In case you weren’t familiar, borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health problem.

When someone has it, their attitudes, beliefs and behaviour can cause longstanding problems in their (and your) life.

It can be incredibly scary and incredibly daunting at the same time. You often struggle to deal with your own emotions yourself, let alone letting someone else in to get to know them.

Here are 12 things you should know before dating someone with BPD


1. There may be a day where we wake up feeling over the moon, but before the day’s out we may just want to hide under the covers and cry.



Know that it’s not you, and there’s nothing you can do but be there.

2. We may have fears of abandonment, and worry that you may leave at any given time.

Please do not call us paranoid or be angry at us. We’re not doubting you, we’re more doubting ourselves.

3. Please don’t question an unpredictable mood, simply ask how we’re feeling and if there’s anything you do.

Likely, there’s not, but it’s nice to know you want to help

4. More often than not, we can lose sight of who we are.

And sometimes, it’s as if we’re a whole different person depending on who we’re with at the time.

5. We often have strong urges and impulses to do something that may affect us in the future.

Whether that’s getting a haircut we’d never liked before, a tattoo we may regret or more personal things such as binge eating or self harming, It can be incredibly hard to fight the urge.

It’s almost as if there’s someone yelling at us to do it until we finally give in.

6. We may get incredibly down and have awful thoughts, such as suicide.

It can be scary, and we desperately need your support. Please don’t judge us or call us crazy.

7. No matter how many people we are surrounded with, it can get incredibly lonely.

We often feel isolated, and alone in our thoughts.

8. Alongside this, feelings of emptiness are inevitable.

But please remember this doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate you or know you’re there for us.

9. We’re sorry for every time we may have outbursts or get upset with you.

Please know we don’t mean it and we feel tremendous amounts of guilt for doing it.

10. But we never realise we’re doing it at the time.

It’s so hard to explain, it just feels like when we’re in a rage, we’re not ourselves. It’s as if something horrible has taken over our personality and, until we’re calm, the real us doesn’t come. It’s sad and scary.

The guilt we feel afterwards and the longing for your forgiveness is the worst thing about it.



11. We’re sorry in advance for waking you up for a hug during the night.

Broken sleep and nightmares that we desperately try to tame with medication have a way of haunting us.

12. We will love you more than you’ll ever know.

For all the times our outbursts take over, the paranoia sets in or the countless times we feel we’re drowning in our own emptiness, we’re sorry.

A hundred times over.

But we will love you more than you’ll ever know: For supporting us, for loving us and for staying.

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