Tom Brady did not have a football game to play today, so he spent his time as any respectable family man would by … procuring a poorly rendered turkey costume, hiding in some leaves and gobbling at his startled children, who will never again enjoy Thanksgiving in peace.

Here’s the video.

Earlier today we posted this authoritative list of sports things you should be thankful for, and included Tom Brady’s Facebook page. But this, honestly, went too far. I guess we can’t be sure that Tom is actually the one in the turkey suit, as the burst the bird shows when it roars out of the leaves and causes a precious young girl to dive away in fear seems more athletic than what Brady is capable of. Look at her try to escape. Think about her trying to find a way to sleep tonight. Or anytime soon.

There are so many things we want to know. Where does one even find a turkey suit like that? Is it rented or purchased? And what was the setup? Hey, uh, kids, I gotta go out back for a few. You should come out in like 10 minutes and when you don’t see me just go over to that leaf pile and play innocently. It will work out.

Please, NFL, schedule a Patriots’ game next Thanksgiving. For the children’s sake.