It seems a spanking-new film called ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ is set to hit cinemas this week.

Innocent sorts that we are, we have no idea the plot or subject matter of this film. But, judging by the poster at least, it seems to revolve around a young lady who has unfortunately got her hands trapped in the flush chain of a particularly lofty toilet cistern, and a man making a poor effort to free her.



Quite why this should make for such an anticipated film is beyond us. Presumably you lot are just a bunch of masochists.

In any case, in honour of the film premiere, we decided to revive our own version of 50 Shades of Grey. It’s a deeply exciting mystery tour into the great depths of seduction and monochrome paint tones.



We hope you enjoy it.