In a story without a happy ending, only confusing, sad feelings, Rihanna went on Oprah’s Oprah’s Next Chapter, which airs Sundays on OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network, the home of all things Oprah, and admitted to Oprah that she’s still in love with Chris Brown. Remember Chris Brown? He’s the sensitive ladies man who beat the sh*t out of Rihanna in 2009 and whose latest album can only be described as NO STARS EVER. Oprah.

It’s hard not to feel uneasy after reading this:

“We love each other and we probably always will, and that’s not anything that we’re going to try to change,” Rihanna told Oprah, and explained that whenever she sees Chris, “it’s awkward because I still love him…my stomach drops and I have to maintain this poker face and not let it get to the outer part of me. I have to maintain that and suppress it.” “I think he was the love of my life,” Ri-Ri shared. “He was my first love and I see that he loved me the same way…I truly love him—the main thing for me is he’s at peace. I’m not at peace if he’s not happy or he’s still lonely. I care. It actually matters that he finds that peace.” (Via)

She also said that Brown’s in another relationship, so they’re not dating again, but they are “working on our friendship again, and now we’re very, very close friends.” Most tellingly, Rihanna also forgives him for punching her because she forgave her dad for doing the same thing to her mom.

“I realized my father was one of the best fathers in the world,” she said. “He taught me everything. As awful as he was to my mom, at times, it didn’t compare to how great he was as a father. I was able to close that gap, and all kinds of emotions started happening after that. All kinds of things started making sense. A lot of….I thought I hated Chris, but I realized it was love that was tarnished and looked like hate. Because it was ugly, it was angry, it was inflamed, it was tainted. I realized that’s what it was, and I had to forgive him. Because I cared about him still. The minute I let go of that I started living again.” (Via)

Yeah. I wonder if Chris Brown’s current girlfriend, the poor schmuck she is, enjoyed the interview?

(Via)