Greetings, inbred racist white male neo-Nazi thug trolls with breath like turpentine and moldy asparagus and old tires! What an odd thing seeing you anywhere near San Francisco, in particular anywhere close to my charming, vibrant neighborhood, Alamo Square, after you chickened out relocated your, um, Patriot Prayer “rally” from Crissy Field over to this tiny, delightful gem of a windswept park no one wants you anywhere near!

Were you attempting to bring violence and turmoil to my neighborhood? Are you just here for the publicity and the blunt agitation? Many think so.

Of course you don’t want discussion or debate, or to try and convert anyone to your filthy, brick-dumb “cause.” You simply wish to punch kindness in the face and stab compassion in the eyeball and run back to your parents’ basement, cackling like rocks. And later, crying. And huffing glue.

POLICE ON ALERT: Despite canceled protest event, police stay on alert at Alamo Square

But maybe I’m wrong? Maybe you’re really here for the rainbow flags and the avocado toast and (shhh don’t tell) to unleash your repressed identity and see just how much play you can get on Grindr? Maybe you’re dazzled by the possibility of actually not being a fetid poison of humanity, and SF is your chance to escape?

RELATED: Police, protesters near SF's Alamo Square after right-wing event canceled (story continues below)

In other words, maybe you’re secretly aching to defect, to sneak away from the hateful country of your broken souls and rush into the waiting arms of one of the most inclusive, progressive, intellectually vibrant cities in the world, and put your revolting past behind you as you embrace the world of actual functioning humans who care about one another and share recipes for ethnic food and ecstatically dance on random boats at six in the morning?

ALAMO TO CIVIC: Hundreds of protesters leave Alamo Square for march toward Civic Center

Is it possible? After all, I have little doubt at least a few of you are strolling around the city right now, stunned by how much better and more interesting life can be, how horrible and scum-stupid is your worldview and, in turn, how you can, like millions before you, allow California’s famous progressive/activist culture help you slough off your toxic former identity, shed the violent idiocy that’s poisoned your heart and reveal yourself as you truly wish and dream to be.

Go ahead, you can tell us: What do you really long to be, hateful inbred racist Nazi? A drag queen? Happy tech bro? Neo-hippie pot-growing podiatrist? Giddy Burning Man sculpture artist? Fast-casual Asian-fusion restauranteur? Lavender kombucha microbrewer?

Mixed-race body jewelry designer slash aerial performance artist who restores old boats and makes his own nesting dolls out of leftover iPhone cases and feathers? We got you covered. It's not too late! You can admit your disastrous, cancerous choices right now, and run toward the light!

PATRIOT PRAYER MOVES: Patriot Prayer makes new SF plans on the fly, but details are scarce

Alas, looks like we might not find out. The SF police just shut down Alamo Square park for the day, erected a cyclone fence overnight and blocked all access, for everyone. And they shut you down in Berkeley, too. See what you do? Annoy dog owners, cost the City money, infuriate normal, happy people who just want to hang out with trees and be around nature so as to avoid monstrous jerknoses like you.

Oh, well. Enjoy that basement. Try a breath mint, OK? You make the world sad.