Have you ever had this problem where playing Meta Gochiusa felt way too boring and pointless? You just get shat on at every level other than 3 because that’s just where you flat out end the game with one of the most disgusting finishers ever. It just feels so GROSS!

But that’s why I’m here to present you with a solution: a deck profile sent from none other than Maik Teo himself! Knowing that green is the ultimate color he went out of his way leave a gift for us based on his favorite Gochiusa characters…

EVERY CARD WITH CHIYA IN IT WILL COME WITH A BONUS GIF

THE FORMULA TO SINGAPOREAN SUCCESS:

4x RUNNING AWAY FROM RESPONSIBLITIES

[C] During your turn, this gains +1000 Power.

[A] At the start of your Opponent’s Attack Phase, you may move this to an empty Slot in the Front Row.

Its a runner,nuff said. Also Maik’s caption of Syaro not being a loli is proof he is a lolicon.

1x SYARO ON STEROIDS

【A】［① Place the top card of your Deck into Clock］ When this card is placed on Stage from Hand, if you have other Characters with 「Syaro」 or 「Chiya」 in their names, you may pay the Cost. If you did, perform the following action up to 4 times.『Choose 1 card from your Clock, return it to Hand, choose 1 card from your Hand, place it into Waiting Room, place the top card of your Deck into Clock.

imagine clocking 4 climax with this

4x SYARO HAVING AN ORGY

[A] This ability activates up to once per turn. When you use an [S] ability, choose 1 of your Characters, and that Character gains +500 Power for the turn.

[S] BRAINSTORM [(1) Rest 2 of your Characters] Flip over the top 4 cards of your Library and put them in the Waiting Room. For each Climax card revealed this way, search your Library for up to 1 Character with either “Syaro”, “Chiya”, or “Cocoa” in name, reveal it, put it in your hand, and shuffle your Library.

Why does this card even search C0C0

A3x I HATE LEVEL 0 BOMBS MAIK Y?

[A] [Discard a card from your hand to the Waiting Room] When this is placed from hand to the Stage, put the top 2 cards of your Library in the Waiting Room. If there’s at least 1 Climax card among them, you may pay cost. If so, choose a Character in your Waiting Room and return it to your hand.

[A] When this becomes Reversed in battle, if the Level of the Battle Opponent of this is 0 or lower, you may put the top card of your Opponent’s Clock in the Waiting Room. If so, put that Character in Clock.

Hey at least it comes with a free mill and possible handfix

4x MY FAVORITE TYPE OF CARD IN THE GAME

[C] If there are 3 or fewer cards in your Stock, this gains +1000 Power.

[A] [(1) Put the top card of your Library in your Clock] When this is placed from hand to the Stage, you may pay cost. If so, search your Library for up to 1 Level 1 or lower Character with either “Syaro” or “Chiya” in name, reveal it, put it in your hand, and shuffle your Library.

[ insert overrated riki comments here]



OK YOU KNOW THE DRILL. HERE’S SOME GOCHIUSA FOR YOU BUT NO LOLI SQUAD THIS TIME

TIME TO START ON THE 1s

4x SYARO BEING A L@DY!

[C] During your turn, this gains +1000 Power.

[A] CX COMBO When this attacks, if “Taking a Bath Together” is in the Climax Zone and you have another Character with either “Syaro” or “Chiya” in name, look at up to 4 cards from top of your Library, search for up to 1 Character with either “Syaro” or “Chiya” in name, reveal it, put it in your hand, and put the rest in the Waiting Room.

lets be honest this card wont survive the next turn anyways

4x TROLL WAITRESS

[C] For each of your other Characters with either “Syaro” or “Chiya” in name, this gains +500 Power.

Let me use this opportunity to share this wonderful gif



2x CUTE LESBIANS, ONE OF WHOM LIKES GWEEN TEA

[A] When you use the BACKUP of this, if you have a Character with either “Syaro” or “Chiya” in name, choose 1 of your Characters in battle, and that Character gains +1000 Power for the turn.

[S] [Counter] BACKUP 1000, Level 1 [Discard this card from your hand to the Waiting Room]

Adding chiya to everything makes her pack an extra punch



THERE ARE ONLY A FEW LEVEL 2S:

1x CUTE CHIYA POUTING

【A】［Place 1 card from Hand into Clock］ When this card is placed on Stage from Hand, you may pay the Cost. If you did, search your Deck for up to 1 Character with 「Syaro」 or 「Chiya」 in its name and show it to your opponent, add it to Hand, shuffle the Deck afterwards.

【A】 When this card becomes REVERSE, if this card’s battle opponent’s Level is higher than your opponent’s Level, you may place the top card of your opponent’s Clock into Waiting Room. If you did, place that Character into Clock.

HOLY SHIT THAT WAS FAST. WE’RE ALREADY ON THE LEVEL 3S:

4x “YES MY MASTER!” SYARO

[A] This ability activates up to once per turn. During the turn this is placed from hand to the Stage, when the Damage dealt by this is Cancelled, put the top card of your Library in the Waiting Room, and deal X Damage to your Opponent. X = 1 + Level of that card. (Climax cards are considered Level 0 for this effect. Damage Cancel can occur)

[A] [(1) Put this in the Waiting Room] When your other Character with either “Syaro” or “Chiya” in name is Front Attacked, you may pay cost. If so, return that Character to hand.

Maik: classic way to end your opponent.

Paik: Play 2 of these motherfuckers and bounce one of these shitters to hand if you’re against an opponent who runs on-reverse finishers. OP!

4x SYARO PRETENDING TO BE A MEMBER OF SOME OTHER CAFE

[C] If there are 2 or fewer climax cards in your Waiting Room, this gets -1 Level while in your hand.

[A] [Discard a Character with either “Syaro” or “Chiya” in name from your hand to the Waiting Room] When this is placed from hand to the Stage, you may pay cost. If so, return the top card of your Clock to your hand.

[A] This ability activates up to once per turn. When you use an [S] ability, this gains +X Power for the turn. X = 500 times # of your other Characters with either “Syaro” or “Chiya” in name.

4x WHY IS THIS CARD EVEN HERE

PEWPEW

【C】 For each of your other 《Rabbit House》 Characters, this card gets +500 Power.

【A】 When this card is placed on Stage from Hand, draw up to 2 cards, choose 1 card from your Hand, place it into Waiting Room.

【A】［② Place 2 cards from Hand into Waiting Room］ When this card attacks, if 「枕投げ」 is in the Climax slot, you may pay the Cost. If you did, deal 1 Damage to your opponent, deal 1 Damage to your opponent, during this turn, this card gets +6000 Power. (Damage can be cancelled)

OH SO THATS WHY THE SYARO BRAINSTORM IS ABLE TO SEARCH FOR COCOA

SNEAKY BUSHIROAD

GUESS WE CAN NEVER BEAT THE BEST FINISHER IN THE SET

HERE ARE THE CLIMAXES THIS GUY PLAYS:

4x best girl in gochiusa change my mind

4x LEWD BATH TIME WITH SYARO’S SENPAI

How you think you look when you’re playing the deck;



But in reality ;



Wait i have too many gifs let it end it off with this

Saltnori’s FINAL THOUGHTS:

Since Maik was too fucking lazy to do this section, I will personally finish this disgusting deck off.

For anyone who knows about Gochiusa even a little bit, we know that GY Gochi arguably has a superior level 0-2 game compared to the other ways you can build it. However its top end being reliant for Musashis can sometimes be a bit underwhelming compared to the infamous Cocoa-Chino finisher. By playing 4 of these finishers you can literally just shove one of them into level zone and brainstorm the rest into hand or grab it via gates. That way at least the option to have a scary top end is there when you need it. Despite sacrificing some consistency it’s well worth it in games where you will need to demolish your opponent completely.

FINAL RATING:

Not As Lolicon/5