Here's something one typically doesn't want to hear from a septuagenarian: Larry King says performing stand-up comedy is orgasmic. Which explains why the veteran TV host embarked on an international stand-up comedy tour earlier this year. We took him at his word and did what we'd do with any comedian—played sleepover games with him.

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GQ: Okay: Fuck Marry Kill with Zsa Zsa Gabor, Elizabeth Taylor, and Liza Minnelli.

Larry King: Okay, now, this is do what? Have a what with them?

GQ: Either have sex with them, marry them, or kill them.

Larry King: Who was the first one?

GQ: Zsa Zsa Gabor, Elizabeth Taylor, Liza Minnelli.

Larry King: I mean, Elizabeth Taylor, all three. I would have had sex with her. Woulda married her. Wouldn't kill her. I would kill her with love. She was a good friend, too. I interviewed Zsa Zsa a lot, but Elizabeth leads the list. She is everything.

GQ: Would you rather pee in your pants on TV or drink a vial of Charlie Sheen's urine?

Larry King: Who made these up?

GQ: I did. Sorry, I didn't get much sleep last night.

Larry King: Pee in my pants on TV. I'm sitting. You wouldn't see it.

GQ: Another FMK: Wolf Blitzer, Anderson Cooper, Sanjay Gupta.

Larry King: And the three choices are again to what?

GQ: You can have sex with one, marry one, and kill one. And you have to assign one to each.

Larry King: Okay. Sex with Sanjay Gupta. He's the prettiest of the three. Kill Wolf Blitzer. Even though he's Jewish, the name sounds German. You have to kill the German when you're Jewish. So I'd marry who?

GQ: Anderson Cooper.

Larry King: Yes, I'd marry Anderson Cooper. That's logical.

GQ: Would you rather take a four-hour canoe trip with John Kerry or tongue-bathe Joe Lieberman?

Larry King: With my tongue? I'd take the cruise with John Kerry. I like John Kerry; he's a war hero. Some people think he's dull, but I don't. The thought of licking Joe Lieberman is not fantastic. Even though he's kosher. The appeal of that is he's kosher. Still, I'd take the canoe trip.

GQ: Would you rather spoon Piers Morgan for three nights in a row or put your iPhone in a blender and blend it and drink it?

Larry King: What does "spoon" mean?

GQ: It's when you lie in bed and cuddle, both facing the same direction. You'd be the back spoon.

Larry King: I'd do the phone thing.

GQ: Truth or dare?

Larry King: Truth.

GQ: How many people have you kissed?

Larry King: Impossible to count.

GQ: Do you think upwards of fifty?

Larry King: Past fifty.

GQ: I mean like really kissed. Not just pecked.

Larry King: Seventy-seven.