WASHINGTON—Explaining how this was the third error he’s caught since opening up the morning edition, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos reportedly reamed out the Washington Post editors Monday after catching another copy-editing mistake. “I’m only three sentences into this article about stock futures in Africa, and there’s already a misplaced comma and a subject–verb agreement error,” said Bezos, adding that he didn’t spend $250 million to buy the publication only to have their writers make “a bunch of bullshit rookie mistakes.” “Is this some kind of rinky-dink operation? In this first sentence, the word ‘the’ appears twice in a row. You’re telling me that three reporters worked on this garbage article and not one of the useless fuckups could correctly use a semicolon? Jesus Christ, people. You’re making me look like a goddamn fool in front of everyone—seriously, what is this, USA Today?” At press time, an angry Bezos decided to just replace the paper’s editorial staff with an algorithm.




