A MAN in a four-month-old relationship is still breaking wind in the local park.

Tom Booker has been dating Joanna Kramer since May, during which time he has tightly clenched his sphincter to avoid releasing a foul odour that would have killed their love instantly.

Booker said: “I’m not sure what the socially acceptable time frame is for letting one go in front of your girlfriend. She hasn’t even met my parents yet, so it’s definitely too early for her to meet some of my more creative smells.

“Thank god I live fairly close to a park where I can go once a day and just let it absolutely fucking rip.

“She’ll find out eventually, but I need the illusion that I don’t have normal bodily functions to last a little longer. Maybe just until I say ‘I love you’.”

Girlfriend Kramer said: “Tom’s great, but I just wish he felt comfortable enough with me to break wind once in a while.

“I have to fart in the park.”