In what’s been a great development for butt-enjoyers everywhere, anal sex is now a lot less taboo than it used to be. For those with penises, it can be especially enjoyable, thanks to the special little walnut-shaped mass of nerves called the prostate situated under the bladder that you can “access” if you go in through the backdoor. Sometimes referred to as the “male G-spot” the prostate can deliver next-level orgasms when it’s properly stimulated. Science is currently trying to figure out why so-called prostate orgasms feel so intense—but, frankly, the why is unimportant. Let’s focus on the how.

Even though people have been sticking various and sundry items up their b-holes for centuries—google “Moche ceramics anal sex” or “ancient Rome butt stuff”—in more recent history, it hasn’t been as common for straight men to partake. So, I talked with Sex and Relationships coach Dr. Charlie Glickman, PhD, who literally wrote the book on prostate pleasure to explain just how to enjoy this under-appreciated erogenous zone. He says the most frequently asked questions he gets from straight men are: “Will it be painful?” “Will it be messy?” and “Does this make me gay?” We’ll get into this more later, but the answers to those burning questions are: it shouldn't be, not necessarily, and no, of course not.

Dr. Glickman's first point? Remember that you’re not filming a porno. Don’t try to emulate anything you’ve seen on Pornhub! You’re just asking to get hurt, and nothing is more discouraging than a supposedly pleasurable sex act that turns painful (assuming you’re going for pleasure, that is). Plus, porn stars are people who are likely having anal sex multiple times a week. And they are prepping for it—they’re just doing so off screen.

For the best chance at a life-changing, earth-quaking orgasm, he also recommends—seriously, listen to this—experimenting with butt play solo at first. For a couple reasons: The first is that it’s an opportunity to figure out what you like at your own pace, which will help you later communicate that to your partner. The second is that you can stop immediately once something becomes painful or uncomfortable. You don't have to worry about finding the right words to avoid killing the mood or discouraging your partner from ever trying this again.

Additionally, don't try to go from 0 to 60 in the beginning. Dr. Glickman recommends getting turned on using your go-to's, the things you already know you like. Not only does arousal cause the pelvic floor to relax, making anal entry easier, but “arousal changes where things land on the pleasure/pain spectrum.” Dr. Glickman explains, “things that feel amazing during sex, might not feel as good [while] reading an email from your boss.” Noted! Once you’ve figured out what it is you like up and around your butt, you can move onto more advanced play that might involve toys, or partners, or specific kinks. Just add new components one at a time. Like the act of anal itself, it’s important to go slowly.

Rimming

Ahhh, eating ass. It’s been around for ages—probably millennia; the Greeks were definitely giving rimmies. But only recently have people admitted to enjoying it. In 2015, Allison Williams and Girls got a lot of press for putting ass eating on the air and potentially more firmly on the map (although Woody Harrelson was also analingus-ing his young mistress in True Detective a year earlier, and there was a rimming scene in How to Get Away With Murder that year as well).