The penalty spot has narrowly edged out Arsenal in a recent poll which asked football fans to vote for the least inventive thing in front of goal, it has been revealed.

The poll, which also included options such as “blades of grass”, “the 6-yard box” and “thin air” is the most definitive of its kind, leaving Arsenal to rue over their lack of creativity in the final third.

“We’re disappointed” said Wenger, who was asked about the poll in a recent press conference. “But we must keep fighting. I’ve been assured that the likes of Mkhitaryan and Aubameyang are proven to be more inventive than thin air and – on a good day – blades of grass too. It’s only a matter of time before we start to see that quality shine through.”

The penalty spot is less optimistic. “I’ve been at the heart of some of football’s most famous goals and incidents. To say I lack more invention than Arsenal in front of goal is at best inaccurate and at worst simply insulting. I invented the Panenka for fuck’s sake: what more do you want?”

As is so often the case, the final word went to Arsenal Fan TV, who were angry and shocked at the poll’s results. “Yet again Arsenal have finished 2nd” screamed an angry man called Damien. “When are we going to fucking win something? Wenger out!”

More to follow.