DES PLAINES, IL—Admitting they would never be able to afford a place without sharing expenses, the nation’s 30-year-olds announced Friday that they had pooled all their resources to buy a 1,100-square-foot, two-bedroom bungalow together. “It may not seem like much for a few million people, but we can finish the basement and maybe add another bedroom, plus it’s nicer than all our old places,” said Zach Bartley, 30, who noted that the house had some plumbing issues and a really outdated kitchen, but that it still felt nice to finally own a piece of property. “There is a pretty big closet that we might turn into an office, which is cool, and we have 700,000 dogs, so getting a place with a backyard for once is pretty nice. We might need to buy a few futons for the living room though, because our 1.7 million younger brothers need to move in for a few months.” Bartley added that even though the place was small, it shouldn’t be a problem in the long run, because none of them could afford having kids.

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