We don’t know everything yet. We know Paris experienced its worst night since the second world war. We know Islamic State claimed responsibility. As a survivor of the Anders Breivik massacre in Norway, I stand with the survivors of the attacks, their families, the families grieving lost loved ones, the people of Paris, the people of France, and all those who wish to live in peace.

Tough times lie ahead. World leaders, French citizens and people all over the world are of course condemning the Paris attack. So am I, but it doesn’t help anyone to dehumanise the perpetrators, calling this the act of the devil and so on. In dealing with violent extremism it is important to recognise that we all dehumanise one another. Our ability to stop violent extremism is dependent on our ability to see one another as human. Let us retain that ability in the face of terror, and we may be on the right path.

After the 2011 attack in Norway, in which 77 people were killed and I almost lost my life, the Norwegian prime minister spoke of fighting hatred with more love, more democracy and more openness. Whether these ideals were followed or not in the case of Norway can be debated; President François Hollande is, however, already on a different path, vowing a ruthless fight as response to the Paris attacks.

“Hurt people hurt people” is a commonly held phrase among those of us working against violent extremism. I learned it from a former violent extremist, Arno Michaelis who has first-hand experience of the subject. By vowing a “ruthless fight” Hollande falls into the same pattern, a pattern that will only lead to further violence, more deaths and more horror.

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I was sitting in my apartment in Turkey as the scenes in Paris unfolded on the screen. When Paris is under attack it seems natural to feel affected. France is our neighbour, a European country from which much of our culture, our philosophies and beliefs originate. To place blame on anyone but the perpetrators seems foolish. It’s clear that France is the victim in this. But it’s also foolish not to acknowledge that these acts of violence don’t occur in a vacuum.

The world is interconnected and actions, perceptions and ideologies of hatred and violent extremism are international phenomena. We have to recognise that what’s going on, and what our politicians choose to do or not do in Syria, Iraq, Libya, Lebanon and the rest of the world has an impact, not just politically, but also in the grassroots of communities and the individuals they consist of. The interconnectedness, and the international nature of extremism is what makes it possible for kids from France and Belgium, and maybe Syria and other places, to apparently join forces and pull off an attack of this magnitude.

So how do we stop this violence? The world is seemingly bursting at its seams with opposing ideologies, fed and fuelled by fear and hatred stemming from alienation, dehumanisation and destruction. The best thing we can do is to go out there, recognise one another’s humanity, treat one another with respect and decency. Our response to hate needs to be peace. In my own struggle with surviving violent extremism it has been key to remain true to the principles I believed in. Principles that guide my work for peace, against violent extremism.

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Across social media people quickly took the leap to blaming Islam and Muslims as a whole. They forget there are 1.5 billion of “them” in this world, and that they mostly wish to live their lives in peace like everyone else. We know the French far right is already exploiting the events, spreading hate, encouraging violence. We know policies will be implemented that will further divide people. We know attacks such as this can be steps in a strategy to divide and conquer. The only way to fight this is by standing together, as humans.

Parisians have shown resilience. They opened their homes to one another on Friday night, helped one another, accepted one another. They saw one another as humans. In the darkest night, people came together and together they created bright spots, showing Paris as the City of Light even in its darkest hours. France, Europe and the world can follow the example of these Parisians.