Al Gore, the former vice-president of the United States, lives in a mansion that uses more electricity than the average family's bungalow! David Suzuki rides on a bus that uses more fuel than a Smart car to get across Canada! Oh my God! And this is just the tip of the vanishing iceberg!

The right-wing press, determined to act in the public interest by making us forget the planet is going to hell in a hand basket by discrediting those who want to tell us about it, have pooled their resources to find even more stunning examples of hypocrisy from these two incredibly annoying environmentalists.

Consider the following:

Al Gore, on a recent trip to New York City to discuss his film, is walking west on 50th St., when he reaches Park Ave. Gore waits for the lights to change. Then, when he gets his walk signal, he proceeds across Park, strolling past dozens of idling cars and taxis and trucks that have been brought to a halt. How many tonnes of greenhouse gas were spilled into the atmosphere, just so Al Gore could cross the street? Who the hell does he think he is?

Does it even occur to Al Gore to ask all these drivers to turn off their engines while he passes by? Does he urge his fellow pedestrians to join him in running across the street, thereby shortening the time these cars will have to idle?

You know the answer, don't you?

Outside Kamloops, taking a break from the eco-tour, David Suzuki orders a Coke with ice. Then he gets involved in a discussion with someone about the melting polar ice caps and the rising oceans blah blah blah and forgets about his soft drink. By the time he gets around to drinking it, THE ICE HAS MELTED. So here's this guy, who supposedly cares about all those disappearing icebergs, and yet when he has some ice right in front of him, he doesn't even give it the time of day.

Al Gore, in a memo to one of his aides about a terrific new idea he has to alert Americans about the perils of global warming, doodles a light bulb coming on over someone's head. But the light bulb he draws is not one of the new twirly energy-efficient ones shaped like a pig's tail, but an old-fashioned incandescent bulb that sucks energy. If Gore is really so concerned about the planet, why doesn't he doodle an environmentally friendly bulb? Wouldn't THAT be a good idea? Huh, Al?

A joint Fox News//Global News examination of David Suzuki's blue boxes found plenty of bottles and plastic containers and cardboard and empty tin cans, but there was something very curious about the contents. While there were 23 empty tin cans, there were only 16 tin can lids. What happened to those seven missing lids? Did they get tossed into the regular garbage? Did David Suzuki allow seven tin lids to go landfill rather than a recycling centre? How can we believe anything from a man who would commit such a crime against the environment?

Sept. 19, 2006, 10:43 a.m. Tipper's loading up the Gores' solar-powered dishwasher, which she intends to run as soon as Al gets that coffee cup from his study and puts it in the empty spot on the top rack. But the moment Tipper leaves the kitchen, Al, who can't be bothered to go upstairs to grab the cup, starts the dishwasher with the spot still empty, thereby WASTING SOLAR POWER. If everyone follows his example, how long will it be before the sun runs out of power?

TOMORROW: How not worrying about global warming has changed my life.

Email: lbarclay@thestar.ca.

Website: linwoodbarclay.com.