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INDEPENDENT TD Noel Grealish spent last night in hospital after dragging his knuckles so hard along the ground for the past 53 years he had to have an emergency skin graft operation to save his shredded hands.

“There was nothing but bone and tendons left when he was admitted, indicating the patient had been dragging his knuckles for years,” explained surgeon Dr. Mohammed Patel who had been working on Grealish throughout the night. “When he woke up, he seemed very shocked to see me and asked for an ‘English speaking doctor’…he was obviously still very disorientated from the anaesthetic”.

In the background of Irish politics for years unnoticed until he realised his baseless xenophobic rhetoric was in now, Grealish was accused of engaging in “disgraceful racism” in the Dáil yesterday after making groundless claims ‘Nigerians’ sending money home could only have earned this money from crime. It is believed Grealish likely thinks the same of his three siblings living abroad.

“It’s possible Mr. Grealish has a severe condition known as ‘hypocriticus’; where he can only view situations in a singular, extremely low IQ based context,” suspected Dr. Patel, who unlike Grealish has been working to makes lives in Ireland better, “his knuckles will heal over time, but he’ll probably continue to drag them, such are the side effects of his relentless, ignorant disease”.

In his 20 year career as a TD, Grealish previously made the news for his opposition against a direct provision centre in Oughterard, Co Galway – and that’s about it. The Galway West TD is expected to have no trouble getting reelected.