Welcome, You Have Come to the Right Place!

If you are feeling confused and/or heartbroken because your "perfect" partner with whom you found bliss is making you inexplicably miserable, you may be one of the many unfortunate ~ and lovingly open and trusting ~ people who has become entangled with someone with a personality disorder.



In my case, I am separated from a covert narcissist who also has serious issues involving emotional incest with his mother. "Mama's Boy", "Tin Man", whatever you want to call it - I knew a lot about psychology and about my husband's background and still believed we would make it because of our strong love.



Getting real can be very painful! Especially when you (yes, stupid me) leave one person for the promise of something extraordinary with another. I thought this man was a dream come true and that I was finally being rewarded for giving all in life but not having the benefit of a warm, affectionate, fun partner.



As is always the case with the malignant NPD, the beginning of the relationship was incredibly beautiful, powerful, magical. I saw some signs of selfishness and grandiose behavior but chalked it up to our newfound freedom from difficult exes and our "metamorphoses". (It's hard for me to see butterflies now... his favorite symbol)



Through all kinds of trials and a long-distance relationship (even initially after we were married), I kept giving all I could to the various areas of life and planning on the future we'd mutually envisioned and were, supposedly, working toward.



Well, it was pretty much as soon as I moved to my spouse's state that I realized an awful lot was being expected of me. I'd had to leave my entire life behind and that includes my belongings as he lives in a tiny house.



It became evident that HIS children ran his life when they were there, and they were just tiny kids who needed an adult or a pair of adults, and some boundaries and moral teachings. They got none of those things from him (as they were instruments of his ego and his passive/aggressive interaction with the world) or from their borderline mother.



Decisions were made by the ex and the MIL. My husband is afraid of them and his children, and is so enmeshed with these women in an unhealthy way, that he is not happy unless there is animosity between the women and there is some kind of triangular dysfunction going on.



Staying wayyyy too long in this very chaotic situation (knew eachother three years, married two), many outrageous and unbelievable things happened with the kids and the adults in the family. My ideas (I am an experienced special educator) were dismissed at every turn, and there was constant denial in every area of life by my husband.



I ended up exhausted, bankrupt, disillusioned, and spending a great deal of time commuting to see my children who were not welcome in HIS house. He even allowed them to be treated egregiously by his children. and my kids are sweet boys with special needs.



We are from two different worlds, but that isn't what made this marriage impossible. The killer was the total lack of empathy in my husband. He is a great liar and faker, and his main goal in life is to keep the veil in place and appear to be someone he is NOT.



The facade became apparent to me early on, but I loved this man and we had great times when it was just the two of us, so I chose to believe that he was working toward becoming this persona he held dear.



I have since accepted the fact, impressed upon me by professionals in psychiatry and learned the hard way, that my NPD husband CANNOT change. He WILL NOT admit that he keeps repeating these patterns of sucking the life out of a partner and then ending the relationship by writing them off as "crazy".



I find it horribly sad from a caring perspective, one of "physicianly concern" as his worthless (and greedy) therapist encourages him to have toward all of his crazy ex-partners.



As a person who gave my heart completely to a "counterfeit heart", I am engulfed alternately during our separation by heartache, disbelief, dissapointment, resentment, pity, incredulity, and just plain sadness that washes over me as I reluctantly accept my new reality.



I was duped. I tried so hard to change things and make it all better. I kept sacrificing and hoping that enough love and effort and sweat and tears could demonstrate my love and trust and heal this person. I thought I could open his heart, demolish those walls and convince him he didn't need defenses anymore. I loved him just the way he was; it was the perfection-seeker and judging alienator I could do without - and so could he!



A disordered person, especially one enmeshed unhealthily and destructively with a parental figure, does not think or feel like a "normal" person.



There is no effective way to measure or understand the behavior of your SO with a severe personality disorder. By the time you realize you can't believe one word a NPD says, you see that they are empty inside and operating from a place of fear and inability to see you as anything but "fuel".



Unable to trust them because they do not care a fig about you and your needs, and consistently show you that they and others will always come first, it is easy to become distrustful of yourself and your own judgment. This is what they want - all will be deflected and projected onto you because they cannot stand their imperfections and any suggestion of a flaw in their character.



The need for constant admiration and attention is more about telling them they ARE ok, and if they feel that you know them too well, they will dump you and move on. With a new, "perfect" mask. And they will destroy you and any memory of you. It's especially easy since they don't photograph anyone but themselves and extensions of them that add to their "value" and facade.



I am grateful to get out of this mess and back to an environment where people are real and their aim is to share and improve the lives of others.



In this world there are insecure people who base all value on external things and influences, and then there are ILL individuals who do this but in a methodical and repeating manner to soothe their soul injury and try to fill the burning emptiness within them where most of us have a beating, fragile, loving heart.



It is the hardest thing to leave something/someone that you thought you loved and once made you feel so good. But true love is a reciprocal thing in a marriage or LTR, and NPD's are incapable of love. Simple as that. They can look at you with those eyes that melt you and make you fall apart, and then those very eyes can turn icy cold and see you as the enemy and throw you away.



I hope this helps even ONE person get through this difficult and heartwrenching journey. I've been lucky enough to find amazing support and expert advice, and have left the insanity to move on to a liberated and healthy life.



Good luck, strength, peace and love to anyone reading this.



You deserve to be treated like gold and cherished and protected. Not melted down and sold by a miserly, faux "soulmate".