The first Democratic primary debates will take place next week in Miami. Because of all the (mostly white male) randos running, they're going to be spread out over two nights. The good news is that you don't have to watch them, because the real show will be taking place on Twitter, the popular social networking website.

Buzz inside Trump campaign: POTUS planning to live-tweet Democratic debates next weekhttps://t.co/6GIDxw9F7B via @WSJ — Michael C. Bender (@MichaelCBender) June 18, 2019

No matter what happens on the debate stage next week, President Donald J. Trump has already won. He won't even have to get dressed or leave his bedroom to demolish the entire Democratic field with epic owns. Here's a preview of what to expect at the first debate:

Cory Booker

Julián Castro

Bill de Blasio

John Delaney

Tulsi Gabbard

Jay Inslee

Amy Klobuchar

Beto O'Rourke

Tim Ryan

Elizabeth Warren