FUNDAMENTALIST Christians in Derby have been forced to accept that God does not want them to be foster parents.

As the High Court ruled that children should not be raised in the 14th century, theologians admitted the decision, like the countless cruel and violent deaths over the course of human history, must be part of God’s plan.

God had previously made Derby County Council turn down Owen and Eunice Johns’ fostering application because they refused to tell a child that homosexuality must also be part of God’s plan.

But last night the couple insisted they will appeal claiming God has finally made his second mistake, the first being the creation of gay people.

Mr Johns said: “My entire life has been based on the belief that God is perfect and that everything happens for a reason except gayness.

“I now realise he’s only 92% perfect and could probably learn a thing or two from the European Court of Human Rights.”

The couple’s lawyer, Martin Bishop, said: “We believe this decision was the result of an administrative error in heaven and that God has inadvertently given a child to the Sir Elton Johns.

“I’m sure the mistake happened at a lower level, possibly Jesus, nevertheless the liability rests with God as his departmental line manager.”

He added: “It’s the sort of mix-up that happens a million times a day in large bureaucracies. Indeed, Mr Johns believes this is the reason he has never been able to land a record deal.”