The footballing world is full of terrible badges, perhaps no where else will you find more tinpot designs than in Spain. Many of these couldn’t be further from representing the quality and technicality of Spanish football. So prepare yourself for crowns, shields and a lot of Microsoft Paint. Here are the 15 worst badges in Spain’s top three leagues.

15. Deportivo Alavés (LaLiga)

Football logo or 1990’s coffee cup? This pale blue design wouldn’t look so bad if Mary-Kate and Ashley hadn’t scribbled all over it. Looking at Alavés’s previous designs, they should at this point go minimalist and just revert back to a basic flag design. That default Wordart ‘D’ and ‘A’ also needs changing. The most startling thing about this design is that they began using it in the noughties. If they are always late to the party then the next design will obviously take inspiration from the Blackberry logo.

14. SD Ponferradina (Segunda)

This one isn’t too bad, the crown has enough detail without being overwhelming and I like the shield shape. The football has a simple design and the colours are well balanced. The problem is the castle. Why is there gaps between the three parts? Could they not have added a little more detail? Task an artistic 10 year old with designing a better castle and give them access to Adobe. I’m telling you, you’ll get something better than this.

13. SD Ejea (Segunda División B)

Hey look! It’s a scrap of paper from a Secondary school history textbook. I have to give credit too for the fantastic use of Wordart at the top. This expert knows how to use all the effects that Word has to offer. We aren’t looking at just one type of blue, but a whole spectrum of blue. The best thing about this design is the triangular shape and with a touch up to the colours and a simplified, modern redesign of the horse it might even look… nice.

12. UE Cornella (Segunda División B)

Its the logo of the new academy that’s opened up in town. You know, the one that has a Latin motto and prides its logo on its important ‘symbolism’. When designing this, I’m sure someone just shouted “Catalan fire” because this badge is full of it. I have to ask though, what is that blue cow horn all about? and can someone just straighten it out? The text at the bottom of the badge couldn’t be more generic and I’m not entirely sure what that is at the top. Are we looking at two birds? Or is it two snakes with a feather boa? It could even be a two headed snake bird. Try again lads.

11. CD Numancia (Segunda)

This shield reminds of a head-prefect badge. It should be adorning the breast pocket of a school blazer, instead it’s on the shirt of a northern Spanish club. This badge looks like it’s the product of a school too – when your year 7 art teacher takes you to the I.T. rooms. This may be the finest example of a castle and monarch constructed from basic shapes. It wouldn’t take much to update this badge but any future design needs to fix the monstrous castle turret and its royal household.

10. CD El Ejido (Segunda División B)

El Ejido, the new leisure centre in town. The changing area isn’t clean and the receptionists enjoy a cigarette out of the fire exit. The pale-blue faded ring with the imperfectly placed footballs scream a rushed job. It’s a mystery to me why ‘El Ejido’ is in bold, it ruins any sense of symmetrical design. The four parts of the central shield are a problem too. The water design would look okay if not for the abysmal shiny green at the top of the section. The building on the left is acceptable, but the shiny effect is not. Yes guys, we know you’re a football club – no need for another Clip Art football. And again, we have the name of the club, this time in a bizarre font that contrasts the clear name in the ring. Start over.

9. Atlético Malagueño (Segunda División B)

Atlético Malagueño is a reserves club for Malaga CF and it shows. This badge is the type you expect to see in a knock-off shop selling t-shirts designed like the replica shirts, complete with a creative own brand badge. Seriously, that basic representation of a castle and town designed by club investors with no eye for design is supposed to be reminiscent of the scene on Malaga’s club badge. In fact the whole badge is a homage to their parent club. The enormous ‘T. M.’ is an eye sore and would be hugely better at the foot of the badge. Some positives – the shape of the shield is effective and I enjoy the retro feel of the football and font. I just wish they had used a single shade of blue. This reserve side either needs to use the Malaga badge like it should according to league rules, or the it needs to develop its own identity if its going to use a personal badge on its website and promotional material.

8. SD Leioa (Segunda División B)

I swear the catholic primary school down the road had this badge. Religious figure with lamb – check. Castle or tower – check. Vegetation or fruit tree – check. All terribly illustrated – check. Did the club employ a school to create these scenes? Most probably. One thing is for sure, the block writing’s imperfections causes anxiety. I actually love the colours on this badge but its difficult to take seriously when you expect a school side to exit the tunnel. Feels like a knock-off San Lorenzo logo.

7. C.D.A. Navalcarnero (Segunda División B)

Something just isn’t right about this design. The two points at the top of this shield feel slightly crooked. I’m in favour of minimalist logos, but this is plagued by a lack of clarity. I fail too see how the awful sketches of two towers and a football represent a small area of Madrid. This badge has been created on the cheap and doesn’t convey any identity of the club apart from a bloody long name. Someone must have liked the look of the U.S national teams badge and used it as inspiration with this monstrosity.

6. CD Tudelano (Segunda División B)

I see a face. An angry face with a bowling ball for a nose. Another crown tops this design off, but that’s perhaps the best thing about this badge. We have another crappy illustration of a castle, and some water that is as plain as my social life while writing about football badges. I actually appreciate the ying-yang look of the two sides of this badge, but I cant help but feel it would be so much more effective without the execrable gold outline. Unique, but so too is the Naked Mole Rat .

5. Marbella FC (Segunda División B)

Marbella is known for its impressive sandy beaches and comfortable resort. It’s also got a reputation for its parties and drunken nights. I sense this badge was designed after a late night foray into the clubs and bars of this seaside resort. The badge looks dated and although the sun is an understandable addition, it feels tacky. Okay, lets talk about that football. That is an example of someone being asked to draw a football – complete with panels – on the spot. Irregular polygon heaven. Fortunately, I don’t think it would take long to update this badge if put in the hands of professionals.

4. UD San Sebastián de los Reyes (Segunda División B)

This badge belongs to a club just north of Madrid. First, the parts that are okay. I like the shape of the design and the use of stars, specifically the cluster representing the club’s ties to Madrid. I also like the the font used with the club’s name. All of those positives though are overshadowed by the amateurish attempt of constructing that awful fruit tree. ‘Sanse’ is the club’s nickname, but please use another font that doesn’t look like the sign of an American themed diner. I just feel like there is too much going on, but a simplification of the design could look good.

3. UP Langreo (Segunda División B)

It looks like this badge was made in a single afternoon when the club suddenly realised they needed a design the day before the start of the season. This screams panicked deadline to me. I like simple football badges, but this is ridiculous. The off-centre ‘DE’ is irritating, and I’m sure a simple Google search would offer a better designed football to take over the odd yellow addition we see here. The flag is a good addition but with nothing else to compliment it, this design is forgettable.

2. Extremadura UD (Segunda)

Oh my… This is hard to look at. They clearly settled on the shape of the shield before anything else, which has led to the club separating their name into two. In fact, it’s remarkably similar to a intonation guide to improve pronunciation – change your tone as the words letters change. Maybe I’m wrong and this badge is actually a genius educational tool. No, honestly, I’m right, its crappy. The left section of this badge sees the use of an enormous ‘E’, which frankly looks out of place and unnecessary. And lets talk about the fruit tree, it’s not the first we’ve seen and again its been thrown together by a chimp. It feels like the image of the tree has been pasted into the section, and the designers have forgotten to fill the rest of the section with green. The best part of this badge is the blue and maroon stripes which thankfully they’ve got right.

1.CF Fuenlabrada (Segunda)

This is a car-crash. So many colours used – including different shades of blue and green. The edge of this badge is traditional, but it adds enormous chaos to a badge that has too many elements. The central, modern-style football contrasts the historical design of the border – it feels like seeing a desktop computer in a heritage museum. The top left section is supposed to be a cliff edge, along with fields and a church. It’s terrible. Baked beans in a bath has more artistic quality. The castle on the right isn’t too bad, but the brown background removes any charm. And lastly we have an awful town and football pitch illustration. It seems a desperate attempt to fill the bottom half of the badge. Everything regarding this bottom section is imperfect – the nets, the pitch’s lines, the buildings. They have even used a different blue to the other section. This club logo needs to change – go back to basics. The town has to have something more interesting than a castle and a cliff, and a quick internet search reveals it has an iconic fountain and a substantial amount of railways – both could be integrated into a minimalist design. You’re the childhood home of Fernando Torres for godsake. Make El Niño proud.

Know any other terrible badges? Let me know at tomwelly27@gmail.com