SIOUX FALLS, SD—Following a multiple-vehicle accident on Interstate 90 that temporarily halted traffic in both directions, sources reported Friday that a motorcyclist involved in the crash was hauled off and salvaged for parts. “That motorcyclist looked like a total loss when they brought it in here, but we were surprised by how many usable parts we were able to save,” said Donald Hill, who led the salvage efforts, adding that despite extensive damage to its exterior and a pair of entirely demolished kidneys, he and his team managed to reclaim a couple decent lungs and a cornea that still worked “like a charm.” “The wreck really mangled that biker, but we might be able to fix that leaky heart valve and get some good use out of it. Unfortunately, the rest is so scraped up and damaged that all we can do is cart it out to the yard with all the other completely totaled ones.” At press time, Hill was baffled by how the motorcyclist had even managed to drive around with a liver in such bad shape.

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