As soon as you sense that you are descending into that hormone-fueled fog, GRAB THIS LIST AND CAGE THE BEAST.

1. First, and this is very important for your future happiness, avoid anyone who does not love you unconditionally

2. Even if they DO love you unconditionally, avoid anyone who has previously hinted that they think you ought to be committed to some form of institution

3. If you are struck down at work, avoid interaction with your boss and coworkers. Try to dull your senses with loud Pandora music. Chew gum. Pretend you have something contagious.

4. If your time is your own, and it seems that playing competitive games would take your mind off your troubles, be careful to only play opponents far inferior to your skills. This should provide some protection against broken electronics and/or furniture.

5. Remember, if someone’s odor or appearance offends you, that does not give you the right to punch them. Wait till they say something that could reasonably be construed as a threat or insult.

6. Alcohol will probably just make things worse.

7. It is for these moments that the sensible woman keeps a chocolate stash. Be sure to maintain this stash in times of peace and harmony, but don’t fool yourself into thinking it is safe to buy unknown brands. Low-quality chocolate is a dangerous drug, and could just add to the hormone-induced rage. High quality and gooeyness are good factors to look for in creating your stash.

8. Go to the gym. You know you should anyway.

9. If you can’t make yourself go to the gym, consider sleeping the whole thing off. There is no shame in hibernation, but I would advise telling others that you have a headache (bringing up homicidal urges and demon possession will make people keep talking to you, which never ends well).

10. There is likewise no shame in crying, though it is best pursued as a solitary release. If you must cry, be sure to stick your face in cold water afterwards. Otherwise, you WILL look ridiculous and lumpy-faced tomorrow. It’s no good persuading yourself that you will look wan and heroic, because you won’t. You’ll have to explain to your coworkers that you watched a sad movie and cried, and admitting that it was Hot Rod will not advance your career one little bit.

11. Wow, it would be really great if you had a loving, furry pet right now, wouldn’t it? Try visualizing it. Or go to CuteOverload. Do it.

12. Come on now, how would your grandma feel if she saw you acting like this? Snap out of it!

13. Exorcism is probably not the answer, but who am I to judge?

I’m attaching two useful resources that I’ve created: