"[Hannah joked] 'Where do the quiet gays go?' and when I heard that … it was sort of a lightbulb moment and it really spoke to something I was feeling," he says. "I'd been in New York for about two and a half years and when I heard that I was like 'Where do the quiet gays go? How do I find them?' So it just felt like a really deep calling that I felt for a while."

For both Bauman and Hersh, the sober aspect of their respective spaces was built into their initial launch, largely for accessibility. Cuties was always intended to be an intergenerational space, Bauman says, and Hersh, who no longer drinks, says he sees alcohol as antithetical to what introverts who come to his events are looking for.

"Alcohol can give you this feeling of being more brave or courageous, but at the same time it doesn't lead to the same sort of connection that introverts really love," he says. "It kind of gives a false sense of connection." Hersh adds that introverts need environments that aren't overstimulating as nightclubs tend to be.

"When we're able to create an environment that is not intense on the senses, then we don't need [alcohol," he says, "because we're not struggling against the environment. When you feel comfortable and safe, then we can open up."

This isn't a notion specific to introverts, either. "You don't have to be sober to want sober spaces," Bauman points out. She said when they surveyed the options LGBTQ people had in L.A., she decided Cuties could "create more value … by focusing on spaces that lend themselves to being sober."

"The more spaces we have that are not centered around an activity, that you don't have to give a reason for being there, that's a revolutionary thing," Bauman says.

For more than a year, Cuties was home to a regular queer recovery group meeting, and they offer up their shop after hours to others who are in need of a space for gathering and support.

Another bonus to being a sober space is the accessibility for queer people of all economic situations.

"When people come to the city, we are one of the only visible places to go to meet people outside of an evening alcohol-centric event that is also cheap," Bauman says, "and that is a big, big deal."

Outside of Cuties and Queeret's events, several other queer sober spaces have been able to provide that same opportunity for communing across the country. New York's Bluestockings bookshop runs a regular event called Sober Queer Drink and Draw, and Safer Spaces NYC's Sober Queer Mixer, an alternative to club culture offering coffee, conversation, and games at Think Coffee. Odd Fox Coffee in Greenpoint is gay-owned, as is Long Beach, California's Hot Java, and a new queer Black-owned shop in L.A., Bloom & Plume Coffee, just opened right next to its pre-existing floral arrangement shop. NYC's Body Politic queer feminist wellness collective puts on regular events including book clubs, hikes, and workshops, all alcohol free.

There's also plenty of opportunities for sober gathering outside of New York and L.A.. Philadelphia is home to the historic LGBTQ+ and feminist bookstore Giovanni's Room. There's Back to the Grind in Riverside, California, and Queer Soup Night, a pop-up event based in Brooklyn but with events around North America, some of which are sober. In San Francisco, Wicked Grounds Kink Cafe and Boutique is completely sober, as is the legendary Castro Country Club, which serves coffee and sandwiches and also hosts daily 12-step meetings for those in recovery.

In the south, there's events like Queer Kentucky's Queer Sober Monthly Meetup and Yoga Practice, as well as Charlotte, North Carolina's Comic Girl Coffee (which also sells comic books and graphic novels). Just a two-hour drive west will take you to the collective-owned radical bookstore Firestorm, a staple of Asheville since opening in 2008.

In the Midwest, locals love the queer-owned spaces Rainbow Bakery in Bloomington, Indiana, as well as Chicago's Lakeview Rewired Cafe. In Hazel Park, Michigan, Studio Werq provides an open workshop space for LGBTQ+ people to access free and low-cost artistic programs, workshops, open studios, and showings, as well as other alcohol-free events.