Within the rich history of low budget horror there shines bright diamonds in the rough. From single location movies such as Night of the Living Dead, The Evil Dead and more recently, The Void to creaky-yet-lovable exploitation flicks such as AIP’s Blacula, cult classics exist due to the ingenuity and creativity of the filmmakers involved. In 1995, Tales from the Hood helped spark a new strand of exploitation cinema, the “Hip Hop Horror”. Since then we’ve been blessed/ cursed with the likes of Urban Menace and Da Hip Hop Witch, which star numerous artists better known for their lyricisms and vocal delivery than their acting ability.

Which brings us to Night of the Unspeakable.

Opening on a protracted opening crawl, I honestly believed I was settling in for a tongue in cheek parody, rather than a serious horror. The words on screen set up a long-winded back story, establishing a convoluted mythology that is entirely unnecessary for what you’re about to witness. In the first ten minutes, there are three (pretty much) full length music and spoken word performances, the quality and delivery of which boarders on cringe-worthy. We then continue to suffer with awful music throughout, which is far scarier than the incubus and succubus on the prowl.

https://vimeo.com/145341977

Essentially, a group of artists and producers are trapped in a recording studio while two demons terrorise, seduce and murder their way through their victims. There’s oodles of poorly handled, fully clothed simulated sex making no mistake that NotU is shot for the male gaze. We get fumbled dialogue, atrocious blocking, focus issues and clipped audio throughout. To their defence, the “actors” never stand a chance with the terrible dialogue they’re given.

As someone who’s seen more than his fair share of super-low budget horror (I’m looking at you Amityville: Death House, Amityville: Playhouse, Amityville: Legacy, Amityville: Exorcism…), I’m used to trying to salvage one or two positives and justify the waste of 70 minutes. At times, the creature makeup is passable but the use of digital effects utterly negates any goodwill built there. Night of the Unspeakable isn’t entertainingly bad like Plan 9 From Outer Space or Troll 2. It’s just plain bad. The worst part is the movie concludes with a “To Be Continued”. Here’s hoping that the cinema gods are merciful and we’re spared a sequel.

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