(Picture: Liberty Antonia Sadler for Metro.co.uk)

I’m not the best at picking the right men.

Ok fine, I’m the worst.

Ask my friends, seriously. They have to pretty much stage an intervention when I start dating someone because I tend to overlook the red flags that would send anyone else running.

I don’t know whether it’s because I try to see the good in people, whether I’m just a bit naive, or whether the magnetic pull of a f***boy is just too strong.


I’ve dated guys who make continuous jokes about texting other women (spoiler: they weren’t really jokes), men who have told me I should dress sexier, and men who have made rape jokes.



I’d love to tell you I binned them the second these red flags occurred, but I didn’t.

I brushed them under the carpet because I was sure they were decent guys and, hey, we all say weird things at times, right?

Back in the dating game this time around, I’m determined to not only notice the red flags when they come up but to act on them.

Essentially, stop making bad choices.

So after extensive research (Twitter) and from my terrible life choices, here’s a non-exhaustive list.

1.They’re weird about their phone

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

We’re all allowed privacy, but if he’s constantly hiding his phone, several unexplained women are snapchatting him and he changes his passcode every five minutes he is up to no good. I learnt this the hard way.

2. They’re constantly making ‘jokes’ about your appearance/your life

‘It’s just a joke, chill out,’ he laughs as he makes yet *another* hilarious quip at your dress sense, your career, or the way you do your makeup.

This guy does not like you for who you are and is trying to mould you into something you’re not.

3. They take excessive numbers of gym selfies

This guy will always love the gym more than you. Next!

4. Doesn’t like dogs

I mean, I wouldn’t avoid someone for this but I would be suspicious.

5. Is married/not actually divorced yet

Roll him up, pop him in a bottle and wing him into the ocean

6. When they tell you you’re ‘not like other girls’

‘Men who waste time telling me what they’re NOT into and constantly trying to reassure me that I’m “not like other girls”,’ says Sarah-Louise. ‘I am. And I love it.’

7. Emoji

Ok, I’ll say it. I’m pro-emoji. It’s hard to fully get the tone of a message without emoji.

But when I put this to Twitter, the number of times emoji use came up meant I had to include it. Generally speaking people aren’t a fan of the monkeys (I don’t get it either) or this guy.

This guy looks like he’d be really obnoxious at parties and continuously tell you to ‘cheer up’, even though you’re perfectly cheery.

8. Doesn’t have kind eyes

So, all of my friends think I’m weird because of this but hear me out.

My exes that have had kind eyes have been kind, the ones with slightly dead eyes have not. It’s not based in anything scientific or rational but it’s 100% accurate, I’m telling you.



See Paul Rudd and John Krasinski for further information.

9. Claims ‘all of their exes are crazy’

Come on now sweet, there’s one very obvious common denominator here.

10. Doesn’t want you to meet friends or family

After a bit of time has passed you naturally want to start integrating into each others’ lives.

It should be an exciting venture, because you can’t wait to parade your new bae around. If it’s something your boo is specifically avoiding, there’s a deeper issue going on.

11. Makes jokes about things that make you feel uncomfortable

When I was play-fighting with an ex, I jokingly said ‘watch yourself, look at my guns’, to which he replied ‘Yeah, well, I could still f*cking rape you.’

I’d love to tell you I broke up with him on the spot, but I didn’t. Please learn from my mistakes.

12. Is still best friends with their ex

No one needs to be best buds with their ex. Be civil, treat each other with respect (if you can) but your relationship is now done. Make some new friends.

13. Doesn’t prioritise you in the early stages

When you first start seeing someone, you should *want* to spend all your time with that person. You should both be floating around in a ridiculous cloud of flirty texts, lost weekends and general cuteness.

If they act like it’s a chore to see you at this point, they’ll definitely think it’s a chore when the honeymoon period is over.

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