Trump Releases List Of Possible Cabinet Members If He's Elected

PALM BEACH, FL—As the delegates keep piling up, it appears that Donald Trump is moving closer to being the Republican nominee. When asked about possible cabinet members in a Trump presidency Wednesday, The Donald replied, “I’m going to find the smartest and most successful people to do those jobs. They will be winners, that I can tell you.”

Following his statement to the press, Trump released a shortlist of possible cabinet members Thursday morning, with justifications for each choice. Some of the picks seem obvious, while others are a bit more controversial:

VICE PRESIDENT

Does it matter? All Trump, all the time.

DEPARTMENT OF STATE

Jeff Probst, because he’s good at negotiating with competing factions, and somehow Survivor is still on TV.

DEPARTMENT OF THE TREASURY

Oprah, because she is really rich, too. And I love women. She will likely accept because, as I’ve said, I’ve always had a great relationship with the blacks.

DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE

The X-men. Even though they are mutants, I assume some of them are good people. Plus they have cool powers.

DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE

One of those guys from Suits. Doesn’t matter which one.

DEPARTMENT OF THE INTERIOR

Some large coal or oil corporation’s CEO. Must be a Washington outsider.

DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE

Jerry Miller, founder of FarmersOnly.com.

DEPARTMENT OF COMMERCE

Jordan Belfort, the Wolf of Wall Street. Winner.

DEPARTMENT OF LABOR

Bill Rancic, winner of The Apprentice , Season 1. Because he’s a winner, and we’re going to win so much that we’ll be sick of winning. And then we’ll win some more.

DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES

The remaining surviving cast of Grey’s Anatomy.

DEPARTMENT OF HOUSING AND URBAN DEVELOPMENT

Chip and Joanna Gaines. If they can do for America what they’ve done for Waco, we’ll be on our way to greatness again.

DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION

Kyle Bush, NASCAR champion. Winner.

DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY

Deadpool. Not sure why, but it just feels right.

DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

Barney. The obvious choice.

DEPARTMENT OF VETERANS AFFAIRS

Alan Alda, to honor my liberal past, and to reach across the aisle.

DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY

Jason Bourne. He kills bad guys. We need more of that.

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost. Get FREE Access *with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee