Cry him a rio!

Mexican drug lord Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman is griping that his Manhattan jail cell is too cramped, too noisy — and that the New York City tap water that flows through the facility is too dirty for his delicate palate.

“The pipes are old, and Mr. Guzman can taste and see mold coming out of the water faucet,” his lawyers griped in a motion filed in Brooklyn federal court demanding cushier conditions.

“Clearly, this is not the best water to drink, and is likely detrimental to his health as mold exposure can cause a variety of medical issues.”

The kingpin’s lawyers said the Metropolitan Correctional Center is supposed to sell him six small bottles of water every two weeks — after he previously complained the tap water irritated his throat.

But they claimed Guzman only received 22 bottles in the past six months.

“I don’t know what he is complaining about, considering where he grew up the water in prison should taste like champagne,” quipped a law-enforcement source, adding that Guzman has been whining ever since he was locked up in New York.

Meanwhile, the light in his cell is always on — while the air conditioner is so loud “he is unable to sleep through the night” and has taken to stuffing toilet paper inside his ears, his lawyers moan.

“Guzman has also complained of daily headaches and ear pain,” the papers say. “In order to ease the pain, Mr. Guzmán has been using toilet paper as makeshift earplugs.”

The 62-year-old criminal was convicted in February on various drug-trafficking charges and is awaiting sentencing in the maximum-security wing of the MCC, where he remains in a windowless 8-by-10 cell.

He’s allowed out for five hours of indoor exercise a week — in another cell with an exercise bike, his lawyers groused.

The lawyers also claim food and other commissary items including bottled water are “routinely withheld without apparent reason or explanation” from him.

“While other inmates in the SHU unit receive water bottles and comestibles every week, or every other week, that is not the case for Mr. Guzman,” they write.

The conditions are “excessively punitive,” given that he was placed in solitary to prevent him from running the Sinaloa cartel from behind bars — and not because he’s broken any rules, the motion argues.

“Mr. Guzman has behaved in an exemplary fashion in the 27 months that he has been in custody. Mr. Guzman has never been disrespectful, disruptive, or violent, towards any MCC staff member, and has never had a single write up,” it reads.

“Yet, his detention is far more onerous than that of detainees being punished for acts of violence within the prison.”

His lawyers are asking the court to order the jail to give him at least two hours of outdoor exercise a week, allow him to buy six bottles of water weekly, get access to the same commissary as the general population — and access to real earplugs.

Brooklyn federal Judge Brian Cogan ordered the government to respond by May 22.

The Federal Bureau of Prisons declined to comment.