UmBankroll Tue 29-Aug-17 16:54:20

Sorry it's a long one. NC as I know some friends and family are Mumsnetters...



So, here's the story:



I'm the only child of a single mother, now in my mid-20s, moved abroad by myself when I was 18 to pursue my career. I come back to the UK every year to visit and stay with my mother for 2-3 weeks generally. Got married to my DH (who is a national of the country I live in) last year, and since getting married we have paid to stay in hotels nearby to my mother's house whenever we visit (3 times in the past 18 months).



This summer DH and I had the flexibility of being able to stay in the UK for longer, due to the fact that I quit my job and he had over a month off work. When discussing our plans with my mother during our visit back in February, she suggested we stay at her house rather than shell out for hotel accommodation for such a long time (prices are very high where she lives - prime location). DH and I were both happy with the idea so we agreed to it.



My mother's house needed a bit of attention in order to make it really comfortable for the 3 of us to co-habit for a month or so. Over a period of 3 months prior to our stay, I discussed with her the things she wanted fixing/changing as well as the alterations I wanted to make to my bedroom & bathroom. We agreed on all the refurbishments and I basically project managed from abroad whilst my mother handled things at the property. DH and I paid for absolutely everything. From two completely new bathrooms, new wooden floors throughout the whole house and new kitchen appliances, to a big new TV for the living room and lots of soft furnishings. DH and I spent upwards of £16k on all the updates (most of it on labour costs...!) and my mother was so happy with it, as were we during our stay. It ended up costing more than a hotel would have, but at least it's an investment in the property rather than just throwing the money away.



Since DH and I came back home just over a week ago, I received an email from my mother with a PDF attachment of an itemised bill for our stay at her house, listing the prices of literally everything down to the hand soap, bath towels and bed linen. Even food (although we regularly ate out or bought our own food from the supermarket and cooked for the 3 of us), and a % of the electricity bill and council tax. The bill she has written - addressed to me only - amounts to over £2000.



As a bit of back story, my mother has been struggling professionally of late (her roles are freelance and have been few and far between for quite some time) and I have bailed her out of a few financial troubles on several occasions over the past few years. At the end of last year, DH and I agreed to help her by taking over her monthly mortgage payment of £2500, which I have transferred monthly to her account ever since. It appears she has massively taken her foot off the gas in terms of trying to find work since we are taking care of this monthly payment. She's in her early 50s and in good health, but keeps dropping rather unsubtle hints about wanting to retire and be a full-time grandma (I'm pregnant with our first).



AIBU to be shocked and quite frankly appalled that she has sent me an itemised bill for the stay which SHE suggested in the first place, especially considering all the financial support we've been giving her anyway, plus taking care of renovating her home to the spec she wanted? AIBU to refuse to pay this bill? And AIBU to think she is seeing my DH (who is very successful) and I as one big meal ticket? It's unfair, it's embarrassing, it's putting an unnecessary pressure on my DH, and we are starting our own family and need to take care of ourselves - we can't bankroll her forever. I really don't know how to react or respond as I don't want to destroy my relationship with my mother, but I'm lost for words that she's taken it this far.