I was getting ready to go out to a meeting. I had never met these people but was excited about going. I happened to be feeling great and decided that even though I could be dressed fairly casually, I wanted to be a little more on the elegant side that day. So I got myself dressed and decided to put on a fun shoe with a bit of a heel that was still casual enough. This is a relatively new pair of shoes and there was an issue with the shoe that I resolved with some little pads that you put in the shoe. Of course, when I’d tried the shoes on in the store, they were fabulous. But after wearing them a couple of times, I decided that the bottom of the shoe was a bit on the hard side and so my feet got tired fast. I figured some of these swanky little shoe pads that are designed to resolve that exact problem would do the trick. The first time out with my new shoe pads, those pads fell right out of the open toed shoes. The glue on them just wasn’t effective enough. I’d reported this problem to a friend of mine who told me she had just the stuff to solve the problem. I was totally confident in her ability to solve the problem, after all, she has about as many pairs of shoes as Imelda Marcos. She came over with some extremely heavy duty double-sided tape. We fixed up those pads and re-attached them to the shoes. I felt confident about her solution because she told me that nothing comes apart with that tape. Nothing!!

This was my first time out with my newly padded shoes with the double-sided tape solution. After a fantastic drive into the city with the music blaring, I find the perfect parking spot, walk down a couple of streets and I head into the offices of the company I was going in to meet with. I had no idea what to expect really but as it turned out, the entire meeting consisted of speaking with several different people, one after the next. The whole time we were always standing. I was still standing in the hallway when I spoke with the first person. There were lots of people walking by. Then we moved to another space in the offices. It was an open space with a bunch of people sitting at computers, others gathered around discussing something or other, and yet more people moving about. A little while later, I was standing amongst a group of people and we were having a discussion. Again, still standing…

At one point, after about an hour, something just wasn’t feeling right with my shoe. I had an urge to move my foot around in my shoe. Something was uncomfortable but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I figured if I just moved my foot around, I’d find relief. The thing is though, I was in the middle of a conversation with a couple of people who were standing there facing me. So I was trying to be discreet about my shoe issue. I couldn’t just bend down and fix the problem. Well, I could have but I was feeling a little self-conscious about interrupting the discussion to fix my shoe. After all, I’d just met these people. So I tried wiggling my foot. It wasn’t working. It was as if my shoe was so tight that there was no wiggle room. After a few minutes of trying, I decided that maybe if I changed positions and moved the other foot in my shoe, I’d feel better. I’m now focused on the other shoe and I’m not having any luck shifting that foot either. Now I’ve sortof lost track of the conversation and while I’m still looking the other person in the eye while they’re talking to me, I’m decidedly focused on this mystery with my shoes. Finally, I gave up and just let it be. Off we went to another room and picked up a few more people to join the conversation. It was some type of “mobile” meeting. We never once sat down at a table which might have been my perfect opportunity to fiddle with my shoes, discreetly under the table. Two hours later the meeting finally ended. By now I’d come to terms with my shoes but I was still most uncomfortable.

I left the meeting and greeted several people on the way out. I was in a huge office building downtown. As I made my way from the offices, down the hall to the elevators, I crossed quite a few people from other offices as they went down the hall. I got to the elevators and stood there a good 2-3 minutes waiting for the elevator which finally arrived with five other people inside. As would be the case in an elevator, everyone was looking down, probably at my feet. I’m sure of it! I make it to the main floor and finally out the door onto a busy downtown street and now I’m lost. I came out a different door and have no clue where my car is from here. I walk a few blocks passing all kinds of corporate looking people, all dressed for work. I finally made it home and was so relieved to be able to get my shoes off. I still don’t understand what’s going on with those shoes. I look down and realize that the little pads have shifted and are sticking right out of the shoe. Hmmm, how elegant is that? Here I was trying to be all elegant-like and I’ve got some weird looking tongues sticking out of my shoes. I realize that I’d spent almost the entire meeting, from the moment I tried to shift my feet, with my flapping shoes!!! I go to take the shoes off and lo and behold, I cannot get my feet out of the damn shoes!! I am stuck to the shoes, both of them. I sat down on the floor and started pulling…and pulling…and pulling. It took almost 10 full minutes to get both those shoes off!

At last, I have found relief! Now I’m hungry and it’s time to make some food. I get back up and go to walk to the kitchen when I practically fall flat on my face. I can’t pick my feet up off the floor to walk. I am stuck to the floor!!! I manage to rip my feet off the floor and decide to forego supper for the time being. First I need to wash this damn nuclear glue off the bottom of my feet. I get myself to the tub, walking on the sides of my feet and without thinking, I stand in tub. And now I’m stuck again, to the bottom of the tub. Shit!! Well, it took fully 25 minutes of massive amounts of soap and water to get this super duper amazing glue off my feet. By then I’m thoroughly exhausted and I can’t even begin to consider tackling the issue of the glue that’s now stuck to the bottom of the tub and won’t come off either. Forget it! That was a project for the next day and I had to get a special product to dissolve that glue.

Now, all this because I felt like being a little elegant that day. I got stuck to the shoes, I was stuck to the floor, I was stuck to the tub but those ridiculous little pads refuse to stick to the shoe. I’m thoroughly confused. My friend was right about her double-sided tape. If you ever want to pin someone down, borrow her tape. You could probably even attach your kids to the wall or the ceiling. But forget about sticking a pad to your shoe. Those things have a mind of their own. What do you think it is about these shoes that those pads, designed to stick in the shoe, will not stick to them, even with the most powerful of glues?

I wonder how many people noticed my fashion statement while I was standing around trying to be mildly elegant-like. You do find this shoe thing elegant, no?

Kharim