For about 6 minutes on a bright Tuesday afternoon, the world was a different place. A place of hope. A place of change. A place where maybe, just maybe, things might be alright. A place where players in the NFL received justified compensation for injuries. A place where wearing the wrong socks was not worth more in fines than an illegal hit to the head. A place where we didn’t have a 17 month scandal based around saggy balls. Because for those 6 minutes, Roger Goodell was dead.

For those who missed the fun, on Tuesday someone hacked the NFL twitter account and posted the tweet seen in the comic above. The internet immediately went nuts. Including myself of course. As dumb and bad as twitter can get, it’s always entirely worth those moments when something like this happens, when you can participate in the chaos as it unfolds in real time.



Figures the one 2016 celebrity death we all might have been okay with was a fake — Dave Rappoccio (@DrawPlayDave) June 7, 2016

They say Roger Goodell is still alive but now we are just getting into the philosophical ponderings of artificial intelligence — Dave Rappoccio (@DrawPlayDave) June 7, 2016

"I did not die, I have simply molted into my second form" says Roger Goodell pic.twitter.com/kxxAmPDK7O — Dave Rappoccio (@DrawPlayDave) June 7, 2016

I’m eagerly awaiting what happens now. Someone hacked the NFL’s twitter account. I mean damn. You saw what they did to Tom “Saggers” Brady for a minor thing. The NFL scales of justice are reversed from normal. A shitbag girl beater gets second chances, sock colors are massive fines, and Tom Brady possibly sagging balls is 16+ months of high level litigation. A twitter hack that was ultimately harmless outside a few laughs? This guy is getting the death penalty. I hope this joker has made peace with his gods. All of the gods. Hell hath no fury like an embarrassed chinless dork-robot in charge of the country’s most popular sport.

I’m slightly disappointed in the hacker. He had an amazing opportunity and all we got was a fake death tweet. It wasn’t the worst angle to take, but he probably should have picked something that was a touch more sublte, more damaging, or more immature to really take advantage. Maybe tweet about how the NFL thinks concussions are fake. Or post pictures of porn. Or just tweet the word POOP as much as humanly possible until you lose control of your access and the NFL social media people are panicking as they try to delete them all. Or link people to Goatse. Maybe invent a fake story about how the NFL secretly paid off the lawyers against Greg Hardy or something really scandalous, something harder to verify within 6 minutes. This guy got access to one of the big accounts and all we got was a fake death tweet. I give it a B-. Not bad, but it just feels like we missed so much potential.

I personally would have tweeted “I don’t want anybody else when I think about you I touch myself” with a photoshopped picture of Roger Goodell hate-masturbating to Tom Brady. Then Poop over and over again till I lost access.