LAVALLETTE, NJ—Expressing frustration at being subject to an endless barrage of requests, Academy Award-winning actor Joe Pesci told reporters Thursday that he was “completely sick” of fans asking to take a photo with him while blowtorching his scalp. “It’s gotten so bad that I can’t even go out to eat with my family without being interrupted by another crazed Home Alone fanatic,” said Pesci, noting that he is typically more than happy to pose with fans as long as they wait until he’s done eating. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered to have acted in a scene that resonates with so many people from all backgrounds and generations, but Christ, some days I think if I see another blowtorch, my head’s gonna explode. There is a limit to how many skin grafts a guy should have to suffer for his fans.” Pesci added that he wished more people would ask for pictures in which they bludgeoned him with a baseball bat before burying him alive into a shallow cornfield grave.

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