It was a Tuesday in August 2017 when President Donald Trump announced by tweet that he would ban all transgender people from the American military.

No one but Valerie Cabrera knew that this Tuesday would change the course of her life.

Most people knew Cabrera as a 14-year-old boy. As a boy, she attended confirmation class at St. Francis de Sales Catholic Church in Vernon Township, Sussex County. As a boy she planned to spend this Tuesday on a football field, playing the euphonium and practicing drills with the Vernon Township High School Vikings marching band.

Someday, Cabrera hoped, she would continue her family's tradition of military service by joining the Marines. Someday she would have a meaningful career helping others, settle down and marry a nice girl.

This Tuesday, however, Cabrera could barely get out of bed. Getting up meant hiding the young woman she knew she was. It meant pulling on the black pants of her uniform, like all the other boys in the band.

“I didn’t even want to get up because I’m going to have to put on these clothes and pretend to be somebody else,” said Cabrera, now 16. “It was exhausting. I didn’t want to play that role anymore. I didn’t want to live anymore. I definitely thought of suicide.”

Big step backwards

Our country, built on the Constitution’s promise that each of us may “secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves,” is about to take a big step backwards. On Friday, Trump’s order banning transgender people from joining the military is scheduled to take effect.

Trans teens:The day arrives when New Jersey preteen can change gender on her birth certificate

Trans policy:Remembering Babs Siperstein, the first lady of New Jersey transgender activism

LGBT in school:How will LGBT history be taught in New Jersey schools after new law?

Trump’s reasons for the ban never made sense. In his tweet on July 26, 2017, the president wrote that “after consultation with my Generals,” he would implement the ban to avoid “the tremendous medical costs and disruption” associated with transgender people serving in the military.

None of it was true. There was no consultation; Joseph Dunford, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, said Trump's announcement came as a surprise.

Moreover, forcing transgender service members back into the closet will hurt the military, not help it. Repealing “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” the Clinton administration’s ban on gay, lesbian and bisexual people from the military, had no impact on military readiness, cohesion, recruitment or retention, according to a study by the Palm Center, a liberal think tank.

Instead, the transgender ban itself will cause unnecessary costs and disruption. According to a letter signed by 56 retired admirals and generals, the ban will “deprive the military of mission-critical talent.” Transgender troops will be “forced to live a lie,” the letter said. Meanwhile, their peers must choose: either harm the readiness of their unit by reporting their transgender comrades or disobey military policy.

The ban’s convoluted implementation further shreds any notion that transgender people cannot serve with honor. Opponents of the ban filed four separate lawsuits. Each has failed so far to overturn the policy. But the administration was forced to make compromises, including one allowing openly transgender people to continue serving.

“If you’re out, you can stay. If you’re closeted and discovered, you have to go,” said Christian Fuscarino, executive director of Garden State Equality, which fights for the rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans people in New Jersey.

“It’s absurd,” he said.

This nonsensical result proves the ban isn’t about transgender people. It’s about distraction. The ban was announced just as special prosecutor Robert Mueller began his investigation into possible collusion between Trump and Russian dictator Vladimir Putin.

“Trump says we affect readiness and effectiveness of the unit and the lethality of the military. None of that is true,” said Jennifer Long, a former Army sergeant major from New Jersey who served 29 years in the military, and who came out as trans while on tour in Afghanistan. “The trans issue is a political pawn.”

Coming out, speaking up

For Valerie Cabrera, Trump’s ban came at the worst possible time. Her uncles and other relatives had served in various branches of the military, and Cabrera had a dream of joining the Marines as a nurse.

“This country has given a lot to me,” she said. “Being a queer person, there are places where I can get stoned to death. Here, when this president does something, I can say freely I disagree. I want to give back to my country.”

But first, she had to reveal her secret to her mother.

It happened one night after band camp, and it did not go well. Cabrera, crying on her bed, struggled to get out the words: “I’m transgender.”

“I asked, ‘Does this mean you want to be a girl?’ ” said Renee Cabrera, Valerie’s mom. “I didn’t know how to react.”

For a month, Valerie cried herself to sleep. Renee heard the sobbing, but said nothing. Valerie’s life spiraled. She worried her mother might kick her out of the house. She began skipping school.

“I thought: Am I just going to have to run away?” Cabrera said. “Do I even want to be alive?”

Nearly a third of male to female transgender teens attempt suicide, according to a recent study by the American Academy of Pediatrics. Statistics like that forced Renee Cabrera to act.

“Up to that point it wasn’t real to me that she was trans,” Renee said. “Then I researched it and saw that this is not something that somebody says lightly. When you Google transgender, it’s pretty scary how many trans people get hurt.”

Once she accepted the news, Renee found therapists for Valerie and the family. She took Valerie shopping for girls’ clothes at the American Eagle store at Rockaway Townsquare Mall.

With her new wardrobe, Valerie came out at school and church. With some exceptions, most of her peers reacted positively, she said.

Adults in her church did not. So the Cabreras stopped going.

“I don’t think I’m any less Catholic than I was” before coming out, Valerie said. “I still have my relationship with God.”

Like everyone else, Cabrera is complex. She is a transgender girl who wants to participate in the Roman Catholic Church and the Marines. As Cabrera sat in her living room recently and told her story, a mail carrier delivered invitations to her Sweet 16 party.

Cabrera plans to take some friends to see "The Lion King" on Broadway.

“I have a very traditional side,” said Cabrera, who is attracted to girls. “Yes, I’m trans and I’m gay. But I want to get married in a beautiful chapel, and I want to wear a white dress.”

She also wants to continue her family’s legacy of military service.

"Marines have been helping people around the world," Cabrera said. "I want to be the person taking care of them when they're injured, helping them after they have helped other people."

She participates in extracurricular activities, including the softball team and the marching band. (She switched from euphonium to the color guard, so she gets to dance and wear a dress.) She is bright, funny, earnest and smart. After struggling to reveal her biggest secret to everyone she knows, she is as confident and self-possessed as any 16-year-old I’ve ever met.

In short, Valerie Cabrera would make an excellent Marine.

But if Trump won’t have her, Cabrera plans to spend her life in service to an even higher goal: making sure we have no more presidents like Trump. First she hopes to become a lawyer defending other people at risk of losing their civil rights.

“I can’t joint the military anymore, but I’m going to fight so other people can,” she said. “Eventually I want to run for office.”

Email: maag@northjersey.com