NSFW We know how you lot like your scientific analysis: adequately researched, well-balanced and backed with solid evidence.

You'll doubtless enjoy this piece down at Pravda, then, which confirms what the nutritionally-savvy among us have known all along: that vegetarianism isn't actually an informed lifestyle choice, but rather a "perversion of nature" pursued by protein-starved fanatics whose self-deception will surely drive them to an early grave.

Pravda lays out its stall thus:

Vegetarians can be referred to as true fanatics. On the other hand, they are seriously misled in their beliefs. Practically nobody argues with them, since it is really difficult to convince a vegetarian of his or her self-deception. Maybe that is the reason why the vegetarian movement develops so actively around the globe and continues to recruit many new members.

Yes, vegetarianism is sort of like the Church of Scientology, and no messing. But here's why it'll kill you in the end:

To produce a cell is not an easy process for the human body. Being a parent to all cells, a human being is supposed to be responsible for all of them. The human body is unable to generate all substances necessary for the production of cells. It has only 12 or 20 protein amino acids required for the process. The remaining chemicals are supposed to be delivered with food. Each and every human cell is supposed to be supplied with first class animal protein.

The proof? Ah yes...

Some may say that there is enough protein in vegetables (beans, for example). True, but recent studies show that vegetable protein can be digested only with the help of its animal analogue. The human body has its own preferences, by the way. Experts proved that our body requires and assimilates the following substances as construction materials: Egg white – 100%

Soured milk – 90%

Fresh milk – 83%

Beef – 76%

Cottage cheese – 75%

Compare this data with that concerning vegetable protein: Wheat bread – 52% This is the main reason why dietitians recommend to consume 60 percent of animal protein and 40 percent of vegetable analogue from the daily ration.

Yup, we're convinced. Feel free to knock up a quick bacon sarnie before reading the next bit, in which Pravda really gets into its stride.