All bums are equal, but some are more equal than others. Help us choose which ones.

William studying Maths at St. John’s



Voraciously curious about masonry, William often walks amidst the parapets of Cambridge thinking about cement and how best to build a better world.

Liz studying History at Queens’

Opening popular debate to new perceptual frameworks, Liz is fascinated by the interplay between the metropole and the psyche, and believes our hectic modernism distracts from humanity’s pastoral nature.

George studying Medicine at Darwin

Tenaciously dedicated to breaking down the narrow discursive paradigms of the post-ideological global megastructure, George reads Gramsci and wants to be an investment banker.

Anne studying English at Clare

Ever the minimalist, Anne believes the values of the festive season have been lost amid lavishness and materialism and calls for the holiday to be stripped down to its fundamentals in the hope of resurrecting its true meaning.

Harry studying Engineering at Emmanuel

Compelled to order a seemingly chaotic world, Harry worries the symmetry for which he is perpetually searching will always elude him.

Kate studying Natural Science at Trinity

Ostensibly exploring the powerful dynamic between knowledge and aesthetics in the realms of human attraction, Kate is eager to see whether the viewer’s eye will be drawn to the volumes lining the shelves or the image’s phallic centrepiece.

Philip studying Music at King’s

Rather than adhere to tradition, Philip openly challenges Da Vinci’s conception of the perfect form and portrays the image of man in a far more lapsarian manner by way of explaining the current, troubled, global situation.

Beatrice studying Theology at Robinson

Beatrice believes wealth is not only restrictive but isolating and questions the true value of pecunary success over emotional integrity.

Andrew studying Anglo Saxon, Norse and Celtic at Corpus Christi

Yielding to the needs of the 21st Century, Andrew is an ardent believer in electability and thinks the left ought to look to the centre rather than dogmatically adhere to principle.

Charlotte studying French at Magdelene

Notwithstanding the hope of its gradual decline, Charlotte believes the male gaze to be a malevolent social construct that can only be overcome through radical direct action.