I’m not the first person to attempt this, there must be shitloads of Chetan Bhagat inspired stories from every other engineering college in India. I’m not going to abnegate, the melodramatic quotient in this post. After 3 years of engineering , I question myself ‘What have I really learned?’ . I get no satisfactory answer from my brain. Maybe I’ve learned how to build an electrical circuit on a bread-board or adding two numbers in MATLAB. That is about it, the bare minimum required to scrape through to final year. The irony being, I feel enlightened regardless of that. This is the place, where I studied nothing yet learned everything. I’ll try and abridge my experiences.

1) Swear words are brotherhood’s equivalent of marriage vows. They are more sacred than anything you will ever worship. ‘BC’ epitomizes everything you will ever stand for. You become a sacrosanct for using it. No moral authority will judge you for using it.

2) Maggi is a life saver. It has saved more lives over the past-decade than Mother Teresa in her entire lifetime.

3) You might bullshit your professor, your lab assistant, your intern guide. But, never, even for the high one might get of accomplishing the unaccomplished, try to bullshit your H.O.D.

4) Pink Floyd. Led Zeppelin. Tool. Jimi Hendrix. Need I say more?

5) Even God plays Counter-Strike and DotA.

6) Hostel mess might screw up your body clock, but, you’ll survive on almost anything later in life.

7) Escher’s definition of reality is an Engineering college.

8) After 3 years, I’ve realized I can forego sleep for 46 hours. I can now sleep at will (Classroom hours don’t count.)

9) I learnt that not all police officers can be bribed.

10) Switch off your phones and go offline after getting drunk. Just saying.

11) Professors will make you a better judge of character. Most of them will blatantly lie to your face. “This is an easy course, everybody will get above B grade, none of you will be debarred for attendance.”

12) Relationships are overrated. No I mean like seriously. I won’t question your integrity if you tell me that you’re too busy for a relationship. Grapes are always sour my friend, always.

13) End semesters are your professor’s idea of poetic justice.

14) Murphy’s laws are true. Seniors will be hotter than girls from your batch. Attendance will be taken only when you’re absent. This shit prepares you for life.

15) You’ll automatically learn to hide food. This place makes you a manipulative bastard.

16) Answer correctly, no professor will remember you. Be late for a class by 10 minutes, you’re marked down for execution. Coup d’état, you can’t so shit.

17) Money, like food is scarce. Food, like money is all powerful.

18) Don’t travel without tickets. Just saying.

19) Never, even when your life is at stake, answer a call from your home in a room full of friends.

20) Cleanliness is overrated, washing your clothes is overrated, having a bath daily is overrated.

21) Your roomie knows more about you than your parents, so be careful when you invite people for your wedding.