Tiger’s back. Phil’s back. Sergio’s back. Rory’s back. And just like I’m sure you’re pissed that Bubba’s back, I’m back, too. I won’t be uploading videos of me dancing only in my Hanes (or MeUndies or Mack Weldon or Tommy John or whatever internet underwear company that definitely won’t ever pay for ad space on this blog), but I will be posting previews and reviews of the upcoming tour events. I’m going to change the format from last year a little bit, but I’ll still probably only do this like 3 or 4 times before I give it up again. So enjoy it while it lasts.

This week marks the end of the golf preseason and gimmick tour events. No more Hawaiian golf. No more Pro-Am’s. No more events overrun by drunken meatheads.

And with that the #WMPO became the gayest event on tour. RIP WMPO https://t.co/BogJLQr7g3 — Cart Path Only (@nocartsplease) February 3, 2018

We’re back to quiet, napping through the first two hours of coverage, white-collar, classic golf. The kind of golf that your dad (and JT) appreciates. The Honda Classic at PGA National reeled in all the stars, European and Domestics, and spread them out nicely into some fun pairings. The first tee time of the tournament starts off with one of my least favorite golfers (John Peterson) alongside my new favorite golfer (Tom Hoge). Having no personal knowledge of either of these two golfers I’m basing my judgement solely on their appearances and social media presence and following. Peterson goes out of his way to make sure you know who he is and what he stands for: the camo hat, the Trump tweets, the constant mentions of hunting. Meanwhile Hoge, who does not hide from his upbringing and roots, never needs to embellish his true identity. He’s North Dakotan through and through. And he loves TCU. But more importantly to me, his twitter following will automatically throw you a couple likes every time you mention him. Their #BeersForBirdies campaign is simple and effective. They drink beers in hopes for birdies. Or after their boy Hoge gets a birdie. Or they just drink beers.

The big names are spread out a little more evenly than usual. JT and Sergio got stuck with db_straitvibin, Tiger’s playing with Brandt and my girlfriend’s biggest regret Patton Kizzire. Rickie, Kisner, and Patrick Reed tee off at 12:25 and are followed shortly by Rory, Adam Scott, and Padraig, all who sound just alike but are actually from three different countries.

Also in the field are all four Baylor boys, Luke List, Harris English, Stephan Jaeger, and sneaking in the side door like he always do, Keith Mitchell. Four guys from my high school that I eventually want to ride their coattails into golf blog infamy.

PGA National is home to one of the all-time overused name for a stretch of holes: The Bear Trap. CBS will show aerial views and past shots from these three holes more often than they will show live golf shots. While the coverage of tHe BeAr tRaP will be insufferable, there is no greater sound in golf than a ball pounding the rock ledge and immediately splashing into the water at 15.

For my picks each week, I’m going to put who the PGATOUR.com golf writers like this week versus who I think will win. And for my one-and-done group, I’ll tell you who I’m picking this week. This week the golf writers like Rickie, Sergio, Rory, and JT as the big names. They like Tommy Fleetwood, Daniel Berger, Gary Woodland, and Tyrell Hatton as their mid-tier guys. And the outsider they’re throwing out there is the Asian John Daly, Kiradech “Barn Rat” Aphibarnrat. Every week I hope it’s a shootout from a couple top guys like Rory and Rickie but it never happens. We get Chez Reavie and Gary Woodland. That’s why this week I like Scott Stallings and Alexander Noren. As for my one-and-done pick, I’m not ready to start picking big names. I blew my big loads way too early last year and ended up dry-humping the final stretch with Grayson Murray and Danny Lee. Not this year. I’m going to save up until it’s too late. That’s why I’m going with Ryan Palmer.