A work in progress, spawned via the bored pondering of “where the hell do kobolds actually come from?” during a uni lecture.

Things “branched” out from there, har-har, and now we have this sprawling mess of socio-biological misdemeanor.

The idea of some D&D equivalent to Charles Darwin figuring out this colossal mess of a gene pool really tickles my funny bones.

Disclaimer:

All in all its about 80% personal headcanon, 20% WotC confirmed and approved, with a dash of poorly applied Latin for authenticity and flavor. A-level biology didn’t go completely to waste at least.



Looks like I’ve got some explaining to do anyways:

Humans always seem to breed with everything and anything in nearly every classic styled fantasy literature, and lets face it, its a pretty

accurate interpretation of human sexuality. Captain kirk would be proud





always seem to breed with everything and anything in nearly every classic styled fantasy literature, and lets face it, its a pretty accurate interpretation of human sexuality. Captain kirk would be proud Dragonborn come from goddamned nowhere in 4th edition, and they didn’t fix it too much in 5th, so I went and fixed that. Human + Dragon = Half human/dragon thing. Dragons can polymorph into humans sometimes because magic, don’t think too hard about it.





come from goddamned nowhere in 4th edition, and they didn’t fix it too much in 5th, so I went and fixed that. Human + Dragon = Half human/dragon thing. Dragons can polymorph into humans sometimes because magic, don’t think too hard about it. Now, where do the titular kobolds come from? I had an amusing theory that if a dragonborn and a dragon had children, they’d be kobolds. the complete opposite to their super-powerful and slow-breeding parents. why? Because magic/genetics/science/narrative causality/etc.



In the end you have super-breeding weaklings who have to survive with their reptile cunning and sheer numbers. It’d go some way as to why they worship dragons methinks besides the whole psychology of what-they-cannot-be angle.





come from? I had an amusing theory that if a dragonborn and a dragon had children, they’d be kobolds. the complete opposite to their super-powerful and slow-breeding parents. why? Because magic/genetics/science/narrative causality/etc. In the end you have super-breeding weaklings who have to survive with their reptile cunning and sheer numbers. It’d go some way as to why they worship dragons methinks besides the whole psychology of what-they-cannot-be angle. Whats this dealio with the gnomes and the halflings then? Welp, I always found the presence of pure hobbi- I mean halflings in D&D a little forced or pointless. we already have gnomes as the underhill dwelling cheerful short buggers, why do we need halflings if only to collect all the Tolkien special tropes?



I fixed this by making halflings the result of Gnome and Human parents. they’re about halfway between in height, and behavior, so it makes sense to me.





and the then? Welp, I always found the presence of pure hobbi- I mean halflings in D&D a little forced or pointless. we already have gnomes as the underhill dwelling cheerful short buggers, why do we need halflings if only to collect all the Tolkien special tropes? I fixed this by making halflings the result of Gnome and Human parents. they’re about halfway between in height, and behavior, so it makes sense to me. Classic Half-elves, Half-Dorfs and half orcs are still here in their true form, that’s all Gygax’s doing.





and are still here in their true form, that’s all Gygax’s doing. Tieflings are about the same, only they can come about via contracting rather than regular means as well.





are about the same, only they can come about via contracting rather than regular means as well. Angels/celestials work about the same as tieflings, just from the opposite planar direction.





work about the same as tieflings, just from the opposite planar direction. Plane Pilgrims are an entirely new terminology I wracked my head for to describe the unlikely combination of a tiefling/half-celestial offspring. Shit goes into mary-sue territory here if you’re not careful.





are an entirely new terminology I wracked my head for to describe the unlikely combination of a tiefling/half-celestial offspring. Shit goes into mary-sue territory here if you’re not careful. and finally, demigods. If Greek mythology has taught me anything, its that there’s nothing Zeus won’t do for a bit o’ mortal booty. Showers of golden rain and geese indeed.

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Like I said, this being a work in progress and all, I’ve still a fair bit to add to it, but right now I’m chuffed with it as is. useful for planning campaigns and whatnot in my own personal ‘verse, and satiating my scientific curiosity for where things come from. Feel free to use it yourself and modify as needed, god knows I will.