AFTER two consecutive generations of family tragedy, Lewis Brown first reached out with an emotional Instagram post. It was not enough.

Now, as rugby league comes to grips with the passing of Chad Robinson, Brown has revealed how the suicide of his estranged father Bevan late last year prompted him to make several significant changes to his life and take up the fight against depression, personally and now publicly.

For the illness has not just claimed his dad but also his grandfather.

“Just before the Four Nations final my sister (Mandessa) found out my old man had died. He actually killed himself. She found out before the final and didn’t tell me until straight after (the game) which I’m thankful for,” Brown told foxsports.com.au.

Round 19

“It’s changed my head space a bit. I hadn’t talked to my old man in eight years so it’s been hard.

“I’m glad to be back at training and in a good head space. I’m real happy. I’m still grieving.

Manly star Lewis Brown has shared his personal story. Source: News Corp Australia

“Suicide is a hard thing. You have so many questions, especially when I haven’t talked to my old man in eight years.

“2016 was one of the hardest years on and off the field for me. I want to get back to being happy. That’s when I play my best footy.”

Raised by single mother Trish, Brown had limited contact with his father while growing up in Christchurch.

The time they spent together gradually diminished as he grew older.

After landing a scholarship with the Roosters as a teenager, Brown moved to Sydney and they completely lost touch.

It wasn’t until a chance meeting with a man recently released from prison who had reunited with his son while Brown was playing Jersey Flegg that the former Warrior and Panther decided to reach out to his father.

They spoke. Brown travelled to New Zealand to visit him and again they drifted.

It was during this time he learnt of his father’s struggled with the black dog.

“A lot of the stuff I’m feeling at the moment is guilt,” he revealed.

“I found out that my dad’s dad (also) committed suicide.

“I’ve drawn a line in the sand and started speaking to someone.

“My mum pulled me aside and said ‘you’re in a position where you can really help someone’.

“I only had one photo of me with my old man. I put it up on Instagram with a message. I thought if I can help one person turn their life around or reach out, I’m willing to do that.

Lewis Brown in action for Manly. Source: News Corp Australia

“I’m 30 now and since I was five I had a lot of feelings about my dad that I wanted to tell him but I put them on the back burner because I thought one day I’d get to the point where I’d eventually tell him. Unfortunately time ran out for me. I’m sure this will make me stronger as a person and rugby league player.”

During the Christmas break, Brown spent time with several Kiwi teens caught up in gang life in a bid to steer them in the right direction.

He said the shock loss of his father has given him the courage to make several key changes in his personal life — including working through his issues with a professional, which has already had positive impacts.

He said he had been struck by apparent similarities between himself and Robinson.

“I’m gutted and thankful that it’s taken something extreme like this for me to go ‘hold up’,” he said.

“I’m the type of dude where I hold everything in and I don’t want to be a burden on people.

Lewis Brown on the attack. Source: News Corp Australia

“I was reading about Chad Robinson and he was similar.

“I’ve started talking to someone who is a professional and I don’t want to put it all in the back in my head and in 15 years’ time it all comes out. I want to break the cycle.

“It’s been a tough couple of months but this is the best head space I’ve been in a long time.”

And it’s not just mental health Brown has been working on.

With an incredible outlook on life, Brown has shifted his attention to bringing happiness back to his game.

Last pre-season he joined the Sea Eagles from Penrith but was limited in pre-season training due to a knee injury.

The injury affected his entire season to the point where he admits he lost the spark that made him a success in the NRL.

Lewis Brown winds up for Manly. Source: News Corp Australia

But after returning to training early, restless waiting at home to get back to work, the utility has reignited that flame and is primed for a massive season.

“When I’m at my best, I’m energetic and enthusiastic,” he explained.

“I probably haven’t got the best skills in the game but I’m energetic and if you look at me playing five different positions, I play them all the same. I run hard and tackle hard. I’m energetic and I probably lost that last year.

“I’ve got two years left at Manly but there’s kids coming through putting pressure on me. I’ve gone back to my old mindset. Just put your head down and work hard.

“I’m ahead of where I was last year. I played every game but felt like I was forever chasing my tail. I was pretty disappointed with my quality of game. I didn’t think I had a great season and I know the Manly fans weren’t too happy with me. I understand. That’s a bit of fuel on the fire for me.”

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