Hey dummy, your friendly neighborhood comedy stool here. Yeah, the one your ass sits on when you’re doing your hack ass driving bit. Road rage, real original fuck biscuit. If I had eyes, I’d roll them every time I heard it. But I don’t. I’m mostly wooden legs.

Anyway, I over heard some old has been complaining he’s no longer getting booked at any of the local clubs anymore, followed by a new comer asking around how to do the regular and prestigious booked shows I’m always on. Well, other than being born gifted enough to be the club sitting furniture as I so successfully have, there are actually a few ways to get booked regularly at your club. And get this: It all fucking makes sense! I know that’s hard to grasp. Because a lot of you swear that these clubs are impossible to get into if you’re not just “one of the boys,” or jumped into some comedy gang, or sucking some dick. Guess what! The dick sucking is optional (for men)

Here are three things you can do to increase your uh…bookability? Bookingness. The amount you are being booked.



1.Be Funny.

2. Work Hard.

3. Be Useful.

Simple, right? Seems obvious? Well then why the fuck aren’t you doing it? If you feel like you’re not being booked quite as much as you’d like to be, it means you’re likely only focusing on one aspect of the three. Instead of working on ALL THREE. I’m sure you’ve been in a situation where you see someone who keeps getting booked again and again and you’re like “WTF! WHY NOT ME!?” Well, you entitled ego maniac; the people who are booked often are people who are dipping their dicks in all three categories. But what do I mean? Let’s break it down:

1. Be Funny.

This is the category that everyone thinks they have on lockdown. I’m sure as you read it you were like “Uh Check!” Guess what fuck cheese: If no ones booking you, you’re probably not as funny as you think you are. In fact, nobody is as funny as they think they are. Get funnier! Go out to some open mics, try some new bits, fix the old ones, add some extra tags to your usual stuff. Record your sets, listen to your sets and make the necessary changes to make these sheep audiences “Baa” at you.

“But Mr.Stool, I swear I’m funny and still no one seems to book me!” Alright, I believe you, sorta.

Have bookers seen you do well? Seriously. Make an effort to do well in front of them. Kill it consecutively and show consistency. Show that you can do well under pressure and in a lot of situations.



“But Mr.Stool, I swear I’m funny and bookers have seen me do well and they still don’t book me!”

Being funny is often not enough. There’s a lot of funny comics (and even more unfunny ones) the point is you have to stand out from your competition. I know quite a few funny comics who don’t get booked too often because they lack work ethic, they’re not willing to do more than just be funny. So you’re funny…and?





2. Work Hard.

Another obvious one, right? Fuck you. If you were funny and working hard you’d already be getting booked you piece of fucking garbage. Work hard, like hard, like as hard as the sweet mahogany wood I was created from. Work on your craft every day or as close to as possible. I see so many people calling themselves “Comedians” on Facebook and they haven’t set foot on my stage in months. Don’t be that person. You should be getting up 7 times a week minimum. I’m not kidding. 7 fucking times a week. That’s once a day. For the true grinders that’s nothing, but I’m a forgiving king. The important thing (other than actually working on your craft) is other people seeing you work on your craft. People tend to gravitate to those who are taking it seriously. There’s a respect here that is only earned through the grind. Sometimes that’s all you need to be booked. Furthermore, face time at the venues is sometimes just as important as being funny. If a booker has a slot open to book someone, it is much more likely they will choose the person who they recently saw and respect than some funny guy who never sets foot in the club.

“But Mr.Stool, I swear I’m funny and I grind every day and still don’t get booked!”



Sorry you had to find out this way, but you’re probably not funny. See above on how to improve. OR; lucky for you. Theres a third category you can work on to get booked.







3. Be Useful.

Here is where the herd thins. Be useful. As in stop just being a useless nagging urine stain, who thinks his art needs to be shared with the world. Fucking help. Pass out some tickets to the show, help promote, Offer to bring people to the next show, help do sound for the night, do some favors, give the booker some spots and I’m sure he’ll return the favor (wink wink.) Humans love trade! Exchange some kind of service for a shot at the stage. Be useful. It’s not a hard concept. Ask the bookers if you can help in anyway and they will very likely have something in mind that they need.

“But Mr.Stool I swear I’m funny and I grind, and I’m very useful and still no one books me!”





Oh. Everyone hates you.





4. (Super Secret) Don’t be afraid to ask.





It’s ok to ask if you can be on a show. Just contact the booker and ask if you can do a spot sometime. Sometimes bookers get so distracted and caught in a loop that it’s hard to think of new faces. So by asking it may trigger the “oh yeah, why haven’t I given this person a shot?” Then the booker will fill you in on a date to a show or Link you directly to this blog, and now you have to decide which category you are failing on.

That’s about it for now. Thanks for reading, I hope you all die!