NEW YORK—Stripped of his files and chair, police officer Mike McCarry was removed from desk duty and placed on empty-room duty Wednesday after brutally beating a drawer. “Effective immediately, Officer McCarry has been placed in an empty storage space off the main office bullpen while we investigate claims he viciously slammed a desk drawer until it shattered,” said Police Commissioner James O’Neill, refusing to take questions about McCarry’s work history, including the fact that he was placed on desk duty three months ago for allegedly shooting a black teenager during a routine traffic stop. “Our officer says he verbally ordered the drawer to open multiple times, which it refused to do before it suddenly sprang out of the desk without warning, spilling its contents onto the linoleum. Officer McCarry then subdued with drawer with force, first with a taser and then by placing his knee on its underside. Anti-police activists are claiming that surveillance video shows Officer McCarry bashing the drawer against the wall and kicking the compartment after it had broken in half, but I urge the public to withhold judgment because they have not seen the video in its entirety. We believe the facts will show he acted in good faith, and we expect him to be cleared of all wrongdoing.” At press time, McCarry was placed back on regular duty after heroically taking down the break room coffee maker that had burned his partner.

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