Things can get really boring here at the Company, but all-new footage of hacked Americans is the perfect way to break up the monotony of everyday spy work. Here’s a list of fresh new faces coming soon to our database, C.I.A. All-Access:

David Buckley

Available March 22nd

This sad sack from Cleveland just bought a brand-new Samsung TV during a Presidents’ Day sale, so now we have access to his entire life, the majority of which is spent directly in front of the television! Single at the tender age of thirty-one, he's a working man on a mission to find love. David watches "Shark Tank" every night around 10 P.M., so tune in then to catch him crying alone in the dark.

Tammy Manuel

Available March 30th

Tammy doesn't watch much TV, so we've hacked her smart thermostat. And, let us tell you, things get heated . . . to seventy-seven degrees, that is! Tammy likes her environment a little hotter than the average American, so we've taken a special interest in all her travel plans, shopping habits, and Internet searches. Tammy's originally from Venezuela, so that explains the higher temperature setting—but not her Amazon cart full of bootleg Chinese USB chargers. We're keeping a very close eye on her. You should, too.

Mark F. Halsing II **

** Available April 1st

Mark F. Halsing II is strictly for the fans of sensitive beards and unrequited love stories. Seriously, he will tug at your heartstrings like a harpist from a nation we helped destabilize. We hacked into his electronic turntable, and not only did we find out that he's a big fan of Neutral Milk Hotel but now we can listen in on Mark rehearsing how to ask out the cute barista at his favorite fourth-wave coffee shop, on Wythe. So grab a vegan cocktail, moisturize your mustache, and stay tuned to find out if he ever makes it out of the apartment.

Krista Tobin **

** Available April 7th

She's the girl! Excuse us—barista. And a tactfully resourceful one at that. Krista has been deflecting the unsolicited advances of her entitled customers ever since she started slinging coffee at the Big Bean, in October. We're all anxious to find out if Krista will finally deem one of her desperate suitors worthy of her time off the clock. Documentation of all the events in Krista's life can be found on her Instagram page, but, being the C.I.A. that we are, we took the liberty of hacking into her smartphone to retrieve posts seconds before they're released to the public, so we can get all the juicy details before anyone else!

Lenora and Marty Gruber **

** Available April 10th

These two old-timers have quite the grandson, Sam, who bought them a new smart refrigerator for their fiftieth anniversary. Trust us, you won't want to miss all the groceries they purchase each week, including chicken tikka masala, tapioca pudding, pears, and perishable medical creams. The fridge has excellent audio quality; you'll never tire of hearing how much they complain about each other. (Spoiler alert: Marty left the toilet seat up again!)

Leaving C.I.A. All-Access this month:

Taylor Finley **

** Taylor just upgraded his TV, so we promise to hack that for next season's programming.

Joel Traubman **

** Joel covered his laptop's camera with a piece of paper.

**Sarah Williams

** Sarah turned out to be a terrorist.