"We're in the middle of Hurricane Sandy and we have no studio audience," Letterman kicked off his monologue, before the storm had been reclassified, "but we do have quite a show for you tonight. Thank you for joining us in the Ed Sullivan Shelter."

He informed the, er, Paul Schaffer that Sandy was being tagged "one of the worst storms in U.S. history," and that experts were expecting 90 mile-per-hour winds and 12 inches of rain. Landfall was expected in Delaware and New Jersey at high tide, aided by the full moon.

"If I were home, I'd be boarding up your television sets, because this is the stuff that's gonna hurt somebody," Letterman deadpanned. (Among the Top 10 Rejected Names for the Storm: Al Frankenstorm, Trumpical Storm, Wetzilla, iPaddle and Oprah Windy.)