Be afraid, nation: there’s something Comedy Central doesn’t want you to see.

Well, more like something Comedy Central can’t be bothered to show you. But in honor of this weekend’s Rally to Restore Sanity and March to Keep Fear Alive, let’s pretend this is a conspiracy theory orchestrated by the monolithic Viacom to prevent us from experiencing maximum joy.

When thedailyshow.com was launched three years ago, it was proclaimed to feature the “entire video history” of the show. Despite housing tens of thousands of videos from the show’s history, there are some fleeting Stewart, Colbert & Co. gems that became the victim of the splicing and dicing.

Here are the 10 best oddities left on the server room floor:

9) The Craig Kilborn Days

Ok, might as well acknowledge the elephant in the room, even if Comedy Central won’t. The only sign of the pre-Stewart days of the Daily Show on the website is the greyed-out years of 1996, 1997 & 1998 on the video date selection tool. Whether it’s a legal issue or an ego issue, who knows? But here’s a wee taste of what we’re missing. (One of the commenters on this vid says they were 4 years old when this aired. Excuse me while I go slit my wrists.)

8 ) Colbert Global Edition, uncensored

There are Daily Show examples of this, but you’ll soon see why I had to turn TCR for total epicness. See, funny thing about England: they don’t mind swearing all that much. So when fake news airs over there, it airs uncensored. A quick f-bomb here, a little #$%& there. But never has it been as entertaining as when Steve Martin walked onto the Report set, prompting Stephen to fly into a Christian Bale rage. The original is here, but you can download the totally uncensored 17.5 MB .avi file here: http://www.mediafire.com/?hb2pj8b2sfgc6dh (Warning: this clip may cause the air near your computer to turn blue.)

7) Flaming Senators

Perhaps the most fleeting moment on this list, but it’s on here purely because it makes me laugh. The original Singing Senators piece – hilarious in its own right – ended with Stephen Colbert attempting to wave his lighter to the tune of “Elvira”. Colbert tried to barrel through the fact that it never actually lit, but Jon Stewart wouldn’t let him get away with it. What you see on thedailyshow.com is the calling-out. What you don’t see is the camera pulling away to go to break and Colbert pretend-trying to light Stewart’s suit on fire in retaliation. (Like I said, it just makes me laugh.)

6) Reinventing the Reinventing the Speil

Quality on this one is terrible, but damn hilarious nonetheless. Watch Stephen Colbert have fun – a little too much fun – with his interview subjects in this set of outtakes from the 2001 Inpex Inventors’ Exposition. Poor guy just wants to get some magic in his drawers! The resulting straight-faced field piece can be seen here.

5) Hot Diggity Downward Dog

Think the fun with credits ends there? Hell no. From a This Week in God segment, check out this post-Moment-of-Zen b-roll of the very flexible Stephen Colbert doing yoga. Sort of.

4) Again, A Look Back – Behind the Scenes

You want more of Stephen’s surprising moves? Okay. An alert reader has informed me that the audio has crapped out on the original extended clip I uploaded, but what’s below is the best part anyway. I wish I could tell you more of the history behind this. It’s from a package of outtakes from a 2001 special episode called “Stephen Colbert: Again, A Look Back”. Based on the quality and the year, it’s hard to tell whether this was a web-only clip (remember the horrors of the Motherload player?) or ripped from tv. I’ll try to get the original clip fixed later day, but in the meantime, commence dancing.

3) Steve Carell Salutes Steve Carell

Well, who better to do it? Perhaps the other half of Even Stevphen?

2) Greatest Millennium

Yep, another great TDS “special” episode that aired and was never seen again. This retrospective on the millennium appropriately aired in December of 1999, and yes it includes references to a blue dress and a cigar. It also comes complete with this odd piece reminiscent of the Kilborn style, which I don’t blame ‘em for keeping off the website. (The full hour-long episode can be downloaded here: http://www.mediafire.com/?2wdy73r26t2vfu8)

1) The Daily View

I might be biased about this one, as it’s one of the first Daily Show episodes I ever saw. Long before the show aired in Canada, me and my blank VHS tape crashed on a friend’s couch in L.A. in the summer of ‘99. Lucky timing on my part, because this is yet another rare “special” consisting of previously aired field pieces which has never made it to thedailyshow.com.