12 Ways to Get the Sexual Spark Back in Your Relationship

Humans; our brains are a funny thing. Just when the brain says, “I think I’m digging this” it settles into, “eh, I’m bored with that… enough already!” Just like we get tired of that favorite, must have dish every Thursday evening we could never get sick of, we tire of the same repetitive routines in life. Take sex with your partner for instance. Think back to the beginning, when you first made that connection. The moment butterflies fluttered around in your belly and your heart skip a few beats. Remember how that first kiss made you feel? It would be fantastic if we could keep all those first magical moments in a bottle and take a shot when the time is right, but if we could bottle it up we would all be rich! So, what’s a couple to do to find ways to get the sexual spark back in their relationship? Plenty.

Not every couple can be “lovey dovey” throughout their entire life together; mundane is going to happen to most. What you need to know and understand is this is normal; people experience it every day of every year. Perception of pleasure and familiarity are not friends. Over time we get fewer shots of the feel good hormone called dopamine. You still love your spouse or partner and aren’t wanting to stray, that’s not what it’s about. But your brain wants something new to stimulate it; something new and exciting. You want the “love bug” to bite again. You want lust. You want passion.

There are many ways to put sexual spark back into your relationship, and they are much easier than you think. The simplest of gestures you make for your partner can go a long way to getting things all “hot and heavy in here”!

1. Show Interest

This one is easy, and seriously takes little effort. The key is to ask and be engaged in the moment, and stay engaged and attentive.



The best way to explain how disengagement feels, is to give an example of everyday routine. Two people pass each other in the hallway at work. “How are you?” “I’m well, thank you. And, you?” Before the response can be made each have moved on down the hall. We are conditioned this is the norm; meet disengagement.



Don’t ask just for the sake of asking. Ask, listen and respond. Be a part of the conversation. Expressing genuine interest in your spouse or partner’s life scores big points. It is a turn on and great ROI.

2. Reconnecting

Make that connection again. Start with something simple, make eye contact and hold it whenever you and your love are speaking to each other. The bonding hormone oxytocin starts increasing when you eye-gaze with all your clothes on. Think of this as a sort of foreplay. The longer you gaze into each other’s eyes the stronger the desire to get closer and get those clothes off.

3. The Anticipation Power of a Little Tease

Who doesn’t like a little teasing? The human brain craves when there is the anticipation of a reward. Drop some hints of what’s to come later. Be mysterious and let your spouse figure it out. Drive your partner crazy with a tease. We all want what we can’t have, and that craving for it grows the longer it takes to get it. Take a little time to deliver on your tease; you just might find you are as turned on as the one waiting for the reward.

4. Disagreements Are No Friend of Sexual Sparks

Agree to disagree, where the boundaries are and leave them all outside the bedroom… or the kitchen if that’s where you’re cooking something up other than dinner. After an enjoyable playtime, all disagreements will probably resolve themselves.

5. Touch, Touch and More Touch

The body is full of sensitivity, not to mention erogenous zones you may not be aware you or your spouse have. The sensation from a touch is exciting. Run your fingers over down her neck and shoulders, down his arms, and run your fingers through each other’s hair. Don’t forget about massaging; a sensual rubdown goes a long way. A massage increases your bonding hormones and decreases stress hormones, and gets the body and mind ready for sex.

6. Bring in the Sexy Toys

If you and your love are comfortable with the idea, introduce a sex toy into your sex life. If lovers are open to the idea, sexual pleasure can go to a completely different pleasure plain with a vibrator or a prostate massager, or both. This could be a jackpot of “happy endings” for getting the sexual spark back in your relationship.

7. Fantasize

What’s your fantasy? Tell your lover. If you’re uncomfortable, start small and increase the amount of information you let your lover know over time. Before you know it, you both will be fantasizing about what the other might be thinking about! You can start the conversation with, “I’ve always wanted to try doing…” or I’ve always wanted to let you do…” want to try it with me?” Invite your lover to tell you his fantasies and be willing to share your with him.

8. Get Your Sexy On

Forget those extra pounds you put on or those dimples in your cheeks. Forget your insecurities and find your inner diva. He loves confidence, silky soft sexy lingerie and red lipstick. Pull on those silk stockings and slide into those red pumps. Get your sexy on and spark up your man.

9. Sexy Messages

Think back to high school; remember how it felt to get a note passed to you from that dreamy boy in the back of the room? That sensation doesn’t go away just because we get older. In fact, it can make you feel like a high school girl again and your lover feel like a boy with a crush on the hot girl in school. Leave notes in places that you know he will find them. Send her naughty text messages… sexting is hot.

10. Love at First Sight

What first attracted you to your partner? Recreate a moment or a first date. Take her to where you first kissed or some place with a special meaning from your past, like where you proposed.

11. Date Night

Plan a romantic night out and make it memorable. Holding hands, locking arms, gazing in each other’s eyes and kissing are all foreplay and get oxytocin and dopamine hormones all worked up for later. Who knows, when you park in the driveway you’ll may be lucky to make it out of the car without steaming up the windows.

12. Chores

Knock them out early. While you are at it, do your spouse’s chores. Gratitude will come knocking.

Now, slip those red pumps on. Put your silk boxers on she loves and grab her vibrator. Get those juices flowing and get the sexual spark back in your relationship! The night is young, and you have some “cooking” to do in that kitchen.