



CSMs and 1SGs discuss new things to freak out about.

It was a dark and stormy night in the heart of every SNCO that read about the daylight death of the PT Belt. For time immemorial, this piece of military fashion has given countless CSMs and 1SGs moments of orgasmic ecstasy as they knife-handed offenders from across parking lots and PT fields.





With each memo signed by Secretary of the Army Mark Esper, it seems CSMs, 1SGs, and even the SMA are finding it difficult to find things to obsess about. Secretary Esper's memos are inspiring outgoing, bitter Warrants to force SNCOs to come face to face with their own ridiculous logic.





Many of these SNCOs are turning to support groups to discuss their feelings and help each other cope during this time of perpetual memo crisis. WOMAN was given a rare glimpse into one of their sessions.





During a moment of sharing that is no longer required to be logged into DTMS, one 1SG said, "I hadn’t authorized winter PT uniforms and a warrant showed up wearing a jacket. When I informed him of his error he asked me why we don’t dictate when jackets are worn with the duty uniform. I didn’t know..." He then sobbed uncontrollably.





A visibly shaken CSM had this to say: “I made the LT build a new cover sheet for all leave packets that had to be signed off by the PSGs and 1SG before being processed. The warrants just started putting their DA31s straight into GEARS...that’s it! Just a DA31! What in the HUA-F%&$ is going on out there, HUA!?!?" The CSM then tucked his knees to his chest, and rocked slowly as he muttered "Airborne" over and over again.





The iconic Warrant Officer hair, once enraging the upper echelons of the enlisted corps, is now turning them into empty shells of their former selves. A PSG was overheard saying, “I told a W2 his hair was touching his ears. He said the reg only mentioned not going OVER the ears. He was right.” Several SNCOs then began rummaging through their wallets for ACE and MFLC cards.





The real life vignettes continued:





“A W2 parked in a spot I had labeled ‘visitors only’ then tried to walk across the street for the Division run. When I stopped her and told her to move her car she said the only legal reserved spots were for handicapped, battalion CDRs/SGMs and above. I told her I’d call the MPs. Then she called the MPs! She was right... I told her I’d tell my BC and HE’d order her to move her car. She said she’d wait. When the BC asked her to move it she just said ‘roger Sir,’ got in and drove off. The run had started while we were waiting and she didn’t even go!” He then scream-cried into fistfuls of 1st Cav patches.





“When I tried correcting a W3 for his hair he said that it didn’t touch his eyebrows. I told him it can’t touch the eyebrows ‘when combed.’ He asked me if I intended to put hands on him to verify...I just sulked away, I’m not losing my retirement over this shit.” Reliving the moment in his mind, he tried to form a knife-hand, but he found himself unable, his hand shaking as if it too was in shock.





None of them were available for comment following their session.





Warrant Officer Morale Association News







