73 SHARES Share Tweet

FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA — This morning, NRA spokesterrorist Dana Loesch gave an interview to a right-wing radio host in which she said that school shootings are “unfortunate but unfortunately necessary.”

“Look, at the end of the day, liberals don’t want to hear this, but sometimes the tree of liberty needs to be watered with the blood of students,” Loesch told Mitch McMichaels on WBANG this morning. “I believe that’s what Thomas Jefferson said, anyway, and if you wanna argue with Jefferson, libtards, have at. Yes, school shootings are unfortunate but unfortunately necessary.”

Loesch insisted the “alternative to weekly shootings is much, much worse for America, liberty, and freedom.”

“Guns are the only thing that make us safe, make us free,” Loesch said. “Guns are literally perfect little implements of Americanism that only true red blooded, ammo hoarding patriots understand. Because it’s guns that would help us start a civil war, let blood run in the streets, and allow us to murder our fellow Americans because we don’t like the fact that more of them want things like universal health care than we have people on our side.”

In just 2018 alone, there have been 18 incidents in which a gun was fired on or near a U.S. campus, with some of those incidents resulting in loss of life. Loesch says that instead of encouraging kids to stay away from guns, which she says fosters a “dangerous attitude that guns aren’t as safe as a banana or a Lego set,” schools should “lean into” the shooting incidents.

“Why not expose our kids to more gunfire? Why not hold classes literally in an army shooting range,” Loesch asked. “If we ever intend on raising a generation of backyard commandos that can and will try to overthrow our own government, then we have to start showing these kids the cuck way is not the right way.”

Ms. Loesch said she is “dismayed and disheartened” by the fact that survivors of the Parkland, Florida massacre two weeks ago are being put front and center in the gun control debate. She said she “remember[s] a time when kids knew their place.”

“I wanna know why as a society we’re letting teenagers supersede the authority of laws written over 200 years ago by white men in their twenties,” Loesch said. “Call me old fashioned, if you will. I just believe in the age-old adage – children should be shot at, but not heard.”

Satire can also be found on The Pastiche Post and The Political Garbage Chute.

More Satire: