Many medical professionals and parents believe that starting school so early in the day has negative consequences for children and families, while others maintain that the school day is fine the way it is. The Onion examines the pros and cons of delaying school start time.


PRO

7:30 a.m. is early as fuck.

Give those sniveling overachievers anxiety that they should be doing extracurricular activities in morning.


Extra time to get high before class.

Full night’s sleep can help teens better concentrate on the utter hell that is being a young adult.


CON

Need to come up with new excuses for still being late.

Would be unfair to past generations if current students didn’t suffer.

Parents forced to realize that poor sleep isn’t the reason their kid sucks at school.


Well-rested, clear-minded kids could easily organize and turn against us.