Posted by Lisa in Marriage, Sex, Uncategorized Lisa

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By Evan Field

Yes, I am going to discuss the most taboo, most frowned upon, most popular activity that most husbands engage in while free and alone. I am going to discuss the reasons why we married men engage with porn. The content is honest and real. Ladies … while you are reading this, step outside your comfort zone, put your views aside, and understand that this IS reality. All of the information below is based on hundreds of conversations I have had with many married men I have known over the years. I am forthright and blunt. You are about to read some real truth. Porn addiction and unhealthy sexual lifestyles are not going to be discussed.

Let’s jump right into the common reasons husbands enjoy it so much … no order of importance. Everyone is different.

1. We get to watch a simulated fantasy of having SEXUAL ENGAGEMENT WITH A PERSON WHO IS NOT YOU. Sexual engagement could be as tame as listening to a woman say flirtatious things while looking at me squarely in the eyes. It can be as hardcore as a simulated point of view (POV) doggy-style fucking on the kitchen floor with a woman who resembles my college crush. The woman in the movie clip has a different voice than you, a different body than you, a different hairstyle, walk, nipple size, skin tone, age, name … anything that would slightly or gravely differentiate from you. You find me a woman who looks like Halle Berry, and I promise you her husband watches porn video clips of women who don’t look like her.

While society and religion preach monogomy, human nature yearns for variation.

2. WE WATCH WHAT CONJURES SEXUAL NOSTALGIA. I have had many tastes in women. For example, my one-night stand with that 5’9 intern 15 years ago was so hot and my wife of 10 years is 5’2 … nostalgia is fun … I’m going to watch a video clip starring a taller woman while my wife is at her cousin’s house for the afternoon. Exciting? Hell yes! My nostalgic feelings of bliss with the intern have come back to me at the speed of a mouse click.

3. WE GET TO BE SOMEONE ELSE. More porn involves watching all parties involved in the film. Does that guy have a bigger package than I do — is he more muscular? Well, now I get to mentally and visually use HIS tools to put Asa Akira (looks like the hot barista at Caribou Coffee) or Veronica Avluv (looks like my aunt’s neighbor) up against the bathroom sink while she begs me for more. I’m sharing an example of what we “wish we had” and what we want to do (possibly to you) if you were into it …

4. WE GET TO EXPLORE. Everyone has a secret taboo that turns them on. I’m not going to discuss the dangers of the messed-up taboos or the illegal ones. I personally don’t like fetish porn, but I understand how unusual things can creep into my mind that I might find stimulating. My wife might describe what I usually watch as a slight fetish when I consider it mainstream … fetish definition is personal. I will tell you that your husband has electronically found his fetish EASILY! He has also completely and carefully erased the history of his hunt for what scratched his itch. If, however, your husband doesn’t erase his history then you should divorce him for being an idiot. Anyone who gets off on an X-Rated version of alien Japanimation or X-rated clips of women kicking a man in the nuts is bound to first understand the art of deleting and covering his tracks. Sometimes men get weird. Fetish Porn allows people to explore what they would probably never do in real life. Be thankful that we have the outlet.

5. SEX IS A PHYSICAL NEED FOR A MAN. Biologically-speaking, men NEED to release semen. Our bodies tell us that we need to be erect to release it. You haven’t felt sexual in three weeks? You still hold a grudge over your husband’s poor decision last month? Guess what … your grudge that blocks your desire to be sexual doesn’t block our physical NEED to release semen. We wouldn’t apologize as much as we do if we didn’t NEED sex. Holding out on your husband drives him toward something that won’t hold out.

I can find 50,000 women on the porn tube sites who won’t hold out. Any one of those women is a mental substitute for you.

Wives who grudgingly withhold sex from their husbands or deny them on a regular basis are at risk of losing their husbands (possibly permanently) to the surrogate sexual partner of porn. Men will find a surrogate to appease their biological need. Nature is powerful.

6. I HAVE CONTROL OVER SOMETHING. Husbands who have little control over home decisions (most of us), do have control over who or how they choose to have fantasy sex with porn. I can’t buy Starbucks because you told me we need to cut back, you aren’t comfortable with me wearing my 25-year-old baseball hat to the park, I have to do everything you ask me to do in a timely manner, and most relevantly … when I want to be sexual with you and am denied, guess who has the control again … it ain’t me.

So when your husband is watching porn while he is alone, his choices and sense of uninhibited privacy are HIS control.

7. NOBODY IN PORN IS ANGRY OR ANNOYED WITH ME … I FEEL WANTED. It is much more prevalent for you to be and act truly angry at your husband than it is for your husband to act angry with you. In fact, it is absolutely acceptable in our culture for a wife to raise her voice in her fit of annoyance toward her husband. If a man does so to his wife, it’s called abuse. Getting back to the point …

When I watch porn … I’m not being spoken to in annoyance. I AM WANTED.

It might be fake and simulated … nevertheless, I am watching a woman WANT a man. It’s attractive for a woman to want a man; it’s refreshing, it’s sexy, and it falls to the wayside far too often in marriage. Men are also creatures of the brain. What’s more powerful and sexy to a man over attractive physical features? The answer: a woman who proactively shows a desire for that man sexually. My best friend loves blondes with great muscular legs. He married one in fact. Lately, he fantasizes about the Hispanic brunette in his office because she was drunkenly forward with him at a party and told him with great eye contact how truly hot she thinks he is. Completely inappropriate? … we all know it is. His porn category of choice lately? I’m sure you can guess.

Let’s take a breather and answer the burning question in many of your heads right now: ”Why is it up to ME as a woman to act like a ‘slut’ in order for my husband to stay away from or watch less porn?”

Fair and valid question. Men don’t want their wives to act like a ‘slut’ as much as they want their wives to treat them like kings. All of the men with whom I spoke about this watch porn to remind them that there are women who act “wanting”. When women act sexual or talk about what they want in bed it is the BEST aphrodisiac for men.

When your husband does not receive wanting eyes, positive physical touching, or flirtation … they feel unwanted. Porn simulates what is missing.

Is it our mutual responsibility to be romantic, sexually energetic, flirtatious, and exciting? OF COURSE IT IS. But men are from Mars. Chances are that you did not marry the guy who has the best approach to unlock or decipher your sexual side when he wants it the most. Chances are that husbands have to wait for their wives to be in the mood, be rewarded with sex, or wait for a date night/birthday/anniversary. All of the husbands I spoke with had the same common theme: Their wives don’t make the SAME flirtatious efforts.

Again, porn brings out the characteristics that are lacking for men in their current sex life and it is an outlet for those “pervy” thoughts.

Now you want to know what to do to be your husband’s sexual choice OVER those women on youporn.com and naughtyamerica.

In the last two weeks I asked 20 married men what would turn them on to their wives to temporarily forgo porn. Several things were common:

3 said: “blow jobs”

7 said: “wife coming onto me first … initiating sex”

3 said: “wife wearing sexier clothing”

6 said: “verbal compliments like telling me ‘I’m hot'”

1 guy said with a straight serious face: “dripping hot wax on my chest while riding me” (um … okay … there’s always one freak in the bunch)

This tells me that the physical seductions (visual stimulation of sexy clothing and physical acts like blow jobs) were LESS important to the majority than the mental seductions such as making them feel wanted with compliments or sexual initiation.

I thought about this, and it occurred to me that the porn I watch fills several voids in my own mental sex life. If my wife comes up to me, throws her arms around my neck, we make out, she tells me that she has been thinking about how great it would be to ride me on the couch while the kids are asleep, bites her bottom lip, and gives me great eye contact … I am NOT running to the laptop — she just did a damn good job! I experienced this last week after I sent my wife a video clip of a woman seducing a guy by kissing him first, followed by the hardcore scene. I reminded her that I am turned on by the proactive foreplay by a woman. Was it risky to send her this? Yes, I thought I was going to get yelled at for sure. The video clip actually entertained her and she understood why I sent it … what has been missing lately.

Want ME, and I’m into YOU … not the ladies on the computer.

How do you think it would make YOUR husband feel? Wanted? Appreciated? Like he is not a piece of shit? Like he is attractive? Powerful? Ask yourself, what is the downside of making a husband feel like that? There are no negatives in this writer’s perspective. All it takes is effort and courage to act young again with the guy you said YES to.

The worst thing you can do to a man is ACCUSE him of watching porn. It makes the act humiliating. Instead, ask him what are his favorite categories or genres WHEN HE DOES watch it. Turning it into a positive understanding will be attractive to him. You might find out that the answer might be enjoyable to engage in or act out. Now wouldn’t that be fun?! Ask him to email you a video clip that he loves. Email him a video clip of an acted-out fantasy of yours!

Bringing it all out of the hiding would most likely add or create excitement in your marriage. Your approach means everything. Your husband is human. He has needs. If he is good to you, be good to him.

Lisa Barr, editor of GIRLilla Warfare: Okay, Ladies … have at it! We definitely want to hear YOUR perspective on this one …