I recently attended the funeral of a friend, and I was struck by a comment from the celebrant there: “everyone leaves in the middle of their story.” I had never looked at death that way, but I now realize it is true. Our story ends when we die, even if we think we have more to do or say. Even though I know I will leave this planet- someday- I never visualized it as my own story ending.

I am a planner. My plans don’t always work out according to my outline, but it gives me comfort to “believe” that I have some say in their outcome. I have plans for my life and for its various chapters. It struck me that I may not have as many as I think I need, and there definitely will not be a sequel.

It is ironic that the celebrant’s statement would hit me so hard, as I work in the aging network, head a committee on ageism and author a blog on the subject. However, the concept of a book ending made me realize that there will be no new chapters in my own when I die.

Working with an elderly population brings me into contact with many older individuals, although to some, I am the elder. The philosopher, Henri Nouwen, writes in his Aging-The Fulfillment of Life that “care for the aging, more often than not, means confronting all men and women with their illusion of immortality out of which the rejection of old age comes forth. Care for the aging, after all, means care for all ages, since all human beings- whether they are ten, thirty, fifty or eighty years old- are participating in the same process of aging.”

Nouwen captures the scariness of it all. Ageism is the fear of our own mortality and death- and it affects everyone. Almost all prejudice is based on fear, and the truth of our mortality impacts all of us regardless of race, color, creed or sexual orientation. Nouwen writes that getting older is often painful. “Millions of elderly are left alone, and the end of their cycle becomes a source of bitterness and despair.” He cautions that “there is a temptation to make aging into a problem of the elderly and to deny our human solidarity in this most human process. Maybe we have been trying hard to silence the voices of those who remind us of our own destiny.”

But not all is gloom and doom as we witness the lives of those around us. Nouwen encourages us to use humor as part of what can be a scary process. He writes, “humor is knowledge with a soft smile…knowledge with a soft smile is a great gift.” If we laugh at ourselves in our life situations, we begin to realize that all is temporary. We begin to acknowledge that this too shall pass. As we gain the age of reason and beyond, it seems that those who grasp this truth are able to move on gently with grace to the next experience- even death.