by Douglas Haddow | Yesterday, the VAG revealed three possible plans for its redesign of the North Plaza and called for public input on the options it presented. One of the plans is called “WET”. And as the all-caps indicates, it’s totally wet, even wetter than normal Vancouver-grade wet.

The concept drawing (above) shows a group of children cheerfully playing in the pouring, freezing rain – a delightful, life-affirming vignette overflowing with a joie de vivre that has not once and never will transpire in this giant clammy cistern we call home.

As described in the document provided by the city: “Materially, is a large rectangle of special paving stones which would rest on hidden pedestals within a shallow void under the plaza. The paving stones would be carefully designed to have very slight variations in level – enough to create different patterns of water accumulation, while still maintaining a comfortable surface to walk on.”

Or in layman’s terms: there’s gonna be a bunch of puddles.

The design team also “imagines the inclusion of scattered misting spouts and small water jets within the paving field,” so that even when it’s not raining, it’s raining, just in case 161 days of rain isn’t enough for those citizens who prefer to be moist at all times.

This is either a brilliant, counterintuitive approach to an urban landscape famous for its glut of precipitation, or a rather crude joke slipped into the design process by some clever intern.

On the other hand, the sprinklers would provide the police with a convenient and non-violent method of dispersing protests, which should keep VPD overtime pay down; in turn providing much-needed funding for other unsheltered public space projects that are completely useless half the year.