Here's a real quote from a government website on duck-rearing: "Although cannibalism can begin in ducks of any age, ducklings over 4 weeks old are more prone to develop this vice." Okay, I'll just stop things here. I love how they refer to cannibalism as a 'vice.' Like, "Oh yeah, remember that Jeffrey Dahmer? He had quite a vice." A 'vice' is enjoying lottery tickets or eating an extra slice of pie, not eating an extra slice of your roommate. Back to the government advice, "The underlying reasons for birds turning to cannibalism are not known, but it is associated with boredom and is aggravated by overcrowding, lack of ventilation, faulty nutrition." Where to begin. Ducks become cannibals due to boredom. Boredom?! I didn't even know ducks could get bored. It seems kind of a high mental state for their kind. But even so. Boredom?! That's not an excuse. When you get bored, you watch a movie, do some needlepoint or something. Nobody has ever thought, "Damn I'm bored! might as well eat old Howard Delaney." According to the experts, however, that is how ducks think. Oh, and it can aggravated. So boredom is the main reason. But "faulty" nutrition (whatever that is) and a slightly stodgy atmosphere is enough to set them off on a cannibalistic murderfest. It gets worse. "The only known way to stop it is to remove the rim at the front of the bird’s upper bill." That's right: you have to cut off their mouths to make them stop eating each other. Apparently entertaining them somehow--hiring a magician or clown--doesn't work. Y'just have to cut off their mouths.

