When do you do it? What if it hurts? What if I don't feel like it? Nearly 90 per cent of respondents said they had ten or more separate concerns about sex after childbirth - and that's a lot of worry. On top of all this, previous research shows that the time just after the baby is born is associated with unique declines in a couple's relationship satisfaction. So, the top concern for women? There were two: the frequency of intercourse after childbirth and the changes in body image and its impact on sexual activity. Men were most concerned about their partner's mood swings, followed closely by the concern about frequency. And at number six for the women, the mismatch in sexual desire because their partners had more desire than they did. Men too were concerned about the mismatch – because they had more desire than their partners. One young professional woman told me: "My partner took it to heart that we were allowed to have sex six weeks after birth, and wanted to try as soon as possible.

"He was so keen and to be honest I wasn't very interested... at first it was very weird and uncomfortable," she said. For her, sex was right at the bottom of the priority list, way below sleeping, eating and having showers. "So at first I admit, I mostly just went along with it because my partner really wanted to but now, I'm finally enjoying sex again. I can't say it ever occurs to me to want to have sex, I still have very little libido but when we do because of my persistent and charming partner, I'm always glad we did." She says her libido just disappeared and that gets brought up when the couple fights once every six weeks or so. "He says 'you NEVER want to have sex!' and it's true. I don't feel horny, but sometimes I want sex because of the intimacy and cuddles.

"He doesn't quite get that." But there is a solution to the sexual desert after the baby. And, according to Professor Rosen's research, that's to give the new parents plenty of preparation and education. The research says health care providers should be encouraged to start the conversation with new parents, and discuss specifically to what degree couples are distressed by their concerns – not just about the sex but about what it's doing to their relationships. Desiree Yap, a gynaecologist at Monash Medical Centre in Melbourne, says that everyone involved in the education of new parents should be talking about the issue of sex after babies. "We need to be telling everyone that it is normal to be worried about it and telling [expectant parents] more about what to expect," she says.

Yap says health workers often wait until the six week period is up to discuss it but the six week check might be too little too late for some couples, she says. She recommends a "touch-base" visit with their family doctor at one week. Another young mother, now expecting her second child, is relieved her partner doesn't have much of a sex drive. They've had a hell of a time what with IVF for months on end, morning sickness, vomiting and the birth was accompanied by a second degree tear that even after six months was causing pain. "I have the most amazing husband who has been supportive through all of this. He's akin to Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory – a big brain who doesn't crave sex like other men seem to and I've heard plenty of stories from my friends of fending off horny husbands. "To be honest – the lack of pressure to have sex from my husband was a relief – it was one less societal expectation to try and handle." She mentioned another three of the concerns that mothers commonly experience – breastfeeding, returning to work and the image of what a body looks like after childbirth. And this woman looks fitter than a fiddle, however fit that might be.

Wendy Vanselow, a medical doctor who is also a sex counsellor at the Women's Hospital in Melbourne, says that people find it hard enough to talk about sex in the first place and the focus with expectant parents is about the immediate – the labour, birth and breastfeeding. She says it's vital to discuss what she describes as the 'desire discrepancy'. "It's an issue that comes up very frequently, that sexuality declines somewhat in the postpartum period and a lot of people are not prepared for it, they don't know what to expect and they don't know what to do about it." Like Yap, she recommends an early visit to the GP or ask for help from the midwife or obstetrician. "Including education about normal postpartum changes that affect sexuality will give couples more realistic expectations," says Anita Elias, head of the sexual medicine and therapy clinic at Monash Health.

She says one study revealed that 15 per cent of women ever discussed the issue with a health professional. "I try to counsel couples that it is normal to have many different sexual problems, especially in the short term. If they are addressed at the time, then it can be resolved. If they are not, what should be a short term problem turns into a long term problem." Of course, it's not always bad news. Often but not always. Dee Madigan, creative director of agency Campaign Edge and regular guest on Gruen, had no trouble. "I found that generally sex was much better after my first child... obviously first time after was a tiny bit painful – but then again, I only waited five weeks," she said.