The ultimate Worm Quartet ex-girlfriend song.

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Timothy F. Crist

(C)2003 Timothy F. Crist

January 17, 2004

MP3 3.2 MB

128 kbps bitrate

0:00 minutes

Story behind the song

The requisite ex-girlfriend song. I used to write a lot more of these, but unfortunately I've been in a happy marriage for four years, and thus my relationship angst level has been low. But one of my exes (with whom I had a horrible breakup years ago) was stupid enough to send me an e-mail recently, trying for some inexplicable reason to re-establish contact with me, and rather than do something stupid like reply, I wrote this song.

Lyrics

(1) Remember when we used to hold each other close And gaze so deeply in each others’ eyes Remember how I said I’d never let you go And how you swore you’d never tell me lies (You do? Well…) All I remember is the way you nonchalantly squashed my heart just like a cockroach on the floor All I remember is the happiness I felt the day I finally kicked your skank ass out the door (2) Remember when you were the best part of my life The reason I got up to face the day Remember how you swore you’d always stay by me And love me for forever come what may (You do? Well…) All I remember is the nights you’d go out drinking and I’d pray the cops would find you somewhere dead All I remember is the way that all my dishes became airborne and flew right into my head (Chorus) Now please don’t think I’m ranting cuz I’m bitter I’ve found somebody new and I’ve moved on But if only your name rhymed with twisted psychotic slut I’d have a great idea for a song (3) Remember how we used to drive down to the beach And walk along the seashore hand in hand Remember how we used to sit and watch the waves And spell out our initials in the sand (You do? Well…) All I remember is the whining and the moaning and the griping about every little thing All I remember is how soundly I could sleep when I dreamt of your lifeless body festering (Chorus) Now please don’t think that this is all just hindsight I’ve felt this way about you for so long And if only your name rhymed with sadistic lying bitch I’d have a great idea for a song (Bridge) Oh your name…might as well Rhyme with psycho whore from south of hell Cuz of all the crap you put me through back then Oh if only your mom and dad Had named you something that rhymed with “walking talking maxipad” Think of all the clever tunes I could have penned Cuz Becky rhymes with yecky And Missy rhymes with pissy And Susie rhymes with floozie And Patty rhymes with fatty Elizabeth rhymes with kiss-of-death And Eleanor rhymes with smelly whore And Marigold rhymes with hairy-holed And Lauren rhymes with scorin’ Celia Linda Park rhymes with “Feel ya in the dark” Daisy Rhoda York rhymes with “Easy ho ta pork” Rhonda Lynn Mae Stutback rhymes with “Fondlin’ my buttcrack” I’d pay you to change your name to Shelly Hunt HEY! (4) Remember when your latest hunk of throbbing meat Had left you for a tighter piece of ass Remember when you called me sobbing on the phone And begged me to forgive you for your past (You do? Well…) All I remember is that lab rats don’t push levers After taking an electric shock or two I’d rather duct tape a live wire to my groin than take a death march down memory lane with you (Chorus) Now please don’t think I want to be your friend now I’d rather see John Goodman in a thong But if only your name rhymed with back-stabbing heartless tramp I’d have a great idea for a song Yes if only your name rhymed with manipulative conniving whore I’d have a great idea for a song Yeah if only your name rhymed with worthless cheating worm-ridden butt-ugly bile-sucking skanky smelly slutty waste of flesh, fat, and bone that makes me want to donate my entire life savings to NASA in the hopes that someday they’ll make a time machine and I can retroactively give your parents a box of condoms I’d have great idea for a song

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