Anne Roderique-Jones

People love to ask married couples for relationship advice—even the newlyweds who fight like cats and dogs. I’ve been happily married for nearly 13 years—hardly a drop in the bucket—but can say that our happiness stems from being childfree. Yet most folks don’t like to hear that.

My husband and I got married at 24 and 25, and attended seven weddings that year. Everyone was tying the knot. We were freshly graduated, got along swimmingly, and had saved enough money to buy a small home, lacking only the proverbial white-picket fence. Naturally, kids would follow. It’s just what you did.

But the urge for children never came. Years floated on and our love for each other grew, but the whole parenting thing felt foreign to us. How is it that you can be so fond of your friends’ babies and have zero desire for your own? We sold our house and moved to New York City instead.

Getting married at a young age can make or break you. We were forced to grow up together. Rather than being set in our ways when we met, like most of my friends in their mid-30s or older, we were learning to balance a checkbook and cook a turkey together. We moved cross-country, navigated grad school, built our careers, and got our first passports to travel around the world. We waded through life’s messiness and grieved though our parents' deaths and family funerals. And we learned that being married made us happy—and having a child would not.

We’re OK with this decision nearly 13 years into our marriage; it’s others who seem to take issue with us being childfree. Confession: When strangers ask my husband and me if we’re having children (and they often do) we sometimes lie. I’d say that it’s mostly for their sake, but it’s really because we’ve come to dread the reaction. If we say that we’re undecided (lie), some people give us their best go at convincing us to join their team. If we tell the truth—that we’re childfree and happy—I often feel as if I’ve offended someone.

According to Laura S. Scott, the president of 180 Coaching and director of the Childless by Choice Project, “Sometimes it feels like a clash of values; I value the experience of parenthood and you don’t.” And I get that. "Childfree by choice" is a sexy new buzz phrase that comes with a stigma, putting parents and the childfree in an unnecessary boxing ring with each other.