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Patreon ruins what’s left of my personal and professional reputation, my car becomes an underbuggy, I get the worst news of my life, Sean gets a Paraguayan hype man, wauterboi drops his new album, spells his name, and talks about his mom’s birds, The Rage Board has a new champion, saying Excuse Me, Asterios’ young lady calls in, Lettuce Jones leaves his last voicemail before jail, more on the Job Lynch Mob, a moron Spergs Out and provokes another heaping helping of Hot Goss, Madcucks sends more voicemail for Sean, and Denzel has a podcast; all that a more this week on The Dick Show!

Has this ever happened to you?

This is the email that I sent out to Patreonis last week. Notice anything peculiar about it? Like that the entire email where the episode post content should be is a pornography description? Like something that someone would accidentally copy and paste in a session of frantic masturbation, fingers dancing around the keys like Liberace in a frantic search to cram every attosecond of loading time with more and more pornography while simultaneously posting the new episode of The Dick Show until everything becomes one sweat-splattered spazing out trackpaded blur? Take a good look and tell me if you see anything like that.

If Denzel’s next script is titled Dick’s Ultimate Nightmare Scenario, this is how it would go:

I didn’t send out the pornography and I don’t know who did it. Probably the Russians. All I know is, I didn’t send all of Patreon an email full of shitty, grandpa porn about a Busty Haley and her comfy PJs. I don’t look at anyone in comfy PJs, I don’t even know what is a PJs. I wear jeans and dress shirts to bed like a mid-90’s sitcom dad. And I don’t think there’s any Busty Haley wearing those.

No one is more careful about the separation of pornography and state than me. I invented PornSavers for Christ’s sake. I’m so afraid of accidentally sending pornography to someone that I ripped both the CTRL and the \/ keys off of my computer. If I want to actually use the letter \/, I have to fashion one out of forward and backslashes, and if I want control, I have to get real. There’s no such thing.

Patreon has yet to send any information out regarding this busty cock up. Maybe they’re too busy making a Superbowl video of two hipster dipshits talking about “sportsball” and which Superbowl commercials they want to fellate the most–like anyone cares about the fucking commercials–to fix what’s left of my personal and professional reputation. But first…

wauterboi calls in to drop his new album. It’s really fucking good. I ruin the release by talking over the whole song. If you want to hear wauterboi’s jams without my nonsense about how it feels when people don’t hear you say, “excuse me,” check it out using the links below. I mean the guy wrote maybe the best theme song in all of media history–maybe not all of media history, but definitely the best theme song in all of podcasting history.

I guarantee you can fuck to these songs.

My Body, the Space Station by wauterboi

Purchase and download wauterboi’s new album My Body, the Space Station, here.

Every car is like a bad relationship. It starts out with a lot of high hopes and , but then some day you’re lucky if you can get through a trip to your parents’ house without a bunch of bullshit. Well that day has come for my car, which is now held together by zip ties. I talk about dealing with mechanics until I have a heart attack, and that’s how I know it’s time for the Hot Goss!

The See You Next Tuesday Podcast Network is officially off and running in 2017 as Denzel joins the ranks with Real Nerd Hours. Check out the first episode where Denzel talks about his own homemade pornography that I am also not responsible for. Unfortunately, Denzel is also the subject of controversy this week that originates from Madcast Media. I write this in a funny way, but I don’t think it’s very funny. Either way, Maddox’s behavior has displeased me yet again, and that calls for another round of Hot Goss!

If you’d like to hear the entire incident of The Wedding that broke the Biggest Problem I reference in this episode, check out Bonus Episode 6. Some people are saying it’s the greatest episode in podcasting–maybe not in all of podcasting, but definitely in the run of The Dick Show.

Joel Chaco calls in from the Here’s What I Don’t Get Podcast to pile on and explain why Maddox spurgingly reported him to Patreon Police and then tried to delete all evidence of his fruitless tattling. Thank God for screenshots.

Joel also talks about his time as a Paraguayan wrestling promoter and tells us what makes him a rage. If you want to hear more of Joel and Uncle Buck as they try to find where it is that they don’t get “what”, you can do so at Here’s What I Don’t Get. Good luck typing in that URL without compulsively putting in apostrophes.

lakembra sends in another amazing track.



I’m constantly floored by the talent sent in to this show and can only hope to live up to it.

Outro remix by The KPop Show with Rhodri & Andrew



New fan art!



And here’s the shirt I was wearing. If you want to also be America’s Wingman–or if you want to be even smarter and get one for your friend so he can wear it when y’all go out, check out The Dick Show Store!

Busty thumbnail in her comfy PJs by Brandon of Maximum! Panic.



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