STRATHAM � In the middle of in-patient therapy for an eating disorder and grappling with questions of his own gender identity, pioneer transgender athlete Schuyler Bailar made a phone call that changed his life.

He was about to tell the Harvard women�s swimming coach her prized recruit would not be joining the Crimson that fall because he, as a biological woman, was going through, �gender stuff,� after originally saying he was going on a gap year for mental health reasons.

�I spent 131 days (in therapy), that�s the first place in my life that asked me to slow down, and actually come to a stop,� Bailar said after he was forced to take a gap year after committing to swim on the Harvard women�s team. �It was in that space that (therapy) created for me, that I was finally able to say I�m transgender. Initially, that came with a relief � but I�m an athlete. I was recruited to swim for Harvard�s women�s swim team.�

Bailar, who would go on to become the first male transgender athlete in NCAA Division I history in 2015, spoke to students, parents and community members after school at the Cooperative Middle School Tuesday. He addressed the stigma children face from society, peers and, in some cases, parents project onto them if they are actively questioning their gender identity.

�If I tell (my coach) in this moment, there is a very real likelihood, that I lose her, that I lose this team, maybe I lose Harvard, maybe I lose swimming,� said Bailar. �I said I spent all this time trying to be honest with myself, you know in this moment I think I owe it to myself to be honest with my coach.�

Bailar, who was a decorated female swimmer in high school, said his coach was supportive of him from the start and said the team still �loved him� and would originally keep his place on the women�s team for him. Later Bailar said his coach spoke with the Harvard men�s coach because she wanted what was best for Bailar�s mental well-being as he was going through his transition.

Bailar said the men�s coach didn�t hesitate for a second to allow him on the team.

�If you think about Division I sports, you think about the sociopolitical climate of this country, you think about college sports, in general,� Bailar said. �Then you think about this man who has never interacted with the trans community, a transgender person before and he�s like, �Sure, bring the trans kid,' that�s pretty incredible.�

Bailar said he found himself at a crossroads, trying to reconcile a whole life spent excelling at women�s swimming to earn a scholarship to an elite university. All that was left to do was earn the support of his teammates, he said.

�They were so excited to potentially welcome me on the team, I asked almost every single guy on the team if they would accept me as a trans guy,� Bailar said. �Almost without fail they said something along the lines of, �Are you going to keep up in practice? ... Are you going to get good grades? As long as you�re going to try hard? I don�t see why not.� They were so ready to step into that space with me, so I thought, 'Maybe I can do this.'�

Bailar said if a young person finds themselves questioning their identity, adults in their life should simply step back and listen to them. He said for people who dismiss young children hinting they may be questioning their biologically assigned gender as �a phase,� then there is no harm in buying clothes typically worn by children of the opposite gender, for example, and riding out the phase, if that happens to be the case.

�Going through a transition doesn�t mean someone is changing genders, they are changing their appearance,� Bailar said. �If you give children the space to be honest, they will tell you what they want if you just listen.�

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