KETTERING, OH—Caught totally off-guard by the sudden onset of unease, local woman Mary Inglewood confirmed to reporters Monday that her usual wave of dread had made an extremely rare daytime visit. “It’s only two o’clock in the afternoon—I’m not supposed to feel this gripped with anxiety for another 12 hours or so,” said the 37-year-old account executive, adding that ordinarily she is lying awake in bed, halfway through a sleepless night, when the crippling shudder of existential despair passes through her. “I mean, I just got back from lunch, and here I am completely panicked about what I’m doing with my life and whether I’ve made all the wrong choices. It’s so weird agonizing over whether I’m a terrible daughter when the sun’s still out and I still have two meetings to go to.” At press time, Inglewood had decided to just tough it out and hope her daily freak-out resumed its regular schedule tomorrow.

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