Did you ever suspect in your heart that liberals were basically disorganized and incompetent? The kind of people who hate their dads and leave dirty dishes in the sink and have crumbs in their beds?

It turns out you had no idea. It's so much worse than that. They're a disaster.

BUTTIGIEG AND SANDERS LEADING IOWA DEMOCRATIC CAUCUSES, AS PARTY RELEASES INITIAL RESULTS AFTER MASSIVE DELAY

The people who want to control your health care couldn't organize naptime for a six-year-old. They can't find the airport. They're baffled by the instructions of a washing machine.

What happens when you put them in charge of an entire caucus in Iowa? Well, the first thing they do is pay former Hillary staffer $63,000.00 to develop a vote-counting app that doesn't work. Then they use the chaos that results to attack and humiliate their own voters.

And then they elevate a 38-year-old finance puppet and pretend he is the frontrunner. If there's a short-term winner emerging from Iowa, it's probably that candidate, Pete Buttigieg of South Bend, the hand-selected choice of Democratic donors to fight the Bernie Sanders insurgency.

Democratic leaders blew it spectacularly, therefore, Democratic voters must pay. Sense a theme here? That's always the way it works. They screw up, you get punished.

Buttigieg already sees himself as anointed by God to take power, something he has been planning assiduously since eighth grade. He didn't wait until the results were tabulated to declare a victory. He went ahead and did it anyway Monday night.

Pete Buttigieg, South Bend, Ind. mayor and 2020 Democratic presidential candidate: Looking out at you, and remembering how it felt to be an Indiana teenager, wondering if you would ever belong in this world. Wondering if something deep inside him meant that he would forever be an outsider, that he might never wear the uniform, never be accepted, never even know love.

And now that same person is standing in front of you, a mayor, a veteran, happily married and one step closer to becoming the next president of the United States.

Another child of privilege telling you how oppressed he is. Son of a college professor. Okay.

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Pretty much nobody, meanwhile, thought Elizabeth Warren was going to win Monday night, and the results this afternoon confirmed that she didn't, proving once again that even Democratic voters have standards, and there is, in fact, a god.

But Warren claimed victory Monday night nonetheless. In her speech, she made certain to brag about the illegal aliens her campaign had hired.

Sen. Elizabeth Warren. D-Mass.: Tonight is for every undocumented, unafraid organizer and volunteer who proudly knocked on doors to let the world know that the path to progress runs through courage, not fear.

Oh, cliche confirmed! It turns out it is true that illegal aliens do the jobs that Americans won't do. Godspeed to them. As long as they're not planning for long term employment with Elizabeth Warren -- that gig won't last.

Why does everyone on television hate these poor Iowans all of a sudden? It's not like they're powerful and menacing. Just the opposite - they're just voters. The problem, of course, is that they are some of the few people left in this country who still believe it's a democracy, and they're annoying that way -- and inconvenient.

The whole debacle Monday night was entirely unnerving for the press watching from their studios. It's the home team they're covering, remember, so when things go wrong in a Democratic primary, it hurts them personally.

Wolf Blitzer, CNN anchor: No results at all from the Iowa caucus. It is a huge, huge embarrassment for the Iowa Democratic Party.

Joe Scarborough, MSNBC host: Was there election interference? Did somebody try to hack into the app?

Jonathan Lemire, MSNBC political analyst: This is a disaster on every level. This is the first step. They botched it.

Van Jones, CNN political analyst: This is starting to feel like, you know, possibly a real debacle where if there's some technical problems that they're not disclosing ...

David Chalian, CNN political director: We have to start asking the questions. Has it been infected in any way? Has there been any kind of interference? We have no -- we don't know that.

Al Sharpton, MSNBC host: Whatever the results come out, it will almost not matter because it will be under a cloud now. And what about the people of Iowa?

Chris Matthews, MSNBC host: The guy in the White House is chuckling all night here, showing the Democrats can't even get a three-car funeral organized or whatever you want to call it.

Well, the last person leaving Des Moines, please turn out the lights. This has not been a success.

Oh, gosh, that doesn't sound good. How bad was it Monday night? Well, Chuck Todd appealed to God Himself live on air. Here's his prayer.

Reporter: We also need to talk about the Mike Bloomberg factors, which is --

Chuck Todd, MSNBC host: Oh my god.

Reporter: -- the fact that he is now waiting in the wings ...

Todd: What an effing disaster.

Nicely put, Chuck. That's exactly what it is.

But keep in mind, things weren't always this way. For 50 years, the Iowa caucuses ran smoothly, using 19th Century technology. They had paper ballots, they phoned in the results.

And then the tech geniuses got involved. They promised to make it a lot easier and way more efficient. Just like iPads are going to make your kids smarter. How'd that work out?

Of course, you can't complain about this in public; it's unwise to criticize our overlords in Silicon Valley -- those merchants have a brighter future who somehow make our lives worse, year by year. It can't be their fault.

So instead, the people on TV decided to blame Iowa voters. You saw a parade of the smartest people in America telling you that the Iowa mess was proof that Iowa as a state shouldn't be allowed to hold the first presidential contest anymore.

Democratic leaders blew it spectacularly, therefore, Democratic voters must pay. Sense a theme here? That's always the way it works. They screw up, you get punished.

And by the way, those voters we just shafted, they explained Monday night, they're racist. They deserve what they got and what we're taking from them.

Matthews: Twenty-five percent of the Democratic voters are African- American, and they're not really in the game. I mean, that's really awful.

You talk about voter suppression. This is it. Jason is right. It's voter suppression. You're saying black people vote last.

Sunny Hostin, co-host of "The View": Iowa, you know, just isn't representative of the Democratic tent, and that's the problem that I've had. I mean, you know, it's -- if you look at the population, it's about 90.7 percent white.

Van Jones: Why Iowa in the first place? It's 90 percent white. You know, when you have a party as diverse as this to be in a state that's not diverse, it is terrible.

Terry McAuliffe, CNN political commentator: Ninety percent of the caucus-goers today were white, so it's way skewed out of line.

Zerlina Maxwell, MSNBC political analyst: The Iowa caucus is essentially the perfect example of systemic racism -- 91 percent of the voters in Iowa are white.

The reason why you see a drop in turnout, I'm just speculating here, it could be perhaps that white children are not in the cages.

Oh, man. You thought you were just voting in an election. It turns out you're participating in systemic racism. Take that, you hopelessly pallid Iowa Democrats.

Keep in mind that thousands of these now totally immoral voters spent the entire past year going door to door for their favorite candidates for free. Why did they do that? Because they cared.

In return, they're being denounced by rich phonies like Terry McAuliffe, who, by the way, is famous in Washington mostly for not going to jail. Why does everyone on television hate these poor Iowans all of a sudden? It's not like they're powerful and menacing. Just the opposite - they're just voters.

The problem, of course, is that they are some of the few people left in this country who still believe it's a democracy, and they're annoying that way -- and inconvenient. In fact, they're one of the few remaining barriers between the party and its preferred vessels, like Pete Buttigieg and Mike Bloomberg. Psyched for that?

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As if on cue Tuesday, Bloomberg announced that in the wake of Monday night's meltdown, he is going to double his daily ad spending. Nothing like a crisis to seize an opportunity.

The anchors on CNN will be thrilled by the news. Finally, someone they can relate to.

Adapted from Tucker Carlson's monologue from "Tucker Carlson Tonight" on Feb. 4, 2020.

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