Bouquet of Placentas

~Abortion, adoption coincidence they both rhyme with the word, option? I think not.~

Saturday, October 30, 2004

Open Wide and Say Please

Yesterday I bought 8 1.18 litres of beer it's cheaper than buying a 24, you get more and the alcohol content is stronger. The taste of the beer though isn't the greatest, there is always some catch. I had enough money left to buy pills but I didn't I stared at them for a minute or so and decided to rent "Dawn of the Dead" instead. I feel proud of the fact I didn't buy them and I only drank one of those bottles of beer which equals to about 3 beer. In other words I didn't get trashed out of my mind and try to kill myself. Would you say I'm making progress or what?



I'm making my own Mcmuffins because I know there won't be as much pigeon in it. Healthy eating is what made me what I am today that and taking heroin through the eyeball. Gotta love having pricks in your eye, you just gotta.



Have you ever taken a shit and all of sudden you had to barf? What do you do? Do you get up and risk shitting on the floor or stay where you are and vomit all over the place? That would suck hardcore beans that's for sure. The worst thing that happened to me on the toilet is when I was 7 and some magical way I pissed in my own face. I can't remember if I just wanted to look at it or do what that farm lady did to the horse on the "forbidden" channel and give myself a blowjob. The world works in mysterious ways and yes everyone is gay, except me because I eat dolphins for brunch. Yesterday I bought 8 1.18 litres of beer it's cheaper than buying a 24, you get more and the alcohol content is stronger. The taste of the beer though isn't the greatest, there is always some catch. I had enough money left to buy pills but I didn't I stared at them for a minute or so and decided to rent "Dawn of the Dead" instead. I feel proud of the fact I didn't buy them and I only drank one of those bottles of beer which equals to about 3 beer. In other words I didn't get trashed out of my mind and try to kill myself. Would you say I'm making progress or what?I'm making my own Mcmuffins because I know there won't be as much pigeon in it. Healthy eating is what made me what I am today that and taking heroin through the eyeball. Gotta love having pricks in your eye, you just gotta.Have you ever taken a shit and all of sudden you had to barf? What do you do? Do you get up and risk shitting on the floor or stay where you are and vomit all over the place? That would suck hardcore beans that's for sure. The worst thing that happened to me on the toilet is when I was 7 and some magical way I pissed in my own face. I can't remember if I just wanted to look at it or do what that farm lady did to the horse on the "forbidden" channel and give myself a blowjob. The world works in mysterious ways and yes everyone is gay, except me because I eat dolphins for brunch.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Who's Special? I AM!

I have decided not to sell my Cradle of Filth ticket because I went to the bank today to see how many cents I have and well that some cents turned out to be 40 dollars. I don't know if I'm still going to kill myself tomorrow I don't think so since I am feeling better. I just got to be careful because the littlest thing well set me off again. If something does happen it will be something negative Lesley says or writes to me. If it's positive that will be so great then maybe things will turn back to normal and we can be friends again. Truthfully though I think I really fucked up this time and I have lost her for good. Aren't you guys lucky I have to live with that and not you?



I've barely job searched this month so I'm going to go job searching tomorrow because after tomorrow I'm stuck here. The only thing I can do is job search online after Friday so I might as well put an effort out tomorrow. I hate job searching online I get no results, but hey at least I'm persistent. A nice word for denial. I know as soon as I get a job I'll be a much happier person, it's hard to smile when your life is the shits especially when you know it's your fault. My life maybe shitty but if this good attitude I've been having today keeps up I should be able to pull myself out of the hole I have dug for myself.



I hope Lesley still wants me in her life even after the shit I pulled but if she doesn't I'll admit it'll hurt and I will miss her painfully. I'm just going to have to understand that I'm the reason she left my life and I'll just have to move on. I never seem to amaze myself on the stupid shit I pull, I always seem to fuck up the postive things in my life. Hurray for me or not.



I might be home alone this Halloween weekend but I got 40 bucks for alcohol so it won't be that bad. If I'm in a good mood when I drink I won't take any pills, but if I'm depressed I'll be making sure I'm taking pills with my alcohol. Now I wouldn't say I'm going to commit suicide it's more like see what happens when you mix alcohol and pills together. Curiousity killed the cat, but I'm not a cat. SO FUCK YOU.....FATE!



I'm alone in this world it seems by my own choice of course but if I'm still alone after I get a job and move out then I'll think I'll start my life from scratch. Meet new people, enjoy life and just learn from past mistakes so I don't go through this depression again. I have to be wiser, maturer, more responsible but still be myself. I can't live life if I'm being someone else I have to be myself and have fun doing it. Look at me I sound like an after school special. I'M GOING TO RAPE ALL YOUR CHILDREN! RAPE THEM GOOD!

I have decided not to sell my Cradle of Filth ticket because I went to the bank today to see how many cents I have and well that some cents turned out to be 40 dollars. I don't know if I'm still going to kill myself tomorrow I don't think so since I am feeling better. I just got to be careful because the littlest thing well set me off again. If something does happen it will be something negative Lesley says or writes to me. If it's positive that will be so great then maybe things will turn back to normal and we can be friends again. Truthfully though I think I really fucked up this time and I have lost her for good. Aren't you guys lucky I have to live with that and not you?I've barely job searched this month so I'm going to go job searching tomorrow because after tomorrow I'm stuck here. The only thing I can do is job search online after Friday so I might as well put an effort out tomorrow. I hate job searching online I get no results, but hey at least I'm persistent. A nice word for denial. I know as soon as I get a job I'll be a much happier person, it's hard to smile when your life is the shits especially when you know it's your fault. My life maybe shitty but if this good attitude I've been having today keeps up I should be able to pull myself out of the hole I have dug for myself.I hope Lesley still wants me in her life even after the shit I pulled but if she doesn't I'll admit it'll hurt and I will miss her painfully. I'm just going to have to understand that I'm the reason she left my life and I'll just have to move on. I never seem to amaze myself on the stupid shit I pull, I always seem to fuck up the postive things in my life. Hurray for me or not.I might be home alone this Halloween weekend but I got 40 bucks for alcohol so it won't be that bad. If I'm in a good mood when I drink I won't take any pills, but if I'm depressed I'll be making sure I'm taking pills with my alcohol. Now I wouldn't say I'm going to commit suicide it's more like see what happens when you mix alcohol and pills together. Curiousity killed the cat, but I'm not a cat. SO FUCK YOU.....FATE!I'm alone in this world it seems by my own choice of course but if I'm still alone after I get a job and move out then I'll think I'll start my life from scratch. Meet new people, enjoy life and just learn from past mistakes so I don't go through this depression again. I have to be wiser, maturer, more responsible but still be myself. I can't live life if I'm being someone else I have to be myself and have fun doing it. Look at me I sound like an after school special. I'M GOING TO RAPE ALL YOUR CHILDREN! RAPE THEM GOOD!

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Suicide Plan in Progress



I did it. I pushed Lesley out of my life, it was the hardest thing I have ever done I can only hope it was worth it. Since Lesley dumped me I have been fucked up, severely fucked up. I tried being her friend, I tried dealing with her flirting/touching other guys, tried putting away the thought that one day she's going to be with someone else but I can't. All of those things depress me I can't handle them. The breakup hit me so hard that I won't even date her again because I'll always be scared she'll leave me again. Having her in my life isn't positive anymore, for fuck sakes me in Lesley's life isn't even postive but she seems to differ from my opinion. Like a coward I ended everything by email, go figure. I blocked Lesley from my MSN, but I forgot to block her from my email so she got the last word in. Fuck!



Lesley if you're reading this understand this! I was aware of how pissed off you would be and I'm glad you got pissed off, I'm sure you probably hate me...good! The more you hate me the easier you'll forget I ever existed. If you must know I fucking hate how immature I am and how I don't think before I react, but that's how I am. Until the day I die I'm going to regret cutting you out of my life, I'm going to cry dwelling on all the good times I had with you and how happy I was with you. When December comes around to be honest I don't even think I'll make it through December because I know how painful it is going to be. Lesley you need to understand that I CAN'T HANDLE THIS! I CAN'T! I wish I knew a better way but I don't so I'm pushing you away it's the only way I know how to solve problems! You say I don't know what love is well fine I don't! Does that make you feel better that I said that?! Does it make you feel better that you wasted 9 months?! Does it?! LESLEY I'M A HIDEOUS PERSON AND BELIEVE ME THIS IS FOR THE BEST! You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, you are a great person and all I am now is just a negative little fucker. You have no use for me, trust me. I'm sorry you ever saw me, I'm more sorry for turning back and talking to you. I should of just kept on walking, then you wouldn't even be dealing with this right now. I'm sorry.



I fucking hate myself more than ever and frankly I've had it. I've had it with everything. Me, life, family.....everything. I am going to sell my Cradle of Filth ticket and when I do I'm going to buy alcohol and pills and I'm going to see what happens. It's the only way of suicide I can do with out chickening out and if the alcohol and pills don't do the job I'm sure the state my mind I will be in will be quite motivating. If I get fucked up as much as I think I would...if I don't die I shouldn't have a problem finding other ways to die. There's no point for me living, there isn't. I don't want to work, I pushed away my family, Lesley, I don't have any goals or ambitions, I don't want anything life can offer so living seems pretty pointless, I just want to be miserable. Dying might not be the answer but it's the road I've decided to take. Hopefully I can sell my ticket before the weekend if I do I will be attempting this on Friday and if I don't well then hopefully I can sell it by Halloween, then I can do it on Halloween. How dramatic.



Good thing about this though I've cut contact off with Lesley so she won't even know what's going on and even if she reads this, she'll just think I'll chicken out anyway, she probably won't even give a fuck. No matter what the only thing that will stop me from dying is fate, nothing else. I might have turned into an asshole and a coward but for the way things are and how I am it doesn't even matter. Fuck I hope I can sell my ticket.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

An Unimportant Entity

I wish I could say I'm excited that Halloween is just around the corner, but since I'm not doing anything at all on Halloween I could care less. I had to be super cool and waste all my money before Halloween, even though I don't have a job. I do alot of stupid things like that, oh well I guess I could always catch up on some television. Wow, this is going to be two shitty Halloweens in a row. You know what they say, four in a row and you score. Hurray for whores! I mean scores!



Lately I have noticed that my interest in writing poetry has gone down the drain. It's probably because I'm sick and tired of trying to be good at it and not accomplishing to do so. If this keeps up I bet around the first week of November I will have stopped completely. Funny thing is at one time I actually wanted to go to school and do something with writing. Glad I didn't do that, what a waste of time and money that would of been. Lucky me. Even though I stop writing poetry I'll still write in this blog because I like writing nonsense. I'm just fucking cool like that and if you have a problem then please control your anger because I don't want you to hurt me. I'm fragile like a virgin flower or something gay like that.



Add on:



Someone told me that since I write all the time I should go to school and be a writer. Sure, that seems like a good idea except that fact that just because someone likes doing something doesn't mean they're good at it or have talent. For example: I also enjoy hockey, but I suck at it and I know I'll never have a career playing hockey. Go to school to be a writer hmmmmm........ Nah, I don't want to pay for failure.



Had a job interview for making and installing neon lights today. The interview didn't go that bad of course my references will fuck me over in the end, hurray for references! Hurray for my inability to work! I want to have my resume say I never worked a day in my life then that way the employer won't ask for references. People say that's stupid and no one will hire me if I'm 21 and never worked before. Well doing it their way hasn't gotten me anywhere so yeah, how do you like them apples?! I got a job interview at HMV on Thursday and I am going but I don't care what happens. Usually people are excited about job interviews because that's a step closer landing a job. As for me I have been rejected so many times that this has been a game to me, my rejection record is quite good and if I do get a job I'll be almost disappointed. Stupid employer damaging my good record, FUCKER!



I want to buy a dog, call it Courtney and shoot it in the head. That would be very therapeutic for me. I don't really want to kill an animal so maybe I'll just pray my sister dies very soon. Soon like as soon as I'm done writing this entry, that would be so hardcore. Hurray for dreams that won't come true!

I wish I could say I'm excited that Halloween is just around the corner, but since I'm not doing anything at all on Halloween I could care less. I had to be super cool and waste all my money before Halloween, even though I don't have a job. I do alot of stupid things like that, oh well I guess I could always catch up on some television. Wow, this is going to be two shitty Halloweens in a row. You know what they say, four in a row and you score. Hurray for whores! I mean scores!Lately I have noticed that my interest in writing poetry has gone down the drain. It's probably because I'm sick and tired of trying to be good at it and not accomplishing to do so. If this keeps up I bet around the first week of November I will have stopped completely. Funny thing is at one time I actually wanted to go to school and do something with writing. Glad I didn't do that, what a waste of time and money that would of been. Lucky me. Even though I stop writing poetry I'll still write in this blog because I like writing nonsense. I'm just fucking cool like that and if you have a problem then please control your anger because I don't want you to hurt me. I'm fragile like a virgin flower or something gay like that.Add on:Someone told me that since I write all the time I should go to school and be a writer. Sure, that seems like a good idea except that fact that just because someone likes doing something doesn't mean they're good at it or have talent. For example: I also enjoy hockey, but I suck at it and I know I'll never have a career playing hockey. Go to school to be a writer hmmmmm........ Nah, I don't want to pay for failure.Had a job interview for making and installing neon lights today. The interview didn't go that bad of course my references will fuck me over in the end, hurray for references! Hurray for my inability to work! I want to have my resume say I never worked a day in my life then that way the employer won't ask for references. People say that's stupid and no one will hire me if I'm 21 and never worked before. Well doing it their way hasn't gotten me anywhere so yeah, how do you like them apples?! I got a job interview at HMV on Thursday and I am going but I don't care what happens. Usually people are excited about job interviews because that's a step closer landing a job. As for me I have been rejected so many times that this has been a game to me, my rejection record is quite good and if I do get a job I'll be almost disappointed. Stupid employer damaging my good record, FUCKER!I want to buy a dog, call it Courtney and shoot it in the head. That would be very therapeutic for me. I don't really want to kill an animal so maybe I'll just pray my sister dies very soon. Soon like as soon as I'm done writing this entry, that would be so hardcore. Hurray for dreams that won't come true!

Monday, October 25, 2004

Conversations Kill

So how was your day today? Oh it was super I fucked a monkey and felched a few goldfish. Wow that sounds like you had a super awesome time. Yeah my time kind of looked like that clock over there. Over where? Over there. Oh that's a nice clock. Yeah I found it the other day when I was masturbating to some Barry Manilow. Really? Was it exciting? Not really the whole time I was doing it I was craving crackers. Like the soup kind? Nah, the kind that tastes like vegetables. Like the vegetables Peter Rabbit stole from Mr. McGregor's garden? Exactly.



Do you like cereal? No it gives me bad fiber shits. When you would shit did you ever hit the sides or miss completely? Nope I got the sink every time. Cool, when I was baby my mom bathed me in the sink all the time. Did your sink have a garbage disposal? Yes, yes it did. You might want to think about that for a second. Why? Oh, oh God you don't think my mom tried to kill me do you? Probably not but I bet she was thinking about it every time. I new there was a reason why my mom always had me sit right over the sink drain. My mom is a bitch. Yes, I would have to agree my good chum. Do you think I should give her a good clubbing for revenge? Yes, I do and maybe fondle her breasts for awhile after too. Why would I want to do that? Because she wants you to. Oh, well then okay I shall fondle her until I cream myself. Don't do that you might get a penal hemorrhage. Oooo, I don't want that. Exactly.



Do you like children? Sure do they taste like beef Wellingtons. Mmmm, sounds scrumptious. It's really good when you add kitten. Ooooo, meowARRIFIC! Better believe it. Believe what? That God steals your lunch money when you're sleeping. So that's where my money is disappearing to, why does he take my money? Taxes, my friend taxes. God damn faxes. Yeah I hate faxes too man the phone is the way because you can make crazy voices. I love crazy voices, you should of heard the crazy voice this hooker made when I shoved my cock too far down her throat. HAHA! That's crazy. I know eh. You were at least a gentleman and lubricated yourself, right? Sure did because I know if you're not a gentleman you'll go to Hell and be fisted by RoboCop. Exactly.



What should we talk about now, friend? Nothing I'm going. Where to? I was thinking Pizza Hut, but then I realized how much donkey dick they suck so I'm going to KFC. Do you know that it is proven if you eat too much of KFC a man can grow breasts? Yeah man, it's all right it will give me something else to molest. Ooo, good thinking. Yeah I do that lots. Do what? The hole in my drywall, it's the perfect size. Well that's convenient. No doubt, the last hole I had was a hole in the ground but some worms took it over. I was sad. I feel your pain man. I fucked a dog once and I gave birth to kittens. I was so scared I didn't know what to do. You shot the dog didn't you? The Tooth Fairy made me do it. Oh, oh you ejaculated before she could orgasm didn't you? Yeah. Oh man that's a big NO, when I did that she made me eat out her grandma for 3 weeks, I never puked up so many teeth in all my life. Want to buy a couple of shotguns and massacre the Tooth Fairy and her grandma. Hell, yes! But we should eat first because killing sucks on an empty stomach, right? Exactly.

So how was your day today? Oh it was super I fucked a monkey and felched a few goldfish. Wow that sounds like you had a super awesome time. Yeah my time kind of looked like that clock over there. Over where? Over there. Oh that's a nice clock. Yeah I found it the other day when I was masturbating to some Barry Manilow. Really? Was it exciting? Not really the whole time I was doing it I was craving crackers. Like the soup kind? Nah, the kind that tastes like vegetables. Like the vegetables Peter Rabbit stole from Mr. McGregor's garden? Exactly.Do you like cereal? No it gives me bad fiber shits. When you would shit did you ever hit the sides or miss completely? Nope I got the sink every time. Cool, when I was baby my mom bathed me in the sink all the time. Did your sink have a garbage disposal? Yes, yes it did. You might want to think about that for a second. Why? Oh, oh God you don't think my mom tried to kill me do you? Probably not but I bet she was thinking about it every time. I new there was a reason why my mom always had me sit right over the sink drain. My mom is a bitch. Yes, I would have to agree my good chum. Do you think I should give her a good clubbing for revenge? Yes, I do and maybe fondle her breasts for awhile after too. Why would I want to do that? Because she wants you to. Oh, well then okay I shall fondle her until I cream myself. Don't do that you might get a penal hemorrhage. Oooo, I don't want that. Exactly.Do you like children? Sure do they taste like beef Wellingtons. Mmmm, sounds scrumptious. It's really good when you add kitten. Ooooo, meowARRIFIC! Better believe it. Believe what? That God steals your lunch money when you're sleeping. So that's where my money is disappearing to, why does he take my money? Taxes, my friend taxes. God damn faxes. Yeah I hate faxes too man the phone is the way because you can make crazy voices. I love crazy voices, you should of heard the crazy voice this hooker made when I shoved my cock too far down her throat. HAHA! That's crazy. I know eh. You were at least a gentleman and lubricated yourself, right? Sure did because I know if you're not a gentleman you'll go to Hell and be fisted by RoboCop. Exactly.What should we talk about now, friend? Nothing I'm going. Where to? I was thinking Pizza Hut, but then I realized how much donkey dick they suck so I'm going to KFC. Do you know that it is proven if you eat too much of KFC a man can grow breasts? Yeah man, it's all right it will give me something else to molest. Ooo, good thinking. Yeah I do that lots. Do what? The hole in my drywall, it's the perfect size. Well that's convenient. No doubt, the last hole I had was a hole in the ground but some worms took it over. I was sad. I feel your pain man. I fucked a dog once and I gave birth to kittens. I was so scared I didn't know what to do. You shot the dog didn't you? The Tooth Fairy made me do it. Oh, oh you ejaculated before she could orgasm didn't you? Yeah. Oh man that's a big NO, when I did that she made me eat out her grandma for 3 weeks, I never puked up so many teeth in all my life. Want to buy a couple of shotguns and massacre the Tooth Fairy and her grandma. Hell, yes! But we should eat first because killing sucks on an empty stomach, right? Exactly.

Labour: A Really Painful Shit

I wonder if when a baby is being born that it pisses and shits itself through the labour process. That be pretty fucking disgusting for the woman knowing there's piss and shit floating in her vaginal canal or deeper. Isn't giving birth the most beautiful thing in the world? I've seen some videos of woman in labour and giving birth and it's fucking sick. How can that be beautiful? Woman crying, cursing from the pain, a crying baby, blood, gross looking umbilical cord, gooey shit all over the place. Giving birth looks like something that should be in a box office horror movie. Absolutely terrifying.



The baby is born with the umbilical cord still attached to it. Sorry Ms. Harrison it looks like your baby is a plug-in not a cordless you might want to try again next year for that cordless baby. Ms. Harrison is a Ms. because she's a dirty, filthy whore and the guy that knocked her up ran away. She's trailer trash.

I wonder if when a baby is being born that it pisses and shits itself through the labour process. That be pretty fucking disgusting for the woman knowing there's piss and shit floating in her vaginal canal or deeper. Isn't giving birth the most beautiful thing in the world? I've seen some videos of woman in labour and giving birth and it's fucking sick. How can that be beautiful? Woman crying, cursing from the pain, a crying baby, blood, gross looking umbilical cord, gooey shit all over the place. Giving birth looks like something that should be in a box office horror movie. Absolutely terrifying.The baby is born with the umbilical cord still attached to it. Sorry Ms. Harrison it looks like your baby is a plug-in not a cordless you might want to try again next year for that cordless baby. Ms. Harrison is a Ms. because she's a dirty, filthy whore and the guy that knocked her up ran away. She's trailer trash.

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Hope/No Hope I don't know why I do the things I do, why I say the things I say or why I think the way I think. I have no idea who I really am, but I have realized what my problem is. My mind is severely fucked up. Every time I try to be positive and better my life it seems my mind status gets worse, the mental pain becomes unbearable like making my life better is wrong. When I say things to make myself feel worse or do things to make my life worse my mind seems less agitated. Sure there is still a pain that dwells but it's tolerable not like when I try accomplishing goals, smiling, laughing, being positive. It's like negativity is what's keeping me together and when I try to be positive it feels like I'm ripping myself apart. I'm fucked up and backwards. I know I might not be able to unlock the secrets in me to cure myself but I can do whatever I have to, to lessen or rid the strain in my mind. I'm the type of person that probably shouldn't be around people.

Saturday, October 23, 2004

Enslaved

No matter what I do, who I hang out with I always feel alone.

No matter what I do, who I hang out with I always feel alone.

Trashcan Entry

I am officially poor. Once again I have given into my newly acquired alcohol addiction. You know what this means? I am doing nothing for Halloween, hurray for everything. Hurray for the magical fucking art of sarcasm. HURRAY!



Everyday that goes by I seem to get more hateful. I 'm going in a downward spiral and I just don't give a fuck. I don't want to be anything, do anything there's just no point to succeed. What would be the purpose? To be happy? I could careless. It's so much easier to be miserbale and make life worse then to be happy and make life awesome. Fuck life I say, it's nothing that special. I've seen better drug hallucinations than what life can offer. I don't give a flying fuck if I sound pathetic and you think I should be shot and put out of my misery because you're probably right. Not like the world is going to collapse without me. It's funny because why would someone like me bother living if he's just a waste of skin. I have no intelligence, no potential, no motivation, I'm a horrible person, I'm dull as fuck, I got not talent, I'm ugly, I got no skills, everything I need to make it in life I have none of it. If it weren't for me being such a coward I wouldn't even be writing this God forsaken entry. If you catch my drift.



The breakup with Lesley has completely fucked me up in the sense of I've become anti-female. I can't talk to females, hang out with females, hit on females, kiss females, fuck females. I just have no interest in them. The only exception of course is Lesley. Now don't be confused I'm not turning gay, I am straight. Abstinence though has seem to be my new life choice, once again with the exception of Lesley. I'm just sick with dating, sick of the whole scene all together. Relationships can go fuck themselves off a bridge!



Goal: Move out and work until I die.

Feeling: I'm going to die before I'm 30.

Regrets: My mind is a fucking knot of everything that's negative and I can't fix myself. All I know how to do is pull the knot tighter.

Love: Lesley

Hate: Myself

Indulgence: Alcohol

What's wrong with you?: I don't know who I am..............I don't know who I am. I am officially poor. Once again I have given into my newly acquired alcohol addiction. You know what this means? I am doing nothing for Halloween, hurray for everything. Hurray for the magical fucking art of sarcasm. HURRAY!Everyday that goes by I seem to get more hateful. I 'm going in a downward spiral and I just don't give a fuck. I don't want to be anything, do anything there's just no point to succeed. What would be the purpose? To be happy? I could careless. It's so much easier to be miserbale and make life worse then to be happy and make life awesome. Fuck life I say, it's nothing that special. I've seen better drug hallucinations than what life can offer. I don't give a flying fuck if I sound pathetic and you think I should be shot and put out of my misery because you're probably right. Not like the world is going to collapse without me. It's funny because why would someone like me bother living if he's just a waste of skin. I have no intelligence, no potential, no motivation, I'm a horrible person, I'm dull as fuck, I got not talent, I'm ugly, I got no skills, everything I need to make it in life I have none of it. If it weren't for me being such a coward I wouldn't even be writing this God forsaken entry. If you catch my drift.The breakup with Lesley has completely fucked me up in the sense of I've become anti-female. I can't talk to females, hang out with females, hit on females, kiss females, fuck females. I just have no interest in them. The only exception of course is Lesley. Now don't be confused I'm not turning gay, I am straight. Abstinence though has seem to be my new life choice, once again with the exception of Lesley. I'm just sick with dating, sick of the whole scene all together. Relationships can go fuck themselves off a bridge!Goal: Move out and work until I die.Feeling: I'm going to die before I'm 30.Regrets: My mind is a fucking knot of everything that's negative and I can't fix myself. All I know how to do is pull the knot tighter.Love: LesleyHate: MyselfIndulgence: AlcoholWhat's wrong with you?: I don't know who I am..............I don't know who I am.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

72 Strawberries and 1 Blueberry

1 strawberry, 2 strawberries, 3 strawberries, 4 strawberries, 5 strawberries, 6 strawberries, 7 strawberries, 8 strawberries, 9 strawberries, 10 strawberries, 11 strawberries, 12 strawberries, 13 strawberries, 14 strawberries, 15 strawberries, 16 strawberries, 17 strawberries, 18 strawberries, 19 strawberries, 20 strawberries, 21 strawberries, 22 strawberries, 23 strawberries, 24 strawberries, 25 strawberries, 26 strawberries, 27 strawberries, 28 strawberries, 29 strawberries, 30 strawberries, 31 strawberries, 32 strawberries, 33 strawberries, 34 strawberries, 35 strawberries, 36 strawberries, 37 strawberries, 38 strawberries, 39 strawberries, 40 strawberries, 41 strawberries, 42 strawberries, 43 strawberries, 44 strawberries, 45 strawberries, 46 strawberries, 47 strawberries, 48 strawberries, 49 strawberries, 50 strawberries, 51 strawberries, 52 strawberries, 53 strawberries, 54 strawberries, 1 blueberry, 55 strawberries, 56 strawberries, 57 strawberries, 58 strawberries, 59 strawberries, 60 strawberries, 61 strawberries, 62 strawberries, 63 strawberries, 64 strawberries, 65 strawberries, 66 strawberries, 67 strawberries, 68 strawberries, 69 strawberries, 70 strawberries, 71 strawberries, 72 strawberries.

1 strawberry, 2 strawberries, 3 strawberries, 4 strawberries, 5 strawberries, 6 strawberries, 7 strawberries, 8 strawberries, 9 strawberries, 10 strawberries, 11 strawberries, 12 strawberries, 13 strawberries, 14 strawberries, 15 strawberries, 16 strawberries, 17 strawberries, 18 strawberries, 19 strawberries, 20 strawberries, 21 strawberries, 22 strawberries, 23 strawberries, 24 strawberries, 25 strawberries, 26 strawberries, 27 strawberries, 28 strawberries, 29 strawberries, 30 strawberries, 31 strawberries, 32 strawberries, 33 strawberries, 34 strawberries, 35 strawberries, 36 strawberries, 37 strawberries, 38 strawberries, 39 strawberries, 40 strawberries, 41 strawberries, 42 strawberries, 43 strawberries, 44 strawberries, 45 strawberries, 46 strawberries, 47 strawberries, 48 strawberries, 49 strawberries, 50 strawberries, 51 strawberries, 52 strawberries, 53 strawberries, 54 strawberries, 1 blueberry, 55 strawberries, 56 strawberries, 57 strawberries, 58 strawberries, 59 strawberries, 60 strawberries, 61 strawberries, 62 strawberries, 63 strawberries, 64 strawberries, 65 strawberries, 66 strawberries, 67 strawberries, 68 strawberries, 69 strawberries, 70 strawberries, 71 strawberries, 72 strawberries.

Pregnant Teenagers Bow to the Guillotine

You know what I really hate? Pregnant teenage girls that are 13-16 years old. I'm not sure what it is but they really piss me off! When I see one I just want to take a bat, take a running head start and bash their stupid fucking head in! I think it's their attitude where they think they're fucking special because they're knocked up or they act like life is going to be so much better because they're going to be a mommy, oOoOoO fucking hurrah....stupid sluts! They're just so fucking naive it drives me bonkers! The ones that think having a kid is going to be like playing with dolls make me want to fry my dick on an oven burner! Like dolls eh. Well if it's like dolls then maybe you can give birth to a dollhouse, so you have a place to stay and for your kid's 16th birthday possibly you could give birth to a new, shiny fucking convertible! You know what that's called? BULLSHIT! Pregnant teens I got two words for you, "social services". Awww, you don't like that. Then how about a 3 syllable word, a-bor-tion. That's right, I hope you all get syphilis and DIE! You know what I really hate? Pregnant teenage girls that are 13-16 years old. I'm not sure what it is but they really piss me off! When I see one I just want to take a bat, take a running head start and bash their stupid fucking head in! I think it's their attitude where they think they're fucking special because they're knocked up or they act like life is going to be so much better because they're going to be a mommy, oOoOoO fucking hurrah....stupid sluts! They're just so fucking naive it drives me bonkers! The ones that think having a kid is going to be like playing with dolls make me want to fry my dick on an oven burner! Like dolls eh. Well if it's like dolls then maybe you can give birth to a dollhouse, so you have a place to stay and for your kid's 16th birthday possibly you could give birth to a new, shiny fucking convertible! You know what that's called? BULLSHIT! Pregnant teens I got two words for you, "social services". Awww, you don't like that. Then how about a 3 syllable word, a-bor-tion. That's right, I hope you all get syphilis and DIE!

Monday, October 18, 2004

Hemorrhage

Anybody find it ironic that Jesus "the carpenter" got his hands and feet impaled with nails and died on a wooden cross? Isn't that fucking hilarious? No? But the irony, what about the irony? Won't you think about the irony?



You can't hug your children with nuclear arms but I can with my pedophile arms.



If I die I better be a vampire, a ghost, a fucking zombie at least something. I can't fathom the fact that when I die I just won't exist anymore. If there is a Heaven and Hell well that sucks. Hmmm, go to Heaven and suck God's dick for eternity or go to Hell and suck Satan's dick for eternity. Ooo, the choices. Fuck that. Vampire or ghost though that be awesome-o if I had to be a zombie I guess that's alright but I better not be a stupid fucking Sesame Street zombie. Count the apples, zombie Brad. Ughn, ughn, ughn, ughn, ughn. That's right zombie Brad 5 apples. AHHHH! MY FLESH! HE'S EATING MY FLESH! AHHHHHH!



Why do I get the feeling that I'm not going to make it into my 30's? If that happens I guess I won't have to worry about getting an old, wrinkly penis. No one likes to eat a cooked hot dog that's been in the pot of water too long. If you get my drift.



I molested myself 3 times today. Boredom is going to stop giving me strokes and give me a heart attack one day I know it.



I HATE WINTER!



How do you like your eggs? Fertilized in a dead female.



I wonder what placenta tastes like. I bet all it needs is some Montreal steak spice. Mmmm.



If I got a good paying job, moved out, be responsible and more mature then I would ask Lesley out again. I have to. If I had the opportunity to be in a good position to be with her and didn't take advantage of it, it would eat away at me. I would have to try one more time, a second time to be with her, because I would need to know if we were meant to be or not. If I was working, living on my own, if my head and life were together and going all in the same positive direction and Lesley says no when I ask her out, then I know it wasn't meant to be. I just can't settle with one time with her. I need one more shot with her before I can finally let go completely and move on. Because if I never try then I am always going to be stuck in the past. I'll never be able to move on. Right now, my heart is dead, so that explains why I feel nonexistent. If Lesley says no if I ever ask her out again or if we do date and it ends then at least I got my second chance and I can leave my dead heart behind and finally grow a new one. I don't want someone else to revive a heart that was for Lesley. I'll grow a new one and start over. Anybody find it ironic that Jesus "the carpenter" got his hands and feet impaled with nails and died on a wooden cross? Isn't that fucking hilarious? No? But the irony, what about the irony? Won't you think about the irony?You can't hug your children with nuclear arms but I can with my pedophile arms.If I die I better be a vampire, a ghost, a fucking zombie at least something. I can't fathom the fact that when I die I just won't exist anymore. If there is a Heaven and Hell well that sucks. Hmmm, go to Heaven and suck God's dick for eternity or go to Hell and suck Satan's dick for eternity. Ooo, the choices. Fuck that. Vampire or ghost though that be awesome-o if I had to be a zombie I guess that's alright but I better not be a stupid fucking Sesame Street zombie. Count the apples, zombie Brad. Ughn, ughn, ughn, ughn, ughn. That's right zombie Brad 5 apples. AHHHH! MY FLESH! HE'S EATING MY FLESH! AHHHHHH!Why do I get the feeling that I'm not going to make it into my 30's? If that happens I guess I won't have to worry about getting an old, wrinkly penis. No one likes to eat a cooked hot dog that's been in the pot of water too long. If you get my drift.I molested myself 3 times today. Boredom is going to stop giving me strokes and give me a heart attack one day I know it.I HATE WINTER!How do you like your eggs? Fertilized in a dead female.I wonder what placenta tastes like. I bet all it needs is some Montreal steak spice. Mmmm.If I got a good paying job, moved out, be responsible and more mature then I would ask Lesley out again. I have to. If I had the opportunity to be in a good position to be with her and didn't take advantage of it, it would eat away at me. I would have to try one more time, a second time to be with her, because I would need to know if we were meant to be or not. If I was working, living on my own, if my head and life were together and going all in the same positive direction and Lesley says no when I ask her out, then I know it wasn't meant to be. I just can't settle with one time with her. I need one more shot with her before I can finally let go completely and move on. Because if I never try then I am always going to be stuck in the past. I'll never be able to move on. Right now, my heart is dead, so that explains why I feel nonexistent. If Lesley says no if I ever ask her out again or if we do date and it ends then at least I got my second chance and I can leave my dead heart behind and finally grow a new one. I don't want someone else to revive a heart that was for Lesley. I'll grow a new one and start over.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Tripping On Memory Lane Today I sat in my room, listened to music and reminisced. I was really happy with Lesley, everyday with her was the best day of my life. I guess that's why I haven't been taking the breakup so well because there are so many good memories, so many memories that haunt me. Fatal reminders of what I lost.



I must admit I have been reminiscing pretty bad lately. I remember all the times I drove to see Lesley in the winter time. The cold nights where we would meet at Sanctuary or when I use to drive to her house and hang out with her before I had to work. I remember, *sigh*. I remember how she would pout and ask me to call in sick so she could be with me longer. I remember how happy she was when I stayed and how sad she was when I left. I remember the day of the car accident and how she comforted me and after when I took her home I slipped on some ice on her driveway and fell. I remember when I lied there she ran to me, jumped on me and started kissing me. I remember when she bought those disgusting liquor chocolates and how she made me eat the blue and gold ones. UGH! They were fucking sick. I remember when she told me if I ate the blue ones she would fuck me, that was a good day. I remember watching her rugby games, watching her kill people. I remember nights she would sleep over and in the morning I would drive her to school. I remember staying nights over at her house and taking her to school every morning. I remember when she went to my hockey games and how she laughed when I hit the boards, smashed my knees and I couldn't get up. I remember the play fighting, the sex, the laughing, the erotic pain, the sarcasm...everything. There's just so much to reminisce about so many good things that it makes me sad because I am no longer with Lesley. There are many other memories I have but I can't write about them anymore because it has become upsetting. I know I'm being a girl blah, blah, blah. I still can't believe Lesley and I are over, even Leanna thought me and Lesley would be together forever but I guess some things are not meant to be. The only thing that's keeping me from a complete mental breakdown is that I know if it wasn't September 18th, 2004 it would of been another day she would of left me. I know this because I have no plans in life I'm just going to be a low-payed working loser, maybe not even. I know I could never be what Lesley wants so her leaving me was a good thing. Do I wish I could be everything Lesley needs/wants? Yes, but I won't change my lifestyle so I know her leaving me was for the best. I just miss being with her, I miss her saying she loves me. I hide it a little better now, but I still love Lesley as much as the first day I fell in love with her. Too add on to the pain that day I slept with Melissa has been really getting to me lately I just about smashed my mirror today. I've tried to ignore it, I've tried to push it away, pretend it never happened but I can't do it. I'm always going to hate myself, never forgive myself for what I did. My stupid action is always going to torment me and I know when I die that day is still going to cut me. I hate the person I am and I don't know why I get depressed about it when I don't even try bettering myself. Hello, my name is Pathetik.



I have noticed a change in me, a hormonal change. I still get horny as fuck but I don't have the urge to fuck anyone. It's like ok I'm horny I'll just touch myself and that's that. Sex doesn't really appeal to me anymore, of course if Lesley wants to have sex with me I'll agree because well it's Lesley. I am always going to have a weak spot for her. If it's not sex with Lesley then I don't want it. If my mind ever changes and I want to sleep with someone else I won't because this is how I'm going to punish myself for sleeping with Melissa. In other words when Lesley decides she doesn't want to touch me anymore that's it for me, no more physical pleasure of any kind. It's the only way I will feel better about myself. The only way.

Scattered Seeds that Refuse to Grow Sometimes I wonder why I even bother. I have no expectations, nothing to prove, no goals, no motivation, no reason to live. Life has nothing to offer me to make me smile, so why stay? It seems the only reason I live is just for the sake of because. I don't like working but if I don't work then I get kicked out and how pathetic is it that I don't really care if I do get kicked out? I'm not working right now and I barely job search. I'm hopeless because I know if I do get a job I'll probably end up quitting within a month anyway, so what's the point of looking? The odd thing is that, if I think this way then why don't I just kill myself? And the reason for that is because I'm a coward. Everyday I'm waiting for something bad to happen to me though like a heart attack, liver failure, a stroke, a deadly disease, get shot, get hit by a car. Just anything/something to do the dirty work for me. I find life boring, repetitive, not all that great. Sure there are a few things I enjoy like hockey, music, sex, Halloween and alcohol but nothing I would stay alive for. I live because my clock hasn't struck twelve yet. I'm just waiting for my hourglass to run empty. If I were to die right now I wouldn't miss anything, what would be the point? It's not going to change anything. I can honestly say besides the 9 months with Lesley my whole life has been a big waste of time. The question I'm trying to answer now is since Lesley dumped me would those 9 months be considered a waste a time? I'm not sure I would like to think not, but everyday the past with her haunts me, it hurts me, kills me, taunts me, depresses me. It's the only time I was honestly happy where living meant something. The downfall of the relationship was kind of the final straw. I'm tired of trying to better myself, to be happy, to have fun, to do anything of anything. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I feel like that kid in gym class that participates but doesn't try.

My life is miserable because I'm an ugly person and that makes me pathetic because I won't try to change. I will never change.

Monday, October 11, 2004

International House of Clit Pumps I use to have a 2 inch penis but with my trusty industrial cock pump I am now a whopping 7 inches. Maybe I will actually be able to lose my virginity now. I wonder if there is such thing as a clit pump. Hmmm.



I'm still jobless. Oooo the excitement.



I HATE CANADIAN TIRE COMMERCIALS SO MUCH! First it's the guy, then he gets a wife, then kids, then friends. IT'S THE FUCKING BLOB! IT CAN'T BE STOPPED! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!



Some people think that I'll fuck any girl that's not true. I do have some standards, I am picky. I won't fuck any girl that weighs more than me and I won't fuck any girl that doesn't have all her limbs. Nothing is worse when you're fucking but the whole time you're worried/waiting for her to try and devour you and/or when you're fucking a girl and you lift up one leg and then you go to reach for the other one but she's missing that key right leg, you lose your balance and end up falling off the bed. A total moment killer. I always wanted to get a job in an insane asylum and fuck all the crazy chicks that be so hot. Ooops, I just prematured in my pants.



My friend Kelly just told me the wierdest thing:



"u're the wierdest guy i know... and probably not for reasons u would think



i mean that you try to hide your maturity with immaturity... usually people try to hide their immaturity with fake maturity"



Odd, very odd I say. Meh.



I MISS HOT SEX!!!

Sunday, October 10, 2004

Vacant and Vulnerable

Well I got Lesley to tell me the secret and all it took was a bottle of wine. Sexy Vampire wine it was. The secret was she let a guy make it to 2 base with her, that's all. I thought it be a little more erotic but oh well, maybe next time, right? Meh.



Sometimes when I orgasm I think I'm having a heart attack. If I have a heart attack I wonder if I'll mistake it for an orgasm. Messed up shit, but really neat at the same time.



I miss my hair I am so unpretty without my hair. I look like a military bitch or something, so depressing. I think that's why I haven't felt so sociable lately because I'm a little self-conscience about my buzzed head. My hair is my power. It makes me feel pretty, persuasive, seductive. Now I just feel like Caillou's older brother, fucking retarded.



I'm not a whore I'm just convenient.



ALCOHOL! I MISS YOU! I mean I don't have a problem. Sure I'll babysit your alcohol. Oh, babysit your kid, yeah that's what I meant.



This is for all the people out there. If the condom breaks during ejaculation, know that I am laughing my ass off. Super, alright. An ex-boyfriend that's all I am. I wanted to be something more, someone special but the fact is I'm not. It doesn't matter who's fault it was why we're apart. Because no matter who's fault it is it doesn't change the fact that I'm just another ex-boyfriend. AN EX-BOYFRIEND WITH BENEFITS, RIGHT ON!

Saturday, October 09, 2004

Not Quite A Nightmare One day I was eating and a few days later I got food poisoning. Don't worry though because I washed it all down with some water poisoning. Double negatives are always positive outcomes. Actually I'm dying so I would just like to say thank you to all the girls that let me touch them. You gals are neat, just really neat.



My grandma died so we had to burn her alive.



People just because I say unprotected sex is wrong but I do it anyway doesn't mean I'm a hippoclit. You people probably don't even know what a hippoclit is. You bunch of fucking retards! Yeah, you know what? Eat a waffle.



I'm thinking I'm going to go Clockwork Orange style for Halloween this year but maybe not because I'm having a little problem. I only have 60 bucks and I'm not sure if I can stop myself from blowing it on stupid shit like fast food or alcohol before Halloween arrives. If I do end up not wasting it away I still don't know what to do. Either I can spend all my money for my costume or just be my natural freaky self and get drunk on Halloween. I know I shouldn't need alcohol to have fun, but I feel like I do need alcohol because well I think I'm addicted to it. I don't know what it is I always have this feeling where I need to be wasted. Maybe I'm like that because it helps me escape reality, it helps me forget about all the problems I have. Well until I sober up that is. I want to use all my money for my costume that is for sure I just have to control myself and push the sexy thought of alcohol out of my head. I'm going to go with an 80% chance that I will use my money for my costume. I might be sober this Halloween but I'll be sexy as fuck.



ALABASTARD!



If you want to know why old ladies smell so bad of perfume like they bathed in it or something it's because they're trying to hide the smell of their skin rot. True story no bullshit. That's why old men smell like rot because they just don't care. Masturbation gave me distemper.



I miss my XBOX, but I had to sell it so I could pay for my roller hockey. Sometimes I wish I hated sports. Oh well, shit happens.



If anyone has seen my potential running around could you please return it to me, thank you.



Today when I was on the bus I saw two dogs fucking in the backseat of some guy's car it was fucking hilarious. The dog was humping the other dog like he needed to be somewhere it was fucking gut-wrenching hilarity. Hump, hump, hump, hump.........I'm sex deprived, I'm sad. Now, how many of you people can say you saw two dogs fucking in the backseat of a car? You and your trampy-ass girlfriend don't count. No, I don't care how much she smells or looks like a dog it still doesn't count.



When gay guys would kiss I didn't know they were being affectionate I just thought that's how they fought. Odd.



My sister is moving away on Wednesday forever and I'm so happy I could get drunk. Mmmmm, alcohol... I have a problem.



Is it necrophilia if a zombie fucks you?



I'm a fucking headcase. No, headcase not suitcase you dumb twat! Stupid fucking Bipolar, all I can say it DAMN IT! And no, Bipolar is a mental disease it has nothing to do with polar bears. I know that caught me by surprise too.



Am I pretty?

Friday, October 08, 2004

Fistapopolis

Die, grocery store die! I bought a package of frozen shrimp because I couldn't find any sea-monkeys, right. Anyway I opened the package up and poured the frozen shrimp into a warm bowl of water to thaw them. When the shrimp thawed I stared and waited for them to start scurrying about, after 30 minutes of straight staring I realized that they were dead. What the fuck?! I spend my hard earned/stolen money and I get a bag of dead shrimp! This is bullshit! Screamus! Go get my rocket launcher we're going to go blow something up! Screamus is my pet turtle. Best shrimp ever! My white fucking plastic ass!



Here is the proper way to kill a homosexual, listen carefully. Duct tape a brick to the top of your foot of your kicking leg and your set. Oh yeah make sure you own a gun you'll need it. This is what you do. Shoot him in the leg and when he falls to his knees football kick him in the face with your brick foot and when he lies there dead and bleeding make sure you rob him. No one likes working for free you know. Volunteering is for queers.



I got a GST cheque today that means I will be able to get drunk for Halloween after all. Jesus must love me. O GOD! I'm frightened! I better get that gun and brick ready just in case he starts to get his freak on.



I sold my XBOX, 2 controllers and the DVD extension for 85 bucks to Lesley so I could pay for my roller hockey. Is it bad that I'm not a materialistic person? I just don't seem to care about material goods. It just seems to be junk to me after awhile. Oh well, fuck if I care. Right on.



I got two job interviews tomorrow. One at Spencer Gifts and the other at Sport Mart. So hopefully one of those fuckers hire me because I'm tired of being broke. I hate working but not having money is worse. I'm kind of hoping Spencer Gifts hires me because well it's the coolest store in the world, but Sport Mart won't be bad either because well sports are great. I'm athletic, shut up!



Right now I'm fighting with Lesley about her telling me a secret she said she has. She said she would tell me tomorrow but I'm impatient so I'm trying to buy her off with an Alice in Wonderland DVD if she tells me now. I shall tell you how the negotiating went. I'm thinking it's going to go pretty good because I am a Leo and Leos are known for their persuasiveness.



If you can't fuck it, fist it. Die, grocery store die! I bought a package of frozen shrimp because I couldn't find any sea-monkeys, right. Anyway I opened the package up and poured the frozen shrimp into a warm bowl of water to thaw them. When the shrimp thawed I stared and waited for them to start scurrying about, after 30 minutes of straight staring I realized that they were dead. What the fuck?! I spend my hard earned/stolen money and I get a bag of dead shrimp! This is bullshit! Screamus! Go get my rocket launcher we're going to go blow something up! Screamus is my pet turtle. Best shrimp ever! My white fucking plastic ass!Here is the proper way to kill a homosexual, listen carefully. Duct tape a brick to the top of your foot of your kicking leg and your set. Oh yeah make sure you own a gun you'll need it. This is what you do. Shoot him in the leg and when he falls to his knees football kick him in the face with your brick foot and when he lies there dead and bleeding make sure you rob him. No one likes working for free you know. Volunteering is for queers.I got a GST cheque today that means I will be able to get drunk for Halloween after all. Jesus must love me. O GOD! I'm frightened! I better get that gun and brick ready just in case he starts to get his freak on.I sold my XBOX, 2 controllers and the DVD extension for 85 bucks to Lesley so I could pay for my roller hockey. Is it bad that I'm not a materialistic person? I just don't seem to care about material goods. It just seems to be junk to me after awhile. Oh well, fuck if I care. Right on.I got two job interviews tomorrow. One at Spencer Gifts and the other at Sport Mart. So hopefully one of those fuckers hire me because I'm tired of being broke. I hate working but not having money is worse. I'm kind of hoping Spencer Gifts hires me because well it's the coolest store in the world, but Sport Mart won't be bad either because well sports are great. I'm athletic, shut up!Right now I'm fighting with Lesley about her telling me a secret she said she has. She said she would tell me tomorrow but I'm impatient so I'm trying to buy her off with an Alice in Wonderland DVD if she tells me now. I shall tell you how the negotiating went. I'm thinking it's going to go pretty good because I am a Leo and Leos are known for their persuasiveness.If you can't fuck it, fist it.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Straightjacket Slurs

I AM FUCKING TIRED OF THIS! Everybody is like where’s Popsicle Pete? Where’s Popsicle Pete? You want to know where Popsicle Pete is? I’ll tell you. Popsicle Pete is dead that’s right. I ate his purple popsicle flesh and let me tell you it was so delicious it was like my mouth had its own personal orgasm control and it was set on cruise control. Popsicle Pete in other words is bound in a log of my shit that’s probably floating in the sewer as I speak, not unless some rats ate it. NOW FUCK OFF! GO READ A BOOK OR SOMETHING! FUCK A MIDGET! FUCK YOURSELF! JUST FUCK OFF!



I bought a ticket to see Cradle of Filth, aren’t you jealous? You better be it beats your stupid fucking ticket to go see Slayer. OoOoOo Slayer, fuck off! You all suck and you know it so do something useful and try out new, creative ways to die because your whole family hates you and your dog won’t even hump your leg. That’s right you’re all fat, ugly and nobody loves you. If it was up to me though I’d lock all you ugly people in a big room and make you have an ugly people orgy because I enjoy watching tragic, disturbing things. Don’t yell at me. Don’t be jealous I’m beautiful. It’s not my fault the sperm and egg I came from was perfect. Kind of weird though that they came from ugly people I guess that means I am the perfection of you. Let us hold hands, dance, flirt and fuck because well let’s face it, it’s a lot better than masturbation or is it? My penis is a soda fountain.



Here is some valuable information to people who are curious to fuck a French person because they heard they’re easy. That is a lie they are not easy. The person who said that nonsense probably fucked a mannequin in France or whatever other country French people are assembled in. I tried fucking a French chick once and she let me poke her once and then made me stop. I was so mad but it wasn’t that bad because later on I found out she had hairy nipples. The French suck and not in the way we would like them to.



Have you ever-wondered how far a hamster would fly if you shot it out of a potato cannon? I have and I would test that if I had the money to buy a hamster and the motivation to build a cannon, but I don’t so if you people have done it or know someone who has, let me know. The Hamster Cannon 4000, sounds really catchy don’t it? Catchy like STDs. I don’t have crabs that’s crazy talk I have lobsters. Go down on me and eat my seafood this instant!



BEEP!



Guys if you ever wanted to say the sweetest thing to a girl so you could get some free sex but couldn’t think of anything, well today is your lucky day. This is what you do. Have you and your girl sit on a couch, look into her eyes and with a cute but not too cute baby voice ask her if she wants to cUdDlEfUcK. It’s a guarantee you will get some sex, some sweet, naughty sex. If she says no then rape her it’s what Jesus would of done. I don’t care who it is a guy can only go without sex for so long, before he snaps.



I have major issues with hormones all I want to do is fuck. It’s all I think about. I’m 21 and I’ve only slept with 10 technically 12 people, but I'm just going to say 12 because it makes me sound like a super whore. Sure 12 people that seems a lot to some but to me that doesn’t seem enough, not even close. 12 people and no kids everyone fuck me with your envy. Before I die I want to have fucked 30 people that sounds like a good wholesome number. Mmmmm……Hot sex!



Who the hell has kids on purpose nowadays? I mean I bet everyone who got pregnant didn’t want to be but they’re against abortion so they decided to keep it, even though the daddy left because he’s a fucking genius. The only girls I think that might have kids actually on purpose are sluts, whores, bags, hags, skanks and my personal favourite....easy bitches.



This is Bill Walters signing off.

Have a super, naked day everybody.



Note: My real name isn’t Bill or Walters and I don’t want you to have a super, naked day. I WANT YOU ALL TO DIE! I AM FUCKING TIRED OF THIS! Everybody is like where’s Popsicle Pete? Where’s Popsicle Pete? You want to know where Popsicle Pete is? I’ll tell you. Popsicle Pete is dead that’s right. I ate his purple popsicle flesh and let me tell you it was so delicious it was like my mouth had its own personal orgasm control and it was set on cruise control. Popsicle Pete in other words is bound in a log of my shit that’s probably floating in the sewer as I speak, not unless some rats ate it. NOW FUCK OFF! GO READ A BOOK OR SOMETHING! FUCK A MIDGET! FUCK YOURSELF! JUST FUCK OFF!I bought a ticket to see Cradle of Filth, aren’t you jealous? You better be it beats your stupid fucking ticket to go see Slayer. OoOoOo Slayer, fuck off! You all suck and you know it so do something useful and try out new, creative ways to die because your whole family hates you and your dog won’t even hump your leg. That’s right you’re all fat, ugly and nobody loves you. If it was up to me though I’d lock all you ugly people in a big room and make you have an ugly people orgy because I enjoy watching tragic, disturbing things. Don’t yell at me. Don’t be jealous I’m beautiful. It’s not my fault the sperm and egg I came from was perfect. Kind of weird though that they came from ugly people I guess that means I am the perfection of you. Let us hold hands, dance, flirt and fuck because well let’s face it, it’s a lot better than masturbation or is it? My penis is a soda fountain.Here is some valuable information to people who are curious to fuck a French person because they heard they’re easy. That is a lie they are not easy. The person who said that nonsense probably fucked a mannequin in France or whatever other country French people are assembled in. I tried fucking a French chick once and she let me poke her once and then made me stop. I was so mad but it wasn’t that bad because later on I found out she had hairy nipples. The French suck and not in the way we would like them to.Have you ever-wondered how far a hamster would fly if you shot it out of a potato cannon? I have and I would test that if I had the money to buy a hamster and the motivation to build a cannon, but I don’t so if you people have done it or know someone who has, let me know. The Hamster Cannon 4000, sounds really catchy don’t it? Catchy like STDs. I don’t have crabs that’s crazy talk I have lobsters. Go down on me and eat my seafood this instant!BEEP!Guys if you ever wanted to say the sweetest thing to a girl so you could get some free sex but couldn’t think of anything, well today is your lucky day. This is what you do. Have you and your girl sit on a couch, look into her eyes and with a cute but not too cute baby voice ask her if she wants to cUdDlEfUcK. It’s a guarantee you will get some sex, some sweet, naughty sex. If she says no then rape her it’s what Jesus would of done. I don’t care who it is a guy can only go without sex for so long, before he snaps.I have major issues with hormones all I want to do is fuck. It’s all I think about. I’m 21 and I’ve only slept with 10 technically 12 people, but I'm just going to say 12 because it makes me sound like a super whore. Sure 12 people that seems a lot to some but to me that doesn’t seem enough, not even close. 12 people and no kids everyone fuck me with your envy. Before I die I want to have fucked 30 people that sounds like a good wholesome number. Mmmmm……Hot sex!Who the hell has kids on purpose nowadays? I mean I bet everyone who got pregnant didn’t want to be but they’re against abortion so they decided to keep it, even though the daddy left because he’s a fucking genius. The only girls I think that might have kids actually on purpose are sluts, whores, bags, hags, skanks and my personal favourite....easy bitches.This is Bill Walters signing off.Have a super, naked day everybody.Note: My real name isn’t Bill or Walters and I don’t want you to have a super, naked day. I WANT YOU ALL TO DIE!

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Potent Failure Change of plans. I have decided not to go to college I am just going to work and be cool. The reason why I have decided not go to college is because there is just more shit than I thought I needed to do. I understood that I had to get my transcripts to see if my grades were good enough and that if I needed to upgrade that be fine. I understood the course was 4 years and close to $20 000 but that didn't bother me because I'd just get a student loan and if that failed my dad would help me. The problem is, is that I did some more research about the course and I have to do an aptitude and proficiency test and pass with a 65% or more, I also have to show my computer and keyboarding skills and I need a portfolio of 3 works of about 250-500 words for each work. Then when I get that all done the college picks the best people they want. All I can say is that is brutal! This course is too complex for my feeble mind I'm just going to say fuck it. I'll be one of those guys that's 65 years old and still has to work, those guys are funny. The only thing that is going to really bother me about not getting a life is that it means I failed to prove to Lesley that I love her. It hurts knowing I failed, but that's what I have to live with, no one else. Not going to college isn't the end of the world there's always the military, right? Haha! Military what a joke. 2 years later I'm in a uniform, FUCK! ~It's easier to fail than to succeed~

Letting Beauty Go LET THE GAMES BEGIN! When I say that I mean I am going to write stuff so yeah.....um sorry if I got you all excited for nothing. What can I say I'm a prick. SUCK MY DICK! See what I mean?



I have decided to let go of Lesley because well I tried the holding on thing but I didn't accomplish much with that. Not unless you count lots of crying, suicidal thoughts, being angry all the time, having no motivation to do anything and I'm sure I drank myself a new liver. I said drank myself a new liver it doesn't mean it's better. Matter of fact I'm willing to bet my whole dust bunny farm underneath my dresser that my liver is probably quite fucked up. I just can't handle holding on and feeling like shit. It's kicking the crap out of me so I've decided to go with option two and if that fails well then I guess I could scrape off the dust and moths off my old prositute outfit and go fuck anything that moves. Hey look my left hand is moving. I started letting go two days ago and already I feel better. Hopefully it keeps this way.



Now don't be confused with the terms letting go. I am still going to hang out with Lesley I'm just not going to wait for her to take me back any more. If we are suppose to be together then we will, but I can't put my life on hold and wait for that to happen. I actually want to do something with my life and not be the next superstar for the sequel to the "The Littlest Hobo". That's right it's the show about the homeless dog, but this time it'll be a human, me. The show wouldn't get good ratings that's for sure because well fuck I'm homeless where do I need to go? I'll just sit in my street corner and beg for money then give my cup money to someone and tell them to go buy me food. Laziest bum ever. Letting go will be good to because that means if Lesley flirts, makes out, sleeps with other guys I won't get all jealous and upset. Don't get me wrong though I love Lesley, I love her so fucking much but sometimes the hardest decisions are the right ones.



There's only one problem I have about letting go and that is I am worried that some where down the road my love for Lesley might disappear. I have my doubts it will fade but it still gives me the creeps. It's a risk I have to take though because I have to get her out of my head. I need to focus on my life for once and not just Lesley. I have to do something for me. I want to get everything sorted out for school and actually see what I am capable of. I don't give myself enough credit with anything and I'm pretty sure I'm pretty smart. I AM PRETTY SURE I'M PRETTY. I just want to try, push myself and see what I can do. I want to try and fail, better yet I want to try and make it. Today I am going to get my transcript thing sorted out and then I'll take it from there. For the record if I go to school and I pass, if I have a career the first thing I'm going for is Lesley. I want to be with her there's no doubt in my mind this is a test I know it. I actually have to work for something I just can't get things handed to me. If I love Lesley as much as I say then I will prove it by bettering myself for me. When my life is sorted, when I have a career, when everything seems and feels right I'm going to find Lesley and ask her to be with me and if she says no it will hurt but at least I did something with my life. At least I will be quite the bachelor and I know somebody would love to be with me. In the end everything will work out one way or another.



I bought my Cradle of Filth ticket the other day, I'm so fucking excited just like a japanese school girl getting fucked by her substitute teacher. THAT EXCITED! It's going to be core and if I die after I see the concert who cares my life is complete, well not really but at least I saw CRADLE OF FILTH!



I was hanging out with Lesley and a couple of other guys one day and when I saw her flirting with one of them I started getting upset and I wanted to leave just seeing that kills because it's a brutal reminder that we're over. The worst part is that I felt used because Lesley still kisses me and stuff so I feel like my worth is worthless. I know she's single and can do whatever she wants but if that's the way she's going to be then that's fine. I would rather her just not touch me. Mutual, non-touching friends I think would be better for me. I'm a girl I know....SHUT THE HELL UP! When she touches other people and I see it or hear of it, it doesn't feel like a day at the carnival at all. Then I got thinking, what the fuck am I doing? Before I met Lesley I was a toy, which is a nice word for whore but I won't elaborate any more on that. I was the pretty Goth kid that girls wanted to touch or fuck so I let them. I was the special toy it seemed and it wasn't that bad. I had no emotions so I never got hurt, some girls had boyfriends at the time but that's not important, I broke a few hearts because they got attached to me and o0o0o0o0o0o toast is done. What was I saying again? Anyway what I'm trying to say is that if I'm going to feel/be treated like a toy in this situation I might as well act like it. I had a fun when I was a toy I don't know why I'm complaining now? Oh I know why because I LOVE LESLEY, it'll be harder to get use to but I know I will get use to to it. Note: I'm only going to be Lesley's toy, no one elses.



Ok, that's all for today. Now I am going to do something that I helped all your girlfriends with. I'm getting off. TatA!

Sunday, October 03, 2004