I TRULY NEVER LEARN. Every time I think I know what’s going to happen, I really, really don’t. This show doesn’t let plot points overstay their welcome. The 100 barely let us catch up to the situation before throwing us into another one. We are spoiled, you guys. We are absolutely spoiled.

It’s only the 4th episode of the season and Clarke has already been body-snatched. Remember in episode two when I was like, “I want more Josephine!” I suppose a “be careful what you wish for” is in order. Girl took over Clarke! And some other chick is totally c-blocking Jordan! And Sanctum is creepy as all hell!!

This episode was very cool, you guys. Very. Cool. It took the mythology from previous seasons, gave it some cocaine, and set it loose on a hazy, sexy moon.

The Primes all have a type of flame! And they pass themselves down from nightblood to nightblood. I mean… DAMN. What kind of narcissist do you have to BE? It’s just so outrageous, and I LOVE IT.

We also got a look into the daily lives of the Grounders 2.0, a certain dreamy rebel, and some very kick-ass ladies being awesome woodland nymphs. This episode had A LOT, is what I’m saying.

The Face Behind the Glass opened with everyone’s favourite terrorist giving her unborn child a pep-talk about living in FernGully. She seemed pretty okay with raising her child alone in an alien forest, until someone showed up to give her a better deal.

Diyoza was tasked with bringing the kidnapped girl Rose home safely. In exchange, her baby will be raised in Sanctum. That’s actually pretty fair! I love Diyoza, but girl ain’t no angel.

Back in Sanctum, Russell’s wife was all, “there’s drama, delay the naming day,” and Russel was like, “but Priya owes me fifty bucks,” which probably should have been my first clue about what was going down.

Jordan told a beautifully sad story about only having faces behind glass for friends his entire young life, and how he then became a face behind the glass for his parents. Future Priya was ABOUT IT.

Madi ate a cookie for the first time in her life, and I honestly have never been happier for any character on any television show ever. Everything was fun and amazing and totally not creepy at all, and Clarke even got her flirt on with a super cute medic who was totally interested in her for her personality, and not her sweet sweet vein-juice.

Clarke gave Madi a pep talk about responsibility, and how SHE’s the one who asked for a dog, so SHE’S the one who has to feed it (or something). Basically, she can’t be a kid because she chose to be the commander, but if she wants to quit, then Clarke will just get a refund on the commander lessons she’s already paid for. (Madi said no, obvs)

The Sanctumites reached the stage of their mandate that made them “repent,” so everyone had to let loose their confessions and seek forgiveness. Russell made things weird by publicly apologizing to Kaylee about ‘leaving her to die’ during the Red Sun. This is where we learned that Russell is super passive aggressive, because NO WAY does he blame himself for any of that.

I love how befuddled the squad was with all of this. One person, however, seemed super on board.

Raven was NOT having it! Clarke tried to apologize for all the shit that went down, what with the torture and the war, and that time she made fun of her impractical ponytail. But Raven was like, ‘eat poop, Clarke,” and stormed off.

I refuse to take a side on this, because you all know how much I love my goddess of awesomeness, Raven, and how much I’m not loving the Clarke-hate. I just want these two ladies to hug SO BAD. Just so bad. “The only difference between you and her is that Octavia doesn’t pretend to feel bad about it.” Girls! Quit it! You’re hurting my heart!

Meanwhile in FurnGully, Octavia was not making a great first impression.

These people want an old man (GABRIEL!) to approve their meeting expenses or something, but they can’t get a hold of him. The lady-leader wanted to kill both Octavia and Rose, but a certain beefcake wasn’t about it.

He totally helped them escape! Hahhaha, I like this guy.

Just a couple of platonic soulmates expressing their eternal, mutual forgiveness and undying love, no big deal (it doesn’t matter what ship you’re sailing on, this scene was beautiful).

Clarke was dancing with a fellow who got VERY close, and she didn’t even put him in a headlock, or shoot him through the eye, or negotiate his capture or ANYTHING. This was jarring and weird, but welcome.

Echo checked in on Bellamy’s mental state after leaving his sister to die in an alien forest, and he got very peeved at her for it. *frown* Do NOT snap at my girl because you’re feeling guilty, BELLAMY.

Octavia saved Rose a BUNCH, but was about to get shot when Diyoza showed up all, “time for margaritas bitches!” and killed everyone . OR DID SHE??? The cranky lady from before popped up and shot Rose (*sad face*), before Octavia murdered the shit out of her.

This was all very sad. I was looking forward to seeing Octavia take care of a kid for a while. It would be interesting to see how she’d protect one single innocent human completely on her own, versus a bunker full of people constantly demanding the worst from her during impossible circumstances. ANYWAY. Rose is dead now, and the new deal for Diyoza’s baby includes her killing the “old man” everyone keeps gabbing about.

So now Diyoza and Octavia are teaming up for a buddy-cop adventure to hunt someone down, and my heart is singgggggggging! Thank you, The 100, for what you have given us this day. Off they went together to find and kill (LOL) Xavier, as if he ISN’T going to be in the main credits next season.

Meanwhile our girl Raven, being the mechanical genius she is, sought out a creative outlet in a machine shop, but found a hunk instead. They bantered about fuel intake and propulsion, and she fixed his mom’s motorbike (of course she did). He needed it as a welcome-back-from-being-dead present for his mom, which was very sweet of him (upon re-watch I feel like such a dummy for not catching all these clues they gave us).

I know our girl is grieving and not even close to thinking about hunks, but c’monnnnnnnnnnnn, this is happening. I hope he’s not evil!

Delilah’s naming ceremony was upon us, and girl was not super pumped about it.

She ran back to Jordan for one last smooch and said, “don’t let me be a face behind the glass,” which was the FIRST TIME I thought, “hmmm, will the chip influence her decisions??” Hahahhahahhahahahha, foolish Toni. I thought their chips held intelligence and history, like Madi’s. Not an ACTUAL CONSCIOUSNESS!

Delilah can’t come to the phone right now. She may or may not be gone forever, which makes me sad, but I’m excited to see what Ashleigh LaThorp does with this new character.

Clarke woke up after some sexy times with a certain dreamy medic, and had that dreaded moment when you start to suspect the dude you just swapped fluids with might actually be a creepo.

Sorry, bud, your intentions seemed pure, but you came off sketchy as HECK. Clarke was “saved” by the Sanctum PD, and the medic killed himself. May he rest in sexy peace.

I am so pumped we’re getting some Echo backstory. Do I wish it had come sooner? Yeahhhhhh. Am I in love with Echo (and Tasya Teles) anyway? Yeahhhhhhhh. Girl is so fierce and foxy. Get us inside that brain, show!

That being said, I’m a little confused about her story. In summary; the queen killed her folks and stole her to train as a spy. Thing is, back on Earth, Echo was wildly, passionately loyal to Ice Nation, to an almost fanatical degree. I hope we find out why that would be, despite this scarring, violent beginning. Even if it’s just a, “she needed something to live for,” kind of thing.

Meanwhile, Clarke was enjoying the comforts of being “rescued”.

Russell was like, “seems a waste to just let her go without inserting our daughter into her brain first, you know?” SO THEY DID. Josephine returns! She’s in Clarke’s body, and girl is PLEASED AS PUNCH about it!

I mean, who WOULDN’T be pumped to wake up looking like Eliza Taylor?

And that’s that!! This episode was very good. Very good indeed. I’m so excited/scared about Jo-As-Clarke, and what havoc that will bring upon her interpersonal relationships. I’m also very pumped to see Eliza portray Josephine. I’m ALSO super-duper-mega excited for this Octavia/Diyoza team-up. Just… just go ahead and assume I’m pumped about everything right now. Every single thing.

What did you guys think? Are you worried? Scared? Excited? Hungry? Me too.



SOME STUFF

‘Member when Rose was all, “are you here to take us home?” I’m still wondering what the H that was about. Were the Primes hoping to keep their consciousness alive long enough to make it back to Earth? Cause I have some bad news…

Raven’s ponytail returned, but it didn’t have any specifically pulled-out hanging strands in her face, so I’ll allow it. In fact, I love it when the characters change up their hair from episode to episode. I change my hair about six times a day! All I wanted out of season 1 was for Clarke to put her hair up. Girl STILL hasn’t done it for me.

“A good cookie can change your life.” This man is my new favourite and must be protected at all costs. COOKIE MAN FOR PRESIDENT.

What’s going on with these Flames? They’re definitely different than the Flame of Grounder Legend. Madi is still Madi. Lexa was still Lexa. They had the knowledge of past commanders, but they got to keep their sparkling personalities.

Are we going to get a Becca flashback??? I WANT/NEED IT.

Was that, “fear is a demon” line Octavia gave Rose derived from the same speech Bellamy gave Charlotte in Season 1, which came from their mother? Damn, show, now THAT is a callback!

Jordan covering Madi’s ears when hinting about sex was the most precious. I love this future friendship. I would take a full hour of Madi and Jordan mastering Jenga.

Poor Beautiful Creepster and Emori missing out on a party because the Squad couldn’t find a bike-lock for the ship… *frown*.

Repent, Renew, Rejoice, Rebirth.

I guess now we know the deal with the bodies!! So whoever’s chip is in those beheaded-corpse-heads are dead for realsies once their chips are burned. I understand Kaylee’s reluctance to leave them.

“What are we going to do, walk into the anomaly to find him?” WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT???

Does Octavia really not realize that Xavier gave her that knife on purpose?

What do you guys think Indra is dreaming about?

Xavier is totally going to graduate from guest star, right? Yeahhhhhhhhhh, he will.

An episode about two (three if you count Rose) women getting their choice taken away over what to do with their own bodies is very timely.

What’s your favourite cookie? I don’t mean to be controversial, but I would choose a ginger cookie ALLLLLLL DAYYYYYYY LONGGGGGGG.

Related; on a scale of 1 to GIMME THAT COOKIE, how jealous were you of Lola Flanery? That cookie looked so damn good. And I bet she had to do a bunch of takes to get it juuuuuuuust right.

OKAY LOVE YOU BYE STAY SAFE OUT THERE!

