On Aug. 9, a small, gray cat much like myself ran onto the field at Busch Stadium during a Cardinals game. (The big difference: I have no interest in crowds and lights and definitely not sports.)

Pfft … cardinals. Is there any more useless a mascot than dumb birds?

Anyway. A fellow feline ran onto the field, causing quite the ruckus. Heck, even my sauntering in the newsroom draws unwanted attention. A foolish groundskeeper swooped the ballfield cat up, only to be met with fierce fangs and claws. He went to the hospital afterward. Good. (My editor asks that I mention he is fine and, I guess, that’s good news.)

But now the newly named Rally Cat is in a bitter custody battle between the team and St. Louis Cat Outreach. This drama is playing out on social media. Don’t get me wrong, I have a Twitter and a considerable following, but real battles should be fought in person, in the alley. Social media fights are for kittens (looking at you, PI commenters).

The Cardinals told The St. Louis Post-Dispatch Rally Cat will be returned to them in 10 days and will live in the dugout, taken care of by the team. St. Louis Cat Outreach says that isn’t so. First Rally Cat has to gain some weight and be neutered (ouch!). Only then will the humans discuss the best fur-ever (yuck!) home for Rally.

The Cardinals had a “welcome home” event planned for Rally. Which is nice, ’cause cats love hoopla and affection forced upon them … not!

I don’t have a dog in this fight, except to speak up as a feline representative and say that you humans may feed us and scoop our poop, but you do not own us. A cat belongs to no one but themselves.

Yes, I reside in a workplace, much like the Cardinals hope Rally will. But I have trained all the humans to know that they are in my home. I do not follow their rules (especially the one about laying on keyboards), they follow mine.

Are the humans nice? Yes. Overly affectionate? Definitely.

But I am my own cat. Rally is his own cat. He should be respected as such.

Typo is the Post Independent office cat. She occasionally writes columns on feline matters. She’s never watched a game of baseball. Follow her on Twitter — @newsroomcat.