"Alcohol taxation in Australia is anything but logical": Liberal Democrat senator David Leyonhjelm chaired in the inquiry. Credit:Andrew Meares The reply from his email address? "Go away and stop proving you are a bimbo. You are not fit to use a computer." When I approached his media adviser Gavin Atkins, seeking confirmation that the email was from him personally, I received the following reply: "You can quote a spokesperson from Senator Leyonhjelm's office as follows: 'We are greatly concerned by this email. Usually he just tells constituents who make things up to f--- off. We are worried he may be mellowing'." With such personal abuse, the Senator disgraces the office he holds. Safety in the White House

Way back when Winston Churchill gave his famous "We shall fight on the beaches" speech, the British Parliament was not wired for recording, and so the BBC asked him to come in to record it so it could be broadcast around the world. Churchill declined, as he was too busy trying to win the war, and simply said, "Get some actor chap to record it". And they did. He was a radio actor by the name of Norman Shelley, and it wasn't until the year 2000 that it was confirmed, after years of rumours, that the famous recording was actually Shelley's voice, just as he did many other Churchill speeches. "I don't like to boast," Shelley said before he died, "but I actually think I did Churchill better than Churchill." I agree. And don't you think Alec Baldwin does Donald Trump better than Donald Trump? Yes, I mean this as a serious point. Baldwin's version for Saturday Night Live had intelligence, humour, a sparkle! But Trump himself in that debate seemed merely an anodyne version of that – all belligerent bullying bluster, with nary an ounce of humanity.

For me, the true mystery is how, after everything that has been revealed, there is still 41 per cent of Americans who think that Trump is safe to put in the White House. If what has emerged so far is not enough to sway them, what, pray tell, would it take? An extremist walks into a bar ... TFF raved last year about how very enjoyable the 16th Chaser Inaugural Lecture at Sydney Town Hall was, a black-tie dinner where they featured the "Egyptian Letterman", Bassem Youssef, speaking on the travails of being a liberal voice of reason in a nation labouring under a culture of militant religious nutters. Something different! Something brand new! Something we hadn't heard before! This year's version is the Sesquicentennial Inaugural Chaser Lecture and Dinner, and it is on November 17, also in the Town Hall. The guest is Sakdiyah Ma'ruf, "the first Indonesian Muslim female stand-up comic", whose material includes talking about life as an Islamic woman, dealing with extremism, and human rights. Among other things, she received the Vaclav Havel Prize for Creative Dissent at the Oslo Freedom Forum last year. Something different! Something brand new! Something we haven't heard before.

See you there. All profits from the night go to the global freedom of expression charity Article 19. Joke of the week The Top Seven Rules of Life in Australia 1. The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm. 2. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.

3. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce. 4. If the guy next to you is drinking and swearing like a wharfie, he's probably a media billionaire. Or, on the other hand, he may be a wharfie. 5. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out. 6. All our best heroes are losers. 7. The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.

Twitter: Peter_Fitz They said it "America is deeply fractured. Nearly half of Clinton supporters don't know anyone backing Trump; nearly three-quarters of Trump backers know no or only a few Clinton backers." The Washington Post. "When we're talking about this issue, this is sexual assault. So we're accusing a man of sexual assault here. And I'm not going to debate who's telling the truth. But it is a 'she said, he said' situation."

Renee Ellmers, North Carolina Republican. "Just to correct you, I'm sorry – it's a 'he said, she said, she said, she said, she said, she said, she said, she said, she said' situation." Jake Tapper, chief Washington correspondent for CNN, in reply. "I'd advise Mr Trump to stop whining and go try make his case to get some votes." President Barack Obama's advice.

"Would you just like to be pompous for the whole day, or only for this question?" Senator Penny Wong to Senator George Brandis after he tried to correct her on a minor point. "The government of Australia's 'processing' of refugees and asylum-seekers on Nauru is a deliberate and systematic regime of neglect and cruelty, and amounts to torture under international law." From the Amnesty International report Island of Despair. "It's a 50-50 argument. I could go either way."

Senator David Leyonhjelm saying he'd vote for the government's industrial relations bill if the government offered him a deal over gun control. "You don't get to horse trade on matters of principle in the Parliament of Australia." Shadow Employment Minister Brendan O'Connor about Malcolm Turnbull doing deals with Senator Leyonhjelm. "Our tech critic says it's relatively mediocre, but at least it won't burst into flames." The New York Times reviews Google's first smartphone, the Pixel. Ouch.

"I see now in the 21st century, the social media, it's very damaging for the children. We need to guide them and teach them about social media, because I see a lot of negativity on it, and we need to help them." Melania Trump decries the damage done by things like irresponsible tweeting, and says that if she is First Lady this will be one of her main priorities. Seriously!