There really is no great way to describe my newest burkini. There is no shape that it takes on, no existing style that it resembles, no problem that it effectively solves. It impedes both modesty and actual swimming, costs more than $100 plus shipping, and can be secured only with an array of hooks, straps and elastic bands.

It is completely and entirely Barbie pink.

And according to Mayor David Lisnard of Cannes, if worn on a beach in his French city, it is “unwelcome.” It is a “symbol of Islamic extremism.” It may “create risks of disrupting public order.” I get the feeling that he is not talking about its color or functionality or the vast room for improvement designers have when it comes to modest wear. Which is a real shame — in another world, together we could’ve started a fashion revolution.

I get the feeling that he wouldn’t understand the irony of his statements even if I explained it to him. A prime example of “Islamic extremism” is forbidding Muslim women to swim at a beach as they please. It is restricting their apparel choices, robbing their free will, making rules about how they should present themselves in public. It is a group of armed police officers cornering a Muslim woman and appearing to force her to take off her modest attire in the middle of a crowded Nice beach.

I’ve cycled through many swimsuits in the 18 years of my young life: sleek Speedo one-pieces, matching short-sleeved tops and trunks, a decent looking burkini in navy blue and this absolute nightmare in Barbie pink. For more than 10 of those 18 years, I have worn a head scarf. The modesty of my swimsuits has increased with my age and my dedication to Islam, but I have been the same person underneath them all.