Fig 1: a boy attempting to smash some minge by being a feminist like me

My name is Dylan. I normally do not do all the posh grammar and that but I made my mum’s boyfriend Nigel look this over for me, so if you go to school with me and see this, and think that my proper grammar makes me a fucking bellend, fuck off because I did this with Nigel’s grammar help. After Nigel left I added all the curse words. You might be wondering why Nigel would help me with this and the reason is because I have been giving him a hard time since he moved in with my mum and he will never be as wicked as my dad was so he probably wants to win me over, but anyway I am getting off topic.

Anyway, I believe in feminism. I used to not believe in feminism for several reasons. First of all I thought it would turn all girls into hairy lesbians. Then I started watching porn and realized lesbians were my favorite types of women and I don’t care if there is some hair. So I got over that. Then I started listening to some blokes at school talk about how feminism is going to prevent them from having sex or fingering minge. This concerned me because at the time I was fourteen and had never even touched a minge. Then I started getting older and I realized that it’s not feminim’s fault if a bloke can’t have sex. It’s the bloke’s fault.

If a bloke is fit, funny, clever and has a nice sized todger, it doesn’t matter if feminism exists or not because minges will get wet around him, it’s as simple as that. If you are a man and you are against feminism it’s because you need to make women feel bad about themselves in order to get them to give you a handjob. If you’re naturally fit, you don’t need to do that and women will just give you a handjob if you ask them. I have actually not gotten a handjob yet but I have fingered girls and I probably will have sex next year. I do this without saying anything sexist. Instead I just mention my massive todger and I do well random shit like sometimes I get on top of my desk and shout “Suck these bollocks!” (But I do not say it to the girls specifically, I just say it in general and it is wicked funny and the Headmaster has gotten cross with me about five times now for it but I do it anyway). Also I go for easy girls who have bigs tits but aren’t as pretty, who hang out by the Nando’s parking lot. Some of the girls who smoke cigs behind Tesco are also known for being easy too.

Fig 2: feminists who are well open about clunge and even dress like clunge

This is another reason why I support feminism. Feminism is the reason girls even give handjobs at all! Back before feminism, you would have to wait till marriage to have sex. Now you can touch a girl’s tits under the bra and it’s not even a big deal if she’s okay with it. My mate Callum’s parents got divorced and his mum has supposedly boned multiple dads of other kids at school, the divorced ones that is. If this were before feminism Callum’s mum would still be married to Callum’s dad, who is a complete wanker.

I also like feminism because of my mum. I haven’t met my dad, he’s in MI6 and he can’t leave a trail because he goes around the world fighting villains and terrorists and that. But at one point he loved my mum and now she never wants to talk about him. That’s because she’s with Nigel (hi Nigel.) Anyway because of feminism my dad was able to be in MI6 and my mum was able to find her own job and raise me by ourselves until Nigel came into the picture. And because of feminism, Nigel knows she actually likes him and isn’t just with him because she needs money. He is a dentist and makes like seventy thousand quid a year so I’m sure money is part of it but not all of it. (Note: Nigel has asked me to remove this bit, but I kept it because nobody who knows him is going to read this anyway and if girls know that my mum’s boyfriend makes seventy thousand quid they might be more interested in me.)

So this is why I like feminism. I also think that girls are more likely to want to be boned by boys who are feminists because why would you ever want to bone someone who doesn’t care about your entire gender? Anyway this was by Dylan and I hope you enjoyed it.