Recap: Fantine gave birth to two twin boys named Russel and Feign. Cid decided to learn how to cook. Fantine aged up into an adult and suddenly began a midlife crisis.

Fantine seemed awfully frisky to Irwin lately. All she wanted to do was woo hoo. She would sneak into his office at work, ambush him while he was in the shower, and coerce him into bed the moment he walked through the door. Now, Irwin wasn’t complaining or anything, but the woo hoo-ing was getting to be a little excessive. After all, he had two new babies to take care of, and Fantine kept taking him away from them. Matter of fact, Fantine hadn’t even held the twins since they were newborns.

Irwin thought about bringing up Fantine’s lack of parenting, but she was never home long enough for him to start the conversation. After a woo hoo, Fantine would get dressed and leave the house.

Cid stepped up to the plate and realized the only way Russel and Feign were going to learn the essentials was if he took over the role of the mother and helped teach them. Irwin was happy his eldest was helping out, and in doing so, Cid became good friends with his younger brothers very quickly.

As for Irwin, he was a much better father this time around. He taught them both how to walk in no time flat.

Waffles wasn’t getting as much attention as he liked at this point. He figured it had something to do with the two new crying humans Irwin had brought home. He tried to get someone to focus on him by playing around with things he wasn’t supposed to be playing with, such as the toilet. The water was pretty nasty, so Waffles didn’t play in it very long. That plan didn’t work anyway. He sauntered off to catch some field mice instead.

Fantine’s newest hatred was directed at her body. She had absolutely no muscle tone. Her nightly adventures were now beginning with several hours at the gym, wearing the skimpiest outfit she could muster up so as to attract the eyes of single men prowling about.

A man by the name of Joe Macduff was at the gym one night. Fantine had recognized him from her days as a vendor for the seasonal festivals. He must have recognized her too, because he gave her an odd look. Fantine raised an eyebrow at him, assuming he was looking her up and down to decide whether or not she was attractive. She started to approach him, but he walked off towards the showers.

She would just have to talk to him some other time. Surely, he would accept an invitation of hers, after all, he was giving her ‘the look’, right?

Irwin’s psychic career was nearing its peak. His next promotion came with a raise, and soon, people were actually beginning to come up to him on the streets asking for their fortunes. This was, admittedly, new and unexpected for him, but he welcomed it with open arms and happily told others their futures.

Joe did accept Fantine’s invitation out when she finally called him. She dressed to the nines and greeted him outside, a sly look on her face.

“Hey Joe,” she cooed, “haven’t seen you in awhile.”

“Yeah, I know! How have you been, Fantine?” Joe asked, a smile on his face.

Fantine started to move closer towards him. “Good, good… you know, Joe, I’ve always found you quite attractive.”

She could see Joe’s body tense up. “You… you have?”

“Of course! Your beautiful brown hair, your big, strong arms…”

Joe held his hands up. “Fantine, what exactly did you invite me out tonight for?”

She shrugged, biting her lower lip. “Haven’t you ever wondered what it’s like with me?” Joe gulped. Fantine lightly placed her hand on his shoulder. “Don’t tell me you haven’t. I remember those looks you gave me every time you asked for a cup of coffee.”

“Fantine, what are you doing??” Joe took a step away from her, dropping his umbrella. “I have a girlfriend.”

“Oh, do you now?” Fantine crossed her arms across her chest. “What’s her name?”

“Haley.” Joe held his forehead. “And, didn’t I hear you just had a baby?”

She rolled her eyes. “Two,” she mumbled.

“Two?! Oh my god, Fantine…”

“Joe, if you just kiss me–” Fantine leaned forward, wrapping her arms around him.

Joe lightly shoved her away from him and held his hands up. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on with you and your husband–“

“Husband? What makes you think I’m married?”

“I can see your wedding ring.” Joe sighed. “I’m not one to judge, okay? I won’t tell anyone about this. But you need to get your act together. Are things really that bad at home?”

Fantine’s eyes softened. “I’m a housewife now. It’s awful. All I ever wanted to do was become the world’s greatest Visionary, and I’ve barely even started. I thought I met the man of my dreams, but he planted two little demons inside of me that are doing nothing but tying me down.”

“If there is some kind of marital problem, then divorce is an option.”

“No, it’s not Irwin!” Fantine shouted. Joe hesitated before saying another word. Fantine shook her head. “Look, just go, okay? I’m sorry I came onto you.”

Joe nodded slowly. “Whatever’s going on with you, get some help.” He picked up his umbrella and started towards his car, leaving Fantine in the rain, her eyes watering quickly.

Feeling rejected and worse than ever, Fantine went ahead and walked into the bar they had been standing outside of.

She poured herself a hard drink, trying to drown out Joe’s words.

He didn’t know what was going on. He couldn’t relate, he had a perfect life! Joe Macduff, with his perfect girlfriend, his perfect house, his perfect body… what did he know about Fantine’s woes?

Back at the house, Cid was finding ways to break through Feign’s grumpy attitude. Feign didn’t have any problem with his father and would listen to whatever he told him. When Cid tried to take over Feign’s care, however, he threw a fit and would cry until Cid left the room. Eventually, Cid found that by rubbing Feign’s head, he calmed down. It must have been soothing to him, because as soon as Cid attempted to potty train him, a head rub settled him and he used the chair immediately.

Russel didn’t require much taking care of. He was so enamored with that xylophone toy that he rarely ever cried. The only time he begged for attention was if he hadn’t been fed in awhile. In those cases, he would latch onto Cid’s legs and gnaw on his pants until a bottle was given to him.

“Uh, excuse me, ma’am, you can’t just walk behind the bar and make yourself a drink. That’s what I’m here to do.”

Fantine turned and saw the bartender beside her. She chugged the last few sips of her drink and held out her hand. “Why, hello there, hot-stuff!”

The bartender shook her hand. “Hello. That’ll be five simoleons.”

She scoffed at the price. She cleared her throat and started twirling her hair. “Is there a way we can lower my tab? Five simoleons seems like an awful lot for such a dainty little drink…” Fantine asked, batting her eyelashes.

She leaned forward to whisper in his ear. “I’ve been told my lips taste like candy!” She started laughing, but it came out as more of a choking sound. The bartender raised an eyebrow and watched her eyes glaze over.

“What, exactly, did you drink?” he asked.

Fantine leaned over onto the bar, staring out at the other customers. “Oh, I don’t know… I just grabbed whatever I saw and put it together!”

The bartender nodded once. “Okay, you need to leave.” He grabbed her by the arm and led her to the door.

“No, no wait! I haven’t kissed you yet! I haven’t kissed anybody!”

He opened the door and pushed her outside. “Lady, go home. Get some rest.”

She drunkenly wandered off until a taxi picked her up and took her home. Irwin and Cid were putting the boys to sleep. Fantine rubbed her eyes and stumbled into bed, fast asleep by the time her husband joined her.

The next day, she didn’t even bother trying to seduce Irwin. She slept in until early evening and bolted to the salon, where she intended to get herself a tattoo.

“Okay, look,” Fantine started, “I need a tattoo. I don’t care what it is. Just make it look pretty and young.”

The tattoo artist cocked her head. “A tattoo is a permanent thing, are you sure you don’t have any idea what you want to get?”

Fantine grunted. “I really don’t have time for this.” She held out her hands, gesturing as she spoke. “I’m having a huge midlife crisis. I am a fully-grown adult who is no step closer to her lifelong dream than she was when she was a teenager. I am married to a wonderful guy who is currently doing all of the parenting to our new twin boys because I can’t even look at them without realizing I’ve wasted my life away. I’ve tried everything I can think of to make myself feel better: I tried working out, woo hoo-ing every two seconds with my husband, and even flirting with strangers — and I can’t even get them to see me as an attractive young woman! Everybody keeps turning me down! Now, I am here to get the prettiest, youngest looking tattoo you can think of, because I am growing older by the minute and it is only upsetting me more!”

The artist didn’t say a word and led her to the chair in the back of the salon. She readied her needle and started tattooing Fantine’s belly. Fantine winced in pain and held back tears as she tattooed.

The end result made her pretty happy. It was a bunch of yellow flowers with a fancy design surrounding them. She thanked the artist, put her clothes back on, and left the salon, the pain from the tattoo causing her to hunch over as she walked.

With Fantine’s worsening behavior regarding her midlife crisis, something was bound to go down at home. Irwin hadn’t seen her in days while her children didn’t even know who she was. Waffles anticipated the inevitable blowout every day. Rather than stress out about it, he took the opportunity to bring in all of the critters he had been hunting and hide them around the house. Nobody was paying attention to him, might as well entertain himself.