thedeadflag:

noosance:

trans-love-rad-hate: misandry-mermaid: I don’t really know enough about or feel comfortable with this topic to comment on it, sorry. neither a lesbian or trans woman but I’ve seen this question (which almost immediately turns into a nasty fight) spring up multiple times and every time the answer is the same -

if you are repulsed because of trauma specifically, that’s neither your fault nor something you can help, and is, therefore, not transphobia.

I’m also neither a lesbian nor a trans woman. Here is what I understand from what I’ve heard trans women say: The issue with saying you wouldn’t have sex with a trans woman because you are penis-repulsed is the assumption being made about trans women’s genitals. Not all trans women have penises. It’s okay to not want to do things with penises, it’s not okay to not want to be with trans women because you assume they have penises. If you are a trans woman and you disagree with me, please don’t hesitate to speak up here or message me privately if that’s what you prefer. I’m always happy to be corrected and appreciate any and all input.

Adding onto this, there’s a certain entitlement displayed in such statements of “I’d never have sex with trans women, I’m penis-repulsed”.

Like, people have sexual boundaries, and that’s important to recognize, and sometimes those boundaries are over certain parts of their body and what kind of, if any, sexual acts will be involved there. I know plenty of people absolutely unwilling to partake in anal sex. I’ve known a number of people who were disgusted at the thought of giving oral to folks with vaginas and vulvas.



And in the above sort of statement, there’s a bit of entitlement that can be interpreted in at least two ways: “I’m going to have to interact with a penis”, or “If we’re to have sex, a penis will obviously have to be involved”. It’s a prediction that trans women will feel entitled in using their penises on this woman, or that the woman feels entitled to the whole of their sexual partner’s body in a sexual manner, and the fact that there’s a penis taints that all-access entitlement.

And the fact is, we’re NOT entitled to every inch of our partner’s bodies by default, and we shouldn’t expect that. Just like our partners aren’t entitled to do whatever they want to us without our consent. Did consent politics fly out the fucking window when I wasn’t looking, or something?



Additionally, there’s the expectation/assumption that trans women’s hypothetical penises are the exact same in function and form as cis men’s penises (I wonder where they got that from…the trans porn world, or the media-delivered assertion that trans women are really just cis men at their core…or maybe both!). Which, often enough, is laughably wrong. I could honestly go on for hours about this specific point, but I’ll save time and assert that those who DO hold firm that all penises are the same…they’re transphobic, and certainly transmisogynistic as well.



Not to mention that repulsion is disgust, which is almost wholly socialized into us. Which means it can, with enough effort, be unlearned. And while I’d never want any penis-repulsed person to have to interact with a penis, I would bet that a good chunk of them have transmisogyny tied into their repulsion of penises, and that it’d be important to make sure that goes away too if the person eventually does work at overcoming their trauma.

