“Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons.”

It’s been a sad few years for television. Heisenberg finished his final scheme, Jax took his final ride, and soon, Don Draper will have his final sip of alcohol inside the office. In about a month, we’re also going to lose one of the most chivalrous and just men on television: Ron Swanson.

Parks & Recreation is on its final season and with it comes a final farewell to one of television’s most consistently funny characters. One aspect of the series that’s allowed it to flourish for so long is its character development; the characters consistently evolve and find themselves in fresh situations. What sets Swanson apart is how he’s always been this austere bastion of manhood and verisimilitude. He’s economically written, too, which makes for some great one-liners.

Those lines happen to double as guidelines for living a better life. We’ve collected the best here for what’s sure to be a final season emotional enough to have even Swanson shedding tears. Be warned: the Swanson guide to life isn’t for everybody. Emotional coarseness can mess you up and bad cholesterol can kill you — like how Nick Offerman’s performance is a killer. Seriously, though…