I’ve risked my life in Afghanistan for a plate of French cheese. While not as arduous as serving in rural Afghanistan, the prisonlike conditions on Kabul bases — no family, long hours, repetitive food and confined spaces — often drive service members to extremes to escape the pressure and keep up their spirits.

Consider the “Kabul DFAC Tour.” Inspired by the food tours back home, some service members use official business to sample different military dining facilities around the city. And if there is extra room in the convoy, they bring along their friends for additional security and dining company.

In one instance, during a mid-April trip, Taliban attacks stranded a coalition team overnight at a French base, Camp Warehouse. Within a week of safely returning home, the same team ventured back to Camp Warehouse. Even the Taliban could not keep them from their mission, and a good meal.

In this way, regardless of where you are based, you can try the best and worst DFACs, or dining facilities, in Kabul. Here’s how they break down — with my own little rating system. Bon appétit!

Camp Warehouse DFAC

Rating: 4 Exploding Stars

Andrew Sand

The premier military dining facility in Kabul. Dashing Frenchmen sport oversize berets. A 30-foot replica of the Eiffel Tower looms over plates of creamy Camembert and smoky Gouda. French chefs serve up authentic French fries, crisp and hot. And fresh sole with a lemon cream sauce in a landlocked country — how did they do that? At this quaint French base, meals end sweetly, with rare deployment joy found in the delicate bûche de Noël. All in all, an exquisite dining experience that brings a bit of Paris to Kabul.

Camp Souter DFAC

Rating: 4 Exploding Stars

The Camp Souter DFAC proves that not all British food is bad. Notable for its wide selection, each meal features a tip-top spread fit for the queen – fluffy omelets, rich curries, seasoned roasts, roasted potatoes and sinful chocolate tarts. After dining, step next door to the cafe and catch a lively Premier League match with some boisterous British lads. Just don’t call it soccer. Over all, a brilliant establishment.

ISAF Headquarters DFAC

Rating: 3 Exploding Stars

Andrew Sand

Planning military strategy? Drafting government policy? Or just want to be close to important people? Then visit the Supreme ISAF Headquarters Dining Facility, the “Power DFAC” of Kabul. Spacious and luxuriously decorated with imitation stained-glass panels and ceramic tiling, this DFAC serves as the ideal setting for conducting official business. Visitors can view a who’s who of coalition decision makers while feasting on grilled salmon, freshly cooked pasta, flavorful soups and delectable puddings. Afterward, settle your meal with a strong cup of gourmet coffee. It will leave you with the taste of victory.

Camp Phoenix DFAC

Rating: 3 Exploding Stars

Head on down to Camp Phoenix for its renowned barbecue tent! The smoky aroma of freshly grilled burgers, steaks and hot dogs will take you back to the lazy days of summer break. Flexible outdoor/indoor seating options allow visitors to soak up rays on clear Afghan days or to take cover in the event of indirect fire. If possible, make a special trip for Ribs Day. Straight out of the comfort of a Southern kitchen, the tender, fall-off-the-bone meat will have you loosening your belt and lickin’ your fingers the entire convoy ride home.

Camp Eggers DFAC

Rating: 2 Exploding Stars

Andrew Sand

Camp Eggers has two dining facilities — Goat and Marshall, for double the capacity and double the mediocrity. Fake Tex-Mex, fake roast beef, fake turkey and fake burgers. Even the real steak tastes fake. Given the selection, most meals ultimately degrade into some combination of cereal, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and saltine crackers. Slightly better than eating field rations in the mountains while evading insurgents, but not by much.

Camp Julien DFAC

Rating: 1 Exploding Stars

“The food at Camp Julien was revolting and unhealthy…. I’d rather eat shell casings….”

– Anonymous U.S. Special Operations service member

Lt. Andrew Sand of the Navy is currently deployed to Kabul, Afghanistan, where he helps train the Afghan National Army. In writing this post, he received contributions from Sean Stuart and Chief Michael Solis of the Navy. The views expressed in this post are those of the author and do not reflect the official policy or position of the Navy, the Defense Department or the United States government.