

It’s been seven years since the greatest white-collar criminal in the history of the United States was reported to have died. Ken Lay , the son of a preacher man, reportedly died of a “massive heart attack” and was cremated without any public viewing in a tiny Colorado town.

The death came at a good time, reminiscent of the classic “Death As A Career Move” dime novel.

On the following Monday, Lay was about to forfeit $45 million to the Federal Government.

He had been convicted and was about to be sentenced to 40 years in Federal prison.



But Ken Lay is not dead. He is alive, and presumably well, though he keeps a low profile these days. He is most likely living the good life in tropical Indonesia, a nation containing thousands of tiny islands on which a corrupt government has provided safe havens to many wealthy criminals and fugitive financiers since the end of WW2. The “disappearing” of Ken Lay was handled very smoothly by everyone involved – but there are always loose ends.

After his conviction, Ken Lay had only a few available options:

1. Do his time and die in prison. Out of the question for a man who never admitted any guilt.

2. Turn on the Bush administration and cut a deal to tell what he knew. Lay knew this wasn’t feasible, because a few months earlier, someone Lay was very familiar with had been sworn in as US Attorney General, Alberto Gonzales. Lay knew Gonzales was never going to let the Justice Department go after anyone in the Bush administration. Not even a remote option.

3. Flee the country. Certainly this was considered. Billionaire Marc Rich did it, and came home with a Presidential pardon from President Clinton. But this plan was distasteful to Lay because fleeing would be an admission of guilt. Lay never admitted any wrongdoing, and never expressed remorse. In true sociopathic fashion, he saw himself as a victim – even when he was caught in the act. He justified all of his own actions, using his all-forgiving God as a safety net. Becoming an international fugitive would negate everything Lay was. This option was a distant second best.

4. Suicide. If you had $30 million bucks, would you kill yourself? He wasn’t even old enough to get Social Security yet. Besides, that too would be an admission of guilt and a renunciation of his faith. Christians who kill themselves go to hell. Everyone knows that. For some people this would have been a genuine option. For Ken Lay, it was never even considered.

5. Fake his own death. Because Lay hadn’t been sentenced yet, his “demise” would result in the whole case against him being vacated – thus no conviction. The entire estate would then pass to his wife, Linda. Enron creditors would not be able to touch a penny of it. Instead of being hated, Lay would be put to rest with ministers and politicians mourning him. True, he would have to stay out of sight – but it can be done – especially with the kind of help and money Ken Lay had.

Imagine you’re Ken Lay, and look back at the five options. Nothing works but #5…

So it was that Ken Lay “died” in a small Colorado community in the middle of the night, in a rented house, and was cremated within hours, after a hurried autopsy by Dr. Robert Kurtzman, a Medical Examiner from Mesa County. That is not the county Lay died in. He died in Pitkin County, where the Chief Medical Examiner was Dr. Steve Ayers. Although it was his job to do so, Dr. Ayres never even saw the corpse. Kurtzman handled the entire matter, and set a record in the process. He declared Lay dead, autopsied him, concluded that the death was due to heart disease, then turned the body over to the funeral home for immediate and private cremation, and all of this happened on the same day! This was the fastest death to autopsy to cremation in the history of Colorado. Incidentally, it is unheard of for a Medical Examiner to make a ruling outside of his own jurisdiction, and is not in compliance with the state laws of Colorado.

And that, my friends, is the smoking gun. But first a few qualifications:

Would Ken Lay fake his own death? Why not, didn’t he fake his own life? Didn’t he fake all of the numbers in order to steal hundreds of million of dollars? Didn’t he fake being a decent Christion, and get on TBN with Paul and Jan Crouch (fake tits + big weird hair) and talk about how he was “God’s Man in the Business World” while he was simultaneously (and criminally) destroying and plundering a minimum of 25% of America’s private pensions?

Yes, but would our own government help him? They did in the past. It was President George H. W. Bush who first deregulated electric utilities in the United States, at the urging of his campaign chairman, Ken Lay. This act made Ken Lay. It gave him the green light for the whole fiasco that became Enron. Lay was the largest single contributor to the G W Bush Presidential campaign.

Would Bush lie for Ken Lay? Yes, he had already done so. He claimed in 2002 that he barely knew “Kennyboy” when in actuality Lay had already given Bush a half million dollars, had been his father’s campaign chairman, and had been named to the Bush transition team in 2000.

Would Lay’s wife Linda go along with it? Yes, she too had been caught lying about her husband. She told a national audience on the Today Show that she and Ken were “penniless” and that all their money had been tied up in Enron stock. Not true. The couple had sold most of their shares and purchased variable annuities (exempt from creditors) that pay out a minimum of $100,000 per month for life, after taxes. They transferred real estate to family members as well. At the time she made the statement on TV, she and Ken had unencumbered assets of over $25 million.

More evidence that Lay didn’t die:

Ken Lay was (and probably still is) a very “Christian” man. Now, how often do Christian folks get cremated? Pretty damn seldom! In fact, the practice is not approved by the Methodist Church (Lay’s denomination). The only Christians who are cremated are those who die in poverty. No respectable Methodist is burned. After all, how is Jesus going to resurrect Ken to a life in Glory Land if he’s ashes? Also, the psychology is wrong. Lay became a Christian to avoid being burned up after his demise. So then he’s going to request a dose of hellfire on the way out? I think not.

But there is more. Ken Lay left behind some real estate when he passed away. The smallest parcel was a pair of burial plots he and Linda had purchased, so that they could be buried together. Why did he do this, if he planned to spend eternity in an urn over the fireplace? Ultimately, his ashes were buried, but not in the family plot! Instead, the reputed remains were interred in Colorado.

Even when someone decides to get cremated, the normal thing is to have a public viewing where the family and friends can pay their last respects. It is in fact a requirement of churches that permit cremation. Ken Lay didn’t even have a funeral, just a “memorial service” with no viewing. This is unheard of, especially in the case of a man who was friendly with two US Presidents, many high-ranking government officials, the entire financial world, and titans of industry and religion.

There must be some compelling reason this man’s body was not prepared for a Christian burial in accordance with his faith. This is how we know Ken Lay isn’t dead after all. This is also why the theory that Lay was assassinated or killed himself cannot be true – if he were killed by a CIA Dick Cheney heart-attack machine or died by his own hand, his body would have been seen.

The whole cremation thing is the dead giveaway that Kenneth Lay is still alive.

Even without the help of his powerful friends, Ken Lay had many millions of dollars to throw around. Is it possible? Certainly, since the only two persons who saw Ken Lay after his death who could definitively identify him were his wife and the coroner.

Of course, he had help. There was definitely a body, which probably looked to be about the same age and size as Lay. The corpse may have been a homeless man who died of a real heart attack, or perhaps a murder victim. It was never fingerprinted, once again not in compliance with state law.

Ken Lay was no fool. Everything about him was fictitious. He was a phony businessman and a phony “Christian” and it should be expected that he would also fake his own death. He’ll surely be reading this on the internet, where my columns are very popular. Hi Ken. You’re still guilty and you’re still an asshole and some of us know that you’re still alive. GATOR