Dear knockoff Louis Vuitton flip phone,

I’ve been looking for you. I don’t know if I'll ever find you in the US, but I want to believe. I want to imagine that one day I could take your gold-plated body out to the clubs in Brooklyn and show you off. I know everyone would be jealous. I want to flip you open during a tense exchange with a friend and walk off pretending like I got a phone call. My friend would wish she had a flip phone for effect, too.

But I don’t totally get you. You have so many buttons that maybe don’t have a purpose? Like those four buttons with the Louis Vuitton-esque images printed on them. What do they do? Are they just for show? I’d be okay if they were. I know the center "LV" button takes me back to a central menu, but everything else makes no sense. You confuse me, knockoff Louis Vuitton flip phone. A YouTube video attempts to explain you to me, but the person using you only speaks Russian, and I don't speak Russian.

I found you on Instagram through a Los Angeles-based creative studio. Lol I know, typical. You weren’t tagged, and I didn’t know if you were an art piece. I Googled you. I saw your photo on some Russian websites. Normally that’d scare me off, but I’m reluctantly intrigued. I can’t explain it. Honestly, knockoff Louis Vuitton flip phone, I think you’re what I’ve been needing and wanting. You’re mini, so you’d fit in my bag or on a keychain attached to my clutch. You’re gold and therefore luxurious. You appropriate a legitimate fashion brand, which makes you both confident and sophisticated. You’re simple. You don’t load Instagram or Snapchat. I mean, I don’t think you turn on, but if you did, you definitely don’t have apps. I could just send messages in the club and call my friends on you. Seriously, knockoff Louis Vuitton flip phone, we’d make a great pair.

Thinkin 'bout you,

Ashley