When the Gastonguay family sailed away from America in May, they believed they were leaving behind a government that supports taxes, abortion, and homosexuality. You see, they’re the kind of Christians who feel persecuted because the government won’t adhere to Biblical law that supposedly outlaws gays and bans a woman’s right to choose. They are also convinced that government controls the churches because being gay and choosing to have an abortion aren’t illegal. So they left the United States in protest and set course for the island of Kiribati, which is between Hawaii and Australia. The family took “a leap of faith” and believed God would answer their prayers to take them to a land where they can practice their extreme and hateful religious beliefs. Well, God responded and it was epic.

The Gastonguay family swiftly got lost at sea and remained that way for 91 days. During that period of time, their vessel was battered again and again by squalls and storms. The only food they had left consisted of honey and juice.

According to Raw Story,

A Canadian cargo ship spotted them and offered them some supplies. But the large ship bumped into the small boat, resulting in even more damage. With their supplies running low, they were eventually picked up by a Venezuelan fishing vessel that spotted them. The captain said, ‘Do you know where you’re at? You’re in the middle of nowhere,’” Gastonguay told the Associated Press.

Upon being rescued by the fishing boat, they were transferred to a Japanese cargo ship which arrived in Chile two weeks later. The US Embassy there then arranged for the family to be flown back home to Arizona, presumably on the government’s dime, which wouldn’t be possible without taxes. Taxes also pay the US Coast Guard, which gladly kept relatives informed of where the Gastonguays were and how they were doing. One thing that taxes do not pay for is abortion, all because of the Hyde Amendment which forbids federal tax dollars from being used to fund the procedure.

As for homosexuality and abortion, both are protected by the Constitution. The Constitution, which unlike the Bible is the true law of the land in America, protects the equal rights of all people, even a gay person’s right to get married and be treated fairly. It also protects women’s privacy and personal liberty, thus protecting the right to choose. Also, if the Gastonguays actually paid attention, they would know that churches aren’t controlled by the state due to the fact that there is a wall of separation between the two. Churches aren’t taxed either.

To be sure, the Gastonguay family had a long and eventful journey. But their story makes one wonder why more conservative Christians aren’t following their lead. Surely they would enjoy living in other nations such as Russia, where gays are outlawed. Or Somalia, where government is powerless and guns are everywhere. Or perhaps they’d be much happier in Iran, where women are oppressed and there is a state religion. Or maybe even North Korea, where the poor starve and massive military budgets are the norm.

See a pattern? All of these nations have values that run contrary to our constitutional ideals but fall in line with the ideals of the extremist conservatives of today. America would more than likely be much better off if conservatives sailed away like the Gastonguays to places where they can feel right at home oppressing people and forcing their beliefs on others. Then they can stop bitching about taxes, gays, and women’s rights, and the rest of us can get on with moving this country forward.