ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Like the captain of the Titanic, and unlike the captain of the Costa Concordia, two Betoota Heights young professionals have elected to go down with their boat of smugness today by refusing to conceded they entered the housing market at the worst possible time in recent history.

Six months on from the purchase of their first ‘forever’ home on Clarence Circuit; David Mulloway and Mariska Yellowglen still insist they paid the right amount for their home, despite it losing almost a third of its value.

“The mine closing and the replacement one getting cancelled did have a little bit of effect on the local housing market but not as much as the media would have you believe,” said David.

Since posing with the ‘Sold’ sign in August last year, David chooses to live his life as a bald man.

“But it’s not that bad. Most of the capital gain we made last year has been wiped out it but it’s still worth as much, if not a little bit more than what we paid for it.”

Mariska nodded.

“We didn’t make the wrong decision to buy,” she said.

“Everything is going to be fine. So fine that we’re planning on having children soon.”

However, according to a local real estate agent, what the married-but-not-name-married couple told us was a lie.

Darryl Offige, from Offige & Sons Real Estate and Subaru, explained to our reporter that the local housing market has gone into meltdown and the only thing that’s stopped him from throwing himself under a tram is the fact his family also runs a car dealership.

“Selling new and used Subarus has got us through some dark days,” he said.

“Ive got a Brumby out the back with a WRX engine in it. That’s pretty neat, hey? But yeah. Things are grim, I’m just glad I didn’t buy anything in the last year. The blue chip postcodes of town are fine, they’ll always have buyers. But no bloke in their right mind wants to buy a two-year-old Hotondo card house here for 40 000 $20 notes,”

“If I did, I’d be looking at how much it’s insured for, then I’d try to start an electrical fire in the roof with some exposed wiring and a ball of laundry lint. That’s what I’d be doing.”

More to come.