I Am Boycotting Pokémon Sword and Shield Unless It Includes These 1,144 British Themed Pokémon

Pokémon Sword and Shield come out tomorrow and I am absolutely furious that there are only 400 Pokémon for me to catch and train. And no, I don’t give a shit about those old boring-ass Pokémon from the old games.

When I say I want 1,000 Pokémon in the new game, I mean I want one fucking thousand brand spanking new British-themed Galarian littler monsters. And if Game Freak can’t get that to me? Well then I guess they really did lie.

Just to prove how easy it is to come up with 1,000+ perfect British-themed Pokémon, here’s some I came up with just off the top of my head:

Horridteth Wellisayeon Bubblensqueak Fannyminge Gerbvais Bumbershoot Oyluv Bobsyer Unkill Scrummy Michael Caine Buggah Wuzzat Chisps Pip-piplup Sodoff Uwot Bandersnatch Cockup Pippip Cheerio Pubb Publican Knobknob Krumpit Guvnon Bloodiell Guvnonks Beensuntost Arrypott’a Gadzooks Blyemay Pokémony McPokemonface Shitedon Lobsterbakk Doctor Hoot Coknee Crispsnotchips BoJo Teaveon Chipsnotfries Snog Cocknee Crumpyrump Bulloxed Fancy Rumpypumpy Pissoff Torriegon Fistycuf Voltorb But He’s a Football Beensntoste Tosser Bollocksagor Beesnhoney Redcote Yeahbaby Shaggadellic Teetime Woofster and Sneeves Knifecrime Fiver Loicense Parlimance Expaticate James Pond Coloknee The Queen’s Corgi Cops without guns Kwid The King’s Corgi Jogon Leftsideroad Bruvbruv Aroightnah Rundabout Twat Brexitchu Togepissoff Obeehayve Stagdo Treesamay Anglitoucan Gandolfledore Tikkamasala What’s All This Then Gin Bangupjob Bangers Tonic Bangernmash NotNorthernIreland Kipper Awritemate Pennyfarthing Gorm Hugh Brexeggutor Pudding Hedgesnog Hughtwo MeatPudding BloodPudding Bludywanker Snogsuruncle Bipptyboppity Faragicus Bobsyouruncle Righttwato The Bleatles Metrisystem Timeywimey Fleabag Peakyblinders Farfetch’d Foreskiny Shakespierce Snourlax Orignaloffish Telyborg Arse Shite Bitsnbnobs Keepclam Cownton Abbey Carrion Bell End Supercalifragilisticexpialisquirtle Wankersaur Monarchish Welshator Oywhatsthisthen Takapiss Gobsmack Inthedrink Tonyblair Jigglypoof Whinger Fannysyouraunt Uwotm8 Shagzor Pissonthatcher Nidoqueen Elizabeth Floomsby Innit Chippinfish Sevenbong IRA Paul McCartney Liam Gallaghasaurus The 4 Beatles Hitmonchav Puppa Paparazzi That Killed Princess Diana Dubbledecka Lumpykins Mindthegap Gov’ner Avvinalaff Snugglepumps Globbernaught Ello-Yewchube Yurmum Bean Tube Koknay Clabberdrought Corb Neil Gaiman Limey Yabbersnaw Terrible Candy Keepcalm Roightroight Dukel Livercruel Hagpie Monty Nohtyp Ickygermvais Unuvafing Gilliamas Chiijohn Dodi Al Flyed Liverpoodle Chimchimmerie Monty Ekans Dirty Protestant Alan Moores Beard Pstew Jaggernaut Cuntytwat Troubles Pigsear Iron Lady (shiny version is rusted) Cuppateeth Olyell Queue Bone Weepint B-b-b-bennyandthejets Gromita The Dread Pirate Raichu Transphobat Crumpetea Pokeman Who Shall Not Be Named Trapcentimeter Sebemquid Klunge Schillingter Remainer Wellington III Cuppa Beans Packet O’ Crisps Guinnesspig Plaguerat Pinkys Up Big’un Haggis Carnabee Squeaks Spototea Lola L-O-L-A Lola BBCfoam Deadparrotsketch Radiohead Chuffing Dianacrash OfficeYuKaysBetter Dental Plan Oycunt The Black Mirror Episode Where He Fucks A Pig-asour Judaspriest ColdPlay Idrisaur Wailorry Spotobother co.uk Jameselbond Tadris Jagyuar Hambuie Grommitt Hitmonliam Aluminiun Pint with me mates R.R. Togepi ‘Elllo ‘Ello Takingthepiss Help Me I’m In A British Pokemon Game Fullenglish Gnobsucka Wongledoo Avinalaff Egg Yallroightbruv Duke Victreebel The XIV Of Southhamptonshireton British Pikachu Crumblebee fookinmental Pimbidybum Skarmoury Tophat Serafinowicz ilwrekyu Poshom MissingNay Chimneysweep yagit Churchquill Aveapint Powderwig Aye Ayyye Dirtyorphan Ayyyyyye Charmingorphan Jynx But It’s OK Because It’s Part of Our Rich Culture Wot Wotmate Elizabeef Newsies Pip Rugbeedrill Jigglypuff Mew II Orfun Rightgit Mangetonne Summore Mewtwou Walesmer Blimey All of the Chinpokomon from South Park, except it’s South Park, Fulham Mew 5 Colonialism Limeysaur Uncircumciseo Oiluvatwist Hbomb Eybruv HitmonSarahManning Guy Ritchazard Blighter Captain Price King Krule Sexpistol Coloniowl Blagger Shakesbeer Artful Dodger Crumpetzoid Lassquatch Gilbertnsullivan Fockin’ell Nidouran Toidongrass Nidourina Bestatimes Snibblywobs Worstatimes Waluigi Freddy Mercurion King George III Wobblyscogs Bulbaspice Wibblydon Whitechapel Boris Johnson Itisinnit EwellBeBack Chimneysweepa Charmanchester Eastendasaur SloMate Tumnus Princess Jynx Bigiben Austeromon Wotwot Peggasus Grondiddleon Beefeater Drifdirigible A Welsh Man Wotwotwot Bilbo Brexit Sheepfucka Snorlax but with a U after the O Team Rodgering Bagpipes Shakespear Chumbawumba Sixthdoctor Pikachu Upon Thames Hitmonlennon Bloodyyanks SteveIgnorantmon HitmonMcCartney Blairite PennyRimbaudOSaur Ohboris Irnbru Sentient Pound Symbol Meowthames Lockstock Roit roit roit Crikey Claws Ozzy Octothorpe Paul Machamptny Fleabagmon 2ndwave Jeeves Pissy Beastenders The Sex Pistols Godsavethequeendra Swineytodd Sir Jigglypuff Kanterbree Guyfawkes Wesminstah Anghenfill Morrissey Excalibur Bruff Quagsire Shurrrlock Helen from Watch_Dogs: Legion Carpark 93/4 Megan Magikarple Danger Mouse Acab A Bobbie Constantly Saying “Ello, Wots All This Then?” Missing Nob We let Prince Harry name this next one and apparently he’s gone with Archie Wonderwall Mr Mime The Great British Bagon Off Faboon Ukip Snorpax Britannica Bercowzar Duke Mime Falstagg The dog from the cover of Blur’s parklife Codpiecachu Just Bellsprout Manners fucking LEMMY Cockneevee Boudica Leftsidedrivurr Australia Longbowmen Pramalot We, Nintendo, Aren’t Really Sure About This One But We Guess It’s Part of The Culture of This Region So Here Goes Nothing: Cunt SolarJetmarn Totalbiscuit Falklands Mike Myers Doing A Scottish Accent K. Chesterhen Shrubbery Knackered Doohan Literally Chaucer Welsh Bulbasaur Geomate Uppalip Legally Distinct Pooh Canterbury Tails Havinashag Loyalst Willypuss Hyacinth Scotland Yardizard Takinthapiss ..mon Englishbreakfaast Afourpaper Boringsex Welsh Charizard Fawltytowurr Charlie, the one who bit the finger TheEnglishPatient That Guy Brad Pitt Played In Snatch. All of Trainspotting MaryBerry Tee TinyChurch This One Punched Gandhi In The Dick Once Poregon007 Mewtwo But He Says Blimey A Bunch Newsboycapp Sir Charles Lickitungs Jack Sparrow A football hooligan club except its one Pokémon that looks vaguely like a pack of raccoons A Four Day Old Haggis Dirty But Charming Orphan CCTVee The Full Pokemonty Wooloo V For Victorybel Muttonchop Sexy Wooloo 42 Oliver Twista Muttenchoke Brexeotto Muttenchamp Mime but he’s scared of refugees Fahthing Sir Ash Ketchum ‘Ey Mista Mim! Labourtar Sporteon Count Psyduckula Tentachuffed Posheon S. Lewizard Babyon Scrumpette Oy Blimey Guvnah Have A Trifle-monlee Oy Scaryon Gingereon Bim – Bimber – Bimsy Isnuffn Boris Johnson’s Hair Toriesmon Ringo Team Rawkit Innit Bulbasaurgon of Akkad Nigel Farage Monocool Cheekinandos Spotted Wobbuffet Ket Bellend Koloneeyalist Carpool Karaoke Lock, Stock, And Two Smoking Hooligans Chumbawumbat Squirtle But Wearing One Of Those Beefeater Hats MattSmithington Wobbuffets Your Uncle Aurorausterity Mr Bean Lorry Squixpence Rosemary & Thyme S’Quidd Radcliff KingsPeach Dentallplann Bartlebee Zulululu Buckinghamlet RobertSmith Pippa Tendowning austerity Petedoherty Bolerhat Edgar Wraith Rat Shagonair Loch Ness Lapras Footie Sir Arthur Toucannon Doyle pissoffyawanka Stodgyfigswollop Jeremy Corvid Whatsthestorymorningglory Platformnighnnthreakawrters Jondonne Weepinbellend Hotfuzz Flatmate Cornbynite Jigglycocker Parklife Hobbits or some shite Jumpa IzzardLizzard Knickas Pikkadilly Tossah Bangersnmash Robrydon Zedbat Mudkip, Bloodly Mudkip YaKnob Ayoade Londonphan Pakkie Chunnel Houndoomofbaskervillesmon Oi! Nidoqueen Elizabeth II Page 3 Jynx Joestrummer Ggm8 Hawkwind Bloodyhayle Chiers Mayden Marmite Primeape Christopherly Unannounced Sacha Baron Cohen Character Fukdeoirish Cslewis Imperialdum Fawlty Tornadus Handegg Dunlikspam Indipindince Ye Olde Tavern Kewing Indipindunce Yurroh Undiepundance Astonmartin Irish Famine Enabler Yoo-Kay Witchellmebb ‘alfpence Sunneversets Krumpets Onepoundthreepence Shilling Misterbean You’llNeverWalkAlone Zigglyzat Stratford-upon-Abra Magnemarmite Poleestate Oshawottwottwott PaleFace BigBen NidoPM Hodggg CheekyBastard Brexito Vodafone Dumplundump Birdmingham Electa-labour Taurdos Sillywalk ProperFitBird Corbinite Just Growlithe Gyaradieu Abfab Torygon Margaret CatcHer MilkyPouch Phytonite BennyDrill Leftenant MontyPyhtony Gooner Beatle Prin Cessdi LibDemiGod Hitmontop’o’th’mornintoya’ Loo gaiman Chips Hydrocloset Eyearay Whoasis Babelfish Moorish GlaxoSmithKline Rogguncontrola Fried Goldbat Supahans Thamyork Bullocks Hou-ouh PiersMorganite Oddish Picadillydilly JenniferSaundersShrew Churmander Leeeds Blurd Holidae Churmeleon Churzard Colonioioio Oidenwhot Colinizorino Slowduke Bugger Lahgahbear Tangelalandsbury Prince of Whales Lundun-Acksennt Dregonoit Gandalf Drunk Machop Beebeebcee Paulkia McCartney Fairplay Othellomanyte Beebeebceetwo Beebeebceethree Sweeny Toad Roight-chu Eye TV Daysbeforemonths Panel Show Godllub Geobruv Lad Liftrit Madlad Bludjin Ill Whoopsiedoodle Guzzford Park Doctor Whooper Konquererr Ello’ dactyl Fixup Looksharp Unknown But It’s The Sex Pistols Font Quely Ukie Pichu Townshend Carryon Dalou Anorak Onabout Crumply A picture of a crumpet Undergrawnd Joveasaur Cheekanando Fauklandimond MyFairLadybug Me’Knickers Rightsaidfred Heathro Crabbey Road Londonkoffing Chumbawamba Durandurant ArcticMonkey Clunger Gorbloimey WestEndGirls Tubthumper Niall Horan Union Jynx OyYouGuv Doddlefairy Tonibler Unintelligible Bobbee Bazel Fawltysaur Winkwink Mr Mime But From England Birchill NudgeNudge Saynomor Gengar Spice StiffUpper Conkers ThreeEpsPerSeason SimonGrowl Skiving ColonialBadBad GrahamChapmanticore Cheekyorita Cyndaquid Ledzeppelin Borat Saying “Marowak” Guvnuh Sawspound Tony Blairodactyl TienCrumpettes Anglosaxoferaligatir Princess Diancie Troubbles Shagadelic Fawlty WeeBit Steempunk Poundo>Euroho Sectioning Krabsolutely Krabulous Quantocking Parliamantis Shurlocke Brexit Austinpowers Me misses as’ been droivin’ me op da fookin wall she is – ikichu ExpensiveCoke Nhsssss Unionjack Wales Andycapp Faragigator ElloEllo Chipshop PinkyPanth Eddie from Iron Maiden Double Decker Charizard TinnyOfBecks Interail Grabbapint Kilometero Jason Statham Metricis Elekid but the plug on his head fits British wall sockets Oioioi Cheerioto Goku Feckin Mewthree Telly AliGee Pikachu (but say it like a question) An American Pokémon Doing A British Accent Pika-EU Referendoom University Challengor Toob Monocruel Onyx (U.K. Version) PikachukkaUmanna Meouwtwou Britmonlee The Beatle Roman Reigns Billybragg Squid Vicious Mightyboosh Stonehenge Modestprop Veruca Assault Just a Mop Berry Mary Gastlyweather Dumbledalf Neeps Full English Rappidash Hootligan Keepkalm Gentlemon Uglymonkay Cadbury LegzAkimbo Dizzee Rascal Ghastly Killyourparentsdude Meatpiepie Pokemon That You’ll Learn Is Gay Many Years After Release ReesMoggwart Dumbledour Blackentan Haggish Chapazard Oifuckthathurt Doggovna Scunthorpe Ooligan Cheekygnandos Morrisey Mushy Peacock Noah the Little Orphan Boy Manyoo Dublink The Queen’s Growlithe New England Patriot DowntonKrabby Upperlip Psymonkowl Vvevv Paddington Bewear Clampdowning ALF Megmarkle Urmaj Frostpegg Worcester Bigger Ben Scrafty but voiced by Jason Statham Brexish Ringoostor Nickerbee Dundun Eye Jonolliver Torypar K. Rowlet Just A Dapper Bidoof Corbyn Christopher Leecula Murkin Northerner Oldgregg Hooligan Clippidyclop Porygon Zed CheekyMunky Mustard Ludwigvan Wanker Jonwossy gloucestershirehapmton Buggeroff Tolkienwulf Snogfest Desgustang Sir Lapraslot Bigusbenny Wotm8 Droog Yoowott Ladlads Glououm Piss Qwoppie Cromwell Gowonthenn Queue-Bert Uncle Bobber Machoppe HerMajestysGirth Ramsayraw Footee Nick Crompton Brutal Imperialismachu Guvna Michael Bussler Wailord Churchill Loudredcoat Goldeen and Chips Mudkips and chip Trubbish Thames Shag Bonker Bedwettereeno Nohtyp Ytnom YeahBaby BinMonster James Bonsly Annboleyn Poppycox Anglicanner Trainspotty FuckUp Aldous Huxley Zaphod Beeblebrox Justmahbooooooow Begbie Roariarty 00Bondo Sherlocki Missingno10 Doctorhoot Theresa Marill livedehT 00Missingno Cornelivious Trill Conway Mate, You ad to fukkin much to drank. Right? Sherlock Ho-ohmes Gareth swearonmemum Blackadder Edison Lord Danny Wells Tube Lover Sundee Bluddysundee Eeyuu Mum Instead Of Mom Spotty Dick Trafowlgar Constable Pikachu Farange Milkshayk Keria Fightley Fishinchip KingBobby Pikadilly Circus Youbeeforty Chavette Steelix Dan Ahhfuckicantbelieveyouvedonethis Abbey Roadrunner Damehelen Oi Damejudi Damemaggie Burgbromp Beebeeseewun Beebeeseetoo Beebeeseethree Unownbomber IRAquaza Joliver Eddylizard Dethorkayk A literal cup of tea Igglypop Ausacommons Ausalords Oxfahd Murdoctillery Timcurry Ringo Staryu Hoolihooligan Bearpint chokkablok Bigbenigen Smiddicks Kween Doddle Dillydally Alyumineeum Jakrip Roodboi Sekspistowl Oliver Twist Rippah Tescos Chipsencrisps angus thongs and perfect sobble Joydifission Articunto Guv’nah Ceeuslewis Quackadder Apartiger Beetuls A Sickly Little Chimneysweep Bloody’ell Poofter Chestingtonshire Cornetta Brymley Teatotally Isaya Cherria CheekyCurry Waitrose Tesco Primarnie Shirelon Tallyrascal Noisingham Edinburrow Swinubroll Beef Wellington Granarangry Huegrant Bludpuddin Pint Blokemon V Manunite Mancitee Tourist *Taurust Trafalgarzard Wiggly-Upon-Tuff WotWot Potterdon JK Rowlet The Weedles UKIP ButterBreexit Bagpiper Muggles Rubbish Arsenalsux Yoowotmait Mofarat Churchillan Count Dankula’s Pug Winston Charizard Arthur Collins-mon (does poison damage) Meowthe Abdikate MaleAir Waleslord Sir Elton Porigon Big Ben Is The Name Of The Victreebel Hobbitses Blandfoodity Gollum Spotted Dunk Pissedmate Ashens Magma Carta Sargon Ugh Ekad Guy Ritchie Austin Meowthers Shakespeareon Pegieighteen Poundstone Football Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch Jessie James Bond FIFA Sid Viscous Ragtagtootles Churchhowl Dunnocknock Gromit Bee-Wellington Magikarp-n-chips Jick Therapier Ejioforfetch’d Grendel Norf Megadrivel Crumpedon Qualitea Bubbasqueak *Squirtle but in a Michael Caine voice* Bangamash Spiceless Mewilliecham Master Mime Norfern Little Ben Medium Ben Big Ben Well bred lad of good stock Darcy Mime BulbaWindsor Bulba- sore bout the footie, mate? mUdKIP Pikachou Beckham Roundabout Ringocartney Arrayef Bangaran Masharan Haitchpee Bubblansqueak Monty Python Biburysaur Fishenchips Bangers and Mash Ketchum Chedworthtortle Lord Voldemortle Chris Morris Magmarmelade Quid Arctic Mankey Seal StephenhawKing K. Growleth Yababeeya Fogging Downingcat Darseadra Gaimanblog Cumberbitch Hitmonleeds Beebeecee Manchester Uninetails Exstacee Ball Ox Greyearl Dags Shagger Sheep Mushypeasachu Spotted Dick Colonialachu A Can of Heinz Spottatee Wheezley Chavachu AcidFace Irish Independence Nigel Thorneberry

So mark my words, Game Freak: I WILL NOT BUY THIS GAME UNLESS IT INCLUDES THESE POKÉMON. Or, at the very least, I’ll buy it used. Or I’ll wait a few days to send a message before I buy it new. But YOU GET THE POINT!!!

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