Reviews of Roland Emmerich’s Stonewall have begun pouring in, and the general consensus is that, well, it really, really, really sucks. The poster promises that the film tells the story of “where pride began,” but—as Gawker’s Rich Juzwiak pointed out in his review—it tells the wrong one.


Arguably the most controversial decision made by Emmerich and screenwriter Jon Robin Baitz was their decision to use an invented white gay man as its central character. And though the first person to throw a brick at Stonewall was a trans woman of color named Marsha P. Johnson, the film gives that specific honor to a fake gay man of the color white named Danny Winters. (That’s really what they named him!)

When asked about these decisions by BuzzFeed, Emmerich didn’t seem to give much of a shit.

“Some people warned me, but I said, ‘Well, you know, so be it.’ [...] You have to understand one thing: I didn’t make this movie only for gay people, I made it also for straight people,” he said. “I kind of found out, in the testing process, that actually, for straight people, [Danny] is a very easy in. Danny’s very straight-acting. He gets mistreated because of that. [Straight audiences] can feel for him.”


He continued:

“As a director you have to put yourself in your movies, and I’m white and gay.”

Ah, OK! So because you’re a director who happens to be white and gay, your movies—regardless of whether or not they’re based on true stories about trans people of color—should be viewed through the specific lens of someone...like you. Good to know! I don’t remember seeing a white gay man fighting monsters in Godzilla, saving the world in The Day After Tomorrow, or giving aliens a computer virus in Independence Day, but sure!

Based on his almost unbelievably tone-deaf comments, the Jezebel staff came up with a list of more movies that Mr. Emmerich, as a white gay man, might feel comfortable making next.

12 Years a White and Gay Man



My Big White Gay Wedding



Rosemary’s White Gay Baby



A White Gay Man on Elm Street



Mean White Gays



Steel White Gay Magnolias



Pretty White Gay Man



Jurassic White Gay Man



The White Gay Godfather



Lord of the Rings: Return of the White Gay Man



W.G.: The White Gay Man



White Gay Man Unchained



9 to 5: White Gay Man Edition



Monty Python and the Holy White Gay



White Gay Mantz



Party White Gay



No Country For Old White Gay Men



V For White Gay Men



White Gay Man Home Alone



Little White Gay Men



National White Gay Men’s European Vacation



Andy Hall



Free White Gay Man



(White) Homo-ward Bound



Speed, But With a White Gay Man



The Dark White Gay Man Rises



White Gay Lion King



Breakfast At a White Gay Man’s House



Guess Which White Gay Man Is Coming to Dinner



The White Gay Joy Luck Club



How White Gay Man Got His Groove Back



Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your White Gay Men in the Hood



Aaron Brockovich



Do the White Gay Man



Thelmo & Louis



White Gay Outta Compton



White Gay Hoop Dreams



Ordinary White Gay Men



The Blair White Gay Project



White Gangry Men



How To Lose a White Gay Man In 10 Days



The White Gay Man with the Dragon Tattoo



White Gay Shrek



Contact the author at bobby@jezebel.com .