It’s a sweet friendship born from sorrow.

And it began in October with a handwritten letter.

“Mr. Thomas,” wrote the grieving 9-year-old boy in Missouri to the grieving NFL player in California, “I know how you feel when your sister died. My dad died one month ago … I want you to know that you are not alone. So I will be there for you any time that you are sad.”

The 68-word letter ended with a question: “Want to be buddies?”

On Sunday, the third-grader who wrote the note, Tony Hood of Licking, Mo., met the man who became his pen pal, 49ers defensive tackle Solomon Thomas.

In January, Thomas’ older sister, Ella, 24, his only sibling and best friend, committed suicide. In August, Tony’s dad, Sgt. Mike Hood, 54, a police officer who was his hero, took his life.

This fall, after Thomas received Tony’s letter, the 49ers arranged for Tony and his family to attend the 49ers’ game against Seattle on Sunday. Two days later, Tony’s mom, Bethany Pope, was composed as she described their weekend during a phone interview. But she began to break down when detailing the moment when Thomas saw her children and embraced Tony, his sister, Athena, 18, and his brother, Nicky, 14, before kickoff.

“We were on the field and we saw Solomon,” said Bethany, who was Mike’s ex-wife. “I mean, it was nice for my kids to be with someone who absolutely knew what they were feeling. Because there’s such a terrible weight that accompanies this type of grief.”

Thomas terms Tony a force of “love and hope.” And he drew inspiration from seeing a close-knit family bravely enduring. Thomas and his parents went to dinner with Tony’s family after the game.

“They kept telling me I helped them,” Thomas said. “They talked about me writing Tony back and what the 49ers did to get them out here. But they have helped me more than they’ll ever know.”

Thomas’ relationship with Tony is not the type of connection Thomas anticipated when he and his parents, Chris and Martha, decided to speak publicly about suicide, a death often followed by silence because of survivors’ guilt and shame. Thomas’ platform unexpectedly has allowed him to bring comfort to strangers whose lives have been shattered, but he began with the goal of saving lives.

That mission brought Thomas to Monroe Middle School in San Jose on Tuesday morning for a mental-health awareness event in the school’s library. Thomas, five teammates and counselors from a Bay Area organization, Counseling and Support Services for Youth, met in four groups with 22 students, who were dealing with issues such as depression, anxiety and stress.

More Information Raising Awareness Solomon Thomas is auctioning off his game-worn cleats, with all proceeds benefiting the American Foundation For Suicide Prevention. To place a bid: https://nflauction.nfl.com/iSynApp/auctionDisplay.action?auctionId=2537944

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Thomas, wide receiver Dante Pettis, kicker Robbie Gould, practice-squad defensive end Ryan Delaire and running backs Alfred Morris and Raheem Mostert were active participants. A message to the students: Professional athletes shares their struggles.

“We talked a lot about how we deal with stress and anxiety,” Thomas said. “And let them know that everyone is going through something they don’t know about. It’s normal and it’s OK. And it’s OK to talk to someone and let that all out, everything you bottle up. There is help out there.”

The event began with icebreakers. At one point, students and players formed groups based on how many people were in their family.

Thomas, now an only child, raised four fingers in the air. He later explained.

“Just because Ella’s not here anymore,” he said, “doesn’t mean she’s not part of the family.”

Thomas’ desire to honor Ella and ensure her death becomes a life-giving tragedy has driven him to write and speak openly about her struggles and his pain.

This season, Thomas penned an essay for ESPN the Magazine. In October, Thomas and his family sat down for a video that aired on ESPN.

Within the first 10 seconds of the seven-minute video, Thomas, sitting down, is shown slumped over, sobbing, as he talks about his sister’s sadness. Later, he’s asked this: How are you doing?

“It really depends on the day. Some days, I see the light at the end of the tunnel,” he began. “Some days. …”

Thomas then buried his head in his hands. For the next 17 seconds, he’s shown crying, his shoulders heaving, his grief laid bare.

“That’s the reality,” Thomas’ dad said. “You can’t hide it. It impacts football players. It impacts the rich. The poor. Black. White. It’s everybody. To see that raw emotion, it’s like, ‘Oh, this is real. And it needs to be dealt with.’”

Thomas hasn’t dealt in platitudes when describing his pain. And his ESPN essay was what moved Tony to pen his letter in October.

Bethany came across the article on the internet. And she thought of her children as she read passages such as this: “I feel like someone out there is reading this right now who doesn’t know how they are going to be able to make it through the rest of their life without the person who has just taken their life. Trust me, I know that feeling. But I know it can be done, as painful as it is.”

Her children’s grief manifested itself in different ways, what Bethany describes as “three different roller coasters.” Tony felt alone. Nicky was angry. And Athena was also dealing with the horror of finding her father on the morning of his death.

“When I read Solomon’s essay to them, you could see this peace wash over them,” Bethany said. “And you could see where the words just connected with them. I don’t know exactly who Solomon intended it for. But I know when I read the words to my kids, it was somehow meant for us specifically.”

Bethany, a self-described “person of faith,” saw divine signs during their trip to the Bay Area. At Levi’s Stadium, which she noted is termed the “Home of the Faithful,” the song “Roam” played during pregame warm-ups. It is a 1989 hit by The B-52s, who were Mike Hood’s favorite group.

In the same vein, perhaps Thomas’ performance was no coincidence in the 26-23 overtime win over Seattle.

Thomas, the No. 3 pick in the 2017 draft who has four career sacks, has been the subject of intense scrutiny and much hand wringing this season. On Sunday, he had just two tackles, but made some of the most impactful plays of his career.

Thomas drew two holding penalties, one of which negated a 32-yard completion in overtime, and had a quarterback pressure that led to a sack by DeForest Buckner.

There is a sense Thomas could be ascending. And his recent stretch of improved play has coincided with the 49ers’ decision to play him primarily inside after shuffling him along the defensive line.

Thomas, who visits a therapist weekly, is improving off the field. He’s having more light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel days, although there remain times of deep sadness and anger.

“At the beginning of the year, (football) definitely wasn’t an escape for me,” Thomas said. “I was still struggling a lot with a lot of things. As I’ve progressed this year … it’s been more of a place I can just go and be in my Zen and kind of zone out everything.”

Tony’s letter has helped. The impact of the words from a grieving boy has reinforced Thomas’ belief that he can make a difference.

This week, the personal nature of the letter is why Bethany asked Tony if he was OK sharing it with a newspaper reporter.

After Tony initially said it was fine, it was quickly agreed he should check with Thomas.

After all, Tony isn’t alone in this. His buddy taught him that.

Eric Branch is a San Francisco Chronicle staff writer. Email: ebranch@sfchronicle.com Twitter: @Eric_Branch