Nerds have strangled people to death with their thighs. To date, there are no regulations on nerd thighs.



Petition for the Supreme Court of the US to regulate nerd thighs.



I started this petition because…

A Nerd Strangled Me, Dumped Me in the Woods, and Ruined My Life

So I was drinking at a gay bar and I sat down with a sexy nerd. He had black horn rimmed glasses, suspenders, and he looked like he came from the local chess club. He had a book with him. I asked him what he was reading and he said he was reading some book about Python. I got up to go to the bathroom and that's when I left my drink alone. I came back and finished my drink. Next thing I know I'm in a dim room on a bed. There are action figures on a bookshelf across the room. The rest of the bookshelf is filled with science, math, and computer books. To the left of the room is a big desk with two computers. A Windows laptop and an iMac.



There's another bookshelf to the right of the room and it's filled with binders and journals. I heard the door open and I looked up, hyperventilating. The nerd was butt naked and ready to have his way with me. He forced me on my stomach and handcuffed my hands behind my back. Then he flipped me over again, and shoved his dick in my mouth.



"I will strangle you," he said. "Don't say a single word or I'll shove this back in your mouth."



He took his dick out of my mouth. Then he sat me on my knees on the ground and bent my neck forward. He wrapped his creamy, white, hairless thighs around my neck and strangled me. I felt his balls on the back of my neck as he strangled me and his dick was laying on my head. I was really turned on.



I awoke the next morning in the woods. I was like, "Holy shit that nerd dumped me here thinking I died!" I couldn't have been that far in the woods because I heard the highway. I tried to get up but I couldn't move my legs. I literally couldn't move my legs at all. I didn't even try to move my back or neck because I know what can happen if you try that: you can injure your spine further. I began screaming. I doubt anyone would hear me. I kept yelling and screaming for help. I didn't even have my cell phone on me. A dog ran up to me. He looked like a mix of a golden retriever and possibly a husky. It was cute. I heard the owner calling the dog's name and he found me laying there. He told me his dog had run off and found me. The guy didn't even hear me yelling. I told him I think I became paralyzed because I couldn't feel or move my legs.



He called an ambulance and they put something around my neck, and put me in a gurney. I rode to the hospital. They said I have paraplegia and it's permanent. I have full function of my torso and arms, but I don't have function of anything below my waist. Fuck.



I stayed overnight at the hospital. I just had to share this story. I'm now a wheelchair user and probably will have to go to a nursing home. Fantastic.



