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You can smell it in the air when Florentino Perez is up for re-election as Real Madrid president.

It’s the kind of pungent odour that makes you want to do what the Bernabeu faithful do when things are going badly on the pitch: Hold the nose and reach for a scented hankie.

As ever he puts the world’s best players on notice that soon they could be handed the keys to his Willy Wonka-style fantasy factory and lets the tapping-up commence. Here’s what he’s currently telling those playing in England who are on his wish-list:

“Gareth Bale was born to play for Madrid....Luis Suarez is a great player. I like him.”

Cue front page reports in

quotes from agents about their

and the snapping sound of heads

The saga usually drags on with Perez re-entering late on, like the UN Secretary General, claiming he’s on a noble mission to free slaves from heartless dictators standing in the way of a man and his dream. When really he’s screwing the price as low as he possibly can.

So get ready for a summer of fun folks. Bale or Suarez may well go there depending how deep Spurs and Liverpool want to dig their heels in and how deep the untouchable Madrid institution is allowed to go further into debt.

But the question has to be asked: Why set your sights so low, lads? Why fall for the illusion that Real are still the prettiest girl at the ball, when they’re not even close to her?

Due to

and be back in a competitive league, Perez hasn’t got a manager. So you don’t even know if the coach you’ll be playing for wants you. Ask Michael Owen how that panned out.

As for Real’s self-proclaimed status as the biggest club in the world, they haven’t appeared in a Champions League final since 2002. And they’ve only managed to finish first in the Spanish two-horse race once in the past five years. Ask Xabi Alonso how his move of a lifetime went, having only a Spanish league and cup-winners medal to show for the four peak years of his career.

Much of Real’s decade of failure is down to Perez’s bankrupt Galactico philosophy. Unlike Barcelona, Real didn’t fashion a new and liberating style based on home-grown talent, they simply ran up the biggest overdraft in football and bribed the best players to join a commercial circus.

Perez got lucky first time around with Zidane, Figo, and Ronaldo. When he tried to replace them with Beckham, Robinho and Owen, he failed. When he was last up for election the £200 million he spent on Cristiano Ronaldo, Kaka, Alonso and Karim Benzema showed a miserly return.

And now, as he attempts to bribe the best available players to curry favour with the fans, there’s a good chance he’ll fail again.

The truth that Bale and Suarez need to accept is that next season there will be at least two German, one Spanish, three English and possibly an Italian side ahead of an ageing and managerless Real.

So if you go there, admit you’re going for the money, the commercial exposure and the historic kudos, but don’t claim you’re going there because you couldn’t turn down the best team in the world.

Unless you want us to bid you farewell clutching scented hankies to our noses.