Don’t learn Japanese from novels. No one talks that way.

Don’t learn Japanese from scientific journals. No one talks that way.

Don’t learn Japanese from manga. No one talks that way.

Don’t learn Japanese from newspapers. No one talks that way.

Don’t learn Japanese from sports. No one talks that way.

Don’t learn Japanese from comedy. No one talks that way.

Don’t learn Japanese from young people. You’ll sound like a chav.

Don’t learn Japanese from advertisements. No one talks that way.

Don’t learn Japanese from anime. No one talks that way.

Don’t learn Japanese from women. You’ll sound like a transvestite.

Don’t learn Japanese from shop clerks. No one talks that way.

Don’t learn Japanese from road signs. No one talks that way.

Don’t learn Japanese from downtown Tokyo. You’ll sound preppy.

Don’t learn Japanese from children. You’ll sound like a retard.

Don’t learn Japanese from legal documents. No one talks that way.

Don’t learn Japanese from audiobooks. No one talks that way.

Don’t learn Japanese from old people. No one talks that way.

Don’t learn Japanese from music. No one talks that way.

Don’t learn Japanese from regional dialects. You’ll sound like a hick.

Don’t learn Japanese from computer user interfaces. No one talks that way.

Don’t learn Japanese from fora and textchat. It’s all slang and wickedness.

Don’t learn Japanese from men. They mumble. You’ll sound like a yakuza.

Don’t learn Japanese from self-help books. No one talks that way.

Don’t learn Japanese from science fiction. No one talks that way.

Don’t learn Japanese from video games. No one talks that way.

Don’t learn Japanese from native material. There’s too much slang.

Don’t learn Japanese from TV. No one talks that way.

Learn Japanese from textbooks. That’s the real shiz, playa.