As a single straight female comedian in her mid twenties, I do from time to time think about my vagina, and the people who could travel in there. It’s hard to find someone who gets to go in there, because truthfully I don’t meet that many people. You’d think traveling all around New England, not to mention Los Angeles, Chicago, and Nuevo York I would meet plenty of eligible big spoons. However, this is not the case. The majority of the men I meet are—you guessed it—other comedians. And yes, unbeknownst to almost nobody, I have played my fair share of tonsil hockey with a jokester or two (or whole bunch…) I have never, however, made that leap into dating a male comedian. Or, female comedian, for that matter. I don’t know why I keep reiterating that I’m not a lesbian. I like lesbians! But not like that. Oh boy, anyway…

The unsolicited dating advice I’ve gotten from male comedians who met their wives before computers were invented tell me, “Don’t date a comic!” But, I know plenty (and I do mean puh-lenty) of female comics who have dated male comics. And most of them—Well, some of them—Err, a couple of them—Okay, like TWO of them are SO happy with their mates! You can’t tell me it’s always an abomination of an idea for two comedians to date. I know comedian couples who are married! …And divorced. Okay, you know what, let’s just look at the data…

I sent a survey to four women and three men in regards to their experiences in relationships with comics. Some are still in their relationships, some have ended their relationships. But all of them had a LOT to share.

I started off on a good foot and asked, “What Is The Best Thing About Dating Another Comic?” The ladies replied:

“Maybe the only redeeming factor {of dating another comic} would be they know the lifestyle, a lot of nights out and weekends.”

“Not having to sit around every night like ‘what should we do? Uhhh where do you wanna go?’”

“We go to shows and open mics together, so we get to spend time together while working a bit.”

“He already knows the people I’m complaining about.”

When asked, “What’s the best part of dating another comic,” one young man said: “Honest feedback about your set.” When I asked him what he felt the worst part was, he replied, “Honest feedback about your set.” The other guys told me that the best part of dating a comedian was…



“Having a funny girlfriend is always a plus.”

“You get to be with someone who shares your addiction, like how junkies love dating other junkies.”

And the worst part? The guys told me…

“{I liked} being able to talk comedy and bounce ideas off of each other, though sometimes criticisms can be taken poorly.”

“It can be a clash of egos. Not all comics are the same, but many of them share similar personality traits. Two egomaniacs together can be hostile, which can create some pettiness.”

“The feeling of competition.”

Well, I think biologically speaking men have historically been the breadwinners, the hunters. It’s only naturally they’d want to claw their way up to the stage and slaughter some audience members and then bring that laughter back to the cave to fry up and enjoy with some A1 Sauce.

You’re probably ready to find out what the women had to say about the negatives of dating another comic. Knowing how loving and caring women naturally are, it’s safe to assume their answers were kind hearted and not at all soured by experience…

“You’re dating another comic.”

Ooh boy, okay, maybe I spoke too soon. Let’s check in on what the other ladies explained…

“{The worst part about dating another comedian is} when I introduce myself to a more established comic and they just know me as his girlfriend instead of calling me by my name.”



I can relate to this. Like when people call me Bret Michael’s girlfriend. But they accidentally pronounce it “stalker.” Ok, back to the girls…

“One comic I dated was completely obsessed with comedy. I have to say that I got really really sick of stand up. I started to dread doing shows and hated watching or listening to recorded shows.”



“We bicker about work sometimes, about women’s issues in comedy that he may never understand,”



Is everyone completely convinced dating another comic is a bad idea for the reasons listed above? Well hold your horses, cowboys (and cowgirls and cowbodies) because what’s coming up might just change your mind! I asked the women if dating a male comic ever helped their comedy act. Because, really, isn’t that what we’re all in search of? The better, funnier joke. Here’s what the girls said…

“I think it helped my confidence that someone liked me and thought I was funny as a new comic.”



“Having {him} tell me things I say in casual conversation should be in my act. That’s very helpful.”



Awesome! See? See all that positivity? Now I’m sure we’re going to hear from the guys that dating a female comic shed light on their potential and improved their writing styles too! So when asked whether or not dating a female comic helped their act, the guys said…

“Dating me helped hers.”



Oop! Okay, uh… Haha, that actually wasn’t the question. But thanks! …?

With all the discussion surrounding competition that we’ve encountered on this journey through the love ‘n laughs (also the name of my new fast food restaurant. We serve chicken on the funny bone and heart shaped nuggets.) I had to know, is jealousy really a big issue between couples? I mean, I get jealous when the waiter taking my order checks in on another table before bringing me my root beer. So, you know, you can’t go by me. Let’s see what the ladies had to say about jealousy…

“I don’t think we compete for the same things. We are both successful at the things that we pursue separately and for the most part work entirely apart.”

“Not at all. I feel like {my boyfriend} is such a bad example of a person, he’s like, abnormally supernaturally agreeable and nice.”

“I’m not really the jealous type, also he {gets} rewarded for working so hard.”

“Not at all, his style is super different than mine.”

You see that? When you love somebody you really root for him or her no matter what’s on your plate. Ok, now I must be hungry because I’m mentioning food a lot. Did I mention I’m not a lesbian yet? When asked does their girl ever feel jealous of them, the guys said…

“Absolutely.”

“Yes, {she felt jealous of me}. I got my first Saturday at {Comedy Club} and instead of being happy she complained to me and all her friends that it wasn’t fair that I had gotten it first.”

“No, {she didn’t feel jealous of me}. But if she did she wouldn’t have let me know it.”

I don’t know about you guys, but what I’m learning is bitches be jealous! When asked, “Have you ever felt jealous of your girlfriend?” The guys told me…

“No.”



I don’t know about you guys, but what I learned from this is men are totally always secure. Except wait, one guy said…

“Yes, on occasion. I think it’s inevitable when someone is successful in the same field. I also think it’s possible to be happy for someone and a bit jealous of them at the same time, though.”



Well I think that’s fair, and makes sense. I’m really happy for Angelina Jolie. And maybe only a smidge jealous. Like, less than a shtickle but more the smudge.

Now like any tabloid magazine with Jennifer Garner on the cover (Wait… I’m NOT writing this for US Weekly?? Then why did they send me this awesome tote bag full of goodies?? What do you mean this is a CVS bag full of old candy wrappers I brought with me??) the people always want to know the juice, the sauce, the dripping-with-scandal gossip! So I asked, is it hard keeping your private relationship privatized? One woman told me…

“In the words of Sex and the City’s Mr. Big, absofuckinlutely.”



Well, she sounded like she was still kind of on the fence regarding privacy in a small community like comedy. Maybe the other women can pick a side!

“I think if people in a close circuit date it’s hard to keep privacy at all. I know when people at my day job date it becomes the talk of the town and same goes for comedy.”

“I’m not a very private person. I’m not afraid of what people say about me and I don’t see any reason to keep relationships private. If anyone has any notions about what goes on in our relationship that are untrue, then they’re probably not friends with us and will remain that way.”

“We were both invited to appear on a comedy talk show, little did I know the host was mainly interested in asking us about our relationship. By the time it aired, we’d already broken up.”



Wait… Comedy Talk Show? I’m pretty sure no such thing exists, as I’ve never been invited to be a guest on it. Probably something she made up during a fudge brownie induced hallucination. Bitches love chocolate, right?

Here’s what the guys had to say about maintaining privacy. Is it doable?

“Impossible.”



So you’re saying… Maybe.

“In any shared community people seem to enjoy gossip.”



Okay, that’s definitely true. But the only opinions about your relationship that truly matter are yours, and your partners. And of course Perez Hilton’s.

Well, from what I’ve learned, there are definitely some difficult aspects of dating someone in your field. There can be some competitiveness and some jealousy, but as long as you remain happy for your partner, it shouldn’t be an issue. The way I see it, if I dated a comic, I’d want him to be my #1 fan, and I’d want to be his as well. When someone says, “Who’s the best male comic in Boston?” I want to say, “My boyfriend. And not because he snuggles my neck at night!” Okay, I would never say that. Maybe I’d say, “My boyfriend! And not just because he buys me lottery tickets when we stop for gas.” Wait… I’m getting closer. Maybe I’d say, “My boyfriend, because his talent is what attracted me to him in the first place. And his drive and ambition is what makes him so compelling day after day. He’s a hard working funny guy, and deserves all the success in the world!” Let’s check in with my peeps and see if there’s anything else they’d like to add. Ladies? Final sentiments?

“I don’t regret dating a comic and if I met a comic today that I wanted to date I would. I think no matter who a comic dates their relationship is going to be complicated. Comedy is kind of like a mistress in a way that it does take up a significant amount of time and most of that time is when couples would spend together.”

“For someone who is out doing shows most every night, and trying to tour as well, I think it would make sense to date another comic who would be understanding of such lifestyle choices.”

“I don’t think there should ever be a stigma about dating another comic. We’re all adults here.”

“If you spend all your spare time at open mics and clubs, it’s a wonder there aren’t more comedy couples around here. Who else do we ever even meet? Why is it so surprising that people you spend half your week at least with, are the same ones you hook up with?”

“It is nobody’s business if I get booked with his help or by myself, they’ll think what they want.”

“I think dating comics is fine, if you want, but never hook up with them. PAINFULLY AWKWARD.”

“I’ve always wanted a nice improv boyfriend to yes-and me.”

“I’m glad {my boyfriend} does comedy, because right now I’d hate to have to choose between comedy and a boy, as far as my free time goes.”

I want to thank my ladies (you know who you are) for participating in this project of mine and really giving me new insight into dating comics. It sounds like it’s not an easy job, but if you’re mature and confident in yourself it shouldn’t be anything but licks and hisses. I mean, hugs and kisses.

Gentleman? Final sentiments?

“I think that all comics shouldn’t be grouped together and some relationships can work in that environment. Everybody is different. But in my experience we did clash at times.”

“All this time has passed {since we dated} and I’m still the funniest thing about {her}.”

“In general, when you date someone that does what you do – it adds a layer of needless competition. Sometimes, that competition doesn’t rear its head but other times it does and it can be destructive to the relationship.”

Wow, going into this I thought it would be way harder for women to date male comics. You know, people talk. They say things like, “She got that gig because she’s blowing so-and-so.” Or, “She’s sleeping her way to the top.” But as it turns out, through the surveys I’ve collected, I think it’s actually harder for the men to be in a relationship with another comedian.

Maybe society and the media teach women to be competitive only with other women. But society and the media teach men that weakness and vulnerability are a major fault, and being compared to a woman is a bitter pill to swallow. The worst thing you can call a guy is a sissy, pussy, wimp, or little bitch. So the last thing you want to have is someone by your side who you’re constantly being associated with and compared to, and having her be much better than you. Perhaps men use comedy as a way of demonstrating masculinity. They’re being heard, and that makes them feel important.

There’s also the common misconception that women aren’t funny. If your girlfriend is booking more gigs than you, and writing stronger material than you, it’s probably difficult for a man to put aside his machismo and just be proud. I believe it takes a very strong and confident man to date a truly funny woman.

Please understand I did only conduct this survey with a few people who do not represent the opinions or beliefs of all Boston comedians. They are only speaking on behalf of their own experiences, from which I am drawing my conclusions. If you disagree with my findings or opinions, please feel free to leave your comments at the bottom! I am interested to research this further.

Wow, so much information!! Any last last absolute last thoughts before I wrap this puppy up in a puppy burrito? Chicks? Dudes?

“Oh, and the sex was fantastic.”

And why shouldn’t it be! Everything else is a joke.

Written by Danielle Soto