You’ll all be thrilled to learn that Christian preacher Todd Bentley, last seen explaining how kicking women in the face was a way to heal them, has resurrected 35 people thanks to the power of God:

I actually have a “raising the dead” tent that I’ve used for 10 years in Africa… I actually put a sign on my tent called “dead raising tent.” And people go, “Why do you have a tent called ‘dead raising’?” I go, “Well, if I’m preaching in a city and anybody dies, I ask them to bring them to the meeting, we put them in the tent, and we pray over them, and if nothing happens, we bury them.

I said, “give me two days.” I mean, so if they’re fresh — the closer they are to freshly dead — the easier they are to resurrect. The more days they get in there, once you get past the four day mark, it’s [trails off].

… we really do pray for the dead to be raised. Literally. Literally. Whenever we have opportunity, we at least go for it. If nothing happens, we bury them…

We’ve prayed for probably a thousand resurrections. Literally. And we’ve had 35 resurrections of the dead, testimonies of people raised from the dead. Some of them I’ve seen right before my eyes.