SCOTLAND’S second independence vote must happen in the window between Theresa May’s destruction of Britain and her sacking, Nicola Sturgeon has said.

The first minister told media that the exact scheduling is incredibly difficult, but that autumn next year currently looks about right.

She continued: “Post-Article 50, we’re expecting about six months while May continues to bluff boldly about EU negotiations while slowly realising exactly how much shit she’s in.

“Then we build momentum for independence as the economy collapses, the Tories turn on each other, the prime minister loses her majority and Jeremy Corbyn continues to make jam.

“That’s when we need to strike, while England’s an absolute hellhole but before May’s forced to resign and replaced by whichever luckless bawbag has to desperately offer concessions to the EU while the right-wingers rip them apart.

“We cannot wait until after Brexit. By that time the English will be so angry at how badly they’ve fucked themselves they’ll start a war with anyone.”