THE Conservative Party has reassured Britain that the government being propped up by swivel-eyed, religious lunatics is ‘totally fine’.

Ulster’s Democratic Unionist Party was founded in 1971 by the late Ian Paisley while he was stabbing an Action Man he had dressed up as Pope Paul VI.

It is now committed to influencing government policy in a wide range of demented areas.

DUP leader Arlene Foster confirmed the party supported a minority Conservative government on condition that Theresa May stands on a massive orange Bible and denounces Roman Catholicism as ‘Beelzebub’s Travelling Circus’.

She added: “Obviously we’ll also be needing a wee ban on abortion, the gayness, scientists and strong liquor.”

A Downing Street spokesman said: “It’s very important we have a strong and stable government and an orderly Brexit. But don’t worry if it also appears to be completely insane.”