You all know these streets: where a 40 mph zone turns into a 25 mph zone for no reason, and there’s always an officer conveniently taking radar? Isn’t that annoying? But you know what’s more annoying than that? When you work up the courage to finally learn to ride a bicycle, only to have nay-sayers tell you things like, “You need to let go of the hand brake,” or “Bikes don’t work under water.” Listen, maybe I’m learning to swim as well, and I’m trying to knock out two rites of passage at once, ever think of that? In fact, it’s better that way. I think we should lump all rites of passage together and get them all done in one day. It would save on ink, since you would only have to print one photograph instead of multiple photographs, and it would save paper, since you wouldn’t need multi-page photo albums anymore; rather, just a jacket with one page in it, and point to that one photo and say, “This was the day I learned everything.” It would really suck if the sun drowned out the image, though, and you didn’t find out until you got the film developed. Well, that teaches you to use a 35mm camera when you could have gone digital, gramps.