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Seventeen years old is not very old. You can't vote, see R-rated movies, buy tobacco or alcohol, or be declared a legal adult. However, at seventeen, you are expected to know enough about yourself to commit to a degree field. This is most seventeen-year old's biggest burden in life. I had other things on my mind than college.

At age seventeen, I was in a relationship with a man nine years older than me. I was a child according to the law but thought I was mature enough to make my own decisions. At sixteen, I started dating him against my friends' concerns. My parents had no clue that it was happening, and I became excellent at sneaking around. The worst part of the story isn't that I was a seventeen-year-old girl or that the man kept me from going to college. The worst part was that he was abusive and I chose to ignore it.

Survivors of dating abuse usually say after they leave their partners, that they wish they never met them. However, I don't. I don't wish that I never applied for the job where I first met him. I don't lose minutes thinking about how I lied to my mother about who I was out with so late on a school night, or why my grades were slipping. I don't cry myself to sleep thinking about the pain I felt when he called me names or how scared I felt when he threatened me if I ever tried to leave him. The guilt I felt when he manipulated me to miss prom or ditch my friends to be with him doesn’t make me wish he was dead. I don’t wish I never forgave him when he apologized for the things he said and that I believed him when told me loved me. I don’t sit in my college classes despising him because I wasn’t sitting there years earlier. I know that he is the reason I didn't move away from home, but I also know at seventeen or eighteen, I wasn't ready to leave my family. I don’t regret these things or waste my energy hating him.

All of these things that happened shaped me into who I am today. I don't know the kind of woman I would’ve been if I never met him. I don’t know if I would be graduating college this year, or if I would still be waiting tables. I do know the kind of woman I am now, though. Leaving that relationship taught me that I needed to get to know myself. I am the kind of woman who is dedicated enough to go to school and work full time. Someone who spends her nights having fun with her best friends. I like having Disney movie marathons and working out. The truth is, I don’t hate him for holding me back, or telling me I am worthless. The fact that he did makes me work harder to prove him wrong. I hear his voice saying, “You will never finish college because you can’t apply yourself” as I fill out four-year university applications. I remember him telling me no one will ever love me as I look into the mirror and know that I love myself. He taught me that I can’t wait around for a guy to convey my self-worth. I want to thank him for that final fight where I broke down crying on my bedroom floor because I couldn’t take the emotional abuse anymore. I want to thank him for showing me that to love somebody else, you need to love yourself first.

Most people don’t realize that their partners are being emotionally abusive. They make excuses that, “It’s just how they are” or “They don’t mean it seriously.” Emotional abuse is can be anything from isolation, verbal assault, humiliation, or any other treatment which may diminish the sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth. Just because they aren’t hurting you physically, doesn’t mean their actions don’t take a toll. What they do isn't right by any means, but don’t let it define you. Now you know exactly how you are NOT supposed to be treated. Be grateful that you're not with the person anymore, and know you will be better because of it. Don’t let it hold you back from becoming the best you that you are.