Ryan Idol — former porn star of the 90's

Dancing with a Porn Star

How I met a childhood neighbor, on a dance floor in California

Strange experiences are something I tend to have often in my life.

Many years back, a client of mine invited me to visit her in San Francisco. She was so pleased with the consulting work that I had done for her, that she wanted to give me a chance to see what California was like.

Back then I owned a business which helped people plan events. Since I was too empathically open to deal with my own life, I busied my awareness in helping other peoples social planning.

As I have discussed in other articles I have written, as well as my autobiography: Awaking Spirit reclamation of being — I grew up having traumatic visions of things I would later have to live through. I sensed so much as a child, I blocked my own senses in the confusion. I saw into abuse I would later suffer. I saw world events unfold, many years before they did. I dealt with having to hide the reality of these things, since people would think I was crazy if they knew.

Someone once said that: You can’t be a prophet in your hometown. In truth society itself is not willing to hear the truth. Society represses and holds back the truth since it would mean that the individuals within that society would have to deal with their own abilities, or inabilities, of response to it. People often tend to be complicit in the deceit and illusions of society, and are unconscious of it.

As an adult I attempt to tell these stories of truth, as creative teaching lessons.

While staying with her, she introduced me to her next door neighbor. I was told that he knew the area well, and would be able to give me a wider tour.

We traveled around San Francisco, and several other areas in day trips.

One day he asked me if I wanted to go to the ‘in’ dance club. He stated he didn’t know where it was yet, or what day it would be that we would go.

After my extreme look of confusion he explained what he meant.

He had connections. He explained that there was a circuit of famous and currently ‘in’ people that had a system where they would all show up at certain places, on certain days, and times, and only they would be allowed in to party. The time and place wouldn’t be known until that day for secrecy.

I was curious, and I naively had no clue what I was in for.

The day came and it was a Thursday night.

It was such a blur to me. The energy of the place, the crowd was overwhelming for me. I was seeing more than I knew how to process. Everyone seemed to know everyone else, and I hadn’t a clue who anyone was other than the couple I went there with.

The energy was so overwhelming, I couldn’t even focus on people to see who they might be. When someone spoke to me I was too distracted to even pay attention. My new friend, and his boyfriend, would quietly point out people to me. I was getting attention. I just responded somewhat dizzyingly.

I was sensing so much all at once, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be there.

I was getting reactions from people I wasn’t equipped to know how to respond to. I felt very out of place, of the peculiar glamour of it all. I was glamoured.

The only thing that seemed to interest me was the music. I just wanted to get on the dance floor and dance through all that energy that I was overwhelming my senses with. I wanted to lose myself in the energy of the dance.

I was in the midst of all this extreme energy of the beautiful ‘in’ people.

People reeked of money, privilege, and world travel. I was some kid, just flown in, from a small town back east. The chasm of difference was massive.

I lost myself in dancing all by myself.

I didn’t realize what that meant to those seeing me. I wasn’t posing. I wasn’t trying to be more than what I was. I wasn’t even going to attempt to impress anyone. I lost myself in the waves of energy and music. The people blurred.

People started dancing with me.

Before I knew it, I had an extremely good looking guy dancing with me. There were others dancing with us as well. Though they seemed to be trying to get his attention. They seemed to be revolving around him, as he was trying to get my attention and to be closer to me.

I could see my friends in the corner of my eye looking at me and reacting in shock. I was just that country kid, from the east coast, who suddenly created an orbit of dancing motion around himself. I was unawares of what was happening all around me. Lost in the dance. Trying to find freedom to live.

The guy with the muscles, in the flannel shirt with the cut off sleeves, danced closer and started talking to me. He asked me where I was from.

I stated he wouldn’t know where it was.

He offered me so much sincere attention I wasn’t sure how to respond.

He seemed like he literally and truthfully wanted to get to know me.

We were the same age, yet our lives so obviously different.

I told him I was from the East Coast. He asked: “where”, and I replied: “Massachusetts.” He then asked: “Where in Mass”

Once again I said: “a small town you wouldn't know it”.

He persisted to know what town. I was confused why it was so important for him to know the name of the town.

I finally told him that it was the Brookfield’s in Massachusetts.

I said I lived in West Brookfield, but I grew up in Brookfield.

He asked me what street I lived on, in Brookfield, as a kid.

Once again, my inabilities of mingling showed up and I asked why that mattered. He persisted to know which street, and I thought it was strange. He seemed polite and kind and I really liked him. His intensity with me felt strange. He had more sincere, direct, interest in me than I had experienced in a long time. It made no sense to me though. I didn’t get the perspective of where he was coming from.

I finally told him the street, and the house number, of where I grew up in Brookfield.

He was in shock and reacted by asking: “Who put you up to this?”

I was now totally confused. As if I wasn’t already in a strange space.

I was just being honest. He wanted to know who put me up to what ever it was that I was doing. In a way, I felt crushed. All his sincere interest in me, suddenly seemed sullied by his concern I was playing a game of some sort on him. I felt like I did something wrong, even though I knew I hadn’t.

I was genuinely honest, and I liked him. It wasn’t because he was extremely attractive. It wasn’t because he appeared to truthfully like me right away. It was because he somehow opened up to me in a way that I felt something very personal and intimate in sharing was happening. It was as if he somehow opened up a part of his soul to me that he didn’t normally show others. It felt like we had a deeper connection beyond simple attraction. It felt as if he was pulled to me, almost as if by fate. Yet, I knew we were from very different worlds. The chasm was wide, yet very deep, between us. I was lost in the ocean of it.

While he was very close to my face, he stated that he was from Brookfield, Massachusetts. He said he had lived on the same street I had told him I grew up on. He lived in the very house next door he claimed.

I now turned the tables confusedly, and thought he was playing some strange game on me. I liked him. He seemed to like me. Yet there was some strange thing between us, keeping us from interrelating more clearly.

It felt like we were being pulled together by fate, yet at the same time circumstance was keeping us apart. It was like everyone was staring at us.

At some point, my friends motioned me over to speak to them. I took it as a chance to have a sip of my drink that they had near them. I said I would be back.

My friend and his boyfriend were besides themselves.

They wanted to know what was going on. What was I talking about to ‘that guy’. They saw the orbit of energy that formed on the dance floor with me in the direct middle of it. They were stunned how casual I was in my confusion.

I explained how he asked where I was from, and how it became a big deal. Then how he demanded to know who put me up to telling him what I was saying to him. I explained how he then told me that he was from the same town, and lived right next door to me as a kid. I stated I didn’t know what to believe. I didn’t know who he was.

They laughed, totally confused, and told me that he was the legendary Ryan Idol, the current reigning male porn star.

The authors autobiography:

Other articles by Keith J. Chouinard on Medium

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