The sexual revolution, female empowerment and the decrease in social stigma all play their part, but could it also be that some of us are realising that motherhood isn’t all it’s cracked up to be? Three women share their stories with Sunday Life. Journalist and author Alicia Young. “I have a rich life” Although Alicia Young, a 51-year-old journalist and author, had no interest in having children, she felt moved to help two friends start families of their own. “I’m one of nine kids in a Catholic family, with dozens of nieces and nephews I adore, so there was always the assumption I would eventually follow suit. I wasn’t so sure I needed to birth my own children to enjoy the rich tapestry of a family. Still, my mother did everything she could to change my mind, even jokingly sprinkling me with holy water whenever I walked through the front door. By the time adulthood rolled around, I already knew motherhood wasn’t for me.

When I think about it, I believe the decision to remain childless comes down to a mix of things. A joyful life meant one in which I could travel extensively and have a journalism career with the flexibility to follow a big news story at a moment’s notice. Loading Also, my previous career as a social worker in child protection didn’t help. For seven years I investigated the unbearable cruelty that mothers and fathers – often by people who presented publicly as very loving – had inflicted on their children. You can never guess what’s going on in people’s homes and I knew then that if I did have children, I’d be so over protective that I’d struggle with them having play dates. And you can’t do that to a child! I met my husband, Jon, when I was 22 and I was thrilled to discover he also wanted a child-free life. We have lived in eight countries in 16 years together and I’ve been able to work as a news anchor in Moscow and as a foreign correspondent throughout Europe, Asia and South America. Life has offered adventure, but I’m glad I’m old enough now for people to accept the parenthood ship has sailed. Through my 20s, 30s and early 40s, I felt I was listening to a soundtrack playing on repeat: ‘Don’t want kids? Isn’t that selfish?’ The most memorable time was when I met Mother Teresa and she asked me why I was married, yet on the pill. She was so shocked when I told her it was because I didn’t want kids that for a moment I thought I’d caused her to have a stroke.

Even though I’ve never felt the strong maternal instinct that others talk about, I’ve always been aware that every month I was discarding a healthy egg I didn’t value. When a friend was struggling to fall pregnant, it seemed like a very natural decision to donate my eggs to help her start a family; her daughter, Rachael, is now 19. Four years later another friend was able to get pregnant with one of my eggs; her son, Sam, is now 15. And although both children look very much like me, I just feel like any other aunty. It’s a journey I’ve documented in my book, Two Eggs, Two Kids. I’m often asked, ‘Won’t you be lonely when you’re old?’ Yet becoming a parent is no guarantee you won’t be lonely. And many mums have told me that while they love their children to bits, they could have had a happy life without motherhood. So I’m confident I’ve made the right decision.” Industrial photographer Jen Dainer. “It’s given me freedom”

Industrial photographer Jen Dainer, 41, says when it comes to work-life balance, women often draw the short straw. “The realisation I didn’t want children revealed itself very slowly to me. As a kid, I was a real tomboy; I didn’t have any interest in playing house or with dolls, and once I got older I always had a long list of handy reasons for why it was never the right time. At first it was that I’d started my own business, and I told myself I wanted to wait until it was a success. Then it was that I wanted to buy a house – and on it went. It took me a decade, and the start and end of a marriage, to accept that the real reason behind ‘never the right time’ was because it wasn’t something I genuinely wanted. Loading I do wonder if I’d have felt differently if we enjoyed genuine gender household equality. I was in a marriage with a lovely man who was incredibly kind and generous, but I knew if we were to start a family, I’d likely be the one who would be responsible for everything from the health of our relationship to our children. I couldn’t see how I could run a business, invest in a marriage and children, and get my own needs met. We’ve raised a generation of men who are focused on being providers and carers but not taught the value of how to be emotionally responsible. I didn’t want to be a prisoner to that.

I work in a male-dominated environment and I have a solid circle of career-minded, child-free friends, so I’ve never felt judgment. I feel a sense of disbelief whenever I hear the term ‘selfish’ because, ironically, I have all the time in the world to volunteer, assist with community projects and help out family and friends when they need me. That same freedom has allowed me to take on challenging work and buy my own house as a single woman. Motherhood is a tough sell; I see plenty of women who are constantly tired, guilty and so distracted by what their kids are doing, saying or feeling that they can no longer see anything else. When you’re childless by choice, many mums will honestly tell you, ‘I love my kids but I if had my time again, I never would have had them.’ That’s all the warning I need. My child-free friends and I are now planning our retirement; the idea is to live in a Golden Girls-style commune. It’s an alternative ending to most, but then there are many who still find themselves packed into aged care while their kids sponge off their money. Me? I’d rather spend the rest of my days living the life I’ve designed. There’s a comfort that comes with certainty.” Communications manager Susan Moore. “Overpopulation is a problem”

Susan Moore, 50, a communications manager, believes more thought needs to be given before opting for parenthood.

“When I was dating, I kept having this recurring nightmare that I’d meet the man of my dreams and he’d want to have six children. I knew from a young age that this would be a deal-breaker for me; I grew up an only child and never felt comfortable around children. Loading It’s one of the reasons my husband, David, and I got married so quickly; we met, agreed that neither of us wanted kids and got engaged within three months. In a world where it felt like everyone around us was following the traditional ‘marriage, mortgage, children’ path, it was a huge relief to meet someone who shared my views. Obviously it wasn’t the only reason for not wanting kids – desiring lifelong independence is at the top of the list – but financial concern has played its part. I earn the primary income but I knew I would have been expected to take time out from my career to look after the kids and we would have struggled financially.