While many women around the world have spoken up as part of the #MeToo movement, calling Time's Up on sexual harassment, many men are feeling confused, blamed and excluded.

For the past 20 years David Mallard has convened the Melbourne Men's Group and has noticed an increase in the number of men feeling confused.

"They're not quite sure what they're supposed to be or how they're supposed to act," he said.

The 59-year-old said while women's roles were changing, masculinity was in a state of confusion, with many men left asking what it meant to be a man.

"The old 'Aussie bloke' masculinity, as it has been for the last 100 years or so, isn't cutting it in the current environment," he said.

While many of the nearly 600 participants in the various groups were on average 40 years old, millennial men were also feeling confused.

David Mallard's 24-year-old son Sean Mallard said at times many of his university peers had felt like second-class citizens.

"The narrative on campus is that men's feelings and men's issues are just ignored and swept away because it's time for female empowerment," he said

While the electronics engineering and computer science graduate and his father agreed it was important for women to speak out about sexual harassment and assault, both agreed men should not be left behind in the change.

"As the change program washes through, all the messaging is about women and the difficulties women face, and we've got to go through this together. It's not either/or, it's both," David Mallard said.

Writer and social commentator Jane Caro said that while she understood those feelings, historically men had taken up the majority of the space in public conversations for most of the time.

"So, it's a new feeling for them to find that there is a public conversation going on … this is new territory and new territory is always hard," she said.

"As more women take up more space and as their concerns take up more space, particularly in the public conversation and public life, men are having to take up a little less space, and that's always an uncomfortable place to be."

Disconnect between expectations and socialisation

Sean Mallard says many male university students are unsure about the 'rules' when approaching women. ( ABC Central Victoria: Larissa Romensky )

David Mallard recalled the relative simplicity of his father's generation when roles were "very distinct and hard wired" and expectations were clear.

He said although roles had completely changed, little had changed in the way boys and men were socialised.

"There's a disconnect and a mismatch between expectations of men and how we produce men," he said.

"You get men at the end of the sausage factory and they're blokes who aren't really set up for success in the context of the new world we're in, in terms of changing roles."

He said this lack of success was reflected in the fact men made up an average six out of eight suicides every day in Australia.

"Three times the rate of women," David Mallard said.

He said this was largely due to men being ill equipped in dealing with their emotions, thus lacking a voice and not being able to articulate their experiences.

"Men get socialised into wearing an emotional straightjacket."

Ms Caro acknowledged the destructive effects of "gender policing", particularly for boys, but said feminists had been prominent in their fight against this.

"What we need is men supporting feminism, not arguing against it, because when men support feminism, that makes the breaking down and the dismantlement of the painful part of patriarchy for men much quicker and easier."

'Feeling guilty for being a bloke'

Most men are good, according to David Mallard, and the minority of "bad men who do bad things" should not be extended to all men who end up "feeling guilty for being a bloke".

"The frustration I hear from men is 'Well, I'm not like that, I've never done that before'," David Mallard said.

Ms Caro said men did not have to feel guilty for something they had not done, and it was not a woman's job to protect men from negative feelings — something women had done from "time immemorial".

"If they feel guilty about something they haven't done then they need to deal with that," she said.

David Mallard said it left many men asking the question, "How am I supposed to be with women?"

His son echoed the sentiment — although the 24-year-old is in a relationship with a 36-year-old woman, he said many of his friends were fearful their advances towards women could be misinterpreted.

"The men are unsure as to what the rules are anymore because no-one wants to make anyone feel uncomfortable, no-one wants to be labelled as a sexual harasser," Sean Mallard said.

"The big issue with young men is how to approach women."

To Ms Caro it was a clear issue with the rules always having been the same.

"Treat every person you meet with respect and courtesy," she said.

"You cannot go wrong if you approach a woman with respect and courtesy — no harm will come to you."

Ms Caro said while reading body language could be complicated, she thought men were overcomplicating the issue.

"If you are very careful and considerate about not wanting to 'get your rocks off' at someone else's expense, then you'll almost never come a cropper," Ms Caro said.

"A good guy's always been a good guy."

David Mallard said the problem was with "skewed messaging to the negative" from the media that painted men in a bad light, with not enough recognition for the "goodness" of men.

"They hear the macro messages around how men are so f***ed up and doing these bad things, and they hear it from the [women] around them," he said.

He said both were victims of the patriarchy, with men having as much to gain as women from its dismantlement, which Ms Caro agreed with.

But there was often the perception that men had gained much from "being at the top of the tree" and "running the show", according to David Mallard.

More balanced approach needed

While it was important to address the reality of men's violence, David Mallard said the challenges of understanding masculinity required a balanced approach.

"There's got to be a shared narrative somewhere, and I think there's a sense of men-shaming I suppose," he said.

Sean Mallard said this was certainly the case on campus, with often a vocal and dominating minority of women setting the agenda, and while he appreciated a robust discussion with differing opinions, he called for more respect.

"There is a lack of respect for your peers — women not respecting men," he said.

But Ms Caro said it was important if men wanted to get involved in the discussion, that they listened and learned about what it was like being a woman.

"Maybe it's time for a bit of humility," she said.

In the long run, Ms Caro believed men would grow as a result of learning to take up less space and being more generous.

"I guess whenever there's a correction sometimes there'll be a bit of an over-correction," she said.