Shamefully perhaps, I’d never heard of “mum-shaming” until I read that Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, was being trolled on Instagram for not holding her new baby correctly. When I Googled it, the top stories were all of Meghan holding baby Archie in the Sun, the Express and the Daily Mirror.

Although these “cruel trolls” were largely anonymous, they were widely quoted by the papers. One, according to the Mirror, wrote: “Why can’t she hold the baby properly after two months? Clearly the nanny looks after him most of the time.”

It seems fair to say that the relationship between the American actor who married Prince Harry and the press has reached new lows.

Although there were already signs that the media had fallen out of love with Markle earlier this year, she hasn’t even been awarded the usual sympathy afforded to new mothers.

In the past week, the papers have used a “body language expert” to confirm the antagonism between Meghan and her sister-in-law. They were “two mothers wrapped up and lost in their own worlds,” said the “expert” as if that were unusual, rather than a sign that they were looking after a newborn and three young children.

Then there was the fact that Meghan wore jeans to Wimbledon and asked security to stop people taking pictures. At the heart of these disputes is the desire of both Harry and Meghan to keep as much of their lives private as possible and to keep control of their image. The decision to refuse to let the media in on Archie’s christening – thus denying the media lucrative pictures of godparents holding the latest member of the Royal family – led to howls of press outrage.

At the fulcrum, or perhaps nadir, of any Meghan criticism is usually Piers Morgan, who last week wrote a “10-point guide to becoming a popular princess” (and no, I’m not making this up). “All you need to do to help charities is turn up, shake hands, smile, empathise and listen,” he noted, extolling the virtues of a generation of Royals that did just that and would never dream of working in film.

Although the coverage of this 37-year-old woman with a career and life of her own has been intolerable at times, the young royals are playing a dangerous game if they think they can cut out the media completely. This becomes apparent when the public purse is called on for exceptional circumstances which, unlike weddings, none of us see.

In a country where so many of its citizens live in substandard housing they will never own, the cost of housing the royals is the most obvious story of this kind. As one former Royal insider said, “there has never been a popular refurbishment story”. The £369m refit of Buckingham Palace agreed in 2016 caused some outrage even though they stressed the importance of the historic building and it came as the country needed some pomp-and-glory ballast.

And so we come to the outrage over the cost of the refurbishment of the new Sussex residence in the grounds of Windsor castle. Accounts revealed that £2.4m of taxpayers’ money had been spent turning five properties back to a single home. Although the press officers stressed the need to modernise the plumbing, there were rumours of designers and a £5,000 copper bath.

Talk to anyone who has worked for the royal family and they say it’s ludicrous to suggest that Meghan and Harry can pop into Ikea to decorate their first home. This argument suggests that complaints over spending a lot on a house is ridiculous when you tot up the amount spent on the entire royal family, tourism revenues or no. Which is a dangerous way to go for monarchists, of course.

Stories like the one that appeared in Business Insider last year detailing the 13 royals living in Kensington Palace at the very least remind UK taxpayers of quite how many royals there are.

Harry has tried to circumvent the tabloid press and both he and Meghan must wonder how an industry in decline for much of the past 20 years can still hold such sway. But, as public servants, there are different rules of engagement.

The media treatment of Meghan highlights some of its worst cruelties, yet a truly private life can only be enjoyed by those not paid for by the state. Although the monarchy is having a bit of a moment with a nonagenarian as head of state, goodwill can be lost in the time it takes to choose a Farrow & Ball paint colour.