Chewbacca may have lost a step or two in The Force Awakens, but his social media game is as strong as ever. In fact just a few days ago Peter Mayhew unleashed his latest buzzworthy idea: the Wookiee plans to tweet pages from his original Star Wars script on a daily basis leading up to a surprise announcement. But patience is in short supply at FakingStarWars, so we’ve put together a list of the most (il)logical reveals we can expect once Mayhew’s done tweeting hundreds and hundreds of script pages. After the jump, we reveal the top 10 surprises Chewbacca has hidden in his hairy Twitter box.

Top 10 Surprises Peter Mayhew Could Reveal on Twitter

10. Life Day has been canceled for the rest of his natural life.

09. Mayhew has collaborated with Anthony Daniels on the backstory for Chewbacca’s red foot, which is to be told in graphic novel form, and launched alongside a line of body-positive prosthetics for hairy children.

08. The Star Wars Holiday Special will be released on Blu-Ray with all-new commentary by Diahann Carroll and Peter Mayhew as well as the actors who portrayed Chewbacca’s father Itchy, his wife Malla, and his son Lumpy.

07. Mayhew hand-picked the actor who will play young Chewbacca in the Han Solo spinoff film… then ripped his arms off.

06. For the last 15 years, “Peter Mayhew” has been played by Weird Al Yankovic, while the real Peter Mayhew was busy rehabilitating his legs.

05. The Original Unaltered Star Wars Trilogy will finally be available in script form in Shyriiwook, the language of the Wookiee.

04. Mayhew will be cutting his iconic locks and donating two baggies to Locks of Love and two baggies to Force for Good.

03. Bowflex has signed Mayhew to a multi-thousand-dollar endorsement deal and is designing a Bowcaster exercise machine that knocks you the hell back into shape.

02. Mayhew’s feud with Phantom Menace alum Jake Lloyd has forced the ailing Mayhew to quit Twitter and acting and walking and Snapchat.

01. Chewbacca is Kylo Ren’s real father.