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In any normal election cycle, you might charitably describe the presidential primary season as an unserious sideshow populated by off-brand triers and forgettable also-rans. But something about this season's mummer's farce has fast-tracked the entropy into further political absurdity. It's like watching an emergency evacuation of an overstuffed clown car into a somehow even more overcrowded, less reputable clown car.

Many of the candidates' appeals to our baser sympathies, as we discussed here recently, have come in the form of memes: Lindsey Graham teeing off on a cell phone like the kid picked last for the tee ball team, or Rand Paul playing with his big-boy tools. That's in part, perhaps, because the Republican field has never had to contend with such a pestiferous, billowing cloud of attention-grabbing antimatter as they've seen in the form of Donald Trump, a flesh-contoured steam vessel piloted by a series of tiny, frightened goblins with expired real estate licenses. That may explain why Rick Perry felt compelled to challenge Trump to a pull-up contest last week. All of this, mind you, even as they insist that they're determined not to contend with Trump on his own terms, because, well, you know what they say about fighting a pig in the slop... You both end up getting dirty, and Jeb's still going to get the nomination.

But with nearly a year to go in this already interminable primary process, there is a lot of time to fill, so many of the wannabes, like Ted Cruz, are, under the impression that their best chance to win us over is by doing what many spend all day doing: goofing off online. Cruz, who previously showed off his talent for Simpsons impressions, stepped back into the Relatability Simulator 5000 today to once again tap his sense of humor. The gag this time, cooked up with IJReview, is, get this: cooking bacon on a machine gun. It's funny because everyone online loves bacon and also it's the year 2011.

"There are few things I enjoy more than on weekends cooking breakfast with the family," Cruz intones as the video begins, somehow not even managing to sell the veracity of that statement. "Of course in Texas, we cook bacon a little differently than most folks."

Cruz then proceeds to wrap the muzzle of the machine gun with bacon, as promised, squeeze off a few rounds, and then, with all the enthusiasm of child tasting cauliflower for the first time, take the tiniest little bite of bacon anyone has ever taken in the history of bites or bacon. Manly stuff, to be sure.

What's the point here, and what does it have to do with Cruz's ability to lead the country? Nothing, and it doesn't. But that's par for the course now in the year of the Content Candidates. And what's worse, it isn't even an original bit. As many online have pointed out, YouTuber Dustin Ellermann pulled off a similar stunt back in March. His video has gotten almost a million views since then. Anyone know where Ellermann stands on immigration and health care? Based on his ability to generate views, he's got as good a shot as a lot of these jokers.



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