ES Lifestyle newsletter The latest lifestyle, fashion and travel trends Enter your email address Continue Please enter an email address Email address is invalid Fill out this field Email address is invalid You already have an account. Please log in Register with your social account or click here to log in I would like to receive trends and interviews from fashion, lifestyle to travel every week, by email Update newsletter preferences

Understatement of the century: Sexuality is complicated. If we’ve learned anything in the past few years, it’s that the notion of binary sexuality is not only limiting; it totally disregards reality. But while we’ve opened up our minds about the space between "gay" and "straight" labels, it seems that people often forget about another orientation that may not fit as neatly onto that spectrum: asexuality.

Defined simply, asexuality and aromanticism refer to people who lack the desire to have sexual and romantic relationships with other people. Historically, there has been very little research dedicated to understanding the asexual/aromantic community (also known as the ace/aro community), in large part because it undermines what many psychoanalysts have been telling us for so long: that sex is the most essential of human desires. (How's it going, Freud?)

Thanks to the growth of online ace/aro communities on Twitter, Tumblr, and Reddit in recent years, local meetups and national organisations have formed at an unprecedented rate. The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), the largest and most established of these organisations, estimates that approximately 1% of the world’s population identifies as asexual based on a 2004 survey of 195 people. Of that population, roughly a third also identifies as trans, non-binary, or gender non-conforming.

Of course, since sexual and gender identity can be a charged topic, it’s hard to get an accurate estimate of how many people out there don’t identify as "gay," "straight," or anything in between. But it’s safe to say that there are plenty of people whose stories are often absent from the public narrative on sexuality.

So we decided to speak to a few people from the ace/aro community to get a deeper understanding. If we’ve been told that so much of the human experience is influenced by a motivation for sex and romantic love, what does life look like when this motivation isn’t there?

Ahead, five people explain what being asexual in your 20s and 30s is really like.

Sophie, 22

Where do you fall on the ace/aro spectrum and what does that mean to you?

"I identify as grey asexual (grey ace) and grey aromantic (grey aro). ‘Grey’ means that I fall between the two poles of a spectrum: I don't completely lack sexual and romantic attraction, but their occurrence is rare enough that I feel I fall under the asexual and aromantic umbrellas.

"A lot of aces, including me, identify as autochorrissexual, which means that I feel a disconnect between myself and the people who arouse me. I may watch porn or have sexual fantasies, but I don’t have any desire to participate in the actual activities."

Can you tell me a little bit about when you first told friends and family about your asexuality and how they reacted?

"I have a memory of being in the car with my mum and sister and telling them I thought I was asexual. My mum responded with, ‘You're just a late bloomer,’ and my sister said, ‘You just haven't met the right guy yet.’ They meant to comfort me, so I guess they heard asexual as a bad thing. That type of response is typical for aces trying to come out. Pretty invalidating, like hearing, ‘Don't worry, you're a Normal Heterosexual for sure!’ It's hard, because I still struggle with a tiny part of me that says that exact thing. We're so conditioned by the media and our culture to think in terms of that relationship structure that people who identify outside of it grapple with self-doubt."

What are some of the most common misconceptions of asexuality?

"I revealed a few already: we're late bloomers, we haven't met the right person yet, we've suffered trauma, we have something wrong physiologically, we're lying, we're repressed, we just need a good lay, we're emotionless/unfeeling, we're a weird pro-celibacy group, we're sex-negative (sex-repulsion is personal, so it doesn't count in the first place)."

How is your perspective different from someone who might identify with the dominant narrative of sexual and romantic relationships?

"There's an idea that we just don't get how attractions work, that we know nothing of sex and love. This is false. We are probably more aware of the cultural templates surrounding sex and romance. We don't fit snugly, if at all, so we're in a spot to observe and learn patterns from the margins. Just, these learnings can't fully be tied back to personal experience. Stories of sex and love aren't lost on us. Finding them captivating is a reflection of our culture's fascination."

Bauer, 27

Where do you fall on the Ace/Aro spectrum and what does that mean to you?

"I’m asexual; I’m potentially a little bit grey. That means that I’m not sexually attracted to people, I have no need, and I’m really excited that I never have to have sex again."

Can you tell me a little bit about when you first told friends and family about your asexuality and how they reacted?

"My mum told me that sex wasn’t terrible always, which I thought was hilarious. It was the first time I ever talked about sex with my mum, so it was like the opposite of most sex conversations. And my sister kind of held out hope that I wouldn’t be [asexual] for a while, until I started dating, because she didn’t want me to end up by myself."

What are some of the most common misconceptions of asexuality?

"Some of the people I’ve been with in a sexual relationship, even when I tell them that I’m asexual, I can tell they’re like ‘Okay, that’s cool,’ but there’s this hope that I’m gonna grow to be more excited about it. I’m like, ‘I’m literally here for you and no other reason — that’s why I’m participating in this activity.’ But that sometimes doesn’t cut it for other people, because wanting to please your partner is a really big part of sex. I didn’t know how big a part it was until I, like, needed to pretend to be very excited. And so it sort of felt like this expectation of maybe someday I’ll gradually ease into it — and I just never did."

How is your perspective different from someone who might identify with the dominant narrative of sexual and romantic relationships?

"There are a lot of things I don’t notice, [things] that just go over my head. I have to remind myself to look for these things, because other people see it as sexual when I don’t.

"I forget that my body is a sexual thing for other people, and then I am reminded all the time. I don’t see that, because I don’t want to, and there’s not much I can do about it. So yeah, the rude awakening of remembering that your body is a sexual object to other people is irritating. But that might be irritating regardless."

Julia, 24

Where do you fall on the ace/aro spectrum and what does that mean to you?

"I am pretty much completely asexual. No sexual attraction. Also pretty much no sex drive at all. That’s not always an ace thing, but that’s definitely a me thing.

"I’m possibly somewhere on the aromantic spectrum, but I can’t figure that out right now… It’s very confusing, because defining what romance even is is difficult, especially when you’re not sure if you’ve ever felt it."

Can you tell me a little bit about when you first told friends and family about your asexuality and how they reacted?

"I’ve been really lucky in that most of the [friends] I’ve come out to already knew what it was, so there haven’t been many awkward conversations where I’ve have to teach them everything about what asexuality is, because that gets tiring really fast. That’s exactly why I haven’t told my parents yet, because I’m probably going to have to explain everything to them, and that’s not really a conversation I want to have.

"I did have one weird reaction. I mentioned it to my roommate in passing, and she said something like, ‘I wish I could be asexual.' And I was just like, ‘That’s a weird thing to say. I don’t think you actually want that.’ That’s not how that works. You do not actually want to have the problems that I have."

What are some of the most common misconceptions of asexuality?

"People just think we’re making it up for the attention. I don’t even think those people are thinking about the words coming out of their mouths, because the kind of attention that we get is: 'Oh, that type of person doesn’t exist' or 'Oh, you’re just making it up.' Who wants that kind of attention? It just makes no sense to me that people think that that would be a reason. And there’s other people who say 'Oh, that just means you’re an unfeeling robot.'"

How is your perspective different from someone who might identify with the dominant narrative of sexual and romantic relationships?

"I’ve definitely been flirted with and totally didn’t recognise it at the time. Like, I’ll be talking to somebody, and then I’ll get home hours later and be like, Wait a minute — was that guy hitting on me? I think he was hitting on me. Goddamnit. I don’t notice these things!

"And when there’s romantic tension in movies, I can’t see it. I have a really hard time seeing it. I’ve gotten a little bit better about it over time, but that’s just a factor of noticing what other people say about markers of romantic tension, and then being like, Oh, these characters are staring into each other’s eyes. That means they like each other. Okay, I see it now. But it’s not something instinctive to me. I had to learn it."

Kristin, 21

Where do you fall on the ace/aro spectrum and what does that mean to you?

"I’m demi-romantic and demi-sexual, which means that I very, very rarely experience sexual or romantic attraction, and then only if I’m very, very emotionally close to the person already."

Can you tell me a little bit about when you first told friends and family about your sexuality and how they reacted?

"I had a very not-fun experience when I came out to a close friend of mine whom I was romantically and sexually attracted to. This person knew that, and he decided he wanted to have sex with me just so that I would know that sex wasn’t bad. But he didn’t tell me this until afterward. We didn’t end up actually having sex, but we hooked up and afterward he was like, 'I just wanted to show you that sex didn’t have to be a negative thing.' And I was like, 'I fucking know that sex doesn’t have to be a negative thing. I didn’t need you to show me.'"

What are some of the most common misconceptions of asexuality?

"You get weird reactions where some people think that, because you’ve not had a good experience with sex, or any experience with sex, it’s just that you don’t know what you’re missing. And then, sometimes, they take it into their own hands and think it’s okay to try and figure that out for themselves."

How is your perspective different from someone who might identify with the dominant narrative of sexual and romantic relationships?

"I enjoy fashion and makeup, but it’s an intensely personal thing to me. It’s not about other people. So like, I’ve never put on a face of makeup or tried on a dress and been like, Mmm yeah, I’m gonna attract a lot of people with this. It’s about me, and not about what other people will think about how I look. And actually, sometimes, I get that intense awareness, because I’ll dress however I dress, and then I’ll walk outside and I’ll see people looking at me and I’ll be like, Do I have something in my teeth? [The way I dress] is not tied to making someone else look at me differently or think I’m pretty. That’s not on my radar."

Inspiring British women on Instagram 21 show all Inspiring British women on Instagram 1/21 1. Adwoa Aboah Model and founder of GURLS TALK @adwoaaboah @adwoaaboah "My story starts in London. I was born there. I’ve spent most of my life there. It is my home. Instagram has helped me connect to girls all over the world, it has given me a platform to share my story, speak my truths and give other girls the opportunity to do the same." "My story starts in London. I was born there. I’ve spent most of my life there. It is my home. Instagram has helped me connect to girls all over the world, it has given me a platform to share my story, speak my truths and give other girls the opportunity to do the same." @adwoaaboah 2/21 2. Lucille Clerc Illustrator @lucille_clerc @lucille_clerc "My story reflects my experience as an illustrator between two cultures, being French and living in London. It’s a door to my sketchbook, my personal research and techniques, and a way to raise attention on topics that matter to me." "My story reflects my experience as an illustrator between two cultures, being French and living in London. It’s a door to my sketchbook, my personal research and techniques, and a way to raise attention on topics that matter to me." @lucille_clerc 3/21 3. Mabel McVey Musician @mabelmcvey @mabelmcvey "Strong female role models have always been very important to me and my story. When looking at a camera, it isn’t about a man being on the other end, it’s about me. It’s about feeling positive about myself and I want other young women to feel confident about themselves too." "Strong female role models have always been very important to me and my story. When looking at a camera, it isn’t about a man being on the other end, it’s about me. It’s about feeling positive about myself and I want other young women to feel confident about themselves too." @mabelmcvey 4/21 4. Glacier Girl Activist @glacier996girl @glacier996girl "My story is about raising awareness for climate change and adapting the aesthetic of eco-friendly to appeal to the iGeneration." "My story is about raising awareness for climate change and adapting the aesthetic of eco-friendly to appeal to the iGeneration." @glacier996girl 5/21 5. Gill Button Artist @buttonfruit @buttonfruit "I’m a compulsive painter of faces. I seek to portray the confidence and power that people gain through self-adornment, but I always aim to show a hint of inner vulnerability. Instagram is the perfect environment to post my paintings and drawings. It’s fantastic to get an instant reaction to new paintings I’ve been working on, and it spurs me on to keep creating. The community of artists I’m lucky enough to be part of is the most inspirational and supportive I’ve known since leaving art college. It is also amazing that so many international clients find me on Instagram which has given my career a brand new lease of life." "I’m a compulsive painter of faces. I seek to portray the confidence and power that people gain through self-adornment, but I always aim to show a hint of inner vulnerability. Instagram is the perfect environment to post my paintings and drawings. It’s fantastic to get an instant reaction to new paintings I’ve been working on, and it spurs me on to keep creating. The community of artists I’m lucky enough to be part of is the most inspirational and supportive I’ve known since leaving art college. It is also amazing that so many international clients find me on Instagram which has given my career a brand new lease of life." @buttonfruit 6/21 6. Iska Lawrence Model @iamiskra @iamiskra "My story is about showing the world that you can stand up for yourself when trolls or online bullies try and attack you and bring you down. Instagram has completely changed my life, opening up opportunities in my career and allowing me to find my voice. When I began posting honest and un-retouched photos on Instagram, I received hundreds and eventually thousands of supportive messages and comments. I felt more confident about my body and most importantly found a platform I could use to help others who struggle with body image and self-esteem." "My story is about showing the world that you can stand up for yourself when trolls or online bullies try and attack you and bring you down. Instagram has completely changed my life, opening up opportunities in my career and allowing me to find my voice. When I began posting honest and un-retouched photos on Instagram, I received hundreds and eventually thousands of supportive messages and comments. I felt more confident about my body and most importantly found a platform I could use to help others who struggle with body image and self-esteem." @iamiskra 7/21 7. Becky Jane Brown Vlogger and artist @BeckieJBrown @BeckieJBrown "My story is that I battle depression and trichotillomania, where I’m compelled to tear out all my hair. I strive to create more awareness for my disorder, whilst trying to bring hope to other sufferers around the world. I mainly use Instagram to document small but important moments from each day of my life, a combination of sad and uplifting experiences but all important regardless. My main focus is to show others that no matter what conditions or disorders we have, we can have normal lives and be happy." "My story is that I battle depression and trichotillomania, where I’m compelled to tear out all my hair. I strive to create more awareness for my disorder, whilst trying to bring hope to other sufferers around the world. I mainly use Instagram to document small but important moments from each day of my life, a combination of sad and uplifting experiences but all important regardless. My main focus is to show others that no matter what conditions or disorders we have, we can have normal lives and be happy." @BeckieJBrown 8/21 8. Nicky Baker Shepherdess @therunningshepherdess "My story is about a woman working in a predominantly male environment. I hope that it shows that although I may not be as physically strong as the men working on the farm, I am just as capable." @therunningshepherdess "My story is about a woman working in a predominantly male environment. I hope that it shows that although I may not be as physically strong as the men working on the farm, I am just as capable." @therunningshepherdess 9/21 9. Rachel Siegfried Flower farmer @gandgorgeousflowers @gandgorgeousflowers "My story captures a life in flowers on our flower farm in Oxfordshire. I strive to show the changing seasons through ‘palette’ of flowers and foliage that I grow which I use to inspire and create my floral designs. Instagram has helped me to champion British cut flowers and share how we sustainable grow them to produce naturally beautiful and stylish designs which reflect our gardens and landscape." "My story captures a life in flowers on our flower farm in Oxfordshire. I strive to show the changing seasons through ‘palette’ of flowers and foliage that I grow which I use to inspire and create my floral designs. Instagram has helped me to champion British cut flowers and share how we sustainable grow them to produce naturally beautiful and stylish designs which reflect our gardens and landscape." @gandgorgeousflowers 10/21 10. Jools Walker Cyclist @ladyvelo @ladyvelo "My stories is a narrative of my life on two wheels. Through my combination of positive images and words, I aim to redefine what the stereotype of ‘cycling’ is and use my voice to encourage other women to do the same. Instagram has given me a platform to show diversity in cycling does exist. It allows me to reach other to other everyday women and inspire them to get out there and ride, smash stereotypes along the way and encourage them to share their stories." "My stories is a narrative of my life on two wheels. Through my combination of positive images and words, I aim to redefine what the stereotype of ‘cycling’ is and use my voice to encourage other women to do the same. Instagram has given me a platform to show diversity in cycling does exist. It allows me to reach other to other everyday women and inspire them to get out there and ride, smash stereotypes along the way and encourage them to share their stories." @ladyvelo 11/21 11. Carrie Anne Roberts Entrepreneur @mre.soeur @mre.soeur "My story is about life as a single mother and small business owner. I believe in the power of sisterhood and the importance of sharing stories so I try to stay extremely candid with my posts, exposing the struggles and triumphs of motherhood and the early stages of a creative brand. I’m passionate about forming real connections, celebrating women and throwing out waves of positivity and self-acceptance in order to build a sense of community." "My story is about life as a single mother and small business owner. I believe in the power of sisterhood and the importance of sharing stories so I try to stay extremely candid with my posts, exposing the struggles and triumphs of motherhood and the early stages of a creative brand. I’m passionate about forming real connections, celebrating women and throwing out waves of positivity and self-acceptance in order to build a sense of community." @mre.soeur 12/21 12. Olivia Bradbury Student @mathsbiochem @mathsbiochem "My story captures the changing attitudes towards teenage girls taking traditionally male-dominated subjects in school; showing them that subjects don’t come with a gender." "My story captures the changing attitudes towards teenage girls taking traditionally male-dominated subjects in school; showing them that subjects don’t come with a gender." @mathsbiochem 13/21 13. Viviana Gomez Morales Skateboarder @ViviGomez12 @ViviGomez12 "My story captures the strength and versatility of female skaters. In the world of skateboarding it’s common for a guy to say he’s never seen a girl skateboarder. I hope that my photographs shine a light on the amazing ladies who are out there ripping the streets and encourage other women to get involved." "My story captures the strength and versatility of female skaters. In the world of skateboarding it’s common for a guy to say he’s never seen a girl skateboarder. I hope that my photographs shine a light on the amazing ladies who are out there ripping the streets and encourage other women to get involved." @ViviGomez12 14/21 14. Sisters Uncut Activists @sistersuncut @sistersuncut "Sisters Uncut is an intersectional feminist direct-action group that campaigns against cuts to domestic violence services in the UK. We often post photos of our actions on Instagram because it’s a way for us to share our demands amongst a wide audience. The further we can spread our message the more we can build a movement and reach people who might not have heard about us otherwise. It’s important that we show our Sisters that we are fighting for and alongside them, and by capturing our actions and sharing them on Instagram people can connect with what we are doing online. There are many women and non-binary people on Instagram who inspire and encourage us." "Sisters Uncut is an intersectional feminist direct-action group that campaigns against cuts to domestic violence services in the UK. We often post photos of our actions on Instagram because it’s a way for us to share our demands amongst a wide audience. The further we can spread our message the more we can build a movement and reach people who might not have heard about us otherwise. It’s important that we show our Sisters that we are fighting for and alongside them, and by capturing our actions and sharing them on Instagram people can connect with what we are doing online. There are many women and non-binary people on Instagram who inspire and encourage us." @sistersuncut 15/21 15. Munroe Bergdorf Activist and DJ @munroebergdorf @munroebergdorf "My story is one of self-empowerment and self-belief. Growing up, there weren’t any aspirational trans women of colour in the media I could relate to, so hopefully through documenting my achievements and experiences I can show younger trans girls and boys that their gender isn’t something that should stand in the way of what they want to accomplish in life." "My story is one of self-empowerment and self-belief. Growing up, there weren’t any aspirational trans women of colour in the media I could relate to, so hopefully through documenting my achievements and experiences I can show younger trans girls and boys that their gender isn’t something that should stand in the way of what they want to accomplish in life." @munroebergdorf 16/21 16. Helen Downie Artist @Unskilledworker @Unskilledworker "My story is about me waking up to painting at the age of 48 and committing and being disciplined to the action. I have learned more about myself through this process than in any other experience in my life. I post my work to Instagram and I consider it finished. At this point I am able to see the work outside of the environment it was created and in doing so, I gain a new perspective. Instagram has cut out the traditional gatekeepers which allows for my work to be seen by a wider audience." "My story is about me waking up to painting at the age of 48 and committing and being disciplined to the action. I have learned more about myself through this process than in any other experience in my life. I post my work to Instagram and I consider it finished. At this point I am able to see the work outside of the environment it was created and in doing so, I gain a new perspective. Instagram has cut out the traditional gatekeepers which allows for my work to be seen by a wider audience." @Unskilledworker 17/21 17. Molly Gunn Entrepreneur @SelfishMother @SelfishMother "My story is since 2011. The year I had my firstborn, Rafferty. The year I was a mixed-up new mum. The year I discovered sanity lay in my sense of self. The year my blogzine and brand Selfish Mother was born. Instagram is a window to Selfish Mother. A way to connect with our likeminded tribe." "My story is since 2011. The year I had my firstborn, Rafferty. The year I was a mixed-up new mum. The year I discovered sanity lay in my sense of self. The year my blogzine and brand Selfish Mother was born. Instagram is a window to Selfish Mother. A way to connect with our likeminded tribe." @SelfishMother 18/21 18. Dina Torika Designer and Vlogger @dinatokio @dinatokio "My story is all about inspiring women through style, in particular the Muslim modest dresser that loves expressing her individuality. Deconstructing the stereotype that the woman in a ‘hijab’ is oppressed and reinventing what it means to be a British Muslim woman in today’s society." "My story is all about inspiring women through style, in particular the Muslim modest dresser that loves expressing her individuality. Deconstructing the stereotype that the woman in a ‘hijab’ is oppressed and reinventing what it means to be a British Muslim woman in today’s society." @dinatokio 19/21 19. Davorka Andjelic Artist @tilly2milly @tilly2milly "I use Instagram as a platform to connect with inspiring and creative people around the world. My main theme is paper dolls, which I make using magazines and newspapers. For me they represent a connection with ‘raw emotion’ to which only children are privileged. They express my emotions of joy, sadness, hope and fear. Because of Instagram I started taking them on my travels and it is truly wonderful to find little corners of the world where they look ‘at home’." "I use Instagram as a platform to connect with inspiring and creative people around the world. My main theme is paper dolls, which I make using magazines and newspapers. For me they represent a connection with ‘raw emotion’ to which only children are privileged. They express my emotions of joy, sadness, hope and fear. Because of Instagram I started taking them on my travels and it is truly wonderful to find little corners of the world where they look ‘at home’." @tilly2milly 20/21 20. Jaz O’Hara Activist @theworldwidetribe @theworldwidetribe "My story demonstrates how love and compassion come out on top. Despite the most difficult circumstances, humanity will prevail. My story took me on a journey from working in fashion in London, to living in a refugee camp in Calais, France after a post I wrote about my first visit there went viral. My story is about encouraging and inspiring responsibility and power within each of us to stand up for what we believe and create positive change." "My story demonstrates how love and compassion come out on top. Despite the most difficult circumstances, humanity will prevail. My story took me on a journey from working in fashion in London, to living in a refugee camp in Calais, France after a post I wrote about my first visit there went viral. My story is about encouraging and inspiring responsibility and power within each of us to stand up for what we believe and create positive change." @theworldwidetribe 21/21 22. Amber Kirk-Ford Blogger @themilelongbookshelf @themilelongbookshelf "My story is about the importance of literature and how reading the right book can change your life. My aim is to show how fun and brilliant books can be and that they’re not boring, dusty tomes you might remember with dread from school." "My story is about the importance of literature and how reading the right book can change your life. My aim is to show how fun and brilliant books can be and that they’re not boring, dusty tomes you might remember with dread from school." @themilelongbookshelf 1/21 1. Adwoa Aboah Model and founder of GURLS TALK @adwoaaboah @adwoaaboah "My story starts in London. I was born there. I’ve spent most of my life there. It is my home. Instagram has helped me connect to girls all over the world, it has given me a platform to share my story, speak my truths and give other girls the opportunity to do the same." "My story starts in London. I was born there. I’ve spent most of my life there. It is my home. Instagram has helped me connect to girls all over the world, it has given me a platform to share my story, speak my truths and give other girls the opportunity to do the same." @adwoaaboah 2/21 2. Lucille Clerc Illustrator @lucille_clerc @lucille_clerc "My story reflects my experience as an illustrator between two cultures, being French and living in London. It’s a door to my sketchbook, my personal research and techniques, and a way to raise attention on topics that matter to me." "My story reflects my experience as an illustrator between two cultures, being French and living in London. It’s a door to my sketchbook, my personal research and techniques, and a way to raise attention on topics that matter to me." @lucille_clerc 3/21 3. Mabel McVey Musician @mabelmcvey @mabelmcvey "Strong female role models have always been very important to me and my story. When looking at a camera, it isn’t about a man being on the other end, it’s about me. It’s about feeling positive about myself and I want other young women to feel confident about themselves too." "Strong female role models have always been very important to me and my story. When looking at a camera, it isn’t about a man being on the other end, it’s about me. It’s about feeling positive about myself and I want other young women to feel confident about themselves too." @mabelmcvey 4/21 4. Glacier Girl Activist @glacier996girl @glacier996girl "My story is about raising awareness for climate change and adapting the aesthetic of eco-friendly to appeal to the iGeneration." "My story is about raising awareness for climate change and adapting the aesthetic of eco-friendly to appeal to the iGeneration." @glacier996girl 5/21 5. Gill Button Artist @buttonfruit @buttonfruit "I’m a compulsive painter of faces. I seek to portray the confidence and power that people gain through self-adornment, but I always aim to show a hint of inner vulnerability. Instagram is the perfect environment to post my paintings and drawings. It’s fantastic to get an instant reaction to new paintings I’ve been working on, and it spurs me on to keep creating. The community of artists I’m lucky enough to be part of is the most inspirational and supportive I’ve known since leaving art college. It is also amazing that so many international clients find me on Instagram which has given my career a brand new lease of life." "I’m a compulsive painter of faces. I seek to portray the confidence and power that people gain through self-adornment, but I always aim to show a hint of inner vulnerability. Instagram is the perfect environment to post my paintings and drawings. It’s fantastic to get an instant reaction to new paintings I’ve been working on, and it spurs me on to keep creating. The community of artists I’m lucky enough to be part of is the most inspirational and supportive I’ve known since leaving art college. It is also amazing that so many international clients find me on Instagram which has given my career a brand new lease of life." @buttonfruit 6/21 6. Iska Lawrence Model @iamiskra @iamiskra "My story is about showing the world that you can stand up for yourself when trolls or online bullies try and attack you and bring you down. Instagram has completely changed my life, opening up opportunities in my career and allowing me to find my voice. When I began posting honest and un-retouched photos on Instagram, I received hundreds and eventually thousands of supportive messages and comments. I felt more confident about my body and most importantly found a platform I could use to help others who struggle with body image and self-esteem." "My story is about showing the world that you can stand up for yourself when trolls or online bullies try and attack you and bring you down. Instagram has completely changed my life, opening up opportunities in my career and allowing me to find my voice. When I began posting honest and un-retouched photos on Instagram, I received hundreds and eventually thousands of supportive messages and comments. I felt more confident about my body and most importantly found a platform I could use to help others who struggle with body image and self-esteem." @iamiskra 7/21 7. Becky Jane Brown Vlogger and artist @BeckieJBrown @BeckieJBrown "My story is that I battle depression and trichotillomania, where I’m compelled to tear out all my hair. I strive to create more awareness for my disorder, whilst trying to bring hope to other sufferers around the world. I mainly use Instagram to document small but important moments from each day of my life, a combination of sad and uplifting experiences but all important regardless. My main focus is to show others that no matter what conditions or disorders we have, we can have normal lives and be happy." "My story is that I battle depression and trichotillomania, where I’m compelled to tear out all my hair. I strive to create more awareness for my disorder, whilst trying to bring hope to other sufferers around the world. I mainly use Instagram to document small but important moments from each day of my life, a combination of sad and uplifting experiences but all important regardless. My main focus is to show others that no matter what conditions or disorders we have, we can have normal lives and be happy." @BeckieJBrown 8/21 8. Nicky Baker Shepherdess @therunningshepherdess "My story is about a woman working in a predominantly male environment. I hope that it shows that although I may not be as physically strong as the men working on the farm, I am just as capable." @therunningshepherdess "My story is about a woman working in a predominantly male environment. I hope that it shows that although I may not be as physically strong as the men working on the farm, I am just as capable." @therunningshepherdess 9/21 9. Rachel Siegfried Flower farmer @gandgorgeousflowers @gandgorgeousflowers "My story captures a life in flowers on our flower farm in Oxfordshire. I strive to show the changing seasons through ‘palette’ of flowers and foliage that I grow which I use to inspire and create my floral designs. Instagram has helped me to champion British cut flowers and share how we sustainable grow them to produce naturally beautiful and stylish designs which reflect our gardens and landscape." "My story captures a life in flowers on our flower farm in Oxfordshire. I strive to show the changing seasons through ‘palette’ of flowers and foliage that I grow which I use to inspire and create my floral designs. Instagram has helped me to champion British cut flowers and share how we sustainable grow them to produce naturally beautiful and stylish designs which reflect our gardens and landscape." @gandgorgeousflowers 10/21 10. Jools Walker Cyclist @ladyvelo @ladyvelo "My stories is a narrative of my life on two wheels. Through my combination of positive images and words, I aim to redefine what the stereotype of ‘cycling’ is and use my voice to encourage other women to do the same. Instagram has given me a platform to show diversity in cycling does exist. It allows me to reach other to other everyday women and inspire them to get out there and ride, smash stereotypes along the way and encourage them to share their stories." "My stories is a narrative of my life on two wheels. Through my combination of positive images and words, I aim to redefine what the stereotype of ‘cycling’ is and use my voice to encourage other women to do the same. Instagram has given me a platform to show diversity in cycling does exist. It allows me to reach other to other everyday women and inspire them to get out there and ride, smash stereotypes along the way and encourage them to share their stories." @ladyvelo 11/21 11. Carrie Anne Roberts Entrepreneur @mre.soeur @mre.soeur "My story is about life as a single mother and small business owner. I believe in the power of sisterhood and the importance of sharing stories so I try to stay extremely candid with my posts, exposing the struggles and triumphs of motherhood and the early stages of a creative brand. I’m passionate about forming real connections, celebrating women and throwing out waves of positivity and self-acceptance in order to build a sense of community." "My story is about life as a single mother and small business owner. I believe in the power of sisterhood and the importance of sharing stories so I try to stay extremely candid with my posts, exposing the struggles and triumphs of motherhood and the early stages of a creative brand. I’m passionate about forming real connections, celebrating women and throwing out waves of positivity and self-acceptance in order to build a sense of community." @mre.soeur 12/21 12. Olivia Bradbury Student @mathsbiochem @mathsbiochem "My story captures the changing attitudes towards teenage girls taking traditionally male-dominated subjects in school; showing them that subjects don’t come with a gender." "My story captures the changing attitudes towards teenage girls taking traditionally male-dominated subjects in school; showing them that subjects don’t come with a gender." @mathsbiochem 13/21 13. Viviana Gomez Morales Skateboarder @ViviGomez12 @ViviGomez12 "My story captures the strength and versatility of female skaters. In the world of skateboarding it’s common for a guy to say he’s never seen a girl skateboarder. I hope that my photographs shine a light on the amazing ladies who are out there ripping the streets and encourage other women to get involved." "My story captures the strength and versatility of female skaters. In the world of skateboarding it’s common for a guy to say he’s never seen a girl skateboarder. I hope that my photographs shine a light on the amazing ladies who are out there ripping the streets and encourage other women to get involved." @ViviGomez12 14/21 14. Sisters Uncut Activists @sistersuncut @sistersuncut "Sisters Uncut is an intersectional feminist direct-action group that campaigns against cuts to domestic violence services in the UK. We often post photos of our actions on Instagram because it’s a way for us to share our demands amongst a wide audience. The further we can spread our message the more we can build a movement and reach people who might not have heard about us otherwise. It’s important that we show our Sisters that we are fighting for and alongside them, and by capturing our actions and sharing them on Instagram people can connect with what we are doing online. There are many women and non-binary people on Instagram who inspire and encourage us." "Sisters Uncut is an intersectional feminist direct-action group that campaigns against cuts to domestic violence services in the UK. We often post photos of our actions on Instagram because it’s a way for us to share our demands amongst a wide audience. The further we can spread our message the more we can build a movement and reach people who might not have heard about us otherwise. It’s important that we show our Sisters that we are fighting for and alongside them, and by capturing our actions and sharing them on Instagram people can connect with what we are doing online. There are many women and non-binary people on Instagram who inspire and encourage us." @sistersuncut 15/21 15. Munroe Bergdorf Activist and DJ @munroebergdorf @munroebergdorf "My story is one of self-empowerment and self-belief. Growing up, there weren’t any aspirational trans women of colour in the media I could relate to, so hopefully through documenting my achievements and experiences I can show younger trans girls and boys that their gender isn’t something that should stand in the way of what they want to accomplish in life." "My story is one of self-empowerment and self-belief. Growing up, there weren’t any aspirational trans women of colour in the media I could relate to, so hopefully through documenting my achievements and experiences I can show younger trans girls and boys that their gender isn’t something that should stand in the way of what they want to accomplish in life." @munroebergdorf 16/21 16. Helen Downie Artist @Unskilledworker @Unskilledworker "My story is about me waking up to painting at the age of 48 and committing and being disciplined to the action. I have learned more about myself through this process than in any other experience in my life. I post my work to Instagram and I consider it finished. At this point I am able to see the work outside of the environment it was created and in doing so, I gain a new perspective. Instagram has cut out the traditional gatekeepers which allows for my work to be seen by a wider audience." "My story is about me waking up to painting at the age of 48 and committing and being disciplined to the action. I have learned more about myself through this process than in any other experience in my life. I post my work to Instagram and I consider it finished. At this point I am able to see the work outside of the environment it was created and in doing so, I gain a new perspective. Instagram has cut out the traditional gatekeepers which allows for my work to be seen by a wider audience." @Unskilledworker 17/21 17. Molly Gunn Entrepreneur @SelfishMother @SelfishMother "My story is since 2011. The year I had my firstborn, Rafferty. The year I was a mixed-up new mum. The year I discovered sanity lay in my sense of self. The year my blogzine and brand Selfish Mother was born. Instagram is a window to Selfish Mother. A way to connect with our likeminded tribe." "My story is since 2011. The year I had my firstborn, Rafferty. The year I was a mixed-up new mum. The year I discovered sanity lay in my sense of self. The year my blogzine and brand Selfish Mother was born. Instagram is a window to Selfish Mother. A way to connect with our likeminded tribe." @SelfishMother 18/21 18. Dina Torika Designer and Vlogger @dinatokio @dinatokio "My story is all about inspiring women through style, in particular the Muslim modest dresser that loves expressing her individuality. Deconstructing the stereotype that the woman in a ‘hijab’ is oppressed and reinventing what it means to be a British Muslim woman in today’s society." "My story is all about inspiring women through style, in particular the Muslim modest dresser that loves expressing her individuality. Deconstructing the stereotype that the woman in a ‘hijab’ is oppressed and reinventing what it means to be a British Muslim woman in today’s society." @dinatokio 19/21 19. Davorka Andjelic Artist @tilly2milly @tilly2milly "I use Instagram as a platform to connect with inspiring and creative people around the world. My main theme is paper dolls, which I make using magazines and newspapers. For me they represent a connection with ‘raw emotion’ to which only children are privileged. They express my emotions of joy, sadness, hope and fear. Because of Instagram I started taking them on my travels and it is truly wonderful to find little corners of the world where they look ‘at home’." "I use Instagram as a platform to connect with inspiring and creative people around the world. My main theme is paper dolls, which I make using magazines and newspapers. For me they represent a connection with ‘raw emotion’ to which only children are privileged. They express my emotions of joy, sadness, hope and fear. Because of Instagram I started taking them on my travels and it is truly wonderful to find little corners of the world where they look ‘at home’." @tilly2milly 20/21 20. Jaz O’Hara Activist @theworldwidetribe @theworldwidetribe "My story demonstrates how love and compassion come out on top. Despite the most difficult circumstances, humanity will prevail. My story took me on a journey from working in fashion in London, to living in a refugee camp in Calais, France after a post I wrote about my first visit there went viral. My story is about encouraging and inspiring responsibility and power within each of us to stand up for what we believe and create positive change." "My story demonstrates how love and compassion come out on top. Despite the most difficult circumstances, humanity will prevail. My story took me on a journey from working in fashion in London, to living in a refugee camp in Calais, France after a post I wrote about my first visit there went viral. My story is about encouraging and inspiring responsibility and power within each of us to stand up for what we believe and create positive change." @theworldwidetribe 21/21 22. Amber Kirk-Ford Blogger @themilelongbookshelf @themilelongbookshelf "My story is about the importance of literature and how reading the right book can change your life. My aim is to show how fun and brilliant books can be and that they’re not boring, dusty tomes you might remember with dread from school." "My story is about the importance of literature and how reading the right book can change your life. My aim is to show how fun and brilliant books can be and that they’re not boring, dusty tomes you might remember with dread from school." @themilelongbookshelf

Lina, 30

Where do you fall on the ace/aro spectrum and what does that mean to you?

"I consider myself falling around the grey area of the ace spectrum, since although I have never experienced sexual desire or attraction, I'm not sex-averse or repulsed. So, while I haven't felt that sexual aspect in my past relationships, I'm still open to the possibility that I could feel that way towards someone."

Can you tell me a little bit about when you first told friends and family about your sexuality and how they reacted?

"It's been a bit of a mixed bag, and I haven't told many people, mostly because I feel like what I do or don't do in the bedroom is no one's business.

"One family friend, who does not know my orientation, but the topic came up in conversation, said she doesn't believe asexuality — any parts of its spectrum — is a real thing. I feel more comfortable talking about my sexuality with online friends, many of whom identify somewhere on the ace spectrum or as queer."

What are some of the most common misconceptions of asexuality?

"That being ace means you never have sex or are sex-repulsed/averse. That there's something wrong with an ace person, or that they can be ‘fixed.’ I've also seen some attitudes within the ace community that you're not ace if you have sex — an all-or-nothing mindset — or that ace people are more virtuous, since they don't experience something as base or carnal as sexual desire."

How is your perspective different from someone who might identify with the dominant narrative of sexual and romantic relationships?

"I'm not sure if it's more due to my personality or to my sexuality, but pursuing a relationship has never really been a priority for me. I've dated, I've had crushes, and have fallen in love, and while having a committed partner would be nice for companionship, I've never really been in a rush to get there. This has raised concerns for my family, which values the traditional narrative of getting married and having children. I feel like I'm becoming that weird person in the family — the aunt/cousin who is unwed and never brings a partner home.

"When it comes down to labels, since sex isn't a huge component of my identity, I don't feel like I completely fit in with the queer community."

Read More From Refinery29:

7 Tips To Help Your Hair Grow Faster

Fake A BBQ Taste With This Hack

The Medium Sized Woman Problem

Read the original article on Refinery 29 UK © 2016. Follow Refinery 29 UK on Twitter