I grew up in a large suburban church that planted a church in the inner city neighborhood of Marshall-Shadeland in Pittsburgh’s North Side.

I can remember visiting there as a kid to go help with community service projects and outreach camps. I can remember serving as a leader in that same suburban church and taking our youth group kids down to serve at the church plant and having their youth group come out to join us for a few activities.

These activities were at best awkward and at times down right embarrassing. I know that both sides meant well… we were all from the same denomination, “sister churches” if you will. We should know how to get along. But nobody was ready for these visits.

I’ve now spent the last 8 years working with students at that inner city church. At times our kids have been invited to events or retreats or camps by well-intending suburban and rural churches and I have been blessed to work with other youth leaders who are intentional about integrating two groups. Here’s what I’ve learned about it and I hope it helps other churches who may look to form those partnerships.

#4. Every Kid Needs To Be Prepared

The first time I took a group of minority students to a weekend retreat with a few other churches, I did a terrible job of preparing them for what to expect. At the same time, the other churches weren’t ready either and both groups spent a lot of time in opposite corners just looking at each other. Take time to explain to your kids before you go visit or have visitors what they are going to be doing and what your expectations are for them.

#3. Your Students Will Mirror Your Actions

When the adult leaders make a point to talk to leaders and students from the other church instead of just each other, students are more likely to follow. I’ve driven the van home after we’ve attended events and listened to my kids comment that not even the leaders said hello to them. Set the example for your kids!

#2. Be Who You Are

Our kids were at a lock-in recently and were welcomed by one of their students walking up to one of my students, throwing a fake gang sign, and asking “What’s up homie”. The poor kid was just trying to be welcoming but it was pretty clear that he was trying to be something he wasn’t. Encourage your kids to be themselves all the time, but certainly when someone who may not look like them is around.

#1. Understand That Both Churches Have A Lot To Learn From Each Other

There is a tendency to look at our kids who come from a disadvantaged neighborhood or rough background and assume that your church is doing some sort of benevolent good deed by inviting our kids to a lock-in. Yes, your church and your students have a ton to offer. So do ours.

What we lack in resources, we make up for in faith. A lot of our kids walk with a faith that I don’t think I could have grasped at their age. They have a firm trust that God will provide and show up because that is literally all they have. It’s a deeply rooted faith because they have seen Him prove Himself again and again in a way I couldn’t have imagined when I was growing up. They’ve learned to rely on the only one who won’t ever leave, disappoint, fail or hurt them. It’s inspiring for me to see as an adult but certainly for other students to learn from too.

By encouraging relationships between students from different types of churches, we help our society move forward in growing past racial issues.

Yes, it can be hard and awkward.

Yes, the first time or two your kids may not get it.

But building relationships with people who didn’t grow up like you or who don’t look like you is an outstanding experience for all involved.

Yes, it’s worth it.

What are your thoughts? Leave a comment below…