Hit me up, fam (Picture: Charlotte Cockell for Metro.co.uk )

Are you weighing up the merits of banging your best mate? Is unsolicited parenting advice grinding your gears? Are you too hairy for Tinder?

Metro’s resident agony uncle Andy is happy to divulge the wisdom you seek.

Or just make fun of you over the internet.

'My girlfriend slept with her colleague and we're still together. Am I being a doormat?'

It’s all part of the service.


Fair warning – he’s not a fellow to mince his words.

So, if you want the lowdown on recreational urination, blagging free nosh or the etiquette of threesomes, drop a line to the guy with the golden quill – it’s Andy Hill.

Hmmm (Picture: Getty)

Dear Andy My missus is eager to try watersports. I didn’t know what that was until recently – turns out it involves pissing. I think she got the idea from that #WaterSportsGate thing. I guess I want to please her, although it sounds revolting. Should I go along with it in spite of my reservations? Yours, Geewhiz89

Stay hydrated (Picture: Getty)

Hey Geewhiz89,

Although I’m no expert regarding, uh, urolagnia, I have been known to dabble.



My best advice regarding sexual kinks, in general, is: do whatever your partner wants.

If she’s yearning to practice some dastardly freakish act, she’ll find some obliging soul sooner or later and you’ll be left high and dry.

Either way, that thirst is getting quenched.

Think of it as the golden rule.

Anyway, let’s assume you’re open minded enough to at least give it a whiz.

The first time I tried watersports, the young lady and I were out of our minds on M-Cat, mid-coitus, on a tatty old divan.

We passed out in a sticky heap immediately afterwards.

Not smart.

Remember that itchy feeling you’d get, as a kid, after wetting the bed?

Worse than the smell, worse than the shame, worse even than the nonplussed expression on mum’s face: that angry, blotchy rash that would linger and nag at you until morning playtime at least.

Second time (yeah, with a different girl #stud), we did it in the bath.

Such blessed relief – my territory well and truly marked, but otherwise clean as a whistle and good for a soothing eight-hour snuggle.

Pro-tip: drink lots of water beforehand, so you’re not hosing the poor girl down with a brackish, foul-smelling vichyssoise of hormones and sediment.

You’re welcome.

Andy

Got a question for Andy? Got a burning question you think Andy might be able to answer? Comment below and let us know or email hey@metro.co.uk You can also find Andy on Twitter and Facebook

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