I don't know how, but I missed the US Postal Service observance of Mailbox Improvement Week. My mailbox is in pretty good shape, it can wait until next year. However, I did take the last few days (belatedly) to take a hard look at my mental health and evaluate avenues of improvement. I am a recovering alcoholic, almost twenty years sober, but have been falling prey recently to patterns of addictive behavior. I have also allowed myself to be present in social "binge drinking" situations.

The hardest part of recovery from an addiction is taming the mind and controlling the fantasy process. The power of fantasy is the enduring power of addiction. As a long term recovering alcoholic, I am not uncomfortable to be around others who are enjoying an occasional drink. I'll lift my glass of water, soda or juice and toast the bride. However, in situations of extreme drunkenness, unhealthy memories come storming back; scenes of my own aberrations and that of my father. How he or I ever escaped killing ourselves or others while driving drunk is an unexplainable miracle. How could we ever allow our families, our loved ones, to be trapped with us while we drove drunk? As a Catholic, guilt will always be second nature. I do feel guilty for my past actions, I often feel unworthy of the gift of sobriety. The sights, sounds and smells of excessive drinking can draw me in. I can easily fall prey to the belief that I belong, puking, farting, belching and pissing in my pants, a penance for my past sins.

Addictions and compulsions are destructive behaviors that an individual acquires as a method of coping with the pressures of life. Some addictions have genetic components and are passed down through biological families. Alcohol and drug addictions are examples of genetic conditions. Other addictions can be linked to survival reactions in response to family trauma. Sex addictions and eating disorders can have roots in emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. Addictions such as overwork, gambling, overspending, smoking, and compulsive exercise appear to be the result of bad habits. Most addictive behaviors are maladaptive responses to unresolved trauma.

All addictions and compulsions involve fantasy. If an addiction or a compulsion does not divert a person’s mind from reality, it’s not worth doing. For the addicted person—or the person starting down addiction’s path—life’s stresses often feel overwhelming or unbearable. Fantasy is a method of survival that allows mental escape from pressures. At first, people may perceive what seem to be positive effects with drug use. They also may believe that they can control their use; however, drugs can quickly take over their lives. Consider how a social drinker can become intoxicated, put himself behind a wheel and quickly turn a pleasurable activity into a tragedy for him and others.

When one addiction can no longer provide the needed escape, other addictions can be added to enhance the experience. An example would be waking up in the morning, taking a few pills to get going, using nicotine to help with the energy during the day and drinking alcohol while looking at porn to relax at night. Addicts often consciously and subconsciously let stress build to increase their experience of euphoria. When stress is allowed to build up to a fever pitch, the relief of engaging in addictive behavior is much more intense. A workaholic may take on overwhelming workloads, resulting in sickness that allows them to escape professional and family responsibilities for a time.

So my course of action may not be earth shattering news to the US Postal Service, but it should work for me. I am an addict. The only cure is abstinence. I need to pull back from uncomfortable social situations. I have no control over anyone's actions but my own. An addict can be negatively influenced by sight, taste and smell. If you hang out in a barbershop long enough, eventually you're gonna get a haircut. A recovering drunk surrounded by pitchers of tequila....?

I'm not an Olympic hopeful in training. I am an older (not old, older sounds just right) man who should be happy that he's almost on the right side of 200 pounds, and moving in the right direction. Exercise, for me, should be healthy and fun. If others around me want to pound their bodies into pulp, cycling a century up mountains of 12% grades, then drink themselves into a stupor without even taking a shower, that's their trip. A stinky, self destructive, delusional trip. Their "fantasy" is that they are training for the big event, when, in reality, they are inching closer to a possible catastrophic event. Experts have written about the dangers of alcohol abuse and strenuous exercise. I'm training so that I can bend down and get the great angle shot of the skateboarder flying over the top of the jump. I'm training so that I can continue to carry a camera, long zoom lens and lead cell battery pack over a long day at the Head of the Charles or local track and field event. I'm training so that I can enjoy the years remaining to me. I have no control over anyone's actions but my own. I did the drinking, smoking and drugs all the while telling myself I was healthy because I ride my bike all day. I know the damage done.

Next weekend in Cambridge, MA is the Dragon Boat Festival. You may enjoy reading about these warriors of old: They sat on long, narrow paddle boats called dragon boats!

I am by no means ready to die! So, with that fact established, let's begin at the beginning: See links for all the Genesis posts to date: Genesis Through My Eyes

In my not too distant past, if I were to see a street person, a bum, sleeping in a door front or on a park bench, I would have kept my distance and perhaps shrugged my shoulders.: He had the "smarts" to ask someone where to go, I didn't

Waldo County, situated in mid-coast Maine along scenic Penobscot Bay, has genuine New England character evidenced by working port towns and quaint rural villages. Visitors are awed by the area's unspoiled beauty. From striking coastal views to sweeping mountain vistas, dramatic natural settings abound. In addition great care has been taken to preserve and refurbish numerous historic landmarks, homes and buildings. Consequently, the Maine of yesteryear is still found here.

Stumble It!

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