LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

Although continuing until the tail end of January, school holidays have been cut short once again thanks to stationery suppliers going live with a premature ‘Back to School’ ad campaign.



Although continuing until the tail end of January, school holidays have been cut short once again thanks to stationery suppliers going live with a premature ‘Back to School’ ad campaign.



Primary school student Leo Nolan (10) says this is at least the third time a stationary supply giant has ruined the fun of sitting inside and doing nothing for six weeks that summer school holidays usually provides.



“They have no idea how bad this is,” says the young man who has never tasted defeat or betrayal.



“I think this might actually be the worst day of my life.”



The year 5 student states that school holiday morale has worsened this year since his eldest brother Henry (18) left school. Since leaving school, Henry has joined in on the ‘Back to School’ spirit by pointing out the billboards, tagging Leo in ‘Back to School’ posts and turning up the TV whenever a ‘Back to School’ ad comes on.



“Haha, I’m just stirring the little shit,” laughed Henry.



“Plus it’s nothing compared to the bullshit he’s going to have to go through when he actually leaves school. Only then will he know how good he has it.”



According to the older Nolan brother, while Back To school commercials are terrible, the feeling they cause pales in comparison to the crushing sense of defeat from waking up early every morning to work a job you don’t like in order to put food on your own table as well as your profit-driven overlords.



“Sure, you don’t get paid at school but a sausage roll from the canteen is like $3.50. How the fuck does that prepare you for real life?”



