

During really stressful periods, sometimes I just need to shut down. This usually means: hiding in bed, usually with some combination of drinking extensively, cutting as a stress-reliever, sleeping a lot, taking painkillers, and listening to music (usually for a couple of hours) until I can reenter the world. I'm home alone a lot, so sometimes these can be kind of scary episodes.



I know what you're "supposed" to do, during times like this, is make sure you're around people so as to be safe. Last year I had two or three close friends who would call to check in periodically, to make sure I was still alive and OK during a particularly bad time. (This group isn't really available right now, which has made things kind of hard). Right now I have a wonderful partner (also a close friend), who is aware that I do this, and sympathetic -- i.e. aware of the issue, not freaked out by the cutting part of it, and has been through similar things -- and who would be really great to talk to during these moments. (we're long-distance, so this would mainly be a phone thing)



The problem being: I have no idea how to ask for this kind of support, and I feel like he won't extend it (rightly so) unless I ask for it. What I want more than anything during these moments, is hear a friendly voice, to be distracted and be reminded that things are going to be OK. If support is freely extended, it's wonderful, but I feel like I can't ask for it. What I definitely can't do, when I'm feeling really fucked up, is initiate a phone call.



How do I broach this conversation? I don't want this to be something that takes over my life -- I just want to be able to get in touch with someone, and feel like it's OK to do this, when things get really bad.



I've been in and out of therapy for this. These are my thoughts:



1) It's a rare therapist who won't immediately pathologize self-harm and assume you're suicidal. I've spent hours trying to explain the difference (and there *is* a very clear difference, at least for me), and am really tired of having this conversation. The best they do is prescribe medication -- and I think the last thing I need, during these moments, is access to a bottle of pills.



2) My school doesn't have ongoing resources for this sort of thing, so even if it were helpful, therapy in my area would be pretty much unaffordable)



So it's just me, for now. Which is OK. But I'd really like some feedback on how to create a better support system.



Thanks in advance for your advice, Metafilter. I really appreciate it. throwaway account at "stuckinbed123@gmail.com"

To call or not to call? (depression-filter)