Robert Mentzer

USA TODAY NETWORK-Wisconsin

Some time ago I casually expressed on the Internet my desire to write a Marxist critique of that most loathsome of children's entertainment programs, "Thomas the Tank Engine."

It is not that I am a Marxist; it is that watching several hours of "Thomas the Tank Engine," about innocent sentient trains brainwashed and enslaved by a malevolent oligarch named Sir Topham Hatt, would make anyone a Marxist. I believe about two or three hours of "Thomas the Tank Engine" would turn Sen. Ron Johnson into a Marxist.

At any rate, a friend of mine named Wendy, whose children are older than mine, replied that I should probably do a quick Google search of the subject, and lo and behold there were hundreds or perhaps thousands of people on the Internet before me who had also been disgusted by the island of Sodor's rigidly hierarchical caste system. All those essays are a testament to the thousands upon thousands of hours parents like us spend stuck in front of terrible, terrible television shows.

My 3-year-old son, Forrest, has largely outgrown "Thomas the Tank Engine," or at least it has fallen out of favor. Lately he has moved on to a new terrible cartoon called "Jake and the Neverland Pirates," which is also horrendous. Actually all of the shows he likes are terrible. Believe me, my son has many wonderful qualities, but his taste in television is awful. (He does not even like "The Wire.")

I posted this comment on a social media website recently: "Every children's TV show except 'Curious George' is terrible. And 'Sesame Street.' No other exceptions."

What followed was a long string of comments by seemingly all the parents I know, rating children's shows by tolerability, from "somewhat tolerable" to "'Clockwork Orange'-style torture." We had multiple generations weighing in. I had to end a long friendship when my (now former) close friend Andy falsely characterized "Curious George" as "the worst."

We all agreed that Mr. Rogers rules, though. That guy was the best.

I want to be clear about this: Forrest does not even watch that much TV. We were quite strict about it when he was very young, and we still limit screen time and make sure he is spending lots of time outdoors and doing physical things. But it's just that the TV is so effective at calming down a small person. No parent can resist it all the time. Eventually you will have to make dinner or take a shower or just, you know, rest.

But it's a bit of a trap. While flipping on children's television does take a bit the pressure off you as a parent, it also makes you a captive of children's television.

An observation: This is not true at all of children's books. Children's books are delightful! They are funny and colorful and the best ones achieve the status of poetry in the way they compress their stories into just a few lines per page. I will defend the artistic achievements of "Scuffy the Tugboat" or "Katy and the Big Snow" or "Sammy the Seal" any day. Newer children's books are great, too; my new favorite is called "Dragons Love Tacos," and when Forrest was a little younger I very much enjoyed a kids' book that is a genuine dark comedy, "I Want My Hat Back."

Daily Herald Media's own social media specialist Joe Tamborello, a grown man, is such a fan of the 1956 book "Home for a Bunny" that he runs a Facebook group dedicated to it.

Not quite sure why it is that simplified, brightly colored children's stories would be so great in one medium and so gratingly annoying in another, but there you go. Books are better than TV.

I read a news item out of Great Britain on Tuesday, the headline of which was: "Voice of Thomas the Tank Engine quits over contract dispute: 'I feel so bullied.'"

Good for him. I think millions of parents know the feeling.

Robert Mentzer is regional opinion editor for Gannett Central Wisconsin Media. Find him on Twitter as @robertmentzer; contact him at rmentzer@gannett.com or 715-845-0604.