OREGON TRAIL MEETS DEATH NOTE

HOKAY SO, I WAS LOOKING THROUGH MY OLD COMPUTER GAMES AND FOUND OREGON TRAIL. SINCE I REMEMBERED YOU COULD "NICKNAME" THE PEOPLE YOU TAKE WITH YOU, I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE LULZY TO CREATE A GAME WITH DEATH NOTE.

MOST OF THE QUOTES AREN'T VERBATIM BECAUSE I KEPT FORGETTING EXACTLY WHAT THEY'D SAID AND I COULDN'T MAKE THEM REPEAT IT.

AND SO IT BEGINS...

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/1WATARI.JPG

IT'S SO NICE OF WATARI TO GREET ME ON MY WAY INTO TOWN.

THE CHARACTERS. LET ME SHOW YOU THEM.

MATT AKA THEOPHILUS FARNUM

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/3MATT.JPG

"AND IF WE BECOME FRIENDS... I MIGHT EVEN PLAY YOU A SONG ON MY FLUTE."

HE TOTALLY MEANT SOMETHING ELSE BY THAT... ONE LOOK AT HIS FACE AND THE WAY HE'S TALKING AND YOU KNOW FOR SURE.

LIGHT AKA RANDALL MORGAN

CHOSEN BECAUSE HE'S A LOOKALIKE, AT LEAST CLOTHES WISE. AND HE WAS SHIFTY-EYING THE WHOLE TIME SO HE'S TOTALLY A CRIMINAL. OTHER THAN THAT HE'S KINDA CREEPY AND I PROBABLY WOULDN'T HAVE BROUGHT HIM ON MY WAGON TRAIN IN THE FIRST PLACE. BUT, SINCE THIS IS A WONDERFUL GAME FILLED WITH CRACK RAINBOWS AND KIRA-SPARKLES, I TOOK HIM ONBOARD ANYWAY. :D

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/4LIGHT.JPG

O_O THE SCREENSHOT I TOOK TO SHOW YOU ALL THE HILARIOUSITY THAT WAS THE LOOKALIKE-NESS DID NOT WORK. IN FACT, IT WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT DID NOT WORK. JUST AS PLANNED?

L AKA EDWARD STURBRIDGE (OKAY, DON'T SHOOT ME, I WAS DESPERATE FOR AN L. THIS WAS THE ONLY GUY I COULD CHOOSE, ANYWAY.)

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/5L.JPG

IT SCARES ME THAT HE LOOKS LIKE SOME SORT OF WATARI/YAGAMI-PAPA HYBRID.

MELLO AKA CASEY O'NEILL

"IS IT BECAUSE I'M LANKY? WELL, I'M AS MUCH OF A MAN AS ANYONE HERE, AND I'LL SHOW THEM I AM IF THEY THINK I'M NOT!"

"IF SPIRITS NEED LIFTING, I COULD PULL OUT MY FIDDLE AND PLAY A FEW JIGS. FATHER O'LEARY SAID I WAS THE FINEST FIDDLER IN ALL OF THE COUNTY."

I SWEAR HE WINKED WHEN HE SAID THAT. ISN'T IT IRONIC THAT HIM AND MATT WOULD BE THE ONES TO MENTION THEIR "INSTRUMENTS"?

YEAH, HE'S ANOTHER LIGHT LOOKALIKE... BUT I NEEDED A MELLO, AND WHEN HE SAID THE WHOLE BIT ABOUT BEING JUST AS MANLY AS EVERYONE ELSE, I KNEW I'D FOUND HIM.

...EVEN THOUGH HE'S IRISH.

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/6MELLO.JPG

HE'S JUST SO GOSHDERNED HAPPY THAT I DECIDED TO BRING HIM ALONG. SEE THAT? HIS HANDS ARE EVEN FLAILING WITH THE EXCITEMENT. HE WON'T BE SO HAPPY WHEN HE FINDS OUT THERE IS NO CHOCOLATE ONBOARD.

I EVEN LOOKED SPECIFICALLY IN THE STORE FOR IT -- I HAD TO SETTLE FOR CANDY INSTEAD, BUT L IS PROBABLY GOING TO SNARF UP ALL 4 POUNDS OF IT BEFORE MELLO CAN EVEN BLINK. YES, I JUST WASTED LIKE 4 BUCKS ON THAT CANDY WHEN IT COULD HAVE GONE FOR MORE USEFUL THINGS LIKE ADORABLE PIGGIES THAT WILL MOST DEFINITELY BE MADE INTO PORKCHOPS BEDTIME CUDDLEY THINGS, OR THE SPECIAL CONSUMME CHIPS COMPLETE WITH KIRA-SPARKLES THAT LIGHT WILL PROBABLY SAKUJO ME FOR FORGETTING LATER. TOO BAD, LIGHT-O. THE STORE DIDN'T HAVE ANY.

(IN CASE YOU GUYS WERE WONDERING FROM THE CONFUSING MESS OF MY GRAMMAR UP THERE, THE PIGGIES ARE NOT TURNING INTO CHIPS. IT MIGHT BE BETTER FOR US ALL IF THEY DID, THOUGH.)

NEAR AKA ME (I DON'T LIKE NEAR REALLY, BUT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE LULZY IF IT ENDED UP THAT EVERYONE DIED BUT ME. SINCE THAT HAPPENS MORE OFTEN THAN NOT. FOR ME, ANYWAY.)

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/7NEARCOS.PNG

THIS IS A PICTURE OF ME COSPLAYING AS NEAR, JUST FOR YOU PEOPLE AT HOME. YES I KNOW IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/8IDERUNSTHESTORE.JPG

IDE ALSO RUNS THE STORE. TRUFAX.

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/9-1337.JPG

I WAS SO CLOSE TO HAVING 1337 MONEY AFTER BUYING A BUNCH OF CRAP NECESSARY THINGS THAT I THOUGHT IT DESERVED A SCREENSHOT.

IT IS MOST CERTAINLY AN OMEN OF GOOD LUCK.

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/10-GANGSTAINDIAN.JPG

ON THE BANK OF THE KANSAS RIVER, WE MET AN INDIAN WHO WANTED TO BE A GANGSTA. HE ALSO WANTED US TO GO AWAY. SO WE DID.

LOOKING AT THE INTERESTING THINGS I COULD DO WITH THE GAME, I FOUND THE DIARY.

ITS USAGE AS THE DEATH NOTE HAS BEGUN.

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/11BROWNFOX.JPG

REMEMBER THAT GANGSTA INDIAN? WELL, HE TOLD US HIS NAME WITHOUT EVEN BEING SNEAKY ABOUT IT, AND SINCE HE HATED US SO MUCH, LIGHT DECIDED TO PUNISH HIM. THE WORLD WAS BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM ANYWAY.

PLEASE BE EXCUSING THE LACK OF CAPSLOCK IN THE SCREENSHOT.

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/12RAINBOWMELLO.JPG

CIRCLING THE WAGONS, MELLO STARTS TO TELL ME A STORY ABOUT THE PRETTIEST TOWN IN IRELAND THAT IS SURROUNDED BY RAINBOWS.

I KNEW THIS GAME WAS RAINBOW-FILLED.

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/13MANCHANTIA.JPG

WE MEET ANOTHER INDIAN WHO GIVES OUT HER NAME LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW. SHE DOESN'T AGREE WITH OUR MOTIVES FOR LEAVING, SO SHE GOES IN THE DEATH NOTE AS WELL.

L SEEMS TO BE DOING WORSE THAN THAN THE REST OF US. HOPEFULLY HE'S NOT GETTING SICK. MAYBE HE JUST MISSES WATARI.

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/14GUNSHOT.JPG

MELLO WENT HUNTING AND SHOT HIMSELF.

L TELLS ME HE'S ANNOYED AT EVERYONE WHO'S MISSING THEIR LOVED ONES. WTF L, I THOUGHT YOU WERE MISSING WATARI?!

HE SAYS HE'S GLAD TO BE ALONE FOR A CHANGE. THAT DOESN'T MAKE MUCH SENSE, SEEING AS HE'S STILL GOT LIGHT AND MELLO AND MATT AND NEAR TO BUG HIM EVERY WAKING MOMENT OF EVERY DAY.

WE MET THE SHERIFF, WHO SAYS HE'S TRACKING DOWN "THE MOST DESPICABLE CHARACTER YOU'RE LIABLE TO MEET DURING YOUR ENTIRE JOURNEY." OBVIOUSLY HE MEANS KIRA, SO IT'S INTO THE DEATH NOTE HE GOES.

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/15DEATHNOTE.JPG

JUST TO BE SAFE, LIGHT INVOLVES ANOTHER PERSON IN TOWN, A CERTAIN HETTY CAULFIELD. SHE'S A MANLY WOMAN, SO LIGHT BELIEVES SHE IS PERFECT FOR THE JOB.

L IS DOING "VERY POOR." I HOPE HE DOESN'T DIE.

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/16LIGHTO.JPG

NOW YOU FINALLY GET TO SEE WHAT LIGHT LOOKS LIKE!

I THINK RYUK MIGHT BE TRYING TO RAPE HIM.

MELLO SUGGESTS THAT HE COULD "PULL OUT HIS FIDDLE AND PLAY A TUNE THAT'LL GET YOUR FEET TAPPING." I'M NOT SO SURE IF I WANT TO TAKE HIM UP ON THAT OFFER.

WE MEET "JACK" ON THE BANK OF THE PLATTE RIVER. HE REFUSES TO GIVE US HIS LAST NAME. HE'S OBVIOUSLY A CRIMINAL.

HE EVEN MENTIONS THE SHERIFF LIGHT KILLED A WHILE BACK. HE LOOKS LIKE HE WANTS TO KILL GOOD OL' RUFUS HIMSELF. TOO BAD, JACKIE, WE'VE ALREADY TAKEN CARE OF THAT FOR YA.

ONE OF THE INDIANS FOLLOWED US. WE MET "QUILLING WOMAN" ABOUT 50 MILES BACK, AND HERE SHE IS AGAIN. O_O (NO SCREENSHOT 'CAUSE SHE'S NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH FOR ONE XP)

WE COME INTO THE ROBIDOUX PASS TRADING POST AND MEET THIS REALLY CREEPY GUY. HE SEEMS LIKE HE'S EITHER A PEDOPHILE OR A RAPIST OR BOTH. INTO THE DEATH NOTE~

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/17LDIED.JPG

OH SNAP!! L DIED! HE HAD CHOLERA FOR ALL OF TWO SECONDS. :'(

MATT MISSES HIS FRUITS AND VEGETABLES. XD

ALSO, HE DOESN'T MIND HELPING WITH CHORES. MATT, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!

WE MEET A QUACK DOCTOR WHO "INVENTED" THIS MIRACLE ELIXIR. LIGHT DOESN'T BELIEVE HIM AND WRITES DOWN HIS NAME. IT HOLDS THE RECORD FOR LONGEST NAME EVAR: FINEUS MAXIMINIMUS DUFFY.

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/18FLUTEMATT.JPG

MATT LOVES HIS FLUTE. HE LOVES IT SO MUCH. (YES HE IS HOLDING A FLUTE STFU)

LIGHT IS SICK OF EATING JUST MEAT. SO IS MELLO. I THINK THEY'RE ALL GOING INSANE FROM EATING ALL THAT BEAR MEAT.

THEN I TURN AROUND AND MELLO WANTS MEAT. WTF MELLO! MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/19OHGOD.JPG

OH GOD SOMEONE ELSE DIED. I'M SAD TO SAY IT MIGHT BE MELLO.

...IT WAS. D: I GUESS HIS GUNSHOT WOUND NEVER FULLY HEALED.

HOW CAN MORALE STILL BE HIGH WHEN YOU'VE GOT TWO DEAD PEOPLE YOU'RE STILL LUGGING AROUND?!

IT'S NOT LIKE LOOKING AT THEM WILL HELP, EITHER.

LIGHT: "HOW'S L DOING?"

MATT: "OH, STILL DEAD."

MATT DOESN'T EVEN SEEM TO BE MOURNING THE DEATH OF HIS GAY LOVER BEST FRIEND, EITHER. MATT, YOU HORRIBLE PERSON YOU.

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/20MATTISPISSED.JPG

MATT IS PISSED AT THE LACK OF MEAT. NOT THAT I CAN BLAME HIM; I GUESS ANGER'S HIS WAY OF MOURNING.

THERE WAS ANOTHER ACCIDENTAL GUNSHOT WOUND BUT APPARENTLY NO ONE GOT HURT.

IN OTHER NEWS, SAL'S COOKIES ARE BURNING LIGHT HAS A BAD COLD. LOL.

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/22AGBC.JPG

I GUESS MAYBE THE GAME LAGGED, BECAUSE NOW LIGHT HAS THE ACCIDENTAL GUNSHOT WOUND. ACTUALLY, HE HAS AN ACCIDENTAL GUNSHOT BAD COLD. SEEMS LIKE A HORRIBLE THING TO BE SICK WITH.

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/23COLD.JPG

CURSE YOU, LIGHT-O! YOU GAVE MATT YOUR COLD!

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/24AGAGBC.JPG

XD NOW LIGHT HAS AN ACCIDENTAL GUNSHOT ACCIDENTAL GUNSHOT BAD COLD. POOR POOR LIGHT-O.

WE MEET A CRAZY PROSPECTOR BY THE NAME OF JUBELATION HIGGENBOTTOM. HIS NAME IS REASON ENOUGH FOR THE DEATH NOTE.

UNFORTUNATELY THAT WAS LIGHT'S DYING ACTION. :O THOSE ACCIDENTAL GUNSHOT ACCIDENTAL GUNSHOT BAD COLDS ARE DEADLY!

ALSO UNFORTUNATELY I DIDN'T GET A SCREENSHOT OF HIS BURIAL OR EVEN GOT TO GIVE HIM A BURIAL BECAUSE MATT INTERRUPTED ME WITH HIS STARVATION.

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/25STARVE.JPG

GERDDERNIT, I SHOOT LIKE FIFTY MILLION BEARS EVERY TIME I GO HUNTING AND IT'S DEVOURED BY 3 PEOPLE IN USUALLY LESS THAN A WEEK. AT LEAST IT'S ONLY MATT AND NEAR LEFT, AND THEY CAN'T EAT MUCH. ...I HOPE.

ARGH. MATT ACQUIRED HIS OWN ACCIDENTAL GUNSHOT BAD COLD. I DON'T THINK HE'S GOING TO LAST VERY LONG EITHER.

STUPID STUPID NEAR, WHO'S BEEN OF PERFECT HEALTH THE WHOLE TRIP. D<

GAH, MATT DIED!! OF EITHER HIS HORRIBLE "STARVATION" WHILE HE EATS FIFTY POUNDS OF BEAR MEAT A DAY, OR THE ACCIDENTAL GUNSHOT BAD COLD. NEAR'S THE ONLY ONE LEFT, AND HE'S STARVING TOO. BLEH. THIS GAME WAS DOOMED FROM THE START. DOOMED!!!!

EVEN THOUGH WE HAD ALMOST 1337 MONEY. I GUESS SINCE IT WASN'T EXACTLY 1337 IT WAS A BAD OMEN, NOT A GOOD ONE. :(

THERE AREN'T VERY MANY LULZ FROM THIS ANYMORE, BUT I'LL STICK IT OUT AND MAYBE NEAR'LL GET TO OREGON ALL BY HIMSELF, ALL 88 POUNDS OF HIM. SPEAKING OF WHICH, HE'S AMAZING -- HE CAN CARRY 75 POUNDS OF DEAD ANIMAL MEATS BACK TO THE WAGON AFTER HUNTING. HOMG WUT I KNOW.

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/26HAPPYBDAY.JPG

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, L. YOU JUST TURNED NEGATIVE 131. AND YOU'RE DEAD ALREADY. HOW THIS IS POSSIBLE, I SHALL NEVER KNOW.

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/27MATSUDA.JPG

AT LEAST I FOUND MATSUDA. HAY GUISE HE'S AN INDIAN LOL. (STFU I KNOW IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE MATSUDA BUT HE TOTALLY ACTED LIKE HIM SO)

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/28DUFFY.JPG

OH NOES I THOUGHT LIGHT SAKUJO'D THIS GUY!! MAYBE THAT WASN'T HIS REAL NAME. OBVIOUS, I GUESS, SINCE WHO THE HECK WOULD BE NAMED FINEUS MAXIMINIMUS DUFFY!? OR I JUST GOT THE SPELLING WRONG. PROBABLY THAT, ACTUALLY, SINCE MAXIMINIMUS IS NOT A COMMON NAME TO BE HAVING.

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/30SLAYMAN.JPG

THIS GUY SLAYS ME. HE SAID "YOU LOOK LIKE YOU JUST CRAWLED OUT FROM UNDER A ROCK, 'CEPT YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU'RE STRONG ENOUGH TO HAVE MOVED THE ROCK IN THE FIRST PLACE!" YUP. THAT'S NEAR FOR YOU. :D

AND, SO THIS GUY CAN ALSO SLAY YOU, HERE IS A LOVELY ANIMATION.

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/31SLAYMANANI.GIF

HTTP://I63.PHOTOBUCKET.COM/ALBUMS/H125/NEKOKITTYKY/OREGONTRAILDN/32ENDNEAR.JPG

WELL, NEAR DIES A FEW DAYS SHORT OF MELLO'S BIRTHDAY. I WAS HOPING HE'D HOLD OUT TILL THEN, SINCE I THINK MELLO WOULD AGREE THAT IT WOULD BE TEH BEST PRESENT EVAR. ALSO, MOUNT FUJI IS IN THE BACKGROUND OF HIS DEATH PICTURE, BUT I DIGRESS.