We don't need a study to tell us that people get stressed out during the holidays, but they’ve done one anyway.

This time of year, we are treated to all sorts of advice on how to deal with all the seasonal stress. For me, it’s really just about being aware of the way I’m thinking about it.

So much of Christmas is about memory. As adults we strive to bring the magic of the holiday we remember as children to the present, because we want our kids to experience that same magic. This can be a difficult task because of the way memory works. Think back on your Christmases past. If you’re like me, you’ll have flashes of memories: opening presents, sitting by the fire on Christmas Eve, caroling around the neighborhood -- all the good times.

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Trying to recreate the ideal Christmas for your family can be frustrating, because we live in something called “the real world.”

I’m thinking back to last Christmas when my kids were fighting over the instructions for a toy and generally acting in a not-so-nice way towards each other. It was just a bit of common misbehavior, nothing out of the ordinary, but I remember thinking “We can’t have this, guys! It’s Christmas!”

Rather than compare this little moment on December 25th to the way my kids (and most kids) behave every day of the year, I was comparing it to the memories of Christmas I had in my head (selective memories to be sure.)

After all, there were five kids in our family and I’m sure every Christmas Day was filled with mayhem, arguments, whining and complaining. But I don’t remember any of that, I just remember the good times.

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So that’s something to remember during the holidays. There is an impulse to try to create the perfect day but there’s no such thing. The holidays are as messy as every other day and sometimes they end up even messier because you’re trying to live up to something that looks, as the song says, “nearly like a picture print from Currier and Ives.”

Remember, no Christmas is perfect, even the first one. I seem to remember Jesus, Mary and Joseph had no place to sleep. Compare your Christmas to theirs and I’m sure you’ll find a lot to be grateful for.

To read more from Tom Shillue, click here.