Where can women discuss their bodily functions if not in women's groups?

To date I have stayed well away from the trans issues that currently dominate many areas of feminism. Why? Because I largely work with pregnant women and women who have birth trauma and I have never encountered an actual trans person who has needed my support in these areas. But as time goes on I get more and more hate mail from liberal feminists, for not altering year’s worth of work to be trans inclusive and now I’ve reached critical mass, and I’m going there.



I understand that some people find themselves pregnant, and yet do not perceive themselves to be women. I also understand that it must be incredibly complex to experience a pregnancy when you do not identify as a woman. There should be support out there for people who find themselves facing these predicaments. You’ll not see me argue with that.

I work in a large international VBAC group and help administrate several others, and I created a large birth trauma group. Each and every member that is in those groups is a born woman and we do not allow men who are openly male into the groups.

If a trans person were to approach me and say that they needed some support in one of those areas due to a pregnancy, I would offer as much support as I could, including speaking to the group about adding this person if the group agreed. Odds are really good that the vast and overwhelming majority of the women in the groups would say HELL YES! We need to provide support to as many people as we can!

But I will not alter everything I have ever written to remove the word WOMAN from it. I won’t do that. Don’t waste your time asking me for that and don’t bother telling me that I am a TERF. It makes me roll my eyes in contemptuous boredom.

I see a lot of discussions where lesbian women are accused of being bigoted because they will not consider a person with a penis as a viable sexual partner. You know what I don’t see? I don’t see heterosexual men being called bigoted for the same thing. Why is that? Because everyone knows that men won’t move over and make room for that rubbish. If a man says no to sex it’s because he doesn’t want to have sex, so have a cup of tea and move on. If a woman says no to sex ….. look out, here comes ….. A BIGOT!

I see a lot of discussions where women, in WOMEN’S GROUPS are asked not to discuss bleeding. A feminist group run by a friend of mine completely collapsed when members who needed support and advice about their periods were told they were discriminating against trans people when they discussed their own bodily functions. So they couldn’t help women, with women’s issues, in a women’s group, because it might offend someone who identifies as a woman!? And this isn’t a problem to many people? Where should women get support to talk about these things if they can no longer discuss them in women’s groups? Perhaps they could join a football club and ask there instead.

What I’d like to know though, is whether men who are suffering from erectile dysfunction are also discriminating when they talk about it. Are there moves afoot to have all mention of MEN WITH ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION changed to PEOPLE WITH ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION? I sure hope so!



You see if we need to erase women from their own physical lives by not allowing discussions of bleeding, or by altering the way we talk about pregnancy and birth trauma, surely it makes sense that we remove men from their predicaments too. No more men can have erectile dysfunction, heterosexual men must sleep with trans women that have penises. No more prostate cancer campaigns aimed at men! Those should be aimed at PEOPLE. You know how more men than women die of bowel cancer and heart disease? Oh heck no, YOU BIGOT! It’s all about the people from now on. We must in no way whatsoever raise awareness for men about bowel cancer, because that is unfair to people who identify with genders that don’t match their physical bodies.

At what point does this go too far?

What we need to do here is recognise that the issues faced by people who are struggling with gender identity are very serious within our heavily gender based society. People who need support for that, need support from the entire community. It’s only fair that everyone has a space where they can lives their lives with as much happiness, kindness, and community support as possible.

We need to set aside gender identification entirely for these problems to go away, but that’s not going to happen over night so we have to work with what we have, and gradually build it up.

The trans movement is gaining momentum, but that’s just what it needs to be. It needs to be a TRANS MOVEMENT. Women and men who identify as trans need to create their own spaces, not demand that women move on over and make room for them. Women who were born with women’s bodies and who are content with those need to be able to discuss menarche, childbirth, rape, male violence, and all the other issues that face us, and trans people need to be free to discuss THEIR issues, in spaces where there won’t be interruptions. In spaces where they can identify as whatever gender they need to identify with to seek out the support they need to live happy lives.

Basically by demanding that women alter the way we discuss our bodies and our biology you are demanding that we alter our identities so that YOUR identity goes unchallenged. It’s a really big world out there, there’s plenty room for women to talk about their birth choices, and there’s plenty room for trans people to talk about the issues that they face too, but those spaces aren’t always going to be one and the same. I spent years living in a world where there were no spaces for me to discuss my birth trauma, or future birth choices because people found it too confronting and you can be damn sure I won’t go back into that box without one hell of a showdown.