BOONVILLE, MO—Noting that his 28-year-old relative was apparently comfortable making his predilections known to the world at large, local account executive Conner Burke observed Wednesday that his cousin Bradley was “going all-in” on retweeting porn stars over the last few months. “When I started following him on Twitter, I was immediately assaulted by all these images in which women named Brandy or Kaitlyn are making sexy, pouting faces while wearing skimpy, I don’t know, bikinis and so on. It’s almost always captioned with something like ‘xoxo hunnys’ or ‘hope you like my new top, oops, teehee,’ and he retweets a bunch of them at once,” said Burke, who initially considered that maybe his relative was hacked before noticing that Bradley follows 158 different pornography accounts, exclusively “likes” posts with nude or lingerie-clad women in them, and has commented “beautiful” or something similar on thousands of their selfies. “Jesus, what if his boss sees him responding to a LilMissSally post captioned ‘Thinking of you…’ by tweeting ‘u 2 sweetie?’ Does he know how this works? He knows this is public, right? Even worse, it’s starting to seem like half of his account is dedicated to sharing SthrnBelle2358’s photos, and I’m pretty sure that one’s a bot because all her bio says is ‘hi Gorgeous- i am in your town’ and her tweets all link to some site called CamWorldXXX.” Burke has decided to stop following Bradley altogether after discovering a February post in which his cousin asked a porn star to meet in person.

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