WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT

In some potentially groundbreaking news out of Betoota’s Flight Path District this moring, a local Nonno reckons he knows what this whole COVID-19 thing is about.

Speaking to his grandson this morning, Luca Esposito (82) revealed that the coronavirus crisis might actually be manufactured by ‘the powerful forces at work.’

Unlike the popular conspiracy theory developed by right-wing boomers that the virus is a Chinese designed tool to bring the Western economy to its knees, or the one spread amongst Northern Rivers Facebook pages attributing it to Big Pharma – Nonno reckons it’s the banks way of killing off cash for good.

“Fucken bull shit,” he explained over the phone to his grandson Zach.

“This big banks trying to destroy cash and make sure they control your money at all times,” explained the retired tiler.

Nonno went on to explain that with business refusing to accept cash payments, and everything being digital nowadays, the cash economy is in serious trouble.

“But there’s no fucken virus on my cash,” he continued referring to his treasured old shoebox.

He then told his grandson that he refuses to bend, and after years of getting 10% off for paying cash, he isn’t about to stop anytime soon.