No Kiddin’, I Been Did It

Okay, okay, okay.

So I’ve been holding steady at 294 for about a week now, and I think it’s safe to say I’ve broken 300lbs for the first time in my adult life. You can applaud if you like, my back and ankles are loving me right now, and the extra inches on my junk are very pleasing to my girlfriend Ol’ Lefty.

And look, I know I’ve been saying I’m going to come out of hibernation and be more active and blah blah blah, and I am. It’s not like I haven’t been on Tumblr at all, I mean my porn blog has over 1600 followers, which kinda blows my mind. The thing is I’m in the middle of some shit, and it’s easier to use Archive Poster and set up a queue to reblog vaginas than it is to sit down and make a daily journal entry when your moods shift like a manic depressive alternating quaaludes and Adderal. I’m in the middle of moving. My family and I have rented a place and we’re in the process of packing up the last 20 years of our lives and there’s tearful goodbyes to neighbors and friends and trying to figure out what to do with the fucking neighborhood cat and between me being sick and them being out until 10 or 11 at night every night working, it’s been a long intense process. And in the middle of all this shit we’ve got a lawyer who wants us to sue the shit out of JP Morgan Chase because we fall under the MERS litigation thing and there’s a massive tort case a-brewin’ and we could wind up keeping our house free and clear, but we’ve already paid the deposit and signed a one-year lease at the other place and - well, there you have it.

So shit’s hectic. Thank you again to all those who have stuck it out waiting with baited breath and moist panties for my return. I have taken pictures recently. I may post them. I may not because I’m really starting to look like a melted candle and it’s disgusting, honestly. But if there’s enough support for me doing so I will. I’m not really using Snapchat after the whole hacking debacle, Kik is pretty much dead for me, but if you want to get ahold of me there’s Tumblr, or you can PM me and I may be drunk or stupid enough to give you my phone number. So there’s that.