Not My Job: 'Top Gear' Driver Ben Collins Gets Quizzed On Richard Gere

Since Collins knows a lot about gears, we've decided to quiz him on Richard Gere.

Ben Collins is a very, very good driver. You may have seen him drive on the European race circuit, or on the BBC show Top Gear, or in the James Bond movies. He's written a book called How to Drive so that you, too, can come to a screeching stop right at the edge of a cliff. (Or so we hope.)

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

And now the game where we talk to people who are very skilled and ask them to do something they're no good at at all. It's called Not My Job. Ben Collins is a very, very good driver. You may have seen him drive in the European race circuit or on the BBC show "Top Gear" or in the "James Bond" movies. And now he's written a book called "How To Drive," so you too can come to a screaming stop, skidding right up to the edge of the cliff. Ben Collins, welcome to WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

BEN COLLINS: Thanks for having me.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So you have been driving cars very, very quickly for a long time. You started at a young age, right?

COLLINS: I did. I started age 4 I guess is my first vehicular experience on a very small John Deere tractor, which I crashed into chicken fencing because I couldn't - my legs weren't long enough to reach the brake pedals. So that was...

SAGAL: Right.

COLLINS: ...My first lesson.

SAGAL: And you said I want to crash things into things for a career?

COLLINS: I knew it. Yeah, I could be a stunt driver at that early age.

SAGAL: Right.

COLLINS: So - but I've been very lucky. I've been covering racing for 20-odd years and getting in and out of madness with the "Bond" franchise and other cool movies. So yeah, it's great - good job.

SAGAL: What makes a great driver? Is it that you have amazing reflexes? Are you fearless? Are you really dumb? Is it a combination of those things?

COLLINS: I think yeah, you've latched onto the one thing about racing is a lack of imagination because I think if you're aware of the different ways you could get killed or set on fire, you probably wouldn't be so excited about doing it. And...

(LAUGHTER)

COLLINS: Yeah, a lot of it is natural ability, but the mental side takes a lot longer to get right, the attitude. And so that's - yeah, there's two sides to the coin, really.

SAGAL: Now, you are probably most famous in the U.S. at least - maybe in Britain as well - for being for many years The Stig on "Top Gear." Now, "Top Gear's a British show, devoted - oh, you have fans right here.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Now, "Top Gear" is a very popular British show about cars and car culture and racing. Could you tell us what the hell The Stig is?

COLLINS: Well, I'll do my best. So there's this thing, it's kind of like Darth Vader but in a white suit. You never see his face. On camera, he never speaks, and his identity was anonymous - or at least mine was for a while. I lasted about eight years.

And in the end, it was in the top-10 searches of Google. So actually, I was just ahead of what is the meaning of life? So I really felt very special.

SAGAL: So you're saying, like, who is The Stig?

COLLINS: Who is The Stig? Yeah, it was one of the most-asked questions.

SAGAL: Yeah.

COLLINS: But I did fall just behind am I pregnant? So there was a limit to...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Am I pregnant with the Stig's baby?

(LAUGHTER)

COLLINS: That was - yeah, that could have been - maybe that's what they were really asking.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: What does The Stig do?

SAGAL: Yeah, you're this anonymous...

ADAM FELBER: Drives.

SAGAL: ...Figure. You're wearing a white flame-retardant driving suit, a white full-face helmet. What do you do?

COLLINS: I forgot to mention that part.

SAGAL: Yeah.

COLLINS: Yeah, so - yeah, so my job really was to test these great cars and basically everything. We had hundreds of cars from top Ferraris and Bugattis, Lamborghinis to, you know, the basic stuff, the - sort of small Fords, and so it's just everything - test them to distraction pretty much around our racing track and really sort of get as much feedback as possible but also sets a fastest time. That was part of the job, and the other part was to teach and coach celebrities. So we had Tom Cruise, Mark Wahlberg, Cameron Diaz. It was a tough job.

SAGAL: Right.

COLLINS: ...You can tell from what I'm describing.

SAGAL: You have - there's a segment of the show - what's it called? - it's like Celebrities in a Reasonably Priced Car.

COLLINS: That's it.

SAGAL: And...

COLLINS: They came along - they drove this terrible thing called a Suzuko Liana, which is - I don't know, if you go to Avis or to rent a car, it's the one you don't want and it's the only one left.

SAGAL: Right.

COLLINS: So we're talking (unintelligible) on the ecoscale.

SAGAL: And the celebrities drive this thing around a couple of laps and then you rank them on times. Was Tom Cruise - who has played a racecar driver - was he a good racecar driver?

FELBER: Or could he not reach the break?

COLLINS: He (laughter)...

(GROANS)

COLLINS: So - and actually, he - I mean, the producers were terrified. The insurance premium on him was pretty enormous. And they kept telling me to stop teaching him stuff because he was just lapping it up and going faster all the time.

And then of course, I showed him how to cut the corner a little bit, and he did it, flipped the car up onto two wheels on this concrete curb, and 99.9 percent of people, including racing drivers, would come off the gas. And you could just hear him. He was feathering the power and just keeping his foot in despite the thing looking like it was going to roll over. And more importantly...

FAITH SALIE: He felt the need for speed.

SAGAL: He did.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I have driven on just one or two occasions with very good drivers in their cars. I mean, I - people like you, skilled drivers. And I have been terrified. Have you ever been in a car being driven by somebody else that scared the hell out of you?

COLLINS: Yeah, I took an Uber last week. And...

(LAUGHTER)

COLLINS: I was like show me the (unintelligible).

POUNDSTONE: OK, I don't know if it's the same in - you live in England?

COLLINS: I do, yeah, between England and LA at the moment.

POUNDSTONE: When you come to a four-way stop, the rule in the book is it's whoever got there first or the person on the right has the right-of-way. Well, it's a square. We're all on the right.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Does that ever trouble you in any way, Ben?

COLLINS: It doesn't at all. Now that I know that I may end up driving somewhere that you live...

SAGAL: Yeah, it's terrifying. She's driving in LA...

COLLINS: Yeah, you'd probably get (unintelligible) with some huge star and...

(APPLAUSE)

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, it doesn't make any sense.

FELBER: Yes, it does.

POUNDSTONE: And who would know who got there first? I'm busy in my car.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: What about about with a grocery cart? How are you with a grocery cart?

(LAUGHTER)

COLLINS: I'm pretty bad-ass, to be honest.

POUNDSTONE: Are you? Over produce and stuff, yeah.

COLLINS: I get a little pushy. I get - that's where my road rage really comes to the fore...

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

COLLINS: ...Especially if it's a run on some of the chocolate biscuits in the aisle, then there's - you see the worst side of me.

FELBER: Do what you have to do.

SAGAL: When I'm pushing my groceries cart around, I like to draft off of other shoppers.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: No shame in that.

SAGAL: Ben Collins, it is a pleasure to talk to you. We've invited you here today to play a game we're calling...

BILL KURTIS: You're An Officer And A Gigolo.

SAGAL: So...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...You starred on "Top Gear," so we thought we'd ask you about Richard Gere.

COLLINS: Excellent.

SAGAL: Answer two questions about the smolderingly sexy actor and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners - Carl Kasell's voice on their home answer machine. Bill, who is Ben Collins playing for?

KURTIS: Kathleen Zolyak of Washington, D.C.

SAGAL: All right, you ready to do this?

COLLINS: Ready. We're in this together.

SAGAL: Now, Richard Gere - that is his real name but it is not his full real name. He does not use his full real name professionally. Why? A, he felt that his given name, Richard Gere bin Laden, might hurt his career...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...B, his middle might just confuse people because it is Tiffany - his name is Richard Tiffany Gere - or C, his name was Dick Gere, so he elongated it to Richard Gere?

(LAUGHTER)

COLLINS: Wow - that's tough. That's - I've heard something about Tiffany before though. That rings a bell. Is it Tiffany, is his middle name?

SAGAL: Well, I'm not going to answer. You have to answer. That's how this works.

(LAUGHTER)

COLLINS: OK, I'm going for Tiffany.

SAGAL: You're right. His middle name is Tiffany.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

POUNDSTONE: Wow.

SAGAL: A family name.

(APPLAUSE)

COLLINS: (Unintelligible).

POUNDSTONE: Oh, it's a family name.

SAGAL: It's a family name.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, 'cause I remember that very popular movie "Breakfast At Richard Gere's."

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now, Mr. Gere, as you probably know, has always been involved in public affairs. And in 1994, he took out a full-page ad in The London Times that said what? A, that he was in fact heterosexual, B, the ad condemned Queen Elizabeth for cruelty to work corgis, or C, demanding that the McVitie's company should immediately reinstate the manufacture of chocolate HobNob biscuits.

COLLINS: Wow. Well, the third one sounds like something I would say.

SAGAL: Right.

COLLINS: I think the corgis were OK. What was the first one again?

SAGAL: That he was in fact heterosexual.

COLLINS: Is it that one? OK, I'm sorry - it's that one.

SAGAL: Yes it is.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

POUNDSTONE: Wow.

SALIE: Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

FELBER: Wait...

SALIE: He was married to Cindy Crawford then, right?

SAGAL: He was married to Cindy Crawford.

SALIE: Yeah.

SAGAL: And there were rumors about them - that they were cheating on each other, that she was his beard, covering up for him being gay. So they took out a full-page ad in The London Times that said in part, "we are heterosexual and monogamous and take our commitment to each other very seriously," quote, unquote.

FELBER: Proves he's not and they don't.

SAGAL: They separated three months later.

FELBER: Aren't chocolate HobNobs gone?

SALIE: No.

COLLINS: No, we've got them still.

FELBER: Oh great.

SAGAL: Yeah.

FELBER: Wow, that scared me. Don't do that, guys.

SAGAL: I won't...

COLLINS: I'll bring you some...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, if they were gone, wouldn't you feel the need to take out a full-page ad...

FELBER: Absolutely.

SAGAL: ...Demanding their return? All right.

COLLINS: These are straight knobs.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Ben, you have one more question to go. Let's see if you can finish this last lap, if you will.

COLLINS: Yeah.

SAGAL: Mr. Gere really does not like Sylvester Stallone. That's according to Sylvester Stallone. In fact, Mr. Stallone says it might be because why? A, Gere had written his own screenplay back in the '70s in which he would play a struggling boxer who gets a shot at the big time and then "Rocky" came out, B, Gere really wanted the role that went to Stallone in the movie "Judge Dredd," or C, Gere blames Stallone for spreading the infamous gerbil rumor.

COLLINS: Whoa, whoa. That's harsh. I'm going to have to go for the first one...

SAGAL: You're going to go ahead for the first one...

COLLINS: The screenplay.

SAGAL: ...That he wrote his own screenplay that "Rocky" ruined?

COLLINS: Yeah.

SAGAL: No, I'm afraid it was actually the third one.

COLLINS: OK.

SALIE: Wow.

SAGAL: Sylvester Stallone in an online interview said Richard Gere - he just doesn't like me, and I think it's because he thinks I'm behind the gerbil rumor.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: By the way, I'm just going to say...

FELBER: Still works...

SAGAL: ...The gerbil rumor total fiction, OK?

SALIE: You read it in The Times?

SAGAL: I did.

SALIE: Yeah.