There are millions of people who have considered purchasing a Bentley. The vast majority of them have decided against it after discovering that the vehicles require regular injections of a noxious and combustible substance known as “petrol” (street names: gasolina, hi-test, Slurpee). Worse, this petrol must be procured from specialised dispensing stations, most of which lurk beneath freeway flyovers and in rough parts of town.

But Continental considerers may reach once again for their chequebooks, thanks to this week’s announcement of an on-demand fuel-delivery service. Rather than sully their tyres on the macadam of a BP drive-through, Bentley owners may now use a smartphone app to notify “Filld for Bentley” that their automobile requires a bit of that nasty stuff and have it delivered to the bemarbled cul-de-sacs of their vast estates. A truck of petrol will arrive at the appointed time, zeroing in on the car’s location and unlocking its fuel cap, and then dispense only the highest quality petrochemicals (garnished with an artisan Bourbon-cardamom cherry*) into the awaiting tank. The service will roll out first in California, because where else would an on-demand fuel-delivery startup start up?

The service will roll out first in California, because where else would an on-demand fuel-delivery startup start up?

Filld for Bentley is a part of the marque’s Connected Car initiative, a suite of technologies that makes the vehicles part of the Internet of (very expensive) Things. The goal, according to Christophe Georges, Bentley’s Director of Product and Marketing, is to provide Bentley owners with “the greatest luxury of all: more time.” Further advances of the fuel delivery service may include predictive fuel ordering, in which your car will autonomously call Filld to arrange a discreet pump, meaning that you, Bentley owner, need never think about stopping for gas again. And for an extra monthly fee, Filld will even place a paint-matched silicone disk over your Mullsanne’s fuel cap,* so you need never be reminded of the existence of petrol.

This is clearly a valuable service, one that is not ridiculous in any way, but — as habitual contrarians — we feel that we must raise some thorny issues.

Is not the whole point of having an amazing car to drive it to places where there are guaranteed to be other, lesser cars?

Does Filld charge for the petrol that their delivery trucks burn getting to your Bentley? And do you have to tip for that, too?

Where will the wealthy procure their Slim Jims? (Note to self: Pitch investors on Jerx, the Uber of desiccated meat product delivery services.)

How will we monitor the health of Demi Lovato without regular paparazzi shots of her filling up her Bentayga?

We are confident that the engineers of Bentley Motors are hard at work on those problems.

*These features have not been specifically announced, but may be reasonably inferred.

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