SAN DIEGO—Calling the naiveté of the human resources coordinator “absolutely priceless,” office bad boy Ryan Millstein on Wednesday reportedly saw right through a series of team-building exercises. “They honestly believe I’ll learn to rely on my peers more after a few trust falls—that is so goddamn rich,” said the rebel, who stood, arms crossed, while his coworkers tossed around a bean bag and offered two truths and a lie about themselves upon catching it, thereby haplessly buying into the “entire fucking corporate charade.” “Am I really the only one who knows that the so-called strategic thinking skills of Zip Zap Zop are utterly worthless? Seriously, you have to be some kind of sucker to not realize that the Blindfolded Puzzle Challenge isn’t gonna teach you squat about collaborating to solve a complex problem.” At press time, Millstein was participating in a rousing game of telephone, which he insisted was for fun and not for any lessons about listening and communicating accurately.

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