There are many things that I have had no control over in my life. Things mess up, and I try to fix them. Some fixes are easy, while others are not. Some things just can’t be fixed. When I was younger, the only real problem I had is when the Nintendo game I was playing would freeze up. When it first happened, I seriously thought my life was over. How was I going to play Double Dribble and Tecmo Bowl? I frantically pushed the reset button. Nothing. I turned the console off and then back on. Nothing. Finally, I had a friend tell me it was no big deal, all I had to do was take the cartridge out of the game system and blow into it. Voila! Problem solved. Such an easy fix to such an enormous problem.

The first head rush I ever remember having was when I was deep into Mike Tyson’s Punchout. I had made it to Mike after several hours. The system froze. I was crushed. I blew the cartridge angrily to no avail, I then improvised and blew into the Nintendo itself. I blew so hard that I got dizzy, but it actually worked. I was relieved that I fixed the console, but back in those days there weren’t any auto saves on games. It took me weeks to get back to Mike and when I did he beat the immortal shit out of me. It was awesome.

The kids today don’t know shit about not having auto save on a game console, if you screwed up you had to go back and start all over or pretty close to starting all over. Remember, this was before the Internet, so the only way I found out this worked was by calling a friend from a rotary phone. I still don’t know who the first person was to discover the recovery method of blowing into a Nintendo cartridge, but I honestly think they deserved the Nobel Peace Prize.

Because of the Nintendo, I have actually tried this blowing method to get many things to start working again to this day. Please tell me that I’m not the only one. It started with VCRs. If something was wrong with it, I blew the tape. I mean come on, if it worked on the Nintendo it could work on a VCR. The more I think about it, I’ve blown a lot of things that seem to be malfunctioning.

I am like cancer to a pair of sunglasses. I’ve broken many pairs in my life and if I could blow on them and make them like new again I would be somewhat richer. I’ve blown into a Blackberry with success and I’ve even blown into dryer vents with success. But my biggest blowing success was when I blew into the butthole of a Baby Alive doll that belonged to my daughter. She was panicked because the doll was clogged up. I blew, problem solved. I have been a hero in her eyes ever since that day.

Imagine if all of life’s problems could be fixed like this. Amazing, right? I do understand that the bigger the problem, the harder you would have to blow.

Remember the blackout Super Bowl last year at the Super Dome? Some people, we’re looking at you Ray Lewis, believe it was a conspiracy against the Ravens and some have said it was Beyoncé and the Illuminati. I have two conclusions. 1, there is no conspiracy or 2, someone blew the San Francisco offense during halftime and reset their game. Silly I know, but so is Ray Lewis and the Illuminati.

Having control is a good thing and you were always in control while playing your Nintendo as long as you had electricity and air in your lungs. Such a simple solution to problem that came up often. It’s the little things that makes this world enjoyable, even if that little thing is a good blow every now and then.



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