by Radek Bonk's Mullet

Lightly used

Working draft of his captain's 'C' acceptance speech, with the date crossed out twice.A giant tub of protein powder, still factory sealed.His bottle of "Jean Gabriel's Secret Stuff."His career.A few shards of fibre glass, some nuts and bolts, and an oil can.1001 hipster jokes; many of them are underlined with "METHOT" written in the margin.A hefty stack of business cards from desperate local dentists.His copy of "Hitting the Net for Dummies."A pad of pre-signed doctor's notes.His copy of a special impending-UFA edition of Jenny Craig magazine.A signed photo from Martin St. Louis in a heart-shaped frame; glass shattered.As he does after every game, his cellphone His golden helmet, golden skates, and golden jock strap. Ladies...Any hint of a Swedish accent.His extremely worn out copy of "How to invent your very own accent."Angry note from a delirious Lars Eller who heard "Player number 61" was the reason for his concussion.His jockstrap, which he didn't bother to put back on after the Penguins tore it off.Evgeni Malkin.This discarded list:A stack of parking tickets, traffic violations, court hearing dates, jury summons, and restraining orders, all sent from the Montreal Police.A dusty, old, leather-bound book with "lalala" on the cover; it burns the hand of all those who try to open it.A request to have his own locker.A bag of nuts for his pet squirrel.A stack of love letters signed "Kyla Turrisa."A note he forgot to give to Craig Anderson, which simply read, "Soon ;)"The puck from game 4, labeled "Thanks for reading, and thanks for a fun playoff run. We'll continue to have a ton of content over the summer. Just a reminder that every donation of $11.11 gets you a ballot in a draw to win anautographed Alfredsson card. Make your pledge here.