EIGHT STEPS TO SURVIVE THE REPTOCALYPSE

Most people assume it’s impossible for shapeshifting reptilian humanoids to really be walking amongst us. Those fools will be the first to be abducted and eaten during the Reptocalypse. Reptilians may currently be small in numbers but they occupy the majority of high ranking positions in government and Fortune 500 companies.

The “unbelievability” barrier must be shattered if you want to survive the Reptocalypse. Reptilians are counting on your willful ignorance and assumption that anyone who believes in things like Reptilian conspiracies are crazy. For the reptilians, labeling anyone trying to expose them as crazy is the most effective way to dismiss them.

Would you rather be called crazy or have your vital fluids sucked out by emotionless shapeshifting reptiles?

If you think that it will “never happen to you” because you’ve never heard about it on the news, think again. The likelihood of actual “truth” ever getting past the Reptilian news machine is about as likely as Reptonald J. Trump being a human being: none.

It’s only a matter of time before all critical leadership positions are completely reptilian. Once they’ve achieved 95% domination they’ll initiate the Reptocalypse, giving you precious time to evade capture and death. Ask the poor lizards of Papua, New Guinea how they felt living under the rule of the cruel heartless Reptilians.

So now you know, it’s time to act. You’ll need to be very diligent to survive the deadly Reptocalypse, they don’t call it survival of the fittest for nothing.

STEP ONE: KNOW THE ENEMY

Read as much Paranoid Echo Chamber as your mind can physically handle. The first step to not getting abducted and drained of your vital fluids by intergalactic reptiles is to admit the Reptilian threat is very real and coming fast. By cultivating awareness and the cosmic gift of paranoia you’ll begin to pick up the subtle clues and spot a Reptilian if you see one, which is harder than you might assume.

STEP TWO: KEEP YOUR COOL

For the sake of survival, don’t worry about appearing tough if challenged. The surrender tactic works well against Reptilians who feel the need to dominate others, challenging them will only make them thirstier to drink your vital fluids. If you’re in a pinch, start asking questions about how they became so successful – reptilians love to talk about themselves and their accomplishments. Once you’ve lulled them into a false state of security, slowly walk away from them keeping as still as possible as they only sense movement.

STEP THREE: ERASE YOUR IDENTITY

Make a chain email or social media post telling friends and loved ones you must leave the country to go on a “spiritual retreat” for an unfixed length of time. Then, delete all internet handles, close all bank accounts, sell your house and as many possessions as you can.

You’ll need as much liquid cash as possible to survive, and hauling a suitcase full of useless shit will only make you stand out. It may be hard to say goodbye to your friends and family, but just know that you don’t know if they’re even really human anyway. Anyone can be abducted and have their identity assumed by a reptilian, so make no assumptions.

STEP FOUR: GET OUT

Take as many buses as you can, paying only cash and don’t use your local airport or train station. It’s recommended to travel alone, but if you’re willing to take the risk that your family and or friends are secretly Reptilian spies there are safe ways to bring them along. Don’t claim to be going together, don’t talk in public or sit together.

Throw off the Reptilian’s trail, claim to be headed to separate destinations and only pick places Reptilians avoid such as the poorest regions in India, Africa, and South America. Reptilians only travel in major “first world” regions, except of course for Papua, New Guinea they’re adopted homeland.

STEP FIVE: FIND SHELTER

Using wealth and civilization as your barometer for what to avoid, find an unsuspecting place to lay your hat. The only location Paranoid Echo Chamber can safely recommend is purchasing a motorhome, boat or submarine you can live on. If you’re not into the mobile lifestyle then pick an impoverished area where you can get by paying cash better that then ending up as food for the Reptocalypse.

Once you have shelter, start gathering resources – food, water, gasoline, solar panels, batteries, burner phones and lots of spices, ginger, and garlic. Reptilians can’t stand garlic and ginger, so make it a habit to keep some nearby at all times. If you know how to safely handle firearms bring them with you, but just know that you’re more likely to shoot yourself or a loved one by accident or on purpose than an enemy if you’re not properly trained.

STEP SIX: STAY PARANOID

You will be tempted to think that because you’ve safely erased your identity, gotten away, and are now living life safely tucked away that you can let your guard down. That’s the kind of thinking that will lead the Reptilians right to you. Just assume that facial tracking software ran against the millions of surveillance cameras and social media posts will spot you in a heartbeat the second you let your guard down.

Drastically alter your appearance to make you unrecognizable to facial recognition trackers, as well as change the way you walk to avoid gait analyzers and using a fake voice in public. This may be difficult to do at first, the simplest way to practice is to pick a character from film or television and mimic it to the best of your ability. If you’re really having trouble, pick a crippled character or pretend to be blind.

STEP SEVEN: SURVIVE

Once you’ve got your disguise, resources and more you need to plan for the Reptocalypse for real. Bury as much food, water and supplies as you can afford in geocaches underground in remote locations nearby. Buy a second vehicle with cash and keep it hidden somewhere on the outskirts of town so you can get away when the shit hits the fan.

Secure a hideout. If you think your remote location is hidden enough, but think again. There are so many satellite cameras on the earth that the only place you’ll truly be safe is underwater, in caves or underground but. You don’t need to live there full time, but you do need to have a hideout set up somewhere. Abandoned buildings will work in a pinch but they are still fairly dangerous.

STEP EIGHT: LIVE

The hardest thing you may find when living alone, disconnected from society is struggling with the will to live. You may be wondering, “What’s the point of evading capture if I don’t even want to live anymore?” and battling suicide may be the hardest challenge you face.

In those low moments consider taking on an animal companion and while they attract some attention, they’ll give you a reason to keep going and provide some relief. Take comfort in the fact that existence is suffering and focus on surviving to find meaning within the suffering. Religion may also be able to provide some comfort, but avoid religious organizations as they are undoubtedly Reptilian.

They’re too unsafe to discuss openly in this Reptoaclypse survival guide but there will be networks and resources available to help you keep in contact with the resistance. We can’t tell you how to contact them yet, but if you read enough paranoid echo chamber you’ll be able to find us – and hopefully find other paranoid echo chamberers to start your new life with.

Following these Eight steps, and you may just make it out alive if you’re lucky.