Hello and welcome back to the Fourth Estate Militia… I’m just gonna apologize in advance.

So there is this guy, username of Ulminati. Stands about two and a half meters tall, lives in a frozen waste with the other frost giants, does lame stuff like praying for the upcoming fimbulwinter (fimbulvetr is his cursed tongue) most days but sometimes, just sometimes, he does something even more horrible like reword songs to fit a Shadowrun theme. Usually I can see his message on Reddit and delete it before I’ve had a chance to read the foul words but thanks to this unknown quantity, this user called heckruler, I’ve been cursed with hearing the unholy words put to music.

As I suffer so must you.

The (Modern) Career Criminal's Song

[Runner - Face]

I am the very model of a modern career criminal

The violence I use on jobs trends often toward minimal

I take my pay from Johnson, though their goals remain a mystery

Don't ask too many questions, or your team will soon be history

[Runner - Muscle]

I shoot with gel when fighting so I don't kill SINless commoners

APDS is best against both spirits and their summoners

But if the run goes loud again the bodycount will soon accrue

You better run 'cause HTR is coming for the lot of you!

[Chorus]

You better run 'cause HTR is coming for the lot of you!

You better run 'cause HTR is coming for the lot of you!

You better run 'cause HTR is coming for the lot of you!

[Runner - Mage]

I am very good at solving things in meatspace and the astral world

Both making mana barriers and the fireballs I like to hurl

Most of my spells are flashy but mind magic is subliminal

I am the very model of a modern career criminal!

[Chorus]

Yes many spells are flashy but mind magic is subliminal

He is the very model of a modern career criminal!

[Runner - Decker]

When it is time for legwork, teams turn often to their matrix-man

I dive the hosts for info, and for traps and guns I also scan

My matrix time in hotsim takes but seconds on the meatspace clocks

Yet all my team is fast asleep, it's really quite the paradox

[Runner - Rigger]

If you need hasty transport then you really want me on your side

I use my pets for scouting and make sure our force is multiplied

They use their guns and sensors and engage in electronic war

And sometimes they explode, but really that's what you bring drones there for

[Chorus]

And sometimes they explode, but really that's what you bring drones there for!

And sometimes they explode, but really that's what you bring drones there for!

And sometimes they explode, but really that's what you bring drones there for!

…I am so sorry

Special thanks to u/Ulminati and u/heckruler for making this possible.

Original Reddit thread can be found here: