“We’re all going to ‘miss you, miss you’ greatly down here on earth.”

Written by: Larry Claudin

As many of you may know by now, the former singer and guitar player of Blink-182, Boxcar Racer and Angels and Airwaves, Tom Delonge, has always been obsessed with extraterrestrial life forms. Camping at Area 51, creating his own conspiracy theories and he even came out with his own book titled “Chasing Machines: Secret Shadows.”

It seems that in the past 24 hours Delonge made a crowd fundraiser to build his own spaceship. We’re happy to say that fortunately for Tom, he won’t need your money anymore. He’s just been abducted by aliens in the past three hours.

Our sources tell us that after the release of the fundraiser a satellite above the coast of the Venezuelan Peninsula transferred the intel to the planet Garüshkima where General Zarkum did his fact-checking on Mr. Delonge. After trying to listen to songs like “Aliens Exist” and “Dammit” we were able to speak with General Zarkum via said satellite.

“{^~*<£|¥¥]*^}€<£\£_¥&@****~!\!]•••\={€” he told us. We tried our best to get a translation expert in to make better sense of the codes sent to us but there was no luck.

Hopefully, for Tom Delonge, what was said is a good thing. As we’re sure he is being held in high honor on the planet Garüshkima as we type this up.

Blink-182 may be worse without you, Tom. But, we’re all going to “miss you, miss you” greatly down here on earth. Safe travels and Godspeed, sir.