You got…

Forget Maradona, Pele or sliced bread with Zidane's face on it – you're the greatest thing going

Nothing false about this nine, you striking sensation you

You're world class but can you do it on a wet night in Wolverhampton?

You're rapidly becoming the first name on the teamsheet

Work on your consistency and you'll be more than just a useful squad player

You've got promise. But then so did Michael Ricketts

'Championship? You're having a laugh' ... Maybe League One if you can make it to the play-offs

A loan spell at Hartlepool is calling you (and not even Jeff Stelling is happy about it)

Have you considered another sport?

He'll be very, very disappointed with that, Clive

Go home and think long and hard about this. And then think some more