While doing some weekend cleaning at his secluded ranch in Saskatchewan, professional sports-entertainer and feminist poet Brock Lesnar was pleasantly surprised to find the WWE Universal Championship belt wedged under the cushions of his living room sofa.

Until that moment, Lesnar had forgotten that he was the reigning and “defending” Universal Champion, since he hadn’t seen the belt for many weeks.

“I could have sworn I lost the belt to Reigns at WrestleMania,” Lesnar said to his shih-tzu, Smoochum. “But now that I think about it, I guess I had the belt at that big show in Qatar or Iran or wherever the hell that was.”

Given that he has not been asked to defend the championship in quite some time, Lesnar had assumed his contact with WWE was complete, and had begun contemplating his transition to a new sport.

“Badminton looks fun,” he said.