CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

In a radical new effort to avoid Michael Daleying his Steven Bradbury, Labor leader Bill Shorten has today looked to fill a gaping black hole in his public persona.

Well known for lacking a characteristic set of behaviours, cognitions, and emotional patterns that evolve from biological and environmental factors, Shorten has today purchased a membership at the Essendon F45 gym.

Often referred to as ‘The Jonestown Of Fitness’ – group fitness franchise F45 has for many years been seen as a perfectly good replacement for a personality, and or social life, for the thousands of office workers who take part in their programmes.

“Haha. I’ve got training this arvo” said Bill Shorten, during a press conference about his party’s position on not having a position on the Adani mine, or the Murray Darling river.

The Opposition Leader who after finally became a household name after three years in the role when Malcolm Turnbull called him a sycophant, says he’s excited to at least have his fitness regime to talk about.

“I don’t mind the music. It’s pretty good haha”

With the Nightwatchman currently dominating the Prime Bradbury in all forms of campaigning, it remains to be seen as to whether or not simply joining a gym will be enough for people to remember Bill Shorten’s name come election time.

“I’m also, like, really getting into Joe Rogan” he said, in an effort to bring even more energy to the brutally boring press conference.

“Haha. Do you watch John Oliver too?”

Shorten’s office said they are also not ruling out the possibility of the Prime Bradbury ‘doing a shoey’ over the next few months.