President Peña Nieto actually had a more fruitful conversation with this guy.

Last Thursday, Mexico was hit by an 8.1 magnitude earthquake that killed at least 95 people and left thousands of homes destroyed in the southern states of Chiapas and Oaxaca. We mention it was a whole week ago because today -- yes, a whole week later -- Donald Trump finally called Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto to say it sure was sad about that earthquake or hurricane or whatever they had down there in Not Sending Their Best land. (Oh, yes, Mexico got a hurricane, too, Katia, a little Category 1 storm that killed two people on the Gulf Coast.)

Donald Trump shared his condolences -- but mostly his excuses -- in a tweet this afternoon:

Dude. You'd have to reach up a couple levels in courage to reach pusillanimous. In the time since the earthquake, Mexico rescinded its offer of humanitarian aid to Texas following Hurricane Harvey, and Trump has ... we don't know, golfed and eaten pie or something. Oh, and remembered 9/11 with a montage of himself looking sad about 9/11. Oh, and a new poll released today shows Mexicans have the lowest opinion of the USA in a decade.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders announced Tuesday -- the day after Mexico rescinded the aid offer -- that Trump would call Peña Nieto that day. So maybe he really has been trying to reach President Peña Nieto for three whole days but couldn't get through because of bad cell reception. We completely believe that.

Of course, that also means he didn't think of calling Peña Nieto until five days after the earthquake, which is still a bit late on the etiquette timeline. We checked with Miss Manners, and she definitely said if you're a world leader, you have to call allies the very next day after a national disaster, especially if they're right next door. Yes, even if it's the weekend. Hell, you don't wait a week even for enemies.

Also, are we supposed to believe he couldn't leave a message? Was Peña Nieto's voicemail full (of rapists)? Is the Mexican presidential palace without land lines? WE ARE NOT IN SAILING SHIP DAYS, SURELY THERE IS SOME WAY TO GET A MESSAGE TO MEXICO'S HEAD OF STATE WITHIN SEVEN DAYS?

If that's what passes for America's Most Sincere sympathies under Trump, can you imagine the excuses he rejected before settling on "cell reception"?

I meant to call, but my own phone was taken away by my chief of staff again.

I meant to call, but Ivanka was tying up the line. Girls! They're so chatty!

Every time I thought of calling, I was nowhere near a phone. You know how that goes. And then I got all caught up in meetings.

I would have called, but Steve Mnuchin had the jet with the secure phone.

I would have called, but I can't read numbers.

OK, that last one is actually true.

Fortunately, we are all POLITE AS FUCK, so we know how to behave. Enjoy your OPEN THREAD.

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[Donald Trump on Twitter / The Hill / LAT]