6 Obnoxious LinkedIn Trends That Need to Die

Because social media is even more insufferable when you mix it with business.

You’ve really gotta give it to the guy that created LinkedIn. Here is a social media platform that pretty much no one cares about, no one actually likes, but everyone feels as though they must have an account on because if they don’t they’ll somehow never land another job. Scroll your feed and you’ll see why — it’s full of useless BS that no one in their right mind is going to read.

Just like the more popular social media platforms, there are always that annoying group of people who will take any chance they can get to self aggrandise. Go through your feed on any given day, and in amongst job postings, news pieces and shared articles, you’ll find a number of super obnoxious habits by this almost shameless group of poseurs and wannabe thought leaders / influencers. I literally just scrolled LinkedIn now and found two of them in under 15 seconds. These activities range from eye roll inducing to the kind of thing that makes me want to grab a bucket and puke.

Having a profile pic of you speaking somewhere. Bonus points if it’s one of those headset microphones. You’re far too important and influential to just post a head shot like everyone else. You have to show everyone how authoritative and respected you are because people apparently want to hear what you have to say. Even Simon Sinek just goes with a headshot, and he speaks for a living. Tone it down, TED isn’t calling anytime soon. Posting a picture of you talking on a panel. Bonus points for douchery if you say something like “I was honoured to be on a panel with such amazing…” Blergh, how utterly insufferable. This is the worst of the humble brags, because you make it seem like you’re so magnanimous and humble, when in reality you’re just trying to show off how respected you think you are. If the Instagram joke is “if I hit the gym and didn’t post about it, did it actually happen?”, then the LinkedIn joke goes “if I spoke on a panel but no one in my feed saw it, do they even know how awesome I am?” Thought leaders saying obvious shit and acting as though it’s something profound. “Treat your people right”, “test your assumptions”, “when the industry is doing one thing, look at doing something different.” Wow, thanks for the wisdom there Mr Seth Godin wannabe. Even worse are all the sycophants in the comments telling them how insightful it is. Here’s a hint: if you’re saying something obvious, it isn’t insightful. You being some kind of influencer doesn’t change that. Spend less time trying to influence and appear wise, and more time thinking before you say things that are obvious to anyone with an IQ above 80. Posting pictures of you teaching something. Ah yes, nothing shows off your experience and intelligence like showing that you can teach a crowd of people something. Bonus points if you try and share an insight, as though we were all waiting with baited breath for your advice. Here’s a hot tip, people do it every day. They’re called teachers. Huzzah for you that you know enough to teach something, but trying to milk respect and influence by putting it on LinkedIn is a bit much. It’s as transparent as when Homer Simpson ran up to every stranger before saying “can’t talk now, I have a class to teach!” At least when he did it, it was funny. The job announcement post. No, not just the “I got a job at x company and I’m so excited!” I think we can all be happy for that person. No, I’m talking about the job announcement that’s a freaking essay. “After x years doing y, I thought it was time for a new challenge. I’m so excited to announce I’ll be taking up a position as z. This company does such important work in blah blah blah.” Wow, you’re pleased to announce? Holy shit, this is mega level douchery. Thanks for informing us, the little people, of your grand achievement and next move. We were all wondering what it was going to be. This is always the power type who’s going to a senior position, and assumes by virtue of their status that people actually give a flying shit. Imagine having to work for them. “<Course that no one has ever heard of> completed! SO proud to work with these people!” See also “<Company> conference complete, that’s a wrap!” Uh, so you did a course? That’s dynamite. Do you have something to share beyond that? Was there something really interesting about the course, or you just felt the need to tell everyone about it? Why do you think people need to hear that you just had a conference? This is the equivalent of the Facebook friend who checks in at the dentist.

I’ll end with one that isn’t from people, but LinkedIn itself: sending me notifications that I became contacts with someone x years ago and should connect with them. Jesus, talk about the needy friend who will just say anything to try and get your attention…

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