‘Rascal, how dare you, these days retired PSU employees can’t stand and relax outside petrol pump also?’

Respected Madam/Sir,

Good morning. Shall I share one secret with you?

Sometimes Mrs. M will ask me, “Old man, what is your favourite smell? Nalini’s son is coming from Hong Kong and she is saying if you want some perfume item please give details. Please tell urgently old man, flight is tomorrow.”

I will always say, “Kamalam, whatever perfume you are wearing for me, it is my favourite smell.” And she will say, “Yabba yabba yabba, this is why I am saying thousand times don’t eat last week’s curd rice, maybe it will be turned into alcohol.”

Then I will say, “Fine, Pond’s Dreamflower or Cuticura type smell is my favourite. Never again I will say one romantic thing. Later on don’t say why I am not like Madhavan, not like Arvind Swami and all.”

Madam/ Sir, you know actually what is my favourite smell? It is smell of petrol and diesel and paint. Sometimes when I am coming back from Senior Intermediate Yoga I will be walking and suddenly I will notice nearby petrol pump. I will walk casually there and then stand near machine for putting air in the tyres. And then I will smell and smell like anything. Sometimes petrol pump employee will come and say, “Uncle, any problem, you are just standing here for 20 minutes as if you have put thanni?”

I will say, “Rascal, how dare you, these days retired PSU employees can’t stand and relax outside petrol pump also?” He will say, “Ok fine, but if you do something suspicious I will call police, these days they are arresting retired people also ok uncle.” And then after half an hour of enjoying relaxing petrol smell I will go home and put DVD of Suhasini film and suddenly I am feeling as if I am only acting in Sindhu Bhairavi with Suhasini, and Kamalam is jealous wife Sulakshana.

So you can imagine Madam/ Sir, how much happiness is there in my life because painting work is going on in the flat this week. Whole house full of petrol smell. Bedroom petrol smell. Kitchen petrol smell. Kamalam petrol smell. Full day I am in good mood.

But not for Kamalam. Yesterday she came and said, “When these painter fellows are leaving, I have to go to Nalini’s house to pick up Hong Kong perfume.”

I asked, “Why? You are taking painter and going is it? Fine, I have no objection but please give bank passbook and all keys for flat and go, I wish you all the best.” She said, “Old man, shut up, I want to put good sari and earrings and all and go. But is it safe to open jewellery box when painter fellows are there?”

I said, “Woman, whether you trust anybody in this world? Even when doctor removed kidney stone from my own kidney you said doctor thanks and all ok please show the stone, is it from Mathrubootham or you are keeping one stone in your pocket and showing every patient. Why you are like this?”

In between all this painter came and said, “Uncle I found this chequebook behind sofa set, please keep it safely.” Painter looked at me, I looked at Kamalam, Kamalam looked at ceiling fan as if she has never seen ceiling fan before.

5:00 p.m. still they are painting. 5:30 p.m. still painting. 6:00 p.m. still painting. Kamalam came and said, “Old man, are you going to say something or not?” I said, “Kamalam what is this? If they go at 4:30 p.m. you will say lazy fellows not painting. If they work till 6 p.m. you will say rascals don’t want to go home or what.”

Madam/ Sir, this is the problem with whole country. Either public are saying please go, please go please go, and people like Dhoni are not going. Or public are saying don’t go, don’t go, and people like Rahul Gandhi are going going.

Whether anybody in this whole country will go proper time?

Painter finally left at 6:15 p.m. I told him, “Thank you, my son, please can you leave one small paint can for my personal use?”

Yours in mild intoxication,

M. Jathrubootham