Slanderous Campaigns: Sue came out swinging on the smear campaign towards Burt. Questioning his politics, blood pressure, and his (alleged) baboon transplants. I know that’s cruel and all but Brittany can’t just tease me with root beer drinking fountains, robot teachers, illegal tornadoes, and “Topless Tuesdays” then expect me not to get upset. I know Brittany is pretty much out of the running at this point but a man can dream…

Some Dodgeball to Rule Them All: Santana and Finn agree to pit their respective glee clubs against each other in a “friendly” game of dodgeball. I know Santana is from Lima Heights Adjacent and all but I didn’t expect her to lead a barrage that bloodied Rory.

The Diva & The Bitch: I knew it was going to come to Mercedes v Santana at some point. Mercedes has always felt she was second place to Rachel and that left Santana even lower. So now that Mercedes has “created” the Troubletones she needs someone to play her second fiddle. Who else but Santana? I always thought that Santana was a great singer when given the opportunity and I still think she is more versatile than Mercedes. I don’t think Santana is going to play nice – or at least as nice as she can be being Santana – for too long.

Puck’s Plan for Parenthood: I know that Glee is good with “art imitating life” and all but I can’t wait to read how outraged people are about Puck and Shelby’s “relationship”. Maybe he just wants Beth back and he thinks going through Shelby (imagery?) is the best route or maybe he is just Puck. Also, can we do something about that lopsided, semi-curly NOhawk he’s been sporting all season?!

Rachel the Not-So-Narcissist: Given that Rachel is…well Rachel, I wasn’t expecting her to pull out of the presidential race in order to help Kurt. It was sweet of Rachel to show that her friendship and future with Kurt is more important than another club on her transcript.

Santana Silenced: After taking a series of verbal jabs from McKinley’s best/worst trash-talker, Santana, Finn questions why she hasn’t “come out of the closet” yet…in a crowded school hallway. Just about the last thing Santana wanted (everyone) to hear. And with technology the way it is you know the news found its way to the public – including outside of McKinley. Can’t wait to see how the show handles, and the real life public interprets, Santana’s struggle.

MUSIC

Hot for Teacher – Puck and the Boys (B)

Van Halen, in their peak years, probably would have been disgusted at this mmmboppy rendition of their song. For me, it was a really fun, high-energy start for the episode. Complete with genital thrusts courtesy of Mike and Blaine. Memorable? Probably not. But enjoyable nonetheless.

You and I/ You and I – Mr. Schue and Shelby (A)

Rachel found this mash-up “weirdly amazing”…but I’m not really sure what made it weird (amazing, I COMPLETELY get). Both are essentially love songs, which makes them perfect in title and lyrical content. Schuester and Shelby sounded great. Puck looked a bit uncomfortable, jealousy perhaps? Also, Sugar Mada’s winks and the random cheerleader in the back were distracting.

Hit Me With Your Best Shot/One Way or Another –Troubletones and the New Directions (C)

If this had to be the soundtrack to a cheesy dodgeball fight, I’d have preferred something frantic and fast paced. The best thing about this performance was Santana as Deborah Harry. They clearly weren’t following regulation rules…Blaine was out in the first minute and there has to be some sort of penalty against cartwheels.

I Can’t Go for That/You Make My Dreams Come True – The New Directions (B)

There will never come a time in my life that I won’t think of (500) Days of Summer when I hear that Hall & Oates classic. Moving on, the group receives points for their costumes, followed by minimal points for their dancing. Unlike Finn, I would have liked Blaine to take the lead on this one…it had his signature shimmy-shake written all over it. I felt energy was missing from this performance, but I think that was Brittany.

Rumor Has It/Someone Like You – The Troubletones (A)

Once upon a time in season one, Glee made me cry every single episode. Full-on sobbing each and every week. I was hoping that emotional embarrassment was behind me, but Santana brought it all back. Not only did this performance have the spunk and attitude missing from their opponent’s mash-up, but their choreography was superior. Santana has never sounded better, it’s like the more vulnerable her character becomes, the better her singing gets.

Quotes

“…I’m fighting for something. I have a cause. Several actually. I hate the arts…and a bunch of other stuff.” – Sue

“I will make tornadoes illegal at McKinley, keeping you and your families at our school safe from their murderous rampages. Also, on Tuesdays, I pledge to go topless.” -Brittany