Samir Nasri. Remember him? The former Arsenal player who signed from Marseille, who didn’t do much for a couple of seasons? Come on…try harder. Had a very decent five months at the tail end of 2010, disappeared off the radar again when things got tough. No? Had his head turned by money-talk and fucked off to Manchester City to join some other mercenaries. You know the guy. Looks like a chinless Edith Piaf? Ah…there you go…

I don’t blame you for struggling to recall his ugly little face, it’s easy to forget him since he left the Emirates, as he’s pretty much given up playing football. Thankfully for young Samir it’s just as well he’s stopped all the exercise and ball games because it turns out counting money on a subs bench in Manchester actually improves you as a footballer. Who knew?

Speaking in an interview broadcast on French channel Canal Plus, Nasri has complained that his whopping 28 Premier League starts for Arsenal last season represented ‘too much’ before making clear that being a fluffer for David Silva had improved him as a player.

“We are a $quad of 24, 25 professional$, we are all international$,” he began, neglecting to mention his nation wanted nothing to do with him at the last World Cup.

“Everyone ha$ to get some playing time. Now we only have the league left to play for maybe there will be a regular $tarting eleven.

“I keep on hearing to the left and to the right that I’m not a regular $tarter at Manche$ter City. But I’m playing a lot of game$. At Arsenal I played too much. I got injured quite a few time$ becau$e I was dead.

Dead? Dead? Excuse me while I retch a little…

“I have $cored fewer goal$ than when I wa$ at Arsenal, but I don’t have the $ame role,” he continued, presumably paying lip service to the strenuous task of being a player on the pitch.

“I have to make more effort defen$ively and I am further away from the goal. I have improved.”

You have to wonder how playing fewer games, having less of an influence, looking outright mediocre and having your own manager publicly state you could do more for the team represents an improvement.

“When I joined, I expected to win title$, to fight at the top. I’m fighting for the title of English champion.

“Per$onally I wanted to improve and I think I have improved, e$pecially mentally.”

I think we can all agree that yes, Samir you are indeed improving in the mental stakes.

“For a fir$t $ea$on, I can do better,” he concluded, stating the fucking obvious.

Arseblog News recognises that the most mature course of action would be to not pay any attention to Nasri or his lamentations on the traumas of earning millions of pounds in North London. However, we’re not in the mood to be the bigger man.

From moaning about the atmosphere at the Emirates, to complaining about Arsenal’s perceived inability to win ugly, he’s just been unable to keep his trap shut since moving to the Etihad.

Fuck him and his constant whining. City are welcome to him and his avaricious ways.

(Big thanks to French football specialist @MattSpiro for transcribing the quotes from the original television interview. If you’re not following him on Twitter, you really should.)