I'll bet you didn't know that The Cannibal Feast had a breakfast buffet, did you? Let's consult the menu in The Washington Post.

Trump instructed Pence not to attend the inauguration of Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky in May — an event White House officials had pushed to put on the vice president’s calendar — when Ukraine’s new leader was seeking recognition and support from Washington, the officials said. Months later, the president used Pence to tell Zelensky that U.S. aid was still being withheld while demanding more aggressive action on corruption, officials said. At that time — following Trump’s July 25 phone call with Zelenksy — the Ukrainians probably understood action on corruption to include the investigation of former vice president Joe Biden and his son Hunter Biden.

You know this is true because it's exactly the kind of transparently obvious ploy that this president* believes makes him look like the Smooth Operator he sees in his gilt-edged mirror every morning. However, despite being dumb as a box of rocks, even Mike Pence can spot the bucket of water above the door.

Pence’s activities occurred amid several indications of the president’s hidden agenda. Among them were the abrupt removal of the U.S. ambassador to Kiev; the visible efforts by the president’s lawyer, Rudolph W. Giuliani, to insert himself in the U.S.-Ukraine relationship; as well as alarms being raised inside the White House even before the emergence of an extraordinary whistleblower complaint about Trump’s conduct. Perhaps most significantly, one of Pence’s top advisers was on the July 25 call and the vice president should have had access to the transcript within hours, officials said.

It is now apparent that El Caudillo del Mar-a-Lago's plan was to somehow involve everyone in his extortionate Ukraine ratfcking scam. It is equally apparent that Pence—or someone who works for him—is disinclined to join the parade of complicit simpletons who are following this president* out of Hamelin. A brawl between the two highest ranking members of the executive branch is the worst thing that possibly could happen to this president*. The more Pence stands his ground, the more he becomes a plausible president. (Add that to the ninth volume of my new collection entitled, Stuff I Never Thought I'd Write.) But that's what seems to be shaping up here.

A Pence aide disputed the notion that the vice president was poorly prepared for his meeting with Zelensky, and pointed to the eventual outcome — that the Trump administration ultimately released the aid — as a sign of a productive meeting. The White House Counsel’s Office did not alert the vice president’s office to the existence of the whistleblower complaint until the day before it became public, the aide added.

That is a signifying quote, even on background. Basically, Pence is saying, "Look, while President* Crazy McCrooked was doing crimes on the phone, he needed me to close the deal for him with Ukraine." I can't think of anything an underling to this particular president* could say that would be more fundamentally disloyal and insulting than that. Now, it is very likely that Pence has problems of his own regarding the Ukraine episode. If he didn't, his staff wouldn't have taken so suddenly to defensive leaking.

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Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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