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No sign knows how to partner quite like Libra. This is the sign of partnership, so she has diplomacy, relating and romance down to an art. But the time will come when Libra gets angry, or disagrees with something you’ve said. Suddenly, your ideal partner is a slippery character with two sides: the sweet lover who says everything is “just fine” when you ask if she’s ok, and the cold, resentful stranger who seems to be holding something against you. Or is she? After all, she keeps saying nothing’s wrong.

Distorted Harmony

To be fair, not all Libras deal with conflict in this way. Some are fully aware that their love of harmony can flip into the Shadow manifestation of denying open assertiveness. The Libra partner who is firing on all cylinders is a master at handling conflict, able to confront you (when necessary) in a rational, courteous manner. But the unaware Libra can be truly frustrating to deal with. Her primary reaction to any situation is to consider your needs first. Libra is ruled by Venus, and represents the side of this planet that learns about primary needs through the needs of others. It can be easy for Libra to get stuck at the level of considering your desires, and only your desires.

But all human beings have their own likes and dislikes (even Libra). Eventually, you’ll do something that she disagrees with. This is where she’ll either deny that anything is wrong (to you and herself) or brush the whole incident off, because she doesn’t want to disrupt the harmony that she’s worked so hard to create. But if the issue is a big deal, her anger or resentment will leak out, even as she struggles to maintain the facade of peace. You’ll become the recipient of subtle, verbal jabs. Or the silent treatment.

Sometimes this behavior is Libra’s way of alerting you to the fact that you’ve displeased her, although you probably have no idea what you’ve said or done. She truly believes it would be rude to come right out and say that she’s pissed. Or, sometimes it’s a delayed reaction. You say something that rubs her the wrong way, but she honestly doesn’t feel anything in the moment. Her inner program of harmony overrides her deeper reactions. But the deeper stuff will come up eventually, and can emerge days or weeks after the fact. She’ll feel ridiculous bringing something up that happened weeks ago, but she’ll still feel angry.

Finding the Real Libra

Keeping in mind that although you cannot control how your Libra partner reacts, there are steps you can take to lessen potential passive-aggressive behavior. The “real” Libra resides just underneath the polished facade of partnership perfection. Be aware that she has her own likes and dislikes. As obvious as this sounds, it can be easy to forget when she continually says, “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” It will take some care and attention on your part, but you can suss out what your Libra really wants, and what displeases her. When she says that everything’s fine, and it’s not, there’s usually subtle clues, such as an edge to her voice or a stiffening of her shoulders. Also, Libra is the sign of give-and-take, so she responds beautifully when you reflect her courteous behavior. Words like “please,” “thank you,” and “You look beautiful/sexy/amazing” will feed her primary need to be in a mutually supportive, appreciative relationship. Sound finicky and high maintenance? Partnering with a Libra is not for the crude or impatient lover.

But even the most sensitive partner will eventually run into a Libra passive-aggressive moment. Maybe it happens because you had a bad day and said something terse, or you committed some other offense that you’ve forgotten about. You can’t be on top of things all the time. You’ll sense there’s something simmering beneath the surface, but direct confrontation and anger (on your part) will probably trigger avoidance and more chilly resentment. Despite her apparently cooperative persona, you can’t compel Libra to reveal anything until she’s ready. This sign is on the same axis as Aries, the warrior. As Aries’ opposite sign, her Zen master battle tactics include misdirection and projection (I’m not angry, but you seem to be getting upset about something). This can make her as difficult to pin down as the most elusive Pisces. Your best strategy will be to acknowledge that you sense something is off, in a calm, non-confrontational way. Explore how you and she might work through this together. Libra responds to the idea of give-and-take. After that, it’s up to her to openly acknowledge what’s bugging her.

This article can apply to anyone with personal planets (Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus or Mars) in Libra, or their 1st/7th House cusps in Libra. To a lesser extent, this can also apply to personal planets (in any sign) in the 7th House. This is the house of one-on-one relationships, and people frequently project the energies of those planets onto their partner.

Related: Libra Men: Are They Worth the Effort?

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