OK, you legal eagles, it’s time to test your knowledge of the arcane, the antiquated and often curious laws of Orange County.

Laws come and go.

For instance, in 1891 you’d be fined $5 for tying your goat beside a public highway.

In 1922, you’d be fined $50 for cutting a yucca plant.

And in 1929, you’d be fined $500 and jailed for feeling bumps on people’s heads, practicing the pseudoscience of phrenology.

Of course, we still have our share of eyebrow-raisers on the books.

In other words, don’t try hypnotizing a friend in Fullerton. Or digging a 3-foot hole on a county beach. Or peddling patent medicine in Anaheim.

They’re all verboten!

Here in Orange County, we still have laws regulating the molestation of livestock. The firing of spear guns. And the keeping of cockatiels. We have laws that painstakingly define the moment a breast becomes illegal in a coffee shop – and the moment a hand becomes illegal in a massage parlor.

Is it too much?

“I believe that less laws equal more freedom,” says Huntington Beach Mayor Matthew Harper, who has crusaded to wipe silly laws off the books in his town. “Laws that are invasive in people’s lives need to have a high level of scrutiny. Some have a legitimate purpose, but only if they actually solve a problem.”

In the 1990s, the county repealed more than 200 antiquated laws. Among them:

• One that required all communists to register with the Sheriff’s Department.

• One that required all water-skiers in county harbors to be towed in a counter-clockwise direction.

• One that banned anyone over 21 from riding a teeter-totter in county parks.

After looking around, we found several laws that made us wonder: Why are these on the books? We’ve tallied up the best and now ask you: If caught in the act of the following activities, would you be a lawful or awful citizen?

Your turn to take the test we’ll call “Lawful or Awful?”

1. FLIP-FLOP FLAP: You’re strolling through San Juan Capistrano’s Los Rios Park in flip-flops. Lawful or awful? Last year, the city banned flip-flops at several parks, creating the Great Flip-Flop Flap. Why? To prevent liability in case of injuries. Two park commissioners called it ridiculous and wore flip-flops to the dog park opening. “I’m a Southern California girl,” commissioner Jenny Friess said at the time. “The only time I get out of my flip-flops is if it’s snowing outside.” As a result, the city rescinded its rule. No one was ever cited. Answer: Lawful. 2. YOU WILD ANIMAL: You’re marrying in Huntington Beach and your beloved wants to ride in on an elephant. Lawful or awful? Mayor Harper has eliminated some silly laws – like a ban on hypnosis and a ban on drinking beer in your own backyard on the Fourth of July. But Surf City once regulated the weight of all bread sold – and once banned dancing cheek to cheek! It still bans public nudity (thanks to naturist Michael Ferreira, who shocked neighbors by walking in his front yard naked). Another current law bans the “performance of any wild and exotic animal for public entertainment, amusement or benefit.” “That is actually the ‘Let’s ban the circus’ ordinance,” says Harper, adding that it also would ban the use of an elephant in your wedding. Answer: Awful – “You’re busted.” 3. THAT’S A RELIEF: During a Super Bowl party in Dana Point, you go to the bathroom, looking out an open window at the backyard. Lawful or awful? According to dumblaws.com, you’d be busted. The popular site (motto: “Big Government. Small Brains. Dumb Laws.”) says that in Dana Point it’s illegal to use your own bathroom if the window is open. So we called Assistant City Manager Mike Killebrew for an explanation. “If true, that’d be a dumb law,” he said, noting that the recent combination of high heat and full moon had resulted in several “funny calls” – like ours. Then he explained: The law is not about leaving your window open; it’s about exposing yourself. The law prevents relieving oneself, outside or inside, even in one’s own house, if “exposed to public view.” Answer: Lawful. 4. UP IN SMOKE: You’re driving a taxi in Irvine, alone, and light a cigarette. Lawful or awful? Culture usually changes before laws do, says longtime Irvine City Council member and multiple-term mayor Larry Agran. But in the case of cigarettes, the laws changed first and culture followed. In the 1980s, Irvine sought to be at the forefront of this change by restricting smoking in restaurants. It was met with tepid results. But slowly the culture changed. “Remember, they used to allow smoking on planes,” Agran says. “We’ve come a long way since then.” Along the way, Irvine banned smoking in public transportation: buses, trams and taxis – even if no one else is aboard. Which is why a colleague recently saw a police officer ticket a taxi driver for smoking. Answer: Awful – “You’re busted.” 5. STAND-UP GUY: You stand-up paddle your surfboard in calm waters without a life preserver. Lawful or awful? Finally, a no-brainer. After all, a surfer can ride his surfboard atop an 8-foot crashing wave with no life preserver and that’s legal. Why not a stand-up-paddler? Not so fast. Turns out that stand-up paddleboards are manually propelled, so the Coast Guard considers them “vessels” – thus requiring life preservers. “It’s a huge controversy,” says Orange County Sheriff’s spokesman Lt. Jeff Hallock, who says that until the issue is settled, the Harbor Patrol issues warnings but not citations. As far as Orange County lifeguards, Chief Jason Young says it depends where you stand-up paddle. “Check with local lifeguards for local regulations,” he says. Answer: Awful – but in this case, “You’re not busted.” 6. BUBBA’S LAW: You own a 235-pound, pot-bellied pig who occasionally likes to oink, poop and sunbathe in your Seal Beach backyard. Lawful or Awful? We pulled this from our True Crime files of 2013. The pig, named Bubba, gained national attention after neighbors complained to city leaders who tried to banish Bubba from town. The uproar caused local singer Karen Hadley to lead a chorus of her protest song, “Don’t Send Bubba to Hog Heaven,” before a packed City Council meeting. Both sides claimed to have received threats. Eventually, the city banned pigs but left Bubba a loophole. Pig owners could seek a permit on a case-by-case basis, which allowed Bubba to stay and oink and poop. And sunbathe in the backyard. Answer: Lawful – with a permit.

Contact the writer: tberg@ocregister.com