Photograph by Mark Peterson / Redux

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Clarifying his position on a key national-security issue, Donald Trump said on Friday that as President he would be willing to use nuclear weapons, "but only in a sarcastic way."

"People who are worried about me having the nuclear-launch codes should stop worrying, O.K.?" Trump told CNN's Wolf Blitzer. "If I ever used nuclear weapons, it would be really obvious that I was just being sarcastic."

Pressed by Blitzer to explain the difference between a sarcastic and non-sarcastic nuclear attack, Trump responded, "You'd use the weapons and everything, but then you'd say, ‘Just kidding.’ ”

Trump did not specify which nations he would target for a sarcastic nuclear attack. "I can't say right now," he said. "But there are a lot of countries that need to lighten up."