'I'm not a monster': Letter laid groundwork for murder-suicide

SIOUX FALLS, S.D. – In the summer of 2017, Stephanie Hoover decided that her husband and son had to die, and she would kill herself hours later.

Pushed to the edge by the fear of time in prison, it took the 35-year-old wife and mother less than two months to devise a plan that would stagger the town of Lennox, orphan three children and forever alter the course of many lives.

It was an act that seems too brutal and heart-wrenching to explain. And yet, in a 19-page handwritten letter to her mother, that's exactly what Hoover did, setting the stage for a murder-suicide Sept. 26 in which she shot and killed her husband Rob and 7-year-old son Zachary in their home before turning the handgun on herself.

"He's better off with his momma in heaven where I can take care of him and be at peace," she wrote of Zachary, a second-grader that she described as both a "beautiful soul" but also "a struggle to deal with" due to behavioral issues.

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The letter is carefully written, a document filled with intimate details about the lives of her surviving three children – sons aged 10 and 7 and a 1-year-old daughter. Dentist appointments and bedtime rituals are listed with sports and other activities that could be part of her kids' future in the town of Lennox, a town of about 2,300 residents located 20 miles southwest of Sioux Falls.

The letter is also chilling in its calculation. Stephanie refers to how she considered killing all four of her children to "spare pain to them" in the same dispassionate prose she uses to dictate Netflix recommendations and a recipe for shepherd's pie.

"I owe you an explanation," she tells her mother, Kristi Abbas, in handwriting peppered with exclamation points and an occasional smiley face. "I've done something that I'm so sorry for and so ashamed of, and it has cost me my family and future."

The letter was provided to Argus Leader Media by Bob Hoover, Rob's father, who acquired it and dozens of other related documents during his interactions with authorities over the past seven months.

The Lincoln County murder-suicide is still technically under investigation by state and local authorities, who have cited a "months-long workplace audit" as reason for the lack of information.

In the letter, Stephanie explains that she had been embezzling money from her employer, Southridge Healthcare in Sioux Falls, where she had worked since April of 2013 as an accounts receivable specialist.

She estimates the total theft as $80,000 or more, adding that some of that money helped finance car and camper payments and family vacations. But financial troubles remained.

"I work more and have to pay more day care," she says in the letter. "I work less and don't have enough money."

It was a balance she was never able to figure out, and she struggled through it alone.

"Rob knows nothing about it," Stephanie writes. "I've always paid the bills and managed the account. He had no idea."

When she learned of an audit happening in late September, she was certain that everything was about to unravel and she would spend significant time behind bars, leaving her children to exist without her.

A visit to a lawyer strengthened her belief that she could face up to 15 years in prison on grand theft charges, although her criminal record consisted of only two speeding tickets. (At her minimum estimate of $80,000, South Dakota law's maximum sentence would be 10 years in prison. Had the theft crossed the $100,000 mark, the maximum sentence would be 15 years.)

The letter then details her rationale for killing her husband, a 38-year-old Watertown native who worked as a group home manager at Southeastern Behavioral Health in Sioux Falls.

"Rob can't take care of the kids alone, let alone provide for them," she writes. "They'd lose the house and have nothing."

It's unclear why Stephanie believed her husband was unfit to care for their children alone. The letter does not specify, and friends and family of Rob describe him as a devoted, loving father.

"He cared a lot about kids," said his father, Bob, who lives in Watertown with his wife, Deb. "You aren't the most well-compensated person in the world in that type of job, but he loved it. He loved the kids, and he loved what he did."

Still, Stephanie felt Rob's parenting would not be enough and that her carefully constructed plan needed to be carried out. She urged her parents to soften the blow for the kids that she left behind.

"The kids will be in pain (and so will you) but it WILL get better!" she writes. "It has to! Do NOT let this pain darken the rest of your life and theirs!"

As the letter approaches its end, she returns to the theme of trying to shield her remaining children from the cruel consequences of her murder-suicide plot.

"Please don't let them know what I've done if possible, or try to explain," she writes. "I'm not a monster – I just wanted my kids to be cared for and loved."

In the time between learning of the audit and her final day, Stephanie Hoover "prayed and prayed for a miracle," but her circumstances didn't change.

In the absence of miracles, she settled on a different plan.

She convinced Rob that they should update their wills, establishing that if both of them died, her parents would become trustees, personal representatives and guardians of their children.

On Sept. 21, they had the wills drawn up at a law firm in Lennox.

Two days later, she bought a handgun in Sioux Falls, a purchase that was briefly held up for unknown reasons. An email from Lincoln County Sheriff Dennis Johnson to Bob Hoover speculates that Stephanie was initially unable to supply proof of her current address but returned later that day to make the purchase.

With wills revised and weapon in hand, Stephanie then waited three more days – one day after the audit of her workplace began, according to her letter.

A timeline created by authorities lays out what happened on the fateful morning of Sept. 26.

It began the night before, when Stephanie left her 1-year-old daughter with her parents, saying that she and Rob had to get up early for work.

Just before 8 a.m. the next day, Stephanie texted her mother, asking her to keep an eye on her phone for a text that would be coming.

Earlier: Possible motive being investigated in Lennox murder-suicide

She dropped her oldest son and one of her 7-year-old twins off at school, keeping Zachary at home.

His absence is possibly the reason the school called Stephanie and Rob in quick succession just after 9 a.m. On the second call, Stephanie picked up Rob's cell phone and answered, though the nature of the conversation is unclear.

At 9:45 a.m., Stephanie was seen walking toward her home from the direction of her mother's house, also located in Lennox about a half-mile away.

By then, the most horrific part of her plan had already been carried out, authorities have told Bob Hoover.

Her husband of 11 years was standing at the kitchen counter earlier that morning when she shot him three times, killing him.

Her 7-year-old son was wearing headphones and playing a game on the couch when his mother shot him four times, killing him.

She then filled tote bags with clothes, stuffed animals, school supplies and anything else she thought her remaining children needed, placed them in her van, and left it parked in her parents' driveway.

In addition to the letter to her parents, she wrote separate notes to her brothers and surviving three children, telling her kids that she wrote the letters "in case something happened to us" and that their grandparents will be there to take care of them.

"Remember you are loved," one of the letters ends. "And perfect in every way!"

When she returned from her mother's house, Stephanie left a note for police and sent a lengthy text message to her mother, imploring her to call 911 and not come to the house. Then she shot herself.

The police arrived at the house within seven minutes. Her mother arrived within three.

Bob Hoover still doesn't understand why his son and grandson had to die.

"Saying that (Rob) did not have the parenting skills or the financial capabilities to take care of the kids if she was gone ... it's totally incorrect," he said.

Since Rob was a child, Bob added, he had helped to care for his sister, who had muscular dystrophy and cerebral palsy. He also worked with children as part of his responsibilities at Southeastern Behavioral Health, where he worked for more than 15 years.

The surviving children are currently living with Stephanie's parents in Lennox. The two families have had little contact since the day in September that changed everything.

Seven months after their son's murder, Bob and Deb Hoover have grown tired of the rumors and innuendo regarding his death.

Maybe Rob was spending too much money, some of the speculation goes. Maybe there was spousal abuse involved, or perhaps marital infidelity.

The fact that the story has left the news – meaning rampant social media speculation has faded – has not protected Rob's parents from hearing falsehoods about their son.

Additionally, due to the changes made in the will, they have been unable to access Rob's life insurance money or estate, further adding to the stress of his family as they wait for the investigation to officially conclude.

"I hope for everybody’s sake, especially the families – to close this investigation out and hopefully move on and heal," said Sheriff Johnson. "This audit – I think what that’s going to do is pretty much confirm what we already know."

But wounds and uncertainty linger. Bob and his wife, Deb, had been going to therapy sessions following the shooting. They stopped because of the financial burden of legal fees surrounding Rob's estate and other matters.

"Once I get the last check written for that, then we'll start going back," said Bob.

There are moments of hope, to be sure. Even as far back as October 2017, Deb said that the support of Rob's friends was crucial in the grieving process.

"There are so many people that knew him, and that is what gets us through," she said. "The good memories. The happy stuff that we hold onto."

But none of it compares to sleepless nights when they think back to that September morning in Lennox.

"Every night when you go to bed, you see him," Bob said of his son, "standing there with a blanket over his shoulders, and you see her walk up behind him, and you see her put the gun to his back and pull the trigger. And then she pulls it again, and hits him between the shoulder blades, and then she shoots him in the head."

His voice cracked with emotion before continuing. "And you always hope in a case like this that the shock was there, that he didn't suffer."

The haunting images also involve a grandson whose quiet demeanor didn't prevent him from making a positive impression upon those around him.

"When you look at a 7-year-old being shot four times, it tears your heart out, because it's so cold," Bob said. "It's so cold, so calculated. Just because you didn’t think they made enough money or could take care of kids, or because he had a little behavioral problem, that’s why you have to do that. I can’t fathom it. You don’t sleep.”

As for Stephanie, the words from her letter show traces of remorse alongside her steadfast conviction that she was pursuing the only path she saw left open to her.

"I'm sorry for what this does to you guys," she wrote. "You gave us everything — I had the perfect family, house, everything — and I ruined it all. I pray that you can forgive me."

Argus Leader reporter Danielle Ferguson contributed to this story.