So David is standing naked in front of his warm sprawling fireplace with a paintbrush on one hand and a glass of Utica Club in the other saying “hey bill, why don’t you go check out Bobby Trivia’s hockey game tonight”. And I’m thinking “yea Dave, that’s just a great idea, we’re at the tail end of a polar vortex and one of America’s coldest weather front in history and going to an ice rink is exactly what I wanted to do”. Meanwhile Asa says, “come pick me up, that sounds fun!”

Bobby Trivia captains an ice hockey team in Panorama City and all you need to know about the city is that Kirk Cameron - actor turned ape shit Christian was born there. The name of the team is the Coyotes and are currently in the middle of the standings about to play the Snipers, the best team in their league. It should be a fun game…or they’ll get their ass kicked.

. As I start making my way toward primate heaven, I get a text from Asa with one of those celebrity excuses “…running around for AVN. I’m too exhausted to go, count me out”. Exhaustion? What the hell is she talking about, we just saw her have a 20 minute sex scene in Insatiable 2 where she gets dragged on the floor by her hair and some beast of a man pounds the makeup off her face. But now she’s “exhausted”.

. Getting into the ice rink, its colder inside than it is outside. Is that possible? I eat some cold baked potato chips. No bueno.

. The game is about to start, but hey, no national anthem. What kind of communist run ice rink is this.

. The Coyotes come out on the floor one by one. Holy shit, here comes Bobby Trivia in his robocop helmet and thick padding that makes him look like he’s wearing the original transitor powered Ironman armor underneath - not the Mark V. He’s going to hurt someone easily.

. Than a small guy comes out, its Yen Yen bill, y'alll, Bobbys personal assistant. But he’s not big, more like Astro boy zipping around the ice. No one catches that guy. Yen is quick like an apple juice ejaculation.

. The other team scores the first goal but Yen comes right back and scores!

. The other team scores the 2nd goal but Yen comes right back and scores again! Why doesn’t Yen have his own jersey, he’s got some generic white sweatshirt on. C'mon man, he’s like the team’s best player.

. The other team scores the 3rd goal and someone I don’t care about on the Coyotes ties it up again.

. I’m cheering them on and realize I’m the only fan so I lose a bet with Asa made earlier. I thought there would be more than 9 fans. Apparently Asa was right, Everyone does hate Trivia.

. There’s a chaotic scuffle going on in front of the goalie when Bobby rides up, swings his stick and while everyone is wincing in slow motion, the goal flutters in for the go ahead score. 4 to 3. Everyone’s cheering!

. A few guys play with long long blonde hair tied up in a pony tail. That looks weird. 60’s hippie, weed farmer, college drop out yes. Hockey player no.

. The other team has the puck and is heading toward their net but they’re avoiding Bobby and heading toward the other Defenseman - who turns around and is skating away. Errrr, I don’t know hockey but aren’t you suppose to be defending your goal with your back to the net, not skating away. Well, the other team ties it up and they head into overtime.

. The Coyotes lose the shoot out and the game.

Oh man, the pain of losing hurts - might as well lick a flag pole while you’re at it. Bobby, Yen and I go to some bar down the street and grab some console time. Nice to get some venting done. Meanwhile Asa is sleeping under her warm fuzzy blanket and David just finished up his cheap beer.