Dear Wayne and Wanda,

I'm a woman in my early 40s, currently happily dating a man I've been seeing now for about five years. We have a great life together in Alaska filled with tons of adventures, two great careers, and a beautiful home. We recently got a dog who is the absolute joy of our existence. We talk about getting married in a low-key and memorable way, like eloping in Mexico. I imagine my future, and I imagine he and I together.

Here's the problem I'm dealing with: my family, namely my parents, and to an extent, even my friends, and the collective pressure that the whole of them are putting on me to have children.

Truthfully, I have never wanted to have kids. Not ever. I didn't even play with dolls as a child. When girlfriends started having kids, I dutifully "met the baby" and usually even enjoyed it, but was always grateful to go. The truth is, I don't want the responsibility of creating and raising a life. I always knew I might fall for someone with kids and I was totally OK with that. But I never wanted one of my own.

I resent my family and friends pressing me on this deeply personal decision and I get so irritated or even angry when they say, "You'll change your mind." I'm 43. I'm not changing my mind. I feel like they're projecting such judgment on me for it, and devaluing my relationship. How can I get them to back off?

Wanda says:

For years, being "childless" conjured this image of a barren and frigid, deprived woman; but these days, more independent women are proudly declaring themselves childfree. It's never quite that simple. There are women who always want kids and get them, women who don't plan on it but end up there, women who want it and can't, and women who don't want it and can't get people to believe them. Can't we all just get along?

The common denominator here: choice. It isn't something us women have always had. And the fact that we have it is something that should unite us, not divide us. For decades, women had a defined path, where education and careers were optional and marriages and children were expected. Shouldn't we all be excited and happy that we now live in a time where we can be exactly what we want to be? If the stigma isn't completely lifted, at least it's alleviated.

Having children is a massive decision that can often divide couples, and it's exciting that you've found a partner who is on the same page. As for your meddling, judgey family members and friends, know that their persistent inquiries come from a place of love, and then lovingly remind them that having children has never and will never be on your agenda.

Wayne says:

Being that you're 43, I'm guessing you've been hearing this kiddie convo for about 20 years or so, with the volume and feedback amping up whenever one of your friends has a kid and whenever you've landed in a serious relationship. Yes, that sounds exhausting, but I can't really feel sorry for you.

Again, you're 43. At what point do you, a mature adult who is confident and clearheaded about one of life's most complicated, sensitive and game-changing decisions, simply not let these people and this topic bother you anymore?

Like Wanda said, the collective hearts of your friends and family members are probably in the right place when they bring up babies. But they are also clearly insensitive to your choice and how deeply you feel about not changing diapers or changing your mind.

So, it's time for a new approach. You could also be insensitive and bite their heads off at the next mention … or, you could just rise above it all. You've made your decision, you're at peace with it, and that's all that matters. After 20 years, you certainly don't have to explain that anymore. And since a few of these well-meaning folks will never be able to wrap their prehistoric brains around your choice, whenever the topic comes up, take a nice, cleansing breath, smile and tell them to move on because you already have.