Mother's heartbreak after 'beautiful' son, 24, kills himself after years suffering from rare disorder that made him think he was ugly

When he was alive, Nathaniel Asselin possessed a brilliant mind and a great natural sweetness that people were drawn to.

But behind this kind, caring 24-year-old lay a secret and a day-to-day battle he fought since he was in fifth grade - Nathaniel had body dysmorphic disorder, a mental illness which causes sufferers to obsess and worry about a flaw in their appearance, one that may not even exist.



On 15 April, 2011, Nathaniel, from Pennsylvania, committed suicide because he could not go on living another day like the one before - the only thing he knew since he was 11-years-old.

Young life: Nathaniel Asselin was just 24 when he took his own life last year after he spent a large part of his life struggling with body dysmorphic disorder Father: Denis is embarking on a 525-mile trek from his home to Boston - on foot - to try and help him with the grieving process, stopping at hospitals and clinics that were part of his son's painful journey and to raise money and awareness

He agonized over every single imperfection - a flaw on his face, how his hair was styled, his physical shape - and grew paranoid that other people were looking at him.

His mother Judy Asselin, a middle school teacher, told ABC about her son: 'A shaving nick or a small blemish, or even just a bump under the skin would keep him in front of the mirror for hours, applying small pieces of Band aid to cover up the marks.



'The irony, of course, was that he had a beautiful complexion.'



Not a care in the world: Nathaniel Asselin was a fiercely intelligent boy with a keen sense of humor who everyone loved

When he was in fifth grade, a healthy interest in running turned into an obsession which then turned into him spending hours upon hours a day studying himself in the mirror.



His mother said that during the 'rollercoaster' of his life, he would tell them: 'I can't do this anymore, I can't wake up in my bed in the morning and do this all over again.'

He was hospitalized several times and tried many treatments, but none of them worked. He started to isolate himself and hopes of becoming an emergency medical technician - because he dreamed of being a hero - were shattered.

Eventually he just gave up his fight after none of the treatments worked and he gave up trying to understand something that is still not widely known.



His father Denis is now embarking on a 525-mile trek from his home to Boston - on foot - to try and help him with the grieving process, stopping at hospitals and clinics that were part of his son's painful journey.

The 64-year-old explains that 'putting one foot in front of the other was a metaphorically powerful symbol for me - how to move forward after the most tragic experience'.

He told ABC: 'It's a conduit for some of the pain and sorrow deep inside. And you are moving, not sedentary. It's like a cleansing that's happening -- and you are doing something.'

He is also hoping to raise money and awareness for BDD.



The family of Nathanial, far right: Mother Judy, left, father Denis and sister Carrie said the 24-year-old was the center of their orbit for so long and now they are thrown out of whack

He has already raised more than $50,000 into research of BDD, which is believed to affect one in every one hundred Americans, making them 45 times greater than the general population to commit suicide.

BODY DYSMORPHIC DISORDER?

Body dysmorphic disorder is a type of chronic mental illness in which you can't stop thinking about a flaw with your appearance — a flaw that is either minor or imagined.

To the sufferer, their appearance seems so shameful that you don't want to be seen by anyone.

Body dysmorphic disorder has sometimes been called 'broken mirror syndrome'. It is a type of OCD, as sufferers obsesses and fret for hours over their appearance and what they deem to be wrong, even though no one else may see it.

It has symptoms of a medical illness, but these cannot be fully explained by an actual physical disorder. One in one hundred people in the U.S. are thought to suffer from BDD.



When it became apparent their son's disorder was going to stop him from achieving his dream career, he instead volunteered to be an ambulance rider, coached track and worked part time at Westfield School, the same school his mother taught at.

His father said of him: 'He was a pied piper. Kids just loved him and they never knew about his struggle because he never complained.'

On the website dedicated to Nathaniel, his dedications are heart-warming and praiseworthy.

'A witty remark, a playful idea for a game, or a stimulating conversation about the latest world events were among the rich possibilities for anyone fortunate enough to be in his company,' it reads.



'Over the years his illness narrowed the circumference of his world, yet he carried his burden with fortitude.



'That he faced each day for so many years knowing the battles ahead is a testament to his courage and strength. He knew joy and suffering to the fullest in a life lived with deliberate thoughtfulness.'

His parents - and his sister Carrie - are now focusing their attention on raising awareness of BDD, finding the cause and better treatment of the debilitating mental illness.



His mother said: 'Nathaniel was the center of our orbit for so long that having him gone throws us all out of whack, but then, so did his disorder.'