Is Sarah Palin planning a 2016 presidential run? Who cares! (Although: no, definitely not.) The question is, at this point, secondary to the more pressing matter of whether America is in dire need of a new news cycle. And so, it is only fitting that America’s greatest national distraction has, like its national parks, reopened for business.

Sarah Palin is heading to Iowa! “Cue the 2016 speculation,” Time.com reports. Did you know that “Iowa” is not actually a physical place but simply a metaphor that means “thinking about running for president”? Barack Obama “went to Iowa” in 2007; Mitt Romney “went to Iowa” a few years after that; Palin never really “went to Iowa” back in 2008 because she was a mere unsuccessful vice-presidential candidate. According to Time.com, the failed reality-television star “will join Utah Senator Mike Lee and conservative activist Phyllis Schafly at an Iowa Faith & Freedom Coalition banquet on November 9.” Scandalously, it is Lee who “still has top billing as the keynote speaker,” the Des Moines Register reports. That is, if he bothers to show up.

Like everything Palin does, what initially appears to be an interest in public service is, at heart, an act of rapacious self-promotion. The Register notes that Palin has a new book coming out three days after the banquet. The book is called Good Tidings and Great Joy: Protecting the Heart of Christmas, and it is a cynical, doubtlessly ghost-written piece of garbage that needlessly argues for “bringing back the freedom to express the Christian values of the season” and “preserving Jesus Christ in Christmas—in public displays, school concerts, pageants, and our expressions to one another other.” Classically, Palin also “laments” the “over-commercialization” of the holiday. What about over-commercialization of Christmas does she hate specifically? You’ll have to buy Good Tidings and Great Joy, available November 12 from Broadside Books, to find out.

Related:The War on Christmas comic.