Bad memes make the Great Eagles sad. [artist: John James Audubon]

There is a Lord of the Rings meme which has circulated for awhile attached to a ‘fan theory’ that Gandalf actually intended for the Fellowship to meet up with the Great Eagles and fly into Mordor and all the way to Mount Doom. This idea, lacking any other basis or substance, attaches particular significance to Gandalf’s last words before he plummets into the abyss with the Balrog, the infamous, “Fly, you fools!”† — While at first glance, (to those who have not read the books or who have forgotten them,) this may seem like an interesting interpretation, it is definitely and dramatically incorrect. Aside from the many and varied reasons others have offered as to why this either would not have worked or why using the ‘Eagle cheat’ was just a bad idea in general, there are two big ones that jump to mind immediately, and a final reason involving the entire Lord of the Rings story arc that definitively shoots this bad fan theory as full of holes as poor Boromir.

First off, imagine a hypothetical conversation between Gandalf and Elrond immediately after the Council of Elrond in Rivendell. The two sit down and try to hammer out some ideas for how to get the One Ring to Mount Doom. Gandalf for all his long years of traveling, has never actually set foot in Mordor, but Elrond has not just been there, he sat around Barad-dûr in a siege that lasted seven years, so it is a safe bet he was familiar with the area — at least as it was three thousand years earlier. Elrond would have described Orodruin (Mount Doom) and the Sammath Naur, the Chambers of Fire — which was an actual hall with a doorway in the mountainside — to Gandalf, and pointed out that the entrance to the Sammath Naur was the single point of failure for the entire quest to destroy the One Ring. If, at any point, Sauron should become even slightly suspicious that destroying the Ring was what the Free Folk intended — game over!

GAME OVER, ELF! GAME OVER!

With minimal effort and minimal risk, Sauron could station a couple hundred orcs in front of the door into the volcano — or just seal it up with rocks!‡ And destroying the One Ring would go from being nearly impossible to being completely impossible for anything less than an immense army to accomplish.

In this hypothetical discussion, Gandalf and Elrond would conclude that any course except sneaking into Mordor with utmost stealth, would be far too risky and likely doomed to fail. And an attempt to fly a thousand miles with a clear line of sight to Mordor the entire time on the backs of nine giant eagles would definitely be deemed too risky! Sauron was arrogant and evil, but he was never once described as naïve or stupid. In fact, Gandalf clearly states, “For he is very wise, and weighs all things to a nicety in the scales of his malice.” If he had seen a convocation of Great Eagles heading straight for Mount Doom, he would have IMMEDIATELY guessed their plan, and sent every orc, warg, troll, man, and Nazgûl in Mordor to intercept them, shoot them down, and wall up the volcano’s door.

If we look at the distances involved, we can guess that Sauron would have had between twelve hours and two full days to prepare, depending on how quickly the Eagles were noticed after they left the Misty Mountains. — Remember, the Eagles are not supersonic jets, they can only fly at the speed of living, biological animals. Some quick math — an eagle flying non-stop to Mount Doom from the Misty Mountains, roughly 1000 miles, at 80 mph [golden eagle, max. horizontal flight speed] will take a minimum of 12.5 hours to make the trip. (Of course, that is assuming perfect flying conditions, magical levels of endurance for the birds, and no need for a break at any point, for either the eagle or the passengers. I think a two-day flight would be more realistic.) In light of the reality of the situation, Gandalf and Elrond would have concluded this was a perilous and altogether stupid idea, assuming that asking the Eagles for aid was even an option at all — which is debatable.

Second, Gandalf has a fairly short fuse and is always quick to point out when other characters are behaving foolishly or when they miss something obvious. At no point after he returns from death does Gandalf ever mention a prior plan to use the Great Eagles as a shortcut, and it is completely out-of-character for him to not have done so if that had ever been his plan. Furthermore, it is inconceivable that Tolkien simply forgot to mention what he would have considered a major plot point with his excruciating attention to detail—bear in mind, this is the same author who worked out the genealogies of many of the main characters going back thousands of years and who detailed the history of pipeweed in the appendices among many, many other things. So perhaps this fan theory is trying to promote the idea that Tolkien simply forgot to write in a bit where Gandalf explained this ‘Eagle plan' of his? No Took-ing way!

And finally here is the BIG REASON why I know the ‘Eagle cheat’ was not anything Tolkien intended, and why I have never understood the heart of this argument at all. Now repeat after me: The only reason the Ring quest did not utterly fail is because Gollum was present and he tripped into the Cracks of Doom.

If they had ridden the Eagles — never-mind all the potential obstacles — the Fellowship would not have brought Gollum along, and the quest would have FAILED when Frodo put on the ring in the Sammath Naur. The Nazgûl would have raced over and captured him, just as they were in the process of doing when Gollum fell to his death! The great hidden protection placed upon the One Ring was that NO ONE could just idly throw it away there in Mount Doom where it was most powerful, not even a highly resistant Hobbit such as Frodo. Even the light of the Phial of Galadriel failed in the Sammath Naur because Sauron’s evil was so intense in that dark place, so it is small wonder Frodo was overwhelmed by the Ring.

Eagles = failed quest

Still not convinced? Let me directly quote Frodo in The Return if the King, immediately after the One Ring was destroyed:

"But do you remember Gandalf’s words: Even Gollum may have something yet to do? But for him, Sam, I could not have destroyed the Ring. The Quest would have been in vain, even at the bitter end. So let us forgive him! For the Quest is achieved and now all is over."

There you have it. I hope this baseless and stupid ‘Eagle cheat' fan theory has finally been hurled down into the abyss where it belongs. And if not feel free to link this article to anyone who insists on perpetuating this nonsense.