The general synod of the Church of England is expected to approve Richard Dawkins as the new head of the Church of England. A spokesman explained; ‘Whereas most of the candidates prevaricated over the question of the existence of God, Richard was quite clear. His knowledge of the Bible is second to none and he isn’t a woman, so he seems ideal.’

Lambeth Palace has so far denied that Archbishop Rowan Williams sudden and unexpected retirement was because he wished to enter a gay civil partnership with Cardinal Keith O’Brien.

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