Foreword: The following advertisement was aired on several television channels on ██/██/████. None of the channel managers could explain the presence of this advertisement.

VIDEO TRANSCRIPT

<Begin Log>

Black and white view of a beach, with a family playing in the sand. Family appears to be despondent.

Narrator: Hey you! Are you tired of old, boring beaches? Is the sand getting in between your toes and getting to your head?

Family looks towards the screen and nods.

Narrator: Well, come on down to the Clocktree Beach!

Scene does a star transition to a color scene of another beach. Beach appears to be SCP-2217.

Narrator: Clocktree Beach is the ultimate vacation spot for your family! Come on down and meet our devoted team of staff!

Six automatons consistent with SCP-2217-A march onto screen.

Narrator: Our attractions include:

Star transition to an SCP-2217-A instance cutting open the woman's back, and removing internal organs. Organs are then discarded by the instance.

Narrator: 24/7 back massages!

Star transition to the man being forced into a pool of lava by SCP-2217-A instances.

Narrator: Our world famous spas!

Star transition to an SCP-2217-A instance throwing the boy off of the cliff in SCP-2217-A.

Narrator: Exciting cliff diving!

Star transition to the girl running away from lightning strikes. Lightning creates SCP-2217-A instances that pursue the girl.

Narrator: Authentic natural experiences!

Star transition to the entire family, unharmed, being escorted by a group of SCP-2217-A instances to SCP-2217-A1. Family appears to be suffering from oxygen deprivation.

Narrator: And expand your world by coming on down to our amazing cultural sites!

Star transition to the family in a jail cell. SCP-2217-A stands guard outside.

Narrator: And in between, you can come on down to our five-star hotels!

Star transition to a pan shot of the beach. An adult male in a tuxedo walks in, but his head is not visible in the way that the camera is used. A link to SCP-2030 has been hypothesized.

Narrator: And don't take our word for it! Listen to these world-famous celebrities!

Star transition to a room containing a red chair. SCP-2337 is sitting in the chair. A bar at the bottom of the screen reads "Dr. Spanko - Certified Stranglefruit Expert."

SCP-2337: Am Doktor Spankoflex, Cack! Unaffable housing and great Aunty Mekahlite and the end of the triply done trilogy. Clouds seemed to look like lollipops, Cack!

Star transition to the same room. In SCP-2337's place, SCP-1679-1 is lying in the chair. The camera focuses on SCP-1679-1. Silence for ten seconds. The bar at the bottom reads "Basil McMaster - Mayor of Belleview, [DATA REDACTED]"

Star transition to the same room. Harold Holt is now sitting in the chair. Biological Grafts allow it to be identified as SCP-3477-1. Bar reads "Harold Holt - Prime Minister of Australia".

SCP-3477-1: Hello there. I, Harold Holt, enjoyed Clocktree Beach. The ocean was quite the commotion, and the staff were the most friendly folk you'll ever meet.

Star transition to the same room. SCP-3477-2 is now being interviewed. Bar reads "Harold Holt - Prime Minister of Australia".

SCP-3477-2: Hello there. I, Harold Holt, enjoyed Clocktree Beach. There were many unsuspecting guests I could make friends with, and the staff were the most friendly folk you'll ever meet.

The remaining 75 instances of SCP-3477 feature in the commercial. Extraneous information removed.

Star transition to the family from earlier, still in the cage. Several SCP-2217-A instances are in the cage, removing parts of the family's bodies and replacing them with machine parts. Similarities to initiation rituals preformed by GoI-004 ("Church of the Broken God") have been noted.

Narrator: I can personally promise you that Clocktree Beach will be the best family vacation you've ever had. Clocktree Beach: Come on down. Come on down to Clocktree Beach. Clocktree Beach is the ultimate resort to come on down to. Come on down. We'll all be waiting here. Come on down to Clocktree Beach. It's the only thing to do. Come on down and free us.

Star transition to a black screen. The text "COME ON DOWN" has been printed on the screen. Commercial runs for three minutes and two seconds more. The family's screams are audible during this time.

<End Log>