Sometimes It’s Too Much

Unlike his brother, Gerardo wasn’t prone to violence when his pills ran out. By July, when most of his medications were gone, he drifted into his own world, standing calmly in a corner for long spells as the rest of the family sat in the living room, watching television. He would look up and answer a question now and then, but it was as if he were dreaming elsewhere.

“We call him our Swiss Guard,” Mario said wryly.

Waiting in line and scrounging for medicines are not the only daily struggles for the Simeone family. The real trial is holding the strained, at times violent, household together.

Accel still hears voices in his head, which now tell him that he can no longer sleep in his bed. He has moved to his parents’ room. Mario and Evelin’s grown son spends the night with them.

Guilt haunts Evelin. She is troubled that she has not searched as hard as she can for medicine for Gerardo.

“I am tired,” she said. “This is too much sometimes.”

She began to cry and walked away. Accel looked up, sensing something was wrong.

“It’s allergies again,” she told him.

The tiny house feels cramped, with a sense of cabin fever. When there is enough medicine to clear his mind, Accel takes to writing new hip-hop lyrics. One is about his relationship with Gerardo. Another, called “The Lights Are Out,” tells of the constant blackouts in his neighborhood.

Accel opened his bedroom door and pointed at lyrics written on the wall. Every inch has been covered by his frenetic writing.