So I’m unemployed and have been for about 2 years now. My Emotional Intensity, Depression, anxiety and Insomnia make it next to impossible to work set hours. Due to this jobs don’t mesh well with me. I want to earn my own money and function as a normal adult human creature tho. This is why I thought I could repair, upgrade and customise old broken video game consoles. Gaming is my shit and I know how to fix consoles and have an art diploma so why not?

Well, it’s been 7 years since I’ve done anything with a console besides play it. I’m outta touch. So I have this beautiful PS3 slim 320gb with a broken Blu-Ray drive.

I open her up to try and replace the broken drive. Then I realise because I’m a fucking idiot I’ve ordered a 250gb slim Blu-Ray drive instead of a 320gb. The image below shows both drives and the differences. Basically one is curved and one is not as well as both having different connections. The 250GB has it’s circuit inside the drive while the 320GB has it outside below the power source inside the PS3.

So I freak out, cry, cut my arm, get high and after a while calm down thanks to a friend talking to me. She is great and really helped. I just felt like I’m useless and I will forever be an adult teenager depending on benefits and others to survive. I want to be able to work but it’s so hard.

After calming down I decide if I can’t repair the insides I can work on painting the outside. I’m really into the Elder Scrolls at the moment so decided to do a nice Imperial logo known mostly from Skyrim. After drawing the logo by hand, cutting out the stencil and spraying the design on the casing I fuck up again. I wanted the logo bright so it stood out against the black of the console. This means the paint is thick. I don’t want it to dry patchy so I figure if I put it under the grill on a low setting it will help it dry even. I’m a twat and it melted…

I’m writing this blog for a few reasons. Firstly I want to learn from these mistakes and do better in the future. I’m not giving up on this, I will make this PS3 into the most beautiful console known to humanity! Secondly, I have been up most the night and I want to get these thoughts and feelings of failure out so I can relax and sleep. Thirdly, when I post pictures of my beautiful baby all up and running this post will be a testament to the first thing in my life I’ve not given up on!

As for now? Well, I’ve ordered the parts I need so it’s just a case of waiting.

This has been my TED talk on life, failure and perseverance. Thanks for reading!