AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a Super Beard Bros fan fiction. If you don't want to be spoiled, go watch every episode of Super Beard Bros then come back. I wouldn't want to ruin the experience. Also, I recommend any young children viewing this story turn away. The Beard Bros. are cool dudes, so they're always fighting evil, and sometimes fights can get a little edgy and rough around the edges, y'know? Thanks for understanding. Now without further ado...

Jirard, Alex, and Another: An Unofficial TOVG Story

Chapter 1: When Beards Collide

It was a beautiful, sexy Spring afternoon. Steamy. Memey.

I remember when I first saw them there, in the store, beards fully grown. They were buying a sack of potatoes. King Kullen.

Something about their presence made me feel warm and moist inside. I followed them outside the store, and I watched them, peering from behind a telephone pole. They were loading up the potatoes in the trunk.

"Hey, man, you need some help with that?" Jirard said to his companion.

"Nah, man. #buffboys." Alex said in response.

"Yeah, man, #buffboys." Jirard said.

I was mesmerized by the exchange.

They hop into the car. Jirard starts driving at 70 mph. I chase after them on foot. He has yet to notice me at this point. I follow the car down several small roads, when suddenly, it happened.

A white van swings around the corner going 100 mph and drives off.

The Bros. stop the car, get out, and put on suits and hats. Alex felt like wearing The Broderick today. They began to refer to each other in different names.

"What're you waiting for, Cole! Get after him!" Jirard says to Alex.

"Shut the fuck up, Finbar, you fat, racist, alcoholic piece of shit!" Alex replied to his good friend.

They get in the car. I leap into the trunk unnoticed. Sirens on, baby.

We fly down the street in hot pursuit of the van. Alex got up pretty close several times, but slammed into a few trees, power lines, cars, and pedestrians.

My heart was pumping.

It was an intense, gripping fight. We kept inching closer, but would fall back, then inch closer, and back and forth.

Jirard was firing at the tires. Alex was really fucking salty. Eventually, those beefcakes got him.

The van spun out and flew 600 fucking feet in the air, and then landed on the ground. The driver was pulled out of the car by Alex.

"Cole Phelps, LAPD! Put your hands in the air like you just don't care! Even if you do care! It doesn't matter! All that matters is that Finbar over here will put a bullet through your head if you don't stick 'em up! You make me sick!" Alex said to the criminal.

After sending that guy to jail, Jirard and Alex go home to the SBB Mansion.

I am still in their trunk as they pull into their massive car garage.

Jirard goes inside and Alex starts bringing all the stuff inside the mansion.

Alex looks in the trunk and finds me.

"Yo, Jirard, there's a dude back here."

"Cool, man. Just bring him inside."

"Tight."

The Super Beard Bros were bringing me into their home.

They offer me a nice, candlelit dinner, which we all enjoyed together.

We had some small talk during the meal.

They asked me my name, which I told them.

They asked me where I was from.

I told them I live amongst the shadows, and that I don't really have a home.

"Oh, that's ok. You can live with us, right Alex?" Jirard said.

"Ye." Alex says in response. He was too infatuated with his steak in the shape of a Pikachu to really pay attention. So was I.

"We don't really have an extra room for you at this exact moment, but hold on one sec!" Jirard said.

"Patrick! Pack your bags! You're out!" Jirard yells upstairs.

In about 5 minutes I see a man leave the mansion with bags, and a vengeful scowl on his face.

We finish dinner and wash up.

I go to my new room, and the SBB tuck me in like I am their own child, ready for the adventures we will have in our new life together.

I am Shigeru Miyamoto, and this is my story.

TO BE CONTINUED