Written by Gilbert Miser

Poverty has always been one of America’s most curable problems that can never truly be fully eradicated. Washington D.C. is full of politicians, businessman, lobbyists, lawyers, and the unemployed uneducated yokel that clean the dishes and sinks of the aforementioned in Washington. Under Donald Trump’s presidential administration, there have been great strides in deficit and poverty reduction and with the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act of 2017, there is now a far greater chance for those of lower strata to succeed in America in ways the LBJ and Obama “presidential administrations” failed to accomplish. But poverty, much like opioids and crime, keeps re-occurring in our society with seemingly no end in sight for its encumbrance. Fortunately, I have the solution to cure our societal woes.

No one likes to be in prison much like how allegedly no one likes living in poverty. My solution is simple, we must criminalize poverty in order to discourage the poor and homeless from maintaining their ugly and destitute lifestyle. Many of those that are in poverty and “working class” societal status are often tangled with debt, a status sign that people are too poor to help themselves and act desperate for every kind of government handout and welfare. They seemingly have no incentive to get out of their debt-ridden hole they dug themselves in, and their so-called college education in the arts will never help these poor “artists” from achieving or creating anything meaningful in life. They are almost worse than vermin, but at least vermin have the decency to never take out a loan with interest.

Evidently, many people with debt will never be able to pay it off in their lifetime. How can these people afford housing, let alone a television or those newfangled radio-phone-computer-watches? These poor people have no impulse to save money but rather spend it frivolously–the nerve. Europe had a remedy for poverty hundreds of years ago and it seems to work well for Western European countries. They shoved the poor into prison until they were able to pay off their debts, giving their release from prison as their receipt in life that they were no longer proles. We Americans have never given this incentive to eliminate poverty a try, but now is a better time than never to act. Poverty walks in our streets, creates drug and violence problems, and ultimately gives the liberals a platform to appeal to hippies and centrists. The Democratic Party loves poverty because its one of the few methods they instill to play partisan politics. So poverty isn’t just a societal and political problem, it’s an obstruction of bureaucracy at its very worst.

It’s not unethical to put some of the worst people in society in prison, so why do the poor get special exemptions and tax cuts when they are some of the most debt-burdened people in the country? No one can pay taxes when they’re highly in debt, and they spend money everywhere as if they earned it! Their selfish attitudes on finance have been such a detriment to our national debt and allowed Obama to be president. These people don’t need a say in our society, they need to work. A debtor’s prison will provide the poors with free shelter, minimal costs to food and water, and they’ll be able to sleep comfortably not having to worry about their Fortnights or Facebooks distracting them from their ability to assess their finances. If they cannot pay off their credit card debt, student loans, mortgages or any other financial obligation while in a debtor’s prison, then they can be punished accordingly to their own abilities, and accordingly to their own needs. In any ethical sense, debt is debt, a hindrance on finances for everyone but globalists loan sharks. When debt is multiplied to absurd extents, you get the national debt.

It is high past time to see poverty for what it really is: a federal offense. A national disgrace, a burden for the common man to have to pay higher taxes to help their fellow man. Our country has a debt problem with seemingly no end in sight, aside from help from our beloved Republican Party to cut taxes, my solutions and tax cuts alone will not be enough to exterminate poverty in America. If the debts can’t be removed, then the people burdened with debt do not deserve to participate in society. They are a burden to our country, no more, no less. They must be punished accordingly.

Gilbert Miser is the Bullshit News financial and economics correspondent. His billionaire parents both died under mysterious circumstances when he was two. As the only child, he inherited all of their wealth and became the youngest multi-billionaire in the whole world. He was formerly a major broker with Lehman Brothers and MF Broker before retiring from the banking industry to become a part-time writer for Bullshit News. He owns a Yorkie named “Gunner” in Manhattan.