As the summer winds down, it’s time to celebrate the stupidest and most outrageous events that occurred on campus last academic year.

Here are the 20 — and then some — stupidest, most outrageous and most cringe-worthy campus moments of 2013-14.

In March, an obscure assistant philosophy professor at Rochester Institute of Technology penned a 900-word-plus screed announcing his desire to imprison people who disagree with him about global warming. The professor, Lawrence Torcello, complained that certain nefarious, unidentified individuals have organized a “campaign funding misinformation.” “The funding of climate denial,” he argues, “ought to be considered criminally negligent.” (RELATED: US College Professor Demands Imprisonment For Climate-Change Deniers)

Oberlin College is clearly the worst college in the world and no parent should ever send a kid there. The school that canceled classes for a day in 2013 because a couple Obama-loving white kids allegedly circulated virulently racist, anti-Jewish and anti-gay messages around campus is also considering a complex set of rules that would mandate transgender sensitivity training for all coaches and athletic staff members. The new policy would replace all gender-specific pronouns – she, her, hers, he, her, hers – with plural equivalents they, them and theirs. (RELATED: Oberlin College Mulls Ban On Gender Pronouns, Mandatory Transgender Sensitivity Training)

Occidental College is making a strong push to become the worst American college. This spring, the mediocre private dump that President Barack Obama once attended — before wisely transferring to Columbia University as a junior — offered academic credit for a class on “RuPaul’s Drag Race.” In the fall, a female student at Occidental accused a now-expelled male student of rape after texting him “do you have a condom” and sending a separate, eager, smiley-face text to friend reading “I’mgoingtohave sex now” [sic]. The male student claims sociology professor Danielle Dirks later indicated that he “fit the profile of other rapists on campus in that he had a high GPA in high school, was his class valedictorian, was on [a sports] team, and was ‘from a good family.'” (RELATED: Lawsuit: Professor Brands College Student Rapist Because He Got Good Grades, Played Sports And Was ‘From A Good Family’)

The University of Illinois system has continued its bizarre quest to employ as many scumbags as possible by acquiring the services of Steven Salaita, a leading light in the movement among obscure academics to boycott Israel. The hiring of Salaita marks a triefecta of sorts. The eternal slab of concrete that is the University of Illinois at Chicago was the professional home of coddled little rich boy turned coddled, bumbling Weather Underground terrorist Bill Ayers for 23 years. Down the road, the semi-prestigious flagship campus at Urbana–Champaign has employed urban planning professor James Kilgore — a felon and a former member of the notorious Symbionese Liberation Army that kidnapped newspaper heiress Patty Hearst. (RELATED: TERRORIST UNIVERSITY: The University of Illinois System Keeps Hiring Terrorists)

Dartmouth College, America’s most hopelessly and disturbingly fragile Ivy League school, has been home to a host of ridiculous politically-correct brouhahas this year. In February, some enigmatic group of leftist students delivered an eight-page, grievance-filled email to students’ inboxes threatening “physical action” if administrators did not meet a long list of demands. Later, in April, the infirm Ivy was the site of a fracas over a “Phiesta” fundraiser for cardiac care that the Phi Delta Alpha fraternity and the Alpha Phi sorority had planned. Problems arose because a single student, junior Daniela Hernandez, was offended that the party would feature daiquiris, burritos and guacamole. (RELATED: At Dartmouth, The Word ‘Fiesta’ Is Racist And White People Can’t Use It)

Back in September, The Daily Caller reported that the Ohio State University Department of Public Safety had acquired its very own armored military vehicle that looks like it belongs in Iraq or Afghanistan. The school envisions a number of uses for the vehicle including “officer rescue,” “hostage scenarios,” “bomb evaluation” and, somehow, lumbering after campus killers. (RELATED: The Cops At Ohio State Have An Armored Fighting Vehicle Now)

This past Halloween, Washington University in St. Louis student Mahroh Jahangiri complained after five other, more interesting students dressed up as a Navy SEAL team capturing Osama bin Laden with garish neon water guns. The five students posted a photo of their costumes on Facebook with the title “Halloween ’13 Amurrica!!” The photo shows three dudes in camouflage attire surrounding a kid also in camo garb who is sporting a long, fake beard and a turban. Another guy in the background holds up an American flag. Jahangiri objected to the photo because she views mimicking the American military’s killing of Osama bin Laden as a hateful Muslim stereotype. (RELATED: Muslim Student Pitches A Fit Over These Awesome Halloween Costumes)

At South Puget Sound Community College, the Diversity and Equity Center sent an invitation to all 300 employees of the taxpayer-funded school concerning a happy hour intended only for “people of color.” “If you want to create space for white folks to meet and work on racism, white supremacy, and white privilege to better our campus community and yourselves, please feel free to do just that,” the email read. A dopey, multi-pierced staffer named Karama Blackhorn refused to back down from the absurd wording. However, a dean quickly apologized and noted that the school had canceled the whites-excluded happy hour. (RELATED: Taxpayer-Funded Community College BANS WHITE PEOPLE From Staff Happy Hour)

What an embarrassing year for Harvard University. In May, the Harvard Crimson released an extensive survey showing that over 20 percent of Harvard’s seniors are still virgins and 48 percent of all graduating Harvard men regularly watch porn. Also in May, the Harvard Extension School Cultural Studies Club relocated a Satanic “black mass” ritual — originally scheduled at a campus pub — to a nearby Chinese restaurant. The Cultural Studies Club had been heartily endorsing the on-campus demonic re-enactment despite an outcry from concerned students and the public. (RELATED: Harvard Satanic Mass Relocated Off Campus After Public Backlash)

This spring, gay-rights activists at Northeastern Illinois University — the school that thinks President Abraham Lincoln was a Democrat — demanded that school officials rename a building currently called Lech Walesa Hall because a negative comment Lech Walesa once made about homosexuals might cause gay students to kill themselves. Walesa, an electrician, is a Nobel Prize-winning Polish politician, trade-union organizer and human-rights activist who did as much as any other human being to free Eastern Europe from the yoke of communism. (RELATED: Now Gay Activists Are Whining About A Campus Building Named After Heroic Anti-Communist)

Administrators at the University of California, Irvine deemed coconut bras and grass skirts racist after the Phi Gamma Delta fraternity — commonly known by the moniker FIJI since 1894 — hosted a charity fundraiser called the FIJI Islander party which featured students dressed in the island-themed garb. The kerfuffle began on May 20 when Save Gasaiwai, a UCI student of Fijian descent, complained that the event caused pain to “marginalized” people and reinforced “white male hegemonic structures.” (RELATED: UC Irvine Leftists Call FIJI Frat Racist For Fundraiser Featuring Coconut Bras, Grass Skirts)

Columbia University in New York City is spending a $5.7 million grant from the National Science Foundation on projects that show completely conjectural global-warming scenarios. One of the taxpayer-funded creations is a large series of pretend voicemails in which people complain and gasp for breath. For example, in one fake voicemail set in 2065, a man tells his mother that he is really worried about dying from either rising temperatures or a huge tsunami. In another, a woman struggles frantically for breath because she is “out of CO2 credits.” (RELATED: Columbia University Is Spending Millions Of Tax Dollars On Fake Climate-Change Death Voicemails)

In May, an analytic chemistry professor at public, taxpayer-funded East Carolina University failed miserably in his bizarre effort to prevent students from thanking God in departmental graduation ceremony personal statements. “You can’t thank God. I’m sorry about this,” the professor, Eli Hvastkovs, wrote, “and I don’t want to have to outline the reasons why.” When officials at the Greenville, N.C. school learned about Hvastkovs’s policy banning God in personal statements, they in turn banned the policy. Provost Marilyn Sheerer sent an email to affected students directing them to ignore the religious embargo. (RELATED: THANK GOD! Professor Smacked Down For Trying To Ban Thanking God At Graduation)

In March, a “4000 Years for Choice” art exhibit at the University of Michigan charted the glamorous history of abortion and, according to a webpage sponsored by the women’s studies department, celebrated the practice as a “life-sustaining act” and “a gift from God.” The artist behind the artwork is pro-abortion activist Heather Ault, who has committed her professional life to the exultation of the joys of abortion. Her various posters declare “Empower the Douche” and “Rejoice Fumigation.” (RELATED: Art Exhibit At University Of Michigan Honors Abortion As Awesome ‘Life-Sustaining’ Act)

Two Gonzaga University students faced expulsion in November because one of them produced a gun in response to an aggressive, possibly homeless man who was violently demanding money and tried to enter their apartment. Administration found seniors Erik Fagan and Daniel McIntosh in violation of a blanket policy outlawing guns in all university-owned buildings. Their Gonzaga-owned apartment is located a couple blocks from the urban campus. (RELATED: Gonzaga students use gun to scare away violent intruder, now face EXPULSION)

In March, University of California, Santa Barbara feminist studies professor Mireille Miller-Young and a small gaggle of female students forcibly stole and destroyed a graphic anti-abortion sign from two abortion protesters. Miller-Young, who later excused her own behavior by telling cops she felt “triggered” “in a negative way,” also scratched and appeared to push one of the protesters (a 16-year-old girl). After the professor’s shenanigans (but before charges were filed) a taxpayer-paid vice-chancellor emailed students warning of “offensive speech” and denouncing “various anti-abortion crusaders.” (VIDEO: The Feminist Studies Prof Facing Assault Charges For Attacking 16-Year-Old Abortion Foe)

Before changing their minds in the face of national criticism, administrators at ritzy Hamilton College in upstate New York hilariously thought it would be a good idea to bring back the disgraceful legal doctrine of separate but equal for its minority students. In September, the leftist hothouse announced an event entitled “Real Talk: A Dialogue about Internalized Racism” that would be “open to people of color only.” (RELATED: Trustafarian Rich-Kid College Brings Back Separate-But-Equal Race Segregation)

Around Christmastime, a group dedicated to diversity at Indiana University thought it would be a good idea to put up a huge bulletin board just in time for the Christmas season asking: “Can Santa Claus be a black man?” The offensive but festive Foster Quad bulletin board theme featured stockings and a black Santa Claus clutching and blowing into a saxophone. Each stocking had a question attached to it. “If Santa Claus is a black man, wouldn’t all the presents be stolen?” asked one of the questions. “If Santa Claus is a black man, wouldn’t he only visit the ghetto?” asked another. (RELATED: Indiana University Put Up An Amazingly Racist Black Santa Bulletin Board ‘To Educate’)

In October, Saint Louis University banned Scott Brown from speaking at an on-campus event sponsored by the school’s College Republicans chapter. School officials claimed to fear that allowing the former Massachusetts senator to appear could trigger an IRS investigation and jeopardize SLU’s tax-exempt status. Strangely, the IRS didn’t seem to care about other politicians at SLU and at better schools in St. Louis. (RELATED: Insufferable St. Louis U. Bureaucrat Invents New Way To Screw Over Republican Students)

Homecoming at fancypants Amherst College is a scary affair for women to judge from residence hall coordinator Dominick Usher’s email warning students to be on the lookout for “unwanted sexual advances” by randy alumni returning to campus. Usher’s rationale for the missive seems to have been the belief that male Amherst alums aren’t able to have sexual relationships or, in fact, score with the ladies beyond the confines of the elite, private, $58,000-a-year school. “A lot of alums come back for Homecoming pretty jaded with the bar scene and blind dating of the real world and are eager to take advantage of what they now perceive to be an ‘easy’ hook-up scene back at Amherst,” the staffer counseled. (RELATED: Amherst College Warns Students That Alumni Are Probably Rapists)

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