OITNB S4 E9 “Turn Table Turn” was about:

* Blanca’s backstory. She was working as a caregiver for a really verbally abusive and unrealistic lady without the use of her legs, fell for the gardener Diablo who was summarily fired by the old lady (for taking up too much of Blanca’s time). Blanca intentionally wakes the old lady up having loud sex with Diablo in the old ladies bedroom and glares definitely right at her throughout.

After the incident, the old woman seems terrified of Blanca and becomes totally compliant. This lets us know that Blanca isn’t one to be intimidated or bullied. Back at Litchfield, she launches a scheme to always smell bad so that the CO’s either choose not to frisk her or they have to frisk her at some discomfort. CO Stratman gives her an ultimatum insisting that she shower or face the consequences.

Blanca refuses, so he orders her to stand on one of the cafeteria tables and not sit down or leave until she agrees to bathe regularly again. The implication is that Blanca will not easily be moved.

* The fallout from the photo of Cindy and Judy King kissing. They claim that they had nothing to do with the photo getting out but Caputo doesn’t believe them. He ends up telling them both that they better be spending all of their time together or they will be in trouble (a very strange subplot, the administration is threatening to punish them if they aren’t romantic?).

In addition, because Cindy and Judy King are spending so much time together in Judy’s room, Yoga Jones starts to worry that they will steal all the swag that they got from Caputo. So, I guess that means Yoga Jones has gone from full-on anti-materialist all the way to materialist over a soda water maker and some food privileges. Okay?

* Sister Ingalls working to get herself thrown into SHU (Solitary) so that she can get proof that Sophia is being kept locked in solitary. The prison isn’t admitting that they have Sophia and because MCC is a private company, they aren’t subject to Freedom of Information Requests (as I mentioned last week, this is a real thing, private prison companies are often exempt from FOIA requirements).

Anyway, Sister Ingalls ends up punching Goria in the mouth in front of the entire cafeteria and gets herself sent to SHU. The scene where she is locked-in is exactly how it works. You have nothing, you are all alone, and you have nothing to do. It is intellectual and physical torture (you can’t see the sky or exercise etc.).

* Doggett telling Boo that she is having second thoughts about freezing out Donuts. Boo does not respond charitably, she says that if Doggett goes back to being nice to Donuts she will no longer be her friend. As a result, Doggett starts sitting with the Nazi's and the meth-heads again instead of with Boo.

* Nicky struggling with addiction. Red comes to talk to her and instead of lecturing her starts crying and begging for Nicky’s forgiveness for failing her and for failing Tricia (S1). Nicky is so moved that she comes to Red later and tells her she is ready to try to get clean again.

* Maritza setting the CO’s on Maria’s cousin (who has been picking up the panties). Maria confronts her and Maritza stands up for herself (ultimately telling Maria that she will accept a beat down but will not go back to running panties. Maria relents).

Unfortunately, CO Humps figured out Maritza’s game and he starts to reveal himself as a really sick human being. He takes Maritza into the house the prison provided for the CO”s, puts a gun to her head, and makes her choice to either eat a baby mouse or 10 flies (he overhead Maritza and Flaca joking about this scenario earlier in the cafeteria).

In other words, it turns out that CO Humphreys is a dangerous sadist.

* Aleida trying to deal with the fact that she will be released in just a few days and that she will be leaving her daughter Daya behind. She makes Gloria promise to look after Daya and make sure that she gets into no trouble.

* Piper and Vause debating over whether they should give CO Baley a hand job in order to get burgers from their favorite burger place (no seriously, this is how little imagination they have left for Piper and Vause...It was only a week ago Piper was being branded and now, domestic bliss again.

* Luschek rounding up all of the cell phones in Litchfield. He does a good job and Piscatella insults him for it (because Piscatella is a really awful human being).

Decarceration Nation

Sorry to interrupt the flow, but I have an announcement.

Have you ever wondered what I sound like? Well, this is your chance to find out.

As promised, the first episode of my criminal justice podcast “Decarceration Nation” is out.