This is the SFW/censored version of this post. You can view the uncensored, sexually explicit version here on Pillowfort. All images are borrowed from the internet and are in the post because I like them. If you are the copyright owner or a person in the image, contact me: I’ll gladly credit you, or remove the image at your request.

This is part 3 of a four-part series on how to have sex with the owner of a clitoris and vagina – or whichever terms a person prefers for their sex parts – whether they be cisgender women or nonbinary and trans folks. I will release a new part to the series every week; you can find part 1 here and part 2 here. This week, we’ll look at all kinds of ways you can play with the body of someone with a clit to make them feel amazing.

It’s not “foreplay”

Our society glorifies PiV (penis-in-vagina) sex – and penetration in general – and calls all other sex acts leading up to it “foreplay”, as if the goal of every sexual encounter was for a penis to f*** something. Some people will even say they didn’t have sex with someone when there was no penetration – despite having worked hard on making orgasms happen. Penetration is just one sex act among many, and it only needs to happen when both partners want it. Many people prefer other sex acts that get called “foreplay”. Sex is whatever you want it to be – as long as it’s safe, sane, and consensual.

Fingering

Many people call masturbating someone with a vulva or bonus hole ‘fingering’. Hands and fingers are a lot more precise than d**ks when it comes to stimulating someone the right way. It’s also one of the safest sexual activities that involves touching someone else’s sex parts.

In practice, you don’t see people getting HIV or other STIs transmitted by sexual fluids from masturbating someone else. Transmission of skin-to-skin contact STIs – like herpes or HPV – can happen, but it’s rare; still, open herpes sores or genital warts should be left alone, and you should wash your hands immediately when contact happens (for herpes, there’s also the risk of infecting a different area of the body of the infected person). But masturbating someone else is far safer to your health and that of your partner than a lot of day-to-day activities (riding in a car, doing sports, etc.). Maybe even a very low risk makes you anxious though. When that’s the case, it’s okay to tell your partner that you’d rather use latex or nitrile gloves, if just for your peace of mind.

Prepare before you finger someone. As a rule, keep your nails short and round; few people like having their most sensitive areas jabbed by sharp nails. Also, you can wash your hands before you put them inside someone’s body, but the actual risks of infecting a vagina with stray bacteria are very low. Yet your partner might feel more comfortable when your hands are clean. Having lube available is a good idea too: the skin from the vulva is sensitive, and friction can make the experience unpleasant.

The best way to learn how to masturbate another person (explicit drawings of mutual masturbation) is to watch them masturbate themselves. They might be happy to put on a show. Masturbating in front of a partner makes some people uncomfortable though; still it’s okay to ask someone if you can watch them jerk off, especially when you explain that you want to learn what makes them feel good. As always, communicate well with your partner while you masturbate them, and have them guide you and give you feedback on what feels great and what doesn’t. Everyone likes different things, and what worked with a previous partner might not with the person you’re with at the moment.

While some clit owners like jumping straight into the action, most take longer to get turned on than someone with a d**k; so kissing, fondling, playing with erogenous zones, and rubbing the (clothed or bare) crotch starts the fun well. Ask your partner if they prefer you masturbate them with lube. You can play with most areas of the vulva and make it feel good, as it’s very sensitive as a whole. But the clitoris is usually where it’s at. Some people like direct stimulation of the head of the clit, but many people find that too sensitive. You can rub the glans through the hood or around it instead. Before you put your fingers in your partner’s front hole, ask if that’s okay – don’t assume it’s cool just because they’ve enjoyed your handjob so far. You can have a hard time finding the front hole when you’re not used to it, so ask your partner to help you out with that. You can starting with two fingers, but some people prefer (or require) just one at first. Your partner can enjoy a simple in-and-out thrusting motion. Yet you can feel up the front wall of the vagina (towards the navel) a couple of inches in to find the G-spot (guide on G-spot play, some sex toy photos) or engorged internal clit; rubbing that spot with a back-and-forth “come hither” motion works well for many people. Faster isn’t always better, as some people prefer slow and consistent stimulation – communicate with your partner on that. Also, some people just aren’t into G-spot play.

If you’re interested in trying some anterior fornix play (guide on A-spot play, some anatomical drawings), do ask your partner beforehand, and expect to have to explain what it is – most people with a fornix don’t know what it is, and it can be weird to them when you start reaching for the far end of their canal without bringing it up first. The idea will make some partners uncomfortable, and that’s okay. Some others will know about their fornix though, and they might know how to play with it; they can guide you then. Fingers are sometimes too short to reach the A-spot – or the person’s vagina is longer than average – but it’s easier to access when your partner lies on their back and pulls their legs and feet up: it shortens the canal. Move to the end of the front wall, towards the bladder and pubic bone, just above the cervix. Go slowly at first and avoid bumping the cervix – most people find that painful. But once you find that spot – many people say its texture is different – try a slow “come hither” motion, like for G-spot play but at the deep end of the front hole. The sensation will be different for your partner than G-spot play, and they might not be into it. They might not feel anything special either. Still they could end up loving it, and you can explore together a new way of having a great time.



Using toys



Many sex toys exist for people with a clit and a vagina: from vibrating bullets; to gyrating vibrators; to U-shaped vibrating toys that stimulate both the clit head and the front hole; to the classic non-vibrating dildo. Toys aren’t for everyone. Still many people love them and have an extensive collection. What toys work best on a person is also personal. One partner might be in love with their vibrating egg or bullet, while another one might not care about that and prefer a curved glass dildo for G-spot or A-spot play. Sex toys (sex ed comic with explicit drawings) are a huge topic that I can’t cover here, but they exist and they are an option. Your partner might own their faves already but if you shop together, a good sex shop will have knowledgeable staff that can advise you. HIV and STI transmission is possible through sharing toys, still it’s less risky than penetration with a flesh-and-blood penis. When you and your partner(s) plan on using the same toy on more than one person, put a condom on the toy and replace it when the toy switches partners. Many toys can be washed easily with warm water and gentle soap. Some can also be sterilized by boiling them for 20 minutes. Toy care depends on the material and on whether it’s motorized or not (or waterproof), and you should ask how to clean it when you buy it (or look it up online). Finally, many toys are made from silicone, and using silicone lube will damage them – so use water-based lube for those.

Front hole fisting

Fisting (guide on the topic, no explicit images) – inserting your entire hand inside your partner’s vagina – is sex act that many people don’t do, even if it’s better known than A-spot play. Fisting is demanding, and it produces a very intense sensation. You can’t improvise it (usually…), and it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. The suggestion might freak out some partners – it’s the kinkiest thing I’m bringing up in all the hand and penetrative play. For some, fisting is impossible because of a combination of a bigger hand and a smaller canal. Some people love taking a whole hand though; they’ll be delighted to have a partner who is game for fisting, and who knows how to approach it. Always discuss this beforehand(…) with your partner – to make sure they’re into that and consenting – but also because this act of penetration demands both people be active. You can’t just decide to fist someone, and that they’re going to lie there and take it; they must do things on their end to help your hand in. It takes good communication to get there and not hurt your partner.

Once again, keep those nails short and without snaggy ends. Have lube on hand – fisting requires a lot of lubrication. Using a nitrile or non-powdered latex glove makes things slicker and penetration easier. Your partner should be relaxed and very aroused. If they’re multi-orgasmic, it will help if they’ve come already. Lube your hand very well, especially the widest part. Despite the name of the act, don’t form a fist with your hand – put all five of your fingertips together in the shape a snake head (think kung fu snake stance) or duckbill. You want a shape that starts small and narrow and that progressively gets wider. You can warm up with fingering and adding one finger at a time until you reach that shape. Talk with your partner to make sure they’re comfortable throughout. The knuckles are the difficult part. On your end, try a left-right screwing lightbulb motion more than pushing in. On your partner’s end, they can squeeze their PC muscle (the muscle you contract when you want to stop peeing halfway through), and release it along with a big exhale – it can get your hand further in. Lying on their back, tilting their head back, and stretching can create more room in their canal (but some people experienced with fisting prefer different positioning). Be patient, and take things as slowly as required. Fisting might not work, and it’s important to stop rather than hurt your partner. Respect each other’s limits. The fistee could end up orgasming from the motion of trying to fit the hand in, and the muscle contraction could push the fister’s hand out. That’s okay – enjoy their orgasm, and decide together if you want to give it another go.

Once the hand is all the way in, it will naturally shape itself like a fist. The fister should keep their thumb outside their fingers when possible: orgasms might happen while their hand is in there and vaginal muscles could squeeze it tight; they’ll be better with the thumb outside. The fister should bear with any discomfort, and always let their partner know when they’ll start removing their hand – you must both do it slowly, and the fistee will need to do that stretching work they first had to do to get the hand in. For some people, just having a hand inside is plenty of stimulation and no movement is required. When the fister moves their hand, do it slowly, and don’t go for f***ing motions: expand and contract the fist slowly; turn left or right gently; or try a subtle in-and-out motion. Once again, communicate with each other. Together, you’ll figure out what feels the best and what is a no-no.

Eating out

Receiving cunnilingus (tips, no explicit photos), the clinical name for eating p***y, is the favourite sex act of a lot of people – who often like it better than penetration. Many people are uncomfortable with their own vulva however, and the thought of a partner getting up, close, and personal with it – with their face, nose, and mouth at that – can be intimidating. So as always, ask your partner how comfortable they are with you going down on them, and what you can do to help them feel more comfortable; being considerate as well as excited at the prospect of eating out your partner can go a long way towards that. Make it obvious that you have the tastiest and most beautiful treat ever in your mouth, and that you’d do anything with it to make them feel good – enthusiasm can take you a long way in itself. But some people dislike receiving oral sex, just like some people dislike giving it – and that’s okay. A long-term sexual relationship will be under a strain though when it’s between someone who loves receiving oral sex with someone who dislikes giving it. Still, you’re both hopefully on the same page in that regard.

To begin, talk with your partner about what they like, and what to avoid. Then position yourself comfortably, as many people with a clit take a while to orgasm – sometimes 20 minutes or more – and having to reposition yourself at the moment your partner is getting close might cause some frustration. Don’t go straight for the glans – it’s super-sensitive. You’ll have to work your way there, and sometimes stimulating the head directly will never be an option. The entire c**t is wired for pleasure, so start by exploring, and pay attention to what triggers a happy reaction. Your partner should also let you know whether you’re getting hot or cold. Each person is different, and what worked with a previous partner might not work with the person you’re with right now. Here are things you can try. Run your tongue all over slowly, either with the full tongue or just with the tip. Kiss and brush your lips against various spots. Don’t hesitate to suck on something, but don’t start too hard. Try using your nose or your chin (watch out for the stubble, although some people love that) if you want. Make your way to the hood of the clit, and explore that space. Tongue the hood and the area around it. Suck on the hood and indirectly, on the glans below. When your partner gets really turned on, you might even be able to feel the clit’s shaft below the surface, either by sucking or by rubbing the area with your fingers. Some people say that treating that area like you’re giving a blowjob works well for them, but start gently at first and work your way up to stronger stimulation. With a partner who enjoys getting fingered, get a couple of your digits in their front hole, and push on the internal clit doing that “come hither” motion I’ve mentioned before. Licking the front hole’s entrance or pushing your tongue in is also a possibility. If your partner is down for it, you can try teasing their glans directly or even sucking on it, but start gently and don’t overdo it, unless your partner is going nuts in a good way.

With some exploring, good communication with your partner, and paying attention to their reactions – even to small changes in touching – you might end up discovering a stroke that really gets them going. When that happens, stick to it – motion, pace, pressure, and all. There’s no guarantee your partner will orgasm from what you’re doing – and that’s okay. It takes very consistent stimulation to get there for many people. But with a bit of patience and an eagerness to pleasure and try things, you’ll learn what your partner loves when you give them head.

The risk of getting HIV from eating p***y is negligible (it is theoretically higher when there’s menstrual blood though, so be careful especially when you have a cut or sore in your mouth). Other STIs spread that way though, either from the giver to the receiver or vice versa. STIs transmitted in particular through skin contact like herpes (a person is sometimes contagious even when there are no noticeable sores) and HPV are a risk if one of you is infected. You can protect each other’s health using a dental dam, which can be homemade (how-to, images of condoms); putting some lube on the side that’ll touch the vulva will improve the experience. The texture of the dam can be an interesting sensation to play with, especially when either one of you has a latex kink. But most people eat p***y without a barrier without anything dramatic happening to them. It’s good form to ask a partner if they prefer using a dam though. Get tested for STIs every six months when your sexual practices include unprotected oral sex.

So this concludes part 3. The final part of Sex with a clit owner comes out next week, and it’ll be all about f***ing and PiV – something a great many deal of people care about.

Tip me or become a monthly supporter on Ko-fiif this post has helped you and you can afford it! I am going to university full-time to become a better educator. Supporting Sex Ed for Bi Guys means I have time to work on the series and continue helping people online, instead of working a part-time job while I’m in school. Support the series if you think bisexual, pansexual, and polysexual men deserve support and quality sex ed!

Come see us on r/BisexualMen on Reddit; we are a supportive community for bisexual, bicurious, pansexual, and polysexual men (cis, trans, and nonbinary), as well as for men questioning their sexual orientation. We also have a SFW and a NSFW chatrooms that are pretty active.

Check out all Sex Ed for Bi Guys posts here, including articles such as ”Am I bi?”, Butt Sex 101, and Dating Men, Women, and Nonbinary Folks.