They say that “nice guys finish last.”

It’s common knowledge in the seduction community that, even though women say they want a nice guy, they sleep with jerks and friend-zone guys who are actually nice to them. Hell, even most people outside of the community know this.

I usually teach that being nice has nothing to do with it. It just so happens that most nice guys are simply too shy to show their sexual intentions while the so-called “jerks” aren’t afraid to be sexually aggressive. Sexualization is a main staple of any competent PUA’s game, so we know how effective it can be to simply be open and honest about our sexual intent. Nice guys usually don’t want to “offend” a woman by expressing that he would like to have sex with her in any way, which ultimately makes them dishonest…

Wait a minute… If they’re trying to manipulate a situation with dishonesty, doesn’t that mean that they aren’t actually being nice?

Being nice is supposed to be about respecting the sentient integrity of another human being, respecting their choices, and allowing them to be fully informed of what options exist for them. Most supposed nice guys, however, aren’t actually being nice because they’re hiding their true intentions. They aren’t actually listening to the woman for the sake of really understanding them. They don’t actually care.

I’ve had many women tell me that I am nice, and sometimes they said they started liking me (or started to become turned on by me) when I was nice to them. In the past I usually just assumed that they didn’t know what the hell they were talking about because I bought into the whole “nice guys don’t get the girl” dogma taught by the pickup artists.

Well, those pickup artists are right in the sense that guys who are too shy and shameful to express their sexual desires don’t get girls. And, on the opposite side of the spectrum, many women complain about men who express their sexual desires so much that they show zero respect and consideration for the girl. Even if the latter rude guy still gets laid more often than the guy with no backbone, both of these extremes are bad. In the case of the nice guy, however, I would argue that they just don’t know how to be nice in the right way.

I also argue that, if these guys actually started being nice in the right way, they could actually get laid more than the rude, inconsiderate predator asshole.

I started to think back on all the times when women told me that they liked how I was “nice” to them and I noticed a pattern. The kind of “nice” I was being was very different from my idea of what a “nice guy” was. I always thought that being nice meant being a submissive bitch with no dominance, no backbone, someone who supplicated, and someone who wouldn’t dare to reveal their true desires.

The kind of nice I was being was a kind that built strong rapport and connection with women. It let us establish genuine understanding with each other and thus acted as a metaphorical lubricant, which ultimately functioned as a literal lubricant. I wasn’t being “nice” by giving away my power and being submissive – I was being considerate and genuinely interested in what she had to say, genuinely caring about her own desires, genuinely curious about her dreams, and overall genuinely interested in who she was.

The key to being nice in this real way is to first stop caring about impressing the girl… the best way to do that is to be confident enough in yourself to know that you are already impressive enough and that you have nothing that you need to prove… so leave those DHV stories at home. When you stop caring about impressing the girl, that actually gives you room to start caring about what she’s all about. It will make you more curious about her, it will make you more considerate about her wants and needs, and it will make you think about her more than you think about yourself (and you are indeed thinking about yourself when you are worrying about what she thinks of you). This sort of genuine interest can make her feel so warm inside to the point where it has a physiological effect (I’m talking about physical arousal here, buddy!).

Now, I’m not just some boring listener that women can use as an “emotional tampon,” as many PUAs put it. I’m actually pretty damn fun to hang out with and I incite strong positive emotions in people around me. Combine this with a show of some deep understanding and genuine consideration and you’ve got yourself a hugely powerful force of seduction.

Being an asshole is just a shortcut to spread open the legs of some LSE (low self-esteem) chick who doesn’t actually give a shit about you. Being nice in a real way, however, opens everything with everyone, and it makes women actually feel better about sleeping with you.

Women aren’t lying when they say that they like nice guys. A lot of people just have no idea what the fuck that means.