Musings of a Snoobian Butler

LEGAL STUFF: No, I don't own and will never have the rights to the Frozen franchise or any other Disney property, let alone Steamboat Willie.

It's been quite a while since I last met my brother Karl. To say that we were thick as thieves is an understatement, as other than my childhood friend Gerda whom I've had the honour of being her loving husband, Karl had been the brother I always looked up to and cared for. Serendipity brought him back to my life, as my employers, Her Majesties Anna and Elsa of Arendelle, turned out to be expressing their intent to attend the harvest festival in my hometown. It was quite an eventful journey, and I felt embarrassed as the trip wasn't without incident, having encountered obstacles along the way. Fortunately for the two sisters, they were accustomed to it no thanks to that assassination plot involving a certain scheming usurper for a prince. The Royal Family is, by protocol, accompanied by a royal escort to keep any untoward incidents from taking place, but in practice they are able to hold off any threats on their own-after all, Elsa could easily dispatch anyone with her ice powers anyway.

Kristoff and I were in front of the carriage, and he was merrily discussing about things icemen and adventurers such as himself tend to get themselves into. I guess that compelled me to share more of my life. Even though I typically defer to them as per protocol, the circumstances surrounding the Royal Family made formalities less of a concern for the two sisters and their extended family, which included the servants such as myself and Gerda. Being a veteran of the royal court, the sisters grew up with us employees and they treated us like family, to the point that Anna and Elsa would refer to my wife and I as "Aunt Gerda" and "Uncle Kai" especially when they were little. In public I'd address them as Queen, Princess or Your Majesty, but whenever the opportunity arises they'd often compel me "No, it's OK, Kai, just call us by our names and it'll be fine," even though to be honest it's quite hard considering I still have to stick to the rules regardless. Though over time I learned to relax a little and just do my best for the Royal Family.

"So, uh, how's things with your brother, Kai?" Kristoff asked quizzically, still a little uneasy about the idea of conversing with royal staff even though he himself wasn't any better off in terms of social status.

"Better than ever, if you may have witnessed," I remarked, tears welling from my eyes. "Thank you so much for caring about me, Elsa, Anna, Olaf and Kristoff,"

"Oh, it's nothing," Anna scoffed, "As long as you got yourself a well-deserved R&R and you finally reunited with that brother of yours, we're happy. And we got to have some 'swell time at the harvest festival, don't you think?"

"Haha, absolutely!" I agreed. The gang nodded in unison.

"You mind if I tell you something?" I asked, though to be honest I'm not sure if I really am privy to this as I am indeed the butler and I have to keep my place.

"Sure, no problem," Elsa assured. "Besides, it's going to be quite boring if we just stare at each other here along the way,"

"Not unless Elsa randomly shoots ice at someone or something-hey!" joked Anna, but Elsa interrupted her mid-sentence.

"Alright, here it goes..." I started my story.

I haven't always been the portly old man that I've been known for since taking a job in Arendelle. I was a brash little kid back in the day, having seen and partaken in so much mischief until Gerda and yours truly, had a chance encounter with Ingrid, the original Snow Queen. I've been quite cursed with the shattered mirror, seeing nothing but garbage and misery at those whom I have been with. Gerda was understandably upset at what I've become back then, an embittered little boy only to be consumed by the Snow Queen's curse. It was Gerda's friendship that changed me, her and Ingrid for the better. Like Elsa, Ingrid had always been misunderstood, a pariah and thus a product of her society. A series of unfortunate events turned Ingrid, who also had the ability to conjure ice and snow, into a bitter old woman, having been mis-blamed for the death of her sister Helga. Ingrid became subject to damnatio memoriae, and thus the incident with her trying to stop the Duke of Weselton from attempting to weasel her way through Helga was erased from public memory. Ingrid ran off and struck out on her own, wandering around various kingdoms every winter for reasons I am still not sure of.

Having been struck by the mirror's curse, the imbecile in me towed my sled to Ingrid's carriage, and thus I was at her mercy-three kisses and I'd be dead. Gerda had been through hell and back, desperately looking for me and concerned for my safety. It became obvious that the girl's pure heart was the key to my salvation, and Ingrid, moved by Gerda's sense of mercy and compassion, tearfully admits her wrongdoing and shares her story about her tragic life with her sisters in the kingdom of Astoria. Her story was very much like Elsa's, and since then I've been worried that the cycle would continue with another dynasty until there's a family who would learn to care and cherish for a sibling who is, ahem, different to them. Ingrid sacrificed herself to stop the curse; Gerda and I pleaded that there's still a chance for her.

"Please, Your Majesty, you still have a chance at life!" Gerda pleaded tearfully, "Please!"

"I'm so sorry, my child," Ingrid cried, "This has become way too deep and too complicated for me to turn back,"

"Just listen to Gerda, Your Highness," I pleaded as well, "I know you've been through it all but believe us when we say that there's still a good person in you,"

"No, it's too late," Ingrid insisted, "You and Gerda deserve better than this. Please take care of your family and be good little children to those surrounding you, please,"

And without a doubt, Ingrid burst into a flurry and disappeared forever, though her memory still remains.

"You mind if I tell you something, Kai?" Anna asked.

"What is it dear?"

"That was... EPIC!" Anna enthused.

"You know I've been saving that story for later," I said, having not thought about sharing it for so long ever since I started working for the Arendelle royal court. You know, duty calls, protocols and all that. "Just didn't have the time,"

"Because you've been too shy to say it?" Olaf smirked.

"Hmm you can say that," I nodded, "Though I've been so diligent with my duties that I didn't want to interfere with whatever it is you're doing,"

"Nah it's alright, Kai," Kristoff dismissed, "I wouldn't be finding my way into the royal family if it wasn't for these two sisters being less into this classist nonsense. I mean it's not like anyone could just knock on the door and ask for a spot in the family, let alone plot an attempted takeover, but well you know,"

"Our mother was a commoner as well, hence why we weren't so snobbish about who we were interacting with," Elsa added.

"So, what brought you to Arendelle in the first place?" Anna asked, "I mean, you've been through a lot of adventures as well even though it didn't look quite as obvious at first glance, and it wasn't until now that you decided to spill the beans on everything. You know what, you missed an opportunity back when we treated you like the uncle we never had,"

Anna sure is one heck of a chatterbox ever since she was a wee toddler. I remember her telling a story when she was little, and she went all out, going on and on for an hour until all she said would be a wall of text when written. It annoyed her sister at times, but that's what she's very well known for. She's definitely a foil compared to Elsa's calm, cool and reserved personality.

"Okay, it all started back when I was in my twenties..." I resumed my story. "...back when the Baron took notice of my skills and offered me a spot at the Royal Court of Snoob,"

My family was on hard times back then when I first started working as a secretary at the Baron's house. My father Harald worked as the head Royal Guard while my mother Judith was a schoolteacher. We were more or less well-to-do with Karl and the rest of the family, having enjoyed the benefits the King of Snoob bestowed upon its castle staff and their relatives. Unfortunately, a series of unsuccessful harvests took a toll on our kingdom, and it didn't go well with our family either. Most of the staff had been laid off, Father included. He didn't take it lightly, and most of the savings he had for our family went towards his booze. I do understand why he fell into alcoholism, gambling and all, but he really didn't have to go through all of this, especially after what I've been through myself. I wouldn't want to hold a grudge against him or anyone else for that matter, after what I learned from Gerda and Ingrid about caring those surrounding you. It then came to the point that, in his deathbed, I told father that Karl and I will show what the Mikkelsens are capable of and will bring our family back on its feet again.

"Don't you worry about Mother, Pa," I said assuredly, "Karl and I will take good care of her and we will make sure that we'll be alright," Even after all Pa had been through, I always remember him fondly for the krumkake he'd bring home every weekend.

Father knew the Baron well at the time, and had been sharing a lot of stories about my brother and I ever since we were wee lads. It was to our benefit as the Baron showed no hesitation to take us in. Karl worked as head of security while I took on a secretarial role, having been well acquainted with clerical and financial matters. It was definitely no picnic, and I also had to learn the ins and outs of etiquette, as well as the finer points of being a servant in the court. I know it's not something to take up if you desire to be in the spotlight, but I'm not one for publicity anyway. I've been a shy young lad way before I even set foot in Arendelle.

The job wasn't exactly high-paying at first, as we did get a few krones a month plus food and lodging, but it was a start, and Ma later retired from her work at school to focus on taking care of the neighbourhood children. Later on, Gerda and I got happily married in what amounts to a lavish and festive ceremony, knowing Snoobian local customs and all, and after a few years of settling in my childhood home, my wife and I thought about leaving for some better work opportunities. It was a hard one, really, I didn't want to leave Ma and Karl hanging, but they assured to me that it'll be alright. To my delight, the Baron was able to pull some strings and recommended me to King Agnarr, who was just recently crowned after the tragic death of King Ruenard. They told me they needed someone with my skills and talent to turn things around, and I was just the right man for the job. I initially dismissed the sweet-talking the Baron said as mere flattery, but the Baron was right all along that I'm trustworthy and talented enough for the tasks at hand.

Such was when I recalled having to escort the Crown Prince of Snoob to town and there were a band of bullies keen at taking the mick out of the frail prince. I wasn't exactly a brawler kind of person, nor was I into picking up fights in the street at random, but I knew early on that I had to learn how to defend myself and my friends from whoever is wanting to threaten then. I told the prince to take cover and hide in a corner, while I was on the defensive, sarcastically praising them for their effort at vanily trying to beat me and the prince up to pulp.

"You really are good at brawling..." I retorted, "...for a little girl!"

"Are you trying to make fun of me?"

"Without a doubt,"

I didn't really want to hurt them too bad, but with these situations, one has pretty much no choice but to do some drastic measures. A few parries and missed attempts at whacking me later, I replied with a flurry of punches and strikes from my cane. Once the bullies were terrified and ran away from all the self-defence I was forced to carry out, the Prince came out and thanked me for standing up to the bullies, as he was often teased for being a sissy and a coward, even though I know all along that he is strong and capable from within. And I was right-that scrawny little prince later became King, vowing to bring Snoob back to prosperity and pledged to become a trade partner with Arendelle among other kingdoms.

And then my wife and I said our sad goodbyes to Ma and Karl, all while packing up our things and heading to Arendelle where the King and Queen awaits. Agnarr and Iduna, bless their souls, were among the most generous and benevolent monarchs to have served in this world of ours.

They, especially Iduna, had little patience for too much pageantry and formalities, and while they do still enforce royal protocol especially in front of dignitaries and statesmen as a matter of formality, in private they were just as relaxed as any other family. Agnarr and I would sometimes sit down with a pitcher of Bavarian ale like old friends, while discussing about royal affairs and what was needed to be addressed or done with trade or inter-kingdom relations.

"Ahh, isn't this lovely, Kai?" Agnarr enthused. "A starry sky, and a breath-taking view of the fjord overlooking our kingdom, all while relaxing with a pint of Lagier Bier from the Kingdom of Bavaria,"

"Lovely indeed, Your Majesty," I agreed.

"Now have a seat, Kai. We've got some things to talk about,"

Being the chief of staff in the Arendelle Castle I've had access to kingdom's funds and resources, as well as inside information on what's going on. Agnarr knew that I was trustworthy and diligent enough to carry whichever tasks he'd put me to, and while there were fairly obvious fears that I might filch or embezzle resources which has sadly been the case with a few neighbouring kingdoms (*cough* the Southern Isles *cough*), I wouldn't be having the gall to risk destroying my life's career and potentially get beheaded just because I was being desperate for an extra krone. Such as the trust and cordial friendship between myself and Agnarr that he appointed me as the kingdom's spymaster and head of security, which was no different from Karl's job back home. The rest I'd rather not spill the beans on for fairly obvious reasons, but regardless I did what I can for the kingdom and then some.

"Well, you'll have to excuse me, Your Majesty, but I have to retire to my quarters and call it a night," I said, "Duty calls,"

"Alright, it's getting late anyway and I need to straighten myself up for an edict I'm coming up," Agnarr agreed.

And then the day went by when Elsa came to our lives. Anna's birthday was just as remarkable as it did mark the occasion that the next heir to the throne came to being, but it was the first-born that reminded me of my encounter with Ingrid. Gerda and I knew all along from the aurora borealis and the sudden winter shower that something was up, and this child will be blessed. That said blessing was to have a catch though, and my wife and I can tell that it is indeed no walk in the park both for the Royal Family and Arendelle.

I lamented in my quarters that I could do fairly little about it, at most praying to God that things would work out well for Elsa, her sister and their family. Alas, I'm just a servant of the family - why would I even interfere with their affairs? But then again, I knew I had to act in some way, assisting Anna when she was succumbing to the curse and assuring the dignitaries that Elsa meant no harm. It was one hell of a public relations exercise to convince everyone that the Queen was of no ill intent and wouldn't want to hurt a soul, but luckily Anna was there to help plead with the people to care for and understand their newly-crowned monarch. Anna's unwavering optimism is something to behold, I must say.

To say that we cared for the two sisters is an understatement. We served as their parental guardians, and they do reciprocate by expressing their admiration and appreciation for what we do unlike a number of royal children whom I encountered, treating their nannies and butlers as just that out of spite or snobbishness. This is very much why I fell in love with Arendelle and devoted the rest of my life in this fine kingdom. I know it came at the cost of missing my brother Karl and my friends back home, but I'm glad they do care enough for me even when I was away.

Anna was so moved by the story that she didn't hesitate at hugging me. Elsa and Olaf followed suit, and I was so flattered and blessed to have people like them who would never turn you down.

As I was reading a book in my quarters at midnight, Elsa came knocking on my door, bringing me my favourite fastelavnsbolle. I have to admit that my affinity for deserts gave me a bit of heft to put it lightly, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to have some on occasion.

"Thank you, Kai, for being the Uncle we never had,"

"It's very much appreciated, Elsa, I complimented, "You and Anna were the daughters Gerda and I never had, and I am glad that you two do care a lot about us and the kingdom,"

"It's nothing," Elsa scoffed, "We're all just doing our jobs, you know,"

Author's note: The Mikkelsen surname was a nod to Andreas Mikkelsen, a Norwegian rally driver who competed for Hyundai in the World Rally Championship. And yes, Kai does have a thing for desserts hence his rather bulky frame.