DADS GET INVOLVED DADS GET INVOLVED A recent survey by jobs website Monster.com found that working fathers increasingly are trying to balance work and family demands, using benefits that until recently were utilized primarily by mothers: • Dads with a child under age 5 who took paternity leave when it was offered by their employers: 71% • Dads with school-age children who took paternity leave when offered by employers: 48% • Dads with toddlers whose employers provided paternity-leave benefits or flexible work schedules: 66% • Among working men, dads who took advantage of paternity leave when offered: 58% • Dads who adopted flexible work schedules when offered by employers: 71% • Dads who viewed companies positively for offering a flex-time benefit: 82% Source: 2007 Monster.com survey of 1,011 full-time job seekers, including 330 working fathers and 473 working mothers. Todd Scott, 32, has two children under age 5. Each workday, he leaves his job at Himmelrich Public Relations in Baltimore at 5 p.m. to be with his family — and even then feels guilty he isn't spending enough time with Hunter, 4, and Anna, 1. Scott's approach to balancing work and family contrasts with that of his boss, Steve Himmelrich, 48, who has two children and is a more traditional-style dad, spending many long hours, free time and some weekends at the office. Himmelrich says he supports Scott's parenting strategy, but both acknowledge it has been a source of tension between them. "We have monthly conversations, some more tense than others, about our differing attitudes to our roles at home and our responsibilities at work," says Scott, who says that "being engaged in my family life is more important to me than my career advancement. My boss … couldn't be more opposite." Says Himmelrich, "I have a lot of respect for Todd and what he does. And I have a really great relationship with my kids." Their situation reflects the conflicts that are becoming increasingly common in workplaces across the nation, as fathers press for more family time and something other than a traditional career path. As dads demand paternity leave, flexible work schedules, telecommuting and other new benefits, they've ignited what workplace specialists are calling the Daddy Wars. They've also prompted several Fortune 500 companies to begin pitching such family-friendly benefits to men — and inspired a new wave of workplace discrimination complaints filed by dads. For years, women who say their employers have discriminated against them because of their care-giving roles have filed complaints with the federal Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. The EEOC has not released precise figures, but it reports that it now is seeing a shift: filings by fathers. For example, the EEOC says, some employers have wrongly denied male employees' requests for leave for child care purposes while granting similar requests from female employees. Under the federal Family and Medical Leave Act, fathers are allowed to take unpaid leave for the birth, adoption or medical illness of a child. They are allowed up to 12 weeks of leave in a year, although some states grant additional rights for dads. Meanwhile, a few fathers who have sought additional care-giver benefits and been denied have gone to court, with mixed results. David Johnson, who worked in the office of the registrar at the University of Iowa, sued the university in 2003 over its policy of letting biological mothers — but not fathers — use accrued sick leave for paid time off after the birth of a child. Johnson had a daughter and argued that the policy was discriminatory because it allowed biological mothers and adoptive parents to use the accrued sick leave, but not biological fathers. Johnson lost his case in federal court in 2005. The university hasn't changed its policy since the lawsuit, spokesman Steve Parrott says. "The Daddy Wars are definitely there, especially between management and employee," says J.T. O'Donnell, a workplace consultant in North Hampton, N.H. O'Donnell and other workplace specialists say that in the USA's evolving workforce, the pressure to redefine men's roles on the job — and at home — will increase as more mothers join the labor force and take on jobs with longer hours and higher work demands. Fifty-nine percent of women 16 and over are in the labor force, up from 43% in 1970. And the numbers will continue to rise: In fall 2003, women accounted for 57% of the 16.9 million students enrolled in U.S. colleges, according to a 2007 report from the American Council on Education in Washington, D.C. That's a dramatic shift from 1965, when men made up 61% of college enrollments, and the gender gap on campuses is continuing to widen in favor of women. Don Winter of the Harrison Group, a marketing and research firm based in Waterbury, Conn., says what's happening on campuses now ensures that white-collar employers will have to continue expanding their view of male employees as well as of female workers. "Mothers are working and making major incomes, so it's forcing dads to step into the household role," Winter says. "There are fewer men going on to college. Women, for many years to come, are going to be more successful. So guys are seeing their roles shift. They're having to take on more of a domestic role." A sense 'that careers will suffer' A survey this year by job website Monster.com (MNST) found that most working fathers, like Scott, want to be more involved in family life. Nearly 70% of fathers surveyed by Monster said they would consider being a stay-at-home parent if money were no object. The survey also found that working dads are increasingly tapping into benefits that until just a few years ago were used almost exclusively by mothers: 71% of fathers with a child under age 5 took paternity leave when it was offered by their employer. In part, O'Donnell and other analysts say, the figures reflect how today's fathers in their 20s and 30s don't typically adhere to the philosophies or career tracks followed by previous generations. For generations, "Fathers have defined success as big cars, big salaries, big homes. But dads now define success as a good relationship with their children and spouse," says Armin Brott of Fathers At Work, an Oakland-based business that specializes in helping men find a balance between work and family. "It's really a generational change, but it's hard," Brott says. "There's tension, and there's this sense out there that careers will suffer." Fifty-six percent of working men say they share equal responsibility with their spouse for scheduling household appointments and activities, according to 2007 data compiled by the Harrison Group. Another 19% of working men say they have most or sole responsibility for such duties. Data from a recent book, Changing Rhythms of American Family Life, indicate that married fathers' child care time increased from three hours a week in 1985 to nearly seven in 2000. Married fathers' child care activities almost tripled over the period, with most of the change happening after 1985. Women, however, still shoulder more of the burden when it comes to child care. Even so, "Fathers are taking on more of the traditional mother's role in the households, and they are more emotionally tied to the families today," says Winter of the Harrison Group. "What's happening is also a reaction to working mothers and how they've changed, too." Amit Ringshia, 31, took paternity leave and used to take some Thursdays off to be with his son, Nitai, 2. Despite such involvement, the technical manager at KPMG in Maywood, N.J., still feels a twinge of guilt that he can't do more with Nitai. "There is always a guilty feeling as a father that you're not paying enough attention," Ringshia says, echoing a sentiment long expressed by working mothers. His wife, Rushali, is a dentist. But Ringshia says the time he has spent with Nitai "helps me feel connected, that I'm an involved father." Employers focus on dads KPMG is among several major employers who have begun reaching out to fathers as part of efforts to retain and recruit them as workers. With only 24% of its global 14,000-employee workforce in the USA made up of women, Texas Instruments has made working fathers a focus of a range of family-friendly programs. (That percentage of female employees is reflective of the tech industry as a whole.) Fathers at Texas Instruments are offered flexible work arrangements, two weeks paid paternity leave and adoption leave. Managers let employees vary their schedules so they can attend soccer games and school events. Other efforts the company is making include providing information on topics such as kids' summer camps and e-mail groups for parents. Ernst & Young, the professional services giant with about 27,000 employees in the USA, has changed its benefits plans in recent years to help working dads. Programs include up to six weeks of paid paternity leave and flexible work arrangements; about 15% of those using such flexible work programs are men, the company says. When Ernst & Young began letting fathers take parental leave in 2001, dads made up 46% of those taking it. Today, slightly more than 50% of those who take such leave are men. When parental leave began for dads at Ernst & Young, the maximum leave was two weeks, but since 2006, men have been able to take up to six weeks of leave it they are a child's primary care-giver during that time. John O'Connor, 42, a senior manager at Ernst & Young in Philadelphia, took six weeks of paid leave after the birth of his daughter, Caitlin, now about 8 months. His son, Christian, is 2. He also is able to leave work when necessary for family events. "We have the ability to do the things we want with the kids and still be productive at work," says O'Connor, whose wife, Staci, 30, also is a manager at Ernst & Young. She took 12 weeks of maternity leave. "Other fathers I work with have no problem leaving early for a school function. You're not working less but just at different times. It's more frowned upon if you don't spend time with your kids." Sun Microsystems (JAVAD) now has a program that lets employees work anywhere, anytime, so working fathers can take time off as needed for children's functions without having to punch a clock or worry about face time with their bosses. The flexibility has become evident throughout the 37,000-employee company. Mike Dillon, Sun's general counsel, logs on from home before taking his son to school in the morning. Sun also has a work-and-family consultation and referral program that provides advice on child care, adoption, elder care, education, working and parenting issues and seminars dealing with personal and business issues. Sun has partnered with child care centers to provide employees with primary, backup and school-age child care options. Rob Englander, 47, of New York, is a senior staff engineer at Sun who primarily works at home so he can be with his 15-year-old daughter, Jessica. He is a single parent. "Last year, there was a problem in a math class. I contacted the school, and the principal said, 'Come in and talk to me,' " Englander recalls. "If I had to take time off, it would have had a huge impact. It took me five minutes to get to school and meet with her principal. This kind of flexible work environment (is) … critical." The flexibility also is crucial for Scott, who credits his boss, Himmelrich, for allowing him to take time when needed for family, even though the dads have different approaches to time at the office. "He's been very flexible. That's to his credit," Scott says of his boss, Himmelrich. "It helps assuage my guilt. For one thing, I commute a long way. If I had to stay till 6:30 p.m., I wouldn't see the kids before they go to bed." Enlarge By Jennifer S. Altman for USA TODAY Amit Ringshia of New Jersey took paternity leave to be with son Nitai, 2. Conflicts are up at more workplaces over such time-off requests from dads. 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