LONDON – Every year, millions of nurses go unappreciated all around the world, but one thankful patient is going the distance to celebrate International Nurses Day.

John Morrison, a patient at St. Vincent Memorial Hospital, has a plan to surprise his nurse with an extra-full bedpan today. “I see the light in her eyes when she enters my room to dump it out, so I made sure to give it my all,” Morrison said. “The doctor explicitly told me not to eat any dairy while I recovered, but I couldn’t let Nurse Sandy down.”

But behind Morrison’s remarkable generosity is a humble attitude, going out of his way to remind reporters that today wasn’t about him. “Because today is all about Nurse Sandy, I don’t want to go into too much detail about what I’m in the hospital for. But let’s just say it makes my poop extra stinky,” said Morrison with a wink.

Though it’s not just the smell that makes this such a special gift for the nurse, Morrison also admits that he worked on the appearance, too. “You ever watch soft-serve ice cream come out of the machine?” he said, referring to the tightly coiled and often runny frozen dessert. “That’s exactly what this looks like.”

Morrison was happy to offer his present right before Nurse Sandy’s shift ended, saying “I’ll make her think I forgot the whole day, and then I’ll surprise her right at the last minute.”

At press time, Morrison heard faint sobbing sounds, likely tears of joy, emanating from the bathroom.

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