No degree of healing completely eradicates the soul-imprint sexual assault leaves behind. My triggers now rarely prompt a physiological response, but my situational awareness is always heightened. I’m on high-alert at all times, to watch for people like the one elected last November. A man like him, self-delusional and arrogant, molested me as a child. A man like him, who believes women can be reduced to a 10-point scale, forced himself on me as a teenager. A man like him, indifferent to women as human beings, groped me in the street as a young woman. And now the man who embodies the characteristics of the men who victimized me is president of the United States.

I’m a woman in the age of Trump. That’s enough to feel threatened by the president (though really, every American should feel threatened by out-dated, anti-science, bigoted polices.

I know that my skin color and immigration status protect me from many of the worst of DJT’s policy positions. I fear that his white male-dominated cabinet, anti-woman appointees, women–oppressing policies, financial entanglements, ineptitude at foreign policy, anti-science stances, and his hypocritical anti-immigration push will inflict lasting damage on this country. Thanks to the array of ethical conflicts, moral quandaries, and incompetence exhibited by DJT and his administration (not to mention the Comey firing and Russia), the release of the Access Hollywood tape seems long ago.

DJT: “I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing her. You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful… I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything.”

Bush: “Whatever you want.”

DJT: “Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.”

His words, beyond their face-value assault assertions, normalize rape culture and sexual assault. In his “apology” video, he dismissed the tape as “a distraction from the important issues we’re facing today,” and then continued to attack Hillary Clinton.

DJT said he was a changed man, pledged to be a better man, and said that those words “don’t reflect” who he is. Yet in April he defended Roger Ailes and Bill O’Reilly – men who no longer work for Fox News due to increased public pressure regarding their history of sexual harassment – and said that they were “good” men who didn’t do “anything wrong.” The only surprising thing about both the tape and his support of O’Reilly and Ailes is that anyone finds them surprising – DJT has a well-documented pattern of speaking about and treating women with the same indifference, disrespect, and objectification.

Sexism existed in the U.S. long before DJT; however, in the weeks that followed the tape’s release, examples of the proliferation of his particular brand of grabbing women popped up. Retailers started selling products with the slogan, “Grab America by the Pussy.” Politicians used DJT as an excuse for grabbing women’s genitals.

DJT’s election established that millions of Americans feel comfortable overlooking and excusing misogyny and sexual assault (in addition to his nationalistic and xenophobic campaign and vast conflicts of interest). That man, who bragged about using his power to grab women’s genitals, is now the president of the United States of America. And the American people, enough of them anyway, elected him. The Access Hollywood tape was explosive, but it certainly wasn’t the only evidence of his predatory and misogynistic behavior and beliefs. Other writers have explored the effect of DJT’s reprehensible statements and his political war on women; but I want to get personal.

I have been grabbed by the pussy.

I watched the Access Hollywood tape multiple times when it was first released. Sickened, I read the subsequent news articles. I watched his pathetic apology. I watched his wife try to excuse his words. And then the defense trickled into my social media feeds, even from my family. Despite knowing my personal history of victimization, members of my own family defended him – directly to me – and dismissed his abhorrent boasts as “locker room talk” and “naughty words.”

I will not trust people who excuse – or justify with pleas about the future of the Supreme Court – misogyny, sexual assault, and harassment. Women are at greater risk with DJT as their president. I am at greater risk. The millions of Americans who voted for him not only betrayed basic decency, they betrayed me and every other survivor of sexual assault.

Maybe that sounds harsh. After all, DJT didn’t assault me. My friends and family would never say that actually grabbing a woman by the pussy is okay; they assert that there is no evidence that DJT ever actually did that. But over a dozen women have accused him of doing exactly what he bragged about in the tape. Apparently even the combination of his own words and the accusations of multiple women is not enough evidence to convince his supporters – members of my circle – that he is a predator.

How can I feel safe around those who insist on dismissing DJT’s comments as harmless?

If my DJT-supporting friends and family don’t believe videos of a predator bragging about his actions, how can I trust that they would ever believe me? I’m just one woman with no video evidence of what happened to me. Would they insist that I had misinterpreted my perpetrators’ intentions? That I should I have resisted more loudly, or avoided the situation altogether? That it’s normal for men to be overwhelmed by their sexual desire and become aggressive? How can I (or anyone else) feel safe around those who insist on dismissing DJT’s comments as harmless?

What Next?

Since the election, I’ve focused on organizing my anger and disgust. My approach may not work for everyone concerned with the more-than-political implications of a DJT administration, but prioritizing actions that promote safety and empowerment has helped me to stay centered.

Get Active: After the election, I formed a PACK with four of my close friends; we share resources, call lists, policy information, encourage each other to stay politically active, and created a website to help others do the same. I call my senators or house representative at least once a week, sometimes daily. I stay current on pending bills and policy propositions that matter to me. I volunteer with organizations which I feel are making a difference in the lives of marginalized populations.

Self-Care: I also prioritize staying safe and centered. This is not always easy for me. For weeks after the election I over-indulged in news reports instead of sleeping. One of the members of our PACK wrote a great article about self-care in a post-DJT world, and I’ve found several others as well. Some simple strategies to try:

Take a break from the news

Do things you know will bring you comfort, happiness, and/or peace

Find like-minded people you can talk to about how you feel

Volunteer for an organization doing good in the world

Tighten your Social Circle: For some, this may mean cutting certain people out of their daily interactions. I did not need to do that, and I’m grateful. The DJT-supporters in my family reached out after the conversation in which they defended him, specifically to check-in to see if I was okay. It’s tricky to separate words defending sexual assault with words expressing concern about me; negotiating relationships with family and friends who supported DJT gets messy. Personally, I have not ended any relationships; but I have taken mental notes about what I do and do not feel comfortable sharing with certain people in my life.

Express Your Truth : Although not everyone may express their truths in this way, I choose to be open with people in my life about my experiences with sexual assault. My openness has served an essential role in my own healing, and in encouraging others to find the strength to express their truths. Owning and expressing my truth is one way that I have consciously reasserted control over my experiences. I cannot change what happened, but I can choose how and when to talk about it. In private conversations, I may share details about my experiences. With my children, I emphasize the importance of consent and respecting bodily autonomy. In political discussions, if I feel safe, I pushback on the dismissal of DJT’s harmful words. I also try to respect others’ truths, although I reserve my personal right to stop listening if someone else’s words make me less safe.

Ask for Help: Sometimes, when self-care isn’t enough, we need help. It’s okay to reach out to close friends, others with similar experiences, or to organizations which act as resources for those of us who have experienced victimization by men like DJT. I’ve joined a Facebook group specific to survivors of sexual assault who are adjusting post-election. If you are struggling, consider giving a therapist a call for a check-in. If you don’t have local resources, call one of the 24 hour hotlines, like the one that RAINN offers – you can even chat with someone online through their website. Lastly, if you are in a stable place, consider offering your ear to someone else who may need someone to listen. Especially now, it’s essential to lend each other strength.

I will not normalize this presidency. I refuse to engage in discussion about this president as though he is simply a politician with different political views than my own. My opposition to his presidency has little to do with his harmful policies, though they are extremely damaging for the country: using the presidency for financial gain; undermining the US’s global leadership; stoking systemic racism; and destabilizing democracy through his threats to the intelligence community, freedom of the press, and voter rights. I will continue to take actions as an involved citizen to minimize the lasting damage of DJT’s administration while acknowledging that this time, the political is deeply personal: this presidency directly and indirectly hurts me and other sexual assault survivors. My political resistance will be framed with my personal conviction that a sexual predator should never have been awarded a place on the ballot.

*Also published on RisPhillips.com*