I remember being at a youth conference in the seventh grade and the speaker making a reference to the “Homosexual Lifestyle.” The comment, which did absolutely nothing for the overall purpose of his sermon, sounded something like, “These people believe they have to live out a homosexual lifestyle that is perverted, dangerous, and sinful – and they just don’t know they’re believing a lie”. Growing up in a charismatic evangelical church, this type of rhetoric was dropped into many sermons, in many different settings. For me – a closeted, gay, scared prepubescent boy, everything seemed pretty clear. If I admitted to myself and the world I am gay, I would be committing to this “lifestyle” that was basically a fast track to hell.

As I got older I realized that this wasn’t just a concept that existed within the church. I hear people outside the church ask similar questions.”Why are gay people so promiscuous?” “ Do you have any crazy sex stories now that you’re… Gay?” “Is it true that the homosexual lifestyle is just full of sex, drugs, and aids?”

To the church and anyone else who is curious – it’s not our lifestyle, it’s just our lives. From what I can see, it’s not too different from any of yours.

How about we just take a second and normalize a few things. The LGBT community is not the only community with individuals that are a little wild. Just visit any college campus. Really take a second and get to know your hetero peers and let them tell you all about their threesomes and drug addictions. Most of my friends are straight and in their twenties looking forward to a night at the bar that will end with at least one or two girls in their bed. Or maybe sit in a locker room with our new president, and talk about just “grabbin em by the pussy”. Church, take a deeper look into our youth group student leaders just to find that the two “Golden leaders” are sleeping together, and the girl thinks she’s pregnant. Sit in a worship service just to find out that the leader is sleeping with his girlfriend, and he doesn’t really feel that guilty about it.

I’m not shaming anyone, and I’m not saying any of these things are wrong or right for that matter, I’m just saying they happen, and they happen everywhere. People are out there trying to live life the best way they know how. Sometimes making really good choices, and sometimes making not so good choices. People – gay, straight, trans, Christian, Muslim, man, woman, and everything else, we’re all more similar than we want to admit. All of us are broken, often insecure, and longing to be loved.

By saying that all the gays live a “lifestyle” you are perpetuating systems of us and them; but as a society it would be nice to perpetuate systems of we. By grouping every LGBT member on the face of the planet into one category, and calling it a lifestyle, you are assuming you know how someone shines, before you even see their light. It’s not fair, it’s not right, and it needs to stop.

Gay people are a lot like you. Some want to be married, some want to party hard, some want to love deeply, some are scared of love, some are lawyers, actors, doctors, and entrepreneurs, and some are cooks, chefs, college dropouts, and waiters. Some are Christian, Muslim, and Buddhist, and some are atheist, and agnostic. They all live life a little differently, and they all deserve love and acceptance. Can we all just agree this whole “homosexual lifestyle” thing is bullshit. I mean I get it, the LGBT community has a lot of style, but a life in style, is not a lifestyle.

Peace and Blessing,

Jordon Friend