>Life in Equestria has gotten amazingly boring lately.

>Twilight broke your laptop when trying to power it up for you.

>Pinkie took all the stickers off your Rubix Cube after trying to solve it.

>Derpy's ass broke your Nokia from 2001 by sitting on it (Good lord you are afraid of that ass) so no more Snake for you.

>All you have left is the laser pointer that you would point things out with to your college class.

>You sit lazily on your couch and try to make patterns on the wall with it when you hear your front door creak open.

>It is Speedyblue, the only pone who wants to see your boring ass anymore

>"Hey Anon! I figured we coul-" Her eyes lazily move to what you are doing but quickly turn to tiny specks as she sees the dot dancing on the wall

>Within the span of one second she is off the floor and speeding at the wall, her focus on catching that glorious red dot.

>She smashes head first into the wall and groans before passing out in a heap of blood and a cracked skull.

Huh.

>Life in Equestria just got interesting again.

>You unceremoniously dump the dazed pegasi into your "compost pile"

>Pretty much just your shitter since these ponies never bothered to help you make a proper toilet.

>You pocket the now godly device and whistle a tune before heading out into the weirdly expansive town of Ponyville.

>Waving and grinning to ponies who are confused by your uncharacteristically happy attiude you zero in on your next target.

>That fucking mailmare who is currently trying to shove a box of dragon dildos into the mail slot at PurpleBook's.

>You are not sure at all how that mare manages to go through a 6-pack a week but you are honestly afraid to even ask.

>Jogging slightly over to Derpy with a big grin she drops the package and the rest of the her mailbag from her mouth as well while giving you a huge spaced out looking smile.

>Pretty sure you heard about five different packages break and see (and smell) some awful liquids leak out.

>You pat Derpy softly on the head and lean down to look her in the eyes...Well the one that is not currently orbiting around in it's socket anyway and smile.

How would you like to spend a night with your favorite human at the park? We can get together after your shift and just watch Luna paint the night sky for us.

>She looks like she is about to burst and seems to vibrating somehow..oh that is just the dildo in stuck in her wings. "Of course, Anon!" She always had something of obsession with you because of the whole being different like her thing.

>You just found it creepy as fuck and the last time you hung out she managed to break every piece of furniture in your house just by looking at it.

>Hugging her gently, you try your best not to catch whatever made her this way and wave her off to her next task of trying to convince Rarity that the dress she just poured some kind of bleach on was still salvgable.