What’s it like to have lived in Canada for 15 years but still be an outcast for lacking immigrant status?

How does it feel to be rejected by employer after employer because your social insurance number indicates you are a refugee?

Who is there to give you emotional support when you live alone in limbo in a foreign country?

These are some of the questions a dozen youth with precarious immigration status in Toronto explore in Seeds of Hope: Creating a Future in the Shadows, a new book published by Life Cycle Books Ltd. in conjunction with the FCJ Refugee Centre.

“We have all had these experiences coming to Canada, always in transit,” said one of the writers, Destin Bujang, 25, who fled Cameroon to Toronto in 2012 and is still fighting to obtain his status here.

“The book gives us quite a sense of accomplishment. What we would like to do is to give ourselves a voice. When someone finds themselves in the same situation like ours, they should know they are not alone and they should not feel silenced.”

The idea of the book project, made possible with a ArtReach Foundation grant, came from Bujang, who studied journalism back home, and the book’s co-editors, siblings Francisco and Paloma Villegas, who drew on the inspiration from the book Underground Undergrads: UCLA undocumented immigrant students speak out.

The Villegas, who themselves grew up without status with Mexican parents in San Francisco, came to Toronto in 2006 first as international students before earning their permanent status in Canada.

While some of the stories are autobiographical, others contain elements of fiction.

Tanya Aberman, the project’s co-ordinator and one of its editors, said the book highlights newcomers’ ongoing struggle between hope and hopelessness. The stories, she said, are meant to create a conversation among young people with precarious status, their allies, the immigration system and the Canadian public.

“These youth have had some really hard experiences, but no matter how hard, they always come through and feel the hope is still there despite the difficult times,” said Aberman, who has worked with the refugee community for six years.

“Their stories really opened up my eyes, with their lived realities and emotions that go with it.”

In the story “In Transit,”Bujang reflects on the feeling of safety, the sweet memories with his family in Cameroon and the concept of home.

“I would have loved to stay with my family and loved ones and live all the dreams I dreamed of when I was growing up. If only where I call home was actually home. Home is where the heart is, and the heart can only breed where peace and love exist,” he wrote.

“Canada is my home now. Not because I am a citizen but because my heart is here.”

Sheriff Alimi, 21, who wrote the story “Blending In,” said refugee and non-status youth often live in isolation because they don’t want people to know about that, and having one’s voice heard is an empowering experience.

He picked the subject because fitting in is the ultimate goal for migrant youth like him, and making or breaking it can be determined by immigration papers. His story is infused with the experiences of other precarious youth he has come across.

“I was worried when I saw every other kid go to school every day, and all I did was stay home to do literally nothing but look at the ceiling and try to figure out why I could not be in school,” wrote Alimi, who came here alone from Nigeria for asylum last year and is now a permanent resident.

“I felt different from the other kids. I could not even play with them because my parents wouldn’t let me. It took me a long time before I figured out that I could not go to school because I wasn’t ‘legal.’”

Julia Amanda Salmon’s parents sent her to a relative in Canada from Jamaica “for a better life” three years ago when she was 15. She was later taken into the care of Children’s Aid.

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“There was this cloud over your head all the time. You just don’t know when immigration is coming to get you,” said the 18-year-old, who decided to use her real name in the book after she was approved for permanent residency in June.

“I feel emotionally and mentally relieved now I have the paper. That piece of paper decided my future. I don’t have to hide,” added Salmon, who has been on the honour roll in school here and aspires to study nursing and midwifery in university after she finishes Grade 12 in 2017.

The book is sold online at FCJ Refugee Centre and A Different Booklist bookstore. The proceeds will go toward a scholarship for youth with precarious status in Canada.