By Melissa Antoinette Garza

Congratulations DON’T BREATHE (2016), you are no longer the movie that pisses me off the most. That honor goes to a 1984 award-winning TV movie starring Ted Danson and Glenn Close. It’s a film called SOMETHING ABOUT AMELIA and it’s a fictionalized account about a father molesting his daughter.

Full disclosure, I am an incest survivor. My dad was a complete perv douchebag. Now, I don’t remember seeing this movie when I was a kid, and I hope I didn’t because this would have screwed me up worse than I was.

Despite my history, I’m usually not bothered by movies or TV shows on this topic. I watch LAW & ORDER SVU every week and I have never been remotely offended by the dozens of episodes on the topic. So, what did SOMETHING ABOUT AMELIA (1984) do that was so reprehensible, you ask. Where do I begin?

I just finished watching this and I haven’t slept. I’m still really ticked off, so this isn’t going to be a normal review or even the style of review I typically do.

The plot follows thirteen-year-old Amelia (Roxana Zal) has been keeping a secret since age eleven. Her father, Steven (Ted Danson) has been raping her. Amelia blames herself and worries that Steven will start molesting her younger sister Beth (Melissa Francis).

When Amelia’s grades begin to slip the guidance counselor Mrs. Hall (Jane Kaczmarek) suspects something is wrong. She brings Amelia in her office and after a bit of reassurance, Amelia discloses the truth.

Amelia’s mother Gail (Glenn Close) rushes home to find out what Amelia’s emergency is. Mrs. Hall stands by the young girl’s side. Gail reacts beyond poorly accusing Amelia of making it up.

Social Services take Amelia out of the house temporarily. When Steven is told about Amelia’s admission, he lies and Gail stands by his side. It takes her days to believe her daughter.

Steven eventually admits guilt too.

So why am I angry?

First, Steven is made out to be a victim. The family therapist Farley (Kevin Conway) tells Gail that everyone thinks about incest and that no one knows what makes people cross the line. At that point, there should have been a scene where Gail fires Farley…..but no. Farley “Informs” Gail that men who commit incest do so because there’s something missing in the marriage. The men do it because they want love and affection they’re not getting from their wives. The men are said to do it because the women are trying to take control in the marriage. Now, this guy isn’t made out to be some nutjob perv quack. This supposedly is the real reason.

Steven molested his daughter because there was no spark left in their marriage, he fought with his wife and Gail got a job which made him look like a bad provider.

Does Gail at least leave Steven? No. She gets mad at him for about thirty seconds, but Farley believes the family can be completely reunited! In fact, Steven doesn’t have to serve any jail time. He just needs therapy as does the whole family.

In the end, we see Amelia who has come to terms with everything forgive her father when she remembers being little and him singing her a lullaby.

I thought writing this review would make me less furious. It hasn’t. This was a TV movie! How many lives did this screw up?!?

If you need something positive about this, the acting was good and Jane Kaczmarek hasn’t aged since 1983! Other than that, FUCK THIS MOVIE! The only two adult characters that had any moral compass was Mrs. Hall and the social worker Ruth (Olivia Cole). Every other adult character should have gone to prison for child abuse!

Even the police look at incest and molestation differently. At one point, Steven is told that if he wasn’t Amelia’s father he’d be in handcuffs. Gail is jealous and angry at Amelia for not telling Steven no because he didn’t really force himself on her. It’s rape! She was 11! It was her father! What universe was this film made in?!?

There’s just too much insanity in this movie. Gail starts to make love with Steven after Amelia is out of the house in essentially an orphanage. She stops and turns over, but her daughter just accused her husband of raping her and Gail was going to screw him!

When Amelia does come home, Gail screams at her asking “Why didn’t you stop this?”

Scumbag Steven is in a hotel room watching Shirley Temple dancing with some guy and rather than have it be a scene like “what a fucking creep” the decision was made to make Steven sympathetic and sad! Fuck Steven! He’s a child molesting scumbag.

The third act is essentially a romance where Gail and Steven work on communicating and reconnecting. Steven eventually is brought into the psychiatrist’s office to talk to Amelia and tell her them “being together” was all his fault and not hers. The word RAPE isn’t used once. The word MOLESTATION isn’t used once. The whole thing is constantly referred to as sex. Did a child molester right this?

After watching this abomination, I thought to myself, “wow, this had to get some horrible backlash!” No. It won 9 awards (2 of which were Golden Globes) and was nominated for more than that. I thought, in retrospect, those that created this movie would feel like complete douchebags. No! In fact, Executive Producer, Leonard Goldberg is proud of it and sees it as a highlight of his career.

Seriously, the movie should not be shown to children and should not air on TV at all. The message is essentially, if you are molested and tell, your mom will be angry with you and the molester will be invited back in the house.

I seriously hope Glenn Close and Ted Danson regret their participation in the film. I can handle a disturbing movie, but this spits in the face of incest survivors and rape victims.

There isn’t a rating that exists which is low enough to give this film.