SOMEWHERE OVER THE PACIFIC OCEAN – A Coronavirus cell incubating in an air passenger destined for Pearson International Airport is eager to exploit the many ‘efficiencies’ in the public health system thanks to Premier Doug Ford’s recent cuts.

“I’m expecting a warm welcome with a lack of doctors, nurses, and epidemiologists hassling me,” said the disease designated as 2019-nCoV. “A $200 million cut to Toronto’s Public Health unit will sure make it easier to get around. I prefer to travel by foot rather than ambulance services since they were cut too.”

The potentially deadly virus said it always wanted to see the CN Tower, Parliament Hill, and other attractions, and have them closed to the public.

“My cousin, SARS, was able to meet so many people from Ontario back in 2003 thanks in large part to Mike Harris’ Common Sense Revolution,” said 2019-nCoV. “Too bad he missed the SARSStock. I heard the Stones were there!”

At press time, the passenger sneezed on three other people.