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I am shaking.

I am so incredibly mad at myself.

I have spent almost thirty-one years on this planet and today is the dumbest I have ever felt.

A member of my fantasy baseball league just alerted me to a fact so shocking to my core, that I needed to take a walk around my apartment.

I just found out that the 1994 Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Tony Danza, Danny Glover and Christopher Lloyd movie “Angels in the Outfield” is a remake.

I am shaking.

How have I not known this? How could I have been so fooled? So blinded my own stupidity to never have realized?

I know the ins and outs of Merkle’s Boner. I know the inner machinations of Buckner’s Game 6. So how is it possible that I haven’t the faintest clue that one of the greatest baseball movies of all time, is a remake?

As I sit in my apartment, quarantining with my wife and dog, we’ve been doing nothing but watching movies. Well, not just movies, OLD MOVIES. How could I have missed this? Why am I the way that I am?

The original movie premiered in 1951, is directed and produced by Clarence Brown and starred Janet Leigh and Paul Douglas. The story doesn’t follow the California Angels, as they didn’t exist at the time, but instead centers around a bumbling Pittsburgh Pirates team.

According to Wikipedia, the original Angels movie, based on a story by Richard Conlin, is “about a young woman reporter who blames the Pittsburgh Pirates‘ losing streak on their abusive manager, who begins hearing the voice of an angel promising to help the team if he changes his ways.”

The PIRATES?

My sweet lord…

The 1994 film follows a hapless California Angels team, managed by Danny Glover. A young fan Joseph Gordon-Levitt gains clubhouse access and with the help of some actual Angels and Christopher Lloyd, the Angels climb out of the bottom of the standings. The 1994 remake (still so mad) stars Matthew McConaughey, Adrien Brody, and Neal McDonough, as well as the aforementioned Tony Danza.

Fun fact: the movie came out a month before the 1994 MLB Strike! Thanks, Bud!

Also a fun fact: This movie has multiple future Oscar winners in it. Think about that.

So now you know. I hope this hits you half as hard as it hit me.

I can’t believe I could have been so blind.