1. “Life isn’t about peeling the banana—it’s about choosing the right banana and making sure it doesn’t go bad. Otherwise, you’ve just wasted fifty cents.”

2. “You’re only as weak as the space you take up on the subway.”

3. “Hardship is normal and only makes us stronger. Even Albert Einstein threw fits over sliding no-show socks.”

4. “Rainbows are just God celebrating Pride Month.”

5. “If you go home with somebody and they don’t own a single game of Mario Kart, don’t fuck ’em.”

6. “I need feminism because I’m pretty damn tired of being judged for wearing boxers. They’re comfortable, guys. Time to start sharing.”

7. “When you don’t eat steak, you never bite off more than you can chew. GO VEGAN.”

8. “Perhaps the only thing more inspiring than a well-read woman is a well-read dog. How does that work?”

9. “Home is where your alarm clock is because without that, you wouldn’t make it to the job that lets you afford a home.”

10. “MAKE AMERICA FORGET ABOUT KOMBUCHA AGAIN.”