It’s the college sports offseason, and we like to have a little fun here at College Spun. Recently we started debating (coincidentally, right after ABC Family’s Harry Potter marathon) which Hogwarts Houses certain college football coaches would find themselves sorted into. It actually was quite an interesting discussion, especially once we started talking about the SEC.

We thought we’d share the list with you all. This is where we think each SEC football coach would end up:

(List is in alphabetical order by last name of the coaches)

Bret Bielema, Arkansas — Hufflepuff

Bielema is a hard worker who coaches without a ton of a flash — his Wisconsin teams were very successful but didn’t make too many highlight reels. Bielema also finds himself surrounded by women Cedric Diggory-style, with past rumors regarding Erin Andrews, not to mention his beautiful wife.



James Franklin, Vanderbilt — Hufflepuff

Two in a row to start! Franklin is a very loyal coach, and a great ambassador for Vanderbilt. He also provided one of the coolest moments of last year’s offseason when rewarding a walk-on with a surprise scholarship in front of all his teammates.



Hugh Freeze, Ole Miss — Ravenclaw

Freeze is a smart coach, and even in his short stint at Ole Miss, he has the team heading in the right direction. That being said, bravery isn’t really his thing.



Butch Jones, Tennessee — Gryffindor

Have a feeling that Butch Jones is going to be a very good coach when all is said and done — Peyton Manning himself thinks Jones is destined for greatness. Jones is also a high character guy, maintaining close friendships with coaches who are now big rivals. He also works very hard, and is all over the practice field.



Gus Malzahn, Auburn — Slytherin

The Sorting Hat is putting Malzahn in Slytherin just because his wife is so insane.



Les Miles, LSU — Ravenclaw

This was a tough one — many will probably be shocked that Miles isn’t down in the dungeons with the Malfoy family. There is no question that Miles is eccentric, known as the “The Mad Hatter“, but in many cases his wild play-calling and strange decision-making have paid off — he’s crafty, like a Ravenclaw. He also describes himself as a strong Christian, and loves to wear purple.

Dan Mullen, Mississippi State — Hufflepuff

Plain and simple, Mullen seems like a lover, not a fighter. He even sends out Mother’s Day cards to the moms of players that he is recruiting.

Will Muschamp, Florida — Slytherin

Don’t get on Muschamp’s bad side — it is downright scary. Not to mention, Muschamp isn’t afraid to play dirty to win.

Gary Pinkel, Missouri — Slytherin

Pinkel likes to rub elbows with the elite — he was a former teammate of Nick Saban’s and his college roommate was Steelers great Jack Lambert. Pinkel has been at Missouri for a long time, but seems content to just keep on keeping on.



Mark Richt, Georgia — Gryffindor

Mark Richt, like most Gryffindors, is very high character. Not only does he care about the Georgia program, but the whole state as well. He also has won at an incredibly high rate in his career (74.7%), and family is extremely important to him.



Nick Saban, Alabama — Slytherin

Nick Saban is a great coach, there’s no doubt about that, but Tom Riddle was pretty impressive as a Slytherin too. Saban has been referred to as “the devil” several times recently, and many consider him one of college football’s dirtiest coaches. This one was easy.

Steve Spurrier, South Carolina — Ravenclaw

Spurrier has won, and won big, at every single stop of his career. He’s one of the smartest coaches in college football, even though he is often overshadowed in his own conference by Miles and Saban. He does show Ravenclaw savvy and cleverness in how he handles his players though, letting them know that he thinks they should be paid.

Mark Stoops, Kentucky — Hufflepuff

Putting Stoops in Hufflepuff makes sense because he’s yet to prove himself as a head coach. But, there’s nothing wrong with Hufflepuff, right?

Kevin Sumlin, Texas A&M — Gryffindor

There’s no question that Sumlin is anything but “cool”. In his first year on the job at Texas A&M, he led the Aggies to 11 wins in a loaded SEC. He also brings in a DJ and turntables to practices to makes things fun, which has earned him serious loyalty from his players. He’s brave enough to face the giants in the big, bad SEC and is ready to take the program to the next level. He’s a perfect fit for Gryffindor.

