I had to stop counting the days of my HRT for my mental health, honestly.

Idk, something about keeping a mental record was also allowing me to hold onto this “im blah blah days from being perceived as a guy” notion, reinforcing the thought that I was stepping out of being perceived by others as male, and into the perception of being female. But honestly, nah. Not only do I still regularly refer to myself as he/him but like, I generally am still perceived by others as both or at the very least, definitely queer. Which was what I wanted really, because HRT is just a part of my non-binary existence, it is not something exclusively for transgender people and it doesn’t make me trans.

I am trans because I feel gender fluid, I relate to being on a spectrum. But more importantly I am trans because I understand that allowing myself room to outgrow these terminologies, and become something completely different than what I am now, is important to my very existence. I just feel like, what a boring damn life to have to remain the same until the day I die. I have to give myself more freedom than that to exist.

I have to be able to change and become something or, someone mentally, emotionally and physically new. Change, growth, expansion of myself on all levels.

Speaking in terms of how I generally present, like the bigger my titts get and the longer my hair grows, the more I find my style leaning towards a very relaxed almost kind of tomboyish vibe. I think its just a side effect of getting used to my new body, and feeding it what it needs to complete this adult pubescent transformation. LOL.

At least, thats the best way I can describe it right now.



Xoxo

-Elliott Alexander