When the outcome of a decision results in a positive experience. risk can be looked at as a good thing. Deciding to go back to school, changing career path, relocating your home – all contribute to positive, life altering circumstances.

Then, there are times when impulsive decisions lead to negative consequences. The question is, how do you know if you’re addicted to risky, self-destructive behavior?

Do you go back to the same type of volatile relationship?

Do you hang out with certain people knowing that you may end up in jail or hurt?

Do you drink to the point of blacking out? (And it’s occurred more than once).

Do you easily give into temptation when drugs are around?

Have you been involved in drinking and driving accidents?

Do you have unprotected sex aware of the potential consequences such as STD’s, and unplanned pregnancy?

My addiction

Hello, my name is Mia and I’m addicted to risk and shit.

I have been trying to deal with my dark habits, but unfortunately, sadness runs deep. It takes over, and once it has even the slightest hold on you, it’s hard to find a way out. Light doesn’t seem to exist, and you go back to where you were before, but even worse off.

For me, alcohol is difficult. I don’t want to black out because of drinking. I try to drink like a normal person should, but when I’m in this “Oh, the world is so cold” victim mode, I drink excessively. Therefore, I black out; causing the very thing I don’t want to happen,

Vicious cycle recreated all due to negative thoughts. If I didn’t get sad over the flaming bags of shit that life throws at me, I wouldn’t black out. I wouldn’t drink to that extent because I would be in a mindful place. I would constantly be aware of the power my thoughts have over my actions.

Deep-rooted issue

Repeatedly finding yourself in uncomfortable, but familiar, situations is not caused by lack of good judgement. Quite the opposite actually. Addicts of risk are well aware of the dangerous positions they place themselves in.

Our desire to fill an unknown void, permits us to seek out temporary happiness in whichever form is presented. The thrill of letting go of our control, wanting to escape reality, brings on this jaded feeling. A loss of all care for yourself, others, and everything else surrounding you…

Subconsciously, we make decisions based on past experiences. filling the role of victim. I seek out a brief distraction from reality, but my impulses usually tend to lead me to pure disaster.

Problem is that these type of choices result in feeling brutal regret, later on. Untreated emotional pain, whether we know it or not, opens the flood gates to self-destructive behavior because of the way we think.

Stop and (positively) think

Obviously, just thinking positively is easier said than done. Hence, my affair with alcoholism. It’s hard to climb out of the mental black hole once you put yourself there.

Addiction to risk has many subcategories that run parallel to other issues, such as; drug, alcohol,and sexual abuse, criminal activity, and mental illness. So, what is the solution to risk addiction?

I used to go to therapy in my younger days, and honestly, I hated all of them. I felt like they did nothing for me, which, to this day, is still debatable. But, looking back, I wish I grasped the concept of talking out loud. I mean, this person gets paid to listen to your complaints, aspirations, and darkest secrets, with the absolute luxury of knowing that they will not gossip about you (actually, they won’t talk about you with people you know).

Sometimes, talking out loud makes the decision making process easier to manage. Any addiction is difficult to do alone because everyone needs support, even if it’s a habit you think is silly.

Being a risk-taker, is a trait I take pride in the most. I appreciate the openness I have. On the other hand, I have a habit of making terrible decisions. My advice, which I really do try to heed by, is making the conscious effort to stop and think, then talk it out loud to someone; therapist, friend, family member, or stranger.

Make sure you don’t wake up tomorrow adding more regret into your world.