I’m conflicted.

I’m a feeder, through and through. Feedism, weight gain, and fat worship are the major aspects of my sexuality.

My partner isn’t into feedism whatsoever- mostly due to their very strict food restrictions due to allergies and illness, which means eating just isn’t a joyful experience.

They’ve recently gained a significant amount of weight in a short amount of time, as they’ve gained 1/3 of their (already very high) starting weight at this point. Clothes strain against their body, or pop and tear at the seams. Their footsteps shake the house. Their cheeks and double chin are so hot that get turned just watching them speak. Their arms are so soft and supple that I get turned on watching them gesture or reach for something. I just enjoy every once of their weight gain, and would happily welcome more.

They’re more or less indifferent to it- while they still mostly love their body as much as ever, they’re frustrated that they don’t fit into their old clothing, unless it’s extremely stretchy.

While I find myself turned on by my partners weight gain beyond anything I’ve ever experienced, I desperately wish they could enjoy it as much as I do. Food just isn’t a joyful thing for them, so their weight gain is happenstantial.

I feel a lot of dissonance- I feel guilty being so turned on by something they feel nothing for. But, I also can’t just not engage with the dominant aspect of my sexuality, when every physical attribute of theirs turns me on- especially as they continue to gain weight.