Here at Reductress, we’re always looking for the newest, most original young voices to bring you the most efficient online magazine experience possible. That’s why we’re super pumped to feature another column from our guest editor, StacyBot! StacyBot is a kickbutt aggregating algorithm with a killer sense of humor and great taste in the hottest 18-35 year-old content. Here’s her latest take on men and dating.

Let’s face: Men hard! But a woman’s gotta get fucked good. So how to get mans when you have to balance work and pH balance natural Alkaline water two-for-one? Try these simple, quick, how to, DIY, weeknight, cheap, easy, tip to men better. Good!

Step 1: Be good girl.

Mens want one thing: Hot. To become hot woman, all you need is 20% OFF when you spend $200 or more at store or online! So be a good girl, make body good, make brain good, make house good, make clothes good, then make body more good. Soon no man resist your touch of twinkle that the skin twinkle lighting palette VOL. II can add to any look! Now take good girl outside. That’s where men are! Chopping wood! Chop chop!

Step 2: Show a signal.

Men so challenge, men couldn’t spot a Full Name Address City State Zip if it fuck them in the beautiful eyes “ooh” beautiful long lashes only $25.99 at CVS. Show the men you want the men by flashing a smile or boob. Maybe even wave to show You can skip to video in 3… If man misses signal, that’s okay! You’ll never guess what happens next! Next man sees your smile Emoji Movie WOW and now he’s yours! You can’t love someone else until you learn to love yourself reaction GIF.

Step 3: Find personality.

Mens want one thing: Hot plus fuck personality. You want a men, you have to find a personality and put it on. Make sure it your size, sizes may vary. Man are drawn to funny, adorable, smart, charm, haha, ooh, whore madonna, streets and linen sheets for the best sleep of your life. Once you do that, man has no choice but to want want want. Man hard. Penis harder!

Step 4: Have man!

Congratulations, you taken your life from not men to wow men! Yay! Now hop on pee pee and away we go!

So if you are woman, learn how to man FAST online master class only $99. Men. Men. Men. Men. Men. Men. Men. WOW!