It’s been a long time since I’ve heard the term “homosexual” used in a context outside of homophobic rhetoric, mostly political. The word has always seemed like it held a negative connotation, like “the homosexuals are taking over” type of thing. I feel like it’s time to change that.

I came out as a lesbian when I was 14 and haven’t questioned my sexuality since. I saw the term “lesbian” as something that described me well. I was a woman who liked other women, exclusively. But now that term has been twisted and used to mean other things.

Lesbian is now being used by transgender women as a label for themselves. They claim that because they identify as a woman they can use this term. I’ve become so tired of transgender activists becoming furious at lesbians who are only attracted to other women. We are told that this means we have “genital preferences”. I don’t have a genital preference. I am attracted to a sex. The same sex that I am.

There are many issues with the phrase “genital preferences”. It implies that attraction is a choice. No, I am not going to adjust my genital preferences, because 1) they’re not preferences and 2) I can’t change who I’m attracted to. You should never feel bad about who you’re attracted to because you can’t choose who you’re attracted to. If being gay was a choice, way more people would be straight. It’s not always easy to be gay, especially if you live in a country where homosexuality is illegal or criminalized. Calling who you’re attracted to a preference seems very close to the beliefs of conversion therapy, where your attraction is said to be “changed” through therapy. Trying to change who you’re attracted to doesn’t work, and is also very psychologically harmful during the process. So don’t feel bad about whoever you’re attracted to. They say sexual fluidity is a thing, so if your attraction naturally changes, cool. But that’s not the same thing as forcing it to change.

I now call myself a homosexual because I don’t want to call myself a lesbian and then have transgender women be offended when I don’t want to date or have sex with them. 1) Sex is not a right and 2) If someone doesn’t want to have sex with you, you can’t threaten them or tell them that they are a bigot. I will repeat: Sex is not a right.

If I call myself a homosexual you better not call me a transphobe because I don’t want to have sex with a man wearing a dress and tights. I am not attracted to the clothes a woman wears. A woman I find attractive can be wearing a blazer and dress pants and that would not change my attraction towards her. So why do transgender women think that I would want to sleep with them if they throw on a dress one day? Homosexual = attracted to people of the same sex. No matter how many hormones you take and how many surgeries you undergo, you can’t change your sex. So if you are male, I’m not going to be attracted to you no matter what you wear or how “feminine” you act. I love the female body, and that’s not going to change.

People may ask, “if you’re homosexual, are you attracted to transgender men?”. That’s a hard question. For some people like me, they might answer either way. For me, it’s more of a gray area. If a transgender man has not undergone any hormone therapy or surgeries, I could be attracted to them. I have met a few transgender men who are okay with my homosexual identity. I also have found some non-binary identifying women attractive in the past. I have never pursued any of these people because previously that made you “bisexual” or “pansexual”. So that’s another reason I call myself homosexual. Because no matter how you identify, if you are female (which means that you are biologically a woman), I have the capacity to find you attractive. If you’re not, tough luck.

The key to sexuality (if you are someone who is sexual) is to find a person (or people) who are attracted to you. I don’t see the benefits in calling a person who doesn’t want to have sex with you a bigot. Why do the people who do this even want to have sex with someone who doesn’t want to have sex with them? Consent is cool and one of the most important components of sex or any type of sexual encounter.

So the bottom line is: I don’t call myself a homosexual to be edgy or anything. I find that because of how sexual identifying terms have been taken from the people they actually belong to, we need to find our own terms. Terms don’t have to be inclusive of everyone. Consider QPOC (queer people of color). White people aren’t trying to call themselves QPOC. You can’t just take a group’s label and apply it to yourself. One of the biggest issues I find myself running into with the transgender movement is the erasure of women and the invasion of our safe spaces. Until our voices are heard, I’m going to keep calling myself a homosexual.