Oh Barenaked Ladies… what are you? A novelty act? Harmony-driven pop group? Jazz-rock band? A deep dive into the 110 studio songs released when both Steve Page and Ed Robinson were still calling BNL home didn’t lead us to the answer, but it did help us realize not to ask the question. It doesn’t matter. These wildly talented, anxiety-ridden, lyrically-gifted goofballs don’t need to live in a genre to make great music. And so our countdown begins.

110. Spider in My Room (Born on a Pirate Ship)

My fear of spiders (and bears) is well established, so there was really no chance for this one to get any love from me. The fact that much of Pirate Ship doesn’t hold up (BNL avoided the sophomore slump but got hit hard on their third release) doesn’t help this creepy-crappy song. – RH

In general, I am torn between wanting bands to be consistent with their songwriting and NOT release songs like this that disrupt an album so severely … and wanting to respect them as artists and withhold my opinion about such things. I guess you can tell by the ranking of this song where I ended up. – DH

109. Quality (Barenaked Ladies Are Men)

Poorly titled. One of a collection of songs in this weird set that just didn’t sound like much at all.

108. In the Drink (Born on a Pirate Ship)

This little love-ditty about drinking the blood of your beloved is needless, self-indulgent, and cloying. And I read the Twilight series. – RH

Of the two Jim Creegan-penned songs on BOaPS, neither rises above the level of “distraction” when taken with the rest of the album. – DH

107. Stomach Versus Heart (Born on a Pirate Ship)

Normally, BNL can pull off Olympic-level word play. Not so much this time. The imagery gets in its own way and comes across as a wanna-be showstopper from a musical theater grad student destined to write jingles while working part-time at Starbucks. This album opener is, unfortunately, a sign of what’s to come on this mess of an album.

106. A (Maybe You Should Drive)

Another track that would be right at home off-off-Broadway. The concept gets old quickly, and instead of ending, the song takes a little cruise vacation during the bridge. Absolutely adamant about avoiding A.

105. I Live With It Everyday (Born on a Pirate Ship)

If this is a true story, then I apologize for turning someone’s gut-wrenching tale of shooting a friend into a few snarky lines on a pointless, amateur music-ranking blog. If I ever have a song written about the worst thing to ever happen to me, please lay off the cheesy-drum-track-BS. I’ve already been through enough. – RH

Maybe this was an early effort by the band to sing directly about things that were really meaningful and dark. They succeed later in their career. Not so much here. This song is dissonant and awful without being the least bit sympathetic. Or maybe I just confused my stomach with my heart. Who knows, at this point? – DH

104. I Know Why I Like You (Born on a Pirate Ship)

There is a fine line between clever and careless. Wrong side, BNL. Lazy writing and a horrible thing to listen to.

103. Serendipity (Barenaked Ladies are Men)

Genericity. #coinedaphrase

102. Everything Old is New Again (Maybe You Should Drive)

Too cynical for its own good. It’s probably not supposed to be enjoyable, but we prefer to feel something other than annoyed when listening to music. And it’s not as though we’re saying every song has to be perfectly inspiring or anything. It’s just that this bunch of shockingly common-sounding nonsense backed by circus organ makes us want to drive right off a bridge.

101. Peterborough and the Kawarthas (Barenaked Ladies are Me)

We think this song is about a father saying goodbye to his son as he leaves to travel (presumably to tour with a band), so we feel a little bad about ranking it 101 out of 110. But there is so much better sweet-BNL music ahead. Maybe you have to be Canadian to get this song, and as much as we love our neighbors to the north, it’s we don’t really care what it’s ab-oot. We just don’t have much use for it.

100. Something You’ll Never Find (Barenaked Ladies are Men)

Overproduced and muddy, this could be right at home in REM’s late career (not exactly a compliment, but being compared to REM isn’t that bad.) There was a time when BNL would have known how and where to end this song.

99. Angry People (Barenaked Ladies are Men)

Can’t help but hear Rod Stewart’s “Motown Song” during the opening of this tune, and it sounds preachy and boring.

98. Little Tiny Song (Maybe You Should Drive)

They took a few seconds to remind us that they like to release novelty songs. Okay, we get it. Remember, we LIKE your novelty songs. We all bought Gordon.

97. Another Spin (Barenaked Ladies Are Men)

Shocker – another weird-sounding song by someone other than Robertson or Page. Kevin Hearn wrote this one, and although the relatively dull outcome that is BLAM isn’t nearly as disrupted by this mediocrity as better albums were earlier in their career, it’s still jarring and just not good.

96. Half a Heart (Barenaked Ladies Are Men)

Brought to you by Songbot 2000. Sounds like something Mile Cyrus would record.

95. Down to Earth (Barenaked Ladies Are Men)

The entire BLAM effort seems marred by the mistaken assumption that what people liked about Barenaked Ladies was tight guitars, overproduction, and funny background keyboard effects.

94. Rule the World (Barenaked Ladies are Me)

Skip this one and go straight to Tears for Fears. (We won’t tell. That’s what you are singing in your head anyway.)

93. What a Letdown (Barenaked Ladies are Men)

Pretty much sums up our feelings about the final studio album Page and Robinson created together. After sorting through 29 tracks during the Barenaked Ladies are Me sessions, they released what was left on the floor as Barenaked Ladies are Men six months later. It’s too bad, because if they had stopped with Me, they would have ended on a much stronger note. Not much from Men really lands.

92. One and Only (Barenaked Ladies are Men)

At this point, they seem to have run out of ideas. Not a terrible song, just not interesting.

91. Vanishing (Barenaked Ladies are Me)

Oh Creegan. In another band, you might have had a chance to write/sing. Maybe you have a frontman hiding inside? That’s what side-projects are meant to explore.

90. Beautiful (Barenaked Ladies are Men)

Makes us think of better versions of this kind of BNL song on Maroon.

89. This is Where It Ends (Born on a Pirate Ship)

One of the more melodic tunes on a collection that’s truly all over the place. Lovely at times, but doesn’t rise to the level of “When I Fall” or “Straw Hat.”

88. I Can, I Will, I Do (Barenaked Ladies are Men)

“Friend, this shouldn’t be the way things end…”

It sounds like they know Page was about to depart, which is another problem with Men. They see the writing on the wall, even though they don’t want to acknowledge it. – RH

They could. They intended to. They did. They shouldn’t have. – DH

87. Wind It Up (Barenaked Ladies are Me)

One of the better rockers on BLAM, it’s like a discard from Stunt.

86. Why Say Anything Nice (Barenaked Ladies are Men)

Not Katy Perry-level cliched lyrics, but not far off.

85. Same Thing (Born on a Pirate Ship)

OK, there may have been a time when I related more to these adolescent musings so present on their first few discs. That time is over, but I guess it doesn’t necessarily mean the music is no good. I just have no use for it anymore.

84. Just a Toy (Born on a Pirate Ship)

As an only child, I’ll leave the commentary to Dusty on this one. – RH

This moody, experimental-sounding track seems at first like it’s about a stepfather who intrudes on a close mother-son relationship. Mom gets distracted and the son is discarded. “I know you must have loved me sometime, but now I’m just a toy.” But then you start to wonder if it might be about a child who gets an unexpected younger sibling who is instantly resented. It gets super dark and just sort of immature by the end. – DH

83. Maybe Not (Barenaked Ladies are Men)

A sad reflection on the end of a relationship, one of the better tracks from this last round. Still a less interesting take than almost anything else they’ve written on the topic.

82. Am I the Only One? (Maybe You Should Drive)

During our re-listen, we noticed that Ed Robinson’s slower songs are more earnest than Steve Page’s. His protagonists come across a little more sympathetically. This pretty song is a good example of this in a really deep track.

81. Running Out of Ink (Barenaked Ladies are Men)

Here’s the wordplay we were missing on most of Men. This honest song about feeling washed-up is a real bright spot on what we consider their final album.

80. Adrift (Barenaked Ladies are Me)

A beautiful opener that made me optimistic for BLAM when it first came out. Still one of the better tracks on the collection.

79. Second Best (Everything to Everyone)

One of the surprises for me during this BNL deep-dive was how great Everything to Everyone was. Even what I would consider its weakest link only appears at #79. This is an album that belongs in regular rotation in the Hewit house. – RH

Some of EtE ends up sounding like outtakes from Stunt (good, but not good enough to go on that masterpiece), and this song is no different. It’s not one of the best on the album, but it rocks pretty hard, and it’s certainly interesting. – DH

78. Aluminum (Everything to Everyone)

Singable little ditty. Who doesn’t like the Queen’s pronunciation of “aluminum”? (Even though the letters in the word don’t support it.)

77. Call Me Calmly (Born on a Pirate Ship)

A better example of their early weirdness that works.

76. Maybe You’re Right (Barenaked Ladies are Me)

An honest-to-goodness beautiful song on BLAM, further underscoring the point that most of Men didn’t need to see the light of day. And with the perfect amount of BNL humor injected … “Maybe you’re right, but I don’t think so.”

75. Take It Back (Barenaked Ladies are Me)

This nice lilting song has more notable music than lyrics – which is unusual for this literary group.

74. The New Sad (Barenaked Ladies are Men)

Years ago, we started using the phrase The New Happy to help us adjust as a couple to parenthood. I hope we never need The New Sad. What a devastating tune about a dysfunctional family and depression. Surprise.

73. Next Time (Everything to Everyone)

A lovely tune with interesting arrangement. But the trouble is that there is a fine line between self-depreciating and pathetic. This one comes a little too close to the latter.

72. Hidden Sun (Maroon)

This hidden track works well as you come down from the masterpiece that is Maroon. Absolutely beautiful Hearn track that is so strikingly different than other comparable contributions across their catalog.

71. Some Fantastic (Stunt)

Even more surprising than the overall quality of Everything to Everyone was the overall beauty of Stunt. This weird song about a man coming to grips with being called a real loser ranks as one of the band’s top 5 favorites, but not one of ours.

70. When You Dream (Stunt)

Fact: When band members have babies, bands record lullabies. This song is filled with dreamy images of baby minds filled with fresh memories of past lives destined to be forgotten as new memories crowd them out.

“When sleep sets in history begins/But the future will win.” Very cool. But these lullabies usually don’t stand out as anything other than sweet, and with the depth to which their best stuff goes, this gets a bit lost.

69. Sound of Your Voice (Barenaked Ladies are Me)

This doo-wop-ish song about second chances ends on a decidedly un-doo-wop-ishly lyric.

“Take it from me: there’s not much to see/In this void.”

68. Intermittently (Maybe You Should Drive)

The music follows the “all over the place” nature of the relationship in the lyrics. The interlude would have killed on Wake Up Wakefield.

67. Take It Outside (Everything to Everyone)

Either this relationship is not worth fighting for OR he doesn’t know how to fight. Either way, “any other guy” seems to get what this guy can’t quite grasp. BNL writes these protagonists so well. We don’t root for them, but we don’t hate them. Do we feel pity? Empathy? Frustration? All of it?

66. Leave (Stunt)

A twangy little country ditty on what ended up being our favorite album – a surprise. However, it ends up being one of the least impactful songs on the collection, despite the interesting lyric, “I’ve informed you to leave.”

65. Shopping (Everything to Everyone)

The music of this tune makes you a little crazy, but that’s the point, so you deal with it. The song is a direct response to the imbecilic and cruel direction from President George W. Bush that Americans should go shopping to keep hope alive during the second Bush Gulf War. Asshole.

64. Fun and Games (Barenaked Ladies are Men)

An on-the-nose political song worth putting on repeat. Preferably blaring from a van parked outside the Capitol.

“While you all slumbered/We sat and crunched numbers/Of all the casualties we could afford

There’s no need to draft them/You could here us laugh then/The poor and black all need room and board

Did I say that out loud?”

63. Home (Barenaked Ladies are Me)

Another beautiful and sad tune, from this ultimate collection (penultimate?). “You may have won my hand, dear, but it was the consolation prize.” Seems to be about another ending, and a reminder that this loneliness is where the protagonist belongs – or perhaps that it’s all he really ever deserved.

62. Be My Yoko Ono (Gordon)

“Oh no, here we go…” Solidly in the novelty category, this song stays on pretty heavy rotation in my head. Triggered by even the tiniest phrase, I can launch into the whole damn thing at any moment. – RH

61. King of Bedside Manner (Gordon)

STYX! The most fun song to sing loud. But the middling ranking of this BNL classic seems telling in terms of where we ultimately landed on novelty vs. serious songs.

60. You Will Be Waiting (Maybe You Should Drive)

If you throw some claps and yeahs into the mix, this song is ready for 2015 pop radio. BNL is so good at these quiet, lilting, bordering on country ballads. We wouldn’t say this is a “nice” song, because, as they often do, the guys are singing to/about a woman who should really move on from this not-too-good-for-her relationship.

59. The Flag (Gordon)

It is hard not to conjure images of abuse as this sad song explains that surrender for one doesn’t equal victory for the other.

“The next night he’s over and over and under/and after he’s finished she lies there and wonders/just why does she need him and why does she stay here

And then in the darkness she’ll quietly say Dear/you’ve never really known that when the white flag is flown, no one no one no one has won the war.”

If you aren’t weeping from the lyrics, the strings will put you over the edge.

58. Celebrity (Everything to Everyone)

Neither of us are big fans of woe-is-me songs about fame, but this one has catchiness on its side. Not the greatest album opener, but it makes more sense once you listen to it in the context of the rest of the songs.

57. Great Provider (Maybe You Should Drive)

This cool, jazzy number about a father-son relationship leaves us wanting more of the story. By the end, you can’t help but wonder what on earth happened.

56. Who Needs Sleep (Stunt)

A funny song about insomnia, and a bit more singable than “Leave,” so although it also isn’t the best on the album, it ranks higher.

55. Crazy (Gordon)

Patsy Cline’s came first, Gnarls Barkley’s was inescapable in 2006, Aerosmith’s rocks harder, and Britney’s gave the Internet one billion screen grabs of her in a metallic green crop top. But BNL’s has bagpipes and a “Hello City” riff at the end! So much to love about this song.

54. Bull in a China Shop (Barenaked Ladies are Me)

OK, what in living hell is this song about? We don’t know, but what we LOVE about this song is the refrain: “I can’t hear a thing, cause I’VE STOPPED LISTENING!”

53. Blame It on Me (Gordon)

Harmonies are central to the Gordon sound, and they are on full display here. When asked about his favorite music in 2008, Sir Paul answered “The Barenaked Ladies have to be my favorite. Their harmonies are right on. They could outsing us any day of the week. I don’t think John and myself ever had the sort of range they do.” This track is the somewhat rare combination of tongue in cheek (“Milli Vanilli told you to blame it on the rain but if you blame it on the rain tell me what can be gained.”) and the serious/sad (“If all else fails, you can blame it on me.”)

52. Life in a Nutshell (Maybe You Should Drive)

The rare straightforward love song in their catalogue makes a great sing-along-while-you-are-driving track. This is one of the rare moments we prefer the studio version to the live recording found on the otherwise impeccable Rock Spectacle.

51. Straw Hat and Old Dirty Hank (Born on a Pirate Ship)

We used to wonder what this song was about. (Murder? Farming?) A quick google search revealed the obvious: the protagonist is a celebrity stalker. Not exactly a problem in my life, but it’s a great song nonetheless. No matter where I am when I hear it, I always belt out “I know it was meant to Be. This. Waaaay!” – RH

50. The Wrong Man Was Convicted (Maybe You Should Drive)

The singer apparently lost their lover (or let them get away) in this interesting song that teeters on silly but never falls. As it turns out, this song isn’t about the criminal justice system, but instead another track about their recurring protagonist who just doesn’t give enough of a shit to make anything happen.

49. The Humor of the Situation (Maroon)

There is a lot of irony in BNL songs, but this one gets it on the nose. Shit is falling apart, and can’t we all just laugh because if we don’t, all is lost. A TIGHT tune on a GREAT album.

48. Conventioneers (Maroon)

This has to be the only pop song ever written about hooking up with a colleague during a business trip. It is deliciously awkward, just like we assume such a situation would be. It also functions as a cautionary tale, as he sings “It would be great if you transferred out of state.” Be careful out there, friends.

47. Easy (Barenaked Ladies are Me)

Is there a more adult contemporary track to be found? It should be noted in the Library of Congress so future generations know what humans of the early 2000s hummed while shopping at Wegmans. – RH

46. Told You So (Stunt)

Another break-up song. Collectively, did these guys break up with a lot of people over the years? Or were their few break-ups so epic they spawned dozens of songs? We don’t know, but this semi-noteworthy tune on a mostly pristine tracklist is characteristically stinging and enjoyable.

45. Sell Sell Sell (Maroon)

This is the song version of the movie, “Wag the Dog.” Unusual instrumentation but the lyrics are some of their most political and most compelling. “The casting agent called to say ‘Your smile could save our movie and the world.’ Buy, buy, buy. Sell, sell, sell. How well you learn to not discern …” About distractions, actors, politics, war, and other bullshit, this song does a great job of summing up the state of politics in America which, sadly, doesn’t seem to have changed much since this album’s 2000 release.

44. When I Fall (Born on a Pirate Ship)

One of the finest songs on BOaPS, the song ruminates on insomnia and suicide, of course. It’s perfectly lovely, sad, and a bit opaque. Just the way we like our BNL.

43., 42., 41. Never Do Anything (Maroon)/Unfinished (Everything to Everyone)/Never is Enough (Stunt)

Perhaps not the intention of the band, but we consider these songs a trilogy following the same protagonist through distinct phases of adulthood. We meet him in Never is Enough, which captures the mindset of a lazy 18-year-old talking about all the things he “could do” – if he wanted to – but he is smarter than everyone else in the world. So he ends up doing nothing. Never goes to school, travels, gets that entry-level job and eats lunch at the mall food court, or gets up and plants trees.

Later we catch up with him in Unfinished, an ode to the commitment-phobic. “I’d say an ounce of prevention/Is worth a pound of attention span.” Not willing to get married or become in any way encumbered by the responsibilities of adulthood, he is continuing to coast along.

By Never Do Anything, he is reflecting on the life he never really lived, and his head is now filled with delusions of grandeur. A peppy song about a tragically pathetic person.

“Don’t write me off as an also ran/Just mark me down as an angry man/Got a big chip, you want a fat lip? How ’bout a mouthful of Chiclets?

Life passed me by, but it’s not my fault/I’ll lick my wounds, could you pass the salt?

I can be that, but soon you’ll see that I will never do anything”

40. Bank Job (Barenaked Ladies are Me)

A great story song that twists the “bank robbers dressed as nuns” cliche into “bank robbers foiled by nuns.”

39. Shoebox (Born on a Pirate Ship)

Did you know that a cd was released of music from the show Friends? And that this song appears on it? Oh the ’90s.

38. In the Car (Stunt)

It’s not all that common for a pop song to feature the phrase “mutual masturbation,” but leave it to BNL to weave it in seamlessly. But then of course, this song is a wonderfully nostalgic trip back to the teen years of driving aimlessly and doing whatever happened next. “In the car, we were looking for ourselves, and found each other.”

37. I Love You (Gordon)

Hi BNL. This is your friend, Randi. Please get Steve back in the band for a tour of concert halls performing jazz covers of your greatest hits. Thanks to this song, I know it would be worth whatever you charge. Also, please schedule a date at the Corning Museum of Glass. We can have poutine at The Cellar afterward. I’ve tried your Canadian poutine, and I think you will be pleasantly surprised by their version. My treat. – RH

36. Box Set (Gordon)

Is this the character singing Celebrity and Testing 1-2-3 years later? Also, in a world of digital music, has the box set gone extinct? – RH

It has not, though there are now more sets than boxes. – DH

35. These Apples (Maybe You Should Drive)

The rare appearance of banjo on a BNL track makes this Phish-like, jam song stand out.

34. Go Home (Maroon)

BNL isn’t really into straightforward advice songs, so it is nice when they get down to it in this one.

“If you’re lucky to be one of the few/to find someone who can tolerate you

Then I shouldn’t have to tell you again/just pack your bags and get yourself on a plane

If you need her, you should be there/Go home”

Sometimes it is that simple.

33. Alternative Girlfriend (Maybe You Should Drive)

This song is to the 1990s what the Country Joe and the Fish cheer is to Woodstock. You cannot separate them from their moment in history. This is one of their earliest rock songs; a taste of “Stunt” to come. The line “old at being young/young at being old” could be the best way to describe BNL to the uninitiated.

32. Enid (Gordon)

This lovely ode to a high school romance builds momentum quickly. A lot like its subject matter.

31. Falling for the First Time (Maroon)

This manic song about irrational concerns reminds us of the insecurity at the heart of every great BNL song. These guys are so smart, but thankfully they don’t have their shit together. If they did, we wouldn’t have the next 30 songs.

30. Grade 9 (Gordon)

We know some ninth graders, so we can say with authority that they haven’t changed. They just might miss a different song at the big dance if they leave early enough to be home by 11:00.

29. Another Postcard (Everything to Everyone)

I weirdly love this excellent road trip song. Driving down the highway belting out the lyric “depraved chimps dressed in women’s underwear” is a pleasure in life not to be missed. During our deep-dive into the catalogue, though, even I was surprised by how tight this song is. – RH

28. Too Little Too Late (Maroon)

A classic album opener. Hewit Fun Fact: Back when Squid was a newborn, we left “Maroon” in the CD player in her nursery for weeks at a time. One of us would hit play every time we got her ready for the day, so it impossible to hear the first few bars of this song and not imagine a tiny baby on her changing table.

27. Testing 1-2-3 (Everything to Everyone)

“Can anybody hear me if I shed the irony?”

This singable, stressful song shows us that the guys were not at peace with the band they had become by their seventh album.

26. It’s All Been Done (Stunt)

This song wins for the poppiest of all song openings in the entire BNL catalog. It seems to us like an ode to a hopelessly, tragically overcool girlfriend who will never be impressed with anything. There’s an allusion to past lives in there somewhere, too. Who knows – it just sounds so rad. A great track on a great album.

25. Wrap Your Arms Around Me (Gordon)

Is it possible for this song to be sexy and unnerving? We have different reads of this one. Dusty sees the physical interaction in the chorus as abusive, but my read has always been more intimate and less violent. This could say more about our socialization than the song, and we enjoy continuing our life-long conversation on the topic. – RH

24. New Kid on the Block (Gordon)

Again, we find ourselves asking is this a novelty song? On the surface, it is indeed. But what a sympathetic song it is toward its subject. Rather than mocking boy-bandom, it shows compassion and respect for the human beings in front of the screaming fans. Worth noting: of the 110 songs listed here, this is the one we talked about the most throughout the process.

(Also, Joey 4-ever. – RH)

It’s one thing to write a sympathetic song about a boy band 20 years after they fizzle. It’s another to do it while they’re still on the charts. -DH

23. Light Up My Room (Stunt)

A gorgeously intimate, yearning tune with its requisite dark notes. The production on this one is stunning.

22. Baby Seat (Maroon)

“If you think growing up was tough, you’re just not grown up enough, baby”

As we check the box next to 16 years of marriage, we find ourselves relating this song about long-term relationships more than we did at its release in 2000. A great chorus and an even greater bridge help this stand-out amongst even the stellar tracks of “Maroon.”

“You can’t live your life, in the baby seat. You’ve got to stand on your own. Don’t admit defeat.”

21. Hello City (Gordon)

BNL’s original album-opener about life on the road sets the tone for many songs to come in their career about their uneasy relationship with their chosen profession. Equal parts fun and biting, it invites fans to come along with them on their journey from city-to-city, one song a time.

20. and 19. Everything Had Changed (Barenaked Ladies Are Me) and For You (Everything to Everyone)

This hopeless duo about being guarded in a relationship with no real chance of change hides well behind sweet pop melodies. The imagery in For You of locking everything up that matters and leaving what’s left for your loved one can motivate even the most anxious among us to open up.

18. Tonight Is the Night I Fell Asleep at the Wheel (Maroon)

In what might the best of what we consider BNL’s musical theater songs, this goofy-gorgeous track officially ends “Maroon” spectacularly.

17. One Week (Stunt)

Probably one of BNL’s best known songs and still in pretty regular radio play, One Week always gets turned up in Hewit land. The X-Files reference takes us back to driving along the Aloma curves in Winter Park during our Rollins days really hoping that “the smoking man will be in this one” on a Sunday evening. Has someone done this during a celebrity lip-synch battle? (We could hit up google, but there are still 16 songs to go.) If not, get on it, Jimmy Fallon.

16. Upside Down (Everything to Everyone)

“Don’t applaud until the end.”

15. If I Had $1,000,000 (Gordon)

We prefer the studio version, but who can resist this sing-along classic? Hopefully in 100 years kids will be singing about cruel green dresses and Garfunkels around campfires.

14. Have You Seen My Love (Everything to Everyone)

Imagine wondering what happened to the person you married. This sad song about divorce captures this idea frightening well. So well, in fact, that we hope to never really “get” this one, but you don’t have to “get” it to love it.

13. Pinch Me (Maroon)

This song will forever sound like a harbinger of Fall, and a deeply atmospheric tune that evokes some seriously strong sense memory. Verses seem to be recalling a nicer time, while the chorus is a startled, desperate hope that the current reality isn’t really real. Maybe it’s the juxtaposition that gets us with this one.

12. Alcohol (Stunt)

This song needed to be written. “Screw the raspberry iced tea.”

11. Maybe Katie (Everything to Everyone)

The language of “maybe” is brilliant in this playful ode to adulthood. It’s apparent that we have a soft spot for back-and-forth advice songs as we head into the Top 10. What’s so maybe about Katie, indeed?

10. Jane (Maybe You Should Drive)

I’ve spent more time pondering what kind of store Jane works in than deciding to get married, move across the country, or to have a baby. (I have settled on Sally Beauty Supply even though a small grocery store clearly makes more sense. Today’s Jane would definitely work at Hot Topic.) – RH

Side by side with Alternative Girlfriend, this song was part of the soundtrack to high school for any geeky 90s boy who rarely made it with the ladies and imagined that this was because he hadn’t found the right one yet. Of course, he was right. – DH

9. The Old Apartment (Born on a Pirate Ship)

“Why did I have to break in? I only came here to talk.”

Awfully dark for a “crank it up” radio hit, this entry in the “anxiety-ridden, obsessive guy” sub-section of the BNL catalogue is one of the very best. We always find the line about his new girlfriend unsettling. She might want to re-consider her life choices.

8. Off the Hook (Maroon)

Beginning with the drum machine at the start of this track, tension rules. Then the story of the doomed couple looking for a way out unfolds, and you’re glad the song gets louder because the noise obscures the sound of your sobbing.

7. War on Drugs (Everything to Everyone)

Suicide plays remarkably prominent role in the BNL catalogue. But, this one, oh my god, this one could be the most devastating song of them all. It’s almost too much to bear, and we aren’t sure how often we can handle listening to this song. With that said, it is one of the greatest songs ever recorded by the band. More a sigh of resignation than a call to action, it voices the immense frustration of loving someone who is beyond reach. “On behalf of humanity I will fight for your sanity” is the tone toward the beginning, yet by the end we are left with “another died and the world just shrugged it off.” It takes a moment to recover and to realize how grateful you are not to live in hell on earth.

6. I’ll Be That Girl (Stunt)

“When you’re done being beautiful and young… come to me.”

More suicide. More struggle. More beautiful music. This one is easier to listen to again and again than War on Drugs, which is why is lands one place closer to number one.

5. Helicopters (Maroon)

Suicide aside, Helicopters may be BNL’s most distressing song. It takes the acerbic political notions of “Sell, Sell, Sell” and strips away the novelty. The story about war, a bombed school, and the tragically cynical media is heartbreaking – mostly because you know how real it all is. Comparing war reporters to tourists in hotel bars.

“I’m haunted by a story and I’ll do my best to tell it. Can’t even give this stuff away, why would I sell it? Everybody’s laughing while at me they point the finger. The world that loves its irony must hate the protest singer.”

So BNL became ironic protest singers. Thank god.

4. What a Good Boy (Gordon)

Dusty and I were best friends for a few years before we started dating during our junior year of college, and right before we shifted from BFFs-to-more, he made me one of the greatest mix tapes of all time. (And this is considering the amazing mix tapes made by masters of the art form Jason Black and Andrea Chudnow during high school.) I can never hear this song without thinking of that tape, and how much I identified with the girl in this song. “Afraid of change/afraid of staying the same” perfectly describes 20-year-old me. With a few more years behind me, I realize that it describes everyone at some time along the way. – RH

3. Call and Answer (Stunt)

This account of a post-breakup coming to terms is startlingly realistic and impressive in its maturity. The singer acknowledges that the couple has made progress in the way they’re relating to one another, and reaches out to set some new ground rules.

“If you call, I will answer. If you fall, I’ll pick you up. And if you court this disaster, I’ll point you home.”

Hauntingly beautiful in its production, the song tells the story of people who might never be over each other, and need to agree about what they can – and cannot – be to each other, forever.

2. Brian Wilson (Gordon)

How do you rank the entire BNL catalog and NOT place Brian Wilson at the top? We’ll get to that.

We actually prefer the Rock Spectacle version of this song (can you imagine being in the room for that tour de force?), but it’s worth noting that the masterpiece first appeared in nearly all its glory on the band’s first studio album.

So it comes over as a tribute, a sad acknowledgement of the Beach Boy’s struggle with substance abuse and having his life controlled by psychiatrist and sometime-executive producer Dr. Eugene Landy. It also opens the door to a life’s work about mental illness, and draws many parallels between Page and Wilson.

Simplicity that’s far from simple, the song crescendos in such a way as to audibly illustrate the ups and downs of something like bipolar disorder, and of course the lyrics sadly tell the story: “When I’m surrounded, I just can’t stop.” A masterpiece.

1. Break Your Heart (Born on a Pirate Ship)

Barely eeking out Brian Wilson as our pick for the top spot, “Break Your Heart” has a lot going for it. Its deceiving title makes you think you’re in for another sad love song. Its three-four timing puts you in the mindset to hear something a bit old-fashioned at first.

But before long, you realize this is an early appearance by The Asshole, BNL’s character who appears throughout the catalog and reminds you, the listener, that somewhere in this band lies someone who is Incapable.

The narrator begins by explaining that he basically hung out with the girl because he is just so decent. (“It’s this stupid pride that makes me follow through even half-assly loving you.) The listener finds this a big disingenuous, if they’re paying attention. But then, the bridge. Surprisingly, the woman’s voice is heard. “You arrogant man. What do you think that I am? My heart will be fine. Just stop wasting my time.” And this is the part of the song that makes it … we don’t know. Unbelievably impressive. By the time she (it’s still sung by Page) gets to the word “time,” she’s shouting – screaming, even. And then the Asshole returns, and he’s clearly hurting. Seriously, he has the audacity to say, “And now I’m over you, I’ll be OK… I’ve got what I want, and that’s rid of you.” The worst part of it all – he really didn’t hear her. So we are pretty sure he will do this again to someone else instead of learning from her power-scream-of-honesty.

You don’t get a lot of screaming in your pop music, and while it’s probably too simple to say it’s the scream that put this song over the top for us, we are cerain that the scream made this song REAL, raw, honest in a way that their other songs, unbelievably enough, just aren’t. In that way, it’s in its own league entirely, and that’s why it’s #1.