STAMFORD, CT—Reminding himself that everything will be okay if he simply pushes through his sense of impending doom, local man Alex Clemson took the last steps necessary Tuesday to overcome his long-standing fear of public urination during a visit to Fort Stamford Park. “In the past, I always froze up at crucial moments, especially if I happened to make eye contact with someone, but this time, I concentrated on my breathing and the whole rest of the world just faded away and boom—it’s just me and the stream,” said Clemson, adding that he found himself shivering a bit at first, but immediately realized that was merely a natural part of the process. “Since childhood, I’ve had trouble with this, even—maybe especially—in front of my friends. But from now on, I think I’ll be able to just go right into it. Once I started, it really didn’t matter if there was a large group of people watching.” Clemson admitted to reporters that enjoying a couple drinks beforehand made him much more comfortable with public urination.

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