After I watched the latest Steven Bomb episodes up until “We Need to Talk,” I was ecstatic. The series seems to keep getting better and better, the characters richer, as toxic tropes were continually subverted. I was especially excited about the obviously canon nature of Pearl’s romantic feelings for Rose Quartz. I found Pearl’s micdrop hilarious and the way she grappled with her sacrifices for Rose touching.

So when I logged onto tumblr and saw the fandom spewing hate toward Pearl, even aiming criticism at those who celebrated her feelings for Rose as queer representation, I was shocked and confused.

Other bloggers have pointed out the incongruity of the harsh criticism of Pearl paired with fandom’s affection toward Peridot and Jasper, villains who have sought the annihilation of humans and have harmed and imprisoned characters against their will. Even after Peridot’s horrific experiments on gems, that force them to fuse, the vitriol has primarily been aimed at Pearl, despite the fact it’s completely unwarranted. So why is fandom so harsh toward Pearl? Why are they going so far as to call her abusive, bitchy, a jerk? In my view, some of this vitriol stems from both ableism and homophobia.

Shinji Ikari Syndrome: Ableism and Fan Discomfort with Imperfection

Many mentally disabled people have related to Pearl and her idiosyncrasies and struggles. Autistic people have found certain character traits of Pearl, like her mannerisms and info-dumps, to resonate with them. I personally have also related to Pearl as someone who has struggled with anxiety, trauma, depression and Pure OCD. At first I didn’t like Pearl, but even then I suspected it was because she reminded me of myself. How she acted as a control freak and worrywart, and her hyper-vigilance and insecurity were all too familiar to me–especially in the “Sworn to the Sword” and “We Need to Talk” episodes.

Fandom members have rightfully pointed out that Pearl’s lack of self worth and obsessive love for Rose Quartz aren’t healthy, but instead of acknowledging Pearl’s growth and expressing sympathy for her struggles, they demonize her. Instead of seeing that Pearl’s obsessiveness and self-sacrifice are harmful to herself they villainize her and act as if her feelings are damaging or even abusive to Rose in some way.

To support these claims, they hyper-inflate Pearl’s actions in the “We Need to Talk” episode, alleging that Pearl was trying to “sabotage” Rose and Greg’s relationship and selfishly “didn’t care” if she made Rose unhappy, ignoring obvious facts in the story to do so. Rose has been in many flings with human men in the past, and, as was pointed out in the show, they were all phases and none of them lasted long. We could tell from Rose’s interaction with Greg that Rose had yet to respect or value humans as equals, which prevented a deeper more significant relationship with any of them. Why would Pearl believe she’d be threatening to compromise Rose’s happiness by showing off to Greg when she fused with Rose? Every other relationship Rose had had with a human was frivolous and short-lived. Why would Pearl have any reason to think otherwise?

To me, Pearl’s immature and petty jealousy in that situation was understandable, funny and harmless. Pearl is also appeared young in that scene. Her actions definitely reflect an immaturity that is absent from her in later years. As others have pointed out: this was Pearl from fifteen years ago. She, in the present narrative time of the story, currently has an amicable relationship with Greg. The fact people are castigating Pearl for her past actions is odd.

But the more worrisome trend is the assertions Pearl is abusive for her behavior. Yes, being obsessive and investing all your self worth and life value into one person is not ideal or even healthy. And sometimes abusive relationships do feature that trait in one or more members. But being obsessive and lacking self worth in and of themselves do not make someone abusive or a bad person. Posts I’ve seen in response to Pearl arguing that people need to love themselves or have good self-esteem to truly love others suggest it’s impossible for many mentally ill people to have a healthy relationship. People with depression often lack self worth, but this doesn’t mean they can’t love. It doesn’t preclude them even from having healthy relationships.

Notice Pearl’s growth during the “Sworn to the Sword” episode. She is learning from Steven and Connie about what a healthy relationship looks like. But at the same time, Steven and Connie have things Pearl doesn’t. We don’t know all the details in Pearl’s past, but I get the sense Pearl was not loved and supported the way Steven was. During her formative years, she was intrenched in a war. We also have evidence Pearl was rejected by gem society as Jasper calls her defective. Pearl says Rose made her feel like Pearl was everything. Rose was probably the only person Pearl felt loved and excepted by. Given the high stakes of her decision to rebel against home world and fight for Earth, it’s understandable that Pearl may have an unhealthy all or nothing view of things.

Some users will acknowledge some of this but still claim those of us who defend, relate to or look up to Pearl are not acknowledging how unhealthy she is or “problematic” she is. But no one argued Pearl’s relationship with Rose was ideal. The show made it very clear that it wasn’t. That said, many mentally ill people, who have experienced trauma and lack of self worth or are prone to obsessive or absolute thinking can’t just snap their fingers and stop their unhealthy thinking or habits. It takes slow growth and support. Fandom’s refusal to acknowledge Pearl’s growth and desire to crucify her for not being a paragon of mental stability and self-confidence is very troubling. Those of us who struggle with obsessive thinking and self worth get the message we are inherently abusive for these thoughts and feelings, even if we do nothing to harm anyone else.

I also think some of this vitriol toward Pearl stems from what I’d like to call Shinji Ikari Syndrome. During the release of Evangelion, many fans openly loathed and attacked Shinji, the protagonist of the series, for being “wimpy,” “weak,” “sniveling,” and “cowardly,” despite the fact he was only fourteen and fighting in a gruesome war and struggling with symptoms of depression, PTSD and trauma. People tend to loath Shinji for two reasons: 1) he doesn’t fit their ideal of a healthy, robust Shounen hero and 2) he is an all too realistic portrayal of the fragility and flaws most of us humans have (especially mentally ill ones). Most of us, in Shinji’s position, would act just as he did, if not worse–which makes people uncomfortable. They want pristine perfect heroes with no sign of weakness, illness or faults. Seeing them show vulnerability makes people uncomfortable.

Some of the impatience and anger toward Pearl I believe stems from this discomfort. Many of us claim we want flawed, complex characters in our media, but when we get them, we balk. To often, we are become callous or annoyed at other people’s weaknesses in real life–and this goes double for the mentally disabled. I think much of the disgust and bigotry abled people show toward mentally and physically disabled people stems from how we remind you of human vulnerability and imperfection. No one is perfectly mentally healthy: many people have shown mental, emotional or physical instability or weakness at some time in their lives.

Everyone is vulnerable to becoming physically or mentally disabled. Seeing physical and mental imperfection only reminds you that you too are not invincible and that humans are subjected to much beyond our control. If you blame disabled people for our conditions, symptoms or limitations, it’s easier to convince yourself that if you were in our position, you’d just get over it through will power and be done with it. The negative reaction to Pearl, I believe, stems partially from this fear of imperfection and vulnerability. Pearl is often hyper-anxious and obsessive–she can be jealous, selfish, and neurotic. She probably makes people uncomfortable because she reminds them of the most flawed parts of themselves. It’s easy for fans to say: love yourself and don’t be obsessive like Pearl. But for mentally ill people that doesn’t work. Even many abled people can’t snap their fingers and do that.

Hand Maidens and Feudal Lords: Homophobic Standards for Relations



On top of the ableism and inability for many fans to accept deep flaws in fictional characters, is the way fans respond to gay relationships in the media. Straight relationships and same gender ones are not received in the same ways by fans, no matter how progressive or accepting they believe themselves to be. Often, gay relationships don’t fit tropes we are used and are held to standards straight ones are not.

Most of us, regardless of sexual orientation, have primarily been exposed to depictions of straight relationships in the media. There are many tropes we expect when we see men and women falling in love and expressing romantic feelings. We are used to a girl in love with a man being a bit in over her head and vying for his attention, even if she has to compete with another girl. We expect her to dress to kill and to try to show the other girl up. We expect to see her get jealous or try to evoke the jealousy of the other girl. We are even more accepting when we see this in men and boys. We expect them to fight for the girl. We expect him to try to win her over. Him being jealous of another man in a relationship with the woman he loves strikes as us perfectly natural.

But what about when we see a woman behaving this way toward another woman in the media? Especially when it’s a man she’s competing with?

I have a very hard time imagining people reacting this way if Pearl were male. Or even if Rose were male. The behavior would be all too familiar and understandable. It appears so often in the media as to be almost static noise in the background of our everyday lives. There are even commercials for inanimate objects that depict straight people’s jealousy, competition and obsessive feelings toward and with one and other. None of this has garnered much if any criticism from the same people attacking Pearl.

The gems may be officially genderless according to the creators, and I as a nonbinary person do want more representation, but they are portrayed as feminine and nothing in the show itself indicates they are nonbinary. They do, for all intents and purposes, constitute female representation, and any relationships between gems qualifies as gay representation. This is why Pearl can and will be subject to homophobic and sexist scrutiny. It’s also why Ruby and Sapphire’s relationship was so important and groundbreaking. But there are important reasons why the Garnet relationship has been accepted far more readily by fandom (although not perfectly or completely) than Pearl’s feelings for Rose.

As I said earlier, I think many people hold gay relationships to higher standards than straight ones for various reasons. The relationship Garnet represents is presented as ideal: it’s very hard to find fault with it. But Pearl’s feelings for Rose are far from perfect. She is obsessive and jealous and invests all her self worth in Rose. But this doesn’t mean, as some fans have stated, that Pearl is abusive or her feelings for Rose don’t constitute good representation. Many people have gone through what Pearl is going through. Many queer girls, especially, will be experiencing similar situations to Pearl, falling for women or girls who are attracted to and in relationships with boys and men. It’s important for these girls to see Pearl as a hero in a cartoon. It’s groundbreaking and important. In the past, most of the women like us we saw in the media were villains or sexualized for the male gaze. We grew up feeling broken and wrong.

For many people, a girl showing unrequited feelings for another girl who has feelings for a man is not relatable or sympathetic. To them, this is a dynamic that they are unfamiliar with and may automatically strike them as illegitimate. While a similar scenario featuring straight person would automatically strike a cord for them as a tragic unrequited love from a traumatized person seeking self value, one involving a queer woman strikes them immediately as unhealthy and worthy of condemnation.

Fandom’s knee-jerk reaction to Pearl baffled me at first, but with some reflection it began to make a lot of sense. In real life, people don’t have a lot of compassion or patience for queer disabled women, so why would fans show the same for Pearl, who resembles us so closely? Many of us queer women grew up feeling ashamed for our feelings toward other girls and women. We felt like bad people for feeling jealousy when these girls and women dated boys and men. We felt even worse if we were mentally disabled and had difficulty grappling with these feelings in a healthy way. Far more harmful than Pearl’s fictional neuroses is the very real sapphobia and ableism permeating fandom. Even if you want to argue I’m reading too much into it, the fact people feel the need to denounce queer and disabled fans like me for celebrating Pearl goes to show you homophobia and ableism is an issue.

In a perfect world, I would have logged onto tumblr to see the same jubilation, joy and sympathy in the fandom that I felt over Pearl and her feelings for Rose. I would have seen people discussing Pearl’s struggles with compassion and complexity. Instead, I found callous, ill-thought out criticisms aimed at her and fans of her character. I don’t know when the day will come that gay romance is so commonplace in the media that we react to it the way do straight ones, or when mentally or emotionally fragile characters won’t be demonized, but for me, it can’t come too soon.