THE cobbled streets of Yorkshire are empty as residents cower in their homes, terrified they could be made the new owner of Leeds United.

Scouts are hunting for a fall guy to take control of the club while current owner Massimo Cellino, found guilty of being Italian, steps down until next March.

54-year-old Bill McKay said: “You can’t have a pint without fear of being press-ganged and waking up with that white rose in your buttonhole, marked for life.

“Just look at the previous incumbents: Peter Ridsdale and Ken Bates, neither of whom will ever be served in a Betty’s Tea Rooms ever again.

“Homing pigeons go ten miles out of their way to shit on their heads.”

A Leeds spokesman said: “It is true that we are having difficulty finding anyone willing to take on the debts and opprobrium of heading the most loathed club in English football. No, the world.

“We need someone who is already unpopular. Maybe Geoffrey Boycott, or one of those puppets from the Wonga adverts.”