What Is My Ex Thinking And Feeling In No Contact?

Dumpees always want to know what their exes are thinking after they have had no choice but to go no contact.

They want to know whether their ex is thinking about them, misses them, secretly wants to talk to them, forgot about them or anything related to them at all.

In this article, I will share my observations, as well as my personal experiences with you.

I hope it helps you with your situation.

Relief stage

Right after the breakup, your ex feels extreme relief. It’s the first of the 5 stages of a breakup. In this stage, your ex wants absolutely nothing to do with you.

He or she is the happiest when you are not on his or her mind. People asking your ex questions, such as “how is your ex and have you spoken to her recently”, are extremely off-putting to him.

During this phase of great relief, your ex doesn’t want any reminders of you.

He or she will delete pictures of you off his Facebook, put gifts and photo albums in the bottom drawer (if not in the bin), and avoid anything that reminds him of you, such as people, locations, hobbies, etc.

Because your ex feels remarkably relieved after the breakup, he will do anything to avoid you like the plague.

This is an act of self-defense. In this way, he doesn’t have to deal with constant reminders of you wherever he goes or whomever he speaks to.

He doesn’t want any of that. Instead, he will often make new friends and create a new environment for him to feel safe in.

Your ex is choosing to stay in the comfort zone, where he doesn’t feel threatened and forced to be reminded of you.

Since thinking about you creates powerful emotions of repulsion, it’s both best for the dumper and the dumpee not to incite any of that.

As I often say, it’s best that your ex forgets about you for a while so that he doesn’t attach too many negative attributes to your post-breakup persona.

Your ex will do anything and everything in his power to avoid thinking and talking about you.

Because exes feel the need to leave their old life behind, it’s not uncommon for dumpers to do things we aren’t used to them doing.

Things, such as drinking and partying, hanging out with untrustworthy people, and anything out of character are very common.

Your ex isn’t just thinking “I have to do something new so I’m not reminded of my ex.” Your ex is actually feeling the need to shake things up and forget about you completely.

The easiest way to forget someone is to get busy with new and interesting activities. This works both for you and your ex.

Loss of identity

When your ex broke up with you, his identity broke as well. On the inside, he is still the same person as he were prior to the breakup.. One does not change 100% and do a 180° turn with the act of splitting from his partner alone. Far from that.

By breaking up with you, your ex lost the identity he had developed throughout the relationship. Now that he is single, he no longer knows who he is, so he goes out and does crazy things you would never agree and approve of.

You are probably thinking this is not the person you fell in love with. If that’s what you’re pondering , you’re definitely right. This person doesn’t seem like your boyfriend or girlfriend.

He or she resembles a descendant of hell itself – somebody completely unknown to you.

As I mentioned before, the devil your ex is portraying as at the moment is the person he was before you got in a relationship with him.

“Hold on a minute. My ex was a nice, loving and caring boyfriend/girlfriend, and would never hurt me.”

Unless you’re telling me your ex magically went from being a saint to a devil, changed the whole personality and characteristics in a couple of days, we have a lot to talk about.

See, your ex loved and cared for you at that time. He was on his best behavior, wanted to impress you and faithfully be the person you deserve to be with.

“So why isn’t he being that kind-hearted person now?” That’s pretty simple. If you consider his words and actions for a minute, you will discern that he no longer cares. He is treating you like a stranger – a person with no value to him.

That’s the reason why he has no respect for you. Your ex is thinking he no longer needs you and treats you exactly how he would treat any other stranger that he doesn’t care about. He is cold, apathetic, rude and insensitive.

He is feeling the need to stay away from you even if you haven’t done anything wrong. If you beg your ex to take you back during his relief stage, you could see a real demon come to the surface.

When you want to extort something from your ex by force — which is simply by talking to him, he is going to put up a “barrier of disinterest” so high, anything you say and do is going to come flying right back at you.

Because you are in a more vulnerable state than ever, it’s going to hurt you tenfold. If you allow him, his lack of care is going to damage your self-esteem to the point of severe depression.

You deserve better than this, so don’t let him diminish your value!

If this person you are dealing with cared enough, he wouldn’t want you to suffer. It’s up to you to decide what you want to think about him, but to me, a person who doesn’t care about my health and well-being is as good as dead to me.

What is my ex thinking in no contact during relief stage?

I am so done with the relationship

please leave me alone. I don’t want to talk to you.

she messaged me again. Will she ever take the hint?

she ever take the hint? I don’t like her personality, friends, the way her family treats me, personal hygiene…

our future would be so dark and miserable. I’m glad I broke up with her

I feel so relieved. I can’t believe I waited this long to pull the plug

she was horrible to me all the time. It feels so great to be single again

Elation stage

When your ex stops feeling like the weight’s dropped off her shoulders, she will both rationally and emotionally convince herself that she’s made the right decision. She now feels ecstatic and her life is full of new adventures.

Shaking things up clearly worked for her as she is happier than ever before. She feels content from the attention she is receiving elsewhere, and may even start dating again.

This is the stage where your ex seems like she’s on cloud nine. She will go to great lengths to explain to people how amazing her new life is, and mention all the little details that spice her life up.

No longer does she act in a horrific, condescending manner towards her dumpee, and instead talks more about her ideal life.

She goes from pointing fingers at the dumpee to focusing on her own happiness.

Because she is so content, she continues to post happy, exaggerated selfies on social media to further prove her point.

She won’t stop until the whole world acknowledges her new-found happiness. It’s almost as if this person is on a mission to show everyone how great she is doing.

Some of the things your ex is thinking in the elation stage:

I feel so euphoric as if I won the lottery

I hope my ex sees how well I’m doing

life seems so much better now

I really like the attention I’m receiving from those guys

I wish I would always feel so alive!

NOSTALGIA AND COMPARISONS

After your ex’s rush of happiness runs off, the newness of his new life runs off with it. If he’s made any new friends since the breakup, they no longer feel that much fun.

Suddenly, things have slowed down, and your ex no longer feels euphoric. If he dated another person, it probably didn’t end well. Rebound relationships don’t have a tendency to last as your ex enters one for all the wrong reasons.

If he is with another person, he is now comparing the two of you on a regular basis. He is counting the positives and the negatives, and look for a reason to stay in a relationship.

If your ex is not dating, he is instead making comparisons between you and his single life. It happens all the time – especially when you are following a strict indefinite no contact regimen.

Now that he has the space to see what he’s lost, he can rationally discern your good points. Finally, he sees you for who you truly are and the value you brought to the table.

If you left cool as ice and let him do as he wishes after he’s broken up with you, he is going to reach his conclusion that much easier.

Here’s what he’s thinking in nostalgia and comparisons stage.

My ex was better at preserving money than my new partner

it wasn’t that bad when we actually agreed on things together

I wonder if my ex has found someone else

we had a lot of fun that day when we went to the beach

NEUTRALITY

In this stage, exes’ lives come to a complete halt. Dumpers no longer feel empowered by any post-breakup mistakes, such as begging and pleading.

New activities become less exciting, friends become just people to spend free time with, excessive partying and drinking gets boring, and the reality of what life is like without you starts to seep in.

In the neutrality stage, dumpers start tackling new problems that life is throwing at them.

Whether it’s finances, school, friends, kids, dating, family or anything people ordinarily struggle with.

These issues suddenly feel much bigger than they did when dumpers felt elated. Back then, they could easily sweep all their problems under the rug. In the neutrality stage, the reality catches up to the dumpers.

They have now run out of energy to ignore and avoid their problems and have no choice but to face them.

As long as a person is exuberantly happy, he or she feels as if all problems can be solved by giving them little attention and importance. Once a person returns back to his/her neutral state, that person now lacks the drive, and is forced to solve both past and present issues – sort of like drugs effects wearing off. Zan

I often say that dumpers, just like dumpees, must also forget about their exes for a little while. This happens in the neutral state.

Dumpers are moving on without having their ex dumpees on their thoughts very frequently, and instead, focus on themselves.

They battle life problems on their own or with someone else and tend to forget about their past. It’s all a part of the moving on process. If our minds weren’t able to let go of the past, we’d all be in mental agony from burdens and the stress they cause.

In the neutral state, dumpers tend to think more about themselves and their own lives. Because they finally feel “normal,” life becomes difficult and challenging again.

They start experiencing stress to a higher degree, just like any normal human being. In some cases, stress comes back worse because they’ve been having so much entertainment and joy for the past months.

The idiom “too much of a good thing” definitely applies here. Unfortunately, most nice things eventually come to an end, and so does your ex’s euphoric mood.

When the “drug effect” runs off, he or she will now experience a wide array of old, as well as new challenging predicaments.

SADNESS AND REGRET

The last stage normally befalls once the dumper has completely isolated himself from the dumpee and stopped thinking about him or her.

The best way for your ex dumper to get to this stage is by going no contact and start moving on immediately after the breakup. In this way, you retain your dignity which is the only thing your ex can’t take from you.

When you keep your pride and show him or her that the breakup doesn’t affect you, your ex’s ego is eventually going to take a toll.

His self-esteem is going to plummet when he has been broken up with or couldn’t handle all the goodies life has to offer. This is the real reason why exes come back.

They come back when they are sad and miserable and you’re happy and vigorous. So when he is feeling down, and you remained a person of high value in his eyes, guess who suddenly looks like a crutch, meant for him to lean on for emotional support.

Mind over matter

Sending your ex love letters and calling her 50 times a day is never going to help her reach this state. It’s going to manifest quite the opposite.

Even if you only message her that you’re as happy as a clam and that you wish her all the best, it still empowers her.

The truth is that she’s on your mind, and you’re sitting at home writing letters to someone who isn’t worthy of your love. And what does that do? It prevents her from reaching this final stage.

This is why reaching out to your ex first is wrong in every way imaginable. It doesn’t plant any short or long-term seeds as some suggest. Your ex isn’t waiting for you to convince her that you are doing great.

What you are really waiting for is your ex to tell you she’s not doing well.

When your ex is sad and depressed, he will regret every bad decision he’s ever made. Breaking up with you could be one of them.

In this desperate state, he will do anything to help himself with his anxiety and issues at hand.

When people are depressed they blame themselves and express regret – regret to live a fulfilling life. Zan

Some of the things your ex could be thinking :

I’ll contact my ex and see if she still loves me

I wonder how she remained so strong and independent

she looks so happy on Instagram

she was always there for me when I felt down

Conclusion

What your ex is thinking in no contact is strongly dependent on the emotional state he’s in.

Remember, people are emotional beings, and their actions are therefore controlled by what they are feeling in the present moment.

Thoughts and emotions are parallel to each other and are the deciding factor for your ex’s actions.

Just because he is feeling happy now, doesn’t mean it’s always going to stay that way.

I hope this article has helped you understand what your ex is thinking in no contact. Leave your thoughts in the commens section.