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To the millions of Springwatch viewers, presenter Chris Packham’s immense love for nature and wildlife will come as no surprise.

It is a passion, bordering on obsession, he has had since childhood and is evident in every show. But what he has kept secret from fans until now, is that his enthusiasm and fascination with the animal world is born from a lifelong struggle with ­Asperger syndrome, a form of autism.

And while he has detailed his joy at first discovering bugs, beetles, bats and birds in a new book about his childhood, he also reveals the terrible lows the condition drove him to. The TV host describes how he suffered depression and twice came within a hair’s breadth of taking his own life.

(Image: BBC)

And he reveals it was dogs – poodles Itchy and Scratchy – who saved him from suicide when he had sunk to his lowest ebb.

He says in the book: “They loved me so I couldn’t do it. They kept me alive. They did. I owe them my life. I always will.”

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(Image: Blue Cross)

The autism, which he has never before talked about publicly, has defined his entire life. From a bullied childhood to an ­obsessive personality which manifested in endless solitary expeditions into the natural world, he documents the extreme highs and lows of his struggle with the condition.

Read more:Chris Packham on his love of dogs

Speaking for the first time about his suicidal feelings, which surfaced in 2003, Chris, 54, says: “Both times it was ­precipitated by losing my dog.” The pet in question was a one-year-old called Fish.

In the book – Fingers in the Sparkle Jar – he reveals the only reason he did not go through with it was because he knew he would not succeed in taking an overdose. Just a few months later, when the terrible depression had failed to lift, he again felt he couldn’t go on.

(Image: BBC)

By then, however, his long-term partner Charlotte Corney had bought him Itchy and Scratchy which proved to be a life-saving move.

He has even dedicated his book to them.

Remembering the day that sparked his decline, Chris says: “I hadn’t made any mental ­preparation for losing Fish. The whole episode was like some ghastly movie. I’d been to the ­football, the dog was in the car and Charlotte said, ‘He loves you so much, he loves you more that I ever could and you love him more than you’ll ever love me.’

“It wasn’t a derogatory remark, she was just recognising the fact that we had this incredibly close bond.

“She dropped us off and within 10 minutes he’d been run over and he died in my arms. And everything fell apart really, that’s the bottom line.

“It was horrendous, the whole process of him dying and having to bury him. It was a mirror image of what had happened with the bird.”

(Image: Eyevine)

He is talking about kestrel Tem, which a teenage Chris had raised from a fledgling after taking him from a nest. He says “every minute was magical”. But at 14, Chris ­discovered in the toughest way that he had no capacity for coping with the death of his pets. When Tem died of a mystery disease, Chris was rendered mute by the shock, unable to speak for days.

He says: “The problem was there was all that trauma, nothing was ever done about it. Counselling would have helped but it was the 70s, we just carried on.”

(Image: Eyevine)

For decades afterwards he remained unable to process his loss. He adds: “I never dealt with it. It was never sorted.”

Fish’s death years later brought back all those old feelings, leaving Chris suicidal. He says: “It was very real, there was no doubt I would have done it. If I’d had enough pills I’d have done it and then if the dogs hadn’t been there I’d have done it.”

Thankfully, he recovered enough to know he needed professional help, seeing a psychotherapist for two years. Chris adds: “I had to build a ­framework so that when it does happen again, something will die, that’s just the way life is, I can deal with it.”

The therapy was enormously beneficial, he feels. Itchy and Scratchy are now 13 and Chris knows they can’t last for ever. But he’s confident he can cope.

(Image: Getty)

Fingers in the Sparkle Jar charts his life from six to 16 and shows his struggle to understand why he was different to others.

It describes how his condition, not ­recognised until adulthood, set him apart from other kids at school and his family. It was the reason behind his all-consuming interest in wildlife, which led him to spend hours on solitary forays around suburban Southampton in the 60s and 70s.

Chris says: “It’s confusing. You just think you’re like everyone else. Early on I’d play football and ride bikes with the other kids, but by the time I got to adolescence I didn’t really want to be involved with anyone of my own age at all.”

He knows these days his Asperger’s would have been picked up at school. But with little known about it in the 70s, he was simply a “freak” to be bullied and beaten.

One of his classic traits was to always be honest – even when not appropriate. Chris adds: “One guy had a girlfriend and ­everything I told him was true… she did have BO. He punched me in the mouth.”

By the time he’d finished school, with a record 13 O-levels, the separation from his peers was pretty much complete.

(Image: Rex)

He says the realisation he had autism only dawned in 1995 when, aged 34, he wrote a list of the typical traits of the ­condition. A medically minded girlfriend agreed he “ticked all the boxes” with his honesty, retentive memory, monologues on favourite subjects, not looking strangers in the eye and endless collections.

After university, where he withdrew totally into himself, he set about making changes to his behaviour, such as training himself to look people in the eye.

It was his younger sister, dress designer Jenny Packham, who encouraged him to audition for The Really Wild Show, launching his hugely successful career.

Chris harbours no bitterness. Rather, his memoir is a celebration of his extraordinary and unconventional life. He does not blame his dad Colin and late mum Rita in the least for not knowing about autism.

He says: “My parents were remarkably supportive, neither they nor anyone else at that time would have known what to do. They bought me books, took me to the library, the zoo, art galleries and museums. They really put up with a lot… and listened to all my garbage for years.”

Chris is adamant the joy he experienced with the natural world outweighs the downsides. And the BBC star, back with Springwatch in May, is well aware that the kid in the book would be flabbergasted by just how well things eventually panned out.

He adds: “Don’t ever think there’s one iota of self pity. There isn’t.

“I grew up in a three-up, three-down looking at National Geographic. Three weeks ago I was ­swimming with sperm whales in the Indian Ocean. I wouldn’t change a thing.”

Fingers in the Sparkle Jar by Chris Packham, Ebury Press, £20, hardback.

Whatis Asperger syndrome?

Asperger syndrome, a form of autism, affects how a person makes sense of the world, processes information and relates to other people.

It is a lifelong condition and may cause difficulties in three main areas: social communication, including struggling to interpret facial expressions; difficulty understanding a joke; and social interaction, such as being unable to pick up social cues and problems with imagining alternative outcomes to a situation.

People with Asperger syndrome are often of average, or above average, intelligence and with the right support can lead full and independent lives.

If you are having suicidal thoughts, you can call Samaritans in the UK on 116 123.