by Beau Hebert

Dear The Beauster,

I was recently at a party where I was nearly crucified for questioning the wisdom of some of the Seattle City Council’s newly proposed tax measures. I am a registered Democrat and consider myself quite Liberal, but apparently not Liberal enough for Seattle. Despite the fact that I have an MBA and a strong understanding of economics, should I keep my mouth shut on these issues to avoid being likened to Donald Trump and persecuted by Honey Badger Progressives?

Sincerely,

Liberal, but not Liberal enough for Seattle

Dear L but not L enough for S,

Your sentiment, I reckon, would resonate with many thousands of moderate Seattle Liberals who, like myself, are dismayed by our city’s “Honey Badger” brand of Progressive politics. So to you I say: Speak boldly and with confidence! Shout your message loud at the shores of Elliot Bay, off the side of the Aurora Bridge, and from the tippy-tip-tip of our iconic Space Needle.

Our city leaders seem to have become estranged from their actual elected function, which is to enact and carefully manage the will of the citizenry. Policies that directly affect our lives are being shoved through by mandate rather than a vote of the people, and they seem driven more by a zealotry to gain national spotlight than as a benefit to those required to fund them.

To our city leaders I say this: Please, better manage the billions of dollars already in the coffers instead of dreaming up exotic new tax laws, penalizing employers and homeowners and commuters and the middle class and the upper class and the lower class, landlords, pet owners, students, teachers, preachers, the self-employed, un-employed, and under-employed.

Approach your jobs as if you were penny-pinching grandmothers from the Great Depression. Please, respect our money as the treasure of our flesh, our toil, our blood, our sweat, our tears. Don’t be so blithe with it. Quit eating steak and lobster every day.

Roast a chicken and reserve its bones for stock. Not every idea you mandate from behind your tax-payer-funded desk is a piece of visionary “Progressive” genius worthy of million-dollar studies, sub-committees, oversight committees and tax legislation. Please, meet us somewhere in the middle…of the Far Left, not at this radical fringe where Progressivism bleeds into Totalitarianism.

Wait until you’ve made significant headway on traffic, public safety, and the homelessness crisis before creating new tax measures to fund your pet policies. Please recognize that when the environment for local businesses becomes so antagonistic that they can no longer survive, those businesses, and the jobs they provide, will disappear; the distinct identities of our neighborhoods will atrophy and our city will become more generic. Please – pretty please with sugar on top – put the actual interests of the citizens of Seattle over your own personal agendas.

Yes, sir! That’s what I’d say to them, all right! Unfortunately, I suspect that, like YouTube sensation The Honey Badger, they really don’t give a S___.

Overheard at the bar: Into cell phone: “I’m here waiting for my bros!”

Prescription from the back bar pharmacy at Jude’s Old Town: The Honey Badger Cocktail – Bourbon, Yellow Chartreuse, ginger sugar syrup, honey syrup, fresh lemon juice, lemon bitters, rosemary sprig.

Beau Hebert is the owner of Jude’s Old Town in Rainier Beach and Lottie’s Lounge in Columbia City.

Illustration by Lou Patnode