If it were possible to be proud of a violent, grotesquely deformed child, then Ilha da Mãe would be Rio surfing's pride and joy. Photo: Ryan Craig

"You don't have many slabs this photogenic right in the middle of a city as big as Rio de Janeiro," says Brazilian writer/film editor Julio Adler. "And with just a handful of chargers, it's a friendly environment. Not even close to the tension in California." Marcelo Trekinho, room to breathe. Photo: Tony D'Andrea

In Rio, the people are genuine but their waves can be kind of two-faced. Laje de Jacone. Photo: Rick Werneck

The Sheraton, in Leblon, is yet another rideable option... sort of. Photo: Beto Paesleme

"There's one slab right in the heart of Ipanema, a 15-minute walk from my house," prides Julio Adler. "All you have to do is watch it doing its thing for half an hour and charge. It's really not that hard [to catch]. It only needs some size." Photo: Beto Paesleme

Carlos Burle charges heavy waves all over the world -- and has the records and trophies to prove it. However, if he were to never leave his homeland again, it might not be all that tragic. Photo: Rick Werneck

Upwelling from easterly currents acting on the "Cabo Frio" makes a good 4/3-mil wetsuit as essential as a ski. Thiago Jacare. Photo: Lucas Barnis

Not even close to Shipstern's," downplays Julio Adler about the danger factor here. "It's more dangerous to cross the street downtown than to get barreled at Sheraton's Reef." Marcelo Trekinho knows how dangerous that traffic can be, though. Photo: Beto Paesleme

Big-wave icon and national treasure Carlos Burle, negotiating a wave as beautiful as anything in this world. It just happens to be right here at home. Photo: Rick Werneck

Will you eat the clams or will the clams eat you? Photo: Tony D'Andrea

Gracious and receptive in interviews for this piece, Marcos Monteiro is determined to put his homebreak in Saquarema on the list of world-class slabs. This is a solid start. Photo: Beto Paesleme

John John Florence paddle-drops a small day at Ilha da Mãe, currently the most inviting of all the Brazilian slabs. The Hawaiian prodigy shattered his surfboard before too long. And he got off easy. Sequence: Henrique Pinguim

Haroldo Ambrosio accessorizes for glory at Laje de Jacone, a mere 15-minute drive from Saquarema. Of course, accessing the spot with your jet-ski is a whole 'nother story. Photo: Rick Werneck

Do you love the idea of surfing The Wedge... only you wish it were a right instead of a left and there weren't all those pesky Californian bodysurfers in the way? If so, Rio is reading your mind right now. Photo: Tony D'Andrea

Mantiba, Saquarema, is yet another Brazilian freakshow that we haven't even dared talk about yet. Stay tuned for a proper unveiling in seasons to follow. Photo: Beto Paesleme

The Brazilian vets invited Kiron Jabour to sample their slabs a while back, and the young Hawaiian pro became an instant blood bruddah. Photo: Beto Paesleme

Like most slabs on Planet Earth, bodyboarders were the first to arrive here, so they'll probably be the last to leave. Frederico Rigor. Photo: Ryan Craig

To call Rio's slab scene "colorful" would be like calling Carnival "upbeat." Marcelo Trekinho blends in. Photo: Tony D'Andrea

Have you ever seen anyone look so relaxed while wearing a life vest? Bruno Santos, chilling hard. Photo: Tony D'Andrea

"It's very unique to surf while looking at the Jesus and the Sugarloaf," says Marcelo Trekinho [pictured]. "You have the mountains right at the ocean bottom in the middle of the Rio Caos." Photo: Ryan Craig