ARE you fed up of taking your life into your own hands every time you have to drive across Haverfordwest?

Had enough of drivers looking at you approaching from their right three times before pulling out at 5mph on Morrisons’ roundabout?

Sick to the back teeth of traffic lights turning green but no-one being able to move?

After years of traffic improvements making the situation much, much worse, Pembrokeshire County Council has unveiled blueprints for a futuristic MONORAIL for the town.

Operating on a loop from Merlins Bridge, it will run alongside Freemens Way – a unique form of bypass which runs directly into the town centre - and alongside the existing train line.

The £300m project is being funded by council reserves and expected to be completed by 2022.

The plan is for a genuine, bona fide, electrified, six-car monorail.

“We’re basically skint,” said a spokesman.

“That’s why we have had to dip into our £950m reserves and put Council Tax up by another 25% for the next 150 years. We’re all in this together.”

He added: “Basically we just got fed up with people moaning that every expensive improvement to the roads we have made had actually just made the situation worse.

“That’s bad for anyone’s morale.

“So rather than fixing the actual issues we’ve opted for this hugely expensive project - after paying top London consultants £100m to come up with an idea for a monorail for the county town.

“They’ve come back to us with an idea for a monorail for Haverfordwest.

“It’s genius.”

The original plans had involved knocking Haverfordwest Castle down to accommodate the elevated monorail track.

But that came to nothing when it was revealed the castle had already been earmarked for a new multi-storey car park because the existing multi-storey car park doesn’t really work for cars bigger than a Clio.

That meant the original plans to continue the track and place a monorail station near the shops at Withybush also had to be scrapped.

Cabinet Member for roads, rail and municipal shrubbery, Nigel Haverbrook, said: “That was disappointing as we wanted to try to cut traffic to the site but since then we’ve carried out our own research which shows people actually like searching for a space for an hour and 45 minutes, so it’s fine.”

The Western Telegraph asked the council if the idea for the project came about after senior officers watched a popular episode of The Simpsons in which Springfield is conned into getting a monorail.

“We cannot confirm or deny this,” said a spokesman.