Here is my thought process. When a relationship ends, is it really over? There is always that one past lover that you can’t help but miss. Sure, an ex is an ex for a reason right? But what is that reason? I believe many things add up as to why we do the things we do.

1. ITS COMFORTABLE! -lets be real, when you’re in a committed and loving relationship with someone you spend as much time with them as you possibly could. You’re used to that person, so after the breakup the comfort you once had will still be there. It’s not like you’re virtual strangers again. You shared a lifetime together. Or a part of it anyway. You can laugh and flirt and joke and even fuck “like old times” because its better than having to find someone new and start that process ALLLL over again.

2. THE SEX WAS AMAZING -most people would rather have great sex with their ex because they know it was good vs. again trying to find someone new. Our hormones sometimes overpower our actual thought process and we give in to that carnal human instinct to procreate. I’m not saying its a bad thing, but its also not a good thing. Can you get over them if you’re still constantly under them?



3. WE STILL LOVE THEM -or so we think. Those feelings we once had didn’t just go away. We are very arrogant and egotistical people. We are too full of ourselves and too prideful to admit that we still have these feelings and by constantly going back we are somewhat admitting that we still want them as parts of our lives. We aren’t ready to let go of that love. And its okay to still love that person, but you need to set strict boundaries if you want to move on and get over it.



4. CHANGE -we believe for some odd fucking reason that the person we once loved(or still love) will change. We think back to the honeymoon stage where they were at their best behavior. But the weird thing is, people always change and at the same time, they don’t change at all. I think, they show you the person you want them to be, and eventually they get comfortable enough and show their true colors. The sad truth is, WE CANNOT CHANGE PEOPLE! No matter how hard we try, the only person who can help them change is themselves. They have to want to change on their own, for their own good, rather than because they want to please someone else. Most people do not want to change themselves because they aren’t comfortable with new things. You cannot make someone love you anymore than you can force yourself to be with someone you don’t feel anything for. We also can’t fix emotionally broken or damaged people. We are all broken and damaged in our own way, and we have to fix ourselves first. Don’t wait for them to surprise you late at night and profess their undying love for you. This is real life, not the movies. In the off chance that they actually do something like that, is it really a good idea? We will end up right back where we started, in a state of confusion, and the beginning stages of overthinking. It will just end up hurting you more. No matter how much you want it to happen, its just a fantasy.