FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT

After enduring the consecutive crises of Drought, Fire, Flood, Toilet Paper Shortage and COVID-19 Social Isolation, Australians are keen for the virus to hurry up and bugger off so they can prepare for the next shitstorm, whatever it may be.

“I guess I can count myself lucky” said Betoota farmer Lachlan Farrier, 48.

“The crops all died due to lack of rain, then the dead crops caught fire, then the ashes were all washed away. Now a virus? Geez, lucky all this shit didn’t happen at once.”

The sentiment is shared by many Australians who, having seen each crisis appear, last a few months and subside, worry that if the current COVID-19 crisis lasts longer it could overlap with the next crisis with exponentially disastrous results.



Meanwhile, even the semi-legitimate bookies in the basement of the Betoota Hotel are struggling to pick what the next disaster to strike will be. Shady Harry has ‘Plague of Locusts’ as the favourite at 9:1 with Electromagnetic Pulse at 37:1 and Surprise Arrival Of The Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse at 44:1 as rank outsiders.

“Pretty keen for this virus to fuck off, ay” said local Wayne Smythe, 53.

“Can’t wait to see what the next one is. Like I reckon a really big wave or something? Dunno.”