What Depression Looks Like For Three Different People

Depression is a very serious mental illness affecting millions of people around the globe. It is life for many and yet others perceive a completely stereotypical picture of the disorder. Depression translates into different forms for every individual, which is one of the many reasons people go undiagnosed. Because what they feel isn’t as justifiably drastic as they see in the movies.

Credits: Sydney Sims

Image source: unsplash.com

It is truly unfortunate that it didn’t take long to find three people willing to share their experiences. The fact that all of them requested their identities not be revealed is proof of the crippling stigma attached to the disorder. If society doesn’t chastise someone for a broken leg why does it continue to punish the mentally ill? There are many answers to this question, none of which are pretty.

Alas, this is how three people describe their personal experiences of depression.

Anonymous1

It starts with anxious behavior, pacing back and forth through the living room. Stubbing my knee against the coffee table multiple times without stopping. Thinking about what’s going to happen next, how its going to ruin everything and how I won’t be able to do anything to stop it. Sometimes I walk so fast I start panting and then I have to stop only to force myself to sleep, even if it’s 6 in the evening. And then, sometimes, I wake up in the night, against all my discretion and get up to walk again.

Anonymous2

I was 17 when I first realized feeling the way I did wasn’t normal. I had gone through a nasty breakup, the guy had cheated on me and my life was a mess. For a long time, I didn’t want to do anything. I laid around, barely ate anything and lost enough weight for people to start complimenting my weight loss transformation. Around this time, i procrastinated more than usual and I delayed everything. Even when I had to go to the bathroom, I didn’t. Not because I didn’t want to but because i just didn’t feel like it. I can’t describe it, I just couldn’t. And then one day, my body just gave up, I passed out. It happened again, and then I went to the doctor.

My parents thought I was anemic because i wasn’t eating anymore and i did too. I never thought not peeing would cause my blackouts. But after all the blood tests came out fine, my doctor threw a tonne of questions at me and realized what the problem was. It’s funny though but the doctor just thought I was really lazy. She told me to go to the bathroom on time if i didn’t want to get an infection. Fast forward three years, I found out I wasn’t the only one with depression induced bladder trouble.

Anonymous3

Depression is feeling ashamed and not being able to look in the mirror. Sometimes a person really is a victim of their consequences. During my bad days, I feel like I hate everyone. At times, even those who have never harmed a hair on my head. And then I feel guilty for lashing out and them. I feel like nothing matters and there is no point to living. No, I don’t want to kill myself but I think about it sometimes. It’s interesting.

Depression is also feeling extremely happy one moment and balling your eyes out the next. That too, over something you can’t even recall until you do. Only my close friends and family know I am on medication, most of my social circle doesn’t. And recently, one of my acquaintances commented on my cheerful personality. Which is ironic because, apparently, a depressed person can’t laugh too much.

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