Falling in love with a fashionista means always having to say you're sorry.

For thousands of husbands and boyfriends who dared to give their fashionista lovers a sweater or bag or, God forbid, jewellery that was, shall we say off-trend, the days after Christmas can be fraught with hurt feelings. He can't believe she doesn't like the dress. She's upset he was so off-the-mark.

These men know how passionate their partners are about fashion, yet they persevere, hoping this time their precious gift will get the response they desire.

Fashionistas, generally speaking, acknowledge they don't reveal their best side at Christmas. None wanted their names used in this article.

Recalls one particularly strident woman, "Last Christmas, my boyfriend got me an expensive designer sweater. He got it at Holt Renfrew and paid a fortune for it. I could tell he really thought he'd done well. It was colourful. It was awful. But I couldn't tell him that. Now I wear it strategically, like when we go to visit his family."

Not all fashionistas are so diplomatic.

At a post-Christmas get-together, a trendy woman in her 40s huddled with a group of girlfriends, describing the necklace her husband had purchased for her. While she remarked that the stones were handsome enough, she then executed a discreet shoulder check to make sure he was out of earshot. She tilted toward her posse and whispered. "He had it mounted in silver."

The well-heeled group gasped in sympathy.

"I could barely say thank you. I can't wear it even though I know he tried so hard," she said, embarrassed by her own pettiness.

Such scenes are reminiscent of Carrie's reaction when Mr. Big presented her with a kitschy Judith Leiber clutch on Sex and the City.

These men can't win.

What civilians (non-fashionistas) don't understand is that fashion is a precision sport, a game in which close is as bad as wrong, explains Suzanne Timmins, fashion director at The Bay.

Timmins says men have a lot to learn.

"It's insanity, particularly for men who won't ask for help. It's a psychological defect. It's like the cliché about men who won't ask for directions," she says. "Most men think fashion is frivolous. They are declaring, `I can do this, too. I have taste.'"

Toronto psychotherapist David Schatzky agrees.

He pities the fool who falls for a fashionista. "The problem is these women see fashion as a hallmark of their whole identity." This cannot be taken lightly, he says.

Mostly, these women feel it is presumptuous of a partner to participate in a game he is not good at, explains Schatzky.

There's more going on here than just a poorly chosen article of clothing, he says. "These disappointed women are saying, `We spend all this time together and this unwelcome gift reinforces that you don't really know me.'"

It is an ugly situation and no one wins.

Admonished often enough, men recoil from the whole shopping experience.

And all this post-Christmas angst places the fashionista in a tailspin. Wear it? Ignore it? Return it?

"If she's a nice girl, she'll wear it, no matter how uncomfortable she feels. But if she hides it in the back of her closet or takes it back to the store, she's a bad person," says Timmins.

She advises men to infiltrate the posse. It's their only hope. "They've got to align themselves with the women who know her best," she says.

Shopping for a fashionista is difficult. Fashion is a moving target. It's a tough buy when what's right one Christmas is dead wrong the next.

"That's what women do," says Timmins, at the risk of sounding sexist. "If I had to buy a golf club for a man, I'd talk to his friends. I'd ask a pro. I'd ask for directions."

Timmins says both parties can learn something here. And they've got another year to get it right.

Men, she implores, "get a map."

And women, the next time you open a present from your lover, smile and don't say, "cheese."