Confessions of a Professional Crime Scene Photographer By Brennan Bush July 2010.

FADE IN. EXT. HOUSE-AFTERNOON The front door is blocked by police tape. The camera goes under the tape and into the house. A photographer is taking photos. The camera turns to see a dead body on a couch. There’s an outline of a body on the ground. POLICE OFFICER Why’s the body on the couch? The photographer continues to take photos. PHOTOGRAPHER Better lighting. POLICE OFFICER But the body was there when we found it. The police officer points to the outline of the body. PHOTOGRAPHER And? POLICE OFFICER And that’s where the body needs to be. PHOTOGRAPHER Can’t. POLICE OFFICER Can’t what? PHOTOGRAPHER Move the body, not good contrast. POLICE OFFICER It’s not about contrast, it’s about where the body was found. PHOTOGRAPHER Did you go to art school? POLICE OFFICER No? PHOTOGRAPHER Well I didn’t go to cop school so you let me do my job and I’ll let you do yours, okay? (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 2. POLICE OFFICER NO, not okay. This could get me fired. The photographer stops taking photos and walks over to the police officer. PHOTOGRAPHER Look, this guy died. Would you want the last photographs of you to be taken on that carpet? POLICE OFFICER I guess not but this is for a police investigation, we need the body to be in the same position that we found it in. PHOTOGRAPHER Okay but this is going to look like some amateur took these photos. The photographer and police officer move the body back to the position on the floor. POLICE OFFICER Wait, these weren’t the clothes he was wearing when we found him, are they? PHOTOGRAPHER Nope, those were all dirty and covered in blood so I threw em out and put these on him. POLICE OFFICER We need those clothes. PHOTOGRAPHER Well the garbage man kinda came and took the trash a little while ago. POLICE OFFICER He what? PHOTOGRAPHER Be a doll and go grab that spotlight for me so I can get better lighting, he looks really pale. (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 3. POLICE OFFICER Of course he’s pale, he’s dead. PHOTOGRAPHER I’m sorry, but I don’t remember asking for your lip. POLICE OFFICER We don’t need these photos to look professional, they just need to act as a reference. PHOTOGRAPHER Well you shouldn’t have hired a professional then. POLICE OFFICER I think we’ve got enough pictures. Just bring in the pictures after you develop them, all right? PHOTOGRAPHER Okay, I just need you to fill this out. The photographer pulls out a sheet of paper and hands it to the police officer along with a pen. POLICE OFFICER What’ this? PHOTOGRAPHER The order form. POLICE OFFICER We don’t need an order form. PHOTOGRAPHER Sure you do. See you just need to fill out what you need. We got a bundle here that comes with two 5x8’s, 5 wallet sizes, and a keychain. POLICE OFFICER We don’t need wallet sizes or keychains, we just need a photo of the dead body. PHOTOGRAPHER Okay, if you’re going to be like that, we have the cheapest one. It only comes with an 5x8 and a keychain. (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 4. POLICE OFFICER We don’t need a keychain. PHOTOGRAPHER Well I’m still going to charge you the same. POLICE OFFICER Fine, I’ll take the keychain. PHOTOGRAPHER Good, I just need you to check that box and sign it. The police officer scribbles on the paper and hands it back to the photographer. PHOTOGRAPHER Okay, thanks. You’re photo will be ready in about two days. The photographer grabs his bag and walks out the door. POLICE OFFICER I’m so getting fired over this. FADE OUT.