It’s joyous! It’s exhausting! There are diapers—so many diapers!

Everyone seems to have a vague vision of parenthood thanks to friends and social media (hey, cool poop chart, random classmate from high school!), so why are first-time moms and dads still startled when they find themselves in the midst of caring for offspring of their own? What are parents not talking about? What really happens before and after they snap those adorable Instagram photos?

In the Ask Reddit community, redditor tosin26 posed the question, “What is it that nobody tells you about having children?”

A frank and enlightening discussion ensued.

Here’s what we learned. Pass it along to all those considering having babies because they’re cute and cuddly.

They often come out looking not quite as you were expecting.

There comes a terrifying moment when you realize that you’re responsible for an actual human creature.

Your identity will change.

You may not instantly love your baby.

You’ll worry about a million things, including this:

(But eventually, you’ll become more relaxed.)

Say goodbye to mealtime as you know it.

Everyone has an opinion about how you should raise your kid.

There’s no one-size-fits-all solution—only what works for you.

Oftentimes, kids are gonna be who they’re gonna be.

Of course, over time, a kid can become less of an asshole.

There’s mom- and dad-guilt. Lots of it.

Kids get sick often and it’s the worst.

Your love for your child will shock you and terrify you. You’ll become someone you don’t recognize—sometimes in wonderful ways.

See the full discussion in the original Ask Reddit post.