I remember my freshman year formal was taking place at a venue where some couple happened to be having their wedding. We discovered this because my date, my friend, and I went outside (to do who knows what—smoke a cigarette, maybe?) and then we stumbled upon this other portion of the venue, where we found this wedding. Of course we crashed it. We danced for maybe .5 seconds, took a photo with the photographer, and ate a piece of cake. In retrospect, it was incredibly douchey and crappy to do (and if that couple is out there with an unedited proof of our goofy freshman faces, I truly apologize)—but not as crappy as what a serial wedding crasher in Texas is doing. A woman has been accused of crashing weddings, posing as a guest, and making off with gifts. John and Jeremy would never!

Kens5 reports that the Comal County Sheriff’s Office in Texas needs help identifying this alleged serial wedding crasher so they can bring her to justice. So far, there have been four reported incidents of her crashing weddings in Comal County at two different venues, then stealing gifts. They also think she was involved in a similar incident in a nearby county. Detectives on the case also believe she could have stolen from more couples, who do not even know they’ve been stolen from.

Damn. Just think about how many friendships could be broken or family dynamics strained because some newlywed couple thought their BFF Janice had the nerve to show up to their wedding, drink the entire free bar, bang the best man, and then not even get them a gift? When all along, poor Janice’s gift was stolen by the serial wedding crasher, who I am now calling the Wedding Gift Grifter? (Comal County detectives, feel free to use that one, just credit me properly.)

While detectives don’t know exactly how much the Wedding Gift Grifter has made off with, they guess it’s in the thousands. But they’ve been able to track her using video footage from the wedding venues, as well as by tracking where the gift cards she took have been used.

And after putting her face out on social media to see if any locals could help identify her, they got a lead in the case. “I’ve seen them before,” said Rhonda Hollon, president of the New Braunfels Wedding Chamber. “I’ve seen them at open houses. We’ve had many open houses during the summer that we’ve seen them strolling around checking out the vendors and venues.” Or, as we say in official police terms, scouting out her next target.

I imagine Comal County detectives will find this lady pretty soon, now that the story has been picked up by the likes of The Cut (and now, Betches, obviously). But if you have a tip (and I mean a real tip, not like “here’s a tip: just buy them something off the registry next time!”) you can visit the Comal Crime Stoppers website or call 830-620-TIPS.

Clearly the Wedding Gift Grifter failed to abide by rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion. And to the Comal County Sheriff’s Office, I say: lock it up.

Images: KENS5 / Facebook