At The Ubyssey, we feel it is important to shield yourself from criticism at all costs. Imagine if someone were to speak out against you, and you couldn't get them to stop, no matter how much you resemble a second-rate Bond villain?

You'd need to do some serious damage control. That's why it's important to hold your meetings in such a way that a student journalist could never stumble upon them by accident. With that in mind, we've compiled our best solutions for the problem on everyone's mind: "Where will we hold our next secret meeting?"

The steam tunnels

On top of the clock tower

The now-empty Norman Mackenzie House

The old Ubyssey office

John Montalbano's volcano lair

In the middle of the UBC Farm, dressed as scarecrows

The Aquatic Centre gym

In separate cafes, over walkie-talkies

Greenheart Canopy Walkway

The UBC ropes course

The room in John Montalbano's house dedicated to his collection of Persian cats, paintings of Persian cats, and cartoonishly high-backed chairs

By utilizing trained owls and coded letters

Over MSN messenger

In an RBC bank vault

At Bort's house

The old Pit

That weird hut between the Education building and Somerset studios

UBC-O

Wreck

Point Grey Battery

The cave where John Montalbano goes to cry

Your dad's cigar room

Cup-and-string phones

In a plane

On a train

In a house

With a mouse