I’m shaken by the fact that UC Merced has taken national news headlines. As an alumnus from the little UC-that-could in the Central Valley, I am still proud to say that I graduated from a place that has one of the strongest aspects of community that I have ever experienced in my life. As I spoke with my circle of friends from school, I found out that we were all connected to the incident in more than one way.

Before I get too far ahead of myself, I want to say that I don’t have facts that should concern you. I have gotten word of more specifics as to what happened this morning but I am not interested in making that the main point of this post. I have cared about UC Merced long before the headlines and will continue long after they have gone. What I am interested in touching on here is what UC Merced really is about for those that have just gotten around to hearing about our little slice of Utopia.

First, you’ve probably heard that the victims were stabbed in the Classrooms and Offices Building. Students call this building C.O.B and come for lectures, discussions, and advising for those students in the Social Sciences. COB is home of the coldest water fountain that I used during my 4 years there. It’s the place where I’ve fallen asleep a handful of times in my writing classes. It also used to be one of the best places to take a peaceful seat on the toilet until a newer neighboring building was completed featuring “singles” restrooms.

I can still hear the chirps of shoes in the halls. I can still feel the hair on my arms and neck standing on end either because of my lack of a response to a question posed by my professor or the chilled air conditioned air wrapping itself around my body. I can still smell the smell of socks when walking into a classroom without air conditioned air. I can still see outside a window to find an empty quad on intensely rainy days. I can still feel the awkwardness of the room when a student pulls open a door only to realize that the class prior is still in session. I can’t even imagine this being the place where students would fear for their lives.

Second, you probably heard that the attacker was fatally shot on the Bridge. The Bridge is the main connection from the “business” side of campus and the “play”side, as I would say to my tour groups. This Bridge is the main route used by anyone navigating UC Merced’s 100-acre grounds. The Bridge is built right on top of the University canal which is the butt of many jokes students make about jumping into some day.

I used to power walk the crap out of that Bridge. I used to generously give high fives, shout outs, and hugs on that Bridge. I used to check out girls on that Bridge. I used to love driving the VIP tour and Lantern Cafe golf carts on that Bridge. I used to get hypnotized by the way the lit pillars lead to the warm glow of the Lantern rising from the ground as you make your way up the Bridge. I used to love the way the orange, pink, and red sunset revealed itself on your way down the Bridge. All sorts of memories that bring my college career back to life have taken place on that Bridge – none ever involving the death of another human being.

Third, you definitely heard about the 4 victims and attacker. UC Merced is home of some of the best damn people that you’ll ever meet – period. This is because UC Merced is a gamble. It takes a certain personality to take the chance that is UC Merced since it’s so raw – for Pioneers and risk-takers only. But all those that ended up there like I did admit that we don’t regret it for a single second.

I met my drinking buddies. I met my dream team. I met my children’s godmothers and godfathers. I met the people that I want to grow old with. I found Love. I met people who know me for who I truly am and not for who I say I am. I have met people with greater problems and triumphs than I could ever have imagined. I never once found hopelessness, despair, weakness, or malice.

These are the memories that I have of C.O.B., the Bridge and the students of UC Merced. I don’t blame you for not having these euphoric memories. How could you even come close without ever attending the school or taking part in the community? I can’t blame you for what you read about UC Merced today and the following days. I will, however, hold you accountable for what you think about my Home moving forward.

UC Merced has taken pieces of me and held on to them. I left my dreams, aspirations, and sweat on UC Merced soil. Along with others like me, those dreams, aspirations, and sweat have grown to be a glowing speck on the map that points towards a brighter future. For all those that have gone through UC Merced’s gates, I take a knee for your contributions that have allowed me to push the University that much closer towards the stars. For those that are there now, I beg you to stand on my shoulders as you do the same. For those of you looking towards the future, I stand proud to say that you can become twice the Man that I have become by having faith in the strength of the community at UC Merced – a kind of strength that can overcome any knife, headline, or tragedy that comes it’s way.

Monica: “I remember just walking up the bridge and [looking up to] always seeing a friend somewhere. Saying ‘Hi’ and catching up would literally happen on your way to class. Maybe that’s why I was always late.” Angelo: “UC Merced is such a tight knit community. Walking up and down Scholars Lane, you will always see people you know. A 10 min walk can easily turn into 30 with all the friendly conversations you can have [on your way] up the hill. Being a former tour guide, you always want the UC to be in the spotlight – but not like this. My heart goes out to the victims and their families. I wish them a speedy recovery.” Reynante: “As I reminisce on my undergraduate career at UC Merced, I remember walking up what the students and alumni call ‘The Hill’ (really, it was barely even a hill), which led to the library and classrooms, seeing groups of students chatting, laughing, skateboarding, eating –simply enjoying themselves. This sight never failed to put a smile on my face. It gave off a sense of community where peace and happiness was noticeable, and judgement was absent. It was home for many, and welcomed all to make it one for themselves. It became my ‘home’ away from home, one I shared with the siblings and mentors I’ve never had, and for all fellow bobcats. A sense of pride and family hovers over the university, and it showed itself the most today. It was warm to read and see students and faculty helping one another on this tragic day. It goes to show that UC Merced will overcome this, and continue to be the loving community I once walked among.”