As a feminist, I see misconceptions about what feminism means all the time. So it’s finally time to clear something up: I don’t believe that anyone has to subscribe to the goals of feminism, but I will use your skull as a full-blown potty if you tell me you don’t.

You have every right to tell me you don’t believe that I deserve to be economically, legally, and socially equal. Everyone has the right to believe what they want. Which means I also have the privilege of removing your head, taking out all the mushy parts, and using the resulting container as a very inconvenient place to urinate.

Don’t get me wrong; I fully believe in free speech and your right to say what you want. But if you choose not to be on the right side of history, then there’s really nothing stopping me from turning your head into my own personal toilet if you don’t repent immediately. It’s only fair.

And yes, I will give you as much time as you need to explain your side of things, even if it goes against all historical evidence and even a somewhat conservative view of society today. We all have unique perspectives, so I’m giving you the chance to persuade me. But just keep in mind that if you don’t completely go back on what you’ve said, issue a formal apology, and forever bind yourself to the cause of feminisim I will swiftly remove your head from your body, put it in my bathroom, piss in it, and then pour the piss from your head into my toilet, even though this adds a very unnecessary step for me. This all could be avoided if you just say you’re a feminist. But you certainly don’t have to.

So please, before you discuss feminism, please try to understand it. Feminism does not mean superiority to men, and it does not mean that there is not nuance in what it means to be a feminist. But it does mean that if you tell me you’re not a feminist, I will poo poo in your dumb head holes until you change your mind.