Hello again! In my last post, I talked about the six WORST things about being married young. If you missed it, you can read it here. Since I did a post on the 6 worst things about being married young, I figured I should do a post on the 6 BEST things. It was hard to narrow it down to six, but I got there in the end.

The 6 BEST things about being married young:

It’s fun being students together

Everyone says “Wait until you graduate from college before you get married!” but no one tells your how much fun it is being married while you’re still studying. Sure, there is something to be said for getting your education out of the way before you get married. Obviously if you’re working full time as a college graduate you are going to be making more money than working casually at an unskilled job, so there’s that. There is also the chance of getting pregnant and having to take time off or drop out entirely before you’ve graduated. But to be honest, contraception is not that hard to figure out and the chances of becoming pregnant by accident is pretty slim if you’re careful. Overall, waiting until you graduate from college to get married is entirely overrated.

What no one tells you is, being students together when you’re married is actually SUPER fun. How many students get to have their own place AND pick their college roommate? As a student, you have so much more free time than you would as a full time worker. “Full time” studies ≠ full time work. It just doesn’t. There is nothing full time about 12-20 hours/week of class. And even if you work part time on top of studies (you will probably have to), you still have more time together than if you both worked full time. Being students also means you get a lot of time off. Four months for summer and four weeks for winter, not to mention the mid-semester breaks in between, “study” vacation week, student strike days and public holidays. And if you’re working casual jobs, your schedules are super flexible anyways and you can take time off pretty much whenever you want. With all the time off and flexibility of work, we have been able to go overseas at least once every year, usually for a whole month of summer, and we’ve gotten to do some travel around Australia during the shorter breaks. Having someone to keep you company when you’re doing homework is also pretty sweet. We’ve had our spare room set up as a “study” with two desks, two chairs and the brightest lamp we own. It’s nice just being in the same room together, even if you are working on your own assignments. Just try not to distract each other too often or you’ll never get any work done.

Freedom and independence

Being young and married, you have a lot more freedom and independence than your peers. You become your own family unit and are no longer “under your parent’s roof” so to speak. When I got married at 20 years old, I felt such a sense of relief at not having to rely on my parents financially anymore. Sure, it was nice being given an allowance every month and not having to pay rent, but I hated the fact that I needed my parents’ money and that because I needed them, I wasn’t completely free to make my own choices. I also didn’t like feeling like I was a burden on them financially because I knew they didn’t have tons of money. I longed to be independent, and yet I knew that I was still dependent as long as I was getting financial support. Being young and married is liberating. Not needing to depend on anyone but being interdependent on your spouse is amazing and incredibly satisfying. Even though it can be tough, I would much rather have to work hard and be independent and free to make my own choices, than have it easy but be dependent and restricted in my decisions.

For the Christian couple, there is even more freedom in getting married young. Being in a dating relationship in the church, you often feel like you’re being watched. Probably because you are. People have good intentions, and accountability is important, but it can be really overwhelming when you feel like people are constantly looking over your shoulder. You also put restrictions on your own freedom by putting physical boundaries on your relationship. It is not easy to be in a loving and committed relationship, and yet to hold back from giving yourself fully to that person. There is nothing tougher than being at a level of commitment personally, spiritually and emotionally that cannot yet be expressed physically. Getting married young brings so much freedom to your relationship, with a few words declared publicly in your marriage vows.

Growing up together

If you get married in your twenties, you are still growing and forming your identity, so you get to “grow up” together in a sense. Having someone to go through all of the changes and challenges of young adulthood with is one of the best things about being married young. You get to learn how to be adults together. You learn how to maintain a health work/life balance, get around without a car, book flights, organize holidays, shop for the best deals, pay the bills, cook, accommodate guests, manage conflict, forgive and let things go – all with your best friend and life partner learning and growing along beside you. It is a special thing to be able to figure grown up life out together and to see your spouse go from being a college boy with few responsibilities to a hard-working man.

Growing up together is one of the best things about being young and married – but it is also incredibly scary. It’s scary because, not only are you learning how to be an adult, you’re also still developing as a person in your identity, world-view and beliefs. What if you get married at 20 and then at 25 they decide they don’t want to have kids? Or live overseas? Or work? Or believe in God? Sure, if you got married in your 30s or 40s, you and your spouse would still grow and change a bit, but probably not to the same extent as if you got married in your early 20s, when you are still getting to know yourself. It’s scary to think that if you met your spouse 10 years later, maybe you wouldn’t have gotten married. And yet, it is also an incredible blessing to be able to express your fears and doubts to someone who you know will love you unconditionally, and to be able to help you think through your beliefs and wrestle with uncertainty with you. Through all the change and uncertainty that you will both go through, your marriage and commitment to each other is something that will not change and is not uncertain. Marriage is about staying together because you promised you would, regardless of how much or little you both change along the way.

No pressure to have kids

When you get married young, there’s no pressure to start having kids straight away. If you get married at 20, you can wait ten years to start having kids if you want to, and you’ll still be on track with the rest of your peers. Being married young, you have a whole lot more time to enjoy life together as a married couple, before starting a family. You can really take your time figuring out what you want to do with your life and it’s much easier to be able to do the things you really want to do, like travel, live in different places, or do further study.

Living together

If not living together before marriage is something that’s important to you, then living together is a massive benefit to being married young. It’s no wonder Christian couples tend to get married younger than most. When we first got married, I was SO excited to be moving in to our own place. The first two years of college before we got married, we lived in the same student accommodation in different units because we wanted to live as close together as possible without, you know, actually living together. There were so many rules to follow. No guests over past 10pm. Your front door had to be open if you had people in your unit. You were not allowed to have anyone sleep over. No alcohol allowed on the premises. By the end of those two years, I was so sick of student accommodation and so ready to have our own place.

Living together is great! You make your own rules and you’re free to break them whenever you feel like it. If you don’t do the dishes one day, the worst thing that’s going to happen is one of you will have to do them the next day. It’s so much easier to cook for two people than just for yourself. It’s great not having to say goodbye to each other at the end of the day. Sharing the same bed takes some getting used to but once you figure out that you need to walk around the bed to go to the bathroom instead of trying to crawl over your husband in the middle of the night, it’s nice.

It simplifies things

Being young and married simplifies things in a lot of ways. When you’re in a relationship but not married, it’s difficult to plan your life together. You have your own individual bank accounts, separate incomes, and separate bills and expenses. You keep track of who pays for what and who owes who. When you get married you stop keeping track because “yours” and “mine” become “ours”. More importantly, being married young simplifies your life in that you never have to worry about finding the right person or dating ever again. You’ve found your life partner. Congratulations! You can tick that off of your list of life goals. The thought of going on a first date with someone I don’t know and having to get to know someone new from scratch is so overwhelming and I’m relieved that it’s something I’ll never have to do again. Many people spend their whole lives looking for that special someone to share it with and I feel so incredibly lucky to have found that person at such a young age.