One of Tiger Woods' best friends in the world is a PGA Tour rookie with a super Fu Manchu, a brown hair salad, and the build of a baby grand -- 220-pound Andres Gonzales.

The only problem is, Woods doesn't know it.

"@TigerWoods as you probably know, my birthday was this week. I believe you owe me a night around a camp fire with songs and smores. Ttfn [ta ta for now]," Gonzales tweeted on May 19, even though Woods wouldn't know Gonzales from your podiatrist.

"Been awake since 3 a.m.," Gonzales tweeted on May 14. "@TigerWoods you awake yet? Let's chat." They didn't.

Then there was "Anybody have a pill that will give me six pack ABS while sitting my hotel room doing nothing @TigerWoods how you look like that?"

No reply.

Gonzales calls himself "Half Man, Half Amazing," but he doesn't have six-pack abs. It's doubtful he's seen his abs in years. But he does have something Woods doesn't: a tee-time Thursday in this especially open Open at Congressional Country Club in Bethesda, Md.

When Gonzales qualified, he immediately tweeted, "@TigerWoods qualified for the open today. Hate to say I don't need a roommate because my family is coming. But I would be up for a p. round."

Then Woods withdrew with left knee and Achilles problems, meaning he'll miss the Open for the first time in 17 years, not to mention a chance to room with his cyber stalker.

PGA Tour rookie Andres Gonzales is often mistaken for Danny McBride who plays Kenny Powers on the HBO television series "Eastbound and Down." Getty Images/HBO/Fred Norris

If "@TigerWoods" and "@Andres_Gonzales" ever do show up at the same tournament (Hey, Tiger, how about inviting The Gonzo to your AT&T National tournament on June 30?), Woods won't be able to miss him. Gonzales is a 28-year-old from Olympia, Wash., who looks like a tattoo parlor security guard. His Fu is annexing his face, his Fabio-length hair flows behind him like Dave Grohl's and his barrel chest is enough for triplets. Mirrored sunglasses hide green eyes and his belt buckle is engraved with his own face. He looks less like a PGA Tour player than he does Genghis Khan.

"Wrong," says Gonzales. "Mostly I get Kenny Powers. Everybody thinks I look like Kenny Powers. Some guy the other day, every time I hit a shot or a putt, was hollering, 'Kenny Powers Baby!'"

"Gonzo" is growing that mushroom cloud on his head for a reason, though. His father died of pancreatic cancer in 2007 so he's trying to get it long enough to donate to Locks of Love, which makes hair prosthetics for kids going through chemo.

How would your dad feel to see you on Tour, in the Open, and getting famous?

"He'd roll around in his grave," Gonzales says. "He'd look at my hair and go, 'You look like a clown!'"