MONDAY NIGHT RAW — Spec script written by Paeter Carnivals

Show opens — it has gone back to the “Move to the Music” intro package but with current wrestlers.

Show starts. It is a sell out crowd. There are pyros, bigger and louder then ever. The set has no more video screens and is back to being metal and industrial and somewhat goth.

Vince McMahon’s music hits. The fans chant along with his theme.

VINCE: Hello everyone dammit and welcome to MONDAY NIGHT RAW. We are going to make some changes and I’ve got some big announcements. The Product will now be good. I apologize for making it so bad. I am a senile, evil old man dammit. I just wanted control of the show until I was dead before passing it down to my idiot daughter who will ruin it. But I have been conversing with some true fans and I have realized the error of my ways. So before I make my biggest announcement, there’s one man in particular I want to apologize.

VINCE: CM Punk, if you’re back there, please come out.

[Punk doesn’t come out]

VINCE: Dammit pal, I thought you were going to come out here! I told you I would — never mind. I’ll do it myself. I, Vincent “Kennedy” McMahon, would like to publicly apologize to CM Punk. I didn’t listen to your medical issues. I didn’t make you main event WrestleMania against Danielson in an iron man match for the strap. I didn’t put you on as many posters and billboards as I should have. I was old and out of touch then but I have seen the light. If you’ll have me, I’ll welcome you back with a multi million dollar contract and full creative control. Please pal, forgive me.

VINCE: Anyway, I have more announcements to make. Kevin Dunn, if you could please come out here.

The theme song to the Nickelodeon show “Angry Beavers” plays as Dunn walks to the ring. He stumbles as he comes through the ropes as this is the first time he has ever entered a ring as he is that blind to This Business.

VINCE: Kevin, I’ll make this short and sweet. The True Fans think you are the worst. Your dizzying camera cuts, your piss poor production, your burying of select talent — I don’t care if your dad saved archived video in a fire, you’ve done too much damage to this business. Kevin Dunn, YOU’RE… FIRED!!!!!!

Vince clotheslines Kevin Dunn and then hits him in the skull with a chair, concussing him. Dunn is crying and begs for his life but Vince hits him in the skull a few more times. The ring is red with his blood.

VINCE: Get him out of here. This leads me to my next announcement. Starting today, the Attitude Era is back. There will be swearing, blood, nudity, and all the other things that make wrestling great. We will now be TV-MA to accommodate this change. If the sponsors don’t like it, my next guest has two words for ya…

Triple H’s music hits. He comes to the ring in a suit. He embraces Vince.

VINCE: Hunter, it’s time for my last announcement. Effective immediately, I, Vincent Kennedy McMahon, am retiring from all my duties in World Wrestling Entertainment, which I am now renaming to the WWF again as I have used the remainder of my fortune to buy the name back. I give full control of the company to you… under one condition.

HUNTER: Anything, pops.

VINCE: Hunter, I want you to divorce my daughter. She is a cancer on this business. She once said “philanthropy is the future of marketing” which is unforgivable. She emasculates my male talent. She forces history on true fans instead of letting it happen organically. She takes credit for everything. She sucks and I have disowned her and written her out of my will. If you leave her right now, the company is yours.

Hunter looks conflicted. He thinks about it for a minute. The fans are buzzing, losing their minds, chanting DO IT DO IT. Finally, he grabs the stick.

HUNTER: I’ll do it. I’ll do it Vince. Stephanie, you’re FIRED… from this marriage!

The crowd laughs.

VINCE: The show is yours, son. Thank you fans, for keeping my old, senile, irrelevant self alive long enough to bring The Product back to where it needs to be.

HUNTER: Thanks Vince. Alright guys, who’s ready for some WRESTLING?

The place pops hard.

HUNTER: Great. A few changes then — first, it is no longer “sports entertainment.” That term is banned forever. As is “Superstar.” Second, the following superstars are fired: Michael Cole, Bob Lashley, Jinder Mahal, Kalisto, Titus O’Neil, Alicia Fox, Dana Brooke, Tamina, and of course, Nia Jax. I would also encourage no other promotions from ever hiring Nia as she is unsafe and has a low workrate. The following superstars have been drafted to Raw: AJ Styles, Andrade “Cien” Almas, the New Day, Cesaro (breaking up the Bar), Daniel Bryan (who will now go by Bryan Danielson), SaNiTy, Anderson and Gallows, the Miz, Rusev, Joe, Shelton, Nak, Tye, Becky, Asuka, and the Iiconics. Also Mauro is now on commentary in place of Cole and Renee is backstage again.

HUNTER: And finally, I am stripping Brock Lesnar of the strap RIGHT NOW. He is a no-showing loserstar. He is also fired. In his stead, we will be having a massive tournament for the strap all night long and it will lead to the finals for the strap TONIGHT. Okay first match is up.

MATCH 1: Drew vs Bobby. 20 minute match. Bobby busts Drew open but Drew wins anyway.

MATCH 2: Seth vs Tye. 20 minute match. Seth busts Tye open and hits him with three Falcon arrows and two stomps, but Tye rolls him up for the win.

MATCH 3: Elias vs Almas. 25 minute match. Elias wins clean.

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT

Becky Lynch shows up.

RENEE: Becky Lynch, The Man, is now here. We now have two champions on Raw. What would you like to do?

BECKY: I Would like to be the first ever double women’s champion. I am challenging Rhonda Rhousey to a match on Raw TONIGHT for her strap. Champ vs champ. The Man is here. I would also like to announce that I will date ONE FAN in the audience tonight, as a sign of good will to my new Raw fans.

RENEE: Sounds good Becky. See you later.

BECKY: Okay bye

MATCH 4: Joe vs AJ. Short and sweet 10 minute bout as we’ve seen this before. Joe wins.

MATCH 5: Bray vs Chad Gable. Bray gets on the stick first.

BRAY: It’s been a long time. I have been buried… in the swamp (symbolism). But I’m here. And I’m going to make sure no man puts me back there. I am here to win. As the dark clouds swarm above me, as my journey continues, you will see… you will see it all. But first I have someone I’d like to bring out. Ladies and gentlemen, SISTER ABIGAIL!

AJ Lee’s music hits. The place explodes. She is goth now. She doesn’t skip but she walks. Looks Bray dead in the eyes. They embrace.

BRAY: Sister Abigail will give me the powers I have always needed to make it to the top. And to prove it, this will now be a 60 minute iron man match.

The match goes a full 60 minutes. It comes down to 5–5 at the end. Both men look like studs. It goes to sudden death. Sister Abigail gets in the ring and bites Chad Gable on the neck. This is a disqualification, so Chad wins. He is covered in his own blood but smiles. Security has to pull Sister Abigail away.

MATCH 6: Nak vs Baron. 15 minutes. Short and sweet. Nak wins.

MATCH 7: Rusev vs Bo Dallas. 20 minutes. Rusev busts Bo open but Bo squeezes out a victory. Gets on the stick after.

BO: I promise the Bo Dallas from NXT is back, I will be champion by the end of the night.

MATCH 8: Cesaro vs Goldust. 40 minute technical bout. Match ends with Goldust on his knees begging for his life. He slaps Cesaro. Cesaro says “I’m sorry, I love you” and does a three minute swing before pinning him. Cesaro wins.

Now we have a tournament break for a tag team title match.

TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Bobby and Chad Gable, who is still bleeding, vs the Revival. Chad is too hurt to continue so the Revival takes advantage and wins. New tag champions!!!!!

Backstage we see Bray and Sister Abigail. He is yelling at her. She says she has a big announcement to make next week!!! (since I am only doing one episode it will be that she is pregnant and it is Harper’s or Rowan’s, she isn’t sure, but it leads to the Wyatts getting back together)

The tournament will now continue.

MATCH 1 OF ROUND 2: Drew vs Tye. Incredible match. 20 minutes long. Tye is worn out at the end but he ends up just squeezing by and pinning Drew in a fluke upset. Drew flips out and beats Tye down after.

MATCH 2: Elias vs Joe. Unreal match. Elias hits Joe with a guitar with the referee’s back turned, getting the win. Everyone flips their lid. Elias gets on the stick and promises he will be a heel now, and proves it by saying FUCK YOU uncensored to Joe before beating him bloody.

MATCH 3: Chad vs Nakamura. Chad is bloody and beaten. Things are tough. Nakamura takes advantage and even does a genital punch. But Chad rolls Nak up for the win, shocking Nak. He beats Chad down after. So now he is both bloody AND beaten

MATCH 4: Bo vs Cesaro. This is a tough one. It’s 30 minutes since Cesaro has so much stamina. Ultimately Cesaro wins but it is a tough match. Bo beats Cesaro down after out of frustration.

HIGHLIGHT REEL WITH CHRIS JERICHO

Chris Jericho does another surprise return by coming back to do the highlight reel. He has his IWGP strap on!!!!

JERICHO: Hello everyone and welcome to the Highlight Reel. I’m Chris Jericho and I’m back. I have quit my band Fozzy because no one likes them and they are a failure, so I will now be full time WWF (feels good to say that again) and New Japan. As a result I am the IC champ on both brands because this is now also a WWF belt.

SETH’S music hits. He is still sweaty from earlier. He also has his IC strap on. They go face to face and the place erupts.

SETH: Chris I’m sorry to say it but I am the IC champ.

CHRIS: I don’t think so Seth, I am the IC champ.

SETH: Well then there’s only one way to prove it

CHRIS: How

SETH: You and me. Champ vs champ to determine the TRUE intercontinental champion. And we will do it RIGHT HERE TONIGHT

The place flips out. People are actually crying.

JERICHO: I don’t think so.

Fans boo the trademark Jericho heel turn

JERICHO: these people don’t deserve to see this match. Lets do it at the next ppv instead

SETH: it’s a deal

They shake hands. But hten Jericho throws him into the Jericho tron 90000 and busts his eye open before beating him down

Tournament contunes

MATCH 1 OF ROUND 3: tye vs elias. It is a 60 minute broadway. General manager corbin comes out says continue til theres a winner. Another 10 minutes and elias wins

MATCH 2 OF ROUND 4: chad vs cesaro. 25 minute classic. The place is on there feet the whole time. it is really good. chad finally gets the pin. The place goes wild. They embrace at the end of the match

Then all of a sudeen kassius oh no comes from the crowd and beats chad down. He looks up at cesasro. The true fans know whats going on . they lost there mind and cesaro joins him. So now cesaro and oh no are brutalizing chad who is already bleeding from the bite and beat up from earlier to. Place is booing like crazy

Cesaro: fuck this bullshit company. My name is Claudio castaglioli and this is my partner chris hero. We are the kings of wrestling and we challenge the revival to a tag title match NEXT WEEK to see who the true kings of wrestling are

Crowd goes nanners

And since I am not writing that show I will say that they beat the revival but have a great back and forth feud that culminates in a tlc match at mania

Now we have one match left in the tourney but one more before that

Becky vs Rhonda for the strap

Becky beats Rhonda in a 30 minute bloody beat down then she celebrates with both straps and gets on the stick

Becky I am becky lunch and I am the man and I want to prove it by fucking one of my fans. Who will date me

All the boys cheer

She says ok I pick you and picks a young man in the front row. What is your name sir

Paeter carnivals

Wow paeter that is wonderful let us go on a date

They go on a date and its really good and become lovers

Last match of the night is elias vs chad gable for the wwf universal strap which has also got a new designed (the winged eagle belt) and now its just called “the wwf championship” but the one Danielson has is the “wwe championship” so theyre gonna feud over the true one and of course wwf wins

Anwyays it’s a good match really good even probably 30 minutes and elias wins clean to become the new wwf champ. But he recognizes chad still put on a phenomanel bout with him even though he was beat up twice and bit and bleeding so they shake hands. Chad holds eliass hand up and the fans go home happy. The end credits icon shows up

But then like nxt it disappears so we think she shows over but its not and chad beats elias down and hits him with his own custom made Gibson guitar that he bragged about in a backstage semengt I forgot to mention. The fans don’t know what to do its crazy

See you next week