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Recently, I was talking with a young friend about her upcoming temple sealing. She is planning her own wedding next year, and found herself with questions. Her own Endowment left her feeling unprepared and nervous, which I suspect is more common than we generally admit. Sometimes we imagine comfort in saying “It’s so wonderful!” or “It will be the most beautiful day of your life.” Maybe this is reassuring for some people, but for me, when undertaking something as serious as promises with God, I need to know more.

We can actually talk about the temple, respectfully, in far more detail than we usually do. When I was preparing for my own endowment, my friends were kind enough to sit me down and answer all my questions. I had taken the temple prep class several times, but going over the Plan of Salvation, while important, didn’t really tell me what exactly was going to take place.

I decided to share similarly with my engaged friend what she could expect on her Sealing day. Here is my advice:

If you are already endowed, go and do proxy sealings beforehand. Everything about the proxy sealings is the same, with the exception of your names and a word about posterity, as it will be in the live sealing. It’s the best way to sit with the language and feeling of the ceremony and process your thoughts and feelings.

Planning your Endowment for the day of the Sealing is a LOT to process, and I recommend doing it at least a week beforehand. This will do two important things: you will have time to ponder the Endowment, and you will not have to stress about further ceremonies on your wedding day.

You will be wearing your full temple ceremonial clothing over your wedding dress. If your dress has sleeves shorter than wrist-length or a scoop-neck, you will be provided with an over-jacket to cover your arms and chest, an then you will wear your ceremonial clothing over that. It’s a lot, and it can be quite warm. Many brides opt to wear their temple dress for the ceremony, and their actual wedding dress after. This is perfectly fine, and there isn’t one right answer.

Prior to the sealing ceremony itself, once you are completely dressed, you will be presented to your husband at the veil in a truncated veil ceremony. Your soon-to-be husband acts as proxy for the Lord at the veil. The two of you will then proceed to the sealing room, where any family and friends who are temple-worthy will be present.

Sealing rooms are small, even in larger temples. If you have a large Mormon family, the chances are great that they may not be able to accommodate everyone. If you have a part-member family, non-members will not be allowed in to see your Sealing.

There will be two male witnesses of the Sealing. The witnesses sit next to the sealer at the front of the room, while you and your spouse kneel at the altar. The witnesses must be men. You will choose the witnesses, and often they are the fathers of the couple, but they don’t have to be.

The Sealer, if you don’t have one you have chosen yourself, will simply be assigned from the set-apart temple Sealer(s) working that day. The Sealer will usually give a short exposition on marriage and sealing and offer some words of advice prior to the actual scripted ceremony. This can be lovely, or it can be benign, neutral, weird, or brusque, depending on his viewpoint. They are people, and while almost always kind, they are sometimes harried, especially in a busy temple at a busy time of the year. Think of Fast & Testimony meeting at your wedding. There is no way to know what will be said, unless you have picked the Sealer yourself.

There is no place during the Sealing for an exchange of rings, or for personal vows of any kind. The ceremony is short, simple, and takes only a few minutes.

You will kneel across from each other at the altar, clasp your hands, and pledge to give yourself to your husband. He will pledge to receive you. He will not reciprocate in giving. Neither of you will say “I do” but rather you will both say “Yes.” The Sealing is then pronounced.

For a family sealing where there are children to be sealed to the couple, the children are brought in after the couple is sealed, and they are gathered around the altar with the kneeling parents. The children are dressed in all-white but nothing ceremonial. One at a time, their hands are placed on top of the parents’ clasped hands, and each child is sealed individually to their parents.

That’s it. You stand, regard yourself and your spouse or family in the mirrors of the Sealing room, and you’re done.

I offer no opinion on how anyone should feel about this—each of us has to make these calls for ourselves based on our personal prayers, hearts and families. For myself, my husband and I were both recommend holding members in good standing, but we opted to do a civil ceremony and be sealed a year later. It was the right call for us, but I know many other people who have been happy with doing it all in one day. I don’t believe there is a right answer, only what works best for you and for your family. As with everything, you are entitled to inspiration for you, for your marriage, and for your life going forward. Best of luck to you!