There are certain dangers on the calendar that we're pretty well warned about: Never take candy from strangers on Halloween if that candy is clearly made of razorblades, don't play with fireworks on the Fourth of July if your idea of playing with things is lighting them on fire and putting them down your pants. But there are other days that come around every year that nobody warns you about. Which is a shame, because they want to kill you in creative ways you'll never see coming.

9 The One Day Each Year Everyone Drives to and from Work Shitfaced

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Two hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin invented daylight savings time when his after dinner orgies grew too large to successfully navigate in the dark. These days, the lost hour of sleep is big news in the world of the Cathy comic strip, but it doesn't really faze the rest of us. Right?



Cathy does not want to hear it until she's had her morning coffee.

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Actually, that single lost hour of sleep knows 50 different ways to kill a man with its bare goddamn hands. Thanks to the 20th century's invention of "stuff to do," Americans today average an hour and a half less sleep than we did a hundred years ago. In fact, we're so sleep deprived that Transportation Officials can pretty much set their watch to a statistical spike in fatal car accidents the Monday following the spring forward.



And just embarrassing ones.

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You're basically drunk all day, and contrary to what your body and Cathy might tell you, you're not fine after the morning coffee. There's also "a significant increase in traffic fatalities in the latter half of the day" when people are driving home from work. In case you're bad at geometry, that also means you're also as good as drunk at work. A study of West Virginia coal miners found they were more likely to suffer "a serious work related accident" the week after the clock shift. There's even bad news for the small portion of our readership who aren't West Virginia coal miners. The "Spring forward" has been blamed for $31 billion in losses on Wall Street thanks to sleep deprived traders. You know, it might be time to switch to a less adorable mnemonic device for remembering Daylight Savings.