The New York Times’ reputation is officially going down the toilet.

Seriously, this is not a drill:

Absolutely no one, anywhere, in human history: NY Times: pic.twitter.com/UxjH19BuyQ — David Burge (@iowahawkblog) September 17, 2019

we regret to inform you the NYT is at it again pic.twitter.com/WGlH3iKdy0 — Seth Mandel (@SethAMandel) September 17, 2019

And how. It took not one, but two women to crap this thing out. More:

We may be living in an age where certain pockets of the corporate world are breathlessly adapting to women’s needs — company-subsidized tampons, salary workshops, lactation rooms. But even in the world’s most progressive workplace, it’s not a stretch to think that you might have an empowered female executive leading a meeting at one moment and then sneaking off to another floor to relieve herself, the next. Poop shame is real — and it disproportionately affects women, who suffer from higher rates of irritable bowel syndrome and inflammatory bowel disease. In other words, the patriarchy has seeped into women’s intestinal tracts. Let’s call it the pootriarchy. Girls aren’t born with poo shame — it’s something they’re taught.

Too bad nobody taught these ladies to not write dumb articles.

SERIOUS STUFF GUYS pic.twitter.com/Fm4RW0IfKy — Aelfred The Great (@aelfred_D) September 17, 2019

Emphasis on the “anal,” we guess.

The news we knew: Boys laugh at loud farts. The more you know: Hetero women cut the cheese intentionally more than gay dudes. pic.twitter.com/S6qL74Dgg8 — Jay Caruso (@JayCaruso) September 17, 2019

An actual line from the Paper of Record, ladies and gents pic.twitter.com/rpshcd6Iy3 — Cathy Young (@CathyYoung63) September 17, 2019

Ewww.

And speaking of ewww, can we talk about that graphic for a minute?

What is going on in this graphic https://t.co/xPv27fqFdM — Jerry Dunleavy (@JerryDunleavy) September 17, 2019

Inquiring minds want to know. Except maybe they don’t …

WTH is happening in the far left stall?! — Jerry Bohl, Jr. (@jr_bohl) September 17, 2019

Why does the 1st stall have 2 sets of legs? — Fortieth St. Francis (@40thStFrancis) September 17, 2019

Er, what’s happening in this illustration? Did the woman in the stall to the far left need help or something? And who took their shoes off? New York Times, are you feeling okay?https://t.co/3r8knbxsUX pic.twitter.com/290YTfw9jH — Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) September 17, 2019

What’s going on in the first stall??? pic.twitter.com/CTelPMTrgv — GayP*triot (@AmericanHomocon) September 17, 2019

Who takes their shoes off in a work bathroom while they poop? — Lois Cayce (@LBC1983) September 17, 2019

Women would never take off their shoes in a public restroom. Gross — MLH ♥️ (@just_mindy) September 17, 2019

When you need to take your shoes off or call in a friend, it's serious. — Scott Lincicome (@scottlincicome) September 17, 2019

I work from home sooooo. (BTW, what the hell is going on in this restroom? People sharing stalls, there’s clearly a dude, and WHY IS THAT PERSON SHOELESS DEAR LORD THATS SO MUCH WORSE THAN POOPING AT WORK WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU) https://t.co/RzpV15Q4a3 — Emily “Al Fredo” Zanotti (@emzanotti) September 17, 2019

the hell is happening in that first stall — Joe Cunningham (@JoePCunningham) September 17, 2019

and the second — Joe Cunningham (@JoePCunningham) September 17, 2019

and holy mother of god the fourth — Joe Cunningham (@JoePCunningham) September 17, 2019

the third stall is the only correct stall — Joe Cunningham (@JoePCunningham) September 17, 2019

I have questions about every stall except the empty one. — Beorn (@Beorn2000) September 17, 2019

What on earth happens in the NYT restrooms? https://t.co/itJOey1v87 — Jessica Fletcher (@heckyessica) September 17, 2019

Apparently the same thing that happens in their newsrooms.

I think we already knew that women poop at the New York Times. Much of the conversation on Twitter the last four days has been dominated by a couple of women who pooped at the New York Times. https://t.co/FeUGeBoYZf — Varad Mehta (@varadmehta) September 17, 2019

These two have been known to drop a deuce at work pic.twitter.com/co7rT3kGGK — Dr. Richard Harambe (@Richard_Harambe) September 17, 2019

“Did you not see the cover artwork?” “We thought we had” — Tyler Rice (@TyKRice) September 17, 2019

Ha!