These days, the media is less a service for filtering the most important information into your head, and more a direct pipeline into Donald Trump's lizard brain. Fortunately for you, we don't particularly care about our mental health, so we dove into recent events and pulled up some stories that the media didn't cover in the same level of excruciating detail that they normally reserve for his word flubs . Like ...

5 Jared Kushner's Dodgy AF Real Estate Dealings

As a man tasked with bringing diplomacy to the world's most contentious hot spots, solving the opioid crisis, and finally learning to read, Jared Kushner is so comically out of his depth that we'd almost feel sorry for the poor doofus ... if he wasn't up to his eyeballs in suspect business of his own.

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After Kushner was brought to the White House in 2017, a real estate company he founded with his brothers, Cadre, received over $90 million in funding from a "opaque offshore vehicle" based in the Cayman Islands -- which you may recognize as the backstory for the evil businessman from every '90s action movie. But didn't Kushner have to give up his role in the company when he joined the government? Yes, but he still owns a significant stake in Cadre -- a stake that's now worth $50 million, as a result of the company's mysterious benefactor.

Now, we can't definitively declare who's making it rain, but according to The Guardian, the funding was deposited into the Cayman account from other locations, including another offshore tax haven and Saudi Arabia. Meanwhile, Kushner isn't likely to be offering up any details about his financial arrangements in the near future, especially considering that he was once questioned by the government for failing to disclose his stake in Cadre, which he called an "inadvertent" mistake.

Kevin Dietsch-Pool/Getty Images

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We don't want to tell the guy how to spend his money, but he might want to consider investing in a memory trainer or something. When Kushner applied for his national security clearance, the forms he submitted were so badly riddled with errors and omissions that the application was rejected over concerns that he was susceptible to "foreign influence." He eventually got his clearance, but only because a member of the administration complained to the vetting agency. Which is the government version of "I'd like to speak to your manager."