Nigel Farage (UKIP) blasted the report - he takes 'pride' in his 'yellow teeth and bad skin'.

No stock image of a Frenchman is complete without the obligatory striped shirt, scowl and baguette. Swedes are invariably seen as tall, blonde, sexually ambigious and reserved. Eurostat attempted to find out how much of these clichés are true.

That’s why the EU’s statistical office conducted a study across all EU member states over a period of four months. Participants were not told in advance which nationality the people in the picture database had. In the end, over 8,500 test subjects rated an aggregate of 25,000 pictures.

Overwhelmingly, both sexes ranked Britons dead last in terms of attractiveness. Conversely, Slovenians, Luxembourgians and Maltese people were broadly appreciated for their looks and style.

Walter Rademacher, Director-General of Eurostat, comments on the results: ‘The United Kingdom is the most obese country of the European Union, so that probably played a role. Although the First World increasingly struggles with the challenges posed by obesity, it is still seen as one of the least desirable traits in a potential partner.’

Geneticist Claudia D’Argento from the University of Bologna offers another explanation. ‘People on continental Europe have had more time to mix their genes and have ended up looking somewhat alike. It’s no coincidence that people who are considered more attractive, come from nations with a multi-ethnic past and present.’

Is Mr D’Argento implying that the British carry the unfortunate burden of ethnic isolation and incest? ‘Certainly not. The Irish live on an island, too,’ she smiles. ‘I’m sure that the typically British lack of class or style is as much a contributing factor as their genetic regression.’

Eurostat offers a glimmer of hope in its report. ‘The steady influx of immigrants from Southern Asia will certainly be beneficial to the average British sex appeal, just like it has boosted the country’s cuisine. Changes in looks take a longer time, that is all,’ wrote Mr Rademacher.

Despite Mr Rademacher’s optimism, the report is damning. Men were criticized for looking ‘likely to commit violence’ or ‘weirdly old-fashioned’, while women were often described as ‘vulgar’ or ‘tarty’. According to test subjects, Britons also scored high in the category ‘likely to have a sustained drinking problem’.

Walter Rademacher:

‘A steady influx of immigrants will improve Britain’s score’

The British government has declined to respond, but UKIP party strongman Nigel Farage was more than eager to take up the gauntlet. ‘When they’re not undermining our independence, they’re attacking our culture and traditions. Me? I take pride in my yellow teeth and bad skin. I come from a country where it doesn’t matter how well-coiffed you look or how thin you are.’