New Zealand. A recent survey of software languages has revealed that every single one of them is sick to the back teeth of Python telling them it’s better than everything else for everything.

Python, the most recent most popular programming language that will die in a few years time, has somehow managed to culture a following of developers who react to it with religious zeal. Called Pythonistas within the Python religion, they are generally referred to as “pricks” by everyone else.

“It’s bullying, quite frankly” said Perl, a language once popular amongst developers. “I basically can’t go out now. As soon as I step outside of the house, a Pythonista/prick starts shouting in my ear about how shit I am. It’s really disturbing”.

“I can’t believe they think they’re better than me at visualisation” said R. “I mean, of course internally I am a mess, but my graphs are infinitely beautiful and you can just do so much more in me than you can do in Python. And I don’t have problems with versions” R finished, sarcastically.

“Fuck Python, they don’t have Rails!” was all Ruby had to say, whilst a collective known as the C-mafia, representing C, C++ and C# just laughed in our faces when we mentioned Python as a serious programming language.

The ScienceWeb tried to call Java, but no-one was home.