BANK of England governor Mark Carney is to be replaced with a bucket filled with random suggestions from Theresa May and her idiot friends.

Carney stressed he had intended to see out his contract until 2021, but changed his mind after realising that in five years time the UK economy will focus on trading glass beads with passing fishing boats.

Carney said: “I’m off to Canada, which will hopefully be far enough away that I can’t hear the sound of this shithole country sliding into the Atlantic.

“Being Bank of England governor has been like driving along the edge of a cliff with no brakes in a bus full of drunk chimps who keep trying to grab the wheel.

“Shove your stupid pound up your arse.”

Trade secretary Liam Fox said: “Let’s make tenners massive so they’re worth more.”