CERN spokesman Otto Heinkelman confirmed that a neutrino had travelled from Switzerland to Italy at faster than the speed of light, apparently to escape the ennui.

‘It may have been coincidence, but last night the physicists here in Geneva were watching the 1949 film, “The Third Man”, where the character Harry Lime declares, “In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love – they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.”‘

‘Shortly after that, we fired up the particle accelerator and that neutrino took off like – well, a bat out of hell doesn’t seem to be a sufficient description. It’s probably living La Dolce Vita and nothing we have tried seems able to coax it back.’

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