Hello Toronto,



I've been in this community for a long time. I've met a lot of my closest friends here. And on the whole I think despite the tough times and rough patches, I feel we've managed to cooperatively work together to find a better solution when issues have come up. There is a matter that needs to be addressed. That I need addressed.



You've probably noticed I act stranger than normal around Ryan. And you've likely heard rumours in varying shapes, sizes, and intensities. I am here to clear the air. All of it.



Before I begin I'd like to first state that I am not proud of myself for my behaviour in this. And I am sorry for any discomfort that you may feel as a result of this. When this first surfaced, years ago, I decided that sweeping this matter under the rug was the best course of action because I did not want to strain the existing relationships and part of me truly believed that Ryan and I could work through our issues on our own. Upon reflection, I realize that I was horribly misguided in this decision so because as the situation has escalated the danger has grown beyond my control and you (the community) have been put into an awkward position. So I am sorry for this. And this is why I come to you - something I should have done a long time ago. Because I forgot, in spite of the underlying competitive spirit, we are ultimately a family. We look for and take care of one another.



So I come before you seeking aid. Because I need your help. Ryan still does not understand the gravity of what he has done to me. He illustrates this fact through his impositions into my life. He uses the community, who is unaware of our situation, as a conduit to do this. It has resulted in my absence at times because it is incredibly straining to me to experience this, due to the volatile nature of the conflicts. But I do not want to abandon my favourite game nor do I feel that he should have to either. This is why I need your support because the only way Ryan can continue to be part of this community and that I can comfortably return to it is by the community hearing out story and understanding my predicament.



We're a family. I know you won't let me down on something this important. And again, I cannot apologize enough for hiding this but I didn't want to burden anyone with this. Please trust that my heart was and continues to rest in the right place, even if my head was in left field. But I am doing what's right now.



To begin...



Ryan and I were in a intimate relationship. During this relationship, Ryan struck me six times on five separate instances (which occurred within the last four years). On this most recent instance (which occurred during the summer), he not only struck twice (he attacked and struck me again, again after the initial incident) but he also did so in front of another player (who I have decided shall remain anonymous at his discretion).



Due to my family's pressure on me to press charges (for domestic abuse), there is photographic evidence that illustrates the bruising and injury done to my neck. On this most recent incident, during the first attack I was tackled to the floor and choked by him while he threatened to kill me. When I did not submit or wither to his rage, he relented briefly and it appeared he had calmed. But then he attacked a second time wherein he hit me to the ground, choked me, and punched me in the stomach. To my horror, when he left my home, he confirmed to my inquiring neighbours that they did in fact hear domestic violence and told them what he'd done.



Could you imagine how I felt at that moment when he was almost proud of how he's battered me? Can you understand the position I am now in, every time I go to A&C? And finally, can you see that I had everything one would need to successfully file for charges and have him arrested?



But I didn't. Because in spite of what everyone else told me, I did not think that would help Ryan or give me the satisfaction to move past this.



It was my hope that, after Ryan and I discussed this incident and its implications, the gravity of this situation would temper Ryan's decisions towards myself and others. I had hoped that he would recognize that he has crossed the line repeatedly because physical abuse is wrong. I'd also hoped he'd recognize the awkward position I am in when we are together and give me some consideration in this regard.



Clearly, as shown by events as recent as STYC4, he does not understand any of this. He forced himself into the car I was returning home in with Windrose. Having been informed about our situation, Windrose tried to dissuade Ryan but was pressured into allowing Ryan to return home with us rather than by bus (which he had a ticket). I do not blame Windrose for his actions because he only been informed of these events during that weekend. His efforts to dissuade Ryan in such a precarious position, though they failed, illustrates a sensitivity towards my position which I am thankful for. But more importantly it makes it very to me that (1) this information needs to be publicly known so people can take the time to decide how they want to handle this matter and (2) so nobody is thrust into the position that Windrose was in where the secrecy of the information compromises one's inability to deny Ryan's imposition without revealing the truth. It is unfair for me and even less fair to Windrose (and anyone else in the community) to be put in this position at all, so I am making this public to prevent something like this from happening again. The secrecy of the abuse is what empowers Ryan because he knows he use the familial aspect of the community to get what he wants.



So this is where all of you come in. Because now I have done what I can (and should have done a long time ago). I have made it perfectly clear to Ryan in our last communication that we have no friendship any longer but that I do not want to unnecessarily strain the community. I also informed him that I did not want to compromise the professional integrity of the tournament environment by evicting him (through a restraining order) provided he understood that in exchange I wanted a certain distance respected. But he has been disregarding this and using the secrecy of the subject to accomplish this. This stops now.



Please understand I am not asking anyone to take a formal side in this matter because that is unfair. So I am not asking for anybody to stop being friends with Ryan nor I am not asking for him to banned from tournaments. All I want is a small consideration. I want to be able to be an active member of this community and competition just like him. But I need your help. Please do not be the excuse he uses to impose his presence on me like he did with Windrose. Understand that this is stressful and while I believe I can work through this, do not give him the chance to compromise my recovery. The professional integrity of the tournament bracket, seeding, and so forth should not change after this post. But the communal aspect has to be sensitive and supportive to my situation because I've been hurt very badly by one of our own. Don't make me sit in the same car as him for a long drive home.



By removing the secrecy of this event, I imagine Ryan's efforts in this respect should stop. But I've been wrong before. And I implore you, if a situation like STYC4 confronts you, to simply show me the same consideration I would show any of you.



My goal is not to divide or destroy the community. I just want to keep being a part of it. And I've done all I can from here; the rest is up to you. I know you won't let me down. You never do!



Sincerely, KirbyKaze