Let’s face it: because Trump is president, not everyone can get all the free abortions they deserve, which is a basic human right. Hunter Biden was recently forced to undergo paternity testing in an Arkansas court by a judge appointed by Trump, which is obviously grounds for impeachment.

“I was high as a kite, I don’t even remember her.” explained Hunter Biden. “And now that everyone knows what I earn every month as a highly qualified Ukrainian gas company board member, these chicks are coming out of the woodwork like I was an NBA player. This is obviously Trump’s fault, and I demand a free abortion for this new baby mama.”

All Democratic presidential candidates quickly agreed. “This shows that everyone in America should pay for Hunter’s abortion.” explained an unnamed whistleblower.

“American consultants in the Ukraine do not get Medicare, and Medicare for all is a basic human right”, explained a Biden insider.

“Orange man bad.” echoed Kamala Harris.

“This is not the time for you to speak.” explained impeachment warlord Adam Schiff, “if you were a lawyer you would get it”, continued Schiff, banging a lightweight gavel.

Stay tuned to NPC Daily for updates. Diversity is our strength, Orange man bad.