So I just got back home from a concert and I have a story to tell.

My night started when I met up with my Redditor friend at happy hour. From there, I left to go to this concert at The Hamilton for some Grateful Dead tribute bands. The show as sold out, but I had my tickets bought ahead of time. Being 23 years old, I’m always the youngest at these events. I don’t mind though as I still have a great time enjoying the music.

I’m sitting at the bar eating a pizza. I’m not socializing at all, just kind of in tune with the music. I felt great though, and I saw some women staring at me. The band on the stage is playing my favorite song, Terrapin Station. All of a sudden, this woman comes up to me, looking about late thirties/early forties and tells me how much she likes this song. So this woman opened me. Not the other way around. She was there alone, and I can tell from her body language she was immediately attracted to me. She was quite attractive for her age and I think to myself that this cougar wants to go hunting. I’m game.

Right off the bat she is giving me shit for my age and telling me how I don’t have any worldly experience. I defeat every single one of these shit tests and accuse her of making everything up and creating a conspiracy against me with everyone else in on it (I like defeating shit-tests by escalating to absurdity). We talk about the music and the Grateful Dead and how became fans, all the usual stuff. All the while she is giving me shit for my age, so I told her that she was too old and couldn’t keep up with me anyway.

I also disqualified myself with:

You are such a mean person. You are like the meanest person I ever met in my life. We can’t even be friends.

This is similar to the “weirdest” person ever, but it was the only response I was able to come up with after she made fun of my shirt. Went over great though and she tried to prove to me she was a nice girl. Then she shit-tested me again by asking me to buy her a drink for her. I told her no and I wasn’t her butler.

Again, giving the zero kelvin of fucks was essential here. She said she was leaving for the bathroom and may not come back to me. My response, “oh well.”

It is nearly impossible to phase me.

She comes back. After our body contact escalated past the point where it was just shoulder to shoulder touching, we started dancing with each other. I rapidly escalated kino here and brought her in fast. I pull her in and had my hands on each of her hips. It is at this point that she really tried to destroy my frame and state of mind with this statement:

Oh no, you’re going to try to kiss me aren’t you.

Holy shit. I’ll be honest, this one caught me off guard. So I go to my default defense and just stare at her in her eyes quizzically. She repeats herself and I’m forced to respond, “Am I now?” …”Yes”, she says. My response:

Yeah, you’re right. Come here.

And I pull her in and we make out.

We dance together for a while holding each other. She tells me she plans to leave in a few so I say, “We gonna roll out in 15?” She responds with “We? No, I.” I stare at her. She says, “Do you seriously want to come back to my place?” Zero fucks given at this point. I tell her yeah, or she can just leave and I’ll stay and enjoy the rest of the show. She says, “Let’s go then.”

We grab a cab and head back to her place and have sex.

A fascinating night indeed.