To mitigate the threat of El Nino to the agriculture sector, NAIA has now opened its doors to the possibility of hiring farmers affected by the abrupt weather cycle that is causing drought in the provinces.

“It’s good that we can employ them. Besides, those bullets are not going to plant themselves,” Federico Copola, Chief of NAIA Evidence Recycling Department said on Monday. “We’re hoping that the farmers can lend their expertise in planting as many of the bullets as possible. Currently we only have 1 in 500 passengers being detained for possessing bullets in their baggage. We think that’s too low, and our manpower of corrupt officials are already working overtime to maximize our extortion income. With the farmers around and their agri-talino, we’re looking to make sure that only the pilots and some of the flight attendants ever get to their flights on time. Can you imagine how much shabu I can get from all that lagay?! Thank god for farmers! Help us, help you.”

Jose Makalangit, one of the first farmers in line for the job application, is ecstatic. “Matagal ko na talaga pangarap magtrabaho sa airport. Mas madali ho ata magtanim ng bala. 30 minutes lang, may ani na agad. Di na kailangan ng abono, kalabaw, at patubig.”

There are also plans of closing down some of the passenger terminal areas in the original NAIA airport as part of the rehab plan since fewer passengers are ever expected to make it there. The closed areas will be converted to detaining areas to accommodate the growing number of passengers being detained.

“We want to make sure the bullet-carrying passengers are made as comfortable as possible while we milk their travel money in exchange for freedom,” said Mr. Copola, “and of course we want a good working environment for our farmers.”

“You know what they say in the province,” Copola added, “magtanim ay di biro. Maghapon, nakayuko.”