Because people today are a lot less happy than they were 20 years ago? If so, it's hard to prove. The surveys show that, while we're no happier than we were 20 or even 50 years ago, neither are we any less happy. Of course, in that time we've seen big increases in the incidence of suicide, divorce, drug-taking, crime and depression, so we must be doing something wrong.

It could be that more of us, caught up in the rush and grind of big-city life, have come to wonder whether the race is still making sense and are attracted to the notion of taking a breather to think about whether we could make our lives happier than they are. If so, there's no better time than the summer lull to make a pit stop. When you do, you see many aspects of modern life are pushing us in the opposite direction to the things that really matter. Here are my conclusions on how to be happy, based in equal parts on the opinions of experts and my experience. If you think you detect my Salvo upbringing showing through, just remember it's a sermon preached primarily to myself.

First, focus on the human, not the material. This is the most basic mistake we've been making in our preoccupation with economic efficiency and ever-increasing production and consumption of goods and services.

The evidence is clear that our greatly improved material standard of living hasn't made us any happier. And it's not just that our heightened materialism has failed to work. There's evidence that those who strive most for wealth tend to live with lower wellbeing. It's just as clear that our preoccupation with earning has tended to crowd out relationships. Ed Diener, professor of psychology at the University of Illinois and father of the study of wellbeing, insists there's no single, easy answer that will make everyone happy.

But first on his short list of "steps people can take to ensure they are as happy as they can be" is: "We need good friends and family, and we may need to sacrifice to some extent to ensure we have intimate, loving relationships - people who care about us and about whom we care deeply." Another authority, David Myers, professor of psychology at Hope College, Michigan, also gives top billing to close, supportive relationships. "We humans have what today's psychologists call a deep 'need to belong'." Those supported by intimate friendships or a committed marriage are much likelier to declare themselves "very happy", he says.

"Resolve to nurture your closest relationships: to not take those closest to you for granted, to display to them the sort of kindness that you display to others, to affirm them, to play together and share together." Second, work on making other people happy, not yourself. That's the trick. As with some other things in life, happiness is best pursued indirectly. If you're forever asking yourself, "Am I happy? Am I happy?" the answer will be no. The watched pot never boils. Acting directly to make yourself feel happy leads you to hedonistic self-indulgence, which may bring pleasure, but only fleetingly.

If you focus on the wellbeing of others, however, every so often you wake up and realise that, though you hadn't noticed, you are happy. And don't stop at family and friends. In the BBC documentary series Making Slough Happy, a team of experts gave 50 volunteers a program of steps to help them "plant the seeds of happiness" throughout the town. One was: smile at or say hello to a stranger at least once each day.

Myers says happiness increases helpfulness - those who feel good, do good. But doing good also makes you feel good. Happy people tend to be active, not passive. They have a purpose in life. They set themselves goals and achieve them. They strive - not for just personal advancement but to make the world a better place in some small way. Purpose gives us a greater sense of meaning and, often, a greater sense of personal control - all of which adds to our satisfaction with life. Gordon Livingston, the psychiatrist author of Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart, says the three components of happiness are someone to love, something to look forward to and something to do.

As we ponder the indirect approach, here's another paradox, hot off the academic press: after reviewing 225 studies of happiness, Dr Sonja Lyubomirsky, of the University of California, and colleagues found that happiness leads to success in work, relationships and health, not the other way around. Happy individuals are predisposed to seek new goals in life, leading to success, which also reinforces their already positive emotions.

Third, seek benefits that are intrinsic, not instrumental. Do things for their own sake, not because of the income or status you hope they will bring you. This is particularly true of work. Humans were built to work and work well done is capable of bringing us great satisfaction. But in these days of heightened materialism, bosses overlook the need to make work emotionally rewarding and workers are tempted to seek work that's higher paid though less satisfying. Life's too short to spend 40 hours-plus a week doing something you hate, just because the money's better. As the defence forces recruitment ad says, find a job you love and you'll never have to work again.

It's better to forget the money and try to get into a virtuous circle: you like the work because you're good at it and you're good at it because you like it. With any luck, pay rises follow. Worked for me. Education's much the same story. It's more enjoyable and beneficial if you can find an interest in the subject for its own sake rather than seeing it as no more than a path to a good job. Uni lecturer mates tell me that, whenever they stray into some related area of interest, their students are always demanding, "Is this examinable?" If it's not, they don't want to know.

As for status and social comparisons, the more we can train ourselves not to care, the happier we'll be. We should worry about how people feel - that is, be considerate - but not about what they think of us. And then there's the matter of "flow", a term coined by the American psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi to describe the state we're in when we're so absorbed in what we're doing we lose consciousness of self and time. Again, you realise you were happy only in retrospect. Flow can be experienced at work, but also in leisure activities - gardening, craft work, even socialising.

Fourth, strive for balance. We have an increasing tendency to go overboard in one direction or the other, but contrast is enjoyable - a change is as good as a holiday - and a balanced life is likely to be more satisfying. Work is good, a career is good, family is good and leisure is good. It's just a question of getting a decent balance. Work hard and play hard isn't a bad motto - though that may be a bit exhausting for workers with young families.

It's a mistake to dream of never having to work. If you never work, you never get a holiday. Part of the trick to achieving a satisfactory balance between different aspects of your life is to make sure you don't get confused between means and ends. Extremists - workaholic bosses, in particular - are always trying to make us feel guilty about too many public holidays, four weeks' annual leave and not wanting to work at weekends. Nonsense. What's the point of being comfortably off materially - as most of us are - if we can't enjoy our prosperity? And enjoying it takes time. As does maintaining a good relationship with our kids.

The key to better balancing your life is to be less wedded to working long hours to make the money to buy the stuff to keep up with your neighbours. Be less greedy about stuff and also about things to do. When I had a young family but wanted to spend a fair bit of time at work, I decided to reduce my life to two elements: work and family. When I wasn't at work I'd be at home and when I wasn't at home I'd be at work.

Why do we feel pushed for time even at the weekend? Because we have such a wide choice of things to do. Trying to fit in too many of them is a form of greed, which leaves us feeling unsatisfied and unrefreshed. Fifth, cultivate optimism and practise contentment. There's much evidence that optimistic people tend to be happier. These are people who think their failures result from bad luck, not their flawed abilities. They always see the glass as half full. Their assessments may not always be realistic, but they're always conducive to positive emotions. It seems likely that our optimistic or pessimistic temperament is inherited. If so, a large part of our satisfaction with life comes from genetic programming. But many psychologists argue that a genetic predisposition can be overridden by environment and behaviour modification.

Myers's advice is to act happy. "We can sometimes act ourselves into a frame of mind. Manipulated into a smiling expression, people feel better. So put on a happy face. Talk as if you feel positive self-esteem, are optimistic and are outgoing. Going through the motions can trigger the emotions." It may sound like Sunday school, but hard-boiled psychologists are always urging us to count our blessings. Name them one by one, in fact.

Professor Martin Seligman, founder of positive psychology and author of the highly recommended Authentic Happiness, says his practice is "to begin and end each day with thanks for whatever is going on in my life. Saying 'I am grateful' for all that I have, all the people in my life, and the opportunity to make a difference constantly reinforces the understanding that I have much to be grateful for in my life." Diener says we need to control how we look at the world. "We need to train ourselves not to make a big deal of trivial little hassles, to learn to focus on the process of working towards our goals (not waiting to be happy until we achieve them) and to think about our blessings (making a habit of noticing the good things in our lives)." Also, practise contentment. With our own lot, of course, not the lot of the underprivileged. Prosperous people can make themselves discontented by continually wishing for just a little more.

Myers says happiness seems less a matter of getting what you want than of wanting what you've got. If you must compare your material score with that of others, compare down not up. Sixth, get back to nature. Humans switched from hunting and gathering to farming just 10,000 years ago. In that blink of an eye, human civilisation and sophistication has progressed far further than our evolution as a species can possibly match.

The result is a mismatch between our bodies and our technology that can lead to malfunctions. For instance, we've applied our technology to improving our food supply on the one hand and taking the physical effort out of work on the other. Result: an obesity epidemic. We're happier if we do more to accommodate our unevolved bodies. I've found the best artificial prop to happiness is exercise - because it's not artificial. Like many, I've become addicted to the endorphin rush. Try it. Then there's adequate sleep. I spent most of my life trying to raise my personal efficiency by minimising the time wasted in sleep. Now, having read a bit about the topic, I'm trying to raise my efficiency by making sure I get all the sleep I need.

Now there's research suggesting our mental health requires regular contact with grass and trees. Speaking of which, I'm off for a holiday in the bush. See ya.