Mums break the taboo and discuss how disappointed they are with their children’s looks

We’ve all heard the saying ‘a face only a mother could love.’ That’s because a mother’s love is unconditional in every way, isn’t it? Surely it doesn’t matter if a child has a large nose, squinty eyes, blonde or red hair? The love of a mother is so intense, when they look at their offspring they see supermodels of the future or, at least, cute editorial stars in the Best n Less catalogue.

But here’s the breaking of a taboo. My friend ‘Debra’ is not exactly ashamed to admit her children are plain.

In fact, when she’s had a couple of wines, she goes even further.

“Let’s face it,” she groaned. “My kids are not good looking. They’re funny looking. I’m sick of people lying to me and telling me they’re gorgeous. I overheard a school mum refer to ‘Max’ as an FLK,” says Debra. (Funny looking kid).

“But I think they’re gorgeous!” I offer. “They all have your beautiful green eyes and their father’s black hair.”

She flashed me a pained look. I shouldn’t have mentioned her husband. Debra is married to ‘Brad’, who is very good looking. Some might say he is movie-star-handsome.

His smouldering good looks have caused at least one car accident that I’m aware of. I’m told their neighbour’s mother slammed into a gate in the excitement when she thought she was in the presence of Enrique Iglesias.

“Why don’t my boys look like their father?” asks Debra. “I love them, I really do, but I’m really disappointed. I just assumed they’d be much better looking than they are. I’d lying if I said I thought they were ‘beautiful’ the way you think your boys are,” Debra says.

(Mum and child)

(Image: Getty)

I tried to reassure her that I could only see three very lovely children, but she persisted.

“I always thought good looks in families improved with each generation. Maybe our family genes are going backwards. Brad and I both have perfect noses. How did the boys get those big, blobby noses?” she whinged.

Mumbling something about kids growing into their noses, I left the conversation only to pick it up again a few weeks later with a work colleague.

‘Lucy’ has two girls, one is blonde and the mirror image of her. But the younger child has jet black hair and, in her words, ‘not very pretty.’

“The first thing I thought when they handed her to me in the birthing room was, ‘this can’t be my baby. Her Dad and I are blonde! There must be a mistake?’ My mother reassured me by saying some babies are born with dark hair only for it to fall out and then they turn blonde. But she didn’t. She’s 11 and she’s still brunette,” Lucy says.

When I told her to stop being ridiculous, it’s just a hair colour, she revealed there was more.

“It’s not only her hair. It’s her face. Even my own mother admits she must be a throwback to her great-great grandmother. We’ve compared the photos, it’s uncanny. But, you know, not in a good way.”

Let’s turn to an academic study: in 2014 US academic Doctor Andrew Harrell released his findings that parents are more likely to give better care and pay closer attention to good-looking children compared to unattractive ones.

LISTEN: Melinda Ayre and Kelly Baker talk about the difference between loving your kids and liking your kids on 9Honey Mums. (Post continues.)

His study revolved around children and shopping trolley safety, where researchers observed parents and their two to five-year-old children for 10 minutes each. It was noted whether the child was safely strapped into the trolley seat and how often the child wandered away for more than three metres. Then, the researchers graded each child on their attractiveness, using a scale of one to 10.

The results? Well, only 1.2 percent of the ‘least attractive kids’ were safely strapped in, and they were also allowed to wander further away from their parents. In comparison, 13.3 percent of the most attractive kids were safely buckled in their seats, and not allowed to wander far away.

When I quizzed Lucy, whom I’ve always believed favours her blonde child over her ‘less attractive’ brunette, she nodded her head.

“Yes, I’m guilty. I’m much more protective of one over the other and it’s nothing to do with their age difference (14 months) it’s probably true that I give her more attention because she’s so pretty,” Lucy says.

Few parents will admit to even thinking their child is anything less than ‘beautiful’ or ‘handsome’ but, given this subject is something of a taboo, perhaps many people have these thoughts and either never admit it out loud, or turn to humour to express their feelings.

In the words of Debra: “Who knows – my kids could turn out to be human versions of the Ugly Duckling and all grow up into being human versions of swans?”

No matter how some mothers feel about their child’s looks, one thing is for certain; being very, very beautiful is a stroke of luck. It’s an accident. Whether a child inherits a parents’ beauty or great-grandparents’ plain looks, should matter little. Cue the violins: it’s what’s on the inside that matters most!