Okay. Let’s get this right out in the open before we go any further. Wrestling lists of nearly every kind is purely subjective. I get that. Go into any wrestling chat room, from Reddit to Facebook groups like Kult of Kayfabe, and you’ll find yourself in a shitstorm of opinions that will make most casual wrestling fans question if they understand the sport at all. But there are certain things that most wrestling fans can agree on, simply because they are absolute facts: Ric Flair‘s real name is Richard Fliehr, “The American Dream” Dusty Rhodes is an Icon, Mick Foley is God, and Bret “Hitman” Hart is one salty little number. But everything else is subjective, and for the most part, internet die hards just thrive on debates about their favourite wrestlers, matches and moments like any sports fanatics.

Smarking the Grades: A Look at SI’s Top 101 Wrestlers

A couple days ago, Sports Illustrated, perhaps one of the world wide leaders in sports journalism, released an article entitled “The Definitive Ranking of the Top 101 Wresters of All Time”, written by Luke Winkie (who also writes for Buzzfeed and Gawker Media). To be fair, SI has been giving professional wrestling a real serious shot of promotion the past year, alongside such mainstream icons as ESPN and Rolling Stone. But Winkie’s list didn’t come off like a true wrestling enthusiast eager to share his knowledge and love for the industry, but as someone trying to be cool by using their newfound Wikipedia Columbo skills with a passing fancy of wrestling, and a limited knowledge of its history.

Let’s look at some of the glaring mistakes and odd rationales used by a magazine regarded as a premier source of sporting journalism.

Honouring the Pioneers

First off, let’s give credit where credit is due. They do include some off the cuff additions, like “Wild” Bill Longson (an early star who invented the Piledriver), plus such pioneers as Frank Gotch.

Yet even in honouring one of the generally considered two founders of professional wrestling (alongside his rival, George Hackenschmidt), they find ways to ignore his historical impact and do it more to look cool in inducting an old guy. Winkie implies it is simply because they “have to include one guy from the carnival era”). Gotch was hardly a carny worker, he headlined huge arenas. In 1911, he faced ‘The Russian Lion’ in front of 35,000 at the original Comiskey Park. To be dismissed as just some old dude who ran around with travelling circuses would be including Babe Ruth in a list of best ball players because “you have to include one of the old drunk fat guys”.

Big Daddy Kool

The fact he included Kevin Nash on his list is not surprising. Many purists would probably include Big Daddy Kool on their lists. Not the best technical wrestler, true, but Nash’s influence in the 1990’s, from his time in the Kliq and the creation of the nWo, altered the business, good or bad. He was one of the game’s best talkers in a time where talkers were hard to come by. Yet the author comes off like this was his big guilty pleasure pick (“I know, it’s Kevin Nash. But I love the weird little niche he’s carved out in wrestling.”), like they never really watched him at all, or that he’s never talked to another wrestling fan or watched any other wrestlers talk about him (“…whatever, I just like Kevin Nash. Okay? I genuinely think he’s underrated.”). And hey, I’m a big fan of Kane. Glenn Jacobs has masterfully created a character that will live forever, and he had a helluva a run, titlewise and longevity wise. But to rank Kane (#81) higher than Nash (#91)? I’m not saying neither don’t deserve to be on this list, or that Nash deserves to be even Top 50, but I don’t know many people who would rank Kane higher than Big Sexy.

The Steiner Brothers

Rick Steiner is listed simply because the author felt that if he ranked his brother Scott, he had to rank him. Which would have been a good comedy bit (Rick ranked #76 to Scott’s #75) if he hadn’t ended his induction rationale with: “Rick’s legacy got lost in the shuffle once the mid-’90s came around, but the Frankensteiner lives forever.” Ummm. The Frankensteiner was Scott’s move…

El Hijo del Santo gets a nice nod, but then it takes a weird turn at the end. “Next to Randy Orton, nobody has filled his father’s shoes better.” Really? Randy Orton is the best North American example of a wrestling son surpassing his wrestling father’s legacy? Hmmm. How about Bret Hart over Stu Hart? ‘Mr. Perfect’ Curt Hennig over Larry ‘The Ax’ Hennig? Or I don’t know. THE ROCK OVER ROCKY JOHNSON?

Goldberg

Goldberg ranked at #60. Okay, I’m pretty liberal in my own rankings. I can appreciate that in many times, draw outranks technique (looking at you, Terry). But to place Goldberg ahead of Chris Benoit, Ultimo Dragon, Scott Hall, Ultimate Warrior (if we’re going to talk draw and technique), William Regal, Blue Demon, Shinsuke Nakamura and Frank “Carny” Gotch, you’re clearly just excited that your Goldberg 2K17 pre-order is final coming in the mail soon.

The Legendary Lou Thesz

Here is what Winkie said about Lou Thesz.

Lou Thesz was one of those guys who came up during pro wrestling’s carnival/vaudeville era. He’s sort of hard to gauge because his greatest matches happened in the ‘30s, ‘40s and ‘50s. But he certainly has cast a long shadow. Whenever you see “Stone Cold” Steve Austin jump onto his opponent and push him into the mat, you’re watching a Lou Thesz Press. That counts for something

Seriously. WTF.

Mistaken Japanese Identities

Upon reading that Japanese icon Kenta Kobashi is ranked at #34, at first you may think nothing of it. Kobashi is one of Japanese wrestling’s greatest and most innovative superstars and though the exact number may differ, he’s probably in that vicinity. And then you read the rationale:

Kenta is currently Hideo Itami, and clocking time in WWE’s NXT, but as KENTA he’s had some of the best matches with your favorite wrestlers. Seriously, go check out his stiff kicks on Daniel Bryan. You won’t be disappointed.

Uh. Kenta Kobashi is a 49 year old retired wrestling icon from All Japan and NOAH. The Superstar in NXT was formally known as KENTA. The reason he shortened his ring name (his real name is Kenta Kobayashi) was because PEOPLE KEPT CONFUSING HIM WITH KENTA KOBASHI.

If they meant Kobashi, then all is forgiven (but we’ll still mock you). If they meant Hideo Itami, then they must be ordering in the medicinal. The younger KENTA is a phenomenal young talent, but he’s hardly had a #34 of the Top 101 Wrestlers of All Time career (yet).

Da Brune

Bruno Sammartino at #30.

Let that sink in. Bruno Sammartino is at #30 of the Top 101 Wrestlers of All Time. While his exact placement is never completely agreed upon, he’s generally considered by most people as easily Top 10 if not Top 5, purely based on his 4,040 days reign as WWWF World Heavyweight Champion. Of the way he brought minorities together in a predominantly white audience (Italians were still treated as minorities in the 1950’s). But let’s see why SI decided to rank Sammartino so low in comparison: “Nobody is exactly exploring his back catalog. Wrestling hipsters aren’t tipping you to great Sammartino matches the way they’ll tout Tully Blanchard or Barry Windham. So we’re slotting him here.” Nobody is exactly downloading old basketball games of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, or baseball games of Ty Cobb, or Stanley Cup series of Wayne Gretzky, but you respect the greatness they brought to the game. Trusting hipsters of any kind for historical perspective on anything is like trusting fashion tips with, well, hipsters of any kind. For the record, Bob Backlund surpassed Sammartino at #25 because “(h)e’s a crazy person, but he also happens to have the second longest WWF title reign ever.” Apparently being second is better than being number one. Or perhaps those wrestling hipsters just rank him higher for his work in making Darren Young great again (although Winkie does write for VICE, so he probably has closer access to these hipsters than the majority of us).

“Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers

Outside of the really old stuff, like George Hackenschmidt, Buddy Rogers was kind of the first guy. He broke into the industry in the ‘60s, bringing a then-unique set of offensive moves, like body slams and piledrivers.

Ok. Let’s look at all the things wrong with this statement during Buddy Roger’s induction at #23 on the list. Buddy Rogers actually broke into the industry in 1939, becoming a star throughout the NWA territories in the 1950’s. He already been wrestling for over 20 years by the time he became the inaugural WWWF (now WWE) World Champion in 1963. And though Rogers was a big player, plenty of “guys” came before Rogers hit his stride – Thesz, Whipper Billy Watson, Ed “Strangler” Lewis, Jim Londos, Joe Stecher, all were household names at the time and revered names that still carry weight with wrestling fans, even those who never saw or read about them. And as far as superstars go, former pro football pre-Super Bowl era champion Bronko Nagurski was like if Goldberg had the charisma of the Rock. Except, that if Goldberg had actually been a great football player (Nagurski was 3x NFL Champion with the Chicago Bears, 4x All Pro). He actually won two football Championships in 1932 and 1933 before taking of to win the World Heavyweight championship in 1937, and then went back to the NFL to win another title in 1943. Bronko Knows Wrestling.

The Top 20

The Top 20 finally settles down somewhat into what many would have listed (Ric Flair #1, Shawn Michaels #2, #3 Austin, #4 The Rock and #5 The Undertaker finish off the list), but it’s the Top 20 that most people agree on in some random fashion (although Randy Orton at #17? Those wrestling hipsters must be including how many “Likes” his RKO Out of Nowhere clips get in a viral world of relevance).

At the end of the day, it’s a subjective list of a subjective sport. The tone is obviously written with a little tongue in cheek with a lot of personal bias, but if you’re going to try and sound pretentious and hip about a topic, at least do a little more homework.

But who knows? Maybe he schooled everyone and the whole list was simply to troll the fans. If that’s the case, then bravo, Luke Winkie. John E. f****** Bravo.

After all, why else would The Miz be on this list (and Dynamite Kid left off)?

(Main Photo: WWE.com)