I’m sure you can figure it out from the title but I was recently sucked into the recent dating craze … Tinder! If you’re living under a rock, Tinder is a mobile app that presents you with women (or men) based on your specified mileage radius and age range. You land on someone’s profile (for lack of a better term) and you’re presented with a handful of pictures and a paragraph or two they may have entered about themselves. What next, you ask. Well, you then swipe them left or right, swipe them right and you have a chance to be matched up with them, swipe them left and you never see their profile again. The fun in all this is that you’re only allowed to chat with other users that also swiped right to your profile. This is where things get exciting (or dreadful)!

Let me preface this post by saying I’m a man in my mid/late 20’s, I’m single, I’m gainfully employed, and I’m in very good shape and make a point to take care of myself. I stand about 6’2 and weigh 215 lbs, I played football in college and continue to workout quite often. I’ve had pretty solid success with women throughout my teenage years and throughout my 20’s; I’ve had a handful of long term relationships that fizzled out for whatever reasons and this eventually led to a few friends and I all deciding to give Tinder a try. I’ve now been using Tinder for about a month, allow me to tell you about this month.

I noticed a common theme when viewing women’s profiles on Tinder that can be summed up in the following way: I never realized how superficial women really are. This obviously doesn’t apply to every profile I looked at but I couldn’t believe some of the stuff I was reading. Many of the women make note of their height (there’s also a lot of tall women on Tinder) which in their brains is a very sly way of saying you must be this tall to ride this ride. Men, don’t forget to add 3-4 inches for when they want to wear heels. Ladies, just come out and say, ‘hey I enjoy wearing heels, if you’re not at least ‘this tall’ then I don’t see it working out’. To you tall guys, don’t go thinking you’ve just hit the Tinder jackpot, most of the profiles I viewed stated this particular girl was ‘athletic’ (wearing yoga pants to Starbucks is apparently athletic now) and wouldn’t settle for anything less than a healthy, fit, athletic guy. I tried giving the ladies the benefit of the doubt on this one but apparently they’re only interested in men that hit the genetic jackpot.

I soon noticed a common trend while swiping through pictures: group pic, group pic, group pic, group pic, etc. Really? Remember ladies, we automatically assume you’re the ugliest one in the group which is what I refer to as the MUF (Mandatory Ugly Friend), every group has one. These same girls who need an athletic and fit man are kind enough to let us play the ol’ guessing game. Group pics, that’s not so bad you’re saying … well it gets worse. I then noticed too many profiles that were nothing but headshots. You can’t see anything below the neck. PSA to you females: when we see this we automatically assume you’re pushing 2 bills! Yes, we’re men, we’re visual creatures, but we’re not dumbasses.

Next, there’s the career woman on Tinder! It must be my lucky day, I just got matched with a lawyer on Tinder! Wrong … any of you ever dated a ‘career-woman’? These women are always ‘SO SUPER-BUSY’ and MIGHT be able to make time for you if you play your cards right. I had a 2 year relationship with a ‘career woman’ yet she was the perfect definition of DRAMA. This woman was catty as can be, god forbid anyone else other than her received a promotion in her department. The career-woman will peak in her early-mid 30’s so if you’re patient you’ll have no problem reeling this one in once the years have taken their toll. Guys, do yourselves a favor and skip this one!

Gentlemen, don’t all women claim they don’t want your typical ‘bro’, douche bag, meathead, etc? Well, women are full of shit. I have some pics of myself posted with my shirt off and I lost count of how many women commented on my physique then asked for my number … women are liars. They’re just as visual as us guys. Gentlemen, moving forward, wear clothes that properly fit your body. If you haven’t done so already, read up on proper fit for pants, suits, etc.

In brief, women are just like us guys. You get their attention with what’s on the surface; you hold their interest with your money and character. Remember, above all else, you’re in control.