Breaking News: “Amazon is pushing ahead on three new genre series to add to their streaming service slate. All three will be adaptations of literature including Neil Stepheson’s cyberpunk smash Snow Crash” -IMBd.

True Snow Crash fans know that there’s nothing more epic than the scene when Uncle Enzo, the pizza mafia mega-powerhouse, gives his Vietnam dog tags to up and coming Y.T. (“It’s just for fun,” he says, “but if you ever get into trouble, and you show those dog tags to whoever it is that’s giving you a bad time, then things will probably change very quickly.”)

Below you will find the most comprehensive and authentic recreation of Uncle Enzo’s dog tag. After searching a variety of sources, from “Snow Crash”, Neal Stephenson’s landmark 1992 novel, to historical Vietnam archives, to anthropologic and genetic studies, I have created the ultimate Snow Crash souvenir. Buy one for yourself, for a friend, or for someone who reminds you of Y.T. because they are sure to be a hit. Like durable stainless steel a Snow Crash dog tag is a gift that will stand the test of time.

(Original fan art and description by J. Whitacre, September 29th, 2017)

Product details:

Debossed: Letters are indented. Classic WWII, Vietnam and Korean war era font type.

Name: Uncle Enzo

Evidence: A man of mystery, we never learn Uncle Enzo’s first name in the novel. However Y.T. does give him several nicknames, including: “the Sicilian Colonel Sanders” and “the Andy Griffith of Bensonhurst”.

Blood type: O+

Evidence: This is most likely because it’s the most common blood type of Italians: 39.0%.

ID Number: 021233334300

Created using the numeric codes of authentic dog tags.

Birth date: 1950

Evidence: “On December 1, 1969, the Selective Service System of the United States conducted two lotteries to determine the order of call to military service in the Vietnam War for men born from 1944 to 1950.”

We also learn that Uncle has been a working professional for 50 years: “Enzo has not put in fifty years serving his family and his country so that, at the age when most are playing golf and bobbling their granddaughters, he can get out of the bathtub dripping wet and lie down and kiss the feet of some sixteen year-old skate punk whose pepperoni was thirty-one minutes in coming.”

Full text of dog tag gift ceremony:

“Here’s something better, since we are comrades in arms,” he says. He loosens his tie and collar, reaches down into his shirt, pulls out an amazingly cheap steel chain with a couple of stamped silver tags dangling from it. “These are my old dog tags,” he says. “Been carrying them around for years, just for the hell of it. I would be amused if you would wear them.”

Trying to keep her knees steady, she puts the dog tags on. They dangle down onto her coverall.

“Better put them inside,” Uncle Enzo says. She drops them down into the secret place between her breasts.

They are still warm from Uncle Enzo.

“Thanks.”

“It’s just for fun,” he says, “but if you ever get into trouble, and you show those dog tags to whoever it is that’s giving you a bad time, then things will probably change very quickly.”

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Wishing you the experience of owning your own original Snow Crash dog tag souvenir. Bring out your inner Uncle Enzo and Y.T. and surprise people when you show your tags. Thank you for supporting original fan art.