I’m sure you’ve seen the photo by now: Gayle King sitting serenely and staring calmly ahead, while R Kelly looms over her, gesticulating violently. The shot, taken during King’s interview with Kelly this week, quickly went viral.

It wasn’t just the striking juxtaposition of King’s professional calm and Kelly’s frenzied rage that made the photo an instant classic. It was the fact the juxtaposition was so familiar. As many people noted, the image was a flashback to Brett Kavanaugh’s hearing before the Senate judiciary committee last year. Dr Christine Blasey Ford was composed and measured while she gave her testimony. She didn’t raise her voice; she didn’t let her emotions get the better of her. Kavanaugh, in contrast, ranted and raged. He didn’t care about being emotional because he knew he would never get called ‘hysterical’ or ‘irrational’ or ‘shrill’ or ‘crazy.’ He knew that we treat angry men very differently than we do angry women.

That wasn’t a purely emotional statement, by the way; there are endless studies documenting the gender rage gap. A 2015 study out of Arizona State University, for example, found that male jurors were seen as more credible to their peers when they expressed an opinion with anger. However, when women expressed identical arguments with anger, they were seen as more emotional, and therefore less credible. And certainly less likely, one imagines, to be given a lifelong seat on the supreme court.

Kelly and Kavanaugh’s situations aren’t entirely analogous, of course. Nevertheless it’s worth comparing the two, because their respective outbursts tell us a lot about the art of the Male Meltdown. Let’s (calmly) break this phenomenon down together, shall we?

Rule 1: Make yourself the victim

The cardinal rule of the Male Meltdown is that nothing is ever your fault. Your anger is justified and righteous because you are the victim in this situation. You have been slandered and maligned and you are defending yourself. “Y’all killing me with this shit!” R Kelly yelled when King asked him about the 10 counts of aggravated criminal sexual abuse he’s been charged with. “I gave up 30 years of my career. 30 years!”

Kavanaugh acted equally defensively when confronted with the notion that there might be consequences for his high school behavior. Rather than considering his actions, he immediately made himself the victim, ranting that the hearing was a “calculated and orchestrated political hit” and “revenge on behalf of the Clintons.”

Thanks to good old fashioned misogyny men get away with justifying their anger by turning themselves into the victim of a situation. A 2008 study (Can an Angry Woman Get Ahead?) found that people are more likely to explain female anger as the result of internal factors like their personality (‘she’s just crazy!’) than external factors, such as the situation they were getting angry about.

Rule 2: Be a rich white guy

While R Kelly did a great job of making himself a victim, he fell a little short on being a white guy. Which is a pity for him as conservative commentators might have cut him a little more slack if he had been. There is a gender rage gap but there is also a racial rage gap; we treat black anger very differently than we do white anger. Indeed, a study last year found that “black adult faces were 4.12 times more likely to be incorrectly labeled as angry than white adult faces.” It also found that “anger bias for white males was almost nonexistent.” We seem to love giving angry white guys the benefit of the doubt.

Rule 3: Be a ‘bad boy’

Women who frequently display outbursts of emotion are known as ‘divas.’ Men, on the other hand, are known as ‘bad boys.’ Just look at former tennis star John McEnroe who is often described as a “legendary bad boy” rather than an entitled athlete with anger management issues. In stark contrast to Serena Williams, of course, who is derided as an Angry Black Woman whenever she raises her voice. Having a meltdown is considered a sign of weakness if you’re a woman; if you’re a man it’s considered edgy. It becomes part of your brand.

Rule 4: Gaslight everyone

Another key facet of the Male Meltdown is to deny that you are being in any way irrational; rather it’s women who are being unreasonable in their reaction to your behaviour. It is scientifically proven after all that women are the emotional ones.