Abortion doesn’t make the baby go away...

I had one (abortion) when I was 16 and one when I was 20. I had the same boyfriend for almost 6 years, from the time I was 14-20. He was 3 years older than I was, a psychology major and he knew my stepfather hated me. He always held me and told me how much he loved me and wanted to marry me, but not when I became pregnant. Then he said he would never see me again and would tell everyone they weren’t his and hand my mother money to pay for the abortions. My mother made the appointment for the first one and took me. I finally got out of this relationship when I packed up my car and left NY and moved to WY right after my second one.

(The abortion) was a painful and miserable surprise. I was crying in the waiting room before the abortion, so they put me in a separate room to wait because they said I was scaring the other girls.

Terrible emotional pains and shame (followed) that I had no idea at the origin of. Abortion became legal right before I had mine and my boyfriend used this to make it seem ok. He said intelligent people make these laws, they wouldn’t say it was all right if it wasn’t.

I went to a Pace Bible Study; after my second child was born with Hyaline membrane disease and is deaf as a result. I felt God was especially angry with me for my second abortion. When I had a third healthy child (a son) and it was the most wonderful feeling of my entire life. I did not go to PACE until after my third child was born nine years after my second abortion. Up until then I just felt like I had a terrible secret and like I was playing at being respectable and I don’t think I’ll ever like myself as much as I could have. I know God has forgiven me. I know sex is not love in itself, especially if it is destructive and I will teach my children to abstain.

Thank you for stopping people from having abortions. There was no opposition whatsoever when I had mine. All I had was guilt that I had been bad and the feeling that this (the abortion) would make it right. No one points out that either way a person goes it is a decision that stays with them all their life. I think I could live with myself a lot easier having given a child up for adoption. Abortion doesn’t make the baby go away, it just makes a dead baby.

I truly wish this activity would teach us to abstain till marriage. Men and boys included. I don’t think boys should be taught to sow their oats because girls never think of themselves in this way. I also know that I was in love and that if I didn’t "do it with him" someone else would. Growing up in NY in the ‘70’s, in high school there were a lot more girls that would, than wouldn’t. Girls should not be brought up with Cinderella stories because it makes us more vulnerable to exploitation. We need to teach our children that sex is biological and should not be confused with love. (It is a small part of love). I also think that if I had had the babies I would’ve grown up a lot sooner. I feel my life was greatly altered.