BLOOMINGTON, IN—Hoping the detour would ensure he never so much as exchanged one word with that prick from accounting, Peak Industries employee Brian Dahl hastily changed his trip to the kitchen into a trip to the bathroom in order to avoid a despised coworker, sources confirmed Monday. “Oh, shit, it’s Alex—okay, I’ll just head to the bathroom real quick and wash my hands for a minute or two,” the 35-year-old project manager reportedly said to himself after catching sight of his hated colleague making tea, prompting him to swiftly alter his course and veer toward the men’s room door. “If he’s still there when I get out, then the question becomes whether I try to slip by him long enough to grab my lunch out of the fridge or swing by Katie’s cubicle to chat with her until I’m sure he’s gone. Or maybe I just go back to my desk and start the kitchen thing over from scratch in 10 minutes.” At press time, Dahl was angrily washing his hands while his obnoxious supervisor talked to him from a nearby urinal.

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