Lotions and potions for those who have neither the genes nor the inclination to be shorts-ready whenever the sun shows its face

Bare-legs weather arrives so abruptly in Britain that one day I can be wondering if 100 denier will be enough to calm the shivers, and the very next have people I barely know telling me I must be boiling in tights (please stop).

All well and good for them, with their naturally golden limbs, year-round tanning regime or “screw it” attitude, but I have neither the genes nor the inclination to be shorts-ready whenever the sun deigns to show its face. My legs are white, dry and not fastidiously shaved (unless I know they’re to appear before anyone but my family), so I seek products to give them an instant, relatively thoughtless makeover.

The best I’ve found in 30 years is Vita Liberata Body Blur (£29.50, 100ml), a gift to anyone who’d like to add instant, realistic, streak-free colour while disguising moderate scars, veins and birthmarks. Its silicone base means it doesn’t rub off on clothing and sheets, or cause my legs to look like melted candles when heavy rain hits. The peerless texture means that one blob on a tanning mitt (buy cheap: they’re all the same) strokes effortlessly on to limbs in seconds. It helps if you’re not freshly basted in thick body cream, which I usually am, but I get around the problem by using Nivea In-Shower Lotion (£2.99, 250ml), which rinses off, leaving a light, fake-tan-friendly coating of moisturiser.

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If Body Blur is too rich for you (and I hear you, though would add that one tube should last the summer), try to score some scarcely stocked Garnier BB Body Wash-Off Bronzer (£7.99, 150ml), which works in the same way and almost as well (the colour and indelibility aren’t quite as good, but I’m pernickety). If wash‑offs don’t appeal, I enthusiastically recommend Self Tanning Drops (£19.95, 30ml) from celebrity tanner (yes, it’s a thing) Jules Von Hep’s excellent new vegan brand, Isle of Paradise. These eliminate everything women hate about self-tanning – the smell, the faff, the orange – by working with the skincare products you use every day. Just mix one to 12 drops into your favourite face or body cream and apply as usual before washing hands. The fewer drops you use, the lighter the tan, so start low and increase. Four drops were just right to tint my milky legs for a solid three days.

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