TULSA, OK—Comforting the worried couple that the common problem would likely work itself out on its own, Hillcrest Hospital ER staff assured parents Dave and Hilary Melford Tuesday that the Burger King Chicken Fries their son swallowed would likely pass naturally through his system. “We get a lot of worried moms and dads coming in fearing the worst, but you can rest assured that those Burger King Chicken Fries should pass intact through Jason’s large intestine in a matter of days without any significant health issues,” said Dr. Terrance Rush, stressing that medical intervention would likely be entirely unnecessary to remove the Chicken Fries from their son’s stomach. “Of course, the best course of action would have been to immediately induce vomiting, but the good news is I expect Jason will make a full recovery in as little as a week. Unfortunately, the trace amounts of Zesty Sauce in his system could be there for years to come.” At press time, ER staff members were diverted by a code blue for a child who had accidentally come into contact with Taco Bell’s Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box.

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