With Sebastian Vettel expected to reveal his move to Ferrari at any moment, Fernando Alonso has shocked F1 followers by announcing that he is to stay at the Italian team for 2015 to race alongside the German driver, and also Kimi Raikkonen who simply cannot be bothered to get out of the car.

Matters are further complicated by news that Lewis Hamilton is preparing to renege on his contract with Mercedes and will also join Ferrari for 2015. ‘Every driver secretly wants to race for a certain Italian team,’ the Briton said this weekend. ‘And I don’t mean Andrea Moda.’

As if that wasn’t enough, factory sources say boss Sergio Marchionne believes only someone of Italian descent can raise morale at the team and has personally bought Daniel Ricciardo out of his Red Bull contract so that he too can race for the Modenese team next season.

Ricciardo will be joined by surprise signings Sergio Perez and Esteban Gutierrez, both hired in secret by Marco Mattiacci because he ‘really likes Mexican food’, and shock recruit Luca Badoer who was accidentally promised ‘one more go’ at F1 racing in a drunken but legally watertight agreement with outgoing Ferrari boss Luca di Montezemolo.

In unrelated news, Ferrari has said it ‘does not oppose’ the suggested move to three car teams and would be ‘very happy’ if this was expanded to ’10 or maybe even 12 cars each.’