ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Post-Brexit talks have stalled between Scott Morrison and UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson today after an offer from our northern hemisphere cousins went unclaimed.

Mr Johnson explained to Scott, who has previously worked in marketing, that he has a new problem that he hoped Australia would be able to help him with.

Speaking exclusively to The Advocate this afternoon, Boris Johnson detailed his conversation with Scott Morrison today.

“I told Scott that it’s becoming increasingly clear that England’s pig-headed Baby Boomers who currently live full-time in Spain and other nation’s of that ilk will not be able to do so moving forward,” he said.

“The Spanish are making things quite difficult for us at this time.”

It was at this time that Boris said that Scott asked him why he was calling him about this problem.

“I went on to explain that perhaps we could open the borders, like our previous arrangement with Europe, with Australia. Have free movement between our great nations,”

“The middle-class youth of Australia could hit 30, suddenly realise they have no direction in life and move to London without having to jump through the two existing rings before moving – they could just go!”

“And in return, hundreds of thousands of ageing British ex-pats could move to Queensland and clog up the hospitals and other health services with their ailments until their aortas finally blow out,”

“Anyway, Scott said he’d think about it. Then he hung up. I’ve been trying to phone him back all morning our time but I fear he’s left the phone off the hook,”

“If you see him, please tell him to phone me back.”

Our reporter explained to Boris that Scott Morrison’s team is no longer reaching out to this newspaper for an interview once a fortnight in order to leverage its popularity with young people – and that he’d probably be better off phoning the Courier-Mail.

More to come.



