If I'm hiring messaging people, I'm finding out, for instance, who did the original Geico gecko commercial, because that guy or gal who did that, actually knows how to brand something.

Laura Ingraham , in all-out despair mode:That's exactly what Romney needs! Someone who can turn him into an animated cartoon! Maybe something like that cartoon robot on the right.

And it would have a british accent, because that's so classy. And it would sell you insurance, because even as a cartoon robot, Romney still couldn't sell itself.

Of course, Romney's problem isn't a lack of hack pitchmen. He's already got plenty of those.



A colorful team of advertising gurus — including a onetime “Wheel of Fortune” contestant, a guy nicknamed for a “Super Mario” character and a burly Texan who came up with the “Beef, it’s what’s for dinner” slogan — have converged on the campaign’s drab headquarters here to dream up the ads they hope will propel Romney to the White House

One guy can guess letters really well. One guy wears a red shirt and blue overalls and has a porn 'stach, which makes him a colorful presence in the office. And the last guy has been putting the finishing touches on his "Romney, it's what's on the ballot" concept.

Sure, it's no CGI lizard, but with ads like these, Romney has all the firepower he'll ever need. To lose. Because his problem isn't a lack of brand. His problem is that his well-established brand can be summed up in one word: dick.

And we don't want a cartoon one of those running around making the political election NSFW.

But maybe Ingraham is on to something with the Geico folks. What better to represent the modern Republican Party and its reactionary views on everything from science to women than these guys:

