Recent reports out of a bar in northwest Chicago note they are serving a cocktail that tastes very delicious, with the exception of a faint trace of alcohol flavor.

“I picked this place for drinks with my friend Jess because they have an incredible cocktail menu,” said a primary source, Wilhelmina Becker. “Everything is so inventive and well paired, but I couldn’t help but notice there was still some alcohol flavor in there, which was gross.”

“I ordered their take on a mojito, which had fresh mint, caramelized grapefruit, and get this: rosemary,” continued Becker. “It was almost a perfect drink, but there was this aftertaste that was kind of like poison? I guess that must be the rum.”

While Becker enjoys the effects of alcohol, she was not alone in her feeling that it’s a shame to tarnish ingredients as wonderful as grapefruit and rosemary with the flavor something as disgusting as rum.

“I got sangria because I don’t do hard alcohol,” said Jess Li. “The apple chunks were really great and overall I liked the drink, but if I’m being honest, I could tell there was wine in there.”

“I know there are people who claim to genuinely enjoy the flavor of alcohol,” Li added. “But deep down, I know they’re lying because alcohol is yucky and terrible.”

Becker and Li left the bar a little drunk and with a lot of ideas.

“I know I’m not a bartender or a mixologist or whatever,” said Becker. “But I wish there were a drink that doesn’t taste like alcohol at all, like whatsoever. I guess the science just isn’t there.”

For their next outing, Becker and Li plan to just get ice cream and call it a night.