Well wouldn’t ya even bloody know it. Despite what literally every conservative commentator and rag under the sun immediately foamed at the mouth over and ran with, it would appear that the incident in which Tony Abbott was allegedly headbutted in Hobart was not, in any way at all, motivated by the on-going same sex marriage debate.

As it turns out, the man charged over the incident did it reportedly because he simply did not like Tony Abbott and his many years of bad politics.

Wonders, folks. They never cease.

The 38-year-old man from North Hobart was granted conditional bail after being charged with common assault by Tasmania Police. After being booked, he spoke to The Mercury and explained his motivations behind the action, which funnily enough were not motivated by marriage equality, nor was he a campaigner for the Yes movement. Huh.

The quotes he provided to the Tasmanian paper are absolute barnburners, however. Cop this series of English words into you:

It was nothing really remotely to do with that. It’s just about Tony Abbott, the fucking worm that he is. All it was is I saw Tony Abbott and I’d had half a skinful and I wanted to nut the cunt. I want to divorce myself [from the same-sex marriage issue], not because I disagree with their stance, but this was nothing to do with that. That’s just my personal hatred.

He also explained that, while it was true he was wearing a pro-marriage equality sticker at the time, that was merely coincidental: “It was purely because a friend of mine had walked past handing them out and had stuck one on my jacket.”

The accused man’s account of the incident lines up with Abbott’s beyond that, with the unidentified man explaining the incident thusly:

I was like ‘Tony, Tony’, I kind of trotted up behind him. I trotted up behind him, ‘I just want to shake your hand’ and just went bang. Kind of missed it. Gave him a fat lip. He got off pretty lightly. He’s just lucky I’m not a violent cunt. I’m an anarchist, he’s an evil cunt.

Well there you go.

Now then, to sit back and take a nice big sip of piss while the apologies roll in from Andrew Bolt, Sharri Markson, Eric Abetz, practically every member of the Liberal Party, the majority of coverage in NewsCorp and in SkyNews, and even Tony Abbott himself roll in for unfairly taking this one isolated incident and trying to use it as ammo in their weird-ass culture wars before all the facts came to life.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting…