“Hello everybody.” Brooke smiles. She’s wearing a blonde wig that falls to her shoulders, a big red lip, silver diamond earrings as well as a red silk top under a black leather jacket. “This is Brooke Lynn Hytes.”

“And Vanessa Vanjie Mateo-Hytes.” Vanjie is wearing a brown wig with soft curls, the bang swept to the side. She has silver hoops in, a mesh top, a Hytes sports bra and latex gloves in black.

”Papi.” Brooke smiles, rolling her eyes as she reaches backwards, grabbing Vanjie’s thigh. “You’re not a Hytes.”

“Yet.” Vanjie smiles brightly, holding up her finger, pointing at the camera, and Brooke laughs.

“Welcome to a new episode of Fashion, Photo, Ruvieeew.”

The logo flies over the screen, the intro music playing.

“Tonight.” Vanjie opens her mouth, her signature gruff voice coming out. “We’re tooting and booting the queens from RuPaul’s Drag Race UK!”

“No one else was available.” Brooke smiles, and Vanjie hits her arm.

“Bitch don’t you play.”

“I’m not.” Brooke moves slightly in her chair, “but let’s see if these girls can.”

“First photo up!” Vanjie points. “Drop the bitch!”

A picture of Baga Chipz shows up on the screen.

“Off..” Brooke bites her lip. “So, this is Baga Chips. A lovely queen.”

“Lovely.” Vanjie chimes in.

“But with this outfit? It’s very…” Brooke pauses for a minute, clearly looking for her words. “She looks like that Disney Villain. The one who, oh god what is she called?”

“The one with the puppies?”

“Yes!” Brooke smiles. “That one.”

“You can already hear the disney freaks flood the comments.” Vanjie laughs. “Now listen. I live for Baga Chipz,” Vanjie says. “I’ve worked with her a few times,”

“She’s amazing to party with.” Brooke confirms.

“But Baga Chipz…” Vanjie sighs, pushing her hair back. “That wig. It looks more stressed out when than me when I was in the bottom of that last finale episode-” Vanjie looks over at Brooke, “when we was in top five.”

A clip of Vanjie from “Queens Everywhere” shows up on screen, Vanjie pouting in her final runway outfit.

“You mean when I destroyed you?” Brooke smirks.

“Shut your reigning ass.” Vanjie pushes Brooke’s leg with her own, knocking their knees together, and Brooke laughs.

“I can see the idea in this…” Brooke says. “But it’s very Halloween Queen, which is a shame.”

“It would’ve been nice with a pencil skirt, the jacket open, a little bra.”

“So you want her to be a slut?” Brooke smirks.

“She a lady of the night.” Vanjie smiles. “I live for the idea, that a plus, but the execution is a minus. I’ma sorry Baga, but this one is a boot for me.”

“Same. So, up next, we have Blue Hydrangea.”

Blu’s picture shows up on screen.

“I don’t like the pose.” Brooke says. “The colors scheme is okay, and it’s a fun detail that the leotard and the wig matches, it’s cohesive-”

“I like the colors. I like the orange and the, I don’t even know what that’s called.”

“What?” Brooke raises an eyebrow, looking over at Vanjie. “What did you just say?”

“That color. The turquodic?”

“Do you mean turquoise?”

“What about me makes you think I’ma color knowledge ho?” Vanjie puts her hand on her waist. “I got my blacks, I got my silvers and I got my reds. I don’t need no others.”

“It’s turquoise.” Brooke laughs. “And also very American. Now I love a good dance costume.”

“We know you do boo.”

“But this doesn’t feel very original to me. You have all the elements of a drag outfit, but I’d throw a tenner or two at her if I saw her perform.”

“Look at you being international.” Vanjie smiles, and Brooke laughs.

“I’m saying toot?” Brooke looks and Vanjie, and Vanjie nods.

“Toot across the board!”

A picture of Cheryl Hole comes up, and Vanjie yells with excitement.

“Come on for the swim suit champ! We here live, loud and strong!” Vanjie is looking down at the photo. “She is so pretty!”

“You do have a thing for tall blonds.” Brooke smirks.

“Bitch I got a thing for you.” Vanjie looks over. “So this is Cheryl Hole.”

Brooke's eyes go wide with delight, Vanjie not reacting at all. “Say that again.”

“What? Cheryl Hole? Share-a-ho?”

“Cher- y - Hole?”

Vanjie gasps. “Is that what it’s supposed to be?”

“I’d share a hole.” Brooke looks directly into the camera, wiggling her eyebrows, which earns her a hit on the leg from Vanjie.

“No!” Vanjie points to the camera. “I don’t share holes. I’m greedy. We Purto Rican, we don’t do that!”

Brooke smiles, her arm catching Vanjie’s waist. “I like the hair.” Brooke looks down at Cheryl’s photo. “I like the green, I don’t love the boots. Black is such a sad choice, and those hands are clearly there to hide that she didn’t cinch.”

“Ain’t nothing wrong with not cinching if you ain’t feeling like it!”

“I’d say it’s problematic for a promo shoot.” Brooke shrugs. “And the shoes look like the right ones didn’t get delivered in time. I’m giving it a light boot.”

“Cheryl is pretty bitch, and I’m gonna it a toot.” Vanjie is waving her nails. “She’s put together, nails and everything. She has the good stance.” Vanjie puts both hands at her waist. “Pam. Give it to them like Janet Jackson.”

“Next up, all the way from London, is Crystal!” Brooke announces.

“Ooh.” Vanjie points. “You like the shoe?” Vanjie looks at Brooke. “I live for that shoe.”

“Do they lace up? They look almost like a ballet shoe.”

“Miss Crystal.” Vanjie holds her hand up to her ear, making a phone gesture. “Slide into the DM’s, we gotta know!”

“We’re not sharing shoes.” Brooke rolls her eyes.

“Well I saw them first!” Vanjie smiles. “So slide into my DM’s girl!”

“I’d be willing to give this a toot.” Brooke crosses her leg.

“Crystal,” Vanjie shakes her hand out. “You get a toot, it’s well thought out, I like the color scheme, well done!”

“From YorkShire we have Divine De Campo.” Brooke groans. “Now I adore Divine, and she’s so much fun to work with, but darling.” Brooke looks directly into the camera. “What is up with this dress? It looks like you did a jump and split it down the middle.

“The split is right at the biscuit. Very Hollyhood.”

“The length is so awkward.”

“Someone has taken grumpy lessons from Miss Violet.”

“I’m not grumpy.” Brooke laughs. “But I’ve seen how nice Divine can look, and check out that boa. She spend money on that.”

“She did. AIn’t nothing worse than a regular degular party city chicken shit thing, but I’ma give it a toot, cause it is put together right.”

“And I will give it a boot.” Brooke looks at the camera. “It looks like something a Drag mom borrows from her daughter to look hip.”

Vanjie winches. “You an assassin.”

“I thought I was Violet.” Brooke smiles, and Vanjie laughs.

“Aaaah!!” Vanjie yells, Gothic Kendoll showing up on the screen. “Oh bitch!” Vanjie picks the picture up, holding it close. “Now this is how you do Violet! I like the hair, the outfit is cute, the latex is cute,”

“This is how you serve attitude.” Brooke smiles.

“Mmh!” Vanjie nods.

“This is a fully realised outfit, right down to the bitchy brow, and we love a bitch brow.” Brooke smirks. “Toot!”

“Yes bitch, this is everything. I love how the jacket is the statement piece.”

“You love a good jacket.”

“Toot to the jacket and everything else!” Vanjie yells.

“Up next is Scaredy Kat.” Brooke says. “This is very cute, very youthful. Very very pink?”

“It way cartoony! Like she’s giving me blossoms.”

Brooke looks over at Vanjie. “... What?”

“You know. The Power Puff whores?”

“And that’s a cartoon?” Brooke looks confused. “Did they look like this? What channel was that on?”

“Bitch how come you don’t know the power puff girls? Bubbles, Blossom and Buttercup?” Vanjie watches Brooke, laughing when she sees she has no idea what she’s talking about. “Sometimes I forget you old as dirt.”

“I’m 5 years older than you.”

“So old as dirt.” Vanjie smirks, and Brooke leans in to kiss her, the two exchanging a pick peck, Vanjie yelping as Brooke pinches her.

“Scaredy, you get a toot, cause I get those references.”

“And I like it too.” Brooke smiles. “Even though I’m apparently ancient and awfully out of style.”

A loud beep comes on, and the screen shifts to show the green.

“Shit.” Vanjie is waving herself with her hand. “Can we take a two second break? It hot as shit in here.”

Brooke chuckles. “We are in a basement.”

"We ain't all wearing a face we could go swimming in." Vanjie is taking a sip of a red bull. “That a new lipstick?” An assistant is touching Brooke, checking her mic.

“Mmh.” Brooke smiles. “Fenty.”

“Shit you look fierce.” Vanjie leans in, kissing Brooke.

“Would you give me a toot?” Brooke blinks, clearly teasing.

“Any day of the mother fucking week.”

The assistant moves to Vanjie, his hand reaching into her bra.

“Wow big guy!” Vanjie looks up at him. “Ask a lady before you feeling her tatas!”

“Be careful you don’t touch a nip.” Brooke laughs, the blonde queen fanning herself with a fan. “Or he might fight you-”

“You the one who’s supposed to be fighting for me bitch-”

The screen bips, and a picture of Sum Ting Wong is on the screen.

“Now. I don’t love a breast plate,” Brooke points to the screen. “If you’re going to wear one, you better make sure you’re covered up so that I can’t see the line of latex, and those shoes?” Brooke shakes her head a little. “It looks like you had to duct tape them to your feet, but I enjoy your coat, and I see the effort that was put into the wig.”

“It kinda like a Moulin Rouge movement.”

“If it was off off off broadway.” Brooke smiles.

“It the seduction, but you can see the corset in the middle a lil, and while I don’t mind that-”

“You were read for it quite a bit on Drag Race.”

“And did you help me get my shit together?” Vanjie raises a brow.

“I’m your boyfriend, not your manager.” Brooke smiles.

“And you ain’t my Mama either, so shut your face.” Vanjie looks to the screen, her hand on Brooke’s knee. “I don’t mind, but if you showing your best, we shouldn’t see that. You can’t be doing that, but overall, I like this fantasy! So toot!”

“And boot.”

“Overall it’s cute!” Vanjie proclaims.

“I give a boot, if I want to give a boot.” Brooke smiles.

“Next up is Vinegar Strokes.”

“Yikes.” Brooke takes a minute, looking at the picture. “Okay, so, I think that first reaction isn’t completely fair, but if there’s one thing I hate, it’s halloween.”

“And christmas.”

Brooke smiles. “I don’t hate christmas, I just don’t enjoy it.”

“Same shit different hat.” Vanjie beams.

“This outfit is very halloween,” Brooke shrugs. but the materials are decent. It is, very, very, very random though.”

“It look a bit like how you hit randomize in the Sims.”

Brooke chuckles, their chairs so close together now their legs are touching no matter what, Vanjie looking miniature next to Brooke since the filming illusion is broken.

“Now girl, I love you.” Vanjie looks at the camera. “I don’t know you, but those boots.. This whole outfit, I’m real sorry, but it’s a boot.”

“Boot from me too.”

“Last but not least, we have The Vivienne!”

“Yes!” Brooke yells, snapping her fingers. “Now this is a queen who has earned the ‘The’ in her name. Vivienne is so polished. The UK doesn’t do pageants, but she’s pageant perfection. Hair, outfits, mug, everything is always in place, and she is an absolute dream to work with.”

“She is a dream.” Vanjie smiles. “She serving the Christina Arguleria of it all.”

“We only have one thing to say.” Brooke looks at Vanjie, “and that is-”

“Shoot!!”