December 1st, 2010

Today was the first official visit with my probation officer. Right after clearing the metal detector and search, she instructed me to the bathroom for an immediate urine sample. We walked into the bathroom and she asked if I had been using anything; I was upfront, telling her that I smoked marijuana the night before. She rolled her eyes, sighed and told me to fill the cup to the blue line. When we got back into the ‘testing room’, she proceeded to ask me random questions and had me sign the rules of being under supervision while waiting for the drug test to process. After five minutes or so, the PO pulled the test results and informed me that I was positive for THC.. shocking. The results were followed up by her lecturing me on taking part in illegal activities and letting me know that this was my one and only warning; this warning consists of me being required to attend an outpatient drug rehab for the duration of my probation, which is 12 months. If I were to test positive one more time, she told me that my probation would be revoked and would recommend the maximum 18 months in jail to the judge. Once we reached her cubical area I had to write out an official statement explaining what I did last night and why I was partaking in illegal activities. My statement went something like this:

“Last night, November 30th 2010, I smoked some marijuana. I typically smoke every day in order to help control my esophageal

spasms versus taking the half dozen prescription medications (pain killers, muscle relaxers, anti-nausea pills) that are given to

try and keep my stomach episodes subdued. My stomach specialists are aware of my medicinal marijuana use and have no qualms with it since it has proven to be efficient in helping me control the painful side effects of this disease.”

Upon reading the statement, my probation officer scolded me for ‘wrongfully stating’ that my doctors support illegal use of marijuana; whether or not it’s for medicinal purposes, it’s still illegal and therefore not acceptable, period. I tried explaining to her that I didn’t like being on the medications prescribed for my condition and that they carry a high risk for addiction. She didn’t want to hear it and changed the direction of the conversation to me lying about my claimed medical condition because she’s never heard of it. Which led to her demanding that I get a formal letter from my specialists to validate my claims. Okay, that’s fair enough I suppose since a lot of people will say anything in an attempt to weasel their way out of trouble. Until my PO can trust me, I am now required to meet with her once a week.

Between the urine tests at the drug rehab and supervision meetings, it will be impossible for me to use my medicine even on an occasional basis throughout this upcoming year; leading me to perform what I’m going to call my Involuntary Experiment in Support of Medicinal Marijuana. Over the next year, in the form of a journal, I will be keeping track of my disease: how long it takes before my stomach episodes return to their old routine, how frequent they occur, their severity/duration, when I take any prescribed medications, the dosage and what effect they have on the stomach episode. When all is said and done at the end of my probation, I plan on handing in a copy of my involuntary experiment to the Medicinal Marijuana Committee in Madison, Wisconsin. I’m not saying that this is going to make a necessary change come about in our state, but I figure a detailed testimonial added to the mix of things can’t hurt any.

I smoked one bowl of the last of the marijuana I had around 8 o’clock tonight. Tomorrow marks day one of the experiment. I figure I have approximately 2-3 weeks before the stomach episodes begin firing up again, but I plan on writing a daily entry regardless of whether or not an episode occurred that day. My thoughts going into this? Honestly, I’m a little scared. It’s been almost three years since I’ve had to visit the emergency room for an episode, and I’m hoping that it does not get to that point again.

Those of you wondering what a spastic esophagus episode consists of, the people who go through these episodes experience a variety of symptoms and severity; therefore I can only speak on my behalf as I try to paint a picture of what my episodes can entail. When the esophagus begins to spasm there is a tight pinching sensation in my upper stomach, followed by a moderate nausea. For as long as I can remember, no matter the episodes duration, the pain comes in waves gradually getting worse the longer the episode lasts. As the pain increases, the pinching sensation becomes an intense, sharp, twisting pain that radiates from my upper stomach (right behind the bottom of and just below my sternum). This is usually paired with an intensifying nausea that can lead to vomiting. During a stomach episode, vomiting typically causes the pain to surge and become unbearable to the point where I am literally unable to move from whatever position I’m in until the pain subsides; though on rare occasions, vomiting can actually relieve the intensity of the pain and shorten the longevity of the episode. Once I begin throwing up, my body usually continues to do so until it is beyond exhausted. In the past, I have experienced up to ten hours of vomiting, and around the seventh or eighth hour I was puking up blood. If the stomach attacks become that severe, I have no choice but to go into the ER where they can control the nausea and pain intravenously as well as re-hydrate me. Using the pain scale (1-10), I consider mild episodes to range from 1-4, moderate episodes from 5-7 and severe episodes from 8-10. When the episodes are mild to the lower end of the moderate scale, I can continue my day fairly normal and most people cannot tell by looking at me that anything is wrong. A severe episode will have me doubled over and screaming in pain, sometimes needing to stuff a wet washcloth in my mouth in order to keep the noise as minimal as possible. With moderate to severe episodes, eating or drinking anything (i.e. taking any prescribed medications to try and subdue the attack) is absolutely out of the question as it will cause an immediate increase in pain and the likelihood of vomiting. As for mild episodes, it’s purely Russian Roulette as to whether or not my body will reject anything taken orally; most of the time, if in regards to me taking the medications, I’ll gamble with the chance that I might be able to stop the episode from getting worse. My esophageal spasms usually last, on average, a couple hours but can be over with as quick as ten minutes or terrorize me for as long as two weeks. After a moderate to severe attack my body is completely drained of energy and for the next 24 hours, I have to be extremely careful when eating or drinking anything due to the strong possibility of triggering another episode. Some other symptoms that can occur during an episode are perfuse sweating with chills, diarrhea, and migraines.

Thanks to the ignorance of our government and people in general, this is what I get to look forward to over the next year for being found guilty in possession of 0.3 grams of marijuana. One hell of an inhumane punishment if you ask me.

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