When couples uncouple

When it comes to divorce, a couple with homes in two states, like California and New York, can face vastly different treatment of marital assets. California is a communal property state, where assets are split in half; New York is what is called an equitable distribution state, meaning there is more latitude in deciding who gets what.

Mr. Stutman recently represented a wealthy husband who was living and working in California while his wife lived in New York. When the marriage dissolved, Mr. Stutman said, he acted quickly to file the divorce papers in New York before the wife’s lawyer could file in California.

“It was a nine-figure pot of money, and the difference between the two states was eight figures,” he said. “It’s a bit of a race to the courthouse.”

The risk of living apart together exists for people in the same state but different counties. Mr. Stutman said a New York couple could file in any county in the state. Suffolk County, which encompasses the wealthy towns that make up the Hamptons, has traditionally been more favorable to the spouse who earned the money, particularly if the couple owned a home there.

Sometimes, the state will make decisions for a couple living apart together. In financial matters, for instance, most states will choose a sibling or a descendant over a partner living in a separate residence, Mr. Roberts said.

“If you’re living apart together and you want this person to be the beneficiary of your estate, then you need to have a will and spell this out,” he said. “If you don’t, it may end up with your brother that you can’t stand.”

Privacy vs. secrecy

States also have different views on being private and keeping secrets. Delaware allows for trusts to be set up so beneficiaries don’t know they exist until an age determined by the person creating the trust.