MONTPELIER – Vermont Governor Phil Scott was sworn in to a second term in office yesterday alongside a number of other elected officials. The governor then laid out his legislative priorities in a speech that proposed, among other things, the creation of new artificial taxpayers in a lab.

Gov. Scott was very clear that the state does not need any new taxes, but rather new taxpayers, and he has made it his primary goal to create these new taxpayers using the latest scientific methods. There are currently no businesses in Vermont that are creating artificial taxpayers, but the governor feels confident that with enough funding, from existing revenue streams that he will detail at a later date, multiple laboratories will be able to create new taxpayers for the state.

“I have traveled all over this great state,” Gov. Scott said in his address, “and I have heard the need for new taxpayers. And we have the technology. We can build them. I spoke with Dr. Frances Stein of Swanton, and she told me that there may be a way to recycle old taxpayers and create newer, more powerful taxpayers. And I have consistently been strong on recycling.

I visited with Dr. Miles Warren of Brattleboro, and he showed me his lab where he is working every day to take existing taxpayers and create multiple copies of them. These Vermonters are dedicated to the most noble of goals, the creation of more Vermonters. I am committed to increasing the number of taxpayers, and there is no easy solution to this problem, but I believe that if we work together we can solve this crisis.”

Critics of the governor’s plan have suggested that paid family leave might be one way to encourage the creation of potential future taxpayers, but Gov. Scott has made it very clear that this process would take a minimum of 18 years, and he is looking for a more immediate solution.

Image Credits: Glenn Russell.