Chapeco, Brazil (CNN) You could easily have mistaken it for a celebration: a packed stadium, effervescent green flares fizzing among the fans. The rhythmic drumbeat, the clapping, the chanting.

It was anything but.

On Wednesday night, at a time when their team should have been playing in the first leg of the Copa Sudamericana final, this tight-knit community gathered to remember its fallen heroes.

The chartered jet flying the team to Medellin, Colombia, crashed, killing more than 70 on board.

For many, the carnival atmosphere was a stark reminder of what had been suddenly lost; at times it was all too much.

A celebration of mass was conducted on the field, in the center circle. Surviving players, who hadn't made the trip, were joined by many of the bereaved families ... parents, wives, girlfriends and children who had all waved off their heroes on a trip of a lifetime; a trip from which they never returned.

José Nivaldo Martins Constante, one of the team's goalkeepers, didn't make the trip.

"It was my destiny," he said. "I have this dual feeling of being alive today, but deep in my heart, what if I had gone?"

He's played for the team for 10 years, but isn't sure it's possible to go on.

Chapecoense is a community club. Honest men who played for the honor instead of the paycheck, an underdog team who'd been through thick and thin together before finally hitting an ill-fated jackpot.

Eleven #Chapecoense players stayed at home and so avoided the carnage in Colombia. Can you imagine how they must feel? #forçachape A video posted by Don Riddell (@donriddell) on Nov 30, 2016 at 5:09pm PST

As the club's recent highlights played out on the big screen, Senhor Jorge watched and wept. For 25 years, he'd hung the players' jerseys in the locker room. Eventually he could take it no more, turning and walking back inside the stadium alone.

Eight directors, six coaches, five medical staff and 19 players lost their lives in Colombia, including the 32-year-old defender Filipe José Machado. He died on his father's birthday. When his dad took the field and glanced at a photograph of his son, he crumpled with emotion.

Some drew strength from the energy of the crowd; as one player's girlfriend realized the enormity of the moment, she paused, closed her eyes, opened her arms and raised her palms. Choking back the tears, she was rooted to the spot for almost a minute.

I've covered many big soccer occasions, this was totally unique and it was impossible not to be moved by their grief, particularly the bereaved young children who cried and cried; surely this surreal occasion was almost too much for them to truly process.

Photos: Mourning the Colombia plane crash victims Players from the Brazilian soccer team Chapecoense mourn their fallen teammates during a tribute at the team's stadium in Chapeco, Brazil, on Wednesday, November 30. A charter airplane carrying 77 people, including most players from Chapecoense, crashed near Rionegro, Colombia, on Monday, November 28. Seventy-one people were killed, officials said. Six survived: three players, two crew members and one journalist. Hide Caption 1 of 17 Photos: Mourning the Colombia plane crash victims Chapecoense supporters light flares during the stadium tribute on November 30. The soccer club, which has risen in the ranks in Brazilian soccer and now has a devoted national fan base, was set to play in the first leg of the South American Cup finals on Wednesday. Hide Caption 2 of 17 Photos: Mourning the Colombia plane crash victims Relatives of Chapecoense soccer players cry during the tribute on November 30. Hide Caption 3 of 17 Photos: Mourning the Colombia plane crash victims Fans of the team hold their cell phones in the air during the tribute. Hide Caption 4 of 17 Photos: Mourning the Colombia plane crash victims Fans in Chapeco light candles on November 30. Hide Caption 5 of 17 Photos: Mourning the Colombia plane crash victims Fans of Atletico Nacional -- the Colombian team that Chapecoense was traveling to play -- pay tribute to the fallen players at a stadium in Medellin, Colombia, on November 30. Hide Caption 6 of 17 Photos: Mourning the Colombia plane crash victims Soldiers and police attend the tribute in Medellin on November 30. Hide Caption 7 of 17 Photos: Mourning the Colombia plane crash victims Soccer players from Real Madrid and Cultural Leonesa observe a minute of silence in Madrid to pay tribute to those killed in the crash. Hide Caption 8 of 17 Photos: Mourning the Colombia plane crash victims A child with a Chapecoense flag attends a vigil at the team's stadium in Brazil on November 30. Hide Caption 9 of 17 Photos: Mourning the Colombia plane crash victims The posts of a soccer goal are decorated with flowers while members of a Colombian army band rehearse for the tribute in Medellin on November 30. Hide Caption 10 of 17 Photos: Mourning the Colombia plane crash victims A woman places a candle at a memorial in Medellin on November 30. Hide Caption 11 of 17 Photos: Mourning the Colombia plane crash victims A Chapecoense fan attends a vigil in Chapeco on November 30. Hide Caption 12 of 17 Photos: Mourning the Colombia plane crash victims Chapecoense supporters take part in a vigil at the team's stadium in Chapeco on Tuesday, November 29. Hide Caption 13 of 17 Photos: Mourning the Colombia plane crash victims Candles are seen at a Chapeco vigil on November 29. Hide Caption 14 of 17 Photos: Mourning the Colombia plane crash victims Ana Maria holds a statue of Our Lady of Aparecida as she and her family mourn the loss of her son, journalist Guilherme Marques, during a ceremony in Rio de Janeiro on November 29. Hide Caption 15 of 17 Photos: Mourning the Colombia plane crash victims People surround a church during a memorial Mass in Chapeco on November 29. Hide Caption 16 of 17 Photos: Mourning the Colombia plane crash victims People attend a candlelight vigil in Bogota, Colombia, on November 29. Hide Caption 17 of 17

This club knows it must try to find a way to heal and survive. Amidst the tragedy, there was an air of defiance, as if the fans are going to drive the recovery through sheer force of will.

But tonight was very, very hard for everyone. And with the bodies still to return to Chapeco and a totally uncertain future ahead, it's not going to get any easier.