Until I Pop: Emotional Eating and Bipolar Disorder

By Kelley Thorpe Baker







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It all comes down to two things for me: behavior replacement and self-control. Something seems to be working, because I’m down 10 pounds so far.

By Kelley Thorpe Baker

OK, I’m about to share a secret with you. I’m a woman, and sharing information like this takes guts (which at this time, I have in excess). In the last 18 months, I’ve put on 60 pounds. Yup, you read me right. That’s 3.33 pounds per month.

I want to blame this weight gain on my new mood stabilizer I’ve been taking for approximately the same time, but that would be shifting the blame. As a alternative health coach in integrative nutrition, I have to have complete responsibility for my weight gain from all angles.

It’s been heartbreaking, watching my svelte 140 pound frame top out at 200 pounds. But I’d be lying to myself and to you if I didn’t acknowledge the truth behind my weight gain, and the fact that I have been struggling with food my entire life.

Food and mood. The two often walk hand in hand. Those with bipolar disorder will often crave carbs and sweets, due to several reasons. According to Dr. Pamela Peeks, “those with bipolar disorder are believed to have lower levels of the chemical messenger serotonin, which can spark a craving for carbs and sweets.” She further explains that bipolar disorder has a positive correlation to stress, which can cause an increase in the hormone cortisol. And when cortisol levels build up, “our appetite for sweetness intensifies”.

New research explains that individuals with bipolar disorder relish rewarding experiences (such as eating that delicious donut), and we crave those good feelings whenever we can get them, which can guide us towards this unhealthy behavior over and over again, attributing to weight gain, perhaps more than the average person.

Interestingly, I’ve been allowing myself to have as many good feelings as I’ve wanted around food because I’ve been exhibiting such self-control around other toxic, unhealthy behaviors. Hypersexuality? I’ve got it handled. Uncontrollable anger and out-of-control emotions? I’ve been on a flat line for about 18 months now, thanks to the mood stabilizer. But offer me a pint of Haagen Daaz Peanut Butter Chocolate Ice Cream when I’m feeling anxious and I’ll inhale the whole thing in a New York minute. Good feelings, good feelings.

But wait, then the bad feelings set in.

A ha. I knew this story had a turn. Darn it if it wasn’t for my career and my education in Integrative Nutrition. As a woman, I know that I’m hiding my emotions behind food. As a bipolar patient, I know that I’m sabotaging my wellness in my chocolatey goodness. As a health coach, I’m not walking the talk and setting a positive example for my own clients.

Fortunately, I’ve started to ask for help in this area of my life, and I’ve turned to my therapist, who recommended the book “End Emotional Eating” by Jennifer L. Taitz, PsyD. It’s been a great resource for me and I highly recommend it. Most important, the book teaches mindfulness and acceptance, encouraging the reader to notice their state of mind when they are eating (or ideally, before eating). I’ve discovered how my stability and boredom has actually led to an increase in my consumption of food, and how food has come to replace the many bad behaviors that I now don’t experience on a daily or weekly basis.

No intimacy today? I guess I’ll eat instead. No fights pulling at my ego? I’ll grab a snack.

The book has been extremely helpful in allowing myself to replace eating and snacking with the behaviors that I so often recommend to my clients… taking a walk, enjoying a hobby, immersing in another healthy activity.

It all comes down to two things for me:

1) Behavior Replacement: being aware and mindful of my activities, choices, and moods throughout the day and replacing them with healthier options; and

2) Self-Control: wanting the extra weight off enough to resist the sweets and carb cravings, which in time, resets my palette and behavior.

Something seems to be working, because I’m down 10 pounds so far, which is a great start. Of course, I still have a ways to go, but I’ve experienced significant weight loss before (though never before on a mood stabilizer), and I have to admit, this time, the loss has been slower. But I am trained for this, I believe in myself, and I know I can do this.

Are you an individual with bipolar disorder who would like to lose weight despite being on a mood stabilizer or other medication? Have you been struggling with emotional eating? What do you see as your biggest obstacles to weight loss? How would it feel to release those extra pounds?