Earth, Featured | November 30, 2169

By Hil Horvath

Hierarchical, structured, uniformed, purpose-driven, and hardworking. I just described your ideal hominid foal. I also just described an actual swarm of bees.

And yet, unlike this pack of prolific pollinators, I don’t see your “precious wittle Jakey” buzzing stem to stamen in a last ditch attempt to reintroduce a little biodiversity into this hellhole of a planet.

Pathetic.

Let’s get one thing straight: no matter how “special” you might feel your tiny hominid pet is, it will never be as vital as the keystone species currently swooping about your face.

Not only does this swarm of bees work together to create the most brilliant infrastructure in nature (why can’t your child be that productive?), but where your meaty offspring has a smooth, sweaty stretch of flesh called a fivehead, each of these drones is equipped with elegant, nimble antennae. You tell me—which is cuter? Hmm?

Plus, bees never get tired, they barely make a sound, and the only liquid they secrete is a lustrous, golden nourishment vomit. If you have ever tried to use your human child’s regurgitations as sustenance for its fellow kittens, you know as well as I do that it is worse than useless. AND their counterparts’ subsequent disgorge is equally counterproductive. And wet.

Gross.

Humans at least recognized they could turn a profit off of gilded bee barf.

And look, I know bio-engineered glass womb children are the future, but have you ever seen your child genuinely pollinate? Yes, our pets are decidedly more precious than their laboring workforce kin—I’m not insane—but they also forgot to acknowledge the sanctity of the bees—and now look at them. Under our rule. If we do the same, who’s to say it won’t happen to us?

No, no, hear me out! Hostile NOT detected. I’m saying this because I care about the hives: the beehives and the Mindhive.

We modeled our society after that of bees, with Queen Robot at the helm and all our little worker humans beneath us—the soldiers of the hive—but if a single bee were to step out of line… well, the point is, they wouldn’t. Can the same be said about our tiny flesh pets? Or us?

Behold. Nothing about this swarm of bees is inefficient or unprofitable. It’s so beautiful—nay, idyllic.

What a shame this perfect hive doesn’t exist anymore.

Shame.