

Thoughts 01-03-2007 - Cloverfield Monster Revealed! The Cloverfield monster has finally been revealed and as we all expected, its Conan O'Brien. The freakishly pale, lanky late show host had been off the air until recently supposedly because of the writers guild strike. The strike has been a convenient cover-up for this blockbuster movie secret. A lot of people are assuming that Cloverfield is just another Godzilla movie. If you watch the previews closely you can see Conan's distinctive hairstyle peaking out from behind one of the buildings in New York. This all may seem like a big shock to a lot of people but if you think about it makes perfect sense. Why would they spend all this time hyping a movie like Cloverfield if its just going to end up being what everyone expects? Dazzle everyone with some special effects and distract them with a writer's strike then catch them off guard with a 300 foot tall Conan O'Brien stomping down Broadway doing the string dance. The people behind this marketing campaign are obviously some kind of genetic mutants with gigantic brains. I'm just hoping that Conan battles Pimp Bot 5000 in the film. 12-28-2007 George W. Bush underwent an operation late last night to remove a small tumor from his prefrontal cortex. The tumor had been causing him to suffer from delusions such as hearing God tell him to free the people of Iraq and to believe that global warming doesn't exist. Bush woke up from the surgery early this morning and is already coherent and talking with his wife and daughters. He told Laura that the first thing he does when he gets out of the hospital is to apologize to the people of Iraq and withdraw forces as soon as possible. He said that because of the tumor he was under the impression that he was in a movie where he was responsible for avenging his father after a failed assassination attempt by Saddam Hussein. He was also being spoken to by Jesus who told him to free the people of Iraq and to clear all the brush from his land. Bush also plans to correct a lot of his previous Presidential decisions since they were made while he wasn't in full control of his faculties. His ban on government funded stem-cell research is going to be overturned as well as his veto of SCHIP. Bush said shortly after waking up, "I don't talk too good and because of this people think I'm ignorant. Talking in front of people hurts my head bone. I want to assure the American people that the odd decisions I made during my terms in office were cause by this brain tumor, not my speech (sic) inperdiments. I will use the time left in my term to try and correct things and put America back on the path to being great again. Again, I am sorry for being such a giant douche bag over the last 7 years." 12-20-2007 The Chinese lead epidemic continues on. A recent shipment of hula-hoops from China was found to contain 1500% more lead than what is legally allowed. Several children and one fat guy have already been admitted to hospitals around the country for lead related incidents. This goes to show you that profits will always come before the well being of people. One hula-hoop weighed in at a staggering 125lbs and shattered the foot of a 12 year old child. The fat guy mentioned above herniated two discs in

his spine while trying to carry one into the house to wrap as a Christmas present for his son. His neighbor was quoted as saying, "People still give hula-hoops as Christmas presents? What a cheap bastard." All these incidents will hopefully wake up our government and cause them to increase the checks on imports from China. We already have a large trade deficit from them and letting them get away with sending us shoddy products will just embolden them into sending us more crap and giving them even higher profit margins. With all this extra money they will become an even stronger competitor to us in the global market.



Its hard to believe that some lead filled toys could be the beginning of the end of America's superpower status.

12-19-2007 Try this out. Create a new text file and open it in Notepad. Type Bush hid his farts then save the file and close it. Reopen the file and see what happens.



Why does this occur? Obviously its because the whereabouts of George W. Bush's farts have been classified for national security reasons. Notepad.exe has been a safe haven for terrorist activities for years and Microsoft finally gave into government requests to lock it down so it can't be used for evil purposes.



I have no qualms against securing our country but Bush is an elected official and I believe that all of his gaseous emissions should be public knowledge. Our tax dollars pay for the food that creates those farts and, damn it, we have the right to know about them.



When Bush is overseas all of his bowel movements are kept sealed on Air Force One to keep foreign intelligence officers from collecting samples of it. I say let them have it. We get enough of Bush's shit everyday in the news and I think the rest of the world should have to suffer from it too.