ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The oozing hessian sack of ranch dressing that moonlights as disgraced mining magnate Clive Palmer is trapped halfway up Uluru and early reports suggest he cannot get down.

Mr Palmer, as well as other Australians from the bottom drawer of society, took the opportunity today to climb the sacred monolith before the practice becomes illegal.

It hasn’t gone to plan for Clive, who made it almost to the summit with the help of sherpas and a diving tank of pure oxygen.

The weather has turned at Uluru, according to the Bureau of Meteorology, which brought high winds to the area.

Witnesses at the base of Uluru have reported hearing Mr Palmer bellow and yell for assistance but due to the weather conditions, he’s being urged to stay put by the authorities.

One eyewitness spoke to The Advocate a short time ago via phone and described a scene of utter chaos.

“It looks like Clive has tried to shimmy down at some point. His entire front is covered in red dust,” they said.

“We heard some yelling just before, then a full can of Pringles rolled down the side of Uluru and into the bushes just over there. We think he accidentally dropped it in the wind,”

“He really is making a racket up there.”

This is a developing story.

More to come.