"Anything that confirms for me the transitory nature of reality isn't bad. It's a good lesson in human hubris."

Richard Linklater

For almost three decades I've worked as a Correctional Officer in an environment rife with violence, fear, and the constant uncertainty of what the next crisis will bring. I'm sure any veteran CO would agree that the daily lexicon of our professions places us in unique and vulnerable situations through dealing with the results of constant exposure to stress. Add primary and secondary trauma, abuse, and proximity to dangerous and unpredictable people and you have a recipe for disaster. Please don't get me wrong, I love what I do and am very proud of my profession. I'm just tired of too many officers dying too young, robbed of the retirement they work so hard for. Especially when to a great extent it is preventable.

Why do I bother writing this? Because, If we don't make some pretty major changes in our field, over the next twenty-years, our body count will continue to rise. And the walking wounded will continue shambling through their lives until they become just another statistic. In my own career, I've earned, and beaten a severe bout of PTSD. I have survived cancer twice, and have wrestled with my own inner demons. The last year of cancer treatment has left me scarred, broken, and in constant chronic pain. It has tested my ability to endure. And when I no longer could, the lure of suicide was there, with the the promise to end my suffering. It was a close thing too. Without some timely medical intervention, my life would have ended on December 21, 2019.

I'm on the right side of things now physically, mentally and spiritually. But it's been a long, hard fought battle to find some relief, equilibrium and healing. I am slowly coming back to life and picking up where I left off before the PTSD, cancer, its treatment and the carnage it left in its aftermath.

While my job did not cause my cancer, stress, exposure to primary and secondary trauma for decades certainly contributed to an environment where my risk factors were increased. Stress does some weird and wonderful things to the body. Some are good and are linked to our survival such as the adrenal stress response which exists to override the machine and keep you alive in extreme situations. However those same stress hormones (adrenaline, cortisol) when over-stimulated lead to conditions that can produce a suppressed immune system, hypertension, chronic fatigue, cancer, anxiety, depression, PTSD, and suicidal ideation.

I think often about my career, my workplace, and the people I work with. I see the young officers, and remember when I felt ten feet tall and bullet proof. I watch them fight the same battles I fought, and make the same mistakes. I mentor those who I can, as I think it's the responsibility of the old warriors to teach, and mold the next generation. My office is often the space where I do more work with staff than the offenders I work with. Speaking with young officers who are already diagnosed with PTSD in their twenties, it is clear something is broken in the system.

The reality is that I work with a lot, of wounded warriors. Incredibly talented young officers, who don't even know they're casualties yet. They aren't even aware there is a war, never mind the fact that they are already fully engaged in battle. The signs and symptoms of trauma and stress flash out like a neon sign on a dark night, but are too often played off, dealt with inappropriately, or ignored. I've lost far too many good friends during my career to suicide, PTSD, addiction and depression. The cycle continues, because officers and organizations continue to live in delusion and denial about the realities of working in a prison and people's ability to adequately cope with the trauma, and stress this profession induces.

How do you navigate and separate your life inside, from your "real life?" When you enter the field, you learn to wear two different persona's, one for work and one for home. The problem is that like an officer too long undercover, you eventually lose track of which you is which. You begin to lose sight of which is the real you. One persona will often bleed into the other. The hybridization of the two conflicting persona's causing strife, confusion, chaos and pain in both environments.

If I could give any advice to young officers coming into the field, it would be to maintain a solid work/life balance. Do not lose your humanity, or your fundamental sense of self. It's an easy thing to do given the para-military culture and inherent toxicity of the environment we work in.

Because, once these things are gone, they are gone for good. Losing them comes with a steep cost. Learn to use what makes you fundamentally you to enhance the skills you bring to your profession. It will help ground you, and keep your outside life normal...whatever that looks like for you. Your humanity and maintaining your values are a shield, and strengths that will make you not only a better officer, but a better, person.

Never lose sight of the fact that you are spending one-third of your life in one of the most unpredictable, violent environments known, and that makes you susceptible to the same toxic stress as it does the inmates and offenders. Systemic and traumatic stress permeates every prison. Ignored, or left untreated and you run the risks associated with on the job stress and burn out...or worse.

What Are The Effects Of Stress and Burn Out

Increased workloads, a toxic/abusive work environment, smaller staffing models, longer working hours, contribute to an environment that without proper precautions and preparation will lead to disaster. Increased burn out, PTSD, absenteeism, and Increased institutional cost for stress leave, short-term disability, long-term disability and early retirement cost governments billions, and officers to suffer needlessly.

If you don't have balance in your life, it's not a question of if you will break, only when. No one is superman, and you will be affected by traumatic and systemic stress whether you choose to recognize it or not. Add to this a sociocultural paramilitary workplace, and other stresses such as discrimination, and sexual harassment and the risks just keep rising.

Working in corrections brings some unique challenges for every person who spends time inside prison walls. Let's face facts you don't have what would be considered a "normal" profession. There are very good reasons for this;

The work is stressful. Statistically the life expectancy of a Correctional Officer is fifty-seven, much of this figure is directly associated to trauma, and stress. Given the nature and the day to day job responsibility of a CO/CSW duties, and the nature of the population, daily stress is pretty much a guarantee. I used to joke that if someone hasn't threatened to kill or have me killed at least three times a week, then I'm probably on vacation.

Statistically the life expectancy of a Correctional Officer is fifty-seven, much of this figure is directly associated to trauma, and stress. Given the nature and the day to day job responsibility of a CO/CSW duties, and the nature of the population, daily stress is pretty much a guarantee. I used to joke that if someone hasn't threatened to kill or have me killed at least three times a week, then I'm probably on vacation. It challenges everything you thought you believed in about yourself and the world. Your upbringing, your cultural, social, familial experiences have shaped who you are as a person. This is your "normal," your "reality." The culture of violence, poverty, severe abuse, systems failures prevalent in prisons challenges that reality with a somewhat more raw, gritty look at the other side of the coin that most of us have never experienced as a part of our world. This altered culture will change the way you view and interact with the outside world if you are not prepared and don't have a means to deal with what you will see, hear and feel.

Your upbringing, your cultural, social, familial experiences have shaped who you are as a person. This is your "normal," your "reality." The culture of violence, poverty, severe abuse, systems failures prevalent in prisons challenges that reality with a somewhat more raw, gritty look at the other side of the coin that most of us have never experienced as a part of our world. This altered culture will change the way you view and interact with the outside world if you are not prepared and don't have a means to deal with what you will see, hear and feel. Very few people really have any idea of what you do professionally. The reality is it takes a great deal of specialized knowledge, experience, training, and guidance to make a good Correctional Officer/CSW. Most of what the general public, and even other professionals we work with know about working in a prison is based on television shows such as lock up, or movies like The Longest Yard (I cheered for the cons). CO's and CSW's are either typically portrayed as inept, corrupt, psychotic or all of the above. The other reality is that most people don't care what happens to you, as long as you have the bad guys safely locked up, and no one is kicking their doors in to rape, rob, and pillage.

The reality is it takes a great deal of specialized knowledge, experience, training, and guidance to make a good Correctional Officer/CSW. Most of what the general public, and even other professionals we work with know about working in a prison is based on television shows such as lock up, or movies like The Longest Yard (I cheered for the cons). CO's and CSW's are either typically portrayed as inept, corrupt, psychotic or all of the above. The other reality is that most people don't care what happens to you, as long as you have the bad guys safely locked up, and no one is kicking their doors in to rape, rob, and pillage. Your work is generally under-valued by society. When you think about it, we work with all of the worst individuals human nature and bad genetics can produce. Quite frankly the vast preponderance of society doesn't give a damn what happens to them, or you via association. We've all experienced some prejudice, or social stigma as the result of people finding out what you do for a living, and the types of people you work with on a daily basis.

These factors are going to cause stress, stigmatization, and challenges to your sense of identity, who you are, and how you live your life. And it doesn't just affect you at work. Your altered view of reality will travel home with you to your family and loved ones. And it will bring all of its toxicity and malignancy with it. It will harden you, as you will need to armor yourself against the physical and psychological threats within those walls of concrete, and steel.

Every time you enter a prison, you are entering an altered state of reality. It bares no resemblance to to the real world and most of the rules don't apply. And yet, when you look beneath it's thin veneer, prisons are still a distorted microcosm of society.

Like planets out of orbit, the inmates and offenders are already contaminated by their often lifelong exposure to trauma, poverty and violence. How you deport yourself will play a big part in your long term mental and physical health. If you choose to swim in their cesspool, you're the only one who's going to get infected.

Slowly like the accretions on a stalagmite, traumatic and systematic stress builds, and will eventually impact your relationships with everyone, and everything around you. It will change you, slowly but inexorably, and no one is immune to its effects. Don't believe me? Ask your family and friends if you've changed since you started working inside?

You can take precautions to build resiliency and inoculate yourself against trauma to some extent. This is good news, because for every resiliency factor you have, you reduce your risk. If you do not have a good plan to manage your mental, physical, and spiritual wellness going into this profession, you should start researching, and planning (immediately). There needs to be balance in your life if you want to beat the stats, and believe me they are working hard against you.

I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news but our career choices pre-dispose us to a plethora of daily stresses, and both primary and vicarious trauma. When this stress is chronic, it becomes compounded over time, it can lead to burn out, PTSD, suicide, and early death. If you look closely at the day to day job stresses on individuals working in corrections it's no wonder our average life expectancy is fifty-seven.

We also have one of the highest rates of suicide among working professionals. Ten-percent of officers and one in seven retired officers have had thoughts of suicidal ideation.

We suffer PTSD, divorce, addiction, depression, anxiety, and domestic violence at higher rates than most professions. It is difficult to fathom these statistics among correctional officers/CSW's until you understand the crushing pressure the profession can exert on anyone without an outlet for all of the toxicity the job carries with it. You don't just take all of that violence, abuse, trauma and stress off at the end of a set like your uniform and put it away until your next shift.

There are several factors that affect these statistics. Working with inmates, offenders, families, outside agencies, the justice system, and within and with other large government organizations leads to both individual and organizational stress. Daily exposure to primary and vicarious trauma, and an often toxic workplace culture, can be a deadly cocktail, especially when consumed daily, for years on end. Medical research links the stress hormones such as adrenaline, and cortisol with an increased risk factors for many diseases.

And if you think what we do is not stressful; a large part of my work entails working with gang members and human trafficking victims. I deal with all of the crap that people fear, don't understand or want to pretend doesn't exist. There are things I have seen, heard, and experienced that have deeply impacted me, that I can never un-see. Some have left deep wounds on my spirit, and haunted my dreams for years. And I guarantee all of my brother and sister officers wrestle with demons of their own. We are all only human and can only bare so much pressure before something gives.

Yet even with moving towards a more trauma informed workplace, burnout, PTSD, suicide, and, primary and secondary trauma exposure are still often overlooked, un-diagnosed, or ignored completely until a catastrophic breakdown occurs. Poor coping mechanisms, exposure to a toxic environment/culture and a lack of self-care, are going to continue to predispose correctional officers to a multitude of health and mental health related disorders. This needs to change.





There is a movement towards trauma informed care for both correctional officers, and the inmates we work with. But it is going to take years to correct the damage done. It's also going to take a lot of time and effort to reconfigure the sociocultural realities and norms of a paramilitary organization such as corrections. Until real change is instituted at an organizational level, you need to be looking out for yourself and your peers. But you are not alone.

The past seven years dealing with my own PTSD, two bouts of cancer, and two close calls with suicide have shown me first hand that despite all my self-delusion, I am merely human. My hubris was thinking that I had it all under control. That I could keep it all compartmentalized nicely inside my brain and that it wouldn't explode like old sweating dynamite, affecting everyone and everything in my life.

I carry the cumulative weight of almost three-decades of stress, trauma, both primary and vicarious, as well as my own share of battle scars. It has forced me to take a good hard look at who I really am and what I value. It has also taught me the value of self-care and the need to restore balance. In our profession when you walk in the darkness so often, it becomes harder to find the light again.

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”

Aristotle





Developing A Wellness Plan

Planning for your wellness should be given the same time and attention that you put into planning your career path. It means that you have to make yourself a priority first, and know what your risk factors are. When you are looking at creating a wellness plan there are some key concepts and approaches to consider.

Your quality of life is important. It is important for both you and the people in your life you love and care about. Working five double shifts a set may pay a few of the bills, but it is also taking you away from the things and people in your life that nurture and fulfill you.

It is important for both you and the people in your life you love and care about. Working five double shifts a set may pay a few of the bills, but it is also taking you away from the things and people in your life that nurture and fulfill you. You have the responsibility to take your wellness needs seriously, and to make them a priority in your life. If you don't nobody else will. You have benefits, use them. See your doctor regularly, and discuss any issues related to stress. Don't ignore the signs and symptoms of burnout and PTSD. They don't go away on their own, and will worsen. Talk about your stress with someone you trust. Seek professional help if needed. The earlier you seek help the better your prognosis for recovery. Exercise, eat healthy meals, find that time/space that is just for you to get out of your own head for awhile.

If you don't nobody else will. You have benefits, use them. See your doctor regularly, and discuss any issues related to stress. Don't ignore the signs and symptoms of burnout and PTSD. They don't go away on their own, and will worsen. Talk about your stress with someone you trust. Seek professional help if needed. The earlier you seek help the better your prognosis for recovery. Exercise, eat healthy meals, find that time/space that is just for you to get out of your own head for awhile. You are responsible for your own self-care. Take the time to examine where your self-care may be lacking and ensure that you are addressing those needs in a timely manner. As with anything else in life, the effort you put into your self-care will be reflected by a longer, healthier, more productive life and career.

Take the time to examine where your self-care may be lacking and ensure that you are addressing those needs in a timely manner. As with anything else in life, the effort you put into your self-care will be reflected by a longer, healthier, more productive life and career. Change is often slow, painful and resistant. We are creatures of habit, and we tend to repeat patterns of behavior that provide us with some sort of reward. For you to make any real and meaningful change to the behaviors that affect your wellness is going to take time, effort and brutally honest self-reflection.

We are creatures of habit, and we tend to repeat patterns of behavior that provide us with some sort of reward. For you to make any real and meaningful change to the behaviors that affect your wellness is going to take time, effort and brutally honest self-reflection. Learn to understand how you react to stress and trauma and to deal with them and yourself compassionately. Too many times we are plagued with self-doubt, guilt, or left feeling weak for being human. Cut yourself a little slack and understand that everyone is affected by stress and trauma. Some are just better at masking the symptoms than others.

As you are working on your wellness plan your initial focus should be on any signs and symptoms of stress that pose an immediate risk to your health and safety. This means that in order to find that balance there needs to be a stable base to build from. Dealing with anxiety, depression, physical symptoms and substance abuse problems should always be your first priority. All of them are potentially dangerous in their own right and can place you at serious risk.

Once again this is why you have benefits, use them to seek a qualified diagnosis and treatment plan. You need to treat the root of the problem first. Dealing with core clinical stress effects must be managed first. Only then can you start to address the maladaptive/negative beliefs and behaviors and start the painful process of change.

The Plan

Creating a wellness plan requires only two very simple principles;

Do it - Clearly the best wellness plan in the world won't work if you won't follow it. This means you need to take a minute to assess the commitment on your part to follow through on your plan. I see this all of the time in the gym, or when I teach the combat arts. People start out with big plans, but soon realize the time and effort involved in meeting their goals. That is why most quit early. A good place to start is to look at your daily schedule. Where and when can you make twenty to thirty minutes available to yourself every day. Your time commitments may change as you progress through your plan, but generally maintaining your wellness shouldn't be an onerous time commitment.

Clearly the best wellness plan in the world won't work if you won't follow it. This means you need to take a minute to assess the commitment on your part to follow through on your plan. I see this all of the time in the gym, or when I teach the combat arts. People start out with big plans, but soon realize the time and effort involved in meeting their goals. That is why most quit early. A good place to start is to look at your daily schedule. Where and when can you make twenty to thirty minutes available to yourself every day. Your time commitments may change as you progress through your plan, but generally maintaining your wellness shouldn't be an onerous time commitment. Commit - Unlike the exercise metaphor used above, the pathway to wellness deals with the more fundamental aspects of your life. Your relationships, health, reason for being, and future all play a large part in your wellness. There are many ways to develop and work through your wellness plan. Your plan will be as individual as you are, so make sure it reflects your needs, ability to maintain, and make it a daily priority.

As previously stated your plan will be as individual as you are, but there are some common areas of your life that should be addressed to ensure your plan is complete, holistic and manageable. In the end it's up to you, but when you consider an average career is thirty-five years to retirement it would be foolhardy to not plan for your long term health and wellness.

Kerry Sauve