Derek, age seven

"Wow, it's really you, Santa! I didn't think you were real!"

"Marvellous. That observation comes from a deep place of innate wisdom, Derek. After all, each of us is merely an ephemeral apparition projected by the ego."

"Haha ... um ... aren't you going to ask me if I've been good?"

"Well, sure. It's of course entirely subjective, but I'm curious to hear your interpretation of the word."

"Uh ... you mean, what does 'good' mean?"

"Yes."

"Uh ... not bad?"

"Precisely, Derek. Precisely. Absurd, isn't it?"

Wayne, age four

"WAAAHHHHH!"

"Why are you crying, precious one?"

"DYLAN KICKED ME! GIMME A PRESENT!"

"Ah, I see. Well, did you know that you have already received a gift today, Wayne?"

(Sniffling.) "Whaddya mean?"

"Well, when we experience dukkha, or suffering, we're given a chance to more deeply understand the temporary nature of all things. Just as suffering must end, so will pleasure. Your pain is a doorway to enlightenment. I lovingly encourage you to see what lies beyond it."

"But I wanna Nerf gun."

"Happiness and sorrow replace one another, cyclically. The wheel turns. All is fleeting. Om shanti shanti."

Ella, age six

"Santa! I love you! Are you SO EXCITED it's Christmas?"

"That's a complicated question. I'm troubled by the holiday's tendency toward consumerism, yet I'm drawn to the joy and light that the season also brings. It's a good time of year to remind ourselves that there's but a fine line between attachment and aversion. Ultimately, I look forward to the clean, untarnished slate the new year promises—though, of course, I understand that purity is an illusion, like all things."

"We made reindeer cookies!"

"Wonderful. Revel in tangible satisfactions, Ella. It is not pleasure itself that harms, but the grasping for pleasure."

Lourdes, age two

"Hahahahahaha!"

"Ha ha, hello! My goodness—what a joyful child!"

"Eeeeee!"

"Your primitive vocalizations are emanating from a place of raw sensation—how extraordinary! Your root chakra is glowing."

"WANT ELSA FWOZEN PWINCESS BARBIE! WANT NOW!"

"Why would I give you anything at all? You are a divine being. You contain the universe in its entirety."

Dakota, age nine

"Santa, hi. Great to see you. I've been pretty good this year. My analyst says I'm making progress on my aggression issues. So I'm just going to jump in with my wish list—I've got a PowerPoint cued up on the tablet here—and then we can circle back on the details since I know we're both busy."

"Fascinating."

"O.K., I'm gonna need these these chunky Steve Madden ankle boots, an infinity scarf from Lululemon, and a Kate Spade cover for my iPhone 6s. Sound good?"

"I'm going to suggest something even better—a gift you can only give yourself—freedom from desire. The dharma teaches us that only when we shed the weight of our own cravings can we achieve bodhi, or enlightenment."

"W.T.F.?"

"Namaste, Dakota."