It’s that time again. It’s time for those news headlines that make you say “Really?” This week I bring you a business that wasn’t prepared, a retirement community gone wild, and an idea that fell short. These stories make me question the mindset of the people involved. Oh, what it would be like to hear some of their thoughts. We all have to die at some point and when we do, our families trust the people who have the final care of our bodies. People are dying since people have been breathing so you would think that after all this time that the “aftercare professions” would be prepared for whatever and whoever comes into their care. Apparently, this is not always the case. Joanne Cummings, a funeral director in Australia had to keep the body of a man in her hearse overnight because the morgue refused to take the body. Why, you ask, would a morgue not take a body? Well, because the man weighed 441 pounds and the morgue said that he was “too fat, he can’t go in the fridge.” After driving the body back to her home, two hours away, she turned up the air in the hearse and went out every half hour to check on the body. The next morning, Joanne hired a sea container with an air unit that is usually used for transporting large animals. She reported that this was not the first time that the Hedland Health Campus had refused to take an over-weight body. “I could probably put a baby elephant in one of those fridges and it’d fit through the door, and they’re refusing entry for a human being,” Joanne told the North West Telegraph newspaper. Not only is this disrespectful to the family of the deceased, but it shows the true nature of this particular hospital. I cannot believe that a morgue is not equipped for all body types. Australia must not have too many fast food joints.

If you are searching for a retirement community for your parents or grandparents, don’t send them to The Villages in Sumter County, Florida unless you want them to catch something. The Villages are Florida’s “Friendliest Retirement Hometown”. So friendly that two of the residents were charged with indecent exposure and disorderly conduct after being caught having sex in the square of the community. “All of the women work hard to look good… Turn your back for a minute and someone will try to steal your husband,” said resident Belinda Beard. The Villages have become so well known for their partying ways that the local bar serves a “Sex on the Square” cocktail. It was reported that this retirement community has had problems in the past with misconduct and STD’s. I guess it goes to show that age is just a number and that you can party long after your prime.

I’ve heard it said that you can get any kind of drug easier in jail that you can on the street. Inmates are always inventing new and improved ways to smuggle drugs and other things into prisons. Sometimes these ideas work and get passed from inmate to inmate throughout the years, but some of them fail so miserably that they become the laughing stock for years to come. For Christen Moore, 22, of Jackson, Michigan he landed himself in jail instead of the drugs. Moore tried to throw a football loaded with drugs and a cell phone over the fence into the yard of the state prison. When the throw fell short, he was arrested and arraigned on contraband charges. Michigan State Trooper Toby Baker said that the football contained heroin, marijuana, tobacco, three cell phones, and chargers. Was this an extra large football because I can’t picture a standard football holding three cell phones much less a variety of drugs and phone chargers? Damn, maybe I should turn a football into a purse if it has that much room! Lesson at hand… Never throw a drug filled football into a prison yard unless you have an arm like AJ McCarron or Johnny Manziel. Yes, I am a college football fan. Well, one thing is certain, Christen Moore will never be trusted as the outside supplier again. Maybe his supplier will try to bounce a basketball over the fence.

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