MERCER, PA—Retreating to his room after yet another screaming argument, Nine Inch Nails frontman Trent Reznor reportedly spoiled his family’s Christmas gathering for the 31st year in a row Wednesday by continually interrupting relatives to tell them their religion was total bullshit.. “It’s the same thing every year: We’ll be saying grace, Trent will refuse to bow his head, and then the rest of the meal is him going on and on about how Christianity was developed as a system of mind control and we’re all brainwashed,” said Reznor’s uncle, Clyde Reznor, who joked that it was almost a family tradition watching the 54-year-old Oscar-winning songwriter and composer slouch in the pews at Christmas Eve mass and cough the word “liar” into his fist during the priest’s homily. “I can’t even say ‘bless you’ when someone sneezes without that kid rolling his eyes at me. At first we all thought it was just a phase, but nope, Trent still colors his fingernails with permanent marker and calls his cousins ‘sheep’ when they want to watch It’s A Wonderful Life. I’ll tell you, though, he sure was happy to open up his presents this morning. Funny how that works, huh?” At press time, the platinum-selling artist was reportedly out in the driveway sitting behind the wheel of his ’91 Ford Taurus and blasting “Head Like A Hole” at full volume.

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