Be it an ex or just an old fling, someone from the past finding your adult profiles can be stressful to navigate. I recently experienced this and would like to share how I handled the situation.

I always look at the names of those that add my public Snapchat and one day I noticed a familiar name pop up on that list. At first, I didn’t think too much of it as both his first and last names are common. I figured it was just a weird coincidence. However, when I noticed a second familiar name add me and at the same moment my phone dinged with a message from the first guy, I panicked. I blocked him, deleted everything that was on my story, and changed it to the “only me” setting on top of that. My first thought was that my sex work accounts somehow mixed in with my personal accounts and it was stressing me out! I read the message and it said, “Hey Emma, feeling a little shy?” At this point, my heart is racing. This was my first time dealing with anything like this and I wanted to come off as calm as I could so I said, “I don’t mind that you know but how did you find me?” From there I found out they both followed a Snapchat account I had recently taken over.

Now I am totally fine with both following me and knowing in general, but getting to this point took getting over a lot of stress and anxiety. In my opinion, exes or past flings finding my adult profiles is a totally different experience than a family member or friend finding them would be. In my case, I had been in a somewhat awkward sexual relationship a few years ago with this person. Them finding me being so open with my sexuality and expressing interest in kinks that they might not have even known was uncomfortable and brought back some of the awkward memories of quiet, lights off, dorm room sexual experiences.

I have three tips for anyone that may find themselves in a similar situation:

Do not make them think it’s a big deal. This is especially important if they have contact with family members or anybody else that you may not want to know about your sex work. Try to play it off like, “oh yeah, this is something I do now” rather than “oh no, this is a secret so please don’t tell anyone.” Depending on your current relationship with this person, they could feel like they have something they can hold over you which is never a good situation to be in. Do not give them free content. If they blatantly ask for free content let them know that is not something you’re comfortable with and maybe direct them to any current promo codes or sales you may be having. If they seem to be alluding to it or asking a lot about a video or service mention the price and where they can find it. Stand your ground and do not let them guilt you into feeling like you owe them anything. You might also want to prepare yourself for them to be another empty promise if they start talking about how they're going to buy this or that "when they get paid" or any similar statement we hear every day as sex workers. Do ask how they found your profile. Again, don’t make this out to be a big deal. Try wording it like “I always like knowing how new people find my work, so how did you?” If you’re private about your sex work, this can help you find any privacy issues that may be happening. Knowing where they found you could help you tighten your security on certain accounts or decide what promotion tactics you want to continue using.

This is just a little insight on how I personally dealt with this situation. Situations like this will vary in significance to each of us depending on how open we are about what we do. For some, this wouldn’t be a big deal whatsoever and I applaud that! However, for some of us, this would be a nightmare. Hopefully, my tips can help if you ever find yourself experiencing the same thing. On the plus side, if this person is still into you and you’re comfortable with it they could become your biggest fan and supporter!

Have you ever been in a similar situation? If so, what did you do? If no, how would you handle it?

littleshyemma



