The Pirates vs. Ninja discussion goes back many years in the Geek community. It may not be a hardcore geek debate, but there has been plenty of discourse. The devoted Pirates have always had a long time rivalry with the equally devoted Ninja. Pirates hate Ninja, Ninja hate Pirates. This is not a clash that is without rhetorical bloodshed. Recently I was listening to a podcast at Hipsterplease.com and discovered there is even a Nerdcore Pirates vs. Ninja rivalry. That was enough evidence for me.

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Since it’s pretty evident to most that Ninja would easily defeat Pirates in a one on one battle to the severe and brutal but quick death, I decided to take the debate to a higher level. I’ll be considering other overall factors than just the ability to kill in battle. Oh, and Ninja is the correct plural form of Ninja, according to the Japanese – where Ninja originated.

History

The Ninja prominently emerged in the 15th century. They served mostly as mercenary agents of espionage and as spies. Side jobs included those of assassin and terrorist. General sabotage and misdirection during battle were also telltale signs that a Ninja was nearby. However, their history of origin is very murky. There are early signs of Ninja activity in the 5th and 6th centuries with the less than oft recorded assassination. Ninjas were mostly recruited from the ditch, that is – poor people. In those days, not much ink was wasted telling tales of the poor, hence, little actual or factual history.

However, this lack of data allows for the history of the Ninja to be appropriately shrouded in mystery. The secret assassin, appearing from the shadows and disappearing just as quickly – nary a wisp of air to know the Ninja was there. Yes, I’m aware that rhymes.

On the other sword, Pirates have a great and storied history with many fantastical tales and stories surrounding the scurvy raiders of the sea. If a pirate enters a room, you’ll know it. No mystery surrounding that stench.

Piracy has been going on for centuries. There are written accounts going back as far as 1350 BC in ancient Egypt describing ships with no flags attacking other ships and plundering their goods. The Romans and Greeks faced piracy as well. The Vikings were essentially Pirates, except much larger and with better armor. The Ming Dynasty was a very busy time for Chinese pirates, with much history and lore being written about them. However, the era you are probably most familiar with (and the era that most movies have been born out of) is referred to as the Golden Age of Pirates. This Golden Age ran from the late 1600’s to the mid 1700’s. We all can recount many events in history during this time that took place on the ocean, ships were sailing, and so was the Jolly Roger.

The line is still blurred though when it comes to myth and facts. Where we know Blackbeard and Barbarossa (the real one, not to be confused with Disney named mutation Barbossa) were real based on documents and what passed for photos back then (paintings,) we can’t be sure about other stories that have come from the time of Pirates. Was Yellowbeard real or just a wacky creation of Monty Python? Hard to say. Well, not really. Regardless, Pirates have a much more storied and colorful history than Ninja. Ninja history is shrouded in the darkness. This category goes to the Pirates. Pirate + 1

Training

Ninja training wasn’t easy. Ninja training was more than just physical training, it was psychophysical. They had to train their minds as well as their bodies, if not more. Using methods of concentration such as Zen-Buddhism, Ninja were experts in concentration and perception. The Ninja had to redefine logic and conventional thinking. Training was intense and put the Ninja into direct conflict orientated situations. There were no practice rounds. It was all training from day one. This was continuity, every day – training. Moderation was also a key point to the Ninja training, they were not allowed anything that would deter from their training, including sex & alcohol. That’s just the mental training.

The physical training was a different kind of intensity. The Ninja has to be in top physical form at all time, including a master of balance, stealth and all that flipping and jumping around. The Ninja had to be a master of stress and conditioning, as well as being able to stand still for long periods of time without doing anything to give away his position. Not to mention the level of respect and discipline involved between a Ninja and his master.

The Pirate training manual? I’m guessing looks something like this:

1. Show up. 2. Grab sword. 3. Drink, rape, pillage & plunder. 4. Pass out.

While there was a hierarchy and level of respect demanded by the Captain of a ship, there was no formal training to be a pirate. If you do a Google search for “Pirate Training” you’ll find a ton of games. Do a search for “Ninja Training” and you’ll find Ninja Training. Because it exists. Pirate training didn’t exist. Besides training their livers to consume copious amounts of rum. Ninja easily takes this category. Ninja + 1

Weaponry & Killing Style

Ninja were not short on weapons. Besides their hands and feet being deadly weapons, the Ninja had a virtual laundry list of other fun and sharp pointy things to choose from to kill someone with. From swords, foot & knuckle spikes, throwing stars, iron whips, smoke bombs, batons, Kamas, Sais, spikes, nunchucks and even utility belts. The Ninja was trained on the full and deadly usage of every single one of these weapons. Not to mention their stealthy and stain resistant Ninja garb. Usually black, but always loose and comfortable clothing that moved with the Ninja as stealth and camouflage was always a priority. The Ninja was always ready for battle and his senses were honed to handle any situation with the right weapon, even considering the mind as a weapon.

The Ninja killed with stealth and effective precision. If you were in a fight with a Ninja, in most cases you wouldn’t know it until you were tasting your own blood as it bubbled up from the gaping hole in your throat. Unless a Ninja was facing another Ninja or an army of Samurai, or Zombies, it was rare for the Ninja to engage in a bar room type brawl. The Ninja was a silent killer, a formidable enemy and that is why they were such effective killers.

If you were in a fight with a pirate, you’d know it. There’d be more than one of them, swords would be swinging around with reckless abandon and the smell of gunpowder would be in the air. The slight advantage that Pirates have over Ninja comes in the form of the flint lock powder rifle or pistol. When gunpowder was invented for all purpose use, like in guns, the Pirate’s ability to become effective killers multiplied tenfold. That went right back down when you took into account things like lack of training and sobriety. However, many pirates did train in swordplay and firing weapons, so they weren’t incompetent.

Not to mention pirates had the advantage of being on a moving ship, most kills came from cannon fire at the other ship and merciless killing after surrender. Pirates fought dirty, that fact is well known. There was no code of ethics when it came to engaging the enemy and killing them. You’d much rather die at the hands of a Ninja than at the grubby hands of a Pirate. However, as one of my friends mentioned, “Pirates, they have guns, and they’re on a boat, bitch.” This category goes to the Ninja as the Ninja was a more effective killer, and even if faced against a Pirate ship full of sailors, cannons and guns, one Ninja would kill them all while they slept. Ninja + 2

Pop Culture

How many Ninja movies have you watched lately? While there are plenty of Ninja movies that have been released over the years, such as Zombie vs. Ninja, the Samurai have gotten the red carpet treatment as far as mainstream movies. The Ninja have made their way into the mainstream consciousness though when it comes to games and toys, just as much as Pirates. As far as film though, the discussion ends with the recent Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy.

Pirates have shown up in musicals, not much to sing about Ninjas. In other media, certain Ninja have made for one of the best comics on the web, and Pirates have made for great subject material when it comes to the literary world. Not to mention Talk Like a Pirate Day.

When it comes down to it though, I have to go with the LEGO factor being the final word. Pirates have been a staple of the LEGO universe for years and being a geek, LEGO easily outweighs Snake Eyes as being high on the list of pop culture items in the geek universe. Pirates take this category. Pirate + 1

Conclusion

Well, final tally is Pirate + 2, Ninja + 3. Ninja is the clear winner. While this may come as no surprise to some, I was pretty sure I would be able to find a way to make the Pirate the winner. Frankly, as I came to the end here I could see that the Ninja was and is a much superior agent of chaos. While the Pirate focuses on the never ending search for treasure and wealth, the Ninja handles each mission as its own and then silently moves onto the next with nary a thought to anything beyond. Ninja have been rumored throughout history as having taken down rulers with espionage and spying, while Pirates have been known throughout history for wreaking havoc and terror on the seas. It was a close one folks, I can say that.

Clearly, a lot was left out (like Captain Morgan rum, Pirate Lexicon, wenches & Killer Coding Ninja Monkeys to name a few) to keep this post within blogging guidelines and out of the thesis category, so do me a favor and fill up the comments with whatever you think I missed or who you think should have won. Well, you can vote for that. Stay tuned for more Great Geek Debates!