Gun Control Philosophy Run Amok: College Seeks To BAN Nerf Guns

Missouri State University is actually weighing a campus wide ban on Nerf guns. They wouldn’t be the first though as Colorado University passed a ban back in 2009 saying that Nerf toys violated the weapons policy and having one would lead to your arrest and treatment as an armed gunman.

The matter in Missouri came up during the week long student game of “Humans vs Zombies”.

If you are unfamiliar with this game it is basically as it sounds. Though it may change slightly in rules depending on where it is played, I’ll explain the gist of it. You start out with two teams, Humans and Zombies though the zombie team is few and the Humans outnumber them greatly.

Each team where’s a headband or armband that can distinguish them from a non player and from the other team. The band is worn around the arm for a Human and the head for a zombie.

Zombies stagger around campus wearing their headband and when they see someone wearing a human armband they “attack”; by attack i mean they touch the human and say gotcha. It’s a big game of tag really. When a human gets “bit” they change their armband to a headband so now THEY are zombies too. The game goes on for a week and if any Humans are alive they win, if they were all changed then Zombies win.

It’s an interesting game because if you are a Human you are all about team Human and may have built strategies and secrets with other team members, but once you turn you are full on team Zombie and need to now turn all your former teammates in order to win.

Of course there are some sub-rules like no playing in classes and such so as to not disrupt the academics of the school. At MSU playing inside is forbidden.

But outside of classes, dorm rooms, eateries etc it’s a giant game of tag.

How do Human’s repel Zombies? At Missouri State University though, you use Nerf Guns to shoot Zombies at a distance or a rolled up sock if they get close or you run out of ammo. Zombie’s don’t “die” but they are prevented from turning you for a set amount of time and it allows you to escape.

Playing with Nerf guns add a few dimensions like running out of ammo which is a fun twist. Plus, there is a bunch of whining and disagreement with the “who touched first” when you get to hand to hand combat. And it would be exciting to try and fed off a zombie horde needing to make your Nerf shots count while they dwindle down.

Unfortunately some cowardly hoplophobes, who wet their pants at umbrellas and cell phones and anything else that their irrational minds makes out to be firearms, have started to ruin the fun.

Don Clark, director of the university’s Department of Safety and Transportation said, “The Nerf Guns can sometimes look like real weapons”.

No Don, they can’t.

Chad Holmes, faculty adviser for Live Action Society, an organization that organizes the game, said participants are required to sign safety waivers and are not allowed to paint Nerf guns, which are usually orange or lime green, to make them look like real guns.

Now, SHAME ON YOU if you have such an irrational fear of guns that you feel it necessary to call the police to report this:

But there are people who are calling and as Don Clark states: “When we get that call, we have to make the initial assessment that it might be a real gun.”

The problem isn’t with the Nerf guns or the students who play the game, the problem is with the aforementioned hoplophobes who freak out at the very notion that someone can have fun with a toy gun and want to be grinches. Or maybe they are so blinded by their bigotry and fear that they actually think the brightly colored orange and lime green toys are real. At that point it is the campus police’s fault for not asking a followup question such as, “Are you sure the neon yellow and green GATLING gun that is being wielded one handed by a 105 lb 18 year old girl is real?”

If we take a step back and try and look logically at the gun haters bigotry, how is it any different than some old bitty who calls up the police and says there is a black man at the mall. Do the police just come with a SWAT team to investigate because this old bitty is frightened by a black guy in the mall or do they ask her some questions like this:

What is he doing? He’s walking around with bags in his hand What kind of bags? One says Sears, one says GameStop and the last says Banana Republic. Ma’am, is this man just shopping? It doesn’t matter I’m scared and it’s his fault and you need to do something.

The above scenario is basically what is going on at Missouri State University. But instead of acting rationally, people like Don Clark want to give the ole knee jerk a try and say “a BAN is needed”.

In fact, NOTHING is needed save for a little common sense by the campus police and a little education for the hoplophobes who are fudging their pants over this:

Yeah…reeeeeeal scary. Let’s pump the breaks on killing fun shall we.

I mean it is bad enough that some gun hating school administrators are tyring to ruin the lives of six and 8 year old children for making a finger gun or pantomiming a bow and arrow, do colleges really need to follow that example and continue to try and stamp out fun for the sake of political correctness and the delicate irrationality of gun haters?

The Live Action Society is taking the controversy in stride and is not going to fold under the pressure to kill fun. They have all ready scheduled another Human vs Zombie game for the spring and are expecting around 1000 participants.

“We might actually come out of it with some solid precedence of protection for Nerf guns. That’s my hope,” Holmes said.

I wish the LAS good luck in fighting against the tyranny of irrationality and happy hunting in the spring.

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