Someday My Prince Will Come

In princess stories a common plot involves the princess finding true love. A prince rides up on a white horse to sweep the princess off her feet. He seems perfect in every way, and it is love at first sight. They kiss and ride off into a beautiful sunset together, ready to live happily ever after.

Though beautiful, this storyline is misleading in a number of ways. First of all, I believe that the youth of today are too concerned about finding their prince and expecting him to be perfect.

Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said:

As we visit with young adults all over the Church, often they will ask, “Well, what are the characteristics I should look for in a future spouse?” as though they have some checklist of “I need to find someone who has these three or four or five things.” . . .

The list is not for evaluating someone else. The list is for you . . . and what . . . you need to become. And so if there are three primary characteristics that [you] hope to find in an eternal companion, then those are the three things [you] ought to be working to become. Then [you] will be attractive to someone who has those things. . . . You are not on a shopping spree looking for the greatest value with a series of characteristics. You become what you hope your spouse will be, and you’ll have a greater likelihood of finding that person.⁹

Instead of focusing so much on finding a prince, young women should focus more on becoming a princess. And I don’t mean a bratty, materialistic, helpless type of princess. I mean a daughter of God who is secure in her royal identity, who loves to learn and to help others, and who has a strong testimony of Jesus Christ. Good things happen when we focus more on becoming the right person and less on finding the perfect person.

The Thin Ideal

In the media princesses typically have the same look: an impossibly tiny waist, large eyes, and lustrous long hair. In research this is called the “thin ideal.” Studies have shown that internalization of the thin ideal can have a damaging impact on girls’ body image, self-esteem, and self-worth.

We start this internalization with our very youngest girls, dressing them up as princesses and complimenting them for being “pretty.” As with superheroes and the muscular ideal, this appearance-based talk leads girls to believe that there is one correct size and shape. Is it any wonder that women tend to have so many body-image issues?

As Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said, “One would truly need a great and spacious makeup kit to compete with beauty as portrayed in media all around us.”¹⁰

One of my favorite princess movies is Brave. Merida, the main character, is an independent young princess in Scotland. Her mother is constantly telling her how a princess should behave and tries to arrange a marriage with one of three lackluster prince suitors. The three candidates decide to have an archery contest to win Merida’s hand in marriage. Merida is forced to wear a corset and to watch her fate be decided by men she barely knows.

After the three men have shot their arrows, Merida comes up, gives a royal grunt, and stretches to rip her dress apart so she can move more easily. She then pulls out a bow and arrow and says, “I am Merida, firstborn descendant of Clan DunBroch. And I’ll be shooting for my own hand!” ¹¹ She then shoots a perfect bullseye.

Here Merida is taking charge of her royal future. Yes, she was meant to become queen, but she learns that she doesn’t need others to dictate the way she looks or decide her fate. She goes on to discover her true identity—that being a princess means being herself and not some contrived princess from fairy tales long ago.

Women, love who you are. And part of that means loving your body with every blemish, stretch mark, and perceived flaw. Do not waste any more of your precious time obsessing over the way you look. Yes, we want to be healthy, but this means very different things for each person, and body acceptance may be difficult to achieve for some of us.

I believe one of Satan’s greatest weapons is to lead women to reject their bodies. Our Father in Heaven loves us for who we are—in fact, I believe He cares very little about our current dress size or how we look in a bathing suit. Remember, we are created in the image of our heavenly parents. We don’t know much about our Heavenly Mother. We don’t know what she looks like or even much about who she is as an individual. I can’t wait to meet her someday. I have so many questions for her! I do believe that my body looks like hers in a way. I want to be respectful and true to her image and to the way she must have lived her life.

Falling Asleep

In many princess stories, such as Sleeping Beauty or Snow White, the princess falls asleep and is rescued by a prince. Ladies, we are not on this earth to fall asleep!

Our Heavenly Father has much bigger plans in store for us.

He has asked us to serve our communities and our families and to mother and nurture the children in our care, whether they are our own children, nieces, nephews, or other children in our sphere of influence. He has asked us to learn and to grow.

In a talk called “How Can I Become the Woman of Whom I Dream?” President Gordon B. Hinckley taught young women:

Find purpose in your life. Choose the things you would like to do, and educate yourselves to be effective in their pursuit. . . . You are hopeful that you will marry and that all will be taken care of. In this day and time, a girl needs an education. She needs the means and skills by which to earn a living should she find herself in a situation where it becomes necessary to do so.

Study your options. Pray to the Lord earnestly for direction. Then pursue your course with resolution.

The whole gamut of human endeavor is now open to women. There is not anything that you cannot do if you will set your mind to it. You can include in the dream of the woman you would like to be a picture of one qualified to serve society and make a significant contribution to the world of which she will be a part.¹²

I resonate with these words. My family’s circumstances necessitated that I be the primary earner. This was a difficult decision, and we spent many, many nights on our knees in prayer. Many people were supportive, but others were judgmental and condescending when I started working full-time at BYU.

Proverbs 3:5–6 says: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” I believe that promise with all my heart. I am fortunate to have found a man who is my true equal, who understands, as it says in “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” that we “are obligated to help one another as equal partners.”¹³ I trusted in the spiritual promptings we received that helped me know that I was meant to be at BYU. Because of the choices I made earlier in life and the education I felt prompted to receive, I am becoming the type of scholar that I know Heavenly Father needs me to become.

Other women’s paths may be very different than mine. Regardless of their circumstances, we need women who can speak up and speak out. President Russell M. Nelson said to the women of the Church:

My dear sisters, whatever your calling, whatever your circumstances, we need your impressions, your insights, and your inspiration. We need you to speak up and speak out in ward and stake councils. We need each married sister to speak as “a contributing and full partner” as you unite with your husband in governing your family. Married or single, you sisters possess distinctive capabilities and special intuition you have received as gifts from God. We brethren cannot duplicate your unique influence.¹⁴

Women, do not be afraid to share your experiences and your insights—especially when you are in leadership positions. The world needs your voices! We need you all. We need the single sisters, we need the mothers, we need the widows, we need the grandmas, we need the aunts, and we need the daughters. We need the women in the workplace and we need the women who stay home with their children.

Ruth L. Renlund—Elder Dale G. Renlund’s wife—said, “One thing I’ve always felt strongly about is that there’s no one way to be an LDS woman.”¹⁵ We have many roles, but we have one thing in common. We are daughters—and, I would add, princesses—of a Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love Him.¹⁶ And He needs the women of the Church more in this time than in any other. We are not here to fall asleep.

In our princess study we asked preschool girls who their favorite princess was and why. The vast majority chose Rapunzel, likely because the movie Tangled had just come out. The no. 1 reason why they liked Rapunzel was because of the way she looked. In the entire study, there was only one girl who chose Mulan as her favorite princess. When asked why, the girl answered boldly, “Because she saves China.”

God has asked us not only to save China but to fight for and defend our brothers and sisters across the entire world. We simply cannot do this if we fall asleep and do nothing.

My little princess is my daughter, Hannah. I hope she knows that she is treasured by both of her parents and by her Father in Heaven. I hope she truly understands her royal identity and that being a princess isn’t just about dressing up in fancy dresses. I hope this becomes a core part of her identity that will help her get through the hard times that she will surely experience in her life. I hope she knows that being a princess comes with the responsibility to care for others, to be brave, and to be of good courage. Being a princess comes with the responsibility to not fall asleep but to truly do good in this world.

The Prince of Peace

After sharing several princess fantasies, I want to end with one reality. Even though we are not here to fall asleep, we will be rescued by a prince—the Prince of Peace. Our Savior Jesus Christ atoned for our sins, descending below all so that He could know exactly what we are going through. He sacrificed all so that we could live.

Christ has rescued me so many times in my life. This last year we experienced the death of a beloved niece, Nona. Watching my sister bury her only child, a princess she and her husband had so fervently wanted, was the most painful moment in my life.

I remember one day in my office feeling so sad that I couldn’t work. I shut down my computer, crawled under my desk, curled up in a little ball, and just sobbed. I felt like nothing could ever be right in the world again.

I began to pray for comfort and understanding. The Spirit filled the room and penetrated my heart so that I could barely breathe. I realized that Heavenly Father had also lost a child, and I imagined the pain He must have felt as He watched His Beloved Son on the cross. I was given an assurance that my niece, our little princess, was destined for royalty and that the bands of death were nothing compared to the “happily ever after” that she was currently experiencing.

We are each of royal birth—princesses and princes in our own right. We have the potential to have greater power and reach than the most powerful superhero portrayed in the media today. Let us not waste this precious gift. Realizing we are royal can change the very way that we see ourselves, our bodies, our families, our lives, and our destinies.