— Staring out across the sunbathed pitch of Sahlen’s Stadium at WakeMed Soccer Park, Austin da Luz sees the stage for a soccer life.

“I played state cups on these fields from when I was a kid, all the way up through ACC and NCAA tournaments here in college,” da Luz says. “We won a national championship on this field, but it was also where I played my last game for Wake Forest when we lost to UVA in the College Cup. So the amount of memories here are a little overwhelming, but I guess that’s why it feels like home.”

Da Luz eventually made WakeMed Soccer Park home for his professional playing career in 2012, when he signed what he coyly describes as “an extremely modest contract” with the Carolina RailHawks. Eight seasons and over 175 games later for the RailHawks and North Carolina FC, da Luz says the 2019 campaign will be his last.

“It feels like I’ve taken this as far as it can go, for me personally,” da Luz said. “I’m excited about trying something new. I’ve gotten a little taste for the world outside of soccer doing some other things, and I’m excited to challenge myself and see where I can take that. At the same time, it’s terrifying. There are some days where I feel ready and prepared, and some days where I feel terrified and wholly unprepared.”

Truly unilateral retirements in pro soccer are a rarity. The end of a career is usually forced upon players, sometimes by injury and often following protracted slogs through lesser leagues and desperate searches for just one more contract. But no one is forcing da Luz out the door, and although he’s missed games this year with an injured foot, he says that isn’t a significant factor in his choice. For him, “it just feels like it’s time.”

“There are aspects of the job that have become a little more difficult and less enjoyable,” da Luz admits. “I still love to play and still enjoy being a part of a team and leading the team, but some of the day-to-day stuff, the travel, has become more of a grind. You don’t want to get to the point where you’re starting to resent the game, because I’m grateful for everything it’s given me, so I don’t want to get to the point where I’m an old, jaded pro. I want to go out enjoying it and getting everything I can out of these last couple of months.”

Even while remaining a mainstay for North Carolina FC, da Luz has pondered retirement for a couple of years. His production is down from last year’s standout season, which he admits figured into the decision to hang up his boots. However, the renewed success North Carolina FC is finally enjoying as a team this season has, ironically, given da Luz a degree of cover to finally step away.

“After last year, and for several years prior, you leave with a little bit of a bad taste in your mouth because you feel like it could have been more,” da Luz says. “Whereas this year I feel good about where the team is at. That’s not to say we’ve done anything yet, but the general vibe around the team and club is much improved. That gives me a sense of contentment and allows me to start thinking about what’s next.”

Prodigal soccer son

Born in San Diego, da Luz and his family moved to Winston-Salem in 1997 when his father, Tony da Luz, became head coach of the Wake Forest University women’s soccer team. Austin was 9 years old and already a soccer brat.

“My parents used to sit me out of games if I got yellow cards for dissent when I was a kid,” da Luz recalls. “[My on-field temper] has gone on forever, and despite my best efforts, it’s something I haven’t dealt well with.”

After finishing high school at a boarding school in Austin, Texas, da Luz matriculated at Wake Forest, where he was part of a standout soccer class that went to four straight College Cups and won the 2007 national championship in Cary. Drafted 14th overall in the 2010 MLS SuperDraft, he spent two seasons with the New York Bulls and DC United before washing out of MLS and nearly the sport. He knew then-RailHawks assistant coach Dewan Bader from his youth soccer days, and Bader extended da Luz a tryout.

“I wanted to be close to home,” da Luz says. “I wanted to be close to friends and family. I had sort of become disillusioned with the professional game because of the way things shook out in MLS. So I just needed to find that love and joy again playing the game.”

Da Luz quickly found his footing in Cary, becoming team captain in 2013. Yet in 2014, da Luz left to sign with Orlando City SC of USL, a club slated to join MLS the following season. Da Luz set a career high for goals and played significant minutes for Orlando, which won the USL regular season. But before Orlando could tell da Luz whether they wanted him to join their MLS squad, he told them he was returning to North Carolina.

“That year really clarified what I wanted out of this and what was important to me,” da Luz explains. “I spent that year away from my family and my now-wife. Aside from having a really great year on the field and being a part of a really special team, it brought into focus the things I felt I needed to be happy, on and off the field … It made clear to me that to be happy, I wanted to be a leader. I wanted to be a big part of the organization and a big part of the club. That wasn’t going to be the case in MLS, even if I was lucky enough to get back there.”

Austin’s activism

The Austin da Luz that returned to Carolina in late 2014 became more than a leader on the field. “I have a very vivid memory of sitting up in the middle of the night and watching the Ferguson riots and being just blown away that this was the United States. Upon further reflection, that was incredibly naive of me,” he said.

In early 2016, the North Carolina legislature passed House Bill 2 [HB2], a law restricting access to public bathrooms based on gender identity and preempting anti-discrimination ordinances passed by local communities. The law touched a nerve with da Luz, whose older brother is gay. Moreover, he knew it reflected poorly on his home state. Rather than idly fret, da Luz put action behind his angst, launching the Playing for Pride project in 2017 to serve as a vehicle for players and others around the sport of soccer to raise money for LGBTQ+ organizations. Over three seasons, Playing for Pride now has raised nearly $62,000 for Athlete Ally and the Human Rights Campaign.

“I feel pretty good with what we accomplished, not just financially but creating this space for players to use their voice,” da Luz says. “For me, the thing I’m most proud of is encouraging players and letting them know it’s OK to talk about these things and be politically active, although I don’t see this as a political issue.”

Organizing and running the project is essentially a one-man operation, save for da Luz’s sister-in-law, who took charge of its Instagram account. Still, da Luz laments that he didn’t do more and do it sooner.

“Coming to the end of [my career], I feel like I’ve done more outside the game than the average player, but I still feel like I’ve just wasted a ton of time,” da Luz says. “Players just have so much free time every day, so I can’t help but feel like I wasted too much of that not doing and learning enough.”

Last Friday, North Carolina FC flew to a road match in Memphis, Tenn. Da Luz ran into an old high school friend at RDU airport, and they began discussing the recent spate of mass shootings. Then, they happened to notice U.S. Senator Thom Tillis also boarding their flight.

“He’s a public servant, and it’s his responsibility to hear his constituents' opinions on issues,” da Luz said. “I probably could have delved a little deeper into my issues with his general worldview, but there wasn’t time. I said, ‘Good afternoon, senator. Are we going to get something done on gun control?’ He responded, ‘I’ve already endorsed it and now we’ve just got to sort it out.’ I have no idea what that means, but I told him we’d hold him to that and that we were watching.”

“I don’t think I was ever an ‘I don’t care’ type of person,” da Luz says. “It’s how much attention are you paying, and when you do pay more attention it becomes increasingly more difficult not to do something with those feelings. Once you start to engage with these issues, I find it very difficult to not react.”

Standing tall

Da Luz has dabbled in a post-playing career for several years, between marketing internships and starting Playing for Pride, which he hopes will continue whether he’s able to be involved or not. He knows he isn’t going to law school, like several of his past teammates. And he doesn’t want to coach soccer, a surprising admission for a soccer coach’s son.

“I don’t think about the game in a way that is conducive to being a good coach,” da Luz says. “If I decided I wanted to coach, that probably would have made it easier. I probably would have started my [coaching] licenses a few years back. But because I know that I don’t want to do that, right now anyway, maybe that’s making things more difficult.”

So, what is next for Austin da Luz?

“That’s a good question,” he responds. “I have no idea. I’ve been thinking a lot about that, and the question that people instinctively ask when you tell them you’re done playing is ‘What are you going to do?’ I’ve started to think too hard about that, and that question has become clothed in existential dread.

“I was basically born and raised on a field. Every decision I’ve made, from as long as I can remember until now, has been in relation to this game. So the prospect of that not being the case anymore is a little overwhelming.”

There’s a chronological dissonance when it comes to our view of athletes. In soccer, you’re old at age 30. But for everyone else, thirtysomethings are just entering the heart of adulthood. They have their whole lives ahead of them, and that’s the realization da Luz is embracing. He knows he wants to remain in the Triangle. He and his wife know they want to start a family. And he knows he’s ready to embark on the next phase of his life.

Da Luz harbors few regrets in his soccer career. (He wishes he had joined TSA PreCheck, although he won’t miss the travel – ”It’s gotten a bit old.”) What da Luz will miss is just playing: the thrill of stepping on the field, the rush of being part of a team of skilled teammates unified by a single aim. The diminutive da Luz took pride in his uncanny amount of header goals, often scored using skill and guile at the expense of towering defenders. But as durable and dedicated as he was on the field, da Luz stood tallest off of it, in word and deed.

Asked how he’d like to be remembered by the fans, da Luz has one word: “Fondly.”

“I think I figured out early on that soccer on this level is not just about the soccer,” da Luz says. “If it were just about the soccer for fans, they would probably stay home and watch the English Premier League. When people come here, they want an experience and a connection to the players, coaches and the club as a whole. I hope fans feel a connection to me and feel like they know me. I’ve tried to strengthen that connection over the years, and I hope they feel it the same way I do.”