MICHAEL Fallon broke out in a cold sweat earlier after realising Jeremy Corbyn’s name had not passed his lips for almost three hours.

Fallon, secretary of state for Warning People About Jeremy Corbyn, attacked Corbyn twice on breakfast radio and once at lunchtime before entirely neglecting his brief until almost four o’clock.

Fallon said: “Freaking out, I quickly rang up Channel 4 news and accused him of wanting to abort all non-transgendered Christian babies.

“Unless I, Michael Fallon, announce every hour that Jeremy Corbyn is an out-of-touch Marxist traitor, or a deluded communist stooge, or a raving defeatist tree-hugging leftie bastard, people will forget who Jeremy Corbyn is.

“That beardy, terrorist-loving wastrel.”

Nikki Hollis, a shop assistant from Dover, said: “I’d almost forgotten that Jeremy Corbyn wants to impose sharia law on the RAF, but fortunately Michael Fallon was there to remind me.

“He might look and sound like a vicar in the hysterical phase of a cocaine binge, but if this country is ever invaded by Jeremy Corbyn, I know Michael Fallon would protect us.”