KENT REGINALD | Sports Psychology |Contact

Netflix have today announced the release of a brand new True-Crime documentary miniseries, dedicated to the on-going investigation into the mysterious disappearance of the entire Australian Cricket team during their recent tour of England.

The new series reportedly chronicles the journey of dozens of detectives and investigative journalists, spanning two continents and 5 cricket grounds, as they attempt to piece together the exact sequence of events that led up to the team’s now infamous 5-0 whitewash at the hands of the English.

“In recent years, Netflix has very much become the home of spine-chilling and gripping True-Crime documentaries”, said Netflix CEO, Reed Hastings, in a press release. “With recent runaway successes such as Making A Murderer proving that audiences want more true crime than ever before, we felt that this was the perfect time to help document one of the most baffling mysteries of the last two weeks – the disappearance of the Australian Cricket team from almost every match they took part in during the recent tour of England”.

“It is a mystery that has haunted people all over the world for days and days. To lose a series 5-0 is a tragedy, but to lose it to England is nothing short of an absolute crime”.

“This is a mystery that is close to my heart, having heard about cricket once from a drunk Australian man who kept yelling “bowling, Shane!” at me even though my name is Reed and I was nowhere near a bowling alley at the time”

The documentary, which some reports are suggesting is called Making A Shit Cricketer, reportedly delves into everything from the fact that the batting was shit, to the fact that the bowling was shit, to even, if some rumours are to be believed, the fact that the fielding was shit. It also contains interviews from several people closely connected to the mystery.

“It’s incredibly gripping stuff”, said one source, who spoke on condition of anonymity but also wanted to make sure everyone tuned in to watch his brand new reality show, Warnie. “It really dives head-first into the events that took place that fateful day in June. And that other fateful day in June. And that other fateful day in June. Also, that other fateful day in June. And that last fateful day in June. Fuck, this team sucks”.

The documentary is also rumoured to contain stunning new revelations about just who was involved in the unexplained absence of anything resembling skill or talent from the Australian team during the series. Fans have theorised for days who the major players in this saga may have been, with almost all in unanimous agreement that it wasn’t the Aussies, who can’t reasonably be called ‘players’ at all.

While no official release date has been confirmed, Netflix have announced that the documentary will become available on the streaming site in the near future, just as soon as they finish recording the Ian Healy voice-over where he just cries into the microphone for 10 minutes.