WILKES-BARRE, PA—Oblivious to the intense feelings of arousal coursing through the pre-adolescent’s body, local man Pete Strahl reportedly introduced his children to the film Field Of Dreams Monday evening, not knowing that its male lead, played by Kevin Costner, was sparking his son’s sexual awakening. “This is an absolute classic—a real man’s movie,” said Strahl, handing his 10-year-old a bowl of popcorn as the film’s opening sequence, in which the sweat-drenched protagonist carries a heavy wood-handled hoe through rows of corn, unleashed a string of thoughts and urges in the child’s mind that he had never felt in his life and doesn’t quite understand yet. “The scene at the end always gives me chills. I hope you like it as much as I do.” After the movie was over, Strahl’s son reportedly went up to his bedroom and hesitantly typed the words “Costner in baseball uniform” into Google Images while struggling to grasp what was happening to him.

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