“misandry”

My birth dad was a gang member that treated my mother horrifically. Mum left him when she was pregnant with me and he was in prison. He demanded visitation rights, visited my brother and I a total of three times from when I was 1-6, and then never bothered again. Never paid a cent in child support. Was in and out of jail, sending my mother death threats yearly, tried to get partial custody WHILE IN JAIL when I was 15, and was murdered by a rival gang member when I was 17. Good fucking riddance.

She met my stepdad when she was 20 and he was 30 (I was 6 months, my brother was nearly 2 years). He was horrifically abusive, kept her a secret for 2 years, his workmates didn’t even know he had a girlfriend and two step kids and a son (born when she was 22). Cheated on her throughout the relationship. Beat her in front of us. I remember being 5 and trying to put my tiny body between her and him after he hit her and after he left the room we hugged and cried together. No longer hits her (funnily enough it stopped when my brothers hit puberty), but continues to verbally, psychologically, and financially abuse her. She’s still with him because she has her toddler 5th child and has no higher education, is completely dependent. He also emotionally abused me and acted sexually creepy when I hit puberty. I do not talk to him.

My older brother might have NPD like my birth dad was diagnosed with. He tormented me through childhood by demeaning me, looking down on me, interrupting me, treating me like I was stupid, arguing with me for no reason, and essentially making me feel worthless. I do not talk to him.

My younger brother did the same, but less “sophisticated”. Like my stepdad, he’d wind me up with a smile until I broke down crying and laugh at me when I was upset. He also would use any device he got his hands on to watch porn and once I caught him watching me undress. I do not talk to him.

My school years were fraught with severe bullying by boys to the point where I became suicidal from 8-16 and was nearly homeschooled. They were unbearable. Male teachers also looked down on me and I resented it greatly. I do not talk to any of them.

My first sexual relationship was with a 28 year old man when I was 18. I met him online, we were friends talking every day for a year, he came to visit me, we had sex. I thought I was in love with him, but I just wanted to be loved. I knew it was sick and wrong the entire time but I desperately craved affection. I gained the strength to cut him off after he revealed his misogynistic and pedophilic (of course he was a pedo, he went after as young as he legally could) views. I do not talk to him.

I was groomed by multiple men online, but luckily I got involved in radical feminism when I was 14, so although I still got sucked in to some of it, I avoided the worst of it and came out mostly healthy and healing.

My mother was sexually abused by her brother, my stepdad was sexually abused by his uncle, my stepdad’s dad and step dad are both terrible people, god knows whether my maternal grandfather is, all my highschool friend’s boyfriends were abusive, every male housemate I’ve had range from inconsiderate to outright shitty, the list goes on.

Basically, every single male linked to me in my life since birth has been shitty. How the fuck am I meant to have any trust for any man ever? Misandry is just the female survival response to trauma and ever present danger.