October 17, 2017 - News Post

Sigh… my hair looks stupid.

This weekend, I received yet another lopsided pompadour haircut. It’s truly starting to feel like a Nashville thing. What is it with this town?

I’ve lived in Nashville for less than 2 years, and in that time, I’ve gone to 7 different hair stylists (some more than once), and received 7 different botched, asymmetrical haircuts. My appearance is rarely perfect, but I’ve never had this consistent a problem with haircuts before. I can’t seem to escape it here.

A lot of guys here look like Elvis. I don’t want to look like Elvis. Why is it that I’ve gone decades of my life without ever looking like Elvis, only to be forced into his haircut again and again here in Nashville? Has my head suddenly changed shape? Have I accidentally been introducing myself as “the King” more than usual? Do people see my beard and think that my head needs to be horizontally symmetrical?

I’ve been to this current person 4 times. She lured me in by giving me 3 normal haircuts. This most recent time, there must’ve been an error in communication. I told her:

“That last haircut was perfect. I want the same thing. Please just trim it slightly.”

She heard:

“I hate hair that doesn’t look stupid. I want the sides super short and the top super long and stupid. Please make it lopsided and stupid.”

And so, my hair looks stupid.

I won’t be updating my cartoon Jeff because I intend to have this issue corrected. My hair grows fast, and everything will be back to normal soon. But for the next couple weeks, know that I’ll be staring at cartoon Jeff with the same envy that you do. Like you, I will be wishing that I looked that good, hoping that I too could embody such beauty.

Pity me while you can, because I’ll be back to pitying you soon enough.

-Jeff