There have been plenty of iPhone diehards who have tried making the switch to Android over the years, and while some of them liked what they’ve seen, others haven’t been able to last even a single day. UI design expert Hillel Cooperman, a former Microsoft user experience expert and cofounder of user experience design consulting firm Jackson Fish Market, falls squarely into the latter category. Cooperman recently decided to put down his iPhone and pick up an HTC One just so he could get an understanding of Android’s user interface and he seemed to dislike everything about both HTC’s flagship phone and Google’s mobile platform.

So what did Cooperman find was so awful about the HTC One, which we found to be one of the best smartphones released last year? Take your pick.

From earlier: Apple fanboy explains why he couldn’t stand using the Nexus 5 for more than 24 hours

He says the notification bar is “always oozing like an open sore” that leaves a “pile of tiny incomprehensible turds appear at the top of my screen, uglifying it to no end.” Regarding HTC’s implementation of on-screen navigation bar buttons, he says that he’s “never seen a piece of UI that so contributes to clutter that it needs an extra step to unhide itself that provides ZERO additional functionality.” Android’s universal back button is “downright confusing” and “unpredictable and annoying.” The device’s home screen contains “small icons and too much white space,” while “typing just sucks.”

So, did Cooperman find anything at all to like about Android? Basically, no.

“My day-to-day Android experience is almost never pleasant,” he moans toward the end of his piece. “It’s death by a thousand cuts. These little awkward moments in the UX add up, and in the end I don’t love my Android phone. I don’t love using it. I prefer not to browse with it. I’m not excited to install new apps.”

In other words, you really shouldn’t ask Cooperman for advice on which Android phone you should buy because it sounds like he’ll just tell you to get an iPhone.

For more on what it’s like to make the switch, check out: Here’s what happens when a longtime iPhone user switches to Android