Toni Bentley has written a memoir about her three-year experience of sexual awakening via anal intercourse with a man. Like most sexual memoirists, Bentley claims our attention with the more or less tacit premise that she has transgressed custom, morality, or received opinion—in her case, by finding liberation in being in a “demeaning” submissive role in her sadomasochistic recreational affair. In order to find Bentley’s story compelling, the reader (whether neocon, ur-feminist, or third-waver) must grant that such an arrangement is somehow shocking. Given that the most likely audience for Bentley’s book veers to the left, the intended surprising counterintuition is that her “subjugation” through anal sex was satisfying for her. She did not turn the tables of paternalism with a large purple strap-on. But is there any way—scientifically, we mean—to prove that anal sex is unfair to women? We speak of equal opportunity. Let us examine a woman’s opportunities for penetration.

For the purposes of this chart, “woman” and “man” are defined chromosomally and developmentally, i.e., XX-chromosomed postpubescent Homo sapiens and XY-chromosomed postpubescent Homo sapiens respectively. “Unmediated” shall be understood to mean via one’s own body parts, without the aid of an instrument or substance topical, inserted, or ingested. “Possible” shall be construed as “achievable within the conceivable limits of bilaterally symmetrical physiques typical of each of the two sex categories” (some hearsay considered). “Fair-“ness, QED, shall be constituted in an equal number of penetrative opportunities for all. Now, then.

Possible Unmediated Penetrative Acts, As Actor Women Men Finger(s) in own mouth ✓ ✓ Finger(s) in other’s mouth ✓ ✓ Finger(s) in own ear ✓ ✓ Finger(s) in other’s ear ✓ ✓ Finger(s) in own nose ✓ ✓ Finger(s) in other’s nose ✓ ✓ Finger(s) in own vagina ✓ N/A Finger(s) in own asshole ✓ ✓ Finger(s) in other’s asshole ✓ ✓ Tongue in other’s mouth ✓ ✓ Tongue in other’s ear ✓ ✓ Tongue in own nose ✓ ✓ Tongue in other’s nose ✓ ✓ Tongue in own vagina ✓ ✓ Tongue in other’s vagina ✓ ✓ Tongue in other’s asshole ✓ ✓ Breast(s) in own mouth ✓ N/A Breast(s) in other’s mouth ✓ N/A Breast(s) in other’s ear ✓ N/A Breast(s) in other’s vagina ✓ N/A Breast(s) in other’s asshole ✓ N/A Penis in own mouth N/A ✓ Penis in other’s mouth N/A ✓ Penis in own ear N/A ✓ Penis in other’s ear N/A ✓ Penis in own nose N/A ✓ Penis in other’s nose N/A ✓ Penis in other’s vagina N/A ✓ Penis in own asshole N/A ✓ Penis in other’s asshole N/A ✓ “Docking” N/A ✓ Clitoris in own mouth ✓ N/A Clitoris in other’s mouth ✓ N/A Clitoris in other’s ear ✓ N/A Clitoris in other’s nose ✓ N/A Clitoris in other’s vagina ✓ N/A Clitoris in other’s asshole ✓ N/A Head out of other’s vagina ✓ ✓

Total: 29 26

Conclusion: Yes, more than fair.

Therefore: What surrender?

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