I can light a cigarette from magma,

And I’m used to being tormented by succubi,

And given time, I can make pain a kinky thing,

I can learn to live in hell.

And I think of prepping myself,

For a life in Inferno’s flames,

For my life has already been a hell,

Why would it simply stop when I die?

I still try my best to be good,

And am treated to a sulfur filled slap,

Despite any behavior I may choose,

I know I’m damned if I do, and damned if I don’t.

So save me a seat Satan,

I’ll join you for poker sooner or later,

Because I pretty much know I’m going to Hell,

So all I can do is try,

And enjoy my ride down.