On this, the 20th anniversary of the release of that seminal ’90s classic, True Lies, won’t you please spare a moment to appreciate one of the greatest thespian talents of this (or any other) age? No, not Tom Arnold. Who even are you? I’m talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger. The man sh*ts brilliant acting choices, and I have proof. Draw a bath, light some candles, and treat yourself to Arnie’s 20 greatest line readings.

The raw anguish on display in this clip from Kindergarten Cop! The despair!

He doesn’t even use words, and yet he has so much to say.

Schwarzenegger’s deadpan delivery in this clip from 1986’s Raw Deal may seem, to the untrained, to be evidence of lack of empathy… or, even more egregiously incorrect, of a lack of acting skill. But I invite you to look closer, straight into the eyes of the Ahnuld. His stoic delivery hides a deep well—nay, an ocean—of caring. To release it would be to drown the world in its wake.

Only godless heathens could possibly drink and bake after they’ve heard Arnold’s moving plea.

“For the first time in my life, I’m… [How to properly express anger. Be powerful, yet subtle. I can do this.] PISSED OFF!”

The amount of gravitas he displays in just a few short words never ceases to amaze.

Arnold may not be so well-respected as other acting powerhouses like Wahlberg, Wiseau, and Kutcher, but that’s more a testament the naturalness of his style than anything else. You don’t even notice he’s acting! He becomes his characters. Verily, his work in Predator brings a tear to the eye.

And stellar moments like this one is why people love Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines so much.

With his “You’re luggage,” from Eraser, Schwarzenneger is every scriptwriter’s dream: an actor who delivers dialogue in a way that is emotionally powerful, but subtle enough not to overshadow the brilliance of the written word in its own right.

Really, what can one say about Batman & Robin? It is the culmination of every trick Schwarzenegger learned up to that point.

It’s clear that he’s at a creative peak. How could three-time Best Actor Oscar nominee George Clooney hope to compete?

It’s enough to bring a grown man to tears.

A lesser appreciated part of Schwarzenegger’s ouevre, The Running Man is nevertheless a groundbreaking work with much to say about anarcho-communist economic theory and its relation to the ideas of 17th century philosopher John Locke.

And here’s Ahnuld threatening to ram his fist so far into a dude’s stomach it will break his godd*mn spiiiine, graagh!

Every time I meet someone new, I’m going to tell them they should clone themselves, and if they don’t respond with “Why? So I can f*ck myself?” I’m going to immediately terminate our acquaintance.

This one will stay with me on a deep psychological level. I’m never eating another cookie again. My waistline thanks you, Arnold.

Arnold is truly one of the greatest humanitarians in all of recorded history.

He would never be false with us. Or defecate on us.

COCAINUM.

And, naturally, from True Lies:



How has he not won an Oscar yet? You’re fired, Academy!