Four decades of horror movie franchises have allowed us to chart the exact cinematic career path of any new teenager-murdering icon. It's not entirely dissimilar from the career trajectory of a 1980s teen heartthrob -- all of the Freddys and Jasons and Leatherfaces of the world enjoy a meteoric rise to stardom, a drug-fueled "Two Coreys" flash in the spotlight, an embarrassing slide into irrelevance, a misguided attempt to reinvent themselves, and finally a VH1 Behind The Music special in the form of a tear-jerking cinematic origin story.

To help illustrate this journey, let's create our very own horror movie slasher. And by that, I mean I will create this character on my own with absolutely no input from any of you. I'm sorry for any confusion that errant contraction may have caused.

Our supernatural slasher is The Bone Fiddler, an undead tumbling clown from 17th-century Paris who turns his victims' bones into fiddles. You can tell when he is about to strike, because you will hear the unmistakable sound of someone trying to play a fiddle made of bone, which, for the uninitiated, sounds almost exactly like a Haddaway cassette being eaten by the tape deck of an Oldsmobile Cutlass.