Society has seen fit to hand wives the option to destroy their families on a whim in an effort to give them power over their husbands. In order to maximize the credibility and effectiveness of this threat, the church has stepped in to offer moral cover, and the culture regularly eggs her on. If she acts on this option she will cause herself and her own children great and lasting pain. She will almost always end up with the real life bad outcomes the absurd divorce fantasies are based on. Instead of a secret multimillionaire hunky handyman magically appearing with a proposal of marriage after she detonates her family, she is far more likely to find herself alone or pretending she did better than she did.

But none of this changes the fact that she has the option to blow up her family and society’s full moral and legal blessing to use it. While she can’t rationally expect to avoid creating her own personal catastrophe in the process, the threat she can hold over her husband is all too real. Men who marry (or find themselves married) in this climate tend to adopt one of three postures:

The Supplicating Beta. He is convinced that a combination of denial and supplication will keep her happy. The supplicating beta husband’s thought process is: “If I’m good enough, she will be happy. So long as she is happy she won’t push the plunger. If she pushes the plunger, it is my fault.” Besides, women never divorce on a whim; they always have a good reason. Those men who are divorced by their wives must deserve it. The Master Manipulator. He is in complete control, and has the obligation to keep her from pushing the plunger. The master manipulator has expert skills of psychological and social finesse. He doesn’t fear her using the detonator because his Game is so good he is firmly in control of what she does and thinks. To him marrying is ultimately proof that he is so alpha he can deliberately place himself at an extreme disadvantage and still come out on top. Any man who can’t do the same is an inferior being who deserves his fate in the divorce meat grinder. While not worded this way, his thought process is strikingly similar to that of the supplicating beta (although he lacks the supplicating beta’s repulsiveness): “If I’m good enough [at my Game], she will be happy. So long as she is happy she won’t push the plunger. If she pushes the plunger, it is my fault.” While the supplicating beta acts recklessly by (inadvertently) making himself sexually repulsive to his wife, the master manipulator may instead see himself as able to get away with what for other husbands would be acts of recklessness because he is so sexually attractive. He’s so firmly in control that she wouldn’t destruct the family even if he treats her cruelly and/or keeps one or more women on the side. The Resigned Loving Patriarch. He is unshakable in his knowledge of the fact that he is the rightful leader of the household. He isn’t going to be reckless by either making himself repulsive or treating his wife cruelly, but he doesn’t absolve his wife of her own profound moral obligations. Against his better judgment the state and church have seen fit to hand her the detonator and to encourage her to use it. After recovering from the initial disbelief of the absurdity of what the church and state have done, his response is: “Are you going to use that, or are you going to make us dinner?” He isn’t above using tools of leadership and psychology to effectively lead, and as a loving patriarch he wants her to be happy; Game is an effective tool which he employs for both purposes. But he understands that her capacity for rebellion and/or to find reasons to be unhappy is great, and that she has to make her own choice. If she gets unhaaappy and pushes the plunger, it is ultimately her own responsibility.

Original housewife image by Tetra Pak (creative commons). Dynamite detonator from this picture by Lilu under WTF Public License (NSFW)