We might as well go ahead and cancel all the local news broadcasts around the country and replace them with reruns of Friends or Everybody Loves Raymond or whatever other syndicated sitcom affiliates can get their hands on, because we have officially found the greatest possible story. I hope you are sitting down.

A 10-year-old boy with Down Syndrome reported missing in Marion County overnight has been found. The family said Kyle Camp was watching television around 4:30 p.m. Tuesday before he went missing. They searched for him until 7 p.m. and then called police. Dozens of volunteers and the sheriff’s department searched for the boy all night. Officials said at one point, at least 150 volunteers were searching for the boy. […]

Wait for it.

A volunteer searcher said he followed his family dog along a creek in thick brush and found the dog’s puppies with the boy around 9:30 a.m. Wednesday. “I heard the dogs barking again and followed him down there and started hollering for the puppies and I hollered for him and he hollered back. He was in the creek about a half a mile over the ridge,” said searcher Jamie Swinney. […]

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait for it…

Officials said the boy was wet and had no shoes. They think the puppies kept him warm overnight.

They think the puppies kept him warm overnight.

They think the puppies kept him warm overnight.

They think the puppies — THE PUPPIES — kept him — A BOY WITH DOWN SYNDROME WHO WAS RESCUED AFTER GETTING LOST IN THE WOODS — warm overnight.

THEY THINK THE PUPPIES KEPT HIM WARM OVERNIGHT.

Shut it down, people. We can’t do any better today.

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