Annie’s Mailbox, 30 May 2013:

Dear Annie: I am in my 20s and am engaged to a beautiful girl. Our religion prohibits sex before marriage. But when “Donna” tells me to stop kissing her, I persist. I don’t see why not. It’s just kissing. Donna says she has not been firm enough with me and when she says no, she means no. Yesterday, I was sitting next to Donna and started kissing her on the lips. She said no, and when I didn’t stop, she slapped my face. It felt like I had been stung by a bee. Donna told me she definitely had to slap me. My cousin said that in a dating situation, the woman sets the rules, and it is her prerogative to slap a man’s face if she feels he has gone too far. Do you agree? I don’t think she had to slap me. — John

Dear John,

Man oh man, if there is one thing you are it is a reasonable dude who has a really good understanding of personal boundaries, and if there’s one thing you aren’t, its about five millimeters away from certified rapist.

Donna should be more polite when declining your advances, otherwise how are you expected to know when to stop kissing her without her consent and expressly against her will after she has told you “no” multiple times? There’s nothing worse than someone who gets an attitude about being forced into non-consensual sexual activity.

The rudest possible thing a woman can do is try to physically escape from a man who is just trying to engage in some non-consensual sexual activity with her. Your cousin is right: it is a woman’s responsibility to stop a man, whose biological maleness leaves him no other choice, from physically violating her.

I am so, so sorry that you had to experience a stinging pain in your cheek, the worst thing that can ever happen to a man who has no intention of stopping non-consensual contact with a woman just because she says she doesn’t like or want said contact, as if she has some claim to her own bodily integrity, which we all know is ridiculous, because if she didn’t really want to be kissed, she would have fought harder. But not too hard. Politely.