Image by the brilliant Stuart F Taylor

Yesterday some poor soul wrote in to the Guardian to ask why his girlfriend masturbates after sex. His assumption was that it was because she was ‘insatiable’, and the agony aunt explained that perhaps she just fancied a second orgasm, or wanted to pleasure herself without the potential anxiety or pressure of doing it in front of him. My answer is a lot more sweary and pretty NSFW, but here goes: maybe the sex made her really, really horny.

I used to orgasm pretty easily when I fucked. It was one of my very few superpowers. In fact, I got so used to coming during sex that I ended up taking it for granted a little: assuming that every time I wrapped my thighs round a guy, it’d happen.

Like all good morality tales, my pride came before a fall. A course of SSRIs left me anorgasmic and worried about the impact of my fuzzy-brained sexual ambivalence in the long term. I’m off the pills now, and very much enjoying fucking again, but I’m still struggling through the anorgasmic hangover, to the point where it’s still tricky for me to come during sex. But if you think I’m trying to tell you that your girlfriend masturbates after sex because it’s hard for her to come during it… you’re wrong. That is certainly one possible reason – and nothing to be ashamed of on either of your parts. Sometimes your body just doesn’t do the things you want it to do, and you need to give it a helping hand. But although it’s an important thing to note, it’s not the primary reason why I masturbate after sex.

Why would someone masturbate after sex?

I may struggle to come but I certainly don’t struggle to get horny. I am frequently horny. I get horn over the weirdest things. Horn which causes me to run home at top speed if I think there’s a chance I’ll get to sit on his cock.

The other night we were fucking in one of my favourite ways. How we were fucking doesn’t really matter, but if you’d like the sordid details I was bent over and bracing my hands against the mantelpiece while my partner railed me from behind, pulling on my ponytail and whispering the kind of sweet nothings that my ravenously eager brain enjoys the most:

“Good girl.” “Stay still.” “That’s it.” “I’m going to come so deep inside your cunt.”

You know: the usual. And perhaps it was the position, or the vigorousness of him yanking my ponytail to slam me as hard as possible onto his dick, or the specific combination of words said in just the right way but… I came! Go me! I came really hard, squeezing his dick tight with the over-eager muscles inside my cunt, squealing as I am wont to do: all the good stuff.

He groaned and fucked me harder: appreciating the dick massage that my vagina was giving him. And he kept fucking, for a couple more minutes, while I clenched and unclenched to try and tease another ‘oh God fuck yes that’s it’ out of his filthy mouth.

But here’s the thing: when you clench and unclench your vagina, around someone’s thick, hot cock, mere moments after you’ve had an orgasm… it often makes you want another.

WHY WOULD IT NOT?

I am having a really sexy time, I have just nailed an exceptional orgasm, and there is still a super-hot guy pounding away at me like it’s a punishment for being naughty. My vagina is not limited to just one orgasm – it’s another of my superpowers. And that combined with horniness means that if you continue to pound the living fuck out of me once I’ve come, I’ll probably want to come again pretty fucking soon.

And you know what’s hot enough to tip me over the edge? Feeling jizz pumping deep into my cunt.

It might not float your particular boat, but for me it’d launch the QE2. So once my boyfriend has come, I grab a hoodie off the floor of the living room to cover me on the cold, naked run up to the bedroom, wave him a quick goodbye and then run full-pelt towards the bed so I can finish myself off with a Doxy and a dildo.

The idea that someone’s girlfriend masturbates after sex seems so routine/obvious/understandable that I’m genuinely surprised anyone would react with something other than a shrug or an offer to lend a hand. That this behaviour could be seen as bizarre or surprising – or even indicate that someone is sexually insatiable – is fascinating. It shows just how much we centre the cisgender male experience when talking about sexual pleasure. You think sex is completely finished just because your dick squirted? Fair enough – pop off to the kitchen and make yourself a celebratory post-shag sandwich. But my body works differently. Imagine if your refractory period didn’t kick in the second after you’d jizzed. Imagine that it could continue to be turned on and feel intense pleasure even after you’d come the first time: wouldn’t you masturbate after sex sometimes?

So this goes out to the guy who asked why his girlfriend masturbates after sex. Dude, obviously I can’t tell you what’s in her head, but I can certainly explain what’s in mine:

Sex is sexy. It turns me on. And when I’m turned on, I wank.