STEAM ALL THE THINGS

Got a floor full of dust mites watching your every move? STEAM IT!

Mattress covered in bacteria after a wild Science Fair afterparty? STEAM IT!

Ceiling of your new house covered in sticky stains that the previous owner could not - or would not - explain? STEAM IT!

Curtains visibly depressed? STEAM IT!

Couch reek of crack smoke that you never noticed when you were regularly using, but that you can’t not notice now? And the smell is making you really want to smoke some crack? STEAM IT!

Wood floor look like you spill whale oil on it regularly, even though it was just that one time? STEAM IT!

Imitation zebra rug starting to smell like a real zebra? STEAM IT!

Kitchen counter getting cocky and need to be reminded who’s boss around here? STEAM IT!

Throw pillow coated in allergens by your enemies? STEAM IT!

Fleshy folds of your body starting to have that not-so-fresh feeling? TAKE A SHOWER REGULARLY! YOU CAN’T USE THIS STEAMER ON YOUR SKIN! HOW LAZY ARE YOU ANYWAY?!