Now, see…

If we were the producers of this show, we’d have loaded up those tables with a bunch of whipped-cream pies. You just know some of these bitches would’ve risked ruining their wigs for a shot at some other queen’s face.

Ah, well. We can’t complain, because if there’s one thing this show has always done well, it’s figure out ways to keep things entertaining.

Like so:

HIGHLARIOUS. But we have to admit…

We’re unimpressed with the tuck skills on display this season.

And we do mean “ON DISPLAY.”

Next up:

Thousands of viewers get itchy ass.

We’re sorry, but these sketch challenges are often pretty painful to sit through and last night was no exception. Even the rare queen who can build a character and recite lines from a script doesn’t come off that well since there’s so little prep time and they’re almost always forced to play off pieces of lumber who can’t even figure out how to face a camera.

Sure, one or two always stand out (we were going to write “are head and shoulders above the others” and thought better of it), but you still have to sit through ten minutes of awkward attempts at acting and mostly unfunny dialogue. Does anyone really laugh their way through these segments?

Tonight, Ru is serving up Bride of Blackenstein and we are all living for it.

She seemed game and up for anything but it looks like she got overwhelmed by the other judges. We barely heard from her.

She’s a trouper.

It’s a great look. She’s always going to be in the lead when it come to the catwalk. She’s got the polish and she can make killer costumes. But we stand by what we said last week: her insult schtick is wearing thin already. She sticks her nose in everyone’s business, offers un-asked-for opinions, and then gets bitchy when people don’t like it. She’s fun and all, but it’s exhausting after a while.

Very Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. Not that that’s a bad thing. She’ll give Bianca a run for her money in the polish department, that’s for sure.

Enh. She looks good, we guess. But she’s kind of generic.

She surprised us with this look. While we wouldn’t exactly call this chic, it’s really polished and she looks glamorous as hell. She’ll make a lousy Beyonce, though. And you just know that’s where she’s headed for the Snatch Game.

We like the top half for serving up pure club kid weirdness, but the bottom half is nearly identical to the outfit she showed up in last week, with the space painted between her teeth. We hope she’s not getting repetitive this early in the game.

Bringing the drama. She’s as generic as Jocelyn in her own way, but her makeup skills are so world class that they elevate her entire look. Plus she’s got performing chops, as we saw this week. She’s a lightning fast comic queen, even if she’s a little too “on” sometimes.

We didn’t love this. The umbrella got awkward when she had to hold it away from her to show of her look.

She seems kind of … we don’t know… formless at this point. We like the face, but the dress is not setting us on fire.

Is it us or are the queens mostly a generic lot this season? It’s probably too early to tell, but it seems like there’s only a handful with any real style or originality to them.

We know we should hate her for being such a bitch all the time but she keeps opening her mouth and saying the most godawful stupid things and we just can’t help finding that DELICIOUS. Keep talking, honey. Each word is another shovelful of that hole you’re digging.

We liked this look, if for no other reason than she got away from the Kimora-style drag she’s been giving out.

Ru’s going to look at Adore as her own little project this season, we can see it. Michelle’s on board with that one too. They’re going to rag on her for her lack of polish or her attitude constantly until she has her “come to Jesus” moment. Or melts down. We can see why they want to put the work in on her. She has the potential to be really gorgeous and funny but so far, she comes off loud, lazy and stupid. She needs to drop the act and get to work.

Great look, though.

Sorry. Not feeling this queen at all. This look is terrible and she should’ve gotten more shit for it, we’re thinking.

Bless her heart. We appreciate that she’s doing this kind of drag, but boy, is this kind of thing dated and derivative. Having said that, it was still better than a lot of the generic looks on the catwalk this week.

But the lipstick’s on the mirror at this point: she’s got no performing chops and she’s awkward as hell.

Darienne wins, as she she should.

And April and Vivacious face off for the lip synch, which was all but declared over when the song started. Ru likes to pick lip synch songs that clearly favor one performer over another (i.e., when Latrice got “Natural Woman” or Jinkx got an Yma Sumac song for their lip synchs). Vivacious, whatever talents she has, is simply not going to work a Selena Gomez song the way April naturally would.

This was Auntie Ru deliberately weeding out a girl she knew had no chance to go all the way. Which is a shame, but we can’t say we disagree with the decision. We hope Milk can step it up on the Club Kid front now that it feels like we’re looking at a roster of pageant queens.

[Screencaps: tomandlorenzo.com]