I am a 22 year old guy from the great state of Kansas (I don't live on a farm, and I don't know where Dorothy lives either), and this is the story of how a 17 year old gear head accidentally got his hands on an Audi S4 and how it has influenced (read: destroyed) my life.

I only joke, owning this piece of German engineering has allowed my father and I to bond over idiosyncrasies that only a German engineer would understand. It has also allowed me to truly appreciate what being a gearhead is all about (having the same sense of excitement as you put the key in the ignition and crank the car no matter what the occasion is)


But before this story begins, there has to be a little bit of background. Imagine being a 17 year old High School senior and all of its awkwardness. The only solace I found in these "amazing" years was reading about cars (on Jalopnik...not a plug I swear), and attempting to study. Growing up in an Indian household there are only a few select job opportunities one's parents will support, these include:

1. Doctor

2. Doctor

3. Doctor

4. Lawyer

5. Engineer

....

10^100. A Free Spirit


(...Note: This handsome mustachioed man is not my father...but looks pretty much the same)

Notice how Doctor seems to be in the top three? Luckily for my parents I was a strange breed of person and actually wanted to pursue a career in medicine. I was so sure of this career choice that I actually applied to a direct program from high school. My parents were quite enthusiastic of my choice in colleges, and were supremely overjoyed when I got acceptance into a six year B.A./M.D. program. As apart of my graduation present (apparently thats a thing...?) they insisted on buying me a new (read: used) car. This came as quite a surprise to me as my first and only car has been a 1987 Nissan Maxima (also fondly referred to as Big Bertha/Big Red in my group of friends). My father who is an Engineer by trade (Notice his career choice?) has had a soft spot for the 1985-1987 model year run of the Nissan Maxima. So much of a soft spot that he actually owned at one time three of them. (But the sales of those cars is a story for another time, and involves some strange times of the night and a roll of 20 dollar bills wrapped in a rubber band)


(This is an actual picture of Big Red)...notice that stoic front that says "Your probably going to die before I do"


Big Red and I had always had a pretty complicated relationship. This usually involved me wanting to get to school on a cold morning, and Big Red not being able to idle without stalling out. While Big Red will always be my first love (and still is ready for duty to this day), I really wanted something that had things like:

1. A 0-60 time that does not involve double digits prior to the decimal

2. An A/C that isn't just a Hobgoblin inside of my dash blowing air from behind the vents


3. A heater that isn't trying to kill me (Pretty sure there was an exhaust leak...)

4. A car whose description involved "sporty" and "handling" in non-1980's ways

...Seriously check out this 1980's advert

And so the hunt was on, come hell or high water I was going to find a way that I could get myself a true drivers car. Now prior to hours of pouring on Craigslist for a listing that would match my dream vehicle (within monetary reason) I had to make a few criterion:


1. Car had to be able to seat five (or 7.4 Indians)

2. Car had to have an Automatic trans (Parents Rules...if they are shellin' the cash then I gots to follow this one)


3. Car had to be able to haul at least 2 suitcases in the trunk and have room to fit my laundry basket (For home to dorm transport, and holiday laundry time)

4. Could not be a convertible, T-top, targa or any form of removable roof (Kansas winter's are brutal...I swear)


5. Had to be within 7,000 USD when finally negotiated.

6. Could not be RWD (Also a rule set by the parentals...something something something die in the winter)


7. Had to have under 100K miles (which I'm pretty sure is a myth...but I'll let Doug DeMuro handle that one)

8. Had to be reliable (as it would be a DD, prolly the only rule my parents and I agreed on...)


Hours of searching were yielding no results that I liked, and the cars I had wanted to see would either quickly sell or violate one of the eight rules. But one day as I was browsing the newly listed ads one of them caught my eye....


(This is the pic from the advert posted on CL...how can anyone say no to that face!)

I slowly glanced over the article, and to my amazement it was a 2000 Audi S4 that had 76K miles on the clock, second owner, full service records, and above all was an automatic...


A few quick phone calls and a couple of days later we are at the meet. My dad gives this car a solid once over from bumper to bumper. I should mention that my uncle also decided to accompany us, but to be honest he just came to "test drive" the car. Apparently owning a early 2000's MB S430 is enough qualifications to "know all about the German Cars" (Please read quote in thickest Indian accent you have at your disposal). Eventually a price was negotiated and some signatures were exchanged...and just like that I was the proud owner of a 10+ year old German Sports Sedan.

Driving this car home will probably be the pinnacle of my career as a gearhead, it was the pure excitement of finding my own car coupled with the constant wooshing of the Biturbo engine that has an almost intoxicating effect.


Two weeks of Ownership and a very familiar friend comes to check out the car...


Yep it's that damn Check Engine Light. My father and I go into full panic mode as we are cruising down the highway on a lazy Sunday afternoon, and we were pretty sure we just bought a lemon. Luckily my dad and I both prescribe to the idea that "If it ain't feel broke...then it ain't broke"...and the turbos were still making the cool whooshing sounds so we just kind of let it go.

BIG MISTAKE

The CEL stays on for approximately two days, and on one rainy afternoon it begins to do a curious thing...it starts flashing. This wouldn't be a big deal if I wasn't driving along my merry way to the grocery store and the car suddenly would not go faster than 25 mph. The engine then proceeds to sputter and then die...IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD. After a few middle fingers and a few "You Shoulda bought Muurrican" AAA shows up and hauls my new DD to my parents home.


Now normally this is where the story would end in calling a few shops around town and getting some quotes, but my dad thinks if he can wrench on a 1987 Nissan Maxima then a 2000 Audi should be NBD...

Little did we know that we would have to learn some German in order to understand the wiring diagrams to the B5 generations 2.7 L Biturbo V6. This mostly involved me looking up stuff on the interwebs and the forums, and then my dad cursing Hans the VW Engineer that designed the said wiring system.


Long story short we found out that a coilpack had burst because there was a short in the system, and after nearly 2 months of sorting out the issue I was happy to report that I proceeded to mess with the electrical system some more and install DRL's... because Audi.


Over the past 4 years of Ownership the S4 has accumulated close to 40,000 miles and is currently not in a state of disrepair (this week).

Tune in Next time to see how this managed to happen (only 8 months later):