Are you an Aries, a Libra, or a Pepsi?

In the newest progression towards full-scale late capitalist dystopia, Pepsi is planning to turn the night sky into its very own billboard. The soda company is partnering with Russian company Startrocket that will launch a gaggle of mini-satellites into space that will project advertisements on a temporary basis, resembling some kind of hideous new constellation. Pepsi Russia is planning for the first advertisement to focus on energy drink Adrenaline Rush, and is apparently trying to mask the gimmick as some kind of PSA by proclaiming that the ad campaign will speak out against stereotypes and prejudices directed at a truly marginalized class: gamers.

Despite the general consensus that Pepsi creating its very own star sign is a terrible idea, a Startrocket representative attempted to justify the project as some form of positive progress: “We are ruled by brands and events... the economy is the blood system of society. Entertainment and advertising are at its heart,” Vlad Sitnikov told Futurism magazine. It’s unclear if the new constellation will be visible in cities like New York or London where light pollution means stars are not visible, so residents of those metropolises may have to plan a camping trip to sleep out under the Big Pepsi Logo, when it goes live in 2021.

And in other news...

A Jackson, Mississippi neighborhood is being plagued by bowls of mashed potatoes (skin on, with butter) being deposited around their houses and yards. [Jezebel]

Courtesy of a court case and $15,000 settlement, a Charleston preschool has learned that you really shouldn’t feed Taco Bell hot sauce to very young children. [WBTV]

At the Masters Tournament in Augusta, Georgia, golf dudes are really into the plastic cups that cheap beer is served in. [NYT]

Scotland is considering enshrining food as a fundamental human right, which seems rather obvious (but also a good thing). [BBC]

Democratic insiders are hinting that they’ll push some kind of Starbucks boycott in the event that former CEO Howard Schultz decides to run for president. If he does, his official announcement is likely a few weeks away. [Fox Business]

This week’s most unnecessary item of fast-food swag is this “flame-grilled” glass from Burger King France that partially melts when held over fire. It sounds suspiciously like plastic. [AdWeek]

Here’s an inside look at how the pastel de nata (Portuguese egg tart) has been subtly marketed, with an eye to making the pastry internationally ubiquitous. [Bloomberg]

Genius Foods author and “eat what’s good for your brain” guy Max Lugavere told the Times how he spends his Sundays. It involves electrolytes. [NYT]

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