TORY MPs say that dating a woman who is not a dominatrix is virtually impossible.

Backbenchers have sympathised with Culture Secretary John Whittingdale after he was exposed as unwittingly seeing an S&M dominatrix, stressing that in their experience it is ‘always the way’.

Julian Cook, MP for Chichester North West, said: “You’re having dinner with some sweet young woman but then you go back to her flat and – yet again – you find yourself in a sex dungeon.

“Before you know it she’s strapping a ball gag to your face and you’re on all fours snivelling at your reflection in her patent leather knee-highs like the pathetic worm you are.”

Cook added: “For once I’d like to try something a bit more ‘vanilla’ just to see what it’s like. But it never seems to happen.”

Joseph Turner, MP for East Minchin, agreed: “It can’t be coincidence that every woman I’ve ever met, whether student romances or colleagues in the Commons, keeps a riding crop in her handbag for extremely naughty boys.

“Either every woman is a dominatrix, or those that are, are somehow drawn to Tory MPs like moths to a flame.”