Earlier today, an eager marketing person suggested we review an innovative new app that every Android user like totally needs, dude - Android Defrag. Created by Enlightened Software House, the app promised to "Increase your Android Mobile & Tablets Performance Speeds, Battery and Memory Today." There was a Pro version too, and it only cost a buck - what a deal! Here, check out this gem's full description:

Increase your Android Mobile & Tablets Performance Speeds, Battery and Memory Today with the NEW Android Defrag PRO version direct from Andriod Google Play Store!

★ Designed for Top Andriod Mobile & Tablet Performance!

Enhanced Android Defrag PRO doesn't just provide simple defragmentation, It also streamlines your file system, enabling your Android to run at top speed with the highest stability possible.

★ One Touch Smart Defrag!

Enhanced Android Defrag PRO works effortlessly, continually and constantly keeping your Android Mobile & Table lag and fragment-free.

★ New Intelligent Android Performance Enhancing Technology!

Android Defrag PRO uses new Android Performance Enhancing technology which allows you to defrag files effortlessly directly from your Android Mobile & tablet for the first time.

★ Android Defrag PRO Version

Over 2 times faster Defrag Speed & battery optimization.

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Andriod Defrag PRO provides extremely intelligent, fast, efficient One Touch defragmentation to your Android Mobile & tablet for Faster File Loading, Higher Disk Performance and Faster Start up times, it also removes harmful unwanted files.

Fragmented files are the cause of 80% of your Android Mobile & Tablets performance degradation, slowing down and draining your battery. At the touch of a button Android Defrag PRO for only 0.99c will meticulously keep your Android Mobile and Tablet running at its Top Performance Speed.

Download Android Defrag PRO from the Play Store today and own the most powerful and intelligently designed award-winning Android Mobile Defrag software today!

Here are the screenshots from the Play Store. Holy crap, we could all be fragmented and need this app ASAP. Right?

Wrong. Android uses flash memory, and flash memory does not benefit from defragmentation because fragmentation does not slow it down in the first place. In fact just the opposite - defragmentation only makes things worse by decreasing flash memory's lifetime. Don't take my word for it - Google it.

This app (still currently visible on Appbrain - image mirror) and any other defrag app you'll ever see for Android are going to be some sorts of scam in one way or another. In this case, Android Defrag asked for permissions to read browser history and bookmarks as well as network communication. Who knows what it was going to do with this information and where this farmed data would end up? I don't, and neither will you because I reported this app to Google, and Reto Meier himself quickly confirmed that:

it looked suspicious

as suspected, defragmentation was indeed pointless on Android devices

even if it weren't pointless, it would not be possible for an app to do so anyway

Minutes later, it was removed.

Oh, and those 5-star ratings - oh so fake:

You picked the wrong promotional technique, Enlightened Software House. And in doing so, you helped create this PSA, which will hopefully serve as a warning to those looking for information on Android defragmentation apps in the future. And for that I thank you.

Props to Google and Reto Meier for their swift actions.