Some historical claims are irrefutable: Hitler was a dick; Einstein was a brilliant sex maniac. A few other claims, however, are not quite as black and white. In honor of Labor Day, the only federal holiday that doesn't pay homage to a historical event or person, we've uncovered some 100-percent true reasons you should probably hate some of history's greatest heroes. Advertisement

Historical Figure: Patrick Henry What He's Remembered For

Most people know Patrick Henry as the radical revolutionary credited for demanding "Give me liberty or give me death," thereby inspiring all of Virginia to take up arms against British tyranny. Continue Reading Below Advertisement Why You Should Hate Him

Few people know that when he wasn't giving moving speeches, he was locking his wife in his basement. In Mindblowers, by Jim Rhine, we learn that for the last four years of her life Henry's wife was chained in her basement, possibly in a straitjacket and forbidden to see her children. It isn't unreasonable to conclude that the following conversation may have, at some point, occurred. Alright, honey, I'm going out for some beer and stronger chains. Anything you need? Yes. UNCHAIN ME FROM THE MOTHERFUCKING BASE ... Besides me unchaining you from the basement. Which we've discussed, remember? Remember, hon? How we discussed that? Continue Reading Below Advertisement Patrick, I swear to God, either give me liberty or give me death. Ha, ha! Well, no, of course. But ... waiiiittt ... that ... did you come up with that? Is that yours? Can I use that? What? What are you talking about? Honey, I think you just saved America. Awesome. Now, unchain me from the basement. That's just the sort of crazy talk I'd expect from a woman I chained in my basement.



Historical Figure: Gandhi What He's Remembered For

Being a spiritual leader in India who fought for Indian independence without ever resorting to violence. He's primarily known in America as that Macintosh spokesperson who looks sort of like E.T. Continue Reading Below Advertisement Why You Should Hate Him

Here's a quote from Gandhi: "I do not consider [name omitted] to be as bad as depicted. He is showing an ability that is amazing, and he seems to be gaining his victories without much bloodshed." Can you guess who's name was omitted? If you guessed Adolf Hitler, you're right and also totally insane for guessing that. You may remember Hitler as the character mentioned in the intro to this piece as an irrefutable dick. Apparently, Gandhi disagreed. We should have known this about Gandhi as soon as he started shaving his head ...