Raise your hand if you live in Hartford and have ever been asked, directly or via the scattershot of the Internet, whether or not you feel safe here?

There are those who have found graceful ways to respond to this line of questioning, yet I am not among them.

If you are thinking about moving to Hartford and are tempted to ask the safety question, then this guide is for you. If you have some variation on that question, such as “Is it safer to live in West Hartford or in Hartford’s West End?,” then this is also for you.

Yes, I feel safe.

Because I am not involved in buying or selling illegal drugs, I am offered some protection from the violence others are subjected to. Because I do not have young men fighting over me, I am not likely to be caught in the middle of a jealous spat settled in the way that those without maturity have long settled such things.

I am not in an abusive relationship. That is a situation that would pose a much greater risk to my safety. A question we should all be asking is why there are no domestic violence registries to help people to make educated choices about who they might date or marry. These could be linked in with dating apps to help streamline the process.

Anyway.

While I have spent time on nearly every block in the city, I do not linger on those few known to be hot spots. I read the data. I do basic risk assessment. Though I have been told that it is politically correct to value the anecdotal experience of others, the truth is that I prioritize facts, statistics, data. That is while knowing that not all crimes get reported. If you read the data on those that do get called in, you will see how many things happen all day long that you would never have known about. This might be scary for some, but the truth is that it is meaningless in a way without data from other towns and municipalities. Imagine how powerful it would be if all the small town crimes that get shushed and hidden behind closed doors were revealed.

Do you feel safe here?

No, I do not feel safe here.

That is because I do not feel so wrapped in naivete or privilege or entitlement that I expect to have my safety guaranteed anywhere. I know that I am not invincible. Not to toot my own horn, but I have been fortunate to be blessed with curiosity, literacy, and insomnia. This combination promises that after I have counted and killed off the sheep, I have found myself on the Internet reading the news here, there, and everywhere. Admittedly, this does not help to calm me down and get closer to sleep. It does give me something to do.

So, what I know is that people get shot dead in shuls, mosques, and churches. Teachers and students are murdered in their classrooms. Pedestrians get mowed down by motorists who are high on PCP or raging about something or distracted. Drivers have medical emergencies and swerve into oncoming traffic. People are injured and killed by natural disasters — especially in areas of historical disinvestment — and this is likely to get worse before it gets better, thanks to climate chaos. For whatever reason, the ProQuest database has a weird glitch where it wants to always show me an article about a Simsbury police officer whose cruiser was smacked by a tree limb in 1971. Seriously. I search for an article that does not use any connected keywords, yet this one still pops up. I think it is the universe warning me to not trust my tree friends too blindly.

What I know is that many people have been victimized and traumatized. They have been physically and sexually assaulted by those they had been taught to trust. These individuals were raised in cities, suburbs, and exurbs. Some did not heal well, and turned to drugs and alcohol. Some did not survive their addictions.

Data on the opioid epidemic should tell you all you need to know. Your wealthy, segregated, suburban neighborhood will not protect you from its grasp.

Stranger-on-stranger violent crime, toward women, on the street is not unheard of, but it is rare. Fixating on this possibility could drive one mad. Keep someone locked up in their home with a negative feedback loop from the news, which rarely provides positive stories. That is to say, one can create an illusion of safety through social isolation, but for what? To lose all quality of life?

Twice, I have seen someone draw a gun within close range. Both of these incidents were in Middletown. I have not sworn off Middletown because of this.

Yes, I feel safe in Hartford, but I feel safe nowhere. Both things are possible.

I would like to turn the question around.

Do you know the difference between safety and comfort?

I will never stop asking that.

Are you accustomed to having neighbors who are significantly lighter or darker than you? Have you only ever been able to blend in? Is your norm to never have to explain your religious views or practices because they are the norm where you live? Are you used to making more or less the same amount of money as those around you? Is it unusual to hear a language other than English spoken, outside of perhaps a study session for an academic class or the occasional pop song or Taco Tuesdays?

Do you have a negative emotional response when a stranger tries to talk to you on the street, regardless of the reason? Are you intensely bothered by panhandlers? Like, more bothered than being asked by a coworker to support her child’s school fundraiser by purchasing candles or pies, or some other crap you don’t need? More bothered than you are by telemarketers?

Those are comfort issues. Not safety.

Own that discomfort. Work through it. Or not. But don’t try to pass it off as a safety concern.

Cultural differences are real, and even the most open-minded and well-meaning individuals can take some time to adjust. If your sense of normal is the conformity of the suburban lawn, maybe it takes a minute to accept a reality that is edible yards, or just really tall grass.

Being confronted by the visible and stark manifestations of poverty can be exceptionally uncomfortable. It should be, but only because it means that people are struggling. Ideally, that discomfort would be a catalyst for social activism. It would inspire folks to push for better living conditions, stronger education, and more varied types of jobs.

What we have learned so far:

(1) Nobody’s safety is guaranteed anywhere

(2) Don’t confuse your comfort with your safety.

What else?

Before moving anywhere, people should do research. It may not be possible for everyone to make major decisions about where they live (Section 8) and not everyone always has much time to do the research (evictions, fleeing domestic violence, etc.). But for everyone else…those who would pause to ask if an area is safe…do the legwork. This goes beyond searching the database, or reading the arrest log and newspaper articles.

It’s time to get introspective and spell out your values and priorities. Rather than issuing the general “where should I live” to strangers on Reddit or Facebook who have no idea what makes you tick, think about what you need, what you prefer, and what would be a dealbreaker.

How close is this potential home (apartment, condo, whatever) to work or school? Can you make the commute on foot or bike, if necessary? Can you take the bus easily and without a transfer? Maybe you don’t mind the expense of an automobile or the inconvenience of relying on one far outside the city center. But just like not bringing your cultural expectations about lawns into rural or urban areas, don’t expect an area of high population density to provide the same kind of parking options as would be found in the type of community that was literally developed around the car.

Is this potential home above or on the same block as a bar or club? Some people want the chance to walk downstairs in their jammies to grab a drink. Some want to avoid the noise and all that comes with night life. Know yourself.

Is it close to a school or church? Maybe that’s a perk. Maybe you don’t like the joyous sound of children playing at recess while you work from home. Is this a school where children walk or take the bus, or is it one where every parent insists on drop off/pick up with idling cars? Are there crossing guards? Speed humps?

If there is no yard, how can you have your need to be in nature met otherwise? What is the proximity to green space, from parks to cemeteries to community gardens? Is there space in the nearest community garden?

How will you feed yourself? Can you locate at least one grocery that sells nutritious fruits and vegetables, among other things, within what is a reasonable distance for you? If your desired neighborhood is without this, are there entities actively working to change this?

What kind of vibe do you want from a neighborhood? Do you like those where people hang out on their porches and socialize, or are you more into those where any activity occurs indoors or in backyards? Do you welcome the vibrancy of children playing in the street? Do you want anonymity or to be invited to neighbors’ barbecues?

Is this potential home next to any environmental hazards like a trash-burning plant? Is it close to the highway where you might get your asthma triggered?

Have you done firsthand sleuthing, like walking the block during a weekday, on the weekend, and at night? If possible, go and see for yourself.

How close are you to art galleries? Is that even a thing you care about? Coffee shops? A place where you can mooch free WiFi? Is the nearest library one that will serve your needs? Is being a block away from an amazing bakery desirable?

Basically, do you need to do more with yourself than go to work, go home, turn on Netflix, sleep, then do it all over?

There are a few resources that can help you to track down areas that might be more attractive for you based on your interests. One is Real Hartford, my own website that I’ve worked on since 2007. Go to the search bar and type in keywords for whatever you are interested in, or, browse by neighborhood (Downtown, Asylum Hill, Frog Hollow, South Green, Sheldon-Charter Oak, Clay Arsenal, Upper Albany, North East, Blue Hills, West End, Parkville, Behind the Rocks, Southwest, South End, Barry Square, South Meadows, and North Meadows).

Hartford.com is another resource.

Both Real Hartford and Hartford.com were created by people who have lived in the area for a long time. Personally, I would rather hear from someone who has spent many years somewhere, than from a person who was more of a visitor, coming and going within just over a year. That’s the advice you open yourself up to while asking random strangers on social media. At the very least, get more info about someone’s background before taking their opinion seriously.

All of this is to say that when you ask me if I feel safe, and I say “yes, I do,” I don’t offer that position casually or from afar. I’ve walked or biked down almost every block of Hartford. Much of this experience has and is being photographed. You are not getting the perspective of someone who won’t go into the neighborhoods unless sealed up within a plastic and steel box, nor from someone wearing blinders.

We are not 100% safe anywhere. That should not stop us from trying to live.