Curiosity is not just putting a question mark a the end of a sentence any more than love is simply uttering the statement, “I love you.”

Curiosity is a state of mind. It’s something you feel. And it’s something you can measure by a person’s behavior as well, just like love.

However, just like love, curiosity can be feigned for the sole purpose of manipulating you.

The curiosity is bait to get you to enter into a win-lose interaction, wherein the purpose is not to explore your ideas, but to dismiss and nitpick them into oblivion as well as to condemn you if they are the type to do that.

In other words, when these types of people say, “I’m curious to know more. Care to summarize the thesis?” it’s a set up.

In these interactions, they are the prosecutor. You are guilty until you prove yourself innocent. In their minds, you’re already wrong and they hold a foregone conclusion.

So, no matter how well you answer a question, they simply move on to another question and another and another until you become frustrated.

Like the cliche example of passive aggression whereby somebody provokes you only to then mock you. “Whoa, what’s going on with you? Somebody’s cranky today.”

The goal to to frustrate you, make you feel impotent, and to deceive your heart so that you turn away from having conversations about the truth.

What I’ve learned from nearly 7 years of having conversations about philosophy with people is that usually I know in my gut at the very beginning how the conversation is going to go.

Now when I have a bad feeling, I take that wisdom seriously. I might answer a question or two, but if I get the sense things are wrong, I’ll say, “Here’s some places you can look for your answers that are far better resources than me. Take control of your learning.”

I mean, If a person wants to fish, I can show them where to fish, but I’m not going to fish for anyone. Life is short and my time is precious.

Genuinely curious people will have no problem doing further research on their own accord and will be grateful when you provide them excellent resources that they can delve into.

If the person is not grateful for the resources you’ve shared with them, or does not respect your preference to not engage, and instead insists that you explain things to them, then it’s likely that they are getting frustrated because you aren’t taking the bait.

This type of reaction to me is a very valuable piece of information, as it is a strong indicator that they were indeed attempting to set you up for a frustrating interaction.

After all, if the best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior and if the person is already being unpleasant and frustrating you, then you can be pretty confident that if you were to engage with them then they’d be even more frustrating.

So, always remember, your time is valuable. You don’t owe anyone a conversation or an explanation. If someone respects you, then they’ll respect how you decide to prioritize your time.

If someone is genuinely curious, they’ll be happy for the time you took to share resources with them and most importantly: you are your own proof.

If the interaction feels off, then that’s because something is off. Trust your gut. That is true freedom.