I'm not a stickler for adhering to source material, but if this stuff isn't depicted they might as well have created a generic fantasy show and called it CavillQuest.



Any time Geralt is not engaged in a conversation he keeps Witcher Vision enabled. Half the show's budget is spent on fisheye lenses and orange cgi highlights around barrels.

Geralt tries to loot a barrel in a peasant's hut but gets no prompt. He runs backwards, then turns around and comes in for a second approach. He mashes the A button the millisecond the prompt shows up. He's a split second too late, magically blowing out a candle instead.

A completely normal shot stops when the cameraman notices golden shafts of sunlight turning the scene extra pretty. Geralt stands still as the camera pans and swoops around clumsily to catch the golden light from every possible angle.

Geralt spends two thirds of the show traveling. Most of that time is spent abandoning his horse, Roach, and running everywhere. He zooms uphill as if wearing rocket-skate boots. When the terrain's angle becomes slightly too severe Geralt slides sideways even faster while remaining perfectly upright.

Around thirty scenes in which Geralt stares at a handful of rusty nails trying to figure out if it makes more sense to sell them for 10 crowbs or break them down for iron.

Geralt tries to loot a treasure chest at the bottom of a river. Too close. He swims away and turns around for another approach, but forward momentum carries him past the chest. Geralt swims farther away, then turns around and approaches again only to find he is now at a higher elevation. He dives. The act carries too much momentum, sending him headfirst into the treasure chest. Which he can not loot because he is too close.

Geralt misses a ladder and falls from the loft of a barn. He lands in a pile of hay stacked on top of soft dirt, dying instantly with a pained groan.

Every action scene begins with Geralt thumbing through his bestiary, chugging a potion, choosing the right sword, grinding his armor, drinking a concoction, sharpening his sword, casting Quen to form a magical shield around his body, pouring the right oil on his sword, and pausing his battle charge to pick a single white myrtle petal.

Numerous scenes in which Geralt passes up much better gear than his current equipment because it makes his waist look a little puffy.

In every fight Geralt dodges backwards, then pulls off a graceful lunging attack with a ten foot reach, falling five feet short of his enemy.

– Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell (@DennisFarrell)