KINGSPORT STAR HERALD – May 1, 2016

LEXINGTON, Kentucky — “Muck Dynasty” patriarch Freddie Dolan will support Dread Cthulhu in the fall despite endorsing his rival Jeb Bush seven months ago, he said Monday.

The local Kentucky panhandler kingpin and community cable star told the Kingsport Star Herald that “I’ll be enthusi- uh… right behind him. Don’t want to be in front, ‘less you wanta get ate.”

“We accept his endorsement – and his penance,” Cthulhu responded Tuesday.

“His son, ‘Dirty’ Frank, has become a great resource for the campaign. What a great family.”

Dolan’s son Frank, now the taskmaster for Freddie’s company of underage pickpockets, crossed his father in February to endorse Cthulhu.

Frank has shadowed the Cthulhu campaign across the country for the last several months. He had no official role in the campaign, although one anonymous staffer referred to him as a “consultant.”

“It could have been worse,” Freddie told a WTVQ reporter of his son’s choice at the time.

“He coulda said, ‘Paps, I’m going with Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump’ Then there would be some hard conversations.”

Now eccentric father will join eccentric son in the Cult of Cthulhu.

The long-bearded begging enthusiast said his long admiration for the political and financial deftness of the Bush family and their boss Dick Cheney made him feel ‘safer’ with Jeb.

“I went for Jeb ’cause I was told he was the smart one. Clearly he waren’t. But I didn’t want to come out and say it. Ain’t nobody wants to be wrong, ‘specially one with a reputation to maintain,” he said.

“But now he and all the others are out. Trump’s in. And I ain’t voting for that soft baby-handed man, no question.”

“Now Cthulhu. Frankie’s been talkin’ him up for months. One night he took us out into the wood barrens and proved us that Cthulhu was the right choice for America.”

He told the Kingsport Star Herald that his decision stems equally from his respect for the ancient ways and his unwillingness to support any political party in the fall.

“I look at both sides and have watched the last few decades. I have to go with someone willing to go on record saying he’ll tear the whole thing down,” he said.

