*Disclaimer: Something I’m writing that could hint at Celebrity Worship Syndrome. But it is about unhealthy special interests/obsessions.

This is an unusual situation for me. Kinda. Like all Auties, I have a set of special interests and obsessions that I enjoy. I have them for a few months, enjoy them and move on. Until the next time. And it’s usually fun. It’s usually very calming and peaceful. You learn a lot and more.

But what if you actually reach a point where your special interest/obsession is no longer fun? If the initial joy and peace is replaced with negative feelings? Boredom? Fear? Dread? Paranoia? Groupthink? What do you then? How do you stop that autopilot that can turn into regret?

I’m still trying to figure this stuff out myself. I don’t know if I should even be writing about this, but I still feel like I need to. For some reason…..

“Symptoms”:

It’s the first thing you think about every day. That person, place or thing you’ve grown to dislike or just be bored with is still stuck in your head somehow.

You end up feeling bad about yourself for looking up the information when you didn’t feel that way before.

You spend all day alternating between looking up your SI, closing out pages and opening them back up.

You wonder if you should get that “no going back” type of option on those blocker apps.

You’re just lucky that you don’t have any books or magazines or any other things that can easily be destroyed.

Maybe not? Depends on the SI?

Paper cuts are a bitch .

. You seriously think about smashing or selling your phone and laptop because you can’t trust yourself not to look them up.

You deny your strength.

You constantly hate yourself for “following” them or it.

Because you’re causing yourself pain on accident. You just want to enjoy it like you did before. Have that euphoria.

But will you ever get that again? Is it worth find out?

It is like a relationship. I don’t care how crazy it sounds. It is like a relationship. A once- good relationship that has turned sour.

You have to slowly wean your way off, but eventually, it’ll be replaced by something else. And you’ll be free.

Who knows? Maybe you’ll be able to come back. But maybe you won’t.

But right now, just work on walking away.

Hmm. Can any of you relate? Maybe not? Talk in the comments if so inclined. If not, see you next week.