It arrived in a glorious box that foretold the fortunes that lay within, and yet it's contents remained a mystery. I delicately opened the package and what do I spy? Papers. Cold papers. Why was the paper cold?

I removed the top layer with abandon and found a lone bottle of BBQ sauce. The mystery grew deeper. Why would someone ship me a cold container of BBQ sauce? It made no sense. Clearly this man was a psychopath.

Moving aside the bottle I find a cold pack. This sealed the deal for me. My Secret Santa was clearly a mad man trying to murder me! Did he really think that I'd relent and eat a toxic cold pack with BBQ sauce?!? The mad man!

But then I saw it. A light from heaven itself (or just the new 100 watt bulb I put in) shined upon the most glorious of gifts...

MUTHA-FUCKIN' MEAT! STRAIGHT UP BRISKET SON!