The 80s gave us so many classic toys. Remember all those? Well, I've gone through and scientifically rated the 10 that gave the least amount of fucks. I know that sounds like something out of science fiction -- how can someone numerically rate a toy's lack of fucks? It's a secret combination of Rad, Stupid and Awesome. Rad is rated in Condors, the M.A.S.K. motorcycle that turned into a helicopter, and Stupid is rated in Granites, the Go-Bot that turned into a rock. In order to read them, you'll need the Mek-A-Neck Code Cracker Spynocular included with every Cracked.com website. Get your parents help to cut yours out now. Advertisement

Slime In the 80s, mad lab technicians managed to create a toy that mocked the physical properties of both solids and liquids, but they could never get the scent right. Every brand of Slime smelled like a sweaty diaper. If a vulture mistook you for one of its babies and vomited dead wildebeest into your mouth, the smell would make you nostalgic for Slime. It had to be intentional. We live in a world of scientific miracles. Burger King knows the chemical formula to get corporate spies to taste like expired beef. My antiperspirant is "Sport Scented," and that's not even a thing. If Slime smells like someone died of athlete's foot six weeks ago, that's because it was meant to. My theory is that the smell was there to cover Slime's main side effect -- accumulation of disease. If you use Slime as directed, you might find yourself oozing it over an action figure or throwing it at a window. Well, a single He-Man toy has more harmful bacteria on it than six human buttholes. And now all of that bacteria is in your Slime. If Slime didn't come out of its container reeking like camping sex, your nose would warn you that it's festering with the plague. After an hour of play, there are more insect parts and AIDS in a handful of Slime than in a handful of Tila Tequila.

Omega Supreme Omega Supreme was a transformer that broke apart into two things: a rocket and a toy train set. Now, there were some problems with this system. First, toy train sets are the direct opposite of tough. Owning a toy train set is like mailing a picture of yourself breast feeding to each of your enemies. Omega Supreme would've been more useful in a fight if it turned into a sex swing. Fortunately, Omega Supreme still has his rocket. Unfortunately, it only takes the inscrutable logic of a 10-year-old to notice that if he ever launches it, a third of him is fucking gone when he goes back to being a robot. After a few fights, Omega Supreme will be the only Autobot that both turns into and needs a wheelchair ramp. One of the things I hate most about robots is their terrible lack of foresight. To transform most Transformers, you just folded them in half and opened their car doors. With Omega Supreme, you disassembled him into a pile of shapes that had to be snapped together with the help of a dozen specialized contractors. Loose pieces seemed to be designed by geniuses to say, "Mothers, this plastic debris is obviously not a toy. Throw it away." Omega Supreme took 45 minutes to transform, but if your parents were rich enough to buy it for you, you were probably asshole enough to deserve it. Continue Reading Below Advertisement