1 A disc of unbreakable metal with a golden shine. The record is crafted from the most blessed orichalc. Hymn of the angels, sure to drive a mortal mad. Your ears start bleeding before your brain starts bleeding.

2 See-through, filled with liquid metal, a deadlier relative to mercury. If the record cracks, the metal seeps out in sliver beads and kills on contact. Auto-tuned baby crying. Not necessarily human. Not necessarily unpleasant. Unnerves animals.

3 Made of elemental phlogiston, complete blackness. Te stars of the night sky are embedded in this very substance. Static that somehow fills your mind with a cacophony of strange tastes and smells.

4 Translucent pink, the coagulated blood of albino demons. Hot to the touch, sizzles when it comes in contact with water. Ethereal infrasound classics. You can almost hear them.

5 The bluest blue color, an ancient, now-lost pigment. There is just nothing bluer than this. The record might be worth a fortune ground up. Changes every time you play it, slowly evolves through playing.

6 Like a circular window to an alien world in a distant corner of the galaxy. The same notes over and over again. After a while it sounds like it changes up and builds upon itself but that’s just a trick that your mind plays on you.

7 About a hundred little fairies are trapped in the clear plastic of the record, like bugs in amber. Chorus of ghastly whispers. Calm of the grave. Your soul slowly evaporates through your skin when you listen to it.

8 Black glass with green and purple shine. Sharp at the edges and fragile if dropped. Unnaturally cold. Sounds from inside a body. Each number concentrates on a specific organ, some you have, others you don’t. You feel like that organ for the duration of the song.

9 Chiseled emerald with a trapiche pattern. The impurities of the crystal concentrate into six bands like the spokes of a wheel, separating the crystal into six segments. If a fractal was recorded, it would sound like this. The music has this infinite quality to it, always offering endless unexplored depths.

10 Hair and nails fused together in a disc shape. Silence. While the record is playing, absolutely no sound can be heard in the room.

11 At first glance it’s like any other record. But it feels weirdly alive. Wiggles a little when you touch it, appears to be breathing, stuff like that. No music. The record starts bleeding where the pin scratches it. A high pitched whimpering, screeching sound can be heard.

12 A slice from a bone of a synthetic giant. The little grooves and lacunae are what you’re playing. Monotonous chanting over cursed drum machines. If you play it beginning to end, it will call a cosmic entity to this world through a portal.

13 A ripple in water frozen solid, in time rather than space, cut into a disc shape. The waves create a playable surface. Your two ears hear different things every time, regardless of the mode of playing. It’s impossible to pay attention to both sounds at the same time.

14 Printed with outlandish optical illusions. If you look at it for too long it will smoothen the ridges and uncurl the folds in your brain. A symphony of solely distressing sounds. Like scratching a chalkboard and the like. If you manage to endure it, a wonderful tranquility overcomes you.

15 The chalky white ashes of a saint pressed into shape. Burns unholy creatures. A brief scream and everyone is pulled from their bodies to another dimension until the remainder of the album.

16 Cut in the shape of a martyr’s hand. The hole in the middle alludes to the nail that the holy man’s hand was tortured with. An endless lo-fi sigh sampled to accompany incomprehensible vocals. Everyone listening is overcome by elemental sadness and starts crying black, oily tears.

17 Tight, fossilized curls of a worm or an ammonite shell. Cut, polished and engraved. Sampling from the genre of Elemental Rock! You are petrified.

18 Small reflective particles are embedded in the disc. As the record rotates, holographic scenes of an occult ritual appear on its surface. Instructions, maybe. Concert performed by the intelligent beasts of a far away jungle. Makes you feel more connected to your bestial side.

19 Circular clay tablet, richly engraved. The grooves are more maze-like than spiral. Heavy. There is a demon sealed in this record. You can hear its pleas for freedom while the record is playing.