Yesterday's Seamless sushi and Duane Reade wine product just not cutting it as complements to your favorite television show? Instead, try these menus, specifically designed to enhance your viewing experience and enable the crippling TV addiction that's preventing you from reënrolling in law school.

"GAME OF THRONES"

Amuse-Bouche

Root vegetables that survived a century-long winter

Appetizer

An undressed frisée salad, because nothing should be dressed ever

Main

Kidney pie served alongside a living and honorable pheasant that you are really rooting for but is then unexpectedly beheaded tableside

or

Hot bloody snow

Dessert

It's still in the oven—we're just hoping it comes out before the chef dies

***

"THE GOOD WIFE"

Amuse-Bouche

Half a dozen Blue Point oysters that would've made his throat itch but who cares he's not in your life anymore thank God

Appetizer

Lox bagel from this morning's board meeting, because your life has been great since you left him and you sit on boards now

Main

Pot roast made by his mom, who is clearly on your side

Dessert

The panna cotta he knows you can't say no to goddammit

***

"HOUSE OF CARDS"

Amuse-Bouche

Chilled tomato soup resembling the oily pool of darkness that is unchecked human ambition

Appetizer

Bone-in ribs prepared by the barbecue-joint owner and friend you've taken for granted

Main

Bald eagle à l'orange

Dessert

A cigarette to be shared with your significant other and/or accomplice at a bay window of your choosing

***

"THE WALKING DEAD"

Amuse-Bouche

Sleeve of Ritz crackers found in the kitchen cupboard of a recently deceased neighbor

Appetizer

Squirrel sliders

Main

"Snapossurrel": like turducken but made out of snake, possum, and squirrel meat left over from the aforementioned sliders

Dessert

Freshly baked cookies that will remind you of the simple pleasures in life and how you're never, ever safe

***

"IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA"

Amuse-Bouche

Roasted asparagus drizzled with beer

Appetizer

Beer drizzled with beer

Main

Crack cocaine

Dessert

Nothing (you're high on crack cocaine)

***

THE ENTIRE "LAW & ORDER" FRANCHISE

Amuse-Bouche

Cold hot dog served by a street vender who will undoubtedly remember everything about you should a cynical but determined detective question him a week or even a decade from now

Appetizer

Especially greasy fried chicken that makes you leave fingerprints, like, everywhere

Main

Gluten-free spaghetti that admits to being filled with all sorts of gluten exactly seven minutes before the end of the meal

Dessert

Vanilla cone from a knockoff Mr. Softee truck whose driver is a registered sex offender

Optional Drink Pairing

Your choice of cocktail left unattended near the creepy son of a hedge-fund manager

***

"HOMELAND" OR "TYRANT"

Amuse-Bouche

Hummus*

Appetizer

Tabouli*

Main

Lamb Shawarma*

Dessert

Baklava*