The backlash was immediate, even among conservative members of the Church not prone to championing LGBT rights or questioning Church policy. People were shocked by the policy’s extreme language and worried about the possible negative consequences for children. The incremental but significant progress the Church had made in its relationship with the LGBT community seemed undone. And for LGBT Mormons and their straight allies who disagree with the policy, the decision about whether—and how—to stay in the LDS Church got more complicated.

This is especially true for younger LGBT Mormons, who are struggling to understand and accept their sexuality within the context of the Church at the same time as they are making other big life decisions about where to live, what job to pursue, and what relationships they want to cultivate. Many LDS young adults plot their lives based on the ideal timeline of events laid out by the Church: serve a mission, go to college, get married, have a family. A decision to leave the Church is like a decision to create a new life plan—not a decision to take lightly.

Braxton Barham, a 16-year-old living in Sandy, Utah, just south of Salt Lake City, knew his whole life that he was gay. But he was also always taught that he shouldn’t be. “From a very young age I just understood that it was a bad thing and I should try to not show it,” he said. “From a very young age I knew I should try to suppress those feelings and if I didn’t I was sinning. Growing up, there was so much shame and doubt and guilt.”

Barham, whose parents are divorced, came out to his mom when he was 12 and to his dad when he was 14. He came out to most of his friends within the past year, but he has hesitated to come out to everyone in his congregation. “If I accept that this is part of who I am it almost seems like I’m betraying the church that I grew up in,” he said. “As I learned to love who I am, I did go through a point where it was difficult for me to go to church.” Over time, he has come to see a distinction between the institutional Church and Mormon culture and what he believes are the teachings of Jesus Christ; ultimately he decided to stay in the Mormon faith. “The people of the Church make mistakes and can be unkind,” he said, “but the spirit and Heavenly Father are perfect and they don’t make mistakes.”

Barham said his dream is to be with a man and have an eternal relationship with him inside the Church. “My truest hope would be that some day it will change, that we’ll be accepted,” he said. “Sometimes it really does feel like we’re fighting a losing battle. What gives me hope, though, is that there are so many of us.”

For many LGBT Mormons, including Barham, finding a community of others like them has helped them accept their identity. Church-owned and -operated Brigham Young University has a gay-straight alliance, for example, though the group is not officially recognized or sanctioned by the university; it meets every Thursday evening at the Provo City Library. Officially called Understanding Same Gender Attraction, or USGA, the group welcomes students and faculty who identify as LGBT, same-sex-attracted, or straight allies, sponsoring social activities and educational programs for the broader BYU community.