If you're anything like me, you often lay awake at night thinking about the cinematic masterpiece that is the 2004 film, You Got Served.

Why? Because the culturally enlightened among us know that often the best films are the ones where music (and the singing and/or dancing to said music) is the true main character. It's the reason that my DVD collection is as follows:





- Billy Elliott

- Oliver Twist (the 1968 version of course )

- Whiplash

- La La Land

- Sing Street

- Interstellar





(My Mum got me Interstellar as a stocking stuffer for Christmas one year...but when you think about it, we really have always defined ourselves by the ability to overcome the impossible. And we count these moments. These moments when we dare to aim higher, to break barriers, to reach for the stars, to make the unknown known. We count these moments as our proudest achievements. But we lost all that. Or perhaps we've just forgotten that we are still pioneers. And we've barely begun. And that our greatest accomplishments cannot be behind us, that our destiny lies above us.)





Anyway, back to the film.





You Got Served was written and directed by Chris Stokes , who was also the business manager of the film's main stars, Marques Houston and Omarion (then part of B2K which Stokes also managed...tell me Bump Bump Bump doesn't still slap, I dare you).





It's a total big brain move to write and direct a film and cast your clients as the leads. Talk about growing the pie! It's the modern day equivalent of an influencer starting their own poor-quality jewelry brand rather than promoting someone else's (which is fine in my eyes given both likely fell off the same truck in Guangzhou).





I can't actually remember when/where/how I saw You Got Served for the first time, as that would involve me remembering a time before You Got Served. I now refer to that period simply as "the before time."





First things first, we need to talk about how rude it is to open a film directly with Drop by Timbland & Magoo (featuring none other than Fatman Scoop). How does an audience have a hope of staying in their seats for 95 minutes when you pour molten lava directly on them from the jump?





If I had been in the cinema, this undoubtedly would've been me:

We open with a simple winner-take-all dance battle featuring David and Elgin's crew (played by Omarion and Marques Houston). The battle takes place at 'The Warehouse', hosted by "Mr. Rad" aka Steve Harvey...which I think as it turns out was the last time Steve Harvey has been called rad by anyone.





The Warehouse battles are decided by measure of audience applause, which it's important to note is a deeply flawed method of deciding a winner in any competition. As is the case in all dance movies, the outcomes are designed to advance the plot rather than crown the legitimate champions, however sometimes the best team do actually beat the protagonists...big ups to The Clovers .





In general the best advice one can follow with films in this genre is rather than investing too much in one particular crew, simply sit back and appreciate the choreography...and in the case of You Got Served, the dope Kenyon Martin jerseys.

In order to build tension, but mostly to get us to the point later in the film with the even better dance moves, we're gonna need some conflict and some bad guys.

Because the year is 2004, we can simply insert some characters that look like this:





Exhibit A - "Emerald" the not-so-friendly neighbourhood gangster.

The film is set in LA and yet my man is still rocking this much fabric with ease. It's possible he ran his operation out of an industrial fridge of some sort in order to make it work...I say this as a larger gentleman myself who hasn't closed a suit jacket since 2009.





Exhibit B - Villain Dancer #2 (Left) and Wade (Right). That's right, only one of the dancing villains in this film needs a name.

Yes that is a camouflage t-shirt that says "Ha! Now You Can't See Me!"

Yes that is a cut-off shirt that says "Actually, Yes the World Does Revolve Around ME"

Full credit to the production team for nailing these castings and wardrobe choices. These two look like the oldest and angriest members of John Cena's fan club which I think fits the brief perfectly.





Wade challenges Elgin to a $5,000 battle that very night, an offer Elgin has no choice but to accept. Such is life in the underground amateur dance world.





Sadly Elgin & co were dancing their way into a trap, as Wade had secretly recruited one of the crew's members, Sonny, to steal their moves and join their squad. This exercise in betrayal not only cost David and Elgin $5,000, but also their pride (value unknown) and status as the top crew around (value arguably $5,000).

It's easy to point the finger at Sonny and label him a traitor for this move, however it's possible that he had a sick family member with overdue medical bills that needed paying. Or one of his friends may have had a sure-thing investment opportunity which fell through at the last minute. There are anywhere from two to three sides to every story.





(I'd also put money on Wade's parent's fridge being stocked with all the best sugary drinks, and Sonny wouldn't be the first among us to make a bad decision while high on Snapple .)





The crew's loss compounds their debts to Emerald and drives a wedge between Elgin and David, setting the foundations for an epic redemption arc in the process.





General sadness and sorrow ensue for the next 25 minutes or so, until as if out of nowhere, Elgin learns about "The Big Bounce", a dance contest taking place in LA with a prize of...wait for it...$50,000!

(The last minute all-or-nothing talent show by far my favourite 'Deus Ex Machina' plot device. Another fine example can be found in The Brady Bunch Movie.)









Elgin and David, while still not on speaking terms, somehow both recognise the need to train harder than they've ever trained if they're going to lead their (now separate) crews to victory, delivering us this magnificent montage in the process:

(...for a film that's set in LA, wouldn't that be a torrential downpour?)





You simply can't tell me that The Black Eyed Peas & Papa Roach (who released this track in 2003) weren't the inspiration for Jay-Z & Linkin Park (Collision Course dropped in 2004) to hop in the studio together to try and one-up them. You just can't.





Sadly for David, his crew fail to make it through to the finals of The Big Bounce, which are set in what looks like the biggest Toyota dealership in the world. He has to watch on as El's crew take on Wade's and one other mystery crew wearing red in the finals.

(Do you think they had a choice of which colour Adidas tracksuits to wear or were they assigned at random?)





All three crews put their best feet forward, and back, and to the left, and to the right, and to the left again, yet somehow the judges scored Wade and El's crew as equal 1st. How is this possible in a winner-take-all competition, with $50,000 and an appearance in a Lil Kim video on the line? Would any of the crews have even signed up to win $25,000 and be 50% of the amateur dance crews in a Lil Kim video? I doubt it.





Luckily Steve Harvey is on hand to convince Lil Kim that the only solution is "to take it to the streets" - which if you don't speak "the streets", means 'an over-time round with no rules that will once more be decided by the flawed audience cheer meter.'





Rather than taking advantage of the new no rules rule to injure or maim their opponents as I would have, both teams instead opt to add new members to their crew, paving the way for El and David to gloriously re-unite at the 11th hour.

There you have it. Greatness.

While it's clear to me (and now you) just how distinguished this film is, I must admit I was curious as to how the critics remembered it.

Wow. Surely this must be a mistake of some kind? 14% average from 71 critics?

Blasphemy. Hogwash. Poppycock.





Before crucifying these so called 'critics' on the spot, I wanted to see if they had perhaps found enlightenment or seen the error of their ways. After all, we all get things wrong. For example, I used to hate pickles, now I can't get enough of them.

I reached out to Robert and Felix, two of the named critics with reviews, to see if after all these years they wanted to update their stance. Perhaps You Got Served is their proverbial pickles. Their responses are below.





Robert:





Right off the bat it's easy to see how Robert has earned the esteemed 'Top Critic' badge throughout his illustrious career. While he does fall short of acknowledging the film for the cinematic achievement that it is, he at least recognises that reevaluating his stance would require a re-watch. That's professionalism you don't see every day. Also, signing off anything with the first letter of your name will forever be a power move.





Felix:

It's been days since I received this message and I still can't decide whether that emoji is playful, smug, or both. I also can't help but respect the choice to double down on his position, however wrong it may be. Hate on Felix, hate on.





T





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