Monday, 19 September

Clemson fans: Dabo shouldn't apologize for Kaepernick criticism

Well, if you can’t beat ‘em, try to shut ‘em up, right?

The Ghost of Social Justice Past lurks behind you, Dabo: “Disavow...disavow!”

University of Miami cancels Milo event due to ‘security concerns’

Yes, you know, like the security of progressive edicts.

Masked, club-wielding assailant attacks OU pro-life display

Unfortunately for him, aborting ideas isn’t so easy.

Cornell students to decide whether to '#FreetheTampon'

Ladies and gentlemen: the Ivy League—always on the forefront of progress.

Princeton trims down language guide following national criticism

We’re sure this will trim down the number of alumni who plan to take you for a good ol’ Mizzou.

Tuesday, 20 September

Harvard prof: Trump a 'predator' for 'scapegoating' Mexicans

Unindoctrinated Americans: Harvard prof. a cancer to civilized society

Ithaca students demand diversity forums, then fail to attend

They were probably during AM hours. You know, the time of day when people who’ve actually worked a day in their lives and know what the hell they’re talking about are up and about.

SFSU plans 'Afro-themed' housing in wake of dreadlock confrontation

Has more of a ring to it than “segregation now, segregation tomorrow and segregation forever,” doesn’t it?

College Dems official: disinvite Milo from 'Bama

Well, if you can’t beat ‘em, try to shut ‘em up, right?

Mock Pledge of Allegiance kicks off Hofstra Latinx month

Beyond the total lack of self-awareness, the use of “capitalists” as a pejorative is perhaps the funniest part.

Ray LaMontagne cancels UT show over campus carry 'concerns'

At least he still has the exquisite fedora fashion sense of our managing editor.

America-themed BBQ 'considered offensive' at Ramapo

Let’s just hope Ramapo’s administrators can find a nice, safe space to ensconce themselves in this July.

Wednesday, 21 September

UNC editors bemoan 'privatization' caused by university rankings

We won’t dispute that rankings give people the power to force universities into competition; we just consider it a good thing.

Cornell football coach apologizes for tweeting sombrero photo

Still, it’s not nearly as bad as serving tacos in the dining hall.

Professor destroys pro-Trump chalkings, brags on social media

She was just protecting her students, of course. If not for her, the chalk certainly would have congealed into a white supremacist with goofy hair.

Augustana cracks down on speech after 'threatening' Trump chalkings

They’re operating from the premise that non-inclusive chalk phantasms can’t cross blue tape.

Thursday, 22 September

Northwestern prez: only ‘idiots,’ ‘lunatics’ oppose safe spaces

We bow to the strength of his reasoning.

No, not really. We were just doubled over convulsing with laughter.

Illegal immigrants sue U of Georgia for denying them admission

Imagine that—an American university not granting admission to someone who is breaking American law!

Majority of HBCU students favor evicting media from protests

If a protest takes place on a college campus, and there’s nobody there to cover it, does it make a sound?

NCAA leans on school officials to sign diversity pledge

One would think that the college football playoffs would have satisfied their hunger for ineffectual solutions longer than that.

Friday, 23 September

BLM flag flying alongside American flag at UVM

They say it’s a show of “symbolic support” for the school community.

Let’s just bear in mind that the University of Vermont is in Vermont, a state that is nearly 95 percent white.

SJW's overrun YAF meeting to protest 'feelings' remark

Wow, the thought police are getting shriller. We wouldn’t have thought that was possible.

Conservative columnist fired from Mizzou student paper

He really should have known better than to let someone else post his stories on Facebook.

His editors would have had no problem with him expressing conservative opinions, but they couldn’t stand the idea of somebody hearing them.

Satirical subtitle contest lampoons liberals through literature

You know this is directed at conservatives because no self-respecting liberal would dare to read a work of classic literature without a trigger warning, a sippy cup, and a comfort blankie.

UNCW defends free expression after prof destroys Trump chalkings

Yeah, we couldn’t believe it, either, but the Chancellor actually said contrary opinions are not actually threats.

Well, unless one is a liberal, in which case they threaten (quite harshly) to undermine one’s entire worldview.