As Katie was gone for the weekend, I was free to eat whatever I wanted.

Yeah. I get it.

“MAN UP, All the Yums.”

“YOU’RE LITERALLY TWO FEET TALLER THAN HER.”

You know nothing, random internet person. Short girls are fucking scary, ok? I don’t mess with that shit. So I wait until she’s out of town to stuff my beautiful face with carbs and shame.

Where did I go to do this?

Meshuggah Bagels.

And it was awesome.

What’s Meshuggah Bagels? It’s the new place on 39th street that all your East coast friends on Facebook won’t shut up about.

It’s a New York-style bagel place. And it’s good. Oh so good.

Let’s set the stage.

I pull up into their lot (yes, they have their own parking lot. Which is awesome for 39th street) and I’m met with something that told me exactly the kind of customer they attract.

There are 4 Prius sedans in the lot. I’m not exaggerating. 4. Also what’s the plural form of Prius? Prii? Anyways, the line went out the door. Normally, I wouldn’t wait. I don’t wait in lines well. Waiting in line is for socialists and peasants. But as I was turning around to find one of those dirty UMKC students that shuffle around 39th street to wait in line for me, I thought, NO. My precious internet strangers that read these reviews deserve better.

So I did it.

I waited in line between a man in a musketeer-styled hat and a full-grown woman that was wearing a t-shirt with a kitten playing with yarn.

I’m not making any of this up.

It was hell, but I persevered. Mainly, because this is what was waiting for me.

The people that work here were super nice. I liked them.

I ordered two bagels. The first was an onion bagel with a garlic & herb schmear. It made me happy.

My second was a garlic bagel with salmon schmear. Which was pretty much just cream cheese with large chunks of salmon in it. It was very nice.

I chose to sit and eat inside. It looked like my grandma’s house if she had been really into Mumford & Sons or Iron & Wine.

It was very enjoyable. Except for all the liberals sitting down and taking up open seating because they have to have space for their poetry and MacBooks. For real though, this one lady was taking up 3 seats. Her food was spread out to the space next to her and her laptop was taking up another.

I hated her.

I was about to go review the bathroom when I saw out of the window a 5th Prius come and LITERALLY box my car in. Again, I’m not joking. I went outside, asked the very large woman to move, then immediately got into my car, drove home and read Atlas Shrugged while dreaming of a beautiful unregulated capitalistic society.

How would I rate it?

TASTE: 9/10

ENVIROMENT: 8 Banjos/10

VALUE: 8/10

PRIUS APPEAL: Infinity/10

Go there.

1208, W 39th St, Kansas City, MO 64111