M. Max Mazzarella Sr. wrote a letter to the editor of the Swampscum Daily Ooze in which he said the United States should not stoop to such "abyssal depths" as to employ waterboarding during interrogation of suspected terrorists.

The editor changed it to "abysmal depths."

"Who is right?" asked Max. "I think that his 'abysmal depths' is redundant, because 'abysmal' already defines extreme depth, whereas my 'abyssal' defines just a quantity and needs a modifier such as 'depths.'"

The editor was going with the word more familiar to readers, and Bubba thinks the newspaper's choice reflected more accurately the point Max was trying to make.

Both "abyssal" and "abysmal" are derived from "abyss," which describes a gorge so deep that it can't be measured. By one definition, "abyssal" refers to the region in the ocean between the depths of 10,000 and 20,000 feet. But its more general definition is "unfathomable," relating to the bottom waters of the ocean. Max was not using it to describe ocean waters. He was using it as a metaphor for depravity, and it's hard to come up with specific measurements for that.

"Abysmal" literally means "unfathomable," or "immeasurably deep." But it also has the metaphorical meaning of extremely bad or wretched. This appears to be the sense Max was trying to convey.

"At the Swampscum Coon Hunt Club barbecue, Homer wolfed down his food as if his stomach were a bottomless pit," said Miss Lulabelle.

"Yep," said Floyd. "Even Uncle Hadacol says his table manners are abysmal."

(Readers may address questions or comments to Bubba through Gene Owens at 315 Lakeforest Circle, Anderson SC 29625, or through e-mail at BubbasEnglish@aol.com)