Andrew Callahan

andrewcallahan@ldnews.com

Clear your calendars.

You and I, fueled by an imaginary, bottomless budget and a very real, powerful love of college football, are going on a road trip. We'll catch 14 kickoffs this season, one for each week on the schedule that includes a double-dip during the opening weekend. And you bet there will be time for plenty of barbecue and corn hole along the way.

Buckle up.

Week 1: USC vs. Alabama (at AT&T Stadium, Dallas, TX), Sept. 3, 8 p.m.

The reigning national champs kick off their latest quest to repeat and squash all outside by battling one of the few programs that can withstand their bullying in the trenches. Headlined by 6-9, 360-pound left tackle Zach Banner, the Trojans’ offensive line indubitably stands as one of the best in the country. But it's the man they’re protecting, new starting quarterback Max Browne, and his top target, JuJu Smith-Schuster, who need to take advantage of said protection via big plays.

Smith-Schuster has been tapped as a preseason All-American by nearly every publication, yet could still very well be blanketed by the Tide’s staunch pass defense. And if that’s the case, USC is going home like many Alabama opponents before it: hurt and hopeless.

Notre Dame at Texas, Sept. 4, 7:30 p.m.

While the NFL is away, TV execs smartly scheme so the college kids can play.

2016's final Sunday night without professional football features two of the highest-profile programs in the country. Longhorns headman Charlie Strong can significantly cool the hot seat he’s been dancing around almost since arriving in Austin with an upset home win. Texas’ recent successes on the recruiting trail should materialize on the field soon.

Miles covered: 19.5

Week 2: Penn State at Pitt, Sept. 10, Noon

The Week 2 slate is rather barren, though little to no explanation is needed for why we’re visiting this reignited rivalry. So instead, a fun fact: This regular-season ticket is currently one of college football’s most expensive on any secondary market.

Miles covered: 1,237

Week 3: Ohio State at Oklahoma, Sept. 17, 7:30 p.m.

Arguably the most intriguing non-conference tilt of the year falls amid a loaded Week 3 schedule that also includes Michigan State-Notre Dame, Alabama Ole-Miss and USC-Stanford. Will the young Buckeyes be able to stay composed in a front of a crazy Sooner crowd? Or does Baker Mayfield captain Oklahoma to a statement win possibly en route to another playoff berth?

Miles covered: 2,374

Week 4: Georgia at Ole Miss, Sept. 24, TBD

Another lean schedule carries us down to Oxford and The Grove, one of the finest tailgate spots in the country. The Rebels will either be coming off their third straight triumph over Alabama or a tough home loss. In either case, they’ll need a quick-turnaround against a Bulldogs team now led by Saban protégé Kirby Smart. This could be one of the sneaky best SEC games of the season.

Miles covered: 2,930.5

Week 5: Wisconsin at Michigan, Oct. 1, TBD

The Wolverines will follow one conference home test, Penn State in Week 4, with another, as the Badgers come to town. Wisconsin faces a schedule that borders on torturous, and Michigan will be in no mood to let up. Expect nothing short of old school, smashmouth football for four quarters in Ann Arbor.

Miles covered: 3,710

Week 6: Texas at Oklahoma, Oct. 8, TBD (at Cotton Bowl)

Red. River. Rivalry. Bring on the healthy hate.

Miles covered: 4,885

Week 7: Stanford at Notre Dame, Oct. 15, 7:30 p.m.

A last-second field goal both clinched a thriller in Palo Alto for the Cardinal and knocked the Irish from playoff contention last year. Motivation and high-level football will be in abundance under the lights at Notre Dame Stadium on this October night.

Miles covered: 5,912

Week 8: Ohio State at Penn State, Oct. 22, 8 p.m.

Penn Staters have clamored for a statement win from James Franklin since his hiring. This contest, a white-out in primetime, will be as ripe a chance as any for the Lions to reassert themselves in the Big 10.

Miles covered: 6,392

Week 9: Clemson at Florida State, Oct. 29, TBD

Back-to-back weeks headlined by a matchup of playoff contenders will begin in Tallahassee, where Deshaun Watson nearly led the Tigers to victory as a true freshman two years ago. The one Seminole who could single-handedly derail Watson’s plans to leave town with a win is Derwin James, a hybrid sophomore defender with athleticism that goes beyond freak level. He’ll be all over the field during what figures to unfold as a midseason classic.

Miles covered: 7,359

Week 10: Alabama at LSU, Nov. 5, TBD

Skull-crushing hits and ear-shattering crowd noise. Please, hide the children.

Miles covered: 7,818

Week 11: Stanford at Oregon, Nov. 12, TBD

The Pac-12’s annual clash of power versus speed returns to Eugene, where the Ducks for now have been removed from any conference title discussion. Both programs will deploy new quarterbacks and defensive coordinators this fall, leaving a wide variety of finishes on the table in Autzen Stadium, as underrated an atmosphere you’ll find in college football.

Miles covered: 10,273

Week 12: USC at UCLA, Nov. 19, TBD

The Trojans recently snapped a three-year losing skid to the rival Bruins, who return sophomore Josh Rosen under center. Rosen, already in the top tier of college quarterbacks, must avoid the interceptions that helped USC return to the win column in the Coliseum. Now back at the Rose Bowl, he’ll have the UCLA faithful at his back and a critical year of experience in his back pocket.

Miles covered: 11,130.5

Week 13: Michigan at Ohio State, Nov. 26, TBD

Rivalry week offers no shortage of destinations, but we conclude our trip in Columbus, the only place that offers a potential collision of playoff contenders. The John Harbaugh-led Wolverines appeared primed to jumpstart the rivalry again last year until Ohio State, overflowing with NFL talent, pieced together a dominant performance and put the school up north in its place. Does Michigan return the favor now with an improved squad?

Miles covered: 13,365