With zero traction in the real world, PETA is turning to the abuse of CG and animatronic animals in film and television. The nonprofit organization has already secured a larger cage and organic meals for the tiger on AMC’s The Walking Dead, and now its taking aim at the biggest film franchise of them all. Riding the momentum of the Disney backlash created by Twitter user Restore the Republic, PETA is moving full steam ahead to ensure Star Wars: The Last Jedi‘s new cute bird-like creatures called Porgs are being ethically and properly cared for.

Porgs may have taken the world by storm after their appearance in a behind-the-scenes sizzle reel for The Last Jedi, but PETA immediately sensed something was very wrong with the animals. The porgs’ sad eyes and bizarre yelps raised many an eyebrow at PETA’s Norfolk, Virginia headquarters. However, it wasn’t until the official full-length trailer for the film that the organization mobilized into action. A spokesperson for PETA had this to say regarding the Porgs:

“Not only was the lone Porg taken from its natural habitat on Ahch-To, it was unrestrained and placed on the dashboard of the Corellian YT-1300 model light freighter. Had the Wookiee pilot gotten into a hyperspace crash, that Porg would have most certainly died. As caretaker of the Porgs, Jedi Master Luke Skywalker should have taken better care of them instead of being unethical.”

Of course, Disney isn’t taking this lightly. The entertainment behemoth immediately fired back. “They [Porgs] don’t exist, so accusing us of treating them inhumanely is beyond ludicrous. In fact, it does a disservice to the very real animals suffering under poor conditions around the world. PETA’s attempt to make headlines with fake news says more about them than it does about us,” said publicist and CG animal handler Troy Estevez.

Despite Disney’s denial of any wrongdoing, PETA doesn’t seem to be backing down.

“Once you cross the uncanny valley to create lifelike animals on the screen, you have a responsibility to treat these advanced life forms humanely. If that means hiring additional animators to create suitable living conditions and non-GMO forms of digital ambrosia, then that’s your cross to bear. Otherwise don’t play God,” added their spokesperson.

It remains to be seen whether PETA’s protests will impact Disney’s bottom line when The Last Jedi lands in theaters December 15, 2017. But if you’re at all concerned for the safety of porgs, you can help protect them from danger with a t-shirt that warns people to proceed with caution and avoid stepping or running over the pocket-sized creatures.

As always, stay tuned to FakingStarWars.net for all the Star Wars news worth faking. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook for even more unbelievable news from a galaxy far, far away.

-Link Voximilian

DISCLAIMER

No Porgs were harmed during the production of this satire news article.