Accordion Player Denied Spot On Worship Band Again

PLYMOUTH, MA—Skilled accordionist Jake Millender has been denied a place on the worship band yet again, sources at Mayflower Christian Church confirmed Wednesday.

Millender gave a passionate audition last week but did not get a callback for some reason. This is the third year in a row that the man was not selected to participate in the worship band.

"I just don't understand it," the puzzled, deflated musician told a friend as the two threw back a few Hi-Cs to dull the emotional pain of rejection. "I absolutely slayed that solo in 'Oceans.' And did you hear my intro to 'Reckless Love' or what? That would have had the whole congregation in tears."

"They let Becky on to be a background singer, and she can't even sing. She's just hot," he added bitterly.

The accordion player cites as his inspirations bands like DC Talk, the Newsboys, and Weird Al Yankovic. "When I heard 'Bohemian Polka' for the first time, it changed my life. I gave my life to the Lord and dedicated my life to the accordion. I just know that the Lord wants to use me on the worship band, and I can't figure out why they're not letting me on."

At publishing time, a discouraged Millender had considered taking up the bagpipes.

A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here

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