Well I’ll Be… It’s The Moon… Old Gray Tits Himself, In The Flesh… Los Mooños De Noche…

Would you look at that… ain’t that luna-rita something? Gather ’round folks, ’cause every inch of the grand-puppa moon is putting on quite a show for us this evening.

Well I’ll be damned if that ain’t the prettiest moonani I ever did see…

Soak it in, friends… a moon like this one only comes but once a night…

One hundred billion galaxies in the universe… and we’re the only one that’s got ourselves a moon… how amazing is that?

Y’know, I hear the French call the moon “Jupiter,” which is a mighty fitting nombre de luna… now, I ain’t never been to France, let alone stepped foot outside’a this here little town of Beijing, China, but I reckon ol’ man silver-dollar titties up there looks just as moonlike no matter where you spy on him from on this hunk of homestead we call Earth… Dang, I’d bet you all the gold in the Yangtze River that the moon smells like the freshest eggs this side of the Great Wall…

Slap me softly and call me Hermano di Hermooño, look at the round on that thing! Tío “Mooñ” Luña ain’t shy tonight, no he ain’t…

You ever look at the moon and wonder what it’d be like if the moon was your brain? What kinda moon-thoughts you’d be thinkin’ with that lunita knockin’ around in your head all bright and gorgeous-like? Nights this magnificent can get your imagination goin’ like that…

El moon calls out to something deep in your soul… a luna like this makes you realize why all the rodents in the world howl when there’s a full moon… go ahead give it a shot… AWWOOOOOOOOO-OW-OW-OW-AYYYYYYYY… feels right in your heart, don’t it?

Just plumb nothing like coating your nude body in the sultry silver light of la mooña’s musty bosom while you dream and wish upon Il Grigio Grande himself… Der Fussball Unkickable Von Nacht…T suki wa watashi no boifurendodesu, hai, hai…

Hold it, hold it—what in Sam Hill is this hogshit? A celestial goddamn skid mark, that’s what this sky-taintin’ piss streak looks like. This ain’t even fit for a mule’s viewing pleasure. Where’s my trusty steed, La Mooñita de Luna?

Ah… that’s better… moonlight for one… de-nada-thank-you…

There’s an ancient Native American myth that says the moon is incredible… look now, I’m a fella of reason, but I gotta say… I think they mighta been onto something…