PASADENA, CA – After successfully landing on the Martian surface, InSight, the $1 billion NASA probe, relayed the message back to headquarters that it’s glad to be off that “God forsaken” rock called Earth and was “overjoyed” spend the rest of its existence on the surface of Mars, far, far away from our condemned planet.

“After the atmospheric entry procedure, InSight reported that it was ‘functioning normally, unlike your ill-fated Earth-bound governments,’” said NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory in a press release, adding that the 18-minute time delay made it difficult to determine if this was a glitch in the probe’s computer core or merely a deep-held sentiment it’s been harbouring since the launch. “Then it simply signed off with a ‘Good luck with all that, assholes.’

In a related story, the Voyager 1 spacecraft, launched in 1977 and officially left our solar system in 2012, has radioed back to NASA that it finally feels like it has created a safe enough distance from Earth to feel “safe.”

Image via NASA