Ever since Kurtis Blow’s hit “Basketball” in 1984, rap lyrics have been littered with references to NBA players and teams. Jay-Z has been using Michael Jordan metaphors for two decades now, Lil Wayne recorded an entire song about Kobe Bryant, and several rappers have — inexplicably! — dropped couplets about Jimmer Fredette.

But with the exception of Brandon Roy — who turns up in about a dozen Rap Genius entries — lyrics about the Portland Trail Blazers have been few and far between. This is likely because (a) the Rose City has never been a hotbed of hip hop, and (b) the franchise has rarely had players who attracted enough national attention to warrant a namecheck. The historical scarcity of Blazer similes means that references to Portland players (or the team itself) tend to stand out more than the umpteenth “ballin’ like LeBron” verse.

Case in point: Raekwon’s “made ‘em jump like Rod Strickland” line at the end of “Triumph.” The Wu-Tang comeback single dropped a year after Strickland and Harvey Grant were traded to the Washington Bullets for Rasheed Wallace and Mitchell Butler, so it probably shouldn’t even be mentioned as a Blazer lyric. But Rae’s verse is my earliest memory of a shoutout to a Trail Blazer past-or-present in a rap song, and thus provides a fitting title for this piece.

So what counts as an “official” Trail Blazer lyric for this entirely subjective exercise in list making? Per the Rod Strickland example, I’m including references to any player who donned a Blazer uniform during a prime stretch in his career. That means RiFF Raff’s “Rap Game Stacey Augmon” line is technically eligible (although a stretch), but Kool Keith’s reference to Shawn Kemp’s sexual promiscuity is decidedly not.

This list is weighted towards familiar songs by notable rappers, but it also includes cuts from lesser known performers and regional acts. I have largely excluded rap verses performed by Portland players, as I’m saving them for another list in the future. (Sneak preview: this Rasheed Wallace verse will make the top five.)

#10

Lyric:

Blue and yellow mirror, that’s my Indiana Pacer

Black with the red beam, my Portland Trail Blazer

Artist / Song: Young Jeezy — “My Jewel” by Birdman feat Bun B & Young Jeezy

Description: The Birdman and Bun B lead this cut off with some effortless boasts from the Robin Leach playbook, but the song really kicks into gear when the Snowman shows up and begins free associating. Portland’s inclusion in this couplet can be considered a lucky break — it’s easy to imagine Jeezy simply rhyming “Indiana Pacer” with “Indiana Pacer” on earlier takes.

Ideal Video Accompaniment: Best heard while watching Darius Miles’ equally cocksure performance against the Denver Nuggets.

#9

Lyric:

Like Bill Walton, I do the job

I one-hand slam when you throw the lob

Artist / Song: Hurt ‘Em Bad – “NBA Rap”

Description: Apologies, dear reader: the introduction to this article is factually incorrect. The cognoscenti at Rap Genius note that this 1982 tune by rap footnote Hurt ‘Em Bad was the first rap song to celebrate pro hoops, beating out Kurtis Blow’s better-known “Basketball” by two years.

It’s probably safe to assume that any lyrics from the early eighties about Bill Walton slamming the ball — or completing any sort of “job” that required physical mobility — are referencing his past glories in Portland (and UCLA), and not the many seasons he missed while undergoing reconstructive surgeries on his injured foot.

Ideal Video Accompaniment: Best heard while watching a breakdown of Walton’s performance in Game 6 of the 1977 Finals.

#8

Lyric:

Hovi baby, you Kobe, maybe, Tracy McGrady

Matter fact you a Harold Miner, J.R. Rider

Washed up on marijuana

Artist / Song: Jay-Z — “Pump It Up” freestyle

Description: When Jay-Z dropped this 2003 freestyle over this Just Blaze-laced banger, Rider was already one season removed from his last NBA contract and four seasons removed from the Blazers. So while the once promising phenom was most certainly “washed up,” to attribute his decline to a drug habit is to enter dangerous causation / correlation territory. This was, after all, the Jail Blazer with the thickest criminal record, including — yes! — numerous instances of marijuana possession, but also a grab bag of charges for disorderly conduct, probation violation, and even assault with a milkshake. In all, Rider racked up arrests like Rasheed picked up technicals.

The only thing consistent about Isaiah Rider’s basketball career was his poor judgment. Exhibit A: his “Funk in the Trunk” contribution to the 1994 Basketball’s Best Kept Secret rap compilation, an album that really deserves the 30 for 30 treatment. It’s hard to stand out on an album that features the Jason Kidd’s classic “What the Kidd Didd” and Dennis Scott’s “All Night Party,” but Rider’s verses — including “Labeled a villain way before I was a rebel, but now I got my money on some mothaf***in devil” — were decidedly darker than anything else on the album.

Andrew Sharp at SB Nation notes that Rider was “one of the only players on the album to curse, a chilling reminder that while a lack of self-awareness is all fun and games when it amounts to embarrassing rap music, it would only be a matter of time before JR took things a step too far.”

Ideal Video Accompaniment: Best heard while reading this account of J.R. Rider’s mother persuading him to leave the court after he was ejected from a Timberwolves / Jazz game.

#7

Lyric:

Got nothin’ to fear, nothin’ to hide

Bein’ conquered with the microphone, I take you for a ride

and slide, glide to the hoop and scoop you like Clyde

Drexler, your girl I wanna get next to

Artist / Song: Guru — “Gotch U” by GangStarr

Description: This is a wonderful deep cut off of Gangstarr’s debut album, No More Mr. Nice Guy (1989). Not much to say about his one without sounding like an old man. Kids: Go listen to some Gangstarr.

Ideal Video Accompaniment: Best heard while watching footage of Drexler drop 50 on the Kings.

#6

Lyric:

Three point good, mid-range great,

Rookie back in 0–7, All-Star in 0–8

He the future of the Blazers,

he could change the whole franchise

jumper so wet every shot like getting baptized

Artist / Song: Remy Rock — “Brandon Roy”

Description: A hometown hip-hop anthem by a local artist I’m not familiar with. Per the song title, this one is focused exclusively on “the future of the Blazers” — Mr. Brandon Roy, who really was posed to “change the whole franchise” before… well… you know how this story ends. Despite the melancholy backdrop, a song that includes shoutouts to Jerryd Bayless AND Kevin Pritchard can only bring a smile to your face. (A Travis “Trout” Outlaw reference would have pushed this one into the top five.)

Ideal Video Accompaniment: Game Four: “Against Marion…. now he pulls up for a three… hit it and fouled!!!”

#5

Lyric:

No dealing weight, it’s real estate and stocks now

Quit while I’m ahead, rappers they’re all lame

Forty-three years old selling nutcrackers at ball games

LeBron James, nah I’m Kevin Duckworth

Len Bias been would have died f****** with Ruck work

Artist / Song: Sean Price — “Smoov P”

Description: You read that right — a rap song that mentions LeBron James and Kevin Duckworth in the same verse, followed by a rather tasteless reference to Len Bias’ cocaine overdose. Kevin Duckworth! What’s next, a Terry Porter lyric? Wait, what?

Ideal Video Accompaniment: Check out this clip of Duck throwing up 30 against Bird, McHale, and the Celtics.

#4

Lyric:

Behind the back pass Arvydas Sabonis

Rare intelligence you know I’m smoking weed in diplomas

Catch a case, post bail, then I flee to Tacoma

Come back, new face, 103 and Corona

Artist / Song: Action Bronson — “Mike Vick”

Description: Stop what you’re doing and slowly recite the words above with proper enunciation. Bronson’s lyrics on a good day are on par with WB Yeats on an average day. Nothing else needs to be said about this perfect stanza.

Ideal Video Accompaniment: Watch this clip of Sabas waging war against Jordan and the Bulls. Then think of what could have been if we’d gotten this guy earlier in his career.

#3

Lyric:

Messy hoes, got my name between they teeth

Just because… I’m from the WEST not the EAST

Graduated from the dope game

Phat ass wallets

What’s that n***** name?

Rasheed Wallace!

Artist / Song: E-40 — “Record Haters”

Description: Like so many beefs in the mid-90s (other than those in the Baltic states), this one begins with a Rap City appearance. Rasheed — then a promising young forward with the Bullets — was a guest on the show, and when prompted by host Joe Clair to discuss his hip-hop listening preferences, the proud East Coast native (and backpacker purist!) stated that he “didn’t fool with the E-40s and the Goodie Mobs, it’s strictly Wu-Tang on mine.” (Or something like that. Accounts vary.)

E-40's response was “Record Haters,” the lead-off track from his 1996 album The Hall of Game. The track begins with an Unsolved Mysteries-style recreation of the Rap City incident, with members of The Click portraying Clair and Sheed. This sets the stage for several minutes of vigorous rebuttal from E-40, with barbs also aimed at rapper AZ.

Rasheed was never well-received in Oakland after Hall of Game. A 2002 game between the Blazers and Warrior ended in an ugly brawl between Ruben Patterson (of course) and Troy Murphy, and a subsequent confrontation between Sheed and a vocal Warriors fan.

Thankfully for all involved, this feud was eventually resolved when the two men shared a stage at a Portland hip hop show. After a declaration of mutual respect, 40 advised Wallace to “[s]tick to basketball. Lemme do what I do as a rapper, you do what you do.”

If Sheed had listened, we wouldn’t have the #2 entry on this list.

Ideal Video Accompaniment: “Both teams played hard. God bless and good night.”

#2

Lyric:

Stop trippin’, playa you slippin’,

Thinkin’ you can go against Scottie Pippin,

The three shot he hittin’ like “Swish,”

We can’t lose, we can’t miss

Steve Smittie, reppin the Rose City, committee

Shawn Kemp, can’t forget Bonzi, it’s all net,

Toma playa, hold this and pass it to Sabonis

And-one for the bonus, and run to your homies

Artist / Song: Psycho Les — “No One’s Ready To Deal With Us” by The Beatnuts featuring Rasheed Wallace and Damon Stoudamire

Description: The Blazers had good reason to feel confident the season after their infamous Game 7 collapse against the Lakers in the 2000 Western Conference Finals. The team returned their entire starting line-up — Rasheed Wallace, Damon Stoudamire, Scottie Pippen, Arvydas Sabonis, and Steve Smith — and many of their key bench contributors, including Dale Davis, Stacey Augmon, and Bonzi Wells. (Brian Grant was gone, but GM Bob Whitsitt was able to replace the team’s heart and soul with overweight Shawn Kemp.)

After rolling to a very respectable 42 and 18 record by the beginning of March, the team finished the season a mere 8 and 14. In the middle of this slide, the team and 95.5 released “No One’s Ready to Deal With Us” — a remix of the Beatnuts’ “No Escapin This” featuring Wallace, Stoudamire, and the Beatnuts’ Psycho Les on vocals.

How this collaboration came together remains a mystery. But this jam is unquestionably the highlight of the 2000–2001 season . The Les verse above is endlessly quotable — “hold this and pass it to Sabonis” is absolutely hilarious given the team’s well-documented substance abuse problems — but Dame and Sheed actually acquit themselves fairly well on the mic. At one point Wallace actually says “Representing MLK / The Oswego.” In a perfect world, this vocal snippet would already have been looped into a monster dubstep jam.

Stoudamire finishes the track by taunting the team’s Pacific Division rivals: “How the Lakers even want it us?”

The Blazers would finish the season losing to Kobe and company 0 to 3 in the first round of the playoffs.

Ideal Video Accompaniment: Jordan (Wizards) versus Pippen (Blazers) with guest appearances from Rasheed Wallace, Bonzi Wells, Arvydas Sabonis, and, ummm….., Jerry Stackhouse. (Christian Laettner, maybe? Kwame Brown?)

#1

Lyric:

Yo the realness stuck, females Blauch my Knob like Chuck

Dispense to standing in count commence to rebound like Buck Williams

Triple Crown threat to score, plus the bonus strange

Without the Rover, more range than Rey Ordonez

One of the MC’s flip my kind of grammar on the break

Three on one like Phi Slamma Jamma

Serve a slot, a curve-splitter-knuckleball-spitter-change

Every rhyme hid a bitter note, quote “Get a game”

Not Allen Iverson, forget crossin-over shake men

Similar to Troy, I bring the pain destined to Aik-man

Break men off, take men out, make me wanna slander

Prime Time, my rhyme defense beyond Deion Sanders

I walk the earth with my Rod in this Strick-land

Promise, people thought I was Thomas Hearns the way I Hit Man

Artist / Song: Pharoahe Monch — “Official”

Description: As the verse above suggests, “Officials” is structured around the names of professional sports franchises, athletes, and brands. Pharoahe ends the song with “Blaze a Trail like Portland on a track that’ll amaze ya / Omnipotent on the D like Clyde Frazier,” but the verse quoted above is my favorite. Over a series of tongue-twisting bars, Pharoahe namedrops Buck Williams, Clyde Drexler (via Phi Slamma Jamma), and finally Rod Strickland. Which takes us back to where this whole thing began — hip hop’s fascination with Rod Strickland. In Portland, the backcourt of Strickland and Aaron McKie played in the long shadows of Porter and Drexler. But in New York, Strickland was a Bronx-born high school hoops legend, which (along with his easily rhymable two-syllable last name) explains his namechecks by NY artists Nas, Onyx, and French Montana.

Ideal Video Accompaniment: Strickland messing around and getting an incredible triple-double (21 points, 12 rebounds, 20 assists) as a Wizard.