The latest Chargers plight is remindful of a scene from the great Marx Brothers movie “Horse Feathers,” when Groucho is in a canoe with a woman. She falls into the lake and hollers: “Professor Wagstaff, throw me the lifesaver!” So Groucho has a roll of Life Savers candy and tosses her one.

Given the outcome of Measure C, this is what San Diego has done to Dean Spanos. The football team’s boss may not have been given enough to float his boat in these disagreeable waters, and not enough sugar to whet his sweet tooth.

But there also is another problem Dean has to tackle, and it may be about as easy to get in front of as LaDainian Tomlinson.

Attendance.


Despite its condition (taxpayers still lose $15 million a year on Qualcomm Stadium Land Fill), the place still uncomfortably holds around 70,000 people.

The Chargers this year are averaging just under 56,000 a game, or about 11,000 less than a year ago. That figure would just about fit into the pre-renovation Qualcomm.

I’ve always thought the team’s true, ticket-buying fan base was about 55,000, and this season that’s close to what’s been showing up (one crowd was just over 60,000; two were about 52,000). Measuring by percentage of capacity, the Chargers’ figure of 78.3 is easily the lowest in The League.

There are a few reasons.


The stadium itself, of course, stinks. The game-day experience is terrible for something hardly cheap. It has to be more than dropping in Navy SEALS in by parachute. The pregame music pumped over the speakers isn’t bad, it’s disgusting. People say a downtown stadium would kill off tailgating. You can tailgate at a beach for free. That isn’t it anymore. Many can get a great experience at home, which is the NFL’s fault for making the living-room/man cave experience so good. With blackouts lifted, why leave the couch? It’s especially noticeable in the money-making club section.

The product. It’s not good. There are circumstances as to why the team hasn’t cut it over the past three years. But bad cheese, no matter how it’s sliced, is bad cheese. Tough sell.

The schedule. San Diego is a destination city, and fans from other NFL areas circle these games on their calendars. Many ticket holders aren’t reluctant to sell theirs off to visitors. The problem this year is that the out-of-division home schedule is awful. Jacksonville, Tennessee, New Orleans, Miami and Tampa Bay fans do not travel well, even when their teams are OK. A bad year to be bad. When the Chargers contend, it’s a different narrative — very different when Oakland, Denver and Kansas City visit.

The Spanoses. People don’t trust them.

Now the latter is a crazy part of it, because I rarely have had a problem with Dean (or his sons). He’s treated me with respect. He is not an ogre. He and wife Susie give freely to charity and the community. He’s been called cheap, when spending money hasn’t been problematic. Spending it wisely? Another matter. He hasn’t always made the right front-office and football-man decisions, but he’s not flying solo there.

I can’t believe fans go or don’t go to games because of owners. Seriously, how many owners can you name?

Perhaps Dean’s biggest problem is his personality. He comes off as aloof (which he basically is) and uncaring (which he is not). No P.T. Barnum, Deano. To blame this man for the stadium situation is stupid. He’s a renter. He did not turn Qualcomm into a slum.

Spanos can be blamed, however, for how he and his people working on a new stadium mistreated the city and the fan base in 2015. Terribly rude and unbecoming.


Plenty of seats at Qualcomm Stadium were unfilled for the Chargers’ recent game against the Tennessee Titans. (K.C. Alfred/U-T )

When the Carson plan fell through, and he went to work on Measure C to get a new downtown stadium/convention center expansion done, it was a wonderful idea. He got out and tried to help sell it. But people didn’t forget 2015. Like I say, he isn’t easy to trust, for whatever reason, even when he has the ideal solution, which he had.

It’s very possible his boorish 2015 overwhelmed his cordial 2016.

Anyone believing Measure C could get 67 percent of the vote was either wild dreamer or fool. It got 43 percent, which was close to what I expected, what most everyone, including Spanos, should have expected. Since, he again has announced he will have nothing to say on the franchise’s future until after the season, when on Jan. 15, the window opens for him to apply for Los Angeles relocation. Not the smart play. Fans, once again housed in Limbo.


The smart business play, for him, obviously, would be to go to L.A., if he can, if the NFL wants him to, which isn’t the case. He doesn’t want to go, or he wouldn’t have bothered throwing around $8 million into C.

Spanos doesn’t have a bully pulpit, but muted bullying tendencies. He didn’t kiss the right rings, maybe, but he shouldn’t have had to.

Still, he still has 32 years of San Diego in him. Don’t forget the importance of that.

The problem with the “Convadium” was that it almost was totally viewed as a billionaire’s home, which it would have been — for about 10 days a year. It was so much more than that, with many events millions of possible dollars to the city without taxpayers paying a penny. But the voters couldn’t remove The Spanos Factor from it and understand it was so much more than him.


We are terribly difficult to educate, and that includes politicians.

Did Mayor Kevin Faulconer jump aboard the C train too late in the game? Maybe. But why? Strange. He had to know the measure wasn’t passing — and probably not getting 50 percent. Did he get assurances from Dean about hanging around? I hear Faulconer didn’t. But I’m guessing there will be another try.

The Chargers can’t/won’t continue to play in Qualcomm much longer. Sooner or later, Dean will leave the premises, and I can’t blame him.

There are recent rumors he may try to jump over Oakland’s Mark Davis to try Las Vegas (a Chargers town), which he frequents and has a domicile. But that’s not his style. And Vegas isn’t a royal flush, either. L.A. really doesn’t want him.


I see him here through 2017, anyway, asking fellow owners for an extension on L.A., trying to get something done by 2018. His bright stadium point man, Fred Maas, will stick with Dean and do what the boss wants, which is a real good thing.

Everything else aside, Chargers fans must know there’s one reason why their team remains here and may not go: Dean Spanos. He doesn’t want to.

Thanks to politicians and hoteliers without clue and a voting public that will not listen, the sad day may come when he has no choice.

He’ll win either way. We’ll get beat.


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