Nicola Sturgeon announces plans to rebuild Hadrian’s Wall, and England is going to pay for it

SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon has announced plans to rebuild Hadrian’s Wall and will make England pay for it.

Shortly after Theresa May said she would block any plans for another independence referendum, Sturgeon said she would go right ahead and build a wall to keep out the meddling English.

“We never get the best of them coming across the border. No, it’s just the Tories and the other canvassing politicians – there are some good ones, too, I assume,” she told reporters.

“That’s why I’m going to build a wall, a great wall. It’s going to be so great.

“And best of all, England is going to pay for it. Yes, they are. They might say they’re not, but they will be. Yes they will.”

Sturgeon’s speech has been welcomed by Scottish Nationalists who are keen to believe literally anything they’re told as long as it contains an anti-English sentiment.

“She’s telling it like it is, and I think she’s great,” explained Glasgow resident Simon Williams.

“Sure, it might seem bonkers to most people, and the English might deny they’ll contribute a penny to it – but why would she lie about it?”

Building contractors have said they will need cash up front to do any building work on the wall after taking a cursory look at predictions for the Scottish economy post independence.