Above is a picture of a young player I work with called Lucy Murchie. It’s a picture I took just after she lost in the final of the Girls Under 15 National Championships, it’s a picture of a scenario that coaches will be very familiar with. I’ve worked with her for around 4-5 years and she has a good future ahead of her. I know Lucy won’t mind me telling this story. I remember one my of earliest memories of her was in the final of the girls U11 National Championships in Scotland, I hadn’t been working with her for very long so the coaching process between games was more in the form of:

“try to keep your serves in…”

“every time you volley you win a point”

“try to get your drives to hit the glass.”

She was up against a tough opponent and it was a slog of a game. The match went to a 5th game, which when you are 10 years old, is really hard work!! There were lots of excited parents and spectators, we were on knife edge!

Was that serve going to be in!

Can they get a rally past 5 shots

It was great!

Lucy lost. I remember when she lost, she cried so hard, threw her racket into the corner of the court, shook hands and walked off. I patted her on the back and told her she did great! She probably couldn’t see me threw the tears! She really really wanted to win.

Losing is as much a part of life as winning is. Lets be honest, everyone hates losing…it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth that can linger for days and make you wonder why you even bother! It doesn’t matter what the context is either. Sport, business, that job you were sure you were going to get or even a game of monopoly!

There are benefits I find to watching peoples reactions to losing, it can tell a lot about someones character, all of which is not necessarily negative:

-It can show you how badly someone wants to achieve their goals.

-It can also show you how little people care sometimes!

-It can show you what they have to work on emotionally and physically.

-It can identify a lack of preparation.

-It can identify whether or not somebody has enough GRIT.

These are key indicators I feel to how far somebody wants to go in the future.

I have seen some incredible reactions to losing over my time as a squash coach and player. Rackets and other equipment smashed into thousands of pieces, fights outside of courts, verbal abuse to officials and amongst spectators.

These are very much immediate responses however there are deeper emotional moments which take place. I have MANY memories (and a couple of photos) of players sitting on their own, in dark dingy hall ways that are often a common feature of old squash clubs. Flooded with tears, head in their hands trying to reason with themselves what just went wrong. I know I’ve definitely been in this position before, and it’s even harder when you are far from home.

As a coach, is it your job to pull that person back to normality? No! Well not initially anyway. Losing is a learning curve and if emotional dependence always comes from leaning on a coach then there is no independent behaviours being developed. As coaches we have to take a firmer stance on this. This mollycoddling attitude that coaches and parents feel they have to adopt is nonsense in my opinion. There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting your head in your hands for 15 minutes on your own to compute what has just happened. This is what builds:

GRIT

Resilience

The skill of performance reflection

Independance

Sport provides young people, and even more seasoned competitors with opportunities to grow, particularly in losing scenarios.

I once spoke to a player immediately after a big loss and got swiftly informed that I should “F*ck Off!”.

Probably fair enough. I’ve never done it since. I wait for them to come to me…and they will come eventually. It works for me, possibly worth a try!

Learning to lose at a young age, is often more important that winning at times. However, in training scenarios or in independent work, encouraging the skill of reflection throughout will mean that young players will be able to reflect, even when they win! This is a powerful tool! Reflecting on what went well, is just as important as identifying what went wrong, which quite often happens when you first bring up the skill of reflection as a new concept.

Eventually when you ask the players you work with “How did that go…?” You might eventually get:

“I really took the chance to go short in front and it paid off.”

“My volley in front of the shortline was really working for me.”

“I moved quickly of the ball from the front and hunted down every volley.”

Instead of:

“I played crap.”

“I can’t play drop shots”

“I played good.”

“They were just better than me”

Encourage reflection! It makes losing and winning a much more thought provoking process that will lead to more benefits down the line into future success in sport, business and in life. I constantly try to reflect on my performances as a coach and for me, I can sometimes find it quite difficult, however I can see positive performance benefits when I get it right. I firmly believe that the success that the players I work with have is due to them being encouraged to reflect.

Thanks for reading!

