—total hypocrisy! “Only I’m attractive! I must be the only one you find attractive! And if you don’t, you are not a real man!” This is just gross. There are men who like overweight women, such as BBW (Big Beautiful Women, they call themselves), and that is their choice. There are men who do not like overweight women, they like athletic women; some like thin women; some like tall women; short, blondes, redheads, brunettes … you get the point. Not one of these men stops being a man because of his preference. Not every man is going to like every woman—but this is common sense that is somehow turned against men. As if men must be punished for having a preference and choice in dating. Isn’t this the same thing as telling men their choice doesn’t matter? The same thing as saying their boundaries don’t matter? When we stand up for consent being necessary, why aren’t men included in that conversation? After all, a man stating his dating preference is saying he does not consent to be with a person who is not of his choosing. Why are men being portrayed as “wrong” for standing up for their own consent?

Here, Prince Harry blatantly ostracizes men from deserving respect and dignity. Men saying NO to being a utility means that they are not “real men”? “Man up and serve with dignity and respect.” “Real men” are servants? Why, thank you for that, Prince Harry, that’s really … refreshing. The only correct part here is “This is not just about women”; then he lost me with the rest. This—life, society, existence, human community—is NOT just about women; it’s about all people, and that includes men.

Hillary Clinton herself has used the “real man” dogma under different words—”true leaders”—when she was addressing 40 male parliamentarians in Zimbabwe who had undergone male genital mutilation. True leaders, eh? Yes, this is part of the “real man” dogma. And according to Hillary Clinton, “real men” undergo genital mutilation. Again, I’m not shaming men who had this forced onto them; there is no “right” way; all men are wonderful right now as they are. However, the lack of acceptance of men and the pushing of men to go to all lengths—including the African leaders who cut their own genitals to be seen as “real men” based on faulty and discounted research that this would hinder the spread of HIV/AIDS (which it does not) and it’s up to men to make sure diseases don’t spread—is what makes “real men”? Even at the expense of their own bodies?

“Real men” shut up, “man up,” and take it. This says men must be fixed; they are lacking, wrong, bad, must be trained to fit ideals that are illogical, irrational and down-right abusive. “Real men” dogma places men at the bottom of the barrel and tells them how not to fuck up because that is their basis. Dare men say, “Hey, that’s not what I am” and stand up to women and stand up for their own voices, they are then greeted with “Shut up, man up, and be a real man.” All of these are used to avoid men’s needs, men’s human rights, men.

Well, men are not shutting up—and it’s wonderful to behold.

And to answer your question, dear reader, every single man is real; he is not a work of fiction. Only you decide what you want for yourself. You are whole, you do not need to be fixed. There is much to learn in the world, and the world is needing of your wisdom as well—never forget the value of your innate wisdom as a man. Anyone approaching you with the “real man” dogma is lacking, not you. Don’t let them hook you into their story that you need to be fixed or need to be “real” or “man up.” You are whole, right now. Surround yourself with healthy people who understand this and can receive you. If you need support in anything, be sure you seek it from healthy people who understand that men are whole and do not need to be told to aspire to the bottom of the barrel.

I can’t tell you what a man is, no one can; they can only project their own perceptions. Manhood is your own personal journey, and there is no right way of it looking, and to hell with those who prefer you to be anything but who YOU wish to be. Only you know who you are as an individual and who you choose to be as a man. If you have questions seek out men who do not believe in the ‘real man’s dogma for answers, this is beyond my knowledge as a woman.

Remember, when you are out and about, no one has the right to dump their insecurities and bigotry onto you, you are wonderful right now.

Thank you for your question!

Clinton reference: http://www.avoiceformen.com/a-voice-for-men/clinton-determined-to-push-28-million-circumcisions/

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