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And also coughing. Dangerously.

Donald J. Trump For President, Inc.

And then the sun breaks through the mire, and Trump, thumb uplifted like a chubby little sword fighting off the dark forces, proclaims he approves this message, letting us all know he's the man with the stamina, the fortitude and the $4 trucker hats that don't fit quite right who will take us into a new era of prosperity and/or bombing the shit out of strangers.

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I can't even make fun of his voice at the end of that self-parody of an ad, because he said, "I'm Donald Trump, and I approve this message" in the same tone of voice you'd use to mock your little brother. He's doing an impression of someone else doing a dumb impression of himself. He has written a parody paradox. And it's BULLSHIT!

This commercial is about six construction paper figures away from being the cold opening of a South Park episode. There's nary a nook nor cranny for me to ease into with a new joke. From the hamfisted weather-based imagery to Trump appearing to literally yell his approval at me, no stone has been left unturned by the man himself. He has shat upon my comedic prowess, and made a disgrace of the very idea that comedians may use his ill-conceived ads as fodder for more laughs. It's beating a very dead horse to even consider it.