Donald Trump welcomed the winners of the national college-football championship, the Clemson Tigers, to the White House Monday night to kick back after their big “W” and have a hamberder or four. There were “over 1,000” of them, from Wendy’s and McDonald’s, and even from Burger King. The hungry boys ate them right up, the president said on Twitter.

Trump reportedly paid for the feast—which also included nuggies, chicken serndwiches, Filet-O-Fish, salerd, and perzzda—all by himself. The government shutdown has put his staff temporarily out of work, per a White House flack. So if only the Democrats would just relent, these employees would get paid and the big-boy eaters wouldn’t have to munch “great American food” like hamberders.

By Saul Loeb/AFP/Getty Images.

It’s as if he were a divorced dad in charge of dinner this weekend. “Everyone good with hamberders tonight?” dad asks. And the kids yell, “Yeah! Mom never lets us have them on a weeknight!” And, once again, dad gets to be the fun one, weaponizing hamberders against his ex-wife, who refuses to build a wall. The kids at Clemson seemed to enjoy the experience, except for one young man, who wore Apple AirPods for the duration of his time in the buffet line.

I have no idea what he is listening to. What do sporty boys in the dawn of their twenties listen to in 2019? Is he drowning out the honking tones of MAGA with a calming white-noise app? Is he getting ahead on his seminar readings and listening to Evelyn Waugh’s Decline and Fall on Audible? Maybe mumble rap? Is mumble rap still a thing? Was it ever a thing? I’m 30.

I’m willing to bet that it’s none of the above. No, he’s not listening to anything. He’s just wearing AirPods so no one will talk to him. He’s just wearing them so he can enjoy his great American food in peace. Vive la résistance.

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