The games you know that deep down, 'that was ours for the taking' - they are the hardest to deal with. Feeling the pain: The narrow loss was hard to take on Wednesday night. Credit:Getty Images People always talk about Origin moments. In the second half, Mitchell Pearce put a long kick in and we got a bit lucky with the bounce splitting Billy Slater and Darius Boyd. Boyd went back into his own in-goal area to retrieve the ball and Queensland started the set deep inside their own half.

If you looked around the field at that moment, you would have sworn NSW were in the box seat. Coming out on top: Will Chambers and Justin Hodges. Credit:Getty Images Queensland were gone. We had them on the ropes. Their forwards were stuffed – you could see it in how slow they were to get back. That should have been the set NSW took the game by the scruff of the neck and forced Queensland to kick from inside their own half.

Instead, a penalty saved Queensland. We went from being in a dominant position to being 10-all when Will Chambers scored from the next set. For me, that was a pivotal moment in the match. We still had our chances, but by that stage the momentum had shifted. Give Queensland an inch and they take a mile. We all know that. You could probably argue they weren't even the better team, but gone are the days where Queensland need the majority of the ball to win.

They have been together for so long that when it matters most, their execution is almost always perfect. Even as a fan now, that makes my stomach turn knowing how crucial that game was for us. I played in seven series losses. Trust me, they are the games that piss you off the most. When you're livid and leave the ground thinking 'this is bullshit, if only this happened or that didn't happen'. They hurt the most. When you're watching the replay in review, looking at every detail of the game you cringe knowing how different the game could have been.

I know how the boys felt waking up yesterday. Robbie and I spent a lot of nights together after losses. To speak to him after the loss brought back some memories. It felt like I was back in the day. While I was hurting for my Blues brother, it's days like Wednesday that I miss rugby league the most. I always knew watching Origin on the other side of the world would be the hardest for me, because you don't choose Origin, Origin chooses you. When I made the decision to leave the game, one of the biggest things I had to let go was the love and desire I have for the Blues jersey. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about what it would be like coming back to play.

I actually started thinking to myself whether I'd have the fitness to handle it right now, even though it would never happen. I'll never forget what happened last year, but now I'm no longer a player but a fan. What happened last year doesn't matter any more. It's done. All that matters is this year. I thought Josh Dugan was brilliant. I feel a connection with Duges because we're pretty similar people. Those who don't know us think we're quiet because we stick to ourselves.

But Duges has this swagger about him, and when the lights come on he knows what time it is. "Big time players make big time plays". That's what former Carolina Panthers, now Baltimore Ravens wide receiver, Steve Smith Snr was once quoted saying. That's what Duges did on Wednesday night. There's no doubt NSW need him to fire in Melbourne, because that will be more of a home game for Queensland given the Storm connection. I'm glad to hear Laurie Daley has said he'll stick with Pearce and Hodkinson for game two.

Pearcey had a great game. It was the first time at Origin level that he didn't have all the control and the balance between he and Hodkinson was spot on. There have been questions asked of the execution in the final minutes, but if Pearcey thinks something is on, you have to go with it. You back your teammates no matter what. Decisions like that aren't what decide a game, they are usually won and lost well before that. Now we head to Melbourne with Paul Gallen likely to come back into the side. His presence on the field is invaluable. He's a man who leads with his actions.

A forward who I would pick in my dream team because I know what I'm going to get. He's a warrior. He doesn't need to be 100 per cent fit, because come game time he'll give it his all. He talks more on the field than he does the whole week in camp, that's his way of leading. I'm so proud of the boys. They know they could have won, and while that's causing them pain now, it will be what gives them confidence when they walk out on to the MCG in three weeks time. This isn't over.