I’m sure you’ve all imagined what it would be like if the mascots representing schools in the NCAA Basketball Tournament went head to head. If you haven’t, allow me to do it for you. Below is what would play out if, instead of a basketball faceoff between schools, it was an all out war between mascots.

Rules:

-Goes by name of mascot only, not the physical representation of mascot, unless name is vague (i.e. a color).

-We will be going by what the mascot is in the real world, not on the basketball court. So, if a school is represented by a Bear, it sends a real bear to the tournament, not a man in a bear costume.

-If the mascot is human or humanoid, we will assume they are armed if their name implies it. So, a Musketeer, Warrior, etc. qualifies, whereas a Boilermaker or Hoosier would not.

–The vast majority of matchups and outcomes will be based on ridiculous hypotheticals and personal opinion. If you disagree or have better ideas, feel free to make it known.

ROUND OF 64

SOUTH

Play-in:

(16) Mississippi Valley State Delta Devils vs. (16) Western Kentucky U Hilltoppers:

And we’re off. Typically, any kind of devil would win over a mere mortal. However, WKU’s mascot specifically chooses to stay on top of hills, avoiding the low lying Delta Devil. Smart. Advantage: WKU

(1) University of Kentucky Wildcats vs. (16) WKU Hilltoppers

Unfortunately, the Hilltoppers’ run ends with an in-state rivalry game. Wildcats thrive on the mountain, where they devour Hilltoppers like actual UK players devour actual WKU players. No contest. Advantage: University of Kentucky

(8) Iowa State Cyclones vs. (9) University of Connecticut Huskies:

A high powered storm system against dog? Toto, we’re not in the tournament anymore. Advantage: Iowa State

(5) Wichita State Shockers vs. (12) Virginia Commonwealth University Rams

At first this seemed easy, but then I learned “shocking” refers to harvesting wheat, not electricity. Try harvesting wheat while there’s an angry ram out there. Advantage: VCU

(4) University of Indiana Hoosiers vs. (13) New Mexico State Aggies

Hoosier is the widely accepted nickname for someone from Indiana. There’s a lot of confusion regarding its origin, and no theories are flat out accepted. While citizens of Indiana are busy naming themselves and doing nothing, people in New Mexico are attending State and getting degrees in architecture. Admirable, plus they have sharp tools. Advantage: New Mexico State. Apologies to Ron Swanson, Leslie Knope, et. al.

(6) University of Nevada Las Vegas Rebels vs. (11) Colorado Buffaloes

Out first human/animal matchup – Again, when looking at the human mascot, we can only assume he is armed if the name implies it. For example, it’s not a stretch to say the UNLV Rebel undoubtedly never leaves home without a rifle. If the Buffalo was going up against, say, an Aggie or Hilltopper, it would obviously stampede all over them. However, I imagine Rebels frequently take down Buffalo, and have them for dinner. I think that happened in True Grit. Advantage: UNLV

(3) Baylor University Bears vs. (14) South Dakota State Jackrabbits

Come on. Advantage: Baylor

(7) Notre Dame Fighting Irish vs. (10) Xavier University Musketeers

This one is a little complex in terms of what exactly the Irish are fighting with. It’s safe to assume that the moniker refers to the feistiness of the team, and the Irish in general, not the IRA or any kind of Irish Revolution that I’ve never heard of. In that case, they’re armed with strictly fists and maybe a broken bottle of Jameson. The Musketeers, on the other hand, are exactly what they say they are, and don’t have any kind of famine directly associated with them. Advantage: Xavier

(2) Duke University Blue Devils vs. (15) Lehigh University Mountain Hawks

Important note: Duke’s mascot does not actually refer to a demon, but “Les Diables Bleus”, an elite mountain infantry division of the French army. I just learned this today. Say what you will about the French, but these guys look pretty badass. Coincidental that they should go up against another group of mountain dwellers. It would be hard to imagine that any special forces soldier, no matter the country of origin, wouldn’t be able to take down a single bird. Advantage: Duke

WEST

Play-in:

(14) Brigham Young University Cougars vs. (14) Iona College Gaels

Looks like the Irish are going 0-2 this year, as they don’t stand a chance against the mighty Cougar. Advantage: BYU

(1) Michigan State University Spartans vs. (16) Long Island University – Brooklyn Blackbirds

Aside from the fact that it’s absolute nonsense that this school is in Brooklyn yet is considered part of Long Island University, the Blackbirds don’t have a chance, especially when riding without their Dillingers. Advantage: MSU

(8) University of Memphis Tigers vs. (9) Saint Louis University Billikens

I actually knew the St. Louis mascot ahead of time, which isn’t something I’m proud of. I saw them play once and I was hung up on how ridiculous sounding their mascot name is. A Billiken is a charm doll that was a fad in the early 1900’s. They looked like this. I can’t get over how stupid it is to name your team after a doll, and not even a real type of elf. Advantage: Memphis

(5) University of New Mexico Lobos vs. (12) California State University- Long Beach 49ers

Regardless of the fact that a wolf easily takes down a hobo circa 1849, it is so cool that the mascot name is in Spanish. That immediately ups the wow factor, and the fear factor as well (shout out Joe Rogan). Also, apropos of nothing, Walter White is from the town where they play. Advantage: University of New Mexico

(3) Louisville University Cardinals vs. (13) Davidson College Wildcats

At first I was going to go bird here, surprisingly. It could be possible for the Cardinal, with the right strategy, to take down a Wildcat. Then I realized the common housecat takes down birds like cardinals all the time, and if your run of the mill Mr. Whiskers can do it, so can a Wildcat. Advantage: Davidson

(6) Murray State University Racers vs. (11) Colorado State University Rams

Important note: “Racer” refers to a thoroughbred horse, not it’s rider, a car driver, track star, etc. I think I’m going Racer here. Rams are about a third of the size of those things, and unless they’re going literally head-to-head, which I believe the average Racer is too smart to do, the horse is just too athletic. Advantage: Murray State

(3) Marquette University Golden Eagles vs. (14) Brigham Young University Cougars

In what I believe is our first bird win, as well as first cat loss, I’m going Golden Eagles. This has probably been the toughest matchup for me thus far, but I’m going with my gut. An eagle is just too mean a bird to be outsmarted and beaten by a single cougar. Jesuit schools are now 2-1 I believe, but that’s a bracket for another day. Advantage: Marquette

(7) University of Florida Gators vs. (10) University of Virginia Cavaliers

Just when I thought it was tough, it got tougher. I was ready to go Cavaliers here (due to weaponry), but then I did some Google-ing and found out about the Battle of Ramree Island, fought by the British for six weeks during the Burma Campaign in World War II against the Japanese. Hundreds of Japanese soldiers died while surrounded by British in the swamplands, and one man, Bruce Stanley Wright, claimed that crocodiles killed and ate many soldiers. A quote:

“The scattered rifle shots in the pitch black swamp punctured by the screams of wounded men crushed in the jaws of huge reptiles, and the blurred worrying sound of spinning crocodiles made a cacophony of hell that has rarely been duplicated on earth.”

Wright claims hundreds were devoured, but that has since proven to be an urban myth, and the real number is much lower. But still. The Cavaliers are 100% Gator Bait and I don’t want to think about this anymore, because it’s straight terrifying. Advantage: Florida

(2) University of Missouri Tigers vs. (15) Norfolk State University Spartans

What this amounts to is basically a gladiator battle, so there is a definite historical precedent here, much like in the Cavalier/Gator showdown. In the documentary film Gladiator, Maximus dispatches multiple tigers whilst in the ring. I recognize that he is not a Spartan, but it’s certainly close enough. Advantage: Norfolk State University

EAST

(1) Syracuse University Orangemen vs. (16) University of North Carolina-Ashville Bulldogs

Syracuse’s nickname is the Orangemen (for our purposes I’m ignoring that it was officially changed to “Orange”), which is purely based on their color and holds no other historical meaning. So, we have to go to the mascot. Otto the Orange would have a tough time beating anyone, and I would imagine a Bulldog would see him as an enormous chew toy. Advantage, with the 16 to 1 upset: UNC Ashville

(8) Kansas State University Wildcats vs. (9) Southern Mississippi University Golden Eagles

For the second time in the tournament, a Golden Eagle takes down a feline. Advantage: Southern Miss

(5) Vanderbilt University Commodores vs. (12) Harvard University Crimson

Again, we have to go to the mascot here for Harvard, which is actually John Harvard, their first major benefactor. That might be one of the most pretentious, Harvard-esque moves in sport mascot history. The ‘Dores wipe the floor. Advantage: Vanderbilt

(4) University of Wisconsin Badger vs. (13) University of Montana Grizzlies

Even that honey badger from the unfunny YouTube video and even more unfunny pistachio commercial isn’t taking down a bear. FACT. Advantage: University of Montana

(6) University of Cincinnati Bearcats vs. (11) University of Texas Longhorns

A Bearcat (smaller than I expected) could maybe take down a sedentary, grazing Longhorn, but we have to assume this one is fired up. Advantage: University of Texas

(3) Florida State University Seminoles vs. (14) St. Bonaventure University Bonnies

The St. Bonaventure name was changed to the Bonnies in 1992 from the “Brown Indians”, which is surprisingly more racist than the Florida State mascot. That would have been a more interesting fight, requiring research into the Native Americans local to the Allegany, New York region. However, Bonnie just refers to the school’s students, so we have to go with their all-purpose physical mascot, the Bona Wolf. Even still, if a Native American is going up against a wolf, the warrior is typically the one coming out on top, often as a part of a coming of age ritual (this is an entirely baseless thought and potentially more problematic than the mascots being named after Native Americans in the first place, but I digress.). Advantage: Florida State

(7) Gonzaga University Bulldogs vs. (10) West Virginia University Mountaineers

A Mountaineer would domesticate a Bulldog at best, and wear it as a cap at worst. Advantage: West Virginia

(2) Ohio State University Buckeyes vs. (15) Loyola University (Maryland) Greyhounds

A Buckeye is a tree, so the Greyhound is going to mark its territory all over it. An aside: my friend’s mom (Cleveland!) makes the candy treat Buckeyes, which are chocolate and peanut butter balls. If a dog ate one of those it would get very sick, because they can’t eat chocolate. However, we have to remain strictly literal. Advantage: Loyola University

MIDWEST

Play-ins:

(16) Lamar University Cardinals vs. (16) University of Vermont Catamounts

A Cardinal previously lost to a cat of the wild in this tournament, and this time it will lose to a cat of the mount. FROM THE PARKING LOT: University of Vermont

(12) University of California, Berkeley Golden Bears vs. (12) University of Southern Florida Bulls

The stock market showdown. The closest thing I can find to factual information is that bears have been known to eat bull moose (meese?) in the wild. I’d have a hard time imaging a Bull defeating a snarling Bear, so with the recession special – Advantage: UC Berkeley

(1) University of North Carolina Tarheels vs. (16) University of Vermont Catamounts

The nickname “Tar Heels” was given to Carolina troops during the Civil War because they “stuck to their ranks”. Admirable. In what might be a controversial move, I’m going to consider the Tarheel to be a Civil War era soldier. The first known use was by Lieutenant Jackson B. A. Lowrance, and that’s good enough for me. If a soldier sees a Catamount coming, he’s going to take it down. Advantage: UNC

(8) Creighton University Bluejays vs. (9) University of Alabama Crimson Tide

I used to think Crimson Tide was the most badass name in all of sports, because I thought it was inspired by a bloodstained tide washing ashore after a hard-fought battle. Then my dad told me I was an idiot, and that it was just after their color and the way their jerseys looked on the field. Which is so, so lame. We have to go by mascot here, which is an elephant. This win was not earned. Advantage: University of Alabama

(5) Temple University Owls vs. (12) University of California, Berkeley Golden Bears

Sorry, Bill Cosby. You seeeee, the thing about a Golden Bear is that it would devour an Owl. Advantage: UC Berkeley

(4) University of Michigan Wolverines vs. (13) Ohio University Bobcats

It’s important to not consider the comic book character here. In the wild, a wolverine is typically around 3 feet long, and can weigh up to 72 pounds. They mainly prey on smaller mammals, but can work their way up to the occasional moose or deer. The bobcat, on the other hand, is also about three feet long, but weighs significantly less (15 pounds on average), and eats mainly smaller rodents. I actually thought bobcats were way more fierce, I’m really surprised by this. Good thing I did my research. Advantage: University of Michigan

(6) San Diego State University Aztecs vs. (11) North Carolina State University Wolfpack

This is really complicated, because plurality is implied in the NC State mascot name. However, this is a really unfair advantage. For our purposes, we’re going to consider the match between one Aztec and one Wolf, Apocolypto style. And I have to imagine the warrior is going to return home victorious, and then be immediately sacrificed. Advantage: San Diego State

(3) Georgetown University Hoyas vs. (14) Belmont University Bruins

This could be tough, because Hoya doesn’t really mean anything except for “what” in Latin. The team is named for a chant that was popular on campus “Hoya Saxa!” or, “What Rocks”. And now you know. We could go by their bulldog mascot, but either way, the Bear reigns supreme. Advantage: Belmont University

(7) St. Mary’s University Rattlers vs. (10) Purdue University Boilermakers

Purdue University was known for their engineering programs, so they were nicknamed the Boilermakers, which is another word for a blacksmith. One of the more manly professions, but a rattlesnake could give them one bite and take ‘em down no problem. Advantage: St. Mary’s

(2) Kansas University Jayhawks vs. (15) University of Detroit Titans

Titans stomp on Jayhawks like it’s nothing. Advantage: University of Detroit.

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ROUND OF 32

Before we begin, a brief recap of the type of mascot remaining:

Man – 8

Various Mammals – 5

Bears – 4

Ancient/Mythical Man – 4

Felines – 3

Canines – 3

Eagles – 2

Reptiles – 2

Weather – 1

Go humans!

SOUTH

(1) University of Kentucky Wildcats vs. (8) Iowa State University Cyclones

At this point, the Cyclones have to be the frontrunners. It is hard to imagine someone actually beating the force and damaged caused by a Cyclone as I don’t know any teams with a Cyclone named Mike Ditka as their mascot. The Wildcat is swept away. Advantage: Iowa State University

(12) Virginia Commonwealth University Rams vs. (13) New Mexico State Aggies

This is where it gets fun. In my opinion, an unarmed man could not defeat a ram on the attack. Yes we know the Aggie is armed with a sharp compass, but still. A quick Google search shows reports of mountain goats killing hikers, and we have to assume the Ram is more powerful than that. Advantage: Virginia Commonwealth University

(3) Baylor University Bear vs. (6) University of Nevada Las Vegas Rebels

Again, a real tough one. This could go either way: common wisdom states that if you can see a Bear you’re pretty much screwed, because they’re fast and can take a lot of damage. However, the Rebel is armed and a Google fight has “man kills bear” beating “bear kills man” by a huge margin. This is purely a gut call, but I’m going Bear. If it was more than just a Rebel maybe, but I have a feeling the Bear prevails more often than not. Advantage: Baylor

(2) Duke University Blue Devils vs. (10) Xavier University Musketeers

In this man-on-man battle, we have to look at what each one is and represents. The Blue Devils, as mentioned above, were elite, special forces troops. The Musketeer was any Joe Schmo off the street who was handed a gun. Advantage: Duke

WEST

(1) Michigan State University Spartans vs. (8) University of Memphis Tigers

For the second time, the Spartan leaves the Coliseum victorious. Advantage: Michigan State

(5) University of New Mexico Lobos vs. Davidson University Wildcats

I’m going back and forth on this one. On the one hand you have the Lobo, out in the desert, hungry, stalking its prey. But it usually travels in a pack, where as the Wildcat handles itself as a loner. If we’re being strict, the Wildcat is an actual species, living in Africa and Asia. This is how it looks. That looks like a cat that would be in your backyard. A Lobo would absolutely take one of those down, no question. Advantage: University of New Mexico

(3) Marquette University Golden Eagles vs. (6) Murray State University Racers

This would be the pitcher’s duel of the tournament if it were really being played out. A Racer can’t really attack something in the air, but it would take a long time for the Eagle to get its licks in. As time went on, I would have to think the Eagle would wear down the Racer. Sort of anticlimactic, but so are a lot of basketball games. Advantage: Marquette University

(7) University of Florida Gators vs. (15) Norfolk State University Spartans

When it comes to the Spartans, it’s hard not to keep imagining the gladiator scenarios. More so than a soldier, they have a bit of the mythical strength quality that gives them the edge. Advantage: Norfolk State

EAST

(9) Southern Mississippi University Golden Eagles vs. (16) University of North Carolina-Ashville Bulldogs

The Golden Eagle is actually a real bird of prey, not just an eagle with a school color attached. It eats everything from rabbits to deer, so it would have no trouble making a snack out of a Bulldog. Advantage: Southern Miss

(5) Vanderbilt University Commodores vs. (13) University of Montana Grizzlies

A grizzly is probably the fiercest type of bear, and it’s hard to think a Civil War Naval officer, even while armed, would be able to survive long enough to take the bear down. The Commodore is likely armed with a single action, old fashioned rifle, so he’ll get one shot in if he’s lucky. Grizzly all the way. Advantage: University of Montana

(3) Florida State University Seminoles vs. University of Texas Longhorns

Native Americans used Longhorns for their meat, hides, and horns according to my research. I can easily picture a Seminole hiding in the bushes, carefully shooting arrows at the bulls. No problem with this one. Advantage: Florida State

(10) West Virginia University Mountaineers vs. Loyola University (Maryland) Greyhounds

Again, Mountaineer against canine. Papa just got himself another new cap. Advantage: West Virginia University

MIDWEST

(1) University of North Carolina Tarheels vs. (9) University of Alabama Crimson Tide Elephants

As a reminder, Alabama is (controversially) represented in this tournament by an Elephant. An Elephant would stomp a Tarheel. In fact, we could temporarily change their name to the “University of Alabama Tarheel-heels”. Sorry. Advantage: University of Alabama

(4) University of Michigan Wolverines vs. (12) University of California, Berkeley Golden Bears

The bears are on a rampage this round, with good reason. Are bears underrated as a scary animal, or properly rated? I know Colbert has been on an anti-bear campaign for quite some time, but I think they’re way more scary than people think. Advantage: University of California

(6) San Diego State University Aztecs vs. (14) Belmont University Bruins

In the first round, the Aztec beat a wolf. Can he do it again against a bear, specifically a Bruin? A full grown male Eurasian Brown Bear (Bruin) can weigh up to 780 pounds, with the largest ever recorded weighing 1,058 pounds. In short, no. Advantage: Belmont University

(7) St. Mary’s University Rattlers vs. (15) University of Detroit Titans

It’s easy to picture a mighty Titan stomping out a Rattler. However, doesn’t a little Rattler sneak attacking a Titan sound like the perfect Greek myth? Busy with bigger foes, he forgets to pay attention to what is right under his feet. However, we aren’t considering sneak attacks here. If the Titan knows the Rattler is coming, it’s not going to get far. Advantage: University of Detroit

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SWEET 16

A quick update:

Bears – 4

Man – 3

Ancient/Mythical Man – 3

Various Mammals – 2

Eagles – 2

Canines – 1

Weather – 1

Felines

SOUTH

(8) Iowa State University Cyclones vs. (12) Virginia Commonwealth University Rams

The Cyclone again cannot be stopped, especially by a comparatively tiny Ram. Advantage: Iowa State

(2) Duke University Blue Devils vs. (3) Baylor University Bears

The key to this Duke mascot, much like is the case typically with their players, is elite-ness. These aren’t your standard soldiers. They are highly trained in mountainous and urban warfare. It’s also worth noting that Baylor doesn’t get specific with what kind of Bear they are. This hurts their case, as further research on size, eating habits, etc. can’t be completed. Continuing their Cinderella run, advantage: Duke University

WEST

(1) Michigan State University Spartans vs. (5) University of New Mexico Lobos

I’m pretty sure your average Spartan probably kept a wolf as a pet, and in a head-to-head matchup you have to imagine a wolf is nothing compared to the many tigers he has already defeated. Advantage: Michigan State

(3) Marquette University Golden Eagles vs. (15) Norfolk State University Spartans

Again, I also believe a Spartan could domesticate an Eagle and use it for hunting and sending messages. It looks like things are about to get interesting folks: a Spartan will be coming out of the West. But from where will he hail? Advantage: Norfolk State

EAST

(9) Southern Mississippi University Golden Eagles vs. (13) University of Montana Grizzlies

The wingspan of the average Golden Eagle can reach over 7 feet. Perhaps they are the real danger. They also have the benefit of choosing the angle of attack, and the ability to escape easily. This is probably the upset of the tournament for me; I did not see this one coming. I would love to see Gus Johnson call this. Advantage: Southern Mississippi

(3) Florida State University Seminoles vs. (10) West Virginia University Mountaineers

The Seminole knows the mountain more than White Man ever could. Sneaky, tactical, and ready to reclaim their land. Advantage: Florida State

MIDWEST

(9) University of Alabama Crimson Tide Elephants vs. (12) University of California, Berkeley Golden Bears

Incredible matchup. The Bear – heavy fur, claws, teeth. Can weigh up to 3,300 pounds. The Elephant – tusks, trunk, stomping ability, thick skin. The largest elephant ever recorded weighed 24,000 pounds. That is not a typo. In a physical, leave it all on the floor match, the Elephant moves on. Advantage: University of Alabama

(14) Belmont University Bruins vs. (15) University of Detroit Titans

In this clash, the mythical Titan could easily use his power to take down the Bruin. Advantage: University of Detroit

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ELITE 8

Ancient/Mythical Man – 3

Man – 2

Various Mammals – 1

Eagles – 1

Weather – 1

Felines

Bears

Canines

Really rough round for the Ursine mascots. I’m surprised to see none move on, but those are the breaks.

SOUTH

(2) Duke University Blue Devils vs. (8) Iowa State University Cyclones

The Blue Devils are typically out on the mountains, ready for war. They camp in all conditions, but they have no structure to hide in. A Cyclone is a mean storm, but a Blue Devil is also a mean troop, ready for anything. If the Blue Devil is out on the mountain or in the wilderness, away from all damaging structures or moveable objects, I’m betting on the Blue Devil to last the night. I can imagine the movie now. Liam Neeson is – The Blue. I consider this an upset, and definitely a feel good story. It would have been awful if the storm won. Advantage: Duke University.

WEST

(1) Michigan State University Spartans vs. (15) Norfolk State University Spartans

Here’s where it gets tricky. What I’m going to consider: where the Spartan hails from and how the mascot is depicted, since this is a special case. The Spartans from Michigan State hail from East Lansing: salt of the Earth, simple, strong. The Norfolk Spartans are from Norfolk, Virginia: Sunny, naval, a bit cushier. This is the MSU Spartan, and as far as I can tell Norfolk State doesn’t have a physical representation of their Spartan. In fact, in this video, it looks like they use the exact same costume. I was hoping this would be a better matchup, but the Norfolk Spartan can’t even touch the original, both in attitude and manifestation. Advantage: Michigan State University

EAST

(3) Florida State University Seminoles vs. (9) Southern Mississippi University Golden Eagles

“The American Indian holds the Eagle in the highest regard, and has a true “heart and soul desire” to keep it flying healthy and free for many generations to come.”

http://www.snowwowl.com/swolfeaglefeathers.html

Too bad the Eagle doesn’t feel the same way. This isn’t an integrity contest. Advantage: Southern Mississippi

MIDWEST

(9) University of Alabama Crimson Tide Elephants vs. (15) University of Detroit Titans

If an OG Greek deity wants to kill an Elephant, I would imagine he wouldn’t have much trouble. This ends the Elephant’s run, which we all know was kind of illegitimate in the first place. Advantage: University of Detroit

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THE FINAL FOUR

Two ancient legends, a bird of prey, and a deadly soldier. Let’s begin.

(1) Michigan State University Spartans vs. (2) Duke University Blue Devils

The Spartan faces his real first challenge. Despite the armor, size, and strength, he still just has a sword or spear. It a modern day retelling of the David and Goliath story, the Blue Devil can easily use his “stones” to take down the Spartan. It would probably be exactly like when Indiana Jones dispatches the swordsman with ease. Ah, modernity. Advantage: Duke University

(9) Southern Mississippi University Golden Eagles vs. (15) University of Detroit Titans

The noble Golden Eagle falls for the last time. Again, against a simple minded animal the deity can do what he pleases. An unfair, yet the only one possible, outcome. Advantage: University of Detroit

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THE FINALS

(2) Duke University Blue Devils vs. (15) University of Detroit Titans

Don’t let the seeding fool you, the Titans are the heavy favorite. Let’s take a look at who each mascot has taken down on this journey:

The Blue Devil has dealt with a Mountain Hawk, a Musketeer, a Bear, survived a horrifying tropical storm (Cyclone), and defeated the Titan’s bodyguard, the Spartan.

The Titan, on the other hand, went up against a Jayhawk, a Rattler, a Bruin, an Elephant, and a Golden Eagle. It is important to note that the Titan has only gone up against animals, whereas the Blue Devil has also faced man, an act of god, and an ancient warrior. Interesting.

The mythology goes that the Titans pre-dated the Olympians, who overthrew them. They were incredibly powerful, and it took other deities to take them down. They can do whatever they want, are essentially all-powerful and all-knowing, and would be next to impossible to defeat.

Having said that.

Can’t you just picture this playing out Hollywood style? Liam Neeson is again playing the Blue Devil, out on the mountains protecting his country. Suddenly he is transported back to Ancient Greece. He has been recruited to take down the final Titan, establishing power for the Olympians. In return, he will be reunited with his wife, who passed away years before, and they will enjoy immortality together.

No one has been able to defeat the Titan, but that’s because he has only faced animals. The very human Blue Devil is calculating, intelligent, and relentless. Driven by his need to win and desire to see his wife again, he is on the verge of becoming history’s greatest warrior. Having survived an act of god, he must now act on said god. The Blue 2: Modern Hercules.

This is the biggest upset in tournament history. But it has to happen.

WINNER: THE DUKE UNIVERSITY BLUE DEVIL

Obviously, a large part of this tournament comes down to luck of the draw. But so does the real one. If the Blue Devil was paired up against a host of other adversaries, he would have been defeated. The seeding based on mascot would also be much different. But it wasn’t, so he prevails. Incredible. Inconceivable. Inspiring.

Also I’m really upset about Duke winning.