WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The White House today announced that it was offering a “substantial cash reward” for information leading to “the location and safe return of President Obama’s mojo.”

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney announced the search with an air of urgency: “We will use every resource at our disposal to ensure the return of the President’s mojo, and that goes double for his groove.”

Mr. Carney said that as of late Wednesday afternoon no one at the White House knew the President’s mojo was missing, but minutes into last night’s televised debate “it became clear that something was terribly, horribly wrong.”

Even if the White House is successful in locating Mr. Obama’s mojo, Mr. Carney acknowledged, it could take days or even weeks to get it working.

In an effort to reboot his campaign, President Obama plans to announce some bold initiatives for his second term, including killing Osama bin Laden again.

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Photograph: Alex Wong/Getty