LOUIS BURKE | Investigation | CONTACT

At the time of writing, the USA is now leading the world in confirmed cases of COVID-19 with President Donald Trump reassuring the public he is a ‘wartime president’ who will step in once the deadly virus has ‘claimed Hillary Clinton.’



While none are surprised to hear the USA isn’t doing well against a threat they can’t drone strike, daring acts of bravery and resourcefulness have emerged from the world’s original home of freedom.



Recently, a gun enthusiast by the name Ford Jackson (44) decided to creatively interpret the second amendment after he ran out of toilet paper.



“Here goes nothing,” stated Jackson as he gripped his gun in his warm, live hands.



“Whoops. Nearly forgot to switch the safety off.”



With care, Jackson proceeded to wipe his dirty ass with the barrel of his gun, ensuring it was facing away from anything he didn’t intend to destroy, while still being ready should an intruder enter his bathroom.

“This is our right. They can’t take this away from us. If the liberals get their way, we won’t be allowed to do this anymore.”