ARLINGTON, VA—Touting the extensive safety precautions, routine maintenance, and limited congestion, a report published Friday by the American Transportation Research Institute revealed that drug tunnels are now the most intact and reliable form of transport infrastructure in the United States. “The nation’s drug-smuggling tunnels have benefited from large-scale investments in new technology, high-quality materials, and regular repairs, leaving them in far better condition than U.S. railways, ports, bridges, and interstates,” the report read in part, which praised the state-of-the-art rail systems in many tunnels for efficiently ferrying narcotics with few, if any, malfunctions. “With advanced ventilation systems to keep fresh air circulating and well-lit passages to prevent accidents, these tunnels are a modern engineering feat, the likes of which are virtually unseen elsewhere in the U.S. transit network.” The report concluded by noting that, with scores of new construction projects underway, U.S. drug tunnels are also the fastest-growing transport infrastructure in the country.

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