Stars, they’re just like us on Twitter … petty, typically wrong, performative, occasionally correct, privileged, discriminated against, hot garbage. Last night gave us another reminder of that, as a handful of famous-person spats took place over Twitter. That sentence alone is enough reason to stop reading this, but —

[*Takes deep breath, puts on hat that makes one actually care about these things*]

So Nicki Minaj and Meek Mill are an item and they both have phones and/or tablets and/or laptops and/or desktops and they both were on Twitter and the MTV VMA nominees were announced and neither Nicki’s “Anaconda” nor “Feeling Myself” with Beyoncé got nominated for Video of the Year and Nicki was not happy about that and began tweeting about her snub, one that she rightfully felt upset about — except for the fact the award show in question is the VMAs, which is the current cultural equivalent of Fruitopia — and alluded that her snub had to do with the fact she isn’t skinny and that she isn’t like “other” women, then using the opportunity to discuss overall black female invisibility that happens in popular culture and then Taylor Swift got involved and Taylor took the message to be a Taylor subtweet and then ended up making it about Taylor because that’s what almost-’90s babies often do and then Nicki and Taylor went back and forth a bit and then Taylor, who I have to assume thought she would never be in the middle of another race tussle after becoming best friends with Kendrick Lamar and Uzo Aduba in the past year, said she’d bring Nicki onstage if she won on some it’s-about-girl-power-not-race stuff and Nicki was like nope Taylor when you do things it’s good and when I do the same type of thing it’s bad, America the Beautiful, white media you’re crazy.

Kevin Mazur/WireImage

On the other side of the couch, Meek was on Twitter like duh I didn’t get nominated for a VMA because I’m the realest and they give them to white boys and then he kept tweeting and kept tweeting and then suddenly brought up the fact Drake apparently doesn’t write his own raps and that when Meek discovered that Drake got mad and that’s why he didn’t tweet out Meek’s album — which is funny because now the two beefs are about the VMAs and tweets, which is very adult — but then Meek was also like Drake didn’t even write the verse on their song “R.I.C.O.” on Meek’s album and then he repeatedly used the word “dweeb” and then reminded everyone that his girlfriend Nicki is not responsible for his success and then said that he respected Kendrick and J. Cole even though they’re different and then talked about Jay Z a little bit and then continued to shade Drake, including naming the alleged Drake ghostwriter and then reminded everyone else one last time that he does not respect anyone who doesn’t write their own rhymes and then ended it in classic Meek style, after a night’s worth of tweets, reminding you that he’s not some Internet rapper but actually gullier than thou and will air out your business and cannot help but keeping it real and is the proud owner of a rent-controlled penthouse suite in jail.

Gilbert Carrasquillo/Getty Images

[*Exhales, takes off hat that makes one actually care about these things*]

They’re all rich. And tomorrow, because of this kerfuffle, they will be even richer.