It has been minutes for the parents who lost their loving children. For me it has been hours since I heard the news. My heart is still breaking, but I am also getting very frustrated and a little angry.

I want to blame someone, anyone, but there is no one particular to blame, because the guilty party was only a giant for a few moments before he became a coward and turned the gun on himself.

I would have great thoughts running around in my head if my children were still in school. I can’t tell you honestly what I would do. The mother in me would want to yank my kids out of school and teach them at home. It seems the weak are the targets. Is my brother safe where he is? I think that my thoughts would be like this; some training from me in tutoring is better than more training at a school where my worry would always be with me whether my babies are safe or not.

Who can we blame? Should we blame the animal, our society, lack of morals in our world, maybe the animal’s parents. I could go on and on. I live in a smaller size city. I always thought nothing could happen in this little town. Drunks and speeding, maybe a fight once in a while, but let me tell you something. In our 35.000 population we have had teachers molesting students, rapes, murders.

What about the smaller towns who have been bombarded by animals, taking out people’s breathing, and then going into the courts and pleading insanity. Can you be insane and still plot how many guns you want to take into that business you are considering snuffing out? Can you plot how many rounds to buy? I think someone who can think like this, is not close to being insane.

It will not surprise me at all that this 20-year-old brat got into a tiff with his mother, and instead of doing what I used to do, turn and walk away or go outside to pout, pulls out a gun and shoots his mother because he wasn’t getting his own way! To pay her double back, he goes and kills her students? All because he had no control over his anger? Then the coward shoots himself. Sure, he knew he didn’t want to be drug through the court systems or be placed behind bars.

We need tough love. We need to teach our children about love, respect, not getting your own way, that life isn’t fair, that we are going to hurt, cry, feel pain, and also feel joy and happiness. We can’t be our kids friends, it is almost impossible! How can we set a good example if we are going to place ourselves on a friendship level.

I watched a show last night where the woman wanted to mentor a teen girl. Great idea right? It backfired on her though. The adult let herself go to the level of the teen in order to be good friends. They were both doing things that could have caused jail time, but luckily it was a television show, and the teen realized what was happening and went and made peace with her own mom.

We are taught as little kids that we will have fairy tale lives when we grow up. We are told we are beautiful, that there is no one else like us. This is true to a point. The difference is there are very few fairy tale lives in the world today.

There are way too many people living who have great emotional problems and I realize we can not fix each family’s personal life. The economy sucks, both parents need to work. Some homes have one parent, and even worse, some parents are not even home so the child raises themselves, but yet, we can not blame them can we?

The greed for money and better and bigger homes and three cars and maybe a truck is killing us. It is splitting up some families, in order to pay for these big items. I am not saying we should not want better things, but where do we draw the line. What are you going to take with you when you die? Zero. nada, not one thing. Every material thing on this earth in your possession is going to remain here for someone else to grab or sell. Only your soul and you know where you are going.

I have to stop now. I am going to probably lose some readers for being so outspoken, but I have to say what is on my mind. I don’t know why God allows things to happen here on earth. I don’t know what lessons we are supposed to learn. I can’t even admit that I have not wondered about God in the beginning. I am guilty of this with my brother’s illness, but in the end, I find my way back.

There may be no God, there may be no heaven or hell. Maybe we just die and that is it. We go back to dust or rot in a coffin. Maybe we will leave a mark on this earth, who cares when it is our time to die,and we don’t know where we stand.

I am not going to take the chance. I don’t want to die and then be standing face to face with God or Satan. It isn’t worth turning my back on God, just because I don’t have all the answers. I am not to have all answers. Why, just because.

We need God back in our public places, in our government, in our schools and at work and play. The more we take God out, the more crime rises, the more we lose our loved ones, the more we suffer.

I had to get this off of my chest so I can sleep tonight. I am sorry if I lose some bloggers over this, but maybe, just maybe, someone will really see what I see. Maybe I can give one more person hope, a little more faith. Just maybe ……….

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