Written by Roger Goodmen

A sad and terrible tragedy has occurred in America today. Another senseless tragedy of a Godless Islamic heathen committing violence against defenseless teenagers that could have been easily prevented with an AR-15. We here at Bullshit News express our deepest thoughts, condolences, and prayers to the children at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School. No one should be shot at unless they are committing a crime.

Recently, mass shootings have been a problem in America, like opioid overdosing and liberals. Like Heroin, it became popular in the 90’s, when two gamer losers that went to Columbine High School did the Columbine thing. These children do not learn to defend themselves in school but merely run around their school or specified football field as a means to run away from their problems. This is irresponsible and an example of the waste that the Obama Administration handed over to Trump in order to give him a more difficult time in office. These defenseless children can’t run away from their problems like bullying and opioids, they need to learn how to shoot back, and hard.

I don’t mean to be convoluted, but if just one of these boys at school were allowed to have a gun, we would not have to make this article. No amount of Kung Fu, Karate, or Krav Maga will stop a gun to the face, let alone a semi-automatic sporting rifle. The fists can write, but they cannot penetrate the skull, spleen, or bones. Our children do not know proper firearm protocol, and we see the consequences. Libtards, before offering any prayers or thoughts of the sort, complain after every single mass shooting that certain members of the noble Republican party have received money from the NRA. Well of course they have. What’s wrong with that? Do you know how much money each Democrat congressman receives from lobbying efforts? That horrible argument from leftists promotes logical fallacies. It’s a feature, not a bug.

Our children need to learn how to shoot back, to save themselves and ourselves from having to write more articles about tragedies. They need to stop learning Algebra and start learning how to use a handgun, it’s a lot more practical. Algebra was invented by Godless Islamic heathens to pass time in the 600’s or whatever. A handgun was invented to protect your ass from someone trying to stab you. We are living in a world where virtual reality video games exist to warn us the dangers of abortion, so why do innocent kids and women die from these senseless violent thugs that have nothing better to do than express their Second Amendment rights in public?

Our children must learn that being an American means adequately defending yourself no matter the scenario, whether it’s a mass shooting at a postal office, at a movie theater, airports, YMCAs, zoos, so-called “gun free zones”, or a public school. Americans are aware to be alert and to be prepared, so it is necessary that our children learn to defend themselves from the inevitability of death by learning how to use a firearm for self-preservation from our public schools. It is the only sound solution for a horrific and awful tragedy that can be easily prevented by purchasing more guns to defend ourselves from the horrible people out there.

Roger Goodmen is an intern for Bullshitnews.org. He is a Senior at George Mason University double majoring in Political Science and Economics. Roger is a person of color and is not afraid of living in liberal reality with his hardcore anti-establishment conservative bully pulpit. He currently lives in an apartment near GMU with his feline-of-color cat named Carlos.