JUST REWARDS?

When the Fiver is given the old heave-ho from Fiver Towers, and it can't be far off happening now, the only compensation coming its way will be a hefty kick up the backside from the Man's hired goons on the way out of the building. For football managers, though, the situation is altogether more cushty. When they do things like spend £20m on Stewart Downing, the marching orders come not only with a P45, but a chunk of money as well, a merited reward for spending £35m on Andy Carroll. So it's something of a noodle-scratcher that Aston Villa and Liverpool remain managerless. Succeed? Get paid. Fail? Get paid anyway. Like spending £16m on Jordan Henderson, it's surely a no-brainer. Even though both positions represent chalices more poisonous than a Daily Mail editorial.

For footballing black hole Aston Villa, there was disappointment last night after it emerged that Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has decided not to take the job, presumably after learning that Mr Em is being allowed to leave on a free. Probably for the best, though, because Solskjaer is from Norway and as far as the Fiver knows, they don't actually play football there. A transfer budget consisting of 3p and a packet of Skittles might have swayed his decision as well. Villa's attention may now turn to Plucky Little Wigan's Roberto Martinez, who rejected them last year, Swansea's Brendan Rodgers or Norwich's Paul Lambert. Alex McLeish is also available. Mr Em too.

At least Liverpool are making progress of sorts, now they appear set to make Louis van Gaal their new sporting director, although it might arguably make more sense to just make him the manager, seeing as he's won a league title as recently as 2010, while it's so long since Liverpool last won the title that the Fiver's even changed its underpants in the intervening period. That said, it would be more entertaining to see the notoriously combustible Van Gaal clashing with angst-ridden teenager Andre Villas-Boas or telling Rafa Benitez that, no, he can't sign Gareth Barry, Antonio Nunez and Michael Owen. It won't be Frank de Boer though; he's the latest to turn them down, opting to stay at Ajax instead. Liverpool haven't quite suffered the indingity of Sky Sports News stalwart Curbzzzzzzzz saying no yet, but once that does happen, and it will, there's only one man to turn to: Terry Connor.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"This guy has done his time in prison. He wants to come back and give something back to society. The best way we can do that is to rehabilitate, and that's the role Swindon can play. It's a benefit we've thought about in the long term. It's going to be a big debate and I'm not frightened of it" – Jeremy Wray, chairman of Swindon Town, confirms the League Two family club of the year 2012's decision to hand a trial to Luke McCormick, who was jailed for seven years and four months in October 2008 for killing two children in a crash on the M6 motorway while driving dangerously at twice the legal alcohol limit.

FIVER LETTERS

"I have so many questions about Joe Cole's CV (yesterday's Fiver). How many pages is it? What kind of a job would fulfil his professional ambitions and skill set? Does he list any scholarly articles that he's written? His work experience at Chelsea, West Ham, and Tesco? That lonely passing GSCE grade? And who are his references? If the Fiver can post a copy of the CV, I'm sure most of this will be answered" – Mike Wilner.

"Re: yesterday's quote of the day. Thanks for nothing, Fiver. If only I had this information a few weeks ago when I thought I was pretty sure that I saw Hope Solo walking down a Seattle street. Not that it would have done me any good (very happily married, thanks), but still, I'm reasonably certain that Hope Solo may or may not have passed by me on the sidewalk. I'm just glad that, as a representative sample of internet football email readers, I immediately cast my eyes downward to my feet and shuffled past in utter silence" – Daniel Stauss.

"I wonder, would the Fiver be able to access Google statistics to determine just how many people googled the words 'Hope Solo' and 'atephobic' at 5.10pm yesterday evening? I am willing to wager the 'Hope Solo' search was limited to 'images'" – Graham McGarry.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you've nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver.

BITS AND BOBS

Fun and games in South America dept: armed Racing Club fans stopped player Giovanni Moreno as he drove out of training and threatened to shoot him in the legs if the team failed to win their next game. "I thought they were going to shoot him," said witness and team-mate Federico Santander. "He was terrified as I was. I'm frightened, I don't know what to do."

Bayern Munich chief suit Karl-Heinz Rummenigge has defended Arjen Robben after the Dutchman was jeered by the club's fans during last night's friendly with Holland. "It is the style of Bayern and their fans to give the one who has fallen down the hand and help him," claimed Rummenigge after watching the style of some Bayern supporters to give the one who has fallen down the finger.

Along with Mr Em, Brad Guzan and Carlos Cuellar have also left Aston Villa after their contracts ran out.

Venkatesh Rao, Blackeye Rovers' co-owner, reckons Steve Kean-Out's future won't be resolved until next month. "Still everything is in confusion," understated Rao. "Right now we are totally in shock so let us take it step by step."

And defender Paul McShane has been called into the Republic O'Ireland squad for Saturday's friendly against Bosnia-Herzegovina.

STILL WANT MORE?

Get your laughing gear ready as it is time for this season's video round-up of the ones even Sandra Redknapp would have scored.

From which player looks best as a werewolf to the disallowed goal of the season, there is nothing Paolo Bandini does not know about Italian football as his annual utterly exhaustive review of the Serie A season shows.

Ever wondered whose goal music is the most inappropriate? Nah, neither had we. But John Ashdown spent hours and hours researching it for this week's episode of the Knowledge so we thought he deserved a plug.

And Stuart James explains why FC Manchester Moneybags are the only side hiking their season ticket prices ahead of next season.

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