I was more than sipping my 3rd vodka soda and as usual, watching long lost treasures from my childhood. While drunkenly searching netflix I finally got to where I needed to be for the rest of that night, “Popeye and Friends,” a 1 hour 17 minute compilation of random Cartoons from the 1950’s. Popeye and Sylvester the cat were friends?! Thufferin thuccotash that is cool! Popeye was an obsession of mine as a middleschooler so my alcohol infused brain jumped at the opportunity to watch the whole darn thing and see what good ol’ Popeye had been up to since I left him (this obsession started in the slowly declining VHS section of the Tacoma K-Mart as a 7th grader, right before Edgar Martinez drove in 2 or 3 runs against Boston Red Sox middle reliever Rod Beck in 2001, that crazy lookin guy with the sideburns. Yay Mariners who were actually good and yay middle relievers with sideburns!) One episode in particular really caught my attention, mostly because there was so much cool historical context flying right into my 5 senses! (Yes I use all 5 senses when watching this kind of stuff) It was called, “Spree Lunch,” and I want analyze further why it made me so weirdly happy as an American.

Lets start out with the basic plot line, which is pretty normal and reasonable for late 1950’s culture. 2 capitalists are at odds with each other to get the most business! Who are these 2 Capitalists you ask?! Duh, it’s our good pals Popeye and Bluto!! You’d think this would be the classic battle of good versus evil; Popeye being good and Bluto being evil, just like every other episode of Popeye in the history of the show. However, you soon find out both of them are kind of being shitty Diner owners who are only after tunnel visioned consumer Wimpy’s money. It isn’t even real money they want either, just the promise of money, hopefully coming in on Tuesday (It always comes in on Tuesday, you are so consistent my dearest beloved Wimpy!) I have yet to see if he ever actually pays anyone back that coming Tuesday. I wish they would have made an episode of Popeye just titled, “It’s Finally Tuesday And Wimpy Is Paying Back Every Character Ever In This Show For Buying/Providing Him With Hamburgers” I’d definitely rest a little easier at night knowing he came through on his financial promises.

So you’d think Wimpy is up to his usual shtick of looking for burgers to ingest right?! Yes… actually it does start out like that; but you soon learn that it really doesn’t matter what food they have for the guy, he is going to fuckin eat it. Spaghetti even eventually comes into the picture as Bluto exclaims, “spaghetti as you like it!” When the fuck did you learn how to make spaghetti just the way Wimpy likes it?! What a nice personable business owner…. But wait, Wimpy doesn’t even fuckin like spaghetti!! He likes hamburgers! But apparently when it is shoved in his face, Wimpy loves spaghetti. And he’ll scramble up his spaghetti money on Tuesday.

The classic 1950’s cartoon hi-jinks are amazing in this episode. Both Popeye and Bluto are on their A-Game as they pull out all of the stops get Wimpy to their Diners. They range from very honest non forceful ways (such as Popeye’s starting gimmick where he literally gives Wimpy the “red carpet treatment”) “Mmmmmmmmm, the red carpet treatment! This is obviously the better beanery.” but also way more direct ways (Bluto’s creative idea of secretly substituting Mexican jumping beans into Popeye’s baked bean dish to pretty much make Wimpy’s fucking head explode!) C’mon guys! Have some more respect for a possible customer!

They soon get so angry with all the buffoonery that they start throwing everything they can possibly find at each other. As the episode ends Wimpy finally gets what he wants… some god damn food! And he doesn’t even need to keep his promise of paying them back Tuesday, this is free food coming in midair from the weird ether of capitalism. Food doesn’t actually cost money if it isn’t directly on the ground! That is one of the most important rules of capitalism! Take notes!

So what the hell can this tell us about America during the 1950’s Jim?! Well first, and most obviously, it was a culture that valued capitalistic endeavors. The 1950’s loved capitalism, and it was mostly the fun Mom and Pop kind. These two diners weren’t faceless corporations battling each other, they were businesses owned by upstart humans; more importantly, humans that we directly knew and had a recollection of from past episodes and events. We loved hanging out with them on our TV screens. Popeye and Bluto were OUR friends!

But was Capitalism still viewed as pretty cutthroat? Uh, duh! Popeye fuckin used a magnet to steal a steak that BLUTO PUT HIS WHOLE HEART INTO NOT ONLY COOKING, BUT THEN PUT ON A SIZZLING PLATTER FOR WIMPY!! Not only that, but then Popeye puts on a chef’s hat and PRETENDS IT’S HIS THING HE MADE FOR HIM?? Even though Bluto is a giant asshole I got more than a little mad at Popeye for taking all the credit for that nice looking piece of meat. And worst of all, Wimpy didn’t even blink an eye! C’mon fellow consumer, be more aware of where your food comes from!!

Let’s get to the main point of this cartoon short though. As I mentioned before, in every episode there is a constant battle between good (Popeye) and evil (Bluto) But very interestingly, neither are the winner in this episode; because the winner is Wimpy! Meaning in 1950’s culture the same person always won when businesses competed, the consumer! And that my friends, is why Wimpy is my favorite character in Popeye, because as an American, his victory feels oh so satisfying! Yum! Hot Cheetos! And 2 big bags for 4 dollars at that! I’ll gladly pay for those on Tuesday Safeway! Wait, you won’t let me do that?? I hate capitalism in 2013!