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It’s bound to happen eventually. At one point or another, everyone makes a humiliating mistake while speaking Spanish. But whether you’re aware that you have committed such an error is another question entirely.

The following are some of my favorites that were overheard in Spanish in Argentina or unfortunately committed myself (being a mediocre at best Spanish student). Hopefully all you readers out there can learn from these mistakes and avoid committing these same Spanish fails yourselves! Here we go:

Best Spanish fails overheard

Intended word: remera (t-shirt)

Intended statement: I would like that T-shirt over there please.

What was said: “Quisiera la ramera verde ahí por favor.”

Translation: I would like the green whore over there please.

Conclusion: Just like most languages only one letter of a difference can mean hilarity for your unintended audience.

Intended word: vergüenza (embarrassed)

Intended statement: I was so embarrassed.

What was said: “Yo tenía mucho embarazada.”

Translation: I was very pregnant.

Conclusion: Ouch, we’ve all heard of this one. One of the most common beginner mistakes using the logic, “Just put an O or an A at the end of the English word you want to say and maybe it will be close” technique. Clearly, this doesn’t always work out for the best.

Intended word: pera (pear)

Intended statement: I would like 5 pears please.

What was said: “Me gustaría 5 perras por favor.”

Translation: I would like 5 bitches please.

Conclusion: The rolling of the R, when used unnecessarily, could win you a harem.

Intended word: cono (cone)

Intended statement: I would like a small cone please with vanilla.

What was said: Quisiera un coño pequeña por favor, con vanilla.

Translation: I would like a small pussy please, with vanilla.

Conclusion: Watch that ñ! Granted that coño is slang in Spain, most of the Spanish-speaking world understands that word.

Intended word: tomar (take)

Intended statement: I took a cab.

What was said: Cogé un taxi.

Translation: I humped a taxi.

Conclusion: You can always spot an Argentine on a flight because of this one. Most Spanish speaking countries have announcements on planes that use the word “coger” as in “to take” for the safety instruction segment. Argentines primarily use the word to refer to sex.

Intended phrase: No way!

What was said: Mi en pedo!

Translation: Me in a fart!

Conclusion: Tricky phrase that has crushing consequences if used wrong. Be sure to use the N and not the M. “Ni en pedo ” means “no way”. (Seriously, we have an entire article about farting phrases here if you’re interested.)

Intended phrase: I read it in a forum.

What was said: Lo leí en un forro.

Translation: I read it in a condom!

Conclusion: Once again that tricky roll of the R is not necessary. Forro being the Argentine slang term and foro, with 1 R meaning forum.

Intended word: years (años)

Intended statement: How old are you?

What was said: Cuántos anos tenés?

Translation: How many anuses do you have?

Conclusion: The Ñ pronunciation should be especially focused on to avoid this error.

Intended word: hot (calor)

Intended statement: I’m hot.

What was said: Estoy caliente.

Translation: I’m horny.

Conclusion: Caliente can be interpreted as slang for horny, but in general means hot.

Intended word: excited (emocionante)

Intended statement: I’m really excited to be here!

What was said: Estoy muy excitado para estar acá!

Translation: I’m really horny to be here!

Conclusion: I’ve heard different opinions on this one, Argentines and foreign students alike. Many Argentines believe this word is more commonly used as slang for horny. Others claim there is nothing wrong with using it as an adjective.

Intended statement: I don’t care (Me chupa un huevo)

What was said: Me chupo un huevo

Translation: I sucked my own ball

Conclusion: Conjugations can be especially important when using reflexive verbs or verbs with pronouns. For more Argentine slang in swearing territory.

Intended word: cancha (playing field, pitch)

Intended statement: Fueron a la cancha de golf (They went to the golf course)

What was said: “Fueron a la concha de golf”

Translation: They went to the golf pussy.

Conclusion: Golf pussies, exclusive and elegant locations, are located throughout the Buenos Aires area. Some are renowned for their prestigious and well maintained putting greens.

We hope you enjoyed the schadenfreude!To improve your Argentine slang (dubbed “Lunfardo“) and avoid these Spanish fails yourself, check out Swearing Translated, or Helpful Phrases in Argentine Spanish.