I had just settled in at a tango festival and was relishing those first moments where dancers from all over the country are arriving. I love seeing who comes through the doors that first night and who I will be sharing the weekend with.



A dancer from my area, Shesha Marvin, arrives and settles in next to me, I can feel his energy ramping up as he scans the room. He turns to me, looks me dead in the eye and says, “Let’s spread joy this weekend”.



At the time I thought it was an odd thing to say… I find it impossible to feel anything but joy when I am at these festivals. Everyone walking through the door seemed to exude joy; it was hard not to. The ambiance was beautiful, the dancers were top notch and the warmth of the people was infectious.



I forgot about our promise to spread joy as I found myself immersed in a tango weekend that delighted me to no end. By Sunday, I found myself having the same conversation over and over… how magical the weekend had been. It had attracted a certain type of dancer – a truly warm and joyful group had gathered for this festival. Everyone was commenting on how everyone at the festival were amazing and good hearted people.



And then someone said it. It came under the breath in a knowing way, the way you say something that everyone is thinking but no one is saying out loud.



“It’s also who ISN’T here”.



Ouch.



I say this with love, but we all need to check ourselves. What energy are we bringing to the places where we show up?



Before you head out to an event, ask yourself honestly. What energy are you bringing with you? Are you going to spark joy or add to the magic? Will people light up when they see you walk through the door? Will you be greeted with warmth and smiles – or polite tolerance? Are you showing up to give and contribute? Or are you showing up to show off, get your ego stroked, or promote a self-serving agenda?



We all see right through the latter. A self-serving ego is like an epic fart. No one misses it.



I’m far from perfect, but I do my best to show up and give. Give good dances. Give warm greetings to fellow dancers. Give my connection fully and wholeheartedly. Give kindness, respect and encouragement. Give gratitude to those making the event happen – I do my best to remember to thank the DJ, helpers and host.



And there are many nights when I simply don’t have much to give. And that’s okay. Those nights I kind of hide in the background and keep to one or two friends. I do my best to not be rude or unfriendly, but to simply let myself be in a conserved state.



And when the night isn’t going well, the key for me is to knowing when to leave. Don’t linger to tell everyone how awful your night is going. Don’t lock people into a conversation and impose your misery on others (do that over lunch later if you must). If all someone is doing is spreading negativity or gossip or complaints about how inept everyone in the room is, people will pick up on it and yes – it adds a weird vibe that can be hard to ignore. You can completely shift your evening by challenging yourself to find something beautiful to appreciate in every situation and human being who crosses your path.



Every event is basically an energy potluck. So, bring something good for others to enjoy. And at the very least, simply bring no harm.

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