SCP-3245

SCP-3245 prior to initial containment.

Item #: SCP-3245

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: Stored in a medium security humanoid containment unit, SCP-3245 is to be provided with normal humanoid amenities contingent on continued good behavior. All excrement and waste shall be held in one of Site-77's low-security containment vaults. Once per day, SCP-3245 is granted access to a Level-1 psychological researcher. Upon SCP-3245's request, this researcher may bring word or puzzle games within Site-77 into its containment chamber for recreational purposes.

Once per week, or more often as dictated by the lead researcher, Level-0 personnel are to decontaminate and clean SCP-3245's living space. The toilet cubicle connects directly to a storage vault. All personnel directly interacting with SCP-3245 must undergo full-body decontamination before entering its area. A disease screening is required upon the completion of their activities.

A request from SCP-3245 not to be exposed to any variety of tabletop games has been tentatively granted.

Description: SCP-3245 is a humanoid entity of Cuban descent. The internal anatomy of the subject is supplanted by board and chance-based games, which it has shown anomalous skill at playing. Displaying outwardly average intelligence, SCP-3245 is aware of its condition and expresses frequent anxiety over its bodily functions. The words "Mr. Playing Games Is Bad For Your Health By Gamers Against Weed" have been branded into both of SCP-3245's thumbs.

SCP-3245's breathing emits the sound of an active automatic card shuffler. Sneezing causes cards to be ejected from the subject's esophagus. After entering REM sleep, the sound of a jammed card shuffler is believed to approximate snoring.

Metallic fluids are secreted from the sudoriferous glands in place of sweat. Although not molten, this material displays polymorphic properties which will form pieces from the game Monopoly on the exterior of the subject's epidermis. Once formed they spontaneously propel themselves off SCP-3245's body.

A disjointed amalgamation of components taken from the board game "Mousetrap" has replaced the digestive system. This causes SCP-3245 to suffer symptoms similar to Irritable Bowel Syndrome, although it is able to consume food while excreting the waste as various game tokens from the materials which comprise its biology. Bodily fluids appear to be composed of micro-plastic particulates flowing as a liquid.

The cranial cavity has no grey matter, but a miniaturized chess board which plays itself autonomously. SCP-3245's heart is a "Connect Four" game board, with the sounds of gameplay replicating heartbeats. Occasionally, this board clears itself which briefly causes the subject to experience intense chest pain. While appearing outwardly healthy, it is not possible to determine the overall state of SCP-3245's health due to its anomalous properties.

Virtually all of these anomalies cause SCP-3245 some level of discomfort and extended play has resulted in symptoms comparable to the effects of recovery from physical addiction. It has also been noted that although the subject has a standard dietary regimen, its digestive disorders were far more pronounced during the time which it was being tested with board games. The build quality of game pieces produced by SCP-3245 may deteriorate in quality depending on the condition of its health.

History: SCP-3245 was recovered from a site believed to have been used by the Group of Interest "Herman Fuller's Circus of the Disquieting". Reports from the area while the Circus was active indicated that SCP-3245 had been working as a carnival game-runner. Evidence indicates that the subject had not been associated with the circus for very long prior to initial containment.

When Foundation agents arrived at the location, SCP-3245 was the only living subject present. In addition, several carnival games were discovered in dilapidated condition, as well as disturbed soil indicating heavy foot traffic in the area. SCP-3245 was recovered without further incident.

First reports of SCP-3245's existence had been documented in Atlanta, GA, when online records related to the Gamers Against Weed GoI were found during a standard web crawl operation. The activity of SCP-3245 during the six month gap between its creation and recovery by Foundation agents remains unknown.

Addendum: Interview Log:

Interviewed: SCP-3245, Mr. Playing Games Is Bad For Your Health by Gamers Against Weed Interviewer: Dr. Rasmusen, Site-77 Researcher. Foreword: Interview took place shortly after initial containment to gain insight of SCP-3245's perspective regarding its creation and subsequent activities. <Begin Log> Dr. Rasmusen: Good evening, SCP-3245. Is your health well? SCP-3245: Do you guys just have one pool of questions you ask everyone? Wouldn't have to interview us so many times if any of 'em had a point. I'm fine, though, not that y'all care. Not like I've got the circus healthcare anymore. Dr. Rasmusen: We, I, do have genuine concern for your health. The measures we've taken to preserve your life should prove that. Our livelihood depends on it, that at the very least should convince you. SCP-3245: Fantastic. Thanks. What a great life you're preserving to poke and prod forever. Whatever. Guess it's not like I've ever done better anywhere else. Not even when I had a real job. Not since I was made. Dr. Rasmusen: Why do you think you were created? SCP-3245: Stupid kids playing God. They wanted me to be like the Six Million Dollar Man but with games. What a life to aspire to. What's the point of playing when the game is rigged from the start? My brain is wired for games. I'm probably going to win every time. Only place that ever valued what I do was the circus, but even they only wanted to exploit it. Dr. Rasmusen: So, your properties continue to bother you? SCP-3245: I'm pissing fuckin' sand, man. It's bad. I hate that goddamn T-Rex. Just when I thought they were taking out one of those goddamn pointy pieces. A dinosaur! What the fuck is that doing in monopoly? It's bullshit. Pointiest piece ever. Take an eye out with that thing. Dr. Rasmusen: Would you agree with the premise of your creation? SCP-3245: Huh? Dr. Rasmusen: Playing games, having a detrimental effect on one's health. SCP-3245: Shit, I'm glad they didn't put that on my thumbs, I'd have no skin left. Pauses. Mean… I'm kind of biased, because fucking look at me. But fun and games can definitely take over a life. When I joined the Circus, I saw how they took carnival games to a new level of addiction. They're rigged from the start. But you still have people, who've seen enough and followed along to the point they should know, still trying to get that… whatever bullshit prize is at the end of the rainbow. They're like deadheads. It's a new drug. Not even gambling, but maybe a little like gambling, the same rush. What isn't a drug, honestly? I know the kids who made me had problems. I guess maybe I was supposed to be a joke? Framing it as, like, these are just harmless games, not physically degenerative. Unless it's literally what you are. But I'm a bad joke. When these little shits are playing games with nature, it's worse than some card shit. You might spend all your money on cardboard cards but these fucks are digging up dead bodies and morphing them into unnatural bullshit. The games they're playing… I hope they're high because making this shit without chemical alteration… I don't even want to think about it. Dr. Rasmusen: How was the period around your creation like for you? SCP-3245: I don't even remember, man… it's pretty fuzzy. It was a dorm, I think. A double room but without a roommate, so I lived in the closet during the day and slept on the spare mattress at night. Kid would be up all night playing Destiny and didn't feel the need to pipe down on my behalf. Dr. Rasmusen: Why did you stay? SCP-3245: Kid had mad connections. I don't know if they were really dominoes, or some other thing that looked like 'em… but I could snort that shit and get mad high. Of course those were my championship druggie days. I try to stay clean now. You guys through now? Dr. Rasmusen: Almost. When did you leave, ending up with the circus of all places? SCP-3245: Smart dumb kids like that… they get tired of stuff quickly. One close call with his RA was all it took to boot me to the curb. Wandered the streets for awhile, freezing my ass off, until I ended up finding something shiny and warm. Out in the woods, where they said they waited for people like me once we were done playing around. I don't remember much specifically but whatever I agreed to ended up being a good deal for a long time. Dr. Rasmusen: They hired you to play games, yes? What constitutes a game for you? SCP-3245: Yeah, I ran the midway. It's always a bad day at the midway. People getting hurt, either in their bodies, minds or wallets. There aren't any winners there. Everyone knows, even the little squirts like me. When you're only taking things away from people it strikes a lot of psychological toll. It's why the Germans used to get their dudes sauced up before they went out to kill people. People don't like hurting each other, even when they say they do. Dr. Rasmusen: But how did they, do you, define games? SCP-3245: I'm getting tired of this. But it has to be fun. Like, math games, Sudoku, it's basically homework. Not about that life. Maybe if it was also a video game but at that point it's getting a little out of my wheelhouse. If people are having fun they're going to be thinking less and asking even fewer questions. That's all the circus ever wanted. Dr. Rasmusen: Are you going to answer any more questions? SCP-3245: No. <End Log> Closing Statement: Subject did not provide further insights and the interview was concluded shortly after the end of this log. Further interviews are to be conducted after the approval of the attending Level 3 Researcher.

Addendum: The following document was discovered stuck to the bottom of SCP-3245's shoe during initial containment. Due to exposure to the elements and being stepped upon repeatedly, the content of the document was heavily degraded.