Blakey (BlakeBelladonna92)

to me | 11:54 PM (5 minutes ago)

You know I asked your Dad about that tattoo (don't worry I didn't mention Raven) and he told me it was proof that an honest man always wears his feelings on his sleeve, and that's the kind of man he want's to be. Trying my best not to call him out for that absolute none answer pseudo-philosophic bullshit, I realized, in a completely glorified revisionist way, that kind of is what happened wasn't it?

I'm getting ahead of myself, but I think that's just sort of my flavor of email. No I'm not angry at you for taking so long, at least not in the traditional sense of angry. I was worried and that's translated into annoyed, but fadingly. I understand it's an unreasonable annoyance so I probably shouldn't even mention it, but I guess I'm trying to do that, that "wearing it on your sleeve thing." My doctor thinks I should be more expressive anyways.

I'm out by the way. I've made the transition back to my home in dreary Portland in time for the winter rainstorms. I'm actually writing this from my balcony. The roads are slick tonight so I'm glad to be in, Ruby's here too if you're worried. She's playing something in the living room, giving me my space.

It's weird to see her so, active? in worrying about me. She picked me up from the station and has kept within a ten foot ring of me. If she's concerned I'm going to jump the railing it's not bloody likely, were only on the second floor.

I don't hate it, but I guess I'm more use to love at a distance. My fault, I know, I have an acute habit of glaring at people that approach. Even now I'm shedding her company for cold evening winds and about twenty feet of slick pavement instead. Despite this, I think your sister's actually going to start bugging me if I don't come inside.

I'm not done out here though, still more to cover. My work has generously offered me "out of office hours" work from home to mitigate what damage I could do in the office. News must have spread as to why I was missing. I really messed up, didn't I? I hate it, but Atlas would have looked so good on my CV and resume. We both fucked up bad.

But "we must imagine sisyphus happy" right? So it's good to pick up on those old stories with Raven, and as much as I want to vomit saying it, it's good to reconnect. You seem genuinely happy about that and so, it's got to be good right? So yeah, you can tell her about me, so long as I retain the right to fucking hate her.

I've been avoiding this next admission, another thing I'm not totally proud of and I'm not sure how helpful it is to say this, but I'm suppose to go all out on the honesty thing. After your email, I went to hang out with your dad, and in a weird sort of way I thought we'd, I don't know, bond over this? Maybe he'd understand. Well we got all kinds of fucked up and spent a big part of the evening bitching and crying about how much this all sucks. There was a lot of anger expressed, but I really think that just means we hate so much that you're not here right now. That's all I got to confess for now.

Just as suspected, Ruby's here to drag me out of the rain. She's also made some sort of Mac and cheese infused with crushed cheez-its baked pasta that I think counts as an abomination against god, but she want's me to try it. So I got to go pretend find a new roommate or something.

She won't let me leave till I add this, so just so you know, we love, and we support you.

Blake Belladonna

(458) 555-7929

Sent From: Salem Oregon

AN: I am sooooooooo sorrry for this taking so long. I had finals then just life got in the way and this is totally my fault (Elfen) I am soooo sorry.