Hi Tumblr folks,

So recently, as I’ve begun re-educating and decolonizing my own thinking, I’ve also found myself getting into a lot of conversations (okay, usually more like arguments) with friends and colleagues about many social justice issues; the topics that come up most often are cultural appropriation, racism vs. prejudice, and white privilege. I always remain aware that as a white cishet person, I need to support the voices of others, not drown them out with my own, so I always try to provide links to other people’s blog posts, articles, etc. – if the conversation is happening via email or facebook, I put the links in as I go, and if it’s in person I send them afterward.

However, I have literally never left a conversation having convinced anybody of anything. Often, people tell me it feels like I’m “lecturing” them, and they ask what authority I have to do that. When I say I don’t actually have any authority, that what they really need to do is do their own research, and then I offer them a couple links, they tend to respond that “they already know all about _____,” and so I must be the one who doesn’t understand. One person at work, when I told her that white people cannot experience racism, effectively ended the argument by informing me that “enlightening African Americans” will tell you that they are often racist against whites. A close friend just this morning cut me off my explaining that “there is no inherent truth, these are all just opinions, so what does it matter?” My best friend no longer speaks to me because 1) I told her that Clarence Thomas definitely does not speak for all African Americans when he says that people these days are “oversensitive” about racism, and 2) I told her that wearing headdresses was appropriative.

I leave each conversation – and often the entire relationship – feeling like I’m losing all my friends, but more importantly feeling like I’m failing as an ally.

So what I’m wondering is – does anyone have any suggestions as to how to better educate people about social justice issues like these, particularly privileged young white people, and particularly people that are your friends? Cutting them out completely would leave me feeling really lonely (tbh I already feel that way) – but way more importantly it would mean they’ll probably never learn to think any differently, and will go through their lives inherently racist, and blissfully unaware of it. How do I make myself a more effective ally?