When it comes to an active shooter situation, our humble servants in the federal .gov know exactly how to handle things. To disseminate their wisdom, the deep thinkers at FEMA have put together a little computer course designed to teach federal employees just what to do in that unhappy event. The tutorial’s primary takeaway: run and hide. Oh, and if that doesn’t work, throw things at the shooter. Because nothing says “back off” like a Swingline Optima right between the eyes. FEMA’s making sure much everyone on the federal payroll is getting the training, titled “Active Shooter: What You Can Do.” Yes, even armed armed Border Patrol agents. And no, they’re not amused . . .

foxnews.com reports that, against all odds, the head of Border Patrol Agent Union Local 2544 seems to actually understand what his members’ duties to the pulic are:

“We are now taught in an ‘Active Shooter’ course that if we encounter a shooter in a public place we are to ‘run away’ and ‘hide’” union leader Brandon Judd wrote on the website of 3,300-member union local. “If we are cornered by such a shooter we are to (only as a last resort) become ‘aggressive’ and ‘throw things’ at him or her. We are then advised to ‘call law enforcement’ and wait for their arrival (presumably, while more innocent victims are slaughtered).”

Never mind the affront to his armed officers’ dignity, he’s worried about what will happen if one of his members actually does encounter a postal situation.

“It is always comforting to know that for those of us who carry a weapon when we are off-duty, if we should encounter such a situation, stop a shooter and save countless lives, we can look forward to being disciplined or fired by the Border Patrol because we should have run away to hide and then maybe thrown objects at the deranged killer instead of taking action and stopping him with a firearm,” the union local’s website says.

So if you’re a federal cubicle drone – or just a civvy with business in a federal building (think post office) – you won’t be armed. Well, you won’t be if you’re obeying the law, that is. Should someone with less regard for federal law than you pull a gun open up, your only hope is that an armed federal employee happens to be there and decides that returning fire and protecting the public is more important than any potential job consequences that may result. Good luck with that.