Dear Lysol,

I’m quite fond of your product. Here’s the deal, when I smell the fresh clean scent of Lysol, I know that shit is clean! It’s only when I walk in someplace and they are mopping with some mildly sudsy water and my sinuses don’t open up and my eyes don’t water that I question whether they are actually managing to get everything disinfected and sanitized. I mean, if you can’t smell the Lysol is it even clean? What’s the point at that point? It’s just going through the motions if you ask me.

I know some people aren’t particularly fond of the odor, but I happen to not be one of those people. I love it. I grew up with Lysol and when I smell that scent I get all nostalgic. I also feel like perhaps people are taking things seriously when they clean with Lysol rather than just soap and water.

I’d never eat off the floor, but I like to imagine I could if I’d recently mopped with your product. That would actually make a kind of funny commercial. A whole family eating off the kitchen floor without concern. Or perhaps some guy picking up some dropped food and someone else saying, “Whoa dude, five second rule!” and that guy could be like, “Nah, I mopped with Lysol this morning. I’m good.” I know, now I am just being silly.

Anyway, I am writing for reasons. My partner and I keep arguing over how safe Lysol is. She keeps thinking it’ll kill the cats, or at least be bad for them, or us. I maintain that Lysol is what makes us safe from those little furry disease vectors. So how dangerous is Lysol for cats or children? We don’t have kids, but my partner is pretty small, and I don’t want her getting sick from exposure either if we can avoid it. I think she’s mostly worried about the cats, but it’d be nice if she could stay heathy as well.

So just let me know if I can tell her that Lysol is perfectly safe for cats or if we need to discontinue use of your product around our pets. Apparently, getting rid of the cats isn’t an option.

Sincerely,

Christopher L. Jorgensen

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Sent: March 11, 2020