I barely got the kids to school today because Elliott and Emmett are struggling so much. This is so much worse this time around. I’m so frustrated because every single day is a nightmare now and the struggle is unbelievable.

When I had the boys to Akron Children’s Behavioral Health this week, we talked about how to help them manage. He explained that the boys had been traumatized in 2014 when their mom left and retraumatized when she left again in August. Unfortunately, there isn’t any medication that is going to fix this.

The only thing that will eventually help is time and lots of therapy. The problem at this point is that this trauma is so new and they still refuse to talk about it.

This is impacting every single aspect of their lives and I can’t do anything to take this burden away from them. I can’t explain how awful it feels to not be able to take away or even ease their pain.

Even worse is how frustrated I get every morning because school has become the bane of my existence. They can’t miss and it’s best that they go but I wish I didn’t have to force them. I feel so guilty everytime I have to do that because they want to be there but life is just too much for them right now.

This is something that would devastate any child but kids with Autism can struggle so much more for a million different reasons.

I’m exhausted, overwhelmed and more stressed out than I’ve been in years. My physical and emotional health are suffering and it’s even harder to do the things I need to in order to get both of those back on track. I’m struggling to manage my depression and that’s not a good thing either.

Currently, I’m waiting for the car to get out of service and I’ll probably have to go pick up Emmett because his mouth hurts so badly.

OMFG…I’m so ready to get off this ride, this turbulent emotional roller-coaster.