Where. To. Begin.

I signed up for the Pets Exchange not really expecting much for my cat. I mean, its a cat. Most people who have cats don't really think about cat stuff, never mind the dog people. Maybe it's all of the pet aisles at supermarkets that are always 95% dog stuff and will only begrudgingly throw in a corner for cats. It's been beaten into me that other than the internet, the world just doesn't care too much about feline enrichment.

And then my original Pets Secret Santa stiffed me.

It was sadfaces. :(

Oh well, right? I bought my cat (Mr. Catters by the way) some cat grass and a couple butterscotch candies (he loves batting those around) as consolation and didn't think much further about it.

ENTER SUPER AMAZING REMATCH SANTA.

I knew I hit the motherlode when I logged in to see a bunch of of messages on my redditgifts account. She was super excited and so so so cheerful about kitty gifts and told me to expect something on the way soon.

YAY.

Earlier today I swung by my apartment's office to pick up the mystery gift and was greeted by the office manager who looked SO RELIEVED to see me. She had a phone in her hand and was in the process of calling me. Good sign right? The package was sitting on the counter, as far away from the lady as could get. It.. uh.. it was scary. It was battered, half ripped open, with a big stain creeeeping towards the edge of the cardboard. It looked like some sewer beast was caged inside and fighting desperately for escape.

Also, there were adorable little reddit aliens taped all over the box. :D

I sniffed the stain and couldn't smell anything, so I took it home and greedily ripped it open. As ominous as the box looked, no way could Super Happy Secret Santa let me down.

AND SHE DIDN'T. YOU GUYS DON'T EVEN KNOW.

SO MANY THINGS GUYS.

SO MANY.

It was incredible. A super cute wand toy with THREE attachments. A kitty stocking filled with a dozen little rolly bally rattly toys. A fuzzy little kitty TENT/CAVE cat pyramid so he can sphynx if he wants to! And, most hilarious of all, a weeble wobbly Weezel Ball, that is a little ferrety furry fluffy thing attached to a motorized ball that bounces around on it's own. Pets Rematch Santa has got to be a war hardened veteran of gifts because she even included a battery for it!

AND THAT'S NOT ALL.

She even included things for ME. Me, who is not a cat, or a dog, or a pet of any kind! She included an adorable coffee mug that says 'I love my kitty and my kitty loves me!' AND a kitty calender for 2015! Talk to r/firstworldanarchists because its 2014 and I've already put it on my fridge.

Best of all, everything came with a hand-written note (this santa has amazing handwriting) and a picture of another kitty who's name appears to be "Sushi, the Asshole Cat, Destroyer of Catnip" (apparently there was supposed to be a bag of catnip, but Sushi got it first, ha!) I guess we know who runs that house. :D

Also, awesome name for a cat. I've always wanted to name a cat Wasabi.

Whew. I've just barely listed everythin---- FK NOPE. I FORGOT. There was also THREE KINDS OF CAT TREATS. Not one, or two, or even none. THREE. Tuna flavor, Dairy/Milk flavor, and Chicken flavor! I put a little of Tuna and a little of Milk in his treatball for now, so he can finally experience the glory of Tuna Noodle Casserole.

THANK YOU SO MUCH REMATCHER SANTA. This has been awesome. I didn't even know half of that stuff even existed. It's been such an exciting day! I would write more, but I have to go now, because the cat is racing around the house so excited and I need to go wiggle the cat wand before his patience ebbs and I get suprise attacked. THANKS AGAIN. IT'S SO AMAZING ALL OF IT.