I did it! I got my Legal Marijuana Club Card, and it amounted to just a normal, routine trip to the doctor’s office. Totally legit, yet totally sketch at the same time. The doctor wore a lab coat and scrubs like any normal doctor. I told him my symptoms, filled out some paperwork, and was on my way. Hear the full story, and a look inside a California Dispensary, right after the jump.

After a quick sign in with the receptionist, she copied my driver’s license, and I filled out 9 pages of new patient paperwork. Questions included symptoms, past medical history, and primary care physician. Then it asked if Marijuana as medicine had been tried, the frequency, effect, and documentation that proved the illness. Once the paperwork had been completed and the wait in line was over, it was time to see the doctor. No different than going for a check up.

The doctor was pretty cool! I actually have stomach problems and issues with loss of appetite, so I told him how I have been losing weight because my meals have gotten so small and that Weed helps my symptoms. In other words, it gives me the munchies. I thought he’d ask me follow up questions about my symptoms, but instead, we talked about how he went to the elementary school down the street from my house. My expectations were far from reality. I expected to be poked and prodded, have my blood pressure taken, and be charged way too much for a piece of paper. Instead, he pulled out his prescription pad as if he was prescribing cough medicine. Practically no questions asked.

In the end, he sent me off with some dietary advice to help my stomach, and most importantly, my ticket to all the glorious legal Weed I could smoke. I paid the awesomely low fee of $46 and was off to the dispensary!! The process was easy, inexpensive, and kinda cool. I only wish it had taken a bit less time so I’d have more time to smoke my now legal herb.

At the dispensary my friend and I went to, it was “Patient Appreciation Day.” Every 20th of the month, they greet their patients with chips and salsa, soda, water, candy, and a chocolate fountain. What’s that? A chocolate fountain? Yum, what kind of chocolate? MELTED HUBBY BAR. ZOMG edible chocolate covered strawberries. This was turning out great already, and with that, I was buzzed backed to the Weed cashier.

First, I checked out the fridge of edibles, including 7 different types of chocolate bards, cereal bars, and Marijuana infused Kombucha. There were also display cases with different non-edible products like lotion and lip balm. The beautiful aroma of marijuana permeated the air. The two girls that worked there looked like the last people on Earth to be selling weed. They usually give a free gram of “Green Crack” with the purchase of any 1/8th, but since I only bought a dub, they threw in a pre-rolled J instead. That and two Hubby Bars completed my very first legal Marijuana purchase. On my way out, the most adorable white fluffy dog comes out from a back room. “What’s his name?” I ask the girl behind the counter. She responded “His name’s Kush.”

Most dispensaries, as you walk in, will ask you if you prefer Indica or Sativa. They have a lot of hybrids too and usually carry about 20 different strains at any given time. It’s definitely a hands on experience, customized to taste. Weed shopping isn’t like window shopping. You have to smell, feel, taste, and of course, smoke the weed. They even had Weed samples sitting out on the counter, like Pigs in a Blanket at Costco . Like I said, if you buy an 1/8, you score an additional gram, so it’s obviously better to buy in bulk.

To find a dispensary near you, there are plenty of Pseudo Mapquests out there that specialize in you getting high. LegalMarijuanaDispensary.com, THCFinder.com, PotLocator.com and DispensaryGuide.com just to name a few. They offer reviews of different strains and products that the store offers. Many dispensaries now offer a delivery service too. One description read “$45 cap everyday, new patient freebies, referral bonus ounce specials everyday, verification time 5 minutes or less.” Sounds like heaven. For some new lingo; a cap is an 1/8, and instead of buying weed, it is referred to as a donation.

I can now tell you from firsthand experience: A legal high is the best kind of high. Taking the coastal route home, the majestic colors of nature shot up from the ocean. The dark blue of the Pacific looked like a sea of sapphires, with the reflections of the Sun beaming off like spears of Gold. My little hybrid car hugged the curves of the California coastline and my entire body tingled as the edible I ate in the shop started to kick in. The ocean, the sunset, the smell of weed, and the music on the radio all melted together in the air and amplified the glorious experience.

What could possibly go wrong? The only thing I can think of is that I may find out how much Weed is too much Weed. Weed Mountain, here I come (lighter in one hand, ROOR in the other).