Top Ten [Aug. 31st, 2003|07:01 pm] Amir

Im feeling top tenny today so ill do that instead of writing



TOP TEN THINGS TO DO TO YOUR NEW ROOMATE AT COLLEGE:



10) cut his/her hair while their sleeping and cry while your doing it loud enough to wake them up.

9) When they offer you food just say "oh no thanks im allergic to gravy." Regardless of the food they offer.

8) Insist they call you "Gene" unless your name is "Gene" Then insist they just call you.

7) Always bake really good treats like cookies and leave them on his desk with a post it "DO NOT EAT" on top.

6) Tell them you have tourrets as well as diarrhea.

5) Wear the same shirt for the first year, then never see that person again.

4) Always read their away messages and crack up whole heardily even if its an away message about being at a funeral.

3) Ask them what the date is today, then start tearing up and say "I broke up with my girlfriend one year ago today." Do that every day.

2) When they walk into a room always say OH I SAVED YOU A SEAT, and point to their chair.



and the number one thing to do to your new roomate:



1) On the first day you meet your new roomate tell him/her that your a huge beatles fan. Say you collect all of their records and love all of their songs. Then get your haircut like the beatles. Then as time goes on begin only eating bread crumbs and cheese. Stop shaving or showering until your roomate grows concerned. When they arent looking bludgeon them over the head with a hardcover novella about the beatles. Then as you nosh on their brain and gnaw on their skull, just mutter "why didnt you love the beatles as much as i did? why didnt you even like "shes got a ticket to ride." But the key is: you have to drool on their decomposed face and neck, or else its just not funny.



i better go cook dinner now, i hear we're having Turducken!



-Amir b.



ps - Does Anybody Remember: Sit Ubu Sit! Good dog.