He’s the GOAT. He’s universally loved in New England. He’s Brady. Basically every woman from here to the Candian border would be willing to bear his seed, if given the chance.

The technology exists today for a man to jerk off into a cup and sire thousands of children. Sperm banks around the country routinely sell normal semen samples for a thousand dollars a pop. California Cryobank sells one vial of a 5’10” Chinese kid for $865. Keep in mind that around ten of these vials can be produced from a single donation session. Aka a single “load.”

What would someone pay for a Brady seed?

It depends on how much is available. There certainly exists a population that would buy Brady sperm for more than $100k a a vial. How many people? 10k, a mere thousand?

How many though, would be willing to buy Brady sperm at $10k a vial? I’ll WAG that no less than 10k people would be willing to pony up 10k for Brady sperm.

How long would it take him to produce that much? If we estimate that Brady produces 10 vials per ejaculation. And he jerks off once a day. We’re looking at annual production of 3k vials a year. If he keeps his dick to the grindstone, he’ll meet his quote in just over three years.

Could Tom Brady produce more money with his dick than his football skills? How much would each vial of Brady sperm need to sell for to make his football salary?

Tom’s latest contract was $41M over two years. Which is 21.5M a year, or about $56k a day. If he maximized his chicken choking ability, as described above, he would only need to sell each vial for $5.6 a piece. That’s about six times more than Asian kid sells his for, so this is easily obtainable.

Conclusively, Tom Brady’s dick is worth more than his football playing abilities.

He’s Tom Fuckin’ Brady.