David Cameron asks Chinese for tips on dealing with student uprisings

After promising to bring to justice all violent protesters from yesterday’s student protests, David Cameron confirmed he has been given a number of useful tips from his new Chinese friends on how to quell a student uprising.

Yesterday’s events took a dramatic turn with thousands of enraged students attacking the Conservative Party offices in Millbank, much to the confusion of the Conservatives who now have new offices in Downing Street or Whitehall as is traditional for the party who won the election.

An NUS spokesman was today quoted as saying “We do not undertake demonstrations of this nature lightly, but we have found other forms of protest to be ineffective. We had all students members engage in strike action last week, but frankly no-one even noticed.”

David Cameron is said to be horrified by the extent of the damage caused by the protest and has asked the Chinese government for practical tips on dealing with student uprisings, who were only too happy to offer some proven methods of student control.

Student Uprising

The Chinese are understood to have provided some ‘good ideas’ and Mr Cameron has contacted the NUS to suggest that they stage another protest at the same time next week.

He has initially suggested Trafalgar Square as a possible venue, but is also open to Leicester or Russell Square.

A government source said “He’s very keen for the next protest to be in a Square. The Chinese government indicated that this bit was really quite important.”

Reports that HM forces have been requested to ‘keep some tanks free for the next week or so’ remain unconfirmed.