US Spec Ops Raid Uncovers Embarrassing Terrorist Blooper Reel

first published on May 14, 2018 by Will

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US Special Operations troops recently conducted a raid on ISIS-K in Afghanistan, and among the wrecked terrorists’ corpses they found embarrassing footage that was never meant to be seen.

The SOCOM raid was conducted on an Islamic State Khorasan Province (ISIS-K) headquarters in Darzab district, Jowzjan province, in northern Afghanistan on 21 March 2018. The footage was then compiled and released through the Defense Visual Information Distribution Service (DVIDS).

The clips show a terrorist group so incredibly incompetent that by viewing it, you’re likely to feel more pity than hate for these bumbling stooges. It’s almost as if they are trying to parody themselves.

The footage was, for obvious reasons, previously unreleased by the insurgent group. It mainly shows futile attempts to make a propaganda video inside of a Darzab mosque that highlights their nonexistent skills in physical fitness, hand to hand combat, and weapons handling.

The uncoordinated buffoons choreograph cheesy karate moves that would be unfit for even the lowest budget 1970’s Kung Fu films. A sparring match with laugh-inducing snap punches suggest that these tools couldn’t fight their way out of a wet paper bag. Even a simple game of leap frog is too complicated and physically demanding for them.

At one point in the footage, one of the goons tries to make a speech for the camera, but cannot speak for three seconds without choking on his face mask. He makes repeated attempts, but only fails harder as the fabric becomes soaked with saliva.

The video ends just as it begins to turn into a steamy romance film. Apparently, they video documented their man-love Thursday parties as well. Thankfully, the defense agency that uploaded the footage cut it off before the unlucky goat was brought out.

The negative effects of multiple generations of inbreeding are very real, as evidenced by this ridiculously embarrassing video.