And now for something completely different: In the spirit of The Robot’s Voice’s Fancition Fridays, Welcome to WTF Wattpad, where a couple of lucky What’s A Geek writers get to read and live through a form of torture called Wattpad. For our first installment of WTF Wattpad, our Social Media Head (Hi, Ade!) sifted through the bowels of the beast and found us a glorious piece of work to read and share with everyone.

It’s called Raped and Got Pregnant By A Vampire Prince.

Read it with us if you want.

RJ: GOD DAMMIT, ADE. WHY MUST YOU SUBJECT US TO SUFFERING? This is the best worst idea you’ve had in years. This is gonna be GREAT!

Pam: The title alone might be enough to slay a million Tumblrinas, WHILE simultaneously dampening the panties of the darker side of the Internet. Just in case you weren’t sure that this is the kind of story that you’re looking for, though, check the cover out.

Pam: Oh, and the summary is absolutely riveting.

Summary: “He wanted me when he knew I’m a virgin. He got me pregnant, I didn’t tell him. I was afraid that he doesn’t want a baby so I kept it to myself.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After six years, Julienne returns home with her babies named Jaze and Sofia. Yes, she have twins.

what if one day, he shows up, tells her he regretted what he did ? will her life become a happy ending? or will become worse when someone takes her twins?

Pam: Allergy to proper capitalization? Check. A Great Need to state the obvious several times in less than 100 words? Check. We’re looking at a bonafide Wattpad Classic, folks.

RJ: A rapey Prince in the Philippines, a girl with Stockholm Syndrome, and a butler named Mr. Butler. Only the sickest of perverts would enjoy this.

Khan: Isn’t julienne a food preparation method?

Ade: So Julienne, the heroine of this tale, has been hired by Prince Lawrence as his personal assistant. She goes to live in his castle, because a vampire prince who lives in a castle located in the Philippines is perfectly plausible. She’s also a virgin. How do I know? Because Prince Lawrence asks her that within minutes of meeting her:

“So, this will be your room. Nasa walk-in closet na ang mga gamit mo, pinabilhan na rin kita ng bagong mga gamit. Magkatabi lang ang kwarto natin para madali kitang mahanap…”-he paused and looked down at me because obviously, I’m shorter than him.

“…are you still a virgin? “-he asked out of nowhere.

I immediately snapped my head looking at him sa gulat at bigla sa kanyang tanong but I managed to answer.

Ade: I’m totally awkward around people, but I’m pretty sure “are you a virgin?” is not something you ask people the first time you meet them.

Pam: It is in WattpandLand.

RJ: Virginity status should be listed on everyone’s resume if you ask me. That way, there wouldn’t be awkward situations like this. Just a checkbox you can tick.

Pam: Just got one thing to say after hitting Chapter Two: it is daylight, why isn’t our “maka-anghel” Sir Lawrence burning.

Ade: Maybe he… he sparkles? I don’t know. We’re putting in more thought into this than the author ever did.

Rika: I can’t see how this can get any worse.

Ade: Well, we get to this rape scene that is – I shit you not – prefaced with a warning:

(Warning: this part is not suitable for children under 13 years old. Just kidding 😀 Actually, this part has a little teeny weeny bit of a BED SCENE (BS) )

Rika: One thing she got right though: that bed scene is BS. As in, bullshit.

Ade: Girl, why the disclaimer? When you name your story Raped and Got Pregnant By A Vampire Prince, I’m sure we all know what to expec-

“Lawrence! Anong gagawin mo?!”-natataranta kong tanong sa kanya and I tightened my grip on the towel that is wrapped around me or else, he will surely be looking at my nakedness by now.

“If I tell you, will you let me do it?”-he asked with a playful grin.

At dahil hindi naman ako tanga.. I reacted because I already know what he means. I slapped him hard at nabitawan niya ako sa gulat. I took it as an advantage at agad na tumakbo palabas ng closet. I was about to get out of the room when I felt my self being pinned on my own bed with Lawrence above me.

“You shouldn’t have done that, my love.”-he told me and pinned my hands above my head. He started kissing me aggressively and pulled the towel off my body. I started to kick him off me when he grabbed my breast and sucked it hard making me moan unexpectedly.

“Lawrence… please… stop. I’m sorry… fire me if you want but please, don’t do this.”-I begged and cried.

“I love it when you beg, my love.”-he said and smirked at me. Bigla niyang hinalikan ang leeg ko and not for long, I flinched in pain. He sank his fangs in my neck! I can feel my blood slowly drip out of the juncture but he just licked it off.

“You’ll love this part, my love.”-he grinned at me. I saw him get undressed while I just laid there and can’t move. He positioned himself above me.

This is it. I’m losing my virginity.-I thought as tears started to race down my cheeks. Then, he thrusted hard into me making me scream in pain, but after many thrust, I can’t feel pain anymore but pleasure.

Ade: … on second thought, the warning was a good thing.

Rika: I just felt my IQ drop. Ow.

Ade: The worst part, for me, is that chapter 2, the chapter dedicated to the rape of Julienne, is titled “My Love.”

Pam:

Agad akong tumakbo papasok sa banyo and believe me, I’ve been vomiting 2 times from now at isa lang ang duda ko. I’m pregnant. Dali-dali akong nagbihis at bumaba sa kwarto nang may nagsalita sa likuran ko.

“Miss Hale. Saan kayo pupunta? Sabi ng butler at napatitig siya sa tiyan ko.

“Miss Hale? Your pregnant. “-he said in amazement.

Sabi ko na nga ba eh.-I thought hoping na hindi niya maamoy kung sino ang ama ng baby ko.

Hindi agad ako kumibo nang marinig kong buntis ako. If your thinking kung bakit nalaman ni Mr. Butler ang sitwasyon ko, well, isa siyang bampira and as far as I know, naririnig niya ang heartbeat sa loob ng sinapupunan ko.

“Si prince Lawrence ang ama?”-gulat niyang tanong.

Pam: *You’re. AND FOR THE RECORD, YOU DON’T HAVE TO KEEP USING “-” THANK YOU.

Ade: Is the butler really named Mr. Butler?

Rika: Her pregnant what? Also, it’s only been three days and she’s showing signs of late-Term 1 pregnancy. How? Magical Vampire Pregnancy?

Pam: And I’m still wondering why he hasn’t burned, while being boggled over she got preggers on dead man’s cum – or how he was even able to spill in the first place.

Rika: MAGICAL VAMPIRE PENIS WITH MAGICAL VAMPIRE SEMEN. GLORY TO THE UNDEAD. PRAISE BE TO THE LICH KING.

Ade: THANK MR SKELTAL

RJ: I am 3 chapters deep and I already regret doing this. DAMMIT, ADE!

Ade: So Julienne decides to confront Prince Lawrence and inform him of her 3-day pregnancy. She goes to his office and then:

I breathed calming my nerves. Ninenerbiyos na ako. Ano kaya ang magiging reaksyon niya sa sasabihin ko?

For the last time, I breathed deep and slowly opened his office door. . . .

And to my surprise…

He was kissing a woman passionately while she’s sitting on his lap. A little part of me was disgusted at the sight thinking na may nangyari na sa amin tapos may iba na naman siyang kahalikan. Pero ang malaking bahagi ko ay nasasaktan sa pag-iisip na ginahasa niya ako at ngayon, dala-dala ko ang anak niya sa sinapupunan ko na buong puso kong tinanggap.

Hindi ko napansing unti-unti na palang tumutulo ang mga luha ko. Dahan-dahan kong isinara ang pinto at bumalik sa kwarto ko. I promised myself that I WILL ACCEPT WHATEVER HAPPENS.

Ade: We’ll leave you with that wonderfully-written piece of prose for now. Next week: A failed heiress! A public confrontation! Twins! Some dude named Justin!

What happens next? What is Juilenne going to do with her discovery? Why does Prince Lawrence have a butler named Mr. Butler? Will the What’s a Geek team develop a debilitating drinking problem? Let’s find out next week in the next WTF Wattpad!

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Ade Magnaye



Check out his blog at Ade is a bassist who blogs way too much about Doctor Who and Batman.Check out his blog at Noisy Noisy Man and follow him on Twitter: @AdeMagnaye

Rika Sioson Just a frog and a mage who happens to play tabletop roleplaying games and video games. She also loves reading books, comics, manga, graphic novels, and watching American and Japanese TV series. Eating is her favorite hobby, after sleeping.

Pam Punzalan 29, female, not in Narnia about anything. Games, teaches, writes, reads, flails, smokes, occasionally drinks, loves cats. Answers to Kae, Pamela, Pam, Pam-Pam, Pammy, Pammeth. Pamera, and Pammu. Also part of the admin team of Girls Got Game, over at http://girlsgotgame.org/!

cantseeshit Bad eyesight. ADHD.



If the website is down, it's probably his fault.