Women's rights activists in Britain and the US have accused Facebook of promoting rape and "rape culture" after the social networking site refused to take down pages on which users made jokes and apparent confessions about sexual assault.

Petitions urging the site to remove pages such as "You know she's playing hard to get when your [sic] chasing her down an alley" have been signed by more than 3,600 people in the UK and 175,000 people on the US website Change.org.

They say the material found on the pages is a clear violation of Facebook's terms and conditions, which bar hateful or threatening content. "This is hate speech," said Jane Osmond, who has campaigned on behalf of the UK petition. "I find it very disturbing that Facebook don't appear to see the connection between pages such as this and the prevailing rape culture we have in our society."

Facebook has refused to take the offending pages down, insisting they are intended to be "a place where people can openly discuss issues and express their views".

"Direct statements of hate against particular communities violate our statement of rights and responsibilities and are removed when reported to us," Facebook said. "However, groups that express an opinion on a state, institution, or set of beliefs – even if that opinion is outrageous or offensive to some – do not by themselves violate our policies."

The refusal to act has incurred the wrath of campaigners on both sides of the Atlantic. A statement from Facebook likening the content to a rude joke that "won't get you thrown out of your local pub" did nothing to calm tensions.

In England and Wales, hate speech legislation has been balanced to avoid curbing freedom of speech: while much of the content on the internet may be offensive, it is not illegal unless it stirs up hatred on the grounds of race, religion or sexual orientation. Content that threatens or harasses people because they are disabled or transgender is also against the law.

Osmond, a contributor to Women's Views on News, said she understood that the internet was a place where people could post offensive material. But she said: "Maybe as a society we need to progress the dialogue about what is freedom of speech and what responsibilities do we have to certain groups of people. It almost has to reach a critical mass before there's a change. So, for instance, you cannot make racist comments now. I want to see the same thing about rape."

One of the less graphic comments posted said: "This page is a joke, if you can't see the humerous [sic] side (one of my best friends {a girl} has been victim to it and can laugh at this) then don't join the group, as if any of these people have actually raped someone. Why so serious dude it's ... Facebook ... Get a life."

Facebook pointed out that it is far from being the only host of so-called rape jokes, with similar content found elsewhere on the internet and on the comedy circuit. Jimmy Carr, Russell Brand and stand-up comic Reginald D Hunter have included rape or sexual assault in their repertoire in recent years. Some female comics, such as Sarah Silverman and Wanda Sykes, have also broached the subject.

But many remain steadfast in their belief that rape – whether in a sophisticated comedy routine or on a misspelled internet forum – is never a laughing matter. Jo Brand has spoken out against a new form of misogyny in comedy, while those dealing with the effects of rape in the real world are adamant about the malignant effect that such comments can have.

"I can't find the punchline in 'I love raping bitches out in the cool night air, don't complain sluts or your (sic) next,' " said Fiona Elvines from Rape Crisis South London.

"Of course, it's your right to joke but I would question why anyone would want to joke about something that is so hurtful to so many people. If it's a joke that's supposed to be funny and instead of people laughing, people are being hurt, why would you continue saying it? What are you trying to prove? Or, perhaps more importantly, whose rights are we protecting?"

Elvines added that over recent years there had been a rise in vitriol directed at those talking about the reality of rape. "Messageboards and pages such as [the ones on Facebook] are covered with men calling survivors of rape vengeful liars and painting a picture where the truth is hidden," she said.