MONTREAL, QC—After giving a speech in Montreal yesterday, former US president Barack Obama met Justin Trudeau for a private dinner, during which the pair set a new world record by uttering the phrase "Dear God help us all" a combined 5,792 times.

According to witnesses working in the kitchen at Montreal's Liverpool House, Obama walked into the restaurant and gripped Trudeau in a hug, at which point both men whispered to each other in unison, "Dear God help us all."

"Dear God help us all" was then uttered another 270 times each immediately after the two sat down at their table. As both men contemplated the state of the world under current US "President" Trump, they stared at each other in an exhausted, terrified silence. After 20 long minutes, Obama boldly broke the tension by pounding the table with his fists and shouting, "DEAR GOD HELP US ALL."

"Dear God help us all", Trudeau agreed thoughtfully, wistfully even, as he slowly reached out his hand and, choking back tears, placed it on Obama's forearm to soothe him, fully aware that not even the gentlest touch could help comfort a man who had built so much for his country despite the profound and mind-boggling obstacles, only to watch it all get thrown in a raging dumpster fire by a petulant orange child in an ill-fitting suit.

Christophe Janicki, a longtime server at Liverpool House who waited on the men last night, reports that when he arrived at the table to take their drink orders, both Obama and Trudeau could only mutter "Dear God help us all" at a barely audible volume. At this point Obama had moved to Trudeau's side of the table so that the two could hold each other tightly and try not to tremble so much.

"I took their suggestion and just kind of improvised," Janicki shrugs. "I had the bartender whip up a custom drink called 'Dear God Help Us All'. It's just straight-up vermouth with a full bottle of vodka for a chaser."

Dear God help us all.

As the dinner progressed, Trudeau and Obama were able to enjoy precisely four moments of relative levity, during which they chatted about their kids and summer plans.

"But as soon as the summer came up, both of them suddenly seemed kind of unsure about whether the world would still be intact by that point," Janicki explains.

A heavy silence descended. Trudeau stared into his drink and shook his head.

"Dear God help us all," he said.

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