We Interviewed Joe Don Baker and, Be Honest, You Have No Idea Who That Is, Do You?

Few character actors have had as prolific of a career as the great Joe Don Baker. But who are we kidding? Unless you recently binged MST3K like we did, you have no fucking clue who we’re talking about. Fortunately, we were able to sit down recently with the beacon of masculinity that is Joe Don Baker, or “Joey D” as he prefers to be called, for an exclusive interview.

Hard Times: Thank you for taking the time to talk with us Mr. Don Baker.

Joe Don Baker: It’s just Baker, you little punk

Ok, first question, which of your movies do you think is our dad’s favorite?

I get this a lot. If it ain’t Walking Tall then he ain’t your real father, kid.

Who would win in a fight between Pierce Brosnan and Alan Cumming?

Please. I could take on both of those church boys with one hand.

You do seem pretty tough. How did you get so beefy?

All I eat is pickled eggs and ham steaks.

Is that a case of Schlitz? Did you bring Schlitz to this interview?

Yep.

…can we have some?

Hell no.

Fair enough. Who would win in a drinking conference, you or Lawrence Olivier?

Me, obviously.

Okay, who would win in an acting contest?

What’s that supposed to mean?

Nevermind. You look like you want to hurt us right now.

Is it that obvious. I never did learn how to stifle my rage.

Clearly. You’re wrapping a chain around your knuckles as we speak.

Just a reflex. Ignore it.

Well, we should wrap this up. Last question, are you okay? Like, do you need money or anything?

Of course not. I have everything I need. I hand make my own shotgun shells, I have burlap hammock to sleep in and, just today, I found my other sock.

Sounds like you’ve got a lot going on. Thanks again for taking the time to talk with us, Joey D.

Don’t ever fucking call me that again, kid.