GLOBAL EVENT: lUNaCy

A strange, drunken man appears on the doorstep of the world’s civilizations, great and miniscule, claiming that he is a great wizard, capable of bending both space and time to potentially infinite effect. Of course, his services will cost a fee, but surely his aid could bolster your civ to great heights?

[Option 1] “FaTe CaN oFTeN bE So CruEL,” the “mage” rasps, “pErHaPs YoUr ChOiCeS cOuLd Be ExChAnGeD fOr ThAT oF AnOTheR’s? [Nominate any civ or city state] [WARNING: MAY LEAD TO EXPENDITURE]

[Option 2] “Or wOuLd YoU rAtHer NoT lEt AnY cHoIcE CoMe tO pAsS, iN FeAr oF tHe CoNSeQueNcEs?” he bleats on, without skipping a beat. [Nominate any civ or city state] [WARNING: MAY LEAD TO EXPENDITURE]

[Option 3] “PeRHapS aLl YoU wIsH iS fOr ChAoS tO OvErTaKe ThE WoRlD? iF So, tHeN tHaT cOuLd Be ArRanGEd.” [Nominate any two civs or city states] [WARNING: MAY LEAD TO EXPENDITURE]

[Option 4] “dO yOU WiSH uNlEaSH rEvENge UnTo aNoTHeR? ThAt cOuLd AlSo bE aRrAnGed. [Nominate a player from your faction and a player from any faction] [WARNING: MAY LEAD TO EXPENDITURE]

[Option 5] “AaAaAaaHhHhHH, bUt It iS InDeeD oNlY yOuR cHoiCe IF yOU wIsH To EMPlOY mY SeRvIcEs.” The man stumbles out of your imperial palace, and collapses.

50/50 chance of swapping the civilization’s national event with the national event of the chosen civilization. (If civ A chooses option 1 for their event and gets X results, then civ A now chooses option 1 for civ B’s event and gets Y results and vice versa). Subtract a plot point of gold from the civ’s treasury.

50/50 chance of nullifying the results of the nominated civs’ national event. Delete the most technologically advanced military unit within four units around the capital. If none, spawn a barbarian.

50/50 chance of swapping the two civilizations’ national events with each other. Subtract one pop from the civ’s capital.

50/50 chance of insta-killing the nominated player. The nominated faction player dies.

The man’s death inspires similar “magicians” throughout the empire. Gain a +1 bonus to all plots featuring insanity this part.

NATIONAL EVENTS:

Canton Pirates

Bad news! It seems in a drunken night of liquor, dice, and mahjong, a huge fight broke against two of your captains! It seems that both had bet all of their possessions on one game, and when one had won, the other claimed the other was obviously cheating and proceeded to start brawl before being pulled apart by their fellow sailors. How do you settle this dispute?

[Option 1] Obviously the one who won gets everything! Isn’t that how gambling works?

[Option 2] Cheating is forbidden, even when gambling. Punish the cheater.

[Option 3] Who cares? All of it belongs to me, anyways.

[Option 4] I have better things to do than solve a petty dispute between my captains.

The loser becomes salty and quickly begins rioting in the capital. (Gain a free salt resource to the northwest of the capital with two barbarian swordsmen spawned on top of and next to it.)

Your strict enforcement of the law has established order in the ranks of the pirates! (Gain the Tradition opener; if the Tradition opener has already been adopted, gain the Patronage opener)

You get away with temporary riches and quite the riot outside. (Gain 4 plot points of gold, spawn 4 Barbarian swordsmen outside the capital)

Your failure to mediate the fight quickly turns bloody outside, as an angry rioting mob has formed. (Destroy a random building or wonder in the capital)

Japanese

Massive killer whales are terrorizing the coasts of Japan, cutting off trade and ravaging the local fisherman! How should we deal with these terrible creatures?

[Option 1] Kill them. Kill them all.

[Option 2] Hunt them for food.

[Option 3] Surely we can reason with them.

[Option 4] Why not recruit them?

The captains of your navy become fierce strategists in their war against the orcas. (Spawn a free Great Admiral)

Your fisherman succeed in neutralizing the threat; however, your people quickly become sick because marine mammal meat contains mercury. At least your fisherman are really good now. (Gain two fish resources near your capital; if your capital does not have any workable coast, then in your nearest coastal city. -3 population in your capital.)

The attempt to reason the killer whales goes about as well as expected. (Destroy the nearest two naval units to the capital)

Somehow, through some miracle of thought, you manage to convince the whales to join forces. Not before the whales wreak havoc on your fleet. (Destroy 4 random naval units. Gain a free submarine near your capital; if you capital is not coastal, in your nearest coastal city. If no coastal cities, then RIP)

Kazakhs

There has been an uptake in boating and lakeside recreation in the region, however, many people have been complaining about the lack of space in the local lakes, saying that they haven’t been able to even spot the light of the Great Lighthouse due the high amount of boat traffic in the area. What should you do?

[Option 1] We’re a steppe people. Why did we even need boats in the first place?

[Option 2] We need improved boat traffic infrastructure and policy. Roundabouts, interchanges, boat police, you name it…

[Option 3] KAZAKHS CAN INTO COAST!!!!!!

[Option 4] I’ve got it. Boats. On. Land.

The empire is completely rid of boats, and uses the spare wood to construct something more useful. (Destroy all naval units, gain two siege towers)

Boats become incredibly popular in the capital, so popular that an artificial lake is made around it. (Create a six tile coast ring around the capital, destroying any improvement or resources that were previously on the tiles)

People excitedly sign up for the next settling expedition, eager to reach and found a settlement on the coast. (Give one settler in the capital)

Your tomfoolery with boats results in the grounding of one of your ships and the destruction of the local lighthouses. You still salvage something from the materials though. (Destroy the Great Lighthouse and the lighthouses in coastal cities, receive two Battering Rams)

Koreans

Now that you’ve matured into grown main civ, it seems all the other Empires of the world that used to dismiss you as another city-state have taken an interest in your, ahem, assets. Your people have begun to take interest in the religions of your neighbors. What shall you do?

[Option 1] Perhaps adopting Samanism will improve our relations with our northern neighbors.

[Option 2] Confucianism could offer an even greater ally in China.

[Option 3] Y’know, didn’t we already have a religion? Y’know, Aum?

[Option 4] Korea is of strong, independent woman empire! Will not into stupid foreign religion when can stay cool and secularist!

You decide to embrace Samanism. (Convert your capital to Samanism)

You decide to embrace Confucianism. (Convert your capital to Confucianism)

You decide to embrace Aum. (Gain an Aum missionary)

You decide to embrace Secularism. (Gain a free library in all your cities, clear all religious pressure from your cities)

Manchus

While Samanism is on track to become one of the world’s leading religions, it seems a dissident has appeared in one of the far corners of your empire, preaching about the inherent Delirium in everyone that can only be cleansed if they only accepted a certain dice-rolling plotrunner into their hearts. What, if anything, should we do to address this dissident?

[Option 1] Everyone must hear about how to attain true balance of Delirium! Let us all come together in one faith!

[Option 2] Surely this heretic must be hung and drawn for his blasphemy!

[Option 3] Perhaps our two ideas may be able to coexist?

[Option 4] This man sounds brilliant! We must adopt his ideas as soon as possible. I’ve always wanted to have someone inside me…

The faithful unite to spread the message of Samanism throughout your empire. (Gain four free missionaries in your capital)

Your punishment of this dissident has only bolstered his following, and now his community is at your doorstep. (Spawn 2 barbarian chariot archers and 2 barbarian horsemen outside the capital, gain a free inquisitor)

Your religious tolerance has led to a flourishing of cultural exchange of your people. (Convert a random non-capital city to Aimeism, gain a temporary bonus to Judo plots this part)

You fully accept the dissident’s ideas. (Convert the capital to Aimeism, spawn two Aimeist missionaries)

Maratha

It seems the influx of former Burmese prostitutes named Martha into cities has significantly increased your empire’s economic burden, and now your people are complaining about how these strange, often diarrhea-inflicted people and their schizophrenic devotion to the voices of their dice-rolling Goddess get in the way of their daily life. How do we deal with them?

[Option 1] Why, these people should go back to their own land. Why should they expect us to deal with them?

[Option 2] Surely they can be reemployed for our own purposes…

[Option 3] Build a wall! Despite the constant negative press covfefe

[Option 4] Slave labour. Slave labour is the only way.

The Burmese ex-prostitutes have been deported. (-1 pop from the four largest cities of the civ)

The Burmese ex-prostitutes have re-employed as actors and dancers in the local theaters. (Free amphitheatres in the four largest cities)

You have successfully completed the wall, however, due to bureaucratic mismanagement, a part of your treasury has been mysteriously cleared out. (Gain free walls in every city, clear 15% of the treasury)

You successfully round up the ex-prostitutes and enslave them in local mines. It’s not long before they start to revolt. (Create two free mines to the southwest of the capital with two barbarian handaxes spawned on them).

Mongols

The collapse of the Tocharian trade networks seems to have put lots of local merchants out of employment, and now they’re asking Khan for potential reemployment. What should we use these desert-worn travelers for?

[Option 1] Let’s leave them to business as usual in our glorious empire.

[Option 2] Perhaps they might make a good asset for our military?

[Option 3] These people have spent years in business, could they help as economic advisors?

[Option 4] Merchants are truly the lowest class of people, generating a measly profit off of others’ hard work. Our proud empire has no need for them.

The merchants get back down to business under Mongol rule. (Gain two free caravans in the capital)

The merchants attempt to join the army, but most are unable to keep with the vigorous training and desert, pillaging the land. (Gain a free camel archer, but spawn two horsemen outside the capital)

The merchants, happy to help, make a innovation in business! (Gain a free Currency tech, if Currency is already taken, get Guilds. If Guilds is already researched, gain the commerce opener)

Business is stifled in the empire due to the khan’s denouncement of merchants, as businessmen throughout the empire choose to set up business elsewhere. (Lose 100 gold, -1 pop in the capital)

Song

As your empire continues to expand, it becomes harder and harder to keep a tight rule on your people as resources are stretched then. Your ministers have become overworked; your messengers have been less and less coordinated. How should we approach this problem?

[Option 1] Let local rulers do the work. Just have them pay a bit of lip service to us to keep them in line.

[Option 2] Perhaps hiring more bureaucrats in order to manage local rule could be effective.

[Option 3] Have the people sing everyday in wondrous harmony and pay respects to Confucius.

[Option 4] Each settlement should be under the control of local garrison in order to enforce order!

A suspiciously large part of the Treasury has gone missing due to the new local rulers’ habit of taking favors from their friends and family. (Clear 10% of the treasury)

The government rapidly begins spending money to micromanage its cities. (Clear 15% of the treasury, gain a free granary in all cities)

The people are filled with Confucian zeal, waking up at the crack of dawn everyday. (Gain a free missionary in all cities settled last part)

People happily volunteer to join the local garrisons throughout the empire. (Gain a free pikeman in every city without a garrison)

Taungoo

It seems that our empire has become the laughingstock of the East due to its inability to adequately fill its treasuries to support the military, especially without the equalizing force of the Tocharian traders. What can we do in order to bring more to our great Empire’s coffers?

[Option 1] The Milk Road has always provided a steady route of income from our northern neighbors. Perhaps expanding business could bring in more revenue?

[Option 2] Let us take to the seas to strange and foreign lands! Perhaps contact with a different culture could lead to a blossoming of trade and exchange?

[Option 3] We should lead an expedition to find the mythical mountain ranges rumored to be filled with gems! Nothing bad could go wrong!

[Option 4] Money is only a worldly concern. Perhaps we should look inwardly before we immediately turn to easy temporary solutions.

Milk Road Trade is smooth as ever. (Spawn a banana resource to the northeast of the capital, gain a free caravan in the capital)

You send out an expedition to foreign lands, only to never hear from them again. (Lose two random naval units)

OH GOD HOW DID WE NOT SEE THIS COMING. (Give a free gems resources to the east of the capital. Spawn 8 barbarian swordsmen and 4 barbarian composite bowmen surrounding the capital)

Your calm introspection has opened your eyes to a new way of ruling (Give the piety opener; if the piety opener is taken, give philosophy. If philosophy has been researched, then give theology if able to be researched)

Tibet

An earthquake has struck Lhasa, costing millions in lives and property damage! Thank Aum, none of the monks were hurt, but now the Grand Temple of Aum has been completely leveled. What, if anything, should you replace the temple with?

[Option 1] Let the new temple be completely in sync with the world. Nothing should separate our monks from the voices of the mountains.

[Option 2] Our temple should demonstrate the new heights of the great Tibetan Empire, one that does not submit to its neighbors. Oh, and I guess some monks can live in it, too.

[Option 3] Even though this temple was but the sacred site of Shoko Asahara’s Great Revelation, we are only one link in a great chain. Maybe this is a good opportunity to rebuild all the temples in every one of our great cities?

[Option 4] We should address the needs of the people before those of ourselves. Aum can wait.

The monks become incredibly good at meditating, but the monastery may be lacking a roof. (Gain a bonus to Aum plots this part)

The new, lavish temple inspires local architects but distracts local monks. (Gain a free Great Engineer, -100 faith)

Your engineers and workers happily embark on a journey to construct pagodas, mosques, and temples in every city, before dying in a landslide in the tundra. (Lose every worker. Gain a free temple, mosque, or pagoda in your first four cities)

The people are grateful for your help, although distraught to see the leveled state of one their holiest sacred sites. (Gain a free worker in the capital. Destroy the temple in the capital)

CITY-STATE EVENTS:

Agra

Your three year old son asks you how babies are made. Your answer choice affects your city-state for some reason?

[Option 1] You see, son, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much…

[Option 2] Sex.

[Option 3] A gay eunuch minstrel sells them on the black market.

[Option 4] Wait, I have a son?

The people of Agra are surprisingly ordinary given the state of their king. Well, besides the fleet of “storks” that are maintained to preserve the royal family’s innocence. (Gain a free source of horses to the southeast of the capital)

Your city is very sexually open. (Gain three population in your capital)

You seize control of the black market, using insiders to maintain your own personal force of “gay traders?” (Gain 50 gold)

The son grows up, resentful of his neglectful father, before being coaxed into a bloodthirsty rage in which he bloodily murders entirety of your government in a savage rampage. (Kill all the players in the city-state or coalition)

Chengdu

You’re considering new methods of training for army to deal with the new rumored tigers lurking around your city’s outskirts. What do you value most in your troops?

[Option 1] Leadership.

[Option 2] Endurance.

[Option 3] Speed.

[Option 4] Who cares? Quantity over quality.

A great leader approaches from your ranks. (Gain a free great general. Spawn 2 barbarian Jaguars outside the capital)

A new division of specially trained troops is added to your army. (Gain 2 immortals. Spawn 2 barbarian Jaguars outside the capital)

A new division of powerful archers joins your ranks. (Gain 2 horse archers. Spawn 2 barbarian Jaguars outside the capital)

Your army rapidly increases in size. (Gain 4 regular military units. Spawn 2 barbarian Jaguars outside the capital)

Hanoi/Shuri/Vigan

With the newly formed SEACSL, anything seems possible if all three of you city states work together on it! What’s first on the dossier?

[Option 1] Expansion, of course!

[Option 2] Infrastructure. We need more buildings.

[Option 3] Trade. SEACSL will into monies.

[Option 4] Military. We need to defend against larger civs together.

(Note: For every option that is chosen more than once, the bonus is compounded. If both civ A and civ B choose option 1, the results are doubled for both civ A and civ B and so on.)

The effort to expand has increased. (Gain a small bonus to your next plot to settle.)

Construction has increased. (Gain a worker)

Trade between the cities has increased. (Gain 50 gold)

The army has increased. (Gain a composite archer)

KGB

“‘715 W3DN35D4Y, MY F3LL0W CH4P5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

H0W D0 Y0U 4DDR355 7H15 F3LL0W G3N7L3M4N B4CK 0N 7H15 F1N3 D4Y????

[Option 1] I’m sorry, what?

[Option 2] updoot and i will tattoo this on my wall no bamboozle

[Option 3] me too thanks

[Option 4] /u/waterguy12 would like this

You have forfeited your chance at a danke meme. (Randomly gain a worker, 50 gold, or a comp bow)

The Wednesday Frog judges you fit for meme hell. (Insta-kill all players in this city-state or coalition)

The Wednesday Frog grants you the ability to play 19-dimensional chess. (Gain 10 XP in judo; if already trained in a different martial art, a bonus to your next antiplot)

The Wednesday Frog takes pity on you for your inappropriate normie meme. It decides to place you under its wing as its apprentice. (Gain bonus to your next martial arts plot)

Tocharian Traders

Your new glassware business is booming! Any thoughts on how to make it better?

[Option 1] Boats.

[Option 2] Get more glass, of course.

[Option 3] Perhaps we should focus on getting more color?

[Option 4] We should concentrate on getting more intricate glassworking.

Any improvements and resources outside your capital are instantly destroyed due the huge artificial lake your people have created for their boats. (All tiles within two hexes of the capital are instantly converted to coast)

Your ability to acquire ashes is startlingly good. (Gain 10 XP in dianmai; if already trained in a different martial art, gain a bonus to the next assassination plot)

You successfully gain some dye for glassware. (Spawn a free dyes resource west of the capital)

Glass takes all forms and sizes in your empire. (All civs gain a bonus to all plots involving glassworking in this part)

Xingqing

Something something dancing prostitutes

[Option 1] *Sigh* Why are the writers always so lazy with my events?

[Option 2] uh huh i got that

[Option 3] nuh uh i don’t got that

[Option 4] uh uh i’m not sure

[Option 5] pick this option I dare you [Nominate a civ]

The event writer doesn’t appreciate your sass. (Spawn two barbarian units outside the capital)

Cool bro. (Randomly gain a worker, 50 gold, or a comp bow)

That’s fine, bro. (Randomly gain a worker, 50 gold, or a comp bow)

Well one day I’m sure you’ll figure it out. (Nothing happens)