Video By the New York Times:

“On the Internet, white people outsource their emotional labor to black people.”

In general these days, a lot of black people feel like they deserve to get an intellectual property rights check every month for the black race inventing amusing stuff like saying “dayummmm” and that thing black women used to do where they move their faces sideways like a chicken while snapping their fingers. (Warning: most of the examples I can think of off the top of my head come from watching In Living Color a quarter of a century ago. I imagine black people have been inventing news things since then, but if a first generation Wayans didn’t do it, I don’t know about it.) Maybe, personally, they didn’t invent any colorful thing that went viral, but racially they did, so they deserve money.

Overall, a lot of Late Obama Age identity politics intellectualizing is driven by this feeling that you ought to be getting a monthly check sized to reflect how many intersectional Pokemon Points you have.

Look, let me explain this in simple terms: if you want to play “All I Want for Christmas Is You” at your retail store, you owe Mariah Carey and her co-composer money. But it would be too complicated to figure out who invented what for every single GIF on the Internet, so each black person should just get a check each month from the Internet.

P.S. According to the NYT, “whiteness” is represented by mayonnaise (2:33).