Who else here thinks that Apple should do the earnings reports like the they do the product announcements.



(Intro video with Tim, Jony, and Phil talking about all of the "great new things to come," and Pharrell Williams walks in. The room goes quiet. "What song are you working on?" "I can't talk about that now. I have an NDA with Helen and Rocket, but not you guys." Everyone laughs...)

Hello everyone! I am so excited to tell you about this quarter's earnings.

(graph pops up, starts at $1.43/share)

Our EPS are up (shows $1.45/share as a huge bar), and so are our earnings compared to 1999!

(continues on...)

And to conclude, for those in the room, there are some samples of the money that we earned. Take no more than two of them! Enjoy!

(Operator cuts in...)

"And now for the question and answer session. Please keep your questions to one, and one follow up. We have Jim Cramer from CNBC on"

(Tim whispering)

"Oh boy..."