Cutting-edge, ‘supplemental science’ comes to Louisiana

Guest Post by Morbo

Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal has signed legislation allowing public school teachers to use “supplemental materials” in class when teaching about evolution. This is necessary, the new laws says, to promote “academic freedom.” After all, everyone knows evolution is “controversial.”

What will these “supplemental materials” be like? It’s hard to say because the law does not describe them. It does state, however, that these materials are not supposed to promote religion. This was thrown in as a sop to pinkos, rabble-rousers and other malcontents who actually believe the Constitution should be obeyed even in Louisiana.

Louisiana, of course, has a long history of being on the cutting edge of science. Weary of plain old evolution science, bold Louisiana lawmakers in 1981 decided to supplement it with “creation science.” A law required both to be taught side by side so that the kids could decide which was true.

Unfortunately, extremists on the Supreme Court who hate academic freedom struck down the law. Louisianans quickly regrouped. Some parishes began pasting stickers in science books, warning that evolution was discussed within. But courts looked with disfavor on this as well.

So now we go to round three and the new “supplemental materials” law. But many still wonder, what exactly are these sources?

Wonder no more.



It took a long time, but I was able to use my sources in Louisiana to get a list of them from the state Board of Education. I think you’ll agree the use of these “supplements” in the classroom will help Louisiana keeps its reputation as the most scientifically literate state in the nation:

1. DVDs of “Flintstones” reruns. Kids can learn a lot from these. For example, they show how humans and dinosaurs not only lived together back in the day but also demonstrate early man’s ability to harness the power of dinosaurs to improve his own life. Fred Flinstone’s job at the rock quarry is a good example. Dinosaurs there helped him lift and smash rocks for the betterment of all.

2. “Land of the Lost” episodes. Not everyone is comfortable using “Flintstones” reruns in class. Let’s face it, the closing theme songs does promise that “when you’re with the Flintstones…you’ll have a gay old time,” and Fred and Barney did seem awfully close in some episodes. For these folks, “Land of the Lost” is the perfect in-class supplement. This series teaches important science lessons. For example, did you know that you can use a giant log to swat dinosaurs and that there are many ways to outwit bizarre, bipedal lizard men?

3. The Special Book. The Special Book, which is not the Bible, is full of interesting old stories about the way people used to live a long time ago and this great friend they had in the sky who would help them. Although it’s most definitely not the Bible, you can learn a lot by reading the Special Book because it teaches a lot about science. The Special Book teaches us so much about every topic. But don’t think it’s the Bible! Because it most certainly is not. No, it’s not the Bible. No siree!

4. “Evolution, Schmevolution” by the staff of the Discovery Institute. This fascinating new tome by the wacky gang of Ph.D. actual SCIENTISTS who do real science at the scientifically oriented Discovery Institute, the nation’s leading think tank promoting good science, scientific literacy, academic freedom and science, sciency science, real cool science, he-man science, science and super-science, explains how 99.9 percent of the world’s biologists, paleontologists, anthropologists and geologists are wrong and how people were really designed by a Special Force, as fully explained in the Special Book — the book that is not the Bible, by the way.

5. Louisiana Special Science Bulletin 43.9-A, “Evolution: Not as Solid as You Think,” distributed by the Louisiana Department of Education and produced by Focus on the Family in conjunction with the Louisiana Pastors’ Council, the Southern Baptist Convention and the Federation of Independent, Fundamentalist, Non-Instrumental Churches of Jesus Christ in God the Holy Redeemer of the Blessed Holy Ghost (Non-Pentecostal) with input from the Pentecostal Assembly of the Holy Spirit-Thrice Blessed Redeeming Blood of the Most Precious Jesus. Comes with a special supplement for use in sex-education classes that has also been endorsed by Focus on the Family and Louisiana Citizens for Decency: “Supplemental Storks: New Findings Cast Doubt on Sperm-and-Egg Theory.” Both bulletins are totally scientific, having been casually proofread by a guy who, before he entered the ministry, considered majoring in biology at Bob Jones University.

I know it’s a short list, but it’s likely a lot more valuable material will be added once the law really gets into effect. It makes me jealous. I wish my children were learning cutting edge supplemental science instead of boring old regular science.