My husband of three years is 27; I’m 34. Two months into our relationship, he stopped seeking sex from me, though we both find each other very attractive and love each other.

We hug and kiss, but there’s zero passion from him. I’ve talked to him, bought (sex) toys, educational videos, lingerie and done online research. He’s always saying he’ll do what we’ve agreed.

I explain that I need sex and can’t always initiate as it’s affecting me emotionally.

He’s not having an affair, nor is he homosexual.

Our sex is crap when it finally occurs — twice in three months if I’m lucky! He fumbles in bed, though I’ve shown and said what I want.

He only had two girlfriends before me. I don’t know what else to do! We also want to start a family soon!

Deep down, it feels like it’s my fault — am I not pretty or young enough?

Don’t start a family with this man from whom you’re very likely to end up divorced, or miserable together, neither of which are great beginnings for children’s lives.

He’s a crappy partner, not just in bed. He’s in denial about something — whether it’s his sexuality, past abuse, childhood trauma or a medical obstacle to healthy sexual responses.

Insist he see a doctor, an individual therapist, and if you two are to work at this together, a sex therapist, too.

If nothing changes, save yourself. The damage to your self-esteem and security will only worsen, as you get older.

Boosting your emotional well being, and hopefully his, too, is the priority.

For two years, we’ve suffered daily sounds of our neighbours and their kids running up and down the stairs in their adjoining townhome, slamming doors, playing ball, etc. It’s loud!

They make our walls shake, mirrors/artwork/stove move daily. I had to go next door one evening as my husband was trying to sleep but the banging noise continued for several hours.

The mother answered the door, and I saw some four children bouncing balls against the shared wall. She immediately apologized — “It’s driving me crazy too!” Thirty minutes later, the noise stopped.

Several months later, we wrote a letter, about the noises, asking them to call or come over for a coffee to discuss it. Nothing. They stopped looking at us when we passed by.

They also have a basketball net alongside of our driveway. I’ve seen their son, 8, hit cars with the basketball and he once hit my car as I was sitting in it.

Sometimes their hockey net or bicycles block our driveway’s access.

I’ve resorted to banging on the walls. They bang back and continue their noisy lifestyle indoors, though there are several parks nearby.

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I’ve received no direction from bylaw officers, or the condo corporation.

We’re renting in the hopes to buy next year, but do I need to move beforehand?

The simplest answer may be: Yes, move, it’ll return your sanity.

You could explore the bylaw or condo-rules routes more thoroughly with a lawyer’s help. But you’ll likely have an even more unpleasant chill between you and these neighbours. If you can handle that, it’s the only way to stay.

The mother seems overwhelmed by her own youngsters and their energies. She may be depressed or just a hands-off, casual mom who believes play is more important than respect for others and property boundaries.

You’re not likely to change them. Move, if possible. Less stress and more sleep are worth the effort.

Tip of the Day

If sexual disinterest creates emotional distress, get proactive to find out why.

Sexless

Noisy Neighbours