Screenshot via CNN.

Here is a list of facts that are true: Florida is sinking, butts get flatter with time, Donald Trump gets 2 scoops of ice cream when everybody else gets 1, CNN ran this chyron today, we are all dead.


The chyron is based on a recent very bizarre Time story that included a recounting of Donald Trump’s big boy eating habits:

The waiters know well Trump’s personal preferences. As he settles down, they bring him a Diet Coke, while the rest of us are served water, with the Vice President sitting at one end of the table. With the salad course, Trump is served what appears to be Thousand Island dressing instead of the creamy vinaigrette for his guests. When the chicken arrives, he is the only one given an extra dish of sauce. At the dessert course, he gets two scoops of vanilla ice cream with his chocolate cream pie, instead of the single scoop for everyone else. The tastes of Pence are also tended to. Instead of the pie, he gets a fruit plate.


Yum! If you are a waiter at the White House, please—I’m begging you—contact me at the email below.