Phoebe Lay on the set of One in One Hundred.

Earlier this year 24-year-old Melbourne-born Phoebe Lay found herself in Shanghai on a televised dating show called "One in a Hundred". Packed with manufactured tears and hard luck stories, this wildly popular show is aired every Friday evening in Mainland China. Phoebe appeared in a special episode featuring Chinese people living in Australia. This is her story:

It all started with my mum. She was in a rush to find me a Chinese boyfriend after coming out of a relationship with a Westerner and being single for over a year. Every week my mum and grandma would ask about my dating life. They'd tell me not to be so picky and to keep going on dates. Every now and then I would get a phone call from one of mum’s friends saying they'd found someone to set me up with – always the son of a friend of a friend. Then one day they caught wind of news a Chinese dating show was coming to Australia for auditions.

Initially I was extremely reluctant, but after some serious convincing conceded to go to the Melbourne audition, just to meet new people. There the director sat me down and asked all these extremely personal questions: "what was the reason behind your last break up?", "what's your income?", "what is your shoe size?" I was worried all my answers would come up on a screen, including my income! And I didn't know what they were going to do with my waistline.

Phoebe Lay with other guests on the show.

Another was, "what do you believe Chinese people expect in terms of financial responsibility between husband and wife?" My mum had told me in China the woman always looks after finances and bills. I added, probably because they don't want their husbands spending money on other women outside the marriage! They had a real laugh about that.


I didn't think I'd make it far, but they liked me because I had the Chinese mentality while still being very Westernised. Still, I was nervous. With no television experience and my Mandarin not up to scratch, how was I to fluently express myself? Not only that, I was to be the only Australian-born contestant. I remember arguing with my mum over pulling out of the show, even after my flights were booked and my short notice leave approved; there was no way of getting out of it.

I was expecting the game show to be fair, where I would meet the male contestants on stage and we'd be judged by our feelings. But it was all pre-written. The director had a meeting with us the day before the show and we had to submit our answers to a series of profile questions before taping. I was at a major disadvantage because our answers had to be written in Chinese. Judging by our profiles, each contestant had already selected their top three choices and the directors had these matches in mind.

A screent shot from Phoebe Lay's episode.

On stage, the other girls were really good at selling themselves and putting the guys on the spot; it felt like we were reporters at a press conference - before you knew it the mic would be snatched away from you. One of the girls asked the contestant, "While you were singing I noticed you winked at me. Was my beauty so dazzling it stung your eyes?" They were very forward. And many of them were really serious about finding their soul mate. One of the girls, Rebecca, became the "princess" of the show. All the guys wanted to pick her.

The show is very big in Shanghai. Every episode has a lot of crying and touching moments, but a lot of it's fake. For example, one of the girls said she'd made the contestant homemade dumplings, to show how much she liked him. But backstage you would have seen an assistant pouring a take away container of dumplings into a bowl. Then she fed it to him, putting each into his mouth.

I ended up picking this 29-year-old guy called Vic because he was the most Australian of all the contestants, although they were all born in China. He said he liked bike riding and art, so he seemed to have more in common with me than the others. He seemed a bit manlier. His video intro said he made 450,000 RMB/year as a car sales representative, and was in the Army Reserves.

We all took turns asking him questions on air. I asked, if his girlfriend had the chance to work overseas would he go with her? He gave a very heroic response: "I would go anywhere for the right girl". There were other questions too like, "What were your exes like: timid or outspoken and controlling?"

Most of the girls flipped their cards, which meant they were bowing out, but I'd already agreed to leave mine open, even thought I wasn't overly interested. The director really wanted me on screen because they liked that I was radiographer. In China they're like doctors, it's considered unique. In fact, they'd printed a slogan on my name card "searching for an x-ray of love" - how cheesy!

I was one of three who still had their cards open, which gave him the option of using certain criterion to filter out girls. He still had no idea who'd turned their cards and the first he selected was a minimum height of 163cm. Height is a bit of a national obsession in China. I was out by 2cm, and so turned my card. One of the hosts then tells him there's a girl who she thinks is a really suitable candidate but is just below his height requirement.

They also gave him a chance to see whom the "computer" had matched him with, which turned out to be Rebecca. They held hands on stage for 20 seconds, and looked into each other's eyes to see how they felt. Rebecca started crying; meanwhile I'm still awkwardly standing in the background (laughs). But actually I was really happy for them! My motivation for coming on the show was the free trip to Shanghai and the fear my mum might never speak to me again if I didn't take this opportunity to see the real world.

Rebecca then tells this moving story of her life. She came to Australia when she was young, all on her own, and worked hard all her life. At 29, she now owns three houses and has been able to bring her parents over to Australia. She also said, "I don't like when people look at me and think I'm really Western just because I dyed my hair light, and I'm tanned and fit. I'm actually quite traditional." Everyone says they're traditional.

All Chinese guys want someone who is wife material - traditional girls, who will get along with their mother. Chinese women want wealthy guys. Period. I had coffee with a friend from China recently who wanted to set me up with a guy she emphasized was "wealthy and generous". There was just one catch: he's 17. I said, "are you serious?" "But he's wealthy and generous," she replied.

At the show climax they revealed it wasn't just the computer that matched them, Vic had picked Rebecca as well. The judges finished with: "what are you doing still standing here? Go and give her a hug!" It seemed the perfect match. But the next evening at our farewell dinner, Vic and Rebecca were already over each other. My family reckons the whole thing was faked. I'll never take a Chinese dating show seriously again! That said, next week I'm going to Sydney for a little reunion with the other contestants. Vic too.