Yeah, I know. You don't have to say it- they're crazy. But they're my crazy.

But this isn't a blog post about my shoes, this is a post about what I realized as I continued to wear my shoes as they became more and more torn up.

As time went on, I began noticing that I felt uncomfortable putting them on when I was getting dressed up to go somewhere public, particularly when it was a busy place like a mall or gathering with friends.

After some time, it hit me- I was worried about what others would think of me.

Wow. They must not have any money.

Really...are you poor?

Dirty.

Trashy.

How sad.

These are all the things that I realized ran through my head as a part of wearing my shoes out in public places (not always, but most of the time).

Most of us would absolutely hate to admit it (it’s not easy for me to write about it), but we don't like being thought of as these things. And that's perfectly OK, the majority of us were brought up to think these things were bad and to do whatever we had to either avoid them or change our situation so that we weren't them. It’s not our fault we turned out thinking that way.

For most of us, this is a part of our negative self-talk. A very critical part.

One of the difficult parts about dealing with it is it's so subtle. My old pair was beaten up, and I felt the same way at times, but it never hit me. I never noticed it (but I always felt it- waking up can take time).

The meditation

After gaining some clarity about the situation over the past year, noticing more and more how I felt when I put the shoes on to go out, I decided to make it into a little exercise, or meditation if you will.

I decided to continue wearing my shoes- as confidently and proudly as ever- and to simply become mindful of the various thoughts and feelings that would arise in me.

This was different from other mindfulness practices, though, because I wasn't just observing. There was a special effect which happened as a result of becoming aware of these thoughts and feelings in this way: I began sanding away at my ego.

I began to notice that each time I'd wear my shoes out to a busy location, thoughts and feelings would fly at me from time to time (at this point my mindfulness practice had magnified my ability to notice them, so they felt quite strong).

And each time I'd recognize them with my mindfulness, I'd feel that uncomfortable feeling of having to face up to a part of my negative self-talk and a certain wrong perception.

As time went on, and I continued to practice in this way, I felt as though my ego was shedding away, at least to some small degree.

I was almost always uncomfortable, and I rarely liked the thoughts and feelings that arose, but over time it did become easier to handle. And after a few months, I began to feel quite liberated.

I felt proud of my shoes and happy with myself in my own skin (more so than ever). Thoughts still came up from time to time, and I still felt the sting occasionally, but the change was quite noticeable.

And you know what else I realized? Excuse the language, but...

Nobody gave a crap.

- No one ever cared about my shoes. - No one ever thought anything about them. - No one ever even noticed them.

They were all too busy worrying about themselves.

We're all too busy worrying about ourselves.

Every day that we step out and live our lives in a way that we care about what others think of us, it's just an exercise of the ego flexing its muscle over us.

These people I passed by in malls, stores, and gatherings didn't think those thoughts about me- I thought those thoughts about me. It was all ego.

But if we can have courage and put ourselves in uncomfortable situations, challenging the ego in little ways (even if it's just a tiny step forward), then we can begin to realize a great sense of liberation.

So get out there and get uncomfortable, in a way that really challenges your ego:

Get uncomfortable Have courage Be mindful, be compassionate Stay strong- freedom will come with time.

Remember, all it takes is little steps forward. Get creative.

So, how do you plan to get uncomfortable?