As a professional working with children, you may have to deal with difficult parents and it can be especially challenging if you notice there is something unusual about a child's development. It can lead to awkward conversations but it is indeed your duty and responsibility to discuss issues with the child's parents.

Children, at a very young age, develop very quickly. And if a child has a special need or disability that affects their development, the “wait and see” approach is clearly not the best route to take. The earlier a child can get professional help the better because they will see a tremendous improvement in their quality of life, learning and their later development.

But telling difficult parents that their child is struggling can be a struggle in itself. So in this post, we share some tips that would help make your conversation with the child's parents a little more easier.

Choose a Suitable Time and Place to Talk

Sharing your concerns about a child's development with a parent is no light matter. And it shouldn't be done over the phone. Find a quiet location to speak to the child's parents, the last thing you want is to be disturbed by an unwanted distraction. If you are responsible for the child during this time, ask another qualified adult to look after the child.

Ensure you have ample time to talk. These types of discussions should never be rushed. When you want to arrange a time, you can say something like, “I regularly arrange chats with parents just to get to know them better and talk about how their child is adjusting to child care. I'd like to schedule a chat with you. Can you drop by later on this week?”.

Brace Yourself For Strong Emotions

Parents care about their children deeply, but sometimes, when they are aware of the problem, they don't want to talk about it, often because they are afraid. In other cases, some parents may not be aware of the typical stages of a child's development and also may not be aware that their child's behaviour is not typical at their age.

When you relay the news, parents might get defensive because they fear they might not get care for their child, but you know that is certainly not the case so reassure them about this. Whatever the reaction, always remain calm, caring, respectful and supportive.

Begin With Something Positive

Whenever you're starting a conversation with difficult parents about their child, always start with something positive. You can say something like, “Sara really likes drawings, some of her drawings are really good. Do you spend a lot of time with her on this?”

Starting with something positive really reassures the child's parent that they are good parents. Parents do tend to blame themselves if anything happens to their child, but if it is something to do with their child's natural development, then it isn't.

Ask Parents If They Believe If They Have Any Concerns

Respectfully and considerately ask the parent if they have any questions or concerns about how their child seems to be developing. Asking who, what, when, where and how type of questions will help you gather more information and will help to give the conversation a focus. You can ask something along the lines of “I was wondering if you have any concerns about George being able to understand what you say?” You can add to this by saying “Do you know how long this has been happening? When does it happen?”

It is important that you remain respectful while not coming across as intrusive. Remember, you're having this conversation because you're concerned about the well-being of the child you look after, and you're also doing it for the sake of the child's parents.

Don't Use Labels

Rather than saying, “I think Chris might be partially deaf”, share examples and describe what you have seen. You can say, “the other day, when we had a thunderstorm, the rumbling sound of the lightning gave the other children quite a scare, but Chris didn't flinch. And yesterday, I repeatedly asked Chris to the lunch table, but he didn't seem to hear me”.

Remember, you're not presenting yourself as an expert; you're only raising your concerns. Difficult parents simply care about their children and they can become extremely defensive.

Stress the Importance of the Issue

When you break the news to parents, give them a few days to understand what you have shared. No doubt they will be confused, scared or even be in denial. If they don't seem able to take action, give them reassurance of your support. Politely and gently remind the parents that if there is a problem, things could get worse if they don't seek out the relevant support in time.

Offer Information and Support

Provides parents with what next steps they will have to take to get an evaluation or support for their child. The first port of call is usually the child's doctor. Your school or nursery will have information on the local services which are available. Ensure you have contact information and website details to hand if needed. Some parents will not have access to the internet, so make sure you print off the information directly from the web.