One of my facebook friends regularly re-facebooks (re-posts? re-tweets-except-facebook-not-twitter?) a Tea Party feed. Evidently, our neocon friends are all bent out of shape. Obama mansplained to the National Prayer Breakfast that ISIS wasn’t so bad because . . . The Crusades.

Suppose you decided to respond to Obama. How might you? Scorn and ridicule over Obama’s historical illiteracy would seem to be the best response. After that, perhaps an explanation that the Crusades were nothing like ISIS, that they were actually a lot more like fighting ISIS. Responding provides an opportunity for the right clearly to distinguish itself by forthrightly endorsing the Crusades. By positioning ourselves as the defender of the West. By, like, getting to the right of the cultural marxist freak in the White House. A good example of how to fail at this is provided, as so often, by Jonah Goldberg: “Christians aren’t quite as evil as you think, especially now that their faith has been eviscerated and they are powerless, cringing pansies. Muslims, on the other hand, retain some moxie and are therefore terrifying.”

Anyway, back to facebook and the Tea Party. The Tea Party feed / facebook page / fanclub / whatever links to this list of 20 “epic” responses to Obama. These are, in no particular order:

The Crusades were a long time ago. ISIS is homophobic. Obama is an effeminate, muslim follower of James Cone. The Crusades were a long time ago. ISIS is not feminist. Our ancestors were evil Crusaders, but, you see, Jesus hates our ancestors even more than we do. Muslims, not only do they love their ancestors, but the founder of their religion approves!! See how that makes us better? I, Franklin Graham, have some trouble using a calendar, especially if I have to subtract right after, or compare three digit numbers to four digit numbers. But, never mind that, Jesus really hates my Crusading, Christian ancestors. Also, notwithstanding the calendar thing, people I trust tell me the Crusades were a long time ago. Hey, has anyone here ever heard of “regression to the mean?” People keep emailing me about it. Bill Kristol, my go-to guy on intellectual stuff, doesn’t know what it means either. Maybe I should ask Ben Stein? Wasn’t that the name of a TV show? Or was it win Ben Stein’s soul? “The Devil went down to the Upper East Side // He was lookin’ for a soul to steal // An’ he was runnin’ way behind ” . . . “Side-behind:” that rhymes, right? Hmmmm, can you go down to the Upper East Side . . . Well, maybe if you started in Connecticut . . . Megadittoes to number 6 by the way. Is there a trademark issue with saying Megadittoes? Maybe it’s a single, incidental use? Get me H Lee Levin; I mean Mark Levin. He’s a lawyer, you know. The Crusades were a long time ago. Did I mention this one already? Summarize Obama’s message; point-and-splutter; provide no explanation whatsoever of what you are spluttering about. (If you have to ask, you’re probably an effeminate, muslim follower of James Cone. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.) Dumping on the Crusades is bad electoral strategy. (Because Americans really like the Crusades? Because Ohio is a swing state and the Columbus Crusaders’ parents vote? Because absolutely everything reminds me of the GOP and elections?) Thumbs up on genocide and Flavor Flav. The Crusades were a long time ago x 7. And, my personal favorite, Dr Marty Fox (who absolutely has to be a twitter troll account), whining how it is mean of Obama to say that Christianity is worse than Islam when, as we all know, they are both murderous death cults. Gavin McInnes, winning strange new respect from me, with a good reply. Notice the mysterious lack of cringing. Notice not one insult directed at those mean Crusaders. No aimless babbling about what a nice, nice man that Jesus guy was and how he would never approve of scene-making, nastiness, sieges, Knights Hospitaller, or any of that icky man stuff. Dude ate his Wheaties this morning.