Editor’s Note: This article is one of the top 10 most uncomfortable work situations of 2015. See the full list here.

Of all of the office rituals, blowing off steam with a few beers after hours is likely the most beloved for many people. But not parents of young children–when they are already sacrificing quality time by working long hours, missing bedtime is a big deal.

Psychologist Art Markman helps a reader figure out a tricky work/life balance question: Do you have to go to happy hour with your coworkers?

Hi, I hope you can help me figure out how to navigate this social situation in my office. I’m on the soft-spoken/introverted side, but everyone in my office is very social–they are of the work-hard/play-hard mentality. Very few of them have children, and they all like to go out for drinks after work at least twice a week. They often invite me (I think just out of politeness) but I always decline because I don’t feel comfortable, I’m not interested, and I have two young kids at home that I’d rather see for an hour before they go to bed than stand around awkwardly at a loud bar. Is this a bad move for my career? Any suggestions on how I can be social in a way that isn’t uncomfortable and not have to change my personality completely? –Heading Home

Art Markman is a professor of psychology and marketing at the University of Texas at Austin. His latest book, Smart Change, focuses on how you can use the science of motivation to change your behavior at work and home. Follow @abmarkman.

Dear Home:

It is nice that you work at a place where the people like each other enough to want to spend time together at the end of the day. There are plenty of workplaces where people don’t want to be around each other any longer than necessary.

That said, you raise an important issue. Part of the social glue that binds your work community together happens at these after-hours events. The shared experience creates inside jokes and group memories.

Your question, though, brings two aspects of workplace happiness into conflict. On the one hand, research suggest that people who feel like they have good friends at work are happier than those who don’t. On the other hand, research also suggests that your long-term happiness at work requires that you feel like you can express your authentic self at work. If you don’t like to go out for drinks with a crowd, then forcing yourself to go is not an authentic expression of who you are.