The connector’s advantage was never knowing people. It’s knowing people. The size of your Rolodex matters less than the size of your commitment to the people in your life.

I have spent my entire life and career at the intersections of people and relationships. I strive to learn how to be better at connecting, failing and succeeding every day. I’ve read all the books, watched all the interviews, and know everything from the scripts to the science of it. But nothing compares to putting yourself in a position to create an authentic connection with someone else. Instincts take over and we must choose which ones to embrace and which ones to eradicate.

In the early days, I was a gatherer. I collected information, lessons, ideas, and yes, even people. Then, I reached a tipping point. I had so many people and resources at my disposal that they became disposable.

This was a problem.

I took for granted all those people, all that information and worse off, I would have kept them all to myself. I feared that my ability to have deep and meaningful relationships with others would be trampled by another person’s ability to develop what I thought was a competing relationship.

This wasn’t reality.

As I got older, I recognized the value of deep meaningful curated relationships. It completely shifted how I approached people and who I included on my journey. My intentions shifted from relationships for sport, to relationships of substance. It was no longer about entering a room of strangers and walking out with everyone knowing my name and story. Rather, it became about how well could I articulate the stories of others. How well do I understand the person and how well did I understand their story?

I began paring down the number of acquaintances in favor of intentional and focused opportunities to connect with people I trust and love. I found myself protecting my circle more, but at the same time seeking to make the world smaller by bringing disparate communities with shared values together. Friends become family and foundations are laid for a future.

Through this journey I will continue to learn, but there are some indispensable lessons I am compelled to share below.