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Black Moon Lilith (or BML) is loaded with intrigue. Sexual power, obsession and anger are her instruments, so when she’s activated in synastry, it’s not surprising that dark undercurrents are brought to the surface of the relationship. However, she’s also loaded with mystery. There are no clear definitions of how she works in synastry (or the natal chart, for that matter). She does not submit to tidy categorizations. I can’t claim that I’ve been studying her for years, but she has caught my attention lately. So I dug up some case studies with an eye for BML connections in male/female relationships.

First, a quick review of the technical details. There are actually three Liliths: an asteroid (#1181), Dark Moon Lilith (a rarely seen second Moon/dust cloud that orbits the earth) and Black Moon Lilith. This article is concerned with BML, which is the furthest point of the Moon’s orbit (the lunar apogee). There is a Mean and True BML. The difference in degrees between the two varies, and together they make up a corridor — a range of influence between the True and Mean points. However, for the sake of simplicity, I work with Mean Lilith.

Pop over to Astrodienist to locate Mean Lilith (Lilith in their menu) and True Lilith (h13) in your chart. Darkstar Astrology features a more detailed explanation of the three Liliths, plus a technical definition of Mean and True.

Lilith has a colourful history. She was Adam’s first wife. Rather than submitting to him, she left the Garden and lived in exile. In Sumerian and Jewish mythology, she is associated with female demons. In the natal chart, she represents wild female sexuality and the anger that comes from being denied, rejected or cast out. She is the outsider and the unacceptable sexual presence, a stealth combination of Uranus (without the detachment), Pluto (without the rebirth) with Mars thrown in for good measure. Perhaps because of her association with darkness, she is not clearly felt in the natal chart unless she makes tight aspects (5 degrees max) to natal planets or angles. Or, until she’s activated in synastry.

Black Moon Lilith in a Woman’s Chart

A woman’s BML is her source of anger, obsession and sexual power, all rolled into one. Some women own their Lilith, using her energy to make themselves heard, no matter how unacceptable their message is. Or, wielding their sexual influence in a way that empowers them, no matter how uncomfortable it makes other people. Others are owned by her, becoming consumed by her destructive rage and constantly feeling shut out of where they want to be. And some have no concept of her presence until she’s awakened by another person.

Hard aspects (conjunctions, squares, oppositions) to a woman’s Lilith from a man’s planets will strongly activate her issues around being desired/not desired and accepted/not accepted. All this is dependent on her chart, and the planet, of course. Lilith contacts are sexual, but the results are varied and unpredictable. A man’s Mars (action and desire) conjunct a woman’s Lilith can be smoking hot (for both people) and can empower Lilith, making her feel like a queen being received by her man. Or, this connection can be a constant struggle as she kicks against his domination. An opposition from his Saturn (limits and authority) to her Lilith can feel terribly restrictive. While there will be sexual attraction, it may not ever fully manifest, as Saturn blocks her at every turn. He’s afraid of what he’s awoken. If she’s sexually confident, his Saturn may be the disapproving judge keeping the unacceptable woman at arm’s length. If she’s caught up in Lilith’s anger, she may throw herself at him, frightening him with her rage/neediness/demands for acceptance. This can be the bewildering connection that pushes her crazy button and exposes her to parts of herself that she does not want to acknowledge. If this sounds rather dramatic, remember that Lilith is dramatic. She’s not pretty at the best of times, and when thwarted, she can be downright ugly. Note that for all her darkness, she’s not inherently evil. “Raw” is a better word to describe her, although her wild energy can certainly be twisted in destructive ways. Trines and sextiles from a man’s planets to Black Moon Lilith are usually much nicer, validating her sexuality and encouraging her power.

If your BML is activated and you find yourself getting caught up in obsessive patterns, know that you cannot compel the other person to love or accept you. His acceptance is not where your true nourishment lies, and the harder you push, the more you’ll manifest the “Lilith as angry outsider” scenario. Black Moon Lilith’s true power is within you, but the difficulty lies in confronting the very uncomfortable energy that’s been awakened. One of her keys involves accepting what you cannot have, and where you cannot go. The painful paradox is, when she’s activated, she often lusts after the very thing that’s not available to her.

Black Moon Lilith in a Man’s Chart

In a man’s chart, Lilith represents how he deals with female power. Some sources have suggested that his Lilith describes the type of woman (by sign and planetary aspects) that he fears and desires the most. I would say that his Lilith shows the type of woman who makes him intensely uncomfortable, and how he deals with that is a reflection of how he handles power dynamics with the opposite sex.

Again, there will be sexual attraction with a Lilith contact. But there’s no suggestion of harmony, or even getting to first base. If your Sun conjuncts a man’s BML, he’ll feel your presence on an animal level (BML is not about love or empathy). But there’s no guarantee that he’ll pursue you to the ends of the earth. What is for certain is that there will be a struggle for dominance as your ego triggers his issues with female power. He may respond with anger, defensiveness or a one night stand that never develops further. Or, he may run in the other direction. Then again, if there are other contacts between you that provide stability and emotional connection, you could be a powerful force that he embraces. It all depends on how comfortable he is with a woman who will not submit.

Lilith contacts have absolutely nothing to do with commitment or stability. What they do is provide an initial shove that grabs his attention and focuses it on you. An easy aspect from one of your planets to his Lilith is much easier for him to handle. Let’s say your Neptune trines his Lilith; you have the potential to become his erotic fantasy. Your Neptune can take the edge off his Lilith fears while adding a hint of addiction. Suddenly he’s chasing the dream of his Lilith down the path he was previously nervous about treading.

Many synastries have no BML connections. This does not mean that the relationship is lacking in passion or depth. By itself, even the most powerful Lilith conjunction is not enough to draw two people together. As always, you must start with the basics (aspects between the ten planets). These are the building blocks of any relationship, and Black Moon Lilith is an additional undercurrent. Having said that, if she is strongly aspected in synastry, she can cause significant pain, along with attraction.

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