ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A directionless 28-year-old young professional from the wilds of Sydney’s inner western corridor threw caution to the wind earlier this spring and moved to Amsterdam.

Betoota Heights-born and French Quarter-raised Blake Jefferies told friends and family before he left for Europe that he needed something in his life that the rich, go-centric bosom of Australia couldn’t give him.

A sense of purpose.

He told our reporter via telephone this morning that he only plans to spend between one and eight years living in Europe’s Gold Coast before he moves back home.

But home isn’t a tastefully half-renovated terrace in the heart of our cosmopolitan desert community’s Old City District, it’s a bolt hole in Melbourne’s Fitzroy caliphate complete with someone’s spray tag on his back fence.

“That’s ultimately what I want,” he said.

“Moving straight to Melbourne is a bit of an advanced move. It’s our most European city, you know. I know, I know, it’s a tired old joke. But in humour, there’s always a bit of truth,”

“Melbourne, when you think about it, is a pretty fucked place. Things breaking down, lots of those Eureka Flag waving fascists. Every other day, there’s some horrific murder. Gangs of thugs roaming the streets. People smoking while they eat. To a Queenslander, it’s not very appealing,”

“Amsterdam on the other hand, it’s like Melbourne but they speak with a weird accent and everyone working in hospitality loves being a cunt to you if you’re not from there. The stairs are also step. I could talk about the bikes until the cows come home but there’s grass everywhere in Holland so they never have to, unless you milk them.”

More to come.

