They just didn’t Twitter those jpegs to your Pinterest blogs with good enough email Facebooks

Republicans have thought long and hard and have figured out why they lost the election in 2012. Although you dumb bunnies may think that it was because of their desire to benefit the very rich at the expense of our nation’s most vulnerable or because of their egregious War on Women and War on Minorities, you would, of course, be wrong. The reason they lost, according the Republicans, is because you people just didn’t understand their message well enough.

Here’s Republican National Committee Chair Reince Preibus announcing the GOP’s new 50-state strategy:

We must compete in every state and every region, building relationships with communities we haven’t before. We must develop the best technology with the help of the best minds—and train activists, volunteers, and candidates with the modern tools of a modern party … We can stand by our timeless principles—and articulate them in ways that are modern … relevant to our time and relatable to the majority of voters. {…} And that, I believe, is how we’ll achieve a Republican renewal. That’s how we’ll grow. That’s how we’ll win … The good news is our principles are sound. We stand for opportunity and for liberty. Freedom is always a new idea—an ever-fresh, revolutionary idea … We can unite Americans around our values if we prove we can take them to a better place. So we must take our message to all voters and to every state.

See? The reason they got clobbered (again) is not because you thought the Republicans would continue to harm the economy, trample the poor and the elderly, and diminish women in our society. It’s that you didn’t realize they stand for opportunity and for liberty. Also, fresh freedom. Legitimate rape, slegitimate schlrape. You must have been too busy getting all your free Obama stuff to be paying attention, you takers.

Preibus isn’t the only one talking about this. Here’s failed Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan:

Paul Ryan said on Wednesday that he and presidential running mate Mitt Romney lost not because of ideas, but due to ineffective communication. Ending a self-imposed silence about the November election, 2012 Republican vice presidential nominee Ryan said Democratic President Barack Obama and Vice President Joe Biden also prevailed because they did a better job with “technology and (voter) turnout.” “We have to learn that,” said Ryan, chairman of the House of Representatives Budget Committee. “We have to fix that.”

See how dumb you guys are? Barack Obama and Joe Biden won because they LinkedIn to your YouTube tweets with faster Instagrams and twittered those jpegs to your Pinterest blogs with better email Facebooks. Or something. Anyway, it wasn’t the message, it was the medium that the GOP messed up. And, by the way, who let all those women and brown people vote, anyway?

Frankly, this is all music to my unabashedly liberal ears. If they think the solution is just more of the same only more so, have at it, kids. I’ll be there every step of the way to help you get out your message of higher taxes on the poor, tax breaks for the rich, destroying the social safety net, harming our senior citizens, and trampling the rights of women & minorities.

By the way, that 50-state strategy? That is SO 2005. Literally.

[Paul Ryan photo courtesy of Anne C. Savage, special to Eclectablog]