CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Buckingham Palace can relax today after the news that the malignant Prince Andrew will be out of sight and out of mind for the remainder of the Queen’s lifetime.

This follow’s Prince Andrew’s train crash interview with the BBC about his friendship with the pedophile Jeffrey Epstein, which was broadcast last weekend.

Notorious billionaire pedophile ring leader, Jeffrey Epstein was found dead in his New York prison cell three months ago, and the media hasn’t really found any of this that interesting, a part from the bit involving the Royal Family after failing to break Princess Meghan Markle.

Andrew’s friendship with Epstein’s former girlfriend and alleged madame, Ghislaine Maxwell, is also being explored by the UK press – and it seems the younger brother of the soon-to-be-king hasn’t been doing himself any favours by facing the press at all.

However, this dark smudge on the British Royal Family’s otherwise spotless reputation looks to be dealt with today, as Prince Andrew announces plans to move to Bondi by December.

By utilising what little clout he has left in the Commonwealth, the eighth-in-line-to-the-throne has today landed himself a dream job in Australia, working for the New South Wales Police Force.

It is believed that Prince Andrew is very excited about the job and the political immunity it will provide him in the coming months.

Outside of visits to the Virgin Islands, it is very rare for a man of his standing to have the opportunity to force underage girls to strip down in front of him whenever he feels like it. Not since Jeffrey broke his own neck.

Prince Andrew is equally excited by the prospect of not being held accountable for abusive behaviour by the conservative Australian media or the state government.

It is believed he is currently in the process of being fast-tracked through Goulburn Police Academy, where he will be handed matte black Glock 17 and some pamphlets for Hillsong leftover by Scipione.