The Enjoyable Art Of Learning To Talk To Random People

By: Stephanie Kirby

Updated February 06, 2020

Medically Reviewed By: Rashonda Douthit , LCSW

Do you ever have to wait in line and find yourself avoiding eye contact, whether with employees or other customers? Have you ever seen someone who seemed so at ease in a crowd of strangers that they were able to have a casual conversation with anyone, without coming off as strange or annoying? Maybe you just wish it was easier to meet new people or feel at ease at a party. The truth is that all friendships start out with one person taking the risk of starting a conversation. And learning to talk to random people can be fun, as well as rewarding. Here's how to get started.

Stop Worrying About the Outcome

Not every person you strike up a conversation with will become a friend. But a few might. And the goal of every random interaction isn't necessarily a lifelong friendship. Sometimes, it just makes you feel more confident about go to the post office and sharing a brief friendly chat with a stranger. It's like practice for when you have a more meaningful conversation.

There's really no reason to worry. If you're talking to strangers, you probably don't have to ever see them again if things get awkward, so don't put too much pressure on the conversation.



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Ask Questions

One of the easiest ways to start a conversation is to ask the other person questions about themselves. This gets them talking about things that are important to them, and it reduces the chance that you start blabbing about a topic they have no interest in. As you find out about them, you will find that people often ask reciprocal questions about you in turn. This gives you the opportunity to share something about yourself with them.

Don't Worry What Strangers Think of You

When you make yourself a part of a conversation in public, remember that being true to yourself is more important than what strangers think. Who you are is no less valid than who anyone else is. So be proud of you and be honest about yourself. And if the conversation has the potential to become a future friendship, remember that you don't need or want friends who don't accept you anyway. The things you think everyone else is noticing about your imperfections are usually things that only you notice.

Look for Something That You Have in Common

One of the easiest ways to start a conversation is to find something that you can connect with the other person about. And, it's a lot easier to do this than you might think. If you ask a few questions you can usually start to find something that is similar. It could be that your kids go to the same school, that you are in the same line of work, or that you both hate the new way they moved the checkout line at the store. If you can find just one thing to connect over it can make the rest of your conversation a lot easier.



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Choose the Right Person

No matter how hard you want to try to talk to people there are some people that just aren't going to want to small talk with you while waiting in a line. So, it's important to learn how to read people's body language so you can identify people who might want to talk from the ones that have closed themselves off to the possibility. If someone has their arms crossed, makes sure not to make eye contact with others, or is glaring at everyone in the room, it might not be the right time to try to talk to them.

Don't Make Assumptions

Assumptions are not going to help you on this journey and neither will snap judgments. You can't judge a book by its cover so don't even try when you want to learn how to make small talk with people. Don't think you know anything about them unless they tell you or it's something so obvious. For example, if they are wearing Disney clothing from head to toe you can assume that they like Disney and then it's safe to ask if they've been to the park. However, if you see a woman with a child, don't assume that she is a mom. You never know what things will offend people, so steer clear of these topics. And, by all means, never ask a woman when her due date is unless you've heard her say that she's expecting a baby.

Steer Clear of Controversial Topics

When you want to make small talk with someone it's not the right time to dive into things like politics or religion. These are topics that are very personal to people and people generally have strong feelings one way or another. Instead of making small talk you could find yourself in a heated debate.

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Think About What You Can Learn

It's amazing that each person can be so different. Instead of being stressed or anxious over having to talk to someone change your mindset to focus on what you'll be able to learn from them. It's interesting to hear all the different types of jobs or life experiences that people have had. If you shift your focus it will help take some of the pressure off of you.

Learn Current Events

If you want to be able to small talk with others it can be helpful to know what's going on in the world. If you know a little bit about a lot of different topics it will make it easier to find something that you can talk to other people about. Know what the big news is in sports, local affairs, what movies are coming out, and the new restaurant that's going to be opening downtown.

Don't Overshare

One way to make yourself and other people uncomfortable very quickly is to overshare information about yourself. You are simply striking up a small talk conversation with someone, not trying to turn them into your instant best friend. That means you don't need to let them in on the all the little secrets of your life.

Talk to Random People for Fun

The truth is that striking up a casual conversation can make boring errands more enjoyable than standing quietly while you wait to finish your task. Go ahead and smile, say hi, and crack a joke. It will make you feel better about yourself and your day for very little risk.

If you have anxiety about talking to strangers, try thinking about the situation logically and remembering talking to another adult in public is not like the playground at school. Everyone is not looking at you, and even if they make a judgment about you, it's unimportant to your life and other friendships. When anxiety makes it impossible to get over your fear of striking up a conversation, talk to a professional therapist to help you take small steps toward confidence.