As long as people have had children, parents have had parental guilt.

Psychologist Warren Cann says parents are "particularly vulnerable" to the feeling because when it comes to raising children "the stakes are so high".

"Guilt comes out of a sense of we've done something wrong by somebody we love, or by our own standards, or principles, or morals," says Mr Cann, the director of the Raising Children Network.

While guilt can sometimes be helpful to signal that something isn't quite right, it can be problematic when it becomes excessive, or turns to shame.

Sorry, this audio has expired Are the pressures of modern life raising parental guilt to unhealthy levels?

Mother-of-two Melanie Dimmitt is familiar with feeling guilty.

Her first child, Arlo, was "rescued" with an emergency caesarean. He got brain damage as a result, and six months later was diagnosed with cerebral palsy.

Ms Dimmitt says "there's plenty of opportunity for guilt" after "failing to properly grow and birth a baby". But she also knows how to overcome it.

Here, Ms Dimmett and Mr Cann share their tips for letting go of who you 'should' be.

'A pretty judging world'

Experts say when it comes to being a parent, it's natural to feel a little unsure of yourself. ( Getty: Catherine Falls Commercial )

Before we start tackling parental guilt, it's good to understand where it comes from.

Mr Cann, who is also the head of the not-for-profit Parenting Research Centre, says it's a very normal feeling, that happens "because we love our children so much" and want the best for them.

We may worry that we're not doing enough for our child, feel responsible for things that are outside of our control, or feel pressured to parent in a certain way.

"I think also as a society we put a fair bit of pressure on parents. We live in a pretty judging world," Mr Cann adds.

"It's pretty hard to keep guilt off the radar."

Psychologist Warren Cann says it's important parents remember to look after themselves, too. ( Supplied: Raising Children Network )

We may also feel we're falling short compared to others. But Mr Cann says even though you might believe others around you have "got it nailed" — they don't.

Just like you, they are on a "very steep learning journey".

"And learning inevitably involves making mistakes and learning on the job," Mr Cann says.

"I think it's natural to feel slightly unsure about what we're doing and that's because our children are developing such a fast rate.

"It's natural to feel a little unsure, a little uncertain under those circumstances."

Stay in your lane

Just as you shouldn't compare yourself to other parents, comparing your child with others can fuel guilty feelings.

Ms Dimmitt, who spoke to many parents while writing a book about raising a child with a disability, says a lot of her advice is "about staying in your lane".

"And trying really hard not to compare your child to other children — which is hard in a world that is designed around milestones," she says.

Melanie Dimmitt says she feels her actions and love for her children are more important than any guilty thoughts. ( Supplied )

She has felt guilty about some of her thoughts about being a parent to her son.

"Sometimes I catch myself thinking, 'Oh God, you know, life would have a lot easier if Arlo had been typically developing'," she explains.

Ms Dimmitt also has a daughter, and admits sometimes she compares the two and thinks how "everything just happens so easily for her".

She says she talks to a therapist about these thoughts and learnt that her actions are more important than her thoughts.

"All that really matters is my actions, what I'm doing," she says.

"I'm showing up for these kids as best I can every day and loving them.

"Those thoughts come and go but the love, and getting through the days and doing what they need, that's what's really important."

Find people to guide and talk to

Ms Dimmitt has surrounded her family with experts to guide them about what Arlo needs. He sees a physiotherapist, occupational therapist and speech therapist.

"We're given a hell of a lot of homework to do at home with him," she says.

"So, we're pretty constantly feeling guilty for not doing enough with him at home. When we're just having fun with him we're thinking, 'Oh, should we be practicing his four-point-kneel or getting him to do this or that?"

She says many parents do a lot of research and feel it gives them "some control".

"I like to stay away from Google as much as I can and try and stay in the moment. That's what works for me," she says.

Ms Dimmitt also recommends talking to other parents; something she did a lot of for her book Special: antidotes to the obsessions that come with a child's disability.

Though opening up to others can be hard at first, she says "is the absolute best thing you can do".

Be kind to yourself

Mr Cann says it's also important to look after yourself: being a parent is a demanding job.

"Somehow our society has made self-care for parents equivalent to self-indulgence and it's ludicrous," he says.

"So, whilst parenting can bring great joy, it is tough, and it draws on all of our resources and if we're not replenishing those resources eventually we'll pay the cost of that."

He likens skipping self-care to not filling the petrol tank of your car — at some point you'll grind to a halt.

"We need to reframe self-care, it's essential for effective parenting," he says.

And if you're feeling bad after the day care drop-off, don't.

"[It's] the quality of the time we spend with kids that matters, not necessarily the quantity of time," Mr Cann says.

"The idea that we have to be 24/7 available to our children is just an unrealistic standard and just has never worked in history."

Mr Cann suggests being a little kinder to yourself.

"Think about how much you love your child," he says.

"Apply a little bit of that love to yourself and learn to be a little kinder to yourself."

Ms Dimmitt likes the quote that "parenting is a dance led by the children".

"It has just been so liberating to throw out the book," she says.

"Let's let [Arlo] take the lead and give him every opportunity we can to reach his potential along the way."