I’m increasingly convinced that there are only two ways of living: (1) trusting God and living in submission to His will and His rule, or (2) trying to be God. There’s little in between. As sinners, we seem to be better at the latter than we are at the former. This spiritual dynamic hits right at the heart of parenting and marriage.

Parenting

Successful parenting is about rightful, God-ordained loss of control. The goal of parenting is to raise children who were once totally dependent on us to be independent, mature people who, with reliance on God and proper connectedness to the Christian community, are able to stand on their own two feet.

In the early years of parenting, we’re in control of everything, and although we complain about the stress of it all, we like having the power. There’s little that infants and very young children choose to do. We choose their food, times of rest, manner of physical exercise, what they see and hear, where they go, who their friends are—the list could go on and on.

However, the truth is that from day one, our children are growing independent. The baby who once was unable to roll over without assistance can now crawl into the bathroom without our permission and unravel an entire roll of toilet paper. This same child will soon be driving away from the house to places well out of our parental reach.

How many parents have struggled with the friends that their children have chosen? Yes, the choice of companions is a very serious matter, but it’s also a place where we surrender control to a maturing child. The goal of parenting is not to retain tightfisted control over our children in an attempt to guarantee their safety and our sanity. Only God is able to exercise that kind of control. Instead, the goal is to be used of Him to instill in our children an ever-maturing self-control through the principles of the Word and to allow them to exercise ever-widening circles of choice, control, and independence.