So, I was telling one of my friends about an attractive guy I had spotted in a café. Good looking to the point I had literally stopped typing on my laptop and taken a moment to watch him order his coffee. Outwardly I was discrete in my observation, though internally I was reminiscent of a Tex Avery wolf cartoon; whistling loudly, eyes bulging, heart palpitating right out of my chest. You get the idea. Anyhow, I was going on about him when my friend interrupted my ramblings with a simple question, “Why didn’t you go over and talk to him?”

Easier said than done.

It is not that I lack confidence, I am moderately confident. As a matter of fact on that particular afternoon I was having an amazing hair day, and the wings of my eyeliner were perfectly even, so aesthetically things were working in my favour. Even my weekly horoscope had been encouraging. I was actually on the cusp of picking up my jaw from the table and approaching the head turner, but he left the café before I had a chance to speak to him.

Like any other woman who is considering making the first move and hoping the object of her potential affection is straight and available, I run through the regular self doubt questions. What if he does not find me pretty? Am I thin enough? What if I come on too strong?

But the reigning, ultimate question that always comes up in my mind is, “Does he date black girls?”

Sure he might find Halle Berry hot, and let’s face it, who doesn’t. Maybe he sits up a little straighter when Zoe Saldana appears on the screen during a Star Trek film. And he might even enjoy watching Beyoncé gyrate, shake, and shimmy. But all of that is no guarantee that he actually dates black girls.

You would think I ask myself this question only when it pertains to non-black men. Not true. There are plenty of black men out there who, for whatever reason they feel is justifiable, do not date black women – at all. So, I am still left wondering, if the person I am about to approach would even consider me in a romantic light.

I’ve found it is not just me who asks this question. The conversations I have had with my girlfriends that are East Asian, Latina, and South Asian have confirmed that when attracted to a man of a different race than our own, we all ask ourselves, “Does he date women of my race?”

The phrase ‘post racial society’ gets tossed around frivolously and while colour blindness would be the ideal it is not a reality. Many women of colour will tell you stories of how they have been interested in someone only to find out that he had a limited approach to dating and they were never even going to be in the running let alone considered.

Wondering if a man I am attracted to dates black women is not something that holds me back from approaching him. At most it gives me a slight hesitation before I decide to just go for it and make my move. However, that moment of pause can cost me an opportunity, like it did with the Adonis in the café.

Like they say, you can’t win them all. While I might have missed that chance, there are will be plenty of others. Right? Is Michael Fassbender still single? He dates black girls! I should find a way to slip him my number…