Meditation and bondage might seem like strange bedfellows, but they actually pair together like milk and cookies.

When you hear the word "bondage," you probably think of pain, humiliation and degradation. You might also think of Dakota Johnson bent over a table getting paddled in Fifty Shades of Grey.

Well, there are more shades of bondage than that. One practice called meditative bondage has nothing to do with sex, violence, misogyny, or whips and chains. It’s about finding Zen, and it’s part of a growing trend I'm dubbing "New Age kink," which combines spirituality with sexuality.

"It's about providing containment for another human being, and it's a conduit for connection,” explains Orpheus Black, a sex educator who teaches private and group workshops in meditative bondage, as well as other aspects of BDSM. “It's a way to feel cared for and tended to, and a method to clear your mind and let go. It's similar to the reason parents have swaddled their babies for centuries — the containment makes them feel safe, secure and taken care of. This is the same idea."

Orpheus Black says he only binds "as tight as a hug." Image: Courtesy of Orpheus Black

In a meditative bondage session I witnessed, a clothed Orpheus Black stood behind his half-naked wife and "slave" (their words) of 20 years, Indigo Black, and slowly bound the upper part of her body. He tied her arms behind her back with a traditional Japanese bondage rope made of soft cotton. "I only bind as tight as a good hug; this is like an extended hug over time. It's loving, not painful," Black explains. He also sets a meditation timer, and participants typically start at just a few minutes before building up to the maximum 15 minutes. (Any longer and you might get a little numb in your extremities.)

"I only bind as tight as a good hug."

The way he tied and untied Indigo was loving. He caressed her slowly and gently with the soft ropes, letting the rope drape down her body. Once bound, he whispered positive affirmations in her ear with warm breath on her neck, and stroked her arms with a sensual, feather-like touch. "I'd tell her she's beautiful and remind her she's safe and cared for. While we don't engage in sex during this, this is great foreplay for sex and helps open your sexual energy," he says.

The last major element is anticipatory touch. "Where would you like me to touch you?" he asked his bound wife. "My arms," she replied. "This isn't about sexual touch. It's about sensual touch. I pause about 10 seconds before I touch her because that pause heightens the touch and gets her to be more present in her body," he notes. Through this process, you could see Indigo deeply relax and even sway a little as she stood there in a meditative state. When the meditation timer went off, he untied her. (Participants can ask to be untied at any time during the practice, though.)

Model Nova Lux in the forward prayer tie Image: COURTESY OF ORPHEUS BLACK

Dr. Chris Donaghue, a doctor of clinical sexology and human sexuality, and a licensed clinical therapist and sex therapist, understands the power of meditation and bondage. "Bondage has the capacity to allow the participant to let go safely into the moment and, as required for mediation, reach and experience what is outside and in between mind and body. These are necessary and healing states to encounter, which is why other practices such as yoga and sitting meditation are so popular."

Image: COURTESY OF ORPHEUS BLACK

In regular meditation, it's often hard to force oneself to sit still and be present. The use of ropes and the support of another person in meditative bondage helps urge oneself into sitting quiet for a bit. "The safety of being held and bound allows a separation from the body and the material world (physical environment, body, ground)," says Donaghue. "The focus is allowed to drift elsewhere. This opens up the participant to experiencing groundlessness, timelessness and selflessness, all of which are necessary for meditation and transcendence."

"The safety of being held and bound allows a separation from the body and the material world."

Donaghue explains that oxytocin, colloquially known as the "love hormone," is released when you hug someone. Since gentle bondage can mimic a hug, there's potential for oxytocin release here.

Psalm Isadora demonstrates the OYoga Half Mermaid pose. Image: PsalmIsadora.com

Other members of New Age kink include orgasmic yoga, orgasmic meditation and Chakrubs, a sex toy company that makes pleasure wands out of crystals, marketed for their supposed natural healing powers and chakra balancing.

In an age when sex toys are getting increasingly more high-tech, with Wi-Fi, app-controlled vibrators and devices that do your kegels for you, Vanessa Cuccia, founder of Chakrubs, saw a need for the opposite. The pink/white seven-inch Rose Quartz ($114) "instrument of pleasure" is the most popular. "It's associated with the heart chakra," says Cuccia. "It's a very calming stone with loving and comforting energy."

Chakrubs Indian Jade product is made of Green Aventurine, also known as the “Stone of Opportunity." Some consider it the luckiest of all crystals, which also helps to break habits and promote growth and optimism. Image: chakrubs.com

"Kama sutra and tantra have been around for centuries, but practices like meditative bondage, orgasmic meditation, orgasmic yoga and even our company are gaining in popularity because there are more people who are looking for spirituality in their sexuality. There are a people I refer to as ‘sexual yogis,’ who are into yoga, tantra and combining spirituality with their sexuality," says Cuccia. She just learned of a new sect called "ecosexuals," some of whom find nature erotic in itself.

...the idea of going slow, savoring the moment and being in your body

Psalm Isadora, who teaches tantra and created OYoga, a form of orgasmic yoga, has long seen the benefits of combining meditation, yoga and sexuality. "These are practices that can really help release your sensual, and sexual, energy. What I teach in my OYoga classes you can then apply to the bedroom, such as the idea of going slow, savoring the moment and being in your body," says Isadora.

While this sounds nothing like the yoga most of us know, the origins of this concept might surprise you. Isadora's version stems from the older Shakti Yoga. Shakti refers to feminine energy and the Hindu goddess. Of course, part of feminine energy is sensuality and sexuality, so OYoga includes various goddess poses, slow and sensual movements, and ways to feel sexier in your own skin, such as using a featherlike touch with your fingertips on your body as you do yoga moves.

"OYoga was created from the nine years I spent studying the authentic roots of Shakti Tantra in the jungles of South India with a teacher who gave me initiation to share the teachings that are 5,000 years old and to help women heal and empower their Shakti sexual energy," adds Isadora.

Whether it’s through meditative bondage, orgasmic yoga or masturbating with crystal wands, the goal is to get in touch with your sexuality on a deeper level that, as Donaghue explains, harkens back to the idea that sex can be sacred, meditative and healing. "Our culture likes to see sex as profane and not part of spirituality. Orgasm is one of the easiest ways for us to experience a momentary loss of everything (time, body, other) and to transcend all,” adds Donaghue.

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