Let's fight for America by learning to listen first

Pearce Godwin and Graham Bodie | Opinion contributors

The year ahead will present both enormous challenge and opportunity for a nation severely fractured across political and myriad other lines. As the election season foments division and rips at our social fabric, Americans have a chance to subvert those forces and forge a different path. A sober assessment of our social polarization paints a picture that can alternatively evoke despair and hope.

Fully 93% of Americans, according to "Civility in America 2019, Solutions for Tomorrow," say incivility is a problem, 75% say it has risen to a crisis level, and 65% expect it to get worse. Political conflict is seen as pervasive while strong conflict also is observed between blacks and whites, rich and poor, city and rural, and young and old.

When it comes to political divisions, we increasingly don’t just disagree; we distrust, dislike, even despise those who see the world differently. Animosity for positions has become contempt for the people who hold them. Members of each party report increasingly frigid feelings toward those in the other, describing political opponents as brainwashed, closed-minded, immoral, hateful, dishonest, unintelligent, downright evil and a threat to the nation’s well being.

Many Americans have stopped talking to friends and ended relationships over political disagreement. More alarming, 15% of Republicans and 20% Democrats think the country would be better if members of the opposing party “just died,” and one-in-ten say violence would be acceptable if the opposing party’s candidate won the next presidential election. No wonder this rapidly deteriorating cultural crisis has been described as a soft civil war.

Too few of us have friends who look, feel, think or act differently than we do. We sit in our own echo chambers, reading like-minded media and listening to like-minded others, only further polarizing our attitudes without even realizing it. Unsurprisingly, our understanding of the other side’s positions is way off, a shrinking share of Americans have a mix of conservative and liberal views, and partisans are unable to agree on basic facts.

Americans agree on important issues

On the other hand, Americans agree on several important national issues. Contrary to the homogeneity of our social networks, we also prefer a diverse United States. Most of us (87%) agree that the polarization poisoning our current national conversation is a threat to America. There is an exhausted majority that wants to see the country come together, and 77% of Americans believe our differences are not so great that we cannot do so.

While it’s easy to blame the fraying of our social fabric on social media, politicians, news media, activists, and celebrities, we each have direct control over one often overlooked actor: ourselves. Fortunately, most of us (75%) are willing to set a good example, and more than 100 million people want to see a national campaign promoting healthier conversations across differences.

That national campaign is being powered by the #ListenFirst Coalition of more than 250 partners, including nonprofits, schools, libraries, activist groups, media and businesses. These partners are working together on a National Conversation Project featuring large-scale collaborative initiatives such as an annual National Week of Conversation (April 17-25, 2020) and #ListenFirst Fridays.

Cultivate positive social connections

In the face of divisive forces, we’re fighting for America on a more foundational level —fostering personal relationships through conversations that matter to people where they live — to weave a stronger social fabric in our communities. The National Conversation Project has promoted more than 600 conversations in the past year and reached 5 million people with the #ListenFirst message during National Week of Conversation 2019.

Experts say the solution to this social polarization crisis is to cultivate more positive social connections. We encourage all Americans to positively connect with people they encounter by listening first to understand. Then take the courageous step toward intentional conversations that welcome people of diverse perspectives.

We can turn the tide of rising rancor and deepening division by starting new conversations that build relationships — move from "us vs. them" to "you and me." We can transform the toxicity of tribalism into positive connections through conversation. Each person who listens first to understand tips the scales toward a stronger and more equitable future for our nation and better relationships in our daily lives.

Do you find yourself resigned to a fractious future or hopeful that, together, we can turn the tide? We choose hope. Our nation depends on it.

Pearce Godwin is founder and CEO of Listen First Project, executive director of National Conversation Project and leader of the #ListenFirst Coalition of more than 250 partner organizations. Graham Bodie is a listening scholar, educator and consultant in the School of Journalism and New Media at the University of Mississippi. As Chief Listening Officer for Listen First Project, he advocates for the role of listening to help depolarize American culture.

The Hidden Common Ground project is supported by the John S. and James L. Knight Foundation, the Charles Koch Foundation, and the Rockefeller Brothers Fund. The Kettering Foundation serves as a research partner to the Hidden Common Ground initiative.