9 Things Filipinos Should Do In Their Twenties (According To My Relatives And Neighbors)

Thought Catalog is wrong. Your 20s aren’t for “finding yourself” and “trying new things”. It’s not for backpacking across Europe, surviving massive hangovers, or dancing with strangers. Not if my neighbors and relatives have anything to say about the matter. And boy, do they have A LOT to say about it.

In fact, here, have a list.

9 Things Filipinos Should Do In Their Twenties (According To My Relatives And Neighbors)

Failure to accomplish the following list will result in some form of discrimination from your elders.

#1 Get a job with an impressive title.

Preferably one with “Manager” or “Executive” in it. Never mind how much your salary is or that everyone in your office is also called a manager.

#2 Work for a famous company or institution.

Unilever. Jollibee. Globe. If you can’t accomplish Item 1, at least make your workplace name-drop-worthy. People like to mention things like “My neighbor’s daughter works in Meralco!” to those who don’t care. It’s your duty to provide them with name-dropping fodder. Failure to do so will result in not getting Fruit Salad delivered to your doorstep on Christmas.

#3 Make lots of money.

Didn’t you hear about that kid who earned millions of dollars from an iPhone game? Why can’t you make some cellphone games? Where are your millions, Adult Who Graduated From A University And Works On Computers?!

#4 Work abroad.

Everything you do in your career is just a stepping stone to working abroad:

You’ve been promoted? When can you transfer to the Australia branch?

You had a salary raise? When can you apply for a Canadian Visa?

You have a six-figure salary? Mmhm. Yeah, well, My Daughter Who Works In London sent me Toblerone. You lose.

#5 Buy a car for yourself and a house for your parents.

Or risk being compared to the sister/brother who did.

#6 Send your parents on a vacation abroad.

Your third-cousin did it. Your neighbor’s second son did it. Why can’t you?! This is a simple matter which all twenty-somethings should be able to afford!

#7 Get a boyfriend (or a girlfriend) then get married. In style.

Right after graduation, the same people who threatened to disown you if you don’t stick to studying will get a lobotomy. They will push you on dates and matchmake you with every eligible person in a 5-mile radius.

You are supposed to be thankful. You are supposed to invite all of them to your wedding. You are supposed to serve great-tasting food, invite local government officials as sponsors, and always ALWAYS include crispy pata in that take-home food package for your guests. (Otherwise, your wedding will be declared a failure.)

And it doesn’t end with marriage. The next agenda in the Life of A Successful Twentysomething is:

#8 Have kids.

Otherwise, you will spend family reunions backed into a corner, listening to your almost-deaf Grandma shouting tried and tested ways to make babies. (Read: sex-talk over lechon baboy and fruit salad while your niece and nephews drop in every now and then to beg for aguinaldo.)

#9 Be a godparent to at least 10 kids.

Someone has to sponsor all the babies being made due to #8, right?

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Now that you know the (slightly impossible) standards of success for your age, you can either aspire to them or just avoid all after-church chitchats, neighborhood aunt run-ins, and family reunions until you’re 30.

Your choice.

[Update: Since I’m an expert on being a non-successful Filipino (my score on this list is a whopping 0/9) I shared some ways on how I cope with the guilt-tripping in a separate post: What To Do If Your Elders Think You’re A Failure]

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