<Begin Log>

O5-11: Thank you for your prompt response to this issue, Dr. Clef. It's only fitting that we should get our best agent on this difficult task.

Dr. Clef: Spare me the flattery. I take it the Sarkic cults have their hands on A403 again?

O5-11: I wish it were that simple. We analyzed the security footage - the thieves were agents of the Church of the Broken God.

Dr. Clef: Problem solved.

O5-11: Begging your pardon?

Dr. Clef: The Church hates Sarkic cults even more than they hate us. They wouldn't dare use one of their bitter enemies' sacred artifacts for their own means. It would be heresy in their eyes. I dare say they might do a better job of containing it than we did.

O5-11: You may be right, but we can't take any risks. I mean, A403 is in the possession of the Church's loosest cannon by far - some Maxwellist named Father Ovum.

Dr. Clef: What's his history?

O5-11: You know SCP-217?

Dr. Clef: He invented it?

O5-11: He perfected it. Tested it on enough squirrels and chickens that it got to the point where not only did it turn flesh into gears, but also circuits and plasma cannons. Your only advantage against him will be that you're a human - he only likes to "bio-convert" small animals. Reports say he gets some kind of sick pleasure from it, and his colleagues in the Church are certain he's at least partially senile.

Dr. Clef: And I just go in his hideout, blow his brains out, and come back with a radioactive gemstone?

O5-11: It won't be that easy.

[10 seconds of silence, followed by a long sigh from O5-11]

O5-11: …who am I kidding. That was spot-on.

Dr. Clef: Damn straight.

<End Log>