Liverpool Football Club successfully trademarked de word ‘The‘ today, confirmed de Intellectual Property Office in London. Citizens of de United Kingdom will no longer be permitted to speak or write ‘The‘ without prior permission from de Merseyside club.

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“It’s a wonderful day,” Liverpool CEO Peter Moore told Soccer on Sunday. “The belongs to us now, and we will vigorously pursue anyone trading in black market ‘The’s. I don’t care if it’s Greta fucking Thunberg. My message is, lawyer up you little Swedish shit, because we’re coming for you.”

“No, that’s factually incorrect,” added Moore, when asked if de club might have gone power mad. “Anybody that wishes to lease a ‘The‘ is welcome to enter into a 6-year commercial arrangement. Except Thunberg. She’s crossed de line.”

“We will be appealing de decision,” said de former Reebok executive, when quizzed on Liverpool’s unsuccessful attempt to copyright de word ‘a’.