Even if his memo were true and accurate, which I am positive it isn’t, Devin Nunes would still go down in history as a simple, partisan stooge. A man who traded any semblance of morality or ethics he might have once had to bravely ride into Washington on his steed and defend President Donald Trump from the slings and arrows of his detractors. Why? Because all of the trouble Trump and company are in is of their own doing, that’s why.

It was not a big secret before the election that the Trumps were in bed with Russian oligarchs. Everyone can pretend like it is, but there are already so many clips and interviews of Trump and his dumb-ass siblings bragging about their good relationship with Russia that it would take a real moron to genuinely believe that there isn’t something valuable Russia and its oligarchy is getting out of this presidency. So just simply on paper it would make sense why Russia would want to cultivate the guy they kept afloat financially when American banks started see through the veneer of con and bluster, but, what could possibly be the benefit for the oligarchy and Putin himself, I wonder?

What’s that you say? No sanctions on Russia, you say? Gee, that almost feels like some quo to Trump’s quid, but I don’t speak Latin, so maybe it’s all just…you know a coincidence.

But I want to come back to the central thesis of this whole thing — Devin Nunes is the protective turd layer covering up a rotting, filthy pile of diarrhea under him. He’s the solid shit you take just before the torrent of white-hot, liquid diarrhea comes spewing out of your asshole. And every Republican who isn’t tainted by Trump’s…taint…knows it. Nunes is an errand boy, and always has been. It’s not even remotely hard to see.

Nunes was supposed to have been recused, from the entire Russian investigation, remember? Because Nunes was part of Trump’s transition team, hew as rightly surmised to be far too compromised and biased a person to be even tangentially involved in the congressional oversight of the Russia meddling affair. When he recused himself, it seemed like maybe, just maybe Nunes wasn’t going to play Gunga Din for trump, but as we’ve all come to see, he not only loves carrying the president’s water, he holds Trump’s dick for him while he pees…which is doubly mean because he took a job away from a Russian prostitute to do so.

There is no doubt in my mind that the memo Nunes wrote was based on some things that have a mild relationship to the facts. For instance, I’m sure Devin mentions the FISA court, which is a thing, so he’s good there. But, not having seen it, I am sure that he twisted every single fact he could, and the ones he couldn’t he just left out. I know this to be true because the FBI itself has said so, and Trump’s own Justice Department has pushed back hard against the memo’s biased nature.

Let’s be clear — I don’t trust everything the FBI says. I know too much about their history. I know they targeted people like John Lennon and Martin Luther King Jr. But I also know that the people running the FBI then aren’t the same people now, and I know that when it comes to people committing crimes, the FBI probably has the best people on their payroll for doing just that. If the FBI abused the FISA application like Nunes’ bullshit memo alleges, then internally they would have blown it all up and cleaned house.

Nunes is not unbiased. Not in the slightest. What he’s trying to do is like Al Capone’s capo testifying that it was Elliot Ness’s Untouchables who were really bootlegging. It was the Untouchables who were putting out hits on people, not Capone. The first thing a criminal tries to do is sully the waters for the cops, to make them look like the bad guys. Given how some cops act, it’s a good strategy, but these things called subtext and context matter, and just like Capone’s henchman would have no place in court defending him, Nunes has no place to cast aspersions on the FBI.

I also have a hard time just swallowing the basic framework of the Republican argument here:

Career Republicans in the FBI, some of whom are on record only donating to Republican candidates, decided to collude with two powerful Democrats and take down a fellow Republican. The only evidence the FISA judge cared about was the dossier that had pee-pee tape allegations in it. There is no other evidence that exists that the Trump campaign colluded with Russia, or that Trump is a compromised tool of Putin The indictments of Carter Page, Paul Manafort, George Papadopoulous and others mean nothing because they think the FISA court was abused, even though some have already plead guilty. Donald Trump Jr’s meeting with Russians to get dirt on Hillary was no evidence of collusion. We should be far more concerned about whether a dossier — in whole or in part — was considered as part of a broad spectrum of evidence against Trump — than we are about Trump clearly helping the Russian oligarchy launder money and weaken America’s position of dominance.

Devin Nunes is that slimy poo log that slides out of your butthole just before you flood the bowl with the filthy magma of diarrheal explosion. He wants us to ignore the stench underneath him, and be outraged about the janitors who are just trying to scrub the toilet clean. History will not be kind when it remembers Devin Nunes, but I don’t expect him to care.

Turds don’t care. They’re just turds. And undoubtedly, Devin Nunes is a turd of epic proportions.