I use Twitter like the world’s dumbest diary. I check in daily just to share some stupid thoughts, or look at memes, or see what article we’re all collectively mad about. I talk to real-life friends there, too. I have about 15,000 followers.

The day Anthony Bourdain died, on 8 June, I tweeted: “We’re talking about how Anthony Bourdain had big dick energy which is what he would have wanted.” It’s a phrase I’d used with friends to refer to guys who aren’t that great but for whatever reason you still find attractive. The tweet got a normal amount of attention and as it was a phrase I’d used before, I didn’t think about it again.

Maybe a month later I saw another Twitter user write about Ariana Grande’s boyfriend, Pete Davidson, and how he had “big dick energy”. I kept seeing that tweet, but because the nature of Twitter means no one has ownership over their ideas, I put it out of my mind. But then Grande referenced the size of Davidson’s penis in a tweet and it springboarded to everyone talking about (the now abbreviated) BDE. Overnight, it became part of pop culture. People were tweeting about it, creating memes, writing articles trying to explain it. I was just like, “Guys, it’s not that nuanced or deep.” I didn’t understand the obsession. I mean, I guess it’s catchy: B, D and E rhyme. And my peers are comfortable talking about energy and auras.

The more I read other people writing about what it means, I started to get pissed off. None of the articles credited me. The Twitter user who wrote the Davidson tweet started saying she coined it. One of my friends was like, “Excuse me, you did not!” She apologised and said she got caught up in the excitement.

You don’t need a dick to have it. Beyoncé’s the pinnacle of BDE

Some of the articles were dead-ass wrong. BDE has less to do with confidence and more to do with personality and how you carry yourself. And you don’t need a dick to have it. Beyoncé’s the pinnacle of BDE. Diplo said he had it and originally I was like, “You do not.” But I saw he has a really dumb tattoo of a dinosaur, and anyone who’s able to pull that off has a huge dick. I don’t have BDE. I own the Hamilton soundtrack and anybody who owns that can’t have it. But what I think doesn’t matter. I realised everyone has their own definition; that’s just how the internet works.

It sucks because I made zero dollars from it. Well, almost zero. New York magazine sold slogan BDE T-shirts and were nice enough to give me the profits, of about $250. A while ago the Oxford English Dictionary cited the tweet about Davidson as starting it. I DM’d them, saying, “You’re wrong!” Then it made their word of the year shortlist and they were still saying the same thing about its origin. They credit me now.

I’d love to move on, but the culture won’t let me. Ariana Grande’s new video for Thank U, Next has a scene with a guy in a UPS uniform, but instead of saying UPS it says BDE. The phrase is utterly useless to me and it doesn’t even matter that I coined it; I’m still poor. But my friends are excited and I love that. And I stand by my original tweet: it’s what Anthony Bourdain would have wanted.

As told to Candice Pires

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