Bad news guys

in this myth all the norse gods die

yeah this is the big one

the end of the goddamn world

so basically the first thing thats gonna tip everyone off

that the world is ending

is this thing called Fimbulvetr

which just means

THE WINTER OF WINTERS

and it seriously is

a winter

made of MULTIPLE WINTERS

like

there is going to be a winter

and then once that winter is finished

there will be ANOTHER WINTER

and then after that

will it be spring?

think again son

MORE WINTER

so this is basically going to have the effect

of pissing off everyone in the world

and turning them into assholes

everyone will start fighting everyone

because its just gonna be so cold

for so long

everything is going to start to really suck

then finally after that goes on for a while

this wolf Skoll

who is one of the sons of Fenrir

is gonna eat the sun

then fenrir’s other kid Hati will eat the moon

because he’s a fucking copycat

then the cock Fjalar will crow to the giants

all like TIME FOR WAR MOTHERFUCKERS

and the golden cock Gullinkambi will yell the same thing at the gods

and then a third cock will raise the dead

hehe

cock

THEN

there’s gonna be A WHOLE BUNCH OF EARTHQUAKES

and this is going to have the effect

of finally releasing evil wolf bastard Fenrir

from his shitty underground prison

and his bottom jaw is gonna touch the earth

and his top jaw is gonna touch the sky

and his eyes are going to be on FIRE

and theres gonna be a whole bunch of tsunamis and shit too

because Jormungand

the midgard serpent

who holds up the world

and is also another one of loki’s horrible children

is going to start having siezures all over the ocean

on its way to fuck up the land

and not only that

but he’s going to breathe poison all over everthing constantly

completely destroying all the air

and all the land

and all the waves caused by the serpent

are gonna set free this ship called Naglfar

full of giants

ready to romp and stomp everyone

and another ship is gonna set sail from hell

with all the dead people on it

and Loki is gonna be driving it

because the gods sure as shit want nothing to do with him

at this point

and guess who else is coming to the party

FIRE GIANTS

ALL THE FIRE GIANTS

what are fire giants you ask?

I dont know maybe giants MADE OF FIRE

the sole purpose of whom is to show up

at this EXACT MOMENT

lead by this guy SURT

and fucking set fire to EVERYTHING

so then this dude Heimdall

who is the god of light

and the son of nine chicks

and has gold teeth and can see a hundred miles

is going to blow his horn

signaling that SHIT

is finally about to get REAL

and odin and all the other gods

and all the elves

and dwarves

and demons

and basically just anything ever

are going to ride onto this one battlefield

called Vigrid

which means BATTLESHAKER

and they are going to tear each other to pieces

Odin is going to fight Fenrir

and fenrir is going to eat Odin

and then odin’s son Vidar is gonna be like NOOOO

and run up and rip Fenrir’s jaw in half

which is pretty appropriate because Vidar

is the god of revenge

meanwhile thor is gonna fight Jormungand

because they have unfinished business

from the time thor tried to lift it cause he thought it was a cat

and he is gonna kill it

but then its poison

is gonna kill HIM

and Surt is just gonna run up

and pick the weakest looking god

Freyr

who is the god of the sun and elves and shit

and just kill him straight up

because Freyr is unarmed and a pussy

then Tyr is gonna look around like

shit i need to kill someone to prove how badass i am

how about this terrible wolf GARM

and he kills it

despite the fact he only has one hand

but then Garm also kills him

and also Heimdall kills Loki

FINALLY

but Loki also kills Heimdall

so that will suck

and on top of ALL OF THAT

Surt is gonna just start chucking fire

in every direction

burning everything

so it wont even really matter if you survive the epic battle

because everyone is catching fire anyway

except for these two people

Lif and Lifthrasir

a dude and a chick

who will just be sleeping in this indestructible forest

during this whole thing

guys i dont understand why everybody doesnt just like

hang out

in the INDESTRUCTIBLE FOREST

that would seriously minimize some casualties

just saying

anyway when its all over

and the earth dives underwater to try and put out all the fire

and then comes back up again all fresh and new

Lif and Lifthrasir are gonna repopulate the world

and everything is going to be great forever

what i think we can take away from this myth

is that no matter who you are

or what religion you believe in

its really important to believe in the apocalypse

because then no matter how shitty your life is

you can always imagine

that maybe the world will end before you die

and you will get to be part of something super important

and your lack of achievements will not matter

and no one else will outlive you either

woo

the end.