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Sup! If you ain't heard of me, it's ya man LOL Cool J. And if ya have, sorry lol. So Time Out comes to me and is like ‘we want you to put pen to paper and do us a column and that’. So I was like ‘fair play, but I ain't used pen and paper since school lol and I ain't plannin on startin’ again now’. So I typed it here for you. Just some tips and titbits. #tips #titbits #titties.

So my first tip is for the laydeez. When the LOL Cool J is around, lock up ya daughters and lock up yaselves. I'm a real laydeez man and I don't care who knows it. #lockedup #prisonbreak #sickTV Now onto the DJ stuff. 1st rule of being a successful DJ is that you gotta play your decks like you play your gyal dems – with care and love – but always knowing that the next big tune is just around the corner. So keep your finger on the pulse when it's not in the p%$$*e. #decks #doubledecker #242 #dalston #goodladsgotoheavenbadladscometodalston

A bit of advice that I got from Diplo... well, I learned from Diplo. Once passed him a little mix CD I'd done and he thought I was passing him a drinks coaster. And I thought to myself, LOL, you ain't nobody until your somebody, and that's what's got me this far. #dreams #cancometrue #gabrielle #diplo #massiveG Any budding DJs out there, there is more to it than spinning decks, cashing checks and fingering skets. It's an art. #listenandlearn

There's shit loads to be said for your social media marketing. Fuck Twitter, that's just a load of chumps showing off who they know. As you all know though, I update my Facebook on the regs and since landing here in the big smoke from Southampton and taking things a bit more seriously, it's got me two pub DJ sets and a blowie from someone that thought I used to be in Grange Hill. #socialmedia #marketing #business

Everyone in this town is striving for something – new crib, new job, new hoe or new homie (if you're that way inclined lol). Me, I'm always striving for the same thing: wanna be the next Tim Westwood or Vanilla Ice. So I guess this nugget of love is to keep your eyes on the prize. #eyes #prize #winner #olympicgames

You've gotta speculate to accumulate. Much like when you're up in the club and all the gyal dems are turning their noses up at you. Keep pushing for the top notch taff and they'll come. May not be at 11pm, may not be at 2am. But sooner or later, they'll be all over the LOL CJ like a tramps jacket. Basically do the shitty jobs, graft, and the good ones will come. #tramps #homeless #charity #donate #topnotchtaff

When you're a DJ you travel all the time. I've been across London so many times my Tupac Oyster card wallet has more holes in it than he did. So make sure they have your rider ready and waiting for you. Mine is as follows...

LOL Cool J rider:

1 x can of Lynx Africa

20 x blue WKDs (for the laydeez)

10 x magnum jonnies, xtra-large. lol

1 x box of cocktail sausages

2 x salt and vinegar Discos

No delivery. No play.

Always, I repeat, ALWAYS keep your fishing tackle on you. I mean, you never know when you might need it. We're talking your Lynx, your Burbs Brit, your VO5 stylin’ wax (your jonnys ;-P ) and some chewie. Keep yourself fresh all day. Erryday. #lynx #bigcats #zoo #favouritemagazine. Gotta remember where you came from too. I'm a Southie boy at heart and will always remember that. And my fans have got me where I am today so big up to my crew dems. #LOLCJcrew #CoolJcrew #loveforthecoolj

And finally, the first rule of being a baller like me is partyin’ all night and sleeping all day. Apart from when you're at work. You've gotta remember it's about poppin’ bottles and livin’ it up. This is how I roll. #roll #sausageroll #sausagefest #lads #ladsonthetown #CHAMPAGNELIFESTYLE

Oh, one more thing… for any laydeez or DJ managers interested lol, you can get me on lolcoolj69@hotmail.com. You gotta get yourself connected #carphonewarehouse #shamelesspromotion

Do yourself a favour: follow LOL Cool J on Facebook.

After something a bit more actually helpful? Check out Jazzy Jeff’s tips for DJs.