BLOG: Kuroky: Brave New World

Written by KuroKy

Patrik “Raistlin” Hellstrand Hi. I'm no longer involved in GosuGamers. Follow me on @phellstrand on Instagram and Twitter, or drop me an email on [email protected]

The day came, my my long-time teammate and friend decided to part ways.Just now I realized who I am in this gaming scene, what I am doing and alot of regrets came up. In all this time, I relied on him - much more than I should.I lost myself in this mess, became much less active, didn't show the eager I had some years ago, I didn't show who I am anymore.It all started nearly 3 years ago, in November 2008. After finishing 3rd at Dreamhack, Puppey, who I barely knew, showed me who he was to me.Once we were home after our trip, we talked about our future as team. That time, I honestly didn't expect we would stick together for such a long time, I mean he just joined mouz as a standin. But our ideals about reaching goals were so similar, I was overwhelmed. We were figuring out how to continue, the way we should deal in this DotA scene. Our way of thinking was alike, we just thought one thing: let's build the best ganking team in history. It was the start of Ks.int, with Puppey taking over the leadership, so we can realize our ideas and show everybody what we were capable of.When this team was created, alot of negative feedback was given by the public."Just another Starteam", "a star-studded team will never work", etc., etc.But our mindset was much stronger, it was so strong that we created a way to not only show the public, no, we wanted to SHOW them that we can win with true style, we created the KS.INT which we idealizedThe first LAN was coming, DotA-League Masters 2009, it was a tournament with the best teams Europe had to offer that time. If you went through the forums, you didn't see Ks.int anywhere the top 3.I gotta be honest, Puppey and I had a special mindset about this LAN. That time, one of our players, vigoss, couldn't fix his visa in time and we had to go with a player we didn't play a single game with - joliE.But Puppey and I didn't think about this. No, we told each other - let's win this LAN 2vs5 if it's needed to, if we combine our strengh, we can do it.This LAN was our first real test, and we succeeded tremendously. I don't know whether it was because of our way of thinking, but everybody in Ks.Int played spectacular. But I still felt that strong bond between him and me in this game, and we were overwhelmed with satisfaction.From that moment we decided to play together no matter what, and till today I can't regret this decision. We had our ups and downs, but in the end, we achieved enough to be proud of.Of course, there could have been alot more to achieve, but still, it's alot more than I expected.Puppey had my full trust in his leadership and I'm sure he appreciated that.Over the time, I became a very lazy person in this gaming scene. I can say for 2 years now, that I played up to 5-10 max. in a week. There were times where I didn't play at all but the official games. People noticed my sloppyness, I made mistakes in my game which should never happen, but somehow we still won alot of tournaments, I don't know how. But we did it.When Ks.int decided to disband, I decided to join MYM. I felt I needed a new surrounding to get my motivation back. And it worked. We were dominating the scene, nothing could stand on our way - till SMM 2009.In that event, I noticed that I still need to work on me much more. I wasn't capable of leading the team enough, no, I'm definitely not the guy who can lead a steadfast team like MYM, they need a leader like Maelk to shine and bloom.As I felt that my place is wrong, I decided to part ways with them and join with Puppey again.Playing in Nirvana.int was a great experience overall, the individual skill of each player was astonishing. Due to the time zones and several other duties, we didn't train much. It was the same like in Ks.int. We showed up in our official games, played maybe 3-4 games together in a week. But we still won some tournaments, who would have thought that.When we created NWO, we shared the same goal, we showed full commitment towards our first test - the Razer Global Challenge.That time, we were so motivated to reach our goal. When we beat LGD in the semi-finals, we felt what we are capable of. We suffered a 3-1 loss against NV.CN, but we were satisfied with our result.Again, Puppey and I gave everything to reach our goal.To talk abit about the pro-scene in DotA, it's really hard to get a good training routine. It's so hard to get 10 players who can train together. Alot of factors like lag, disconnects etc. interfere and kill the gaming spirit. That's why most top-teams barely scrim, it's simply tiring.Yes, you can find some team that wants to play, but in the end it will lead into a stomp.Anyway, I'm telling you this show you how Puppey and I trained. All we did is talk everyday about our life, DotA, whatever. It strenghten our friendship, it made us able to show true teamwork. It was key to success - building a strong friendship between us. As the scene developed, it got harder and harder to compete. The scene showed that you need 5 to act as 1, not 2.Puppey and myself asked ourselves often: how do we find 5 active, motivated, excellent players? Of course, players like DeMoN, Miracle etc. are brilliant players, but it still wasn't enough.I knew that Puppey wasn't satisfied with the teams result, eventhough we won 2 out of 3 online competitions, and reached 2nd on the other. I know him well enough, he wants perfection. Our play was lacking, sometimes we barely won games we should have won much smoother.When Na'Vi contacted him, he asked me about this situation. In that moment, I felt like a burden to him. I asked myself: What should I do? Should I tell him to stay in this team for my sake, even though he is unhappy? No, I can't be that egoistic. I know that he would have stayed If I called it.But I couldn't do that. It would be wrong. He got an offer which might lead him to the success we always wished for but never achieved. I can't kill his dreams.It was a natural move of him, and I showed him all support I could to leave GGnet and join Na'Vi. I hope he will find what he seeks.He asked me to continue playing. If I would have said that I would go inactive, he would probably stay in GGnet. So at first, I lied to him and told him I will keep playing, but my true intention was to disappear from the scene.I thought this team will break apart, our leader and friend is gone. The guy who build this team shall destroy it. He was the pillar which hold us together.As I logged into IRC to say good bye to my teammates, to abandon my pro-gaming wishes, to destroy my dreams, I got messaged by my teammates. AZEN was the first to tell me that he wants to stay and keep playing, I didn't expect it. Not at all. He told me he wants me to lead the team. In that moment I thought: me? leader... again? Can I really do it?....Then Kebap messaged me, our standin in the recent games, he told me the same. He told me to lead the team. Both players ensured me their full trust, they showed me what friendship is in that moment - not just online DotA teammates.Then I continued to talk to Pajkatt, he confirmed the same things.On the next day, I contacted Miracle to ask him about his thoughts. At first he shared doubts about our future, but then he decided to give it all.From that moment I knew, I can't leave this. I.. I always told myself:Never lose your goal. NEVER. Why should I lose it now? My goal to be the best player in the world, my goal to play in the best team in the world.Now that I shall be in charge in the team, I have full control to lead this team to success. With great power comes great responsibility.These people showed me their trust and now I know. I need to do everything in my power to not disappoint them, I can't just surrender like this.Ideals alone can't change the world. I need to take actions.Maybe this team will fail. But only failures makes you learn.Maybe we won't achieve anything. But we will keep trying till we reach our aim.Maybe we stumble seven times. We shall recover eight times.In the end, after the rain, earth hardens.Man wishes to believe his victory to be inevitable, but hope is useless when one's fate has already been decided.But... can passion overcome fate?This team will show you that passion is stronger than everything else. And if it's not that team that will show, then I will. I will never abandon my dreams again.I will never have regretful thoughts about my future again.I shall never lose my goal for even one second.When I joined mousesports, I showed you a little K who dreamed.Now I will fulfill this dream.Now that I'm in charge of this team, I will take full responsibility. Every failure is to be adressed to me. But my teammates shall follow me into hell, from there, we will rise to heaven.Thank you Puppey for everything, I had a great time with you. I know I didn't show you enough, and I'm sorry from my heart. I promise, if our ways cross again, maybe one day... I won't take you for granted.But you are nothing but my enemy now. From this point, everything standing in my way will get eliminated.A Brave New World... arise. ~~~~~~ NEW WORLD ORDER IN OUR HEARTS;GGNET FIGHTING~