HARRISBURG, PA—Explaining that the candidate’s recent inflammatory statements had further stoked his uncontrollable fury but hadn’t quite pushed him over the edge, local resident and mentally unhinged man Peter Scheft told reporters Friday he is still waiting for the exact right comment from Trump that will incite him to action. “Donald Trump has definitely said a lot of things that have reinforced my paranoid worldview, but I still haven’t heard that one key phrase that I know will really set me off,” said the psychologically disturbed 45-year-old, who noted that Trump’s remarks over the past 12 months, while increasingly vitriolic and incendiary, have not yet been worded in such a way that speaks directly to his delusional beliefs and spurs him to act on his manic, deep-seated rage. “It might not be tomorrow, or next week, or maybe not even until the debates, but sooner or later Trump is going to utter a perfectly phrased comment that provokes a major reaction from me. It could be a statement comparing all refugees to the 9/11 hijackers, or one that describes liberal judges as enemies of the Constitution bent on removing all our freedoms—regardless, I have complete confidence that between now and Election Day, something he says will just click and set me on an irreversible course of action.” The deeply troubled individual added that if Trump were to ever direct a bitter comment toward women who use Planned Parenthood services, that might be just the ticket.

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