In light of today’s massive bailout of our country’s crumbling financial system, it might behoove us to take a moment to look on the bright side. In that spirit, please take heart in this list of things that have not gone wrong under the leadership of George W. Bush.

There hasn’t been a plague of truly Biblical proportions such as blood, frogs, locusts, incurable boils, etc. (unless one counts the Jonas Brothers).

Most of the Baldwin brothers are no longer actively involved in making motion pictures.

America is not under A solid majority of major American cities are not underwater.

An enterprising young man can still make his fortune — selling defective equipment to the US military.

You can still get a decent cup of coffee for under $4.00.

The dead have not returned to life to feast on the flesh of the living (Note to self: double check on this!!)

US inflation rate is still lower than Zimbabwe’s.

California has not literally “fallen into the ocean” (though it has burnt to a crisp a few times).

Vampirism is on the decline.

The Starland Vocal Band has not released a new studio album since 1980’s Christmas at Home. (Note: This accomplishment is mitigated by the tragic 2007 release of Captain & Tennille’s album The Secret of Christmas.)

A post-apocalyptic Road Warrior culture is not yet entirely dominant on America’s rural highways.

Our country’s human rights record is still the envy of China, Colombia, Sri Lanka, and Syria.

Americans are no longer employed overworked.

America’s energy trading, financial services, forestry and mining industries are no longer bound up by onerous, outdated regulations and reams of government red tape.

Godzilla has been dormant since 1998.

Canada is still our Special Little Buddy to the North. Thanks, Canada!