ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

One of the commonwealth’s most senior public servants has asked the country how good cricket is, despite not even knowing how to spell the name of the most-in-form batsman in the national team.

Scott Morrison, the Prime Minister, likes cricket as much as Malcolm Turnbull likes the Australian Tax Office.

But that doesn’t stop him from enjoying it, he says.

“Cricket is good,” said Morrison today on Imparja’s Wake Up Betoota! programme.

Each week, a rotation of panellists come on the show to chat about topics challenging the nation. This morning, Scotty From Marketing appeared via satellite. National terrorism expert Pauline Hanson and author Tim Winton were in the studio.

“It’s great how it’s in Perth so you can head to the pub after lunch and watch the cricket with your mates and drink some fucking piss and maybe get a token for the smoke machine so you can buy a fucking packet of lung liners to smoke in the beer garden,”

“Cunt, take your tax return out of a private ATM and put it all through Pelican Pete, you mindless peasant. Vote for me too, you cock-sucking heathen! How good is cricket?”

The stand-in host of Wake Up! just laughed and look at his male co-host as they both lent back on the couch to tuck their erections under their belt.

“Nice one, PM!” said host, Roger Coller.

“Just before we go, can you spell Labuschagne for us? If you’re such a fan?”

Scott got the first four letters correct then trailed off in a mumble.

Pauline tried to interject and say she knew how to spell it but wouldn’t because she should have to spell names correctly that frighten her.

The programme ended before Tim Winton had the chance to say anything that wasn’t about a small Western Australian coastal town that was somehow the perfect setting to discuss problematic men, the metaphysical relationship between surfers and the sea plus someone getting spooked by a ghost.

More to come.



