“We were so close” states grandson of original negotiator.

On Wednesday, Donald Trump announced that the US recognizes Jerusalem as the capital of Israel, shocking a Muslim world that was anticipating a Palestinian/Israel peace agreement any second.

Although both Israelis and Palestinians claim the holy city as their capital, extensive peace talks spanning 5 decades were expected to finally bring stability to the volatile region. That was before Trump screwed it all up.

“We were so close to just forgetting centuries of religious and cultural hatred for each other”, states the grandson of an original Muslim negotiator Abu Mashakil. “After all, we have the Dome on the Rock, so we kind of win anyhow.”

“Controlling the world’s media is tough enough” says Israeli negotiator Jacob Abramowitz, “just keeping up with Trump has us swamped- we wanted this whole Jerusalem thing finished. But now, he found a way to insert himself into that too?! Feh! What a momzer.”

Since the religious beliefs on both sides teach that both peoples are related, the battle for Jerusalem was increasingly resembling brothers fighting over bunk-beds. “What’s a few blocks between family?”, reasons Abramowitz.

Critics accuse Trump of inserting politics into a region that never, ever used politics to control a location beloved to billions of earths inhabitants.

Muslim leaders call for ‘3 Days of Rage’ by Palestinians is one example of people not at all being influenced to hate for the sake of political gain.

“It now appears we are further from peace than ever before”, says Mashakil, “or, at least since last week.”