Forget the debate about whether vodka was originally invented in Russia or Poland or the battle over which country makes the world’s best: for better or worse, the smooth clear spirit is inextricably tied to Russia. But which Russian vodka is the tastiest…and which is the best one for you to bring to a friend’s party? It’s a complicated question, made even more difficult by the fact that vodka, by definition, doesn’t have that much flavor. At its heart, it’s designed to be a blank slate, ready to be written on by the combination of mixers and garnishes that accompany it. (Speaking of which, here are a few snacks that go really well with vodka shots).

This isn’t to say that it’s completely flavorless: if you set five or six premium vodkas side-by-side and sip them, one after the other, with a glass water to clear your palate, you’ll discover little flavor nuances that make each one distinctive. It’s a fun experiment to try. Once. (There’s a word for people who “try” it regularly. That word isn’t “imaginative.” It also probably isn’t “functional”).

But for the vast majority of us – specifically, those of us who have not spent the last few years subsisting on rainwater and grain alcohol – the nuances of vodka are largely academic. Any middle or top-shelf vodka is going to be smooth, especially if you chill it before drinking. And, even for those with the tastebuds of a hummingbird and the nose of a bloodhound, the delicate flavors of vodka will disappear by the third shot.

So if you’re not going to base your Russian vodka choice on flavor, what should be the most important consideration? The label, of course! In most cases, your fellow vodka drinkers will make up their minds about the liquor in question before you break the tax stamp. So, given that this is one case where the book will most definitely be judged by the cover, here are a few key brands – and the message that they will send your guests and your hosts when you bring them to the table.

(Note: all vodkas are in their original flavor, without the addition of blueberries, bananas, whipped cream, marshmallow fluff, and so on. This is because we’re assuming that the people reading these reviews are over the age of fifteen, aren’t drinking this stuff on a dare, and don’t want vodka that tastes like a snow cone. If that is not the case, go with Stoli Salted Karamel).

The Classic: Stoli

Walk through the door with a bottle of Stolichnaya, and one thing will be immediately clear: you’re a classicist. Stoli is the vodka of historians, the booze for people who remember that there was once a country called the Soviet Union, and it was once an existential threat for the West. There was a time when Stolichnaya was a more stable currency than the ruble: people were paid in it, cars were bought with it, and fortunes rose and fell in the shadow of its iconic label. Now it’s a mid-price brand.

Ironically, today’s Stolichnaya is not entirely produced in Russia: the alcohol comes from a Russian factory, and the water that it’s cut with comes from Latvia, where it’s bottled. It’s quadruple-distilled, then filtered through quartz, sand, charcoal, cloth and (allegedly) Lenin’s back hair.

Flavor: Stoli’s flavor is solid. It’s made from wheat and rye, which gives it a smooth, ever so slightly sweet and creamy taste. Vodka snobs argue that it’s largely a mixer, but it stands up nicely on its own, particularly if you toss the bottle in the freezer.

The Generic: Russian Standard

The notion of a “Russian standard” for vodka is a little silly. After all, we’re talking about a country where going on a five-day, alcohol-driven bender is somewhat socially acceptable. During Gorbachev’s famous vodka ban, the “standard” drinking options included moonshine, window cleaner, cologne, insecticide, wallpaper paste, and pretty much anything else that contained alcohol or could fermented to produce it.

When it was released in the late 1990’s, Russian Standard got a boost from the fact that it highlighted “Russian,” rather than “Soviet” culture. Since then, the company has tried to tie itself to Dmitri Mendeleev, the guy who came up with the periodic table of the elements (and, in 1894, a recipe for vodka). This is more or less ridiculous, but the fact remains that Russian Standard’s cool label and Cyrillic lettering make it a good (if standard) contribution to any vodka-based festivities.

Flavor: Charcoal-filtered, it has a creamy mouthfeel and a VERY slightly spicy flavor.