SONOMA COUNTY, CA— Touting the quality and value of his extensive line of fine wines, filmmaker Francis Ford Coppola spent Thursday afternoon hawking Coppola Winery Cabernet samples to generally indifferent shoppers at his local Ralphs supermarket. “I told this nice young couple about the high-quality grapes we harvested the season this bottle was produced and the guy just tosses back the little sample like it was a shot of cheap rye and walks away—didn’t sniff the bouquet or swirl it around in the glass to see the color or anything,” said Coppola, dejectedly filling tiny plastic cups with a 2008 Coppola Reserve Chardonnay as customers attempted to avoid eye contact with the famed director. “I gave a woman a little taste of our pinot noir earlier today, and while I was recommending nice pairings to go with it, she just answered her phone and started talking as if I wasn’t even there. It’s as if she didn’t even care about the notes of clove and pomegranate or the sherry-keg fermentation process, which really is very important. She came back later and I assumed she wanted to learn more about the varietals, but she just cut me off and asked which aisle the gluten-free bread was in.” Coppola was later fired for failing to sell 10 bottles of wine during his shift.

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