Popular Song Lyrics Adjusted for the Gig Economy

Working 9 to 5 and then babysitting 6 to midnight

What a way to make a living

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Mister postman look and see

Is there a letter in your bag for me

I’ve been waiting a long long time

Since I heard from that editor who published my article over sixty days ago and promised me payment in thirty

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Now John at the bar is a friend of mine

He gets me my drinks for free and that’s literally the only benefit of his job because management says he can’t collect tips unless he is an “independent contractor” and not an employee

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I was working part-time in a five-and-dime

My boss was Mr. McGee

He told me several times that he didn’t like my kind

’Cause I was a bit too pregnant

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I love rock and roll

So put another dime in the jukebox and I’ll Venmo you after the first of the — what? I thought it was a dime. Never mind, I don’t love rock and roll that much

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I try to say goodbye and I choke

Try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it’s clear

I ran out of anti-seizure medication after losing my health insurance last year

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She works hard for the exposure

So hard for it, honey

She works hard for the exposure

So you better pay her once you have enough Patreon supporters

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’Cause we are living in a material world

And I am a girl which means that the only way to fully guarantee my rights over my own body is to accrue enough capital that I can get around the law if need be so, actually, yes I do think closing the wage gap should be a top priority for feminism, and what you call greed I call practicality

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In the day we sweat it out on the streets of a runaway American dream

At night we ride through the mansions of glory in suicide machines

Sprung from cages out on highway nine,

Chrome wheeled, fuel injected, and steppin’ out over the line

Oh, baby this town rips the bones from your back

It’s a death trap, it’s a suicide rap

We gotta get out while we’re young

Cause tramps like us, baby we were born to unionize