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I scanned the busy lobby of the JCC of Greater Columbus last Thursday night in Ohio, but I didn’t see her. The receptionist at sign-in told me that mom blogger Melissa McClaren had arrived already and was with her kids in the open seating area behind the front desk. Yes! Melissa brought the twins! I scribbled my name, hardly able to contain myself. When I spotted her and 11-year-olds Conner and Murphy, I felt my face become the wide-toothed-grin emoji icon.

Two months earlier I’d received an email from the savvy JCC Bookfair Coordinator suggesting that a local mom join the program at my upcoming book event. I loved that idea. I’d just been corresponding with the mom that same day on Facebook. I’d been a fan since finding her personal essays on The Huffington Post. Last spring she wrote a smack-down response to the so-called “bathroom bills” springing up around the country. And the week before arriving to meet her in Columbus, she shared an emotionally charged piece on the parenting journey that has lead her and Conner to puberty blockers.

I waved to the threesome on my way over to greet them and then embraced Melissa. After introductions, Conner wanted to give me a hug. I was “the second celebrity” she had ever hugged, the first being her hero Jazz Jennings. She told me she wanted to be a public speaker and had just submitted her first article to a girls’ magazine. I learned she loved science, especially astronomy, and had a theory on how to come out the backside of a black hole. Murphy, on the other hand, was happy with a handshake.

After my reading, and our conversation that included a pointed discussion on the importance of visibility for transgender and gender-nonconforming kids, Melissa asked if anyone in the audience had a question. Murphy’s hand shot up like a rocket from the back row. Melissa told him she wanted to take questions from the adults first, but returned to him for the last question of the evening.

“Can I have another cookie?” he wanted to know.

Murphy received a big laugh from the room, and, with a “yes” from mom, he got his cookie.

“So, Conner, what would you want the parents of a transgender child to know?” I asked.

Then, eyeing the future public speaker sitting in the last seat of the last row, I asked Conner if she might like to come up on stage and take a question. She agreed and, with a little swerve past the cookie plate, walked to the front of the room and up the steps to the stage.

Melissa handed her microphone to Conner. I watched as that confident young girl in a turquoise butterfly tee and multi-colored heart print skirt took a deep breath, clutched the mic to her chest, and stood tall. I couldn’t help but smile at this astronomy-loving star of a bright and hopeful future.

“So, Conner, what would you want the parents of a transgender child to know?” I asked.

“I’d say that if you have a boy who tells you he’s really a girl, or a daughter who tells you she’s a boy on the inside, or a child who doesn’t feel like either, believe them,” she began. “It might be difficult at first…but think of it like a rock…the first rock you’ll climb as a parent of that child. And there will be other rocks. But when you get to the top of the mountain, it will be beautiful.”

Melissa and I shared an astounding glance. Then I started the roomful of applause that Conner’s remarkable response deserved. She had spoken with such poise and confidence. I could feel Melissa beaming with pride, and I was so moved by the two of them, mother and daughter.

After signing books, we posed for some photos. Aside from the group shot where Murphy is showing his hint of a smile, my favorite is the selfie Melissa took with Conner popping into the background. Before we left there were more “cuggles” – the twins’ term for a hug + cuddle. And I felt so honored that steady and seemingly all-knowing Murphy wanted one now, too.

A week later, I still get a little misty when I think of Conner’s advice to parents: “Believe them.” After meeting Melissa and her children I am resolute that being an advocate for LGBTQ kids, and helping their parents understand them, is absolutely the right work for me. I can only hope to channel Conner’s presence, commitment, and ease wherever I go. Now, cuggles for all!

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