In keeping with the NOTSOGOOD title of this blog, we often look for the ugly side of Toronto life. The man I witnessed taking a shit outside the record store across from my apartment would be a sterling example. But one can’t dwell in the mire all the time, and it’s hard to find anything bad to say about Taste of the Danforth.

From the minute you arrive the fragrant smoke of greasy meats assaults the senses, children line up ecstatically for rides, happy couples share ice cream cones. It’s truly an idyllic scene.

I guess a naive idealist could complain about all the corporate sponsorship (buy two energy drinks, spin the wheel, win a prize…etc), but hey, festivals need sponsors. It’s understandable when people gripe about TD Bank’s overwhelming presence at Pride, because that event really stands for something significant in people’s hearts. But at its core TOTD is about the simple pleasure of eating delicious food.

Here’s a rundown of the popular options for anyone who’s never been: The overwhelming majority of restaurants are of course Greek, so you have an endless supply of souvlaki on a stick ($3), gyros ($5), baklava ($2), etc; but there are also Thai restaurants dishing out heaping plates of pad thai for $3; pubs and grills serving up huge one-pound racks of caramelized ribs for a piddly $7; Italian ice; fried dough; all the old favourites.

If there’s one problem it’s that after consuming one gyro, you probably don’t want to follow that up with a rack of ribs. Or if you do, you will feel very sad after. So you have to be selective. Of course you could always pile on a cob of corn, or some ice cream. After a meat-filled gyro and a few spring rolls, I felt the sharp prostate cramping that my tortured body has come to recognize as an indicator that I am full.

I was looking hard for something cynical to say. I’d hoped to mock the Steelback beer tent I’d seen in previous years. Pints were wildly over-priced, and anyone who’s ever drank a Steelback knows it tastes something like liquefied tire rubber. I always wondered—why don’t these suckers just sit at one of the dozens of Danforth bars offering unheard-of drink specials instead? Unfortunately, for my sardonic purpose anyway, the Steelback tent was replaced by a Carling one this year, and the prices seemed to have come back down to earth a little.

I did get one great dig in however. I often go to video stores to look for download ideas. At Blockbuster I was frustrated by not seeing one movie outside the absolute mainstream. On my way out, a managerial type asked, “Couldn’t find what you were looking for?”

I confided in a low, conspiratorial tone, “I came here to get download ideas. I would never pay money to rent a movie in 2010. I often wonder who would…however, your selection has not one film I haven’t seen promoted to death already, so no, I could not find what I was looking for…which was even one interesting movie. Congrats on having 130 copies of Clash of the Titans though.”

By Tarheel Slim