It’s so crazy to think that this is the last time I’ll ever be sitting at this old desk. I don’t even think I can count the number of times I’ve sat here working on a sketch for a costume, or sewing a costume, or spilling my soul to this journal whenever my life decided to take a nosedive toward Sucksville…

Guess me and this desk have been through kind of a lot together, huh?

I haven’t written anything in here for so long, but I figured my last day in Windenburg would be a pretty decent time for an update.

You already know most of what’s been going on. I wrote so much in here back when it was all fresh and new and hurt like hell. But believe it or not, my Papa was right — once I finally talked to Mama a few months ago, that’s when everything changed. And things finally started feeling easier.

It took a little while for the “easy” part to finally kick in though. It didn’t happen overnight. At first, I was just so angry. And not just at Mama either. This might sound dumb, but I’m mostly mad at… I dunno. The world? The universe? God? Whatever magical force out there decided to tear my family apart. I don’t know who or what is responsible for this stupid mess, but fuck them. Seriously.

The first couple weeks after I saw Mama sucked pretty bad. I know Papa thought he was doing the right thing bringing her with him… But I wasn’t ready to have that talk yet. It was just too much. Especially actually hearing the name of… the guy. God, that haunted me for a long time. I just kept thinking and thinking about that stupid name all the time until one day, I couldn’t take it anymore…

And I looked him up.

Turns out there are four Brandon Westfields on Facebook. But only one of them lists “Brindleton Bay” as his hometown.

I’ve always known I look a lot like Mama, but when I saw his picture, I knew. It had to be him. His nose was the same shape as mine. His hair was the same color. And his eyes… I’d always wondered why my eyes were so much darker than everyone else in my family.

Guess now I know.

Most of the stuff on his profile was private, but I stalked everything I could. He’s forty-three years old, so a couple years younger than my parents, just like Lola is. He was only twenty when he got Mama pregnant. She didn’t tell me that part.

It sounds like he’s doing pretty good now though. He’s the district manager of some department store chain. And he’s married now too, with two daughters. Twins.

They’re only ten years old. Really cute.

And their eyes are the same color as mine.

It was really hard to finally click away, to stop staring at these strangers — this family I’ve never met. A father and two sisters who don’t even know I exist.

Xander would probably tease me for being some kind of creepy stalker, but I decided to save a picture of Brandon and his daughters, just in case I ever wanted another look.

Then I closed the window, deleted my search history, and moved on. I haven’t been back to it since.

And you know what? In the strangest way, looking at that profile was the most freeing thing I’ve ever done.

I didn’t really feel anything when I looked at the guy. Nothing like how I feel when I look at Papa, anyway. But seeing his face just made it all seem so REAL. It was like a final confirmation or something. And believe it or not, it actually helped. A lot (This is where that “easier” part finally starts coming into play).

There’d been this… I guess you could call it ‘pressure’? My entire life, I’ve basically felt like I was tied to this city. For generations, the Rosebrooks have been a part of Windenburg. They’ve all left their mark here, in one way or another. And I figured I’d do the same. I mean, that’s half the reason I signed up for that internship at the theater anyway. I figured I’d end up being the costume director there someday. Add myself to the theater’s history, just like Jocelyne and Mariana did.

But now that I know the truth about who I really am, it means I don’t have to do that anymore. I don’t have to worry about any of that ‘family legacy’ crap. I can do whatever I want. Go wherever I want. Be whoever I want too.

Isn’t that kind of awesome?

Now, don’t get me wrong — I’m not about to call up Mama and start thanking her for what she did. Her lie caused so much pain not just for me, but for literally every single person I love. I’ll never be able to forget that. And I’ll never forgive either.

But my Oma Harper always tells me you have to look for the silver lining, even when things seem terrible. So if there’s a silver lining to this whole mess, you’d better believe I’m holding onto that sucker for dear life.

In fact, I’m holding on so hard, I’m gonna let it drag me halfway across the world with the love of my life.

Yes, I seriously just wrote that. If you’d told me a year ago that I’d end up falling in love and believing in soulmates and all the other things I used to think were all part of some stupid trap, I probably would’ve laughed in your face.

And it’s still true — you never know what sort of sucky situation life might decide to throw at you. One of you could die, like what happened to Oma Harper. Or maybe you end up angry and bitter like Mama and Papa were for so many years.

Or hell, maybe the two of you find out you might be related.

It’s a huge risk jumping into something like this. But there are some people out there who really are worth it. And Xander? I think I’d risk just about anything for him.

Which is why the two of us decided to take a HUGE risk together.

It was so last-minute, but I ended up getting accepted to a graduate program all the way in California, right outside of Los Angeles. Literally half a world away.

My visa got approved a lot faster than I thought it would, but I’m not allowed to go to the US til a month before the semester starts…

And my first class is a month from tomorrow. Tristan should be here any minute to help me bring Gucci and my suitcase to the airport.

Xander’s already out there waiting for me. Once he graduated and his student visa was up, he had to go back home. God, that sucked so much. For us, anyway. I guess it was good for him and his Mom. He was able to go back to Brindleton Bay for about a month and… well, it sounds like they ended up in a pretty good place, all things considered?

And luckily he had a pretty easy time finding a job out in California. Nothing exciting — just a part time job at a coffee shop while he keeps looking for an actual music job. But at least it’ll help give an extra boost to what he already makes on YouTube and Patreon.

We’ll definitely need the extra money… Everything is SO expensive there. Way more than we thought it was gonna be. And actually, that was a big part of why we were panicking at first about finding a place to live. Rent out there is through the roof!

Papa and Lola both kept offering to help… But how could we take their money? We wanted to be able to do it on our own.

But it really wasn’t looking like we’d be able to. No matter how hard we tried to figure out a budget, there was no way we were gonna be able to swing it. For a couple of weeks, we were convinced this whole thing was gonna fall through.

But then, the most amazing thing happened. Xander got a couple more backers on Patreon… And one of them signed up to donate five hundred dollars a month. Yes, seriously. Xander didn’t even know it was possible for anybody to give that much!

Whoever it was kept themselves anonymous, but they totally saved our asses. Thanks to them, we’re gonna be able to afford an apartment right in the middle of Del Sol Valley.

The place is super tiny, but the location is perfect — Del Sol Valley is right outside of LA. It’s close to where I’ll be taking my classes, right near where Xander’s gonna be working, and, if we’re lucky, in the perfect spot to help jumpstart our careers someday (Plus, not gonna lie, I’m already kinda fangirling thinking about all the celebrities we’re gonna run into! Or the Cons we’ll get to go to! Ahhh it’s gonna be so awesome!)

I know I’m getting ahead of myself now, I’m just so freaking excited!

Don’t get me wrong though… I’m not some heartless bitch who’s jumping for joy about leaving all her family and friends behind. That part sucks. I really hated having to say goodbye to everyone… Even Mama, a little. It was hard.

I’ve spent the last few days making the rounds to see everybody one last time before I go — Zelda and Jace, Onkel Tam and Onkel Jasper, Opa Erik and Oma Rubi, Oma Harper and Opa Dev, Papa (obviously)…

Tristan even dragged me to Mama’s apartment yesterday so I could say goodbye to her too. Awkward as hell, but at least he was there for moral support.

Guess he’s the only one I’m really gonna be worried about after I leave. Papa has his parents and Onkel Tam and Onkel Jasper to help him get through finalizing the divorce and all that other stuff. He’ll be okay.

And Mama… Well, I know Papa. He’ll keep making sure she’s okay, even when he doesn’t have to anymore.

But Tristan? I dunno. He really doesn’t say a lot to me these days about how he’s feeling. And I think that’s part of what makes me so nervous. I just hope giving him this apartment’s gonna help. I’m handing over the keys when he picks me up this afternoon.

He was having a really hard time finding a good place to move into, and I knew he couldn’t just sit around that huge house with Papa and our grandparents anymore… He needed to get away too (unfortunately not as far away as I can right now… But like he told me, it’s a start, right?)

Okay, I know I’m starting to ramble now. Sorry. This point is, I’m gonna miss him so much. I’m gonna miss everyone. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t.

But there’s another part of me that’s just so excited to finally leave all this behind me. That probably sounds awful, doesn’t it? But it’s not about leaving the people behind. It’s just time for me to get away from this huge suckfest my life has turned into.

I just wanna move on, you know? I don’t wanna be held back anymore by feeling angry at my Mama or sad for my Papa or worried about Tristan. I’m not gonna sit here feeling sorry for myself or obsessing over all these dumb “what if”s. Mama’s lie changed my entire life… But I’m not gonna let it control it.

It’s time for me to start focusing on myself and Xander… and our future together.

Because I have a really good feeling about what’s ahead.

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Note: I know this chapter feels kinda ‘final’, but there are still just a few chapters left to wrap up this gen! Time jump coming 😉 🙂