Sushi Grove

We would like to begin by saying we are huge fans of yours. From the moment you were drafted by New Orleans to Team USA to your first playoff appearance, we’ve been there the whole time. Like white on rice. Like seaweed on sushi rice (sorry for the joke, we’re extremely nervous and we thank you for taking the time to read this).

Look, when we heard what happened to you at Katana in West Hollywood we were humiliated. You, the face of the New Orleans Pelicans franchise, refused service by a representative of us, sushi, the face of Japanese cuisine, just for wearing a hoodie, the face of casual wear. According to Page Six you even offered to rent out a private room because you were unaware of the dress code at Katana and just wanted some raw fish with friends. But no, the doorman refused service. We’ve gotten together behind closed doors and have agreed to drastically increase the amount of mercury in his next shift meal. It’s the least we can do, Mr. Davis.

You’re obviously a really good guy. You were probably going to send complimentary crawfish rolls to every table in the restaurant, a symbol of your dedication to not only New Orleans but to southern hospitality. Something that you’ve been submersed in since you arrived in Louisiana and something you were flat out denied in Los Angeles at Katana. A few summers ago when sushi got together to toss some ideas around for a marketing campaign disguised as a cell phone advertisement we all asked for you. And you were great! We know the mustache was a big ask but you pulled it off. Now Boost is the best mobile phone service, we think. We are sushi and don’t use cell phones so not totally sure.

California roll was too embarrassed to tell you in person (since it was his home turf) but the rest of us are here to apologize. Philadelphia roll, Rainbow roll, Crunchy roll, we all want to see you back at a sushi restaurant wearing whatever you want. In fact, we encourage you to don the hoodie. You know how sushi restaurants name rolls after weird stuff because sushi restaurants are so high status they don’t really give a shit? Are you familiar with the (ugh) “Sexy Man Roll” and the (gross) “Wet Dream Roll” and the (ugh/gross/groan) “Bye-Bye Katrina Roll”? We want to offer you the same token. We present the Anthony Davis Roll.

The Anthony Davis Roll will be shaped like a basketball. The leather looking part will be represented by bluefin tuna as the main ingredient (the best young fish we got, most sushi places would love for bluefin to be the face of the franchise). We’ll have the finest caviar as the “pimples” on the basketball. In lieu of traditional chopsticks, we’ll make our customers pick the rolls up with slightly crooked chopsticks in honor of your literally trademarked unibrow. Maybe we’re trying too hard, Anthony, we just don’t want to see you go. Baby please take us back we can change. Just pick up the phone. Baby please?

Love, Sushi

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