POTSDAM, NY — The Potsdam Village Board of Trustees will hold a public hearing to discuss a proposal by local real estate overlord Barry Mazen to open a new adult entertainment club at the old Northern Music & Video, 29 Market Street.

“It’s a good idea,” said Mayor Ron Tischler. “The nearest nudie joint is at least an hour away in Cornwall, 2 hours to get to the decent ones in Ottawa or Montreal. If you don’t have a passport, you’re looking at a 3 hour drive to Syracuse or a 4 hour drive to Albany to get a lap dance. This proposal will fill a longstanding opening in the regional economy and I look forward to reviewing it.”

Mazen, longtime cash and property leader of the ongoing game of Monopoly being played downtown, says the town needs an easily accessible adult entertainment option.”McDuffs had some poles in their basement, but the new owners removed them. Ever since the colleges liquidated most of the fraternities, there have been no establishments in the immediate area providing these services.”

When asked whether the new establishment will serve alcohol, Mazen demurred. “I serve enough booze in this town to drown both college hockey teams,” he boasted. “My proposal will be a so-called ‘juice bar,’ which removes the significant expenses involved with securing a liquor license. It will also permit me to set the age of entry to 18, which expands the customer base significantly.”

Mazen stated his new establishment will add up to 25 new jobs to the local economy. The hearing is scheduled for February 21 at the Potsdam Civic Center.