There comes a point in every man or woman’s life where they really want their partner to finish in bed. It’s late, we’re tired, our legs hurt, our hands are sweaty, we don’t want to go on much longer – but, we’re not selfish enough to leave you in the pain and agony of blue balls and hear you whine the entire night while we try to sleep. Aren’t we so kind? Sometimes, we’ve been out drinking and a guy has whiskey d*ck and takes way too long to cum. Other times, he jerked off before you decided you were in the mood and still, is taking way too long to cum. While long sex can be passionate and romantic sometimes, other times, we just want to be finished. We asked 19 guys what women/men can say to them to make them finish faster and the answers are game changers (I’m taking a few of these home with me into my own bedroom).

Let me start by saying this a fair premise. Whiskey dick is certainly a real-life thing. Feels like you could do it forever and you dont want to. You are absolutely exhausted, so you just wanna stop. Happens to everybody. I think. If not, then I was kidding.

Some of these responses from these dudes are laugh out loud funny.

Andrew. Anywhere? Susan grabs ahold of your penis and gives it the licking and succin of a lifetime and then takes a nibble on your foreskin and you’re like, “oh hell yeah. Bite that dick skin, you sexy thang. Rip it around like a puppy with a toy.” Say exactly what you want, Andrew. This isnt an AOL chatroom where you can pretend to be a lesbian with other prepubescent boys. It’s real life. Biting can hurt!

Sam.. Sam. SAM! Isn’t that always part of it? We doing tops-on sex a lot, Sam? I hope not. I hope that your wild sex romps don’t include tops on. I like the sentiment, though. Tits!

The fuck? You ever been with a girl before Jason? “I sit next to them in my home economics class all the time.” Next thing you know, Jason has cummed a river. Kinda gross.

The question was how to get you to cum faster. No one has time to go to the kitchen and get the egg whites into a large, tall bowl and set their mixer to medium-high speed. NOTE: I would not hand beat meringues (too much work). Beating or whisking causes the protein in the egg whites to unfold, forming films that trap the air bubbles, and the sugar stiffens the foam. As the mixing time increases, the bubbles become smaller and more numerous; this increases the volume and makes a more-stable structure which creates a delicious and more formed meringue. You want to cum fast. No one has time for meringues in the bedroom on normal nights, Steven. Birthdays and whathaveyou are different.

In reality, cumming is easy. Just have your partner tell you to smash that button and you’ll release and fall asleep in a matter of minutes.

h/t Sweets