I can’t figure out how to tag in the browser but health, mental health, and death trigger warnings for the text below. I still hope you will read this though.

All that I want is to support my husband for protecting his family, however misguided his attempt was. He did the right thing for us and I will not waver on that, ever. Troy has been my constant rock and support and I plan on having his back forever, regardless of the situation. Because that is what family does. However, every time I opened my mouth to defend him, I make things worse, and I sincerely apologize for my outburst on the forums yesterday. I will not be returning to the THAC forums ever again. I have no desire to see my life up for debate by strangers. I did not sign up for that. It is a very hard thing having seemingly every part of your life visible to hundreds of people that you don’t know, and because for some reason I can’t seem to ignore people, it has taken a very hard toll on me and my mental health. I am in a state of constant anxiety, that has only been made worse with this fiasco and I need to distance myself from this situation.

As you may or may not know, I suffer from some severe post partum OCD and anxiety that makes itself known with near constant intrusive thoughts. I live in fear that something will hurt my family or my child and it is something I will probably never shake. Although I am properly medicated and making progress with it I still struggle. Right now I am having an especially hard time with it as my dad, the last one left of the family I had as a child has been diagnosed with cancer that has already spread to his lymph node. He has been the constant throughout my life and having to come to terms with the fact that he is vulnerable has been extremely hard on me. It has been my literal biggest fear for my entire life. I don’t think I have ever been so shaken.

I have also just been diagnosed with adenomyosis that from what I understand has a fairly decent chance of preventing my dream of having another child. It makes getting pregnant hard, and if I happen to get pregnant, the damage to my uterus will make it hard to carry the baby to term.

On top of these things I am getting on the internet and immediately seeing people attack my husband and I am at my wits end. What used to be a fun place for me, and a refuge, has turned toxic for me and I have no desire to expose myself to this anymore. So, to protect myself I have deleted the social media apps on my phone (not the accounts though) in an attempt to distance myself from this. I will still be able to check them via browser but not as often. This probably won’t be permanent. Just for a whole. I have made incredible friends here and through the thac/MH fandom that I am so grateful for. I would list you individually but I fear leaving someone out and hopefully you know who you are anyway.

I am so sorry that this is all happening. I love you guys. I just want this to be over.

11:39 am • 11 April 2016 • 25 notes