Note: I usually write about issues relating specifically to students, but this blog attempts to address both student groups and non-student groups. I think it is something that all group leaders and skeptical communities should think about.





Why do the atheist, freethought, and skeptical movements seem to completely ignore the fact that adults frequently procreate? I have heard that college-educated and non-religious persons tend to have fewer children and to have children later in life, but why is parenting a topic that is almost entirely left out of discussion and consideration in most freethinking communities? Why don’t any of the most well-known skeptics and skeptical sources of information seem to be tackling any of the following topics (and what is stopping them?):

The list goes on and on, and the bullshit surrounding parenting is so prevalent, yet I rarely see these topics covered at meetings or in our publications at all. Why? Do people think these are issues that only women are concerned about? I hope that’s not the case because that would imply that women’s issues are not important to our community, to which I would have to disagree. Do the leaders and distributors of science and reason in our movement not care because there are other sources of skeptical and science-based parenting info out there? Because 46% of Americans have at least one child in their home, so I am going to go ahead and assert that this is not a niche market.

All of the topics listed above are things I have learned about via discussions with my mostly skeptical brothers and sisters who have recently had children. They have shared with me some of the garbage that people are saying and thinking regarding many parenting fads and common issues that arise for new parents. A lot of people in the world look at these topics with very little skepticism: if it is “natural” and “toxin-free,” they will pay gobs of money for these products because they’re terrified of hurting their children and want only to do what’s best for them. If someone they trust tells them that they should be doing, or not doing, something for their children, they fear making the wrong choice. Plus, they follow advice from people who are not always qualified because these people seem to have helped other parents, so they must be right…right?

I’m not calling anyone stupid (wanting to do what is best for your children certainly makes sense), but I am saying that we could really have an impact if we occasionally cover these topics in group discussions, lectures, and publications. And even if these topics are more specific to parenting groups and parenting magazines, couldn’t we at least try reaching out to parents to see if they’d be interested in such material? I can think of a bunch of secular and skeptical parents who would gladly talk about raising their children with or without Christmas, the tooth fairy, pseudoscientific “natural” products, and so on. I’m not a parent, but I probably will be in the next five years, so I would love to attend something like this, not to dictate what I should do, but to hear what other people have learned, and what they see as a problem or best practice. Sure, it would alienate the childless crowd if we devoted all of our talks to parenting issues, but could we just try to do one thing to involve parents? Just one? Once? Do you think someday we could get really ambitious and encourage parenting columns in our favorite free-thinking publications and ask for daycare at at least some of our events? I’d volunteer to hang out with some kids during an event, and I know that several of the people who volunteered for Camp Inquiry were thrilled to play games and help teach the kids that participated. I doubt that there would be a shortage of people to help with this (I know that I usually have more volunteers than tasks).

One hot topic relating to skepticism and parenting is circumcision. I appreciate this debate and have been able to talk to several people about it—something that my own mom told me she never could have done when she and my dad were getting ready to have children. I joined some discussions on this topic and have seen posts and information that opened my eyes to the idea of choosing based on evidence. There does not seem to be a clear answer for everyone, but at least by using our skeptical brains and looking into reasons for and against circumcision we have been able to actually achieve the somewhat immeasurable goal of “raising awareness” and encouraging new and future parents to do what is right for their families by reading and asking instead of following an old tradition with no thought of deviating from the (possibly harmful or unnecessary) norm. Sure, many people who don’t have kids may not want to engage in these discussions, but I definitely wanted to do so and I don’t have kids, so it is not that these talks are exclusive to current parents. I know that someday I will likely be a parent (because I want to be), and I would like to know some of these things before my 9-month cram session. Plus, I think that many people who don’t plan to have children still care about the tiny citizens of our world and want to make sure that they are receiving the best healthcare and education, among other things.



This kid needs daycare.

We should be accommodating parents, too.

When I was involved with Center for Inquiry–Michigan, they often attempted to accommodate families by providing childcare and having family/child-friendly events. Sometimes it was utilized by members, and other times the demand decreased significantly, but at least it was an option. At least they tried. Plus, the Secular Summer Retreat is tailored to adults and children alike, which means that whole families can come enjoy their time together with other freethinkers, atheists, and skeptics. No one has to stay home! Even students at CFI–Grand Rapids Community College held events where children were welcome, and these were huge successes! I know many non-traditional students and young parents loved this because it allowed them to share their passion for skepticism and freethinking with thei

r beautiful and brilliant children. It made all of CFI–Michigan a stronger community, and I hope that bringing this to the attention of our movement will encourage other groups (both community and campus groups) to do the same.

There have been several discussions about the reasons that some people (especially atheists) are choosing not to have children, and I think it is great that people are starting to be able to talk about this without being shunned (though it seems the overwhelming majority of people in general are still intolerant of the idea of not having children), but let’s not pretend that none of us are going to have kids. That is a huge step and turning point in the lives of people that do expand their families either through biological means or otherwise, and letting parents know that they are welcome in the skeptical community could do wonders for our causes. Consider how we could have affected the anti-vax movement had we actively invited new parents, especially mothers, to our events and welcomed them into our circles (you know, having meaningful and compassionate discussion instead of pounding them over the heads with science). If we offer daycare or programs for kids as well as open discussion on issues surrounding children, I think that we could not only do the double-duty of making our parent-members feel more welcome, but we also could draw in many more people, and allow children to grow up knowing that they are valued as part of our community.

I know that most freethinking students are probably several years away from having kids, if they choose to at all, but I hope to point out that parenting should not be off-limits or ignored. I think a lot of people would appreciate it and I believe we would all learn something.

And if my plea to get more parenting and family issues discussed in our movement along with accommodation for people with children has not yet convinced you that your group should try this, consider one thing: churches and religious groups have been doing this for probably thousands of years and I am pretty sure that my parents drug me to church for eighteen years just for the free daycare and cookies, so please, find a way to try this. Make sure students with kids can be accommodated at some or all of your events and see if you can help your local non-student secular and skeptical groups with childcare. There may already be students in your group that love working with kids, or adults in your groups that are qualified to do so. This would give them a chance to help out and do something they love and it would provide them with a volunteer position to list on their resumes.

The future freethinkers of America will thank you.