It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s check out some new releases!

Twice – Happy Happy

It’s just facts that in 2019 Twice is better than most things.

Twice – Breakthrough

Their other song isn’t quite up there though, despite them certainly looking the part.

U-Know – Follow

Great beat, boring melodies. Pretty standard k-pop boy stuff, even though Yunho’s hardly a boy these days.

Ong Seong Wu – Heart Sign

It’s that sound we all hate, back again.

Ateez – Wave

And again. This just sounds like KARD. Because everything in this bullshit style sounds like KARD.

Ateez – Illusion

Actually maybe Ateez should stick to the tropical bullshit sound if this is the alternative.

IZ*ONE – Buenos Aires

There’s a good song in here somewhere but nobody can hear it because of all the singing. Which doesn’t sound like it makes sense until you hear the song, and then it does.

Giriboy ft. Kid Milli, Lil Tachi, Kim Seungmin, NO:EL, C Jamm – I’m Sick

That’s a lot of people to make some bullshit slow rap track that sounds exactly like everything else these days. Surely they could have put their heads together and come up with something better than this.

Noir – Doom Doom

It’s actually alright and really just needed a bit less trap bullshit. It’s still better than your favourite boy group, probably.

Lay – Honey

Oh fuck. I was going to blame his departure from SM for this but then I realised he’s still in SM. So there’s no excuse.

Somi – Birthday

Yeah all the bright colours can’t hide that the song is dull. That is, until the chorus comes in and it transforms from “dull” to “lol what is this shit”.

KittiB – Anymore

I thought she was a rapper not a boring R&B artist. But then in Korea is there ever really much difference between those.

Kid Milli ft. Loopy – App

Can someone write an app that can make this song not suck.

Dickpunks – Bicycle Man

The problem with funk-rock is the same problem with used acrylic clothing – you can’t recycle it because it stinks, but you can’t throw it in the trash either because it pollutes the oceans.

Whiteday – Shine On Light

Usually these Z-tier nugus are either amazing or total rubbish, but either way they’re usually at least interesting, so it’s with great disappointment that I bring you the news that this group is just kind of average.

Solbi – Violet

This song takes a fucking year to get going but turns out alright in the end, however you’re probably not going to listen to it twice, just like you’re not going to hang that shitty modern art piece up on your wall.

Nu’est – Blessing

Look at them pretend to be all buddy-buddy. They’ve been living together for like 10 years and probably all want to kill each other in reality. Anyway the best bits are then the talking happens and you can’t hear the song.

Urban Zakapa ft. Beenzino – Seoul Night

Hahahaha Urban Zakapa are always crap. Apologies to their fans, both of you will get over it.

Narae Lee – Spiderman

Song isn’t very good but plush spider is kinda cool.

Wax – As Cold As Winter

Remember when this band had an actual rock song back in 2006 or whenever and it kinda sucked but it was still way better than what they’re doing now?

Yoona – Promise

Quick, look away from the screen – it’s the medusa of boredom. With each passing second you can feel your bones turn into the world’s most uninteresting rock.

Yonko – I’m OK

Somehow I doubt it. Your name is Yonko, for a start. You could probably use some help with that alone, don’t even get me started on the song.

Dew Sisters – Pongchak

It’s okay but not enough oomph. This needed some electric guitar solos or something.

Tae Jin Ah – Like You Honey

Okay and maybe this is a little too much in the other direction. There’s a happy medium somewhere.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK

Sorn reacting to CLC’s “Me”

Sorn thinks your “reaction video” is a fucking bag of ass-licking shit and so do I. You can tell that she has watched a lot of this fucking idiocy and thinks that your crappy reaction video is completely ridiculous, she can convincingly mimic the neanderthal musings of reactioners right down the the faux-masochism and using the word “aesthetic” in a context that makes no fucking sense. Of course she has to do a whole lot of “I don’t mean it in a bad way, really guys” explaining before and after the parody just so she can get away with it, but deep down she’s knows what’s up.

That’s all for this post! More Kpopalypse roundup next week! And remember that you’ve only got a little while left to vote in the Kpopalypse Objectification Survey! If your bias didn’t get in because YOU didn’t spread the survey around to your favourite k-pop online community, then it’s YOUR fault. So do it if you haven’t! Link is HERE!