liminal space “in its final iteration” itinerant practice “rupture” or “suture” post-Fordism the performative dimension of language seeks to negotiate the tension between X and Y seeks to problemati ...

liminal space “in its final iteration” itinerant practice “rupture” or “suture” post-Fordism the performative dimension of language seeks to negotiate the tension between X and Y seeks to problematize a continually deferred relationship collaborative duo subverting the traditional subject/object relationship multi-channel sound and video installation the ongoing interplay between physical site and displacement temporal/spatial dynamics the affective dimension the dialogical relationship between a hybrid space re-purposed materials i am intrigued by “basically i am really just an inventor” (almost always said by heterosexual male artist)

Holiday Sale! Artist Statement Templates!

TEMPLATE 1: The Trauma/ Disaster/Beauty Artist Statement $11.99

Step 1: talk about how beauty and horror are intertwined

Step 2: use phrase “comparatively restrained, but no less powerful”

Step 3: use words “elegiacal” and “haunting”

Step 4: describe narratives of “identity, mortality, loss and love”

TEMPLATE 2: The Post-Feminist Slut/Voyeur Artist Statement $17.99

Step 1: talk about how your subjectivity is formed in the wake of post-feminism

Step 2: use your fairly attractive body in all your work, photographed in skimpy underwear & rollerskates—it’s okay to look slutty becuz you're a feminist interrogating self-objectification

Step 3: DON'T WEAR MAKE-UP. It will cause you to not be taken seriously "conceptually". DO WEAR SKIMPY UNDERWEAR. It will make your work sell like hotcakes.

Step 4: talk about how you are problematizing the traditional relationship between spectator and on-screen fetish object

Step 5: end with the phrase “an unsettling dance of seduction, power, trust, tenderness, loss, and betrayal”

TEMPLATE 3: The Eyebeam Artist Statement $12.99 Step 1: talk about how your interest in technology actually comes from an interrogation of the semiotics of the object

Step 2: use hybrid words like “informance” and “postgravity” or “social gaming,” and “wearable technology”

Step 3: your MFA should be from MIT Art, Culture and Technology Program, UC Santa Cruz Digital Arts and New Media Program, Brown’s Modern Culture and Media, or NYU’s ITP

TEMPLATE 4: The Ecology and Urbanism Statement $18.99

Step 1: talk about how your interest in re-purposing trash began when one day U were [INSERT OFF-HANDED BANAL ANECDOTE ABOUT YOURSELF]

Step 2: talk about how you use Evian bottles, cardboard, rubber caps, plastic wrapping and “anything else I can find”

Step 3: talk about how your work negotiates the dialectic between conflicting discourses of urbanism and ecology

Step 4: talk about First World Trash vs. Third World Trash, post-capitalist consumer politics, and the traces of “deviant globalization”

TEMPLATE 5: The Inventor Artist Statement $15.99

Step 1: talk about how your objects capture this specific moment in American History (the cusp of post-industrial implosion? the dissipation of Post-Fordist efficiency?)

Step 2: talk about how your objects “hover in an indeterminate space between” [INSERT ONE PAIR BELOW]: * connotation and denotation * nature and culture * obsolescence and futurism * specialization and ambiguity * utilitarianism and irrelevance

Step 3: after using a lot of big words and sociocultural commentary, end artist statement with, “but really I am just an old-fashioned inventor” (it’s the gee shucks Osh Kosh B’gosh Overalls populist moment)

TEMPLATE 6: The Disneyland/ Dystopian Paradise/Planned Utopia Artist Statement $21.99:

Step 1: talk about how your interest in planned communities came from interrogating the assumptions of the following:

the American dream

the failed narrative of progress

conflicts that inhere in postmodern urbanism

experimental geography

Step 2: talk about ambiguous futures, suspended temporality and the destabilization of the reality principle

Step 3: rail against a too-perfect repressed “paradise” that is really a simulacra of XYZ

Step 4: bring in Buckminster Fuller, Brazilia and Celebration (planned community in Florida)

TEMPLATE 7: The Deconstructed Architecture/Unmonumental Sculpture Artist Statement

Step 1: talk about how your work began with a preoccupation with "haunted spaces," "aporia" and "liminality"

Step 2: talk about how your installations render visible what the built environment has naturalized or obscured

Step 3: tell an anecdote about how your 3 month artist residency in a Third World country (i.e. South/Central America, Eastern Europe, Africa, etc.) awakened an awareness about how ethnography is embedded in place in a way that the homogenized metropli of the First World never allowed you to perceive that allows you to simultaneously:

A.) off-handedly brag about how you were at a residency

B.) show that despite your impenetrable wall of accolades, you are still a sentient aware person capable of being effected and transformed by lived experience (they LOVE that!)

ARTIST STATEMENT PHRASES FOR SALE!!! HURRY UP! HOLIDAY SALE—USE THESE SPRINKLY GOOD PHRASES TO PEPPER YOUR ARTIST STATEMENT!!!:

$3.99: “unsettling dance of seduction, power, trust, tenderness, loss, and betrayal” $2.99: “at once fairy-tale bucolic and fraught with terror” $4.99 “domestic and gallery, figuration and abstraction, performance and stasis, fiction and non-fiction.” $1.99: “vanishing point of history” $2.99: “where emotions are clad in artifice and imagination” $3.99: “uncanny performance of media narrative as childlike theater” (Bullshit Rating: 83) $2.99: “explore the limits of knowing and not-knowing” $4.99: “the gap between necessity and desire, practicality and fiction” (Bullshit Rating: 97) $3.99 “collapses boundaries between performance, sculpture, architecture, and documentation” $5.99: “via acts of estrangement, reversal, ritualized behavior, and fragmentation” $2.99: minimal/ornate, industrial/handmade, comic/tragic, progress/destruction, and attraction/repulsion. $3.99: deceptively terse, inconspicuous, and emphatically un-heroic (Bullshit Rating: 78) $1.99: comparatively restrained, but no less powerful (Bullshit Rating: 94) 99 Cent Pile!!!EVERYTHING IS IN THIS PILE 99 CENTS, LIMITED TIME ONLY! multilayered works

identity, loss, mortality, and love.

“such disparate materials as”

phantasmagoric

utilizes everyday materials

palimpsest

“their rich dark humor”

William Burroughs said that all the conversations we are able to have are all collected on one record, and this record has been hooked into all our brains and just keeps playing over and over. What I wish a visual artist would do is collect all the phrases that are allowed to be used in artist statements, collect it on a tape or record, hook it up in the gallery office and wire it into robots.

How to Construct a Queer Persona in the Visual Arts SPECIAL HOLIDAY PACKAGE DEAL $29.99: 3 tablespoons alienation 2 quarts rage 1 teaspoon over-compensatory joie-de-vivre of the marginalized 2 packages reference to buried historical figure that was gay that nobody heard of that you name your 501 (c) 3 after 5 pages de-centered photography, where subject-object hierarchy have been destabilized 2 sheaths grainy photos of ACT-UP activists being arrested 2 packets of brazen unapologetic description of non hetero-normative sexualities 1 cup defiance (preferably, wounded defiance) 1 drop elusive sadness (subtle, yet still palpable beneath the rage) one pound images of dicks and motorcycle jackets [SHOW DICKS AT ALL TIMES] 3 dashes scathing wit 2 index cards off-handed use of explicit language, indicative of one's anti-authoritarianism

Classic Queer, $14.99: For $14.99, you can have the voice of CLASSIC QUEER circa 1962-1979. Brash. Defiant. Binary opposition between straight and gay. Police brutality. Mattachine Society. Lose your job if they find out your gay. Traumatization. Brutalization. Erasure. Repression. AIDS Queer, $34.99:

For 34.99, you can have the voice of AIDS QUEER circa 1980-1994. The politics of sickness and health. Watching all your friends die. Reagan epithets. Resilience in the face of a cruel society. Elegiacal. Nihilistic. Graphic depictions of ravages of AIDS virus. Redeeming dignity through queer collectivity. Subversive honesty that makes everyone uncomfortable (that can later translate into a type of cultural capital once the bite of the honesty has been de-fanged of any present day ramifications and can be reified into a type of abstract cultural symbolism). Post-Structuralist Queer, $27.99: For $27.99, you can have the voice of post-structuralist Queer circa 1990-2009. Counter-epistemology. Gender Performativity. Judith Butler. Austin speech act theory. Discard essentialism. Social Constructionism. Disability. Transnationalism. Defining Homonationalism. The Queer and the State. No Future. Luce Irigiray. The sex that is not one. Problematization. Heteronormative paradigm.

Post 2000-Queer: For $27.99, you can have the voice of post-2000 Queer. Collaborative. Performative. Hampshire College. the Kitchen. Whitney ISP. Queer Detournement. WACK Show. Tracy and the Plastics.