This is simultaneously hilarious and depressing. Hilarious that Christians, who hold almost every seat in our government and who are the vast majority of our citizens can convince themselves that they are oppressed. Depressing that the thinking capacity of the children in the promo has been so warped by propaganda.

Never has a battle so vacant of any epic elements been set to such epic music.

I don’t even know where to start. The list of gripes is so detached from reality that this may as well be a documentary about fashioning chocolate bunnies into daggers to fight back five-legged invisible unicorns who are coming to steal our batteries. Why won’t America get on board with this cause???? Well, because the things you worry about aren’t real.

“Christianity is being completely frozen out of America.”

First line of the promo and already off to a bad start. There are churches everywhere that you can attend. You can walk up to people on the street like an asshole and tell them they’re destined for hellfire. Nobody can stop you. What you cannot do is have the government endorse your religion. This is the same statute that keeps the government from interfering with your religion (which is why you have the freedom to attend church, start a church, read the bible or the koran, etc.). Not having the government give its official nod to your faith is not the same as freezing it out, and only somebody entirely ignorant of how the law actually treats religion (or somebody who doesn’t care about making any sense) could think otherwise.

“Why can’t I pray in school?”

You can. Test it. The next test you have, bow your head and say a prayer before the test (don’t do it during the time when everybody is supposed to be quiet, because that’s when all noise is prohibited, not just prayer). I guess you’ve won and don’t need to go on with the rest of the documentary. Congratulations! I know exactly how a victory like that can feel. This very morning I fought for my right to eat corn flakes for breakfast. The government trembled before my determination and relented.

It definitely wasn’t because I already had the right for which I was fighting.

“Why do I have to check my religion at the door?”

You don’t. Congrats. This can actually be a form of special privilege in itself. While a student threatening to beat up another student after class will be punished, you can actually threaten a student with eternal, maximum pain after life and have nothing happen. Your threats get a free pass because they’re religious.

For extra irony kid, go watch later in the promo where some of your fellow brave Christian warriors reading lines off a cue card and fighting non-existent threats complain about bullying.

“Why can’t I write about god in my school papers?”

You can, so long as it’s germane to the topic at hand. If the paper you’re writing is on solar power and you write about how Jesus died for your sins, expect an F for not tackling the course material, not because you think Jesus is watching us shower.

“Why do I have to tolerate people cursing my god, but I’m not allowed to talk about god and my faith?”

You are allowed to talk about god and your faith. Go ahead and test it.

“Why are they taking god out of my history books?”

I’m unaware of any case where this happened, but even if it did, they’re probably taking god out of your history books for the same reason I take moldy bread out of my cupboard: it seemed like a good idea at the time, but now it’s obvious that it doesn’t belong there. God is simply not a part of our history. What religious people have done is a part of our history, but there’s no good evidence that a god has ever done anything.

So history books can say “The Catholic Church had a habit of burning scholars for contradicting the church’s dogma”, but they cannot say “God commanded the Catholic Church to burn scholars at the stake.” See the difference?

“Why do they teach every other theory in science except creation?”

Because creationism is not a scientific theory. The brightest lights in creationism have had multiple chances to prove otherwise, but their efforts have been lacking. At any point a creationist is permitted to submit their hypothesis to the process of peer review. This is the gauntlet through which all ideas must pass before they are accepted as scientific fact and inserted into our textbooks. Indeed, some creationists have done this, but it was determined that their work was founded upon (very, very, very) bad science. If creationism were a defensible theory that had survived peer review, you’d be learning about god’s existence just as sure as you learn about the existence of atoms. But creationism has failed to live up to the test.

There was even a trial in Dover, Pennsylvania over the issue. Many of creationism’s icons got subpoenaed to appear. However, faced with their chance to defend creationism, to defend all of the stuff they are so eager to tell layman like yourselves, most of them didn’t even show up. Michael Behe, the one who had the gumption to attend, got shredded and the court ruled that creationism is not science.

Don’t blame atheists for the absence of creationism in your curriculum. Blame the defenders of creationism for not stepping up to the plate like other scientists.

“Why am I called names because I believe in marriage the way god designed it?”

First, do you have any evidence that god designed marriage the way you say?

Second, beliefs aren’t sacred. Beliefs can actually be bigoted and callous. If you’d asked “Why am I called names because I believe in slavery the way god designed it?”, the answer would be that what you consider “calling names” is actually an accurate assessment of your position. Slavery is not fair and bad for society, so regardless of why you believe in it, you’re an asshole and a bigot.

Ditto with marriage equality. You’re free to believe that marriage is appropriately between one man and one woman – nobody’s insisting you marry a dude. But you want others to kowtow to your preference and then piss and moan about oppression when they don’t. And if you think equality should be restricted, even if you think god commanded it, then just like with racism you’re an asshole and a bigot.

There’s a reason we have sayings like “If the shoe fits….” If you don’t want to be called a plumber, stop fixing pipes. If you don’t want to be called a cop, stop wearing a badge. And if you don’t want to be called a bigot, stop advocating policies and laws that restrict the freedom of people who aren’t like you. Don’t just whine that you’re called a bigot, stop being a fucking bigot (and tell your parents to stop too). If you don’t want to be labeled as an agent of inequality, stop insisting our government canonize inequality in our laws.

Christ, this isn’t hard.

“In public school I’m called gay for wanting to save myself for marriage.”

Yeah, kids can be assholes. Just like the Christians calling the gay students a faggot. But kids being assholes doesn’t amount to freezing Christianity out of America.

“In public school people are rude and disrespectful toward Christians.”

Really? What people? Perhaps you could email Jessica Ahlquist for sympathy. She got death threats from her classmates for asking her school to obey the law (a judge ruled that her school was, in fact, breaking the law). She was so bullied (by Christians) she had to have a police escort at her school. What slings and arrows must Christians endure?

Do you mean other students are rude and disrespectful? So fucking what? If I were a student in your school I’d be entirely disrespectful of Christianity. You don’t have a right to be respected, and if you’re running around telling people they’ll burn forever if they don’t do what you say, you’re lucky to only get away with a “fuck you” for that kind of threat. The same right that guarantees you the right to say Jesus is grand guarantees other people the right to say you’re gullible as all hell if you believe someone rose from the dead. And Santa.

Free speech is actually at the very bedrock of America. It’s not freezing religion out to give people the freedom to verbally disrespect other people and ideas, it’s adherence to the country’s founding principles.

“Bullying is common.”

Yes, the majority gets so bullied.

You know who gets bullied in high school? Minorities. Gays, atheists, people who aren’t deemed “cool” enough. These are the demographics that have higher suicide rates in their teens due to bullying (much of which is perpetrated by Christians). And we can tell gays and atheists (and other minority demographics) have higher rates only by using groups like Christians as a basis for comparison. Who the hell is bullying the Christians? Other Christians? How does that work? Does the bully pound on you for believing in Jesus and then punch himself for the same crime?

If the assailant in this video were asked if Jesus were the son of god, and you had to bet your life savings on the answer, how would you bet? I’ll give you some hints: most Americans are Christian, and the hatred of homosexuals seems to be almost exclusive to the faithful. That should make your decision really fucking easy.

“People make fun of me because I don’t believe in abortion.”

It exists, I promise.

And even if I believed this girl, again, so fucking what? People making fun of you does not mean Christianity is being systematically removed from America. It just means people can be jerks. This just in: we all have to deal with assholes. Not all of us extend this into “I’m in the majority and over-represented in our government, but the government is still out to get me!”

I’m done with this video. Seriously, it’s a documentary about how the vast majority is oppressed. You might as well send a documentary to sub-Saharan Africa about how much it sucks to not have your favorite flavor of ice cream in the fridge.