Justin Kirkland

Special to USA TODAY

Spoiler alert: Stop and catch up on Westworld before reading. We'll wait.

If the first four episodes of Westworld were about what people want, episode five asks what happens when they find it. But if the hosts are longing for artificial self-consciousness (think Her, but with more guns and cowboy hats), the humans are looking for something even grander. Though the guests are still looking for a western-themed orgy.

Dolores, William and Logan begin in a field of crosses, on the edge of a town named Pariah. As they enter, Logan reveals some backstory: Arnold created Pariah but killed himself days before the park opened. But the town is spelling more trouble than good for Dolores. She questions William’s reference to the “real world” and sees flashes of herself before passing out in a parade of townspeople.

When she awakens, she’s with Dr. Ford. He asks her if she remembers the man he used to be or if she remembers Arnold, but she says no. He sends her into analysis, revealing the last time she spoke with Arnold was over thirty-four years ago and the last thing he said to her was that she would help him destroy this world. Yikes. Dr. Ford tells Dolores that they are notfriends, which seems harsh, but Dolores has secrets of her own. As Ford walks out Dolores says, “He doesn’t know. I didn’t tell him anything.”

Elsewhere, surgeons work to patch Maeve together, AGAIN. But one surgeon, Felix, is more interested in the behavioral patterns of a bird he’s working on. As his bird takes flight across the room, Felix spins around to hear Maeve say, “Hello Felix. It’s time you and I had a chat.” She’s not the only one with questions — Elsie blackmails her way into the room where her host-attacker’s body is and discovers a mechanism in his arm that is collecting and sending data outside of the park.

But the real action takes place inside Westworld. The Man In Black has taken Teddy and Lawrence deeper into the woods. Apparently Teddy was Wyatt's friend, but friends don’t slash you and tie you to a tree, so we’re using that term loosely. That connection makes Teddy useful though, and the MIB is a one-friend kind of guy, so he cuts Lawrence’s throat and collects his blood because when your main bro needs a pick me up, drain the blood of your ex-BFF.

After stumbling into a saloon, the MIB and Teddy are visited by none other than Dr. Ford, and it’s obvious that this isn’t the first time they’ve met. The MIB acknowledges that Ford introduced Wyatt as a new roadblock to the center of the maze, which prompts Ford to say if he wants the moral of the story, just ask. But the MIB says Arnold is the only one with that answer and follows up with, “I wonder what I could find if I cut you open,” but Teddy’s loyalties run DEEP. He grabs the knife by the blade because you have to watch out for your first bro, ya know?

Back in the city of Pariah, the trio finds the Confederados, a group of soldiers who refused to assimilate with the Union after the Civil War. They meet with a man named Elasso who can’t get them in, but when Elasso looks up, it’s actually Lawrence, full-blooded and alive. He gives them the mission of robbing Union soldiers of their wagon and nitro supply. The most exciting part, Dolores gets upgraded to some fierce high-waisted pants!

The team kills the Union and makes the trade — Elasso gets gold, Logan has prostitutes, the Confederados have nitro, but when Logan wants to team up with them, William fights back. He tells William he’ll never be a contender, which is not a chill thing to say to the guy who saved your life. It's a lot to take in, considering that in the midst of the argument the entire room is just golden, naked people eating grapes and having sex. In short, some pornography doesn't even have this much gratuitous nudity.

Meanwhile, Dolores finds a woman holding a spread of cards with the maze imprinted on one. The woman becomes Dolores, who says she must be unraveling. Dolores finds a wire in her arm and pulls it out, revealing a mechanism similar to the one in Elsie’s attacker. She runs out to find Elasso filling corpses with the nitro he previously traded.

Dolores tries to warn William, but it’s too late... the Confederados discover the trade was a sham and take Logan. William decides to save Dolores, abandoning his brother-in-law before being taken himself. He tells Dolores to escape, but instead she shoots the Confederatos holding William hostage, saying, “You said people come here to change the story of their lives. I imagined a story where I didn’t have to be the damsel.”

They hop a train, which happens to be the same one Elasso is taking out of town. Elasso pulls his gun on William. William pulls his on Elasso. Dolores... well, she pulls it on the coffin, knowing that’s where the Nitro is being held. Avoiding a big bang, Elasso reveals his real identity, but Dolores can’t be bothered because she’s found another imprint of the maze on the nitro-corpse-casket.