(Are you new here? I’m Bumbler — a horrific failure of a “pickup artist” trying to turn things around and master women within two years. The purpose of this blog is to entertain you. Enjoy.)

Altogether, last night was fairly odd. I ended up in four locations, including three house parties. It was actually a lot more than I expected for NYE. It was a fun and odd night. As far as field reporting is concerned, well… Read on to find out.

Location One: Meetup Party in Hollywood

I knew this place was going to be a bit of a shit show. Pro tip for everyone: ANY type of publicly hosted party, whether that’s through Meetup or Eventbrite or any other public site, is going to be 9/10ths males. Typically lonely IT and engineering grad students desperate for some type of social life.

This was no different. 30 people and 5 girls crammed into some guy’s apartment playing awkward drinking games, including one attractive single female who, unsurprisingly, EVERY schlubby male was talking about.

Not sure how long I was going to hang around, but I ended up connecting to a couple of guys. One an apparent cryptocurrency engineer and another some kind of famous artist (I Googled and confirmed.)

The artist said we should bounce to a much better place, an art commune of his friends’ down the street. So we went.

Location Two: Art Commune

We came to a big steel door with no markers on it. After knocking we waited like 5 minutes and someone let us in. About what you’d expect: a big loft with a piano, a giant upside down crucifex, and post-apocalyptic decoration. Most of the people were extremo-anarchist types. The LGBTQRIARTZXYZ+++ types who probably have Tumblr pages and think they’re fighting the patriarchy and capitalism. Not exactly my crowd

There was one girl (pictured) who was cute. She was wearing a helmet with a fucking tree growing out of it.

She was probably crazy as a bag of cats. But she was the first hot girl available to talk to all night, so I did and we ended up flirting a while. Just when I thought I was getting somewhere with Tree Hat Girl, the team pulled me out of the place. I liked her but I frankly wanted to get out of the place, too.

Location 3: Downtown LA

Everyone from the first party were going downtown to watch the ball drop on some giant projector. Although, it was only 9 PM so I wondered how long we’d be hanging out downtown wasting money.

The party decided to go via party bus. $20 to board a bus and drink with mostly lonely IT guys and two or three girls who may or may not even be available… This didn’t sound good to me. So i went with the cryptocurrency guy and the artist to get there via Metro. We were joined by a fat Chinese kid and this older Japanese guy with a hat.

The cryptocurrency guy ends up having an insane fight with the Japanese guy. Because nothing makes New Years Eve worthwhile like picking a fight with someone for philosophical differences. To be fair, he was angry because the Japanese guy was a professional patent terrorist (he’ll buy $10,000 patents, hold on to them and sue people who come up with similar ideas, while not pushing his own idea forward whatsoever.) This went against everything a cryptocurrency professional believed in, and so they had a great, epic battle on the streets of LA that almost became a physical confrontation. It was funny, but I was over it quickly..

This combined with the artist guy getting RIDICULOUSLY drunk and harassing people who walked by… made me and Fat Asian Kid decide to just bail. The big downtown area was populated by 90% families so it wasn’t a place I could really “game” anyway. So off we went.

Interestingly, we did pass this 10/10 blonde along the way who was with her boyfriend, but thought me and Fat Asian Kid were just the two coolest guys she’d ever seen and wanted to party with us–until the guy who was clearly her man pulled her away. I can’t tell if I should be flattered or feel sorry for the boyfriend.

We tried to get to Angel City Brewery, the one location that didn’t have like a $75 cover to get in. When me and Fat Asian Kid showed up, we discovered a line that would take literally an hour and a half to clear. Hahahaha. We decided that was enough and we parted ways.

I did approach a pair of girls on the street and found Fat Asian Kid to be a perfect wingman. I realize he was the only decent guy from that whole crowd.

Location Four: New House Party

Fortunately, a woman from work sent me an invite to a house party she was going to. I loaded the address on my Uber (Thank god for my ride pass cutting the costs down by 80%).

I walked in and, finally, I was at a REAL house party where the male to female ratio was 50 / 50, the people didn’t seem like douchebags, and the women were all pretty hot.

So Bumbler, Did You Bang Anyone?

No. I flirted with numerous girls. Which to be fair, given I’m a fucking neophyte, aging beta male… that’s better than nothing.

I was a little amazed by the level of difficulty these days. Back in college, a house party at least ensured making out with someone at some point, and a lot of people hooking up.

This group was not hooking up. And every guy was trying.

I ended up just playing a game wondering WHO would actually score. I found myself watching the quintessential Chad Thundercock make his rounds.

I don’t know who this guy was, but he was the stereotypical 6’2 guy with, like, a perfect chiseled jawline, abs, blue eyes–the whole deal. I figured he was going to get the butcher’s pick of meat.

No. Chad cycled through every attractive girl there until I watched him strategize to “settle” for the somewhat overweight blonde who he probably thought would be eager for Thundercock’s thunderous cock. And so, he proceeded to hit on his Plan-B scenario for the next 30 minutes (pictured). Eventually it was like 3 in the morning, people were clearing out, and I realized even Chad Thundercock was going home alone. The overweight blonde, at some point, lost interest.

As far as I could tell, no one hooked up despite a whole house full of attractive dudes and attractive chicks, many of whom were single. I saw one guy score a make out session at midnight, but then that chick wandered off and ignored him after!

This was a serious “WTF” period and a reminder of why I’m leaving Los Angeles to go abroad for a while. Maybe the conspiracy theorists are right and the fluoride in the water is killing women’s libidos, or something.

Final Thoughts

This is my first “field report” and I’m not sure what to say except it was kind of a mess.

I’m more eager now to hit up a decent public venue on a normal night out and just make a lot of approaches. I may even do that tonight, on a Monday night, as I know a couple of Monday night spots that are popular in LA.

But where it’s really at… is abroad. In little time at all, I’ll be in places like Indonesia and the Philippines and the whole game will be quite different.

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