Boris Johnson welcomed 109 new Conservative party MPs to Westminster yesterday, following the Conservative party gaining an 80 seat majority.

The Prime Minister gave the new MPs access to Westminster through the use of a cursed mirror, fraught with Tory necromancy, and radiating a powerful aura of austerity powered magicks.

The edge of the mirror was adorned with black speech transcribed in latin. This was recited by Jacob Rees-Mogg, as Dominic Cummings slit the throat of a Universal Credit claimant.

After a few moments, the mirror crackled a cruel, benefit slashing, blue and the new MPs began to hiss and ooze out of the mirror, gaining physical form as they traveled from their various constituencies into Westminster.

A cleaner who witnessed the unspeakable ritual is reported to have been driven to a chaotic insanity, and now spends her days screaming in a guttural belch that children shouldn’t get free school lunches.

Nobody knows where the mirror came from. Some believe it was crafted in the early 2010s while the Conservative party was under David Cameron’s thrall, in an attempt to consolidate power across all the realms of men (including Scotland).

Some say that Margaret Thatcher installed it during her tenure as PM, while others believe the mirror merely willed itself into existence through the cosmic knowledge that one day it would need to transport a whole bunch of elitist shits into Westminster.

Conservative MPs will be able to use the cursed mirror at will, except for Michael Gove, who tried to remove it from the wall so he could do a giant rail of blow off it.