Will Noble

A Frosties Reception For The Cereal Killer Cafe Cookbook

Cereal Killer Cafe Cookbook

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There are certain things in life you only need to do once. Some things don't even merit that. Depending on your sense of adventure, making a Frosties mojito will fall into one of these two categories.

This gimmicky cocktail is one of a shelf-load of throwaway recipes in the 'cookbook' from Alan and Gary Keery, the bearded duo behind Cereal Killer Cafe. Other abominations they attempt to foist on us are Cheerios and cheese toasties, Grape Nut meatballs and — wait for it — milk that's had Frosties in it (a double page spread, no less, explains how to make this).

OK, we haven't tried a lot of the recipes in this book — neither we think will most who find it in their Christmas stocking — but aside from many of them hardly constituting recipes at all, the best concoctions — like Chocopotomus and Orange You Glad I Didn't Order Milk?, both of which we love — are lazy cut-and-paste jobs from the cafe's menu. And anyway, isn't half the fun of playing with cereal experimenting for yourself?

The Keery twins are savvy marketers, here essentially turning themselves into a brand (the 1990s kids' annual style of the book sees them transformed into cartoon characters, and even has cut-out masks of their hairy mushes). Frankly, though, the content is bowlfuls of filler, very little killer (our food and drink editor commented it was like reading something penned by Jedward).

One more problem; with brazen talk of hangovers and masturbation, the publishers have seriously limited their potential audience. It's tantamount to making a Toy Story film, and having Buzz Lightyear say "f**k this" a couple of times, for the sheer hell of it.

When Cereal Killer Cafe opened last year we gave it ★★★★. When it was attacked by thugs last month we stood up for it. Now this book has arrived on the scene, we just want to slink off to a Wetherspoon for a £3.50 eggs benedict and forget about cereal altogether for a while.

Cereal Killer Cafe Cookbook is released on 22 October, price £12.99.

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