There are political ads that attack candidates. There are ads that attack candidates’ policies. There are even ads that attack candidates’ health problems. But beneath that subterranean level is another class of ads: those that throw lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender voters under the bus. And regardless of how you feel about gay marriage, these kinds of ads hit rock bottom for an entirely different reason. They flunk acting, screenwriting, stage direction, and costume design 101. Here are five of the worst offenders:

1. “That’s Not the Change I Voted For”

Sponsor: Campaign for American Values PAC (2012)

The Fail: The ominous jars of animal crackers, the old-timey “I just lost my job in a Lucille Ball comedy” music, the furrowed brows, the mysteriously awkward sentence cadences, and the completely false premise that these people actually voted for President Obama in 2008.

2. “I’m Confused”

Sponsor: National Organization for Marriage (2009)

The Fail: Using small children to spout political views, excess blush, the fact that something or someone (the director?) has managed to inspire real, tangible terror in the smallest children, and saying “Our kids will be taught a new way of thinking!” like it’s a bad thing.

3. “Boys Beware”

Sponsor: The Inglewood, California, Police Department and School District (1961)

The Fail: Comparing homosexuality to smallpox, equating it with pedophilia, general fear-mongering, creepy facial hair, and the fact that our main character (Jimmy) vanishes at the end of the film, never to be seen or heard from again.

4. “War on Religion”

Sponsor: Gov. Rick Perry (R-Texas) (2011)

The Fail: Since when can’t kids openly celebrate Christmas? And what does this have to do with Don’t Ask Don’t Tell? Also, someone has to say it: The rough-and-ready governor’s Carhartt-style wardrobe is straight off the set of Brokeback Mountain.

5. “A Storm is Coming”

Sponsor: National Organization for Marriage (2009)

Fail: What NOM had in quantity, it lacked in quality: special effects stolen from a Final Cut Pro tutorial, people photoshopped in front of said special effects, costumes from the J. Crew bargain bin, fake-sounding foreign accents, and a complete and total inversion of logic. Oh, and spiky-hair lady: How does gay marriage affect the way you live, anyway?



On the plus side, though, that NOM effort led to this great Futurama spoof ad:

6. BONUS: “Vote NO on robosexual marriage”