Boulder is now the clit tickling capitol of the world

Sex

Along with Bikram Yoga, rock climbing during the winter, and guzzling kombucha from biodegradable, BPA-free, fair-trade beer bongs, Boulder residents can now add having 15-minute long orgasms with 20 strangers to their list of pre-dawn activities.

Orgasmic Meditation, or OM, is a not so new, nor surprising, trend in meditation focused on manual clitoral stimulation. Although we could have told you that rubbing the clitoris results in reduced stress and overall life happiness, the folks at TurnON Colorado have successfully turned finger banging into a structured meditation practice, complete with training sessions for beginners and “Master Stroker” status for those who’ve mastered the art of clitoral orgasm.

How does this work you ask? It’s simple, meet up with a TurnON group, find a partner and make a “nest” of bedding to comfortably lie in. Now take your pants off. Only your pants though, they don’t want you to get the wrong impression here. The stroker sets a timer for 15 minutes, lies you down in your nest, and gets to it. After the timer buzzes the partners have a meaningful discussion about the orgasm achieved. Then it’s pants-on time and you’re off to walk your allergy-free dog or hit up Whole Foods for some quinoa. No walk of shame, no post-coital phone call required.

The nest: where the magic happens.

This spiritual sex act got it’s start in San Francisco, big surprise, and is working on making Boulder its bitch. There are more than 400 officially trained strokers here in town, and the sessions, held every Wednesday morning, are regularly attended by about 20 or more people. So next time you’re feeling a bit anxious you can rest assured that some stranger is willing to rub it out for you in a room full of moaning women you’ve never met and will now awkwardly avoid when you see in the grocery store.

Now that the female orgasm is being taken care of, the next order of business is to start a mediation group centered around fellatio. So we can all get our heads right.