After watching Prager University’s Feminism 2.0, Lindsey Cook’s You-Do-You Feminism, and the recent HeForShe campaign, I get the impression that more men are needed to rebrand feminism to make it popular again. As a probationary recruit, I would like to suggest we change the logo to help feminists rebrand the ideology. One of the iconic logos for feminism is really unfortunate because it looks like someone is fisting the Venus symbol.

I know, I know, it’s supposed to be a power fist that visually asserts the independence of women, but how can we screech about rape apology with this image circulating?

Actually, now that I think about it, I take it back. This logo is actually perfect for feminism. It represents how an ideology relentlessly pursues women and inserts itself deep inside after coming in the back door, often after lulling women into opening up to accept the seed of feminist ideas.

Still, it’s a little too subtle. Perhaps it would benefit from a more explicit statement of feminism’s goals for the less civilized among us.

NO, NO, NO! That’s just too much. In today’s politically correct world, we need to be more respectful of feminism’s position without images like these promoting rape culture. Besides, feminists would never lie to women about their intentions, let alone make a woman live with a thumb up her ass.

Also, the current trend is to include more men in the discussion of protecting women. Perhaps this version would be more respectful of the feminist position.

No, wait, this won’t work either. It’s still suggesting that feminism is bad. We can’t have that. And who said that women need a man to protect them? Yes, I know that HeForShe did, but there’s a hypothetical woman in danger! This is no time for rational thought.

The real enemy here is the man. We need to castrate, er, circumcise—no, I mean—circumvent his influence to help women help themselves. All they need is feminism, and feminism knows how to smash the patriarchy.

Stopping the flow of harmful, self-objectifying thoughts in women from the bottom up will cause the gasses of Venus to swell inside of them. Once women accept feminism into their internal socialization, they become empowered for us to tell them to choose what careers to follow and how to view the world through a feminist lens. We can also use her to spew hot air and deny men the jobs and resources they have squandered for thousands of years.

And any man who is not afraid of our empowered women will assist them.

We know that women are oppressed because JP Morgan helped sponsor UN Women. Big banks only give money to international organizations for women because women have no representation. Nonfeminists are scum who don’t want to help men, but we do. We need men to participate in the discussion on making the world a better place for women with feminism. And if you don’t like the word “feminism,” then ignore the word and just think about your Lord Thy God Equality, which only feminism can spread through a strong embrace that warms your insides.

For those who make the modest donation of $8,008 to NOW, we will send you a bucket of “We Can Do It!” brand personal lubricant for intimate socialization.

Raise your fist, have your partner bend over, and spread the word.