CLANGA? Hardly know her.

BY THACKTOR

How's everybody doing? I'm sure at this point we've all been to the doctor, gotten our heart medication and anxiety pills refilled, and continue to drink heavily despite that doc's wishes? Well, if you had a near coronary last week, it might be high time you get your affairs in order before Saturday's game, because this one may be a doozy.



But enough about how this season could leave us all feeling like Westley after his bout with The Machine, I'd like to talk about how Mississippi State fans are bravely lining up to support a noble cause. What cause, you ask? Well, they're supporting offensive lineman Dillon Day who is currently serving a suspension for allowing the laws of inertia to take hold of his giant form and accidentally guide his feet to sensitive regions of LSU players. Or he stomped the shit out of them. I'm not one to tell you what to think.



Some causes encourage you to walk and wear pink. Other causes encourage the growth of facial hair for a month. This cause? Well this cause encourages fans to unite and show support by getting fake sleeve tattoos and wearing them to the game. I don't know if I'm giving this the credit it deserves, so here's a choice line from "Maroon and White Nation" to really drive the point home (thanks, String):

How would it look on the SEC Nation broadcast if 60,000 Bulldawg fans turned out for the Texas A&M game wearing fake tattoo sleeves like these in support of Dillon Day? They’re easy to find and don’t cost much.

How would it look? Probably like the a giant group of easily spotted undercover agents attempting to get in with the Hell's Angels. That's how it would look.

ABSURD GAME PREDICTION

Kevin Sumlin politely requests that 3 large canvas bags be brought out before the pregame speech and placed in the center of the locker room where all the players can see.



"Gentlemen, this will be a tough crowd. They will be loud. They will be excited. They will hate you for dispatching with them the last two seasons," Sumlin says, somberly.



"You will want to silence the fans by taping their mouths shut. You may fantasize about cutting out their tongues, but sadly that is assault and battery and we don't do that here at A&M. We did do the next best thing, though." Sumlin continues, patting the top of one of the canvas bags.



"We cut out the tongues..." Sumlin pulls out one of 60,000 clappers from the canvas sacks "OF THEIR LOUDEST FANS!"



Delirium ensues.



Aggies - 42

Dawgs - 21

STOMPGATE

BY RCB05

In solidarity to our brethren of the Land Grant College of Mississippi, we submit our Sleeves for Dillon.

Click here to view full size image

CAST OF CHARACTERS BY DR. NORRIS CAMACHO

Germain Ifedi OT: Mississippi State's defensive line is the Arkansas offensive line of SEC West defensive lines. Or something. Whatever, they're damn good and will give us a lot of looks, so with Ced anchoring one end Germain will need to be stout at the other to protect Kenny.



DeVante Harris CB: #1's first full game back last week was mostly played in run support, so it will be key for him to be back out in space where he's comfortable against some pretty good receivers.



Jordan Mastrogiovanni LB: Dak Prescott is the most complete QB we'll see all season. It's going to take the right recognition and calls to keep him somewhat contained. And tackling, too. That part's pretty important as well. Let's do that.



ESPN DillonCam What footwear will #63 be sporting on the sidelines? Cross-trainers? Crocs with socks? Alligator skin boots with Wranglers? Or just a big ol' middle finger: some muddy-ass size 15 cleats?



Dillon Day Unfortunately, this rabbit-hole goes even further. Dillon Day is a man of many parts, apparently. And that body of work is long, if not necessarily distinguished.



WHAT TO WATCH FOR BY HYPNO-TOAD

The Dak Attack Dak Prescott will add a new twist for our defense as he brings the QB run attack along with MSU’s significant passing game. With 378 rushing yards in his first four outings Dak is well on his way to breaking the 1000 yard mark this season – and he has managed to do that while still throwing 11 TDs through the air. Now Southern Miss was able to contain him, so – wait, can that be right? [checks notes] Well I’ll be damned, Southern Miss was able to contain him. OK defense, in spite of everything you’ve been trained to do, um…. be more like Southern Miss.



Either way guys, I know we’ll always be friends forever.



Ganga These A&M tackling woes are so late-Fran-era, y’all. Unlike the Ohio State coaching staff, our defense succeeded only in solo tackling the air for most of the game before rediscovering gang tackling late against Arkansas – and fortunately it was enough to seal the deal in OT. Our defense is definitely not the biggest bunch on the block, and if they plan on stopping these bone-crunching SEC West teams then they’re going to need to keep tackling by committee. Watch out for those punters, fellas. I hear they can be pretty tough to bring down, what with being raised in a British penal colony and all.

