When I finally reached the end of the game and the credits rolled, the tension fell from our bodies. The ending we experienced, I learned later, was among the more positive ones available. A few characters I cared about died, but the overall direction of the story — and of the world — was optimistic. My friends couldn’t believe they’d spent an entire day watching someone else play a game well into the early morning on a work night.

After they trailed off, I went straight to bed. Detroit found me in my dreams.

I dreamt that I was going about my regular day, but every time I had a choice to make, that familiar UI appeared in my vision — a timer quickly ticking down.

How would I commute to work? Should I drive, bus, bike, or walk?

I took the bus.

I’m sitting between two people on the bus. One of them smells terrible. The one who doesn’t smell gets off at their stop. That interface appears again. Do I move to another empty seat to avoid the stench, or stay where I am to avoid an awkward moment?

I stay where I am.

The dream goes on and on, but on waking I can only remember these fragments. As I go through my real-life, waking Monday, I can’t shake them off.

“Which donut would you like?”

There’s that dialogue box again with the options. “Same as usual”, “Try a new one”, “Just a coffee today”.

I skip the donut.

My friend slash business partner asks if I want to get lunch together. I’m feeling shitty and kind of want to be alone, but there’s that dialogue box. “Let’s get lunch”, “Not today, I’m going to work through lunch”.

All of a sudden, instead of just answering with the first thing that comes to mind, I’m actually thinking through this choice. Which one leads me to that happier ending to the story? In Detroit, every interaction with another person involves seeing how that interaction affects your relationship — Either bringing you closer together or weakening the relationship.

We go for lunch together. I have fun and I’m glad I went. Our friendship meter goes up almost imperceptibly, but it matters. I notice the difference.

As the day goes on, I start to realize how many decisions I sleepwalk through — picking the default option every time — choosing whatever seems easiest.

When I get home later, I’m feeling bored and a bit lonely. My ex has been texting me. I’m about to call her when I see that box pop up again: “Call your ex” or “Resist the urge”. Oof. All of a sudden, an action that never felt like a decision to me — that just felt like something I did — became a choice I had to actively make.

I call my mum instead. We catch up and it’s great.

My brother and I live together, and he arrives home from work an hour later. I’m on my computer in the corner with headphones on, but I hear him come in. I’m about to just say “Hey”, and keep working and looking at the screen, when it happens again. “Ignore him completely”, “Keep working but greet him”, “Get off your computer for a bit and check in with him”.

I take off my headphones and we have a good chat.

A friend — one who watched me play Detroit — sends me a text later, complaining about something at work, asking what he should do. I can tell he’s feeling a bit low, but I don’t really know what to say — I don’t have any useful advice. I open up the emoji keyboard. I’m about to send my usual 🤷🏻‍♂️, when some other options come into focus. I could ignore the text. I could reply with ❤️ or 😢 instead of 🤷🏻‍♂️. I think about it. Does he actually want advice? Just sympathy? Someone to acknowledge his frustration.

I send a ❤️. He says “Thanks”. I’m reeling. I was this close to missing an opportunity to genuinely connect.

The next day I take my phone, which has been on the fritz lately, to the Apple store. There’s something wrong with the screen, so they’ll need to replace it. The guy asks me “Would you like to restore from a backup or just start fresh?”

I feel like I’m actually in the game now. I can all but see the choices floating beside his head.

I start fresh, with a new phone. I don’t install Reddit this time — a huge time-suck for me. Instead I download a few language learning apps. I’ve been wanting to learn Japanese for a while now. Now I’m doing that instead of scrolling on Reddit for hours.

The choices that jump out to me most are those where inaction is the default. These moments come and go all the time without us paying them any mind. You’re just sitting there, and you have the option of getting up and doing something at any time, but until you feel some urge to do so, you stay where you are.

But imagine that every few minutes, you were presented with that pop-up. Would you select “Keep scrolling on your phone” or “Call a friend”, or “Go for a walk”?

I’m beginning to try and live my life as if I was playing it as a game. If you were watching TV, you might be seeing your relaxation, rest and happiness meters increasing for short time. But those meters would probably stop rising after binging a few episodes of Queer Eye. Would you click “Yes, I’m still watching” and stay on the sofa if you could see that those meters weren’t getting any fuller, or would you choose “Walk the dog”, and work on filling up a different meter for a bit?

Why is it so easy to just do nothing? It’s Newton’s first law at work: An object at rest tends to stay at rest, unless acted upon by an external force. We have so much inertia. It’s just easier to keep doing whatever you’re doing. It doesn’t involve questioning or thinking about why you do what you do. Thinking about these tiny little choices requires effort and energy, but the newfound agency can be rewarding

I wouldn’t call this a massive revelation for me, but I’ve noticed that I’m living more mindfully. I’m questioning my assumptions, and for what it’s worth, I’m finding that my relationships are improving. It’s incredible how many choices I make on a daily basis that I’d never make if I was controlling my own character in a game.

Sometimes, when you’re playing the video game of life, you need to put down your controller and just walk away from your brain for a while — scrolling through reddit, watching tv for too long, getting into habits of texting your ex, avoiding awkward interactions. That’s fine. We’ve all got to take a break every once in a while. But come back quickly and pick that controller back up. You’ve got choices to make. Don’t you want to see what happens next?