me: When I die I want you to put me in a Wonder Woman outfit and toss me out of a moving plane. That way when I hit the ground people will assume that Wonder Woman’s invisible plane crashed. And that Wonder Woman really let herself go.

Victor: But where would her plane be?

me: Duh. Her invisible plane was invisible.

Victor: Invisible. Not non-existent.

me: Yes, well then whenever people tripped over nothing they could blame it on debris from my plane crash. And there’s my little slice of immortality.

Victor: I don’t even know where to begin.

me: Begin by finding a Wonder Woman outfit in a size 14.

Victor: I’m not going to do that.

me: I can fit into a 12 if necessary. I’ll be dead so you can shave off part of my butt if you need to.

Victor: It’s not a size issue. I’m just not going to do that.

me: Fine. Then I’m not going to bury you. I’ll just leave you out in the lawn in a Batman costume. You’ll just look like Batman had a heart attack while picking weeds out of the flowerbed. Way to ruin Batman, asshole.

Victor: I don’t even feel safe in this house anymore.

me: The death of Batman will do that to you.