Kim Jong-un Wins Trip To China

(ACPA-Pyongyang) North Koreans are glowing with pride following yesterday's announcement that supreme leader Kim Jong-un has won a trip to China after being been awarded 'Haircut of the Year' by North Korean Barber magazine.

Winning 'Haircut of the Year' is widely viewed as a tremendous honor with previous recipients including Kim Jong-il, Mao Tse-tung, and a younger Vladimir Putin, who still cherishes the award as a reminder of his once flowing locks. This year's prize consists of an extended vacation in beautiful Hangzhou and leader Kim is reported to be giving serious consideration to the trip.

Fringe Benefits

The award announcement cited several factors behind the inspired choice. It noted that "the sharply trimmed aspect suggest the neat look of a proletarian toiling nobly in a field while singing patriotic songs. But the top of the head presents a complementary image, that of a non-revisionist intellectual imbued with a hint of socialist romance. There is nothing tawdry, just coiffure and flow. It's handsome enough to elevate a modest North Korean lady's heartbeat but there is no risk she will lose her sense of decorum."

"Normally we don't announce the winner until December," said a spokesperson, "but the supreme leader has been ahead of the pack all year and with that razor precision and the totality of tonsorial presentation, we believe there is no valid reason to wait until the end of the year before announcing his inevitable victory. And we know he would love a trip to China."

"I must admit to taking pride in my hair, just like my good friend Dennis Rodman, but it's still an unexpected honor," said Kim before magnanimously awarding two sacks of rice to be shared among the judges.

Meanwhile, a going away parade is being planned for downtown Pyongyang should leader Kim accept his prize, with a million North Koreans expected to turn out to cheer him off.

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