Now that the smoke has cleared and blood pressures have returned to normal after Munch Madness, it's time to discuss something that's really important. If there's one thing that Texans in general and Aggies specifically love to argue about, it's how their city is clearly superior to all of the others. Unfortunately, all too often these opinions are subjective, clouded by personal bias, sentimentality, and in most cases a fair amount of smog.

The only rational solution to ending this debate forever is to allow an impartial person to provide a factual and unbiased reckoning of the strengths and weaknesses of each city. Well you're in luck!

For purposes of simplicity, we have narrowed the field to the 5 largest cities in Texas: Dallas, Fort Worth, Austin, San Antonio, and Houston. First, let's get some of the basic complaints out of the way.

"[My city] isn't big so it didn't make your list, but that's exactly what I like about it!"

Good. It is good that you like [your city]. You should be happy where you live and it is good that you have found that happiness. But there aren't enough people in [your city] for everyone else to get angry about it and talk about how much it sucks. That is a compliment.

"But [my city] (has / does not have) suburbs and or some other form of population division that I feel is relevant!"

This isn't about statistics and numbers, just general feel. I assure you that (having / not having) that aspect is probably a boon to [your city].

"You forgot [category] where [my city] is clearly superior!"

I also left out [category] where [your city] is just the worst.

"I think you are inaccurate in your opinion about [aspect of my city]!"

This comparison is certainly no more biased than you. That being said, the best way to convince strangers on the internet is in the comments section. Surely we can all arrive at a common agreement on a single city, probably pretty quickly. I've seen that happen a non-zero number of times in my life.

AND THE WINNER IS:

NONE OF THEM! FIVE-WAY TIE!

Your cities are all equally awesome and equally terrible. You should find the one you like and stay there and yell at others who are not there. Or don't pick any of them, and live somewhere not on this list. That is also an excellent option.

Be happy everyone, you have selected the right place to live!