**Plot 3: What a Beer can Buy [REDACTED] on the Roof of the World[END REDACTED]**

[REDACTED]

沙可馬得 (/u/CoatsandCombatBoots) sits within Guangzhou, meditating, gazing upon the beauty of the soon-to-be-completed Giant Leshan Klonam. Although the visage of the half-finished stone statue brought great comfort to him, in truth, worry wormed at his heart. Firstly, the Tibetans had been constructing a facsimile, a Giant Leshan Aum in Chamdo, a heathenous creation to a false god. Second, vagrants, vagabonds, and even foreign spies could scheme to cause great destruction to the Giant Leshan Klonam. To ensure that the Giant Leshan Klonam was the only Giant Leshan Structure created, he would need to take protective measures, as was necessary.

Proceeding to the Beggars’ Row, 沙可馬得 considered precisely how his plan to protect Guangzhou from foreign incursion would be carried out. As fate would have it, his answer laid in front of him. Quite literally, in front of him - he was staring into the face of the Beggar King, said to know all of the beggars in Guangzhou, and to hold secrets that would hold nobles spellbound.

“Whatttttt bringggggggggggs a govvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvernmennnnnnnnnnnnn min-sterrrrrrrrr to my humble abode? Am I to bow and kowtowwww?” The Beggar King sarcastically chuckled, his uneven speech slurring.

“I have work for you, Beggar King.”

“Of what sort? Pickpocketing travellers? Finding the Fountain of Aime? What grrrrrrreat taaaaaaaaask would you haaaaaave for me, oh nohhhhhhhble miiiiiiiiinister of the grrrrrrrrrrrrrreat Songggggggg?” The Beggar King slurred out, sarcasm (and some unidentifiable substance) thick upon his breath.

“You will be paid handsomely for your services. Should you choose to accept.”, continued 沙可馬得, painfully aware of the Beggar King’s rudeness.

“Servicesssssssssss, hmm? Whichhhhhh sorrrrrrrrrrrrrrt? The sorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt involvin’ eunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnuchs?”

Privately, 沙可馬得wondered just how many people had been corrupted by the Scourge’s descent upon Dhaka.

“No. Nothing involving eunuchs. We do not need goddamn eunuchs! We need you to use your network of beggars, pickpockets, and street thieves in defence of the city. You know every face here, yes?”

“Would I telllllll yuoo if I knewww?”

“Oh for Klonam’s fucking sake are you or are you not willing to mobilize your goddamn network to detain and interrogate anyone attempting to interfere with the construction of the Giant Leshan Klonam?”

“Oh, tha’ . Yeah, surrrrrre, we’ll do itt. Wassssn’t Tibee-whateverr pullinnnnnnnnng some same stufffff??”

“Yes. I will deal with them shortly. Furthermore, we shall also provide you with guards to assist your operation, in case there is trouble.”

“Thankssss maaaaaaaaaate.”

Leaving the meeting, 沙可馬得 felt perhaps more relieved than he had a few minutes prior. Funny, that. He was about to enter foreign territory, and yet he felt more relieved than speaking with that trolling, drunk, and likely high beggar king.

The journey was uneventful, save for a Japanese passenger throwing himself against the walls of the cart several times, in an effort to “break the glass that holds me here, in the name of Taqn the mad”. Upon arrival in Chamdo, 沙可馬得took out his compass, examined a piece of paper nailed to a post, apparently a map of the city, and set off for the beggar’s district. Upon arrival, he noted two old drunk beggars, and began speaking to them, in a soft tone.

“Look, I need you to do something, and I’ll pay you for it.”

“Ugh? Speak up, kid. Going deaf in an ear.”

“I have an offer for you!” 沙可馬得 whisper-shouted into the first man’s other ear.

“Hey, hey, no need to yell. What do you want us to do?” The first beggar promptly rousing the second one.

“Do you know any ways to interfere with the production of the Giant Leshan Aum?”

“Oh, that old half-finished statue they have there? Easy. We’ll just start a giant riot, then trick them to go somewhere. We’ll need beer, though. Good beer too, not that Japanese piss.”

“Easy? How will you do it?”

“Whoa whoa, buddy. Pay up front.”

沙可馬得 sighed. “Here’s a few hundred pieces to split between the two of you. Should be enough to get yourselves a good life, with this much money.”

“And the beer?”

沙可馬得 sighed again, pulling out some Yan (Shandong) beer, the production techniques for it said to have been learned from monks from a place called ‘Deguo’. “Here you are.”

The beggars then jumped for delight, shot the beers, placed the money away, and promptly set out.

沙可馬得, intrigued, followed. Perhaps not the wisest of actions.

He saw the pair of beggars wander up to the Giant Leshan Aum, promptly pull down their pants, and begin pissing all over the base of the statue. The feet, the foundations, all of it was now covered in piss, that may or may not had once been the very beer that 沙可馬得 had handed over. An angry mob had started to gather. Before the last droplets of piss had left the air, the beggars had fled, the crowd following them in hard pursuit. Although 沙可馬得 had no way of knowing this, having left the city shortly before the riot truly began, the beggars later dispersed to enjoy their newfound wealth. The angry citizenry, on the other hand, denied their prize, promptly went to the mines and pillaged them in a fit of rage. The riot took quite a while to calm down.

Invested: /u/CoatsandCombatBoots, 324 gold, 2 spearmen