Step 1: Notice When You're Feeling Off

It could be a feeling of anxiety, overwhelm, worry, fear, anger, or just that you should be “doing something”. When you notice that you’re feeling off, begin the process by set a timer for five minutes, to quiet your mind. Become willing to explore what’s going on in there without judgment, like an archaeologist or scientist.

Step 2: Listen For The “Should”

Just listen to the tapes that are playing in your head. It’s likely that there’s constant chatter – that is totally normal. Try your best not to get frustrated, and be grateful for whatever piece of your internal conversation you’re able to hear. When you identify a should, write it down. Some common examples are:

“I should be a better employee”

“I should be productive 100% of the work day”

“I should always find time to do what is asked of me, no matter what”

“I should constantly be connected to my email and phone in case anything comes up”

“I should read every email as soon as I receive it and reply as soon as possible”

“I should be confident in every situation”

“I should speak up more”

Step 3: Ask Yourself A Question

After you’ve been super honest with yourself about the rules that you’ve been living by, ask yourself if you believe them. Your grown up, mature, wise self. Do you really believe these rules you’re unconsciously living by? Make a note of which rules do not resonate with your belief system.

Hint: if it’s bothering you, the answer is pretty much always NO, you don’t believe it. If you believed it, it wouldn’t have come up as you were doing the exercise.

Step 4: Reframe

Rewrite the rule from a perspective of owning your personal power and ability to make decisions. Also, honor the fact that you can trust your mature wise self to make decisions that aren’t brash or selfish.

Here is an example:

SHOULD: “I should be constantly connected to my phone and email in case something comes up”

REFRAME: “I have a right to decide how much I want to be connected to my devices in order to maximize my productivity and to maintain my sense of inner peace. I have the right to openly communicate my desires to my colleagues with respect, and I have a right to maintain my boundaries. If I am asked to do something different, I have the right to consider the request and I trust myself to make a decision with integrity in these situations.”

You have to mentally massage these statements to get to one that ‘clicks’ for you. It will feel like it fits.

Step 5: What Lesson Does This Teach Me?

A really nice way to close off this exercise is to ask what this “should” statement tells you about yourself, and what you value. Here’s an example:

SHOULD: “I should be constantly connected to my phone and email in case something comes up”

LESSON: This teaches me that I value my role in an organization, and make my work a very high priority.

Go ahead and give it a try yourself! Here is a free downloadable worksheet if you need some extra structure.

When you're done, come on over to Facebook and tell me what should you worked through!