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SEE MORE: Vol 56 Issue 16

As the coronavirus pandemic continues, President Trump on Wednesday signed an order halting all immigration to the United States for 60 days, a decision with significant ethical and economic ramifications. The Onion looks at the effects of Trump halting immigration.


Statue of Liberty to become additional 25% more cruelly ironic.



Protects nation from any harmful skills immigrants might bring.

Country will struggle to adjust to entirely crime-free society for next 60 days.



Americans will finally have time to properly introduce selves to those who’ve already immigrated.


Exemption for guest worker visas ensures America’s reputation as a safe haven for gratuitous labor exploitation won’t be tarnished.




Nation realizing plot of Eddie Murphy’s Coming To America would never happen today.




U.S. citizens get first shot at jobs education system hasn’t at all prepared them for.




Might force symbolic U.S. government apology in 50 years.

