Madonna’s MDNA skincare line launches in the U.S. today, three years after its debut in Asian markets. I can’t speak to the quality of the product, because I can’t afford it. The promotional campaign, however, is giving me hives. For reasons unknown, Madonna chose insufferable social media personality Josh “The Fat Jew” Ostrovsky as her co-spokesmodel. Here they are vogueing in salon chairs while toasting a bottle of Ostrovsky’s White Girl Rosé wine brand. Do you want to drop $120 on a bottle of facial mist yet?

Last night, Madonna upgraded from Fat Jew to Jimmy Fallon, who consented to a live demo of a $600 magnetic clay product with the starstruck fervor of a QVC shill. The pair also played a “game” involving a Snapchat filter-like mouth swap gimmick, treating the audience to the spectacle of a Kim Kardashian impression performed by Madonna’s lips in Jimmy Fallon’s face. Then they tried to beatbox Run-DMC’s “Peter Piper.” It’s easily some of the most unpleasant video content on the face of the planet. Close this tab before terror of impending mortality compels you to press play or buy Madonna-approved lotion.