Yeah, in all seriousness, how do you even begin to handle superchildren.

I mean, if you go and tell Jack or Abigail or Crime or Santa Jalter “hey, pipe down, it’s bedtime, let’s go tuck y’all in bed” and they say “how about no” and then they do the YMCA dance, the polar opposite of bedtime, then bedtime is never. What are you gonna do, pick them up and carry them? You don’t even have a Buster chain, punk, each of them can just defenestrate you should they desire to. Are you going to be forceful? There’s literally nothing you can do other than firmly grasp that L.

That’s why Guda is, effectively, the strongest character in the Nasuverse, bar none: Guda says “It’s bedtime” and you bet your tonsil that those Heroic Spirits are now in their corny PJs and [Tucked The Fuck In A+] ready for Guda to tell them about the Wizard of fucking Oz. Not even the Chaldea System can find a timeline in which someone doesn’t go to bed when Guda says so. They tried to find one and the Director had to remolecularize for 3 seconds to say “STOP IT, YOU’RE OVERLOADING THE SYSTEM” before going back to not being molecules, they almost overloaded the whole system, it was THIS close to becoming a Lostbelt. NO ONE say no to The Master of Masters.

You think that’s just with children? Guda saying “it’s bedtime” is a hard counter to Enuma Elish. That shit STOPS spinning, plain and simple, and that blonde jackass just comes down and accepts his Fate/Stay In Bed. Sometimes he says “NO MONGREL ORDERS ME ARO–” and then immediately shuts up because Guda just makes this face “:/…” and that is a spearhead that cuts deeper than any of the myriad weapons in Gil’s immense vault. He adds an ornate, golden L to his collection that night and then cries himself asleep because his attitude just locked him out of tonight’s chapter of the Wizard of Oz and he really wanted to see what happens next, good job, fool, that’s what you get for challenging something far bigger than yourself.

And Beast’s Lair will hire a deep web hitman for what I’m about to say, but Guda could massacre Arcueid just by telling her that it’s bedtime. What’s she gonna do, make it so it’s not bedtime by tampering with time, reality, and causality itself using a Reality Marble? Yeah, that sounds about right, but that won’t make it not bedtime because it is in Guda’s heart, and that’s the metric that truly matters. She, too, clings tightly to that L, shuts the Sudden Shark off, and wonders about where the yellow brick road will take her today.

And before you ask, no, Shiki can’t kill bedtime, shut up.

It’s bedtime.