Anyone want to read '11 Things Bill Shorten Believes In'?

The Labor Party has a bit of an image problem. Despite maintaining a solid lead in most opinion polls since the last election, Opposition Leader Bill Shorten’s approval rating is in the can and it’s increasingly unclear whether he can win an election against one of the worst governments in living memory. The ALP’s acquiescence to government policies like the data retention scheme, the internet filter and the gagging of detention centre workers have attracted the ire of progressives, and the ABC miniseries The Killing Season reminded everybody just how screwed up the party can be sometimes.

To find its voice again in these troubled times and reconnect with a #youth increasingly looking elsewhere for political engagement, the party has boldly ventured into the scary, newfangled world of online to churn out viral videos, dank-as-fuck memes and other sick Labor content the kids will froth over.

About a month ago Labor launched a Pozible campaign looking to raise $30,000 to kickstart something called the Labor Herald, a “digital-only progressive website” that promised to produce “content that cuts through and helps those Abbott-lovers think a little more critically about what really matters,” and was accompanied by a vaguely inspirational video that talks about the internet like an exciting new phenomenon and not the thing law enforcement agencies use to hoover up your metadata so rights holders can sue you for downloading Game of Thrones.

People stumped up, and the site has gone live this afternoon ahead of schedule, in all its slick, incredibly naff glory. Featuring a few pilot articles courtesy of senior Labor pollies, a verbatim Paul Keating speech broken up into five separate videos and a feature about crystal meth by Derryn Hinch, of all people, the Labor Herald is part Buzzfeed, part Labor press release, and very, very weird.

Unsurprisingly, lots of the articles are glowing endorsements of Bill Shorten, either about him or written by the man himself; you can read a Shorten speech about social services dressed up under the headline ‘Bill Shorten Talked About Bludgers And it Was Awesome’, read the transcript of a Shorten interview on the ABC’s Insiders, or finally discover ‘11 Things Bill Shorten Believes In‘; an article that’d be ripe enough for parody without a photo of Shorten staring blankly into the distance.

In an article about itself, the Labor Herald says that one of its main goals is to “create jobs for journos” and encourage readers to submit their own content for publication via “ideas playground” The Lab. Journalism that criticises the Labor Party, however, is presumably something the Labor Herald isn’t going to do too much of. Searches for certain prickly topics don’t yield a whole heap of joy so far, and it remains to be seen how much critique of party policy and process the Herald tolerates.

While it might not be the place for ripping on Labor’s support for controversial policies, the Labor Herald is indisputably your one-stop shop for the kind of clunky, laboured “shareable” content your aunty is so eager to show you in chain email threads. Want to know the ten best politicians on social media, most of whom, inexplicably, are from Labor? Of course you do, median urban voter aged 18 to 35! You love The Tweets! You’re so crazy.

I’m being a teensy bit mean here; there are some interesting reads about feminism, politics and the Labor Party’s direction from people like Laurie Oakes and Wendy Harmer which are worth your time. But there’s also stuff like this would-be viral video about Bronwyn Bishop’s helicopter fuck-up, featuring the Apocalypse Now soundtrack being abruptly cut off by footage of Bill Shorten speaking outside a fruiterers.

Presumably if Bill Shorten’s leadership starts looking shaky we can expect articles like ’10 Amazing Ways Anthony Albanese Will Be A Great Prime Minister’ and ‘OMG! Bill Shorten Doesn’t Have A Strong Vision For Australia LOL!!!’ to start appearing. You tried, guys.