1. Sam Raimi made it, how bad could it really have been?

2. I know Samuel L. Jackson isn't going to be in this, but maybe if I wish on some snake-free planes, Samuel L. Jackson might magically be in this?

3. Why does Tobey Maguire have a muppet voice? He's like 95% muppet, 5% moist eyeballs.

4. In what social hierarchy is a 35-year-old adult playing a teenager who spilled the jelly from a jelly donut on himself allowed to laugh at Peter Parker?

5. In fact who are all these adult high schoolers? All these people are legit old enough to have HAD teenagers.

6. What NYC high schooler takes a school bus? I've lived here seven years and the only yellow school bus I've ever seen was filled Orthodox Jewish lawyers.

7. shiiiiiiIIIT is this the dystopian universe where James Franco actually ages into Willem Dafoe? That is highly unfortunate.