Hey you! Yes, you reading this! Are you tired of that winter weight gain? Do you need to lose a few pounds before beach weather rolls around? Are you concerned with how you will look in your swimsuit? If you answered yes to any of these questions, or even if you are looking to lose just a few pounds, then the Doctor Who Rapid Weight Loss Program may be exactly what you are looking for!

Forget everything that has been said about eating healthy and exercise. Why would you want to eat food that tastes like warmed up cardboard just to lose a pound or two a week? Exercise? Why deal with the pain and agony of trying to get into a workout routine, or going to a gym and being made fun of by those who are already in a non-spherical shape? Why listen to prominent “doctors” like Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, or even your very own primary care physician? Do they really have your best interests at heart?

Well, if there is one being who truly does care about you; yes, you specifically, it is the universe’s favorite Time Lord. That is why, in a close partnership with leading nutritionists across time and space, the Doctor has looked for a way to help everyone with their weight loss problems. He has heard your lamentations and set forth, trying to find an answer. Now, we have the results of that tremendous effort and literally millenia of research and testing. We are proud to offer, for an extremely reasonable cost, the Doctor Who Rapid Weight Loss Program!

Seriously. How can you not trust this face?credit: thinkgeek.com

For only $39.95, taken automatically each month from your credit card until the end of time, you too can enjoy the miracle that is the Doctor Who Rapid Weight Loss Program! We would tell you what the weight loss capsule contains, but instead, just look at our mascot, the Adipose. Look into their trusting eyes and at their happy little faces! Picture all of that fat melting away and turning into these happy little creatures! Do you know why they are so happy? Because, with the Doctor Who Rapid Weight Loss Program, you look good, and that makes for a happy Adipose.

But don’t just take our word for it! We know that you want to hear how this worked for other people out there. Well, let us hear from a satisfied client! *disclaimer – actual client, not a paid actress*

“With the Doctor Who Rapid Weight Loss Program, I have never been thinner! I feel as beautiful now as I was back when I was younger and still had a body! Now moisturize me!!” – Lady Cassandra O’Brien

What do you have to lose, except for all that ugly fat? With the Doctor Who Rapid Weight Loss Program, you can have the body that you want without needing to change your diet or even by getting off the couch. Just one pill a day, and the fat will just melt away!

Have your credit card ready and call 1-900-4Doctor! Operators are standing by! Make your dream body a reality and call now!