New research from the US Census Bureau shows something a bit strange in the era of powerful feminist organizing. Apparently when women earn more than their husbands, both spouses lie about it.



About one in four heterosexual couples that the census looked at had wives that earned more than their husbands. In those cases, though, husbands over-reported their income while their wives under-reported their own. (The census sorted all this out when it matched couple’s answers to their actual IRS filings.)

Now, we can’t know for sure why the exaggeration happens – perhaps couples want to present themselves as more traditional to the census, maybe husbands feel insecure about making less or wives are anxious that their salary difference will “emasculate” their spouse. Whatever the reason, though, it serves as a good reminder that it’s not just political equality we need to fight for – it’s equality in the culture, and our relationships.

If we don’t have parity in our homes, we won’t have it in our country

If we don’t have parity in our homes, we won’t have it in our country. And if men and women aren’t even comfortable talking about equality, how can we expect anyone to fight for it?

The truth is that with all the cultural gains made by feminists, there is still a long way to go in the domestic sphere. Women still do the vast amount of childcare, housework, as well as the mental labor that goes into running a home – and that’s regardless of whether they have a full-time job or not.

And while American men are more progressive generally about housework than in years past, there are still some issues that they remain staunchly conservative on – like women changing their name. A 2017 study, for example, pointed out that 70% of Americans believe women should change their last name if they get married, and a whopping 50% believed that it should be against the law for them to do otherwise.

Even for progressive men, there’s a difference between believing in or fighting for equality in the public sphere, and living by those values in your own home. I worry that in a time when so much of our energy is going towards the vast political battles, that we’ll neglect the cultural progress women still need to make.

A tremendous part of the right’s strategy right now is – incredibly, considering their president – about “family values”. They’re telling their supporters that progressives and feminists have gone too far; they’re pushing for a regressive vision of America that very much includes men being the heads of state and the heads of households. If that’s where their focus is – ours should be too.

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Of course it makes sense that we’re worried about the supreme court, or the rollback of abortion rights and harassment in the workplace. These issues have become even more urgent since Trump took office, and we can’t afford to ignore them.

But if this latest research from the census shows us anything, it’s that even in one of feminism’s most powerful moments, women still internalize messages about what is acceptable female behavior. And that decades after we started fighting for equal pay, the idea that women could outearn their partners is still considered taboo or undesirable.

Falling back into traditional gender roles is easy when you’re busy worrying about other things. So even in the face of political overwhelm, let’s not forget the fight at home – literally.

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