Like the majority of men my age, I’ve been a gamer for as long as I can remember. But it has always been cyclical. I’ve never given up games entirely, but at certain points in my life the hobby has faded into the background. My gaming might be a few runs of Jetpack Joyride instead of hours spent in Minecraft. During those light periods gaming was squeezed in between my wife, movies, work and the rest of my life.

“ These gaming binges corresponded to the periods in my life when things in the real world weren’t going my way.

“ If textbooks had achievements we’d all be geniuses.

“ This retreat into the world of video games is dangerous because it causes people to ignore their life exactly when it needs their attention the most.

“ Games create safe spaces for kids to experiment and express themselves.

But at other times I would lose myself in games entirely. I would “fall down the rabbit hole” and obsessively play World of Warcraft, Halo or that week's hot new game. I would play it every free moment (and some moments that weren’t free). When I wasn’t playing it, I was thinking about it. This would go on for weeks. If the game’s luster wore off, I would turn my attention to the next hot thing, sure that it would be the one to scratch this compulsive itch I couldn't put my finger on.I used to think my experience was normal. Sometimes I was just more into games than others. So what, right? It wasn’t until very recently that I realized, somewhat horrified, what was actually happening with this pattern of behavior.Games, especially modern ones, revolve around the principle that if you put the time in, you will be rewarded. Many gamers claim to not understand how anyone could put up with grinding in a video game. But grinding is comforting. Grinding tells us that, no matter what, if you keep playing you’ll become more powerful. If you keep playing, you’ll earn enough money to buy the things you want. If you keep playing, you’ll gain access to more levels and items and goodies.If something is too hard, you’re guaranteed a level-up in just a few more minutes.It’s a comforting thought, isn’t it? Just put in the time, and you will do nothing but progress. You will win. You can do everything. There are no paths closed off to you. You know that moment when you learn a game has a system where unused skills will degrade or weapons will break down, or that a game has an unadvertised "point of no return," and you recoil at the thought? That’s you wanting to have it all and keep all the progress you ever make.The real world does not operate this way. You can “grind” at a job for 10 years and still be laid off. You can “grind” at your physical health your whole life but if you switch to an unhealthy lifestyle you will immediately begin losing this progress.So it’s easy to understand why someone that feels powerless in the real world would turn to virtual worlds. Why people that get laid off turn to MMOs. Why people that have trouble in social situations might find comfort in The Sims. This is the trap that I have fallen into several times in my life.There are a limitless number of healthy reasons to play and enjoy video games. To recapture a sense of adventure . To compete . To exercise your brain . Or turn it off and just relax But I believe the empowering and interactive nature of video games makes them easier to abuse, and easier to consume for unhealthy reasons. I also believe video games are a more attractive leisure activity for individuals with obsessive leanings, or individuals with unhealthy tendencies towards destructive escapism. Fantasy and escapism aren’t inherently bad, but neither can come at the expense of confronting and embracing reality and living a responsible life.Video games also help players discover things about themselves. What kind of person do you want to be? When given free range to make dialogue choices or build a world, what do you create? People that would never pick up a paintbrush can do incredible things when given the right tools.All the good that games can do aside, what I have learned is that it’s important for gamers to understand their own motivations. I don’t believe anyone needs to stop playing video games, or necessarily even cut back. But everyone should strive to understand his or her own compulsions.It’s important for gamers to have mastery of their own mind. Are you grinding out a level in World of Warcraft because you’re truly enjoying the experience, or are you doing it to replace missing feelings of self-worth that you don’t want to confront? Do you revel in your virtual successes to avoid the uncomfortable internal dialogue regarding your abandoned gym routine?Are you playing games because you’re having fun, or because you have an unconfronted fear of failure?

Justin is Editor of IGN Wireless. He thinks a lot about the role video games play in his life & in modern culture. You can follow him on Twitter and IGN . For a more upbeat look at video games, read Why Video Games Matter