The Dietary Guidelines Advisory Committee will meet soon and discuss new recommendations for healthy eating. One suggestion is to send daily text messages to fat people.

The Obama administration plans to send text messages to fat people and offer online weigh-ins to help the country’s obese population get down to what a cartel of career academics considers to be a healthy weight.

April Fool!

No, wait. This is real.

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The Dietary Guidelines Advisory Committee–the folks responsible for bringing you the food pyramid–is in the midst of a series of meetings that will determine the government’s official recommendations for healthy eating. The committee meets every 5 years, and this time, the Obama administration has stacked it exclusively with professors from America’s finest ivory-tower institutions. And these professors have a delicious casserole of nanny-statism to serve you.

For example, many on the committee supported Mike Bloomberg’s bans on trans fats and large sodas, with one even suggesting that what New York City did should be replicated on a national level. Another has been a longtime advocate for “plant-based diets.” These professors have concocted plenty of ideas on how to get us to eat what they want to put on our plate, the most absurd of which is the daily text message to the obese.