In today’s modern world, it baffles me that feminists are constantly telling men that they need to “check their privilege.” Why? Because a man is more likely to become President or CEO?

While you complete your Art History or Puppetry degree with the comfort of knowing that you have the ultimate safety cushion of finding a husband and/or leaning on Big Daddy Government; people like me have to choose degrees based more on their monetary value rather than our interest or love for the field. Why don’t guys just pick what they love, you ask? If you like 14th century French poetry, why not major in it, you ask?

Well, because good, attractive women don’t want to marry and reproduce with guys who earn bite-sized paychecks. Women demand security and at least some form of success. Men don’t. Even women whose greatest aspirations are flipping burgers can still likely find companionship with a man of value if they are a good person with other things to offer.

Barring I one day wake up to looking like a Calvin Klein model or somehow develop mutant mind control powers which persuade women to want me (a la The Purple Man), I will never have that option in life. Sure, maybe some wealthy obese woman would put up with me not working or making a shitty income because she’s just so happy to have landed someone out of her league who she can show off to her friends. The high quality women I would like to marry however would not be okay with that.

In fact, men have no options. Their only option is to work and become at least mildly successful. Otherwise, expect to never marry someone of value, and be prepared for the demise of your legacy as nobody with common sense bar maybe the wealthy in which money is no issue; will let you knock them up. Elect to become homeless and possibly not even survive. Why do you think there are so many more homeless men than women?

Women though, have all the options in the world. Freedom of choice in modern America really only applies to women. Men who don’t work are losers. You’re an artist? Get a job!

But, you’re a woman who publicly knits wool out of your vagina or create paintings by vomiting colored milk onto a canvas? You’re a progressive womyn exploring yourself and the boundaries of society. You go girl!

But, as this picture says:

You can work, you can not work, you can work part time, you can do art and call it work, you can work until you have kids, you can strip and you can even sell your pussy. You don’t even have to be that pretty to do those last two things!

So when you’re majoring in Puppetry and I’m forced to major in Finance in order to be respected by greater society and be viewed as dating material, check your privilege.

When you’re hitting the town Friday night with zero dollars in your purse, and come home drunk with tons of new guys texting you their phone numbers, check your privilege.

Picture yourself as a young woman making minimum wage who suddenly becomes lonely. When you still get to date and seek companionship, and your opposites can’t because going on dates drains their pitiful paychecks; check your privilege.

When you’re enjoying the benefits of zero responsibility in the realm of dating other then not wearing pajamas, showing up, and speaking the right language; check your privilege.

When you never have to go through the pressure of approaching a random guy, trying to think of what to say, and essentially swoop a complete stranger; check your privilege.

When you never have to go through the nerve wracking task of planning out date after date, and figuring out when to lean in for the kiss or invite your date back to your apartment, check your privilege.

When you’re assumed to be innocent just because you’re a female, check your privilege.

When wars are fought throughout history between males to protect the women and children from being enslaved and subsequently raped and killed; check your privilege.

When you don’t have to worry about being drafted into the army to fight a war you don’t support; check your privilege.

When you find out you’re pregnant and decide to get an abortion without even having to tell the man who knocked you up about it, giving him zero say in the matter; check your privilege.

When you’re able to go through life constantly receiving attention and feeling desirable, while average men have to fight tooth and nail just to be noticed; check your privilege.

When you divorce your husband and automatically get custody of your children, downgrading a possibly great father to part time dad; check your privilege.

When your Jordan’s cost half of mine; check your privilege.

When you don’t get blamed for bad sex; check your privilege.

When you just lay there in bed like a mannequin during sex, and you still get called back the next the next day, but the guy with the small dick or premature ejaculation problem doesn’t; check your privilege.

When you’re getting paid the same as me but are given less responsibilities and are given more leeway to call out of work without being punished; check your privilege.

When standards for careers are lowered for you and you’re hired for a job that you’re not even qualified for; check your privilege.

When you’re working at your nice, safe, cozy job and don’t have to risk your life on a daily basis just to support your family; check your privilege.

When you’re viewed as the smarter, nice, fairer sex, and are viewed as having greater morals; check your privilege.

When you’re allowed to hand pick who ever you have sex with, and sometimes even handpick your boyfriend and husband; check your privilege.

Excluding the extremely poor and extremely ugly, you are given more choice, more options and more freedom than anyone on the face of the Earth. Stop believing feminist lies about pay gaps, glass ceilings, and rape culture statistics that make war torn Congo look like feminist paradise. These lies are propagated to support the multi-billion dollar feminist industry. Without them and the ability to bitch about them, hundreds of thousands of jobs (mostly made up skeleton jobs to keep women in the work force) would disappear over night.

Women of America. No, feminists of America: CHECK YOUR MOTHERFUCKING PRIVILEGE!

Besides female privilege, don’t forget you have your “born in America” privilege, education privilege and of course if you are white – white privilege!

Expand your mind. It’s about time women realized that they have privileges men could only dream of.