The Broadway Beat.

Philadelphia, PA - Following closing night of his one-man show Me Of A Hundred Names, local actor, playwright, and director Peter Washington celebrated with a cast party that can only be described as “very, very sad”, multiple sources have confirmed.





"The show was flawless, I feel like a million bucks, and I'm gonna keep this energy going!" he said at the start of what neighbors describe as a “truly depressing affair.”





"I put in so much work, now it's time to reward myself with a night of fun," said Washington, after awkwardly trying to chat up the pizza delivery driver in order to stall him from leaving.





The soiree, which included rewatching Parks & Recreation, which he’s seen front-to-back four times, and a strict cutoff time of 10:30pm, didn’t seem to upset his neighbors.





"Peter came by earlier and warned me that there might be a lot of noise coming from his party," said downstairs neighbor Ben Williams, "I haven't heard a peep, though. If he's really having a party, it's pretty fucking pathetic,” added the neighbor before rejoining the many friends he had over the same night.





Washington seemingly did not expect the party, which he referred to as “invite-only”, to be a solo shindig.





“Yeah, he invited me,” said Kate Gerti, who worked lights for the performance. “He also invited literally everyone in the audience, and on his walk home he invited a lot of people on the street. I think someone threatened to call the cops, so he cooled it,” added Gerti before returning home to her husband and three children.





The show's star was sure to open a celebratory bottle of champagne, which he would consume by himself over the course of the night, alongside two gin and tonics, a shot of whiskey, three Blue Moons from the case he had purchased in preparation for the night, and another shot of whiskey.





At press time, Washington was heard muttering to himself, "guess this is just what stardom gets you,” before turning on the lights and drafting a long Facebook status congratulating the cast, which will have its’ privacy settings tuned to “only me.”





by Jack Allen.