A local man has taken to Facebook to announce his retirement from virtual raves, suggesting “they ain’t what they used to be”.

Self-proclaimed “original house-head”, Tom Evans, confirmed the lack of atmosphere, sound quality and all-round general dickheadiness of the youngsters who attend these things as the main reasons he’s called time.

“When I first started virtual raving back in March 2020, it was all about the music” explained Tom. “You could dance how you want, and express yourself. There was an honest sense of unity because it was new and we were all part of it together. Probably a bit like the acid house explosion of 88/89.

Nowadays it’s all chat boxes and screens, with no emphasis on the tunes being dropped” continued Tom.

“Believe me when I tell you it isn’t the same anymore. So many knobs who don’t know a thing about house music or the scene, who are only there to look cool. These are the people who ruin it for true music fans like me.”

Wunderground can confirm Tom was referring to his own children, aged 7, 9 and 13, who went to check on their dad after he was overheard shouting “want a bump”, “only do half as they’re strong” and “banger!” at his laptop at 9pm last Saturday night.

