Two Medieval Monks Invent Horses and Armed Warfare

MONK #1: traditionally, what do horses eat

MONK #2: traditionally? roofs

rooves?

roofs, all kinds

MONK #1: and their faces are typically

MONK #2: human eyes and human faces stretched into a long horse oval, yep

MONK #1: horses are also mostly the size of dogs right

MONK #2: mm

MOSTLY

but only if they’re facing backwards

MONK #1: which one

the dog-horse

or the horse-dog

MONK #2: oh it’s neither of both

MONK #1: ok thanks

MONK #1: okay but if there’s not a dog around, how big are horses

MONK #2: well that depends

are they going uphill or downhill

MONK #1: one of each

MONK #2: okay then however the size of whatever’s riding them is what size they are

MONK #1: thanks

MONK #2: also they have the same facial expression as whatever’s riding them, it helps them concentrate

MONK #2: when it comes to drawing a knight on horseback

just remember two simple artistic principles and you’ll never go wrong

1. no knees

2. pointed beak-feet

MONK #1: okay

MONK #2: if you have trouble remembering that

just remember how once you get on a horse your knees disappear

MONK #1: right

MONK #2: and your feet turn into claws

and that should help you remember

MONK #1: right right

MONK #2: also it’s VERY appropriate and good to bring a baby with a full head of hair to a battle

MONK #1: horses are how much just blanket?

MONK #2: mostly blanket, maybe 90%

or a cape or a gown if you can’t find one

MONK #2: also to make war more interesting a lot of people like to make sure their horses are blind before they get started

MONK #1: really?

MONK #2: just cover their eyes up with gold or blood or anything

MONK #1: where does the violin go

MONK #2: mm?

MONK #1: when two knights battle one another, where do you put the violin

MONK #2: over whoever is getting stabbed the most

MONK #1: really

not on the other one?

MONK #2: no

that one gets the cat

MONK #1: how about one-on-one combat, how does that work

MONK #2: one of you breathes fire but mostly you just talk it out

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