President Donald Trump has been frantically deleting his internet browsing history after passage of legislation allowing Internet Service Providers to sell their customers’ personal data.

An inside source told Stubhill that Trump could first be heard struggling to compress the delete key with his tiny, tiny fingers before bursting out of the Oval Office.

“Shit guys, I tried to Google Putin’s phone number,” Trump reportedly screamed at his staff.

The source disclosed that the entire federal workforce was directed to work overnight deleting bookmarked porn across several devices.

When asked what type of pornography was bookmarked, the source quickly became detached and began to silently stare off into middle distance.

At press time, the abyss was staring back.

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