In the end, it was an exchange program with the University of Oklahoma that offered Nian a ticket out. There, she finally found groups of friends that matched her interests.

"When I was partying back home, we were the only people who went out to clubs, but in Oklahoma most people would do it," Nian said. "I think a lot of Chinese students are curious about trying different things but they're so timid because they care too much about how people would judge them."

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Many American portrayals of authoritarian China conjure up the image of nanny-state politicians and government censors, but the stress felt by most young Chinese people is more likely to come in the form of family pressures related to marriage and career choices.

These pressures can be especially strong for young Chinese women who are saddled with the expectations of grandparents old enough to remember the days of arranged marriages and bound feet. Nian got a heavy dose of these pressures after returning from another year of working and studying in England.

"I thought it was going to just be funny," Nian said. "But it wasn't."

Constant pestering from family members was reinforced by the fact that almost all of her closest friends who had stayed in China were married or pregnant.

"People think it's a problem for me to be single; even though it shouldn't be," Nian said. "I realized I've become the minority, and they think that if you're single you shouldn't be happy. You're not supposed to be happy."

Xu Yawen, for her part, felt a world of difference when it came to dating and gender roles in the two countries. "In general, guys in the West think a woman should be independent, sexy and confident," Xu reflected. "But here in Eastern countries most men think a woman should be obedient. You handle the house, do good housework, do the washing. No need to be smart, no need to be independent."

***

In the end, marriage expectations and strictly proscribed gender roles contribute to reverse culture shock for those Chinese who come home after studying abroad. The difficulty of re-adjusting to life in China has been documented in studies showing that while just 17 percent of Chinese people who study in the United States reported having difficulty settling into American life, a full 35 percent have trouble adjusting on their return to China.

Xu Yawen struggled with both the social and political limits that she returned to in Xi'an. Many social interactions that previously seemed natural now felt fake, and despite a promising start in journalism, Xu found herself unwilling to re-engage with the Chinese media on its own terms.

"I didn't go to any local press rooms because I was afraid to face reality," Xu said. "I was afraid to listen to my editor tell me what to do, what to cover, what to not cover."

After just a year back in her hometown, Xu is preparing to return to the United States, this time to begin an MBA at Texas A&M-Commerce.