MINNEAPOLIS—After suffering another setback in a long line of chronic knee issues, Minnesota Timberwolves guard Brandon Roy announced Monday that he has finally purchased a do-it-yourself arthroscopic surgery kit for at-home joint repairs. “It’s so much more convenient being able to perform a meniscectomy or ACL reconstruction right from the comfort of your own bed,” Roy said of the kit, which contains arthroscopes, scalpels, forceps, hook and planing knives, biting clamps, local anesthesia, and an easy-to-follow 14,000-page instruction manual. “It takes a little while to get the hang of, but this way I don’t have to deal with the hassle of going all the way to the hospital and waiting for hours on end for an overpriced orthopedic surgeon. Just this morning I made a quick incision and shaved off some damaged cartilage around my patellar tendon, saving myself a trip to the ER and a few thousand bucks.” At press time, Roy was scrubbing up after tearing the PCL and MCL in his right knee while talking to reporters.

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