Hey gamers, strap into your X1 boot suit with microfiber crotch inlay and get ready to gunt. And remember, “a fanboy knows a hater!”

NOTE: Everything in the preceding two sentences is straight from Ready Player One, we didn’t have to exaggerate anything, it’s really that gross.

This alleged movie is an epic feat of fan service, assuming as a “fan” you feel “served” simply by seeing things you recognize flash by on screen. Watching it feels like being stuck in an unplayable cutscene from a video game, a video game you never get to play, and quite frankly wouldn’t really want to play if you could. But hey, gotta cut some slack for the novice director, probably their first time doing a big movie like this, let’s just check and that name, looks like it’s someone called -- STEVEN SPIELBERG?!?!?

It’s a big messy sandbox, but it’s the perfect kind of mess for a RiffTrax, and this one is not to be missed. Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill and howl into the void of empty nostalgia that is Ready Player One!

Written by: Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett, Sean Thomason, Conor Lastowka

Contributing writers: Jason Miller, Zachary Shatzer