“Come in!

The famed, boggy soils of Scotland produce distinctive wines with short, almost brutal finishes, and an acrid, musty nose that is often compared to the attic of a serial killer. Such popular varietals as grenache, garnay, tokay and St. Andrew’s flax struggle to survive in the admixture of rock, decaying tree branches and ossified Viking bones that make up the terroir of Scotland’s principal growing region, Lraichmuggle. The vicious, salty winds that whip across the North Sea and The Minch contribute to the grapes’ characteristic low sugar-content and meager flavors.

The White Wines of Scotland

Hosted by World Famous Sommelier, Sir Robert Carlock

Featured Wines:

[Gair] Loch Vinyards 2008 Pinot [UNCLEAR]- Rated 25 points by Wine Spectator, [Gair] Loch’s latest vintages evokes hints of [must] and organ meats. Serve very well chilled.

North [unclear] “Chardonnay”- Not technically a Chardonnay but rather a blended whiskey with some apple juice in it.

MacKenzie 2013 Rose- Buy it now before it turns into the vinegar it is intended to be! Pairs well with a need to [unclear] oneself to [gods] before [primitive] surgery or while working as a lighthouse keeper.

[Unclear] 2009 Sparkling Wine- Why this wine, which did not undergo a secondary fermentation, has bubbles in it remains a mystery. Must be served in a lead glass.

Orksey Vale 2008 [Liedfremmachk]- fortified with [unclear] in the Greek Roman tradition, this attempt at a German blended wine is [unclear] of [superfluous] spices with a strong finish that evokes deep childhood fears. Last place at numerous international wine festivals.

Wine Tasting Today!”

30 Rock S4 Ep15 Don Geiss, America and Hope

Context: Liz Lemon seeks to tell insufferable Englishman Wesley Snipes in person that she is not going to settle and marry him, and knows he wouldn’t miss a tasting of the white wines of Scotland. (Wesley: “Most restaurants refuse to serve them.”)

edit: I did my best to transcribe from a blurry screencap, but some words I just couldn’t figure out. These are marked with brackets, and may be incorrect, or completely missing. My apologies to the writers of 30 Rock if I got anything wrong!