Sex is a human rights issue for people living with dementia and one that needs to be discussed respectfully, according to Alzheimer's Victoria chief executive officer Maree McCabe.

Ms McCabe said family members were often uncomfortable with their parents or grandparents forming sexual relationships while in residential aged care.

Alzheimer's Victoria are co-presenting the Lets Talk About Sex conference in Melbourne in September, which will focus on the issues older people face regarding intimacy and relationships.

"It's actually a social issue, we are very ageist about sex," she told 774 ABC Melbourne.

"If you talk to someone and suggest their grandparents might have sex, people recoil in horror."

Anne Fairhall, whose husband has dementia, said the issue was "a hidden problem, one that's swept under the carpet a bit".

She has seen people living in residential care facilities be prevented from forming relationships.

"Not so long ago there were two people that I know of in a residential facility... the woman was keen, the man was keen but the families weren't keen," she said.

"[The families] were just concerned about the intimacy of holding hands and giving each other a cuddle."

Ms McCabe said care facilities often have no idea how to approach the topic of their residents' sexuality, giving the example of dementia sufferers who are found to be in possession of pornography.

Loading...

"[The care facility] often don't know how to deal with it, and what they'll do is they'll confiscate materials," Ms McCabe said.

"That can increase challenging behaviours [from the resident]."

Ms Fairhall said in her experience, even doctors were hesitant to confront the issue.

"It's a bit like driving and dementia, sex and dementia is an awkward one for them [and] they hesitate to be involved," she said.

Ms Fairhall said she and her husband were unusual in that they had found ways to maintain intimacy in their relationship even after her husband went into residential care.

"When he went into care we went from sleeping together where, sex or no sex, we had physical touch and then suddenly it's no longer there," she said.

"I found all sorts of ways to have that where we touch skin, I hold his hands, stroke his back... it was an unusual thing in the care facility that we did that."

Capacity to consent a complex area

Ms McCabe said the discussion of sex and dementia often centred on consent, such as in the recent case of former US politician Henry Rayhons, who was charged with sexual abuse of his wife who has Alzheimer's disease.

She said a person could be affected by dementia and still have the capacity to consent to sex.

"Capacity is not a blanket you-have-it-or-you-don't, it's actually something that is very complex to assess," she said.

"Whilst somebody may not be able to balance their bank account they may very well have the capacity to choose the food that they eat, for example."

Ms McCabe said the Lets Talk About Sex conference was an opportunity to have frank discussions about the sexual needs of aged care residents.

"This is a really complex issue and it highlights for us the need to be able to have these conversations in a respectful way that honours people's rights and their choices and supports them in having a life that is meaningful for them in the areas of sex and intimacy," she said.