The Indianapolis Colts need a bevvy of things to fall their way in week 17 if they want to win the AFC South.

You like that headline? See it served two purposes, it’s your basic Andrew Luck pun, but also serves as the basis for the article to follow. Aren’t words great?

Anyway, the Colts are still in the hunt for the AFC South this Sunday, but they need a lot of games to fall in their favor. The odds of the Colts actually making the playoffs are slim, and you’ll learn this as we go through all of the things that need to happen. Nothing is impossible, but if this plays out in the Colts favor it will be nothing short of a miracle.

Before I run down the scenarios, I’d like to thank the Denver Broncos for winning last night. See, if the Broncos would have lost, the Colts would have been eliminated. So thank you Broncos, without you this article would not be in existence!

Alright let’s run through everything that has to happen this Sunday. Let’s take it step by step:

Step 1: Colts beat Titans

Obviously, the Colts have to win, and bring their record to 8-8 to even have a shot. Lucky for them they get a favorable match-up against Tennessee. Even with a cloudy quarterback situation going into Sunday, the Colts should be favored to win. I’d like to think the Colts will do their part and beat the Titans.

Step 2: Jaguars beat Texans

Again, obviously, the Texans will have to lose in order for the Colts to have a shot. The Texans haven’t played the Jaguars since the middle of October. Jacksonville has become a decent team, and this was showcased when they embarrassed the Colts a few weeks ago. Sorry, I’m thinking about Brandon Weeden leading a team into the playoffs, and I think I’m going to vomit.

Step 3: Bills beat Jets

These games are based on the strength of victory tiebreaker. The Colts lost to both the Bills and the Jets, and the Texans beat the Jets and lost to the Bills. The Jets need to win this game in order to get a AFC Wild Card spot, so they’ll be playing for keeps. Hopefully, the Bills will play as if they have nothing to lose.

Step 4: Dolphins beat Patriots

The Colts beat the Dolphins, but lost to the Patriots, and Houston lost to both of these teams. I mean, New England does have a playoff birth clinched. However, knowing the Patriots, they’ll beat the Dolphins by 50 just to rub the Colts nose in it. Who knows though, maybe the Dolphins have something left, but probably not.

Step 5: Falcons beat Saints

The Colts beat the Falcons, but lost to the Saints, and the Texans split between those two teams. This game has no implications, but the Falcons did beat the Panthers last week. It’s not totally out of the question for the Falcons to win.

Step 6: Ravens beat Bengals

The Bengals have a playoff spot locked. They could rest their starters, or they could shoot for the number one seed. Honestly, the Bengals could opt for the former, as they looked gassed in Denver last night. If that happens, Baltimore could win, they did beat the Steelers last week.

Step 7: Broncos beat Chargers

The Broncos do have a playoff berth clinched, but they could go for the one seed. Think they’ll go the former route, especially against a very below average San Diego team. I’m confident in saying the Broncos will win this one.

Step 8: Raiders beat Chiefs

The Chiefs are arguably the hottest team in the NFL right now. However, the Raiders are an upstart, scrappy team, and they could win. On the other hand, they are the Raiders, so who knows what will happen.

Step 9: Steelers beat Browns

Although the Steelers looked terrible last week against Baltimore they are in a must win situation as well. The Browns, are, well, the Browns, so I’d like to think the Steelers will win.

Yes, you are reading all of this correctly, the Colts need nine games to go their way on Sunday to win the AFC South. The probability of this actually happening has to be unbelievably slim. However, I have seen some wild things happen in sports.

Right now, would also be an opportune time for Andrew Luck to make his return. It’d give the Colts a much higher chance of beating Tennessee, which needs to happen.

It’s a long shot, but as Kevin Garnett would say…