Janet is 39, works in advertising, and lives in the west end. She says “I’m very fashion-forward and in great shape. I look young for my age.” Janet is “outgoing, assertive and funny. I love to laugh.” She says “I like to go out for a couple glasses of wine, try new restaurants, and go to art and cultural events.” Janet has been single for more than a year and says “I haven’t had much luck with men.” She is looking for “someone who loves life and takes an interest in the world around them. Honesty and integrity are also very important.”

Sitting around with my girlfriends over a glass of wine, listening to their sexual escapades, got me thinking about what I was missing and needing.

I wasn’t sure about using a dating app, because I’m not looking for a one-night stand or a friends-with-benefits thing, but I did like that you post a few photos and a short description and that’s it, that’s what you’re judged on. It seemed simple.

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After flipping through several profiles over a few days, I saw Neil. He had a great smile, and seemed to dress well and be in reasonable shape. He exuded a sense of confidence in his photos.

We messaged and messaged. The banter was witty, flirty and light. I thought it was strange that I could feel an attraction to someone over text, without even hearing their voice. I found myself looking at my phone throughout the day to see if I had any messages from him.

I hadn’t had sex in a while and the idea of meeting this man in the flesh started to consume my thoughts. I found myself wondering why he wasn’t asking to meet me in person, but since I was new to the online-dating scene, I didn’t want to push him away by seeming too eager.

It soon came to light that he actually lived out of town. I was a bit perturbed that he hadn’t mentioned that in our texts. But then he said that he was going to be downtown that weekend and had plans with some friends at a bar, and asked if we could meet there.

This led to me discovering that we had a few friends in common, which was a surprise, but not a problem. I was excited to meet him, talk in person over a drink and hear his voice, but I was wary when he said that we should keep the fact that we knew each other a secret from our mutual friends. He said he wanted to keep his dating life private. This seemed like a bit much, but I played along.

When our eyes finally met across the crowded bar, I felt flat. Neil didn’t really look like his photos. He was dressed like he just rolled out of bed. I had taken the time to get a blowout, and had carefully planned my outfit and makeup.

He didn’t approach me. We ended up sitting far apart at the same table. I soon received a text from him telling me how beautiful I was, but we hadn’t even said hello face-to-face. All the communication between us had left me sitting there, having to hide the fact that I knew him.

I finally walked over to him, drink in hand and we said hello, and proceeded to act like we had just “met” for the first time.

As we sat amongst the group, Neil continued to text me. At one point when I wasn’t responding to his texts anymore, he texted to ask if I was upset. I thought this was hilarious. I wondered if he would deny knowing me if I said something. As the hours went by, I kept thinking, ‘why am I allowing myself to be part of this?’

As our friends started to leave, we sat closer and closer together. By then, we were flirting. I wondered what would be the worst thing that could happen if I had sex with him. It had been so long.

Sleeping with him that night was actually great. It let me know that I was still sexual, and that I had moves I thought I forgot.

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We kept in contact for another few weeks, but his emotional unavailability was too much for me.

Janet rates her date (out of 10): 6

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