Blood Will Have Blood: The Assamites

Open Development, Vampire: The Masquerade

Next on the open development tour for Lore of the Clans is Clan Assamite, written by Alan Alexander. The link to the Google Doc containing his material is here:

Edit: Link removed now that open development is closed. Thank you!

Alan’s pretty heavily over his word count, so I’m pretty focused on where we can tighten things up and cut material. As always, though, I’m curious to see if your comments reinforce my instincts, or point in a different direction. I’ll close comments on this one on Thursday, July 31st. I’ll put a big note on the document when I close it so it’s clear.

A few things to keep in mind (and I’ll be repeating these points a lot):

Comments only: Everyone (except me) is restricted to comments only. Don’t resolve someone else’s comments or mine, but feel free to discuss whatever makes sense. Please keep it civil, though, even if you disagree.

Keep calm and carry on: This is a preliminary draft. Things will likely change between this draft and the final book. If you see something weird or that you don’t agree with, don’t freak out and tell the Internet OMG VAMPIRE IS RUINT. Just comment on the concerning area, and I’ll look into it. Certainly don’t give the writer shit for it.

Substance over style: I’m focusing purely on the content, not punctuation or grammar. That kind of refinement of the material will happen in a later draft. Don’t worry too much about commenting on those concerns, unless something makes the material confusing to understand.

Cards close to my chest: Because I don’t want to bias the discussion, I’m keeping my thoughts on how I want to redline this chapter to myself. I’ll certainly answer questions and help steer conversation away from unproductive avenues, but in general I want to see what you think, not tell you what I think.