A Mormon friend and I argued recently about how divinely inspired our current prophets and apostles are. The conversation ended with a strongly worded urging to me to get on board with what "God" says, because there was no choice in the matter once "God" had spoken. If God said to do anything, it was our job as truly devoted people to do it, whatever it was, no matter how difficult or how much society in general disapproved of it.

Well, I've had this conversation before. With myself. And I've already decided that I don't believe in the God I once believed in. I don't believe in the God that some people still believe in. As my friend told me rather directly, some may argue that I have created a God in my own image. I don't believe that I have, because the God I worship isn't like me. He is much greater than I am. But I refuse to believe in your God under these circumstances:

1. If He Hates LGBT+ people.

2. If He demands that women be treated as lesser people and have no say in the authority structure of your church.

3. If He expects anyone to be happy all the time to show gratitude, no matter their mental health.

4. If He demands the poor pay as much as the rich to show devotion.

5. If He wants us to give up all happiness in this life.

6. If scriptures from His mouth have not been updated at all in the last 2,000 years.

7. If blind obedience is His number one requirement.

8. If He loves white people more than brown people, no matter the rationale.

9. If He rejects science as a method of coming to knowledge of the world around us.

10. If He requires immoral behavior as proof of my devotion.

11. If His rules are so rigid that there is no room for a rational conversation about exceptions.

12. If women must give up control over their own bodies for His codified rules of modesty, morality, etc.

13. If death or living conditions in this life do not matter to Him because of what comes in some after life.

14. If I am expected to give up self-will or reason to Him.

15. If being blind to historical facts is part of His religion.

16. If loving relationships (mine or anyone else's) are not part of heaven.

17. If life is just a test to prove myself worthy of some unnamed reward.

18. If pain and suffering don't matter in God's larger scheme of things.

19. If God only listens to certain special people (white men) He has chosen to have the power to petition Him.

20. If miracles happen purely to show God's power and not to help His people.

I am not impressed with religious people who insist that by some massive coincidence, their way of life is the only right one and that everyone else has to follow that one pattern. I'm equally unimpressed with a religion that requires sacrifice of everything for me to become "holy." While I find some value in privations (such as fasting) for a small period of time, and while I find suffering to be an unavoidable part of life, I don't think that either of them are the height of religion.

What is real religion to me? It is becoming a better person, not giving up who I am completely. The best religions ask us to take a look at our own assumptions and to stretch ourselves to understand other points of view. Religion should never be about self-satisfaction or about prejudice. And yes, religions change as we humans learn and grow. This isn't proof they are wrong. It's proof that we are often wrong in how we practice them.