After throwing up at the library, Jenna Lemon hopped in a cab to go back to the lab – I mean home. Then, feeling like a wardrobe change was necessary, she jumped out of the cab and the mothership zapped her into maternity clothes. “Congratulations!” they broadcast into her head. “You’re spawning! This means a humanoid baby to study!” Champagne bottles were uncorked and a good third of the scientific data the aliens had collected was ruined when one guy got too excited and the cork popped out in the wrong direction.

Jenna waited until the next day to tell Grady. She took him to the park – this felt private, and she figured the mothership would be so busy watching all the other humans they might forget about her and Grady for a second. She was wrong, but remember when I told you she wasn’t the brightest?

Anyway, Grady was very excited, so excited he gave her a thumbs up. It was the greatest compliment Jenna had ever received.

The alien that had ruined the data had to come down and recollect more while his peers had a night off. He wasn’t too happy. Plus, what he saw was kind of boring.

Jenna was getting bigger, but still needed to send in reports to the mothership. She decided her daily exercise of walking to the library was enough, and the rest of the time she spent woo-hooing with Grady in the shower and eating ice cream right out of the container.

Recognizing how tired the walk to the library was, the mothership sent Jenna a rejuvenation cocoon. It was an odd sensation at first sliding into that viscous white stuff, but it sure did make for a good rest!

Until finally, one night, Jenna hopped out of the rejuvenation cocoon, a startlingly painful sensation gripping her rubber/flesh insides.

“What the cocoon is happening?!!” Jenna yelled, sticking her thumbs into her hurting abdomen.

“You’re in labor, woman!” Grady shouted, hopping from one foot to the next. “We’ve gotta get you to the hospital!”

“The hell you are!” said a disembodied voice. “All that medical equipment is going to interfere with our scanning gear. Let’s send this guy to sleep.”

Feeling suddenly not terrified at all, and rather sleepy, Grady got back into bed, thinking only briefly of how strange the cocoon felt wrapping around his skin. Jenna, meanwhile, went cross-eyed with the pain of human childbirth.

But then, sparkles! Was it the morphine the aliens had given her through the air? Was it the pain making her see things?

Who cared? A gimlet-eyed humanoid girl was born, wrapped in its very own pink rejuvenation cocoon.

Jenna and Grady bought some baby things with their meager income. Grady really wanted to separate the bathroom from the rest of the house. He was a real neat freak, and flushing the toilet in such near proximity to cooking and eating surfaces always made him feel like he was going to vomit.

Jenna looked after the baby while Grady was at work. The mothership kept asking to pop by to see the humanoid, but Jenna refused them each time. “I’m tired. My rubber boobies hurt from breastfeeding all the time. Just let me rejuvenate!”

Until finally they popped in unannounced. The door was locked, but the alien knew how to play the waiting game. He thought about why he had been assigned to this task, when he hadn’t even ruined the records with champagne, but ultimately it paid off.

“Dude, you know you’re supposed to check in once a week right? And that humans generally don’t parade around outside in lingerie? Seriously girl, invest in a robe.”

Jenna allowed the inspection of her daughter, Elisabeth Lemon, to take place.

“Okay, remember to send in those reports once a week or you don’t get paid!”

“Okay, try not to stop in too much! My husband doesn’t know I’m not a real human!”

He does know, though.