During the final weeks of his wife’s pregnancy and the first days of his baby son’s life, John Clayton couldn’t have been a more attentive husband and father.

The university academic was at Vicky’s side when her labour was induced. At home in Exeter with their newborn son, John was seemingly overjoyed and eager to play a full role in baby Hugo’s life, bathing him, changing his nappies and taking turns with his wife to feed him at night.

But three years after becoming a father, 41-year-old John took his own life. The note he left behind gave a sense of the despair that took hold of him as he adapted to parenthood.

‘He spoke of his love for Hugo and his concern for him,’ recalls Vicky, ‘but you could also feel the darkness he had been living in. He felt such a tangible weight on his shoulders, as if he was looking in on our world and seeing joy but couldn’t be part of it.’

John Clayton, 41 (pictured with his infant son Hugo) took his own life three years after becoming a father. His wife Vicky, 38, shared how he battled depression before his death

During the 19 months since her husband’s suicide in November 2016, Vicky, 38, has endured the heartbreak of talking to their four-year-old son about what happened to his father in terms that he can understand.

‘Daddy was very poorly,’ is what she says when Hugo asks: ‘How did my daddy die?’

She is speaking out publicly now, however, because she believes that John was a victim of a serious, but rarely discussed, condition — male postnatal depression.

Traditionally, of course, postnatal depression (PND) has been regarded as a maternal problem exacerbated by hormonal changes following birth. And there will be those who are sceptical about claims that new fathers can also suffer. But there is a growing body of evidence to suggest otherwise.

Research backed by the NHS shows that up to one in 25 new fathers becomes depressed after having a baby, a fact that is rarely revealed to expectant parents — even though the NHS describes PND as ‘a type of depression that many parents experience after having a baby’.

The National Childbirth Trust (NCT), meanwhile, says that more than one in three new fathers are concerned about their mental health, while the Mental Health Foundation puts the rate of paternal PND at around 10 per cent — not far off that of mothers at 14 per cent.

But while in the UK the well-being of all new mothers is gauged by health visitors and other medical professionals, no such checks are in place for new fathers.

‘It needs to be talked about,’ says Vicky, who works part-time as a holistic therapist. ‘The fact is that men can suffer the same kind of emotional upheaval as women following the birth of a child.

‘John changed after he became a father. He didn’t get the help he needed because the problem isn’t recognised enough. Male postnatal depression needs to be highlighted so that other lives can be saved.’

Vicky (pictured) revealed she wasn't immediately concerned by John's change in behaviour after the birth of their son, Hugo

Fathers who have PND tend to experience it in a different way to mothers, say experts, suffering from anxiety, aggression, distress and doubts about their parenting skills as well as withdrawing from the family.

They are much more likely than women to turn to alcohol or drugs to cope, and they also tend to experience a delayed onset of PND. While most women are affected in the months after birth, for men it is usually at its most intense once the child is at least a year old.

Abi Wood, head of campaigns at the NCT, explains: ‘Postnatal depression and other perinatal mental health issues can be experienced by men as well as women, and this is increasingly being recognised.

‘Many men face huge upheaval when they become a father. More financial responsibility, changes in relationships and lifestyle, combined with a lack of sleep and an increased workload at home, can all affect a new dad’s emotional and mental well-being.

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‘A father’s personality, social factors, family history and past mental health history can also affect his chance of developing depression.’ Early signs that something was wrong with John were not easy to detect, says his wife, Vicky.

In the first few weeks after Hugo’s birth, John was tired and fractious, but no more than she would have expected given the sleepless nights, endless feeds and bouts of their baby crying that all new parents have to cope with.

Vicky was dealing with her own exhaustion and her priority, she admits, was their son. ‘All new parents go through rough patches,’ she says. ‘I’d expected it to be difficult, so I wasn’t too concerned.’

By the time Hugo arrived in July 2013 — just two days after the Duchess of Cambridge gave birth to Prince George — John and Vicky had been together for five years after meeting in 2008 at Cornwall College in Camborne, Cornwall.

‘John was so interesting to be with,’ says Vicky. ‘He was intelligent and had a great sense of humour. He loved being around people and was keen to help others.’

Vicky (pictured with Hugo) was given emotional support after giving birth to Hugo who didn't cry for several minutes after being delivered but John was sent home to care for himself

Within months they had moved in together, and two years later, in July 2010, John proposed during a holiday to the Scilly Isles, presenting Vicky with a ruby and diamond engagement ring which belonged to his great-grandmother.

As their wedding day approached, the couple moved to Exeter, where Vicky started a job as a PA at a large IT company. John, who was applying to study for his PhD, took a temporary job at the John Lewis call centre in the city.

At weekends, they went for long walks or supported the Exeter Chiefs rugby club at home games. John indulged his passion for fishing on the River Exe. Throughout this time, they had frank conversations about what they expected from marriage.‘We both wanted to start a family and we were already in our 30s by then, so we knew we didn’t want to delay things,’ says Vicky.

She discovered she was pregnant just two-and-a-half months after their wedding at the Hartnoll Hotel, near Tiverton in Devon, in June 2012.

He was tired all the time. He got very agitated when Hugo cried

‘We were stunned it had happened so quickly,’ says Vicky. ‘But we were both over the moon.’

The couple’s joy was short-lived, however, when Vicky suffered a miscarriage at six weeks.

Happily, she became pregnant again just over a month later in October 2012. But John was understandably nervous. He waited until she had undergone her 12-week scan on New Year’s Eve to announce the pregnancy, posting the scan photo on Facebook and writing: ‘Look what we made!’

When John discovered the baby was a boy at the 20-week scan, he burst into tears of joy.

Hugo’s birth the following summer was, however, far from straightforward.

After a lengthy labour, during which the baby’s head became trapped, Vicky underwent an emergency Caesarean section.

Their son didn’t cry for several minutes after being delivered. John, says Vicky, was ‘an emotional wreck’. And while there was lots of support on hand for her afterwards, John was sent home and left to fend for himself.

John (pictured) became agitated when Hugo cried and struggled to concentrate on his work

By the time Vicky and Hugo came home from hospital, John had used up half of his two-week state paternity leave. While he was a hands-on father during the week he had left, soon after he returned to work Vicky sensed a change in him.

‘He was tired all the time. He got very agitated when Hugo cried,’ she says. ‘He wanted things to be idyllic, but the reality with a newborn baby is that it’s stressful and you have to get through it.’

Within weeks, John had moved into the spare room at home so that he could sleep at night.

‘I wasn’t overly concerned,’ says Vicky. ‘He needed to sleep because he was working. I needed to be with Hugo. I thought it was just a normal stage that we would go through. I underestimated the toll it took on John.’

I took up the slack rather than voicing my worries about what was going on

Eight weeks after Hugo’s birth, the family moved from Exeter to Cardiff, where John was about to begin a paid PhD research post at the university. As they embarked on their new life, though, he became increasingly withdrawn.

‘He was away at the university every day,’ she says. ‘In the evenings, after he came home, I was the one who did the bedtime routine. John would watch TV or look at social media.

‘He couldn’t concentrate on his work, so that wasn’t getting done either.’

While John became ‘lost in himself’, Vicky admits she felt ‘as if I was walking on eggshells’.

‘I wanted to make everything all right, so at first I took up the slack rather than voicing my worries about what was going on.’

As the months passed, it was clear that John wasn’t coping. Vicky took a part-time job at a Cardiff hotel in April 2014 and hired a childminder to care for Hugo.

However, on the days he was meant to work from home, John often went back to bed or watched TV all day.

When she challenged him about it, he broke down and cried.

Vicky (pictured) says John was given antidepressants and placed on a six-month waiting list to see an NHS counsellor

‘He said he loved Hugo immensely, but that he wasn’t coping with being a father,’ she recalls. ‘He said he didn’t feel connected to us and that he had no real enjoyment of life.’

According to the NCT, these are some of the most common symptoms of paternal postnatal depression. New fathers can feel they are not coping, experience lethargy, an inability to concentrate as well as a lack of interest in the outside world. Such symptoms are similar to those suffered by new mothers — but they are less likely to be spotted.

At Vicky’s insistence, John went to see his GP but, with a six-month waiting list to see an NHS counsellor, he was prescribed antidepressants. They initially appeared to improve his mood.

I was trying to balance the expectations of my husband with the needs of my child

He returned to his studies and began seeing a counsellor at Cardiff University, who thought he was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder after witnessing Hugo’s difficult birth.

By now Vicky, who was utterly exhausted from propping up the family on her own, was struggling to cope. Her GP said she was suffering from ‘low mood’ and prescribed the same antidepressant John had been given — Citalopram.

‘I felt under immense pressure,’ she says. ‘I was trying to balance the expectations of my husband with the needs of my child. I was tired and tearful. We’d become separate entities. It was me and Hugo, and then John. I couldn’t go on.’

Vicky felt both guilty and relieved after she decided to move back to Exeter in September 2014 with their son.

She asked John to move with them and work remotely, but he refused to go. Instead, they spoke on the phone every day and he visited every three or four weeks.

John (pictured) hid the severity of his depression and even threw a Halloween party days before taking his life

They were together when they bought Hugo’s first walking shoes in October, and at Christmas when John gave his son a musical nursery rhyme book.

By the start of 2015, the pair accepted that their marriage was probably over, although Vicky continued to live in hope that they might manage to find their way back to each other.

‘We got on well,’ she says. ‘We both loved Hugo. It was always in my mind that a reconciliation might happen.’

But, by the summer of 2016, John hadn’t done enough work to complete his PhD, which meant embarking on a fourth year without any financial support and without many of his friends, who had completed theirs.

He was suffering from insomnia, and his GP changed the medication he was taking.

John didn’t know how to get himself out of his depression

Vicky checked on him over the phone, but says: ‘There’s a limit to what you can do. If I’d known for a second how bad it was I would have been there in a heartbeat. I’d have tried to keep him safe.’

Right to the end, John hid the severity of his depression. Only two days before he took his life in November 2016, he threw a Halloween party at his rented house in Cardiff. Vicky believes he was still trying to put a brave face on things.

John’s body was found at his home two days later after concerned university friends called the police.

Poignantly, Vicky had just texted John to invite him to Hugo’s first nursery Nativity play and was fretting about why he hadn’t replied. When a police officer arrived on her doorstep, she knew straightaway that the news would be heartbreaking.

‘I said: “I need to take my son next door to my neighbour’s before you tell me anything”,’ she recalls.

Experts are calling for male-only antenatal classes as a place where men can confidently express their anxieties (file image)

Since John died, Vicky has devoted much of her time to talking about male PND and suicide in the hope that other lives may be saved.

She is a volunteer at Devon suicide bereavement charity Pete’s Dragons, and has been trained to recognise those at risk of harming themselves.

Above all, she believes that there is not enough information for fathers about how to get help, despite the fact that in the UK the male suicide rate is consistently far higher than it is for women.

Men are more reluctant to express how they feel or admit they are struggling, says Abi Wood of the NCT, particularly when many feel it’s their role to be strong and support their partner after the birth of a child.

‘Dads’ peri-natal mental health problems need to be more widely recognised,’ she says. ‘It’s important men are encouraged and supported to share how they’re feeling and ask for help.’

Other experts are calling for male-only antenatal classes, where men feel they can express their fears and anxieties about impending fatherhood.

‘John didn’t know how to get himself out of his depression,’ says Vicky. ‘The pain of losing him will never go away. Hugo has to grow up without a father.’

As he gets older, her son’s questions about his father become increasingly painful to answer. Recently, they went together to scatter John’s ashes at a beauty spot overlooking the Exe Estuary where he loved to fish.

While Hugo is still too young to understand the shattering truth about his father’s suicide, Vicky wants to keep John’s memory alive, both for the sake of their son and to raise awareness about how postnatal depression can be as devastating for men as it is for women.

Several helplines can advise about suicide prevention: Samaritans, 116 123; Childline, 0800 11 11; and MindInfoline, 0300 123 3393. Petesdragons.org offers comfort after suicide loss in Devon and Cornwall.