Leaks News: Amid the furore over Wikileaks’ revelatory ‘cables’, detailing potentially hundreds of thousands of uncomfortable truths about international diplomatic and internal, the website today attempted to pacify US anger in the only way it knows how – by releasing a few difficult truths about itself.

Thousands of classified documents, principally dealing with their founder and spokesperson, Julian Assange, were published on Wikileaks this morning. Among the most embarrassing personal disclosures are:

In 1994, Assange formed a gentlemen’s dinning club called The Hellfire Hilary Clinton Club. Members would hold wild dinners in secret locations, surrounded by pictures of Hilary Clinton. They ate what she ate. They wore what she wore.

He was detained in 2006 for allegedly being part of a pan-Australian crime syndicate, training dingos to steal babies from tourists for the purposes of securing substantial ransom money. It went awry when it was clear that dingos are not particularly good at either organised crime or stopping themselves from eating infant mammals.

In January 2007, Assange founds Wikileaks. He sends emails to dissidents around the world, promising that soon Hilary Clinton would know his name and be forced to take lengthy afternoon walks with him.

Assange has a third nipple, just to the left of his lower sternum, that he calls ‘Scaramanga 2.0’.

In Novermber 2009, Assange is caught by security guards leaving a present for Hilary Clinton on the doorstep of the White House at three in the morning. It’s a robot cat that answers to the name of ‘Bertie’.

In 2010, Assange pays for the Australian Ashes cricket team to seem rubbish to begin with, so that punters can cash in when nature takes its course and England fall to bits after two tests.

Elsewhere on the website, Assange vigorously denies all these assertions on the basis that ‘there is no truth without denial.’

‘Except that business about the dingo/baby thing,’ he continues, ‘that is true. And so is the part about the third nipple – Scaramanga! – and OK, yeah, the robot cat stuff as well.’