(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

There’s no set trajectory for dating anymore.

Perhaps it used to be courting, becoming official, all the way up until you either break up or do the whole marriage and babies thing.

How I Do It: Meet the mum-of-two who has sex all day, every day

Now there’s FWB situations and flirtationships. They might be breadcrumbing you, or benching you. You might be with someone who just ‘hates labels’ so you’re stuck in an ersatz relationship without technically being together.

It’s frustrating enough, but if it all goes tits-up, it can be even more so.


While people understand grieving for a failed relationship, it’s a lot harder for them to empathise when you weren’t an official item. That doesn’t take the hurt away, though, so you need to find a process that works for you.



Here are some ways to do this without the standard break-up fare of Ben & Jerry’s and a new haircut.

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Give yourself space

Regardless of the nature of your ‘relationship’ it’s likely that there was some proximity for your affection to blossom in the first place.

If they’re a mutual friend or someone you see at work, let a trusted person around you know they can bail you out if you’re stuck with your sort-of ex.

Resist the urge to stalk

The only thing worse than their ex liking their new partner’s 58 week old photo on Instagram? Someone that wasn’t actually their ex liking their new partner’s 58 week old photo on Instagram.

Embarrassment aside, comparing yourself to anyone they’re with now is going to be super damaging for you. You’ll be focusing on your own flaws while you look at their edited and filtered ‘best bits’. Block the person you still fancy, and fight all urges to unblock.

Ask yourself what you deserve

It might have been a case of personal incompatibilities, or just the wrong timing, but now is the time to make sure you don’t put yourself through the same old rigmarole again.

Set boundaries for yourself. That might mean never answering a late night booty call, or being honest with the next person you date that you’re after something more serious.

If you’re enjoying casual encounters, do your thang! But, if you’re getting hurt because you secretly wished for more, you need to get real with your own needs.

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Allow yourself to think of them as an ex

Okay, so you hadn’t changed your status on Facebook. If you had a ‘thing’ don’t torture yourself over whether you’re justified in needing to get over someone or not.

That’s not to say you need to start wailing in the street about your lost love, but stop thinking that just because there wasn’t a ring on it you can’t be a bit sad.

Learn how to be alone

We might put ourselves into these pseudo-relationships because we crave comfort, attention, and closeness with another person. It’s sometimes preferable to take what you can from a partner – even if it isn’t enough – just because it’s better than nothing.



Try to stop yourself relying on them wanting you for your own self esteem. That’s easier said than done, but even simple things like going for a coffee alone, or taking a walk can make you feel more comfortable with being just yourself.

It’s frustrating not to be able to be as publicly sad as you want to. You certainly won’t get any time off of work because your f*ck buddy has met someone.

Like everything, treat it as a learning experience, and find a new number to call at 3am.

MORE: Breezing is the new dating trend that’s all about remaining chill

MORE: 8 things only London men know about dating

Advertisement Advertisement