Texas Rangers Mid-season Report

Jurassic Ballpark

Who are the meat-eaters and who are stuck munching leaves? Our field guide has the answers

Once they ruled the planet. Or at least, everything but St. Louis.

And then came a deep freeze. Temperatures fell to nearly 30 degrees below .500, and those magnificent, terrifying creatures were wiped out.

Earlier this year, though, a team of executives and a new lead scientist named Dr. Jeff Banister, armed with algorithms and analytics aplenty, plotted to find a way to bring the mighty T. Rangersauruses back to life and to show them off at a park we call: Rangers World.

The first few months of this experiment have been uneven and unpredictable. One moment they look so fierce, the entire Western part of the American League trembles in fear. The next: Early extinction seems almost a certainty.

What will it be?

Will the Rangers stomp back into the mix, destroy the evil Morenodon and battle with Astrodactyl for dominance? Or are they headed for another great die-off and the rebuilding of Rangers World once again?

Allow me to serve as your guide as we tour the mysterious, magical place we call Rangers World, showing how each of the park’s attractions has performed during the three months since the act reopened. So grab your Gyrosphere and your popcorn and keep your hands inside the vehicle at all time. And remember, whatever you do: Don’t feed the animals (or the tour guide).