Over the past fifty-seven months, I will have been pregnant thirty of them, or approximately 53% of the time. If I were a baseball player my batting average would shatter all records and clearly make me the MVP. In addition to being pregnant for thirty months, I’ve breastfed for twenty months. So, since December 2007

Over the past fifty-seven months, I will have been pregnant thirty of them, or approximately 53% of the time. If I were a baseball player my batting average would shatter all records and clearly make me the MVP. In addition to being pregnant for thirty months, I’ve breastfed for twenty months. So, since December 2007 I’ve had my body all to myself for a total of SEVEN months! I feel that entitles me the right to complain about a few things, so here I go…

I feel and have felt great amounts of love and support from all of my family and friends during my pregnancies, but here are some things that I have heard (even from those I love most) that you really should never say to a pregnant woman:

Wow, you’re pregnant again, did you PLAN this? Wow, what a rude question, and guess what…even if I didn’t plan it, I would never tell you, or actually admit out loud that this was a mistake!

Wow, what a rude question, and guess what…even if I didn’t plan it, I would never tell you, or actually admit out loud that this was a mistake! Your boobs are huge! Really! I hadn’t noticed the two cantaloupes hanging from the front of body that emerge from every camisole, tank top, sports bra, fitted top, and corset know to man! They’re big? Maybe that explains why I’m in pain every time I MOVE. Guess what, I have no control over it, so enjoy them while they last. And as a side note it is not socially more acceptable to comment on someone’s boobs than it is to comment on the size of one’s ass, despite what people think. So the next time you tell me my boobs are big, be prepared for me to tell you your ass is.

Really! I hadn’t noticed the two cantaloupes hanging from the front of body that emerge from every camisole, tank top, sports bra, fitted top, and corset know to man! They’re big? Maybe that explains why I’m in pain every time I MOVE. Guess what, I have no control over it, so enjoy them while they last. And as a side note it is not socially more acceptable to comment on someone’s boobs than it is to comment on the size of one’s ass, despite what people think. So the next time you tell me my boobs are big, be prepared for me to tell you your ass is. You are definitely having a girl, look how you are carrying all over. Ok, so you basically just said I was all around fat. Thanks, and there is a 50% chance you are wrong and I’m having a boy, then what will you say to me…guess those were just love handles?

Ok, so you basically just said I was all around fat. Thanks, and there is a 50% chance you are wrong and I’m having a boy, then what will you say to me…guess those were just love handles? You must be due any day now! Or, two months, but thank you!

Or, two months, but thank you! You look EXHAUSTED, you should get some rest. Thank you for pointing out that I look like hell, but I have a toddler, a preschooler, and a job, you try putting your feet up and resting with that amount of responsibility…HA!

Thank you for pointing out that I look like hell, but I have a toddler, a preschooler, and a job, you try putting your feet up and resting with that amount of responsibility…HA! Your belly is getting so BIG! I’m pregnant, it’s suppose to be growing, enough said!

I’m pregnant, it’s suppose to be growing, enough said! Are you staying cool in this heat? My mascara is running down my face and my pit stains have now become flank stains, is that really an appropriate question to ask?

My mascara is running down my face and my pit stains have now become flank stains, is that really an appropriate question to ask? Are those maternity pants you are wearing? Nah, they are just some other synthetic, stretchy waist pants in a horrible print that I got on clearance at Target.

Nah, they are just some other synthetic, stretchy waist pants in a horrible print that I got on clearance at Target. Do you think that you will have another baby? Right now I’m just trying to survive.

Right now I’m just trying to survive. Well, you are just a lot bigger than she is normally. Yes, this the response my husband gave me when I asked how I looked compared to another pregnant friend of ours. Guys out there reading this…it’s never ok to say this, NEVER ok to say this…don’t ever forget it!

To all the pregnant, working Mamas out there, trying to survive this awful heat let me know the obnoxious, rude and hysterical things you’ve been told or asked. I’m sending you all lots of baby love, and keep up the good work, it’s worth it!