I recently watched a YouTuber by the name of Sam Luigi and his video titled

‘Are you gay and ugly’

and I sat on it for a few weeks. ‘Are you gay and ugly’ is a rough title in itself as no one wants to feel like they are ugly. Sam raised many issues that resonate not only within the Queer community, but can be translated throughout society. The idea that gay males are not attractive if they aren’t ripped, under the age of 40, aren’t disabled, or otherwise don’t conform to the Bel Ami, Cocky Boy, Titanmen image.

Indeed, by a quick search online there’s a lot of messages of support, support groups, and donation pages to the ideal

‘cute, young gay man’

who has been adversely affected by the homophobic society. But that’s about, as long as your cute you can participate on these pages. We need to only look towards the recent Georgian Teen in America, who ended up donating his large sum of money to homeless shelters. Thank you for that by the way but what about the rest of our community? As Sam mentions in his video, an older gay male who lost his partner of eight years didn’t receive support from the mechanisms designed to support our community because he didn’t fit the poster boy image. Is it possible our community only responds thing’s that we deem as attractive rather then the person’s cause?

Sam Luigi echoed a sentiment that I have had for many years:

Whilst the Queer community strives for equality we spend so much time in-fighting with political correctness, battling the ideal image of masculinity and fighting for a cause that we convince ourselves is inclusive but it is only inclusive in so far as it relates to our own click or micro-community within a broader spectrum. In doing so we end up severely off course.

When I first came out I ended up in Oxford Street and I have never felt so out of place in my life among these overtly gay, model twinks that knew exactly how to dance and had a lingo of their own. These guys who were supposed to be a part of my gay community had already developed their own clicks and were outright dismissive of anything less than what they considered to be ideal. It is hard to become a part of someone else’s group when you haven’t grown within their community. Marketing plays a strong part here as each venue specifically caters towards a particular group and reinforces these discourses of a fractured community.

Subsequently, I moved on from the scene and I choose to support my community in other ways; activism, program and policy development and with my voice. I thoroughly enjoy the time’s I spend helping others in the community. If I’m doing something positive with in my society I can help nurture a social connection that I feel is important to people’s well being. Having a voice that is heard can create awareness for deeper issues that need to be acknowledged.

This is one of the reasons why we ran the sex positive ideas in our stores. Sex positive ideas provide an inclusive environment without judgement and without catering to just one specific market. Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres are for everyone without any exclusions. We want to move away from the sleaze, darkly lit rooms that smelt faintly of certain substances and away from the place where the person behind the counter stared at you from their safety net. We want to openly invite people who would like help improving your lifestyle.

We pride ourselves on having fun and providing a safe space regardless of orientation or sex. Our work is not done, the work is never done. But we work on chipping it down brick by brick. The more we help people, the more people are comfortable with who they are. People can find their sexuality and experience life for what they may need it to be rather than having to “fit in” to a mold. At the end of the day, everyone is different with their personal characteristics, hobbies, and lifestyles. It makes the world more fun and interesting.

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Stephen is a cis-gendered gay male who spends far too much time with his two cats and eating tim tams. A self-identified sex-positive advocate he cares deeply about gender equality, disabilities, sexual education and social issues. Opinionated and bold he isn’t afraid to speak his mind and say what others won’t. With a yearning for knowledge and experience in all things relating to sex, he is a prolific writer that has developed the content for a myriad of informative Sexual Health and Wellness websites. Stephen’s articles and writings tends to focus on social issues, sexual education, queer issues and all things fetish and absurd. He comes qualified with the completion of a double Bachelor degree in Social Sciences and literature, and a Masters in Education. www.adultsmart.com.au

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