When 13 Reasons Why debuted on Netflix last month, it did so to warm reviews. Early assumptions based on the source material—a young adult best-seller by Jay Asher—and the involvement of pop singer Selena Gomez meant some critics were surprised to find such depth in the series, which deals unflinchingly with sexual assault and teenage suicide. But some viewers and mental health organizations have started to question whether 13 Reasons Why glamorizes suicide—and if the series went too far in depicting the traumatic act on-screen.

Writer Nic Sheff is no stranger to self-harm. A longtime crystal-meth user and the subject of his father’s best-selling memoir, Beautiful Boy: A Father’s Journey Through His Son’s Addiction, Sheff himself once tried to take his own life. He brought that experience to his role as writer of Episode 6 of 13 Reasons Why, and to the op-ed below, in which Sheff shares why the series thought it was vital to show Hannah Baker’s entire journey—even its very upsetting end.

As soon as I read the pilot for 13 Reasons Why, I immediately knew it was a project I wanted to be involved in. I was struck by how relevant and even necessary a show like this was: offering hope to young people, letting them know that they are not alone—that somebody out there gets them. In 13 Reasons Why, the story of a high-school girl who takes her own life, I saw the opportunity to explore issues of cyberbullying, sexual assault, depression, and what it means to live in a country where women are devalued to the extent that a man who brags about sexually assaulting them can still be elected president. And, beyond all that, I recognized the potential for the show to bravely and unflinchingly explore the realities of suicide for teens and young adults—a topic I felt very strongly about.

What creator Brian Yorkey and we all accomplished in Season 1, I’m extremely proud of. The show ended up being even more impactful than I could’ve imagined. Recently, however, I’ve been reading quite a few posts by suicide-prevention advocates and other individuals expressing concern, or even outrage, at the show’s decision to depict its protagonist’s suicide on-screen. In other words, they thought it would be better to leave her character’s death to the imagination.

This response was actually quite surprising to me. From the very beginning, I agreed that we should depict the suicide with as much detail and accuracy as possible. I even argued for it—relating the story of my own suicide attempt to the other writers.

While my reasons for ending my life were far different from the protagonist’s of 13 Reasons Why, there were some similarities. We both experienced a feeling of complete and utter defeat. Circumstances—some extreme and some quotidian—compiled to back us up against a wall with the feeling that nothing we ever did could ever repair the damage done, and that all last traces of hope had been blotted out completely.

For me, I’d lost everything. I couldn’t stay sober; I’d destroyed my life and nearly destroyed my family—and there seemed no possibility of anything ever getting any better. They say suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but the problem really didn’t seem all that temporary. In fact, it seemed fucking eternal.

And so I went into the bathroom. I emptied out all the pills I had. I didn’t write a note. I just started swallowing—chasing them down with a bottle of whiskey.