This one’s as easy as bouncing a rent check.

Trolling for spare change, the city wants to pick your brain. On its Web site, the government asks you, the coupon-cutting, debt-ravaged, tax-extorted citizen, to answer a question to which bumbling bureaucrats don’t really want the answer:

What can the City of New York do to save money?

Well, since you asked . . .

Did you know that you, the taxpayer, are feeding and paying the bloated pensions for workers employed in a veritable alphabet soup of agencies? The list is so long, it fills 11 full pages on the city’s Web site!

And no one can say exactly what many of them do.

No sane human would begrudge the city its Police or Fire departments. But did you know your taxes fuel both a mammoth Department of Design and Construction (1,100 employees) — and a teeny, mysterious Design Commission?

The Department of Design sketches things like police station houses and manages their construction, said spokesman Matthew Monahan. The Design Commission? No one really knows.

“It exists on the third floor of City Hall with a handful of employees,” said an amused city source. Its job, evidently, is to make sure the new station houses are pretty.

The Department of Environmental Protection is a mammoth agency (5,800 employees) that makes sure your drinking water is clean and poison-free, said spokesman Farrell Sklerov. But a mention of the similarly named Office of Environmental Coordination drew an involuntary giggle from a source.

Evidently, the fine folks, who wouldn’t speak to me, “coordinate” — whatever that means — the “greening” of buildings and planting of trees, among other tricks.

Why not combine the Commission on Women’s Issues — which improves gals’ “personal and professional lives” — and the new office of the Daddy Czar, whose $90,000-a-year commissioner aims to cajole deadbeats into paying child support? Build a ring. Let each side duke it out.

There’s a Latin Media and Entertainment Commission, which lures supposedly lucrative Hispanic media outlets, but no agency to promote media and entertainment created by blacks, Asians, Inuits or whites.

And, if the Mayor’s Office of Special Enforcement is to “address quality-of-life issues” like strip bars, then why is there also a Community Assistance Unit, which works with neighborhood groups “to improve the quality of life?”

And my favorite, the Department of Citywide Administrative Services.

Workers for that agency don’t hire or promote anyone, don’t build anything, or as much as hand a sheet of loose-leaf paper to kids seeking homework help. These folks “coordinate” — again, whatever that means.

“They provide a lot of the human resources,” said a city source. Like people? I asked. Well, no.

The agency “works to ensure that city agencies have the critical resources and support needed to provide the best possible services to the public.” Mmm-kay.

Here’s how to save a bundle. I offer this advice free of charge:

1. Take a red pencil. 2. Draw a line halfway down a list of city employees. 3. Fire everyone whose name falls below the line.

I guarantee no one will notice.

PAIN ‘RELIEF’!

What if multimillionaires were unionized? I hate to break this to you, but some are.

Mets closer and accused papa beater Francisco Rodriguez (above) busted up his pitching hand while allegedly whooping the tar out of his kids’ granddad. But the players union took on his case. Now, the Mets have agreed to keep the head case, making him forfeit $3.1 million. No sweat. Next year, Rodriguez hauls in a cool $11.5 million off the backs of fans.

The team has a chance to trade Rodriguez away this winter. Please do. It’s painful to be a Mets fan. Now I know why.

Mosque man silent on Sudan

The head of the mosque to be built near Ground Zero has been called a spiritual healer and a rank opportunist. But racist?

That’s the view of Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf held by Francis Bok, a Catholic sold into a decade of slavery in the African nation of Sudan at age 7 by Islamic jihadists, who control the country. He escaped.

Bok, 31, was outraged by the words of friendship and appeasement Rauf has lobbed at Sudan’s genocidal government.

“Why does he never tell the truth about things happening in Sudan?” asked Bok. “About the Islamic and Muslim regime killing my people? Why is he covering that up?”

Rauf has been sent by the US State Department to visit foreign hellholes with messages of peace. Take his word with a shaker of salt.



No great debate

What a freak show.

Slouching Andy Cuomo looked mortified to be sitting amid such a collection of jokers. Tongue-tied Carl Paladino declared that California’s Medicaid taxes are “100 percent lower than us” — which means Californians pay nothing.

For my money, these are the victors of Monday night’s gubernatorial debate. Pick your category.

Style: Jimmy McMillan, of The Rent is Too Damn High Party, wears a twisted mustache, beard parted like the Red Sea, and black evening gloves, and boasts superhuman hearing. (“Listen, some child’s stomach is growling. Did you hear it?”) But his $800-a-month rent is pretty damn low. He told one reporter that he pays squat.

Substance: Someone had to read Cuomo’s book “Crossroads: The Future of American Politics” — nerdy Libertarian candidate Warren Redlich. He said Cuomo wrote that the way to save money was to spend money on a commission authorized to find ways to save money. Whoops. I like this guy.

Cleavage and Botox: Eliot Spitzer’s madam, Kristin Davis, has a brain. Seriously. But I got distracted from her banter, wondering how she keeps all working body parts in upright and locked positions.

Until November.

Sleazy-going school creeps

In a school system that appoints hookers and strippers as teachers for life, it makes sense that a few educators thought it would be cool to make sexual advances to kids on the Internet.

But three who used Facebook as a portal to minors’ hearts and other parts have been canned — including a creepy Bronx teacher who tried to score by sending flowers and candy and calling a girl “sexy.” Plus, a paraprofessional who posted a photo of herself canoodling with an ex-student. Losers!

Try prostitution, teachers. Your union will fight for you. Your school can’t touch you. And you’ll get paid.