You know what’s funny about Andy Rooney, the 800-year-old curmudgeon on CBS’ 60 Minutes? Me neither.

Last week, Rooney brought his cantankerous disposition and lame attempts at humor to the world of travel in a column for Albany’s Times Union. In the article, Rooney states that he’d like to “mount a campaign once again to encourage people not to go anywhere.” Because travel is still “so expensive,” Rooney writes, “people ought to stay home.”

Actually, Andy, travel is probably cheaper than it’s ever been. But why clutter your incoherent, off-the-top-of-your-head ramblings with facts?

“Is everything done around your house?” Rooney asks, wondering why people can’t substitute housework for their vacations. “If you don’t like it, sell it, otherwise stick around on vacation and take your pleasure doing the things that need to be done.”

I couldn’t agree more. Improving your home is basically the most important thing you can do (anywhere, ever), and cleaning your gutters and painting your house is just as satisfying as lazing on some beautiful white-sand beach. Life is not to be enjoyed!

Check out the rest of Rooney’s unintentionally hilarious article here. (HT: World Hum, which calls Rooney’s article “the most mailed-in column about travel ever published.”)