It probably won’t happen, but wouldn’t you love to see Bernie vs. The Donald in prime time on live TV in LaLaLand hours before the California polls open?

Mano a mano, those two wacky sons of the outer boroughs, for all the marbles, as Hillary watches somewhere on a split screen, losing hers — her marbles, I mean.

It must really suck to be Hillary Clinton these days. Even Andrea Mitchell can barely bring herself to carry your water, George Stephanopoulos is speechless in his mortification, Mika no longer even tries to put a shine on the ex-first lady’s sneaker.

You go on the cable shows by phone, a la Trump, except you’re wracked by that mysterious hacking cough you can’t seem to shake. Yesterday you had to fend off one snickering question after another about the “debate,” like you were a pitiful, helpless Nurse Ratched, no longer able to cow the Randle McMurphys in the Democrat ward with the prospect of a prefrontal Arkanacide lobotomy.

It’s one thing for Bernie to disrespect Debbie Wasserman Schultz, but now he’s laughing at you, Hillary.

This debate gag started out as a trial balloon, a joke floated out by Bernie via — wouldn’t you just know it — Jimmy Kimmel, the one late-night network host least likely to genuflect in your royal presence. Stephen Colbert never would have dared commit such lese majeste, such blasphemy! He knows his place in the firmament of smarm. On bended knee, like Letterman.

And then Kimmel tosses it to Trump underhand, slow-pitch, and The Donald tentatively says yeah. But then he backs off, sleeps on it and finally tiptoes back to the idea, but only if the debate can be used as a charitable fundraiser to make $10 million or so for … “women’s health issues.”

Women’s health issues! Another slap at Bill. Why didn’t Trump just mention rape-crisis centers while he was at it? Trump rode the elevator down in Trump Tower almost 11 months ago, and has he ever picked a fight yet that he wasn’t sure of winning? That’s why he was still hedging his bets last night. But really, what’s the downside for him? The Democrats aren’t going to give it to Bernie under any circumstances, no matter how much he wins California by, so Trump can just use it to dust up Hillary for the fall.

And by the way, if the debate does somehow start coming together against all the odds, how can Hillary not elbow her way in?

Be there or be square, that would be the quandary for Hillary. Square, or even squarer than she already is. Of course she’d be the ultimate third wheel. She’s terrible on her feet, less an ad-libber than an ad-fibber. Everything she says just proves the old line from Sir Walter Scott:

“Oh what a tangled web we weave / when first we practice to deceive.”

Meanwhile, Trump will just be doing more of that “Bernie-we’re-just-two-peas-in-a-pod” routine he started working on in Bismarck yesterday: “Honestly, his system’s rigged just like our system’s rigged … ”

Another revoltin’ development for Hillary. Once again, it would take a heart of stone not to laugh.

Listen to Howie 3-7 p.m. today on WRKO AM 680.