One of my primary criticisms of Tiger Beat On The Potomac has been that the entire enterprise has been dedicated totally to gossip, triviality, and Drudge-baiting to the exclusion of what's actually going on in the country to the people these politics are supposed to serve. Alas, today, the two presiding intellects of the publication put their watery heads together to discuss "bold" policy choices. I hereby take back everything I wrote in the former vein. If this istheir idea of discussing policy, I wish to the god that gave me breath that they'd go back to who's zooming whom at some lobbying shop.

In short, Messrs. VandeHei and Allen have decided that the way to a "rocket-propelled" economy is to cut corporate tax rates to almost nothing, close a bunch of loopholes that will reopen under new rubric in approximately 11 seconds, and essentially do away with the American middle class, or at least impoverish its dwindling membership to the point at which nobody can afford to buy anything anyway.

The current tax-and-spending debate only flirts with what these insiders say needs to be done. Instead, top White House and congressional leaders talk privately of the need for tax reform that goes way beyond individuals and rates; much deeper Social Security and Medicare changes than currently envisioned; quick movement on trade agreements, including a proposed one with Europe; an energy policy that exploits the oil and gas boom; and allowing foreign-born students with science expertise to stay here and start businesses.

And to whom do these two brainiacs turn to for these bold policy ideas?

This is the clear takeaway from conversations we have had over the past three months with top lawmakers, officials, their senior aides and the CEOs who advise and lobby all of them. Many of the conversations were private but many were not.

Of course, it's your "clear takeaway," you twits. You might as well troll meth labs to learn table manners. Ask dogs for recreational tips and they'll tell you to lick your balls. Ask monkeys about hobbies, and they'll teach you to fling poo. Ask the plutocrats, and the politicians who serve them, and the aides who serve them about what we should do about the economy, and the answer is always going to be "make sure we stay rich."

The country's most influential CEOs, who have been meeting with Obama and congressional leaders on these very topics, are telling them if they do some or all of this, investment, market growth and jobs will quickly follow.

Because, of course, that was what happened between 2000 and 2008, when the country's "most influential CEOs" were helping rob the Treasury blind. I think Maggie Gyllenhaal in Secretary beat Mike Allen to his present career by a few years, and I think Kate Hudson played the VandeHei role better in Almost Famous.

Bank of America CEO Brian Moynihan said long-term commitments to measures such as tax reform and trade would provide a "certainty premium" that would help bring corporate cash off the sidelines. "If we can just allow people to keep their confidence up by getting some of these issues off the table," he said, "you would see the economy grow and momentum continue to build, and unemployment continue to ease down, and housing starts [go] up and housing prices [go] up. All that will continue to build on itself."

Oh, no. Stop it. You're killing me. Brian Moynihan? The modern poster child for Deposition Alzheimer's? Put a Bible under his hand and Moynihan won't remember his own name, but put a couple of credulous fools in front of him and he's suddenly got all the answers. This could only get funnier if these guys were to quote, oh, Jamie Dimon.

No, wait...

Jamie Dimon, chairman and CEO of JPMorgan Chase, is pushing immigration and tax reform. "America is poised to grow faster if we have good policy," he said. "[Businesses] have capacity, they have liquidity, they're well capitalized. Housing has turned. The table is being set pretty well. If we add good policy to that, it can lift off."

Translation from the original weaselspeak: give us another few months, and we'll be able to steal...ah...accidentally misplace another $2 billion.

The longer this goes on, the more depressed I get. Clearly, a deal on the economy is being cut with the minimal amount of input from the people on whom the weight of the deal will fall most heavily. Sacrifice is being parceled out by people who will feel none of it. And elite journalism is presenting this iniquitous arrangement from the point of view of the grifters and thieves who will profit most from it. This piece is not about the current economic stalemate. It's about two Beltway foofs showing the red on their asses by demonstrating that they can get important people on the phone. This isn't economics. This isn't even really journalism. This is a brief in support of oligarchy. It is public financial star-fking.

Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io