Take the Internet Addiction Test

Think you’re spending too much time surfing the Net? Chinese doctors have come up with an official test to see whether you have a real problem.

All right, ready? Take a deep breath…here we go.

1) How many hours do you spend online a day?

If the answer is less than six, you’re clear. No addiction whatsoever. Go home.

More than six? Keep going.

2) Which of the following symptoms do you experience?

Difficulty sleeping

Difficulty concentrating

A constant yearning to get online

Irritability

Mental distress

Physical distress

Have at least one? You, my friend, are an addict — at least, by the now-official Chinese definition. (If you have four or more, then, we assume you are the online equivalent of a raging crackwhore. Congrats.)

China has actually had a clinic for Internet addiction for about three years now and also runs “boot camps” for those who feel hooked on the digital drug. The nation reports about 10 percent of its population as being “addicts.”

Ten percent? That number seems a bit low, given the generalized nature of these standards. Of course, I’ve been online for about eight hours now, didn’t sleep enough last night, and am feeling rather irritable at the moment — so I might just be having too much difficulty concentrating to be able to fully comprehend.