the_ladwhocan: Anybody still up?

5Gpants: just me i think

the_ladwhocan: Shoot.

the_ladwhocan: Oh well.

the_ladwhocan: Hey, if you aren't going to sleep soon, you want to give me that Wonka rant you promised?

5Gpants: uh

5Gpants: yeah, sure

5Gpants: let me go pee first

the_ladwhocan: Take your time.

5Gpants: okay i will preface this by saying that i know this is a very first world problem

5Gpants: maybe even a zero world problem if that makes sense

5Gpants: i know that people have bigger problems than me, i know i'm lucky to live in a place where i have food and clean water and internet access and i'm not being forced to do a constant Jaleel White impression under penalty of death

5Gpants: the world's fucking nuts

5Gpants: that's part of it i guess

5Gpants: i'm not that smart and maybe it sounds callous coming so soon after the baby ways but i don't even know if things are getting better or worse

5Gpants: you have so many people suffering, and so many people improving, and all the metrics for deciding what counts as suffering and what counts as improving are so mixed up sometimes that I don't get it

5Gpants: you have looming threats on the horizon, so many ways we can fuck up everything, so many ways everything might suddenly get so much better

5Gpants: there are billions of people with millions of agendas who want me to be an optimist or a cynic and everything in between

5Gpants: there is more art and information and technology and literature and opinions than any other point in human history

5Gpants: is this bad? is this good?

5Gpants: i

5Gpants: don't

5Gpants: know

5Gpants: all i do know is that it's complicated

5Gpants: it is more complicated than I could understand in one thousand lifetimes, and i am forced to resign myself to the fact that i live on a blue marble that i will never understand and experience anything close to the totality of in my short meaningless life

5Gpants: and every day it gets more complicated!

5Gpants: more shit!

5Gpants: more stuff to read! more people to know! more ideas to understand!

5Gpants: but the worst part is me

5Gpants: this should be terrifying, and it is

5Gpants: but it should also be exciting

5Gpants: i SHOULD want to experience all this

5Gpants: i SHOULD want to help fix all these problems

5Gpants: i SHOULD want to understand as much as I can

5Gpants: and i do want all that

5Gpants: really

5Gpants: i do

5Gpants: just not enough to actually do it

5Gpants: i sit and i go through the motions

5Gpants: it's not as if I'm doing nothing or that I'm not working to improve my life personally

5Gpants: but about all that stuff i mentioned, it's just

5Gpants: and this is going to sound so pathetic

5Gpants: but i can't get excited about any of it

5Gpants: i try so hard

5Gpants: i try so so so fucking hard dude

5Gpants: but instead i look out at all of it and sit and do nothing

5Gpants: and the more complex it becomes, the more apathetic i become

5Gpants: why try to make everything better? it's not even a question of whether or not i'll make a difference

5Gpants: it's a question of whether i'll even be able to KNOW that i made a difference

5Gpants: i'm apathetic to my own apathy at this point

5Gpants: despite this insane world to explore and the relative freedom to do it i am paralyzed and BORED

5Gpants: how can i possibly be bored?

5Gpants: how in the flying frompnutter with all this can I be BORED?

5Gpants: but i am

5Gpants: and one of the few exceptions

5Gpants: the very few events i can barely manage to make myself actually get passionate about

5Gpants: is when someone comes along and creates something for me to be excited about on purpose

5Gpants: as I don't have enough already

5Gpants: but it works sometimes

5Gpants: i don't know why

5Gpants: a joke with a punchline, a story with an ending, a mystery with a solution, a proper conversation with a proper goodbye

5Gpants: a dumb candy riddle with an answer

5Gpants: i never got why these got me excited when next to nothing else could

5Gpants: they just did for whatever reason

5Gpants: but i have been thinking long and hard and it finally hit me

5Gpants: they make sense

5Gpants: there is never going to be a moment for me when i understand everything on the big marble

5Gpants: but someone can make a little marble for me, and if they put heart and care and thought into it then i get sucked into it

5Gpants: and if they do a really shrapgrinking job, it has an ending and it all comes together in the right way

5Gpants: and when that happens, man

5Gpants: that fucking feeling of just

5Gpants: "I get it. I understand everything."

5Gpants: we never get that feeling anymore

5Gpants: we never ever ever ever get that feeling, and when we do it's bullshit

5Gpants: but i live for that bullshit

5Gpants: those little marbles are few and far between and i love them so much

5Gpants: they make me want to care

5Gpants: they make me care

5Gpants: they even make me start to care about the big marble again

5Gpants: it's religion, almost

5Gpants: not almost

5Gpants: it's religion

5Gpants: so imagine being a person who figures this shit out

5Gpants: and imagine having the power to make those little marbles

5Gpants: and you go and say, you know what

5Gpants: i'm going to make little marbles on purpose

5Gpants: and i'm going to get people to like them

5Gpants: and i'm going to get people to like them a lot

5Gpants: and then i'm going to take the marble, right before that feeling of understanding can come, like right right right before

5Gpants: and i'm going to crush it

5Gpants: i'm going to step on it and toss it out and LAUGH at them in their dumb fucking faces for having the audicity to wanting to LIKE something and KNOW something

5Gpants: to want to figure out an answer

5Gpants: to want to make the world better

5Gpants: to want to feel

5Gpants: to want to stop experiencing that neverending apathy in the face of constant complication and convolution

5Gpants: to want some shred of understanding

5Gpants: it's evil

5Gpants: it's fucking evil

the_ladwhocan: Sounds more like you have a problem with people like JUROR than you do Bucket.

5Gpants: no i don't

5Gpants: JUROR's whole thing is a big joke anyway

5Gpants: nothing doesn't having an ending

5Gpants: he chooses to end something before common sense would dictate because he believes it makes a better marble

5Gpants: that is an ending

5Gpants: maybe it's one that i think is dumb but he honestly thinks that he is making something better that way

5Gpants: and i don't hate everyone who doesn't finish a marble either

5Gpants: i see the marblemakers and they go through the same apathy shit we do

5Gpants: to the level where they can't even care about their own marbles

5Gpants: it makes me sad, it makes me upset but not at them personally

5Gpants: i know it's not on purpose

5Gpants: but people like bucket?

5Gpants: dude

5Gpants: you know why you do something like this?

5Gpants: it's not to make six winners

5Gpants: it's to make a billion losers

5Gpants: it's to giggle and smirk to yourself because you managed to make a bunch of innocent people sad and disappointed for no fucking reason

5Gpants: it's having a full understanding of the problem and then purposely training people to be even MORE apathetic and hopeless because you think it's funny

5Gpants: he isn't going to give the answer up himself, he isn't going to let anyone else in the factory, and he's never going to explain his reasons (assuming he had any real ones to begin with)

5Gpants: him and one of the six are going to go in and have a swell time and board themselves up with all the answers and do it all again in seventy years

5Gpants: fuck bucket

5Gpants: fuck the contest

5Gpants: fuck everyone who thinks it's fine to do that to people

5Gpants: life's hard enough