Unsubstantiated sources allege Dacre is comfortably the vilest hate-peddling shitweasel in the UK.

Feel free to tell us if you disagree with these allegations. But we ask, who are we to question the conclusions? Consider who else the sources could have picked?

Theresa May? Oh behave. Whilst some sections of the left are calling for a Day of Rage because they are too young to realise a day of rave would be a far better protest, the assertion that May is some kind of malevolent genius just doesn’t stand up. Rather, she is the simple manifestation of the dearth of talent in our political classes, an utterly inconsequential figure who rose to the top thanks to the Peter Principle, left holding the crown like some minor character in a Tarantino film after everyone else has blasted each other to bits. Why is there a dearth of talent? The media. Vote Dacre.

Biffers? You think the Biffers are worse? Well the Herald didn’t secure an interview with Jayda, so she definitely didn’t say “Come on mate, don’t be silly. Paul and I don’t believe this stuff, it’s horrendous. I mean come on, I’m Dutch. No, we cooked this one up as a way to get thick lads to give us donations so we can buy amphetamines and Strongbow Dark Fruits. How else am I going to make this kind of money?”

Farage? No. Golf club drunken uncle racist. As long as you aren’t stupid enough to let him drive you home, or close enough for him to try and grab your tits, he’s essentially irrelevant. Much like the Biffers, he’s convinced dim bulbs to vote him onto a European gravy train whilst ensuring he didn’t have to do any work by claiming he’s only there to slag it off. Essentially UKIP are the Sinn Fein of European Politics.

What about hate preacher Tommy Robinson? No. Discount him immediately. Listening to him on Good Morning Britain, you can’t help be struck by how much he sounds like that which he condemns. A tapped man, ranting away, he sounds like he is about to burn a poppy on Remembrance Day. Like his heroes Abu this that and the other, he’s assumed a new name once he started his hate preaching. One look at the by-line for this article will tell you people with fake names chat shit and should be ignored.

The other hate preacher Katie Hopkins? She’s a mere tool of the Dacre. She works for him, she is the monkey dancing to his organ grinding over pictures of dead refugee children and you have to remember, when it comes to who you hate more, Dacre hired Hopkins, and didn’t fire her when even LBC balked.

So, we’re left with the Editor of alleged newspaper the Daily Mail. A veiny, disgorged, flaccid cockgoblin, our source alleged, who used his multi-million pound salary to buy a Scottish estate and apply for subsidies from the European Union.

Whilst Hopkins may feel put out at being a mere monkey to the organ grinding master of the victim shaming shitrag, there is of course another organ grinder behind even Dacre.

Accordingly it is thought Dacre only wins the UK title on account of Jonathan Harmsworth, 4th Viscount Rothermere, who inherited the newspaper and media empire founded by his great-grandfather, the Nazi supporter, Harold Sidney Harmsworth, because that alleged human being claims, falsely if you believe Private Eye, to be non-domiciled in order to save several millions of pounds of tax annually.

So you have Viscount Rothermere to thank for the title Dacre. You spunk trumpet.