Continuing from his last post, Derrick Norton shares some fascinating insights into the development of the final part of The Enemy Within campaign, Empire in Flames.

The PCs eventually leave Altdorf, defeat the Liche and his Necrotorium, and obtain Ghal-maraz. EiF concludes with a great battle between the (now united) cults of Sigmar and Ulric on one side, and Chaos forces on the other. The level of ambition for the adventure is set out in the final paragraph:

The proposal reads as an early pitch, possibly in response to initial steers from GW. In the overview, the revelation that the Emperor is a mutant Chaos-god worshipper starts a civil war between the cults of Sigmar and Ulric. To bring peace, the PCs must rescue Sigmar’s hammer from the Necrotorium of an ancient Liche. However, the main part of the adventure takes place in the capital as described in these two extracts:

I returned the manuscript to Phil with annotations but I still have the other documents. I also have a copy of my letter to Phil dated 29 March 1989 and his response dated 31 / III / 89 (he used Roman numerals to indicate the month). Together, these papers show how EiF developed over time and provide an insight to the manuscript submitted to GW.

I can imagine reading the overview and two synopses first to get a feel for the material before starting on the manuscript. The chronological sequence is not immediately obvious but the following order fits the evidence: overview; brief synopsis; long synopsis; and manuscript.

The covering letter from Phil invited comments on the manuscript but omitted to name the writer. He had also included three other documents: a one-page overview; a three-page synopsis; and a four-page synopsis (hereafter called the “brief synopsis” and “long synopsis” respectively).

I received the draft manuscript for EiF before Easter in March 1989. I was no longer working for GW but still in contact with Phil Gallagher, potentially to do some freelance work.

Empire in Flames “overview”

After reading it, and with apologies to Edgar Allen Poe, “I know not how it was but, with the first glimpse of the manuscript, a sense of insufferable gloom pervaded my spirit.” It was obvious that the writer was Carl Sargent which, in my experience, meant the material would be wordy and overblown.

“The brief synopsis”

Intentions in this document build on the plot described in the overview. The brief synopsis is more detailed but still reflects work in progress, describing elements in the future tense as in this extract from the “Note on Plotline” section:

“So far as the political adventuring goes in Altdorf, this synopsis does not go into fine detail. This is because more ideas will occur to me on a regular basis as I review the possibilities here. At this stage, all major NPCs are fleshed out, plus the objectives and forces of Chaos cults, plus two central plotlines… but devious sub-plots are being hatched and added to all the time. I’ll take the pick of these closer to the time of writing.”

Consistent with the overview, the brief synopsis proposes a manuscript with considerable material on Altdorf: 38 pages on its “structure”; and an additional 34 pages on “dynamics”. The stated aim is to create a city:

“…very different to Middenheim [in which] the PCs are victims, sucked into the designs of others, double-crossed and suckered. All they can do in the political sphere is to stay alive and be very, very careful.”

These events result in an NPC trying to frame the PCs for at least one murder (which may or may not succeed depending on PCs’ interactions with other NPCs). The brief synopsis explains this as follows:

“This just might be enough to avoid getting framed for murder. Alas, the person who has been murdered has in fact already had their Cultist friend murdered (!) and they walk right into a stitch-up for that second murder, but they can escape – for a little time…”

The plot includes PC activity other than trying to avoid being framed for murder, including research which uncovers clues to a relic or object of power (ie Ghal-maraz):

“This major plotline is integrated into some short-term hassles and dangerous, even illegal, missions about town, which sustain tension at a high level throughout.”

Initial exploits over, the Emperor is revealed to be a mutant and this starts a war between the Sigmar and Ulric factions (that and the fact one of Ulric’s followers goes and kills the Grand Theogonist of Sigmar).

The brief synopsis includes other elements which do not appear in EiF as published. The following is an extract from the proposed 20-page “Greatskull” section (which builds on ideas introduced in the overview):

“This is a ‘dungeon-crawl’, but a highly unusual one; it’s usually the ‘monsters’ which fight, not the actual dungeon as well! [PCs will be] fighting past hostile tea samovars, animated armour and weapons and carpets, fending off stuffed parrots and an insane cuckoo clock and [a] monstrous Killer Bed and much, much more (in addition to Undead).”

In another example, and after using diplomacy to help avert a battle between the forces of Sigmar and Ulric, the PCs must:

“…approach those of the Old Faith and be allowed to use their most secret stone circles to teleport around the Empire and raise forces for the final great apocalyptic battle.”

Finally, the 16-page “End of Empire?” section paints a picture of the battle which will conclude the adventure and TEWC:

“The final, huge, super-hyper-apocalyptic battle against the Chaos armies; demons, skaven, Chaos warriors and Beastmen, everything but the kitchen sink. (NB: Do we actually have a Chaos Kitchen Sink? I can write it in.) The battle can last for days.”

Compared to the overview, the brief synopsis reads as a more detailed outline to inform and prompt discussion. Once I understood it had been superseded by the long synopsis there was no reason for me to review it but I did have views.

Overall, I was deeply unimpressed and I could see why the extracts above and other proposals didn’t make the cut. I was not enthused by the labyrinthine Altdorf plot; a dungeon-crawl fighting undead and possessed furniture was hardly novel; an army recruitment drive teleporting around the Empire using stone circles was waffy; and ending a WFRP adventure with a (WFB) battle was just wrong-headed.

Here is the complete document: