Matthew Renshaw covered himself, and the Australian dressing room toilets, in glory this week. A fine innings of 68 on debut in India was briefly interrupted by the undeniable call of nature.

Dumping Shaun Marsh in it just before lunch to evacuate his bowels has been met with harsh criticism by former Australian captain Allan Border. Damien Martyn also criticised Renshaw, suggesting that under no circumstances would Border or Ricky Ponting have allowed him to leave the field to make poo.

Personally, watching two cricket players in full batting gear wrestle on the boundary rope as one soils himself would be an absolute sporting highlight for the ages. Alas, Steve Smith and his team of generation Ys are evidently made of softer stuff.

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That leads to the question of what do we expect from athletes? Does the call of duty override the call of nature?

Personally, I think Renshaw risked losing his wicket and dignity if he didn’t relieve himself. It takes bravery to put your hand up and say, “Hey, I am an adult man and I need to go to the toilet right now because I am not going to poo my pants on international television.”

Although nothing says “I’m ready to die out here” like stoically staring your opposition in the eye, biting down and launching into a slog sweep while explosively pooing yourself, then nonchalantly tending to the wicket with a cavalier ‘what of it’ sledge to the horrified infielders.

While Renshaw missed his opportunity, let’s take a look at some legends who wrote themselves into the annals of sporting and laundry history over the years:

Cricket

Sachin Tendulkar’s nappy innings of 97 during the super sixes phase of the 2003 One Day World Cup was impressive. But the most legendary bowel movement in cricketing history goes to Dean Jones, AKA ‘That good one dayer who once crapped himself in a Test match in India?’

Jonesy showed what a real heart and jock strap is made of when he made 210 in the famous tied Test in Chennai in 1986.



League

Repeat offender Nate Myles deserves credit. Whether it is a hotel corridor or State of Origin scrum, Myles is not afraid to grip it and rip it. The Origin effort is particularly impressive given he remained conscious after it.

But sorry Nate, the greatest bowel movement in league history goes to the original bad boy, Julian O’Neil.

In 1998, O’Neil got off to a good start with his new teammates at the Rabbitohs by leaving a surprise in Jeremy Schloss’ shoe, allegedly because of his love of alliteration. After the act he proudly declared “I just shat in Schlossy’s shoe!”

MMA

Legends like Ken Shamrock, Kevin Randleman, Yoel Romero have dropped the kids off at the pool over the years. Humberto Brown, nicknamed ‘The Brown Bomber’ (seriously) made an oops during the undercard of UFC 180 before getting choked out.

But the PooGOAT in MMA is former UFC Heavyweight Champion Tim Sylvia. In 2006, Sylvia won a title-eliminator in the main event of UFC Fight Night 35 during which he admitted he “had problems holding my innards”.

Athletics

When I say Paula Radcliffe, not many people say “the woman with the world’s best time, the three-time London Marathon winner and 2005 world champ?”

Instead, they either say “who?” or “the woman who stopped to go No.2 during a marathon?”



Honourable mention to Uta Pippig, who didn’t even stop running.

Football

England took a number of Ls during the 1990 Football World Cup, finishing fourth overall. English World Cup legend Gary Lineker really solidified the traditional shaming of England at World Cups by leaving a bit more of himself on the pitch than intended during a tackle attempt against Ireland.

Lineker dragged himself across the turf afterwards, wiped his hands and, we can only assume, died inside as he realised he was at the most watched sporting event in the world besides the Olympics.

American football

Who is the last person on an NFL team you’d want to poop their pants? Probably a centre, given every play begins with the ball passing between their legs to the quarterback, whose hands usually wait expectantly on the centre’s butt.

Seahawks centre Robbie Tobeck was permanently removed from Matt Hasselbeck’s Christmas card list when he pooped his pants on the first play of the game.

Some people are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness explode into their pants.

Matt Renshaw may become a great opener for Australia over the years, but he missed an opportunity yesterday to join some of greatest company in sporting history.

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