FORT POLK, La. – Outgoing Specialist Tyrone Miller held a stirring and widely attended Change of Co-Sham ceremony at the smoke pit next to the North Fort Troop Store Monday, sources close to Miller report.

“I want you all to remember not only what we did during my time here, but what we avoided doing during my time here,” said Miller, to the loosely gathered formation of soldiers, unified only by their hands in their pockets. “Never forget the naps we took in the back of the motor pool. Never forget when we all said Nelson was at dental when it was time for his piss test.”

Miller, who will be moving to his next duty assignment at Fort Carson after falling short on the promotion boards an astounding three years in a row, has chosen not to select an incoming co-shammer, but let his fellow specialists exercise mission command in forming small, tight groupings of shammers able to exercise prudent shamming risk.

“Miller always knew exactly what to say to de-motivate us,” said Spc. Mike Higgins, a light vehicle mechanic who often joined Miller for long police calls. “He’s really going to be missed around here, no matter how hard it was to find him when he was here.”

Miller’s outgoing shammer speech lasted a frustratingly long six minutes, two minutes of which was spent packing chew.

Higgins, who has eyes on stepping up as a shamming leader, has developed a bold new vision and set unit priorities of no running profiles, signing each other in for resiliency training, and improving the liquor hidey hole in the class IX storage room.