Recently my wife went with a friend to a Vegan restaurant. She found it interesting, and enjoyed the experience. She tells me that even the food was good.

But it got me thinking. People value choice in their lives — even progressives. Why doesn’t some liberal group start an explicitly “progressive” restaurant chain — incorporating all the “workers’ paradise” options they so cherish? Given that most people are politically progressive (ask any progressive for verification), it would seem to be a goldmine — let’s ignore the evil of making a profit for the moment.

Liberals would flock to such an establishment. They’d be MORALLY OBLIGATED to do so. The eatery would have a intellectually PC-captive clientele!

The mind reels, thinking of all the progressive policies that could be implemented — that MUST be implemented. Here is only a partial list of the mandatory features of such a culinary establishment — in no particular order:

Living wage for all. Indeed, no way a person can raise two kids in La Jolla on a paltry $15/hour wage. Think big. All “tip” employees get the minimum wage PLUS tips (as is NOW the case in California!). Guaranteed pensions and health care for all workers — including part-timers and retired employees. Time off for whatever — with pay. No labor saving devices allowed. No self ordering kiosks permitted. The mind boggles when going down this path. Employees should not be burdened with the denigrating requirement that they notify management in advance that they are not coming to work. Tenure. Probably after 6 month’s employment. Don’t laugh — France and Italy have variations on this guaranteed employment approach — even if a business is thinking of closing. More paid holidays. Overtime kicks in at 30 hours — not 40. Hell, TWENTY HOURS makes even more “sense.” The employees have a “safe space” to retreat to if their sensibilities are threatened. Indeed, let’s solve this concern by declaring that the entire restaurant is a “safe space” — forbidding conservatives from voicing political opinions while on the premises. All food is guaranteed to be grown, harvested, purchased and prepared in the most expensive, inefficient way possible. Guaranteed youth employment (again, an EXISTING European policy). Mandatory profit sharing (if there is, perchance, any profit to share). Hiring quotas for all minorities — including the 47 variations of LGBT designations. No background checks of perspective employees allowed — either employment history or criminal activity. No supervisor should have the power to actually — ya know — TELL an employee what to do. Suggestions would, of course, still be welcome. It’s insulting to require employees to wash their hands every time they handle raw meat, or go to the bathroom. End such admonitions — make hygiene optional. I must here apologize because surely I have left out numerous additional PC requirements such a liberal establishment should implement. Admittedly I’m not that familiar with the deeper recesses of the progressive mind. Now, some Troglodyte naysayer is going to point out that the cost of a meal in such a slipshod establishment would be two, three, or six times more than a capitalist restaurant. But I postulate that progressives are SOOOOO dedicated to their belief system that such a base consideration would not even enter their minds. And indeed, for a few, that might even be true!! To the wealthy progressives, I say this: Put YOUR money where YOUR mouth is. Start this restaurant chain! ADDED BENEFIT I PROBABLY SHOULD NOT MENTION: Given the likely high incidence of e-coli, botulism, etc. that would result — over time there would be fewer doctrinaire liberal mouths to feed. Save the planet!!