Name: The Facebook manifesto.

Age: One day old.

Appearance: A 5,700-word Facebook post.

What does it say? You can read it for yourself – Facebook’s founder, Mark Zuckerberg, posted it for all to see.

Are you kidding? Didn’t you just say it was 5,700 words long? OK, here’s the gist of it: “Progress now requires humanity coming together not just as cities or nations, but also as a global community.”

What is this global community of which he speaks? He means Facebook.

So he’s saying he runs Facebook, and Facebook should run the world. No. He’s saying: “In times like these, the most important thing we at Facebook can do is develop the social infrastructure to give people the power to build a global community that works for all of us.”

A global community of cute cats and fake news? He spoke out against the latter, if not the former. “Social media is a short-form medium where resonant messages get amplified many times,” he wrote. “This rewards simplicity and discourages nuance.”

If he’s admitting that Facebook makes you stupid, he’ll get no argument from me. He has also noticed that “people share stories based on sensational headlines without ever reading the story”.

That’s about as good a definition of Facebook as I’ve heard. And he has taken on board the alarming tendency for Facebook users to live in “filter bubbles” where they are only exposed to opinions they concur with.

Tell me about it. If my second cousin’s husband wasn’t a racist moron, I’d never hear the other side of the story. Don’t worry – he’s gonna fix all that. Ultimately, Zuckerberg just wants people to become better informed and more civically engaged.

He sounds like a politician. All that’s missing is a stirring quote from Abe Lincoln. There was even one of those: “The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew, act anew.”

Is Zuckerberg planning to run for president or something? He says no, but there have been rumours, and he has recently indulged in other candidate-like behaviour – hiring political operatives, touring the US and suddenly speaking up for religion.

A weird billionaire businessman for president – what next? Indeed.

Do say: “OMG – Mark for P! :)”

Don’t say: “tl;dr.”