Chris Boniol went there: LA Tech in a Nutshell

UNINFORMED SMACK ::

La Tech is Spanish for "The Tech (feminine)." Now that we got the easy joke out of the way, let's move on with this week's hurricane-delayed Tailgate. I wrote an entire piece for the first game of the year, thank God none of that is usable because I really wanted to write another couple hundred words on Louisiana Tech.

Uninformed Smack: It's going to be difficult to make fun of the school that introduced the great Chris Boniol to the world, but I'm going to give it my best.

According to Wikipedia, the La Tech mascot is the Bulldog and they're coached by Sonny Dykes. Tech(Louisiana + Texas) = Too Much Tech. It says they won the WAC last year, which is impressive if you're in the Sun Belt or Division III. They have an active rivalry with the Bulldogs of Fresno State, which is called the "Battle for the Bone." I get it, dog jokes. Hilarious. Sounds like Lindsay Lohan's next straight-to-streaming-video blockbuster. I wouldn't recommend googling THAT particular phrase with safe search turned off. Or go right ahead. Whatever. It's your life.

Also according to Wikipedia, this is a good university. I had no idea they were the only Tier 1 university in the state of Louisiana's system. They also have a space grant. That's good stuff. I shall not mock the fact that good, educated people come out of this university. Congratulations to you, La Tech.

I will, however, submit this. Gentlemen, this is fine work. We've dipped our toes into the "make a funny youtube video" thing here at GBH and have had some success with it, but it's not this good. Seriously, they're sexy. They also know it. Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle. Yeah.

I don't know if dancing is enough to prepare that OL for Damontre' Moore. He's sexy and he knows it because a reporter openly hit on him in the second paragraph of an article. You can smell the tension in that paragraph. Damontre' will sack your QB a few times while texting your girlfriend. Oh, he good.

Terry Bradshaw went here, too. You remember that? Awesome.

I'm at the end of my space, so here's my prediction: Louisiana Tech will show up, WAC-off and die a miserable football death at the hands of Sumlin and the Aggies, who are looking to make a statement after escaping Ole Miss with a win in the 4th quarter. Oh, they mad. After the beating, the La Tech players will have a rough evening of trudging through their English assignment consisting of a 50 word report on "Green Eggs and Ham" (Spoiler: He ends up liking that shit. Blew my freaking mind, man.)

Manziel rattles off a better game than last week, meaning he doesn't turn the ball over three times and is responsible for 4 touchdowns, 120 yards rushing, 300 in the air, a life-saving Heimlich maneuver preformed on a fan in the first row and solving Cold Fusion by the end of the third quarter. Sumlin still doesn't let him talk to the media. You talk when Coach Damn says you're ready, son.

Ags 42 Tech (feminine) 30