HALIFAX, NS—After a week of searching for the perfect gift, local office worker Andrew Little still can't decide which $10 piece of crap to buy for his Secret Santa.

According to Little, the difficulty in finding the right $10 piece of crap is due to his perfectionism.

"Most people will just get any old $10 piece of crap and forget about it," said Little. "But not me. It's all about matching the perfect $10 piece of crap to the right person."

In recent years, Little has, to his mind, built a reputation for the thoughtfulness of his crappy $10 Secret Santa gifts. However, having drawn a co-worker about whom he knows very little, he worries that this year, his streak of success may come to a screeching halt.

"The last couple times it was real easy finding good $10 pieces of crap," said Little, an administrative clerk at a mid-sized insurance company. "Like, last time I had Bob in accounting, and he always wears this tie with golf stuff on it. So I got him one of those little greens for your bathroom so you can putt while you sit on the toilet."

"But this year I got Sarah Reynolds in customer service," he continued. "She seems nice, but I don't know anything about her except that she likes to drink wine. A lot of folks around here would probably just get her a nice bottle or an opener or something. But that's just taking the easy way out!"

"When a co-worker opens a gift from Andrew Little I want them to know that that $10 piece of crap was the result of painstaking effort," he added.

At press time, Little had found at least two $10 pieces of crap he considers "pretty darned good", but emphasized he won't make a final selection until he "feels it in [his] gut".

"I'm looking at a fun t-shirt that says 'Wine O'Clock' on it or a big, joke-sized wine glass that's real big and funny," said Little. "She'd probably get a big kick out of either, but neither is calling out to my soul, you know?"

"When it comes to the truly great Secret Santa gifts, you don't choose the $10 piece of crap – the $10 piece of crap chooses you," he added.

Despite his anguish, Little believes strongly that his effort is its own reward.

"It's never easy finding the perfect $10 piece of crap to give your colleague," he added. "But it's worth it because it shows that you that you care. It's what the holidays are all about!"

According to inside sources within Little's office gift exchange, literally everyone besides Reynolds will receive a $10 Starbucks gift card.

If you're planning on drinking at your office holiday party, make sure you listen to your brain:

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