1. Hot – “You have nice boobs. I would like to see your tan lines.”

2. Smart – “I am intimidated by you. Talk about baseball now.”

3. Gorgeous – “You have a hella body and a pretty ok face too.”

4. Funny – “Stop being weird.”

5. Beautiful – “You are essentially perfect in every way. This is the highest level of physical attraction flattery I can possibly bestow on a woman and you deserve it, my queen.” (Author note: rare.)

6. Sweet – “I really appreciate you sending me that Buzzfeed link of Honey Boo-Boo outtakes. Let’s just be friends.”

7. Sexy – “I am currently imagining you in a dog collar.”

8. Fun – “I really like getting drunk/high and watching Fight Club with you.”

9. Cute – “I know you like them but please stop wearing rompers every time we hang out.”

10. Wild – “Did you brush your hair today?”

11. Mature – “ I was born in 1991 and don’t understand your Bell Biv DeVoe references.”

12. Bad Ass – “I am floored that you can eat a whole pizza in 5 minutes.”

13. Pretty – “You are sufficiently attractive to be introduced to my bandmates/fraternity brothers/rugby team.”

14. Informed – “My eyes are glazing over as you talk again about ‘This American Life.’”

15. Caring – “Hows about you make me some lunch?”

16. Cool – “I am significantly impressed that you understand hockey penalties.”

17. Nice – “I appreciate that you sent me a postcard from your work trip to Cleveland but I don’t want to see you naked.”

18. Clean – “I suspect that you have OCD. Step away from the Brillo pad.”

19. Adorable – “You remind me of my little sister.”

20. Tough – “I do not understand how a 4 ft 11 woman can ingest so much whiskey.”

21. Cuddly – “I like to squeeze your muffintop.”

22. Passionate – “Oh shit, you’re not a vegan are you?”

23. Interesting – “You like roller derby and Doctor Who. I like Snapchat and golf. We’re done here.”