Handing over her husband’s American Express black card in the Giorgio Armani boutique, former Playboy centerfold Stephanie Adams thought she caught the word “gold digger” from the disgruntled assistant muttering under her breath. Then, when Adams’ older investment-banker husband stepped forward to sign for the $20,000 purchase, the saleswoman didn’t give the card back so much as throw it, almost hitting Adams in the face.

“She was dripping bitterness and resentment,” recalls the 5-foot-9, 115-pound model-turned-entrepreneur who lives downtown. “My husband was on his cell with a client, but saw what happened and hung up. He was so angry, he said to her: ‘Why did you throw that at my wife?’ ”

What should have been a pleasant experience — celebrating a new business deal with an extravagant shopping trip — was cut short as the couple swept out of the Fifth Avenue store and into their car.

She’s faced such disdain for nearly two decades now — starting with her two-year marriage to the financier, whom she asked The Post not to name because he shuns publicity.

Now 43 and happily married to her second husband, Charles Nicolai, a successful chiropractor with a practice on Wall Street, the former Elite Model Management pinup claims she is often dismissed as a parasite cashing in on her looks.

But with two business degrees and a seven-figure investment portfolio of her own, Adams wants to “reclaim” the label “trophy wife” and re-define it more positively: She’s written 25 New Age self-help books, has an online organic-beauty-products company and runs the financial side of her husband’s chiropractic firm.

“Anyone who thinks I’m just a good piece of arm candy doesn’t know the whole picture.” (That picture also includes winning an “excessive force” judgment from the NYPD stemming from a 2006 incident with a cab driver.)

She’s hardly the cliché of the much-younger wife depicted on the ABC comedy-drama “Trophy Wife,” about a gorgeous girl who marries an older man with two ex-wives and tons of family baggage.

While Kate, the fictional character in the show, is the more conventional California version of a “trophy wife” — blond, tan and a party girl — the real-life equivalent here on the East Coast is more sophisticated. Designer labels, bespoke beauty treatments and extravagant holidays are still part of the package — but so are advanced degrees and business start-ups.

“The stereotypes are sexist and unfair,” says Adams. “Just because I look a certain way and have expensive tastes, it doesn’t mean I’m shallow. Style and looks don’t mean lack of brains, sweetheart!”

She’s got company in a growing number of fabulous, independently successful women in New York such as fashion designer Georgina Chapman and stocks specialist Suzanne Ircha, who both play a “supporting role” to their Masters of the Universe spouses.

“These women are the full package,” says elite Manhattan matchmaker Richard Easton, explaining that the male clients on his books increasingly ask him to set them up with intelligent, confident women with established careers of their own. “Men are visual, so the women are always beautiful, but it’s beauty inside and out — they need brains, a good education and a career.”

Julie Lin, 34, and married to an investment banker, calls herself a “Trophy Wife 2.0.” She is glad to stay in the wings while her power-broker husband takes center stage. In January 2012, she quit her top marketing job to become a writer and homemaker. It was a move that raised eyebrows among friends — especially since she and her husband (who asked to remain anonymous in The Post for professional reasons) have decided to not have children.

“It was soon after our wedding, and we were having dinner with friends who asked me what I was going to do with my time,” recalls Lin. “I said: ‘I’m going to be a trophy wife,’ and everyone thought it was hilarious.

“I took a step back and thought: ‘What’s so wrong with that?’ My husband says it’s associated with a lot of negative connotations — the Anna Nicole Smith thing — but I don’t think so when I think of modern trophy wives like Linda E. Johnson [dating cosmetics heir Leonard Lauder] and Tamiko Bolton [who married billionaire financier George Soros in the Hamptons last Saturday].”

“They’ve shattered the myth of the bimbo with the designer handbag, because they are educated, worldly and ambitious. They’re role models,” continues Lin.

When she’s not researching and writing her blog, which has the tongue-in-cheek title of LifeOfATrophyWife.com, Lin keeps up with current affairs and what’s happening in the stock markets, so she can hold her own with her husband’s co-workers and bosses.

“I find the finance industry really boring, but I always keep on top of things,” she says.

“It’s something which he loves, so I have to maintain an interest.

“We spent a long weekend this summer in the Hamptons at the home of one of the senior partners. I couldn’t be this wallflower sitting cowering in the corner. I have to be able to socialize and work with my husband in furthering his career by being charming and personable.”

According to Lin, who has two master’s degrees, one of the most important requirements of a trophy wife is being happy with your own company. “I am definitely alone a lot of the time because my husband works such long hours,” she says. “Even on weekends and vacations, he is working. But I know he is doing it for me, too, and we’re getting towards a mutual goal.”

Another consideration is looking the part. “I’m Asian, and actually a size 8, so the haters [on Lin’s blog] will say things like: ‘Who do you think you are? You’re too fat to be a trophy wife! You’re not blond and skinny,’ but I love my body and work incredibly hard to keep in shape,” says Lin. “It’s all about looking after yourself and putting yourself together properly and supporting your husband.

“Before we went to the Hamptons, I went on a shopping spree and tried on all my outfits in front of my husband. I was like: ‘Is it too booby?’ or ‘Is it not booby enough?’ He was very honest with his feedback, and I’m the same way when he asks my advice.”

Adams also works hard on her glamorous image. She has a personal stylist and keeps fit and healthy. “It’s important for me to be and look the best I can,” explains Adams, whose son, Vincent, recently turned 3. “It’s mostly for me and my well-being, but it’s also for my husband to complement him.”

Donna Spangler, 50, who has lived with her 74-year-old partner, multimillionaire periodontist Dr. Richard Benveniste, for 16 years, admits she fits the more traditional image of the trophy wife. She has a size-2 figure, big blond hair and a closet full of tennis dresses.

Like the character played by Swedish-born actress Malin Akerman in the “Trophy Wife” TV series, the Beverly Hills-based artist and author has had to deal with fallout from her lover’s past, such as jealous kids and other relatives.

“When we first started dating, dealing with his family was just horrible,” recalls Spangler, author of the self-help guide “How To Get a Rich Man: The Princess Formula.”

“There was a lot of resentment from Richie’s [adult] children, who were closer to my age than I was to him. But, when they figured I wasn’t going anywhere, they gradually got used to me.

“They know that I love Richie and am here to look after him.”

In accordance with Adams and Lin, Spangler takes any criticism of her privileged lifestyle with a grain of salt.

“If you’re a woman in your 30s and 40s, it makes sense to seek someone who is financially stable, who is going to be there to provide for you and cherish you,” she says. “You can get all high and mighty and principled about these things, but anybody who says otherwise is flat-out lying.”