LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

A leaked job application form for a local sky diving company has today revealed that applicants are only required to have the numeracy skills equivalent to that of a toddler.

The application came across our desks early this morning and sent alarm bells ringing, how could someone who holds another human’s life in their hands only have to know how to count to two.

Late 50s and slippery business owner, Jerry Guilaia, defends his hiring criteria, stating that they never get to 3 anyway – but admits it is probably worth finding some blokes that can at least get to three.

“It makes sense, I spose”

“We do got a rule here. Jump on two, that’ll do”

“All these bucket list tickers get up there and chicken out, it’s a waste of fuel if we just fly them back down”

“So, you do the old count to three trick. One, two, then push ‘em out!” said Jerry accompanied by a guttural laugh followed by a phlegmy coughing fit.

It does seem that having any higher numeracy skills is a bit redundant in this particular instance, however we raised some concerns around the other scenarios where an employee might need to count higher than two, reading air pressure for example.

“Hah! You just go by gut on that shit. It’s all guess work, mate.”

“Yeah, I spose it’s a good look. Considers us officially hiring anyone who can count past two”

Following our interview with Jerry we looked up his business on TripAdvisor, Sky High Adventures has somehow managed to score negative stars – an incredibly alarming score, especially for a sky diving company.