The gaming world was set alight today after Infinity Ward, the development team behind the popular Call of Duty gaming series, announced that patch #489 will include a new 'super awesome' in-game feature that will indefinitely put an end to the culture of cheating that has plagued their newest game since its long-awaited release. In a bid to glean some more information, we contacted



"I've been working for the safety of children for twenty five years now, and what do I get back in return? A nuke up the ass! Yea, that's right - I get nuked by some little cunt who was boosting with his friends. I was two kills away from a chopper gunner and this little shit nukes my fucking balls off. I'll say this loudly and clearly; anybody that is caught boosting or glitching is fair game for a beating in my eyes. The little fucks."

"This might surprise some, but President Obama is a huge Call of Duty fan. He even has the Fall camouflage on his ACR. Nothing annoys the President more than glitchers. The other night him and Gordon Brown were playing domination in Kirachi, when a guy on the opposite team called xXx-SxYbOyNoScOpeZ-xXx started glitching, costing Barack and Gordon the match. Nothing is more important to Obama than his Win-Loss ratio. The next day Obama was in such a foul mood that he decided to send more troops into Afghanistan and was literally seconds away from invading Iran. All of this online cheating really does have a negative effect on the world of international politics. For instance, it is common knowledge that Bush invaded Iraq, not because of WMDs or oil, but because Saddam and his sons would simply not stop camping."

When asked about the legal implications of having such a feature, Bowling replied that every lawmaker and judge he has contacted about the tool have all shown their complete support. One judge, who can't be named for legal reasons, even went so far as to say that he'll have his golf shoes sharpened and ready for the day the patch is released.We decided to contact George Hammertoes over at the IPC (International Protection for Children) and ask him for his opinion on the matter:Speaking to a source from inside the White House:We'll stay tuned to this story and provide you with updates about developments as they happen.