Creating a line of painfully ugly shoes can earn you millions and millions of dollars, seventeen houses and an $80,000 Porsche Panamera, but it's no guarantee of landing country singer Taylor Swift — no matter how much you want her to be your girlfriend. News outlets this week reported the hilarious/sad tale of George B. Boedecker Jr., the co-founder of Crocs Inc., who was arrested and charged with a DUI after Boulder police, led by Officer Patrick Vest, said he passed out in said Porsche...alone.

Boedecker, who was CEO of Crocs from 2002 to 2004 and now runs a private philanthropic foundation, then proceeded to pull out every rich-drunk-guy cliché in the book:

"When asked for his address, he replied, 'I have 17 fucking homes,'" reads thesmokinggun.com, which posted the arrest document online. "When he became tired of one cop's 'fucking questions,' Boedecker warned that things were about to become medieval (which is spelled 'mid-evil' on the report). After declining to take field sobriety tests ('I'm not doing your fucking maneuvers'), Boedecker was handcuffed, which prompted him to complain to Boulder cops that he 'couldn't believe we were doing this after all he had done for this city.' He then told two cops to 'Go fuck yourselves in the ass.' He also let Officer Vest know that he was an 'asshole' who was now his 'enemy for life,' and that he hoped the cop would 'fucking die.' He later threatened several deputies that 'he was going to have their badges.'"

Info George Boedecker

But Boedecker also managed to come up with a new variation on the theme, telling police that his girlfriend had actually been behind the wheel of the Porsche. Who was that girlfriend? "She is really fucking famous," Boedecker told them.

"Boedecker asked Officer Patrick Vest if he 'knew who Taylor Swift was,'" the Smoking Gun report continues. "Vest responded by asking Boedecker where Swift had gone. Gesturing toward a neighboring yard, Boedecker 'said she was in Nashville,' reported Vest."

By the way, Boedecker was not wearing Crocs, according to that arrest report. He was wearing flip-flops.

What other Colorado suits have been accused of behaving badly? Here are two of our favorites:

Joseph P. Nacchio, the CEO of Qwest Communications from 1997 to 2002, was convicted of nineteen counts of insider trading in 2007 and sentenced to six years in prison. Nacchio also had to pay a $19 million fine and forfeit $52 million he'd gained in illegal sales of his own stock. He is currently suing his former defense team for malpractice.

Michael Gilliland, the high-flying founder of Wild Oats in Boulder and the Sunflower Farmers Market chain, was grounded in February when he was arrested in Phoenix and charged with trying to hook up with an underage prostitute. According to police, the 53-year-old Gilliland offered to pay $100 to have sex with a seventeen-year-old girl he'd met online; she'd even asked him to bring cigarettes to the motel, saying she was only seventeen and not old enough to buy them. When he showed up, however, Gilliland discovered that the girl was an undercover cop. He resigned as CEO of Sunflower. He is currently awaiting trial, which has been postponed until September.