Day One Hundred and Thirteen: The Aftermath

A/N: I don't actually have anything important to note. Uh...hi, how was your day?

The crack on the otter's forehead is getting worse. His smile, a curvy "W" that looks my bird tattoo flipped upside down, is happier than it has any business being. How can you be happy when you have your head squished on an hourly basis?

Regardless, I squeeze him again- always in the same spot- and take a deep breath. On the exhale, I loosen my grip. It helps...kinda.

"I need some time to myself. Is that okay?"

That was the last thing Elsa said to me before going silent and possibly invisible. I haven't seen or heard from her in four days, and I'm getting worried. Well, even more worried than I was before my confession.

I don't know what made me feel worse: the hurt look on Elsa's face when I told her about sleeping with her ex, or when I vomited my guts out in the toilet afterward. Either way, it's shit all around. The otter helps a little bit, though, but I feel like it'd help more if I didn't feel so guilty about Elsa giving it to me.

Being a bitch sucks.

I wish I knew a way to make it up to her aside from turning back time and undoing my mistake. Of course, knowing how to make it up to her would require her talking to me again.

Even though we've had these spells of silence before, this one feels different. Worse, I think. Maybe it's because I know I did something wrong this time. And I would never admit this to anybody, but in some odd way, it feels like I cheated on Elsa. Which might explain why I want to make this up to her so bad.

"Hey new girl, we need you back up here!"

I roll my eyes before peeking around the corner and giving my manager a bright and cutesy smile. "Coming!" I exclaim. It's been weeks, and she still hasn't bothered to learn my name. I hate this place sometimes, but it gets me out of the room so whatever.

I put Wilhelm (yes, I named the otter) back into my locker and tie my apron back on. Time to fake being happy.

Have I ever mentioned that I hate the smell of onions? Because I do. I really do.

Thankfully my shift is over, and so is my ten-minute trek back to Arendelle Towers. Once I get back into my room, I begin my nightly ritual of washing the diner smell off of me, grabbing my pint of ice cream from the freezer, and binge-watching whatever's on TV. Or at least I'm going to, but once I shower and change into my pajamas, I instead flop onto my bed.

Just for a moment, just so I can take a minute to relax and sink into the mattress. It's Monday, and sometimes Elsa will join me in my binge-watching fest on Mondays, but I don't think that's going to be the case right now.

Or maybe ever again.

It's the little things like that which I didn't appreciate until now. Watching TV, shit-talking the people below our nine-story window, finding four or five pints of ice cream in the freezer, the sigh I'd hear from her room that let me know she just finished writing a particularly difficult chapter.

I...what is this? Holy shit, do I miss her? Do I miss Elsa? Huh, who would have guessed that would happen. Anyway, it's not something I can dwell on right now. Not when the ice cream is beckoning for me just ten feet away. God, it'll feel so good to-

Knock knockknock knock knock.

Huh, haven't heard that in a while.

I'm thinking that I may have misheard it, or it's just my mind playing a trick on me, but then I hear a soft voice behind my door, "Anna?"

I haven't heard that in a while either. It feels...nice. To hear it.

My hesitation only lasts for a second- what if it's bad news?- before I pull myself out of my bed and walk to my door. It's okay, I tell myself, everything's okay. Everything has to be okay. Everything needs to be okay.

A part of my mind is still screaming at me to keep the door closed, but I tell it to fuck off and open the door anyway.

And it's her, it's Elsa, only four days older.

She's more...put-together than I thought she would be. Not that I was expecting her to look like a bum, but she looks fine. Her face is calm and spotless (that's a weird way to put it Anna, what the fuck), her hair is in a neatly combed ponytail, and she's got a baggy shirt on and pajama pants with one of the legs running up to her knee.

I know this look, this is her "just woke up from a nap" look.

It's such a hard tell on whether or not this is gonna be good or bad. My heart starts to race when I think about what she could say, and I can't help but shake the notion that it's bad. Even if the lazy smile she has says otherwise, it wouldn't be the first time she's hidden how she feels. Wow, okay now is not the time to be criticizing her, Anna.

I'm just nervous. Really fucking nervous.

"Hey," she says.

"Hey," I say right back to her, trying to keep myself calm and composed.

"Anna-" Nope, I can't do it.

"Elsa, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so so fucking sorry for sleeping with Aurora. And for ditching you, and for...god, just for everything! If I had known who she was, I never would have gone out with her in the first place. And if I could, I'd go back in time and not do it because just hearing what she did to you, and us, made me so sick. And goddamn I should have been here for you instead of getting drunk and breaking walls with sledgehammers, so please just don't leave. I promise I can make it up to you somehow, so please, please don't leave, Elsa. You can be mad at me forever if you want to, and that's fine, but-"

"Anna, I'm not mad at you. And I'm not leaving."

"But, er- I...uh, what? You're not leaving?"

She shakes her head.

"A-and you're not mad?"

She nods.

"How?"

"I never said I was," Elsa replies with an amused chuckle. "I told you that I needed time to myself, remember?"

I blink, "Well, y-yeah of course I remember, but I thought that meant…"

"That I was mad at you? I mean I guess I could see how you'd think that, but it wasn't the case." Elsa takes a second to tilt her head to get rid of a crick in her neck, "Anna, I never told you who she was or what she looked like- I didn't even say her name! How could I be mad at you for being with Aurora if you didn't even know who she was?"

I...uh...hmm.

"I just needed to be alone for a little bit. Hearing her name, especially in that context, after telling myself I was finally letting her go...it was a bit too much. I needed to sort myself out, and obviously talk to my therapist. That's all it was, really, you and I are fine."

Well, when she puts it like that, I guess it was pretty stupid that I was stressing out so much about it. And Elsa usually tells me how she's feeling, so I would have known if she was mad.

But I still feel guilty, and I need to do something about it.

I shake my head, "I-I still feel like a piece of shit anyway. There has to be something I can do to make this up to you."

Elsa's still smiling, it kinda feels like she might have expected this from me. She shakes her head, "There's really nothing for you to make up, believe me."

"No. Come on, Elsa. Whatever you want me to do, I'll do it. Just name it."

"Anna…"

"Please," I say a little too desperately, "I have to do this. I wanna make things right between us." Those words sound so off coming from me, maybe it's because I never thought I'd say them in a million years. Or it might be because, although I've thought them, I never said those words out loud until now. I don't do the whole pleading look, so I hope me looking at Elsa with sad eyes and my "Please buy this for me" frown are adequate enough.

Elsa looks like she's gonna say no again, but she stops herself and looks up like she's having an internal debate. After a second, she straightens her posture and nods, "Okay fine. Set me up with one of your friends."

…

Uh…

What?

"Wh-what?" Subconsciously, I take a small step back, "Did I just...did you just...what?"

Elsa shrugs, "You asked me for a way to make things right, and I'm giving it to you. I think it's only fair that I go out on a date with one of your friends after you slept with my ex-girlfriend."

"You- uh...seriously?" Holy shit, my heart is racing fast. I expected something like giving her money or letting her punch me in the face. Not...not this. Again, my brain is being overloaded by thoughts and words and stress, I'm surprised that I don't just throw up right then and there.

And Elsa is just standing there, not giving me anything. Just another shrug, and her continuing with her request, "Is Kristoff still seeing someone? How about Lilo? She's pretty cute, is she single?"

I genuinely cannot believe what I'm hearing. Elsa's never expressed any interest in dating anyone anymore, let alone one of my friends (I should probably hang out with Kristoff soon, it has been a while) so to hear this is baffling. It's seriously breaking my brain, like finding out your mom is a lesbian or something.

I have to say something, anything, just to keep my brain from frying and my heart from beating so fast it'll fly out of my chest. "Er, I- uh, huh?!" I say eloquently, "You wanna go out with Lilo? I-I mean if that's what you really want, I did say that I'd do anything. And I guess setting you up with one of my friends falls in that category, but I really wasn't expecting this. I mean I know she's mentioned that you were cute once so maybe I could probably talk to her about it, but I'm pretty sure she's straight. Plus she's home all the time and, I-"

She snickers. Elsa snickers.

"What? What's so funny?" Ah shit, did I forget to wear pants again?

"I'm joking, Anna!" she replies with the most wide-eyed, incredulous look on her face like I'm the crazy one.

My brain breaks some more. I stare at Elsa, mouth open like a broken nutcracker, trying to hold on for dear life on this emotional rollercoaster. "You're...what?"

She shakes her head, chuckling to herself, "You don't need to set me up with any of your friends. Although Lilo is cute, she's not my type."

"So you don't want me to ask her?"

"Nope, I just wanted to mess with you," she says with a cheeky fucking grin as she steps towards me and puts her hands on my shoulders. "You and I are just fine, trust me. There's nothing to make up for, there's no debt that you owe, the past is in the past."

"I…are you sure?"

"One hundred and ten percent sure. Now come on, it's Monday right? Lemme get the ice cream from the freezer." Elsa walks out of my room before I can say anything else.

She...she was joking. She was just messing with me. We're fine, more fine than we've probably ever been. We're about to watch TV and eat mint ice cream and everything will feel okay again. It's something that should be celebrated. There are no more conflicts, no more awkward conversations we need to have, no daunting days ahead of us.

Everything is fine, fucking fine.

Then why…

Why is my heart still racing?