Millions of people across the world have now switched to panic buying curry to help get through all the fucking toilet paper they’ve hoarded.

Vindaloos are proving to be particularly popular with panicked shoppers who are now faced with the challenge of using over a hundred toilet rolls as quickly as possible.

‘I have to admit, I went a little overboard with stocking up on toilet paper. I bought so many packs that I’m not even sure how many I have. I could dish a few out to vulnerable neighbours, but the important thing to remember is that these loo rolls are MINE. I bought them, fair and square.

‘Now I’m buying up every jar, packet and box of ready-made curry. I’m stocking up on spices too so I can make my own. It’ll be curry for every meal and then no-one can accuse me of buying more toilet paper than I need,’ said one eager shopper.

Medical experts are actually on board with this strategy as anyone who eats nothing but curry will have their guts force them to go into self-isolation.

‘Or at the very least, no-one else will want to be anywhere near them,’ said Dr Bhaji.