How can parents best protect their kids in a post-Nassar world? The experts say the best approach is proactivity instead of fear

The scourge of child sexual abuse and its proximity to youth sports captured headlines throughout the decade. From ex-Penn State football coach Jerry Sandusky’s abuse of young boys on campus facilities to Michigan State and USA Gymnastics’ cover-up of Dr Larry Nassar’s preying on teenage gymnasts to allegations of a similar cover-up in USA Swimming, a series of explosive scandals revealed the horrors of sexual abuse and the lengths that institutions will go to smother the allegations.

The graphic testimonies detailing the scope of abuse and attempts to shield the abusers would rightfully terrify any parent. The US passed the Safe Sport Authorization Act of 2017, but legislation is ultimately only as effective as its enforcement. So how can parents assuage their fears of unknowingly sending their child out to a potential abuser? And how can they feel comfortable talking to their children about such a challenging topic?

Talk to Dr Anita Raj, professor of developmental psychology at of University of California, San Diego, and Ebony Tucker, executive director at Raliance, a national partnership dedicated to ending sexual violence, and the answer is proactivity instead of fear. Raj was one of the authors who partnered with Tucker and Raliance to author Sport and Sexual Violence Prevention, a detailed guide on the problem of sexual abuse in sports and how to fight it in the future.

Talk to your children about their own bodies

What may seem like a simple instruction for parents is one that many parents find hardest to confront. By neglecting that conversation, Tucker argues, a child’s understanding of appropriate behavior will suffer. The natural discomfort of talking to children about human sexuality puts kids at greater risk of a harmful or confusing initial exposure (ie pornography, explicit images provided by another child) and worsens misunderstandings about healthy and considerate sexual behavior. As a result, Tucker suggests a careful conversation between parents and their children about their own bodies, what constitutes appropriate and inappropriate touching and to be unafraid of speaking up if they feel uncomfortable.

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“Ultimately, it’s important to create a space where children can feel safe,” Tucker says. “That comes when we teach children how to have better body autonomy and how to say no to adults. For coaches, going through prevention education and learning what’s appropriate to create better body autonomy for children will help prevent these kinds of crimes.”

Tucker is sure to note that teaching appropriate interactions can differ by culture and geography, but that it is essential to help children understand their bodies even from a young age.

Be proactive in your children’s activities and educate yourself

The rise of the #MeToo movement and exposure of scandals like Michigan State and USA Swimming can make any parent weary about entrusting their children to other adults for hours at a time. Tucker argues that mere distrust of coaches and institutions, however, isn’t helping the child or solving the problem.

Instead, Tucker says, it’s incumbent upon parents to know who is coaching their children, whether that coach understands the limits of physical interactions with the age group he or she is overseeing and if every coach involved is similarly knowledgeable of appropriate and inappropriate conduct. It is every bit as important for the parent to educate themselves on how to best protect their child and be receptive to community outreach about the topic. Hiding the existence of sexual violence from a child, Tucker argues, worsens the problem.

The passage of the Safe Sport Authorization Act of 2017 required Olympic governing bodies and amateur sports organizations to immediately report sex-abuse allegations to federal or local law enforcement or a child-welfare agency designated by the Justice Department. Tucker and Raj agree that while major legislation is helpful, it is not a solution. They also indicate that the legislation is helpful in understanding the keys to identifying any troubling patterns and how to properly report allegations.

Be vigilant, but not afraid

Raj encourages parents to think of the problems of sexual abuse in youth sports as part of the greater existence of sexual violence in society. The likelihood of a child suffering abuse by a recreational coach, while terrifying in theory, is ultimately very low. The risk increases when the sports become more competitive, coaches spend more time with the athletes and children feel discouraged from reporting misconduct out of fear of harming their status or playing time.

Raj’s research reflects the growing consensus that sexual violence is more often perpetrated by somebody a survivor trusts instead of a stranger. Protracted sexual abuse in sports is more common in cases like Olympic judo champion Kayla Harrison, who was abused by her coach for years as a teenager, than in recreational youth sports.

Raj encourages parents to consider the cyclical nature of sexual violence – powerful institutions that shield abusers and environments that discourage whistleblowing – instead of fearing that a random adult will abuse their child. She echoes Tucker’s point that healthy conversations with children about their bodies, however uncomfortable they may be for the parents, is key to helping them understand appropriate sexual contact and to protect them from superiors as well as peers.

Sports are positive social activities

Raj jokes that she couldn’t tell you how many games are in the World Series or when the NBA finals take place, but she sees sports as a healthy social environment that can help children and teenagers understand a problem as complex as sexual violence. The social nature of athletics – whether in a team or individual environment – help form positive bonds between young people. In turn, a survivor will more likely gain the trust of a confidant and feel safer to discuss an assault that they have suffered.

The lessons from Raj and Tucker are not to be afraid that a child is at risk when sending them out to play sports. Educating them and educating yourself about reality and best practices will ultimately be the best protection that a parent can provide.