WASHINGTON— Saying that they were unable to explain the mysterious error, officials confirmed Friday that a glitch in the country was allowing U.S. citizens to temporarily walk through tables. “As many of you may have already noticed, due to a malfunction in the nation earlier today, citizens were momentarily able move through tables,” said National Institute of Standards and Technology associate director Kent Rochford, assuring Americans that a team was working around the clock to locate and address the bug that enabled people to stride into and out of solid objects. “We apologize to anyone inconvenienced by falling through a counter or wall they were leaning against. Just know that we are doing everything in our power to patch whatever caused people to plummet through the floor into offices or apartments below.” At press time, Rochford expressed hope that any further issues could be resolved by doing a hard restart on the country.

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