The Duggars better watch their backs because there's a new family of breeding-frenzied crazies about to hit the scene. Baby Makes 19 (American Horror Story was already taken), a new special on The Learning Channel, will follow the misadventures of the Bates family—another charming group of evangelicals doing their best to birth an army.


Gil and Kelly Bates are in their mid-forties, already have 19 biological children and have not ruled out the possibility of adding more to their sandy-haired, dead-eyed brood. In an ironic twist, the couple, who do not believe in the use of contraception, use hormone shots to strengthen the sad walls of Kelly's beaten and exhausted uterus. (The uterus declined comment, instead lighting up a cigarette and staring unseeingly out the window.) While comparisons to the Duggars are inevitable, Gil insists that they're all united by the lord's work: "We are all in a race against time [Author's note: and sanity!] to finish whatever work God has for us."

All of the Bates children are home schooled (we wouldn't want any independent thoughts or ideas to infiltrate the kids' minds, would we?) with the older boys assisting Gil in his tree removal business while the girls help with the housework and, presumably, are not allowed to see the sun until their 18th birthday.


Baby Makes 19 will premiere on TLC, March 13th at 10pm (which, funnily enough, is later than any member of the Bates family has stayed up in his or her entire life).