This is the second part of what I expect to be a series of articles where I propose aligning the constitution with god, mine. This post builds off of the first installment, which you might want to read first.

A few minutes watching TV, especially male focused TV like sports, and one gets assaulted by the advertising for ED prescriptions and male enhancements pills. The ads are more than a little suggestive, and hard to explain to my 4 and 9 year old daughters when and if they watch hockey games with me.

Nurses (Ali’s coined term for breasts, as in that is where a mommy ‘nurses’ her baby) slipping out of a top during the Super Bowl, easy to explain. A male erection, not so easy.

Thank you Ali, for adding a new term for breast to the American language. I can hear it already. (Insert surfer accent here, think Spicolly from Fast Times at Ridgemont High.) “Whoa, dude, check out those nurses!” And he isn’t talking about hospital employees either.

I digress. Lets get back to the sin at hand.

The advertisements are offensive to me, and therefore god.

A few years ago the conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh was arrested when re-entering the country because he had a prescription bottle of Viagra, written for someone else. Eventually the charges were dropped, apparently the doctor had requested a different name be placed on the bottle to protect Mr. Limbaugh’s privacy. Fine, I can live with that. And god tells me she can too.

What God and I can’t live with is, regarding a little discussed fact of the case, is that RUSH LIMBAUGH WAS/IS AN UNMARRIED MAN!!!!!

An unmarried man, traveling with a prescription for Viagra, a drug meant to raise a man’s flag when they can’t do it themselves. Why would a single man go to the Dominican Republic with a prescription for ED?

Google “Dominican Republic sex industry“.

Oh, that’s why. Well that clears that up. At least the reason for the trip, if not the sordid details.

Imagine it, a conservative pundit not living up the standard he so callously pushes on everybody else. The shock. The horror.

Actually, it seems like this happens at least once a week to one of them.

I can accept a man who chooses medicine over god’s will to lower his flag. Though I find it hypocritical to trust in god then medically treat the ailments she gives you. It’s not right, but I can accept some people are less virulent (god’s will) than others and need a little man-made help.

But not if you aren’t married.

To a woman.

If you are a man.

Not a dog.

Or a cat.

Or a woman.

Dogs and cats, go read something else.

OK, I’ve confused the issue. Let me begin again, marriage between a man and woman, Viagra OK. Not good, but OK. All those other marriages, I’ll discuss in another post. Single men, NO Viagra. (Sorry Rush, god has determined you need to keep your flag in your pants.)

And so, as my first proposed amendment to the constitution, to align it with god, we shall limit the distribution of ED prescriptions to any male or female with a VALID marriage license. I, I mean god, will determine what is valid. Through me, of course. And we’ll throw in a blurb limiting all advertisements for ED drugs, and for that matter anything remotely sexual or doing with female hygiene, to C-Span. They need the viewers.

Who said god isn’t merciful?

For those of you wondering why I said females can get the prescription, let me just add that a properly subservient wife will notice when her man gets a little down, and will slip these pills to him without him knowing it. Good for his ego.

Please note, I don’t advocate this for the woman’s benefit.

Though god might, she’s big on women’s issues.

(Go figure).

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