It seems I got my daughter called into the Vice Principal’s office today….

When classes started this year at the beginning of August I was inundated with repetitious and pointless paperwork. Chloe (15) was good enough to fill out the name and address parts for me so all I had to do was sign. Sign I did, something like 13 different times for this monstrosity of bureaucratic bullshit.

When the section for who could check her out from school came up, she had put the names and numbers of her two local grandmothers. I added the following:

Grand Moff Tarkin

President Barrack Obama

I figured, correctly, that no one was going to see this anytime in the near future as Chloe is 15 and knows who can and can’t check her out from school.

FAST FORWARD 10 WEEKS

Chloe got called into the Vice Principals office today because someone FINALLY noticed her paperwork. He immediately accused her of filling out the form in this manner. She admitted that she did in fact fill out most of the form, including the names of her two grandmothers. She pointed out, however, that if he noticed, those parts were in pencil, while the other two names were in ink, just as my signature was.

“Are you saying that your dad filled that part out?”

“Yes sir”

“We take this paperwork VERY seriously, do you think this is funny, does HE think this is funny? I have tried calling him several times yesterday about this, but he never answers. (LIE: He has my Google Voice number, unlimited voicemail size.)

"My dad is very busy on Mondays and Wednesdays teaching at Kennesaw State University.”

“He works there?”

“Yes, he teaches History there, he is a professor.”

“Well, this is not funny, this is very serious.”

“Well, sir, my dad has a unique sense of humor that not everyone gets. Do you want me to fill out the form again?”

He hands her a new sheet, but tells her it is not entirely necessary that it gets filled out again, then adds,

“I check your discipline record and it is clean. You are lucky, if there was anything on it you would be in big trouble right now.” (ahem, the fuck you say, buddy.)

“Sir, I have only been to the office once in my life and that was to pick up an award.”

“You can go now.”

“Yes, Sir”

HOLY HELL, ARE YOU KIDDING ME! I so desperately wanted him to try to punish her as we would then get to meet face to face. I would have enjoyed pointing out that it took them 10 FUCKING WEEKS to take care of this vitally important paperwork. Also, that he proved the idiocy of the process by being an idiot in his treatment of my daughter. You can keep your piece of shit fiefdom, good sir, us people with a brain would rather roam the countryside.

If either the current president of the United States of America or the commander of the Death Star wants to pick up my kid from school, they damn well can.

It is also wise(ish) of him to not make her fill out the form again as I have a host of new names to add to the sheet. Starting with…..