Chapter Text

Before Pit are images of an orange mammal. All he seems to wear in terms of clothes is pants an shoes. Not to mention his face being utterly bizarre and unhinged. There’s only one thing Pit can say to that…

“…Whoa!”

“Wait, you know Crash Bandicoot’s catchphrase?” Viridi asks.

Pit chuckles. “What am I, chopped liver? I was able to recognize Mega Man when I first saw him, remember? I know my fair share of video game icons.”

“Well, yes. That is Crash Bandicoot. He’s a mutant marsupial created by the evil Dr. Cortex hoping he could create an army, and Crash would be their general.” Palutena explains.

“Of course, that didn’t go well, and the two have been fighting ever since! That’s what you get for messing with the forces of nature!” Viridi boasts.

“Why is it that all we’ve been talking about are generals?” Pit asks. “Just kinda funny.”

“Considering you’re the captain of my guard, I thought you’d like that.” Palutena says.

“All that’s doing is making me feel self-conscious comparing myself to them!” Pit replies.

Palutena nods with a smirk. “Well, looks like you have people to aspire to, then.”

“Lady Palutena…” Pit groans in defeat.

“Anyway,” Palutena continues. “Crash was actually a Skylander before most of the others. He transferred from Spyro’s original division to work in the multiversal unit. His primary ability is his power to spin into his enemies.”

“Oh, like Sonic?” Pit asks, curiously.

Palutena vocalizes a sound of uncertainty. “Ehhhh, if you wanna be technical, Sonic’s Spin Dash is more of a roll. Crash is full on spinning and twirling like a tornado. He also jumps, kicks, throws crates… but mostly just spinning headfirst into danger.”

“So, kinda like Sonic but not really.” Viridi says. “Maybe that’s why they call him Sonic’s As-“

“AAAANNYWAY, that last part about heading into danger seems especially true, Lady Palutena.” Pit points. “Crash really isn’t too smart now, is he?”

“No, he is not. He can’t even talk.” Palutena confirms. “Aside from the occasional Whoa and Uh-Oh, typically.”

“Which is probably for the best. Would you really wanna hear him talk about how he flew in from the ruins, and how his arms are tired? I’d cringe.” Viridi then lets out an audible shudder.

“I’m guessing that talking mask makes up for it, right?” Pit points at a floating tiki mask next to Crash on the image orb.

“Yes, that’s Aku Aku. He’s a friend of Crash and basically keeps him on the right path. He acts as translator for Crash, and also shields him from damage.” Palutena introduces.

“Also for the best. I can’t imagine how fast Crash would die without him.” Viridi tells the two Skyworld residents.

Palutena shakes her head.

“I wouldn’t underestimate him that much, Viridi. Crash is still pretty durable on his own. After all, cartoon physics and being a genetic experiment can help you survive some pretty tough things. Not to mention that Crash is at least intelligent enough to drive a car and race. That definitely amounts to something.”

“Oh, he can drive? That already makes him smarter than Pit!” Viridi laughs.

“I-I could drive if I wanted to!” Pit shouts back.

“Pit, you don’t even know how to read, much less drive a car. You need to consult the manual, after all.” Palutena nudges the angel.

This causes Pit’s wings to droop.

“Ugh… bested by a bandicoot… This is the Dark Souls of Guidances…”