CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

The nightwatchman has taken another hit today, after the resignation of his family housekeeper.

The traumatised public servant is believed to have handed in her two weeks notice this morning after discovering a stash of adult magazines featuring the 18th-century explorer Captain Cook, under the Prime Ministers bed.

This comes after the Prime Minister has faced criticism for his desire to spend millions of taxpayer dollars commemorating the 250 Anniversary of Captain Cook’s Voyage.

Requesting anonymity, the conservative Christian housekeeper explained to our reporters that she came across the blue mags while doing a routine clean.

“It was disgusting,” she said.

“15 editions of Captain Cock.”

“I heard yesterday in the news that Mr Morrison had a Captain Cook fetish, but I didn’t think much of it.”

The housekeeper went on to explain that she was even more appalled at mythologised narratives surrounding the early European explorer and his peers.

“In the pages I could actually pull apart because they weren’t stuck together I found some heinous things.”

“I’ll never be able to erase those images of Dirk ‘Diggler’ Hartog”

“Who is ‘Anal Tasman’ even based on?”

The Advocate contacted the Prime Minister for comment and were told that we were filthy lefties that don’t respect the misplaced pre-Sydney-Olympics nostalgia that the coalition government utilises as a cheap form of populism.

“Pull your heads in and show some respect to the first non-Dutch non-Chinese non-Malay explorer to discover Australia” said Morrison, before launching into a justification for the existence of the smutty magazines found under his bed.

“The thing about Cook is I think we need to rediscover him a bit because he gets a bit of a bad show from some of those who like to sort of talk down our history”

“The fact is this guy was a total hunk and someone we should talk about more, even more so than we already do in every single primary school curriculum around the country.”

“Except I reckon we can leave out the bit about Hawaii”