Gandhi And Sexuality

By Stanzin Dawa

22 September, 2006

Countercurrents.org

W e always associated Gandhi with morality and ethics. Sex being a misunderstood essential component of our life has always been ignored to discuss from Gandhian perspectives. Time and again sex has been considered as a sin, ugly, animal, dirty, madness, immoral, evil, and abnormal a barrier between you and God. What lesson we can learn from Gandhi's life on sexuality and sexual health? Was Gandhi a lustful human being? Did Gandhi transform the sexual energy into spiritual and social energy? Did Gandhi say "Kastuba is my mother"? Was Gandhi a faithful husband? What makes Gandhi so strong, influential and powerful? Can we extract some messages from the Gandhi's sexuality for today's youth for a healthier, safer and happier lifestyle?

Unwanted pregnancies, abortion complications, raped, sexual harassment, extramarital affairs, promiscuity, pedophilia, STDs and HIV/AIDS are more common and visible in the present world. When Gandhi was 16 his wife was pregnant and his father was nearing death. Gandhi was tending his father when his uncle came to relieve him. The young man returned to his room where his wife asleep he woke her and began to satisfy his lustful desire. Within minutes a servant knocked and said, "Your father is no more." Gandhi said "This shame of my carnal desire even at the critical hour of my father's death... is a blot I have never been able to efface of forget, and I have always thought that although my devotion to my parents knew no bounds ...yet it was weighed and found unpardonably wanting because my mind was at the same moment in the grip of lust. I have therefore regarded myself as a lustful, though a faithful husband. It took me long to get free from the shackles of lust, and I had a pass through many ordeals before I could overcome it"

Sex is a natural instinct; Gandhi was also the victim and victor of sex. Sex despite modernity and our liberal scientific education remains coloured by shame and taboos, but for Gandhi the shame includes his lack of self restraint and this in turn led his failing to meet the duty to nurse his sick father. The shackles of lust thus become a sign of his weaknesses and inadequacy. The moral of the story is sex can distract your attention and focus if you could not restraint yourself.

During his law studies in England Gandhi met with an old lady in a restaurant. She helped him to explain the menu, which was in an alien language to Gandhi 'French'. She invited him to her house and became good friend. An interesting incident has taken place while Gandhi was in the company of that old lady. Gandhi writes, "Ever since we met at Brighton you have been kind to me. You have taken care of me even as a mother of her son. You also think that I should get married and with that view you have been introducing me to young ladies. Rather than allow matters to go further, I must confess to you that I have been unworthy of your affection. I should have told you when I began my visits to you that I was married. I knew Indian student in England dissembled the fact of their marriage and I followed the suit. I now see that I should not have done so. I must also add that I was married while yet a boy and am father of a son. I am pained that I should have kept this knowledge from you so long. But I am glad God has given me the courage to speak out the truth. Will you forgive me? I assure you I have taken no improper liberties with the young lady you were good enough to introduce me. I KNEW MY LIMITS....I must speak the truth. If after this, you do not reject me but continue to regard me as worthy of your hospitality, which I will spare no pains to deserve, I shall naturally be happy and count it a further token of your kindness ."

The above writings of Gandhi clearly reflect his courage, commitment, convictions, and faith in "Truth is God" irrespective of its consequences. He, who is clean within cannot remain unclean without. Any tainted person could have taken the advantage of liberties to satisfy the carnal desire but for Gandhi sex was not a mere physical interaction it's beyond it. His courage to speak the truth shows his will to remain faithful to his wife and his staunch faith in God. God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. It also reflects his love, care and trust on his wife and himself. Today individual and family norms and values are breaking down. Mother, sister, daughter and wife are no safer, daily thousands of innocent girl is being raped, molested and harassed. A man who behaves like a beast is worse than the beast. Today we have many civilized beast in the form of human. Gandhi was more modern than today's generations, modernity should not be judged from flimsy clothes and cosmetics wearing on the body but how beautiful you are from within. How Gandhi managed to speak the truth? What was the reason behind that? Gandhi was born and brought up in an electric religious environment. His parents were deeply spiritual and God fearing. Parents and family plays a significant role in socializing of child and shaping his personality. What type of children you want? An honest, sincere, loving, caring, understanding and hard working than you have to live a life with all these qualities because for your child "Seeing is Believing". Your child is watching you day and night and tries to become a person like you. Its time you should question yourself that what type of parent you want to be. He, who is unable to rule self, can never succeed in ruling others. Even a little untruth destroys a man, as a drop of poison ruin milk. Un truth corrodes the soul and truth nourishes it. With this spirit Gandhi lived his life.

Blind is not he, who has lost his eyes, but he, who hides his shortcomings. "I know my limits and I must speak the truth" reflects not only Gandhi's weaknesses but also his strength. Some time if your shortcomings come out at the right time it becomes your strength also. A right cause never fails; and true word never hurts in the end. The old lady responded to Gandhi's letter as "I have your frank letter. We were both very glad and had a hearty laugh over it. The untruth you say you have been guilty of is pardonable. But it is well that you have acquainted us with the real state of things. My invitation still stands and we shall certainly expect you next Sunday and look forward to hearing all your child marriage and to the pleasure of laughing at your expense. Need I assure you that friendship is not in the least affected by this incident?" As Gandhi said, "Truth is God" the old lady might have seen the God in Gandhi's truth. The way she has pardoned and welcomed him to visit her place clearly reflects that ultimately it's the truth that prevails.

While blessing a newly wed couple, an Upanishadic sage said to the bride, "May you be the mother of ten children and, ultimately, May your husband become your eleventh child." If passion is transformed, the wife can become the mother; if lust is transformed, sex can become love. Gandhi's life illustrates the transformation of sexual energy into spiritual, moral, social, political energy. Around 1930, Gandhi went to Ceylon with his wife Kasturba. The host thought that Gandhi's mother had come with him because Gandhi himself calls her Ba, meaning mother. In the welcoming speech, the host said how very fortunate they were to be honoured by Gandhi's mother, who was accompanying him on his trip and was seated beside him. Gandhi's secretary became very nervous Gandhi said, "It is a happy coincidence that the friend who introduced me has, by mistake, spoken the truth. In last few years Kasturba has truly become my mother. At one time she was my wife, but now she is my mother" Marriage is a beautiful institution of dwelling of two souls harmoniously. It's a journey to explore the beauty of life and love. Walk with hands in hands while looking in the same direction. It is an opportunity to know the beauty of life, love and care. It is a life time experience to realize how life becomes beautiful when loves come into it. Marriage is not a meeting of two perfect people but two imperfect people living and loving perfectly. Like any other relations it is also based on trust, love, care and understanding. Frequent divorce and extra marital affairs are common in today's world. Divorce and extra marital affairs not only damage the relationship but also give negative repercussion to the child development. Gandhi's relationship with his wife is a lesson for today's youth for stability, commitment, trust, transformational and transcendental love.

Gandhi with the consent of his wife has taken the vow of Brahamacharya in 1906. Brahamcharya means realization of Brahma. Brahamacharya stands for the protection of the body, the mind and the soul. To control the senses of thought, word and deeds. "I had been wedded to a monogamous ideal ever since my marriage, faithfulness to my wife being my part of the love of truth" Gandhi after discussing with Raychandbhai about Mrs. Gladstone's devotion to her husband question himself "What then, I asked myself, should be my relations with my wife? Did my faithfulness consist in making my wife the instrument of lust? So long as I was the slave of lust, my faithfulness was worth nothing. To be fair to my wife I must say she was never the temptress....it was my weak will or lustful attachment that was the obstacle. Even after my conscience had been roused in the matter, I failed twice. I failed because the motive that actuated the effort was none the highest....I had failed because I had no faith in my self and no faith in the grace of God...Even when I am fifty six years; I realize how hard a thing it is. Every day I realize to walk on the sword's edge, and I see the every moment of eternal vigilance. So long the thought is not under the complete control of the will, Brahamacharya in its fullest is absent...curbing of mind is more difficult than curbing of the wind. Nevertheless the existence of God within makes even control of the mind possible. Let no one think it's impossible because it's difficult."

For a Brahamachari life becomes perpetually renewed every day. The more one indulges oneself, the unhappy one becomes. What seem impossible is not always really so. Gandhi's consistent effort and faith in God has made him successful. Purity is tested when it is tested against impurity as the will power of Gandhi was tested many times to break the vow. He failed twice but never loses his heart. He promptly realized the cause for his failure and worked on it without any delay. The secret of success is to know your weakness and convert into strength at the earliest. Nothing is impossible for a true devotee, having faith in God means faith in your self. Gandhi's faith in God has helped him to maintain the vow. Renunciation, which does not spring from the heart, cannot be abiding. There is a popular saying that promises renunciation and resolutions are made to be broken. This is only true for the people those who are not true to themselves and God from within. Man is where his mind not where his body is. As sex lies in the mind not in the organs, organs are the agents of expression of sexual desire. Gandhi's vow for Brahamacharya was love for his wife and love for the truth. Brahamacharya has made Gandhi a spiritually sound and emotionally balanced intellectually sharp and socially more concerned humane. Brahamacharya is not mere abstain from sex it's beyond it. Gandhi spiritualized every aspect of life Brahamacharya was a vow for spiritualization of sex.

Gandhi dealt with the problems, which are timeless and universal, because they spring from the inherent weakness of human nature and human society. Since the solution he found for them were eternal varieties, his influence and his relevance are also timeless and universal. It was found that Gandhi is believed to be more relevant in the present 21st century in this era of modern science and technology, conflict and violence. Gandhi has touched every aspects of human life in order to make the human's life more purposeful, peaceful, productive, progressive and healthier.

The author is a scholar on Gandhian and Peace Studies at International Center for Gandhian Stuides and Research New Delhi stanzindawa@gmail.com