HARTFORD, CT—Paying tribute to the brave men and women on the frontlines, Aetna president and CEO Larry Merlo released a statement Tuesday honoring his courageous employees who continue to seek and collect insurance debt from customers “proudly and by any means necessary” in this difficult time. “Our nation owes a great deal of respect and gratitude to these medical debt workers who have stepped up and remained fully committed to collecting every penny owed to our close-knit community of executives, investors, and brokers during this span of unprecedented emotional and financial difficulty and distress,” said the comfortably sequestered multimillionaire in charge of not only Aetna but also its parent company, CVS Health, saluting the “red-blooded American heroes” working day and night to shake down valued Aetna family members until they cough up their payments. “One silver lining to this dire situation is that it’s clear now more than ever who the truly essential workers are—those passionate, dedicated employees who put their lives on the line every day to keep our healthcare system lucrative in the midst of a global pandemic. Their job has never been easy, but now they’re being asked to place their personal lives on hold and risk their own safety to continue making threatening phone calls for hours on end, hunting deadbeats and knocking down doors on our behalf without breaks, sick days, or adequate protective gear—all to ensure that no outstanding or delinquent balance is left unpaid.” At press time, Merlo offered the debt collectors a heartfelt thank-you in lieu of the annual financial bonus the workers had previously been promised.

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