A Little Mermaid Named Thranduil

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away, Ron Weasley feel into the vanishing cabinet and found himself in Middle Earth. Not only that, but in the process he had been transfigured into a moose, although he still had his own face.

Unsure of what else to do, Ron wandered off to the ocean, plopped in and swam out into the deep. There, out in the beautiful blue ocean, he encountered the Thranduil mermaid. Upon seeing him, Ron felt himself becoming sexually attracted to the worm-like mermaid. Together, they joined into a loving embrace and then smooched and pashed and groped.

Then Thranduil sensually ejaculated "Let's go to the bedroom."

"There are no beds in the ocean." Ron objected.

"I meant the sea-bed, baby babe." Thranduil whispered sensually.

Ron shivered in delight, but then realised that Thranduil had no penis, because merman anatomy was problematic like that. So, not knowing what else to do Ron magicked him one. But unfortunately it appeared on his forhead, because Ron sucked at magic. Thranduil's new, unicorn-style phallus was bobbing gently in the ocean current. Thranduil reached up to touch it reverently.

"Thank you, baby babe!" Thranduil ejaculated, moving in closer "For the membership to the love club."

As they joined into a heated embrace, Ron's love stick opened up like an orchid to receive Thranduil's engrossed, turgid, sexy sex sword. They stared deep into each other's eyes, as best they could considering Ron's groin was enmeshed with Thranduil's forehead, as they made sweet, sweet love.

Suddenly, Thorin the Mer-Dwarf appeared.

"Where the fuck is the Arkenstone, you fuckers?" he demanded.

The he paused to take in the scene before him, eyes roving over Thranduil's contorted form and pulsing unicorn appendage. He smiled, liking what he saw, and reconsidered. "Hot damn, Thranduil you MILF[1], you can have my King's Jewels any day."

And then they banged… and Ron was like

WHAT

THE

FUCK

"I'm leaving." Ron declared. "Thanks for the memories even though they weren't so good."

"Wait!" Thorin ejaculated sexually. "Don't go, cannibalism really turns me on."

Ron paused at that. Thorin sounded so desperate and Ron had been lost in the ocean for quite some time. All this swimming was making him very hungry and he wasn't sure where else he could get some food. Plus, Thorin did look delicious.

"Well, I am kind of hungry." Ron whispered.

"Yes, I'm hungry for some DILF[2]." Moaned Thranduil.

So the three came to an agreement and Thranduil and Ron began to slowly consume Thorin with a growing passion while simultaneously fornicating.

Then Legolas appeared. "What the actual fuck, dad!" he screeched.

Thranduil was horrified by this sudden turn of events. "Wait, son!" He ejaculated, untangling himself from Moose-Ron and Thorin's half eaten corpse. "I can explain!"

"I don't want your bullshit excuses!" Legolas yelled, "Lucius Malfoy is my real dad now!"

"That bitch!" Cried Thranduil. "He stole my son and my conditioner!"

Then Lucius appeared out of seemingly nowhere. "Shut up! I'll fucking strangle you ghetto ass with my weave!" He ejaculated, lunging at Thranduil.

"Christ, the bitch is fast!" howled Thranduil, flipping his hair back fabulously.

Lucius pulled back and sashayed away, only the movement was slightly awkward as they were all still underwater. "We'll finish this later." He whispered in a voice that was dripping with unresolved sexual tension.

Then he and Legolas fucked off.

Now they were gone, it was just only Ron, Thranduil and Thorin's dead body, alone in the vastness of the ocean.

THE END

[1] MerElf I'd Like to Fuck

[2] Dwarf I'd Like to Fuck