With Mother’s Day fast approaching, we’re all looking for ways to make the day extra special for her. She brought you into this world, fed you, clothed you. But then again, who’s to say that someone else wouldn’t have if she didn’t, so who really gives a fuck? You’re so full of anxiety and existential dread at this stage that you can barely feel feelings. Still, she’ll get all stroppy if you say it to her so these tactics might help you let her down gently.

1. Spend the Entire visit Blaming her Generation for the Election Results

It was her generation that wanted the 8th amendment. It’s her generation that are just cushy enough to not care that you’re on €100 a week dole and have to get your smoke on tick. It’s her generation that voted in Labour and it’s now 100% her responsibility. Let it fly.

2. Spend the Money on Smoke

Tell her you’re sorry that you didn’t bring a present, and be sure to mention that the recession hit your demographic the hardest. Paraphrase Blindboy Boatclub if you need to. Pull out your bag of smoke and skin up. If you talk about how bad the price of weed has gotten and how it should be legal and it isn’t even addictive, you’ll do two things. She’ll not only know how you’ve prioritised your cash, but also how it was a choice.

3. Suggest Lunch, But Show up Fucked

You’re going out Saturday anyway, and your planning on not doing buzzers but that plan often changes after a few pints. Instead of going home early; do all the things. When you show up with pupils bigger than the dinner plates, she’ll be happy to hear that you’re still alive next year, never mind buying her shite.