Nobody ever doped to ride an exercise bike.

Oh, sure, big ol' athlete out there ridin' all over France and gettin' money. Know what we call that? A SELLOUT. Because, as we've proven time and time again, those athletes who fight to be at the top have something very very VERY wrong in their brains. Either they've sacrificed all the good stuff in life (like pizza and sleeping late) to chase after a tiny gold medal, or they're full of goof juice and ha ha powders so they can pedal at Mach 6 for nine hours straight. And what's the point of that? If you want to cheat all day, just go work for a Wall Street firm, it'll pay more and you'll get weekends off.

Real bike fans know that the only person you race is yourself. Which is why all you need is a stationary bike. Same exercise benefits, 100% less ha ha powders. Right here is the only clean game left in cycling.

Isn't that SAD? It's just a bike race, people!

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