‪With the rise of simply monikered bands like Yuck, The Weeknd, Real Estate, Blouse, Corridor, Cave, and others, perhaps the world has never needed more bizarrely—or at least memorably—named groups. Who’s going to remember a name like Girls when Vomit Erection is out there? Yes, the lyrics to the latter’s “Warm Diarrhoea [sic] Blasts On My Face” are objectionable and the music nonsensical, but godammit, it’s a name you won’t forget. The A.V. Club sees thousands of band names every year, and we don’t notice most of them. We keep a list of the ones we do notice, either because they’re funny, bad, cheesy, so mundane they’re transcendent, or otherwise memorable. Here’s 2011’s bumper crop.

‬‬Animals

Bear With Hawk Fist ‪‬

Video for “Golden Paramedics” is all cell-phone footage of people—well, mainly one guy—dancing badly at a wedding:

Shark? ‪

Press clips include “…Shark?…” —The New York Times


Breathe Owl Breathe

Deer Bear ‪

Winner, Most Overwrought Band Bio. A sample: “We open a door to sadness. Sadness is a magnifying glass when used with courage. Open yourself up to it; invite sadness in when it waits on your doorstep, always eager and ready. On the doorstep of your mental house, in which you spend all your life, locked away from everything else; in your House behind the eyes. Our notes and lyrics will make you open the door, and your dogs in the cellar will cease their barking and your demons will hold their breath, just for a little while.”


Dinosaur Pile-Up

Pulled Apart By Horses ‪

Song titles from the band’s eponymous debut full-length: “Back To The Fuck Yeah,” “I Punched A Lion In The Throat,” “I’ve Got Guestlist To Rory O’Hara’s Suicide,” “Moonlit Talons”

Halo Of Snakes

Their song names were apparently taken from The Big Book Of Hardcore Song Titles: “Scapegoat,” “Still Alive, Hands Untied,” “Virtue Never Tested,” “Infection Kills The Carrier.” Double points for “Voice Of A Lion, Heart Of An Asshole.”


Lady Lamb The Beekeeper

The one-woman band moniker of Aly Spaltro, who writes “sprawling, lyric & melody-based songs”—as opposed to others based on what?—about “lost, true & unrequited love, nostalgia, nectarine meat, wolf maulings, plum crumb cake” and a whole lot of other twee things.


Suck Piggy ‪

All-female Japanese “death punk” band. Their SXSW bio is adorable: “With heavy music that contains a hardcore element Therefore it is acting in melodic music where it doesn’t stay… It is five time habitual practice as for independent project ?PIGGY*STARDUST? by 2008.”

Horse Meat Disco

Cheer Up Moon Cat

Nipplepotamus

Sharks Come Cruisin

Tunabunny

Kittens In The Engine

Just Another Snake Cult

American Werewolf Academy ‪‬


“File under: rock, anthems, fun,” helpfully notes their website.

Unicorn Hard-On

Animals In Human Attire

Blackwolfgoat

Wolves Like Us

All Pigs Must Die


Pets With Pets

Most recent album: Saturday Aquatic Pixie Acid‬

Dog Shredder

Female anatomy

Cliteater

Their website is cliteater.NET. Someone else apparently owns cliteater.com! Song titles include “She-Male Cocksucker Blues” and “For Those About To Eat Clit, We Salute You.” Albums include Clit ’Em All (2003, originally available on Dismemberment Records & Bleeding Hemorrhoid Records); Eat Clit Or Die (2005); Reign In Thongs (split with Suppository, 2006); Scream Bloody Clit (2008); The Great Southern Clitkill (2010)‬


Dripping Slits

Album: Short Skirts And Long Nights. See the title track played below: “I hope every motherfucker here is wasted, and every bitch is wet as fuck!”

Pussy Sisster

Lead singer’s name: Alex “Sex” Nad. In this band’s hometown, Karlsruhe, Germany, it’s still the Sunset Strip, 1986.


The Roast Beef Curtains

“The RBC” refers to itself as a “Pleasure band.” “A live, in your face, dub-filled & tripped out experience means we did our job and brought the pleasure,” says singer Andrew in its bio.


Full Blown Cherry

Black Pussy

You might want to use the qualifier “band” when Googling this one. Lyrics include “I got death on my shoulder / and the girl with the sweetest ass” and “She’s my high-heeled cocaine.” Party! (The band takes its name from the supposed original title to the Stones’ “Brown Sugar.”)‬


Mannequin Pussy

Facebook description: LIKE A BAT STUCK IN A TENT. Releases include Bonerjamz!


Male anatomy

Slow Dance Chubby

Penicular Manslaughter

UrbanDictionary (the first Google result) helpfully defines this as “killing someone with your massive man member.” “Song” titles—use the term loosely—include “My Pappy Done Died” and “Croco Gators.”


‬Bodily fluids & other grossness

Jizzm In A Prism

Supersonic Piss

The Vomettes

On SoundCloud, check out “Saw Yr Tits” and “Wrong Hole”—the latter begins “I ain’t no Riot Grrl, so fuck me in the ass” ‬


A Zit From Acne

Vomit Erection

Bio: “We stand for the human depravity! NO tolerence [sic], in any manner for NOone! Anti-ecological, anti-social, anti-human way of life, that’s what SCAT GORE means.”

Song titles: “Scatalogical [sic] Pig Vomitorium,” “Boiling My Child’s Excrements,” “Crisis Of Rectal Mentality”‬


Tampax Vortex

Slut, bitch, etc.

Slutever

From their Facebook wall: “WHY DOES EVERYONE LIKE OUR REFLECTIONS ON POPULAR CULTURE BUT NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE SHOW’S WE’RE PLAYING where did we go wrong”

First chorus for “Smells Like Milk”


American Sugar Bitch

Has a page on its site called “The Girls” devoted to shots of cleavage.


Bio: “Consisting of all pro performers, ASB has genuine direction and excellent song writing ability.” “Genuine direction”? They just finished an eight-song CD, Work Sucks, which features, uh, a cover of “Strange Fruit,” the gut-wrenching song about lynching made famous by Billie Holiday

The Local Skank

Fooled you! It’s an female ska band! Song: “My Friend Pants”

Exclamation points!!!!!!

Zootsuitbeatnick!

The Wonderful Sound Of Induce!

Sunbears!


Behold! The Monolith

Sweet album cover:


1994!

Songs: “Shut Up The Fuck Up,” “Acknowledge The Rage,” “Thank All You Guy Helpening,” “We’re Excited About Thinking,” “Reptile Dysfunction.” Also, awesome URL: 1994punctuation.com


Dad Rocks!

Weird punctuation

Into It. Over It.

…music video?

Runner-up, Best Google-Evading Name

2007 album: Now That My TV Has Wings I’ll Never Be Lonely‬

W-H-I-T-E

Winner, Best Google-Evading Name

WHAT?! Band

It’s an acronym for Washington’s Hottest And Talented. Facebook “activities and interests” include Mary Kay cosmetics, “if God brought you to it, he will bring you through it ❤,” “HATED BY MANY…WANTED BY PLENTY…DISLIKED BY SOME…CONFRONTED BY NONE.”


letlive.

Next Stop: Horizon

Sleep ∞ Over

Winner, Most Ridiculous Website‬

Friend Slash Lover

Winner, Most Overwrought Video‬


TL;DR

Are bands based on Internet slang the worst of the worst? Maybe! This stands for “too long; didn’t read.” ‬


…Or The Dog Gets It

This band is composed of dudes who met while working on a cruise ship.‪

Extra cheese

The Tears Of Music And Love

Just because it’s a Deerhoof reference doesn’t make it a good name.‬

Nowhere But Hear

Decided to spell it that way “just to confuse every ticket and poster printer we ever work with.” Sounds about right.


The Head And the Heart

Armor For The Broken

Rivals Of The Peacemaker

For a Minor Reflection

The Amity Affliction

The Rocturnals

This Las Vegas band that sounds like a combination of Gym Class Heroes and Limp Bizkit has a messianic streak and a guitarist who wears a mask for some reason (possibly to look like The Crow). They claim to be the progenitors of “urban rock,” which they describe as a combination of “Funk Rock, Alternative Rock music with Soulful Overtones, Hip-Hop Aggression and R&B Melodies.” “They are referred to by some Vegans [People who live in Vegas, not vegetarians. —ed.] as the urban version of Linkin Park.” (Just in case that’s not obvious, “urban” means “black.”) Member names: Pittboss, Novelist, E. Borders, Adam Crow (mask guy), and Trist. Drink it in, everyone: ‬

Love Songs From The Hated

Song titles: “You Day Dream, I Day Drink,” “Grandma’s Making Bombs,” “Fucking Punk Kid,” “Don’t Be Blind To The Fact, I’m Just A Pain In The Ass.”‬


Evolve Thru Scars

Honorable mention, Douchiest Band Photo

Driving Into Eternity

The band’s bio builds up the band’s debut in Austin this year: “At the start of their set there were 15 people in the bar quietly sipping their Lone Star beers after an uninspired set from, yet another, self-afflicted Emo band sporting girls’ jeans and way too much hairspray. As the Passersby and the sleepy bar patrons got an earful of this new Memphis band, heads turned and many people packed the bar from the street to see the newest and brightest stars in ‘Active Rock.’” SXSW has no record of their ever playing the festival.


Seven Day Sonnet

Suns Of The Forgotten

“Best described as ‘hard hitting blues metal’”‬

Laughing Eye Weeping Eye

Bio: “Laughing Eye Weeping Eye performances are akin to watching a vaudevillian story-teller in a medival [sic] church with gospel singers, gnomes, and goats.” Members Rebecca Schoenecker and Patrick Holbrook are “bandmates in this life and gurus in another.”


The Color Morale

Song titles: “Be Longing Always,” “The Dying Hymn,” “Human(s)being,” “Humannequin.” The dregs of screamo.


Evolove

The band’s debut, 2012: Countdown To The End “fostered an array of key placements on ABC’s top-rated teen drama Pretty Little Liars as well as MTV’s hits shows.” Wow, key placements! Their bio also says their song “Wake Up Call” “carves a psychological hole in the sun with its penetrating urgency igniting a meteor shower of wattage.” We hope they didn’t pay the person who wrote this too much.


Summer Believers Arctic Dreamers

A Winged Victory For The Sullen

This is probably one of the top 10 all-time worst names we’ve encountered since starting this feature.‬


Treefight For Sunlight

Balance And Composure

Sacred Dawn

Bio: “SACRED DAWN HAS BEEN SAID TO DELIVER ONE OF THE MOST ORIGINAL PROGRESSIVE METAL MUSICAL EXPERIENCES HEARD SINCE THE DAWN OF TRUE PROG METAL.” ‬


Masochistic Paradox

Screaming Psyche

Acoustic Minds

Confess The Sin

Dance À La Plage

Audio Martyr

This Wicked Tongue

Bio: “We are a hard rocking four piece from Worcester, England, founded in 2010. Subverting genre and avoiding pigeonholes, our pleasure is rocking up and rocking out. Hooks plus balls. Don’t forget the balls, kids.”‬


Between The Rain

Haunting The Disconnect

Facebook bio: “Prepare to be touched in a Jerry Sandusky kind of way.” Classy! “If you like your hard rock razor sharp with a pounding southern swamp whiskey bend, Haunting the Disconnect is for you and your family (incarcerated or not)!”‬


Verbal Terrorists

Their logo incorporates both an anarchy symbol and a hammer and sickle. Which one is it?


Mares Of Thrace

Movie/TV/book references

Adebisi Shank

Another masked guitarist, this one in a red mask/hood combo:‬

Full Roaming Vapor

Bio: “Music is Television for your soul, It’s animation for your thoughts and air in your lungs when your [sic] otherwise drowning.

‪ It’s poetry with a soundtrack, where each

‬ ‪ beat and note provokes something that a paragraph could not otherwise convey and each word is a paradoxical link to one’s own tortured time and place.” Huh?

‪ It’s poetry with a soundtrack, where each ‬ ‪ beat and note provokes something that a paragraph could not otherwise convey and each word is a paradoxical link to one’s own tortured time and place.” Huh? ‬

Where does the song “Of Zombies, Ghandis & Such Very Dirty Laundries” fit in that?‬


Bad News Bears

Lo-Pan

Weerd Science

Rap project from a former member of Coheed And Cambria. “I AM WEERD SCIENCE, BITCH.”‬


Left Turn At Albuquerque

Chunk! No, Captain Chunk!

Cheeseball pop-punk isn’t limited to the U.S. These kids from Paris look like they could be from SoCal.‬

The Science Of Sleep

Two Michel Gondry-loving bands actually claim this name, one from Chicago Arkansas


The Original Marta

You Bred Raptors?


Vale Of Pnath

Rodents Of Unusual Size

At least two groups of Princess Bride fans claim this name: a Canadian ska band California punk band


Band/song references

Greco-Roman Soundsystem

WhoMadeWho

The Danish trio doesn’t look like big AC/DC fans, but maybe they just like Maximum Overdrive?


[pagebreak]

‪‬First person

We Are Enfant Terrible

We Were The States

I Got You On Tape

I Hate Our Freedom

Bio: “This is the straight-up no frills, 4-white-guys-with-guitars, canbeered and duct-taped rock we were all going deaf to before we got into girls. We’re not gonna change shit, neither is your band, everybody come on up front, this is a rock show, you’re welcome.”

Winner, Awesome Song Title: “Never Promise Crazy A Baby”‬

Hope I Die Virgin

I Break Horses

Captain, We’re Sinking

Song titles: “Manners Are Their Own Reward, Gentlemen,” “Curse Those Long Dancer’s Legs”‬


Second person

You Can Be A Wesley

Go Back To The Zoo

You You Dark Forest

Bring Your Ray Gun

Eat That Plastic


Fuck

Shitty Fucker

On their Metal Archives page, under “Lyrical themes”: “Fecal Matter, Fornication.” Mixtape title: Diarrheality. Alas, they broke up.‬


Thugfucker

Make sure you go to thugfucker.ORG

NunFuckRitual

Influences: “A dead tree.”‪

Sex

Fucksaw

Song titles: “Ass To Mouth,” “Addicted To Analingus,” “Gonorrhea Breath,” “Vaginoplasty,” “Britney Rears.” Here’s a live performance of “Confessions Of An Anal Whore”:

She’s A Tease

Skip The Foreplay

From a press release: “Aside from having one of the greatest names in history, Skip The Foreplay are simply Satan’s delivery system for music of mass destruction,” offers Epitaph founder and President Brett Gurewitz. Suggested addition for that press release: “…President Brett Gurewitz, who momentarily forgot he plays in one of the most important punk bands ever and thus deserves more dignity than this.”

Also, this band is terrible:‬

Monogamy Party

Check out “Fucking Out Your Brains” from Pus City

RapeDoor

“RAPEDOOR MUSIC VIDEO PREMIER [sic] IS SOOOOOON!!!!! CATCH A GLIMPSE OF THE PENIS PENGUIN !!!!!”‬


Lecherous Gaze

Christian Mistress

Bio…?: “In a cellar where anxiety and blind confidence collide, desperate sounds are set to flame. Marshall [sic] law screams out shallow skulls propulsed by human error. Walls of white wash marbled black. This is the freedom as a captive of sin. There’s no future here so let it burn us clean.”‬


Gay porn or orders from the captain?

Ramming Speed

Nudity

Naked On The Vague

The Naked And Famous

Drugs & Booze

Cocaine Moustache


They have a theme song:‬

Alcoholic Faith Mission

Long

Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All

A Great Big Pile Of Leaves

Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs

Surprise Me Mr. Davis

Say “No!” To Architecture

Letting Up Despite Great Faults

The Devil’s Horns Kill The Matador


They’re supposedly from New Jersey, but their bio has an ESL quality to it: “The music they create is what some people would call ‘sporadic’. Literally jumping from one thing to the next, these boys put emphasis and subtly [sic] in every song. Their stories touch on personal topics but are told through a variety of metaphors and smilies [sic].”

He’s My Brother She’s My Sister

March Of The Mongolian Deathwvrm

You Say France & I Whistle


In case the name didn’t set off your twee alarm: Each person’s bio lists the instruments they play along with stuff like “improvised dance moves,” “great yoga exercises,” “screams of both joy and frustration,” and “hamburgers.”‬

Der Blutharsch And The Infinite Church Of The Leading Hand

Why Are We Building Such A Big Ship?


Kind of genius

The TTTTotally Dudes

Bio: “We liked Robyn before Pitchfork said it was okay.”‬

Salem Bitch Trials

Song titles: “Eat My Pussy,” “Sexual Assault Causes Impotence,” “Deep Within It Swallows”


Genital Hospital

This band is a hobby for a couple of guys who train trampoline artists for the Cirque Du Soleil.


Homostupids

Fatty Gets A Stylist

Chorus to “Fatty Gets A Stylist”: “When fatty gets a stylist / the world’ll gather round / shower him with gratitude and free love / when fatty gets a stylist / you’ll never keep him down / so eat up, eat up, eat up”


‬???

Tearwave

Honorable Mention, Melodramatic Song Titles Category: “Shattered Fairytale,” “Falling From Grace,” “Comfort In Angles [sic] Wings”


Poetry ’N Lotion

The Rumour Said Fire

Batwings Catwings

Baron Von Luxxury

Carsick Cars

Bitchin Bajas

Chipocrite

The Spherical Banana

Is And Of The

Tropical Popsicle

Psandwich

Pianos Become The Teeth

Nom Nom Nom

XXXy

White Cowbell Oklahoma

Religious To Damn

“It’s not really about religion so much as a disposition. The span between the flames and the transcendence…” Gotcha. More from the bio: “Zohra Atash’s brainchild, Religious To Damn, is that rarest of jewels—sophisticated gypsy rock and roll that’s tender and aggressive, elegant and raw all in the same melodic burst.” She’s right: Sophisticated gypsy rock is rare.‬


1,2,3

The Cambodian Space Project

Mwahaha

Hank & Cupcakes

Proper names

G.G. Allin’s Dick

Youth Pictures Of Florence Henderson

Hannibal Montana

That name sounds like a solo project of a former member of Marilyn Manson.‬

Hazmat Modine

Clarence Darrow

Scrum Ra

Killinger

This hot-chicks-as-cops video for “Holding On”—with lyrics like “There’s another girl to take your place, maybe two or three” and “You made me lie”—is straight out of 1986. They should tour with Pussy Sisster!‬

Tragic Loss Of Veronica Lake

This Chicago band blends “modern rock/metalcore influences with the soul of 90’s grunge wrapped up in the power of 80’s arena rock.”‬


Com Truise

The Surreal McCoys

Schwinntonation

This band uses bicycle sounds to make its songs.‬

Kim Jong Ill

So eeeeeeviilll

Altar Of Plagues

Babie Fangs

Sad story: This “tween goth punk band”—the twin girls are only 6—formed after their mother died, so their “1st generation punk” father thought music would be a good way for them to work through their grief. ‬

Blood Of The Tyrant

Song title: “Flaw Of The Sentient Being”

Upon A Burning Body

Book Of Black Earth

When in doubt, repeat

Crazy Crazy Awesome Awesome

Behold, the worst band in the world:‬

White White Sisters

Dot Dot Dot

Trippple Nippples

Bright Light Bright Light

Possibly a Gremlins reference‪

‬Spaces/vowels are for suckers

GRVRBBRS

Bio: “Hailing from Deathlehem, producer/DJ duo GRVRBBRS have been remixing since 2008. The two met in High School and have since been drawing inspiration from marijuana, skateboarding, classical music and metal.”


iamamiwhoami

THEESatisfaction

allshewrote

Not to be confused with All She Wrote


Will never be spelled correctly

Kikiilimikilii

The Ligyrophobists

Ligyrophobia is a fear of loud noises—and a “progressive rock band” from Norway.‬


Coeus The Boxing Titan

Winner, Most Names Dropped In Band Description: “Coeus offers a more modern take on the Progressive Rock genre. How does it sound? Well… uh… imagine… just imagine… if Pink Floyd became a Faith No More cover band… pulled a drum machine out of the trash for percussion… let folks punch Roger Waters in the throat before he started singing… and had an acid-induced Robert Fripp mix it all in his basement.”


Methuselahs Valise

“a.k.a. Old Bastards With More Baggage Than The Train They Rode In On”

Food

Personal And The Pizzas

Mustard Pimp

The Pineapple Thief

Ominous

Bass Drum Of Death

Mexicans With Guns

The Hong Kong Blood Opera

V Is For Villains

Ever wonder what the Watchmen would sound/look like if they started a band? Wonder no more‪!

Bestial Mouths

Less so

Slaughtering Daisies

“Influences: Our own talent”‬

C’mon, you’re not even trying

Range Rover

Diseases

Tuberculosis

Herpes

Press release subject: “Yes, the name of the band is Herpes”

‪‬Tribute bands

Rad Bromance

All-male Lady Gaga tribute‬

AB/CD

Misc.

Überband

Song titles: “Fuck! I’m Richard Marx,” “Tonight We’re Going To Drink Alcohol At A Party We Will Attend To Get Drunk,” “Ballad Of The Intergalactic Hitman Underwear Fetishist,” “Heinz 57 & Cocaine,” “Yellow Vulva”‬


Different Opinions Of Good

Abominable No Men

The Library Is On Fire

The Shitty Limits

Song title: “When Humans Shout At Dogs”‬

Djembes And Jump Ropes

Dope Body