We all know one. The “Pick Me Bitch”. That woman or girl who has nothing good to say about other women. Hyper judgemental and more often than not, parroting the criticisms of women made by men. Quick to comment on other’s women’s lives by unfavorably comparing them to hers. She’s “not like other girls”. She doesn’t engage in all the lame shit the rest of the feminine world does. She’s far too evolved to hang around other women with all their dramas. She’s too cool for female friends. She’s special.

Even if you don’t know one personally, you’ve seen them on TV or read their opinions. You’ve seen the online posts and memes. They say and post such things as “if he cheats, it’s your fault” “Men date sluts but marry good girls” “of course men see you as a ho, look at all the sexy selfies you post” I can post myriad examples of women being awful to other women. All going back to how the poster is different and so much better than the thots. (That is a word that means “that ho over there” cute huh?)

Why? Why do women do this? Male approval, of course! Now, some of us may not know that’s why…but that’s why. We may learn it from our parents and society. The male view is always the dominant view. We may not even be aware when we do it, but think about how common it is. Basically, she’s internalized the misogyny that’s all around us every day. Men do not like or are confused about things women may do and so those things become derogatory. The pick me girl repeats and believes the core male beliefs about women. This can manifest in so many different ways. Think of all the things about women men complain about.

Why does this even matter? Who cares if some women don’t like other women? It matters because the pick me girl is validating all those make bullshit assumptions about how women are. She’s telling them that their sexist opinions are true. It makes misogyny okay. How can a man’s thoughts about women be wrong when there are women who can prove his point? Feminists are just too sensitive and uptight. This girl is “one of the guys” in the worst possible way. Think of GOP woman politicians and you get the gist of the issue.

There’s nothing I can do to change individuals behavior. I can’t make “pick me”s stop being so problematic. I can call them out on their bullshit and I often do. I had an incredibly brainwashed girl tell me a victim of an assault was “asking for it” because she was alone with two guys. I’m pretty sure that a conversation she won’t forget. We sometimes think as feminists, that we can’t fault other women. Bullshit, anyone supporting rape culture needs to be told what’s what…and in the strongest of terms. Be vocal and always remember that silence often is viewed as tacit agreement. Tell the Pick Me Bitch exactly what she is…a bitch.