Is it weird to feel postcoital at work? The reason I ask is that I’ve just handed in my notice and my emotions range from tired to sad and anxious to agitated; the initial excitement seems to have dissipated. It does feel like a bit of an anticlimax, to be honest. I’d built this day up so much in my mind – discussing endlessly with my wife and family the feasibility of me leaving my job to bring up the children – but now I’ve actually done it, I feel a strange sense of ennui. Have I made the right decision? Will we be able to survive financially? Do I even know how to be a proper parent? I guess I’ll soon find out.

A cop out and a doddle

The concept of being a stay-at-home dad might seem like a dream, or simply an easy way out, depending on your point of view. I must admit, before having children, I’d known a couple of friends and work colleagues who had left their jobs to become full-time parents and I'd been insanely envious – what a cakewalk, right? It’s just like working from home every day but without the inconvenient "working" part. Being inherently lazy myself, this seemed like an easy way out of the drudgery and pain of the nine-to-five. Read more: Everything you need to know about shared parental leave

However, the truth's a bit different. For example, my wife went away to New York on business for five days last month, leaving me holding the baby, quite literally. Without the calming presence of my mother-in-law, who thankfully was on hand the whole time, I would have lost my mind. When one child started screaming, the other soon followed, and that cacophony is specifically designed to drive you to an early grave. This will be no walk in the park. In fact, the easier option is to stay at work.

Can I retrain at 43?

Aside from childcare costs and the desire to spend quality time with my children, it was the decision by my wife to strike out alone as a publicist late last year that really forced the issue. The good news is that she’s signing clients thick and fast, but the flipside is that her workload will soon be unsustainable, if it isn’t already. My leaving work not only means we can stop stressing about childcare, but also facilitates her being able to arrange meetings and pitch for new business. I will also be available to help my wife with essential admin, such as invoicing and finding office space, stuff that she has no interest in or isn’t particularly adept at. You never know, I could be escorting celebrities on the red carpet by the end of the year. That's if I can get my head around the tasks at hand.

Career? What career?

The naysayers will obviously question the wisdom in chucking away a decent career in favour of rotting away on the sofa, watching endless episodes of Peppa Pig with children too young to even have a decent conversation with. Personally, I’ve never really bought into the concept of a career anyway. When you study performing arts at university, like I did, and then pin all your hopes on a career in music for 15 years (only admitting defeat having played your umpteenth gig in an empty pub, all your life savings spent) you’ve kind of accepted that you’re never going to be the CEO of a blue chip company. My wife is far better at her job than I’ll ever be, and has the potential to make much more money than I could, so it makes sense for her to win the bread. Besides, if this isn’t a great opportunity to push my daddy blog, I don’t know what is.

Costly childcare

It’s no secret that childcare is cripplingly expensive. We’ve been trying to scrimp and save by only giving our 18-month-old daughter to a nanny three days a week, with me covering the gaps with holiday days or trying to work from home. Read more: AA Gill on parenting styles

We tell people it’s because we don’t want our daughter spending so much time without her parents, but it’s really because it costs a fortune and we’re trying to cut corners. The truth is, it doesn’t work. Now there’s a second daughter on the scene, who’s only a few months old. Our existing childcare model is getting silly, and it’s highly probable that my wife is going to either kill me, kill our children, kill herself, or kill us all if this carries on much longer.

'Well, I’m just a modern guy'

Being the narcissist that I am, I’m well aware that there’s a certain amount of kudos in being a stay-at-home dad. It shows that I’m not tied to outdated gender roles and spending my days putting bikinis on a Barbie means I’ll be fully in touch with my feminine side. However, I think it’s imperative that I’m around for both my daughters' upbringing because my father was never around for mine. Being raised in a one-parent family means I want stability for my own children and I want to be there for the landmarks, such as when they say their first word or do their first shit in a potty rather than on the stairs.

So it’s the beginning of a great adventure. I might well be breaking away from the shackles of the rat race, but at what cost? Will I lose my mind? Will I be able to get any freelance work? And even if I do, will I actually get the time to do it? All these anxieties aside, I feel incredibly lucky to be in the position where I can be with my children at such a pivotal time in their lives. But I’m under no illusions; I might be knocking on my employer's door in a few months' time. Stay tuned to see how it plays out...

Robin Sherwood blogs about fatherhood via Dandy Dad