Things that are conspiracies and/or biased against conservatives according to the modern Republican Party:

Polls that show Obama winning (but not polls that show the race getting closer)

Numbers that show the economy improving (but not numbers that show the economy getting worse or staying the same)

The Media (but not when it is savaging Bill Clinton or Barack Obama)

Science, particularly the following:

Evidence of global climate change

Evidence of evolution (those pesky dinosaurs were clearly out to get the republicans too, damn them!)

Evidence of corporate pollution killing and harming people (can't they just die quietly for the good of Exxon, damn them?)

The rest of the World outside America! (can't they just set aside their own self interest and just agree with us???)

(okay, next category....)

Things that are evil, wrong, or are destroying America, according to the modern Republican Party:

Contraceptives (yeah, I know, you couldn't even make this stuff up if you tried!)

Equal pay and opportunities for women

Equal rights for minorities

Equal rights for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Americans

Brown people making a dollar an hour to pick oranges and clean our hotel rooms

Asking the rich to pay even one dollar more in taxes

Evolution, climate change, and "embryology" ("lies from the pit of hell" according to a current Republican congressman)

Big Bird (come on, you know I had to go there!)

Any regulations on Wall Street or other big corporations

Health care coverage for ALL Americans (oh, that's right--Mitt said just go to the emergency room! My bad!)

Social Security and Medicare (it's all well and good to spend billions in Iraq and Afghanistan, but don't you spend a dime helping grandma you socialist bastard!)

Taxing the inheritance of trust fund babies (it's okay to tax every dollar you and I work hard to EARN, but don't you dare tax the money that Paris did nothing to inherit!)

(and my final category--but please add new ones!)

Things that are okay or even good according to the modern Republican Party:

Some forms of rape (you know, the illegitimate forms--hey, don't get mad at me, I'm not the one who said it, and I'm not the one fully supporting the guy either)

War everywhere, unless a Democrat is President (and no, I don't think Afghanistan is okay--we should be OUT!)

Pollution (hey, it's a by-product of business so get over it!)

Corporations having more rights and power than actual people (oh yeah, again I forgot Mitt--"Corporations are people, my friend!" Oops, my bad again!)

Billionaires paying lower tax rates than the rest of us (Mitt's 14% is significantly lower than what I pay every year!)

People dying because they can't get or afford health care (they should have worked harder and got rich, dammit!)

Okay, so that's what I came up with today. I know there's more! So what can you add?

