Welcome to Week 1 of the Fake FCFB season! Happy Gameday! You may have seen this information before, but if you haven’t:

New features:

We finally have done away with the most inconsistent feature of FCFB, the coaches! Now all games will be decided via an advanced proprietary formula and the results will be conveyed to me so I can communicate them to the world.

The Coaches Poll voters have been replaced by a singular, smarter voter, who is much less susceptible to the disease of “bad lists”. The reformed poll will be posted alongside game results every week.

The Committee has yet to be selected, but will be comprised of responsible individuals not prone to committing voter fraud and related crimes.

Minor changes:

There was unfortunately no way to transfer Ekstrum’s consciousness into FFCFB, causing a non-negligible amount of despair for most Fake Fake ACC fans.

You can use “chew” to run a chew the clock play.

Spikes are automatically hurry up.

A number of other small display features and bug fixes.

Rule changes:

Delay of games always result in a touchdown and successful 2 point conversion

Kneel plays result in 2 yard loss

Safeties result a kickoff on the 20 yard line. You cannot kick an onside kick after a safety

If you have ANY questions on how gameplay works, please ask either on Discord or by PMing /u/aUSBdrive. We will be glad to help you!

But to answer some common questions for you: RNGs are not banned, and the ranges loop around. Think of it as a circle – 1 and 1500 are 1 apart, not 1499 apart.

Week 1 of the Fake Fake College Football Season was met with near unlimited anticipation, needless to say, the people were sorely missing real fake football. The polls were in, WKU would be the inaugural #1 of the new year, Notre Dame #2, UMass #3, with the rest of the poll lineup also being made up of traditional powers, such as Marshall, Iowa State, and Charlotte. There were to be some fantastic matchups in Week 1 as well, including WKU vs BYU, UConn vs tOSU, and GT vs PSU, and pundits were assuring fans that all of these would live up to the hype and then some.

Then, as the whole football world watched in awe, expectations were SHATTERED when the season kicked off. Let’s go over a recap for each conference in a wild week one.

We begin the week here in the American Conference, which was perfectly balanced this week going 6-6. For the most part the games played out decently normal, with heavy AAC title favourite Navy winning in a massive manner against the ill-prepared Bearcats. Connecticut managed to score a big win over the Ohio State University and the Big Ten, while UCF crumbled to Tennessee, surrendering three fourth quarter safeties. In a somewhat embarrassing turn of events, the Atlantic Coast’s North Carolina State Wolfpack clobbered Southern Methodist, who are clearly still reeling from the loss of esteemed coach and dietitian, Cannibal Johnson.

Next we pivot to the oh so impressive “ACC”, which managed to stumble to an 8-6 record this week. They were lead by strong performances by Boston College, and Miami (situated in Florida), but let down by disgraced Hokies’ coach, Jake Johnson, who allowed his team to fall by 36 to a seemingly insignificant Alabama side. Duke dropped a close matchup against Arkansas, possibly due to scoring 133 unanswered prior to leaving the field before the fourth quarter. In perhaps the most peculiar game of the week, Pittsburgh was only able to muster 4 points against Syracuse, who’s defense was responsible for 35 points.

The B1G was a let down through and through this week, and Purdue achieving the near-impossible was indicative of that. The Boilermakers, trailing 150-0 late in the fourth, allowed Toledo’s fullback to run untouched into the endzone, in an effort to lower the guard of their opponents on the ensuing extra point attempt. It seemed to work, as the Toledo kicker was carried all the way back to the opposite end of the field, where the ball was politely ripped from his hands and wielded by a Purduer as they went down for a 1-pt safety, making the final 156-1. Coach Boiler was quoted saying “darn” loudly after the game. Penn State’s nail biting victory on a blundered two point conversion attempt by the Yellowjackets was certainly the highlight of the week for the disgraced conference.

If the B1G’s disappointing week had you feeling down, prepare to enter a depressed vegetative state, as the Big XII managed a disgusting coagulum of a horrid week, going 2-8 as a conference. There were at least three standout performances among the rubbish, giving some semblance of hope to fans of the “conference”. The first two of course, were the wins, achieved by historic powers Kansas and Oklahoma State. Both won by sizeable margins. The third standout came in a loss, but it was a valiant effort nonetheless, as Texas fell to #3 UMass 12-10 in overtime. There is little reason to speak of the rest of the conference.

Now we pay a visit to the Conference USA, who was hit hard by horrid officiating this week, winding up at 6-8. Teams with high expectations, Marshall, North Texas, UAB, seemed to cripple under the pressure, but none came anywhere near the failure that was achieved by Big Red and the Topper gang this week. One could say they were “toppled”, as BYU consumed them 136-29. In good news for C-USAers, Rice pulled off an impressive two-way performance against South Carolina, and Colorado State helped push FIU towards a coaching improvement.

MACtion was off and on this week, with teams like Akron and Toledo committing barbaric acts of gridiron butchery against unsuspecting opponents, whilst teams such as Ball State looked like unprepared Brits out there. Central Michigan’s game against USC was perhaps one of the highlights of the week, as they were one completed Hail-Mary away from sending the game to a second overtime. Western Michigan also put up a strong effort against Georgia Southern, but ultimately came up short, leaving the state of Michigan with a 1-4 record overall.

We now fly cross country to the Mountain West, who did not have the greatest of weeks. Hawaii was touched inappropriately by Akron, losing by 117, and Fresno State looked similarly disjointed, dropping their game by 87. There was some good though, as UNLV looked eerily similar to their playoff form two seasons ago. Boise State was definitely closer to playoof mode, as their outspoken coach lost 50-8 to the Tarheels.

One of the best conferences of the week perhaps, the Pac-12 boasted a world-class performance by Arizona State, who held Ball State to a single field goal while scoring twenty touchdowns of their own. The Pac did suffer two rather embarrassing out of conference losses though, with Arizona dying by seven scores against SDSU, and Berkeley getting gator-chomped to the tune of 94 points.

The SEC batted .500, with the heartbreak of losses to Rice and Oregon State being balanced out by happy wins against California and Virginia Tech (especially Virginia Tech). Tennessee over UCF was also a significant win for the conference’s polling numbers, with a recent study determining that the SEC had regained its title as a “prestigious conference” after their performance this week. It hasn’t been confirmed, but there are reports that a convoy of UGA fans initially slated to land in Gainesville, redirected to Boca, and were there to greet the team’s former coach upon his return from Eugene.

Our final conference this week, the Sun Belt, was the most impressive of them all, sprinting ahead to a 9-3 record. There were no “huge” wins this week, with the largest coming by a margin of a mere 93 points, however the conference found and exploited consistently weaknesses in opponents’ gameplans. Widely revered as the greatest game played in Fake Fake College Football History, Appalachian State vs Vanderbilt was an all-time spectacle. Vanderbilt’s 69 yard field goal to win it as time expired is sure to become the stuff of legends, and App State’s profound and philosophically-pleasing playcalling will not soon be forgotten.

The final group of teams were those excluded from the conferences, the independents. Army vs Notre Dame was reasonably overshadowed by BYU strangling WKU on the national stage, but it was handily the second largest upset of the week, and a dismantling of all accepted football norms. Lastly, UMass held on against Texas, narrowly avoiding the trifecta of doom for the preseason top 3.

That caps off an exciting week of football, and it’s time to take a look at the Coaches Poll heading into Week 2.

We’ll be back next week with more in-depth coverage of the world of Fake Fake College Football!