Kim Davis stole the headlines this week. The religious-right hero has all the markings of a perfect running mate, though Cruz, Huckabee and Carson might have to duke it out for her hand. While she advocated her equivalent of "Sharia law," Republican hopefuls scrambled to out-crazy each other. The winner this week? Carson and Huckabee are close contenders.

1. Man of science, Ben Carson, sees no evidence of global warming in California, nor racism in Ferguson.

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Dr. Ben Carson, running not exactly a close second to Donald Trump, but considerably ahead of 3rd place Ted Cruz, has been touring around lately, and has made some very astute observations on his travels. For instance, he noticed that he did not see any evidence of global warming while in California, where a historic drought and devastating forest fires are wreaking total havoc. But, man of science that he is—he separated Siamese twins, you know—Carson did not see it. And if he can’t see it, it must not be there. The heck with what the scientists say.

Similarly, while in Ferguson, Missouri, Carson did not see racism. Nevermind that whole Department of Justice Report detailing chronic, systemic racist policing in Ferguson. Research schmeesearch.

But Carson doesn’t see the problem as racism. He sees the problem as one of education and respect. “Education is the great divide,” Carson said. “Children need to understand that they have to get a good education.” And they must understand that, no matter how rotten their school is because they live in a community, like Ferguson, that has been starved of services, and education dollars. Okay kids? It’s on you, you little ingrates.

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Anyhow, the point is that Carson never had any trouble with the police, which proves to this man of science that there isn’t a problem with racism in policing.

2. Mike Huckabee demonstrates once again that there is something deeply wrong with him.

The Huckster has had a very busy week being completely batsh*t crazy. First, he practically got into fisticuffs with fellow right-wing Christian Ted Cruz, as they jostled to position themselves smack dab next to Kentucky’s celebrity scofflaw, gay-marriage refusenik, Kim Davis. So enamored with Davis’ cause of denying same-sex couples the marriage licenses they are lawfully entitled to that Huckabee offered to take her place in jail, coincidentally after she had been released. So no big risk there.

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Huckabee further demonstrated his confusion about how this whole Supreme Court thing works when he defended Kim Davis by saying that the Dred Scott decision is still the “law of the land.”

“I’ve been just drilled by TV hosts over the past week, ‘How dare you say that, uh, it’s not the law of the land?’” Huckabee said on Wednesday. “Because that’s their phrase, ‘it’s the law of the land.’ Michael, the Dred Scott decision of 1857 still remains to this day the law of the land which says that black people aren’t fully human. Does anybody still follow the Dred Scott Supreme Court decision?”

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Well, ummm, Mike, no. And that’s because, as most 7th graders could tell you, or maybe 5th graders, the terrible Dred Scott decision was, thankfully overturned by the Supreme Court about a century ago.

Finally, Huckabee made excellent use of airtime on Fox towards the end of the week by wondering aloud whether some of the refugees fleeing Syria, often at great peril, might be doing so to get cable TV. They should be vetted, he said.

“Are they just coming because they’ve got cable TV? I’m not trying to be trite. I just don’t know,” is what he said, actually.

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Yeah, really.

One Twitter user responded aptly with this:

@daveweigel Huckabee has a keen eye. These homes were obviously abandoned because they didn't have cable.

Click to enlarge.

Do we need any more evidence that aw-shucks Huck is basically a psychopath?

3. Trump clarifies that when he criticized Fiorina’s face, he wasn’t talking about her looks.

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When Donald Trump talks about women, he generally says something inappropriate, offensive or just plain creepy about their looks. He apparently can’t help himself, even, it seems, when he talks about his own daughter, who he said he might date if not for their familial relationship. (Not sure why he’s letting that stop him.) So naturally, when he talked about Carly Fiorina recently, as revealed in a new Rolling Stone profile, he intelligently dissected Fiorina’s policy prescriptions.

Hah! Just kidding.

Nope, according to the profile, Trump’s comments on Fiorina were slighty less trenchant. “Lookat that face!” he cries. “Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president?!” The laughter grows halting and faint behind him. “I mean, she’s a woman, and I’m not s’posedta say bad things, but really, folks, come on. Are we serious?”

The Donald's first play when those comments came to light this week was to deny he actually said them, and accuse the reporter of getting the story wrong, of course. Evetually, he came around to admitting he might have said those things, but it's fair because everyone makes fun of his hair.

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“Nobody does a story about, ‘Oh, isn’t that terrible, they criticized Donald Trump’s hair,’” he whined on Fox News.

The more he talked, the more he acknowledged that he had indeed said the words atrributed to him. But that’s okay fair because Carly Fiorina keeps saying mean things about him. “I’m a counterpuncher,” he said. And for the Donald, counter-punching with a woman means attacking her looks.

Finally, he just kept insisting that when he says the word “face,” he’s not really talking about appearance. What he really means is “persona.

His friends at Fox News totally bought that.

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4. Rick Perry torches Trump as he leaves the race, but still manages to be totally wrong and off-base.

It’s always fun when they eat their own, as a colleague said. Texas former Governor Rick Perry exited the presidential contest suddenly, but logically given his poll numbers, and as he did so he took a swipe at another candidate, who happens to be the frontrunner. Perry had not made his feelings about Donald Trump a secret, once labeling him a “cancer” on the party.

While speaking at an event in St. Louis, Missouri, Perry talked all about Trump, without actually mentioning his name:

"Demeaning people of Hispanic heritage is not just ignorant, it betrays the example of Christ," Perry said, according to his prepared remarks. "We can enforce our laws and our borders, and we can love all who live within our borders, without betraying our values."

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So, half right. Bad to demean Hispanics. Don’t need the example of Christ to realize that.

"It is time to elevate our debate from divisive name-calling, from sound bites without solutions, and start discussing how we will make the country better for all if a conservative is elected president," Perry said Friday.

That’s probably the real rub for Perry. Trump is not conservative enough. He’s just another one of them celebrities. "The conservative movement has always been about principles, not personalities. Our nominee should embody those principles. He — or she — must make the case for the cause of conservatism more than the cause of their own celebrity."

Okay, that started out fun, and ended up kind of tedious. So long, Governor Perry. Your sharp debating skills will be sorely missed.

5. Glenn Beck is having trouble sorting out his feelings about Sarah Palin.

Poor Glenn Beck. Emotionally, he’s all over the place. During a radio broadcast Thursday, he called Palin a “clown” and said he regretted ever having supported her, because now she supports Trump, and Beck doesn’t.

But he was so filled with remorse that he posted a rambling Facebook post about how deeply he regrets calling her that name.

We all have bad days and bad moments. Today was one of mine. I stand by all of my comments on Sarah Palin EXCEPT when I called her a clown. It was unkind, childish and wrong of me to name call. What I should have said is this: I don't know what she really believes. I don't think she is who I thought she was and haven't for sometime. When I saw her interview Donald Trump on her tv show I was stunned. Not that she interviewed him, but that she agreed with him and backs him. I have seen her speak many times about many topics and I just don't understand her. But I am sure she doesn't agree or understand me often as well.

His contrition went on for quite some time, even though the only thing he is really sorry for is using the word “clown.” It brought a tear to our eye; it really did.

Nothing sadder than when two clowns fight.