Gaining the trust of an INFJ is one of the most difficult things that one can do. It can take months, years even, to get an INFJ to feel confident enough in who you are to open up parts of themselves which they seldom even think about. To reach this point of full disclosure, however, they’ll continually assess you. They’ll assess how you handle conflict; they’ll assess how you handle depth and complexity; they’ll reveal tiny slivers of themselves that don’t even compare to the intricacy they hold inside, just in an effort to observe your reaction, and in order to vouch your possible response to other accounts. You probably won’t even notice this analysis, but, if you fail even one trial, an INFJ will rarely, if ever, trust you to the full extent.

After testing you multiple times, if an INFJ deems you worthy of their trust, they’ll gradually become more open and comfortable around you. They may display an outgoing persona, seeking out interest in who you are as a person. When it comes to verbally confessing something, though, severe hesitancy may reveal itself; they’ll fear your judgement to a great extent, hoping that you can eliminate this doubt. The first couple of times they try to confide in you, they may disclose the fact that you’re the only one who knows this about them, or ask you not to tell anyone what they’ve told you. Their fear often resonates in this shaky uncertainty, a vulnerable side that exhibits just how much they desire to be able to reveal themselves to you. Break this innocent, hope-filled inclination, and you will scar everything they see in you up until this point, even if you passed all of their secret assessments.

If you manage to conquer these first few steps, the INFJ will expose you to a world of passion, caring and complexity of which is hardly imaginable. This is because, when INFJs do trust, they trust completely; you will be expected to uphold a standard that denounces the expectations for which they label others. When an INFJ trusts you, you are dubbed as royalty in their mind, as they will display an openness of which seemed almost impossible. When they place their confidence in you, it is to be regarded as the highest of honors; because, chances are, they’ve trusted people before but were all but betrayed. It is crucial that you wear this crown with pride and refrain from taking it for granted. They will reveal the depth and the beauty of their souls — little by little — for as long as they know you are worthy enough of receiving it. The INFJ will gift you a key of insight into the darkest and the brightest rooms of their minds, and it is to be treated with the utmost care and compassion.

Trust for an INFJ is a fragile thing; it is the most valuable piece of china that they own, and is easily broken. Thus, as you can imagine, shattering it will result in consequences. If you surrender the trust of an INFJ after retaining it for any amount of time, you are impeding on the harmony and sanctity of their mind. Their pain will run deeper than any ocean and burn longer than any fire. Feelings of resentment, hatred, emptiness, longing and deceit with rage rampant in their souls. You were valued higher than nearly all other beings, and an act of betrayal large enough to break the dams they’ve built for you will result in a flood of grief, loss and hurt. You will never be looked at the same, again. They will be well aware of their contributions to the relationship, knowing that they had pulled their end of the bargain — only to be completely dropped by the one they believed in the most.

It is your choice whether or not you feel regret at committing such an act of treason, but it is in the nature of the INFJ to blame themselves for trusting someone too much. INFJs are extremely independent creatures who seldom rely on others or divulge information about themselves to anyone. Often times they know who to trust and who will betray them based on the feeling they get from that person. An INFJ is usually able to pick up on cues from this individual through their dominant Ni, subconsciously deciding whether or not someone is worth the shot. They rely heavily on this intuition, knowing that it almost never fails them. So when someone betrays them without the INFJ having expected it in the slightest, they immediately reprimand themselves for not predicting it in the first place. They feel as though, if it was genuinely the fault of the other person, they would have known and prevented it from occurring at all.

An experience such as this is, ultimately, traumatic and life-altering for the INFJ. Typically unable to deal with conflict, they may not voice the torment and chaos that is raging inside, but it is important that you believe the fact that that they are truly, genuinely hurting. Often reverting back to their old ways of approaching people and relationships, an INFJ, after being betrayed, will once again censor their words, revealing nothing drastic about themselves and slowly rebuilding the wall broken down by their previous confidant. They will return to the process of waiting for months, year even: time spent testing, assessing and cautiously opening up; they may become hopeless enough to hide the entirety of who they are once again, detaching themselves from reality and struggling to cope with the actuality of their situation. Betrayal, for an INFJ, is their worst fear and the exact reason why they tend not to trust people in the first place.

Asking for the forgiveness of an INFJ or telling them you’re sorry will be regarded as a mere surface statement with no true value, for they are a firm believer in the fact that, if you do it once, you’ll do it again. Denouncing their own longing to have you back, the INFJ may force themselves to stay away for fear of being hurt a second time. They rarely believe in second chances. If they, for some reason, decide to give you another opportunity, treat it with extreme care. It means your INFJ has hope that you can change and become a better person. To them you are worth the pain, and they will sacrifice themselves in order to help you improve upon yourself for the future. You will not be trusted entirely, but they will, to an extent, be confident in their ability to confide in you. Betray them after this, however, and you will be given no more chances. You will most likely be cut off from your INFJ completely, who is regretting their naivety once again. They shouldn’t have trusted you, but they had hope in you regardless. Managing to shatter their belief after it has once been broken will leave your relationship with your INFJ chronically irreparable.

If you sincerely wish to develop a close relationship with your INFJ, nevertheless, treat them with genuine care, compassion and love, and they will prove to you that they are more than loyal. Patiently walk them through life and allow them to open up at their own will, learning to appreciate the fact that they are revealing a part of themselves at all. Do not knowingly betray your INFJ if you wish to maintain any sort of harmony, and, if you have to apologize, mean it. Change yourself to fit what you’re apologizing for. Do not do it again. Trust for an INFJ is a fragile thing; they don’t want to build walls to protect themselves, but they will if it is the only way to ensure that they won’t get hurt. Do not be the one to come along and ruin everything as they know it, as it will only result in the silent resentment and suffering of a being who is already so easily pained. INFJs are extremely loving, loyal creatures, and you will not regret being entirely faithful to them in the long run~~