Lessons in Parenting: If Your Baby Falls Out of a Stroller, PUT DOWN YOUR F# [email protected] Phone

By Dustin Rowles | Miscellaneous | September 10, 2012 |

Look: I don’t know who Peaches Geldoff is. Isn’t she the daughter of someone from Pink Floyd or something? Anyway, she’s famous for being famous, I think, which is a circular given in our celebreality-driven culture. She was married to Thomas Cohen, who is a singer who I have never heard of, who is probably also famous for being married to a famous person, who was only famous by virtue of being famous.

Are you following my drift? Because I got lost about a sentence and a half ago. Point is: I don’t care who Peaches Geldoff is. What I do care about, however, is her poor parenting decisions. Roll paparazzi photo tape, via The Daily Mail:

Notice in all the images above the placement of the phone.

Now, I have three adorable kids, one of whom I dropped off at his first day of kindergarten this morning (it looked like a scene in a movie where a screaming child was being taken away from his parents by child protection services, and I’m still feeling a little traumatized by it). I don’t claim to be an amazing father (although, I am, I really am), but I have a rudimentary understanding of how parenting works. As such, I feel I’m qualified to dispense this advice: IF YOUR CHILD FALLS OUT OF A STROLLER, PUT DOWN YOUR FUCKING PHONE.

What is she doing? Is she dictating the incident? Is there someone on the other end of the line who needs to do know that her baby has just fallen out of a stroller? Unless the goddamn leader of a nearby fascist nation is on the other end of that phone threatening to drop a nuclear bomb on all of London if she hangs up, there’s no excuse for not dropping that fucking phone and tending to the child immediately.

Fortunately, the child was OK. How do we know? Because Peaches took to Twitter to blame the construction of sidewalks for her own goddamn stupidity. For all we know, she stopped to tweet her complaint with the London sidewalk system sometime between the time the baby had fallen to the sidewalk and the time she decided to get her sweet ass in gear and pick the baby up.

Also, what the f**k kind of name is Astala?

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.