



This week marks an important milestone in our diverse history. Twenty-six years ago, on October 11, 1987 half a million people gathered at the United States capitol for the second National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights. The second being more notable than the first because of the nearly doubled participation and serious forward motion that occurred afterward. From this march on Washington stemmed nearly 100 new gay and lesbian organizations, and a little further down the road in 1988 - the very first National Coming Out Day was celebrated.





I'm very fortunate to have been born into a very supportive and open-minded family, so my coming out story may not be as exciting as others' but I'm going to share it anyway. Because you probably will not have the same experience, but I want to reinforce that there are good (or at least not-so-terrible) experiences to have when coming out. You can keep your family, your life, and your friends. Your parents may surprise you.

When I was 16, my computer desktop wallpaper was a photo of Ashley Simpson, something similar to the photo on the back of her album, Autobiography.





that as your wallpaper?” I simply responded, “She's hot.” I didn't really care for her music (this also probably confused my mom, as she knew I didn't like her music), but I liked the photo and had spoken the (my) truth - she looked hot. Her response to mine was, “Well couldn't you find someone a little less slutty?” I think this was in response to her song, “La La” at the time, which is basically all about sex. But hey, what song isn't ultimately about sex these days…? Anyway, this was the first of many hints I threw at my mom that I was at least a little gay. Her reaction was pretty nonchalant and we both went along on our way. Sequins, black hair, ring light shining in her eyes, and lip-gloss. My mom came in the computer room to talk to me about something, was distracted by the wallpaper and asked, “Why do you haveas your wallpaper?” I simply responded, “She's hot.” I didn't really care for her music (this also probably confused my mom, as sheI didn't like her music), but I liked the photo and had spoken the (my) truth - she looked hot. Her response to mine was, “Well couldn't you find someone a little less slutty?” I think this was in response to her song, “La La” at the time, which is basically all about sex. But hey, what song isn't ultimately about sex these days…? Anyway, this was the first of many hints I threw at my mom that I was at least a little gay. Her reaction was pretty nonchalant and we both went along on our way.

friend” with big air quotes while motioning hip thrusts behind the girl. Sometimes it felt like she was trying to work out in her head exactly what kind of friend I had brought home. Non-judgmental, just a little confusing since I hadn't sat down with her and defined my interests. It was a little awkward the last year of high school, even though I dated a boy, some girls I brought home, my mom treated a little differently. As if I had accidentally introduced them to her as my “” with big air quotes while motioning hip thrusts behind the girl. Sometimes it felt like she was trying to work out in her head exactly what kind of friend I had brought home. Non-judgmental, just a little confusing since I hadn't sat down with her and defined my interests.

any hints growing up. It came to a breaking point when I broke up with my (male) fiancé at age 22 and my dad had called me to make sure I was okay. He had hinted that I wasn't trying hard enough to make the relationship work, and suggested that we try therapy. We were talking pretty calmly up until this point and for some reason I lost my temper, and yelled into the phone, “This isn't something therapy can fix, Dad!” My heart pumped and I strained my ears for what would come through the phone next. I heard a quiet “Oh,” come through. He got it, loud and clear. I didn't even have to say the rest of the words. I hadn't given my dadhints growing up. It came to a breaking point when I broke up with my (male) fiancé at age 22 and my dad had called me to make sure I was okay. He had hinted that I wasn't trying hard enough to make the relationship work, and suggested that we try therapy. We were talking pretty calmly up until this point and for some reason I lost my temper, and yelled into the phone, “This isn't something therapy can fix, Dad!” My heart pumped and I strained my ears for what would come through the phone next. I heard a quiet “Oh,” come through. He got it, loud and clear. I didn't even have to say the rest of the words.

After that, during our phone conversations my dad would ask, “Are you dating anyone new?” rather than “Are you dating a new guy?” and I was thankful for the acceptance. At times, I am a little sorry I didn't have a sit down talk with each of my parents about my sexuality, because I'm sure both had questions. I made the assumption that both of my parents are internet-capable people who could seek information online, which isn't always wise and I wouldn't recommend for most people. I just didn't have an exact definition of my sexuality to give myself, let alone my parents so I abstained. And that's okay! If you come out to your parents or friends you don't have to make a big sit down conversation out of it, judge your own situation for the appropriate setting to come out in.

For some people, it can be a totally different story between them knowing you're into the same sex, and actually committing yourself to them with an engagement or wedding. A lot of my friends knew I was interested in women but when I told them (and updated my facebook status that) I proposed to my girlfriend some people were surprised I was "taking it that far" with a woman. I found some people were okay with me dating women but were worried for me because I wanted to marry one. Luckily, only a small handful of people acted this way towards me, and none of them were very close to me.





If you've been wanting to come out for a while, consider doing so on the 25th NCOD, this Friday, October 11th. Coming out can be something that a lot of people dread. Now that you know it's coming up, plan a party, make it fun! If you have already come out - support a friend, find an event, volunteer, speak, just live it up and raise awareness!



