NEW YORK—Having put in 46 hours of hard work as sturdy packing material, a local block of Styrofoam is about to spend the next 500 years reflecting on how well it protected a blender in transport, sources said Wednesday. “Hey, you know what, I did a pretty good job shielding that Vitamix during that three-day trip,” said the polystyrene shell that will sit for five centuries in a landfill until fully decomposed, a span of time it will reportedly spend looking back on how it prevented a kitchen appliance from getting too banged up in a UPS truck during a single shipment. “I got it from the warehouse to a residence two states away without a scratch, and now I think I’m entitled to just kicking back and savoring my accomplishment until the year 2500 at least.” The Styrofoam went on to say it was grateful to have so much time to swap stories about the shipment with the plastic sheet the blender had been wrapped in.

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