I Know What Your (Sci fi) Fandom Is By The Constructed Language You Speak

(and psychoanalyse you in the process)



Esperanto: You’re either a Red Dwarf fan, very enthusiastic about keeping out the Nazis, or both (and, really, what could get more Red Dwarf than that?). You get the romance languages confused on a regular basis and cry about it, but at least you know how to call the hall porter, because there’s a frog in your bidet. Unfortunately, no-one in this hotel speaks Esperanto. You’re a cat person, and you’ve got a keen sense of style and sophistication.



Gallifreyan: You’re a Doctor Who fan, and you don’t care who knows it. You grew up on Doctor Who content and you either lived through The Hiatus, or you’ve trawled through enough parts of the internet to feel like you’ve experienced it firsthand. You have a very loose definition of “canon” and get confused by fanon wars, because consistency? You’ve never heard of her. You would never be caught saying “I was born in the wrong generation,” but you’ve thought it, at least once. Your friends believe you may be a cryptid, but you’re just British, and gay. You’ve managed to watch episodes that don’t exist anymore, and you’re very cagey about the location of your TARDIS.



Heptapod: You are Amy Adams, and I claim my prize. Not only does your unique understanding of language give you a different perspective of time itself, but you’re a skilled calligraphist and you’ve studied Linguistics at least once. Caffeine makes you tired, somehow, but you drink it anyway. You secretly think it’d be cool to meet an alien, and you’re all for Nuclear Disarmament, but you’ll settle for world peace, and creating a universal translator within your lifetime, instead… Which adds up to the same thing, really. You have a passion for academia, but you don’t really have the energy for it. You’re comfortable with losing people over time, and accept it as a natural part of life, but sometimes you bottle your feelings up a little too tight.



Huttese: You’re a huge Star Wars: Expanded Universe fan, and you wrote several strongly-worded tweets to the Disney execs when they declared your favourite comic books non-canon. Those sleemos can prise Mara Jade out of your cold, dead hands. You have friends in powerful places, although you wouldn’t always describe them as friends. At your most vulnerable, you need someone to take care of you like you’ve just lost a hand and been told the villain was your father all along, but you can be terrifying when you need to be.



Judoon: You’re a Doctor Who fan, but only for the memes. You die a little inside when people take it too seriously, but you also own at least one Too-Long-Scarf. You don’t have a favourite Doctor, but you get an overwhelming sense of nostalgia for your childhood when someone cracks out this version of the Doctor Who theme. You’ve never had a crush on David Tennant, but Captain Jack made you realise you were Not Hetero. Sometimes people accuse you of being a little loud, but you’re certainly no crashing boar. You’ve heard of the elephant in the room, but what about the rhino?



Klingon: You’ve watched Star Trek: The Next Generation seventeen times over. You never set out to learn the language, but, one day, it stuck. You still can’t get the apostrophes in the right place on Duolingo, though. Your friend once complained that the Netflix version of TNG doesn’t have subtitles available when Klingon is spoken, and you felt smug for exactly 30 seconds, before realising you don’t know what a baQa’ is, either.

Na’vi: You’re not an Avatar fan, because the more you learn about the worldbuilding of this movie, the sheer wasted potential of this movie, the angrier you get. No, my friend. The fandom you belong to is Lord Of The Rings. You’re fascinated by the way that language informs storytelling, although you watched the film Arrival (2016) and thought it was pretentious. You’re an avid writer and plan to write at least seventeen epics in your lifetime, and have notebooks upon notebooks dedicated to your intricate, meticulous worldbuilding. Now, if only you could finish that first chapter…

Vogon: You’re a Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy fan, and have listened to Pink Floyd and Dire Straits more times than you care to admit, though not by choice. No, you’re trying to find the album that Fenchurch and Arthur made love to. If you could ask Douglas Adams one question, it would be: “Where’s the sexy Dire Straits album?”, and he wouldn’t tell you. You’re still searching for it. You really know how to hold a grude, and you like celebrity gossip more than you’d care to admit. No one understands your poetry, and you feel justified in torturing them over it. Don’t worry, though. Listening to your poetry is torture enough.



Vulcan: You live and breathe Star Trek: The Original Series, have blocked/muted (or been blocked) by William Shatner on twitter at least once, and think it’s homophobic that Duolinguo has Klingon, but not Vulcan. (It is.) You have many OTP’s, but nothing beats This Simple Feeling. (It’s beyond V’Ger’s comprehension.) You respect other fandoms, but if someone dares to suggest that Star Trek TOS isn’t the best, your blood begins to boil. Luckily, you are in control of your emotions. Your fashion sense is a little Out There, but you’re an unrecognised trendsetter and your eyebrows are always perfect.

