Denver, CO – First quarter 2013 crime statistics are officially in from the Mile High City, and things are looking up. Violent crime has taken a nose dive compared to past years. Crimes of passion and hate have seen a record downturn, plummeting more than 400% during the first 3 months of this year.

It would appear that Denver county is making a peaceful name for itself after legalizing personal amounts of Sticky Green Leaf.

Dude, woah, like, nobody has been robbing or hurting anybody for like ever (or at least since everybody’s been puffing tough). With the ease of access to buds, more and more would-be criminals are kicking back, trading in their guns for pipes. They’re busy snacking on pot brownies instead of stabbing for crack rocks.

Maaaan, the sitch in D-town has gotten, like, so chill. It’s rad. Peace and love, yo! Peeps are buying bongs instead of guns and filling them full of hippie lettuce instead of bullets. Word. Flower power! The proliferation of pipes has led to the sudden reduction in crime, stoner statistics say. Did you just see that, maaaan? Like, the numbers went waaaaay down all of a sudden! Whoooaaaa.

If these trends continue, Denver police are going to gain a serious advantage over violent crime. Hey bro, they might even, like, completely stop it from, like, happening and junk. Far out!