Venture beyond the wall of your safe YouTube recommendations, and you might end up in a place natives only refer to as Weird YouTube. It's a vast, dank jungle where the limits of the mind are tested against indecipherable memes, Lovecraftian home videos, and possums. Lots and lots of possums.

Since its conception in 2010, MEpearlA has become, without hyperbole, the greatest YouTube channel in existence. Its videos feature woman who looks and acts like she once toured the Orient in a sleeper car with the Poughkeepsie Shakespeare Company, who advises you how to take care of possums. These videos cover topics such as washing possums, grooming possums, and performing the kiss of life on possums. All of this is demonstrated on ME Pearl's range of rescued possums (many of which aren't actually possums), who are surprisingly docile even when a middle-aged woman uses them as fitness weights.

Continue Reading Below Advertisement

Aside from the YouTube channel, ME Pearl also hosts a green website that'll make you nostalgic for Geocities, which has possum FAQs, offers possum psychic services, and publishes possum poetry. Is that poetry about possums or by possums? Yes, it is. Here's my favorite:

Continue Reading Below Advertisement

Apple Sauce

Apple Sauce and dirt

I like my foot

Dark Blankie Sleep

OW !

Apple Sauce

Blankie sauce

But Pearl is so much more than a possum whisperer, or even a possum-themed lifestyle coach. She isn't even human. If you made the foolishly rational assumption that the grand dame of roadkill who presents the channel is Pearl, you'd be mistaken. ME Pearl's website claims that she's called Georgette Spelvin, a fake name, and is merely the vessel for the true Pearl -- a dead squirrel that achieved enlightenment and has since become the center of a druidic religion. This religion, split into "angel squirrels" and "demon squirrels," spreads the news that squirrels secretly control the Universe, which is still more plausible than Scientology.