BECKY BAIN Address : Usually My Boyfriend’s House in the Valley Email : Just Facebook Me, It’s Easier OBJECTIVE To give you a vague, yet exciting, overview of myself which will make me stand out from the hundreds of resumes your assistant has to read. Also, my ideal position would get me lots of money in return for little to no work. EDUCATION Penn State – No, that’s not the Ivy League One, You’re Thinking of UPenn B.A. in Communication, seventeen classes short of a minor in Business Graduated (It took over 6 years but I did it!)

EXPERIENCE Professional Actor 2/04 – Present I’m a bartender. Internship at Impressive Sounding Production Company 5/03 – 12/03 Responsibilities included picking up my boss’dry-cleaning, taking his cat to the vet, photocopying scripts that will never be made into movies, complaining about not getting paid. Manager at My Dad’s Store Never – 11/01 Not really, but he’ll lie for me if you call to check up on my references. LiveJournal contributor 7/97 – Present Daily writer on my own online journal, chronicling my obsession with my roommate’s cute boyfriend and my thought on last night’s American Idol.

SKILLS Gives great head, Knows every episode of The Simpsons by heart, Always puts the dishes away right after using them, Can kill spiders and roaches without screaming. Knows how to open Powerpoint (but little else), Can cry on cue to manipulate people into feeling sorry for me and Types 80 words per minute (mostly texting and lolcat speak). ACTIVITIES Five Minutes During the First Meeting of Key Club in High School Stalking My Exes on MySpace Court-ordained Community Service Going to the Gym and then Negating My Entire Workout with Reward Pizza References Available Upon Request, Except the Employers Who Fired Me