Giving the recent news, here’s another track by track battle about that band with the socks on their-

Well, since Newman cut me off, let’s get started!

1. “Good Time Boys” v “Warped”

“Good Times Boys” is a good song, strong solo by John, but this is very easy for me, “Warped” is a wicked track, dark, trippy, heavy, awesome solo from Dave.

“Warped” for the win on opening tracks.

2. “Higher Ground” v “Aeroplane”

Though I love “Aeroplane”, it’s a great single and I especially love the bridge leading into the final chorus (though I could do without the kid choir), “Higher Ground” is a classic song and an awesome cover of an already classic Stevie Wonder track. So this one, I give to “Higher Ground”.

3. “Subway To Venus” v “Deep Kick”

I love both songs, but I’m going with “Deep Kick” on this. The dark, smokey atmosphere of the intro, the reminiscing of all the crazy misadventures from their youth, I love this track and it’s one of my favorite Chili Peppers songs.

4. “Magic Johnson” v “My Friends”

“My Friends” has a decent solo from Dave, but this is total schlock otherwise, this is Anthony trying so hard to recreate “Under The Bridge” which he kept doing for years and years and years, and the band has yet to leave that territory. I remember waiting for I’m With You and hoping that with Flea studying music theory and the Brian Wilson wannabe being out of the band, they’d finally leave that territory, but I was wrong, that album ended up being weak as fuck (though still better than the last two with John).

Back to the songs at hand, “My Friends” is a feeble cut and “Magic Johnson” is dumb but I LOVE it, it’s such a fun song. And I could give a fuck less about basketball.

Mother’s Milk gets another one.

5. “Nobody Weird Like Me” v “Coffee Shop”

I’m going with “Coffee Shop”, which is state-of-the-art funk metal, slamming bass line, wicked guitar work, and I love that little jam in the middle. “Nobody Weird Like Me”, I like the guitar outro, but it’s always been a fairly middling tune for me otherwise.

6. “Knock Me Down” v “Pea”

“Knock Me Down” is a song a lot of people really love and a lot of fans clamor for the band to play it, I don’t like it. I’ve always found it to be a boring song, that chick singer trying to be “Great Gig In The Sky” is so pretentious, and John, he’s an okay backing singer, but I do not like his voice. His voice almost always reeks of a guy trying to be something he’s not, like if Riki Rachtman was a singer. His voice has no personality, and his falsetto is so horrid and strainy, how can anyone sit there and say that shit is good?

“Pea” is total filler, but it’s fun filler, it’s a goofy, quirky little song. Under most circumstances it would lose, but here, I’m going with “Pea”.

Yeah, I’m going with “Pea”, deal with it.

7. “Taste The Pain” v “One Big Mob”

It’s somewhat close, but I’m going with “Taste The Pain” on this one. Love the trumpet solo by Flea, the band is super tight, Anthony is in strong form here, there’s a sense of melancholy and yet, a sense of resilience about it too. My favorite song off Mother’s Milk by far. I love “One Big Mob” too, but I give it to “Taste The Pain”.

8. “Stone Cold Bush” v “Walkabout”

No contest, “Walkabout”, my favorite song off One Hot Minute. Such a smooth, trippy track, so funky and sultry, very much like something ol Slim would do, but still feels quintessentially Dave. “Stone Cold Bush” has some fairly ripping guitar work, but it’s a so so tune otherwise.

9. “Fire” v “Tearjerker”

Hm. I do love both, and I really hate going against Mr Huckleberry. “Tearjerker”, the spoken word part is super pretentious and the f bomb is completely jarring (and not in a good way either), but it’s a strong cut otherwise and a nice tribute to Kurt Cobain. “Fire” is a cool cover, if nowhere near the original.

Very tight battle, but going with “Fire”.

10. “Pretty Little Ditty” v “One Hot Minute”

While “Pretty Little Ditty” is a nice little instrumental, I’m going with “One Hot Minute”.

11. “Punk Rock Classic” v “Falling Into Grace”

Again, no contest, “Falling Into Grace”. Very underrated cut, and it’s never been played live. So let’s move onto the next track.

12. “Sexy Mexican Maid” v “Shallow Be Thy Game”

“Sexy Mexican Maid”, it’s an okay song, and on a shitty album it would be a highlight. But again, “Shallow Be Thy Game” just for Navarro’s solo alone.

13. “Johnny Kick A Hole In The Sky” v “Transcending”

“Transcending” is an epic song, beautiful and soothing before the total freak out at the end, it is an exceptional way to end the album. “Johnny” is beyond irritating. So this is very easy.

And to round it up, One Hot Minute wins 9-4. I do like Mother’s Milk, don’t love it like the rest of the world, but I do think it’s a good album. One Hot Minute, while not a perfect album, is still a pretty killer record and probably the last time I give a shit about these guys aside from the odd track here and there. Until then, chow!