IMRAN GASHKORI | Sports Editor | Contact

After wrangling a significant pay increase for international male and female cricketers, as well as professional state players, the national men’s team has attempted to justify it as they stare down a hefty first Test chase in Dhaka.

Up against the Newcastle Knights of the test cricketing world, Australia came close to being humbled as they carry a huge 158-run deficit into the second innings.

“Yeah, fuck,” said captain Steve Smith.

“Didn’t see this coming, brus. I still picture Bangladesh being shown an absolute clinic by Jason Gillespie in his last Test when he scored that double tonne,”

“Now they’re all over us, brus. Brus, we’re not in good shape but I’m confident we can bounce back. Can’t believe I got bowled, aye? [laughs] Fucking rekt [sic].”

However, when prompted by The Advocate as to why the nations top cricketers should get a pay rise if they can’t even walk all over Bangladesh, Smith said that his pads would fit our reporter if he thinks he can do better.

“How about you have a go, cunt?” he said.

“These blokes are actually fucking good, it’s fucked,”

“If I lose here, I’m fucked. Alan Border will flog me half to death with a stump.”

More to come.