Hey y’all! I hope everyone is having a great day. I know it’s been a minute since I made a post.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”. That is one of the first idioms that you learn as a child about how to deal with bullies and people who make fun of you. I think the idea behind it is definitely a good one, especially when it does come to things like bullying, and ultimately you are going to have a very hard life if you cannot take a joke and have thin skin. People definitely should only allow words to have so much power over them as possible, but at what point is it just being harmful? I don’t know the answer to that, but I will say that just because we shouldn’t allow words affect us, does not mean that they don’t affect us. Words have power, no matter how thick a person’s skin may be, there are just some things that you should never say to or about another person.

In Scripture, St. James calls the tongue a “relentless evil, full of poison” and something that “no man can tame”. The tongue can be a powerful weapon that can destroy with no more effort required than it is to build someone up and give them praise. The bad part about that is that nobody can tame it, once something is said, you cannot unsay it, but that’s not even the worst part. The worst part is when you just say things before you even think and you’ve damaged someone else. We have all had that happen to us, on both sides, saying things we never meant or should have said, and hearing words that hurt us because the other person didn’t think before they spoke. It hurts.

I think that’s why while we’re told that words can never heard, we’re also given the same advice from Bambi, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I recently came out to my parents a few weeks ago, and it did not go well at all. While even though some of my friends who know are not supportive, they still supported me in that moment and gave me words of encouragement. However, one told me “I told you this would happen, that (being transgender) wouldn’t bring you happiness.” I don’t remember what the words people told me, but those words he said are probably forever seared onto my mind. While I don’t question his intention, I think he was genuinely trying to be helpful, in his mind; it was the opposite of helpful and just made me feel worse about myself.

I think that’s the point, regardless of how well intended we may be, our words still may be read a different way, and that’s why thinking before speaking is so critical. I am a teacher, and every single day I explain things to teenagers all day long. While none of it is ever hurtful, countless times throughout the day I find myself rewording instructions because how I think it works in my head may not be how it works in my student’s mind. I have to be constantly mindful of what I say because I have to be precisely clear so 180 people hear the exact and understand same thing in the exact same way. It’s a similar situation when you talk about anything else, you can say the exact same message, and have it interpreted two different ways by two different people.

We have to be mindful of that when we are communicating, especially when talking about issues that have real people’s lives at stake. Our words have consequences, both good and bad. Just as easily as my friend’s words were seared painfully in my mind, the makeup girl who first saw me at Sephora making sure I was okay and not nervous (in fact, she was actually my first “male fail” asking me if I was a male to female or female to male transperson, and the random girl during the makeover who told me how pretty my lip color was still sing in my ear. I’ll never forget those words either because they were probably more influential in why I walked out of their feeling sexy and cute for the first time in my life than the fact that I was just wearing makeup.

We can talk all day about how words shouldn’t matter, but at the end of the day I think they impact everyone more than they think or want to admit. I think this is an important step towards the process of becoming bilingual, realizing that what we say may not be interpreted by the listener how we anticipate or think it is going to be interpreted, especially if we do not know who all is listening. Be mindful of your words because you may not know who is listening, and even if you do, they may not hear the same thing that you say.

God Bless and I love you all and I’ll see you next time!