CHANHASSEN, MN—Ending rampant speculation regarding the extent of the late musician’s catalogue of unreleased recordings, the executors of Prince’s estate announced Monday that the performer’s famed vault in his Paisley Park residence sadly contains 37,000 hours of Billy Joel covers. “Prince was constantly creating throughout his career, and after finally accessing his vast trove of previously unheard music, we now know that he produced over 40,000 albums’ worth of material that is, unfortunately, made up entirely of songs originally recorded by Billy Joel,” said attorney L. Londell McMillan, reluctantly admitting that Prince had produced at least 9,000 hours of “Uptown Girl” covers alone. “We regrettably found a slowed-down, 40-minute version of ‘Scenes From An Italian Restaurant’ from the late 1980s, as well as a melodic vocal-only version recorded more recently—and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. It appears he was still recording pulsing, guitar-driven covers of ‘She’s Always A Woman’ up until his death. Tragically, we could be hearing new Prince tracks covering Billy Joel classics for decades to come.” Dejected executors went on to announce they had discovered Prince’s private journals containing hundreds of pages of additional, updated verses to “We Didn’t Start The Fire.”

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