I apologize in advance that this “isn’t news,” (*vigorous air quotes*) and it doesn’t (*more quotes*) “involve movies that came out in the last 20 years,” but I thought this was interesting enough to be worth posting. Basically, I was googling, trying to remember the precise wording of a line from Full Metal Jacket, which turned out to be “I WILL motivate you, Private Pyle, if it shortdicks every cannibal in the Congo!”

I hadn’t thought too hard about the phrase, but I always semi-subconsciously assumed that it was a reference to penis-shrinking superstitions in West Africa, like “I am going to motivate you Private Pyle! Even if I have to resort to dick-shrinking Africa magic!” (Also the name of my indie band’s first album).

As it turns out, this is a topic that has been debated on countless internet forums. In the interests of accuracy, I feel like there is a correct answer. There’s an interpretation I saw a few places that I would call the correct one, which says that to “shortdick” means to shortchange, and that the cannibals would be shortchanged because Private Pyle would become skinny and thus his disgusting fat-body could no longer feed the cannibals, most of whom live in The Congo simply for the alliterative value. Like almost all of R. Lee Ermey’s improvised lines, a masterpiece of colorful vulgarity. [Add’s Uproxx’s resident Marine, Matt Ufford: “I’d wager you’re correct: shortdick = shortchange. I never heard the phrase used myself, but ‘dick’ gets substituted for lots of other perfectly acceptable words simply because it’s borderline profane. Example: ‘dicked up’ instead of ‘messed up.'”] But just because I think there is one clear, correct interpretation doesn’t make the misinterpretations any less entertaining. The sheer volume of them alone is positively stunning.

Here’s a collection of interpretations I found on various forums: