A big tip o’ the hat to our friend Jason Gallagher for bringing this one to our attention, because it is amazing. Dirk Nowitzki recently sat down for a fun little interview (as best I can tell from my limited German, which is more largely known as “French”) with Fragenhagel of 1LIVE. Or maybe it’s the other way around; full disclosure, I’m not entirely sure. I am sure, however, that the interview is well worth your time, though you’ll need to turn on subtitles — and they run a little bit ahead of the audio, which is in German, so my advice is to concentrate on the subtitles and ignore your natural inclination to try to learn a bit of German while you listen to Dirk talk about farting, marriage, Barack Obama, Vladimir Putin, cheerleaders, and eternal sin.

After a few softball questions related to Dirk’s height and all-around awesome-osity, we get to the real meat of this interview. First, a question of conscience.

Always the pragmatist, that Dirk. Discussions of diapers and cheerleaders follow (trust me, it’ll make sense if you watch the video), before Dirk shows off his trilingual skills. Then our interviewer gets close to home by asking Dirk what he does that upsets his wife. In the storied tradition of German philosophers that came before him, Dirk uses the opportunity to describe the human condition.

To forever procrastinate is to forever be human (and to forever split infinitives). Of course, to be Dirk is to be divine, as one can only upset Nowitzki on the court. Off the court? He claims it’s impossible, for he is a boddhisattva.

From there, things get political. Would Dirk rather be in an elevator with Barack Obama or Angela Merkel?* He’d be good either way, since Dirk can have a conversation with anyone.

*Because the subtitles fly by so quickly, I initially read “Merkel” as “Mekel,” which made me think the question was one between Obama and Gal Mekel. One, that’s completely unfair. Mekel doesn’t stand a chance. Second, it makes Dirk’s declaration that Obama is a little bit more into sports double-take-worthy.

When asked if he has a message for Vladimir Putin, Dirk wastes no time and no words.

Again, the subtitles are slightly ahead of the video, which makes Dirk’s facial expression during his “Hello!” either menacing or amused. It’s a fine line with a warrior like Dirk Nowitzki.

A warrior who proceeds to sing the lullaby he sings to his daughter. D’aw. And now, the pièce de résistance: if Dirk could commit one eternal sin with impunity, which would it be? Difficult question, Dirk says.

…

Dirk, that is not an eternal sin. I’m not even sure it’s a sin, if you’re careful. Yet there’s no follow-up question, because no one’s around to ask Dirk the hard questions and force him to be accountable. What is this world coming to?

Check out the whole video, because it’s spectacular and a fun reminder of how good Dirk is on camera. Danke, Mr. Nowitzki. Danke beaucoup.