The popular HBO drama Game of Thrones set a new record this season for the illegal downloading of a television show, and the U.S. Ambassador to Australia, Jeffrey L. Bleich, is very unhappy about it. He’s also pretty sure that one of the totally fictional characters from the show would be unhappy about it too.

Noting that today is the 17th annual UN World Book and Copyright Day, Bleich posted a message on Facebook this Tuesday titled “Stopping the Game of Clones” where he (rightfully) lauded Game of Thrones “as a great epic chronicling the devious machinations of rival noble houses fighting for supremacy” and asked fans to stop illegally uploading and downloading the show, calling the widespread torrenting of fans “nearly as epic and devious as the drama.”

The file-sharing news website TorrentFreak estimated that Game of Thrones was the most-pirated TV series of 2012. One episode was illegally downloaded about 4,280,000 times through public BitTorrent trackers in 2012, which is about equal to the number of that episode’s broadcast viewers. In other words, about half of that episode’s viewers stole the program from HBO. As the Ambassador here in Australia, it was especially troubling to find out that Australian fans were some of the worst offenders with among the highest piracy rates of Game of Thrones in the world.

As a closing note, Bleich speculated on the possible response to the illegal downloading of the show by one of its fictional characters: “So please celebrate UN World Book and Copyright Day by doing the right thing – Tyrion Lannister will thank you for it. ”

Yes, illegal downloading is a massive world-wide phenomenon that deprives creators–or more often, intellectual property owners–from earning profits off their copyrighted material. But respectfully, Mr. Ambassador: Tyrion Lannister would not give a shit.

We’re told that the Lannisters always pay their debts, but if we’ve learned anything from reading the Song of Ice and Fire novels by George R. R. Martin (or the HBO series that adapts them to the small screen) it’s that they’re far more concerned with getting what they want–and not who it harms along the way. And despite being a fairly moral character relative to the egomaniacs and sociopaths surrounding him, Tyrion is nothing if not a brilliant, politically savvy manipulator who is perfectly willing to lie, manipulate and coerce the people around him to achieve his goals.

Granted, he’d have no problem flipping a coin at HBO thanks to family’s enormous wealth, but if for any reason he found himself with limited resources and no convenient way to watch an episode of Game of Thrones, you’d best believe that minor ethical hurdles and minimal effort wouldn’t stop him from torrenting. (Though most likely he’d delegate the actual work to his squire Pod.)

Taking a page from Bleich’s book, however, the Underwire staff decided to imagine how other Game of Thrones characters would feel about torrenting Game of Thrones:

Ned Stark: Waits for the DVD, and grimaces quietly as everyone who downloaded it spoils all the twists on Twitter.

Littlefinger: Pirates it, sells bootleg DVDs, and then publicly tut tuts about the evils of illegal downloading.

Jon Snow: Insists that he doesn’t watch it or care about the show but secretly reads summaries on Wikipedia.

Salladhor Saan: Pirates it, obviously.

Davos: Used to pirate, but got slapped on the wrist with an RIAA “copyright alert letter” and is now on the straight and narrow.

Robb Stark: Watched a pirated version at a friend’s house by accident and then felt so guilty he pre-ordered all the DVDs AND subscribed to HBO.

Melisandre: Doesn’t watch the show. She’s read the books, so she’s already knows what’s going to happen anyway. Or so she thinks.