Pity poor Rep. Duncan Hunter, Jr., Republican of California. He and his wife got indicted for misuse of campaign funds and other assorted crimes, but that news got shoved way down on the political corruption news budget on Tuesday. Hunter was the second member of Congress to endorse El Caudillo del Mar-A-Lago. Congressman Chris Collins of New York was the first. Now they're both under indictment. However, Hunter's stupendous alleged grifting is of a piece with what seems to be a general attitude that the money the suckers send in is best spent on personal grooming and on paying off porn stars.

Compare, for example, the details of the Hunter indictment and those of Cohen's plea deal. The devil, as they say, is in the details. Which, of course, doesn't necessarily make them less awesome. Via CNN, from the Hunter indictment:

The HUNTERS concealed and disguised the personal nature of their family's purchase of video games using Campaign funds by falsely claiming to a financial institution that the charges were fraudulent.

On or about March 24, 2010, in Alexandria, Virginia, DUNCAN HUNTER spent $121.34 in Campaign funds at the Birchmere Music Hall for food and beer while attending a concert with Individual 14, Congressman A, and Congressman A's date.

On or about June 11, 2011, in El Cajon, California, DUNCAN HUNTER spent $164.63 in Campaign funds at Best Buy to purchase an iPod Nano.

On or about July 21, 2012, DUNCAN HUNTER spent $59.26 in Campaign funds at the Del Mar Country Club to purchase a pair of Under Armor shorts.

(Let me pause, if I may. I'm no big fan of WalMart or any of the other big-box stores, but, Jesus, dude, if the choice is buying some shorts there, or doing time in the federal pokey for a pair of golf shorts, you have to think it through a little better than this.)

Win McNamee Getty Images

The indictment is a staggering list of how the Duncans allegedly used their campaign funds and their campaign credit cards as personal ATMs. (My favorite character in the indictment is the person named only as The Treasurer, who keeps warning the Hunters that there are, you know, laws about what you can do with the money people contribute to your campaign.) There are dozens of trips to golf courses, race tracks, theme parks, and three trips to dance competitions. ($399 for a zipline ride? Really?)

The money went for the mundane, too. There are a number of examples of the Hunters buying groceries with the campaign cards. There's $215 spent on an end-of-the-year party for the football team on which one of the Hunter children played. Margaret Hunter, according to the indictment, "on 200 separate occasions," spent a total of $5068.38 in campaign money "at fast food restaurants such as In and Out, Carl's Jr., Jack In The Box, Wendy's, McDonald's, Burger King, Taco Bell, La Salsa, Pizza Hut, Domino's Pizza, Weinerschnitzel, Kentucky Fried Chicken, and Menchie's Frozen Yogurt." (No Popeye's? What's wrong with these people?) And then there's this one, which is not especially funny at all.

On or about March 20, 2015, when DUNCAN HUNTER told MARGARET HUNTER that he was planning "to buy my Hawaiian shorts" but had run out of money, she counseled him to buy the shorts at a golf pro shop so they could falsely describe the purchase later as, "some golf balls for the wounded warriors."

That's the kind of detail prosecutors toss in there in order to inflame the jury. It works, too.

Joe Raedle Getty Images

Meanwhile, the most piquant passage in the Cohen plea agreement is the dry legal prose in which is rendered the details of how, working with A Candidate For Federal Office, Cohen paid off Stormy Daniels to keep her from inconveniencing the Candidate For Federal Office before the election.

On or about October 27, 2016...MICHAEL COHEN, the defendant, knowingly and willfully made and caused to be made a campaign contribution to Individual 1, a candidate for federal office, and his authorized political committee, in excess of the limits of the Election Act, which aggregated $25,000 and more during the calendar year 2016, and did so by making and causing to be made an expenditure, in cooperation, consultation, and concert with, and at the request and suggestion of one or more members of the campaign. to wit, COHEN made a $130,000 payment to Woman-2 to ensure that she did not publicize damaging allegations before the 2016 presidential election and thereby influence that election.

(Let us pause again to note that, the day after Cohen set up the payoff on behalf of Individual 1 to Woman-2 was the day James Comey came blundering back into the campaign with his letter to Congress about "newly discovered e-mails." I will stop while you reassemble the crockery you just demolished.)

All of these offenses, serious and otherwise, are products of our money-sodden, broken campaign-finance system, which owes its existence to the immortal words of Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy:

“Independent expenditures do not lead to, or create the appearance of, quid pro quo corruption.”

Man, there's genius in that.

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Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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