“The president and first lady were handing out candy. What kind of music do you play when you have a bunch of little kids coming over? That’s right — Michael Jackson. I guess — maybe they don’t get HBO at the White House.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“As you can see, Trump is dressed in the same unconvincing president costume he’s had on since 2016.” — JAMES CORDEN

“And the kids were super excited, until they got the bill.” — SETH MEYERS

“It’s true — yesterday, kids trick-or-treated at the White House. Yeah, Trump only gave the kids candy if they promised to investigate Joe Biden.” — CONAN O’BRIEN

“Some of them were disappointed and asked, ‘What happened to that nice family that used to live here?’” — CONAN O’BRIEN

“Melania handed out candy, while Trump took it back. [As Trump] ‘Sorry, kid, executive privilege.’” — SETH MEYERS

“What a spooky experience for those children. ‘It’s that big creepy house on the end of the block. They say the old man who lives there wears hair made from dead people.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“But the kids got candy, songs, the rare opportunity to see Rudy Giuliani bite the head off a pigeon.” — JIMMY KIMMEL