The BBC has defended its apparent bias against Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn by arguing that Corbyn is the one who is in fact biased.

A spokesperson for the BBC said: “Vampire antichrist Jeremy Corbyn and his communist nazi stormtrooper supporters often claim that the right wing media, including the pro-Tory BBC, are biased against him and the left. This could not be further from the truth.”

“In actual fact, it is Mr Corbyn and the left who are extremely biased, not only against the mainstream media, but also against the country in general, because Britain is a completely right wing country.”

The BBC’s Laura Kuenssberg added: “Ever since democracy was reestablished in 1979, Britain has always elected right wing governments. So when Jeremy Corbyn makes wild claims about media bias he is purposefully and malevolently offending every man, woman, child and cat in this amazing, God-fearing country.”

“And that is why I have been out to get him since day one of his tenure as leader. I loathe Jeremy Corbyn and everything he stands for, from his pathetic interest in lifting children out of poverty, to his squeamishness about dropping bombs on innocent children in Syria.”

Labour deputy leader Tom Watson, wearing a tin foil hat to ‘block Momentum mind control rays’, said: “Jeremy’s idea of actually helping ordinary people, instead of bowing down to corporations and media magnates is so last century.”

“He needs to step aside for somebody a bit more electable, and by that I mean more right wing, so that Labour can return to power and do basically the same shit as the Tories. Perhaps we can get Hilary Benn in the cabinet again and start a few more illegal wars.”

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