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Might want to save that last one for the player's handbooks.

For instance, in their handbook, the Bills' cheerleaders (the *ugh* Jills) are told in excruciating detail how and when to put in a tampon. It tells them what size they need to get, and how to clean their vaginas afterwards. It's almost as if the organization recruits their cheer squad from a talent pool of girls who spent the last six years screaming, "Blood!? Blood! Why!?" from forgotten prison cells:

12. When menstruating, use a product that's right for your menstrual flow. A tampon too big can irritate and develop fungus. A product left in too long can cause bacteria or fungus buildup. Products can be changed at least every four hours. Except when sleeping, they can be left in for the night.

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Besides the impossible number of menstruation tips, the ... sigh ... "Jills" have 15 "glamour requirements" that forbid tattoos, two-toned hair, trendy roots, non-ear piercings, and penciled-on eyebrows. And if you're going to wear hair extensions, no one had better goddamn see those hair extensions. It sounds like being a Jill is about as demeaning as sitting on pudding for webcam subscribers -- and it pays way, way less.

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Plus, you're forced to watch the goddamn Bills.

The guide gives tips on addressing the handicapped, table etiquette, and changing your underpants after a workout. And unless you were raised by wolves without books or television, it wobbles between obvious and insulting: