





Are your own feelings easily bruised and do you worry endlessly about hurting other people’s? Do you well up when watching charity adverts for illness or animal cruelty, dislike scary films or feel bothered by loud or irritating noises (think music coming from somebody’s earphones) in a way that those around you don’t? Then you could be a Highly Sensitive Person, or HSP, a condition that’s common but until now rarely understood.

However, this is all set to change. Awareness of HSPs has been gathering pace in the US for a while and a new documentary called Sensitive The Movie recently premiered in San Francisco. It explores the issue of HSP and features Dr Elaine Aron, a scientist and author of The Highly Sensitive Person (it’s sold over a million copies). It also includes new research that shows how the region of the brain that deals with empathy and sensory information is different in people who score highly on the sensitivity scale.

“Rather than just being a personality type, like being shy or outgoing, being a HSP is defined as having a hypersensitive nervous system”

The singer Alanis Morissette, a self-confessed HSP, is among those who appear in the documentary. “My temperament is highly sensitive. I’m very attuned to very subtle things, whether it’s food or minerals or lighting or sounds or smells,” she says. “Overstimulation happens pretty easily.”

Rather than just being a personality type, like being shy or outgoing, being a HSP is defined as having a hypersensitive nervous system. As well as being easily overwhelmed by emotional things (they tend to have incredible empathy and get upset very easily), HSPs also have a Princess and The Pea-like sensitivity to physical things like lights, sounds, temperatures and even scratchy labels or certain fabrics.

“Being HS is genetic,” says Dr Elaine Aron, who is a leading researcher in the field. “Twenty percent of us are born with it and it affects both sexes equally. I explain the condition in four letters: DOES. D is for depth of processing, which is the key to the whole condition. They process everything around them very deeply. O is for overstimulation, which is brought about because of D. E is for emotional reactivity and empathy. Research shows HSPs respond more to the emotions of others and to situations in general. And S is for sensitive stimuli – they’re incredibly sensitive to smells, sounds and light. However, not all HSPs are alike. For example, we know that around 30% are extroverts rather than introverts, which is what most people expect them to be.”

Dr Ted Zeff, a psychologist and author of The Highly Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide, agrees. “Every sensitive person is different,” he says. “It’s also important to remember that some people have some of the traits, like empathy, but they’re not HSPs.”

So what are the traits? Dr Zeff says people who are HS “don’t have a natural shield – they find it hard to tune stuff out. For example, somebody standing close behind them and peering over their shoulder will really unsettle a HSP.” Dr Aron says HS men have a much harder time generally because society is less forgiving of them.

As for a cure, however, Dr Zeff says there’s no need. “If you are a HSP you shouldn’t want to ‘cure’ yourself. It’s who you are. In certain societies being highly sensitive is seen as a positive thing. Research found that highly sensitive men in Thailand and India were rarely, if ever, teased, whereas highly sensitive men in North America were frequently so.”

“Because HSPs become easily overwhelmed, they need daily downtime.”

HSPs, he believes, do best in nurturing environments and are more likely to be artists, musicians, teachers, counsellors and health practitioners. They’re also likely to be popular because they’re so in tune with the needs of others.

So if heightened sensitivity doesn’t need to be cured, how can those who have it manage, rather than be overwhelmed, by it? “Most tend to develop coping mechanisms as they grow older and mature,” says Dr Zeff. “So while a 21-year-old HSP might feel peer pressured into going to a noisy club with friends, a 41-year-old will know what situations they can cope with and avoid those they can’t.”

Because HSPs become easily overwhelmed, Dr Zeff says they need daily downtime. “They shouldn’t be ashamed of who they are, nor compare themselves to others,” he adds. “However, if you’re in a relationship or part of a family or workplace there needs to be some compromise. For example, just because you don’t like noise it doesn’t mean everybody around you has to be quiet. Don’t be what I call an ‘insensitive highly sensitive person’! Just go into another room or go for a walk.”

Credit: Emanuele Capoferri/Emanuele Capoferri

As for highly sensitive children, Dr Aron says when they’re raised with an awareness of their overactive nervous systems they’ll thrive and get ahead socially because they have such great empathy and kindness. However, if they’re constantly told off for crying or told to “pull themselves together” they may think something is wrong with them and become depressed, anxious and overly sensitive to criticism as they get older.

“The reason I wrote The Highly Sensitive Child is because so many adults wrote to me saying they wished their parents had understood their sensitivity rather than trying to stamp it out,” she says. “The good news is highly sensitive adults tend to respond well to therapy because they’re so in touch with their emotions. But if they’re raised in the right way in the first place, this group of people have so much to offer the world.”

‘Sometimes I just need to sit in a quiet room’

Kate Townshend, 34, explains how it feels to be a HSP

“Those warnings at the start of the news about how some viewers may find the following scenes upsetting? Well I’m that viewer…

“It’s not just the news though. I’ve been known to cry at everything from Cancer Research adverts (reasonable) to the Great British Bake Off. But there’s a serious side to all of this. Because people like me who find sad images hard to shake (particularly right now, when images of dead children and beheaded hostages haunt our headlines) have been given a name by experts: Highly Sensitive People (HSP).

“As well as the extreme empathy, we HSPs tend to startle easily and find noisy, busy or brightly lit environments distressing (I can’t get around supermarkets quickly enough). The upside though is a vivid imagination and a depth of understanding that comes from paying too much attention.

“My husband and I even have a code where I’ll whisper to him, ‘I’m feeling a bit HSP-ish’ if a situation becomes overwhelming. And with the greater awareness of the condition and research that backs up the experts’ views, there’s a significant amount of relief in simply knowing I’m not alone in my quirks, and that if I need to sometimes sit in a quiet, softly lit room for a bit then that’s OK.”

The habits of Highly Sensitive People: could you be one?

*They feel more deeply and cry more than most.

*They’ve often been told to stop being so sensitive or to toughen up.

*They enjoy solo sports: Dr Zeff says that research shows HSP prefer solo sports like cycling or running, although they can enjoy group sports too.

*They agonise over decisions: as well as having great attention to detail, being more aware of consequences they also worry about upsetting others. “But they tend to make very good decisions in the end,” says Dr Aron.

*They notice small details: “An HSP will notice somebody’s new haircut or the design of a hotel carpet when others won’t,” says Dr Aron.

*They’re people pleasers: because they’re so sensitive to criticism they tend to overcompensate.

*They feel other people’s pain: “HSPs tend to have incredible empathy and will worry about others a lot and be in tune with how they’re feeling,” says Dr Aron.

If you think your child is highly sensitive, take the test on Dr Aron’s website