We're thinking this MySpace thing could be big some day, if they can ever get their act together. Fortunately for Tom and the trillion-dollar corporation backing him, we're here to offer our advice.

5 Anti-friends

The problem:

In your everyday life, you generally have three types of people that you interact with (who will presumably want to talk to you about last night's American Idol):

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Friends;

People you don't feel one way or another about you;

Enemies

So, why does MySpace set your profile to only account for the first two groups? MySpace claims to be a social networking site, but what is society without a well-defined list of those who stand against all you believe in, who are living off borrowed time until the day they are crushed by your vengeance?

The solution:

If Myspace wants our business, we insist that they have no choice but to implement a feature where a person's profile can also display a distinct list of enemies, whether sworn or not. You could even sort your enemies out in order of how many times they have wronged you.

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Too many people are forced to endure awkward and silent relationships after discovering they were removed from someone's friend list and because the reasoning behind it was never made clear. These two former friends will generally not talk after that, and seeing each other at social gatherings will be more uncomfortable than a backwards male thong.

A MySpace enemies list, however, will make everything abundantly clear when it comes to how you feel about each other. As shown in the above picture, no longer will there be confusion about your pure contempt for the ex-girlfriend (Jessica) and the man she fucked in the bathroom at your fifth anniversary dinner (Mike). From this unmistakable statement via MySpace, you and your anti-friend can either clear the air and work toward a friendly solution, or you can both battle in an 18th century duel (bring gloves for slapping and your best Kentucky accent).

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We're thinking this is just the kind of subtle helping hand confused or lonely MySpace users need to take them to the next level in their online fantasies, the first of which, of course, being the idea of them having friends that number in the hundreds.