With each passing week, Gundy’s mullet continues to gain sentience. Once each tentacle rooted firmly in his brain stem, it was only a matter of time before it gained complete control. T. Boone Pickens saw it first, "Mike doesn’t handle people relationships very well." Once the social skills went, it was all downhill from there. He stopped showering. He tore the sleeves off all his shirts. He campaigned for Trump. The transformation was complete.

We’ve all seen it before. Hogan. Agassi. Swayze. This guy. It’s time to do the only humane thing left. Put ‘er down. Luckily for the Longhorns we have thunder in the backfield and lightning in the slot. Euphemisms aside, the Horns will come out swinging like your parents in the 1980s. Euphemisms aside, after a tough defeat and with an extra week to marinate, the Horns are itching to get back out and prove that Notre Dame isn’t an absolute steaming pile of Brian Kelly’s what-you-get-when-you-eat-Cici’s-Pizza

Welcome to Big 12 play Longhorn fans. It’s a nine game stretch that either ends at the gallows or the seat of glory atop the #1 conference in all the land. Many people are saying the Big 12 will get 3 of the 4 playoff spots this year. Yuuge. The SEC even fired Les Miles just to lure Tom Herman away so the Big 12 dominance can’t grow even further. Teams across the nation are fighting tooth and nail to try to join us. The mighty Bearcats, Cougars, the other Cougars, and, well, basically you just have to have a feline mascot. That said, the Pokes are no pussycats. Euphemisms aside, Texas will have their hands full this weekend going up against the most famous reindeer of all.

Meow. Meow. Go Big 12. Hook ‘em.

OSU has finally passed longtime nemesis Lost Creek Safari for the #1 thing to do in Stillwater. They still may be #200 academically, but it's an achievement.

Technically, NouveauBevo is still undefeated. Long may he reign.

People who have money at stake are interested in both reviving the UT-Aggie rivalry and having it take place at the very sensible Texas Motor Speedway. Pshh, NASCAR? Like Texas would agree to the Aggies having home-field advantage.

Depression swept across the nation Monday as the Presidential debate showcased the two stiff, plastic politicians leading the current Presidential race.

Charlie Strong’s Other-Team-That-He-Gets-Credit-For-The-Good-Things has made preseason trendy "doesn’t end in abama" National Championship pick Clemson a 2-point home dog. This would be a big win for Charlie.

Ed Orgeron has been announced as LSU’s interim head coach. At the time of publication, we are unable to confirm how Colonel Reb feels about that.

Anthony Fera ended his career as an All-American, holder of a few Longhorn records, and a pretty excellent transfer from Penn State. I think we all still feel confident in saying: we got the wrong kicker.

CowpokémonGo: Any fans interested in rounding out their Pokémon collection on that app they haven't opened in 6 weeks while on the trip to a new location may be disappointed. The city of Stillwater, like the OSU team, is basically full of annoyingly persistent Rattatas and an offensive line of 450 pound Raticates.

Victory!

The Pregamer returns to its unassailable throne:

Bye Week's over. Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now!

Better Know a Roster

The lesser of the state's Big-2 (though Fenves says Tulsa is nice any time of year), there is no lack of name talent, no matter what the product on the field yields.

Calvin Bundage (LB, Fr.) - Gundy HAD to offer him a scholarship, if only to justify his search history to his wife. "No, no, it was a typo! I thought his last name was spelt with an ‘O’! How was I to know that his daddy’s name is Calvin! I was thinking it...that's why I searched Leather Daddy!"

- Gundy HAD to offer him a scholarship, if only to justify his search history to his wife. "No, no, it was a typo! I thought his last name was spelt with an ‘O’! How was I to know that his daddy’s name is Calvin! I was thinking it...that's why I searched Leather Daddy!" Lenzy Pipkins (CB, R-Sr.) - I'm pretty sure that Dr. Pepper guy predicted he'd be the MVP of that 1954 Cotton Bowl.

- I'm pretty sure that Dr. Pepper guy predicted he'd be the MVP of that 1954 Cotton Bowl. Amen Ogbongbemiga (LB, Fr.) - [after the excessively long dinner prayer] "Amen." [Then to make sure all are still awake, [shouted:] "OGBONGBEMIGA."

- [after the excessively long dinner prayer] "Amen." [Then to make sure all are still awake, [shouted:] "OGBONGBEMIGA." Keondre Wudtee (QB, Fr.) - Yup, in my Wudtee.

- Yup, in my Wudtee. Matthew Mucha (OL, R-So.), Madre Harper (CB, Fr.), Zach Sinor (P, R-So.) - "Mucha Madre, Siñor" would definitely get you stabbed where I grew up.

- "Mucha Madre, Siñor" would definitely get you stabbed where I grew up. Barry J. Sanders (RB, R-Sr.) - The rare "Stanford-to-Oklahoma State" graduate transfer that academically screams "I did four years of real school and NOW I want to play beer pong and stuff"

- The rare "Stanford-to-Oklahoma State" graduate transfer that academically screams "I did four years of real school and NOW I want to play beer pong and stuff" Justice Hill (RB, Fr.) - What women have taken to calling the hill behind that more famous El Paso Hill, where reciprocation is performed. (300% less populated)

- What women have taken to calling the hill behind that more famous El Paso Hill, where reciprocation is performed. (300% less populated) Ry Schneider (OL, Fr.) - From Minco, Oklahoma. You’re telling me this guy has never opened for Turnpike Troubadours?

- From Minco, Oklahoma. You’re telling me this guy has never opened for Turnpike Troubadours? Chad Whitener (LB, R-Jr.) - Let’s be honest, no matter how hard you try there is no way to further whiten a ‘Chad.’

- Let’s be honest, no matter how hard you try there is no way to further whiten a ‘Chad.’ Sam Walkingstick (LS, R-Fr.) - The hobbit Frodo should have picked.

- The hobbit Frodo should have picked. Dillon Stoner (WR, Fr.) - Bloodshot eyes. Full Pipes. Can’t lose.

- Bloodshot eyes. Full Pipes. Can’t lose. Tariq Bitson (WR, Fr.) - The more urban retelling of "Charlie Bit Me" didn't go quite viral.

ShenanAnagrams:

Mike Gundy:

Id Nuke Gym

Kidney Mug

Kid Men Guy

Mud Keying

Edgy in muk

Free Associating - Pokelahoma:

Refs! Alan Eck in the NFL! Poona Ford gets penalized for defensive holding (and bowing)! Wickline! Punters! Nothing bad every happens after losing a very close game to Cal the week prior! THE VY Pumpfake!