In both an aggressive yet not-that-surprising move, a Melbourne-based father has brought in legendary pornstar Asa Akira at the 11th hour.

Dad of three, Say-Kit Kwong from Box Hill, Victoria, knows that being gay is ‘just a sickness’ that can be cured with the right approach and reteaching the basics of biology and procreation between man – and woman.

This time however, the sickness has taken the form of a five-year relationship between his son Oscar (26) and soon-to-be husband, Jeremy Le-Croux (34). And while Say-Kit is confident in his cure, he has recognised a need to change tactics.

“As the great Sun Tzu said, desperate times call for desperate measures” says Say-Kit as he rips up what appears to be a rainbow coloured wedding invitation.

“You heard of Asa Akira?”

After firing away a variation of high volume search queries on his Samsung Tablet including “hottest asian pornstar” and “best asian pornstar of all time”, the retired dentist finally got in touch with the Ms. Akira’s agent over the phone.

“I can give her free major dental for life lah and after all, she probably needs it.”

The 15-time Adult Video News (AVN) Awards winner including 2013 Best Double Penetration Scene says while she was hesitant at first, she is “Soooo ready” to come out of retirement.

“The GAM/SAF (Gay Asian Male / Asian Female) Bondage market hasn’t been covered” says the veteran actress.

“I probs need ortho too, hehe”

Official filming of the series will start next week.

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