Attendees of several of Hillary Clinton’s paid Goldman Sachs gigs are speaking to the media today.

Transcripts or no transcripts, thanks to Politico we finally know What Clinton said in her paid speeches.

Guess what? In the speeches, she lavished extravagant praise on the investment bank.

Surprise, surprise!

Instead of speaking about charity, leadership or female entrepreneurs, Clinton devoted her remarks to paying rosy tribute to the job Goldman Sachs was doing “raising capital and helping create jobs.”

Yup.

Heckuva job, Lloyd!

As for any criticism — even light — over the string of despicable actions her host had taken in famous major catastrophes in the recent past? Just a little, Hillary?

No way! In yet another major stunner, “[s]he spent no time criticizing Goldman or Wall Street more broadly for its role in the 2008 financial crisis.”

Well, OK. Maybe she just did not want to be ungracious? After all, they were paying her six figures for multiple celebrity appearances. I’m sure she laid low on direct criticism, but at the same time was respectably calm, nuanced and even-handed in her approach to the firm:

“It was pretty glowing about us,” one person who watched the event said. “It’s so far from what she sounds like as a candidate now. It was like a rah-rah speech. She sounded more like a Goldman Sachs managing director.”

Oh.

Well.

I got nothing.

So, Goldman Sachs mole, why don’t you think Clinton will release the transcripts of the speeches?

“It would bury her against Sanders,” this person said. “It really makes her look like an ally of the firm.”

Ah. That.

Any thoughts, Clinton campaign?

Clinton spokesman Brian Fallon dismissed the recollections a "pure trolling,"

Um hmm. Good one. Trolling. By all those Goldman Sachs Berniebros, I’m guessing?

So what’s the strategy there, Mr. Fallon?

People close to the Clinton campaign say the hope is that calls for release of the transcripts will fade after New Hampshire, assuming the former first lady can defeat Sanders in South Carolina and the mass of mostly Southern states that vote on March 1 in the Super Tuesday primaries.

OK. So hide the transcripts until enough moderate Democrats can vote blindfolded and with their fingers in their ears so the press will stop listening to THOSE MEDDLING PROGRESSIVES!

Help Hillary, Southern firewall, you’re her only hope!