I HAVE THE SHINIEST MEAT BICYCLE.

Greetings, travelers! Today we’re going to dive into another Borderlands 2 recipe that features our lovable, meat-sleeve wearing, blood-thirsty, psychopath: Krieg!



What ‘chu looking at?

Krieg is just your average, everyday resident of Pandora. He enjoys sipping only the finest quality teas while curling up to a cozy book. Just kidding, he loves NIPPLE SALADS AND SCREAMING INTO YOUR SOUL. Nice guy, seriously.

In honor of Krieg, I’ve decided to recreate his class mod in MEAT!

Image from the Borderlands Wikia.

There’s also some veggies and grain in there too because you can’t go slaughtering your enemies without enjoying a balanced meal.



UNIT COMPOSITION

salt pepper 2 teaspoons of olive oil 1 tablespoon of worcestershire sauce 3/4 cup of couscous 3/4 lb of kale 1 heirloom tomato 1 1/2 lbs of ground bison

BUILD ORDER

Prep work will take about 10 minutes. Total cook time is roughly about 25 minutes. This makes 4 servings.

Calories per serving: ~480 calories

OPENING

Set two separate pots to boil — one for couscous and one for kale. For the couscous, you should have roughly 2 cups of water. Add in your couscous to one pot of water. Season with salt and oil. Allow couscous to boil, continually stirring. Let cook for about 10 minutes. During this time, prepare your patties. When the couscous is finished, fluff it with a fork. While your couscous is cooking, add your kale into the other pot of water. Season with salt. Allow kale to cook for about 6 minutes.

MID GAME

Combine your worcestershire sauce and your ground bison. Mix until thoroughly combined. Separate the ground bison into four sections. Take each of the sections, roll them into a ball, and flatten them each into patties. Press the patties firmly. Set a skillet on high heat and add in half of your olive oil. SALT THE WOUND Season the patties with salt and pepper. Sear each side of the patty, and then reduce the heat to medium. Cook each side for about 5 minutes or until desired doneness.

LATE GAME

Begin to shape your Psycho Class Mod: place kale on a plate. Arrange the kale in a circle. Place few scoops of couscous over the kale. Mold the couscous into a circle and make sure that the couscous circle is smaller than the kale circle. Using a fork or a spoon, slowly mold the couscous into the shape of a saw blade. Place a bison patty on top of the couscous saw blade. Cut a slice of heirloom tomato and slowly carve a Vault symbol into the slice. Place the vault symbol slide on the bison patty. Eat!

GG, Psycho!

Now, if you’re still sane after making this meal, then GOOD FOR YOU! Get your meat-sleeves back on, light yourself on fire, and start rampaging back on Pandora. Well, figuratively speaking… Don’t actually do that, unless you are indeed Krieg.