



Economics and similar, for the sleep-deprived A subtle change has been made to the comments links, so they no longer pop up. Does this in any way help with the problem about comments not appearing on permalinked posts, readers?



Update: seemingly not



Update: Oh yeah!

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Iceland, a morality play



Scavved from John's comments, ajay's reconstruction of the whole wossname, with a few additions from Richard J and me.



DRAMATIS PERSONAE



ROLF, an Icelandic banker

LARS, an Icelandic government bloke

TOM, a British government bloke

ELLEN, a British punter

BLOFELD, an IMF bloke

JOHANNA, an Icelandic lady



Act One



ROLF: I would like to open a bank in your country!

TOM: Stop! Before you do so, will our citizens’ money be safe in it?

LARS: Yes it will, my British chum. We’ll guarantee the first €20k or so of each British customer’s deposit, as international treaties dictate.

TOM: In that case, crack on.

ROLF: Come on, British people! Deposit your money in my bank!

ELLEN: All right then. Here’s a big bag of cash.



Act Two



ROLF: Oh, by the way, my bank’s collapsing.

ELLEN: Shit! What about my money? It’s safe, right?

ROLF: Yes, sort of, but you can’t get it out right now, because the safe door is very stiff, and we have to handle the notes with special gloves, and we’ve only got one pair and the dog ate one of them…

ELLEN: GIVE ME MY MONEY NOW

TOM: Er, Lars? You want to handle this one?

LARS: Maybe later. Busy.

ROLF: Lars, baby, you know that fund we’d been supposed to set up to guarantee our deposits, and you were supposed to make sure was all hunky-dory?

LARS HASTILY DELVES INTO UNFILED PAPERS ON DESK.

LARS: Oh yes, that one.

ROLF: It’s kinda broke.

LARS:…



Act Three



ELLEN: WHERE IS MY MONEY YOU MALODOROUS BUNCH OF VIKINGS

LARS: (to the global public) Well, we’re broke. If you’re Icelandic, you get your cash back. Foreigners? You can go whistle, mateys

THE MORE ERUDITE MEMBERS OF THE GLOBAL PUBLIC: Hang on, didn’t you sign up to an agreement that implicitly prohibits discrimination on these grounds? What gives, dudes?

TOM: Bloody hell. OK, here, Ellen, have some of mine to tide you over until either Lars or, more probably, Rolf pays me back. Which they’ll do, because they have to.

BLOFELD: Lars, are you OK? Need a loan?

LARS: GIMME

BLOFELD: Sure, but you have to use some of that to pay Tom back after he got you out of trouble with Ellen.

LARS: OK GIMME MONEY

TOM: So, Lars, mate, I sort of need that money now.

LARS: OK, here you are. Wait! No! I’ve changed my mind!



Act Four



TOM AND BLOFELD: what the fuck do you mean, changed your mind?

JOHANNA: I’m very sorry, ignore him, I am in charge. We deeply regret this wildly predictable screw up but we promise you will get your money back, we just need a bit of time to pay

TOM: Oh, fair enough, that’s all right then

BLOFELD: If he’s cool, I’m cool.

JOHANNA: well, now to work, clearing up all the massive heap of shit that Rolf and Lars appear to have dumped on my desk

LARS: Hang on, I've had another idea! Even though I was voted out for causing that "financial collapse" ...



Act Five



LARS: ... I still control a largely honorary position that lets me force a referendum on legislation if I'm prepared to cause a minor constitutional crisis! Whahey!

ROLF: Hey Icelanders! You can vote yourselves EUR40,000 a head at the expense of foreigners!

ICELANDERS: Is it as simple as that? We dimly recall a couple of get rich quick schemes from the past that didn't work out as planned.

ROLF: Yes! Just as simple as that! Nothing can possibly go wrong! And the best thing is, you’ll be taking it from the villainous Brits whose fault this entire crisis was when they maliciously destroyed my bank out of pure jealousy!

LARS: gosh I am glad that I vetoed that law that Johanna tried to pass preventing Rolf from establishing a media monopoly!



FINIS (so far)





There really, really is no case to be made for the "plucky lickle Icelanders". It's notorious in the Nordic region for being a boastful little country with a selfish streak a mile wide, and when they elected successive governments of neoliberal chancers, they knew what they were doing. The nearest comparison anywhere in the world is California. Labels: I scream you scream, we all scream for Iceland

this item posted by the management 1/07/2010 05:01:00 AM

