EDMONDS, WA—Highly motivated and ready to put their new skills to good use, sources at Rantrix Technologies reported Tuesday that their two-day corporate retreat had succeeded in teaching them how to better dick around as team. “It was really great to put aside our normal routine, take a step back, and focus on a different approaches to getting jack shit done around the office,” said software engineer Rebecca Ferretti, who was initially skeptical but ended up coming away with several new ideas on how the group could appear productive while actually fucking off on the company dime. “From the first ice breaker where we all dicked around together to the later sessions where we screwed off in pairs, I think it was useful to see how each person’s strengths could contribute to how we thoroughly waste time as a unit.” Ferretti added that getting to relax and spend a weekend talking shit about their boss had been great for team morale.

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