Cards Against Humanity believes that in American politics, cash is king. If you want to get anything done, you’ve got to buy your way in. That’s why this year, $2,414,337,089 was spent by 11,509 professional lobbyists trying to sell their bullshit to Congress.

Now Cards Against Humanity is getting into the game with the windfall profits from our Holiday Bullshit campaign, where 250,000 people paid us $15 each to send them ten mystery gifts during the month of December.

What kind of valuable bribes could we buy with one dollar from each of our Holiday Bullshit subscribers? Let’s find out.