Compliments are a double-edged sword. Use them effectively and you’ll slice through meaningless chatter to create deeper connections. Use them poorly and you’ll chop yourself down into a chump stump. Nobody wants that.

Why should you compliment well?

Displays confidence. It takes balls to let a girl know you like something about her, especially if it’s from the heart. You’re in a potentially vulnerable position and are willing to risk that by being forward.

It takes balls to let a girl know you like something about her, especially if it’s from the heart. You’re in a potentially vulnerable position and are willing to risk that by being forward. Makes your intentions known. Guys struggle with showing a girl their interest. A well-placed compliment can turn a friendly dynamic into a flirtatious, sexual one.

Guys struggle with showing a girl their interest. A well-placed compliment can turn a friendly dynamic into a flirtatious, sexual one. Puts you in a position of choice. If you compliment her on something that genuinely impressed you, it can show that you are picking her. Something legitimate about her is winning you over.

If you compliment her on something that genuinely impressed you, it can show that you are picking her. Something legitimate about her is winning you over. Shows you appreciate more than just her vagina. You want to express your desire for her, but it should be for a variety of reasons. This also encourages her to open up and display those qualities you like. Remember, no girl wants to feel like just “another notch”, even if it’s just casual.

The mindset behind a great compliment

Many dating gurus claim that giving women compliments is needy and weak. This is absolutely true if you give out bland, disingenuous compliments to seek validation. It’s all about intention.

Are you complimenting to take value or give it? Are you saying it to get a response (ulterior motive) or because you want to share sincere praise? Are you being a “nice guy” or a real man?

The problem is that a ton of guys give compliments with strings attached. They think, “If I say this line then she’ll like me more.” They’re out to gain something. The compliments are fake and women can sense it – especially if they did nothing to deserve them.

If I compliment a girl, it’s because she’s earned it. She has given me reasons to like her. I’m intrigued by her. She has shared something meaningful. She has impressed me with her personality. I’m not making up lines to say, it’s how I really feel.

When your mindset is right, you can compliment on her physical appearance. You can even give sexual compliments (with tact) that spark the chemistry between you. What matters most is where it all comes from.

4 guidelines to remember

Be succinct. Don’t ramble on about the compliment. Lay it out and then be done with it. Less is more and throwing a casual yet insightful compliment will hit hardest.

Don’t ramble on about the compliment. Lay it out and then be done with it. Less is more and throwing a casual yet insightful compliment will hit hardest. Don’t exaggerate. Is she really the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen? Probably not. When you bullshit, it only makes you seem dishonest and that you’re trying hard to impress her. Your compliments should be believable because they are real.

Is she really the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen? Probably not. When you bullshit, it only makes you seem dishonest and that you’re trying hard to impress her. Your compliments should be believable because they are real. Get as specific as possible. “You’re beautiful.” is generic. While it can work, it’s not usually the best option. Listen well, be observant of her, and get creative. Tailor your compliments to her and say something she’s likely never heard. Avoid any of the cheesy pre-written lines unless you want to look like a tool. The only exception is when you’re being playfully sarcastic and obvious.

“You’re beautiful.” is generic. While it can work, it’s not usually the best option. Listen well, be observant of her, and get creative. Tailor your compliments to her and say something she’s likely never heard. Avoid any of the cheesy pre-written lines unless you want to look like a tool. The only exception is when you’re being playfully sarcastic and obvious. Use them sparingly. One, maybe two compliments max in a given interaction (first meet / date) is plenty. Throw them out too much and it feels desperate and each one loses impact. There are also situations where you won’t give out any at all.

Successful execution and delivery

Here’s a basic structure you can follow:

Compliment her – “I like how independent you are.” Tell her why (qualify it) – “Not many people are so driven at a young age.” Ask a question, challenge her, or share something about yourself – “What makes you so passionate?”

Examples of good compliments:

“You’ve got very loyal friends, you must be good company.”

“I love how fired up you get talking about your major/job/hobby, it’s quite sexy.”

“It’s refreshing to meet someone with such strong family values. My dad is definitely my hero.” (sharing about yourself, being vulnerable)

“Damn, you look fantastic in that dress, it’s like it was made for you. When are you gonna show me your awesome dance moves in it?” (playful challenge)

“Your hips move like a supermodel when you walk, I’m completely entranced.” (said with a smirk, more sexual and forward).

Generations of women have been wooed by genuine compliments — that’s not changing anytime soon. Appreciate what she has to offer and man up to show your intentions.

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