“Now Greg, there’s no need to be so pathetic.”

Homer Simpson. Peter Griffin. Fred Flintstone. George Jetson. Jake Morgendorffer. Randy Marsh. Oscar Proud. Richard Watterson. Jerry Smith. The unnamed fathers of Dexter from Freakazoid, Dexter from Dexter’s Laboratory, and Timmy Turner. Dads in cartoon comedies for all ages can be loving in various ways, but more often than not they’re either bumbling or just plain stupid. I mean, there’s literally one named Goofy.

The trend to dumb down dads originated as a subversion to the paragons of Father Knows Best and Leave it to Beaver, and later The Cosby Show (whoops) and Growing Pains (whoops by proxy for Alan Thicke’s gross son). But the Dumb Dad has long surpassed the ubiquity of the Dull Dad, and the trope has in its own way become boring. The standard, in cartoons and live action sitcoms alike, is the Dull Dumb Dad.

It’s a similar to sensation to how the word “nimrod,” which comes from the biblical king of the same name, went from meaning “great hunter” to “idiot” thanks to Bugs Bunny’s ironic usage influencing generations of children. When a joke is repeated enough in just the right circumstances, it eventually stops being a joke (see: Donald Trump).

This is what makes Bob Belcher, the quirky but talented and hard-working father of Bob’s Burgers, so refreshing. And it’s what makes Greg Universe in House Guest so disappointing.

There’s simply no reason for him to lie to Steven about his leg being broken. There’s no indication, before or after this episode, that this is in keeping with his core character: future showcases of his faults like Maximum Capacity and Greg the Babysitter and Mr. Universe hammer in that his major flaw is thoughtlessness when he’s too wrapped up in something, but here he isn’t thoughtless but calculating. And there’s no indication that Steven would be against hanging out with him more, which throws off whatever motive he might have to take extreme measures. The misfire is deafening on a show this good at creating natural conflict between consistent characters.

It’s not fair to criticize an episode for what it isn’t, but I’ll just say this and let it go: if the crew wanted to make an episode where Greg feels left out and wants to hang with Steven, Ocean Gem already sets up that he has second thoughts about Steven’s exposure to danger with the Crystal Gems. Doubling down on these reservations would be much more realistic and would root his behavior more purely in a place of love, and Steven getting the yips because of it could maintain the plot point of his healing powers fading.

Anyway. Greg has never been a perfect dad, but he’s such a great guy that it’s a shock to see him turn downright rotten in House Guest. It’s also a shame, because his behavior is not only less realistic for him but less interesting. Greg’s competence and pure love is already a subversion of the Dull Dumb Dad, so falling into the trope is a devolution rather than a development.

Like fellow season premiere (I know, I know, this is a “half season”) Full Disclosure, this episode explores the immediate aftermath of a major event. Greg’s leg and van are broken, and he’s too poor to get either of them fixed properly. Pearl may be glad to help with the van, but doesn’t for a second hide her Rose-fueled disdain for Greg. It’s not long before Amethyst reminds Steven about his healing powers to help with the leg, and Greg’s deception begins.

The knowledge that he’s lying just poisons the rest of the episode; Steven gets upset, and Greg has the opportunity to go back on his plan upon noticing this (“Haha, delayed reaction!” or something) but he doubles down on the lie despite it hurting his “fave guy.” Note that as soon as he suggests the two can spend more time together, Garnet pointedly hums. Like us rewatchers, she knows what’s coming.

Dear Old Dad amps up the sweetness, but this too is hollow, as it’s built on an unnecessary lie. Why would Greg not be able to spend time with Steven in a scenario where his leg is healed? Especially when the Gem who dislikes him most is busy fixing the van? There’s lip service to him “getting in the way” of Steven’s training, but we’ve spent so much of this show seeing Steven during his down time that this excuse doesn’t cut it. If we had a concrete reason that Greg couldn’t hang out with his son more, perhaps I’d understand why he’d be so drastic as to feign an injury. But we don’t, so I don’t.

It gets even worse when he plays up the guilt card, abusing the Warp Whistle in a way that would even be obnoxious if his leg was broken. The Geode is a fascinating set piece, but we barely get to see it between the Greg breaks. Even Steven’s heartfelt speech about his place among the Crystal Gems when his powers don’t work gets interrupted.

Lying to Steven in a way that undermines his confidence is bad enough, even when the intention is bonding time. But actively taking advantage of the situation is heinous. And it all leads to him dancing around the kitchen, going out of his way to use his leg and humming Dear Old Dad.

We’re led to believe that this lapse is due to Greg’s stupidity, as he forgets that he’s faking until Steven reminds him. And we’re led to believe that the lie came from a place of love, as he just wanted to hang out with Steven again. But it’s hard to believe either excuse when he’s been hyper-manipulative for the entirety of the second act. The more I watch this episode, the more I hate it.

The final act swings right back into Steven Universe’s standard tone, with Steven seeing his and Greg’s instruments and deciding to forgive his dad, and Greg trying to make up for his mistake. We have another lesson twist when Steven’s powers still don’t work, necessitating a fun duct tape joke. All ends well, and we never speak of Greg’s behavior here again. It’s sloppy, but it works for me, because anything that gets us out of this troubling leniency with his basic thought process is better than the alternative.

The first half of Season 1 focuses on Steven’s flaws. The second half shifts to the flaws of others, and in that sense, House Guest sets the tone for what’s to come: we start with stories about issues directly affecting Steven, then we meet Rose on tape and shift to stories about how the adults in Steven’s life are falling apart without her. Some of the best episodes in the series come from this shift, but they succeed because the flaws we explore actually align with the characters. Overcoming personal hardships only matters if the hardships feel real, and by that metric House Guest is a catastrophe. The good news is that Greg never feels as artificial as he does in this episode again, but still, yeesh.

Future Vision!

A brutal one in Mr. Universe, where Dear Old Dad is played again in what becomes a second scenario where Steven is soon disappointed in his father. But that episode is about a very real moment of realizing that a parent’s childhood trauma led him to overreact in a way that accidentally led to his son’s childhood trauma despite the best intentions, and adds nuance to Greg that’s fully in character rather than just making him temporarily villainous.



If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have inconsistencies…

Does an entire episode count?

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

House Guest prioritizes getting Steven’s powers out of the way over literally everything else, including basic storytelling and the characters it’s built up over twenty-six episodes. Cat Fingers may be boring, but at least it doesn’t temporarily demolish one of television’s best father figures for no good reason.

And that’s how this rating system got its fifth category. Like the Top Five, it will be ranked, but in reverse order, and without an arbitrary cap on how many can fit in. There are very few episodes I actively dislike, but hey, at least House Guest gets to be #1 somewhere!

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1. House Guest