Buying parts from AutoZone is often a lesson in anger management and a battle against incompetence. James, an AutoZone customer, attempted to purchase Ford 9" axle seals, but 45 minutes on hold forced his hand.

This is the kind of story which makes us pine for the old days of the neighborhood parts store with clerks who knew by heart the part number for valve seals from a GM 235 inline six and had a set in a shelf in the back. Here, our hero, James, regales us with a tale of inconceivably bad service; A 45 minute period on hold where he decided to get in the car, drive down to the store, and figure out what the hell was going on that made it so difficult for them to quote him a price for his seals. This is his story:

So I got an event coming up at the local track...should be a fairly fun event and I want to take the truck out. Well....a few weeks ago, due to my own stupidity, I blew my hub seals on my rear end...and due to me catching the fucking flu...and other shit...I never got around to fixing them. So this is the week OF and I need the damn seals, right?

So I call up AutoZone:

"Thank you for calling AutoZone, how can I help you?"

"Yeah, I'm looking for axle seals of a ford 9" rear end..."

"Oooh. umm...hold on a second...." and he puts me on hold.

....15 minutes later...someone ELSE picks up...

"...umm thank you for calling AutoZone, who are you holding for?"

"I'm holding for someone to help me find some axle seals..."

"Oh.. ummm. Huh.. hold on a second." and HE puts me on hold.

...10 minutes in, I'm getting pissed and I decide that this is a battle of wills. Them waiting for me to hang up....me waiting for them to get tired of the phone beeping and to pick up.

...10 MORE minutes....and I can feel my will about to give in completely to anger. FUCK THIS! While STILL on hold, I jump in my daily driver and drive my ass up to the AutoZone I'm on hold with!

I get there about 10 minutes later...and there's 4 fuckers working...and like two people shopping...and one of them hits me up instantly:

"Welcome to AutoZone, how can I help you?"

...as I walk behind their counter to look for their phone...

"Yeah....do you have someone on hold right now?"

"Uh excuse me?"

...I point at the blinking, beeping phone...

"DO...YOU...HAVE...SOMEONE...ON...HOLD...RIGHT...NOW!?"

"Uhh...I guess so."

"You guess so?? Let me help you. You DO have someone on hold...ME! I've been on hold for 45 fucking minutes! What in the HELL is THAT all about?? Can you give me one good reason why you've had me on hold for almost a fucking hour??"

"Well...uhh..I mean....uhhh...I was waiting for him (he points) to pick up.."

"He DID pick up...and put me right the fuck back on hold!"

"Uuhh..err....ahh...ummm..."

"Don't give me any bullshit about how busy you are...there's no one fucking in here! If my fucking question was simply too difficult for you, TELL me."

"Well...what do you need sir?"

"What I needed was axle seals...but what I need NOW is to talk to YOUR fucking manager."

"Yes sir."...and scampers off to get El Jefe....

Manager: "Yes sir, what seems to be the problem?"

...I tell him, "....and I'm STILL on hold!" That's right...I still haven't hung up...

He looks at the phone....picks it up...and says, "Uhh Autzone, may I help you?"

I yell into MY phone, "IT'S ME FUCKER!!!" He jumps and hangs up.

"I'm hoping that isn't your policy here! That if you CAN'T answer the question, just put the person on hold until they hang up?"

"Uh no sir!"

"Well lets see if y'all CAN help me...now that I'm here."

He goes over to the computer...

I tell him, "I need axle seals for a 31 spline ford 9" rear end."

"What's it out of?"

"Hell...i don't know? Almost any 70s ford truck I'm sure."

"Well I need to know what it's out of."

"I do not know..."

"Well what's it in now?"

"That's not gonna help you."

"Sure it is"

"No...it won't. There's no way to search for the rear end?"

"No...so what's it in?"

"A 2001 CHEVY SILVERADO ok?? Does THAT help???"

"No."

"See?"

He connected me with someone at another AutoZone that actually WAS helpful...and I went over there to get the parts...