While anti-violence activists continue to push for stricter gun laws including an all-out ban on assault weapons, gun advocates have dug in their heels, arguing that banning firearms and concealed carry violates people’s rights. Here are arguments for and against gun control:

PROS OF GUN CONTROL:

Advances the NRA’s mission of responsibility with firearms

Cold, dead hands free to hold other things

Mailroom guy just stormed off after getting fired

Guns are so loud!

Nerds, freaks, and weirdos could once again be put in their place without fear of reprisal

Still hundreds of other ways to murder people out there

Family not worth defending

CONS OF GUN CONTROL:

Ugh, already bought so many guns

Leaves citizens defenseless against government with world’s largest military, vast stockpile of nuclear weapons

Shopping for wedding gift suddenly even harder

Already hollowed out Bible

Nothing to spin around finger when bored

May encounter some resistance

Bang! Bang! Bang! Woohoo!