There's been a lot of talk in the news lately about raising the minimum wage. The Democrats seem to be in favor, claiming the current rate is too miniscule to support a family. Republicans counter that the free market, not government, should define the minimum wage, and that you're not supposed to be able to support a family as a fast food fry cook. Personally, while I see truth on both sides, the polarized version of this debate is beyond moronic.

I'm pretty sure most Americans will agree that someone has to have the crappiest jobs, and I'm also positive that, at least since the Great Depression, this country has realized that some amount of government intervention is necessary to police the economy, because if big business had its druthers, french fries would be cooked by children pedaling asbestos bicycles that generate the energy for the stove. What is ultimately deemed the appropriate minimum wage is a matter of math, so feel free to ignore the pointless political rhetoric until numbers are crunched.

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"When I turn 10, they start paying me in real money!"

While I can't promise the average working American a huge raise in hourly compensation, I think there is something else we can all agree on: Lots of annoying customers deserve to die. Especially customers who make cliche crappy jokes over and over. Accordingly, until this whole minimum wage thing gets worked out, I would like to provide some relief to workers by proposing that they be allowed to commit homicides with impunity when confronted with these five jokes.