Since 1974, Vilas Hall has been the least favorite academic building of countless UW-Madison students- academic building by day, that is.

Turns out, Vilas Hall is a Transformer.

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Every night for the last thirty-eight years, the communications building and architectural nightmare has been leading a second life: as an alien robo-galactic vigilante. Whenever the Carillon Tower strikes midnight, Vilas Hall reassembles itself into battle mode, disappears into the deepest reaches of space for less than a millisecond, fights some other giant robots, and returns to Earth in time to look terrible to passersby.

Hailing from the distant planet of Brutalia, Vilas’ non-battle form resembles a communist bomb shelter by total coincidence.

“Back in ’74, when I crash landed here, I was like, ‘Damn. These college students are neat!’ So I just started chilling in Madison,” said Vilas in a rare interview for the Misnomer.

“And nobody ever sees me leave because of physics or space-time or some shit. I don’t know how it works. I just fight robots and make sure my heating systems only turn on in the summer.”

This discovery accounts for the building’s appallingly inconvenient design, which makes certain classrooms essentially inaccessible. Until now, nobody has understood why the fourth floor of Vilas looks like it was designed by a cognitively disabled monkey with a fuckton of concrete and a penchant for drilling holes in the sides of pillars.

Communication Arts major Alex Valdez, senior, said, “This explains everything! I’ve been spending fifty hours a week for the last three years inside Vilas, and I still don’t know where to go for any of my professors’ office hours.”

The Transformer claims that it doesn’t mind being used by UW and its students, though.

“I do have one request from the university,” said Vilas, “Would it hurt anyone to clean this damn chalk off of me sometime? What the hell is ‘Of Montreal’ and why is there still an ad for it on my ass?”

[Editor’s note: The chalk ads for “Of Montreal,” Angels and Demons, and the series premiere of Saved by the Bell: College Years will never be cleaned. Ever.]

When asked if being a Transformer also accounted for the Humanities building’s design, Vilas responded, “No. That’s just a stupid looking building. Don’t compare me to that bullshit. I’m, like, functional.”

For those readers wondering, yes, of course Vilas is a Decepticon. An Autobot would never do so much to hinder education.