She didn’t have a choice, but if she did, she would still choose autism.

My seven year old daughter, Emmy, sat down next to me this evening and asked me what I am most thankful for this year. She told me ‘Don’t just say family, really think about it. Be specific.’

Without any hesitation…I said ‘You. I am most thankful for you.’

She looked puzzled. Offended mostly. ‘How could you say you’re most thankful for me?! What about Dawson?! Are you not thankful for Dawson too?’

I smiled, and I hugged her tight.

Emmy is always thinking about her little brother. Putting his wants and needs in front of her own. Always making sure he is safe, happy, fulfilled.

Emmy was just two years old when Dawson was born. She would hold her screaming baby brother and sing him to sleep. She would sit there with him for as long as it took. I relied on my two year old daughter for help, and sadly, not much changed in the years to follow.

Soon, all of the attention and patience went to him…it had to.

When Emmy turned 3 years old, she started preschool….but Dawson broke his leg and required even more assistance. When Emmy turned 4, she started ballet, but Dawson was diagnosed with autism and our schedule got crazy. After Emmy turned 5, she started kindergarten, but Dawson started intensive therapy, which I needed to be very involved in. When Emmy turned 6, her dad and I divorced. I can only imagine how difficult that must have been for her, but Dawson regressed and required even more attention than before. When Emmy turned 7, we finally found time to teach her how to ride a bike, but Dawson started kindergarten.

Since the moment Dawson entered our world, life has always been about him. About autism. Casting a giant shadow over our daughter. It isn’t fair, and I’ll be the very first to admit to my wrongdoings as her mother. There are, and will be, so many moments I regret not doing more. Doing better, by her. Emmy deserves so much more than what she has been given…but never once has she complained. Not once.

5 years ago, Randy and I made the choice to have another baby. Together, we decided as a team that we wanted another child whom we would love unconditionally. We may not have chosen a child with autism, but just like every other parent….We knew the possibilities and statistics. There is always a chance for autism, and it was a chance we were happy to take. It’s just never something you think can happen to you. Til it does.

But, Emmy didn’t have a choice.

She was given a brother that would ultimately steal the spotlight, taking center stage every day. She would soon forfeit all rights she many have had to a seemingly fair childhood. In one moment, Emmys entire life had been shifted. She had been given a brother with severe autism, and many delays. A brother that would require assistance in all areas, for many years to come. A brother that may never be able to communicate with her (or anyone) verbally. Emmy was given a brother that would change her life in unimaginable ways. And everyday, she wakes up grateful for the life and role she has been given. She didn’t have a choice, but if she did….I know she would still choose autism.

Autism is hard. And it is messy. But it is humbling, empowering, and at times beautiful. Everyday, I am thankful for my son, and the special love he has shown me. But this year, I am most thankful for her.

The girl who doesn’t flinch when Dawson takes the cookie out of her hand and eats it after he has finished his own. The girl who wants to educate her friends about autism, so they can treat her brother with kindness. I am thankful for the girl who opens the door and carries the communication book when my hands are full. The girl who asks questions in therapy, so that she can implement the programs at home. The girl who understands when I have to miss another school function, because her brother was having a hard day. I am thankful for the girl who continues to love on her brother, even when he is kicking and pushing her away. The girl who takes offense, rather than praise, when I tell her that I am most thankful for her.

Today, I am thankful for the girl who has shown me what it truly means to be a good person. Today, I am most thankful for my perfectly placed and forever cherished, daughter.

I love you Emmy, in ways I never thought possible. You bring endless love, and generosity to not just our family, and your brother….but everyone you meet. I have often wondered the impossible….and although I’ll never understand why we were given such a kind and compassionate daughter to raise… I am eternally thankful for you.

You make me…you make us…you make this entire world, better.

I held on to my beautiful little girl and kissed her on the forehead, ‘Of course I am thankful for Dawson. But today…today I am most thankful for you. I know you want specifics, but this one of those things you feel. Ya know?’

‘Yeah. I know exactly what you mean Mom. This year, I am most thankful for my brother.’