FLORENCE, ITALY—Insisting that she never intended for anyone besides her boyfriend to see the explicit images, Venus, the Roman goddess of love and fertility, was reportedly horrified Tuesday upon browsing the internet and discovering millions of nude pictures of herself. “Oh, my God, someone uploaded all these nudes and now a bunch of pervs are ogling my naked body online,” said Venus, who, according to reports, racked her brain trying to figure out who might want to humiliate her by publicly sharing the enormous cache of graphic images. “What the hell is wrong with people? These are my private paintings! They’re on tons of websites—I’ll never be able to get them all taken down. My vagina is covered, at least, but my boobs are out in a whole bunch of them.” At press time, sources confirmed Venus was looking up revenge porn laws after receiving an incriminating text from her ex, Vulcan.



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