The work of an etiquette expert is never-ending. No sooner have you adjusted to a world in which the households you advise may have few or – whisper it – no staff, than the technology giants develop personal assistants using artificial intelligence.

It is a whole new minefield and, as the Times reports, one already developing new expertise. One BBC tech executive told a conference audience on Tuesday that her solution to children developing poor manners due to Alexa, Siri and their rivals (the AI will respond whether you say “please” or not) was for adults in the house to say “please” and “thank you” to the AIs at all times. With that first step in mind, here is our extensive and scientific list of etiquette do’s and don’ts when dealing with your AI assistant:

Do: say please and thank you. But remember, you don’t know who is listening, so why not occasionally also thank the tech firms’ analytics teams, any police officers tuning in, and whichever Russian hacker is probably also on the line?

Don’t: involve your AI assistant in any criminal activity – they are there to help you listen to music or book a trip. As one murder suspect discovered, Alexa and her ilk record all the commands they hear.

Do: if you’re going to be out of the house for a long time, why not leave the radio on for Alexa? You would do it for a dog, and no dog of mine has ever managed to get the Bluetooth speaker working. Sure, experts might say AI does not have consciousness, but what do experts know?

Don’t: overreact if your virtual assistant randomly plays music or suddenly speaks. Yes, you might be terrified the robot revolution has begun, but it’s only trying to help.

Do: change the name of your virtual assistant if it’s too similar to your own, your partner’s, or of any friends. As Alexas across the country have learned, the alternative is widespread confusion among human and AIs alike.

Don’t: try to encourage your friend’s virtual assistants to make expensive purchases for them when they are out of the room.