Hopefully with more exposure and education, younger trans kids won't have to go through so many psychological, emotional and financial hurdles like this

I am a transgender male.



Many people are not quite sure what that means, so to put it simply, I was born a girl and now I am transitioning myself into who I really am, a man.



Transgender Dysphoria is recognized as a psychiatric disorder, and the only one so to have physical treatments rather than just mental ones.

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Although many of us don't like to see it as a disorder because we're not sick, we've just been given an extra hurdle in this game we like to call life,I personally like to say that God was drunk when he made me and accidentally put my soul in the wrong body, but that's my humour for you, my humour helps me deal with the biggest things in my life.



Unfortunately, my humour won't let me finish the final step of my transition, which is surgery. I have been medically transitioning for two years now by doing hormonal replacement therapy and my life has improved tenfold!



I am so much happier and I enjoy life in ways I never thought possible before.



However, there are still many things that I'd like to enjoy in life that I am not able to at the moment, such as going out to the beach or going for a swim with my friends, having a bath with my girlfriend or even just sleep with no top on in the heat of summer. There's an easy fix for that which is a chest reconstructive surgery (bye bye boobies) which is sadly no longer government funded in New Zealand and medical insurers view it as cosmetic surgery.



Well let me tell you what it actually is like; there is stress, there is crippling anxiety, there are panic attacks, there are compulsive thoughts of self-mutilation and self-harm.



Something that you do every day, something as simple as having a shower, takes a giant emotional toll on me, kinda like, you know when you accidentally touch something really gross and you shriek and shake it off then scrub your hands so hard they go all red and sore hoping that you got rid of it all?



That's what it feels like... except it's attached to me.



I lived a life of chronic manic depression, been suicidal more often than not, struggled with substance abuse and everything in between.I just want to be happy.

Hopefully with more exposure and education, younger trans kids won't have to go through so many psychological, emotional and financial hurdles like this.

I'm currently being helped by many friends and strangers to help me on the final step of this journey.