What does your clothing colour say about you?

What does your clothing colour say about you?

THE elderly lady I take my mending to has a special gift in making me feel like an underwhelming human.

A rip in a garment is met with a withering stare, a popped button is greeted with an almost imperceptible shake of the head. She brings a Judge Judy level of shade to our encounters.

This lady clearly thinks that someone of my age should be taking better care of their clothes/able to fix them herself and let’s face it, she’s probably right.

But I am useless and she is cheap and thorough, so I wear the shame like a pair of freshly mended trousers.

Last Friday I took a pair of jeans to her, with a zipper that kept undoing of its own accord.

As many will agree, little breaks your stride like looking down to discover your fly has come undone mid-strut.

These particular jeans had served up this special brand of awkwardness more times that I was comfortable with, so I marched them off for a date with the Judgmental Tailor.

“Zip is busted, keeps coming undone” I stammered to the woman, while avoiding her gaze.

When I looked up she was staring at me like as was the most ridiculous adult she had ever encountered.

Through much huffing and eye-rolling she explained that there was nothing wrong with the zip it was simply a case of user error.

I had failed to lock the zip.

I continued to stare at her like the dimwit she suspected I was while she got out a spare zip to demonstrate her point.

Basically, the zip tab needs to be in the downward position to lock it off.

If the zip tab is facing upwards, it will come undone of its own accord.

Now this little life-fact had somehow completely escaped my attention.

I know to some this will be old news, and this is as big a revelation as stating that soup is best eaten with a spoon, but for others out there like me this might save you from future embarrassment in the crotch region.

For those who are across the zip-lock situation but still have a zipper that is unzipping with gay abandon, there is another “hack” which could fix your issue.

It involves procuring one of those metal circular keyrings, attaching it to the zipper tab and then looping it through the button before doing the button up.

Now if this particular jeans fact has failed to rock your world, here is a consolation offering:

That small fifth pocket on a pair of Levi’s that seems utterly useless? It’s a bit of a hangover from the past — it’s called a watch pocket since it was originally meant for placing a pocket watch inside.

* For anyone wanting to tell me how daft I am for not knowing about the zipper lock situation, I can give you details of the tailor in Haymarket. You’ll have a lot to talk about.