Washington, D.C. – Visibly annoyed by how much of a big deal is being made over something everybody goes through, officials at the World Health Organization stated that employees suffering from any illness should stay home if they’re just going to spend the entire day at work acting like they’re the only person to ever catch a case of the sniffles. The experts emphasized that sick coworkers are better served staying at home and focusing on recovery instead of coming into the office and pretending they’re dying on the cross because their throat hurts.

“While sick employees may think that they’re demonstrating exceptional work ethic by coming in while ill, they often overlook the mental cost on their coworkers when they spend the entire day complaining about being too cold and hacking up a lung like they’re trying to convince their parents to let them stay home from school,” stated WHO spokesman Dana Blumgartner. “Their colleagues are forced to spend countless hours each day feigning sympathy and holding in the urge to throw their chicken noodle soup in their faces.

“I mean, come the f— on, it’s a cold, not the bubonic plague.”

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