OPINION: As a privileged white male, naturally I was a massive John Key fan. People would say to me "Guy, don't you care about the kids?" Of course I care about the kids! I don't want to see kids grow up in poverty, that's why I live in Epsom!

For too long, politics had been a vehicle for the intellectual elite: world-leading nerds who were worried about climate change, the arts, and other wishy-washy "theories" that have little or no impact on the New Zealand economy.

Things started to change in 2004 when Don Brash gave his infamous Orewa speech. What a breakthrough. There are no points to be scored for helping minorities ... they're minorities! They can't win an election so stuff 'em, the silent majority are who you want.

Then Key was elected. Finally, a leader who was more like me, an everyman who loved beers, and rugby, and beers! I wanted a PM who knew about business. After all, that's basically what New Zealand is - a big business! Citizens are the employees, or are they the customers? One of the elements of this plan is to not get bogged down in the details!

For the past seven years, National has run the government like a business. They even market themselves in the same way the Warehouse does: with a lot of mentions of the word "Kiwis" and "families". And Kiwi families have been lapping it up faster than you can say "this will probably be broken in two weeks".

I started to question John Key when he told us his favourite movie was "Johnny English", a Rowan Atkinson spy spoof that received just a 33 per cent approval rating on the movie website Rotten Tomatoes. I thought: "Oh my god, our Prime Minister is basic". It was like when I found out my rugby hero Leon McDonald's "favourite book" was "FHM magazine". I was gutted: not only because FHM magazine was a lads' mag, but because FHM magazine wasn't even a book, it was a magazine. It's as if someone asked him for his favourite holiday destination and he said "swimming".

Maybe it's unfair to crucify a man just because he's got bad taste in movies. I doubt Helen Clark had even seen a movie. She would probably claim she was too busy spending her time "working hard for everyday Kiwis". I'll never forget when she came to my school hostel and someone asked what her favourite music was and she rattled off "Fat Freddy's Drop" and "The Black Seeds" like a political computer trying to appear human. Weirdly, I kind of miss the days of our leaders being socially awkward philosopher kings.

A major reason why the McDonalisation of New Zealand politics has worked so well is the internet. Where previously, a fancy newspaper editor controlled what we read and thought, now we create our own news feed with fun stories about weight-loss and the latest Kardashian sex tape brothel death.

And so in modern politics, the leader is essentially a mascot, and soundbites, popular opinion, and beer drinking likeability are the key (pun intended). Meanwhile the Labour Party is still sending out press releases to nobody saying they're "outraged", and that the Government's response to this problem is "disgraceful". These words are so overused that they mean nothing any more. Last year, there was more online coverage of Max Key's Instagram than Labour's housing plan.

The left hasn't adapted to the simple marketing and charming PR genius of John Key. The past two Labour leaders have been wooden political robots with all the charisma of a Labour leader. Andrew Little was the worst guest we had on Jono and Ben last year, and we had Manu Bennett who rode in on a horse before he choked our Jono!

In 2016, the rules have changed: give the people what they want, follow rather than lead. It's a real democracy that stands for Kiwi families and for following the will of the people. But as Jon Stewart said: "You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena".

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