In a discovery that has shocked the footballing world, the Gold Coast Suns have found numerous footballers at their club who are not Gary Ablett.

“Obviously, with Gary out for the rest of the year, we had to go looking for other players. Turns out there are a whole heap of them just hanging around the club,” said Coach Guy McKenna.

“I mean the gym is just littered with them, all doing footballing things. You’d trip over them if you’re not careful.”

Football Director Malcolm Blight said the discovery ‘exonerated’ his theory that other players could theoretically exist at the Gold Coast Suns.

“I’d just always sensed it. After all, the AFL kept giving us all those early draft picks, the access to young players. They had to be somewhere.”

media_camera Blighty’s ‘sense’ that the club had other players was spot on. Photo Scott Fletcher

Most surprising said the club, was the discovery of a former NRL star behind the back of a couch.

“This guy used to play for Australia and in Origin and here he is at our club,” said Mr McKenna.

“We found him behind the couch with a whole stack of money.

“Turns out the AFL gave him the money and told him to drop by. Not sure why they’d do that, but they did.”

Malcolm Blight said the find was exciting and may change people’s perceptions of the Suns.

“Let’s be honest, up to this point the Suns have been known for two things.”

“Gary Ablett and one of our players breaking another player’s jaw while working as an amateur Rihanna bodyguard.

“Hopefully that blonde guy over there, that funny looking kid with the squint and the one walking past that vending machine, right…..now, can become household names.”

Guy McKenna said despite the exciting discovery, he was still crying himself to sleep at night.

Titus writes an increasingly popular satirical sports blog titusoreily.com

Follow him @TitusOReily

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Originally published as Suns discover Gary isn’t their whole team