Have you ever heard news of someone getting engaged or married and thought, “Who the fuck would marry that person“? I’m not talking about the overdramatic women or cowardly men you see on Bridezilla, I mean those folks you know in real life. You see their pros and cons, and even though you’re cool with them, you still scratch your head as to why anyone would want to spend their life with that. You can’t say anything because you don’t want to seem like a hater, but as soon as the marriage hits the rock or the engagement gets called off you’re feeling like a prophet. I believe there’s someone for everyone, but at the same time marriage has become such a competition that incompatible people recklessly force commitment on one another just so they can yell out, “I’m married bitches!” as if it’s a game of bingo.

You know why most marriages fail today within the first few years? It has nothing to do with the tradition becoming outdated, or women turning psycho after the honeymoon, it has everything to do with us men. Fellas, as powerful as women are, there remains one part of the relationship that has gone mostly unchanged, and that’s the proposal. A woman can hint, pressure, and pick out all of the bridesmaids gowns she wants, but 97% are going to leave the proposal up to the man. Long time relationships have niggas feeling like Lebron James in the 4th quarter, we know everyone around us is waiting for us to make that shot, but we don’t want to take it. We’re not confident and it shows, so when we force ourselves to marry and it doesn’t work out, it’s like Bron missing that jump shot– we blame everyone around us. We as men don’t have to marry anyone we don’t want to marry. Marriage is such a big step that you have to be selfish. I have a friend who recently got separated, he knew he didn’t want to marry that woman, but because of that full court pressure she and her family put on him he said, “I might as well, ain’t nothing else popping right now“. It’s time to stop going “might as well” and start waiting for, “Damn, I want this girl forever ever“. Trust me; it’s a totally different feeling. Fellas, we have to get down on one knee to get the chain of events rolling, so we have no one to blame but ourselves when we pick someone we were not 100% about. You have kids, she’s held you down for years, or maybe you’re not confident enough to find another woman so you settle for who’s already in your bed. Those excuses are more suspect than a Fantasia book report. Men Choose, Women Settle, when you start letting outside forces choose for you, you’re asking for a trip to Judge Lynn. Getting married will always be a gamble, you never know in what direction you two are going to grow in the next ten or twenty years, but when couples are getting divorced a few months after saying “I do“, that’s not growing apart, that means you didn’t choose wisely. Will you marry me is the biggest question you’ll ever ask, it’s time to stop acting like pussies, stop being bullied, and use all the Intel you’ve collected while dating her to make a decision you won’t regret.

You Don’t Marry Your Mother

“I owe it to her for being by my side” you don’t owe her shit but a thank you. A ring isn’t a reward for putting up with your shit; it’s a token of unbridled love. Niggas throwing cheap rings on these mediocre women because they cook, clean, pay bills, and suck a good dick. Handcuffing her so you can have a new mommy to wipe your ass and gas you up, that’s not love, that’s hustle. Do you want her because of what she does for you, or what she means to you? If you’re out in the club trying to take hoes home, then she doesn’t mean shit to you. If you’re on Facebook messaging your Ex about how you wish it could have worked, she doesn’t mean shit to you. I get it, she’s a sweetheart, but just because she hasn’t done anything wrong to you, doesn’t mean she’s right for you. Does she excite you? I’m not talking about physically, I mean emotionally. Is she the type that you want to spend all day with, or is she just the bitch who walks in front of the TV when you’re in the middle of Call of Duty? I tell women they should be go-getters and pursue the mate of their dreams, and I expect my boys to do the same. The dumbest shit I’ve seen is a guy break up with a girl he was involved with for years because he knew she wasn’t his type, and then run back after not finding a girl like her. Huh? Let me clear this up. He ventured into the real world where women with standards didn’t put up with his fucked up behavior and took an L in the dating scene. Instead of growing up and making himself into a better man that could entice the type of women he dreams about, he said, “fuck these stuck up bitches” and sprinted back to the one female dumb enough to accept his faults—his trusty Bottom Bitch. It’s a Mama’s boy mentality, the real world is tough, so let me run back to Mommy’s basement where I feel safe. You know that Bottom Bitch isn’t what you want, so why ruin both of your lives by throwing a ring on her?

Rings Don’t Fix Problems

Getting engaged isn’t the final lap and getting married isn’t the finish line. “Once I get married I’m going to drop my jumpoff, I’m going to tell wifey she needs to stop yelling at me so much, and we’re going to work everything out“. Bullshit. My boy was telling me how his college buddy is in the midst of a divorce because of some really crazy yet predictable shit. Dude was making a good living and was paying all the bills while his wife pursued her masters. It was all good until a few months after her graduation, then hard times hit. He had to budget a little better and he went to his wife and asked if she could pay her car note while he focused on the rest of their bills. Wifey told him hell no, questioned his manhood and reminded him as a husband it was his responsibility to provide. Dude was confused and asked his Moms for advice from a woman’s perspective. Was he indeed in the wrong for asking her to carry that one bill? His mother went maternal and took it a step further, she called the girl and her mother and told them that she was being a brat, and championed her son as a great husband and provider. You already know how it went; the Mom and Daughter teamed up on some Hart Foundation shit and fired back. If he couldn’t afford to the pay the bills, he shouldn’t have married her. She promptly moved out after the argument and papers were filed. My homie who was telling me this story was heated, he knew both of them, and said that the signs that she was a spoiled bitch were their even in college, but homie was in love and accepted it. Any man who thinks he can change a woman is a fool! The glow of a new ring may seem like she’s a new person, but it’s like the star in Super Mario Bros, give it a second and it’ll wear off. If you want compromise with a woman, then you have to lay the groundwork before marriage is even discussed. Once you jump that broom, you are going to have a hard time bringing up her personality flaws, and I guarantee you’ll be hit with, “If you didn’t like it, you shouldn’t have married me!” That ring is not a cure, the problems you had the day before will still be there once the congratulations die out.

All The Time In The World

Women are on a man’s time as they wait for the proposal, but they’re also thinking about that biological clock. It’s understandable for women to accelerate the dating process when they reach a certain age; they literally have no more time to play games. Many women make horrible decisions because of that urgency, but men don’t have that excuse. Research. Observe. Decide. I don’t care how many people are dropping, “it’s time to make that move” hints, you don’t have a shot clock to get married. If you rush, you fuck up; your elementary school teacher should have taught you niggas that. At the same time, that’s not a green light for one of these five-year engagements that you never planned on going through with. All men know if she’s marriage material or not once you move in together—keep it real. If she doesn’t want to move in until a rings on that finger, then grow some balls and tell her you need that experience so you’re not flying blind. It’s crazy that we live in a world where as soon as someone hits 25 they are expected to settle down and start a traditional family. Immaturity doesn’t go away with age, it goes away with experience! Don’t bow down to society and feel bad because you still want to chase hoes, travel the world, or focus on a dream. Stay single and make it happen. You live life for you, not the girl you’re dating and her family, not your parents who keep demanding grandbabies– YOU. If you’re at a point where you think you’re ready, then evaluate her on a level deeper than you did those women you were just fucking. Presidential nominees call the process Vetting when picking a VP. They dig deep to make sure that person doesn’t have issues that will hurt the partnership. Don’t go John McCain and pick the prettiest girl, make sure she also fits the rest of your criteria. That’s not to say run away from a woman who isn’t perfect, but hopefully you’ll have enough life experience to realize there is no perfect woman, only a woman who is perfect for you. After you’ve identified her potential, take the extra steps to make your relationship even stronger before popping the question. If you’re not ready financially to give her the wedding and ring you think she deserves, stop buying foam posits and start stacking your paper. Most importantly, if you know damn well that she doesn’t look the way you want her to look or act the way you want someone you have to spend forever with to act, then walk away. It’s better to be an Asshole when you’re dating than a home wrecker once you’re married.

She’s Not Going To Say No

The argument from guys is, “She could tell I didn’t want to do it, but she kept insisting. It didn’t work out, but I did right by her and made that jump.” You didn’t do right by going through with a convenience wedding; you fucked both of your lives up. Women don’t say no to a ring. You know why videos of failed marriage proposals always pop up in the media? It’s because the shit is funny and rare. The common man’s response is “what kind of simp would propose to a woman he wasn’t sure wanted him“. In this day in age, men put a million feelers out before they pop the question. In a normal relationship, you know she’s going to say yes, she may not know you’re going to ask, but her answers elementary. My wife cried when I asked her and said she was shocked; it fooled me because we both made it painfully obvious where our relationship was headed. Fellas, don’t deflect the blame by saying it was her choice to accept the proposal, most women accept the moment they become your girlfriend. Grown women aren’t out here dating for shits and giggles, most won’t even go on a third date unless he’s marriage material. I will say this, If Ricky is jobless, has fidelity issues, and makes remarks like, “I don’t think any chick in this world is as sexy as Amber Rose” and you don’t look shit like Amber Rose, yeah that Silly Hoe Sense should have been tingling. It’s not like she didn’t see the writings on the wall, few women are ignorant to the fact that they may have chosen the least qualified man to be with, but they hold out hope that they can fix him. For some reason women have this Tebowian fire to never give up, even when red flags are being thrown left and right. Call her dumb or naïve, but for a woman like that to be asked to be someone’s wife, no matter how shitty the ring, or forced the engagement was, she is going to jump for joy because that ring is validation. You’re not telling her she’s not as cute as Beyonce or she’s hard to deal with five days out the week, you’re making all of those arguments null and fucking void the moment you get on bended knee. You’re telling her you she’s the one– no asterisk. If she knew that she was a “Might As Well” proposal maybe she would say no, but shit like that men keep to themselves. I want every man to aim for what he wants, not what is easiest to attain. You can fake being content for a few years but eventually you’re going to start creeping with shorty that’s more your speed or start hanging with your homeboys every night instead of rushing home to the wife and kids. First comes love, then comes marriage, and then comes marriage counseling because your dumb ass skipped the first step. If you don’t want her, don’t put a ring on it.