

Madden Champ Sits on Own Balls,

Forfeits Tournament



By WALLY FINGERS











Jesse McMac's testicles before and after their tragic implosion.



He stood up to do a little end zone shuffle, recalls Ma. And when he sat back down... I'll never forget that sickening sound.



Witnesses described the sound as a squishy crunch followed by two distinct pops.



Reports indicate McMac had the presence of mind to hit the pause button before flopping to the floor in agony. Once his "time-out" minutes expired, he took three delay of game penalties before officially forfeiting. McMac was then carried out of the game arena on a stretcher.



His trainer was eager to deflect the blame. Jesse recently switched to boxers, revealed the balding coach. I told him he hangs too low for that, but Jesse insisted they were ventilating. And now that stupid kid just ventilated himself into early retirement.



Sources close to McMac claim the veteran gamer looks forward to competing next year, but some dont see that happening.



Madden Mashup's proposed safety-wear.





As a result of the incident, the Madden Mashup advisory board is now considering mandatory safety-wear for all male competitors.



If youre concerned about the risks of testicular trauma and other video game related injuries, please consult your local game store representative. ♠ LAS VEGAS, NV  This years Madden Mashup took an unfortunate turn today when three-time champion, Jesse McMac, accidentally sat on his own balls, crushing them to a pulp and forcing him to withdraw from the prestigious competition.He stood up to do a little end zone shuffle, recalls Ma. And when he sat back down... I'll never forget that sickening sound.Witnesses described the sound as a squishy crunch followed by two distinct pops.Reports indicate McMac had the presence of mind to hit the pause button before flopping to the floor in agony. Once his "time-out" minutes expired, he took three delay of game penalties before officially forfeiting. McMac was then carried out of the game arena on a stretcher.His trainer was eager to deflect the blame. Jesse recently switched to boxers, revealed the balding coach. I told him he hangs too low for that, but Jesse insisted they were ventilating. And now that stupid kid just ventilated himself into early retirement.Sources close to McMac claim the veteran gamer looks forward to competing next year, but some dont see that happening.As a result of the incident, the Madden Mashup advisory board is now considering mandatory safety-wear for all male competitors.If youre concerned about the risks of testicular trauma and other video game related injuries, please consult your local game store representative. ♠