The hilariously busted beard weave from last night’s episode of America’s Next Top Delia’s Circular Model Turned Maybe Coach At John Robert Powers (Not Even Barbizon).

To answer the questions screaming in your head, yes, America’s Next Top Model is still on. Yes, I still watch every episode like it’s 2007. And no, Tyra Banks still hasn’t been tried for crimes against young hos. Last night’s episode was messier than usual. One huge layer of messiness was slathered all over my TV screen when some of the dumb shits showed their stupidity by cornering contestant Matthew (who likes chicks mostly but doesn’t put a label on what he’s into) and got on him for kissing openly gay, pretty-faced Will. (AND THEY DIDN’T EVEN SHOW THE GD KISS! Fuck Tyra for that!) Another huge mess was slathered all over my TV screen when Ty Ty announced that it was makeover time. Yes, it was that time in the season when Ty Ty takes a bunch of young, tall bitches and fucks them up.

You can only do so much with a dude, so Ty Ty really has to overwork her fuckery nodule and come up with creative ways to make a guy look like a total joke. Ty Ty outdid herself by making Denzel get a lace front on his face. That mess looks like a merkin with a buzz cut. The only way that beard could be more obviously fake is if it dated Tom Cruise.

The thing is, Denzel and none of the other contestants said that the pube curtain on his face looked a busted mess. Denzel even wore it proudly. Are they all scared that Ty Ty will screw their look up even more if they go against her or did they catch second hand foolery from being close to her?

With all that being said, I love it! Denzel is bringing “no-budget 3rd grade Abraham Lincoln school play” glamour to ANTM!

And this is what it looks like in a future photo shoot:

Oh, Tyra, never change and keep flushing your meds down the toilet despite what the doctors tell you.