It was the hottest ticket of the panto season: Russell Brand up against Nigel Farage on Question Time. Brand’s only other appearance on the show had been a disappointment, the anticipated confrontation with Boris Johnson turning out to be a mutual love-in, and panel chairman David Dimbleby was determined no one should go home disappointed this time round. “Is the petty, adversarial nature of politics causing its own demise?” said Dimbleby, repeating the first member of the audience’s question. “Russell Brand?”

“Good question mate it is definitely adversal there is a detachment and people are detached,” said Brand, his delivery more staccato and nervy than usual. He was clearly trying to be on his best behaviour, so Dimbleby turned to Farage in search of more excitement. “Russell Brand is right,” said the Ukip leader. “It’s all about what tie a politician is wearing and what hairdresser he goes to … Everyone in parliament is a career politician.”

Brand and Farage discuss immigration Guardian

Sensing that the show might be turning flat, Dimbleby looked to one of the panel’s supporting cast, Conservative communities minister Penny Mordaunt, and reminded her that she had said the word “cock” six times in a parliamentary speech for a bet. Mordaunt suddenly remembered she ought to have listened to her first instinct and declined to appear on the programme. From there on in, she could only play catch-up.

Mary Creagh, the shadow minister for international relations and one of the most impressive members of Labour’s frontbench team, had come with a game plan: make a point succinctly and get out fast while the going was good. It worked well for her. No one came close to landing a punch on her and Brand gave her a wide berth after she picked him up for shouting down women. “I’m working on my sexist language,” he said, unconvincingly.

Dimbleby was now looking a happy man. Brand was going off on extended riffs about not voting and greedy bankers, Nigel was going red, and the audience were arguing with one another. The public and Brand may say they want their politics to be less adversal in parliament and for Ed Militant and David Cameron to behave better at prime minister’s questions, but no one had turned this on for a reasoned debate. Which is almost what they got from Sunday Times columnist Camilla Cavendish. Dimbleby moved on as soon as decently possible.

Is Britain overcrowded? Who would have guessed there would be a question about immigration? “Nigel Farage,” said Dimbleby. Cue a long “this-saddens-me-to-say-as-much-as-it-does-you-to-hear-it” riff about how the man from the Office for Budget Responsibility who said Britain needed more immigration is an idiot and that while it might seem from a plane over Gatwick as if there was a lot of green space if you look close there were queues at hospitals and schools backed up all the way to Poland.

Brand did a quick yoga pose, bringing his hands down across his face in prayer to the almighty transcendental being that controls the cosmos, before going mildly berserk. It’s not about immigrants it’s about bankers ripping everyone off he’s a pound-shop Enoch and if George Osborne caps their bonuses the moon will be in Libra. Creagh made the same point coherently but was drowned out by the audience, who had remembered that mass participation was the essence of panto. Do we want more immigrants? “Oh, yes we do,” yelled half of them. “Oh, no we don’t,” said the rest. “Oh, yes we do.” “Oh we don’t.”

Normally a hardline interventionist whenever the audience get a bit uppity, Dimbleby was happy to sit back and let this one run. Realising that no one was now actually in charge of the show, Cavendish tried to restore some order. But even she got caught up in the excitement and for once her reason deserted her. “People just want controlled immigration,” she declared. “That doesn’t mean we would let fewer people into the country.”

No one seemed to notice that she had just implied Britain should have loads more border police that ask immigrants tricky questions for a couple of hours and then just say, “Come on in”, because all any of the panel now cared about was getting through the rest of the show unscathed. With the programme in the bag, Dimbleby eased up to allow his guests to stick to their familiar party lines on the NHS and education. Mother Goose had delivered her golden egg.

Quotes:

Russell Brand:

• “His mates in the City farted and Nigel Farage is pointing at immigrants and the disabled and holding his nose”

• “This man is not a cartoon character ... He is a pound-shop Enoch Powell”

• “Education, health, a living wage – these things are all rights, not things that we should be squabbling over”

• “I would stand for parliament but I would be afraid I would become one of them.”

Nigel Farage:

• “I’m not the wealthy one on this panel.”

• “We have seen the growth of a career political class, that have never had a job in their lives ... I’ve spent 20 years in business. Has Ed Miliband spent six weeks in business?”

• “One of the biggest mistakes we’ve made in the last 50 years is the wanton destruction of hundreds of grammar schools.”