Film: RESERVOIR DOGS.

Director: Quentin Tarantino.

Screenplay: Quentin Tarantino.

Setting the Scene:

Eight men dressed in Black suits, sit around a table at a breakfast cafe. They are: MR. WHITE (Harvey Keitel), MR. PINK (Steve Buscemi), MR. BLONDE (Michael Madsen), MR. BLUE (Eddie Bunker), MR. ORANGE (Tim Roth), MR. BROWN (Quentin Tarantino), NICE GUY EDDIE (Chris Penn) and the big boss, JOE CABOT (Lawrence Tierney). Most are finished eating and are enjoying coffee and conversation. Joe had been flipping through a small address book that Mr. White took from him and Mr. Brown had just finished telling a long and involved story about the meaning behind Madonna’s song “Like a Virgin”…

[Everyone at the table is laughing as Joe stands up.]

JOE

Alright, I’ll take care of the check you guys can get the tip. Should be about a buck a piece.

(to Mr. White)

And you! When I come back I want my

book.

MR. WHITE

Sorry, it’s my book now.

JOE

Hey, I changed my mind. Shoot this piece of shit,

will ya?

[Mr. Blonde pretends to shoot Mr. White with his finger. Joe exits.]

NICE GUY EDDIE

Alright, everybody cough up some green for

the little lady.

[Everybody whips out a buck, and throws it on the table.

Everybody, that is, except Mr. Pink.]

NICE GUY EDDIE

C’mon, throw in a buck.

MR. PINK

Uh-uh. I don’t tip.

NICE GUY EDDIE

You don’t tip?

MR. PINK

No. I don’t believe in it.

NICE GUY EDDIE

You don’t believe in tipping?

MR. BLUE

Do you know what these chicks make? They make shit.

MR. PINK

Don’t give me that. She don’t

make enough money, she can quit.

NICE GUY EDDIE

I don’t even know a fuckin’ Jew who’d have

the balls to say that. So let’s

get this straight. You don’t ever

tip, huh?

MR. PINK

I don’t tip because society says I

have to. Alright, I mean I’ll tip if somebody really

deserves a tip. If they

really puts forth the effort, I’ll give them

something extra.

But this tipping automatically,

it’s… for the birds. As far

as I’m concerned, they’re just

doin their job.

MR. BLUE

Hey, this girl was nice.

MR. PINK

She was okay. She wasn’t

anything special.

MR. BLUE

What’s special, take ya

in the back and suck your dick?

[They all laugh.]

NICE GUY EDDIE

I’d go over twelve percent for

that.

MR. PINK

Look, I ordered coffee, right? Now we’ve

been here a long fuckin time, and

she’s only filled my cup three

times. I mean, when I order coffee, I

want it filled six times.

MR. BLONDE

Six times? Well, what if she’s too fuckin’ busy?

MR. PINK

The words “too fuckin busy” shouldn’t be

in a waitress’s vocabulary.

NICE GUY EDDIE

Excuse me, Mr. Pink, but the last fuckin’

thing you need is another cup of

coffee.

[They all laugh.]

MR. PINK

Jesus Christ! I mean, these ladies aren’t starvin to

death. They make minimum wage.

I used to work minimum wage, and when I did… I

wasn’t lucky enough to have a job

that society deemed tipworthy.

MR. BLUE

You don’t care they’re countin’ on your tips to live?

[Mr. Pink rubs his thumb and forefinger together.]

MR. PINK

Do you know what this is? It’s

the world’s smallest violin,

playing just for the waitresses.

MR. WHITE

You don’t have any idea what

you’re talking about. These

people bust their ass. This

is a hard job.

MR. PINK

So’s working at McDonald’s, but

you don’t feel the need to tip

them, do ya? Why not? They’re servin ya food, but no, society

says “Don’t tip these guys over here, but tip these guys over here”. That’s

bullshit.

MR. WHITE

Waitressing is the number one

occupation for female non-college

graduates in this country. It’s

the one job basically any woman

can get, and make a living on.

The reason is because of their tips.

MR. PINK

Fuck all that.

[They all laugh.]

MR.BROWN

Jesus Christ!

MR. PINK

Hey, I’m very sorry that the

government taxes their tips.

That’s fucked up. But that ain’t

my fault. It would appear that

waitresses are just one of the

many groups the government fucks

in the ass on a regular basis.

I mean, if you show me a piece of paper says the

government shouldn’t do that, I’ll

sign it. Put it to a vote, I’ll

vote for it. But what I won’t do

is play ball. And this non-

college bullshit you’re giving

me, I got two words for that:

“Learn to fuckin’ type.” Cause if

you’re expecting me to help out

with the rent, you’re in for a big

fuckin’ surprise.

[Mr. White flicks some food at Mr. Pink]

MR. ORANGE

He’s convinced me. Give me my

dollar back.

NICE GUY EDDIE

Hey! Leave the dollars there.

[Joe’s comes back to the table.]

JOE

Alright ramblers, let’s get

ramblin’. Wait a minute, who

didn’t throw in?

MR. ORANGE

Mr. Pink.

JOE

(to Mr. Orange)

Mr. Pink?

(to Mr. Pink)

Why not?

MR. ORANGE

He don’t tip.

JOE

(to Mr. Orange)

He don’t tip?

(to Mr. Pink)

What do you mean you don’t tip?

MR. ORANGE

He don’t believe in it.

JOE

(to Mr. Orange)

Shut up!

(to Mr. Pink)

What do you mean you don’t believe in it? C’mon you! Cough up a buck, ya cheap

bastard, I paid for your goddamn

breakfast.

MR. PINK

Alright, since you paid for the

breakfast, I’ll put in, but

normally I would never do this.

JOE

Never mind what you normally would do. Just cough in your goddamn

buck like everybody else.

(If you’d like to hear the dialogue played as you’re reading, skip to 3.56 on the video)

Mark Walker