BOSTON—Referring to his fellow anonymous Reddit commenter as “a total stooge,” 25-year-old Brian Gallagher ruthlessly scolded another man online Wednesday for having an opinion identical to one he held less than two years prior. “You’re just a fucking tool of the machine, defending the status quo,” said Gallagher, suggesting that the man echoing the beliefs of the 23-year-old Gallagher should “Wake the hell up” and “Quit carrying water for the corrupt fat cats running the shitshow.” “Are you fucking kidding me? Is that seriously what you think? You clearly don’t understand the first thing about how the world works. It’s like you’ve never even heard of Noam Chomsky, who [I first read in August of 2017] would be rolling in his grave right now if he heard the weak-ass bullshit you’re peddling. God, this whole country is fucked if you’re the future.” Gallagher further recommended that his unenlightened time-shifted doppelgänger educate himself by reading the same two articles that had changed Gallagher’s 23-year-old mind.

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