The funniest standup I’ve ever seen …

Dave Chappelle … and/or a random Ukrainian comedian who I saw at a comedy club in LA in the mid-90s who made me pee my pants. Never seen him again, so, yeah, Dave Chappelle.

The funniest film I’ve ever seen …

Planes, Trains and Automobiles, Monty Python’s Life of Brian, anything with Nicolas Cage.

The funniest item of clothing I’ve ever owned …

I once wore, for a period of time, a waistcoat with a silver, embossed eagle on the back of it, and with it I wore a bow tie.

The funniest meal I’ve ever eaten …

I’m still looking for this. Although I once swallowed a bug and was completely distraught and that made other people laugh.

The funniest hairstyle I’ve ever had …

I once had a rattail and I would wear a bandana with it to give it style.

The funniest dream I’ve ever had …

When I was in school in the 80s, I had a dream that Barry Manilow was a serial killer and was chasing me around the theatre where we were rehearsing the school play. So I hid out in an old age [people’s] home next door, only to find that the pope was there and he was playing lead guitar with the Beatles, but no one was attending the concert because Dynasty was on at the same time. I bet you Netflix would buy that idea today …

The funniest word …

Ass clown. Also, Engelbert Humperdinck.

Aasif Mandvi stars in This Way Up, Thursday 5 September, 10pm, Channel 4