POOLE, UK—Touting their new product as “the absolute latest and best in skin-rejuvenation solutions,” UK-based cosmetics retailer Lush unveiled Thursday a new line of anti-aging Youthful Maiden BloodBombs. “Our new BloodBombs are formulated from only the purest virgin’s blood and are guaranteed to infuse your skin with a supple, youthful glow,” said Lush spokesperson Kisha Gallup during an exclusive product unveiling at the cosmetics retailer’s flagship store, adding that loyal customers were offered free samples and a behind-the-scenes look at the company’s production dungeons. “All of the blood used in these bombs is fully oxygenated, sourced directly from the Swiss Alps or the French countryside to ensure the best balance between freshness and innocence, and has never been tested on animals. Plus, our commitment to quality ensures that we only use the purest, cleanest virgin blood, harvested in the Old World tradition, with no adulteration from fillers of additives. We promise you: Bathe in the velvety ruby richness of our Youthful Maiden BloodBombs and you’ll feel invigorated, relaxed, and 20 years younger.” Lush has warned customers to only use the new product under a full moon to prevent their skin from drying out and crumbling into dust.

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