Eproctophilia: The sexual fascination and attraction to human gaseous expulsions, i.e., farts..

It's been quite a week here at the GayHotMovies.com offices. Last week, a certain YouTube video was brought to our attention and it caused quite a stink--in a good way. One of our employees had been listening to star comedian Tom Segura's podcast, Your Mom's House. On the October 14, 2015, edition of Your Mom's House, Segura contacted a growing YouTube celebrity by the name of Thursday Lane. On that day, we encountered one of the most exciting and intriguing characters on Earth.

Thursday Lane, a young man in Philadelphia, had been posting three videos a day describing his deep intense infatuation with flatulence. In his videos, he described the differences in fart smells (beef cream for brown haired guys vs. spicy buffalo chicken cream for redheads), shared his charts and farts stories (he wants to be the trees, with the farts as the wind through his branches), and confessed his dreams (to be farted on). With the subtle YouTube name of Whiteguys Fartinmyface, we combed through his hundred or so videos, all describing how he felt left out and ostracized due to his love of farts. He is far from alone in his desires, but we decided to sit down for an interview in our hopes of making his particular dreams come true. It was an afternoon we won't soon forget, as we sorted through his copious notes and diagrams, discussed how his love of farts blossomed and bloomed, and his kind "Uncle Victor" gave him a little present to hold him over.

Here's what transpired in our interview with Thursday Lane:

@HairyBurgher: Your passion for what you love has literally brought me to tears. Seriously.

Thursday: That’s why I got these rings, to marry it.

@HairyBurgher: And for what some may think is absurd, GayHotMovies and myself…

(Simultaneously)

Thursday: Kiss my ass

@HairyBurgher:...thinks that it’s no different than any other fetish, and we see so many of them.

[How did it all start?]

Thursday: This white guy, when he let me lick his ass, when he farted in my mouth by accident I just fell in love with it and got a boner-not only physically but psychologically. And at 21, I had a blonde-haired guy sit on my face, and I loved it. And at 22, I had a red-haired guy, and then [...] from 24 to the age of 29 I had [...] 4 different dark-haired guys fart in my face. And then one time I had, not too long ago, I had a silver-haired guy, he sat on my face and farted, and I learned right there when I had smelled their farts that I loved the smell of that cream.

[How do different races smell?]

Thursday: Let me start with all races because that’s shorter, but when it comes to whites, y’all’s more like the long list. Now, I’ve been with someone black; you have your dark-skinned which is chocolate, you have your honey which is me-I’m in the middle, and you have light-skinned which is caramel, lighter than me. And I’ve been with them, they’re nice, but like I said, I had too much of that. When it comes to Asians I’ve been with, they’re like a nice fried rice when they have a man smell. But then when I’ve been with someone Latino, cause Latinos-they’re not like a racist nationality-when it comes to white Latinos that’s like the beef cream but I’ll get into that when I explain it. But, and Native Americans I’ve been with, when I had their man smell, it’s like spaghetti because they’re like a red people with their man smell. But guys with cocks, they’re like the sandwich cream section, and you have your beef cream sandwich-whether they’re tangy with dark hair or European with dark hair...German. When it comes to red-haired guys they’re like the barbeque-buffalo cream, you know? And when it comes to guys with blonde hair, they’re the chicken cream. And when it comes to guys with silver-white-gray hair, they’re like the um...seafood cream...they’re like the seafood-trout cream. And when it comes to the transsexual guys that I hope I get to deal with, I like to see them like pasta cream. Cause like I said, [...] the way I see the farts with whites, you have your [...] there’s a sandwich section-guys with the cocks-and then there’s the [...] pasta section. That’s why, like I said, when it came to the rings, when a transsexual guy choose to fart, the fart can go like an 8, then when it comes to guys with a hole y’all are like the sandwich put together, you know what I’m saying? Like I said, I will smell between the balls and the anus with the pants on, or without the pants on. But gray sweatpants, they are my weakness, they really is. I love jeans, and I love [...], but not a lot of guys...

@HairyBurgher: I will say I’m not a stranger to loving some sweatpants. Do you enjoy the smell of your own farts?

Thursday: No, eww.

@HairyBurgher: No?

Thursday: I told you I’m not a cream, I like the cream farts.

[What’s so special about a white fart?]

Thursday: No matter what you eat, [...] it’s just something about y’all genetics, the way y’all were made it just has that cream smell that I love, that I’m addicted to. I don’t care if y’all eat any type of food on the planet, it just has that cream smell that I just can’t get over. Like if you was to eat black soul food, you would still have that rich cream smell that I’m addicted to.

@VictorVaselino (off-camera): Have you ever had any lovers that would not participate in your fart aspect?

Thursday: Yes

@VictorVaselino (off-camera): How did that work out?

Thursday: I’m not playing games. Most of them say like “Eww, who wants someone to do that? I don’t do that.” Cause most of the lovers I had they was either into, they wanted to top or bottom…see, but I’m tired of it. I gotta be super, super submissive and I like to wear women’s shirts and be sexy, but at the same time when it comes to times where I don’t wanna look like that, I wanna be kinky. And I can’t find no kinky white guy that can do that for me.

@HairyBurgher: I think that I have a pretty good grasp on the “creams,” and you being the “pasta,” or the “noodle funnel…”

Thursday: I’m the noodle funnel, but when it comes to the [trans] guys they are the pasta, and when it comes to the guys with the cocks, they are the sandwich.

[Any other fetishes?]

Thursday: I like to, every once in awhile, watch a girl lick a guy's ass. Sometimes I like sucking toes. But what I like to do with eyes, I like to rub my lips and nose on the eyes. You know, like you have nice eyes. I’m an eye-lover.

@HairyBurgher: Heard that before.

Thursday: I don’t mean to sound strange, I like to lick ass. What’s funny even though I like to lick ass and smell farts, sometimes I [don’t] like when I get mucus in my throat. And sometimes it takes me more than 5 days to get it out my system. So that’s why after awhile I said "Not-uh, we’ll kiss-I’ll kiss your eyes and I’ll kiss your cheeks, but no more French-kissing." Because you know how it takes a while to get the mucus out your throat? It gets annoying. That’s why I stopped with the tongue-kissing. It’s okay to be different, and everybody in the gay community don’t get AIDS, and everybody don’t get kicked out. And if we are segregated, you know, a lot of us are different. Because like I said, I get tired of when they show blacks…I got it double-ways: blacks were always thugs and gays were a disgrace. So me, I learned in my head to cook up something different to make everyone feel comfortable. Because like I said, I feel cheated out of my life and I kinda want to get it back and my escape is, like I said, the fetish I got... that’s my number 1 escape. [About his hairstyle] I do this because I like to represent bare trees, because like I said when I deal with guys I like to consider myself like a land form geography. A lot of men feel like they have to be one setting, and no you don’t. Like me, take me for example, I’m a yin and a yang put together. I like to be like the woman and the man together, where I’m kinda like the color green-blue and yellow mixed up. You know, that’s how I see it.

[Describe your ideal fart scene]

Thursday: Let’s say it starts off where I play like a college guy, and there’s some college guy whether he’s kinda heavy, or medium, or plump, and he take me home cause he’s my study-buddy and I say “I hate math,” because in real life I do hate math. [...] And he takes me to meet his father, and his father could be either thin, heavy, or medium, or just regular build. And he tells his father that I’m his study-buddy and he’s like trying to [sic] tutor me. And we go in his room and I say, “Instead of you tutor[ing] me, can I please get some of those answers so I can cheat [...] cause I hate math?” And once I beg him and I say please like I do, and I go to sniff his butt he fall in love with it. And his father peek in the room, and his father is moved by what I’m doing. And his father kinda comes in and joins the action. When I make love with both of their farts, it goes from me smelling their butts with the pants they’re wearing whether it’s jeans, or gray sweatpants, or the father can wear suit pants. [About his trans fantasy] It’s these trans guys where they’re lovers, but at the same time they use my dick as a toy. But more than using my dick as a toy, they take turns sitting on my face. You ever see a strap-on where someone put it on someone’s mouth and they use it to fuck? I would like a trans man to do that to me where [...] he farts and and fucks the toy with his clitoris and his pasta, and then I smell his farts. [Looks down] Ooh! I’m sorry, I’m horny right now as I explain because I’m so hard for farts.

@HairyBurgher: It’s okay.

Thursday: I can’t show that right now, I know. I’m horny… [Looks down again] Go back to sleep! Whoa god, I’m horny.

@HairyBurgher: [Pointing at Thursday’s crotch] Hush, child, hush.

Thursday: My bullet is out right now.

@HairyBurgher: We do want to make your dream come true.

Thursday: Really?

@HairyBurgher: So we are going to…

Thursday: This isn’t a game, right?

@HairyBurgher: We are going to film a scene.

@VictorVaselino: The time is now, the time is now… Ready… 1… 2...

[The most magnificent fart escapes Victor’s cheeks]

Thursday: Whooaah, ooohhh... I just married a fart for life. Thank you! These are the 3 rings I got. Yup… see? The 3 rings. I just married a fart for life, thank you. [Jumps up and down] Ahh, yes! [Does a somersault on the ground] Now I’m happy. I can die happy.

We at GayHotMovies.com have the utmost respect for Thursday and his aspirations. Some gay men have a hard time just coming out as a bottom…to themselves. We applaud him for going after what makes him happy and for being loud and proud. We hear from so many that our life goals should be to do what we love and he is going at it without abandon. So, kudos to him. We will end by saying that every time we fart, we now think of Thursday Lane. His story is a classic tale of the struggle for ultimate happiness. It’s a tale as old as time, but it does take a brave man to step forward and represent.

GayHotMovies.com wishes Thursday all of the best and look forward to writing his star bio for our site. We will gladly host your scenes and have them be exclusive to GHM. So, stay tuned folks! I want to reference “A Star Is Born”, but I know nothing about it, instead I will quote Thursday Lane: “I have dreams of making a difference in the world one day.” – Thursday Lane, breaking barriers since 2015.

Any of you Philadelphia boys out there want to help us out? Please email Ryan@GayHotMovies.com

There’s more where that “came” from… Follow Editor/Writer/Pervert @HairyBurgher Now go on and get hard at GayHotMovies.com! Also follow @VictorVaselino and @BridgetXXXXXXX