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Former prime minister Tony Abbott has today issued a warning to the government, saying the Australians he has been talking to, who mostly live in the entitlement belt of North Shore Sydney, are “sick of politicians” and encouraged people who hate politicians to take it out on the bloke who took his job, who is no longer in politics.

Abbott, who has worked in Canberra since he was in his 20s, and was ousted from the top job nearly two years ago after he thought it would be a good idea to knight Queen Elizabeth’s husband instead of the late Richie Benaud, says Australians feel detached.

He has has warned that he picked up an expectation that Opposition Leader Bill Shorten could soon be installed as prime minister, and says his sworn enemy Malcolm Turnbull should be not underestimate the power of jaded backbenchers like him, who will literally oust leaders every six months if it means they can stay on $200k a year without having do much other than yell ‘shame’ during question time.

Mr Abbott, who is the real deal and well-known for how appropriate his language is around women and his ability to relate to people who aren’t born into an affluent Northern Sydney surf club community, says to retain power and please the public his party who hate him must reform the Senate; stop putting renewable energy before the pussy arse environment; dump the Human Rights Commission and stop using big words.

“Australians are sick of people who spend their life in Canberra, between hosting dinner parties for high-ranking clergymen in their massive leafy North Shore brickhouses” he said.

“Australians are feeling detached”

“ANZAC, Aussie, Boats, Political Correctness, Aussie Spirit, Marriage, Tradition, Kokoda, Sport”

“Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi”

“… Also, I like blackfellas now”