Click here for a compilation of all the clues and theories about The Mother!

Look, the many theories about How I Met Your Mother are part of what make it so legendary. It’s also the main driving force behind my blog traffic, so I’m certainly not suggesting that we stop with the guessing and theorizing and speculation. Buuuut there are a few persistent ideas out there that just really don’t make any sense, so I’m going to offer up a list of HIMYM possibilities that I think we all need to just take a step back from:

1. Robin is the mother.

No, she’s not. This theory has been fading in popularity, from what I can tell. This is likely because it has been disproved in so many different ways. I don’t need to get into the details – fans know that Robin is NOT THE MAMA. But, if you’re not convinced, remember that the mother is Cindy’s roommate, and Robin was certainly not secretly living with a grad student and taking econ classes at the local university. PS: look I made a meme!!

2. The kids are adopted.

We don’t have hard evidence to prove that the kids are Ted’s biological children, and honestly it doesn’t actually matter that much. It’s still a story about how their dad met their mother – simple as that. It’s not called How I Impregnated Your Mother, or How I Met Your Mother’s Uterus – it’s just how he met their mother. I think most of us are at a point now where we understand that adopted kids are just as legitimate as biological children, so I say this is a non-issue.

That being said – Robin will have to adopt if she ends up with children. Since I believe that her and Barney will marry and want a mini-me or two, this means that Barney and Robin will both be adopting. Also, Barney’s brother James has two adopted children with his husband. (Maybe they used a surrogate? I’m actually not sure, will research later). Point being, they’re already covering that ground with other main and secondary characters. There really isn’t a need, plot-wise, for Ted’s kids to be adopted as well.

Beyond that, we see Ted’s daughter as an infant in the recent episode “Trilogy Time”. The timeline is already pretty tight, given that the kids are teenagers in 2030. As of right now, there is just enough time for Ted to meet, court, marry, and impregnate the mother. Adoptions often take more time than making a baby the old-fashioned way, and that’s assuming that Ted and his wife would be approved to get a baby. Anyway, I went off on a bit of a tangent there, but that’s what I think about that!

3. The mother is dead.

I understand the appeal of this theory, and I can’t say for sure that it’s incorrect – but it really bugs me. It doesn’t make any sense! Think of it from the beginning – if these kids had a dead mother, wouldn’t they be (hopefully) sad, interested, or at least respectful of the story? These kids are Mosbys, for God’s sake! They probably pronounce things in the most douchey way possible (and that’s douchey, not douché), and love pro/con lists, and quote poetry, but do you really think a child of Ted Mosby would be so flippant about their mom being dead?

Yeah they’re teenagers, but that’s no reason to assume they would be assholes about it. Sighing in exasperation, asking dad to get on with it, asking dad if the story is finally over, etc. Makes no sense. Also if the mom did end up being dead at this point in the story, it would seriously piss off the fans. So let’s move on, shall we? PS: I made another meme! Look at me go.

4. The kids are a figment of Ted’s imagination.

This one gained a smidgen of credibility after the episode with Robin and Barney’s imaginary kids (“Symphony of Illumination”). But, again, how pissed off would fans be after we hung in there through so many seasons? For me, enjoying the show is about much, much more than just wondering who the mother is. BUT if they end it with some crappy cop-out ZOMG so meta conclusion I. Will. Be. Pissed. And I bet you will too! I still get annoyed thinking about the ridiculous ending that Seinfeld left us with. Similarly, a good show ending makes me happy for a long time. I think back fondly on the final episodes of Queer as Folk, and I’m still conflicted on the ending of That 70’s Show (I was so happy that Eric came back and him and Donna will be together, still pissed that Jackie ended up with Fez instead of Hyde. WTF was that about?! Okay, gotta let it go lol!). Anyway, as Barney would say, that is so not Raven!

5. The mother is Victoria, Stella, Karen, Blah Blah, or any of Ted’s other exes…

These have already been eliminated, based on their personal stories, Ted’s clues about the mother, and common sense. I know some of us were really attached to one potential mother or the other at some point in the past, but it’s time to move on. There is nothing indicating that the mother will be anyone that we’ve already met yet. And by “met”, I mean a character that has been on-screen (not just pics), and we have been told her name.

There you have it – five theories that I think need to be taken out of rotation. But I don’t want to end on a negative note, so here are some viable theories that we can keep focusing on:

Ted marries Barney’s half-sister Carly

Ted meets Carly at Barney’s wedding, where she is a guest and/or playing bass in the band

The Tracy theory

Lily and Marshall’s son will be named Marvin Jr (complication – one of Marshall’s brothers – probably Marvin Jr himself – already has a son named Marvin Jr. Maybe he is Marvin the 3rd? Not sure, but it would be weird if the baby had the exact same name as his cousin, right? See episode “Belly Full of Turkey”)

New potential name (and my vote for best Eriksen baby name): Aldrin Marvin Eriksen

Ted is the best man for both Barney and Robin (see episode “False Positive”)

The mother is Zoey’s step-daughter/The Captain’s daughter Hannah (see episode “Blitzgiving”)

The mother is the missed connection from the “Milk” episode

The mother is the “bump girl” in the club on St. Patrick’s Day (see episode “No Tomorrow”)

For what it’s worth, I think that the mother is almost ALL of those people: Carly Whittaker, guest/wedding band member, missed connection from “Milk”, St. Patrick’s Day girl from “No Tomorrow”, and, of course, Cindy’s roommate/student in the econ class Ted mistakenly tries to teach/owner of the yellow umbrella. The more connections there are, the more exciting it will be, and the more it will seem that they are truly soulmates. I don’t understand why so many people think it can ONLY be one of these possibilities – there’s no reason it can’t be more!

Okay guys, thoughts? Questions, comments, concerns?