The Happier Days Formula: How to Engineer More Happiness into Your Life

Bad days are bound to happen.

Anyone who says that they’re happy all the time is flat-out lying to you or not actually human. Experiencing sadness, and a wide range of other, less attractive emotions, are a part of what makes us human.

Back in 2011, I had a lot of bad days. Many mornings, I would wake up depressed, anxious, and wondering if it was worth getting out of bed.

Ugh, what’s the point today?” is something I would ask myself a lot.

When most of your life is spent having bad days, that’s a sign that you need to reevaluate how you’re living. For me, it became clear that I wasn’t doing many things to contribute to my happiness. I had fallen into a rut and was wandering aimlessly through my days, mostly allowing others to dictate my schedule.

No more. I was sick and tired of waking up unhappy, dreading my days before they even began.

The Happier Days Formula

As an engineer, I’m a big fan of equations and repeatable formulas to spit out an expected result. If it worked for Bernoulli, then why couldn’t it work for my happiness?

After some personal experimentation and lots of tweaking, I found that the days I was happiest were those that factored in these 4 principles:

Doing more things that I genuinely enjoy doing

Doing less things that I hate

Spending time with uplifting people

Practicing gratitude

Each principle seems simple enough in theory, but in practice, is much more difficult to implement; otherwise, everyone would be running around as happy as they could be.

How can you implement these into your life? Let’s take a look.

1. Doing more things you genuinely enjoy doing

This one is fairly obvious – doing more things that make you happy, should make for happier days. Duh.

But, when was the last time you intentionally added something into your day just to improve your happiness? If you’re like the old me, that actually sounds pretty exhausting. My days were already filled to the brim with things I had to do.

But, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from being a giant sack of misery, it’s that for happiness’ sake, you must do things you enjoy.

What could you possibly add into your day that would make you happier?

For me, it was hoops with friends, playing chess with a close friend over lunch, and going out to eat with a girlfriend or my bros.

If you’re struggling to come up with ideas for things to do, try thinking back to activities you used to enjoy doing but for whatever reason don’t anymore.

Start with college and work your way back to grade school.

I used to love playing pick-up basketball in college and grade school, but was something I had gotten away from after graduating. It was a no-brainer that it made me a happier person (and was a heck of a workout), which is why I made it a staple during my weeks.

Action: Your turn. Come up with a list of potential things that you could do to brighten your day and then plan and schedule them into your calendar. Trust me, you will have time for them, especially after implementing the second happiness principle.

2. Doing less things that you hate

If you’re going to be adding enjoyable things into your day, that likely means you need to cut other stuff that you simply hate.

A good philosophy that I’ve adopted is one that I picked up from Derek Sivers, “If it’s not a ‘hell yes!’, then it’s a ‘hell no’.”

I realized quickly that part of my daily misery was because of two things:

Extracurricular things I was doing at work, mostly to impress my boss and appease my coworkers

Writing short, SEO-focused articles for other people as a freelancer

Both things were activities that lots of other people might enjoy – mingling with other people and making money. But for me, they weren’t a “hell yes!”, which meant that for my happiness, they were “hell no’s.”

Suddenly, I found myself having all kinds of free time in the evenings. With that time, I was able to start adding in more things I genuinely enjoyed into my life. After about a week, I’ll be damned if I wasn’t a good bit happier.

Action: What are some things you can cut from your day that you hate doing? Think about all the things you’re doing for others’ happiness and not your own. Note that this doesn’t mean you need to quit your job immediately if you hate it. That was an issue for me, and is eventually something I worked my way out of, but that requires more forward planning than just dropping it from your calendar.

3. Spending time with uplifting people

The famous quote, “you are the average of the 5 people you surround yourself with most” has been beaten to death by this point, so I’ll leave it at that.

Negative people have a way of draining your energy. During that dreaded 2011 year, not surprisingly I had a girlfriend who simply sucked the life out of me. She rarely had anything positive to say and was constantly finding something to complain about.

Young love be damned; I knew I needed out of that relationship. So, I did. After that, I started hanging around more of my college buddies that enjoyed similar things to me. People who I could have deep, meaningful conversations with, without worrying about being judged.

This made be incredibly happy. Then, I started inviting people out to lunch more often and made spending time with those people a top priority.

Action: You know who your uplifting friends are and who aren’t. Start hanging out with the former much more often and telling them how much you appreciate them. If you find out that you don’t have any deep, meaningful relationships, then go out of your way to find some. Try apps such as:

-Meetup

-Bumble

-Tinder (yeah, I went there)

Fortunately, if you start doing more things you enjoy, you will also naturally start meeting other like-minded people who enjoy those things too!

4. Practicing gratitude

This last one is the thread that ties everything together. Often times, a simple shift in your mindset is all it takes to turn a shitty day into a good one.

Mindfulness is something I’ve recently begun practicing every single day. Gratitude and mindfulness tend to go hand-in-hand, so needless to say it’s worked out amazingly.

Gratitude can be as simple as waking up and thoroughly enjoying the deliciousness of a warm cup of coffee in the morning.

Or taking a few extra moments to appreciate the feel of the wind against your face on a breezy fall afternoon.

Gratitude has the power to turn the worst of days into one that’s infinitely more enjoyable.

Action: What’s one thing that you could be grateful for today, and then the next several days? Try not to use the same thing or person every time. Instead, look for joy in the simplest of things, the stuff that people in third world or underdeveloped countries wished they had.

Ideas for Engineering Your Happier Days

By focusing on those four principals, I was able to gradually start feeling a good bit happier. It didn’t happen overnight, but within a few weeks, I noticed some significant changes. You can do the same by focusing on engineering your happiness just one day at a time.

Brainstorm a bunch of things that you could add into your days. Aggressively look for activities that you can dismiss. Spend more time with uplifting people. And lastly, practice gratitude in any way that you can.

I bet if I asked Adam Bornstein, he finds happiness in whipping up some delicious protein ice cream, or spending quality time with his wife and the intern (that’s what he calls his baby boy).

I guarantee you that Noah Kagan would be out eating tacos, or hanging with his buds from Sumo.

Nils and Jonas Salzgeber might be kicking ass in the gym, reading more books, or putting stoicism into practice.

Pat Flynn finds happiness in watching Back to the Future with his kids and growing his online business.

These are real people who find true happiness doing things they love. And it’s 100% possible for the rest of us.

Now, what kind of monster would I be if I didn’t include a hefty list of things for you to start working with? Here you go, friends. This is by no means an all-encompassing list, but it is a great place to begin your journey.

Things you might enjoy doing:

Going to the movies

Eating at your favorite restaurant (or a new restaurant you’ve always wanted to try)

Go swimming

Waking up early and making a delicious breakfast

Become a tourist in your own town or somewhere else: visit national monuments or parks, historic landmarks, interesting things out-of-towners always flock to

Playing pick-up or casual sports: basketball, whiffle ball, kickball, street hockey, frisbee golf, actual golf, racquetball, to name a few.

Joining a sports league: softball, kickball, dodgeball, bowling, and others.

Signing up for sports lessons: tennis, golf, karate or MMA

Doing something outdoors: hiking, biking, kayaking, going for a walk or jog, plan a picnic

Playing board games

Playing video games

Watching sports

Learning how to play an instrument, or reigniting a past love for one: guitar, piano, saxophone, trumpet, violin, your voice

Pick up a new hobby or one you’ve previously enjoyed: painting, writing, creating things, or literally almost anything listed above

Things you may want to consider cutting:

Use the “hell yes!” or “hell NO” technique to eliminate:

Non-urgent chores: laundry, going to the bank, taxes, mowing the lawn, doing the dishes (many of these and others you can put off until later, or you can delegate to someone else)

Your day-job: as I mentioned earlier, this one may take some time and planning, but if you’re unhappy you should be actively working on a way out.

Unnecessary meetings

Any kind of appointments you aren’t excited about or don’t desperately need

Problematic or “not worth the hassle” clients

Hang outs with people you don’t necessarily care for: happy hours, get-togethers, company picnics

Spending more time with uplifting people:

Schedule play dates with your friends (maybe don’t phrase it like that to them, though): play catch over lunch or in the evening, plan a homerun derby, have a meaningful conversation with a close friend over coffee or tea.

Get out of toxic relationships: applies to both sexual and non-sexual relationships

Book a weekend getaway with your close friends

Plan a trip or evening out with some of your favorite family members or friends

Buy a ticket to a seminar or workshop focused on an enjoyable hobby of yours and meet other like-minded people

Practicing gratitude:

Noticing and deeply appreciating: