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HOW INSPIRING! Record numbers of leading brands which rely on your continued custom to sustain huge profits have come out in force today, on International Women’s Day, to confirm they would have pretended to back women much sooner if they knew it could make them more money, WWN can reveal.

Name a big name brand here at home or abroad and its safe to say they’ve been hard at work for months now in conjunction with marketing agencies and online publications to brainstorm the perfectly pitched idea that celebrates women without giving you the feeling you’re being manipulated by a company that, when it really comes down to it, just wants your fucking money.

Of course on the other hand, that big company, which is trying to aggressively gain control of the spending power of the important 16-35 year old demographic probably just announced that new pink coloured product/multi-generational women from same family/’oh look women can do stuff too’ campaign which donates to a female focused charity out of the goodness of its heart.

It’s highly unlikely it has a female employee, whose claim of sexual harassment or lack of equal pay or opportunity has been expertly silenced by a complicit HR department. No, how could it? It has just put together a highly calculated marketing campaign celebrating women after all!

Yay brands! Yay women!

Oh wait, has that one brand tackled International Women’s Day in a really novel and interesting way? Wow, it’s so good you’re almost falling for it – someone’s bound to get a promotion for this.

Is now not the time to question a brand’s motivation? Brilliant, the brand will be delighted its plan is working! The last thing this brand needs is how its role in upholding business practices impoverishes women in developing nations highlighted, not on today of all days.

Just don’t forget to associate these brands positively with the fight for equality next time you’re spending money, or else this cynically focused-group marketing campaign and/or stunt has been a big waste of money.

Go ladies!