WASHINGTON—Realizing that he spent years fighting for the life of what turns out to be a “little fucking gremlin,” anti-abortion activist Logan Brecken, 24, had a change of heart Tuesday after seeing detailed photographs of a human fetus for the first time. “Oh, my God! I can’t believe I used to stand outside Planned Parenthood and chant ‘They have fingernails,’ because those are not cute little baby fingernails. Those are claws or some shit. I should’ve shouted ‘Gross! Kill it! Kill it!’” said the former pro-lifer, admitting he had always pictured an innocent human child in the womb, but now believes no good Christian would be opposed to killing something so obviously evil. “This gross little alien tadpole already has a heartbeat? That’s freaking terrifying. Is—is that a tail? Ew, ew, ew—the bumps on its spine, the weird-ass neck...The teeth, Jesus, the teeth. If my life began like that, I want to fucking kill myself. When I first heard about abortion, I thought it was pretty bad. Now, I’m not so sure. No way this thing has the right to live.” Brecken, however, has not softened his hardline stance against a woman’s right to choose, and now flatly states that abortion should simply be mandatory.

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