LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

As news of the UK election results rolls in and the Boris Johnson lead Conservative party has won the race, local man Eddie Butler (33) claims he has a lot to be grateful for.



The thing he is currently most grateful for is that his English ancestors broke the law and got sent to a Godforsaken island with decent weather, beaches you can swim in and without a rolly-polly PM hellbent on pulling his country out of a streamlined political and economic union for a reason nobody can remember.



“Might go the beach later,” stated Butler, imagining his ancestors being led out of the timelessly dystopian city of London for stealing a handful of clothes pegs.



“Then I’m gonna get a flat white and go for a walk, then maybe, I’ll put my shoes on.”



Enjoying the freedom endowed to him by his ancestors’ incarceration, Butler continued to scroll his social media feeds which are completely chockers with stories about a political system he understands even less than his own.



“So glad that hasn’t happened here,” he laughed.