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I am disturbed by a recent incident I encountered on Twitter. Apparently, a self-appointed femdom became the safety shaming police. From what I gather she trolls other femdom’s posts looking for women to shame regarding what she deems as “unsafe” play. Given the wide range of activities that fall under the BDSM title, safety can be a very tricky call. Basically, these safety shamers judge and criticize others to try and make themselves look better. We’ve all known someone who put us down or made snide comments to knock us down so they felt superior. People like that are annoying, yet through social media, they can now draw more attention to their criticisms and put-downs, while simultaneously gaining undeserved attention and praise for themselves. So what’s behind this behavior?

Why do people enjoy judging and putting down or belittling other people?

Why, if only we knew the intentions behind every action, life would be a lot easier, wouldn’t it?! 🙂

The psychology behind why people do what they do varies person-to-person. It is interesting to try to understand why people become highly judgmental of or belittle other people so often.

I believe that people who enjoy judging people suffer from a crucial lack of self-love and self-esteem. They tend to be their worst critic. And maybe simply judging others would somehow blunt the trauma they inflict upon themselves by constantly pitting themselves against other people. Then there are those who are merely protecting themselves from the world by criticizing others first before being criticized. They suffer from extremely low self-esteem issues and find it extremely difficult to not play defense and offence against the world because they believe the world is out to get them. They are the victims of their life story, not the hero/heroine. The third kind of judgmental people I witness are those who are not consciously aware of the way society has hegemonized them to believe what is normal and accepted, and what is “vulgar” and/or taboo. They follow the set norms and criticize and belittle anyone who doesn’t conform to the society . For example, I have been told to “not live in the society” just because I supported a certain LGBT personality’s choice to not shave, and wear makeup the way they choose to. These people will eventually judge you if you follow normalized regressive norms, and judge you if you don’t. Personally, I suggest doing the latter! 😉 And last but not the least, there are some who genuinely believe they are, as they would describe themselves, *flawless*. They supposedly own a high horse and refuse to get down of its back. Such people are famously referred to as narcissistic, Judge Judy and some curse words I’ll refrain from mentioning! My personal favourite word for them is ‘toxic trash’, and initially I aim to find them and reason with them. If that fails, then I kick their derriere goodbye!

This is my opinion of judgmental people who enjoy belittling others. I’d like to clarify that by using the term psychology, I do not refer to any medical terms to my aforementioned opinions, since I am not a student of psychology but an ardent admirer of it. If that word tends to misguide anyone, let me know so that I can edit my answer for more clarity. No references as I wrote this on a whim… Just wanted to give my two cents on the question!

Live long and prosper! 😀

Love, K.