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Jay Kamara-Frederick doesn’t think of herself as “mutilated”. Although the south Londoner thinks “female cutting” is a human rights violation and almost died when she underwent the procedure herself in Sierra Leone, she hates the phrase “female genital mutilation” and wishes it had never been adopted.

“I think the term FGM is degrading,” she says. “It strips women of their dignity. Compare it with women who’ve had cancer and a mastectomy. It’s all pink feathers and bows for those injuries but if you’ve been cut, the terminology is aggressive, the way it is presented is aggressive. There’s no care for the actual survivors, the women who live with it every day of their lives.”

Kamara-Frederick wants to see the practice eradicated. But she believes calling it FGM creates a stigma around survivors, who are sometimes made to feel “less of a woman” or segregated from the rest of British society by the label. She’d prefer it be referred to as “female cutting”. “It says what it is on the can, there’s no sensationalising of the procedure. Change the name so it isn’t just a shock tactic, but so it represents the community of women who’ve unfortunately gone through this procedure.”

She adds that the term FGM was adopted in the mid-Seventies thanks to a feminist campaigner rather than the medical community. “I wish I could say to that one woman, ‘How dare you?’ I would not hold my hand up to say I’ve been mutilated — I’m not. I’m a woman. I’m a whole woman. And using that terminology erodes the perception of what a woman looks like.”

Kamara-Frederick is a freelance marketing consultant in her thirties (she won’t tell me her exact age) and lives with her husband and two cats. She’s articulate, funny and smiley, with a penchant for ostentatious jewellery and bright lipstick. Although she was born and brought up in Shepherd’s Bush, at 15 she was taken to her ancestral home of Sierra Leone for three weeks for what she was told was a rite of passage for women. “For people from that region, that’s what it is — a coming-of-age celebration. It’s almost like being a debutante. It’s not done in secret but away from the prying eyes of men, because it’s a women’s community affair.”

She didn’t understand what was happening to her. “When my mother said ‘You’re going to have an initiation’, I thought I was going to have my face cut — in some African countries they do that — so that was my main concern.” But Kamara-Frederick certainly wouldn’t have wanted it performed if she had known. “Going back to my parents’ country and having this procedure didn’t make any sense to me because I had no aspirations to move back there. And if I’d understood what was going to happen, I’d have said: ‘Hell, no’.”

Before she was cut she was given presents, dressed up and shown off to the community. “It’s almost like calling subjects to come and see royalty, because people line up to see you.” Afterwards, she was taken to another house where what even she has to describe as Type 2 FGM (the removal of the clitoris and inner labia) was carried out. Unfortunately, she ended up dangerously ill.

“I remember that I was passed out and my mum was really worried. She said, ‘Do you want to live?’ I thought, ‘Shit, I’m going to die from this’. And I found the strength to fight it. I didn’t know what was going on.” After a couple of days, the risk to her life passed, although healing took months. She considers herself lucky not to have experienced further related health problems since.

Yet Kamara-Frederick insists this does not constitute child abuse. “My mum didn’t do it to abuse me, she did it because of her culture. It’s a human rights violation — because every man or woman has a right to decide what to do with their own bodies — more than it is child abuse. I was abused — sexually abused as a child — and the two things just don’t tally up. I don’t see them as being one and the same.”

Does she ever talk to her mother about it now? “No, it’s a very strange thing — it’s something that’s still a taboo to talk about. I remember having a conversation with one of my older cousins about it and she was like, ‘This is our culture, get over it’.”

She believes that treating it as child abuse actually stops women coming forward. “They’re not coming from a place where this is abuse, they’re coming from loving families where both parents love them to pieces. I couldn’t imagine getting Mum arrested — this is a woman who loves me.”

Although she opposes prosecuting parents, Kamara-Frederick is not opposed to others being investigated and charged. “Anybody who practises it or is a broker should definitely be prosecuted. The brokers are reaching out to communities who are not well versed in the law and are therefore vulnerable. Those guys are predators.”

She believes that campaigns should focus more on helping women who’ve undergone FGM. “You have to put the survivor at the heart of everything you do. ”

She was particularly angry about a recent campaign that used a batch of cupcakes to illustrate the different types of FGM: some represented uncut vaginas, others were missing the clitoris or the labia. “That put me off cupcakes for life, and I love cupcakes. It’s just awful. What are they trying to do: to shock or to get communities together? I don’t understand how that is supposed to be empowering for anybody.”

She’d like to see more positive examples of women who’ve been cut, too. “Millions of women have undergone it and they’re living very healthy, full lives. But you don’t hear the stories of these women doing great things in the world, you see women who look sad and disconnected. If they want young people to unite with one voice against it, they need to change the approach. Otherwise a lot of young people will just go underground and suffer alone because they don’t fit into the right community — that’s my concern.”

She feels that the dialogue around FGM tries to put her in a box indelibly marked “victim”. “You have to realise that you’re more than just a victim. Just because I’m cut doesn’t mean I’m not going to embrace life and enjoy sex. I’m not going to be defined by that label.”

Another issue she has is that the focus recently has been heavily on the Somalian and Sudanese communities, when it is a practice that happens in 28 countries in Africa and the Middle East.

“Different cultures in different regions have different reasons for carrying it out or not carrying it out,” she notes. “And in that way — and I’m showing my marketing background here — tackling it is almost like marketing a product. You can’t market beefburgers the same way in every country — regulations are different, cultures are different. You have to research your audience.”

She worries too that cutting is often portrayed as an exclusively Muslim practice, even though it pre-dates Islam and is carried out in Christian communities too. “Muslims struggle to get positive stuff said about them already, and it’s unfair to suggest that it happens in just that community.”

Kamara-Frederick says she now meets up with other women who’ve been cut. Do they agree with her opinions? “I give them food for thought because I think they’ve just adopted a view that has been presented to them. But I don’t care whether they agree. I want to empower myself; whether they want to live under a black cloud is entirely up to them. I have to live this life — and I don’t want to do it as a victim.”

The Evening Standard is supporting Trust Women, the yearly event organised by the Thomson Reuters Foundation and dedicated to putting the rule of law behind women’s rights. Tickets for the November conference go on sale today at trustwomenconf.com

LONDON’S FIGHT TO END FGM

David Cameron will invite hundreds of high-profile anti-FGM campaigners from across the world to a major summit in London this summer.

The Prime Minister, below, is hosting the first ever “girls’ summit” to galvanise efforts to end female genital mutilation and forced marriage. More than 600 people are expected to travel to London for the event in July, including heads of state and celebrities. It will mark out the UK as the country leading the way in the fight against violence against women.

The summit is designed to make the most of the momentum built up by anti-FGM campaigns such as the one run in the Evening Standard.

It is understood that Downing Street will use the meeting to accelerate “an ambitious package of policies” to crack down on crimes including FGM and child, early and forced marriage (CEFM) — with a view to building a global agreement to end the crimes in a generation. The one-day summit will bring together political leaders, young people and activists in workshops and debates.

Cameron has previously resolved to put FGM and forced marriage “at the top of Britain’s aid agenda”. In the UK alone, more than 20,000 girls are at risk of each year.

Justine Greening, below, the International Development Secretary, says: “[The meeting] will be the UK really starting to lead the way in putting an end to violence against women and girls here and abroad. The Prime Minister is stepping up to the plate and showing his leadership and determination to tackle both of these issues.”

Last year the Government launched a £35 million programme to work in 17 countries supporting the movement to end FGM. Greening adds that she wants to replicate the success of the anti-FGM campaigns with work against early marriage. The UK is already the world’s biggest supporter of activity to end FGM.

Anna Davis