• Sell your home, then buy it back, then move it. That's what Clarkson's Newman family did when their home was expropriated to makeway for the QEW cloverleaf at Fifth Line. The family bought a new home in Erindale and moved, but when the Department of Highways listed the old structure for sale, they bought it and had it towed to Tea Lake to use as a summer cottage. (Aug. 17, 1966)

• Practice your Esperanto with lessons from Mrs. H. Gillam of Port Credit. Soon, everyone will be speaking this newly-created neutral language of the future. Mrs. Gillam's five-year-old daughter says her prayers every night in Esperanto. Nekredebla! (That means incredible, for you Esperanto newbies. Guess you better sign up for those lessons before you get left behind...) (Aug. 31, 1966)

• Brush up on the Bible after someone takes out an ad in the usually quite tame Coming Events listing of our Classified section (home of bake sale announcements and curling club tryouts) under the heading "Moment of Truth" advising of the return of Jesus to Earth in less than 10 years. The reason for his return at that time? To subdue the communists. Okey dokey, then. (Sept. 14, 1966)

• Have your tonsils removed, like seven-year-old Debbie White of 2472 Brockhurst Rd. because apparently there is no story too small for The Mississauga News in 1966. (Oct. 6, 1966)

• Share your love of the little fishies at a meeting of the Golden Horseshoe Guppy Club of Ontario. Call - no joke - Mr. Fisher. (Feb. 8, 1967)

• Go shopping with News reporter Ronald Lawrence, as he sets out to prove the housewife boycott of local supermarkets over high prices is a bunch of hooey. After finding plenty of bargains, he declares women are finding they can't stretch their food budget far enough because they are easily distracted by unnecessary items like "tissues in 11 assorted colours" which cost more to produce, but "today's women demand." (Nov. 9, 1968)

• Show off a daring in a new Christmas party outfit, as advised by by our Femme and Fancy column. Be it comes with a disclaimer: "A word of warning - keep party pants for intimate gathering where you are familiar with your hostess and fellow guest." Good advice, wouldn't want a party pants panic to break out so close to the holidays... (Nov. 23, 1966)

• If short on cash, dig out the lucky nickel cemented into cornerstone of Credit Valley School of Nursing next to South Peel Hospital (aka Mississauga Hospital) (Sept, 4, 1968)

• Join the Ville Riders motorcycle gang, lead by Rev. David Busby of Trinity Anglican of Streetsville and help raise money for charity (Sept. 11, 1968)

• Check out a Port Credit Jaycees talk by marriage counsellor and expert Arnold Thaw as he advises people eschew traditional arrangement, and just to "shack up," because traditional marriage will be gone by the year 2000, replaced by groups of five to seven families living in one apartment in a "group marriage" arrangement. Did we mention he was a bachelor? (Sept. 25, 1968)

• Sign up for baton twirling lessons at Ridgewood Public School Saturday mornings. (And keep your eyes open, it's never too soon to scout new members for your upcoming "group marriage" collective.) (Sept. 25, 1968)

• Keep an eye out for a man wanted in an assault near Enola and Lakeshore roads. He is described as 'sloppy and slouchy.' (Possible accomplices may include Sleepy, Happy, Grumpy or Dopey) (Oct. 2, 1968)

• Donate "game meat" including moose, deer and bear for refreshments for the police's annual turkey shoot Oct. 5, 1968 in Streetsville Park. BTW, It's BYOS (Bring your own shotgun).

• Weigh in at council on concerns over naming of Huron Park Recreation Centre, after someone points out the Hurons are traditionally considered foes of Mississaugas tribe, the town's namesake. Thoughts to change the name to Mississauga Recreation Centre obviously didn't pan out. (Sept. 4, 1968)

• Fuss up about making off with the Third Clarkson Scout Group's tug-of-war rope. They need it back. Please call Mrs. Pearse, and maybe this doesn't have to go on your permanent record... (Oct. 2, 1968)

• Join "live-minded women" (was that a typo or were these just some fiesty females?) for an evening with the Canadian Housewives Register, created for women "bound during the day with young children" and seeking some female chat. Topics will include hypnostism, interior design and wine making. (Nov. 6, 1968)

• Apply to be an order filler, picking out records at Capitol Records Malton warehouse (Nov. 12, 1968)

• Start your own police force - Port Credit Motors has 13 for sale, fully equipped and marked. Nope, don't see any way this could lead to trouble... (Nov. 20, 1968)

• Put a sign in your window and join the brand-new Block Parents program, letting kids know they can get help if they are lost or injured while exploring the neighbourhood (Nov. 27, 1968)

• Volunteer to roll all the the 6,866,255 pennies local trick-or-treaters collected for UNICEF in little cardborad boxes they carried around their necks on Hallowe'en night (Dec. 11, 1968)

• Stop letting your nylons bag around your ankles in public, if you don't want to be featured on our 'fashion no-nos' story on the Women's Page. Your children will be shunned at school. Your husband will be turned away from the club. Have you no shame? (Dec. 11, 1968)

• If you are under 18, curse the News for telling your parents report cards went home today. No hiding that F now, junior. (Dec. 18, 1968)

• Join the panic over a local outbreak of the Hong Kong flu, until the medical officer finally reassures everyone it's just plain old Canadian flu, so just blow your nose and calm down (Jan. 8, 1969)

• Follow the 'the-world-was-a-more-trusting-place-in-1969-apparently' advice of our business columnist and write down, and carry with you, your new seven-digit identification number so that you can make use of one of the new "computer wickets." These IDA (Identification, Dispensing and Accounting) machines dispense five pre-set amounts, in denominations of $20, with each note packed into a separate cigarette pack-sized plastic container. (Jan. 15, 1969)

• Cheese off your elders with logic like Grade 12 Holy Name of Mary student Miss Marilyn Sparrow, who momentarily stuns a panel of adult experts at a dangers of marijuana talk by suggesting that reefer madness could be stemmed by making it legal and profitable for the government by selling it through an LCBO-type regulator. (Jan. 22, 1969)

• Stock up on traps, as an early thaw flushes rats the size of "big cats" out of their dens and into the streets of Mississauga. Picture the running of the bulls, only smaller... (Feb. 5, 1969)

• Mull over the ramifications of the U.S. resisting the switch to the metric system, the world's final major holdout, as Canada's federal cabinet moves towards adopting it. With 90 percent of the world agreeing, should the U.S. be pressured into it? Otherwise, you know what they say, give them a centimetre and they'll take a kilometre...(Feb. 12, 1969)

• Marvel at the logic of a nine-year-old as he explains that his father could never get in a drunk driving accident, because he brings his "two or three crates of beer home," lies down on the carpet "and off he goes," thereby eliminating the risk of mishap because "he can't even fall down as he is already on the floor." Fair enough. (March 5, 1969)

• Visit the Meadowvale's new botanical gardens, council's all excited about building. (What? No? Didn't happen? Oh, never mind then. Scratch that...) (March 12, 1969)

• Attend funeral services for Lenvar Lee, founder of the Lee Funeral Home, will be held at ….wait for it…Lee Funeral Home. File under O for obvious. (March 12, 1969)

• "Drop in , crash and have fun" ('cause that's what the headline says...), at the new Ten to Six Club at 3819 Morningstar Dr. This new teen drop-in centre, born in the generously-provided basement of Mr. and Mrs. J. McCreary, features tinfoil-covered walls, low slung coffee or coke tables, and cushion covered floors." It runs 7:30 to 11:30 p.m. Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Admission is one candle (I kid you not...) (April 2, 1969)

• Heed the reminder to clean the tobacco residue off the inside of your windshield so you can see properly (April 2, 1969)

• Take pet care advice from group of 8 year old Grade 3 students from St. Dominic's School, whether it be Theresa Kelly's suggestion "get a leech for your dog" (whether a typo or a suggested companion is lost to time), Dianne Masson's can't we all just get along philosophy of "Dogs like you. Why don't you like them?," or the downright zen words of young John Gauci advising "Don't treat a dog like an animal." Right on, man. (April 16, 1969)

• Whip your family up a futuristic feast in one of the country's new home-use microwave ovens, which measure 15 x 22 x 17 inches. It boasts it can hold a 24-lb turkey. Take that, George Jetson. (April 23, 1969)

• Double-check the credentials of your boob tube installer, after ads in the paper warn that unqualified technicians have incorrectly hooked up some sets, leaving families exposed to dreaded "TV RADIATION." At least it's not the Hong Kong Flu... (April 30, 1969)

• Head to New York's Waldorf Astoria Hotel to catch the American premiere of Mississauga's 12-minute colour film "Land on the Move," promoting local industry at New York''s Waldorf Astoria Hotel. If you miss it there, the film, which won an award at Cannes Film Festival,will next travel to Montreal. (May 13, 1969)