The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.

With those 12 words, my life changed. I have been a passionate follower of The Dark Tower series since I was in junior high, when I wrote Stephen King a letter telling him that the books made me believe in magic, describing my grim little hometown in East Texas, offering him Taco Bell coupons for some damn reason and insisting he just HAD to try the drink Orbitz.

A year later, he sent me the publisher’s copy of the newly published Wizard and Glass, inscribed “Dear [Marla], There’s still plenty of magic in the world. Your letter proves it. From a fellow Orbitz junkie, Stephen King. 2/3/98.”

In the following book, Wolves of the Calla, he wrote that Pere Callahan took on a range of odd jobs, including “mucking out horse stalls in Lufkin, Texas.” Yep, that’s the small town I’d described to Mr. King. HE WROTE. MY TOWN. INTO THE SERIES.

I have a small 19 tattooed on my right wrist. I just typed all of the above quotes from memory. I’ve read these books countless times. Believe me when I say: this shit MATTERS to me. So as long as they’ve been discussing an adaptation of The Dark Tower series, I have been terrified. WHAT IF THEY MESS IT UP? How could Hollywood possibly deliver the scope of this breathtaking, sprawling, epic series?

Well, I’ll tell you. Agreeing to develop a movie trilogy and a multi-season television series to be produced simultaneously, thereby revolutionizing entertainment as we know it, is a damned fine start. I’m not sure about Ron Howard–I mean, seriously? Ron Howard? But the man has big plans and this monumental multi-platform format shows a tremendous amount of respect for the source material. I’m just gonna say it. For now…I am THRILLED. Thrilled! However, I reserve the right, if at any point I read news that I find alarming, to revert immediately back to anxious and resentful.

So! Here are my long-touted cast picks! Some of these are new, but most I’ve been emphatically insisting upon for years.

Roland Deschain/Roland of Gilead/The Gunslinger:

Roland is the last surviving gunslinger in a world that has moved on. He’s a hard-assed old romantic who is singularly consumed with his quest to reach the Dark Tower.

Viggo Mortensen: Okay, this is the only one that matters. For me, there is no substitute. I’ve SEEN Viggo in the role for so many years, and I can’t imagine another actor capturing Roland’s rugged brand of poetry. That doesn’t mean another actor couldn’t portray the role, and who knows if Viggo would even want to tackle another epic franchise. He could fear fantasy typecasting after LOTR, but Cronenberg’s always around to offer him a fund of richly diverse characters. And man oh man, would he be perfect.

Eddie Dean:

Eddie’s my FAVORITE. He’s the character in the series whose journey is the most resonant and painful. A wise-cracking ex-junkie with a stout heart, he loses some of his embittered edge upon falling in love with Susannah.

James McAvoy: He’s got the right look and intensity, and he’s an incredibly talented actor. But Eddie reveals a charming goofball inside himself once he relinquishes his demons, and I don’t know if Jimmy Mac can sell goofy. Probably he could.

Shia LaBeouf: Stay with me here. He’s definitely got the goofy thing down, and he’s the only actor I’m considering who actually has Eddie’s hazel eyes. Although he tends to play squeaky clean in movies, he’s actually a grumpy little rebel with a substance abuse problem. But does he have real acting chops? If so, I’ve yet to see them.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt: Now what young, handsome, dark-haired actor out there can play goofy and intense with equal talent and charm? Well how about Mr. I Went From Third Rock From the Sun to Brick JGL! He would be so, so, so great in this role. And I’m madly in love with Eddie, so it works out that I’m already madly in love with Joseph Gordon-Levitt. It helps with the suspension of disbelief. Just go with me on this one.

Detta Walker/Odetta Holmes/Susannah Dean:

Susannah is the strong, flippant, courageous love of Eddie. She’s missing both of her legs and harboring some SERIOUS demons. As in, a whole bucketful of personalities rumbling around in her pretty head. This character will require a tremendous amount of talent and subtlety. Normally I’d argue for an actress who actually needs a wheelchair to be cast in the role, but as Susannah experiences several significant dream sequences wherein she has the use of her legs, that wouldn’t work.

Gina Torres: The moment I saw Gina Torres in the pilot of Joss Whedon’s Firefly, I thought, “That’s Susannah.” She’s got the look, the strength, the talent, the attitude. And she looks good holding a gun! Unfortunately, she’s probably a bit too old now, although Susannah is older than Eddie (in years, not just when you take into account that they are from different times). I can’t help but picture her still, although I can’t really see her paired with any of the above actors.

Zoe Saldana: A LOT of people are pulling for Saldana to take this role, and I get it. I do. She looks right, she’s a bad-ass, and girlfriend can RAISE AN EYEBROW. But can we get some love for other actresses of color out there? Seriously, I love Zoe Saldana, but she’s been in three huge franchises already. It’s time to spread the love. Still, she’d be great.

Naomie Harris: I think Harris could be wonderful in this role. She’s proven she can kick ass (in 28 Days Later), and she uses a very earthy inflection in the Pirates sequels that could translate as Detta. Also she’s an absolute knock-out without looking too delicate, which is key for Susannah.

Jake Chambers:

Jake is an 11-year-old lost in Roland’s world, yet he quickly discovers that he fits in Mid-World far better than he did the Upper East Side. He’s clever, kind, spirited and incredibly loyal to Roland, Eddie and Susannah. He’s sometimes depicted as having blonde hair and sometimes brown, but I always picture him as above. The best bet is some unknown kid actor who can stay young-looking for the next 7 years or so, but in the interest of being comprehensive, I’ll fantasy-cast a few actors who could work if filming started *today*.

Nicholas Elia: 13-year-old Elia played the young Speed in Speed Racer and he played a cool, metal-loving Dean-esque kid in a few eps of Supernatural. He’s charming, adorable and has the requisite perma-youthful face.

Alex Ferris: Ferris is also 13 with a proper solemnly youthful visage. He’s played young Doomsday on Smallville, young Sam on Supernatural and young Henry on Harper’s Island. The kid obviously has a gravitas that contrasts nicely with his chubby cheeks, a perfect combination for the wise-beyond-his-years Jake.

Oy:

The ubiquitous loyal companion, indispensable for any good quest story. Oy is a billy-bumbler, a combination of a badger, weasel and dog with a curly tail, who can repeat short words and syllables. Also, HE IS AMAZING.

My dog Zelda: Her middle name is Oy! She has a curly tail! She’s loyal and brave! We can dye her with stripes, I don’t mind. She’d make a very good Hollywood dog.

I have so many other characters I want to cast: Pere Callahan! John Cullum! Susan! Cuthbert! Alain! Sheemie! Those guys will have to wait for my second installment, though. In the meantime, gunslingers: what do we think? Who are your picks?

Update! Round 2 is up: the allies of the ka-tet!

Update! Round 3 is up: the enemies of the Tower!

Update! Check out my casting call for the upcoming adaptation of Stephen King’s The Stand, too!

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