Queen’s gambit is the most played opening in chess. The white makes the game more open by sacrificing a pawn. Mom and Mira(name changed) are in a grocery market. Mom meets an old friend and starts chatting. Mira now looks at this encroachment. The attention this new friend gets, was more than she did. Now she plays the queens gambit. “Mama lets go home”. She sacrifices her time she planned to spend here. Mom says “five minutes honey”. Mira keeps calm momentarily and says again ” let’s go home” “MAMMA”. When a child gives break and misbehaves, and you feel annoyed the goal of child is attention. Understanding these unmet, unsaid needs of the child is primary strategy parents should learn.These different goals children have if not catered sensitively can become a ingrained misbehaving pattern. have you heard parents sharing “she is stubborn congenitally (By birth)”. Really ? Well once you start to find the unattended need of children you will find there is a pattern in this irregularity.

Pattern In case when they need attention they misbehave with leaving time gap, when they think they don’t get attention. They stop temporarily and indulge in equal or more intense misbehavior like pulling arm or begging you to finish shopping. Focus on what feeling you have, this is a easy way to find what the child’s goal is. Yes, you read it right, what the parent feels. If you feel annoyed, you want to cajole. The goal of your child is attention.Underlying belief Kids similar to Mira who crave attention have a strong belief about self that “I only count when I am being noticed or being served” Giving them enough attention, will help them change the pattern.

What to do Avoid eye contact, try to use less or no words in such situations, non-verbally make the child feel comfortable (Gentle touch), Don’t delay take action quickly. Later share with child the ways to have attention appropriately. Remember, children are always a move ahead as they get the white pieces.

Reference : Attention Seeking: A Complete Guide for Teachers by Nigel Mellor

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