DUBAI: There were wild scenes of jubilation across Dubai yesterday after it was announced that a grotesque and enormously popular sand-strewn beach was to be bulldozed and replaced by a dazzling new luxury mall and entertainment complex.

According to plans unveiled by the project developers FFS LLC, construction work will begin next month and will see the loathsome idyllic stretch of outstanding natural beauty transformed into Mall On The Beach, a four-floor shopping plaza complete with multi-screen cinema, indoor theme park and space for up to 40 restaurants.

“It’s really a dream come true,” said local resident Maryam Zorob, admiring the various artists’ impressions of the project. “For too long the view from my apartment has been blighted by this hideous golden shoreline paradise and the revolting azure blue waters of the Gulf beyond. I simply can’t wait to warmly welcome the sight of cranes and diggers on the landscape. From my understanding, once the work is complete I’m going to be looking out directly onto a multi-storey car park!”

Other locals praised the benefits of having a facility such as Mall On The Beach right on their doorsteps.

“I’m so pleased that finally the consumer needs of this community have been considered,” said Kareem Rubicon.

“Previously we’ve had to walk upwards of 300 metres to reach the nearest branch of Massimo Dutti because of this heavenly sun-soaked blot on the landscape and I’ve heard horror stories from my neighbours about McDonalds deliveries taking over 15 minutes to arrive.”

But the developers don’t intend to stop at the current designs for Mall on the Beach and have revealed ambitious plans to extend it further across Dubai’s pristine coastline.

“We see [Mall on the Beach] as simply the first step in what we hope will be a series of interconnected shopping and entertainment destinations that will stretch the length of and completely cover Dubai’s much-loved seashore eyesores,” said project director Ahmed Al Haribo.

“Our aim is that by 2023 no man, woman or child in the city will enjoy the horrendous blissful feeling of sand between their toes again.”