OVERLAND PARK, KS—Appearing stunned and unsettled as they entered her classroom Wednesday, students from Ms. Frederickson’s fourth-period social studies class were reportedly overcome with panic upon discovering that, oh God, all the desks had been arranged in a giant circle. “I have no idea what’s going to happen here, but it can’t be good,” said a visibly shaken Katie Wahl, 11, who according to reports began steeling herself for whatever god-awful group project, class discussion, or sharing of personal experiences the sixth-grade teacher might have in store for them. “We’re definitely going to have to go around one by one and talk or read aloud. God, we might even have to break into teams and debate something. This really, really sucks.” At press time, sources confirmed that, damn it, the only seats still available in the circle were the ones directly on either side of the teacher.

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