[NOTE: In this comment, I'm a near-sighted Inkling about 5 1/2 feet tall.]



(Somewhere outside Inkopolis)



Me: Inkopolis News is almost on! Better get the lemonade ready!



(Living room; the TV is turned on)



Me: Here we go.



(Inkopolis News starts; a fight between Marie and Pearl is happening)



Marie: DON'T CALL ME A LETTUCE GRANDMA!!! LIME GREEN IS MY FAVORITE COLOR!!!



Pearl: DON'T CALL OUR FAN BASE THE SIZE OF MY FOREHEAD!!! WE'RE MORE POPULAR THAN YOU!!!



Marie: TAKE THIS!!!



(Marie runs toward Pearl to punch her in the face, only for Pearl to dodge Marie; the camera then breaks)



Me: WHAT THE FISH FINGERS???



(The screen switches to a Technical Difficulties picture)



Announcer: We're having technical difficulties with Inkopolis News. Please stand by. We'll be back to our show shortly. Thank you for your patience.



(TV is turned off)



Me: I'm going over there; I'll need someone to go with me.



(Clauds' house; Clauds is watching TV)



Clauds: WHAT THE FISH FINGERS??? WHAT HAPPENED???



(Clauds' phone rings)



Clauds: Hello?



Me: Hey, Clauds; are you watching TV right now?



Clauds: Yeah. Inkopolis News got cut off by a Technical Difficulties screen.



Me: I know where the studio is at; you want to come with me?



Clauds: Fine.



(Inkopolis)



Me: There's only two ways to get in: on the roof and in the back. I'll go in around back; you go in from the roof.



(Back entrance)



Me: Here goes nothing.



(Roof entrance)



Clauds: Here goes nothing.



(Studio entrance)



Me: Good thing that they turned off the recording light.



Clauds: You get Callie and Marina out of the studio; I'll handle Marie and Pearl.



(Hospital; Marie and Pearl have serious injuries)



Clauds: It's a good thing I had the thing I used to beat Callie in the head with handy.



Marie: CLAUDS, YOU IDIOT; WHERE'S CALLIE???



Me: With Marina cleaning up the mess you caused to the Inkopolis News studio.



Pearl: WHAT ABOUT INKOPOLIS NEWS???



Clauds: It's been put on hiatus until you two recover from the injuries I gave you.



Me: Until then, Clauds and I are doing Splatfest announcements over the radio.



Marie/Pearl: WHAT???



Clauds: We'll have to podcast from an old radio station that we found just a few miles away from Inkopolis.



(The next day; Callie and Marina are in the hospital with serious injuries)



Clauds: We've got bad news for all of you; Inkopolis News has been cancelled.



Callie/Marie/Pearl/Marina: CANCELLED???



Me: Your managers have terminated the contracts of both the Squid Sisters AND Off the Hook.



Callie/Marie/Pearl/Marina: TERMINATED???



Clauds: The New Squidbeak Splatoon have kicked you out.



Callie/Marie/Pearl/Marina: KICKED OUT OF THE SPLATOON???



(2 weeks later)



Callie: THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, CLAUDS; YOU AND YOUR FRIEND ARE IN FOR IT!!!



(Hospital; the next day)



Me: I can't feel my legs, Clauds.



Clauds: Too bad we're in the hospital with severe injuries.