Waking the next morning, Danny was up before Mary Ellen. He shuffled down to the kitchen and started coffee. He looked in the oven and saw the ham Sarah had put on before church so it would be nice and warm for Easter dinner. It was everything he had in him to even take it out of the oven. Everything in the house reminded him of her. Each and every utensil, dish, rag, chair, everything in the house had been a joint decision. They decorated the entire house together, so no matter where he looked, he saw her. Mary Ellen finally came down to the kitchen and sat at the table without saying a word. Danny was so lost in his thoughts he hadn’t even heard her come down. He was slightly startled when he turned around and saw her sitting there.

“Good morning, baby. Would you like something to eat?”

She just shook her head without speaking. He went and sat down next to her. “Honey, if you want to talk, please talk to me. I’m here for you.”

She burst into tears, “I couldn’t stop dreaming about Mommy last night, Daddy. She’s not gone! She’s still here, I saw her!”

Danny hugged her tight. “No, baby, I’m sorry, Mommy’s… she’s gone, baby. She isn’t coming back. I know it hurts, but I love you, and I’ll never stop loving you.”

“You’re not going to die, are you Daddy?”

He was stunned, but he figured now wasn’t the time to be forward. “No, baby, I’ll be here for you until the end of time. Until we’re both in Heaven with Jesus.”

“And Mommy?”

This question smacked him like an errant foul ball at a little league game. He choked back tears.

“Yes, baby, and Mommy. Now, what do you want to eat? I’ll make you anything you want.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“You have to eat, we have a lot to do today and you’ll need your energy.”

“I said, I’m not hungry!”

This was one of the first times Mary Ellen had ever used an indignant tone towards her father, and he really had no idea how to react. It was, frankly, quite a surprise.

“Mary Ellen, you HAVE to eat. If you don’t eat anything, I’ll…”

“You’ll what? Send me to my room?”

He was once again shocked at her insubordination. “I know it’s going to be a rough day, but please don’t make it harder than it needs to be. We’re both hurting, and I know this. Being short with me isn’t going to make things any different. I’ve had enough of your attitude, now EAT. And not a word until it’s done.” In the midst of the argument, he had made her a bowl of cereal. “I even put your favorite spoon in it, see? Now please eat, and don’t be ugly. Your mother would not appreciate this attitude.”

“Mommy is dead, she can’t appreciate anything.”

Danny was done arguing. “Go to your room.” Mary Ellen stood up sharply and knocked her bowl off the table, spilling milk and cereal all over the kitchen floor as she huffed out of the kitchen. Danny exhaled sharply, knowing he couldn’t rightly punish her with all they were both going through, and went for a towel to clean up the mess.

Mary Ellen sat in her room, crying. She was completely and utterly lost, and couldn’t make sense of anything. She sat, staring at the wall in her room for the longest time. She stared at the mural she and her mother had painted together just last summer. The tree that covered the entire wall, the mama duck and baby ducks, the fish in the water, all she saw was her mother. Every inconsistency, all the paint outside the lines, it didn’t make a difference to her then, they were having a blast, and now she was gone. Gone forever. Young Mary Ellen couldn’t get that thought out of her head. She would never see her mother again. She wasn’t coming back. She went to be with Jesus. She knew she should be happy her mother was with Jesus, but that didn’t make sense to her. She was sad, very, sad, more than a girl her age should ever have to be. She knew when she went back to school, she would hear from all the kids, “Sorry your mom died.” “Hey, I’m here if you need me.” “It was God’s plan for her to come home.” She knew it was all nonsense, there’s no way God planned on her mother’s body, slammed around and broken into several pieces from a drunk driver, then, as she sat there, void of life, set ablaze by a nearly biblical fireball. Was that God’s will? Is that REALLY what God wanted for me? To live my entire life with the image of my mother’s molten corpse, covered in metal pieces, the back of her head melted to the headrest?

“MARY ELLEN!” Danny bellowed from downstairs. She ignored his call. “Mary! Come down here, please!” There was no way in hell she was coming downstairs without a fight. She felt the undying need to be selfish, and no one was going to take that from her. She was determined to stay in her room for the rest of her life, and her father would have to drag her kicking and screaming to get her away from that mural. She could hear him coming up the stairs, yet she didn’t move an inch.

“Mary Ellen…”

He stopped as he opened her door and saw her gaze unbreaking from the mural. He walked towards her slowly, and sat down next to her without saying a word. FInally he broke the silence.

“You wanna talk about it?”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Honey, please don’t bottle this up. I know this isn’t easy for you, it’s not easy for me, either, but please, baby, let’s talk about these feelings you’re having.”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it.”

Danny sighed heavily. “OK, well, I’m here if you do. We have to leave, though. I have things to run and you can’t stay by yourself.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“This is not up for discussion. Get dressed.”

Mary Ellen crossed her arms indignantly and refused to budge. Danny stared at her, thinking of what to do. He finally walked downstairs and called his neighbor, who agreed to come over and watch Mary Ellen while he made arrangements for his wife’s funeral. Mrs. Brady was an old widowed woman. Danny would go to her house on Sunday afternoons and have a Bible study with her, since her health wouldn’t let her go farther than the front walk, usually. She loved Mary Ellen just like a granddaughter, though. Danny walked over to her house to assist her and met her at the front door.

“Hey, Mrs. Brady, thanks for watching Mary Ellen on such short notice.”

“Don’t mention it, honey. It’s no trouble at all. I understand what you’re going through, and I just want to help any way I can.”

“Thanks, it shouldn’t be more than a couple hours. She’s holed up in her room and refusing to talk to anyone, present company included.”

“It’s understandable, she’s been through quite the traumatic experience.”

They both walked back to Danny’s house, and sat down in the kitchen. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“Take your time, son. This isn’t going to be easy, and you need to take all the time you can. I ain’t goin’ anywhere anytime soon, so you take all the time you need.”

Danny smiled warmly. “Thank you, Mrs. Brady.”

“My pleasure.” she said and smiled back.

After Danny left, Mrs. Brady was sitting at the table, reading her Bible. When Mary Ellen finally came downstairs. “Well, there you are!”

Mary Ellen muttered under her breath, “I’m only here for a soda.”

“How are you doing, sweetheart?”

“How do you think I’m doing?”

Mrs. Brady understood her pain, but she knew she wanted to talk to her about what happened, as fresh as it might be.

“Mary Ellen… I’ve known you your whole life. Your mother was a wonderful lady, and I’m very sorry about what happened.”

“Cram it. I don’t want to talk.”

Mrs. Brady was flabbergasted at her insubordination, but she couldn’t rightly reprimand her in her current situation, and she took it with a grain of salt. “Well, at least she’s with Jesus now.”

Mary Ellen stopped dead in her tracks and stared right at Mrs. Brady. “With Jesus? You think this was all part of God’s plan?”

“Well, of course. Everything is part of God’s plan, honey.”

“So, God planned on killing my mother. That’s what you’re telling me.”

Mrs. Brady was blindsided by her observation. “Well, what I mean is…”

“What you mean is, that God took my mother from me, for apparently no good reason. I don’t have a mother now. God thinks that’s an alright thing to do?”

“Well, honey, we can’t begin to understand…”

“Like I said, cram it. If this is God’s idea of a plan, then I want no fucking part.”

“Mary Ellen! Where did you learn such language?”

“Too much TV.” she said sarcastically, and left before Mrs. Brady could collect her wits.

Mrs. Brady sat at the table, troubled that a girl Mary Ellen’s age would know such a foul word, and where she might have learned something like that. She knew neither Danny nor Sarah would ever speak like that, so she must have picked it up from some television program, or on the internet. She pondered what to do, whether she should tell Danny or just write it off considering the situation she was in and what must possibly be going on in her head. She went back to reading her Bible, and waited for Danny to get home.