Many atheists who have left religion are angry.

They have good reason to be. There is often pressure from being in religion that too often ends in suicide, as is clear here and here, for example. Others have experienced various forms of religious trauma syndrome. Still others have PTSD symptoms that are perpetuated by religion, as this story notes:

Recently I was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Interestingly enough, the PTSD stems mainly from my religious experiences and only partially from my time in Iraq. I would like to share what I go through every day with my PTSD symptoms, because hopefully my story can help someone else who has similar troubles. I really want to connect with people who experienced similar traumas to talk more–I don’t seem to find too many people that can identify with me in the Army. So here is what I go through every day: I’m so sick of my symptoms today–anxiety, anger, panic, depression, hopelessness. Like death is around every corner. I was starting to feel positive earlier today, like there was a light at the end of the tunnel, but then I read more of John Loftus’ How I Became an Atheist this evening. I need to read that book because avoiding the topic has gotten me nowhere, but every time I read it all the negative feelings start coming back, like I am headed towards hell. I will try to dissect these feelings. On the one hand, I felt positive today. I’m starting to believe in myself and my own recovery. I feel more confident, like I really am worth something, which contrasts with the bible that tells me I am worthless without god.

A read through hundreds of deconversion stories discuss similar stories of deep pain and loss — if you don’t believe me, follow the link and read them for yourself.

Here’s the thing: many Christians, reading this, don’t believe that it’s a big deal. It is very important for Christianity to be sunshine and rainbows, for many, so the first response is that we just didn’t hear the right Christianity, or something similar. And they often act as if it’s the first time we’ve heard these things.

To many Christians, this discussion is healthy, often because of what their church says weekly, or advice from evangelists and apologists, or — most likely — because of what the Bible says. Or maybe it’s because we just haven’t read Mere Christianity by CS Lewis or The Case For Christ by Lee Strobel (newsflash — we’re probably more familiar with him than Christians are) or Reasonable Faith by William Lane Craig, or The New Evidence That Demands A Verdict by Josh McDowell or I Don’t Have Enough Faith To Be An Atheist by Norman Geisler and Frank Turek or The Reason for God by Timothy Keller. Believe me, atheists — especially those in more Christian areas — tend to be more familiar with these books than non-Christians, in my experience.

So when the response is anger from someone who religion — your religion of Christianity, to be specific — has hurt, the response is often indignance.

How dare we share the feelings of those unjustly hurt by religion.

How dare we show the pain religion inflicts on hearts, minds, and bodies.

How dare we have the honesty and the empathy to state that yes, we are angry.

How dare we find ways to laugh at the items of faith that once made us tremble, to show that there is nothing in them to fear.

The nerve.

It’s much like someone complaining about someone screaming “call an ambulance” in a theatre when someone beside them has a heart attack. This does not obligate you to scream, as well, but to focus on the fact that his screams are disturbing people in the theatre more than the fact that he is concerned about the heart attack, or to be critical of his tone or volume in the theatre — that says more about you than him.

In some situations it is possible to be a physician in regards to religion and other ideological stances — distanced, measured, calm, collected. The physician may yell less, especially if the operation after the man comes in goes successfully.

In some situations, an insistent, strong insistence is needed.

That’s what I want to communicate, and why I at times sound shrill — religion a source of vast amounts of unjust suffering, and at times I declare that insistently, or I try to become a voice for those it so cruelly hurts.

Also — I think a respect for experience is needed. If you are not living in a predominantly religious area (and don’t read much about how religion harms individuals in other parts of the world), it seems likely that you will not think that atheism is a big deal. Fine. That does not give you license to wag fingers to someone who is trapped in the Bible Belt — a completely different situation. Same with aspects of gender, race, and familial background. Atheism may be just about a lack of belief in God or gods, but it is also often manifested in the noises made when you strike up against religion. The more you, in your situation, come up against religion, and the more connected your past is to religion, the more pain you may experience regarding the subject. The more belligerant and insistent you may have to be to set up boundaries for yourself and others.

And this pain is not self-inflicted. Make no mistake — it comes from a religious environment, most of the time, that there are legitimate reasons to be angry with.

I think it is, in many situations, ignorantly arrogant to say that you know what someone else’s temperance should be in their lack of belief of God or gods. We obviously should not harm people, but I do think anger is, at times, an appropriate response in someone’s situation, when they want to make an idea clear. And I think, in other situations, my job is not to wag fingers at the person who is angry, but to interpret that anger in a way that will clarify to hearers where it is coming from and the reasons it may, at times, be justified.

That’s basically it. Don’t judge people too quickly who handle their atheism a bit more “stridently” than you do, especially if you don’t know their situation.

I am frequently fairly insistent, as I am an African American, which is an ethnicity that is strongly religious, I live in the South, I have deeply religious family members, and I know many people who have been deeply hurt by religion and others who are in the closet. I am in a position to speak up, so I often speak up strongly. I don’t insist that others do the same, but I think that strident speech is often appropriate.

If we’re angry, perhaps you can ask us why, and we can clarify it to you. I assure you, there are many legitimate reasons — it is rationally based anger. And in more nonreligious countries, the louder insistence may not be necessary — just as, if people are paying attention and calling the ambulance, you don’t have to shout as much. But you don’t need to go far in those deconversion stories to see that, in many places, the louder voices seem to be appropriate for the situation discussed — especially among those on whom religious forces have inflicted the most pain.

I’d like to continue trying to represent them.

Thanks for reading.