*banner reads beard enthusiast meeting* *bunch of people with beards are standing around* man 1: nice beard man 2: ok. i have a confession to make... man 2: this isn't actually my beard man 2: it's just a several well-trained squirrels that sleep on my face man 1: i have a confession to make too man 1: this beard is just hair i collected from my dogs. i was jealous of your beard *3 others approach the 2 men talking* man 3: we overheard you guys talking man 4: i think we all have something to confess *next week* *banner now reads beard envy support group* *all the men and standing around beardless staring at a picture of a person with a beard*