A/N- Surprise! Since I'm almost done with Warriors #7, I decided to write a little oneshot to keep all you rabid fans off my back. Not really, I wrote it because it was funny. And don't worry, Memories will still be updated for a while to come. That said, enjoy the hilarity.

Which One?

Fireheart opened his emerald eyes, blinked, and yowled in surprise. A pretty face with ice-blue eyes was watching him from not two inches away. It smiled and opened it's mouth to speak.

"Finally you're awake! I thought you'd never wake up! Now you and me can go out and...hunt...all alone..." Cinderpelt added mischevously.

Before he could even think of answering her, a sharp meow sounded from behid him.

"No, he can't, because he's taking me out to hunt, right, Fireheart?" It was Sandstorm.

Fireheart froze in horror. It was an impossible situation. He was stuck in the middle of two fighting she-cats, both of whom, it seemed, had a certain "itch" that needed to be scratched. Not to mention that he was singled out to be the scratcher.

"Uh, w-why don't we all go, you know, together?..." he suggested, praying to StarClan that they would accept.

"No way am I going with that fleabag!" Sandstorm spat.

"I'd rather be the fleabag that Fireheart's taking hunting than you all alone!" Cinderpelt fired back.

"So sorry to interrupt," meowed a silky sweet voice. Spottedleaf wove herself around Fireheart, purring heavily. "But he and I are staying right here and...getting down to business. You two might want to leave." She licked the fortunate, or else not so fortunate, tom's face as she spoke and he knew this was the end. He sniffed the air and his eyes widened in sheer horror. All three she-cats were in heat, at the same time, with the same target. Which was him.

Just then, an idea popped into his head that just might make him get what he really wanted.

"I'm not interested in any of you," he meowed. Spottedleaf stopped weaving her tail with his and the other two looked confused.

"None of us?" Sandstorm asked, shocked.

"Then who are you interested in?" questioned Cinderpelt.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," he replied.

"Try me," Spottedleaf demanded.

A/N- Anyone have a guess as to what he might say? If you do, congratulations, you know how to get out of a similar situation. But if you don't, read on and learn how. And he's NOT REALLY what he says he is. He does it FOR A VERY GOOD REASON!

WARNING! IMPLIED SLASH THAT'S NOT A REAL SLASH!

Okay, you asked for it," he began. "The cat I've been seeing for moons is...well, it's...Graystripe."

The three she-cats' jaws made an audible 'thunk' on the den floor. Cinderpelt was the first to recover.

"Y-you're that kind of cat! But I don't understand-"

"That's so gross! Eew, Fireheart, that's so, so...Aaaugh! You make me sick!" Sandstorm yowled.

Spottedleaf just looked at him suspiciously. He knew what she was thinking, It's not even possible for...that...because animals can't be...like that. But since I'm the medicine cat, I'm the only one who knows it. The others don't have a clue that he's lying.

Sandstorm and Cinderpelt shook themselves, shuddering at the thought that they had even spoken to him and muttering,

"Hey, let's get out of here, Brackenfur looks so much better anyway," meowed Sandstorm.

A/N- There's where I made the mistake I mentioned in the big A/N. Fixed it; here is the fixed version.

"Gross, he's my brother!"

"Oh yeah, well he's mine, go find someone else."

"Gladly, you fleabag!"

"Mousebrain!"

"Hmm, Runningwind is eating alone. Not for long."

The insults died away as they left, and Fireheart and Spottedleaf were the only two left in the den.

A/N- More action past this point. Verbal only. If you care, please turn back now.

"You had that all planned out, didn't you?" she asked.

"It was more a spur of the moment thing," he replied.

"But you're not like that."

"No way, that's sick, but there wasn't any other way I could get them to leave."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Does it really matter to you that I'm the medicine cat?"

"No, not in the least," he replied. "Who would know?"

"We will," she meowed. "But that's the way I like it. And apparrently you do too, seeing as you liked what I was doing earlier.What do you want more of, the purring or the rubbing?"

"Both work fine," he replied, grinning.

"Well well, aren't we the anxious one? Let's skip the formalities. I've got something else in mind..."

The End?

A/N- Yes, I know that Spottedleaf died in the first book and is the medicine cat and can't have kits. Yes, I know that Cinderpelt got hurt. Yes, I know that Sandstorm and Firestar have kits eventually. Yes, I know that I called Firestar 'Fireheart'. However, that is in the series, not my oneshot. This was just a (funny, I hope) fic for amusement purposes only. Read and review, as always.