March 19 (5 Discord):

Mojoday

(PD) (for those of Lord Omar’s sect,

Lingananday

) Have an

argument with a friend over which Five Star Saint’s holyday it really is--especially in front of

people who haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about. Take turns chanting “Mojo” and

Lingananda.” Switch sides. Use as many obscure Discordian references as possible. Good

places for this are parks, buses, and city council meetings.



March 25 (11 Discord):

Discordians for Jesus

/Love Your Neighbor Day

(DJ). Do you love

Jesus? Would you like to love your neighbor? Then this is the holiday for you! Tell your

Fundamentalist Christian neighbors that the tradition-breaking, authority-challenging, logic-

twisting, wise-cracking, trouble-making Jesus of Nazareth was really a proto- Discordian. Then

ask them if they want to love you back. Be prepared to run.



April 1 (18 Discord):

April Fool’s Day

(O). Fool friends for fun. Fool enemies for fun. Fool

yourself for even more fun. If possible, switch positions/possessions/clothing with your boss,

employee, teacher, student, parent, child, master, slave, etc. for the day. Let them see how hard

it really is to be you. See how easy it is to be them.



April 2 (19 Discord):

St John the Blasphemist Day

(ED). Commit blasphemy against Goddess

Discordia! Write your representatives and demand they outlaw "funny religions;" send one

hour's salary to the most Aneristic organization you can think of; or eat a bun with a hot dog

made out of the Sacred Chao. On second thought, recognizing a holy day wouldn't be

blasphemist. So instead of actually celebrating it, call in sick to work or school and claim a

migraine or diarrhea or a swollen pineal gland. Then spend all day sleeping, going fishing or

having sex.



April 6 (23 Discord):

Jake Day

(O). Get a group of people to send letters, postcards, faxes,

emails, etc. all to hopefully arrive at some business or government agency you want to Jake on

this day (you’re allowed to do Jakes on other days as well, of course). The messages should

address non-existent concerns, imaginary problems, or be just plain weird. Examples: assert that

your family’s woolly mammoth should be allowed to run for king, or that you’re positive the

president is actually a pineapple. Jakes should be fun, not threatening, and are all part of

Operation Mindfuck.



May 3 (50 Discord):

Discoflux

(PD).

Holyday of the Season of Discord

. Again, the

Principia



Discordia

doesn’t tell us what to do, but do something that promotes Discord, or maybe Disco.

Dress as you would to go to a disco sometime in the 1950s through 1970s, imagine you’re the

Disco King or Queen (or both), then begin dancing to the music in your head. Pretend the

discotheque is at your local market, a playground, or in front of a house of worship. Leave

before the police arrive. If one shows up before you depart, tell the officer, “Love the threads.

Wanna boogie?” If the officer declines the invitation, apologize profusely for your mistake and

claim you forgot to take your medication. Better yet, forget the whole thing.



May 23 (70 Discord):

Jake Day Jr.

(DJ)/

Day of the Elppin

(MH). Pull some small Jakes or

practical jokes, especially those that cause embarrassment or the loss of personal modesty. In

other words, do like the Elppin do. Remember, junior jakes should be fun! And legal. Don't

forget legal.



May 25 (72 Discord):

Towel Day

(O). Are you one hoopy frood who really knows where your

towel is? Well, you should be! Keep a towel with you all day today. People respect those who

carry a towel. And if you meet someone who is too foolish to show you respect, use your towel to

cover your eyes. They'll assume that if you can't see them, they can't see you, and they'll leave

you alone. At least that's the theory.

