Small breeds, whether it’s Chihuahuas or Pomeranians, are interesting creatures. According to a study we conducted ourselves from, uh, our heads, small dogs rule the world. Despite being small in stature, they make up for it with their big, mischievous personalities. Here are 14 super scientific “facts” that explain how.

Fact: Most small breeds have a behavior tic called “sneaky-itis.” This condition causes them to wait until you leave and then start rolling around in your bed, eating your leftovers, and watching soaps all day. They stop as soon as the human returns.

Fact: Because of their cunning intellect, small dogs are great at plotting how to get what they want. Scheming is their speciality, so don’t plan on eating that English muffin.

Fact: Contrary to popular belief, small dogs do not roll on their backs to show submission. Instead, when small dogs flash their bellies, it’s a show of dominance and a demand to bow down to their cute perfection…or else.

Fact: When dogs pick professions, small dogs are 70% more likely to choose “groovy school counselor from the 1970s.” They mostly do it for the turtlenecks.

Fact: Small dogs keep careful tabs on their humans at all times. They take the data and compile it into a “burn book” they keep hidden from humans to be used at an undisclosed date.

Fact: Because they’re petite, small dogs are more likely to perch themselves in positions that make them look authoritative. If the first thing you see when you wake up is your dog, you might be in the presence of a dog who’s challenging your place of power.

Fact: When welcoming a new baby, small breeds undergo a process called “eliminating the competition.” The dog devours the baby and takes its place, a predatory technique that goes largely unnoticed by the human.

Fact: When small dogs are wet, they go through a process called “not cute-itis.” To alleviate this, they wrap themselves up in towels to maintain their adorableness. Having no towel leaves them susceptible to negative side effects, like….

….’nuff said.

Fact: When you’re not looking, small breeds are 60% more likely to steal your man. Bold ones like to do it right under your nose.

Fact: When at a bar, small dogs are more likely to be served first. Yep, even before you. I mean, how can you resist?

Fact: When small dogs reach the age of 6 (40 in human years) they suddenly get the urge to do an Eat, Pray, Love across the world. Fortunately, they always return home–usually in a cute outfit.

Fact: Small dogs are 70% more likely to learn a hobby, the most popular being hula hooping. They stand in the middle of the hoop and then wait for their humans to come help…just as they planned.

Fact: Small dogs are always excited when they hear a bag open, but are always disappointed when they see it’s just kibble.

Fact: Small dogs own you, and they know it.

Feature image via @diana.jpg