Bill Biscane says: (after being turned into a baby) I'm Bill Biscaine and if you touch my diapers, you're fired! Bill Biscane says: I'm Bill Biscaine and if you touch my diapers, you're fired!

Milo Minderbinder says: As a matter of fact, Father, I know I can get my hands on an entire shipment of religious relics, blessed by the Pope himself. The Germans swiped them and put them on the open market. As I understand it, the stuff includes a wrist and collarbones of some of your top saints!

Milo Minderbinder says: We're gonna come out of this war rich! Capt. Yossarian says: You're gonna come out rich. We're gonna come out dead.

Milo Minderbinder says: What's good for M & M Enterprises will be good for the country.

Milo Minderbinder says: Nately died a wealthy man, Yossarian. He had over sixty shares in the syndicate. Capt. Yossarian says: What difference does that make? He's dead. Milo Minderbinder says: Then his family will get it. Capt. Yossarian says: He didn't have time to have a family. Milo Minderbinder says: Then his parents will get it. Capt. Yossarian says: They don't need it, they're rich. Milo Minderbinder says: Then they'll understand.

The Voice says: Drive away. Brent Magna says: I cant I got a kid in the car! Brent Magna says: I can't. I got a kid in the car!

Franklin D. Roosevelt says: I like sub commanders. They don't have time for bullshit, and neither do I. Franklin D. Roosevelt says: I like sub commanders. They don't have time for bullshit and neither do I.

Joe Buck says: You know what you can do with them dishes. And if you ain't man enough to do it for yourself, I'd be happy to oblige. I really would.

Enrico "Ratso" Rizzo says: You know, in my own place, my name ain't Ratso. I mean, it just so happens that in my own place my name is Enrico Salvatore Rizzo Enrico "Ratso" Rizzo says: You know, in my own place, my name ain't Ratso. I mean, it just so happens that in my own place my name is Enrico Salvatore Rizzo. Joe Buck says: Well, I can't say all that Joe Buck says: Well, I can't say all that. Enrico "Ratso" Rizzo says: Rico, then.

Joe Buck says: [wearing glasses] Guess who I am? Enrico "Ratso" Rizzo says: Who? Joe Buck says: [takes off glasses and laughs] It's me!

Joe Buck says: I ain't no kinda hustler.

Coach Bud Kilmer says: Make him understand Coach Bud Kilmer says: Make him understand.

Blind Man says: A man with no ethics is a free man.

Blind Man says: Everything is everything. And everything is nothing, too.

Blind Man says: Your lies are old but you tell them pretty good.

Mike says: You know what you are? A pain in the ass? That's right... A pain in the ass! Billy says: You know what you are? A pain in the ass. That's right... A pain in the ass!

Peter Miller says: Daddy don't go, mama come home!

Patrick Henry Gates says: And he dragged you two into this nonsense? Dr. Abigail Chase says: 'Literally' Riley Poole says: I volunteered! Patrick Henry Gates says: Well un-volunteer before you waste your life!

Ben Gates says: Where's the phone? Patrick Henry Gates says: I don't know son I can't find anything in this mess. Ben Gates says: It's only temporary 'til I can find a new place. Patrick Henry Gates says: Find the old one. I like her!

Franklin D. Roosevelt says: We're building refrigerators, while our enemies build bombs.

Trout Walker says: Even Zero, here, isn't completely worthless. Mr. Sir says: Even Zero, here, isn't completely worthless.

Mr. Sir says: You take a bad boy and make him dig holes all day long in the hot sun, it makes him a good boy. That's our philisophy here at Camp Green Lake.

Paul Sarone says: This river can kill you in a thousand ways.

Paul Sarone says: Never look in the eyes, of those you kill. They will haunt you forever. I know.

Derek Zoolander says: I think I've got the black lung, pop. Larry Zoolander says: For god's sake Derek, you were down there one day!

Paul Sarone says: There's a devil inside everyone.

Ethan Hunt says: [Realizing Jim is the mole] Why Jim? Why? Jim Phelps says: Well, you think about it Ethan, it was inevitable. No more cold war. No more secrets you keep from yourself. Answer to no one but yourself. Then, you wake up one morning and find out the President is running the country without your permission. The son of a bitch, how dare he. Then you realize, it's over. You are an obsolete peice of hardware, not worth upgrading, you got a lousy marriage, and 62 grand a year.

Jim Phelps says: Any questions? Ethan Hunt says: Yeah. Could we get a capuccino machine in here? Cause I don't know what you call this.

Larry Zoolander says: You're dead to me, son. You're even more dead to me than your dead mother.

Mr. Sir says: Once upon a time... there was a magical place where it never rained. ...the end. Mr. Sir says: Once upon a time there was a magical place where it never rained. The End.

Agent Sadusky says: And you have no idea where your son is? Patrick Henry Gates says: He tied me to a chair.

Patrick Henry Gates says: Gonna untie me?

Patrick Henry Gates says: Where's the party?

Benjamin Franklin Gates says: We found the Charlotte. Patrick Henry Gates says: The Charlotte? You mean she was a ship? Benjamin Franklin Gates says: Yeah she was beautiful. Patrick Henry Gates says: And the treasure? Benjamin Franklin Gates says: No but we found a clue that led us here.... Patrick Henry Gates says: And that will lead you to another clue, and another clue!

Patrick Henry Gates says: I have a job, health insurance, what do you have, him?