Much like Marvin Gaye, I have no idea what’s going on with the sensitive artists so for the last several months, my news consisted mostly of Asa’s instagram account and an occasional call from David to drive home some girl named after a fruit. The last thing I remember telling the gang was my problems busting a nut after watching porn so maybe I got pushed to the outs because no one wants to hang around a sapless old tree. But than something strange and unusual happened a few nights ago. Val texted me. Val? Val. Hola? Val has never contacted me before and it wasn’t a drunk dial since he literally texted “hi bill”. So I replied with “hi Val” since that would be the polite thing to do and the next thing I know, he wants to hang out and “meet girls”. Weird, Val has never needed any help fucking women much less “meet girls” so I was perplexed but pleased I was free. He wanted to visit a place that Bobby Trivia took him but since I didn’t know where that was, I called Bobby who was in the middle of an ice cream date with Mrs. Trivia - the funny thing is that he texts me that he’s with “Quiet C” and I’m thinking, hey man, I went to your wedding and hung out with your wife, I know her real name and in fact, everyone who listens to DVDASA knows her real name. But whatever, maybe Bobby was having flashbacks to the show. And he joins us. What? I always assumed that the weekends were date nights at the Trivia household but I guess not so he meets us at the studio. With David. Whaat? Shouldn’t that guy be hanging out with celebrity chefs or Alia Shawkat or Aubrey Plaza. But its a mother fucking Saturday night and I guess we all want to “meet girls” with Val. So 10 minutes later, Tacolandia, All Nippon Airways, The pregnant man with 1000 babies and Seoul Sausage Delight are in front of the strip club about to meet girls. Val is out of control, that guy is getting a dance from every girl who drops him a smile, while Bobby gets a drink or 3 and David disappears for a few hours with his muse of the week. But shit, I only got one hand in my pocket and the other holding a 20 dollar bill thinking we were going to a bar and I was going to nurse a club soda for the night. So one dance later after seeing a Filipino stripper with blonde hair, I go over to the atm machine so I can continue supporting her cosmetology classes. Right? That’s what they use the money for. Eventually, we decide to leave to Val’s dismay but the night wasn’t quite over yet. Dave went dark dick zero thirty so he could get his fuck on with the stripper he just met, while Val and Bobby want to visit a 24 hour Korean spa to get a massage. Just so you know, when you go into a spa at 2:30 morning, the room is dark and I’m pretty sure the “therapist” isn’t some nubile young thing but their old wicked hands will touch your dick none the less. Maybe more but I had to wave her off since I was back down to no money and I didn’t want to feel obligated to tip her after paying her for the hour. That’s fair I think. We ended the night with a chili burger and a coke, I’m poor but I’m happy. And basically that’s what happens when you go out with Val to “meet girls”.