The new Star Wars movie reportedly passes the Bechdel test. Doubt that.

Think about it for one second: A Star Wars movie that passes the Bechdel test? Uhh, sure. Not.

I haven’t seen this new movie yet, nor have I seen any of the other Star Wars movies. I’m still pretty confident that there is no Star Wars scene in which two women talk about something other than a man or a male robot or whatever.

Please.

Star Wars. The most recognizable female character in it wears a bikini, and people call her a slave. “Slave Leia.” Yeah, I’ve heard that before. So forgive me for suggesting that Star Wars: The Force Awakens does not pass the Bechdel test.

What would “Slave Leia” even have to say to another woman? “I’m cold”?

The Bechdel test. My butt.

Oh look, here is a photo of the cast of the new Star Wars movie:

I have never seen so many white guys together in my life, and I work at Gawker. If you look closely you can even see that guy from Girls. A positive sign indicating that the new Star Wars movie passes the Bechdel test? Get real.

How would you know if the new Star Wars movie passes the Bechdel test if you’ve never seen it and you’ve also never seen any of the other movies and you’re a girl, you are probably saying now.

I think you just proved my point.

A Star Wars movie that passes the Bechdel test. I’ll believe it when I see it, which I won’t.