NICE, FRANCE—In the wake of the Bastille Day terrorist attack in Nice, France that killed 84 people and injured over 200 more, humankind told reporters Friday it was hoping it would only have to put up with a few more millennia of this shit. “Right now, it feels like so many innocent people are dying in senseless violence around the world every single day, but I remain hopeful that we’ll be able to finally move past this shit in the next five or six thousand years,” said Norfolk, VA resident Bethany Millner, one of the world’s 7.4 billion individuals who expressed optimism that the ongoing cycle of appalling tragedies impacting virtually every country on earth would steadily taper off and eventually cease completely in the next several dozen centuries or so. “Everyone’s so sick and tired of dealing with this fucking horror all the time, but I genuinely believe that we could all live peacefully together by maybe the year 8000 or 8500. Maybe that’s too optimistic, but I think if we just work at it for a few hundred generations, we can do it.” Humanity later added that, if it was truly being honest with itself, given its history, ending such horrific acts once and for all might actually take a geological eon or two.

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