STEVENS POINT, WI – Administration at the University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point hosted an open forum on Monday in response to kick-back from leaked emails suggesting their recent proposal slated the art major for elimination due to what they referred to as “excessive amounts of nudity.”

Other emails cited the pivotal importance of modesty in the work-place, concern that nude paintings were scaring touring fisheries students away from the university and a certain upper-level administrators “life-long fear of nipples.”

The email came out after senior art major, Gustav de Goya, placed an open records request for all administrative emails pertaining to the discontinuance of the art major. The request turned up over 200 emails which took de Goya three days to read through.

“At first I was in shock. I had my theater buddies over for dramatic readings. We took a shot every time administration used a euphemism for genitalia,” de Goya said. “It was funny but it was scary and clear that administration just doesn’t get what art is about. Painting nude models has never been sexual.”

Georgia Carr, professor of art and de Goya’s advisor, said she was outraged by the contents of the emails.

“I am actually very pro-censorship,” Carr said. “I don’t think three-year-old children should be allowed to watch ‘Sharknado’ because it’s a terrible movie. But there is a place for nudity in good art, and I think that’s what administration is failing to understand.”

The forum, held in the Laird room, was packed with students holding print out copies of Titian’s famous nude, ‘Venus of Urbino.’

As administration issued a statement apologizing for the emails and denying that any instances listed were considerations in the proposal to eliminate the art major, students noted that the speakers never seemed to look past their note sheets to acknowledge the art that the students were holding.

De Goya explained the tension in the room, saying “it was weird to watch them flit between looking at their shoes and making intense eye-contact with the audience. I don’t think they could look at the ‘Venus’ at all. The dance majors sitting next to me were taking bets on which one had the ‘fear of nipples.’”

Hester Pike, the librarian who turned over the records said she was surprised by the turnout of de Goya’s request.

“Gustav came in and asked for all emails pertaining to the discontinuance of the art major, and I just thought to myself, ‘Good luck, kid.’ But I don’t get a lot of these requests, so I was glad to get to do it finally,” Pike said. “When I read the first email, I was so disappointed in our administration and that feeling kept coming.”

Pike said reading through the emails left her so disheartened that she resigned the following day. She plans to take a good long break before seeking employment as the records keeper at a university far away from Stevens Point.

“When I found out Pike had retired, I ran to her office, because the thing is, she could only turn over to me what I asked for the 200 emails about the art major but she had access to and probably read so much more. I wanted to find out what she knew, but she was already gone,” de Goya said.

Currently de Goya has 12 other records requests in relating to emails about other proposed eliminated majors.

Tobias Fünk

Blue Man Group Member

never-nude@uwsp.edu

#dontberudejustbenude

*This article was featured in the Pointless April Fools 2018 issue of The Pointer and is completely satirical with the creative license at the discretion of the author. We hope you enjoyed this comical read.*