Is chivalry dead and, if it is, who really cares? Should it be expected that men open doors for their female co-workers? Or stand up when they enter the room? Do women even want men to do this? Is "chivalry" just another word for chauvinism?

A Twitter post with an image of a man and woman walking side-by-side on the street caused a storm when few could identify what was "wrong" with it.

Was it wrong because the couple had not linked arms? Or because he was not carrying her bag?

Under traditional rules of etiquette, the man should in fact have been walking on the road side, not the woman. This was to protect her from being splattered from mud from passing, er, carriages.

Unfurling capes over inconveniently-placed puddles or kissing the back of a woman's hands with an accompanying deep bow would not be contemplated by any but the most cultured or confident of men. What was once considered gallant behaviour is now purely vaudeville.

Clearly, the rules of etiquette change.

In 1955, an issue of The Australian Women's Weekly featured six tightly-packed pages on "etiquette for today". Fifty-five years later, former editor Ita Buttrose released A Guide to Australian Etiquette featuring issues barely dreamt of in the Fifties.

Preventing "trolley rage" at the supermarket. Mobile phone etiquette. Eating Middle Eastern food. De facto relationships.

Yet Buttrose insists that while times may have changed, good manners never go out of fashion. "Good manners are about respect and are essential for civilised living," she writes.

Long live chivalry

The well-mannered man is valued as highly as ever; it's just the details that have changed. Women still want men to be gentlemen, just in a different way.

"Chivalry is not dead in our eyes," says Amberlie Cameron-Smith, a deportment instructor. "It's not a sign we can't do it for ourselves. It's about a man being a gentleman. It's just really lovely."

Simple acts of chivalry can have a dramatically pleasing effect. Something as straightforward as a man giving up his seat for a woman or allowing her to get off or on a train first usually makes both parties feel good. It puts a sprinkle of magic into everyday life.

Lizzie Wagner is a corporate image consultant who travels Australia instructing businessmen on etiquette. Wagner says chivalry can – and should be – learnt.

"It's really important in business and in life to know the behaviour skills of manners and communication," Wagner says. "The more charming, the more well mannered you are, the more influence you have and the more successful you'll be."

Golden rules

Amberlie Cameron-Smith says if men are seen to be cold or rude they are generally not well regarded in their professional world.

"There seems to be a gap in knowledge about the rules of courtesy," she explains. "For men in their mid-20s to late 30s, it seems to have been forgotten somehow ... they're not sure exactly what they should be doing."

Cameron-Smith's rules of chivalrous behaviour include:

DO hold the door open for a woman.

DO wait for a woman to enter the lift first and exit before you.

DO give your seat to a woman on public transport.

DO rise slightly and sit with her when a woman joins your table.

DO open the car door for a woman and open it again when you arrive at your destination.

"It's really nice," says Cameron-Smith of the car door suggestion. "Young girls giggle about it a bit, but it's a lovely gesture."

Is chivalry still important? Or do you think it's outdated?

- executivestyle.com.au

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