I’ve always been misunderstood

I like the things that people always seem to overlook

Vienna was one of the cities where a VIP upgrade was available. I considered getting it for a long time, especially since it was my (adopted) hometown show and the last one I’d be doing on the tour, but I ultimately decided against it because the price just seemed too steep for what was offered. But then… work connections turned out to be useful, and I got an email at 5PM telling me to make sure to get to the venue by 6, and when I got there I was told that I’d been put on the VIP guestlist +1. What is life?! I thought that would only get me into soundcheck (which was really all I cared about), but both me and A. even received the goodies (a laminate and a limited edition signed and personalized (they were pre-signed, and the name added by the merch guy) live album exclusive to the VIP upgrade, recorded at the Weekender Festival in 2013), which was really unexpected and ridiculously nice of the tour manager, who handled the check-in.

There were about thirty people including us, and since no one seemed to be in much of a rush to get to the front, I got a perfect center spot, the best I’ve had all tour! Steven’s stage manager then went through the pit and handed everyone a black To the Bone guitar pick (a thicker variety than the blue ones he uses on stage)—there was one from soundcheck on the floor, and security picked it up and put it in my hand saying “now you have a blue one too“. I gave it to the girl next to me since I already have a bunch, paying that karma forward.

Steven came on stage not long after, wearing what I call his “VIP soundcheck sweater” (the striped one), and between coughs he confessed that he’d been sick the last few days, so what he’d do to save his voice to get through a three-hour show is play us one song, and then bring the guys out for a full band instrumental. He introduced his unplugged song by saying that “it’s one a lot of people seem to ask for“, before launching into a gorgeous acoustic Trains! I love this song so much—I can’t relate to it, exactly, but it evokes the same kind of generalized childhood nostalgia in me that I otherwise only get from Ray Bradbury’s Green Town books. It’s a fairly vocally demanding song, and he completely nailed it; before every long note I sort of anticipated his voice faltering, but it never did, and it just sounded so full to me, as if there were more involved than just an acoustic guitar. The band then came out, and while they were getting plugged he said that this was a song some people may have heard, but not for a long while. It was Sectarian, the perhaps most heavily King Crimson-ish song he’s ever written, reminiscent of Fracture—not my favorite (me and Grace For Drowning have a bit of a complicated relationship), but it was pretty awesome to get a full band song and see them play in this setting; it felt less like they were performing, and more like they were having a friendly jam. The tour manager then took some group pictures of us (the girl I’d given the pick to sent them to me afterwards), and as a final song, Adam Holzman played an instrumental version of Abandoner, which was lovely, but oh, what I wouldn’t have given to hear Steven sing it!

There was a group of middle-aged guys directly behind me who I could tell would get annoying—the one dude especially just couldn’t shut up, and had to comment on every little thing. When Steven first came on stage he remarked about his haircut, when Adam was done and thanked us from the edge of the stage, he told him “I can also play something if you want!“, to which Adam replied “uhhh, it’s not really an open-mic type situation“, and after he’d left he told his friend how he easily could’ve played the song in his stead. Right, buddy. I was wearing a Roger Waters tour shirt, and he tried to strike up conversation with me, but it wasn’t so much about the The Wall show he’d also seen, but rather about how he can perfectly play the solos in Comfortably Numb, and I had zero desire to indulge him in his not-so-humble-brags, and he eventually got the hint.

Despite being my hometown show, this particular venue was a first for me as far as concerts go—I’d only ever seen musicals here before. They set up the hologram curtain, and when the band came on stage I was fully in my element and aware that it could be the last time I’d see these songs live, or this particular line-up, which has come to feel less like “Steven Wilson and musicians” and more like an actual band. Unfortunately, my bliss was pretty short-lived, since a short woman (Spanish or South American judging by her accent) pushed her way to the front and joined the by now slightly drunk noisy guys behind us and sang along to Ninet’s parts in Pariah in a horrid off-key singing voice at the top of her lungs (hey, I can’t hold a tune either, but I’m aware of it and don’t subject everyone around me to it because I know that people payed to hear the artist on stage, and not me).

I couldn’t enjoy the song at all, and when Steven first spoke to the audience after it, I completely missed the first part of what he was saying because she launched into a shouted conversation with the chatty guy to the point that she completely drowned Steven out. My boyfriend shushed her a few times to no avail, and after another minute me and the girl next to me snapped at the exact same time and turned around to tell her to shut the fuck up, which shocked her into silence (at least for a few songs). Anyway, apart from that, the applause was the most thunderous and prolonged I’ve seen yet, it made Steven theatrically checked his non-existent watch. I missed the first bits of his speech, but he asked who’s seen him before (“perhaps last year at the Gasometer?”, he put the emphasis on the wrong vowel, it was cute) VS. who’s seeing him for the first time, and when it seemed quite even, he said that he likes feeling like he’s not exclusively preaching to the already converted, and that diverse audiences are his favorite because they show that his music can potentially appeal to anyone, and he might be making some new fans tonight.

Don’t Hate Me continued the set, and this was my best view of the visuals yet, a fully immersive front and center color extravaganza. Of course it’s not all about the colored raindrops though—there’s actually pertinent footage shown before the solo that matches up with the lyrics perfectly: Light snow falling on London, an underground train pulling into a station, blurry people hurrying on on deserted-looking streets. It’s so beautiful! I also want to stress again (at least I’m pretty sure I’ve gotten into this before) how much I appreciate this particular song in this live incarnation. I was familiar with the 4½ EP version featuring Ninet before I knew the original from Stupid Dream (don’t judge me), and I always found it a creepy song—I mean, it’s essentially about unrequited love that turns into stalkerish obsession—but the female perspective on it kills that vibe for me, so I much prefer it when there’s only male vocals singing the chorus and final verse.

I have a confession of my own: I didn’t take many notes after this particular show, and it’s now been a month, so my memory is fuzzy, and I only remember the most salient of information. I tried getting help from A. when I sat down to write this, but he also said that while it was one of the best shows we saw on the tour, he didn’t retain all that much of the banter because the people behind us were so distracting. With that said, I don’t recall exactly which tangents he went on as he introduced Same Asylum, but I do remember that he said that “no one enjoys it more when I mess up than Craig Blundell“, in regards to playing the solo without looking at the guitar, because “he loves it when *airquotes* the boss fucks up”, all while Craig was agreeing with exaggerated head nods and a huge grin on his face.

I enjoyed Get All You Deserve much more than in Luxembourg, and not just because I thought its spot on the setlist more fitting tonight rather than as a main set closer—even though I couldn’t see him actually work the distortion pedals because his monitors hid them from view, seeing the lighting show from straight on made more visual sense. Just as the noise reaches a climax, so does the brightness, and the transition into Ancestral was seamless, and worked really well!

The Grace For Drowning visual came up half-way through the intermission again, and it’s just so cool—he should consider always having something play during the intermission, for the people who don’t leave the auditorium because they don’t want to lose their spot (i.e., me), it really helps with maintaining the atmosphere. The second set started with No Twilight, which was as intense as the first time I saw it, if not more so—the guys came on stage one by one as their respective instruments were due, and when Steven appeared after the initial jam he crouched on the floor again, putting his finger a fraction from it to get them to play more softly before his guitar part joined in to form that insane wall of noise.

The absolute highlight of the evening was Index, which was nothing short of mind-blowing. I mean, I’d already loved it in Luxembourg, but seeing it front and center definitely added to the immersion, and thus to the creepiness factor: The music video features the two sure-fire things needed to make my skin crawl, bugs and mannequins, and the “remixed” version to fit the even creepier, slowed-down live version has lots of strobe-light-like effects that make it even more ghastly. Steven reached Bratislava-levels of disinhibition with his dance moves, it was pretty damn hot and thus very conflicting with everything else going on, haha (I couldn’t resist turning two of A.’s iPhone Live Photos into gifs!).

I don’t remember exactly what he was talking about when introducing Permanating, but it was the perfect set-up for me to yell out “disco dancing!“, which made him go “yes! thank you madam“, which is how I’d like to be addressed by everyone from now on, thank you. He then added that “Alex Hutchings has promised me to show off his disco moves on stage tonight…“, at which point he turned to look at him, and Alex was sort of crouching low with one leg stretched out while doing little hops, which rendered Steven speechless for a couple of seconds, before he turned back to the mic and dead-panned “…they appear to be from the 50s“. There were a few odd boos from the audience when people realized what song he was about to play, enough for him to go “nah, don’t be like that” and talk about the good pop he grew up on, “back when pop stars used to have a personality, fuck me! Imagine that“. We were pretty crammed at this show, so there wasn’t a lot of space for dancing, but it had the added bonus that it was the first gig I saw on this leg where I wasn’t distracted enough not to notice the amazing rainbow lights! So great. I love that he follows up the darkest songs with this joyous piece.

Lazarus was tainted by the lady behind me singing along again, but after the first verse I decided not to let her ruin it for me, and I managed to somewhat tune her out. Detonation felt endless at this show, I don’t know—I didn’t enjoy it as much as I usually do. He’s always moving all over the stage during this song, which was pretty bad luck, because he managed to lose his ear-piece during this one. They couldn’t find it for the longest time, and everyone started looking—venue security, more crew came from back stage, plus the whole band joined in. He apologized for the hold-up a few times, while the annoying (and apparently quite clueless) lady kept yelling “you don’t need it, just play!“. The chatty dude behind me seemed to have a better understanding of how live shows work, and remarked “it’s expensive” loud enough for Steven to hear it, and he said “yes, it’s expensive because it’s molded to fit my ear“. At one point he went “you’re getting this unique and exciting experience free of charge!“, and after what I’m pretty sure must’ve been a good five minutes, Craig found it somewhere at the back keyboards, everyone cheered, and Steven said “I feel bad because Craig gets bullied by all of us so heavily. I’m sorry Craig, will you please forgive me?“, and Nick even went down on his knees in front of the drumset, while Craig pretended to be offended and refused the apology with crossed arms and his face turned away, haha.

Song of Unborn followed, and I thought that it was especially gorgeous tonight, it almost made me cry. Vermillioncore and Sleep Together then closed the main set as usual, and for the encore, he immediately came back with Adam rather than just with his practice amp, and it turned out that we got a double piano-acoustic encore—Blackfield first, followed by what I’d been pining for since the Polish shows (well, no—since it first popped up at some VIP soundcheck or other!): Sentimental! He said that that particular album is the most metal-infused thing he’s ever done, but that there are some ballads on it as well. He made some crack about Porcupine Tree having released ten albums, “and then I figured that was enough“, which was pretty funny in context, but also kinda sorta broke my heart and dashed my hopes for an eventual reunion, haha. The song was just beautiful—I felt that Adam improvised some bits (although it may just have been that I payed more attention to the piano part since it was stripped back), and there was a bit straight out of Trains towards the end that made the whole audience cheer (and confused me until I could place it)!

He didn’t bully Craig during the band introductions, but rather called him “my hero tonight, Mr. Craig Blundell“, while Nick’s intro played out the exact same way as in Bratislava the previous night, with him reacting to Steven’s “who is this tall lady with the beautiful blonde hair and deep voice?” by undoing and sexily shaking out his hair. The Sound of Muzak got the perhaps most successful sing-along I’ve seen on this leg of the tour, it was lots of fun, and from a visual stand-point, this was the best Raven I’ve seen yet, because from where I was standing, Steven all but became a part of the video—it made for one of my favorite shots on the tour!

I’m so grateful for this evening—my hometown show ended up being really special with getting to experience the soundcheck on top of one of the best SW shows I’ve seen, and if this had been it, it would’ve been the perfect way to wrap up my little personal To The Bone tour… except that a weekend later my hand and credit card slipped, and I impulse-bought tickets and flights to Kiev to see the actual last show of the tour. Oops? But that was an idea that hadn’t even entered my head at this point, so this show, however unlucky I was as far as the crowd in my immediate vicinity went, was a wonderful send-off, and felt bittersweet.

Setlist » E x c l u s i v e V I P S o u n d c h e c k «

Trains (Porcupine Tree) (SW solo acoustic)

Sectarian (full band)

Abandoner (Adam Holzman solo) » F i r s t P a r t «

Nowhere Now

Pariah

Home Invasion

Regret #9

Don’t Hate Me (Porcupine Tree)

The Same Asylum As Before

Get All You Deserve

Ancestral » S e c o n d P a r t «

No Twilight Within The Courts Of The Sun

Index

Permanating

Song Of I

Lazarus (Porcupine Tree)

Detonation

Song of Unborn

Vermillioncore

Sleep Together » E n c o r e «

Blackfield (Blackfield) (acoustic SW and Adam Holzman)

Sentimental (Porcupine Tree) (acoustic SW and Adam Holzman)

The Sound Of Muzak (Porcupine Tree)

The Raven That Refused to Sing