“All families fight.” “That’s just how he/she is.” I don’t know how many times I’ve heard these statements. This may be an unpopular opinion, but it is not healthy to constantly fight. As a matter of fact, I know someone is going to feel some type of way about this post. I make no apologies. Self-care for me isn’t just bubble baths with a glass of wine. For me, it’s about taking care of my mind, body, and spirit. It’s a common misconception that just because someone is related to you that means you have to put up with their poor behavior. However part of my personal healing and growth was to stop normalizing family dysfunction.

Society has trained us to believe we are bad people if we decide to disassociate ourselves from family members because they are family. Family dysfunction is a generational trauma I’m breaking free from. I want my kids to know what normal healthy love looks and feels like. Because growing up all I knew was dysfunction. It taught me that negative behaviors are okay, normal, accepted, and expected.

NEGATIVE BEHAVIORS

Bullying

Verbal or physical abuse

Disrespect

Ingratitude

Negativity

When we excuse these behaviors we are justifying family dysfunction. We make it okay for the cycle to continue because we don’t see it as a big deal. But we have to stop making people feel like they are overreacting or doing something wrong for putting themselves first. None of those behaviors are normal. If anything they can have lasting mental effects. There is nothing wrong with detaching yourself from toxic people.

We are often seen as problematic because we are unwilling to just stay quiet and “keep the peace.” I’ve even been told that I think I’m better than everyone else. I knew that once I made these changes it would alienate me from some, but I’m okay with that. I know that in doing this I’m also teaching my son’s how to advocate for themselves. I’m giving them the childhood I didn’t have.

Are you dealing with any family dysfunction in your life?

Let me know below how you plan on being intentional with establishing and maintaining boundaries.

Kisha

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