Move over, firefighters! Jersey City has a brave new hero: Mira Stanley, who recently survived nearly a week of construction that was kind of close to her apartment.

Construction workers arrived in early January, and stayed for what Stanley remembers as months. (City officials confirmed that the construction timeline was closer to four days).

The work was meant to repair a couple of potholes and sidewalk irregularities that posed a hazard to drivers, cyclists, and wheelchair users.

“I can’t believe the government would do this to my community,” sobbed a traumatized Stanley.

The many inconveniences Stanley coped with included noise at the crack of dawn (9AM) and slightly reduced parking, not to mention the weighty question of whether to say “hi” to the construction workers as she walked by them.

Not all heroes wear capes; some wear AirPods to avoid speaking to construction workers.

Stanley endured these hurdles bravely, though she had to make some life adjustments. She had to park up to one block away, and when anyone came to visit her she had to explain the whole situation to them.

And while the amount of construction noise on a Saturday recently made her consider leaving her house, she endured the shouts, the drilling, and the “Good work today, Mike”s and stayed in bed watching Gossip Girl all day.

The construction ended a few days ago, but Stanley maintains that she will never be the same. “I think what I will remember most were the cones. So many cones.”

Those readers who are wondering if Stanley has been taking care of herself after this harrowing ordeal shouldn’t worry. She’s been sticking to an elaborate self-care ritual involving weekly manicures, long bubble baths, and also fucking one of the hotter construction workers.

“It’s events like this that remind you to be gentle with yourself because life can change in the blink of an eye,” said Stanley, who in many ways is New Jersey’s Malala.

And it’s a good thing she’s been able to tough this one out. Next week, Stanley will be confronted with one of the most trying events a human being can face: Her roommate’s mother will be staying on the living room couch.