In Chapter 1, we saw how a Congress spokesperson should tackle The Newshour juggernaut called Arnab. Chapter 2 teaches you the tricks of the trade when arguing on the other side, pitched against the Congress party as a BJP spokesperson.

Chapter 2 – The Newshour BJP spokesperson 101

Now, being a BJP spokesperson is marginally easier than being a Congress spokesperson. The Congress party has been very generous in that it has given you a long list of issues using which you can counter-attack it. Just pick any issue at random and hurl at it back at the grand old party of India.

Let me get straight to the point. This is the crux of the whole matter. Remember this: For EVERY THING that you’re under fire for, there will SURELY be a corresponding issue of equal or greater measure, which the Congress would be guilty of. One of THE MAIN skills that has to be acquired to be a formidable BJP spokesperson is to take pains and memorize the LONG list of issues where the Congress has been nothing less than downright miserable. Yes, the list is enormous and you’ll have to take pains to memorize it, but you’ll realize that once you do, The Newshour is a cakewalk for you! You don’t get a free lunch, you can’t have your cake and eat it too. Only Nitin Gadkari of your party has that privilege.

Anyway, A SIMPLE THUMB RULE – For anything that the Congress accuses you of, just pick their corresponding instance of them having committed the same thing and start harping on that! You’ll see specific examples in the algorithm that is coming up.

Since you are a member of the opposition party, chances are that you might be the second one to speak. But to be on the safer side, let’s consider all four scenarios here:

a. Arnab begins with you, you are on the hot seat:

Keep calm, listen patiently to all the points that Arnab yells and then coolly say this: “Arnab, these charges are utterly baseless and this is nothing but a conspiracy hatched up by the UPA government to bring down Narendra Modi because of the extraordinary popularity he enjoys. People of this country are disgusted with the Congress for the massive corruption, price rise, scams, inflation, damage to the economy…”

Arnab or the Congress spokesperson will most likely interrupt at this point. In case they don’t, you can always continue by saying, “The country needs solid, visionary leadership in the form of Narendra Modi and not leaders who are just trying to squander taxpayers money for personal gains.”

This should do, trust me – you REALLY won’t get to speak beyond this even if you want to! :D

b. Arnab begins with the Congress spokesperson who is on the hot seat and then comes to you for a counter:

In all probability, the Congress spokesperson would’ve raised the issue of 2002. What do you do?

Now, you have two ways to retort:

i) Simple! 1984. End of story. For every 2002 the Congress raises, you raise 1984: “Arnab, let us not forget that this whole talk of 2002 is being done by the Congress party which is guilty of genocide in 1984. What’s worse is the fact that those guilty are still scot-free,” etc etc. The Congress spokesperson would then sanctimoniously shake his or head and respond with “Two wrongs don’t make a right,” but you need not respond, because by them Arnab is sure to jump in and chide both of you for digressing.

ii) If not counter-attack, you can choose the defense mode – Here, you say, “The Supreme Court monitored SIT has given him a clean chit and those guilty have been prosecuted! Gujarat has not seen a single riot for 12 years!” and then attack, by bringing in 1984 and saying, “There have been many riots in Congress-ruled states. Why are you not taking that up?”

c. Arnab begins with you and it is the Congress spokesperson who is on the hot seat:

This is the best scenario for you. OWN IT! Be sure to say, “Arnab, the BJP is not surprised at all and such things are only to be expected from a party that has looted the country for ten years, indulging in scam after scam, causing massive corruption, price rise, inflation, messing up the economy. The people of India are fed up and tired of such things and want a strong, capable and visionary leadership under Narendra Modi,”

By now, if not Arnab, the Congress spokesperson will surely hit back, with the 2002 argument. Refer to point b in that case. But if you are lucky and he/she doesn’t, you can plough ahead and demand the resignation of the Prime Minister (Refer Ravi Shankar Prasad 101).

d. Arnab begins with the Congress spokesperson and it is you on the hot seat:

This is the worst case scenario, but again, nothing to fret about. The Congress spokesperson will start with how “the BJP reeks of hypocrisy, practicing corruption on one hand and on the other hand, being communal, divisive and encouraging the politics of hate. No one can forget that their prime ministerial candidate has perpetrated large scale riots in 2002 etc etc”

This is the trickiest part – remember this, you have to raise your voice and interrupt the hell out of the spokesperson. There is no other go! If you act all civil and allow your rival to speak, he will try to describe 2002 in as great detail as possible. If you’re lucky, Arnab may stop him, but if not, YOU HAVE TO SHOUT HIM DOWN! THAT’S ALL.

So charge ahead and scream, “I’M SORRY! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? YOUR PARTY HAS INDULGED IN SUCH MASSIVE CORRUPTION, SCAMS..”, civility be damned! Just go for it and attack him or her with all your might, listing the litany of Congress’ mistakes until Arnab tells you to stop. Err, no. Make sure Arnab tells, “One second, One second, One second,” at least 10 times before you stop!

Arnab will then go to Swapan Dasgupta or Sunil Alagh and you can relax a bit. But don’t get distracted though. Swapan and Sunil will be making some very pertinent points in your favour. Be sure to keep saying “Exactly!” or “Absolutely!” every now and then.

Like I said earlier, the ONLY big thing you need to do is to memorize the list of sins of commission and omission by the Congress regime. If you do that, it’s just a question of mapping appropriate responses to each accusation.

Remember, you are the opposition and it is the government under attack. So go ahead, boldly, confidently and own the other spokesperson. However, don’t get complacent. Remember, if you aren’t aggressive enough, you will be roasted on Twitter by Internet Hindus, who will show you what aggression means.

Lastly, always keep in mind, that this is The Newshour, the epicenter of drama. AT NO POINT should the debate meander into serious, insightful discussions. Of course, Arnab will never, ever let that happen, but in the rarest of rare events that he does, be sure to dramatize the discourse.

PS1 – Learn by watching any BJP spokesperson, except Chandan Mitra.

PS2 – Do NOT accuse Arnab of being a paid journalist.

(Continued in Chapter 3 – The Newshour AAP spokesperson 101)

(What happened to Arnab Goswami’s milkman when he tried to cheat him? Find out in our bestseller, UnReal Elections)