WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Republican congressional aide Elizabeth Lauten said on Sunday morning that she “deeply regretted” her attack on Sasha and Malia Obama because it “completely overshadowed the vicious insults I hurled at their parents.”

Appearing on Fox News, Lauten said, “If I had to do it over again, I’d leave the girls out of it so that the horrible things I said about their parents would have had a chance to shine through. I’m kicking myself about that.”

Saying that she had “learned my lesson” from the incident, she added, “I put a lot of work into crafting malicious insults about Barack and Michelle Obama, and those insults have largely been ignored. That’s the real tragedy here.”

Visibly emotional, Lauten said that having her attacks on the First Couple be overlooked "has been a source of great personal suffering for me," but added, “I refuse to call myself a victim.”

“If what I've gone through helps others to do a better job of vilifying the President and the First Lady, it will all have been worth it,” she said.

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