Breaking News: James Harden Cedes MVP to Referees

Anyone who’s watched the Rockets play this year knows one thing for sure: they are a basketball team that has some basketball players on aforementioned team. They also know another thing, that the bearded man with lifeless eyes shoots a ton of free throws. We here at NUT decided to go deeper, and we found some shenanigans.

Now for people that have only watched James Harden play basketball, they may be confused as to when a player is usually awarded a free throw. Generally, a player is awarded a free throw when they are hit(or fouled) in the process of shooting. In James Harden’s case, he shoots free throws after every thing he does. Harden flings himself into the defense? Free throws. Harden breathes on you while making a lay-up? Free Throws. Harden murders the defenders entire family? He would probably be arrested, but not until he shot his damned free throws! Luckily, we were able to get an interview with an unnamed source as to this phenomenon surrounding Harden.

“He threatened to shave his beard!” Our source said. “Do you have any idea how much money we make off his stupid beard? We don’t even need to pay someone to come up with how to market it. We just slap a picture of his beard on some merch and sell it for massive amounts of money. So if we don’t call a ton of fouls for him, he said the beard is gone.”

We decided not to look any further into this matter because I’m just realizing that the more I write, the less funny it gets.