Having a 327-acre test track allows Consumer Reports to conduct all sorts of performance comparisons not available on public roads. The most recent example: testing the outer limits of the certifiably insane 691-hp Tesla Model S P85D and the patently ridiculous 707-hp Dodge Challenger Hellcat.

But it’s far more than just a 2.6-mile test track we have at our disposal. We have world-class drivers and scads of instrumentation that would make an automaker’s R&D chief nod in approval, as they routinely do. (Learn how Consumer Reports tests cars.)

Recently, we decided to test our own P85D against a rented Challenger Hellcat, courtesy of the speed freaks in Chrysler’s SRT performance division. If you need the finish-line results right now, you can cut straight to our video above or scope our data tables below. But if you want to hear about the sensation behind the wheel, read on.

What did we find? Horsepower simply doesn’t tell the story. This is beyond horsepower for horsepower’s sake. Remember the new, more powerful Porsche 911 that we raved about just a few months ago? That’s a legitimate, proper sports car. But it has just half the horsepower of either of these cars.

So which of these socially inappropriate cars delivers the most screech for the shekel? The most zoom for the zloty?