So the new Star Trek movie finally has a director (Justin Lin) and a release date (July 8, 2016). We're all terrified it's going to be kind of rushed, and maybe kind of dumb. But what's the worst that could happen? I bet we can come up with something. What's the absolute dumbest Star Trek movie plot you can think of?


For what it's worth, incidentally, I'm cautiously optimistic about Justin Lin as director of Trek 3 — he directed one of my all-time favorite movies, Better Luck Tomorrow. And we thought Fast Five was a surprisingly great superhero team-up movie. The real question is whether he can make a release date 18 months from now, without cutting too many corners.

But meanwhile, let's put our thinking (dunce) caps on and try to come up with our best intentionally idiotic Trek storylines. Please include some kind of illustration for your brilliant exercise in Trek vapidity. Thanks!


I'll start: So we bring back Harry Mudd, because everybody loves charming rogues and he's sort of like Star-Lord from Guardians of the Galaxy if you squint. But there's a wrinkle: He's selling Tranya, the beverage that Balok was addicted to in the episode "The Corbomite Maneuver." Harry Mudd has somehow convinced Balok that he's a major important drinks distributor, because as we all know Balok is incredibly gullible. (Balok's gullibility is basically the main plot of "Corbomite Maneuver.") So Balok gets talked into a really shitty contract to become a Tranya wholesaler — but then it turns out that Tranya really is super addictive, and it makes you act silly. Like, "Naked Time" silly. Spock gets completely blitzed on Tranya and starts having crazy relationship drama with Uhura. And then they meet God. But he's evil!

OK... your turn!