Husbands, like wives are humans. They are going to make mistakes, face set backs, and experience difficulty both in their personal and professional lives. I recently went live on my Facebook page talking about supporting your husband through change. My husband is going through an unexpected job change. It’s a change that neither of us expected, but thankfully to date I’ve handled it pretty well. But this can go really wrong if you don’t handle it appropriately and can do a lot of damage to your relationship. Let’s talk about what not to do, and what to do instead.

Your first response is the most important. That initial reaction will dictate how everything else goes. When your husband is experiencing hardship and your initially respond poorly, it can be an uphill battle to regain his trust. Your first response should be empathy. If you feel like expressing judgement, this is your opportunity to exhibit some self-control.

Let’s talk about what not to do.

Husbands question their worthiness and ability to provide enough on their own, they don’t need a wife to chime in and add to that. Because men do not typically express their concerns in the same way as women, women don’t realize that their husbands are processing this set back in their own way. Many wives take their husband’s quietness as a sign that they aren’t concerned with problem solving. Instead, this is just an example of the differences between men and women.

Men are incredibly fragile to failure. Their stoicism is a protective mechanism for both you and him. Not sharing with you every thought that is racing through his head is a way to protect you from the realities of a situation and not wanting you to feel insecure about the safety of his ability to provide.

Empathy is not mothering. This is a trap that so many women fall into. We feel like as wives when our husband is knocked down that its all the sudden our job to take care of him and fix everything. The worst thing you could do in this situation would be to treat him like a child or try to solve his problem for him. Giving advice is not what your husband wants or needs or wants, this is his problem to solve. Instead he needs you to recognize that this is difficult for him, but you are confident that he can handle it.





This is not the time to show off what a great problem solver you are. All that does is send the message that he is a failure and you could do it better. Even if our intentions are good, you must always weigh what is best for the other person, in this case your husband.

So what does being a supportive wife look like when your husband is facing difficulty?

Listen

Listen carefully when you husband talks about the situation. Listen to understand what he has to say and what his perception is of the situation. At this point, responding it not important. Free your mind from the distraction of thinking what to say next.

Give empathy

You can say “that sounds really difficult”. This is not the time to give advice, just think of recognizing and validating your husbands feelings about the complexities of the situation he is in. For more on this, read my post on giving quality attention.

Express your confidence

Respond with your faith in him to handle this problem. Tell him that you know he is capable and that you trust him. Point out his positive traits. Encourage him that he can come out ahead.

Sex

Nothing bolster’s a man’s ego and confidence more than being desired by his wife. Show him that even though he is going through difficulty elsewhere in his life that he still turns you on!

Your husband can and will make mistakes. Getting through difficulty together in a positive way can increase your bond. Your job as a wife is to respond with empathy and acceptance of who he is. After all, you’re his biggest fan!

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