Gajodhar Mishra, a man from Varanasi who had stepped out to buy a plate of jalebis two days ago, hasn’t yet been able to return home because of streets blocked by heaving crowds and vehicles participating in the string of roadshows by BJP, AAP, Congress and SP.

Watching helplessly from one side of the road as yet another procession marched by, Gajodhar said, “Arre bhaiya, hum pareshan hain [I’m frustrated]. I had set out yesterday morning to get some doodh jalebi for breakfast, but while returning I stumbled into Narendra bhai’s unofficial road show, with tens of thousands of people blocking the street. When I tried to edge between them towards the other side of the road, some chap gave me a plate of dhokla, a saffron cap to wear, and shouted, “Ache din aane waale hain!”

“Just when I thought Modi’s rally was over and it was safe to cross the road, there came Kejriwal’s topi sporting chaps, led by some bald chap screaming obscenities. By the time those guys passed, I had dozed off on the sidewalk, and woke up in the morning only to find myself in the middle of Rahul Gandhi’s rally. Raj Babbar was distributing Rs 12 to everyone to have a lavish meal for the day. And as soon as this rally ended, we had our Chief Minister Akhilesh Singh swaggering down the street with his red topi sporting pehelwans.”

“Then there was the Bahujan Samaj Party rally, then the communists, followed by a roadshow by The UnReal Times chaps! Makes me wonder if I am in Kashi or in some Brazilian carnival?”

“When it seemed all the roadshows had gone by, and the road finally seemed OK to cross, a horde of journalists surrounded me and asked me questions like: “Who is a bigger blow to Modi – Rahul or Arvind Kejriwal?”, “Is there a Modi wave?”, “Why will you not vote for Modi?” “What is your caste?”

Gajodhar has now decided to settle on the sidewalk until elections got over and the road becomes safe to cross. “In hindsight,” said Gajodhar as he prepared to turn in for the night. “I should have participated in each rally like my neighbor Brjilal Yadav, and made a neat sum of money. FML. Why didn’t I think of it earlier?”