Queen Moon was seventeen when she used her wand to ice her Giggle Water. Giggle Water was an enchanted alcoholic drink on Mewni, it was dry and spicy. The Queen liked it and had mastered not giggling after taking her sips. Moon was drinking to celebrate clearing monsters from her kingdom. They could take up swamps, deserts,caves; really anywhere as long as they clung to shadows and were far away from her people. Though she knew some people doubted her for the vice of youth she was proving to be a very serious queen. Queen Moon impressed the High Council with her take-no-jokes attitude. The people feared her and while Moon loved them she felt cool for being feared. Moon became the pride of her family.

The Butterfly family had already been the most arrog-honorable family of Mewni and strived for the cream of the corn's top.

"You've grown quite lovely, Moon." Aunt Etheria said as she stood behind Moon. She snapped her fingers and a servant gave Moon a tiara made of sparkling stardust.

"Count Mildrew speaks of that fact very often."

"Yes Aunt Etheria, you've mentioned that many times." Moon said as she strung pearls into her pale-blue hair.

"He is a fine boy, my girl. Since we're just chatting away I may inform you that I took out your father's needle." Aunt Etheria said while she pointed to a crooked hair over her ear. A servant tucked the loose hair against the rest of smooth pile or violet.

The marriage needle was the tool that would imprint a forever bond between spouses. Its enchanted ink written on the skin would seep into the blood and make the connection permanent. A servant brought the needle in its glass cubical casing, it rested on white petals.

Moon flinched, "I beg your pardon, Aunt Etheria but my father's things are private."

"Pssh. No need to blush, my young queen. Consider examining it before deciding where to place it next." The eldest Butterfly said before excusing herself out of the room.

The silver needle was engraved with insect-wing vertebra pattern. Moon felt aggravated by her aunt's pushing, how dare she tell a queen how to live! On the other glove, just the sight of the sharp point put Moon in a romantic mood. She wasn't a frivolous person, she rarely believed the hokum of happy endings and eternal bubble love like other seventeen-year-olds. Bubbles pop, love fades and it's best to make a good bargain instead of choosing by gooey feelings.

And yet...despite all rational thinking and self preservation Moon took the glass cube in her hands. She let grow the sweetness of her silly affections. She desired to have an fuller life.

A week later, to her aunt's delight, Moon hosted a ball. She was wearing the widest, most dazzling dress she had made only for that night. On the outside she was cool as cucumbers, on the inside she was a stamped of warnicorns. Tonight she had to ask, not demand, and while certain she'd get a 'yes' Moon was nervous about changing her life.

Count Mildrew was in a corner, long hair flowing, writing a poem about his feelings. Moon looked forwarded to not seeing that one except in minimal social events. In the opposite direction River Johansen of the Johansen clan was suffering to fake interest in Lady Dawnson's chatting. River could not understand why a woman would stuff her head full of feathers when she was in a perfectly warm and crowded ballroom. Moon enjoyed seeing River far more than anyone else. He was funny and odd, which was new and strangely delightful.

Over a feather River saw an arrow made of blue smoke. He excused himself and followed the next arrow out of the ballroom, then onto the castle's balcony.

The smoke lead him to the glowing crystal-heart of Queen Moon's wand. Queen Moon against the night sky... nothing was prettier. She was like medium rare pork covered in honey. River missed his home kingdom almost not at all when Moon was around.

"Your highness, I compliment the choice of bacon. It almost tastes like real zebirou." River said sitting on the marble bench."And I've spent many a cold night with those bros."

Moon wanted to sit next to him. She wanted to brag about where she found the imitation corn-based zebirou meat because the tale would make River would laugh. She liked his barkish laugh. She wanted to hold his short square body in her arms and snuggle against his blonde stubble. Moon, you're not an animal, do what mewmans do in civil society.

"River, I consider you to be my dearest friend." Moon began.

River inhaled and smiled widely, "Uh huh." She's leaving me in the friend-barn, I want to die.

"You know me in the most personal way and know that my first priority is the people of Mewni. I strive to lead them into a grander future," Moon said so business-like and with her arms behind her back, "I must achieve this with the right people. River."

"Just let me have the axe before I jump off this balcony." River said, his eyes dewing.

"River, you're letting your sensitivity cloud your better judgement." Moon said, "However, I must admit, I like your gift of flexible feelings."

She placed the glass casing into his muscular hands. His eyes glistened and his dimpling grin cemented her decision.

"River, I would honored if you'd be my king." Moon said, allowing her love to shine in her eyes. River made a squeaking bird noise and nodded. Moon allowed the corners of her mouth to raise as she unclenched the latch of her family heirloom. River squealed at the marriage needle then grabbed Moon's waist. He stood on the bench and dipper her to make the perfect night a little bit sweeter. Moon let herself dip into foolishness and kissed him back. The needle's casing between them which she loosely held with her elbows as she held his shoulders.

She felt lighter than air, then Moon realized a servant had lifted her shoes. The servant was attempting to carry her away from her fiance, "Put me down." She said flatly.

"I say!" River said as he pushed the servant down and took the standing Moon's hand. "Mine now."

"Absolutely not." Aunt Etheria said, her glare on River.

He rolled his eyes, "Old toad with a wig."

"Rotten barbarian!"

The aunt zipped her lip when Moon glared with a blizzard.

"Auntie, I am your queen. My word is law and my law will unite me with the man I love with or without your blessing."

River held his head high as he escorted Moon into the castle. He would've paid almost anything to wink and stick his tongue out at Etheria. Anything was not everything and Moon saying she loved him was everything he could dream. Not to mention, he was going to be king! Happy day!

"No." The viking with the missing front teeth and brass knuckle said.

Shocked, furious and a bit saddened Moon heard this word from the chief of her fiance's tribe. She walked around the burly men that blocked her from the Johansen throne. "Sir, may I inquire why you'd deny me the pleasure of your company."

Chief Thud Johansen made a raspberry noise as he threw an axe towards his nephew's head. River didn't mind the axe, he wanted something to throw at his cousins for chuckling at his attire. He didn't enjoy the fru-fru outfits Moon liked but he very much liked standing at her side with pride.

"Respect, your highness, but you're a stiff. River won't be happy." Chief Thud said.

"I don't want happiness, I want my Moon." The young Johansen told his uncle. He grabbed a chair and threw it at Thud's head. The Cheif took the blow without a blink.

Moon scolded, "That didn't sound quite right." She spoke up, "Your majesty, I am to wed River and as his family I request your attendance."

In a dove's beak there was a lacy invitation to RSVP.

"Baah!" Chief Thud laughed the dove against a wall. The rest of the hairy Johansens laughed like bears and shook the stained rugs under Moon's feet. She did not falter.

River went to her side, "Rats they all are, my love we can go away and marry in a sunnier dimension with less idiots around!"

"We are marrying in Mewni with all of our circles included." Moon said with steel in her eyes. "Whether by their will or not is up to me."

Seeing his oh-so formal darling sound so vicious made him affectionate. River giggled and kissed her gloved hands.

Oustide Moon castle there was a mountain. Five members of the Butterfly family met with four members of the Johansen family. Aunt Etheria, cousins Dorawreathe, Birchward, Fluttersnow and Peggy were there in their fanciest outdoor clothes. Chief Thud, grandmother Spike, cousins Blunt and Lump came in no more than fresh-fur over their backs and groins. The groups sneered at one another, thinking the worse of the polar identities.

A trumpet sounded and introduced an open carriage with Moon and River. They had a servant named Manfred hold three flags. River held up Moon's gloved hand as they walked out.

"What is this then, Queen Cousin?" Birchward asked, his handkerchief at his nose.

"A slight inconvenient truth. None of you wish to attend my wedding." Moon announced.

Dorawreathe raised a limp finger, "We would if it were to someone else. Like, anyone else."

"Ditto!" Lump yelled and the vikings punched the air.

A lightning blast from Moon's wand silenced the yelling.

"I propose a wager to you all, whomever may reach the top of that hill," Moon pointed to the elementally furious mountain, "may choose mine and River's fate."

The Butterflies exchanged secretive glances while the Johnansens slapped one another's chests. "And I promise to resist using my wand." Moon said, she held it in both hands then let it disappear.

"The starting line is here," Manfred said from his floating chair and bejeweled microphone. "Ready?" Fluttersnow held a handy little flamethrower under her corset. A handy potion had Blunt grow two extra fists on his original fists. He was excited to break some dollish faces.

Moon leaned down to hold River's cheek. Her first layer was cold and beautiful, the second layer was hopeful and frightened. River held her hand to his face.

The couple stared at one another while shot went off. Their ravenous family members ran past them. River stared at Moon while he smiled, "Let's give them a five minute head start."

At the time Moon found it very romantic that she and her fiance could bury anyone that dare come between them. She unleashed her wings and flew over their heads and wigs. River outran and out-punched all that stood in his way. Relatives or not they didn't stand a chance. There was satisfaction in placing their flag together while everyone else laid mangled.

Barely a year later Queen Moon and King River hosted a party in the castle with their combined families. This time was to celebrate the healthy birth of their newborn princess.

"She smiles so often, is she unwell?" Aunt Etheria asked looking over her great-niece.

Cousin Lump pushed forward to offer the baby-size hatchet. "Baby Star's already owning life better than you!"

There began an argument between in-laws. Princess Star was held in a plush baby carriage with two guards at her side. Moon covered her daughter's ears when the family began using slurs in their heated conversation.

Moon looked sourly at the bickering. She then looked down at the baby's cheerful cooing. The queen was glad to see her offspring grin with her eyes the same way her husband did. Moon was less frothy when her King took baby Star out of her safe zone.

"Pumpkin, come with Papa, swing from the chandelier. We can look down on Momma's family." He poked his daughter's tiny hands then whispered, "And throw candy into their hairs."

Note: My theory of Mewni Marriage is getting tattooed with magic ink. In Moon and River's case they chose half moons that swirled like clouds placed directly over their hearts. It glows an effervescent periwinkle. They feel it every single second of the day.