Fox News contributor Allen West went to Walmart and thought he was the victim of "Sharia law" because a checkout clerk under the age of 21 couldn't sell him alcohol.

There was a young man doing the checkout and another Walmart employee came over and put up a sign, "No alcohol products in this lane." So being the inquisitive fella I am, I used my additional set of eyes -- glasses -- to see the young checkout man's name. Let me just say it was NOT "Steve."

I pointed the sign out to [daughter] Aubrey and her response was a simple question, how is it that this Muslim employee could refuse service to customers based on his religious beliefs, but Christians are being forced to participate in specific events contrary to their religious beliefs?

While we are no longer contractually obligated to bring you news of former congressperson Allen West, R-FloridaMan, he is still dispensing many conservative wisdoms from his new perch at the National Center for Policy Analysis, aka wingnut welfare, and we can't really ignore all of them now can we He did indeed. And he wrote of his harrowing experience in a post titled Sharia law comes to Walmart?" It all began when he went to his neighborhood Walmart to buy some food and liquor, aka thinky-juice, because Republican think-tank heads purchase most of their quality booze at Walmart, but when he got into a checkout line the unthinkable happened. It was a nice America we had once, but it's over now. It ended that day at Walmart If it was "Steve," it is quite possible none of this would have happened. But he wasn't named Steve, he was named some deeply suspicious ethnic-sounding name that we will never know. And that set off the West family alarm bells.And thus Sharia law came to the neighborhood Walmart, and now decent God-fearing Christians can't buy liquor for their daughters. Imagine if Christians attempted something like that—declaring certain American counties dry, or forbidding liquor stores from selling their wares on certain days of the week, because they had gotten it into their heads that alcohol was the devil's own spit. Oh there would be outrage, there would be. Allen West would lead the charge personally.

There is only one flaw in Allen West's gripping account of the Muslim takeover of his local Walmart; it turns out the young man with the suspicious jihady-sounding name could not serve Allen West booze not because he was a sekrit Muslim, but because he was under 21 and Walmart store policy says underage employees can't fondle the liquor. (One wonders if the person tasked with explaining this to Allen West was the same poor sap who had to reassure Texans that Walmart was not reconfiguring their stores to serve as detention camps when the U.S. military came to round up all the Texans.)

This revelation led Allen West to update with the new state of affairs, in an addendum twice as long as the original post, confessing that sure maybe that particular rat-bastard not-Steve wasn't a Muslim menace, but Walmart still was bad because they sold "Halal meat" and also President Obama is an Islamist sympathizer and by the way we've got the most anti-Christian executive branch in recent history. A deft save of the premise, old sport.

The lesson here? Unknown, but we can at least gather that Allen West was, eventually, able to buy some liquor. Which is good news for him, because those columns of his aren't going to write themselves.

