The FFA wants to crack down on football hooliganism but there is little to gain by treating fans like criminals

There are times when Australian football is just too good to be true. Today is one of those days. In partnership with Victorian police and the Melbourne clubs, this morning the FFA announced it is cracking down on violence. Call it what you want – soccer violence, football hooliganism, an excuse to wear Fred Perry button-downs and Adidas trainers – enough is enough.

Naturally, to encourage us all to stop throwing our over-priced, plastic-cupped, mid-strength beer at the players, officials and opposing fans, the A-League have enlisted the services of Kevin Muscat to sell the message.

The FFA has made some interesting decisions over the years. One was to appoint Ben Buckley as CEO in 2006. Another was to court Fifa's self-appointed ragged-trousered philanthropist, Jack Warner, in the infamous World Cup bid. Another still was to employ Pim Verbeek and Holger Osieck to bring back that old feeling of disappointment in your gut whenever you watch the Socceroos. And now this.

Kevin Muscat: the man who rearranged Christophe Dugarry's knee ligaments in a friendly; who ended Matty Holmes's career; who gave Adrian Zahra this friendly tap-up in the Melbourne derby is now being used to plead with confused fans to respect the family friendly nature of the A-League.

This is one of those moments where half-baked writers like myself are given a free kick at being funny. This is a joke we simply can't butcher. It is, as Paul Keating once said in reference to Alexander Downer, "the salmon that jumps on the hook for you".

The only thing sillier than the Ghandi-fication of the man Martin Grainger called "the most hated man in football" is the new police measures themselves. One has to wonder what the FFA is playing at with this decision. Of all the threatening environments one might find oneself on a Saturday night, A-League matches rank fairly low. I've seen more acts of violence towards Hungry Jack's toilet-bowls on Oxford Street than I have at most A-League fixtures. If transit officers are just failed policemen, to me those stadium security guards are just failed toilet-cleaners.

Victorian police commander Rick Nugent said in a statement: "What we're doing is collectively standing up against violence ... we're going to do whatever we can to ensure we provide a safe environment for supporters, families and kids who come along to watch sport."

Of course, few people could argue with the sentiment. However, the measures being planned to keep the natives from cannibalising each other do seem a little out of step with the current culture of A-League matches.

With the blessing of the FFA and the two Melbourne clubs, the police plan to closely monitor fans by CCTV, dedicate a crack team of detectives to investigate any incidents at matches, start a 'dob-a-yobbo' hotline for 'good' fans to point out any 'bad' fans who give them the stink-eye, and implement stronger ticket regulations to ensure the riff-raff have to sit through Andy Harper's commentary from home or the nearest pub. Punishment enough.

If the Victorian measures are seen to be successful, the FFA plans to expand its security operations around the country. Perhaps the worst part of all this is it will further add to an already severe persecution complex among many A-League fans.

That said, there is more than a hint of hypocrisy from the FFA, which likes to trade on images of active supporters in its promotional packages and ad campaigns. Take a look at the latest Power the Game advert. Freeze-frame it. Dob them all in on your smartphone for participating in an ad that is surely a crime against good taste.

The FFA has a history of hyperventilating at any hint of anti-social behaviour. Hiring a private security firm, Hatamoto, to police the terraces has been particularly unpopular in recent years.

Treating A-League supporters like criminals does little to create the impression that football is a pleasant place to spend your evening. If anything, it's helping create a folk-devil for the tabloid press.