Michael Cohen's legal career continued its plunge toward the bottom of Disbarment Sea this weekend, as reports that he is the subject of a federal criminal probe were quickly eclipsed by the revelation that in Republican circles, Cohen has quietly earned a reputation as New York's preeminent practitioner of "Find creative ways to ensure that your chronic philandering never interferes with your family's political aspirations" law. In 2013, says the Wall Street Journal, it was Cohen who spiked an Us Weekly story on the alleged affair between Audrey O'Day, the former Danity Kane member and Celebrity Apprentice contestant, and Donald Trump Jr., the man who inherited both his father's name and intelligence of a toaster.

While the WSJ does not mention the facilitation of any Stormy Daniels- or Karen McDougal-style payout, it does quote Us Weekly sources who describe Cohen as “one of these New York characters” whose tirades upon learning of the O'Day story's looming publication were so "totally over-the-top threatening" that they merited the occasional speakerphone mute. Cohen eventually convinced the magazine decided to drop the scoop in order to preserve its "good working relationship" with the elder Donald Trump, whose transition from popular reality television show personality to xenophobic wall enthusiast was still several years away.

Alas, whatever joy Cohen derived from this fleeting allusion to his greatest hits proved short-lived, as his lawyers, the president's lawyers, and federal prosecutors continue their fight over the documents seized from his offices last week. On Monday morning, Cohen refused a judicial order to turn over a list of his clients so that the court can determine which of his records, if any, are protected by attorney-client privilege, likely because he understands that doing so could embarrass more individuals, like Trump Jr., who have previously availed themselves of his services. The portfolio of shady deals Cohen completed on behalf of a client who later became President of the United States, it appears, now threatens to torpedo his utility as a Maurice Levy-esque fixer for anyone else. And even though Cohen's livelihood—and perhaps his freedom—hangs in the balance, no one in his boss' orbit seems interested in taking a fall for the man who is already in the process of taking a very precipitous fall, says Vanity Fair.

Cohen...has also been dismayed by the silence from Trump’s inner-circle in Washington, many of whom he expected would have his back. One person familiar with his thinking said that he’s gotten messages from thousands of people since last Monday, but “it’s been a ghost town from D.C.,” other than from the president.

Things have gotten so bad for Michael Cohen, says Vanity Fair, that he has floated the possibility of hiring the only attorney he trusts anymore to represent his interests in court: himself. I suspect that at this point, most clients of Michael Cohen would advise him to find someone better.

Update: Part of Cohen's reluctance to disclose his list of clients, according to the letter he wrote to the judge over the weekend, is that one of Cohen's three recent legal clients—other than President Trump and former RNC official Elliott Broidy, for whom Cohen facilitated a $1.6 million payment to conceal an extramarital affair with a former Playboy Playmate—objected to having his identity revealed in court, even though that client's records, admits Cohen, are responsive to the FBI's warrant. At a hearing today, that mysterious individual was finally unmasked. Guess who?

We do not know, of course, what work Cohen completed on behalf of Sean Hannity. But no matter what it is, the Fox News personality's deranged "crime families" screed after the raid on Cohen's office is starting to make a lot more sense.

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Trump is Finished