NORTH CARTHAGE, MO—Seemingly oblivious to what was going on outside of his home just a few feet away, sources confirmed Tuesday that the main character in a thriller film was completely unaware of the hundreds of reporters that had descended upon his front lawn until the very moment he opened the front door. “You’d think he would have heard one of the many satellite vans that pulled up onto the grass and gone to investigate what the noise was,” said eyewitness Max Pearson, admitting he was curious as to how the flashes from cameras, the lights from film crews, or the roar of news helicopters flying overhead could be so easily missed by the protagonist who was equally bewildered after having just discovered his name plastered all over the news. “I understand that as a piece of fiction there is a reasonable suspension of belief expected, but they think I’m gonna buy that he hasn’t looked out the window once, even on accident, all while his wife’s murder is being investigated?” At press time, the protagonist was enjoying the tranquil silence after shutting the door.

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