“Why do we even have to play his game?”

How do you deal with the impact of creeps?

This is a hard episode for me to write about, and not just because it’s a tough subject. Beach City Drift is very much about the aftermath of public sexual harassment, the likes of which I as a cis hetero dude have never and likely will never endure. I’ve got way too many stories from family and friends about getting creeped on, and social media has allowed the stories of strangers to spread as well, and I live in New York City so creeps aren’t a shocking thing to see, particularly in public transit. But it would be garbage for me to pretend any of that means I know what it’s like to feel the brunt of it.

I can only relate to the more general sensation of righteous but powerless anger that I have experienced, and it’s telling that my reaction is historically closer to Steven’s than Connie’s. Steven Universe defies gender stereotypes left and right, but it’s wise to not throw the baby out with the bathwater and pretend that we don’t live in a gendered society that conditions certain behavioral differences. Steven is more comfortable loudly expressing his rage than Connie, who’s just as mad but far quieter about it, because society doesn’t like it when girls or women are openly angry.

What’s even more unfortunate is that if Connie were a real girl of thirteen, she would in all likelihood be familiar with creeps already. And she likely would have already learned to some degree that the world isn’t gonna help her much with creeps, leaving a bitter sense of acceptance that creeps aren’t going anywhere; it’s hard to get as worked up as Steven when it’s not a novel experience. This is something that plenty of readers already know (and I’m sure they’re thrilled to finally hear a grown man explaining sexual harassment: you’re welcome, ladies!), but my point is this is something I had to actively learn about later in life because I was born in the type of body that’s way less likely to be creeped on, and is nearly never creeped on publicly. So yeah, this is a hard episode for me to write about.

In lieu of pretending I’m able to fully relate to Stevonnie, I’ll say that allies should look to Greg for guidance. It warms my soul to see his simple, direct reaction to his son’s outburst after learning about how Kevin treated Stevonnie in Alone Together. He doesn’t question the account, or even pry, but instead implicitly lets his kid off the hook by admitting didn’t know the context, then explicitly expresses sympathy. No huge showy sentiments that overwhelm and overshadow Stevonnie’s story, no one-upsmanship or attempt to relate to something he hasn’t experienced, no assurance that he would’ve done something if he was there, just a quick but sincere “I’m really sorry” that conveys absolute trust and alliance. It’s not about Greg, and Greg doesn’t try to make it about Greg. Be like Greg.

I wouldn’t suggest following it up with Greg’s advice unless the person telling you their story is your child: paternal advice becomes patronizing advice when you don’t have that kind of relationship. It’s the most frustrating kind of advice, the kind that’s correct but nearly impossible to follow. Yeah, the best course of action is to not let bygone creeps have power over you by obsessing over them, but you can’t outlogic an emotional reaction to a horrible person. Greg’s routine of just saying what an episode’s lesson is doesn’t mean it’s that simple for Steven, Connie, and Stevonnie to learn it.

Fortunately for everyone, they learn it by street racing, because surprise this is a Fast and the Furious episode. Complete with the absurd ability for people in different cars to talk to each other in normal speaking voices without phones.

It’s been 52 episodes since our last major Stevonnie appearance (while important, their We Need to Talk appearance was just a cameo), which remains the character’s longest gap from the spotlight; for context, there were only 37 episodes between the series premiere and Alone Together. So I love that their return is not only fueled by a plot that understands the gravity of Kevin’s shittiness, but takes advantage of Steven and Connie getting older and dealing with older kid issues, and uses Stevonnie to tell a story involving older kid activities like driving. Would I have liked to see them racing with Greg’s van? Of course. But no episode is perfect.

The race is preceded by a nice one-two punch of characterization from Kevin: he’s won every race so far, and nobody’s happy about it because he’s not so much a tool as a whole toolbox. Remember, part of the lesson here for growing kids is to not act like Kevin, so it’s crucial to show time and again that despite his various skills he’s universally reviled by our cast for his behavior.

The townie teens are rooting for Stevonnie, but Jenny and Ronaldo are the only ones who talk; it’d be nice to see more, but we’re on a tight schedule and they’re not the focus, so I’m glad Zuke’n’Florido picked the two best teens for the job. Jenny’s the only Cool Kid we’ve seen drive, and she’s a rebel with stress to burn, so it makes sense that she gets more attention. This allows her a great little moment during the race where her instinct is to help Stevonnie when their car stops: just like when she jumps between Garnet’s fist and Steven’s pod in Joy Ride, she shows a lot of heart for a self-described “evil twin.” And Ronaldo, on top of providing geeky self-important exposition about Stevonnie’s car, helps put Kevin in perspective: Ronnie’s an annoying character, but next to such a monstrous douche he’s practically a saint.

The race itself would be nonstop goofy fun if not for the underlying context, so instead its madcap drifting helps soften an otherwise tense situation, and puts Kevin and Stevonnie at a safe distance as they talk. I’m into Stevonnie losing their cool before the race even starts, but trying to make sense of Kevin’s behavior after the initial rage simmers down: anger might be driving their actions, but they aren’t completely blinded by it. And it of course leads to the terrific bait-and-switch of Kevin’s fictional sick brother, which simultaneously shows Stevonnie’s ability to extend sympathy and Kevin’s refreshing lack of origin story.

It’s a slippery slope to assign fixed moral alignment based on behavior, so I’m not gonna say something as black and white as “some people are just good and some people are just bad,” but I am fine saying “some people are just assholes.” Not every jerk has a concrete impetus for their behavior. Sure, it’s likely due to how they were raised in some way, but some jerks are jerks because they enjoy being jerks. Kevin’s a troll, and while it’s important to try and reach out and communicate when you think you can reach someone, it’s also important for kids to realize that some people are better off ignored. Fighting isn’t the answer, but brushing someone off isn’t fighting.

Stevonnie’s realization that they are obsessed comes in the best possible format: an inner dialogue that’s able to be expressed externally because Steven and Connie are both Stevonnie. It’s up to us as individuals to decide how we’re going to react to toxicity, so while Greg having their back is important, this is something Steven and Connie have to figure out on their own. There’s no doubt in my mind that AJ Michalka could pull off such a conversation by herself, but it’s elegant to see Stevonnie contemplate their actions by splitting them into their two halves to hash things out. It’s not an easy conversation, but when it’s over, Stevonnie is finally at peace.

It’s perhaps a little neat that they’re only able to “get” Kevin by letting the conflict go, passing on the obsession baton. But it’s not unrealistic for a troll to get worked up over someone not playing their game, and it’s so damn satisfying that I don’t really care how on the nose it is. Stevonnie’s real reward is enjoying their evening without letting Kevin taint it, but making the dirtbag mad is a nice bonus for those of us with a little more trouble quelling our vindictive streaks.

If it wasn’t clear, I love the whole thing. That a thoughtful episode about the aftermath of harassment happens to be great even beyond this message puts Beach City Drift pretty high up there on my list. There are so many beautiful details that enhance an otherwise strong story. I love that Connie’s wearing the jacket Doug wore to Fusion Cuisine, and that it’s incorporated into Stevonnie’s new look. I love that magic is so ingrained in this society that Kevin, for all his faults, is completely matter-of-fact when remembering that Stevonnie is made of two kids mystically fused together. I love that this is our third episode in a row where Greg has been wealthy and it’s still only used to grease the wheels of the plot; it’s important enough to mention, but not important enough to change the direction of the series. And I love that Greg’s description of the time before Steven and Connie were alive amounts to frosted tips, mood rings, and slap bracelets.

Like Alone Together, this episode pioneered content that virtually no other kid’s show had explored, because it’s hard to talk about the truly shitty things that too many kids go through. It’s terrible that kids have to deal with creeps, but children’s media is devoid of stories about it, largely because it makes adults really uncomfortable. And it should make adults uncomfortable, it’s a really uncomfortable subject, but that’s all the more reason to give kids tools to help them with it. Kids aren’t dumb, and they’re growing up faster than ever in the technological age (god I sound old), so thank goodness for shows like Steven Universe that actually take kids seriously.



Future Vision!

Unless I’m mistaken, this is the first time we see the ticket clerk from Lion 2 since, well, Lion 2 . In just one episode, we’ll find out why she was hanging out with Ronaldo et al.

since, well, . In just one episode, we’ll find out why she was hanging out with Ronaldo et al. Florido’n’Zuke aren’t done putting the Dondai to work: Pearl will be racing against the fuzz soon (but not soon enough) in Last Stop Out of Beach City.

I’ve never been to this…how do you say…school?



The main promo image, and one of my favorites. Yes, Steven and Connie shouldn’t be in the same picture of Stevonnie, but don’t let that distract you from the fact that Ronaldo and Lapis are hanging out in this alt universe. I’d like to think he lets her borrow his scooter sometimes.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

I mean yeah, not a shocker that this makes my top fifteen.

Top Fifteen

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5. Horror Club

4. Fusion Cuisine

3. House Guest

2. Sadie’s Song

1. Island Adventure