Ina Garten is the nurturing, witty mom of the culinary world. With her focus on ease and simplicity, her recipes are renowned for being accessible to any home cook, as long as you can afford to buy enough cheese to keep Lactaid in business for years. Here are four of the Barefoot Contessa’s most delicious recipes that you can barely afford to make because they each call for $60 worth of cheese, and that’s simply not in the budget for you!

Mac and cheese.

Ina Garten’s version of this homey staple is a creamy, decadent treat. But it calls for 4 cups of gruyere cheese, and also mascarpone and gouda for some reason, which totals like sixty three bucks, and honey, we know that you haven’t been able to afford a new bra for four years. Just buy some Kraft mac and cheese and call it a day, you broke as hell!

Grilled cheese.

This recipe calls for both gruyere and cheddar, which doesn’t sound too extravagant until you realize that the recipe serves 2 and you’re cooking for 10, making it perfect for a dinner party where you want to serve one thing and literally nothing else. Your guests will love eating these elegant grilled cheeses off the paper plates you’re forced to use because you won’t be able to afford your water bill this month otherwise. Okay, spendthrift!

Baked brie.

With a whopping two ingredients, this appetizer is as elegant as it is easy! But those two ingredients are brie and honey, which might as well be rubies and emeralds to you. Have fun crying in Whole Foods while you shop for the ingredients to make this delicious appetizer, you destitute fool!

Cheese plate.

This one was more of a joke, because there’s no way you can even afford to make this. If you’re buying Roquefort, Fleur Verte goat cheese, Brie, and Camembert, along with fig leaves, fig preserves, and fresh figs, it probably means that you’ve managed to blackmail a member of a royal family into enabling your financially irresponsible cooking habits. Good for you! As Ina herself might say: “If you can’t make enough of your own money to afford the ingredients for my cheese plate, blackmail is fine!”

Wow! All you need to make these simple, delicious dishes are an open mind, a little bit of time, and hundreds of dollars’ worth of cheese! How easy is that?