Please excuse any formatting errors. I have written this entry with pen and paper, skipped the computer, and am currently typing it all up on my phone (yayyy computer viruses).I want to reflect upon something that I was taught as a child: that all bachelors are villains, and what is the only thing that can drain a man of the poison that streams from his cock that he can not control? A bride to have authority over. Yes, only the sacrificial blood from his bride's hymen can tame this deadly snake. What happens to a woman who is poisoned with his cum with out that safety-ring on her finger? Is this the cursed potion that causes her delicate body to become that of a whore's?I should mention that I wasn't taught this in the 60's, but in the early 2000's. To be fair, these weren't the words, but a thoughtful interpretation. Oh, and I was raised in a southern Baptist church in the heart of rural Georgia. That is significant. Not all southern Baptist churches do this I am sure, but it is still the only place I have ever heard this type of thinking.I was twelve years old, and shy, and sitting in a hot room full of boys who made fun of me and girls with pin-straight hair. I had come to get my weekly Sunday-School lesson. I had on a long, scratchy, pink floral floor length dress, and my arms stayed tightly crossed around my waist to hide the stomach that, at this point, was still only a figment of my imagination.Today's lesson was a discussion of biblical marriage. If you have ever read about marriage in the bible, it can often seem like a bum deal for women (1 Peter 3 is a good example of this).Most youth ministers generally never want to elaborate on the aforementioned verses, because the views are so unpopular. However, it is undeniably a part of this book that Southern Baptists take completely literally, so they do have to come up from time to time. When they do, you can look into the eyes of all the twelve-year-olds, so malleable in this phase where they are trying their hardest to understand how this life-thing works. The boys are trying their best to hide their excitement at the prospect of future, unquestioned, superiority. They are trying not to gloat of their official win in front of the girls they have had playground-wars with for all of their lives, a game that is drawing to a close at this age. The females, including me, are trying their best not to show the dissapointment and heartbreak on our faces, as we were being raised in the South, we had always known that this lesson would come. Though we all tried to hide, these thoughts are completely apparent to even the most ignorant of observer.This particular youth minister picked up on this dynamic, and offered an viewpoint that I had never heard before, sort of as a consolation prize for the downtrodden prepubescent females who had just lost the classic blacktop-battle over which gender was better. He recited a quote that I can't exactly remember by a popular minister/theologian that I probably don't want to remember, and then explained it. "Women have the privilege of doing a great service for society and other women; marrying men who would be sexually perverse and potentially dangerous otherwise."Uh, what?The youth minister explained that marriage is extraordinarily beneficial to society not only because the woman would gain a protector (because she obviously could not protect herself... obviously) but that women also get to make the world a better place. He explained that men are biologically programmed to spread their seed (ooh, might that be a thought borrowed from an attempt at biology, minister?) and were therefore prone to all sorts of perverse thoughts and actions. This biological nature of man made him more tempted to go down paths of sexual immorality such as fornication, rape, use of pornography, and even pedophilia. Marriage allowed them to get their sexual tensions out in not only a healthy, but a holy, manner.Now, to be fair, I haven't heard this explanation but once. However, upon first glance, I am sure many Southern Baptists would agree with the sentiment whether they admitted to it or not. After what I am about to say, many of them, I believe my old minister is one of these, would probably open their eyes a little and see the dangers in teaching this. That being said, it is a thought that had infected my brain for a while, and now that I am informed enough to fight against this teaching, it is cathartic to do so. Perhaps it will keep another minister from infecting more young minds with such abhorrent beliefs about marriage, amongst other things.When I first heard this, I held on to it. I remember this particular Sunday School class out of the near-thousand I have attended in my lifetime simply because I grabbed onto this lesson. Perhaps it was because my patriarchal church left me with so little responsibility that I grabbed hold of whatever I could.(Side note- how are Southern Baptist women taught that they can shape the world? Child-rearing. They pass their beliefs down to their male son who are allowed to be leaders. I shit you not, I know for a fact that this one is still taught and believed in some of the more old fashioned Southern Baptist churches.)Anywho, let's dissect this disgusting assumption. Firstly, it debases men to mere animals hardly capable of controlling their moral thoughts and actions without the soft touch of their betrothed woman to domesticate them. Men are not animals, and they are better than that. They can fight off perverse temptations if they wish, and not because of a binding piece of legal paper. They can fight off perverse temptations because they are humans, with morals, and they do what they will to do. If they wanted to be sexually criminal, they can do that with or without a wife. If they want to not rape women, they can also do that with or without a wife. It's simple. Men are better than this teaching.The whole entire notion gave a sickening excuse for men to be more fallible. Yeah, he's a rapist. But you know, there isn't a woman who wanted to marry him so he had to get his frustrations out. See what happened there? Single women as a whole didn't like this man, so single women (because their the ones without the "protective husband"), pay the price. Why hello there, rape culture. I really wish I noticed you standing there while I was being brainwashed to believe in you.Also, what kind of girl wants to marry a man when he can't control himself? Well, that's right. This viewpoint taught us that you can change who a man is at the core of his being. Now what is the Christian divorce rate again?My first serious relationship was quite abusive, and I did not notice it for the longest time. I do not blame it completely on this teaching, but it was definitely a contributing factor. While my abuse was mostly mental and verbal, I had many many friends in the south with boyfriends who physically hurt them. We all knew that this was wrong and we all would be in the right to leave, but we all thought we "knew" that the cycle was inescapable. This was just how men were. They cheated on us, and while we knew with our heads that shouldn't happen, we never believed in our hearts that it could. Especially since we were the deflowered fornicators, we did not feel worthy to be the recipients of fidelity. Like I said, there are many, many cultural factors that contributed to this. This particular reason was not the sole cause of our brainwashing, but I am calling it out as a teaching that helped.I do want you to know, that although I am no longer a believer, I have no problem with most believers, and I have nothing against their teachings that possess a moral backbone. I do, however, disagree with many things I was taught about myself as a female at a young age, and I happened to be taught many of these things in a church. Like I said earlier, it is cathartic to let out pent up feelings and hopeful that these negative teachings might stop their spread. But I do not write these words intending judgment, I know many wonderful Southern Baptists who feel the way I feel about what I learned that day. The environment I was taught this in had to be mentioned however, it is culturally significant to the story.Sorry my first blog is so heavy! As soon as I get my vlog back up, it will be way more lighthearted and funny-sarcastic. Til then: http://youtube.com/user/MsJayCray