United Nation’s recent decision to not recognize Masood Azhar as a terrorist has sent shock waves throughout the Terrorist world. Many senior and veteran terrorists have expressed shock and anger at UN’s decision to deny the terrorist tags to such a universally revered terrorist. In a press conference, ISIS Caliph Baghdadi denounced the United Nations as a Zionist conspiracy and asked for the Islamic countries to form their own version of United Nations to confer honorary titles of Terrorist, Jihadi, Ghazi and the like. The United Nations, too saw noisy discussions and repeated disruptions by Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Sudan and other Arab nations demanding that UN revoke its previous decision. A Saudi diplomat at UN in fact described the decision to not recognize as Masood Azhar as a terrorist amounting to travesty of justice and a mockery of the high ideals of United Nations. The decision to not confer the title of Terrorist on Masood Azhar attains significance as he had made multiple representations to the UN to recognize him as a terrorist in the last few days. The Chinese delegation in particular came under heavy criticism for its lack of understanding of nuances of the terrorist world.

Following several rounds of discussions, the United Nations has issued a press statement. The statement reads, ‘The United Nations realizes that its recent decision to not confer the title of Terrorist on Masood Azhar has caused pain and suffering on people the world over. Masood Azhar is hereby deemed a Terrorist by the United Nations. Also, after detailed deliberations, the United Nations has been able to prepare a criteria conferring titles upon brave individuals engaged in acts of terror. The criteria as described by the UN is as follows-

1. Number of terror strikes

An individual must execute the following to be deemed a terrorist by the United Nations:

a. At least 5 successful terror strikes on civilians in the past one year, Or

b. At least 3 successful attacks on Armed Forces in the last two years, Or

c. At least 1 successful attack on Indian/Israeli/American forces in the last three years

d. A permutation/combination of the above three criteria

2. Number of victims

An individual must meet the following criteria to be deemed a terrorist by the United Nations:

a. At least 50 kaffirs per terror strike in the last one year, Or

b. At least 25 Shias/Ahmadis/other Islamic groups per terror strike in the last 2 years, Or

c. At least 50 foreigners in a terror strike in the last 3 years, Or

d. A permutation/combination of the above

3. Geographical expanse

An individual must meet the following criteria to be deemed a terrorist by the United Nations:

a. Terror strikes in 5 or more provinces/districts/sub divisions of a country in the last one year, Or

b. Terror strikes in 3 or more countries in the last 2 years, Or

c. Terror strikes in India/Israel/America in the last 3 years, Or

d. Serial Bomb blasts in a city in last 5 years

4. Ideological purity

An individual must prove his loyalty to his fellow terrorists by undertaking the following-

a. Call for Jihad in Kashmir at least 10 times a year in the last one year, Or

b. Call for Jihad in Chechnya at least three times in the last 2 years, Or

c. Call for obliteration of Israel in the last 1 month, Or

d. Call for death to America in the last 5 years

5. Professional Qualifications

An individual desirous of being recognized as a terrorist must meet the following criteria-

a. At least 4 years of experience in Bomb Making/Making suicide vests/belts, Or

b. At least 3 years of experience in launching hand held rocket launchers, lobbing grenades, Or

c. At least 7 years of experience in beheadings, stonings and the like, Or

d. Permutation/Combination of the above

All individuals who aim to be recognized by the United Nations and be conferred upon the title of Terrorist must send a mail with details of their achievements latest by the end of this month. Their applications will be scrutinized by an international Shura composed of Abu Bakr al Baghdadi, Ayman al Zawahiri and Hafiz Saeed. All individuals recognized as Terrorists will get an honorary membership of the Shura in addition to a scholarship of $500000 per month sponsored by Saudi Arabia and Pakistan.