Scotland News: A shock new poll has revealed that the English counties of Cumbria, Northumberland, Durham and Yorkshire are demanding they also get to join Scotland.



“Scotland has all the oil and whisky” said a spokesman from Yorkshire County Council. “So it’s pretty much a no-brainer for us.”

Durham County Council was more succinct in their reasons. “It’s not so much about a Scottish constitutional crisis and more about sticking two fingers up at all those monied, perma-tanned Southerners.”

It’s rumoured that if Scotland achieves independence from the U.K, Alex Salmond – the First Minister and leader of the Scottish National Party – will rebuild Hadrian’s Wall and reprint all Scottish currency with a picture of David Cameron painfully taking a length of phallus-shaped shortbread up the bum.

“Alex is also keen to get a replica of the big iron throne from Game Of Thrones fitted in Holyrood,” said a SNP spokesman.

Salmond was unavailable for comment, although he has released one official statement to the press, which simply reads: ‘Winter is coming’.

Story+Image: Simon Swatman