Oh, you were thinking this, eh?

Applied Banjo Studies @ VPI

Welp, fuck you! This post is about the REAL fashion of lovely little place settled between the Blue Ridge, the Appalachians, and the New River Valley on some (in the winter) tundra ravaged wasteland of a plateau.

Han, you’re crossing the drillfield in THAT coat?

No, seriously. We all know college kids just wear pajamas and shit, except at UVA and Ole Miss (both 0-1 at the moment…) but what I really wanted to discuss is how a team went from this:

Simple, but not awful?

TO THESE PAJAMA JEAN LOOKING MONSTROSITIES :(

Seriosuly Phil Knight? I hate you.

You might not think those look so bad. But fuck you, you’re wrong. But we’ll get to that.

We have to start this thing somewhere, and I chose, for our opening picture, the jersey set Tech wore at my very first game in Blacksburg. August 31st, 2003. The opponent, UCF. The jersey? Pretty damn plain (like most jerseys in 2003), but pretty damn servicable. 2003 is actually a pretty great year for Tech jersey wise in my opinion. I think sporting fashion is pretty much all about NOT fucking up. No one really expects cutting edge from their sports teams. Most “cutting edge” stuff looks a lot more Colorado Rockies than Oregon Ducks.

Quack quack mother fucker! Get in my van!

Shit got real that year September 18th. Thurday night game in the Terrordome. The opponent? Hurricane Isabel. I mean, Texas A&M. The victor? THOSE GLORIOUS PANTS!

SWEET CHRIST!

So this is arguably our first black jersey because of the 19 inces of rain that fell during that damp nationally televised 35–19 trouncing. Tech had worn all maroon twice in 1998, against UVA and WVU, but THIS moment is truly the birth of the ALL MAROON EVERYTHING movement. Because for the first time, it seemed Tech actually had some interchangable outfit pieces (those pants yall), not just two sets and an occasional throwback (more on those later) or solid color look. From an aesthetic perspective, delicious. W-L record though? Not as much… Tech would go 3–3 the rest of the way whilst that year wearing maroon pants, including losses to Pitt, Cal in the Insight Bowl (QB’d by someone named Aaron Rodgers?) AND our last (seriously, like 13 years ago brahs) loss to The Fighting Jeffersonians.

BEAT THESE FUCKERS THOUGH

Great look, shit game. @ Pitt 2003.

Our plain ass road whites.

2004 brought new excitment. New conference, new jerseys. And arguably, the best team Tech has fielded ever since I first got to Blacksburg. With Marcus Vick serving a year long suspension for, well, you know, some guy named Bryan Randall led Tech to a 10-3 record (after a 2 - 2 start no less) to close out the season with a 3 point loss to undefeated Auburn in the Sugar Bowl (Auburn would later vacate that game due to players not being able to read). And PS, we looked damn good doing it! Nike gave us a look where the maroon shirts had subtle orange piping, the whites had the same piping but in maroon, orange and maroon were both heavily feature as background colors. The background color on the pants connected to the socks, oh, and MAROON PANTS! The pants would only be worn as a road feature this year, no ALL MAROON EVERYTHING.

oh HEY Reggie Bush!

By now you should be sensing a theme. I dig maroon pants. Not so much like I wear them myself, but I love them with the white tops and the standard Tech maroon helmet. I think white pants with white helmets is just 🔥🔥🔥, but I don’t hate our white pants at home with the maroon tops and maroon helmets. Colored helmets with white pants and white tops look like asshole though, most of the time.

White helmet, white pants, white jersey = National Champion

This lil’ badass didn’t come till later, but great shot of the home jersey.

This would be Tech’s look for a while. In September 2005, Nike would be trying fend off an upstart company in Maryland called Under Armour, who at the time was most known for making some stretch ass technical fabric sweat wicking tops. Nike responded by giving their premier teams (VT being one at the time) a two sleeved under shirt, with one sleeve one school color, the other having the opposite.

Shit picture, sorry. First game we wore these.

Is this important? Not really, just know that the concept eventually gave to this… sidenote.

Only wore ’em once. Got our asses beat. Coincidence?

Still better than what Nike gave poor Florida to wear. Gags.

Tech had this set through the conclusion of the 2007 season. The only change that was ever made was the addition of the VT ribbon patch following the shooting of April 16th, 2007 for the entire 2007 season. Interestingly, Tech would be pretty strict in the sets, wearing ONLY maroon pants with white tops on the road, and ONLY white pants with maroon tops at home. Standard helmet the whole time. This would change on a Saturday night win, at home, against Clemson October 6 2006 when ALL MAROON EVERYTHING made its triumphant return.

Hey Boo!

The next week, for the first time since 2003, Tech rolled out in all white. With regular helmet. Ugh.

This is actually a 2007 photo, not 2006. But you get the point.

Fun footnote. Some Georgia Tech students stole four players jerseys out of our locker room for our 2007 game in Atlanta. We summarily beat their ass in their own jerseys. More impressive? We beat them with Sean Glennon at QB.

2008 brought a new set, and a semi Nike mutiny. Nike had given us to what I detestingly refer to as the armpit jerseys. We immediatly lost to East Carolina.

ON A BLOCKED FUCKING KICK

Nike’s concept was to have interchangeable jerseys and pants, with a white, orange and maroon jersey available, as well as white and maroon pants. Sadly, they all had the pit stain concept.

(shivers)

EW. Also first time we had an orange jersey since a 1994 one point loss to UVA.

EW.

EW. But guess who lost this game :)

La Revolution was sparked week 2. September 6th, 2008 is seriously the most important date in modern Virginia Tech football fashion history. Tech rocked an all white “throwback” look, with sweet ass throw back 70’s graphic design helmet. Tech had last worn this throwback look in 2002.

Hey girl.

The helmets unfortunately were only a one game affair. The jerseys? In your fucking dreams. Note the T over V throwback logo in the center of the collar, where the more modern VT joined logo had been the last few years. After a too close for comfort week 4 win @ UNC in the hideous white armpit stain tops, LA REVOLUTION started in earnest in primetime, September 27th in Lincoln, Nebraska.

SUCK IT NIKE

Tech won, and during this jersey sets lifetime spanning 2008–2009, would only wear the white armpit stain top 4 times, which is crazy since Nike designed it as our default away look. Following the Nebraska Throwback Revolution, Tech went 2–2 in the white armpit jersey. Their record in the white throwbacks over the same time period? 4–1. Hmm…

Only other look of note during 2008–2009 was a special alternate Nike designed for us to wear against Maryland in College Park November 14th, 2009. Tech fans might remember the semi-lame “Good Guys Wear White” campaign complete with generic truck commercial voice over guy and background sounds from Alien. Football fashionistas such as myself though remember it for what it was; Nike rolling out Pro Combat for the first time as a mid-year surprise for their elite client schools. Tech throttled Maryland in the rain, and looked fairly good doing it. Nike had more skin in the game for this particular game, as a Maryland alum was the CEO of Under Armour, and had been doing some cool things with the Terps.

Orange to Maroon number and striping fade, first time in a white helmet since 1977.

Tech would rock these again later in the year in Charlottesville against UVA. Because #flaunting.

Tyrod looks pissed for having a dope ass look.

The whole Pro Combat ’09 crew.

Following the fugly armpit debacle of 2008–2009, Tech told Nike’s designers thanks but no thanks, we’ll take it from here. The Nebraska LA REVOLUTION away jersey became the away default. A mirrored maroon version would become the default home look. Much to our AD’s (Jim Weaver) chagrin, Nike for some reason had left the retro T over V logo in the collar instead of reverting to the modern logo. Weaver at the time was on a jihad against classic Hokie/FIGHTING GOBBLER sybolism. He would lose.

Classic and classy look.

Despite this look basically being Virginia Tech between 2010 and 2015 (long ass run), we started 2010 in something a little different in a loss to Boise State at Fed Ex Field in Landover, Maryland. Nike once again rolled out Pro Combat to a few schools for early season games, including Tech’s opponent, Boise State.

Pro Combat 2010 bros, including a shocking inclusion of Nike/Oregon rival Oregon State.

Lost, but looked SICK doing so.

The next week, we lost at home in whites and white helmets. To James Madison. We didn’t wear those helmets again.

Can’t…bring down…FCS…option QB!

We’d wear the standard maroon top/white pants home look the rest of the year, with a white tops/white pants look on the road. We’d wear a different white helmet with a stripe matching our shoulder pads twice later that year, winning 10 consecutive games after losing to Madison, James Madison. The wins in those striped helmets? How about @ Miami, and beating Florida State in Charlotte for the ACC title.

The 2010 season concluded for the Hokies in the 2011 Orange Bowl. We wore orange helmets! Let’s not talk about the game! Or Jim Harbaugh! Or Andrew Luck!

Enjoy your flip phone you fucking goon.

2010 is the year the alternate helmets really got moderatly out of control. Not counting the special 2009 Pro Combat white helmet, the Hokies had used a total of seven different helmets (sevens pretty damn generous because it was basically three helmets, with slight variations) in total program history. But seven. Got it? Ok.

So seven helmets, plus the 09 Pro Combat one, so eight total in school history.

Between the start of the 2010 season to conclusion of the 2015 season, Tech has DEBUTED NINETEEN new helmets. Some baller, some horrific.

While we’ve seen 4/19 of the new helmets from 2010, an additional 4/19 saw the light of day in the 2011 campaign. The first of which was a white throwback T over V Tech rocked against a Hugh Freeze coached Arkansas State team.

You know who can get Chic-Fil-A on Sundays? This guy.

The jersey look is unchanged, but Tech added orange pants and a striping variation of the Orange Bowl helmet in a home game against Marshall.

Stripes our backwards from the 2011 Orange Bowl look, with white on the outside here.

The Hokies added the orange top variant to this set in a home thromping over BC, and it looked great with the throwback white helmet.

“AREN’T YOU GUYS HAPPY WE DON’T GO TO A JESUIT SCHOOL?!?”

The orange pants would come out and play again on the road against Duke, this time with the default helmet.

I can go either way on these. Like both school colors being featured prominently.

Ah, the 3rd and Logan game. On Thursday, November 10th 2011, Tech QB Logan Thomas had a good day. In Atlanta and against familiar (now rival?) VPI foe the Georgia Institute of Technology, Tech seemingly ran a QB sneak on every third down of the game. And it worked. Every third down of the game. The reason? Former UVA player and coach, Al Groh was the defensive coordinator in Atlanta. How do we commemorate this? Three stripes for 3rd and Logan, the two shoulder and the new striped maroon lid.

Seriously, he converted like a 3rd and 8 and got like 20 yards on it. It was laughable.

Tech would later bring out the orange jerseys again, and paid them with the standard maroon helmet in a close home win against North Carolina.

That’s current RB1 for the Bengals Giovani Bernard in blue.

The Hokies would dorn the white throwback helemts with a new stripe to match their shoulders and wear it in wins over Virginia and a loss to Clemson in the ACC title game.

loluva

Nothing special about the 2012 Sugar Bowl jerseys.

THE BALL IS OFF THE GROUND. BIG 12 OFFICIALS CAN EAT MY DICK.

2012 is a year of shitty alternate helmets. Aside from a meh camo look, its really the only thing Tech did in 2012 that was different in years past. 5/19 modern helmets were unveiled. 2/3 were baller, I’m indifferent on one and the other 2 made me embarrassed to have a degree from the school.

Fugly Helmet #1

As a rule, I’m not huge on military appreciation looks. Army, Navy and Air Force have done some really cool looks in the past to commemorate their own branches history, generally to great success. My favorites are below.

One of my favorite of all time. Remember this helmet design.

OH AIR FORCE, SO BALLER

Good look West Point!

TOO MUCH! TOO MUCH WEST POINT!

So mixed emotions on our 2012 camo look. Didn’t really like it, but its not like we could make a worse camo look down the road, could we?

HOW COULD HE SEE DAVID WILSON IF HE WAS CAMOFLAGED?!?

Honestly, instead of all the camo/USA blah blah blah stuff, I’d love for Tech to one day take a page out the service academies playbook. No, not that chicken shit high school offense playbook, but the honoring your own little branch of the military. Being one of two civillian schools in the country that has an independent corp of cadets, I’d rather see Tech take a stab at something that resembles this.

Because we gave up four years of fun in college for YOU damn it!

Rocked this good helmet once against Duke in Blacksburg week 7. Tech started down 20 to nothing, and scored 41 unanswered points to win at home. Despite me liking this look, the ironic part was that it was a “Maroon Effect” game, and we wore…white and orange helmets…?

We’d wear that same helmet the next week in a loss at Clemson.

Oh HEY Sammy Watkins!

So only two new alternate helmets remain to close out 2012. Well, lets get the stinker out the way. WORST. HELMET. WE’VE. EVER. HAD. And we wore it twice! Mother fucking twice! We won both games but who gives a shit, we looked like cartoon clowns. Way to rock the old 90’s cartoon ass kickin’ chicken logo guys. The helmet wasn’t even symmetrical, it just had a stupid player number on the other side. I don’t know whats worse, wearing this fugly piece of shit or taking 3 OT’s to beat Boston College and only beating Virginia by 3.

Hey guys! Your helmets SUCK!

How the FUCK did we win this game?!?

Oh yeah! I remember now! Timeout usage! Thanks Mike!

Now to the good. No, not the whole “Frank Beamer forgetting how to coach football and losing six games 3/4 of his last years and barely beating Rutgers in a bowl game”, but the SWEET, GLORIOUS MATTE FIGHTING GOBLER LIDS WE ROCKED IN THE 2012 RUSSELL ATHLETIC (lol Georgia Tech) BOWL!

SO. LIT.

2013 is tough to write about. Despite winning 8 games, Tech had its worst fashion gaffes ever. ALL IN ONE YEAR. The Hokies opened up in the Georgia Dome against ROLL TIDE Alafuckingbama. This sad sack of shit is what Nike actually thought warranted a photo shoot before the game. Like, seriously, they were trying to generate hype over these fucking trash bags. Seriosuly. This is like a mid 90’s Russell (again, sorry Georgia Tech) design. No collar, big oversized logo over the sternum, ELWAY DENVER BRONCOS STRIPING… AND GREY? We lost this game before we stepped foot on the field.

I’d prefer to transfer coach, these look like shit.

Tech' equipment staff audibled and went with maroon pants. Good try and good effort, but we still lost and looked absurd.

Well, at least we got the worst out of the way. Couldn’t do any worse than that, right?

ugh

WRONG MOTHER FUCKER! WE FOUND A WORSE CAMO LOOK! And due to our repellent look, it took three overtimes in the pouring rain to put away Marshall. Simply put, this look crashed and burned.

Thankfully, it wouldn’t get worse. But its not like we started off at high place. On a Thursday night game on September 26th 2013, we see the first glimmer of our Bristol unis. Kudos for ALL MARRON almost everything, but the university seal on the helmet? And WTF is with that rock looking sticker?

ITS LIKE I HAVE OFFICIAL UNIVERSITY CORRESPONDENCE PROTECTING MY SKULL FROM HORRIFIC LIFE ALTERING BRAIN INJURIES!

That folks, would be what Tech lovingly refers to as Hokie Stone, and yes there is an official website explaining what it is. Basically, its cheap ass limestone the university got dirt ass cheap back in the day, and they just kinda stuck with it. No problems with architecturally…

Pretty cool.

Doesn’t suck.

Yep. Good on building, shit on helmets.

On October 26th, 2013, Tech lost to Duke for the first time in ACC play. Why? Glad you asked.

ALL ORANGE EVER… ah fuck it.

Tech would re-rock the tripple striped helmet look from the 3rd and Logan game for three games in 2013, road wins at Miami and Virginia, and bowl loss to UCLA. This was the first time pairing this maroon striped helmet with the standard away jersey.

Miami had a dope look for this game. But lost.

BUT, in the midst of all that, Tech brought back the limestone lids, albeit with a different decal with the previously forsaken and abondoned grey pants from the Alabama trash bag look. Guess what fucking happened. We lost to Maryland in Blacksburg, in overtime, in our last ACC game with them.

Great catch, shit look.

And thus (thank fucking Christ) concludes the 2013 season from hell. 2014 was a lot better. Mostly pretty standard looks in the regular 2010–2015 sets, with a few special helmets mixed in, and two slight variations.

We would wear an homage to Team America World Police helmet in a week 3 loss to Shane Carden, Justin Hardy and friends from ECU. We would duplicate this look (fittingly) in a Military Bowl victory over Cincinatti in Annaoplis.

Tech fans are pretty fucking sick of East Carolina by this point.

The decent looking white helmet with orange VT from 2012 returned in a week 5 win against Western Michigan in a good look due to white helmet+white pants. Tech would unfortunately pair the same helmet with orange pants (ugh) in a 6–3 (wait, what?)overtime loss to Wake Forest.

hi

White helmet with colored pants? Make it stop!

GOD DAMN IT MAKE IT STOP!

2014 would feature the return of ALL MAROON EVERYTHING in a home loss to Miami. While we had seen the pants before, this was the first time they’d been paired with the normal helmet within this set.

Lost, but looked better than these asshats.

We’d also see the maroon pants paired with the road whites, in a sorta 2004–2007 idea. And like 2004–2007, we beat Duke. In Durham. Except this time, by one point.

Don’t care who says what, Michael Brewer had guts and could sling that rock. Wasn’t his fault we had on organtan as our offenive coordinaor. Enjoy Coach Loeffler Boston College.

2015, Frank the Tank’s last year. Tech opened STRONG fashion wise, rocking an all maroon look with a new orange chrome helmet. We’d start down 14 points, roar back to lead 17–14 at the half, have our starting QB taken out in the first play of the 2nd half and end up losing 42–24. This is the same white hollow VT logo decal Tech used on the GODFORSAKEN 2013 deer hunter look helmet. In a shock to all, the decal looked better on a monocolor chromed out helmet that didn’t give folks and wildlife alike epileptic seizures.

Lost by 18? Whatevs, still looked good.

Remember that Navy helmet I told you to remember? No? Thats ok, it was back in 2012 and a lot of scrolls ago for you. Tech would emulate it in week 2 win against Furman, and wear it as part of several ensembles that year. Tech wore the helmet six times in 2015 to a record of 5–1 in them. Tech typically auctions off these alternate helmets after they’re done with them. To date, these are still in the equipment staff’s possesion. I think we’ll see them again.

Up close.

Wore it with whites against Furman, Perdue, Miami and Boston College.

Wore it with default home look against NC State.

Wore it with orange against Georgia Tech.

Tech would debut a new black look against UNC in Frank Beamer’s last game in Blacksburg. Assymetrical helmet with a VT on one side and the players number on the other. Tech would give #17, 10–1 at the time Carolina all they could handle, but lost 30–27 in double overtime.

GET HIM! HE DIDN’T GO TO CLASS!

The Hokie would rock a throwback helmet stripe with white pants on Frank’s last hurrah against Those Who Wear Ties To Ballgames, and would emerge victorious to give Tech a 6–6 record and qualify for another shitty bowl in Frank’s last year. Tech would wear the same combiation against Tulsa in the Whateverthefuckitwas.com Bowl in Bumfuckville, Lousisana. They’d use the same helmet and standard white top, but pair it with orange pants.

And another Tech QB goes undefeated against Virginia.

Not a huge fan with the stripe.

2016 brought a new coach, and the promise of a Nike brand redesign, for the entire athletics department. Whilst the jury is still out on Justin Fuente (he’s only coached one game for fucks sake) the Nike rebranding was a big fucking bellyflop. Tweaks to the standard 2010–2015 football look with a new Star Trek font. K. Thanks. Bye. Pass.

At least we have maroon pants for if/when we need them.

“Classic” look with white pants.

Its just a font I mean, cmon man.

Oh. Shit. Yeah, thats mighty damn close.

Couple of things to notice on these. First, the striping on the maroon helmet. Different than any we’ve seen, with the outer white strip narrowing as it goes back. This is helmet 20 of the modern era. The orange helmet looks an awful lot like the chrome lids we debuted in 2015 against Ohio State, but with a solid white color VT instead of the shit outline one. This is helmet 21. Other than that, slight tweak to location of the shoulder striping, paneling and collar width. I don’t like the collar width personally, but the paneling demonstrates Nike still giving Tech the cream of the crop as far as jersey technology. Ohio State, LSU, Alabama, etc. have that exact same design of their looks.

Tech debuted this new setup last week against Liberty. We won.

No huge difference here, just squashing a FCS foe. DON’T YOU DARE MENTION JMU YOU SOULLESS DOG.

Which brings us to the Bristol look, and the whole point of me and you wasting all this time learning about Tech’s fashion history, or as I like to think of it, how Nike has fucked us the last few years. No major surprise there -when we winning 10 games a year like clockwork, we got fresh looks, throwbacks, special stuff, etc. Now that we’re pedestrian, not so much. Speaking of not so much…

…kill…me…

Maybe they’ll look good far away from the Nascar seats. Maybe they’ll look good on TV. But up close they look like cheap ass pajama jeans with that strange pixelated fade. I get it, Nike was trying to create the illusion of depth. And I actually like the way Nike paired that design in the paneling of the black pants.

At least they match.

This helmet, 22nd of the might the “best” part of this look. I would have much rather have the limestone VT done with a graphic as part of the lid, a la 2015 tri-color helmets, not just a sticker. I like the matte black though.

meh

Biggets problem with this look? OUR FUCKING SCHOOL COLORS AREN’T FUCKING FEATURED! Sure, Nike and Tech say this is a throwback to when Tech’s school colors were black and grey. Hmm. You know, way back in FUCKING 1896!

I say thats a right long time ago boy!

Thats right! We changed our fucking colors to chicago maroon and burnt orange in mother fucking 1896. Thats before we admitted women, minorites or even fucking civillians! Fuck, Tech was a half assed military boarding school at that point. We started playing football in 1892, but cmon man!

Tech’s first football team. AND WHO THE FUCK CARES WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT THE COLORS!

So thats my rant/history/fashion lesson. And why we’re choosing to wear limestone pajama jean jerseys with colors honoring these old fucker's socks in the picture above.

I hope you learned or remembered something, and had fun reading this. And I hope we beat Tennessee. Cause maybe then I won’t be as embarrassed. Like this guys kids surely are of him.