Public Alert: The CDC Has Issued A Recall For All Romaine Lettuce Because It’s Time For Pizza!

If you haven’t heard the news yet, pay attention, because there’s been an urgent public alert issued by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: Effective immediately, there is a nationwide recall for all romaine lettuce because it’s time for pizza!

Wow. Hopefully no one you know or love is currently eating romaine lettuce, because it’s pizza time!

In a statement released earlier today, the CDC urged Americans to throw out any and all romaine lettuce bought in the past week because it’s time for some cheesy, piping-hot pizza with all your favorite toppings! The agency’s statement also warns that anybody who consumes romaine salad products of any kind puts themselves at serious risk of missing out on pizza time, because you know that fresh ’za and all the bread sticks and dipping sauces are going to go fast!

Romaine lettuce distributors have also halted production at their facilities, wanting to be very cautious that they not make the problem of Americans failing to realize it’s time for the cheesy treat known as pizza even worse.

Unfortunately, thousands of Americans have probably already consumed romaine lettuce before the CDC could issue the recall, so be sure to spread the word to family and friends so none of them spoil their appetite eating romaine lettuce when all the pizza they can handle is on the way!