What could I possibly mean by such an atrocious statement?

Well, as I sit down to write this today is what the Christians call Good Friday, and today is also the beginning of what the Jews call Passover. Both of these so-called holy days involve celebrating the murder of children.

Lets start with Good Friday. Today is the supposed anniversary of the day Jesus was crucified. More specifically, today commemorates the day the God of the bible had his only child tortured to death in order to die for the sins that he (God) created humanity with in the first place.

There are a billion people on this planet that actually consider a man being crucified to be a “good” thing. They think it’s good that there is a God who did this to his son. They think its good that someone else is the scapegoat for their evil deeds. They believe that its good that someone else could be punished for the crimes that they have committed (or will commit), and that they are therefore somehow absolved from their own wrongdoings. How can someone die for someone else’s sins?! What a preposterous notion! I will take responsibility for my own actions thank you very much.

And what kind of father would do that to his son? What kind of piece of shit father would let his child be mutilated and murdered on purpose? Supposedly God messed up and made man with Original Sin, and so rather than snap his magical omnipotent God fingers and undo all the sin that Adam and Eve brought into the world God decides that the best way to fix the situation is to have a son and send him down to Earth to get tortured to death for the sins that other people (including newborn babies) commit. What a disgusting belief. What a truly horrendous and shameful fairytale this is. The fact that The Passion of the Christ made $370,782,930 in box office sales makes me ashamed to be human. This putrid propaganda film about the gruesome events of “Good” Friday is the highest grossing R-rated movie of all time. Speaking of gross, as far as I’m concerned that barf-inducing blood-soaked example of religious murder-porn should have been X-rated. But I digress…

Back to what a shitty father God is. To recap, God creates people that are born inherently evil and the only way he can think of to fix that mistake is to crucify his only son. Nice. Let’s be clear here, God didn’t just let his child get killed, he orchestrated the entire affair. God could have chosen any number of peaceful ways to give humanity a second chance, but he chose to brutally murder his son instead. (Actually God was giving humanity a third chance because he had gotten pissed and wiped humanity off the face of the earth once already. Remember the flood and Noah etc? It seems like God really isn’t very good at this whole God thing is he?)

And by the way, if Jesus really was resurrected, then he didn’t really die did he? Which means if he didn’t actually die then he didn’t actually die for anyone’s sins did he? So even if the story was true the whole thing makes no sense anyway. But the fact is that it’s not true. There is as much proof of Jesus’ death and resurrection as there is proof that Alice went to Wonderland, or that Superman came from Krypton.

Calling Good Friday good is just Public Relations and Orwellian double speak. Its like or “friendly” fire, or “natural” flavors. It is putting a positive spin on something horrendous. There is nothing good about it. Unless you are interested in controlling people’s minds by infecting them with shame, guilt, and fear, then Good Friday is really good. The fact that parents teach their kids that its good that an innocent man was nailed to a cross 2000 years ago in the middle-east because they were born sinners is tantamount to child abuse, period.

And since theres no way that a 3 year old is going to hear that nightmarish nonsense without running away screaming in tears, we have to bribe them with candy. Just like every other holiday the rebirth of Jesus has to have its own cavalcade of cavity causing crap to get the kiddie’s attention. Societally we program children’s behavior with candy. We manipulate them with sugary treats so that they celebrate their parent’s holidays without even believing in them or really knowing what their true meaning is. What’s Christmas without cookies, and candy canes? And what is Easter without jellybeans, Peeps, and chocolate rabbits? To quote the great Bill Hicks: “I’ve read the bible and I can’t find the word bunny or chocolate anywhere in that fucking book.”

Everyone knows Easter is just another co-opted pagan holiday. Jesus was born right around the Winter Solstice and his resurrection is right around the Spring Equinox. What a coinky-dink! And because of course no one has any idea what the actual date of the resurrection was, Easter is a movable holiday. In case you ever wondered why Easter is on a different date every year its because it has been decided that Christ’s zombification should be celebrated on the first Sunday following the full moon after the Spring Equinox. Sounds pretty pagan to me. The Spring Equinox is a real thing. It means something in the real world. It is a time of rebirth and renewal. It is a time when Nature’s life-force is blossoming in all its glory, so of course the Christians highjacked it and made it about guilt and death. They took a time when flowers are blooming, and animals are being born and they made it about crucifixion and sin.

I am fortunate to have had the opportunity to plant a rather large vegetable garden a year ago. This spring is my first spring as a gardener. I am grateful to see firsthand how the cycle of life renews itself. All my flowers are blooming and all my veggies are sprouting. It is wonderful! It makes me so happy to facilitate such nurturing growth. Why can’t our holidays that celebrate God’s love and abundance around springtime be celebrations of flowers, and fruit, and running streams, and baby animals, instead of blood sacrifices and child killing in the name of an insane God that doesn’t even exist outside the pages of a book?

Which brings me to Passover.

Passover is the celebration of the Jews being liberated from slavery in Egypt. (Which of course immediately begs the question how did God let his chosen people become slaves in the first place?). Passover is called Passover because God’s angel of death passed over the Jews’ houses when he was killing all the firstborn children of Egypt during the 10th plague in the story of Exodus.

The fact is that there is no actual archeological proof that this exodus myth ever happened. Supposedly up to 600,000 families traveled across the Sinai Desert for 40 years without leaving a trace, not one shard of pottery with Hebrew writing on it. There is also no mention in Egyptian writing that suggests up to a quarter of their people just up and left one day. This exodus myth is central to Jewish faith and snobbery, and like so very much else in the bible there is no proof that these events ever occurred, but for the sake of this article lets just pretend that they did.

Here is the passage that tells of God’s plan to liberate his people in all its gory glory. Exodus 11, verse 4-7:

Moses had announced to Pharaoh, “This is what the Lord says: At midnight tonight I will pass through the heart of Egypt. All the firstborn sons will die in every family in Egypt, from the oldest son of Pharaoh, who sits on his throne, to the oldest son of his lowliest servant girl who grinds the flour. Even the firstborn of all the livestock will die. Then a loud wail will rise throughout the land of Egypt, a wail like no one has heard before or will ever hear again. But among the Israelites it will be so peaceful that not even a dog will bark. Then you will know that the Lord makes a distinction between the Egyptians and the Israelites.”

Nice way to solve your problems right? The almighty God is unable to just free his people with his godly powers (again, lets just forget about how his people became slaves in the first place), so he resorts to child killing. And he didn’t just kill the pharaohs firstborn child. He killed everyone’s firstborn child. He even kills the firstborn children of the pharaoh’s slaves. These slaves who were obviously not responsible for the Jew’s enslavement had their firstborn children slaughtered just so God could show everybody what a dick he can be if you somehow manage to enslave his people. And not only did he kill thousands of innocent children, he killed the firstborn son of every animal as well. What twisted scumbag! And if you think about it a firstborn son could be any age. So God didn’t just murder thousands of babies, he murdered thousands of fathers and grandfathers as well. If they are the oldest son they are dead meat no matter what age they are, or whether they had anything at all to do with enslaving the Jews or not. Seriously, God couldn’t just wave his magic wand and give the Jews their own place to be happy and free? I mean this is the creator of Heaven and Earth we are talking about right? This is the guy that made the entire universe in 6 days, but he can’t seem to take care of his favorite people on the planet without resorting to genocidal overkill?

Luckily God has some special instructions for his chosen ones so they don’t get caught up in his murderous tantrum. In Exodus 12 verses 6-7 he says: “Take special care of this chosen animal until the evening of the fourteenth day of this first month. Then the whole assembly of the community of Israel must slaughter their lamb or young goat at twilight. They are to take some of the blood and smear it on the sides and top of the doorframes of the houses where they eat the animal.” He then goes on to say: “On that night I will pass through the land of Egypt and strike down every firstborn son and firstborn male animal in the land of Egypt. I will execute judgment against all the gods of Egypt, for I am the Lord! But the blood on your doorposts will serve as a sign, marking the houses where you are staying. When I see the blood, I will pass over you.”

God can’t tell his chosen people from the Goyim unless they kill an animal and smear its blood on their front door? God knows your every covetous thought, but he can’t tell the good guys from the bad guys unless they turn their stoop into a horror show? Ridiculous and repugnant to say the least.

Again, to be perfectly clear about what a monster the God of the bible is, in exodus 12, 29-30 it says. “And that night at midnight, the Lord struck down all the firstborn sons in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn son of Pharaoh, who sat on his throne, to the firstborn son of the prisoner in the dungeon. Even the firstborn of their livestock were killed. Pharaoh and all his officials and all the people of Egypt woke up during the night, and loud wailing was heard throughout the land of Egypt. There was not a single house where someone had not died.”

God could have killed just the pharaoh and been done with it, but he chose to slaughter thousands of other innocent people instead. He even killed the firstborn children of the prisoners in the pharaoh’s dungeon. How disgusting.

So yeah, lets celebrate Passover. Lets celebrate how Jehovah’s angel of death murdered thousands of innocent children because he loves us so very much. Lets remember the time God killed thousands and thousands of innocent people and animals to make up for the fact that he somehow allowed his chosen people to become slaves in the first place.

I can’t believe that this hideous holiday has been around for 3000 years or more. It is pathetic and disturbing, just like the God of the bible. Because remember, not only did God kill all of the firstborn sons of Egypt, he eventually killed his own firstborn son as well.

And where exactly is this God now? He did all this mass-murdering and resurrecting thousands of years ago, but now he’s nowhere to be found. He inspires all these religions that cause so much trouble in the world, and then he just sits back and lets things get worse and worse. I mean, God used to be so proactive, but now there are exactly zero acts of the God of the bible to be found anywhere today. And I must say that fact makes me very glad because the God of the bible is a psychopath.

What kind of people would worship a God like that? I’ll tell you what kind of people, members of my family are “non-practicing” christians or semi-practicing Jews, and they are great people. They are fun, and nice, and smart, and as far as I know they do not condone murdering innocent children. And that is one of the things about religion that bothers me the most. It makes perfectly wonderful people believe in perfectly atrocious things.

They think God did all this stuff out of love. He killed an entire generation of Egyptians, and sacrificed his son out of love. But underneath this veneer of “religion shows us how much God loves us”, there is the brutal fact that the God of the bible is a sick and twisted murderous psychopath. He has nothing to do with peace and love, and everything to do with violence and fear.

I believe we can celebrate Universal Love without myths about capital punishment and mass murder! I believe we can celebrate the Life-Force in a way that honors Nature and each other! It’s time to break the cycle and stop passing along this grim, exclusionary, made-up, garbage.

So to all the Christians and Jews out there I say to you happy Child Killing Day!

And if that offends you, I’m truly sorry but to me your beliefs are absurd, and even more than that, they are obscene.