Ever fancied pulling yourself up a wall by firmly gripping a purple penis?

‘Course you have. Haven’t we all?

Now, finally, this extremely common (right?) dream can become reality.

Design company Bompas & Parr have just unveiled a climbing wall with penises, vulvae, faces, boobs, and bums for grips.


Not actual penises, vulvae, faces, boobs, and bums, to be clear. That type of wall is reserved for orgy parties. We’re talking about brightly coloured body parts made of plastic, that you can grasp to ease yourself to the top of the wall.

The wall is called Grope Mountain, and it’ll be on display in London and Liverpool on 14 February, for all your Valentine’s Day related needs.*



*Trust me, straight lads. Forget the fancy dinner and cocktails. All women just want to be taken to a wall of boobs and balls this V Day.

When and where you can climb Grope Mountain

How to climb Grope Mountain: London Grope Mountain: When: Saturday 11 February to Sunday 12 February, 7pm-10pm

Saturday 11 February to Sunday 12 February, 7pm-10pm Where: The Climbing Hangar London, 5 Parsons Green Depot, 33-35 Parsons Green Lane, London, SW6 4HH

The Climbing Hangar London, 5 Parsons Green Depot, 33-35 Parsons Green Lane, London, SW6 4HH You can book tickets for £10 through Eventbrite Liverpool Grope Mountain: When: Tuesday 14 February, 7pm-10pm

Tuesday 14 February, 7pm-10pm Where: The Climbing Hangar Liverpool, 6 Birchall Street, Liverpool, L20 8PD

The Climbing Hangar Liverpool, 6 Birchall Street, Liverpool, L20 8PD You can book tickets for £10 through Eventbrite

The wall was originally on display at the Museum of Sex in New York as part of FUNLAND, but us Londoners and Liverpudlians are now lucky enough to be treated to the joy of climbing a raunchy wall on our home ground.

For its trip to the UK, Grope Mountain now has a higher course and more routes to ascend.

The goal is to reach the top first to become the ‘King or Queen of Grope Mountain’, but there’s an ~artsy~ meaning behind the whole thing, too.

‘This journey encourages a rethink of the participants’ own body,’ explain Bompas & Parr on their website.

‘A visit to a conventional climbing wall is always physically engaging but has also been said to be intriguingly erotic: the combination of strength, balance and mental agility exhibited by climbers is enhanced by the voyeurism of spectators watching from behind.

‘Grope Mountain turbocharges that [effect], making the erotic nature of the experience all the more manifest for climbers and spectators alike, resulting in an unrivalled date night for Valentine’s Day.’

Right then.

We’d also suggest thinking of the wall as all your sexual challenges and insecurities, ready for you to overcome.

Think of climbing the wall as climaxing – in mind and spirit.

Or just enjoy grabbing on to an erect pink penis and hauling yourself to the top, treading on bums as you go.

If you’d like to try mastering Grope Mountain, the wall will be in London from 11 February to 12 February, and in Liverpool on 14 February. Happy climbing.

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