Unable to move forward? Jackass star Bam Margera is hard to recognize and admits to drinking binges in a clip from Family Therapy With Dr. Jenn’s recent episode.

The VH1 series’ footage shows the Jackass and Viva La Bam alum, 36, agreeing to head to a treatment center with his mom, April, for three weeks of intensive therapy.

“If you would have told me I would have had a drunk and suicidal son at any point, I would have probably never believed you,” April tells the camera.

Bam, who appears noticeably heavier than he was in the Jackass series (which ran on MTV from 2000 to 2002) and films (Jackass 3D was released in 2010), admits that his drinking has indeed gotten out of control, and video footage in the clip shows him falling off of a bar stool.

He explains that he has turned to booze following close friend and fellow Jackass performer Ryan Dunn‘s 2011 death in a car accident.

“I never had anybody, anybody, that I cared about die — I didn’t know what the hell it was like,” the reality TV star says to the camera, getting emotional. “Then all of a sudden, my best friend dies — like, what the f–k? What do you do now?’ Well, I went on a drinking bender.”

Watch the video above to see Bam’s reaction to learning that he will be living in a dry house for several weeks.

Family Therapy With Dr. Jenn airs on VH1 on Wednesdays at 9 p.m. ET.