How low can you go?

Do you ever get the feeling that much of the football media exists in its own bubble? That, regardless of context, and however tenuous the link, the slightest update in a footballer’s life must be a hint or message of some sort? For some, a Cristiano Ronaldo confession that he loves eating toffee would equate to a ‘come-and-get-me plea’ to Everton. Or if Lionel Messi explained his hatred for bees, the Argentinean would be ‘blasting’ Brentford.

If such a wilfully oblivious bubble does exist – and it really, really does – then The Metro and The Sun are at the centre of it. Because both report that Alexis Sanchez posted ‘a cryptic message’ on Instagram on Thursday evening. And as we all know, a ‘cryptic message’ posted by a footballer must concern his future, and not anything in his private life.

Of course, Sanchez’s ‘cryptic message’ was actually a heartfelt post regarding his cousin, who died at the age of 43 earlier this week. So nothing to do with his future or his contract. But we are in the midst of the January transfer window, so that simply won’t do for some.

When The Metro published their version of the story at 7:15 on Thursday evening, the headline read: ‘Alexis Sanchez hints he’s secretly unhappy in cryptic Instagram post.’ After the real reason behind the Chilean’s message was pointed out, the headline was amended – almost an hour after the story was published.

‘Some thought the message could relate to his current uncertainty at Arsenal,’ reads the first line of the third paragraph. ‘Some’ meaning you, you mean?

Handily, the original URL remains untouched. One must wonder why they wouldn’t change a URL like this: http://metro.co.uk/2017/01/19/arsenal-ace-alexis-sanchez-hints-hes-secretly-unhappy-in-cryptic-instagram-post-6392412/

As for The Sun, they waited until Friday morning to cover the news, and on their back page, no less. ‘Alexis in mystery,’ reads the headline. Mark Irwin writes.

‘ARSENAL fans have begged Alexis Sanchez to stay after he posted a cryptic “broken heart” message on Instagram. ‘The Chilean star sparked anxious replies after he wrote: “Strong people smile with a broken heart. They cry with the doors closed and fight battles that no one knows.” ‘“They cry with the doors closed and fight battles that no one knows…!!” ‘Supporters reckoned it may be proof he wants to quit the Emirates — but it is thought the message was for his cousin, who recently died from a brain tumour in their homeland at the age of just 43.’

So it is not until the fourth paragraph of the story, by which time this has already become a transfer update with Arsenal fans ‘begging Sanchez to stay’ (of which there is no proof, not even a fabled collection of panicked tweets), that we learn the actual reason behind the post. That doesn’t sound like a ‘mystery’; it sounds like you knew all along. Delightful.

In fairness to The Metro, while they did jump on the story immediately in the thirst for transfer updates, thereby failing to do basic research, they did at least change the story fairly quickly. But The Sun waited until the following morning to wilfully misrepresent facts that were readily available to them. Funny, that.

Ask a simple question

Writes Neil Ashton in his column for The Sun:

‘Name a nailed-on successful signing for Manchester City in the 5½ years since they grabbed Sergio Aguero for £35million in July 2011.’

Kevin De Bruyne. Cheers.



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City slickers

That was rude of Mediawatch. Let’s allow Ashton to continue with his critique of Manchester City.

‘Hundreds of millions of pounds has been squandered on fair-to-middling footballers,’ reads the sub-headline, and he’s even done the maths: £569m has been spent over the past five-and-a-half years on 42 players, and he deems Aguero the sole success.

‘Admittedly, Aguero has been a tough act to follow, with 113 goals in 165 Premier League appearances since his arrival from Atletico Madrid. ‘Yet finding that dot-on-the-card signing who joined after the Argentina striker becomes a struggle. ‘A one-in-42 strike rate does not look good. ‘When a club can chew through that kind of cash they invite scrutiny, particularly after defeats as damaging as the one at Everton last Sunday. ‘The idea that City are taken to the cleaners every time they express an interest in a player is gathering pace.’

Mediawatch does not necessarily disagree with Ashton’s general theme, but it does need reminding as to who wrote the following for the Daily Mail in September 2015:

‘Before Manchester City committed £52million to sign Kevin De Bruyne, their executive committee examined more than 50 scouting reports on the midfieder. ‘Almost all De Bruyne’s performances for Wolfsburg and Belgium were analysed by City’s recruitment department. Each aspect of his life was assessed in line with a huge rethink of City’s recruitment strategy after the showy signings made immediately after Sheikh Mansour’s takeover in September 2008. ‘This is a new era at City, who are trying hard to eliminate expensive mistakes. They have become Manchester’s better-run club, adopting a sophisticated strategy that is different from the impulsive, scattergun nature of Manchester United manager Louis van Gaal and chief executive Ed Woodward. ‘Seven years on from the £32.5m signing of Robinho from Real Madrid, the perception that City continue to throw money at a problem irritates the club’s executives.’

That will be one Neil Ashton who, 16 months ago, branded City as ‘Manchester’s better-run club’, who said they opposed Manchester United’s ‘scattergun nature’ of transfers, who criticised ‘the perception that City continue to throw money at a problem’. Now they are just being ‘taken to the cleaners every time they express an interest in a player’.

Load of pony

Someone drove up to Charlie Nicholas’ house in an expensive car while wearing a funny hat and p*ssed in his cornflakes on Friday morning, because the Sky Sports pundit is not happy with Memphis Depay.

“I would have chased him out last summer,” says the angry man. “He’s a show pony. He was only interested in the United image. Mourinho doesn’t do show ponies, just ask Joe Cole.”

Joe Cole might reply by showing you the two Premier League winner’s medals he claimed under Jose Mourinho at Chelsea. Or the FA Cup. Or his three most prized possession: two League Cup winner’s medals and a Community Shield, all won under the Portuguese’s tutelage.

Sure, Cole was out of the first-team picture by the time Mourinho left Chelsea in September 2007. But let’s not ignore that the “show pony” made 122 appearances for the Blues while the Portuguese was manager.

ImMersive

Someone ring the damn Paul Merson alarm, because it’s time for his Premier League predictions for Sky Sports. Here are the best bits.

On Chelsea’s game against Hull:

“Whatever happens, it’ll be three points at Stamford Bridge for Antonio Conte’s side.”

What if they draw? Or lose?

On Crystal Palace’s game against Everton:

“Despite Palace’s recent problems, Selhurst Park is a difficult place to go.”

Crystal Palace have the worst home record in the Premier League this season. They are literally 20th out of 20 clubs.

Let’s finish with an old Merson classic, shall we?

“Everton are like a bag of Revels, you just don’t know what you’re going to get.”

Textbook.

Out of the Woods

David Woods has an exclusive in the Daily Star. And oh boy, this is a big one. He writes:

‘Diego Costa is to feature in a major revamp of the branding at Stamford Bridge. ‘It suggests Chelsea have no intention of selling their unsettled striker, despite his bust-up with boss Antonio Conte over a back injury.’

Either that or, as Woods states in the next paragraph, ‘some of the images around Chelsea’s stadium are being changed because they feature Costa’s former teammate Oscar’.

As is oft-repeated on these hallowed pages: when the opposite is a bigger story, it’s not back-page news. If Chelsea were to rebrand Stamford Bridge and exclude their top goalscorer from any images, that would be plain weird.

Three is the magic number

Writes Matthew Dunn in the Daily Express:

‘Lucas is refusing to commit his future to Liverpool this month and admits the clock is ticking on his Anfield career. ‘Inter Milan are said to be at the head of a number of clubs in the hunt for a player who has played just three times in the Premier League all season.’

Amount of Premier League appearances for Lucas Leiva this season: 10.



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James Nursey, Daily Mirror exclusive, January 20: ‘Ashley Young is ready to snub Premier League interest this month to clinch a mega money move to China. The Manchester United winger, 31, is wanted by Shandong Luneng in the Chinese Super League’

Warren Haughton, The Sun exclusive, January 14: ‘Ashley Young is wanted by Chinese Super League side Shandong Luneng’

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