God bless the people over at Playbill who corralled Santino Fontana and David Furr, who star as Algernon and Jack respectively in Broadway's The Importance Of Being Earnest, into reading transcripts of Jersey Shore completely in character. The resulting non-sequitors are dark, funny, and not too outside of the realm of what Oscar Wilde might write were he alive today. He would surely find Sammi Sweetheart just as insufferable as Snooki does.