By Chris Wright

Presenting: ‘Jemay-Lee’ by Royston Drenthe – a little ditty about the part-time Dutch full-back’s little girl, which comes off sounding somewhere between ‘Seven Days’ by Craig David and the tinny rap shite you have no choice but to overhear on buses these days…

We suggest you leave the rapping to the professionals, eh Royston?…

Yeah, that’s the shizz!

Thanks to Pies reader Paul for the nudge.