The Sale Stoat Says

I've weaselled my way into this post to offer a Steam Sale tip.

If a game isn't in the featured sale, hold off from buying it. There's a chance it'll be featured on a future sale day, gaining an even bigger discount. If it's not featured by the last day of the sale, you know that's as cheap as it's going to get.

"And I saw when the Lamb opened one of the sales, and I heard, as it were the noise of thunder, one of the four beasts saying, Come and Steam.

"And I saw, and behold a white logo: and he that sat on him had a 33% off deal for Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes; and a Stout Shako was given unto him: and he went forth conquering, and to conquer."

Look, I'm not saying the Steam sale is definitely the apocalyptic end-of-days event mentioned in the Book of Revelation. I'm also not saying that it's not. Certainly the ravenous fever of deal-crazed consumers picking over a fresh batch of new games can seem demonic. As yet, though, no horseman have been spotted looking down over an internet boiling from the force of mass-downloads.

Listen, we should all be safe. There's very little chance that greed-aligned hell beasts will pour from our monitors and consume all of the world's resources. That is, at least, presuming everybody chants the Official Steam Sale Incantation while sacrificing TF2 hats to appease the mighty wrath of Steam Holiday Trading Cards. This year, incidentally, those cards are earned for buying games, crafting game badges or voting in the community choice, and can be crafted into badges in order to unlock backgrounds and emoticons. They have a terrible power, and will one day destroy us all.

Until then, we might as well enjoy some cheap games. We might as well enjoy them until the collected hours of gaming we've accrued surpasses the total length of humanity, the planet and even existence itself; until all is naught and ruin and decay. Games!

The Steam Holiday Sale runs until 2 January.