The Theories of Choosing a Partner

There are many theories on how people choose their life-partners, but all of them have 2 things in common.



Basic – the principle of social and cultural homogamy or sameness.



Process of Choosing – a system of filters by which the number of potential partners is narrowed, eliminating those who don’t meet our requirements.



Result – finally, after passing through all of the filter stages successfully, those who are left have the most potential.

‘Theory of identification’ by Z.Freud — based on this theory, the level of satisfaction in marriage depends on how much a partner reminds one of his/her parent.

'Theory of complimentary needs’ by R. Winch — says that people are attracted to and looking for a partner with features opposite their own, a partner whose features will complement them.

'Instrumental Theory’ of R. Senters — says that people are attracted to those whose needs are similar to their own.

'Stimulation – Value – Role Theory’ of B. Murstein — says that in choosing a partner, we try to find someone who will add the most value or benefit to our lives.

'Theory of Family Systems’ by McGoldrick — says that the union of a couple is the establishment of a new house or family that must set about establishing its own boundaries.

'Theory of Filters’ of A. Kerkhoff and K.Davis — says that the process of choosing a partner is done with the help of filters that eliminate partners with the least potential for a successful union.



A.Reis’s 'Circle Theory of Love' — says there are 4 main stages in choosing a partner: connecting, opening up, depending on each other and each person realizing their deep need of the other’s personality, love and trust.

R.Zidler believed that choice of a partner is based on our social and cultural orientation on marriage and family.

K.Melville compares the process of choosing a partner to trade, where money is replaced by qualities of the two people like social status, financial stability, education and personal qualities.

F.Berardo, J.Bossards stated that not every man and woman can be compatible, but only those who have the same social values or homogamy.

T.Paterson, R.Bails, B.Harber, R.Ort developed 'Role Theory’ that proposes that the happiness of partners depends on meeting the role expectations of each other.

D.Adams ’Theory of Stages of Choosing a Partner’ determines that attraction is based on appearance. He also believed that when people are recognized as a couple by others, their relationship gets stronger. Stages of duty and commitment come next and this is the time with the most potential for getting married.



N.Obozova determines 4 main categories of criteria: social (financial), physical, psychological and family.

S.Golodov developed 'Theory of Clearing' that is based on comparison and complementing of the needs of both people in order to establish a union that would be beneficial for both.