If you needed any further evidence that it’s no longer possible to distinguish satire from real-life, you can now buy Apple Card cases in wood or metal – including gold, of course – for anything from $39 to $900…

Apple kind of made this inevitable when it issued a support document for how to protect and clean your Apple Card.

Kerf offers a case in a choice of four different woods, with prices ranging from $39 to $139.

The Apple Card Case is here. It is new kind of wallet, designed exclusively for a single titanium card. Like all Apple products, it too, needs a great protective cover. With an innovative pop-up design, the card fits safe and secure inside a soft ultrasuede liner, yet with the push of a finger, pops out for easy use. We’ve focused on the details to design the best Apple Card Case. Cut from a solid block of hardwood, and lined with premium, engineered Alcantara (ultra suede) this protective case is as beautiful as it is functional.

You’ll be pleased to hear that it is ‘compatible with Apple Card Titanium [but] will also work with other credit cards.’ (Honestly, I’m not making this up, they really did say that.)

$39 gets you a Maple case without engraving, while a Figured Walnut case with custom image is yours for $139.

But that’s clearly an amateurish effort to extract cash from people who are way too excited about their Apple Card. iJustine got her hands on a gold-coated titanium one costing $900, and it won’t surprise you to learn that it’s from Gray, the company which makes ugly iPhone cases costing more than twice as much as the iPhones they protect.

Perfection is attained not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. We created the Vandium with an aim to strip your wallet down to its most essential and minimal form for the world of tomorrow. With the pervasive spread of card accepting venues and the advent of mobile wallet technologies, the world has started to transition into a cashless and coinless society. In this future, the Vandium will be the only wallet you will ever need. They say that the devil is in the details, and the Vandium card wallet promises to excite your senses at each of its multifaceted angles. Bold architectural lines break the profile of the wallet, creating an angular design inspired by the aerodynamic shape of hypersonic planes . Your journey is taken further with the mechanically textured surface, a tactile sensation that elevates the Vandium into another dimension. This stunning finish is the result of precision engineered machining tools made by our most trusted artisans, impossible to be replicated by hand.

There’s more of this nonsense on the company’s webpage. A design which properly aligns with the chip presumably costs extra.

Check out iJustine’s video review below.

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