ROSEMARY BEACH, FL-(OCTOBER 31st, 2011)- News broke today that former Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove has filed a lawsuit against Comedy Central TV host Stephen Colbert. The lawsuit comes after several attacks on Rove through his popular show ‘The Colbert Report.”

Colbert has referred to Rove on several occasions as appearing similar to a head of ham. He has been quoted as saying that Rove is a “is a cold, meaty, lifeless slab of squishy flesh that smells like garbage if you leave it in the sun too long.” Rove’s lawyers have sent numerous cease and desist letters to the producers of the Colbert report urging them to stop the comparisons, which left Rove feeling “unconfident and depressed.”

As a direct result of the taunting, Rove has been seeing a therapist on a daily basis to cope with his new self-confidence issues. These visits have been interfering with his campaigning and have caused him severe depression and social anxiety. Rove feels that Colbert’s defamatory statements will have a direct impact on the way voters perceive him and has injured his reputation as an “upstanding” politician. Rove claims he has been unable to sleep for weeks, as he is having night terrors involving pork.

Rove is suing for libel, harassment, and failure to cease and desist. In response to the lawsuit Colbert stated, “I am truly sorry that I have caused so much pain to Karl Rove. If it is any comfort to him I will say “Ham Rove is one of the greatest conservative meat thinkers since William F. Brisket Jr.”

Rove has stated his extreme embarrassment has made him unable to go out in public without feeling like a slimy piece of meat. Many speculate that Rove is hiding out in his beach house in Rosemary Beach Florida while he awaits the trial against Colbert.

There was no response from Karl Rove regarding Colbert’s apologies. “Ham Rove refused to talk about Karl Rove due to family loyalties. Congealed ham juice is thicker than water.”

No comment yet on the date of the trial.