Enemy’s Gift: Why Your Enemies Are Your Best Teachers in Self Improvement

26 SHARES Share Tweet



Enemies can be our best teachers when it comes to self improvement.

In the context of this article, an “enemy” is simply a person who holds values and beliefs that are opposed to yours, or someone who you strongly don’t get along with due to core differences in attitude and personality.

We all have enemies to some degree – people we can’t stand to be around, people that push the wrong buttons in us, or people who have purposefully hurt us and caused us to suffer in the past.

When we discover an enemy, our instinct is to want to fight them or run away from them. However, these enemies also come with a hidden gift for us that we should learn to embrace.

The enemy’s gift is a concept influenced by Buddhism and popularized by the Dalai Lama. The core idea is that our enemies often give us rare opportunities to challenge ourselves and better ourselves.

The Dalai Lama describes the “Enemy’s Gift” in this passage found in The World of Tibetan Buddhism:

“As a genuine practitioner of compassion, you must develop tolerance. And in order to practice sincerely and to develop patience, you need someone who willfully hurts you. Thus, these people give us real opportunities to practice these things. They are testing our inner strength in a way that even our guru cannot. Even the Buddha possesses no such potential. Therefore, the enemy is the only one who gives us this golden opportunity. This is a remarkable conclusion, isn’t it! By thinking along these lines and using these reasons, you will eventually develop a kind of extraordinary respect towards your enemies.”

Enemies give us the opportunity to better ourselves. While we may not typically think of people in our lives as “enemies,” you can see how this perspective applies to any person in your life who gives you difficulty.

An enemy can bring out your “best self” or your “worst self.” If you let an enemy get under your skin, you’ll stoop down to their level and become just as bad as them. But if you learn to respond to your enemies with patience, forgiveness, and grace, then you rise above them, defeat them, and strengthen your ability to manage life’s hardships and difficulties.

From now on, thank your enemies. When someone challenges you to be your best self or you manage to survive a difficult situation, take a step back and say to yourself, “Thank you enemy for teaching me how to be stronger.”

Cultivating gratitude toward your enemies can seem counter-intuitive, but it’s a fantastic way to disarm them and see them as tools to build yourself rather than destroy yourself. In many cases, this attitude can be even more powerful than forgiving your enemies (though that can certainly be healthy too when you still hold grudges and resentment).





How to Accept the Enemy’s Gift

When the “enemy’s gift” is offered to you, do you open it up or throw it away?

Accepting the enemy’s gift doesn’t mean that you need to get along with everyone, fix everyone, or that you’re not allowed to feel anger, disgust, or even hatred. All of these feelings are natural, but how we respond to these feelings is where the true test of our character comes into play.

To feel dislike or hatred toward someone, but still use that as an opportunity to learn more about yourself, better your actions and decision-making, and overcome a difficult situation is the mark of a truly wise person.

Accepting the enemy’s gift isn’t about fighting your enemy or loving your enemy. Technically, it’s not about your enemy at all – it’s about you. It’s about taking a difficult person and situation and transforming it into something that benefits you.

Enemies in your life are a good thing. You don’t have to go searching for them, but when you find them it can often become a blessing in disguise.

If you can reframe the way you see your enemies, if you can accept the enemy’s gift and take it to heart, you’ll be in a much more powerful position to overcome life’s obstacles and truly make the most of any circumstance.

Ask yourself, “Who is a current ‘enemy’ I have to deal with in my life? What is this experience trying to teach me?”



Stay updated on new articles and resources in psychology and self improvement:



