Our country is grieving the loss of the six students killed in the Isla Vista shooting and our politicians are pointing their fingers at tougher gun laws and more funding for mental health services, but I think something bigger is being missed -- the emotional well-being of our boys.

There is no coincidence that school shooters in the last 20 years have been boys. In fact, in my search for female shooters, not one came up. This is too important to be overlooked by our society right now. Our boys need us to wake up to their emotional needs. They have the same emotions as girls but with no safe avenues to express themselves. The "culture of cruelty" as so eloquently and disturbingly outlined in the book Raising Cain, Protecting The Emotional Life of Boys, by Michael Thompson and Dan Kindlon describes it in depth. The authors say it is "cool to be cruel" in a boy's world and the meaner you are, the more respect you get from your peers.

From my experience, this dysfunctional world that a boy is forced into starts in 3rd grade and reaches its pinnacle in high school. My son is 13-years-old and in the thick of it right now. The boys can be mean, angry, impulsive, abusive and cruel to one another as a game to see who can lead the pack. This "Lord of the Flies" mentality is alive and well in every private and public school across America. Ask your son and he will tell you, unless of course he has already stopped talking to you because he doesn't trust you to protect him anymore. He knows you will not or cannot protect him from the taunting, teasing, pushing, harassment and fear. He knows the teachers and school administrators are powerless and ineffective. He knows his father, older brother or uncle will only shrug and say, "a lot worse happen to me, kid."

This culture of cruelty is seen as a rite of passage to toughen boys up and we, as a society, accept it. But it only leaves them demoralized, hurt, ashamed and rejected. Our boys need to feel safe. Safe with their parents, safe at school, safe with their friends. They need the skills and encouragement to express themselves and not be looked upon as sissies or wimps for doing so.