Courts unfair to single fathers, laments group

This was said by a member of the Single Fathers Association of Trinidad and Tobago (SFATT), in an interview with Newsday on Saturday. The father, who identified himself as a Fire Officer, asked not to be named because his custody case is still before the court.

“It would mean the world to me if I could spend Father’s Day with my daughter. My life changed when I found out I was going to be a father. I always wanted to be the best parent for her. It’s Father’s Day, I’m not asking for much, I just want her with me,” he said.

On Tuesday last, this Fire Officer stood in a forum called “Fatherhood in Society: Issues and Solutions” hosted by SFATT. As tears rolled down his cheek, the Fire Officer described the tumultuous custody battle he has been going through with his ex-girlfriend for his six-year-old daughter.

He accused the system, both police and magistrates, of being biased toward mothers. He said while the court ruled for him to pick up his daughter at the police station, the mother does not comply. He stated the mother has also made false allegations against him without proof, yet there is a protective order against him, and he is not able to see his daughter.

It has been two months since he has seen his daughter for a half an hour in family court, and four years since his family has been able to spend time with her. He told Newsday, “The family courts are taking the family out of the court.”

Despite this, he is optimistic that he will win his custody battle because probation officers have ruled he is fit to take care of the child.

“I provide everything for her (his daughter). There is nothing I have not done for her. My daughter’s room is filled with toys, televisions, and a lap top. She does not want for anything. I spoil my daughter. I would do anything for her. I fed her, I changed her diapers, and I prepared her food,” he said.

“I just want the chance to raise my daughter. I want to take her to church, help her with her homework, and teach her how to ride a bike,” he said. At the forum, Robert Fields, president of SFATT, said, “There is a lack of appreciation for fathers. Society has turned their backs on fathers and men. Men aren’t taken seriously.”

Men are treated as if they are not capable of taking care of the children or the home, Field said. He described the scenario where if a man attempted to change a diaper, the mother would scold him for doing it incorrectly instead of being shown the proper way to change a diaper.

This type of treatment would discourage men from taking an active role in their family, he explained. He said this type of thinking also leads to the stereotyping of men as being unable to take care of the children because they were not “natural nurturers”. From the views of many SFATT fathers at the forum, this stereotype was untrue and unfair to the men who want to care for their child. On Friday, the Ministry of Gender, Youth and Child Development hosted a men only discussion on fatherhood and masculinity. Men from different ministries were invited to discuss their experience as fathers and the experience they had with their fathers.

After the forum, Newsday spoke to a man who identified himself as Anthony. He said he is a single father of a three-year-old boy, and he is excited about spending Father’s Day with him.

Anthony does not have a court arrangement with his ex-girlfriend because he fears there will be an unfair ruling from the court in favour of the mother. Currently he shares custody with the mother, but Anthony said at times she uses his son against him, as a weapon to control him, primarily because she wants Anthony to return to the relationship.

“Men are now afraid of leaving the relationship, because they are afraid of the loss of the child,” said Dexter Mahadeo, Public Relations Officer for SFATT.

The courts’ bias towards women, make men afraid to leave the relationship because the women would get the custody of the children, Mahadeo said. He further said many men are afraid of contesting the court custody agreement because the women would give their “trump card” of accusing the men of sexual abuse. He said if a woman accused a father of sexually abusing the child, the man would be barred from seeing his child for a year before the court could settle the matter. The father would only be allowed visitation rights for an hour in the family court. SFATT held a walk at Queen’s Park Savannah, Port-of-Spain yesterday to raise awareness of the plight of single fathers. National Security Minister Emmanuel George, who was at the walk, showed his support for the men and their families. “There needs to be more of a balance in this. In many cases a (court) decision has the effect of separating the father from his children,” George said.