In a family of doctors, I am the only English major.

Trying to be practical, I studied computer science for a year. For two semesters, I dragged myself through programming classes with the hope that I would eventually come to enjoy them. I was completely lost in my introductory programming class: nothing made sense to me and I spent hours staring at my laptop screen (sometimes in tears) trying to figure out why my program wouldn’t run.

I’d known that I wanted to be an author since I was 10 years old. I was set on being an English major, then getting an MFA in creative writing and making a living writing novels. But when I started college two years ago, I began having doubts about majoring in English. I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to get a job with a liberal arts degree.

Many Asian parents want their children to be doctors, lawyers or engineers, and most of my Pakistani friends, especially male friends, were expected to pick one of these three options. Women are allowed more freedom when it comes to what they study because Pakistani society does not expect them to be financial providers. Although my parents never forced me to pick a particular course, I still felt inadequate. I felt like my English major was insignificant and that I was disappointing my family.

My parents would often comment that I should be studying something more practical, like my younger sister pursuing a double major in molecular environmental biology and genetics and plant biology. Over the years, they suggested that I study chemistry or economics or even political science — anything but English — and joked about how I would end up working at McDonald’s. Even my teachers and relatives warned me of the tough job market and the uselessness of liberal arts degrees.

These comments made me consider changing my major to computer science. I looked up a list of “top 10 highest paying majors,” decided against petroleum engineering and then picked computer science. I’d taken computer science theory classes in high school, but had never programmed before. I thought it was perfect, considering that UC Berkeley has an amazing (but also brutal) CS department and happens to be close to Silicon Valley.

But coding made me feel extremely incompetent. Halfway through each lecture, I’d feel like quitting, but would tell myself that I had to make it through just one more class and I’d be able to stop later on. I thought that quitting would mean that I wasn’t smart enough to do computer science, and I wanted to prove, not just to my parents but also to myself, that I could succeed in this field. Not only would I come to the next lecture, but I’d also sign up for more courses.

When I talked to some of my classmates, I realized that most of them weren’t studying computer science just so that they could get a job, but that they actually enjoyed what they were doing. While I was trying my hand at writing novels as a teenager, many of these programmers had spent their free time tinkering away with computers and coding.

But I hated how programming took up most of my schedule and didn’t leave me with enough time to read books or write. It was worse when I realized what a job in the tech sector would entail: an environment that is competitive and fast-paced, in which I would get nowhere if I wasn’t willing to dedicate most of my time to programming.

I knew that I would be a mediocre programmer at best and would hate my job and my life if I continued to study computer science.

So I decided to switch back to English. I love my classes and am truly passionate about what I’m studying. I’m also determined to put in as much effort as it takes for me to be a good writer. My family now understands my desire to study English and they support me in my decision.

But I also acknowledge that it’s a privilege to get a liberal arts degree. I know that my family has the resources to support me if I need help later on, and that influenced my decision to drop computer science. But for students, especially first-generation students, looking to pull themselves and their families out of poverty, it’s not always possible to major in Celtic studies or philosophy, especially if it requires going into debt.

Often, the conversation around picking majors is based on one of two beliefs: follow your passion or pick a practical major. It can be hard to convert your passions into a high-paying job, especially if you prefer writing poetry to writing programs. You don’t have to sacrifice your dreams — it just might take a lot more careful planning. I’m determined to get as much writing experience as possible (I’ve been writing for publications since I was 13 years old), and want to continue working toward this goal.

I’m still glad that I took those programming classes before I decided on English. Now I know for sure that what I’m doing is right for me.

Shanzeh Khurram writes the Tuesday blog on transitions between different worlds and spaces. Contact her at [email protected].