As a graduate of a small Methodist university, Sessions is presumably well-acquainted with the Bible's so-called Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Yeah, right. If Jeff Sessions, the attorney general, were investigating Jeff Sessions, criminal suspect, for lying to the federal government, he'd surely bust that bad dude on the toughest possible rap — felony perjury — and go after the maximum penalty, which is five years in prison plus fines. And before his case even went to trial, Sessions and his lawmen would try to seize all the cash they'd claim he'd earned illegally by lying to become attorney general, and maybe they'd even take the car he drove to the Senate hearing for good measure.