It’s a sad day for the one per centers. Mercedes-Benz announced that it’ll be nuking super-luxo saloon subsidiary, Maybach, by 2013.

The decision came after nobody really bought one. Both the 57 and 62 limousines (which are based on third-gen S-Class underpinnings, circa 1991) yielded dismal sales so MB’s cutting its losses and bolting on an exciting S600 Pullman variant to its 2013 S-class lineup.

So, dear sack kickers, hiphoperers and smug entrepreneurs, we’ve compiled a list of alternatives, which contains all of the salient facts*

*Based on Top Gear research