December 18, 2019 Marks an historical (hysterical?) and momentus occasion as ridiculous as it sounds, largely because it is untrue.

The Democrat members of the House of Representatives of the United States of America unanymously voted to impeach Bitcoin, citing unruly and unfounded gestures of defiance against the minting of the U.S. Dollar.

When questioned about the allegations brought to the floor, Bitcoin stated on record:

It is unlikely that the Senate will follow through with a vote for impeachment in January, as most of them still have absolutely no idea what cryptocurrency is.

In the meantime, Bitcoin trades at $7162 at 10:06 pm EST 12/18/19.

Gordon Freeman Out.

Quantum Computer Learns to Trade, Causes Bitcoin Price to Crash

https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/satire-quantum-computer-causes-price-bitcoin-plummet-7088-su-xxlnjl

G. Lucas Offers 1000 Bitcoin to End Run of Bad Star Wars Spin-Offs

https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/satire-breaking-news-george-lucas-offers-disney-1000-bitcoin-xzpdyp

Tron Founder Sentenced to Life In Video Game Called TRON

https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/satire-tron-founder-arrested-sentenced-life-1980s-virtual-re-xrreoy

Flat Earth Movement Certain of Ethereum Mining Hoax

https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/flat-earthers-claim-have-proof-all-ethereum-mined-antarctica-xgqogz

U.S. Presidential Candidates Recommend Crypto For Votes

https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/crypto-politico-us-presidential-candidates-preach-pro-crypto-xgqowz

BAT Token Faces Heat From Those Who Don't Have the Attention Span

https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/founders-bat-token-face-legal-heat-after-addadhd-activists-s-xlwvdd

R. Heart Sued For Actual witchcraft Used On Hex Coin

https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/hex-creator-r-heart-sued-using-actual-witchcraft-reach-top-p-xprepk

Mandella Effect Proven - Doge Caused the Great Depression

https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/doge-coin-caused-1929-stock-market-crash-now-proven-mandella-xxlppk

Satoshi Claims to Be the Real Dr. Craig Wright

https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/satoshi-comes-out-hiding-proclaim-i-am-real-dr-craig-wright-xnyglk

Coinfloor's Dumb Decisions on ETH

https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/ancient-uk-tech-company-coinfloor-exchange-chooses-force-coi-xnygxx

U.S. House Goes Impeachment Crazy - Tries to Impeach Bitcoin

https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/us-house-votes-impeach-bitcoin-satire-xjqwrk

Doge Meme Secret- True Identity of Satoshi

https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/doge-meme-points-secret-identity-real-satoshi-satire-xkrwvo

Doge Dog Owner Want $150 Million Licensing Fee For Use of Image

https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/shiba-inu-owner-original-doge-dog-seeks-150-million-licensin-xymzoo

Santa's Tired 2019 - Just Giving Bitcoin to Everyone

https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/santa-press-release-informs-im-just-givin-everyone-bitcoin-y-xvjkqv

PayPal Enters Crypto Ring Only to Compete With Themselves

https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/paypal-creates-its-own-cryptocurrency-accidentally-only-comp-xorvnn

Ancient Egypt Is the First Real Pyramid Scheme... and Blockchain

https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/ancient-egyptians-created-first-pyramid-scheme-based-crypto-xjqkkj

Google Takes Advantage of Competitor's Poor Naming - Chooses to Launch Facebook Coin

https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/google-takes-advantage-rivals-lost-opportunity-names-their-c-xvdryw

Binance Creates Stable Coin Backed By Tether

https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/binance-creates-stable-coin-backed-tether-satire-xqwojj

Rekt Coin Blames the World For Poor Performance on Marketplace

https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/rekt-coin-creators-blame-internet-poor-market-performance-sa-xvdrkk

Y2K Was Real- It Just Took a While

https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/y2k-bug-was-real-just-20-years-late-satire-xweyxl

Cortana Jealous of Blockchain Technology

https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/cortana-becomes-first-ai-get-jealous-blockchain-technology-s-xdmxrx