Over(thinking) the Rainbow

After decades of service, there wasn’t much that could faze Dr. Gears any more. He had adapted to his career as a Foundation researcher by becoming unusually stoic, to the point that many of his colleagues thought him to be completely emotionless, and possibly even some type of advanced robotic automaton.

And if that bothered him, he gave no sign.

He walked into his office, sat at his desk, booted up his computer and logged in to scipnet. He was about to update the report on the recent CK reality shift that had so substantially altered SCP-049, when something on the screen actually caused him to arch his eyebrow ever so slightly.

The Foundation logo was filled in with a Rainbow Flag, along with a brown and black stripe on top of it.

Slightly surprised and mildly concerned, Gears reached down and pressed the intercom button on his desk.

“Dr. Clef, please report to my office,” he said, staring quietly at the screen until his fellow senior researcher arrived.

“What’s up, Chuck?” Clef asked nonchalantly.

“I’m afraid the Foundation’s intranet may have been hacked,” Gears reported, gesturing towards the altered logo. “We’ll need to have the maintenance technicians run a full diagnostic to determine the extent of the damage. Most likely the perpetrators only wanted to download the database and left this as a calling card to mock us, but we’ll have to check for malware and edited files regardless. Do you think it might have been that GoI that’s opposed to recreational cannabis use because it impairs their ability at online gaming?”

“Ahh, have you been hitting the ganja, Gears?” Clef asked in mild disbelief. “We haven’t been hacked. That logo’s just for pride month.”

“ 'Pride month' ?”

“Yeah, June is LGBTQPIA Pride month, man.”

“LGBTQP-”

“Gay pride, Gears, gay pride. The rainbow in the logo is to show our support for our non-heteronormative employees.”

Gears looked at the screen in confusion, and then turned back to Clef.

“We’re a clandestine, international Non-Government Organization focused on the study and containment of paranormal phenomena. What does that have to do with gay rights?”

“Everything is political these days, Gears. If you're not for something, you're against it. Seriously, where have you been the last thirty years?”

“Working at Foundation black ops sites, with little to no extraneous information about the outside world,” Gears replied matter-of-factly.

“… Fair enough.”

“I admit I may be somewhat out of touch with current sociopolitical dynamics, but surely we do still retain a nontrivial number of culturally conservative staff members. Doesn’t this logo risk upsetting them? Wouldn’t it make more sense to remain neutral on this issue, as it does not directly affect Foundation operations?”

“There is no neutrality on stuff like this any more,” Clef replied with a sad shake of his head. “We’re living in a very polarized time. June’s pride month, and if we don't openly support it, then we're against it by default. Being against it means we’re on the alt-right's side, which means we might as well put rare Pepes all over our intranet instead."

…

"What are rare Pep-"

"Nazi Frogs, Gears. Nazi Frogs."

"Nazi Frogs?"

"Nazi Frogs. Memetics on the internet that turns the friggin' frogs Nazi!" Clef said, doing the best Alex Jones impression he could manage. "Now, if there’s nothing further…”

“Actually, I am curious as to why there is a black and brown stripe at the top of the rainbow?”

“For inclusivity. It shows our support for people of colour. Just because it’s gay pride doesn’t mean other injustices stop existing. We’re all in this together, or some hippy crap like that.”

“But real rainbows aren’t-”

“Well, real rainbows aren’t inclusive enough any more,” Clef interjected. “It’s not supposed to be a real rainbow Gears. It’s a symbol of support and solidarity for equality and inclusivity.”

Gears took another careful look at the screen.

“If that’s the case, shouldn’t there be a pink stripe for women’s rights? That’s also a fairly significant political movement at the moment, is it not?”

Clef shrugged indifferently.

“Gotta draw the line somewhere. There's only so many pixels inside the logo we can colour.”

“I see,” Gears said, still sounding uncertain. “Dr. Clef, if I may be so bold, I am somewhat perplexed by how well you're taking this. You do, after all, own a mass stockpile of firearms and have offended virtually every woman you’ve ever come into prolonged contact with. I would honestly think you were the sort to view any form of political correctness as an infringement on your First Amendment rights.”

“As long as I got my Second Amendment rights, I don't need to worry about the rest,” Clef replied. “And… Draven said that if I can’t stop being such an alt-right troll all the time then I’m not going to be invited to his and Talloran’s wedding. I can’t not be at that wedding, Gears. It would be embarrassing. All the big names will be at that wedding.”

“Yes, it will be an excellent opportunity for our enemies to terminate a large percentage of our senior staff in a single strike. There should probably be a designated survivor,” Gears remarked thoughtfully. “So, just to make sure I've got everything strai- or, clear rather; we haven't been hacked, we're supportive of gay pride, and our logo is now an inaccurate but ethnically inclusive rainbow? ”

“Yep, happy pride month, Chuck,” Clef smiled, slapping him on the back and taking his leave of the office.

Gears turned back to the computer, but his eyes lingered on the altered logo for a moment before he began typing.

"Who would name a frog Pepe?" he asked himself quietly.

"Nazis!" came Clef's distant reply from the hallway.