The rise of the high-maintenance man

It’s not just megastars like Madonna who are feeling the pinch of divorce these days. More and more men are claiming huge payouts and even alimony from their higher-earning ex-wives. But is it fair?

£500,000 £1.5 million



Following the divorce of Madonna and Guy Ritchie, estimates have suggested the film director was awarded

£45 million from his ex-wife’s £200 million fortune, including a country pile and a London pub.



It’s set to be the latest in a long line of table-turning settlements where high-grossing women are forced to hand over hard-earned cash to less-successful husbands. Think Kate Winslet and first husband Jim Threapleton – who received £500,000; and Vanessa Feltz, who was ordered to pay her surgeon ex £1.5 million (after he cheated on her). But these pale in significance next to the £20 million Anne Robinson was reported to have paid her ex – who is also her ex-manager – after 27 years of marriage.

And it’s not just celebrities who are feeling the pinch. Britain ’s leading divorce lawyers are seeing a surge in such cases, with Northern law firm Pannone noting a 300 per cent increase in husbands trying to claim their wives’ assets in the past two years. This equates to around 120 cases in the past year alone.



‘This is an upward trend, mostly with professional women divorcing lower-paid men,’ confirms Fiona Wood, a partner at the company. ‘Many women are taken unawares. The husband may have earned £20,000 a year, but the court will account for the fact that her £200,000 wage gave him expensive holidays and a nice car, so he’ll be awarded enough to retain that standard of living.’

When 44-year-old Milly Johnson’s career as a romantic novelist took off, her marriage crumbled. ‘My husband was a builder and didn’t earn much. Providing for us and our two sons made me feel like a meal ticket.



'We’d only been married four years and there was no equity in our house, but he still walked off in 2000 with around £15,000 from me. It doesn’t sound a lot, but when you’re left to bring up your children on your own with no financial support and a mortgage, it hits you where it hurts.’

£20 million

£45 million



One woman in five now out-earns her husband, and the more a wife earns, the less likely a marriage is to succeed: ‘High-achieving women can still find themselves running the household, even if they’re working long hours.



'The alpha woman can become dissatisfied with this and has the financial independence to leave the marriage if she wishes. There’s also the fact that a man can feel emasculated by his wife’s success, which creates tension,’ says Sandra Davis, who acted as divorce lawyer for Princess Diana and is a partner with London law firm

Mishcon de Reya.

‘When I set up my own printing business my income became much greater than my husband’s – he just tinkered with cars,’ says Charlotte , a 48-year-old mother of two from Buckinghamshire.



‘While I was working, he was being idle. He didn’t even look after the children – I paid a nanny to do that. That’s why it seemed so unfair when, in 2007 after 16 years of marriage, he got 50 per cent of everything in the settlement, amounting to £185,000.



'When men pay their ex-wives a larger proportion of their assets, it’s usually in recognition of the wife’s non-financial contribution to the marriage. I feel like I was penalised for being successful.’

If sharing the spousal spoils is a bitter pill to swallow, imagine how choked many women feel paying an ex-husband monthly maintenance as well as splitting the marital assets 50/50. It’s usually paid only in cases where the husband has given up a career to look after children and would have difficulty re-entering the workplace.



‘This is still rare, but it does happen. Ten years ago a man would have been reluctant to pursue money from a woman. Now many have no qualms,’ says lawyer Richard Collins of London firm Charles Russell.

It’s even more common in the US , where teen idol Nick Lachey reportedly requested the right to seek spousal support from his ex-wife, singer Jessica Simpson.



Actress Kirstie Alley reportedly paid her ex a lump sum of $6 million, to avoid the $75,000 a month alimony he requested. ‘Men aren’t as proud as they used to be,’ says divorce coach Francine Kaye (thedivorcedoctor.co.uk). ‘A client of mine was forced to pay her ex-husband maintenance until he remarries.



'She’s a banker at the top of her game; he’s also a banker, several rungs down the ladder. It took a lot of coaching to help her through the hurt and anger.’

So, aside from staying single, what’s a successful girl to do? Our US counterparts seem to have it sussed: in a recent survey, 44 per cent of attorneys said they’d seen an increase in women asking for prenuptial agreements over the past five years. ‘You need to be sensible and adult, especially if you have the needs of children from an earlier relationship to protect,’ says Kaye.



Where the law lies

if you’re a

higher-earning wife The law treats men and women equally.

It looks first at needs (housing and expenditure), sharing (surplus wealth) and compensation (if one person has given up their career to look after the family).

There are no hard and fast rules about

exactly how much your husband will be awarded. A court will look at how long you’ve been together, how much money you went into the marriage with, and the standard of living he has become used to.







Where income is significant, matrimonial assets will almost always be shared equally, unless there’s a good reason against this – for example, a short marriage or inheritances.

Paying monthly maintenance to men is still relatively rare and usually happens only in cases where the husband has given up his career to look after the children. To avoid paying regular alimony, you are usually advised to offer a lump sum in the settlement on top of the marital assets split, which is seen as compensation for his disadvantage in the workplace.

For more advice, visit insidedivorce.com or go to the Starting Over Show in Brighton on 15 March (startingovershow.co.uk)

Spike Watson, a 51-year-old photographer from Newquay, Cornwall , married a young surfer in a moment of madness – and is still paying

the price

When I married James on a beach in South Africa in 2002, I was bowled over by him. He was a gorgeous, blue-eyed surfer dude, 14 years my junior, and I was a twice-married mother of three.



As a successful photographer I earned significantly more than him. He was barely working, just doing odd jobs here and there, while I was peaking in my career with a £200,000 yearly turnover.

He brought nothing to the marriage, but I already had two mortgage-free homes in London and Cornwall . I’d worked hard to afford them, and had also had a little help thanks to a previous divorce settlement.



However, despite my second husband being well-off, I hadn’t gone for everything I could – I settled merely for help with the mortgage because I have such a strong work ethic. Unfortunately, James didn’t share this. While I was commuting to London and back for work, he was surfing in Cornwall . I was having to bring in a lot of money just to keep us going. After three years, I’d had enough and filed for divorce.

It was one of the most stressful times of my life. James said he wanted half of everything, and I had to prove that it was mine before we’d got together. It took me a year of legal wrangling to get the settlement down from 50/50.



He got around 20 per cent of my worth, and it cost me over £200,000 in payout and legal fees.



I’m now mortgaged to the hilt on both properties – they’re interest-only and I’ll be paying them for the next 15 years. I’d been hoping to retire fairly soon, but there’s no chance of that as I’ve lost my pension thanks to him.

My children, who range in age from 16 to 26, are really upset for me and angry with him. I feel terribly guilty as I won’t be able to leave them anything now. I’m all for equality, but he didn’t contribute anything to our marriage yet walked off a relatively well-off man. Where’s his pride? If he didn’t earn it, surely that money shouldn’t be his?

Susan Singleton, a 46-year-old solicitor from Pinner, Middlesex, had to remortgage the family home to afford a huge divorce settlement

Susan outside her home with her children (from left) Joseph, Sam, Ben and Rebecca

We were 22 when we started our life together, me as a trainee solicitor and Martin as a teacher.



But as we got older, and I set up my own firm, I started out-earning him. It didn’t cause any friction because we just shared everything.



Most importantly, we shared bringing up our five children – Rachel, 24, Rebecca, 22, Ben, 20, and ten-year-old twins Sam and Joseph. Martin would do the washing, while I took the kids to the dentist – we made it work so that we could keep our careers.

By the time our marriage began to crumble five years ago, I earned a significant amount more than him. We hadn’t been getting on for years, so I filed for a divorce, but Martin didn’t want one. His solicitor recommended that he went for half of the joint assets plus maintenance, because we’d been married for 19 years and my income was so

much more.

The court looked at whether he should go back to living on a teacher’s wage or keep the standard of living he’d become used to. I had to hand over £870,000, which was a 60/40 split in his favour — it included a lump-sum maintenance amount so that I wouldn’t have to pay it each month for the rest of our lives.

I had to remortgage the family home and he got all of our savings, yet I’m supporting the children. I have to work so much harder now to make up for the big dent in my finances.



When we got divorced, the twins were only five and it was difficult for them – I needed to be there, but I also needed to pay the bills. In the school summer holidays, Martin has weeks off but only has the twins for a couple of nights, so I have to pay for childcare the rest of the time.

I think it’s very unfair that you should have to look after these people who have made no career sacrifice. Why should he get so much in the settlement, just because he chose to marry someone with a higher wage?



I don’t feel bitter towards Martin because he was following the advice of his solicitor, but I do feel angry about this country’s divorce laws. It’s unfair that they don’t factor in who gets the children.



I’m working full time to fund divorce debts and to support the children – it feels like a double burden.