For people with vulvas, most experience orgasm through clitoral stimulation rather than through vaginal penetration. So if you are having difficulty reaching orgasm with a partner, try clitoral stimulation during, before, or after vaginal intercourse or oral sex. Masturbation can also be an important step in learning to be orgasmic with a partner. Once you have discovered what type of touch and stimulation you enjoy, you will be better able to give your partner(s) helpful directions.

The clitoris has a central role in the rising feelings of sexual tension which reach their peak in an orgasm. During arousal, the clitoris swells and changes position. The blood vessels throughout the pelvic area also swell, causing engorgement and creating a feeling of fullness and sexual sensitivity. You or your partner can stimulate your clitoris in a number of different ways - by rubbing, sucking, body pressure, using a vibrator. Although some people touch the glans of the clitoris to become aroused, for others it can be so sensitive that direct touching is uncomfortable or painful, even with lubrication. Also, focusing directly on the clitoris for a long time may cause the pleasurable sensations to disappear.

If it appeals to you, oral sex can be one of the most effective ways to reach orgasm. Having your partner use their mouth and tongue to stimulate the vulva in general and the clitoris in particular can be very arousing and can help you to orgasm. The sensitivity of your vulva and clitoris will determine what type of oral stimulation you enjoy and are most responsive to, so there is no one approach that works for everyone and new partners will need to learn about each other's bodies and preferences.

Your clitoris can also be stimulated during vaginal intercourse when the clitoris is rubbed against the partner's pubic bone, which can be easiest if you are on top. Leaning forward and down a little can help you get in the right position to experience this. If your partner is on top they can position themselves high enough so that their pubic bone presses against your clitoral area. You or your partner can also stimulate your clitoris with fingers or a vibrator during vaginal intercourse to help bring you to orgasm. For some people, the outer third of their vagina is also very sensitive. When this area is stimulated during intercourse or other vaginal penetration, some women will experience orgasm without clitoral stimulation.

Some things you and your partner might try to help you reach orgasm: