Bennie and Buds strives to provide content that is both relevant and interesting to Oklahoma football fans. We also aim to get the big scoops – and, to get them first. After many of you wrote in requesting a breakdown of Big XII school by fuel stop pastry, we asked Nathan Napier to spend the summer investigating. He tirelessly did just that. Follow him at @napier_nathan on Twitter!

Without futher ado, each Big XII program as a gas station donut:



I Compared Discount Gas Station Donuts to Big XII Schools

The Big XII is off to a very mixed start after a wild first couple weeks. A few schools (you know who you are) suffered, quite bluntly, embarrassing losses. Others won big and look just as good as advertised.

But we’re not here to talk about that, oh no. We’re here to talk about donuts.

More specifically, we’re here to talk about two boxes of 7/11 donuts I purchased at a discounted price because they were a day old. Why? You see, I’ve developed an intensive methodology to equate these deceptively stale pastries to their very own Big XII college football programs.

What you’re about to witness is both an art and a science. Buckle up.

Oklahoma Sooners – Chocolate Glazed

Classic. A paragon of prestige. An icon.

The chocolate glazed donut has withstood the test of time. Its appearance, much like the new Jordan line of uniforms that the Sooners are sporting, is clean and classic. When an OU season or chocolate donut is poorly executed, intense waves of depression overtake me.

Oklahoma State – Square Chocolate M&M

Much like the Oklahoma State Cowboys’ uniform combos, this donut knows it wants to make a fashion statement, and it pulls it off for the most part. It can be surprisingly good in the right conditions, but sometimes too much sugar can be a bad thing. Also this donut does not have a mullet. Neither does Mike Gundy anymore.

TCU – Square Chocolate Oreo

This is another comparison to uniforms – but come on, this screams TCU. I mean, photoshop the brown into purple and you basically have their home uniform. There’s no way that this donut could be good, but I was wrong here. It was way above par… just like Patterson’s squad has been as of late.

Texas Tech – Chocolate Glazed Cake Donut with Coconut

This bad boy right here and the Red Raiders have one huge overlap: offense. Ryan Gosling’s stunt double Kliff loves big offensive showdowns, and this donut loves to offend. Not particularly visually appealing, but could be a lot worse off.

Baylor – Maple Glazed

Has both adoring fans and ruthless haters. If you took a bite out of one end it would look like McLane Stadium, which already kind of looks like a toilet seat. This donut was extra stale, much like the Bears as of late.

Kansas – Cinnamon Roll

Pictured: Not a donut.

Kansas does not have a D-I football team.

Kansas State – Maple Long John

Fun fact: the Long John is just an unfilled éclair. Éclair translates from French as ‘flash of lightning’. Lightning is often associated with storms and tornados. There was a tornado is the Wizard of Oz which starts in… that’s right… the state of Kansas.

Long Johns carry an aura of “Old School Cool” about them, just like the purple wizard himself up in Manhattan.

Iowa State – Cinnamon Sugar Cake Donut

This donut is just uninteresting, like the prospect of going to school in Ames, Iowa. According to Wikipedia, Iowa State had two conference championships in 1911 and 1912. So maybe if you’re really old you might like them?

West Virginia – Cherry Filled

Filled pastries are about as old school as you can get, back before even the modern idea of a donut really existed. You know what else is old school? John Denver. I like John Denver. I like the mountains of Morgantown. I like jelly donuts. 2018 could be the year of the jelly donut, and could be the year of the Mountaineers too.

Texas – Some Kind of Messed Up Bear Claw?

Not certain what the picture above is. But it’s an embarrassment to this box of donuts for sure.

All photos courtesy of Bennie and Buds contributor Nathan Napier.

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