Twitter can be a dark and dangerous place. There are trolls and cute animal videos that force you into a rabbit hole that wastes an entire evening. In fact, if it wasn’t for Daniel Storey being called a lego-headed mongrel twat that time, we would doubt the point of the entire platform.

And then Neville Southall started tweeting about skeletons, and you suddenly realise that Twitter need not be a place of hatred. It can be a place where 90s footballers muse about life’s little oddities, such as why lampposts aren’t made out of human bones.

Suddenly anyone without a Twitter account feels a little silly:

Imagine all street signs held by skeleton s

Cannot say you never seen them

I reckon there's a a market for second Han skeleton s — Neville Southall (@NevilleSouthall) October 4, 2017

It’s an interesting start. Nev’s first step into the skeleton recycling arena is to wonder why we don’t literally have skeletons stood by the side of the road holding up signs. This one of the strangest – and yet most brilliant – thoughts of all time.

Southall then challenges us on the subject: ‘Cannot say you’ve never seen them’. Yes Nev, we can say that we’ve never seen them.

It’s when Nev starts talking about the market for skeletons that we worry he’s got a few in his shed that he wants to shift.

People moaning about my skeleton s put them in some grounds atmosphere would be better

I — Neville Southall (@NevilleSouthall) October 5, 2017

Now you’re talking. Not only is Southall proposing something else to do with skeletons – and we can see problems with the street sign-holding thing – he is also slamming modern football as every self-respecting former footballer should do.

Our suspicion that Neville has skeletons hiding in a part of his house is not helped by the use of ‘my skeletons’ in this tweet. You’re giving the game away, fella.

Imagine skeletons handle bars on your motorbike

Made from arms

Hear changes and braking so eAsy and fun — Neville Southall (@NevilleSouthall) October 5, 2017

You know what, Theo Paphitis and Deborah Meaden are going to kick themselves when they realise that this one has been leaked without a patent. Nev, I’ll give you £100,000 for 5% of your ‘arm bones as motorcycle handlebars’ business. Just take my bloody money, will you? We hadn’t even realised that braking could be easy AND fun.

Imagine 2 skeleton s wearing number 10 shirts

Too far even for me — Neville Southall (@NevilleSouthall) October 5, 2017

True enough. There has to be a limit. One skeleton wearing a No. 10 shirt? Fine. Two? Are you an idiot?

Skeleton s have arms legs and back

Make ideal chairs — Neville Southall (@NevilleSouthall) October 5, 2017

Prove him wrong. Go on, prove him wrong. I double bloody dare you to try.

2 skeletons standing by a food bank

Mays Britain — Neville Southall (@NevilleSouthall) October 5, 2017

2 skeletons talking one said to other won’t be long before we get our pension

Mays Britain — Neville Southall (@NevilleSouthall) October 5, 2017

All this. All this as build-up to a satirical slam of the Tories, their Prime Minister and their austerity politics. Just make him the sodding Prime Minister already. “Ooooh, Nev-ille South-all.”