Out: Hey, guess what? I’m transsexual! Surprise!

About: Male to Female. This has the disadvantage of not being Female to Male, in that I can’t start this by saying “I have some things to get off my chest” and call myself witty. I have chest hair beginning to sprout, though that’s not quite as funny, because boobs.

Oh, and I’m 16. I’ll be 17 in June. Don’t hold it against me. My gender therapist said that had I been 36, her internal dialogue would have described a comment I had made as brilliant rather than clever. Yes, she only works with 14-to-24-year-olds, but I have a penchant for agreeing with her bias.

I am a writer and hopefully I will be able to make a living off of doing what I like some day. If I had to describe myself in three words, I would say “pithy snollygoster.”

About Coming Out: The first person I came out to was myself. I think this is true for most people, although I could be wrong.

After that I came out to Robin, then my mom, and then Mark, my other best friend. I imagine most people come out to close friends and family before they come out to acquaintances and strangers, though I can’t say for sure. I personally came out to some acquaintances at school before I did to my father. This order was because I knew he would take it badly. He did.

But! enough of that. That post is for another time.

I think that I have hit my stride when it comes to coming out. I think.

The most interesting ways in which I have come out thus far are:

At Reading Olympics, where as an introduction we stated our name and something weird about ourselves.

In the lunch line, when I yelled it to my friend Josh after asked why I was looking like I was depressed. The lunch lady in that specific line now gives me mildly nasty looks. Regardless, they’re better than the nasty looking food.

To a Sophomore who tags along with my group of friends at lunch: “Do you know what the worst part of the cisgender heteronormativity is? It’s phallocentric.” His response: “I’m not good at math.” Mine to his: “I’m trans*. Surprise!”

In math class, when I stood up and made a three sentence speech: “Hey, I’m trans*. I just think you should know so that you can brace yourselves for when I start dressing differently. Okay, I’m going to faint now.” I got some paltry applause for that one; not the best speech I’ve ever given. Especially considering that one sentence was a lie, because I didn’t even faint—just got a little dizzy and had to sit down.

A friend of mine, Donna, said that I’m much better than her at coming out. I don’t really think this is true or possible. To start, you can’t come out smoothly. I’ve hit my stride, sure, but that just means I can cope with the mess. The dudoir (a dude’s boudoir/my term for The Closet) has a pretty squeaky, stubborn door. I only came out so that people would know ahead of time for when I start wearing bras to school. It’s possible that I can come out well because I’m not really coming out for my sake; I could have let the few girl’s clothes I have now do the talking but I’d rather come out with my own words. So far I’d say it’s gone pretty well.

I do have a few tips for coming out though that I think are pretty universal:

The more somber you are about it, the more people are likely to believe you. I’ve kept my smile up for most of my comings out, and you’d be surprised how confused it makes some people. I’ve had to come out to some people twice, actually. You can take this either way. Whether somber or smiling works better for you, this qualification is important to know.

If you get some audience participation, people will be more open about asking follow-up questions. My routine goes like this now: “Hey, guess what?” “What?” “I’m transsexual! Surprise!” “I don’t care about your sexuality; I accept you as who you are.” “Thank you, but it’s actually about gender identity! Transsexual is a stupid fucking word!” And then I get a detention because I was talking to a teacher. Again, you can take this either way. Whether you’d prefer to be asked questions immediately or see how long you can delay them is up to you.

The last tip: only come out when you think you’re ready to. If you’re gay or bi, you only have to come out when you decide to become “sexually active”. Or also just when you decide you’d like people to know. And if you’re trans* like me, you can practically wait until you have to buy (or sell) a skirt.

And if you’re a heterosexual cisgender person, then congratulations! People will assume this anyways, so you don’t actually need to come out. Of course, if you want to, you’re the only one who’s going to tell you that you shouldn’t.