Gina Haspel the Torturing Rascal

To the uninformed eye, the Central Intelligence Agency may appear to be just that: an organization built around gathering intelligence on foreign affairs. That time has passed; though it is debatable whether or not there was ever such a time for what was once referred to instead as: the Cocaine Importers Association. Like our congress, senate, president’s office, judicial branch, Federal Bureau of Investigation, postal service, Food and Drug Administration, treasury and most other portions of american government in 2018, the CIA has gleefully chosen to eschew all forms of accountability. In fact, the mere mention of such a word might give the likes of Gina Haspel the shivers and shakes. After all, one can only imagine how a person might go about owning up to a lifetime of torturing and maiming for sport national security. A sociopathic sadist. This is who will be the first woman director of the CIA, and with her, comes a new era.

Now, this is not to say that torture cannot be a useful tool. After experiencing it firsthand living through two years of mainstream media coverage of Donald Trump, and not much else, I can safely say that my perspective has been altered. And, if someone locked me inside of a room with CNN being played on loop for hours on end, I would likely volunteer any information that the good person wanted to know, in order to escape it. Torture works. It is the moral question that brings us trouble.

Fortunately for us, the appointment of Gina “If He Gives Us a Hassle Just Lightning Rod His Asshole” Haspel removes the need to come to grips with this ethical conundrum almost entirely. Such is the nature of a woman without morals. For Gina “Hold’em Down While I Go to Town” Haspel, torture is not a matter of right or wrong, but rather, something more akin to a hobby. Would you question the morality of playing with Legos? What about the ethicality of baseball? Is it wrong to enjoy long walks on the beach? For Gina “Remove His Finger if He’s Not a Singer” Haspel, the systematic excruciation, laceration, impalement, torment and unnatural suffering of her victims is simply what gets her out of bed with the devil each morning.

Now, you might be thinking “But Mr. Lawrence, those are terrorists! They deserve to have their balls shocked off!” And while I might agree with you, a surprising number of her tortured victims were later found out to be completely innocent. And, after the passage of the Patriot Act in 2001, what is stopping our benign intelligence director from abducting law abiding citizens and conducting all sorts of nasty experiments? What if those law abiding citizens also happen to have political opinions that the current administration does not approve of? What if upstanding folks like Gina Haspel feel the need to turn their tools of persuasion on anyone? “But Mr. Lawrence, that’s crazy talk! Our democratic government would never do anything to harm its own citizens!”

Well, if the same agency that brought us the fun-filled MK Ultra, Northwoods, Paperclip, and Mockingbird operations now says it wants to become even more vicious, then perhaps it is time to grow a little bit wary. Part of our unelected government has near infinite funding, complete and utter secrecy granted in the name of national security, zero accountability for its actions, and a sociopath sitting at the helm. This sounds like the plot of an upcoming supervillain movie, but it’s not. It’s just another Tuesday, in the United States of America.