Special thanks to Tim Maly for the title!

So. There’s a new “feminist meme” (yeah, I know, right?) going around that’s been grinding my gears recently. It consists simply of three words. “Not all men”.

The phrase is applied to images, such as a shark attacking a boat, or the Kool Aid man bursting through a wall in his trademark fashion. The latter of which, I admit, is pretty creative.

This meme mocks the typical response uttered by men whenever a woman makes an innocent sweeping generalization about the male gender.

“Whoa whoa whoa! Hold the fucking boat there, Captain!” you respond. “Aren’t feminists usually against that kind of shit?”

Well. They should be! That’s their job description, surely? The dictionary defines a feminist as “one who advocates for social, political, legal, and economic rights for women equal to those of men.”

If they want women to be equal to men, why are they suddenly throwing men under the bus?

If I were to say “all women value looks and wealth over personality”, I’d be called a misogynist within seconds. But why, oh why, do feminists support sweeping generalizations based on someone’s gender, as long as that gender is male?

Well, shitlord. You just don’t understand feminism.

A couple weeks ago, Please Listen to Me, a webcomic by heterosexual cisgendered white male Matt Lubchansky, released a strip entitled “Save Me”.

The comic follows “Not-All-Man”, a superhero whose power is to detect “reverse sexism” (of which there is no such thing. Sexism is sexism), and respond to a woman dropping a generalization towards men in casual conversation (honestly, it’s casual conversation. Who gives a fuck? Owait, feminists would if the genders were reversed) with a request to “play devils advocate”.

Not-All-Man even comes complete with a fedora, because apparently we haven’t put that tired old stereotype to bed yet. He unfortunately doesn’t feature the classic neckbeard, but a quick look on Mr. Lubchansky’s twitter profile explains why. He himself sports one!

Points for self-awareness, Matt.

Anyway, TIME magazine, who just earlier this week suffered controversy from the “social justice” community after failing to include black transgender actress Laverne Cox in their annual Most Influential People in the World list, published this article which gives a “Brief History of Every Dude’s Favorite Argument”.

Because apparently there aren’t any more important social issues going on this week. Absolutely none. None at all.

I’m going to skip most of this article because I don’t have anything to say on it, and this weeks episode of Monday Night Raw is particularly good. Oh look another checklist!

Sexism is a fake idea invented by feminists Sexism happens, but the effect of “reverse sexism” on men is as bad or worse Sexism happens, but the important part is that I personally am not sexist Sexism happens, and I benefit from that whether or not I personally am sexist Sexism happens, I benefit from it, I am unavoidably sexist sometimes because I was socialized that way, and if I want to be anti-sexist I have to be actively working against that socialization

Feminists like checklists because dum-dum males like me who enjoy dudebro entertainment like professional wrestling can understand them!

From this list, it becomes clear that not only do I benefit from sexism, but as a man, I’m inherently a misogynist pig due to the way I was raised (by a lesbian woman, no less!).

Since feminists believe that all men are “unavoidably sexist”, saying “not all men are like that” is denying that you are a misogynist.

They back this up by saying that since you benefit from sexism, you must be guilty of it.

This is a technique called Kafkatrapping. Model C to be specific.

Maybe they have a point though. Maybe I should “play devil’s advocate”. Let’s look at what I benefit from as someone who lives in a society where all men are unavoidably sexist.

· I am much more likely to be murdered than I would if I were a woman

· I am three times more likely to kill myself than a woman is

· I am ten times more likely to be killed in the workplace than a woman is

· I am more likely to be imprisoned than I would if I were a woman

· I will receive a longer prison sentence than a woman who committed the same crime would

· I am much more likely to become homeless than a woman is

· Although men and women commit domestic violence at an equal rate, if I am the victim of a DV situation, the police will assume I’m the perpetrator.

· If I then divorce my abuser, she will more than likely be given custody of my children.

· If I am raped and my rapist becomes pregnant, I will be liable to pay child support.

· Just kidding. Under UK law, men can’t be raped. It’s legally defined as “sexual assault”. If a 40 year old woman engages in intercourse with an 8 year old, it’s still “sexual assault”, while sex between a consenting 17 year old man and a consenting 15 year old woman is “rape”.

Some feminists can look at this list and declare it a “false equivalency”. Some can go so far to claim they are evidence for the oppression of women.

I don’t believe either gender is “oppressed”. We live in a society where gender roles are enforced on a cultural level, and they affect both men and women. But the days of “women = oppressed, men = oppressor” are long gone. It’s an arbitrary rhetoric that feminism are clings on to to stay relevant.

I’m ashamed at my fellow men for trivializing the problems of other men.

I’m disappointed in anyone who can scream “LOL MALE TEARS” at this post, when all around them, men are dying, committing suicide and refused emotional support due to a society that holds biases against both genders.

I’m shocked that these people can claim to be on the side of pro equality.

Luckily, though. Not all men are like that.