Sometimes recaps come easily and sometimes they come hard, and sometimes they break the long standing rule of having recaps come out before the next episode, and break it in spectacular fashion. This recap managed the latter by virtue of being, in my professional medical opinion, fucking cursed. Writer’s block to start, then my computer Chernobyl’d, and sometime between the swarm of locusts and all the firstborn sons of Egypt dying I had to admit that busting out the rock salt and lighter fluid so I could go full Winchester on this recap’s ass wasn’t a mature way to deal with my problems, and here we are. Non-cursed recaps can be found at the RECAP MASTERPOST, but click the KEEP READING below to see how I salvaged this disaster by adding in as many Raven jokes as possible!

Thanks to all for the patience and messages of support in this long wait. Short of an apocalypse, this was a hopefully isolated incident, and I’ve even got V4C6’s recap dropping tomorrow as a Christmas bonus. But man, this recap… If I had to compare the process of creation to eating steaks, then V4C4’s recap was a medium rare filet mignon, so succulent and bloody it’s like biting into an orgasm sandwich on freshly baked cocaine bread, and bathed in some deliciously creamy mushroom sauce, while this one was a little… tougher. Chewier. Probably killed a guy at some three star motel restaurant after he choked on it, and even if the wait staff or other patrons knew the Heimlich Manoeuvre, they chose not to out of general human apathy. And if we were also comparing to pasta dishes, then V4C4’s recap was a perfectly al dente fettuccine drizzled in garlic and balsamic vinegar and gently topped with parmesan cheese, served with a finely aged Elvish wine in a glass made of spun dreams and eaten with cutlery made from unicorn horns, and this one was store-brand Spaghetti-Os. Point is, I’m very hungry. And I miss Raven. And I should get to it already.

EXT. Docks. Blake and Sun have made it to Oregon, dysentery-free.

Previously, the best thing to ever come out of Australia was Farscape. And me. And that one Prime Minister who disappeared at sea, then got several swimming pools named in his honour. And now, happy days, we can add Blake to the list.



Menagerie is not just one Full House, it’s a Fuller House as well, it’s that crowded. The only Faunus living there comfortably are probably the Sardine Faunus, but they probably have other problems, such as their fierce rivalry with the nearby Anchovie Faunus clan.

Blake, literally strutting around like she owns the place (boy we will be getting to that in a bit) explains the history of the place, which is basically what you’d expect: Faunus wanted equality, humans were dicks, war ensued, Faunus were given a crappy island to live on and told to make do.

And while an island that’s two-thirds desert and filled with drop bears and spontaneous bushfires make the Australia comparisons easiest, the history of Menagerie more closely evokes Native American reservations (twenty bucks the Schnees were distributing the smallpox blankets. Certainly would explain that RWBY Chibi episode about Schneesgiving…) . But hey, if the Faunus shipped off to Menagerie murdered the Aboriginal population there, then we’ll go back to Australia jokes.

It’s no wonder the White Fang was formed; the veneer of equality seems pretty thin when their kingdom is a piece of bread compared to the other kingdoms’s nine course buffet. And dammit now I’m hungry again.

Now that she’s home, it’s time for Blake to face the music: that she was secretly a Disney Princess all along. Speaking of music, where’s my Disney Princess Blake song? It’s probably heavy metal … Wait a second. Oh my god From Shadows is a Disney Princess song. This. Changes. Everything.

Real talk, the body language Blake has in this little exchange is adorable. The sheer reluctance she has to reveal herself as one of those rich kids who runs away from home and becomes an activist and then has to come crawling back home for more money. It’s all unravelling for her. She’ll never be the cool edgy loner again. High-larious.

Sun’s reaction matches my own: Hahaha holy What. The. Actual. Hell. Four years of recapping teaches a guy to roll with the punches, be they endless sisters or Weiss’s brother and mother being alive, but damn Blake, you kept this one quiet. Living in the biggest house in the sardine can, the ability to legally own a harem…

When they arrive at the Belladonna Manor, Blake becomes skittish. No kid likes to come home and own up to their actions to their parents, especially if they involve multiple terrorist acts and befriending Schnees.



Kinda strange to realise that this time last year we only knew that three of seven parents of the main four were alive, and now we’re batting a solid six out of seven (provided Summer’s not vacationing in Tahiti). Thankfully, including Nora and Ren reduces the average living parent to dead parent ratio just a bit, and hey, there’s no guarantee both of Pyrrha’s are alive (and Pyrrha’s own death’s gotta count for something!). Or that Jaune’s an orphan who hallucinated having parents and all those sisters simply to make up for his loneliness. Would save having to introduce all seven sisters…

Anyways, here’s Blake’s hot mom, Kali the Cougar Faunus, who’s answering her own doors because no doubt her human manservants are busy fanning her husband while he lazily eats grapes out back. #relatable.

#evenmorerelatable

At least someone in this show gave one of those poor main kids a hug, jeez. Blake’s apprehension melts away at once, and every dark day spent alone with it, and again when her father, Ghira, comes out shocked then instantly relieved.

D'aww. Right away, I knew at worst Ghira was going to be like a well intentioned but somewhat doofy sitcom dad. I spent half the episode expecting him to offer to take the kids out to get some frosty chocolate milkshakes.

The Belladonnas catch up on current events, sports scores and whatnot, and it’s so… normal. Kali worries, Ghira pretends to being a tough guy who doesn’t, Blake and Sun eat as much food as possible… What next? They bust out the embarrassing baby photos?

… Dodged a bullet there.

It’s Sun who ruins it and draws Ghira’s ire, as only a nearly shirtless boy his daughter bought home could -

- and while he splutters, Blake and her mom chat, and again, it’s way too normal. Stop coming from a healthy home Blake, it’s weirding me outtttt. So much street cred lost, so little time…

Yeah, the reveal of Blake basically being royalty was the best thing that could’ve happened to the Monochrome ship. So there’s already a dozen “arranged marriage for the sake of their two peoples’s” fanfics right? Or are we just waiting for that to be canon?

Sun getting his testicles blown off by Ghira’s shotgun gun is mercifully interrupted by a rapping on the Belladonna’s manor door. Who’s that tapping on the Belladonna’s manor door? Would that it were a Raven, but it probably isn’t for sure.

Milfadonna explains that Ghira’s been having trouble with these visitors, leaving us to speculate: Christmas Carollers? Vacuum Salesmen? Jehovah’s Witnesses?

But nope, it’s the White Fang. Here to ruin everyone’s Christmas and cut off some arms. Probably Yang’s. Again.

Blake and Sun jump to action, and rush to the door where Ghira is chatting with these two hooded chucklefucks.

They’re Corsac and Fennec Albain, and like all foxes, they by all appearance seem totally on the level in every way possible. Yep. Mhm. Totally.

They’re also all too happy Blake has returned home… Yeah someone’s about to lose an arm.



And yet, I’m already weirdly fond of them. They’re like the whacky next door neighbours in a sitcom who come by to be all evil in increasingly bizarre ways every episode. I’d photoshop them peering over a fence like Wilson in Home Improvement, but that’d probably take another three fuckin’ weeks, so…

In short, the Brothers Albain are there to spread the good word of the White Fang, and how the media has it out for them. You’d almost believe them if not for the aforementioned silky evil guy voices, but curiously, the Belladonna parents are unaware of the White’s Fang involvement in Vale.

Here we learn that Ghira used to be the White Fang’s former leader, and hey, remember when Blake said she was born into the White Fang? Shia Surprise, she was being literal. It definitely says something about how Blake’d feel responsible for the White Fang’s turn to evil, since it’s her birthright and all. As a side note, Ghira’s character inspiration is Bagheera the panther from the Jungle Book, who ran afoul with the tiger Shere Khan, so, y'know, White Fang leaders and all.

And then, hilariously, Fennec and Corsac blame it all on Adam and an apparent Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell.

We already know from way back in V1C15 that it was the new leader, Sienna Khan, who digivolved the Fang into their Terrorist Champion form, so there’s no real truth to Adam running his show, and while that could be a shame story-wise, the one we got ain’t half bad: Blake and Sun will have to convince folk that Khan’s responsible, which will lead to Ghira stepping in and realising that the group he founded in peace has become corrupt, and hell, the Belladonnas might even form their own splinter cell under the old White Fang banner by the end of the season. And hey, I wonder what Adam thinks about being thrown under the bus and vilified in the eyes of his own people that, despite extreme methods, he’s might truly be trying to bring equality to? … Nah he’s probably cool with it.

Also, thought occurs I haven’t paid up on another Uno: The Movie joke, so:

TBH, kinda wish I could say the real reason this recap was late was because I just rewatched Uno: The Movie twenty times, but alas…

So anyways, the quick brown foxes make plans to jump over the lazy dog and let Ghira get back to his family obligations, and even get one last dig at Blake.

Some may say this Sister Ilyia would be… Ilyia-ted. Ayyyyyy. And yes, she’s not an actual sister, but a possible teacher, maybe? A friend of Blake’s? Options abound, and fair bet we’ll be meeting her soon.

The most important thing to take away from all this is Blake says she’s not done fighting. Two episodes back she needed to go home, and now that she is, fate has dropped her destiny literally on her doorstep, and, well, there’s a long fight ahead of her. But first, she’s going to go take an angry nap in her room, because long fights are such a “tomorrow Blake” problem.

Outside, Foxy And The Brain high five each other and make plans to invite Adam over to come kill Blake’s parents or whatever, and boy is that going to be a fun reunion. I’m almost hoping Adam just shows up and Ghira and Kali invite him in no big deal and we get an awkward dinner scene…

And, to finally end the episode and break the curse of this recap’s creation, we head back to Highbanana’s bar, where the cute waitress is busy cleaning up all signs of her tryst with Qrow.

When suddenly, she is met by a hook for the next episode’s plot…

Tyrian, looking like he wandered off set as Jack Sparrow’s stunt double, and giggling like he just dipped into Johnny Depp’s cocaine stash, promises madness to come… and I know exactly what it is, because this recap is coming out two episodes later! Hooray!

Again, all the apologies in the world for the sucky wait. We’re five episodes down with seven to go, and tomorrow when I post V4C6’s (just needs a few punch-ups and text-y bits, and, y'know, I gotta get proper Christmas drunk to celebrate this recap finally being posted) it’ll be six down, six to go… This season’s just flyin’ by. And speaking of flying, I just realised why Raven abandoned Yang: she’s a migratory bird! Badum tish… Okay yeah I’ll stop now. Until next time!

EDIT: Tumblr crashed the first time I tried to post this. FUCKING. CURSED.