WASHINGTON D.C. – President Trump’s White House has responded loudly to the release of author Michael Wolff’s new tell-all book on his first year in the White House, calling the work “a grotesque work of fiction” and “transparent garbage”. These statements came from the White House and not the President, because he was reportedly unable to read Wolff’s work, as it contained too many large words and complete sentences, even though the President is, in his own words, “like, really smart”.

Trump was finally able to join the contentious debate after he could finally read the Junior Reader’s Edition of the novel, written specifically for both young children, adults with learning disabilities and Presidents who lost the popular vote by nearly three million ballots. He was furious after reading the book’s adaptation for young readers finding fewer illustrations that he was used to and was upset the story went on for more than one page, his preferred content length.

“Look, the book, which I have totally read, okay, as like, one of the, if not the smartest, person in the world, I can tell you, believe me, is totally, and the thing that really bothers me, is who would have thought, the fake news, that’s what it is, just fake news, the book, the fake news book, is totally fabricated, which means it was made up, okay, not made of fabric, which is not what I had thought at first, that's what the failing New York Times and CNN will say, believe me,” remarked the President when asked for comment.

Trump was especially outraged at the Choose your Own Impeachment feature of the children’s book which allows the reader to choose how the trump Presidency will end, either by nuclear war, treason, military coup, citizen uprising, or the 25th amendment. The book is available in the children’s section of any Barnes and Noble and in any West Wing bathroom.