<Mailed this letter, wondering if I can snag a response from them>

Dear Kellogg Company,

I am mailing you in response to the explosion of delicious cheese cracker tastiness that just happened inside my mouth. For years I have marveled at the ability of your company to make delicious snacks, and for this, I applaud you. I was introduced to Cheez-its when I was a young lad, and since then, it has been my snack of choice for parties, shindigs, and hootenannies. I am astounded by your ability to use pepper-jack, parmesan, garlic, white cheddar, and even Tabasco to make your snacks delicious, though to be honest, nothing can beat the original salty, cheesy goodness of a cheddar Cheez-it.

In addition, I would like to bring to your attention the lies that are being propagated by the Wikipedia article on Cheez-its. In the article, it says that your fine product is “similar to Kraft Cheese Nips”. This quote is verbatim, and a bold faced lie. I wouldn’t feed my dog those cardboard Cheez-it knockoffs, and I certainly wouldn’t allow Cheese Nips inside my house, as the overcooked greasy “snacks” would sully my domicile and leave a stench so bad I would have to hire a priest to get rid of it.

To show my support, I am wondering if there is a place to acquire a Cheez-it shirt, hat, or other apparel? I feel it is my duty as a loyal customer to tell the world how superior your baked snack cracker is, and to make sure to let everyone know who indeed is the king of delicious treats (you).

In Awe,

Alex