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Prepare for battle and clog your arteries in the name of Swadia with this delicious take on a hot buttered rum.

You’ll need

2oz rum

2 tbsp rum batter (see below)

Hot water

Add the rum and batter to your vessel. Top with hot water. Stir with a cinnamon stick and serve.

How to make the Hot Buttered Rum Batter

Add 1 cup butter, 1 cup brown sugar and 1 cup white sugar to a saucepan. Heat gently and mix until combined. Slowly add 2 cups cream, stirring briskly until combined. Add a tablespoon of cinnamon and a tablespoon of nutmeg. Stir and remove from heat. Allow to cool. Chill or freeze.

“After consulting with the peers of the realm, King Harlaus has decided to confer every fief in the kingdom on King Harlaus.” – Mount & Blade, every damn game.

Feasting and King Harlaus: name a more iconic duo. Don’t worry. I’ll wait.

King Harlaus has a bad reputation. While war rages all around him, he’ll happily feast while the peasants starve and the enemies throw boulders at his walls. There’s only one thing that will ever get him to stop choking down enormous turkey legs and swilling down red wine. When his butter vats are empty.

For those who are wondering what on Earth I’m talking about, I’ll break down this very outdated meme. In Mount & Blade, Harlaus is the king of Swadia. Swadia is in the middle of the map, so it gets attacked – a lot. This makes Harlaus’ vassals angery, so Harlaus throws a lot of feasts, sometimes even during a war. In fact, it’s not unknown that he will throw a feast and invite the player to a place that is under siege.

Combine that with the fact that Swadian villages are filled with butter if you have a certain popular modpack installed, and suddenly King Harlaus has a new title: Butterlord. So I’ve gone ahead and made a drink that would fit perfectly at his table, featuring that most precious yellow substance right at it’s heart.

Looking for another warming tipple? Try Siegbrau from Dark Souls.

People with too much knowledge (and too much cholesterol too, most likely) will recognise this drink as a Hot Buttered Rum: a drink with a surprisingly long history that takes all the goodness of a cookie and makes it alcoholic.

It’s rich, it’s spicy, it’s damnably simple to make, and best of all, it’s incredibly bad for you. Cocktails in general do not have a reputation for being healthy, but this drink could clog the arteries of a blue whale. But the whale would die happy, because it’s damnably delicious at the same time.

The recipe up above is designed for a small number of portions, but it’s absolutely designed to be scaled up to full feast levels. Give it a try, and if you like what you taste, make sure to share it around all your vassals: it’s a tonic for instant loyalty. Cheers!

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