In Narrative Land, the biggest story in the hockey world today was Adam Oates calling out Alex Ovechkin for quitting on the play that resulted in a third period goal for the Dallas Stars. But c’mon, it was already 3-0 at that point. How much would one more goal hurt? Other than, ya know, emotionally.

The hockey media went all out covering the living ish out of this quote. How would Ovechkin react to being literally thrown under a literal bus by his head coach? By driving his six-figure price-tag car to Georgetown and shopping at the Nike Store with his two Russian bros.

So I guess Ovi’s not exactly devastated by his coach’s heel turn.

Thanks to RMNB’s Igor Kleyner, here’s what Ovechkin, Orlov, and Kuznetsov are actually saying.

Alex Ovechkin: Kuzya, you really did some serious shopping, eh?!

Dmitry Orlov: It’s as if you came here from ChTZ (Chelyabinsk Traktor Company)!

Dmitry Orlov: Hey, look! He is turning red!

Evgeny Kuznetsov: Well, what can I say? A misfortune came upon me!

Unlike Los Angeles, where Dmitry Orlov had to carry the bags because he lost rock, paper, scissors, this time Kuznetsov got the short end of the stick in Georgetown today. Even the usually reserved Orlov ragged on Kuzya, insinuating that the Chelyabinsk-native looked like a hillbilly coming to shop in one of the classiest parts of Washington D.C.

What have we learned today? Don’t believe the narrative.

Also: these dudes really seem like a blast to hang out with.