(See the end of the chapter for notes .)

Chapter Text

“... y-you do know how talking works, right?” Peridot said.

The Lazuli didn’t move from the corner on her side of the forcefield. She sat in the floor and glared at Peridot silently.

Peridot remained in her seat at the interrogation table, staring back at the Lazuli through the forcefield dividing the room (and the table) in half. She thumped her touch stumps on the table.

“You could at least sit in the chair,” Peridot said. “They’re adequately comfortable.”

The Lazuli seemed to consider this for a moment before standing up. She walked over to the metal chair, but did not sit in it. She glanced at the forcefield.

“This forcefield is a Gem Destabilizer, right?” said the Lazuli.

“Ah! Yes! This is an acceptable conversation starter!” Peridot said. At least technology was a subject she could talk about. “Yes. Fascinating marvel of engineering, actually. Any Gems that pass through such a field will have their physical forms destroyed, but it still allows for any other materials to pass through undamaged! Extremely useful for transport of sensitive materials though-- hey, what are you doing with that chair?”

The Lazuli wordlessly raised the metal chair over her head and flung it at Peridot.

“WHOA!” yelled Peridot as the chair passed through the forcefield. Peridot fell out of her chair just in time to avoid having it strike her on the Gem. It clanked against the wall behind Peridot, bouncing once or twice before settling against the floor.

Peridot glared at the Lazuli, who expressed no emotion at all aside from annoyance.

Peridot picked herself off the floor and sat back in the chair.

“... I’m getting the impression you’re going to be difficult about this,” Peridot said, irritated.

“Oh really?!” the Lazuli said. “Gee, what gave you that idea?!”

She put her hands on her side of the interrogation table and pulled up. She grunted.

Peridot rolled her eyes.

“The table is bolted to the floor, Lazuli,” Peridot said.

The Lazuli stopped pulling on the table. Her eyes darted towards the floor.

“Crap,” the Lazuli muttered.

Her eyes flicked back to Peridot’s before she simply sat back down in the corner.

Peridot groaned.

“Oh, don’t tell me you’re just going to not speak to me now?!” Peridot said.

The Lazuli folded her arms, scowling.

Peridot ground her teeth before she took a breath to regain herself.

Just ask the questions, Peridot told herself. She’ll have to say something sooner or later. She has to. Otherwise ...

Peridot glanced at the Gem Destabilizer on the table, then looked away, ignoring the discomfort in her stomach.

Peridot tented her touch stumps together.

“Listen, you don’t even have to divulge that much information,” Peridot said. “I just want to know about these Crystal Gem rebels. And what their intentions are. And any details on rebel activity from the past four thousand years of intelligence blackout.” Peridot smiled nervously. “See? Nothing that major!”

The Lazuli said nothing.

Peridot sighed.

“Okay ... perhaps we could start small? That’s reasonable,” Peridot said. “I know you sent a message to that planet. Who did you send it to?”

The Lazuli remained silent.

Peridot’s hand shook. This was getting nowhere. She was completely uncooperative. But there had to be something Peridot could say. There had to be a way to avoid ... unseemly procedures.

“Well ... how about this?” Peridot said. “You were on that planet for quite a while. Why were you there in the first place? Were you really a rebel?”

The Lazuli just glared back at Peridot.

Peridot clenched her touch stumps and banged her fist on the table.

“Come on! You obviously know SOMETHING! Why else would you have sent a message to that planet?! Just ...” Peridot noticed a crack in her own voice. “Just tell me something! Anything!”

The Lazuli narrowed her eyes.

“... why don’t you just hurt me and get it over with?” the Lazuli said bitterly.

Peridot cringed.

“What?” Peridot said.

The Lazuli nodded towards the Gem Destabilizer on the table.

“That’s what you came here to do, right?” she said. She looked away from Peridot, her voice filled with disgust. “Just do it. Get it over with, okay? I know how my life works by this point. It’s sucked from start to finish and frankly I’m tired of dragging things out. Whatever horrible thing you’re gonna do to me, just go ahead and do it.”

Peridot rose from her chair, fists clenched in rage. She had never met someone this insufferable.

“What is even your PROBLEM?!” Peridot shouted. “Do you just want to make this as uncomfortable for yourself as possible or something?! Are you that stupid?!”

Peridot glared as the Lazuli just stared at the floor.

Peridot ground her teeth. She flicked her left hand up, allowing her touch stumps to form her screen. She grabbed the Gem Destabilizer with her right hand.

It would only take a couple quick taps of her screen to bring the forcefield down and do what was necessary.

She clearly wasn’t worth any further effort.

Peridot held up the Gem Destabilizer.

“You want me to get it over with so bad?!” Peridot screamed. “You’re going to be so stubborn that you won’t just make this easy for both of us?!”

The Lazuli said nothing. Peridot held out one finger while still clutching the Gem Destabilizer, hovering over the command to bring down the forcefield.

But she remained still.

“What are you waiting for?” the Lazuli said, sounding more impatient than anything else.

“Nothing!” Peridot shouted.

“So just do it!”

“I will!”

Peridot still didn’t move.

Just get it over with, Peridot thought. She’s right. Why drag it out? Just ...

Just ...

Peridot felt a tightness in her chest as she flung the Gem Destabilizer aside. Her touch stumps allowed the screen to disappear and drift back to her limb enhancers. She clutched at her hair, trying to ignore the burning sensation in her vision spheres.

“WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!” Peridot shouted.

The Lazuli looked astonished.

“Huh?!”

“You-- you’re being selfish, you know?!” Peridot said. “You think I want to do any of this?! I’m just trying to complete my assignment! AN ASSIGNMENT I DON’T EVEN WANT ANYMORE!”

Peridot wasn’t even sure of the nonsense coming out of her mouth. She felt something inside herself give way, any ounce of restraint gone. She started pacing, digging her touch stumps into her scalp.

“I--I don’t even care about this anymore!” Peridot shouted. “Everything about my existence since I’d even HEARD of the Earth has been HORRIBLE! Everything enjoyable about my life just WENT AWAY the moment this assignment decided to infect it!”

The Lazuli’s expression softened. To Peridot’s surprise, she spoke in a quiet voice.

“Hey, calm down--” she said.

“I! AM! CALM!” said Peridot as she kicked her chair over, causing it to clatter to the floor next to the one the Lazuli had thrown.

“Listen, Peridot--”

“All I ever wanted to do was build Kindergartens!” Peridot interrupted, her thoughts and anxieties racing. “That’s what I was made for! THAT’S THE ONLY THING I WAS EVER GOOD AT! And now, and now I have to deal with rebels and prisoners and space travel and Jasper and I didn’t ask for any of this, I just--”

Peridot buried her face in her hands. She tried her best not to cry; she didn’t want anyone to see how blatantly defective she was by doing so.

“Are you ... okay?” the Lazuli said.

Peridot looked up and shot the Lazuli a glare.

“What do you care?” Peridot said.

Strangely, the Lazuli’s eyes were wide. Peridot couldn’t understand why; it wasn’t as if Peridot’s outburst affected her in any way so why would she even react to it?

Before Peridot could say anything, the limb enhancer on her left arm began to vibrate. She rubbed her temple as she allowed her touch stumps to form a screen.

It was a call from Jasper elsewhere on the ship. She answered. A waveform appeared on screen as Jasper’s gruff voice rang out.

“Heard you screaming from across the ship,” Jasper said. “Is there a problem?”

“No ... no, there is no cause for concern,” Peridot said. She hoped Jasper didn’t notice her voice shaking.

“No problems with the prisoner?” Jasper asked.

Peridot glanced at the Lazuli. The Lazuli sat still.

“... no,” Peridot said. “No, everything is ... proceeding properly.”

“Good. Then shut up and get back to work!” Jasper said gruffly. “You’re interrupting my training with your nonsense!”

Peridot flinched as Jasper went on.

“First you bail out that Pearl and now this, it’s like you can’t not irritate me ...”

The waveform disappeared as Jasper abruptly ended the call.

Peridot groaned as she dropped the screen and returned her fingers to normal. Great. Now the escort was even more annoyed with her.

Things just kept getting better and better.

Peridot noticed the Lazuli still staring at her. Her defiant expression was gone, now replaced with what seemed like curiosity.

“What?” Peridot asked..

The Lazuli blinked.

“Is that true what she said?” the Lazuli said softly.

“Is what true?” Peridot said.

“That you helped a Pearl?”

Peridot crossed her arms and looked away. She felt embarrassed another Gem was even asking about it because it was such an illogical, nonsensical thing to do.

“What concern is it of yours?” Peridot said.

The Lazuli rubbed her own arm, nervously.

“I dunno,” the Lazuli said. “Just kinda seems like something most Gems wouldn’t do ...”

Peridot said nothing and simply scowled. She wasn’t in the mood to be mocked for her actions, especially actions she didn’t fully understand.

The Lazuli bit her lip.

“The ... Pearl you helped didn’t happen to be blue, did she?” the Lazuli asked.

Peridot raised an eyebrow.

“Nooooo,” Peridot said. “Why?”

The Lazuli frowned.

“She wasn’t?” the Lazuli said. “For a second I thought it might be ...” She groaned and put her hand to her forehead. “Nevermind ... it was stupid to think that ...”

Peridot didn’t have the slightest idea what that was about, but didn’t care to ask.

The Lazuli noticed Peridot staring at her and met her gaze.

“What?” the Lazuli said.

“What made you so conversational all of a sudden?” Peridot said. “You had made it fairly obvious you wanted no interaction with me whatsoever.”

“I ... I dunno,” the Lazuli said. “I guess you started to remind me of ... me a bit, I guess.”

“Oh?” Peridot said. “In ... what way?”

The Lazuli shrugged.

“Both of our lives went bad as soon as we found out about the Earth,” the Lazuli said. She gave a nervous chuckle. “It’s not exactly my favorite place, either ...”

Peridot stood there, unsure of what to say.

The Lazuli took a deep breath. She stood up from the corner and strode over to the table. Her gaze was firmly on Peridot.

“I have something to ask,” the Lazuli said. “If ...” The Lazuli gritted her teeth, as if unsure what she was about to say. “Let’s say I agreed to tell you ... some things ... to make your life a little easier ...”

Peridot’s eyes widened.

“Uh huh?” Peridot said, nodding.

“But!” the Lazuli added, her expression serious. “But I--I want you to do something--”

Peridot shook her head and put her hands up.

“Oh, no no,” Peridot said. “If you’re suggesting I release you from imprisonment--”

“I don’t care about that!” the Lazuli yelled. “It’s not me I’m worried about.”

“Eh?” Peridot said, raising an eyebrow.

The Lazuli frowned and lowered her voice.

“You’re in charge of this mission, right?” she said.

Well ... sort of, Peridot thought. Even if this was indeed Peridot's assignment, she hesitated to call herself "in charge" of anything, especially since Jasper far outranked her.

But Peridot didn’t like stating her own unimportance, so she simply nodded.

The Lazuli smiled.

“So if-- if I asked you to protect someone while on your mission, you’d be able to do that, right?” the Lazuli said.

“Protect?” Peridot said. “You mean one of the Crystal Gems--”

“No, no, he’s no Gem!” the Lazuli said defensively. “He’s just a human! Completely ordinary!”

“... why the concern for a human?” Peridot asked. “In our first encounter, you stated humans were unimportant.”

The Lazuli shot Peridot a harsh look.

“This one isn’t,” the Lazuli said in a cold voice. A second later, she shook her head and resumed speaking normally. “But anyway ... could you protect a human, if I asked?”

Peridot blinked at the Lazuli.

Of course Peridot couldn’t. She didn’t have much pull on her assignment. After all, she was only supposed to check on the Cluster’s progress; this trip was only a last resort to complete that task. It wasn’t as if she could just bring under-evolved life back to Homeworld, and that was assuming she could even get it that far; she had a feeling Jasper would not be agreeable to the idea of preserving alien life.

Apparently, the Lazuli mistook Peridot’s silence for consideration, because she spoke again.

“I promise, I’ll tell you everything you want to know!” the Lazuli said. “All I want is to make sure one human is okay. You wouldn’t even have to bring him back to Homeworld, just ... I dunno, make sure he’s given a place to himself on the colony. It’s not like one human would interfere with anything anyway!”

“C-colony?” Peridot asked. What in the name of Homeworld was the Lazuli talking about?

The Lazuli looked confused.

“Yeah,” the Lazuli said. “I was on Earth during the Rebellion. I know Homeworld wanted to make it a colony. It wasn’t hard to figure out that’s why you’re heading back ... especially when you mentioned you’re good at making Kindergartens so ...”

The Lazuli continued for a bit about how she “figured out” the nature of Peridot’s mission ... but Peridot could hardly hear all her completely wrong assumptions over her own thoughts.

She doesn’t know about the Cluster, Peridot thought.

She doesn’t know there isn’t going to BE an Earth to colonize soon.

She doesn’t know there aren’t gonna be any humans left to save!

“Peridot?” the Lazuli said.

“Huh?” Peridot said.

“You didn’t answer me,” the Lazuli said. “If I tell you what you want to know ... can you save the human I’m going to tell you about?”

Peridot’s instinct was to correct the Lazuli’s mistake, to say she could not agree to such a promise because it was an objective impossibility.

But ...

Peridot thought about her orders. She needed any information the Lazuli might have ... and that directive came from Yellow Diamond herself. Her Diamond. The information the Lazuli had must be of critical importance.

Peridot didn’t even want to think about what could happen if she failed this aspect of her assignment.

And that wasn’t even getting into the rest of her mission. The Lazuli clearly knew something about the rebels. Her knowledge could save Peridot’s own life for all she knew.

So many of Peridot’s problems would evaporate if she had access to that information.

And all she had to do to get it was say yes.

“Peridot?” the Lazuli said.

Peridot took a deep breath. She did her best to keep her composure.

“I ... promise I will do everything in my power to protect this human,” Peridot said.

The Lazuli’s eyes were wide.

“You’re serious?” she said.

Peridot nodded, keeping her expression as neutral as possible.

“Yes,” Peridot said. “That is exactly right.”

What she said was exactly right. Peridot stated she would do “everything in her power.”

The exact amount of power Peridot actually had (which was almost none) wasn’t called into question.

Not a lie at all, Peridot told herself. Not technically.

Peridot cleared her throat. It was best not to dwell on her own words; the Lazuli’s were the more pressing interest.

“So um ... who exactly is this human you’re so concerned about?” Peridot asked.

For the first time since Peridot had met her, the Lazuli actually seemed relaxed. The small smile returned on her face. She seemed completely at ease.

“His name is Steven ...” the Lazuli began.

Peridot found herself losing track over how much time passed during their conversation. It was just full of such useful information.

The Lazuli didn’t just tell Peridot “some things”; she gave Peridot any information about the rebels she could ever WANT.

The exact location of the Crystal Gems’ base ...

(“It’s underneath this fusion statue. It’s pretty impossible to miss, actually. I don’t think they ever learned how to keep a low profile,” the Lazuli said.)

The contents of her message to Earth ...

(“I told Steven not to try to fight,” the Lazuli said. “It would only lead to more people getting hurt.”

Peridot found herself smiling.

“Well ... thank you for telling him not to engage in conflict. That certainly makes my assignment simpler.”

To Peridot’s surprise, the Lazuli smiled back.

“You’re welcome, I guess,” the Lazuli said.)

The size of their forces ... or rather, the lack thereof ...

(“There’s seriously only three of them?!” Peridot said.

“Pretty sure,” the Lazuli replied. “They hang around a couple other humans, but they’re the only Crystal Gems I’ve seen ...”

Peridot blinked.

“I’ve been put through this many complications and lost this much progress over my mission ... because of three rebels?!” she said.

“Well ... technically four,” the Lazuli said. “Two of them seem to stay fused all the time.”

“All the time?” Peridot said. She cringed. “In public?!”

The Lazuli nodded.

Peridot shivered.

“Clearly these Gems have no concept of decency ...” Peridot grumbled.

The Lazuli shrugged.)

And much more ...

This was it, realized Peridot. All of her problems were solved. And it was so easy! Peridot’s fears over interrogation had been completely unfounded. She hadn’t had to hurt the Lazuli at all, Peridot no longer felt uncomfortable ...

And despite Peridot having almost no experience with conversation at all ... she was shocked that she found it quite pleasant. She wasn’t just tolerating it, she was actually enjoying it. She enjoyed hearing what the Lazuli had to say. It was the first time Peridot had seen social interaction as anything other than an occasional inconvenience. Understanding this new sensation was quite difficult for Peridot; it was as if for the first time, Peridot felt like she wasn’t alone.

It felt ... nice.

... or at least, it did until the Lazuli spoke about how she became trapped on Earth in the first place.

The Lazuli had just finished explaining how she had come to Earth for an assignment, not unlike Peridot. She had been sent to make a delivery and decided to linger on Earth , only to be hurt during the Rebellion and mistaken for an enemy combatant. She was imprisoned in a mirror (... whatever that was), damaged, and picked up by a Pearl. It was thousands of years before she interacted with anyone else, the Steven she mentioned ...

Peridot could only stare at the Lazuli as she finished her story.

“Wow ...” Peridot said.

“What?” the Lazuli asked.

Peridot put her hand to her Gem.

“That situation sounds so ... unfair,” Peridot said.

The Lazuli smiled ... but it didn’t seem like there was any genuine happiness behind it.

“Story of my life,” the Lazuli said.

Peridot gulped. All of a sudden, she felt a gnawing feeling in her physical form. Peridot tried to ignore it.

The Lazuli gave a tiny chuckle.

“What’s so amusing?” Peridot asked.

The Lazuli waved her hand dismissively.

“Oh ... I just realized ...” The Lazuli brushed her blue hair aside. “You know, this is the longest I’ve talked to anyone in ... oh, five thousand years.”

The sick feeling grew more intense in the center of physical form.

“O-oh, you don’t say?” Peridot said.

“Yeah, even when I met Steven I didn’t get a chance to talk that much,” the Lazuli continued. She put her hand to her shoulder. “You know, even when I was just another Gem on Homeworld I never ... related to anyone that much ...” Her smile got brighter. “I guess, all things considered, I’m glad I had a chance to talk to you.”

Peridot’s midsection felt like it was being stabbed repeatedly. It took everything Peridot had to keep her hand from shaking.

“It’s ...” the Lazuli went on. “It’s always nice when you meet someone who can understand how you feel, if only a little bit.”

I don’t want to be here anymore, Peridot thought, her physical form feeling assaulted with each word. I don’t want to be here!

But the Lazuli kept speaking.

“I just wanted to say ... well ... thanks. For everything. For actually wanting to help,” the Lazuli said.

You know you’re not going help her, Peridot told herself. You know you can’t.

Peridot tried to shake the thought out of her head, but couldn’t. But she clenched her fist slowly and tried to remain ... professional. She didn’t need to feel this way, she shouldn’t, all that mattered was the assignment ...

“Well...” Peridot said, rising to her feet. “I ... appreciate your kind words.”

She noticed the shakiness in her own voice, but the Lazuli seemed unaware.

“Ahem,” Peridot continued, “Well, I ... have some reports I need to type up. Thank you for being so forthcoming.”

“It’s fine,” the Lazuli said. “Thank you for everything you’re doing.”

Peridot felt another stab in her physical form.

“T-think nothing of it,” Peridot said. She cleared her throat and, without another word, exited the interrogation room.

She glanced back at the Lazuli as she left. She seemed content. Happy.

She had no idea.

As soon as the door closed behind Peridot, she placed her hand against the wall of the hallway to steady herself. She breathed heavily. The air had felt heavier every moment she was in that room, hearing the Lazuli say those comments Peridot clearly didn’t deserve.

Peridot told herself not to think about it.

She’s just a prisoner, you’re just fulfilling your mission, this doesn’t matter, Peridot said. You shouldn’t care. You don’t care. You don’t have to do anything.

That was the most important thing, Peridot told herself. She wasn’t obligated to do anything. She didn’t have to help Lapis--

The Lazuli, Peridot meant. She didn’t have to help the Lazuli.

She didn’t have to lift a single touch stump ...

And yet, within moments, Peridot opened her screen and placed a call to Jasper.

A waveform appeared onscreen as the call was accepted. When Jasper answered, she sounded out of breath.

“What?!” Jasper shouted. “I’m very busy right now!”

Peridot cleared her throat.

“I ...” Peridot steadied her voice. “I thought you might like to know I’ve finished my interrogation.”

“Oh?” Jasper said.

All of a sudden the waveform peaked as there was a loud snap on Jasper’s end, followed by a strange ‘poof’ sound. Peridot flinched.

“What in Homeworld was--?” But Peridot was cut off.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jasper said. “Room, another one.”

There was another poof. Jasper, however, barely acknowledged whatever caused it.

“You were saying?” Jasper said.

“Oh! Um ...” Peridot took a breath. “I’ve ... derived much information from the Lazuli.”

“Told you that Gem Destabilizer would help.”

Peridot ignored that comment and continued.

“A-anyway, she revealed the exact coordinates of the Crystal Gems’ base. I’ll be uploading them to the ship’s navigation system, as well as including it in my report--”

“Did she say anything about Rose Quartz?” Jasper said.

“Um ... n-no,” Peridot said.

“Then why are you bothering me?” Jasper said. A moment later, she let out a loud “HRRRRG!” followed by a loud crunching sound, followed by another snap.

“What are even you doing?!” Peridot blurted out.

“Training,” Jasper said. There was another, louder snap, followed by the same poof noise as before. “Room, make another Rose Quartz.”

Peridot silently decided to never ask Jasper any personal questions ever again.

“We done then?” Jasper said.

Peridot hesitated. That should have been all that was worth mentioning. In fact, Peridot didn’t need to call Jasper at all. She knew this ...

And despite already knowing the answer, she felt compelled to ask anyway.

“A-actually,” Peridot said nervously. “I was wondering ... would ...” Peridot sighed. This was so pointless. “Would ... it be possible for us to bring back ... someone from Earth? P-perhaps a ... human ...”

There was no answer on the other end.

“D-did you hear me?” Peridot said.

“Oh no, I heard,” Jasper said with a hint of a chuckle. “I was just waiting to see if you realized how stupid that question was.”

Peridot groaned.

“I already do,” Peridot mumbled.

“Why are you even asking?” Jasper said. “Oh, no wait, don’t tell me ... the prisoner asked for that, right?”

“W-well--”

Jasper gave a bitter laugh.

“Listen,” Jasper said, “you already got the information we need, right?”

“I ... believe so, yes, but--”

“But nothing! You’re done. Your business with her is over. What she actually wants doesn’t mean anything.”

“But I told her I would--”

“Doesn’t matter what you-- hold on a second.” There was a loud smash before Jasper continued as if nothing had happened. “Yeah, it doesn’t matter what you told her. You’re doing your job. If she gets upset you lied about something to fulfill your mission and keep yourself safe, well ... sorry about her luck, that’s just how it is.” Jasper snorted. “Besides, you really think even if you brought a human back to Homeworld, the Diamonds would just let them walk around free? Please.”

Once again, despite Jasper’s complete lack of tact, Peridot couldn’t fault her logic.

“I ... suppose you’re right,” Peridot said.

“Of course I am,” Jasper said. “Trust me, once we get back to Homeworld, the prisoner will get harvested, you’ll go back to whatever boring work you usually do, and in a few cycles, you’ll forget about all of it.”

Peridot felt the color drain from her face.

“You ... you think they’ll harvest her?” Peridot said.

“Probably. Or shatter her, something. That’s usually how treason gets sorted out.”

Peridot’s knees felt weak.

“I-- I don’t--”

Jasper grunted angrily.

“Look, I already gave you more advice than you deserve!” Jasper shouted. “You can forget all about this like I told you or just wallow around in self-pity some more. Either way, don’t bother me with it!”

Jasper ended the call.

Peridot lingered in the hallway for a moment. She took a breath.

Jasper was right. She was simply doing her job. She was following orders. Honestly, Peridot had done nothing wrong. These feelings were a product of her defects, her existing anxieties, nothing more ...

I can’t save her friend, Peridot tried not to think.

Peridot would return to the bridge and watch the stars rush by, browse the apps on her screen, anything to take her mind off this. It was the obvious thing to do.

She’s going to be harvested, Peridot definitely didn’t think.

Peridot walked down the hallway, not at all thinking about the prisoner still in the interrogation room. She was an obstacle that Peridot conquered, nothing more. That was that.

There’s nothing I can do, Peridot thought to herself.

She ignored the thought as she headed towards the bridge. Peridot was feeling better already, she told herself. The intrusive thought had not even bothered her.

It hadn’t.

It hadn’t.

It was only a matter of minutes before they entered the Earth’s atmosphere. Peridot knew she should have just stayed on the bridge until landing ...

But, for reasons she didn’t understand, she found herself outside the interrogation room.

She twiddled her touch stumps together nervously. The more she tried not to think about the Lazuli, the worse she felt.

Eventually, the thought occurred to Peridot that the Lazuli and her were quite similar. Perhaps if she could just explain herself, the Lazuli would understand. After all, the Lazuli was once just a Gem just doing her job, just like Peridot.

She had to understand.

The door opened automatically as Peridot approached.

She glanced past the forcefield and saw the Lazuli sitting in the corner. She looked as content as Peridot had left her.

The Lazuli noticed Peridot. She smiled and waved.

Peridot felt a lump in her throat. She didn’t wave back.

Peridot approached the table, steadied herself on it with both of her hands. She stared at the Lazuli.

The Lazuli approached her side of the table, still smiling.

“Hi Peridot,” the Lazuli said. “Everything okay?”

Peridot hesitated.

“We’ll ... be approaching Earth shortly,” Peridot said.

The Lazuli got excited.

“Great! Do you think we’ll be able to make sure Steven’s safe soon?” the Lazuli said.

Peridot glanced down at the floor. She felt beads of sweat drip down her Gem.

“W-what’s wrong?” the Lazuli said, confused.

“I-- I cannot bring the Steven back to Homeworld,” Peridot muttered.

The Lazuli blinked for a moment, then frowned.

“Oh ...” the Lazuli said. “Well ... I--I guess that’s okay. As long as he’ll be safe during the colonization, he doesn’t really have to come--”

“There is no colonization.”

The Lazuli’s face turned a paler shade of blue. Her eyes widened.

“... what?” the Lazuli whispered.

Peridot couldn’t even make eye contact as she spoke.

“There is no colonization,” Peridot said. “The ... Earth has a geo-weapon in its core that will mature shortly. When it does, there ...” Peridot sighed. “There won’t be an Earth to be safe on.”

The Lazuli took a step back, putting her hand to her temple.

“B-but that doesn’t make any sense! You said you were going to restart the Kindergartens and--”

“No ...” Peridot cringed as she glanced back up at the Lazuli. “Technically you said that. I never did.”

The Lazuli stared at Peridot, realization dawning on her face. She glared, her eyes filled with a fury Peridot had never seen on another Gem before.

“You knew ...” the Lazuli said, her voice filled with disgust.

Peridot felt the beads of sweat on her forehead vibrate.

“Lazuli, if you’ll just let me explain, I--”

“You KNEW!”

The Lazuli slammed her fist on the table. The moment she did, the beads of sweat on Peridot’s forehead froze. Peridot staggered back, causing the tiny drops of ice to fall and shatter on the floor.

“You knew the whole time!” the Lazuli shouted. “You lied to me!”

“I--I--” Peridot found herself unable to speak at first. She hadn’t expected the Lazuli to react this poorly. There had to be something Peridot could say to make her understand. “I had a mission to complete, I--”

“That’s your excuse?!” The Lazuli clutched at her hair. “You let me think you’d help me when you knew you were lying, and it’s okay just because someone TOLD you to do it?!”

“Well ... what else was I supposed to do?!” Peridot shouted back, scrambling to her own defense.

“You could have told me the truth! You could have just SAID you couldn’t help me instead of lying!”

“I needed information! You wouldn’t have provided it otherwise! It’s not like I wanted this situation to happen!”

“Oh, screw you!” the Lazuli said. “You lied because you chose to do it! No one held a Destabilizer to your head and forced you to do anything! Don’t pretend you’re just an innocent victim here because you’re not!”

Peridot clenched her fist. Whatever feelings she had for the Lazuli were being drowned out by her own anger.

Peridot didn’t deserve this, she told herself. She wasn’t a bad Gem.

She ... she wasn’t.

“Y-you know, you should be thanking me!” Peridot said, glaring back at the Lazuli. “At least I got the information this way! I mean--”

Peridot walked over the corner and picked up the Gem Destabilizer she had flung there cycles ago. She waggled it in the air.

“Would you have rather I actually used this?!” Peridot said.

The Lazuli let out a bitter laugh.

“Yes, I absolutely would have!” the Lazuli said.

Peridot shook her head in disbelief.

“What?” Peridot said.

“Yeah, you know why?!” the Lazuli went on. To Peridot’s horror, her voice started to crack. “Because at least if you’d just tortured me, I never would have thought you actually wanted to help! I never would have thought there was a single Gem who actually cared about what happened to me! I never would have thought ...”

The Lazuli covered her face with one hand. Her next words were almost a whisper.

“I never would have thought ... you were my friend ...”

Peridot felt a sinking feeling in her chest as the Lazuli continued.

“You know, I actually thought you were different,” the Lazuli said. “I mean, I’m not stupid. I knew you were only talking to me because you were ordered to, but ... when I heard you helped a Pearl, I thought maybe you were at least decent. But I guess that was just another trick--”

“That wasn’t a--”

“Shut up!” the Lazuli snapped. “I finally get it now. You never cared about me at all. You didn’t act nice to help me, you did it to help yourself. You only cared about not getting your hands dirty. Even when you did your little freakout and I actually felt sorry for you, you were only concerned about yourself, what you’d have to do, that this was all something happening to you.”

“That’s-- I didn’t--” Peridot stammered. Her teeth were clenched in rage. “You can’t just--”

She was wrong, Peridot thought. Peridot wasn’t selfish. S-she was just doing her job. That was the right thing, clearly!

She was a good Gem.

She was.

Peridot practically growled.

“I-I don’t have to take this from a prisoner!” Peridot shouted. “What about you, huh? What about all those Rubies you reduced to their Gem before you got here?! And ... and how do I even know all that business about you being just an innocent victim is true either?! You ...”

Peridot pointed at the Lazuli.

“You brought this on yourself! You’re no better than me!” she said.

The Lazuli just shook her head, the same disgusted look on her face.

“You don’t even know how to function without blaming someone else,” the Lazuli muttered. “That’s just sad.”

“Silence!” Peridot said. “You ... you know what?! I--I don’t even know why I came here! It’s certainly not because you deserve it! I’m-- I’m just gonna go back to the bridge and forget all about you and your stupid human friend.”

Peridot pivoted around and started towards the door.

But before she could reach it, she heard the Lazuli speak, this time in a softer voice.

“He’s not human ...” the Lazuli said.

Peridot stopped, but did not turn around.

“What?” Peridot said.

“I was lying,” the Lazuli said. “Steven’s not human ... well, not a normal human, anyway. He has Gem powers.”

Peridot put her hand to her forehead. She exhaled.

“I see ...” Peridot said. “Sorry Lazuli, but just saying anything to convince me to take him to Homeworld won’t change anything.”

“I’m not lying this time!” The Lazuli raised her voice. “I--I thought keeping it secret would protect him but now ...” The Lazuli shouted. “He has healing powers! He healed my Gem! He’s useful!”

Peridot could tell the Lazuli was pleading with her, but she still wouldn’t turn around.

“Please,” the Lazuli said, “if there is even a sliver of something inside you, please--”

Peridot clenched her fist.

“I’m not the bad Gem here, Lazuli,” Peridot said. “And I’m not accepting any other lie from you.”

The Lazuli said nothing in response. Peridot finally risked a look back at her. Her expression was lost, empty ... broken.

Peridot felt an odd ... discomfort in her Gem, but told herself to ignore it. It was nothing.

It’s not like Peridot cared. There was no reason for her to. Jasper was right all along. Peridot was just fulfilling her mission. That’s all that mattered. Fulfilling her mission was the correct thing to do. Peridot didn’t care about anything else.

Really.

The two Gems stood in silence until the door opened automatically. Jasper walked in, looking agitated.

“If you two are just about done feeling each other up, we’re approaching the base,” Jasper said. She turned to Peridot pointed her thumb out the door. “You mind maybe starting the landing sequence so we don’t crash?”

Peridot shook the intrusive thoughts from her head. She straightened her back. It was time to get back to business. No more nonsense.

“Yes ... of course,” Peridot said. She glanced at the Gem Destabilizer in her hand and held it out to Jasper. “You can have this back.”

Jasper swiped it from her touch stumps, adjusting the dial at the bottom.

“Gotta admit, I’m a little impressed,” Jasper said. “I didn’t think a Gem like you actually had it in you to hurt someone ...”

Before Peridot could say anything, the Lazuli spoke up.

“She does,” the Lazuli said, her tone resigned and distant, as if all the life had been drained from her.

Peridot didn’t respond, just walked out the door.

At least this mission will be over soon, Peridot told herself. They’ll land on the planet, deal with the rebels, check on the Cluster, and then they’d leave.

Peridot would never have to come to the Earth again, never have to see the Lazuli again, never have to think about any of this ever again ...

She had a job to do. It was time for her to act like it. No more indulging in her defects. She just had to ignore her intrusive feelings just a little longer, long enough for this mission to be done, then everything would be back to normal.

It wouldn’t be long. Not long at all ...

Peridot finished her story. Her knees were folded to her chest as she looked out at the ocean.

“... as you’re already well aware, everything after that did not proceed the way I thought it would,” Peridot muttered.

Everyone stared at her. Steven and Connie sat on her left, exchanging a glance with each other. Amethyst’s eyes were set only on Peridot. She was silent.

Peridot could only imagine what they thought of her now, hearing what she did.

Steven was the first to speak.

“Uh ...” Steven chuckled nervously. “I should probably mention there’s no hard feelings about the whole ‘leaving me to die on Earth’ part. Just wanna put that out there, hehe ...”

Peridot shot Steven a glare. He stopped chuckling.

“Well ... I’m glad finding out I’m a terrible Gem is so amusing to you, Steven,” Peridot said.

“Peridot ...” Amethyst said.

Amethyst’s hand moved towards Peridot, but she shirked away from it. Peridot didn’t feel like being touched.

Connie spoke up on her other side.

“Peridot, you’re not a bad Gem,” Connie said. “You just made mistakes. You’re not like that anymore--”

“WILL YOU ALL JUST STOP SAYING THAT?!” Peridot snapped.

Connie flinched, taken aback by Peridot’s sudden shouting. Steven almost unconsciously took her hand in response.

Peridot’s eyes softened. She took a breath, then clawed at her hair.

“Great! I’m still hurting everyone around me! Amazing!” Peridot said. Her voice cracked. She could feel tears forming but she hardly cared. She couldn’t stop it anyway.

“Peridot,” Connie said. “I--It’s okay--”

“No, it’s not!” Peridot said. “Were you even listening to what happened?! I manipulated Lapis just to get what I needed and when she called me out on it, I just made her feel even more hopeless! As if she didn’t have ENOUGH reasons to never trust anyone again, I just make it exponentially worse and now she’s in a fusion at the bottom of the ocean and guess what? I brought her here so that’s all my fault too!”

“Peridot,” Steven said softly. “It’s not like that--”

“Yes, it is like that!” Peridot said. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. She pounded her fist on the sand. “And-- and you all keep saying ‘I’m not that Gem anymore’ over and over again ... but I am! I’m still the same Gem who did all that no matter how much I’d like to think otherwise! And last night when you all kept ... going on and on about how I was so good at talking and ‘helping’ people, I realized something else ...

“I haven’t learned a thing! I’m doing the exact same thing as when I lied to Lapis!”

“What?” Connie said. “Peridot, you’re not making any sense--”

“Think about it!” Peridot said, failing to steady her voice. “When I was with Lapis, I was sooo convinced I was a good Gem when all I was doing was doing was whatever I had to do to get what I wanted. And all I ended up doing was hurting another Gem. How is ... how can I even tell if all the things I’ve said that made all of you like me is genuine or not?! I could have just been saying that to, I don’t know, get you all to like me?! I don’t even ... I--I don’t know how to tell anymore ...”

Peridot wiped the tears from her eyes and clutched her knees closer to her chest.

“Face it ...” Peridot muttered. “I’m so defective I can’t even trust my own thoughts and feelings. I ... don’t know if I’m capable of caring about others or not. You’d all be better off staying away from me. At least that way I can’t harm anyone else ...”

Peridot could feel Steven and Connie’s eyes on her, but she couldn’t bear to even look at them. She wanted to just bury her head in her knees and be left alone.

But before she could do that, Amethyst stood up.

Peridot looked up. Amethyst had a serious look on her face. Aside from the incident at Vidalia’s, it was the only time Peridot had seen her carefree demeanor disappear.

“Peri ...” Amethyst said, looking in Peridot’s eyes. “I want to say that I see you’re upset ... and I understand. I understand a lot about feeling bad about yourself over bad stuff you’ve done. And I get that you feel bad and confused and have the feeling that maybe people would be better off away from you ...”

Amethyst took a deep breath. She raised her voice, but didn’t shout.

“But you are a complete idiot if you actually believe that you don’t care about other people or you actually think you’re still a bad Gem after everything that’s happened! Are you even for real?!”

“W-what?” Peridot said.

To Peridot’s surprise, Connie joined in.

“Amethyst is right,” Connie said. “I mean ... it’s understandable having a hard time moving past a really bad mistake you made, but ... that doesn’t make you a bad Gem. It doesn’t mean you don’t understand or care about people. Everyone makes mistakes, but those mistakes don’t define your life. I mean ... look at all the good things you’ve done since you got here!”

“Like what?” Peridot said.

Amethyst snorted.

“Okay well, helping save the Earth from the Cluster, let’s start there ...” Amethyst said.

Peridot rolled her eyes.

“Well ... of course I’d try to help save my own life since I’m stuck here! That’s still selfish!” Peridot said.

“But that’s not the only thing you’ve done!” Connie said. “What about when you apologized for being rude after we first met?”

Peridot’s eyes widened, but she said nothing. Connie went on.

“O-or when you went to Vidalia’s just because you wanted to make Amethyst happy?” she said. “Or when you helped me and Steven last night about all the Stevonnie stuff? You even helped my mom try to understand what was happening when you barely know her! Of course you care about other people!”

“Yeah!” Steven chimed in. “And even when you were working for Homeworld, you still helped a Pearl when Jasper was mean to her and you still told Lapis the truth when you didn’t have to! If you didn’t care about anyone else, you wouldn’t have done that! You ...” Steven lowered his voice. “You’re a good Gem, Peridot.”

Peridot thought for a moment. She didn’t feel any different, but ... she couldn’t argue that all those events were objectively true.

“I--” Peridot said. “I wish I felt like that was true. But ...” She sighed. “How can I be a good Gem if I’ve hurt others the way I have?”

Amethyst put her hand on Peridot’s shoulder. This time, Peridot did not shirk away. The warmth was comforting.

“Trust me, I’ve been there,” Amethyst said. “I’ve done some really rotten stuff in the past too ... and I don’t really like myself a lot of the time. But I do know there are people who I make happy, who really care and ... that makes me think maybe I am a decent Gem even if I don’t always feel like it.”

Amethyst smiled.

“You kinda helped teach me that, Peridot,” Amethyst said.

“What?” Peridot said.

“Yeah. I mean ...” Amethyst pulled her hand away and touched her own shoulder. “I mean, when you got really upset at Vidalia because of my stupid prank, I felt awful. But you understood. You told me you admired that I cared about others and you forgave me. And, you know ... that means a lot.

“Our lives are better with you around, Peridot.”

Peridot blinked. She didn’t know what to say.

“I ... truly make you all feel that much better just by being around you?” Peridot asked.

“Of course!” Connie shouted. “You’re our friend! We’ll always love you!”

Peridot felt her cheeks flush.

“I ...” Peridot cleared her throat. “I ... haven’t encountered anyone who ever directed that word at me before.” She opened her mouth, but her voice failed her.

Amethyst leaned her head on Peridot’s shoulder. A tingling feeling ran down her Gem.

“Well, maybe you should get used to it,” Amethyst said, a sly smile on her face.

It was odd. Peridot had been so used to feeling afraid all the time of ... something, be it failure or death or facing the truth ...

But in that moment, she didn’t feel afraid of anything, because her friends were with her ...

It felt ... warm.

“T-thank you,” Peridot said finally. “I-- I don’t think I deserve all that but--”

“No,” Connie interrupted. “You do. You deserve all of it.”

Peridot looked at Connie and could see by the look in her eyes that Connie meant it.

Peridot smiled.

“T-thanks,” Peridot managed to say.

She stared back out at the ocean, then frowned.

Before she could say anything, Steven noticed her expression and said, “We’ll find them soon. I know it.”

His surprisingly serious tone almost made Peridot believe him.

“I hope so,” Peridot said. “I simply wish there was something I could do. Anything.”

Steven and Connie exchanged a look.

“Well ... maybe there is one thing ...” Connie said.

When Steven returned with the glass bottle, the writing apparatus, and the sheets of pay-per, it took Peridot nearly an hour and six crumpled up sheets to compose the message. After several long-winded attempts that disgusted Peridot, she finally settled on a short message:

I’m sorry.

You don’t have to forgive me, but I want you to know I’m sorry.

I hope I have another chance to help you. I want to help you.

(Peridot paused and considered ending the message right there ... but when she remembered how Amethyst had mentioned how she valued Peridot’s forgiveness, she found it necessary to include a final line ...)

Both of you.

- Peridot

She wrote the same message on the back in Gem language, just in case the Lazuli had never learned the humans’ written language.

Connie, Steven, and Amethyst all read the message. No words were exchanged, just smiles and nods of approval.

Steven took the message, rolled it up, and inserted it in the bottle. He sealed it with a cork.

He handed it back to Peridot.

“You do the honors,” Steven said.

Peridot took a deep breath. She held the bottle in her hands and approached the shore line. The waves brushed against her gravity connectors.

Mustering up all the strength she could, she hurled the bottle out into the sea. The tide took the bottle with it.

Amethyst, Connie, and Steven approached behind her. Amethyst silently took Peridot’s hand.

They watch the bottle drift off into the sea.

“You know,” Peridot said after a moment’s thought, “the odds of that actually reaching them are almost non-existent.”

Steven turned with his mouth agape.

“Don’t say that!” Steven said. “Remember, a positive attitude always helps!” He waved his hand towards the sea. “I bet our little bottle will make it all the way to--”

Before Steven could finish, a wave crashed against the bottle, swallowing it. When the wave subsided, they could not longer see it.

Peridot’s mouth fell open as she stared at the waves, the bottle no longer on the surface.

Steven’s face paled. A bead of sweat dripped down his face.

“... ooooh,” he said.

Amethyst only blinked and said, “Whelp!”

Connie grimaced.

“I--it was more of a symbolic gesture, really ...” Connie said.

Peridot remained still.

Until, to her own surprise, she sputtered out a laugh.

She clutched her stomach, doubling over.

She could feel the others looking at her as if she had lost what remaining sanity she had ... but when she opened her watery eyes, she could see them starting to laugh as well.

Peridot couldn’t articulate why she started laughing. It was just after all the bad luck Peridot had since coming to Earth, it seemed so ... appropriate.

After a long bitter laugh, they returned to the house. Pearl greeted them at the door. Her eyes were only on Peridot.

“There you are!” Pearl said, worried. “I was wondering when you’d all get back! What have you all been doing? Is everything alright?”

Peridot felt Connie, Steven, and Amethyst’s eyes on her as well. She exhaled.

“I’m fine,” Peridot said. For the first time in perhaps ever, she meant it.

Pearl studied her, as if trying to determine the truth of her statement, then nodded.

“Well!” Pearl said. She smiled and clasped her hands together. “You can see what I’ve been working on all day!”

“Huh? What are you--” Then Peridot remembered. Today had been so eventful, she had forgotten Pearl had asked to fix up the bathroom.

Connie and Steven brightened up.

“Oh yeah!” Connie said. “We saw it earlier! I’m sure you’ll love it!”

Intrigued by the enthusiasm, Peridot walked past Pearl towards the bathroom. The door was already open for her.

Her eyes went as wide as saucers when she saw inside.

It was pristine. The toilet was no longer shattered. The cracked, broken mirror was replaced by the beautiful portrait Vidalia had made of Peridot. There was a brand new shower curtain. Everything was intact.

It was no longer broken.

Peridot’s cheeks hurt from smiling. Her eyes were drawn to the tile floor.

On the floor, she saw a small gouge, the one made when Peridot foolishly impaled herself on Connie’s sword.

Oddly enough, the memory of it made Peridot feel warm ... not so much the excruciating pain part of it, but everything that came from it.

It was hard to believe that day was where everything started. Even though it hadn’t been that long ago, it seemed like a lifetime ago.

Maybe they’re all right, Peridot said. Maybe I have changed since then ...

She heard footsteps behind her as the others entered the bathroom with her. Peridot heard Pearl’s voice.

“Oh dear, I’m sorry about that,” Pearl said. “I didn’t have any way to repair the tile just yet. If you want I can make sure to fix it ...”

Steven and Amethyst gazed all around at Pearl’s handiwork. Connie however walked up and laid a gentle hand on Peridot’s back.

Her eyes were on the mark on the floor as well. Just like Peridot, Connie smiled.

“I think it’s fine just the way it is,” Connie said.

Peridot nodded.

“Yes,” Peridot agreed.

Peridot turned around towards her friends. They were all so happy to be there with Peridot ... and thinking back to everything they said at the beach, Peridot felt like she finally understood why. They had always told her she was a good Gem, but now was the first time Peridot started to believe it.

Just like at the beach, she felt full of a warmth she could not fully describe, but she never wanted it to go away.

“I love it,” Peridot said.

She no longer felt angry at herself or afraid.

Even if it wasn’t permanent, in that moment, Peridot felt at home.

Somewhere in the darkest depths, a bottle with a piece of paper fell against the sea floor.

And a massive green hand raked it towards its body, hidden in the darkness ...

THE END

