Confidence in driverless cars has soared after Google’s self-driving car chased a cyclist for three miles while unleashing a torrent of abuse and spraying the cyclist with water.

According to eye witnesses in Palo Alto, the incident started when a middle-aged cyclist with an enormous sense of entitlement jumped the traffic lights causing the Google self-driving car to slam on its brakes to avoid a collision. The cyclist then laughed, gave the Google car the finger, and sped off. But it is what happened next that made observers realise driverless cars really were here to stay.



“After braking hard, the Google self-driving car was stationary in the middle of the intersection and then steam rose from under the car” said bystander Jason Phillips. “I thought the car had stalled but then the engine started revving and the horn starting making a noise that sounded very much like ‘fuck you arsehole.’ Before I knew it, the car was off chasing the cyclist and beeping ‘fuck you arsehole’, and ‘do you know who I am?’, every 100 yards or so.”

Mr Phillips said he’d been a bit suspicious about driverless cars but the incident showed him the technology really works.

“I’m not sure even a top human driver could have done better, the chase was relentlessly angry and the water spraying was inspired. Just a wee programming tweak to ‘fuck you, you self-entitled lycra-wearing areshole’ and I think the car would be perfect.”

Police were notified of the incident and turned up to see the Google car and the cyclist facing off in a Taco Bell car park.

“I briefly considered charging the algorithm with various driving offences and threatening behaviour, but as the Google car correctly pointed out in its defence the cyclist was a fucking arsehole” said Officer Ben Craze.

“Of course being an arsehole in itself isn’t a crime but I did ticket the cyclist for a broken reflector and also for offensive behaviour for wearing lycra one size too small in a built up area.”

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