Audio Recording: ( For Bedtime Story Fans ) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3bNjJ4binQ&feature=youtu.be

There’s a brand new doll on the market

The ‘must have’ in this year’s Xmas stockings

But she’ll throw all your other toys out of the pram

It’s – Little Hatey Shock-kins.

In floral dress and white cardigan

With dainty shoes and wide eyes

You can dress her up however you want

But her contempt, you’ll never disguise.

With a hardened exterior, that cannot be chipped

She’s tough, not like those made of china

She wasn’t born in no cabbage patch

And she’s no raggedy-ass, Play School Jemima.

She’s doesn’t like being mollycoddled, with hugs

She can stand on her own two feet

She requires no feeds, she gets all that she needs

From suckling on Satan’s fat teat.

She’s also a money box, into the bargain

Place a coin in the slot, in her back

That will activate ‘Speech Mode’

Then you can listen to her, talking cack.

Probably best to do this when you’re all by yourself

Or you’ll risk upsetting your friends

As she has lots of horrid remarks on repeat

Designed to cause much offence,

To large people, gingers and pregnant mums

The Scottish, and all kids called ‘Tyler’

Folks with tattoos, and immigrants too

She’s quite the hate-list compiler.

”I just say what other people think”

Is her usual, well-worn excuse

So how come she never says, I’m just a nasty-arsed,

Garbage-spouting old moose?’

So I told my dearest daughter, No,

I won’t buy into this cheap, tacky figure

Make do with your Princess from Frozen

Your Winnie The Poo, Roo and Tigger.

But I WANT her!, she bawled I said, Hush now my love,

Stop all your crying and snottings

If you’re grumpy like this, well then, little miss

The last thing you need’s Hatey Shock-kins.

I suppose she was like you, once upon a time

Delightful, cute, playful, unsullied

What happened there then, I wonder, who knows?

Was she badly mistreated and bullied?

She’s a barbed girl, In her barbaric world

In her eyes, ‘independent’ and ‘plucky’

Yeah, one part Sindy, two parts Bratz

Three parts, Bride of Chucky.

Well, I held my girl tight, as I kissed her goodnight

And gave her the gentlest of rockings

Whispered, Always be strong, don’t let men do you wrong

And don’t ever be like Hatey Shock-kins.