WASHINGTON, DC — Veterans groups are up in arms, figuratively speaking, over a new Department of Education pamphlet provocatively entitled “What To Do When The Veteran In Your Classroom Attempts A Mass Shooting.”

The pamphlet is part of a new series of educational tools designed to help teachers cope with the rise of armed attacks in schools.

It follows similar instructional products like “What To Do When The Hispanic In Your Classroom Attempts A Mass Shooting,” “What To Do When The Gay Student In Your Classroom Attempts A Mass Shooting,” and “What To Do When The Special-Needs Child In Your Classroom Attempts A Mass Shooting.”

It offers a series of escalating steps, designed to help other students disarm the shooter or prevent serious bodily harm from occurring.

A spokesman for the Veterans of Foreign Wars described the pamphlet as “incredibly insulting.”

“The suggestion that all veterans are PTSD-crazed cauldrons of rage is completely inaccurate,” said Alan Smalls. “IT MAKES ME SO GODDAMNED ANGRY I JUST WANT TO … relax, just relax,” he said, slowly exhaling while gripping his desk.

Despite the controversy, the Department of Education is standing by their work. A spokesman even pointed out that its veteran shooter pamphlet was written by a retired Marine “Gunner,” a specialist in infantry tactics and weapons systems.

“The first thing is not to panic,” the pamphlet begins. “The fact that this asshole isn’t working for Academi or Triple Canopy probably means he can’t hit the broad side of a barn.”

It offers other helpful tips, such as: