From the familiar to the out-there, these are the board games our readers suggest you never, ever waste your time playing no matter how rainy it gets

As the summer came to an end, we asked you for your favourite ever board games, and you didn’t disappoint. From your suggestions, we came up with a list of twenty awesome games you should probably play, which was duly met with excitement and annoyance on the internet. How could we have missed out Lost Valley of the Dinosaurs? Why on earth would we tell people to play Carcassonne, when everyone in the known universe has played that already?



And so on.

So now for the follow-up, which I hope causes similar amounts of rage and disappointment: a very subjective take on the ten crappest, most frustrating board games in history, from the very well known to the decidedly niche.

What have we missed? Let us know in the comments section below.



1) Monopoly

Man, you lot really hate monopoly. In the words of one reader: “The game carries on too long whilst the majority of players slip slowly into debt, an experience I get enough of in real life, to be honest.”

Monopoly Monopoly is so bad, for so many different reasons. On the surface it might seem to be nothing more than a collection of terrible design choices: roll and move, player elimination etc. This would be bad enough, but layered on top of this are the array of house rules that serve only to make the experience ever more interminable - fine money going to whomever lands on free parking, not playing with the auction rules, not being allowed to buy property until you have been once round the board. These only extend the tortuous experience even further. Finally, Monopoly is awful because of the vice-like grip it has had over how the British public perceive boardgames. I am going to a boardgame night at a local comic shop this evening - nobody will be playing Monopoly, and if it was suggested then I would assume that it was a sick joke of some kind. It is a scourge. I do like the playing pieces though.

2) Trivial Pursuit

As pretty much the only board game my family will play on Christmas Day (I haven’t introduced them to Ultimate Werewolf yet), I’ve got a soft spot for Trivial Pursuit, particularly if it’s an ancient edition that demands you remember minor facts about Princess Diana or a soap opera you forget ever existed.



My opinion is not shared.

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Trivial Pursuit I loath this game. It's not the questions, which are fine, but the design. The rule that players can only gain a cheese from certain squares renders many turns completely pointless based on the luck of the dice. There's a 33% chance of hitting a 'roll again' space which means that if players don't land in a cheese space, they are often rolling again and again backwards and forwards. And the person who created the rule that the winning player must land on the final space EXACTLY should be publicly executed. It doesn't even have the excuse of being that old of a game. There are many better games released earlier that have far more elegant rules. There aren't many games I will refuse to play, but I draw the line at this overpriced, overhyped turd of a game.

3) Risk

Beloved of Red Dwarf’s Arnold Rimmer, Risk is the kind of game undergraduate history and politics students accidentally play for fourteen hours on the trot, until your French friend shouts ‘ah, the Urals! The last bastion of liberté!’ and reveals all the cards he’s been hiding under the table.

Risk.... Its an age old classic, but doesnt deserve to be. Its nonsense, has very little tactical depth, is far too long and has no reward to it. Its not even got a childs theme but is somehow aimed at adults. Massive pass!

4) Donald Trump: The Game

A strangely topical one, this. Children in public schools across America will be playing this as part of their curriculum if Trump makes it to the White House.

Trump. The game. Try and make millions while having to look at Trump's grizzled face.

5) Bread: the board game

For people under 40, I should explain that Bread was a hugely popular sitcom from back when we only had four* television channels, no internet, and few other distractions from fears of impending nuclear war.

Bread - The Board Game The board game of the popular (mainly due to TV version of Stockholm Syndrome) 80s Liverpudlian sitcom Bread, the game sees players assume the role of one of the main characters from the show. You spend an interminable amount of time moving around the board Monopoly style gathering the accoutrements of a well rounded life (job, car, girlfriend, house etc) in order to escape the tyranny of Mrs Boswell, all the while trying to avoid being ensnared by LiLo Lil, Grandpa or the DHSS. Rose tinted spectacles made me buy a copy on eBay (we used to own a copy years ago, but someone correctly binned it at some stage) and bring it to our game group one night. Two hours later and no nearer the finish we binned it off, never to be played again.

6) Twin Peaks: Murder Mystery Game

For people under 30, I should explain that Twin Peaks was... oh, go and watch Twin Peaks. It’s brilliant and disturbing. But on no account play the board game tie-in.

Twin Peaks Awful, just awful (not to mention ridiculously complicated). To win you need to collect 4 suspect clue cards (with matching poker suit and name!), 12 doughnut counters and all 5 parts of the pentagram puzzle. Collecting them is quite random so it can take ages to get the required components to achieve victory. It's also a dreadful tie-in, with numerous errors on the board (one square refers to Agent "Gooper") and in the manual.

7) Poleconomy

Poleconomy: Monopoly of the 1980s Poleconomy is a creation of the 1980s that very much aligns with the capitalist heyday in the west at that time. The game lets players acquire properties/investments and take turns at being the government. As government, you can set inflation, which will impact profits on everyone's properties/investments. The properties/investments are all real world companies that, appropriately for a game about the free market, paid to have their logos used in the game. There were versions of this throughout the commonwealth with nation-specific companies on the board. When I played this with friends, we found it incredibly difficult to really 'lose' - even those of us who ended up in sticky financial situations during the game were still tallying assets in the millions at the end. The lesson: in capitalism, everybody can be rich! There are no losers! Riiiiight... I know I say 'worst' game, but really this is one of those 'best/worst' curiosities. The gameplay is largely dull and the board design is pretty drab (although seeing company logos from the 80s is interesting, even if it does date the design). But if you have the right group of friends (i.e. the kind you can mock this game with) it'll make for a great board game night.

8) Capital Punishment

Talking of right wing propaganda masquerading as family entertainment...

Capital Punishment It's a game where you play four criminals and two liberals. Your goal is to get your criminals executed while using the liberals to keep your opponents from executing theirs. You win by either killing all of your criminals or making your opponent lose all of their innocent victims. And, yes, the rules are basically a pro-death penalty rant.

9) Cards Against Humanity

Controversial choice, controversial game. I’ll let reader Matt Davies explain.

Cards Against Humanity It's hard to rail against Cards Against Humanity in the tabletop gaming community because it's done a lot to bring people to the hobby, and a lot of people are very fond of it even outside the community. But ultimately the game is crass, lazy, and offensive. I'm not particularly against challenging humour, and I've had more than a few laughs playing the games. But I've hard far more bad experiences where I've come away feeling awful for participating and a little worried about the attitude of my friends. Cards Against Humanity is lazy and goes for cheap targets in unimaginative ways. When the punchline is simply 'black people' and everyone laughs, something's usually gone wrong. People hide behind a pretense of anonymity that's not really there and 'it's all fine anyway, because I didn't really say that, they're just the cards I happen to have been dealt'. I had trouble expressing my distaste for the game to friends who really loved it until the excellent board game review site Shut Up & Sit Down published a thinkpiece on it that sums up the problems with the game really well (http://www.shutupandsitdown.com/blog/post/review-cards-against-humanity/). I recommend giving it a read.

10) Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

A board game version of a dubious relationship advice book. About as thrilling as it sounds.

Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus And I wish I were from elsewhere. This is the most boring board game ever invented. Not to mention confusing, sexist and loooong. Using 'voting cones' to guess which of the 3 sexist and misogynistic answers are correct for questions no one cares about you stagger towards the end of the game. If explain how it ends but I've never got that far; I've just given up and got drunk instead.

Swedish Parliament 2012: An apology.

There is no place for Swedish Parliament 2012 in our list of the worst board games of all time. Yes, we suggested it as a totem for rubbish gaming largely on the suggestion of someone who admitted to having never played it, and also because it is called Swedish Parliament 2012.

In defence of Swedish Parliament I think it's a bit unfair to denigrate a game you haven't played. The game is actually perfect for Guardian readers, as it allows you to roleplay the political campaign leading up to the Swedish elections. Your party has to decide where to stand on certain issues, and whether to condone or condemn other parties' stances on those issues, which lead to different voter demographics changing their opinion of you. You earn not only votes, but also connections with other parties, so that when all voters have decided you know where you stand when it comes to forming a coalition, since it's unlikely a single party wins an outright majority. The creator was very friendly at Essen Spiel, and this is the second version of a game he clearly cares about, and although I admit there are improvements that could be made to the game, I certainly don't think it's the worst I've ever played.

CNightwing, you have my apologies. Swedish Parliament 2012 is back to the top of my Christmas wish-list.