With the on-field product being a little sub-par at Citi Field, it is now time we turn our attention to the stuff the Mets are giving away for free this season. Like most people, I am a sucker for free giveaways. If you need proof, look how people react to the Pepsi Patrol’s T-Shirt Cannons. Here is the official 2014 Mets Promotional Schedule.

The Mets will usually add a few promotions during the year (especially if the team is struggling), but these power rankings will just take into account the ones that were scheduled at the beginning of the season.

Wireless Phone Stand- Maybe the most worthless thing in the world. Actually, probably the most worthless thing in the world.

Austin Mahone Postgame Concert- There is a chance I am making myself look completely out of touch by not knowing who Austin Mahone is, but I am going to say he sucks and this concert will be more of a nightmare than a Braden Looper relief appearance.

Shirt (Design TBA)- Putting this way down the list just because I have no damn idea what it is going to look like.

White NY Mets Shirt– Pretty bland shirt, likely will be the worst of the Free Shirt Friday deals. The fact it has an actual design gives it the nod over the previous shirt.

Loom Bandz– A good idea for kids who use the Rainbow Loom. Utterly crap for people who don’t (anyone over the age of 8). I feel bad for the people who will have to clean these off of the Citifield floor after the game is over.

Blue NY Mets Shirt– The design is wayyyy too busy.

NY Mets Green And Orange Shirt– Not a huge fan at all, but would have to see it in person before I dropped it any lower.

Dads And Kids Caps- Not as good as hooking up the ladies with some fresh gear on Mother’s Day, but a nice gesture nonetheless. Only problem is kids usually don’t want to be seeing wearing the same stuff as their dad.

Gray NY Mets Shirt– Pretty plain like the white shirt, but at least gray adds in some sort of flair.

Mets Recyclable Tote Bag– Recyclable in spirit, ironically will be thrown in the garbage by 80% of fans on their way out of the stadium.

Dunkin Donuts Gift Card- Probably about $5, so can’t go wrong with free money. However, the Dunkin Donuts in NYC offer some of the worst service in the free world. Buyer beware.

Mom And Kids Shirts– Can’t go wrong giving out some shirts with a pink logo for the ladies in our lives. Sneaky moves by 1-800-FLOWERS sponsoring it, though. Now you almost HAVE to buy flowers, which are nice but not the most practical gift. Toy Truck- I’d say this would be fun for the kids to get, but plenty of older Mets fans will clearly get some secret joy out of this.

Orange Los Mets Shirt– Orange shirts are a little much for my liking and having a shirt in Spanish just seems a little odd for me.

Blue Mets Target Shirt– Decent shirt for law enforcement day, even if it seems a little Wal-Martlike.

Bark In The Park Mug– I figure all dog lovers will appreciate this. Can’t go wrong with adding another coffee mug to the collection.

Curtis Granderson Poster- Hopefully he’s batting in the mid .200s with a bunch of dingers by the time this giveaway happens.

Batting Practice Cap- Free hats usually are better in thought than execution. I imagine this will be the same. Adjustable hat plastered with a big corporate logo.

Fireworks Night #2- One of the fireworks nights will not be as good as the other, so I am going to pick the one that is likely to be a colder night.

Lunch Cooler Bag- Think of all the things you could put in it.

Grandy Grandy Grandy Shirt– I love this shirt as much as I love the Grandyman. However, this shirt can become a functional rag if he keeps piling up the Ks while ignoring the HRs.

Replica Batting Helmet- This will be extremely entertaining to see, with everyone wearing their helmets. May even get some use for a little while once it gets home, but destined for being lost in the garage for 5+ years.

2015 Magnetic Schedule- Not sure if looking at the Mets schedule for an entire winter would end up being a good thing or a bad thing. It’s kind of like staring at a guillotine.

2014 Mets Calendar– I am usually a fan of having a good calendar, but if you haven’t gotten one by April, you probably aren’t going to need one. Plus at least half of the players on the calendar won’t be on the team by December.

Shea Stadium 50th Anniversary Canvas Print– Something about this being on a canvas print makes it just seem fancier. But can you really have an anniversary for a stadium that been demolished? Just seems weird.

NY Skyline Shirt– Solid design on this one. I still don’t know why the Mets didn’t make some sort of an open room where you could see the NY skyline at Citifield. It’s only the centerpiece of their effing logo.

Fireworks Night- Fireworks shows at baseball stadiums usually live up to the hype. While we are talking about fireworks, why do people record fireworks shows on their phones instead of just watching/enjoying them live? Always drives me nuts.

David Wright Poster– A poster of the poster boy next door. Cannot go wrong with this one.

Irish Mr. Met Shirt– Love this one. Anything with Mr. Met is gold, let alone a leprechaun version of him. A potential staple for getting drunk in every St. Paddys Day.

Empire State Building Shirt– I have to admit, I dig this shirt. A little bit of Batman/Gotham vibe going on with the Mets logo playing the role of the Bat signal.

Huey Lewis & The News Postgame Concert- The Patrick Bateman special. Gonna be a very interesting crowd, for sure. Definitely should be a blast though. Nothing like pregaming for a Huey Lewis concert at a Major League Baseball game.

Nolan Ryan Bobblehead– I love bobbleheads and Nolan Ryan is the god damn man. But the Mets getting rid of him at such a young age is kind of a black eye for the franchise. I can’t say I’d proudly display this trinket with pride in the man cave.

2014 Mets Magnetic Schedule– I ranked this pretty high because getting the magnetic schedule on Opening Day is kind of a fan’s badge of honor and proof of being there.

50 Cent Postgame Concert- Somehow would have loved this concert even more if he had only released “Get Rich Or Die Tryin”. Newer stuff isn’t as good, but still would be a decent concert to hit up. Loses points for every G-Unit member that has a set.

Bartolo Colon Poster- I haven’t seen the poster, but it is guaranteed to be a 100 on the Unintentional Comedy Scale.

Casey Stengel Bobblehead- Solid historically, since Casey was a hell of a character in Mets history. He still is much more of a Yankees icon and had a terrible Win/Loss record in Queens.

David Wright Canvas Print- Again, I imagine the canvas print makes this a pretty decent give-away. If you do not love David Wright that means you do not love America, which in turn means you do not love baseball. Which leads me to ask, why are you even here?

Curtis Granderson Bobblehead- I’ve been a Grandy Fan since his Detroit days, so this may be higher for me than some of the haters who think he will be the next Jason Bay.

Red, White, And Blue Logo Shirt– I was once asked if I had to get a tattoo, what would it be? I said I would get a Mets logo tattoo with the American flag as the color filling. It represents me as a New Yorker, Mets fan, and American. So this logo is the exact logo I dreamed up years ago as one of my favorite things in the world. So yeah, I love this shirt.

Zack Wheeler Fire Department Bobblehead– Amazing bobblehead, especially if you know a firefighter. Easily Top-5

Boyz II Men Postgame Concert- Anything that can get the ol’ Wifey more interested in going to a game than I am is cool with me. Lots of babies will be born 9 months after this concert, if you know what I mean.

Captain Wright Shirt– Best shirt of the season? Definitely. Best shirt of all-time? Umm…definitely.

And there you have it. There are actually some pretty decent promotions this year. If you can hit a few on the same night as a Wheeler/Syndergaard/Montero start, that’s killing a few birds with one stone. And if you go during a Colon start, you can get something for free along with a few laughs.