Juggling Work and a Family and the Challenges it brings

A candid view of the worklife balance by Katrina Buckley

So being a parent is challenging, tell us something we don’t know!.… It’s exhausting, it’s demanding……it’s 24/7 for goodness sake! You don’t know whether you’re coming or going, and there never seems to be time for anything…ever! And then someone mentions ‘work’ and you think ‘seriously….you are joking, aren’t you?”

Well, it isn’t all that bad. Honest. It’s hard, of course it is; there’s no point sugar coating it - it’s tough trying to manage the balance and making sure you meet the needs of your family, but it’s manageable and it’s enjoyable. There is no right or wrong decision; some people choose to put their career on hold to raise their family whilst others, like me, make the decision to return to work. It’s all about personal choice and doing what’s right for you.

For me, well working allowed me to keep my identity; I was more than just A and B’s mum, more than being a wife, I was me again, just plain old me. And it felt great. Now, don’t get me wrong I missed my family, I hated leaving them, and yes I felt so very guilty, but by being ‘me again’ I was able to give more to my family than I could ever have done by staying at home. I had more energy, I was making a conscious effort to spend quality time with them, and I was focused on my time with them, not distracted, which made the time I spent with them so much more valuable.

Now, don’t get me wrong there is no such thing as perfect balance, so don't add pressure to your life by trying to meet an unrealistic goal. I certainly didn’t get it right and learned the hard way. But learn I did, and once I got the balance between work and family it was so much easier and I was so much happier. You have to realise that you can only give so much so make sure you set realistic goals and set boundaries; it’s so easy to get caught up in ‘work’ mode that you forget to go home. And it’s easy to take on too much. Make sure you set a time to leave work and stick to it and make sure you take on a realistically manageable workload. Everybody’s circumstances will be different. I choose to work on a flexible working arrangement over 3 days, and over time, to reduce the amount of responsibility I had. This suited my childcare arrangements and meant that I had 2 days at home with the kids. On the days that I worked, I took a shorter lunch break so that I could leave earlier which gave me that extra time at home to get prepared. Some people may return to work full-time and others may prefer to work a few hours each day, or job share with another. No matter your working pattern setting a routine and having boundaries is incredibly helpful for managing time expectations - make sure you have clearly communicated them with your team/work colleagues and that you’re able to reliably meet your responsibilities. Be disciplined when working from home and if you can leave phone calls, emails, etc until the kids are in bed.

This rule also applies when spending time with your family, so when taking time off to spend with your family make sure you spend it with them ! Switch off from work. If you're sending work emails every 10 minutes, or taking phone calls, your colleagues are going to assume that you're OK with doing work while on holiday/at home. Tell them you'll be checking emails only during a certain part of the day (if that's necessary) and then make yourself stick to it. That way everyone will know what to expect, you, your team, your spouse or partner, and your kids.

Be honest to yourself about what is and is not possible; if you find you have taken on too much step back and think about what needs to change so you can cope. Admitting that we are struggling can feel like we are failing but, in reality asking for help shows strength and resolve. It could be as simple as asking a neighbour or friend to get the kids from school, or there could be that inevitable moment, late night working, a meeting that runs late or travelling on business. Knowing that you have others; child care providers, grandparents, friends and family; who you can turn for help makes life a lot less stressful. So build a support network and always ask for help.

So you’re working and time is more precious now than ever and any thoughts about yourself have been squashed as you’re too busy thinking about and looking after everyone else; you’ve reached the bottom of the priority list. Well, we all need time to recharge our batteries and to manage our energy levels. Take time to relax, lose yourself in a book before bed (my ultimate favourite), take a bubble bath or treat yourself to a night out or spa day. And find time to fit in some exercise; I found that no matter how tired I was exercise kept my energy levels going. Yoga for me was a great way to keep fit and relax at the same time; it gave me the boost to keep going with energy and humour and it kept me focused. Or you could find yourself a hobby. I can’t stress how important it is to make sure you do not neglect yourself.

It’s not always going to be easy, and some days will be better than others. Stay positive and remind yourself of the benefits of being a working parent. Make a list of the benefits and have them visible to act as a constant reminder. There are times when you will feel like throwing in the towel, especially when there’s a virus going round the family or you’ve had a string of sleepless nights or problems with childcare. Outsource errands and shop online, getting your groceries delivered takes away the strain of a family trip to the supermarket, which in our household is usually always met with a groan! Be organised, share the chores, plan meals (cooking with a slow cooker was a life saver for us) and have a schedule; a family organiser is a great way to keep track of everyone’s schedule/movements.

And most importantly take time each day with the kids. This could be at breakfast, dinner, or at bedtime reading stories and chatting about the day. It’s important to share your time apart; to stay connected. Or, if you can, you could stay connected with your children during the day by phoning or skyping or logging on through webcam, a service most nurseries seem to offer these days. And create special family activities, anything from a family breakfast to a family games or cinema night. Or get the kids to make up a list of activities to do with mum/dad/family, keep them in a jar and take turns to choose one. This worked really well for us, it kept the kids interested and excited and gave us something to look forward to as a family.

Being a working parent is all about stamina and remember bad phases will usually pass. Keep focused on the long term and learn to prioritise; ask yourself what really matters, is it spending time with the family or catching up on admin or weeding the garden.