Indiana officials basically call Kentucky a third-world country

Kentucky is now a third-world country, according to Indiana, which is ironic coming from a state that produced Mike Pence.

The Indiana State Department of Health is encouraging Hoosiers who are planning to spend time in Kentucky to first be vaccinated for hepatitis A. The same warning applies to Michigan.

This is what people are told before visiting Gambia or the Philippines, where it's also possible to be kidnapped by roving bands of violent criminals.

To be fair, Kentucky and Michigan, which borders Indiana to the north, are currently in the top five of states experiencing high rates of hepatitis A outbreaks. Which is weird because we don't have that many Chipotles.

It's still fairly rare and, more important, there are other things to worry about when visiting Kentucky.

Hoosiers should steer clear of Kentucky, especially Louisville, whenever it so much as drizzles because people lose their damn minds. During the nearly microscopic wet snow earlier this week, there were people driving 20 mph below the speed limit on Brook Street. That's the equivalent of being parked.

Watch out for Kentucky Man and Louisville Man, both of whom are giving Florida Man a run for his money. These guys are constantly up to no good, such as Thomas Gardener and his house parties or the guy who used a machete to get just one more beer. But nothing can top Florida Man.

Pollen. Literal blankets of pollen. In the summer it covers your car to the point where you'll need to clean your windshield, so imagine what it's doing to the inside of your nose. It's just like that M. Night Shyamalan movie where nature attacks, but maybe you got lucky and missed that one so here it is in a nutshell:

Fourth Street Live. I can't name one person who has said, "Anyone want to go to Fourth Street Live?" How does this generic collection of "fun" places to "eat" and "drink" still exist?

The worst-case scenario here is that the Indiana State Department of Health is absolutely ahead of the curve. According to every C-list post-apocalyptic movie on Netflix, this hepatitis outbreak is how the end times begin.

It starts with a few people getting sick, followed by widespread outbreaks. Then come remote quarantine camps that will be kept strictly hush-hush by the government until someone posts an Instagram story about one with the hashtags #hepAsux and #kissmeIdonthavehepA.

Then the virus mutates and the infected turn into a zombie-Usain Bolt hybrid, overrun the camps and wreak havoc on nearby small towns, building an army of hepatitis zombies who can run the 100 in 9.58 seconds.

In short, we're clearly all doomed unless someone arrives to save the day. But who?

Jeffrey Lee Puckett: 502-582-4160; jpuckett@courierjournal.com; Twitter: @JLeePuckett. Support strong local journalism by subscribing today: www.courier-journal.com/jeffreyl.