Ah Vasteras, if only we could play you every week. We play absolutely shite and, yet, still come away with a shutout. With that win, we move into the 2nd round of the Swedish Cup and get a home tie against First Division Elite side Trelleborgs FF as our reward. More importantly, though, my job is safe. With Olsson et al giving me a boost up, I have managed to clamber out of the frying pan and settle snugly into the flames below.

There have been ups and downs at Torns in my maiden season at the helm, but I am just starting to realise that I actually quite like it here. The players are good, with no egos to keep in check, and are all young enough to improve. The board, whilst recently losing patience, haven’t had any real issues with me and seem willing to put some money into the club if needed. My one gripe, because, face it, I’m Scottish so need to have something to moan about, is that the board still aren’t comfortable with sending me on a coaching course. My dream of getting Scotland into a major tournament depends on getting those badges. Fuck, even Chris Iwelumo has his Continental A Licence.



My plan: hand-deliver the SSDEG title to Peter Barnekov’s front door and ask for a coaching course in return. Here we go.

Torns IF v Prespa Birlik

Prespa come into this game propping up the table. Everything about them is poor and we are comfortable favourites. If we can get a good result here then I fancy us to go on a decent run, given the teams we have coming up in the next few weeks. Prespa don’t hold the ball well, with a low passing accuracy percentage meaning they aren’t exactly going to be playing tiki-taka. My scouts anticipate them to play defensively to try and frustrate us before breaking on the counter. Moose is getting dismantled and rebuilt to play a more attractive style of football. Olsson will be utilised as an AMC and act as our playmaker, setting up play wherever and whenever he can. Hellborg, who has impressed recently, will support through the middle, leaving Moh Dhaini to help our defence when needed. With Prespa looking to sit back, we will take the game to them.

Prespa’s game plan goes out the window 5 minutes into the game. Hellborg and Olsson combine well in the middle of the park before the former releases an inch perfect pass into the path of Akerlund on the left wing. Akerlund breaks towards the byline and lays a beautifully teasing ball through the defence to the back post where Dino is waiting to tap home. 1-0. Come at us, Prespa.

And come at us they don’t…? Instead of putting pressure on our notoriously fragile defence, our “clever” opposition decide to sit back some more. We go close to scoring again throughout the game, hitting the bar and the post through Zetterstrom and Ostlund but another goal isn’t needed. The game finishes 1-0.

Torns IF v Kalmar AIK

Next into the Tornvallen fortress is Kalmar AIK, who are performing above expectations this season, in 10th place. They did hold me to a draw earlier in the season, but I don’t see that happening again. We are here for blood. Kalmar play the overly popular Swedish formation of a 4-2DM-2-2. It’s an incredibly negative way to play and, having come across it every second week in the SSDEG, I am starting to see through it. By overloading the wings, one of their DM’s have to push across to support their team. In doing so, it creates a mountain of space for Olsson in the middle of the park to do his thing. I have noticed that Kalmar’s RB also tends to push inside whenever he can, an inverted wing back if you like. Akerlund will have a lot of time and joy on the left to ping in crosses so I am going to play Zetterstrom as a Target Man to aim for in the middle of the pitch. Ostlund joins him up top as a poacher. My own version of little and large. Except, Zetterstrom and Ostlund are the same height so that analogy doesn’t work at all. Forget it.

Kalmar almost shatter our plans straight away, with Sauma sneaking through after 48 seconds. Clean through in the 6 yard box, he can only manage a shot straight at Martensson. Lucky escape. Our luck continues in the 9th minute when Kalmar’s Dani pings it from 35 yards and hits our crossbar. “Wake the fuck up!” are my intellectually detailed instructions.

3 minutes later we craft our 1st chance of the game. Olsson lays the ball over to Akerlund who cuts in from the wing. Ostlund runs from behind him into the box and Akerlund finds him with a lovely deft pass. Ostlund goes for goal but it’s parried by Wessberg. Parried straight into the path of Dino “Saur” Mesic at the back post, who says “thank you very much” for the easiest goal he has surely scored. 1-0.

Kalmar’s Dani has been lively so far and he helps his team back into the game in the 35th minute. His blistering pace sees him past Nilsson on the right. With time to look up, he plays a beautiful ball into the path of Sauma. Surrounded by 3 Torns players, Sauma somehow manages to get above everyone else and nod the ball past Martensson.

2 set-pieces save the day for us in the end. Zetterstrom buys us a penalty after a foul in the box which Johansson cooly slots home from 12 yards. In the second half, Akerlund swings in a corner right onto Nilsson’s big fat forehead, who guides it home for 3-1.

2 big wins back to back sees us shoot up the table into 2nd place – just a few points off the top spot. I have one foot out of the flames now, determined to rise up. Look at me, Mum, i’m a fucking Phoenix.

Previous: Episode 21 – A Welcome Break

Next: Episode 23 – Svenska Cupen