A black and white photo of me running my hands through my short hair. I am wearing a cross necklace and my SOWISA tattoo on my left upper arm is visible. A rainbow of confetti is laid over my picture.

CW // gender identity, passing privilege, identity erasure

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As someone who was AFAB, but now proudly identifies as an androgyne, uses they/them pronouns, and hates being misgendered as a woman, days like IWD⁠ ⁠are…difficult.

On one hand, I love that there is a day to celebrate women and their achievements. Misogyny exists. The patriarchy exists. Sexism takes its toll on women every day. So if you identify as a woman, I’m not coming for you; I want to wish you a Happy Women’s Day!

But please: keep reading.

The nonbinary/genderqueer flag. It has horizontal stripes of yellow, white, purple and black, from top to bottom.

In the past couple years, I’ve been tagged in posts honoring female writers and activists. I’ve always been thankful and happy to be recognized, but since I discovered the word for my true gender, it’s been difficult not to feel uneasy as well.

Every one of my social media accounts a) names my gender, b) lists my pronouns or c) does both. I came out as androgyne in the fall of 2017. A year and a half later, being misgendered feels disrespectful and lazy.

I’m not a woman, so don’t refer to me as one.

It makes me uncomfortable and dysphoric to be called “she/her,” so don’t do it.

I’ve worked hard to make it easy for everyone to understand who and what I am, so respect that labor.

The agender flag. It has horizontal stripes of black, gray, white, green, white, gray and black, from top to bottom.

However — I understand that people may not be able to look at me and correctly guess my gender.

I have physical markers of a cis-woman (large breasts, hips, and butt). I can’t help those, but I do try to minimize them most of the time by:

Wearing sports bras and shapewear instead of ‘normal’ bras to minimize my chest;

Choosing looser shirts and pants (often from the ‘men’s section’) to “reshape” my figure;

Cutting my hair in a way that doesn’t appear female or femme (to me);

Often wearing boxer-briefs instead of panties (whether visible or not, they give me validation), etc.

The transgender flag. It has horizontal stripes of blue, pink, white, pink and blue, from top to bottom.

My name was also an issue.

Until March 1st, I went by “Liz,” a shortened version of my birth name.

***Note: THIS IS NOW MY DEAD NAME. DO NOT USE IT.***

I changed it to Elis so that people wouldn’t assume I was a woman upon hearing or reading my name. But more importantly, it feels right to me and further solidifies my identity as a non-woman.

Still, it’s only been a week since I announced the change and I understand that folx will take time to replace my dead name with my chosen name. I’m trying to be patient.

The genderfluid flag. It has horizontal stripes of pink, white, purple, black and blue, from top to bottom.

But on days like today, it feels like that labor is for naught.

It feels like the gender binary of “men vs women” is being reinforced and that since I’m not male, look female, and was once using a “female name,” I’m lumped in with women, along with my female/femme presenting non-women.

Aside from pride month, there isn’t a specific time set aside for nonbinary, agender, genderfluid, genderqueer, androgyne, etc. folx to be celebrated. And even then, our identities are lumped in with everyone else in the LGBTQ community.

There is no “international non-binary day,” though I feel like the majority of us might like one.

There is no time set aside for the recognition of our struggles, the need for true gender equality that goes beyond the IWD2019⁠ ⁠ slogan “#BalanceForBetter,” problematic in itself because of the call for photos of people with hands out, like a two-sided (aka binary!) scale.

There’s no day set aside for the celebration of us as individuals living #BeyondTheBinary and I struggle with that the most.

For all the amazing woman out there, especially transwomen who are so often attacked or erased from womanhood by either ignorance or TERFs, please have a tremendous day. Y’all deserve the recognition and I’m so proud of you.

The transgender flag. It has vertical stripes of blue, pink, white, pink and blue, from top to bottom.

But please — don’t forget those of us who aren’t men OR women, who wish we had our own day of acknowledgment and celebration.

I don’t believe I’m the only one who wishes to be seen and honored.

The androgyne flag. It has vertical stripes of magenta, purple and blue, from left to right.

Thank you all, as always, for your support!