Brendan Cowell is haunted by shadows. His best mate. Friends. Their fathers. All lost to suicide.

"They were friends and then suddenly it was like they were never there," he says of his teenage years growing up in Cronulla. "There was usually two or three a year who died."

Haunted: Brendan Cowell lost his best mate. Credit:Daniel Sponiar

One of his closest friends took his life shortly after speaking at his 21st birthday. Others died after making a suicide pact. He estimates he's known at least 10 people who have died that way.

Death became a normal event, only talked about after it happened.