Before you get all angry thinking I'm taking away one of your favorite sex toys, hear me out.

Whenever I tell women I coach to break up with their vibrator, they look at me like I'm asking them to stop playing with the greatest toy that's ever been invented.

They act like a little kid who had their Big Wheel, Lite-Brite, or one of their favorite stuffed animals — maybe Tickle Me Elmo — taken away from them. Before you assume this is just a woman-only thing, I tell the same thing to men: STOP the chronic masturbation!

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I'll tell you why.

I was recently talking to one of my female friends. She can't orgasm AT ALL by herself unless she has Mr. Vibrator do the magic dance on her clitoris. So, if she can't bring herself to orgasm, a man can go down there — camp out, bring marshmallows, s'mores, and tell ghost stories — and not even a moan will escape her lips.

She's too caught up in her head. She's too addicted to a vibrator. My friend's reasoning was that vibrators are a quick, fun, and painless way to orgasm.

I looked at her and asked, "Do you masturbate with your hand?"

"No, it takes too long."

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A-ha! There it is. How many of you desire orgasms with men, but can't have it when a man goes down on you, yet you can orgasm with the vibrator? Raise your hand right now.

Here's the deal: All orgasms start the same. Orgasms are in your head, not in your body. You can orgasm, but you need to teach yourself how to orgasm first.

You need to start masturbating with your hands and wean yourself off the vibrator. Get yourself wet, play with yourself, and explore every little inch of your vagina.

You need to know how it feels to rub your clit in a certain direction, how it feels to rub your clit fast, slow, or however feels enjoyable. Do this and experiment on a regular basis, that way you can enjoy sex with an actual real, live man. And that's the whole point: enjoying sex with another person.

For those of you who are addicted to vibrators, I want you to become non-vibrator-dependent. I want you to spend some good alone time, just you, your fingers, your hand, and your imagination.

It's time to create true intimacy again between you and your own body, and between you and your lover.



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Once you train your body to orgasm differently, then bring the vibrator back (or, better yet, get rid of it altogether). But for now, I want you to start teaching yourself how to come. Men everywhere applaud your efforts.

This article was originally published at David Wygant for Women . Reprinted with permission from the author.