<<if $overlay eq "yes">>

You hit shift tab and respond: "Got time for 1. Send inv."



You land in a lobby with four friends. Their ranks might be intimidating, but these are honest Counter-Strike folk with excellent knowledge of the meta-game. They've been playing since 1.6 and have taught you almost everything you know.



"Skype?"

"Sure!"



You join the call during a discussion of map choices. Some of the team are a bit sick of Dust II, and are trying to remove it from the selection. You glance at your [[inventory|inventory]] tab.



Do you vote to [[include Dust II|mpincludedust]] in the list, or spice things up a bit with some of the [[lesser played maps|mpremovedust]]?



<<endif>><<if $overlay eq "no">>In your eagerness to play what is arguably the greatest game of all time, you forgot to enable the Steam Overlay after your fresh install, and can't respond to your friend in time.



Looks like you're [[queuing solo|sololobby]]<<endif>>

Wow. You are the ultimate douche. You agreed to a game of Counter-Strike: Global Offensive with friends, then quit.



Your friends remove you from their friend lists. At first you find it humourous. "It's just a game!" you exclaim, as a lonely tear splashes off your C key.



Your browser sits on your desktop, displaying reddit/r/globaloffensive. You haven't checked it since your last toilet break. Probably worth a browse.



OMG! Someone has leaked information on an upcoming patch. There might be details about new modes or, even better, an image of a skin. You study every detail.



[[The doorbell rings|friendsaltf4doorbell]]

<html><pre>

_-----------------------------------_

// //|

//-================================-//||

// // ||

//-================================-///|||

//__________________________________////|||

+-|--|-|--|---------------|--|-|--|-/||//||

| ---- | +---------------+ | ---- |||/ ||

| || | +---------------------+ || | || ||

| ---- |/ | ---- || ||

| || | || //\ | || | || /||

| || | || // \\ | || | || / ||

| || | || // B \\ | || | ||/ /|/

| || | || \\ // | || | || / /

| || | || ======= | || | ||/ /

| || | || \// | || | || /

| ||_| ||____________________| ||_| ||/

---/ ---/ ---/ ---/

</pre></html>



The Counter Terrorist's never manage to gain momentum, and you win the match 16-9. You get a Bravo Case from Uncle Gabe and open it immediately. It contains an Emerald Dragon P90! Nice!



[[The doorbell rings|winending]]

<<endif>>

But it seems you went too far. Sniprsexbomb calls a vote to kick you, and it's passed within seconds. You are booted from the game.



You hit Alt F4. Counter-Strike: Global Offensive closes down abruptly.



Your browser sits on your desktop displaying reddit/r/globaloffensive. You haven't checked it since your last toilet break. Probably worth a browse.



OMG! Someone has leaked information on an upcoming patch. There might be details about new modes or, even better, an image of a skin! You study every detail.



[[The doorbell rings|solopretendwarmupfailfriends]]



<html><pre>

_-----------------------------------_

// //|

//-================================-//||

// // ||

//-================================-///|||

//__________________________________////|||

+-|--|-|--|---------------|--|-|--|-/||//||

| ---- | +---------------+ | ---- |||/ ||

| || | +---------------------+ || | || ||

| ---- |/ | ---- || ||

| || | || //\ | || | || /||

| || | || // \\ | || | || / ||

| || | || // B \\ | || | ||/ /|/

| || | || \\ // | || | || / /

| || | || ======= | || | ||/ /

| || | || \// | || | || /

| ||_| ||____________________| ||_| ||/

---/ ---/ ---/ ---/

</pre></html>



The Counter Terrorist's never manage to gain momentum, and you win the match 16-9. You get a Bravo Case from Uncle Gabe and open it immediately. An MP-9 Hot Rod! Handy for showing off in warm-up.



[[The doorbell rings|winending]]

<html><pre>

_-----------------------------------_

// //|

//-================================-//||

// // ||

//-================================-///|||

//__________________________________////|||

+-|--|-|--|---------------|--|-|--|-/||//||

| ---- | +---------------+ | ---- |||/ ||

| || | +---------------------+ || | || ||

| ---- |/ | ---- || ||

| || | || //\ | || | || /||

| || | || // \\ | || | || / ||

| || | || // A \\ | || | ||/ /|/

| || | || \\ // | || | || / /

| || | || ======= | || | ||/ /

| || | || \// | || | || /

| ||_| ||____________________| ||_| ||/

---/ ---/ ---/ ---/

</pre></html>

The excellent decision steadies your economy for later rounds. It's close, but you emerge victorious, 16-13. You get a standard weapon case from Uncle Gabe, and open it immediately.



A Palm Negev. Next time, eh?



[[The doorbell rings.|winending]]



You spend the warmup shooting the Counter Terrorists ankles, chuckling to yourself. Why don't all players do this? They probably think you're a BOT lol! You fire your P90 into the wall as your opponents close in on spawn. Hilarious.



The French and Russians appear to be enjoying it too. You can hear them whooping. This is great! This could be the greatest match of your life.



Your bluffery escalates. Now you're shooting members of your own team, and sarcastically apologising over voice comms. It's just the warmup! Once the game starts proper in you'll [[sharpen up and dominate|solopretendwarmupfail]].

<html><pre>

\\ \ \\\\\\\/\\\ ||||| | | || s || / / / // /

\\\ \\\\\\\\ | s || | ------- // /// //

\\\ \\ ---------- s | s / /| / / /

\\ \\\ \ /--------// S s /------/ | s / /

\ \\\ |--------|| S S | |__X |x| / ///

\\\ \\ \ ||XXXXXXX-\\ S S | |_x| | | s ////

\ \\ ||XXXXXXXXX\\__ S_ | |__| | |s //

\\ ||XXXXXXXXXXXXX\\ S//| | | | S // //

\\ \ ||XXXXXXXXXXXXXX\\_||| | | |S / /

\ ||XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX|||===| o= | S

\\ ---------|-------------------|/---| o= x| /-------

/ _ --------------------- |xo= x|/ /|

\ / _(__) - /+++++++++++++/| __ ----x--/ / | -

/ ((| | - /+++++++++++++/ / (||) ---- ---/ /

/ –|__| |_____________|/ )__( / / / -

- /-----------------------------------------------/--/ /

|___/ - - _ _ - | / --

- ----------------------------------/----------------|/ --

| -|| | || // | || | || -

/ | || |-|/________ ======== ___| || |-|/_______

/// | || --/ // | -|| --/ /

//// / =/| || // | || /= \

============|- ||===========// - | || /

/ | || -- |- || -- /= \

=/ | || -- | || / \\

/ - |--|/ -- - | |/ - /= \ \\

=/-- ---/ -- ---/ / \\ \\\

/______________________________________________/=

</pre></html>

Your browser sits on your desktop, displaying reddit/r/globaloffensive. You haven't checked it since your last toilet break. Probably worth a browse.



OMG! Someone has leaked information on an upcoming patch. There might be details about new modes or, even better, an image of a skin! You study every detail.



[[The doorbell rings|redditdoorbell]]

<html><pre>

\\ \ \\\\\\\/\\\ ||||| | | || s || / / / // /

\\\ \\\\\\\\ | s || | ------- // /// //

\\\ \\ ---------- s | s / /| / / /

\\ \\\ \ /--------// S s /------/ | s / /

\ \\\ |--------|| S S | |__X |x| / ///

\\\ \\ \ ||XXXXXXX-\\ S S | |_x| | | s ////

\ \\ ||XXXXXXXXX\\__ S_ | |__| | |s //

\\ ||XXXXXXXXXXXXX\\ S//| | | | S // //

\\ \ ||XXXXXXXXXXXXXX\\_||| | | |S / /

\ ||XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX|||===| o= | S

\\ ---------|-------------------|/---| o= x| /-------

/ _ --------------------- |xo= x|/ /|

\ / _(__) - /+++++++++++++/| __ ----x--/ / | -

/ ((| | - /+++++++++++++/ / (||) ---- ---/ /

/ –|__| |_____________|/ )__( / / / -

- /-----------------------------------------------/--/ /

|___/ - - _ _ - | / --

- ----------------------------------/----------------|/ --

| -|| | || // | || | || -

/ | || |-|/________ ======== ___| || |-|/_______

/// | || --/ // | -|| --/ /

//// / =/| || // | || /= \

============|- ||===========// - | || /

/ | || -- |- || -- /= \

=/ | || -- | || / \\

/ - |--|/ -- - | |/ - /= \ \\

=/-- ---/ -- ---/ / \\ \\\

/______________________________________________/=

</pre></html>



An hour has passed and you haven't got your Counter-Strike: Global Offensive fix. Your friends are cheerful enough, but you alienate them by blabbering on about your issues with the Russians and French. They leave earlier than planned as a result.



As they descend the stairs you hear them muttering to each other about your apparent xenophobia. It upsets you.



Tonight has been sad. This was not how it was meant to be. If only you'd played a game of Counter-Strike: Global Offensive before they arrived, eh?



Anger descends. You rip your monitor from the desk and throw it at your computer tower. "Forget it Counter-Strike! Forget it Gabe! Fuck everything I ever once loved!"



Everything is destroyed. All is gone.



GAME OVER.

<<silently>>

<<set $nosplash = "no">>

<<set $overlay = "no">>

<<set $shortcut = "no">>

<<set $deleted = "no">>

<<set $review = "no">>

<<set $sp = "no">>

<<set $p250 = "no">>

<<endsilently>>

<html><pre>

-------

--------------------- / /|

/-------------------/| /------/ |

|-------------------|| | |__| | |

|| ||| | |__| | |

, || S T E A M ||| | |__| | |

, || ||| | | |

S || LOADING ||| | | |

S || |||===| o= | |

----S----|-------------------|/---| o= | /-------

/ _S --------------------- | o= |/ /|

/ _(__) /+++++++++++++/| __ -------/ / |

/ ((| | /+++++++++++++/ / (||) / /

/ –|__| |_____________|/ )__( / /

/--------------------------------------------------/ /

| | /

---------------------------------------------------|/

| || | || // | || | ||

| || | |/________ ======== ___| || | |/_______

| || --/ // | || --/ /

=/| || // | || /=

============| ||===========// | || /

/ | || | || /=

=/ | || | || /

/ | |/ | |/ /=

=/ ---/ ---/ /

/______________________________________________/=

</pre></html>

Non-gamer friends are due to arrive in one hour's time. You sit at your computer desk with a hot beverage. Life is great.



You boot the PC and lean back in your office chair as Steam loads. Instinctively, you move the cursor to Counter-Strike: Global Offensive - the only reason you use your "favourites" tab these days. You've recently moved OS to a new SSD, you can't wait to analyse the potential performance boost.



The rest of your games are listed below. They now act as a reminder of your past, though you keep a few installed in-case of unscheduled maintenance from your ISP.



You reminisce about the olden days: a more honest time before you discovered expensive weapon crates and five-player matchmaking. Those days are long gone.



Or are they?

<<if $delete eq "yes">>Thank god for your terabit connection eh? Let's not make that mistake again.<<endif>>

[[Left click Counter-Strike: Global Offensive|mainmenu]]

[[Right click Counter-Strike: Global Offensive|rightclick]]

[[Play something else|somethingelse]]

[[Browse reddit/r/globaloffensive|reddit]]



<html><pre>

\\ \ \\\\\\\/\\\ ||||| | | || s || / / / // /

\\\ \\\\\\\\ | s || | ------- // /// //

\\\ \\ ---------- s | s / /| / / /

\\ \\\ \ /--------// S s /------/ | s / /

\ \\\ |--------|| S S | |__X |x| / ///

\\\ \\ \ ||XXXXXXX-\\ S S | |_x| | | s ////

\ \\ ||XXXXXXXXX\\__ S_ | |__| | |s //

\\ ||XXXXXXXXXXXXX\\ S//| | | | S // //

\\ \ ||XXXXXXXXXXXXXX\\_||| | | |S / /

\ ||XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX|||===| o= | S

\\ ---------|-------------------|/---| o= x| /-------

/ _ --------------------- |xo= x|/ /|

\ / _(__) - /+++++++++++++/| __ ----x--/ / | -

/ ((| | - /+++++++++++++/ / (||) ---- ---/ /

/ –|__| |_____________|/ )__( / / / -

- /-----------------------------------------------/--/ /

|___/ - - _ _ - | / --

- ----------------------------------/----------------|/ --

| -|| | || // | || | || -

/ | || |-|/________ ======== ___| || |-|/_______

/// | || --/ // | -|| --/ /

//// / =/| || // | || /= \

============|- ||===========// - | || /

/ | || -- |- || -- /= \

=/ | || -- | || / \\

/ - |--|/ -- - | |/ - /= \ \\

=/-- ---/ -- ---/ / \\ \\\

/______________________________________________/=

</pre></html>



An hour has passed and you haven't got your Counter-Strike: Global Offensive fix. Your friends are cheerful enough, but you alienate them by blabbering on about the stubbornness of the Counter-Strike: Global Offensive community. They leave earlier than planned as a result.



As they descend the stairs from your apartment, you hear them muttering about your vitriolic nature and obsession with competitive video games. It upsets you.



Tonight has been sad. This was not how it was meant to be. If only you'd played a game of Counter-Strike: Global Offensive before they arrived, eh?



Anger descends. You rip your monitor from the desk and throw it at your computer tower. "Forget it Counter-Strike! Forget it Gabe! Fuck everything I ever once loved!"



Everything is destroyed. All is gone.



GAME OVER.

It's your non-gamer friends! Great.



You are pleasant company, but the loss puts you in a grumpy mood. As the night progresses, you loosen up and have an enjoyable evening.



If only you'd won your game of Counter-Strike: Global Offensive though, eh? Who knows what might have happened.



GAME OVER.

<html><pre> . .

# . _______

' . **> ___--|-------|---_ B O O M !!

** **# **'** / / / \_

**'*>* **X*** / / / \

* < * *X* *** / | | \

*** **'*x*#<x(> | | (======= = = -

*****'*'*=x>x#)) | | |

<. # *## X#>x#) | | _______\

.*#*><# x>=#*| _|____| / ______|

x <XX*X* '*** |----_/ _____ \____/_/====| |

X'''>*#* * |-| / \ _____|====((\|

**''>#'<* ** \/____/ |-- \\____/ \

*' ' *'* |___ | |- \___//(__)

* ' **' || |\_____/| -- / / (\

. . | \_____/ -- / __/ .

** < \ \\ / //__( :

. \\ \ \\ / / ____)

===== \ \\______ ( .

. / \=====\______||| ) .

//=== \\_______/

/ \===== \\\ \\

/--- \===============-\

|_________________________\\____\

</pre></html>



You were right to trust your teammates. They clean up the Counter Terrorists on A long as another pops his head up from banana. You're in a perfect position to take him down, and you do with a pixel perfect headshot.



[[The match continues...|multiasplitdontrushbanwin]]



<html><pre> . .

# . _______

' . **> ___--|-------|---_ B O O M !!

** **# **'** / / / \_

**'*>* **X*** / / / \

* < * *X* *** / | | \

*** **'*x*#<x(> | | (======= = = -

*****'*'*=x>x#)) | | |

<. # *## X#>x#) | | _______\

.*#*><# x>=#*| _|____| / ______|

x <XX*X* '*** |----_/ _____ \____/_/====| |

X'''>*#* * |-| / \ _____|====((\|

**''>#'<* ** \/____/ |-- \\____/ \

*' ' *'* |___ | |- \___//(__)

* ' **' || |\_____/| -- / / (\

. . | \_____/ -- / __/ .

** < \ \\ / //__( :

. \\ \ \\ / / ____)

===== \ \\______ ( .

. / \=====\______||| ) .

//=== \\_______/

/ \===== \\\ \\

/--- \===============-\

|_________________________\\____\

</pre></html>

You fan out across the map, communicating every audio cue, every glimpse of the enemy.



It gives your team a massive advantage over the enemy, enabling you to pick them off one-by-one with co-ordinated ambushes and perfectly timed pop-flashes.<<if $p250 eq "yes">>

You score three kills with your P250. The stellar performance puts you at the top of the leaderboard earning sincere compliments from your teammates.<<endif>>



It's textbook Counter-Strike: Global Offensive.



[[The match continues|multicoolwin]]

<html><pre>

\\ \ \\\\\\\/\\\ ||||| | | || s || / / / // /

\\\ \\\\\\\\ | s || | ------- // /// //

\\\ \\ ---------- s | s / /| / / /

\\ \\\ \ /--------// S s /------/ | s / /

\ \\\ |--------|| S S | |__X |x| / ///

\\\ \\ \ ||XXXXXXX-\\ S S | |_x| | | s ////

\ \\ ||XXXXXXXXX\\__ S_ | |__| | |s //

\\ ||XXXXXXXXXXXXX\\ S//| | | | S // //

\\ \ ||XXXXXXXXXXXXXX\\_||| | | |S / /

\ ||XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX|||===| o= | S

\\ ---------|-------------------|/---| o= x| /-------

/ _ --------------------- |xo= x|/ /|

\ / _(__) - /+++++++++++++/| __ ----x--/ / | -

/ ((| | - /+++++++++++++/ / (||) ---- ---/ /

/ –|__| |_____________|/ )__( / / / -

- /-----------------------------------------------/--/ /

|___/ - - _ _ - | / --

- ----------------------------------/----------------|/ --

| -|| | || // | || | || -

/ | || |-|/________ ======== ___| || |-|/_______

/// | || --/ // | -|| --/ /

//// / =/| || // | || /= \

============|- ||===========// - | || /

/ | || -- |- || -- /= \

=/ | || -- | || / \\

/ - |--|/ -- - | |/ - /= \ \\

=/-- ---/ -- ---/ / \\ \\\

/______________________________________________/=

</pre></html>



The doorbell rings. An hour has passed and you haven't got your Counter-Strike: Global Offensive fix. Your friends are cheerful enough, but you alienate them by breaking down and weeping about how you've just lost your closest friends due to a moment of idiocy online. They leave earlier than planned as a result.



As they descend the stairs you hear them muttering to each other about your lack of respect and insulting nature.



Tonight has been sad. This was not how it was meant to be. If only you hadn't hit Alt F4 at such a ridiculous time, eh?



Anger descends. You rip your monitor from the desk and throw it at your computer tower. "Forget it Counter-Strike! Forget it Gabe! Fuck everything I ever once loved!"



Everything is destroyed. All is gone.



GAME OVER.

The team acknowledges your suggestion. This could end up spectacular. You are a unit, formed by the magic of matchmaking.



You're feeling cocky, but how cocky, exactly?



[[Attempt a 360 spin off the barrels|solobrushflash360]]

[[Play it cool and drop down sensibly|solobrushflashdrop]]



<html><pre>

_-----------------------------------_

// //|

//-================================-//||

// // ||

//-================================-///|||

//__________________________________////|||

+-|--|-|--|---------------|--|-|--|-/||//||

| ---- | +---------------+ | ---- |||/ ||

| || | +---------------------+ || | || ||

| ---- |/ | ---- || ||

| || | || //\ | || | || /||

| || | || // \\ | || | || / ||

| || | || // A \\ | || | ||/ /|/

| || | || \\ // | || | || / /

| || | || ======= | || | ||/ /

| || | || \// | || | || /

| ||_| ||____________________| ||_| ||/

---/ ---/ ---/ ---/

</pre></html>

You gain the unbridled trust of your team. As the match continues, things go from good to great. Callouts, tactical discussions, eco rounds when necessary.



You win the game 16-6 and get an Alpha Weapon Case from Uncle Gabe. You open it immediatey. A Lichen Dashed SSG 08. Meh.



[[The doorbell rings.|winending]]

You mis-time the 360, taking fall damage in the process.



"Noob," pops up in chat. Even worse, the 360 slowed you, and now the bomb carrier has overtaken you through tunnels. You attempt to flash, but it bounces off his head, blinding your entire team.



A Counter Terrorist emerges from lower dark, taking out the bomb carrier with a swift headshot. Moments later, a flurry of P2000 fire flies through the tunnels, taking out the rest of your blinded team.



You retreat towards Terrorist spawn, aware that your deceased teammates are watching your every move. Maybe you should rotate?



<<if $p250 eq "no">>It was a noob mistake, no doubt. Why did you do the 360? Why did you throw a flash grenade at the bomb carrier's head?



As you dwell on your mistakes, two Counter Terrorists pop out of upper dark and pepper you with bullets. You drop and spectate their double teabagging as the round fades. This was a fail of most epic proportions.



"Unistlal CS"

"Nvert play Cs afain, noob"

"U fuking suck, man"



You [[rage quit|altf4]]

<<endif>><<if $p250 eq "yes">>[[It's the only option|solobrushflash360p250]]

<<endif>>

Five minutes have passed.



Should you [[continue to wait|keepwaiting3]] or [[add Dust II|mpincludedust]] to the map list?



[[Hit Alt F4|friendaltf4]]

You stop in your tracks and pull back, blocking your teammates as they attempt to push. Two HE grenades fly through the door. 10 health remaining.



Disorientated, your team huddle and blind fire through the doors, shooting each other in the process. Your clips empty in unison as two Counter Terrorists storm in, knives in hand. They slice the entire team to shreds, scoring a ridiculous five kills.



"WTF was that?"

"Y did u stop moving, FUkng noob?"

"FIVE KNIFE KILLS LOL" types the other team into chat.

"Unistal CSgO."

"Uninstl Counter-Strike."

"Fuk off noob."



This is possibly the most humiliating round of Counter-Strike you've ever witnessed, and you were the cause. <<if $p250 eq "yes">>You didn't even get a kill on the P250. <<endif>>



You [[rage quit|altf4]].

"Trust me. Get AKs. Seriously. Buy AKs, guys. Please."



The team follows your lead. Five AKs in the bag. No armour. A smattering of grenades.



Your team splits in an attempt to gain some intel. 20 seconds into the round you're ambushed by three Counter Terrorists who swipe your rifle, giving the Counter Terrorist's star player your case hardended beast way earlier than necessary. He proceeds to pick off the rest of your team and scores an unlikely win.



The AKS were overkill for round 2.



You never gain momentum and lose the match 16-4. Even worse, you don't get a drop from Uncle Gabe.



The [[doorbell rings|lossending]].

"The game of a generation. Travel the globe and gather the most wonderful objects created by man. Put them in a magic bag with a pile of moondust. The contents of said bag would still suck in comparison to Counter-Strike: Global Offensive. 10/10."<<set $review = "yes">>



You earn a Steam badge for your informative review. Four of your friends immediately Like it.

<<if "overlay" eq "no">>The lack of notifications reminds you that your Steam overlay is not enabled. It's probably worth fixing it by right clicking and accessing properties.<<endif>>

[[Left click Counter-Strike: Global Offensive|mainmenu]]

[[Right click Counter-Stike: Global Offensive|rightclick]]

[[Play something else|somethingelse]]



Contrary to the garbled warmup chatter, everyone is silent during the buy period. Once the game starts, it's a shambles.



<<if $p250 eq "yes">>Just getting out of spawn is a logistical nightmare of awkward collisions. Eventually you settle on B and edge through the tunnels as a flurry of bullets levels half your team.



Still, this is the P250's chance to shine. You score four headshots on B site, before getting taken down by boosted Counter Terrorist.



It was probably just an unlucky start. What do you reccommend your teammates buy next round?



[[Tell your team to buy AK-47s|soloAK]]

[[Tell your team to buy Bizons|solobison]]

<<endif>>

<<if $p250 eq "no">>Just getting out of spawn is a logistical nightmare of awkward collisions. Eventually you to settle on B, slowly edging through tunnels as a flurry of bullets levels your team. Still, you manage three kills on site, before getting taken down by a nicely timed pincer movement.



Things aren't going well, but someone needs to take hold of the situation. What do you recommend your team buys next round?



[[Tell your team to buy AK-47s|soloAK]]

[[Tell your team to buy Bizons|solobison]]<<endif>>



<<set $nosplash = "yes">>There's no time to click through splash screens, so you type -novid into the text box and click save.



[[Left click Counter-Strike: Global Offensive|mainmenu]]

[[Right click Counter-Strike: Global Offensive|rightclick]]



<html><pre>

_-----------------------------------_

// //|

//-================================-//||

// // ||

//-================================-///|||

//__________________________________////|||

+-|--|-|--|---------------|--|-|--|-/||//||

| ---- | +---------------+ | ---- |||/ ||

| || | +---------------------+ || | || ||

| ---- |/ | ---- || ||

| || | || //\ | || | || /||

| || | || // \\ | || | || / ||

| || | || // A \\ | || | ||/ /|/

| || | || \\ 1 // | || | || / /

| || | || ======= | || | ||/ /

| || | || \// | || | || /

| ||_| ||____________________| ||_| ||/

---/ ---/ ---/ ---/ </pre></html>





You gain the unbridled trust of your team. As the match continues, things go from good to great. Callouts, tactical discussions, eco rounds when necessary.



You win the game 16-9 and get a Weapon Case 1 from Uncle Gabe. You open it immediately. A SG 553 Ultraviolet. Meh.



[[The doorbell rings|winending]]

<html><pre> . .

# . _______

' . **> ___--|-------|---_ B O O M !!

** **# **'** / / / \_

**'*>* **X*** / / / \

* < * *X* *** / | | \

*** **'*x*#<x(> | | (======= = = -

*****'*'*=x>x#)) | | |

<. # *## X#>x#) | | _______\

.*#*><# x>=#*| _|____| / ______|

x <XX*X* '*** |----_/ _____ \____/_/====| |

X'''>*#* * |-| / \ _____|====((\|

**''>#'<* ** \/____/ |-- \\____/ \

*' ' *'* |___ | |- \___//(__)

* ' **' || |\_____/| -- / / (\

. . | \_____/ -- / __/ .

** < \ \\ / //__( :

. \\ \ \\ / / ____)

===== \ \\______ ( .

. / \=====\______||| ) .

//=== \\_______/

/ \===== \\\ \\

/--- \===============-\

|_________________________\\____\

</pre></html>



You burst through the doors. Two Counter Terrorists stand blinded, still shooting at your shadows. You take revenge on one as your teammates clean up the other.



"Push up long, now."



All five Terrorists switch to knives for a short sprint before cocking their Glocks. You strafe towards catwalk as your teammates take position on site.



"Catwalk clear. Plant it."



"Two coming CT spawn" exclaims a teammate. It doesn't change your plan. You walk towards short and watch the corner; no-one is holding mid, and it could be a vulnerable spot.



Things go to plan. One of your teammates takes out a Counter Terrorist emerging from his spawn. Another circles around and scores a double tap on a reloading fool running up A long. One left.



He peeks around the corner at short. You dispatch him with a swift headshot.



<<if $p250 eq "yes">>You even score a Stattrak kill on the P250. Life is great.<<endif>>



"Terrorists Win"



"GJ"

"GJ"



[[The match continues|soloaflashpushwin]]









You move down short in an attempt to flank, but your teammates get taken down, prompting you to retreat.



As you move back up catwalk you keep your sights on spot, and take out two, but a cunning Counter Terrorist scores a lucky shot from car. He defuses successfully.



Leaving the bomb was a silly move, no doubt.



In an attempt to redeem yourself, you offer some buying advice at the start of round two.



Do you recommend your buddies [[buy AK-47s|multiAK]] or [[Bizons|multibison]]?

<html><pre>

|

| /

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\ |

___ _____

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</pre></html>

The undeniable beauty of a stocked Counter-Strike: Global Offensive inventory. Your Stattrak AK Hardened flirts with you. It's factory new, it's got over 100 kills, and it explodes skulls in one headshot. Gorgeous.



Then you spot something very silly indeed. Your brand new Statrak P250 Blaze isn't equipped, and as a result has zero kills tracked. You equip the P250 and prepare for the next game, vowing to pop its cherry next round. <<set $p250 ="yes">>



Your chums are still debating the map choices. Do you vote to [[include Dust II|mpincludedust]] in the list, or spice things up a bit with some of the [[lesser played maps|mpremovedust]]?



Alternatively, you could hit [[Alt F4|friendaltf4]]



Counter-Strike: Global Offensive closes down abruptly.



Your browser sits on your desktop displaying reddit/r/globaloffensive. You haven't checked it since a toilet break 10 minutes ago. Probably worth a browse.



OMG! Someone has leaked information on an upcoming patch. There might be details about new modes or, even better, an image of an upcoming skin. You study every detail.



[[The doorbell rings|altf4doorbell]]



You recommend a saucy A split. They'll never expect such co-ordination this early in the match.



<<if $p250 eq "no">>You and your team move onto A site, scoring two kills en-route. Coordinated chatter echos through your headset.



You take postion overlooking short, as a teammate spots two enemies moving up long. He calls for help.



Do you [[attempt to flank by moving down short|multiasplitrushban]] or [[hold your position and watch the bomb?|multiasplitdontrushban]]



<<endif>>

<<if $p250 eq "yes">><html><pre> . .

# . _______

' . **> ___--|-------|---_ B O O M !!

** **# **'** / / / \_

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|_________________________\\____\

</pre></html>

As you move around short, you spot two Counter Terrorists distracted by the A long push. Two headshots on the P250. Everything is going to plan.



Your entire team hold site like a gang of Global Elites. Two kills at CT spawn and yet another headshot for you on banana. What a round.



"GG" types one of your opponents, cheekily.



[[The match continues...|multiasplitp250win]]

<<endif>>

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_-----------------------------------_

// //|

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// // ||

//-================================-///|||

//__________________________________////|||

+-|--|-|--|---------------|--|-|--|-/||//||

| ---- | +---------------+ | ---- |||/ ||

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| || | || // B \\ | || | ||/ /|/

| || | || \\ 2 // | || | || / /

| || | || ======= | || | ||/ /

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| ||_| ||____________________| ||_| ||/

---/ ---/ ---/ ---/

</pre></html>



The team's pro tactics continue throughout the match. You dissect the opposition and dominate. It's NiP-style.



You win 16-1, and get a Bravo Case 2 from Uncle Gabe. You open it immediately. <<if $p250 eq "no">>A Stattrak AK Red Laminate! Lovely.<<endif>><<if $p250 eq "yes">>

OMG. A stattrak knife.<<endif>>



[[The doorbell rings.|winending]]



<html><pre>

_-----------------------------------_

// //|

//-================================-//||

// // ||

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| || | || // \\ | || | ||/ /|/

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| || | || \// | || | || /

| ||_| ||____________________| ||_| ||/

---/ ---/ ---/ ---/

</pre></html>



Despite the loss, you gain the unbridled trust of your team. As the match continues, things go from good to great. Callouts, tactical discussions, eco rounds when necessary.



You win the game 16-9 and get a Weapon Case 1\ from\ Uncle\ Gabe. It contains an AWP Lightning Strike. Not too shabby.



[[The doorbell rings|winending]]



<<if $p250 eq "yes">>You equip the Stattrak P250 and buy a flash grenade.



<<endif>>

After clearing your throat, you hold C, introduce yourself, and order your team with a friendly but firm tone.



[[Rush B with a flash|solobrushflash]]

[[Rush A long with a flash|soloaflash]]

[[Take it easy and attempt to gain some intel|solomidpoke]]



<html><pre>

_-----------------------------------_

// //|

//-================================-//||

// // ||

//-================================-///|||

//__________________________________////|||

+-|--|-|--|---------------|--|-|--|-/||//||

| ---- | +---------------+ | ---- |||/ ||

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| || | || // B \\ | || | ||/ /|/

| || | || \\ // | || | || / /

| || | || ======= | || | ||/ /

| || | || \// | || | || /

| ||_| ||____________________| ||_| ||/

---/ ---/ ---/ ---/

</pre></html>



The math goes from good to great. Your team dominates the opposition, making excellent use of voice communications and good strategy. You win the match 16-12 and get a Bravo Case from Uncle Gabe. You open it immediately. An M4A4 Zirka. Garish, but it'll do.



[[The doorbell rings.|winending]]



Other games don't compare to the adrenaline rush you get from tight Counter-Strike: Global Offensive matches. You quit Assassin's Creed.



Your browser sits on your desktop displaying reddit/r/globaloffensive. You haven't checked it since your last toilet break. Probably worth a browse.



Someone has leaked information on an upcoming patch. There might be details about new modes or, even better, an image of an upcoming skin. You study every detail.



[[The doorbell rings|somethingelsedoorbell]]



Ten minutes have passed.



Should you [[continue to wait|keepwaiting4]] or [[add Dust II|mpincludedust]] to the map list?



[[Hit Alt F4|friendaltf4]]

Fifteen minutes have passed.



Should you [[continue to wait|keepwaiting5]] or [[add Dust II|mpincludedust]] to the map list?



[[Hit Alt F4|friendaltf4]]

You move down mid and spray bullets all through the doors. It's the warmup, after all. To your delight you score an unlikely headshot, as a noob sprays his Negev from lower dark, taking you down in five hits.



You chuckle your yourself. A Negev! Who does he think he is?



The remainder of the warmup is messy to say the least. The rest of CT equip AWPs and camp your spawn. It's slightly annoying, but you're far too experienced to let this kind of silliness affect your game.



5. 4. 3. 2. 1. It's on.



Do you [[take the lead|solocallstrat]], or [[wait for another player to call out the strats|solowaitforstrat]]?



How did that get unticked? Probably something to do with the fresh install. You dodged a bullet there.<<set $overlay = "yes">>



Where now? More fiddling, or is it time to play?



[[Left click Counter-Strike: Global Offensive|mainmenu]]

[[Right click Counter-Strike: Global Offensive|rightclick]]



You move right from the terrorist spawn, hold LMB, and launch a graceful flash grenade as the team storms the first set of doors. "Nice" says an encouraging teammate, as all five of you move past the crates. You're taking point.



A seemingly random flurry of bullets cuts through the second set of doors. One scores a hit on your lower body, dealing a meagre amount of damage.



Should you [[continue the push|soloaflashpush]], or [[take cover behind the crates|soloaflashcover]]?

<html><pre> . .

# . _______

' . **> ___--|-------|---_ B O O M !!

** **# **'** / / / \_

**'*>* **X*** / / / \

* < * *X* *** / | | \

*** **'*x*#<x(> | | (======= = = -

*****'*'*=x>x#)) | | |

<. # *## X#>x#) | | _______\

.*#*><# x>=#*| _|____| / ______|

x <XX*X* '*** |----_/ _____ \____/_/====| |

X'''>*#* * |-| / \ _____|====((\|

**''>#'<* ** \/____/ |-- \\____/ \

*' ' *'* |___ | |- \___//(__)

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. . | \_____/ -- / __/ .

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. \\ \ \\ / / ____)

===== \ \\______ ( .

. / \=====\______||| ) .

//=== \\_______/

/ \===== \\\ \\

/--- \===============-\

|_________________________\\____\

</pre></html>



You move towards the crates on B site and arm the bomb as your teammates cover. It's a quick plant, giving you time to get behind crates and watch tunnels.



"Window!"



You headshot the eager fool as another emerges from tunnels, but he gets quickly dispatched by your buddies.



<<if $p250 eq "yes">>You push F and glance at the P250 as the round ends. It's a glorious gun, no doubt<<endif>>



[[The match continues|multibsnakearmwin]]



<<if $p250 eq "no">>You move on B site, going snake and pushing through the tunnels, bomb in hand.



Two of your teammates get taken down as they push up towards B site, but you punch through doors and enact revenge. It's three on three, and your team has has all three entrances covered.



Do you [[move towards the site|multibsnakearm]] or [[push through Tunnels alone|multibsnakenoarm]]?<<endif>>



<<if $p250 eq "yes">>

<html><pre> . .

# . _______

' . **> ___--|-------|---_ B O O M !!

** **# **'** / / / \_

**'*>* **X*** / / / \

* < * *X* *** / | | \

*** **'*x*#<x(> | | (======= = = -

*****'*'*=x>x#)) | | |

<. # *## X#>x#) | | _______\

.*#*><# x>=#*| _|____| / ______|

x <XX*X* '*** |----_/ _____ \____/_/====| |

X'''>*#* * |-| / \ _____|====((\|

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. . | \_____/ -- / __/ .

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. \\ \ \\ / / ____)

===== \ \\______ ( .

. / \=====\______||| ) .

//=== \\_______/

/ \===== \\\ \\

/--- \===============-\

|_________________________\\____\

</pre></html>

You throw the bomb to one of your teammates and move through lower tunnels, where you pop a head thanks to a clean shot from your P250. A stattrak kill 20 seconds into the match. Beautiful.



The rest of your team push forward as you reload, taking out another as he pushes through the doors on mid.



B site is empty, giving you plenty of time to get into position. Moments later, you hear the enemy clomping through tunnels. You wait at the car, then score a triple tap as they move towards site. These appear to be noobs. And your Stattrak P250 has 4 kills. Glorious.



[[The match continues|multibsnakep250win]]

<<endif>>



"Let's play it cool, guys."



You move through the archway before taking cover in the alcove to the left. "One mid!" you exclaim as a Counter Terrorist emerges from the doors.



But you have no backup. Two of your teammates have rushed through A long, and the others have moved on on B site. All of them died.



You should have gone with a more conventional move for the starting round, especially with random players.



<<if $p250 eq "yes">>[[You glance at your P250 Stattrak|solomidpokep250]]<<endif>>

<<if $p250 eq "no">>

You manage to take our four before the round is over, but get taken down by the final Counter Terrorist as you reload.



"Counter Terrorists Win."



Things aren't going well, but someone needs to take control of the situation. What do you recommend your team buy next round?



[[Tell your team to buy AKs|soloAK]]

[[Tell your team to buy bisons|solobison]]<<endif>>







<<if $nosplash eq "no">>The Valve logo fades in. Two counter terrorists stand poised, hinting at potential glory. There's also a mention of some dudes called "Hidden Path," but you have no idea who they are.



Another splash screen. This time featuring a terrorist, for balance.



"Powered by Source." Thank Gabe for the glory of the ultimate engine. You say a little prayer for the big man.<<endif>>



The main menu loads. Four Counter-Strike friends are online. Very convenient, seeing as Counter-Strike: Global Offensive supports five in ranked matchmaking. A message pops up in the corner: "Game? Let me kno quic!"



Of course you want to play Counter-Strike: Global Offensive. But will you [[play with your friends|respond]] or enter [[matchmaking alone|sololobby]]?

This match can't end like this. You back off to T spawn and reassess, turing up your headphones for maximum spacial awareness.



You hear two coming from A long, crouch in the shadows beneath the arch and ambush them both with two close-range headshots. Two left.



You move on A long, holding shift, walking silently, checking every corner like your life depends on it (it does). You snap to a Counter Terrorist cranium and let rip. One left. The bomb is in your hands. It's time to rotate.



You hit F and watch the animation, showing your P250 in all it's glory. Thanks for crates Gabe. Thanks for Stattrak. Thanks for Counter-Strike: Global Offensive.



You push on B and immediately start planting the bomb, only to hear footsteps through doors. It's too late. You take four hits in the back, your P250 flying from your bloodied hands.



"ul"

"ul"



[[The match continues|slowmidpokep250win]]



"Trust me. Get AKs. Seriously. Buy AKs, guys. Please."



The buddies follow your lead. Five AKs in the bag.



But things don't go too well. Your team splits up in an attempt to gain some intel, but you get ambushed and lose up your rifle early in the round, giving the CT's star player a headshotting beast for free. He proceeds to pick off the rest of your team and scores an unlikely win.



The AKS were overkill for round 2.



You never gain momentum and lose the match 16-9. No drops for you today, sadly.



The [[doorbell rings|lossending]].

You spread across the map with your AKs equipped. Warm-ups should be just that - an opportunity to get your eye in and fingers limber.



A few calm headshots on some bots, followed by some snap kills as the other team flow into their position. They seem quick to rush and divided.



5. 4. 3. 2. 1. Its on.



<<if $p250 eq "Yes">>You equip the P250 and hit F. It's beautiful. You'll get some kills on this baby soon enough, no doubt.

<<endif>>Your more experienced friend is taking lead but, considering its round one, he asks how you would like to open the match. What do you suggest?



[[A split|multiasplit]]

[[B snake|multibsnake]]

[[Play it cool. Get some intel|multicool]]

[[Hit Alt F4|friendaltf4]]



<html><pre> . .

# . _______

' . **> ___--|-------|---_ B O O M !!

** **# **'** / / / \_

**'*>* **X*** / / / \

* < * *X* *** / | | \

*** **'*x*#<x(> | | (======= = = -

*****'*'*=x>x#)) | | |

<. # *## X#>x#) | | _______\

.*#*><# x>=#*| _|____| / ______|

x <XX*X* '*** |----_/ _____ \____/_/====| |

X'''>*#* * |-| / \ _____|====((\|

**''>#'<* ** \/____/ |-- \\____/ \

*' ' *'* |___ | |- \___//(__)

* ' **' || |\_____/| -- / / (\

. . | \_____/ -- / __/ .

** < \ \\ / //__( :

. \\ \ \\ / / ____)

===== \ \\______ ( .

. / \=====\______||| ) .

//=== \\_______/

/ \===== \\\ \\

/--- \===============-\

|_________________________\\____\

</pre></html>

<<if $p250 eq "no">>Your non-gamer friends have arrived!



Still reeling from the CS victory, you are excellent company, discussing current affairs in a charming, yet intelligent, manner.



In fact, you're so much fun your friends decide that they don't need to visit you again for another few weeks, giving you plenty of free time to enjoy Counter-Strike: Global Offensive.



A good night overall, but something tells you it could've gone better.<<endif>><<if $p250 eq "yes">>Your non-gamer friends have arrived!



Still reeling from the CS victory, you are excellent company, discussing current affairs in a charming, yet intelligent, manner.



In fact, you're so much fun your friends decide that they don't need to visit you again for a couple of weeks, giving you plenty of time to enjoy Counter-Strike: Global Offensive.



In what might seem like an incredibly unlikely coincidence, one of them mentions that he's going to a birthday party the next evening. He asks if you'd like to join.



"He plays for some games team thing. PIP, or FIP, or JIP, or something."



You attend the party and become best buddies with all five members of NiP. Over time, they teach you everything they know.



Four years later, you become the greatest Counter-Strike: Global Offensive player on earth.

<html><pre>

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</pre></html>



An hour has passed and you haven't got your Counter-Strike: Global Offensive fix. Your friends are cheerful enough, but you alienate them by blabbering on about the contents of the new patch. They leave earlier than planned as a result.



As they descend the stairs you hear them muttering to each other about your obsession with "that terrorism game." It upsets you.



Tonight has been sad. This was not how it was meant to be. If only you'd played a game of Counter-Strike: Global Offensive before they arrived, eh?



Anger descends. You rip your monitor from the desk and throw it at your computer tower. "Forget it Counter-Strike! Forget it Gabe! Fuck everything I ever once loved!"



Everything is destroyed. All is gone.



GAME OVER.

<html><pre>

|

| /

\ | | /

\ |

___ _____

|---|==================_____=========/----+ -

|_____________________/ \\\\\\\\ \ -

| \\\\\\\\ \

\-+-------===-----------===------------------|

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\|__________|

/

/ | \

| | \

|

</pre></html>

The undeniable beauty of a stocked Counter-Strike: Global Offensive inventory. Your Stattrak AK Hardened flirts with you. It's factory new, it's got over 100 kills, and it explodes skulls in one headshot. Gorgeous.



Then you spot something very silly indeed. Your brand new Statrak P250 Blaze isn't equipped, and as a result has zero kills tracked. You equip the P250 and prepare for the next game, vowing to pop its cherry next round. <<set $p250 ="yes">>



A match has been found! It's [[Dust II|soloaccept]], obv.

Alternatively, you can [[hit Alt F4|altf4]].



_-----------------------------------_

// //|

//-================================-//||

// // ||

//-================================-///|||

//__________________________________////|||

+-|--|-|--|---------------|--|-|--|-/||//||

| ---- | +---------------+ | ---- |||/ ||

| || | +---------------------+ || | || ||

| ---- |/ | ---- || ||

| || | || //\ | || | || /||

| || | || // \\ | || | || / ||

| || | || // \\ | || | ||/ /|/

| || | || \\ // | || | || / /

| || | || ======= | || | ||/ /

| || | || \// | || | || /

| ||_| ||____________________| ||_| ||/

---/ ---/ ---/ ---/



IT'S A XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

<html><pre>

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======,=====================,=====\___________

===================,=====================,====\________

=======,=======================,======,============,===\____

</pre></html>

As Dust II fades from monochrome to its sepia tones, you feel a wash of nostalgia. It's overplayed, yes, but this is truly a map for the ages. You look over the familiar terrorist spawn and take in the sights. The lamp with no collision detection, the little gap where dudes hide when they're saving at the end of a round, the elegance of the arch leading into mid, designed to create tension just a few moments into the match.



This is home. This is Dust II.



You can hear both French and Russian players chucking. It's hard to tell whether they're annoyed or just plain enthusiastic. One thing is clear though: you don't know what the hell they're talking about.



Do you [[play it straight|solostraightwarmup]] or [[pretend to be worse than you actually are|solopretendwarmup]]?

Ahh, the familiar delights of Steam's properties menu. Flicking wistfully through the tabs, you take pride in the accessibility of PC gaming. You settle on GENERAL. <<if $overlay eq "no">>You notice that you don't have Steam Community enabled in-game. That could be a problem<<endif>>



<<if $overlay eq "no">>[[Enable Steam Community in-game checkbox|tickbox]]



<<endif>>

<<if $nosplash eq "no">>[[Click the "Set Launch Options" button|launchoptions]]



<<endif>>

[[Left click Counter-Strike: Global Offensive|mainmenu]]



You move into tunnels and keep your crosshairs on the stairs leading to lower mid. A head pops up and you score a swift headshot.



Unfortunately, One of the sneakier Counter Terrorists has rotated from A-long to Terrorist spawn. He catches your right side unawares. The bomb flies from your hands.



Your teammates move into tunnels but get mown down as they try to pickup the bomb.



"Oh my god," over voice comms.



In an attempt to redeem yourself, you decide to offer some buying advice during the buying period of round 2.



Do you recommend your buddies [[buy AK-47s|multiAK]] or [[Bizons|multibison]]?



Two minutes have passed.



Should you [[continue to wait|keepwaiting2]] or [[add Dust II|mpincludedust]] to the map list?



[[Hit Alt F4|friendaltf4]]

<html><pre>

\\ \ \\\\\\\/\\\ ||||| | | || s || / / / // /

\\\ \\\\\\\\ | s || | ------- // /// //

\\\ \\ ---------- s | s / /| / / /

\\ \\\ \ /--------// S s /------/ | s / /

\ \\\ |--------|| S S | |__X |x| / ///

\\\ \\ \ ||XXXXXXX-\\ S S | |_x| | | s ////

\ \\ ||XXXXXXXXX\\__ S_ | |__| | |s //

\\ ||XXXXXXXXXXXXX\\ S//| | | | S // //

\\ \ ||XXXXXXXXXXXXXX\\_||| | | |S / /

\ ||XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX|||===| o= | S

\\ ---------|-------------------|/---| o= x| /-------

/ _ --------------------- |xo= x|/ /|

\ / _(__) - /+++++++++++++/| __ ----x--/ / | -

/ ((| | - /+++++++++++++/ / (||) ---- ---/ /

/ –|__| |_____________|/ )__( / / / -

- /-----------------------------------------------/--/ /

|___/ - - _ _ - | / --

- ----------------------------------/----------------|/ --

| -|| | || // | || | || -

/ | || |-|/________ ======== ___| || |-|/_______

/// | || --/ // | -|| --/ /

//// / =/| || // | || /= \

============|- ||===========// - | || /

/ | || -- |- || -- /= \

=/ | || -- | || / \\

/ - |--|/ -- - | |/ - /= \ \\

=/-- ---/ -- ---/ / \\ \\\

/______________________________________________/=

</pre></html>



An hour has passed and you haven't got your Counter-Strike: Global Offensive fix. Your friends are cheerful enough, but you alienate them by blabbering on about the casual nature of modern-day gaming. They leave earlier than planned as a result.



As they descend the stairs you hear them muttering to each other about your oddly competitive nature. It upsets you.



Tonight has been sad. This was not how it was meant to be. If only you'd played a game of Counter-Strike: Global Offensive before they arrived, eh?



Anger descends. You rip your monitor from the desk and throw it at your computer tower. "Forget it Counter-Strike! Forget it Gabe! Fuck everything I ever once loved!"



Everything is destroyed. All is gone.



GAME OVER.

Thank god for your 10 terabyte connection. Let's not let that happen again, eh?



[[Left click Counter-Strike: Global Offensive|mainmenu]]

[[Right click Counter-Strike: Global Offensive|rightclick]]

[[Play something else|somethingelse]]

[[Browse reddit/r/Globaloffensive|reddit]]



<html><pre>

\\ \ \\\\\\\/\\\ ||||| | | || s || / / / // /

\\\ \\\\\\\\ | s || | ------- // /// //

\\\ \\ ---------- s | s / /| / / /

\\ \\\ \ /--------// S s /------/ | s / /

\ \\\ |--------|| S S | |__X |x| / ///

\\\ \\ \ ||XXXXXXX-\\ S S | |_x| | | s ////

\ \\ ||XXXXXXXXX\\__ S_ | |__| | |s //

\\ ||XXXXXXXXXXXXX\\ S//| | | | S // //

\\ \ ||XXXXXXXXXXXXXX\\_||| | | |S / /

\ ||XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX|||===| o= | S

\\ ---------|-------------------|/---| o= x| /-------

/ _ --------------------- |xo= x|/ /|

\ / _(__) - /+++++++++++++/| __ ----x--/ / | -

/ ((| | - /+++++++++++++/ / (||) ---- ---/ /

/ –|__| |_____________|/ )__( / / / -

- /-----------------------------------------------/--/ /

|___/ - - _ _ - | / --

- ----------------------------------/----------------|/ --

| -|| | || // | || | || -

/ | || |-|/________ ======== ___| || |-|/_______

/// | || --/ // | -|| --/ /

//// / =/| || // | || /= \

============|- ||===========// - | || /

/ | || -- |- || -- /= \

=/ | || -- | || / \\

/ - |--|/ -- - | |/ - /= \ \\

=/-- ---/ -- ---/ / \\ \\\

/______________________________________________/=

</pre></html>

An hour has passed and you haven't got your Counter-Strike: Global Offensive fix. Your friends are cheerful enough, but you alienate them by blabbering on about the contents of the upcoming patch. They leave earlier than planned as a result.



As they descend the stairs you hear them muttering to each other about your obsession with "that terrorism game." It upsets you.



Tonight has been sad. This was not how it was meant to be. If only you'd played a game of Counter-Strike: Global Offensive before they arrived, eh?



Anger descends. You rip your monitor from the desk and throw it at your computer tower. "Forget it Counter-Strike! Forget it Gabe! Fuck everything I ever once loved!"



Everything is destroyed. All is gone.



GAME OVER.



You select a few maps and hit "Find match." This is your time to shine, and potentially make a few new friends via the internet.<<set $sp = "yes">>



The [[inventory|inventorysolo]] tab looks mighty enticing as Steam tries to find some similarly ranked players.



"Match found." It's Dust II, obv.



[[Click Accept|soloaccept]]

[[Hit Alt and F4|altf4]]



<html><pre>

_-----------------------------------_

// //|

//-================================-//||

// // ||

//-================================-///|||

//__________________________________////|||

+-|--|-|--|---------------|--|-|--|-/||//||

| ---- | +---------------+ | ---- |||/ ||

| || | +---------------------+ || | || ||

| ---- |/ | ---- || ||

| || | || //\ | || | || /||

| || | || // \\ | || | || / ||

| || | || // A \\ | || | ||/ /|/

| || | || \\ // | || | || / /

| || | || ======= | || | ||/ /

| || | || \// | || | || /

| ||_| ||____________________| ||_| ||/

---/ ---/ ---/ ---/

</pre></html>



But he wasn't joking. The opposition never manage to settle their economy after your stellar performance on round one.



You win the match 16-11 and get a Weapon Case 1 from Uncle Gabe. A Stattrak AUG Anodized Navy. Shiny!



[[The doorbell rings.|winending]]

<<endif>>

<<set $shortcut ="yes">>Very satisfying. Your old shortcut was outdated, but now everything is in order.



Where now?



[[Left click Counter-Strike: Global Offensive|mainmenu]]

[[Right click Counter-Strike: Global Offensive|rightclick]]

[[Play something else|somethingelse]]



<html><pre> . .

# . _______

' . **> ___--|-------|---_ B O O M !!

** **# **'** / / / \_

**'*>* **X*** / / / \

* < * *X* *** / | | \

*** **'*x*#<x(> | | (======= = = -

*****'*'*=x>x#)) | | |

<. # *## X#>x#) | | _______\

.*#*><# x>=#*| _|____| / ______|

x <XX*X* '*** |----_/ _____ \____/_/====| |

X'''>*#* * |-| / \ _____|====((\|

**''>#'<* ** \/____/ |-- \\____/ \

*' ' *'* |___ | |- \___//(__)

* ' **' || |\_____/| -- / / (\

. . | \_____/ -- / __/ .

** < \ \\ / //__( :

. \\ \ \\ / / ____)

===== \ \\______ ( .

. / \=====\______||| ) .

//=== \\_______/

/ \===== \\\ \\

/--- \===============-\

|_________________________\\____\

</pre></html>



You drop from the barrels, and move on B, switching from knife to flash and bouncing it from the left hand wall. Next, you run backwards through tunnels to avoid being hoisted by your own petard. Your teammates do the same.



Two Counter Terrorists stand flashed: one behind the boxes at the back of base, one camping at the blue car. You elegantly headshot both of them. <<if $p250 eq "yes">>Your P250 doesn't look so shameful anymore, eh?<<endif>>



As your teammates take position around B, you offer some friendly advice: "Let's plant this thing."



"Bomb has been planted."



You reload your pistols in the downtime and wait for the remaining Counter Terrorists to show themselves. One peeks through Window and the others Rush door. They get brutally taken out by concentrated fire.



"gj"

"ns"



[[The match continues...|solobrushflashdropwin]]





Your team takes your advice and buys Bisons. It works splendidly when combined with a B rush. Your combined firepower levels the entire team, resulting in $3000 bonus cash.



[[The match continues...|solobisonwin]]



<html><pre> . .

# . _______

' . **> ___--|-------|---_ B O O M !!

** **# **'** / / / \_

**'*>* **X*** / / / \

* < * *X* *** / | | \

*** **'*x*#<x(> | | (======= = = -

*****'*'*=x>x#)) | | |

<. # *## X#>x#) | | _______\

.*#*><# x>=#*| _|____| / ______|

x <XX*X* '*** |----_/ _____ \____/_/====| |

X'''>*#* * |-| / \ _____|====((\|

**''>#'<* ** \/____/ |-- \\____/ \

*' ' *'* |___ | |- \___//(__)

* ' **' || |\_____/| -- / / (\

. . | \_____/ -- / __/ .

** < \ \\ / //__( :

. \\ \ \\ / / ____)

===== \ \\______ ( .

. / \=====\______||| ) .

//=== \\_______/

/ \===== \\\ \\

/--- \===============-\

|_________________________\\____\

</pre></html>



The round can't end like this. Not with a p250 Stattrak in-hand.



You make it to terrorist spawn and jump through the archway to mid. You know this gun. You know its power. You know the enemy are eager.



You crouch outside tunnels as three Counter Terrorists emerge from lower dark. You snap to one and score a close-range headshot. Then another. A third.



"gj."

"ns"



You storm through double doors, snapping to a cranium and exploding it over CT spawn. You spin 180 and spam the remainder of your clip in a blind rage.



"Terrorists Win."



An ace on the pistol round. You are a hero.



"gjgjgjgjgj"

"nicenice!1"



Things are looking good, but what do you recommend your team buy next round? They're looking to you for guidance.



[[Tell your team to buy AK-47s|soloAK]]

[[Tell your team to buy Bizons|solobison]]



You're in the mood for something a bit different. "Hell! Let's put Aztec in there! How about a bit of Seaside! Maybe Ali?"



The lobby leader queues up your suggestions and begins to search for a game.



A minutes passes.



Should you [[continue to wait|keepwaiting]], or [[add Dust II|mpincludedust]] to the list?



[[Hit Alt F4|friendaltf4]]

<html><pre>

+----------------+ |\ | \ ________

||+++| |\ \|\|| \ /| |___

||+++| |\\ | \ / | |

||+++| | \\ | \ | |_

||+++| | |\\ | \ __ | | |=====

||+++| | | \\ | _______\__ ||__|_|_|_____

_|___|___________| \ |\\|__/ \_______/ | |\

_________________| \| \|| | | |_|__\ ___

| | -- |_|_|_/ ,\__/zXz

__| | __/ \__ || ,X||XXX

| | \ | / __/\__ \ | X||XzX

|__| |\ | / / | \ \ || ,||zXX

| | \ | || | | _| || || ||zzX

| | \ | \_\ | | /_/ || ||--z

| | | ____ //_|__|_\\ || ||---

A ----> __| ----\__/|| _--_ || || ||___

||__| \---]__[|| | || | || | ||

| | [__]||_|-||-| || || ||

__| | || | || | || || ||

|__| ________________ || || ||

|/ \___________ ||

+----------------/________________ \_______||

| \___________ \|___

| \________

| \____

_________________|________________

======,=====================,=====\___________

===================,=====================,====\________

=======,=======================,======,============,===\____

</pre></html>

As Dust II fades from monochrome to its sepia tones, you feel a wash of nostalgia. It's overplayed, yes, but this is truly a map for the ages. You look over the familiar terrorist spawn and take in the sights. The lamp with no collision detection, the little gap where dudes hide when they're saving at the end of a round, the elegance of the arch leading into mid, designed to create tension just a few moments into the match.



This is home. This is Dust II.



Do you and you friends decide to [[play it straight|multisafe]] or [[pretend to be worse than you actually are|multipretend]]?

Counter-Strike: Global Offensive closes down abruptly.



Your browser sits on your desktop\,\ displaying reddit/r/globaloffensive. You haven't checked it since your last toilet break. Probably worth a browse.



OMG! Someone has leaked information on an upcoming patch. There might be details about new modes or, even better, an image of an upcoming skin! You study every detail.



[[The doorbell rings|timeoutdoorbell]]

<html><pre>

_-----------------------------------_

// //|

//-================================-//||

// // ||

//-================================-///|||

//__________________________________////|||

+-|--|-|--|---------------|--|-|--|-/||//||

| ---- | +---------------+ | ---- |||/ ||

| || | +---------------------+ || | || ||

| ---- |/ | ---- || ||

| || | || //\ | || | || /||

| || | || // \\ | || | || / ||

| || | || // B \\ | || | ||/ /|/

| || | || \\ 2 // | || | || / /

| || | || ======= | || | ||/ /

| || | || \// | || | || /

| ||_| ||____________________| ||_| ||/

---/ ---/ ---/ ---/

</pre></html>



The Counter Terrorist's never manage to gain momentum, and you win the match 16-7. You get a Bravo Crate 2 from Uncle Gabe and open it immediately. Dual Berettas Black Limba! Cool and useable.



[[The doorbell rings|winending]]

<html><span id="twitter">Can you squeeze in one game of CS: GO before visitors arrive? CS STORY is currently in beta. Please report any bugs/typos to <a target="_blank" href="https://twitter.com/bopogamel">@bopogamel</a></span></html>

"Bizons! Seriously guys, buy Bizons. It's super NiP. I saw them do this at Dreamhack. NiP-style, yo!"



Your buddies take your advice, taking an agressive moves through A long and overpowering the Counter Terrorist pistols thanks to the superb fire rate and awesome penatration against unarmoured opponents. They attempted an Eco rush lol.



It's a bloodbath. The Bizons let rip and score five kills within the first 20 seconds of the match.



[[The match continues...|multibisonwin]]



You're not ready to boot up Counter-Strike: Global Offensive quite yet. After all it is a PC game, and PC games are meant to be tweaked.

<<if $shortcut eq "yes">>Your new shortcut sits proudly on the desktop<<endif>>

What to click next?



[[Properties|properties]]

<<if $shortcut eq "no">>[[Create Desktop Shortcut|createshortcut]]<<endif>>

<<if $review eq "no">>[[Recommend to friends|review]]<<endif>>

<<if $deleted eq "no">>[[Delete Local Content|delete]]<<endif>>

You decide it would be funny to play dumb during warmup. Each of you equips a P90 and storms toward the Counter Terrorist spawn. You aim at knee height and let rip, causing minimal damage. Eventually, no-scope AWPs echo through the underpass, taking you down one-by-one. You chuckle to each other over Skype.



Eventually they move on spawn and camp with autosnipers and AWPS. Things are going to plan.



5. 4. 3. 2. 1. Its on.



<<if $p250 eq "Yes">>You equip the P250 and hit F. It's beautiful. You'll get some kills on this baby soon enough, no doubt.

<<endif>>Your more experienced friend is taking lead but, considering its round one, he asks how you would like to open the match. What do you suggest?



[[A split|multiasplit]]

[[B snake|multibsnake]]

[[Play it cool. Get some intel|multicool]]

[[Hit Alt F4|friendaltf4]]



This doesn't seem to be happening, and even if it did, you wouldn't have time to finish a game before your friends arrive.



The only option is to [[quit Counter-Strike: Global Offensive|timeout]].

Today is a terrible day. You've deleted Counter-Strike: Global Offensive from your computer.



You are an idiot. If it wasn't for your extremely fast internet connection, you'd be devastated.<<set $deleted = "yes">>



[[Reinstall Counter-Strike: Global Offensive|reinstalled]]

[[Play something else|somethingelse]]

