We had some lifestyle friends over the other night. They asked us a question that went something like this, “We have a question for you, because we have only one couple who does. Do you like anal sex? We just don’t get it.” My husband’s response, “Well, now you know two couples.”

I don’t think I gave them a good answer because I was surprised by the question. I figure your average vanilla couple may not be adventurous enough to explore anal sex, but I figured most lifestyle couples had. For us, it has become a part of our sexual repertoire. An increasingly fun part I might add. But in hindsight, I guess we have only come to really enjoy ass sex in the past couple of years. So, here is my sales pitch.

A word about terminology. I have to say the word anal is totally not sexy. Nothing about it sounds good. But if my husband asks, “Would you like me to fuck you in the ass?” My answer will be, “Yes please.” So, for simplicity’s sake here, I will use the term “ass sex” instead of “anal sex” just to keep the vibe a wee bit sexy, for me if no one else.

It’s important to consider why enjoy ass sex in the first place. I should have done a better job with the sales pitch when talking to our friends. We do because it is naughty and hot. The extra naughty factor makes a difference. It feels edgy. For us it still requires a bit of extra care and attention. It is a bit extra wild. That turns me on.

I also find that it makes a nice dessert to a main course of vaginal sex. If we are fucking for a long period of time. Or if we are fucking a lot over the course or a day or two, it provides variety. It’s a whole different set of sensations and orgasms. We keep getting better at it and it’s more fun and enjoyable each time.

Once the interest is there, ass sex has technical issues that need to be overcome. We only have ass sex with a condom. For sanitary reasons but also because we can switch back and forth with vaginal sex as we please if we use a condom. And of course lube. Lots of lube.

The main technical issue is one of dilation. I have read lots of suggestions of using a toy—an anal dildo, beads, a butt plug and similar items to practice and perhaps to begin to open up the area. Not a bad idea.

I think the main difference with ass sex is that it is counter intuitive. For me, vaginal sex is better the more I clench and tighten. For anal sex, it is better the more I relax and let go. Much like labor, to be honest. That mental shift is critical to enjoying ass sex. Relaxed and open, not clenched and tight.

We don’t use toys first anymore, but as the woman I have to be fully in charge of the insertion process. I hold the cock in my hand and guide it in myself. Doggie style is the easiest position for insertion, at least it is for us. During the process, I insert his cock just enough to feel a stretch. I pause. I wait. I breathe. I don’t allow further penetration until I can tell that I have opened up further. Then I push his cock in further. We pause. I breathe. I allow more. This process is important for me. Mr. D. has a huge cock. He can’t tell when I’m ready. If I allow even one thrust too soon, I bleed and I’m sore for a few days. Nothing drastic, but there’s nothing sexy about it either.

Once I am fully open, I let go literally and figuratively and get ready for the ride. The deeper the better. The harder, the more pleasurable. But that’s just my preference.