As humans, we are all magnificent by nature. We possess the ability to overcome obstacles, achieve meaningful accomplishments, honor our most important values, attain happiness and contribute our special, unique gifts to others. In short, we can take responsibility for making our lives work optimally. Unfortunately, through the course of experiencing life’s challenges, we often lose sight of these facts. From birth and continuing throughout our lifetimes, we encounter countless experiences that can either enhance our self-esteem or erode it.

The process of diminishing our self-esteem begins with a simple observation that we somehow do not measure up. We judge ourselves as different and deficient in some way. We decide that we don’t belong. From this point, our lives unfold in accordance with our expectations. These expectations directly relate to how we feel about ourselves. Either we are worthy of all the good things life can offer or we deserve pain and suffering because we lack value.

When we judge ourselves harshly, we dramatically diminish our ability to merit love and achieve the success and abundance the world reserves for those most valuable. When we base our actions upon the belief that we lack what it takes to deserve rich relationships, material wealth, and happiness, we trigger those very things we fear most: As our self-esteem insidiously continues to diminish, we find ourselves incapable of directing our lives and fortunes productively. Resignation sets in like dry rot, killing our spirits. This ensures that seeing our- selves as undeserving will viciously cycle into results consistent with this expectation and reinforces our sense of worthlessness. The more our self-esteem drops, the less likely we are to act in a way that will generate positive feedback to elevate our deteriorating self-worth.

The key to reversing the process of self-doubt lies in creating empowering interpretations about things that others say or do rather than negative interpretations that berate us and fuel feelings of inadequacy. Become proficient at distinguishing facts from interpretations.

We, too often, confuse what was actually said or done with the personal meaning we attribute to these occurrences. Those who suffer low self-esteem share a greater tendency to tack negative meanings onto life’s events. The significance they place on these situations has negative personal connotations, even when none were intended or existed. These damaging interpretations immediately trigger anger, sadness or fear. These emotions rapidly become familiar and induce a false sense of security. Although we hate feeling angry, sad, or afraid, we continually create explanations of events that land us in these moods. We continually collapse facts with interpretations. The stronger the emotions become, the greater our tendency to attribute incorrect connotations to situations. The more we do so, the further our self-esteem erodes.

The good news is that anyone can learn new behavior of attaching positive or neutral meaning to things that are said or done, re- placing the typical negative implications. The first step requires developing the ability to distinguish facts from the interpretations we attribute to the facts. This is especially useful during times of stress and upset, when the emotions of anger, sadness, or fear are present. Like red flags, these emotions warn us that we are confusing facts.

Life’s Missing Instruction Manual – JOE VITALE