Lily Cade, porn valley’s goldstar lesbian and AVN Best All-Girl Performer nominee 2014, shares with SimplySxy her views on pornography, porn addiction and her favourite sex toy she can’t do without.

SimplySxy: What is your personal view on pornography?

Lily Cade: I love making porn. I’m a performer and a director and I find this job fulfilling on so many levels. I love the athletic, high energy sex. I love being able to inhabit a character that isn’t myself and embody her through a sex scene. I love knowing that everyone is on the same page – that we are all on set to make a product and to make it good. For me this is an expression of my creativity and an expression of my authenticity as a sexual being.

There’s a dark side to the porn industry, and it’s that a lot of people get into it not because this work really speaks to them but because they mistakenly think it’s a super lucrative profession or just kind of don’t know what they are getting themselves into. There are doors closed with all of our life choices, but porn closes some pretty big ones (teaching being a prime example – we see a lot of “ex-porn star teacher fired” type stories). If you do this job because you like it and you’re proud of it, someone bringing it up can’t hurt you…but if porn is the record of you making life decisions you regret, it can be used as a weapon against you. Girls ask me all the time about getting into porn, and I tell them what is good and what is bad about it and a lot of times they change their minds about doing it. This job really isn’t for everyone.

SimplySxy: What were some of the challenges which you faced when you started out in the industry?

Lily: I’m a bit of an unconventional porn star. I have short hair, I’m sort of butch (I call myself “Hollywood Butch” as in “I’m not one, but I play one on TV”), I do girl/girl porn exclusively because I’m gay and not as a stepping stone to boy/girl and larger stardom. I just f**k girls like I mean it.

When I first got into porn, I had a lot of producers and agents tell me that I wasn’t going to be successful, particularly if I wasn’t willing to f**k men on camera. I just decided to represent myself, and I feel that I’ve accomplished a lot. I have my own website LilyCade.com, I’ve directed movies that have been nominated for AVN awards, I’ve won two Feminist Porn Awards, and I was up for Best All Girl Performer at the AVN Awards last year. I’ve shot hundreds of scenes and I’m still going strong.

I did make some changes to my look for porn. I was really rough around the edges when I got in, but I like being able to be more versatile. I’ll always have shorter hair, but I can rock an evening gown or a masculine suit depending on what the role calls for. I learned everything I know about doing makeup after I got into porn – before porn I’d basically only worn it for Halloween. I’ve grown a lot as a performer and as an actress.

SimplySxy: What are your views regarding pornography addiction?

Lily: Pornography isn’t technically addictive, although certainly there are people who become obsessed with it. I think any activity that you’re doing in lieu of human interaction can be a problem, whether that’s looking at porn or playing World of WarCraft or just watching television all day. For some people, porn can be a really positive thing, as a masturbation aid or as an educational tool or as something to spice up partnered sex. It’s about balance. If your entire life is watching porn, that’s not great, but we’re talking about adults here. I don’t feel that as a media creator I’m responsible for policing people’s media consumption or judging their lives.

SimplySxy: Please share with us one tip for ladies to enjoy anal sex?

Lily: If your definition of “anal sex” is someone’s dick in your ass, then you probably need to work up to it. Rimming feels good to a lot of girls (although I’ve met chicks who hate it – humans have varied sexual tastes), so do toys like buttplugs. If you approach anal like it’s a thing you’re trying to accomplish instead of approaching your ass as yet another conduit to pleasure, you’re doing it wrong. Your ass has nerves in it. Explore them and figure out what feels good to you.

Anal hygiene is important too. It’s way easier to relax around anal sex if you’re not worried about “santorum”. Us porn girls are well acquainted with enemas.

SimplySxy: What is the ultimate role play for you?

Lily: I like cops, prison guards, anyone in a uniform. I like playing with this particular sort of power and the abuse thereof. These sorts of authority figures are part of a system that’s f**ked. Our prison system is just massively inequitable, but the uniforms are hot, and that power to f**k up your life is hot, and there’s something taboo about being drawn to something dangerous.

I’ve done a lot of scenes where I’ve played a dirty cop and drawn attention to things that are unfair about the system while still doing really hot sex scenes so you get a touch of this “wrong but hot.”

SimplySxy: Which do you think is the sexiest part of a men’s body?

Lily: Oh honey. I’m the wrong gal to ask. His money, I suppose, since I’m just not at all interested in men sexually. I’ve never even kissed a boy .

SimplySxy: What is your favourite sex toy?

Lily: My strap-on. I’m good with it, and I know how to give angles and do all the porno positions – picking girls up, pile-drivers, you catch my drift. I like being able to f**k girls really hard, which I can also do with my hands, and I like the athleticism of it. I think a lot of dildo use in porn scenes can be kind of disconnected – less using something to f**k each other and more using it to avoid having to have sex with one’s scene partner – but when I have my strap-on buried in some girl and I’m kissing her at the same time she’s definitely there with me.

Also, a lot of the girls I f**k are kind of straight. My energy is kind of masculine. I’m a creature of the borderlands and a lot of girls who aren’t into girly girls are into me. So the strap-on thing works for me.

SimplySxy: Share with us one secret to spice it up in bed with a lover?

Lily: Let go of your hangups. You have one life, and it’s dumb to be afraid of being honest about what you like and who you are. Just be honest about your desires, both to yourself and to your partners.

Also monogamy is insane. There is so much that you can learn from other people that limiting yourself to one person sexually is just a very silly choice, on the level of deciding to have only one friend. Jealousy is a stupid emotion. It’s so, so stupid. I feel it too, but objectively it’s never brought anything of value, and I know better than to let it rule my life.

SimplySxy: What defines a sexy man according to you?

Lily: I’m going to refer to question 6, and then answer this for woman.

I’ve always said that my type is an energy thing. I f**k a lot of really attractive women (porn star perks, guys, porn star perks…seriously this job is a f**king thrill ride) with a variety of looks. I am not attracted to overweight women – I’ve always had to work hard to keep my own weight down, and it’s something I don’t like about myself, and it’s something that I just can’t cannot connect with erotically – but short of that I’m pretty open-minded.

I’ve had mind-blowing sex with women that I wouldn’t look at a picture of and be aroused by but whose energy turned me on in person. When a girl is into me, and I can feel her desire for me, that’s hot. Or if she’s nervous but ready, that’s hot too. I love butches and femmes and black women and white women – as long as she’s down, and game, and likes herself and likes sex.

SimplySxy: In your opinion, what can a guy do to give a girl a mind-blowing orgasm?

Lily: What sex means to me is rocking my partner’s world. I’m a service top – I’ll run the show, but you’re the star. I’ve never actually had an orgasm from masturbation, but I have had them from being so turned on by my partner’s pleasure or carried away by being connected with her. My sexuality is just profoundly other-focused.

I don’t think that most people operate this way, but if you can channel that it goes a long way. Learn her body. Pay attention to her. The same moves do not work on every girl, although there is sort of a basic set of stuff to choose from. I would say that the key to being a really good f**k is communication, both verbally and intuitively.

I have a leg up on dudes, because I know what the stuff I’m doing to her feels like. I can put my fingers in a girl and have this sense memory of what that feels like to me. I know her spots because I have them too. Yet, everyone is different, and plenty of women like things I don’t like..so you can learn to understand women too. You just need to listen to them with all five of your senses .

SimplySxy: A last message from you to all your fans and the SimplySxy readers?

Lily: I love my fans. I’m not a typical porn star, and I don’t want to be. I’m assertive and opinionated and I don’t do bullshit and I love that my fans support me in expressing my real self. I’m an entertainer, and an entertainer needs an audience. When people tell me that my work has affected them it means a lot to me.

If you like the things I’ve said, and you’d like to see me in action, check out my website LilyCade.com or follow me on twitter at @lily_cade

Images courtesy of Lily Cade

Come back here for tomorrow’s article on Internet and Pornography by Dr Shannon Chavez.

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