5 Types of Idiot Drivers

I hate driving. I hate driving because of the people behind the wheel. I cannot go a day without facing one of these poor machine operators! I’m being serious. My opinion of drivers is so strong that it causes me anxiety. Ask my kids if they’ve ever heard me say, “now look at that nice driver. He steers so well, goes the speed limit, obeys the stop signs, and can actually parallel park.” It just doesn’t happen. Look, I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I don’t fit into any of the categories below. Here are 5 types of idiot drivers that would drive any average driver mad!

Idiot #1: New Rules Makers

These are scary idiots because they are so unpredictable. They are the “new rules makers (NRMs).” These drivers feel that they can make up their own rules while driving which confuses the hell out of me! For instance, I could be stopped at a stop sign and a car across the way wants to make a left hand turn. Instead of going by the legal rules of driving, the NRM proceeds to wave me to go, as if it’s my turn. So here’s the scary part — do you go or do you stay. Lots of hands start waving to go, including my own. Now since neither of us proceeded to drive, it makes sense that now we both try and go— at the same time. Follow the damn rules. Go if you are supposed to go, stop if you are supposed to wait. Don’t think that you are being nice!

Idiot #2: The Wrong-Way Parker

These ones cause me to have a mental breakdown for at least one full minute and my entire family knows it. They point out the idiots for me now. So here’s the scoop with parking: Park on the right side when driving in the right hand lane. This will make the car face forward, with the passenger seat on the right. This is exactly the same for the other side! You don’t park on the wrong side of the street facing bumper to bumper. If you do this, I judge you as one lazy jerk!

Idiot #3: The Stopper

These idiots are dangerous. They think they are in their own bubble of a world, unaware of their surroundings. You could honk at them and they wouldn’t even hear you or if they did, they wouldn’t have a clue about why they were getting honked out. These types of idiots can cause real problems including injury, as well as many screaming profanities! Why do you stop in the middle of the road? Why can’t you pull over to the side? Why are you even driving? These people need a second lesson or an Uber.

Idiot #4: The Space UN-invader

Look, these idiots are called idiots because they are just weird and cause for chaos. I’m not quite sure why they do what they do, but they are everywhere. So here’s how this one goes. I will just state it: When stopped at a light, make sure to pull up to the line. Not doing so can cause a delay in lights because the sensor will not sense the weight of the car, thus skipping the turn for that car. These idiots also wait 4 car lengths behind at any light…Don’t ever be friends with people like this. Just don’t.

Idiot #5: Rider on the Line

I think these idiots know exactly who they are. They are drivers that could care less about safety and more about their devices or other distractions in the car such as diabetes food selections or screaming imps. Yep, they know they are riding the line, but continue to do it, putting us all in danger. Feel the bumps — they are there for a reason, (insert curse word).

I could go on and on about all of the idiots driving around us, but I’d rather take a break from my rant. Promise yourself and others not to fall into the idiot category. It’s quite simple; Drive like you earned your license.