Honestly, I am gobsmacked by my 90s santa. HOLY GIFTS BATMAN. Like, who even are you, an NSA operative who specializes in the sacred art of gift giving, because HOW. DID YOU. KNOW. It was abundantly clear that he was determined to combine my general likes/dislikes with the exchange theme, making for a truly fantastic experience for me.

First all, Mr. Gift God over here rolls up in my messages on shipping day and lets me know to expect not one but TWO packages, and that the 2nd might be a bit delayed due to covid shipping drama. I was like ‘no biggie, i got u smalls’ and just ran like an overeager drunk labradoodle to the door every time I heard a noise, and then the 1st box arrived.

I immediately opened it and was just SHOCKED. I don’t know how he knew, but homie nailed in one take. Inside the package was an epic 90s classic picture disc vinyl by the best boy band of all time— he sent me Millennium by The Backstreet Boys. There’s no way he could have known this, but that album was the first CD I ever bought. When I was about 11, my mom broke the cd in half in a fit of rage over my messy bedroom, and I haven’t heard the album since. Needless to say, I’m incredibly touched just from this first gift alone, as it feels like getting a little bit of my childhood back. But then, as I was going to toss the packaging, a second gift fell out— an enamel pin!! I collect them, so every time I score a new one I’m excited, and this one was no exception!!

The wait for the 2nd package took a bit longer, but after a week or so it came and boy howdy, y’all, let me tell you— GOOD THINGS ARE WORTH THE WAIT.

There were not one, not two, but three additional gifts. The first thing was a package of adorable waterproof 90s stickers which I was immediately obsessed with, and can’t wait to put on my water bottles. The second thing was a beautiful photography book that perfectly fits my “vibe” and focuses on my favorite place, San Francisco. It’s near and dear to my heart. I collect coffee table books that are unique in some way, and this is a genuinely perfect addition to my collection. I can’t wait to flip through it and let it inspire my own photography!! The third thing I got once again is a big red flag that my Santa is secretly an NSA operative! It’s a conspiracy and I will not be convinced otherwise.

I love to read, and I have since I was a little kid— I would read at recess, I would read on the toilet, I would read in math class, I would read at lunch. It didn’t matter if it was a shampoo bottle, a Harlequin romance, a children’s novel, or Charles Dickens. Needless to say, I connected to Roald Dahl’s Matilda at a rather visceral level, and both the book and the movie were strong childhood favorites. I can still quote the “I’m big, you’re little” movie speech by heart, 20 years later. James and the Giant Peach and Willy Wonka’s sideways elevator are also deeply ingrained in my childhood psyche. So it should surprise exactly no one that when I saw this last gift, I was over the moon. I can’t believe I’m now the proud owner of a Roald Dahl mug, and I can’t stop smiling.

YOU’RE AWESOME! Every single gift you chose to surprise me with was so well thought out and perfect for me.