WASHINGTON—Along with a host of other nonessential federal services that were indefinitely shuttered following the government’s Monday night shutdown, the National Zoo’s beloved panda suicide cam went dark Tuesday morning, zoo officials confirmed. “You mean that newborn baby panda might kill herself and I won’t be able to see it live?” said Maryland resident Angela Krest, 39, echoing the sentiment of many Americans who were disappointed to see the temporary interruption of the zoo’s 24-hour live feed monitoring the pandas’ attempts at self-inflicted death. “I was really looking forward to seeing how she’s going to do it. Will she climb up as far as she can on a bamboo shoot and then try to leap to her death? Will she just try to knock her head on a rock over and over? Frankly, I don’t see why I have to be punished and miss seeing a panda take its own life just because of some partisan bickering.” At press time, the National Zoo issued a statement reassuring Americans they would do “everything in [their] power” to delay the suicide of any panda until such time as the suicide cam was back online.

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