Germany

Roman Lob – Standing Still Honesty is something I admire – what are we without truth? I believe it to be crucial that all within the Blue Alliance be honest not only to themselves but to each other too. Enter ideal Blue Alliance poster-child Roman Lob. His truth is simple: Roman is going to sing his song standing completely still. His honesty far exceeds the expectations held for my community. Roman is standing still. This is made clear not only by his inaction, but his insistence upon it. Stand on Roman. Your honesty is divine.

UK

Photograph: Ian Derry/BBC

Engelbert Humperdinck – Love Will Set You Free Your candidate has a lot of class! I can see it on his face and his knitted tie. You're lucky! He makes me think of an improbable mix between a kind of villainous TV show presenter and a quietened-down Dick Rivers. I read that Humperdinck has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. He must be a really good guy! He seems to love pins. I would love to invite him to Cochon Ville, he could distribute some Blue Alliance badges to the worshippers.

Russia

Photograph: Rtr

Buranovskiye Babushki – Party For Everybody They look like living Russian dolls, with their coloured dresses, outdated scarves and unmoving smiles. Most of all, you can see all the sizes. It could be a good souvenir from Moscow to bring back for some friends. They would make a small show, maybe singing their favourite songs and the littlest one would hide a bottle of vodka that she put down on the table just before leaving the place. It would be crazy!

France

Photograph: Paolo Zambaldi

Anggun – Echo (You And I) "What really counts and gives our life meaning is 'you and I'". That's her introduction. I think she's got it all down. It was the message of my previous album, Sexuality: the union of two humans is the root of life. It is a biblical message: Adam and Eve. Anggun and Sebastien are the modern version of them. In fact, they both ate the sinful apple of Eurovision … but my God doesn't punish that … because me, you see, I was the worm in the apple, so I'm forgiven. I really hope that Anggun will do well.

Ireland

Photograph: RTE

Jedward – Waterline I couldn't forget them! They make me think of those little Troll figurines we played with at the school playground in the 80s, but mixed up with the aliens of 1930s-era movies. You know, when the cardboard landscape was shaking every time the guy walked. So, an 80s influence with a 30s influence … it makes an average of 55, am I right? Also, I don't like people who are too self-confident …

AND HERE ARE SOME OF SEBASTIEN'S FAVOURITES THAT DIDN'T MAKE THE FINAL

The Netherlands

Netherlands Photograph: Nico Kroon

Joan Franka – You And Me Girls are crazy in this country! Moreover, Joan has a beautiful voice. Her song You And Me makes me think about a sweet western, where the Indians would join together around a fire, toasting marshmallows and drinking all kind of syrups throughout the night. She would play them her songs, watching each of them, gazing into their dark eyes.

Belarus

Photograph: Thomas Hanses

Litesound – We Are The Heroes The futurists' biker costumes put me in a Mad Max mood. The spiral mic stands are impressive. I like the concept of the customised mic stand. I see the mic as a sceptre pointed to my worshippers from the Blue Alliance, the great movement I have initiated. Snoop Dogg also has a customised mic, that's our main common point. As for these guys, the whole Belarusian scenic experience is contained inside them. You feel a real scenographique background, a balance of the elements. Visual serenity.

Montenegro

Rambo Amadeus – Euro Neuro I'm glad, because when I did the Eurovision, I felt there was a lack of fat guys. I was almost the only chubby guy, and it was embarrassing for me. I was feeling guilty guzzling down the backstage buffet. Rambo has a full figure and a fascinating attitude, the casual face of a padre. I imagine him being a godfather, or a security guard in a Casino. His best asset is his name: Amadeus Rambo. It's a symbol: he is a soldier of music virtuosity. He melds the rage of Stallone with the talent of Mozart, and I find it beautiful.

Slovenia

Photograph: Ziga Culiberg

Eva Boto – Verjamem I watch Eva's video and imagine a group of swans dancing on a glacial beach, coated in honey and sequins. No wait, what I wonder is who is the lovely hat woman who manages to steal the show from the Slovenian elf queen? Then I continue watching and see that lovely hat woman is not alone, that she has started a rival organisation to the Blue Alliance. There is a softness to this ivory sect, I'd like to believe they share our quest for spiritual transcendence. I foresee a singularity on the horizon, a swirl of blue and white.