We believe it was Oscar Wilde that said, “With age comes wisdom, and an uncontrollable, rage-filled passion for softball.” Or something like that.

74-year-old Ronald Tagliaferii of Shoreham makes a case for that quote. Mr. Tagliaferri engaged in a months-long dispute with teammate Robert Willis, 72, that culminated in a near-brawl at a softball game,New York Post reported. Mr. Willis is now suing his former teammate.

The impetus for all the hate? The color of the uniforms for their softball team, the Kingsmen.

The color feud escalated when Mr. Tagliaferri allegedly left threatening voice mails on Mr. Willis’ phone. And by threatening, we mean he said the grumpiest “grumpy old man” thing we have ever heard, and will ever hear again. The voicemails, according to the suit, told Mr. Willis to “watch out” because Mr. Tagliaferri knows “where he gets his prescriptions filled.”

A later voicemail, in keeping with the overall adorable softball theme, allegedly threatened to “beat [his] brains out with a baseball bat.”

At this point, Mr. Willis defected to another team, the Eagles, out of pure terror and possibly confusion. Like the climax of an epic sports movie, the Kingsmen came face to face with the Eagles in August.

During the game, Mr. Willis was called out at second base. Because this story was not yet too full of “old people” cliches, Mr. Willis asked the umpire to repeat the call because, of course, he is hard of hearing.

The suit states that Mr. Taliaferri was none too happy.

“Hey, you’re out! Get off the goddamn base!” he allegedly said, before storming towards Mr. Willis, causing his team to restrain him.

For Mr. Tagliaferri’s part, he claims the charges against him aren’t true. And to be fair, his logic is pretty sound.

“I never threatened him with a bat…he has osteoporosis,” he told the Post.

Can’t argue with that. Well, unless you don’t want a softball bat to the face, you can’t.