The dead speak… and party! As 2019 comes to a close, a group of high-profile Sith acolytes are planning the ultimate send-off for the last decade. According to one party planner, this year’s sinful soirée is raising the bar for the end-of-year party that’s been celebrated by the Sith for millennia.

“We’re doing an intergalactic simulcast across two dozen systems, and everyone who’s anyone with the Dark Side will be there, either in person, as a zombie or a clone, or via Holocron.” –Malachi the Black Heart, event planner

Of course, some New Year’s traditions never die. So you can also expect a midnight Death Star drop with a randomized New Republic planet being vaporized, along with live performances from death metal jizz bands, plus the real star of the festivities: the re-birth of the New Year’s Sheev.

“His evil undead face is just so painfully cute. Baby Sheev will straight up murder Baby Yoda in a cuteness contest.”

As of this afternoon, the confirmed guests include Asajj Ventress, Quinlan Vos, Sev’rance Tann, Savage Opress, Snokes 8 and 9, Moff Gideon, and Kathleen Kennedy.

Happy New Year from everyone at FakingStarWars!

—William “Willybobo” Bobo

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