“Dear Meredith,

I’m 39 and have been single for something like four years now. Dating used to be a fairly exciting, positive, and rewarding experience. However, as years progress and I’m creeping closer to 40, I get fewer requests for dates and am less in demand. Nothing about my situation has changed drastically; I work in academia, I hear I’m attractive, I believe I’m kind, thoughtful, etc. Even so, the people I find interesting and would want to pursue seemingly are no longer looking for me; they either want to meet someone who’ll be in a position to start a family on a very specific timeline, or have already done that and are looking for casual encounters (nothing serious!).

I’m indifferent about producing children, which used to work in my favor with men. That’s no longer true. I’m beyond tired of short-term and casual relationships. That was fun before, but now just feels like killing time. For context, I *have* dated single dads, the recently divorced, and ethically non-monogamous men in an effort to give myself more options. I’m convinced I find myself in an invisible population of women. Who’s looking to date me? I really have no idea. Maybe you or your readers can offer some suggestions. Perhaps this is how women turn to cradle robbing or find themselves paired off with senior citizens. How much do you have to “expand your options” before you run the risk of settling? Is it time to embrace cynical spinsterhood?”