Pain is brutal, savage and barbaric at times. Pain cares little for family occasions, social events or holidays. Pain forces me to stay home, ensuring I don’t forget its brute presence for a second. The beast has been a silent witness to some of the most extraordinary and excruciatingly painful moments of my life.

There are so many who live with this insidious beast, just like I do. We do our best to keep on living, despite pain's germinating presence. You never become immune to the torturous, aching, stabbing, aching and suffering that pain brings, regardless of how long you live with it.

I am trying to learn that this is my new normal and I must continue with my life. I try to smile, laugh and engage, despite the struggle, strain and toil it causes. But I feel like I have been robbed!

I need to tell those who do not have chronic pain a little secret.

It hurts all day, every day, 24/7.

365 days a year.

It never stops.

It never ends.

You eat, it hurts.

You sleep, it hurts.

You just exist, it hurts.

You rest, it hurts.

You breathe, it hurts.

Every single aspect of every single day, it hurts.

And now without my essential tools (my medications) that gave me functionality, my quality of life has diminished 98% due to CDC guidelines. I truly don't know how much longer I can stay in this fight, this madness, this torment and this torture.

Constant and chronic pain isn’t something you can deal with for a long period of time. My organs are starting to shut down. I am blacking out constantly. I am having cardiac issues. I am in so much pain, I pray to God to take me!

I have begged my adult children to please not be angry with me if I take my life. I want to be here! I want to see my grandbabies grow up. I want to engage in life again!

I made a difference in peoples’ lives. I used to be a parent's last hope for true help and success when I had access to my medications. I was a special education advocate and I was good! I knew those feelings of desperation, not knowing where to turn or what to do for your child.

I just wish the government, our families, friends, and society would see us as human beings with value. Please be more compassionate, more loving and more accepting of our limitations.

No one would ask or want to live with this beast, this madness! I promise you!