It’s nearing the end of the work day on October 31 and you, white person, still don’t have a costume ready for Halloween night. “Perhaps I’ll do blackface,” you say to yourself. Well, we’re here to show you how.


Like with any culturally insensitive or racist makeup look, first you’ll need a good primer. I recommend Nars or, better yet, this.


Now that your face is clean and primed, you should be amped and ready to go:

As a tone deaf racist, you’ve probably (loudly) observed that different races often have different facial features. That’s what contouring is for.

Using a brown eye pencil or highlighter (like the one pictured below), lightly sketch yourself new facial planes. Used curved lines and start on the outer rims of your face slowly moving in. Be sure to leave a strong line down the middle of your face to create a defined nose.



Now that that’s done, you can break out your black face paint and a makeup brush (I bought mine at Ricky’s.)


Draw three bold and slightly curved lines on your face — one on the left, one in the center running down your nose and one on the right. This will help to disperse the face paint for an even finish.


Spread the paint with an even hand. Your final look should appear something like this:


Seriously:


And that’s how you do blackface on Halloween! Now cancel your plans to instead stay home and read a book on racism in America.

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