If you are white, don’t bother sending David Oyelowo, star of Selma and Spooks, an on-screen friend request – he’s just not that into you.

“Don’t send me a script if you want me to play the best black friend. I just won’t do that,” the Golden-Globe-winning actor explained in an interview on NPR. “Roles that basically feed into a stereotype of what it means to be black … You can feel when it’s literally an afterthought. It’s disrespectful and, for me, I’m either part of the solution or I’m part of the problem.”

David Oyelowo: UK doesn't tell stories with heroic black characters Read more

Oyelowo is no stranger to making difficult points about race in films. He has previously complained about the lack of heroic characters available to black actors. It’s a sign of how well Oyelowo’s career is going that he can turn down work especially when the black best friend (BBF) is among Hollywood’s most enduring roles.

The Lone Ranger had Tonto; Rick had Sam in Casablanca; Shrek even had his donkey (voiced by Eddie Murphy). As with everything that endures, the BBF serves a purpose. Wherever there is a white (or green) hero who needs a little cultural spice, along comes a BBF to show that our hero is OK. Giving your hero a best friend from a different ethnicity tells the audience that he/she is relaxed about race and is welcoming to all. You get to add some of the perceived “cool” of a minority community without having to deal with too much of the boring discrimination stuff. BBFs also give the filmmaker cultural capital. It’s OK to have stereotypical bad black guys doing stereotypically bad things if you’ve already made it clear that there are some good ones out there. It’s the cinematic equivalent of saying “some of my best friends are black”.

In real life, cross-cultural friendships make the world go around. They are three dimensional, life enriching and teach both parties something about the experience of other. They allow you to cut through the awkwardness and ask impolite questions.

Most black people are familiar with the over-friendly, instant buddy. Someone who assumes a level of intimacy that you don’t yet have. They tell you about their drug-taking habits before you’ve told them your name. They assume you are less formal than other colleagues and fist bump you in corridors. They have an idea of what you are like and how to approach you based, in part, on BBFs.

At times, when having these sorts of encounters, I have thought: “If people want to assume that I’m automatically friendly or cool why not take advantage of these prejudices for once?”

The sad fact is that unlike on-screen BBFs, these sorts of friendships are often short-lived and mutually unfulfilling. I am just not the jive-talking break dancer that they need.

Screen BBFs are usually less problematic. The continued lack of diversity behind the camera means that these black roles are sometimes wafer thin. Often the only black face in the cast, the BBF has to represent everything the writer wants to say about an entire race. BBFs often have very little life of their own and seem to exist to be black and to be friends with the hero. They often speak and act in a hyper-racialised way and provide the comedy which is a break from all of the serious heroic stuff the main character does.

So how do you know if your character has entered the black best friend zone?

1. If you are a regular character in a show but your name is just letters or a “street name”, you might be a BBF. The A-Team had BA Baracus, Magnum PI had TJ and McNulty in The Wire had Bunk.

2. If you talk jive or in broken English even though everyone around you doesn’t, you might be a BBF. Think of the early films of Eddie Murphy or Richard Pryor or virtually anything with Chris Tucker.

3. If you are wise, confident and funny but have no life goals of your own, other than making money, getting laid and serving the interests of your white friend, you might be a BBF. If you spend all of your time at your friend’s house and very little in your own home, the prognosis isn’t good.

As more black and Asian people are finding ways of telling their own stories on screen, the BBF may well become an endangered species. Hopefully his/her demise will make room for real friendships and authentic relationships. Back in the 80s, it was just a pleasant surprise to see a black character in a film or TV show who wasn’t committing a crime. It might be time for inter-racial friendships to move to the next level.

Maybe now we can be more than friends.