With the passing of my school mate by several decades Mr. Kofi Annan I had to do some thinking on my own obituary. Everyone wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die, not me! You see for me “it’s the depth of life that matters not the length.” Like the saying goes ”let the moments in life count, don’t just count the moments.”

Sometimes I ask myself what I want people to remember me for. Having lived in all strata of socio-economic spheres, I firmly believe that the destiny of a child should not be determined by the parents he or she was born to! That is why I am passionate about and donate to causes that help bridge the gap of opportunities between the haves and have-nots!

If wishes were indeed horses, I would rather die in my sleep peacefully in my great village of Kwahu Pepease, at the ripe old age of 70 years! In present-day America however, where mass murders is now an acceptable occurrence it would be malfeasance if I don’t update my obituary yearly because my next trip to Walmart could possibly be my last!

I have always wondered how terrorists commit suicide and mass murder in hopes of getting 77 virgins in heaven to sleep with! I wonder if similarly there might be 77 virgin males awaiting the female suicide bombers as well! I have a feeling heaven may be overpopulated when some of us get there! Too much sex with too many virgins!!!

So things that are irrevocable fixtures on my wish list are as follows

I need to be buried in the great village of Kwahu Pepease My coffin has to be draped by the red and black colours of Mfantsipim school and I demand that Old Boys sing all 8 stanzas of MHB 832 That anyone who comes to mourn at my funeral shall incur the wrath of my ghost and suffer severe beatings! Instead, hire a live band and make merry

Let me start with my disappointments! My first one was and still remains my failure to be a professional stand up comic! I got bad advice from my parents, that is what it is!

Secondly, I have not as yet been able to publish a book! Can you imagine that people like Sean Spicer, yes that Sean Spicer who falsely claimed under duress by the Emperor that the inauguration crowd of 2017 was the largest in history has published a book? Omarosa Manigault has a New York Times bestseller, ain’t life a bitch?! To all publishers out there my book ”chronicles of a shitholer” is for free!

This year the update to my obituary was simple and obvious! I stood up to the fake Christians who attempted to misappropriate biblical verses to defend bullshit!! And although I may not be a practicing Christian I was able to delve deep into my Christian knowledge and called them out when they used Bible verses to defend cruelty of separating children from their parents, for seeking asylum!

That would be it for now, please keep on enjoying life one day at a time. We would catch up again on my next update.

By Dr. Yaw Berko an Internal Medicine Physician practicing in Wisconsin, USA

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