GEORGE Osborne has told anti-austerity protestors to knock themselves out when it comes to marching.

The chancellor said: “I was in my office on Saturday, putting the finishing touches to my £12bn welfare cuts Excel spreadsheet, when I looked up to see 250,000 people stomping about outside.

“Call me old fashioned, but I can’t see the point of walking around in the rain to try and stop someone – in this case, me – doing something they’re definitely going to do anyway. However, if people are into it, then who am I to stand in their way?

“Go nuts.”

Osborne added: “For future reference, the one thing about marching that I am bang into is the humourous placards. I’m an absolute sod for a funny sign, so I specifically waited till Sunday to announce the cuts, just in case I spotted a cracker on Saturday, and decided to change my mind.

“Unfortunately, the best on offer was one of me as Leonardo DiCaprio with the slogan, ‘The Wolf of Downing Street’. That’s just shit.

“But the main reason I’m doing this is to make Charlotte Church unhappy. She knows why.”