This morning when doing a search for an image of Dick Cheney I could use for this piece, I received the following disclaimer from the nice folks over at Yahoo:

I wasn’t the least bit surprised to learn this. The man is a walking, talking obscenity.

I have a confession to make. Until he slithered back onto the public stage this week with the release of his so-called “memoirs”, I missed Dick Cheney . I missed him and his daughter Liz, pounding the bejesus out of the talk show circuit, waxing idiotic on the subject of the Big Black Bolshevik Boogie Man in the White House.

Be honest; they were kind of fun to watch, weren’t they? They always reminded me of two circus wagons stuffed with clowns that had crashed into each other on a two-lane highway. You just couldn’t take your eyes off the two of them! Then came the BP disaster. Liz lowered her profile and Sickie Dick all but disappeared! I’m sure that’s just a coincidence though.

They’re back. He as author, she as ghost writer. I am a very happy man this morning. All of the delightful, unintentional humor that the two of them provide is the gift that keeps giving.

It’s next to impossible to believe that Dick Cheney could ever have been seen as an asset to any party but the Nazis. Remember back in the day?

In the Spring of 2000, when it appeared certain that Junior had the nomination locked up, George The Elder knew damned well that his idiotic kid could not possibly win based on any intellectual merit, so he picked Cheney to head a committee whose purpose was to find a suitable person to run with him – someone with “gravitas”.

That was the word of the hour. After only a few days, Cheney marched into the Bush bunker in Kennebunkport with the name of the perfect man for the job – DICK CHENEY! On March 10, 2007, I conjured-up for posterity’s sake the dialogue that must have taken place:

CHENEY: George! I have found your ideal running mate!

BUSH: Great! Who is it, Dick?

CHENEY: You’re not gonna believe it – IT’S ME!!!

BUSH: Whooa! What’re the odds?

Ah, Dubya! And to think that the half-witted little thug was once the “leader of the free world”! Don’cha just love it?

Dick Cheney is back with his “long-awaited memoirs”. Awaited by whom they won’t say. I won’t be reading it. I’ve read enough about it and heard enough about it (primarily from the Dickster’s own mouth) to form my own assessment of the drivel spread generously within.

In fact, I won’t be reading any of the flood of books that have been written, are being written, and will be written by the Bush Mob. It’s always an amusing thing to watch these bitter, dirty old men attempt to cleanup their putrid little corners in the Hall of Infamy. Robert McNamara tried it 14 years ago and it didn’t work out too well for him. Cheney will fare no better I suspect. What he is attempting here is the equivalent of putting a smiley face on a decomposing pig:

“Well lookie thar, Martha! Ain’t that purdy?”

No, I won’t be reading any of those books. I’m waiting for the verdict of qualified historians regarding the Bush years, and I imagine it won’t be a positive one. Here’s a prediction: A century from now the president of the United States will still – on a daily basis – be dealing with the damage these jackanapes did to this country so long before. Of course, that’s assuming that the office of the presidency survives. Don’t bet the farm on that one.

According to those who have had the stomach to read it, Richard Bruce Cheney is an honest-to-goodness American hero. During the years 2001 to 2009, if you agreed with him, you were on the side of virtue and apple pie. If you didn’t you were soft on terrorism. It really is as simplistic as that.

From an interview this week with NBC’s Jamie Gangel:

JAMIE GANGEL: People call it torture. You think it should still be a tool?

DICK CHENEY: Yes.

JAMIE GANGEL: Secret prisons?

DICK CHENEY: Yes.

JAMIE GANGEL: Wiretapping?

DICK CHENEY: Well, with the right approval.

JAMIE GANGEL: You say it is one of the things you are proudest of, and you would do it again in a heartbeat.

DICK CHENEY: It was controversial at the time. It was the right thing to do.

“Do it again in a heartbeat”??? Whose heart are they referring to here? His or a normal person’s?

I have a feeling that the release of “In My Time”, the title of the book, might very well be a preemptive ploy. There’s a damned good reason why Dick, George and good ol’ Donny Rumsfeld don’t dare leave the country these days. According to Colin Powell’s former chief-of-staff Larry Wilkerson:

“This is a book written out of fear, fear that one day someone will ‘Pinochet’ Dick Cheney.”

Just in case it slipped your memory, the reference he is making is to Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet, who was finally bought to justice for war crimes – years after he lost power. Retirement must not be a very relaxing pastime for Dick Cheney. Wilkerson told Amy Goodman this week that if the former vice-president of the United States is ever bought to trial in the Hague for his crimes against the human race, he would be willing and eager to testify against him. I’d sure as hell would hate to be Cheney. The contemptible freak must sleep with a loaded 357 under his pillow. Can’t say that I blame the old bugger.

To tell you the truth, I feel kinda sorry for the guy. It must be difficult not to be able to commit mass murder on a whim after having had that power for eight long years. As bad as the carnage was when he was VP, it might have been much worse.

According to Cheney himself, at a meeting one day, he strongly urged Junior Bush to launch an attack against the sovereign nation of Syria. Hmm! Requesting an extra hour on the White House tennis court was one thing; this was a different matter entirely. Iraq wasn’t going too well by that point. Another unprovoked incursion might backfire also. Dubya needed a consensus. He asked for a show of hands from a handful of staffers, who just happened to be in the room at that moment, whether or not the VP’s idea was a good one.

Not a single hand was raised. COWARDS! The president declined. This incident is fascinating for no other reason than the fact that it finally proves that Bush was capable of making the right decision – if only after taking an informal poll – on a matter that should have been a no-brainer. Still, you’ve got to grab these happy little revelations wherever you find them.

Does he really believe that he will be able to pull a fast one on history? That the ages will view him much in the same way Roosevelt and Churchill are viewed today. Yeah, he probably does. The only thing monumental about this homicidal twit is his arrogance.

I can’t wait to watch the rest of Cheney’s book tour. Tomorrow he is making an appearance on MSNBC’s Morning Joe. Will Lawrence O’Donnell, Al Sharpton and Rachel Maddow be on the panel questioning him? Wouldn’t that be a scream? Fate, if you would be so kind….