A few weeks ago, articles began popping up all over about a crowdfunding campaign promising to produce a novel and exciting beer using bacteria from an unconventional source:

A woman’s vagina.

The idea to address this topic in a Brü’s Views article came as the hype train was chugging along, though it appears to have since fizzled out. Having already secured a guest contributor who provided a response, and being a neurotic follower of schedules, I thought it best to go ahead and publish rather than sweep it under the rug. If this incites unpleasant flashbacks, I do apologize, please feel free to bloviate in the comments section below. As always, each contributor’s opinion was written without influence from the others, as was the guest’s.

When it came to select a guest contributor for this topic, I thought a woman’s perspective would be most appropriate and provide balance, though I was admittedly anxious how it might come across– me asking a woman to talk about something so, I don’t know, private. I also wanted the person to be plugged into the beer and brewing world. Working through my hesitation, one person immediately came to mind, someone I’ve come to know as being incredibly well-spoken and willing to engage in passionate debates on brewing methods. A huge thanks to 2012 Pilsner Urquell Master Homebrewer recipient, 2013 AHA Homebrewer of the Year, and current PicoBrew Master Brewer Annie Johnson for taking the time to share her thoughts on vagina beer.

On Vagina Beer

| ANNIE JOHNSON |

When Marshall first asked me to write my thoughts about Vagina Beer, I was like, “sure, anything for Marshall!” Then I set out to do some research on the subject. I’d briefly heard about this new Order of Yoni ale brewed with a Czech Supermodel’s vaginal lactic acid (or rather in ‘Murica better known as Pussy Juice). Nasty!

The concept of some of the other Order of Yoni beers their sex addicted CEO proposes (not sure about him being a sex addict but I don’t think it’s a stretch to think so) don’t seem as nasty but rather appealing. Proposed beers sans the juice are a milk stout inspired by Cleopatra’s infamous milk baths and another an ancient ale brewed with rose petals. These seem like they could actually taste good because of the actual absence of V goo. Still…

I think the whole Order of Yoni is a bit too 13 year old boy’ish for me in a nudie mags stuffed under the mattress kind of way. As a serious homebrewer and spokesperson of a product development company who specializes in brewing equipment the whole thing is rather gross. A marketing ploy and a fishy one at that (see what I did there so you didn’t have to?). If anything the Order of Yoni peeps should take note of Rogue’s infamous Beard Yeast Beer. Rumor has it John Maier hated this brew and he certainly doesn’t like to talk about it now. Who can blame him?! BUT, please, let’s just stop with the wild yeast experiments that come from body parts and especially the nether regions.

Don’t get me wrong, I love sour beers, just not the ones fermented with yeast from a lady’s undercarriage.

| MARSHALL |

I get it. It’s important to be unique, employ clever marketing tactics, basically do whatever makes you stick out. First it was Rogue’s Beard Beer and now this– a beer fermented with bacteria from a woman’s vagina. Wonderful. If the intent were to culture a microorganism suspected to produce a novel and delicious beer based on prior research, I’d probably be cool with that, assuming the genital source wasn’t used to market the product.

This is so obviously not the case.

Juvenile, stupid, boorish, not to mention more than slightly patronizing and offensive. Given the recent hype and our general “sex sells” tendencies, I fully expected this banal idea to be an embarrassing success. Except, despite all the press, the vagina beer crowdfunding campaign reached barely 1% of its goal. Ha. Hahaha! Ahhhh, that’s funny. A pitiful idea with a pitiful response. I’m not much of an advice giver, but to the folks behind this idea, I might recommend learning how to make a decent beer using standard ingredients before venturing off into the nether-lands, as it were.

Where’s the penis beer, anyway? Why isn’t that a thing?

| MALCOLM |

Help us to spread femininity all over the world.

~ Wojciech Mann from The Order Of Yoni ~

A few weeks ago, social media, digital opinion pieces, and even a few mainstream media outlets were a flutter with a curious tag “Vagina” beer. That’s right, don’t be afraid to say it:

V-A-G-I-N-A.

Bottled Instinct is a concept by start-up The Order of Yoni, Yoni being the Sanskrit word for vagina. Bemused by the concept, I asked my wife about it, this was several weeks into their crowdfuning campaign, and she looked at me blinking then, after a pause, tilted her head. I replied, “I take that as a no?” She quipped, “Oh, I was waiting for the punchline, you’re serious?” So the warden hadn’t heard of it, but we travel in different circles, at least their crowdfund effort was a success…

Oh, wait, they raised a whopping €1578 ($1800) of their €150,000 ($170,000) goal.

While covering such a potentially controversial concept at this point seems moot since the public has already spoken (I’m proud of you!), the plan to discuss the issue was already in motion, so pardon me while I regale you with my opinion.

My issues are with the beer and choice of microbes, the sexualization and objectification of women, and the delivery of the message, most of which is in direct conflict of the stated intentions. Notice I did not claim it was gross as I know we can swab a person wherever, isolate a microbe, then propagate it aseptically. Nor do I care that their chosen microbes come from a woman’s naughty bits. Oh no, I am quite comfortable with V-A-G-I-N-A, consider me a fan. Being a guy in general, let alone a filthy sailor, I am in no way beyond some jokes or puns as long as they are ridiculous enough to be obviously over the top. In the right crowd at the proper time, it’s a non-issue as far as I’m concerned. However, the advertising here is an off-target attempt at being an Ode To Woman while actually being smarmy.

The Order’s true intentions are transparent despite their claim to the contrary. The subject of being disrespectful is plainly covered in their FAQ where they share their apparent belief they’re doing women a favor, that vagina beer is exactly the opposite of sexist.

Well then, glad that’s settled. Still, I’m curious how they choose a donor for said microbes? Was it based on a woman with vaginal microflora representative of a particular region? One that is both helpful and potentially beneficial to the beer and it’s flavor? That would be something! And it would lend some credence to the concept of celebrating women and their uniqueness, and their role of providing life.

Nope. They chose a super hottie Czech Model who is claimed to be “the kind of female whose pheromones will stay with you after the meeting for the following week… whose face you visualize every time you close your eyes… the woman whose silhouette you recognize.”

That is some creepy shite. Read the full description aloud with the pics of a bottle resting on a woman’s crotch while she is bent over, or a picture of Bottled Instinct next to beer glasses that just so happen to have lacy panties thrown over them. It exudes respect and celebration– tribute to our mothers and childbirth? More like, “It puts the lotion on its skin.”

Among the list of ingredients that go into the beer are the expected water, malt, and hops in addition to adjuncts such as wood chips, yeasts, lactobacillus acidophilus…

Wait a second, lactobacillus acidophilus? What in the funk? You go through all the trouble to get coochie bugs and you isolate acidophilus? Where my Milk The Funk homies be at?! Seriously, upon discovering that gem, I was left befuddled. They wish to celebrate women and her “essence” by isolating from her vagina a bacteria that can be easily and cheaply purchased from any drug store.

The Order is not celebrating the uniqueness of women or the vagina’s miraculous ability to maintain itself, limit invasive bacteria and viruses, and potentially pass on such an ability to their children during birth. No, instead they are celebrating yogurt critters and their ability to make a tart beer and then using images of a sexy young female to try to sell it. Marketing beer with sexualized images is not new, but further reducing the model to a sexual object to such an extent “she can be bottled” and sold, that is a new low. Hopefully some anonymous wealthy pervo won’t bail them out and allow the beer to still be made. I know I won’t be saying “bottoms up.”

| MATT |

This project brings to mind three “whys?” Why was it done? Why would you drink it? Why would you pay for it? Let’s look at the questions and some possible answers.

Why was it done?

To push the boundaries of brewing! To put our fledgling operation on the map!

Politely, we could stand and say “this is pushing the boundaries of zymurgy and blending those two great things that gave us life and make life worth living!” More likely, it was an extension of “Beard Beer” and the idea that it would generate so much press that it could only launch the brewery’s operation into the forefront of the indie beer discussion circles. Frankly, if you’re willing to deal with the backlash, or don’t care what your non-audience thinks, this is not a horrible launch strategy. In the ever-more-crowded craft beer market, getting noticed is tough and this stunt wallpapered my social media accounts, so I’ll say they succeeded here.

Why would you drink it?

You love experimental beers. Someone dared you.

Basically, if you fit the demographic that wants to guzzle vaginal yeast cultures as part of your alcohol intake… you don’t need to read this. For you, the answer is similar to explorer George Mallory’s when asked why he wanted to climb Everest: “Because it’s there.” Part of me is in this category for many beer styles. I’ll try anything once. You never know what you might learn or like. It all advances the chaotic, scrambled pile of loose leaf notes that is the beer making catalog in my head, so what could it hurt? I don’t care what people think of me drinking radlers, fruit beers, or flavored wheat beers, so why this? Well, because it proudly and loudly runs on “made with vagoo cultures” and that is a bit different than just disregarding the alehole’s stare of disapproval or gibes from down the bar. It fails for me here.

Would you pay for it?

Sure! It is a highly scientific product made from rare ingredients, I’m game. No, It’s gross. No, it’s demeaning to women.

My career has taught me there is a huge chasm between great and viable ideas, between press-getter and blockbuster. I have no doubt this succeeded in being grabbing attention– the layout, marketing, and approach are actually nuanced and directed. The person driving the branding ship is no idiot. He just won’t get my business. Between the beer I brew, local offerings, and hard-to-get favorites I track down, I’m not going to budget for the chance to see if Poonani Porter is perfect for me or if it met my stringent guidelines for quality and brewing technique. Don’t have the time, don’t have the inclination. I imagine the great bulk of craft beer falls into this category. What this leaves the marketer of a product with is a real touch-and-go, high risk attempt to unload his presumably super expensive product to a niche audience and not take a loss, which ultimately destroys the whole reason for taking this kind of risk with product development and promotion. I think this is where things will go south for this project.

In the end, I’m left shaking my head at the whole thing. While the marketing/branding guy in me wants to give them a golf clap for “shocking the industry” in the most tried-and-true method possible (sex!), and the experimental drinker/brewer in me might not say turn down a sample if offered, I’m afraid it falls apart in the sales and sustainability department. Not to mention discomfort with what the women in my life are likely to think of it– say what you want, I don’t want to have the conversation with anyone outside of my age/peer group. I’m one of the least bashful people you meet and this gets to me, as I assume it will for a lot of people when it comes time to pay up and pack up. I don’t think we are likely to see much from this brewery in the future, so I’ll wave goodbye and wait for the next big thing, something that won’t have my wife putting me on the couch for the night or my daughter asking uncomfortable questions about that beer label in the fridge.

| RAY |

I am not grossed out by vaginas. I think vagina beer is a childish and stupid marketing gimmick. Fin.

| GREG |

What Ray said…

This is such an incredibly dumb marketing campaign. I can’t believe someone thought they could generate €150,000 ($170,000) from this garbage. I could feel myself losing brain cells as I attempted to make it through the campaign website text. The fact that every word I’m writing is drawing even more attention to this juvenile crap is pissing me off, so I’m ending my rant.

So that’s where we stand, how about you? Do you view this whole ordeal as sexist or, like the brewer, is it the opposite? Would you try the beer or refuse a sample if offered? This is a safe place, feel free to share your honest thoughts and opinions on vagina beer in the comments section below!

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