When you think about your penis, lots of things might come to mind: "Do I have a normal penis?" We've all heard the jokes, the blatant references in our favorite movies, and seen the phallic imagery peppered into pop culture in general. In our society, penises are basically everywhere in a way that vulvas and vaginas just aren't (when's the last time you heard a great vagina joke on TV?). While penises may be more openly talked about in our society than vulvas, they're often talked about in ways that are harmful and downright inaccurate. There are tons of societal pressures that say penises should look and behave a certain way, and that can lead to insecurities. In other words, we have this idea of a "normal" penis. The good news is, these pressures are usually based on myths, not facts — and there's no such thing as a normal penis. Here are a few common misconceptions about penises that are neither helpful nor true.

Porn provides an accurate depiction of penises

Based on porn, you might think there’s something wrong with you if you don’t have a big penis that can always get and stay hard and last as long as you want. But it’s important to remember that porn doesn't always reflect reality.

“Just like with every other body part we have, penises grow in all shapes and sizes and we didn’t get to choose, so if your penis looks different from a porn performer’s, that’s totally normal,” says sex educator Anne Hodder-Shipp, who's certified by the American College of Sexologists. “Expecting our bodies to look like the ones we watch in porn is like expecting our driving skills to be the same as the ones we watch in the Fast & Furious movies — it’s just not fair to ourselves to have expectations like that.”

Having a penis means you’re a man

No matter what body parts you have, you get to define your own gender identity. There are men without penises, and there are people with penises who don’t identify as men. “Being a man has less to do what’s on the outside and everything to do with how we feel on the inside,” says Hodder-Shipp. “Having a penis means you have a penis, something you pee out of and probably gets erect and also probably feels good when you touch it. That is what it means to have a penis. What it means to be a man is way more layered than that.”

Penises are simple

You often hear that penises are simpler than vulvas, but there’s a lot more to penises than pop culture might have you believe. Often, how you’re feeling can affect the way your penis behaves, says New York City sex therapist Stephen Snyder, M.D., author of Love Worth Making and host of the "Relationship Doctor" podcast on Macmillan Publishers' QDT Network. It’s common, for example, to have trouble getting and staying hard when you’re with a partner if you’re not totally comfortable. That means the expectation that people with penises can always get erect, or that they will always have an orgasm during sex, aren't exactly true.

On the flip side, there are also a variety of ways to pleasure a penis, says Hodder-Shipp. While myth might have you believe that all it takes is a stroke here and a pump there for a penis-haver to experience pleasure, it can be much more varied than that. Knowing the penis anatomy and experimenting can help you figure out what feels best for you.

It’s not normal to have insecurities about your penis

People may not always feel comfortable talking about their penis insecurities, but that doesn’t mean a lot of people don’t have them. “It’s normal to have insecurities about all parts of our bodies — penises included — because we receive so many messages about how they should look, feel, or function,” says Hodder-Shipp. “We don’t often get a lot of helpful accurate information about our bodies, so we end up looking at others’ (or photos online) to compare and contrast. Unfortunately, this often ends up making us feel even more insecure. However, your penis looks exactly how it’s supposed to, and don’t let anyone or anything else tell you otherwise.”

The bigger, the better

Contrary to the image of penises that porn presents, the average penis is about 3.6 inches flaccid and about five inches erect, according to a 2014 study published in The British Journal of Urology International. It’s also perfectly normal to be smaller — and that doesn’t make you a bad lover. Being a good sexual partner is much more about your actions than your anatomy. Hodder-Shipp uses this analogy: “If I want to be an amazing tennis player, I can’t just purchase the same racket that Serena or Venus Williams uses and start swinging. I have to figure out how to use it — it takes practice, commitment, and willingness to make mistakes and learn from them.”

Being circumcised or uncircumcised is better for your sex life

You might have heard you’ll have more sexual pleasure if you’re circumcised — or you might have heard the opposite. The reason there are so many mixed messages is that there’s really no data making either case, says Hodder-Shipp. “People with intact penises and circumcised penises both experience sexual pleasure — and with satisfied partners,” she says. “Good sex doesn’t result from the shape of the equipment between your legs but rather how the person uses it.”