THE BOOK OF DRAMA MYSTERIES





On a top shelf of my home library I have a book which goes by the intriguing title of "The Book of Ancient Mysteries". The heavy volume tries to solve the riddles of the past, but gives no believable explanation as to why after every laundry one sock goes always missing and where it went, or why your shopping line at the supermarket is always the slowest of all.





And since the book presumes to deal with serious matters, it certainly doesn't answer any of the most profound and puzzling mysteries of the Asian drama world. Some of those have been haunting me since the beginning of my addiction, and I haven't found a satisfactory explanation yet.





It goes without saying that if any of you is or has been in possession of scientific elucidations to any of the following phenomenons, you're more than welcome to share them and put me out of ignorance, finally.









1. The Mystery of the Bed-Sarcophagus

Why do Koreans go to sleep all dressed up? Do they sleep-date, or have job interviews in pajamas?





Please note her outfit. In this scene, she is not just casually lying on the bed with the intention of standing up later on and go to the office. NO! She’s actually ready for sleep. With a suit jacket, no less. We can’t see it, but I’m ready to swear under the blanket she’s wearing a skirt and stockings. [That Winter The Wind Blows]









Like the ancient Egyptians would bury the deceased with jewelry, clothes, food, toys, boats, chariots and horses, Koreans seem to believe all the events of their life will happen in bed. There are, alas, no sexual implications in this . It looks like a mere matter of fashion, something like: "the more uncomfortable, the better".

(For further details on the fashion sense, also see Mystery nr. 7)





“I’ve always wanted to try the thrill of sleeping with a shrubbery on my head” [Love Rain]









And who can ever forget this disquieting image? Now and then, it still haunts my nightmares:





Despite appearances, the person you see is not Tutankhamon, but otherwise cool (and living) Kim Jae Wok. [Mary Stayed Out All Night]









2. The Mystery of the Stuffed Person

Is it truly possible to thrust so much food all at once into an average mouth?

Some ethnologists affirm this is a very old ritual derived from training for the venerable sport of Sumo, later transported into the daily aspects of Asian life. This theory seems however contradicted by the number of stick insects populating Asian dramas.





You never know when Korea should stop producing noodles [City Hall]





Note: crying while stuffing your mouth is a common variant of the same ritual [ Chuno



Sweetie, please stop when you’ve reached the clay [real life]









This mystery doesn't need any further comment: not only photos speak louder, but given what's in these people's mouth, nobody can expect them to talk.









3. The Mystery of the Changing Amount

Ever noticed how the amount of money discussed in an episode of a drama constantly fluctuate from one sum to the next? One minute they are talking about 1 billion won/yen/NT, the next the same billion turned into a million, if not 100 thousand. The question is, why do translators, who are usually so precise when it comes to tiny details of discourse, invariably fail at understanding figures?





I could mention:





Wait, it’s the same ring they are talking about! By the way, have you ever heard of a 5 million dollars ring? Are they selling Queen Elisabeth's dowry? [Kurosagi]









“Fine, I’m going to sign that blasted contract, but only if you prove you can write the sum with the right amount of zeros.” [Nagareboshi]









“I was so sure I asked for a pay raise, why did I get less money?” [Down With Love]









and many others. Whenever money is mentioned, I’m invariably doing the maths and realize 2+2 is never 4.









4. The Mystery of the Car Chase.

Rummaging through some ancient artefacts I've come into possession of this rare video of how a car chase should be done.













Asians seems to have derived all their information about the issue from above visual material. Why else would they always run after buses and cars?





The Orange Society broke apart because all the members missed the bus. [Orange Days]





Shancai, you clearly haven’t watched enough dramas. If you had, you’d have worn a training suit. [Meteor Garden 2]





Best example of bus chase mixed with impossible sound propagation (also see point 5)

[Tatta Hitotsu No Koi]









In fact, this Mystery has a second version too, one which involves the complete lack of any kind of public transport in the whole of Asia. People seem to possess the ability to cross a huge city like Tokyo or Seoul on foot! No, I atone, it's not on foot, it's on run.

For ultimate proof of this ancient drama habit see Gokusen 1,2,3, specials and movie. Legendary Class 3-D is in fact made of long distance running champions.









Yes, I know the gif has nothing or little to do with what I’m talking about, but I so wanted to insert these two and one of my favourite scenes from Gokusen 2.

Indulge me. ;)





5. The Mystery of Sound Waves Propagation

In air, sound travels by the compression and rarefaction of air molecules in the direction of travel. However in Korea, Japan and Taiwan people have a conversation while standing half a mile apart. And, mind you, they never shout - they whisper. They do shout occasionally, but only when they are near enough to grab each other’s wrist.





For the record, these two are husband and wife. In this scene they are discussing dinner and other amenities in the quietest of voices. How cozy. [Osozaki no Himawari]





The other side of the coin is represented by people managing to overhear conversations while standing in plain view, without anyone noticing them (or hearing their footsteps approaching, for that matter).









Peripheral view vs. sound propagation. You can’t have both simultaneously. [Scent of a Woman]





6. The Mystery of the Unaware Love

In dramas, nobody is ever aware of being in love. They suffer from all the most typical symptoms like racing heart, sudden aphasia, hormonal turmoil, sweating palms, but always misunderstand. "What can this be??? Someone tell me!!"





“What woman in her right mind could ever fall for a hunk like Lee Dong Wook?” Yeah, I wonder too... :P My Girl]





Chances are, they think they have a brain tumour and only after having consulted doctors, shrinks, mediums and witches they realize they have been in love all along.

With the notable exception of stalking school girls and crazy ex lovers. These are always so certain of their feelings, no amount of "I don't care a dry fig for you, disappear from my view, I’d rather date a Yak" will ever dampen them.





This is probably why we are invariably oppressed with wide-eyed, stony-lips kisses.





Why? Nande? Weh? And why am I paralyzed? What's going on? When they told me about the bees and the flowers, they never mentioned THIS." [Playful Kiss]









7. The Mystery of the Crazy Stylist

Besides being the most intriguing of all the mentioned mysteries, this is also the most common of all. The question however remains open: who in their right minds could possibly design such hideous clothes? For what, disquieting purpose?





And why do crazy stylists always work in pair with crazy hairdressers?









[from top left to bottom right: urgh, awk, harumph, gnash, moan, cough. The banging sound you just heard was my head dropping on the desk]





So, here the book ends.

Not for any want of new mysteries, mind you: lots of socks are still missing, after all.





“The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes.” [Sir Arthur Conan Doyle]