GOLDEN ARCHES? ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED

You might read Lucky Peach's guide to secret menu of McDonald's and assume that it is a joke. Two double cheeseburgers in a tube sock? A McChicken with a pentagram inscribed with sharpie on the bun? This has to be a health code violation. McDonald's themselves deny the existence of this secret menu. But then again, of course a giant fast-food franchise whose tendrils have penetrated into just about every city across the globe would deny the existence of a secret menu. The truth is out there friends, and all you need to do to uncover it is to walk into your nearest McDonald's and ask for the Dog in a Bathtub.

A NEW LINE OF THINKING

For centuries knowledge of knots has been tied up in a mess of trial and error and received wisdom. Sailors eventually figured out reef knots were good for, uh, reefing sails, and so on and so forth. Now, with a pair of robotic arms to measure resistance MIT researchers finally determined why certain knots are so strong. And while you should never question the wisdom of an experienced sailor, it would be nice if we never had to learn how to tie a bowline again.

THANKS A LOCK



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I can't think of a reason why you would use a hotel safe in the first place when you can easily carry anything that can fit in it on your person. But this video of a man opening a safe with a torx screwdriver and a lockpick is a good reason not to.

A SOURCE OF MUCH EYE-R

Imagine the pain you feel when you have an eyelash stuck in your eye. Now imagine that pain doubled and never-ending. Finally, imagine going to the doctor, and learning that modern medicine can offer no respite. Such is the agony of those who suffer from 'dry eye disease.' But a discovery by one 82-year-old doctor reveals that the pain is not from dryness, but the very nerve endings found in our cornea. Fooled by our very own two eyes.

NOW IF IT WAS MADE OF SPARE RIBS…

As an idea on the Internet, a cube moon sounds cool. On most nights you could look up into the sky and see nothing else like it in the known universe. But when it comes to phases of the Moon, a round Moon is the Moon you want.

THIS FAST WEEK NEEDS SOME SLOW TV



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They really crammed a lot into this week after labor day, didn't they? Kim Davis is now a rallying point for dismantling the Supreme Court. Apple released three new products and kicked off yet another holiday season full of hand-wringing and techno-anxiety. Colbert is back on the air, which CBS CEO Les Moonves thinks is a "significant profit center." And researchers discovered an entirely new ancient human species. What we need is something that is uncomplicated and bereft of surprise. This timelapse video of a cargo ship traveling from Vietnam to China should do the trick.