Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer receiving rejection letters through the mail. It’s like the publisher or literary agent has gone to extra lengths to say “thank you, but no thank you.” They’ve had to retrieve the form letter from their hard drive, add your name and information, print and sign it, place it in an envelope, seal that envelope, and adhere a stamp to it. They may even have to walk down to a dark and dusty mailroom to ensure you receive the aforementioned letter in a timely fashion. How they don’t have a breakdown from the stress of it all is beyond me!

Nowadays, most publishers have gone digital, sending you the equivalent of a middle finger salute through email. I avidly dislike this manner of rejection. Email just makes the impersonal feel, well, even more impersonal. Yes, but sending a reply through email saves paper, you say. True, but having a letter that you can rip into a hundred little pieces while having a momentary meltdown is more gratifying than clicking delete.

It’s no secret to anyone who has had the fortitude to submit their writing for publication, but rejection and being a writer go hand in hand. Unless you are absolutely brilliant or just incredibly lucky (or both), odds are you will receive your fair share of “thanks, but no thanks” notifications before you finally get a yes.

If you are feeling disheartened, here are some reassuring statistics:

Lisa Genova’s novel Still Alice, later adapted into an Oscar-nominated film starring Julianne Moore, was rejected by over 100 publishers before she self-published it.

Kathryn Stockett received more than 60 rejections over five years before getting her novel The Help published. While John Grisham’s A Time to Kill received over 50 rejections.

There is an unmistakable pattern here. Even the most well-known and prolific writers were rejected frequently before they achieved success. The truth is that if you want to become a published writer — and for the sake of this article I’m referring to traditional third-party publication rather than self-publication — you have to prepare yourself as best you can. Seeking publication is not a task for the timid, and in many cases, it’s going to be a long process.

Regular rejection tends to be one of the primary reasons why many writers give up. It takes a heavy toll, and it becomes easy to wonder why should continue. Yet, most writers keeping moving forward be cause they feel that a ‘yes’ is just around the corner.

Knowing the realities of the industry does help a writer prepare for the challenges ahead. But it is still very easy to become chronically discouraged. Writers are creative individuals, and many creative people tend to lead with their hearts. While this is an admirable trait, it does make rejection very hard to process. How can you deal with writer’s rejection in a productive and healthy manner?

Don’t give in to self-doubt

For many writers, the process of writing is very personal. Much of what we write is motivated by our own life experiences. Prose, poetry, and non-fiction alike are often infused with our secrets and our truths. We are deeply invested in everything we create. Transforming the blank page into something meaningful is a deeply emotional process.

When a publisher or agent comes along and says “thanks, but we’re not interested,” it’s immensely difficult not to take it personally. A very common reaction is to question oneself. Am I actually talented or am I just kidding myself? Is my work worth publication? Am I fooling myself?

It’s okay to ask these questions, but don’t allow yourself to be dominated by them. The truth is there are a myriad of reasons why your work might have been rejected, and few of those will have anything to do with how good of a writer you are. Most of the time, it simply has to do with market realities. Remember, publishers are running businesses, not charities. They want to make money, and if they feel that your work is not ‘in demand,’ they are going to pass, no matter how much they enjoyed what you submitted.

If you’re feeling low after receiving an impersonal form letter, that’s to be expected. But don’t throw in the towel. Take some time to do something that you know will make you happy, and then come back tomorrow, refreshed and ready to try again!

Ask why you weren’t published

Honesty is always the best cure for any setback. When you get that rejection letter, it’s time to step back and assess the situation. Review your submission again. Even if you’ve edited it dozens of times, it’s still possible that you missed a tiny error, or it contains poor word choices. The truth is, editors reviewing your work for publication are ruthless. One little comma splice or missing period could land your work in the shredder. Also, ensure you follow any submission policy to the letter.

Understand the market. What is selling these days, and what types of niches or genres are readers drawn to at the moment. It is also wise to ensure you’re submitting your work to an appropriate publisher. Publishers, Magazines, and Blogs often specialize in a limited number of areas. Make sure that your submissions are appropriate matches. You should also familiarize yourself with the material they have published in the past. For example, if you’re submitting an article to a magazine, go and read several back issues to get a clear feel for the tone and narrative flow of it. You ideally want to send them something that fits their style like a glove.

Finally, why not ask the publisher why they have rejected your work? In all honesty, larger publishing companies or magazines probably won’t respond to you, but medium to smaller ones often will. I recently submitted a short story to a small digital magazine that specializes in my main genre; it was rejected about three months after they received it. I emailed the appropriate editor and was surprised when she responded the next day. She told me that while she loved the story and felt it had potential, it was simply too close in theme to several stories they had previously published. She also mentioned that she felt the tone of my story was darker than the pieces they usually published. Here’s the kicker, she thanked me for reaching out to her and that she really hoped I would submit some more work because she felt I was highly talented.

Establish a writing network

Writing is a solitary experience. You can take numerous courses, earn degrees, attend conferences, and subscribe to craft magazines, but the actual act of writing is left to you alone. That being said, every writer needs a network of professional peers who have their back.

This is not meant to be exclusionary, but even the most supportive partner, friend, or family member who is not a writer won’t understand the reality of writing in the same way as a fellow writer. You need people in your life who have been where you are and understand the ups and downs of the craft and market.

The best career advice and editorial feedback I’ve ever received has been from fellow writers. They are also the people I turn to when I’m feeling unsure and uncertain about my future as a writer. Most will reaffirm how I’m feeling, because they’ve been there, and then give me the encouragement I need to keep going.

Fellow writers can give you detailed feedback on your work, help you generate ideas, and be there for you when things look bleak. Writing networks also provide a great deal of free mentorship, allowing new writers to learn about the craft and the realities of the market from more experienced writers.

Make your own opportunities

Tired of being told “no” by agents and publishers? Why not take matters into your own hands? While the internet can sometimes be described as something of a double-edged sword, it has spawned a marketplace for the ‘independent writer.’

It is easier than ever for a writer to publish their own books, magazines, or blogs online without the need for an agent, editor, publisher, or publishing house. In most cases, all you need is a website, an email, and your writing.

Have a novel you think the world didn’t know it was dying to read? You can publish on major retails sites like Amazon. Do you want to try and build a readership? Start a blog or join content creation platforms.

The non-traditional market is growing every day, and there are plenty of avenues for new writers to explore. Content creation has revolutionized how artists can distribute their creations. It may be shocking to think that a viral video on YouTube reaches more viewers than most network television shows. A trending online article will get more reads than a print article in a major magazine or newspaper.

Where self-publication was once looked down upon, it is increasingly becoming the norm. Even successful authors opt to self-publish some of their works to quickly expand their back catalog.

Sadly, however, the income potential of online writing is much lower than in traditional formats. There are two reasons for this: the over-saturation of content, and the lack of quality. While many amazing writers have published their works, there is an overabundance of lackluster material written by people hoping to ‘get rich quick.’

That’s not to say amazing things can’t happen. Many writers manage to earn a living wage as an independent writer. Doing things on your own terms helps to keep you motivated and gets your work out there.