Get in there, my son (Picture: Ditto)

Dating apps, amirite?

When it first came out a few years ago, Tinder seemed like the absolute dream – an online store for the type of hotties you never saw in real life.

The rush of matching with a future bae was undeniable, like a little bump of serotonin – and it was addictive.

You’d get chatting to your matches and find out some were dry as hell, but it was fine because there were plenty more fish in the sea, and the sea was big and full to the brim with (seemingly) high quality sea life.


So you’d get chatting to some more and you’d meet a few of these ocean dwellers, some of whom you realised look nothing like their pictures (very different fins and gills to those advertised) and some of whom you may have ended up swapping er, oxygen bubbles with.



Which was fun. At first. Until you realised that actually, dating apps are festering pits of despair, which have made each and every one of us so disposable, as there are so many alternative options at our fingertips.

Don’t like the way he eats chips? Hate the way she says a certain word? Not sure you live near enough each other?

Bin them and find another. Hell, you don’t even have to tell them, you can ghost the hell out of them.

But what if there was another way? (And no, I don’t mean meeting someone in real life, don’t be stupid, it’s 2018.) What if there was an app where you can only match with one person at a time, and you’re accountable for your actions?

Say hi to the newest dating app to use up your data – Ditto.

How are you going to ruin Joe’s day? (Picture: Ditto)

With Ditto, you’re mutually exclusive with one match on the app, until one of you unmatches.

The makers hope the app will ‘bring some sincerity to a rather shallow culture while also encouraging a more straight forward conversation’ and they reckon it’s like taking the real world of dating and putting it into an app.

Which assumes that people only date one person at a time in real life which is just not true.

But anyway, what happens is this – you swipe through potential suitors until you get to one you like the sound of, swipe right and hope for the best.

Once you get a match, you’re both blocked from swiping other future baes.

However, get chatting to them and realise that actually, Ted from Stoke Newington is about as funny as an intensive care unit? You can unmatch him.

Once you hit unmatch, you’re given the following options to choose from to send as a reason to Ted – inappropriate messages, not enough chemistry, long response times, showed little interest, or no real reason.

Now, ‘no real reason’ seems like the douchiest move in this scenario, as that’s pretty brutal, but hey ho.

The apps makers reckon that while offering a reason seems harsh, it’s actually kinder than ghosting, as it leaves no false hope and allows both of you to move on.

Okay, so what if you match with someone who is already chatting to someone? In this scenario, you’ll be notified, and they’ll be given the option to match with you instead.



On the flip side, if you get another match come through while you’re chatting with, say Sarah, you have to decide whether to stay with Sarah, or kick her to the kerb and match with Danielle.

And if you choose to stay with Sarah, then Danielle will get put back in the pile, ready for you to (maybe) match with again when you realise that Sarah is actually a massive racist.

Alex already looks sad, don’t ruin his day (Picture: Ditto)

Now, Ditto’s not out yet, but will launch in the app store before Valentine’s Day, which we’re guessing is a move to cash in on the full desperate force of all the lonely hearts out there.

We’re not entirely convinced that many people will join this app, purely because we live in a world where people buy accessories that swipe right to every single person for them, and these types of people prefer apps like Tinder or Bumble which allow them to swim freely in a sea of opportunity.

But we’re willing to be proven wrong, lovers.

Sign up for Ditto here.

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