If you’re from the South, you may have heard of Mama’s rule: If you can’t say something nice about someone, don’t say anything at all. Well, I can’t hold my tongue back on this catastrophe of a 1931 Ford Model A that hails from Doylestown, Pennsylvania, and is listed for sale here on eBay with an opening bid (not made) of $5,499 and no reserve. I’d thank reader Peter R. for coming up with this find, but if he’s like me his eyes still hurt and he’s probably regretting looking at it!

I’d really like to know who thought it was a good idea to install what at first glance looks like a Dodge Daytona/Plymouth Superbird wing on a Model A. But apparently that wasn’t enough, as two semi-horizontal fins were added about halfway up on the vertical supports for the wing. Supposedly this is an all-steel body, although if the wing and fins are made of steel, I’d have to give them credit for craftsmanship, but I seriously doubt that. The poor wheel choice just exacerbates the jarring styling.

Now, let me state right here that I absolutely support the right of anyone to do whatever they want with their own vehicles, and I do support creativity, etc, and some of the most beautiful cars I’ve ever seen are one-off customs. Please understand that my thoughts on this…thing…are at least somewhat tongue in cheek. Okay?

Is that pink house insulation panels that have been glued to the trunk lid/rumble seat opening? I’m guessing those are rust bubbles to the right of the door, but to be honest, who knows. Part of me wonders why it looks like a fiberglass replica in spots. Oh, mama, I can’t hold it in any longer–this may be my least favorite car we’ve ever featured! Aaaaaarrrrgh! My eyes hurt!

Apparently the wing wasn’t enough, the builder decided to craft a presumably one-off grille based on a 1932 Ford as well. I’ll leave the aesthetics of the grille alone as some of you might like it. Do you notice that even the car looks embarrassed about its appearance with downcast “eyes”? The body was installed on a Morrison frame with Mustang II front end components and, as you can see, the engine and transmission are conveniently not included, so you can choose your own!

The “interior” features a decent looking dashboard (see, Mama, I’m trying), with a nasty old ugly aftermarket steering wheel and convenient floor ventilation provided by the lack of a lower firewall. The unique and economical door latch system will only require a short amount of time to re-tie every time you drive this beauty! Please let us know if one of you buys this one, so I can avoid wherever you are and keep what’s left of my eyes intact!