My girlfriend and I used to go to Whole Foods. We never went there to shop for groceries though. That place is too damn expensive. Instead, we’d eat lunch at their nice buffet. I usually get their falafel balls with humus and some pita bread. On this particular occasion when I approached the falafel cart, there were only two left. As I reached for the falafel balls, that speedy mother fucker zoomed by and grabbed them, with his bare hands no less. “Hey what’s your problem?” I said showing the fact that I was the one with the fucking tongs. “Snooze you lose,” he replied. I guess my girlfriend heard the commotion because she came over . “What’s going on?” she said, right before her jaw dropped (queue the heavenly music). “This fucker took the last falafels!” He stood there with a self-entitled expression on his face. “Just pick something else.” I can’t believe she sided with him. He flipped one of the balls into the air like a coin, and it landed in his fat mouth. Then he had the audacity to wink at her. “You know this is what I get,” I complained. But she wasn’t even listening to me. She was busy staring at his package. Right as I said that, a guy walked out with a new tray full of falafels. “See bud, there’s no reason to cry about it.” That phrase is probably my biggest pet peeve. When you’re mad about something, and they respond with a complete inconsideration of your feelings. The fact that there were more wasn’t the point. It’s that these celebrities think they’re larger than life and can get away with what ever they want. That falafel was rightfully mine. He tossed the last one in the air. I watched it rotate above his head. He winked again and closed his eyes before opening his mouth. Right then I reached out and caught the ball with my tongs. “What do you think your doing?” I had angered the beast, so I started to run away, but he quickly caught up to me yelling, “Hand it over!” I put the falafel behind my back. “What’s the matter? There’s more.” I nodded to the new tray of falafels. He picked me up by my neck with one arm and said, “I’m only going to say it once.” My face was turning red, and I was running out of breath, but I managed to say, “Or what? You gonna hurt me? You’re no hero.” By this time, a few other people started watching our confrontation. At that point I didn’t care about the falafel. I just didn’t want him to have it. So I let it fall to the floor. Everyone watched to see what his reaction would be. He dropped me to the ground. I sat there smiling, trying to catch my breath as he stood over me. He looked around, realizing there was nothing he could do. Then he shot me a dirty look before flying out the door. That was the first time I felt I won. But our battle wasn’t over, and won’t ever be.

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