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How many times have you heard the instruction “Just Let It Go”? How many times have you personally been commanded to “let it go and move on”? How many ways is that statement communicated to people who are simply trying to justify their pain? How many insensitive people tell hurt people to “forgive and forget” or to “stop living in the past”? Last week, someone on the Emerging From Broken Facebook page directed ‘everyone’ on the page to “get over it and just let it go” and this sweeping, careless statement inspired me to write from a slightly different view point about the directive “Let it Go”.

In my view today, letting go is no longer about trying to simply forget injustices done to me. It is rather offensive to have been directed to let go of wrongs that had never been acknowledged in the first place. I was being told to ‘forget’ events that were mean, wicked and sometimes even illegal and to stop trying to have my pain validated. I was being told to let go of things that most of the people in my life were denying ever happened to me.

And you know what;

I did let go. Here is what I let go of;

I let go of the idea that successful relationship depends only on me.

I let go of the expectation that things would change if I just tried hard enough.

I let go of the belief that if only I could figure out how to be who they wanted me to be, that they would love me.

I let go of the hope that I would one day be good enough to be seen as an individual with valid thoughts and opinions of my own and I realized that they don’t get to decide how valid I am OR how valid my decisions and opinions are.

I let go of the idea (that I had been brainwashed to believe) that I had no choice.

I let go of the belief that ‘they’ did the best they could and realized that there were many times that they didn’t do the best they could at all. The truth was that I was not permitted to judge their choices for me.

I let go of the idea that something was wrong with me.

I let go of the hope that they would change.

I let go of the resentments I had when I realized that I had a right to have them and that they didn’t come from my delusional imagination. The resentments that I had came from somewhere. Validating where they came from went miles towards my being able to ‘let them go’ in order to ‘move forward’.

I let go of the belief that something was wrong with me when I started looking at what happened to me. I let go of the pain when I validated the pain and where it originated; I was only able to let go of the past when I faced it.

I let go of one-sided relationships that told me I didn’t matter and in doing so I found the beauty that has always been me.

When someone advises you to “just let it go” ask them what their definition of “letting go” is. Get clarity about what they are asking you to do. Ask them to define the word “it”. (And if they can do that to your satisfaction, ask them to tell you how they would suggest you go about “letting it go…)

Ask yourself what letting go means to you.

To me letting go is no longer about trying to forget injustices done to me. I was being commanded to let go of injustices that had never been acknowledged in the first place. I was being told to ‘forget’ events that were wrong and sometimes even illegal and in doing that I was being told to stop trying to be authenticated. I was being told to let go of things that most of the people in my life were denying ever happened to me.

As a result of that, I was trying to let go of the fact that I had been dismissed, invalidated, neglected and ignored. I was trying to AGREE with ‘them’ that nothing bad or wrong had ever actually happened to me and in doing so I was regarding myself exactly the way I had been regarded. As a result of that I was sinking deeper and deeper into depressions, feeling as though I could not breathe and in reality I was fighting for my life.

I was actually fighting NOT to let go of the truth ~ and it’s a good thing too because it turned out that it was in finally understanding that I was not the problem and that letting go of what I was being told to let go of was NOT the answer, that I found the answer. It was in realizing that being directed to “let go” was actually dismissing me yet again, that I was finally able to take my life, and my power and control back, and finally “let it go” and I got over it.

I let go of false hope. I let go of the hope that they would transform in favor of working on my own transformation. I let go of the hope that they would HEAR me. I let go of the hope that they would SEE me. Instead of my hope being in THEM, I listened to me. I heard me, I saw me, I validated my own pain and I began to emerge from the broken life I had been living.

I put my hope in the truth.

I began to breathe.

I began to heal.

I found my true self and realized that I was not a mean hateful person. I found out that I was a hurt, squished person and underneath the wall I had built up to protect myself, was a loving, caring, sensitive and beautiful woman.

And I said NO to being squished. I let go of the belief that unless the people that had invalidated me, decided to validate me, I wasn’t valid. I didn’t need proof that I was valid anymore. I let go of looking at me through their eyes!

I let go of the lies and false definitions of me, and I began to live!

When I let go of the belief that the answer was in proving to “them” that I was worthy and when I faced the truth about what happened to me, I found my worth and all the resentments fell away.

And I said YES to me!

Please share your thoughts with us in the comments.

Exposing Truth; one snapshot at a time

Darlene Ouimet

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