Jeremy Clarkson is said to be quitting The Grand Tour in order to pursue a career as London Mayor “as soon as physically possible”.

This comes as no surprise as for a long time he has expressed an interest in how a number of the city’s frameworks are run. In fact, the subject of his latest column, that caused quite a stir when the Daily Fail misquoted the piece, will be his first port of call, with Clarkson planning a complete upheaval of public transport and the congestion charge.

“London should be the pinnacle of all capital cities, but for some reason, it’s swarming in busses and trains and traffic cones. Stupid!” The ex-Top Gear host said.

“Living on my farm has taught me that you simply don’t need them. And if you take away these dirty diesel busses and trains, the city will be greener, and polar bears will start smiling again. My genius is almost frightening.”

When asked about the loss of city income, he had a simple answer.

“Well if you buy Amazon Prime, the city will never have to pay for postage again, surely saving us all more money than ever.”

Clarkson will be beginning his campaign on April 1st, with it ending later that day on April 1st.

When asked why his campaign is so short, he looked at me like I’d just given him a cold steak and said, “how hard can it be?”