Texts From H.P. Lovecraft

Howard

Howard are you in there?

WHO IS IT

it’s me

how long have you been locked in here?

LONGER THAN TIME

are you planning on coming out anytime soon?

for food or for anything?

I WENT OUTSIDE ONCE

IT WAS TERRIBLE

EVERYONE WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET BUT THEY WEREN’T DESCENDED FROM THE MAYFLOWER

yes that

that happens sometimes

will you come out of the bathroom just for a minute, though?

how many races of people

would you say are outside right now

I don’t understand

out here in the hallway?

just outside in general

would you say that there’s mostly just the one race

or more than one

like some races

I mean

yeah I think it’s some

this is a big city

it’s probably some

THEN I SHALL STAY IN THE BATHTUB

THIS BATHTUB IS WHITE AND SMOOTH, LIKE ME AND ALL OF MY FOREFATHERS

I don’t think hiding in the bathtub is going to stop anyone from being a different race than you, Howard

YOU CAN’T PROVE IT WON’T NOT STOP THEM

what?

LEAVE ME ALONE

I DECLARE THIS BATHTUB NEW NEW ENGLAND

AND I AM ITS KING

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE MOST TERRIFYING THING IN THE DARK AND SWOLLEN HISTORY OF THIS SHUDDERING EARTH IS, LAD

no

what is it

ARCHITECTURE

what?

ARCHITECTURE

I’M GOING TO WRITE THE WORLD’S GREATEST HORROR STORY ABOUT ARCHITECTURE

that certainly sounds novel

BECAUSE WHAT IF SOMEONE BUILT A CITY THAT HAD

YOU KNOW

SOME WEIRD ANGLES

THAT WOULD JUST BE THE WORST

DON’T YOU THINK

IS THAT A WOMAN I HEAR ON THE STAIRWELL

I’m not sure

it’s hard to tell what women sound like from this distance

GET HER OUT OF HERE

FAUGH

UUUGH

A WOMAN

I’m sure she’ll keep taking the stairs and be gone in a moment

TELL HER TO STAIR FASTER

AND TELL HER THAT I’M A REMARKABLE LOVER

BUT I WON’T HAVE SEX WITH HER OR ANYONE

PEOPLE ONLY WANT TO HAVE SEX WHEN THEY’RE NINETEEN

AND IF THEY DON’T GET MARRIED THEN THEY JUST SORT OF FORGET IT EXISTS

THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS, YOU KNOW

NINETEEN OR BUST

I’M PERFECTLY NORMAL SEX-WISE BUT I DON’T WANT TO HAVE IT EVER AGAIN

ESPECIALLY WITH WOMEN

UUUGH

WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY’VE GOT GOING ON UNDER ALL THOSE

GARTERS AND STRAPPADOS AND WHAT HAVE YOU

FOAM AND MIST AND PROTUBERANCES, I’VE NO DOUBT

GET RID OF HER

I don’t see anyone

GOOD

PERHAPS SHE WAS SCARED OFF BY MY RAW MASCULINE POWER

perhaps

I don’t like men either, if you were wondering

I wasn’t

well

i don’t

i don’t like anyone

just Harry Houdini and my mother and that’s it

do you know what i hope

what’s that

i hope that if, years from now, some people aren’t quite so organized in their racism as they are now

i hope when they look back on my work

they don’t just dismiss me as “a man of my time”

that would really upset me

if they didn’t realize how seriously i take my racism

i hope they don’t try to do that

I’m sure they won’t do that

perhaps I’d better write another poem about race-mixing just in case

UUUUUUUUGHHH

GUUHHHHHHHHHH

GUUHGHHHGHHHHGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

what is it?

GUUUUUUUNNNNNGGHHHHH

my God man, what’s wrong?

what’s happened?

NOTHING

what’s wrong?

TIME

what?

YOU KNOW

TIME

IT’S VERY OLD

I see

AND PEOPLE USED TO BE FISH

really?

well

broadly speaking

that seems like an enormously broad reading of the process of evolution

WELL

SOMETHING USED TO BE FISH, ANYHOW

AND THERE ARE STILL FISH NOW

AND ALSO TIME

what about time

IT KEEPS HAPPENING

AND THE STARS ARE VERY OLD BUT WE AREN’T

I

that’s not untrue, exactly

GAAAAAUUUUGGGHHHHHH