ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Once upon a time, a breeding pair of ageing Queenslanders could book a spot on a cruise ship and only expect to end up shitting their brains out in the comfort of their room.

Barry and Joan Taylor of Betoota Heights look back on days like that with fond memories and feel sad knowing that those days are probably gone forever.

The 68-year-old Capricorns shared photos of their last cruise with The Advocate. Aside from the picture of them engaging in a bit of easy-does-it-side-doggy that shook our reporter to his very core, the holiday seemed quite relaxing.

“Here’s a picture of Barry enjoying his first day of gastro,” said Joan.

The glossy print showed a naked man in the fetal position in their room’s ensuite. He’d given up defecating in the toilet and had moved into the shower.

“Just a pro-tip,” said Barry.

“When the gastro strikes, it’s better to just get in the shower and wash yourself off after each wave. You can also drink the shower water between moans.”

Joan laughed.

“Oh, you loved drinking the shower water! Errol, when we were at the Isle of Pines on our last cruise, Barry didn’t even leave the bathroom! He lost 6 kilos in that room somewhere!” she said.

Shaking his head and smiling, Barry buried his face in his hands.

“The six kilos went down the drain!”

They both paused and stopped laughing.

“Those were the days,” they said.

“Now, instead of catching gastro while you’re out at sea, you catch this dreaded pangolin’s wrath! Ghastly, it is.”

More to come.

