New York -A recent survey undertaken by the Palzy Research Center has found that an overwhelming majority of Americans lacked even the most minute understanding of how either our current economic system, or any other, functions. Anonymous participants were given a sheet with one question on it, one which asked them to correctly label and describe in one to two sentences what our current, any, economic system is or was.

The majority of answers were of such an obvious lack of any kind of knowledge and of such sheer fuckery that the Center had first to make sure they were looking at the right results, and not any of the children-based surveys.

The poll’s data was indicative of a broad-based phenomenon, one that didn’t seem to register more or less strongly with certain income bases, minorities, or genders, although the most mind-blowingly stupid responses seemed to emanate most prominently from Upper Middle Class White men.

One such dingus-response was The market is free and just, an utterly naive and ridiculous assumption. Worse yet was The Opposite of Russia.

The most common answer seemed to be Ayn Rand-related, with many people simply invoking her name, while others tried to recount, often in vain, the titles of her books —The Fountain Shrugged, for instance, appeared over eighty times out of an overall survey of three hundred people. Americanism, Fee trade, Market-tocracy, and Anarcho-Capitalism were just a few examples of the plethora of made up answers submitted to the poll by this random assortment of crackerjacks.

And those who chose to label a past economic arrangement tended to fare even worse when it came to trying to hide their colossal ignorance, one dingbat writing: The market has always been here, from the time of cavemen, to Rome, to now. And it isn’t going anywhere, ever! Such priggish remarks as human nature, the selfish gene, and everybody has wants, right? were common, with Fuck taxes being commoner still.

For those imbeciles devoid of all dignity and completely unable to answer this simple question in words, stupid pictures were drawn that usually amounted to smiling stick figures surrounded by red sports cars and lots of money.

Ideology apparently wasn’t a contributing factor either, with many of those polled writing in the word banks regardless of their admitted position on the Left/Right spectrum, although those on the Right more often tended to use the irregular and misspelled bancs instead.

At press time the most strikingly moronic response was from one jackass who responded: This is a fair system that always rewards those who work hard.