Summary

What they said “You could write this more active.” What it means “I’m falling asleep here! Use a more punchy, quick narrative!” Applicable to Action scenes, rising tension.

Notes to self

It’s not only about using active over passive voice, but also getting rid of glue words, using punchier verbs, and using shorter and quicker sentences. Mind punctuation signs; em dash, commas, semicolon, period—they all represent different “pause levels.” Always read out-loud, or use a text-to-speech reader to measure the sentence flow.

Example

Before

After

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