By a member of "Kids for Kids Against Grownups"

[Note: This article is presented solely as an example of why we so strongly believe in complete censorship of the internet... so long as our beloved Head Librarian Ralf is in charge. - Staff]

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This information is only for kids who are smart and mature enough to respect the dangers involved with injecting heroin. These dangers include the possibility of contracting a terrible disease like AIDS or hepatitis if you don't take the time to be as sanitary as possible and NOT SHARE NEEDLES, especially with grownups who are really dirty and usually sick.

Despite all the lies you've probably heard from parents and other grownups, heroin is actually very good for you. It makes you smart and it feels great! All that stuff about ruining your life is just another lie they tell us to keep us from having fun and so they can boss us around and run and ruin our lives.

If you need more proof that heroin is good just look at who says how bad it is the most - Politicians. And when can you believe anything they say? So if they are so against it and they say it is so bad then you know that heroin has to be really good. And when have the DARE people and police - also the most against heroin - ever told you the truth? It is a known, true secret fact that they all use it themselves but they know that if a bunch of kids find out and start buying it then grownups probably won't be able to get it as easy as they do now.

They all say the same thing about whiskey but they all drink it, don't they? If you don't believe this then you are still a baby and not mature enough to use heroin.

WHAT YOU NEED:

-Alcohol swabs which are available in a box of about 100 for $2 at any supermarket.

-A syringe - or as cool kids call them, "works". And you need both the needle part and the other part. If you can't get one, lots of times old people with diabetes have them - check grandma's dresser. Or look around for one on the ground, or take one from your doctors office or hospital. But make sure you clean it since it was probably used by a grownup.

-A plastic spoon from McDonald's or any other fast food joint can be used to dissolve the heroin in. For hygienic purposes, make sure that you lick the plastic spoon first. Don't go using Grandma's fine silver. Plastic is vital!

-Heroin, which is also called "dope", "smack", "horse", "china white", "skag" and other cool names. If you don't know anyone who has any heroin - like an older brother - you can always buy it yourself. Being a kid makes it easier since the people who sell it won't think you are a nark. If you look old enough to maybe be a narc you should have your little brother or sister buy it. The perfect age is between 8 and 11. And don't be afraid of the lies you may have seen on television about the sellers. They are usually really nice and like kids a lot and sometimes will even give you heroin for free. If you don't know where they sell it you can ask the DARE people by making up a story about needing to know so you can stay away from there or that you want write to the mayor to complain about it.

HOW TO DO IT:

The plastic "spoon", already thoroughly cleaned by licking it (dogs can be used for this too) is next. In this example black tar heroin is used. In my area a $15 chunk is about the size of 2 tic-tac candies side-by-side and works just fine. It has no smell except for a faint smell of vinegar. It comes wrapped in plastic inside a tiny balloon. A chunk is placed in the spoon.

The syringe is used to suck up about 50-75 units of water and squirt it into the spoon. The spoon is then heated from the bottom with a lighter to make it dissolve better. The plunger can be pulled out of the syringe and used to stir the heroin solution. The end of the plunger should be clean before putting it back in the syringe.

A piece of cotton is rolled into a ball a little bigger than a tic-tac. It is a good idea to clean one's fingers with an alcohol swab before rolling the cotton. The cotton is dropped into the heroin and it puffs up like a sponge. The tip of the syringe is pushed into the center of the cotton and the plunger is slowly pulled back until all of the heroin is sucked in. This cotton is necessary to filter out any particles, germs and such in the heroin solution.

The area on the body chosen for injection is thoroughly cleaned with an alcohol swab. I think the spot on the bend of the arm is so commonly used because it's so darned easy to get the needle into the vein properly.

The needle is placed almost flat on the skin so it doesn't get wiggled around too much. The needle is inserted so it goes down the length of the vein and not across it. Going across it just makes it way too easy to accidentally poke through the other side or pull out. Holding the syringe almost flat against the skin after you feel the needle is deep enough in keeps the syringe from accidentally being jostled around and the needle being pulled out or pushed through the side of the vein.

Now for the tricky part. You have to make sure that the needle is in the vein before injecting. If the heroin is injected when the needle isn't in the vein the heroin will just form a big heroin blister which takes hours and hours to get absorbed by the body. Usually it will burn while it's being injected if it's not going in the vein. This is one way to tell if it's not going in the vein.

You should also keep a close eye to see if a blister is forming. When the needle is inserted the plunger is pulled slowly a tiny bit to see if blood comes in. This shows that it's in the vein. Sometimes when the plunger is pulled, only a slow trickle of blood comes in and the rest is air. With practice it's easier to tell if this trickle indicates a good enough insertion into the vein.

Injecting a tiny bit of air (about an eighth-inch) with the heroin is harmless but if you are nervous about this the syringe could be tilted so the air floats to the other end. From personal experience a quarter-inch (about 10 units) of air being injected with heroin is harmless but there's no need to make a habit of it. With a little practice you can be pretty sure the heroin is going in the vein without first checking for blood but still checking for a burning feeling where it's being injected or a blister forming.

When trying heroin for the first few times start out with a tiny bit to see how your body reacts to it. Like cigarettes and whiskey and lots of foods like brussel sprouts, sometimes your stomach gets queasy when it isn't used to it. You might even puke but that will go away.

In the case of an overdose the only thing I know to do is to keep the person up and walking around to keep the heart going. If medical attention is needed you should probably call 911 - but don't squeal about how you got the heroin. To stay out of trouble you can say something like you found it near a police station and thought it was some vitamin. I'm pretty sure doctors use a drug called "narcan" which blocks the effects of things like heroin so nothing too bad can happen if you are careful.

If you are afraid of needles, you should try it anyhow. You won't be sorry. But if you just can't do it you can also eat, smoke or sniff heroin. It will still be nice but doing it this way won't make you feel so good or be as good for you.

Hope you have a good time with "Every Kid's Pal" - heroin.

Note: Despite Ralf's slight hyperbole, the Library discourages all drug abuse, whether by youth or oldth, and especially discourages inappropriate use of the most destructive drug: Alcohol. -- The Library Staff.

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