“Evaṃ passaṃ, bhikkhave, sutavā ariyasāvako rūpasmiṃ nibbindati, vedanāya nibbindati, saññāya nibbindati, saṅkhāresu nibbindati, viññāṇasmiṃ nibbindati, nibbidā virajjati, virāgā vimuccati , vimuttasmiṃ vimuttamiti ñāṇaṃ hoti. ‘khīṇā jāti, vusitaṃ brahmacariyaṃ, kataṃ karaṇīyaṃ, nāparaṃ itthattāyā’ti pajānāti. ayaṃ vuccati, bhikkhave, bhikkhu ukkhittapaligho itipi, saṃkiṇṇaparikkho itipi, abbūḷhesiko itipi, niraggaḷo itipi, ariyo pannaddhajo pannabhāro visaṃyutto itipi.

“Seeing thus, bhikkhus, the instructed noble disciple experiences revulsion towards form, revulsion towards feeling, revulsion towards perception, revulsion towards volitional formations, revulsion towards consciousness. Experiencing revulsion, he becomes dispassionate. Through dispassion [his mind] is liberated. When it is liberated there comes the knowledge: ‘It’s liberated.’ He understands: ‘Destroyed is birth, the holy life has been lived, what had to be done has been done, there is no more for this state of being.’”

When most people come to Buddhism they encounter statements like the above, or statements regarding letting go of desire and attachment. They see that monks live a celibate life of letting go, of giving up, and their most common response to this is “ I couldn’t never be a monk, I could never give up sex or (insert favorite item/activity).

My response to that is quite honest and abrupt: “yes, you could, if the conditions for such letting go arise”. As you can see from the sutta selection above, it takes insight into the true nature of things as a precursor. If you practice correctly you will begin, little by little over years of consistent practice, to develop this insight.

This is a package deal, a BOGO(Buy one get one), as it were. You cannot develop insight, but remain attached and full of craving for things which please the senses.

That is not to say that suddenly like a light switch you go from craving to detachment, from passion to dispassion. This also happens very gradually over time. The results of practice are hard to see if you look for them in shorter periods, but if you examine how much you’ve changed since you first began, you see the results clearly.

Detachment: (Dictionary: the state of being objective, freedom from prejudice or partiality) , as you can see is not an aversion, not a hatred. You don’t come to “dislike” sensual pleasures, you move towards the middle, towards a mind of equanimity, away from the “I like, I dislike” mind.

Attachment(I like)———Equanimity———Aversion(I dislike)

I think the selection that begun this article, said by the Buddha, is best further explained by a simile the Buddha gives which is the impetus for the title of this article:

“Suppose, Rādha, some little boys or girls are playing with sand castles. So long as they are not devoid of lust, desire, affection, thirst, passion, and craving for those sand castles, they cherish them, play with them, treasure them, and treat them possessively. But when those little boys or girls lose their lust, desire, affection, thirst, passion, and craving for those sand castles, then they scatter them with their hands and feet, demolish them, shatter them, and put them out of play. (Rādhasaṃyutta “2(2) A Being”)

This summary by Thānissaro Bhikkhu should help clear things up:

Call it a sense of maturation. It’s like a little child who used to play with something. The day comes when you don’t see it as interesting anymore. You’ve kind of figured it out. You’ve figured out what the appeal was, and that the appeal was really not worth it. Then you just let it go.

So it’s not a sense of disgust. Sometimes it’s translated as revulsion or disgust. It’s more like a kind of food you’ve eaten, where you realize, you know, my body doesn’t want this anymore. And it’s the same with the mind. You’ve seen whatever pleasure can be gotten out of a certain activity and you’ve also seen the drawbacks. There comes a point when you realize: with the drawbacks, it’s not worth it.

Let’s now take a look at the Pali Terms themselves in our continued quest to understand this concept of “turning away” that is so core to progress in the practice. The astute will notice these words from the opening selection.

Pali words are often hard to translate into English. This leads to many Pali words having multiple equivalent English words/concepts. It is important to keep context and the overall thrust of the teaching in mind when choosing which English word or words fits best as a translation. Indeed these days for most core Pali terms I just use the original term instead of a translation, the word Dukkha(often translated as suffering) being a prime example.

Nibbidā : weariness, disgust with worldly life, tedium, aversion, indifference, disenchantment N. is of the preliminary & conditional states for the attainment of Nibbāna (see nibbāna II B 1) & occurs frequently together with ;virāga, vimutti & nibbāna; Nibbindati [nis+vindati, vid2] to get wearied of; to have enough of, be satiated, turn away from, to be disgusted with. Virajjati [vi+rajjati] to detach oneself, to free oneself of passion, to show lack of interest in Virāga [vi+rāga] 1. Absence of rāga, dispassionateness, indifference towards (abl. or loc.) disgust, absence of desire, destruction of passions; waning, fading away cleansing, purifying; emancipation, Arahantship Vimutti : release; deliverance; emancipation.



So as you can see you could take some of these definitions and really paint an aversive concept “ I’m so disgusted, I hate the world” or you can paint a picture of letting go, of equanimity, with weariness, disenchantment, turning away, detachment. From what my practice has shown me I tend to go with the latter rather than the former.

The Buddha spoke about knowing sensual experiences (as in experiences through the six senses, sights, smells, tastes, sounds, tangibles, mind-objects) fully. You don’t just try to close your eyes and wish them away or try to push or suppress them, you know fully the Gratification, the Danger, and the Escape:

““So long, bhikkhus, as I did not directly know as they really are the gratification, the danger, and the escape in the case of these five aggregates subject to clinging, I did not claim to have awakened to the unsurpassed perfect enlightenment in this world with its devas, Māra, and Brahmā, in this generation with its ascetics and brahmins, its devas and humans. But when I directly knew all this as it really is, then I claimed to have awakened to the unsurpassed perfect enlightenment in this world with … its devas and humans.”

““Then, bhikkhus, it occurred to me: ‘The pleasure and joy that arise in dependence on form(and all of the 5 aggregates): this is the gratification in form. That form is impermanent, suffering, and subject to change: this is the danger in form. The removal and abandonment of desire and lust for form: this is the escape from form.”

With insight and full understanding, you see there is nothing left to entice you, to seek happiness and pleasure in, because you see that these things are impermanent, unsatisfactory, and not-self, so they couldn’t possible bring you lasting happiness.

You begin to develop contentment, and to see that true lasting happiness is developed from inside, not grabbed from outside. Freedom from suffering becomes the ultimate joy, the ultimate bliss, and the ultimate goal. Letting go of attachment and aversion, “I like” and “ I don’t like”, complete with all the mental conception and proliferation that follows that clinging.

I can personally attest to what the Buddha has said in this article. I am certainly not an awakened being or even very advanced, but as I said these things are seen gradually over time. You don’t have to wait to become awakened to see that what you use to take as happiness, the grasping at various experiences to please the senses, no longer gives you the same pleasure it used to.

Like someone who is addicted to a drug and still 20 years later trying to chase the level of pleasure from the first high, when that is impossible. It’s not like trying to quit something cold turkey, that’s actually hard. This is like being so “over it”, that there is just no more desire to chase the high. It’s lead you to nothing but pain, dissatisfaction, and suffering in the long run.

Then the Buddha comes along and whispers: “hey, psst, listen here. There is a peace, happiness, and contentment not found in anything you’ve clung to in the past, just follow this path and you’ll see for yourself”.

When what you use to cling to as happiness is now found to be hollow, shallow, and devoid of the ability to fulfil your wish, you turn away from it and follow the Buddha’s path with trust and confidence that this path will fulfill that wish. This is exactly where the practice lead me over the period of nearly a decade, and resides at the core as to why I made the decision near half a decade ago to want to become a monk.

So could the practice lead to the same path for you, could you “give up sex” or the myriad of sensual pleasures you enjoy? If done correctly and whole heartedly, yes you could, without any suffering while doing it. Does that scare you? Then don’t worry about it, keep practicing and eventually it won’t scare you one bit, you’ll be too happy, peaceful, and content to worry about it!