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“THANK GOD, that’s one comfort during these sorrowful times,” exhaled the world, breathing a gargantuan sigh of relief as it read of the latest rich celebrity or business person being tested or diagnosed with Covid-19, at a time and in a country where frontline workers are not even being provided with tests.

“Every day I look for the bright spots – the good news. This is a huge lift,” shared one person after reading that someone like Idris Elba or Prince Charles was given the sort of swift and essential testing for Covid-19 that nurses and doctors on the front line could only dream of.

While some idiots have reacted angrily to healthcare professionals and other essential staff across the world not being tested at the rate and ease at which certain famous people seem to be managing, it has been explained that “c’mon, famous people are the real heroes here”.

“If these tests were being attained with perplexing ease by anybody other than celebrities, I might start to ask myself some searching questions and get outraged that healthcare workers are openly being treated with disdain by some governments, but look, at the end of the day, what’s a nurse battling to save lives when compared to a person famous for a movie, song, sextape or tax evasion,” conceded the rational portion of the world’s population.

Authorities in the relevant countries defended the testing by stating “the rich famous people met all the requirements for jumping to the top of the queue such as ‘fuck you we’re rich and famous’ and ‘oh my God, you thought we’d treat everyone equally, how quaint'”.