1. You know his best friend — the guy he can't live without? Show up at his apartment wearing only a trench coat.

2. Hack into his Facebook profile and change his interests to freeganism, Paul Reiser, and face tattoos.

3. Decorate his car with a bumper sticker that declares "Small penis onboard."

4. Wait until he's dining with a new date, then call the restaurant and ask the maître d' to tell him that "his kids are on the phone and they're wondering how long they'll have to wait out in the cold."

5. Become really, really, really hot.

6. When you go over to his place to claim your assorted belongings, stealthily swipe all of his remotes.

7. Gain notoriety for your blog "Hilarious Things I Found in My Ex's Trash."

8. Casually mention to him that you finally got around to all those kinky sexual fantasies he was dying to try with you and, well, they're fantastic.

9. Pay your pregnant friend to pee on a stick that you leave for him with a Thanks for nothing note attached.

10. Write your names inside a big heart on his lawn...with gasoline. Have a match handy for when he arrives.

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