Of course you have heard of the book, Go the Fuck to Sleep. I would like to suggest a follow up, inspired by my husband…

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The dishes are washed, everything tidy in its place

The leftovers boxed up, my dear, and the counters wiped away

I’ve asked you six times, don’t make me say it again

Please, for the love of God

Just empty the fucking trash can.

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You work hard and need your rest

I do know that and care

But you slept all night and napped three times

You’ve more than gotten your share

It’s time to awake and get on with the day

Wake the fuck up already, you hear me OK?

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You’ve been flipping for an hour

But have yet to pick a show

Could you be more annoying?

The answer is no.

Surrender the remote, I’ll ask one last time

or I’m kicking you out, on your fucking behind.

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The day is getting dim

Soon it will be night

I can’t see a thing, my love

You have to know I’m right

I’m not as tall as you so I need your larger height

Would it kill you to change that fucking hall light?

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I know you feel sick but I do as well

My nose is stuffy too

and my throat sore as hell

Please stop complaining

It’s just a little cold

So shut up and cope

You’re not that fucking old

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I love you so much

I value what you say

But now I’m trying to sleep

And you’re keeping me awake

For the last time, my sweet,

I just don’t give a crap.

Enough already, really

Just shut your fucking pie trap.

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I’m laying in bed, desperately needing my rest

You’ve been sleeping for hours

Happily passed out on your chest,

How are you so loud, I really don’t know

But if you don’t fucking stop snoring,

You’re gonna have to go.

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Is this too much to ask,

from the man I adore?

I really don’t get why I’m so easy to ignore.

Start listening to me, that’s all there is to it.

Oh, and the dog needs a walk

Just fucking do it.

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