1. Chicago Blackhawks

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 21-9-1 +34 54.8% 1

The Blackhawks are the NHL's best team. Though, Brent Seabrook's bobblehead figurine is the league's worst:

Oddly, the bobblehead looks a lot more like Jon Lester than it does Seabrook:

Jon Lester wearing a #Blackhawks jersey at tonight's game. pic.twitter.com/h7muPCDjao — Scott King (@ScottKingMedia) December 15, 2014

2. Tampa Bay Lightning

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 19-9-3 +23 54.2% 2

Nikita Kucherov and Tyler Johnson are the second and third most efficient even-strength point producers in the NHL this season. Stamkos who?

3. St. Louis Blues

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 20-8-2 +19 50.7% 4

Vladimir Tarasenko's emergence as one of the best pure goal scorers and volume shooters in hockey has caused the St. Louis Blues to take over 32 shots per game this season.

St. Louis' newfound offensive potency begs the question: When was the last time someone saw Ken Hitchcock without sunglasses? Because it seems like we may have a hockey version of Weekend at Bernie's on our hands.

4. Pittsburgh Penguins

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 19-6-4 +25 51.3% 3

The Penguins were somehow surprised that Sidney Crosby contracted the mumps, but they were literally the only ones:

Crosby's busted face broke the internet:

sidney crosby now has the most retweeted cheeks since kim kardashian plz rt — Luke Peristy (@LukePeristy) December 14, 2014

5. Anaheim Ducks

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 21-6-5 +12 49.4% 8

The only person who didn't really feel for Sidney's bloated face? Ducks defender Ben Lovejoy:

Karma, yo!

6. New York Islanders

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 20-10-0 +9 52.4% 5

The Islanders are solid, but could really use a top-end left-winger. Perhaps they should give Elizabeth Warren a look.

7. Los Angeles Kings

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 15-10-6 +9 53.2% 6

The Kings appear to have re-found their fastball, and are controlling over 55 percent of shot attempts at 5-on-5 over the past month.

All hail the Corsi juggernauts, long may they reign!

8. Nashville Predators

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 19-8-2 +21 52.7% 7

The Predators' three first-liners all rank in the top-11 among NHL forwards in even-strength scoring rate this season (minimum 400 minutes). So Neal no longer has to feast alone:

james neal refers to milk as cereal water — 18 (@nealeatsalone) May 20, 2014

9. Minnesota Wild

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 16-11-1 +11 53.5% 9

The Wild have the best shot differential on a per-game basis in the entire league, but in the brutal Central Division they are going to need Darcy Kuemper and Niklas Backstrom to mix in the occasional save.

10. San Jose Sharks

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 17-11-4 +8 52.2% 12

Tomas Hertl is determined to be criticized for celebrating excessively in every sport known to man. He's already accomplished it in hockey, and in Aquafit.

11. Detroit Red Wings

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 17-7-7 +13 53.2% 10

Luke Glendening smiling from ear to ear as Phil Kessel tried to get rough with him Wednesday was arguably the highlight of the week:

"I'm a fuken level 90 knight u fuken n00b pvp me" "shut up phil" pic.twitter.com/OoNhnAcr4A — online christmas man (@Whoabot) December 11, 2014

12. Montreal Canadiens

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 19-10-2 +4 50.3% 14

This was Brendan Gallagher's attempt at building a gingerbread zamboni this week:

What in gods name is that Gallagher?! pic.twitter.com/sYX8aDB6gP — Scott Matla (@scottmatla) December 15, 2014

It's pretty impressive that Gallagher has managed to score eight goals already in his age-12 season.

13. Boston Bruins

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 15-13-2 -2 52.6% 13

The Bruins are a lot less fun to watch when David Krejci is out of the lineup, but this is a bit much ...

14. New York Rangers

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 14-10-4 +7 49.1% 17

All coaches have their blind spots. Like, Toronto Maple Leafs bench boss Randy Carlyle doesn't understand concussions, and Rangers coach Alain Vigneault doesn't seem to understand viral infections:

Vigneault on Brassard: "He woke up this morning and got the mumps." #NYR — Pat Leonard (@PLeonardNYDN) December 15, 2014

15. Vancouver Canucks

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 18-10-2 +3 50.6% 11

Currently only one regular starter in hockey (Mike Smith) has a worse even-strength save percentage than Ryan Miller ...

He's called Rye-and-Miller cause Canucks fans need whiskey and beer to get through his games — Gráinne (@wholegrainne) December 14, 2014

16. Winnipeg Jets

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 15-10-6 -1 52.2% 18

The Winnipeg Jets have been playing dominant - no really - hockey for the past month. They're also nailing the obvious smart decisions, like reducing Ondrej Pavelec's workload, and moving Dustin Byfuglien back to defense.

Even Blake Wheeler is surprised by how well things are going for the former Thrashers:

17. Toronto Maple Leafs

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 18-9-3 +18 45.8% 16

We've got a banger line for the Maple Leafs this week ... You ready?

Nazem Kadri, Daniel Winnik, Mike Santorelli.

18. Washington Capitals

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 14-10-5 +6 50.9% 15

*Cue Serial theme song*

Alex Ovechkin attended a Washington Wizards game Sunday night in a fresh, clean John Wall jersey:

20 minutes later, he was photographed in the same jersey but this time, the jersey was marred by an apparent mustard stain:

There's no way to know what happened in those 22 minutes, but come on Ovi! Stay aware of your mustard-to-toppings-to-bun ratio when eating hotdogs at the stadium, my dude!

19. Florida Panthers

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 14-10-5 -10 51.6% 20

Here's a list of the five most efficient even-strength point producers among NHL defenseman this season (minimum 300 even-strength minutes logged):

(Courtesy: HockeyAnalysis.com)

So ... maybe we should hold off on awarding Filip Forsberg the Calder Trophy, huh?

20. Dallas Stars

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 11-13-5 -18 51.6% 21

The Stars allowed three goals against in the time it took you to read this sentence.

a summary of the 2014 dallas stars, in pictures: pic.twitter.com/KG3PAWCtmq — Katie Dzwierzynski (@kdzwierzynski) December 10, 2014

On the bright-side, mistletoe hats!

21. Calgary Flames

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 17-13-2 +10 44.8% 19

This week Flames coach Bob Hartley revealed that he's never seen overwrought late-'90s teen football movie Varsity Blues:

#Flames coach Bob Hartley on upcoming four-game trip: "There’s no sense putting whipped cream on everything. It’s down to business." — Scott Cruickshank (@CruickshankCH) December 8, 2014

22. Ottawa Senators

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 12-12-5 -5 47.9% 23

By criticizing his own team and failing to install a defensive system that functioned at all, now former Senators coach Paul MacLean put his theory - that Eugene Melnyk wouldn't fire anyone with term left on their contract - to the ultimate test.

Either his theory was wrong, or Melnyk just despises Movember:

A lot of people get rid of their moustaches in December, but the Senators took it too far — Ren Bostelaar (@renbostelaar) December 8, 2014

23. Philadelphia Flyers

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 11-13-5 -8 47% 24

Flyers are just fancy junk mail.

24. New Jersey Devils

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 11-15-5 -19 49.9% 22

How bad are the Devils offensively? Well Steve Bernier is their most efficient even-strength point producer this season so ...

25. Carolina Hurricanes

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 8-18-3 -22 52.2% 25

The Hurricanes are the best of the cellar dwellers, but they started the season off so poorly that it's all but impossible for them to Raleigh.

26. Arizona Coyotes

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 10-16-4 -29 48.7% 26

Poised to miss the postseason for a third straight year and beset by continued ownership instability, the Coyotes are the team to watch on the trade market. If the losing continues, you have to think general manager Don Maloney could press the button to detonate this core group.

27. Colorado Avalanche

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 10-13-7 -20 45.1% 28

During a loss to the Predators this week, all Avalanche fans could do was remember the good old days:

In tonight's #Avs game, Forsberg and Bourque scored. I'll just leave it at that. — James Gralian (@Tapeleg) December 10, 2014

28. Columbus Blue Jackets

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 12-15-2 -20 46.2% 27

Trading for prolific minor-league scorer Jeremy Morin was a sharp move by the short-handed Blue Jackets. Unfortunately, he's now 300 times more likely to get injured.

29. Edmonton Oilers

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 7-19-5 -39 50.9% 29

Now that Oilers general manager Craig MacTavish is taking over for recently fired coach Dallas Eakins on an interim basis, our attention turns to who will succeed Eakins behind the Edmonton bench full-time:

Please hire Mark Messier Please hire Mark Messier Please hire Mark Messier Please hire Mark Messier Please hire Mark Messier Please hire Mar — Ian McLaren (@iancmclaren) December 15, 2014

Whoa, be careful folks, if you say his name three times in the mirror he appears in your home and tries to sell you Game Centre Live.

30. Buffalo Sabres

Record Goal Differential Corsi For% Previous Rank 12-16-2 -35 37.1% 30

Zemgus Girgensons is leading the Sabres' illusory renaissance and also he's leading all NHL skaters in All-Star voting. In both cases, the numbers are juked: