It’s all about confidence…right?

Most dating “experts” will tell you that the most important key to successful dating is being secure with who you are. They’ll tell you that confidence shines through. You might hear that dreaded phrase that has been making single people cringe for years…”You can’t be happy with someone else until you are happy with yourself.” If you ask me there’s a special place in Hell for whoever came up with that.

Here’s the problem…sometimes the decline in confidence is warranted. Maybe you’ve gained twenty pounds since the last time you were single. Maybe you no longer have the cush job that allowed you to take off at a moment’s notice and made extravagant dinners part of everyday life. Or…worst of all…maybe you just simply aren’t as young as you were the last time you were in the dating pool.

What would happen if I created a dating profile like this:

Former devilishly handsome (but always short) guy that has declined to “average” looking now that he is 36. Could probably get back to a solid 7 if I ate right and exercised enough to get rid of the extra 20 lbs I’m carrying in my mid-section. There’s a good chance that I’ll lose the gut but I can’t guarantee it. I’ve been both rich and poor and I’m currently the latter. I’ve been self-sufficient my entire life and have done well enough to take care of my teenage daughter. My mid-life crisis sent me back to school for social work. Since my new goal is to try and save the world the chances of me ever reentering a high income tax bracket are slim to none. I’m described by people that know me as intense, filterless, and a little bit crazy. I’m super competitive and the fact that I am passionate about pretty much everything can be exhausting. My mood generally fluctuates between depressed and stressed out but that’s only because I have a bad habit of taking on way too much at a time. I’m terrified of condiments due to childhood issues and I hate people that get drunk all the time because of mommy issues. My pluses: I will fight for the people I love to my very last breath, am never boring, live for spontaneous adventures, love cuddling more than anything in the world, am loyal to my friends, will never lie to you, and am an excellent communicator. My best shot to win you over on a date is with my good sense of style and witty banter.

Maybe this profile should be my next social experiment. 😉 I’m sure there are women that might be at a similar spot in their life. Maybe my next business venture should be a dating website for those in a mid-life crisis!

With Valentine’s Day around the corner all of us “single people” start seeing reminder after reminder of our relationship status. Dating websites start offering discounted memberships, every commercial on TV is for jewelry or flowers, and every time we see a couple being cute we think about how nice it would feel to walk up and slap them. The worst thing we start doing is thinking about every single person we ever broke up with; internally knowing that there’s a damn good chance that person is doing a lot better than you in the dating department…and that stings.

That awful line from the first paragraph that I refuse to even type again has some truth to it. However, how do I convey to potential dates that I’m not just a grumpy guy in a mid-life crisis? That I’m a man with a plan that still hopefully has more good times in front of him than behind? The answer is I don’t. I have to find a snuggle buddy that is OK with the stressed out, twenty pounds too heavy version of myself that I am right now…

…Then, when I lose the weight (both on my shoulders and in my mid-section) maybe they’ll feel like they hit the dating lottery. Maybe their self esteem improves by the idea that they played a part in this “new and improved” version of me. That’s a woman that I wouldn’t just date…I’d marry. There’s nothing more incredible than knowing we are with someone that will love us both at our best and at our worst. That’s what we should hope for from a partner.