WASHINGTON—Citing your faux pas as the catalyst for several meaningful friendships, a new report published Wednesday by the Pew Research Center confirmed an innocuous thing you did in public has inspired an inside joke that will bond a group of teenagers together for life. “According to our research, the inelegant but harmless thing you did has already provided the kids who witnessed it with hours upon hours of joy and will serve as a kind of a touchstone for them well into adulthood, where they’ll undoubtedly speak at each other’s weddings and make barely veiled references to the video they took of you embarrassing yourself,” said head researcher Nathaniel Dombek, explaining that the time they spend together laughing at and constantly recreating your awkward moment will cause permanent ties to be forged among the teens, who otherwise would have drifted apart after high school. “Down through the years, and even after you have passed away, they will they continue mocking your voice and mannerisms. In this way, the thing you did will live on, persisting long after anything else you might hope to be remembered for has begun to fade from people’s recollections.” At press time, researchers predicted the stupid look on your face while reading this article would cause two people in your vicinity to make eye contact, exchange smiles, and eventually get married.

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