They say it's not the cough that carries you off, but the coffin they carry you off in. You wouldn't have to be coughin' up too much dough for today's Nice Price or Crack Pipe Caddy hearse, but even for that price is it dead to you?


Ding-dong the witch is dead, is the traditional way the song goes. Ding-dent however, and yesterday's 1988 Celica All-Trac still has enough life left in it to make its twenty-five hundred dollar price seem nice, at least to 65% of you.


Canada's a nice place. They say people are polite up there, and you never have to lock your doors. It's such a pleasant place to live that apparently nobody up there wants to leave, even at the hands of the grim reaper. That's the most likely explanation for the condition and sale of today's 1985 Cadillac Eureka Concours Hearse, as its seller is likely offering it up from lack of need.

The Eureka Concours was built by the Canadian limousine (li-moose-sine?) manufacturer, AHA Mfg. Co Ltd on the stretched platform of a Fleetwood Brougham. The Eureka name is even older than that of Caddy, originally dating to the early 1870s, and later gaining fame as a maker of limos, hearses and the like. The company didn't live to see its centenary however, as financial difficulties resulted in its shuttering in 1964. Limo-builder AHA resurrected the name when they bought the rights in the mid 1970s.

This 1985 Concours looks to be in excellent shape and the ad claims that it not only runs well, but starts on even the most deathly cold of days. The ad also notes the replacement of the windshield, which is a custom job owing to the increased height of the roofline. Those extra inches have always been a bit puzzling to me when you consider that a hearse's VIP occupant is most typically riding horizontal parade rest.


The big ol' roof does provide an ample canvas for a padded vinyl roof upon which are affixed a pair of the largest landau bars you've likely ever seen. The back door unfortunately opens curbside owing to it being a left-hooker, which will make the car's use as a grocery getter a little less optimal. It should be noted as well that the carpets don't match the drapes, there being hardwood floors in back. Of course, some people are into that.


There's no mention of the mechanical specifications, but it's likely the car is fitted with the glacial HT4100. Adding all the weight on top of the standard Brougham's two ton's of fun means that this hearse likely isn't going anywhere fast, but then that was never its intent. However slow it is, the ad notes that it has managed to cover 85K kilometers.


Why would you want to own a hearse? Well, maybe Harold and Maude is your all-time favorite movie. Or perhaps you are president of the Goth Glee Club at school. Or, just maybe, you totally dig Kenny vs. Spenny, a TV show in which this Hearse is supposed to have made an appearance.

Whatever the reason, it will cost you $1,900 Canadian to buy this black beauty, and it's now time to determine if that's a great deal, or if paying that much would be a grave mistake.


You decide!


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