You know what, Stuart, I LIKE YOU. You're not like the otherPeople, here, in the trailer park.Oh, don't go get me wrong. They're fine people, they'reGood Americans. But they're content to sit back, maybeWatch a little Mork and Mindy on channel 57, maybe kickBack a cool, Coors 16-ouncer. They're good, fine people,Stuart. But they don't know ... what the queers are doingTo the soil!You know that Jonny Wurster kid, the kid that delivers papersIn the neighborhood. He's a foreign kid. Some of the neighborsSay he smokes crack, but I don't believe it.Anyway, for his tenth birthday, all he wanted was a Burrow Owl.Kept bugging his old man. "Dad, get me a burrow owl. I'll neverAsk for anything else as long as I live." So the guyBreaks down and buys him a burrow owl.Anyway, 10:30, the other night, I go out in my yard, and there'sThe Wurster kid, looking up in the tree. I say, "What areYou looking for?" He says "I'm looking for my burrow owl."I say, "Jumping Jesus on a Pogo Stick. Everybody knowsThe burrow owl lives. In a hole. In the ground. Why the hell do youThink they call it a burrow owl, anyway?" Now Stuart, do youThink a kid like that is going to know what the queers areDoing to the soil?I first became aware of this about ten years ago, the summerMy oldest boy, Bill Jr. died. You know that carnival comes intoTown every year? Well this year they came through with a rideCalled The Mixer. The man said, "Keep your head, and arms, insideThe Mixer at all times." But Bill Jr, he was a DAAAREDEVIL, justLike his old man. He was leaning out saying "Hey everybody,Look at me! Look at me!" Pow! He was decapitated! They foundHis head over by the snow cone concession.A few days after that, I open up the mail. And there's a pamphletIn there. From Pueblo, Colorado, and it's addressed to Bill, Jr.And it's entitled, "Do you know what the queers are doing to ourSoil?"Now, Stuart, if you look at the soil around any large US city,There's a big undeground homosexual population. Des Moines, Iowa,For an example. Look at the soil around Des Moines, Stuart.You can't build on it; you can't grow anything in it. The governmentSays it's due to poor farming. But I know what's really going on,Stuart. I know it's the queers. They're in it with the aliens.They're building landing strips for gay Martians, I swear toGod.You know what, Stuart, I like you. You're not like the otherPeople, here in this trailer park.