The Indonesian palm civet. Thai elephants. Peruvian coati raccoons. And now, your next door neighbor? The cultural obsession with fecal coffee has taken a new and disturbing turn, as one Portland area man is apparently selling his own personal “kopi luwak style” coffee on Craigslist. Grown, harvested, and “processed” personally, this man will even deliver his coffee to you for $30 a pound, “in time for the holidays.”

I'm a home roaster and I'm noticing in the newpapers that animal poop coffee is really popular and expensive. I've been growing yellow bourbon arabica in my greenhouse for a couple of years and it's finally starting to produce quality cherry. I will personally ingest this cherry and mimic the “kopi luwak” process. I will roast this coffee so that it's ready to brew, in time for the holidays. I will be able to harvest only a couple of pounds of this special kind of coffee so act now before it's too late.

I'm 47, healthy, and will guarantee you'll like my kopi luwak style coffees. Fecal specimens available for inspection upon request.