I don’t really remember my first time. I prepared as much as I could and even though it was over quite quickly, it felt like it would never end.

Time was going very slowly and my heart was racing. It felt so strange and it felt so freeing but when everything was released I felt so exposed.

In a way, no matter how many times I do it, I can’t help but feel like every time is my first time, especially when it’s with a new person.

The first time with my family was probably the most satisfying and meaningful. I better clarify, I’m talking about coming out.

Coming out is a feature of our community that brings out all kinds of emotions.

‘I never planned on coming out’

‘Coming out’ is a process. It’s a metaphor for revealing a part of your identity which was previously private or unknown.

For some, coming out is a long journey towards finding acceptance – it can be about a lot of different things but within our community, it’s usually about our sexual identity, our sex or our gender.

I never particularly planned on coming out, I used to think it was a choice I shouldn’t have had to make, I despised the idea of having to do it, it reinforced the concept that I was not normal.

Moving away from home for university was when things started to fall into place for me. Living in a new city and surrounded by an incredible level of diversity, meant it felt like I had the space to grow, evolve and just breathe for the first time.

It wasn’t until my first National Student Pride that I finally gained the desire and courage to be open about myself. The first National Student Pride event I went was luckily for me, held at the University of Westminster, where I was studying.

The event took place in the building I lived in and I roped my best friend into volunteering with me. Looking back, she was probably less excited than I was, and she had already ‘come out’.

‘I don’t remember anyone like me being around’

Volunteering gave me a chance to meet others, from fellow students, activists and organizations all striving for LGBT+ inclusion, celebration and equality.

When I think back to that first Student Pride, I don’t particularly remember anyone like me being around.

It got me thinking about why that was. Not even my best friend at the time knew that I would come out as intersex.

It was something that my immediate family knew, along with all of the people involved in my healthcare – that I was born with a body that did not fit the oversimplified boxes of what it means to be male or female.

Before coming out, I wondered whether the LGBT community was even a space for me – or people like me. But all that has changed now. I acknowledge that not all people who are intersex, or have variations of sex characteristics are classified as LGBT+. But it’s a community which has a shared history with us at times.

A history filled with stigma, shame, secrecy, forced medicalization and a lack of awareness or legal rights.

All of this is why Pride matters to me – we all deserve to be proud of who we are.



‘Coming out has improved my well being’

Fast forward to 2019, National Student Pride is now in its fifth year at Westminster. I’ll have the chance to be on a panel and I’m hoping that I can continue spreading awareness and encouraging others to feel less shame.

I’ll be talking about all things intersex, and how coming out has truly improved my well being. If I could give you some advice on your first time, it would probably be this:

Be safe – it’s not always possible to choose when you come out but wherever possible, please only do so when it is safe. We cannot control how other people will react but we can choose how we prepare ourselves. Whilst undoubtedly, you’ll care about how others will respond, remember that this is mostly about you – it’s your moment.

Don’t rush – take your time. Timing can play a big role in all of this, so wherever possible try to be emotionally, physically and most importantly, psychologically ready.

Enjoy it.

For more information, visit the official National Student Pride website. Gay Star News is a media partners of National Student Pride.

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