You are our new best friend. We mean that. We will hang out with you almost every single day. We will listen to your problems and give you great advice on how to deal with them. We will get into arguments but resolve them quickly. We will give thoughtful speeches at your wedding. We’ll grow old together, the friendship deepening, the passage of time lending strength to our bond. In our twilight years, we’ll all sit around on a porch somewhere and reminisce about the time you gave us 10 grand and how cool that was. When you die, we will be utterly devastated and we will spend a lot of time mourning you. We will visit your grave every year on the anniversary of your death. When we die, we’ll see you in Hell, where we will all continue to be best friends.

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