The Federal Government has ordered sweeping changes to the Safe Schools anti-bullying program, saying the initiative risked making schools a little too safe. The program will now be called ‘Safe-ish schools’.

In a statement to media, Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull said, “We didn’t want to drop the program altogether – that could have lost us votes. But we didn’t want it to work properly either”.

He stressed that people’s mental health was very important to the government. “What’s paramount here is that we look after the mental health of a group of my middle-aged colleagues who are scared of the word ‘gay’.

“That they would have to come to work each day, in the knowledge that there’s a school somewhere talking about sexuality, I think you will agree is unacceptable.

“After all, the only thing worse than being bullied about being gay is knowing that there’s a booklet out there somewhere that contains the word gay”.

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