You’re casting the lead in an action movie. No, we don’t care if you’re reading this on the can, we’re making this decision now. Well, we just picked you OK? Look, we know you’re still on the other side of the stall door, we can hear you breathing.

Anyways, what qualities do you want in your lead action hero? I’m sorry, “Leave me alone” is not a quality. We’ll just answer for you. Big muscles? An iron jaw? Penchant for clever quips before snapping a villain’s neck? Dirty t-shirt whose bulge reveals a substantial paunch? Hm, kind of went off the rails with the last one there, but that’s OK, it’s actually what we were looking for!

David Carradine in Future Force is what you’d get if Arnold substituted creatine with frosting, Stallone started cutting his own hair and Seagal...Well, Seagal wouldn’t have to change much actually. As John Tucker, he’s the only member of the C.O.P.S. (Civilian Operated Police Incorporated) (That’s not a joke) who’s interested in standing up to corruption.

Fortunately, he’s got an incredible weapon at his disposal: his robotic remote-controlled glove, which can fire deadly lasers and fly and bears a hilarious resemblance to the Nintendo Power Glove. Something this powerful comes with great responsibility, so fortunately Carradine leaves it in his Jeep’s trunk most of the time and uses a standard pistol instead.

Aside from video phones in cars, the dystopian future of 1991 is not noticeably different from actual 1991, though we did notice a distinct lack of Color Me Badd music. So perhaps there isn’t much to complain about. Grab a warm can of High Life, slap on some Gold Bond Medicated Powder and get ready to watch David Carradine try not to pull a groin muscle while he’s kicking some butt in Future Force.

From the producers of the MST3K classic Space Mutiny!

Get the sequel Future Zone here!