It's taken me several days to figure out what I was going to say here. Big things happened. I learned a hard lesson this weekend. My mind was not my own...........I was really looking forward to this past weekend. I was eager, and very much so, for playing. Oliver had made a bunch of new purchases I was excited about seeing. Our toy basket is becoming very full. May need to go into a chest of some sort at this point. Maybe something even with a lock on it? Anyway....We had plans to go out late in the evening on Friday night so we had, instead, got an early start before going out. We usually play when we come back home.I was just wearing a robe as I had just gotten out of the shower. I was walking towards the bathroom to do my hair when Oliver stopped me. He faced me and put His big arms around me and held me. We stayed there for a few moments. He then turned me around and removed my robe. I loved the feeling of the soft robe leaving my shoulders and then the feel of His hands on my skin. He inspected my body as He always does.This time when I bent over He made me stay there longer than usual. He told me He was finally going to mark my ass. I felt something on my backside, but it was something smooth and not what I expected to feel. Then I heard Him take pictures.He stood me up and showed me what He did. With a black body crayon He wrote "Daddy's Fuck Toy". I was marked.Right now I can't tell you exactly what I was feeling at this point because of everything that happened after. I only remember some of the things that were done to me and a feeling of numbness.I was put down on my stomach over an ottoman. My ass and pussy bare to Him. I started feeling my ass being hit with several things. I remember the flogger and I think the crop. His hand, and then the feeling of what I thought was the ball. It was painful, but I kept going. At some point my fox tail was inserted into my ass. I was being spanked again with the same. His hand and what I thought was the ball. I remember Him saying to me that He wouldn't have to spank me so much if only my ass would stay red (aka Buns of Steel). As He pulled on the tail, He told me to hold it in. Fight back against the pull. I don't recall being so good at it. But again, my memory of the events are a little fuzzy.After He removed the tail, the hook was inserted into my ass and connected to my collar. At this point I was unable to move at all. If I moved my head a certain way, I could feel the hook in my ass. The spanking then continued....................and then the wand was added. Oliver edged me several times before I was allowed to cum. When I came, and I cameseveral times, I remember putting my head up a bit and feeling the hook in my ass. This also put pressure on my collar chocking me a bit.Here is where the lesson came in...I laid there "recovering". I heard Oliver tell me to get up and come to Him. When I turned I saw He was sitting with His pants undone. I crawled over to Him and literally, suddenly lost it. I began crying and couldn't go any further. My immediate feeling is that I needed to be cared for. To be held. As soon as I told Oliver that, He pulled me up, sat me down next to Him and held me.I do not know what happened. I did not know why I felt this way.Here is what happened over the next few hours and over the weekend. I was an emotional wreck. I was scared and insecure. Let me say I wasscared of Oliver. I was scared of Him leaving me and I was scared of where this would lead our dynamic. We both felt something changed. I asked what happened.You see I've not had good relationships with men. That's a whole other story. But Oliver feels that I'm sort of like an onion (Shrek reference). He feels He needs to break away layers of me in order to get theme. He feels that one of my layers had been broken away. That I released part of the past.During this session I will tell you that I did not want to call my safe word because I wanted to make sure that He was proud of me, that I could take all that was given to me. There were times that I almost used it. Also during this time Oliver didn't check on me as often as He should have.There lies the lesson. While Oliver does want to break away my layers, we should have known better than to continue like we did. I should have used my safe word, and He should have checked on me more often.The drop I felt over the next few days was horrible. Oliver and I spoke and He took care of me, but I was a real mess. All I could have done to avoid this was to use my safe word. Please please please use your safe word. Please never push yourself! Don't take it upon yourself to push. Leave that in the hands of your Owner! Lesson learned...............................PS-Btw.......it wasn't the ball that was used on my ass. It was the cane. AND my ass WAS finally marked, but not by the cane. It was His hand. Buns of Steel has lost.....................