It’s as busy as Edinburgh during the festival all the time.

Why is the tap water disgusting?

I can’t find a Greggs’ anywhere; 12 Pret á Manger does not make up for it, pal.

I can assure you this actual money.

Just tell me if I need to speak slower, don’t wait until I’ve finished.

Why can’t the underground just be one big circle?

Your Zoo doesn’t even have giant pandas.

What do you mean McDonald's doesn't do Irn-Bru? How can you live like this?

Wow, the Edinburgh Dungeon is so much better. We have Cannibals.

OH! Another Scottish person! I’ll make Friends.

Please, be MORE English...

Yes, I voted in the referendum. No, I don’t want to talk about it.

Do the shops ever close?

Why is this taxi so expensive? Am I staying the night?

How do I find STV on my television?

Please stop telling me about the one time you went to Scotland. St. Andrews doesn’t count.

Ah Westminster, the home of the great oppressors.

Downing Street's nice, but its no Bute house.

No, I’m not Irish. I don’t sound remotely Irish.

Please stop attempting a Scottish accent at me. It's awful.

I don't have time to explain where in Scotland I’m from.

Stop talking about Andy Murray as if he’s yours. He never will be.