Fallout Equestria: Tales of Chicacolt

Chapter 5: A Black Lotus

Oh, this is the life, isn't it, girls? The best hooficure I've ever had!

Not every tale of the Chicacolt Wasteland is sunshine and rainbows. The old city has seen more than its fair share of tragedy. It is of tragedy that I bring to you this tale. The tale of Berry Blossom, a small-time escort mare working for the Lotus Triad. Berry Blossom will soon find out the very dark truth behind her meager existence. The truth that the Wasteland claims us all in the end.

*******************************

I inhale and let out the smoke welling up inside me. It fills the air, the smell of used bedsheets mixing with the cigarette smoke. I pull the tiny little stick of death away from my lips and look down at the stallion next to me. He's spent and currently sleeping off what I'm sure is going to be one hell of a hangover. Me, I don't drink. It makes me sloppy on the job. Drinking and sex are two things that shouldn't ever mix. All it does is get drunk mares pregnant.

I push off the bed and groan. My nether regions are still kind of sore from the activities the night before. I'm used to it. Floating the cigarette out and back into my mouth, I take another puff. Now smoking, that I can deal with. Helps take the edge off after a job. Helps keep me sane. I shake a bit as I step towards the bathroom. It's dirty and disgusting, but then again... so am I. I try my hardest to wipe away the evidence, to make myself look fresh and wholesome again. I have a job to attend to, after all. Just downstairs, the spa is ready to be opened.

Working for the Triad is a bit of a bitch, but it keeps me in caps and in steady supply of smokes. I don't complain. All I'm asked to do is to provide a few extra 'services' on top of my spa work. I do it, without question. I don't even really know why. To make a living, I suppose.

I shut off the water, drying off my face with the dirty towel nearby. It's clean enough. I can deal. I keep all the super clean ones downstairs for the customers. They need something perfect and wonderful to dry off with after they're done with their spa stay. I hear creaking from the bed in the other room. I shake my head. Another one that doesn't know the drill. Don't get up until I'm out of the room. Leave discretely. Clean up appropriately. Leaving evidence means the Triad gets upset, and if the Triad gets upset... ponies die.

The door creaks open.

“Hey baby, you alright in there?” The stallion's slurred voice says. I cringe. He's still drunk. I put my game face on and turn around.

“Peachy as pie, sexy thing,” I say as sweetly as I can muster. Most of my clients are actually fairly nice ponies, but sometimes the stallions the Triad sends over aren't exactly pillars of chivalry. “What are you doing up?”

“Mmmm... wanted to see if you were ready for round... five I think it is?” He says. I can smell the alcohol on his breath still. I keep my poise, feeling like I'm going to pass out from the stench. I almost do.

“Baby, you know the rules. You're not even supposed to be up and about right now,” I reply. He shrugs.

“Aww c'mon honey. Don't treat me like that,” he says, his speech still slurring. He's not getting any better. In fact, he's getting worse. I grimace. I'm going to have to do something about that. Something I don't really like to do, but it has to be done. “We got a good thing goin' here, sweetheart.” I narrow my gaze at him, staring him down hard.

“Rules are rules, stud. You had your go with me, now if you would be so kind as to get your things and leave, I will forget this ever happened,” I say. The stallion stumbles over my words and begins to move forward. I cringe.

“Fuck the rules, bitch. Now turn around and let me show you who the real rulemaker is,” he says. He raises his hoof, placing it on my shoulder. Bad decision. This is why I don't drink. Drinking leads to bad decisions. Bad decisions lead to what I have to do now. The Triad is very particular about their image with the common pony. Secret services are kept behind closed doors for a good reason. This might be a desolate city with unknown horrors lurking in the radioactive wastes, but the ponies that live in Chi-Town are better than that. In Chi-Town, everything belongs to the Triad. They keep us safe, fed, and happy. They provide for us.

They most certainly do not tolerate drunken assholes like this stupid fuck. My horn flares, taking his grabby hoof in the soft glow of my magic. His eyes widen. He doesn't know what's about to happen to him. I push him back hard, forcing him out of the bathroom. He lands on the bed. He tries to shout, but I close his mouth with my magic.

“You were warned,” I say coldly. “You chose to ignore the rules of the Triad. As such, it falls to me to bestow punishment on such a stupid, stupid pony.” I slide one of the drawers out of my dresser. Out of it floats a rather wicked looking blade. It's mostly just a sharpened piece of metal strapped to a handlebar off an old scooter. His eyes start to fill with tears. He's starting to put together the pieces. He's starting to figure out what's going to happen to him for breaking the rules.

“Wait, I'll leave!” He muffles through my magical hold. I hear him clear as day, though. I sigh softly.

“I'm sorry. You had your chance,” I say. “You chose this. You know the rules. There must be no evidence, and that includes you.” I lift the blade above the stallion, his whimpering sneaking out of his mouth along the edges of my magical grip. He's crying harder now. I don't really have a choice. I have to do this. I have to.

Without even thinking, I plunge the blade into his neck. He begins to bleed, cries of pain emanating from his mouth. I no longer care about holding it. I withdraw the knife and bring it down again, tearing a massive hole in the stallion's throat. He's mere inches away from death, now. It's time to end it. I pull the knife out again and bring to bear right over the vulnerable weakness of his eye. With a solid push, his body goes limp and it ends.

I sigh, pulling the blade back out of the body. The sheets are disgusting again. Just like I am. I've lost count of how many customers I've had to do this to. I start to wonder if I've ever had a good customer. I can't remember when the last time that was. I grab a rag with my magic and wipe the blade off, replacing it back in the drawer. I pull a second item out of the same drawer, a leg-mounted computer called a PipBuck. This one doesn't actually fit me, but it serves a single very important purpose.

“Hello? Yes, this is Berry Blossom. Blossom Spa and Soak, yes that's right. Yes.... Yes... Yes. I'll be expecting your cleanup crews later today then.”

I click off the radio and look down at the body in the bed. It's too bad, too. He was a pretty good lay. I sigh, pulling on my cloak. I trot out of my room and downstairs where my spa is. It's time for me to get to work. I need to pull in some customers to be able to afford the cleaning crew's normal rate for shit like this.

**************************************

“Hooficures are twelve caps, full body massages are forty caps,” I say, pointing to the sign next to the front desk. The unicorn mare standing on the other side nods silently. She's staring at me quite oddly, but I don't mind it. Most ponies do. There are very few unicorns in the spa side of the Chi-Town business, most of them are earth ponies. I'd like to think that my services aren't cheap for a reason, but really it's standard business practice set by the Triad.

Still. It's unsettling. She's not even saying anything. She's just standing there.

“Miss?” I say sweetly. “Have you decided yet?” The mare snaps out of her thoughts, a soft smile on her face.

“Sorry. I guess we'll take a full works, if you can do that,” she says, flashing a rather large bag of caps. I nod, grinning. I stand, motioning for the mare to follow me.

“Absolutely. Please, follow me. Our full treatment starts with a lovely, relaxing mud bath, and then from there to the massage table, hooficures, and finally a sauna,” I say. I push open the door to the mud bath room. Two of my employees are there waiting for us. They smile. “Girls. Go check on the other clients. I'll be taking care of this one personally.” They nod, exiting the room behind us. I motion to the mud bath.

“Thank you,” the mare says, placing her saddlebags in the care of my magic. I take them and set them in a cabinet at the other end of the room. The mare is already sliding into the mud. I levitate out two cucumber slices and place them on her eyes.

“I will be just outside the door when you are ready for your massage. Just call for me,” I say, stepping towards the door. The mare sighs loudly.

“Oh, thank you. This is divine,” she says. “What's your name, anyways?”

“My name, miss?” I say. “It's Berry Blossom.” The mare nods, sighing again. I chuckle, pushing open the door. I sit there for at least an hour before she calls my name. I wonder why she needed to know it. Maybe she was just being polite. Nopony ever wants to know the name of a pony that's meant to serve. I help the mare out of the mud bath and lead her through the brief shower to the massage room. She grabs her saddlebags, and I can hear the bag of caps inside jingling along.

She says nothing as I motion to the massage table. She lays down, and I lower the table to get a better angle. I start kneading into her back with my forehooves,eliciting soft moans from beneath me. I smile. I love my job, I truly do. I take a moment to admire the mare. She's very pretty. Her coat is a nice shade of pinkish purple, much like my own. Even her mane is fairly similar. She could be like... my sister or something. I'm surprised I didn't notice it before.

“You have a lovely complexion,” I say softly, continuing to knead across her back and spine. My hooves work true magic, much more than my horn ever could hope to.

“Thank you...” the mare breathes out below me. “You're... you're very good at this...”

“I try, miss. I've been practicing for about as long as I can remember,” I say, making small talk. The mare sighs at this and mutters something under her breath. I don't catch it. “What was that?”

“Oh, nothing,” the mare says. “You... you just remind me of somepony I once knew.”

“Oh? Well, thank you miss. Not too many ponies come in here say that,” I say. “You're very similar looking to me. I didn't really notice it until a few minutes ago. Who might I remind you of, if I may ask?”

“You may,” she replies. “My daughter. She'd be your age. I... I lost her long ago.” I blink, and smile.

“Well I'm sure one of these days you'll find her, miss,” I say in my ‘customer is always right’ voice as I turn my attentions to her neck. I begin to knead harder, feeling her turn to putty in my hooves. As I finish, the mare sighs happily. I pull back. “It's time for your hooficure now, miss.” She nods, pushing herself up into a position where I can reach all four of her hooves.

I float out a file and begin to work. Her hooves are in good shape, but not great. A little cracked, but most ponies who come into a spa have cracked hooves. Walking in the Wasteland is a little tough. I work the file with my magic here, working the roughened surface into shape. Hooves are best for flesh work, but the precision and flexibility of my magic makes a hooficure possible. A little quick-drying cement to fill in a particularly bad crack, and final polish brought the surface to a high shine.

I lead the mare to the back where the sauna room is. She's quiet, really quiet after our little talk on the massage table. I really hope I'm not freaking her out. She can't possibly think that I'm her daughter, can she? I remember my own mother quite clearly. She was how I got my start in the spa business in the first place. My own mom was... well she was dead. That's how I got my start in the 'other' business. I shake it off and pour the water on the stones in the room. Steam billows up, filling the room.

“Here you are, miss,” I say.

“Thank you,” the mare replies, glancing at me curiously. “Say... would you like to join me?” I raise an eyebrow.

“I'm sorry, Miss. I can't. I have work to do,” I lie. I take clients all the time in my sauna rooms. After hours usually, before making our way up to the bedroom for more... vigorous physical activity.

“Oh come on,” she says. “You look like you could use a bit of a break. I won't tell anypony. I'll even tip you extra good for it. I mean, you are the owner, so you can do whatever you want.” I grimace. She flashes her bag of caps. I think of the body upstairs still being devoured by flies. The cleaning crews hadn't shown yet. I need the caps to pay them off. Everything is a cycle in Chi-Town. Everything is owned and operated by the Triad. Everything eventually makes its way back to them in the end.

“Alright, I'll join you,” I finally say, pushing closed the door to the sauna after she drops her bags into the nearby cabinet. I slip onto the bench across from her, taking in the steam. It feels wonderful. I lean back, sighing and closing my eyes.

“Can I... can I ask you a question?” I hear the mare say. I open an eye, grunting softly.

“Sure, I suppose,” I say. The mare looks away for a brief second before returning her gaze to mine.

“I've... I've heard some rumors that you offer... additional services,” she says. My eyes open fully and widen. I've never had a client ask that one before. Where did she hear any sort of rumors? My rooms upstairs are all sound-proofed, and the only clients I get are the ones the Triad sends me.

“Where did you hear that?” I ask. The mare grimaces.

“That doesn't matter. Do you or don't you?” She asks. I sigh before finally nodding. I flare my horn, casting my sound-proofing enchantment on the sauna room. Better to talk about this without anypony listening in. Not even my staff knows about my arrangements with the Triad. I really don't know this mare found out about it.

“We can talk freely,” I say. “Sound-proofed the room. The answer to your question is yes. I do provide some additional services.” The mare's gaze narrows at me.

“I thought so. Would you... would you maybe accept a new client?”

“I'm sorry, but I'm not really into mares,” I say. “My barn door doesn't quite swing that way, if you know what I mean.” The mare blushes profusely.

“It's not for me,” she says quickly. “It's for a friend of mine.”

“First rule is stallions only. No exceptions. My second rule is that I don't accept clients that aren't sent by the Lotus Triad. They sort of pay my bills around here, and I have to abide by their rules,” I reply coolly. “So, sorry. No dice.”

“I can pay,” she says, pointing at the cabinet. “Open my saddlebags.”

“Honey, I saw your bit bag,” I quip. “You ain't got enough bits to buy this mare.”

“Just trust me,” she says. Her eyes are pleading with me now. I sigh and push myself off the bench. I pull open the cabinet and remove the saddlebags. I open them up, and my eyes widen. A perfectly round black sphere sits inside, twinkling with purple stars floating through it. I know what this is. It's a memory orb. A relic of the old war that tore ponykind apart that shows recorded memories from a pony's life. It looks brand new, like it's never been used. Something like this could pay off my debt to the Triad forever, get me out of the business. I could retire. I put the bags back and I turn to face the mare. She's smiling, but her eyes still have that pleading look to them.

“Alright, here's the deal. Shop closes up at around seven or so. All my employees will be out around seven-thirty. He comes here at eight sharp, no earlier. There's a back door behind the building. Key's under a stone rabbit on the porch. He lets himself in quietly, and comes upstairs,” I say. “No talking, no foreplay. Payment is up front. He brings that with him. Is that understood?” The mare nods.

“Perfectly understood,” she says. “Thank you.” I don't really get why she's thanking me. She's hiring me to have sex with her friend. I shrug it off and smile.

“If you will excuse me, miss. I have some business to attend to. Thank you for allowing me to join your sauna. When you are finished, please ring the bell. One of the attendants will be along shortly thereafter,” I say sweetly. I turn before she can reply and leave the room. I have some cleaning crews to deal with.

********************************

The door downstairs creaks. I can hear it from my bedroom upstairs. I look over at the clock. Eight. Soft hoofsteps follow after. It's almost time. I revel in the glory of my new sheets. They're cleaner than the last ones, and no bloodstains. The hoofsteps stop at the entrance of my bedroom. He knocks.

“Come in,” I say sultrily. The door opens and a unicorn stallion enters. He's cute. Reddish brown coat, auburn mane, blue eyes. “Place the payment on the table over there.” I point. He nods, and places a bag on the table. He turns and his eyes are wide. He looks too old to have not done something like this before. “Mmm... you're not scared are you?”

He shakes his head. I catch a glint in his eye. There's something else there. I smile widely, motioning for him to come closer. He steps forward, almost stumbling over himself. I giggle. I love it when I have complete control over my clients. It gives me a rush of adrenaline that I enjoy very much.

I push down the sheets, smiling coyly at the stallion. I turn my body to the side, lifting my back leg to let him enjoy the view a little. He stops dead in his tracks. I look back at him, curiously. His eyes are watering now. He takes a step back.

“Seriously?” I say flatly. I'd never had one so shy or scared before. What in the hell was wrong with this guy anyways? His eyes drift down to my rump. He's looking at my cutie mark. What's so special about that? It's just a tattoo on my butt.

“Goddesses... it is you,” he says. I narrow my gaze at this and glare at him angrily.

“Didn't you hear the part about no talking? I thought that was rather clear,” I say, growling under my breath. I didn't want to have to enforce my rules, but rules were rules. If I was going to pay off the Triad with that orb, I had to do it by the book.

“You... you're her,” he says. My eyes twitch. Was this stallion stupid or something? Who in the hell does he think he is? I push myself off the bed and stand in front of him.

“Look. I'm usually pretty lenient about some of my rules, but now you're just pissing me off,” I say, pointing at him angrily. “Are we going to do this or not? Because if not, get out or I have to do something I don't like to do.” The stallion looks down at the floor.

“You don't understand,” the stallion says. “We've been... we've been looking for you for so long. My daughter.” My eyes widen. What in the hell did he just say?!

“What?” I hiss. “What was that?”

“You're my daughter. My wife was the mare in the spa earlier today. She told me she found you. I couldn't believe it,” he replies. “But it's really you. You're alive!” I growl. Just another con artist trying to get into my bed, and off with my money. I hear about them all the time from my spa clients. Gossip travels quite fast in Chi-Town that way.

“I don't know who you think I am,” I reply. “But I'm not your daughter. My mother and father are dead. Now, please leave.”

“That's what they told you, isn't it? That we died,” he mutters to himself. Tears are swelling up in his eyes. “You were taken from us, Berry. By those fucking Triad bitches! They took you from us. Told us to forget you, or they'd kill us. We've been... been looking for you for so very, very long.” That's it. I'm done. I can't hear anymore of this tripe. I reach out with my magic, and pull open my drawer. The blade slides out of it easily.

“That's enough. I'm warning you. Leave. Leave and never come back here,” I say, levitating the blade into the air beside me. The stallion's eyes widen. He takes a step back.

“But I --” he says. Too late. I growl, sending the blade soaring through the air. It slams into his side, piercing his shoulder. He falls back into the table, sending the bag containing the memory orb to the floor next to him. I move in closer, ready for the kill. I hate myself for this, but rules are rules. If he had just left, I wouldn't have to do do this.

The stallion scrambles, his blood getting everywhere as he tries to get away. I'm not about to let him. I stumble forward over something. It's the bag containing my prize. My payment. I lift the bag. It's empty. I look down at the stallion.

“Where is it?!” I shout, my voice cracking. I lift my blade. “Where's my payment?!”

“Please... please stop,” the stallion replies weakly. “You don't know what you're doing...”

“I know exactly what I'm doing,” I spit venomously. “Now where is it?” The stallion grunts, lifting his hoof. He throws something. Some sort of explosive device? It's round-shaped. My eyes widen as I reach out with my magic. I wrap it around the spherical object. My entire world disappears before my very eyes and everything goes to white.

ooooOOOOooooOOOOoooo

I blink. I'm somewhere else, and yet not there at all. I can feel my hooves. They feel... tiny. My eyes are watering. I'm in pain. Where the hell am I? Am I dead? Did I just get killed by a grenade? Is this what Tartarus was like? I knew that would be where I was headed when I finally went. I've done too many bad things in my lifetime to go be with Celestia and Luna.

“There, there,” a voice says from above me. A soft cloth comes down in front of my eyes and begins to wipe away the tears. My blurred vision begins to resolve into an even more blurry purplish shape.

“I fell down,” I say, except it's not my voice. At least, I don't think it is. When did my voice get so high and scratchy? “Scraped my leg.”

“You need to be a little more careful, Berry,” the voice says. My vision finally clears, and I look up into the mare's eyes. It's the mare from the spa. The one who brought the... the memory orb! That must have been what the stallion threw at me! I activated it by mistake when I latched onto it with my magic! But... what is she doing here?

“Momma, it hurts,” I whine. The mare smiles softly. Her horn glows and a few bandages appear out of nowhere. I follow them down to my leg. A lovely shade of crimson oozes from the scrapes adorning my foreleg. Quickly and quietly the mare begins to wrap it up, the cooling magic of the bandages beginning to soothe my pain. I smile and look back up at the mare.

“There we are. Now don't you cry,” she says, pulling me close to her. “You're a big girl, and Momma is proud of you.” I sniffle a bit as she picks me up. She's carrying me through what appears to be a ruined building. Scorched photos line the walls. She takes me into another room and sets me down on an old mattress. I'm not sure what is going on. I feel like I'm going to cry some more, but I push down the tears for Momma. The memory is starting to come back to me now. I fell on some rocks while I was exploring, and like always... Momma... Momma was there for me.

“Momma?” I ask. Her eyes perk up. “When's Daddy going to get home?”

“Soon, sweetie. Soon,” she replies. “I know you've been waiting for him all day, but he has to go out and find us some food.”

“Okay,” I say, taking the explanation at face value. Momma stands and goes into what I guess is the kitchen while I sit on the mattress and play with my toys. They're not very good toys, all burnt and gross, but I love making them jump around with my magic. Goddesses... is this me? Is this who I am? My parents were supposed to be dead, and here I had met my own mother and not even recognized her? What have... what have I become?

I hear a creak at the door. I glance up, seeing it open. He walks in. It's him. The stallion. The same exact stallion, except he has a smile on his face. My tiny body leaps from the mattress, clamping onto his leg.

“Daddy!” I shout happily. The joy in me bubbles forth as I bear hug the stallion's leg. He pats me on the head softly and kisses my forehead.

“Hey there, Berry,” he says. “What happened to your leg?”

“I was exploring,” I say, rolling my eyes. “I fell. Momma bandaged it.”

“Did she now?” He replies. “Well, I'm glad you're not hurt. Did you have fun?”

“Yeah, I guess. Did you bring food, Daddy?” I ask. Always right to the point, I assume. The stallion grins and points at his saddlebags.

“I sure did,” he says as the mare re-enters the room. She kisses the stallion softly on the cheek. I make a 'Blech!' noise and cross my eyes. The stallion chuckles. “Found a good amount of stuff in the ruins a few blocks down. Should keep us for quite a while.”

“You're sure this time?” The mare asks. The stallion smiles and nods. The mare sighs. “Alright. Let's get cooking then. We can't stay here too long tonight. Too much raider activity. We'll talk later.”

“Momma, what's a raider activity?” I say, feeling the cuteness grip my heart as I do. The mare smiles sweetly.

“Don't you worry about that. Why don't you go get washed up before dinner?” She says. I nod excitedly, dislodging myself from the stallion's leg. I trot happily to the bathroom and prop myself up in front of the dirty old mirror. I look inside it, and there I am.

It's me, but older. I'm covered in sweat and blood. My coat is matted and my mane is tattered. I look like hell. The image changes, and I'm beautiful. Brilliant, even. My coat is perfectly groomed, but my eyes are dead. Sullen. The image in the mirror changes between the two.

“What is happening?!” I shout at the mirror. It doesn't listen. It doesn't respond. It just keeps showing the same two images. I shout loudly at it again, but nothing happens. My eyes widen as it starts showing other things. Dead bodies, stallions I've... I've murdered. Everything that has been my entire life up until now. The mare at the spa. The stallion that came this evening. The one I... oh Godesses I stabbed him! What did I do? Why did I do that?

That wasn't me! I didn't mean to do it! Daddy! He's my Daddy! I hear the words from his mouth. The Triad. They... they took me. They did something to me... they turned me into a killer. I watch the replay of every stallion they ever sent me. Every one that I ever had sex with. All dead. I killed every last one of them. It was training. I was turned into... into a monster!

I shout and cry at the mirror. It doesn't listen. It doesn't care. I give it what it wants. It wants my blood, my body. I throw my head into it, bashing repeatedly until everything fades away.

ooooOOOOooooOOOOoooo

My eyes flash open. I'm back in my room. The smell of blood fills my nostrils. I push myself up. The stallion is still there, breathing hard on the floor. No... not just any stallion. My Daddy. The memory orb rolls away. I don't care. I have to do something for him!

I'm by his side, talking softly to try and get him to wake up. Tears are filling my eyes.

“Daddy, Daddy, please no... don't do this, I didn't mean it!” I howl. His eyes open and he smiles at me softly.

“Berry, you... you remember?” He asks. I nod, tears spilling forth from my face. He reaches up with a hoof and pulls me close.

“I'm so sorry, Daddy! I didn't mean to do it!” I cry. He coughs. Blood comes out of his mouth. I must have hit something vital when I stabbed him. I pull back, looking for bandages. Something, anything to save him. No healing potions. I find a pack of bandages and start trying to wrap his wound. He grunts and puts a hoof to my shoulder, stopping me.

“No, Berry. It's too late. I'm... I'm bleeding inside,” he says. “I don't have... have much... much time.”

“No... No, I won't let you die! I won't!” I say, trying again with the bandages. He stops me again.

“Berry,” he says, coughing again. “Please. It's alright. We found... found you. Your mom and you... you can live free now. You can be together again...”

“I... I can't, Daddy. The Triad... they've turned me into some kind of... monster! I've killed ponies... too many. I killed you... I can't face Momma... I can't do it,” I blubber. Daddy smiles again.

“You're beautiful. I always knew you would be,” he says. “You be good for your Momma. She's going to need you.”

“But...” I start to say. Daddy puts a hoof to my lips, shushing me.

“I love you, Berry. You're the best daughter in the world,” he says. “Don't ever let anypony tell you different. You can do better. You can be better.” He coughs again, his body convulsing. He stops moving and his breath goes away. I push at him. No response.

“Daddy? No, no, no Daddy... please! Please wake up! Please!” I cry. I shove him hard for a good ten minutes before I realize the simple truth of the matter. I just killed my own father. I put a knife in him and killed him! I don't deserve to live! How can I face Momma? How can I face her and tell her that I... I killed him!

I fall over next to him, hugging his body close. I'm not even coherent anymore. I can't even think. All I can think of is that he's dead. He's dead and his blood is spilling all over and there's nothing I can do about it. There's nothing...

There's nothing. I might as well be dead. I lay crying, wishing that it would end. But it doesn't. It doesn't end. It never ends. I killed him. I killed him!

“Daddy...” I whisper as I crawl up next to him. There's nothing I can do. It's over. It's all...

Over.