Hello everyone! It’s me again, Julia Serrano! (No, not that one. That one. That’s it.)

Leeds is so beautiful this time of year. Down at the farm, the pigs of all genders and sexes are giving birth to baby pigs, and here, we don’t violently assign them a gender at birth-we allow them to pick their own. For instance, Kayden, a beautiful two month old piglet who was born with a (trigger warning) v*g*na, demonstrated his discomfort with his assigned birth sex by wallowing in the mud closer to the blue trough rather than the pink one and, on numerous occasions, refusing to wear a lovely pale yellow sun dress I offered him that picked out his eyes, and instead, electing to defecate on it. We like to ensure a complete lack of violent misgendering at my farm for the entirety of the pig’s natural life, which ends at 6 months, when we butcher them for their meat.

However, regardless of whatever choices our piglets make about their gender identity, we ensure that they are fully educated about the full spectrum of gender identity and expression. While we respected Kayden’s decision to come out as transmasculine, we wanted to make sure that it was not coming from a place of femmephobia. Which is what I want to talk about today!

What is femmephobia?

Femmephobia is the irrational hatred of femininity in its natural form and all items related to femininity-dresses, heels, press-on nails, choosing to have sex with men in exchange for food, shelter or money-any and all behaviours on the fem(me) spectrum are targets for bigoted femmephobes . Femmephobia can manifest itself in many ways: and all of them damage fem(me)-identified people, particularly trans women, like me, Julia Serrano.

For instance, it is well known that flowered sun hats, the kind worn at weddings and sometimes Royal Ascot, send Julie Bindel into a blind rage and drive her to attack the offending item and its wearer on sight. It is a cause of considerable embarrassment for Julie, as she is unable to hide her deep and unconscious hatred of femininity. Luckily for us girls, it reveals her as the bigot she truly is! Known misogynist Sheila Jeffreys has a similar reaction to the colour pink or any colour close to being pink-cerise for instance, and occasionally lilac. Crazy! No one knows precisely why these people react in this misogynist way to feminine items and concepts-after all, no one has ever written anything about femininity and why anyone would object to it-so their bigoted reactions are , until now, shrouded in mystery. However, as a femme-identified person, I feel I can shed some light on the situation.

TERFS as failed women

Terfs believe some pretty stupid shit, such as the idea that (trigger warning) v*g*nas and ov*ries are related to femininity in any way at all. If you ever want to piss off a TERF who makes this argument, counter them with this-what about a woman who has had her entire body removed, and is just a floating ghost woman? What if that ghost woman has had her v****a and ******* and ***** removed? They will be unable to think of a counter argument for this, meaning you will have won.

TERFS are shit women. They have drab hair and flat shoes. Even if they are wearing a dress, don’t be fooled-they are engaging in a form of drag and appropriating trans women’s experience, which is really disgusting of them. Examine them closely. They aren’t fooling anyone. A TERF in a dress is still a TERF. You may perceive them as a femme. You are wrong. It’s what’s on the inside-your true identity-that counts.

TERFS are similar to kids in school who have bad hair, or have a mother that won’t let them wear a bra until they’re like 9, or have really ugly shoes, and receive corrective bullying for it. Reminded constantly that they are shit at being women-with only their withered ******* and ***** and ******* for comfort, they become bitter and hateful-and trans women are the prime targets for their hatred. TERFS are ugly-this is why they only date each other (pro-tip-“lesbian” is a code word for TERF) and they are all secretly jealous of femmes and female-identified people, especially trans women, for being better at womanhood than them. Don’t believe me? Here are some quotes direct from some TERFS! (Trigger warning-TERFS.)

“Julia Serrano is really gorgeous. Stunningly, stupefyingly so. I have no idea how she got her winged eyeliner so sharp. Those dresses! I just can’t compete. And that’s why I have just written this new book, ‘Trans women are awful and really stupid.'”

-LIERRE KEITH

“I actually think footbinding makes your feet look really cute, and there’s something just so liberating about that-that feeling of cuteness that comes from having tiny, crippled feet. Sadly, my feet are size 11, abnormally large for a woman, and as a result, I really hate trans women.”

-SHEILA JEFFREYS

“I hate and am jealous of trans women.”

-JANICE RAYMOND

Anyway everyone, I must go now. Robin, one of my older piglets, has recently been diagnosed with “gender fluids”. As a result, we are having an emergency workshop on how to foster a safe, non-triggering environment for Robin as xe comes to terms with hir new identity. Some people-mainly TERFs-have told me that spending thousands of pounds on gender-affirming surgeries and hormones for pigs that are ultimately killed for their meat shortly into their lives is a waste of money, and may even be dangerous for the person consuming their meat after slaughter. I say that these people are violent bigots, and I will be discussing this in my next article, which will be appearing in my new guest column over at everydayfeminism.com (thanks guys!).

Toodle-oo everyone!

JULIA SERRANO