And on the sixth day, God made the beasts of the Earth—but what if the Almighty gave them the ability to say whatever the fuck they wanted to?

Reddit user bon_jover posed this metaphysical question to the Ask Reddit community, wondering, “If all animals could talk, which one would swear the most?”

Redditors responded with almost 7,000 comments—giving an uncensored voice to creatures large and small, from the lowly ant to the mighty kangaroo. The thread was so entertaining, we wanted to bring a few of our favorite comments to life, with original illustrations by Upvoted’s artist-in-residence, Li-Anne Dias.

Presenting… the top four pottymouths of the animal kingdom:

Squirrels

They may be adorable, but as user Tasty_Dingleberries points out, they’re also a bit spastic. “I imagine them eating a nut,” Tasty_Dingleberries shares in a comment, “seeing a person and running away, yelling …”

(And then the squirrel runs up a fucking tree.)

Flies

User silverbackjack voted flies most likely to drop an f-bomb, with this foul-mouthed internal monologue:

(If only the other flies gave a shit.)

Fighting Fish

User psychomaji suggested fighting fish would be most likely to pollute the water with their profane insults:

Siamese fighting fish might be native to Thailand, but when they curse, a different accent comes out:

Mockingbirds

User shrimpcreole went literal by nominating the mischievous “mocking” bird as the animal most likely to swear from the air. In response, user PainMatrix imagined the bird as a household heckler:

The obnoxious mockingbird prompted one Harper Lee fan to quip:

Want even more cursing critters? Check out the full discussion thread with all the funny-ass god-damned motherfucking comments your shitty eyes can read.