Hardcore Crew Supports Scene by Standing in Parking Lot Until Friends Play

DENVER — Members of the Denver hardcore crew Punch ‘Til Dead supported their local music scene again last night by standing outside in the parking lot of a venue until their friends’ band took the stage, according to witnesses.

“I’m glad these other bands are playing, but I am not wasting my energy nodding my head with my arms crossed for any of them,” said local show-goer and crew leader “Bloody” Tony Murdock. “We’re all going to hang outside until the homies in Execute finish their soundcheck — we need to be at full strength if we want to mosh this place to rubble.”

Management at Rowdy’s, the struggling all ages venue, believe their financial and legal troubles — thousands of dollars in losses, along with numerous complaints from neighbors — are directly related to these parking lot hangouts during shows.

“If you walk in during some sets, you’d think we’re rolling in money, because the place looks like it’s packed when people come inside. Nearly everyone is on the guestlist or sneaks in the bathroom window, though,” said doorman Josh Randall. “Tonight’s show earned us $7.43, a stamp card for a sandwich, and a half-smoked cigarette.”

“The church next door keeps complaining about our patrons peeing on their doors,” added Rowdy’s owner Marissa Planko. “But we have several stalls in here that are never used, so I don’t understand why that’s happening. And someone stuck a ‘Jesus Piece’ sticker on their elderly outreach van, but it fucked up the paint job, and now they’re demanding I reimburse them.”

Despite months of urging to come inside to discover new bands — and help ensure the venue follows local laws and regulations — the crew members remain firmly planted in the parking lot for most of each show, claiming it’s just part of their ethos.

“I used to be straight edge. I broke when I turned 21, but I still don’t support bar culture,” Murdock said, shotgunning a Four Loko in the parking lot. “And we need to keep an eye out for the pussy-ass motherfucker Mile High Beatdown Boys, because if they roll up, there will be trouble.”

At press time, Murdock was seen spin-kicking a middle-aged regular sitting alone at the bar, yelling, “This is a hardcore show! If you don’t want to get hit, you shouldn’t have been all the way in that back corner!”