How do you know when you are healthy enough to say goodbye to your therapist? And how should a therapist handle it? —The Times.

A therapist’s office, Central Park West.

Patient: I just heard a funny joke.

Therapist: (doing the crossword ) “Rose is a rose is a rose” writer. Five letters.

Patient: Stein?

Therapist: Stein.

Patient: What was the big deal with Gertrude Stein? She was, like, the original famous-for-being-famous person. The Paris Hilton of the twenties.

Therapist: It’s going to be tough to finish this if you keep talking.

Long pause.

Therapist: (puts newspaper aside) There. O.K.

Patient: So listen to this one. What’s the hardest part about rollerblading?

Therapist: I don’t know, what?

Patient: Telling your dad you’re gay.

Therapist: That’s funny.

Patient: Who are you texting?

Therapist: A friend. Can you hear me with your iPod in?

Patient: What? Let me turn this off.

Pause. They smile at each other.

Patient: Do you think there’s a God?

Therapist: I don’t know. Why?

Patient: Just popped into my mind.

Long pause.

Patient: How much time do we have left?

Therapist: Forty-five minutes.

Patient: Good weekend?

Therapist: Why do you ask?

Patient: Just making conversation. Sometimes, on my iPod, I put a song on repeat and listen to it over and over and over. Like, I listened to “When the World Is Running Down,” by the Police, ninety-six times yesterday. Amazing song. Do you do that? Is that normal?

Therapist: I don’t do it, but I know people who do. Do you want medication for it? There’s a pill for that now.

Patient: No, I’m good. I see that you’re doing sit-ups down there.

Therapist: (on the floor) Yeah. Trying to get in shape. Plus—I’ll be honest— I’m a little bored.

Patient: Oh. Well, that kind of leads into something I was thinking about.

Therapist: Go on.

Patient: So I’m thinking of ending.

Therapist: Ending what?

Patient: Therapy.

Therapist: (stops doing sit-ups) Why? I think we’re making progress.

Patient: I know. But it’s been twenty years and . . .

Therapist: Let’s not get caught up in “numbers.”

Patient: . . . I find I don’t have much to say anymore.

Therapist: How does that make you feel?

Patient: It doesn’t. How does that make you feel?

Therapist: What was the question?

Patient: I guess I feel like I’m better.

Pause.

Therapist: Really?

Patient: Why? Do you not think so?

Therapist: Well, you’re the expert.

Patient: I didn’t mean to suggest that. It’s just that, well, I’m . . . happy.

Therapist: Happy? And you think that that’s what this is about?

Patient: Isn’t it? I mean, twenty years is a long time, right?

Therapist: Who’s to say?

Patient: It’s been good. It’s been weird at times, but good.

Therapist: Remember the vacation we took to Monument Valley?

Patient: That was pretty great, except for that sunburn I got.

Therapist: And we took that Spanish class one summer. So fun, right?

Patient: That was fun.

Therapist: The meds.

Patient: Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Prozac, Effexor, the illegal one from Mexico, and all the side effects. Remember that estrogen drug you put me on by mistake and I started growing breasts?

Therapist: (laughing) Hey, that was a typo and I apologized for it!

Pause.

Therapist: Well, if you really think you’re ready, then all I can do is wish you the best.

Patient: I appreciate that.

Pause.

Patient: The role-play thing a while back got weird, right? The costumes? The whole astronaut thing?

Therapist: Why judge it?

Patient: All right, then.

Therapist: All right, indeed.

Patient: (chuckling) I really hated you sometimes.

Therapist: (chuckling) Ditto.

Patient: (still chuckling) And now that it’s ending I have to ask: there were times—I just know it—that you weren’t listening to a word I was saying, right?

Therapist: (smiling) Not a word.

Patient: (smiling) Amazing.

Therapist: (smiling) Can you blame me? You never shut up. It’s like you were born without a filter. The whining. Mother, father, brother, boss, girlfriend, blah, blah, blah. Who cares?!

Patient: (still smiling) It’s largely been a horrible waste, hasn’t it?

Therapist: (smiling) Pretty much.

Patient: (smiling) All that money and time.

Therapist: (smiling) Three words: house in Umbria.

Patient: (smiling) Is it this way with all your patients or just me?

Therapist: (smiling) Just you.

Patient: (smiling) I see. Well . . .

Therapist: (smiling) Good luck.

Pause.

Therapist: (softly) Do you worry about being homosexual?

Patient: What’s that?

Therapist: Nothing.

Patient: Did you just ask me if I worry about being homosexual?

Therapist: No. Yes. Why?

Patient: What do you mean? You just asked if I worry about being homosexual.

Therapist: Do you?

Patient: No. Why?

Therapist: Your “joke” earlier.

Patient: It was a joke.

Therapist: Was it?

Patient: Wasn’t it?

Therapist: We have to stop. Let’s pick up here next week. ♦