This bold directorial decision was made by cinematic warlock Roland Emmerich, who occasionally tries his hand at making historical dramas that are about as historical as an episode of Hogan's Heroes. I'm pretty sure every Roland Emmerich movie is cobbled together from scenes that were deleted from previous Roland Emmerich movies, which is why every joke from White House Down feels like it was written in 1996, and why Randy Quaid flies an F/A-18 in The Patriot. At any rate, you will be hard-pressed to find anyone who doesn't think Godzilla should be retroactively retitled Feelings-Hurter 1998 or The Movie That Ruined My 15th Birthday Party.

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The Teaser:

Just as the credits are about to roll and we have all begun to flee the theater, one of those ridiculous Godzillaraptors hatches out of its egg in Madison Square Garden and leaps at the screen to remind us that Roland Emmerich couldn't come up with two hours' worth of reasons to watch an 80-story atomic fury monster and decided to rip off Jurassic Park instead.

TriStar Pictures/Sony Pictures via YouTube

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This gives us an irresistible setup for Godzilla 2: Baby's Day Out, which would presumably lead into part three, Shia LaBeouf vs. Mechagodzilla.

Why the Sequel Never Happened:

As I've mentioned before, Godzilla was so bad that it literally frightened Sony into sitting on the Godzilla film rights like a man desperately trying to suck a poop back into his anus. The original plan was to make a trilogy starring Ferris Bueller's depleted older brother and Jean Reno's exasperated French glare. When the movie underperformed financially and critically, Sony locked the film rights away like Walt Disney's frozen corpse until they expired and went back to Japan where they belong. Seriously, America has no idea how to make giant monster movies. Godzilla was a $120 million production, and it managed to spawn fewer sequels than The Whole Nine Yards.