The Bastards Solo Kill of the Month submission: Caracal vs. Imperial Navy Slicer, Executioner, Punisher, Tormentor, Tormentor

It’s 03:00 Eve time. All’s quiet in Auner until a gang of Black Watch Syndicate frigates barge into the system, with their muffled rap music playing and unnecessary chrome spinny bits on their thrusters. An executioner, two tormentors, and a punisher. The latter three go loiter at the local novice outpost, and the executioner hangs out around the small. I warp in with a Talwar in hopes that they might pick a fight that I can win.

Twigsta > come play, frigates. 🙂

They do not. The executioner runs away. A short while later, the two tormentors and punisher have moved on to a medium, likely with the intent of spray painting the beacon with their tag. Not on my watch. I break out the Caracal and send it flying through the gate. They’ve all fled in such a hurry that one of the tormentors has left its drones behind. Two Hobgoblin IIs lie abandoned in space. A paltry prize for my patience.

Twigsta > awww, no 4v1?

Twigsta > you even forgot your drones!

Twigsta > <loc><url=showinfo:2456>Hobgoblin II</url>

Stalkerish > was kind of hoping to get those back

Twigsta > hmm. Perhaps if you paid me to leave you folks alone. 🙂

Stalkerish > well thats no fun…

Reginald Sakakibara > thanks for leaving the small xD

Twigsta > np. xD

Twigsta > can’t be everywhere, sadly!

Twigsta > Tell you what! I’ll leave the drones here in a can. You can try to take them if you want.

Stalkerish > how about if you promise to give me 5 mil if i get them

No. No that won’t do. Sure, I could twist the rules to my benefit and do some trickery, but my heart isn’t into it today. I slink back to Thukker, two Hobgoblin IIs richer, and browse youtube. A few videos later, I check local again. A new message pops up! We proceeded to discuss tissue paper.

Reginald Sakakibara > <url=showinfo:1380//672064586>Twigsta</url> where are the drones?

Twigsta > My terms were not met!

Twigsta > I took them to a good home.

Stalkerish > but i came for them!

Stalkerish > NOOOO MY BABIES

Twigsta > D-did you have kleenex on hand?

Stalkerish > yea, but not for tears

Twigsta > huehue

Reginald Sakakibara > Kleenex* it’s a brand

Reginald Sakakibara > “tissue” would be the item

Reginald Sakakibara > This is a big problem for that company

Reginald Sakakibara > it’s called trademark dilution

Twigsta > I disregard your capitalizations and substitute them with my own letters!

Twigsta > also, accept no tissue paper substitutes.

Wait, if they know there’s no drones… are they at the medium? I undock once more. Only the medium is left, and they’re all there — plus a navy slicer! Five frigates against one Caracal — not the best odds against a ship that’s never seen real solo combat, but I wanted a fight. I decide to try once more, hurling my Caracal into the plex, bellowing the name of the patron saint of rushing into bad situations.

Twigsta > LEEROOOOOOOOOY

I land. They’re not running away! Target, target, target! By the time I manage any locks, they’ve got me down to half shield. I quickly throw point, webs, light missiles, and drones at the navy slicer. It doesn’t last ten seconds. I move onto the executioner. It too dies in short order. My first large ancillary shield booster is now empty and reloading, and I’m dipping into armor. I hit the second large ancillary booster and overload it as I turn my attention the Punisher. Wrong move.

The Punisher proved to be the toughest of the bunch, as I should have planned for. By the time I got it into half armor, my shields were at a quarter, my armor at half, and both ancillaries were reloading. Things looked grim. I fired my last light missile volley and watched, hoping that my ancillary would reload in time. I watched the meters go red. Shields – empty. Armor – gone. Hull – 75%. 50%. 25%. GFs began to appear in local. My Warrior IIs had brought the Punisher down to a sliver of hull. My first large ancillary and light missile launcher switched icons as the punisher exploded. Spewing flames and overloading everything, my Caracal went after the Tormentors with renewed vengeance and a structural integrity that was worrisome even to a Minmatar used to flying ships held together by rust and duct tape. The tormentors both fell shortly afterwards, their lasers no match for my ancillary’s shield boosting.

Reginald Sakakibara > gf

Odrokan > gf

Sir Maximus Khamsi > gf

Twigsta > gf!

Neophage Hashur > gf

Twigsta > 12% hull

Twigsta > livin’ the dream

Sir Maximus Khamsi > lol

Stalkerish > you drone stealing asshole!

Twigsta > hahaha!

Stalkerish > ill be back!

Stalkerish > later…

Twigsta > i’ll welcome you! 😀

Reginald Sakakibara > o7

Stalkerish > o7 gf

Odrokan > 07

Twigsta > o7

Sir Maximus Khamsi > o7

Slicer https://zkillboard.com/detail/37967244/

Executioner https://zkillboard.com/detail/37967249/

Punisher https://zkillboard.com/detail/37967257/

Tormentor https://zkillboard.com/detail/37967272/

Tormentor https://zkillboard.com/detail/37967264/

Screencap: http://i.gyazo.com/75af24dfb9f4d50dc064314a644d5761.png