Last Updated @ 10:08M (2.4.2016)

A World War I-era 1917 Sopwith Camel biplane (Top Left) and a modern F-35 (Top Right) in their natural habitat - on the ground.





THE PENTAGON ( The Nil Admirari ) - Today, the Pentagon released a report on the famously successful F-35 Joint Strike Fighter. The report found the F-35 was capable of performing one mission per month due to much-needed maintenance between missions, and Lockheed Martin claimed it was a safety feature to protect civilians from what they called "a highly effective killing machine.""The F-35 can be utilized about twelve times every year. In between these missions the F-35 will require weeks of maintenance to address the damage it sustained from being exposed to direct sunlight, rain, wind, and the Earth's atmosphere," explained Secretary of Defense Ashton B. Carter.Carter continued, "The over $1 trillion spent on the F-35 have been well worth it. The American taxpayer can be proud of the F-35, because it is a platform that cannot indiscriminately kill as many civilians as older and more effective platforms.""I will now allow Lockheed Martin Chairman, President, and CEO Marillyn A. Hewson to make a statement on the F-35," declared Secretary Carter, as he rushed for the nearest exit."Lockheed Martin stands by the F-35. It is such an effective killing machine it needs to be limited to one mission per month," stated Hewson."And, of course, Lockheed Martin is extremely concerned about civilian casualties," asserted Hewson prior to making a hasty exit.