It’s important to train our kids how to be offended and to know which words should trigger them.

Thankfully the victim junkies at our state-sponsored Colorado State University have updated their Inclusive Language Guide. This is an arbitrary and ever-changing list of words and phrases they’d like scrubbed from our collective vocabulary.

All I can say is: This list takes the cake as being the craziest, most insane, deranged, demented, and dumb list made by uppity ladies and gentlemen going to war with us normal people in the peanut gallery to gyp us of our speech and sell our freedom down the river.

Can you identify all 14 non-inclusive words or terms in the previous sentence? Yes, 14.

“Takes the cake” should be replaced by “that was easy” because according to the guide,“cakewalks became popular through the racism of 19th-century minstrel shows, which portrayed black people as clumsily aspiring to be and dance like white people.”

“Ladies and gentlemen” implies that gender is binary.

“Uppity” is verboten because “during segregation, Southerners used ‘uppity’ to describe African-Americans who didn’t know their socioeconomic place.”

How should you address a letter without using Mr./Mrs./Ms.? Be careful because “using titles can be problematic when you are not aware of a person’s gender identity … These terms also exclude folks outside of the man/woman binary … Mx is a gender-neutral title.”

You can’t be a freshman in college because “man” excludes women and non-binary gender identities. There is no handicapped parking. No one is homosexual, Hispanic, Latino, paraplegic.

All this silliness can’t drive you nuts because, “Originally referring to mental illness, the terms “crazy” and “nuts” referred to people who were often institutionalized against their will.”

Here are words and phrases that our tax dollars at CSU inform us should be replaced by more inclusionary language: Addicted, basket case, blind, deaf, eye for an eye, spastic, OCD, dumb, mute, dwarf, midget, Eskimo, ghetto, barrio, disabled, lame, deformed, he, she, hip-hip-hooray, hold down the fort, Indian, lame, stupid, moron, idiot, imbecile, long time no see, mankind, manmade, policeman, fireman, chairman, male, female, no can do, normal person, oriental, paddy wagon, pow wow, rule of thumb, senile, demented, I’m starving, I’m broke, grandfather clause, food comma, thug, transgendered, tribe, spirit animal, war zone, battle, and wheelchair bound.

None of this can leave you “depressed.” CSU’s indoctrination of young minds teaches you may feel “sad”.

On the bright side, all this will train the next generation of National Public Radio announcers.

The left has always understood the political power of words. Change the words people use and you can change the way they think. George Orwell understood this concept of newspeak as did communist regimes and, apparently, as do the social justice warriors at CSU. (Funny “warrior” is okay but “Indian” isn’t.)

In my hometown of Boulder, according to city ordinance, you can no longer be a pet owner. You can, however, be a pet guardian. Yes, we all giggle at the absurdity. But in 20 years, after the next generation has gone through their public-school instruction, we will have trained them that they don’t really own what they own — the socialist norm.

It is a not-so-subtle form of brainwashing.

If only we less professionally-offended types could use the power of government code, public schools, higher education and public broadcast, what offensive words could we replace?

“Fee” is a hateful word used by those who despise taxpayer consent required by our Taxpayer Bill of Rights. Please use the gender-neutral word “tax.”

“Contribute” denotes a voluntary gift to a person or charity of an individual’s choice, as illustrated in, “please contribute to the Children’s Hospital.” There is nothing voluntary in “the wealthy must contribute more.” Please use the intersectionally balanced word “tax.”

Likewise, “investment” implies a voluntary act. Please use the locally grown, sustainably harvested word “tax.”

A “human right” is unconditional. For a government to provide healthcare we must be able to afford it, you know, a condition. Please say “health welfare.”

“Gun violence?” Just say “gun control.” “Assault weapon?” Please say “mean-looking gun that functions just like any other gun.”

“Undocumented” is what an inanimate object, like a car, is before you register it.

“Diversity,” please use “identity politics.” “Affirmative action” is “racial quotas.”

We could play this all day.

For those offended by our president’s vile use of words, you might wish to consider Trump was the inevitable reaction to the truly offensive indoctrination from the likes of CSU, public broadcasting and the educational establishment.

Just pow-wow on it.

Jon Caldara is president of the Independence Institute, a libertarian-conservative think tank in Denver.

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