I didn’t think kids were in my future.

One thing that should be clarified early on, for the good of the order, is that I am a dude who likes dudes. Gay. LGBT. Homosexual. Whatever. But nobody knows it yet.

I came to that realization in junior high, and it scared the shit out of me. I figured I could just fake my way through it - there were a handful of girls I found pretty enough to ‘date’. But the idea of sex with them never did anything for me.

As I began to acknowledge that a long-term relationship with a woman would not work for me, I began making a list of things I would never get to have:

A wedding;

My partner’s attendance at family gatherings;

Children of my own;

Grandchildren.

At one point, I wasn’t even sure if gay people could be in a long-term, committed relationship like straight people. I’d heard that they were promiscuous, willing to bang any guy that thought he might be gay. I thought all of this because I had never before fallen in love, but I know they were reasonable assumptions at any age. The stereotypes that plague the media and pop culture contributed to my first identity crisis.

As I have grown older, I have been able to take the list above and eagerly tear it apart.

Incredible progress has been made in regards to LGBT rights. I do not think that, when the time comes, I will have no trouble finding a place to marry the man I love. Will my family be there, fully accepting of the event? I doubt that. But perhaps they will respect me enough to realize that the feelings are real.

As far as having a boyfriend or husband come with me to see my extended family? I don’t think that will ever happen. More on that another time.

…and we get to children. Considering the title of this post, you’ve probably been waiting for that, right? Well, it is true - I didn’t think kids were in my future. They were the trophies of heterosexual couples. My mom has often told me how excited she is to be a grandma, just my brother has told me how excited he is to be an uncle. For years, it has crushed me, for I’ve never been able to look at them and tell them that it’ll be much more complicated because I’m gay. I won’t have a wife and pop out a huge family. Quite frankly, I was never really interested in kids until recently.

I remember the moment like it was yesterday. I was in a Barnes & Noble in New York City, with my brother, mom, and cousins. All of us could spend days in the store, and we normally go our separate ways. So, I was checking out books in the professional computing section when I glanced up and saw a rather attractive man. I returned to the book I was looking through, but looked at him again when I saw another guy enter the frame. I could only see their heads, for there was a bookshelf in the way, but I could tell from how they looked at each other that they were partners. As they shared a brief kiss, I applauded the accuracy of my gaydar and returned to my book.

A few minutes go by, and I see these two men begin to head toward the exit of the store. As their bodies come into view, I see that they’ve got an adorable little girl with them - their daughter. One of the men is holding her hand as they lead her toward the exit of the store, and I’m just sitting there, eyes widened, mind enlightened.

“I thought all of this because I had never before fallen in love.”

I realize now how much of a difference that tiny little statement plays. Since my days of ignorance in junior high, I have had the beautiful misfortune of falling in love with a guy, and I think the sensation is very similar to what straight guys feel when they see a girl - she can either be hot, or she can be beautiful. There are some people you see and think, Wow, I’d love to have sex with him/her. But then there are some people you see and think, Wow, I want to hug them and make them happy. I’d put a ring on them and show them off. Hell, I would raise a child (or multiple children) with them, because I think we’d make damn good parents.

It’s one of life’s little treasures, love is. Reflecting back on this, I do think I plan on having children. Boys or girls, that doesn’t matter. Because I know when I do, I’ll be with someone that makes the adventure worth it.