Movies are like Netflix, but you pay more and have to leave your house!

by Frida Oskarsdottir

I go to the movies more in New York City than anywhere else I’ve lived, which is ironic given the prices and wealth of things to do here compared to a lot of other places. Yet something about entering a cool, dark room in which you have nothing to do but let someone else’s best attempt at art wash over you is hard to resist. I know I’m not alone in my affinity; in more than half of the screenings I go to I’m forced to sit in the first row of a sold-out theater because I refuse to show up more than 5 minutes early to anything, really. Here are some thoughts on the 2018 summer films I’ve air-conditioned my way through:

Eighth Grade

Director: Bo Burnham

Rotten Tomatoes: 98%

Runtime: 94 minutes

Alternate Title: Puberty: A Horror Anthology

Why should you see it? This movie might break you. A specific, unsentimental, smart, profound glimpse into my deepest insecurities adolescence, perhaps the best part about this film is that it clocks in at just over an hour and a half. PRAISE BE – as someone who sees a lot of movies, let me tell you that they just keep. Getting. Longer. CUT IT DOWN, FRIENDS. Brevity aside, I loved Eighth Grade. The euphoria of a new friend, the singular gut-punch of loneliness and the widening chasm between teenager and parent, it all felt a little too real for this formerly acne-ridden viewer. I give it 4 headgears and would pair with an oily appetizer that will go straight to your T-zone.

Most memorable scene: The gloriously specific choices made in this movie are what elevate it past a lot of other coming-of-age films; what especially killed me dead was the perfect casting of Kayla’s love-interest, Aiden (of course his name is fucking Aiden). When this kid materialized at a pool party with his scrawny pale body and icy blue eyes in oversized swim trunks, I went into a middle school blackout, right back to drooling over an equally pubescent Chris Redacted who, looking back, bore more resemblance to Gollum than a man. Aiden holds complete power over Kayla while doing exactly nothing to earn it, which hit so close to home it might have knocked on my door.

Related reading: Eighth Grade’s #MeToo Scene Will Shake You To Your Core by Anna Sillman for The Cut

Emoji Story: 😬🍌😢📱😭

Sorry to Bother You

Director: Boots Riley

Rotten Tomatoes : 94%

Runtime: 111 minutes

Alternate Title: Capitalism is Evil: Bet You Didn’t Think There’d Be Horse Penises

Why should you see it? If you’re bored of seeing movies that you can predict the ending to after the first five minutes, maybe check this one out. Boots Riley’s surreal satire is equal amounts comedy, social commentary, and sci-fi, and its unabashedly socialist leanings are sure to entertain viewers fed up with our failed two-party system. Peppered with just-realistic-enough absurdities about workplace culture and income inequality, Sorry to Bother You extends its metaphors gleefully past the place where other films may have stopped, which I always appreciate.

Most memorable scene: Lakeith Stanfield being forced to rap at Armie Hammer’s cocaine-fueled, yuppie-nightmare party was just as horrifying as it was hysterical, and I’m definitely not allowed to recap the lyrics for you.

Related Reading: Searching for Detroit: Sorry to Bother You’s Female Lead Is More Symbol Than Person by Jourdain Searles for Bitch Media

Emoji story: 📞💸👀💀🐴🍆

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Director: J.A. Bayona

Rotten Tomatoes: 51%

Runtime: 128 minutes

Alternate Title: Escape from Trash Island: She’s Not Wearing Heels This Time

Why should you see it? You absolutely should not. That being said, if you, like me, have a shitty day and decide to drown your sorrows in a bottle of red wine surreptitiously mixed with a giant Coke (don’t judge, it’s Spanish) and some DINO DNA, go forth my friend. As far as easy to digest action movies with, wow, another crazy hybrid dinosaur go, you could do worse. Just don’t be let down that even a brief Jeff Goldblum cameo can’t take this story back to its 1993 glory.

Most memorable scene: When they reveal 30 minutes before the movie ends that a tertiary character is a clone and everyone in the theater collectively goes “Wait what?” and then you realize that this is the second movie in a trilogy and the stakes could not be lower for plot points that they can wrap up next time.

Related Reading: “The ‘Jurassic World’ sequel achieves the impossible: It makes dinosaurs boring.” by Travis M. Andrews for The Washington Post

Emoji story: 🏝🦎🏰👫😑

Ocean’s 8

Director: Gary Ross

Rotten Tomatoes : 67%

Runtime: 111 minutes

Alternate Title: I Wanted To Like This So Badly: A Film Starring Everyone

Why should you see it? Full disclosure, sometime last year I spent the majority of a hungover Sunday watching all three Ocean’s remakes. And I LIKED EM. Part nostalgia, part socially-ingrained worship of charismatic male lead actors, part ignoring Don Cheadle’s unbelievably bad Cockney accent, whatever it was they worked. My point is that this all-ladies sequel was tailor-made for me – I watched the trailer about 30 times. Maybe over-hyping was my downfall, because 20 minutes into this movie, I peered over at my husband to mouth the words “I’M BORED” and was met with his “I already know what you’re going to say and don’t say it because this is a quiet place” look he always does when I inevitably start whispering. But I was bored and I felt bad about it – something about the pacing and clunkiness of the ensemble left me cold. And now you know my darkest secret.

Most memorable scene: Despite my lackluster review I certainly didn’t hate this movie, which I thought made a lot of clever choices. The best of which is that while the viewers are behind the scenes with the criminals watching the master plan come together, we aren’t totally in on all of the secrets. Watching them unfold at the Met Gala was genuinely fun, the whimsy of which I wish had continued throughout.

Emoji story: 💎👗👠😴

Related Reading: Anne Hathaway Wins Ocean’s 8 by Jia Tolentino for The New Yorker

Hereditary

Director: Ari Aster

Rotten Tomatoes :89%

Runtime: 124 minutes

Alternate Title: Will I Ever Feel True Happiness Again? Toni Collette Says No

Why should you see it? A lot of people loved this movie, which has a lot going for it. I don’t know that I can use the word “love” about something that essentially held me captive, A Clockwork Orange style, and force-fed me series of deeply upsetting scenes until my body went numb, but it was definitely something. Toni Collette will never fail at anything she does, so she can check “disturbingly unflinching portrayal of a woman on the edge of sanity” off her list and head back to “quirky Australian” now (please).

Most memorable scene: As a fan of Rosemary’s Baby, the homage at the end of Hereditary winked at me, but it also was kind of a let down. The movie was nothing if not original and it felt a little bit like the ending was picked off of a horror-movie dartboard. Oh also, the part where the kid’s head gets chopped off.

Related Reading: It’ll just scare you.

Emoji story: 😱😱😱😱😱💁

Crazy Rich Asians

Director: John M. Chu

Rotten Tomatoes: 93%

Runtime: 121 minutes

Alternate Title: Everyone Is Hot: This Movie Was Made of Air and I Still Cried At The End

Why should you see it? If you’re expecting dissent from the praise heaped on this movie since it came out, look elsewhere because I freaking loved it. Simultaneously silly and meaningful, Crazy Rich Asians was just straight-up fun to experience, with the added bonus of knowing it’s proving anyone who thinks people won’t go see movies with a predominantly Asian and Asian-American cast deeply wrong. This film also had a lot of abs, colorful outfits, and jokes, which means I was doomed from the start.

Most memorable scene: Crazy Rich Asians was elevated above a run-of-the-mill romantic comedy for a lot of reasons, but we all still knew how it was going to end. Why then, did I find myself weeping and thinking about how much I loved my family while two very attractive people embraced and brandished a giant ring on screen? Just movie magic, I suppose.

Related Reading: This Twitter Thread by Kimberly Yam

Emoji story: 🌹🌴🍇🍭🌈🌀🍸💅💖