Tanner Bolt says: You two are the most fucked up people I've ever met and I deal with fucked up people for a living.

Tanner Bolt says: Whatever they found, I think it's safe to assume that it is very bad.

T.K. says: Divorced 4 years. We're good people, just not good together.

Brian says: Hey Madea! Madea says: Hey Brian, Hey Brian Uncle Joe says: I don't know why you leave the toilet seat up Mabel! Brian says: Hey Daddy! Uncle Joe says: Don't I know you? Brian says: I'm past 18 now stop pretending you don't know me because of paying child support! Uncle Joe says: Hey son great to see you. Love you so much!!! Uncle Joe says: Hey son great to see you. Love you so much! Madea says: You want something to eat i'm making sandwich for Joe. Madea says: You want something to eat, i'm making sandwich for Joe. Uncle Joe says: I wouldn't eat that son I wouldn't eat that at all. I believe she's trying to kill me for my insurance money! Madea says: You ain't got no insurance money! Uncle Joe says: In that case i'm going to eat this sandwich Mabel made Madea says: I ain't trying to kill you for the insurance money i'm killing you because I want you dead, completely dead, no life in you just not breathing just maggot food! Uncle Joe says: Here son try this for me. Brian says: I'm not tasting that thank you!! Brian says: I'm not tasting that thank you!

Alex Cross says: He won't stop. I've seen his face. I've heard his voice. I will meet his soul at the gates of hell before I let him take a person that I love away from me.

Tommy Kane says: Hey, Monny, what's with that kneecap shot of yours? Monica Ashe says: Up yours! Alex Cross says: It's like working with sixth graders with you two.

Alex Cross says: My wife's dead because of you. And soon you'll be dead because of me.

Madea says: You gunna wish the sprem did a back stroke when it saw the egg tht created you Madea says: You're gonna wish that sperm did a backstroke when it met the egg that made you.

Uncle Joe says: her butt must be hungry cause its chewing that dress alive Uncle Joe says: Her butt must be hungry because it's chewing that dress alive.

Madea says: Excuse me while I do my Tyra Banks.

Madea says: Oh...um, if Randy or Jermaine or Tito call...Tell them I just can not talk right now. Imma have to call them laTer.

Uncle Joe says: You look like a big...bottle of Pepto Bismol

Jake says: You look like a bag of skittles. Madea says: Yeah well when i come back up here and you still in bed you gonna tasted the rainbow.

Madea says: SHUT UP. rectum. Madea says: SHUT UP rectum.

Madea says: These here are my cousins. They have a pigmentation problem. CAN'T TALK NOW HONEY, GOTTA GET THEM TO THE DOCTOR!

George Needleman says: Do you have chicken wings? Madea says: 30 DAMN DOLLARS A WING? OH NO HONEY THEY COME IN A PACK, 20 FOR A DOLLA 99 DOWN AT ROSCO I CANT HAVE THIS HONEY NO IM NOT GUNNA, IMA STARVE IN THIS HOTEL!

Madea says: These white folks are gonna stick out here more than I would stick out at a Republican convention!

Alex Cross says: He won't stop. I've seen his face. I heard his voice. I will meet his soul at the gates of hell before I let him take a person that I love from me.

Alex Cross says: There is not one scenerio that you have thought of that he has already figured out.

Alex Cross says: He won't stop. I've seen his face. I've heard his voice. I will meet his soul at the gates of hell before he takes a person that I love away from me.

Madea says: If I come back up these stairs and you still in this bed I'm gonna get completely naked and get up in there with you and spoon! Madea says: If I come back up these stairs and you still in this bed I'm gonna get completely naked and get up in there with you and spoon! George Needleman says: Okay, I'm up!!! George Needleman says: Okay, I'm up!

Uncle Joe says: You look like a big bottle of Pepto Bismol.

Madea says: [whispering] You better get your ass out this bed.

Wesley Deeds says: That would make me predictable.

Madea says: Sit down you black leprechaun looking like you're out of a damn box of chocolate, lucky charms.

Madea says: Now I got silver hair, but I got silver bullets, too. Do you want one?

Joe says: 1-800 CHOKE DAT HOE!

Wesley Deeds says: I'm moving to Africa.

Wesley Deeds says: My life is perfect.

Joe says: Haha, you was a hoe back in the day.

Cora says: Who's my daddy Madea?! Madea says: Well, Charlie Brown ain't yo daddy. Joe says: Well yo daddy was.. Madea says: Joe.. You ain't in this, don't say nothin.. You don't know nothin' Cora says: No, Joe can tell me who my daddy is... Who's my daddy, Uncle Joe?? Brown says: Yeah, say somethin' Uncle Joe.

Brown says: Ya'll laughin' but I think I see the light! Joe says: I think I see it too, All them colors u got on.. You ARE the light. Madea says: Taste The Rainbow!!

Madea says: U on sit down so much.. When u die tell those people to bury u on ur stomach to give ur ass a break Madea says: Just stay right where you at. Just plant your ass right there in that chair. Every time I come here, you sittin' in that chair. People waitin' on their cars, you sittin' in that chair. You supposed to be changin' the oil, you sittin' in that chair. Supposed to be changin' the windshield wiper blades, you sittin' in that chair. Supposed to wash the car, you sittin' in that chair. Let me tell you something: when you die, tell them people to bury you on your stomach to give your ass a break!

Brown says: Ya'll all be laughin, but I think I see the light! Joe says: I see the light too, hell with all them colors you got on, you are the light.

Joe says: Abort, abort! Evacuate the building! Aarrrrr! Arrrrrr! Joe says: Abort, abort! Evacuate the building!

Madea says: It will look like you got legs running up your back, when I get done wooping your ass .

Madea says: See, y'all Christians is somethin'... y'all go pull out that Bible, but y'all don't know which prescripture to use for which situation. You got to find the right prescripture. There's a prescripture that says, "Let the redeemed of the Lord say so." Have you been redeemed by the Lord? Madea says: See, y'all Christians is somethin'... y'all go pull out that Bible, but y'all don't know which prescripture to use for which situation. You got to find the right prescripture. There's a prescripture that says, 'Let the redeemed of the Lord say so.' Have you been redeemed by the Lord? Shirley says: yes, Shirley says: Yes. Madea says: That's right, so if you've been redeemed by the Lord, and somebody does something to you that you don't like, even yo' kids, you can beat the hell outta them and just say, "So?" So that's what I'm'a do. I'm'a beat the hell outta them and say, "So?" And I'm'a bring them over here 'cause you've been redeemed, aight. It makes perfect sense, don't it? Halleluyer! Halleluyer! Madea says: That's right, so if you've been redeemed by the Lord, and somebody does something to you that you don't like, even yo' kids, you can beat the hell outta them and just say, 'So?' So that's what I'm'a do. I'm'a beat the hell outta them and say, 'So?' And I'm'a bring them over here 'cause you've been redeemed, aight. It makes perfect sense, don't it? Halleluyer! Halleluyer!

Madea says: I keep me a piece of steel, Once you got a piece of steel you will have peace! Load your steel Thank you Jesus!

Madea says: These stretch marks is a road map to heaven, hell if you follow this GPS it's gon' take you some where you ain't never been befo' Madea says: These stretch marks is a road map to heaven, hell if you follow this GPS it's gon' take you some where you ain't never been befo'.

Madea says: you look like you cam outta a box of chocolate lucky charms. Madea says: You look like you came out of a box of chocolate Lucky Charms!

Joe says: 1-800-CHOKE THAT HOE Joe says: 1-800-CHOKE THAT HOE.

Madea says: Helurrrrrr!!!!!!!!!! Madea says: Helurrrrrr!

Madea says: Hallelujarr!