Most discerning baseball fans go out of their way to avoid local broadcasts of the Chicago White Sox. After all, that's where you find Ken “Hawk” Harrelson, and to voluntarily listen to Hawk is to willingly subject yourself to the threat of severe brain damage. Seriously, you'd be better off huffing Chinese diesel taxicab fumes out of a broken compact florescent bulb.


If you hate your brain and want to punish it, then boy howdy do we have something up your alley. Ear masochists might find pleasure in the above, as well, which aired immediately prior to today's Royals-White Sox game from U.S. Cellular. I'm told the music is from a band called Saliva, which ought to give you fair warning that something terrible is about to happen. Saliva belongs in your mouth, not your ears!

Most sports network promos are 30 seconds long, perhaps 60 if it's a special occasion (i.e. Opening Day). This one's a full 2:30, and other than the seizure-inducing flash edits to obnoxious Sox fans, it consists entirely of players either lip syncing horribly to the music or standing around looking "tough." This might actually be salvageable if it had been produced by a professional outfit, but that's not the case; I think Comcast filmed the whole thing on a Fisher-Price PixelVision then handed the tape to little Jimmy Jablonski in Belmont Cragin and said, "Go for it, kiddo!"


Here are some things people said after the video aired. Mind you, this is only a sample of viewers; most people exposed to this video have yet to recover full cognitive ability.



I don't know if Comcast plans on running this before every Sox game this year, but you've been warned. Then again, if you choose to expose yourself to Hawk Harrelson, you're getting what you deserve anyway. [CSN]