Introduction Andrew: Good to know Chick is still putting together tracts, even though he is approximately as old as the earth. I don't know why he decided to suddenly do an AIDS tract now, considering that AIDS has been a scourge for almost three decades- but, what do you expect, it's Chick. The tract's conception of AIDS and homosexuality is also badly dated. Let's see what Jack Chick has to offer those suffering and dying of AIDS-related illnesses.

Jessica: Finally, we have a tract that is going to familiarize and help us cope with the ever growing threat of the Heartless. Chick is finally doing a public service. ...wait. That isn't what this is about? Shit. I was getting my hopes up too.

Andrew: It took me a while to figure out what the heck the title was referring to, actually. The patients? The nurse? The AIDS virus? It seems to refer to the demons. I can't believe I just typed that.

Jessica: This doesn't really look like a hospital. Is this like a convalescent or a hospice home or something?

Andrew: In addition to his physical health problems, our friend here is obviously dealing with some mental issues, leading him to talk to himself.

Jessica: I have a fun game you can play here. Pretend for the next four or five panels that the book Nurse Clara has been reading is actually Stephanie Meyer's Twilight. It makes the first part of this comic just a little less tragic. If only for a moment.

Andrew: Well, if you simply replace every iteration of "demons" with "sparkly vampires", it makes it even more apparent how ridiculous this comic is. On the other hand, when you consider that Chick believes vampires are real, it sucks some of the fun out of it.

Jessica: I really don't think human heads are supposed to look like that.

Andrew: I don't know why Jack Chick still relies on his own drawing skills, which were never too solid in the first place, and have only gotten shakier over time, especially since the stroke. He's used other artists from time to time (Like Fred Carter), and the results are usually much better.

Jessica: Actually, yes, unnamed banana-nosed person. Someone who holds such virulent beliefs about disease should in fact NOT be in a job caring for people suffering from such diseases. This is just like those pharmacists who refuse to sell confused teenage girls the "morning after" pill because it interferes with their "religious convictions." Dealing with assholes interferes with my religious beliefs, but I highly doubt my boss would be very understanding about my needs in this area. P.S. I want you to examine the appearances of these four characters and start taking bets on which one is going to get saved. Ten-to-one odds.

Jessica: She has the pain pills! The ONLY PAIN PILLS!!! And if we have her fired for her inappropriate proselytizing then we won't be able to get our pain medication because she'll take it with her!!! Does Chick even read his dialog?

Andrew: "Oh no, we offended Clara! She'll take away her magical ice cream truck full of goodies!"

Jessica: "She's an enemy!" No, she's an irritating Bible-thumper who doesn't understand the boundaries she should respect at work. Let's not blow things out of proportion here.

Andrew: Oh that Clara's a tough old broad, isn't she. Dispensing earthy advice with a few quips to teach them white folk how to be funky and free. To be played by Whoopie Goldberg in the feature film adaptation of this tract.



Jessica: Yeah! I may think you're horribly confused sinners who indulged in a filthy and degenerate lifestyle and who deserve to die for having the ABSOLUTE GALL to not suppress who you really are, it doesn't mean I don't love you! I clean your bed-pans. Now shut your queer pie-holes! Screw this lady.

Jessica: These comics always operate from a position that non-Christians give half a rat's ass what Christians think of them and where they'll go when they die. What she's saying is insensitive and hostile, but it's more of the "Sin gave you AIDS" rather than the "You aren't children of God" that they should be getting in a knot over.

Andrew: Each one of them knows what they did! "I got AIDS from a dirty needle stick." "I got it from my wife, who used to have a drug problem." In Chick-land it's still 1986, and the only way to get AIDS is to be gay, and all gay people WILL get AIDS.

Jessica: Oh, no you don't! She's a health care provider dealing with terminally ill patients. If she's upsetting them by saying they're the ones to blame for being sick and they're going to Hell then she probably shouldn't be working there.

Andrew: Well... her story is tragic and all, but what does it have to do with condemning the AIDS patients to hell?

Jessica: OK, woah, woah, woah. Time out. Full stop. Hold the presses. If I understand this correctly she's basically implying that one catches "Teh Ghey" from be being raped in the same manner one would catch food poisoning from eating some expired chicken. Like you get molested and BAM! You've got the queer. I hope I don't have to actually explain how ludicrous that idea is.

Andrew: Apparently homosexuality is an STD. And the only cure is more cowbell Jesus! Good thing that church was there, otherwise she might have involuntarily become a lesbian! This makes it seem that all these gay characters were just a church visit away from becoming upstanding, moral, generously tithing heterosexuals. I wonder if Chick even realizes he's trying to replace "I was born this way and had no choice" with "I was made this way, and had no choice." After all, if it's the demons, then whatchagonnado?



Jessica: Is that thing on the left supposed to be a lady? Egads. It looks a bit like Tom from Green Angels.

Andrew: It's just that easy, huh?

Jessica: Oh for fu- Yeah, Jack. Yeah. You've got everything all figured out. Molestation = Teh Ghey. Up your ass with broken glass. BTW... here's that article he's referenced. What is says is that it is possible, though somewhat difficult for lesbians to get AIDS from other women. What that has to do with anything, I'm not entirely sure.

Andrew: Yeah, lesbians can get AIDs, and so can straight people. I remember Dan Savage had a quip that went something like "It's not like gay people are two sticks rubbing together and AIDS is fire."

Jessica: So if I understand the time line correctly here, a person gets molested or raped. They immediately catch the homo even though they were straight before. They then make up lies to justify why they are gay. I... don't really understand.

Andrew: It's the devil's fault! But it's also your fault too. Chick has a sort of uneasy regard for free will, doesn't he?

Jessica: I like this subtle jab at the Catholics that Chick is wont to do from time to time. You know altar boys just have huge bulls-eye targets painted on the seats of their pants.

Andrew: This is one of the problems with using a religious tract to prove a factual point. Jack Chick believes molestation makes you gay. Lo and behold, all the gay characters were molested. Q.E.D.? The problem is that the author has his thumb on the scale. Of course the gay characters were molested- they were written that way.

Jessica: I would wager a guess that they do not, in fact, remember how they changed after that seeing as how they just said they were born that way.

Andrew: I... there's just not much to say about this page.

Jessica: The demon on the left looks extraordinarily bored. Or sad. Maybe the dead guy was a friend of his. I want to give him a flower or something.

Andrew: "You know, it's tough being a demon. I worked like 20 years to get this guy, and now he's gone, just like that. I mean, I know that's my job, but it makes me a little sad. All that work."

Jessica: I know these people use the term "strange flesh" to mean same-sex attraction, but I prefer to think they really are talking about STRANGE flesh. Like the backs of your knees. Or that dimpled area right above your buttocks. Or the insides of your toes. Yeah... now THAT'S HAWT!!!

Jessica: The guy in the foreground seems slightly off-put or disgusted by the flames engulfing is left hand. It's like he's saying in his best Winnie The Pooh voice "Oh, bother. My hand seems to have caught fire. Whatever shall I do now?"

Andrew: "People thought they could get away with it" but the demons made them do it. Punish 'em anyway!



Jessica: Jack seems to think that all people with HIV develop Kaposi's Sarcoma without exception. I don't think that's exactly the case but it seems Chick, and people like him, seem to enjoy using it as a visual short-hand for "This character has AIDS." P.S. That Wikipedia article has finally given me a name for my new grunge metal band - "Malignant Neoplasm"

Andrew: Yes, according to this, "no unsaved man or woman stands a chance against his powers." So how, in Chickverse, is it your fault if the devil makes you do something? I just don't get it.

Jessica: Here we go again. It's like evil spirits are real and you can catch them from toilet seat or something.

Jessica: Jesus predicted wars and natural disasters, and I'll be damned! There are wars and natural disasters now! He must be coming back, like, yesterday! Look busy guys! Jesus is coming!!!

Andrew: I know Chick and company think "the world" is just horribly wicked and getting worse all the time, but compared to, oh, say the entire 20th century, things actually aren't that bad right now.

Jessica: Is there a reason Jesus couldn't use all of Noah's name there? Does he have some sort of bone disease that causes him to drop certain syllables from certain words or something?

Andrew: Oddly enough, when I use the ol' bible passage locator, it's got the full name. That's KJV, too, so I don't know what Chick is using. The Wycliffe Translation has "Noe", but I didn't think we were supposed to use anything other than KJV.

Jessica: John 3:16... blah, blah, blah.

Andrew: And once again, we know this happened because... it says so in a book. We trust the book because it was written by God. We know it was written by God because the book says so, and obviously you have to trust the book. Does this cause anybody else concern?



Jessica: Believe on Jesus? That doesn't sound exactly right.

Andrew: First "Noe" and now "believe on Jesus". Our terminology is just all screwed up today.

Jessica: This is completely arbitrary. Two yay's and two nay's. I also like the completely non-sequitur anger "I hate your Jesus!" apropos of nothing at all. How about "I still don't believe your Jesus exists." Not everyone who isn't a Christian hates Jesus. Most just think the whole idea is laughable and stupid.

Jessica: Horray! Jesus kicked out the spirit monster and cured Bobby of The Gay! Too bad he didn't cure him of AIDS while he was at it. Thanks, Jesus. Whenever someone who is terminally ill gets saved in the Chickverse they suddenly can't wait to die. "I just got saved! Awesome! Someone get me a gun, I'm going to see Jesus RIGHT NOW!!!"

Andrew: "Oh, what, you expected me to save you from your disease? Like I used to cure lepers and stuff? Eh... I don't do that one anymore, actually. Union regulations- you understand." Chick imagines this world where gay people chose to be gay, then go on around strong-arming other people into joining them, as though being gay was a religion or a social movement. He never seems to ask why anyone would chose to be gay, and deal with the difficulties- condemnation from moral leaders, difficulties with parents and family, the need to seek out companionship in dangerous places- that have tended to follow for most of human history. Being normal is far easier.

Jessica: I don't know what that is supposed to be in the first panel. Is it like a comet, or a shitty pizza flavored ice cream cone?

Andrew: I think we're being extremely literal about "one- third of our planet". It's like a pie-chart, with one-third being devoted to hail and fire. Unfortunately, Chick doesn't have the sharpest grasp of geometry, or realize that a sphere and a circle have different surface areas.

Jessica: As a place name, shouldn't "Hell" be capitalized?

Andrew: We've just got weird typological stuff and terminology all over the place this time.

Jessica: Miss going to hell by doing this... performing the Salah. That's what you meant, right?

Conclusion Andrew: Like some other tracts, this is a grade-A example of bait and switch. This one's about AIDS! Read it and learn! But really, it's not about AIDS per se, it's about demons. Yup, invisible spirits, like its 1690's Salem. In this tract, AIDS is nothing more than the final coup de grace for gays, God's punishment for sin in viral form. And since in Chickverse, gay people just get AIDS as a matter of course, all our characters are gay AIDS patients, because there are no other kinds. Gotta love the Chick logic. Molestation -> evil spirits -> gay -> AIDS. There's no ifs, ands, or buts about it. I doubt Chick has ever talked to a real gay person, other than those poor "ex-gay" suckers.