The New Dad is an ordinary adventurer whose life has taken an extraordinary turn, for his party has gained a tiny and lifelong ally. The path of the New Dad is long, with many ups and downs along the way; but for those who choose to walk it there can be no greater adventure, nor any treasure more precious.

Jamie awakes with a start as the high-pitched cry peals through the house, shaking him from the stolen moments of elusive slumber. Though his mind is weary and his eyelids heavy, he rises once again to meet the challenge.

Class Features

As a New Dad, you gain the following class features:

Hit Points

Hit Dice: 1d8 per Dad level

1d8 per Dad level Hit Points at 1st Level: 8 + your Constitution modifier

8 + your Constitution modifier Hit Points at Higher Levels: 1d8 (or 5) + your Constitution modifier per Dad level after 1st

Proficiencies

Armor: Very light armour - a muslin draped over the shoulder

Very light armour - a muslin draped over the shoulder Weapons: Ranged weapons - a vomiting baby

Ranged weapons - a vomiting baby Tools: Car seat installation kit

Saving Throws: Wisdom, Charisma

Wisdom, Charisma Skills: Animal Handling, Insight, Survival

Equipment

You start with the following equipment, in addition to the equipment granted by your background:

(a) a nappy change bag or (b) an explorer's pack

Bibs, snuggly blanket, soft toys, and tiny little socks

Cantrips

At first level, you know four cantrips of your choice from the New Dad spell list. You learn additional New Dad cantrips of your choice at higher levels, as shown in the Cantrips Known column of the New Dad table.

Spells Known of 1st Level or Higher

You know two 1st-level spells of your choice from the New Dad spell list. You also know the Create Homunculus spell, although you probably don't fancy casting it again any time soon.

Spellcasting Ability

Wisdom is your spellcasting ability for your New Dad spells. You use your Wisdom whenever a spell refers to your spellcasting ability. In addition, you use your New Dad modifier when setting the saving throw DC for a New Dad spell you cast and when making an attack roll with one.

Spell save DC = 8 + your proficiency bonus +

your Wisdom modifier

Spell attack modifier = your proficiency bonus +

your Wisdom modifier

Spellcasting Focus

You can use an arcane focus such as a soiled nappy or teddy bear as a spellcasting focus for your New Dad spells.

Tiny Ally

At 1st level you gain a Tiny Ally! Helpless and pudgy, the Tiny Ally is even more useless than a familiar. One of your party must stay with it at all times, because even when it becomes slightly less helpless it will constantly try to kill itself by throwing itself down the stairs and playing with plug sockets and stuff like, all the fucking time.

Parenting Style

At 1st level you also choose one of the New Dad parenting styles: Style of Attachment Parenting or Style of Spare the Rod.

No sleep 'til Climping

At 2nd level, you permanently gain one point of exhaustion, and cannot take a long rest. Once per day, you can gain the benefits of a long rest by taking a short rest.

Strong Five

At 3rd level, you find every day to be unyieldingly average. Once per long rest, you can add +5 to any roll.

Ability Score Improvement

When you reach 4th level, and again at 8th, 12th, 16th, and 19th level, you can increase one ability score of your choice by 2, or you can increase two ability scores of your choice by 1. As normal, you can’t increase an ability score above 20 using this feature. Alternatively, you can choose a feat.

Peekaboo

At 10th level, you learn to cast Invisibility at will.

Wail of the Newborn

Starting at 17th level, you can use your action to direct the banshee scream of your Tiny Ally toward your enemies. Each creature in a 30ft radius must make a Constitution saving throw against your spellcasting DC. A creature takes 10d10 psychic damage on a failed save, or half as much on a successful one. Deafened creatures are not affected.

Exemplary Dadding

At 20th level, your dad skills have reached such heights that mere mortals can no longer keep up. Your arms blur as nappies are changed, toys are tidied and tiny clothes are folded, while you float above the ground in a state of zen-like tranquility. You gain proficiency in every skill; if you are already proficient you gain expertise. Additionally, your permanent exhaustion point is removed. You da man.