We all like to think of ourselves as savvy consumers. We aren't suckered in by the claims of cartoon bears who say their toilet paper is the best, and we know Milwaukee's Best is the greatest lie ever condensed into two words. But some marketing lies are so pervasive that even the most cautious of us gets suckered in ...

6 Hypoallergenic Is A Meaningless, Unregulated Term

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Parents spend literally hundreds of money to protect their children from dangerous allergic reactions, because of child neglect laws and like, love, or whatever. Collectively, billions are spent annually on hypoallergenic laundry detergent, lotion, makeup, anti-allergens, and pretty much anything else you can think of. Sure, they may cost a few bucks more, but you can't put a price on protection from nasty rashes or fits of acute death.

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"Your baby deserves to shit into only the finest materials."

But hypoallergenic claims are never investigated by the FDA, which means companies get to set their own definition. It can therefore mean anything from "hella not guaranteed to not cause a reaction" to "this product wouldn't have allergens in it anyway, but we like money so let's slap a fancy label on it." So, how do companies ensure their products won't cause you or your child to look like they tested the wrong food in Willy Wonka's factory?

They often don't. An examination of 187 hypoallergenic products found that 89 percent of them contained a chemical known to cause skin rashes, and 11 percent contained methylisothiazolinone, which was named the 2013 Contact Allergen of the Year by a dermatology society during the lamest award ceremony we could ever imagine.

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Although everyone knows the Dermies have been rigged against methylisothiazolinone for years.

Why won't the FDA reign in these histamine cowboys, you ask? Well, in the '70s they had the totally reasonable desire to limit the use of "hypoallergenic" to products that were tested and "proven to reduce allergic reactions." But manufacturers complained that testing would be too expensive, and apparently that excuse, despite being terrible, totally works. The FDA says that "the term means whatever a particular company wants it to mean" on its website, while all us silly consumers thought it meant one very specific and very crucial thing.