The first word that comes to mind when you look at 25-year-old Pradeep Bala is big.

He has massive arms, broad shoulders, and a huge chest.

However he still doesn't feel happy with his size. His obsession with achieving a so-called 'perfect' shape turned into a little-known body-image disorder - "bigorexia".

It's formally known as muscle dysmorphia - and is sometimes described as anorexia, but in reverse.

People suffering from this condition often think they look small despite being more muscular than most people.

More related stories 'Bigorexia' warning to male gym goers

Get information, help and advice on body image.

'I have a vicious internal monologue'

For Pradeep it all began by comparing himself with men in magazines.

Signs of bigorexia may include Overexertion at the gym



Working out compulsively



Use of anabolic steroids



Excessively looking at your body in the mirror



Abuse of supplements and constant drinking of protein shakes



Irritability and angry outbursts



Depression and mania



Panic if you miss your gym session



Training while injured



Prioritising working out over family and social life

"I began thinking if it's attainable for him, surely in due course I can attain a similar physique in my own right," he says.

"I'm that classic story of seeing a guy in the magazine and wanting to be that."

Pradeep lives alone in London. At 5'7'', he has a physique that would look at home on the front page of a fitness magazine.

It isn't good enough for him.

"I'm definitely small and I tell myself, 'What's happened to you? You're small, what's wrong with you? Look at yourself, what have you done?' I'll start beating myself quite hard.

"I have a vicious internal dialogue. It will say, 'Man up, what are you doing?'

"It will be a very negative discussion that will slowly plummet myself into further anxiety and depression."

'I lost friends, I would go about my day in silence'

Pradeep says when he first started working out and following a strict diet, he felt great - but it quickly took over his life and no matter how much muscle he put on, he wasn't happy.

"I came to realise I had muscle dysmorphia or bigorexia when I was 17, 18, 19," he says.

"It was something I initially brushed off my shoulder. I couldn't and I wouldn't accept the fact that bigorexia even existed and I had a problem.

"It was only years later when I would see a few documentaries and when the term came about I realised I might have an issue.

"I was dissatisfied no matter what I saw in the mirror, no matter who told me I looked good.

"It wasn't for my satisfaction, my eye was never pleased, and it took a really wrong turn.

"I lost friends, I would leave friends, I would shut myself off, I wouldn't talk to friends, I wouldn't pick up phone calls, would not answer emails.

"I would go about my day in silence, just wake up do the work I had to get done, training, sleep that's it.

"I would feel I need to completely block my social life out. To make sure that until I am mentally satisfied to some degree, only then would I feel some self-worth to then go talk to people, to say I'm OK now."

'I looked in the mirror and was disgusted'

He says living with bigorexia has become a constant mental battle for him.

"On a daily basis, the lows are when I overly critique myself to the point where I just think nothing looks right," he says.

"There were several times in my life and most recently a few months ago...when I looked in the mirror and I was quite disgusted with myself.

"This is why I remain very humble. When I'm in the gym, I'm in a hoodie, I don't ask for any attention, I ask for no sympathy, I ask no one to boast about me, I just want to go about my business.

"That's just the way I feel now."

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