Darla Neugebauer, the owner of Marcy’s Diner in Portland yelled at a 2 year old who would not stop crying. Courtesy WCSH and FOX CT

“YOUR child is stealing,” she yelled at me.

I was in the middle of the supermarket with my toddler sitting happily in the trolley.

I looked around me. The accuser must have the wrong person. I begged for an explanation.

“You’re feeding her grapes from the stand. You don’t own those grapes. You haven’t paid for those grapes. That’s shoplifting. It’s a crime. You wouldn’t rip bits off the bread in a bread shop,” she shouted.

And so began the Great Grape Debate*.

Me vs. Grumpy Old Mother.

The exchange isn’t the point. (I have no doubt most people will be divided in opinion as to whether supermarket grapes can be ‘tried and tested’ or not).

But what did take me aback was my accuser’s enthusiasm to yell at me and my child.

“It’s illegal!” she shouted.

It turns out, I’m not alone. Many mothers face abuse and unwelcome parenting advice from strangers. Even other mothers. Mostly, Grumpy Old Mothers (GOMs).

Recently, new mother Tara Carson made headlines across the globe after a cafe owner told her and her husband to remove their unsettled toddler from the premises. Tara wrote about it on social media: “The owner is an absolute lunatic and screamed in the face of my almost two-year-old”.

The owner of Marcy’s Café in Portland USA, Darla Neugebauer, hit back, posting: “You just sit there and let your f******g screaming kid go and p*** off my staff and patrons! … I have a business to run and yes I am f******g crazy and you are lucky I didn’t get really f*****g nuts …”

There was applause and criticism for both women.

Since then, Tara has defended her remarks. Writing for The Washington Post, she rehashes the incident with a little more detail and concludes with the following, “It’s compassion I try to model for my daughter. I wish others would do the same.”

Whatever.

Compassion or not — isn’t it astounding how many people believe they can correct another mother’s parenting? In public. Without regret. Full of aggression.

Four words come to mind.

“Mind your own business”.

A fellow mum once told me her children were patting a lonely dog outside a cafe as it waited patiently for its owner, when another mother walked past and accused her of ‘irresponsible parenting’.

She claimed that the dog could have rabies or might bite her children and that she hadn’t ensured this wasn’t the case. Incidentally, the dog was an itty-bitty, white ball of lickin’ love and my girlfriend imagined it was called something like, well, let’s say “Fluffy”.

Sure, Fluffy may have had the ability to take down a nine-year-old. You never, never know. But does it really mean another woman has the right to shout at an unsuspecting mother and her children?

Who are these grumps? Where do they come from? Were they once normal, lovely, doing-their-best mothers? Do we all morph into GOMs?

If someone was truly convinced that my ‘shoplifting toddler’ was a problem to other customers and a threat to the potential profit of the supermarket, I believe that complaint should have been directed to me with subtlety or even to the store manager.

And if the Portland cafe owner really had some decency, I believe she would have asked the young family to leave with a little less aggression. Or perhaps she should think of a new job — aren’t breakfast cafes meant to be full of loud, noisy, coffee-loving, pancake-eating people and their loved ones?

For as long as there are mothers, there will be her critics. Haters gonna hate, right? Some will choose to judge her behind her back, some will choose to do it in public. Mothers — old or new — are full of advice for each other. Some welcome, some not. Some subtle, some not.

As any mum will tell you, motherhood isn’t always joyous. Spending the morning with your child, enjoying a pat with a friendly dog or eating pancakes at a cafe may just be the only little lovely time a mother gets with her child all day. All week. Or, all month. Let her love it. And if you truly have a problem with it, on behalf of all mums — mind your own business.

*For those concerned about the Great Grape Debate — you’d be happy to know my local supermarket has developed a new ‘free fruit for kids’ bucket at the beginning of the fruit and veg aisle. Winning.