Babies cry – it’s what they do. It’s what we all did, right after taking our first breath. As adults, of course, we try to hold it together but there are times when the mask slips and the tears start to fall.

Ask most people in the UK about crying in public and they’ll probably think of two people. Paul Gascoigne and Gwyneth Paltrow. One cried on the football field and one at the Oscars. Both events were over fifteen years ago and yet people still remember the uncontrollable tears when they think of them.

When Gazza was given a red card in the semi-final of the 1990 World Cup (denying him an appearance in the final), his tears were instant. No one watching the match at the time felt his tears were anything other than genuine. The whole country felt his pain – sport unites people in a way that politics rarely does. So it seems odd, and a little unfair, that he was later given the “cry baby” tag.

Eventually, he opted for the “if you can’t beat them join” them approach by laughing at himself in this Walkers ad.

As sport is all about winning and losing – we expect tears, especially when someone has waited a long time for a particular victory. Their crying makes us share their joy – for example, when Serena Williams won her first-round game at Wimbledon in 2011 following an injury-enforced break of 49 weeks.

The Oscars are all about winning and losing too. The reason Gwyneth Paltrow’s tearful acceptance speech at the 1999 Oscars is so memorable is because it was like a car crash in slow motion. She started off showing genuine emotion. If she had stopped then, it would have been fine. Yet for some reason she continued to thank her family – all of her family! It was as if she was out of control and couldn’t stop. Actors should always prepare an acceptance speech in advance. Colin Firth and Daniel Day-Lewis are brilliant at this – planning a neat little story and then leaving the stage before emotion takes over.



When we see the great and the good crying – we ask ourselves two questions: are the tears justified and are the tears “real”?

As an audience, we don’t want to feel our emotions are being manipulated. We want to decide for ourselves how we react to a story. We don’t want our news readers to cry every night, despite having to deliver sad news most of the time. In fact, we often find it hard to relate to six million displaced people, yet the story of one displaced family can move us to tears. We see images of natural disasters and man’s inhumanity on the news night after night, yet we still manage to sit and eat our supper. But, if a story related to someone we know, we would stop eating immediately.

When politicians cry we often, initially, put on our cynical hat. As they pause to wipe a tear from their eye, we ask ourselves: “Are they aware of the impact this is having? Are they doing this for affect?” We don’t want to feel manipulated, yet we want to be able to respond to real events with appropriate emotion. When President Obama was speaking about gun control with high emotion, was he genuinely finding it hard to speak or was it planned?

When Hilary Clinton teared up on the campaign trail talking about her country, “This is very personal to me”, were her tears justified or real? When Putin cried when he won the 2012 election, was the situation justified?

In times of real national tragedy, we will probably forgive tears, but only occasionally, So, how many times can people cry in public?

Too often looks weak; just once may look emotionally connected.

It does seem that crying in public is still looked upon as a major event. Almost as if we see tears as a sign of weakness in our leaders and that somehow they might be starting to fall apart completely.

Political leaders displaying emotion can sometimes unite a country in common grief, as Blair did so well after Princess Diana’s death.

So perhaps it’s the appropriateness of the situation that we judge them on?

Interestingly, we tend to believe that tears of joy are “real”, as in Pharrell Williams’ Oprah interview in 2014. Actors can cry easily – it’s part of their skill set – using a combination of channelled emotions and learned technique. But often it’s when the character an actor is playing doesn’t cry, but instead tries hard to fight back the tears that we are really moved. It is witnessing someone else’s personal fight that can truly “set us off”.

So I would advise politicians, senior leaders and celebrities only to use tears sparingly.

Or better still; try hard to fight back the tears. That way they look both emotionally strong and emotionally connected. And they might also have a chance to really move their audience. As long as they don’t do this too often, of course.

Robin Kermode is the founder of training and coaching consultancy Zone 2, and the author of Speak: So Your Audience Will Listen – a practical guide for anyone who has to speak to another human being