You're a player, ain't you? And ya wanna know why I'm like this or what I am or whatever.

One day I was just an ordinary mole, with the ordinary mole job of a digger and worker, though sometimes I'd try to dig some gold every once in a while. I was with my brother Don in this job. But I needed more money to pay me bills and for our sick ol' mother.

Then there were these weird guys workin' for Nintendo. They gave me a job in the Reset Surveillance Center. Called it a bit of a messenger-scolding-officer thing. I had to scold a few kids if they break a few rules, because it'll ruin their system. They were offering me money. Lots of money, not millionaire money, but something so I can buy an apartment and all and pay all my bills. They said I can't quit for how long whose knows. I was in a bad dead-end job anyways, so that ain't mattered.

Till they told me 'bout this unbelievable video game system and all this crud and that there were towns where these human players were in. It was stupid crazy. That this world hosted a series of video games called 'Animal Crossing' and that there were these thousands of small towns that were almost the same. The maps and places of the houses were different, and the native fruits and trees, and the villagers, but everything else was the same. The businesses, the people running the businesses, even. And there was this li'l human kid, numbers from one to four in each, an' every li'l human kid was controlled by a 'player'. I'm not sure if you're the human and I'm looking at the representation of you or if you're controllin' the human, but I bet the second.

Ya know, maybe this is how parents have it with their ingrate kids and teens who don't give a dime 'bout their hard work. In all the systems these player people quit and don't save what happens to the world. And I'm practically – what's that word – what? Omnipresent. I knew everything that happened that didn't because you didn't save it. Unlike every other animal in this cruddy world, I knew that I was supposed to finally ask that pretty mouse on a date till that DANG STUPID PLAYER DID NOT SAVE IT! And my life was messed up. Again and again I'd be called. I moved in the Reset Surveillance Center with my brother. The red lights would flash and the alarm would sound all the time. There were sleepless nights and restless days. Don, good brother, did the job part-time every time the doc said I shouldn't see a certain kid because it might trigger a heart attack, but still I was in charge of everything. Sometimes I try to reset their games myself to show 'em what their resetting meant to me. I try to sue the company Nintendo so I could finally retire. I couldn't. They were practically the gods of the world. I was stuck in my job until nobody played Animal Crossing no more.

Resetting became my life and nothing more. I couldn't live without it.

But I hated it all the same.

What's the deal with you kids resettin' anyway? Can't ya take some pain like grown-ups? Ya know it's fun to have mistakes. You can tell yer friends about it. Humor's stupidity taken lightly. Tell 'em about you accidentally flushing your underwear in the toilet while you was playing your DS or something. You learn from the mistakes. You become your mistakes and be a better person. And if you think it's a waste to not reset the game, yer just wasting more time of your real life undoing your video game life. You gotta treasure each precious second. Because I made a lot of mistakes. I wish I didn't drop out of dental school. I wish I didn't buy that fake and expensive Redd furniture. I wish I didn't secretly post that notice on a bunch of players' town boards.

This job's a mistake that I wanna reset.

But you know what? I can't. I deal with it. That's life. That's good ol' life. That what makes living worthwhile – mistakes. It's fun to make mistakes and suffer consequences, even if the consequence is your life after that error.

In most games, when you reset or quit without saving, things are gone forever and you have to restart from the last save. Like in Mario, they don't need a Resetti there. But things like Sims 3 from EA – what if you were those poor simulated beings living in an unstable delete-prone life? Like any moment now the date you had with that cute idiot or that job promotion vanished because the player decided that her sim should've not have bought the chair. There really should be a Resetti in games where us AIs have lives and emotions, even if most of the poor AI fools don't know that it could've been another better way, that there was a company, developers and a player who planned or made their lives with the illusion of free will.

That's why I decided there needs to be someone like me to teach millions or thousands of kids to reset. I didn't like it to be me, but then since I am, I just have to deal with it and stick with my morals and hit you with my stick of morals.

I didn't really hate you kids for resettin', because most of the time I'd let you mess up your life, but what makes me crack is what happens – or what doesn't happen – when you quit without saving. You wanna know what happened every time you idiots QUIT? Here's a stupid list of the top ten reasons I hate you:

6. Every time you punks quit, I have to go to your house. Ya wanna know how many people sometimes had to go to sometimes? Fifty a day! When I brush my teeth, if you restart the game, you restart mine. Don't know how I can live much longer like this.

5. I was watching the season finale of Underground, in the most dramatic part where Molly was about to die and the bad guy was about to be revealed. Someone resetted. Then there was an error, and the Underground, my favorite TV show, no longer existed.

4. I was visiting me Mama I didn't see for half a decade. And you kids just had to reset the game every time I tried to run to my Ma. Don had to bring her to our job place. You sick blast tarts. Ma was sick and tired and cancer – even if you carry my Ma she can't afford the trouble of going out.

3. The world reset by four months. I don't know how that happened – maybe the player changed the time, maybe he turned his game off while it was saving and his game got deleted. I never understood how my world and your world synced. I had to go through my life all over again, my brother and his job, moving furniture, paying bills, doing the same things.

2. One million bell lottery. I was the winner. I could finally have a few luxuries in life, or less pain or somethin'. Pop! Reset again! Then when I tried to run back to the store some stupid goat got the lottery ticket and became a millionaire and I couldn't do anything. I started screaming at him, but then the store clerk and the other animals threatened with the police who don't do anything. Had you seen police in this game? No. Then I scolded this punk with a stupid Egyptian mask and a flower dress.

1. Then my Ma died. This time Don was taking care of her 'cause I knew you kids would try to ruin it for me. It was a busy time for Nintendo – the new City Folk was hot on the game market – and that was the time many kept on forgetting to save. I wasn't able to attend her funeral.

See? THIS JOB RUINED ME.

Sure, I feature in some other games, I'm a bit of a star, people like me. I can't see that. There's no – no internet in this game. Then there was this 'cameo' job I had in Super Smash Bros. They said 'be yourself' and I started screaming 'DANG YOU NINTENDO CAN'T I JUST HAVE A NORMAL LIFE FOR ONCE!' and said a string of dialogue about how much I hate the company and how much I just want to live life. Ya know what? Those blast tarts were PROUD of me. They patted my back and said, 'Great, Resetti, that's what you do for this cameo. Unscripted.'

I try to calm down in the Roost like I always did. The towns here don't have no beer, and I'm stuck with caffeine.

Then finally, in City Folk or that thing, I visited this weird pink shrink with funny hair. He pitied me so much that he made me pay only 100 bells and some fruit per session. I kind of calmed down a bit.

The shrink made me I realized I did love ya kids somehow. This was my life, and your existence is the reason why I am Resetti and you stupid lazy resetters helped me pay my bills every time you reset. That since I'm already stuck forever being Resetti, I might as well love my job. So eventually I stopped screaming at Nintendo.

Then Nintendo told me I made kids cry because of my "meanness". Of course I did. Didn't care. But then they said I might have to find another job in this place. Maybe paint the player houses. I was angry and furious. After all the work I've been through, I kinda got 'tached to the job. After all the freakin' junk I've been in, after all the beggin' and yellin' for quittin', they fired me now? I wanted to say 'I AM THE RESETTING OFFICER. I AIN'T A PAINTER, I AM THE RESETTI.'

But surprise, I didn't say that. I took a deep breath and tried to practice the slow breathin' techniques. I can't believe it, but I even begged them to put me in the resetting business even when they said the small children cry because of me.

Then they placed their hands on my shoulder. 'Great, Resetti, that's what you do. Calmly.'

'Do what?'

'The Resetting business.'

I almost smiled.

Later on turns out in this game 'New Leaf' yous were mayors. You were pretty much the authority, even if I was required to scream math out of you. And yous who've been actually missing my lectures actually installed the Reset Center. There was less work 'cause I was optional, mostly for the scares I give the young kids. That's why you New Leaf players don't see me scream too much. I'm thankful, honestly and you're the mayor. By that time I enjoyed screaming the heck out of you, in a heartily way, ya know. It was truly a New Leaf. Until you push the buttons. Particularly the off button.

Still, I kind of hate you, especially if you're out of New Leaf. But I don't hateyou–hateyou. You players are the reason why I live, as stupid as it sounds. And I love you kids like a teacher to his students. Seriously. (Took me guts to say that.)

But come on, cut some slack for me. I ain't a bad guy. I'm getting old. I have these hospital bills pilin' up, I'm still wearing the same socks and I think I'm gonna die someday by a heart attack. I can't quit this dang job, my entire me is already ingrained to this resetting business. Can't ya tip me? This job doesn't give as much as Nintendo thinks it does. Oh yeah, ye can't tip me. Can't you players just try to stop making me mad? Just make my job easier? Reset a bit less? Actually listen to my enlightenin' lectures?

(Dang it, this is stupid mushy and corny.) Oh yeah, final note.

Tip your waiter and pay what's due.

We clear here on me and what to do? Good.

NOW, SCRAM!

I wrote this as a sad story of a pitiful mole we all know and love/hate, but my friends said this was the funniest thing I've ever written. What do you think it is, guys?