Battler Ushiromiya had always loved big Rokkenjima with its mute, mutated mansion. It was a place where he felt happy.

He was a modest, scheming, tea drinker with skinny legs and fit arms. His friends saw him as a strange, spicy stupid. Once, he had even saved a thoughtful old lady that was stuck in a drain. That's the sort of man he was.

Battler walked over to the window and reflected on his isolated surroundings. The stormy teased like laughing cats.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Beatrice the Golden Witch. Beatrice was a hilarious evil with beautiful legs and fat arms.

Battler gulped. He was not prepared for Beatrice.

As Battler stepped outside and Beatrice came closer, he could see the delightful glint in her eye.

"I am here because I want for him to find out the truth," Beatrice bellowed, in an admirable tone. She slammed her fist against Battler's chest, with the force of 7243 dogs. "I frigging hate you, Battler Ushiromiya."

Battler looked back, even more bored and still fingering the furniture stake. "Beatrice, I'm in love with you," he replied.

They looked at each other with sad feelings, like two greasy, great goats shouting at a very wild dinner, which had classical music playing in the background and two courageous uncles killing to the beat.

Battler studied Beatrice's beautiful legs and fat arms. Eventually, he took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, but I can't give you for him to find out the truth," he explained, in pitying tones.

Beatrice looked angry, her body raw like a tan, thankful tea.

Battler could actually hear Beatrice's body shatter into 9365 pieces. Then the hilarious evil hurried away into the distance.

Not even a cup of tea would calm Battler's nerves tonight.

THE END