Day 17: Bellyache

A/N: Sorry for the late-night update y'all. Worked a nine-hour shift today and I felt like baking a pie so I did that instead. This will be the last chapter I post before Frozen 2 comes out...which is something I never thought I'd say. Holy shit, Frozen 2 comes out on Friday.

You already know ya boy's gonna watch it on opening night. Anyway yeah, back to the swearing and awkward romantic tension.

"So you just let her lean on you?"

"What else was I supposed to do? Push her off?"

I finish filling up my water bottle and exit the gym, thankful that I didn't get taken down by a punching bag this time. Man, it says a lot about my current situation that that's a big victory for me. Obviously, me and Elsa didn't do much talking after the whole crying on me thing; and we didn't talk much when we got back to the room either. But I needed to unpack everything that happened, and praise be to Rapunzel that she happened to call me at the tail end of my workout today.

"Well no, but are you sure that letting her do that was smart?"

"Of course not," I press the button on the elevator, hoping that I get an uninterrupted ride this time. "But ugh, if you saw the way she was looking at me...I couldn't just push her away, Rapunzel."

"It worked the first time."

"Wow, fuck you."

"Okay so maybe that was a little too harsh, but you know I'm right."

"It's different this time, and you know it." The elevator doors open, and two people behind me go inside before I do. I force myself to not roll my eyes.

"Right, this time there's money involved."

"It's not just that, I-I don't know it's kind of hard to explain. There's some things she said yesterday that got me thinking." The elevator stops on the third floor, and two more people pile in. Great…

"Thinking about what?"

"About her. Wait no that sounds weird."

"Not for you."

"I hope you know I just flipped you off in an elevator full of people." I didn't, but it was funny seeing everyone turn to look at me when I said that. Whatever, I'm getting off on the next floor anyway.

"So what have you been thinking about?"

"I'm just...worried about her, I guess. Some stuff she said was really worrying, and it doesn't seem like she's turned into a social butterfly in the year we've been apart. I feel like I should be there for her."

"Do you have to? She has family, doesn't she?"

"Yeah, but I'm the one that's with her practically 24/7. That means I'm like her first line of support or something. Look, you'd understand if you were there with us."

"Are you gonna talk to her today?"

Ninth floor. Finally. I step out of the elevator and let out a mental sigh of relief. "That depends on whether she wants to or not. The last time something like this happened, we didn't talk for days."

"But do you want to talk to her?"

"I...I don't know. I'm at my door now, so I guess I'll find out in a little bit."

"Okay. Just be careful, Anna. This thing between you and Elsa is fragile, I don't want to see you get hurt again. And I'm not just saying this because you promised me a cut of the money if I got you out of the room once a week."

"I will. Anyway, I should get inside. I'll talk to you later."

"Mmkay. Bye."

"Bye."

This would probably be the time where I'd take a few seconds to brace myself for whatever's waiting for me behind this door, but I feel too sweaty and gross to do that. Priority number one is for me to take a shower. Priority number two is, well, everything else. And yes, that includes deciding whether or not I want to talk with Elsa any time soon.

Besides, it's not like she's waiting behind the door when I open it.

I retreat into my room, lock my door, and quickly get into the shower. The hot water here is, of course, better than anything I'm used to. They probably got it from some private island or rainforest or something. It feels amazing on my skin, and it's definitely what I need right now. The warmth wakes up my brain or whatever, helping me think more clearly.

I think I do need to talk to Elsa about what happened yesterday. No matter how uncomfortable the conversation might be, I'm still convinced that I should get it out of the way as soon as I can. Of course, this all depends on whether or not Elsa even wants to talk today.

It's weird, I know that I did something wrong yesterday- which is hard to admit- but I'm not sure what it was. It could have been me using the big "L" word again, or it could have just been the stress of that whole talk getting to her. After all, she did tell me to stop talking in a tone that, if I'm being honest, I would have found really attractive if we were still dating.

And I can say that with zero shame. Because of who I am as a person, I was more of the bossy and assertive one in the relationship. She let me pick and choose most of what we did, which I had no problem with. But on the rare occasion that Elsa took charge, and was as headstrong and stubborn, and used a tone that I can only describe as a sexy Catholic teacher…

Mmph.

Of course, she was also crying so I really shouldn't be thinking like that. But I am because I'm a fucking deviant.

I get out of the shower before I do something shameful and pick out the clothes I want to wear while I'm watching TV in bed. It's really not that hard of a job, all I do is put on underwear, and whatever clothes I slept in the night before. I really don't have any plans to go anywhere any time soon.

But before I can get comfortable, there's a knock on my door and the sound of a familiar voice.

"Anna? You in there?"

It's Elsa, of course it is. If the slightly timid voice didn't give that away, then her rhythmic knock on the door sure did.

"Uh yeah, give me a second." Well, this is a first. At least she has the decency to knock before barging into someone else's room. I open the door, and there she is. Standing in front of me, wearing an oversized t-shirt and sweatpants just like me.

I wonder how many scars are underneath them.

"How can I help you?" I ask like I'm the most awkward receptionist ever.

"Hey, um sorry if I'm disturbing you or anything," she says while playing with the ends of her perfectly straight hair- even when she wakes up there's not a hair out of place, it's magical. "I just hoped that we could talk some more today?"

Oh, it looks like she beat me to the punch. The way she's looking at the ground though makes me weary, "Are you sure you're up for it? Because we don't have to talk today if you're not." Even though I also feel like we should.

"No it's fine, I-I...there's something I should tell you that I wanted to tell you yesterday. It was just hard to because…"

"Because of me, right?"

And now she looks up, "Sorry."

I raise an eyebrow, "Why are you apologizing? I'm the one that said something stupid."

"It wasn't stupid, it was unexpected." Elsa sighs and leans on my door frame. "After everything that happened, I never expected you to say those words again. Even if it was in the past tense."

"Hey, what happened was in the past. I don't hold it against you anymore."

"Uh, it kind of sounds like you do."

"I did, and now I don't. See? Past tense." If Elsa could read my mind, she'd see how I was kicking myself for lying to her. Well if she could read my mind, she'd already know that I'm lying to her. I mean, it's only half a lie to be fair. I'm kind of spiteful, and again if someone hurts me, then I hurt them just as bad- or worse. So I still harbor some resentment towards Elsa, but...something holds me back from my spite levels being at 100%.

Well, whatever it is, I don't think I'm going to figure it out by the end of this conversation. Elsa's biting her lip and frowning, either she isn't convinced or something's really bothering her. I'd put down $100,000 on it being the latter.

"I just don't see it, I guess," she replies, "Again, if I were in your shoes, I would want to make me pay for everything that I did."

"You need to stop being so hard on yourself. It's not a good look for you."

Elsa's visibly hurt. She's frowning and winces like she just got pinched. "Um...gee, thanks." I'm expecting her to just go back into her room after that, but she stays where she is. That was such a stupid thing to say, she's already depressed and anxious and I basically told her she looks ugly because of it. How she put up with me for two years, I'll never know.

"I-I just mean that-"

"Please stop."

"Er, uh...okay. Sorry." Not a good time for my spine to start tingling, damn it.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that, it wasn't right." She takes a deep breath and her face is a little more composed, "Can I just say what I need to say? After that, I'll leave you alone."

At this point, I have no idea what's gonna happen if I say anything, so I keep my mouth shut and nod.

"Okay. Well, there's a...c-can we sit down first?"

"Yeah sure." The logical thing to do would have been to walk into the loft and sit on the couch, but instead, I move out of the way and gesture towards my bed. Elsa steps inside without questioning it, which I guess is good. But it's also not because, well, she's in my room.

She's in my room.

How did this happen? How did we get here?

Elsa closes her eyes and takes another deep breath, and another. And another. I don't know what to do, she was never like this before and I have a hard time being a soothing person to begin with. I'm afraid she's gonna pass out, and I'm thinking of at least putting a hand on her shoulder so I can catch her if she does, but she stops after four breaths. She looks at me and I quickly put my hand back on the bed, hoping that she didn't notice.

"Before you and I started dating...there was someone else. I met her the day after my 21st birthday, and I know it sounds a little cliche, but we were at a bookstore and she grabbed for the same book that I was. It was the last copy. She and I got to talking a little bit, and she said that she'd let me buy it if I promised to give it to her when I was done. She wrote her number on the back of the last page."

That's frustratingly adorable, Elsa and I met because I was delivering a pizza to her apartment. It was the wrong pizza too.

"377 days. That's how long we dated." I want to make a comment about how crazy she is that she remembers dates and numbers this well, but I keep my mouth shut. I'm more curious to see where she's going with this.

"And it was amazing, you know? She got me to try out so many new things, go to new restaurants and places I'd never been before- I tried Thai food for the first time because of her. I was finishing up my degree, so we'd have a lot of dates on campus. She almost convinced me to get a tattoo because she had a lot of them and wanted us to get matching ones. But I said I wanted the first one to be special and didn't want it to be an impulse decision. We never did end up getting one…"

Tattoos definitely aren't something I'd ever see Elsa getting. In fact, she was completely against the idea when I talked about getting a tattoo. Whoever this mystery girl was, she had to be someone special to get her out of her comfort zone. And that...that pisses me off for some reason. Why? Shit, am I jealous? I better not be, or I swear.

"She was gorgeous. Not just how she looked, but like her mind too if that makes any sense. She was so outgoing and bold, the definition of a free spirit. The way she talked to me, and about the future, it was like she saw me as her ride-or-die kind of girl. And, to be honest, I think I saw her in that same way."

My fists clench my sheets underneath me, and I place them on my lap instead. I'm definitely jealous now. Especially because Elsa's face is so relaxed and happy. Like genuinely happy, something I rarely saw these days. But that happiness went away quickly, and now she was frowning. I'd be lying if I said that wasn't a little bit of a relief.

"I was young and stupid- I mean I'm only 25, so I guess I still am- and I thought...I thought we were on the same page. On my birthday, I told her the words that you told me, and she said them back."

Breathe, Anna. Don't say anything stupid. Stop dwelling on the fact that she could say "I love you" to this mystery girl, and not to you. Even though you guys dated for two years, and she admitted that you were the best girl she'd ever dated. And despite the fact that you guys also had some pretty good memories too. Like that time you guys got conveniently lost on a trail through the Arendelle Mountains so that you could watch the sunset alone. She loved that. And so did you. And you loved her.

Don't say anything like that. Just breathe. And let her finish.

"I was happy, I really was." I'm now noticing that she's speaking slower, deliberately, like she's trying to get the words right. Or because it's getting harder to speak about this."I...again, I was stupid. I believed her, but after that day she started getting more distant, she had less time to spend together, and some days I'd rarely hear from her until the end of the day. I thought that maybe she was just busy, her family had a lot of problems so maybe something was happening there, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. But this kept happening and I was getting worried- about her, yeah, but mostly about us. And then one day-"

She stops. It's abrupt, like a rollercoaster shutting down right before the big drop, and just as dangerous too. Her arms are wrapped around her stomach again, but instead of leaning forward, she leans on me again. And like last time, I don't move her. Unlike last time, though, I place a hand on her back.

If it's too much, she doesn't tell me. Even though my brain is telling me that it is. But she's sniffling now, and I feel teardrops land on my lap. I could never sit and do nothing whenever she cried. I always comforted her, even if I was the one having a shitty day.

We're not dating, this shouldn't be happening, I shouldn't be doing this. That's the thought that keeps running through my head as she cries, but I don't listen. Elsa needs me right now- I mean she needs someone right now, and I'm the only one here. So it has to be me. I think so, at least. She continues just as suddenly as she stops, but the words come out strained and shaky, "I went to her apartment. And she's in bed with this guy."

And now I want to kick this mystery bitch's ass.

It wouldn't even be the first time I'd fought somebody, no one suspects the 5'4" girl with pigtails to put them in an armbar after they get too handsy. Hell, one time I smacked a guy with his own guitar at a party after he tried to roofie my friend. But I can't do that right now, so I resort to just rubbing Elsa's back in the most rigid, appropriate manner I can.

"The horrible part was I would have still found a way to make it work with her after that. But she said that it was over. 377 days, Anna, and it was over just like that." It sounds like it's taking too much effort to speak, I need to give her a break from that. Besides, I can put the pieces together from here.

"So, me saying those words reminded you of her?" I ask Elsa.

She gives me a meek nod, "I hadn't dated anyone before you, and I thought that you were really nice and sweet-"

I snort, "Really?!"

And hey, she laughs a little bit through all the sniffling and coughing, "In your own special way, yeah. You thought I was just shy at first- which is fair- but I was actually scared of dating somebody again. I figured that at least we'd have fun together and I could finally feel comfortable getting into the whole dating scene. But you...you gave me so much more than that, Anna."

Damn it, I can feel my face heating up. Elsa's even smiling at me. All that crying from before, and now she's smiling. "You're welcome," I say with a smug little smile, to hopefully mask the fact that I'm blushing.

But it doesn't seem like Elsa notices. "Then you said those words," she continues with the admiration on her face disappearing, "And I...I couldn't say them back. I was scared that once I did, you'd hurt me too."

"Elsa, you know I wouldn't have done that. Trust me, it was hard to say that I…" Stop, don't say it again. You remember what happened last time. "It was hard to say those words, I don't like being vulnerable."

"I know."

"But I wouldn't have hurt you. In fact, I probably would have jumped your bones right then and there if you'd said it back."

Elsa laughs and wipes the tears off her eyes with her palm, "That's good to hear, I guess."

"And I wouldn't have left you either, or had sex with some random guy. I think you and I both know what my preference is."

"Definitely. I just...I was scared. Really scared."

"I know. And I finally get why." Wow, a huge weight feels like it's been lifted off my shoulders. I finally understand after months of not knowing why, and I can finally stop playing the guessing game. And it feels good, but...something still doesn't sit right. Because some random girl had hurt her long before we were even a thing, I never got to hear the words that took me a year to say. It feels like I lost out on an amazing future because some bitch broke Elsa's heart.

And then, well, I guess I did the same.

Who knows how much I set Elsa back, I mean she said that she hurt herself because of things I said. I can't be mad at her anymore, and yet I still sort of am. And that makes me sick to my stomach.

Literally, it feels like I'm going to throw up.

"It's okay to be scared, Elsa," I say while trying to ignore my insides threatening to come up for air, "But I'm still here. Even after everything."

"Not by choice, though."

"I'm sorry, who was the one that called about the contest again?"

"I mean that you're just here for the money," Elsa says bluntly, "Am I right?"

"Kind of," I reply, but it doesn't sound like I'm confident about that. "The money would definitely help, but I'd be lying if I said that I didn't...want to see you again."

"But why? I hurt you, and you still want to see me? Why would you do that to yourself?"

"I hurt you, but you're still here. You still did the interview and everything. Why did you do that?" I hope she doesn't notice that I'm taking a page out of her book and putting an arm around my stomach. I didn't want to answer those questions, because I feel like they would have just made the pain worse. And also because I don't know the answers to them.

Elsa looks down at the floor like a sad puppy, "I don't think I'm ready to answer that yet." I think I've made her uncomfortable. When she takes my hand off her back, I know I've made her uncomfortable. Damn it.

"That's okay," I reply, "You don't have to. Everything you just told me today had to have taken a lot out of you."

She nods.

"I'm really happy that you told me what happened, though. You can tell me anything, Elsa."

"It's not that simple, Anna."

"I know. But hey, we've got a whole year, right? I think aside from a couple of roadblocks, we're going at a good pace. Who knows? Maybe in a few months, we can actually have dinner together."

"Maybe," Elsa says with a small smile.

Wow, my stomach is killing me now. It's getting to that point where I won't be able to hide the pain on my face much longer. I need to get her out of here so I can go throw up or something. Besides, I don't think she has much more to say anyway.

"Hey, I need to actually use the bathroom. Do you want to talk some more or…?"

Elsa shakes her head, "No. That's...I think that's all I can talk about right now. You can do whatever you need to do, I have therapy in a couple hours anyway."

"Oh, okay." I stand up, thankful that it relieves a little bit of pressure from my midsection. The pain, however, seems to have gone to my head, because I say something that I don't expect myself to: "Can you tell me how it goes?"

"...are you sure?" Elsa looks as confused as I feel.

I can't turn around and say no, because that might hurt her more. Sure she looks confused, but I can also see a sliver of happiness in her eyes. It's not that I don't want to know how Elsa's doing, it just might be too much too soon. I don't want to overwhelm the poor girl by making her tell me things she's not ready to tell me. I've hurt her enough, you know? And there's something else too...something I won't admit and drive it away from my mind as fast as possible.

Something that might explain the stomach ache.

"Yeah sure, you can tell me anything." Why didn't I just stop at "Yeah sure"? I fucking hate myself.

"Oh. Well, um...okay. I-I'll let you know when I get back, okay?"

"Great. Now if you don't mind, I uh…" I point to the bathroom door.

Her eyes widen, "Right! Sorry, I'll let you go now. Sorry."

She walks towards the loft, and I walk towards my bathroom ironically hoping for a breath of fresh air. But when my hand touches the doorknob, Elsa says my name, and I wince. This woman is gonna kill me.

"Sorry. Again," She says when I turn around to meet her guilty look, "I just wanted to say, um…"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. For listening to me, and for understanding. This was really hard for me to admit and I honestly never thought I would. So thank you for being here, even though I know you probably don't want to. I want to finally tell you everything in time, I don't want to hold any secrets from you. I can't make up for what I did, but at least I can finally tell you why. And I hope it means as much to you as it does to me."

I...I don't know what to say. I can't even blame my stomach either, because it seems like it's calming down now. And I think Elsa catches on to that, "You don't need to say anything. I just...yeah, I needed to tell you that. Thank you, again. And I'm sorry, again. I'll leave you alone now."

I wait until I hear her door shut before I retreat into my bathroom. This has been the most eventful morning since we got here, and right now I'm not sure how I feel about that. I don't throw up, or do much of anything really. I just sit in my bathtub wondering where the hell we go from here.