Operation Yellowhammer report is just project fear and should be ignored, insists government that wrote it

The leaked report about Operation Yellowhammer has been dismissed as ‘project fear’ by those who wrote it.

After the report on the probable consequences of a no-deal Brexit were leaked yesterday, senior government ministers for whom the document was specifically produced have rushed to dismiss it as nothing more than scaremongering by angry remoaners who should get over it.

Michael Gove, the Secretary of State for Cocaine, addressed reporters this morning saying, “Yes, this is our report, but it is simultaneously NOT our report, in so much as whoever wrote it, despite being instructed by us to do so, is clearly a remoaner who is fully committed to spreading project fear and talking down our great nation.

“The trouble we often find is that we ask our civil servants to write a report that predicts and outcome we all want it to, but in some cases, such as this one, they go away and actually research the facts and ask experts, like a bunch of namby-pamby liberals committed to scaremongering our fine nation.”

“When we said we wanted the truth, we meant the version of truth we’re telling people to believe, not the actual truth. This really isn’t difficult to follow.”

He concluded, “As such, we would therefore ask that the media kindly disregard this yellowhammer report and wait until Boris and I have finished making up our own version of it, which we will release to you sometime next week, or possibly this week if my speed dealer gets back to me soon.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!