[AN: I wrote these first three chapters or whatever you want to call them on another Tumblr of mine like, weeks before the Josh Duggar scandal happened and then I stopped. And then like, idek what Tim Tebow is doing these days, playing baseball and whatever, so I’ve just not done anything with it since.]

As I wound a section of my butt-length hair around my curling iron, I looked at myself in the mirror. What was wrong with me? Why were my younger siblings Jill and Jessa married? How is it that i’m still alone? I let the curl down and started on another. John David, my twin brother was lucky. Sure, our parents don’t love him as much, but he could have a job, he was free to come and go as he pleased. I let out a sigh and started on another curl.

All of a sudden, my 5-year-old sister Josie burst through the door. Her blonde curls were a mess, her shirt was on backwards, she was only wearing one sock, and she was holding a wooden spoon she had no doubt stolen form the kitchen. She let out an unholy shriek and began to jump on the beds. I turned off the curling iron and went to pick her up off my dresser. Of course the task of caring for this… feral child had fallen to me, but after helping to raise 15 other siblings, I was beginning to feel a little burnt out. And it didn’t help that Josie was the youngest (and last) child. She absolutely received preferential treatment. She could probably get away with wearing a shorter skirt, or talking to a boy without a chaperone. Or murder, at the very least.

Not that I would ever say any of this out loud, at any point, to anyone. Our TV show is built around us being the perfect family, and the stress of being perfect was becoming a lot to bear. That’s mostly why I envied Jessa and Jill… they don’t have to film all the time, or cook for 20 people, or clean, or be around all these kids ALL. THE. TIME. Marriage seemed like the best way out. As much as I had other hopes and dreams beyond getting married and becoming a wife and mother, I knew there was no way I could ever act on them.

I began to fix Josie’s shirt and socks and hair. If anyone saw her running around looking like that, they’d probably ask me to clean her up anyways.



Watching TV, for example, or wearing a normal bathing suit. These are things that are absolutely out of the question… so there’s no way in heck that I’d ever be allowed to pursue my dreams of becoming a country singer in Nashville. We’ve always grown up around music, and the times when I was practicing the piano or violin were pretty much the only moments I ever got to myself when I was growing up, so I know I have something… I’d even be happy to fail in Nashville. It’s the fact that I know that I’ll never know that’s killing me. Plus, I’d get to dress up all cute… maybe even in jeans (shocker, I know) and be the center of attention for once. Instead of that betch… I mean buttface… Jessa always taking all the attention for being “so spirited”.

God, I’m going to hell. Why do I think these things???

I took Josie’s hand.

“Let’s go downstairs and see what everyone else is up to!” I told her with fake excitement in my voice.



As we descended the stairs, I saw my mom and dad talking at the kitchen counter. They looked up at me.

“Oh, Jana! We were just talkin’ about you!” My mom said.



“Oh, really?” I replied, unsure of what she meant. She sounded happy, but then again, when didn’t she?



“Yes, Daddy and I… Josie, run along… we have an idea we wanted to share with you,” she answered.



“Um, okay…” I had no idea where this was going, but I could only hope that it was positive. Was it so much to ask for her to tell me that I was totally absolved of all of my responsibilities here (which I never asked for, my the way) so that I could follow my dreams? Probably. But I’d hear her out anyways.