Aries: Diet Mountain Dew

Honorable mention: American

Aries tend to think short-term and live for excitement. When it comes to love, they live for the chase. If “you’re no good for [them],” then “baby, [they] want you, [they] want you”. Aries move through life impulsively and follow their gut, but planning for the fallout of their choices isn’t their strong suit. They like the rollercoaster. Whether or not they’ll be in love forever is another story.

Taurus: Cherry

Honorable mention: Salvatore

Taurus is Cherry! Taurus is the most sensual sign of the zodiac, as their romantic Venus ruler meets their earth element to ground their sexuality in all that is physical - “cherries and wine, rosemary and thyme”. Cherry covers all of the bases of Taurus affection - the touch of real love, fine food and drink, rose gardens.

Gemini: Ride

Honorable mention: National Anthem

PSA: Lana is a Gemini! Lots of Cancer placements but it needs to be said!

“Been trying hard not to get into trouble but I, I’ve got a war in my mind” - me too, Lana!!! It’s called Gemini duality, baby! Geminis have a reputation for inconsistency, rooted in their own internal battles. Geminis suffer from the classic air sign indecision as they can always see every perspective, and their mutable adaptability leads them to morph themselves to adjust to their circumstances. Self-defining can be difficult. While the music video to this is certainly worthy of criticism (see: her cultural appropriation of the Native American headdress, lots of casual usage of the word “crazy”), the monologue she wrote to accompany it is chock full of Gemini phrasing. I’ll leave you with this excerpt:

“I was always an unusual girl

My mother told me that I had a chameleon soul

No moral compass pointing me due north

No fixed personality

Just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean

And if I said I didn’t plan for it to turn out this way I’d be lying”

Cancer: Summertime Sadness

Honorable mention: Blue Jeans

First of all: before any of you claim she’s a Cancer, please consult this and this.

Cancer is the zodiac’s soulful, moody, summertime lover, but Lana actually wrote this song following the death of her best friend. Ruled by the moon, Cancerians are known for their strong intuition (“I feel it in the air”) and powerful emotions (“Honey, I’m on fire, I feel it everywhere”). Because they love so deeply and prioritize long-term relationships/friendships, they tend to move on slowly from traumatic events (see: “Think I’ll miss you forever, like the stars miss the sun in the mornin’ sky”). They take their time with grief and breakups because they want to feel it all.

Leo: Love

Honorable mention: This Is What Makes Us Girls

Lightly - Leo is the sign most likely to ”get all dressed up to go nowhere in particular.” More seriously - Leo is a grandiose lover. At heart, Leos are hopeful, fun, optimistic, and worry-free. Generous, giving, and a bit dramatic, they want love to overrun their lives. This affectionate PDA-lover wants a partner they can be proud of, and they’re so demonstrative that they’re the most likely song to write “Love”.

Virgo: In My Feelings

Honorable mention: Mariners Apartment Complex

“I’m smokin’ while I’m runnin’ on my treadmill.” Even Virgo’s bad habits are accompanied by bettering themselves. Just look to the Virgos in your life who deprive themselves of sleep and neglect their health in favor of work. This song also features hints of judgmental Virgo savagery: “Could it be that I fell for another loser?” “I’m laughin’ as I’m taking no prisoners and taking down names.” Virgos are a service sign! They get taken advantage of by losers because their fixer asses think they can clean up a messy person! That kinda shit can get any person in their feelings.

Libra: Young and Beautiful

Honorable mention: Radio

Surprise, surprise! The young beauty of the zodiac gets Young and Beautiful! But actually, this song reflects on the fear that love is vain - a fear that Libra knows well. The truest romantic, Libra seeks a perfect love and thrives in partnerships. Most likely to pray, “Dear Lord when I get to heaven….” (Because they’re so nice that they already know they will) “… please let me bring my man”. I don’t want to go alone!!!

Scorpio: Born to Die

Honorable mention: Freak

No other sign could be Born to Die. Scorpio is the sign most closely associated with death, transformations, and the gritty, hard parts of life. Scorpio can stare into the abyss unblinkingly. But the morbid language of Born to Die guises what’s really a melodramatic love song. Walking on the wild side, seeking a passionate love, and being in it for the long road are all also very Scorpio. Scorpio wants a long, devoted love story characterized by maddening, bond-building emotional exploration (read: dramatic swings). They’ll take you to the finish line.

Sagittarius: Get Free

Honorable mention: Lust for Life

Sagittarius culture is declaring positivity as your “modern manifesto.” Maintaining a commitment to freedom. Wanting to move. Above all, Sagittarians prize their independence. They need to be able to change their minds, go where the wind takes them, and prefer to rely on their own resourcefulness than leave their fates in the hands of others. They’re definitely among the sings with the strongest case of FOMO, because they want to soak up all of the joy and experience that life has to offer. Dwelling is not an option. Out of the black, into the blue.

Capricorn: Gods and Monsters

Honorable mention: Money Power Glory

Capricorn is marked by their ambition and career climbing, but also by their upright moral standards and strength of character. In “Gods and Monsters”, Lana sings about trying to maintain her authenticity while entering the fucked-up world of LA. Capricorn possesses an intense drive to succeed, but on their own terms. No one’s gonna tell them what to do, and no one’s gonna take their soul away.

Aquarius: Brooklyn Baby

Honorable mention: Change

“Yeah my boyfriend’s pretty cool, but he’s not as cool as me.”

Frankly, few are as cool as Aquarius. Aquarius is the sign of individuality, always on the cutting edge, seeking novelty and innovation. They’re inspired. This song is a playful jab at the ways Brooklynites attempt to be overly hip - smoking hydroponic weed and getting down to Beat poetry. An Aquarius at their worst tries too hard to aspire to this level of chic.

Pisces: Video Games

Honorable mention: High by the Beach

“Video Games” is a beautiful song filled with magical memories of a relationship that Lana gave her all, even though her boyfriend sounds kind of like a scrub who just wants to play video games while they’re hanging out. Pisces love unconditionally. True givers, they often martyr themselves because their unending empathy leads them to value others’ emotions over their own. See: “It’s you, it’s you, it’s all for you / Everything I do”.