Experiencing racism in your day-to-day life has a heavy and accumulative impact on your social, mental and emotional wellbeing.

But what is less frequently discussed is the damaging psychological impact of constantly having to explain what racism is – or why something is racist.

Whether it’s through the ignorance of employers or colleagues, well-meaning questions from friends, or belligerent demands for proof when trying to articulate an example of injustice – people of colour are frequently used as some kind of racism reference database.

And, in a world where Google exists, explaining racism seems like an utterly unnecessary additional burden to place on the shoulders of the people who are affected by it.

In recent weeks, there has been vital and nuanced conversation online about the downsides of ‘debating’ racism on TV and radio segments – and more journalists and commentators of colour are turning down requests to talk about the latest race row live on air.

‘TV and Radio debates involving those who’ve never experienced racism… furiously attempting to disprove those who have,’ wrote ITV newsreader Charlene White on Twitter. ‘Telling them what racism looks like. The audacity is shameful.’

‘I find many TV discussions about race deeply upsetting to watch,’ added journalist Nadine White.

‘Many – too many – are framed as though the existence of racism is a subject for legitimate debate. It isn’t. The sanctioned gaslighting of Black people must end.’

Senior policy officer at race equality thinktank Runnymede Trust, Kimberly McIntosh, says the problem is that explaining what racism is, in any real or substantive way, is damn-near impossible in a few short minutes of a live broadcast.

‘Most broadcast media outlets are only interested in speaking about racism in reductive terms,’ Kimberly tells Metro.co.uk.

‘We frequently bat off calls to comment on whether a particular celebrity or event is, or was, “racist”. This is not an opportunity to discuss the impact on people’s employment opportunities or the loss of dignity that comes with being abused in public.’

Kimberly says the producers of these ‘debates’ want commentators like her to comment on a ‘culture war’ that only exits because they’ve constructed it themselves.

‘The burden of this nonsensical, embarrassing media landscape is that spokespeople of colour are in a double bind,’ she explains.

‘If you do speak in such a debate, you will likely be pitched against a man who knows nothing about the topic but is good at saying inflammatory sound bites for socials.

‘The belief that racism is no longer an issue risks having a significant impact on the self-esteem and wellbeing of minorities’ (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

‘If you don’t, you’re left wondering – did your absence mean there was no one to make the case against racism based on evidence? Are we leaving the space vacant for toxic, false narratives, leaving minority communities worse off?’

So, you end up on live TV, trying to explain racism, once again being shouted down by someone with little to no expertise or personal experience. And it is unbelievably draining to go through this.

‘Producers should stop using minorities as fodder for rage clicks and clout,’ Kimberly explains.

‘We have the evidence that racism is real, so stop framing it as a “debate”. Racism is not entertainment.’

But the burden of explaining racism isn’t limited to these heightened discussions on broadcast platforms, it’s happening to people in their everyday lives, in their friendship groups, romantic interactions and professional relationships.

Professor Binna Kandola, psychologist and co-founder of diversity consultancy Pearn Kandola, says that the impact of this burden can be ‘significant’ and can even lead to depression and serious self-esteem issues.

He says part of the problem stems from the insidious and underhand nature of racism in this country – and the mistaken belief that racial inequality is no longer a problem.

Racism comes in many forms, and it often manifests as a feeling, or something intangible. But, when many people believe that racism is simply calling somebody the ‘n-word’ or the ‘p-word’, these more subtle forms of discrimination can be ignored and missed.

Prof Kandola argues that when racism is covert and harder to pinpoint, it often falls to minorities to call it out and explain it.

‘Racism has evolved, becoming more subtle and therefore more difficult to oppose,’ Professa Kandola tells Metro.co.uk.

‘We no longer tolerate racist language or abuse in the same way that previous generations might once have done, but in the workplace, for example, the existence of the race pay gap and the severe lack of BAME representation at senior levels shows that there is still a great deal of work to be done before we can achieve true equality.’

Discussing and explaining racism is not only a burden for ethnic minority staff, it can also be dangerous.

There is the constant fear that claims will be dismissed, and you will be labelled difficult or accused of ‘playing the race card’.

A piece of research conducted by Pearn Kandola in 2018 found that a third of black and Asian people (34% and 36% respectively) would take no action after witnessing an act of racism.

Of all respondents who said they would take no action, two-fifths (39%) said that this was out of fear of the consequences of doing so.

‘It’s clear, therefore, that the widespread belief that racism is no longer an issue and the dismissal of any complaints, risks having a significant impact on the self-esteem and general wellbeing of minorities,’ explains Prof Kandola.

‘In the long-term, we even risk minorities accepting the stereotypes with which they are labelled as evidence of who they are and what they can achieve.

‘This kind of acceptance not only lays the groundwork for mental health issues such as depression and imposter syndrome but also serves to further establish the problem of modern racism.’

Professor Kandola says we have gone beyond calling for conversations about race, what is really needed is a willingness to listen to, and learn from, the lived experiences of people of colour.

‘We must work towards building a culture of psychological safety, in which people can report racism without fear. A culture in which we stand up for victims of racism, rather than ignoring them.’

Dr Chi-Chi Obuaya, Consultant Psychiatrist at the Nightingale Hospital in London, says marginalization of or the perception of this amongst black and minority ethnic immigrant populations can impact their mental wellbeing.

He says rates of psychosis are higher in minority ethnic groups in the UK – and more research needs to look at whether experiencing and explaining racism could be causing this.

‘Studies of African-American populations in the USA have demonstrated that experiences of racism can have a negative impact on both physical and mental health, including measures of wellbeing,’ Dr Chi-Chi adds.

He says one concept that can explain this is the so-called ‘internal locus of control’.

‘That is an ability to have a sense of control over one’s circumstances and opportunities in life, which has been shown to impact positively on mental health in this group.

‘Conversely, an external locus of control, where the subject has less control over these factors, has been shown to impact negatively on their mental wellbeing.’

If loss of control negatively impacts your mental wellbeing, it is no wonder that being repeatedly asked to explain racism can become a psychological burden.

When someone denies your experience of racism, you lose control over your own narrative, and of your own understanding of what you have been through – which is destabilising, to say the least.

Reni Edo-Lodge published Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race back in 2017; the title alone highlights the exhaustion and exasperation that comes with attempting to explain racism to people who can’t – or won’t – understand it.

‘I can no longer engage with the gulf of an emotional disconnect that white people display when a person of colour articulates their experience,’ Reni wrote in the 2014 viral blogpost that spawned the subsequent book.

She articulates perfectly the accumulative emotional exhaustion of trying to reason with people ‘who refuse to accept the legitimacy of structural racism and its symptoms.’ It’s the psychological equivalent of banging your head against a brick wall.

But, three years after Reni’s book became a best-seller, many of us are still having these awkward and draining conversations with the people in our lives.

Kimberly says the impact of books like Reni’s has helped though, and she is starting to see a shift in the way people in her life engage with conversations about race. She says she is having fewer interactions that leave her mentally fatigued, and she finds it easier to walk away if someone refuses to get it.

‘This wasn’t always the case, but books like Reni’s really helped take some of that burden away,’ she tells us.

‘Most people in my life get the basics, and the ones that weren’t interested – I’ve phased out. The burden was heavy and I don’t want to spend my free time upset.

‘Everyone is ignorant of some things. Not trying to understand is very different.’

The hardest thing about the burden of explaining racism is the conflict between wanting to help improve a situation, and the need to protect yourself emotionally.

It’s important to remember that not every battle has to be yours to fight. If the psychological impact of debating your lived experiences is too much, it’s OK to step away from the fray.

The State of Racism We need to be able to talk about racism. This series is an in-depth look at racism in the UK in 2020. We aim to look at how, where and why racist attitudes and biases impact people of colour from all walks of life. It's vital to improve the language we have to talk about racism and start the difficult conversations about inequality. We want to hear from you - if you have a personal story or experience of racism that you would like to share get in touch: metrolifestyleteam@metro.co.uk