With the Republican Party potentially headed to its convention without a clear-cut presidential nominee, The Onion answers common questions about how a contested convention would work.


Q: What is a contested convention?

A: A way to ensure the voice of the people is heard and then checked for any obvious mistakes.

Q: How does a contested convention come about?

A: Simply too many wonderful nominees to choose from.


Q: How is a nominee chosen in a contested convention?

A: A candidate must secure a majority of delegates and pin them down for 10 straight seconds.

Q: How many normal, mentally balanced people will partake in the nomination process?

A: 17.


Q: What happens if no clear winner emerges after the first round of voting?

A: All 2,472 delegates immediately don Kevlar vests and tactical helmets.

Q: How many rounds of voting can there be?

A: 912 x 10^42

Q. What is an unbound delegate?

A. A national party representative who is allowed to undermine the democratic process if they feel like it.


Q: What happens in the second round, when many delegates are freed up from being bound to their original candidate?

A: The greatest power rush an Idaho county treasurer has ever felt in his life.

Q: What are the risks of a contested convention?

A: There’s a chance it could introduce an element of controversy into an otherwise congenial GOP nomination process.


Q: When will concerns about the candidates’ beliefs disappear completely and blind, frothing rage take over?

A: Around the fifth round of voting.

Q: Is there a scenario in which John Kasich wins the nomination?

A: Nope.

Q: Will there be riots?

A: Current convention rules require a quorum of 200 to form a riot.


Q: Who is likely to be the winner of a contested convention?

A: Donald Trump, regardless of whether he becomes the nominee or not.

Q. Is this a sensible and logical way to determine a major party’s presidential nominee?

A: Yeah, sure.