This weekend I decided to spend a rare spare afternoon waiting for Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain to start. Here’s what I did.

1) Played a few games of Alphabear

2) Stared at Kiefer Sutherland’s digital bumcrack

3) Grew a long, long beard that reaches to the ground

4) Learned the languages of the world

5) Occasionally moved my analogue stick back and forth

6) Wrote this

7) Grew concerned about a soldier’s inability to look under a bed

8) Mowed the New Forest

9) Watched the universe expand and contract

10) Evolved into a new lifeform, with gills, opposable knees, and teflon hair

(Cor, it gets pretty darned fun once it’s over though, eh?)