In January, many of us resolve to develop better habits – and that’s a good idea, because habits are the invisible architecture of our existence. We repeat about 40% of our behaviour almost daily, so if we change our habits, we change our lives.

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There is no shortage of advice about how to change habits. Do it first thing in the morning. Start small. Reward yourself. Do it for 30 days. Make a list. But sadly – as the majority of us know only too well from experience – there is no magic, one-size-fits-all solution.

The most important step – and a step that, oddly, most habits experts ignore – is to understand ourselves. Once we recognise the essential aspects of our habit nature, we can tailor habits to suit ourselves.

It is easy to assume that if a strategy worked for Steve Jobs or for a neighbour, it will work for us. But that’s just not true. Consider this popular tip: “To stick to that [fill in the blank] habit, wake up early and do it first thing.” Great advice for morning people; but what about night people, who are more energetic and productive later in the day? Night people often fail if they try to follow a particular habit early in the morning. Not because they’re lazy or undisciplined, but because they’re night people.

Similarly, we’re often advised to indulge in moderation, to allow ourselves the occasional “cheat”. But some people (like me) find it much easier to abstain altogether from a temptation, like sweets or a video game; for abstainers, having some is far harder than having none.

Some people do better by starting small; others, by starting big. Some people are simplicity-lovers; others, abundance-lovers. Some people need accountability; some defy accountability. Such distinctions matter.

More broadly, in planning for habit change, it is crucial to understand how differently we respond to expectations. We all face two kinds of expectations: outer expectations imposed on us by others (a doctor’s orders, a work deadline) and inner expectations that we impose on ourselves (start meditating, keep a New Year resolution.)

In my “Four Tendencies” framework, I identify four types of habit natures:

• Upholders respond readily to both outer expectations and inner expectations: “I do what others expect of me – and what I expect from myself.” Upholders find it fairly easy to change their habits.

• Questioners question all expectations. They meet an expectation only if they believe it’s justified, so they follow only inner expectations: “If you convince me why, then I’ll comply.” To stick to a habit, they need reasons.

• Obligers respond readily to outer expectations but struggle to meet inner expectations: “I don’t let others down, but I often let myself down.” To stick to a habit, they need outer accountability.

• Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike: “I want to do what I want, in my own way.” To stick to a habit, they need choice and freedom.

Consider a habit that many people want: eating healthier. An Upholder succeeds when he decides how he wants to eat; a Questioner succeeds when she understands the reasons for a particular eating plan; an Obliger, when his partner asks him each day what he ate for lunch; a Rebel, when she thinks: “The food companies aren’t going to get me hooked on their nasty processed foods.”

Facebook Twitter Pinterest ‘A Rebel will only succeed in eating healthier when she thinks, “the food companies aren’t going to get me hooked on their nasty processed foods”.’ Photograph: Dominic Lipinski/PA

We’re all different when it comes to mastering our habits. In fact, while I’ve identified 21 strategies for habit change, most of these strategies don’t work for everyone. A few strategies, however, are almost universally useful.

For instance, we can all use the “clean slate”. When we enter a new situation, our old habits are wiped away, and new habits form more easily. New house, new job, new school, new romance? It’s a good time to start bringing your lunch to work.

We’re all sensitive to convenience and inconvenience, so make it easy to do right and hard to go wrong. Keep healthy snacks at your desk so you don’t use the vending machine. Store junk food on a high, out-of-the-way shelf.

When we monitor ourselves, we behave better, even if we’re not consciously trying to change. Track your consumption: how many beers, how many cookies, how many times you eat fast food in a month. Weigh yourself every day. And we all benefit from using “if-then” plans to safeguard our good habits. If you go to a party, if you go on vacation, if it’s a holiday, then what will you eat? Decide in advance.

If you want to change a habit in 2017, think about yourself. What kind of person are you? When have you succeeded in the past? What appeals to you? What can you control? Don’t assume that if only you kept your desk clear, you’d be as productive as your clutter-free colleague. Don’t force yourself to keep a to-do list if you loathe the very idea.

It’s simple to change your habits – when you do it the right way for you.