Learning to laugh is one of the most useful tricks to help keep your sanity!

A while ago, I put out a call for stories

This time around, it is 23-year-old Allira Hanczakowski’s turn. Her grandmother has Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia. Despite this misfortune, Allira’s words are enwrapped with such warmth, you can’t help but smile and imagine her grandmother is living her best life.

Question: What is your relation to the person with dementia?

Answer: She’s my grandmother.

Q: What form of dementia do they have? When and how did it start showing?

A: She has Alzheimer’s as well as vascular dementia. It started showing a year or so before her official diagnosis. I noticed it in the way she was driving, and she became more forgetful than usual. It started off with small things but then gradually turned into things like loosing sense of direction, becoming uncomfortable with crowds and noises, etc.

How was your first interaction with them upon realizing they were different from before? Were you scared, confused, shocked, sad,…?

There was no turning point, as it’s such a gradual process. I see her almost every single day and when you spend so much time with someone, it’s just like ripping a bandaid off. You notice it’s happening but it’s such a long, drawn out process. It definitely wasn’t a shock to me or anyone around us. We were caring for her at the time in a granny flat so we were all aware of what was happening and how fast she was deteriorating. There are definitely a lot of mixed emotions: from feeling extremely sad and angry that it’s happening, to feeling joyful and grateful for the happy times. I’ve had to learn how to turn this illness and experience into a positive experience for her, myself and everyone around us. By focusing on the little things, like the coffee dates, the singing, dancing, a smile and laughter – it makes the bad days worth the while.

How does the disease affect the way you interact with that person?

When I was growing up my grandma would always look after me while mum was at work. Now it’s my turn to look after her. It’s quite amazing if you look at it this way, the roles have been reversed. I’m the adult now and she’s the child. While she can’t do lots of things she used to (even like toilet, shower, eat by herself), she can still enjoy a good cup of coffee!

What would you tell people who just found out somebody they care about has dementia?

It’s okay to be angry, sad, annoyed, confused, in fact it’s expected! But make sure you take the time to look at the positive, childlike, playful side to the situation. It can be easy to stress over things that really don’t matter (like if their undies are on back to front or if there’s food everywhere, etc.). Learning to laugh is one of the most useful tricks to help keep your sanity! Talking about things in the distant past is a great way to connect, as well as music. Music is so powerful as it fills in the blanks where words are lost.

What is the funniest/scariest thing the other person has done?

Waaaay too many to list but I’ll mention a couple!

– She left the tap on and almost turned the house into a swimming pool!

– She often joins in other people’s conversations thinking it’s the one we’re having.

– She’s always dancing and being silly, acting like a kid in public.

Anything else?

I wouldn’t change this experience for anything. The fact that my grandma (who is one of my best friends) has dementia, has encouraged me to be patient, kind, caring and understanding. It has enabled me to form a different kind of bond with her. Everyday is a challenge, and everyday is different. One moment happy, the next anxious and sad. But it has taught me to go with the flow and to just be grateful for the tiny, little things we share, because those have turned out to be the most precious!

Don’t forget to share your thoughts below!

Join the mailing list to be updated on new posts!