If you were asked to picture a domestic abuser, what would they look like?

Society still follows an outdated narrative of domestic abuse, with some assuming that all abuse is violent – and others that all victims are women.

In fact, one in six men will be a victim of domestic abuse in their lifetime, but just half would ever report it.

Society still follows an outdated narrative of domestic abuse, with some using terms like ‘wife beater’ and ‘battered wife’ (Picture: Getty)

So Metro.co.uk spoke with the team at Mankind, a male abuse charity, who outlined the five steps a victim should take to get help.


1. Recognise what is happening to you is wrong

It is important to recognise that you are not to blame, you are not weak and you are not alone.



Understand that this abuse is happening to you – it is wrong and is not normal.

If you are a victim of domestic abuse, then the person who is carrying this out does not love you and it is unlikely they will change their behaviour towards you.

You have to put your needs and the needs of any of your children first.

2. Keep a diary and tell those close to you

Keep a diary of incidents, noting down times, dates and witnesses. Take photographs if you can.

It may be safer to keep the diary outside of the home, with a friend, family member or at work.

Tell a trusted family members, friend or work colleague and build an escape plan. It is OK to take a trusted person with you to the police.

Think about telling your employer about the problems you face. Employers are far more aware of the problem of domestic abuse than before.

The facts One in six men will be a victim of domestic abuse in their lifetime Men make up one in three of all victims of domestic abuse or partner abuse 700,000 men said they were a victim of domestic abuse in 2017/18 450,000 men were victims of partner abuse Only half of men who are victims of partner abuse tell anyone (50.8%) whilst four fifths (81.3% of women) do

3. Keep crucial documents to hand

There may be a time when you need to leave immediately or it has formed part of your escape plan.

Ensure you have keys with you or have them stored elsewhere. Keep your mobile phone with you at all times and ensure it is always charged.

Also keep important documents, such birth certificate, marriage certificate, passport, driving licence, insurance documents etc, in a safe place such as with friends or family.

4. Report to the police and a health professional

Report each incident to the police (please ensure you get an Incident Log Reference Number – insist on it), your GP/Hospital and call national/local helplines.

There should be a local domestic abuse service that will help you, call us if you want if you need help finding one.

The police and GPs are far better at supporting and recognising male victims than ever before.

Please confide and report to your GP if you are a victim. Do not make excuses for any injuries. Contact the police include 999 if you are in immediate danger.

Do not be put off from going to the police thinking they will not believe you and that you are weak in doing so. They will believe you.

Ask to speak to a specialist trained domestic abuse officer and take a friend is possible.

Keep a diary of incidents, noting down times, dates and witnesses. Take photographs if you can (Picture: Getty)

5. Do not retaliate, if possible

Always try not to retaliate either physically or verbally, leave if you can or try to remove yourself to another place.



Notice the signs that may trigger an incident, and if so, leave. If you retaliate, the police might well end up arresting you, rather than a wife, girlfriend or partner, even if she or he is the aggressor.

Remember – you are not to blame, you are not weak and not to blame. You can leave.

Who can I call? You can call the ManKind helpline for support on 01823 334244 between 10am and 4pm on weekdays. You can also call the Men’s Advice Line for confidential help, information, advice and support on 0808 801 0327. Please call 999 if you are in immediate danger. Help is out there.