Chapter Text

The rest of the evening was... normal. They'd dutifully done the dishes after dinner—it had long been decided that doing this chore was well worth not getting boss monster fur stuck in the drain, and it wasn't exactly onerous to clean for two people anyway. Sharing a body halved the amount of dishes and laundry on their part, which made it a bizarrely economical arrangement in some ways. Frisk laughed at the observation.

They'd bidden Toriel good night with another tight hug, and, for the first time that day, she seemed to be treating them like nothing was wrong. This couldn't be further from the truth. But it felt nice regardless.

They slowly got ready for bed, Chara going through the same routine they'd watched from the backseat hundreds of times over the past two years.

Frisk was quiet for a while, seeming to need a while to put their thoughts into words. Chara didn't try to rush them. The conversation at dinner had exacted a heavy emotional toll on the both of them, and... they wouldn't be able to easily put today into words either.

"I'd ask if you had a good day," Frisk said finally. "But I already know you did."

Chara rolled their eyes in front of the mirror, but it was with a certain fondness.

"All things considered, it was... nice. We didn't die from the fish tacos, so I have little to complain about."

"Eh, I figured we could trust Sans. He's too lazy to kill us."

They shared a soft laugh, before Frisk continued with a somewhat more serious tone. "You know... Asgore and Toriel really liked seeing you."

Chara felt uncomfortable. This had been the one thing that ate at them more than anything else today. The cruelty inherent in their happy-go-lucky joyride through Frisk's life. "I hurt them so badly by leaving. And I reminded them of all the pain they felt just by being myself today."

"C'mon, you're being mean to yourself. Happy tears, remember? And remember what Toriel said?"

There was little they could say to that, finding themself guiltily unable to make eye contact with their reflection. "...yes. I remember."

Frisk was also silent for a bit longer, a feeling of anxiety welling up in them. "...I'm not gonna nag you about it, 'cause it's your choice, but... if you ever do decide to let us tell them about you... you know, the whole truth about you... they won't be mad."

For the past two years they'd always given a flat no at the suggestion. Today they took a moment before slowly shaking their head.. "I... I can't, Frisk. Toriel says her love is unconditional, but she won't even forgive Asgore. She knew him way longer than she knew me."

"That's... different," Frisk said cautiously, picking their words with care. "We forgave him, but he... well... he gained a lot of LV."

"I would have too if Asriel hadn't..."

They trailed off, not letting themself go down that line of thinking. It was too painful in so many ways. They clenched their eyes shut, breathing raggedly as the memories threatened to invade their space.

It was like they were there again. In the body of an angelic boss monster, their own corpse held in their arms, feeling Asriel in their mind as surely as they could feel Frisk today.

Weapons. Pain. Screaming. Fighting Asriel for control. Begging him to fight back, trying desperately to wrest control of their limbs and their magic away from him. But they wouldn't, couldn't win. They'd had the willpower to kill themself slowly and painfully all week, but they couldn't win this fight.

Dying. Dragging themselves back home. Smiling... the one thing he was allowing Chara to control. Smiling the pain away. All they were good for in the end.

Their SOULs shattered. They both died for nothing.

"Chara." Frisk's voice was soft but shattering, a shot of reality that pulled them abruptly back to the present. "Breathe..."

They obeyed the command, breathing in and out, focusing on the breath and the voice that they heard.

"It's okay..." Frisk continued gently. "We're fine. You're fine."

Chara exhaled shakily, their vision blurry. "No... no I'm not."

"Yes, you are. You're right here with me. Mom's just down the hall. You're fine-"

"He's not!"

That brought a stunned silence from Frisk before a slow understanding filled them. Understanding and a distinctly miserable feeling of their own.

"...oh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"Fine. I mean... it's fine. You didn't say anything wrong."

Chara stuck to their slow breathing, focusing in on it, taking another minute to make sure they didn't drift into those bad memories. Frisk waited patiently.

The memories didn't drag them back under. But they were a long way from gone. So was the hopeful mood they'd left dinner with.

"...y'know," Frisk said suddenly, "I'm not really tired. Wanna take a stroll? It's been a while."

They considered that for a moment before slowly nodding their head. "That sounds nice. We still have our spot."

They listened intently for their mother's footsteps and the gentle closing of her bedroom door to confirm she wouldn't be double checking on them tonight, and quietly, expertly slid open their window and slipped out. They'd done it before—or rather, Frisk had done it before and Chara had tagged along with snarky commentary. They never went any further than their special spot.

There was a pleasant area of un-owned woods around Toriel's home—well, undoubtedly some wealthy human with too much land owned it, but if so they were miles away and had no presence here. It was a nice place to walk. Spacious and yet cozy. Secluded yet open. Foreboding but welcoming. Perfect for a creepy teenager.

Better yet there was a nice tree here with a hell of a view from the top. Sometimes they'd climb it and simply sit there for a while, getting away from the rest of this wild, chaotic world and all the damage they'd caused to it. Well, that was Chara's reasoning. They were sure Frisk was a little more well-adjusted when it came to their tree.

They grabbed a branch and tried to pull themself up. They almost immediately lost their grip and fell down on their butt. It hurt, but their pride was hit worse than their HP—Frisk felt more amused than anything else. Re-steadying themself they made another try, and again couldn't quite make it up.

Damn. This wasn't as easy as it felt like when Frisk did it. After another couple of failed tries they addressed the voice in their head.

"Alright, fine. Take us up there."

"How about I walk you through it?" Frisk suggested instead. "It's easy."

""I will just fall again."

"Nah, 'cause this time you'll have me! C'mon, Chara, stay determined!"

They sighed. "Alright..."

"Okay, so you'll wanna grab onto that spot right there, closer to the base..."

With Frisk guiding them step by step, branch by branch, it didn't take long to reach their usual spot in a nice little crook up the tree. A comfortable place just the right size for them, at just the right height to catch the cool country breeze in their face.

And honestly, it felt kind of nice to have done it together. Almost as nice as the view.

The view.

They could see Mt. Ebott from here. They could just make it out as a dark shape against the starry sky, a shadow that loomed over this whole part of the country. It was one of the very few things that looked exactly the same in Frisk's time as it had in Chara's. Having seen it every day growing up was another something they shared as surely as their dreams and their bruised tailbone.

It was beautiful. Their early memories weren't all bad, then. Just... most of them.

Like Frisk, they hadn't found real happiness until they'd climbed the mountain. It had been such a short-sighted decision for both of them. They'd both picked death while completely oblivious to the beautiful civilization beneath their feet. The Underground had saved them both.

The surreal parallels kept coming. The first person they'd both encountered had been Asriel Dreemurr, albeit under vastly different circumstances. They'd both stayed for a time at a Dreemurr family residence. They'd both, little by little, realized they were the only one who could save monsterkind. That they could repay the Underground for saving them.

That was where it ended. Frisk had succeeded. Chara's failure had been so absolute that it still caused pain and misery to this day. They destroyed the very family who took them in.

Frisk was the reason monsterkind lived on the surface in peace and harmony with humanity. They were the reason they went to school with human and monster kids alike. They were the reason the future had hope.

Chara was the reason Toriel and Asgore lived apart when they'd been so inseparable back then. They were the reason six unknown humans had been murdered out of bitter vengeance. They were the reason Toriel obsessed over Frisk's mental health. They were the reason their first and best friend was living the cursed un-life of a SOULless flower in the very caves the rest of his kind had been freed from.

"...Chara?" Frisk's voice was careful but concerned. "I'm getting the feeling you're being mean to yourself again."

"It is that obvious?" They gave a forlorn sigh, staring dismally off at the mountain. "Apologies. You must be thinking of how ungrateful I am. I get to borrow your perfect life for a day, and I'm miserable nonetheless."

"No, of course not." Frisk sounded upset, their playful demeanor from a minute ago long gone. Chara started to realize they'd been too embroiled in their own self-pity to have realized Frisk's feelings had been every bit as dismal as theirs. "l'm just... frustrated. Not at you! This time. It's just... this isn't perfect at all!"

Chara frowned. "What do you mean? You have friends and family. You are the hero of all monsterkind. You saved everyone-"

"Not everyone." Frisk's words took a moment to sink in, but they were already starting to ramble in the way they did when they were truly upset. "I wanted to save everyone. I wanted to make up for everything I did the first time—I wanted to make sure everyone was happy. And I almost did! I came so close!"

"Frisk-"

"I tried SO hard to save Asriel. But there was nothing I could do. He turned into that thing again and there's nothing I can do about it!"

"That isn't your fault," Chara insisted, feeling pained. "I am the reason he is like that. I would have done anything to bring him back, but-"

"And you!"

Chara went quiet.

"I wanted to save you! I poked around Alphys' lab, I poked around Sans' shed, I tried to look for something, anything that might get you a body back. But I failed at that too!"

"Is that what you were trying to do? Frisk, I—I gave up on that a long time ago. It is neither your fault nor your responsibility that I-"

"I just want you to be happy!"

Now they both went quiet, Frisk still an emotional mess and Chara at a loss for words. They sat in the tree for a little bit longer before Frisk sniffed, speaking again with a heavy internal voice.

"...sorry," they said finally. "I just... I know you're not happy up here with me. Some days I can tell you're spending every minute trying not to cry, and I can't help but feel like... like I couldn't save either of you. There were only two people in the whole Underground who actually understood me, and I couldn't save either of them. And if they don't deserve to be happy..."

Then why should they? Frisk didn't finish the thought, but they didn't need to. Chara felt the exact same way about having left Asriel behind to become a flower again. They'd have stayed there with him if they could have, if only because a life on the surface with Frisk was so much more than they deserved.

But this wasn't about them. This was about Frisk.

"Hey," Chara said awkwardly. "I wish we could have done more for him too. You know I do. But if it's me you're worried about..."

They took a deep breath, trying... and largely failing... to find a way to phrase themself that didn't embarrass them to their core.

"...when we spend time together, I don't feel for a second like you failed to save me. It's the opposite. You saved me even though I didn't deserve it. You brought me up here to live with you, to share your experience. You're just... that unbelievably good."

They felt a slight warm glow at that, but it was quickly replaced by guilt. Shame, even.

"I know you mean that," Frisk said shakily. "But... you should know better than to think of me like that. I'm not that good. We both remember that."

Chara was quiet. The memories of Asriel and their first and second deaths were all theirs, but there were plenty of other bad memories that they shared with Frisk. They could tell the exact same memories were playing in both of their heads right now.

Monsters turning into dust, flowing through their fingers as though they hadn't been alive and magical mere moments ago. Wielding an empty gun like a club while darting from tunnel to tunnel in the CORE, terrified out of their wits. Undyne's body...

Mom's SOUL shattering before their eyes. Frisk sobbing hysterically, crying over and over that it was an accident. That they hadn't meant to get that mad. They hadn't meant to...

It was hard. But Chara pulled themself back to the present. They sensed Frisk was having a harder time doing the same, so they tried to pull them back with a calm, collected tone.

"Frisk. None of that happened."

They felt tears stinging at their eyes, and this time they didn't think they were their own. Frisk's voice was shaky.

"B-But it did. We undid it, but it still—and I still do it! I don't hit people, but I get so... angry, and I say what I don't mean... and I'm selfish. It's been two years, Chara! How can you say I 'saved' you when it's been two years and this is the first day I've ever let you have a turn?"

Chara felt the tears running down their cheeks. Their breathing was picking up involuntarily, their vision going blurry.

No, not this feeling, not this feeling, not this feeling...

"Frisk... Frisk. Calm down. We are not a child. Stop crying!"

"I'm s-sorry, I'm trying, I try not to bring this up with you 'cause I know I-I'll get like this..."

Their voice died off, their face contorting in an effort to fight back the tears. The emotions were still there, raging, hurting, battering against the thin walls separating their psyche like a hurricane against a glass window. This was what had been building all day—no, for two years.

All of a sudden Chara felt furious. Not at Frisk. Not at the world. It was a targeted fury towards themself. Even when they were trying their best to be loving, their worst attributes would rear their ugly head to ruin everything.

Were they that blind, that they couldn't see this? Were they that stupid, that they'd repeat the same mistakes they'd made with Asriel?

Were they that cruel?

They spoke again. This time out loud. It was only a whisper, but coming through their choked voice from out of the quiet, it was almost deafening.

"F-Frisk...it's okay."

The storm didn't subside, but they felt Frisk's surprised attention from the midst of it. They never spoke out loud to one another... if only for the pragmatic reason that people would think they were insane. But it felt important right here and right now.

"It's o-okay," they repeated shakily. "Just... let it out."

"But... you..." Frisk stammered, sounding hurt and confused. "You just said-"

"I know what I said... and what I always say. J-Just pretend I'm not here, alright?"

They felt their voice cracking. Tears running down their face. A ragged sob forcing its way up their throat. This time they tried not to fight it, nor to stop their hands from flying up to cover their face.

They just cried. They let the sobs come out of them. They remained quiet as Frisk worked their way through it.

After everything... after all the support they'd gotten from them today... the least they could do was allow them this.

Emotions raged and their face became grubby and wet with tears. Their own memories flashed through their mind, and before long it was starting to seem like they were sharing their tears like they shared everything else.

For a short while everything broke down; their defenses, their barriers, their very selves. Just a broken human crying in the woods. But eventually they found themselves again, as they always did. Their emotions grew more distinct; Frisk's guilt became theirs and Chara's became theirs; the misery Frisk felt grew separate from the hollow grief that Chara knew so well.

"S-Sorry," Frisk said finally, voice choked even in their own mind. "Today was supposed to be all about you, a-and... here I am at the very end, making it all about me. You d-don't have to let me do that."

"It's okay," Chara said softly. They surprised themself with their own tone. They spoke internally again, out of fear that they'd break down again if they tried to use their real voice, but on the inside they were managing the consoling tone that they meant. The consoling tone that they should have been using with their partner all along, if they had any more emotional awareness than a bacterium. "It's really okay, Frisk. Today isn't about either of us. We're both miserable creatures from day to day, and... and we should be there for each other. It is truly pathetic that I have shirked that responsibility so often."

"You haven't-"

"I haven't even been a voice of comfort when we share nightmares," Chara interrupted, voice firm. Their lips twitched into a miserable smile, their eyes stinging."That bothered you more than my bossiness, didn't it? That's the real reason you exploded at me and started all of this."

Frisk's silence at that told them everything. They closed their eyes, sucking in a shaky, barely controlled breath.

"Listen," Chara said finally. They put a deliberate note of command into their voice, and they could feel Frisk obey. "This is going to be sappy and it isn't going to help much. But I am going to say it anyway."

They took another breath, less shaky this time, more sure of themself. They were discussing the one thing in life they were sure of.

"You are a great person, Frisk."

Warmth. Guilt. Affection. Doubt. Frisk's emotions were an open book, especially in such a raw state. Even more certain their input was needed, Chara continued.

"Most humans would probably never even consider sharing their body with a ghost. You didn't just consider it. You demanded it."

"A-After two whole years..."

"I never asked for control. I had no right to ask. I was content to be the bossy voice in your head, and you put up with a lot more of that from me than you deserved."

"You make yourself sound so awful," Frisk muttered. "B-But it's never been like that, no matter what I said when I got mad. I like having you with me. You're my best friend."

"And... you're mine," Chara admitted. They felt tight in the chest, barely able to keep going. They continued. "No... that's not even it. You're something really special to me, Frisk. You're someone who makes mistakes, like me, but you always do your best to fix them. I admire you so much for that. If it weren't for you I... I would probably still be rooting for the extinction of my own species. In my eyes you redeemed all humanity."

"...I... you've seen the kind of person I've been, Chara. You were there. You saw."

"Frisk... I have been with you every single step of the way. I remember every step you took since you first fell down, and every last reset. I see everything that you see. I feel everything that you feel. I hear everything you say and most of what you don't. So please... listen to me when I say..."

They were hugging themself tightly, hands squeezing their own shoulders in a desperate gesture.

"...you are full of love, Frisk. You're amazing. And... though I know I haven't done a good job at making you realize it... I want you to know that when you look in the mirror, there's someone there who loves you more than anything. They want you to love yourself, too."

Silence. Frisk's emotions were reeling, like everything had been set spinning around them. Chara couldn't tell what they were feeling now. They could barely tell what they themself were feeling right now. They'd said exactly what they wanted, what they needed to say, but at the same time it made them feel so...

Raw. Vulnerable. Exposed. Unsafe. They hated pouring their heart out. They hated feeling weak. They hated not smiling.

But they hated hurting their loved ones more, and today had been a reminder of just how many people they'd put through hell. They couldn't let Frisk join their number. Not any more than they already were.

Suddenly they were shaken from their own spinning world by the sensation of their own hand reaching upwards to softly touch them on the cheek. They opened their eyes in surprise, feeling a strange affection in the touch. Frisk's feelings were coming sharper into focus.

Gratitude. Happiness. Awkwardness.

Love.

If only Mom and Dad could see them now. A weird teenager sitting alone in a tree, cupping their own face in their hand with clear, almost romantic affection, smiling at nothing. They must look so goddamn creepy.

But it felt... nice. Really, really nice.

"...despite all that," Chara said after a long while, "You're still a bit of a freak."

"H-Ha..." Frisk's voice was weak and their shared cheeks were hot. "So are you then, 'cause you like it."

For once Chara found it hard to argue with them.

"But, uh..." Frisk's voice remained quiet and serious. "...you're wrong."

Chara blinked before feeling a sinking sensation. Frisk amended themself quickly.

"What I mean is... you said it'd be sappy and it wouldn't help. But you're wrong. It did help. It helped a lot."

"...ah." They still felt awkward to have laid themself so bare. But not as much as they thought they would. After all. It was Frisk. It was silly to feel vulnerable with Frisk, wasn't it? "It was the least I could do. You've been here for me all day."

"Maybe we should try to be there for each other a little more. It's not exactly like it's inconvenient to hit each other up."

"Not at all." They pondered the day behind them; the way Frisk had backed them in everything, and how close to being genuinely happy they'd become. They weren't quite there. There was still so much heartbreak surrounding them, so much unresolved misery in the lives they wanted so desperately to be a part of again. But they were close to being happy again; it was within reach. They just needed a little help reaching it.

"Frisk," they said slowly. "I want to work for a happier ending."

"I'm with you."

"I know you are. Silly, sentimental thing that you are." They could tell Frisk was the one blushing from that. "Not tomorrow, but starting soon, I want to start reaching out to people. I... I want to be honest with my family that I'm still alive. Whatever happens. Isn't it pathetic that I let that weirdo skeleton be the first person to catch on?"

"Not pathetic, but definitely weird."

"Indeed." They closed their eyes in thought, hand still on their own cheek, savoring the company in their head. They breathed out a sigh. "I feel like we will have made a sizable step forward just by opening up to each other more often. There is no good reason for us to bottle everything up until we become the world's first solitary human being in need of couple's therapy."

Frisk laughed at the joke before trailing off with a strange new sensation. Chara cocked their head, wondering—and worrying—what it was they said.

"What? Did I say something wrong?"

"Nah. Just, uh... you kinda just called us a couple."

"Oh." Damn it. They didn't know they could blush any more than they already had today. "It was—I mean it was simply a choice of—listen, technically speaking, we may never so much as hold hands but we're still more intimate than any married couple. It just seemed like an apt comparison."

"Now you just said we were intimate..."

"Of COURSE we... gah... we're having a moment out here. Don't make it weird."

"I'm not!" Frisk's side of the mind, though having been gloomy most of their time out here, was taking on a mischievous streak. "...though I mean... if you think about it, it's kinda scandalous that you sneak out late to be with another teenager in the woods..."

"I am done talking to you. Let's go to bed."

"Whoah! Chara, you're going too fast for me."

"I—UGH. You're a deviant, Frisk."

"So are you 'cause you loooove me."

"...maybe I am. Come on."

It didn't take them long to climb down and head for home, easily sneaking back in through the window and quietly getting ready for bed. There were a lot of emotions bouncing back and forth in their heads, and it was exhausting.

They were exhausted all the time, come to think of it. They carried so much baggage with them wherever they went; so much unresolved pain and strife. It was bound to bring them down eventually. In a way they were fortunate they were so firmly held together. It'd be impossible to carry these burdens alone.

Alright," Chara said finally as they settled themself under the covers. "Are you ready to go to sleep and face Monday?"

"Mm hmm. Buuuuut... I want you to take the day after."

"I haven't agreed to that. I said I'd take one day."

"I know, and I'm not gonna refuse to get out of bed or anything. But I'm being serious. I want to share, so you need to know that it's yours if you want it. It's long past time we started taking turns."

Chara quietly mulled it over. As much as they didn't want to claim so much of Frisk's life...

...well, that was the problem. They did want to claim that much life for themself. Today had felt freeing, even intoxicatingly so. It had been such a long time since it was them breathing, since it was them choosing the right words to say next. Since they'd actually wanted to live.

"...three days," they said finally. "I will take three days a week. No more."

Frisk considered this. "But also no less," they said, almost business-like. Chara nodded.

"Then it is agreed. You will give me your Tuesday, your Thursday, and your Sunday. And, in return, I will never again rush you or argue over how you spend your time."

"No, don't promise that," Frisk said. Something in their tone made Chara feel like the words would physically be accompanied by a fake pout. "It just won't feel the same if we never bicker at all."

"Ha ha," they replied, sarcastic but amused. "Very well then. I will cut down on arguing with you. And on my days you will be expected to loudly disagree with as many of my decisions as you please."

"Deal," Frisk said happily. Then, a moment later, a little more quietly, "I'm excited for this, Chara. I hope you are too."

"...I am," they said, perhaps a little shyly. They had to stifle a yawn, their long, emotionally and physically complex day starting to take its toll. They felt a similar exhaustion from Frisk.

"Then g'night, Chara. Sweet dreams."

"Likewise. Good night, Frisk."

They were quiet, rolling into a comfortable position and letting the silence of the room slowly take them to sleep.

Frisk's voice interrupted the silence again.

"...and by the way, the first thing we're doing tomorrow is having a LONG bath, 'cause you got dirt and pollen ALL OVER us."

"Good NIGHT, Frisk."

"Ha ha... I love you too."