NEW YORK—Embodying every potential voter from a 75-year-old Latina grandmother of 12 to a Generation Z high school senior living in the Atlanta exurbs, hundreds of Nate Silvers representing every voting demographic in America ran rampant through the FiveThirtyEight.com offices Thursday following a disastrous explosion of the website’s powerful aggregator. “This place is a total wreck—there’s a diverse throng of Nate Silvers milling around everywhere,” said FiveThirtyEight analyst Brenda Johnson of the mumbling swarm of multi-cultural data journalists roaming the open-plan office in search of the ideal candidate to fit their demographic trends. “Each of them, whether black, white, Sikh, or Evangelical, is claiming to be—or at least represent—the actual Nate Silver. About an hour ago, the arguments started, and tensions are mounting, particularly between young hispanic, older Asian-American, and millennial gender-non-conforming Nates. The situation is rapidly deteriorating, but we expect new polling by tomorrow afternoon.” FiveThirtyEight has announced they will expand their “Deluxe” midterm model to accommodate the expert ratings of 140 carefully selected Nate Silvers.

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