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Whenever Trump is sending out massive amounts of tweets— which usually include retweets of far-right-wing bloggers praising him and calling for him to play Maverick in the reboot of Top Gun—you know that Trump is losing. This is what he’s done his entire presidency. So on the day that a vote is expected to call for his impeachment, Trump has already sent out several nervous tweets although he’s acting like he’s as cool as a polar bear’s toenails.




Trump’s crazy tweet spree began last night after he sent Speaker of the House and Slayer of Presidents Nancy Pelosi a six-page letter that read like a fuccboi’s latest diary entry. Of course, Trump praised himself for sending the passive-aggressive, sternly worded letter.


If you’re wondering why Trump is bringing up the whole spying thing again, well it isn’t just because he loves to beat a dead horse and then drain its blood and drink it. On Tuesday, in an extremely unusual move under a normal president, the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court—a secret federal court that approves surveillance on spies—came out to publicly rebuke the FBI’s handling of Trump associates during his 2016 campaign.

Surely this has nothing to do with Trump’s other tactic that he deploys frequently when he realizes that he’s in trouble. Surely this move to say that the FBI spied on Trump’s campaign in 2016 isn’t another ploy by the president of the United States to weaken the argument against his impeachment by strengthening the argument that America is against him? This couldn’t be a low-level deflection tactic, could it?

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Let’s continue looking at Trump’s nervous tweets to see if we can find a pattern.


Well, that didn’t take long. The first tweet implies that former FBI Director James Comey used illegal tactics (which totally weren’t illegal) to try and take Trump down and in the followup tweet, Trump shows the bridge made from Cheetos dust to connect the phony spygate to impeachment.


Sidenote: Whenever Trump uses all caps or exclamation points (I’m not worried!) he’s totally lying.

And when all else fails, Trump, whenever he feels his back is up against the wall, always falls back on praise and adoration. It’s the main reason that he still rallies despite having been given the job by Russian diplomats three years ago.


Early Wednesday morning, the day House votes to impeach his ass, Trump began his cottonmouth tweeting all over again:


Of course, no diarrhea tweetstorm of ineptitude would be complete if the president didn’t send a few “sad guy in the White House” tweets to drum up sympathy.




So what can we expect today?

More debates. Debates, debates and debates. Then, most likely this evening, Trump will be handed the magical javelin of impeachment as Democrats run the House and have enough votes to impeach his ass.


And if you don’t think any of this is bothering Trump, listen to Trump himself talking about a possible impeachment of then-President Obama in 2014 (most likely for being a black man and wearing a tan suit in office).


Yeah, ol’ anus mouth is totally about to shit himself.