The whole international pandemic thing that’s going down forced the 2020 March Madness to be cancelled. Or so you thought.

The NCAA is skipping this year’s tournament at all levels, but /r/CollegeBasketball has sponsored its own alternative Men’s Division I tournament: Reddit March Madness. Streamed exclusively on YouTube and executed with a college basketball video game from almost 15 years ago, this year’s March Madness is sure to be unpredictable and full of really dumb turnovers.

Nothing But Nylon is providing the exclusive* coverage of the event from the bedroom of our headquarters. Don’t miss any of the real* quotes and bone-breaking analysis that you’ll only find here because of how exclusive* this content is.

* = this means you can’t sue me

Reddit March Madness First Round Recap

Two No. 15 seeds advances to the second round for only the second time ever and first time since 2012. Texas Tech continued the legacy of at least one First Four team advancing to the Round of 32, which has happened in every season except 2019 since the field expanded in 2011. And Boston University was murdered live on the Internet.

What a four days of action that left our collective hearts racing, our blood pumping and our love for deep mid-range shots only worth two points growing.

“Shoots it!” the goober of all goobers, Verne Lundqvist, shouted at random times regardless of what happened. “Knocks it down, from 20 feet away!”

We saw some heroes in the Reddit March Madness First Round, like Villanova freshman guard Bryan Antoine, who leads the tournament in scoring after a 42-point performance against Northern Kentucky. He averaged 1.1 points per contest during the regular season.

“If he can score like that for us moving forward, teams are going to have a tough time guarding us,” said Villanova head coach and shockingly not Italian Jay Wright. “Having someone produce like that unexpectedly is a nightmare for defenses.”

The first round was full of amazing play and acrobatic athleticism. The second round will probably be much of the same, considering it’s all being played on a video game.

Speaking of defense, the first round showcased a series of different looks from the tournament’s teams, from MANAMAN to MANAMAN, and everything in between.

“MANAMAN,” commentator and escaped corpse Bill Raftery said as if he only had moments to live.

March Madness is all about the Cinderellas, and Reddit March Madness is no different. Now that the field has been narrowed to 32, the remaining mid-majors and low seeds have been campaigning against one another for the title.

The top candidates are the two No. 15 seeds that conquered their No. 2 seeds in the first round – Eastern Washington and North Dakota State – although No. 13 seed Vermont and No. 12 seed Akron have viable cases, too. Only the worthy will survive until the Sweet 16.

“Yes, dance for me, my pretties,” said Mark “Satan” Emmert as he spun around in his swivel chair in his underground lair with a 20-foot fish tank full of sharks, barracudas and other nightmares of the seas torturing a drowning man behind him. “Your Cinderella stories are music to my bank account.”

Most of the tournament favorites – all four No. 1 seeds, No. 2 seeds Creighton and Villanova and all four No. 3 seeds – still remain, though some, like San Diego State and Florida State, have already gone home. The Round of 32 is likely to send a few more title hopefuls packing.

“This shit is not happening again,” said Creighton head coach Greg McDermott. “I swear to fucking God, this shit is not happening again.”

Reddit March Madness will resume Thursday with the first day of the second round, which will run through Sunday. The full schedule of games, as well as stats and a bunch of other bullshit you didn’t even know you needed, can be found here thanks for /u/typicalbaseballfan, whose gratuity and competence knows no bounds.

Be sure to follow along with Nothing But Nylon’s comprehensively exclusive* coverage of the 2020 Reddit March Madness.

Part of the proceeds from the sale of each #RedditMarchMadness t-shirt will go toward helping those in the basketball community affected by COVID-19. We will be partnering with non-profits like the Give and Go Foundation on the effort. If you know of a worthy group that could use some extra funds, please reach out.