Some headlines just write themselves, y’know? Every once in a while a yarn falls so beautifully into place that it should be enshrined in museums the world over.

And whilst, yeah look, in the grand scheme of things this is actually quite a serious thing, COME ON it’s too perfect to not laugh at *just a little bit*.

Over the past four years, precisely 420 (FOUR HUNDRED AND TWENTY) soldiers in the Australian Defence Forces have returned positive drug tests for a range of illicit substances.

The numbers, revealed in documents obtained by AAP in a Freedom of Information Act request, show that in the 2012-13 year, 132 soldiers returned positive readings. In 2013-14, a further 101 were caught. 102 were nabbed in 2014-15, and 85 were pinged in the 12 months to the end of June this year.

Ecstasy was by-far the ADF’s apparent drug-of-choice, featuring in 96 of those positive cases. Cannabis was not far behind (85), while amphetamines (65), steroids (64), and methamphetamines (57). Cocaine and benzodiazepines featured in 22 cases each, whilst a mere four positive results were as a result of opiate usage.

The ADF has a particularly tough zero-tolerance policy for drug usage, and of those 420 (again, lol) cases, only one escaped without penalty. 13 remain in the army on formal warnings that are up to three years in length, and seven cases from this year are yet to be ruled on. Every other case has resulted in that person being discharged from the army.

And whilst, we reiterate, that is a rather troubling and worrying stat line that doesn’t appear to be doing much in the way of going away, we can’t help but again point out the fact that it was EXACTLY four-twenty soldiers involved.

420 blaze it, ADF.

Source: SBS News.

Photo: Chris Jackson/Getty.