Sitting at Elway’s glittering bar in a slinky dress and strappy heels, Christine Spuehler, 44, is alluring by any measure.

And ageless, too, with blond hair spilling around her face. Men a decade or two her junior approach at this legendary lounge, known for hooking up as much as for its frosty martinis and celebrity owner. The Castle Rock woman has dated several younger guys since separating from her spouse three years ago.

You could call her a cougar.

But it’s not that simple.

“This is what society handed me,” said Spuehler, chatting on a recent Thursday night. “I thought when I was in my 20s, I would find somebody and have a beautiful life with him and have children.”

Exit the husband. Enter the fawning young men.

Spuehler, like many middle-aged women, is single, financially secure and interested in romance. By some measures, she typifies what pop-culture lingo has dubbed a cougar — a woman 35-plus willing to date guys a generation-minus.

But cougarism is more complicated than the reductive picture forged in TV shows, comedy monologues and the snide commentary of office e-mails.

Spuehler is no lioness preying upon tender antelope. She wouldn’t mind finding a man her own age, she says.

“We’re looking for people we can love. It’s not about anything else.”

For some cougars, at least, dating men who were still in high school during the first season of “American Idol” is less about sex than it is about circumstance.

“There aren’t as many men my age who are single and fabulous,” said Gail Bridges, 38, sitting in a Boulder coffee shop.

“I try to be open to everything. But you really only meet young dudes in bars.”

And the young guys, she said, tend to be “enamored” of older women. “You tell them your age and it does not scare them away,” she said. “It draws them in.”

The May-December romance concept is not new. Older men, certainly, have been dabbling for centuries (though lately, they’ve been dubbed “manthers”). Cougars have been around, too, though not so prominently. Libidinous Mrs. Robinson was a scandalous boy-chaser in 1967’s “The Graduate.” Even the term cougar has been around since the 1980s.

Critical mass, money

The difference between now and that recent past? Among other things, critical mass.

Women finally have enough economic independence to forge their own way as adults, observers say. This, combined with more social acceptance, has led to a phenomenon that has moved far beyond the fringes.

There are now about 14.8 million single women between the ages of 35 and 54, up from about 13.4 million in 2000, according to U.S. census data.

What’s more startling is the number of single women in this age bracket who make $75,000 a year or more. Today, 972,000 women pull down salaries in that range. In 2000, the number was less than half — 375,000. One more stat to consider: There are more single young guys. The average age for men at marriage has risen from 23 in 1970 to 28 today. That’s five extra years of dating. Lucky cougars.

Science, medicine and fitness are helping the cougar cause as well.

“A woman of 40 or 50 or 60 can take estrogen replacements, get facelifts, spend her money in bars,” said Helen Fisher, a Rutgers professor and author of the recent book “Why Him? Why Her?”

“With this long middle age, and the economic resources to do it, women can express their sexuality.”

Cougars, of course, have been the subject of much parody, including some now-famous skits on “Saturday Night Live.” More recently, however, the cultural conversation about cougars seems to be inching away from ridicule and toward embrace.

The television network TV Land has a new reality show called “The Cougar.” The Bravo channel’s popular “Real Housewives” shows are set in such locales as Orange County, Calif., and New York City and include older woman-younger man relationships. ABC is working on a new sitcom featuring “Friends” star Courteney Cox called “Cougar Town.”

Hollywood types have welcomed the approach to coupling. Demi Moore married actor Ashton Kucher when she was 42 and he was 27. Who is Madonna’s latest squeeze? The 50-year-old reportedly is dating Brazilian model Jesus Luz, 22.

One website started by University of Colorado graduates, Urbancougar.com, revels in everything to do with romance between women and younger guys. Snark? It’s absent.

“We were infatuated with these older women who dressed up like Jennifer Lopez to go shopping on Sunday afternoon,” said Jeremy Mape, one of the guys who launched Urbancougar.com in 2003.

“When we first started it, it had a negative connotation. Now there are a lot of women who have fun with it and take pride in the term.”

“I want hot and funny”

Many women who date younger men said they are open to their contemporaries — or older guys. Not Melanie Olson, 44, a retail manager hanging out at Elway’s bar recently.

How often does she date younger men? “Always,” she said.

“They work out like I do. Guys my age are fat and gross. I want the total package. I deserve the total package. I want hot and funny.”

Olson was divorced 21 years ago. In her experience, the young men “take care of themselves. Guys my age don’t.”

“It probably will never be forever,” she added. The young guys “are hot with great bodies, but they’re nothing else but hot. No smarts.”

Anna David, author of the book “Bought,” which tackles some of these themes, believes the trend — whether the older women date younger guys exclusively or just dabble in them — is positive, and about time.

These days, “a lot of women don’t care what anybody thinks,” she says.

That includes Jessica Hunter, 45, who has found her younger man. For now, at least.

“I saw him on the light rail. I was with my girlfriend and he sat down and I said, ‘He’s kind of cute,’ ” said Hunter, of Lone Tree, talking about the day about a year ago she met her boyfriend, Shane Scott, 30.

“I’m like, ‘Hey! Yeah, you. Jacket man.’ He had a cool jacket. I had just moved back from California. I gave him my number, thinking he would never call me. He did.”

“It’s a different fun” than the fun she has with her contemporaries, she added. “I will say they are at a different confidence level. They are like, ‘Hell, yeah, I can do whatever I want.’ ”

Scott is on board. “You know, I have plenty of time, plenty of energy, and she is right there,” said Scott. “She has no kids and it’s perfect. Times are changing. It’s not about family as much as enjoying the good times, enjoying the world.”

It’s easy to see this from the eyes of a cougar. Guys in their 20s aren’t saddled with complicated schedules involving ex-wives and children, and their careers haven’t yet commandeered their lives. They have the time and the energy to go bar-hopping. In addition, younger guys have not become jaded about dating.

Putting “magic” first

And men for whom middle age remains merely a concept can be more spontaneous, which leads to more light-hearted conversations and hook-ups.

Chemistry, if not intellectual debate, is tough to find with older guys, said Bridges.

“I want to believe in magic,” she said. “The 40-year-old guy has gotten more into the practical mode. ‘Does she have a job?’ All of the things on the checklist. The magic isn’t on the checklist.”

With young guys, “it seems more about the fun,” she said.

“They are so in the moment. I think you could date them for a year, as long as you don’t ask, ‘Where is this going?’ ”

And that, said Bridges, is the major drawback.

“Young guys are fun, but having a real relationship with one? I wouldn’t bet money on it. So it is kind of depressing.”

But so is dating older guys.

“They will say on the first date they want a woman to marry and have babies with,” Bridges said. “I’m like, ‘Man, I’m on a first date. Can’t we just see if we can get along first? Can’t we just have some fun?’ ”

Douglas Brown: 303-954-1395 or djbrown@denverpost.com