When we ask parents in our classes to name the goals they have for their children, inevitably “becoming better sharers” is at the top of their lists. Becoming a sharer is a complex process, with children putting in hard work every step of the way. I think it’s good to look at the topic holistically.

Sharing, Lending, and Borrowing

Sharing can be seen as the process of taking objects in your possession and distributing them to others. Personal sharing implies that you will lose ownership of the item once it is given away, such as a shared sandwich.

Items and space that do not belong to any one person can also be shared, such as a bucket of crayons or a bench to rest on. Communal sharing is often easier, at first, than personal sharing for young children.

Borrowing and lending involve a transfer of temporary ownership in which the expectation is that the lent item will be returned. Ownership and Sharing ‘It’s Mine!’ For young children the importance of an item often depends on the desirability amongst their peers. We see young ones run for an empty swing when it is clear they do not really want to swing, or hoard shovels even though they cannot possibly dig with seven shovels at the same time. It is common to hear ‘It’s mine!’ or ‘I got here first!’

If a child is asserting ownership in this way, we try to validate their feelings. Once the child has fulfilled the internal desire for ownership, or has a good sense of what they really need, they may be able to look outwards to what others want or need.

We do not want to create solutions for the children, but rather guide them toward creating their own solutions. The goal is not a child who shares because that is the rule; it is a child who shares because they have empathy and understanding of other people’s wants and needs.