The first rule of responding to another article you see on the Internet is asking yourself: really? Is this worth it? Can’t I just post a snarky, verbally abusive anonymous comment like everyone else and feel a slight pang of relief?

The short answer, after reading 27 Reasons Feminism is Not ‘For Everybody’: hell no. I need to address this. And before you dismiss me as some angry pit-stained, mustachioed hairy-legged whatever image is conjured up when the word ‘feminism’ is whispered, I must tell you that I wear short shorts and padded bras to make my boobs appear bigger and I like giving blow jobs. So that’s settled.

So here’s my rebuttal.

1. I need feminism because I refuse to be a victim.

2. I need feminism because as a woman of white privilege, I recognize that I’m fortunate to live in a Western society, but I also know that if we don’t ascertain our right to be free to dress the way we want, and say what we want, and vote, and choose to have children or not, without pretending it’s simply the status quo, how I can I ever hope to help women around the world with their suffering?

3. I need feminism because society is filled with double standards and divisive dichotomies.

4. I need feminism because people use the word slut to define a woman who likes to fuck.

5. I need feminism because the idea of being a woman and being anti-feminist is an oxymoron.

6. I need feminism because we must reclaim the word and give it a proper meaning. I can be a feminist and wear makeup and like dresses and heels and shave my legs and post selfies on Instagram while still being intelligent and clever. I can be whoever the fuck I want to be.

7. I need feminism because I acknowledge that while rape is a crime issue, it’s more complex than simply categorizing it in one neat folder and I must make an informed decision on what my rights are and protect myself accordingly.

8. I need feminism because there’s way too much gutter out there about accepting/hating/loving your body and it’s time to just, I don’t know… live? Our lives?

9. I need feminism because asking for help doesn’t make me weak, and refusing help doesn’t make me a ball buster.

10. I need feminism PRECISELY because I know it’s possible to put yourself in a “rapey” situation.

11. I need feminism because while some people pretend rape culture doesn’t exist, pretending that women are always the victim does them an incredible disservice because it takes away their power of agency.

12. I need feminism because slut-shaming is a real thing.

13. I need feminism because transgendered women are women.

14. I need feminism because I am responsible for my actions, whatever they may be, and I shouldn’t be victimized or blamed for them based on my gender.

15. I need feminism because it’s not about letting some angry faceless woman speak for you, it’s about finding a sense of power in numbers, and understanding that you’re not alone.

16. I need feminism because women are too often painted in society as weak creatures who need saving, yet we also expect them to bear and raise children and have a job and maintain a positive body image and be sexual creatures and make their marriage a success while of course remaining modest and humble and not overshadow their male counterparts.

17. I need feminism because I am a self-respecting woman.

18. I need feminism because it does not preclude me from understanding men have issues too.

19. I need feminism because people made a huge deal out of Beyonce being in her underwear on the cover of Time magazine, like it was a matter of public policy. Get over yourselves.

20. I need feminism because my vagina shouldn’t give me special treatment or shitty treatment, it should only give me ORGASMS.

21. I need feminism because discrimination exists in all social classes, and sexist biases happen to the kindergarten teacher as much as they do to Angelina Jolie.

22. I need feminism because the issue of parenthood is not whether or not we’re allowed to opt out of it, it’s about the social judgement reserved for your decision depending on your gender.

23. I need feminism because Sarah Palin.

24. I need feminism because people pretend the wage gap is not a myth in order to avoid addressing the issue.

25. I need feminism because rape jokes and sexist jokes and abortion jokes can be really funny like any other joke, and I refuse to feel shitty for finding them funny.

26. I need feminism PRECISELY because my gender doesn’t make me weak.

27. I need feminism because Cathy Hills wrote an entire article about not needing feminism but she is clearly a feminist.