I lay on the couch watching tv, my head in Eileen’s lap. I’ve been on house arrest since I let Autumn drink from me a few nights ago. Aunt Juniper says I lost too much blood so I have to lie around until I get better. Dad and mom have come by every night to give me updates. Apparently she’s getting better, but she’s been starved for so long it’s taking longer than normal for her mind to come back.

Eileen’s been really quiet lately, lost in her thoughts. She won’t tell me what they are. Mom and Dad walk in and smile at us.

“Hey.” My mom says as they sit down. “How are ya’ll doing?”

“Good.” Eileen says. “Juniper said he should be fine in about another day.”

Mom nods and pulls a journal from her bag. “That’s good to hear. Autumn is getting better, but we don’t think being in that room is helping her at all. We talked to Hurley and he’s agreed to let us bring her home.”

I look to my dad and Eileen shakes her head. “No, bring her here. She’s welcome. It’ll do her good to…” She looks down at me. “To be around Levi.”

My mom smiles sadly. “Okay. We better get going. Here’s her journal, Levi. There’s not much in it but lyrics. I think she wanted you to have it.” She sets the journal on the table and they leave.

Eileen leans over and picks up the journal. I sit up and lean against her. She looks to me before she opens it and I nod.

She opens the journal up to a random page and reads, “It’s really hard. I can’t cry in your arms ‘cause you’re not here. It’s not your fault and if it was I wouldn’t care. My heart is bigger than the distance in-between us. I know it cause I feel it beating. So strong it’ll know you down.” Eileen pauses.

She looks at me but I don’t notice. I can hear Autumn singing these words, these lyrics that she wrote. I close my eyes and lean my head back.

Eileen continues, her voice wavering. “Over here, I can’t count the miles away from where I wanna be. I bet your skin is warm and that you’re smiling. Yeah, that’s what I always loved about you. You’re so strong come and knock me down.”

She stops and I hear the journal close. Hair slides against my cheek as she stands. I open my eyes and see her walking out our back door. I get up and follow her. She stands outside without any shoes on. Her hair blows gently in the winter wind. I walk up next to her.

“Eileen.” I whisper, reaching out to her.

She turns and looks at me, tears in her eyes. I brush them away, but more replace them.

“Eileen, what’s wrong. Talk to me.” I say.

“I can’t compete with her.” She whispers. “I can’t compete with what you two have. You still love her, Levi, and she still loves you. It’s a love stronger than what you feel for me.”

I stay silent. She was right. The moment I saw Autumn in that room I knew I never stopped loving her. I loved Eileen too, but not like Autumn.

“We can work through this. What if we look at moving to Isla Paradisio?” I ask, not wanting to give up. I pull her close to me. She deserved my effort.

She shakes her head. “No, I can’t ask you to do that. You deserve to be with her. She needs you, Levi. I saw her in that room, she can’t get better without you. Love her for all you’re worth.” She pauses, taking a deep breath. “I’ll pack my things, and leave tomorrow.”

“Eileen-“ I say, but she stops me.

She leans up and kisses me. It’s a kiss that tells me she’s made up her mind, that she’s leaving and there’s nothing I can do. I pull her against me and kiss her back. Despite how I feel about Autumn, I truly do love Eileen. She’ll always hold a place in my heart.

She pulls back and smiles up at me. “I love you Levi.” She whispers.

“I love you too.” I reply.

She turns and walks back into the house. I don’t follow her. Instead I let her walk away, and sit on a lawn chair outside to think.

AN: Here’s a link to Autumn’s Journal. Also, here’s a link to a spotify playlist with Autumn’s Songs. The songs in the journal are all by Paramore and in the order Autumn wrote them. I wasn’t able to move the songs around in the playlist to get them in the same order. If for some reason the playlist won’t work you can just look them up on YouTube or somewhere. I didn’t title the songs in the journal but in order they are: Misguided Ghosts, My Heart, Proof, The Only Exception, I Hate To See Your Heart Break, All I Wanted, Daydreaming, Last Hope, Future, and Part II.