

By: Alexis Wilkinson





Photo: Courtesy of Elle

When does “faking it” serve us, and when does it hinder us? This week ELLE.com is exploring a wide variety of topics, including why we accumulate fake friendships, why we’re so quick to judge a woman who surgically enhances her features, and why faking is essential to our careers, closets, and finding closure.

Related: I’m Proud of Being Flaky



When asked about “faking it,” my mind immediately goes to accents for some reason, not orgasms. I never do that because I think men should be reminded of their inadequacy. Definitely doesn’t happen enough. Nope, no fakery in the bedroom, but when fully dressed I’m probably one of the biggest bullshitters you will ever meet. And it’s definitely one of my top five personality traits—right behind my lovable snarkiness and lack of an “inside voice.”

I love bluffing: I’ll make up elaborate backstories about myself while chatting with a group of strangers; after many years of experiencing all the pain the adult world has to offer, I’ve finally learned to cry at will; I have claimed to be a member of over 10 different ethnicities; and I once convinced a teenager that I was alive during the Truman administration.

In short, I’m pretty confident in my ability to convince people that I know things I don’t know, can do things I can’t do, and am from places that may or may not actually exist. I’m an amazing bullshiter, a great pretender. It’s part of the reason I love to write and read fiction. Bullshit from cover to cover. Perfection.

Related: 11 Things Boyfriends Just Don’t Understand



As far as I’m concerned, bluffing is just wholesome fun, though it’s also quite beneficial when it comes to getting stuff done. Seriously. This shit is science. Acting as if can actually help you succeed at challenges that you might not without it—it’s like a self-esteem placebo effect. Faking it until you make it helps you, well, make it. Keep in mind that purposefully bluffing is different than just aggressively lacking self-awareness about your own ineptitude (that shit is also science). If you’re still with me, here’s how it works:

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Step one: Recognize the challenge

Step two: Realize you may be inept at the task at hand

Step three: Still don’t care at all really

Step four: Strut

The third step is the most difficult but also the most crucial. It can be hard to accept that you don’t know how to do something, and even harder to give it a try anyway. (Not to mention the consequences you may face when your mouth has written a check your ass can’t cash.) All that aside, if you remember that there’s no harm in trying, and that most people are at least as clueless as you about most things, even the worst things that could happen don’t outweigh the benefits of kicking tail at something you didn’t even know you could do.

A friend recently brought up a theory: If I know I probably can’t accomplish something and I’m just pretending that I can, isn’t that the same as knowing the placebo is a sugar pill and still expecting it to work? Doesn’t my own insider information defeat the whole placebo effect in the first place? No it does not! Because I know the placebo effect actually improves health in the longterm, even if it’s not, you know, medicine (more science, hot damn!). Now, by that oblong logic, I am either the dumbest motherfucker on Earth…or, an unparalleled genius.

And I think you know which side I’m taking in that debate. Alexis: 1.

Related: How to Get the Best Eyebrows for Your Face



Besides, keep doing it enough and people start to constantly overestimate you. Being overestimated is soooo much better than being underestimated. It feels better and it yields better results. Overestimation feels like your ego getting a nice, wet kiss on its gigantic forehead. Being underestimated feels like having someone take a dump on your birthday cake. A “how hard can it be?” attitude kicks the underwhelming ass of a “play it safe” attitude every. single. time.

It’s hard, but I’ve actually managed to replace pernicious thoughts such as “Oh, that person’s so lucky” and “How hard would it be to physically overpower him/her/it?” with better mantras: I can be that. I can do that. Maybe not right away, but eventually. I can have that. Maybe not the way someone else would get it, but who cares?

For example, I remember one time at summer camp when I was ten years old, a bunch of dudes were going to the archery station and made a big deal of how girls only made friendship bracelets and none of us could shoot sticks into the air. Well, I assured them that I was probably not bad at it, handed my lanyard off to Deidre, and grabbed a bow. It took me about five tries to get the hang of it, but when I did? BOOM. Black Katniss. Though the boys pretended not to be impressed, I was so proud of myself that later I made an awesome bracelet commemorating my friendship to myself.

It’s so cliché but *~*~*~*nothing is impossible*~*~*~* except for licking your elbow, and who wants to do that? Not me. Never even tried. Nope. Not once. Definitely not trying it again right now because it’s a stupid, useless skill that is also dumb.

And if you smooth-talk your way into something a little too far? Said you could do something you can’t exactly do and have it blow up in your face? Do your best mischievous-neighborhood-kid-from-a-sitcom impression and repeat after me: “Well, I never said I was good.” Cue the laugh track. Alexis: 2.



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