Halloween III brazenly combines elements of science fiction, witchcraft, and Celtic fairy tales. Okay, deep breath, here we go: a corrupt businessman has manufactured a line of children's Halloween masks that, when activated by a signal sent from a TV commercial to microchips in the masks, made out of pieces of Stonehenge (What??), will unleash demonic snakes and insects that will kill the wearer.

Phew, that's a mouthful.

The film begins with a shop owner yelling about the Silver Shamrock (seriously) jack o'lantern masks — "They're going to kill us!" before he becomes the patient of our main protagonist, Tom Atkins as Dr. Daniel Challis. The man is killed during the night by a mysterious stranger who then gets in his car and immolates himself. Clearly, the shop owner knew something he wasn't supposed to know, and Dr. Dan springs into action, teaming up with the deceased shop owner's daughter Ellie, played by Stacey Nelkin, to get to the bottom of things.

The decision to journey to the small California town that houses the Silver Shamrock factory (I never tire of writing that) is decided upon rather quickly by the two leads, and why not? Dr. Dan is looking for any excuse to ditch the wife and kids to hit the open road with comely young Ellie. Their pairing is awkward, for a number of reasons including the actors' disparity in both age and looks. This movie upholds Hollywood's requirement that only women need to be hot. Also, may I remind you that in the 1980s, beyond all logic and reason, not only did Tom Atkins hook up with Stacey Nelkin here but also with Jamie Lee Curtis in The Fog. Even when presented with cinematic proof of this fact, it's still too mind boggling to believe. We live in a world where this is true. Maybe it's all due to Atkins pure animal magnetism and smooth pickup lines, like the ones on display during this cringe-worthy bit of verbal foreplay:

Dr. Dan: Maybe I ought to get another room.

Ellie: That would look sort of suspicious, wouldn't it?

Dr. Dan: What I mean is, if it'd make you more comfortable... I can sleep in the car - be a lot better than this floor, anyway.

Ellie: Where do you want to sleep, Dr. Challis?

Dr. Dan: [Staring at her] That's a dumb question, Miss Grimbridge.