We admit it. Spiders have become an obsession at Wired Science. It started in September when we reported on a spider-milking machine that was built to extract silk from a million golden orb-weavers, two dozen at a time, to make a 44-square foot cloth. After that, we were hooked, and we’ve found ourselves writing about an inordinate number of arachnids, and googling plenty more. But, really, who could blame us?

We wanted to share the fruits of this spider frenzy with you, so we’ve created a Hall of Fame for our eight-legged friends. Who’s the biggest, meanest or most stuck-up spider around? Read on to find out, but be forewarned: Some of these photos are guaranteed to give you the heebie-jeebies.

Largest Spider

The award for the most astronomically sized arachnid goes to the Goliath Bird-eating Tarantula (Theraphosa blondi), who lives in the rain forests of northern South America and grows up to a whopping 12 inches across, including legs. Females can live up to 25 years and can weigh nearly a half a pound.

Although this giant is called the Bird-eater, named by Victorian explorers who witnessed the spider devouring a hummingbird, the tarantula doesn’t have particular preference for birds. Like other spiders, the Goliath’s favorite foods are small insects such as crickets and beetles. However, he’s also an opportunistic eater: When faced with a delectable reptile, bird or small mammal, what’s a hungry spider to do? Apparently, the Goliath will gobble up just about anything that’s smaller than itself.

Image: Flickr/snakecollector

Smallest Spider

Among arachnophiles, there’s a bit of controversy over who should win the award for the world’s smallest spider. Some sources say the prize should go to the male Patu digua of Colombia, whose tiny body grows to just 0.015 inches and could easily fit on the head of a pin. But there may be even smaller spiders out there: The female Anapistula caecula of West Africa measures just three one-hundredths of an inch larger than the male Patu, but her male counterpart has never been spotted. Presumably, because male spiders are nearly always smaller than females of the same species, the true winner of our award should be the yet-undiscovered male Anapistula.

Unfortunately, these micro-spiders are so tiny that no one seems to have taken decent photographs of them. The little guy pictured above, called an Assassin spider, is slightly bigger than the Patu or the Anapistula, but at less than an eighth of an inch, he still ranks as one of the tiniest arachnids around. And with his impressive jaws and oddly elongated neck used to catch prey from a distance, we think he'll do just fine to represent his ilk in our Hall of Fame.

Image: Jeremy Miller/California Academy of Sciences

Deadliest Spider

Of all the eight-legged critters you don’t want to run into, the Brazilian wandering spider (Phoneutria nigriventer) might be the most deadly. Dubbed the "Most Venomous Spider" in the 2007 Guinness Book of World Records, this formidable arachnid is thought to be responsible for more human deaths than any other spider.

Found in warm, damp regions of Brazil, northern Argentina and Uruguay, the wandering spider carries a potent neurotoxin that causes loss of muscle control, breathing problems and severe pain. In addition, Phoneutria venom has a peculiar effect on its male victims, causing painful erections that can last for several hours and lead to impotence. In fact, scientists have recently started studying potential uses of the venom, called Tx2-6, for erectile dysfunction.

Image 1: João P. Burini/Wikimedia Commons. Note: The arm in this picture belongs to biologist and photographer João Burini, who is obviously a very brave guy. From his Flickr account, it appears that he handles Brazilian wandering spiders on a regular basis, but he highly advises others not to do so.**Image 2: The wandering spider doing its threat dance, also courtesy of J. Burini.

Cutest Spider

With her big beady eyes and shimmery turquoise fangs, this juvenile jumping spider (Phidippus audax) takes the award for cutest arachnid in our Hall of Fame. Based on the bright yellow pollen dusting her furry coat, it also looks like she may have had a recent run-in with a wildflower.

More than 5,000 species of jumping spiders, or Salticidae, have been identified around the world, and they can be easily distinguished from other types of spiders by the four big eyes on the front of their face and the four smaller eyes on top of their head. These impressive acrobats get their name from the fact they can jump more than 50 times their body length.

Although not quite as cute as the baby pictured above, the adult female jumping spider (Phidippus mystaceus) below earned an honorable mention in the cuteness category. Her fuzzy grey coat, spiky black hair and clearly dismayed expression give her an awfully appealing air.

Images: Used with permission from photographer Thomas Shahan

Nicest Spider

Not all spiders are vicious carnivores and cold-blooded cannibals. Earlier this year, scientists confirmed that the Bagheera kiplingi spider from South America eats an almost exclusively vegetarian diet. Named after the black panther from Rudyard Kipling's The Jungle Book, this variety of jumping spider feeds on a special fruit of the Acacia tree, called a Beltian body, which evolved to fight off ants. In other words, instead of eating insects like most spiders do, the B. kiplingi cooperates with them. And several of these arachnids often inhabit the same tree, suggesting they may be one of the few spiders with a social life.

Males of the species also appear to help care for their eggs and offspring, an equality among the sexes that’s totally unheard of in the arachnid world — especially because in many spider species, mom bites off dad’s head immediately after copulation. Given all these kind and gentle characteristics, we decided this guy deserved the title of nicest spider.

Image: Adult female Bagheera kiplingi eats Beltian body harvested from ant-acacia. © 2007, Robert L. Curry

Sneakiest Spider

It’s an ant! Or a spider! Or a spider-ant!

This clever trickster wins our award for most deceitful spider, but he’s not alone in his mendacity: More than 100 different species of arachnids pretend to look like ants, usually to escape predation by other spiders or to stalk prey more effectively.

Some spiders do a better imitation job than others. For example, the dark-footed ant spider pictured below (Myrmarachne melanotarsa) not only looks exactly like an ant but also acts like one. Although most arachnids prefer solitude, these guys hang out in large silk complexes with ten to 50 other spiders and prefer to travel in groups when leaving the nest. Recent research shows that this social behavior improves their disguise: Predators might be willing to attack a single ant spider, but fearing the wrath of an angry ant colony, they won’t go after a large group.

Images: 1) Flickr/sharkbubbled. 2) L. Shyamal/Wikimedia Commons.

Weirdest Spider

No Wired Science Hall of Fame would be complete without a “weirdest” category, and this spiny-backed orb-weaver (Gasteracantha cancriformis) clearly merits his prize. Found throughout the southern United States and in parts of South America, the odd-looking arachnid can be easily identified by its peculiar oblong shape and distinctive black markings.

Female spiny-backed orb-weavers have bodies up to a half-inch wide, while males grow to only about a fifth of that size. This particular species has a white body with black markings, which we think looks like it is smiling at us. Other types of spiny-backed orb-weavers outside of the United States come in a variety of bright colors, like the orange one seen below.

Images: 1) Flickr/Clicksy. 2) A spiny-backed spider eating an ichneumon wasp, larvalbug.com.

Snobbiest Spider

Winner of the show-off category, the male peacock spider (Maratus volans) uses its brightly colored stripes to impress and attract special lady friends. During a mating display, the male raises its colorful abdomen and waves it like a peacock displaying its feathers. The spider also picks up his third pair of legs and vibrates them slightly, dancing from side to side in what looks a bit like the arachnid Macarena.

Despite its larger-than-life display, the peacock spider is actually quite tiny, with a body only about 0.2 inches in diameter. A variety of jumping spider, these ostentatious arachnids are found only in certain parts of Australia.

Image: Flickr/myrmician

Cuddliest Spider

We've covered giant spiders, deadly spiders and even stuck-up spiders. But what if you want to keep a spider as a pet? According to various spider-care experts, one of the best eight-legged friends for a new arachnid enthusiast is the Chilean Rose Spider (Grammostola rosea), a medium-sized tarantula that's "attractive, hardy and comparatively easy to care for," according to tarantulas.com. Inexpensive and readily available at a pet store, these little guys are also relatively docile and don't usually bite unless they feel threatened.

On occasion, however, these tarantulas can spell trouble. Some individuals stay put in their cage, even earning the nickname of "pet rock" spiders, but others have a tendency to repeatedly escape and wander off. But beware: Unsuspecting first-time owners may unknowingly buy a mature male instead of a young female. While the girls can live 10 to 15 years, boy spiders live only a few months after maturity, and don't make a good investment.

Image 1: Flickr/Furryscaly. Image 2: Viki/Wikipedia Commons.



Busiest Spider

Golden orb-weaver spiders (genus Nephila) are clearly the over-achievers of the spider world. Not only do they spin huge, intricate webs of golden silk, many species also take down and rebuild their webs on a near-daily basis. Because their silk loses stickiness as it ages, constant nest repairs are necessary to keep the web in tip-top shape for bug catching.

Orb-weavers build webs up to 3 feet wide, usually in a wheel shape with spokes radiating out from a hub near the top of the circle. Their silk is impressively strong — comparable to steel or Kevlar — but can also stretch more than twice its length, making it a particularly deadly trap for the unsuspecting bug. Scientists think the silk's shimmering yellow color serves two purposes: In the sunlight, it glimmers golden to attract bees, and in the shade, it appears a dull yellow and helps to camouflage the nest from predators.

Because golden-orb weavers build such appealing homes, their webs are often targeted by squatters: Smaller spiders, like the dewdrop spider (Argyrodes antipodianus) pictured below, creep onto the margins of the orb-weaver's web and build tiny adjacent homes, enjoying protection and free food at the expense of the bigger spider. Perhaps the dewdrop spider deserves its own award, as the least busy arachnid of the bunch.

Image 1: Flickr/rusty one. Image 2: Quarti/Wikipedia Commons.

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