I’ve come across a lot of crazy property people in my time, but none quite as extreme as my most current find. My latest find makes Michael Jackson look like an early morning erection- standard. And remember, I make regular trips to the House Price Crash website, so I’m exposed to a lot of crazy extremist mofos! And let’s not forget about my pal Rob who has an abnormal obsession with Sarah Beeny’s tits. He was once considered a health hazord…but since then I’ve experienced crazy on a whole different level. Rob has been demoted from “absolute fruitcake” to just “fruitcake”

Before continuing, I feel obligated to warn my peers of the possible dangers that lurk when indulging in my find. Anyone who suffers from epilepsy should approach “the find” with extreme caution because it WILL kill you. The link I’m about to provide will run best on a Linux operating system. Anyone using Internet Explorer on Windows should be open to the possibility of their browser crashing and dying.

So, what is the find that deserved an entire blog post? It’s “Bruno Powroznik’s anti house-price crash” webpage (site has been removed). Who? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Apparently he’s an Independent Economist, Property Expert and a banned HPC member. HPC member? Makes sense, he IS a weird extremist. Banned HPC member? That also makes sense; it’s not unheard of to get banned from there for being optimistic about the property market. If banning members for that reason was my moto, I would have made an exception and kept him for entertainment value. But that’s just me. I like watching morbid creatures acting all morbid and stuff. As a child I used to trap insects and monitor their activity. Evidently some facinations never die…

For those that couldn’t get their buggy Internet Explorer browser to load the page (I’m assuming that’s 99% of you), you’re missing out on a 1990’s website filled to the brim with flashy animated gifs that endorse the financial sustainability of the property market. The site is even complete with the 1990’s feature of having background music. How jazzy-fresh is that? Here are a few of the visual highlights…

DING DONG, the psycho has e-ejaculated.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a firm believer in a strong property market. I have no qualms with rolling my sleeves up and defending the idea of a sustainable property market. In fact, I agree with a lot of the concepts splattered over that god awful site. The thing is, I believe in slaughtering a cow humanly so it can be destined to be a succulent meal. I don’t believe in torturing a cow to death with a blunt spoon with the destiny of having the same faith. Whilst Bruno is getting his message across by designing websites with a blunt hammer, I like to think that I’m carving the turkey elegantly with a sharp blade. At least that’s how he makes me feel.

Unfortunately (and I mean that with all my heart- UNFORTUNATELY), whilst writing this article, my curiosity got the better of me. More to the point, Bruno is kind of like a car crash- absolutely hideous, but extremely intriguing. With that in mind, I just needed to find out more about the guy. This is what I found…

Yes, that is Bruno; I kid you not. I’m scared. Are you? I’m not quite sure what the blonde wig is about (am I missing something?), but it definitely doesn’t do anything for little Jimmy. In fact, Jimmy just shriveled up and died. After watching the video I’m starting to think Bruno is a fraud. Why?

1) He looks like a “Bernard” (minus the wig) as opposed to a “Bruno”. Bruno must be his stage name. Agreed?

2) The self pro-claimed “Property Expert” appears to be living in a 1970’s caravan. What kind of “expert” is he? One that is broke?

3) he’s obviously reading a script he wrote earlier- watch his eyes follow the script. An expert doesn’t do scripts.

Or perhaps I’m just hoping he’s a fraud; that would make a lot more sense. I’m not quite sure what he’s all about. I mean, his message is clear- THERE WILL BE NO CRASH, so why am I left feeling sick and confused? Oh wait, maybe it has something to do with the fact I’m being subjected to Barbie lecturing me about property…

One thing is for sure, the Lord works in mysterious ways. I’m not saying he’s the Lord, I’m just saying Bruno is fucking nuts. And I think he missed one vital animated gif out from his site…