My man Chuck Todd, ably assisted by Andrea Mitchell Greenspan on the newly renovated MSNBC, is now firmly ensconced in a booth at the Mena Airport, and he's ordering rounds for the house. Today, he delivered himself of the opinion that the only reason that Hillary Rodham Clinton had that infernal machine, the private e-mail server, was to hide the secret garden where she'd buried Vince Foster from the prying eyes of the tribunes of the people, like my man Chuck Todd, and like Chris Cillizza, who believes that, even if there is no smoking gun in the e-mails – Pro tip: There's not. – HRC is still in trouble because people, like him, will talk about them.

"How is this more convenient, to have your own home brew system," said Todd, the Meet the Press moderator, on TODAY. "Who has IT at home? Isn't it easier for anybody out there to get your email via work? I actually think that excuse is the one that's the least believable… I still think the most logical explanation: She was trying to get out of congressional action and Freedom of Information Act requests."

Is there any evidence out there to this effect? Of course not. My man Chuck Todd is dealing in clairvoyance here.

The nation should now be convinced of the obvious fact that that the elite political press learned nothing at all from the fact that, throughout the 1990s, they got played like tin whistles by every poolroom liar in Arkansas. We're back in the bullshit hell-maze again. The crucial document is just…inches…away. We know it's out there because…it's out there, because Clinton, and for no other reason. If David Brooks really wants to know why HRC has "an embattled combative posture, and sometimes an air of reactiveness," he should take a trip down to Parker Dozhier's fish camp again and see if he left any Weekly Standard staffers down there in '99.

The e-mails do tell fascinating stories, particularly as concerns the wariness with which the White House and the State Department treated each other as the administration began. But, hell's bells, that's not as sizzling as the revelation that HRC didn't know how to charge an iPad, or any sentence in which HRC and Huma Abedin both can be mentioned. This is what had AMG's bowels in an uproar.

ANDREA MITCHELL: Now, Huma Abedin, the closest aide of course and long time assistant and moving up the ranks with Hillary Clinton. At one point, she's e-mailing with Clinton, "Do you know what this is?" And Abedin, says, "Your e-mail must be back up. What happened is Judith sent you an e-mail. It bounced back. She called the e-mail help desk at State, I guess assuming you had State e-mail and told them that. They had no idea it was you, just some random address. So they e-mailed. Sorry about that. But, regardless, means your e-mail must be back. Are you getting other messages?" So, Steve, her original explanation was this was convenient. This hardly seems convenient.

To his credit, Steve Clemons of The Atlantic resisted what must have been an overwhelming temptation to drive railroad spikes into his eyes.

So fcking what? Even if the darkest suspicions harbored by these people is true, and HRC kept the private e-mail server for reasons beyond convenience—and I know people who will go all around Robin Hood's barn on the internet rather than learn a shortcut; I happen to be one of those people—where does that leave us? What "classified material" there was mainly was classified ex post facto. What case are they trying to bring? That HRC is less transparent than they would like her to be? OK, let's go back to Dick Cheney's energy task force and start from there. Or all the e-correspondence that Colin Powell vaporized. That the key to Benghazi, Benghazi! BENGHAZI! is in there somewhere? That she, somehow, somewhere, at some time, mishandled sensitive material? Show me the money on that one, or show it to Valerie Plame. She should get a good laugh out of it.

And, as they call last call in the Mena Airport lounge, somebody always yells, "SID BLUMENTHAL!" and everybody drinks.

"If the Republicans don't have the nerve to speak up for their own best heritage, then someone has to do it. The Republican Party is in a state of political disorder. Into the midst of its chaos a Trojan Horse has been thrust in the form of a self-proclaimed Tea Party as though the extremists behind it have something to do with the American Revolution and are not a stealth takeover operation of a confused political party funded by the same people who paid for the extremist movements against President Eisenhower and President Kennedy," he continued.

I'll drink to that myself.

Here is another tip: if somebody in your newspaper, or on the Intertoobz, or on the electric teevee machine tells you that something like today's e-mail dump "raises more questions than it answers," it means that person's got nothing and you're being played.

Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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