TOP PIZZA DELIVERY DUDES!

Welcome to another discussion revolving around everyone’s favorite and gooiest topic, P I Z Z A.

I think Uncle TNUC speaks for many of us in confessing that the thought of being a pizza delivery dude is something we’ve imagined doing at one time during this lifetime. Even if that meant filling out a job application for Pizza Hut, working for 1 night and then then throwing a cigarette butt in the manager’s face and quitting, it’s probably worth it just for the experience, right? There’s something about cruising around all night and delivering pizzas to stranger’s doorsteps that is alluring. Whether it’s the unknown adventure or slight dangerous aspect of who’s lurking behind the door, it’s a little bit exciting.

These pizza providing fantasies typically stem from watching movies. On so many occasions we’ve witnessed guys in goofy uniforms carrying big, steaming hot pizza sleeves, walking up to a house about to ring a doorbell and see where fate takes them. For some reason the most common scenario ends with the pizza guy being used or abused in some way (beat up, mugged, seduced, kidnapped, stiffed for a tip, etc.).

To honor these brave men of society (to this day I’ve never seen a pizza delivery lady), today we’re counting down our TOP PIZZA DELIVERY DUDES of all eternity!

#5 “Pizza Guy”

Restaurant: Pedros Pizza & Pancakes

Movie: Men At Work (1990)

Kicking off this countdown is our old pal “Chainsaw” from Summer School (Dean Cameron) who plays a pizza guy at the wrong place and wrong time in the trash truck driving epic Men At Work. When he shows up to Emilio Estevez’ place to drop off an innocent pie, he witnesses them wheeling a lifeless body through the apartment. Before he can split, the lunatic Vietnam vet played by Keith David decides very quickly that the pizza guy has seen too much. On top of having to wear that uniform in public, the guys kidnap him, put his head through a wall and cause the poor delivery boy a whole lot of heartache.

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#4 “Gary”

Restaurant: Pink Pizza

Movie: The Last American Virgin (1982)

This movie proves that being a virgin who delivers pizzas in a hot pink station wagon across the valley can eventually lead to endless adventures, even if that means getting into trouble. Dropping off pizzas allowed Gary and his friends to be invited inside the home of a mature nymphomaniac who wanted more than a hot lunch. In fact, she was seeking a triple-sausage special which if you haven’t seen the movie I won’t spoil it for you.

TNUC rates The Last American Virgin up there with the greats like Revenge of the Nerds and the Vacation movies. It’s THAT precious.

P.S. Pink Pizza also delivers beer with their pizza which is a monumental plus.

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#3 “Buddy”

Restaurant: Pizza Hut

Movie: Gleaming the Cube (1989)

Skateboarding icon Tony Hawk shows up with his floppy California-butthead hairdo as one of Christian Slater’s friends in 1989’s Gleaming the Cube. “Buddy” works for Pizza Hut….but not just any Pizza Hut…1980’S PIZZA HUT. You know, the place with the red vinyl booths, golden crust aroma, stained-glass chandeliers, brick walls and respectable pizza! Uncle T could go on for days about this golden era (and we have).

Buddy cruises around with his skater friends in the infamous and mysterious Pizza Hut red-roof-delivery-truck, which we actually spent an entire week researching it’s authenticity and existence a couple years ago. This little truck with epic proportions featured a miniature version of the restaurant’s signature red roof as it’s car topper. Even when I was younger and couldn’t drive a car, I wanted that little roof for the top of my backyard treehouse.

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#2 “Pizza Dude”

Restaurant: Domino’s

Movie: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

Some of these pizza delivery dudes deserve their entire performance to be posted in full video form, and the Domino’s pizza delivery dude from TMNT is definitely one of them.

There’s a lot to love about this movie, but what’s stuck with me the most throughout the years is the grimy and gritty portrayal of New York City. For a live action movie about four giant Turtles who know karate, the creators kept the movie as dark and real as they could swing for a PG rating. Scenes of mugging, warehouse parties, dank sewers, city creepers and secret underground clans kept kids on edge and never allowed the story to came across soft at all.

This pizza guy fits the aesthetic perfectly as he’s clearly built up a toughness for what strange shit comes his way in the city, as shown when he accepts a 10 dollar bill being handed up to him from a sewer. Instead of running off into the night when he hears voices from underground, he slips the Domino’s box through the grates and even complains when the Turtles don’t tip!

Fun Fact: “Pizza Dude” was played by Michelan Sisti who also played the Michaelangelo character inside the rubber costume!

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#1 “Pizza Boy”

Restaurant: Little Nero’s Pizza

Movie: Home Alone (1990)

During not only the greatest pizza delivery dude scene ever but also one of the best moments in motion picture history, Little Nero’s #1 pizza boy goes toe to toe with local professional prankster Kevin McCallister and the result is an all-out audio machine gun assault courtesy of an 8 year old. Other reasons why “Pizza Boy” rules this list:

• Patience level while trying to get the $122.50 someone in this rich obnoxious home owes him

• Speedy delivery. Ever notice how hot n’ steamy Kevin’s pizza is when he opens the box? Maximum respect, pizza boy.

• Crucial hair-flop under that Little Nero’s ball cap!

“Pizza Boy” joins an unbelievably rich group of legends in Home Alone including Kevin, Buzz, Fuller, Uncle Frank, Marv, Harry, a pet tarantula, Gus Polinski, Snakes, Johnny and Old Man Marley. There really isn’t much else to say about him…just go watch this holiday hit of the season!

HUNGRY now? Wet your appetite by revisiting our Ooey Gooey Cheesy Pizza Mixtape below!