SARAH PALIN (7/8/2014): The many impeachable offenses of Barack Obama can no longer be ignored. ... So it's time to impeach.

Well, since clicking on that page there already caused Facebook to change all my pop-up ads to snow machine and moose clubbing products, let's stay with it.



SARAH PALIN (7/8/2014): Enough is enough of the years of abuse of this President. His unsecured border crisis, for me, is the last straw. It makes kinda the battered wife say no más.

Now, if I may, it appears ex-Governor Palin is finally finished with mangling the English language, and has moved on to making Spanish incomprehensible. (audience laughter) She's like a serial killer of language, or whatever the opposite of a Rosetta Stone is.

Anyway, the point is this. Her point is, the real victim of children fleeing violence in central America is Latina Sarah Palin. It might be easier to dismiss this call for impeachment as just another serving of Sarah Palin's patented word sausages, if not for the fact that people who didn't quit their elected offices mid-term are echoing it.



REP. DOUG COLLINS, R-GA (12/3/2013): You gotta go up there and you just impeach him. REP. KERRY BENTIVOLIO, R-MI (8/19/2013): Tell me how I can impeach the President of the United States. ... It would be a dream come true. REP. MICHELE BACHMANN, R-MN (5/16/2013): There isn't a weekend that hasn't gone by that someone says to me, Michele, what in the world are you all waiting for in Congress? Why aren't you impeaching the President?

That's my Michele Bachmann impression.

The truth is, for most Republicans, impeachment is probably too good for this President.



REP. MICHELE BACHMANN, R-MN (1/30/2014): He declared himself King Obama. SEN. RAND PAUL, R-KY (1/16/2013): ... this king complex ... REP. LOUIE GOHMERT, R-TX (5/16/2014): ... tyrannical despot ... SEN. MARCO RUBIO, R-FL (6/3/2014): He's become a monarch or an emperor. REP. LAMAR SMITH, R-TX (2/26/2014): ... totalitarian ... REP. ALLEN WEST, R-FL (3/13/2012): ... dictatorship ... REP. JOE WALSH, R-IL (6/16/2012): My God, he's a tyrant. REP. RANDY WEBER, R-TX (10/4/2013): Tea Partiers knew in the colonies that King George's dictatorial methods wouldn't be tolerated. We won't tolerate them here! ... I'm Randy Weber, and damn proud to be an American!

Why do I get the feeling he shouts that when he jizzes? (hysterical audience laughter and cheering)

"Ahhh!! I'm Randy Weber, I'm damn proud to be an Ameri....!!! Aww, son of a bitch!!! Ohhhhh!!!!!!

(sings) ♫ My country 'tis of thee

Sweet land of librrrrr...."

(audience laughter and cheering)

I'm quite the acerbic social critic. Hehehehe.

All right, Randy Weber, damn proud American there, I didn't realize the level of despotism of Obama was so great. I'm convinced. Let's rid ourselves of the tyrant.



REP. RANDY WEBER, R-TX (7/15/2014): We do need to do this methodically and correctly, and do it in the right way. So I don't think it's practical that we impeach him right now, but he definitely deserves it.

Are you American Randy Weber or not? Patrick Henry didn't say, "Give me liberty or, if not now, it's fine, I understand. We're busy."

Come on! Don't tell me you can't squeeze one little tyrant impeachment in your busy schedule of not passing laws. What's really going on here?



DICK CHENEY (7/15/2014): I think that gets to be a bit of a distraction, just like the impeachment of Bill Clinton did. REP. JOHN DUNCAN, R-TN (7/15/2014): Another thing, it would fire up the base of the Democrats more than an impeachment action ... that it would turn off some of the independents who are right now leaning our way.

Apparently Republicans can't impeach Obama, they can't beat him in an election, they definitely can't work with him, what's left to do? Use SnapChat to draw a dong on his face?

(audience laughter)

I mean, yeah. It'll make you feel better. But whoa! Mm... swipe it to the left.

But there's got to be something more effective than impeachment, something more fundamentally more American.



BRIAN WILLIAMS (6/25/2014): Speaker of the House John Boehner said he plans to sue the Obama administration on behalf of the GOP-controlled Congress.

(audience laughter)

Really? Let me tell you something. All President Obama has to do is throw his briefcase down unexpectedly, you turn your neck, case dismissed. Boom. Thank you, Mike Brady, Attorney at Law. I'm old.

But enough talk, let's get to the action. What are we suing Obama for? Whaddaya got there, the Fast & Furious, the Benghazi, the IRS, the floating Muslim terror blimp? Oops!



CBS (7/11/2014): The suit has to do with the President's executive order back in 2013 postponing the mandate in the Affordable Care Act that requires large employers to provide health insurance to their employees.

But you know what? I'll take it. Whether this lawsuit has any merit, whether it's a good check on executive power, I don't know. I don't have any idea. But at least, for the first time, the two sides will be forced to deal with each other. Even if it's through their lawyers. Finally, we the people will be represented by our elected representatives........' legal representation. (audience laughter)

As the Founding Fathers envisioned when they were tripping on mushrooms.

We'll be right back.