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The Wall Street Journal is running a feature today called “The Tech That Will Change Your Life in 2015.” Sounds great. I’m ready to hear about my future. Sock it to me:

Virtual Assistants You Won’t Want to Fire “You have an 8:30 a.m. meeting with your supervisor. Last time you met, your heart rate was high. Go to bed early tonight, don’t drink coffee before the meeting and leave home early—traffic will be heavy.” That’s how much smarter predictive personal assistants like Google Now and Microsoft’s Cortana will begin to get….

Seriously? This is what my smartphone will allegedly be doing in the new year? Just kill me now.

As for the rest of the list, call me underwhelmed. Apple watches, Windows 10, yet more fitness trackers, e-credit cards, and an endless procession of “Uber for ____” apps? What happened to my flying cars?