Capt. Jonathan: Stardate: I dunno, based on the theme song, 1998? Yep, we watched the pilot of the only TREK series to share a song with the PATCH ADAMS soundtrack. While it does get worse than “Broken Bow”

There are plenty of groan-inducing moments here, too.

Capt. Tracy: The sexual tension they’re trying to establish between “Trip” and Vulcan Halle Berry, for instance. The semi-erotic application of anti-alien-bug gel was absolutely ridiculous.

Capt. Jonathan: I know! What were they even talking about in there? Negotiating the next step of their mission? Why was that a conversation that *had* to take place in the decontamination shower!?

Capt. Tracy: “Trip.” He’s a bit too bro for me, and it’s annoying how he refers to Captain Scott Bakula as “Cap’n.” As in Crunch.

Capt. Jonathan: But hating on ENT is kind of like trying to find flaws in a film that stars Vanilla Ice.

But there is some good stuff going on here. There’s a dog.

Capt. Tracy: THERE’S A DOG!!!!!

Capt. Jonathan: And Dr. Phlox.

Capt. Tracy: Dr. Bumps.

Capt. Jonathan: Whatever. John Billingsley.

Capt. Tracy: He’s funny, knowledgeable, and has a good sense of perspective about space travel. He revels in the cross-species interactions and how they can make medicine better. He seems to represent everything Star Fleet should be.

Capt. Jonathan: In other words, the optimistic doctor is a departure from, well, what TREK has led us to expect…

Capt. Tracy: And Captain Scott Bakula. He’s got a bit of that astronaut “Right Stuff” cockiness about him, which feels exactly right.

Capt. Jonathan: Yeah, but some of his lines feel a little, well, Tim Allen-y.

And the plot with returning the Klingon Klaang to Kronos was cool; I just wish they’d focused more on races we were familiar with rather than introduce the Suliban, for whom I really never developed much interest. J.J. Abrams got this right in his first STAR TREK reboot: he used a Romulan, but he used a rather unique Romulan, so audiences still found nuance in the villain, but clicked with his affiliation. The source material offers so much, that inserting new stuff can easily complicate the narrative that’s already been built.

Capt. Tracy: So . . . “not quite as strong as ‘Encounter at Farpoint'” is a statement I feel totally comfortable making about “Broken Bow.” “EaF” managed to do everything a pilot needs to do–establish character, conflict, and relationships–and still tell a complicated and compelling story. “BB” did maybe 2/3 of that. And have a theme song that sounds like mediocre Christian rock (an oxymoron?). But onwards!

And now, a little Q&A:

Capt. Jonathan: Q: Can you recall the most romantic moment you’ve had with your partner?

A: Definitely mutual decontamination.

Capt. Tracy: Q: What phrase from this episode is a good euphemism for intimate relations that you can incorporate into pillow talk with your significant other?

A: “Eel therapy.”