Jesus Christ Almighty, I think I won Secret Santa jackpot. Is that a thing? Well if it is, I won. My Secret Santa, who gave me no information on who he/she is, set me the most glorious gift one could get this holiday season. Wrapped up tight in a special cooling sensitive package I found a giant hamsteak, a package of bacon, and a package of Canadian bacon from www.smokedmeats.com. At first I was all like, "WHAT IS THIS, MORE GAY PORN??" and then I was all like, "FUUUUUCK YEA, MEAT!!!"

Within minutes of opening the box, I threw 5 pieces of bacon on the skillet and cooked it up. I only thought to take a picture of my feast with 1 piece left, but I think you'll get the idea of how incredibly amazing this bacon was. I even woke up early, which I never do, to make more bacon this morning for breakfast.

Mystery Santa, I love you. I love you to pieces. I can't wait to have my hamsteak for dinner.