What does an unicorn's horn do? A unicorn's horn is located on the forehead of the beast at an 82.3 degree angle. It is made of 90% bone and 10% fairy dust. It aids the unicorn in battle, whether it be for mates or sheer protection. A unicorn's horn can be spiral, straight, or rarely... split. Unicorns with deformed horns are oftentimes exiled from the herd and made slaves of well hung midgets. This is not fun, in no circumstance should anyone be enslaved by a well hung midget due to a natural deformity. The horn enables the straight horned unicorn to perform outlandish break dancing maneuvers. The spiral horned unicorn is a hit at parties due to it's uncanny ability to open champagne bottles. In the 1980's homosexuality was on the rise and poaching of unicorns became an intense sport in the homosexual hot spots across the world. This eventually led to the demise of the unicorn as we know it.