I recently read an article in a fashion magazine about "cankles". The magazine wasn't very helpful about what to wear if you have them, but was very prescriptive about their awfulness.

Ann-Marie, Manchester

I bet it was. Fashion magazines tend to take the "Ooh, look at that; no, look away" approach to such matters – by which I mean that they will happily inform you about the awfulness of some part of your physicality that you thought was just part and parcel of being a normal, unairbrushed human being (thin hair, dark under-eye circles). But when it comes to giving practical advice, aside from the generic standby answer to all fashion problems – "buy a Diane von Furstenberg dress" – they fall somewhat short.

I used to think this was because fashion magazines were terribly snobby and, while they could acknowledge ugliness, they couldn't possibly be expected to deal with it. But I've come to realise that I've been unfair. It is not that the magazines are snobby, but that they don't know the answers. Because there are none.

And that's because these things are, as originally suspected, part of a person's normal physicality, and you can no more disguise them than you can your left arm. Sure, you can tuck your arm inside your coat all day, but there will be a suspicious lump on your left side and, more-over, you will feel uncomfortable.

It's a funny thing, this whole generating insecurities side of the fashion industry. Oh, I get why they do it – to make people buy things to make themselves feel better – but it seems a bit weird when few things out there actually work on a practical level.

This was really brought home to me by Oprah Winfrey. Oprah recently did a show in which various "experts" solved women's wardrobe problems in a manner that anyone who has watched Trinny and Susannah would recognise. For example, carrying a cheap canvas rucksack equals bad; carrying a posh handbag equals good. Um, thanks, Marie Antoinette.

But it was when we got to the shoes that I felt particularly enraged. Some woman rocked up, claiming she has "cankles". The "expert" explained to viewers that this was "like a uni-leg" (as opposed to what? – a leg that comes in five parts that you dismantle before bed?). But no, he meant chubby ankles, so that there is apparently no separation between leg and foot. The answer, he said airily, was to wear high heels and high-heeled boots, not the flat shoes the woman had on.

Oh, for the love of Mary! The reason the woman was wearing flat shoes was not because it had never occurred to her that heels existed, but because heels are very uncomfortable. They may as well have said, "Yes, that's a shame about you being poor – why have you not considered being rich?" It's just, well, enraging.

So here is what I say about your cankles, Ann-Marie. They do not exist. They just don't. They are merely some new coinage – probably invented by the women's magazine market as opposed to the fashion industry – to make you feel bad about a perfectly normal part of your body. They are also another invention to convince women that high heels are a good idea when they are, quite clearly, not. Hell, even that well-known chubster Barbie was said to have "cankles" by shoe designer Christian Louboutin, such is the extent of the lunacy here.

But if do you need a little help, why not take some old fashion magazines and wrap them around your cankles like legwarmers, therefore disguising the offensive part of your anatomy? And who said fashion magazines weren't helpful?

Is it ever acceptable to inform a shop assistant that the item of clothing they are trying to sell you is "trashy"?

Natasha, by email

It depends on what country you're in, Natasha. If you're in America, of course, they're all about blunt honesty. If you're in Paris, the sales assistant will look at you as if you're crazy as she certainly wasn't talking to you, let alone helping you. If you are in Italy, they will be delighted, as "trashy" is a compliment of the highest order there. And if you live in the UK, the shop assistant will have a heart attack in shock that you didn't just smile and nod in embarrassment at the attention and then feel obliged to buy the damn thing out of awkward politeness. National stereotypes: as Homer Simpson says, they're funny because they're true.