Dear Retailers: Screw You

A letter from a woman who’s been both “normal” and “plus” sized.

In the past 4 years…I’ve lost 100 lbs.

Shopping when I was thinner was so fun, so many options, and so celebrated!

Then, gained it back. And now, am in the process of losing it again. But, along the way — I gained something I never EVER want to lose: confidence and body love.

For the first time in my life, I can look at myself, naked in the mirror for more than 5 seconds. I can do so without hitting myself, yelling obscenities, or wanting to do something much worse, like cause bodily harm.

In fact, now I look in the mirror and say,

“Smile. You are sexy, lady.”

Recent photo. Feeling sexy, at any size. I actually feel more confident now, than in the photo above this in the dressing room.

This didn’t happen overnight. I’ve immersed myself in a positive visual diet intentionally, and actively practice confidence building exercises. And, it’s working. I feel better. And when I feel better, this happens:

I WANT to work out.

I WANT to hang out with friends.

I WANT to eat healthier.

I WANT to have sex.

I WANT to meditate.

I WANT to clean.

I WANT to live my life again.

I WANT to be fashionable.

Because, I don’t feel like dog shit. I feel happy enough to want to do things again. All the things!

Until…I go shopping.

Now, some of you may have nodded your head just now. Thinking about dressing room horror stories, crying because jeans are impossible to find, etc…

That…is not the part of shopping I’m talking about.

What I mean, is the experience — of being viewed as “less than” from a retail standpoint.

Example one: a friend had an adorable dress on the other day, and I was shocked to learn she’d bought it at JCPenny’s. I hightailed it over there to look, and heck yes — they must have a new buyer, because the clothes were adorable…

In the normal sized section.

Huge, bright displays. Adorable outfits put together. Big signs. Liz Clairborne had an entire area sectioned off with yellow frames/doors and amazing graphic signage.

The plus-sized section?

Was nowhere to be found. So, I went on a mission. And finally stumbled upon it. Right next to the bedding. Downstairs in the corner by the portrait studio. No displays. No signs. Liz Clairborne sells plus sized dresses…but, no celebration of style or big displays, here. Just racks of haphazardly placed clothing. I found a few pieces worth trying on. But mostly, a lot of elastic waist light wash jeans, and bedazzled sweaters. Then…

I cried in the dressing room.

Not because I didn’t like what I saw in myself. When I was in my bra and underwear, I felt great. What I hated, was seeing these clothes that I was resigned to trying on because they were “ok.” Hell, that day — I couldn’t even FIND pajama pants. They had dozens of pairs for “regular” sizes, but zero pajamas in the plus section. Because God forbid someone with curves would want to feel sexy when getting into bed. Might as well just live in sweatpants, right? UGH. I sat there, remembering just two years earlier. 100 lbs lighter. My shopping experience was so different! Soooo many options. Not now.

But, more important than the options — was that I missed being treated like a fucking human being.

(note: JCPenny has reached out personally, and vowed to listen/take constructive criticism in this ongoing conversation since this was first published. Thank you, JCP team for your willingness to listen)

Example 2: On a trip to Macy’s I was in search of a dress for a speaking gig. I perused the dress section upstairs, right as you walk in from the mall. Beautiful. On display. Front of the store. Tons of options. But, always just short of my size. Huh. Where were the plus sized dresses? In the basement. In the FUCKING BASEMENT…again. I rode the escalator with a woman and her two thin friends. One exclaimed, “Oh, I didn’t even know this was down here!” Exactly. Nobody wants people to know it’s down there, right? Tucked far in the back, where nobody could “discover” the big girl clothes. Why? I’ll tell you why.

Because nobody wants to accept the fact that some women aren’t ashamed to be that size.

I’m NOT ashamed of being the size I am. Do I think being smaller would be better for my heart? Hell yes. Do I let it change my style? Fuck no. I try not to. Do I let it stop me from enjoying life?

NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NOOOOOO. I don’t.

Not anymore. I used to hide when I was this size. Ashamed. I didn’t want anyone to see me. Screw that. If we keep hiding whenever we feel less than perfect, pretty soon life will pass us by and it’ll be gone.

The New Goal

“I just want to get out of plus sizes, that’s my only weight loss goal.” I told myself 3 days ago. Because I miss the social aspect of shopping with my friends. I miss not having to say, “Oh, I’ll meet you somewhere else — this store doesn’t have my size.” After establishing the clothing size goal, I was pissed. Why?

Because for once in my life, I feel happy from the inside out. But, if I want to celebrate my curves with a new dress…I’m reminded that I don’t deserve options, and I sure as hell don’t deserve being able to socially shop with my thinner besties.

Recently, Target launched a “new line” of plus sized clothing. I get it. They are trying to appeal to this quickly growing demographic. After all:

67% of U.S. women wear between a size 14–32.

But, Target…and other retailers, you’re missing the fucking boat. I don’t want SPECIAL FUCKING CLOTHES. A section all to myself. I just want NORMAL CLOTHES. Because people who are overweight are already viewed as “less than” by society, and by giving us a completely different type of clothing…it’s just another reminder, that we don’t “deserve” to be normal. If I get a compliment on a sweater, and my friend asks me where I got it, I don’t want to HAVE to have this conversation —

“I got it at Target.”

“Sweet, I’ll pick one up this weekend.”

“No, sorry…you’re too skinny. This is from the big girl section. It’s ‘SPECIAL’.”

One Department Fits All

So, what do I really want? It’s pretty simple. Fuck plus sizes. And same for the dudes, fuck big and tall. With such a huge percentage of women in this bracket now, why can’t we just have “sizes”. Not “regular” or “plus”…just sizes. In general. Together. In one spot.

Not in the fucking basement.

Not tucked away by the bedsheets, in the corner.

Not hidden in shame.

Not glorified by some new ad spin language.

Not in a separate Goddamn store.

Because sometimes, a newly confident woman doesn’t want to feel “special”.

Sometimes, she just wants to feel equal.