A conversation, according to Google, is a talk or exchange of news and ideas among two people. The most basic form of conversation is in the form of a questionnaire; where either or one of the two or more people asks and answer questions, preferably alternatively. Questions and answers are most likely to turn up as juxtaposition. Really complicated questions can have really simple answers, and vice versa is also obviously true. If you ask me, I like questions more than answers. Simply because Questions have the ability to start and further continue a conversation. Answers, on the other hand, have the tendency to stop a conversation just as much as they can continue it. They can be as abrupt as they can be detailed and novel-like.

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But just like a game of catch cannot go anywhere unless there are at least two people playing, catching the ball to throw it back at you, contributing equally. A conversation becomes static and stagnant if either side isn’t listening to what you have to say and responsive enough to keep the conversation going.

A good conversation is constructed by two people alternatively doing their tasks of speaking and listening/responding carefully. It is respectful, interesting and enriched with the content of knowledge that piques curiosities. The result of a conversation should always be people learning something new, either about the other person or about anything else, and the time spent in during that shouldn’t feel like an ultimate loss of their time and energy. If anything, a conversation should never be something that drains out your energy but, if not complete, then somewhat opposite of it.

But conversations can’t just be forced, you can’t keep being the one asking all the questions while the other person shuts them down with one-word answers, like you’re an interviewer stuck with a mean celebrity. Forcing somebody to talk to you only results in irritated responses that won’t do anything besides upsetting both the parties. There’s nothing that comes out of smothering something towards you when it wants to go as far away as possible.

The most basic, yet the most powerful component of a conversation is Words. Words said to oneself or others always have an impact. It has been proven in an experiment that words, positive or negative, have the respective impact on the recipient of the meaning of whatever is said to them and crystalizes a perception that affects behaviour, mood and beliefs. This power of words arises from our emotional reactions or attachment to when we hear or read certain words.

Words have such immense power that with the right words, a person with complete and total knowledge of nothing can pose as somebody with a master’s degree in psychology.

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A behavioural experiment called, “Illusion of Truth Effect’ proves that any statement, even a lie, read, seen or heard by us more than once will have a greater impact on us and will feel more valid to us than its true counterpart will have, which is only occasionally exposed to us.

It proves that even one repetition of a weak message sounds more believable than a strong one told once. Repetition increases the validation of the said statement in our minds. It’s like how we can easily sing along to a song we’ve listened to a number of times as compared to the song we just got a hold of.

The root of social anxiety is the way the meaning of a conversation is changing. People have shifted their motive of listening to somebody from actually being there for somebody by listening what they’re saying to hear them just so they can respond and may also try and overpower them with the response. People also tend to make comparisons with their upper hand in it, making it look like no matter how hard you try, their life will always be busier, or harder or more fun, whatever suits the situation.

Conversations which are moments of self-reflection can put us in jeopardy. They are the most vulnerable, with the equal probability of the talk being used as ammunition and motivation. These turn highly toxic when the two parties of the communication aren’t equally invested in it. Whilst one is venting in, the other is either too tired of the long rambling on or is just not interested in talking. With something like this, the latter is more likely to stick the former with classic shopworn tidbits like ‘let it go’ and ‘get over it.’ Unknown or careless about the fact that all it does is make the other feel like it’s their fault and it’s not okay to feel this way.

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Thanks to Spiderman, we’re well known to the fact that with great power comes great responsibility. We hold in our minds and as an extension our tongues, the power to break or make our case. Our choice of words creates a perception of us in the listener’s mind. For instance, the habit of softening our speech tends to make us sound likeable in front of people. But the use of the same kind of conversation style can make us sound gullible or can go on to make people not take us seriously.

A correct choice of words is the decision of the Wise. We tend to use certain words to apparently put force on our actions, but they end up doing more harm than good.

By certain words I mean, words like ‘Actually’ as in, “I actually disagree.” and ‘Just’ as in, “I just wanted to check in.” that are mere Self-diminishing qualifiers. The former makes you sound surprised to your disagreement with something and the latter makes you sound apologetic and defensive.

On somewhat similar pattern, questions like ‘Does that make sense to you?’ may have a good intention (of keeping a check on everybody amidst a conversation) behind it but it makes you come across as condescending and incoherent.

Choosing the right words at the right time is an art, that can only get better over time and under careful supervision as you go out and about in life. It’s more like a choice, like when at a crossroad with a mean comment in the shape of sarcasm and a softer more subtle criticism, consider the law of lesser evil and always remember You can catch more flies with Honey than you ever will with Vinegar.

Conversations should be light and successful, something that gets punctuated by a, ‘You know’ in the end. Something that doesn’t just make the other person agree with you but to make them shout “Same!” with sparkly eyes and give you a high five. Something that bridges the space between two coffee cups on a table, as crisp as the morning newspaper.