Please, don’t shut me out. Let me fix this. 21:29:10

I...I appreciate the apology coded into that. Yang, try not to get your hopes up, but I do love you too. I’m just not sure if love has been good for either of us. I’ve always been broken goods, and I don’t think either of us are dumb enough to believe you’re free of some troubling complications. 21:30:08

I know I’m not perfect, jesus, I’m about the furthest thing from perfect there is. You have no idea how awful I feel right now, how much I hurt you… But when you say you love me...Do you mean that? Seriously? Because these aren’t just words I’m throwing around because I feel guilty. I love you. I always have. 21:31:35

And I sure as hell don’t care that you’re not perfect. It doesn’t make me love you any less. And if that is how you feel, if we do love each other, then what the hell have we been doing, Blake? Why are we torturing ourselves? What’s stopping us from just being together? 21:31:59

Yang you need to start seeing the forest and stop seeing the trees. Feelings haven’t been the problem for a long time Yang. That’s the fundamental thing you don’t seem to get. 21:32:32

The reason I’ve kept my distance has nothing to do with how I feel about you, and everything to do with what we do to each other. What will almost certainly do again. 21:33:01

What is it exactly that you're afraid of us doing to each other? Because I'm really struggling to come up with what we did together that was so horrible. 21:33:46

How have we handled the last couple of months? How are you going to handle my fears, insecurities, handle being locked away with me someplace you’ll probably hate. How will I handle your drinking, handling knowing at any point you might just leave? How do I look your family in the eye when I know I don’t belong there? 21:34:55

I’ve been in two relationships in my life, one with an abuser, the other with a girl that enabled my abuser to come back into my life. I know I can’t handle living in perpetual fear of you leaving. I’ve known that for years. Yang you take the short view on things, it's part of your charm, but I always take the long view. 21:35:27

And it’s always awful. 21:35:31

There's… a lot here. Give me a sec okay? I want to get this right. I've never been as good with words as you. 21:35:46

First of all, I owe you an apology. What I said, about you and my family, it was stupid. No, it was beyond stupid. It was petty and mean and cruel, and above everything else, it wasn't true. I was jealous, Blake. I was insanely, stupidly jealous. I felt used, like you'd only ever bothered to humor me because you liked my family. I mean, after so long desperately hoping you'd ask me to move in with you, only for you to move in with Ruby the minute I left… can't you see how that would make me feel? Then it started feeling like you were replacing me with dad and Ruby, taking my place and I just… I lost it. But it wasn't fair to lash out at you like that. I can't tell you how sorry I am that I said that. If I had known how it would make you feel...no, I should have known, that’s not an excuse. I wanted to hurt you, and I did. That’s unacceptable. If...if you can ever forgive me for it, I can promise you it will never happen again. 21:39:47

As for the rest, it seems like all those things you mentioned we did to each other, none of those happened before I left. Hell, half of them are hypothetical. I can understand why you'd be scared, Blake. I know I screwed up, believe me, I will never forget the way I feel right now. I don’t think I could ever feel this badly again. But I'm not Ilia, and I'm sure as hell not him. 21:41:57

I'm also not my mother. I don't know what you took away from my story about meeting her, but just because I don't hate Raven doesn't make the fact that she left hurt any less. I know what it did to my dad, I could never do that to somebody else. I only went on this whole stupid trip because I thought you didn't care, that you didn't want me. If I had thought for a second that you wanted me to stay, Blake, I never would have imagined leaving. 21:44:46

Okay, I think that's everything. 21:44:50

That’s a lot to unpack, I need to address things individually. First and foremost, I am not a replacement for you to your family. I love Tai, but I can see it in his eyes, if he could get you home every christmas and thanksgiving and all he had to do was never see me again...It’s not even a question. You’re his little girl. You’re his everything. I could never fill in for that. 21:46:40

For Ruby, it’s easier because I know where she’s at, she doesn’t want to impress me or even take that big a role in my life. She just is there, she has goals and all of them are local. She’s just easy to be around. You know how she is. I can keep her at comfortable distance and I know when rents due she’ll pay. I need to be honest, the thought has passed my head that my life would be easier if I loved Ruby instead, but I’m not there with her, if I ever could be. She’s just my roommate. 21:49:58

If Summer’s the angel in my heart Raven will always be the devil. They represent to me antithesis of each other. Summer can’t ignore things not even things that aren’t hers to manage. She will always be my hero. Did I ever tell you the story of what she did when she found out Ilia brought Adam to my apartment? I’ll need to tell you that one day. 21:53:29

But Raven, she walked away and to just...Yang I should apologize. You forgiving Raven is probably for the best. I’m just scared you’ll feel vindicated in abandoning me and what's scariest is the possibility that you should. This hurts worst in relationship to Summer. In my head you only ever had one mom and she was the best there ever was. I didn’t want to see them put on the same pedestal and I’m not going to pretend that’s anything but me being petty. 21:55:14