While sipping wine and enjoying dinner one chilly evening in February, Kim Holmberg's boyfriend Blake Sohn told her with a straight face that he'd found an online thread claiming to have substantial evidence that Hillary Clinton is a pedophile.

"I was horrified," Holmberg says. "I said, 'That's absolutely insane. Where is this coming from?'"



It was coming from QAnon. The conspiracy theory, spread via social media, encompasses a range of pre-existing theories, from Pizzagate, to the belief the DNC arranged the murder of Seth Rich, to the idea of a witchy Hillary Clinton who oversees a coven.

For some families in which politics is already a fraught topic, the emergence of someone who follows QAnon can transform family dynamics into a hothouse of raw emotion and test relationships in extreme ways. It's not uncommon for loved ones with varying degrees of interest in conspiracy theories to reach a fork in the road. At that point, the person either accepts it or else they move on.

Holmberg and Sohn, both 60, met on Match.com a year and a half ago. They knew about their polar opposite political views and teased each other about it. She campaigned for Clinton in 2016, and he, a staunch conservative, was a Donald Trump devotee. But QAnon—which Sohn had been looking into long before news outlets like The New York Times and Washington Post started reporting on it—was unlike anything she'd heard.

One of the main QAnon theories boils down to this: According to some believers, there is a cabal of Democrats running a child sex ring, and Trump is trying to shut it down with the help of Robert Mueller. Yes, in this theory, Mueller is helping Trump. The Russia investigation, according to the theory, is merely a cover to keep the pedophiles from discovering Trump and Mueller have teamed up to take them down.

QAnon was born in 2017 after an anonymous poster on a 4chan message board (some think it was created as a hoax by trolls) claimed to be a government insider with highly-classified intel about "HRC extradition." Later, some users would nickname the poster (or posters) "Q," after Q clearance, the Department of Energy's top-secret security clearance designation. QAnon has since gained popularity on Reddit and social media, but went mainstream at a Trump rally in Florida on July 31 when people sporting "Q" shirts showed up.

A man in a QAnon shirt at a MAGA rally on July 31, 2018 in Tampa, Florida. Joe Raedle Getty Images

"The Deep, Dark Abyss"

Before Sohn told Holmberg about QAnon, conspiracies didn't have a place in their relationship. Their first date, at a restaurant on Lake Minnetonka, felt serendipitous: They were both divorced with multiple children, lived in the same Minneapolis suburb, and shared mutual friends. Within a few weeks, the couple, both Christians, had picked out a church to attend together on Sundays. Holmberg's children met and adored Sohn.

They playfully talked politics at the dinner table and, according to Sohn, the banter was challenging and "actually made our relationship stronger." When Sohn bought a Make America Great Again leash for his dog, Izzy, Holmberg joked the German Münsterländer would get "embarrassed" going on walks in the neighborhood.

Izzy wearing a MAGA leash. Courtesy Kim Holmberg

The couple, both voracious tweeters, made a conscious effort not to let their vastly different opinions ruin their relationship. "Part of what attracted me to Blake was his passion for his belief system, which my ex-husband didn’t have," Holmberg says.

But their discourse became heated when Sohn told Holmberg about QAnon for the first time. In February, she says he showed her a video called "Great Awakening," a central point of QAnon that involves breaking free from a "Deep State," or a secretive group of bureaucrats trying to control the country, to achieve enlightenment and uncover truth. He told her that people who follow Q—known for sifting through the president’s tweets, government data sets, and news sites to piece together theories—were "decent people, not out for fame or money, and... it wasn't just a bunch of crazy conspiracy theorists," Holmberg says. "I said, 'I need [you] to show me the proof.'"

Over the past few months, Holmberg says her boyfriend has been constantly reading QAnon posts on Twitter, checking threads while eating breakfast, and spending hours researching new Q "drops" or theories to determine whether they're true. While Sohn says he's looked into some claims (he declined to name which ones), there are many he hasn't yet explored.

Their conversations about Q can end in tears. When that happens, Holmberg and Sohn retreat to different rooms to cool off. Then, the couple reconvenes and hugs it out. Holmberg and Sohn both say they "love each other more than politics" (a line they borrowed from conservative political consultant Mary Matalin, who said this about her husband, James Carville, a prominent liberal and former Bill Clinton aide).

"There is no name calling or derogatory comments when he talks about Q," she says. "We really do respect each other to the point where we know to shut it down before it gets to a level of meanness."

"Still, I worry this unknown force that is Q will create an even deeper divide between us, if we allow it to continue," she adds. "Sometimes he's not sure [some theories] are completely accurate... and that gives me hope. But then it’s back to the deep, dark abyss and I’ve told him I cannot live there and I will not live there."

She doesn't want to change her boyfriend, but worries what will happen if QAnon grows. "I love that he's a passionate guy, I've just got to get this Q thing shut down," Holmberg says.

Courtesy Kim Holmberg

How Q Breaks Up Families

With a conspiracy theory like QAonon that is so multifaceted and inherently based on the news cycle, it can be difficult for loved ones to have conversations without Q coming up, according to Benjamin Decker, a research fellow at the Shorenstein Center on Media, Politics, and Public Policy at Harvard. It's not unusual for people to reach a point where they either put up with each other's opinions or distance themselves, he says.

When 49-year-old Connecticut native Susan tried to convince her Trump-supporting mother that QAnon was nothing more than a baseless conspiracy theory last year, the response was a resounding: No! Hillary Clinton was involved in this and will be charged for this.

"I was flabbergasted, it was like she'd morphed into this person that believes in utter farces," says Susan, who requested her last name be kept from this article to avoid harassment from QAnon followers. "I was sad and, honestly, worried about would come next."

At a family vacation in Florida six months ago, Susan's mother and her mother's boyfriend called her "evil" for voting Democrat in 2016 and for doubting Q—and asked her to leave the vacation early. She did, in tears, and they haven't talked since. "I would love to have a relationship with my mom, but I have to distance myself from the negativity," she says. "There's no saving her now, I'm afraid. This whole Q thing is breaking up families and it shouldn't be like that."

The most concerning element when someone believes in a conspiracy theory is if the person's "radicalization and conversion [of a theory] goes from online to real world action," Decker says.

Q followers have reportedly started to take extreme, real-world action. In June, a 30-year-old Nevada man was arrested after he allegedly blocked a bridge with his car near the Hoover Dam while holding a sign that read, "Release the OIG report." The sign referred to a prominent demand among some QAnon followers, who believe Trump has secretly been withholding a report from the Office of the Inspector General (OIG) that would bring down his enemies.

Today, more than 60,000 people follow QAnon's subreddit board and there are dozens of Facebook groups dedicated to the theory. The total number of Q followers is likely much higher, since it's nearly impossible to track all believers—and new groups dedicated to QAnon appear on social media every day.



In a White House briefing this month, press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was asked about QAnon, but did not directly acknowledge it in her answer. "The president condemns and denounces any group that would incite violence against another individual, and certainly doesn’t support groups that would promote that type of behavior," Sanders said.



If someone shows interest in a conspiracy theory, and you want to steer them away or convince them it seems wrong or dangerous, "diversity of information" is key, according to Dr. Mike Wood, a lecturer in psychology at the University of Winchester who specializes in the psychology of conspiracies. "Try and provide a point of view they aren't getting from their own information sources," he says.

Wood also points out that a sudden interest in conspiracy theories can often be linked to a major life event. "It could be prompted from something like divorce, or the loss of a job," he says. "Latching onto something like QAnon, it's not just a question of your politics, it depends on what information you're exposed to and what's going on in your own life."



While Holmberg disapproves of her boyfriend's interest in QAnon, she's trying to make the relationship work. She sends him news articles about the dangers of getting embroiled in conspiracy theories. For now, they're developing a safe word to use when they argue about QAnon.

"That way he'll know when I've had enough and we can take some space," she says. "I just want to find a way to make [our relationship] work—but I will not compromise my beliefs, nor would I want him to compromise his beliefs either."

Rose Minutaglio Staff Writer Rose is a Staff Writer at ELLE.com covering culture, news, and women's issues.

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