Last week, Robert Vadra bitch-slapped the entire nation.

Yes, our nation, with its pride on morals, culture and beliefs, was delivered a resounding bitch-slap on the face, the kind that a Bollywood hero delivers to the heroine when he catches her doing scandalous things like sipping some wine.

Not so surprisingly, none of the media houses seem to be talking about it. And apart from The Hindu, no newspaper is even doing a follow-up story on the issue. But then, that’s our media. Last year, the Journalists Federation of India awarded Haryana CM Bhupinder Singh Hooda the best CM of the country.

Before you wonder “Who,da?”, here’s interesting trivia. From 1982 to 2005, only 5,550 acres were allotted for real estate development. Since 2005, when the ‘Best CM’ of the country assumed power, 20,549 acres were allotted to property developers. If this is the best CM, I can only imagine how the Chief Ministers who are not the best, would be faring.

Now, Robert Vadra is a strange fellow. For many years, I thought the guy was an unassuming bloke who got lucky in marriage. All that changed in 2010, when he gave an interview to the Times of India, saying “I’ll join politics when I can make a difference”. He also went on to say that he could win an election from anywhere, but chooses not to.

I wondered what the guy thought of himself! I mean, for a guy whose only link with politics was to be married to a political family, that sort of confidence either meant he was a confident, shrewd man, or an absolute buffoon. The proceedings over the last week have proven that when compared to this guy, even Rahul Gandhi seems like Albert Einstein.

When Kejriwal accused Vadra of wrong doings, three things shocked me:

Cabinet ministers coming in support: Now, I can understand if he was a Congress minister, or even a minister in a coalition. The guy isn’t even a goddamn politician. What the fuck are you defending him for? And that too, someone like Chidambaram….? IAS Officer transferred: Ashok Khemka, the IAS Officer who initiated the investigations against the deal, was immediately transferred. Sometimes, the quick action our administration takes is quite inspiring. Mango People: Proving that he was, after all, a moron, Vadra put up a message on Facebook saying “Mango People in a Banana Republic”. We live in a nation where a guy who has married into a political family, when accused of wrongdoings, could call the nation a ‘Banana Republic’

That sealed it for me. This guy, surely, was nuts. An ape in the midst of a shrewd, powerful family.

Laughably, the same Haryana government that was doling out land like Santa Claus on Christmas, gave the guy a clean chit.

I knew Kejriwal didn’t stand a chance in the court of law. There is no law preventing a company from selling and buying at any price it deems fit, and so there would be no case there.

But the more important question that the court should have asked was, “What business did DLF have in giving unsecured loans to someone who wasn’t even in the field of Real Estate two years ago?” There are rules, there is law, and then there are ethics.

And that is how, as a nation, we were bitch-slapped. Asked to shut up, and left like little puppies to whimper at trucks that go by.

But here’s how to screw Robert Vadra.

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Every year, all the news channels organise their annual awards ceremonies. Sycophantic mutual masturbation clubs where everybody compliments everybody, and returns home after a good dinner.

Like the CNN Indian of the Year award, which as a matter of fact, Rahul Gandhi won in 2009 in the field of politics. So what you’re telling me is, this guy, with no administrative experience, no official position in the government, having brought in no reforms or policies whatsoever, was the Indian of the Year? God save our country then!

There is also the Economic Times Award for Corporate Excellence that awards the best performing businesses in the country. Then there are the CNBC-CRISIL awards with a category called the CRISIL Real Estate Awards.

Business Today’s Most Powerful Men in Business, the Indian Business Awards, the Emerging India Business Awards, and a bunch of other Business Awards.

Now, if Vadra’s business is all clean and legitimate, it is an astounding story of business growth.

For someone who was selling handicrafts and other handlooms, to get into a competitive field like Real Estate and go from a 50 lakhs to 300 crores is an unbelievable achievement.

In a time when the world is reeling from recession, and entire countries going bankrupt and people being fired from their jobs, the guy has been made the Director, Addl. Director, or MD in twelve companies in the last six years. To show an exponential growth rate of above 500% when the nation’s economy is tottering at 6%, is an achievement.

I mean, the guy is a miracle, a business force to reckon with, our own Steve Jobs.

Shouldn’t he get an award?

So this is what the media houses should do.

Invite him for these awards. Award him for his excellence. Ask him to stand in front of business leaders, lawyers, and accountants, and talk about the secrets of his success. That should wipe the smug smile off the douchebag’s face.

I mean, his businesses are all clean, right? He deserves accolades, then.

And maybe then, I will have some respect for Indian media.

So, I’m waiting, Mr. Arnab Goswami. Instead of barking into our ears every night, strap some balls on, and give the guy some much needed awards.

Are you listening, Mr. Goswami? Like you keep reminding us, India needs an answer.