Don't Touch My Junk

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Lyrics

I went to the airportTo catch my flightThe TSA put me in theNaked body scanner line

I don't want radiation

So I opted out (opt out!)

But when they grabbed my man junk

I couldn't help myself I had to shout,

I had to shout, I had to get my message out, I said

Don't touch my junk

Don't touch my junk

I'll have you arrested

If you touch my junk

Don't touch my junk

This ain't your lovely lady lump

I don't want to be molested

So don't touch my junk

So I went back

Wearing a Scottish kilt

I popped three Viagra

To make sure my stuff would not wilt

When it came my turn

For that nasty pat down

They thought I had a weapon

So they made me pull it out

Don't touch my junk

Don't touch my junk

I'll have you arrested

If you touch my junk

Don't touch my junk

Let go of my hump my hump my hump

I don't want to be molested

So don't touch my junk

Now who put these morons with a badge in charge, and gave them the right to molest us in the name of security?

Don't touch my junk (can't touch this)

Don't touch my junk (can't touch this)

They X-rayed my bags and then

They patted down my elephant trunk

They went up my shorts

They went down my pants

This ain't romance

No it's the TSA hustle

They felt me up

While they put me down

They squeezed my butt

In that TSA hustle

This is happening in the land of the free? Alex Jones was right! I'm gonna smuggle a copy of the Bill of Rights next to my body, so when they reach down there they get a hand full of Fourth Amendment.

Lordy Lordy I declare

Big Brother's in my underwear

Fly to London, fly to France

Big Sis checkin' out my underpants

They went up my shorts (can't touch this)

They went down my pants (can't touch this)

This ain't romance

No it's the TSA hustle

They felt me up

Like they were my personal physician

Put your hands in the air

In the surrender position

This ain't security

And this ain't sex

It's some other kind of tyranny

And now you're next

It's time to stop these

Big Brother Nazi thugs

Next time you fly just tell 'em

Don't touch my junk

The Bill of Rights, baby.