If a New Orleans area legislator has her way, lard asses in the Louisiana Legislature would be prohibited from receiving lap dances within the state.

Kenner Rep. Julie Stokes yesterday introduced House Bill 1237, which would make it illegal for a strip club entertainer to perform a lap dance on any of the myriad overweight state legislators.

“The only thing more disgusting than this legislative body are some of the revolting bodies which comprise it,” Stokes argued on the floor of the House of Representatives. “It’s bad enough erotic dancers have to resort to gyrating against strangers’ crotches for money. The least we can do is make sure they don’t have to do it with some of the fat fucks in this building.”

Stokes said her bill only targets fatso lawmakers because “being a fat ass and a state legislator is a combination of repulsiveness no woman in America should have to endure, regardless of how much she charges.”

“Instead of spending your money on lap dances, maybe you should save up for lap band surgery.”

While chubby members of the House and Senate still would be permitted to purchase lap dances for others, so long as they aren’t also legislative lardos, Stokes suggested they budget their funds more wisely.

“Instead of spending your money on lap dances, maybe you should save up for lap band surgery,” Stokes said. “Then maybe you wouldn’t have to pay someone to grind against your genitalia, that is, if it’s not totally covered by all that flab hanging down from your distended abdomen.”

Stokes did admit her measure was prompted by Rep. Kenny Havard’s recent “joke” amendment, which would have required strippers be between the ages of 21 and 28 and weigh no more than 160 pounds. Nevertheless, HB 1237 has the support of other female representatives.

“Sure, it’s a joke responding to another supposed joke, but unlike Rep. Havard, she (Stokes) actually has the balls to stand behind it and not withdraw it,” Lafayette Rep. Nancy Landry claimed. “And if Rep. Havard, whom I respect, wants to get a lap dance instead of dropping about 50 pounds, he can always take his tubby ass on up to Woodville (Mississippi). It’s not that far of a drive for him.”