What you are about to read is from an actual court filing. Gregory McKenna has filed suit against Apple , which he alleges is conspiring with the mob in an effort to coerce him to return to a New York-based modeling agency he quit in 2000. As explained in the 124-page complaint, an iPod shuffle he bought on eBay in 2005 and an iPod mini he bought new from an Apple store in 2006 -- possibly a nano, as minis were discontinued a year prior -- both contain receivers that have allowed the Mafia to send audio death threats that play in tandem with his music. The suit seeks $14.3 million total and lists ten defendants in all, including a local mechanic, a private investigator, the St. Louis Police Department, the FBI, and the US Department of Justice. While our initial reaction is to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all, it's hard not to feel sad for McKenna and his state of mind -- of course, if by some stroke of fate he manages to prove it was all one big conspiracy perpetrated by the Mafia, well, guess we'll be ending up with egg on our faces.[Via TUAW