Annie says: I got gum on my seat... Gum! Annie says: I got gum on my seat. Gum!

Jack Traven says: I have to warn you, I've heard relationships based on tense experiences never work. Annie says: Okay. We'll have to base it on sex then.

Leigh Anne Tuohy says: I'm here to investigate your odd predicament Leigh Anne Tuohy says: I'm here to investigate your odd predicament.

Dr. Ryan Stone says: Alright the way I see it, there's only two possible outcomes. Either I make it down there in one piece and I have one hell of a story to tell, or I burn up in the next ten minutes. Either way whichever way, no harm no foul. Cause either way, it'll be one hell of a ride. I'm ready.

Scarlett Overkill says: Respect! Power! Stuart the Minion says: Banana! Scarlett Overkill says: . . .Banana!

Scarlett Overkill says: Doesn't it feel so good to be bad??

Birdee Pruitt says: Mom, wake up! Oh God, please don't do this.

Birdee Pruitt says: I would walk through fire before I would break up a family, because I am not a quitter.

Elaine says: (talking about the Tuohy's Christmas card with Michael in it) He looks so big compared to you like Jessica Lange next to King Kong. (amidst chuckles) Beth says: Hey, does Michael get the family discount at Taco Bell? Because if he does that Sean is gonna lose a few stores. Leigh Anne Tuohy says: He's a good kid. Elaine says: Well, I say that you make it official and adopt him. (laughs) Leigh Anne Tuohy says: He's gonna be eighteen in a few months but it doesn't make much sense to legally adopt. (they all stare at her) Sherry says: Leigh Ann, is this sort of white guilt thing? Elaine says: What would your Daddy say?

Leigh Anne Tuohy says: One-Mississippi - Joe Theismann, the Redskins quarterback takes the snap and hands-off to his runnin' mate. Two-Mississippi - it's a trick play, a flea-flicker. And the runnin' back tosses back to the quarterback. Three-Mississippi - up 'til now the play's been defined by what he doesn't. Four-Mississippi - Lawrence Taylor is the best defensive player in the NFL. And has been from the time that he walked onto the field as a rookie. He will also change the game of football as we know it... Legendary quarterback Joe Theismann never played another down of football.

Leigh Anne Tuohy says: We have been here for an hour, and all I see is people shootin' the bull and drinkin' coffee. I wanna know who runs this joint? CPS Welfare Worker says: (points to a picture of George W. Bush)

Leigh Anne Tuohy says: The seconds between the snap of the ball and the snap of the first bones is closer to 4 seconds than 5.

Matt Kowalski says: Don't worry those pretty blue eyes of yours, Stone. Dr. Ryan Stone says: My eyes are brown, Kowalski.

Dr. Ryan Stone says: Don't let go...

Michael Oher says: Ms. Touhy? Leigh Anne Tuohy says: I hear Ms. Touhy I look over my shoulder for my mother-in-law.

Coach Cotton says: What did you say to him? Leigh Anne Tuohy says: You should really get to know your players. Michael scored in the ninety eight percentile in protective instincts.

Leigh Anne Tuohy says: I'd like to become a legal guardian. CPS Welfare Worker says: God help the child.

Michael Oher says: Mr. Touhy sleeps on the couch? Leigh Anne Tuohy says: Only when he's bad.

Michael Oher says: It's nice, I never had one before. Leigh Anne Tuohy says: What, a room to yourself? Michael Oher says: A bed.

Leigh Anne Tuohy says: Michael, I want you to have a good time but if you get a girl pregnant out of wedlock, I will crawl up into the car, drive up to Oxford and cut off your penis. S.J. Tuohy says: She means it.

Leigh Anne Tuohy says: Well, alright then.

Leigh Anne Tuohy says: I don't wanna name names but one of the coaches took him to a titty bar. Gave him nightmares.

Leigh Anne Tuohy says: I said you could thank me later. It's later, Bert.

Leigh Anne Tuohy says: You threaten my son, you threaten me.

Necie says: I wish you could've known your momma back then, you've would loved her. Sidda Lee Walker says: Necie, me not lovin' momma was never the problem. Caro says: Her not lovin' you was never the problem either.

Shep Walker says: I think it can best be said... The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Sidda Lee Walker says: Well, what about the road back? What's the paved with? Shep Walker says: Humility.

Dr. Ryan Stone says: I know, we are all gonna die...

Dr. Ryan Stone says: Please copy...

Jack Devlin says: What did you think you were trying to do? Save the world? Angela Bennett says: No, not the world. Just myself.

Birdee Pruitt says: Who's Big Dolores? Travis says: She's the meanest and dumbest girl in school, but she keeps passin' because even teachers are afraid of big Dolores. She has her own gang too.

Birdee Pruitt says: You just never liked Bill. Ramona Calvert says: Oh, I like all of God's creatures; I just like some of them better stuffed. And he's one of them.

Birdee Pruitt says: Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life tryin' to overcome.

Birdee Pruitt says: Then you should take it. If that's how you feel then you should take it. You and Connie deserve each other. You were lucky to have me. But you know what? I think I already got the best part of you. And she's standin' right out there, and she's waitin' for me. I don't know... what's left just doesn't look so good anymore. So why'd you come back? You want my permission? You want my... condolences? Why did you come back? Bill Pruitt says: Well, I didn't wanna do this to you now, Birdee, but I want a divorce.

Birdee Pruitt says: I would have stayed with you forever. I would have turned myself inside out for you Bill Pruitt says: Birdee, I wouldn't have let you! People grow. They change. They have to! Birdee Pruitt says: You think that I don't know that? I know that I'm not what I once was. I know that! But I haven't changed so much, that I would go and lie to someone that I love. God, I would walk through fire before I'd let them feel like they were nothin'! And I would never break up anybody's home. Because I am not a quitter. I care about my family! I may not be the same person, but then again, neither are you. You're sad, you're weak, and you're... shorter. If you wanna know the truth. Bill Pruitt says: I'm in love with Connie. And this is my chance for a fresh start, and I'm takin' it, I'm sorry!

Birdee Pruitt says: People fall in love. They fall right back out. It happens all the time.

Birdee Pruitt says: Once upon a time your mama knew what it meant to shine.

Bernice Pruitt says: Is this where you were "cream of corn"? Birdee Pruitt says: "Queen of Corn," honey. Three years runnin'. A feat unsurpassed in the history of Smithville.

Bernice Pruitt says: Mom, are you gonna marry Justin Matisse? Birdee Pruitt says: Oh, honey, I'm not plannin' on gettin' married again for a long time. What, you don't like Justin? Bernice Pruitt says: No, it's not that. It's just that... Birdee Pruitt says: What is it? You can tell me. Bernice Pruitt says: I just don't wanna be known as Bernice Matisse!

Dr. Ryan Stone says: All right, the way I see it, there's only two possible outcomes. Dr. Ryan Stone says: Either I make it down there in one piece and I have one hell of a story to tell...or I burn up in the next ten minutes. Dr. Ryan Stone says: Either way, whichever way...no harm, no foul! Dr. Ryan Stone says: Because either way...it'll be on helluva ride.

Dr. Ryan Stone says: I hate space.

Jack Callaghan says: When did you start seeing Peter? Lucy Eleanor Moderatz says: September seventeenth. Jack Callaghan says: Three months, that's fast. Lucy Eleanor Moderatz says: You have no idea.

Lucy Eleanor Moderatz says: You give up your seat every day in the train. Peter Callaghan says: Well... But that's not heroic Lucy Eleanor Moderatz says: It is to the person who sits in it.

Lucy Eleanor Moderatz says: Oh, geez, I was talking to myself.

Lucy Eleanor Moderatz says: I'm not engaged. I've never even spoken to the guy.

Lucy Eleanor Moderatz says: I'm not his fiancée.

Lucy Eleanor Moderatz says: Wh-why did you say that?

Lucy Eleanor Moderatz says: Well, we're... waiting.

Lucy Eleanor Moderatz says: Celeste, you have to have sex to be pregnant.

Lucy Eleanor Moderatz says: If you fit into my pants, I will kill myself.

Jack Callaghan says: Tell me about your dad, what was he like? Lucy Eleanor Moderatz says: He was a lot like me, brown hair, flat chest.

Lucy Eleanor Moderatz says: You don't have to walk me home. Jack Callaghan says: You block the wind.

Lucy Eleanor Moderatz says: It just... I never met anyone I could laugh with. You know?

Lucy Eleanor Moderatz says: Doesn't anybody use the phone anymore? Joe Fusco Jr. says: I do. Lucy Eleanor Moderatz says: I'm not talking about nine hundred numbers. Joe Fusco Jr. says: Who told?

Jack Callaghan says: I guess I don't remember meeting you. Lucy Eleanor Moderatz says: Well, that's probably because we've never met. Jack Callaghan says: That could have something to do with it.

Joe Fusco Jr. says: O.K., Lucy, it's either me or him! Lucy Eleanor Moderatz says: Him. Joe Fusco Jr. says: You don't have to answer right away.

Dr. Ryan Stone says: Fuck! Matt Kowalski says: Copy that.

Dr. Ryan Stone says: It's going to be hell of a ride!!! Dr. Ryan Stone says: It's going to be hell of a ride!

Dr. Ryan Stone says: I see nothing! I see nothing!

Dr. Ryan Stone says: I was driving when I got the call, so ever since that's what I do. I drive.

Matt Kowalski says: What do you like the most about this place? Dr. Ryan Stone says: Silence

Dr. Ryan Stone says: I had a girl. She was playing when she tripped and fell and hit her head,, that's all it took, she was gone.

Dr. Ryan Stone says: All I do is go to work, and when I get home I just drive. Dr. Ryan Stone says: All I do is go to work, and when I get home, I just drive.

Dr. Ryan Stone says: No, no, no, no, no, no.

Dr. Ryan Stone says: All right, Tiangong. Stay right there. You're my last ride.

Dr. Ryan Stone says: Clear skies with a chance of satellite debris.

Dr. Ryan Stone says: I hate space!

Dr. Ryan Stone says: What do I do? What do I do?

Dr. Ryan Stone says: Clear skies with a chance of satellite debris.

Dr. Ryan Stone says: It's time to stop driving. It's time to go home.

Dr. Ryan Stone says: "No Hablo Chino" Dr. Ryan Stone says: No Hablo Chino.

Dr. Ryan Stone says: My name's not "May Day."

Dr. Ryan Stone says: You gotta be kidding me...

Dr. Ryan Stone says: Either way, it's going to be one hell of a ride.

Dr. Ryan Stone says: You'll see a little girl, with brown hair, lots of knots. She didn't like to brush it. You tell her I found her red shoe. She was so worried about that red shoe. And it was under the bed the whole time.

Dr. Ryan Stone says: But one thing I know for sure: It's gonna be one helluva ride.

Dr. Ryan Stone says: I hate space.

Dr. Ryan Stone says: Clear skies with a chance of satellite debris Dr. Ryan Stone says: Clear skies with a chance of satellite debris.

Dr. Ryan Stone says: I hate space.

Dr. Ryan Stone says: Roger.

Dr. Ryan Stone says: You've got to be kidding me.

Dr. Ryan Stone says: I need some space.

Dr. Ryan Stone says: How did you get here? Matt Kowalski says: Like I said, it's a funny story.

Dr. Ryan Stone says: What do I do?! What do I do?!

Sidda Lee Walker says: I don't care if she was abducted by leprechauns and whacked over the head with their shillelagh sticks!

Sidda Lee Walker says: Daddy, did you get loved enough? Shep Walker says: What's enough? My question is, did you?

Caro says: (about Vivi's breakdown) She didn't leave you, Sidda. Caro says: She didn't leave you, Sidda. Sidda Lee Walker says: Yeah, well, she was sure as hell gone. Caro says: She sure as hell was.

Sidda Lee Walker says: I should'a quit when I was behind.

Sidda Lee Walker says: (about Vivi) I am sick of fightin'! And, I am sick to death of this whole center of the universe, holler than thou, nothin' is ever enough. Oh, how I've suffered, nobody understands me. Somebody fixes me a drink and hands me a Nebutol, worn out Scarlett O'Hara... thing! Sidda Lee Walker says: I am sick of fightin'! And, I am sick to death of this whole center of the universe, holler than thou, nothin' is ever enough. Oh, how I've suffered, nobody understands me. Somebody fixes me a drink and hands me a Nebutol, worn out Scarlett O'Hara... thing! Caro says: Well, she's got her pagged, all right.

Beth says: You're changin' that boy's life. Leigh Anne Tuohy says: No. He's changin' mine.

Dr. Ryan Stone says: Don't let go!

Alton says: Whatchu packin'? .Twenty two? A little Saturday night special? Alton says: Whatchu packin'? Twenty two? A little Saturday night special? Leigh Anne Tuohy says: Yep. And it shoots just fine every other day of the week too.

Leigh Anne Tuohy says: Now, ya'll would guess that more often than not, the highest paid player on an NFL team is the quarterback. And you'd be right. But what you probably don't know is that more often than not, the second highest paid player is, thanks to Lawrence Taylor, a left tackle. Because, as every housewife knows, the first check you write is for the montgage, but the second is for the insurance. The left tackle's job is to protect the quarterback from what he can't see comin'. To protest his blind side.

Leigh Anne Tuohy says: (first lines) There's a moment of orderly silence before a football play begins. Players are in position, lineman are frozen. and anything is possible. Then, like a traffic accident, stuff begins to randomally collide. From the snap of the ball to the snap of the first bones, closer to four seconds than five. Leigh Anne Tuohy says: There's a moment of orderly silence before a football play begins. Players are in position, lineman are frozen. and anything is possible. Then, like a traffic accident, stuff begins to randomally collide. From the snap of the ball to the snap of the first bones, closer to four seconds than five.

Leigh Anne Tuohy says: Sean and I have been talkin' and Michael, if you're gonna accept a football scholarship we think it should be to Tennessee. And I promise that I will be at every game cheerin' for you. Michael Oher says: Every game. Leigh Anne Tuohy says: Every game. But I will not wear that gaudy orange, I will not. It is not my colour wheel and I'm not gonna wear it.

Sean Tuohy says: You really except Michael to lay down on the couch and talk about his childhood like he's Woody Allen or somethin'? I mean, Michael's gift is his ability to forget. He's mad at no one and he really doesn't care happen in the past. Leigh Anne Tuohy says: You're right. Sean Tuohy says: Excuse me? 'You're right'? How'd those words taste comin' out of your mouth? Leigh Anne Tuohy says: Like vinegar.

Leigh Anne Tuohy says: If you so much as set foot downtown, you will be sorry. I'm in a prayer group with the D.A., I'm a member of the NRA and I'm always packin'.

Michael Oher says: It's nice, I never had one before. Leigh Anne Tuohy says: What, a room to yourself? Michael Oher says: A bed.

Leigh Anne Tuohy says: I said you could thank me later. It's later, Bert.

Leigh Anne Tuohy says: I don't want to name names but one of the coaches took him to a titty bar. Gave him nightmares.