There may be another reason to look forward to Spring.

According to an article in the journal Medical Hypotheses (Volume 71, Issue 2, August 2008, Page 308), ejaculation may be a treatment for nasal congestion in mature males.

In a brief article, Dr. Sina Zarrintan of the Department of Neurosurgery, Tabriz Medical University, Tabriz, Iran suggests that

“. . . ejaculation can be used as a potential treatment of nasal congestion because its emission phase provides a sympathetic stimulation and subsequent vasoconstriction and nasal decongestion. Also, the refractory period serves as a sympathetic reservoir and maintains the decongestive state for a considerable while. This method does not wish to have the adverse effects of pharmaceutical decongestants because it is a physiologic stimulation of the sympathetic system in the body. According to the current idea, sexual intercourse or masturbation is proposed in the cases of nasal congestion in mature men. It can be done time-to-time to alleviate the congestion and the patient can adjust the number of intercourses or masturbations depending on the severity of the symptoms.

(This hypothesis seems to have caused a bit of controversy at Tabriz University. A subsequent issue of Medical Hypotheses [Volume 71, Issue 5, November 2008, Page 809 ], includes a response to Dr. Zarrintan by Mohammad Amin Abolghassemi Fakhree of the University’s Gifted and Talented Students Program. He argues that “Ejaculation as a treatment for nasal congestion in men is inconvenient, unreliable and potentially hazardous.” — Inconvenient I can see. Unreliable, perhaps. But hazardous? I thought the blindness hypothesis had finally been disproved.

Dr. Zarrintan’s hypothesis brings up a number of thoughts:

Why just men? Why just mature men? How would you test this hypothesis in a randomized, controlled trial? Would the volunteers in the control group be instructed not to masturbate (or have “intercourses”) at all? For how long? Or would it be a better control for them to engage in sham masturbation (or intercourses)? Would it be okay to dispense with a phase I study, since masturbation is known to be harmless? Could you go straight to a phase II dose ranging trial? Would this hypothesis, if proven, result in yet another euphemism for masturbation? The canonical list of 1,700 masturbation euphemisms only includes one remotely related: “decongesting the weasel.” But of course it’s not the weasel that’s being decongested here. Perhaps one day it will be commonplace for men to say, “Excuse me, but I’ll be in my room for a while, ‘treating my allergies,’ wink wink, nod nod.” Don’t throw that Sudafed away yet. An unscientific survey of adult men, conducted by this reporter, reveals that Dr. Zarrintan may be barking up the wrong tree (or maybe we should say, spanking the wrong monkey). Of the men surveyed, 87.23% reported increased nasal congestion immediately after orgasm. It’s not the first time that a pesky fact got in the way of a beautiful hypothesis.

(Hat tip to New Scientist)

—Bob Finn



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