Two days ago I went swimsuit shopping at the mall and tried on a couple other summery things, too. Year after year I try to make rompers happen but my torso is too damn long so I get an uncomfortable crotch wedge.

No, I will never stop searching, because I, too, want to get naked in a bar bathroom when I have to pee. As I tend to do when things don’t go my way, I bitched on Twitter.

And Liz was there for solidarity.

And then SmoothGroove (actual handle: @cameltoecover) slid into our thread smoother than a vagina with a thin, plastic, $18.99 liner over it.

Dr. Oz loves SmoothGroove? I was intrigued so I went to the site and watched a video that talked about Camel Toe. It’s apparently crude and embarrassing, and was treated as something serious and difficult women face, like ovarian cancer or guys who don’t tip well on dates. Actual quote while soft music played:

“The thing about camel toe… is it can effect any woman regardless of size or weight or whether or not she’s had children, or age…”

But my favorite has to be this: a promotional video they made that is literally just 45 seconds of women pulling camel toe wedgies out to No Doubt’s ‘I’m Just A Girl’. Have at it!

Second favorite part, this gent who has figured out the SmoothGroove algorithm and is using it to his full advantage. Brilliant.

They have tweeted at Liz and I more since then, and it makes me wonder… Were they sent by someone? Have I been flashin’ more toe than I realized? Would this finally allow me to get sloppy drunk and pee my romper like all the other gals of summer who I envy so? Still not sure but I’ve found a new purpose in life. I hope you’ll all be joining me in the annual Camel Toe 5K: Race to Flatten Flaps. Register now and your $100 donation will provide a week’s worth of SmoothGroove for a woman in need.