Women have all the best tools for masturbation. Guy's don't get anything, all we have to spice up making love to our hands is Vaseline.

But thankfully Vaseline is good enough to carry three different sizes which I appreciate. I'm on a budget.

But girl's have it all.

They have crotch rockets, vibrating panties, and they even have custom made vibrators like the one my Ex-Wife had.

She went out and got herself a 250 horsepower hot pink jackhammer.

It was 22 inches long with a two handle grip.

She had to mount it like a Harley.

And trust me, I knew that beast could replace me at any moment.

This power tool delivered an orgasm in 30 seconds...

I can't even last 5.

If I lasted 30 seconds I'd feel like Rocky Balboa.

I'd be running around the bed, my arms up in the air screaming " YO ADRIAN, I DID IT! "

All while she's just laying there all bored...hasn't even taken her panties off yet.

She'd ask me if I'm ready and I'd be like am I ready? Baby, I'm done.

Then, like always, out comes that big ass vibrator.

And every time she pulled that monster out and kick-started it I would get so mad I felt like screaming.

And I would've if I thought she could hear me over the engine...

Because, come on y'all, it's not my fault she couldn't keep up.

If she had wanted someone that could keep up with her she woulda got a girlfriend.

Which would have also solved her weight issues 'cuz, if you think about it, you don't really see that many fat Lesbians.