Pun intended.









Would you fight a dinosaur?No way, are you crazy?Good choice, cause you'd get jurass kicked.What do you call a witch that's sitting in the middle of the desert, trembling with fear?A chicken sandwich.My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.Daughter: "Mom, can I get a cat or a dog at Christmas, please?"Mom: "No honey, you will be getting turkey, like every Christmas!"My socks got really holy. I can only wear them to church.I fear my stuttering brother may never finish his prison sentence.A guy walks into a pharmacy: "I have extreme headaches, my belly cramps, I feel like I'm about to vomit and my back hurts like something tears the muscles apart. Do you have something?"Pharmacists: "Nope, I feel fine."�A doctor got angry.He lost all his patients.I got my girlfriend a 'Get better soon'� card.She's not ill or anything, but she could definitely get better.We had a party in the office yesterday. As the evening progressed, a rather overweight female coworker of mine decided to dance on the table. I remarked, "Wow, really impressive legs!"�She blushed and asked if I really meant it. "Absolutely, Karen! An average table would have collapsed by now!"�What does a CIA agent do when it's time for bed?He quickly goes under cover."I love the feeling when I can make people open up to me."Mike, 48, surgeonHow can you detect a detective dog?He's the one with the good lead.The longest I've ever gone without a pun was 7 days. Pretty weak.Two underpans meet for a beer."Why are you so brown?"� asks one."Don't ask. It was a really crappy week."I Googled "how to start a wildfire".I got 48,500 matches.A patient bursts into a doctor's office, "Doctor, I believe I'm a deck of cards!"The doctor calmly replies, "Go sit in the waiting room, please, I'll be dealing with you later."A Spanish magician has a grand magical show and at the end he says he will disappear after counting to three. He starts to count, "Un, dos..."�Kazaam! He vanished without a tres.This gravity joke is getting a bit old, but I fall for it every time.Why did the balloon go near the needle?He wanted to be a pop star.I was hoping to steal some leftovers from the party but I guess my plans were foiled.My cousin, a magician, decided to incorporate the use of trapdoors in his shows. But I think it's just a stage he's going through.I got very lonely lately, so I bought some shares.It's much nicer having some company.Which country's capital is the fastest growing?Answer: Ireland's.Every year it's Dublin.Why was the chef arrested?He was beating eggs every day.Why isn't it always hotter in the stadiums after a game?I mean, all the fans have left.Apparently taking a day off is not something you should do when you work for a calendar company.See also: Dad Jokes