Friends, for the past few years I've tried to honestly report on science news and explain the wonders of our wide world. Over that time, I've learned a great many things about some of my fellow science communicators. Most of what I've learned is benign: Some of my colleagues use shorter sentences than others. Others are quite the tweeters. One in particular is smitten with sharks.

But I've also uncovered some horrifying truths, particularly in regards to my colleagues who challenge Vani Hari (a.k.a. the Food Babe), promote evidence-based medicine, insist that vaccines are safe, and defend GMOs. You might know these people better as "corporate shills."

When the startling facts first started trickling in, I tried to ignore them. "Keep your head down," I thought to myself. "Stick to the science. Just stick to the science..."

But, over time, the trickle of damning truths turned torrential, and I began to realize that I could not, in good faith, hold my silence any longer.

This will be the last piece I pen for RealClearScience, I expect. As has been pointed out by a great many sage commenters, my employers are, in fact, villainous corporate overlords, and they undoubtedly won't like what I'm about to reveal. While I'll dearly miss relaying the majesty of the universe, the beauty of biology, and all the fascinating stories from science history, I'll gladly enter exile knowing that my conscience is clear.

My confession specifically revolves around four men: University of Florida horticultural scientist and outspoken agriculture technologist Kevin Folta, oncologist and Science-Based Medicine editor David Gorski (also known as "Orac"), Yale neurologist and skeptical educator Steven Novella, and my co-worker, RCS editor Dr. Alex Berezow.

Let's get this over with.

Kevin Folta loves strawberries. He's also a huge fan of the satirical romp Canadian Bacon and the timeless rock n' roll deadpan comedy This Is Spinal Tap. Worse, he even volunteers his time to help young, impressionable students with science fair projects.

David Gorski is a highly credentialed doctor and surgeon. He also runs a laboratory actively researching the problems of breast cancer overdiagnosis. Apparently, his patients seem to think he's a pretty good guy.

Steven Novella is also a doctor and regularly sees patients. From frequently listening to his podcast, The Skeptics' Guide to the Universe, I've learned that he has a loving family, tells "dad jokes" non-stop, and quotes South Park, Star Wars, and Star Trek like he's seen every episode of each. Apparently, he even co-authored a campaign for the popular pen and paper game Dungeons and Dragons. "Quite a nerd, Novella is," Yoda might say.

Lastly, though this is incredibly soul wrenching for me to say, Alex Berezow -- my good friend -- regularly watches soccer and actively attends Seattle Sounders games. He's also blunt and honest, sometimes brutally.

Obviously, I could not uncover any malicious ties between these science communicators and any evil corporations, otherwise I would have shared them. But I think you'll agree that what I've found is far more troubling.

The dearth of damning evidence clearly indicates that something is going on. Folta, Gorski, Novella, Berezow, and pretty much every other science communicator who who slams so-called "pseudoscience" obviously conceal their ties to Monsanto, Big Pharma, and the food industry by maintaining what many might call "normal lives." They have friends, families, and hobbies. They laugh, garden (with lots and lots of pesticides, no doubt), and commute to work. Who knows, they might even possess consciences and some sense of morality.

In short, they're just like you and me.

The frightening ramification of Novella, Folta, Gorski, and Berezow's innocuous normalcy is that they ably blend into cultured society. This begs a disturbing question: If they can hide their corruption so well, anyone can! Who else might be in league with them? Perhaps your mailman? Your organic grocer? Your barista?

Think of what such a conspiracy could accomplish! Organic strawberries laced with glyphosate... Letters sealed with sticky chemicals...

Oh no. Did your server just slip milk from cows given rBST into your cappuccino?

(Image: Imgur)