Woman Wearing NASA T-Shirt Has Never Even Been to Space

HOUSTON — Local woman Claudia Sims was criticized yesterday for wearing a NASA T-shirt, despite the fact that she has never traveled outside of the Earth’s atmosphere, upset sources confirmed.

“As soon as I saw her walk into the coffee shop, I looked at her shirt and thought, ‘This fucking poser doesn’t know the first thing about zero gravity,’” said local astronaut Mark Van Allen, who has undergone four separate space missions. “It took a miraculous amount of self control for me not to go up to her and ask her to name three different NASA programs. Yeah, I bet she only knows Apollo — my fucking dog knows Apollo. Don’t wear NASA if you’ve never been to space. It’s that simple.”

For her part, Sims was unaware that wearing the lightweight cotton NASA shirt she purchased on vacation would cause so many people to be upset.

“I’ve always liked space, and I thought the shirt was cute. It was never meant to make someone think I was an active astronaut,” said Sims. “It’d be real nice if I could wear a shirt with a logo and not have it been an invitation for people to question my entire existence.”

However, NASA gift shop employee Eddie Tanner believes there should be tighter restrictions on who can buy NASA-branded merchandise.

“Listen, this job is very tough, because I see some people coming in here who are not exactly ‘space ready’ buying shirts, mugs, model rockets, and so much more shit. And I know they go home and tell their dumb friends they got this stuff because they’re in an elite space program… it makes me sick,” said Tanner. “Like, what about all the real-deal astronauts out there busting their asses astronauting everyday, just to have some NASA scenester dweeb ripping off their look? Fuck that.”

“I’ve tried suggesting to my bosses that we only sell to actual astronauts, and that our currency should be space dust. But they don’t listen,” he added. “And they actually told me if I bring it up again, they will fire me.”

As of press time, Sims was attempting to avoid any further harassment by covering her NASA shirt with a Thrasher hoodie, even though she doesn’t skate.