It is time for this pissed off queer to speak. To those that say they are “born this way” but insist on denying my sexual identity:

There is nothing more infuriating than to be marginalized by both the mainstream and people who should be our allies. There is nothing more infuriating than being told that we “don’t exist”, or that we “aren’t normal”, or that we “are confused” or that we “simply haven’t made up our minds yet” by members of the very communities that we want to stand beside and wave a common banner of pride.

I exist. I am not broken. I am not confused. My mind is very clear, and I sure as the hell am not alone.

Human sexuality is not some simple straight/gay switch that can be pressed in-utero and out pops a perfect little straight kid or a perfect little gay kid. My sexuality is a part of my wiring; but that wiring is so complex that there is no computer in existence that can even begin to emulate or replicate its complexity. The best neuroscientists in the world are still in awe of the vast complexity of the brain and the body it inhabits.

Ask any Human Sexuality researcher worth their credentials and they will tell you that sexuality exists on a spectrum. They will tell you that however we are wired, we are a complex blend of biological, psychological, and sociological influences. That the “ex-gay” community uses a person’s own self-loathing or the loathing of family and the community to shame people into ignoring their own desires.

Sadly, and just as disgustingly, members of the gay community have been guilty of telling bisexual, queer, and pansexual men and women that they must choose one or the other in order to belong.

You have the nerve to tell the world that you are wired the way you are and must be accepted. Yet, you turn around and tell me that I’m confused; that I don’t know myself well enough. You cite people as supposed examples of identifying as bi and “really” being gay; as if you know what they think and feel. You pull the same bullshit on me, and other like me, as that they do to the both of us. It needs to stop.

The right-wing nutjobs that want to say that you and I can be “fixed”… trying to prove you are wired gay won’t deter them. The insistence that there is nothing between straight and gay won’t make them accept us. You won’t change their views by creating a division within our community. We can be better than them. We can be united in our cause to accept everyone, along every part of the spectrum of sexuality and gender identity. There is no “us” and “them”. There is just “we”.