I’m still on the fence about “Sexual Privilege” being a pressing issue, but I do think this sort of work is necessary to figuring out whether it is or isn’t, and even if it isn’t, we’re at least making clear part of what it means to be asexual day-to-day, so I’m helping. So as far as I can tell, these are all the bullet points that have been submitted thus far. I left in all the duplicates and didn’t organize them, but I’m working on that next. I’ve thrown everything that I can think of that might overlap with heterosexual privilege into italics and I’ve stricken through some personal anecdotes and anything else that maybe doesn’t belong (including some obvious duplicates). I haven’t reworded anything, but I figure we have time to sort that out. I’ve introduced my own editorial comments in [brackets and italics]. Hope this helps.



I can watch television or movies and be sure that sexual people are widely represented. [Even though it would then overlap with heterosexual privilege (though a difference in degree), this should probably be worded as “I can easily find television shows or movies where people with my sexual orientation are represented” or something similar.]

My sexuality is not assumed to be the result of a mental or physical handicap.

I can go shopping without facing overtly sexual advertisements that challenge my identity.

I am not asked to speak for all sexual people.

I can visit a doctor and not be asked judgmental questions about whether I am lying about my sexual activities. (Based on my personal experience, where all of my doctors have thought I was lying about not having sex because “all girls your age have sex”. Not sure if other aces have experienced this.)

I am not viewed as prudish or frigid for my sexual behavior.

My sexual behavior is not immediately associated with religious choices. [perhaps, “My sexual orientation is not assumed to be the result of having made religious choices” because asexual people demonstrate a wide range of sexual behavior]

My sexual identity does not lead people to believe that I am an amoeba or capable of asexual reproduction.

There has been a large body of credible research done regarding my sexual identity. [sexual orientation?]

If I choose to date, it is fairly easy to find people of my sexual orientation. [difference in degree on this one]

I am generally not asked to educate others on my sexuality or answer personal and uncomfortable questions regarding my sexual behavior. [although people tend to be more aware of other orientations now, ‘coming out’ usually entails some amount of educating and other LGBTQ individuals often have to answer invasive questions like “how do <people with your orientation> have sex? Doesn’t that require a penis and vagina?”..etc.]

If I have sex with a person, my sexual identity is not question[ed]. (Needs some reworking since a self-identified heterosexual who has sex with the same gender is questioned, and vice versa.) [Maybe something like “If I have sex, this is not seen as invalidating my sexual orientation.”]

[Maybe something like “If I have sex, this is not seen as invalidating my sexual orientation.”] I am more easily accepted into communities based on sexual orientation, whether it is the LGBTQ or heterosexual community. [I’m just not sure about this one, it’s not terribly compelling and I don’t know of many communities where it would be easier to join as a heterosexual than an asexual person, and being able to join LGBTQ communities isn’t really “privilege” or else heterosexual people could throw it on a “gay privilege” list]

I am able to go to a mental health professional without having my sexual behavior questioned as an illness.

My sexual orientation is not considered a disease in the DSM.

I am more likely to find a partner whose sexuality is similar to mine. [Duplicate, the other one might be worded better]

[Duplicate, the other one might be worded better] After a certain age, I am assumed to have had sex, and this assumption does not challenge my identity. [Feels somewhat duplicate-ish]

If you are polyamorous, you are not told that you cannot get the “full poly experience” due to your sexual attraction.

If you are not interested in a romantic relationship, you are not accused of being devoid of feeling or like a robot

People do not associate your sexual orientation with amoebas or (bizarrely) plants

Any desire you have for children is not seen as invalidating your sexual orientation (even if you want to adopt)

You are not told that your sexual orientation will change once you “meet the right person”.

If you are kinky, this is not seen as invalidating your sexual orientation

If you have a non-binary gender (especially a neutral one) or do not have a gender, your sexual orientation is not seen as a side effect of that. [There is definitely some overlap here with some other orientation/gender combinations]

Your sexuality is not used as a slur to degender people.

Your sexuality is not seen as a “symptom” of an oppressive upbringing

If you have a disability, your sexuality is not seen as being caused by that disability

Your relationships are not invalidated because of your sexual attraction

Any desire you feel for relationships is not seen as invalidating your sexual orientation

You do not have to explain your sexuality to romantic partners

If you date someone of a different sexual orientation, you are not accused of being abusive [I saw a rewording suggested for this one somewhere else, I liked that better.]

If you are trans, your sexual orientation is not seen as a “symptom” of your being trans that will go away once you medically transition (which all trans people need to do, don’t ya know?)

If I am distressed about my sexual orientation, it is usually possible for me to find a therapist who is experienced in this area and won’t treat my sexuality as a problem to be fixed. [Duplicate, I think]

In academic settings that deal with sexuality, I can be reasonably sure my orientation will be mentioned.

If I’m having relationship troubles, I can often find a couples counselor who is familiar with my orientation and won’t treat it as a pathology, or me as the automatically guilty party. [Similar to the other one, but different in an important way]

If I’m heterosexual and read a novel or short story with sex or romance in it, there is a good chance my orientation will be represented. If I’m gay, lesbian, or bisexual, there is at least an entire niche publishing industry for me. [Maybe, to simplify: “I can, with relative ease, find novels or short stories including sex or romance where people with my sexual orientation are represented.” ]

I am not regarded as immature on the basis of my orientation alone.

In casual discussions of sexual orientation, my sexuality will often be mentioned.

Whatever else they’re seen or not seen as, my romantic relationships are regarded as just that: romantic relationships, not “merely” friendships.

I’m not frequently witness to comments implying or explicitly stating that the kind of relationships I prefer are not romantic relationships at all. (Rewording needed, considering aromantic asexuals.) [Perhaps, “I am not subjected to frequent commentary suggesting that the kind of relationships I prefer are not valid, intimate, or valuable because they are not sexual and/or romantic”, but this still needs work]

Relationship advice assumes all relationships are or will be sexual, and thus does not exclude me on this basis.

I’m not regularly pitied for my orientation itself, or told I’m missing out.

Even before I figured out what my sexuality was, I was very probably aware of its existence.

If I’m questioning my sexual orientation, it is not enormously difficult to find reading material and other resources. [Duplicate?]

If I ask someone for advice, there’s a good chance they’ll at least mention my sexual orientation as a possibility. [Duplicate?]

If I’m heterosexual, my sexual orientation is accepted pretty much everywhere. If I’m gay, lesbian, or bisexual, I can move or visit places, whether cities or community centers, where I know I will often be accepted. (Possible rewording needed, considering biphobia.) [Admit overlap with Monosexual privilege, no rewording necessary?]

[Admit overlap with Monosexual privilege, no rewording necessary?] Somewhere labelled a “safe space” will usually be safe for me. (Again, maybe rewording’s needed, given biphobia.) [Admit overlap with Monosexual privilege, no rewording necessary?]

[Admit overlap with Monosexual privilege, no rewording necessary?] My sexual orientation is not treated as something to be considered only after medical and psychological problems have been ruled out.

When I tell someone my orientation, I’m not advised to get my hormones checked.

I’m not accused of slut-shaming based on my orientation alone.

If I want romantic relationships, I’m not expected to have sex with people I’m not sexually interested in.

Calling my orientation a disorder or unnatural is increasingly seen as inappropriate in polite company. (This, again, may need some rewording, but I think we need *something* in here to reflect the fact that a good number of people will casually say things about asexuality that they wouldn’t dare even breathe about homosexuality.) [I think this is a fair point and fine as is, it’s a vocal minority that would still dare to say things like this about homosexuality, and while it’s still terrible and important to stop, the difference in degree is pretty staggering.]

Medical recommendations, on the assumption that everyone’s had sex by a certain age, do not contain fibs that result in me getting unneeded tests. (This needs rewording! While I know not every asexual is a virgin, by far, there are certainly more older virgins in the asexual spectrum than elsewhere. You know how a number of countries have recommendations that everyone with a cervix get a pap smear by age X? Turns out that’s only because they assume you’ve had some sexual contact by then, consenting or otherwise, and aren’t willing or able to tell your doctor about it. And I had to dig around in an academic medical article to find this.) [I’m a bit skeptical that this really constitutes “privilege” it’s pretty narrow in terms of what it covers and which asexuals it applies to and certainly less compelling than a lot of the other things on the list, and I’m not sure how to reword it, so I’m just gonna let this sit how it is.]

I do not have to face assumptions that my sexuality is caused from a lack of self-esteem.

Upon coming out, I generally do not have to face questions about if and how I masturbate.

If I do masturbate, this is not grounds for somebody to doubt my orientation.

It is generally possible to find a support network for my particular sexual orientation. [differences in degree again]

My identification with a particular sexual orientation is not seen as a “slut-shaming” tactic, nor am I assumed to be anti-sexual.

People do not immediately assume I will be sad and alone for my entire life because of my orientation.

If you are sexual, you know there are others like you out there without much effort. [Maybe “I know that other people with my orientation exist.” or “Without much effort, I have heard of people with my orientation before”, which would make it a duplicate of another bullet.]

If you enter into a romantic relationship, fall in love, how often you give in and have sex when you might not actually want to isn’t a big topic.

When telling people your orientation you aren’t usually asked about if you masturbate and how often.

People have usually heard about your sexuality.

When you see forms asking for sexuality for diversity reasons you see something that represents you or is close to you in the options.

On finding out your sexuality, people don’t dismiss your opinions on sex related subjects out of hand.

When telling someone your sexual orientation, you will not be asked if you have had sex in order to prove your orientation

If you have or have had sex, you will not be told that it invalidates your sexual orientation

If you watch porn or masturbate, you will not be told that it invalidates your sexual orientation.

Your sexual orientation will not be seen as a choice that can chosen once a relationship has failed [Widespread cultural joke that says “Ugh, I’m done with men, I should just become a Lesbian” says that even if people 'know better’ they still under there somewhere believe this to be true]

If you are in a relationship, people will assume that you and your partner participate in sex and this will not invalidate your sexual orientation

You will not be asked if you are incapable of having sex just because of your sexual orientation

Most people will at least believe that my sexual orientation exists.

For women: Upon finding out about my sexual orientation, no one tells me “that just sounds like most women I know” in reference to the stereotype that women dislike sex and only grudgingly have sex with male partners.

People don’t think my sexual orientation is a result of having “given up” on finding sexual / romantic partners.

“People don’t force my sexual orientation upon people with disabilities.”

“Knowing my sexual orientation does not lead people to assume I have a disability.”

So, that’s that so far. I plan on doing more sorting/consolidating/etc work, but I figure this is enough to hand off to everyone for now.

[Mod Note: Jumped this to the head of the queue to get the discussion on this sort of thing going. There is some duplication but that’s fine.]