NEW YORK—Racking his brain for some detail of the life he lived before quarantine measures began, local man Eric Leverett told reporters Thursday, “I was a barber…a barber, that’s right,” as he struggled to remember how he spent his days before the coronavirus pandemic struck. “Yes, yes, it’s coming back to me now: I had a job, a place I went to almost every day, where I used some kind of sharpened blades to make people’s hair shorter,” said Leverett, images of swivel chairs and glass containers full of strange liquids flashing through his memory as he attempted to piece together dimly recalled fragments of the world he inhabited prior to March 2020. “Mirrors…there were mirrors everywhere…and there was a constant buzzing, for some reason. Also—this is the funniest thing—I had some sort of cape I used to fasten around people’s necks. I honestly couldn’t tell you why, but I’m pretty sure about that part. This was all, of course, a long, long time ago.” At press time, Leverett acknowledged to reporters that this scenario did seem a bit far-fetched, and that in all likelihood, his mind was simply playing tricks on him.

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