Pocket money levels are returning to pre-financial crisis levels, Halifax said this week. So how much should you spend on your children? Donna Ferguson interviewed five very different families

Sarah, 42, and her husband, 47, work in the public sector and have a household income of £75,000. They have a nine-year-old daughter

We started giving our daughter 50p a week in pocket money two years ago when she was seven years old, because we found out all her classmates were getting an allowance. However, for that she has to set the table, clear the dishes and make her bed. We agreed to increase it to £1 recently if she started feeding her hamster every day, but she hasn't managed so she hasn't got it.

She can, however, earn extra money for certain tasks: 5p for pairing a couple of socks from the laundry, 50p for watering the front and back garden, £2 for helping to clean the car.

When we discovered some of her friends get £10 a week without doing any chores we felt we were mean parents. But we are both from working class backgrounds and from a very young age we were taught that money has to be earned, so it was important to us that she learned that money doesn't grow on trees – and that "I want" doesn't get. We want her to appreciate that sometimes you have to make sacrifices and be considerate of other people's sacrifices too.

We save £100 a month into a child savings account for her when she turns 18. And we don't just say "no" to her. We pay for her clothes, books, trips out, piano lessons, private tuition and birthday presents for her friends. We recently rewarded her for doing well at school with an annual theme park pass for the whole family, which cost £100 per person.

'I think the high use of the trampoline is down to the fact she saved for it'. Photograph: Huw Jones/Alamy

However, she has to save for other things she wants. She once saved for more than a year, using money she was given on her birthday and at Christmas, and bought herself a £300 trampoline. She uses it a lot, more than a year later, and I think that is down to the fact she saved for it.

She is a very generous person and a savvy shopper – she likes to shop around for a bargain. When she is tempted to make an impulse purchase with her pocket money she thinks about whether she really needs it now or can get it cheaper later. Sometimes she even says to me: "Mummy, put this money into my savings account. I don't want to spend it yet."

Henrietta, 48, earns £7,000 a year as a part-time administrator. Her husband, 49, earns £40,000 working for the NHS. They have a son, aged 15, and a daughter, aged 18

We give our son an allowance of £8 a week and our daughter £50 a month – but they have to keep their rooms clean, put their laundry away and take turns loading and unloading the dishwasher in order to get it. I rarely have to nag them because they know if they don't do it all, they won't get anything.

Both of our salaries go into a joint account, which we use to pay for half their gym memberships and basic wardrobe items like their shoes, a coat and underwear.

They buy the rest of their clothes. We also pay for their phones, but they are on the cheapest deals possible.

We felt we should teach our children the value of money and that everything has to be earned; you don't get something for nothing.

I think it makes them less materialistic when they have to pay for something themselves. They realise they will have to make some kind of sacrifice to buy it, and it can make the object they want to buy less important to them. Both of them can save successfully – my son has managed to save more than £1,000. He has more money than us in the bank!

I do sometimes feel under pressure to give them more money, because some of their friends come from wealthier families and have more cash than they do. Sometimes I feel guilty because I want to give them more and am not able to. I never give in though – we can't afford it and I don't want to get into debt.

When my daughter goes to university she will take out her maximum loan and we are going to give her about £50 a week on top, but if she needs more she will have to get a part-time job. And learn to cook.

Ewan, 44, earns £100,000 as a medical researcher, and his wife, 44, earns £49,000 as a doctor four days a week. They have 21-month-old twins

More than 60% of my wife's salary goes on childcare for the twins, which costs £2,600 a month. It's crazy; the equivalent of putting your kid through Eton. They are at private nursery four mornings a week because the local state nursery didn't have enough places, and the rest of the time that my wife is at work we have to have two nannies. With two toddlers you need a second pair of hands or it's complete bedlam.

The whole time she was on maternity leave we hired a nanny to help her. We didn't feel it was a luxury, it was more like a necessity just so I could go to work.

We have a second property in Spain and between the mortgage on that, the mortgage on our two-bed London flat and childcare we have absolutely no slack in our income – in fact, we are dipping into our savings just to get by each month. We find it impossible to save at all, even for the children, although we'd like to. I feel quite relaxed about this. I see it as only a temporary situation – as the twins get older we'll pay less for childcare.

A Center Parcs visit is one of two holidays one family is planning to take this year.

We are planning to have two holidays this year: one in Center Parcs and one in Spain, but because we will stay with family there the kids will only cost £80 in flights.

We also take them on trips out about once a month, spending £30-£40 each time, and up to £50 a month on occasional toys and treats. On top of this we typically spend about £50 a week on each child, which covers their activities, clothes, food and a weekly creche session while we go to the gym.

We have been given a lot of toys and hand-me-downs by other parents. Our biggest single expenses were our £1,300 double-buggy and £200 playpen, which is huge.

I don't regret having bought anything we got new. It has all definitely been worth it. We made a choice to have children and while some of the costs are shocking, we are lucky to earn good salaries and we have enough to survive.

Maria, 53, is a freelancer, earning about £35,000 a year. Her ex-husband lives abroad and earns well over £100,000. They have an 18-year-old son

I went freelance after my divorce to be more available for my son. Since then my salary has ranged from as much as £3,500 a month to nothing at all. My ex pays our son's private school fees and, while his initial alimony payments were generous, they tapered off to £250 a month.

Since my son was 11 I have given him an allowance of £50 a month, which wasn't dependent on chores or helping around the house. On top of this I pay for his phone, clothes, computer games, private sports club memberships, taxis, meals, entertainment, iTunes account, spending money for holidays – you name it.

My son has been given several investments and bonds by relatives and has a lot of savings. In addition, I have been trying to save my child benefit payments for him, but life as a freelancer has meant I've had to dip into it in recent years. So on his 18th birthday I was only able to give my boy £5,000. This has damaged my relationship with my child. He won't forgive me for failing to save all of it, and both he and my ex have called me a thief and a disgrace.

I feel disappointed I couldn't save all the money, but there were times I had just £7 a week to live on, so I feel justified.

I am stunned at the focus on money by children, but I also think I was unfair to my son. I thought he would have an adult understanding of money but he doesn't appreciate how difficult it can be to make ends meet. In hindsight, I think I spoiled him. We do children a disservice by handing out money with no expectation of a contribution to family life in return."

Mike, 29, is a writer earning £38,000. His wife, 29, is a part-time teacher on £15,000. They have a two-year-old son and another baby on the way

We are very lucky because our son's grandparents look after him whenever my wife is working, so we don't have any childcare costs.

'I reckon we probably spend £20 a week on his baby food'. Photograph: Linda Nylind for the Guardian

I reckon we probably spend £20 a week on his food and other essentials, and £120 a quarter on his shoes and clothes – we mainly buy them new.

We also get him a toy and a magazine every fortnight for £4. Once a month or so we will also spend £30-£40 on a trip out with him, and at birthdays and Christmas we'll splash out on presents that cost about £70. Other than that, when he asks for a treat we are firm with him and say "no" most of the time.

I pay for all my son's regular expenses out of my salary, but if my wife wants to buy him something when she's out with him then she pays for it herself – that's like her present.

She also saves £100 a month for us both, while I've been saving £25 a month for our son since he was born.

It's going to be tight for a few months when my wife goes on maternity leave again, but she'll go back to work after six months this time – partly for money reasons, but partly because she sees the benefit of going back to work. And luckily we kept everything we bought for our son, so we haven't needed to buy anything for the new baby yet.

We've also learned a lot of lessons about spending money. When you're a first-time parent you think everything you buy needs to be new and perfect. We've felt pressured by other parents to buy stuff that we didn't need and got caught up in the expectation that you have to buy the top brands. This time around we're going to get more secondhand stuff.