From comments about my race, to weird questions about my personal life, how do I deal with micro-aggressions at work as a black woman?

It can be so annoying when it’s seen as your duty to decode the black-girl way for your co-workers, but I would do it with humour. Adopt a David Attenborough-style tone, explaining your traditions and dialling up your exotic “otherness”: “In our tribe, we don’t even consider dating anyone unless they own 25 cows. Minimum.” If they’re smart, they’ll soon see their own ludicrousness. If not, then you get a good laugh out of leaving them awestruck with your “culture”.

My preferred way? Equality through normalisation. Identity and culture are what make us who we are, and just as we shouldn’t have to suppress them, we shouldn’t have to feel they’re being paraded around for entertainment. Respond to the microaggressions as though someone was asking what you had for lunch. Tell them your point of view, then ask them theirs. Not only is this polite conversation but you’ll learn something, too (my fave thing, obvs).

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When someone says, “Wow! How long does it take you to do your hair?” simply reply, “Oh, about three hours; what about you?” and then ask them about their traditions. Every household has its own, whether that’s Friday night fish and chips (we had saltfish fritters in my house), going to the pub with Dad (I never set foot in a pub till I was 20) or supper with friends at country houses (what is supper – is that like dinner?). As the educator Paulo Freire put it: “The teacher is no longer merely the one who teaches, but one who is taught in dialogue with the students, who in turn while being taught also teach.”

It’s not your responsibility to be the knowledge-bearer for all women of colour, but you can share your individual experience to encourage harmony. That way, everyone grows.

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