Wayne Butson, general secretary of the Rail and Maritime Transport Union, said many train drivers suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

The day a man stepped in front of the train Chris* was driving still feels surreal.

There was nothing he could do to stop the train from hitting him, he said.

"Everyone handles the situation differently. You have to just carry on, it's just one of those jobs."

Since Chris began his career as a train driver at the start of 2010, 123 New Zealanders have died on railway tracks around the country. Another 48 have been seriously injured.

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After the incident Chris said a counsellor was provided for him and he had follow-up calls until he felt better, as well as 10 days off work.

SIMON MAUDE/STUFF Train drivers are suffering a range of mental health issues after dealing with deaths at railway crossings.

Figures received under the Official Information Act showed 23 percent of Auckland's Transdev staff had accessed counselling services since 2015, a total of 137 workers out of 575.

While Chris was able to return to the job after the incident, he had some former workmates who struggled so much following a fatality they had to resign.

Alex* has been driving trains in Auckland for 16 years. During that time he has witnessed two fatalities while driving, as well as being on scene to help other drivers immediately after an incident.

"Both of the deaths happened quite early on in my career – the first one happened in Glen Eden. There was a young man asleep on the tracks," he said.

"I couldn't tell he was a person; it looked like just a pile of clothes. I didn't realise until I'd hit him.

"When police were talking to me on the platform afterwards I was just a blubbering mess, I burst into tears."

The second time, his train hit an elderly woman.

"It was one of those things where you're just so in shock to begin with and there's so much paperwork to do that you don't really start to deal with the grief and the shock until a few weeks later."

During his career Alex had seen colleagues left devastated by the emotions that hit them after a fatality.

"There was this one woman who was just a mess after she hit someone. It went on for weeks. One day she came into work and she just couldn't do it, she couldn't drive the train, so she left."

Alex said he often saw school children playing on the tracks or pushing their friends towards his train, which he said was difficult to deal with.

"They don't realise how dangerous it is. All it takes is one trip and they're under the train," he said.

Chris Harrowell Many train stations in Auckland have pedestrian level crossings.

"A year after I hit the woman, I had a bit of a breakdown when I saw a boy push another in front of my train. I just lost it, I was so angry. It wasn't a good look but it just affected me so intensely.

"Rail safety is very important – people like to blame the trains but it takes us ages to stop, we're going at speeds of 110kmh at times.

"The mechanics of how we drive mean when we come to a crossing or a station we have to plan for it well in advance, we can't just stop, and so when a person appears unexpectedly before that there's no leeway."

While Chris found counselling services helpful after the incident, Alex said for him it wasn't as successful.

"For me, my workmates were the ones that really helped console me. I'm glad counselling services are there, but the real effect is from those who have been through the same sort of incidents."

Rail and Maritime Workers Union general secretary Wayne Butson said a large number of train drivers were being diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

"The union fought strongly to have PTSD included as a covered injury under ACC for years," he said.

"Many drivers have left the industry and the job they loved because of PTSD and have had to get medical retirement, which is a huge cost to them as well as the industry because it takes a year to train their replacement."

David White/STUFF The remains of a car which collided with a train at the Morningside Station in Auckland.

Chris said he wished the general public was more aware of the issues train drivers faced.

Every now and then, he found himself re-playing the day the young man was hit, he said.

"For me, I do find myself thinking about what happened at times . . . but as more time goes on it starts to fade.

"I'll never forget it happened but I've managed to put it away in my subconscious and deal with it and move on."

Alex agreed that while he had been able to move on with his life and career, those who lost their lives on the tracks were never far from his mind.

"You never ever forget where it happened. You go through the same spot two or three times a day."

Transdev has been contacted for comment.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of those involved.