Anna and Elsa have an honest-to-goodness conversation, then we get a bit of Kristoff's backstory.

Chapter Text

Anna took a deep breath and checked her purse one last time. No point in forgetting something and having to traverse the house again.

Her hand hovered over the doorknob. She pulled it back and strained her ears, listening for Elsa.

Nothing.

Anna sighed, then opened the door. She made her way downstairs, then paused. She could see that the living room was clear, but someone was in the kitchen; she could hear them.

At the bottom of the stairs, she started going straight for the front door, then stopped. “This is ridiculous,” Anna muttered. Her car was in the garage. Under their terms of ‘avoid each other to keep things easier,’ Anna had planned to go out the front door and open the garage from the outside so she could get her car and leave.

But there was a perfectly good door to the garage in the kitchen. Anna turned around.

Even if it was Elsa in the kitchen, their avoidance was just getting silly at this point.

But even though she was trying to be more reasonable about this, she couldn’t stop listening to whoever was in the kitchen as she drew closer, trying to figure out who was cooking.

A split-second before she walked in, Anna recognized the humming as Elsa’s. She even recognized the song.

Anna stopped just outside the room. She leaned against the wall and fought the impulse to close her eyes because it would be too easy to forget herself if she did. If she closed her eyes, she could pretend she was back in her room and Elsa was too. They could just be sitting, doing homework, and Elsa might be humming.

Or maybe they would be lying in bed together, hair splayed over their pillows, and Anna would be tracing circles on Elsa’s hip.

Maybe—

Anna opened her eyes and sighed. She did that a lot lately.

This was why they had this plan in place.

“Hello?” Elsa stopped humming. She’d probably heard Anna sigh.

“Hey there.” Anna stepped around the corner, trying to push recent memories out of mind. “I’m just headed out.” She glanced toward the door to the garage.

“Oh, cool.” Elsa turned back to her mixing bowl. “I’m baking some cookies.”

Anna’s eyes slid back toward Elsa, now that she was looking away. “Huh.” She took a few steps paused on the far side of the counter, by the garage door.

They were supposed to keep things simple, shallow.

“Any particular reason?” Anna asked. She tilted her head. “You were never much for the kitchen.”

Elsa slowed her mixing and glanced over her shoulder. “Oh, um...” She hesitated. It was the most innocuous question, but nothing between them was ever kept to face value. “Its the dorm kitchens,” Elsa continued. “They’re terrible and sticky and disgusting and I hate them. So, since I’m home and not busy, I had this urge to do something in the kitchen.” She shrugged. “Cookies are simple enough.”

Anna nodded. And... as frustrating as everything was, as much as their distance was necessary, was wise, it felt good to be around Elsa. It felt right .

And she was eighteen now.

Surely, if there was room for things to change, she could at least try. Prod the fire and see if sparks flew.

Anna took a step forward. “Can I try some of the dough?”

Elsa turned around all the way. Her lips tightened, but it looked like she was holding back a smile. “Sure.”

“Thanks.” Reaching forward, Anna scooped a finger through the mixing bowl. She pulled out a glob of cookie dough. “Do you need any help with the cookies?” Anna asked. She licked the dough off her finger. Prior plans with Kristoff felt distant.

Elsa’s eye twitched. She set the bowl down firmly. “And then what, Anna?”

“Uh... we bake them, then eat them?” Anna stepped back.

“No!” Elsa put a hand to her mouth after the outburst. Softer, she continued, “You know what I’m talking about. I mean what—what happens if we do this? We keep a distance for a reason. If we break that decision, then, then...”

“Then what?” Anna shrugged. “I’m eighteen now,” she said earnestly. “I’m graduating high school in a couple weeks. We don’t—”

“ We do .” Any hint of Elsa’s smile had vanished. She sighed. “Just... even with that now... what do you propose?” She took a step forward and grabbed Anna’s shoulder. “We have nowhere to go from here. We have no roadmap and as much as it worked before, secretly dating or whatever, it isn’t sustainable.”

Anna felt stupid for just being happy that Elsa was touching her shoulder. “I don’t know.” Out of habit, she leaned into that hand. At least Elsa didn’t pull back. “I don’t know but you said before that we were worth it, worth the risk and the scandal and everything. We took a chance and, until the end there, things were good , Elsa.” She put her hand over Elsa’s, holding it closer against her skin. “We can be that way again.”

“Yes...” Elsa sounded breathless. Her hand tightened around Anna’s shoulder. “And it really was good, Anna, but... we can’t.” Her voice cracked. “And I would by lying if I said I didn’t want to get that back again. I do. I want it so bad.”

Anna’s heart pounded in her ears. She half-expected Elsa to lean in and kiss her like normal.

“But we don’t have a roadmap,” Elsa said. “We don’t have a plan—”

“ Then let’s make a plan!” Anna growled.

Elsa’s face fell. “It can’t be done. There is no path to what we want from each other that doesn’t ruin other relationships in the process.”

Anna stared at her. She stepped back and her shoulder slipped out of Elsa’s grasp. Silence welled between them until she thought she might drown in it. Finally, she whispered, “What if I found one, truly. Would you take my hand and walk it with me?” She swallowed a lump in her throat. “Or are you just done? Are we actually over, and you just can’t say it?”

Elsa blinked. For a long, dangerous second, Anna wondered if, in some universe, she was happier without Elsa at all, if she were just better off without her life revolving around a girl too afraid of herself to let them reach out to one another and find a way to just be.

Then, slowly, Elsa nodded. “I would go with you if you had a plan” she said. “It sounds... impossible, but there’s nothing I want more.”

Nodding, Anna took a few steps back. Back into distance, back into reality. The kitchen seemed to blur back into focus around her. “I’ll see you around then.”

“Yeah...” Elsa seemed troubled.

Anna turned to leave.

Elsa grabbed her hand.

“I’ve handled this badly,” she said, speaking quickly, “but I hope you never doubt that I tried. I always tried.”

And then Anna wasn’t sure who started it, who stepped forward first, but they closed the distance somehow with a soft kiss. Elsa’s lips felt like yesterday’s dreams, and she kissed with a familiarity that made Anna’s heart ache.

Before she could hurt any worse, she tore herself away. Her eyes found Elsa’s. They’d been distant for a reason; it was torture to get a taste of what had been without the promise of more to some.

“I’ll try too,” Anna said, then ran out of the kitchen.

*

“And you’re sure you’re not bored?”

Anna shook her head. “Nope. This is fun.”

Kristoff gave her a weird look, then shrugged. “Thanks for driving me, but you don’t need to pretend. I mean, we’re going grocery shopping .”

“Groceries are fun.”

He snorted and compared his coupons to the canned goods on the shelf. “If you think grocery shopping is fun, adulthood is gonna be a wild ride.”

“It’s just nice to, you know, do normal stuff?” Anna shrugged.

He raised his eyebrows as he grabbed some beans. “Do you not go grocery shopping with your, uh, guardians?”

Anna paused. They walked a few paces down the aisle. “Not really, actually. They usually run out on quick errands solo, and they’re both so busy with their jobs that they like to go together, when there’s time, as a sort of date.”

“That’s married life for you.”

They chatted about groceries, coupons, and domesticity until Kristoff had collected all his food for the week. On their way to the front, he hefted a bag of dog food into the cart too.

“There we go,” he said. “Gotta keep Sven fed with more than just my table scraps.”

Anna glanced at the price. “How long does a bag last him? He’s such a big dog.”

“Not long enough.” Briefly, Kristoff looked tired. “But I’ve bought Sven food when I couldn’t buy my own. Don’t see sense in stopping now.”

She didn’t comment as they went through the checkout and back to her car. They loaded the groceries with bit of small talk over the weather, but fell into silence again when she started the car. Glancing over, Kristoff seemed oddly small without Sven by his side. The dog came in the car with them almost no matter where they went, if Kristoff was driving.

They were halfway back to his apartment when he said, “I left home when I was 18. I had my car, some cash, and Sven.” He laughed. “It probably sounds dumb, but I needed that dog by my side.”

“It’s not dumb.” Anna glanced over and smiled encouragingly.

“Thanks,” he said. “I guess this is a good time to explain that I was raised in a weird new-age, semi-Nordic religious commune.”

Anna blinked, but kept her eyes on the road. “Wait what?” If she hadn’t been driving, she would have stared at him.

“That’s probably how I would react too,” he said. “It was weird and involved rocks and trolls.”

“... Trolls?”

“Trolls.” He didn’t elaborate on what, exactly, that meant. “Also a lot of rocks in circles. Musical traditions. The full cult experience.”

Anna really wished she wasn’t driving. She would have tried sending a bunch a nonverbal cues to indicate acceptance. As it was, she said, “Okay. Rocks and music are cool.”

“I’m still in contact with my family,” he said, “but things are... strained. My Grand Pappy, he’s kind of the communal grandfather-patriarch figure? He took it the hardest when I left. I started questioning things when I was 17. Things came to a head about this pseudo-arranged marriage—”

“You were engaged?!” Anna slammed the breaks, seeing a red light a little late.

Kristoff chuckled. “It involved moss and rocks when I was like five.” He shrugged. “I wasn’t interested when the time to actually do it came around. That and other factors led me to leave.”

“I would hug you,” she said, “but I’m driving and that isn’t safe.”

“I’ll accept a rain check on the hug. No worries.” He placed a hand on her shoulder, briefly. “It’s been hard, but I prefer life out here to life back there. Even if I don’t really talk to people much.”

Anna shook her head. “You... you’ve clearly risen to the occasion,” she said. “You keep yourself and Sven fed, you’re going to college, you have an apartment... You have a super awesome friend who would never judge you for your background. Plus, family stuff is complicated.” She sighed. “It’s super complicated and sometimes things are just strained. I still believe you’ve held up marvelously, all things considered.”

“Thanks,” he said. Something in his tone shifted, and Anna felt as though he was reading something in what she’d said that didn’t apply to him. “Is there something else going on with you at home?” he asked. “You seem a little off today and I’m kind of done talking about myself for the next week.”

She smiled tightly. “Same old, same old.” Things with Elsa were always complicated. They just generally didn’t feel quite this shitty. “I just keep feeling as though everything would be better if I were gone, but we’re all just just being too polite to admit I should leave. I keep wondering if it’s okay to self-approve myself to just go.”

“Everything would be better?” He sounded mildly skeptical. “Who exactly benefits if you leave?”

She snorted as she pulled into Kristoff’s apartment complex. “Everyone.” Herself, for one. “I would probably be happier away from this environment where I’m stuck in this half-role forever.” Idunn too. “My father’s wife wouldn’t be constantly stuck with the reminder of her husband’s infidelity by my presence.” Adgar himself, even if he might disagree. “My father could sort out his mid-life crisis and would honestly be better off without me to distract and complicate things.” And Elsa, most of all. “And Elsa would finally be able to relax in her own damn house instead of worrying about all the drama with me.”

“Who’s Elsa?”

All the blood drained from Anna’s face. She turned to face him, horrified at her slip. Briefly, she was grateful she’d already parked the car, or else she’d have crashed it into something.

Kristoff frowned and leaned forward. “Are you okay?” A pause. “You really don’t look okay. Look, we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. Honestly. I’m just worried about you.”

And Anna would have taken him up on the offer to leave it be, she really would have. Except she’d driven out to see him with Elsa’s kiss replaying over and over in her mind. She closed her eyes, leaning back against her car seat. For a moment, the memory welled up again and she could almost feel Elsa’s lips against hers.

“Elsa is my father’s daughter by his wife,” she said. “She’s older by a bit less than two years, and she’s my half-sister.”

“Huh. That must make things a bit awkward.” He hopped out of the car. Anna opened her eyes and got out too, feeling oddly light at having said half of the truth. It was still more than she’d told anyone.

“Definitely,” she said, getting the groceries out of the back.

On their way up the stairs, Kristoff asked, “Why haven’t you brought her up before?”

Anna immediately changed the subject to how Kristoff organized his groceries, which was fairly topical. There was only room for one person in his kitchen area, however, so she ended up sitting on the couch and petting Sven as he put the food away.

For a moment, everything felt normal.

But Kristoff’s question hung in the air, asked and unanswered.

Anna took a deep breath. She was halfway there already. Might as well.

“Because she’s also my ex-girlfriend,” she said.

Kristoff turned away from the pantry, frowning. “Who are you—” His eyes widened. “Wait. Are you saying...”

Anna nodded.

“Oh.” Kristoff blinked.

Her nose prickled and she briefly fought the impulse to cry. Her thoughts raced through arguments on whether or not Kristoff would judge her, which would be understandable. On the other hand, he hadn’t exactly grown up with standard cultural mores, so maybe not.

He nodded slowly as he turned to put the rest of the groceries away. “You sound like you’re in an awkward situation.”

Anna laughed so hard she coughed, concerning Sven. Even with the anxiety, her chest felt lighter. She hadn’t thought opening up about the secret would feel so freeing. Even if Kristoff judged her and never wanted to see her again, she’d gotten to say what was happening out loud, to someone who wasn’t at all connected to the whole mess.

He put the last item in the fridge and walked over. Sitting on the couch beside her, he ruffled Sven’s ears before turning toward her. “Anna,” he said, “You’re really not okay right now, are you?”

Anna shook her head. “I’m in a really unhealthy living situation of my own doing. It’s complicated and I don’t even know if I want to leave, really.” She leaned back and Sven jumped halfway onto the couch so she could keep petting him. “It’s painful to be there when part of me wants, so badly, to just GO, to start over somewhere and try to find a place where I can be myself.” She paused. “But part of me also wants to come up with a plan so Elsa and I can be together.”

“Um...” Kristoff made a face somewhere between confusion and concern. “Catch me up on what’s going on?”

“ We dated before she graduated high school and it was good. Legitimately good. Since then we agreed to be distant to protect ourselves and then recently—” She felt a little guilty for neglecting to say it was earlier that afternoon. “—we kind of opened things up again and we can’t be together unless we come up with an actual plan as to how that’s doable without living a secret forever from her parents, who are the only people who really know we’re sisters, really.” Anna sighed. “So I’m caught between trying to figure out a plan and wondering if I should just go. Maybe I want to go and not worry about it. Or at least get space if I’m going to worry about it.”

He considered her a moment. To her relief, he didn’t exude any judgement. “So you’re leaning towards leaving?”

She hesitated. Agreeing to that statement felt oddly final, as though she were committing to an irreversible shift by doing so. “What do you think I should do?” she said at length

He smiled at her, a little sadly. “I am reluctant to give an answer like that,” he said. “But... from what you’ve told me, I wouldn’t discourage you from trying to leave.” A pause. “When do you graduate anyway?”

“Just a couple weeks.” Elsa’s college did a strangely late Spring Break. Anna’s high school had off almost a month ago.

He sighed. “Well... now would potentially be a good time to have a conversation about that. I really don’t want to give life advice, but... it might be good for you to get out of the house, out of your isolated family bubble for a bit.” He frowned. “And it doesn’t have to be permanent. Even if you just move out and work for a year and decide you want to go back, you could talk to them about it, maybe.”

“Minus the part where I dated their daughter?” Anna asked, voice dry.

“I’d probably avoid that fact,” Kristoff said. He bit his lip. “And Anna, just so you know, I am concerned for you, but... I’m not judging you either. Things have been complicated and I can’t speak for how you got to where you are.”

Anna swept him up in as big as hug as she could manage. Sven joined in too. “Thank you,” she whispered.

Pulling back, she glanced at her watch out of habit and winced. “It’s about time for me to get back though,” she said.

“This was good though,” he said. They stood up. Regarding her a moment, he added, “No matter where you go, stay in touch?”

“Absolutely,” Anna said.

Driving home in her car, she knew there was no place she could go that would lose her Kristoff’s friendship. But she kept wondering how far she needed to go in order to stop being Elsa’s sister. If she could shed that label, truly and entirely, then she could maybe, just maybe, come back and just be her girlfriend.

She got home to find Idunn waiting in the kitchen, sipping her coffee.

“ We need to talk,” Idunn said, setting her coffee down on the kitchen table. “Have a seat.”