RICHMOND, Va. — Reeking of various craft beers, a heavily intoxicated former Gov. Terry McAuliffe loudly yelled for someone to tell him who was running in the election, sources confirmed Tuesday. According to accounts, the former governor arrived at his polling location at 8:15 a.m., after pregaming earlier in the morning for approximately two hours.

“Who’s running in this bitch again?” McAuliffe drunkenly yelled through the line. “Old Morrissey? You mean that do-hiddley law guy who brought a gun to a meeting once? Aww shit!”

“Who is that punk running against again?” he added, with a heavy sour. “He’s not trying to take my spot on CNN, is he?”

McAuliffe continued to heckle Morrissey supporters until he reached the check-in table. When asked to show identification, McAuliffe reportedly screamed at an election volunteer that he would not have his vote cockblocked before offering an immediate slurred apology and producing his driver’s license from his sock.

After voting, McAuliffe hollered for an “I Voted” sticker before stumbling out of the building and projectile vomiting on a Chevrolet Impala in the parking lot.

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