How can we miss him when he won’t go away?

Last night in Chicago, Obama was lucky he didn’t throw out his shoulder from patting himself on the back so much.

To paraphrase Dan Hicks in his song: We keep telling you day after day/But you won’t listen, you always stay and stay/How can we miss you when you won’t go away?

By the way, is the speech over yet? How many first-person references did he have to make to himself before he won the bet?

Did you hear him mention “the quiet dignity of working people?”

How the hell would he know? He doesn’t know any working people, except as “deplorables” or “bitter clingers.”

Sadly, Obama forgot to mention so many of his greatest accomplishments:

Fast and Furious … the IRS’s persecution of the Tea Party … millions of illegal aliens on welfare … 333 rounds of golf (and nine days left!), 217 days of vacation (costing $95 million) … the VA … one in 20 adult Americans on “disability” … 95.1 million Americans out of the work force … an additional 10.7 million Americans on food stamps ….

You want more numbers? A health care plan that cost $3,750 in 2015 would cost an average of $5,250 this year. As Dave Barry described the so-called Affordable Care Act: “If you liked your doctor, maybe you’ll like your new doctor.”

“Hello Chicago,” he began. “It’s good to be home.”

Home? His first lie, at 9:02 p.m..

“We have shown the capacity to change.”

As we did on Nov. 8. And now, Jan. 20 will mark the end of an error.

Ten minutes in, he finally got around to blaming Bush. In a rush, Obama mentioned how he “shut down Iran’s nuclear capacity without firing a shot.” Yeah, right.

Then he mentioned “marriage equality.” Perhaps you recall, he was for gay marriage before he was against gay marriage before he was for gay marriage. And last night he took credit for … flip-flopping.

You were supposed to overlook all those little lies. Like his repeated bows to “the rule of law,” as if he and Eric Holder and Lois Lerner and Tim Geithner and the rest of them cared in the slightest about the law.

“We remain the wealthiest, most powerful nation on earth.”

No thanks to you, pal.

“The unemployment rate is near a 10-year low.”

That’s because 14.9 million more Americans have given up looking for jobs in his socialist-strangled, red-tape-ruined economy.

At 9:17 p.m. he lamented the fate of the middle class. As if he hasn’t been president for these last eight dismal years.

“We’re going to have to forge a new social safety net.”

We? You’re outta here, bub. Elections have consequences, as somebody once said. Like life, as the Bard would say, a politician’s but a walking shadow that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more.

“Violent fanatics who claim to speak for Islam.” He still can’t bring himself to call them terrorists. But hey, ISIS is just the junior varsity, right Barry?

How can we miss him when he won’t go away.

Listen to Howie from 3-7 p.m. on WRKO AM 680.