My life in sex: 'I’ve been told that, as a fat girl, I should be grateful for attention'

Since I started dating in 2015, I’ve been flashed, stood up, verbally abused and generally used as a replacement for masturbation. I’ve lost count of how often I’ve been ghosted – both before and after sex. I’ve been told that, as a fat girl, I should be grateful for attention. There have been excuses (misses his ex, etc) but, mostly, men just vanish. I had a lovely date who told me his daughters had made him more empathic. He said he couldn’t wait for our second date, then… gone.

Another guy dumped me because I was “just too big”. This was two weeks after I went on the pill at his request. He was living illegally in a council flat with all his clothes in one bag, smoked like a chimney and the sex was underwhelming, but my size was the problem?

Another told me women were gold-diggers and he was in love with his stepmother. One man was extremely rough, and once he came (I did not), he dressed and left. Shortly after, he tried to pick me up from the same website, having obviously forgotten who I was. There was the guy who came back to my flat, where we started undressing, then he said he needed the loo. I realised he’d left when I heard the front door click.

My life in sex: the man who left his wife for his dominatrix Read more

Dating sites are full of men who use porn as a how-to guide but have little interest in female pleasure. They demand women be “free of baggage” and “drama”. But it’s impossible to be abused in this way and not get damaged.

Men, stop kidding yourselves that women aren’t hurt by how you behave. Do better. Be better.

• Each week, a reader tells us about their sex life. Want to share yours? Email sex@guardian.com.