Dear Glasgow City Council,

I have been a huge fan of your work for a while now but you have truly surpassed yourself by making Glasgow the UKs first ever `Smart City` . I would like to congratulate you on beating 30 other cities to get a £25 ,0000,000 grant from some nice chaps called TSB (Technology Strategy Board) in the middle of a recession.

A lot of `Haters` would claim it could be better spent on fuel poverty, potholes, construction, education, youth centres, Wiping out bedroom tax, looking after the sick and disabled who have been attacked by ATOS, infrastructure, sport, music, the arts, etc. but I agree 25 million percent that what Glasgow needs is facial recognition CCTV .

I like the part that you will integrate it with council tax so anyone not up to date with their bills can be instantly stopped in the street as they gallivant to the local shop for a pint of milk and a loaf of bread. Like duh? If you can afford bread you can afford Council Tax. Poverty is no excuse . I seen a thing on the news the other day that says you can live a healthy lifestyle on less than a pound a week so these people are obviously just doing shopping wrong or spending tax payers money on tropical cruises and heroin reefers. I hope TSB will also work closely withmy other favourite TSB and all the banks and financial institutions so there is no hiding place for people with bad debt and bank charges.

My favourite part of the initiative is the fact you can use `Behavioral Suspect Recognition Technology` or `Pre- Crime` as it`s dubbed. This means you catch the criminals before they commit the crimes. I`ve often lay awake at night worried about the criminals who walk the streets freely just because they have yet to commit a crime. These criminals must be brought to justice . Their obviously too lazy to actually do any crimes but why should that grant them immunity from the long arm of the law? Let`s stop rewarding laziness (I Blame Labour) Pre- crime criminals should be treated the same as Post- Crime criminals and Present- tense criminals who are literally being caught in the act right now.

It`s lovely that your cameras are so clever they can actually go behind a pre-crime criminals cold dead prole eyes and into their murdering drug abusing brains and see what terrorist plots they are cooking up before they even know themselves, A true triumph for a free world.

The only part I didn’t really like in your press release was “The Glasgow Future Cities Demonstrator aims to address some of the city’s most pressing energy and health needs. For example, developing systems to help tackle fuel poverty and to look at long-standing health issues such as low life expectancy”

See, I don`t really think people living longer and having more money is that high a priority. I think people have way too much money as it is. Any extra dough left on the Jobseeker`s Allowance and spongers everywhere will be stocking up on tanks and armed helicopters to mug grannys and kill house pets. For more years than they would`ve without your kind technology.

How does this part also work in practice? Does your camera beam vitamins into the pre-criminals bloodstream? Does it tag you on Facebook and give you a free powercard?

The part about helping with car accidents is good though. Just the other day, I was in a car crash for a week before I knew what was going on. It was all very inconvenient but these beautiful cameras will be able to spot and verify an accident much better than the current million pound CCTV system or the peanut brain of a human.

All in all, a fine job . Keep up the good work. And if I don’t see you soon, IM sure you`ll see me LOL

Yours respectfully,

A Fan

`Bus Stop Apocalypse` out now at http://thegirobabies.bandcamp.com