Matt L. Stephens

matthewstephens@coloradoan.com

“Hayden Hunt walks into a deli” should be the setup to a joke. I just haven’t figured out the punchline.

He did walk into a deli Tuesday — Backcountry Delicatessen in Old Town — and he ordered The Grand. No chips. Pickle on the side. It’s his favorite Fort Collins lunch spot and he’ll never eat anything there other than his sandwich covered in unpronounceable meats and garlic mayo on a French baguette.

He’s wearing a white Reebok shirt that reads “Hunt Greatness” across the front in large, black block letters (“Hunt” is in the largest font, of course). It’s his favorite shirt and he wears it to almost every team meeting.

He wears it to make you think he has an ego. So that coaches think he has shirts custom printed for himself (his girlfriend actually bought him the shirt that’s part of J.J. Watt’s line). But he doesn’t have an ego, even if he is the biggest trash-talker on the CSU football team.

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He just finds it hilarious that he’s Colorado State University’s only All-American.

Because he’s the punter.

“A lot of times during practice I’ll go up and sniff guys, look at them and say, ‘Nah, doesn’t smell like an All-American,’” Hunt said. “The other day, I was soaking in a bath and (starting center) Jake Bennett came up to me and asked why. He told me I didn’t do anything in practice. I told him that he didn’t do anything, either. He’s just big and fat and in the way.

“If I was the quarterback or any other position and I was named All-American, I’d be humble about it. But come on. I’m the punter.”

During the next hour we talk about everything from Friday’s season opener against the University of Colorado (no, he genuinely doesn’t know who the Rams’ quarterback is going to be, either), to his bitterness for finishing runner-up to Utah’s Tom Hackett for the Ray Guy Award. All this sandwiched between discussion of video games and our shared sadness over J.J. Abrams not directing future Star Wars films.

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And every time our talk appears headed down a more serious path, Hunt cracks a joke. A funny one. Not necessarily to lighten the mood. He just can’t take anything, especially himself, too seriously. He’s on scholarship to play a child’s game, at a position that sees maybe six snaps a game. His former coach, Jim McElwain, never once addressed him by name, even calling him “punt guy” during their exit interview before Mac took the job at Florida.

Hunt always hated the limelight and now he’s somehow been made the face of CSU football.

It’s kind of a joke.

“I’m not sure what more reporters can ask me other than how much higher and further do I want to kick the ball this year,” Hunt said.

There’s nothing interesting about what Hunt does on the field.

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He kicks a ball.

He’s good at it.

Probably the best in the country.

But during a 60-minute game, he’s playing for less than five minutes. His team-issued iPad is never used for its intended film study, but it gets plenty of Netflix usage. There isn’t much him-focused football talk to engage in, so we shift discussion to his teammates, coaches and rivals, illuminating Hunt’s essence.

CSU safety Jake Schlager: “I want to say the Tim Tebow of special teams because he tries the hardest, but now he’s going to be one of our starters on defense this year and I always give him a hard time. But Schlager, he’s like the biggest butthole on the team, but in the way that he actually cares about you."

Former Utah punter Tom Hackett: “Not a punter. He’s a rugby punter. That’s an Australian thing. You’re not even allowed to do that in the NFL. They should make a rugby-style award and name it the Tom Hackett Award because he’s the best who’s ever done it, I’ll give him that. He’s that guy that when I met him, he did not care about punting. Super laid-back Australian … he’s got that dirty mustache. But he beat me last year, so whatever, I guess he’s better, right?”

CSU coach Mike Bobo: “Everything I hoped and dreamed of as a Southerner. (McElwain) was pretty funny when he ripped you a new one, but Bobo has pretty creative stuff: ‘This ain’t tryouts at the Y,’ ‘Not everyone gets to play, this ain’t the little league.’ I love that stuff. It’s hilarious. Just the other week he was yelling at someone on the offensive line and then points to the NFL scouts and says, ‘Write down that he’s a loafer.’ I was dying laughing.”

Former CSU coach Jim McElwain: “I liked him. Everyone was pissed when he left, but whatever. We got Bobo out of it and it worked out great. I love how he had to write an apology to the Florida player for cussing him out. I saw that happen every other day here with no apologies. That was the funniest thing ever. … He loved to mess with the specialists in a new way. He’d buy us rubber duckies for the (training room) tub so we’d have more fun in there. He offered to buy us grown-up diapers so we wouldn’t pee down our legs during field goal period. Bobo likes messing with us, but Mac came to our meetings personally and made fun of us.”

CU coach Mike MacIntyre: “I really had a chance for a walk-on spot at San Jose State. I went to meet MacIntyre (the Spartans’ coach at the time) and he said I wasn’t good enough. So that’s why I hate CU. You’re supposed to say you respect CU, but I have a special hatred for CU. I read in the newspaper last week he said I was a weapon. Spsh. You didn’t want me to walk on at San Jose State.”

As our lunch winds down — both of us so locked in conversation we barely touched our food — it becomes clear why all you have to do is say Hayden Hunt to make his teammates laugh. This is a guy who will talk trash to an assistant coach and get in the face of a 300-pound lineman and call him fat, knowing no one will do a thing about it.

Because a punter is CSU’s only All-American.

And he’s making all of us his punchline.

For insight and analysis on athletics around Northern Colorado and the Mountain West, follow sports editor and columnist Matt L. Stephens at twitter.com/mattstephens and facebook.com/stephensreporting.