Mandy and Randy Klein knew they were right for each other from the moment they met.

They both love animals and prefer to stay home and watch movies rather than romance each other over cocktails.

Randy proposed the next day, and they were married within a year. Mandy wore jeans to her wedding because she doesn’t like to wear anything else.

“We understood each other,” they both say, 17 years later. Except now they know something they didn’t know when they met: They both have Asperger syndrome. Their daughter Micah, 11, is autistic.

The Kleins are among a growing number of adults being diagnosed with Asperger syndrome (AS) or other autism spectrum disorders (ASD), often after their children are diagnosed.

“We are recognizing that the spectrum is wider than once thought,” says Kevin Stoddart, director of The Redpath Centre, a Toronto agency that provides assessments and services for people with AS. “Now we are seeing high-functioning individuals with AS, more adults and often professionals, married, and with children.”

The first known epidemiological study of adults with ASD was reported in May in the peer-reviewed Archives of General Psychiatry, says Stoddart. It concluded that about 1 per cent of the adult population in Britain has ASD.

“We are not sure if the same results will hold true in Canada; we would need to complete a similar study here,” says Stoddart. “We now need to focus on the occurrence of adult ASD.”

Most of Stoddart’s clients are functioning adults who have been struggling with depression, anxiety and repetitive thoughts and behaviours their whole lives, not knowing that their problems are rooted in ASD. Some are self-medicating with drugs or alcohol. Some are suicidal. Others have been incorrectly diagnosed with personality disorders.

ASD is a complex developmental disability that typically affects social functioning and communication. AS is regarded as one of the less severe forms of ASD.

Adults with AS are often regarded as bright and quirky, but have trouble understanding social cues and body language. They may have obsessive interests and routines and may talk in a monologue. They may have poor hand-eye co-ordination. Some may be sensitive to light, specific sounds, textures and tastes.

Yet they become so adept at hiding their symptoms that they can go undiagnosed well into adulthood.

“You just go along with people,” says Mandy Klein, 40. “Half of people’s jokes I don’t get, but if you laugh, they’re happy.”

Autistic partners can appear insensitive and uncaring, socially awkward and without the normal social filters, says Sally Watkins, 69, author of Change Your Mindset Not Your Man. Watkins is married to an AS man and runs a support group for women with partners on the autism spectrum in Sacramento, Calif. ( www.sallywatkins.net)

Even though Watkins is a psychotherapist and the author of a relationship book, it took her 12 years to realize her husband had AS. They were in their fourth session of couples counselling when the counsellor turned to her and asked, “Have you ever heard of Asperger’s?”

Watkins decided to stay married. Her husband, an engineer and stock trader, is an excellent provider and they live well and travel widely. He takes care of every repair in their home. They celebrated their 14th anniversary in March.

Watkins finds emotional fulfilment in her relationships with her sisters and friends, and in her two children with her first husband. She no longer asks her husband for the emotional support she knows he can’t provide and no longer wants physical intimacy with him, which he doesn’t seem to miss.

The Kleins’ daughter Micah was diagnosed with ASD six years ago. Six months later, Mandy was diagnosed with AS. Six months ago, so was Randy.

It was Randy’s diagnosis that took everyone by surprise. He runs his own computer company, selling and installing computers to mostly corporate and professional clients. People with AS tend to be introverted and shy.

He probably would never have been assessed if Mandy’s social worker hadn’t asked her to bring her husband to an appointment.

“A lot of things make sense now. The immature things he says to me. We understand what’s wrong now, we just have to work on it,” says Mandy, 40, a stay-at-home mom.

Micah’s autism is more severe than AS. Her advantage is that she was diagnosed as a child, and with academic support, training and social skills development, is able to attend school and make friends.

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Mandy’s AS went undetected because she learned to stifle some of her more obvious behaviours, like flapping her arms. “I could pull off okay marks in school, but it was a struggle for me. I was always in tears. I guess my family thought it was normal.”

As an adult she worked as a merchandiser for a drugstore, doing computer pricing and ordering. “I liked putting things on the shelves. I just didn’t like being out there with the customers,” she says.

When they started making staff take turns at the cash, Mandy was overwhelmed by the social demands of the job and the complexity of multi-tasking. She quit working 11 years ago and has been a stay-at-home mom since.

Her parents have both passed away, but she suspects her father may also have suffered from undiagnosed AS.

Randy sees his AS as a benefit. He is able to apply laserlike focus to the things he is interested in, like computers, and as a result he makes a good living. His family lives in a detached brick home in a pretty suburb that looks just like all the other detached brick homes on the street.

“A lot of people see Asperger’s as a disability. I’m in computers and I would say there are a very large number of people like me,” says Randy.

Because he, Mandy and Micah all have Celiac disease, Randy invented a line of food mixes — for cakes, brownies and pancakes — for people who cannot tolerate gluten. The line is called Micah’s Favourite and is available at the Hospital for Sick Children.

Randy has also learned over the years to modify his behaviour. He’s learned to stop blurting things out; not to yell if situations become too intense.

He, too, wishes his condition had been diagnosed earlier. People with ASD are easy targets for bullies.

Toronto writer and fitness instructor Sarah Kurchak, 29, keeps a droll blog about her struggle with AS at awesometism.net.

She thought her longtime boyfriend would break up with her when he learned two years ago that she had AS. He didn’t. A year later, they were married.

“Our weird sense of emotional distance is kind of convenient for them,” Kurchak says of women with AS married to what they call “neurotypicals.”

“I think I’m sort of low-maintenance.”

Kurchak believes her Dad also has AS. Her mother used to complain because he could never figure out the right present for her. Kurchak and her father, meanwhile, would huddle and ask each other, “Why don’t they just tell us exactly what they want?”