First time smoking weed: GO!

I bought 1/16th because I didn’t want to purchase a large amount if I ended up not liking it. I’m told that this particular type of cannabis comes from Canada, and is very good. It was $25 for 1/16oz, and I paid my friend a ‘broker fee’ as a gratuity for picking it up for me. As I’m not keen on rolling joints or cigarettes, I opted to purchase a small glass pipe. Pothead or not, it’s difficult not to appreciate the artistry and craftsmanship that goes into a fancy, blown-glass (or is the proper adjective “glass-blown”?) pipe. And they vary so much in shape and color.

I also bought a small grinder, which in retrospect, I feel may be more appropriate for rolling joints, because it seems easy for the ground up bud to fall into the hole of the pipe. We’ll see.

So I took a portion of the herb, and packed it into the bowl of my new piece of illegal paraphernalia, and grabbed a bic lighter that was previously used exclusively for candles, both scented and birthday.

Sidenote: This pipe has a hole in the side of it, which is known as a “carb”. As I understand it (or perhaps IF I understand it), you are supposed to keep a finger over this hole as your are inhaling, and then release your finger from the hole to clear the pipe of any remaining smoke. Ok.

So I held the pipe to my mouth, and lit it. Having never actually smoked a cigarette before, inhaling smoke was uncharted water for me, and as expected, my inexperience got the best of me. After several attempts, though, I managed to take a reasonably large hit off the stuff.

And I choked. Hard. I felt like a child trapped under the bed during a house fire. Fire in my lungs, fire in my throat, coughing violently, which then triggered uncontrollable drooling. I’m grateful that my first time occurred behind closed doors in the privacy of my home, rather than in a gathering of more experienced smokers. They would have certainly laughed. This coughing must have lasted a good 5 minutes. I consider this a crash course in learning how to inhale, and how to handle the smoke. I’m not a pro, yet.

So at this point, I know I’m supposed to feel something different, so I’m sitting there waiting for it. 5 minutes pass, and I’m still not really feeling anything, and I begin to wonder if perhaps my friend sold me a bag of some random herb or spice bought off the racks of a local farmers market or grocery store.

Nay.

5 more minutes pass and I begin to feel something. Now, I’ve NEVER gotten a satisfying response from ANYONE, when I ask them to explain to me what “being high” feels like, in tangible, physiological terms. So I always told myself I’d make it a point to be VERY mindful of the experience, so as to better enable me to describe it to someone else. Try to follow me, here.

Y’know how sometimes when you take a pee, you kind of get that chill that goes up your spine, neck, and scalp? I slowly began to feel that, especially in my scalp. Obviously, the first thing I did was check that I was not, in fact, urinating. We were good. But I digress.

The sensation got stronger in my head (and when I say “in my head,” I don’t mean inside my brain. I literally mean under my scalp, in this case), and the best way I could describe it would be if there was a tiny (perhaps a millimeter thick) cushion of air between my scalp and my skull. It wasn’t unpleasant, nor did it freak me out, but I could plausibly see it freaking someone out, were they in a different, more unfamiliar context, trying this unfamiliar substance.

After that, I began to get very similar bodily feelings of a beer buzz. If I closed my eyes, things got only a little “spinny,” but the gross sick feeling that often accompanies it with alcohol wasn’t there. I didn’t feel like my motor functions were inhibited, though, as they may be with a beer buzz. I feel I could still, for example, juggle, or work a rubik’s cube, or reach for potato chips without knocking over someone’s beer. My speech was not slurred when I spoke, and I could still say the alphabet.

Visually, the effects I experience were minimal. Early on, it did seem as if my field of vision would VERY subtly “breathe” with each heartbeat, but I found this eventually subsided. Colors didn’t seem drastically more vibrant, as some stereotypes may suggest, but I did find contrasting sources of light seems to have a higher contrast. For example, I pulled my smartphone out of my pocket, and noticed that the screen seemed significantly brighter, while black text on white backgrounds seemed to “pop” a little more. This was pleasant enough for me to enjoy.

Auditory input didn’t seem DRASTICALLY affected by it. I did get a very slight buzz in the ears, which I seemed to no longer notice after a while, and at one point, I remember noticing, quite easily, the note or tone that my bathroom overhead fan was whirring at.

I did find myself very relaxed the entire time. Again, very similar to how a beer buzz might feel. The ‘edge’ was simply taken off a bit. I was more comfortable on my couch.

The only real negative effect I felt, while high, was pretty significant cotton mouth. Nothing a glass of water (or juice, or soda, or tea, or whatever) didn’t alleviate.

I didn’t experience “the munchies,” and it didn’t seem as though food tasted drastically better, as some report, although I did enjoy a bit of food while under the influence. Which brings me to my next point of discussion: Time perception.

This was arguably the most amusing, and fascinating experience weed gave me on my first try. I had some leftover hibachi chicken in my fridge, and it was dinner time anyway, so I heated it up. I placed it in the microwave, and set the time for one minute. I came back into the living room, and had a conversation with my wife that seemed to last around 2 and a half minutes, give or take. After finishing this conversation, I stepped back into the kitchen, to find that only 30 seconds had passed in the cooking of my food. I laughed heartily at this.

Time did seem to pass slower, but I was enjoying the experience, so I didn’t get a sense of impatience from this “time dilation”. I simply went with it. Enjoyed it. It’s not really a feeling I wanted to immediately end, as it is.

When I drink, I often turn pale, and my cheeks and nose go rosy. With cannabis, my eyes simply got a little red, and heavier, similar to how I look when I’m sleepy. Now granted, my trying marijuana occurred late at night, so it’s very possible that I simply WAS tired. I’ll have to try it again when I have more energy from the get go.

After about an hour and a half, I felt the heavier effects beginning to subside, and so I got ready for bed. Having gone to bed, I felt very comfortable, and fell asleep easily, which is something that is fairly uncommon for me. I listened to a podcast while falling asleep, and I recall, once again, the intro of the podcast (which is approx 1 minute) feeling like it lasted about 10 minutes.

I was also pleased that there was no hangover whatsoever, the next day. My throat was not sore, nor was my chest.

First impressions: I’d give it a 7 or 7.5 out of 10. I’ve been told by many that the first time you smoke, you don’t feel it as much, so I’m interested to see if my second attempt renders any different of an experience. I will post updates as they occur!