Q: I love my wife dearly and would do almost anything for her. Except get a dog.

With our two boys in constant sports, we were never home enough to make it feasible, or fair to a dog.

We’d leave the house at 7 a.m. for soccer/baseball/etc. and not return until 8 p.m.

These boys were a lot of work over 20 years, work that I gladly took on.

Now that one’s in college and the other’s there in 18 months, my wife’s started dog talk.

Although I’m not a “dog person,” I’m not against the idea of a dog. But we’d been talking for years about when the boys are gone and we’d finally have time for some long weekends away, and maybe travel abroad like we did pre-children.

Finally, less commitments … and she wants a dog, which I consider a huge commitment: the hair, the muddy paws, the vet bills, scratched hardwood floors, etc.

I don’t want or need all that now that we’d be less tied down.

I’m torn between making her happy and avoiding another long-term daily commitment.

Paws to Consider?

A: She’s been as committed as you were to your sons’ activities and put aside her desire to bring a dog into your home life.

Now, she thinks it can be accommodated, even though you’ve discussed the freedoms of having weekends away and longer-term travel together.

Are your two interests impossible to align, when dog-sitters, doggie daycare, and even doggie camps can be found for short-term and longer absences?

So, it mostly comes down to the day-to-day tasks of pet care.

If you’re going to deny her something that matters a huge amount to her, over muddy paws (which she’ll be wiping as much as you), it isn’t going to help towards your “making-her-happy” goal.

Try to have the dog talk as her partner, not her adversary. Raise your concerns without over-exaggerating (i.e. it’s unlikely that you’ll be going “abroad” for months every year).

Instead, say that you’re seeking a renewed closeness with her, with less-strict schedule demands as were needed for the boys’ sports. And that you fear having a dog will re-introduce time constraints.

Then, hear her out. Lend some understanding to the “nest” theory – with both sons soon gone, she may be feeling an empty-nest sense of loss.

The fact that you don’t feel that way doesn’t make either one of you wrong or right.

Q: I’ve been dating this divorced guy, 32, for 18 months. I’m 30, never married.

Recently, at a bar, I played a joke on him that he didn’t think was funny. When we got home, he rejected me. At 5 a.m. the next day, he turned the TV on because I was snoring “too loudly,” which he said when I asked him nicely to turn it down.

I took offense, asking, “Do you snore?” He ghosted me yesterday by moving out. No apology, no talk.

I’d like to reach out but feel I shouldn’t have to because he decided to walk away, not me.

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Am I wrong? What happened? What should I do?

Ghosted

A: Sorry, but you set this up by playing a joke on him. When he didn’t like that, that was the time for an apology. It seems that you misread this guy’s personality (or thin skin) and he was done.

If you care a lot for him, tell him you were wrong. If that’s not your style or belief, move on.

Ellie ’s tip of the day

The “dog-talk” can create a harsh impasse if it’s conducted as adversaries instead of as practical, caring partners.

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