First off, congrats to the Atlanta Falcons! Pretty much everyone ignored you this season and you’ve proven us all wrong. May you now succeed in the highest of games. For Atlanta, for a long suffering fanbase, and for the 80% of remaining football fans in the nation (That 20% is Pats fans and other NFC South fans). I’m on that bandwagon now, baby. Do us proud and redeem 2016 football by giving us an end result that people can look back on fondly instead of “just another” Patriots win. This Falcons team is incredibly fun to watch. Julio is a beast, Ryan is (or at least should be) MVP. Dan Quinn seems like a rad dude, Kyle Shanahan seems like a smart guy, I love the Freeman and Coleman tandem, and I love Vic Beastly (intentional misspelling back off you grammar vultures. I also know I spelled Canoe wrong). Hashtag RiseUp!

I don’t like your hashtag. Don’t take it personally. I hate the Patriots hashtag #OneMore too. I hated the Panthers #KeepPounding, I hated the Indians #RallyTogether and the Cavs #Allin and whatever team uses #WeTheNorth (It’s the Raptors, right?). I hate pretty much every team hashtag. I hate hashtags in general. I think the only team hashtag I was ever fond of was #We’reOntoCincinnati or ____ that the Pats used in 2014 because that was more of a meme that came about organically instead of feeling like a marketing slogan. I hate hashtags. Probably because I’m a bitter husk of a person who has always despised being “sold” and “hype” culture annoys the shit out of me (Really? We have 2 second Trailers for TRAILERS now? Go fuck yourself, Hollywood). If you like it I don’t hold it against you, buy all that Rise up gear you want. I’ve just always seen it as very fake and that’s a personal taste. I want to keep re-iterating that it’s a personal opinion because I don’t want any Falcons fan thinking I’m not 100% behind the Falcons right now. Totes am. Go Dirty Birds.

I think the main reason why I hate the #TeamHashtag trend is because the hashtags are usually just generic phrases. Rise up? Okay, I guess that could sort of relate to Falcons in that they occasionally fly upwards. Loosely. I guess it also refers to the fans, and that they should rise up in support? There might be a phoenix reference in there because Atlanta burned once? #RiseUp sounds like the result of a bunch of media marketing team members trying to figure out what generic inspirational sports phrase goes well on a T-Shirt. There’s nothing truly Falcons about it. If you removed #RiseUp and replaced it with #KeepFighting or #ComeTogether or #NeverStop or, well, #AllIn or #RallyTogether, it really wouldn’t mean anything new, would it? Also, why can’t the Cardinals Rise Up? They are birds too. So are the Hawks and the Ravens. The Saints could use it too, Saints have wings and whatnot and rise to heaven. What about the Jets? Jets rise. Roger Goodell could use Rise Up for himself, because he’s a bunch of hot air.

Some team phrases I do like:

BEAR DOWN – The team is literally named the Bears

FlyEaglesFly – The team is named The Eagles, and Eagles fly

Hail To The Redskins -I mean if you want to questionably appropriate native culture for a sports team, might as well go whole hog with it

PhinsUp – DOLPHINS HAVE FINS IT’S RIGHT THERE IN THE NAME

GoPackGo – actually no I hate this one and everyone who says it

#FireGus – Jags fans could really rally on that one

Are you sensing a theme? Include your team in the phrase in some way, and suddenly it feels personal instead of some generic phrase that someone else could borrow. I think Rise Up makes a better Viagra slogan than anything else.

But again, this comes from a place of personal taste and if you love that stuff, by all means rock that shirt and be proud of your team. If you are the type who goes to Disneyworld as an adult and are still “swayed by the magic” then you probably enjoy life more than I do. I still think the #AllAboardTheSanuCanu is a better slogan.

Still, go Falcons. Dear god Go Falcons. As a final offering, here is a cool picture I made to celebrate the NFCCG victory.

I didn’t make one for the Pats victory because at this point it feels redundant to congratulate a team that has gone to 6 straight AFC Championships and won 3 of them.