Bear Week begins in Provincetown this Saturday. Of all the themes the tourism folks have promoted — such as Gay Pilots Cape Cod Classic and Gays for Patsy Spring Stomp — Bear Week is the most brilliant because bears are the perfect tourists. They are so cheerful and so hungry. Provincetown is the opposite of Yellowstone in that you can feed the bears, and every restaurant in town is ready for them. Plus, they are big tippers, generally speaking. And they wear big tattoos, big piercings and big leather accessories. Ka-ching!

No wonder there are off-season spinoffs, including Snowbound Leather Weekend in February, Out of Hibernation Ursamen in March, and Mates Leather Weekend, planned for Oct. 3.

It got us thinking, what other potential theme weeks have not yet been mined? Is there another catchy concept that encourages hedonistic, happy people to come and spend their vacations in Provincetown?

How about “Cloud 9,” aka Gay Flight Attendants Weekend? Compared with pilots, flight attendants really know how to party. They can mix a cocktail without spilling and are almost always better looking. Think of mile-high clubbing and uniform parties.

Speaking of uniforms, we suggested Gay Cops Weekend to a friend and were told there already is one — it’s just kept on the down-low, supposedly because not everyone likes the police. How silly. Come on out of that constabulary closet and show us your badges. And while we’re at it, why not open it up to firefighters, EMTs, and all manner of military people? Do ask; do tell.

What about Nonbinary Week? Seriously, this could be the time and place to accept people as they are/is without preconceptions or pronouns.

Ladies, there has to be something more fun than the Women’s Media Summit, Single Women Weekend, or Women of Color Weekend. At least Girl Splash, the week beginning July 23, has a catchy name. What about Stand-up Weekend, during which female comedians come together for hilarity and camaraderie? Or maybe Wine Country Week, inspired by the Netflix film directed by Amy Poehler? It’s about a bunch of comically gifted longtime friends who spend vacation together in a luxurious Airbnb in Napa Valley. This could happen here with groups of women who just want to relax and do not give a fig about the wine’s terroir.

And really, aren’t we long overdue for Gay Sports Week in Provincetown? This year it could have coincided with the thrilling women’s World Cup finals — go Kelley O’Hara! We’re already looking forward to Provincetown’s Classic Women’s Flag Football Tournament from Sept. 20 to 23. Everyone loves softball. And there could be gymnastics, roller-skating, wrestling, swimming, diving, synchronized swimming and, obviously, drag synchronized swimming. How can that not already be a thing?

If the weather got cold enough, we could have a Winter Sports Week focused on ice skating, curling and hot-tubbing (a sure cure for shrinkage).

Even those who have hated sports ever since they were picked on in middle school because they liked theater more, well, they can still dress the part. From soccer shirts to tennis skirts, the outfits really are adorable.

And if we’re looking to attract more well-heeled tourists, how about Gay Lawyers Weekend? You can say whatever you want about attorneys, but they have the best briefs.

Happy summer!