This is a preview of a series to be published on polymaas.com. The series features an in-depth discussion about Marvin Sordell’s experiences of dealing with rejection throughout his career, and how the mentality of a young footballer is often as important an element as their talent.

It has been almost four years since Marvin Sordell left Watford for Bolton Wanderers in a haze of disorganisation and uncertainty.

And although much of that move has been discussed from an outsider’s perspective, the player himself hasn’t had a chance to set the record straight on his departure from the place that he still to this day calls home.

A tremendously well-liked striker while at Watford, Sordell hasn’t enjoyed quite the same bond with supporters at any of his other clubs - at least perhaps until now.

It’s still early days but Sordell’s current club, Colchester United, have been boosted by his arrival as a free agent at the beginning of September.

The club secured their first win since the first day of the season in Sordell’s second game, with the 24-year-old scoring the winner.

These bookends of a career-so-far do not tell the full story. In between his heady days as a youngster who was thrust into the first team at Watford and his bigger fish status at Colchester are seasons bereft of a spark.

Sordell is a thoughtful person whose performances as a footballer rely on confidence as much as raw talent.

He was at sea for large periods of his time plying his trade at the highest level with Bolton and Burnley and has also, in the past, hit the headlines for non-footballing reasons – one ex-manager stated the striker has an unhealthy ‘obsession’ with social media.

But Sordell seems mature beyond his years when we sit down and speak over a coffee.

He is quiet yet confident as we discuss how a young footballer deals with expectation and rejection.

But first, the obvious question – for me at least. His deadline day move to Bolton…

The way Watford were run just six months prior to the Pozzo’s takeover in 2012 meant the club’s best players realistically felt they would be moved on sooner rather than later.

Marvin Sordell himself attests to this fact, however, the circumstances surrounding his transfer were hardly simple.

“At the time I think the club had to sell a player to keep afloat,” he explains.

But, as January 31 - transfer deadline day - came around, Sordell thought the likelihood of him moving on before the summer was zero.

“Of course, I thought ‘if I play well all season I might get a move in the summer’,” he says. “But I just thought ‘I’m playing tonight.’”

A phone call in the middle of that afternoon though set the wheels in motion on a move up north.

“I honestly didn’t know what was going on,” he admits. “I thought if anything was going to happen it would have happened already. We were away to Millwall that night, and we were in a hotel. I was in the squad.

“I remember getting a call from my agent at about three o’clock saying Cardiff were interested. [Ex-Hornets player and boss] Malky Mackay was manager at Cardiff at the time but I wasn’t really too sure. I wasn’t really too keen on it.”

Sordell’s agent said to call him back later. Despite the impact this would have on Sean Dyche’s team’s preparations for that night’s match, the next piece of news was far more concrete.

“I spoke to my agent again at around five o’clock, just before we were about to get on the coach [to the New Den]. He said to me that the club had accepted a bid from Cardiff and they were going to take me out of the squad in case something happens.”

At this point all Sordell could tell his hotel roommate, Ross Jenkins, was to not say anything. Ultimately he didn’t himself know what was going on.

“Everyone was wondering why I wasn’t in the squad,” he says. “After the pre-match meeting Sean Dyche said ‘I’ve taken you out of the squad because (Laurence) Bassini’s told me to, just in case something happens. It’s just in case something goes through.’”

The then 20-year-old boarded the coach to the New Den with the team. But all the while his phone was filling up with texts from journalists, family and friends who all wanted to know what was going on.

“I went to the stadium with the team. I was sat in the changing room with the players that weren’t in the squad and then I got another call from my agent.

“He said, ‘Bolton are interested, do you fancy it?’”

It had only taken a few hours but Sordell’s footballing world had quickly changed.

That morning there was no question he would be staying with middling Watford.

By mid-afternoon came the suggestion of a transfer to Championship high-fliers Cardiff.

And by the time the squad was at the ground and ready to begin their pre-match preparations, a struggling Premier League side Bolton were set to capture the striker’s signature.

Sordell’s head was understandably all over the place. But an offer from a Premier League club is something special.

With Watford seemingly wanting to sell up, the only real option for the youngster was who to join?

“I said, ‘Wow, it’s a big club.’ I didn’t know whether I’d get this opportunity to play in the Premier League again. You just never know. I just said ‘Yeah, let’s do it’. It was that quick.”

There wasn’t much time to complete the move. What happened that night was an archetypal last-minute deal.

“So from the [New Den] we went to Watford’s stadium to complete the paperwork. I didn’t even do a medical.”

At this time the Golden Boys were fighting towards an eventual 2-0 win at Millwall, with two of the strikers vying for Sordell’s place putting in goalscoring performances to boot.

“I was listening to the radio to see how they were getting on. Joe Garner and a certain Troy Deeney won the game for Watford that night.

“I don’t think the paperwork was finished until about two or three in the morning. It was quite disorganised.”

Many Watford fans will immediately point to Bassini as the reason for this disorganisation.

But contrary to the Stanmore businessman’s reputation, Marvin is hesitant to point the finger straight at Bassini. He instead describes a more positive outlook on his 13-month tenure.

“I guess him buying Watford, and then in turn him selling Watford, was the best thing for the club,” he explains.

“I think everything happens for a reason. These things end up working themselves out at some point.

“I don’t think there’s anything that would really surprise me [in football].”

Sordell was billed as a future England starter when he left Watford - he had already featured for his country’s Under-21 side.

But with so much promise surrounding the young striker there was bound to be mental repercussions when Sordell managed a total of just 40 minutes playing time for Owen Coyle’s Bolton that season - a campaign that ultimately ended with relegation for the Lancashire club.

“I felt that the pressure was immediate,” he says “At the time, I was one of only two players signed in that window. And we were in the relegation zone.”

Expectation was high and Sordell was told in no uncertain terms how much was expected of him.

“I remember one of the first things Owen Coyle said was that he wanted me to have the same impact as [Daniel] Sturridge did when he went there,” he explains.

Sturridge moved to Bolton on loan on the final day of the previous January transfer window, in 2011.

Two days after he joined, Sturridge, on loan from Chelsea, came off the bench to score the winner against Wolverhampton Wanderers.

He then started and scored in each of the next three games. The now Liverpool striker galvanised the Bolton squad. Sordell was expected to do the same.

“That season it was very frustrating,” he says. “I didn’t know anyone. I had no family in the area either. It was a very drastic life change, over a very, very short space of time.

“I left living in Watford and being at home and around my friends. I’d see my friends every single day and I’d met my girlfriend, who I am still with, a month before I moved.

“But within the space of 24 hours I was at the other end of the country, alone and living in a hotel for a couple of months.”

Sordell’s early twenties were tough. Regardless of the hefty financial rewards a football player gets for his talents, sometimes players find themselves in a rut.

He explained that there was a period of about two years where he was, as he described himself, struggling.

“It was because of the move, dealing with pressure, [a lack of] confidence… It was a combination of a lot of things. I was really struggling and I think it was hard to get myself out of that bubble of negativity.

“I’m very hard on myself. I get very downtrodden when I’m not feeling like I’m doing as well as I should be. I’ve got better at things like that as I’ve got older, but I’ve always struggled with confidence.

“I think the older a footballer is, the easier they find it to separate football from their life. When you’re younger, football is your life. That’s all you know. If you’ve had a bad game, you’re in a bad mood.”

Things got progressively worse for Sordell at Bolton. He wasn’t playing badly and he wasn’t playing well. He simply wasn’t playing.

Understandably it affected the striker. His confidence took a battering. It got to the point that Sordell sought out professional help in order to get over some of the confidence issues he faced.

“I saw a psychologist,” he says. “He worked at Watford actually, and then at England afterwards. He even worked at the Olympics as well. [His name is] Keith Mincher.

“I’ve not spoken to him in a really long time and that’s really bad of me because he’s had such a huge effect on my life.

“I should try and find his number and thank him really. I think he’d be proud as well, the way I’ve got through a lot of things.”

It is clear Sordell is not the person he was back then. He speaks from a healthy distance from his rawest emotions.

Although there is a distinct sadness about the way he tells the story of his protracted inner turmoil, he speaks from a position of strength at having got over the toughest tests thrown at him.

“I’ve re-programmed the way I think about my career,” he says confidently at a later point in our discussion.

“I’ve managed to separate my career and my life. Before, so many things were so intertwined. Of course I care [when my team loses] - I hate losing - but at the end of the day you’re going to lose sometimes and you’re going to have a bad game sometimes.

“When I was younger, if I didn’t score in a game I’d be angry for days. I wouldn’t even want to talk to anyone.”

Considering the extent to which football is Sordell’s life - his career and livelihood - he is a man who has actually reassessed the way he lives his life.

Although he credits his mother, sister, girlfriend, and the aforementioned Keith Mincher for much of this change, he also cites a book as a turning point.

“I read a book last summer, The Chimp Paradox. It’s by far the best book I’ve ever read, for just understanding yourself.

“It helps you understand yourself and other people, and why other people react to things in the way they do.

“It is an unbelievable book. It has helped me.”

About a year after Sordell’s move to Bolton, the Trotters travelled to Vicarage Road. Sordell scored. It was a penalty that broke the deadlock.

Watford ended up coming back and winning the match 2-1, but the game had an altogether different talking point for Sordell before had even started warming up.

“Before the game I remember Dougie Freedman asked me, ‘If you score, are you going to celebrate?’ “This was before the game. I told him ‘No, I’m not going to celebrate out of respect for the supporters.’”

Freedman, clearly very interested in the mentality of a striker who would be facing his boyhood club, came back straight away looking for a better answer. “He said: ‘Why not? You should celebrate.’”

“I remember the first team coach, Curtis Fleming, then saying to me, ‘No, you shouldn’t celebrate, out of respect.’”

The way it went, Sordell did score, but he didn’t celebrate.

“Watford’s a special club to me. At this moment in time, Watford’s the only team that if I scored against them I wouldn’t celebrate.”

I asked about the very real possibility that things could be so different today.

What if it was Adrian Mariappa and not him that was sold on the final day of the January transfer window in 2012? What if the Pozzo takeover happened with Sordell still at the club?

“No,” he says. “I think both of us would have gone. I think even Sean Murray was being talked about as being sold. “Mariappa obviously left the next summer and then Bassini left shortly afterwards. I think he wanted to sell the biggest assets, get some money out of it, then sell the club and keep moving on.”

I asked whether, on his regular trips up to Manchester to visit his girlfriend, he ever looks left out of the train window on his way out of Euston.

I asked whether he ever looks across Watford and sees Vicarage Road. I wondered whether he even thinks to look.

“Always,” he tells me. “Every time I go past. I just get this feeling.

“I don’t get back to Watford, back home and to Harrow that often. When I do, I feel at home.”

I ask him where he believes his home is.

“Football-wise, Watford is home. Harrow is home too. Colchester isn’t really a home yet. But then Manchester is my home too. And Watford is also my home.”

Sordell is a 24-year-old nomad. He’s successful, but hasn’t yet fulfilled the promise he showed as a young player.

If he is a victim of expectation, he has dealt with it now and is looking to rise up again with a big role to play at a club looking to improve.

He misses Watford but, surprisingly enough, Watford have grown not to miss him. A victim of circumstance, for sure, but a better person for it in the long run.

Kieran’s discussion with Marvin Sordell will be published in full on polymaas.com in the coming weeks. You can also keep up to date with Kieran on Twitter via @polymaas.