As someone who has struggled with breakouts, I decided to take matters into my own hands. After trying countless over-the-counter products, I was finally ready to try using something natural – olive oil! After two weeks of consistent use, I am proud to say my face got so oily that they built a Little Caesars on it, and now everyone is enjoying good pizza.

Sure, olive oil is unconventional and (some might say) a little reckless, but I was so sick of trying new regimens that would ultimately leave my skin more upset than before. When I made the switch from retinol creams to olive oil, I left the house with a sopping wet face to prime my pores so they could build a successful pizza chain on top of it. Now there is a pizza party and people are having a good time!

After only two weeks, my skin was sufficiently moist and glowing, so seven construction workers came to my house to erect a modest building, install the ovens, and paste the Little Caesars logo on my face. The restaurant was up and running in two days! Talk about efficiency. Yes, I am biased since I have a multi-story Little Caesars covering my eyes and a flag coming out of a nostril that flaps in the wind. But hey, my skin is better than ever!

I’ve definitely noticed a change in how people view me ever since I started using olive oil. People used to pass me on the street without making eye contact. Now that I have a Little Caesars on my face, people stare as they pass me and sometimes they ask me if I have garlic sauce (Duh! No – you’re thinking of Papa John’s and this is a Little Caesars!). Whenever people come up to buy pizza, I give it to them because the Little Caesars I host is fully functional and serves delicious and affordable pies for friends to enjoy.

I ended up having to quit my retail job because at this point I am simply a pizza store with a body attached to it. It’s okay, because I now make enough money selling pizzas to people around town. The other day a woman said, “Oh honey, I’m so sorry this has happened to you” and gave me a $100 bill, but I don’t think she understands how awesome my life is now. I’m covered in grease, I have no face and all I do is “Pizza! Pizza!” I could get used to this, and I guess I have to!

I would recommend this regimen to any and all friends, but only if they love what Little Caesars stands for: cheap pizza. Start washing your face with olive oil and soon you’ll be one out of the 4,500 locations! Yay for oily girls!