Photo : Saul Loeb ( Getty Images )

So Trump didn’t come before the House committees during the impeachment inquiries and most likely won’t appear in front of the Senate to answer questions regarding his phone call with the Ukrainian president, which absolutely included Trump withholding aid in exchange for an investigation into dirt on political rival Joe Biden and his son Hunter, but on Tuesday, Trump sent a sternly worded email letter to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, which is about an eight on the “Let me speak to your manager” scale.




In the letter, Trump recycles some of his greatest hits including:



This Impeachment is a partisan crusade



You’re declaring war on American Democracy

You said you’d pray for me, but you lied

But Joe Biden did if first!

If you act now, you will also get bonus tracks including:



Good Phone Call



Feel No Pressure

I Want Nothing

Hillary Clinton (remix)

Adam Schiff is a Liar

There is really nothing new to see here except that the president of the United States is coming off whiny and passive-aggressive in a letter to Pelosi, who I’m sure is on the phone with House Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff right now guffawing at the desperation oozing from his missive.




The interesting part of the letter is that the president still believes, on the eve of his final year of his first (and hopefully last) term in office, that the impeachment proceedings are happening because he beat Hillary Clinton in 2016.



“Everyone, you included, knows what is really happening,” Trump said, Fox News reports. “Your chosen candidate lost the election in 2016, in an Electoral College landslide (306-227), and you and your party have never recovered from this defeat. So you have spent three straight years attempting to overturn the will of the American people and nullify their votes. You view democracy as your enemy!”



He went on: “You are the ones interfering in America’s elections. You are the ones subverting America’s Democracy. You are the ones Obstructing Justice. You are the ones bringing pain and suffering to our Republic for your own selfish personal, political, and partisan gain.”

Trump also claimed that moving forward with the impeachment Pelosi is going to have to “live with” what she’s done. Will someone tell this orange bitch that Pelosi is fine with everything she’s done, including her legendary dolphin clap during his State of the Union speech. As it stands, Pelosi has never locked migrant children in cages after separating them from their loved ones. Pelosi hasn’t called black football players who kneeled to protest over-policing of black and brown communities “sons of bitches.” It wasn’t Pelosi who cheated on her spouse with several porn stars and then allegedly went to Water World in Russian prostitute urine. Was the letter strongly worded? Yes. But a strongly worded letter is like the white man’s glow in the dark lightsaber; it looks cool but in the end, it doesn’t do shit.


If you are bored at work and want a good laugh, you can read the full PDF here.