There was panic in Munich today with news that the BMW range has become self-generating.

‘You don’t think we wanted to make something called the 3-series GT?’ admitted range planner Ray Nge-Plannar. ‘The range just came up with it. It’s replicating at a vast and completely inexplicable rate.’

‘I mean, have you seen the 4-series Gran Coupe?’ Nge-Plannar continued. ‘We didn’t ask for that. No one did. It’s stupid. The range is just generating this shit out of itself. We’re cold and frightened. Send help.’

BMW sources say staff are now scared to enter the company’s vast R&D centre for fear of what they might encounter. ‘Last time I went in there I swear I saw a two door 7-series hatchback,’ revealed one anonymous engineer. ‘And someone else reckons the range’s next re-generation is a convertible estate version of the Z4. What awful, awful horrors will it think of next? An M version of the X5? Oh, wait…’