King Thranduil approached the elf maiden Tauriel as she knelt holding the body of her beloved dwarf. The king approached with a look of confusion on his face.

After a few moments of silence Thranduil finally spoke to Tauriel saying, “Who the hell are you anyway? Why are you here? I’ve asked around and NOBODY knows you. Are you even an Elf? Who’s your momma because I know pretty much everyone in Mirkwood. Let me touch your ears to make sure they are real. Why are you acting like you are attracted to that dwarf? An Elf and a dwarf together is a thing that would NEVER happen. Do you owe him money or something? This is ridiculous. What is that thing over there, is that a camera? Am I being filmed? WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?”