There are so many nooks and crannies in the White House to which he can spirit away his phone that his keepers can't possibly find them all. Let it fly, Mr. President*!

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This is the single greatest witch hunt of a politician in American history! — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 18, 2017

This guy was mentored by Roy Freaking Cohn. What an ingrate.

Let us talk this morning about personnel decisions. There never has been a White House that's been so bad at hiring people, and I include those presided over by Ulysses S. Grant and Warren Gamaliel Harding. We have to begin with Michael Flynn, who must know absolutely everything. He was made the National Security Adviser despite the fact that everybody in Washington except Alexander Ovechkin was firing off flares to warn the administration off. (This, by the way, is how the whole thing may also sink Mike Pence, since the vice president was head of the transition team in question. That may be a big part of The Story that his lawyer says Flynn has to tell.) Now, we learn that, not only was Flynn uncomfortably cozy with the Russians, he also was peddling foreign policy advice on behalf of Turkey, for whom he was an unregistered lobbyist.

There is no sign that they've learned anything from this debacle. Their most recent hires—and rumored hires—are the scrapings of a deep and foul barrel. Let's look at Curtis Ellis, who is rumored to be the top candidate for a diplomatic post within the Department of Labor. From The New York Daily News:

Curtis Ellis, a Trump adviser who has written for conservative website Breitbart and once accused Democrats of plotting the "liquidation of white, blue-collar working families," is on the Labor Department short list, according to Bloomberg News…Ellis, who claims to have filled a role as a campaign adviser to President Trump — although he was never listed officially as such — is already working with the Labor Department. He's on the "beachhead team" brought in by Trump, according Pro Publica…Ellis is best-known in right-wing circles as a World Net Daily contributor, a website that's written numerous "birther" stories questioning the validity of former President Barack Obama's U.S. birth certificate. He's argued in his writing that Obama and Hillary Clinton wanted to kill working-class Americans…"Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama want us to believe that the disappearance of American jobs in 'the new global economy' is as inevitable as the sun rising in the east. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, the radical left planned the liquidation of white, blue-collar working families in order to 'fundamentally transform' America," he wrote in 2016.

And, most spectacular of all, we have the news that the administration is considering giving a top job in the Department of Homeland Security to David Clarke, the high sheriff and keeper of the dungeons in Milwaukee. Not to put too fine a point on it, but Clarke is a complete nut. In his jail, a woman delivered a baby unattended and both of them died on a cell floor. Another inmate died of thirst. On the national scene, Clarke is renowned for saying really vicious and stupid stuff all the while dressing up like Jeff Goldblum's character from Buckaroo Banzai. Giving this guy a post anywhere within the national law-enforcement apparatus is tantamount to hiring a cannibal murderer as your sous-chef.

And, it appears, we yet might have Weepin' Joe Lieberman running the FBI. Good god, it's like a casting call at Castle Dracula.

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Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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