Did you know: Disney retained X-Wing Miniatures Game players as highly paid consultants on The Last Jedi? It’s true! The space battles you saw on the big screen were all developed on a private Vassal server called “BlueHarvest.” And to think mom said playing X-Wing could never get me anywhere in life.

Now I have managed to hack into that server and download the log files from those games. Behold, this never-before-seen development material…or don’t, if you haven’t seen the movie yet.

Warning: Last Jedi Spoilers below!!!!!

Spawning pilot: General Hux

38,972 point list ‘First Order Fleet’ loaded

Spawning pilot: Poe Dameron 2

41 point list ‘happy beeps’ loaded

* *** General Hux Rolls for Initiative: [Blank], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***

Failure to connect to player Poe Dameron 2…

* *** General Hux Rolls for Initiative: [Blank], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***

Failure to connect to player Poe Dameron 2…

* *** General Hux Rolls for Initiative: [Blank], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***

T-70 (Poe) performs move: Forward 4

T-70 (Poe) performs SLAM: Forward 4

* *** Poe Dameron Rolls to Attack: [Crit], [Crit], [Hit], [], [], [], [] ***

* *** Poe Dameron Rolls to Attack: [Crit], [Hit], [Hit], [], [], [], [] ***

* *** Poe Dameron Rolls to Attack: [Crit], [Hit], [Crit], [], [], [], [] ***

Spawning pilot: Omega Leader

Spawning pilot: Omega Squadron Pilot

Spawning pilot: Omega Squadron Pilot

Spawning pilot: Omega Squadron Pilot

Spawning pilot: Omega Squadron Pilot

Spawning pilot: Omega Squadron Pilot

Spawning pilot: Omega Squadron Pilot

Spawning pilot: Omega Squadron Pilot

Spawning pilot: Omega Squadron Pilot

Spawning pilot: Omega Squadron Pilot

* *** OSP 1 Rolls to Attack: [Hit], [Crit], [], [], [], [], [] ***

* *** Poe Dameron 2 Rolls to Defend: [Blank], [Blank], [], [], [], [], [] ***

* *** OSP 2 Rolls to Attack: [Hit], [Crit], [Hit], [], [], [], [] ***

* *** Poe Dameron 2 Rolls to Defend: [Evade], [Blank], [], [], [], [], [] ***

* Poe Dameron 2 flips up the critical card: Weapons Failure*

* *** BB-8 Rolls to Fix Crit: [Blank], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***

* *** BB-8 Rolls to Fix Crit: [Blank], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***

* *** BB-8 Rolls to Fix Crit: [Blank], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***

T-70 (Poe) performs move: Forward 2

* *** BB-8 Rolls to Fix Crit: [Crit], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***

* *** Poe Dameron 2 Rolls to Attack: [Crit], [Crit], [Crit], [Crit], [], [], [] ***

T-70 (Poe) performs move: Tallon Roll Left 3

* *** Poe Dameron 2 Rolls to Attack: [Crit], [Crit], [Crit], [Crit], [], [], [] ***

* *** OSP 2 Rolls to Defend: [Blank], [Blank], [Blank], [], [], [], [] ***

TIE/fo (OSP 2) dies

* *** Poe Dameron 2 Rolls to Attack: [Crit], [Crit], [Crit], [Crit], [], [], [] ***

* *** OSP 3 Rolls to Defend: [Blank], [Blank], [Blank], [], [], [], [] ***

TIE/fo (OSP 3) dies

Spawning pilot: Crimson Squadron Pilot

Spawning pilot: Crimson Squadron Pilot

Spawning pilot: Crimson Squadron Pilot

Spawning pilot: “Crimson Specialist”

Spawning pilot: “Crimson Leader”

Spawning pilot: Cobalt Squadron Pilot

Spawning pilot: Cobalt Squadron Pilot

Spawning pilot: “Cobalt Leader”

Spawning pilot: Blue Squadron Veteran

Spawning pilot: Blue Squadron Veteran

Spawning pilot: Blue Squadron Veteran

Spawning pilot: Tallie Lintra

Spawning pilot: Red Squadron Veteran

Spawning pilot: Red Squadron Veteran

B/SF-17 Bomber (CSP 1) launches Bomblet

B/SF-17 Bomber (CSP 1) performs move: Forward 2

* *** CSP 1 Rolls for Bomb: [Crit], [Crit] ***

* CSP 1 flips up the critical card: Direct Hit*

B/SF-17 Bomber (CSP 1) dies

* *** CSP 2 Rolls for Bomb: [Crit], [Crit] ***

B/SF-17 Bomber (CSP 2) dies

* *** CSP 3 Rolls for Bomb: [Crit], [Crit] ***

B/SF-17 Bomber (CSP 2) dies

* *** “Crimson Specialist” Rolls for Bomb: [Crit], [Blank] ***

* “Crimson Specialist” flips up the critical card: Munitions Failure*

* *** Paige Tico Rolls to Fix Crit: [Blank], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***

* *** Paige Tico Rolls to Fix Crit: [Blank], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***

* *** Paige Tico Rolls to Fix Crit: [Blank], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***

* *** Paige Tico Rolls to Fix Crit: [Hit], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***

B/SF-17 Bomber (“Crimson Specialist”) drops Cluster Mines

* *** Captain Canady Rolls for Bomb: [Hit], [Hit] ***

* *** Captain Canady Rolls for Bomb: [Hit], [Hit] ***

* *** Captain Canady Rolls for Bomb: [Hit], [Hit] ***

Mandator IV-class warship (Captain Canady) dies

Spawning pilot: Kylo Ren

Spawning pilot: Zeta Specialist

Spawning pilot: Zeta Specialist

98 point list ’emo boys’ loaded

TIE (Kylo Ren) performs move: Forward 5

TIE (Kylo Ren) barrel rolls: Left as Forward as Possible

TIE (Kylo Ren) barrel rolls: Left as Forward as Possible

TIE (Kylo Ren) barrel rolls: Left as Forward as Possible

TIE (Kylo Ren) barrel rolls: Left as Forward as Possible

TIE (Kylo Ren) barrel rolls: Left as Forward as Possible

TIE (Kylo Ren) fires Homing Missile

* *** Kylo Ren Rolls to Attack: [Hit], [Hit], [Crit], [Crit], [], [], [] ***

* *** Resistance Hangar Rolls to Defend: [], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***

Resistance Hangar dies

* *** Kylo Ren Rolls to Attack: [], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***

TIE/sf (ZS 1) fires Homing Missile

* *** TIE/sf (ZS 1) Rolls to Attack: [Hit], [Hit], [Crit], [Crit], [], [], [] ***

TIE/sf (ZS 2) fires Homing Missile

* *** TIE/sf (ZS 2) Rolls to Attack: [Hit], [Hit], [Crit], [Crit], [], [], [] ***

* *** MC85 Star Cruiser (Raddus) Rolls to Defend: [], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***

rianjohnson: flips Leia Organa crew facedown

rianjohnson: flips Leia Organa crew faceup