Jonabeth Ferzilwick ~ The Weekly Wonk

When I first met Window he could not have been more unassuming. Window is, after all, trash.

This is not meant as an insult. Window is literally three burlap trash bags stacked on top of one another. In fact, the only human characteristic Window possesses is a debonair tricorner hat and the subtle mystique often seen in true celebrities.

Window spoke with us about fame, fortune, the hat and more in a recent interview with your very own Jonabeth Ferzilwick on Brethfember, fortytwelfth of this year. This was no easy feat, as it is rumored that Window only speaks six different words. Whether this stems from a small vocabulary (though arguably quite large compared to other trash piles) or a wish to keep his comments out of the tabloids, it is still unclear.

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Thank you for meeting with me, Window. First of all, we all know you were born from a pile of trash after a stray bolt in a wizard duel hit your bags, imbuing you with the gift of life, but where does the name Window come from?

I'M WINDOW!