Winter has not yet reached Toronto and, in the lull between seasons, Jermain Defoe faces the strangeness of his new life. The late October days are mild rather than bitingly cold and, amid warm laughter and sharp insights, Defoe also confronts the fear of everything he will lose when football ends. He turned 32 this month and after a first campaign in Major League Soccer, in which he scored 11 goals in 19 games for Toronto FC, Defoe is in a reflective mood. His season began promisingly but ended in the frustration of missing the play-offs and being doubted and injured.

The striker, who missed 10 of Toronto’s last 15 games and has not scored since 26 July, removes the Premier League muzzle which reduces even intelligent footballers to mumbling automatons. Defoe talks openly now: “It does scare me, the thought of finishing. I think about it but I still feel good. I remember Gary Neville saying that, after one game, he asked himself: ‘Can I still do it at this level?’ He’s such an honest player, who achieved so much, he decided to finish. I will know when that day comes for me and I’ll be sad. I’ll miss it so much. It’ll be weird to wake up in the morning and not go training or stick the ball in the back of the net. When I finish maybe I’ll play Sunday league.” Defoe cackles and thinks of home. “Yeah, go back to east London and find me a Sunday league team.”

The poignant amusement does not stop him answering instantly when asked how long he might play professional football. “Eight years,” he says, smiling, but sounding defiant. “It’s about being dedicated and looking after your body. When I’m fit I feel so sharp. As you get older you feel stronger because you know your body. You know the days when you need to train or rest.”

An hour earlier, at the BMO Stadium, the press gathered around Toronto’s media officer. They wanted to interrogate Defoe, who had missed training and played his last game of the season.

“Jermain’s not talking today,” the official said. “Good riddance,” a reporter sneered while another grumbled about the England international who was meant to inspire Toronto to their first play-off appearance. They appear convinced Defoe wants to go home and some blame his mother, Sandra, for engineering a plan to return to the Premier League. Defoe’s situation had been soured by a statement made last month by Tim Leiweke, Toronto’s president. Leiweke brought David Beckham to LA Galaxy and he seems to enjoy the sound of his own voice.

Jermain Defoe missed 10 of Toronto’s last 15 games and has failed to score for the club since 26 July. Photograph: Victor Biro for the Guardian/Demotix

After fevered speculation that Defoe was being chased by numerous Premier League clubs, Leiweke said: “I personally don’t think Defoe will come back. If he doesn’t want to be here, you get rid of him. If you don’t want to be here, get the hell out of our way.”

Leiweke praised Beckham’s dedication and implied Defore lacked the same commitment. It has been difficult for Defoe ever since and all the excitement surrounding his signing, which Toronto had trumpeted as “a bloody big deal”, has curdled.

It does not take long in Defoe’s company for his disappointment to emerge. “When I saw the comments I was hurt. It’s so far from the truth. Football and commitment? Come on, man, that’s built into me. That stems from my family, my mum, my nan, my granddad. They worked hard their whole lives. I’ve always been that way. I’ve always dedicated myself to football and worked hard for the team and scored goals.

“It was hurtful. In England, at all the clubs I’ve played for, no one ever said that. I was at Tottenham 10 years and no manager or chairman ever said that. I’ve heard managers say I’m the most committed player they’ve ever had. I can say this because it’s the truth. I don’t drink. I take care of my body. That’s why, at 32, I’m sharper than ever. My record here, even restricted by injury, is good. I always want to play well and score goals. I had that same attitude on the playground. I always want that buzz of winning and scoring. Nothing gets close to it.”

Defoe talks urgently as he savours the enduring intensity of this passion. “Sometimes you reflect on life. I’ve come from growing up in east London, and so when people say negative things I think: ‘If only you knew where I came from you’d respect me more.’ We’re just a normal working-class family with parents who had to work three jobs to provide things like boots. That’s why I never go through the motions.”

He scored two goals on his Toronto debut in Seattle and Defoe was hailed as the best MLS signing since Beckham and Thierry Henry. Everything changed when he returned to London to see a specialist about a long-standing groin injury in August. Defoe was engulfed in transfer madness.

“I’ve had it my whole career,” he says. “When the window opens there’s going to be interest. I’ve come here and I’m scoring goals. People back home knew but it became so big because there were lots of changes here. Ryan Nelsen [his former Tottenham team-mate who was sacked as Toronto’s coach] had brought me here and he left. Then it came out Tim Leiweke was leaving soon. Clubs back home saw an opportunity to maybe come and get me.”

Jermain Defoe in action for Toronto FC against New York Red Bulls on 11 October in New Jersey. His side lost 3-1. Photograph: Tim Clayton/Corbis

Tugging at his diamond-studded earlobe, and shrugging at a surreal existence, Defoe details the life of a modern footballer. “Your agent phones you. He says: ‘Right, this club has just called me – blah-blah-blah. They want to speak to Toronto. They want to do a deal – either a loan or something permanent.’ As a player you’re just sitting back, not really knowing what’s going on. Then on Sky Sports News, on deadline day, I was going to QPR. The transfer talk kicked off. It was crazy.”

Was he close to joining QPR? “I really don’t know but Harry [Redknapp] wanted me. I remember speaking to Harry months ago and he said: ‘Yeah, in the off-season you’re going to come train and play for us and score goals.’ But I was at home seeing other things – like ‘Jermain Defoe might be going to Newcastle’. I’m thinking: ‘What? That’s news to me.’ It was mad. If a new club wants you they speak to your agent or the club you’re at. As a player you’re often in the dark.”

Now that the regular MLS season has ended, what happens next? “I’ll probably head back to London, see friends and family, get my injury sorted and rest. It feels like I’ve played two seasons on the spin. I signed for Toronto in January and my season had started in August [2013] with Spurs and I haven’t stopped. Maybe that’s why I’ve been getting these little injuries. My body needs to shut down and heal up.”

It seems as if a loan spell at a Premier League club, and a permanent return to England in January, is likelier than another season in Toronto. “I can’t say what’s going to happen because I really don’t know. But I like Toronto. It’s a really nice city. And it’s amazing when the sun’s out. Obviously, the football’s different. The Premier League is one of the best in the world. Even compared to La Liga and Serie A it’s faster, and the tempo of the game is incredible. You always have to think quick and be sharp.

“In England every game is electric but the fans here are good and quite noisy. I’ve liked going to Seattle and New York and I’ve played against some good players. Even David Beckham said recently how much the league has improved. He played a big part in that – along with Thierry. It’ll get even better.”

His MLS adventure was also affected by his dejection when Roy Hodgson called to explain that, after 19 goals in 55 internationals, Defoe had not been selected for the World Cup. “In my heart I really thought I was going. I thought the manager should know what I’d bring in terms of goals. Even as a sub I’d expect to get goals and that’s important in tournaments. I’d been involved in every squad leading to the World Cup and all of a sudden I’m not needed? It was hard to take. All he said was that he wants to go with young players but I thought my experience, and playing in two big tournaments, and scoring at a World Cup before, would help.”

Jermain Defoe says that Roy Hodgson never suggested that playing in MLS would harm his England career. Photograph: Victor Biro for the Guardian/Demotix

Did Hodgson suggest playing in MLS had ruined Defoe’s England career? “No, but maybe he should have. I think that might have been the reason but he didn’t say it.” He laughs when asked if he avoided the World Cup. “I watched every game. That’s just me. I love football. It was a good World Cup with lots of goals.”

Considering England’s habitual failure Defoe echoes a familiar lament. “There’s more pressure on England than any other nation. The boys here say: ‘What’s it like?’ I say: ‘It’s crazy, man.’ When I played for Spurs, if I walked into my friends’ house with red shoes they would say: ‘No, man, you can’t come in.’”

Defoe looks down and grins. His feet today are encased in Arsenal red and friends at his cherished Spurs would not be happy. “It’s even bigger playing for England. But we try hard and to get to a World Cup semi-final would be a dream for everyone. Maybe that will happen with the young players.”

He hopes to play for England again but Defoe also speaks with warmth about his new club. “It’s been good, even if it’s difficult coming to a different county, a different league. There are good people here, some nice people. I’ve enjoyed it. There’ve been ups and downs but that’s normal.”

As the afternoon drifts past Defoe remembers how his life took a fortunate turn at West Ham’s academy. “There was this kid, Kacey Ashman,” Defoe says of a boy sent to a juvenile jail for GBH and robbery. “He should have played for England and done great things because, at 14, he was so far ahead of everyone. But he went one way. I went another.”

Most of the players with whom he made his name at Tottenham have also moved in different directions. “Gareth [Bale] going to Madrid was always happening. It’s not easy going in straight away and being unbelievable but Gaz is chilled. He’s like a big baby. And he’s a very nice guy. He just wants to play football. He’s so explosive he can get the ball, knock it past people and blow teams away. When I watch him at Madrid I feel there’s lots more to come from him. We still swap texts because we were together for years. Me, Gareth, Michael Dawson, Ledley King, Aaron Lennon, Tom Huddlestone – who’s doing so well at Hull. But life changes.”

In recent years Defoe and his close-knit family have been affected by bereavement. “I’ve lost a lot of people. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think about my cousin, my dad, my nan and grandad. They died one after another. But it keeps me strong. A sportsman gets praised and we love that but you get criticised too. When that happens I remember where I come from and what I’ve been through. I always think about that loss.”

Defoe looks up as one of his last days in Toronto, at least this season, slips away. He’s on his way back home, either for a few months or for good and, despite his unsettled future, he smiles. “Life tests you in many ways. It doesn’t matter if you’re in Toronto or east London, MLS, Premier League or ordinary life. You just have to keep going and be happy.”