SACRAMENTO, CA—Noticing that he was still drinking the same bottle of Samuel Adams from 10 minutes ago, brother-in-law Todd Moore reportedly admonished local man Bryan Campos for not taking full advantage of the open bar at a family wedding Saturday. “Dude, it’s free,” said Moore, noting that the clock was ticking and that there wasn’t even any line to order. “Why do you have one hand empty? C’mon, drink up. They’ve got a shit-ton of top-shelf stuff, and you don’t even have to tip the guy.” At press time, Moore was seen walking to the dance floor struggling to carry three whiskey sours.

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