Someone in El Cajon is offering up a helmet tape dispenser for $15. In National City, $10 or your best offer lands a shower curtain (unused, we hope). In La Costa, you can snap up a “finely crafted red table wine” with former linebacker Jim Laslavic on the label.

Welcome to Craigslist, the classified advertising website moonlighting as a makeshift barometer for the unbendable backing, bewilderment and bile of San Diego Chargers fans.

Start with tickets sales for Sunday’s home finale against the Miami Dolphins and meander, if you dare, through Internet chat rooms, sports talk radio and online comments tagged on the bottom of Union-Tribune stories.

The most intriguing measure, though, might be Craigslist’s page after page of tickets, T-shirts and memorabilia of all sizes, interests and eras. Many are capped with timely sales pitches like, “Get them while they’re still in San Diego.”


Uncertainty about a possible move to Los Angeles, mixed with ownership discontent and a healthy dash of a bad season means hundreds have scrambled to the bustling cyberspace marketplace.

Cue, Manny in North Park.

He’s trying to unload about 3,000 football cards that chronicle the up-and-down history of his hometown team. He would take cash, of course, but also will consider “bass guitar gear and laminate flooring” — you know, being the open-minded fan that he is.

“I actually have quite a few jerseys I’ve contemplated selling,” said Manny, whose last name is Rose. “I told my wife, I should wear them to work at least, because they’re going to Goodwill if they leave.”


Let’s include some numbers, since football is loaded with those sorts of things.

There were 1,171 listings with the words “San Diego Chargers” on the city’s Craigslist page, as of Tuesday afternoon. A peek at other AFC teams with four or fewer wins — Baltimore (756), Cleveland (664) and Tennessee (281) — showed a lot less horse trading.

So, toss in a few Tarot cards, some planetary alignment calculations and a bit of presidential polling data and that’s almost science, right?

Enough about science, though. We’ve got to get back to Manny. He’s our Edison, Newton and Galileo of the Chargers’ journey along the Information Super Highway.


“There’s limited value now (for Chargers merchandise online), but if they actually leave, you look at the after-market value and it’s probably pretty grim,” he said. “It’s like in the NFL or the NBA, when a premiere player gets traded. Then you find that old jersey for $10 at Marshalls.”

So what becomes of those unsold Pez dispensers? What about the $39 Philip Rivers comforter set for those hoping to get close to the talented quarterback? On second thought, that might be a little too close.

There’s the set of four Chargers “shot” glasses in Spring Valley — except the person typed an “i” instead of an “o.” The seller added, “Brand new!” We can only hope. Keep drifting through the clickable morass and find women in bikinis holding up jerseys. (Reminder to self: Clear browsing history on work computer.)

Fans seem to be bolting away from the Bolts and their embattled owners. We need a voice of calm and reason.


Manny?

“On one hand, if your team is going to be worth twice as much in the L.A. market than here, I get it,” he said. “It would be like saying my condo being worth a $1 million more in La Jolla than North Park, so I can relate to that.

“But public relations-wise, I think they really fumbled.”

That’s the complexity of the conflicted on Craigslist, where memories and loyalties are suddenly for sale. A tote back in Pacific Beach? Sell it. A neon bar sign in Chula Vista? Make me an offer. A hat signed by a Charger (though “I don’t know who it is”) in Escondido? Toss me 10 bucks.


You wade through items like Charger-themed bike frames and are reminded of how much moolah is tied to a professional sports franchise and trickles from it — especially in the money-soaked NFL.

Manny weighs in: “But, when you’re arguing over $600 million versus a billion, I don’t have a lot of compassion for that. If that’s the case, appraise the team up there and see if someone would pay here. Just sell the team.

“Then again, maybe Donald Trump will become President and buy the team. Can I get an Amen on that?”

Manny, we’re done here.


bryce.miller@sduniontribune.com

On Twitter: @Bryce_A_Miller