On taking offense

As we’ve been reminded during the past few weeks, an easy dismissal of critiques of oppressive language and culture is to suggest the critic is choosing to ‘take offense.’ Whether it’s the apologists for a rape culture comedian or the defense of a cis actor for her transmisogyny, ‘offense’ is an easy label to erase otherwise genuine complaints. At its extreme it is that most noxious of well-poisoners, ‘Political Correctness,’ which through sheer volume and repetition has become an acceptable rhetorical tactic for many. It urges on those with similar privileges to sign onto the dismissal while it attempts to silence all others.

I find it incredibly frustrating arguing ideas with people who engage in cheap rhetorical tricks instead of having a discussion (which is why I generally steer clear of conversations with trans-eradicationist radical feminists and creationists, among others). It is frustrating, too, when those making critiques are portrayed as being too emotionally sensitive, with the implication they lack the self-will to rise above a few harmless words. Whether considered an innate condition (as with gender or race), or as an example of broken norms (as with queer or trans), the assertion of sensitivity is inevitably an extension of privileged positions.

I don’t ‘take offense’ like I experience emotional pain, and there is nothing about me being a trans woman that makes me more susceptible to it. Sure, I might feel a great deal of emotional pain if someone I am invested in acts in ways which are offensive to trans women, but that pain isn’t the content – it’s the betrayal which hurts. But ‘offense’ in and of itself? People will sometimes try to be clever and bring up the “sticks and stones” rhyme, and I agree with them completely. Names do not hurt me.

What I am doing, then, when I ‘take offense,’ is acknowledging your encroachment into territory which subjugates me and people like me to people like you. It is that simple. It is acknowledgement of your role in the system of oppression. It might not be intentional, or malicious, and you probably aren’t even aware of it, but your joke, your word, the lie you’ve been sold about my life, each one props up a system of oppression which has real world implications. When your actions or language assert that dominance I will speak up. And if you do engage in it intentionally, you don’t cause me harm – you don’t do anything to me except get on my radar. So, instead of being passive and sensitive, as the person calling out offense will always be painted, I am instead active in my response to my oppression. I am not taking offense – I am pushing back.