First they came for the Hindus and I did not speak out because I was like ‘Yay partition – we will have our own country now’.Then they came for the Sikhs and I did not speak out because look at all the amazing houses they left behind when they moved to India.Then they came for the Bengalis and I did not speak out because they were so far away and I was always told they weren’t the best people.Then they came for the Muslims and I was like ‘aren’t they the people Pakistan was created for and I was told: no, no, these people are not Muslims like you and me’. I was okay as long as it wasn’t me.Then they came for me and I realised they just really like coming for people.Nobody spoke out for me because nobody was left to speak out for me; this is Pakistan, not Nazi Germany – we are a population of over 180 million and there will always be people. The reality is that there is nothing we hate more than population control – except maybe law and order.Our behaviour while stuck in traffic jams is indicative of our mentality – if I can run a red light and beat the traffic police in a drag race then I will never be stuck at a signal again. So what if changing my lane will cause a traffic jam? It will help me get home two seconds earlier and that is all I care about. That does not make me a part of a mob, it just makes me a smart person.But if truth be told, we are a mob. We are a mob on the roads, in our cars and at our homes. We are a mob even on Facebook – a woman decides to have chai at a dhaba? This is a matter of national concern; trolls from all over Pakistan must unite against this atrocity.It is fun being a mob since nobody wants to be alone. You see that other people are just as crazy as you and you don’t feel individually responsible for anything. Like when we were kids, we would tell our neighbours: I did not break your window Mrs Agha; it was every child who plays cricket on the streets in Pakistan who broke your window. And the parents would add: ab bacha hain toh cheezain toh torain gay na.So what if I am not a bacha anymore, my parents’ sound logic still holds true. I will accept no responsibility for my actions like they accepted no responsibility for theirs.Agents of Mars and Jupiter will try to influence you against the mobs but always remember that Pakistan has a special place for mobs and the country will be defended by mobs. We will kill anyone trying to tell the world that we are not peaceful. People who tarnish the image of Pakistan should be hanged publicly to show the world what a peaceful and tolerant nation we are.What would Pakistan even be without mobs? The police will do their job and the court could pass judgments without fear of their lives. Who wants to live in a world like that? I don’t want archaic ideas like law and order to curb my personal freedoms. Instead, I want to use archaic ideas like mob violence to curb other people’s freedoms.The mob will not be denied - tum kitnay mob maro gai, har ghar say mob niklay ga.People who think the two-nation theory was merely an ill-informed suggestion and not a scientific theory are the enemies of Pakistan. These are the people who rally against the mob violence. So if you are to get together and protest the mob, what does that make you?Ironic, isn’t it liberals? You have to be us to beat us. Either you die a liberal or you live long enough to see yourself become part of the mob.And if you do join the mob, please don’t hurt me. I was merely part of a group of people doing things. You cannot blame me for the actions of everyone. Where are your liberal ideas of individual responsibility and justice now?No? Those ideas do not apply for those who perpetuate violence? Well, in that case, I need to hide because the mob is coming. Looks like the mob is only fun when you are a part of it.This article is a work of satire.