Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD. Quote: leapofaith Originally Posted by In some way, shape or form, we all go through the grief process whether we are diagnosed or come to this conclusion all on our own.



It is as different and personal to each individual as their finger prints. I found this article for those who are new here, new to the diagnosis or didn't know this happens to all of us.



I find myself posting about it often, probably because I myself was not made aware of it. I think that had I known what I was going through, it would have made it a little easier.



Unfortunately, the Psychiatrist who started me on medication after being officially diagnosed, didn't know much about ADD. I wasn't given information about the medication or what I could expect in the beginning. I spent 2 long years depressed, lost and mostly in denial, fighting my ADD and its symptoms. What a futile waste of time and energy!



I hope this is helpful to others!



This article originally appeared in the November/December 2000 issue of LDA Newsbriefs. For

more information on the Learning Disabilities Association of America, please visit the LDA

website at www.ldanatl.org.

1

GRIEF: THE FORGOTTEN EMOTION

OF

ADULTS WITH LEARNING DISABILITIES

Kevin T. Blake, Ph.D.

One emotional concern that has far too often been overlooked in adults who have

for the first time been diagnosed as having learning disabilities and/or ADHD is that of

grief. Grief is a normal reaction to a traumatic life event (i.e., death in the family,

diagnosis of cancer, loss of a job, diagnosis of a learning disability, etc.) Grief has

definite stages which may lead to resolution as was demonstrated by Kubler-Ross work

with terminal cancer patients in England. Persons going through a grief reaction may

experience a loss of interest in things they previously found pleasurable, depressed mood,

sluggishness, problems with sleep and/or appetite, as well as guilt. Grief has a natural

progression and is usually time limited.

Murphy and LeVert (1995) wrote about the six stages of coping that a person may

experience following the diagnosis of ADHD. These can be applied to those with

learning disabilities. They are as follows:

Stage 1: Relief and Optimism

Im not retarded, Im not schizophrenic, Im not Bi-Polar or just plain stupid. I have

ADHD .

Stage 2: Denial

There is no such thing as ADHD, Im just lazy

Stage 3: Anger and Resentment

If my third grade teacher would have noticed this, I may have gone to college .

Stage 4: Grief

My undiagnosed ADHD made life so painful for me

How do I cope with ADHD and repair the damage of the past .

Stage 5: Accommodation

I accept I have ADHD, I am using work/school accommodations to compensate for it

2

Initially it was believed the grief reaction adults would have to receiving a

diagnosis of learning disabilities and/or ADHD would be non-existent or at the very

worst, quite mild. However, as clinical antidotes have been accumulated this does not

necessarily appear to be the case. The severity and chronicity of the grief reaction an

adult with learning disabilities and/or ADHD may experience appears to be quite

variable. Individuals with very mild learning disabilities and/or ADHD symptoms

without a history of significant life trauma may experience a minimum grief reaction. If

the person does have a grief reaction its course tends to be short and that person reaches a

level of acceptance of the disability quickly, with few relapses. However, a person with

severe learning disabilities and/or ADHD as well as more pronounced life trauma may

have a chronic and intense grief reaction. In such cases, a person may need individual

counseling, and psychoeducation to learn more about the disability and/or medication to

help treat depression, etc.

Regarding prolonged grief, Goldstein (1997) wrote: It has been reportedly

suggested that adults with ADHD and LD struggle with grief over their perceived

incompetence and lifetime difficulty with meeting everyday expectations (p. 260). Often

adults with learning disabilities and ADHD have problems with low self-esteem as a

result of their more difficult life course created by the disability. As Ryan (1994)

wrote when the dyslexic succeeds, he is likely to attribute his success to luck. When he

fails, he simply sees himself as stupid (p. 9). This low self-esteem may compound a grief

reaction, by making it more severe and chronic. It is not uncommon for an adult with

learning disabilities and/or ADHD to repeatedly re-experience grief reactions after the

initial experience of grief. This re-experiencing of the grief reaction tends to be triggered

by present day life traumas and perceived failures, which the adult with learning

disabilities and/or ADHD believes are caused by the disability. Hence, unchecked grief

can be a constant companion.

Sometimes a person can become lost in grief and develop a Major Depressive

Episode. If the person goes at least two weeks with a significantly depressed mood, is

socially withdrawn and has lost interest in things the person usually is quite interested in,

the person may have clinically significant depression. In such situations, it is important

that the person be assessed by a mental health professional and treated if necessary.

The newly diagnosed adult with learning disabilities and/or ADHD should be

made aware of the potential for a grief reaction and the possibility of a Major Depressive

Episode, which will require a consultation with a mental health professional. This should

be done by the diagnostician. Just sharing this with an adult with learning disabilities

and/or ADHD can help to normalize the grieving process and reduce the risk of

complications in its progression. In a very real sense, knowledge is power.

Often the loved ones of an adult recently diagnosed with learning disabilities

and/or ADHD are negatively affected by the individuals grief reaction. The diagnosed

adult may become less attentive to personal responsibilities, lash out toward others, or

become withdrawn. Such behaviors can make family life taxing and difficult. It is

important for the family and loved ones of the adult with learning disabilities and/or

3



ADHD to know that grief is a normal human reaction to their

loss or disability. If the

persons depression and grief is significantly taxing to the family, family therapy should

be considered.

Sometimes the stress of learning to compensate for and cope with ones learning

disability and/or ADHD can be overwhelming. For example, learning how to use

Recordings for the Blind and Dyslexic, a voice activated word processor, or how to work

with an ADHD coach while one struggles to maintain home and/or school/work

responsibilities can be quite stressful. Often the initial attempt at accommodation may be

ineffective. Finding the accommodations that are most helpful may be the result of a

prolonged course of trial and error. This process can be disheartening, which may further

complicate the grief reaction. Families and loved ones need to be aware of these new

stresses in the recently diagnosed adults life. Their understanding may serve to diffuse

family tensions.

Employers also need to understand the challenge facing the newly diagnosed

adult and how the disability may affect his or her productivity. Often newly diagnosed

employees have not met employer expectations, and the employees will need to remedy

this. Employees need to learn about their disabilities and how to accommodate them.

These employees may not know their rights, how to ask appropriately for reasonable

accommodations, or how their disability is manifested. Employers should be encouraged

to instruct their personnel manager to expedite this process by being open to the

recommendations of consulting professionals who have worked with the employees. An

informed employer will be aware that the process for a newly diagnosed adult to become

a better worker can be emotionally difficult for the employee. Thus, it is important for an

employer to be flexible. This may include reducing the employees responsibilities or

granting a temporary leave of absence (i.e., mental health days ). It is important for an

employer to remember that often it is less expensive to help the employee through this

transition than it is to terminate the individual, search for, hire and train another

employee. The above assumes there have been no violations of the employees civil

rights (i.e., ADA, etc.).

The area of emotional and mental health concerns of adults with learning

disabilities and/or ADHD is quite complex and new. This article has dealt with the grief

reaction often experienced by newly diagnosed adults. There are many more types of

significant emotional problems experienced by adults with learning disabilities and/or

ADHD, which the LDA mental health committee will address in future issues of

Newsbriefs.

4

References:

Goldstein, S. (1997).



Managing Attention and Learning Disorders in Late Adolescence

and Adulthood: A Guide for Practitioners. New York: John Wiley and Sons.

Murphy, K. & LeVert, S. (1995). Out of the Fog: Treatment Options and Coping

Strategies for Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. New York: Hyperion.

Ryan, M. (1994). The Other 16 Hours: The Social and Emotional Problems of Dyslexia. Baltimore, MD: Orton Dyslexia Society.





Thank you for this. Someone else (i forget who right now, maybe Fortune?) pointed out the grieving process to me and gave me a link...but I couldnt see the connection so much with what was anger and what was denial etc... this is a good guide.

I'm still stuck in the anger/resentment/grief part i think. I went thru the relief and optimism phase for like.. a day and a half.. then I realized after answering some posts and having to examin my history..just how badly it effected me and just how much it touches.

I had a friend offer hope of school and it sounds like a nice idea...but all i can imagine is the stress I went thru in school. I cant handle going thru that again... I dont know what to do w my life still and I still feel like my hwole life was a complete waste of time. I screwed everything up and I cant get that time back now.

so...I hope these phases hurry up and get over with...I dunno what to do w myself in the meantime. Im just... sad and immobile. Ive been trying to get out.. but that only happens if someone plans to go w me. meh...

ayways. for new ppl coming here I think seeing the whole grief phase part of this thread is a little bit helpful at least Thank you for this. Someone else (i forget who right now, maybe Fortune?) pointed out the grieving process to me and gave me a link...but I couldnt see the connection so much with what was anger and what was denial etc... this is a good guide.I'm still stuck in the anger/resentment/grief part i think. I went thru the relief and optimism phase for like.. a day and a half.. then I realized after answering some posts and having to examin my history..just how badly it effected me and just how much it touches.I had a friend offer hope of school and it sounds like a nice idea...but all i can imagine is the stress I went thru in school. I cant handle going thru that again... I dont know what to do w my life still and I still feel like my hwole life was a complete waste of time. I screwed everything up and I cant get that time back now.so...I hope these phases hurry up and get over with...I dunno what to do w myself in the meantime. Im just... sad and immobile. Ive been trying to get out.. but that only happens if someone plans to go w me. meh...ayways. for new ppl coming here I think seeing the whole grief phase part of this thread is a little bit helpful at least __________________

crazy



"We are all Mad here."