Women across the southwest were celebrating early last week after Dana Gribley, a resident of Tempe, Arizona, became the first woman to conceive a child using only the self-help book, The Secret.

Gribley, 32, successfully fertilized her own ovum using positive thinking. “Through the power of positivity, my thoughts became as potent as actual sperm,” said the excited mother-to-be. Gribley, who is single, has not had sexual intercourse in over three years. Doctors repeatedly told her that both a male gamete and female gamete must fuse in order for egg fertilization to occur, but Gribley was undeterred by basic biology. “They kept telling me I needed to either find a sperm donor or have intercourse, but I knew that was just typical Western medicine doubletalk,” said Gribley. Instead, by using a carefully chosen method of thinking about babies and shouting “baby” across her empty house, Gribley successfully became pregnant in a matter of days.

“I knew I could turbocharge my eggs with a good vision board,” commented Gribley during an interview in her 10,000-square-foot home, which she attained in 2008 by saying “big house” over and over during meditation. “I could have visualized myself a boyfriend, but I figured, why settle?” she added.

Gribley first learned of The Secret from The Oprah Winfrey Show in 2007. Using what the book calls “the law of attraction,” Gribley has learned how to influence her surroundings and even defy the laws of physics in order to improve her life. Simply by visualizing them, Gribley has obtained several dozen acres of land, a PhD in organic chemistry, and now, a baby.

Added Gribley, “Just now I was able to rub my belly because I visualized myself rubbing my belly.”

“If you can dream it, you can do it,” said Gribley. “I can’t wait to tell that guy I fucked who didn’t believe in this stuff.”