The other day, while hiking in the mountains, I came across a bearded man screaming things. But what would normally be a pretty dicey situation turned into something else entirely when the man patiently screamed at me that he was, in fact, God.

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"What a scoop!" I was heard to remark.

God explained to me that he was disappointed in the faults of man and had descended to rain untold damage upon us. "But God," I said calmly, "not all humans are wicked. Consider the good people at Cracked.com, who are constantly trying to give the people interesting facts about science and celebrities."

After a little more screaming, I realized that God was mainly angry about how people were ignoring the Ten Commandments he had once given Moses. I wondered aloud if this might be a problem of language and explained the importance of tailoring one's words to suit the needs of his audience. As the people of today have far different cultural experiences than the Hebrews of Moses' era, it stands to reason that they might find the words of the Ten Commandments confusing and hard to follow. A simple editing job might be all that is needed to pull our Commandment-obeying KPIs back out of the red.