OMAHA, NE—Calling Edward Snowden both a “TRUE PATRIOT” and an “AMERICAN HERO,” Tony Dewitt, 32, reportedly voiced his unflinching support for the NSA whistleblower Tuesday by using only capital letters in the comment section of a WashingtonPost.com article. “EDWARD SNOWDEN IS THE ONLY ONE WILLING TO UNCOVER THE LIES WE ARE ALL BEING TOLD,” wrote Dewitt, who was furiously banging on his keyboard for several minutes and had misspelled the word “surveillance” 14 times. “JUST LIKE THE FOUNDING FATHERS HE DIDN”T WAIT FOR ANY ONE ELSE#$ TO ACT AND PROTECTED AMERICANS!!!111 NOW THEY WANT TO PUT HIM BEHIND BARS FOR GOOD.” At press time, Dewitt was intensely breathing in and out after reaching the comment box’s 2,000-character limit.

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