(NOTE to all the hardcore gamers out there: please read this before commenting: http://wp.me/pBqA1-4q)

Dear HBO:

I am a violinist and the owner of the Ancalagon record label. I excitedly looked forward to your Game of Thrones series in 2011 as I was awaiting the fifth book. I could hardly wait for either. As the season went on, I found it increasingly difficult to watch the opening, which features a pale, pallid, pathetic computer-generated imitation of a solo cello.

I did some research on this rather unbelievable oversight. Your choice of composer, Ramin Djawadi, certainly has many interesting scores to his credit. Though I am aware that Mr. Djawadi had a relatively short time to create the score and theme, I find it well nigh impossible to imagine that he could have simply forgotten to add the cellist to the theme song.

The only explanation I can muster is that he must have been constrained by budgetary concerns. Well, let’s look at the facts.

To hire a solo cellist in L.A. for a three-hour recording session would cost you 1.5 to 2 times scale (scale being approximately $236). So, let’s say the session would have cost, at the highest rate, $472. That would break down to, over the ten episodes of Season One, about $48 per episode. There would also be residuals payable to the cellist for the DVD release of that season – about the same amount.

I can only conclude, that, although you spent a reported $6 million to $10 million per episode, you were too tight to add fifty bucks to achieve musical integrity. Instead of an exciting, genuine, red-blooded cello solo, you went with an insipid simpering milquetoast midi version. I am surprised that Mr. G.R.R. Martin has not spoken out regarding this, since his considerable imagination deserves far more than a theme played by a fake anemic ghoul, which every true musician has to disgustedly wince at. Frankly, it’s enough to make Tyrion retch.

Therefore, I have taken it upon myself to help you! Herein is not only your original opening theme, but also your opening theme as it sounds with a real musician (Rubin Kodheli, the fabulous Albanian cellist), so you can compare. Not only have I already paid Rubin for his work (1.5 times scale), but we are providing the real cello stem, at no cost to you! to replace the flaccid forgery currently infecting the opening of your title sequence.

Please do me (and everyone) this favour. I have had to suspend my viewing of Game of Thrones from halfway through the first season out of principle. This makes me very sad, since I also live with a little dragon, and we want to find out what happens to Daenerys and her boys.

Very sincerely yours,

Lara St. John

Your original version (complete with helpful video!) can be found here:

A vasty improved, true musician version (complete with video) can be viewed here:

The Cello Stem, which I am donating to you, is here: