It is a shame Earthlings are still dealing with money issues. We were surprised when we landed on your beautiful planet that you still use money. Before we traveled

If you are worried about losing your job or have lost your job, it is essential you take time now to plan your recession survival. The first thing to do is read our UFO Recession Tip #10 . It gives explicit instructions on how to secure your job. If you have been given the pink slip, then read the information below very carefully. Earthlings, your recession survival starts here. Read our UFO recession tips daily, and tell others. E-mail the Top 10 Recession Tips to everyone you know to get them started ( click here ). As aliens, we come from a very intelligent planet and have survived multiple recessions (please do not ask our ages). Our alien race finally realized there is no need for the concept of money.

Earthlings, Caller ID is your best friend to surviving a recession. Face it, most likely your bills are starting to stack up if you are reading our UFO recession advice.

here, we intercepted TV signals from your television series, Star Trek, and we thought your human race was more advanced. The television program never showed humans with money.

Our planet turned away from money when we realized the following:

Money leads to buying products...

which leads to purchasing on credit...

which leads to buying beyond your means...

which means being placed into collections...

which leads to Guido, the bill collector, calling at all hours...

which leads to a lot of unnecessary mental stress.

We have been there, Earthlings. As a result, we developed products similar to your caller ID on our planet. Then our intelligent elders banned the concept of money, and our planet became one happy utopia. Since Planet Earth is not utopia. You have to deal with money and bill collectors, then you must make sure you do not allow bill collector's phone calls to over stress you.

Buy a caller ID. If you already have a caller ID for all your phones, you are ahead of the game. Do NOT answer the phone if you see the following numbers on your caller ID:

1. 800 Numbers. Bill Collectors use these numbers because they are dialing out of 'hot boiler' type rooms collecting money.

2. Unknown. Most likely it’s a bill collector trying to catch you off guard.

3. Private. This type of numbers should stay private. Please do not answer. It is likely a bill collector. If not, the 'private' person can leave you a voice mail.

4. Out of State Numbers. If you do not recognize the area code, do not answer it.

5. Beeps during calls. If you do not recognize the number, for whatever reason, while you are talking on the phone, do not answer it. You might just be unlucky enough to get Guido, the bill collector on the line. He is trying to butt into your pleasant friend or family call, in order to ruin your day.

6. NEW! Couple Names: if you see an innocuous "couple name" on your caller ID, do not answer the phone. This is a new trick used by collectors. They use pleasant sounding, ordinary names to trick you into answering, such as "Tom and Jennifer" or "James and Cathy". No real numbers have two first names on their caller ID.

Call your creditors. The best thing to do in order to survive the recession is to call the people you owe, such as credit card companies, and work on getting your monthly payments reduced until you are back on your feet. Sometimes you can skip a payment or two. Creditors are more likely to work with people during recession. But some simply desire to give you a hard time.

If your creditor will not work with you, then think survival. Pay your creditors something each month to show that you are still trying to pay them. If you are heavily into debt, then you will have to choose your next steps carefully. It’s a catch-22.

If you cannot pay your bills on time, your credit is going to go down, depending on the bill. Credit card companies are going to come after your Earthling ass, and you are going to have to negotiate with them on how to pay, or you will have to seek credit card counseling.

Do not go to a credit repair service. Just check with the Better Business Bureau and read the list of nightmares on those. No matter how you slice it or dice it, you are in deep crap if your expenses exceed your revenues.



Focus on survival. Paying your utilities and feeding your family are you first priorities, no matter how tough Guido or your creditors act. Please read all our recession survival tips to help you reduce your costs.



If you do happen to get on the phone with Guido, the bill collector, please do not let them harass you. We have seen evil bill collectors threaten to send people to jail for not paying the bill. Creditors CANNOT put you in jail for debt in the U.S.

Remember, Guido lies. And credit card companies will say anything to get you to send them money. Guido only gets paid when he collects, and he's in this recession too.

Guido cannot harass you or call you at your place of employment, by law. Tell credit collectors to stop harassing you or you will report them. Ask them to contact you only by mail. If they are abusive, simply hang up. Then use your caller ID.

The worst thing that can happen is that credit card companies can get a judgment against you and garnish your wages to pay back a debt. Whatever you do, pay your house and car payments first. Mortgage companies will work with you - call them as soon as you see trouble ahead.

Earthlings, do not let any bill collector give you crap. If they continue to be abusive, ask to speak to their supervisor, tape the conversation, and get their name and phone number. Report all abusive creditors to your state's Attorney General Office and the Federal Trade Commission.

It is unlawful for Creditors to:

1. Call you during human sleep hours (9:00 p.m. or before 8:00 a.m.)

2. Use naughty language.

3. Threaten you with physical harm.

4. Falsely accuse you of criminal activity or threaten to arrest you.

5. Send you papers that look like court papers.

6. Continue calling after you have requested in writing that they stop.

7. Exaggerate the amount you owe.

We hope you are not in so much debt where you need a caller ID. If you are in debt, then use the caller ID technology to the fullest. It is a wonderful technology and we are sad that Earthlings must use it. Our race is much more advanced than yours. We are so sorry for being much more intelligent than Earthlings, but we are here to help.

For more information about your rights as an American Earthling, check out this nifty consumer brochure on fair debt collection from the Federal Trade Commission. We found even more useful information for you at Bankrate.com.