All the respectables agree: we can support anyone we like, except Ron Paul. That’s what the New York Times, much of the progressive left, and much of the fake-conservative talk-radio right — in other words, the whole spectrum of people who have wrecked the country — agree on.

Here is my blunt translation of what the phonies on right-wing radio are really saying:

Citizen, you appear to be unhappy with the choices our political system offers you. We do not understand this. Bill Clinton vs. Bob Dole, Barack Obama vs. John McCain — what historic contests these were, what great men these are, whose profound reflections on the human condition will be remembered down the ages.

Your wise public servants have your best interests at heart. What a privilege, citizen, for you to choose between them. Now it is true, to be sure, that they pursue essentially the same foreign policy, the same monetary policy, the same policy on drugs, the same policy on civil liberties, and so on, but they’re really, really super different. Super, super different. They are safely different, you might say.

Now there’s this fellow Ron Paul, and we have to tell you, he’s just beyond the pale. He isn’t playing fair. He is offering you a choice. Citizen, your betters have already decided that anyone who dissents from the bipartisan consensus on the Federal Reserve, or foreign policy (remember, citizen, that Hillary Clinton, the New York Times, the Washington Post, and other liberals were strong supporters of George W. Bush’s foreign policy), on centralized versus decentralized power, on presidential war powers, and countless other matters, is probably some sort of crank.

You must not listen to such an enemy of the people, citizen. You can know you are listening to an enemy of the people by this rule: he disagrees with both Hillary Clinton and Newt Gingrich. Who would ever want to do such a thing?

Alan Greenspan was a wise public official who had absolutely nothing to do with the housing bubble and subsequent collapse. He enjoyed bipartisan support, citizen, and isn’t that all you need to know about him?

Citizen, we must insist you continue to support the wise public servants who have brought your country to the condition of wonderful health it presently enjoys. If you continue to support the candidates the two major parties prefer, as you have done in the past, the fortunes of our country will surely improve still further.

However, here is our major concern: the more we shout at you that Ron Paul is dangerous, not respectable, indecent, crazy, irresponsible, and not someone we’d invite to dinner, the more you appear to like him. It is almost as if the disapproval of the New York Times, Rush Limbaugh, and Rachel Maddow has you thinking that this man must be on to something.

It is as if you have concluded that any honest person who might actually do some good for our country would probably be treated exactly the way we and the old media have been treating Ron Paul.

This will not do. Now please, citizen, we urge you one more time: these independent thoughts you have been entertaining have gone quite far enough. Listen to our radio programs for the talking points you are to imbibe and repeat. Do not stray from these, even when we appear to be betraying the cause of limited government and the free market. Listen to us, citizen, so you may count yourself among the respectables.

For what could matter more than being considered respectable by the powers that be? Surely there can be no greater value than this.