Fool's Gold: The Billion-Dollar, Chicken-Loving, Wawa-Amazed, Tree-Height-Admiring Idiot Who Would Be King

Financial filings show both presidential campaigns are spending obscene amounts, with outside PACs for Romney spending up to $100 million a month. His total could reach $1 billion. A billion dollars to elect, as his latest stop in Michigan again illustrated, a mindless, soulless, sputtering sycophant. Costa Rica calls. "You have a lot of chicken here in Frankenmuth. Oh yeah, chicken and, you know, noodles. It's good German food right here. What a wonderful place...It's so much fun running for president."

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Capture Joseph Kony and Win A T-Shirt!

Following the success of Invisible Children's "Kony 2012" campaign, three grad students got excited about using crowdsourcing to address global conflicts. At Kickstriker, you can fund direct solutions: Tibetan warrior monks, or the Panopticopter, "a better weaponized drone," or the Heritage Foundation's Mobile Black Site "for interrogators on the go," or sending Blackwater forces to kill Joseph Kony. Alas, the folks at Invisible Children are not amused by the parody (yes, it is).

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Joe the Plumber Loves America and Hates Gun Control Which Killed All Those Jews and Armenians So Now He's Shooting Fruit

Aghh. Joe the Plumber, who is allegedly running for Congress, just came out with a gasp-inducing ad in which he blames the Armenian genocide and the Holocaust on gun control, and shoots fruit to prove it. No, really. We have become Monty Python. Remember when Bush was around and everyone was talking about moving to Costa Rica? This might be one of those times.

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Walmart's Forced Labor: We Feel Like We Are Slaves

How does Walmart keep its prices so low? Ask the "guest workers" who peel crawfish at their Louisiana seafood supplier. They are locked in the plant, forced to work 24-hour shifts, cursed and threatened, and under constant surveillance at their nearby trailers. Having gone on strike and filed federal complaints, they head to New York today to protest Walmart and its subsidiaries at their corporate headquarters. Brought to you by the National Guestworker Alliance . Video.

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