Darryn Lyons, the Liberal mayor of Geelong, has built his entire career on tasteless public displays. The architect’s son from suburban Leopold, who earned his reputation as a war photographer in Bosnia and then monetised it as a relentless paparazzo in London, has styled himself with loud suits and colourful mohawks into some kind of rainbow-vomit uber-bogan.



He made a fortune trashing the privacy of others, and indulged his fortune with trash. The likes of Sienna Miller, Lily Allen, Hugh Grant, Liz Hurley and JK Rowling took legal action against his paparazzi company for harassment and invasion of privacy – Rowling winning an injunction to prevent paparazzi following her infant son.

Lyons purchased Rod Stewart’s Lamborghini, a string of properties, polo ponies, yachts and large chunks of his hometown. There were booze-fuelled, costly benders and then another bender, for appearances’ sake, on reality television.



Facebook Twitter Pinterest Geelong mayor Darryn Lyons wears the t-shirt in question. Photograph: Channel 9

Now he’s made headlines again by wearing a t-shirt depicting Madonna nude with the slogan “Gas, grass or ass, no one rides for free”. The mayor. Of a city of 221,500 people.

Lyons has protested that “I didn’t realise what was written on the logo on the T-shirt,” which he wore splashed across his stomach at a local beer festival of which he was a private backer. His fellow councillors have nevertheless demanded his resignation for demeaning the reputation of their city.

“I probably have regret about chucking it on,” he told 3AW on Monday, following up with a Tuesday morning appearance on Sunrise:

Sunrise (@sunriseon7) Geelong Mayor @DarrynLyons "It was a completely innocent mistake! I apologise to everyone!" #sun7

He deserves his colleagues’ consternation; the image is both revoltingly sexist and knocks off an iconic photograph of Madonna – Madonna! – in an unforgivably kitsch way.

It’s concerning that as a person of influence he wears sexist t-shirts, refers to sex-workers as “hookers” and thinks its appropriate to post to Twitter photos of his partner wrapped up in newspaper like a bon-bon.

Sunrise (@sunriseon7) "I love women. I employ more women than I do men!" Geelong Mayor @DarrynLyons

Then again, perhaps we can’t expect too much. During his appearance on Celebrity Big Brother 5 he debuted a startling liposuction of his stomach in a process he described as “contouring”.

Perhaps we can’t expect too much; Lyons’ transformation into a giant flesh lobster is his own business. But since he became mayor of Geelong in 2013, the ugliness of what he chooses to spend money on has more serious implications – because Geelong has been in trouble for a while.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Giant flesh lobster: Darryn Lyons described his “contouring” as “like a male boob job”. Photograph: Enterprise News and Pictures

It’s disgraceful that while he’s spent thousands of taxpayer dollars on a massive billboard at the entrance to town, featuring his face and personal slogan of “Giddy up”, the local Meals on Wheels service has had its funding cut.

Two years into the job, Lyons has failed to sort out Geelong’s high debt and is talking about “tough budgets”. But he did find hundreds of thousands of dollars in 2014 to spend on the construction, assembly and storage of a floating 25-metre high steel-and-LED Christmas tree – which overran even its initial budget and has now cost the city millions.

The Christmas tree has become symbolic of the Lyons mayoral experiment; his office claims the tree attracted 250,000 visitors last year but “the legal and commercial-in-confidence matters relating to the tree must remain confidential”, a council spokesperson said in August.

All this would be a bit of fun if Geelong wasn’t in such serious trouble. One can see the electoral appeal of a mohawked demi-celebrity to a town losing major employers with the closure of the Alcoa aluminium factory, the Ford manufacturing plant and the Qantas maintenance facility, as well as significant losses from a cut Boral Cement shed and Target’s Geelong headquarters.

Geelong mayor Darryn Lyons urged to resign over naked Madonna T-shirt Read more

But for all his talk of “vision, passion and change”, beer festivals and Ferrari races, Lyons hasn’t actually implemented a coherent strategy to bring opportunities to the town. Instead, the state government was left to establish a planning committee to override his local authority and resolve a longstanding planning deadlock, a move the mayor reportedly welcomed.

Lyons’ man-of-the-people image just doesn’t stand up. It’s not that he doesn’t have the heritage of an authentic bogan; boganism is a broad church. As long as your accent stays firmly in your nose, you can be cashed-up or povvo, left or right, wear whatever you like and accept the consequences.

The one thing you cannot be is up yourself. And, Darryn, mate, that is you.