Here at the shebeen, we’ve been tracking the ongoing festivities in a federal courtroom in Kansas City, where Kansas Secretary of State and patron saint of all vote-suppressors, Kris Kobach, is mounting his own defense of one of his pet laws against the onslaught of the local ACLU. Remember that old saw about a lawyer who defends himself having a fool for a client? Well, the reverse is true, too. A client who becomes his own lawyer has a fool for a lawyer.

The court has been merciless toward Kobach and toward his prime witnesses, including the notorious Hans von Spakovsky, who has been a vital member of the posse in pursuit of the franchise ever since the Republicans dreamed it up. For his part, Kobach has evinced all the legal skills of a marmoset. His feet haven’t touched the bottom of the pool since he entered the court. The federal district judge, a patient woman named Julie Robinson, is completely fed up with having to preside over a trial while filling in the gaps in Kobach’s legal education, as this story from The Kansas City Star explains.

U.S. District Judge Julie Robinson has repeatedly warned Kobach’s team about trying to introduce evidence that has not been shared with the plaintiffs during the first three days of the high stakes trial, which will determine whether thousands can vote in Kansas this November. Kobach complained that the parties in the case “are relying on numbers that are stale” after the judge blocked a line of questioning to Bryan Caskey, the state director of elections, on data that had not been provided to the American Civil Liberties Union, which is representing the plaintiffs in the case before the U.S. District Court in Kansas City, Kan.

This triggered a rebuke from Robinson after three days of polite warnings on the rules of legal procedure in the face of multiple hiccups from Kobach’s team. “We're not going to have a trial by ambush here... You're stuck with what you provided to them by the deadline,” Robinson said. "No, no. That's not how trials are conducted," she told Kobach during the exchange. Sue Becker, an attorney on Kobach’s team, tried to interject. “Let me finish,” the judge said as she continued on with her admonishment.

Jesus H. Christ on torts, I learned that just by watching every Law & Order episode 20 times.

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Kobach’s witnesses have been no better. First, there was Jo French, a merry septuagenarian called by Kobach and his team in order to show that the voter-suppression law did not unduly burden the elderly. She did not do Kobach or his cause any favors. From Talking Points Memo:

A feisty woman who was eager to crack a joke or wander off topic, French described a lengthy process, and at times made comments suggesting it was tougher on her than she was letting on. She also raised questions about her contacts with Kobach’s office leading up to her appearance Monday. “I wanted [Kobach] to look good,” she said at one point, when asked about when the Secretary of State’s office reached out to her about testifying.

Kobach’s experts were no better than Ms. French. Drawn from the dingier precincts of the wingnut ideas industry, they included Stephen Camerota, of the extremist Center for Immigration Studies. Camerota’s research was shredded by the ACLU lawyers, whom Camerota repeatedly interrupted until Judge Robinson had enough and told him, according to The Kansas City Star:

“She can only take down one voice at a time or we’re going to kill her,” Judge Julie Robinson said of the court reporter at one point. “And then I’m going to kill everyone else.”

If Judge Robinson, who was appointed by President George H.W. Bush, isn’t on the short-list for the Supreme Court the next time we have a Democratic president, I’m going to be considerably frosted.

Then there was Jesse Richman, a researcher from Old Dominion. It was Richman’s testimony that got Kobach accused of a “trial by ambush” by Judge Robinson. Richman also made the mistake of talking over Judge Robinson.

“Wait, wait, wait!” the judge called out as the situation heated up and more people in the courtroom began speaking simultaneously. “Especially you,” she added to Richman, instructing him not to talk except when answering questions. “You’re not here to trΩash the plaintiff. You’re not here to argue with me.”

(Also vital to keeping up with the latest from this flea circus is to get on the electric Twitter machine and follow Jessica Huseman—@JessicaHuseman—of the invaluable ProPublica. Huseman even became part of the trial when one of Kobach’s lawyers accused her of having secretly recorded an interview with von Spakovsky. This was blatantly—and hilariously—untrue.)

The basic problem with Kobach’s case, of course, is that it’s built atop a fake talking point that has been turned into an outright fantasy by years of repetition in the conservative terrarium. He’s asking the wrong judge to rule in favor of something that doesn’t exist. This trial is just the farce that Kobach’s entire career deserves.

Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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