My dear Bolsheviki, two time before, I, VI Lenin — not to confuse please character book by religious fanatic author Leo Tolstoy — have rousted sleep mausoleum Red Square. Death of Ivan Ilyich made up novel to confuse masses for capitalist profit. Death of Vladimir Ilyich very real, alas.

Anyway, I thought two enough but event continue interrupt deserved rest legendary revolutionary genius with great mind preserved formaldehyde. (Don’t mean brag, but fact fact. They have slice like prosciutto Moscow Brain Institute.)

Okay, turn out Comrade Mueller big failure. Pretend otherwise but that truth. Find no evidence Donald Trump work with KGB or even money-changer Gorky Park. If Comrade Beria alive he could manufacture. But no matter. Maybe things better with prepyatstviye pravosudiyu (obstruction justice). We see. Comrade Nadler do pretty good job but someone buy him new suit. Still wear baggy clothes from when look like rusted tank Afghanistan War. Anyway, not so important. He and Comrade Schiff make up many story Trump for next two year, leak to New York Time and Brian Stelter. Democrats win election. Bolsheviki win election. (Same thing, right, tovarishes?)

Until most stupid man planet Senator Bernie whatever middle name Sanders open mouth. And I thought this Swalwell biggest fool America.

This Bernie say he demokraticheskiye sotsialisty. Of course lie, but so what? Been communist since age 9 or my name not VI Lenin. Love Mao, love Pol Pot, love Castro more than mother (have picture Che in wallet and under pillow), love Chavez, love this Maduro more fat than Brezhnev who now cause more trouble than worth, go to Soviet Union for wedding and dance around with no shirt singing dumb folk song from twenties, even look like lost brother Pete Seeger. Make fool of self in general. And I not even look Wayback machine.

He even say “breadlines” good. What is wrong with person? Everyone know — you want to win as revolutionary, go undercover. Win election as “democratic” socialist, then declare martial law. Like Comrade Erdoğan.

But okay. Bernie finally do something right — tell Harvard girl from town hall with parents who run away Russia he against so-called cruel Soviet state. No one believe, but again so what?

But then he make mistake like pridurok (that imbecile in Russian). Say terrorist with crazy brother Chechnya who murder people Boston race should vote U.S. election! (Not even Rolling Stone that dumb!) Then rapist vote too. Maybe serial killer, child molester. Who know?

How stupid that? First, everyone think he bolvan (that mean numbskull) but worse. What is matter with man after sixty year reading under blanket all message young communist league training school direct from summer camp Crimea? He learn nothing? He absolutely forget most important advice Comrade Stalin (yes, Stalin make many error but this true): It not who make vote that count. It who count vote.

Your Kennedy family know. And your Mayor Daley, rest his soul, Kremlin Wall between Marshall Zhukov and Yuri Gagarin. What wrong with this idioty from Vermont? Cold weather Siberia make other religious fanatic author Solzhenitsyn smart. Can tell lie about Gulag thousand pages. Same weather give Sanders lobotomy.

Anyway, Bolsheviki never give up. We have better candidate cretin Bernie. Man from Indiana I complain before nobody pronounce name. My mistake. Maybe that good. Stay more undercover that way. Lie about everything, then….

Back to sleep, tovarishes.

Vladimir Lenin was a great revolutionary leader now deceased… or is he?