The Democratic presidential candidates want to abolish ICE and have open borders so millions of illegal aliens who are more American than Americans will flood into the country to do the jobs Americans won’t do, like vote for Democrats who will give billions of dollars of free health care to those illegal aliens as well as confiscate the guns of bigoted deplorables who are somewhat skeptical about having their tax dollars pay for late-term abortions and sex-reassignment surgery for oppressed inmates whose votes are essential to passing legislation like the Green New Deal, without which the extreme heat generated by rampant bovine flatulence will cause the oceans to rise and swamp Barack Obama’s oceanfront cottage before he can figure out how in the world every single member of his administration kept him utterly in the dark as they attempted the greatest and most patriotic coup in American history that would’ve prevented the Bad Orange Man from implementing his virulently racist and sexist policies that have senselessly forced more blacks, Hispanics, Asians, and women into the workforce at higher wages than at any time in American history, thereby increasing the risk that some of them will vote for Republicans as opposed to Democrats, whose enlightened, decades-long policies in places like Baltimore and Detroit have given residents there nearly as much peace, hope, and prosperity as enjoyed by the residents of other socialist paradises like Venezuela and North Korea, which is why in their last debate Democratic presidential candidates told impartial moderator George Stephanopoulos they have absolutely no problem having a socialist at the top of the ticket.

Peter Kirsanow — Peter N. Kirsanow is an attorney and a member of the United States Commission on Civil Rights.