Anonymous asked:

hello! can you explain why men can't be feminists?

Hi!

Feminism is about women/females. Women are subjugated under men. To put it simply, I feel like it is just not men’s place to call themselves feminists when feminism is about women and specifically liberating women from patriarchy and misogyny. Men are the oppressors of women.

There are also other secondary reasons why I’m wary of men who call themselves feminists and why I’m more than frustrated with this push to include men at every turn (e.g. “patriarchy hurts men too!!!”).

Inevitably it will water feminism down. Many women start feeling like they have to soften their words when men are around so as to spare men’s egos and feelings. This is classic female vs. male socialization going on. Women feel like they have to cater to men and men feel entitled to be catered to. I see this a lot with (liberal) feminists when they start talking about patriarchy as if it’s this random abstract thing that fell from the sky one day rather than something that is actively upheld by actual male human beings. I’ve noticed that some feminists also try to talk about patriarchy and misogyny as if they are upheld equally by men and women and as if men and women are affected equally. By speaking this way, they’re obscuring the real issues and not naming the problem. The cynic in me feels like men do this on purpose so we won’t get anything done.

Many men who call themselves feminists, even the well-meaning ones, clearly seem to feel very entitled to women’s time and labor. They expect us to hold their hands and fix all of their problems for them…problems they’ve created for themselves. This is why I am so over the “patriarchy hurts men too!” thing. Why are we supposed to give up our time and waste our energy on the problems that they’ve created for themselves? Why is it our responsibility to help them when patriarchy, a system that overwhelmingly benefits them, backfires on them every once in a while? So much of what they cite is stuff they do to each other anyway. If we’re expected to focus on their issues and solve all of their problems for them, then it takes time and energy away from our focus, from women’s issues. Again, the cynic in me feels like men do this on purpose so we won’t have any time or energy left for ourselves.

Many men are happy to call themselves feminists and are happy to push their way in to feminist spaces but don’t actually ever do anything except take up our time. I can’t even count how many male “feminists” I’ve met who basically just sit around, regurgitate our talking points back to us, expect praise, and never even try to take anything up with their fellow men. I mean, I don’t expect every person on earth to be a committed activist, but it’d be nice if male “feminists” would actually try to talk to other men every once in a while rather than just us.

I haven’t even gotten into the more sinister stuff. Many men who call themselves feminists feel like this is a free pass and don’t seem to realize that they still receive male privilege, are still male socialized, and still harbor misogyny. All too often men who call themselves feminists get a big pat on the back and then they don’t ever examine themselves. Even worse, there are men who call themselves feminists specifically to manipulate women and specifically to prey on women. We hear the bros on college campuses “joking” about taking women’s studies classes to “pick up chicks.” There’s nothing funny about men manipulating women and using their male “feminism” as a shield. Read about Hugo Schwyzer if you haven’t already.

Men can be allies and men can (and should) certainly use their male privilege to be beneficial, but I don’t think that they should call themselves feminists or insert themselves into our movement and expect to be catered to. Honestly, the way that men react when you dare to say “men can’t be feminists” should tell you everything. More often than not they throw a fit or say something misogynistic. That tells me everything.