[Content note: suicide]

I have a serious and deadly mental illness that has already killed three of my family members via suicide. Lately, I’ve been having a rough time and needed a new therapist, so I contacted one who supposedly dealt with my specific issues.



When I met her for our first session, she seemed warm and supportive at first, but as we got into talking, somehow the issue of weight came up. This was after she knew that I was suicidal and had a family history of suicide. She asked me why I didn’t just lose weight (answer: because I don’t believe weight loss attempts are a healthy or worthwhile activity for me), and then boldly proclaimed, nearly shouting, “But you’re going to have a stroke!” She went on to blather, “I’m a medical person, you should trust me on this, blah blah blah.”



It felt like a slap in the face after I had told her so many personal and painful things about myself that are far more important than my weight. I made motions to leave and told her in no uncertain terms that I knew a lot about weight and health risk and that this was not a topic open for discussion. She backed down and I stayed the rest of the session, desperate to get some tools to deal with my suicidal thoughts and feelings.



Because of my mental illness, my risk of dying by suicide is statistically 1 in 10. According to the stroke risk calculator at Cleveland Clinic, my 10-year risk of stroke is 2 in 100. I do not have high blood pressure. I do not smoke. I do not have any risk factors for stroke, including family history, other than my weight.

This therapist had not asked me my risk factors for stroke, my family history of stroke or cardiovascular disease, nor had I presented to her asking about my risk of stroke or what to do about my weight. I showed up to see her because I am in acute danger of killing myself and badly need help. My suicidality has nothing to do with my weight.

She did, ultimately, give me some tips on how to deal with my feelings, and thankfully it was a free consultation. It took me a couple of weeks to work up the courage, but I finally went and found another therapist who was very supportive of my HAES stance and who is helping me to avoid killing myself without invoking the vague future health threat ™ of possible stroke.

Thin privilege is going to get assessed and treated for suicidal ideation and actually receiving that care without death threats related to your weight.