Over the weekend, in addition to celebrating Mother’s Day with any or all of his three wives, former presidential candidate Newt Gingrich uploaded a video of himself rambling on about cell phones. Essentially, he does not think they should be called “cell phones” because they have things like apps, GPS services, and cameras—and this, we guess, is not the cell phone ole Newt knew and loved during his boyhood in the 1880s? (The name of the video is “We’re Really Puzzled.”)

Gingrich wants your help in renaming the device; he originally thought “handheld computer,” a name he probably scribbled in marker on a window in a Princeton academic building, John Nash–style. But he's since trashed that idea and needs a new one. Maybe this will inspire you?

The video highlights:

0:35: His pronunciation of Wikipedia. (“Wick-ee-pedia.”)

1:33: Gingrich means to say “breakthroughs” but says “breakouts.” As in, “breakouts that are going to dramatically change how we operate.”

2:30: He misuses the word “literally.” He instructs viewers to leave a comment about “what would you call this [raises cell phone] so that we can explain to people that they carry in their hand literally the potential to have a dramatic revolution.”

__2:46:__Nails it this time! He says “breakthroughs” instead of “breakouts.”

Throughout: He holds the cell phone the entire time. As if its corporeal presence is necessary to our successfully following Gingrich’s dazzlingly abstract ideas.

Any thoughts? We’re pretty sure we’re going with “Newtometer.”