You see, I don't eat Cup Noodle. It's not that I don't like it, because I do. Love it. I want that month's worth of sodium flowing through my veins daily, and I'd love to pack those fried, dried, and then packaged starch bricks onto my already dangerously pudgy waistline. But my job as a world-renowned internet personality requires that I watch my figure. Or maybe I'm just tired of looking like a blogger.

But the old me -- the Cup Noodle slurping me -- would love to have a in-home vending machine. I'd rock the Cheese Curry flavor daily. And smell like it. Maker Nissin is actually giving one away... in Japan. It's a mini version, though. Cup Noodle My Vending Machine, they call it. You pop the top, drop your cup in there, hit the button, and out comes re-hydrated crap deliciousness. Danny Choo says that it's Nissin's way of thinking the millions of love-handle-sporting, Cup Noodle-breathed fans out there. I say it's a dream come true for the shut-ins.

But so is a microwave oven.