The first time I had an egg cream was five years ago in one of the city’s many fake-retro diners. It was described to me as “chocolate milk for grown-ups,” making me think it contained Kahlua. It did not. And contrary to its name, it did not contain eggs, but rather, chocolate syrup, milk, and seltzer water. Despite this, that hit –though probably average at best—was a gateway drug for me. Since then, I can’t pass a rundown looking diner or luncheonette without wanting to try their egg cream. Like a thumbprint, no egg cream is alike. This prompted me to try to find the best ones in the city, and after strenuous research (and digesting gallons of seltzer water) I present to you my findings.

(For the sake of scientific control, I only ordered chocolate egg creams, but I highly encourage others to branch out and try other flavors. Except for pineapple. Never pineapple.)