Ever written a letter to try to wriggle out of a parking ticket?



It may feel like the outcome depends on whether the council clerk who reads it has had his morning cup of coffee.



In fact, your fate lies in a handbook that contains all the criteria for deciding whether to waive traffic and parking tickets.



Auckland Transport was determined not to let you see the document, saying its release under the Official Information Act "would prejudice the efficient investigation of parking offences".



Funny that, considering it hoovered $16.2 million of fines from motorists' pockets during the past year'.



After a complaint to the Ombudsman, we were sent a copy of the document, with key parts blacked out.



After a second complaint, it finally sent the 70 pages of guidelines in all their glory.



With that in hand, we have put together the definitive guide on how to get your ticket torn up.



First, the basics. No matter what sort of rule you've broken, there are three exclusions that act as get-out-of-jail-free cards:



1. Medical emergency: If you roared along the bus lane because your wife was having contractions in the back seat, you're off the hook. If asked for evidence, threaten to show them the birth video and they'll scramble to let you off.



2. Stolen car: If hoodlums jacked up your ride, you can't be blamed for whatever mischief they get up to. All you need to be exonerated is a police report.



3. Breakdown: If your engine conks out while you're on the road, you can hardly help the fact that you've blocked the clearway.



Of course, most of the time these exclusions won't apply, which has got to be a good thing.



Here are 10 of the most common traffic offences, with specific instructions on how you can get yourself off the hook:



1. Expired WOF



Owning a crappy car combined with cashflow problems can sometimes make it tricky to get your warrant of fitness in a timely fashion.



Turns out that if you mention your WOF has been expired for less than four weeks, they'll waive the ticket. If you can prove that you were on your way to the garage when you got pinged, you'll also be excused.



2. Expired rego



No rego? No worries. It's the same story - if you're behind by less than four weeks, make a point of mentioning it and they'll waive the $200 fine.



You also get a one-time-only reprieve if you registered your car but weren't displaying the new label on your windscreen. The NZ Transport Agency is notoriously slow at posting the slips out, so this happens all the time.



And if you're unlucky enough to get ticketed while you're parked outside a Post Shop buying a new rego, ask to have it waived.



3. Parked in a special vehicle lane or clearway



If you sprint back to your car in the clearway at 4.02pm and a parking officer is already writing you a ticket, don't lose your head. There's a five-minute grace time for clearways and special vehicle lanes that has to be obeyed. Challenge the ticket, and they'll waive it.



4. Vehicle for display or sale



The time-honoured tradition of leaving your old dunger parked on the roadside with a "For Sale" sign scrawled on the window in Twink violates council bylaws.



If you're copped the $40 fine, no worries. They have to let you off if you can prove that it's being used for day-to-day travel, not just as a four-wheel billboard.



Also, ask for evidence. If the officer hasn't taken two photos and "comprehensive notes", they won't have a leg to stand on.



5. Expired pay-and-display receipt



If you paid for parking but the receipt fell off the dash or was otherwise obscured, just mail it in and they'll waive the fine "by way of warning".



If the parking machine wouldn't accept your payment, that's a valid excuse too. Tell them the exact machine location, and snap a photo of the error message if possible.



Finally, there's a 10-minute grace period in the central-city parking zones.



6. Incorrect number plate



If you get pinged because your number plate is obscured or attached in the wrong place, don't lose any sleep over the $200 fine.



All you have to do is provide proof that it's been reattached correctly within 10 days of the notice and you'll get off.



7. Damaged or smooth tyres



The same goes for bald tyres. You can use the $150 you would have spent paying the fine to get a new tyre, then send the receipt within seven days and they'll wipe it. If you can't get it done in time, ask to see some evidence. They'll waive it if "four clear photos" have not been attached by the warden.



8. Blocking a vehicle entrance



Although the law says you've got to park a metre away from driveways, if your boot isn't actually hanging over the kerb cutout, they let it go.



If you parked in a residential area and were pinged by a zealous parking officer rather than an annoyed neighbour, that's another valid reason.



The final way out is if you can prove that the vehicle entrance supposedly being blocked couldn't be used anyway.



9. Parked near a corner, bend, dip or rise



The document says, "If the obstruction is not clearly noted or photograph or diagram not provided, waive". In most of these situations, Auckland Transport relies on the fact that practically everyone will cave in and pay, rather than go through the hassle of court.



But the burden of proof is on them, which means you should always ask for evidence of your alleged wrongdoing. If they don't have any, they'll drop it.



10. Inconsiderate parking



The same applies to the somewhat ambiguous offence of "inconsiderate parking". The guidelines state: "Ensure there is clear evidence to support this infringement as it is typically difficult to prove in court."



This guide isn't about trying to get away with breaking the law but knowing your rights.



As the Ombudsman has said: "These factors form part of the law as it operates in practice and citizens are entitled to know of them in determining how they interact with the authority."



Where you have been unfairly ticketed, it's your moral duty to fight back against the bureaucrats.



That means writing a polite but firm letter explaining the circumstances, using any of the strategies outlined above.



Auckland Transport's coffers are already overflowing with your traffic infringement dollars. Let's keep the revenue-gathering to a bare minimum.



Traffic and parking fines collected in the year to June 30



* Auckland Transport (an Auckland Council organisation) - $16.2 million.



* Wellington City Council - $8.4m.



* Christchurch City Council - $4.4m.