If you are interested in exploring pegging,

this article is for you.



How does porn ruin pegging? Goodness, let me count the ways...

Porn is Not Reality. First there are the aspects that are common to all porn. Fake bodies are the order of the day. The men usually have huge cocks. Women use muscle relaxers to accommodate insertion of these huge cocks in their anal passages. Unnatural (and uncomfortable) positions are commonly used so that the fake bodies and insertions are more visible for the filming. Kisses turn into weird things with tongues battling each other outside of mouths. When porn ventures into pegging you can add a few other things as well. The women now have huge cocks and the men are the ones taking the muscle relaxers. The men being pegged are verbally abused, beaten, humiliated, dressed in women's clothing and fucked in a manner where it appears to be painful. And there is absolutely zero intimacy.

This depiction of pegging may feed some people's fantasies, but it does nothing to encourage exploration of pegging for most couples. In fact, porn's representation of pegging makes my mission infinitely more difficult.

What's my mission? Simple. To convince as many heterosexual couples as possible to give pegging a try. I want to educate them about the realities of strap-on sex and help them leave behind the twisted circus-type of pegging that porn portrays. I want to tell couples how it can be intimate, luscious, amazing and unbearably sexy for both partners and how pegging deserves to be checked out as a potential addition to every couple's sex life. I realize that strap-on sex will not be on the menu for exploration in every relationship and even when tried, not every couple will decide they want to keep it in their treasure chest of sexual choices. Yet pegging is represented so bizarrely in porn that it is no wonder that many couples have a hard time even considering it.

If everything you have ever seen about pegging involves so many things you want no part of - why would you even try it? I'll tell you why...

Because humiliation, lack of intimacy, verbal abuse, feminization and pain do not have to be a part of pegging!!!

Before I go any further...this article is directed at couples and single people who might describe their sexuality as 'relatively non-kinky' and are interested in gently exploring new sexual territory. These non-kinky people are the ones who are scared away from pegging by porn's portrayal of it. Big time.

I don't believe that porn 'should' be done a certain way. There are indeed people out there who get off on exactly what is portrayed in pegging porn and sometimes even practice it in a manner that is similar to how it is shown. I encourage everyone to do whatever turns your crank sexually in a responsible, consensual manner. I'm just trying to give equal time to people interested in a kinder, gentler experience...an intimate experience.



So, taking a closer look at pegging in porn, here is what we find...

Female Dominance (FemDom) is the order of the day in porn. The kind of female dominance where the women are nasty bitches. They look mean, snarl, yell, hit the man and seem to have no concern for his enjoyment. The men in pegging porn are to be used and abused. What's the reality? There are many types of FemDom, including sensual, loving female dominance, which is largely absent from pegging porn. There is definitely an inherent switch in the usual dominant and submissive roles when you are engaging in pegging. It's unavoidable. Because the woman is now actively running the fuck and the man is allowing penetration. Don't let the power of the words 'dominant' and 'submissive' fuck with your head, though. Pegging can be done in a way that the extent of a man's submission is simply the vulnerability of the penetration. And the extent of the woman's dominance can be just that she must actually figure out how to work the strap-on in a way that is hopefully pleasurable for them both. Women who practice pegging are not all mean, nasty bitches and men who enjoy pegging do not all crave being treated poorly. Know that pegging can be as dominant/submissive as you want it to be, and any way you want it to be. You get to choose.

Feminization is big in pegging porn. Probably because there is indeed a role reversal. The man is penetrated and the woman does the penetrating. But there is no rule that says the man being pegged must wear lingerie, makeup, wigs and high heels. The role reversal can just be the wonder of experiencing the passive as opposed to the active role. A man's masculinity is not affected by pegging! Some very, very masculine men really love pegging, believe me. Feminization is not mandatory. Oh - and if any of you are still holding onto the (old, tired) misconception that men who enjoy pegging are gay - information on that ridiculous notion is here.

Humiliation often plays a big part in pegging porn. No, men do not have to be made fun of and called 'bitches' with their 'man-pussy'. Men do not have to suck the dildo and pretend it's a real cock. And for the sake of everything that is hygienic and safe, men do not have to take the dildo into their mouth after it has been in their ass. (I have to say here that in my opinion that is the single most disgusting thing I have ever seen in pegging porn.) Instead, pegging can be a loving, intimate exchange full of passion, respect, fun and good times. Really. Humiliation is absolutely not an integral part of pegging.

Pain is portrayed a lot in pegging porn. The man's face is shown screwed up with pain while the woman slams into him with an impossibly large dildo. Here's the reality. Pegging done correctly should never hurt....ever! The men in pegging porn have likely taken muscle relaxers to accommodate the huge toys and are acting like it hurts because that is what the directors want. Please undo the automatic connection of pegging with pain in your minds, people. It. Should. Not. Hurt. If enough time is taken to warm the man up and prepare him, it is really a purely pleasurable experience. One that he will probably learn to crave. No pain.

Whipping, spanking, etc. is almost always in pegging porn. It is often a part of the whole FemDom thing. But please understand the reality, once again. To enjoy pegging as a couple, neither of you need ever lift a finger in any way but loving, caressing and tender. Pegging can simply be a slow, sensual and exquisitely lovely fuck. If you are not into spanking, whipping, etc., then don't include it in your pegging experience. It is not mandatory.

No Intimacy can be detected in pegging porn. I am talking none. No tenderness, no connections, no love...it's pretty sad, really. Because there is actually tremendous potential for intimacy with pegging. You are trying something new together. It can be a very sweet and soul-baring kind of experience full of amazing discoveries. Did I mention the man's orgasms that are 10 times more powerful than anything he has ever experienced? Maybe even multiple orgasms? Did I mention women can find a lot of pleasure in pegging, too?

What Pegging Porn Will Never Show You



The role reversal can rock. The physical sensations of the different roles and the emotional aspects that go along with them can be eye-opening and can bring about renewed appreciation for your partner...because you are taking on their usual role. For the men, being penetrated requires being open and vulnerable and not being in control. Men can gain a better understanding of how women experience sex, basically. They can learn first-hand why warm-up and foreplay are important for women before intercourse and how they might not always be in the mood for penetration. For the women, they can learn that fucking requires far more than they ever realized. They get to experience the strength, endurance, stamina, grace and responsibility of running the fuck. There can be a thrill of power, as well. Thrusting into your partner and seeing the ecstasy it brings him can be quite heady.

You can talk with your partner all day long about how sex feels for you but pegging gives you the opportunity to have an experience that approximates trying out sex from the other side. This has the potential to create deep intimacy because it builds understanding and compassion between you and your partner.



For the non-kinky couples who find their way through the minefield of misconceptions and misleading portrayals associated with pegging porn, the rewards are rich indeed. How do I know this? Well...I've been there (smile). But it's not just me. People write me and tell me their stories. They speak glowingly of pegging being just like another way of making love. Their letters describe how much closer they are since exploring pegging and how it totally rejuvenated their sex life. I can feel the thrill behinds their words on the screen. Their ability to walk past the images and stereotypes created by pegging porn and continue to sexually explore together is praiseworthy.

One last thing...if you would like to introduce the concept of pegging to your partner...do not show them pegging porn! After reading this article, I don't think I need to go into the reasons why. Instead, here is an article that can give you some guidance for talking to your partner about it (of either gender). Please read it before you talk with them. You'll be glad you did. And since often it is the men who would love for their woman to be open to pegging, here's some extra reading I recommend - "Her Strap-on Fears".

Love each other...and Happy Pegging!

©Ruby Ryder