Dear Asking For a Friend:

I am a single woman living in a busy city. My life pre-COVID-19 consisted of lots of dating, and dinners out and, since this is anonymous, I am going to admit — a lot of sex. Well, maybe not a lot. But definitely regular. Now that we are all at home, self-isolating, I am obviously not dating, and I am really missing the connections to people, but also the feeling of connection that comes from sex. I have never needed a vibrator before, but I am a little embarrassed — and excited — to say that I ordered one online and it came last week. And it’s amazing. I am having orgasms a few times a day now — I even leave my computer when I feel stressed and spend some time in my bed. I am finding that it helps relax me. But here’s the thing. Is a few times a day with a mechanical, cold, plastic toy a bad thing? Is it possible to get addicted? What if after COVID-19, I prefer it over a person? I have even named it – Peachy. Lame, I know, but we are spending so much time together, it may as well have a name, right? I am hoping you can make me feel less worried, because even if I wanted to stop, not sure I can.

Signed, Just Peachy in Alberta

Dear Just Peachy in Alberta,

You’re certainly not a one-and-done kind of woman. Kudos to you for finding an outlet to coast through these challenging times. Before Alfred Kinsey — a famed sexologist — discovered that Americans practiced sex for pleasure and not just for procreation, self-gratification was considered a sin and believed to cause insanity, disease and even death. Today, we know that desire-driven sexuality can be good for our health.

“The association is due to oxytocin, a hormone released at orgasm, which combats feelings of stress and increases feelings of well-being,” says Dr. James Cantor, Psychologist and Director of the Toronto Sexuality Centre. “It is the same hormone that triggers lactation in women during breastfeeding and is even associated with social bonding. All of these factors — feeling secure and attached to lovers, parents, offspring, or friends — are closely related in the brain, using the same set of chemical signals.”

Experts also agree that a self-love session can help relieve period pain, prevent urinary tract infections, strengthen your pelvic and anal muscles, and help restore moisture levels in the vagina for more satisfying sex. One-on-one time with your body can also help boost confidence as you tune inward to focus on your pleasure.

But while masturbation is an important part of getting to know your body, and one of the safest forms of sex, we want you to know that it can’t actually replace the real deal. Sure, you can get used to the pulsating sensation of say, a vibrator, and you may even want your partner to use it on you during sex, but there’s no research to suggest that a toy — even if spectacular — can ever replace sex in real life. But as Dr. Cantor points out, sometimes, people prefer masturbation to the real deal because “vibrators and other sex toys make no demands.” And while too much frick-fracking can be a sign of sex addiction in some people, masturbation isn’t something you need to worry about.

“Masturbation addiction is a myth,” says Dr. Cantor. “There is no evidence to associate masturbation with tolerance or withdrawal. Because people use masturbation as a stress reliever, people will masturbate more when they feel stressed. When people find themselves spending more and more time masturbating (and surfing porn), they believe that that is the problem, when the actual problem is the stressors they are using masturbation to get away from.”

Masturbation addiction is a myth. There is no evidence to associate masturbation with tolerance or withdrawal

When it comes to female orgasm and climaxing, it can be anything but easy, so turn up the heat and keep exploring your body. All this solo action can lead to better sex because when you know what you like, you can be more open about your needs and desires. So next time you step away from your desk to show yourself a little love, stop worrying about the future and just enjoy this healthy and rather unexpected reward of social distancing. When you live in the moment and focus on the here and now, life in quarantine can be just peachy.

Is there something about health that you (or a friend, wink, wink) have always wondered about, but are too embarrassed to ask? Send a note to info@healthing.ca. We promise your ‘friend’s’ secret – and identity – is safe with us. Next week, AFAF helps a reader whose roommate has some annoying habits, like putting nail clippings in piles on the coffee table.