Last year the Scottish nationalists turned the referendum on Scottish independence into a choice between Scotland and Britain. A poll that started off as a contest between two patriotic visions of Scotland’s future – one inside Britain one outside – descended into a choice: are you for Scotland or against Scotland? Thousands were persuaded that a yes vote was the only way to show themselves to be patriotic Scots.

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Anti-Europeans are slowly, and with surprisingly little public acknowledgment, pulling off the same trick by framing Europe – the subject of what could be the next referendum – in the same way. What should be a choice between two patriotic futures for Britain – one as part of Europe and one outside it – is already descending into a more basic emotional choice: are you for Britain, or are you for Europe?

I can already imagine TV debates that Eurosceptics dream of, pitting Jean-Claude Juncker, portrayed as cheerleader for Europeanising everything, including our army, against Nigel Farage, representing a Britain that defines true patriotism as rejecting Europe for Britain.

More alarming, Ukip has made economic insecurity the starting point of a “culture war” that blames foreigners, targets immigrants, engenders a siege mentality against the outsider and says that Britain is barely recognisable to those who believe in it.

Sadly we pro-Europeans are in danger of fighting with the wrong weapons: a worthy, London establishment-led corporate-financed fact-based campaign of “the great and the good”, whose commitment to Europe is admirable but whose prominence will be used by anti-Europeans to justify the allegation that Europe is for an elite who don’t understand the real Britain.

Of course, we must tell the truth about the 3 million jobs, 25,000 companies, £200bn of annual exports and £​450bn of inward investment linked to Europe; and how the “Britzerland” or Norwegian alternatives (even Norwegians oppose the Norwegian option) leave us subject to EU rules, but denied a vote in shaping them.

Being half-in half-out, a Britain that is semi-detached and disengaged, has made us weaker than ever

And we must talk about how the Hong Kong option – “leaving Europe to join the world” – is really the North Korea option, out in the cold with few friends, no influence, little new trade and even less new investment. And, of course, we must champion European reform as Ed Miliband and Douglas Alexander have, avoiding the trap of pro-Europeans representing the status quo and anti-Europeans representing change.

But laudable factsheets about trade or well-meaning manifestos on the minutiae of reform will be no match for the gut emotional appeal of claims that Europe is making Britain a foreign country. When you are fighting back in a culture war, you must take on one set of deeply felt beliefs with another set of deeply felt beliefs. As Scotland’s referendum taught, you cannot fight for hearts by appealing only to heads and bank accounts. If we are to win hearts, our core message must be bigger than the business case, bigger also than principled arguments for European engagement: that the true patriotic course for Britain is not just to engage but to lead in Europe – with progressive British values to the fore.

That has always been true, whether defeating Napoleon, containing Germany, conquering fascism and ending the cold war in the name of liberty and democracy – or recently halting the global recession.

Our arguments for leading must not only be passionate, principled, patriotic and popular but also focused on the future – demonstrating that the Britain that championed tolerance, liberty and social responsibility before any other, the Britain that can claim to have invented and popularised the idea of civic society, is ready once again to lead a progressive movement for change.

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It is a movement to mobilise Europe to tackle climate change, protectionism, tax shelters, inequality and the greatest challenge – make a seemingly out-of-control, uncontrollable global economy work for people by tackling its injustices, giving globalisation what it urgently needs: a human face.

The way to reconcile what too often has seemed irreconcilable – in Hugo Young’s memorable words “the British past we cannot forget and the British future we cannot avoid” – is not only to show we are geographically, historically, economically and culturally part of Europe but also prove that leading in Europe is not an abandonment of our patriotism but the truest expression of it. There is not one shred of evidence that any of our interventions in Europe has made us any less British, any less true to ourselves.

It would be sheer defeatism to cast ourselves, as sceptics do, as helpless victims, impotent bystanders unable to influence events. Our destiny is not a bit player on someone else’s stage, or a spectator hectoring from the wings, but always setting the agenda, bringing people together, and championing change.

Being half-in half-out, a Britain that is semi-detached and disengaged – the Britain of the empty chair even when we are in the room – has made us weaker than ever: irrelevant on Greece, fringe player on climate change, mere spectator in the debate that could have shaped a European pro-growth policy, marginal on Ukraine, with ministers sounding ludicrous as simultaneously they say “Russia must be confronted with a more united Europe” and “By the way, we are thinking of leaving”.

In a decade or two, as German population falls, Britain will again become Europe’s biggest, most powerful economy. It would be a terrible irony if Britain opts out, leaving Europe divided, Russia empowered, the US bypassing us for a Franco-German axis – and Scotland threatening to abandon a non-European UK.

An England that glories in isolation is not the England that I know and love. Instead we must stand up for a Britain that has always seen the English Channel not as a moat but as a highway – and the North Sea not as our defence against engagement but as the route to it. Britain has shaped the destiny of Europe and the world before. Only defeatists, who claim to be championing a patriotic future but have given up on British leadership, will tell you that we cannot play our part in shaping it again.