Second in a three-part series. Read Part 1 and Part 3

In a very nice part of California and in a very nice home, a very nice family sits down to a dinner of chicken tetrazzini, salad and croissants.

Dad asks his 18-year-old son about the baseball game he just pitched. The team lost, but the family knows there are bigger things in life. The Corona del Mar High School senior feels fine about his performance.

But no matter how positive and relaxed the conversation, an unshakable gloom filled with humankind’s deepest questions hangs in the air.

The dinner is courtesy of caring neighbors who want to help. Someone is missing from the table who should be here, but will never return.

Less than two months ago on Jan. 27, 16-year-old Patrick – “Patty” to his family – took his life in center field in a nearby park.

But unlike with most suicides, Patrick Turner left several thoughtful notes detailing exactly what caused him to take his life and offered them to “whoever reads them.” Significantly, the boy’s notes shed light on what experts call a new national crisis in teens killing themselves.

“So much pressure is put on kids to do good, and a lot of kids make mistakes,” Patrick wrote. “One slipup makes a kid feel like the smallest person in the world.

“You are looked at as a loser if you don’t go to college or if you get a certain GPA or test score. There is never a moment to brake.”

Dark side of technology

For a millenia, every generation has been pressured to succeed, be it with bows and arrows or typewriters. But never before has there been so much information as there is in the internet age, and with the widespread use of smartphones, the barrage is 24/7.

Unless you’re a teenager who grew up with the device, the overload is difficult to fathom.

This is not about bullying, nor is it about pounding parents. Instead, it is about an internal pressure to excel that is fueled, at least in part, by what kids see on the internet.

When one person is admitted to a “select” school, a viral text can make it feel like everyone is doing better. Staged photos of, say, two girls laughing together communicate others are having fun and you are alone.

In truth, however, social media such as Instagram and Snapchat do little more than give rise to a destructive contest for who gets the most “likes.”

Parents may take away their children’s smartphones at night, but teens can still text with laptops, tablets and take advantage of Google phone numbers. They create and hide fake or secret Instagram accounts, known as “finstas” or “sinstas.”

It’s impossible to know exactly how social media affected Patrick. But what is known is that Patrick’s letters give voice to what millions of iGen teens feel.

“Finals have pressured me immensely, along with a lot of other people,” Patrick wrote. “So much pressure is placed on the students to do well, that I couldn’t do it anymore.”

Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist Maureen Downey writes, “The release of Patrick’s letters are spurring a national conversation on whether we expect too much of kids, especially in affluent and highly educated communities.”

Patrick himself wrote, “People don’t understand how to be selfless. It’s all about how great ‘I’ am. It’s never about the other kid – the kid who maybe does not play a sport, have a 4.0+ GPA, but displays great character.”

The high school sophomore also offered solutions.

But don’t think of Patrick as a hero or a martyr. Despite a song written decades ago by a 14-year-old, suicide is not painless.

Patrick’s mother, Kim, is left struggling to understand her son’s decision. She cautions, “Don’t glorify the letters.”

Instead, let’s learn from them.

Gladiators for grades

By all typical measures, Patrick should be happy and alive as you read this column.

He was a sophomore with good grades, A’s and Bs. With a shock of blond hair and a smile to light up hearts, he was gifted with natural athleticism that allowed him to fall in love with both baseball and football, to excel at both snowboarding and skiing.

Patrick also appeared to balance life. He enjoyed dumb videos. He liked to goof.

Simply put, Patrick was the kind of kid everyone liked.

Balloons, posters, flowers, photos, stuffed animals covered much of the baseball field after Patrick took his life. Thousands of letters, notes and cards poured in. His funeral was attended by nearly 2,000 people because they knew Patrick cared.

In a way, Patrick was his own role model. A hugger, he told friends he loved them. He donated to the Semper Fi fund, made sandwiches for the homeless.

The mother of a blind girl who ran into Patrick’s father at the grocery store told how Patrick helped her daughter navigate stairs in middle school.

Patrick’s letter to family was filled with love and thank yous. “Have fun. Live life like there is no tomorrow.” More than anything, Patrick called for compassion.

During Dad’s eulogy, J.T., as he is known, echoed his son, “Look in the mirror, look at your hearts, stop keeping score, stop racing each other, stop making it about yourself, slow down, have a conversation.”

In a letter to students, Newport Harbor High Principal Sean Boulton, too, was moved to amplify Patrick’s call for change. “This competitive culture has significantly impacted our young adults. We endlessly discuss test scores, National Merit Scholarships, reading scores, AP scholars, comparisons to other school districts and this is when we start losing our collective souls – and our children.

“We think that earning a ‘C’ grade in a class is the end of the world, and we don’t allow our students to advocate for themselves.”

In an area often dubbed the “Gold Coast” and known for wealth, Boulton concluded, “It is the sum of our experiences that should always outweigh the sum of our bank accounts.”

‘Totally chill’

With loving parents, siblings who support one another and two mellow Labradoodles, Bentley and Boomer, the Turner family seems the least likely to be hit with suicide caused by pressure.

At their vacation home in Idaho, the kids fly fish in summer and ski in winter. “Patty always liked to catch the first chair of the day as well as the last chair,” Dad recalls. “That’s just how he lived his life.”

The family celebrates New Year’s sitting together and watching bowl games. The day usually includes Mom, Dad, Patrick and his two older brothers and older sister. Now, only Patrick’s presence will be there.

Patrick sometimes cooked omelets for the family and created his own dessert concoctions. In his bedroom, he played his keyboard, usually Coldplay, “Star Wars” or U2.

Dad, a senior executive at the Irvine Company, would lay on Patrick’s bed and listen.

It says a lot when a father who is responsible for millions of dollars in commercial leasing proudly describes his son as, “Just totally chill.”

Similarly, Patrick’s football nickname at Corona del Mar High was “Patty Ice.”

Still, on Friday nights when many teens are at parties, Patrick usually stayed home.

‘Be inclusive’

Patrick’s mother is a giver, both in and out of the home. With a master’s degree in business administration from Claremont University, she’s served on the CDM Foundation, the high school’s booster club and currently volunteers as executive administrator for OC Alliance for Just Change.

She wishes her son talked about what was bothering him, that he sought help. But he didn’t and, now, he never can.

“He was in a dark place and his thinking was completely irrational,” Kim quietly allows, “with no concept of the guilt, anger and sadness that he was leaving behind.”

Still, Mom is certain that today’s culture of competition for grades and test scores played a significant role in her son’s suicide.

“This,” she declares, “is a huge wake-up call.”

Fortunately, Patrick’s voice continues to ring out. His classmates are even making T-shirts declaring, “Be the change Patty wanted.”

“If there is a kid out there who is alone,” wrote Patrick, “it never hurts to sit with them or ask them how they’re doing.

“Be nice to everyone and, most importantly, be inclusive.”

Next: Experts offer ways to stem the tide of teen suicide