It’s been a couple of days since I posted my note to the College of Cardinals about removing me from the list of potential new Popes – and I haven’t heard back. I’m getting a little worried.

Suppose they insist? Do you think instead of the Vatican they’d let me be Pope right here from our Greenville homestead? I couldn’t wear those funny hats because our doorways aren’t high enough. Every time I entered a room someone would have to put the thing back on my head. That could be a hassle. And what if it freaked out the dogs? They don’t even like the mailman’s uniform.

The biggest problem is the Cardinals probably wouldn’t like what I had to say about God. I saw this great FAQ at reddit.com. Just about every God idea seems to have a name and a bunch of true believers. After reading about Secular Humanism, Transhumanism, Skepticism, Rationalism, Empiricism, Positivism, Postmodernism, Materialism, Naturalism, Nihilism and a dozen other isms I decided there are probably folks out there who came to the same conclusion I have. But I’d have to spend too many of my remaining days sorting through the isms to find them. And splitting firewood is more fun.

If the Cardinals do pick me I’m going to have to tell them that I think God is simply the nature of things. No bearded guy with a clipboard keeping track of who’s naughty or nice, no supernatural force you can call up to win football games or wars, no heavenly spirit who wants you to donate ten percent of your income. And definitely not somebody who cares about fancy hats and gold relics.

When I drop a stone it falls. Falling is in its nature. Okay, gravity and F=ma and curved space and all that. I’m an old physics major myself and I like science as much as the next guy. But it’s easier to call it nature. It’s in chickens’ nature to lay eggs and wood’s nature to burn and make heat. And do all of it with balance. If I help the balance, I’m in sync with God. And if I work against it, then I’m asking for trouble – working against God.

Killing neighbors to fatten your bank account – against nature. Putting re-election before the common good – not good. Sucking profit out of the weak with lotteries, tobacco, alcohol, drugs, corporate servitude – it breaks the balance.

But there are a thousand folks who’ve already said that more eloquently. It’s just that they’re hard to hear over all the guys hawking fear and magic. Maybe if I said it in Latin with a really big hat…