A lil bit about me

I'm a bit weak on the social mediaz, so here's a small write up about me.

First of all I'd like to give you guys some insight about myself. I'm not a very social person. That isn't to say I don't enjoy being around other people, but rather I prefer being by myself or with people I know pretty well. Smashers always ask me to come to the after party or go drinking at a bar when the tournament ends, and my response 99% of the time is "no thanks I'm tired", as I retreat in to my dark hotel room to watch a Starcraft or Hearthstone stream before I sleep. Another reason I don't hang out with people at tournaments very often is that simply interacting with others exhausts me for some reason, and I want to retain as much energy for the important matches as possible.

I could talk more about how antisocial I am but I wanna talk a bit about tournaments as well. I HATE losing. Whether I get 123rd place or 2nd place I'm almost always angry at myself for not playing how I wanted to. This sounds extremely arrogant, but whenever I lose I always think to myself "I should have won that". I've always had that kind of mindset for whatever competitive activity I do, and I have to tell myself beforehand to not take the game/tournament seriously to actually have a good time. Another struggle I have with tournaments is when others put expectations on me. I shouldn't be thinking about it, but when I check twitter some random person tags me and says "I put you in my fantasy draft don't let me down!" All of the sudden I'm playing for this guy now. I take two steps in the venue "You're in my fantasy draft, you gotta get top 3 to be worth it" great, thanks, I really needed to hear that. Obviously none of this should bother me, but it does.

Nationals are extremely tiring, and I didn't really have a problem with that a couple of years ago. I'd go out of state, then kind of recharge for a few months. Now that I got sponsored I've been having to get on a plane at LEAST once a month. Slowly but surely I'm getting run dry from all these events. I don't mean to sound ungrateful toward Panda Global because they're awesome (they didn't tell me to say that), I just don't think I'm cut out for this kind of thing. Whoa that REALLY sounds like I'm gonna retire. I just mean to say that in the future when big tournaments, like Pound and Summit, are TWO WEEKS APART I'm probably only going to go to one.

Thanks to all the people who support me, and I hope this sheds some light on my recent depressed tweets LOL

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