Article content

Welcome, American refugees! Bienvenue à tous! Thank you for considering Canada as your next home. Judging by the sudden level of interest you’ve shown in our country — you crashed our Citizenship and Immigration website last night, hours before Donald Trump delivered his victory speech — we expect millions of you to be crossing the border very soon.

Please take some time now to consider our relocation tips. There are certain places in our great federation you might want to avoid. Southern Alberta, for example. It’s a bit like Missouri, or Texas, or Oklahoma. You know, sort of…Trump-like. You’d arrive there, look around, and probably think you’d never left the mid-west. Think about these places, instead:

We apologize, but this video has failed to load.

tap here to see other videos from our team. Try refreshing your browser, or Brian Hutchinson: Moving tips for Americans — Where you should go to avoid Canada's Trump-like regions Back to video

Nelson, B.C.: This quaint little mountain town near the U.S. border was discovered by American draft dodgers during the Vietnam War that your country lost. They came, they grew weed, they never left. Show up in a Subaru with an “I Hate Trump” bumper sticker and you’ll be made to feel welcome. You might even find some long-lost relatives living in the woods, tending their grow-op.

Regina, Saskatchewan: The birthplace of Obamacare. Probably the only relocation incentive a depressed Democrat needs right now, yes? Regina is also the only city in Canada where hockey takes a backseat to football. Okay, it’s Canadian, three-down football, played on an enormous field of artificial grass covered with distracting markings meant for high school soccer and such, but if you’re coming north, you’ll have to adapt. Rouge: It’s not just for the face.