(Optional Musical Accompaniment To This Post)

Being our semi-regular weekly survey of what's going down in the several states where, as we know, the real work of governmentin' gets done, and where to live outside the law, you must be honest.

We begin our first tour of 2019 in Nebraska, the likes of which there is no place, where Governor Pete Ricketts is making a strong early run for this year's Petty Dickheadedness Medal. From the Lincoln Journal-Star:

...“This Blessed Earth” would be this year’s One Book One Nebraska selection from the Center for the Book. That last award put its author, Ted Genoways, in good Nebraska company. His story of a year in the life of a family farm would join Willa Cather’s “O Pioneers!” “The Home Place,” by Wright Morris. “Local Wonders,” by Ted Kooser. “Crazy Horse,” by Mari Sandoz. In the 15-year history of the selection, the winning novels and works of nonfiction, the prose and the poetry, all had one thing in common: an endorsement from the sitting governor when asked. It didn’t carry any real weight. A ceremony and a signed proclamation, urging Nebraskans to read and talk about the book. A chance to smile for the cameras.

Ah, but never underestimate the pettiness of the thin-skinned ego-lizard.

Pete Ricketts MIKE THEILER Getty Images

Last week, Genoways received an email letting him know that Gov. Pete Ricketts had declined to sign the pro forma proclamation. Monday morning, Ricketts let the reason be known. “The book that they are proposing was written by a political activist,” Nebraska’s governor said in response to reporters’ questions. “He’s somebody who is out-of-touch and it was not going to be something that united Nebraska.”

Genoways, as the story points out, was born and raised in Nebraska and went to college at Nebraska Wesleyan in Lincoln. Not that it mattered to Ricketts, who apparently never passes up an opportunity to demonstrate how much of his head is actually made of dick.

The governor went on to say that Genoways, a Lincoln East High School and Nebraska Wesleyan University graduate, had been “very critical” of national leaders and is “somebody who is trying to be more divisive,” and that he decides who he signs proclamations for. Which is true. In 2017, Ricketts refused to sign a proclamation to honor the Nebraska State Education Association’s 150th anniversary. More recently, he pulled Nebraska Navy Admiralships from both a UNL professor and a graduate student/instructor.

And here comes the kitty, screeching from the burlap.

Ted Genoways Tim Grant Getty Images

In “This Blessed Earth,” Genoways and his photojournalist spouse, Mary Anne Andrei, follow Rick Hammond as he and his family navigate the challenges of 21st century agriculture. The fourth-generation farmer opposes the Keystone XL pipeline, struggles with the impact of GMOs and, in the recently released paperback edition of the book, is critical of President Donald Trump’s trade war with China.

Ricketts, of course, has not read the book.

We move on up to North Dakota, where we have another example of a state legislature that is unsure about whether or not this whole democracy thing is worth going on with. From the Fargo Forum:

If Senate Concurrent Resolution 4001 passes, an initiated constitutional measure approved by voters would have to be approved — twice — by the two next legislative assemblies. Keep in mind that the North Dakota Legislature meets only every other year. That means it could take a glacial five years for legislators to act on a measure already passed by voters...

The timing of this misbegotten resolution comes glaringly after North Dakota voters approved Measure 1 in the November election. That was an initiated constitutional amendment that establishes government ethics requirements. Among other things, it prohibits lobbyists from offering or providing gifts to public officials, and prohibits public officials from accepting gifts from lobbyists. It also bars candidates from spending campaign contributions for personal benefit, and establishes an ethics commission to adopt rules promoting transparency and combating corruption. The anti-corruption measure was taken to the voters precisely because legislators repeatedly refused to act, and those behind the initiative enshrined it in the Constitution so legislators couldn’t meddle with it in ways that are possible with statutes.

In other words, the legislature refused to clean up its act so the voters, using the means available to them under the state constitution, decided to do it for them. Whereupon the state legislature determined that this kind of thing never should be allowed to happen again. The old Progressive instincts are still there in that part of the country, even in the newly formed petro-state of North Dakota. (It is part of the legacy of John Burke, the great Progressive governor of the early 20th Century who swept into office after a wave of reform broke the power of Alexander MacKenzie's political machine.) Nobody even has mistaken the Fargo Forum for The Masses. This is something very valuable belonging to the citizens that the legislature is trying to steal.

Kristi Noem Tom Williams Getty Images

Meanwhile, in South Dakota, new Governor Kristi Noem engaged in a house-wide search to find a new policy analyst and hired on Kennedy Noem, a senior at South Dakota State and her daughter. This has a few noses out of joint, according to the Sioux Falls Argus-Leader. South Dakota, it seems, has no anti-nepotism law.

"There are some benefits to nepotism," Wanless added, "largely from the familiarity of hiring someone that you know. It's a known entity, you probably trust them, you know how to communicate with that person."

That may be the most optimistic piece of political analysis I've ever heard, and I'm sure Jared Kushner would agree with me.

We truck on down to the newly insane state of North Carolina, where they're still trying to find all the rats that got fcked in that congressional election. The putative winner, a preacher named Mark Harris, is in deep trouble and has taken to beating feet down fire stairs to avoid the media. From WSOC (with video!):

Harris and a group of three or four other people used a fire exit to leave the Government Center as reporters attempted to ask questions. After Harris opened the door on the ground level, an alarm sounded.

An alarm has been sounding in that district since November 9, I think.

Mark Harris sounds the alarm. Sean Rayford Getty Images

And we conclude, as is our custom, in the great state of Oklahoma, where Blog Official Split-Rail Walker Friedman of the Plains, newly arrived from Parts Unknown, brings us the saga of love gone terribly wrong. From Fox11:

Oklahoma Game Warden Cannon Harrison says he uncovered the poaching in a conversation on Bumble with a McIntosh County woman. She talked about using a spotlight to shoot the deer at night, outside the rifle season. The woman only harvested the head and back-strap meat — and she sent Harrison pictures as proof. The woman has pleaded guilty to charges of improper possession of an illegally taken animal and taking game out-of-season. She and an accomplice face $2,400 fines.

First of all, who names their kid, "Cannon"? Of course, he's in law enforcement. Second, pro tip for all you lost and lonely souls: don't overshare on social media. Third, if you must overshare on social media, eat all the back-strap meat before you do so.

This is your democracy, America. Cherish it.

Respond to this post on the Esquire Politics Facebook page here.

Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io