What better way to welcome the 40th anniversary of Roe v Wade than the news that Justin Bieber's mother is producing an anti-abortion film? I honestly cannot think of a superior way to celebrate how American women finally succeeded in winning reproductive rights.

Bieber's "mom", less commonly known as Pattie Mallette, thinks the abortion epidemic needs addressing and is hoping to raise $10m through screenings of the film, called Crescendo. The money will go towards so-called "crisis centres" whose function is to deter women from having abortions, presumably through a combination of good old-fashioned indoctrination and endless YouTube repeats of her son's 2010 hit Baby. From the looks of the trailer (and somewhat strangely for an anti-abortion propaganda film), Crescendo appears to be set in 18th-century France in what I assume is intended to be a kind of Christian fundamentalist version of Les Mis, but with the singalongs and revolutionary fervour replaced by botched abortion attempts with a coathanger and gin in the bath.

Bieber: 'I don't really believe in abortion'. Photograph: Jason Merritt/Getty

Then again, 18th-century France is about the right time period for the North American pro-choice lobby to be aligning itself with. Much simpler to portray an era when abortion could have meant writhing in agony on a filthy table as blood left your body (I imagine there will be no mention of how giving birth could result in exactly the same scenario). Much simpler than confronting today's clean, well-funded western clinics with their straightforward procedures, which, to many women, involve nothing more than an afternoon off from work and a sigh of relief at the feeling of a heavy burden being lifted from their shoulders. Indeed, I wouldn't be surprised were I to learn that the average 18th-century French person were more progressive than your work-a-day conservative who believes in the absolute right to "life" over the sovereignty of any woman over her body. Which brings me nicely to Justin Bieber.

Here's a little known fact about him: 19 years ago, were it not for his mother's sudden conversion to Christianity, Bieber would have been aborted. I will leave the obvious and rather cruel joke unsaid, of course. Much like the man from Leamington Spa who nearly shot Hitler, Mallette has had a brush with an alternative universe: a future where things worked out differently and her son never grew up to sell more than 50 million albums worldwide, leaving her languishing in obscurity. This may go some way to explaining her interest in what in what hundreds of thousands of other women choose to do with their bits. Those little bundles of cells could grow up to be pop superstars, after all! What better reason, in today's celebrity-driven culture, to make the lifelong commitment of having a child – even if their artistic skills are lacking?

Not that tweenage girls, Bieber's main target market, really care about his musical abilities. And it's of them we should be thinking, really. These young women, reaching adolescence 40 years after Roe v Wade, looking out at a battle that should long have been won, are facing the very real prospect of the return to a system in which women are broodmares; slaves to bodies that are too tired to do much of anything except possibly download Bieber's latest track on iTunes.

But somewhat blessedly for the pro-choice lobby, not only do tweenage girls hate period drama, they also take very little interest in what their idols actually say. So when Bieber said "I don't really believe in abortion, it's like killing a baby," they were too busy looking at his flaccid excuse for a haircut to notice. All they heard was "baby, baby, baby oooh". Believe me, I have been in the throes of teen lust myself (although admittedly my 1990s heroes took much less of an interest in my reproductive organs, to my eternal chagrin). But had Kevin from Backstreet Boys or Lee from 911 had something to say about anything vagina-related – whether it were pap smears or thrush, let alone abortion – I would barely have looked up from drawing hearts around their faces in Shout magazine. Had their parents had anything to say about those same topics, I would have cringed, emitted a single "ew" of derison, and tuned out everything the old person said for ever more.

In fairness to Mallette, she has had a tough life and, from the volume of pictures present on her website, seems to love her son very much. But she also represents the tip of an increasingly vocal anti-choice iceberg that is floating towards us at an alarming rate. For that, as well as the obvious fact that Christian fundamentalists have terrible taste in music, we should resist her, as should the rest of the free world.

Women have been fighting for the right to control their reproductive destinies for more than 40 years, and we'll go on for another 40, Bieber or no Bieber – although obviously the second option is preferable. We'll take whatever you can throw at us. Even this.