The Morning Fix: Chiefs News From Around The Web by Patrick Allen

I swear to God this isn’t an article from The Onion.

There are apparently reports of a freaking mountain lion on the loose near the Chiefs’ practice facility. Todd Haley was asked about the lion during his daily press conference today.

“I’ve seen the pictures of that mountain lion, but I’ve heard a couple different rumors of how close it actually was to the vicinity,” Haley said smiling “But it’s got a lot of guys running to their car quick at night, the buddy system’s in use.”

Yep. As if things weren’t bad enough with injuries to Eric Berry, Tony Moeaki, Matt Cassel and Jamaal Charles, now we have to worry about a dang mountain lion eating Tamba Hali on his way to his car?

Maybe the Chiefs should just forfeit the rest of the season and quit while they’re ahead. This is clear proof that the 2011 Kansas City Chiefs are cursed.

Haley is apparently dealing with the situation by starting his car remotely so that when he gets in he can get the hell out of there.

“I just kind of hobble fast to the car, have it started, and jump in fast,” he said.

I guess we should start taking bets on who is going to get eaten first. My money’s on Bill Muir. No way is he out-running a mountain lion at his age.

That being said, I think the Chiefs should use Sabby Piscitelli as an offering to keep the lion fed and happy. Hopefully Piscitelli is paired up with Barry Richardson. Two birds, one mountain lion.

Gotta hand it to Haley, he may not have gotten the preseason right but at least he is prepared for mountain lion attacks.