Brennan Ward hasn’t competed inside the cage since August 2017.

After withdrawing from Bellator 207 in October 2018, Ward (14-6 MMA) retired from MMA. He was briefly linked to a bare-knuckle boxing match in June against Johny Hendricks later that year, but he pulled out when he got an eerie feeling about the legitimacy of the terms of his deal.

Ward never publicly detailed what led to his retirement. But in a recent interview, he opened up about his competitive career and decision to walk away from it.

“The last couple years of my career, I (expletive) hated it,” Ward said on the “Shamrock Show” podcast. “I hated fighting. And I would outwardly say that. Like, ‘This (expletive) sucks.’ I’d book a fight and walk into the gym and walk out. So many times.

“I wouldn’t train. I couldn’t stand it. I was like, ‘What part of me is hating this so much?’ It was just so much pressure that I couldn’t take it. I could not handle the pressure. I couldn’t handle the stress.”

The Connecticut-based fighter indicated he called it quits due to a combination of distaste and guilt. Fighting became unenjoyable for Ward, who admitted to largely living the rockstar lifestyle instead of training.

“I carried a lot of guilt and a lot of shame for a long time about how my career ended,” Ward said. “I wasn’t training at the end. I wasn’t doing the right things. Some people know I’ve had some issues. I’ve had some demons that I’ve battled. Every single day. I let those demons get the best of me the last couple of years I was fighting. The results showed. I’m talking not training at all for a fight. My dad was like, ‘How can you go to fight on national television and never train?’ I was like, ‘You just do it.’ I (felt) really guilty.”

At the time, Ward knew he wasn’t fighting up to his potential. There were thousands of fighters chomping at the bit to be in his position – and that seemed to bother him.

“(It was) almost like I was squandering the opportunity I had in front of me,” Ward said. “Guys would kill to be in the position I was in. I was just partying and not training. If there were waves and I had to train, I would surf. I’d be skating or just (expletive) off, or not doing the right things. So I never wanted to talk about fighting because it was just a constant reminder that there was no way I fought to the potential that I had.”

Nowadays, Ward has a full time job and a family. His life has become more structured. Ward indicated the growing stability in his life has resulted in him feeling “the itch” to fight again for the first time in years.

“I got a real career outside of it,” Ward said. “And I’m getting the (expletive) itch again. I’m getting the itch to fight. And I would want to fight at 185. I’m trying to fight other journeyman who have been around like I have. I just want to bang. … So yeah, I’m getting the (expletive) itch, and I’m looking at the 185-pound division in (expletive) Bellator.”

Ward likes his odds, especially if he no longer has to cut as much weight and can get himself on a mental regimen. He admitted there’s fatigue when it comes to believing fighters saying they’ll one day be champion. But Ward, 31, said he has as good of a chance as anyone.

“If I went full time, I think I could (expletive) get the belt at 185,” Ward said. “I really think that I could. I could if I was going to fully dedicate myself, which I can’t. Any (expletive) can say, ‘I’m going to get the (expletive) belt.’ Like, listen pal, you’re never getting the (expletive) belt. (Expletive) comment, I just made. I can get into that division and match up with anybody in there.”

Before he can compete, Ward will have to serve 120 days in prison (which began on Dec. 4), according to Connecticut state records. The sentence stems back to a July 2016 assault charge, when an “intoxicated” Ward was arrested for fighting police officers outside of a Waterford bar.