Punk Rock puns, for that demographic of readers that probably only exists in my head.

These songs are best sung along to the originals.

Pretty Valium

(Sung to the tune of the Sex Pistols’ Pretty Vacant)

There’s no use in aspirin, you’ll get no relief

Valium’s the one that you’ve gotta believe

If you cannot reason & it’s all too much

You’ll feel much better – take Valium for lunch

If you feel shitty

And not so pretty

Take Valium…

And you won’t care!

…

Buy Some Gloves

(Sung to the tune of Black Flag’s Rise Above)

It’s really cold outside!

Buy some gloves, we’re gonna buy some gloves

My hands have no place to hide

Buy some gloves, we’re gonna buy some gloves

Put ‘em in my pockets but it’s no use

Buy some gloves, we’re gonna buy some gloves

My hands take take this abuse!

Buy some gloves, we’re gonna buy some gloves

We Are Tired Of Cold Hands!

Try To Warm Them, You Understand!

—

I Love a Soda Machine

(Sung to the tune of the Ramones’ I Love Her so)

I met her at the Burger King

Fell in love with a soda machine

Soda tastes so good goin’ down,

Coca-cola all around

Then we went down to Cola Island

With Mr. Pibb and Dr. Wham

I dropped a quarter in her slot

She dispenses my sweet pop, alright, oh yeah

Oh, oh, I love a soda –

Oh, oh, I love a soda –

Oh, oh, I love a soda machine!

—

Click the flower to find the Ramones, in Haiku: