If you ever took Marketing 101, chances are you've heard the tale of how the Chevy Nova couldn't sell in South America. The Nova's sales supposedly tanked because the Spanish phrase "no va" literally translates as "no go." The Chevy story is just an urban legend, but truth is often stranger than fiction. Today, The Goods sponsors our look at some real products out there that are every bit as laughably retarded. Sometimes language hurdles are to blame, but in most cases we can chalk these names up to good ol' human stupidity. Advertisement

8 The TrekStor i.Beat.blaxx Continue Reading Below Advertisement In August 2007, the German electronics manufacturer TrekStor tried to capitalize on the Apple iPod phenomenon with their own MP3 player. But what to name it? They knew they had to get the "i" in front of whatever word they decided on, to bring the iPod to mind. How about "beat" to signify all of the phat beats the customers will play on it? And it's black. Thus, i.Beat.blaxx. TrekStor's press release claimed that the device "precisely reflects the desires of the young, trend-conscious target group we are aiming for." And by that target group, they apparently meant the Klan. The ensuing shitstorm caught TrekStor by surprise. The company's president tried to smooth things over in a letter explaining that the word "beat" is "not meant as a verb, but refers to the beats of the music you are listening to." And to be fair, the guy had to wonder what the same protesters thought they would find in the pages of Black Beat magazine. Continue Reading Below Advertisement Knowing that this explanation would placate absolutely no one (barring that small contingent of confused, hip-hop-loving Klansmen)... ... TrekStor immediately rechristened the gadget the "TrekStor blaxx," a name which we presume would've replaced "Geordi La Forge" had Dolemite starred in Star Trek: The Next Generation.

"La Forge, muthafucka!"

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7 Retardex Retardex toothpaste is the first line of defense against bad breath and cavity-causing bacteria. It's also the most poorly named oral hygiene product since the Gator Gripper, a terrifying children's tooth extractor that is one part Tooth Fairy, two parts Yakuza loan shakedown. Continue Reading Below Advertisement Retardex is a British brand, so we can't blame a poor translation here. We scoured the Retardex website for the origin of this dentifrice's imbecilic name and didn't find an explanation. Is it from a simpler time? When did the word "retard" ever have a positive connotation? Yes, we get that it "retards" the progress of tooth decay, so we guess you can justify it in the same way you could justify calling your new ultra-slim LED television an "Anorexiatron." Hell, in the time we spent writing this, we came up with half a dozen more marketable names; including Dentodex, Mouthoflex and, our favorite, Tyrannosaurusrex. Continue Reading Below Advertisement

Patent pending.

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