Last night, everyone's favorite victim-of-the-week show took on Gamergate. I've never watched Law & Order: SVU, but this seemed as good a time as any. Grab your Gamergate bingo cards and let's recap.

It's the IVL Finals, that's International Video Game League to you noobs, and Ice-T is there to introduce two of his cop buddies to his hobby. For gamer cred, he teaches them the word "noobs" and "campers."

Less than five minutes in, two guys approach a girl representing a video game company at a booth and get in her face. "Go home, gamer girl," they say before suggesting her boss, Raina Punjabi (aka Zoe Quinn, aka Anita Sarkeesian, aka Brianna Wu), only got "this Feminazi game" made by being a slut.

Shortly after, they follow her into a bathroom and attack her, something Ice-T and his two cop friends fail to prevent. The female cop, Officer Rollins, does come to her aid after the attack though. "What did they do to you?" she asks. "They leveled up," she responds. I don't think that's a choice on the report form.

Ice-T says he goes every year to the IVL Finals and nothing like this has ever happened. I find this hard to believe because on procedurals the characters can't set foot anywhere without a body showing up.

Back at the station house, Ice-T has to explain to his colleagues why gamers don't welcome women. "In their world, a developer is like god." Gamers are not willing to accept that god might be a woman.

They've got to talk to the victim, but Mariska Hargitay says she's "not going to understand a word that anybody says about this." Mariska is everyman. Well, #notallmen.

Describing her attackers is not a thing that comes easily to the victim. "They were total FALs." This girl is not made for police reports or real life. "Failures at life," Ice-T explains. Young, white "but pale," kind of skinny. "That's 80 percent of the crowd," Ice-T says. Ice-T is a social justice warrior.

"Her game is not popular with KOBS addicts." KOBS, it seems, is a game, Kill or Be Slaughtered. It's an FPS. Ice-T defines FPS. If they invent Video Game Genius, Ice-T is going to be all over that.

The game she represents is called Amazonian Warriors and the problem people have with it, she says, is that it's non-violent and non-stupid. (ESRB Rating: N for Non-stupid)

The team reviews the footage of the IVL to find the attackers. "The security footage, it's like trying to find a geek in a geek stack." Which makes me want a crime to be committed in the PC Labs just so maybe we can hear that.

We meet Raina, the developer of Amazonian Warriors, who is engaged to a venture capitalist and favors Sarkeesian's hairstyle and hoops. Ice-T says he's heard the game is "better than Civ 5 with the Brave New World expansion pack."

Mariska has been reading up on video games online. She worries for her child, that he'll grow up playing "cyborg cowboys and Indians." Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be cyborg cowboys.

The team gathers around to look for evidence on RedChanIt. REDCHANIT. These forums bear no relation to forums living or dead. The attackers are eager to meet fellow gamers and tell them all about what happened in the bathroom.

One of the cops goes undercover as a gamer by wearing a trucker hat and asking what the Gamergirl's boobs felt like. Law & Order: Middle School. After giving the deets, they get arrested. "Wrong move, player," Ice-T says as he comes out of nowhere and arrests one of the guys. "There's no reset button in the real world." If there was, Ice-T would go back and ask Dre if he could get in on that headphone thing instead of doing this.

Back at headquarters, bad news. "The arrest went viral." Probably because it has a hashtag, #falselyaccused. Sample comment: "Bitches be whiny!"

Over lunch, Officer Rollins wants to know why Ice-T plays "shoot-em-up" games after work when he has a real gun. But before we get to a full answer, Ice-T finds a livestream of Raina being interviewed on a Today-like morning show. The host smirks as he reads her a comment, "There'd be no game if Ms. Punjabi hadn't banged the moneyman." Matt Lauer, this is what your own network thinks of you.

During the broadcast, Raina gets swatted. If you had "swatting" on your bingo card at home, you were doing well.

Raina is all tough and calls the perpetrators "anonymous cowards" as her worried fiancée looks on. I know her fiancée can't be a suspect, but I so suspect him. He tells them that there was a "subthread" about her on RedChanIt and that she got a threatening letter and got doxxed. Ice-T declines to define "doxxed."

It seems Mariska understands "doxxed" but not "swatted." This is the first time I've watched this show, but I worry about her qualifications. "How is this SVU-related?" Mariska asks.

Oh, it seems they also hacked Raina's website. Who's got "hacked" on their card?

On RedChanIt there's a link to a video threat with a masked, voice-altered guy saying Amazonian Warriors is "derivative, mind-numbing garbage" and "she's a whore." These seem like two separate complaints. The word "social justice warriors" is used. Someone has to have bingo by now. The video can't be traced because they uploaded it through the darknet, Ice-T says.

The team tries to convince Raina to cancel the launch or at the very least to record and then broadcast it at the scheduled location. The video game launch is being livestreamed in 18 countries. Every major gaming site is sending a rep. Raina says she doesn't want to be intimidated by cyberterrorists and make the same mistake Sony did. "Better to be called a bitch than a coward." You hear that, Seth Rogen?

It's launch day. Security at the very not real Birch Pavilion is unconcerned. "200 events a year in this place, we haven't lost anybody yet," the security guy says. This is how you know they're going to lose somebody. Once I was on the tiniest of planes and right before shutting the door, the steward yelled out to a friend, "this is my last flight before I'm off for a whole month and I go home to my country." It's a miracle I'm still alive.

Back at the launch, we see the game trailer. This whole Amazon civilization is white. I'm just saying. There are quotes from Trendist, The New York Ledger, Smallfry. You know, all the major game sites.

Raina takes the stage. The game is cooperative and team-building, encouraging cooperation and group problem-solving. This game sounds awful. Tiny red lights dot Raina and an entire crowd panics because of laser pointers, which the team succeeds in confiscating.

But then the lights go out. "Bitches will die," booms on the sound system. "No social justice in gaming." It seems someone hacked into the wiring board. Always with the hacking.

Raina is gone. Way go to, security guy. You, too, Mariska. But her mic is still on so they try to follow what's going on and end up outside where a fake security guy has been left behind by his kidnapping buddies. I guess they managed to hack a digital billboard, too, because the kidnapping is being livestreamed (thanks for teaching me that word, Ice-T). "She's up there," her fiancée says, pointing to the billboard. It's a good thing he's just a venture capitalist and not a developer because he's not the sharpest. Across the bottom of the screen it says "Game on, NYPD." Gamers love puns, too.

The fake security guy had no idea this would go down. "They said we were just going to grief her." Does he know who the ringleader is? Only a user name, of course. "Acid Rain." Really, guy? You couldn't have gone with Acid Raina?

"If you know something, say something right now," Ice-T says to the fake security guy, and I suddenly think that the city needs to tweak its posters.

At headquarters again, the cops are having trouble tracking the van and they definitely can't track the phone. "They must have removed the battery." iPhone users are never suspects. At last, though, the van is located and so is the hideout. But the kidnappers are nowhere to be found. There's just a flag with the KOBS logo, a mattress, and a smartphone with a video. In the video, a masked man tears open Raina's blouse and then "Level Completed" comes on the screen. "This is a game to them," Ice-T says.

Back at the police station there's a video link on RedChanIt. Raina is half-naked and bound and says to the camera, "I realize now that gaming is no place for females. So all you bitches should get out now. You are not wanted and you are not safe. I also have a message for Steven Kaplan: I never loved you. I only slept with you so you'd back my game. I am a slut and I am a liar."

"You don't want to read the comments," one cop says. You never want to read the comments.

The video is geotagged and came from Staten Island. But Mariska is on to them because why is this not from the darknet? "This is a trap." All of Staten Island is a trap, Mariska. "They're playing a game," Ice-T says. "We gotta play, too."

Cut to Staten Island. Mrs. Rossi, an art teacher, lives alone at the house and they don't want to accidentally swat her, so they just knock. She hasn't seen any kidnappers but looking through photos there's a kid in a cap and gown. He's pale and skinny so he's a suspect. "That's my son Anthony. He's away at college." "Does he play video games?" Ice-T demands. "Where does he play?" In a twist no one could have foreseen, they run to the mother's basement.

"They raped her here," one cop says. Despite the "SVU" in the show's name, I didn't think they'd raped her since it wasn't shown on camera. Which makes this like high school when I read Tess of the d'Urbervilles and one chapter ends just as she's walking into the forest and in the next chapter she's pregnant.

In Mrs. Rossi's basement there's an open gun safe, no guns. Of course Anthony is "a good boy, he's shy," his mother says. He can't be involved. It has to be his friends. "One of them from the video games. The way they talk."

None of the cops know what to do so they ask resident gamer Ice-T. "Do you think they're still following a gamer script?" they ask him. "Rape is a mod in Level 16 of KOBS," he says. After that, it's time for kill or be slaughtered. What Ice-T is saying is they're running out of time.

Raina calls, but the cops have no idea that she has a gun to her head as she tells them where she's being held and that she's making this call without the knowledge of her kidnappers. But Ice-T is on to them. "If it's the final level of the game, they call the cops and when they rush in to save her, then they attack," he says. "This could be an ambush."

An ESU team and the SVU cops go to the warehouse where Raina says she's being held. They enter and Raina is strapped to a gun in an attempt for her to go out in a hail of cop-shot bullets. But she's rescued. Meanwhile, the kidnappers give chase to the roof where one of them shoots and then falls down.

"Recoil, it's not actually like shooting in a video game, huh?" one cop says.

"Actually, it's exactly the same," says the ringleader who comes around a corner. If you had "actually" on the bingo card, congrats.

Omigod, they keep intercutting the scene from the kidnapper's point of view for an FPS feel. So of course he has to yell, "Game over."

Not so fast though because Ice-T once again shows up out of nowhere and kills him. The other cop asks Ice-T, "Were you camping back there?" "I know, bad form but effective," he responds.

Now it's time to wrap this episode up back at headquarters. Mariska and Ice-T are chatting on a couch. "So 20 years of gaming or whatever it is you do with that controller finally paid off," Mariska says to him. "See, I know the difference between video games and reality. Those guys didn't."

Cut to Raina's apartment where she says, "Women in gaming, what did I expect?" She's out of the industry, saying they already won.

Nobody won from this episode, nobody. Also, this show is awful and I will not watch again until someone gets sexually harassed via smartwatch.

For more, see Everything You Never Wanted to Know About GamerGate.

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