FAIRFAX, VA—Reminding them to appreciate the lifetime of memories they will never forget, the National Rifle Association announced Monday that Parkland students should be grateful to guns for giving them such an unforgettable bonding experience. “These protesting students should be thankful to guns for an exciting adventure where they’ve made lots of great new friends,” said NRA President Wayne LaPierre, who explained that firearms provided the Parkland students with a community of like-minded people who they could hang out with, as well as plenty of fresh air and exercise they might not have gotten otherwise. “You’ve met all kinds of exciting new chums, you’ve gone on a trip to Washington, D.C., and you have an amazing story you can tell your grandkids, all because of guns. You should count yourself lucky that guns brought you together with classmates you might never have talked to before, because students in countries with more strict gun laws will never experience that kind of deep connection.” LaPierre added that the students could show a little respect and gratitude for what happened by donating to their local chapter of the NRA.

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