Nigel Owens: I came out as gay but there are still many in rugby and football who don't feel able to do the same

Sixteen years ago, Nigel Owens, now widely regarded as the best rugby union referee in the world, lay on a windswept mountainside high above Carmarthenshire’s Loughor Estuary with his life ebbing away.

Then 26, Owens, racked by his inner demons as he struggled to come to terms with the growing realisation that he was gay, had taken a lethal cocktail of steroids and painkillers.



He was minutes away from drawing his last breath when a police helicopter equipped with thermal-imaging technology spotted him and swooped to his rescue.

Speaking out: Nigel Owens is one of the most respected referees in international rugby

Leader: England captain Chris Robshaw speaks with referee Nigel Owens during a match against South Africa

‘I never thought I would get to the dark place in my life that I did,’ said Owens as he recalled that awful time. ‘I couldn’t accept who I was and I didn’t want to be the person I was becoming. I didn’t want to be gay.



‘I was comfort-eating and made myself ill by forcing myself to be sick. Then I started to go to the gym to try to feel better about myself and ended up getting hooked on steroids. I was getting more and more depressed dealing with my sexuality. I was worried all the time. It was a cocktail for disaster. It felt like the only way out was to end it all — so I did something I’ll regret for the rest of my life: I attempted suicide. I was 20 minutes away from dying.



‘When I think of the rollercoaster ride I’ve been on in getting to where I am today, I have to sit down and ask myself, “Bloody hell, how on earth did I get here?”’



Here, in a literal sense, is Cardiff’s Millennium Stadium, where Owens talked candidly about his life. Here, in a professional sense, is the very top of world rugby’s refereeing tree.



High profile: Welshman Owens in action during the RBS Six Nations rugby match between France and England

Owens notched up his 50th international during this year’s Six Nations when he officiated at Brian O’Driscoll’s final appearance in an Irish jersey as Ireland faced Italy in Dublin. And Owens will be in charge of another showpiece occasion at Twickenham on Saturday, when Saracens face Clermont Auvergne in the semi-finals of the Heineken Cup.



He did not talk publicly about his sexuality until 2005, just as his professional refereeing career was taking off. He did so then in part because of fears that his private life would be cruelly exposed.



But he says that rugby, despite its macho image, has generally been supportive. ‘After I accepted who I was the next challenge was whether rugby would accept who I was,’ he said. ‘Would I be able to stay in the sport I loved or would I have to walk away to be myself?



‘Fortunately, I never had to make that decision. Rugby has supported me and players, spectators, pundits and administrators have all enabled me to be who I am.’

So why, as Owens and his fellow Welshman Gareth Thomas have found since revealing their sexuality, do they remain the only two men involved in professional rugby to have declared themselves gay?



While Olympic diver Tom Daley and cricketer Steven Davies are among high-profile British sports stars to have come out without encountering overt hostility, elite rugby, just like professional football, has few gay role models. ‘The numbers don’t stack up, do they?’ said Owens. ‘I know there are more people in professional sport, including rugby and football, who haven’t come out.



Confident: Owens has also become a successful after-dinner speaker alongside his refereeing

‘It will take a footballer or a rugby player to come out in the prime of his career to trigger more people to do the same. A huge percentage of people playing rugby and football who could come out haven’t done so because they don’t feel ready.’



Owens fears football’s reaction to a top player coming out may not be as sympathetic as rugby has been to him. ‘Football’s come a long way in the last 10-15 years but until the day comes when fans are able to sit together and enjoy each other’s company there will always be the threat of abuse,’ he said. ‘Until football loses that undercurrent of nastiness and violence there will still be an element of people who will abuse others because of the colour of their skin or their sexual orientation.

‘But the fact someone with a profile like Tom Daley has come out has grown awareness of it tenfold, and the fact that he has spoken about it will have helped thousands of young people battling the same thing.’



Owens does not subscribe to the idea that rugby operates on a higher moral plane than football, although he did famously chide one player for speaking back at him by saying: ‘This is not soccer.’

But he does believe there are lessons that football could learn from rugby.



‘Issues such as racism, players abusing referees or referees swearing at players would all be sorted out if the refs wore microphones which TV viewers could hear,’ he said. ‘It would end the claims and counter-claims that are so damaging. It might mean the first Match of the Day would just be bleeps for an hour but the players would soon learn.’

Stern words: Owens did not talk publicly about his sexuality until 2005

Owens is acutely aware he is a role model within the gay community but he believes it is not only professional sport that carries the responsibility for the relatively tiny percentage of openly gay sportsmen and women in this country.



‘Some professional sports have this macho reputation where people don’t always think they can be themselves,’ he said. ‘There is an assumption in parts of the gay community that rugby is homophobic. But by assuming that, they are stereotyping rugby in the same way they themselves don’t wish to be stereotyped.’



That stereotype appeared to be confirmed earlier this year when former Ireland lock Neil Francis made a series of claims, including ‘gay people don’t play sport’, while adding that sport’s changing rooms were overwhelmingly hostile and would not welcome gay players. He later apologised for his comments.



‘What he said was from the dark ages,’ said Owens. ‘Several high-profile players sent me messages saying he was totally out of order.’

A key to Owens’s success has been his ability to laugh at himself. He is a high-quality after-dinner speaker who is not afraid to use humour to challenge perceptions in a sport with a reputation for being a ‘man’s game’.



‘I was at the Scarlets-Racing Metro game with my godson and cousins,’ he said. ‘The referee made a decision the person in front didn’t like. He shouted, “Another bent referee” and the bloke next to him said, “No, you’re thinking of Nigel Owens”.



Experienced: Owens notched up his 50th international during this year's Six Nation

‘My godson looked at me and the bloke obviously realised, “Oh s***, he’s sitting there”. He looked over and started stuttering about how sorry he was.

