It’s a scary word, sterilization. My mind darts to men in black suits abducting me, placing me in a bright laboratory where more men in hazmat suits surround me as I fade into oblivion. I then wake up to my eyes weeping and my womanhood vanquished. Basically the reverse of Dana Scully’s ordeal. So let’s just all agree that the word is scary, and it is MEANT to be scary. Especially for women who have not yet had children.

Truthfully, I am new to the idea of sterilization (tubal ligation or tube tying) which is why I am choosing to write about it now. I want to document my experience to see how my thoughts shift, strengthen, and culminate. Sterilization excites me, encourages me, and feels like a dream come true, so why hasn’t it entered my mind as a possibility before?

There are the basic reasons: a conservative upbringing, and a big family, but mostly because I have always been told that I would make a great mother. Since early on, kids felt comfortable with me. I could calm the worst of them and make the crabby ones laugh. I was probably as young as thirteen when, holding a baby cousin on my hip, a male relative told me I “was meant for motherhood.” What a perfect age to mold a young woman’s mind to believe her great purpose was to reproduce. This based only on the fact that I could make a mini-human stop crying? But my mom, my dad, other relatives, friends, and partners past have all said the same thing. And I do believe I would make a good mother, but I do not want to birth a child.

Let’s take a moment and stop demeaning women who cannot, or choose to not have biological children. Motherhood is not about genes. Arguably the greatest mother of all time was not related to any of her hundreds of children, but we refer to her only as a mother. I cannot speak for women who are physically unable to become pregnant, but I can speak for women who choose to not have children. Someday I may want to be a mother, but I do not think that to have a motherhood experience one has to do it biologically. That is not for me.

I know, I know, I am young, so I will inherently regret this decision. Okay, I won’t argue with you! There will be a moment standing in a park and my hormones are hopping and I see a cute kid with a stud of a dad and I think to myself, “gosh, I really wish I could have that.” People talk of regret as if there were a way to avoid it. I think regret is inherent in any decision. My sister, who is beautifully covered with intricate tattoos admitted that she regrets a lot of her tattoos on any given day, but in time she loves them again, and most likely goes out to get another. Regret is unavoidable, but it is not permanent. We choose our outlook on the decisions we make.

I will write again to delve into my reasons for considering sterilization, but right now I could almost cry with excitement. The thought of committing to this choice makes me free to imagine my future the way I want it. Choosing sterilization does not make me less of a woman. I have been, and always will be a woman. I respect the women who choose and commit to having children. You are powerful, fierce, and oh so much braver than I, and so I ask that you women see me (and other women who choose a child-free life) the same as I see you. We are different, but none of us are better than the other.