“This category is about something that everyone is doing… we are doing it, you are doing it, everyone is making their own Stoner Schematics. Wait! You might be asking yourself, what in the hell is this… Stoner Schematic? Well I am glad that you subconsciously reached into your head and spat out a question such as this for us. Stoner Schematics are Stoner’s (‘hence the name’) Schematics (blueprints, instructions, whatever your vernacular…). It is what the Stoner creates, be it cannabutter, some crazy rolling technique, or even just a great way to blow smoke… that is a Stoner Schematic.” ——–> Got suggestions for schematics? E-mail Dignan

Recently, the heavens opened up unto me to reveal this grand masterpiece submitted by Dubteeff, a regular user on the Trees subreddit, known as the Time Bomb. While its origins are uncertain at the moment, Dubteeff has been kind enough to present to us his method for preparing the Time Bomb. Appropriately named like something straight out of an H.G. Wells novel, this Stoner Schematic is bound to be an upcoming craze in smoking circles, dare I say, the next cross joint. To quote Saul Silver from Pineapple Express, “This is it, man. This is what your grandchildren are gonna be smoking.” If you want to create one for yourself follow these steps to success; however, please stay cautious of retrocausality.

Step One – Prepare the Herb

Grind up your finest green prior to preparing the bowl. Grinding the cannabis beforehand will allow you to pack the bowl tighter and maintain an even burn throughout the session. Some people will say grinding crushes up the trichomes, thus diminishing the quality of the marijuana, but most grinders have a kief container to collect this residue afterwards for other sessions or purposes, so no harm no foul. Really it is impossible to preserve the trichomes without damaging them in one way or another, the question is, would you rather get those trichomes all over your fingers or scissors, which will be hard to recover, or would you rather utilize a grinder, which will compartmentalize the plant material using a fancy screen system? Either way, you will need some bud to be broken up.

Step Two – Set the Time Bomb

Now that you have ground up some pot, let’s move on to the next step, setting up the Time Bomb. First, you will need to roll a blunt or joint, as this will be the centerpiece in the Time Bomb. Dubteeff personally recommends utilizing the inside out joint method, because it makes the joint taste less like paper. Check out the YouTube video below on how to roll an inside out joint if you are unfamiliar with the technique. Next, take the bowl of your bong and place it on a table vertically, then position the joint inside the bowl at a perpendicular angle or at about 90 degrees. Make sure not to leave a screen in the bowl as this obstruction will keep the joint from sitting properly.

Step Three – Pack the Time Bomb

Pack the joint into the bowl by filling the ganja you ground from earlier around each side equally. This part can be tricky, so do not hesitate to get a little help from your friends. Continue to fill the bowl until you reach the top rim. Confirm the joint is securely seated by wiggling it a little bit, as the last thing you want is for a scorching joint to topple into the floor in the middle of a sesh.

Step Four – Go back in Time

Finally, spark up the joint and smoke it through the bong until it reaches the end. Once the joint is done burning it will engulf the rest of the bowl, resulting in a typhoon of sapid smoke shotgunning down your throat. If one wanted to up the ante, you could employ two different types of cannabis in the joint versus the bowl, in order to swirl multiple types of tastes together.

Optional Hash Variant

If you are feeling extraordinarily adventurous, you can attempt the Time Bomb hash variant, which entails taking a string of hash and spiraling it around the base of the joint to offer extra security and another level of high. In short, this is the icing on the cake, the cherry on top, the whipped cream layered onto your scrumptious pumpkin pie.

Conclusions on the Time Bomb

As if the Doc has allowed you to take a spin in the DeLorean, sparking up this Time Bomb will catapult you straight to 88 mph, igniting the flux capacitor, and sending you hurling forward through time at the speed of Superman. I would like to thank Dubteeff for his creative submission, including the pictures, as every contribution shared builds the community and spreads significant innovations in smoking technologies. Even though it was not his original invention, his execution was spot on. Certainly, the Time Bomb will be added to my repertoire for the future to come.