This review was part of a contest I held on /r/cigars, where I had contestants guess how far I could get through this notoriously bad stick before packing it in. Whoever could closest guess what the final length of the stick was (from head to burn line) won this beautiful pecan-wood 4-finger ashtray made by /u/wedgewoodrings. The digital caliper measurement and winner announcement is at the bottom of this review.

Ron Mexico Churchill

Where to even begin with the Ron Mexico? This is probably the most talked-about cigar on /r/cigars. Like the Fuente Fuente Opus X, the Ron Mexico is a Dominican puro. Thats where the similarities end. It’s a proprietary Cigars International blend, that is sold in mazos of 20 for $20. The name comes from a pseudonym that Michael Vick used when going in for STD testing, which is why the shady looking fellow on the band is in the same pose as the Heisman Trophy. This is largely regarded as one of the worst “premium cigars” on the market. Of course, it only comes in a nauseatingly-large 7″ x 50 churchill.

Statistics

Shape: Parejo







Size: 7″ x 50







Country of Origin: Dominican Republic







Wrapper: Dominican







Binder: Dominican







Filler: Dominican







Color: Colorado

Colorado





Strength: Mild

Mild





Price Paid: Trade

Trade





Smoke Date: 10/05/2013

10/05/2013





Age: 1 month

Accessories Used

Cuban Crafters Perfect Cutter (Silver & Carbon Fiber), Silver & Chrome Vector Stratos single-flame torch lighter, Handmade English walnut ashtray made by wedgewoodrings, Winston Churchill “Great Drinkers” shotglass (for measuring the vodka), and a Neiko 01407A Stanless Steel 6-Inch Digital Caliper with Extra-Large LCD Screen and Instant SAE-Metric Conversion.

Pairing

I thought long and hard about what an appropriate pairing for a Ron Mexico, and settled on a drink that I invented: vodka and prune juice. I call it a “poodriver”. This one was made with chilled Sunsweet Prune Juice, Ketel One Vodka, and self-loathing. It was served in a small ribbed (for her pleasure) glass, and garnished with a folded square of Charmin Ultra Soft. It tastes slightly better than it looks. The tartness was a useful palate-cleanser after the burnt cardboard taste of the Ron Mexico.

Appearance/Nose

The wrapper was smooth, light brown,and not oily it all. It had the texture and look of a brown paper bag. The cap was pretty ugly. The band is just bizarre. A mustachioed man in sunglasses and a white suit straight out of Michael Jackon’s Moonwalker, clutches a firstful or red cigars while leaving a trail of smoke behind him. In a completely weird move, the logo and little guy–hell, even the smoke trail– were embossed. You know, in case you need to make sure your Ron Mexico isn’t a counterfeit. The nose was pretty mild, but smelled of hay and a little grass.

Construction

The stick felt extremely light in the hand. The (single) cap was so wobbly, it looked kind of like someone had taken a bite out of it before sticking it on. There was an extremely soft (hollow?) spot about halfway down the stick on the right side. There was an enormous vein running down about three inches of the backside of this stick (or perhaps the whole stick is backside?) The burn was pretty even throughout. The ash was dark gray, and held on for at least a half-inch each time.

Cold Draw

Grassy with a bit of hay. The draw was nice and smooth.

Smoking

First third

The first few puffs actually weren’t bad! The flavor was very mild, but smooth and dare-I-say creamy?

The burn was pretty fast, and the smoke volume was very low.

About half an inch in, it developed a “burnt paper” taste that was less-than-delicious, but that faded a bit with slower puffing. The burn was pretty even though, and the ash stayed put. Honestly, so far it’s a mediocre cigar, but not a terrible one.

The primary flavors were grass, hay, cream, and a light floral taste. The flavor did not change much in the first third and the burn remained razor-sharp.

Second third

Coming into the second third, the cream and floral notes “mellowed out”, which is to say that they fucked off, and left a rather cardboardy taste behind.

After ashing and purging, though, the creamy and floral notes returned. The retrohale even had a note of…some kind of pepper?

However, there came a point around halfway where no amount of purging could bring back any positive flavors. The cardboard was strong, and there was a sour, lingering wood-pulpy aftertaste that lingered. If there was any good tobacco in this log, it was all in the first half.

Final third

The final third is where it began to taste truly terrible. The burn paper taste overwhelmed everything else. This cigar managed to do something no other stick has done: make me gag. I tried to wash the taste out with a sip of poodriver, which was largely a mistake. okay, I’m done. This is where I get off this ride.

Notes

Draw: Smooth

Smooth





Body: Mild

Mild





Primary Flavors: Cardboard, cream, burnt paper

Cardboard, cream, burnt paper





Smoke Output: Low

Low





Smoke Time: 45 minutes

Overall

Ok, so this was a $1 stick, and it’s hard to knock the presentation at that price. Yes, the band is goofy, the cap was mega-sloppy, but hey: $1. The construction, despite the soft spot, was actually alright. The burn line was sharp and even, the ash held on for an acceptable amount of time. The burn was fast, which was probably a mercy. But then there was the taste. While the first third was a hair above mediocre, The final third was so damn bad that any taste-positives were completely cleared off the table. My stomach actually hurts a half hour later as I write this. Fuck this cigar.

Rating

Contest Results