Divorced Friend Excited to See The National

TORONTO — Recent divorcé Simon Brandt, who hasn’t been to a live performance since before his marriage, purchased tickets today to see indie-rock act The National, sources who claim “it’s time for him to move on” confirmed.

“Before Iris and I got hitched, I used to go to shows all the time,” said the 35-year-old marketing associate. “But I guess when you start a life with another person, your priorities shift. It’ll be therapeutic to see live music — especially surrounded by a lot of like-minded men going through the exact same thing I am.”

Brandt’s closest friend Daniel Davies will be joining the new bachelor at the show.

“Normally, the National isn’t really something I’d ever go to,” said Davies. “They’re kind of boring, and mostly inoffensive… but it’s the first thing Simon expressed genuine interest in since Iris left him. I’ve told them he needs to get back on the horse, and this show is a good baby step — there could very well be women there. I just have to make sure he doesn’t dress himself, or else he’ll look like a tool.”

In anticipation, Brandt reportedly shared YouTube links of the National’s performance on NPR’s Tiny Desk Concert to his company’s Slack channel.

“I know for some people they’re a bit of a grower… but a couple people said they’d ‘definitely check out’ the links I sent. So that’s cool,” said Brandt. “I think they’ll love it — the dramatic intensity of [National vocalist] Matt Berninger’s baritone, coupled with his clever turns of phrase… those things really speak to me. If you heard his interview on KEXP I think you’d totally get it. Plus, they recently did all that Game of Thrones stuff, so you know they’re really hitting the mark culturally.”

While Brandt is “decidedly stoked” to see the band, he hopes things wrap up by a reasonable hour.

“It’s gonna be great, but so would be being home by 10 p.m.,” said Brandt. “I’ve got to pick up our labradoodle in the morning — Iris and I share custody, and if I’m late she gets really passive aggressive.”