ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A brain-dead city worker who arrived late to his office pizza lunch told reporters this afternoon that he was forced to choose between the vegetarian option or the sickly gluten-free one.

Dale Peckham, who does things with a computer in an open-plan French Quarter co-working space in return for money to pay bills with, said he thought his day couldn’t get any worse.

But he was wrong.

“I’m having a bad day,” he told The Advocate as he sat at his desk.

“The meatlovers, supreme and Hawaiian were all bingo. The special pizza for the glass colon people was untouched and so was the vegetarian. All because I had a meeting, which could’ve really been a phone call, run late,”

“But yeah. I ate six pieces of each pizza. Because fuck it.”

Peckham then sighed, got up and folded his Macbook backwards over his knee until in broken in two.

With most of his office now watching him, Dale dunked the mangled bit of overpriced aluminium shit into his waste paper bin and walked out.

More to come.

