With half the world in lockdown due to Covid-19, we are all experiencing the agony of waiting, but there are techniques that make this state more bearable

Getting good at waiting: 'You want something that challenges you, but not too much'

Everyone’s saying it. We’ve arrived at a “new normal”. One in which elbows are our everyday heroes, enabling us to do things that our hands no longer can. Humans have become more like deer, flinching and jerking our heads every time someone near us coughs. A new normal in which everyone can measure 1.5 metres with a glance.

Waiting is a huge part of this new normal. The world is waiting for the coronavirus to pass so we can dial down the fear and start seeing our family, friends and colleagues again, in person. People are waiting for news of certainty about their jobs, and about the health of their loved ones. Countless people are waiting to move beyond the confines of their homes, while many others are waiting to just get back to theirs.

Waiting is tough at the best of times. In the midst of the Covid-19 pandemic, the exercise of having to wait seems all the more daunting.

“These kinds of periods involve a really problematic combination of not knowing what’s coming – uncertainty – and not being able to do much about it – lack of control. Those are both pretty uncomfortable states for us,” says Kate Sweeny, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside and principal investigator at Life Events Lab.

“From an evolutionary perspective, if you don’t know what’s coming or you can’t do anything about what’s coming, in both cases that’s a pretty dangerous situation ... we are wired to be uncomfortable in those situations and be motivated to find ways to resolve our uncertainty or regain control. When we can’t do that, it’s very challenging,” she says.

Sweeny has co-authored numerous research papers on navigating uncertain waiting periods. This includes an article that is soon to be published, for which her team studied the effects of mindfulness and flow on the wellbeing of quarantined residents in Wuhan, China in February 2020.

The results were consistent with their past research, and showed that both mindfulness and flow are solid approaches to beating the stress of uncertain periods.

“I’m aware of the PR problem that mindfulness has right now,” Sweeny says. “But having said that, I do think it’s really custom-made for periods of uncertainty when your mind is racing, you’re dealing with a lot of uncontrollable thoughts, you’re thinking a lot about the future, maybe thinking back to how life used to be … Mindfulness is really about turning down the volume on those thoughts, not letting them take you away, and really appreciating what is in the present moment. In a tough moment like this, that’s hard, but mindfulness teaches you to accept that and process it without judgment.”

If you’ve tried and failed at meditation, the good news is that Sweeny and team have found another approach that has yielded positive results: flow states. “Flow states are the feeling you get when you’re doing an activity that is completely captivating of your attention,” says Sweeny.

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Video games that get harder as you improve, reward you when you’re doing well and let you know when you’re doing poorly, are a good example. And they don’t have to be complex games. In their studies, Sweeny and her researchers have found that even Tetris has proven effective in helping people achieve a flow state.

The same can be said of gardening, exercises of various sorts, learning another language and other hobbies you’re trying to get better at. For some people, even cleaning the house can help them enter a flow state.

Fortunately for those who have a whole household of people waiting with them, flow activities can be done collectively – for example through backyard sports or board games that are not only fun but difficult too.

“What you want with a flow activity is something that challenges you, but not too much, and you’re getting feedback on your progress ... we know this really helps to make the experience [of waiting] more tolerable.” She suggests a good test of whether something can bring you into a flow state is if “it’s the kind of activity you can’t do if you’ve got to leave the house in 15 minutes, because you know you will just completely lose track of time”.

If you think you’ve got your anxiety sorted with a steady diet of television, it might be worth reassessing. Sweeny says that watching movies and reading books can be a positive way to pass the time if your mind is clear, you’re calm and able to become completely absorbed. But chances are, if you’re struggling with anxiety or worry, books and films might not be enough to quieten those voices.

In contrast, activities like assembling an elaborate puzzle or getting engaged in some kind of work project are more likely to settle even the noisiest minds quite effectively.

While mindfulness and flow are skills we can work on, there are other factors that can affect our wellbeing during a period of waiting. People who have a lot of social support tend to fare better. According to Sweeny, “someone who has a very busy schedule might actually be a bit better at waiting than someone who is left with very little else to do but worry”.

So when you’re done with your video calls and ticking things off your to-do list (now is a good time to start using one, if you haven’t already), keep chasing flow. Sign up to a bunch of online courses that interest you, cook something complicated or build a Lego castle. Find something you can use your hands for – it’s time your elbows had a break.