Posted by Disgruntled Genius close Author: Disgruntled Genius Name : Mayank Email: mayank.pfc@gmail.com Site: http://www.whatthefckisgoinon.in About: Disgruntled Genius believes in nothing and no-one except his mission - Crusade against stupidity . An Avid traveler, a stand up comic and a Govt employee - various myriads rolled into one; DG loves to talk straight. Legend says that he is the one who convinced that stupid monk (who sold his Ferrari) , to shun stupidity, buy a Bentley and live well. Over his 27 years of uneventful existence , he has observed people and their stupidities in many different ways. And hes here - to 'destroy' every piece of that stupidity - ranging from self styled Gurus to Roadies , from hypocrisy to Religion and from Rakhi Sawant to Rahul Mahajan. See Authors Posts (26) in Dirty 7 , Lateshttt!

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Valentines Day is coming up. Yep, that time of the year when horny couples get hornier and make out like anything in parks and in turn, get their asses kicked by the police or better- VHP/RSS type angels.

Frankly, V-day is pure crap & nothing more than a marketing gimmick. For the information of all you critics, I am not saying this because I am single nowadays. I have always believed so and now it’s my pleasure to outline seven better things you can do on V-day than blowing money on puke-inducing gifts and cards.

1. SLAP THE RETARDS

Slapping that irritating asshole is an orgasm-inducing feeling really. And V-day is a ‘goldmine’ when it comes to finding such types. You will find plenty of retards telling everyone that its the day of love so you should ‘celebrate’. Frankly douchebags, if one loves then everyday becomes a day of love. Else they are just fooling you. I love Katrina every day. I don’t wait for a specific day to tell her that. Do I? So, when you encounter such types, give them a tight slap. The slap should resonate in all directions and the sad, slapped face of that punk should give you an orgasmic happiness.

2. SEND A HANDMADE NON-CHEESY CARD TO YOUR VALENTINE

What can be better than to show your love through creativity? Show your valentine that you are her knight in creative armor. Make a really romantic card for her. But the keyword here is – NON-CHEESY. How about writing kick-ass lines such as:

‘I will love you till eternity or atleast till I see an elephant making wild love to Rakhi Sawant’

or..

‘I have loved you since the day I had a wet dream about you. And I promise to love you forever.. atleast till I see an elephant making sweet love to your sis’

or even better…

‘I love all parts of you, even those ones that make me think that you must be somehow related to an elephant.’

3. VISIT PARKS AND ENJOY THE LOVE-MAKING

Just two words – parks and couples. No, it is not the season of loving, rather it is the season of touching without being too scared about it. So you have all the eye feasting possible in the parks and other public places where uninhibited couples shall be doing what you watch on the Internet anyway. Go ahead and enjoy.

4. WATCH COMEDY CENTRAL

Comedy Central – the best channel on Earth (after Fashion TV, of course) – is finally in India! When you have Seinfeld, South Park, That 70s show, Two and A Half Men etc etc at your disposal, why would you want to go out and blow money on useless things. Sleep, Eat and watch CC. Enjoy.

5. GO TO OFFICE. WORK.

This year V-day is on a weekday. Good for those who are working. Don’t skip office at any cost. Be a hero. Do something different. Go to office and actually work instead of the usual wasting time on the internet. This will show your seniors how serious you are and will help you with that promotion. This would also be a good time to take advantage of the deserted workplace to put your feet up on the table and act like you run the place.

6. BREAK UP AND SAVE SOME MONEY

Break up just before V-day. Save money. Get hitched again when the shit is over. Perfect plan. Good for your savings. Thank me later. In cash.

7. WRITE A CAUSTIC BLOGPOST AGAINST VALENTINE’S DAY

Need I say more bitches?

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By the by, if any woman is interested in ‘celebrating’ the V-day with me in a non-douchebag way, just contact me. Disgruntled Genius is always ready for some social service. No, I am not a hypocrite, just an opportunist.

Cheers!

[Image Courtsey: Google baba, Wallbase.cc and thedelhiwala.blogspot.com]