Wednesday night on “The Colbert Report,” host Stephen Colbert greeted the news of President Barack Obama’s re-election eating cheese popcorn and wearing an old bathrobe.

“What are you people doing here?” he asked the crowd blearily. “Shouldn’t you be out celebrating? Because, evidently,” he said, popcorn flying as his voice rose to a shout, “YOU DON’T LISTEN TO ANYTHING I SAY.”

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“I’ve been bringing you the truth,” he continued, “hot and hard, now, for seven years! And how do you repay me? Four more years of hopey change!”

He went on to ask the audience if they think that he does his job night after night for their amusement.

“I DO IT FOR AMERICA!” he bellowed, before muttering, “Oh, what’s the point?” and opening a beer and watching an episode of “Chopped” onstage.

Briefly, the “Technical Difficulties” sign flashed, and then suddenly, Colbert was back in his suit in front of a red and blue map of the United States.

“Just because Obama won all these blue states up here, he’s the president of all of them now?” he asked. “Look, Romney won all that red stuff. Why don’t we elect our president on square footage?”

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Because Romney, he said, won some great big states, “the whole damn south!”

Obama won, he said, in spite of the fact that a week after Hurricane Sandy, “thousands of Amish are still without power.”

Watch the video, embedded via Comedy Central, below: