So last week I spent what remained of my paltry monetary units from my occupation as a corporate wage slave on six pairs of mirrored sunglasses. Why, you ask? Because, dear reader, one of the many constants of cyberpunk are the mirror shades. For some reason, all cyberpunk works seem to have at least one character wearing a pair. Hell, the first (and essential) cyberpunk anthology is named after them. Maybe this is telling of the purpose–the eyes are one of the most expressive parts of the human body. By blocking the eyes, the wearers’ intentions become obscured, unpredictable, and know to themselves alone, and that’s how they like it. By using mirrored lenses to reflect the world back upon itself, it shows us that they see the world as it truly is. And also, they look really fucking cool.

In an ironic twist, mirror shades seem to have largely grown in popularity as of late, not just across the demographic of obnoxious sportswear users, truckers, and police officers. But you’re not here because you want some Ray Bans with a rainbow finish or cat eye glasses with the star spangled banner on them. You live in the god damn future. That’s why I’m here to share my thoughts. I bought those glasses all for you, to give you my majestic knowledge in making an informed decision, dear reader.

Unfortunately, we don’t have the ability to embed lenses into our skulls (yet) to make the most badass mirror shades ever, nor is AR advanced and cost-effective enough to provide you with a store-bought pair that you can install an adblocker into in order to blur billboards and television commercials from your vision. However, they will offer some protection from retina-scanning public cameras that you just know are gonna pop up any day now. Not that it’s the only way megacorporations and their puppets, the government, can invade your privacy to an unfathomable degree. Also, on the subject of AR glasses, Google Glass is terrifying.

Choosing a pair of mirror shades depends somewhat on how much you want to stand out. And if you’re like us (mostly) you don’t want to stand out too much. Maybe just a little, because you’ve got a superiority complex like me and want to show everyone you’re a cut above the rest of the sheeple. Or maybe just because you still wear the same clothes you wore in high school because you’re broke as shit. Either or both ways, though they might be fun to wear, those wraparound visor sunglasses that remind you of Geordi LaForge have not aged particularly well.

However, if my hunch is correct and the 30-year-cycle exists, the ’90s will be back soon! Perhaps now we can get back on track and acting like we’re in the world of Ghost in the Shell, as we should be. If you want to rock the retro look while it lasts, try to find yourself a pair of oversized visor glasses. These ones are actually a bit nice, a little tight around the ears and somewhat basic but if they made me feel like Major Kusanagi with the added benefit of not looking too unnatural. Something like these laser safety glasses are also acceptable. Essentially, if it looks like a pair of boxy monolens glasses tinted black or have mirror tint on them, you’re golden. And fortunately for you, they more often than not are within a decent price range, between ten and twenty third-order simulacra units. I tried to find a oversized version of the previously mentioned visor sunglasses (something like these, but with a mirror finish) in an effort to find another monolens style, but it doesn’t seem quite like they’ve caught on with the mass market as of yet.

However, if you want to accomplish a more discreet, natural look, there’s always a pair of the classic Aviators. The style has become so popularized in recent years that you can go to as close as your nearest Dollar General and buy a pair for six bucks. There’s so much variety out there that you can practically get any tint you feel best suits your style for a decent price. But of course, if blending in is a higher priority, you can always stick with the standard mirror finish.

But as a nice bridge between standing out and being inconspicuous in a feeble attempt to quell your paranoia, I give you the John Lennon-style mirrored sunglasses. For some reason these keep cropping up, from Battle Angel Alita to Tetsuo II: Body Hammer. While it seems to be a more common style in Japanese cyberpunk (a plus, of course), they also seem to appear quite a bit in westerns (bonus points if it’s a sci-fi western). Between the two histories, it’s a somewhat international, timeless look.

The unfortunate bit is these tend to run a little bit higher. But honestly, the ones I got are probably my favorite out of the shades I purchased on my little consumerist bingeing spree. Not that I’ll have any use of them at this time of year, when the sun goes down at 1PM in my region.

Oh also if you want to get ones like Morpheus those exist too. Not sure how well they work though.

Ultimately, the choice is, of course, yours on how you want to express yourself with cyberpunk style. Wear 3-D movie glasses, wear shades that look like they’ve been made by a replicator on LSD, make your own, don’t wear sunglasses at all, whatever you think suits you best. But if any of these styles catches your scope, go, buy some now! Add to the madness of society’s yearly consumer ritual that consumes an entire month and actually delivers little peace and joy to the mediocre! Let’s see if we can get that swirling cloud of pollution above Beijing to break free and consume the rest of the planet! Happy Holidays!