(Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images)

Rick Perry had a phone call with Ukrainian Prime Minister Volodymyr Groysman last week. Well, at least he thought it was the Prime Minister of Ukraine. It was actually two Russian pranksters known locally as the Jerky Boys of Russia. And Perry, as Secretary of Energy, wound up talking to them for a full 22 minutes. Rick Perry, it should be noted, is in charge of America’s nuclear security.


As the Washington Post reports, Perry spoke to the pranksters via translator and they touched on everything from the Paris Climate Accord to nuclear power to Russian sanctions. But the big giveaway that Perry wasn’t speaking with a top official from Ukraine was probably when the pranksters told him that the country’s president had developed a new biofuel made of home-brewed alcohol and pig shit.

Rick Perry, it should be noted, is in charge of America’s nuclear security.

“I look forward to being able to visit with the president and getting a more in-depth briefing [on the pig shit-based biofuel],” Perry told the pranksters, believing their story about the president’s biofuel invention. “If that’s the result, then he’s going to be a very, very wealthy and successful man.”


Rick Perry, it should be noted, is in charge of America’s nuclear security.

“Secretary Perry is the latest target of two Russian pranksters,” Department of Energy spokesperson Shaylyn Hynes told the Washington Post last night. “These individuals are known for pranking high level officials and celebrities, particularly those who are supportive of an agenda that is not in line with their governments. In this case, the energy security of Ukraine.”

Rick Perry, it should be noted, is in charge of America’s nuclear security.

Indeed, the pranksters, Vladimir “Vovan” Kuznetsov and Alexei “Lexus” Stolyarov, have been known to record their conversations with other notable people, calling Elton John back in 2015 and posing as Vladimir Putin. An audio recording of their encounter with Perry has been posted to YouTube. It’s pretty embarrassing when you remind yourself that this was actually a huge potential security risk.


Rick Perry, it should be noted, is in charge of America’s nuclear security.

Perry talked about the future of coal, fracking, and the wonder of fossil fuels in general and said that he looks forward to bringing more American-based companies to Ukraine. Perry didn’t elaborate to the pranksters how he planned to do that.


Rick Perry, it should be noted, is in charge of America’s nuclear security.

“The coal conversation at this particular point in time is with [Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross] and I well suspect it will continue to go forward,” Perry said. “And we look forward to bringing some oil and gas interest to Ukraine and discussing the, uh, continue focus on reforms to recruit, uh, oil and gas exploration development companies into Ukraine.”


Rick Perry, it should be noted, is in charge of America’s nuclear security.

Perry also discussed the Paris Climate Accord, defending the Trump regime’s decision to pull out of the agreement, something widely seen by the international community as absurd.


Rick Perry, it should be noted, is in charge of America’s nuclear security.

“Our position is that it’s our record that should be looked at, not whether or not we have signed on to some international accord,” Perry told the pranksters, talking about the Paris Climate Accord. “The president made the decision that the cost to the United States to be in the Paris accord was not in our best interests.”


Rick Perry, it should be noted, is in charge of America’s nuclear security.

If you believe America’s intelligence agencies, Russia interfered in the 2016 Presidential election with the goal of getting Donald Trump elected and making the country both weaker and a subject of ridicule. Perry seems to be helping that agenda even further by simply being dumb as a fucking box of rocks and taking calls with people who brag about new biofuels based on pig shit.


Rick Perry, it should be noted, is in charge of America’s nuclear security.