Spanking in the bedroom has become so commonplace that many people have tried it (giving and receiving) without a lot of thought to the whys and hows of it; however when it comes to sexy spanking, it pays not to take a slap-dash approach. Here are top tips for beginners who want to get spanked or spank their partner!

Why Does Spanking Feel So Good?

There can be both mental and physical reasons why a smart bottom can be enjoyable to give and receive during sex. Psychologically, a lot of us into kinks that are a bit naughty and taboo, and the idea of being spanked (which is taboo) for being naughty or taboo is just meta way to think about this particular sexual play.

For exploring D/s power dynamics and kinky role play, spanking is one of the easiest ways to dip your toe into kinky waters: all it takes is a willing hand and bottom, plus some momentum. Oh, and aim; aim is very important during impact play, but we’ll address that below.

As to why the physical sensation can be so pleasurable during sex, it all has to do with the release of dopamine, which makes us feel happy and shows up when we feel pain, leading to that fine line of something ‘hurting so good’ that John Cougar Mellencamp sang about.

Additionally, when you’re spanking someone’s bum, it happens to be close to the body equipment we tend to use during sex. In both sex and foreplay, a lot of blood courses through these areas and a sharp slap to the derriere actually increases blood flow and, as a result, arousal.

Rules of the Rump

There are some general spanking rules and etiquette to follow in order to make sure everyone involved stays slap-happy (in addition to the usual conversations about desires, safe words and limits that we know all of you have with your partner because you’re wonderful folks):

Strikes should be focused on the lower (meatier) part of the butt cheeks and upper thighs

Follow each spank with a light caress of the slapped area (this isn’t just about being tender while you tenderize; switching between light and soft sensations during play make for fun teasing and help keep the spankee from going numb).

Don’t slap hard enough to leave a hand print – unless permission is given

Make sure to remove jewelry like rings, bracelets, watches and that Fitbit you got for Christmas but haven’t actually used.

Your Slap Map

To reiterate―it’s best as a beginner to stick to the butt and thighs, as even gentle ‘love taps’ to the genitals are something left to advanced play.

When it comes to where to spank someone on the bottom, it can vary from person to person exactly where they want to be slapped, hence why communication is key. Generally, if you were to bisect a butt horizontally (that is, perpendicular to the crack) stick to the bottom half―that is, the part you would cup with your hand if giving your loved one a friendly squeeze.

Never spank someone near their tailbone or spine. It’s painful and extremely dangerous to engage in any sort of impact play around spine, kidneys or other vital organs.

Tips for Taps

Get in a position that offers the spanker a lot of range of motion and a clear view. The two best positions for spanking are to have the spankee on all fours with the spanker behind them, or to have the spanker sit on the edge of bed with their partner lying across the spanker’s lap, stomach down. A pillow can be placed under the stomach to prop up their hips to help with your aim and provide some shock absorption for the recipient of the spank.

Start soft. Beginning with a bottom massage of gentle strokes and soft tickling of their butt cheeks before starting builds the anticipation of the first strike and the jolt from soft to stinging will have their full attention.

Add a toy or two. Using an insertable toy such as LYLA 2 in the vagina or TANO 2 in the anus of the spankee makes for the extra erotic stimulation that helps spanking feel more sexy and less ouchy.

Ass-Slap Accoutrements

Speaking of the top tools of the trade for tackling sexy spanking, while most us start by using our hand, that doesn’t mean that you need to move on to using something else; each implement has its own pros, cons, and particular sensation that can be favored by either party.

Your Hand

Accurate, free, and capable of switching us the sensation depending on how you cup your hand.

Paddles

Paddles (or, ‘hairbrushes*’ for the frugally-minded) are widely available in a number of materials like wood, metal or leather to vary the sensations, and offer a much more assertive slap than the hand, and tends to be less sting-y than whips. It’s best to start a spanking session with the hand and the buildup tension before using a paddle.

Whips & Floggers

Whips and floggers come in different lengths, shapes and materials, all offering a different type of sting. If you’re unsure, there are plenty of online resources different kinds of sensation, and trying them out can be half the fun!

* We mean the flat side. Unless the receiver is into the pokey side; you do you.