CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Nearly a quarter of the Australian population are today enjoying a brief reprieve from the lacklustre national broadband, as a non-password protected internet WiFi option became available across Sydney today.

Spy agencies say they are not yet 100% clear on where the ‘GOOD FREE INTERNET !! 免费上网’ network is hotspotting out of, but the ability to stream videos and download large files has overshadowed all national security concerns.

“It’s amazing” said one ASIO official.

“I can actually use Google Earth without the maps buffering”

However, some woke Twitter users say that the high-performing network may have something to do with the three Chinese warships that arrived in Sydney Harbour yesterday. They have since been told to shut up because Fortnite is finally working properly.

In fact, it seems that no one is really concerned, because Australian internet is so bad that most people would actually give away all of their personal information to foreign governments if they could watch Game of Thrones without having to have a Foxtel cable pulled out of the ground and run into their living room.

One local Sydney Resident Kirra Billie (24) says this is the first time she’s been able to scroll social media while in her bedroom, without having to disconnect from her own internet network to rely on 4G.

“It’s so good. I can even stay connected while on the train!” she says.

Kirra says “GOOD FREE INTERNET !! 免费上网” is even better than the internet she’s experienced in Singapore airport – and she for one, welcomes our new Chinese overlords.

“I’ve always thought Huawei is a necessary evil…” says Kirra.

“But now I know for sure. Bring on the 5G!”