Twitter is the open mic at The Improv of the Internet, so unless you're a funny person who wants to be heckled, you might want to make your first tweet chuckle-worthy. To celebrate turning 8, Twitter on Thursday opened its archive, making it easy to look up anyone's first tweets. Yeah, we confess; we fell down the first-tweets rabbit hole fast. But at least you get to share in the adventure with a sample of our favorites funnies. See any we missed? Let us know in the comments.

I hope the 17 fans on my Geocities page follow me here. -- Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) May 1, 2010

Yeesh, Ape-lad. Is it not enough that I blog? -- John Hodgman (@hodgman) April 10, 2008

Say hello to my e-go! -- Joe Mande (@JoeMande) October 16, 2009

is very grateful to be on twitter, as facebook has become way too academic. -- John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) April 19, 2009

Today I interviewed a squirrel in my backyard and then threw to commercial. Somebody help me. -- Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) February 24, 2010

from now on I need to be referred to as ? ... thanks -- braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) February 9, 2011

Good to finally be on twitter. It was quite a struggle overcoming my phobia of the @ symbol. -- Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) September 14, 2011

Tom DeLay, you sir, are no Patrick Swayze. -- Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) September 23, 2009

Criminal scum of Twitter beware. Your reign of banal comments and villainous musings ends tonight! -- The Batman (@TheBatman) April 6, 2010