If this week was proof of anything, it was that the #MeToo backlash hates nuance. Allegations against actor Aziz Ansari dominated the news cycle, with movement detractors claiming that the woman who came forward shouldn’t have done so.

But this movement cannot be simply about what is legal or illegal. Our standard for women – and for what we want for the culture more broadly – has to be bigger than that. This is about what’s right. True change isn’t going to just be about stopping clearcut rape and harassment – but interrogating the way that men are taught to wear women down to acquiescence rather than looking for an enthusiastic yes.

This is where the hard work gets even harder. To do that, though, we need to leave behind the knee-jerk dismissiveness of anything that feels complicated or beyond black and white. Women deserve real, comprehensive change – the tough conversations are where that’s going to happen.

Glass half-full

While everything having to do with women feels a bit … well, terrible – at least Ellen Pompeo is getting hers. There’s a reason that every woman I know was sharing this piece this week – the actress’ brutal honesty on work and money is a master class in how to survive sexism and thrive in all you do.

What I’m RTing

Hannah Giorgis (@ethiopienne) i cannot overstate how exhausting it is to wake up every morning and be reminded how allergic our culture is to the idea of trusting women

Karen Attiah (@KarenAttiah) Imagine a world where the media covered, say, black women voters with as much vigor and curiosity. Here’s my latest video about the exact topic: https://t.co/9PzjgqhU6P https://t.co/iPV34vjbqd

Amber Tamblyn (@ambertamblyn) I had dinner with a woman who told me a brutal story about being coerced into sex by a very famous guy. Awful. After seeing how the woman who spoke out about Ansari is being treated, she decided not to share her story publicly.



Let this lose you some sleep tonight, Twitter.

The Onion (@TheOnion) Report: Getting Out Of Bed In Morning Sharply Increases Risk Of Things Getting Even Worse https://t.co/wVb55VWJeo pic.twitter.com/2HLG6imjSx

Who I’m reading

Ann Friedman, on the #MeToo backlash; Ijeoma Oluo on what men can do (and who they can be) in this moment of reckoning; and James Hamblin on why this is not a sex panic.

What I’m doing

I was on Comedy Central’s The Opposition this week, talking #MeToo, nuance and Aziz Ansari.

How outraged I am

I’m beyond words at this point so I’m going to let Samantha Bee tell you for me.

How I’m making it through this week

My dogs are finally friends, so the world can’t be all bad.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Best friends. Photograph: Jessica Valenti

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