Our overlord Paul Elam, busy as he usually is with his glorious plans to righteously put women back in their place (barefoot, pregnant, in the kitchen, with their mouths taped shut) has recently given to me, his humble servant, the task of checking his emails for him.

We here in the AVfM compound in Houston, surrounded by barbed wire fences, sequestered in the tinfoil-lined inner sanctum, designed to block the secret mind-rays shot out at us from the space-lizard orbital craft; protected by special cloth filters to strain out the chemtrails left by overhead aircraft run by Feminist government officials, have to be constantly on the lookout. And when Paul is busy whipping our women into shape, he has humpbacked neckbearded basement-dwellers like me to manage the little things for him, such as his email.

The following email recently came into Paul’s mailbox from one Brad Casey, which I dutifully printed out and took to Overlord Elam’s chambers. As he sat upon the throne, I kneeled and offered up this missive. While stroking a purring kitten, he gently picked the printout up, in his delicate way, with tongs, and read from it. It said:

Hey all at AVFM. My name is Brad Casey, I write for a publication called VICE. You might know me from an article I wrote a few weeks back about the CAFE protests in Toronto at UofT. Here’s a link to that article: http://www.vice.com/en_ca/read/we-went-to-a-mens-rights-lecture-in-toronto I’m writing an article currently where I profile several female MRAs and ask them why they chose to become activists for men’s rights. I feel that being a male feminist is something that is generally accepted but being a female MRA is confusing for most. That in mind, I have a 10 question survey which I hope will clarify why a woman would choose to identify as an MRA, what issues they find important, what they think of feminists and their men’s rights community. I’m wondering if some of the female staff at AVFM might be interested in taking part in this survey or if you might be able to connect me with some female MRAs. I understand that you might be reluctant in answering this email or taking part in this request judging by what I wrote in my previous article. While I don’t agree with the philosophy behind AVFM I do think that men’s rights are important and some of the issues brought up within the community are worthy of study and attention. In regards to this article I’m hoping to gain an understanding of a side of the debate which is confusing for me and our readership. Let me know what you think. Thanks!

With a bellow of rage, Overlord Elam stood from his throne, and roared, “How dare you Esmay?! This man asks for permission to speak to MY women, and you don’t know better than to send him packing? Does he think they have minds of their own? Does he think I would so much as allow him in their presence, to touch them and to mindrape them with his Feminist Truth?” He then strangled the kitten he had been stroking, bit off its head, swallowed, and then with kitten blood drooling down his lips said, “You should know better than to waste my time with this trash! You know perfectly well he shall never be allowed near my women! They are mine! My property! Mine! You know better Esmay, you insolent fool. Why don’t I just kill you where you stand?”

“But master!” I cried, cringing and putting my forehead to the ground to show him my submission. “Perhaps if we tell the women what they must say, they can help us spread your message for compassion for boys and men, for the fundamental civil and human rights for men and boys… I mean, our plans to dominate and subjugate women!”

His face turning purple with fury, he took out his Toledo Salamanca Broadsword and lunged at me as I screamed in terror and backed away, caught up against the wall, struggling to escape. “Forgive me master, forgive meeeee!” I shrieked.

With his blade pressed against my throat, he hissed his next words out. “These women are mine, Esmay, mine, mine!” With each terrifying word the sword pressed harder into my neck, and I knew if I even swallowed I would bleed to death then and there. In terror, I stood still and allowed my lord to speak.

“They know their place and they know it is not to speak but only to be spoken to! Now get from my sight and be lucky I spared your life for even suggesting such a thing.”

With a kick to my buttocks, which I surely deserved, he sent me scurrying from his chamber as he called upon his harem to service him sexually and help him calm his Mighty Rage.

Thinking the matter ended, I rushed through the hallways in our underground labyrinth back towards the upstairs bunker where we keep watch out for the black helicopters. But on my way, Kristina Hansen rushed out and grabbed me. “Deacon Dean! Deacon Dean!” she cried. “I have heard some wicked man with terrible thoughts of freedom for women wishes to speak to me. What shall I do? What shall I do? I know it is my job to obey men in all things, but Master Paul, what will he want me to say?”

Finding my manhood I said, “No Kristina. We must not speak of this. Put away from your tiny mind all ideas we have not given you. We will protect you from the Bad Men and their Bad Thoughts.”

“Oh thank you Dean, thank you! I feel so safe with you!”

“I’ll bet you do,” I said, and sent her away with a swat to her perky ass. Master Elam does not allow me to have sexual congress with women without his permission, but we are otherwise free to stroke the hair and squeeze the bottoms and breasts of His Women at will, which is a nice perk to this job.

Having proven my innate superiority to women, even if it is lower than Master Elam’s, I walked on, regaining some of my macho confidence, only to be stopped by yet another woman in the compound. Girl Writes What (aka Karen Straughan) stumbled out of her assigned chamber with a just-been-fucked hairdo and scratching her ass. “Dean,” she said drearily, “I just got an email from this Brad Casey jackass.”

Master Elam allows Karen more freedom to communicate with the outside world than the other women; he even lets her say whatever she wants on her YouTube channel, as long as she clears it through him first. (Kristina and our other women must submit all their scripts to him in advance for rewrites.)

“Brad Casey wants to mind-rape you,” I said. “Don’t talk to him.”

“I wasn’t going to, I was going to tell him to go fuck himself,” she snorted.

“Yeah well, that’s probably good, but Master Paul would prefer you not speak to him at all.”

“Pfft,” she said, languidly lighting up one of her trademark cigarettes (because we can’t seem to get her to switch to that electronic cigarette no matter what we do). “As if I wanted to.” She snorted again and turned, walking back into her assigned quarters. I heard said something about, “another blowjob Mike?” as she shut the door. I heard a man grunt as I walked away.

She pretends independence of thought so well.

Finally I made my way back upstairs to the above-ground bunker, made a quick check for Feminist Black Helicopter presence and noted we were all clear… for now. I thought hard about how to respond to rapist-wannabe Brad Casey of VICE. Where to begin, where to begin?

—

So. To be a bit more serious:

Brad Casey appears not to understand that the Men’s Human Rights Movement is, you know, a movement, with a whole lot of scholars and research and publications to back up its many many claims and arguments, with an enormous amount of research behind our advocacy–research which, you know, he never bothered to ask about before slamming us.

Brad Casey seems not to understand that one of the missions of A Voice for Men is to cover news stories, like recent stories of feminist violence, intolerance, and fascist thuggery in Toronto. Brad Casey is also content to smear Warren Farrell without actually, y’know, addressing those smears and making it clear that they’re smears. He thinks men’s advocates are losers, but the angry mob screaming and calling people names and pulling fire alarms and making threats were just doing their jobs: I guess when it comes to violent women, Brad just doesn’t take them seriously, because in his eyes women aren’t adults to be held as accountable as men for bad behavior.

I also guess Brad thinks that just because we, as a publication, cover events in Canada (as well as, you know, around the United States, Spain, the UK, Australia, Sweden, India, and much of the rest of the globe), we must be in sinister cahoots with groups in Canada who are trying to speak about men’s issues. He even thinks that if men kill themselves at 4 times the rate of women, it’s somehow significant that women threaten to kill themselves more often, because, you know, a woman saying “I want to kill myself” and a man actually killing himself, why that’s just the same fucking thing and should be given equal prominence.

And that’s just scratching the surface of his aggressively ignorant “journalism.” His ridiculously stupid and ill-informed piece about fascist feminist thuggery in Toronto tells me he’s someone no men’s advocate with a brain would get within a mile of; he’s pretty clearly an ambush journalist who makes his money and reputation smearing his fellow man and playing white knight to women who act like 12 year olds throwing temper tantrums. I could only read that shit agog when it was first published; I am serious, and not in the least bit sarcastic, when I say that I am entirely confident that a High School Senior working for her school paper could have done a better job of covering events in Toronto than this ill-informed, aggressively ignorant, bigotry-spouting dipshit.

Still, a quick informal survey of the female men’s advocates I know–and I certainly did not and could not ask them all–had them all thinking the same thing. They looked at this shit-for-brains article by Brad Casey and thought, “why would I talk to a dishonest ambush journalist who’s only going to quote-mine me and spin whatever I say into bullshit, just like he did at the Toronto protests?”

I have no good answer for them. I think someone like Sean Hannity or Michael Savage might have done a better job of covering that shit, Brad, and I view their journalistic skills and integrity as lower than your average High School newspaper editor’s, too.

Now the fact is, Brad, I don’t care how many female MRAs you talk to. The ones I work with are all strong, intelligent, independent woman who can handle their shit.The real question isn’t whether I want them to talk to you or not. That’s up to them. The real question is, why should I even bother asking them on your behalf? Why should I play the role of your secretary, you aggressively ignorant asshole?

We are a non-violent, volunteer, dedicated civil rights organization and publication, Mr. Casey, and we don’t hate anybody but bigots. That’s nothing more and nothing less than what we are. And we’re used to being stereotyped, pigeonholed, misquoted, quote-mined, distorted, attacked, misrepresented and outright lied about by your ilk. We are used to it happening while we’re busy trying to get innocent men out of jail, help children escape abusers, help domestic violence victims recover, and call out corrupt public officials. If you spent much of any time on this site (instead of randomly Googling shit you can quote out of context) you’d know we do all those things, regularly, and we do it all on nothing but a crew of volunteers and a few donations.

So why would we do anything but DIScourage any of our people to waste their precious time to talk to you when we are virtually certain you’ll twist their shit and make them look crazy and stupid and ill-informed, when most of them are probably a lot smarter and more knowledgeable than you are? Especially on the topic of feminism, which you obviously don’t know much about and on which you haven’t done much to educate yourself.

On the flip side, now that I’ve actually published that you’re looking for female MRAs to talk to–after having, you know, savaged them and their comrades-in-arms in an incredibly deceitful and malicious fashion there on VICE–how do I know you won’t go and make up some fake MRAs to talk to, or accept anything from anyone self-describing as an MRA, whether they really are or not, and run with that? Answer: I don’t. We don’t.

You’ve already shown yourself to be an irresponsible shitty excuse of a journalist. So maybe if they talk to you you’ll make shit up or twist their shit up to make them look bad, but maybe if they don’t, you’ll make a bunch of shit up, or one of David Futrelle’s minions will show up in your inbox and say “yeah I’m a female MRA and I support taking rights away from women and I hate women too because we women suck, put women who have abortions in prison praise jesus blargh!” and so on and so forth, because that’s just what a whole lot of people who oppose compassion and fundamental human rights for boys and men do: pretend to be MRAs or to be quoting MRAs just to make us look bad. We’ve seen it in action more than once. At least one asshole we know of pretty much does it as a full-time gig.

So here’s the favor I’ll do for you, Brad Casey: I’ll go ahead and recommend to some of our female MRAs that they answer your questionnaire. But you know what I’ll also recommend? That they CC me their responses, so I can publish them, unedited and in full, right here on A Voice for Men. And if I’m wrong about you, and your journalistic ethics and abilities are above those of pond scum, you’ll actually make sure to link those in-full, unedited responses when we publish them.

Female MRAs don’t have to respond to you at all–that’s their choice–but if you want my help contacting them, that’s what I’m gonna do as a service to them.

So Brad: e-mail Paul again and tell him that’s all fine with you, and I’ll encourage the little women to talk. But please do him the courtesy to put “Trigger Alert: Lying Asshole” in the subject line.

And if you disagree with this precaution, go fuck yourself you lying asshole, we’re not going to help you, and we’re making it clear exactly what kind of dishonest shit we expect you to do.

Prove us wrong. Paul will await your email.