So before the office closed for the holidays there were rumblings around Barstool HQ that everyone would be getting a little personalized gift. Specifically a windbreaker that said TEAM BARSTOOL on it and then had your name and employee #(the order in which you were hired) embroidered on it. For some reason though, the top brass decided to give these out after break. Not a big deal. Although kind of a big deal as I knew it would be the only gift I’d be getting for Christmas and it’s nice to put something under the tree to keep up appearances.

Fast forward to last night and I’m at Barstool HQ watching the National Championship before catching a flight back to China until the Summer. Just before leaving for the airport though, I spot a box near the intern table containing a bunch of merch bags(see picture above), each one containing an employee’s name and employee # on it. I assume these must be the holiday gifts we’d been promised and figured I should probably just take mine now to save the company the expense of FedExing me one overseas #CompanyGuy. I started ruffling through the bag and found such classics as Gaz at #2, Feitelberg clocking in at #5, Loud Sean sitting pretty at #17(I think) etc., etc. Everyone’s exact number is kinda fuzzy. After searching for a while I eventually find Francis at #45.

Hmm ok getting close, although Francis and I signed contracts on the same day I was told by Dave I could work at Barstool on my first day of Barstool Idol and Francis was told by Dave he could work here on the last day of Barstool Idol, so technically I was hired before him. Must mean I’m #44. I do a little more searching and find #44, and it’s not me, it’s Katie, a sales girl on the 2nd floor.

My heart starts racing as feelings of jealousy and anger surge through my veins. I’m about to lock myself in the bathroom and start punching the wall repeatedly. That is until one of the tech guys who’s also at the office watching the game offers me an #OakandGinger. Once that sweet nectar hits my lips my pulse dropped immediately and I began to asses the situation rationally. Hey #46 ain’t bad. It’s not about what order you get hired in but what you accomplish once you’re hired. And besides, Francis isn’t competitive at all and would happily let me take our jackets in to get the embroideries altered so I can resume my rightful place as the 45th person to be hired at Barstool.

I start ruffling through the box of merch bags again to find my incorrectly made #46 jacket. I go through every jacket bag and…nothing. No #46, no jacket labelled Donnie, no jacket labelled “The Wonton Don.” However, before despair could set in I noticed something. Something that could very well turn out to be the biggest scandal in Barstool sports history. I found Dave’s bag labelled #1. Nothing strange there, but then I find another bag with the name “Jake B” on it, ALSO LABELLED #1!!

I frantically ran around the office asking every employee still around, WHO IS JAKE B? DID YOU KNOW ABOUT JAKE B? Not a single employee had ever heard of someone named Jake B. Dave has always prided himself on building Barstool up brick by brick ON HIS OWN. It was El Presidente who bravely put food on his employee’s tables. It wasn’t Davey Pageviews and his trusty co-founder Jakey B flipping the media world on it’s head.

But maybe there was a Jake B. All the most successful companies in the world usually have a co-founder; someone who compliments the skill sets of the other founder. You really think Apple would have gotten to where it is today if it wasn’t for Steve Wozniak? Steve Jobs was the creative visionary who had a penchant for being a huge asshole(sound familiar). Wozniak was the technical guy, the nerdy programmer who actually knew how to turn Steve’s original vision into reality. Was Jack B Barstool’s Wozniak? And did Dave just “dispose” of him once Jake helped him turn the newspaper into a (semi)functional website? Would there be no such thing as “the barstool difference” if Jake B was still around handling all technical issues? (no offense to All Biz Pete). And maybe the most pressing question of all, did Dave purposely name his nephew “Max B” in honor of the legendary “Jake B” because he felt bad about doing his old co-founder dirty by kicking him to the curb while he went to to experience unprecedented success?

Then it dawned up me? Could I be “Jake B”? I’ve gone by many different names over the years and while I can’t remember a specific time I was called Jake B I can’t remember ever not being Jake B either. And besides, I still didn’t have a fucking jacket.

If anyone has an further information on Jake B or where my Barstool windbreaker is feel free to DM me. I own very few things capable of breaking the wind and the gusts in China can be quite strong this type of year. Thank You.