After last week’s Trump 2016 chalkings, Emory has decided to ban chalk from campus.

A leaked document from the school explains their reasoning. It said: “It’s detrimental to the campus aesthetic, does not contribute to constructive discussion on issues in the school, and is getting all over President James Wagner’s Italian leather shoes that he just bought two weeks ago”.

The Emory student organization Body of Undergrads Trying Together has been campaigning for the ban since the controversy started. Their president, Langdon Alger, told the Tab that he is “overjoyed” by the decision, saying, “It all started when my Greyhound, Virgil, rolled around in some Trump 2016 chalk.

Before I could get back home to give him a bath, he started aggressively charging at anyone that looked like Jeb Bush and somehow started his own winery that was closed by the time we got home.” Alger is now $400,000 in debt and hopes the chalk ban will save others from the same fate. “We no longer live in an innocent world where chalk is used to draw penises,” he said, “And it’s time we’ve made adjustments.”

While it’s too soon to tell, the ban is expected to cause a rise in the production of black market chalk in the Druid Hills area. This chalk is made using day-old DUC pastries and the tears of B-school students collected during midterms. The contraband chalk is considered 10 times more potent than regular chalk, meaning that one “Trump 2016” made from it would be enough to raise Ayn Rand from the dead.

The Tab recommends that, instead of using this dangerous alternative chalk, students spell out their edgy or passive-aggressive messages in twigs or whatever is left of their trust funds.

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