NEW YORK—Self-proclaimed fans of artificially sleek movies that at no point appear as though they contain real human beings onscreen in real locations doing real things expressed their ongoing appreciation for modern filmmaking today, sources confirmed. “We live in a veritable golden age for films featuring performers hoisted up on wires in front of green screens and talking to inanimate objects that will later be replaced in post-production with oddly humanoid, cartoonish CGI characters,” film aficionado Kevin Wu told reporters, expressing his abiding passion for today’s movies that essentially look like above-average video games. “If you’re like me, and you like nothing more than chaotic, ugly-looking scenes of computerized carnage where you can practically see the mouse cursor hovering over the movie screen at all times, then this truly is the greatest time in history to be a moviegoer.” Wu added that he often shudders at the thought of how supremely awful cinema must have been before the advent of CGI.

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