Portage la Prairie, MB –

Too afraid of sharts to go into the water?

The City of Portage la Prairie and local, hit TV station CIPP-TV are teaming up to present a week-long marathon of programming documenting a frightening phenomenon, the shart.

Prevalent in the region, sharts are a terrifying and all too common problem for Portagers. Media juggernaut, CIPP-TV and the City of Portage are hoping to exploit this regional problem for ratings and tourism gains.

Production crews have been working for months to create a week’s worth of programming dedicated to telling the story of the shart.

Often misunderstood and feared, the shart first appeared thousands of years ago and has evolved and thrived in the Central Plains area. Although they should be respected the reality is you are more likely to be seriously harmed by a mosquito than a shart.

Here is a list of these can’t miss episodes airing this week.

“Shart Lair” – see where sharts live.

– see where sharts live. “Sharts of Darkness” – some say they are a mere myth while others believe the largest and most impressive sharts live hidden in the dark and only come out at night while we sleep.

– some say they are a mere myth while others believe the largest and most impressive sharts live hidden in the dark and only come out at night while we sleep. “Don’t go into the water” – a Portage man tells of his ill-timed shart incident and fouling of local pool.

– a Portage man tells of his ill-timed shart incident and fouling of local pool. “Shart Attack” – a collection of Portage’s most alarming shart encounters resulting in injury.

– a collection of Portage’s most alarming shart encounters resulting in injury. “Deuces are Wild” – sharts in the wild are caught in their natural habitat.

– sharts in the wild are caught in their natural habitat. “Shart Body Language” – what does the physical makeup of a shart tell us.

– what does the physical makeup of a shart tell us. “Sharts – Predators or Prey?” – while some sharts hunt others are eaten.

– while some sharts hunt others are eaten. “Sharts of Different Colours” – sharts come in a rainbow of colours that can tell us a lot about the shart and the sharter.

– sharts come in a rainbow of colours that can tell us a lot about the shart and the sharter. “Sharts – Maneater of Myth” – what is real and what is legend in the world of sharts.

– what is real and what is legend in the world of sharts. “Sharts of Crescent Lake” – sharts that lurk in and around Portage’s lake.

– sharts that lurk in and around Portage’s lake. “Great Shart Hunt” – go along with some of the best shart collectors.

– go along with some of the best shart collectors. “Great White Sharts” – albino sharts are the most dangerous but thankfully the most rare. Discover what you have to eat to get white sharts and what underlying health problems are at work.

– albino sharts are the most dangerous but thankfully the most rare. Discover what you have to eat to get white sharts and what underlying health problems are at work. “Shart Cage” – camer crews get up close and personal with a variety of sharts.

– camer crews get up close and personal with a variety of sharts. “Sharts of the Red Triangle” – where is the Red Triangle and how does it make sharts more aggressive.

– where is the Red Triangle and how does it make sharts more aggressive. “Blood in the Water” – when the shart hits the fan and messes with hemorrhoids.

Tune in 7pm-10pm all week-long on CIPP-TV Channel 116.

Notice to reader/disclaimer – this site and story are fictional – that means it’s not real. You are real, well at least we think you are real but what you are reading is not. Wait a minute, does that mean because you just read this you are fictional as well? Hold on, I’m confused.

Headline Photo: Gui Siez – https://www.flickr.com/photos/guiseiz/

Body Photo: Kingdom For A Donkey – https://www.flickr.com/photos/akingdomforadonkey/

Body Photo 2: Brendan Gray – https://www.flickr.com/photos/grayskull/