GAME 8 DRUNKEN RANT

Cincinnati Bengals (3-4) @ Jacksonville Jaguars (4-3)

CAUTION: DRUNKEN EXPLETIVE-FILLED RANT ABOUT THE BENGALS FOLLOWS.

/start rant

It’s 12:17pm on Tuesday and the Jacksonville Jaguars just converted another third down.

I found myself getting tired of watching this football team, yesterday. Physically and mentally tired. Football is supposed to be a welcome distraction from the sh*t we put up with all week, but watching this team is a f*cking task. We are eight agonizing weeks into the 2017 NFL season and there is one thing I know for sure:

This team f*ckingggg sucks.

If you had any amount of hope for the 2017 Bengals campaign, it has to be gone now. That game looked like a Bengals game from the 90’s. It wasn’t competitive. It wasn’t gritty. It wasn’t even interesting.

The only thing worth remembering from that game was AJ ‘Sleeper Hold’ Green losing his sh*t. He’s that calm, cool, collected guy that gets pushed one too many times and snaps into a fit of rage – murdering everyone in a 3 block radius.

AJ Green went full UFC on Jalen Ramsey ? pic.twitter.com/xflmcxB14I — Cincinnati Problems (@CincyProblems) November 5, 2017

But I didn’t even care about that either. Jalen Ramsey sounds like an asshole, AJ is undoubtedly frustrated with this sh*t heap team and got tired of hearing Ramsey chirp. Sure, maybe their chances in the second half would’ve been better with our best player – but this team wasn’t going to win that game with AJ Green anyway.

So swing away dude.

Alright, you wanna have some fun?

Let’s spin the WHEEL OF BLAME and point some f*ckin’ fingers, shall we…

The Defense

At one point during that ‘contest’ – the Jaguars were 9 of 10 on third down conversions. Ninety f*cking American percent. The defense couldn’t get off the field and the Jags just kept drives alive. It was maddening and all you have to do is look at the stats.

The Jaguars controlled the ball for over 40 minutes.

For those of you doing the math at home, there are only 60 minutes in an NFL football game. They gave up 408 yards of offense.

No sacks. No picks. No chance in hell of winning.

The Offense

They managed to roll up a whopping 8 first downs (Jacksonville had 26) and 148 yards of total offense. Andy was unremarkable, going 10/18 for 136 yards.

The offensive line still can’t run block and overall it was flat out f*cking pathetic. They ran for 29 yards on 17 attempts against the league’s worst run defense.

Twenty. Nine.

They ran 37 plays compared to Jacksonville’s 78 and YET F*CKING AGAIN they ended the game with the ball and took two knees to run out the clock! Jesus H. tap-dancing Christ have some pride!

Watching these guys lose is bad enough, but watching them quit is unf*ckingacceptable.

The Coaching

F*ck seriously!? How do you end the game with two knees you f*cking cowards?! What message does this send to your team? What message does this send to the fan base?

If you’ve given up on this team, why should we care?

Assholes. Marvin has clearly lost this team.

They’re not good and they don’t seem to care. Even Pacman Jones talked about the lack of passion that some guys are playing with:

“I know we ain’t gonna win every game, but at a certain point it’s a reality check with the guys in the locker room, and do you really want to win?” -Pacman Jones

Dre Kirkpatrick added:

“It’s just frustrating when you go out there and play your heart out. Adam getting on a lot of things. You can only play with you, what your job is, it’s a team sport. You have to play along. I feel where his frustration coming from. You just have to pull it together, man.” – Dre Kirkpatrick

The Bengals lost.

The locker room is lost.

The season is lost.

Don't apologize to Mike Brown. He's the one that owes Bengals fans an apology. https://t.co/2N1bEYApoL — Cincinnati Problems (@CincyProblems) November 5, 2017

Fix your sh*t, Mikey. Or Bengals fans are going to walk.

*chugs another 40*

wtf ?? A post shared by Cincinnati Problems (@cincyproblems) on Nov 6, 2017 at 4:22pm PST

/end rant

Look for more Drunken Bengals Postgame Rants All Season From THE JUNGLER

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