Whatever, here are some cool facts about a country you’ve probably never heard of…that has absolutely nothing to do with Australia…or kangaroos…or vaginas…but it does have dicks…lots and lots of dicks…enough to gang bang a herd of kangaroos. Come with us on a journey through time and space to the world of the Mighty Bhutan.

I found the kangaroo thing while looking for weird facts about the world to segue into a post about Bhutan. Then, I had to double check my facts, so now, “kangaroo vaginas” is in my search history (Sadly, not the worst thing there).

Did you know that kangaroos have three vaginas? Sometimes we get so caught up in our own little bubble that we forget about the rest of the world and don’t even realize it would take five guys to get an air tight fuck on a marsupial. Tasmanian Devils also have the marsupial trifecta twat, but unless you are desperate for some lovin’ because you’ve been on walkabout for months in the Australian outback, you should know to not stick your dicks in crazy.

Bhutan is a tiny third world country located in the Eastern Himalayas, neighboring Tibet and India. Bhutan ranks first in economic freedom, ease of doing business, and peace. Bhutan was voted “least corrupt country" in 2016. Unfortunately, they don’t really have an economy, making “economic freedom” not that amazing. Business is easy over there, if you consider trading goats a business. They enjoy relative peace considering Bhutan is a pain in the ass to get to and there really isn’t anything to take once you get there. Basically, it's great because it doesn't have anything, including bad things. Like Puff Daddy says, "Mo money mo problems." Bhutan has no money so no problems.

Gross National Happiness

Someone asked the king of Bhutan if he ever considered chopping down all the trees in Bhutan and exporting them to raise the country’s Gross National Product. Jingme Singye Wangchuck, aka, the Dragon King, aka the fourth king of Bhutan said, “We do not believe in Gross National Product. Gross National Happiness is more important.” Then he went back to his palace while most of the country lives in like, yurts and shit, with dicks drawn all over them. Gross national happiness is now taken into consideration while discussing government policy in Bhutan. Well, except when they are talking about the 100,000 or so ethnic Nepalis that got thrown into refugee camps and pushed out of the country by the Bhutanese army during the 90’s.

Dicks

Yeah, so, Bhutan has more penises drawn on it than the first guy to pass out at a frat party. Sometime around 1500 a Tibetan monk named Drukpa Kunley aka “The Madman from Kyishodruk” moved to Bhutan and pissed off all the other prudish monks by fucking anyone who was willing and telling everyone else that fucking ain’t a bad thing. Drupka started drawing giant cocks all over buildings to drive away demons. He called these cocks the “Thunderbolt of Flaming Wisdom.” The mad saint built a temple covered with dick pics where he supposedly fought off demons by mushroom stamping them on the forehead with his monster dong. He also had a big wooden penis with a silver sword handle he brought with him from Tibet that he nicknamed “The Lama’s Thunderbolt.” The current Lama in residence at the temple hits women on the head with the thunderbolt as a blessing to beget children, and so the Lama’s can all have a good laugh about it around the dinner table.

Wrestling

Bhutan boasts the title of “Last country on Earth to get television” Bhutan finally joined the rest of the world and turned on the idiot box in 1998, thanks to everyone in the country really wanting to watch the World Cup finals between France and Brazil. Over half of the population of Bhutan is age 15 or younger. Due to this statistic, the most popular show in Bhutan is the American Wrestling program WWE. Since the introduction of television broadcasting, Bhutan has been plagued by a rash of broken tables and steel chairs. Reporters asked local child, “Lobsang, the Red panda of Destruction” if he thought the introduction of wrestling was having a negative impact on the otherwise peaceful youth.

After adjusting the colorful tassels wrapped around his biceps, Lobsang replied, “What do you think….It doesn’t matter what you think! Let me tell you what Lobsang thinks! Lobsang thinks he’s going to take that microphone, turn it sideways, and shove it right up your candy ass! Do you smellellellellellellelle….What Lobsang is cooking?!”

Weed

Marijuana has grown freely all over Bhutan for as long as anyone can remember. There’s so much dank growing everywhere in Bhutan that it is considered a pest…or…a weed. The Bhutanese people are more likely to feed pot plants to their pigs than smoke it. Although, since the introduction of Snoop Dog videos weed is growing in popularity as a recreational enhancement. Despite the fact that the country is literally covered in weed, Bhutan is like most of the rest of the world in believing that an inexpensive natural plant that makes you happy should obviously be illegal. Tourists are encouraged to avoid foraging for drugs in people’s yards to avoid attention from the authorities. Just ask somebody and they’ll be happy to give you some.

Tourism

Travel to Bhutan is limited and can only be booked through official Bhutanese tour operators so make sure to plan your trip at least three months in advance. Visas cost about $40 as well as a tourism package that costs between $200 and $290 a day. That sounds kinda steep but it includes all accommodations, meals, transportation, guides and porters, and cultural programs. Also, cigarettes are illegal in Bhutan so if you smoke, make sure you bring enough for your trip and hide in the forest while getting your nicotine fix.

Media Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9