I know I don’t often dabble in editorial content here on Cerealously, so feel free to ignore this if you’re only here for reviews. I just wanted to finally give a long-form answer to a question I’ve been asked a lot recently:

“What do you think about the future of breakfast cereal?”

There’s little doubt that cereal is at a crossroads. Between an increasingly health-conscious society, claims of “lazy millennial breakfasters,” and longer work hours that require on-the-go meals, it’s becoming harder and harder for some to justify a dazzling rainbow bowl of Froot Loops at 5:00 A.M.

Kellogg’s and General Mills: Evolving Cereal in an Evolving World

Big Cereal has responded in different ways. Despite their maddening use of the overused term “soggy sales” (it’s not clever any more, guys), Adweek did an interesting analysis of Kellogg’s and General Mills’ competing responses to America’s great cereal shift.

Kellogg’s has tried to reinvent the traditional idea of cereal as best as possible. With new products like Raisin Bran Granola and Kellogg’s ToGo Breakfast Mixes, the slurp-able bowl with milk that we once knew is becoming something we can fit in our cupholder and munch at 70 miles per hour. Kellogg’s is even embracing underground cereal eating trends, as their recently opened NYC cereal café combines hipster recipe remixes with the nostalgic and campy aesthetic of Saturday morning cartoons with cereal.

I’m not the first to notice that this move is a little ironic on Kellogg’s part; a big corporation co-opting a movement that’s all about never growing up sounds like a concept straight out of a color-charged Pixar movie (The Guardian has an enlightening read on cereal cafés). But having never visited Kellogg’s NYC, I’ll refrain from adult cynicism because I, too, am an innocent and trusting kid at heart.

Flipping the breakfast table over to General Mills—the magically delicious minds behind Lucky Charms and Cocoa Puffs—we see a trend towards healthification: a term I just pulled out of my pot o’ gold to explain why we’re currently seeing cereals like “All Natural Organic Protein Cluster Kale Chia Flax Flakes with Activated Almonds” spreading their corn syrup-free roots across the breakfast aisle.

Some people think artificial ingredients in cereal are inherently bad, and whether you think it’s a sound argument or not (“Momma always said if you have nothing nice to say…”), this opinion is having an impact. General Mills has vowed to remove artificial colors and flavors from as many of their cereal offerings as possible, while many Cheerios varieties are going gluten-free.

As a cereal nostalgia junkie, this isn’t my preferred choice. Eating muted, artificial color-free Trix makes my inner flame of childhood glow a little dimmer. But I suppose I can’t be too upset: this move increased General Mills’ Q1 2016 sales, hopefully signaling the end of a long cereal slump.

Of course, these aren’t the only battle tactics Kellogg’s and General Mills are using against their naysayers. From Kellogg’s “Good Night Snack” campaign emphasizing cereal as a nighttime food to General Mills’ Lucky Charms All Marshmallows contest and Cinnamon Toast Crunch Selfie Spoon, there are still constant pangs of youthful whimsy in cereal advertising.

This silliness, I believe, is what cereal’s future truly relies on: not changing what cereal is, or changing what’s in cereal. Kellogg’s and General Mills need to use cereal as the nostalgic touchstone so many see it as, complete with zany colors, games on the back of the box, and hilarious exaggerated cartoon characters.

And what so many have failed to notice is that one seafaring, militarized mascot has been silently doing this all along.

Cap’n Crunch: Continuing Sugary Business As Usual

Quaker’s Cap’n Crunch has long been a wise General of wild cereal warfare. Sure, Toucan Sam, the Cookie Crook, and the Freakies all had their share of nutty animated adventures on TV in the ’70s and ’80s, but Cap’n Crunch was arguably the best at cranking up the insanity (and sugar content) to never-before-seen levels.

Take his “Where’s the Cap’n?” campaign, for instance. Introduced in 1985 and again in 2000, “Where’s the Cap’n?” saw Quaker yanking ol’ Horatio Magellan Crunch from boxes, encouraging kids to gather clues and submit guesses regarding the mustachioed fellow’s whereabouts. There were prizes involved in this sweepstakes, but—as clichéd as it sounds—the real prizes were the lifelong memories made by kids everywhere.

Oh, and if you were wondering, Cap’n Crunch was never kidnapped. Quaker revealed that in the ’80s he was chilling in outer space, and in 2000 he was exploring the center of the earth.

“Where’s the Cap’n?” was far from the only time Cap’n Crunch turned breakfast into a bonafide, real world adventure. From Christmas Crunch cereal that came with actual sprinkled frosting packets to a pet simulation game that came packaged in cereal boxes, this cereal brand is so good at bringing the fun that I would happily attend a Crunchatized Summer Camp if the Cap’n were a counsellor.

Even chic cereal cafés have nothing on this:

Even to this day, Cap’n Crunch retains a cult status amongst cereal brands, rivaled only by Fruity Pebbles (it’s worth noting that the Post Foods and its Flintstones-themed Pebbles cereals also take a “trend ignorant” stance like Cap’n Crunch, albeit to a less aggressive degree).

Whether it’s a custom pair of Crunchatized Nike Dunks or a hashtagged ode to Crunchberries as a lifesaving hangover food, my time spent observing “cereal social media” has made one thing clear:

Cap’n Crunch nostalgically resonates much more strongly with 21st century cereal eaters than any other brand. And why is that?

Because the stuff is just as colorful, sugary, and delicious as it ever was!

Whether it’s his original golden treasure chests, his iconic Crunchberries, his slightly salty Peanut Butter Crunch, or his ever-iridescent Oops! All Berries, the Cap’n Crunch section of the cereal aisle is a monument frozen in history. Its red, yellow, orange, and blue palette of boxes is a never-wavering Stonehenge that attracts kids and kids-at-heart alike with its eternal recognizability.

Sure, Quaker releases new Cap’n Crunch cereals all the time, but this pattern of short-lived and totally wacky Limited Edition cereals still reflects retro sensibilities. Just as they did with 1975’s Punch Crunch or 2000’s Mystery Volcano Crunch, Quaker regularly plops a Sprinkled Donut Crunch or Caramel Popcorn Crunch onto shelves, milks the hype until the novelty bursts, and yanks the flavor from shelves.

Nostalgia-holics everywhere are then left with a residual sugar high, fond memories, and a desire to taste what’s next. Meanwhile, Cap’n Crunch himself kicks his feet up and plots his next guerrilla strike.

It’s a genius strategy, and before you say I’m reading too deep into it, consider the effort put into recent Limited Edition Cap’n Crunch cereals.

This year’s boxes of HomeRun Crunch and Orange Creampop Crunch cereals both featured callbacks to obscure Quaker mascots on the back. At the same time, the brand’s social media presence is genius and self-aware. Not only does the Cap’n respond entirely in character, and not only does he have his own animated YouTube talk show, but he is also forthright in interacting with Crunch superfans. This is a blessing I’ve experienced firsthand when I received a personalized letter from Horatio himself:

Someone onboard the S.S. Guppy knows what they’re doing, and I salute them for it. Remember when you were a kid coming home from school on Friday afternoon? You had a bounce in your step and plenty of optimism about the blissful and sugary sweet Saturday morning waiting ahead of you.

Cap’n Crunch remembers this feeling. And he knows that while people may grow up and markets may shift, sometimes change isn’t the solution.

Sometimes you just have to keep the magic alive.