As two former Sonics fans, we’ve made it through three years without NBA basketball — think of us as seniors in the College of NBA-Less Winters. And we want to give you first-semester freshpersons a few tips.



Invest in NHL Direct Ice Access uh Ticket. (Are we close?) You can even choose a team to follow — we picked the Atlanta Thrashers.

The best thing about the NBA season is Charles Barkley and the playoffs. Your team had no chance in the playoffs, and you don’t need to worry about missing Charles Barkley. He does at least 47 sports talk radio appearances a day.

You’ll find that the fast-paced, frenetic style of college basketball is as entertaining during the regular season as it is during March Madness. There’s also high school — where a courtside seat can be had for the price of lunch instead for the price of your first car.

All of that energy you spent complaining about your team’s defensive sets and substitution patterns can be expressed in different ways. For example: Did you know that taxes are too high, traffic is only getting worse, corporations run this country, and people are always on their phones?

If you miss the deadpan humor of Jeff Van Gundy, check out his imitator, Larry David.

Not having an NBA fantasy draft gave us more time to focus on our CONCACAF Champions League fantasy team. Picking Alajuelense’s Pablo Antonio Gabas in Round 5 was a steal.

Enroll as an undergrad at Arizona State University. We haven’t tried this, but it just seems like a really good idea and there are endless ways to distract yourself, most involving foam.

With the 200 hours you’d normally spend watching an 82-game regular season, you could watch the complete series of The Wire, Deadwood, and The West Wing. By the end, you’ll be an expert on drug dealing, gold mining, and politics, which are probably the only ways you’re likely to make any money in this economy.

Go do things. Meet your neighbor, volunteer, drive into the country and see the stars, get to really know your parents, go all out for that promotion, achieve, live, dream OH WHO ARE WE KIDDING, WE MISS THE NBA SO MUCH.

What did we forget? E-mail us at triangle@grantland.com.

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