I came expecting wizards and cosplaying warriors. And although theactual Medieval Combat LARPer event scheduled for Saturday in Boston ended up being postponed, I didn't leave disappointed. The phalanx of MAGA teens, denizens of alt-right groups such asKekistan, Oath Keepers, Proud Boys, and the greater diaspora of white male rage and impotence gathered at the same location for a Free Speech Rally proved every bit as goofily entertaining, and ten times more depressing. The group turned the Boston Common area, site of some of the proudest protest moments in American history, into the host of one of the dumbest. The message boards of hell were empty and all its posters were here.

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The crowd of around 300 or so was rather underwhelming, especially compared to the last protest event I attended here—the Women's March, which numbered in the many thousands. On the other side, roughly 100 yards away, around 150 Antifa Boston and assorted allies from Boston DSA and others, formed a line on Flag Staff Hill, beneath the Soldiers and Sailors Monument, dedicated to those who died for the country, kept the Union whole, and destroyed slavery.

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My dude says hopefully he won't have to use his weapon pic.twitter.com/y3dIhzT648 — luke (@lukeoneil47) May 13, 2017

In between the Boston Police had formed a line, although they seemed most interested in keeping a watchful eye on the antifas. That left plenty of room in between on the lawn to place oneself in the center of the dialogue, such as it were. As each line hurled insults and chants at one another—"Racists, sexist, anti-gay, fuck off bigots go away"—I finally understood the literal meaning of hearing both sides. Not that it was particularly edifying in any way.

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Tensions getting a little high pic.twitter.com/ZohBa8aRsr — luke (@lukeoneil47) May 13, 2017

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I am literally hearing both sides pic.twitter.com/viJ0YarBUd — luke (@lukeoneil47) May 13, 2017

On one side came shouts of "Nazi scum!" On the other "Commie faggots!" On one side chants of solidarity with immigrants and people of color. On the other oaths to white chauvinism, a refusal to apologize for "creating the modern world" and invitations for a "free helicopter ride."

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Behind the bandstand at the Boston "free speech" rally, the Proud Boys are doing their initiations and beat-ins. pic.twitter.com/IvM0EPmmPG — Jack Smith IV (@JackSmithIV) May 13, 2017

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The dissonance felt something like uploading my corporeal being into a Twitter thread. Words were being expelled from one side to another, but were not being received. Ostensible jokes were being told—everyone from either group, in a surprising turn of demographics, lived in a basement and was a fat virgin as it turns out—but there was nothing funny about it. I have been to funerals and war memorials and heard better material.

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One side telling shitty jokes about the other, no one changing anything. I've finally uploaded my meat into Twitter. I am Lawnmower Man. pic.twitter.com/r7iwmEh5E3 — luke (@lukeoneil47) May 13, 2017

The cold, humid air was charged with the idea of violence in the way a strip club is charged with the idea of sex, and yet no one seemed willing to fulfill its promise. I did witness a handful of arrests, when a couple of Proud Boys crossed lines to instigate trouble, and were summarily dispatched by the police.

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Couple of MAGAs just started shit and got snatched up pic.twitter.com/3wIqTltXDz — luke (@lukeoneil47) May 13, 2017

At one point a MAGA bro wandered onto the antifa hill and was promptly welcomed to fuck off. An abortion-protesting man was made to part ways with his sign.

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This dude got his anti-abortion sign took pic.twitter.com/IMVmx9Qkmo — luke (@lukeoneil47) May 13, 2017

The intense standoff wreaked havoc on the schedule of speakers on the bandstand, including Oath Keepers president Stewart Rhodes, Kyle "Based Stick Man" Chapman, and Steven Verrette, a random teen from Peabody who organized the event, where attention spans seemed truncated. Frustrated organizers walked through the crowd imploring them to come back and listen, but the visceral thrill of standing a football field away from people they disagreed with proved too much to pass up. I spotted about a half dozen black people. Four of them were police.

It's one thing to be confronted with this sort of empty, rudderless white supremacist rhetoric online, but to see it manifest into human form is alarming. Particularly among such young people, who, one would like to think, haven't yet had their idealism beaten out of them yet by the merciless, brutalizing hand of capitalism. One weeps for the actual American patriots that once patrolled the cobblestone streets nearby. Then again a lot of them were slave owners, so fuck them, too.

At one point, Chapman rallied the troops to exalt in their allegiance to freedom in something like a racist garage sale reenactment of Braveheart. It was left unstated exactly which freedoms they were currently being prevented from exercising.

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The "free speech" crowd, if nothing else, seemed delighted to simply be able to look leftists in the face, albeit from a Hail Mary's distance, and to delight in their anger. That, in the long and short of it, is what unites this motley crew of gamers, shit-posters, and New Hampshire motorcycle divorcees together. It's an exercise of theater. Sometimes literally, as in the case of one dude dressed in a pretend Army man uniform. "You're all sheep," he yelled to the antifas. "That's funny coming from an actual soldier," came a reply. Except he said he wasn't a veteran. Apparently he just liked the way he looked in the camo.

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Camo dude: You're all sheep.

Antifa: Dude you're a soldier!

Camo: I'm not actually. I'm just dressed like this.

Me: Stolen valor imo. pic.twitter.com/84ipwvkZB7 — luke (@lukeoneil47) May 13, 2017

Shortly thereafter some of the actual veterans that were serving as a default stabilizing hand for the protesters came over and yelled at him to stand down, and he ended up hanging out alone the rest of the day.

Soon, the ranks closed, and the sides approached one another approximating a slow motion kickoff to start a football game. But a clash was forestalled by the presence of the authorities, who both groups seemed to have little interest in provoking. Violence, for now, was put aside, the mere waft of it in the air satiating most appetites. Eventually it came time for the charade to be dispensed with, and after exchanging a parting insult or two, the "Free Speech" horde waddled of to march the streets, sounding their barbaric yawp for anyone interested. Nearby on the way to the Public Gardens, a group of Hare Krishnas chanted and played songs. Tourists piloted their baby strollers, indifferent to the tumult. Peanuts and pretzels were sold. An old man on a tiny, spinning carousel performed a one man band version of the Beatles' "All My Loving."

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Meanwhile, in the Public Garden pic.twitter.com/xWwtpbee32 — luke (@lukeoneil47) May 13, 2017

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