The first thing is... a note! It says:

Kadmos,

First off, I'm sorry this gift is coming so late. Shipping it to my house took a long time and life caught up to me.

Second, as you can see from the label, I am from Ann Arbor, MI. So, right next door (practically). I couldn't think of anything from this area that I thought would make a good local gift for you. You seem like a funny guy, so I got you a funny gift.

With this gift, we become more than just strangers over the internet. We become bearded strangers over the internet.

I hope you like your gift. I have one and it makes everybody smile. And I'm sure you'll find use for it this winter.

(P.S. I have never claimed to be an artist)