November 29, 2017 5 min read

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The following excerpt is from Ivan Misner, Ph.D. and Brian Hilliard’s book Networking Like a Pro. Buy it now from Amazon | Barnes & Noble | IndieBound

Perception is reality. How many times have you heard that saying? Probably enough to know that the way you're perceived really does affect the business you conduct (or don't conduct) with other people. This is especially true when it comes to networking and meeting someone for the first time, and this is where the 12 x 12 x 12 rule becomes so important.

Basically, this rule involves three questions:

How do you look from 12 feet away? Do you look the part? How do you come across from 12 inches away? Does your attitude and body language reflect what they first saw? What are the first 12 words out of your mouth?

What we're talking about is how important it is to create the right perception of yourself and your business. Let's face it: As a businessperson, you've got a lot going on. But, most prospects don't care how much you've got going on or how many balls you have in the air. They just want to know if you're a potential solution to a problem they have, and their initial perception of you goes a long way in making that determination.

The same is true for potential referral partners.

They want to know if they can trust you with their referrals -- people (and sometimes clients) with whom they have a good relationship. Do you have your act together so you won't jeopardize their good name when they refer business to you? Right or wrong, their initial perception of you is going to play a large part in answering that question.

This is precisely what the 12 x 12 x 12 rule is all about. It looks at you from the perspective of other people (prospects or referral partners) and shows you how to optimize their perception. This doesn't mean manipulating or deceiving them; experienced people can see through that. Nor is it about checking your personality at the door. What it does mean is fine-tuning your networking practices to avoid shooting yourself in the foot.

Let's go over the specifics of the 12 x 12 x 12 rule and how you can manage the perception others have of you.

Related: Repair the 'Networking Disconnect' and Pursue Your Dream Job

Look the part before going to the event (How do you look from 12 feet away?)

You'd be surprised how many people fall short in the fundamental area of appearance. If it's a chamber of commerce networking breakfast, don't go casual. Instead, consider wearing a good suit or nice outfit. You need to be well rested and clearheaded when attending a morning networking session; make a conscious effort to get plenty of sleep the night before. If you're not a morning person, hit the sack earlier than usual so you don't look like the walking dead. Regardless of how many cups of coffee you've had, people can tell if you're not all there.

Make sure your body language sends the right message (How do you come across from 12 inches away?)

When it comes to forming networking relationships, most of the important information -- trustworthiness, friendliness, sincerity, openness -- is communicated through nonverbal cues such as posture, facial expression and hand gestures. When engaging in conversation, look the other person directly in the eye and stay focused on what he's saying. Lean a bit into the conversation rather than away from it; don't stand rigid with your arms crossed.

When meeting someone for the first time, a lot can be said about how much your attitude can impact her first impression. Make sure that when you're talking to others, you have a positive, upbeat attitude.

Related: How to Network, for Those Who Hate to Network

Another part of the "12 inches" away rule is making sure you know which pocket your business cards are in and having plenty on hand. Nothing screams, "One of these days I've got to get organized!" louder than handing a potential referral partner someone else's card. So make sure you have some type of system for keeping your cards separate from the cards you receive at the event.

One more thing: Remember to smile when meeting someone for the first time. Studies have shown that if you smile when you talk, you seem more open and forthright. Obviously, you don't want to go overboard with this and start grinning and shaking hands like a hyperactive clown; just show that you're having a good time, and that will send the right message.

Related: 10 Powerful Business Networking Skills to Build Rapport Quickly

Make sure you're ready to speak (What are the first 12 words out of your mouth?)

When someone asks you what you do, make sure you're ready with a response, or unique selling proposition (USP), that's succinct but memorable. A good USP is the offline equivalent of a good post on social media . . . something that promotes curiosity and engagement. The attention span of the average adult is 20 seconds; a long, drawn-out answer to the question isn't going to work. Whatever words you choose, make sure your answer is quick and informative without sounding over-rehearsed or contrived.

Perception is reality when it comes to meeting people for the first time. If people perceive you as not being right for them, they simply won't be inclined to refer business to you, regardless of the work you can actually do. However, by keeping the 12 x 12 x 12 rule in mind, you'll go a long way toward creating the right impression in the blink of an eye.