I went to prison for murder at 15. I learned violence and I can help others unlearn it

I went to prison for murder at 15. I learned violence and I can help others unlearn it

I learned violence from my parents. They showed me that if you want something and they won’t give it to you, then beat it out of them.

My dad beat my mom in the house when he didn’t get he wanted. My mom beat us in the house when she didn’t get what she wanted. So I inflicted physical violence on the next person to get what I want.

My mom, biological dad and stepdad were all gang members. I actually stabbed my stepdad when I was nine or 10. He was beating my mom, I stabbed him in the back, ran out of the house, called the police, they let him back out of jail.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest David Monroe, at seven or eight years old, with his younger brother Danny. Photograph: Courtesy of David Monroe

By age 11, I, too, was already hanging out with gang members in my hometown of Stockton. I became an official Stockton Norteño at 12. By age 15, I was on my way to prison for murder. It took three years to throw my life away to the gangs.

When I was in prison I had to figure out why I was violent. I realized that I actually don’t like confrontation. So I would wonder: what got me to the point that I felt like I had to be violent toward others? I realized that my violence came from seeing violence at home.

I learned violence, and I figured that if I can learn violence I can unlearn it too.

I also realized I would love to help kids. But I was doing a life sentence and had to focus on surviving. I got transferred to San Quentin, the California state prison in the San Francisco Bay Area, in my early twenties and started started working for the Squires program there, which brought at-risk youth together with guys like me who were in prison.

I was released from prison in 2016, after serving 19 years. A few months after my release I started working for United Playaz, a violence prevention and youth development organization in San Francisco. I’ve been teaching elementary and middle school students about “social-emotional learning” (SEL) – which basically means I teach kids to understand themselves.

If kids resort to violence it’s often because they think it’s their only option. When you’re a minority in the ghetto you assume you’re gonna end up in prison without anyone having to tell you. I teach these kids that it’s not normal to do that.

Kids involved with UP are either in school or with us at UP. They’re off the streets, and they keep coming back because they know they’re safe here. One of the most dangerous parts of San Francisco is right outside of UP’s doors. But at our youth center kids tell me they feel safe.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest ‘Everybody is hungry for change in Stockton, but nobody comes back to Stockton to help.’ Photograph: Justin Sullivan/Getty Images

Now, I want to bring UP to Stockton. I bought a house out there a few months ago with my partner and son, and we plan for UP to be fully up and running by the end of 2020.

I’m going back because I love Stockton, and I’m just seeing so much despair there. While places like San Francisco and Oakland are seeing significant drops in gun violence, nearby towns like Stockton has been going up over the last 10 years. In 2008 there were 21 fatal shootings, 61 in 2012, and then in 2017 that number was down to 40. People tell me there are programs for youth in Stockton, but we need more.

I’m watching the news. Everybody is hungry for change in Stockton, but nobody comes back to Stockton to help. People come back to San Francisco to give back because the city and the rest of the Bay Area are beloved in California, they’re tourist attractions. Stockton is not that, the difference is that nobody loves Stockton, nobody gives a crap about Stockton.

The program in Stockton won’t necessarily just focus on gangs and violence, we’re just giving kids a choice. Take programs like our cooking class. If you’re in the center cooking, you’re not going to be out on the streets fighting because you’re doing something good that keeps you engaged and focused.

That’s why I bought a house and am moving back to Stockton, a place where you might get killed trying to help a kid. When I was young I was gonna die over a color, so this would be a better way to go, dying for something I love. These kids are in a burning house, and I’m going back, and I’m gonna go help them in whatever way I can.