How to know it’s true love. (my personal opinions).

I wanted to write about this topic because I feel like google isn’t very helpful. If you google “how to know love is real” you’ll probably find answers like “you always think about them”. Just because someone is on your mind definitely does not mean you are in love. True love runs deeper than that. This might be lengthy but I can’t describe love in only a few sentences so bear with me.

Feeling Love

People always say “you just know”. Even though that is the most annoying and unhelpful advice, it’s true. I had a boyfriend years ago, and I did like him at the time, but I never said I love you to him because part of me wasn’t sure if I did. If you’re unsure, then it’s most likely not love. I loved the idea of having someone, we talked all day, and I did think about him a lot but looking back on it, it wasn’t love, it was attachment. It’s really easy to get in the routine of talking to the same person every day, and it’s easy to mistake comfort for love. Your mind, heart, gut, and soul should all be in sync when you’re with “the one”. You should be able to feel with your entire being that you love this certain someone and it shouldn’t feel like something is missing. For me personally, what I use to think “love” felt like was happy, anxious, and eager to see how long it would last. What true love feels like to me now is magical, overwhelming (in a good way), and i’m not concerned with how long it will last because it doesn’t feel like there could be an end to it. When I think about the future I don’t think “Will he be in it still”, but I think “What will we be up to”. It seemed like with previous relationships I was more interested in how long we would last as a couple, not because I wanted that specific person, but because I wanted to have somebody. Saying we wanted to be together was easier than admitting we actually just didn’t want to be alone. But the truth is, you have to be happy being alone before knowing who you truly love. Loving yourself first is extremely important and I don’t care how many times you’ve already heard that. You could love having a person’s company and attention without actually loving the person.

Loving

Loving somebody is shown through actions. If you love someone during times you don’t particularly want to, that’s real love. Relationships will never be perfect all the time and they shouldn’t be. How a couple handles an argument is a good way to see what type of love they really have. Healthy couples don’t turn against each other when the roads get rocky. It shouldn’t be a fight, it should just be a disagreement and your intention should be to find an agreement rather than to “win the fight”. It’s not you vs. your spouse, its you and your spouse vs. the problem. Pay attention to how you are with your partner after a disagreement, do you kiss and make up and work on fixing the issue to keep things moving forward? Do you storm out of the room and ignore the argument altogether? Do you cuss each other out? If it’s not the first solution, really think about if the relationship is healthy.

Learning how to love them the way they want

Everybody has their own love language. One thing I did was learn about my current boyfriend’s love language so I can make sure im showing him the type of love he needs. Loving somebody is thinking about what you can do to make sure they are always happy and feeling loved by you. You have to support them. If you really love them, their needs will never be a burden to you. It should not be difficult for you to show someone your efforts of making sure they are loved.

Real love never burns out

Not to get poetic, but true love sets a fire inside you that will never burn out. It will never burn out because if your partner really loves you, he/she will keep relighting that fire because it’s important to them that you always feel that love. Loving someone is the most selfless thing you can do because everything you do for them is for their happiness, not yours. A real healthy and loving relationship looks like two people doing their best to always make sure their partner is happy and loved the way they want to be.

Remember:

Anybody can look good. Anyone can say nice loving things to you. These are very surface level things that you could find anywhere. Real love is someone who cares to love you the way you need to be loved, and somebody who you want to return those same efforts to. It is an everyday commitment to love someone, if you do it properly you will be fulfilled in your relationship.

To end this, I want to show just a few examples of how Alex shows his love to me. Pay attention to how people show love through the little things.

He sets his alarm every morning at 7:30 in case mine doesn’t go off because he doesn’t want me running late to work

He will save me a spot on the street so that when I come home from work im not looking for a parking spot too long

He will buy me mentos in bulk because they’re my favorite candy

He learns about what I think my flaws are, and tries to get me to love them as much as he does

He is extra sweet to me on my bad days, even if im being an annoying little grump

He takes my feelings to consideration with everything

He will never start to drive until I have confirmed my seatbelt is on

He blows out the candle by my bed after ive fallen asleep because I like to fall asleep to it while it’s still lit

He always makes sure I have a water by my bedside before I go to sleep

Notice that none of these things really benefit him.

Alex does not have to do any of these things, but he does it because he loves me.

If someone asks you to write a list showing how loving your partner is, it should be more than “they’re nice, they can make me laugh, they’re cute”, Anybody could have those things. True Love is unique, special, and takes a lot of effort. True love fulfills you and never drains you, it knows all of your flaws but accepts them, and it admires you but never possesses you.

When you choose someone to be with, don’t think about whether they are cute, successful, or will impress your family and friends. None of that matters, at all. Pick the person whose soul you want next to yours when you are old and ugly and can’t do anything but sit next to each other. Pick the person whose company will never get old even when you do.

That’s my take on true love.

I hope it was helpful. Thank you for reading, I pray that you each find true love and happiness in your life! Comment below any thoughts you took away from this.

