As all timelines exist simultaneously, Guillermo del Toro is currently caught between a dimension in which he’s creating a new adaptation of Slaughterhouse-Five with Charlie Kaufman, and one in which he definitely isn’t. Del Toro explained the paradox to the Daily Telegraph (via The Playlist), saying he’s attached to make a new version of Vonnegut’s novel that George Roy Hill last adapted in 1972, and that he wants to explore its story of a fatalistic WWII soldier’s time travels with Kaufman, who spends most of his days brooding in the fourth dimension anyway. “Charlie and I talked for about an hour-and-a-half and came up with a perfect way of doing the book,” Del Toro said. ”I love the idea of the Trafalmadorians—to be 'unstuck in time,' where everything is happening at the same time. And that's what I want to do.”


However, as the Trafalmadorians showed us, what a man "wants" to do is an illusion indulged in only here on Earth, by silly humans who believe they have free will, despite the fact that all that will happen has already happened. Also, by directors who already have tons of other things they’re supposed to be working on right now. “It's just a catch-22,” Del Toro said of this conundrum. “The studio will make it when it's my next movie, but how can I commit to it being my next movie until there's a screenplay?”

And as Del Toro has already committed to making Crimson Peak as well as his FX series The Strain in the next year—and seeing as he can only perceive time in a linear fashion—he’s struggling to find the dimension in which Universal has already paid for Kaufman’s script (whom he calls “a very expensive writer”), but only after Del Toro’s already read that script and agreed to make it his next movie.


“I’ll work it out,” Del Toro said.

“Poo-too-tweet?” the bird said.