CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

In a weird turn of events, Scotty From Marketing is now listening to the advice of experts regarding an issue he knows nothing about, like some sort of filthy leftie.

This comes as this pesky coronavirus issue refuses to go away, a bit like the bushfires that he had to fly to Hawaii to stop hearing about.

However, in a shocked to his Sky News-brainwashed voter base and anti-intellectual Liberal Party allies, Scotty From Marketing has decided to take the advice of underfunded scientists on this one.

“We want to get as many of the brightest and smartest minds in Australia working on this task” said the Prime Minister, indicating that he will then listen to the scientists for advice on how to tackle this specific global emergency.

The Australian Government say it will provide $2 million for vaccine research, which equates to roughly four or five canteen upgrades for footy clubs in marginal electorates.

The money will be allocated through a grants system from the Medical Research Future Fund.

The death toll from a coronavirus outbreak in mainland China has risen to 0.00012% of their population, the country’s National Health Commission says, which is slightly less per capita than the 0.00013%% of Australians that were killed by bushfires this year.



However, luckily for Australia’s medical fraternity, finding a vaccine to coronavirus isn’t something that would directly hinder the profits of the multinational tax-evading mining companies that fill the Liberal Party coffers – meaning they can get to work immediately and can expect politicians to listen to what they come back with.

The fatality rate for these confirmed cases is 2.3 per cent — 2.8 per cent for males versus 1.7 per cent for females – which appears to be much more concerning than the 100% fatality rate faced by the distressed coral in the overheated waters of the Great Barrier Reef, or the 100% fatality rate of a koala living in crown land that hasn’t seen rain for three years during the hottest summer on record.