According to numerous sources within the professional wrestling industry, it is a near-certainty that, no matter where he is at the moment, Scott Steiner is doing something profoundly odd.

Whether shouting incomprehensibly about mathematics or having more ink added his preposterous amalgamation of bad tattoos, the grotesquely muscled Steiner is undoubtedly behaving like no sane adult should.

“Last I saw him, he was snorting a line of protein powder off the belly of a 77-year-old Guatemalan prostitute,” said Steiner’s former protege Petey Williams. “And that was during breakfast at Denny’s.”

Though Steiner has been somewhat elusive since he ceased writing profanity-laden, chronically misspelled, all-caps Twitter diatribes, his public appearances are noted for their strangeness.

Just this past weekend at an independent wrestling event in Iowa, Steiner shoved a fan, punched a goat, made sexual overtures toward a grandfather clock, and made himself tap-out to a self-applied reverse chinlock. Then he accused Hulk Hogan of leading ISIS.

“Man, that guy is messed up,” commented the Iron Sheik.

