What do you think of when your birthday is coming up? Presents? Balloons and the smell of latex? Cake and hot wax dripping from candles? Well, my birthday is this weekend, and what’s most on my mind right now? Birthday spankings!

As a switch, I enjoy being both the top (spanker) and the bottom (spankee). And to my delight, my favorite S/M play partner, Miss Olivia, is here with me this week to appropriately deliver my birthday spankings to my ready and willing flesh.

What makes a spanking appropriate, you ask? Wouldn’t any old slap suffice? Oh, no, my dear. There is definite technique involved.

1. Consensual

Let’s get this out of the way. No lady enjoys being slapped (or touched, or grabbed) by someone unexpectedly. Many girls don’t like spanking at all, so please ask first.

2. Warm it up

For any more than a light slap, you’re going to want to warm up the skin a little. I like to begin with a rapid series of light-to-medium spanks to get blood flowing through the body and pain being processed by the brain. Unless you’re dealing with a real masochist (and few of us are), you don’t want to surprise your bottom with too much right away.

3. Hit the right place

There is erotic spanking, and ouchy spanking. Both can be good in proper context, but know the difference. The inside of the cheek, toward the groin and thigh, is more sexually stimulating. Unless you’re specifically going for pain, this is where you’ll want to give your harder hits. Spanks delivered to the proper place go right into the yummy bits.

4. Impact and style

If you’re unsure how hard to hit, start light and leave your hand there when it lands. This helps connect you to your partner and you both feel the sensation together. You can slowly work a little harder until you get a response. Once you feel connected, you can hit and release right away. This gives a different sensation. We’re going for just enough pain to get the endorphins flowing, and just enough tension to keep it exciting.

5. Encourage your bottom to breathe and relax

In any kind of S/M, the bottom should be breathing fully. This will relax them and allow sensation to move through the whole body. Shallow, quick breathing tenses up the body, which makes the spanks more painful and can cause undesired tension. A great way to connect with and relax your bottom is to lay both your hands on them when you’re not spanking. This lets them know there isn’t another one coming yet, and allows them to process what they’re already feeling.

As always in any kind of sexual adventure, remain connected to your partner. Watch, listen to, and feel their reactions. Experiment with different speeds and types of spanks. If you’re unsure what is and isn’t working, ask.

Bare-hand spanking is one of the most connecting S/M activities because you can both feel what’s happening. Of course, if your hand starts hurting and your partner is still asking for more, then you’ll need to bring out other implements like a paddle, a flat hairbrush, or a wooden spoon. But that’s a whole other blog. Until then…

Happy Spanking!