DWP declares Captain Tom Moore fit for work

Fundraising hero Captain Tom Moore has been assessed as fit to work by the Department of Work and Pensions it has emerged.

The 99-year-old war veteran who has raised in excess of £14m for the NHS by completing 100 laps of his garden will have his state pension and other benefits withdrawn.

“Anyone who is fit enough to go round his garden 100 times is clearly fit for work,” said Work and Pensions Secretary Therese Coffey.

“Its time for Captain Tom to stop raising money for the NHS and think about being less of a burden on society when he is clearly fit enough to undertake paid work.

“We obviously thank him for his contribution, but when the lockdown is over his benefits will be stopped and he can go down to the Job Centre and look for gainful employment instead of spending his days watching ‘Loose Women’ with all the other parasites.”

Captain Tom started raising funds to thank NHS staff who helped treat him for a broken hip, and completed 100 laps of his garden with the help his trusty Zimmer frame.

“That Zimmer frame’s not fooling anyone,” said Coffey.

“If he can use a Zimmer, then he can ride a bike, and I know Deliveroo are looking for staff so that could be an option.”

The Captain will celebrate his 100th birthday on 30th April and is rumoured to be in line for a knighthood.

“It would be such a thrill to meet the Queen,” said Moore.

“I’ve always liked the younger ladies.”

You can still donate to Captain Tom’s fundraiser HERE

EDIT: Comedian Bennett Arron made this joke before us on Twitter, but it didn’t show up when we searched because it was an image, you should all follow him here!