I’ve said it before and I’ll probably say it 50 million more times before I pass into the ether shortly after my 89th birthday…marketing works on me. I see a package with the word “NEW!!!” emblazoned on it? And your friendly neighborhood jman’s interest is piqued. What can I say? At least I admit it. At least I’m aware of it. You just keep lying to yourself that marketing doesn’t work on you. Just keep lying to yourself.

Of course, I take a ton of shit for it within the walls of my family compound. The criticisms leveled at me range from semi-charming:

“There goes Dad again. Buying something new!”

To downright pissed off:

“Dad! Will you stop buying all this S’mores flavored stuff?”

“Why? Everyone loves S’mores!”

“Not S’mores flavored string beans!!!”

However, in my defense, if you don’t try new things how you gonna know if some thing’s good? If people didn’t try new things, we’d still be stuck in Europe sucking down cabbage water (not that there’s anything wrong with that. i guess)! I’m not in any way, shape or form saying I’m a visionary, but if the shoe fits…I’m wearing it.

mmmm…cabbage water.

Case in point. Herr’s snack foods recently put out a new flavored popcorn called, Fire-roasted Sweet Corn Popcorn. Now before I go any further, I gotta spit out this disclaimer: Herr’s HAS NOT given me dime one to talk about this snack product. I’m doing it on my own volition. However, if Herr’s (in their infinite wisdom) wants to send a truck to my house filled with snackages, I won’t be telling the driver of said truck to go fuck hisself.

So, yea…Fire Roasted Sweet Corn Popcorn (Not to be confused with the very confusingly named Fire Roasted Sweet Corn Potato Chips) are awesome. And of course, “my family” poo-pooed them when I brought them home. And some people that live in my house still put up the disgusted front. More for me, I say!

The boys, though? They’ve totally embraced the goodness. They’ve embraced that glue smelling, actual fire roasted sweet corn tasting goodness for what it’s worth. I don’t know what sort of magicians Herr’s is employing over at Herr’s R and D, but they’ve really got the flavoring down. However, they’ve got to back off on the flavor powder a bit. I hate getting that shit all over my fingers.

I bought a bag of the popcorn early in the summer because, yes, it was NEW! ( Spoiler alert. Sometimes you gotta trust your instincts, folks.) I knew I should’ve bought more than one bag, but I heard those voices in my head. The ones saying:

“Dad! Will you stop buying all this S’mores flavored stuff?”

“Why? Everyone loves S’mores!”

“Not S’mores flavored string beans!!!”

So, I only bought the one. I get it home, crack it open and find those popcorns are delightfully heavenly. So do Jethro and Jakob. And therein lies the rub. Cause, no sooner do I turn around, then those scion of mine inhale the only bag I bought. And, of course, when I finally make my way back to the store of purchase, there’s no more left.

All the Fire Roasted Sweet Corn Popcorn is gone.

Gone!

I spent the rest of the summer searching for those stupid popcorns; going store to store and finding nothing. Nothing but despair and disappointment.

In that desperation, I almost…almost…contacted Herr’s to see what the fuck was going on. But, as serendipity would have it, I found a display of the popcorns in some far off corner in my local supermarket a fortnight or so ago.

And I only bought 2 bags of them.

I know, right? Stupid. I went back the next day to buy more, cause…we kinda ate them all. But, they were out of them again! That’s how good these popcorns are. They sell out that fast.

No worries, though. Cause just the other day I was back at the previously unnamed supermarket and guess what? The display was full of the delightfully heavenly snackage. And this time? This time I was smart. This time I bought three bags.