Ahh, it’s just another day. Or so it seems…

“Ha, if he only knew what was coming his way today. If he did, he wouldn’t even bother to get himself out of bed this morning.”

“Who the hell does he think he is, anyways? Who says he gets to be the heir of the family? I mean, we all grew up together, didn’t we? Shouldn’t we all just have an equal shot?”

“Pff. Who needs them. I’ll start my own legacy.”

“Yea… that’s right. I’ll make my own legacy and steal the spot light. There is no way anyone would be able to shine in comparison to me.”

“Yeah. I got this. I can steal this whole god damn show all to myself if I want to. And no one, especially him, can stop me.”

“Why? I’ll tell you why.”

Chloe: Because I’m Chloe mother-fuckin’ Lyons! And today is the day I finally make my stupid idiot cousin Topher cry like a little bitch.

Topher: Dude! You suck! Stop stealing my kills! Go farm somewhere else!

Ryan: Uh, last time I checked, Topher, you were standing on my property lines.

Layla: Seriously? Give me that controller, Topher. You dweebs are so bad at this. Watch, I’ll wrack up all the XP in half the time.

Caroline: Layla, don’t get yourself in the middle of their fight, I’ve seen them destroy one another too many times, they will drag you down with them.

Ryan: Holy shit it’s not just a game! It is our life!

…

Topher: Yeah, well, it is pretty silly just to fight over it, I mean, it’s not like matters. None of it is real, anyways.

Tanya: I…

Ryan: Topher, you are just sayin that because you fuckin’ suuuuuuuuuuuuck!

Tanya: I-I think he is good!

Topher: Huh!?

Topher glanced over to the couch and in fact, the entire room fell silent when they realized that Tanya actually finally said something.

Topher: You think I’m good?

Tanya: Y-yeah..

Caroline: Holy freakin’ crap, we have been living in these dorms for two weeks together and she finally speaks up and it’s just to compliment your shitty gaming skills? Is this the twilight zone? Is this real life?

Tanya: W-well… I.. I should go…

Layla: Holy moly she really can speak…

Ryan: Not right now, Lay, I’m trying to level up past Topher’s character!

Topher didn’t know what to say.





Layla: Am I the only one freaking out here?!

Layla was looking a bit frightened, it really was in fact the first time that Tanya had spoken a single word since they had all met and moved in together at the beginning of term. It was quite a big deal. And to speak to Topher, no less?

Caroline: Shit Topher, get on that. She’s talking to you!

Tanya slowly approached Topher as he rose from the couch. The truth was, Tanya had a major crush on Topher and he was just clueless. They bunked in the same room together and she even went out of the way to design and decorate it just the way he would like it. But silly Topher was ever so clueless and just thought she was a really nice girl.

Topher: Err. uh.. so, um…

Ryan launched off the couch and sped walk to the door.

Ryan: I’m not standing around to watch this get awkward and weird. I’m out of here.

Just as he was leaving, Chloe barged into the room past him.

Ryan: Oh- oh hey, Chloe! Hi! How are.. um.. hi. You uh, might not want to go in there, you’re uh.. brother… I mean cousin is like, weird… and um… gosh did you do something to your hair today? You just look so…

Chloe: Beat it, Furbie.

Ryan: I, uh… yea! Okay…

Chloe slowly began to creep up behind Topher. Her targeting was locked and she was in for the kill.

Topher, oblivious, continued to have his conversation with Tanya.

Topher: I uh.. so, how is school, Tanya? Aren’t you an art major or something?

Tanya: I’m in… digital illustration and g-graphical design. I want to design comic book covers for a living.

Topher: Whoa, cool! You know, I have artists in my family! Yeah, my uncle Adolf used to be really into painting, only it was like, super creepy stuff like of my mom sleeping in her cell when she was kidnapped by him or by other victims covered in blood and stuff.

As Topher and Tanya continued talking in the living room of the dorm, Regina came in to find out what all the commotion was. She was stopped at the door by Ryan though.

Regina: What the hell is going on in here, Ryan? I’m upstairs trying to practice my routine for my big performance and your loud mouths are making me totally miss all of my important moves!

Ryan: Honestly, Regina, you might just want to stay out of all of this. Yeah, definitely would be better if you just went upstairs. It’s getting real awkward and weird in here.

Caroline: Jesus Christ, I’ve never seen anyone blow a chance to get laid so badly…

Topher: And so my mom escaped that awful place and ran away to the hospital and gave birth to me! My uncle Adolf thought he was the father, but really he wasn’t and it turns out that my real father was actually Adolf’s brother, Carl. He got really upset about that one… so he found my father and killed him in his own backyard in front of a bunch of people…

Tanya: U..uh huh…

Chloe: GYAAAAAHHHHHH~!!

Chloe lunged at Topher, scaring him out of his wits. He turned and scream at Chloe as she made a horrendous face.

Topher in fact was so frightened, that he peed his pants right there in the living room out of pure fear. He turned to run away out of the room, but not before Layla was able to snap a picture of it all.

Layla: This is the most amazingly embarrassing thing to have happened in this house just yet.

Topher angrily made his escape out of the room, but not without taking a quick glance at Regina’s firm yet supple gifts from the angels in heaven.

Ooooh yeah….

Unlike Topher’s obliviousness to Tanya’s crush on him, Regina was well aware that Topher had been pining after her for the past two weeks, ever since they met, and she made sure she flaunted her goods every which way when he was around.

Topher: Great oogly moogly, if I could just have one second of my life with my face snuggled in between those babies, I would die a happy man.

Caroline: Oh… oh my god. How pathetic… It was right open for him, we could have so easily watched the two of you finally hit it off… but he had to go and piss himself.

Tanya: Y-yeah…

Layla: Don’t worry, Tanya. Now that we know you aren’t some silent psychopathic killer, we can help you out. It’s obvious you like that boy, we will just have to figure out a way to get the two of you weirdos together so you can bask in each others’ awkwardness.

Caroline: Hm…. yes… Yes, we will make this happen.

Meanwhile…

Topher: God damnit, Chloe… How embarrassing… it was bad enough that the kids back in elementary school called me bed wetter because of her… now how am I supposed to ever face them again? Let alone Regina… God, I’m an idiot!

Topher: It’s all her fault. Why does she have to do that? She’s always making my life a living hell. First with fooling me into not rooming with her and Kristoff and now this… I wonder what he is doing right now…

Kristoff: Hm…. Yea…. yes..

Kristoff: Aw, yeah… that’s the spot… Right there.

Kristoff: Oh wow, that’s just… that’s perfect. Yep… hm…

Kristoff: Maybe a little more to the left… oh! There we go! Ooooh boy!

Kristoff: Uh huh… oh… oh yes! YES!

Topher: Hey Kristoff, do you have any more of that homemade mayo like you made last week? Kristoff?? Hellloooo?

Kristoff: Uh! Oh god! Topher don’t come in! Oh jesus!

Topher: Dude, where the hell are you…?

Topher: Dude, what are you doing in there??!

Kristoff: I swear it’s not what it looks like!

…

Topher: Are you still photoshopping the pictures from our birthday last year, dude?

Kristoff: They just… they just came out so well, I can’t help but use them for practice.

Topher: Dude, it’s time to drop the dream of being the next photo editor for Vogue magazine. You’re in school for computer sciences for pete’s sake!

Kristoff: Yeah… I know, but I mean.. it’s a hobby. Isn’t it good to have something to help you get out those angry feelings all the time?

Topher: I guess…

Kristoff: I mean, take this picture of Chloe for instance. I did this last week when she really pissed me off by leaving the wet towels on the bathroom floor.

Topher sighed and laid it down for Kristoff.

Topher: Dude. I don’t know how much more I can take it. I know you and I don’t see eye to eye and aren’t exactly on friendly terms, but that Chloe… I think we both can agree that she is a menace.

Kristoff: I tried to be on her side in all of this in the beginning, that dog eat dog mentality of hers just got to be overkill. She needs something bad to happen to her to put her in her place.

Topher: You know what, you and me, we could make a pretty good team in all of this. We could get her back for every rotten thing she has done to us since we were young.

Kristoff: What do you have in mind?

Topher: Something that not even Chloe can stop from happening…

Oooh, it sure seems like Topher has toughened up a little bit since we last saw him. He’s got his sights set on a girl in town, someone seeking his affections and now he is teaming up with Kristoff to get revenge on poor Chloe? Let’s face it, she had it coming, but what possibly could it be?!

Tune in next time on Desparate Housewives to find out what happens next!

To be continued! ☺