Update: Nicholas Sparks ruined my marriage; Sparks separates

Update:

On Tuesday, Jan. 6, Nicholas Sparks confirmed that he is separating from his wife of 25 years, Cathy.

Sparks, 49, said in a statement issued through Fritzo that the decision was not "made lightly" and that he and his wife "remain close friends."

Sparks, according to the AP, is known for blending romance and sadness in such novels as "The Notebook" and "The Wedding," the story of a 30-year-old marriage in crisis and how the husband fights to save it. Many of his books have been adapted into feature films.









Editor's Note: This "Relationship Column" comes in response to two recent submissions — "Pornography, lust destroy intimacy" and last week's extremely popular letter titled, "To my ex-wife: I wish I would have held you tighter," also called a "real-life Nicholas Sparks novel" by Redbook magazine.

Author Sean Dunbar, 32, is married with two children and grew up in Eatontown. He spent four years in the Marines and Navy Reserve.

Here is his story:

Men are constantly scrutinized because women believe that pornography has a direct impact on our views of how they should be treated and how they should behave.

Well, I'm here to disagree and point a finger right back.

Watching pornography doesn't imply that we want our wives to act like "adult film stars."

Can women say the same thing?

Can they honestly say that their expectations for relationships haven't been molded by some unrealistic "fantasy?"

From prom and graduation to marriage and having babies (gender names/room decor), most women have a specific desire for each scenario. They read books and watch television programs aimed to map out these special days.

As for the men?

"Whatever you want to do, babe; I really don't care."

That's the response I hear most frequently.

We say this because we are along for the ride, giving our full support, of course.

Men just tend to rely upon their imagination and spontaneity to make these moments special.

Unfortunately, it never seems to be enough.

I blame you, Walt Disney, "Say Yes to the Dress," "My Fair Wedding" and "Bridezillas."

These things, along with hundreds of wedding magazines, put fantasies in our wives' heads that, if not met, make us look like the "bad guys."

All the above could be considered "pornography for women."

This is why some ladies aren't happy with how they were proposed to or how their engagement ring looks. If they are happy, I'm willing to bet that happiness came with a lot of stress along the way.

To prove my point, I'll tell you what my wedding song was: "Beauty and the Beast."

When my wife told me this, I said, "Obviously you're not the beast; everyone's going to laugh at me!"

"But I booked us private slow dance classes, and they have a great routine for us," she responded.

For the record, my wife is gorgeous, and I pretty much am a beast, so this wasn't cute to me — especially at our wedding, when everyone commented about the "perfect song choice."

What am I getting at here?

Nicholas Sparks has completely ruined the "regular guy's" chance for success.

Sparks creates the ultimate "pornography for women." After reading or watching Sparks, she will never be pleased again.

I was considered a good catch until "The Notebook."

As I sat through that ridiculous movie with my then-girlfriend, she would make comments like, "Wow, what a kiss," "I bet you wouldn't die with me," and "why don't you do that?"

No, I would not climb a Ferris wheel at a fair while you were with your new boyfriend just to ask you out, as Ryan Gosling did in "The Notebook."

It's just not worth the jail time or possible injury.

As I write this, I'm going to stop for a second, walk into the kitchen and try to pick my wife up and kiss her — be a little spontaneous. I'll tell you exactly what happens ...

OK, just as I thought.

I swept her up and was immediately told, "Stop, I'm so mad at you!"

Then, as I tried to push through for the kiss, she tells me to leave her alone because the dogs were biting her.

The "scene" ended with her asking for her phone and walking away while laughing and calling me an idiot.

One day, I happened to be walking through the house wearing just jeans.

My wife says, "You know, it's dark out, and the lights are on — people can see in."

I just turned around and went upstairs.

Sparks has made my wife's expectations for romance and sexiness unreachable.

Ladies, before you start judging men for watching pornography, please remember — you do the same, in your own way.

Nothing we do is meant to be disrespectful; we're just flying by the seat of our pants.

After all, we are from Mars.

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