“Today’s live testimony was as dramatic as it was historic. It was the biggest ratings hit for C-SPAN 3 since ‘Drunk History’ starring Brett Kavanaugh.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Today was the first time in over 20 years that Congress has held a public impeachment hearing. And if this one is anything like the last one, Trump will be impeached, then be acquitted in the Senate, and then in 20 years, his wife will lose an election to some idiot.” — SETH MEYERS

“Today the new evidence against President Trump was called ‘damning.’ Some say this could end his presidency. No, wait I’m sorry — this joke is from two years ago. That joke is also from one year ago — and six months ago. We have — we’ve used that cue card, like, 15 times.” — CONAN O’BRIEN