*Warning: bad football analysis and general destruction of the english language ahead. Written by a Texas fan who likes the sound of his own keystrokes. Proceed with caution.

January has come and gone. Carrying with it the last vestiges of the 2016 College Football season as that month is wont to do. The reality of another lengthy offseason is upon us meaning an anticipation fettered boredom will take hold. Which is the main reason why I started compiling these opuses three long years ago. Admittedly, sitting down to start this one took more personal prodding than the previous two. Partly because of how the season played out. Partly because this was the most disconnected I’ve ever been from a Texas football season in my whole life. More on both later. I'll just get this over with.

So… let’s wind the clocks back. The 3rd annual Texas Football Year in Review.

If the 2015 season was a schizophrenic roller coaster, then 2016 was the hour-long morning commute on the highway stuck in bumper to bumper traffic. The same depressing sight you’ve seen for 15 years all transitioning between 0 and 3 miles per hour. How we entered the season to how it finished is one of the most baffling disconnects I’ve encountered. When you lay it out certain ways it’s easier to explain I suppose. True freshman quarterback. True freshman center. A defense starting 100 sophomores. New offensive coordinator. New offense. New, new, new. But… same old results. The whole offseason was spent drooling over practice reports of Gilbert’s vaunted system. And, of course, the one half of the Spring Game where a baby-faced freshman by the name of Shane Buechele abducted the hearts of Burnt Orange Nation. Whether he wanted it or not, fans slid him towards "The Answer" under Texas Quarterback. Honestly, it did feel like everything was coming together. If Strong was going off the script he wrote at Louisville this was the year where Texas was supposed to reassert themselves to the world. Turns out Austin is a helluva lot farther from Los Angeles than Strong thought.

For me… I managed to do something that I’ve never been able to accomplish. Temper. Expectations. In years passed I’ve tried. Somewhere along the way I’d lose my grip on them and would watch as they flew off taking me along for a ride to some distant imaginary land where Texas was going to beat everyone by 100 points. Only to have them disemboweled by the inevitable Saturday failures again and again. But not this year. Before the season started, I had proposed to my now fiancé. I also got a new job that I was excited about in the beginning but morphed into one of the worst nightmares I’ve ever experienced that I won’t go into too much detail about due to legal reasons… I digress. On the precipice of the 2016 football season I was eager and happy for the future. The only thing that would make it a trifecta of good juju would be of course… a win versus Notre Dame.

Ah, the domers. They had run us out of Southbend with a 38-3 shellacking hung around our necks. In the 365 days since that September slaughter, we’d only become younger despite another talent laden recruiting haul by Strong. Again, it would be necessary to task 18 and 19 year olds still wrapping their heads around playing at the college level with competing against a veteran team ranked #10. And if the prime-time slotting of the 2015 game ended up being bad… they moved this game to Sunday night. A week out from the NFL regular season starting. Which meant every single eyeball would be watching. What could possibly go wrong?

I thought we’d be competitive. Surely not a repeat of 38-3. It’d be close at half time but the Midwestern football zealots would pull away late in the 3rd, we’d lose and be on to the rest of the schedule. Expectations in check? Check. I had accompanied my fiancé on a Labor Day outing to Big Bear where my soon to be in-laws had rented a house. As game time approached I slipped into my Earl Campbell edition burnt orange button down as is tradition. Watched some hype videos about 16 more times. I politely offered to watch the game in another room as to not distract from the vacational vibe that was pleasantly permeating the quaint little cottage by the lake. But knowing what a passionate fan I am they were more than happy to watch it with me on the big TV with the whole damn family. Kids n’ all. And I thought "That should be fine… I’m expecting a loss so I’ll just chill, have a few beers, relax, and be coolcoolcoolcool."

Well, shit.

Nighttime blanketed DKR and under the lights Texas sent the ball over to Notre Dame. The new and improved version of myself settled back into my chair and grinned because Longhorn football was finally back. But low and behold… It was a good thing I had spent Buddha-like hours tempering those expectations. Notre Dame went 78 yards in 6 plays without so much as drop of perspiration. The defense looked as young as advertised. But you didn’t see me pitching a fit or yelling. No, sir. I was cucumber like. I think I even shrugged it off with a sarcastic, "Here we go again." I was still excited to see what Shane could do with this new offense derived from what the Wacoans had been using to shred defenses for years. It turned out Gilbert was as advertised too. In the post-Wats_n (And I guess Norvell) era, that first offensive drive of the 2016 season was an 11-play revelation that ate up 75 yards in two and a half minutes. Capped off by a beautiful 19-yard touchdown strike from Shane. I found myself surprised because it had been several years since what an offensive coordinator said actually happened on the field. The litany of talent we had hiding in the locker room was unleashed. Jerrod Heard made flashes at his new position with humble athleticism alongside Burt and Armanti. Tyrone Swoopes picked up where he left off barreling over linebackers his size or hapless defensive backs half his size. And D’Onta Foreman. Obviously, I didn’t know what he was about to accomplish over the course of the season. But, my God, was it good to have him back. They came out and hit us in the chin. But unlike 2015… we hit back.

I was surprised my composure had almost lasted through the entire first half. I even found myself engaging in normative social behaviors. Such as talking to people. An exercise I did not know was possible during a Texas football game. Then the half ended… I saw the score. Texas led 21-14. That tingling sensation started to flare up at the bottom of my spine. Most call it excitement. I call it the irrational passions of sports fandom that ends in only two possible ways. Ungovernable rage. Or unbridled euphoria. Both not suited for my current setting. I shoved it back from whence it came and reverted to my pre-game expectations. Okay. We were up. Defense made some stops and played better. But the offense is scoring awfully quick. The D will be tired headed into the 4th. We look good though. Very promising. Let’s see how the 2nd half plays out.

The next two hours would be my undoing.

Buechele hit John Burt for a 72-yard touchdown 31 seconds into the 3rd quarter. With an "Oh, my God. We may just pull this shit off" I was engulfed. That was followed up by a ravenous 3-and-out stand by the defense, giving the ball back to our igneous offensive machine. We sauntered down the field and the bayou transfer kicker looped one in through the goal posts. With 9:30 to go in the 3rd, Texas was up 31-14 on the #10 team in the country. We looked unstoppable. At least that’s what I told myself. But then… the comeback happened. Notre Dame finally dispensed with the two-QB plan that had slowed them all night and let Deshon Kizer go to work. And work he did done. He breezed through the Texas defense bringing the Catholics to within 10. I wasn’t rattled yet- Oh, shit Shane just threw a pick…

Notre Dame roared back to take the lead 35-31. While we, on the other hand, youthfully stumbled through the rest of the 3rd and well into the 4th. I had seen this story before… the wheels were loosening. The heartbreak that was coming after we had been up so much was going to be hard to stomach. Unless we could glue something miraculous together with only 5 minutes left. At this point in the game, I can say with some certainty that I was an insane person. Because this was fun. Anxiety riddled football watching mixed with beers and, yes, I was cheering my ass off. Now ignorant of every single person around me. They try but don’t understand what it means to be a dedicated Texas football fan. Nor will they ever care to after witnessing me this game…

With the entire weight of Texas Football draped across their shoulder pads, Shane Buechele and the offense took the field. I dropped down into a nervous squat, bouncing up and down constantly. I was now sandwiched in that awful paradox of fandom. Unable to watch. Unable to look away. And wanting a sandwich… Despite the enormous pressure seemingly about to crush their helmets, they began to drive. I don't think I took a breath for that entire series. Until Foreman forced me to. He hit the hole and it looked like he’d be swallowed up. He danced left then fell forward. But he extended his arm and popped back up to his feet. Then he exploded forward. I remember the way the turf flew up as he dragged his toe across the goal line while Notre Dame defenders despondently dove at his legs. We had just reclaimed the lead and I let everybody in the room know it. And yet… I should really have learned my lesson. Ignoring extra points is a bad idea… Just bad. They blocked it. But of course! And of course, he’s going to take it all the way back. And of course, we're going to be tied now instead up three. Bizarre anarchy had momentarily hijacked the game. I was just praying to make it to OT…

Our first possession in overtime started off promising. But after a 20-yard pass that put us on the 5-yard line, we were staring at a 3rd and goal. Tyrone Swoopes’ 6’5 frame came in to the game and once again willed his way into the end zone. Our first defensive possession… was not promising. At all. To be honest I’m looking at the play by play. Because this is all a blur to me now. But there is one play that I do remember and won’t soon forget. Swoopes took the snap and got low. Seemed to be dancing in the back field for an eternity with the Notre Dame defensive line pawing at him from all directions. But they couldn’t touch him. Finally daylight revealed itself and he broke free. Then executed the perfect ending extending the ball in front of him as his giant frame went vertical and he dove into the end zone to the echoes of "Texas… is back!"

As hard as it is to admit now because I look back on it and cringe… I broke down. I was so overwhelmed by the moment there wasn’t much I could do to stop myself from just crying. The beer didn't help either. I don't think there were cubs fans who showed that much emotion. While it was happening, I felt like it was not only the appropriate thing to do but that I wasn’t the only one. Some hulking man baby uncontrollably weeping over a football game directly behind the couch where my fiancé’s 84-year-old grandmother was sitting. The rest of her family was there too… Really great way to immerse myself in the new clan. They wouldn't understand though. At the time, we had just beaten a #10 Notre Dame team who had dismantled us the year before. Revenge. A now minor detail to the narrative that the Longhorn faithful were now believing as gospel. Captured most poignantly by the call as Swoopes flew headfirst into the end zone. "Texas. Is back!".

"Texas. Is back!" Goddamn you, sir. Goddamn you.

I’m certain many believed that statement. I know I did. We basked in a bright afterglow and the week after seemed to validate so much in the eyes of Texas fans. It made the last two seasons under Strong, the blowouts, the shutouts, and his 11-14 record an afterthought. It afforded the supporters of the Strong faction an opportunity to lambast those who had been outspoken doubters. Calling them fools and serving up a feast of crows. They placed a number next to Texas Longhorns symbolizing a rank for the first time since 2013. All we had to do was look at the next 11 games and ponder what our ceiling could be. For a moment, the rebuild was rebuilt.

Looking back on the Notre Dame win today, it’s more indicative of what was to come. We surrendered 444 yards of total offense including 208 on the ground to a team that finished the season with a worse record than we did. While it was easy to rationalize the struggles because Notre Dame was supposed to be a great team, it was hard to say we had a good defense. Mixed with an odd feeling that we hadn’t improved. The shine wore off as I looked at the workhorse offenses we were slated to face in the weeks to come. But, hey… Gilbert installed a system that could hang 50 on any given night… maybe we didn’t need a good defense.

Heading into the second game of the season was about the time my new job had revealed the truth about what I was going to sacrifice. My Football Saturdays. And Sundays for that matter. The nature of the position required me to be on call 25 hours a day, 8 days a week. I was forced to consume Texas Football in more ways than I can count. TV, internet streams, this app, that app, radio, FaceTimes, down to having my fiancé giving me play by play over the phone. I missed first halves, second halves, touchdown drives, turnovers, big hits. Left to stare at box scores and 2 minutes of highlights instead of immersing myself in the narrative of the game first hand. Which is the reason I was the most disconnected I’ve ever been. As a result, there’s quite a gap for me in a lot of these games. Which will hopefully make this a shorter read for everyone. Anyway…

UTEP.

Texas fans were still riding the wave of domer tears into our "work-out-the-kinks" session against the Miners of El Paso. Much was made of their talented runningback. As incapable as our defense looked at times, it was a forgone conclusion that he’d get his yardage. But this game went along about as expected. I think it took a lot out of Texas to get that win the week before. Both physically and emotionally. Foreman had so much of the team on his back he had to sit this game out. Against a lesser opponent, the offense looked sloppy, young, and featured a fumble on the first drive. But Shane Buechele again put on display that necessary balance of tenacity and composure rarely seen in one so young. He and Heard woke the DKR crowd up with a 29-yard TD connection. The first half churned on and Texas proved it was unable to pull away. Then nervousness struck through the spirits of Texas fans as the UTEP runningback launched from the backfield, smoked the Texas defense for 51 yards and a touchdown. I looked up and the score was 10-7. Suddenly something didn’t feel right. I recognized it too. It’s the same way I felt during the New Mexico State game back in 2013 where it was 13-14 at the half. The very next week BYU unleashed a biblical ass whooping and was one of the cornerstones that signaled the end of the Mack Brown era. It was unsettling. I even texted my dad "we could definitely lose this game". We scored twice before the end of the half and went into the locker room up 20-7.

Shane came back out on fire and we rattled off 21 straight points. While the defense keept UTEP away from our endzone. He finished the day with an impressive stat line that included 4 scores. But I had been called away and missed much of it. I looked back at that text I sent to my dad. Why the hell did I think we could lose that game? Was it just some knee-jerk jackassery that whiney fans like me do when their team is struggling? I’m definitely known for my pessimistic philosophy when it comes to Texas sports. No… something was off. I thought back to how easily Notre Dame had scored on that opening drive. Their comeback. And now the UTEP back who had finished the game with 123 yards. Bearing in mind what a disaster we were the year before, it was paramount the defense be at the very least "better" by some definition. After two games, I began to question if that was the case.

Cal.

The blood still stains the floor where my heart exploded following that missed extra point from a year ago. We had exacted revenge on Notre Dame already. But it was the Cal loss that I wanted avenged most. With Jared Goff now lost on the sidelines for the Rams, it seemed more like a sure thing than beating Notre Dame did. I didn’t think so. Thanks, in large part, to a Texas Tech transfer. He was stepping into an offense much like the one he ran in Lubbock. Cal lost 12 of their leading receivers, you say? Doesn’t matter. They could spread out 5 kids from Cal Berkley Haas School of Business and still pile up 500 yards of offense. Just like the year before, many were penciling this one in as a dominant Texas win. I wanted it to be too… But I was anxious.

Cal’s first drive came as no surprise to me. 6 plays 84 yards in 2 minutes. That seemed familiar… Against this potent offense, the Texas defense look completely disoriented and befuddled. 6 plays featured 30 Cal receivers wide ass open. Witnessing that I withdrew all my hope from the defense and deposited it in Shane Buechele. Just like the last two games he was orchestrating a response drive. And then he got popped. Hard. Even being an early enrollee did not prepare our true freshman for getting hit like that. I starred at the TV writhing my hands together as he stayed down on the ground. They replayed the hit in slow motion and then I saw our starting quarterback being helped off the field. "We’re in trouble now…"

I respect the hell out of Tyrone Swoopes but he was not the guy I wanted to see stepping in on the road 5 minutes through the 1st quarter. I did, however, want to see Foreman and Warren go to work on this giant soap bubble of a run defense. We settled down on both sides of the ball and let our two-headed monster devour the earth beneath it with ease. For a few drives, it seemed like Strong had finally adapted to the situation. Pound it with our two big backs, have Swoopes be a game manager, and keep the ball out of Webb’s hands. We went up 24-14 and were poised to put even more distance between us following a 3-and-out by Cal. All we needed to do was- Let me rephrase that. All we needed to NOT do was have Swoopes throw a pick. Which happened 2 plays later. Turnovers can change the momentum of games, sure. But one thing that was indicative of Charlie Strong's demise was the inability to recover the composure of the team after a disaster. On the road, playing your back up QB, defense is struggling, and you just had a really bad turnover. I get it. But you can’t panic. I saw a lot of panic. Following the turnover… another shootout raged out on the west coast.

Webb rained down his barrage from above and that opened business for their running attack. Our defense was abysmal. Somewhere in there I realized that the problem was something more severe. We were lining up in pass coverage the most ass backwards ways imaginable. It seemed rather obvious that if we have 2 defensive backs guarding 3 receivers, there’s a pretty glaring statistical advantage. Yet we did it again, and again, and again. I did the thing where you stand right in front of the TV and point. "See!? See what I'm talking about?? What the hell are we doing??!" 21 losses over three years under Strong. 21 games I begged him for adjustments. 21 times they weren’t enough or even there at all. Despite this Russian roulette approach to defending the air-raid, Foreman and Warren refused to let us get down by anything greater than a touchdown margin. We were lobbing grenades back and forth all night. And somewhere in there Shane was thrust back into action. Against better judgment, methinks. He didn’t look the same after the vicious hit Cal put on him. As the clock melted away, we managed to tie it at 43 a piece inside of 5 minutes. It was painfully apparent they would score again. It was just a matter of how much time we would have left.

A hope devouring 3 play series followed. Our freshman quarterback looked helpless and wounded. 1:41 to go, 4th and long… Strong elected to punt. Now, we can parse and dissect these coaching decisions till the end of time but to what end I know not. I’m not the one in the headset so I will never be the one to make those decisions. I just get to be the one to call him a coward after the fact. Would I have like to see us go for broke? Yes. But would it have worked despite Shane probably being concussed? Probably not. Regardless, down by a touchdown we sent the ball back to Cal and they tried their best to bleed the rest of the clock. Leaving me to stew in my chair, telling that small portion inside myself that chimes in with "Hey something special could happen… never know!" to shut the fuck up. 3rd down and only a yard to go, our end that only hours ago felt improbable was metrically in sight. But instead of plowing into a mess of bodies to secure the first down, he busted off a 52-yard run straight into the endzone. I began to turn blue from the depression washing over me. Then I saw it. The ball bounced on the turf behind him as he crossed. It bottles the mind that THAT particular play keeps happening in football. But I didn’t care. We were about to get the ball back with a minute and change to work with.

They replayed it 100 times. Refs discussed it for days on end. Armchair coaches around the world declared it Texas’ ball. The dude obviously dropped the ball before it crossed the plane like some show boating jackass. The penalty alone for something that stupid should be give the ball back to the other team. I was thinking ahead to over time… just like I had the year before. Finally, the ref walked into the camera frame. I recall his face looking strained. Probably trying to remember the deep intricacies of all the bullshit he was about to let fly. In what universe does the most text book example of… THAT draw THAT decision? Well, apparently in this universe. I had put my hands on my hips but I’m sure they slid up to my armpits listening to the ref’s 8-minute sermon. No instantaneous recovery… Get out of my face with that shit. By the time he was done I was cross-eyed, defeated, and wracked by disbelief. And Webb went under center in the victory formation. Sure, it wasn’t the crippling sorrows of a missed extra point. But to be robbed of an opportunity to make it a game by rule #416, subsection 3.235 B, bullet point X was beyond exasperating. Cal ran the clock out from. I ran out of patience.

It ended up being a brief stint believing that Strong had finally put this thing together. The loss against Cal didn’t feel like a little stumble in the path. No. It had the stench of all the losses I’d seen the two years previous. We gave up over 500 yards of offense to a transfer QB led football team. What’s worse is that we out gained them. 568 total yards. 307 coming from Warren and Foreman. I had gone into the season thinking the defense couldn’t be any worse… We had a defensive guru, right? Shredded by Cal. Again. From the time the clock started, they were bad. What’s frustrating is that it’s not for lack of talent. We had plenty. It honestly looked as though we were scheming ourselves into unwinnable situations and that we had a coaching staff fundamentally incapable of making adjustments. Content to live or die with their game plan. It wasn't so much that I started to doubt because I was doing plenty of that before. More so I came to terms with the doubt that had been there all along.

I firmly believe the Cal loss was where things turned south. If Swoopes’ interception derailed the game, then the result derailed the season. Those players and coaches believed Texas was back just as much as the fans did. There was an undeniable fragility and frailty with this Strong coached team. Expectations were right back to what they should be at Texas. Especially after unseating Notre Dame. But you looked down the street and saw they had just lost to Michigan State. Suddenly that win had less potency. A pattern was developing in the way we lost games either on the road or when our opponent scores first. This team had the distinct characteristics of one unable to deal with adversity. Where was the group of young men that had withstood Notre Dame’s 21-point comeback? Maybe that #11 ranking got in their heads. Maybe it was watching the second offense in three weeks run rough shot over you and your teammates. Nonetheless, for the remainder of the season this team slowly imploded. They played tight. Afraid to make a mistake. It wasn’t entitlement. More like it was obvious that we hadn’t reached the next level like everyone had thought. But that was okay. Cal COULD have simply been a bump for this team. Just pick yourself up because we have 9 more games left to make our statement. The pressure was high and we fell flat on our faces. It was where the wheels came off.

So, who’s to blame when a team falls apart? When a team is unable to deal with adversity?

Oklahoma State.

I mean… where the hell do I start? The kicking? The defense? It’s the games like this one that made this year in review really hard to get through. Because trying to string words together to describe exactly what unfolded when "It was a clusterfuck. We lost. Let’s move on" would be sufficient. Honestly, that would suffice for the whole 2016 season… The bottom line is I have never seen a more rattled team take the field in all my years watching Texas football. Everyone not named D’Onta Foreman that is. The only things I had grown used to was shitty defense and that Foreman run where he exploded through the middle to go untouched into the endzone at least once a game. I’ll not think upon what this year might’ve been without D’Onta toting the football. In terms of wins and simple aesthetics of watching Texas play. Not to mention we would go on to lose Warren for the remainder of the season after this one…

The story line following this team into Stillwater was the demotion of Bedford. Where have we seen this before? A move made on the other side of things but only a year ago. Oddly enough resulting in a 5-win season too… But unlike Wats_n, it took Strong until well after Notre Dame to realize that he didn’t have Quandre Diggs, Mykkelle Thompson, Jordan Hicks, or Malcom Brown on his squad anymore. And that maybe Bedford was running the defense like he still did. Not the best idea when you start 9 sophomores. So, Strong knocked the dust off his coordinator hat and took over play calling. To no avail. For the third time in four games, an offense marched right down the field on the first possession and made an absolute mockery of the Texas defense. That little trend was well on its way to being the status quo. But a new trend was developing as well. Gilbert’s explosive offense that had afforded us the hope that we would be in games regardless of how poor the defense was playing began to crack. A bland predictability was exposed. It was either Foreman up the middle. A bombed prayer down the sideline. Or an out route for maybe 6 yards but probably 3. But always play action though! I’ll give Gilbert some leeway though. The amount of dropped TD passes was equivalent to those caught. Shane was good but still only a true freshman. So was his center. Considering what he had to work with, Gilbert made lemonade out of lemon seeds.

Then there’s the special teams… I’ll forgo the obvious joke at this time. Not one. Not two. But not Lebron either. 3 times we had the simplest play in football blow up in our face. Like we’d never practiced it before. But let’s not leave out the field goals. The bayou transfer was supposed to cover up that gaping hole on the roster. Yet when the ball left his foot the only place it wasn’t going was through the goal posts. Which made me wonder if he had lied on his transcript. Or if he was wearing potatoes for shoes. Either way we can mark that whole unit as a complete and utter disaster for this game. The only semblance of peace I can take from it all is that we managed to block one of their extra points. It allowed me to yell at the Oklahoma State fans, "See! It’s not that easy!". They laughed. I didn’t.

Because I watched the lead grow to 43-25. I’m honestly surprised we managed to score 31 when it was all said and done. That football team was a broken mess. Second straight week of giving up over 500 yards. Shut out in the 4th quarter. Left with that blank stare across Strong’s face as he watched from the sidelines. It may have been the shutout against Iowa State from last season. If not, then the three blocked extra points in a row finally laid low my faith in Charlie Strong as a head coach. It's not so much we had three in a row. We can sit here today and point to Oklahoma State taking advantage of poor officiating. But it’s more he had an offensive package called THE 18-WHEELER parked on the damn sideline that would’ve started from three yards out. Granted, it did eventually dawn on him that maybe he should mix it up a little bit and go for two because MAYBE this whole kicking thing isn’t working. But by then the team was so buried by incompetence that even the 18-Wheeler package was rendered utterly useless.

We lost by a margin of 18. Slightly ironic because we should’ve gone for two every single time with the 18-Wheeler package. I was left looking at the rest of our schedule wondering who left was a for sure win. Kansas? I’ll always mark Kansas down. Ahem… Maybe Iowa State but the way they’ve had our number these last two years left me seriously doubting. 4 games into the season and 1 game into Big 12 play, I had us down for all of 1 more win. Like the two years before, I sunk into my middle of the season crevice where only darkness and more losses existed.

But fuck all that… it was OU weekend.

The sooners had already fallen victim to Houston and Ohio State while we had just lost two straight. (On a side note, Notre Dame had also lost to Duke thus removing any and all doubt that they were as garbage soaked as we were). The opportunity existed for both teams to salvage their seasons with a win. Although I can't say with any assurance that we would’ve turned it around. We beat them last year and ended the season with 7 losses. But this team was just begging for something good to happen. Which was part of the problem. Always waiting for something good to happen instead of doing it yourself.

This was one of those games I was running around like crazy for work having to swap between WatchESPN, Craig Way radio broadcast, FaceTime, and text updates. From what I was able to piece together across my platform juggling, we were playing them tough. They actually didn't score on the first drive which is always a good sign. Texas managed to lure OU into shooting themselves in the dick by acquiring 3 first half takeaways. But we did ourselves no favors by either not doing anything at all offensively or simply shooting ourselves in the dick in kind. I don’t know what that stat leveled out to be in the end, but I think we had something like 300 turnovers and scored 3 points off of them. Foreman delightfully destroyed OUsux in the previous matchup and did much of the same this time around. The only difference was Semaje Perine returned the favor with 214 yards right up our asses. Yet with the aura of big rivalry games still lingering over both teams, the half closed at 13-14.

In the second half, Texas managed to take the lead twice. This OU team was better than their record indicated and we were actually keeping pace. The turning point would come down 3rd and 2 play after securing our 4th turnover of the game. Their defense had to come back on to the field. Foreman just ran for an 8-yard gain the play before down to the OU 15-yard line. Just feed it to him again, get the first- Oh, dear. We passed it. And they picked it off. We could’ve been down 1. Instead they went up 15. Despite that we clawed our way back to within 5. I would then watch as Baker Mayfield attempted to pull off one of the most potentially glorious chokelahoma fuck ups by botching a lateral when all they had to do was run out the clock. Only to see the football bounce through every single Texas player until some fat ass OU lineman squished it with his belly. All while I was on a conference call for work. Having to switch between panicked rage and professional business demeanor at the touch of a mute button.

The voices on the call began to fade out. I sunk down into my customary nervous squat. And sighed heavily. Because I was about to be subjected to the worst. Watching us try to lateral our way up the field for a touchdown. Few things are more futile than that. But far fewer things are worse than losing to OU.

At least we didn't give up 500 yards of offense. No, sir. We gave up 672. Might’ve been worse if not for the four turnovers we managed to do fuck all with. It was close! Who cares. I’m so sick of explaining losses. I want to enjoy winning. The Charlie Strong experiment was failing. For many, it had failed. I still saw a fourth year in his future. Not because there was anything remotely positive to look forward to outside of another remarkable recruiting class. For posterity’s sake, rather. The university would give Strong his fair crack at it. But with a certain Head Coach down in the Houston area that had kicked off his season with a win over the team we just lost to, things were getting interesting. Barring some nuclear fuck up (like… Oh, I don’t know… a loss to Kansas, for example) we’d be stuck with Strong for another year.

Iowa State.

I found myself heading into game days in such a way that left me struggling to enjoy college football. For lesser opponents, I hoped we’d escape with a win and avoid any serious embarrassments. Much like the one Iowa State had provided us in the form of a shutout. As far as this game went… Outside of the 3rd quarter and another 100+ yard night for D’Onta, there isn’t much to say. Yeah, we had 14 sacks and finally held a team under 500 yards. A win is a win and it stopped a 3-game death slide. But it was harder and harder to pay attention to the positives. The fan base was agitated. Things like it took us 6 full quarters to not only have a lead but to even score a touchdown against the Cyclones stood out more. Gilbert’s offense lacked imagination or ingenuity. It was apparent that the stern faced offensive coordinator was satisfied with feeding Foreman 30 times a game and hope Shane threw more TDs than picks. I suppose we did avenge the shutout loss so make it 2 out of 4 for revenge games in 2016. But hanging 27 on Iowa State was boring… and for much of that game I was simply waiting for the next blow up to occur. We were spared for a change and it was on to the next one.

Kansas State.

Damn purple wizard… What an absolute scourge he is. How we had been playing up that point was the antithesis of Snyder’s wildcats. Every year they’re disciplined, hard-nosed, well coached and they take pride in ball controlling you to death. A sloppy, inconsistent Texas team was primed for a beat down. If you get down 14-0 or 21-7, it’ll feel like a 4-touchdown deficit. We managed to get down by both of those scores. Demise by Snyder is a slow and painful one. Their quarterback looked like Tim Tebow or Taysom Hill carving us up on the ground and rushing for two touchdowns. Another day where the Longhorns forced 3 turnovers and continued their miraculous run of doing nothing at all with them. And Edwin Freeman… you have to take that son of a bitch to the house. Two instances late where we turned it over on downs. And a missed field goal to boot… The sample size of being unable to get the fuck out of our way was ever expanding. To add to the cruelty of this loss, Texas scored late to make it interesting. There wouldn’t be any botched option plays or hope of some futile comeback. Only forced to watch the purple wizard work with 28 seconds left of clock. Strong has found a lot of creative ways to lose games over the course of three seasons. This was just a bad team losing to a better one.

Having lost 4 out of the last 5 and sitting 3 games out from bowl eligibility, we rounded the curve towards the backend of the schedule. There was not much hope to spare looking ahead to those remaining teams. We had been unable to ride the wave of Foreman’s herculean efforts because at the crest of that wave was a horrible defense and head coach who was feeling his job slip away. Not to mention the players we coveted as being the most talented were disappearing on the field left and right. Malik Jefferson was benched during that game. Things were starting to make less and less sense. Up next? A certain scandal sodden program that had strung together 6 straight wins and sat at #8 in the country.

Baylor.

Even today, more revelations about Baylor come into the light. They are… unsettling and awful. But I won’t take the time to go into depth about it here. The truth is still waiting for its time. I didn’t like Baylor before. I really don’t like them now. Needless to say, I wanted this win. Despite the overwhelming distractions around their program, Baylor was playing like Baylor. It certainly wouldn’t be the broken team we had faced a year ago. They had lost Art but the bulk of his staff was still coaching. Still the same yardage machine capable of burying us early. And Texas had a habit of digging its own grave…

Games like this should be fun to watch. Looking at just the box score, it has all the appearances of a classic matchup between Baylor and Texas where we squeaked out a 1-point win at the end. But, to me, they were just frustrating. I’d wait to see which version of this Texas team would take the field and then predict with some certainty what I was in store for. Defense gave up a TD on the first possession including an effortless 50-yard run by Russell. Offense responded with an 88-yard drive with Foreman leading the way. Okay. This was probably going to be a chaotic shit show disguised as a barn burner.

Locke picked off an errant Russell pass on Baylor’s second drive and we managed a rarity unique to this Longhorn team. Score off a turnover. But this game was ugly. It was about this contest where it was apparent the 18-Wheeler package had completely lost its effectiveness. What once was an automatic first down was now simply an exercise in head scratching futility barely able to get back to the line of scrimmage. Texas and Baylor traded punts, penalties, and turnovers for much of the first half. There was a safety somewhere in there. It would conclude with Texas skittishly gripping a 23-21 lead.

Texas found itself down by 8 halfway through the 4th quarter after a Baylor field goal. A familiar hopelessness crept over me. Our defense found ways to make stops. But then our offense would take off the next 3 possessions. Hoping the team could do something as a team on a consistent basis had become exhausting. We managed to score and needed a two-point conversion to tie the game up. The play that gloriously sealed the Notre Dame win up just weeks before was shut out of the end zone with ease. Leaving us to pray that the defense could get a stop. If they managed that, we could win the game with a field goal. Two things we are proficient at not doing well. Which left me feeling all sorts of giddy…

We got the stop we needed. Shane found Armanti Foreman down the sideline for the big play we needed. Then on 3rd and 2, Swoopes got the -4 yards we didn't need. Leaving Trent Domingue with 39-yards of open air towards the uprights. If he could get it over the defense that is… I’ll admit it. I shut my eyes. The commentators alerted me to the result. He looped it in. Much to my surprise and elation. Still Baylor had :46 seconds left. There’s always nervousness closing out Baylor when they have the last possession only up 1. Malik sealed it with a sack and we stole another win.

A smoldering box score. 624 yards surrendered to Baylor at home. The Foreman clan chipped in a meager 392 yards and 3 scores by themselves. But winning for Texas meant weathering onslaught after onslaught by our opponents and popping our heads up after it was over to see if we had won or not. A win is a win. Especially against a Baylor squad ranked in the top ten. However, looking at the aftermath was simply a reminder of how close we came to losing. Let alone the fact Texas was only 4-4 with 4 games left to salvage the season. Which is where they had been the previous two seasons at this exact time. The majority of the fan base had dispensed with the, "Whelp, next year" mentality. It was "Next coach. Please". There might’ve been a semblance of something had we truly righted the ship to an 8-4 season. But with the team playing like it was and Tech on the next horizon, the Charlie Strong era was simply treading water in a tempestuous sea until the next nail drove itself into the coffin.

It wouldn’t come from Tech. A near identical game to the Baylor win. Slightly more impressive because it was on the road where Tech is always feisty. Foreman had a masterful day. But he had carried the ball 89 times over three games. Yes, he was on the brink of a record-breaking season. It was amounting to nothing. I’m playing the result here because what else is there to point to other than the result?

I've gone this far in the ramblings and lost the desire to delve into the next three games. Because after coming within one game of bowl eligibility, the Charlie Strong coached Texas Longhorns took their final nose dive. Including the infamous loss to Kansas. It had been a punch line all season. Any variation of "if he somehow loses to Kansas". Then it happened. I had close friends telling me that losing to Kansas was the best possible scenario and it bummed me out. We had sunken to a depth where we were content with that outcome because it meant we could fire a head coach. And I was just numb watching the TCU game. Completely disengaged and apathetic. Whoever we played after that Kansas debacle would’ve been a loss anyway. With that, the 2016 season ended with a whisper. Or rather with an ESPN alert on my phone that read "Texas fires Head Coach Charlie Strong".

I remembered three years or so ago when I read "Texas hires Charlie Strong as next Head Coach" plastered across my computer screen. I remembered how much I liked the name. Charlie Strong. Texas Strong. And then I realized that now I liked the idea of Charlie Strong as our head coach. Even at the end there was a part of me that wanted him to succeed for reasons greater than football. But in all honesty, the only thing I could offer up as a reason for keeping him was that he had a great name. Other than that, his tenure at Texas was indefensible. Is indefensible. As a fan who was really pulling for him to turn this program around, it’s hard to swallow. Still is.

You look back at a 16-21 record over three years and it’s easy to say Charlie Strong is a shitty coach. There are mitigating circumstances outside of his control that lead to that final mark of his tenure. I believe he inherited a rotted-out program. But there’s overwhelming evidence of mistakes, mishaps, and mishandlings that are squarely on his head. I hate to do the caveman "be better", "win games" thing. But… for the love of all that is holy… beat fucking Kansas. Instead, Strong ended up giving Texas no choice but to fire him. And I don’t think it was the wrong call by any means with Tom Herman sitting right there for the taking. Was he the right hire? At the time, yes. Without a doubt.

Head Coach of The University of Texas is a position that I believe only a few people are capable of doing and doing well. There’s only one way to do it. Win. It’s safe to say that Charlie Strong was not that man. I have no idea that Herman is the answer. The two are strikingly similar. Successful coordinators that dropped from a luscious coaching tree that went on to have successes at smaller schools. While Strong had two more years of head coaching experience, his time at Texas mirrored his first two at Louisville more than his other two. It may be as simple as Strong was a defensive mind. Herman is an offensive one. I honestly don’t know. The only thing we can do as fans is hope Herman can take a young, talented team that doesn’t have a winning neuron in their brains and rewire the hardware. Because we are an impatient hoard. The lust for winning weighs heavy on our minds and eyes. No more talk of cakes or icing, please. Just win.

Entering the offseason, I’m still wrestling with the change. It’s my want that we don’t become the next Miami or Tennessee shuffling coaches in and out every three years thus perpetuating a hope trafficking culture that "the next guy" is "the guy". I wish the best for Coach Strong at his new job and I want him to succeed. In no way do I harbor any ill will for what he tried to do at Texas. But he left me with a "what the hell just happened" mentality.

I’m sputtering out here at the end. Because 2016 as a whole was one of disappointment compared to expectations. Football was simply a part of that. I didn’t want to relive much of this last football season let alone the last year. But I woke up on January 1st with an itch. A scratchy itch that I’ve always been hesitant to scratch. Embrace change. The Texas football program has just changed. Hell, I don’t even recognize Austin in the handful of times I’m afforded to get down there over the last 5 years. My life is changing.

Change is never ending. I may not know what’s about to happen next. No, I have no idea. But I will find a way to be excited somewhere down the line. Because it’s Texas Football. A thing that I love so much despite the handful of times I’ve tried to throw all my burnt orange possessions away after a hard loss. I'll always fold my shirts back in my drawers, hang my flag up, and dry clean my Earl Campbell edition button down for next year. I hate being a fan. And I love being a fan.

Thank you, Charlie Strong. And good luck Tom Herman. Here’s to not knowing a damn thing and hoping for the best.

Hook ‘em.