My Reformation & Evo

Warning this might be long, but this is a question that many people have asked me forever since they see me use "I am reformed" a lot. Let me explain.



For the past 2 years I have had the hardest times in my Smash career. I have been competing since 2009, but these past 2 years have been rough. The feeling of hitting a wall, letting the words of others eat my confidence, and simply me getting in my own head have had me in a stand still at times. Due to this I felt trapped in my own mind and fought hard to get out of it. I made slow and steady progress the past two years recollecting who I was prior to what I call "Smash depression."



Even when I got to the point where the words of jims or toxic people barely bothered me, sometimes my grown armor would have cracks. At this point is was a matter of me vs myself and killing the negative opinions I have had about myself during this time. The people close to me know about my issues and how hard it has been.



Aside from my mentally the things that I felt were hurting me were



1. Associating with bad people.



There were just some people during these 2 years that I should have given less attention or none at all. They sucked. Simple.



2. My work ethic being just good, and not anything beyond it.



I had a talk with K0rean last night, and I felt like that talk sums up what I mean by this. My work ethic was good, but I felt like there was so much more I could be doing. A part of me didn't want to be selfish with myself. I love competing, but I am also a really social guy. I tried to make time for both equally, but then I decided that I want to give my career way more attention than my social life. Why? I risked a lot to do what I do. I worked really hard from being a low level guy who had never been to a tournament to where I am today. What I do now maps out the rest of my life and quite frankly I know that I can achieve and be so much more than I am so I will put every ounce of myself into making it happen. Once I realized that I noticed the coming months that at events I stopped staying out late. I made even more time for practice and I actively sought out the inspirations that carried me back in my Brawl days. I noticed that through all this time I had been reverting back to my old amazing habits without even noticing. This is a big part of the reformation. I do not want a good work ethic. I want a crazy one. I had a crazy one. I will have a crazy one.



3. Not taking care of my health.



I overexerted myself going to as many majors and flying as much as I did. Everyone was different and mentally/physically I knew I was not in a good place, but I kept pushing myself. I worried my family a lot and honestly I feel a lot better currently so I am in a better place. I needed to pay way more attention to this aspect of my life. Also, due to one of my best friends I have been taking way better care of my body more. Getting back into Volleyball and working out has not only uplifted my mood, but overall makes me feel so much better.



4.Caring too much about things that deserved less attention.



I won't go too into detail about this but there were just a lot of things going in that I put too much energy and thought into that did not deserve it. Truthfully I felt like an idiot so I needed to change this about myself.



These were the main things I needed to reform to make myself into a better version of myself. My overall attitude has drastically improved especially these past two events. When I lose I still get the feeling of sadness, but it instantly gets met with drive. Losing should hurt enough to make you want to improve to avoid the feeling. Instead of letting it throw me in the gutter I just try to quickly move on from it and aim hard to get better. Truthfully you only can get better unless you quit. Then you just wasted your time.



While there were many people that helped me out I will name a few of the top of my mind and their impact on me in the past couple months.



Firstly the staff at CLG have done a tremendous job helping me with not only identifying issues, but also keeping me afloat a seemingly endless battle with myself. Matt Hwu gave me my goals and today I have accomplished all of them except one. That goal will be met this year. Devin and our eSports director Matt have given me a lot of motivation to be better in and out of the game. Truthfully I bought into many of the orgs ways of values and as more and more time progressed I felt way better in almost every area of my life. My reformation is directly correlated to CLG in a large way. Thank you.



Thank you to GSM K0rean for being an excellent coach. Helping me study, improve, and set up an infrastructure that directly benefits me as a player. I literally owe you a lot these past few months. If Smash 4 orgs begin diving into coaches, I want you and you only.



Thank you Cosmos for reminding me a lot of myself during the Brawl days. You and Void actually. Having that visual representation in your face constantly is a good motivator and something that allows me to keep fighting.



Thanks Angelo for being an inspiration in terms of physical fitness. I am super proud of how far you have come and thanks a lot for getting me into gear. It plays a huge role you have no clue.



I didn't forget people I just didn't need this getting any longer than it is. If you played a role in my life then you know I thank you.



I ended Evo at 13th beating Locus, Abadango, & Captain Zack. While that is technically a "good" performance I am not close to satisfied. The feeling of losing still hurts, and I wanted top 8 at Evo more than anything, but I simply just was not good enough so I didn't deserve it. I will keep trying to improve and do better. Yea I am proud of myself, but not as much as I would like to be. There will be more events and more opportunities. If anything I proved a lot to myself this event as a player. I value that a lot and despite the troubles I might endure from playing Ness I am actually proud of him as well.



I guess that's it. Reformation =)



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