PARADISE—God, the omnipotent and omniscient Creator of the Universe who recently saw fit to allow the Cleveland Cavaliers to advance to the NBA Finals, expressed concern Tuesday that He might be causing the earthly city of Cleveland undue emotional anguish by doing so. "I can't help feeling that they who dwell in Cleveland and root for the Cavaliers have done nothing to warrant the dashing of their hopes after having them raised to such lofty heights," said God, who acknowledged that day-to-day life was bitter enough for city residents. "Although I move in mysterious ways, and in doing so often allow bad things to happen to good people, My grand design is usually glorious to behold. But the Cavs in the Finals…I don't know, maybe that's just plain mean." God is said to be particularly sensitive to looming tragedies in Cleveland recently, as the Indians have been playing better than expected, earthquake-level tension began building in a previously undetected geological slip-fault in the bedrock along the shores of Lake Erie, and the Browns drafted quarterback Brady Quinn.

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