Late-night hosts on Tuesday discussed Donald Trump’s open-door meeting with Democrats and Republicans on immigration reform, his posture towards the justice department, and a new website that placed Trump’s speeches at a fourth-grade reading level.

Late-night hosts on Oprah's Golden Globes speech: 'A year ago, I would've called it presidential' Read more

“Today Donald Trump held a bipartisan meeting on immigration reform, focused mainly on reforming our policy of having immigrants,” Stephen Colbert began. “The stakes are high. If the two sides can’t find a compromise, the federal government will be shut down on January 20th or, as historians calls it, one year too late.”

“They had the meeting this afternoon and they did it in kind of an exceptional way,” the host continued. “They held an open meeting and let cameras in for the actual negotiations. They don’t even let cameras into the bachelor fantasy suite when they’re engaging in bipartisan negotiations.”



Colbert then summarized Trump’s stipulations for any immigration deal, which include an end to the green-card lottery, family immigration and $18bn in funding for a Mexican-American border wall.

“In this meeting, Trump delivered a strong message of leadership: somebody else fix it,” Colbert said, showing footage of the president claiming he will sign any bill put forth. Impersonating Trump, Colbert continued: “I’ve always firmly believed whatever the people in the same room I’m with tell me to believe. My brain is made of tofu. It absorbs the flavor of whatever you throw at it.”



“Both Democrats and Republicans agree that a path to citizenship should be created for Dreamers,” the host explained. “Problem is, Republicans don’t want to pass Daca without the wall, and Democrats do. And for a brief, shining moment, the president agreed with the Democrats.”



Colbert then showed clips from the meeting, in which Trump appears to agree to a proposal by Senator Dianne Feinstein, who advocated passing Daca before moving on to comprehensive immigration reform, before the House majority leader, Kevin McCarthy, explained to Trump that Feinstein did not mean a border wall.

“I agree with Dianne Feinstein because I heard her speaking last,” Colbert said, imitating Trump. “What’s that? Kevin’s talking now? OK, I agree with Kevin.”

Trevor Noah addressed Trump’s recent comments about the justice department, which suggest he believes attorney general Jeff Sessions is obliged to protect him from the Russia investigation.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but in between his tweetings and cheeseburgers, Donald Trump has been saying some pretty dictator-y things,” Noah began, noting a New York Times article in which Trump is reported to have said he has the “absolute right to do what I want to do with the justice department”.

“That’s a dangerous idea for the president to have,” Noah continued. “The purpose of the justice department is to enforce the law of the United States according to what’s fair, not according to what some guy wants. But thanks to recent reports, we’re learning that Donald Trump doesn’t quite see it the same way.”

In the Times report, Trump is reported to have been angry that Sessions recused himself from all matters concerning Robert Mueller’s Russia investigation; additionally, Trump praised former AG Eric Holder for having “protected” President Obama.

“Donald Trump has one of the most twisted minds I’ve ever come across,” the host said. “Not only does he think Eric Holder unethically protected Obama, he thinks it’s the one good thing that Eric Holder did. In President Trump’s mind, the attorney general is his personal attorney. Instead of recusing himself from Russia, he wanted Jeff Sessions to basically be his pint-sized Johnnie Cochran. But unfortunately for Trump, Jeff Sessions is a by-the-book kind of guy, and Donald Trump hates books.”

Noah also noted that Trump reportedly asked advisers, “Where’s my Roy Cohn,” invoking the disgraced lawyer, and assistant to Joe McCarthy, who named innocent citizens as communists, attacked his political enemies, and advocated fiercely for the execution of Julius and Ethel Rosenberg.

Noah went on to note that, in various tweets and press conferences, Trump asked for the justice department to further investigate Hillary Clinton. Earlier this week, it was announced that they are taking a new look into the former secretary of state’s use of a private email server in office.



“That should make you a little bit afraid,” Noah concluded. “Because whether or not there are legitimate reasons to further investigate Clinton and her people, if the president can start criminal investigations into anyone he wants, that feels less like a democracy and more like a Trump-ocracy.”

Jimmy Kimmel poked fun at Trump’s claim to being a “genius”, noting a website that used software to show Trump speaks at a fourth-grade reading level.

“You know how the president keeps telling us he’s a genius?” Kimmel said. “Well, it turns out he isn’t. There’s a website called Factbase that did an analysis of the first 30,000 words spoken in office by every US president since Herbert Hoover. So they loaded all the speeches into a computer, and what their software found is that President Trump speaks at a fourth-grade level, lower than any president they’ve ever measured.”

“Remember that show Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? He’s not,” Kimmel joked, noting that Hoover spoke at an 11th-grade level and Obama at a ninth-grade level. Kimmel then referenced a letter, sent to Trump by a nine-year-old and read aloud by Sarah anders, and wrote a parody of the president’s response.



Judge blocks Trump move to end Daca program for immigrants Read more

“Dear Pickle, my name is President Trump, but everybody calls me the greatest president,” Kimmel began. “I’m 71 years old and I like cheeseburgers? Have you ever been to a casino? Maybe when you visit you can give me your lunch money. I have to go be president now in my office. It’s round. Can you believe it? Anyway, I’m also sending a bottle of vodka to you for your birthday. My friend sloppy Steve drinks eight of them a day. Eight bottles is a lot. Write back, Pickle.”

