LARS: We've got a treat for you all today, a new Defender's Quest II story post courtesy of our writer James Cavin, a preview of the latest art, and -- the first of several tracks composed by legendary Final Fantasy composer Nobuo Uematsu!

Yes you read that right, several. Our initial deal with Nobuo Uematsu was for just one track, so we were surprised when instead we got nine. Some of these were short little diddies (think of a "Victory fanfare" or "going to sleep at the Inn" tune), but a few were full-length songs. So today you'll get to listen to one of the latter :)

Some quick housekeeping updates:

We just released Spanish and Italian translations of the original Defender's Quest.

The original Defender's Quest is currently 50% off on Steam this week!

The HD remake of Defender's Quest (see here and here) is nearing completion. The HD remake will be a free update for existing DQI owners It will use existing Steam/GOG/Humble store "slots" Save files will be tested for seamless compatibility You will still have access to the old "legacy" Defender's Quest build if you want DQHD is a native C++ app, so no Flash or AIR in any shape or form on any platform Yes, this means our Linux builds will finally not be a huge pain to install.



Since DQHD is powered by the DQII engine, DQHD's release will mark the end of foundational DQII engine work. After that "all" that's left for us to do will be to finish DQII content. Here's a rough schedule:

Next month or two: public demo of DQHD

End of 2015 (tentative but looking good): DQHD release on PC (Mac/Windows/Linux)

Q1 2016: DQHD release on certain home game consoles (unless there's certification delays)

When it's done: DQII

Now on to the good stuff! Take it away, James:

Javir Deathschild here, Scavenger Captain and inveterate liar, with an exciting opportunity for YOU!

The good news is that you aren't crippled, old, or deformed. The GREAT news is that you can become that way for FREE!

I'm here to talk to you about the amazing opportunities that await you in the Scavenger Corps. CUE EPIC MUSIC!

direct link in case you can't see the audio player

Are you pumped? I'm PUMPED! Pumped with patriotism! Pumped with valor! Pumped with the bathtub gin I made in our communal wash bucket! But mostly, I'm pumped about everything that the Scavenger Corps can do for you!

Case in point: join in the next 15 minutes and get your first battlefield amputation completely FREE!

But don't just take my word for it:

Thanks to the Scavenger Corps, I've cut my sleeve expenses in half! I don't even know what to do with all of the extra ration cards! …Sometimes, I stuff them into my old uniform to make a dummy and then dance with it – what? Why is the interview over? I've got so much more to tell you about! Don't you even care that we're getting engaged? How can you say that about him right in front of his face?!

– Paku Nessa, Scavenger Captain

Anyways, back to that EPIC MUSIC! Yeah! SCAVENGER CORPS!

See, GLIZZERAT needs YOU! Take a look at the sky above you (just in case you've never looked up your entire life).

Actually, that's looking down. Are you even listening to me? Also, are you hovering 7000 feet in the air several miles outside of town? And… if so, are you some kind of winged super being that can breathe the toxic atmosphere outside? …Can you poop on things midflight? 'Cause that's something I've always wanted to be able to do.

That's better! See the giant force fields around the city that keep the mirk out and the breathable air in? All of those (as well as air filters, water purifiers, well pumps, teleporters, and all the other stuff we rely on to stay alive) are powered by ancient technology. I say ancient, because at some point in the last millennium all of our egghead engineers who are supposed to make this sort of stuff decided to pop stupid pills and lose the ability to manufacture replacement technology.

Yeah, I'm talking about you, Azuri.

What do you mean humanity's centuries-old technological regression isn't your fault? Oh yeah, well if you're so smart, how come last time I was dropping off salvage at your workshop you didn't notice that I stole all of your cookie stash? I didn't even eat them! I just poured them into a big pile and then slept on top of it while muttering "I'm so smart and Azuri's so dumb she has no cookies and I have all of them ha ha ha ha ha ha hmm crumbs get into weird places when you sleep on baked goods."

So, because lame engineers like Azuri have to spend their entire lives studying just to be able to tell which end of a shield generator goes up instead of learning how to make new stuff, every time a piece of technology wears out the only way it can be replaced is by salvaging replacement parts from other ancient technology. That's where you and I come in.

The process goes something like this:

The Duke goes: "The shield generator in the Manufacturing District is starting to wear out. We need a replacement one, but we're too dumb to make it ourselves! Please save our educated, ruling class butts, Scavenger Corps! Also, I'm Azuri's dad, and that's the only reason that she hasn't been thrown out the airlock for being too stupid."

Then Commander Legari (the leader of the Scavenger Corps) goes: "Hey, my favorite piece of expendable monster fodder- I mean, valuable Scavenger Corps recruit - go out into the wilderness and find us a replacement shield generator in some ruins or something! Also, Azuri is so dumb I'm amazed that she can breathe and walk at the same time."

Then you step outside and die horrifically because mirk is instantly lethal to human beings.

Man, that whole living inside of a toxic atmosphere thing is kind of a bummer, huh? What if there were a better way of tackling the problem than just stepping out the airlock into instant oblivion?

Ooh, I know! What if we get all of those good-for-nothing engineers to build an airtight life capsule, complete with its own water and air purifiers and all that other good stuff you need to stay alive! Then we just strap that thing onto the back of one of the many animals that can breathe mirk just fine and let it carry us out into the toxic wasteland! All the sweet loots shall be ours!!!

Problem is, what do you do when you find that shiny new shield generator? You're stuck inside your airtight life capsule, and your mount (despite being super awesome and well trained and his name is Bitey which is short for Bites the Faces off of Our Enemies and Dances in Their Arterial Blood Spray and he's my best friend in the whole world and when I'm crying myself to sleep at night because of the terrifying aloneness that no amount of motormouthed bravado can fill up he always knows the right thing to say which is nothing) does not actually have opposable thumbs nor the ability to excavate salvage.

Worse yet, what if that shiny new shield generator is stuck right in the middle of a razor crab hive?

This is where the eggheads come back in.

See that shiny metal thingamajig on your chest? The one with all the wires and stuff?

That thing's the key to being a scavenger. It's also probably hundreds of years old, because, while our engineers are terrible at making anything new and good, they're great at keeping old stuff (made back before the Great Stupid Pill Epidemic) held together with shoestring and spit and running almost reliably!

Take good care of that thing, because your Teleportation Thingamajig (technical name) is your lifeline. When you come across that shiny new shield generator sitting in the middle of a razor crab hive, your dashingly handsome and blindingly intelligent Captain (with impeccable fashion sense) is going to mash a button on his big console of Captain-ness and some crazy ancient technology magic is going to zap your Thingamajig (and you along with it) right out of the ship!

What's that, Azuri? You take umbrage with the word "magic"? Of course I know what I'm talking about! Oh, your research indicates that the technology may be powered by some connection to the world's natural magnetic fields, but without further study you can't make a definitive statement? What's that, what you just said is simply Nerd for "we don't know how it works"? So in other words… magic! MAGIC! It's so much more exciting.

Where was I? Right! You are magically magic'd out of the ship with ancient magic!

…As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, your so-secure-in-his-self-worth-that-that-didn't-even-hurt-his-feelings-at-all-and-he's-totally-not-going-to-cry-himself-to-sleep-tonight Captain mashes a button and ancient magic magically teleports you outside of the ship and into a location of his choosing!

WHAT?! Right into the MIRK?!!

Don't worry, you're totally fine! (Except for the 20% of you experiencing technological failure, in which case, can I have your stuff?) There's more MAGIC to be had!

Your Teleporter Thingamajig (technical name) will generate (I mean, magic-enerate) your very own personal sized oxygen bubble! Just like the ones around Glizzerat, but person shaped! How awesome is that?!

Some boring people will try to tell you that it is suspected this works by an electric interaction with mirk particles blah blah blah, but as your Captain I can assure you the real answer is magic.

Now, don't get too ahead yourself and start sprinting around. I realize that magic is very exciting stuff, but it has its limitations.

You remember how the city of Glizzerat sprints around all over the place as fast as it can and its shields always catch up? What's that, it doesn't because the energy – I mean magic – that powers the shield generators is sent to a specific set of coordinates and if the city leaves those coordinates then its beleaguered but ruggedly handsome Captain wouldn't be able to update those coordinates fast enough and the whole city would dash straight out of its own force field and also it's a city and cities can't sprint around because they don't have legs although it would be kind of awesome if they did? Well, the same rules apply to you: stay put if you still want to be able to breathe and also not melt from the inside out while screaming "Why, why didn't I listen to my stern but still hip and handsome Captain and now my mostly liquefied respiratory tract is dripping out of my nose?"

This brings us to our next point: once you get outside (and don't instantly die due to technological malfunction and/or personal stupidity), you'll be expected to fight whatever horrific, gibbering monstrosities stand between you and that tasty, tasty shield generator.

Fun fact: 90% of scavenger casualties happen when fresh recruits try to run from their first battle and sprint right out of their oxygen shields. Less fun fact: your lungs turn to jelly when they come into contact with high quantities of mirk, such as the amounts you would inhale while running around screaming "Aaaah why does it have so many eyes?! Why are all of eyes looking at me? Why does each eye have two distinct sets of mandibles that keep making snipping noises as it squelches towards me?!" More fun fact: in small amounts, mirk is actually a powerful hallucinogen, so if you know what you're doing, those long road trips don't need to be nearly as boring. Ambivalent fact: prolonged exposure to mirk, even in small quantities, has been linked to respiratory ulcers, dementia, and chronic incontinence. Guess those road trips just got even more interesting!

Where were we? Right! Time to fight some monsters! Let's pump that EPIC MUSIC and let Master-Sergeant-at-Arms-and-Hats Terevan Deathschild show you how it's done!

direct link in case you can't see the audio player

With a right!

And a left!

If your Captain's really good, he might even manually adjust your shield to allow just enough mirk through to activate its performance-boosting properties but without any of its performance-making-your-insides-melt properties. Totally radical!

Boom! Pow! Zap!

Your enemies scatter before your mirk-tweaking sword arm! Nothing remains but shattered corpses and that sweet, sweet loot! The shield generator is yours!

You parade back into town a conquering hero! Hordes of scantily clad dancing girls hurl flower petals at your feet! Armies of nubile slave boys bring you platters heaped with cookies! You are Glizzerat's CHAMPION!

About the Author:



Javir is a world-renowned – no, universe-renowned – Scavenger Captain from the city of Glizzerat, missing his left leg shortly below the knee, and a borderline pathological liar with a great fondness for capes and an obsession with cookies. He is quite skilled at the manufacture of bathtub gin, and also holds the Glizzerat City (maybe even World) record for time spent balancing a spoon on one's nose (the two skills are possibly related).

His first book, "CAPTAIN JAVIR'S GUIDE TO SURVIVORNESS-ITIVITY" sold something like 700 bajillion copies. He currently lives in a crystal palace with his wife, the Queen of the Lingerie Model Fairies. Everyone likes him and wants to be his friend.