Mayor Bill de Blasio, who despite the indictment of a number of his donors has not been indicted, will announce that he plans to run for president, according to a campaign spokesman, who, to our best knowledge has also not been indicted.

Bill de Blasio will be headed to Iowa, where he is unlikely to be indicted because he has probably not committed any crimes in that state, to campaign for the Democratic nomination by touting his achievements as Mayor of New York, such as banning plastic bags, shoving homeless shelters into formerly good neighborhoods, and also not being indicted.

The unindicted politician reportedly plans to emphasize to potential voters that he has a solid record of implementing a progressive agenda without ever being indicted.

He is also expected to point out that after surviving an FBI investigation and being reelected, despite the widespread disdain and hatred of the city, he is excellently positioned to take on President Trump and successfully implement a national agenda without being indicted.