'Divorce took over my life for many years, when it was over I felt old'

Monica Christiane, 58

Like many women, 58-year-old Monica Christiane spent her 30s and 40s bringing up her two children and managing the family home.

For a while, it was bliss — though it was also hard work.

‘When I look back, I spent all my time running around after everyone else,’ she says. ‘I was a good wife and mother, and I loved being there for them, but there was never much time for me.’

Sadly, when Monica was in her mid-40s, her marriage began to fall apart. A long legal battle with her ex-husband left her emotionally and physically drained. When her divorce finally came through, Monica looked in the mirror and barely recognised herself.

‘Divorce was hideous. It took over my life for many years, and when it was finally over, I felt old and jaded. I didn’t want to give up on the possibility of another relationship — and I still don’t. I feel like I was a perfectly good person and there was nothing I did wrong to end up in such a disastrous marriage. Now, all I want is to look after myself, share my life and be treated well.’

Monica Christiane, 58, (pictured) from South West London (pictured) had Botox injected into her forehead, filler into her cheeks and a collagen-boosting laser treatment

But in the 30 years since she’d last been single, the dating scene had changed dramatically. With the growth of online dating and judgments solely being made based on the picture you post on your profile, meeting a man was — is — more dependent than ever on looks.

‘Before I could go out there and date again, I needed some self-confidence and energy,’ says Monica.

So she did something she thought she’d never do, but which is becoming increasingly common among divorcees of a certain age. Where once they might just have hit the shops or turned to their hairdresser for a morale-boosting new style, now newly-single women are opting for a more fundamental sort of change — not just younger clothes, but a younger face, too.

Forget the divorce diet: today’s single women are embracing break-up Botox.

‘I see more and more women at this stage of life,’ says Dr Michael Prager, one of Britain’s leading aesthetic clinicians, who offers non-surgical facelifts at his Harley Street clinic.

‘Either they’re going through a break-up or they’re recently divorced and want to go on the dating scene again. What they want is to feel more confident and look more attractive.’

Most frequently, he adds, these clients opt for Botox to reduce wrinkles and frown lines or dermal fillers to plump and sculpt the face. ‘It depends on the person, but even with a small amount of product, a lot can be achieved, especially if it is someone who hasn’t had anything done before.’

Dr Michael Prager, one of Britain's leading aesthetic clinicians says that he sees more and more newly divorced women coming in for treatment (stock image)

After researching the industry thoroughly, Monica, who lives in South- West London, had Botox injected into her forehead to smooth out wrinkles, filler into her cheeks to give her face a more rounded, youthful look, and a collagen-boosting laser treatment to improve signs of ageing such as fine lines and thread veins.

The initial work cost £950, and she has £295 Botox top-ups every six months by facial aesthetics practitioner Allysun Ramsdale at Thurloe Street Dental.

On top of that, Monica also spent £3,000 on semi-permanent make-up on her eyebrows, eyes and lips (with an annual £300 top-up).

‘As you get older, you get a bit paler around the eyebrows and eyelashes, and semi-permanent make-up helps regain the definition,’ she explains.

‘You don’t have to worry about not waking up at home if you are with someone new and them seeing you without make-up!’

While most of us would baulk at spending that much, Monica says it’s worth it.

‘When I smile, I have cheeks again. It’s so interlinked — the way we look and the way we feel. When I feel good, I’m more extrovert and smiley.’

And this change in her personality has paid dividends when it comes to her love life.

The total cost of Monica's treatment cost £950 and she has £295 Botox top-ups every six months (stock image)

‘Since I got this new confidence in my looks, I’ve met someone through friends. I don’t know where it will go, but it’s fun. I would like to be settled again one day — and now I think it’s much more likely to happen.’

Monica is far from alone in embracing this new twist on the post-divorce makeover.

Non-surgical treatments have become increasingly sophisticated and, since new regulation from the General Medical Council came into force last year, safe.

(There are, however, still some cowboys operating, so you must check a practitioner is accredited by one of the following organisations — the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons; British Association of Cosmetic Nurses; British College of Aesthetic Medicine; British Association of Dermatologists; or British Association of Plastic, Reconstructive and Aesthetic Surgeons — before going ahead.)

The vocabulary of today is that to get a man, you have to be young and beautiful. Ageing male actors are placed next to twentysomething actresses on screen, and we are surrounded by similar stories across television, books and film

The industry is certainly growing rapidly. Last year, enquiries to clinics rose by 91 per cent, while a study by the Transform plastic surgery group, which owns 22 cosmetic surgery clinics nationwide, found that more than a quarter of plastic surgery patients were recently-divorced women.

But how healthy is this boom in ‘break-up Botox’ and other cosmetic treatments to find love in mid-life?

Ingrid Collins, a consultant psychologist at Ten Harley Street in London, worries about the pressure on women to freeze time with a toxin, and places the blame on age-old cultural prejudices.

She says: ‘The vocabulary of today is that to get a man, you have to be young and beautiful. Ageing male actors are placed next to twentysomething actresses on screen, and we are surrounded by similar stories across television, books and film.

‘Women who find themselves suddenly single at a certain stage in life look at these narratives and are hypnotised into thinking the only way to attract a partner is by physically turning back the clock.’

Unfair as it sounds, men on the dating scene are largely looking for women younger than they are, sometimes by several decades. Middle-aged men expect to date women in their 30s or even 20s.

The consequence is that newly-divorced women often find themselves in a dating wilderness. They have to fight to meet men their own age because these men are actively refusing to consider them as a potential date.

‘That’s definitely the case,’ says Monica Christiane. ‘I’m in my late 50s, and the age of potential men for me seems to be in the 70s. I don’t mind that so much, but I realise that other women do.’

This is when cosmetic procedures become a dating strategy.

'After 25 years of marriage, I was very aware of my age. I wanted to attract the right person’

Fiona Murphy, 49

When Fiona Murphy got divorced three years ago after a 25-year marriage, she felt both relief and exhaustion. ‘It was a difficult divorce, and I wanted to start looking forward,’ she says.

‘But when you’re faced with being on your own, it can feel daunting. You want to stand tall and look your best to attract the right person. But I was also very aware of my age. I was 46 and you start to notice all the little lines, don’t you? Every time I looked in the mirror, I saw this chicken pox scar on my forehead that had gone into a furrow. I hated that. I just wanted to look about ten years younger.’

She needed a push to ‘face the world again’. Worse, as the owner of a vintage swimwear company based in Weymouth, Fiona was ‘constantly looking at pictures of gorgeous young models’.

Fiona Murphy, 49, (pictured) from Weymouth, who owns a vintage swimwear company, had Botox on her forehead, which boosted her confidence

‘It wasn’t great for my confidence,’ she says. So she lost a stone, had a new haircut and eyelash extensions and tried Botox on her forehead.

‘I went abroad on holiday and got a tan, too — the compliments I got when I came back!

‘Everyone told me how well I looked, and how young, which was really down to my smooth forehead. It definitely made me feel better about myself.’

After posting her wrinkle-free holiday pictures online, Fiona did find a new partner — a 52-year-old engineer.

Today, almost three years after he first clicked on her profile, they are happily together.

Fiona has now let the Botox wear off, using a serum instead to ward off fine lines. These days, she laughs, ‘he sees me with no make-up on, and unwashed hair. Keeping up the Botox isn’t a priority any more!’

What the cosmetic procedure did, though, she believes, is allow her to ‘take back control’ of her life and revive confidence levels that had taken a battering. When a new relationship came along, she was in the right place to embrace it.



‘I spend £600 on my face every few months and every penny is worth it!’

Julie Cohen, 61

Julie Cohen, 61, is also adamant anti-ageing treatments made her feel better about dating again. Last month, while on holiday with her family in New York, she met the 58-year-old handsome lawyer she’d been talking to for months through an international dating website for professionals.

Julie recalls arriving at an upmarket Midtown cocktail bar for her date: ‘It was a brightly lit place, but I’d just had some work done, so the lights really didn’t bother me. He was charming and attractive. We met again the next night, and he took me to a trendy restaurant in Greenwich Village.

‘After dinner, we walked for about an hour, past Madison Square and up Broadway. It was a balmy evening and incredibly romantic. And he’s coming to see me in London soon!’

A fitness instructor from North London and mother-of-five, Julie went through a bitter divorce in 2015 and emerged looking tired and hollowed-out.

Julie Cohen, 61, (pictured) a fitness instructor from North London spends £600 every few months on Botox in her forehead

‘I’d lost weight — too much — and it showed in my face,’ she says. ‘It got to a point where I really needed to sort it out. I do believe in growing old gracefully, but if you can have a bit of help along the way, why not?’

Julie spent £600 on Botox in her forehead and injections of Restylane, a hyaluronic acid dermal filler, at The Prager Clinic in London. She is convinced this is what gave her the confidence to start dating again.

A year ago, she joined two dating websites.

‘I had friends who were living with new partners they’d met online later in life. I just thought: “This is a new stage of my life — I need to go for it.” ’ It didn’t take long for the messages to roll in.

‘They said things like: “Hello, gorgeous” and “I can’t believe you are that age”,’ she giggles. ‘We would discuss our divorces or our children. It was all very innocent and I did it mostly for the companionship.’

Some of the men who contacted Julie were even younger than her. ‘I told them they were the same age as my son, but thank you very much!’

Having the work done showed on her profile pictures, too, she says. ‘I’d been looking gaunt. Having a bit of cosmetic help gives you an uplift, there’s no two ways about it.’

Julie has now met someone, a lawyer in his 50s, but says it is still early days.

Last year, enquiries to clinics rose by 91 per cent, per cent and more than a quarter of plastic surgery patients were recently-divorced women

She spends £600 every few months on maintaining her smooth new skin and, she says, every penny is worth it. Next on her list is a lip filler, a facial peel and perhaps an eyelid lift.

But consultant clinical psychologist Dr Richard Sherry sounds a note of caution when it comes to ever-growing lists of transformative tweaks: ‘It is important to separate out the healthy from the pathological aspects of seeking cosmetic enhancements. You can get addicted to it.’

Is Julie heading that way? ‘No, not at all,’ she says. ‘I am mature enough to know if I am going too far.’

‘I’m in my 60s,’ she says disbelievingly, before adding with just a touch of glee: ‘And actually I’ve never looked — or felt — better. I can’t wait for the next chapter of my love life!’