Today you are going to learn all about Chris Pratt, and the biggest thing you’ll learn is that he is awesome. That’s probably not a shock to you. Chances are you’ve seen Pratt in a movie or a TV show in recent years and you’ve thought to yourself, That guy looks kind of cool. So many actors seem like cocks, but I would hang with that guy! Your instincts have served you well. Chris Pratt is as advertised. He is not a cock.

The fact that he starred in two of the biggest movies this year—The Lego Movie and Guardians of the Galaxy (both of which featured the word awesome in their theme music)—is but the tip of the iceberg. Pratt’s awesomeness can be subdivided into no fewer than forty-one parts. I only spent a day with the guy, and in that day we shot guns, we grilled dead animals, we got mad at as shole drivers, we busted out some really good whiskey, we smoked cigars, we hung out at his house, we talked about strippers and compound bows, and he told highly amusing stories about Mickey Rourke and David Letterman being dicks. All of that is awesome. None of that is lame. I don’t really want to share Pratt with you, frankly. HANDS OFF I SAW HIM FIRST.

Yep, it’s gonna get very journo-porny around here, and I apologize in advance. But Pratt is a one-man industry of awesome. He is a BuzzFeed listicle that your mommy forwards to you, in human form. So let’s turn this thing into an awesome Chris Pratt-icle starting NOW.

1. Chris Pratt will bring all the firearms to the party.

I don’t have to pack anything for today’s man-date in Los Angeles. Pratt’s bringing the guns, the ammo, and the clay pigeons. Later, he will also insist on paying our grocery tab. He picks me up outside my hotel in his blood red Ford F-150 Raptor pickup. A big kick-ass American FUCK YOU truck. You could fit Oklahoma inside it. Where did he get this truck? I’m glad I’m pretending you asked!

2. He bought the truck two weeks ago, on the way back from a bachelor party in Reno. It was a chill bachelor party. A mature, stripper-free bachelor party. Just a bunch of guys sitting around, getting smashed on homemade whiskey. "I was pretty worthless the whole weekend," he says. He bought the truck and drove it back to L.A. in time to be on the set of Parks and Recreation the next morning. How could Pratt make a $50,000 impulse purchase just like that?

3. Because Chris Pratt motherfucking owned everyone’s motherfucking shit this year. He starred in the number one and number three highest-grossing movies of 2014: Guardians of the Galaxy, in which he surprised everyone by deftly anchoring a new Marvel Studios franchise, and The Lego Movie, which surprised everyone by being a razor-sharp, legitimately funny comedy and not a glorified toy commercial. The massive success of Guardians was a particular shock, given that Pratt had never headlined a movie before, and given that no one had previously given a crap about Guardians (apologies to the comic’s three loyal fanboys), and given that Pratt, playing a character named Star-Lord, spent the movie surrounded by a green alien, a homicidal raccoon, and a grunting tree. But he pulled that off, even though...

4. Everyone originally thought he was too fat for the role. "I thought it was an insane idea to cast the fat guy from Parks and Rec as the lead of our superhero movie," says Guardians of the Galaxy director James Gunn. "I didn’t really even want to see him." You can probably guess what happened next: Skeptical director brings in fat, unheralded actor for an audition and is BLOWN AWAY, so much so that...