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Dear Grace,

Please allow me to extend an apology and profound regret on behalf of many men everywhere who read the account of your “date” with Aziz Ansari and found ourselves shaking our heads in frustration that yet one more guy has pulled this shit and left yet another woman in tears.

Truly, it fills me—and I’m sure many other men—with anger that guys like this keep pushing way past the boundaries of a woman’s comfort zone, doggedly trying to just ‘take’ what isn’t being offered freely.

But what might have been hardest for me to read was this line: “You guys are all the fucking same.”

Because that must be a terrible thing for you to have come to believe. A belief that I can actually completely understand, given the recent climate.

But I’m wondering there’s a chance I can help change your mind–even just a little bit. If nothing else, at least try to provide you with an evening that makes you feel valued, appreciated and respected.

I would like to take you on the date you should have had.

One filled with courtesy, manners, consideration of your feelings and preferences, and absolutely no pressure whatsoever for anything physical. One where your enthusiastic consent is the bare minimum requirement for even something as innocent as an order of fries. And no reason whatsoever for you to end up in tears on the way home. The kind of date that makes you glad you’re alive, glad you live in New York, and glad you took a chance on meeting someone new.

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I even live in the same area as Aziz, in NYC. Although going back to Grand Banks won’t work as it’s closed for the winter, and I’d understand if you never want to return there again, anyway. But we’ll find someplace else that makes for a date worth remembering. We could hit up a local jazz joint, take in a photography show at an art gallery, who knows. I’ll ask you what kinds of things that make you happy and then I’ll throw out a few options. And if you’ve a place you’ve been dying to go to, I’m all ears.

The point is this: Your voice, your feelings, your preferences matter. Nothing will be decided unless it puts a huge smile on your face.

You will have your choice of wine–although since you prefer red, hey, happens that’s my favorite, too. There will be no pressure to “get out of here” in any hasty fashion. All wine, water, or cocktails will have their chance to be finished. All conversations will have their chance to reach their conclusion, flow naturally and be full of laughs. I’ll ask you about your passions, what inspires you about New York, where you grew up, and maybe even which comedy show you’re going to watch next now that neither one of us are ever going to watch “Master of None” again. 😉

And speaking of your love for vintage cameras, I even have an old Zeiss camera I just inherited from my dad that maybe you can show me how to use.

But I promise there will be no tricks. No mind games. No “slick moves.” No bullshit “let’s just chill” routines with an ulterior motive. No surprises. Not even an invitation to return to my place. Just an authentic person sitting across from you who wants to have a lovely night on the town.

I will be well-dressed, meet you on time, offer to pick you up, and hold doors and even offer to pay for the check–unless of course, you prefer to go Dutch. My phone will be on mute, it’ll stay in my pocket, and you’ll have my full attention. And if you like dancing, there’s a place in Tribeca that has an awesome flamenco band. I suck at salsa, but I’m pretty solid with swing dancing.

At the end, I’ll offer to walk you home, get you a Lyft (c’mon, Uber?), or let you just get yourself home, if you prefer. No pressure for a second date.

It’s heartbreaking to me to think you no longer want to trust a single guy again, so I’d like to show you there are still a few good eggs out there. We might not be famous, or have the outrageous “success” that Aziz has, but we respect women as we would our own sisters or mothers, never read books on how to be “player” and we don’t get any enjoyment out of a date unless you’re wildly happy. I’m sorry Aziz turned out to be a human bulldozer. But let’s see if we can tip the scales in the other direction.

Please email me if you’re interested, and if not, I’d completely understand. Maybe you’re already in a relationship now with someone who’s earned your trust. But if not, I hope you’re able to give at least some guy another chance down the road, and I hope he proves himself worthy of your company.

Trevor Marlin, [email protected]

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