Looking for the plant truth in movies, TV

Darren Strenge | Special to Kitsap Sun

Knowing something about botany and gardening can be a burden when watching television or movies. And when I say “burden,” I mean it is a burden on those watching with you. Phytophiles (science nerd-speak for “plant lover”) commonly feel compelled to point out every botanical or horticultural error in whatever show is being watched, thus destroying any sense of wonder or enjoyment of the program.



To illustrate the uber plant lover mindset, let me tell you a story from my graduate school days in botany. Laboratory or departmental parties were common. While most people would catch up with friends, make new friends, or generally enjoy themselves and forget about school or work, plant-minded folk such as us would stand around naming the Latin names of the plant ingredients in the salsa. I loved it but I do recall some eye-rolling from some bored spouses in attendance.



Plant lovers like me will inform you that scenes on the forest moon of Endor in "Return of the Jedi" were filmed in northern California, because they recognize the redwood trees and western swordfern. Most of you are polite enough to quietly nod along. Inside, though, I know you are annoyed that I am simultaneously stating the incredibly obvious, ruining the fantasy of the show, and talking during the movie. Those of you who are not so polite are justified in telling me to “shut up.”



Then there is the whole issue of an entire TV series filmed in one area despite its supposed geographic diversity. "Supernatural" is a prime example of a show that commits this botanical sin and attracts many a science nerd fan. While you are enjoying Sam and Dean hunting ghosts in New York, I feel it is my duty to inform you that western redcedar, salal, and Oregon grape in some scenes are only found on the West Coast, including in and around Vancouver, British Columbia, where the show is filmed. They most definitely do not grow natively en masse in The Empire State.



For those of you burdened with a phytophilic loved one, let me offer some advice. Probably the best thing to do when confronted with inconvenient botanical truths during a movie is to just quietly nod and grunt affirmatively. It is the best way to get us to move on and be quiet. If you engage us or even just ask a simple question about the plant faux pas, you will just encourage us to point out future movie mistakes in greater detail.



An alternative strategy is the "if-you-can’t-beat-them-join-them" tactic. My sweet wife has tried this, although I’m not sure it worked for her. We both like zombie shows and movies like "The Walking Dead" and "Z-Nation." She brought to my attention a fact that will bother both botanists and gardeners alike. Tell me...months or even years after the zombie apocalypse, just who the heck is mowing all the lawns? In every neighborhood, the grass is cut, the trees are pruned, and the leaves are all raked up. Perhaps zombies garden when there are no brains to eat? Either way, I think the "join-them" strategy didn’t work on me. Probably it just made me worse.



I said you would not learn anything from me today, but I think I was wrong. You learned my taste in television and movies and for that, I probably actually do owe you an apology. I will just finish by telling you that one line my wife can say that will immediately stop me from botanical television interruptions: “Let’s watch Downton Abbey!” It makes me suddenly remember I have an article due and head off to the computer to write.



Darren can be found stewing about ponderosa pines in Kansas on television when he should be working at the Bloedel Reserve. When not smugly watching a movie, he can be reached at pnwbotany@gmail.com.