1) What all us football hipsters want in life is a hug from Marcelo Bielsa and all you need to do is score a stunning volley in training, as Patrick Bamford found out. Luuk de Jong would also have earned a warm embrace from the Argentinian if he’d seen this goal at the weekend.

2) Table tennis!

3) Mick McCarthy is back as the Republic of Ireland manager, resulting in endless Careless Whisper gifs. We should, however, not forget when Brian Clough pointed out he was not an international quality centre-back 30 years ago. Alternatively, we can return to his first spell in charge of the national team when someone had the cunning plan to make this fly-on-the-wall documentary. Another manager in the news this week, José Mourinho, got the WWE treatment on social media.

4) Memphis Depay celebrated reaching 5m followers on Instagram by commissioning a rap. He now has 5.1m. The lyrics are bad enough but he has exacerbated the problems with it by filming it in Paris, home of Lyon’s rivals, wearing a jacket made from Hugh Hefner’s curtains, and smoking a whopping cigar, which just seems silly near all that velour – nicely parodied by Motherwell’s Charles Dunne here. See also: Clint ‘Deuce’ Dempsey, Asamoah ‘Baby Jet’ Gyan, Kevin-Prince Boateng, Ian Wright, a criminally under-rated effort from Andy Cole and, of course, OG John Barnes.

5) Warning! Huge boulders flying down mountains are dangerous (language warning)! And try not to slide face first down an icy volcano!

6) If you are going to win a half-time gameshow at an American sports event, it would help if you had a grasp of how numbers work. Will it be higher or lower than a 0? Not the first time a Lakers fan has blown it in front of the cameras.

7) Tyson Fury and Deontay Wilder are renewing their acquaintance this weekend. Fury will be aiming for another career knockout (and he’s had a few). Alternatively, here is Deontay Wilder letting his fists do the talking.

1) We sometimes forget that Erik Edman was the greatest footballer of his generation. And if you like absolute screamers from left-backs into the top corner, why not enjoy this effort from former Oldham defender Wilfried Moimbé, now playing for AS Nancy Lorraine in Ligue 2.

2) Alexey Molchanov goes a long way down.

3) Sam Torrance with the longest non-Wogan putt (probably) of all time in 1990.

4) Remember that day you decide to try handgliding for the first time and your instructor forgets to clip your harness on to the glider?

Spotters’ badges: Flantiff, BlackCaeser, Peter Evans,

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