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A recent report carried out by the Australian Fruit Anti-Doping Authority (AFADA) has today found some troubling results in the local Blueberry market.

According to the report, Blueberries across Australia have returned positive results for a steroid typically used by bodybuilders to make bulk gains.

“It’s pretty troubling,”

“But it’s just a sign of the times. Everything has to be bigger.”

“Blueberries aren’t meant to be the size of grapes. That’s what grapes are for.”

For those who aren’t familiar with the antioxidant-rich berry, blueberries are perennial flowering plants with blue or purple coloured berries.

They are classified in the section Cyanococcus within the genus Vaccinium.

The Vaccinium family also includes cranberries, bilberries, huckleberries and Madeira blueberries – all of which AFADA are looking into for steroid abuse.

AFADA was alerted to the potential steroid use after an anonymous tip-off came in. While not yet confirmed, it’s believed the tip-off came from the blueberry industry’s biggest competitor – the strawberry industry.

It seems this tip-off may backfire though, as AFADA are now looking into strawberries too because they’re fucking huge these days too.

More to come.



