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In the first episode, we met all of these people and learned that all but maybe two are miserable shells of human beings. There's also an extended sequence in which a plastic surgeon takes a marker and draws all over them, marking spots where liposuction or a tuck or a breast enhancement would be beneficial. They stand naked while he draws on boobs and butts and it is the least erotic thing I've ever seen, and I'm a pervert. I can watch a woman rip loose hairs out of a vacuum cleaner hose and find something hot about it, but this show is about as erotic as a cold bag of wet failure.

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The Challenges:

I think the very first challenge of this show captures its essence. The women enter a bridal tent and come face-to-face with full-sized posters featuring their current bodies. The challenge is not to absorb and accept your body, and come to the realization that "If I don't get surgery, it's not the end of the world." No. Someone in E!'s Photoshop department 'shopped up a bunch of posters of what these women could look like if they were skinnier or had a boob job or a teeth whitening. The contestant must assemble the photoshopped picture, like a puzzle, over the full poster. The symbolism is never explored. They pretend the challenge is literally all about putting an incredibly simple puzzle together, (sidebar: the women are fucking terrible at it). If you're one of the first 10 women to do it, you're allowed to grab one of the syringes that sits on a nearby table and run off to an "Injectibles Party," where a bunch of surgeons will Botox your face. That's the prize. The loser goes home. You couldn't cover up your fat thighs with a magnet puzzle, so now you must leave and hope that your husband still wants to marry you.