In a release received Monday from Lime Rock Park, the track has announced plans to host a Formula One event. The release is as follows:

In a surprise announcement, F1 major domo Bernie Ecclestone told reporters that he's made a deal with Lime Rock Park owner Skip Barber to bring the F1 circus to Connecticut's 1.5-mile, nine-turn road course, starting in 2017. A date has not been set, and the FIA World Council must still approve the expanded schedule, “But that's simply a formality,” Ecclestone said.

“I met Skip in Monaco back in the mid-70s, when I was running Brabham and Max [Mosely] was trying to stick Skip into that crap-can March,” Ecclestone said. “When I heard from one of my many minions that America's New England region didn't have an F1 race, well, I was shocked. So I rang up Skip.”

Ecclestone, who had gathered 241 racing reporters around his feet inside his quaint $650 million cabin in Askwith, Worchestershire-on-Gloucestershire-no-thanks-to-Shropshire, England, also revealed that Formula One Management will not charge Lime Rock Park the normal one-year rights fee of $21 billion. “Instead, Skip's going to buy me dinner at Mizza's Pizza -- and he has to change the oil in one of my Range Rovers,” Ecclestone said.

On the other side of the Atlantic, Barber said, “As much as I would like an F1 race at Lime Rock, my handshake agreement with Bernie does not include an oil change. We're still negotiating. I think rotating the Hankooks on his Wolseley 16/60 is sufficient, really.”

Because of this groundbreakingly different business case, Barber said he will set ticket prices accordingly.

“I'm thinking $12.50, plus the 10 percent Connecticut Amusement-Admission Tax, for a three-day pass,” Barber said.

Ecclestone was quoted further as saying, “I am also very excited to bring my 75-meter motorhome, Helga's Revenge, to the infamous Lime Rock infield camping area for the Formula One race. I personally love the painfully passé 'No Fear' bumper stickers you see on the campers. I mean, literally, they're stuck to their arses. As well, the plush pigs along the camping area's roadsides really do make me feel at home. Well, at least one or two of them.”

Editor's note: If you haven't figured it out yet, this is obviously an April Fool's Day joke. Kudos to the folks over at Lime Rock. Good one, guys.

According to Lime Rock Park, Bernie Ecclestone and Skip Barber met secretly at the race track in 2012. The proof is this very legitimate-looking photo...

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