Giovanni Trapattoni refused to label Thierry Henry a cheat despite the France captain admitting to the Republic of Ireland's players that he had handled the ball in the build-up to the goal that won the World Cup play-off for his team. The manager, however, admitted that Fifa's fair play campaign had been damaged on a night when conspiracy theory and controversy raged.

"It was ridiculous really and unfortunately it's what we thought was going to happen," said the Ireland defender Richard Dunne. "The World Cup is run by people who want to decide who gets there. Big teams get big decisions. The referee says he was 100% certain that Henry didn't handball it but Henry said [to me] that he did.

"He said that he handballed it but he didn't mean it and we deserved to win. It is there for all to see but that's not going to change anything. It's not a difficult one to see. The linesman was in line with it. We deserved to win. We could have got a couple of goals but theirs knocked the stuffing out of us."

Fifa had sparked uproar in Ireland by announcing in late September that the play-off draw would be seeded. "With the draw Fifa wanted France and Portugal to go through and that's what happened," Liam Brady, the assistant manager, said. "You saw the goal and that's enough said. It's a bad day for football. When it comes to the crunch, the big teams always seem to go through."

Henry handled twice after appearing to be in an offside position at the free-kick that led to the incident from which he squared for William Gallas to score France's extra-time goal, which gave them a 2-1 aggregate win and safe passage to the finals in South Africa next summer. Trapattoni was asked whether he felt cheated. "I don't wish to speak these words," he said. "You saw the game. All of Europe saw the situation. For sure, in these two games, we deserved to go to South Africa but the result is different. I want to make it clear that it's not Henry's fault.

"I prefer that we'd have gone out on penalties and I am sad because the referee had time to ask the linesman and also to ask Henry. He should have done that and I am sure Henry would have confirmed that he had handled. It wouldn't be the first time that a referee asks a player whether it was or it wasn't. It wouldn't have been out of place to ask. This is not good for fair play. I have been to schools many times to talk about fair play. I tell the young children that it's so important in life. This is a bitter evening for us."

Trapattoni confronted the Swedish referee, Martin Hansson, on the pitch at full-time. "I said to him that I know many Swedish people but it's possible to make a great mistake."

Henry was hardly contrite afterwards. "I am not the ref," he said. "The ball hit my hand and, I will be honest, the ball hit my hand. It was a handball.

"What did I say to Richard Dunne? I told him. And he told me the same, you are not the ref. That's why the Irish players didn't run to me, they ran to the ref. You can clearly see the opportunity. [Sébastien] Squillaci went to jump with two Irish players and then the next thing I know, the ball hit my arm, I played it, and the ref allowed it. It could have been better to do it in another way but like I said, I am not the ref."

Talk of cheating dominated the post-match talk within the Ireland dressing room. "We got robbed, you can tell by the boys' reaction that it hit his hand blatantly," said the defender Sean St Ledger. "We feel cheated – we were the better team over the two legs, every football fan in the stadium will say we were the better team tonight. It's cost a lot of us our dreams – as a boy I used to dream of playing in the World Cup, and now I'm not.

"He's said it hit his hand accidentally but, if you look at it, you can see it hits his hand twice. I'm not sure Henry's reputation has been tarnished. It doesn't look great but he's got his team to the World Cup finals. If it had been one of our team, we'd have probably done the same."

The striker Kevin Doyle added: "I don't know about the ref not seeing it but the linesman had as good a view as anyone and him not seeing it is embarrassing. It's instinctive and, if you can get away with it … I'm sure he was expecting the free-kick to be given and I can't believe it's not been caught."