Ah, the London Olympics. What could possibly go wrong? Brits love us Yanks, and Mitt has an "in" to talk about the Olympics. The English didn't put up a fuss when the Monkees out-sold the Beatles and the Rolling Stones, and they quickly got over the only time a real King of England ever abdicated his throne because of another American.

Mitt Romney accomplished the impossible by pissing off our greatest ally. All those chits we'd built up over the years in World War I and World War II? Gone, thanks to Mitt. While the UK was worried about presenting their Olympics, Romney piled on, questioning their preparedness. He forgot their "Leader's" name, inappropriately acknowledged the existence of Britain's Secretest Service and impugned the "backside" of #10 Downing Street.

On a short stop in Israel, Romney managed to heighten Israeli/Palestinian tensions, calling into question the frugalness of one party, while stereotyping another. "Poitical assistance" he's more recently received from Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu in the American election has raised additional questions.

(These are screengrabs and not photoshops)

Before those who had died in Libya could be buried, Mitt Romney appeared on national television to smirk and gloat about the deaths of these Americans on foreign soil.

Working on the Salt Lake City Olympics, Romney got to meet a lot of white foreign dignitaries and say, "Hello. Welcome to Salt Lake City." He may have negotiated a bobsled treaty. We do know that the Salt Lake Olympics out-sourced the manufacture of uniforms and other Olympic clothing to Burma (now Myanmar) and Canada. So, he probably knows how to greet someone from Myanmar ("r*Fvmyg") and Canada ("Hello").

Of course, foreign dignitaries at Cayman National and Credit Suisse are familiar and comfortable with Romney. Also, a lot of Chinese businessmen are fond of his money. With shell corporations in Luxembourg and Bermuda -- that we know about -- it is quite obvious that Mitt Romney's money has 1000x more foreign experience than Romney himself. In fact, formerly American jobs that belonged to his prize investment Bain Capital now have more foreign policy experience than The Outsourcer-in-Chief.

Romney used to dress up like a policeman and harrass individuals. He even had a cherry to put on top of his vehicle. As Governor of Massachusetts, did he continue those pranks? We do know that he was frequently called upon to deal aggressively with unfriendly foreign states like New Hampshire and Rhode Island.

As a Mormon missionary in France, the future GOP candidate was called upon, on a nearly daily basis, to negotiate with sharp-witted foreign citizens for croissants and fromage. Before shipping off for his mission in France, Romney protested the protests of the Vietnam War -- the war that he missed while negotiating for croissants in Paris. Here he is protesting those war protests alongside Dean Vernon Wormer and Greg Marmalard of Faber College:

With Russia within sight of the Sarah Palin living room, and those dangerous Canadians bordering her state, Romney and Ryan must look up to the former Alaskan Governor as a regular Henry Kissinger. Newt Gingrich is the GOP Winston Churchill.