ALLENTOWN, PA—Purporting to read right through the grandstanding handbill, sources confirmed Friday that there could be absolutely no way Muhlenberg College’s Japan Society could fulfill the lofty promises made by their poster on the Trexler Memorial Library’s bulletin board. “Do these bullshitters really expect me to believe they offer not only omamori amulet-crafting, but also hanami cherry blossom viewing excursions and origami-folding circles?” student Max Schreiner said of the 8.5-by-11-inch photocopy before him, which he insisted “talks a big game” about mochi-making seminars, Hiragana script training, and pop-up pachinko parlors in the student union, but is almost certainly “writing checks its ass can’t cash.” “Oh, look at this: ‘Off-campus excursions include group trips to the local zen meditation center, the Asian Foods Market, and Yumi Kurosawa’s spring concert at the Kimmel Center in Philadelphia?’ Oh, okay then. ‘Collaboratively translate Final Fantasy IV’ my ass.” At press time, a dumbfounded Schreiner insisted there was “no chance in hell” anyone in the club is organizing an actual trip to Japan after coming across Facebook pictures of the club posing next to a Japan Airlines 787.

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