Nearly every same-sex couple has experienced that awkward moment on vacation. It usually comes at hotel check-in, when you find yourself on the receiving end of a quizzical or disapproving look as you explain that yes, you did intend to book just one bed for you and your “friend.”

When my partner, Brett, and I visited Jamaica several years ago, we hadn’t even gotten to the check-in point at the all-inclusive Royal Decameron Club Caribbean in Runaway Bay, when things became uncomfortable. “What about your bag?” a porter asked me in a way that didn’t sound exactly helpful after he’d pulled our single suitcase out of a van we’d taken from the airport and placed it at Brett’s feet. “I just have this,” I said, referring to my backpack and feeling my neck hairs tingle; this is Potentially Unsafe Territory, my sensors seemed to say.

I tried to shake it off, as does anyone who identifies with a letter in the increasingly long string that today, by some accounts, reads LGBTQI2-S (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, Intersex, or Two-Spirit). But it got worse. During our stay at the resort, set on a pristine, white beach approaching clear, sky-blue water, staff members openly mocked us. One employee who bummed a cigarette from Brett then said “thanks,” followed by a local pejorative term for a homosexual person. Dealing with fellow guests who are homophobic is sadly part of the deal of being gay, but when the staff is menacing (in another bizarre moment, one guy sneaked up behind us and barked like a dog, trying to scare us), you naturally feel unsafe. We ended up leaving a few days early, spending money we really couldn’t afford to change our flights.

“We are not gay-friendly because our hotel is a family resort,” the sales director of the Royal Decameron, Angelica Daza, said when I called recently. “Don’t take that response as if we discriminate,” she quickly added. “We don’t discriminate against gays.” Still, when I told her about my experience there and asked if employees were expected to treat every guest equally, she was blunt once again, saying she cannot control how the staff might feel. “Everybody is free to express what they think,” she said. Well, they certainly did so on my vacation.