This Band Sent Me A YouTube Link and a Bandcamp Link and Literally Nothing Else So Here Is A Review

An ode to bands who do not know how to self-promote: us music journalists do a lot of digging to find out as much as we can about you because you can’t be bothered to get your shit together. So here is a review of a band that sent me absolutely no introduction, no pitch, not a single sentence.

I think they call themselves Manic Abaddon but I’m just going by the email address here. I hesitantly clicked the YouTube link first thinking, “Hey, maybe this WON’T be a negative review.” Boy, I was wrong. I was so fucking wrong.

“God Is A Fly, I’m a Long-Eared Bat” is atrocious. The production is bad, the vocals are worse, the entire concept of the song is childish to say the absolute least. The lyrics are garbage. There is literally no value to this song whatsoever. I can’t tell if this is a band or just some guy. It’s someone rapping over a tinny cymbal. There’s some spoken word in there. It’s a mess. The video is very poorly made. Don’t bother with it.



Moving on to the Bandcamp link, our next and final piece to this pitch. I find myself with the track “Turn Them Bones Off” – it’s a minute and nine seconds in length and that is far too long. Again, we find some poor rap flow though I would argue that the only redeeming quality to this song is the line, “Here double ugly, go buy you a new face.” Witty. However, that small detail is not even remotely good enough to make me listen to it a second time.

In conclusion, I’d just like to state once again that the democratization of music was a massive mistake. Just because you have access to a computer and the means to record music does not mean that you should. Just because you know someone who is willing to help you do it does not mean that you should. Just because you have “so many friends” who are also making music does not mean that you should.

Stop wasting my time. I have a lot to do. When I ask for a pitch, a genuine music submission, do it the right way and at least begin your email with the word, “Hi.” This has been a public service announcement. Thank you and goodnight.

Catherine Dempsey hopes this is the first and the last negative review she will ever write. You can follow her on Instagram and Twitter.

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