Where do we belong?

You know the feeling. You click on an article about queer mamas to find it uses LGBT and lesbian interchangeably. You belong as long as you're queer enough. And your queerness is conditional. You access your local LGBTQ parents group but are left to wonder if your straight partner is welcome at any events. You belong but not as a family. We'll accept you but not all of you. When you go to the pediatrician's office, they refer to your enby partner as your Mrs., just because you present as a man and there's only one other option. You belong as long as you're heteronormative. And in your local, general parents group you send up queer smoke signals, bi bat signals, you skywrite in rainbow...and *crickets*. You belong as long as you're not too queer. You belong but you're the only one here.





As a bi person and a parent, I've been trying to piece together this puzzle, dissect the conundrum, solve this intangible riddle. Where do I belong?

Like I mentioned in A Feminist Primer for Bi Men, bi people are more likely than gays and lesbians to be parents, bi women at double the rate of bi men. According to the Williams Institute nearly two-thirds of LGB (64%) parents are bisexual.

There are so many of us. And though a great number of queer people with kids are bi, content geared towards LGBTQ parents often erases bi folks through language and neglect. Resources for parents in different gender relationships target straight, cis parents. Without the specificities people in the queer community require, we may show up but our needs remain unmet.

So where do we belong?

istock/Wavebreakmedia

Look, this is not an easy question. And I won't pretend to have a global, final answer. I just want you to know I'm carving out a space for us. Come back every month for Step Bi Step, a new limited series crafted with you in mind. I'm going to explore what we read, watch, and do as parents--without condition or restriction, without heteronormativity or LGGG. As a wise man once said, I've always wanted to have a neighbor just like you. Fellow bi parent, wherever you are I'm so glad you're here.

Join me next month when Step Bi Step throws a baby shower...and it's Queer as Hell (if Hell was entirely populated by unicorns and made of rainbows, that is.)