Why I’m Pro-Abortion

by Chelsea

Editor’s Note: This is the first perspective in our new mini-series, “Pro.” To read more about the series and the abortion debate, click here.

Let’s begin with an exercise. Close your eyes, and voice the first image that pops into your head when you say these two terms:

Pro-choice.

Pro-life.

I don’t know what came to your mind, but I can guess based on what came to mine. These terms have ensconced themselves in hyperbole: the militant “feminazi” and the religious “fanatic.” Really, two sides of the same coin if you think about it. Nothing in common and above all, no respect for their adversary. Unfortunately, I don’t fall neatly into either camp. While I skew definitively to one side, I still shy away from both extremes. Perhaps it would help if you knew more about me first.

I grew up in Northern California, a bastion of liberalism filled with hippies and organic food recipes. My mother comes from a family of militant atheists, many of whom will shout over someone who disagrees with them with the zeal of Bill O'Reilly. My father comes from a Bible-thumping family of Fox News watchers. Needless to say, we don’t have many joint reunions. As I grew up, I realized that I didn’t want to join either side. I actually enjoy spending time with my father’s family MORE, as long as politics don’t come up. And it’s easy to vent about the latest Republican snafu when I see my mother’s family. So where does that leave me?

I’m a strange mix of conservative goals and liberal ideologies. I want two children, a house, and a husband - I just happen to want us both to work part-time as the kids grow up. I don’t drink and have never done drugs, but I believe that marijuana should be legal. I think religion is a tool and neither inherently good or evil. In the end, I believe in equality, but when you try to enforce your beliefs on others, I get snippy right quick. So where do I fit? It’s hard to find a boyfriend who wants that traditional (more or less) family and believes in serving his community, but also doesn’t believe in God or having you stay home full-time. This is a great example of why my friends so often run the gamut from orthodox religious to commitment phobic bra-burner: I exist in limbo. All are welcome.

You’re probably wondering what all of this has to do with abortion. Like the rest of my life, my stance on abortion is nuanced: I support others’ right to do it, but I doubt that I would ever be able to get one myself. You see, it all boils down to choice. To me, feminism is all about choice, not just for women, but also for men. If a woman wants to be a CEO, have crazy tantric sex every night with a different person, and never have children, that’s her choice. If a woman wants to stay home with her children and let her husband provide financially, that’s also her choice. But here’s the kicker: If a MAN wants to do either of those things, that’s also his choice. The same is true for abortions.

The way abortions are parsed in our country betrays the motivations of both sides. If conservative groups were really interested in preventing abortions, they would come out in full support of birth control for every woman. And if liberal groups were really all about choice, they wouldn’t throw shade at the woman who chooses to keep her baby and even stay home full-time to raise her. In the end, the issue has become part of a larger agenda. So let’s break it down.

I don’t know anyone, regardless of race, religion, political affiliation, or any other identifier, that started her day thinking, “I would just LOVE to get an abortion today.” Even if you’re completely all right with getting one, it takes a toll on your body and, at least in the United States, WHEW can it be expensive. The fact is that abortions are fallback options, for when something goes wrong or you just mess up.

Can you imagine making a single error in judgment and having to live with emotional, physical, and financial consequences every day? It seems reasonable for something like killing someone, which irreparably injures others, but what if it’s an error in judgment that only affects you and maybe one other person? Should that be a life-altering error? That guy that seemed really nice turned out to be not at all what you wanted. You had a bad day at work and got too drunk to remember to use a condom. Did you know that when Friends first started, the studio execs were concerned that audiences wouldn’t like Monica because she slept with a man on the first date? Yet when the pilot was tested, they found that actually women identified with her, because sometimes you just misjudge a situation.

The way the abortion debate is currently framed, that woman, whatever the situation may be (and there are far worse situations than the ones I’ve proposed), deserves to be punished for the rest of her life. I’m not saying that motherhood is a punishment, I’m saying that having a child when you didn’t plan to have one will radically and irrevocably alter your life and not always for the best. A woman deserves to make the choice for herself. If she’s against it, she can keep the child. If she’s not, she can have an abortion and move on.

One side of the abortion debate that I think gets far too little attention is the prevention side of things. When we talk about preventing abortions, we talk about preventing sex altogether. That’s not really realistic, nor is it advisable in my opinion. Particularly once you get to your 20s, you have the mental faculties to make your own decisions. If you want to only have sex during marriage, that is absolutely your choice. Everyone has the right to have sex however best works for them as long as they are 1) honest with their partner and 2) both parties (or more, whatever floats your boat) consent to all activities as they happen. That’s it. No religion, no judgment, unless you bring it in yourself.

Can you image how far we would go toward preventing abortion if everyone had access and knew how to use birth control? So often those that are against abortion relate it to murder. Most pro-choice people just roll their eyes, but I have empathy for those people. If you genuinely believed that life begins at conception, you believed that to your very core, the same way that you believe that a 10-year-old child is a life, how terrifying must abortion be to you? Removing the debate about where life actually begins, just think about that. If you really believed that, wouldn’t you do anything to stop it? Wouldn’t you do anything to stop someone from killing a 10-year-old child? The answer to this debate is not name-calling and one-sided sound bites, it’s LISTENING to each other and addressing our concerns.

In the end, I am pro-choice because I believe it is tied inexorably to the autonomy of every woman in our society. I believe that every person, man, woman, or somewhere in between, has the right to choose what they want to do with their lives, who to spend their lives with, and when or if to have children. The big solution to this is not abortion, it’s birth control. It’s removing the potential life from the equation. Everyone knows that you should brush and floss to prevent cavities. But do we really want to live in a world that turns to someone who didn’t and says, “Too bad. Now that you have a cavity, we don’t do fillings anymore and you’ll have to live with that pain for the rest of your life”? We are more compassionate than that. We are better than that. So the next time you hear of someone getting an abortion, don’t jump to judgment. Remember that no one plans for that. And maybe one by one we can build a world that’s a little more tolerant.

View notes for this post