I am a woman and let me tell you, being a woman is actually a great thing. At least for the most part.

Living in patriarchy is not a walk in the park (whatever dimwit came up with that flagrantly ableist expression literally deserves a drink thrown in their face), in fact it’s not a walk at all, it’s a struggle.

For most women, simply living is an everyday fight that sometimes makes you break down and not want to deal with the world at all. Alas, it’s not always easy to be the strong, independent woman you want to be in a world where the odds are so greatly stacked against you. Sometimes In the Patriarchal paradise that is the modern world, it’s hard finding ways to empower yourself. This leads to a lack of empowerment, which in turn, is very disempowering. In these dark moments, the act of retreating to your room with with black Niles of mascara slithering down your rosy cheeks, busting open a packet of finger-sucking good Doritos and watching Vampire Diaries season 4, seems to be the only thing you can do to even get a pinch of empowerment for the day.

For centuries male chauvinists have made a sport of robbing women of their natural empowerment rights, a phenomenon that expresses itself, perhaps most tangibly in the unrealistic expectations of womens’ bodies and how women should behave. It’s 2014 and magazines are still full of pictures telling women that, if they’re not size 0, blonde bombshells with nips that stand at attention as if before the patriarch General Custer (or General Custard as I like to call him), they’re basically worthless. Oh and yeah, beauty pageants are still a thing, where women are put on display, literally like cattle, and judged by male eyes, hungry for peppered Angus Beef. I mean wow…just wow. It doesn’t matter if a woman is 100 pounds or 350, just butt out.

On top of these all these everyday pressures, we have to deal with men. Men who catcall, men who give us unwanted compliments, men who think they own our bodies. And if you’re a straight woman like myself, you also have to deal with them in the deep marshes of the dating world. Most men I come across in my life are real mansplainers. They whine, from atop their alabaster throne of privilege, about no women liking them, not finding the right girl (guess what, there are no right or wrong girls, all girls are right, got it?) and women actually daring to have some standards. When they don’t get their way, they resort to practicing endless slut-shaming, saying stuff like “sluts are always going to be slutting around” and “girls only go for douchebags”. Boo-fucking-hoo.

Let me tell you MEN, exactly why that girl you’re trying to get with, doesn’t want ANYTHING to do with you:

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