“Kadavul kuduppar!” Remember grandma saying that every time she came across someone doing something very bad and she felt helpless? Well, scores of criminals are living the grandma’s curse. With a helping hand from the Tamil Nadu police, God seems to be extra prompt here.

In Chennai, three men

,

— got their divine comeuppance this past week. What’s more, they can’t even put together their palms in a prayer of repentance. This God seems to work with clinical precision while handing out punishments.

Almost all suspects who appear before a magistrate with a hand in the cast must have suffered fractures of the radius and the ulna, the two bones between the elbow and the wrist. An orthopaedic surgeon will tell you that these fractures are seldom life-threatening, but immobilises the arm for several weeks (a minor, stable fracture may require four weeks in a cast; a more serious injury, such as a Monteggia fracture – involving the proximal side of the smaller bone, ulna, with a dislocation of the proximal head of the bigger bone, radius) may need to be immobilised for up to 10 weeks.

A number of criminals also suffer what surgeons call — I am not making this up — a nightstick fracture (where the middle portion of the ulna is broken, classically by being hit on the inside of the forearm). Well after the cast is removed, the wrist and elbow joints may remain stiff for up to three weeks and the forearm bones will be weaker for a few more weeks. No chainsnatching, no finger-wagging at cops God’s great, grandma would say.

In most of the cases, the suspect brings upon himself the predicament: He asks for the loo, the considerate police let him go, the suspect pees, and then flees. With cops in hot pursuit, he slips, falls, breaks his, well, radius and ulna. And it’s almost always the right hand that breaks (unless the suspect is left-handed). God’s will, grandma would say.

Some very bad guys even attack the cops. That’s when our law enforcers unbuckle the holster and put a bullet in their head, all in self-defence (if you don’t believe, go see the constable at Royapettah hospital with a bandage on his upper arm). Such acts of God were more frequent a couple of decades ago.

After a series of such ‘encounters’ in the past, I was particularly amused by the accuracy of the ‘defensive shooters’ who often hit the fleeing criminal in the forehead. “How do you do it,” I asked a top cop known to be a sharp shooter. “You don’t trust us, do you?” he said with a smile. Then he called into his office two junior officers who were part of the operation that felled a gangster accused in several murder cases.

Role playing, the two officers treated me to some live action. One played the gangster, the other cop. They moved from corner to corner, giving a running commentary of the scene. I was on the edge of my seat as they mock-wrestled, one mimed a knife attack before running and the other aimed his two fingers as gun and pulled the imaginary trigger. Bang!

The senior cop thanked his subordinates and they took leave after a salute in unison. “Now, are you convinced,” he asked. I shook my head. “Okay,” he continued, “What would you’ve done if you were in our shoes?” I stood up and shook his hands.

As I reached the door, his words rang out: “We don’t wear guns as ornaments.” God, he had a firm hand!