In celebration of the new season of Hannibal, we’ve compiled a few life lessons from our favorite series for all the Fannibals out there. Just so you know, this is likely to be a recurring series because there is always something to learn from Dr. Lecter.

Don’t verify your address for the pharmacist. Just don’t. It sounds all innocent and the next thing you know you’re in a diabetic coma fertilizing mushrooms. It’s a bad scene.

Don’t go to the acupuncturist. Okay, let’s revise this, as I’m sure some acupuncturists are nice and professional. How about “Be really cautious when the acupuncturist starts asking ‘can you feel this?'” Because if you’re not on your guard, you end up without eyeballs, lobotomized, and either wandering around a field or dead and serving as a hive for bees. Make good choices.

Don’t do drugs. Drugs are bad, m’kay? Because one minute you’re doing a special drug cocktail administered by a psychiatrist via a mask, and the next minute you are slicing pieces off your face to feed dogs and eating your own nose. It’s a slippery damned slope.

Just leave pigs alone. Yes, they’re cute when they’re small, but you never know when someone has trained them to eat live people. Better safe than sorry.

Food can be art. It can also be pieces of other humans, so be careful whose dinner invitations you accept if you’re not down with cannibalism.

Always, ALWAYS feel free to eat the rude. They deserve it. Free Range Rude is the way to go, even if it does sound hipster. EAT ORGANIC.

Maintain a cautious doctor/patient relationship with your therapist. Do NOT become friends. Friendship just leads to them framing you for their own crimes which then ends in tears and jail cells. Or rejection. Never be Will and NEVER be Franklyn.

You can never have enough rescue animals, especially dogs. Because puppies! Also, they’re the only friends not likely to be eaten. *shrug*

Just because someone wears snazzy suits, don’t think their murder basement is safe for you to enter without backup.