Texas A&M has had a rough start to their 2019 football season, with losses to each of the ranked opponents they have played. But even when A&M has won football games, they have not been rewarded the polls.

In the two major polls - the AP Top 25 and the Amway Coaches Poll - the Aggies started the season at 12th and 11th, respectively. But each week, regardless of whether they won or lost, A&M either stayed at the same spot or fell in the polls. In two different instances in the AP Poll, the Aggies’ rank dropped despite winning that weekend’s game.

But that all changed yesterday.

Texas A&M rank by week

By playing nobody and watching teams around them lose, A&M rose one spot in the AP Poll for the first time in the 2019 season. Based on this paradigm-shifting data, Texas A&M has made a major announcement.

“After week of analyzing the data, and consulting with leading experts in a field, Texas A&M University has made the decision to forego the remaining games on our 2019 football schedule. This decision was made in order to maximize Texas A&M’s chances of moving up in future football polls and has nothing to do with us playing top-ranked Alabama this Saturday ,” read a prepared, unattributed statement that sounded eerily like John Sharp. “We acknowledge this may upset many of our fans, who look forward to gamedays in College Station, but in the end, the success of our football program is our highest priority, and there is no better measure of success than a survey of distracted coaches and ill-informed media members who probably don’t watch two-thirds of the teams they’ve voting on. “In addition, this will allow our coaching staff to more heavily focus on recruiting efforts as we look to bring the highest caliber of athletes into our 2020 class. We look forward to finishing the 2019 season with only two losses and vying for a spot in a New Year’s Six bowl.”

According to his contract language, head coach Jimbo Fisher will still be paid.