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AS part of WWNs opinion series, we give a platform to those who don’t really deserve it. This week is the turn of Dublin estate agent Terence Whales, who discusses the current property market and how it has surpassed Celtic Tiger peaks.

I can’t believe I was so close to shutting up shop 7 years ago. It gives me the willies to think about it now. Times were bad. But time is a wonderful thing. Time is a forgiver. Time is a healer. Time is money too, and 2018 is the right time to extort that exact thing out of you in the only way I can – a nice juicy rental revenue stream.

Don’t like how high rent has got? Sorry, but have you heard of ‘market forces’ or ‘market value’? I’ve no idea what those phrases mean, but it usually shuts people up.

To be honest, I didn’t think you’d fall for this lark again, but yet here we are, and not only are you gullible fucking fools falling for it, you’ve gone head first into the property abyss, and that’s great for business, so thanks for that.

Look, I don’t set the prices. To be honest, I don’t know who does, and it’s gone on too long now to turn around ask who does. You could ask the Minister for Housing, but c’mon, he doesn’t know either.

We don’t even bother advertising rentals on Daft.ie because the second we do, we get bombarded with phone calls from you lunatics trying to barter vital organs and blow jobs to secure places. You’d be surprised how quickly you can get bored of spare livers and ejaculating.

‘Why are you being so mean?’ I hear you ask.

The other day I rented out a 3 bedroom flat in Dun Laoghaire for 2,500 euro. The flat was repossessed from a woman who couldn’t afford the mortgage in 2008 when her husband killed himself after losing his job. They had already paid 150k off the then 250k property, but the vulture fund that the bank sold the debt to for 50k just kicked her out on her arse. That property is now worth 500k and generating all that juicy monthly income. The vulture fund pays no tax. The bank’s mortgage debt was already paid by you, the taxpayer, so excuse me when I collectively call you lot “gullible fucking fools”.

You people sit there and give out, but yet elect a different side of the same coin time after time, and then somehow expect sympathy from the same people profiting from property. Half of Leinster House are landlords, you muppets. And you call them stupid? Haha please.

So excuse me if I’m a little cold-hearted here, but when I see an opportunity, I’ll take it. My mission this boom round is to gauge how much more money from your wages you’re willing to part with.

I’m betting it’s a lot more.

Thanks again for your business, and be sure to come again, and again, and again, and again.

T.