In which Marco faces the trial of the lint catcher and the phantoms of his own decisions.

Chapter Text

'Don't' he kept reminding himself. Don't panic. Don't move. Don't yell. Don't cry. Marco couldn't risk it. Couldn't risk drawing attention to himself. Couldn't risk waking up the creature. It lay dormant now, all around him, clusters of pink sparkly lint, hiding a fearsome secret. But he had seen it, and he would not soon forget.

"Well, young squire, to clean the lint catcher, you need only to restart the fan. Such shall be your first quest, as has long been tradition among the Order of the Wash," had spoken Sir Lavabo, solemnly, five, maybe six, hours ago. At the time, Marco had thought the old soldier and Star were just making fun of him, sending him to do menial chores while the princess was otherwise busy playing board games with Tom. For all he knew, this 'Knight of the Wash', and his own corresponding position as a squire, were as fake as that damned meat blanket cape.

Now? Now he wished it had all been a joke. It was much better for your best friend to mock you, than it was for her to apparently send you to your death. Did Star really hate him that much?

The moment he had gotten close to the fan, a roaring cry had resounded all around him, and the discarded lint around the mechanism had coalesced into a gigantic creature, with tentacles for limbs and a circular maw full of sharp jagged fangs. It growled menacingly at him.

The human boy had retreated slowly then, under the many watchful eyes of the creature. Finally, as he was fully backed against a corner, the creature dissolved again into clumps of pink refuse.

Every time Marco made a move, or tried to speak, or so much as sneezed too loudly, the creature would begin to form again, and he would be forced right back into terrified stillness. Thus had been his existence for the past few hours, hours that had passed more slowly than most days did.

"Apologies, young squire, but I must now head to bed! I'll be back tomorrow, to check on your progress!" yelled the old knight from the outside. Before Marco had a chance to reply, to ask for help, the light coming from the door of the lint catcher went off. Now he was alone, in the dark, with the creature.

He was alone. Truly and completely alone. There were only two people who even knew he was here, and none of them seemed to care. Lavabo was just probably a few stitches short of a sweater vest if he considered this a good first task for an apprentice squire, and Star... Star was with Tom now. Not just Tom, she had a whole new life here on Mewni, and that life didn't seem to have a place for her old best friend.

He was going to die here. He would fall down from stress and exhaustion, then the creature would devour him in his sleep. Tomorrow’s dawn, the old crazy man would come back to ‘check on him’, and he would find only Marco’s discarded bones among the fuzz. He would go on to inform Star, who would shrug it off as an unfortunate accident. Maybe they would tell his parents, back on Earth. Or maybe, maybe no one back home would ever hear from him again. Not his parents, not his friends, not… Jackie. And if they did hear? Would they be sad? Or would they laugh at him? After all, he had spent the later half of summer bragging to them about how he was this great valiant knight, and now he was about to get devoured by discarded clothing fluff! He would laugh at himself, honestly, if he wasn’t so close to pissing his pants in terror.

He snapped out of it. Marco was not crazy, unlike that coot of a laundry knight. He knew his family and friends would care, would be heartbroken if he didn’t come back. He knew Star probably didn't know he was in danger, and that she would be mortified if Marco ever got hurt because of this. No matter what happened between the two of them, he could not imagine the princess ever wishing him harm of any kind.

But wasn't it at least somewhat irresponsible of her part to leave him on his own in what, for him, was a strange and dangerous dimension? I mean, back on Earth, he had needed to teach her how to cross the road, without getting run over by (or, let’s face it, without having to magically pummel) a car.

Like, alright, he hadn't had the best possible timing, and he got that Star was busy and her life was not as before, he really really did. And, fine, he should have given her some sort of heads up! But, well, he had meant for it to be a surprise! Apparently, it had been, just not a pleasant one like he had hoped. Even so, was it really too much to ask for her to take half a day off to show him around and make sure he was doing ok with his exchange program? He had done it for her!

Ok, no, that was a lie. He had panicked, jumped down from a window into a garden full of cacti, and ran to hide near the nearest convenience store. But that was before they knew each other, before they were friends. No, scratch that, not just friends, best friends.

Were they even best friends anymore?

He felt discarded. Abandoned. Refuse. Lint. What in the world could he have done to deserve this? To be shoved aside like this? He might not have gotten everything right, but he had been there for Star, when she needed him, back when the whole Toffee thing went down. She hadn't told him she was in danger, but he had decided to check up on her anyways, to risk his own life to come to her aid…

----

Marco yawned as he finally woke up. The groggy teenager looked over and saw that the digital alarm clock read ‘11:26 A.M.’

Great… he overslept again. He could feel that sort of tiredness in his body that came from resting too much. It was as if his body, now spoiled by the extra repose, had come to expect innaction as its default state.

Marco got up from the bed and stretched a little, though there was a high possibility that once he got some breakfast in him, he’d just come back here to sleep some more. That’s all he’d been doing since Summer started. Sleeping and waiting. Sleeping and waiting…

He looked around the room he’d been sulking in, the same room that so many exchange students had used for a year. Marco made a lot of great memories here, hanging out with awesome people like Gustav, Daniella, Pippo and Akil. Now all this room did was remind Marco of his best friend.

The more he thought about Star, the more worried he became.

There was a knock on the door.

“Marco? Are you awake? Jackie’s here. She wanted to know how you were doing.” It was his mom’s voice. Marco heard a muffled whisper after that, and knew his girlfriend was right outside the door as well. She probably only had Angie ask first to make sure he was decent.

“The door’s unlocked. She can come in,” Marco said in a raspy voice. Ugh, he was thirsty.

As Marco reached for his glass of water, the door opened and Jackie walked inside the room. It looked like she had brought some DVDs with her. He hoped they weren't those 'Dealing with Teen Sadness’ instructional videos. His parents had already bought him the full set.

“Hey Dude,” Jackie said, as she leaned casually on the door frame.

“Hi Jackie,” Marco said, still not fully awake yet.

Jackie made her way to the bed so she could sit besides Marco. “I take it you haven't heard back from Star.”

Marco shook his head. “No. I can't get a hold of her either. I tried calling her Compact Mirror, but it’s out of service.”

Jackie looked down, choosing her next words carefully. “Well, I’m sure she’s fine, and I don’t think she’d want you to spend all of your time worried sick about her.”

“I know, I know... What I’ve been doing hasn't exactly been healthy but...” Marco closed his eyes. “I can't help but be depressed about it! Like, this was going to be an epic Summer with the three of us all hanging out together. But then this drama happened, and Star looked so scared before she left and… and…”

Jackie grabbed Marco’s hand between both her palms. “Look, Star’s the toughest girl we know. I’m sure she can handle whatever she’s going through. Let’s have faith in her. I’m sure she will call, once she is done with whatever emergency came up.”

“Yeah. I guess so…” Marco sighed. Star was tough, but the fact that she left without even a hint as to what happened left him guessing. Mewni was sort of in chaos after Song Day. Did her parents force Star to come back to look for Glossaryck? Had Ludo made another move? Had her people rebelled once they knew the truth?

“And even if Star is away for awhile, we can still make the most of this Summer. So… to help get your mind off things, I went ahead and bought these Mackie Hand DVDs for us to watch. We can binge them at my place.”

Marco looked up. Wow, that was actually really thoughtful of her. Jackie had been trying to get him out the house for days. He had been so worried about Star, he didn't stop to realize how he must've been worrying Jackie. Any other girl would’ve been fed up with Marco by now.

“That... sounds really nice actually. I’d love to.” It would be nice to take a break from the stress.

Jackie smiled as she reached over to hug Marco, but she turned back after only a few seconds.

“Um, wow. Marco, have you showered recently?” Jackie asked.

Marco turned red. “Um, I forgot to yesterday. I should probably take one before we marathon Mackie, huh?” In truth, Marco had been wearing the same black jeans and red hoodie since the End-of-the-School-Year party, but he dared not admit that to Jackie.

“Yeah, you go do that. I’ll be chilling in your bedroom til you finish.”

“Wait. In my bedroom? You could just wait in the living room. My parents don’t bite, you know.”

Jackie smiled devilishly. “What’s wrong? Hiding something in there you don't want me to see?”

“N-no. Nothing like that. I just didn't think we were at that stage yet…”

“Relax. I’m not a snooper or anything. I just wanted to check out your Manga collection.”

Marco’s eyes widened. “You like Manga too?” He had no idea. He always pegged Jackie as too cool for comic books.

Jackie gave her boyfriend a kiss on the nose. “There's a lot we don't know about each other. That's what I’m trying to change before Summer ends.”

Too flustered to respond, Marco left the room and rushed to his bedroom to grab a new change of clothes. He then walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

As he began taking off his clothes, Marco couldn't help but notice the sink. Even though Star’s room had changed back to normal, all of her hygiene stuff was still there, scattered across the floor. It at least gave Marco hope that Star might come back one day to retrieve it all. I mean, who’d leave behind a magic floating hairdryer like that?

Marco stepped into the shower and turned on the hot water, letting his greasy hair get soaked. As the shower went on, he started to feel the energy come back to him. Showers always did help revitalize him.

Once he was fully satisfied, Marco stepped out of the shower and dried himself off. He then put his new clothes on and walked over to his bedroom.

He saw Jackie was sitting on his bed, holding his dimensional scissors in her hand. Her fingers wrapped around both closed blue handles, right below the fiery eye sigil. On the blades, he saw his own name, briefly highlighted by reflecting light from the window.

Well, so much for her not being a snooper. Marco was pretty sure he put those inside his dresser.

“Marco, what are these?” she asked.

Marco gulped. He really didn't want to explain Hekapoo’s scissor quest. It was a really long story, and one for another time. He decided to keep his explanation as simple as possible.

“They’re… dimensional scissors. They’re what allow Star to go from Mewni to Earth.”

“And you just… had these this whole time?”

“Um… yeah.” Marco thought that was pretty obvious. His name was on them and everything.

Jackie stood up. “Why haven't you used these to find Star?”

“I… I…” Marco was somewhat at a lost for words. He didn't expect that kind of reaction from Jackie. What happened to just having faith in Star?

Jackie continued to stare him down.

“I just think… that based on how Star acted that night, it’s clear she doesn't want me involved with what she’s going through.”

“But aren't you worried about her? What if she’s in danger? It’s already been a week since she left...”

“Of course I’m worried!” Marco said. “But I’m not going there just to get in the way. I’d only be a liability.”

“That’s ridiculous. You fought Monsters with her all the time. You wouldn't be some helpless damsel.”

“Jackie, please listen.” Marco took a deep breath. “I know fighting Ludo’s monsters might’ve seemed like a big deal to you, and it did to me at first too. I honestly felt super badass the first time I fought them with Star. But spend one day in Mewni and you’d realize how outclassed I am. Heck, I almost died during one of her family picnics!”

Jackie froze. There was a reason Marco didn't tell her how dangerous hanging out with Star was.

“Trust me, I know I wouldn't be any help to her. I’m just a kid. If I recklessly go to Mewni without knowing the full story, I’ll just get myself in trouble, and next thing you know, Star is destroying her wand just to bail me out.” That was still a painful memory to recall.

Marco clenched his fist. He hated admitting how weak he was, but it was true. It took him 16 years just to get to the same level as Hekapoo. That alone told him how he wasn't ready for this. If only he could take his adult body to Mewni!

Jackie put her hand on Marco’s shoulder. “You’re selling yourself short, dude. You’re right, I’ve never been to Mewni, and I don't have a good point of reference, but can you honestly tell yourself that Star would’ve always been fine without you constantly backing her up?”

Marco thought back to a particular night. A night where Star almost got her face lasered off by an ugly elephant princess. It’s true that if Marco wasn't there, her life could've been over. There were actually a lot of times he’d saved her…well, maybe not a lot, but some… What if this turned out to be one of those times, and he wasn’t there?

“Also, are you sure it’s just confidence issues that are preventing you from seeing Star?” Jackie asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Um… Star saying she has a crush on you?” she pressed, suddenly frowning a bit.

“W-what does that have to do with anything?”

“Well, you’ve kind of been avoiding talking about it with me, so…”

Marco blinked. “You think I haven't been looking for Star because of that?”

“Not saying that's the reason. Just, you know, a potential one...”

Marco sat down on his desk chair. He couldn’t believe his girlfriend would accuse him of something so petty.

Sure, Star’s confession left Marco with… conflicted feelings, but he honestly hadn't thought about it at all. He was more concerned with her safety.

Jackie inched slightly closer to Marco while staying on his bed. “I think we should talk about it.”

Marco didn't say anything. He wouldn't even know where to begin.

Jackie took Marco’s silence as refusal. “Come on, Marco. I know this is awkward, but things aren't gonna magically go back to the way they were if we just ignore this. It’ll just make things more awkward.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“I don't know? Something? Is that too much to ask? Right after Star said all that stuff to you and left, you didn't talk to me for the rest of the night.”

“I was kind of freaking out for the rest of that night, Jackie.” ...and panicking, and hyperventilating, and crying...

“Still, do you know how that made me feel?”

Marco rubbed the back of his head. “Jackie, I’m really sorry about that, but-”

“And no offense to Star, but did she really, really need to tell you that in front of everyone? Why does she always have to make a giant show out of everything?” asked Jackie, her expression hardening ever so slightly.

She had a point. That was a little too much. But if Song Day was anything to go by, making a giant show of little things was Butterfly tradition. Star didn't mean any harm by it. “I’m… also sorry if she embarrassed you.”

“And now there are rumors going on about us, which I had the pleasure of hearing all week." Jackie sighed, as if emotionally exhausted. "I can't even make a few steps in public without being stopped by gossipers.”

“I’m sorry about that too.” Marco said, somewhat lamely.

Jackie didn't respond. It was clear Marco’s apologies alone wouldn't be enough. “Do you know which rumor seems to be the favorite? That once Star left, you had this sudden epiphany of how much you love her. So you broke up with me on the spot and left Earth to track her down and tell her how you really feel.”

Marco couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of that tale. His classmates really did have active imaginations. “What?! That is ridiculous! I haven't left Earth once since that night.”

“It is ridiculous, but what was I supposed to tell them? 'Oh, Marco’s still here. He just hasn't left his house at all. He’s been spending all of his time depressed about Star being gone while sleeping in her old room. We’re definitely still together though.’" Marco had to admit that really wasn't much better, now that he thought about it. "I know they’re just dumb rumors, but… I’m really unsure about us right now.”

Yeah, maybe he did go a little overboard with his grieving…

Now Marco really started to see where she was coming from. To him it was obvious he was still Jackie’s boyfriend. It’s what he wanted to be for years and just thinking about it now made him giddy, but he never bothered to reassure her once. He really did become too focused on Star.

Marco remembered how Star was planning to keep her crush on him a secret for the remainder of her time on Earth. She was the reason Marco was able to work up the courage to even approach Jackie in the first place. She wouldn’t let her own feelings get in the way of that. That truly said everything about what a great friend she is.

Star wouldn’t have felt compelled to say all that stuff the way she did, in front of everyone, in front of Jackie, unless she was sure she’d never be able to see them again. It wasn’t just an awkward confession to Marco, but a tearful goodbye to nearly every friend she’d made that last year.

Something serious really did go down in Mewni. Marco was positive about that. Star didn’t want him involved, likely to protect him, and he didn’t want to repeat the same mistake he made at the Blood Moon Ball. He wasn’t Star’s hero, he was her friend. He’d respect her wish for him to stay on Earth, and only leave once she herself asked for his help (whatever good that’d be).

Afterall, it wasn’t like she was alone. Marco had seen her father in action plenty of times, and while he never saw much of Star’s mother, he knew she was capable of powerful magic even without a wand. Oh yeah! And the Magic High Commission! He got his ass handed to him by Hekapoo plenty of times to know how crazy powerful she was, and she was just one member.

Yeah, Star had no shortage of powerful allies. She would be fine. He needed to relax. He needed to focus on cheering up Jackie. And most importantly, he needed to set the record straight with her.

Marco got off his chair and sat besides Jackie.

“Jackie, I’m so sorry. I am worried about Star, because she’s my best friend. But that doesn’t mean I’m in love with her. You’re my girlfriend, Jackie, and I feel like a jerk for making you question that fact for even a second. You were right, I just need to have faith that Star can handle her own problems. I’m not going to sulk in that room anymore.”

Jackie looked shocked at Marco’s apology. To her it must’ve been like talking to a completely different person than the one from a few seconds ago. “Really?”

“Of course! I’m ready to start acting like your boyfriend again. In fact, let’s put an end to those stupid rumors today. We can go to the park right now and you can start teaching me how to skateboard. That’s something you’ve always wanted, right? Then everyone from school can see we are very much a couple. I mean… if you’d like to… of course.” Marco was fine with doing anything as long as it cheered her up.

Jackie beamed at Marco. “I’d… love to. I couldn’t imagine a better way to spend my day, honestly.”

Marco grabbed Jackie’s hands. “Then let’s go. We’ll save the DVDs for later. We have to buy me a skateboard and some safety gear first.” He attempted to leave the room with her but Jackie loosened her grip on Marco.

“We’ll have to hold off on it. We can do all that wonderful stuff once you come back from Mewni.” Huh? Marco was really confused now.

“Jackie, I’m not going to Mewni. Star doesn’t want me there.” She may not have told Marco that directly, but he knew it was true.

“But Star might be in danger. And I know deep down you’re still worried. I’m worried for her too.”

Everyone was worried about Star. Marco's parents had been trying to put on brave faces for the sake of their son, but they’ve definitely been concerned over their daughter from Mewni. Janna and Starfan13 probably weren’t any different. Marco even heard from his mom that Oskar Greason came by to see if she came back yet.

"So, well, if not for her sake, and not for your's..." Jackie held Marco by the cheek. “Can you at least do it for me?”

Marco nodded.

“Okay. I’ll go.” He wasn’t just doing it for Jackie. He desperately wanted to go as well, but at least with Jackie’s request he wouldn’t feel like he was being selfish.

“Great. I don’t want you to come back until you confirm Star’s okay.”

“But… what it that takes longer than an afternoon? If I’m gone, won’t you have those rumors to deal with?” he asked, concerned.

“I’m fine, dude," Jackie dismissed the issue with a wave and a smile. "I can handle a bunch of silly rumors. I just wanted to know where we stand.”

Marco was happy to have dispelled her fears.

"Now go make sure Star’s okay. And when you do come back, I’d be thrilled to see you crush it on a board. Just, dude, make sure you take a shower beforehand,” she laughed.

Marco chuckled. “Okay. It's a date.”

The two teenagers shared a kiss together. If you asked him, Marco couldn't have said why, but for some reason it felt better than the kiss at the Love Sentence concert, and even better than his first kiss at the park. When it was over, Marco and Jackie smiled at each other.

Marco then rushed out of the room and into the kitchen. There was one important thing he didn’t want to forget to take with him. It took him over a minute, but once he remembered where he hid them, he brought them back up to his bedroom.

“What is that?” Jackie asked. Looking at the box in Marco’s hands.

“Captain Blanche’s Sugar Seeds. They’re Star’s favorite cereal.”

“Heh. How thoughtful.” Jackie handed Marco his scissors.

Marco opened the scissors and cut a portal into the air. He gave his girlfriend one last confident nod before disappearing inside.

----

Marco realized, as he stood there in the dark barrel of the lint catcher, that he never did make good on his promise to Jackie. They never did go skating after that. He had been so wrapped up on his little summer adventure in Mewni, and his delusions of being a knight, that he had neglected his girlfriend. Again.

Months ago, before they even started dating, Marco had said that he wanted to get to know the real Jackie. But time after time, his actions told a different story. Did he really care about Jackie for Jackie, or only about what she represented in his mind? No wonder she had broken up with him!

What was worse was that Jackie had basically done it for his sake, not hers, despite how terrible of a boyfriend he’d been. She was always pushing him to go after the things he truly wanted, even if it meant letting him go. He had wanted to come to Mewni and, not once, but twice, Jackie had given him the excuse to do so.

Well, here he was! Back on Mewni. Wasn't it great? Alone. Cold. Tired. Scared. About to be devoured by a gigantic fuzz monster.

He couldn't blame Jackie, or his friends, for it. They had only helped him do what he wanted to do. It was not their fault that he had lied to them, lied to himself. He had gotten so wrapped up on the emotions that followed Toffee's defeat, that he didn't even realize how small his own involvement with that whole affair had been.

He had been bragging to them about being this great knight, just because River had hinted at the possibility that he might one day be one. Even if the king had been serious in his offer and not just making a fool of him, what did Marco really have to brag about? He had busted Star out of jail briefly, only to get captured right after. Like, right right after. Like, before-they-got-out-of-the-door after! If he hadn't come to Mewni for her, things would have likely turned out exactly the same in the end, with or without Marco.

Now it turned out, he was not even cut to be a squire, let alone a knight. Best case scenario, he would hold out here until the morning, then cry to Lavabo to let him out. He would go back to Earth and apologize to Jackie, to his friends, to his family. He should apologize to Star too, now that he thought about it. Remembering that conversation with Jackie also reminded him of another thing he didn't do.

He never talked to Star about her confession! No wonder she was pissed at him! She had told him she had a crush on him, he had lived with her in Mewni for a week after Toffee was vanquished, and in all that time, he never gave her an answer! I mean, he supposed it was an answer by omission. Still, that was hardly fair.

It’s just, well, it was awkward to bring it up, because... because he didn't feel the same way. Did he? And because he was with Jackie at the time. And now she was with Tom, and it must be awkward for her to be around Marco and... oh, crap!

Small wonder Star didn't want him in the castle! Duh! How could he have been so blind? He had wanted them to go back to how things were before the summer, before Song Day, before her confession. And maybe they would have been, if he had had the guts to at least talk to her about what he wanted.

If he had asked to remain friends, just friends, instead of walking in and out of her life at random, without ever acknowledging what she had told him about her own feelings. Why is that he hadn't been able to at least say that?

He couldn't blame Star either. He couldn't blame anyone else for where he was right now. It was he who had come to Mewni, he who had asked to become a squire, he who had walked every step of the way that led here... to his very probable death... and he was going to walk every step of the way out as well.

Marco closed his eyes in determination. His hand went inside the inner pocket of his red hoodie, and took out a pair of blue handled scissors. He was done waiting in fear. He was done feeling sorry for himself.

First of all, he had a way out, so he definitely wasn’t dying. That was just the self-pity talking.

He focused his thoughts on the warm morning California sun, and cut his first portal home. He wasn’t going to go through it. Not except as a last resort. But the light, flowing across dimensions, illuminated the scene around him.

He saw the inside of the wooden barrel, crisscrossed by strange mechanisms that seemed, at once rather archaic, and also far beyond what he would have expected to find in a medieval kingdom. He saw the clumps of pink glittery lint all around him, and he saw them begin to flow towards the front of the lint catcher’s fan. Slowly, awoken by the light, the creature begun to take shape again.

This time, Marco was ready. To say he wasn’t scared would be a lie, he was still terrified. But he was even more determined than he was afraid. He was ready.

He took out his blue cape - well, King River’s meat blanket, really - and laid it hanging over his left arm, hiding his right hand behind the fabric. He clicked his heels together, stood tall, glanced at the beast defiantly, and shouted, “Ole!!”

Like bull towards bullfighter, the lint creature charged towards Marco, propelling itself from the floor and walls of the lint catcher with its many tentacles. The human boy waited, and waited, as the monstrosity drew closer and closer to him. Then, in the last minute, he moved his arm, removing the cape from the way, and with his hidden hand, the hand holding the dimensional scissors, he cut open a portal.

He jumped up and backwards, making the opening as large as he could. It was not enough. Not enough to get the huge creature, despite its pliable form, to go through the portal. But he did manage to get its face, and most of its mouth, stuck through the swirling dimensional gateway. Somewhere over the black empty void, an unimaginable distance away from here, the missing half of the monster roared.

Marco didn’t miss his chance, he ran as fast as he could, avoiding the blindly swatting tentacles that remained this side of the portal. Soon he reached his goal: the fan.

He looked for a mechanism to restart it, and, finding none, resorted to pulling on the ventilator’s blades. When his grasp wasn't enough to move it, he jumped on it, lifting himself up the ground and gripping the downwards-heading blade with both hands, using the weight of his whole body.

It didn’t budge. Crap! It was stuck. Try as he might, Marco was not strong enough, nor heavy enough, to restart the fan on his own. Behind him, he heard trashing and struggling, and finally a snapping sound. A shadow began to rise, covering up the light from his first portal.

He turned to look back, and what he saw confirmed his fears. The creature had pulled its maw from the portal and now looked back at Marco with what he imagined to be vengeful anger. Instead of jumping at him again, the creature extended a single tentacle in his direction. It moved in a straight line, like an uncoiling spring.

“Ah-ya!” Marco shouted, as he tried to block the incoming punch with his own arm. His form was flawless, but he could not match the force of the incoming strike.

He barely managed to avoid getting snared by the tentacle as its punch threw him head first into the floor. Despite the fluffy appearance of its constituting material, this creature was stronger, way stronger, than him.

Wait a minute! It was stronger than him. Strong enough for sure to…

Marco smiled.

He took the dimensional scissors into his hand again, and waited. The creature seemed to hesitate.

“Come on, come on,” Marco muttered under his breath.

Finally, with a piercing cry, the lint monster threw a second extending tentacle punch his way. Marco turned around and cut, and the creature’s appendage fell straight through the portal.

The other end opened up, not back on Earth, not into the void, but inside that same room: an inch above one of the fan’s blades. Marco jumped right then, out of the way. He grasped one of the tubes on the wall the very second the creature’s punch unstuck the mechanism, and the fan roared back to life.

Briefly, the creature roared in return, before it was sucked out of the trap, ripped apart piece by piece, by the rotating blower.

“Yes! Take that!” Marco yelled victorious. “Who’s a genius? Marco Diaz! Marco Diaz!” he chanted to himself. There might have been some unbecoming hip motions involved.

So much for not making it as a squire! At this rate, he would be a true knight in no time. ‘Just you watch, King River! Just you watch!’ he thought, as he made sure to fold the blue meat blanket right into his hoodie’s long pocket, and put the scissors aside.

Oh, he couldn’t wait to tell Star about this! She would be so jealous that she missed out on such an adventure. He ran out of the lint catcher, skipping and jumping. He ran down the wooden stairs of the barrel contraption, and up the infinitely larger stone stairs that led back to Mewni castle.

Just wait until he told his bestie about the way he had used the scissors! The way he had stood up to a monster five times his size and beaten it with flair and ingenuity. It had been so freaking cool! And he’d done it all on his own this time. Hell, he could tell folks back in Echo Creek how he had used his cape like a matador! Dad would be so proud of him! Bullfighting had always been somewhat of a guilty pleasure to watch for his old man, despite being otherwise a gentle soul.

His joy was somewhat dashed when he found himself blocked by a huge closed wooden gate. By that, and by the business end of two halberds pointed towards his ribcage.

“Who is there?” asked one of the two guards flanking the door. “No one is to enter the castle at this hour!”

“Hey, no, no, sorry, didn’t mean to startle you guys. It’s just me, Marco,” he apologized, putting both hands in the air. “I am friends with Star. I just wanted to tell her something…”

Roaring laughter from the other guard was his response.

“Friends with the princess? Really? Looking like that?!” underneath its metal helmet, the second guard shook his head at Marco. “Please, kid. You are covered in dust, and dressed in rags. If you want to sneak into the castle to steal some corn or something, you should make a better lie than that… now, move it along. You are not in trouble, yet, but don’t press your luck, ok boy?”

They didn’t believe him? Marco stood there for a moment, shocked. But, but, he was friends with Star. He had been seen with her in the castle, multiple times, before. He had been there for the battle against Toffee! Hell, he had been there for Song Day!

Wait, Song Day, that was it!

“Oh, come on, guys! Don’t you remember Star’s princess song?”

The first guard responded coldly then, “By order of Moon the Undaunted, any mention about the rumors and calumnies regarding the Royal Book of Spells is to be considered…”

“What?! No, not that,” Marco waved his hands around dismissing that line of questioning. The last thing he wanted was to get Star’s family in any more trouble. “You know: ‘Who is the boy in the earthly attire’? ‘Star Butterfly yada yada best friend’? ‘His name is Marco Diaz’?!”

“Oh,” the second guard seemed to recall then. “Yeah, I remember, something about some Earth prince that the princess was in love with? But, come on, kid. Are you expecting us to believe that guy was you? That’s even worse than your first story. Reilly, I am beginning to believe the kid is delusional…” he ‘whispered’ to his colleague.

“I am not delusional. I am Marco Diaz!” he shouted, becoming increasingly frustrated.

“Look, kid, even if you were. Everyone knows the princess is dating the Prince Lucitor these days,” the second guard added. “Is not like we would just let in her bitter ex-boyfriend anyways, so your tale doesn’t even help you…”

“I… I see… nevermind then, sorry for wasting your time,” spoke Marco defeated. He turned away. He was not her ex, though, he was her best friend... Wasn’t he?

As he began descending down the long stone staircase that led back to the laundry room, he remembered he still had the scissors. He took them out, grasped the blue handle firmly, saw his name reflected in the gleaming metal. Who cared what these guards thought? He didn’t need their permission. He could cut open a portal right to Star’s room whenever he wanted!

But then again, wasn’t that what had gotten him in this trouble in the first place? Crashing into Star’s life, unannounced... unwanted?

Marco sighed. He did open a portal, not to Star’s room, but rather back to the laundry room, to the dark empty barrel of the lint catcher. There was no monster there anymore, and no fuzz to rest on, only the hard bare wooden floor. He extended his hoodie between himself and the planks, and River’s meat blanket over his own body, as he laid to rest. There, to the monotonous rumbling of the lint catcher’s fan, the Squire of the Wash fell asleep.

Tomorrow would be another, hopefully better, day.