Oh, The Places You’ll Hide!

Watch out, darling!

Today is the day.

A shooter is coming;

He’s off and away!

You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes.

You can hide from the killer

Anywhere that you choose.

You’re on your own. The ammunition is live.

And YOU are the kid who’ll try hard to survive.

You’ll stay in the classroom. There’s dread in the air.

Your teacher will say, “Oh no, please don’t go there!”

With your head full of brains and your heart full of fear,

You’ll run to a closet to hide from who’s near.

Your friends may not join.

You’ll miss them, I know.

Even so, please stay,

You’ll want to lie low.

You’ll hear a great boom

In the wide open room.

Out there things will happen

(They frequently do

To victims as tiny

And helpless as you).

So when kids start screaming,

Don’t listen. Don’t flinch.

Just stay in the dark

And don’t move an inch.

OH!

THE PLACES YOU’LL HIDE!

He’ll go on his way;

He’ll be finding new prey.

You’ll join the fortunate few,

The kids who came through.

Don’t look at the bodies when the cops get you free.

The killer is elsewhere; it’s now time to flee.

Wherever you are, please never forget:

If you follow instructions, you’ll live through the threat.

Except when you don’t

Because, sometimes, you won’t.

The world’s scary, of course,

As you already know.

You may get mixed up

With AR-15s as you go.

So be sure when you step,

Step with care and great tact,

And remember the NRA’s

Great Balancing Act.

You’ll never forget that the right to stay armed

Is miles more important than the kids who are harmed.

So will you succeed?

Yes! You will, indeed!*

(*but we legally can’t say it’s guaranteed)

KID, YOU MIGHT MAKE IT TO ADULTHOOD!

So…

Be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray

Or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea,

You’re off to the classroom!

Today is the day!

Your closet is waiting,

So…get on your way!