Stephen Colbert, Trevor Noah, and Samantha Bee took aim at the Trump administration’s tax plan and John Kelly’s comments about the civil war

Late-night hosts on Wednesday addressed the Trump administration’s tax proposal, Fox News’ willingness to politicize the New York City terror attack, and John Kelly’s tenure as chief of staff.

“Last night the president shared his thoughts and condolences,” Stephen Colbert began, referring to the terrorist attack in New York City that left eight dead and 13 wounded. “This morning it was time for politics.”

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Colbert then showed Trump saying he wants to do away with the diversity visa lottery program in favor of a “merit-based” policy. “We all want merit-based, sir,” Colbert responded. “But you’re still the president.”

“Donald Trump also took some time to tweet about his proposed tax cut,” the host continued, reading Trump’s tweet about the GOP’s tax reform proposal aloud.

“But the Republicans have been having trouble finalizing their bill,” Colbert explained. “It was supposed to come out today but they delayed it until tomorrow. And now we know why: Trump and congressional leaders can’t agree on a name for the bill. Apparently calling it the Koch Brothers All-American Up-Tricklin’ Cash-Grab-a-Rama was a little on the nose.”



“When the whole process started House speaker Paul Ryan kicked the name over to Trump because of his penchant for branding,” Colbert said. “Yeah, he’s a branding genius. Where does he come up with these incredible inventive names? Trump Tower, Trump Steaks, Trump University, Donald Trump Jr.”



“So what did Trump come back with?” the host asked. “Ladies and gentleman, I give you the actual name our president proposed for his tax bill: the Cut, Cut, Cut Act.”

“That name truly … sucks, sucks, sucks,” the host replied.



Trevor Noah of Comedy Central discussed the fallout from Tuesday’s terrorist attack, including Fox News’ aversion to politicizing last month’s Vegas massacre and the network’s quick attempt to turn the New York City attacks into an immigration problem.

“President Trump decided just hours after the attack to make this an immigration issue,” Trevor Noah said. “Which is a little confusing because when a neo-Nazi killed someone by plowing their car into a group of people in Charlottesville, Trump took a very different approach.”

Noah then showed footage from the president’s press conference after the August Charlottesville murder, in which he defended his equivocal response by saying he wanted to wait until all the facts were out.

“So when it was a Nazi Trump needed more facts,” Noah said. “When it was a Muslim that was the only fact that he needed. Now the president is still pretty new to politics so, other than being a fundamentally dishonest person, where did he learn to do this? From the same place that he learns everything: the Trump intelligence briefing, AKA Fox News.”



Trevor Noah on Fox News.

“Just a month ago after Vegas, a mass shooting by a white guy, Fox’s reaction was the polar opposite of how they’re reacting after New York: a terror attack by a Muslim immigrant,” Noah explained, showing clips of the network’s coverage of both Vegas, where they maligned democrats for raising the issue of gun control, and New York City, to which they responded by urging tougher immigration policy.



“Clearly for Fox you can politicize things as long as it’s not guns,” the host continued. “Here’s my opinion: I don’t think politicize needs to be a dirty word, unlike the words chunky or moist. I think tragedies like what happened in Vegas and New York City should be politicized, because politics is how society works to solve problems. You could still be sensitive to the victims but you should be working to politicize it.”



Samantha Bee of TBS discussed John Kelly’s statements regarding Robert E Lee and the civil war.

“At a time like this it is important to focus on the things that make us happy, like indictments!” Bee began. “Just picture it: our snake pit of a White House is slithering around giving each other the side-eye, wondering who’s wearing a wire.”

“But it couldn’t last. We knew when the first indictment dropped that the Trump team would immediately do something frantically racist to distract us from how they pillaged our democracy for some nice rugs,” she continued. “The only surprise was who was doing the reciting this time.”



Bee then showed clips of the White House chief of staff, John Kelly, in an interview with Fox News, praising Robert E Lee as an “honorable man” and claiming the civil war began because of the “lack of an ability to compromise”.

“OK, fuck all the way off with that revisionist both-sides bullshit,” Bee responded. “John Kelly, how could you talk like this? You were supposed to be the one we didn’t have to watch like a hawk. You were supposed to be the hawk. What happened to July John Kelly?”

Referring to the public perception of Kelly when he was first made chief of staff in July, Bee went on: “Even I did a segment on how not completely awful he was. He seemed like he got it. Remember Trump’s batshit insane speech to the UN when we all took comfort in Kelly’s devastated face-palm. But Kelly didn’t suddenly become a racist dick bag when the leaves turned.”



“John Kelly has been showing us for a very long time,” the host continued. “Kelly was the guy in charge of two of Trump’s most racist policies: banning Muslims and deporting Mexicans. You don’t put someone in that position unless they’re a true believer.”



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Bee then showed a segment from Kelly’s recent appearance on Fox & Friends, where he said 75% of the people being deported by Ice are criminals and the other 25% are “not the valedictorians”.

“So they’re the B-plus students? Build the wall!” Bee joked. “Wait a minute. This is all feeling really familiar. The voice of reason in the White House. The adult in the room. The moderating presence. That same alluring smile. You guys, John Kelly is Ivanka. We cannot keep doing this.”