ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Friend of the Prime Minister, Warren Mundine, is the Liberal’s candidate for the Federal Division of Gilmore at this year’s election, and many in the party are calling it ‘the bedshit to end all bedshits .’

Despite Mundine not having Liberal Party membership until this week, Scott Morrison reportedly handpicked him to make sure the Coalition didn’t lose the seat to an independent.

Speaking exclusively to The Advocate this morning via telephone, ScotMori said the party isn’t looking for a repeat of Wentworth, where the local member was treated so poorly by the party that they ended up losing the blue-ribbon seat in a by-election.

“We are confident that my friend, Warren, who’s tried to enter politics through four different parties, will win Gilmore and be an outstanding member of parliament,” said Scott.

“Bill Shorten called this morning actually and asked me why I did it? He asked me if there was anything he should know? Like if there are higher powers trying to install him as Prime Minister?”

“I just laughed and said no. We’re going to crush that pencil head hi-vis private school boy at this election and then whoever comes after him. Not even Tanya could beat me now!”

However, a recent phone survey conducted by The Advocate’s receptionist on his lunch break has found that Warren Mundine’s cousin’s kid, Anthony Mundine, stands a better chance at winning the Gilmore race.

After getting his hands on a NSW South Coast White Pages, copyboy Nick Dempsey set out to ring a person from each page until he got bored and drifted off task.

Of the 16 people he called, all of them said they’d vote for Anthony over Warren.

Speaking to young Nick, whose GP father writes dodgy clonazepam prescriptions for The Advocate’s editor Clancy Overell, NSW South Coast resident Glenn Bernc said he’d rather the nation’s most polarising sports figure represent him than some ‘parachute company man.’

“Say what you want about Anthony Mundine, he’s still the greatest boxer this country has ever produced,” said Glenn.

“I’d like to think he’d get things done for our electorate. Say for example, we needed some new mobile towers? Anthony would go see the Telecommunications Minister and tell him he’s got 30 days to put the towers in, or else he’ll come back and punch his public servant fuck head brains out through his ears like a stamped-on tube of toothpaste!”

“Warren will just do what Scott tells him and that is not good.”

More to come.