LABOUR leadership candidate Liz Kendall is beginning to wonder if aspiration is less effective than she had thought.

Kendall, tenaciously fighting for last place in a field of unparalleled unpopularity, has always firmly believed in the power of aspiration and hard work but is now wondering if she was an idiot all along.

She said: “I have always believed that if you dare to dream, if you put yourself out there and take risks, then you may take knocks but you will be rewarded.

“That’s my vision for the Labour party, and it’s a vision that I’ve come to realise is grievously flawed.

“It turns out that a lifetime’s aspiring isn’t worth shit when the members are going gaga about a lost CND Doctor Who who won’t shop at M&S for reasons of class war.

“Aspiring – or deciding you’d like something, as non-wankers call it – does absolutely shit all for your actual prospects.

“Thank God I won’t become prime minister, because clearly I had it all wrong.”

Roy Hobbs said: “I aspire to the life of Hugh Hefner, which has made no difference to my reality in a Sunderland bedsit with occasional cash-in-hand work exterminating rats.”