It is almost impossible to know literally anything about yourself without taking a personality quiz on the Internet. Unfortunately, most basic introvert/extrovert quizzes ignore an entirely separate but equally important category of humans: perverts. Don’t worry, we see you and created a quiz that is inclusive of you degenerates out there! Take this quiz to find out what every single person that has ever met you already knows, ya lil’ freak.

Your friend asks you to join an adult soccer league. What do you say?

a.) Explain that I would, but I already committed to backyard javelin throwing. Alone.

b.) Sign up immediately even though I am already captain of two other teams. The more bonding opportunities, the merrier!

c.) Ask if the league will provide the balls and then laugh hysterically. Heyo! Balls jokes are fire!

It’s Free Friday at the local art museum. What’s your plan for the night?

a.) Bring my drawing pad and quietly sketch a portrait of the retired volunteer docent from my perch in the corner of the room.

b.) It’s all about the free boxed wine. I invite my 14 closest friends to pre-game at the museum before hitting up the clubs.

c.) Take nine selfies posing with the bottom half of a replica of Michelangelo’s David to send to all of my happily married exes. And maybe a dick pic thrown in – doesn’t have to be yours, just a good, solid dick. Classic me!

When you make jokes, how do your friends usually react?

a.) If you’re referring to my pet plants, Reginald and Diane, they mostly don’t.

b.) My sorority paper plate award was “Funniest and Coolest and Most Popular Jokester” so that should tell you what you need to know!

c.) They usually say, “Why did you have to make that sexual?” and groan a lot and then they almost always notice how late it’s getting and call it a night. Lol, they are such nerds!