The earliest that I can remember being called a nigger was when I was already 21 years old. I grew up in predominantly Black neighborhoods and attended almost all-Black schools until the culture shock of college, so maybe that really was the first time? But I’m not sure.

So anyway, it was my fucking college graduation day. I had a car full of friends and we were slowly trying to get out of the packed parking lot. I could see this white guy in a car up ahead, trying to get people to let him out of his parking spot and into the flow of traffic. When people didn’t let him in (it really was bumper to bumper packed so it would have taken real effort for anyone to do that) he was giving them the finger and cursing at them—including older people who were probably the parents and grandparents of graduates.

My friends and I were like, oh, look at this guy and how he’s acting! And as we passed him and of course didn’t make the effort to let him in, he called me a “fucking nigger” and I can’t remember what else he said. I put the car in park as quickly as I could and jumped out of the car with my friends. The guy and the girl who was his passenger of course rolled up their windows and locked their doors.

I would have loved for him to get out of his car to be beaten to a pulp by four girls, but it was not to be. So I got the license plate and filed a police report; I can’t remember exactly for what. The cop who nonetheless allowed me to file whatever the charge was tried to tell me that the word “nigger” meant “ignorant person.” I wanted to punch him too. The white guy from the car then counter-charged, claiming I called him a racial slur also. I didn’t. So we ended up being sent to mediation.

A group of elderly, retired people, including a Black man (who all but said that it was normal to be called a nigger and he was used to it), refused to believe that I didn’t also call him a racial slur, decided that it was some kind of mutual argument and implied that it was impossible that it happened the way I said, and made us both donate money to the Black Student Union at my college. They seemed to feel sorry for him because I went to college and had a job lined up but he was only a high school graduate—there were some murmurings in that direction. They also refused to let my friends say anything, even though the mediation paperwork indicated that they should have been able to speak. Had I been older, less intimidated by my elders, and given less fucks, I would not have let them get away with that.