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Nowadays, the term refers to the hordes of people that fetishize Asian people sexually and romantically. We see this occurring most often between white men and Asian women, and yes — it really does have an impact.

If you’ve gotten to a point where all your suitors are coming at you because they’ve decided to stuff you into their “little Asian wife” box, then it starts to hurt.

A lot.

It manifests on all different levels, big to small.

Even when I post a selfie somewhere, some white John Doe always likes it. I can’t help but feel a little disgusted; of course, white people are capable of having good intentions and being innocuous, but there’s a part of me that’s been socially conditioned to question if they see me or just sees an Asian girl.

On a larger scale, it shows up by way of romantic interests. The most disgusting set of phrases you could ever utter to me is “I love Asians,” “I’m only attracted to Asians,” “I had an Asian girlfriend once,” or any other variant really.

That tells me a couple things.

First of all, it tells me that you didn’t really give a shit about that “Asian” girlfriend. What the fuck is an “Asian” girlfriend? What ethnicity is “Asian”? I’m Chinese, and if you think that dating, say, a Korean or Filipino person somehow “qualifies” you to be my significant other, then you really have to pay more attention to anything you might’ve learned while being with that person at all.

Are white people going around telling other white people, “Oh, I’ve dated a white person before”?

Whenever someone tells me they like “Asian girls,” all it does for me is conjure images of gross fetishistic pornos with generic schoolgirl costumes, a gross amalgamation of all of East Asia, and an undertone of subservience. That’s not what a significant other should be, and honestly, that’s not something you should ever think of another person as.

Asian women are people, and they’re not for your consumption. They’re not here to teach you their language or customs and fall in love alongside that. They’re not “real life anime characters” (ew, ew, ew, ew), and they’re not all “good little sheltered girls.” You’re not here to bring out this girl’s “wild streak.”

She’s fine, thank you, and doesn’t want you to parade her around like a trophy.

I understand that in the West, we have the disgusting narrative of the foreign Asian girl who acts as a catalyst for a white man’s spiritual journey — but, please, in real life they’re not here to grind on you under artsy pink lighting in an apartment in Japan. They’re not going to lead you down busy Tokyo streets and smile enigmatically at you, and they’re not a plot device for your sick story.

The most harmful and frustrating stereotype of Asian girls is the docile geisha one.

First of all, geisha are a Japanese thing and are far more complicated than giggling “entertainers.” Secondly, what the hell? I’m going to fight every single person that comes at any of my Asian girls with this mindset.

It just baffles me that anyone likes to exotify Asian women. If our race is your kink, you better take a step back and re-evaluate. Do you think it’s our “oppressive culture” that attracts you? Because you’re not the white savior for any Asian girl, you’re more like an annoying demon. Are we “beautiful”? “Perfect”? “Goddesses”? Because, in my experience, that type of Asian fetishist has one ideal of beauty, and it’s pale and skinny Asian girls with straight black hair and blunt bangs.

Asian girls, on the other hand? Not like that at all.

Not every Asian girl is going to be your cute little stereotype, and honestly, the fact that these people are into the idea of innocent and prepubescent looking women is disgusting.

There are big Asian girls out there, dark Asian girls, Asian girls with mono-lids, Asian girls who aren’t girls, mixed Asian girls, the list goes on.

You’re telling an entire generation of Asian women that if they want to be beautiful, they have to be white or they have to be That One Specific Asian and that’s not OK.

And if one of the stereotypes for Asian girls is “sexy,” then there’s a problem. They are not your sex objects. Don’t look at them with eyes that analyze their bodies and equates them vessels for your pleasure. Growing up, all I knew from media about Asian women was that they were there to rape and to romance. I can’t search “Asian” or “Asian girl” without porn popping up, and I swallow hard every time it happens. In fact, I just searched “Asian women” on Google Images right now and I really don’t suggest you do that unless you’re one of these fetishists. Almost all of them are scantily clad, and I even see a “geisha” with her dress just covering her nipples.

Literally. So. GROSS.

They are not your overseas sex trade, the hyper sexual foreign “Lotus”. Asian women are not your “chinky” prostitute, schoolgirl, geisha, whatever the fuck you’ve deemed takes power away from them and gives to you. Do not feed them your love and assume you’re saving them from imaginary slights by their culture.

Fuck your fetish.

Fuck your likes on social media.

Screw your thoughts of talking over them, of their supposed subservience.

Asian women are not your personal, real life, Knives Chau.