More often than not, we’re all fixated on the concept and significance of time, important dates and turning points in our lives so that we can impose our value judgment on it and derive meaning. That’s why I’m going to start by sharing my important dates with you and the story behind them.

Kick-off

I had a cigarette addiction and struggled with it for 14 years of my life. Right now, I’m having feelings of happiness and pride as I’m writing this sentence in past tense and sharing it publicly. It’s quite a big thing for me.

The moment that I started counting these years and signals my initiation into this addiction is when I first bought my cigarette pack, at the age of 13. Yes, my rebellious adolescent brain charged with fresh doses of testosterone was in the driving seat and I remember myself being aware of it up to a point.

The cigarette pack was a brand of cigarettes my father used to smoke, I’m not going to name it for obvious reasons, but it was one of the strongest ones. It had to be because it made me appear more cool and tough. At least so I kept telling myself when I was proudly looking at the 13-year-old badass in the mirror.

I was aware of my sudden and obvious rebellion at the time, which caused some inner conflict and my internal dialog went something along the lines of:

(Rational brain): “Stop pretending you’re so tough when you’re not. You’re not being yourself and you’re just embarrassing yourself in front of everyone. Everyone can see that, open your eyes.”

(Emotional brain): “Lies. I’ll do whatever I want, when I want. I’m not going to let anyone stop me. I don’t care what anyone thinks of me.”

Needless to say which part of the brain was in the driving seat.