It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s check out some new releases!

Hyuna – Flower Shower

Actually really musically hideous, just Blackpink’s awful “Whistle” with a little less yolo. At least the cinematography is great, Hyuna’s looking better than she has in years.

Dawn – Money

Hyuna’s other half has a song that is maybe slightly better but unfortunately really boring anyway.

Got7 – You Calling My Name

Actually I wasn’t calling your name, I was saying “Got 5 Demands“. Maybe it just sounded like your group name. I apologise.

WayV – Love Talk

There’s some nice chord progressions here that really belong in a T-ara ballad, pity the absolutely awful typical boy-group vocal melody-writing everywhere except the chorus kinda ruins a fair chunk of this.

Bvndit – Dumb

Nothing much of note is happening here.

Victon – Nostalgic Night

Or here.

MFBTY – Dreamcatcher

I don’t really care about the song which is just a bunch of mediocre yelling really, but I do want to know if a Korean cosplaying as a black guy who transformed into a white guy is “blackface” or not. Is dressing up as Michael Jackson “Thriller” era considered more blackface than “Dangerous” era? Can a leader from the Woke Council please get in touch.

B.I.G – Illusion

That guy facepalming at the start looks how I feel.

Dongkiz – Fever

At least it’s upbeat which is welcome in the sea of boredom this week, but unfortunately that’s not enough to get it over the line.

1Team – Make This

Another song with some cool sounds in the background but no actual vocal writing.

The Boyz – Tattoo

Hey which one’s Eric? I need to know who to give my lunch money to.

Lee Jin Hyuk – I Like That

Why does everything sounds like this now.

Amber Liu – Other People

It’s actually pretty good. I don’t think Amber’s the best writer of her own vocal lines, but the backings are enough to save it.

Primary ft. Jade – Bad High

Primary’s production smarts aren’t enough to breathe any life into this morose dirge.

Ravi ft. Sik-K, Xydo – Limitless

People were asking me on my livestream to listen to this but I resisted, figuring it’d be awful and a waste of everyone’s time. I made the right decision.

Zion T. – May

Were you thinking just now that you needed another Zion T. acoustic R&B number in your life? Guess what, me neither.

Zico ft. Dvwn – Being Left

Zico raps over some boring song while a lady thinks about her regret of how she wasted her youth listening to boy band solos.

ONF – Moscow Moscow

Okay this gets over the line for inclusion because it’s more than just lyrics scrolling past on a page of stuff, but really it still wasn’t worth the effort anyway.

BM, J.seph – Inferno

Really, why abbreviate “Joseph” as “J.seph”, you’re not actually saving yourself any typing there.

Vincent – Burn It All

Actually pretty cool just because of the way the song progresses unexpectedly.

dress, sogumm – Pretty Bitch

Acoustic mumble rap, it’s a thing apparently. Be afraid.

Elo x Penomeco ft. Gray – Love?

The usual awful R&B that there’s a dozen songs of each and every week.

Kolavo – I Wish Tomorrow Were The Weekend

They almost hold hands but then they don’t. Gosh that got a bit raunchy there.

Eluphant ft. Punch – Winter Rain

The song isn’t intolerable for this kind of thing, and wow they really made Punch look good. Maybe I should fly over to Korea and try and ask around at places where she normally eats or hangs out and get someone to pass a note to her or something. I’ve heard that’s how it’s done can anyone confirm.

Skinny Chase ft. DJ Vamos – Pharmacy

Not much of a rap really, however the salvo at commercial rappers is appreciated. Wow that must be all Korean underground dudes rap about.

DJ Tiz ft. Colslaugh – Dark Brand

Skinny Chase sounds better on this track, and the beat is better too.

Lowa – Balloon

Okay I think we’ve found a new location – “nugu beach”.

L.NDN – Parallel Lines

What a weird and dull song. Why do the drums sound like they were recorded underwater.

Peace Jeong – We Are The Stone

Look at these ugly sweaty motherfucks, definitely not coming to a TV show near you. The song isn’t amazing but I sure do appreciate some ROCK for once.

The Black Underground – Fax, Truck & Lock’n Role

On the other hand this is dreadful because the groove is annoyingly blues-based and the singer basically mumbles through it like he doesn’t care, which is pretty much how I feel too.

Orange Fang Fang Boys – Cantante

More rock, this time instrumental. A shame really as this song actually sounds like it needs a singer over the top.

Heyday – Your Mind

If you like to watch girls brush their teeth and look miserable boy do I have a video for you.

6band – Worker Blues

And here’s the male version! Boys can brush their teeth and look miserable too! Equality yay!

Blew Blue – Cloud

Dude has a Coldplay shirt on, so you know that keeping expectations here low is wise.

EOS – Sweet & Sweat

Like a lot of songs this week, it’s not too bad but is about 57 minutes of building up 5 seconds of song.

Dandan – Popstar

How do people this shy ever get laid. No wonder Korea is having birthrate issues.

Im Heebin – Cuz

Yes this is a boring ballad.

Kim Yoon Hee – Love Myself

See, your BTS oppars aren’t that special. Any old idiot can write a song about loving themselves. However before you take on board that message and start loving yourself a whole lot, you may just want to check first that you’re actually not a cunt.

Shin Ki Nam – Fine

I’ve seen one of the first prototype CD players from the 1980s and it looks a bit like what this guy is using. Sad when CD is starting to become retro.

Noel – Late Night

This sounds exactly how you think it will.

Laibac – Intro

You’d think at least the “indie channel” people would know how to use a Shure Super 55 but no.

Austn – Moon

The boring R&B rappers are all wearing high-vis now so if you’re driving along causing carnage like Jungkook you can see them clearly at night and aim at them for extra points.

Hyungsuk Kim, Hyunmi Son – The Morning I Dream

Look at these sweater-wearing fools.

Netherlands Tulip Farm – Safe Zone

This song has certainly invaded my safe space, it should come with a trigger warning that it sucks.

Song Gain – Eomma Arirang

Wow they really broke the budget with this MBK-tier drama video. Check it out. Note that this video is made up of the “ballad version” of the song at the start, and the “original version” at about 4 minutes in.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK

Taengoo really received supplies from PUBG

Girls’ Generation’s Taeyeon experiences the annoyance that we all feel in PUBG when we kill someone at the start of the game, check their lootbox and find out that they don’t even have a weapon yet. Come on PUBG corp, you could have at least given her a glock or something, even 080-SONE-AWAY thought of that.

That’s all for this week – Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!