Alzheimers, as I'm sure anyone who's had any dealings with it will agree, is a terrible and debilitating condition, both for the person directly affected, and for those close to them. Unfortunately, it has made it's way to my door, and taken with it my once outgoing and fiercly independent grandmother. Of all the people we couldn't have imagined ever being affected by such a thing, she was pretty close to the top of the list, but, like so many other conditions of the mind and body, dementia knows no boundaries, and so, here we are.





It's a strange and disturbing thing to witness, the gradual disappearance of the person who once inhabited that shell. From what I have experienced of those around me, dealing with it very much mimics the stages of loss, and I suppose that makes sense, because the person is dying, in a way, and you have to watch on helplessly as it happens.





As with many things in life however, it all comes down to the attitude with which you approach it. You could say 'well, that's it, they're gone, just a matter of waiting for them to finally die, nothing I can do about it...', and many people do, as is their choice. Then there's the other side of it, after dealing with all the stages, in whatever way you see fit, and finally coming to acceptance, you can see things from a different angle, and though it's hard to imagine anything positive coming from such an awful thing, some events have occurred that have changed my, and my family's, outlook, both in a personal way, and on a larger scale. These are things that would never have happened had it not been for being suddenly thrown into dealing with something so unimaginably cruel.





Would I change it if I could? Of course, in a heartbeat, but given that life does not offer you choices in certain situations, the outcome has been as good as I could imagine for an event like this. I mentioned the positives earlier, and I think this sums up the view you have to take if you're going to come out of something like this in any sort of shape at all; I was talking to a close family member about it, and after much discussion and thought, she had come to two conclusions:





My grandmother, after passing the stage of being agitated and confused, is now in a situation where she is actually much happier than she has been for a long time; everyone that she has lost over the years are, in her head, still alive and going about their business. She's living in a different time, where she's much younger and more content. Big events in her life are more recent and thinking of them makes her happy. This won't last forever, of course, but while it does then it's better than the alternative. Concerning those closest to her, and caring for her, it has been a particularly difficult time. No one wants to lose a loved one, under any circumstances, however, conversely to what we thought at first, it is, in all probability, an easier way to let someone go than were it to be sudden. To paraphrase said family member, “it's like watching her fade away slowly, and being able to let go in the same way.” That simple line holds a lot of truth, when you think about it, and it was that which inspired me to do this piece of work, because that is exactly what it's felt like from the start; watching someone you've known your whole life get gradually further away, until one day they're gone completely.

I suppose if there's any lesson to be taken from this, it's that we should enjoy things while they last. Stop stressing about shit that doesn't matter, stop all the petty grievances and shouting people down, stop picking holes in the world around you, and just bloody live while you still can. You never know when it's gonna be taken away...