Coming to terms with coming out by Elena Demetriou

Lesbo, lezzie, queer, fanny basher and muff muncher. These are some of the names people call me. It doesn’t happen every day, but these names stay with me, making me feel vulnerable, an outcast. They don’t know what I go through, what obstacles I have to jump every day due to my sexuality.

How did I know I was a lesbian? I tried going out with boys but I felt uncomfortable with them. When I was with girls I felt at ease. You hear stories about young people going through phases, especially in their teenage years, and that’s what I thought might be happening to me. I was so confused, it was getting me down, and I needed to talk to someone.

I went to see my school counsellor. She told me to think it through, gave me details about a community centre nearby holding meetings for girls questioning their sexuality. I went along to discover people just as confused as me and began to realise I must accept who I was.

When I first came out, everyone asked me: ‘was it difficult…?’ Definitely. I was scared people would judge me and act differently. The biggest hurdle was telling my mum and dad because I’d read about parents kicking their kids out for being homosexual.

They’d call me names like ‘he/she’ or ‘man beast’

However, I told them and they were okay. They both said it didn’t come as a surprise as they guessed some time ago: I never wore skirts, always trousers. I enjoyed football, basketball, rugby and tag rugby; I played with Action Man rather than Barbie. I haven’t told the rest of my dad’s side of the family, I’m waiting for the right time, they are a bit old fashioned and I’m unsure how they will react.

When I did come out to my friends they were cool with it. They would question me with ‘are you sure?’ I would tell them time and time again that I was, it’s just my sexuality that’s changed not my whole personality.

I couldn’t let the bullies know I was defeated. I had to hold my head high and show them I’m stronger than I look. The consequences of the bulling haven’t all been bad. I am now stronger, happier, more confident and determined not to get pulled down! I don’t need to hide my sexuality any more. I feel free.

If you are questioning your sexuality like I was then talk to someone you can trust or go to some support meetings that help young confused people. Or, if you know for sure, visit websites that help you find out more about being gay, lesbian or bisexual.