OTTAWA – Showing politicians everywhere that it can be done, Justin Trudeau proudly announced that he had created complete gender parity with the people he was sacrificing to the political wolves in order to save his own skin.

“It is vital that we give all Canadians, regardless of gender, the opportunity to fulfill the important function of falling on the grenade to protect me from allegations of corruption and pay to play,” said Trudeau.

“Because it’s 2019” he added.

Woman have historically been underrepresented among politics’ human shields. There have been a few examples, like when Kim Campbell was forced to bear the brunt of 9 years of Mulroney government scandals, but they sadly remain the exception.

Trudeau is also being praised for his inclusion of people of colour in the group, something he promised would continue. “Watch out [Defence Minister Harjit] Sajjan and [Immigration Minister Ahmed] Hussen!”

Trudeau’s commitment to feminism was further evidenced by the fact that he hired an all female crew to shred all the documents linking him to SNC-Lavalin.

With files from Tristan Bradley