Chapter 1

*Knock* *knock*

My mother seemed to be knocking on my door. Before she opened the door I quickly closed the giraffe porn tab – but it was too little too late

What my mother saw nearly made her faint:

It was a video of a giraffe raping a midget (everybody has a fetish). To make things worse, my hand was clasped around my neck.

'ALEX!!' she shouted, even though she knew I preferred the name Camel.

'Young lady, I will send you back to home country if you do not lose that boner'

'But mother-' I was interrupted by a slap in the head. This was just like that time in Afghanistan

'SHUT UP! I have a plan to fix this. We will block giraffe pornography on your computer'

She slammed the door – but not before ripping off pictures of necks from my wall. This was the worst birthday ever! #problems

I went to sleep crying that night. Just because I was different, doesn't mean I was odd.

#dickalicious

#swag