Unless you have eight eyes like some kind of politically-engaged spider, your second most important decision tomorrow will be choosing which channel to watch the election results on. Luckily, we’re here to help

For the Spinoff’s election night plans, scroll all the way to the foot of this page

1 NEWS Vote 17 Election Night Special

When: 7.00pm

Where: TVNZ 1 & TVNZ.co.nz

Who: Honestly, we’re looking at The Avengers of TVNZ. Think Seven Sharp’s Mike Hosking and Breakfast’s Hilary Barry, 1 NEWS at Six’s Simon Dallow and Wendy Petrie, 1 NEWS political editor Corin Dann and Sunday’s Jehan Casinader.

Why: Are you ready for a first look at 1 NEWS’ new AUGMENTED REALITY studio?!?! Could be the first time we see Mike Hosking and Pikachu in the same room. Huge.

THREE’s Decision17

When: 7.00pm

Where: Three, ThreeNow.co.nz and on RadioLIVE

Who: Hosted by Duncan Garner, who will be joined by Newshub political editor Patrick Gower, and The Nation host Lisa Owen.

Why: If Three knows anything about making television, they’ll have their state of the art 4D technology ready to deliver water flecks into your living room when Paddy starts frothing at 7.01pm.

TVNZ2’s Big Bang Theory Marathon

When: 10.30am – 8.50pm

Where: TVNZ2, livestreamed on TVNZ.co.nz

Who: Sheldon and the boys.

Why: Look, our whole universe is in a hot, dense state, so why not crack open a cold one with Penny and the lads for nearly TWELVE CONSECUTIVE HOURS.

Māori Television’s Election Aotearoa

When: 7.00pm

Where: Māori Television, MāoriTelevision.com, simulcast through the Māori Iwi Radio network

Who: Oriini Kaipara, Matai Smith and Heta Gardiner will be crossing to reporters across the country, and in the studio former Māori Party leader Dame Tariana Turia and former Te Rūnanga o Ngāi Tahu chairman Sir Mark Solomon will be dissecting the incoming results.

Why: Seems like the only TV outlet that’s incorporated a youth element, with anchor Kawe Roes keeping an eye on the social media memescape.

RNZ Election17

When: 7.00pm

Where: RNZ National, rnz.co.nz, Freeview Channel 50, FaceTV on Sky Channel 83, the Morning Report and Checkpoint Facebook pages, YouTube, the face of the moon and injected straight into your veins.

Who: John Campbell will be presenting from his Checkpoint studio in central Auckland with RNZ’s Political Editor Jane Patterson and Māori Affairs reporter Mihingarangi Forbes. Guyon Espiner will be joined by a team of six expert commentators at the University of Auckland’s snazzy television studio.

Why: Guyon Espiner and co will be coming at you live from Shortland Street! Not that Shortland Street! But maybe they will end it on a heart-stopping cliffhanger anyway?

NZ Herald Election Night

When: From 7pm

Where: Live on nzherald.co.nz, also on their Facebook page

Who: Heather du Plessis-Allan and Tristram Clayton will be joined by guests including Audrey Young, Fran O’Sullivan and Liam Dann.

Why: It’s the newspaper… but with moving pictures? Sorry Harry Potter, didn’t realise Hogwarts was in session.

The 95bFM Election Special

When: 7.00pm

Where: Live on 95bFM and simulcast in video on their Facebook page

Who: Pearl Little and Jogai Bhatt hosting, undoubtedly many more rogue bFMers joining throughout the four-hour broadcast

Why: The only option offering both piss-taking and insight into the fiscal efficacy of quantitative easing.

Discourse Votes

When: 7.00pm

Where: Streaming live on Facebook and Youtube

Who: Morgan Avery and Ben Gracewood hosting, in the past has had Tickled’s Dylan Reeve behind-the-scenes.

Why: This results show boasts a delicious looking World Famous Cupcake Parliament data visualisation, and they’re allowed to drink beers and eat burgers. Just like the rest of us.

And when you wake up tomorrow feeling INSERT EXTREME EMOTION HERE, there’s a bunch of hangover specials for you to feast upon like a greasy bucket of fried chicken.

Tagata Pasifika post-election special

7.30am, TVNZ1

Q + A, two-hour special

8.00am, TVNZ1

Māori Television: The Morning After special

8.00am, Māori Television

RNZ National’s post-election coverage

9.00am, RNZ Nation, stream live rnz.co.nz

The Hui post-election night 60-minute special

9.00am, Three

The Nation post-election show

10.00am, Three

Marae special

10.00am, TVNZ1

As the clock strikes 7pm Saturday, here’s the coverage we’ll be doing on this, The Spinoff website.

ROAMING

Our Auckland editor and notorious party liaison Simon ‘Van Wilder’ Wilson will be getting in the thick of the mirth and misery at the official election night parties of National, Labour and The Greens. That’s a lot of partying. Will he end up at McDonald’s at 3am? Or will he be churning out incredible reporting from the field all night long? Keep an eye on The Spinoff to find out.

BROADCASTING

At some point in the evening, when the results have taken some sort of discernible shape, we’ll be going live from Spinoff HQ on our Facebook page with all the commentary and political costumes your bandwidth can handle. Hopefully it will be better than our live stream of the leak in our office roof, but that’s a high bar.

WRITING

With a cutting-edge multi-screen workplace setup including at least one flatscreen TV, one laptop, a creaky transistor radio and a psychic medium, we’ll also be churning out some searing hot takes from 7pm on the spinoff dot co dot nz.

MEME-ING

Our in-house meme merchant Mad Chapman will undoubtedly be churning out shareable content in real-time. You never know when she’ll strike, so keep a peeled eyeball on our Twitter feed all night long

DRINKING

You, not us. We’re responsible.

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