From left: The cowards, the power-hungry nerds and the human haters

The majority of our generation want an uprising — and we’re going to get one — but which groups actually have anti-authoritarian and anti-capitalist aims in mind? The assholes on this list sure don’t, and finding strategic allies within the following groups is very risky because they’ll fuck you up the first chance they get:

1. The cowards that don’t want an uprising at all

To begin with, anyone that still believes in representative democracy is as convincing as someone tit-deep in freezing water telling you to jump on in. If it was up to these forever-frozen-status-quo supporters they would force everyone to live in a cesspool of democratic plurality where nothing can really be challenged and where ideas are talked about with no real effect ad infinitum. They like this inertia and will turn on you if you expose them to be the boring, apathetic cowards they really are.

2. The authoritarian socialist nerds

They’re just a post-uprising version of group number one, ‘Oh, but I ACTUALLY want change — real change—and to help the vulnerable we must eradicate the current system. Once we have the power…’ We only need to look at recent history to see how fast power-happy Leftists turn on everyone else whenever it suits them, vulnerable or not. This group consists mostly of frustrated nerds who don’t have the charisma required to participate in an electoral circus- why try and win people over when very soon you can force them to?

3. The capitalists who think most people suck

Let’s continue wage labour. Let’s leave the majority of the world’s resources in the hands of the wealthy. Let’s keep the profits from rents and debt rolling in. Let’s continue to treat poor people’s time as a plaything — we can make them do whatever we want as long as we pay for it. Freedom! In other words, as you were everyone. The facade of democracy gets stripped away, and the wealthy no longer need to throw money at establishment politicians to pretend to be running the show.

This group is sometimes labelled anarcho-capitalists (or ancaps), but there is a better name for them: Avoiders. As in, they have an extremely positive image of themselves, but an extremely negative image of nearly everybody else, so they think money is their salvation from having to rely (or participate) in meaningful relationships with all us other ‘stupid folk’. These capitalists are shit scared — of other people especially — and their human-hating ways have created a human-hating system which we need to expose and undermine at every opportunity.