Does absence make the heart grow fonder? Study says yes

Molly Vorwerck | USA TODAY

It's long been taught by the book of love, but now scientists suggest that absence truly does make the heart grow fonder, particularly when it comes to intimacy.

According to a new study published by the Journal of Communication, couples in long distance relationships have more meaningful interactions than those who see each other on a daily basis, leading to higher levels of intimacy.

The study, co-authored by psychologists Crystal Jiang of the City University of Hong Kong and Jeffrey T. Hancock of Cornell University, also suggests that individuals in such relationships are more likely to idealize their partners.

Jiang says that the major difference between long distance and geographically proximate relationships is that long distance lovers have limited face-to-face interactions. In an effort to keep the romance alive, couples will engage in more frequent communication and discuss deeper issues, such as love, trust and future plans.

"Besides communication frequency, they also adapt their messages, for example, by focusing on more limited but relationally intense topics," Jiang, who is based in Hong Kong, wrote in an email to USA Today. "The intimacy developed here is a psychological closeness – it doesn't include physical or sexual intimacy."

The 63 heterosexual couples cited in the study were in their early twenties and had some ties to Cornell University, whether as a student or the student's partner. Most long distance pairs had been separated for 17 months, typically because they attend different schools.

The researchers asked participants to fill out one week's worth of daily online surveys regarding the quality and quantity of communication they had with their significant others.

Researchers found that most of these interactions were via text, and that although long distance couples reported fewer interactions per day, they used more channels of communication, including video chats and phone calls.

According to Jiang, about 25 to 50 percent of college students in the United States are currently in long distance relationships, and around 75 percent have been in one at some point in their undergraduate careers. With Skype, FaceTime and other advanced means of digital communication, she says, its easier to connect with your sweetheart when he or she is a state away, across the country or even on the other side of the world.

"As a researcher, I'm not surprised with the results because it can be explained by the adaptive nature of human communication," Jiang wrote. "But for the general public, I bet they are surprised. One of the reasons is that they strongly believe long distance relationships are challenging."

The results did not come as a shock to others in the field.

With the advent of new modes of communication in the past ten years, long distance relationships, long considered less than ideal scenarios, have come to be viewed as more manageable, says Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist with the New York Presbyterian Hospital who is familiar with the study.

"All this technology has made it seem more doable, but also for the twenty-somethings, the reality is that we're in a world where people increasingly move around to get jobs and internships," Saltz says. "The rise in long distance relationships is a function of technology, the job market and the social environment -- the world is being perceived as an ever-shrinking place."

Susan Whitbourne, professor of psychology at the University of Massachusetts, Amherst, who studies long distance relationships, says that these findings make sense in light of what scientists know about human behavior.

"When you're not there with the person every day, you're not seeing their highs and lows, and you're not exposing them to your feelings," Whitbourne says." You can create an ideal image of your significant other which builds intimacy."

If anything, the results should give hope to young couples embarking on these types of relationships, she adds.

"People are more mobile now then they have been in the past, especially in college," she says. "You could be in South Africa and your boyfriend is here in the States, but you really can keep it going."