The messages girls receive  from parents and teachers, from books they read, from movies and television shows they watch, and from behavior of the adults around them  can be so powerful that as women they may not even understand that their reluctance to ask for what they want is a learned behavior, and one that can be unlearned.

More recent research that I conducted with two colleagues, Hannah Bowles and Lei Lai, points to another reason that women don’t ask: They face a much chillier reaction  from men and from women  when they do negotiate for what they want.

Behavior that can lead a man to be seen as ambitious or a go-getter can brand a woman as too pushy and aggressive. She may be called rude names, receive negative evaluations based solely on her personal style instead of her work and find herself closed out of networks or opportunities from which she might benefit. My boss was pleased that I asked him for what I wanted. A lot of women aren’t so lucky.

I’ve concluded that this is a crucial leadership issue for any organization committed to sound management practices. When I realized that the woman I’d hired would be earning less than the man for doing equivalent work, I called her back and raised her salary. I couldn’t accept this disparity in my organization  not just because it was unfair but because I knew that it was bad for my organization, where it is crucial to attract and keep the best people.

Managers often watch talented women walk out the door when they discover that they’ve been treated inequitably. So good managers need to be on the lookout for these sorts of inequities and take steps to correct them.

THERE’S a lot that women can do, too. They can recognize more opportunities to negotiate and master basic negotiation skills. They can learn how to assess and strengthen their bargaining power; research, prepare and practice before their negotiations; and use strategies that won’t make them seem threatening and provoke a backlash.

I’ve also founded an organization, Progress (www.heinz.cmu.edu/progress), to teach young girls to negotiate. In partnership with the Girl Scouts, we’ve already developed a negotiation badge that takes girls through a series of 10 activities to develop their negotiation skills. We’ve created a video game that requires girls to negotiate in order to reach the highest levels and win.