As over 50 million students return for a new school year, the U.S. education system faces of a number of technological, philosophical, and financial challenges. The Onion looks at important events in the history of the American education system.


American education system in crisis.

Harvard University opens its doors to the first and only group of students whose parents didn’t go there.


First “Do you like me?” note passed in class.

A prototype of the first mechanical pencil kills over 50 in Brooklyn.

Maria Montessori opens a new type of school designed to develop the self-importance of parents.


Bullying desegregated.

Race traitors in Congress pass the Bilingual Education Act.

Mr. Thomas told Dan he couldn’t go to the bathroom so he just stood up and pissed his pants in front of the entire class.


Damning report finds majority of charter schools falling behind other kinds of businesses in generating profits.


Majority of students just hoping crush notices them and school shooter doesn’t.