Some say that the government and the media are partners in a vast conspiracy, with a goal of making you so afraid that you'll submit to their every desire. And, well-that sounds about right. Whether it's the threat of a terrorist attack, a shady foreign dictator, or men putting their genitals into other men, the powers that be want to keep you afraid of things you simply shouldn't be afraid of. Here are the six most unwarranted sources of fear the Man uses to keep you dumb"ÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂ¦ and Himself in power.

1 AL QAEDA IN IRAQ

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The Hype

The various clowns helming the Bush administration have touted the importance of confronting an Iraqi Al Qaeda group since the run-up to the war (when Al Qaeda had less to do with Iraq than John Goodman does with the Tour de France). The uber-feminine Senator Lindsay Graham (R-SC), for example, claimed in a recent press release that US forces are "making great progress in crushing Al Qaeda in Iraq," and that "The defeat of Al Qaeda in Iraq should be our No. 1 priority."

Why You Should Blow It Off

Underground newsletter TIME magazine reports that Al Qaeda in Iraq "comprises no more than five percent of the insurgency, according to US intelligence estimates." No wonder things are going so laughably bad-if "Girl Name" Graham is right, our No. 1 priority comprises only five percent of the bad guys. That'd be like the A-Team fighting a group of 20 kidnappers (they always do), but they all just beat the shit out of one dude.

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What You Should Actually Be Pissing Your Pants About

Muqtada al-Sadr's Mahdi Army, Ivan Drago to Al Qaeda in Iraq's Danny LaRusso.