If you’re knee-deep in geekdom, then the odds that you haven’t heard about the “J.K. Rowling Regrets Hooking Ron Up With Hermione” bru-ha-ha are so remote that I’m fairly certain that they don’t make numbers that small. Meanwhile the many, many Tumblrs, LiveJournals and DreamJournals are firing up their engines as the Shipping Wars - long existing under an uneasy cease-fire - rumble to life again, each firing broadsides of “SEE, MY SHIP SHOULD BE CANON” at one another.



Well, as the world’s foremost expert in fictional relationships, I feel it is my duty to weigh in and give my two cents.



Also, it’s Super Bowl Sunday and I’m bored to tears.



Should Harry and Hermione Have Gotten Together?



Answer: Hell no.



We’ll dispense with the fact that it’s actually incredibly refreshing that Harry and Hermione don't get together because it’s an inversion of the typical literary tropes of First Girl Wins or taking a strong female role and reducing her to “romantic reward” that infests YA fiction and deal strictly with what we have in the actual narrative.



First and foremost: Harry and Hermione never have a moment of romantic attraction.



It’s clear from the day they meet that Hermione is somewhat star-struck by Harry; after all, he’s the Wizarding world’s equivalent of Luke Skywalker, the Chosen One, the One Marked By Destiny and all that. Except… he’s kind of mediocre. He’s got heart, he’s got balls, but dear fucking GOD the boy’s got no brains or skills. His biggest talent is simply surviving shit that should have killed other people and making friends who do the heavy lifting for him. Hermione’s tween-age celebrity crush disappears pretty quickly when she realizes that Harry is basically kinda average. Once that illusion is shattered (which takes all of a couple of days, let’s be honest), it’s hard to muster up that same sort of feeling.



They do have incredible chemistry together, true… but it’s the chemistry of a brother-sister paring. All his life, Harry has had no family to speak of; his aunt, uncle and cousin barely count, seeing as they shoved him into a closet and tried to forget about him. Ron and Hermione both serve as a family-by-choice, with Hermione as the smart, brash older sister who takes him under her wing while Ron provides the noisy, chaotic but ultimately loving and supportive family that Harry always dreamed of having. Hermione doesn’t represent “love” or “sex” to Harry, she represents home. Acceptance. Belonging.





Why Would Hermione Be Interested In Ron?

The follow-up question, really, is why is Hermione with Ron? After all, Ron’s kind of a shitty wizard. He’s not terribly smart, he’s not great at magic, he almost certainly can’t keep up with Hermione on an intellectual or professional level… so what gives?



We’ll ignore the fact that Ron’s brave - braver, in some ways than Harry, because he doesn’t have a destiny that drives him on, or Hermione’s innate talent and skill. We’ll ignore the fact that he’s loyal to the point of being almost suicidal. We’ll likewise ignore the fact that he’s strong.



Nope, it’s about the fact that he’s a jock.



Wait for it.

One of the things we know about Hermione is that she’s got a thing for celebrities, especially athletes. Her first serious crush is on Viktor Krum, who is - to put it delicately - about as sharp as a sack of wet mice. He’s pretty, athletic and kinda dumb.



Now, just as with Harry, Hermione’s crush on Viktor doesn’t really last beyond actually interacting with him - after all, someone like Hermione isn’t going to be comfortable with someone who has a hard enough time pronouncing her name, nevermind not really understanding half of what she’s talking about.



Ron, on the other hand, has proven himself to her. He’s not the sharpest crayon in the box, but he tries. He’s not the best wizard, but he never gives up. His biggest problem is that he just doesn’t quite fit in.



And then suddenly he finds place. Turns out Ron’s a gifted athlete too. By his fifth year, he’s become a key member of the Gryffindor quidditch team, much to the surprise of everyone. This awkward, kind of bumbling side-kick turns out to have hidden layers. For years, Ron has been looking for a role to fill; the holy trinity of Hogwarts had been “Harry, Hermione and who’s the ginger?” He’s been the goofy comic-relief, the boy-hostage, the odd man out in his incredibly accomplished - if not terribly respected - family.



He is, frankly, the Zeppo.

And then suddenly, he’s a sports hero. He’s not just the tag-along with Harry and Hermione who’s constantly being overshadowed by the Chosen One and the Brightest Of Her Generation, he’s got a role of his own to play in school and in the Triumvirate. He’s got a newfound confidence that he never had before, the kind that comes from realizing that you’ve found the strengths that you never knew you had.

And believe me, Hermione noticed.

They’d always had a belligerent sexual tension before, but neither of them really understood it. Suddenly Ron, unassuming Ron, who’s a good guy but otherwise unremarkable, displays talent in the one secret area that flips Hermione’s switch…



Now she finally gets why she always got that weird squinchy feeling around Ron. Everything finally falls into place and she’s able to admit that, ok, Ron’s actually kinda hot.



Would there be problems down the line? Yes, obviously. But that’s true of all relationships. Ron, even with his newfound confidence, is still somewhat jealous of Harry and still worries that he’s not good enough. Hermione still has a temper and a lack of patience with people who she feels aren’t as smart as she is. But these are things that pale in comparison to their shared history, their mutual accomplishments and the strength of the relationship they’d built up over the years.



So Who Should Harry Have Been With?



Honestly? Luna Lovegood. She’s the only person that Harry has any real chemistry with. Harry and Ginny never feel like a “real” couple, other than the fact that Harry’s been thrown together with her several times and she had a child’s crush on him that only got solidified after he rescued her from the Basilisk. While there are elements of “Dude, your sister suddenly got hot” after year 4, she more represents safety to Harry - especially after the revelation that Cho Chang was mostly dating him because of his connection to Cedric Diggory. They have the family connection, but very little in common.



Harry and Luna on the other hand, have tons of commonalities. They’re both outcasts who lived on the fringes of society - Harry in the muggle-world, Luna in the wizarding world. They both are outsiders to a degree in their own place, truth-tellers that nobody ever really believes, constantly being underestimated because they’re both a bit “off” in some ways. And she’s quietly been a source of strength and support for Harry when he’s needed it most, even when Hermione and Ron weren’t there.



Yeah, she’s a bit spacey. But at the same time, so’s Harry. And she clearly digs him. Her paring off with Neville at the end is mostly her way of being with someone who could've been Harry.



If Rowling got anything wrong - in as much as a creator can be “wrong” about something they created - it’s not that Harry and Hermione should’ve gotten together, or Hermione and Ron was a mistake. It's that Harry and Ginny never made sense in the first place.