ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

GILBERT KLOGHEART DOESN’T KNOW how the world could be heating up if the eastern seaboard has just experienced their coldest weather episode in 20 years.

Despite loud and ghastly shouting matches with his adult children, the 59-year-old remains unswayed on the issue of climate change. Even as the scientific facts and evidence began to mount against him, Klogheart would often retort in a vulgar manner by pretending to masturbate while blowing a raspberry.

“It’s all bullshit,” yelled Klogheart.

“You can’t tell me that the world’s fucked because it’s getting too hot, cunt it’s fucking snowing outside. It’s never fucking snowed here before. Forgive me if I’m fucking wrong, but you don’t have to be the smartest cunt in the conga line to know it has to be fucking freezing for it to snow,”

“I mean, God strike me down! I don’t need these scientists feeding me hot cock. Global warming is bullshit.”

The Advocate was contacted by his son, Elias, who wished to shame his father for his backwards attitude towards climate change. We told him not to snitch on his Dad and to move out of his house because even his mother agrees that he’s a layabout leftie.