TORONTO – Inspired by the refreshing desperation of Montreal’s 375th anniversary “Sorry” tourism campaign, the city of Toronto has released its own series of “Sorry” ads, aimed at apologizing to their Quebecois neighbors for stealing their cultural relevance.

The sixty-second spots feature Torontonians bravely navigating whichever of Montreal’s gravel-lined streets aren’t completely blocked off by construction, and going door to door to apologize to residents for stealing all their most talented actors, writers, painters, architects, doctors, chefs, scientists, lawyers, academics, investment bankers, entrepreneurs, fashion designers, bars, restaurants, and nightlife.

“Don’t worry, though, we made sure to leave you guys smoked meat, the language police, and plays performed in blackface,” notes one Toronto resident. “We know how fundamental that stuff is to your identity.”

The gesture was initially met with resentment from Montrealers, who objected to being woken up before 2pm. Still, any tensions were quickly diffused once residents of Quebec’s largest metropolis were gifted with free plane tickets to Toronto, which they can trade for cash to spend on booze, cigarettes, and eight months’ rent.

Sadly, the otherwise successful venture was marked by tragedy, as the Toronto ambassadors disappeared on their way back to the airport after their taxi fell into one of Montreal’s many Heritage sinkholes.