Keanu Reeves might be America's most beloved retired assassin turned heartbreakingly adorable puppy avenger, but it turns out that show business did not come as easily to him as those of us salivating over the forthcoming John Wick: Chapter 2 might think. On Wednesday's Tonight Show, Reeves got to reminiscing about his first gig, a stint as a correspondent on Going Great, a mid-1980s CBC kids' news-magazine show in which a gawky Reeves interviewed precocious youngsters about their unusual hobbies. Although Reeves's tenure on the show wasn't long—he glumly admitted that he had been fired after his first season, and that the show lasted just one more after that—the magic of the Internet means that even today we can all enjoy this early-period Reeves art.

There's no reason for host Jimmy Fallon to bring up this bit of hilarious trivia unless he could produce the receipts, of course, and sure enough, Reeves's face upon hearing that a giddy Fallon indeed had a clip to roll was that of a man whose first date was just interrupted by his ex sitting down at the table directly behind him. The reason for this sheepishness, though, soon became readily apparent. Here is, according to Fallon, 16-year-old Reeves reporting from...a Canadian teddy-bear convention:

I'm not exactly sure what our intrepid future Neo is getting at here, but yes, it's safe to say that if his antics regularly featured him doing things like pantomiming being choked (possibly eaten?) by a teddy bear that he plucked out of a terrified child's hands, then perhaps his termination from that role was warranted. Lest you think this is the only evidence of Going Great available online for your viewing pleasure, here he is interviewing Susan Keers, who at age 16 ran her own equestrian school, a Reeves voiceover explains proudly, with "flair and a little dare."

And here's our correspondent being absolutely mystified by a French-speaking middle-schooler who is much, much better at juggling than Reeves:

Normally, we appreciate any man's efforts to broaden his horizons, but this time: Stick to stylish film noir, Keanu. It suits you.

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