Packers



Strengths: Clay Matthews entering prime of pitchman career; Team’s porous defense allows its dominant offense to stay on field for most of game; Running back Eddie Lacy excels at gaining yards after contact from flailing bodies of his blockers



Weakness: As the NFL’s smallest market, Green Bay simply lacks depth at the 18- to 34-year-old demographic to be a contender in modern era



Key Player: Aaron Rodgers is a proven collapsed pocket passer



Injury Update: B.J. Raji’s season-ending biceps injury creates massive headache for Packers’ team cafeteria



Key Offseason Acquisition: Signed defensive end Julius Peppers away from rival Chicago, suggesting that players might not actually buy into any of that bullshit



Goal: Eddie Lacy still motivated to prove Packers wrong for passing on him during first round of 2013 NFL Draft



Fun Fact: Roger Goodell still waiting for right moment to ban Lambeau Leap as a touchdown celebration