The IRS Battles Homeland Security — America Wins

by Greg Perry by Greg Perry

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Usually when two groups fight, Americans begin the ritual of rooting for their favorite teams. Offices start friendly betting pools, kids paint their faces, and eBay sees brisk ticket sales. In every case one set of fans goes home disillusioned, dejected, and despondent.

Not so here!

KLBJ Radio ran a story this week about Austin, Texas IRS Workers clashing with Homeland Security Police. Oh if only they had sold tickets to that one! Those of you who despise the IRS and those of you who despise Homeland Security — which basically means all Americans — would have paid the more than $4 per gallon to drive to that match, you know you would have.

The great thing about this Fiduciary Family Feud is that no matter who loses America wins! The IRS loses, super! Homeland Security gets clobbered, no problem. What if both departments come away scathed? It’s a tie, America wins, score one for the Gipper!

The Meaning of the Match

The clash began with Austin IRS employees who were represented by the Treasury Employees Union. By the way have you noticed that you no longer make your checks out to the Internal Revenue Service? The IRS angered and destroyed so many livelihoods over its first 90 or so years that they felt a name change would keep you at bay just a little longer before you completely revolted. That’s why a few years ago they began requiring that you make your checks out to the much friendlier sounding Department of the Treasury.

It was the Treasury’s union that began protesting Tuesday about unfair labor practices.

There are so many aspects of this story which are juicy that writing about it is like shooting fish in a barrel. For example, one of their gripes is if they got stuck in traffic they were fined for being late. Hello IRS employees! Heard of April 15th? How about a compromise where your employers let you come to work late once in a while and every 3 or 4 years you let us get our taxes mailed a little late without interest and fines?

The IRS employees say they have other gripes too. Well, welcome to the club.

Homeland Secures the IRS

About ten minutes after the IRS employees began their protest Homeland Security Police arrived and ordered the protesters to leave. Come on, you love this story, right?

Where is the poor IRS workers’ right to congregate and protest? Where is their freedom of speech? Oops; those police have guns don’t they? For years we’ve been saying that the Second Amendment makes the First Amendment possible. He who has the gun gets to keep his printing press and all that. When it’s only the police who have guns it’s called a Police State. The IRS workers faced a Police State this week. They lost. (You can see them lose by playing this video.)

It gets better — the IRS is told they must have a permit to be there! Gee, sometimes regulations can stranglehold people just trying to survive can’t they Mr. and Mrs. IRS Worker?

An IRS Worker is seen carrying a sign that reads, "Empower — Not Raw Power!" Not raw power? If there were a better definition of the Internal Revenue Service than "raw power" I am speechless to come up with one.

I’ll leave the following for you to write your own funny cynicism: an IRS Worker is actually holding a sign that reads, "Support Family Values!"

Here’s an even easier one: "IRS Not Family Friendly"! Couldn’t you think of hundreds of reactions to seeing an actual IRS Worker carrying such a sign?

A Solution to Our National Debt is Right In Front of Us

Let’s make this an annual event. Every May 27th, all across the nation, employees of the IRS and Homeland Security could meet in parking lots and have a rumble!

I bet Wal-Mart would let them use its parking lots and restrooms because we’d buy our pop, beer, dogs, and chips there for the tailgate parties. If they’d sell tickets for the events there’d be enough income to run our country and even all our wars which is nice because without all those IRS Workers at their collections desks there wouldn’t be a lot of taxpaying going on. Even better, HBO could offer a cut of pay-per-view sales to pay down the national debt for the exclusive right to televise the events.

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