BEVERLY, MA—Noting that, oh shit, the little guy really went down hard, sources close to the situation confirmed Thursday that a toddler just face-planted right onto the sidewalk. “Oh, Jesus, he was walking fine and then—bam—down he went,” said onlooker Danielle Roper, who watched as local toddler Lucas Novich tripped and just slammed face-first into the concrete, damn. “Oh my god, he didn’t even get his hands up in time. He just crashed into the pavement. Christ.” At press time, fuck, that kid was really screaming.

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