"I'll develop a proper, phonetic, linguistic-capable vocal cord for monkeys...for lions and tigers", Swami Nithyananda also said.

Swami Nithyananda, a godman you may know from the Ranjitha "sex tape" scandal, says he can make cows speak to you in Tamil and Sanskrit.

And how does he hope to give non-human animals the gift of speech and language? "Superconscious breakthrough".

Hungry for more? Hang on, we're just getting to the good part. In a video that's now gone viral (see below), Nithyananda says he'll establish this using science.

Start taking notes, lovers of logic and reason.

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"I will demonstrate.." Nithyananda says, pausing for dramatic effect, "Monkeys and other few animals...which do not have many of the internal organs we all have...by initiating them into superconscious breakthrough, they will grow these organs -- and I'll establish it, prove it through scientific, medical...[research]."

Then, Nithyananda hits you with this.

"I am declaring [this] after testing this software yesterday. Yesterday, actually, I casually tested this software. It was perfectly working [sic]."

Didn't see that coming, did you?

"Let this be on record. Within a year, I'll establish this."

Oh, it's on record now. But there's more.

The next line wouldn't look out of place in a scientific abstract, if only for the academese.

"I'll develop a proper, phonetic, linguistic-capable vocal cord for monkeys...for lions and tigers".

Has Nithyananda considered the dangers of testing on lions? The legality? But we digress -- let him continue.

"We are going to have bulls and cows which will talk to you very clearly -- legitimately -- in Sanskrit and Tamil."

The only thing more incredible than these claims is the credulity that greets them. Watch the video: Drum beats, trumpets and acclamations follow these grand pledges.

Animals will also talk in future.....our desi guru scientist #Nityananda claims. Simply WOW!.... So we can talk to monkeys and cows in local language.#God are you Watching? pic.twitter.com/Pj9pwbJE2p dinesh akula (@dineshakula) September 18, 2018

But of course, Nithyananda may know better. This is the same man who was filmed 'debunking' Einstein's most famous equation: E = mc2

And part of that physics lecture was this gem: "Matter is continuity, energy is intensity...The intensity and continuity is separate [sic] for a non-veg crooked brain, which has seen only ups and downs. Only a vegetarian brain, which can retain the experiences continuously without losing the intensity, can understand 'm' and 'c' is not 'mc'."

"It's emceeeeeeeeeeee," Nithyananda says, tracing a line with his palm.

Phew, that was...er...intense, wasn't it? Doctoral students at Harvard and MIT who're searching for a thesis may look no further.

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