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Property of the Library of Records, Heimlich Hospital

Lemony Snicket was born before you were, and is likely to die before you as well. His family has roots in a part of the country which is now underwater, and his childhood was spent near the sea in the relative splendor of the Snicket Villa which has since become a factory, a fortress and a pharmacy and is now, alas, someone else's villa.Mr Snicket first received his education from public schools and private tutors, and then vice versa. Early in life, he learned to reupholster furniture, a skill that turned out to be far more important than anyone imagined. He has been hailed as a brilliant scholar, discredited as a brilliant fraud and mistaken for a much taller man on several occasions.To the untrained eye, Mr. Snicket's hometown would not appear to be filled with secrets. Untrained eyes have been wrong before.There was a scandal, of course and the aftermath was swift, brutal and inaccurately reported in the periodicals of the day. It is true, however, that Mr. Snicket was stripped of several awards by the reigning authorities, including Honorable Mention, the Grey Ribbon and First Runner-Up. The High Council reached a convenient, if questionable, verdict and Mr. Snicket found himself in exile. Once the recipient of several distinguished rewards, he is now an escapee of several indistinguishable prisons. He is widely regarded as one of the most difficult children's authors to capture and imprison.A studied expert in rhetorical analysis, Mr Snicket has spent the last several eras researching the travails of the Baudelaire orphans. During his spare time, he gathers evidence and is considered something of an expert by leading authorities. Recently, he had to give up his hobbies due to laws regarding musical performances in mountainous terrain.Lemony Snicket published his first book in 1999 and has not had a good night's sleep since. There are thirteen books in the A Series of Unfortunate Events, and they should be avoided at all costs.Until recently, he was presumed to be 'presumed dead'. Instead, this 'presumed' presumption wasn't disproved not to be incorrect. Most things written about him are not true, but this is.Eternally pursued and insatiably inquisitive, a hermit and a nomad, Mr. Snicket wishes you nothing but the best.

As Mr. Snicket's investigations usually prevent him from being anywhere near any electronic equipment, this website is operated by well-informed volunteers, who would much prefer if you would spend your time somewhere else, rather than sticking your nose into classified information, a phrase which here means "none of your business."Like Mr. Snicket, they wish you nothing but the best.

Text © by Lemony Snicket. All rights reserved.