Entitled brats bring on their own misery

Philip Chard | Special to the Journal Sentinel

There are any number of attitudes that are off putting.

Primary among these is entitlement. Those smitten with this mental malignancy may push your hot buttons, but they pay a price for this disorder. And it is a disorder. Excessive entitlement is a feature of narcissism.

Now, most of us have episodes when we feel we deserve better, that others or fate owe us some consideration. However, if you have a bona fide case of entitlement, this is a persistent attitude, a way of looking at one’s self (as master) in relation to the world (as servant).

Another characteristic of these types is a sense of superiority, which leaves them quick to criticize yet easily offended. This is the foundation of feeling entitled. After all, if you regard yourself as superior to others, it’s a small leap to “I deserve better.”

Much of what I’ve written so far is mostly psychobabble for “spoiled brat.” So, things might be fine when the entitled person is getting what he or she wants. However, when that individual’s expectations go unmet, they become very unpleasant and disagreeable.

If you’ve ever observed someone of this ilk in the throes of some hissy fit, I’m betting you felt an aversion to the experience. It’s not pleasant or appealing. But lest we summon too much ire for such people, there’s something important to keep in mind.

Most of them end up miserable.

Research shows that entitled humans are highly vulnerable to disappointment, anger and conflict, poor relationships and depression. This is consistent with studies indicating the most common cause of unhappiness is harboring high expectations, which is the MO of entitled people.

Don’t we need to expect things of ourselves and others? Of course, but I’m talking outlandish or unreachable expectations here. David was a case in point.

Six months into his first job out of college found him scowling over a promotion he didn’t get but felt he deserved. What’s more, he groused about being under-appreciated by his live-in girlfriend who, in his words, “doesn’t know how good she has it.”

“David, I’m going to level with you. She doesn’t have it that good. Aside from being articulate, you sound like my 7-year old son when the world or his parents didn’t give him what he wanted,” I told him.

He took offense at my candor, of course, and I don’t blame him. The only reason he graced my door was because, after several fits of whiny anger, his girlfriend delivered an ultimatum; get help or get out.

He was seeing me to humor her, he claimed. After all, if you truly think you’re better than everyone else (including your shrink), why would you want to change? To help these folks, some therapists use meditation with a compassion focus, while others recommend wilderness therapy (nature doesn’t care if you’re special).

Unfortunately, entitled folks who venture into therapy are mostly looking to assign blame elsewhere. So, when David followed suit, I made my philosophy clear.

“When I seek the source of and solution to my problems, I look in the mirror. Consider doing the same.”

Philip Chard is a psychotherapist, author and trainer. Email Chard at outofmymind@philipchard.com or visit philipchard.com.