Continuing in our series of attempts to imagine how Microsoft Marketing people relate to their fellow men outside work, we give you a glimpse of Microsoft Boy at school, before the start of his splendid career at Redmond.

Scene: The History lesson in school. The teacher wearily calls Microsoft Boy to his desk to try to discover where his homework is.

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Teacher:

“Well, young William, (looks over his glasses severely) where is your homework? It should have been handed in today, I’m afraid.”

Microsoft Boy:

(with a smug ingratiating smile redolent of sincerity) “The past week has been an amazing time for the me as I geared up to announce the delivery of my essay. The response to my announcement from friends and parents has been overwhelmingly positive – in fact, even my aunt Edith wants to read it. What is catching users’ eyes? Legibility, correctness, conciseness….the list goes on and on. Simply put, this history essay is a significant release for me – one that builds on all of the great things that I was able to deliver last year in the Lower fifth. I see it as a critical step forward for my academic life here, and the foundation of the broader vision for my school career. Based on what we are hearing from people who have seen the current version of my essay, it seems that everyone agrees.”

Teacher

(impatiently) “Well, that may be the case, but you haven’t actually handed your work in. Where is it for heavens sake? The others have managed to hand their work in!”

Microsoft Boy:

(earnestly) Not surprisingly, one of the top areas of focus for me is always to deliver high quality homework, and in a very predictable manner. This is vital for my dazzling school career – which is why I’ve frequently discussed my goal of releasing my history essay within three months of the last one. I am on track to reach this goal. (folds his arms with a smile of achievement)

Teacher: (whilst rustling about, searching on his desk)

“I don’t see it, I really can’t find your essay on my desk. It was supposed to have been handed in today.”

Microsoft Boy: (sensing something not quite right in his relationship)

“To continue in this spirit of open communication between us, I want to provide clarification on the roadmap for my essay. Over the coming months, you, and the other teaching staff here can look forward to significant milestones in the delivery of my homework. I am excited to deliver a release candidate of the essay in a month’s time, at Scout Camp, with final Release of the entire homework expected in another couple of months. My goal is to deliver the highest quality History essay possible and I simply want to use the time to reach the high bar that you, my teacher, has set.”

Teacher: (Head in hands, dispairingly)

“I really don’t understand. Have you handed in your homework or not?”

Microsoft Boy

“I have not, in any way, changed my plans for launching the essay today. What I have done today is to announce to you the delivery of my essay, and I’m proud to have met this target. Please keep the great feedback coming and thank you again for your ongoing support of my ‘best-in-class’ academic work!” (Proudly walks out of the classroom)