16 March, 2017. 13:23

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

As more and more of the River City is reclaimed by property developers and flood water, The Advocate can reveal that nearly all of Brisbane’s eleven architects are legally blind – finally answering the age old riddle as to why every new building built in Brisbane is hideously ugly.

In an afternoon-long investigation undertaken by reporters from The Advocate‘s crack SearchToot investigative journalism team, the root cause of Brisbane’s architecture problem doesn’t stem from fast money and general bad taste as once thought, but from legally blind architectural visionaries.

“If you come across a new building in Brisbane, yes, it will look like they used Lego to come up with the rough plans,” said Gregor Beanman, lead SearchToot reporter.

“We visited the two known Brisbane architecture firms this afternoon and upon meeting the perverts who work there, we’ve been able to conclude that they are blind because what they’re producing is nothing short of offensive.”

Taking aim at the proposed redevelopment of the Treasury Casino site in downtown Brisbane, Beanman said that the local firm contracted to work alongside the Emeriti architectural team who designed the majority of the buildings have their DNA all over the plans.

“You can see where the Dubai influence stops and the Brisbane one starts,” he said.

“It looks like a giant version of what they build after bulldozing a Cannon Hill Queenslander. Too big for the block and cheap. Queensland had a perfectly good style before we decided to get cheap on timber and go rendered brick.”

More to come.