Sorry. I really wanted to blog about this earlier. Talk about every leg of my trip and what happened every day of Bronycon. Unfortunately, I got swept up in the events and its only now that I'm able to take a moment, reflect, and talk about it.

In short, it has been one of the most wonderful times of my life, despite the tears that I am shedding right now. Cons are wonderful for me. It's doing things that I love, about something I love, with people who love the same thing I do. Most of my life is spent alone, sitting in front of a computer, wondering when I'm going to just kick it. I rarely meet new people, and when I do, It's rarely for anything good.

This weekend, I had hundreds of friends. Real friends that I could talk with and do things with. It was filled with wonderful moments. Like the time fifteen readers all united to abduct me to the writers room, where we talked for two and a half hours. Or the reader who told me how P-21 helped him get through his opium addiction. Or another reader who said Rampage's own struggled helped him deal with his mental illness. Or how Blackjack helped someone prevent them from committing suicide. It's one thing to read that in a face less E-mail. It's another thing to have it from a person fighting as hard as possible not to break down in tears.

I love the vendor hall, with art and crafts and prints and merchandise. I saw a Blackjack plush for nearly four hundred dollars. She sold in an hour (I didn't buy her) and I saw a half dozen others with her under their arms or sitting on shoulders. There were cosplayers ranging from people in Security outfits to a full on Blackjack fur suit. It was incredible to see.

I also caught up with wonderful friends. Hinds, Icyshake, and Solis were all there, good RL friends of mine. And as much as I may complain about Hinds from time to time, it was wonderful to see him and Icyshake again. And even if I got some head-bangingly frustrating news from Solis, it was wonderful to see her in her Crysalis costume. Most of my friends are just text on Skype or a person I bump into online. There is nothing to compare with being able to spend wonderful time with them, even if it wasn't long.

And I met a girl. No illusions, she had a boyfriend and a life in Canada. It was never going to be more than friendship after tonight. But for an hour in her bedroom and fifteen minutes in mine, we shared a pleasure that has been missing in my life for a year now. She helped me get a little out of my shell, and I helped her get out of hers. And even if nothing will ever come of it. I'll miss her.

I'll miss all of it.

I'll miss the panels and the people and the crowds, the annoyance of two events planned at the same time, and the frustration of long lines. I'll miss people telling me how much they love my stories and the look on their face when they realize I am 'that Somber'. There's really nothing like the look of surprise followed by the joy. It's overwhelming and humbling and wonderful all at once. I'll miss the cosplayers ranging from horribly wonderful to wonderfully horrible. I'll miss eating everything from 7-11 garbage to fine dining in an Irish pub with sixty of the best writers we have all enjoyed on Fimfiction.

I'll miss all of it. Nothing that happened, good or bad, can detract from this experience.

And it's ending. And it hurts. This was a time of joy for me, and now it's ending. Soon as the last panel ended, I felt it. That void opening up inside me. The pain coming with that void. My lady friend tried to help me deal with it, but I'm not a party person, and it was just prolonging the inevitable. We both said goodbye with tears in our eyes, and promised that we would see each other again next con, but both of us didn't have to say that we both knew there was no guarantee. And while I love all my friends online, nothing beats that flesh and blood contact that comes with a friend you can hold and touch.

This was all made possible by WandererD and Vendable Sheik. Soon as the first heard I didn't make it to EFNW, he worked to find some way to let me attend, helping me to get on a panel to pay for my badge, and letting me stay with him free of charge. The latter paid for me to get to Bronycon at all, donating hundreds of dollars for the plane ticket. All he asked for in return was a hug, a handshake, and fifteen minutes of my time. These two wonderful people made this wonderful experience possible, and I do not have enough words to thank them for their effort. And if you know my writing, that's a lot of words.

So, despite my tears, I am glad to have been here. No matter how much it hurts, this has been one of the few times in my life where I can say I have no regrets. To everyone, those I met and those who met me, I wish to say thank you.

Goodnight.

Somber