( everyone )♪ I WALK HAND-IN-HANDWITH JE-SUS ♪ ♪ OVER AT THE PARKBY WHERE HE LIVES ♪ ♪ I TELL HIMALL MY PROBLEMS ♪ ♪ AND SOMETIMESHE TELLS ME HIS ♪ ♪ WHAT A FRIENDI HAVE IN JE-SUS ♪ ♪ I CAN SAY THATHONESTLY ♪ ♪ HE'S NOT LIKE ALLMY OTHER FRIENDS ♪ ♪ WHO REALLY DON'T CAREABOUT ME ♪ ♪ A-AMEN ♪ BOR-RING ! AND NOW, MR. MACKEYWILL READ HIS FAVORITE PSALMFOR US, PSALM 46. UH, GOD IS OUR REFUGEAND STRENGTH, M'KAY. A VERY PRESENT HELPIN TROUBLE, M'KAY. HEY YOU GUYS, YOU KNOW WHATMY FAVORITE PSALM IS ? "IT'S A MAN'S OBLIGATION "TO STICK HIS BONERATIONIN A WOMAN'S SEPARATION THIS SORT OF PENETRATIONWILL INCREASE THE POPULATIONOF THE YOUNGER GENERATION." GOD IS IN THE MIDST OF HER,M'KAY. SHE SHALLNOT BE MOVED, M'KAY. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT ! "IT'S A MAN'S OBLIGATIONTO STICK HIS BONERATIONIN THE WOMAN'S- "IT'S A MAN'S OBLIGATIONTO STICK HIS BONERATIONIN A WOMAN'S SEPARATION TO INCREASE THE POPULATIONOF THE YOUNGER GENERATION." "Mrph rm rmph rmhrmhrmhr rmhph rm rmhpr-- NO, NO, NO,"SEPARATION". "IT'S A MAN'S OBLIGATIONTO STICK HIS BONERATIONIN A WOMAN'S--m" BOYS, YOU AREIN CHURCH ! AH ! THE GOD OF JACOB IS OUR REFUGE, M'KAY. THANK YOU, MR. MACKEY,HELLO, EVERYONE. TODAY, WE ARE GOINGTO TALK ABOUT... HELL ! ( organ music ) HELL IS NOTA VERY NICE PLACE. BURNING, SEARING,FLAMES, SCREAMING, TORTURE...FOR ETERNITY ! ONCE YOU ARE IN HELL,YOU CANNOT ESCAPE. YOU LIVE FOREVER IN HORRIBLE PAIN. IN BURNING AGONY ! ALL SINNERSARE THERE IN MISERY, DYING OVERAND OVER AND OVER ! IF YOU BE CAST DOWN INTOTHIS BLACK BOG OF STENCH THEN WOE IS THOU ! FOR SATAN HAS MADE ITTHE MOST MISERABLE PLACEIN THE UNIVERSE ! AND HE WILL BEYOUR RULER ! YOUR RULEROF PAIN AND AGONY ! ( all )♪ ARE WE GOINGTO THE HUKILAU ♪ ♪ THE HUKI HUKI HUKIHUKI HUKILAU ♪ ♪ ARE WE GOINGTO THE HUKILAU ♪ ♪ THE HUKI HUKI HUKIHUKI HUKI HUKILAU ♪ ♪ EVERYBODYLOVES A HUKILAU ♪ I DO ! ♪ WHERE THE LAU LAU ISTHE KAU KAU AT THE LUAU ♪ ♪ WE THROW OUR NETSOUT INTO THE SEA ♪ ♪ ALL THE AMA-AMACOME SWIMMING TO ME ♪ ♪ ARE WE GOING TOTHE HUKILAU ♪ ♪ THE HUKI HUKI HUKIHUKI HUKILAU ♪ ♪ ARE WE GOINGTO THE HUKILAU ♪ ♪ THE HUKI HUKI HUKIHUKI HUKI HUKILAU ♪ ♪ EVERYBODYLOVES A HUKILAU ♪ ♪ WHERE THE THE LAU LAU ISTHE KAU KAU AT THE LUAU ♪ ♪ WE THROW OUR NETSOUT INTO THE SEA ♪ ♪ ALL THE AMA-AMACOME SWIMMING TO ME ♪ ♪ ARE WE GOINGTO THE HUKILAU ♪ ♪ THE HUKI HUKI HUKIHUKI HUKILAU ♪ ♪ HUKI HUKI LAUUUUUUUU ♪ YEAH ! OOWWW !HEH-HEH ! GREAT LUAU, SATAN ! THANKS,SEE YA, GARY ! THANKS FOR COMING,OH, BYE, MARSHA ! SATAN, A FEW OF US AREGONNA GO POUND SOME BREWS,YOU WANNA JOIN US ? OH I'D LOVE TO,MR. MATTHAU, BUT I CAN'T. CHRIS AND I JUST MOVEDTO THE WEST SIDE AND WE HAVE TO UNPACK. OH WELL, MAYBE NEXT TIME,GREAT LUAU ! BYE !

CHRIS ?YEAH ? DID YOU, UH, SEEMY "BOY WITH AN UMBRELLA"HUMMELL ? UH, NO, BUT THERE'S STILL SOMEBOXES COMING FROM THE MOVERS. OH, OKAY, THANKS. ( ding dong )OH, THAT MUST BE THEM NOW. JUST PUT THE BOXESBY THE-- HELLO, SATAN ! SADDAM ! DID YOU MISS ME,BUTTERCUP ? NO, IT CAN'T BE,YOU'RE DEAD. I KILLED YOU. YEAH,YOU KILLED ME, SO ? WHERE WAS I GONNA GO,DETROIT ? OH NO,OH GOD, NO ! A PLACE OF EVERLASTINGAGONY AND PAIN ! HELL AWAITS ALL SINNERS ANDALL WHO DO NOT ACCEPT CHRIST ! CHILDREN IN THIS TOWNHAVE NOT BEEN ATTENDINGSUNDAY SCHOOL AFTER MASS. Captioning made possible by COMEDY CENTRAL IF THIS DOES NOT CHANGE,I PROMISE YOU, YOU WILL ALL BE GOINGTO THE BLACK PITOF SATAN'S WORLD ! THAT IS ALL,PEACE BE WITH YOU. WELL, THAT WAS QUITE ANUPLIFTING SERMON.YEAH. MOM, WE'RE STAYINGFOR SUNDAY SCHOOL.WHAT ? WE HAVE TO GO TO SUNDAY SCHOOLSO WE DON'T BURN ! YEAH, I'LL SEE YALATER, MOM ! OH, NOW LOOK AT THAT,THEY'RE SCARED TO DEATH ! HELL IS A VERY REAL PLACE,MR. AND MRS. MARSH ! I'M TRYING TO SAVE THEIR SOULSAND THE SOULS OF EVERYONEIN THIS TOWN FROM THE WRETCHEDLAKE OF FIRE ! COME ON, GUY ! JUST LET ME INSO WE CAN TALK. I DON'T WANT TOTALK TO YOU, SADDAM ! THIS ISN'T WHAT I NEEDIN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW ! IS THAT THE MOVERS, SATAN ? UH, YEAH, YEAH,IT'S JUST THE MOVERS. OH, WELL, TELL THEMI'M LEAVING THEIR CHECKON THE COUNTER. OKAY, CHRIS. SATAN, LOOK, I KNOWOUR RELATIONSHIPWASN'T PERFECT. OKAY ?I KNOW THAT. I WAS TOO BUSY TRYINGTO TAKE OVER THE WORLD,TO GIVE YOU WHAT YOU NEEDED ! BUT I'VE CHANGED, SATAN. OH, LIKE I HAVEN'T HEARD THAT BEFORE. COME ON, CAN'T WE JUSTGO OUT FOR A BURRITO ? ME GUSTO BURRITO MUCHO. I CAN'T, SADDAM,I'M WITH CHRIS NOW. WHO ?SCREW HIM ! HE CAN'T POUND YOUR ASSLIKE I CAN ! GOODBYE, SADDAM.WAIT, WAIT, I'M SORRY ! BUT SATAN, YOU CAN'T DENYWHAT'S BETWEEN US. YOU CAN TRY, BUT YOU KNOWWE BELONG TOGETHER. MY LIFE IS GOOD NOW, SADDAM,CHRIS TREATS ME WELL. YOU AND I ARE THROUGH. GOODBYE. ( sigh ) HEY, COME ON, GUY !GIVE ME A BREAK !

( doorbell ) OH, HELLO,YOU MUST BE SADDAM HUSSEIN. AND YOU MUST BEMR. ASS FACE ! JUST KIDDING,YOU'RE CHRIS, RIGHT ? THANKS FOR INVITING METO DINNER, GUY. HERE, I BROUGHT YOUA POTATO. OH, THANK YOU ! Captioning made possible by COMEDY CENTRALIT'S A BOMB ! SATAN, WHAT THE HECKIS WRONG WITH YOU ? YEAH, HEY, RELAX, GUY ! WE'RE ALL HERETO ACT LIKE ADULTS, RIGHT ? ( boom ) OH, GEE, I MUST HAVEOVERCOOKED IT. WELL, COME ON IN,DINNER'S JUST ABOUT READY. ( in Ike talk )"AND BEHIN DA GLASSDER DUSTY FOWNY EYE." VERY GOOD, IKE ! THAT'S TWO JOHN STEINBECKBOOKS IN ONE DAY ! COOKIE MONSTER ! OH, HE'S GROWING UPSO FAST ! MOM, DAD,AM I GOING TO HELL ? WHY, WHAT DIDYOU DO, KYLE ? NOTHING,BUT THE GUYS SAID IF I DON'T CONFESSMY SINS AND EAT CRACKERS, I'M GONNA GO TO HELL ! OH, NO,THAT'S JUST CATHOLICS. US JEWS DON'TBELIEVE IN HELL. WE DON'T ? BUT WHATIF WE'RE WRONG ? WELL, KYLE, THEY COULDBE WRONG, TOO. YEAH, BUT IF THEY'RE WRONG,NO BIG DEAL. IF WE'RE WRONG,WE BURN IN HELL ! OH NO ! KYLE, IT'S ALL ABOUT BEINGA GOOD PERSON NOW. YOU SEE, CHRISTIANS USE HELLAS A WAY TO SCARE PEOPLE INTO BELIEVINGWHAT THEY BELIEVE. BUT TO BELIEVE IN SOMETHING,JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE AFRAIDOF THE CONSEQUENCES IF YOU DON'T BELIEVEIN SOMETHING IS NO REASONTO BELIEVE IN SOMETHING. UNDERSTAND ?NO. WELL, YOU GUYS CANDO WHAT YOU WANT. I'M GOING DOWN TO THAT CHURCHTO CONFESS MY SINSAND EAT CRACKERS. AND I'M TAKINGIKE WITH ME !KYLE ! SO, SADDAM, SATAN TOLD ME ALL ABOUTHOW YOU GUYS ALMOSTTOOK OVER THE WORLD ONCE. YEAH, THOSE WERETHE DAYS, BOY. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS CRAPWE'RE EATING, ANYWAY ? IT'S ALL VEGETARIAN,SADDAM, CHRIS WAS A NUTRITIONISTBEFORE HE DIED. OH, ISN'T THATFASCINATING ? SO TELL ME, CHRIS,HOW WAS IT THAT YOU DIED ? OH, WELL, I ACTUALLY SLIPPEDDOWN AN ESCALATOR IN A MALL. THOSE THINGS CAN BEPRETTY SKETCHY. AN ESCALATOR ? WHAT KIND OF PUSSY WAYOF DYING IS THAT ? LOOK, SADDAM, I KNOW THAT YOUAND SATAN HAD A RELATIONSHIP. AND I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW, THAT I'M TOTALLY OKAY WITHYOU GUYS STAYING FRIENDS.UH-HUH. I THINK IT'S IMPORTANTTO STAY FRIENDS WITH PEOPLEYOU HAD RELATIONSHIPS WITH. AND I KNOW THAT SATAN AND MYRELATIONSHIP IS STRONG ENOUGH THAT IT CAN HANDLEANYTHING. RIGHT ? RIGHT !

AND I'LL BE TEACHING YOU,SO THAT YOU ALL CAN RECEIVEYOUR FIRST COMMUNION ! ARE WE GONNAGO TO HELL ? WELL, HOPEFULLY NOT. THAT'S WHY YOU'RE GONNANEED TO RECEIVE COMMUNION. AND AS LONG AS WE GET THISCOMMUNION THING, WE'RE SAFE ? WHAT IF WE HAVEN'T REALLYDONE ANYTHING THAT HORRIBLYBAD IN OUR LIVES ? YEAH, WHAT IFWE HADN'T ? IT DOESN'T MATTER,BECAUSE WE ARE ALL BORNWITH ORIGINAL SIN. NOW LET ME EXPLAINHOW COMMUNION WORKS. THE PRIEST WILL GIVE YOUTHIS ROUND CRACKER, AND HE WILL SAY, "THE BODY OF CHRIST"AND THEN YOU EAT IT. JESUS WAS MADEOF CRACKERS ?NO. BUT CRACKERSARE HIS BODY. YES. WHAT ? IN THE BOOK OF MARK, JESUSDISTRIBUTED BREAD AND SAID, "EAT THIS,FOR IT IS MY BODY." SO WE WON'T GO TO HELL,AS LONG AS WE EAT CRACKERS ? NO, NO, NO, NO ! WELL, WHAT AREWE EATIN' THEN ? THE BODY OF CHRIST ! OH, I GET IT, JESUS WANTEDUS TO EAT HIM, BUT HE DIDN'T WANT USTO BE CANNIBALS SO HE TURNED HIMSELFINTO CRACKERS AND THENTOLD PEOPLE TO EAT 'IM. NO !NO ? I CAN'T WHISTLEIF I EAT TOO MANY CRACKERS. LOOK, ALL YOU HAVE TO KNOWIS THAT WHEN THE PRIESTGIVES YOU THE CRACKER YOU EAT IT, OKAY ? OKAY.OKAY. AND THEN YOU WILL DRINKA VERY SMALL AMOUNT OF WINE. FOR THAT ISTHE BLOOD OF CHRIST. OH, COME ON NOW,THIS IS JUST GETTING SILLY ! ERIC, DO YOU WANTTO GO TO HELL ? NO !THEN STOPQUESTIONING ME ! BUT NOW WE CAN HAVE COMMUNIONAND NOT GO TO HELL, RIGHT ? NO, BECAUSE BEFORE YOU CANTAKE YOUR FIRST COMMUNION, YOU HAVE TO HAVEYOUR FIRST CONFESSION.CONFESSION ! YOU'LL BE GETTING INTHE CONFESSION BOXWITH A PRIEST AND CONFESSING ALL YOUR SINS,SO THAT GOD CAN FORGIVE YOU. YOU KIDS WILL ALL HAVE TO GOTO YOUR FIRST CONFESSIONTHIS TUESDAY. SO I WANT YOU ALLTO GO HOME TONIGHT, AND THINK LONG AND HARDABOUT ALL YOUR SINS, SO THAT YOU CAN TELLTHE PRIEST EVERYTHING. Oh, sh-- !

YEAH. HEY YOU, YOU'VE BEENACTING STRANGE ALL NIGHT. WHAT'S UP ?NOTHING, WHY. WELL, IT'S JUST THATYOU'VE WASHED THAT SAME DISHSEVEN TIMES NOW, SILLY. OH, SORRY,HEH-HEH. COME ON, SATAN,YOU KNOW YOU CANTELL ME ANYTHING. WHAT'S UP ? WELL, CHRIS,SADDAM SHOWED UP TODAY. OH... WOW, I WASN'T READYFOR THAT. HE SHOWED UP SPOUTINGALL KINDS OF THINGS ABOUT HOW HE'S CHANGEDAND HE STILL LOVES ME. I THOUGHT YOU...KILLED HIM. YEAH, WELL, WHERE WASHE GONNA GO, DETROIT ? DO YOU STILL LOVE HIM ? NO, CHRIS. IT'S OKAY IF YOU DO.WELL, I MEAN... OF COURSE THERE'S A PART OF METHAT WILL ALWAYS LOVE HIM. BUT I ALSO KNOWHOW ABUSIVE HE WAS. I'M MUCH HAPPIERWITH YOU. YOU KNOW WHATI THINK WE SHOULD DO ? I THINK WE SHOULDALL GET TOGETHER ANDJUST TALK LIKE ADULTS. WHAT ? WE'RE ALL GROWN MENHERE, SATAN, I WANNAJUST GO MEET THIS GUY. NO, CHRIS, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND,SADDAM IS ( beep )ING CRAZY. I KNOW HE'S GOT THE WHOLE"BAD BOY" THING GOING. I THINK THAT'S WHATYOU WERE ATTRACTED TO. BUT I CAN BE A PRETTYROUGH TUMBLER MYSELF. ( glass breaking ) OOPS !AW, BUTTERNUTS !

OKAY, LET'S SEE... OH YEAH, THERE WAS THE TIMEWE THREW A FISH INTOTHE BUS DRIVER'S HAIR AND SHE DIDN'T FIND ITFOR SEVEN DAYS.OH YEAH, OKAY. AND THEN THERE WAS THE TIMEWE HELD THAT LITTLEFIRST-GRADER DOWN AND FARTED ON HIMFOR 28 MINUTES. RIGHT, I ALREADYGOT THAT ONE. HEY DUDES,WHAT ARE YOU DOING ? WE'RE TRYING TO REMEMBERALL OUR SINS. SISTER ANNE TOLD US WE HAVETO CONFESS ALL OUR SINS OR ELSE WE'RE GONNAGO TO HELL !WHAT ? HAVE YOU CONFESSEDALL YOUR SINS YET ?NO ! DUDE, HE'S JEWISH, HE DOESN'THAVE TO CONFESS HIS SINS. OH GOOD, I DON'T ? NO, YOU'RE ALREADYGOING TO HELL. I AM NOT !YOU ARE TOO ! DUDE, THIS LADY TOLD USTHAT IF YOU DON'TCONFESS YOUR SINS AND YOU DON'T EAT CRACKERSAND DRINK WINE, THEN YOUGO TO HELL, PERIOD ! I'M GONNA GOASK MY MOM ! NOW LET'S SEE... WHAT ABOUT THE TIME WE SETMR. GARRISON'S CAT ON FIRE ? OH RIGHT, THAT WAS MOSTLYKENNY'S FAULT.What ? YOU GUYS, YOU GUYS! WE JUSTTHOUGHT OF SOMETHIN' ! WHAT, BUTTERS ? WELL, WHAT ABOUTTHE HANDICAPPED KID, TIMMY ? TIMMY ! WHAT'D WE DOTO TIMMY ? NO, I MEAN POOR TIMMY'SGONNA GO TO HELL ! HE CAN'T CONFESS HIS SINS'CAUSE ALL HE CAN SAY IS HIS NAME ! TIMMY ! OOH, YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT,I GUESS TIMMY'S PRETTY SCREWED. OH MAN, WE CAN'T LETTIMMY GO TO HELL ! WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING !What are we gonna do ? I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.

I CAN'T DENY MY FEELINGSFOR SADDAM, BUT MY LIFE IS SO MUCHBETTER NOW WITH CHRIS. EE-AA-EE-AABE-YA-KI-KI-KI ! YEAH, IT'S LIKE CHRIS ISSO PERFECT IN EVERY WAY, BUT THERE'S JUST SOMETHINGABOUT SADDAM THAT I'M MUCH MOREATTRACTED TO. EEE-AAA-BEECHA-EEE-AA-BEAA ! IN WHAT WAY ? EEE-AA-BEEEA-BEACHAAA ! YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. SADDAM WOULD JUSTTREAT ME BAD AGAIN ! I JUST HAVE TONOT SEE SADDAM, PUT HIM OUT OF MY MINDAND FOCUS ON CHRIS. IF I DON'T SEE SADDAM, THEN WON'T HAVE SUCHSTRONG FEELINGS FOR HIM. THANKS GUYS ! GOYCHA ! THERE YOU ARE !OH, HI CHRIS ! I'VE BEEN LOOKINGALL OVER FOR YOU. I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHINGTHAT MIGHT MAKE YOU... A LITTLE MAD.WHAT ? WELL, I CALLED SADDAM HUSSEIN AND INVITED HIM OVERFOR DINNER TONIGHT. YOU WHAT ?! I JUST THINK WE ALL NEEDTO GET THIS OUT IN THE OPEN. AW, CHRIS, AAAGHGH ! AAGHGH ! COME ON, SATAN,WE'RE ALL ADULTS HERE. HE WAS AN IMPORTANT PERSONIN YOUR LIFE, FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE,SO I WANT TO KNOW HIM. IF HE SEES THAT I'MA REAL PERSON TOO, THEN MAYBE HE'LL SEEHOW HAPPY WE ARE TOGETHER. NO, CHRIS, HE'LL TRY TOKILL YOU IS WHAT HE'LL DO ! SATAN, WE'RE NOT INJUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL ANYMORE. OH DEAR GOD !

HOW WAS IT ? OH DUDE,YOU SCREWED ME UP !HUH ? THE GUY IN THERE SAIDI HAVE TO SAY 54 "HAIL MARYs". NOW I CAN'T REMEMBER IFI WAS ON NUMBER 7 OR 8 ! WHO'S IN THERE ?I DON'T KNOW. YOU CAN'T SEE HIM,IT'S JUST SOME ANONYMOUS GUY. WELL, HERE GOESEVERYTHING ! UH, FORGIVE ME, FATHER,FOR I HAVE SINNED. BLESSED ART THOU, CHILD. NOW, WHAT DO YOUHAVE TO CONFESS ? WELL, LET'S SEE... I'D LIKE TO START, IF I MAY,BACK WHEN I WAS TWO AND A HALF. IT WAS A COLD, APRIL MORNINGAND THE DEW ON THE GRASS WAS FROZEN LIKETINY BEADS OF GLASS. HAIL MARY, FULL OF GRACETHE LORD IS WITH THEE-Hey, dude. GOD DAMMIT !What ? OOH, THERE'S SISTER ANNE,COME ON WE GOTTA ASK HERABOUT TIMMY ! SISTER ANNE !OH, HELLO, CHILDREN. WE HAVE A QUESTION.OKAY, SHOOT. WHERE DO HANDICAPPED PEOPLEGO WHEN THEY DIE ? THE HANDICAPPED ARE JUSTPEOPLE LIKE YOU AND ME,SO THE SAME RULES APPLY. THEY NEED TO BE BAPTIZED,TAKE COMMUNION ANDCONFESS THEIR SINS. BUT OUR FRIEND TIMMY CAN'TREALLY TALK, ALL HE CAN DOIS SAY HIS OWN NAME, SO HE CAN'T REALLYCONFESS HIS SINS, SO ISHE GOING TO GO TO HELL ? UH... THIS REALLY ISN'T A QUESTIONFOR ME, IT'S FOR THE PRIEST. I'LL SEE IFI CAN FIND HIM, BYE ! AND THAT WAS ABOUT EVERYTHINGFROM FIRST GRADE, THEN LAST YEAR, WELL... YOU CAN'T TELL ANYBODYABOUT THIS STUFF, RIGHT ? YOUR CONFESSION DOES NOTLEAVE THIS BOX. OKAY, BECAUSE LAST YEAR, I TOOK A SANDWICH THATTHE PRIEST OF THIS CHURCHHAD BEEN EATING. OH, WELL... I'M SURE HE WOULDFORGIVE YOU, IF HE KNEW. YEAH, BUT I'M NOTFINISHED YET. I TOOK A SANDWICHTHAT THE PREIST WAS EATING, TOOK THE PIECE OF HAMOUT OF IT, PUT ITBETWEEN MY BUTT CHEEKS, THEN PUT THE SANDWICH BACKAND WATCHED HIM EAT IT. I SEE. YEAH, AND THEN THISOTHER TIME, I WENT PEE-PEEIN THE HOLY WATER THING AND THE PRIEST BLESSED HIMSELFON THE FOREHEAD WITH IT EVERY DAY FORABOUT A WEEK. AND THEN ONE TIME,I WAS AT THE PARK AND THE PRIEST WAS OUTWALKING HIS DOG, AND I WENT NUMBER TWOON THE SIDEWALK AND THEN TOLD OFFICER BARBRADYTHAT IT WAS THE PRIEST'S DOG, AND SO THE PRIESTGOT FINED LIKE $100FOR NOT CLEANING IT UP. AND THEN THIS ONE TIME, I PUT SUPER GLUEALL OVER THE PRIEST'S BIBLE-- AH, AH, OH, JESUS,AAGHGH ! AAGHH ! AAAGH ! Ah, ah, help ! FATHER, I NEEDTO TALK TO YOU ? FATHER, I HAVE TOASK YOU A QUESTION. OKAY, OKAY, FINE. OH, OH ! DUDE, WHAT HAPPENED ? I FELT IT YOU GUYS ! I FELTTHE ANGRY HANDS OF GOD ! HE IS AN ANGRY GOD,YOU GUYS. WE ALL HAVE TO STARTTAKING THIS VERY SERIOUSLY !

FATHER, THE CHILDREN ASKED MEABOUT THEIR HANDICAPPED FRIEND. I WANT TO EXPLAIN TO THEMTHAT HE'S FINE. WELL, HAS YOUR FRIEND EVERCONFESSED OR BEEN BAPTIZED ? I DON'T THINK SO. THEN HELL AWAITS HIM. FATHER, THESE BOYS AREREALLY WORRIED BECAUSETHEY THINK THEY HAVE TO- THEY SHOULD BE WORRIED. BOYS, IT IS YOUR CHRISTIAN DUTY TO SAVETHE SOULS OF YOUR FRIENDS. YES, BUT-- MR. FATHER ! WE HAVE TOASK YOU SOMETHING ! OH, YOU'RE THE LITTLEJEWISH BOY, RIGHT ? YEAH, IF WE'RE JEWISH,ARE WE GONNA GO TO HELL ? WELL, YOUNG MAN,YOU CAN REST ASSURED THAT ACCORDING TOMATTHEW 25, WHEN YOU DIE, YOU WILLSTAND BEFORE GOD AND HE WILL SAY "DEPART FROM ME, YE CURSED,INTO THE ETERNAL FIRE PREPARED FOR THE DEVILAND HIS ANGELS." YES, AS A JEW, YOUR HOMEWILL BE THE LAKE OF FIRE. OH NO ! FATHER ! I HOPE TO SEE ALL OF YOUIN CHURCH THIS SUNDAY ! WE WILL BE !WE WILL BE ! FATHER, I DON'T KNOW IFI AGREE FULLY WITH WHATYOU'RE SAYING. I THINK THAT AS LONG ASJEWISH PEOPLE ARE GOOD, THEY WILLGET INTO HEAVEN. SISTER, THE JEWSCRUCIFIED OUR SAVIOR. I'M MEAN, IF YOU DON'T GOTO HELL FOR CRUCIFYING A SAVIOR, THEN WHAT THE HELL DO YOU GO TO HELL FOR ? STAN, YOU'VE GOTTO HELP US BECOMEGOOD CHRISTIANS, PLEASE ! ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT,YOU HEARD THE PRIEST, THE FIRST THING WE HAVE TO DOIS GET YOU GUYS ALL BAPTIZED,COME ON ! WAGH-BLAGH-AGGH ! WAGH-HA-HAGH-BLAGH ! OKAY, YOU BETTER BAPTIZEKYLE SOME MORE. HALLELUJAH,WASH AWAY THE SIN !AGH ! TURN AROUND SO I CANCLEAN OUT YOUR ASS ! CARTMAN !WHAT ? DUDE, YOU SAID "ASS",THAT'S A SIN ! OH, NOW YOU'VESAID IT TOO ! OH, SH--, AGH !F---, whoops ! OH, DUDE, WE GOTTA GET BACK TOTHE CHURCH AND CONFESS AGAIN ! BUT WHAT ABOUT THEM ?UH, OH, I KNOW ! WE CAN USE"WACKY WATER WEASEL" ! AGH ! OKAY, COME ON ! TIMMY ! WELL, I DON'T KNOWABOUT YOU GUYS,

BUT ALL THAT GINGERMADE ME TIRED ! YEAH, I GUESS I SHOULDBE GETTING BACK. GOOD,I'LL SHOW YOU OUT. NICE TO MEET YOU, SADDAM,HAVE A SAFE WALK BACK ! YEAH, THANKS FOR THE WHEATGRASSAND TWIGS AND STUFF ! SATAN, THAT GUYIS A PUSSY ! HE'S STABLE SADDAM ! YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I SAID,HE'S A PUSSY ! HAVING STABILITY IN YOUR LIFEIS A GREAT THING,YOU SHOULD TRY IT ! FOR SOME PEOPLE, MAYBE,BUT YOU LIKE EXCITEMENT. I KNOW YOU, SATAN. I'M VERY HAPPYWITH MY LIFE NOW. HERE. I'M AT THE BARGAIN HOTELON MALA VISTA, ROOM 16. NO, SADDAM,I WON'T BE NEEDING THIS. I KNOW YOU WON'T, BUT JUSTKEEP IT JUST IN CASE. IT WAS GOOD SEEING YOUAGAIN, SATAN, GOODNIGHT. GOODNIGHT, PUSSY,I MEAN, CHRIS ! G'NITE ! Hello, Your Excellency. THIS IS SISTER ANNE,THE BLEEDING EYES OF JESUS, CALLING FROMTHE UNITED STATES. YES, I UNDERSTAND YOU WISHTO SPEAK-A WITH THE POPE. YES, THE PRIEST HERE HAS BEENTELLING THE CHILDREN SOME PRETTYRADICAL THINGS, AND I JUST WANTED TO SEEWHAT THE CHURCH THINKS ABOUT JEWS ANDTHE MENTALLY HANDICAPPED. YES, WELL, THE POPE IS HERE,BUT PLEASE KEEP IT BRIEF, HE IS-A VERY OLD-A. HUH ? HELLO, HIS HOLINESS. I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT PEOPLEWITH MENTAL DISABILITIES. HUH ? DO MENTALLY CHALLENGED PEOPLEGO TO HELL ? ( mumbling )...HUH ? HANDICAP,MENTAL HANDICAP. BRDRDRBRDRDRDRDR. THE PRIEST HERE SAID THATPEOPLE WITH MENTAL HANDICAPSMIGHT END UP IN HELL, IS THAT TRUE ? UHHHHHHH...BDRDRDRDRDRDRR. COME ON, THIS STUPID LIGHTWON'T CHANGE. COME ON, HURRY UP ! HEY, WHAT AREYOU GUYS DOING ? WE'RE GOING TO CHURCH,WE SINNED AND SO WE HAVETO CONFESS AGAIN ! US, TOO, WE SAW A PICTUREOF A NAKED LADY. WE COULD SEEHER WHOLE BEAVER ! YEAH, IF WE DIED RIGHT NOW,WE'D HAVE UNCLEAN SOULSAND WE'D BURN IN HELL ! WELL COME ON,LET'S GO ! OH MY GOD !THEY KILLED KENNY ! HE HAD SINS THATHE DIDN'T CONFESS ! AND HE NEVERTOOK COMMUNION ! HE'S DOOMED. WE GOTTA GET TO THAT CHURCHBEFORE WE DIE ! YEAH ! CAREFUL.

YEAH. THAT'S HOT. YOU TAKE IT. YOU TAKE IT, NOW. CHRIS,WHAT ARE YOU DOING ? I'M JUST... I'M JUST TRYING TO BEA LITTLE MORE NAUGHTY IN BED. I KNOW THAT'S WHAT YOU LIKEDABOUT SEX WITH SADDAM, I'M JUST SHOWING YOU THATI CAN BE THAT WAY TOO. OH BOY. UH-HUH. YEAH, YOU LIKE THAT,DON'T YOU, BITCH ? I'M A BAD BOY. YEAH,TAKE THAT. CHRIS, JUST DON'T,DON'T DO THAT. BUT IT TURNS YOU ON. WHEN SADDAM DID IT,YEAH, BUT... BUT WHAT ? NOTHING, I JUST...I'M JUST REALLY TIRED IS ALL. CAN WE JUST PLEASEGO TO SLEEP ? CHRIS, SERIOUSLY,I'M JUST TIRED, OKAY. OKAY,I LOVE YOU, SATAN. I LOVE YOU TOO, SADDAM. WAH !WAH ! AH, I'M SORRY,I MEAN CHRIS ! IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY,I, UH, OH... I UNDERSTAND,I DO. I JUST NEED TO GOGET SOME AIR, OKAY. I'LL BE BACKREALLY QUICK. YEAH, SURE, OKAY.

OH NO,IT'S LOCKED ! WHAT, NO, IT CAN'T BE LOCKEDWE HAVE TO CONFESS ! WE HAVE TO CONFESS OUR SINSBEFORE WE DIE ! HEY, THERE'S A WINDOWIN THE BACK THAT'SUSUALLY OPEN ! THE CONFESSION BOXIS OVER THERE ! I'M FIRST, I'M FIRST ! OOH ! WHAT THE-- OH, SON OF A BITCH ! HE-HE-HE ! UH, KIDS, UH... YOU'RE A SINNER ! YOU'RE DOING UNNATURAL THINGSIN THE HOUSE OF GOD ! OH, UH... OH FORGIVE ME,HEAVENLY FATHER ! I HAVE SINNEDAGAINST YOU ! OH, THIS GUY IS SO GONNA BURN ! MRS. DONOVAN ISA TEMPTRESS FROM HELL ! DUDE, IF THIS GUY'S GOINGTO HELL, WHO'S GONNA SAVE US ? WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE WE'REGONNA HAVE TO SAVE TIMMY, KYLE AND EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS TOWNFROM THE ANGRY HAND OF GODOURSELVES ! OH THE PAIN !