Much like the term “fuck boy,” when a girl gets the reputation as being a side chick, that’s not a good thing. It’s not her fault, of course, as, in most cases, she doesn’t even know that’s the case, but, if a relationship ends because of her, she’s usually the one to blame.

The thing is, side chicks aren’t necessarily the ones who are out to ruin a relationship, as the whole thing goes much deeper than that. At times, it comes from starving for attention or affection, an emotional or physical relationship and, unfortunately, maybe being lied to by a guy who doesn’t even disclose that he’s already dating someone else. For that reason, we thought it’d be interesting to have some side chicks tell part of their stories.

Now, let us preface this by saying we do feel bad for these girls. After all, as mentioned above (and you’ll see below), many of them had no idea that they were being used by a guy, which led to manipulation and deception. And, when you think about it, what could be worse than an emotional letdown when you find you the person you’ve been “dating” turns out being someone he really isn’t? That has to be difficult.

So, to give you a better idea of what life of a side chick is really like, we turned to Reddit to get some stories for you to better understand what it’s like to be in that situation. Many girls in their positions end up being the villain, but, really, based off of these stories, it turns out they’re actually victims.

“I met him in college and we started dating. When we both came back to college from spring break, we picked up right where we’d left off but on that first date back I noticed he was wearing a wedding band. I asked him if that was what I thought it was and he was like, ‘yeah over the break I got married to my girlfriend back home’.” “ On our way to whatever we were doing, he stopped at a gas station and ran inside, and I checked the call log on his car’s screen to see who it was. It was a woman’s name and they had talked every day for like 3 weeks. I checked her out on FB and there were pictures of him and his family all over her page. Obviously they knew and met her (included just a couple weeks previous when he had gone home). Found out later it was his serious girlfriend back where his parent’s lived. I called him out on it, he told me I was crazy, we stopped seeing each other. They broke up a few weeks after all this, and then 5 months later he got engaged to some other girl he had “just been friends” with. So not only was I a side chick to the girl back home, we were both side chicks to another girl who lived a couple of hours away.” “Went on a few dates with him, on the last one I went back to his place. The next morning I went to use the bathroom and realized it was full of women’s toiletries. Upon closer inspection, one of the bedroom closets had women’s clothes in it. I got dressed and left before he woke up.” “ We dated for 4 months. He talked of things about us making a good couple, having beautiful children together. We vibed so well and texted everyday. Video chats and dates and all happened. We got intimate and I wanted more, but he he said he was not ready for a relationship. I ended it there. Heartbroken over him. A couple of months later I found out that he was still with his girlfriend. Cuz I found her IG. She had a pic with him #powercouple dated around the same time we we’re dating. I felt so betrayed. Blocked his ass. Wish I told his gf, but I think it was better for me to move on. Took me a long time to get over him but I still think of him. That poor girl tho. He a fuck boi.”

As those examples above show, being a side chick isn’t the same as being a fuck boy, but they, for some reason, carry the same negative connotation. In fact, fuck boys are usually the ones who are fooling around with a side chick, cheating on their significant other to get his fill for some reason. Side chicks are, many times, told guys are single before going home with or dating him, so let’s not put these two types of people in the same category.

For those unsure what a side chick actually is, let us explain.

What is a side chick?

A mistress, or someone who doesn’t know that she’s with a significant other who is already in a relationship. Oftentimes, she’s under the assumption that she’s the only girl, but finds out later on that she’s being lied to or manipulated.

Are there signs that a guy might be using you as a side chick?

Yes. The most obvious sign is if/when a guy hides details of his night from you. For instance, if he says that he had a casual night out with friends the night before and had one drink, yet seems disheveled the next day because he’s hungover, you might want to question what gives. Another clear sign is that he’s hiding things from a girl — like his phone, emails or social media interactions.

Shouldn’t a guy just end things with his significant other before getting a side chick?

Of course he should but, unfortunately, because infidelity happens in a lot of relationships, some guys will continue to pursue other girls even after already being in a committed relationship. It’s unfair to both girls involved, and proves that a few bad eggs can make life tough for the good guys who remain faithful.

To see the full thread, head on over to Reddit.