In the wake of a massive act of violence, Quakers rush to remind the world and each other that we have *always* been anti-violence. We share two hundred year old quotes superimposed on a picture of a candle. We talk about the power love has to drive out hatred.

That’s all lovely, but I am sick of it. I am sick to my stomach. I want to turn to my religion for comfort, and indeed there are many Quaker groups and individuals with whom I have found profound solace and solidarity. But if someone were to ask me, I would not be able to say that my religion unequivocally has my back. There are multiple branches of Quakerism, and we have not yet come to “unity” regarding our acceptance of LGBTQ people. Somehow, the jury is still out as to whether a religion based on there being that of God in each and every person can accept without hesitation individuals who identify as queer.

I need Quakers to tell me that they will not let me be killed because of my sexual orientation. I need my religion to stand up for me and my queer family. I need to hear that Quakers will no longer accept any excuse for discrimination based on gender identity and sexual orientation. I need to know that an LGBTQ person can walk into any Quaker Meeting in the world and be shown the love and acceptance that God teaches us belongs to every person.

There is a violence inherent in the silence surrounding the continued oppression of LGBTQ persons, one that we have been guilty of perpetuating. While we have been laboring in our Meetings about our personal discomfort, or our fear of alienating Friends by making a decisive statement about our acceptance of LGBTQ people, those people are being killed. Until Quakers take a unified stand for the lives of queer people, we are passively sanctioning this violence.

I cannot choose to not be gay. I need to hear that I can continue to choose to call myself a Quaker.