When I heard that San Francisco is home to Kink.com, the largest fetish porn studio in the world, I was intrigued.

And when I heard that anyone could go inside it — pun intended — and take a tour, I signed the fuck up.

I don't really watch porn, for long and nuanced reasons that can probably be summed up as: It's just not my jam. But still, who wouldn't be curious about this? Would I see actual BDSM scenes being filmed? Is there a Clueless-like computer that matches your ball gag to your cat-o'-nine tails?

As someone who's not a bondage porn consumer, I decided I'd make the perfect, unjaded initiant to the world of fetish video. And so, a little nervous, I made my way to the Mission, home to the Armory's five-floor, 200,000-square-foot porn palace, with a tour ticket and an open mind.