CHAPTER 3

Don’t sweat the small stuff. I know this from experience and I know it will help you too because there is NO business that has survived as much foul weather as mine. You’re going to get through. Keep telling yourself that, while of course Not Keeping Track of Things, and Not Caring (Chapters 1 & 2) as previously mentioned. Even if the burden on the pillars of your business is enormous, you are getting hit from all sides by bad press, complaints from customers, and even a growing sense that your product actually works counter to its intended effects (remember the baby carriage with sharks example), keep telling yourself you’re going to get through this.

Let’s say for the sake of argument that you’ve been accused of the most heinous crime that you can think of, and that it is the type of thing that goes against everything your business stands for. Suppose every TV ad, every press packet, official release, and indeed your whole catalog of marketing materials state that this thing is one thing your business is NOT into and it would undermine the core privilege your business has to exist.

Have I got your attention? Because that is exactly the sort of bad luck this advice will get you through. I know it because I’ve been there. I know it as a CEO myself, and 24 years heading my company’s International “Bad Luck” Department. Think of it as a things go wrong and we’re the ones who are chosen to ignore it wing.



And let’s just say I didn’t get there by not ignoring things. I was a great ignorer before that, and afterwords I was promoted to HIIC, Head Ignorer in Charge. It works. I’m not saying it makes sense. It just works. And even though I have a limited grasp of logic, I think that means it will work for you too.

Now, I know what you’re saying. What about my business? Will this work in _____, or ______? Fill in those blanks with your business names — seriously because I don’t know any. Yes it will. I know because 1. this is the worst possibly scenario so yours can’t be this bad, unless you’re me and I don’t think you are. And 2. My business is not like your business with the benefit of revenue. My business doesn’t even make money.

Did I just shock you? I think I did. That’s right. Your business gets to spend money. Mine doesn’t. We don’t have any.

Sure we have upkeep fees like tailors who know how to repair gold robes but I’m sure you have the same things. Ceiling polishers. Things that keep your sovereign nation humming. Your tax return says, I’m just pulling this out of the air, 400 billion or something. I don’t know. Add or subtract some billion to suit even the smallest business [change to lower amount per editor’s suggestion that some businesses don’t make even a billion. Wow. Shoe shiners on the subway? Hobos? Have someone look into this.]

Our tax return says 0. So don’t write to me saying that ignoring things doesn’t make them go away. You’re not trying hard enough. I’ve spoken to several other CEOs Heads of State underlings who agree with me completely. And these are people I trust with my job. In fact, one of them just left, agreeing with me all the way, and he saved my ass by resigning. I am infallible it’s true, but this guy would have told me if something was wrong. (I don’t know what term you use in your business: “Intranet” maybe. I’m paging through this business book and I can’t find it. I think in politics it’s called unimpeachability and I know some countries have that.)

At any rate, your business has your thing, we have ours. Get your own idea that works just as well. I know it’s possible. I’ll throw out some ideas.

Ok, I’ll throw some out in the next edition. If you’ve already bought the book and you want to know what the ideas are, go to the bookstore and check it out. I’ll try to put them on the same page. Or grumble and make “me wanty” gestures towards your hand. The book should appear.

Hey there you go! Tell people books will appear in their hands if they ask for it, and tell them to pay you to listen to the idea over and over*. You’d be kind of stepping on our toes a little but just take that one for free. I’ve got to get this to my publisher.

*The over and over part is key, otherwise you could just print it up once and be done with it and that doesn’t make good business sense.†

†Writing books is easy OMG!

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