Raleigh, NC—

The North Carolina legislature is no stranger to controversy, having passed polarizing transgender bathroom laws in recent years, and the state’s latest legislative effort is making national news once again.

The Family Rights Act (formerly known as House Bill 3), which just this morning passed in the state’s Senate by a slim margin, states that wives in heterosexual marriages throughout the state are now required by law to “put out” no less than three times a week, except when written approval is obtained from their husbands.

Throughout the legislative process, the bill has earned fierce opposition from Democrats, women’s groups, and the American Civil Liberties Union, and its passage was threatened by several moderate Republican senators who were uneasy about the vagueness of the bill’s wording.

However, an amendment added late last night clarified that the “putting out” requirement could be fulfilled by any of the following: “(a) the missionary position, (b) blowjobs, (c) handjobs, or (d) vigorous dry humping.” The amendment locked in the support of the three holdout Republican votes needed for passage.

Opposition groups have expressed outrage that the bill is “horrendously sexist and rapey,” “obscenely written,” and “based on the absurd premise that women owe their husbands sex.”

Immediately after the bill’s passage, Democratic and women’s groups filed lawsuits, though their requests for delaying the law’s initiation while the litigation is pending was denied by Judge Walter Baldwin, who commented that the law seemed perfectly permissible in accordance with the Bible.

“Don’t blame me,” said Judge Baldwin in a statement. “Man’s laws are transcribed from Biblical values, and the Bible is very clear that women were put on this Earth to serve men. I know for a fact that this law will be patriotically obeyed in my household. I can’t wait for how much action I’ll be getting now that the threat of going to prison hangs over my wife if she says that she’s too tired for sex, or that she has a headache, or that she has to wake up early in the morning!”

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(Photo courtesy of Mr.TinDC.)

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