Of all of the subplots to emerge from Donald Trump’s attempt to extort Ukraine for personal gain—the campaign to execute the whistle-blower’s sources, the detailed admissions by presidential allies that he did everything the House said he did, Rudy Giuliani’s podcast career, etc.—one of the most stupendous was the one in which Don Jr. and __Eric Trump__railed against Hunter Biden for the crime of trading on his father’s name. “I wish my name was Hunter Biden,” the elder Trump boy whined to Sean Hannity one night last October without a hint of self-awareness. “I could go abroad, make millions off of my father’s presidency—I’d be a really rich guy. It would be incredible.” Stopping by for a chat with Fox News’s Jeanine Pirro the same month, Eric sniveled, “If I was doing the same thing that that family was doing, I’d be in jail. Why is it that every family goes into politics and enriches themselves? We’re the only family—we stopped doing deals when my father became [president]…Guess what? All of these kids, they started doing deals when their families went into politics, and it’s sickening.”

The Trump boys, of course, currently run their family’s business, which was cofounded by their grandfather and is owned by their dad. They’ve both worked there since they were approximately 22 and 23 years old, and despite fairly sizable fuckups like launching Trump Mortgage in 2006 only to see it collapse less than a year later, have seen steady employment. They’re both worth roughly $25 million apiece, virtually all of which can be attributed to their father’s company. And, contrary to what they’ve claimed numerous times, they haven’t stopped doing deals since Donald Trump became president, and in fact continued to do deals all over the world. Perhaps just to put a fine point on it, shortly before Eric complained about “every family” going into politics to “enrich themselves,” Team Trump announced the G7 summit would be held at their Miami resort, only reversing the decision after deafening criticism they apparently didn’t see coming.

Yet despite the obvious limitations of Donny and Eric going after Hunter for trading on his father’s name and government gig, the president’s progeny have decided this line of attack has legs. Rather than consigning it to the dustbin of exquisitely stupid ideas to come out of the Trump family—somewhere next to Trump Steaks and Trump Taj Mahal, they apparently think it should be a focus of the 2020 election. We know this because, incredibly, Don Jr. has challenged Hunter Biden to the equivalent of a 21st-century duel, wherein two extremely privileged, middle-aged men duke it out to see who’s benefited the most from nepotism.

Speaking to Jim VandeHei for an Axios on HBO interview that aired last night, the president’s namesake proposed both he and the younger Biden release their tax returns and then “talk about all of the places where I am supposedly grifting but Hunter Biden isn’t…. Let’s talk about who profited off of whose public service. Happy to do it. Let’s make it happen.”

In real life, this is quite obviously never going to happen but oh what a real treat it would be if it did!

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