As far as moral attributes go, humility is one of the toughest to access. On one hand, we just assume we are humble, which is ironic. And on the other hand, we are so afraid to talk about humility. It seems arrogant to mention ourselves at all. As if we lose humility as soon as we acknowledge it. And the result is we don’t ever talk about humility or pursue it with intention. It becomes something we hope (or assume) is true about us. But believe there is nothing we can do to practice it.

And it makes us feel as if any sort of self-expression or self-awareness is narcissism. As if any consideration for our own good disqualifies us from humility.

The Air of Humility

The result of all of this is that we live with internal inconsistencies we seldom name or notice. Have you ever noticed how readily you pick up the check when you can afford it but how much you will fight others who offer to do the same for you? We breathe this air of arrogance and egotism. It has become so much a part of our society that we hardly notice the detrimental side-effects of our toxic individualism.

Humility is not about them. And it is obviously not about ME. Humility is about a proper perspective around WE. US. Together. If you hide or apologize for yourself in community, this is not the measure of humility but of inverted pride. We play these games where we talk bad about ourselves as an act of “humility”. Degrading oneself is not humility. It is a manipulative sort of pride.

The air of true humility happens in the atmosphere of community. We can only be truly humble by participating in relationships. We ignore humility in our power grabs and self-worship. But we pervert humility in our hiding and self-condemnation. We cannot be humble alone. It takes community to be humble.

True Humility

Even so, we are ready to pervert humility and use it for our selfish ambition. We are ready and capable of tricking ourselves and hiding behind a mask of false humility.

The test of true humility is our ability to listen to others. Most of us spend entire conversations just waiting for our turn to speak. This is the nature of pride. We devalue what everyone else has to say. We impatiently count the seconds until it is our turn. Sometimes the impatience is so intense, we interrupt one another. And then we overcorrect. We realize we’ve been talking a lot so we decide not to say anything else. We still aren’t truly listening. We are still in our own heads. The conversation is still about ME and my contribution. It is a different manifestation of pride.

Most of us approach human conversation (and indeed, all human interaction) as a chance to achieve affirmation. To be adored and prove ourselves worthy. We long for the chance to show what we know, and to impress others. We beat our brow wondering what the people in the group are thinking about us and what we have to say. We feel responsible for every silence. We are trapped in our own selves.

Humility is the cure for our pride. It allows us the focus and curiosity necessary to truly listen. This is the test of humility – do we care what others have to say? Do we value their contributions to the communities and relationships we participate in? Does it matter to us what they are saying and why?

Or are we annoyed when it isn’t our turn to speak? Do we feel others drone on and never get to the point? Do we worship what we have to say over and above what others might contribute?

The irony is that listening well gives us the freedom to contribute properly. It takes the pressure of being on trial off the table. It allows us to be heard and to hear, to pursue the mission together.

Humility is this: when the mission matters more than the ME. It takes all of us, in unity, to pursue the missions of our lives. Purpose is a team activity. Humility is learning to both contribute and absorb, to teach and learn, in equal portion.