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Wow.

I’m not sure where the rumour has come from. I’m not sure if it’s true. But sometimes, you just have to embrace the madness and roll hard in the belief that the harder you hit F5 on Newsnow, the more likely the deal will come to fruition.

It looks like this all started with SPORT telling the world that Barca will be looking to move the Brazilian off the wage bill (to make way for Neymar), likely in a loan move, and likely to a Premier League club.

It’s not exactly tough transfer algebra, we can all see how we’ve landed with this sexy story.

Brazilian player + Barca + Raul + Technical Director that is exBrazil Technical Director and Brazilian + IWOBI ON THE LEFT

I’d embrace the deal.

Coutinho / Auba / Pepe in your front line is pretty fucking lethal. No more Iwobi clogging up and down the wing looking for a ball to stumble over. We’d also minimize Ozil or motivate him to play to a more consistent standard.

However… I am sceptical.

£27m in loan fee seems outrageous considering what our budget is/was. There are some other papers falling over themselves for a lower loan number with a view to a perm move next summer, all guess work. His wages also fall into an elite bracket, and without moving on Mikhi or someone like that, you do wonder how we’re planning on course-correcting our Champions League budget this summer?

We haven’t sold anyone (have Auba or Laca signed their deals?)

There is hardly any smoke around any of our problem players

We still haven’t moved on a defender, so the summer isn’t finished

This feels like we’re putting all our money on RED in a spin of Champions League Qualification roulette.

… but like any fiscally prudent Republican in America would say: when a widening of the deficit is brewing but it’s for things you want, who. gives. a. fuck.

Why should I care? Let Swiss Ramble take care of the bad news because at the end of the day, money is just in our imagination. Right?

Vinnai looks like he knows his way around a spreadsheet. Stan wouldn’t let us do a madness if he was going to lose out. Raul seems trustworthy.

This is basically a tax break for a minority group of fans who have been brutally bantered by the footballing gods for over 15 years. We deserve this. We really do.

YOU had to deal with Ashley Cole being swapped for William Gallas.

YOU had to watch Nik B sit on the right-wing because no one would buy out his £52k a week deal.

After 12 years of Wenger-prudence, YOU had to watch him blast £100m on Mustafi, Perez, Xhaka, Elneny and Asano… and you clapped it, you fucking clapped it man, and your hot take was the deals looked ‘smart.’

Kallstrom’s broken back, Sanogo vs Bayern Munich, the Santos panic buy, waiting 2 summers for Chamakh, Ryo Miyachi from high school, Wellington Silva’s pizza habit, Dick Law chasing down Joel Campbell while Wenger shit his pants on Juan Mata, Gervinho instead of Hazard, a £4m bid for Cahill, Park Chu-young, passing on Hig for £32m, £40,000,001, Wenger’s Nearly 11, the epic cash pile, the ‘if we find something special’ players, Wenger knows what’s up he’ll sort it, STFU it’s only June, STFU it’s only July, STFU it’s only August… IT IS WHAT IT IS SUPPORT THE FUCKING LADS.

It’s all over my friends, Raul is here to stroke your head and make it right.

This is YOUR moment to choke out the internet with smug. Put that ‘STAN OUT’ banner back in the box. Cancel that idea you had for a Youtube Channel. No more protests. We’re turning a corner and we’re behaving like a real club.

Did you say build a statue for Raul? I’m in. Get the petition going. Let’s have the parade bus out and roll it through London during rush hour.

Back to transfers.

If we are in Barca this weekend, I suspect there will more likely be talks about Sammy Umtiti. I would also imagine that Manchester United are more likely to be in the driving seat for Coutinho if Paul Pogba leaves them for Madrid. We’ll see though, footballers are always fiercely loyal to their old clubs… right? Plus, Dybala doesn’t fancy a move there, so I’m unsure why Coutinho would see it as a great move.

Bad news on Tierney, the injury-prone left-back is apparently injured again. His manager reporting that he has chronic pain when he kicks a ball. Not great news. I always worry about bringing in players with a poor fitness record to a far more intense league. Pepe is a monster. Plays over 3000 minutes a season and rarely breaks down, this Scottish lad has had a very poor year.

We’ll see though… the 1-5-5 formation we’re lining up with so far this season feels innovative if nothing else.

There’s a video doing the rounds that Emery is going with the multi-captain option this season. I really don’t like that approach. Shared leadership is such a fucking myth. Sure, you want everyone to be a leader, but that doesn’t literally mean sharing out the role. A leadership role halved / quartered / eigthed is a role that is diluted. When everyone is responsible, no one is responsible. We are hierarchical beings, there needs to be one-point of bollocking, otherwise, you end up with what we’ve witnessed for 15 years.

We should just put it all on Hector Bellerin. Well behaved. Iconic. Loves the club. Embraces the culture. Looks mean in a pair of jeans his mum made him. Speaks up for all the right things. Elite right back. I love him, he’s the one.

Right, Barcelona game tomorrow, we’ll see how that defence has improved for real!