ST. LOUIS, MO—Assuring her that the simple procedure would be over before she knew it, area gynecologist Dr. Therese Geiss promised patient Dana Juarez Wednesday that while receiving her new intrauterine device she would feel nothing more than a quick pinch before finding herself sprawled on the floor unconscious. “Okay, Dana? Just take a deep breath, and before you know it, you’re going to be passed out in a limp heap,” said Dr. Geiss, informing the nervous patient in calm tones that she would hardly feel a thing, aside from one massive and overwhelming pain spike as the small contraceptive device was inserted into her uterus. “Listen, don’t worry. This is totally routine. You’ll feel a tiny twinge of pain, and the next thing you know, we’ll be peeling your limp body off the linoleum and you’ll come to in a couple hours. I want you to relax and count to ten with your eyes closed, and reopen them when you finally regain consciousness.” Dr. Geiss warned Juarez of the potential side effects of receiving the IUD, including occasional nausea, abdominal and pelvic cramping, and possible severe headaches as a result of hitting her head while collapsing to the ground from the sheer shock.

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