His Apartment Reeks of Shit and He Fears the Worst

I'm a bi 40-something man and the only queer (that I know of) in my generation of my family. Not so among my nieces and nephews. And so I'm the old queer they ask questions. Which is fine! But now I have a question and no one to ask. It has to do with my niece, a trans woman, and her partner. I live with them and work late nights. Well, often when I get home the place reeks of anal sex. I'm not talking about the normal prepared post-ass-sex smell or a whiff of santorum. I wouldn't bat a nose at those. No, this stench is of the didn't-clean-out-and-fucked-anyway-so-welcome-to-the-reek-of-shit everywhere variety. If this was a once a month thing I wouldn't care but it is near daily event and my place smells constantly of shit. I really don't want to be that old queer who tells the kids their "doing it wrong." However I don't want my nose assaulted by this stench nearly daily. Sponsored Protectly.co has USA Made N95 masks in stock! Plus NIOSH respirators, surgical masks, gloves, goggles, 3M half-face respirators and more. www.protectly.co We live in Alabama, where all the young Christians are busy being "virginal" except for their asses. So yeah, I blame abstinence education and Christian Stockholm Syndrome. I need to say something but I'm having a hard time just trying to figure out how to even start that conversation. But my nose can't take this for much longer. Seeking To Educate Niece Cuz House Entirely Stinks

A famous quote came to mind while I was reading your letter...

"Once a philosopher, twice a pervert."

French philosopher Voltaire is supposed to have said that in reference to orgies. Invited to what presumably would've been his second orgy, or so the possibly apocryphal story goes, Voltaire issued what modern philosophers might call a "hard pass." Because while attending one orgy could be filed under "wide-ranging curiosity about the human condition," attending more than one orgy meant you were the kind of pervert who likes going to orgies. I've heard this quote used to in reference to everything from gay sex to Burning Man to CPAC.

Anyway, STENCH, that thing Voltaire may or may not have said about orgies came to mind while I was reading your letter and quickly mutated into this...

"Once in a while? Shit happens. Every single time? You're a pervert."

While it's possible your niece and her boyfriend aren't prepping or douching before anal out of ignorance—and douching isn't necessary in all cases; many folks know when they're good to go back there—both the frequency with which you encounter the stench of shit filling your apartment (on near daily basis!) and the intensity of the stench left me wondering whether shit isn't a feature for your niece and her partner, STENCH, not a bug. Some people are into shit—coprophilia is a thing—and while "shit play" is unpleasant for even most GGG and kink-positive people to contemplate, so long as people into shit are getting their shit kink on with other consenting adults... yeah... they shouldn't be judged or shamed by shit muggles.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't speak up. It's your apartment and even if your niece and her boyfriend are—worst-case scenario—into shit, STENCH, you shouldn't have to hold your breath when you come home. And, hey, it's possible they're doing it wrong out of ignorance—they don't teach anal pleasure, health, and hygiene in the so-called "comprehensive" sex ed programs we have in blue states—and a word from you, the older, wiser queer in their lives, could spare them years of bad, messy, smelly sex. If you find it difficult to talk about this at length, STENCH, you could briefly mention the smell and then send your niece a link (send two) and/or a book (send two). They might be embarrassed to receive those links and/or books, it's true, but at this point your discomfort outweighs their embarrassment.

And there may be other possible explanations—IBS?—but whatever is going on, you have a right to speak up. If they're doing it wrong, they can learn to do it right. If they're into shit, they can pretend they were doing it wrong and put shit play on hold until they've got their own place.

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