Something you need to know about me is that I get obsessed with things. I guess that's not an uncommon thing to happen to people, and I'm not trying to set myself apart from others like “oh well actually I'm pretty special because, you know, I get obsessed with things” or anything like that. The object here is not to call attention to my differences, but to try to share with you the private joys I feel when I listen to a song that I really love.

I play songs on repeat until I'm on the verge of killing them and then pull back and find a new song to get obsessed with. I've done this for as long as I can remember, but it really became an art in highschool. The mixtapes I world make for crushes usually had the same exact songs on them, because they were the songs that I must loved during that era. My mixtapes were made with a specific crush in mind, like I was making it for them and thinking about them as I made it, but the tracklists only varied slightly.

There's something beautiful about listening to the same song again and again. You learn it, you hear new things, you pick up on subtle flourishes, you really get to know it.

You already know how I feel about The Weeknd. I had a summer when all I was listening to was his trilogy mixtape compilation. Taking turns with each mixtape and deciding, now this one is my favorite. Discovering new things to love about the songs as the mood progressed from “House of Balloons” to “The Birds part one” to “Montreal.”

The Weeknd put out two new songs maybe a month ago, Heartless and Blinding Lights. I liked both of them and gravitated more toward Heartless, but my main concern was when is the album coming out?? I need a new full length Weeknd album about heartbreak and self destruction to get me through this life. I need a new one at least every two years. He's been keeping us waiting. Okay, so I listened to the songs a few times when they were released and I liked them but didn't feel particularly taken.

Then I was on YouTube trying to find a new true crime video to watch and the music video for “Blinding Lights” popped up in my suggested videos. So I watched it. And I felt it. I got that excited feeling like when someone you like sends you a message unexpectedly. His live version performed on the Jimmy Kimmel show is somehow better than the studio recording. His adlibs absolutely melt me, I can feel the emotion in his notes and his “whoa-oh-whoaaaa”s. I feel vulnerable. I feel seen.