A PREGNANT woman who is planning to have a ‘baby shower’ has been reminded this is not America and it is therefore bullshit.

Alice Jones has invited 15 female friends to join her for a Pinterest-inspired afternoon tea with ‘fun’ baby-themed games and a lot of gift-opening.

Close friend Nikki Hollis said: “What god-awful American movie does she think she’s living in?

“This is Swindon. We celebrate a baby’s arrival by reluctantly bringing over a homemade lasagne a few weeks after the trauma of pushing something out of your vag.

“Also, if she’s not drinking, can we? I can’t be around this level of excitement and unalloyed joy without prosecco in me.”

Alice’s mother, Anne Warner, said: “I haven’t got time for all this dicking around. I’ve told her to do what my generation did and approach the due date with dread, flatulence and anger.”