GIF via Jake Paul

Ex-Vine star and sentient dab Jake Paul is, without a doubt, the worst person in the universe, regurgitating played out memes and destroying things in the name of “random.” Unfortunately, one of the victims on his tour of dumb was an E30-generation BMW 325i and we cannot in good faith let that slide.




In case you haven’t had the misfortune of seeing Paul’s “work,” Deadspin commenter Martian Law accurately described his highlight reel as “the best ISIS recruiting video ever.”




Paul lives in a house he’s slowly destroying from the inside out with a collection of similarly basic dude-bros. Together, they film themselves vomiting up last year’s #hip #teen slang with the kind of jittery shakycam That Doofus With The Supercar Channel only dreams of achieving.



Worst of all, Paul’s “pranks” (if you can call being irritating a “prank”) routinely involve cars: putting his brother’s G-Wagen up for sale, covering a car in peanut butter and plasti-dipping his brother’s car with dumb tags in the middle of a busy parking garage. Not even a news crew interrupting one prank to talk about how he’s making his neighbors’ lives “a living hell” could halt his quest to bore and out-basic us all.



But by far, this is by far the worst offender:



There it is: one perfectly good BMW E30 drop-top, senselessly destroyed by a dingus who proudly introduces himself as a “social media influencer.”


Walking, talking blonde pube Jake Paul claims the BMW is “worthless” despite the fact that this humble BMW will be more entertaining than he will ever will be. It’s even a 325i, with one of the nicest inline-sixes ever made.



The car just needed a jump on its battery from sitting a while, and they’re idiots for not driving it around after the car’s owner Stan left the country.


This car was cooler than you, bro. GIF via Jake Paul

The worst part is, that good BMW didn’t have to die like this. Good cars shouldn’t be destroyed because your doofy dab-arms get tired. They deserve to go out nobly, on track, or at least in an epic feat of hoonage. There were plenty of good neighbor-incensing burnouts and donuts left in that convertible E30!