In order to truly relish this historic day, the police should advise that the moment we leave the EU, all citizens should stay at least seven miles from Mark Francois and Iain Duncan Smith, as they are likely to ejaculate in such quantities that a tsunami warning will be put into operation, destroying low areas such as Norfolk, that ironically voted Leave more than anywhere else.

Even then, the Lowestoft Brexit Party chair will announce this was a price well worth paying, from a dinghy in the North Sea.

If you’re lucky, you might be going to the main party in Parliament Square, where you can hear Tim Martin, founder of Wetherspoons, along with Julia Hartley-Brewer, Ann Widdecombe and Nigel Farage, symbols of a young creative nation bursting forwards with agility and imagination.

At last, the “Instagram and Stormzy” generation has been swept aside by an avalanche of youthful energy led by Neil Hamilton and Bernie Ecclestone.

Brexit timeline: How did we get here? Show all 20 1 /20 Brexit timeline: How did we get here? Brexit timeline: How did we get here? Britain votes to leave the European Union - 23 June 2016 A referendum is held on Britain's membership of the European Union. Fifty-two per cent of the country votes in favour of leaving AFP via Getty Brexit timeline: How did we get here? David Cameron resigns - 24 June 2016 David Cameron resigns on the morning of the result after leading the campaign for Britain to remain in the EU Getty Brexit timeline: How did we get here? Theresa May takes the reins - 13 July 2016 Theresa May becomes leader of the Conservative party and prime minister, winning the leadership contest unopposed after Andrea Leadsom drops out Getty Brexit timeline: How did we get here? High Court rules parliament must vote on Brexit - November 2016 - 3 November 2016 The High Court rules that parliament must vote on triggering Article 50, which would begin the Brexit process Brexit timeline: How did we get here? Article 50 triggered - 28 March 2017 The prime minister triggers Article 50 after parliament endorses the result of the referendum Getty Brexit timeline: How did we get here? May calls snap election - 18 April 2018 Seeking a mandate for her Brexit plan, May goes to the country Getty Brexit timeline: How did we get here? May loses majority as Labour makes surprise gain - 8 June 2017 After a disastrous campaign, Theresa May loses her majority in the commons and turns to the DUP for support. Jeremy Corbyn's Labour party makes gains after being predicted to lose heavily AFP/Getty Brexit timeline: How did we get here? Negotiations begin - 19 June 2017 David Davis and Michel Barnier, chief negotiators for the UK and EU respectively, hold a press conference on the first day of Brexit negotiations. Soon after the beginning of negotiations, it becomes clear that the issue of the border between Northern Ireland and the Republic will prove a major sticking point AFP/Getty Brexit timeline: How did we get here? MPs vote that withdrawal deal must be ratified by parliament - 13 December 2017 The government suffers a defeat in parliament over the EU withdrawal agreement, guaranteeing that MPs are given a 'meaningful vote' on the deal Brexit timeline: How did we get here? Boris Johnson resigns as foreign secretary - 11 July 2018 Following a summit at Chequers where the prime minister claimed to have gained cabinet support for her deal, Boris Johnson resigns as foreign secretary along with David Davis, the Brexit secretary Reuters Brexit timeline: How did we get here? Draft withdrawal agreement - 15 November 2018 The draft withdrawal agreement settles Britain's divorce bill, secures the rights of EU citizens living in the UK and vice versa and includes a political declaration commiting both parties to frictionless trade in goods and cooperation on security matters. The deal also includes the backstop, which is anathema to many brexiteers and Dominic Raab and Esther McVey resign from the cabinet in protest Getty Brexit timeline: How did we get here? May resigns - 24 May 2019 After several failed attempts to pass her withdrawal agreement through the commons, Theresa May resigns Reuters Brexit timeline: How did we get here? Johnson takes over - 24 July 2019 Boris Johnson is elected leader of the Conservative party in a landslide victory. He later heads to Buckingham Palace where the Queen invites him to form a government Getty Brexit timeline: How did we get here? Parliament prorogued - 28 August 2019 Boris Johnson prorogues parliament for five weeks in the lead up to the UK's agreed departure date of 31 October. Stephen Morgan MP Brexit timeline: How did we get here? Prorogation ruled unlawful - 24 September 2019 The High Court rules that Johnson's prorogation of parliament is 'unlawful' after a legal challenge brought by businesswoman Gina Miller Getty Brexit timeline: How did we get here? Johnson agrees deal with Varadkar - October Following a summit in Merseyside, Johnson agrees a compromise to the backstop with Irish prime minister Leo Varadkar - making the withdrawal agreement more palatable to Brexiteers Getty Brexit timeline: How did we get here? Final Say march demands second referendum - 19 October 2019 As parliament passes the Letwin amendment requiring the prime minister to request a further delay to Brexit, protesters take to the streets in the final show of force for a Final Say referendum Getty Brexit timeline: How did we get here? Johnson wins 80 seat majority - 12 December 2019 The Conservatives win the December election in a landslide, granting Boris Johnson a large majority to pass through his brexit deal and pursue his domestic agenda Getty Brexit timeline: How did we get here? Withdrawal deal passes parliament - 20 December 2019 The withdrawal agreement passes through the commons with a majority of 124 Getty Brexit timeline: How did we get here? EU parliament backs UK withdrawal deal - 29 January 2020 Members of the European parliament overwhelmingly back the ratification of Britain's departure, clearing the way for Brexit two days later on 31 January. Following the vote, members join hands and sing Auld Lang Syne AFP/Getty

Francois has promised to “stay up all night [to see] the sun rise over a free country”. It’s a measure of how dedicated he is, that he’ll stay up all night to watch the sun rise, where others might just get up a bit before the sun rises. But he won’t take chances, because it’s not beyond sneaky Remoaners to make the sun rise two hours early just to ruin the great day.

Many Brexit supporters refer to 31 January as “Liberation Day”, the way Indian people describe the day the British left the country. And it is a similarly historic moment. One marked the end of a 200-year-period in which an entire nation was ruled in every way by the East India Company, then the British Queen, with a constant army of occupation and frequent massacres, whereas our fishermen have had to abide by EU mackerel quotas, so it’s exactly the same.

And where they had Gandhi, we’ve got Ann Widdecombe. The similarities are uncanny.

This is why some festivities will be even more raucous than the one in Parliament Square. Tory MP Andrew Rosindell explained his party in Romford will involve British singing and British food “and English sparkling wine – nothing French or German”.

That’s the spirit of friendship we’ve been promised, in which our independence creates a new spirit of harmony with our European neighbours, which we can celebrate like PROPER British people, not these Metropolitan traitors who eat European shite like pizza and have wine from places that know nothing about wine, like France. This is PROPER wine made from baked beans and Tizer.

He also displayed his optimistic youthful outlook when he demanded the BBC mark the event by playing “God Save the Queen” before it shuts down each night. This might not have the impact he hopes for, as the BBC hasn’t shut down at night since 1997, but that shows how out of touch the liberal whining BBC has become, deliberately showing programmes all night so it doesn’t have to play the national anthem before shutting down.

Other public figures have added to the national jollity, by making speeches that start with: “We are now in a position to heal the wounds of a divided nation, by coming together to tell the 16 million posh, traitorous, elite, sneering arse-wipes, ‘HAAA HAAAAA GET OVER IT, how DARE you express the slightest tinge of unease, you collaborator.’”

The most prominent Brexit supporters also explain that whatever it is they do, “this is what the British public voted for”.

And they’re right, because it said clearly on the ballot paper in the referendum “do you wish Britain to remain in the EU? Or do you wish to wave plastic flags in European parliament and hold parties where we don’t allow foreign food and describe Europe as a steaming cesspit of lizard-droppings?”

This is how harmony will be restored, by calmly assuring those who voted to Remain that they should never say anything again because they’re a tiny minority of 48 per cent made up entirely of posh celebrities, so is it any wonder so many people are annoyed when 16 million people are either Hugh Grant or Lily Allen?

It’s true the under-30s voted overwhelmingly to stay in the EU, but they’re not people, as no one becomes a person until they’re 50, and before that we’re mostly made of wool.

The age group that voted in the greatest numbers for Brexit were those between 65 and 75, so now the greatest generation this country ever produced can get on with the job of insisting they didn’t fight in the war to be told what to do by Europe, even though they were born 10 years after the war ended.

And this goes to show how patriotic they are; they were willing to fight Hitler even after he was already dead.

So we should join David Davis and Boris Johnson, to celebrate the passing of a deal they acknowledge is worse than the one they voted to reject.

And yet, somehow there aren’t street parties, there isn’t bunting or firework displays, and hardly anyone sent money for Big Ben to chime. It suggests most Leave-supporters aren’t as spectacularly nationalist as the people driving Brexit would like.

Few people were bothered about the EU until the referendum, so maybe there won’t be a sense of mass euphoria, as much as a national sense of relief that it’s all over.