Unsung Hero: Big girl on campus

Melissa Gruver is OK with me calling her fat.

Don’t panic. I received permission to do so. The idea popped into my head only after she repeatedly used the term to describe herself.

“I’m fat, and I’m also fat positive,” the 32-year-old said. “I’m comfortable with the amount of space I take up in the world.”

Gruver feels comfortable in her skin, even if she has rarely shaved her legs for two years. She is an unabashedly free feminist who hangs out at Bernadette’s Barbershop with her “girl gang,” enjoys making ’zines or protest pamphlets in her spare time, and inspires others to engage the community around them.

She is the antithesis of social conformity, laughing loud and without apology. She exemplifies equality and acceptance in her professional and personal life.

“I’m toying with this idea of liking myself however I show up,” she said. “It’s a really liberating feeling to be wearing a dress in a meeting and not even notice about yourself that your legs are hairy. ... It’s like resistance, somehow.”

Queen bee of networking

As the assistant dean of students for civic engagement and leadership development at Purdue University, Gruver connects students to local initiatives that help them address big issues, such as homelessness, food insecurity and sustainability.

Since she started two years ago, she has coordinated new initiatives, including a local homeless street outreach team, a campus food pantry and an initiative to train college women to run for student government.

Her hands are virtually in everything. She is a networking queen, buzzing with possibilities and connecting students to causes.

Gruver recruited Teneia Martin, a 21-year-old pharmacy student, to participate in the homeless outreach program.

“She is naturally gifted in networking,” Martin said.“She uses that to find and present new, unique opportunities to students for the purpose of bettering our community.”

Jim Hintz, director of Purdue Student Leadership Initiative, hired Gruver.

He said Gruver shares her knowledge, offers support and connects people to achieve a common goal.

“When hanging out with Mel, you will find yourself learning and being challenged to think differently without even realizing it at the time,” he said.

Related: Unsung Hero: Purdue student fights food insecurity

‘There’s no other way’

I remember the first time I met her. She came up to me after the Journal & Courier’s Chicago Myth forum last year, which examined racial perceptions and bias.

She said something along the lines of, “We should be friends.”

She had blue hair and a lot of energy, but it was her natural warmth and confidence that made me agree.

It was forward, but I later learned that openness and relationship-building is part of her personality. It is not part of mine. I have to work at it.

It’s something I admire in Gruver. Something you should admire, too.

It’s a type of strength that stems from being confident and owning her weaknesses. Out of that confidence, she is able to truly welcome you in a way that makes you feel like you’ve known her forever.

Vanessa Pacheco, who works under Gruver’s supervision, can attest to Gruver’s live-not-virtual social networking capability.

Pacheco recalled the first time she went downtown with Gruver to grab coffee.

She noticed that Gruver knew almost every person that they passed, and if she did not know a person, she made it a point to ask questions to become better acquainted, Pacheco said.

“That kind of thing has always scared me a little, to be honest — I tend to keep to myself a lot,” Pacheco admitted. “But I mentioned that to Mel and she said, ‘You have to get to know people if you want to do this work. There’s no other way.’ ”

‘I want to be big’

Gruver enjoys meaningful work, complicating things and helping students “see the world for as complex as it really is,” she said.

Part of that process involves challenging students to examine their identities — a skill at which Gruver is particularly adept.

“I’m a white-raced woman of size with an educational background,” she said.

Her size could be seen as a weakness, but Gruver has reclaimed her weight as a source of strength.

It is empowering. It is meaningful. It is moving.

One of her favorite rewards is seeing young college women “claim how powerful they are,” she said.

“The world tells women that we should be small, that we should not take up space and that we should be quiet,” she said. “As a fat woman, it seems like the only way that you can exist in the world is if you’re proving to people that you’re making yourself small.

“But right now, I just like want to be big.”

Get involved

Students: Want to know more about getting involved in the community? Visit purdue.edu/b-involved/civic-engagement-and-leadership-development/.

For more about Melissa Gruver, find her on Facebook.