YELLOWKNIFE – After attempting to get some sleep before a Western Premiers’ Meeting, BC Premier John Horgan awoke to discover that someone had smeared the words “Revenge” in thick Alberta bitumen on his hotel bathroom mirror.

Horgan was reportedly frozen with fear while he stared at the stark warning which slowly dripped down towards the sink.

“Is there someone in here?” asked a trembling Horgan who believed he was the only occupant of the room. “You’re not supposed to be here! What…what do you want?”

“We’re everywhere, John,” replied a woman’s astute voice coming from the closet. “We’re in 83% of your household products. We’re Alberta’s oilsands and we want that pipeline built.”

Horgan leaped to the closet and flung open the doors to find it empty with only another smeared warning that proclaimed “$2L/gas in BC.”

The premier started to sweat in his orange BC NDP pajamas as the clock turned to 3:30 AM. A phone call pierced the silence in the dark room which startled him. Horgan slowly reached for the receiver and picked it up.

“It’s safer than rail,” said the same voice on the other end. “Approve the pipeline or we’ll take away more than your province’s precious oil. Much more.”

The caller hung up before Horgan could demand to know who the mysterious person, and promptly called the hotel’s front desk to know where the call was coming from.

“I’m baffled, sir,” explained the hotel manager. “The last call appeared to come from…inside your room.”