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Most people know that we build powerful business intelligence dashboards here at RJMetrics, but now that we’ve moved to Camden, we figured we ought to take advantage of the long weekend and make a rap video as well. (Unfortunately, the odds are stacked against us– Jake’s favorite rapper is Bo Burnham and I’m so tone deaf that I crashed the auto-tune plugin when we recorded this song.)

Anyway, in what may prove to be the dumbest PR move ever, we decided to augment our dope beats with some unsolicited free advice to tech startups. This was our chance to point out some of the most absurd startup behavior over the past few years. We should know–most of these lines are based on things we’ve done.

Lyrics are below the video. Enjoy!

Big thanks to Adamack from Open Minds Entertainment for the beat, John Keating for his help with the vocals, and my brother James Moore for the studio time and production.

Click Here to download the MP3

Lyrics after the jump.