I met a girl at a party and took her to my car to make out. Choke me, she said. I was parked on a well lit public street. Even better. Get her topless and clamp her neck between my arms; she is excited that a cop might drive by. Nowadays every girl under 25 is a cenobite. They want to be choked, hit, fake raped. They want to lacerate you with sharp nails, scratch at your nipples, bite your bottom lip and draw blood. They all squirt. Ten years ago nobody squirted. It just didn’t exist. Now everybody squirts. Everybody deep throats. Everybody’s into BDSM. She’s a sub telling you on the first date that she needs a forearm in the throat to cum. Or she’s a “pro domme.” No such thing as an amateur domme. Dommes all get paid.

You end up going along with it. Pussy’s pussy, after all. You tolerate a girl chewing on delicate parts of your face and leaving snaking purple scratches all over your neck. Meanwhile, for you, just fucking is enough. No bells and whistles needed. You have to concentrate. Try to keep your boner as she makes weird histrionic howls and puts your hands on her neck. The shit’s gonna bruise but that’s her problem.

Nothing makes you feel old faster than fucking young people. Men my age came up during AIDS. Getting a girl to fuck you was like building the pyramids. Getting a girl to rawdog was endless cajoling. Then afterward, endless worried conversations. Did you get tested, have you been with a lot of girls, omigod you gave me AIDS, I know it. Reagan didn’t want to give money to the gays, so the gays created a big fear campaign to convince straight people that they would get AIDS. It worked. Our sex lives were casualties. Our youths were wasted. Men who got married or got fat or otherwise got out of the game will have lived never knowing what the new world is like. Easy dirty pussy everywhere.

Young people never knew AIDS as a death sentence. They have internalized the truth that it solely affects junkies, gays and Africans. Other STD’s are curable or just don’t show up. Young girls will rawdog in a heartbeat. They fear nothing. They are not concerned about their reputation. You meet them online, you don’t know anyone they know. I was going to say you’re seeing a persona, but no. Her boss is seeing a persona. Her mom is seeing a persona. You see the real her. A libertine. A pervert. She watches more porn than you. Mimics it. Squirts. Deep throats. Likes to get hit. Women have been liberated to be who they truly are. It turns out they’re fucking filthy.

You grow up as a man thinking you’re the pig. The menace. But an honest conversation about sex with any 22 year old girl will horrify you. For a second you stop wanting to fuck her. You want to cover her in a warm blanket and stroke her hair. I’m sorry for whatever happened to you. I need you to call me honey bunny, she says. It’s what my dad used to call me. I need you to hit me. I need you to punch me in the boobs. I need you to bite my nipples. I need you to push my face in the pillow. I’m gonna fight back but don’t let me up until I stop breathing for real.

It sounds hot but really it’s a pain in the ass. You are working to please her. Your mind leaves your body. You watch yourself from six feet away chomping on her areola, calling her a cunt. Pinning her wrists as she resists with a late-career Nic Cage level of subtlety. You are unicycling across a tightrope while juggling. Trying not to laugh. Keeping your erection is a miracle.

Every OKCupid date is kinky. The most popular book in the world is bondage porn. There is an entire industry dedicated to literature about being raped by dinosaurs. Women are filthy disgusting animals.

Books tell you that ancient cultures feared the power of women’s sexuality. I used to think: get back to me when they’re jerking off in a toilet thinking about a special needs student. But the ancients were right. Men’s fantasies, our halfhearted utilitarian meat flogging– milquetoast. Today’s woman jerks off 20 times a day. She has machines for it. She dreams of being forcibly sodomized by the garbage man. His rough hand forces her face into a rotten pile of dog shit and old coffee filters. She chokes. She cums. She’s ready again. She tells you about it halfway through her second drink. It’s enough to make a man clutch his pearls.