

Have some “me” time each day



Reward yourself for your accomplishments



Engage yourself in activities you enjoy and are good at



Exercise daily



Pick up a new hobby or learn a new skill



Do something creative like writing, painting or a handy DIY project



Learn some relaxation techniques



Getting out of an abusive relationship may mean you’ve had to relocate, near or far, you may have had to make new life arrangements for you and the children; work, school, house and you finally begin to feel the relief of knowing or at least feeling like you’ve escaped the abuse. Now it’s time for you to look ahead and begin healing even if it may be years before you feel the damage has been reversed.Once you’re away from the actual abuse you’ll have the opportunity to stop bearing your teeth allowing yourself to feel everything you’ve pushed aside for the sake of your children and practicality itself. You may experience a sense of “the world crashing down on you” as you are overwhelmed by the feelings the experience has left you with. These feelings may include grief, pain,sense of loss, lowered self-esteem and self-confidence.During this time you’ll have to be in touch with your inner self and really listen to what it can and can’t handle. Be careful about taking on too much too early; you may be tempted to do this to distract you from what you’re feeling. Distractions are a good thing and channelling your emotions in a positive way CAN help you heal but make sure you’re staying in line with what’s going on inside. It may be hard to deal with pain being at center stage but, with time, the attention you give to it will lessen but only if you are properly facing it and not sweeping it under the rug.You may experience feelings of loneliness or isolation. Before you had someone to go home to but remind yourself that it may be nicer to come home to a peaceful empty home than an abusive one. If you can do so get in touch with friends and family. If you lost touch with them this would be a good time to reconnect.Engage in positive and productive behaviours such as:Being in an abusive relationship results in a loss of self-confidence. You were probably belittled, your intelligence, skills and emotional sanity undermined. If you suffered financial abuse and emotional manipulation from abusive men , you may have been left feeling lost, directionless and vulnerable. First of all remember that this is something someone did to you, it’s not in any way your fault. Once you’ve convinced yourself of that you should start looking at how you can boost your confidence once again. You did take the steps towards getting out of it, that took strength.Some people find it helpful to talk to others who’ve experienced domestic violence. You can call the Freephone 24 Hour National Domestic Violence Helpline to find out more about support groups. You can also buy self-help books and audio books which can help you gain more insight into getting your confidence back up there.The same way this experience has turned your life upside down it may be even more complicated for your children who may not fully understand what’s just happened. Consider that if you’ve moved to a new area they will have to adjust to a new school, home and make new friends. While it’s understandable that this is a hard time for you and you do have to take care of yourself your children will also require your strength and support to help them through it. It’s important for you to be honest and open with your children, if you show the ability to talk about your feelings with them in a productive way it can set an example for expressing their feelings in a healthy and constructive way. Even if they will be relieved about not having to experience the abuse anymore they may still miss their father, this is normal because the love a child feels is a much simpler version of the one adult’s feel. If you feel it’s safe for them to see your ex-partner you should look into visitation arrangements.