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The First Child

I can't even begin to tell you how many marriages I've seen break down into petty bickering and ugly bile because the new parents went to the extreme of devoting 100 percent of their attention to the child. In every case, one of the parents ends up feeling resentment for the other because of that void, while the other feels resentment in return because the first person appears needy and just keeps getting in the way.

And no, it's not just a case of "My genitals need to be slapped around." It's about inclusion and acknowledgement.

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"Why don't you tell that fuckhead behind you to stop being such a sulky pussy?"

But After That, You Realize ...

Yes, the child deserves to have two happy parents working in conjunction in order to make her life more comfortable and stress-free ... but equally as important is that you also deserve that same benefit. And that means taking some time for you and your partner. Unfortunately, that lack of connection is extremely common, because no new parent is comfortable leaving their kid alone with a babysitter for the first time. We feel like any time away from the baby makes us neglectful, and all we can picture when we're away is the sitter laughing maniacally while she flame-throwers our house and punts our child around the room like a soccer ball.

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That line of thinking is horseshit. In order to make this work, you absolutely have to remember that romance is an actual part of your relationship. It's hard. When you have a child, your entire life turns into work and chores. Everything feels clinical because you feel like the slightest misstep could spell disaster. So what happens is that you end up neglecting things like dates -- or, hell, even an hour's break to just get out and call attention to the fact that you are emotionally committed to this person and that they are just as important as the child.