Joe Soucheray is a sad, sad man who has the English composition skills of a tortoise on quaaludes. When he is not on the radio regaling his audience of bariatric shut-ins and compulsive sock-sniffers with tales of his imaginary village, he "writes" barely comprehensible word salads for the St. Paul Pioneer Press on such topics as why people with their hands in their pockets deserve to be murdered, why pedestrians who are struck and killed by cars had it coming, and why our daughters will be raped if we don't have the government telling people where they can or cannot go to the bathroom (interestingly, he was much more sanguine about credible reports of child abuse by his archbishop). He is a continuing embarrassment to journalism, the town of St. Paul, and sentient life in general. A Potato That Kinda Looks Like Joe Soucheray, on the other hand, is a starchy, tuberous staple crop that is largely incapable of expressing any opinions whatsoever, and can be cooked and eaten if necessary. Therefore, we the undersigned, demand that the St. Paul Pioneer Press replace Joe Soucheray with a Potato That Kinda Looks Like Him.