Time

Time used to move so swiftly. So swiftly in fact, that I often thought about my impending death and how ‘life is so short’. When I freed myself, however, time screeched to a halt. Time is going by so luxuriously and languid that sometimes I find myself wondering what to do with ALL THIS FREE TIME. I love the way my life is moving now.

As time moves by me at a slower rate than it used to, I have more moments to pause and reflect on myself. I have ten times more moments to think about all the stuff I want to do in life. I have fifteen times more moments to think about all the ways I am lucky. And I have fifty times more moments to think about how I am so in love. These are foreign feelings to me. That makes me sad for people I've spent my time with prior, but so excited for myself these days.

I am having a hard time trying to explain these feelings to people. I feel like people do not believe me. Many of them look at me suspiciously. Is it true? Do most people never fall in love?

I come back to this subject so often merely because it is on my heart 24/7. Some days, I can think of nothing else, and the thing that propels me forward to my new life is the fact that my heart is so light and full of joy. Is this wrong? Am I selfish? Should I push the feelings deep down inside of me, and hide them from the world? Should I treat them as if they were something to be ashamed of…something to hide…something to fear?

I refuse those scenarios. I have nothing to fear, nothing to hide, and nothing to be ashamed of. I will let everyone see my feelings written on my face at all times. I will let people comment on how I am “different”. I will let people tell me that I am “beautiful”, or “youthful”, or “lucky”.

It is YOU who should be ashamed. You who would have me tuck my love away and not share it with the world. My love should serve as a mirror for the love you also deserve. I believe it whole-heartedly, that if you do not feel as I do, then you need to go out and find something that makes you feel this way.