ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A troubling new trend is sweeping the licensed premises around Betoota’s Financial District according to many local publicans, who say that the young men who frequent them are only capable of talking about cryptocurrencies at the moment – and nothing else.

Dennis Coolidge has owned the Dolphin & Squid Hotel opposite the Betoota Stock Exchange for close to a generation and he confided in The Advocate that he only ever hears conversations regarding the online pseudo currencies at his bar now.

Stating categorically for the record that he doesn’t mind what his patrons talk about, it’s just that he’d noticed this trend more than previous ones.

“I mean, it’s all they fucking talk about, mate,” he said.

“From one end of the bar to the other, it’s Bitcoin this, Bitcoin that. Every conversation I overhear is about these computer coins and how they trade them,”

“I even got a Coinbase account myself, but I still can’t make any sense of it. Not that I care, it’s just weird that these young suitcucks are only able to speak about one thing now.”

Echoing Mr Coolidge’s sentiments was a local young professional, who was able to confirm to The Advocate that he is only able to speak about cryptocurrencies at the moment.

Banker-turned-mixed-touch-scrum-half, Sam Pontsford, said that his lust or the online trading market was started after a friend invited him into a WhatsApp group where they discussed topics aligned with trading cryptocurrencies.

Since that last in May, he’s never looked back.

“So yeah, now’s a good time to buy Ethereum,” said the 28-year-old.

“But don’t worry about all that scaremongering coming out of China, don’t worry about that,”

“That’s just JP Morgan shorting the market, it’ll recover just you wait.”

Pontsford said all of that without being prompted by our reporters, who originally asked Sam about the Cowboys finals hopes.

“I can’t talk about that right now. Litecoin is the new Bitcoin. Load up now. I’m actually thinking about making my own cryptocurrency, call it the Betootanese Peso or something. Shit’d be cash.”

More to come.