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Prime Minister Scott Morrison has told Australians that we can all relax today, after building an understanding between his government and 99.9% of the world’s scientists urging our country to acknowledge the Climate Change emergency.

This comes after Morrison told the UN that critics “willingly overlook or ignore” Australia’s work on climate change, simply because of how much coal we continue to dig up and sell to India to burn at

“Australia is doing our bit on climate change and we reject any suggestion to the contrary.”

The PM also fired shots at both alarmist scientists and terrified younger people like Greta Thunberg. Morrison said “we should let our kids be kids” and stop subjecting them to ‘needless anxiety’ – unless of course we are talking about Muslims or trans people.

“Australia is doing our bit on climate change and we reject any suggestion to the contrary.” he said.

“Like, yeah, we believe in it… Now. So that’s a start”

These comments have been well-received by the underfunded scientists currently attempting to save the Great Barrier Reef and the out-of-control wildfires sweeping across the globe.

“This is such good news” said one scientist, Albert Hawking, from the CSIRO.

“I didn’t know how that Australia was working so hard to combat all this shit that is being caused by unbridled mining companies who don’t pay tax”

As Albert points out, simply knowing that Australia is throwing 1% of the money as they threw at the failed NBN to tackle climate change, has allowed scientists to focus on things that matter.

“Finally, we can do studies into the South Sudanese teenagers cutting around Melbourne’s late night basketball courts wearing sportswear”

“This is the greatest threat faced by Australian humanity in our time. The gotdam African gangs.”

“It’s good to finally get some funding as well to tackle this. I think it came out of the election campaign kitty”