HUDSON, NY—Expressing shock to find himself in a situation from the silver screen, local man Kevin Perry revealed Wednesday that his wife had died from stage-3 lymphoma just like in a Hollywood movie. “Man oh man, look at little old me, recently bereaved and struggling with a deep sense of loss like I’m smack dab out of some sort of Oscar-winning motion picture,” said Perry, adding that everything from his time weeping at his partner’s bedside as she slipped into a coma to his heart-wrenching speech at her funeral had felt like a melodrama directed by some moviemaking bigshot like Mr. Steven Spielberg himself. “When the doctor came in to tell me the bad news, I thought, ‘C’mon, this has got to be a put-on, right?’ I mean, I’ve seen this scene in celluloid about a hundred times in the theater. Honestly, I kept waiting for someone to shout out ‘Cut!’ and have a director walk out from behind one of the hospital screens. Who even knew this sort of thing happened in real life?” Perry added that he was already blushing at the idea of starring in his own personal drama about his slide into clinical depression as if he were one of the stars of tinseltown like Casey Affleck or Philip Seymour Hoffman.

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