Tarte flambée is an Alsatian dish similar to pizza. I followed this recipe, except I slow-cooked the onions the way Mark Bittman told me to. (It’s faster.)

0: preheat oven to 220 °C (425 °F).

1: slice an onion thinly; put in frying pan on medium-low and cover. Stir every five minutes until it starts to turn brown and stick to the bottom of the pan (~20 minutes).

2: since you have some time, grate some Gruyère cheese.

3: check those onions. Don’t forget to keep stirring them. Mine look like they’re starting to soften up.

4: get your pizza dough (I buy it in a bag, refrigerated but not frozen) and spread it out on a baking sheet. FIGHT: who will win – sticky pizza dough, or non-stick baking sheet?!

5: spread some crème fraiche all up ons.

6: onions,

onions,

onions,

7: green onions.

8: throw everything on the dough & cream! (Or place it, if you have bad aim.) Then crack a bunch of black pepper on there.

9: cook for 10-20 minutes, until the crust is browned a bit on the bottom. Hopefully you have a bit of a feel for how long your dough takes to bake.

10: homf, homf, homf!

(11: eat dessert.

GREAT SUCCESS! I think my good friend the Heavy sums this up best.

PS: to unlock OMNIVORE MODE, defeat level seven in less than five minutes without dying.

Or, um.. add a bunch of bacon.

k, bye!