I know what’s best for you! Conform or get the hell outta here!

Traitorous Critic Logical Fallacy

I’m sure you’ve run into the argument “Love it, or leave it!” at some point. This isn’t unique to Mormonism, it’s a common false dichotomy logical fallacy used frequently by anyone who feels their belief is being threatened. You have two choices and those are clearly the only valid choices. If you choose the one I disagree with, then you’re wrong and not welcome. It’s also called a Traitorous Critic fallacy and can be used as an ad hominem attack. “If you don’t want to be like us, you’re a traitor and should leave.”

This argument tends to come up when a criticism of an institution or a belief of its followers is raised. For example, “If you hate capitalism so much, move to Russia!” Tens of thousands of people die every year from lack of affordable access to healthcare in the United States, but don’t you dare criticize lack of insurance coverage in employer-sponsored plans, increasing premium costs, or the greed of the insurance and pharmaceutical companies. No matter how valid the critique of capitalism may be, your criticism is invalid because clearly you’re a socialist. If you’re a socialist then you’re a traitor to America, its values, those who fought and died to protect its institutions, so GTFO free-loader. The person relying on this fallacy is rejecting the argument not based on any information given, but based on their assumption of who the person is and what their intention is for having raised criticism. Again, regardless of the validity of the criticism, it is rejected based on assumptions of the person and not their argument.

Love every single aspect of the country including the unsavory racist, homophobic, xenophobic, sexist, nationalist aspects, or LEAVE

If you live in Utah and follow any local news on social media you’ll see arguments like, “If you don’t like Utah’s liquor laws, then move to Nevada!” or “If you don’t like our theocratic legislature who votes based on how the Mormon Church lobbyists dictate, then move to California!” or “If you don’t like the Mormon church, don’t be a Mormon!” and finally, “If you don’t like the Honor Code, don’t go to BYU.”

Now, imagine if you will, a scenario where a student chooses to attend BYU for any other reason than because they love strict archaic rules based on church doctrine formed from a 19th century puritanical worldview, and the doctrine has evolved ever so slowly over time from immense social pressure but remains stubbornly intact by a group of hateful octogenarians who long for the good old days when Blacks were denied the priesthood and women were regarded only as baby-making machines. I know I’m asking a lot of you right now, but bare with me.

Why Would ANYONE Go To BYU Knowing They Have tHe hOnoR cODe?

I went to BYU for one whole semester and nearly every I knew was breaking or bending the Honor Code in one way or another. The Elder’s Quorum President made out with the Relief Society President every night inside the stairwell of the girl’s dorms in Heritage Halls after curfew. It was pretty common knowledge in the ward not to use that stairwell after the RA made her rounds and performed her nightly lockdown, because you might slip in saliva, smack them with the door, step on them, or not be able to squeeze past them. But no one ever reported them. I knew people who went into bedrooms with the opposite sex, even some that slept over but “didn’t do anything”. I have also heard some say they never had seen or smelled marijuana in their life until they got to BYU. I stayed out until 3:00AM or 4:00AM on a fairly regular basis, as did most freshman. Everyone who goes there knows there are certain rules enforced and others not, but only if you get caught or reported. Often times, the only time someone gets reported for something is when a vindictive roommate takes upon themselves the wrath of a just God for some other slight they feel deserves punishment in the here and now, and not at the Great Reckoning.

I knew people who wanted to attend BYU their entire lives. I knew people attending BYU who absolutely hated everything about it and treated the Honor Code like a Blackout Bingo card. I knew U of U fans at BYU who wore their Ute gear proudly and in defiance of everyone. And yet there was some reason they were there going to class every day that wasn’t because they had a testimony of God’s plan for them to go to BYU and abide strictly by the Honor Code. Can we just pause for a second and consider that there might be other reasons someone would choose to get a degree from BYU that’s not motivated by a desire to be the bestest Mormon that ever Mormoned in Provo or Rexburg?

I know of LOTS of students whose parents told them that if they attended BYU they would pay their way through school. Tuition, books, fees, room and board, sportsball ticket season passes, dates, a car, anything their little Mormon heart desired. But, if they chose to go somewhere else like that heathen cesspool called the University of Utah or that party school Utah State, they’d be on their own. Oh, and good luck affording out-of-state tuition if you care so little about the tender feelings of your parents and leave their loving home to explore the Telestial Kingdom that exists outside of Zion. Given the cost of tuition these days, anyone passing up on that generous offer for debt-free higher education has to have saved up tens of thousands of dollars in their short 18 years to afford school or go into massive student loan debt, because working two or three jobs and going to college full-time is not possible in 2020.

If you had severe anxiety or depression and all your friends went to BYU and you wanted to be somewhere you felt safe and had a support system, do you think you might choose to attend a school you don’t like?

If you were raised in a Mormon house where your parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, your siblings, all your cousins graduated from BYU, and every sportsball game is a religious rite for your family: do you think that possibly you will cause unnecessary hurt and problems within your family by not attending BYU? As a teenager, will you have the strength to drive a rift through your family when you don’t even know who you are and what’s important to you yet?

If you are an 18 year old who still relies on support from your BYU alumni parents because you’ve never lived alone before and been truly independent, and you know they won’t accept you or offer to help you if you come out as gay or transgender to them, do you think you would tell them you won’t attend BYU?

What if you’re a closeted doubter who is not ready to break you parents’ heart by telling them you no longer believe in the Mormon religion that their proud pioneer heritage gave you, but they’ve agreed to help pay for your BYU education?

What if you’re a follower of the faith in every way, but during your junior year at BYU you experience a faith crisis and now no longer believe. When you’re a year away from graduating, do you throw away all your progress by transferring to another university where you’ll have to repeat classes or take additional classes to fulfill the graduation requirements of a new school?

Is it possible to not agree with something and participate in it?

I don’t agree with every decision my boss makes at work, but I have a family to feed, bills to pay, financial goals to achieve. If I just quit and walk out without a job offer elsewhere, how will I fulfill my obligations and commitment to my family?

Is it possible to live in a country and disagree with the direction it is heading without having to abandon everything you’ve ever known your whole life, spend time and money to obtain a work visa, move your family and whatever you can afford to take with you to a new country, learn a new language, and navigate employment laws in a foreign land?

Is it possible to fulfill some spiritual need, gain personal insight, or be part of a community, and still disagree with fundamental aspects of a religion? Could there possibly be other factors that motivate a person to do something? Or does everything have to be framed from a perspective of what is right and wrong for you should be right and wrong for everyone else?

It’s easy for someone who has left Mormonism to look at a young gay or transgender man or woman struggling with their identity, faith, or self-acceptance at BYU and decide “What is best for them is to quit school, come out, move out of state when they’re rejected by their family and community, move on with their life, and somehow magically just be happy.” That is much easier said than done. That’s ignoring all the personal pain and suffering that person will go through, and ultimately, it’s not up to you. It’s their choice, their life, and they’re figuring it out one day at a time just like you. They may perceive your solution as being more painful in that moment than being in the closet. If they haven’t come out yet to everyone, don’t you think they just might have a reason for that? Don’t you think they should make that decision if and when they are comfortable to make it?

What could be more Christlike than saying, “Conform to my expectations or you’re not welcome here”?

“Love it or leave it” is an incredibly selfish argument. If you’re not for us, you’re against us. If you don’t like it, then shut up or leave. That perspective is unwelcome here. What an ignorant, condescending, hateful, self-serving argument to make.

Is it so wrong to want to improve the community you are currently in whether your participation is due to wholehearted acceptance of its conditions, or due to coercive pressures from your upbringing? Many people now celebrate the Civil Rights Movement and life of Martin Luther King Jr. for the progress in American society. But if you read history his movement was not widely accepted at the time, even in many Black communities that would have preferred not to shine a light on their abuse because it inspired more abusers. They didn’t like the treatment they received, but feared kicking against the oppressive system would create more oppression. In many ways they were right in the short-term. In the long-term however, great progress has been made. Sadly, race relations are still far from perfect in the United States. But during the movement there were disagreements between people about how to enact the change that was wanted.

What a complicated issue it is! So many different facets to the issues, and so many pros and cons to the solutions presented to improve race relations. You can understand how offensive it would be then to tell a Black American, “If you don’t like the racist judicial system, go back to Africa!” So why is it so acceptable in our society to say the same thing based on political views, religious views, differences of opinion in the workplace, or in the home itself. Can we disagree without insulting each other or pretending to know what is best for someone else when their life experience is so drastically different than our own?

If you disagree with my blog post, that’s fine. You can disagree. But ask yourself why you disagree. Is it because I’m clearly an anti-Mormon who was deceived by Satan so I don’t have the spirit as my companion to guide me in right and wrong? Is it because I’m in my 30’s so I don’t have enough life experience to know whether empathy can or should be used in relation to others? Is it because you’re straight and never had to feel unwelcome in your family or community when you date someone you love? Is it because you are firm in your faith and have never experienced the pain of a faith or existential crisis? Is it because you believe that your religion is the only true and correct religion on the face of the earth and will do whatever your leaders say because you believe they speak for God and anyone else is wrong or deceived? If you can answer yes to any of those questions, or similar questions that are not based on the material facts or arguments that I’ve presented here, it just might be because of an affirmation bias.

I share this in the name of empathy, understanding, and human decency, amen.

Jake Garrett