I never thought this day will ever come. But here we are. I’m married. It feels weird to think about it. The wedding went well. Alani and Li Lo helped organizing everything. The past few weeks were hectic, but I could always rely on them.

Last week I finally spoke to Gracie. We had a very long chat and I told her she must come to our wedding. I know what she’s done was terrible, but it’s all in the past. She regretted it a thousand times. Knowing that one of my best friend will be standing next to me on one of my biggest day of my life made me calmer.

I still had the odd panic attack though. Just last week I was out shopping. As I was trying on new outfits it hit me. I’m getting married, nothing will ever be the same, never will I be free again. What if I made the wrong choice? What if Gussie will leave me? What if I can’t make him happy? It also didn’t help that the stylist helping me was Bettina, bloody Gavin Pinkerton’s girlfriend, chatting away about her happy love life with that bastard.

But eventually the big day was here. I was so nervous. Just kept walking up and down around the chapel while the guests filled the rows inside. We haven’t invited many guests because we both wanted an intimate ceremony, only with our best friends. Both of our parents had passed away years ago, and our chosen few were our new families. As I was pacing nervously outside, I heard footsteps behind me.

“You are absolutely stunning”, Ben said and he stopped to take a look at me.

“Ben, you are not too shabby yourself either”, I tried joking, but my voice had a hysterical undertone I did not like at all.

He pulled me in a hug. “It’s all going to be fine. Trust me!” With that, he left me to join the rest of the guests inside.

When the time came, I walked down the isle on trembling legs. Gussie was waiting for me under the arch, his eyes filled with tears. He looked so handsome, my heart melted.

“Last chance to run away”, he whispered in my ear, and winked at me.

“Not funny”, I replied in a small voice.

The next few minutes are just a blur in my memory. We said our vows, we kissed, the guests clapped, and then we lined up for the photos. My head was swimming.

“Abbie, it’s a wedding, not a funeral!”, I heard Li Lo snap at me.

After the ceremony we went over to the pool club for drinks and a buffet. It was very casual, but I loved it. I’m not a big fan of fancy parties, so when I saw all the nachos, spicy wings, and onion rings, I couldn’t help but laugh. Ridiculous as it sounds, but pub food helped me over my horrible mood, and I could finally enjoy my own wedding.

Li Lo and Alani were extremely secretive when it came to the music, and I finally understood why, when Benni sat down at the piano and Quincy grabbed a guitar. The lady who owns the pool club was also part of the band. They were amazing! Best wedding present ever!

“It’s good to see you finally relax”, Gussie said, twirling me around. Then he added, tasting the word, “Wife.”

“I’m sorry I was so horrible this last couple of weeks”, I sighed.

We didn’t have the chance to say more because the girls grabbed my by my arms and pulled me away. My body became one with the rhythm, and I completely lost myself in the sweet melody. A tap on my shoulder woke me from my trance.

“May I…?”, Ben was standing behind me, his hand extended. I took it. We didn’t say a word, just danced away, his hand firm on my back, holding me tight. On my right Gussie was swaying with Li Lo, and Gracie was spinning on her own in the middle.

Alani took upon herself the role of the hostess and supplied everyone with endless amount of cocktails. After a while I found myself alone with Gracie.

“Gussie is a great guy”, she said, as she grabbed my hand. “I should never have done what I did. It was the most stupid thing in my life.”

“I missed you”, I said. There was no need for further discussion right now. This was not the time for that.

As we downed more drinks, I became worried that Ben will do something stupid again, and they will end up in a fight with Gussie. When I voiced my concern to Bennie, she just giggled, and pointed towards the bar.

“I think you have nothing to worry about”, she said. “Looks like Ben found someone else to keep him entertained.”

I couldn’t believe my eyes. There they were, Gracie softly rocking her hips to the music, and Ben, completely lost in the conversation. I felt something stir in me. It was not pleasant. I just got married, damn it, I should not care who he’s talking to. In fact, I should happy that for once it’s not me. I never wanted to be with him, so I couldn’t quite fathom this sudden dark feeling.

Gussie rescued me from myself. He sat me down at an empty table.

“I will make you happy, Abbie. I promise you”, he said as he squeezed my hand.

“I know.” I wasn’t just saying this, I knew he will.

A few more cocktails later we all just sat around a table, kind of deflated, like long forgotten festival balloons. Ben was slumped in the armchair, completely passed out. When our cabs pulled up, Gracie walked up to him and whispered something in his ear that made him smile.

Suddenly I felt bitter.

I had two options. Give in, and feel miserable for no logical reason, or focus on what’s important. My new marriage, and the most amazing man I know: my husband. I stood up quite abruptly.

“Shall we?”, I asked Gussie and started towards the door. Ben’s murmuring and Gracie’s muffled words still ringing in my ears.

On the way home I realized I’m being ridiculous. As I held onto Gussie’s hand, his fingers intertwined with mine, I felt that I’m in the right place.

In a few hours we were to leave to Egypt to enjoy our honeymoon, but there was one more thing missing.

I saw him look at me with those tender, blue eyes, and I felt an icy fist squeezing my heart.

Although we have done it hundreds of times before, our wedding night was special. The first time in our bed as husband and wife.

“I will make this work”, I muttered to myself.

“What did you say”, he said, smiling at hem.

“I said, I love you”, I replied.

“I love you too”, Gussie said as he pulled me down next to him.

Last night I gave myself in with all my mind and heart, and it felt like nothing else before.