o-o-o-o​

Spoiler: Dice Hazō, Deception:

12d100: 537



Keiko, Deception:

10d100: 662

o-o-o-o​

Spoiler: Dice Chances of hitting a Fire border patrol says:

?d100: ?



Chances of hitting a Rice border patrol says:

?d100: ?



Chances of some general disaster, random chakra monster, or Cthulhu says:

?d100: ?

Spoiler: Dice Kagome, Diplomacy (keep your mouth shut when your team leader is trying to save your butt at the cost of her own):

?d100: 74



Not being an idiot:

?d100: 100

Spoiler: Dice Mari, Deception:

?d100: 1030 Goddamnit, Mari. For the love of God, could you roll average once?



Unknown Leaf ninja, Deception:

?d100: 1422

Kagome was on watch and it was, in the parlance of experienced field ninja, oh-my-god-it's-early.Truth be told, he liked having the late-night watch. Oh, he still grumbled—tradition required it—but he liked the starlight, the quiet, and the feeling that he was contributing. The certain knowledge that nothing was going to sneak up on his friends without him blowing it to smithereens was pretty good too.It was a beautiful night; the weather was crisp but not cold, the sky was cloudless, and the kami had hung a billion tiny lamps in the sky for him to marvel at. Sure, people called them 'stars' and said that they were holes in the dome of the sky, but he preferred to think that they were sentry fires put there by friendly kami so that he would have light with which to watch over his friends.Things had been quiet for hours and he was actually feeling relaxed. The silence of the late night hours was broken only by the soft sounds of crickets, hunting foxes, and a faintfrom behind him as a ninja appeared in the middle of the camp.He spun around fast, both hands coming up with ringboxes extended...only to see Keiko standing in a swiftly-dissipating cloud of purple smoke."Blood in the water," she said quickly, raising her hands placatingly.Kagome's face split in a wide grin. "And games in the sand," he countersigned. "You're back! I was worried that the lupchanz got you!""Keiko!" Hazō said, emerging quickly from his tent moments faster than Noburi and Mari emerged from theirs. "Oh thank the kami, it's so good to see you. Are you all right?""Hey you," Mari said with a smile. "I'm glad you came back."Noburi gave her a shallow nod. "Hey.""It's good to see you again, Keiko," Akane said. She smiled mischieviously. "Given how delayed you have been, I feel justified in saying that having you back is most youthful."Keiko looked at the ground, then forced herself to look up again. "I will not trouble you longer than necessary," she said. "I realize that the damage my stupidity and insensitivity have done to the team's dynamic is irreparable. I came back only because the pangolin have just received a message from the toads: Jiraiya wants to see us. He instructed all of us to be at the Three Pines Inn in Amanoshi, Rice, within the next three days. He said that no excuses or delays would be accepted." She offered a small scroll to Mari, looking at the ground in shame as she did.Mari took the scroll with a frown and quickly scanned the contents. "No further details," she said. "Just that. Be at the inn within three days, no excuses." She rolled the scroll up and sighed. "Lovely. Well, we've got three days and more important things to do, so we won't worry about it right now."Keiko blinked and looked at Mari incredulously. "More important than talking to Jiraiya?" she asked. "What could possibly be more important?""You," Mari said firmly. "You, Mori Keiko, are much more important to us than Jiraiya will ever be. I suspect that you are feeling hurt and possibly rejected, and that makes me unhappy. When we got here, I didn't handle things as well as I should have. I was tired and hungry and hurting—we all were—and I wanted to put off a difficult conversation for twenty-four hours until everyone was feeling better. I should have made it more clear that that was all I was doing." She paused, studying Keiko closely. "Are you okay, Keiko? You look tired, and you're thinner."Keiko looked away. "I haven't been very hungry," she mumbled.Mari laughed. "Well, we can fix that," she said. "And, because I want to welcome you back properly, I'll let someone else cook.""Me!" Kagome said, jumping for the firepit. "I'll do it!" He fed the coals with a few shakes of wood until they grew into a small but cheery fire. One of the first things he'd done when they set up camp was verify that the brambles were thick enough to block firelight as long as they kept it small. It wasn't strictly necessary—he wasn't about to waste time on actually cooking—but fire was a great way to cheer people up. Keiko was miserable and obviously underfed; she needed tasty hot food and chocolate, and that's exactly what storage scrolls were for. When you lived in the woods one of the first things you learned was that Your Food Matters. He'd spent a good chunk of his time cooking the best meals possible, then sealing it away for times when he was feeling down, or forgot to eat, or got sick. Time to grab the good stuff.Thirty seconds later, everyone was seated around the fire with a bowl of piping hot beef stew in their hands. The beef (well, sorta-cowlike-chakra-thingy meat) was tender and juicy, there were chunks of carrot, potato-ish, spices, herbs, and everything else tasty that he'd been able to scrounge up when he cooked it three years ago. Also, a lump of chocolate the size of Keiko's fist lay unwrapped in front of her.The girl sat, staring blankly at the food, until Kagome started to fidget. "It's good," he said nervously. "I promise. No poison or anything. I can try it if you want. Or we can switch. Whatever you like. Would you like something else? I've got fish, or kinda-chicken, or—""It's fine," Keiko said quietly. "Thank you, Kagome. This is very kind of you." She still didn't eat any of it, instead continuing to stare blankly into the depths of the bowl as though it would allow her to divine the future."Try the chocolate at least," Kagome said. "It's good, really. Just the thing when you're feeling down. Something sweet to make—""Please eat something, Keiko," Mari said.Keiko sighed and took a spoonful of the stew. A moment later she was eating as quickly as good manners allowed. Kagome beamed and everyone else started eating as well...except for Noburi, who hadn't bothered to wait.Kagome shoveled food down as fast as he could, looking nervously back and forth between Hazō, Mari, and Keiko. Somebody needed to say something, and it really shouldn't be him. He'd botch it. Blow something up, seal it away, cut it in half with invisible blades? He was your man. Reassure a fragile young girl? Nope. It would be a disaster. Why wasn't anyone saying anything?!Mari waited until Keiko had wrapped herself around most of the stew before slipping around the fire and kneeling seiza in front of her student. Keiko stared intently at her hands, knotted together in her lap and squeezed together until the knuckles were white."Keiko," Mari said gently, "please look at me."Reluctantly, Keiko looked up."Keiko, what do you think happened before you left?" Mari asked.Keiko swallowed. "I was stupid. I said things I shouldn't have and ruined everything." Her voice broke and she had to wipe her eyes. "I'm so sorry. Please, can we just go meet Jiraiya? I'll leave right afterwards, none of you will need to see me again.""Keiko," Mari said, a warning snap in her voice. "Stop that. You are our friend and we would all be sad if you left."Hazō, Kagome, and Akane nodded decisive agreement; Noburi looked aside grumpily. Keiko caught the movement."I am so sorry, Noburi," Keiko said. "I didn't mean to—""Whatever." Noburi got to his feet and ducked back into his tent. Keiko looked like she'd been slapped.Mari sighed. "He'll get over it," she said quietly. "He was hurt and he's angry, but he cares about you too much to stay mad forever.""Why would he care?" Keiko said. "I was thoughtless and—"Exactly," Akane said. "You were, not cruel. You spoke without thinking and said something hurtful, but you didn't actually mean what you said. Everyone does this, Keiko. Please, forgive yourself and allow us to forgive you."Kagome bit down firmly on his tongue to keep himself from saying anything. The last thing the group needed was for him to trample through the conversation like a big dumb bull. Surely she'd listen to Akane, though? Akane couldn't lie to save her life and wore her heart on her sleeve; surely Keiko would see that she meant what she said?"She's right, Keiko," Mari said. "I know it and you know it."Keiko looked down again, letting her bangs cover her face. "Stupid," she muttered. "Stupid. All I do is mess things up. Everything I say is wrong. I can't talk to anyone without offending them.""Keiko," Hazō said, "You and I have spoken of clear communication and what it feels like to talk to normal people. When we had that conversation, did you offend me?""...No," Keiko admitted."All right then," Hazō said. "Then let me speak clearly: it would make me unhappy if you left. I'm extremely relieved to see you unhurt and, out of respect for your discomfort with physical affection, I am refraining from hugging you. However, if you ever disappear like that again, I will not be so restrained next time. Understood?"Keiko looked at him as though he'd grown a second head. "Why would it bother you?" she asked, sounding like a lost child. "I offer nothing and whenever I open my mouth I stab my own foot.""Keiko," Mari said. "That is simply not true. Have you ever said the wrong thing? Yes. So have I, so has Hazō, so has everyone.""Me too!" Kagome said, nodding furiously. "I say the wrong thing all the time! Big ol' wrong-thing-sayer, that's me. Always putting my foot in it. That's part of why people used to say I was crazy."Mari laughed, a clear bell-like sound that had nothing of meanness or mockery in it. Somehow, that laugh made Kagome feel like he'd said something right for once."See?" Mari asked. "Everyone puts their foot in it sometimes. I know that you think this is the end of the world, but it's really not. I promise, embarrassment is never fatal. Good friendships can weather a great many missteps." She chuckled ruefully. "I should know. I've made enough of them."Keiko looked up in shock. "You, sensei? But...."Mari laughed again. "But what?" she asked. "You think I was always a paragon of confidence and smoothness?" She shook her head ruefully. "Ito be able to talk to people, Keiko. For, with not one but several masters. You should have seen me when I was your age. My best friend was a girl named Sumire; it seemed like every week I did something wrong, but she always forgave me." She looked back into her memories, ticking points off on delicate fingers. "For her sixth birthday she got a new dress—green, with some red on the neckline. She was so proud of it, and she asked me what I thought. I told her it made her look like a frog with its throat cut." She shrugged. "I was trying to be funny, but she didn't talk to me for a week. I apologized every day until she forgave me, and a week later we were sneaking out to the orchard to climb trees just like we always had. A few years later we both tried out for the Academy. I got in and she didn't. I said 'that's okay, Sumi—I still like you even though you're not good enough to be a ninja.'"Keiko's eyes widened in shock.Mari smiled, shaking her head in bemusement. "Yeah. Like I said, I had to literally study how to not offend people."Keiko swallowed hard. "But...I...I said that...." She trailed off and looked around vaguely as though she'd set the words down somewhere but couldn't remember where. After a moment she looked down at her hands, shoulders hunching in. "Stupid," she muttered."No you're not!" Kagome said, the words bursting out before he could stuff them back down. "You learned how to be a summoner, you can't be stupid!"Keiko looked over, her face twisting up with self-loathing. "Yes," she said. "The great Pangolin Summoner. One of the first things I did was to insult the Polemarch. Pankurashun practically threw me out of his office for wasting his time until I admitted what a worthless coward I am. The Naraka Rollers recognized me for what I am and laughed in my face.""Keiko, stop!" Akane said sharply. "This is false, and you know it. You are deliberately looking for the worst and twisting the good into bad. I was not there for those conversations, yet I know them better than you: you convinced the Polemarch to let you be the Summoner. You convinced Pankurashun to do something he has not done in hundreds of years. He is a senior drill instructor in a formal military, and you convinced him to do something outside of the normal regulations. You area coward, and you arestupid! You are my friend, and I will defend my friends against anyone—even themselves!"Keiko stared at Akane, dumbfounded."She's right, Keiko," Mari said. "You're wallowing." She put her thumb and finger a smidge apart. "A little bit. Just a little wallowing.""I am not!" Keiko said, glaring at her for a moment before realizing what she was doing and covering her mouth in shock.Mari laughed. "There we go, that's better. Now, let's hit the important part again: you are important to us, and you are not allowed to leave.""Sensei...," Keiko said. "I don't...I can't...." She stopped and took a deep breath. "Sensei...after what I said to you...."Mari paused and looked speculatively at the others, clearly wondering if she should send them away. Shaking her head slightly in decision, she turned back to her student."Keiko," she said gently. "It's very common for genin to develop a crush on their jōnin-sensei. I know I did. Nao-sensei was beautiful, and skilled, and everything I wanted to be. I worshipped the ground she walked on and I was terrified that she would notice. I felt like such an idiot for it; I was too young for her, too new, and I felt like I had nothing to offer." She snorted ruefully. "I told one of my squad mates in confidence. She blabbed it out at dinner that night, right in front of sensei."Keiko stared at Mari in fascinated horror.Mari was looking aside, eyes unfocused as she relived the memory. "I remember wishing that I were earth-aspected so that I could invent a jutsu that would make the earth swallow me up. I got up and ran out of camp. When sensei caught up to me I was debating whether it would be better to become a missing-nin or resign my commission and become a farmer's wife somewhere as far from Mist as possible.""Resign your commission?!" Keiko gasped. "You can't resign! No one resigns!""No, they don't," Mari said, smiling. "Because the Mizukage isn't about to let someone with ninja training stop being a ninja. I was young and stupid, though. It seemed like a good idea at the time.""But....""Apparently there are people in this conversation who are smarter than I was at their age," Mari said with a self-deprecating laugh. "Anyway. Nao-sensei caught up to me, and she told me what I'm telling you now. She told me that she had had a crush onjōnin-sensei, and that she was pretty sure that her jōnin-sensei had had one onjōnin-sensei, and that I was upholding a long and proud tradition. And then she told me the big secret."Keiko looked at Mari with narrowed eyes, suspecting a trap. "Which is...?"Mari shrugged. "That love is complicated. That it isn't always where you think it is. That the first time you fall in love it feels like all the world hangs in the balance, but years later you'll look back and realize that it wasn't real. That no matter how much you think you've found The One, you'll fall in love many times over the course of your life. That some of the people you will love won't be 'suitable', especially if you're a clan kid, but it's okay to love them anyway. That being a ninja makes everything harder, but it's worth it."And now I'm going to tell you the last thing she told me that night," Mari said. "She said that I was a smart, beautiful, talented girl, and that she was so proud to have me as a student that she felt like she could burst. That she was flattered to know my feelings for her, and honored to be my first romantic interest. That she did not return my feelings, but she looked forward to the day when she could stand beside me at my wedding. Once I found my One, of course." She gave her student a bawdy wink. "And then she asked if she could help me find that person, and started quizzing me on what I wanted. Tall? Short? Male? Female? She started suggesting candidates and offered to abduct some of them, line them up, and parade them in front of me so I could make a selection."Keiko choked. The darkness and flickering firelight made it hard to tell, but Kagome was pretty sure the air was about to ignite around her from the depth of her blush.Mari sat back and stroked her chin, face furrowed in thought. "I'msure she was kidding, but now that I think about it...hmmmmm." She eyed Keiko speculatively. "We're going to be going into town anyway...couldn't hurt to shop around a little....""Sensei!" Keiko gasped. "Please tell me you're joking!"Mari laughed and rocked her hand back and forth. "Weeeelllll...mostly. Anyway, think about it."Keiko gulped."Good," Mari said. "Horrified and a little curious. That's a much better look on you than angsty and miserable.""I am not curious!" Keiko said.Mari's eyebrows went up. "Not even a little? Huh. You're a better person than I was when Nao-sensei made the offer to me." She chuckled. "Well, the offer's open. Now"—she slapped her hands on her thighs like a judge rapping her gavel—"I have to admit that I'm tired. I don't want you to feel abandoned, but would it be all right if we continued this in the morning?""Of course," Keiko said."Thanks," Mari said with a grateful smile. "We've kept your tent set up and waiting for you. I'm really glad you came back." She rolled up to her feet and looked around. "The rest of you should pack it in too. Tomorrow isn't far off, and when it gets here we'll need to figure out what to do about Jiraiya."When tomorrow came, the tension was thick enough to cut with a knife. Noburi was monosyllabic and refused to look at Keiko. Kagome was terrified of saying the wrong thing so he confined himself to grunts, pleading looks, and repeatedly pressing food and chocolate on Keiko. Hazō was cautious and uncertain. Akane was her usual sunbeam self, but sensitive enough to not be too blatant about it. Mari, of course, knew exactly the right things to say and pulled everyone out of their shell with the easy confidence that Kagome found so enviable.Mari insisted that everyone bathe, eat, and clean up before talking about anything serious. Keiko urged her not to wait but Mari shook her head (making all that gorgeous firey hair sway like a silk curtain) and pointed out that they had three days and could spare a couple of hours to get themselves in optimal mental condition.Once they got down to actual planning, it didn't take long to figure out what to do about Jiraiya: go to the meeting without delay. Well, not much delay—there was time for lots and lots of discussion about what to do once they arrived, packing, traveling at a reasonable pace, setting up some escape routes when they got there...."What's the point in setting up escape paths, sensei?" Hazō asked, carefully not looking at Keiko. "It's not like anything we could do would stop Jiraiya. If he wants us dead we'll be dead.""There might be threats other than Jiraiya in the vicinity," Keiko said. "It is strictly better to have an escape route that we do not need than to need it and not have it.""Oh," Hazō said. "Yeah, good point.""Thank you for offering me the opportunity to seem insightful, Hazō," Keiko said drily. "It was very thoughtful of you. Condescending, but thoughtful."Hazō laughed ruefully. "Busted."Keiko eyed him carefully. "You are usually a better liar than that," she said. "Did you deliberately let me catch you letting me be insightful just so that I could feel clever for catching you letting me be insightful so that I would once again identify with my role as plan checker for the team?"Mari's hand shot up. "Objection! That sentence should be taken outside and shot on charges of torturing grammar!"Kagome and Akane laughed.Noburi looked sour.Everyone rolled their eyes when Hazō brought out the 'How to Cross Borders Safely' list that he'd been working on. Still, they followed the list and for once the border crossing was easy. Either the precautions worked and their pursuers lost the trail or there were no pursuers in the first place. Either way, they made it into Rice without difficulty. The most difficult part of the trip was finding someone who could tell them how to get to Amanoshi. The mostpart was finding the Three Pines Inn in a town that was potentially hosting an unknown number of 'surprisingly competent' ex-missing-nin and definitely hosting a probably-angry Jiraiya. Still, stressful or not, they found it. At four o'clock the day after receiving the message they walked into the building where they were almost certainly going to be torn apart by slimy toads.The Three Pines Inn was two stories and surprisingly spacious inside, since the building was significantly longer than it was wide. The outer room was a tavern full of trestle tables with smooth-polished tops and an eclectic mix of chairs that somehow blended into an attractive whole. A tall woman stood behind the bar in the back, shuttling food from the kitchen pass to the counter where a pair of waitresses bustled it out to the customers. A narrow hallway along the right side of the room led past a set of stairs to the second floor and on through a curtain.Kagome felt an entire slime of chakra worms crawl up his spine when he stepped into the half-full room. Too many people, and there was no way to know which of the stinkers might be an enemy ninja, or a lupchanz puppet, or an off-duty clown. It was completely unfair—he only had two eyes! There was no way he could be expected to watch all the possible threats that surrounded them! Sure, the team was henged, but that wouldn't mean anything if one of these oh-so-casual diners was actually a disguised Hyūga, or an Uchiha, or a chakravore, or a soul-eating gaki, or—Mari, currently henged into a late-teens farmboy, set a calloused hand on his wrist before he could slip on his ringboxes. He shot her a betrayed glare but she just grinned at him and shook her head. His glare got more sour, but he reluctantly brought empty hands out of his pockets.His discomfort got even stronger as they moved up to the bar in a group. It would have been more discreet to come in as pairs, but Mari had decided that sticking together made more sense. TheyJiraiya to find them, and six people showing up together would be notable enough for the word to get back to him quickly if he was watching for it."Excuse me," Mari said to the woman behind the counter. "I'm Katsurou; my friends and I were supposed to meet someone here. Solidly-build older man, white hair? Work's been hard to find lately, and he implied he might have a job."The woman's eyes flicked across the group and she nodded. "He and his friends are having lunch in one of the private dining rooms," she said, gesturing to the hallway. "Down the hall, first door on the right."Mari bowed. "Thank you very much." She turned and headed for the hallway, walking casually. Kagome followed along, turning so that he was walking backwards and able to keep an eye on the room. He hadn't turned more than a quarter of the way before both his elbows were grabbed and he was forcibly turned to face forward. He yelped and struggled for a moment before realizing that it was just Hazō and Akane."It's all right, Kagome," Akane said, smiling happily the way she always did because she was a good person and why in the hell had someone that bright and cheery become a ninja? Couldn't she have done something sensible that wouldn't turn her into someone like him? Maybe be a healer. She would make a great healer."It's all right," she repeated quietly. "Really. Your concern is most youthful, but it's all right. Better to not attract attention."Kagome grumbled but didn't say anything.It was only a few steps down the hall to the private room. Mari pushed the door open carefully and paused before stepping inside. The others followed her in warily.The room was large, six meters on the long side and four wide. A long table made of sweet-smelling cedar filled most of it, kneeling cushions packed around the edges. The detritus of a hearty lunch was strewn across the surface—a pile of mostly-empty plates and multiple pots of tea.At the far end of the table sat Jiraiya. The Toad Summoner, the Sage, the spymaster, one of the most lethal ninja alive and, right now, absolutely the most dangerous man in the Elemental Nations.He wasn't alone.To his right sat a young man with pupilless white eyes and veins bulging around his temples. To his left sat a twenty-something woman whose eyes regarded Kagome with a calm appraisal that made him feel as though his very soul were being laid bare and judged lacking."Sit down," Jiraiya said flatly.Silently the group took up places at the near end of the table. Mari sat at the end, facing Jiraiya, the others spreading out around her along the sides."Drop the henges."Kagome swallowed, feeling sweat prickle across his brow. Show his true face to the enemy? Never! It was insane! They—The teenage farmboy melted into a beautiful fire-haired woman; one by one, the others followed. Kagome watched it in horror. They couldn't reveal themselves! The only slim protection they still had was that the enemy didn't know their real faces...oh. Wait. The others had met Jiraiya before, and he'd beaten them physically. He already knew what they looked like.Mari, perceptive as always, must have understood his thoughts. She gave him a reassuring look and a nod. "It's all right," she said. "Go ahead."Kagome looked sour, but his fifty-something disguise dissolved into a shifty-looking thirty-year-old with blonde hair and a small scar on his neck."Your skill with henge is excellent," the white-eyed man said. "Perhaps you could demonstrate your skill at releasing the new one?"Kagome glared at the stinking rat bastard stinker with his stinking cheating bullshit eyes, but he dropped the henge.Jiraiya picked up his teacup and slurped delicately, never looking away from Mari. The look was not lecherous in the least.With exquisite precision, he set the cup back on its saucer."A few weeks ago, I received a fascinating report from one of my agents," he said calmly. "A very dangerous seal mistress named Arikada Sugako had been located. She's a mercenary missing-nin, and for the past few years she's been working for one of Leaf's enemies. For that entire time, her location has been a closely guarded secret. My informant had obtained advance notice of where and when Arikada could be found. She managed to get a message out, saying that she would reveal the information if and only if I arranged for the extraction of herself and her son. I sent a jōnin to bring them out."A hand made of of pure freezing eldritch horror took a light grip on Kagome's heart."He made the extraction and was escorting her and her son home through Hot Springs."The hand's grip tightened, squeezing all the air out of Kagome's chest. His eyes flicked around the room desperately. Jiraiya and his friends were between the team and the outside wall, so they'd need to go back through the main room to escape. A shaped charge to make a hole, keep blasting so they could move in a straight line. Drop an implosion bomb behind them, maybe one of the grapeseed bombs. He had three stupid boxes on him, those would be really effective inside the wooden inn."They were stopping for the night at an inn in Hot Springs, where the jōnin was supposed to hand her off to another agent who could handle their relocation. Unfortunately, they were attacked by a team of enemy ninja."As subtly as possible, Kagome slid his hand behind his back, reaching for the scroll that was tucked into his belt.The white-eyed man's head turned to face him. One eyebrow rose. Kagome put his hand back in his lap, not even bothering to stifle the snarl.Jiraiya went on as though he hadn't noticed the byplay. "A few interesting things about this team." He paused to take another sip of tea. "The reports I got from the survivor of the fight said that one of them was a ranged fighter who threw kunai. One of them used a Water Whip jutsu and carried a barrel on his back. One of them used genjutsu. Two of them, both young, fought with chunin-level taijutsu. Oh and, surprisingly, one of the taijutsu fighters—the boy—knew an Earth Wall jutsu."His eyes locked on Hazō. Without looking, the Toad Sage picked up the teapot and refilled his cup.He set the teapot delicately back on its trivet, not looking away from the terrified genin.He lifted the teacup and took a sip, then replaced the cup on its saucer and folded his hands."Now, when I heard all this, I started thinking. I asked myself if I knew of anyone who might fit these descriptions. I thought and thought, weighing every possibility, scrounging through every resource I had. Eventually, an idea came to me of who it might have been.""It was us," Mari said calmly. "We took a mission from someone in Tea. He told us that he wanted some information retrieved and gave us a time frame and a location. We went into the room to retrieve what we thought was a scroll. Joutarou caught us. We tried to talk our way out, but he called for backup. We were in a small room facing two close-quarters combat-specialized jōnin, so I opted for a first strike. During our post-mission analysis my team expressed disapproval with this choice—""No we didn't!" Kagome burst out. "We all thought it was totally the right thing to do! I mean, sure, better to have killed them once they'd left the inn, but given the situation it was...the...right...oops." He shrunk in on himself as eight pairs of eyes locked on him, five of them reproachful.Mari sighed. "There may have been less disagreement about that point than I remember," she allowed. "In any case, before we go any further, I would like to introduce the last member of our team: Pandā, our liasion to the Pangolin Clan." She waited until Jiraiya gave a millimetric nod, then gestured to Keiko.Keiko hadn't been entirely comfortable with the idea when Hazō had suggested it, but substantial discussion had convinced her. She nicked her finger on a kunai and touched the blood to the ground. "Summoning Technique: Pandā," she said.There was a purple flash and Pandā appeared in all of his three-foot glory. He was dressed in formal military uniform: metal claws over his own, a set of lorricated spiked armor across his back, and carefully applied paint on his chest and face. His claws were already interlaced when he arrived."Hi!" he said, bowing quickly to Jiraiya. "You must be Jiraiya of the Toads, right? It's a great honor to meet you, sir. Your Sageness, sir. Uh, Summoner Jiraiya. Um.""I am honored to make your acquiantance, son of my Clan's ally," Jiraiya said gravely. "I wish it were under better circumstances.""Oh. Um." Pandā looked nervously back and forth between Keiko and Jiraiya. "You're not going to hurt Keiko, are you sir? Because if you did I'd have to fight you. I'd really rather not, if that's all right.""Let's see how things go, shall we?" Jiraiya said politely. "Please, won't you join us?" He gestured to the cushion next to Keiko.Pandā looked at the cushion and winced. He tried to kneel but his tail lacked the flexibility to allow that. He brought it around between his legs and tried to sit, but that left him essentially a hemisphere and he promptly started to roll backwards. Keiko solved the problem by grabbing a pillow and wedging it under the corner of the table so he could sit semi-rolled up with the cushion keeping him upright.Once the pangolin was settled, Mari spoke up again. "If I may, we have quite a lot of information that might be useful to you. May I report?"Jiraiya raised an eyebrow but gestured for her to go ahead."First, after our prior conversation with you we set out for Tea. We considered several routes and decided on one that took us through Rain, as it would keep us out of Fire as much as possible. We crossed the border and immediately ran into a rainstorm that was infused with chakra. It may have been nothing, but it might be worth investigating."Mari paused to gather herself, seeming uncomfortable. She took an extra-deep breath (Kagome's eyes bugged out just a little) before continuing in an admirably dispassionate tone. "I instructed the team to break back across the border into Fire and wash the water off as quickly as possible. While bathing we were ambushed by a border patrol from Fire. I engaged and defeated the patrol while the rest of the team was still in the river. I will note that I felt it better to conceal this information, but my students have convinced me that complete transparency is more...youthful." The word drew a quiet snort came from the black-haired kunoichi on Jiraiya's left."We have the bodies in storage scrolls," Mari continued. "We would like to return them so that their families can have closure." Her face flickered with sadness. "On behalf of both myself and my team, I offer our sincerest apologies. I really wish it hadn't been necessary, but we're missing-nin. Not through any fault of our own—we were sent on a suicide mission and we ran. It turned out later that the 'suicide' part of the mission was a trick by our leader, but it was still the extent of our knowledge at the time." She looked at Jiraiya hopefully. "I note that if there were a way for us to come in out of the cold we'd take it in a flash and be the most loyal ninja you'd ever seen. We didn't—don't—want this life."The Leaf kunoichi smiled. "An obvious attempt to paint yourselves as unfairly wronged, concealing a discreet opening bid to anchor future negotiations at a very high level such that it will seem more reasonable for us to simply let you go. Combined with a trace of sexuality and the earlier not-very subtle reminder that a member of your team is the summoner of a clan allied to Jiraiya's, all carefully calculated to set our expectations of what level you play at. Well done."Mari shrugged and smiled unrepentantly. "Can't blame a girl for trying.""Actually, I can," Jiraiya said. "Continue.""Yes sir," Mari said. "After that we proceeded to Tea. After some investigation we located the Pangolin contract. The contract had a guardian that I believe will be of strategic interest to Leaf, but requested that we wait for a year before disclosing any relevant information. I note that honoring that request might make for easier negotiations in the future, but we are prepared to take whichever course you prefer—either make a full report now, or keep the information confidential until the expiration date."Jiraiya flicked one hand dismissively. "Decision for later. Continue."Was the Toad Sage sounding very slightly less angry? Kagome cursed inwardly. Why couldn't he be better with this people stuff? Why couldn't people be more like seals—comprehensible and straightforward. Oh sure, seals would melt your face off if you did anything even slightly wrong, which was actually pretty much like people now that he thought about it, but at least they wouldn't lie to you about what they were or actively conceal their nature. Once you had a seal figured out it was reliable as long as you were reliable yourself and didn't screw up while drawing it or infusing it. Not like people. People would lie about being your friend, and stab you in the back, and laugh at you for reasons that never made any sense."After retrieving the scroll we sent a message to you through the pangolins," Mari said. "While we waited to hear back we took on what we thought was a simple mission to retrieve some information from Hot Springs. Based on our initial assessment it sounded like it would be a straightforward C-rank mission—useful for teambuilding with a little actual field experience but minimal danger."The mission obviously did not go the way we intended. In our after action report we identified that our primary mistake was that we were too focused on completing it and thus we hurried. We had made contact with Honami, the daughter of the resort's owners, and had arranged what would likely have been a profitable trade contract. We should have waited until our targets had left the resort instead of taking a chance on engaging Joutarou indoors."Please note," Mari said, "I approached Joutarou in disguise and gave him the 'Princess Genchi' recognition code that you gave us. On the off chance that Joutarou was actually you in disguise I also used the 'lingerie' code word."The Leaf Kunoichi glanced at Jiraiya with a raised eyebrow. Mari took notice but said nothing, opting instead to continue the report."He responded to neither of those words, so I assumed he was not a member of your network," she said. "Had I known that he was I would have approached him more openly. As I said, we now realize that we should have waited until they left the resort to engage, but at the time we felt the risk was acceptable. As far as we knew we were going to sneak into a room occupied only by a pair of civilians—"Jiraiya interrupted. "Joutarou was not in the room with them?"Mari shook her head. In response Jiraiya's irritated head-shake she said, "At one point I observed him commenting that the two were extremely annoying, and your other agent was in the room with them. He didn't leave his post."Jiraiya sighed. "Continue.""We entered the room at night. I entered first. Yami was sleeping under the window and engaged me as I came in. We disabled him without injury and then likewise disabled the civilians. We began to search the room, which is when we noticed the tattoos on the boy.""Tattoos?""Yes. Symbols, not kanji, but examination strongly suggested that they were a cipher. We have the first third of the ciphertext and will hand it over after this briefing. We do not have the key or the plaintext; during my original observation Joutarou said to Yami that 'she hasn't given me the key'. I am assuming he was referring to the cipher key."The Hyūga's eyebrows shot up and he looked at the impassive Jiraiya. "Sir, maybe—""I'm aware," said his leader. "Inoue, continue with your report."Mari shrugged. "There's not much more to tell, sir. Joutarou caught us. I tried to keep him busy and get my team out the window, but he told us that he would engage if we tried to escape. We had a five-to-one advantage and he had no idea of our capabilities, so I felt that negotiation was still possible. On the other hand I felt confident that he could catch my students if we simply blew a hole in the wall and tried to run. Furthermore, our goals were not necessarily opposed—he was clearly escorting the man and woman, and all we wanted was the information."Jiraiya snorted. "Really? You didn't think that maybe the reason he was escorting the two wasof the information?""Yes, I did. It was certainly the most likely possibility, but it wasn't impossible that we could find an alternate solution. Regardless, the options were talk or fight and I didn't want to fight if we didn't have to. All things considered, trying to talk our way out of it seemed like the best option. It also gave us time to copy off as much of the cipher as we had time for, which is why we're able to give you at least part of what you wanted.""Of course, if you hadn't interfered I would have had all of it," Jiraiya said."With respect, sir," Mari said boldly, "I have already acknowledged our mistake and the reasoning behind it. We made the best choice we could at the time and I will not apologize."Jiraiya stared at her for a moment, then laughed. "Big brass ovaries on you, girl. Okay, keep going.""When the fight started, I trapped Joutarou with a non-lethal genjutsu. It was my hope that my team could hold off Komori—the Iwa jōnin that Joutarou called for backup—until I could disable Joutarou. That proved infeasible, but we were able to conclude the fight without killing Komori.""You're expecting credit for killing my agent instead of a jōnin from a foreign power?"Mari shrugged. "Sir, we did the best could to fight non-lethally. Against the opposition we faced that was not an option. In any case, we escaped and temporarily evaded pursuit. A Hot Springs team managed to catch up with us at the same time that we detected a Leaf patrol coming from the other direction. Six on four we could almost certainly have destroyed the patrol. We opted instead to fake our own deaths, evade, and find a place to hide until things calmed down and we could leave your AO for Iron."In short, sir, we followed the directions you gave us to Tea, where we obtained valuable strategic information and a summoning contract from a powerful clan allied to the Toad Clan. Once we had done so we immediately sent a message to you by the only secure method we had. While waiting for a response we took what sounded like a C-rank training mission that turned out to be more complicated than expected. We identified ourselves to Joutarou using the code word you gave us. We made repeated efforts to avoid fighting. When we were forced to fight we attempted to use non-lethal methods before being forced into other options. We evaded pursuit instead of fighting, although eliminating the Leaf patrol would have punched a hole in the border and made our escape far easier. We made a mistake by not waiting until later to complete the mission, but aside from that I feel that we behaved in an exemplary fashion. This concludes my report."Jiraiya stared at her for a moment, then sighed and scrubbed one hand across his face in frustration. "Black, what's your assessment?" he asked, turning to the kunoichi beside him.The kunoichi shrugged. "She's spinning it harder than a juggler's plate, but I saw no actual signs of deception aside from trying to shield her team by taking responsibility. That one"—she pointed at Kagome—"can't keep a secret to save his life and he didn't seem to doubt any of her statements. There might be something she's not telling, but I'd need a closer look to be sure."Jiraiya nodded thoughtfully, staring at his teacup for a moment. "Okay," he said. "Show me the cipher. If it's useful enough I'll have Black scan you. If you're playing straight, we can talk about the future."Kagome's eyes widened at the words. 'Scan you' from a Leaf nin! Holy crapballs, that had to be a Yamanka! She was going to rip his mind apart—rip hisminds apart and put them back together sideways to make them slaves of the Leaf!He leaped to his feet, grabbing explosive disks from his belt with both hands and hurling them towards the evil mind-ripper and her horrible evil stinking ninja Leaf-nin while shouting for his friends to run, run fast, he'd cover them—He hadn't actually managed to move a muscle before Mari's hand clamped down on his arm, stopping him cold."Be calm," she said. "We're not going to fight our way out of this.""But—!"," she insisted."I promise you will not be hurt, sir," the stinking Yamanaka mind-crushing stinker said. "Contrary to popular belief, my clan can only read minds, not forcibly change them.""Liar!" Kagome said. "You're lying, you stinking stinker! You'll never get me! I swear, I won't let you hurt my friends, I'll—"Warm hands on his chin turned his head, forcing him to look into sea-green eyes that were full of soft smiles and happiness where everything was calm and peaceful and there were no threats because the world was kind and good and all the stinking evil stinking ninja stinkers were sprayed over the walls except for him and his friends who were living in a nice quiet treehouse with plenty of spicy tea and chocolate which they ate while talking in friendly ways and everyone had forgiven Keiko who was happy and self-confident like Akane who had taught them all to be as good as she was while they did seal research that always worked on the first try and....Those beautiful eyes blinked and he floated back down into his body, still seated at the table in the inn. For the first time since he could remember he wasn't afraid. Intellectually he still recognized the danger they were in, but the knowledge was at a distance."I'm sorry, my friend," Mari said, cupping her hand gently on his face. "It's only temporary. It'll wear off in a few minutes."Kagome smiled. "It's all right," he said, voice just a little dreamy. "It's nice. And it was a good idea. I was going to mess things up, wasn't I?"She nodded, an impish grin on her face. "Little bit, yeah.""Keiko, what just happened?" Pandā asked in a voice that was trying to be quiet and failing in the sudden silence."Kagome was very afraid," Keiko whispered back, blushing as everyone looked at her. "Sensei calmed him down with a genjutsu.""Relax," Jiraiya said to Kagome. "I haven't decided what to do with you yet, but I promise that your mind will not be damaged."That wasn't as reassuring as it might have been intended. Still, at least it was honest."Here it is, sir," Hazō said, scribbling down the last symbol that he'd taken from the boy's back on that awful, awful night. He stood up, walking down the table to hand it to Jiraiya before resuming his seat.Jiraiya studied the sheet carefully, eyes scanning back and forth across the lines. His lips pursed in thought."Could have been a lot worse," he grunted. "We've got the date and location. Looks like the next section would have been a threat assessment on the guards, but that's missing." He studied the team for painfully long seconds, unconsciously tapping the paper on the table as he thought."Okay," he said. "This is your chance to get back in my good graces. I realize you guys are beaten to hell and this is a crappy time to send you on a combat mission. Unfortunately for me, since you killed Joutarou I won't have any deniable assets that I can spare for this mission during that time window. You've shown that you're pretty good at smashing things up, so I've got a sealing expert that I need either dead or captured. Captured and brought to Konoha is strongly preferred, but I'll settle for dead if that's all I can get. Bring her in and you've got yourselves another open-ended reward. Bring me her head and all past sins are forgiven. Screw me on this and I'll personally hunt you down as a sign to others that such behavior is unwise. Clear?""Clear / clear / yes sir / sure / crystal / absolutely / So, does this mean that you're friends again?"The Hyūga remained impassive. Jiraiya looked amused. The Yamanka laughed out loud."Close enough, Pandā," Jiraiya said. "Your summoner and her team have caused me a lot of trouble but we may still be able to work together. I'm giving them an important mission and if they pull it off we'll be back on good terms.""Oh," Pandā said. "I'm sure they'll do great. Keiko is brilliant, and—"Keiko cleared her throat and the pangolin went silent. His species did not blush like humans, but he was staring at the floor and his claws were beating a furious tattoo on his underbelly."Now, one more thing," Jiraiya said. "Agent Black is going to mindscan you to verify that you've been open and honest in this debriefing. If you have, great. If not...well, not so great. Before we do the scan, is there anything you might have forgotten to mention?"Vote time! What to do now?Voting ends on Wednesday, September 14, 2016, at 12pm London time.