“Just breathe – focus on yourself,” she whispered in my ear as she slowly massaged her way from my lower back to my shoulders.

I’d been worried Brad might feel neglected. He sat between my legs on the grass, and I sat between hers. I considered rubbing his back while she rubbed mine, but had resigned to resting my head between his shoulders as she worked her magic.

After several days of chaos and stress I was done fighting and gave into her calm caress. Brad had signed us up to work on the food truck at a crazy 4-day hippie festival. After serving burritos until 3 a.m. for the third night in a row, the lady we’d hired to help – Summer – convinced us it was time to have a little fun. She procured some herbs to help us relax, and we headed over to the main stage just in time to catch some psychedelic band she’d been waiting to see all week.

We found shelter under some sort of dome contraption with an up-side-down fire coming out of the top. Just about the time my body had turned into warm jello, Summer pulled me back onto her reclined chest and wrapped her arms around me. She rubbed my temple with her fingers and told me it was my third eye.

I remember feeling embarrassed by how much I enjoyed the comfort of her breasts beneath my back. I sunk down into them like a pillow as her hands made their way from my shoulders to my collar bones, and then down closer to my own breasts, as she massaged my chest. My hands searched for a place to rest and found their way to her thighs. I might have imagined it, but I think at some point she was softly kissing my neck, or maybe just breathing on it.

I was in heaven. But I couldn’t let it last too long for fear I’d be perceived as selfish or lazy or – God forbid – a lesbian.

Don’t get me wrong, at this point in my life I am 100% supportive of lesbians, and every other sexuality. It’s just, for me personally, the possibility of being bisexual is a very new concept, one that – because of my culture and religious upbringing – I’d been very uncomfortable with in the past.

But when we decided to open up our relationship several months ago, I figured everything had to be on the table. If I was going to allow myself to feel love for anyone I felt it for, I could not rule out the possibility of feeling love for women. So I’d been toying around with the idea of being with a woman in some capacity or another for several months.

It started as a strong desire just to watch Brad with another woman. I had the strangest longing to watch the expression on another woman’s face as he brought her to orgasm. Maybe at some point, I thought, I could do more than watch. Maybe I could assist him in bringing her to new levels of ecstasy. Or maybe she and I would join together in worship of him.

That’s all fantasy still – it could be years before I have the courage, or opportunity, to act on something like that.

But in this moment, I was the one being pampered by a woman – a scenario I hadn’t envisioned yet. I kept trying to get Brad involved, but she insisted I just relax and enjoy myself.

“Oh… my… god…” I said dreamily. “That was the best massage I’ve ever had… Brad would love that… Could you give him one too?”

I lay face-down in Brad’s chest and wrapped my arms around him and pressed my fingers into Summer’s lower back as she massaged his. Then Brad got behind her and worked on her back, while I worked on her legs through the folds of her long hippie skirt.

“You guys ready to dance?” she asked, standing up suddenly. She led us up to the front of the crowd, near the stage.

Later, when Brad wandered off on his own, Summer took me on a walk through the woods to see to the “sacred fire.” We felt our way through the dark holding hands, laughing and running into trees. We stopped to look up at the stars and then sat in a teepee telling stories about our childhood and families. On the walk back, the sky started to lighten. I told her I felt like Anne of Green Gables, but she’d never heard of her.

We grabbed Brad and walked back toward our tents to watch the sunrise. We found some pillows on a deck by the lake and lay down for a nap in the twilight. Summer lay on her side with Brad and my heads near her womb. “I feel like I’m birthing you two,” she laughed. “You really are,” I said, just before we all fell asleep.