Matt Hancock, Secretary of State for Health and Social Care, today announced that all social carers will receive a Blue Peter badge instead of the Personal Protective Equipment they’ve been begging for.

Hancock, who lost touch with reality and morality when he joined the Conservative party, said, “this will be a badge of honour in a very real sense, allowing social care staff proudly and publicly to identify themselves, just like NHS staff do with that famous blue and white logo.”

The badge will ensure social carers get access to the same privileges as health professionals and will also give them free entry to Lego Land and National Trust gift shops.

Matt Hancock says social carers are ‘very lucky boys and girls’ to be getting the badge

Critics accused Hancock of ‘getting his priorities wrong’ following news that instead of face masks, protective clothing and other vital equipment necessary to protect the lives of social carers and those they treat, they will receive a bit of plastic with a pin in the back.

Meanwhile, Captain Tom Moore, a 99 year old World War II veteran who can barely walk after a recent hip replacement operation has been walking up and down his garden path to raise money for the NHS, achieving a staggering sum of £9 million.

Captain Tom Moore – the hero we should all aspire to be

Performing the painful marathon with an indomitable spirit and resplendent in badges of honour which actually carry a meaning, Captain Tom’s extraordinary gesture not only demonstrates the limitless potential of human compassion but also throws into stark relief the utter moral vacuum of the Tory government.

With all limbs in perfect working order and no Tory MP under the age of 90, not one of them has given the NHS the financial support they need, leaving it to a man who has already done more than enough for his country to pick up the torch in their stead.