Ever wanted to see how you’d survive an apocalypse? Ever wanted to whack a cannibal’s head with a stone only to die from eating the wrong colour of berry? Or to furiously horde shoes while slowly dying of cholera? Of course you have!

NEO Scavenger. The most simple yet infuriating game in existence. Forget Dark Souls 2 or Rainbow Road – you haven’t been truly angry at a pixelated character until you die from hypothermia in the middle of an apocalyptic wasteland dragging a sled-full of plastic bottles and pieces of string. And yet, it is best Indie RPG game I have ever bought.

You start fresh out of a cyrogenic sleep and am plunged face first into a very unique hell. As minutes pass in this turn-based strategy game, you watch as the hunger, sleep and hydration bars plummet in sync with any hopes of having a nice, relaxing entry into the game. But then…you’ll see mushrooms growing in a hexagon representing a forest. You’ll pray to every god in that pixelated sky, and stuff them down your throat. Perfect. Hunger and hydration bars refilled, time to set of in a random direction. Ten rounds down the line, as the sun sets and suddenly you cannot see the remains of the city you stand in. Settle down in an abandoned office. Furiously spam the ‘Sleep’ button, as your insomniac, wearing only a hospital gown and two left boots, refuses to follow the command. Eventually you get an hour…no two! New hope rises with the red-tinted map representing a sunrise. You let out a satisfied sigh as the screen fades to black and the game calmly reminds you of all your idiotic mistakes. Remember those mushrooms?

So you’ll start the game again. Can’t let this 40mb game beat your superior mind, which is so well-versed in the world of RPGs, can you? This time you’ll think you know better. Pick better skills. Make those vital choices between the fungi you choose to force feed yourself with. Shame that giant wolf-man mutation heard you scavenging through those houses…

Try and beat it away with a rock. Try to run away with two broken legs. Try to clean the scratches with a bottle of whiskey. Try to cover those gushing wounds with the remains of your destroyed t-shirt. Try to sleep of the wounds – time heals, right? Only you don’t wake up, and the screen will fade to the almost welcoming end-game screen. Death by internal bleeding this time, sweet!

You will try this again and again. One time you’ll get lucky. With a rifle, a backpack and twenty water bottles, your invincible! Except from perhaps the ONLY CAR IN THE ENTIRE GAME THAT JUST HAPPENS TO DRIVE INTO YOUR FIVE LAYERS OF T-SHIRTS. Black screen (maybe this time you survived for 50 in-game hours!), rinse and repeat.

It’s enthralling, terrifying, infuriating, and frequently exhilarating. And for some strange reason, you will keep coming back to it’s loveable impossibility.

Try the demo here:

http://bluebottlegames.com/main/node/21

And the full game (for more poisonous mushrooms!) on Steam:

http://store.steampowered.com/app/248860/

You’ll be hauling 20 shoes and 50 plastic bottles in no time! Good luck on your dying.

– The Independent Cloud