Show caption ‘People regard me as remote and eccentric.’ Illustration: Lo Cole/The Guardian My life in sex My life in sex: the autistic gay man ‘I have always had an extreme fear of disease contagion’

Anonymous Fri 1 Jun 2018 10.00 BST Share on Facebook

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I’m a homosexual man in my mid-50s diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome or high-functioning autism. It is common for people with such conditions to distance themselves from the insular stereotype of autism by emphasising that they have friends and partners just like other people. However, I fit the insular stereotype closely.

In formal environments such as higher education and work, I come across as reasonably normal, pleasant, chatty if a bit shy and wary, and unusually sympathetic (albeit in a detached way, as if I were a professional counsellor). Outside work, I am introverted, a creature of habit, mistrustful of people, preferring seclusion and personal autonomy. People regard me as remote and eccentric. A comfortable level of social interaction consists of talking for a couple of hours over dinner, a few times a year, within a small circle of trusted friends. I do not bond emotionally with anyone, including immediate family.

I have always had an extreme fear of disease contagion, and even the thought of casual contact with people’s microbiomes repels me. For these reasons I have never wanted intimate relationships. I see my sexuality as a biological urge with no relevance or value in relation to the rest of my life, best extirpated in the least risky, least effortful manner; solitary masturbation, one to three times a day.

The aspiration for love and sex is not universal. Nor is it exclusively people with a low sex drive who choose a solitary life.