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A Betoota Heights boy has today incurred his first taste of real-life after having a trampoline session with his older, slightly huskier neighbours.



Tim Grant [6] had reportedly been on his trampoline for a record two minutes before his bouncing caught the eye of the notorious neighbourhood shits, Lisa [10] and Danielle [11].

The terrible two had immediately ceased pestering their pet spaniel, and had rocked up to Tim’s yard with a soccer ball as an offering.



The Advocate chats to Tim and his older brother Will, who happened to be idly supervising when the traumatic event occurred.



“They played dodge the ball for a while”, says Will, “but then Tim suggested playing crack the egg.”



“That never ends well.”



Unbeknownst to Tim, who so far had never had to deal with schoolyard politics, his eagerness to be cracked set forth in motion an event that could not be stopped. What started as an innocent game filled with laughter soon devolved into poor Tim bouncing around helplessly in a fetal position.



When the boys did allow Tim to finally get vertical again, it was only so they could launch part two of their attack – double bouncing Tim into oblivion.



“He’s just being a fucking sook”, defends Will, as Tim begins to wobble his lip, “it’s a rite of passage.”



“If you think about it, getting double bounced on a trampoline and losing complete control is truly analogous to the injustices one will face in life.”



“I think it’s an important life lesson for Tim to learn.”



“But also, yeah, it was just really fucking funny to watch.”



More to come.