A trip to the local theater turned out to be a heartbreaker in more ways than one for Wolverine this past Sunday. When he set up a date with Jean Grey for dinner and a movie, he felt he was on top of his game. “I had heard some great reviews about Deadpool and I mean Jean and I are both superheroes. It’s a superhero movie. And it was Valentine’s Day! I didn’t think anything could go wrong.”

Yet the two never made it to dinner. “She left 20 minutes into the movie.” Wolverine sniffled. “She whispered, ‘You never made a movie this cool.’ and then got up and left. I think she was embarrassed because I had already started crying.” He whimpered, wiping some snot on his sleeve.

As soon as the movie had started, Wolverine knew he was going to regret his decision. “The opening credits were just so awesome and then it kept getting better. Why didn’t I get an R-rated movie?” He then proclaimed that he could be just as witty and daring as Deadpool. “Do they want me to be an anti-hero? Because I can be an anti-hero!”

When we pointed out that this could be a good turning point for superhero movies in general, his ears perked up and he asked if we thought that maybe he might get a hip movie some day too. “Maybe Deadpool could team up with me! A new X-Men with a lot of swear words!”

Until then, Wolverine says he plans to stay in the theater and watch Deadpool a few more times to get all his tears out. Maybe he’ll even run into a sniveling Green Lantern shamefully hiding in the back row.