My cat Malibu and I were recently reading an issue of HRM while it was too cold outside to actually do something productive. One of the editors was describing some of the unlucky automotive related events that have happened to him over the years. Some were admittedly his fault, and others were beyond his control. So I began to reminisce myself on some of my own “misfortunes”.

Let’s take a look back, shall we?

– I once hung a car from the shop ceiling….. by it’s hood. Hood hinges are much stronger than you would think, so is the chainfall for pulling engines out.

– While still not fully awake yet, I opened the garage door and took a very complete step into a drain bucket full of waste oil. That was a bad way to start the morning.

– After not being able to loosen a bumper bolt on one of my trucks, I got out my big 1/2 inch drive breaker bar. I applied all the pulling force that my body could possibly make, when the breaker bar suddenly snapped and I punched myself in the face. It was definitely the hardest punch I have ever thrown or received.

– I learned that throwing a brake-less 1964 Thunderbird into park when it is rolling will not even begin to slow it down. Then in a panic, if you push the Thunderbird’s “emergency” brake pedal to the floor, the cables WILL snap. This chain of events will guarantee a firm crash into a beautiful 1976 Corvette.

– Late at night, when cruising home from a friends house, I missed the end of the street, drove across a busy road, got a little bit of air-time, and landed my truck in someones beautifully groomed front lawn. That sure was awkward.

– It turns out that a clogged catalytic converter can cause a 1988 Camaro automatic transmission to not shift properly. So spending 11 hours replacing a working transmission with another working transmission is not going to unclog the catalytic converter and fix the real problem. Mental Note: Only buy cars older than 1973!

– You will never see as much traffic on your road as when you lose your driveshaft during the maiden voyage of your project car. I guess I should have tightened those u-joint caps down.

– I think we have all forgotten to install an oil drain plug before. The difference is, the Cadillac that I forgot it on held 8 quarts of oil (with the drain plug in) . 8 quarts makes one heck of an oil slick. Luckily, I noticed before I started the engine.

– Just because the neighbor is rumored to be in jail, doesn’t mean you can take his 83 Riviera through the woods. However, it did prove that a V8, front wheel drive car is not a good off-roading vehicle.

– I got pulled over by a police officer that was on a bicycle. It was kind of a humorous situation, and I deserved the ticket.

– Contrary to popular belief, Olds Cutlass Ciera’s aren’t good at hill climbing in the sand pits. My friend rolled his onto it’s roof, and I got to help him flip it back over. As far as his parents knew, a tree fell on it. I hope they don’t read this.

– An easy way to test the strength of a wooden 4×4 is to place a 60 Pontiac body on it. If it breaks, and dumps the body on the ground, then it is not a very strong piece wood.

– It turns out that the automatic transmissions in rear wheel drive cars are very close to the floor pans. So if you aren’t paying attention when installing a B&M shifter, you can easily drill through the floor pan and into the top of the transmission.

I will finish it off with an explanation of the fine moment in history pictured above. Yeap, it’s me many years ago….. borrowing a pair of women’s sunglasses to protect my eyes from the burning magma 2 feet from my face. There is so much wrong with this picture that I cannot even begin to explain. What the heck was I thinking?