‘I always felt valued and respected by my clients, and those I worked alongside.’ (Photo: Feeld)

Whenever I hear about sex work, it’s often through the prism of negativity. The current narrative ignores those that choose to do sex work and enjoy it.

People like me.

I did my first lap dance in 1999.

What initially seemed like a quick and simple way to fund student life soon became a legitimate career – one that lasted for 16 years.


Previously, I had viewed my femininity as a weakness or something that should be repressed.

In the strip club, it was my power; my source of creativity and a way to define my sexual agency.

Sure there were bad days — what job doesn’t have its ups and downs — but essentially my experience as a stripper was a positive one.



Pretty soon after starting the job, I realised that the way striptease is packaged and promoted by those that profit from it doesn’t reflect the reality of the job.

The poster imagery of naked female bodies displayed in submissive and sexual poses portrays workers as physical objects.

The truth is that although taking your clothes off is a part of the job, you also have to be an intuitive, emotionally intelligent creature that is able to listen, absorb, soothe and advise clients on the things they disclose in private.

It disappoints me that workers and those who use their services are so demonised, especially when sex work is such a widespread and integral part of society.

Often sex workers are respected confidantes, making sex work one of the most acceptable forms of therapy for stressed out professionals.

When I worked in this capacity I always felt valued and respected by my clients, and those I worked alongside.

I keep company with many different types of sex workers including hookers, cam girls and pro-dommes, and most agree that clients all want the same thing: a private space to express themselves honestly where someone else can be in control of their existence for a while.

I believe that this type of ‘recreation’ is vital for all people.

Many clients are struggling emotionally because they have lost loved ones, are going through relationship or work issues, or are having some kind of identity crisis and need a third-party perspective on life from someone they trust.

They want a space where they can be themselves and focus on their own needs without creating consequences in their personal or professional lives.

In contrast to the ancient stories of sexual ‘goddesses’, sex work today is often stripped of any emotional connection and reduced to a phallocentric and physical act that has become toxic and demonised as a result.

A little light research into the origin of prostitution suggests that sex workers traditionally performed a similar role.

Approximately 5000 years ago female sex workers occupied temples in Mesopotamia as ‘goddesses’, exhalted as spiritual healers and sacred sex therapists who were capable of healing the emotional and physical wounds of those who had suffered trauma.

Sexual service was seen as a divine and spiritual gift, and money exchanged hands freely in return for these services. Sex workers were cherished and respected. There are also accounts of male sex workers operating in the same capacity.



In contrast to the ancient stories of sexual ‘goddesses’, sex work today is often stripped of any emotional connection and reduced to a phallocentric and physical act that has become toxic and demonised as a result.

Often clients disrespect workers for choosing to do such reductive work, and workers disrespect clients for reducing them to a physical commodity.

Money is the only thing that underpins this kind of exchange, which in my experience encourages unhealthy behaviour and relationships.

The criminalisation of sex work further adds to this stigma and leaves workers and clients powerless to report mistreatment within the industry.

I fully support decriminalisation of the sex industry. For vulnerable workers who have no other choice of employment, decriminalisation could improve conditions and the level of support available. And for those of us who choose to do sex work, it would undoubtedly give us more rights, validate sex work as work, and afford us the respect we deserve.

Respect for a sex worker’s right to choose to do what they want with their body.

Respect for the clients and their sexual needs, plus the reasons behind those needs.

Respect for the bodies and minds of sex workers; for the emotional and physical labour required.

Respect for the rights of all sex workers and clients to have freedom of expression about their experiences without fear of reprisal or judgement.

Self respect for those that choose to offer or use sexual services.

I would love to see a more positive representation of sex work in the mainstream media. Unfortunately sex work experience is often used as a weapon against anyone in the public view.


Meghan Barton Hanson’s appearance on this year’s Love Island prompted a wave of ‘slut shaming’ because she previously worked as a stripper.

The default response to stories like this is to judge a woman on her sexual history and to paint her negatively because of it.

Lily Allen was also recently shamed for seeking out the services of female sex workers whilst on tour, citing loneliness as one of the reasons for her choice, when surely her honest response resonates with us all.

Thankfully communication via social media platforms is paving the way for new ideas about sex work to flourish. Social media has also enabled sex workers to unite and organise themselves in sex positive spaces where they can work alongside one another so that their voices can be heard.

Perhaps this will be the catalyst for a change in attitudes and most importantly a change in legislation.

It would be great to see sex work decriminalised and redefined as a worthy and respected profession, one that truly offers a valuable contribution to society.

Cathy Keen is the Community & Events Manager for Feeld, a dating platform for open minded couples and singles.

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