Matt L. Stephens

matthewstephens@coloradoan.com

Larry Scott! My man!

How’s it going? The name is Colorado State. Nice to meet you.

You using Bosley? My goodness, your hair has never looked better. Just terrific. I’m loving what you’ve got going on up there.

Listen, I know you’re not super familiar with me, but I wanted to officially introduce myself. I’m a big fan of your work. Always have been. Remember when you ushered my brother, the University of Colorado, and favorite cousin, Utah, away from the Big 12 and Mountain West to join the Pac-12 just two years into the job as commissioner?

I loved that. I remember thinking that this is going to be huge — a total game-changer. This is a man with a plan. A true visionary.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL: Big 12 Conference nixes expansion plans

Greg Sankey? He’s a follower. Larry Scott, now there’s a true leader.

But here’s the thing — and don’t get me wrong, I love, love, what you did there by expanding the Pac-10 — it’s just that it’s kind of left me in a weird situation.

You see, Utah, that was a school that meant a lot to me. Well, not so much me as my conference, the Mountain West. He was kind of our family’s championed son (they were the original BCS buster, you know?) and once he left, BYU went on this weird walkabout that it’s never returned from, and now no one will take our league seriously, which means no one takes me seriously. And they should. I have a lot to offer.

I mean, look at me. I’m a good-looking guy, I don’t get in trouble, I care about the environment, produce brilliant offspring, I’m open minded — what’s not to love?

I know we adopted Boise State, but without Utah, BYU and TCU (OK, that last one isn’t your fault), life has been really hard.

So I'm going to ask you a weird question: Will you adopt me? At least consider it.

I realize I still have a family, but did you hear what Craig Thompson told the Albuquerque Journal? It almost sounded like he didn't think I'm good enough.

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I promise you I am, but someone has to give me my shot. I need something more out of my life. I’m 146 years old, and it’s becoming more difficult to watch my younger brother always steal the spotlight. Just this past weekend, ESPN confused me for him. How do you mix up an American plains bison and a Rambouillet sheep?

You probably heard that I’ve been fooling around with Bob Bowlsby and the Big 12. I’ll admit that it’s true. They led me on for months, told me they loved me, and then what happened?

I’m doing the walk of shame back from Dallas and while they're jockeying for a big pay day from ESPN and Fox, who have their controlling interests.

I’ve never felt so used in my life, but at least I’m walking away with my dignity.

I’m not proud of my transgressions, but I can’t change what I’ve done. All I can do is move forward, and that’s why I’m coming to you.

You and I both know that if I stay put for much longer, my athletic programs will become as irrelevant as my estranged sibling’s out in Greeley. We also know that you’re going to need to make a move soon. There are five power conferences and three of them have 14 members apiece. You and the Big 12 are the little guys, and do you really want to be thought of as less-than? Last I heard, you’re the conference of champions. You don’t settle. You set yourself up for unrivaled success. You think steps ahead of everyone else, and that’s why you need me.

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See that construction going on over there? That’s my new football stadium. $220 million. It’s going have a bar in the end zone with New Belgium beer. Like Fat Tire? Yeah, that’s brewed in Fort Collins. And that OtterBox protecting your phone? It was designed here.

Heard you’re a pretty decent tennis player. I opened a $2 million, 12-court facility six years ago just because I could.

Ever heard of Temple Grandin? She’s one of my professors.

I could go on, but I’m uncomfortable bragging. You’re a smart man, you know what we can bring you. And it’s more than Boise State; his offerings end at football.

BYU? I personally enjoy your weekly Sunday night basketball showcase. Why get rid of it?

Tell me one school in your footprint that’s more appealing than me? We’d look great together.

STADIUM NEWS: CSU building practice fields near new stadium

Do me a favor, would you?

President Bruce Benson at CU? Get him on the phone. Ann Weaver Hart at Arizona? Her, too. While you’re at it, get all of your presidents on the phone and mention expansion to them while floating my name. I know they’ll be concerned about your increasing revenue gap from the Southeastern Conference and Big Ten, so I’ll make you a deal: I won’t take any of your TV money until you restructure your broadcast contract in 2022.

Have you seen what the Mountain West is paying me? I think I can afford a few years without it. We’ll consider it an investment.

You might not want to admit it now, but you know Pac-12 expansion is coming. It’s inevitable. The Big 12 will take another swing in a year or two and you’ll have to decide who you want to be. Are you the visionary who plans ahead or the guy who scrambles to maintain the status quo?

Call me.

For insight and analysis on athletics around Northern Colorado and the Mountain West, follow sports editor Matt L. Stephens at twitter.com/mattstephens and facebook.com/stephensreporting.