Hey guys. Sorry this is late but it's kinda long to make up for it :)

Cheers for all your comments and follows, please continue to let me know what you think. I really do like to hear your opinions :) Some mentions:

BattlestarX: Wow! You watched both series of The 100 just so you could read my fic ? That's a compliment ;) hope you enjoy...

Elenadlm: Glad you like it :) I only ever post here - so I can keep track as I used to post all over the show and it got confusing. I know some AO3 writers have their work stolen from there as well and posted elsewhere without their knowledge so, that makes me wary. Hope that won't stop you from reading tho :) - UPDATE! This can now be found on my AO3 page.



IllyriatheSmurf7: Aw thanks :) glad you like it and think everyone is in character! Is what I aim to do ;)

GoodGollyMe: So glad you're still reading :) and glad you like my trip into the Clexa fandom. Hope you keep reading!

ButterflyMissy: Wow you pick me for your first ever Clexa fic? I'm honoured! :) I hope I live up to your expectations.

Okay so on with it. It carries on immediately after the end of the last chapter.

Enjoy!

Clarke took a step back and lowered herself to the bed. She felt a little deflated, a little exposed. She was suddenly weary. Tired or, more so at least since Lexa walked in. She couldn't look at the Commander, as helpless as she felt, as lost. She wondered if the leader of the coalition had ever felt like this; so tired and just so, so guilty.

Clarke settled back against the wall, her legs a little stretched out in front of her and her hands rested lightly in her lap. Her gaze fell to the side, angled toward the ground and she waited. Not sure what for. Absolutely no idea at all what she wanted. She licked her lips and they felt painfully dry.

Lexa swallowed and watched as Clarke moved away and rested back on the bed. She couldn't move her eyes from her and she examined her closely, as she always did. She had seen Clarke like this before. Lost and numb. Pained by her own actions. The look in those blue eyes cloudy, much like after the missile but now they weren't as angry. Now there was something like shame hiding there, definitely helplessness and Lexa didn't like to see those things in Clarke. This was the cost of war; something that Lexa knew all too well.

Lexa exhaled slowly and then resumed her earlier seat at the opposite end of Clarke's bed. A little bit closer though than last time. She knew how this would play out, or at least she had a good idea but just because Clarke said she wouldn't kill her now, didn't mean she wouldn't later. When she felt stronger, perhaps. When the guilt was replaced by anger. It didn't mean the Sky People wouldn't attempt it either, for that matter. Clarke had after all spent quite some time alone wandering the forest. How was she to know what her people were planning? There was enough trouble brewing within the clans without an impending war on her doorstep and Lexa simply couldn't afford to lose any more warriors. Not if what she feared came to fruition. The same thing she always feared.

Lexa focused her attention back on Clarke, dragging her eyes over her again inch by inch. Just to see if there were any injuries she had missed on her countless inspections since she was brought to this room. It was automatic, Lexa found, her desire to know of Clarke's wellbeing.

It was dangerous she knew, and destined not to end well. She knew she'd never be able to give Clarke what she needed, not that she looked at her the same anymore, of course. Not since the mountain but regardless, it didn't stop Lexa from checking and perhaps from even confessing things that she shouldn't.

She considered several things she wanted to say before changing her mind about all of them. She couldn't be weak and the more she offered Clarke now the harder it would be further down the line. All these things she was aware of but it didn't stop her from thinking. From pondering, but it was a pointless activity. Clarke was not the same person she kissed inside her tent just before the march upon the Mountain. Now she was something else altogether.

When Clarke spoke it was quiet, and Lexa wasn't sure if she had perhaps imagined it. There was sorrow in her tone. Defeat.

"It's not what I expected."

"What?" Lexa responded after she let a reasonable amount of time pass. The word was spoken a little too softly but it was too late to change her inflection.

If felt like an age before Clarke answered. "The ground."

Lexa hated seeing Clarke like this. So beaten and so unwilling to fight. For probably the thousandth time she cursed herself for what happened at the Mountain. That though she knew as well was pointless. The decision she would make again as much as she wished she wouldn't.

"What did you expect?"

Clarke sighed. Heavily. She rolled the back of her head against the wall slowly, so her eyes first took in the bucket still sat against the far wall and then they settled on Lexa. First on her boots and then on her patched and frayed pants. Across the various straps and up to her hand that lay loosely against her thigh. Over her wrist and along the material covering her forearm. Up the length of her shoulder and then to her jaw. The curve of her chin. Her lips. Her cheekbones and then to her eyes. Those deep and soulful eyes that spoke so many words that couldn't find their way past her lips.

"Not you," Clarke whispered softly, and it was a good few moments before she caught herself. A good few moments before she stopped searching for something in the Commanders eyes she knew she shouldn't want to find.

She didn't crave it, she told herself. No matter how vulnerable she felt right then. How much at Lexa's mercy. It didn't matter. These moments between them didn't count because Lexa created this. So Lexa pretty much owed them to her. These moments of wanting to bask in the Commander's comfort. Perhaps even drown in it.

Clarke pulled her eyes away and stared back out in front of her. She sighed as she shook her head and her chest actually hurt. "Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I'd experience anything like this."

It made Lexa pause, and her throat swallowed involuntarily.

Clarke's face scrunched up, disgusted. "The violence. The war," she gasped, slightly. "The atrocity."

Lexa's gaze flicked away momentarily and then she nodded in understanding.

"I mean I read about it. Earth's history, but this," she shook her head. "I never thought I'd be a part of it." She had to breathe past the tremor in her throat, inching its way up from her chest. "The emptiness now is unbearable."

All Lexa knew was war and bloodshed. She was trained for it, after all. Crafted into the leader she was now off the backs of others but it wasn't all she was. Neither was it all the ground was. This, in actual fact was the least bloodiest period she had ever known. "There is more to Earth, Clarke," Lexa started, "than what you have seen. I know nothing of your history books but there is more to life here, than death."

Clarke just raised a brow. She couldn't imagine it. "You sure about that?"

"Yes."

Clarke turned to her again, then. Her eyes wide and almost pleading. "Have you seen it?"

The corner of Lexa's lips quirked up, ever so slightly. "My people have. They've enjoyed peace and beauty more so recently than any of our ancestors."

Clarke looked a little surprised. "This has been peace for you?"

Lexa smiled again, albeit slight. "I hope you never see the bloodshed that I have."

Clarke swallowed and wasn't sure if the saddest thing was the statement itself or how genuine Lexa's eyes were as she spoke it. "How do you deal with it?" she asked, after a minute or so.

Lexa jutted out her jaw, a bit. "Death?"

"War."

"It is a part of who I am." The answer was quick, like there was no consideration behind it at all. Like Lexa didn't even have to think about it. There was silence for a few moments while Lexa let her mind wander and she thought back to one of her lessons, before she held the burden of Commander. Lexa sighed as she pictured her mentor. "Anya once told me that the reason some leaders go from battle to battle is so that there is no space in between." Her eyes glazed over, then. "No time for thought or reflection. Conscience. Only the next war."

Clarke swallowed bitterly. She didn't want that existence to be hers. She didn't think anyone could live like that, surely. Not anyone who still had a soul, at least. She focused on Lexa's profile. "Is that what you do?"

Lexa smiled, though it wasn't a happy one. "I have been Commander for a long time, Clarke." It definitely felt like it, anyway. "I have seen many battles," and then she recalled the battle before the Coalition was formed and her blood ran cold. It was ice in her veins and her voice turned shallow. "But never an unnecessary one. I would be happy if I never saw war again."

Clarke could almost see the shadows running in front of Lexa's eyes. The ghosts. Her sombre expression said it all. "How do you forgive yourself?" she whispered.

Lexa pulled in a deep breath and she held onto it, her eyes closing before she gently pushed it out. When her eyes opened her expression was more even. More controlled. "There is no forgiveness in war, Clarke. I am guilty of many things. My hands will never be clean of the blood I have spilt but I'm a leader". Her back straightened then, as her shoulders somehow became broader. "My people look to me for protection. For safety and that is what I provide."

"No matter the cost?"

Lexa turned to Clarke, then. Her voice becoming stronger and firmer. "It is my purpose. As is yours."

Clarke dropped her gaze to the furs between them. "I don't want it to be. I don't want to have to make those choices. Never again."

Lexa watched her, and her gaze flicked to Clarke's fingers as they played with the softness of the furs between them. She pulled at it with her thumb and forefinger and Lexa wished she could erase all of this for her. Wished she could shoulder it for her, for this Skygirl she really, hardly knew at all. But what she did know, foolishly, Lexa considered enough.

"You have experienced much, Clarke," she ventured softly. "And you have lead valiantly. You saved your people. You should be proud."

"I'm not," Clarke responded quickly. Her brow furrowed too, her eyes concentrating on her fingers busy within the furs. Her voice dropped to barely a whisper. "I wiped out a nation."

"To free your own kind," Lexa said firmly. "You cannot regret that."

Clarke's eyes once again met the Commander's. "So you have no regrets?"

"I didn't say that." Lexa had plenty, in fact. There were many things she regretted and some in particular replayed out in front of her as she gazed into Clarke's eyes, but as she learnt a long time ago dwelling on such things was a waste of energy. "Actions of the past cannot be changed," she sighed, trying to push the images from her mind. Trying not to remember the pain she'd caused the girl in front of her. "Your mind will settle, Clarke."

Clarke's eyes flicked between Lexa's, left to right. Back and forth. Searching for something she wasn't sure of. She felt drained and so very vulnerable in that moment, sitting there beside a killer but then, Clarke was a killer too. She knew she was, at that moment, sat alongside her captor as her prisoner. With the woman who betrayed her, whom on a better day she would hate but instead, Clarke needed something from her. Something that would just make all the pain go away.

"When?" Clarke asked, and she felt herself on the brink of crumbling and what's worse, Lexa was there to see it.

Painfully Lexa pulled her eyes from Clarke and sat forwards on the bed. She breathed out heavily and tried to settle her racing mind. "I wish I could provide you with peace," she started, slowly and quietly after what seemed like an age of silence. "If only for a moment." The tension in the room was palpable, the small space not quite big enough for the amount left unsaid between them. It was uncomfortable, and Lexa knew it would only get worse. She swallowed and then found Clarke's gaze once more. She spoke earnestly, of what she knew to be true. "You will find they are your saviour, in times of despair. Small moments that will help you through the darkness."

Clarke found herself right back there. Captured by the Commander's words and held within the weight of her gaze. She honestly felt like no one had a chance, if they were the object of Lexa's affection. She was just so powerful, with so little effort. Clarke felt her heart rate increase, a warmth take root in her chest and she was certain Lexa would kiss her. It was just like before, more or less. Lexa's eyes. Her demeanour. The tone of her voice. Clarke both wanted it and didn't in equal measure. No, she didn't want it at all. She needed it. Comfort. Passion... something, and Clarke despised herself for craving so badly the person who betrayed her. Not only her but her people too.

All Clarke could think of though, was the softness of Lexa's lips. How they felt kissing her and how it ended all too soon. How much Clarke wished she'd have let Lexa kiss her for longer. Touch her.. anything. Because that was before the betrayal. No matter how much she didn't think she was ready then, at least there wasn't that. But now there was and it just felt wrong but right then, she didn't care an inch. Clarke remembered how gentle Lexa was as her eyes dropped to her lips, her own parting as she recalled how their movement felt. How comforting it was when they were within the midst of battle. How everything else just seemed to slip away into oblivion and all there was were her lips. Her fingers. The way she tasted when her tongue brushed against her lips and God, how much Clarke utterly needed it again.

She thought of the Commander's fingers brushing ever so softly against her jaw and slipping around to the back of her neck, pushing into her skin and Clarke knew such a moment was exactly what Lexa was talking about right then.

She was right, as well, it did feel like salvation. If only for a second. One big, insane second as Clarke remembered moving her hand to Lexa's elbow and pulling her that fraction closer. Holding onto her because everything about that kiss felt so safe; so inviting. Just as Lexa's eyes had been. Imploring, too, and even endearing. Perhaps as well with a touch of that weakness Lexa said was so terrible and it was just the way she was looking at her now, but her eyes also sought something else.

Forgiveness, and it made Clarke stop, her throat clench and her chest gasp a little.

Just then Clarke knew herself to be weak. Weak enough to desire someone she shouldn't. Weak enough to want to close the distance, reach out and strangle the life out of the comfort she knew Lexa would provide. To make the Commander chase away her demons and keep her safe at night. She could see Lexa was willing in this moment, and perhaps in every moment.

But she couldn't.

She wouldn't.

Clarke's gaze found Lexa's, her mind physically backtracking and the moment was suddenly gone. She was here to strengthen herself mentally with the help of someone who owed her that much. That was it. That was all it would ever be.

Clarke forced out a breath. "If only it were that easy," she mumbled, her eyes dropping to the floor.

If Lexa felt the rebuff, she didn't show it. She just lifted her jaw a little as her eyes flicked down in silent acknowledgement.

"Heda!"

Lexa cleared her throat quietly as she got up from the bed. She felt it, of course she did but she was well practiced at hiding her pain. "Chit?" she shouted after a moment in the direction of the exit. It was a welcome distraction.

"Em hosa laik bakon kom Polis. Emo hod kos yu op."

Perhaps it was a good thing this conversation couldn't go much further. Lexa felt guilty for the Mountain, she was certain she would never stop but she'd never be sorry and it was clear Clarke couldn't take that, not right then. Maybe not ever, and she needed to learn what was going on in Polis.

Lexa sighed, loudly. "Ai na hit kom em op," she instructed sternly, her eyes fixing on Clarke. She just had to finish this, first. "Pas daun."

"Sha, Heda."

Quickly Lexa steeled herself. Her posture stiffening as if she was all of a sudden talking to someone else. "Nothing is ever easy, Clarke."

Clarke scoffed and continued to look out to the side as she shook her head.

Lexa was losing her patience, a little, and she needed to speak to her riders who had returned from Polis. "It will take time. You will not conquer your demons in one night." She could see Clarke's shoulders tensing at her words, the frown across her brow deepening so she marginally softened her tone. "You need patience."

"Patience?" Clarke blurted. "I walked the woods, endlessly-"

"-Which only fed your fears more." Lexa stepped closer. "Solitude is not the answer, Clarke."

"So what is?" Clarke asked as she looked at Lexa, her forehead still frowning. Her eyes heavy. She was honestly starting to think there was no answer. Just this permanent, lonely, damning, internal struggle. She sized Lexa up. "You?" she blurted with a heavy amount of distaste which she regretted as soon as it came out. She kept the same look on her face though, for some defiant reason.

Lexa peered into Clarke's eyes like she knew she was faking. Like she knew this was all one big show crafted so she wouldn't appear weak. Lexa tilted her head. "You want me to be."

Clarke had no idea if that was a question or a statement. The way Lexa was standing though, and the look in her eyes exuded a kind of cockiness. It made Clarke waver. "I..." she swallowed and then she blinked, quickly finding her bearings. Somehow. "...No," she said flatly.

Lexa just looked her over, breathing in deeply as she did. Clarke was glaring at her with a certain kind of defiance. It was waning though, as was the rest of her. She was obviously tired and very much losing track of why she thought she was there. She needed much more time, Lexa knew, and she also needed to sleep.

"I don't want anything from you," Clarke added wearily.

Lexa also knew that Clarke wouldn't get anywhere if she wouldn't let herself be helped. She smiled thinly and her tone was once again soft. "Then why do you prefer my company than that of your own people? Why do you not look to them for salvation?"

Clarke pushed her head back against the wall behind her, looking to the ceiling for a few moments. "I don't know," she whispered. She shook her head, again. "I thought you would..." she trailed off.

"What?" Lexa prompted, after a moment or two.

Clarke though remained silent and she let her eyes drift shut.

Lexa inhaled as she looked around the cell. The bed was as comfortable as she could make it but she raised a brow at the rest of it. Clarke needed better surroundings. "Understand?"

Clarke just sighed in response.

Lexa turned and took a couple of steps to the side, her mind working as it should, as the Commander of her people. The longer she could keep Clarke in her camp the more advantageous that would become. That's what she told herself, anyway. "If you want help, Clarke. You must be receptive to it."

Clarke carried on being silent, feeling exhausted.

"You cannot keep fighting me."

This time her answer was quick. "I can't promise that."

The answer didn't surprise her but the determination in her tone did. Lexa inhaled. "You're still angry with me."

Clarke scoffed, at that. "Yes."

Lexa licked her lips and softened her tone. "The decisions we make in battle, Clarke, are not-"

Clarke's eyes flicked open. "-Don't say personal."

Lexa stopped. "Are not always the ones we wish to make."

Clarke forced out a breath of air. "So you regret it?"

Lexa levelled out her chin. How quickly they were here was a surprise. "No," she replied swiftly. She swallowed. "I cannot regret the decision of saving my people-"

The furrow was set deep in Clarke's brow and her eyes stung. The breath catching in her throat. "-And leaving me to die?"

Lexa almost looked ashamed, for a moment. She looked like she wanted to say a thousand things however she immediately closed it off. It wasn't the time for this conversation. Clarke was forcing it because she was bitter so instead she said nothing.

"You kissed me, Lexa."

She knew it was coming and for a moment, Lexa closed her eyes, remembering. "I know," she whispered.

Clarke was upset. It built inside her and now it was a ten tonne weight pressing down on her chest. Pushing behind her eyes. She felt it everywhere; a certain numbness. Crushing her now as it crushed her then. "You kissed me, and then you left me." She wasn't bothered about the way her voice wobbled. The way all of her trembled because none of that mattered. "I can't forgive that."

Lexa let the moments pass as she took in Clarke's words. The last bit harder than the rest. She stood up straighter, her shoulders feeling remarkably heavy and a lump forming at the bottom of her throat. "You are tired," she stated, matter-of-factly. "Perhaps it is best you rest."

Clarke turned away, definitely having had enough.

"Goodnight, Clarke," Lexa said quietly before she pulled her eyes away and headed to the end of the cell. Before she left however she turned, her hand finding out the corner of the wall in front of her. Her fingers digging into the stone as she glanced at Clarke over her shoulder. "You must separate the two."

Clarke dragged her tired, glossy eyes back to the Commander, a little raw around the edges as she was. She looked so much older than before the mountain.

Lexa held her gaze. "One was my head," she said quietly. "The other my heart."

Clarke pulled in a shaky breath. She was all over the place, she knew she was. She could feel it and she hated it but she was sure enough to know she couldn't let Lexa off the hook. Not while she felt like this. Every inch of her was telling her she didn't want to be alone, that she didn't want Lexa to leave which was exactly why she knew she should push her away. "Well I guess we know which one wins."

Lexa's eyes twitched in response and it was the only thing that gave her away. She nodded, as it was the only thing she could do. The statement was true after all, and there was nothing else left to say. She just turned and walked away.

Lexa left the cell and strode out into the forest. She took a few steps and stopped, her fists opening and closing over and over at her sides. Her chest was tight, her breath coming in sharp, shallow gasps and she worked hard to calm it. To settle what she was feeling. It was nearly dark and the breeze that swept around her was picking up speed. It felt cool against her skin and it was welcome, her blood uncomfortably warm as it powered through her veins.

She closed her eyes momentarily, her teeth absently chewing on her lip. She had envisaged these conversations with Clarke many times, although even those she usually dismissed. She swallowed and it scraped along the inside of her dry throat.

It was always going to be hard, that she knew but this was probably the last scenario she ever expected to come true. She honestly thought it would be easier if Clarke was there to kill her. If she at least attempted it. All this was, was a lost Clarke hidden in her cells. A hopeless one. One that was left broken when Lexa walked away from her and even more broken after that.

It was only going to get harder, too.

Lexa knew she probably shouldn't have kissed her, all that time ago. But Clarke made her feel things. Things she hadn't felt in such a long time and what's worse, Lexa wanted them. She wanted her, and she wanted her still.

"Commander."

Lexa opened her eyes and exhaled a breath, waiting for a few moments as she pushed it out and when she turned around she was once more the picture of calm. The Commander everyone knew and expected her to be.

"Dax," Lexa greeted her general as he hastily approached her. She specifically didn't look toward her cells and instead started walking in the direction he came from. "Walk with me."

"Yes, Commander," Dax responded, falling easily into her stride. "What of Clarke?" he asked as he looked sideways at her.

Lexa returned his gaze, her face still altogether expressionless. She didn't respond, however.

"Did she speak of her intentions?" he clarified, after a moment or so.

Lexa blinked by way of acknowledgement, her hands clasping together behind her back. "She seems unthreatening," she responded evenly.

"As we expected," Dax cut in.

Lexa eyed him. "For the moment."

Dax quickly looked to the ground, apologetic. Sometimes he was too eager to please, this Lexa was aware of. He let the silence settle between them. "We are to leave her in the cells?"

Lexa examined his profile. He made her miss Gustus, but only sometimes. Only when she let him. "I assume you have spoken with the riders from Polis?"

"Yes, Commander."

Lexa stopped and squared on him. He was taller than she was. Broader. Much larger as were all of her male warriors. They could still all shrink in her shadow, however. All grow queasy under her penetrating gaze. "What news did they bring?"

Dax was stood a foot or so away so not to invade the Commander's personal space. "The Capital grows weary for your arrival."

Lexa remained still for a second, her eyes dropping as she turned and finally started up a slow pace again. Dax followed silently at her side. "I have faith in Luna to preside until I get there." She said quietly, almost as if she didn't quite believe it herself.

Dax swallowed nervously and then he puffed out his chest. "It is not with Luna where the trouble lies."

Lexa turned her head but didn't make eye contact. She stared out into the woods, at the contrast of the trees as the wind moved them. The way the leaves ruffled and the colours mixed together. The forest was beautiful just after sunset, she had always thought so.

"I know," she answered firmly. Dax had travelled at Gustus' side for many years. He knew of the Coalition exactly what Gustus had known and he knew each member and their clans intricately. Gustus educated him well. "And what of our alliances?"

"As expected." There was no hesitation.

Lexa looked back out ahead. "Any absentees?"

"As we thought, Commander. Polis still awaits representation from the furthest clans."

Lexa nodded. Those were always the clans most difficult to meet with. With whose alliances were always weakest. The Ice Nation being the furthest, therefore the weakest. "There is still time," she started as she picked up her pace. "Did Jael speak with Luna?"

Jael was one of Lexa's most respected and fearless warriors. He could be trusted implicitly and often was. "Yes," Dax replied as he looked at her. "She will do as you ask."

"Good." Lexa wanted to know who within the Coalition was thinking of causing an uprising. Or really, more to the point who would support the Ice Nation should they cause one, as was always a potential reality. A constant threat that was year by year weighing more and more on Lexa's shoulders. When she arrived in Polis she was confident Luna would have the inside knowledge. She was good at that kind of thing, and of course Lexa trusted her like no other.

"Clarke will help us rebuild an alliance with the Sky People."

Dax's eyes widened. "Commander?"

Lexa held her shoulders back. "We cannot be strong in Polis if we are weak here, nor can we afford to lose more warriors in a war on our doorstep."

Dax held his tongue. They had just broken an alliance with the Sky People so he couldn't see them being quick to join another one. "We are to send word to Camp Jaha we have their leader?"

"No," Lexa replied quickly. "If they are preoccupied with finding Clarke then they are not preoccupied with us."

"And she will help us?" Dax asked. "The Sky People are willing?"

"Not yet," Lexa confessed. She stopped walking when her tent came into view and then she turned to Dax as her demeanour softened, although not by much. "It will take time," she began. "Clarke is in pain. She needs to heal."

Dax knew that. He saw it in her eyes when he captured her. "Jael was uncertain how long Polis can wait."

Lexa nodded. She was aware of that, too. She squared her chin. "Put two guards on Clarke; your best. She is to be let out of her cell."

"Yes, Commander."

"They are not to leave her side." She said as her hand raised slightly between them. What Clarke needed was integration. She needed people, and she needed to see life outside of war. "Put her in a tent close to the healer, and make sure the guards escort her to the river." Push her in, she wanted to add, if she still refuses to bathe.

"Yes, Commander." He waited for a few moments before he spoke and he hesitated as Lexa started to walk away from him. "Will you take her to Polis?" He wanted to add that having Clarke there would be a great advantage. The clan leader who did what the rest of them combined couldn't for ninety-seven years. Flosha kom Maun-de klin. It would be good for them he knew, but not so much for Clarke. Not in her current state, anyway.

Lexa turned back to him and noted the apprehension ghosting across his face. She liked Dax; more and more with each passing day however he sometimes spoke out of turn. As if he was more familiar with her than what he was. "Know your place, general," she said as she stared him down. Her eyes unblinking and her spine rigid.

He immediately looked to the ground at her feet and absently took a step back. "I'm sorry, Commander. It's just-

"-Polis will wait," she interrupted sternly, and then she moved to turn away from him. "And make sure Clarke is safe."

Dax nodded as he watched her stride away toward her tent. "Yes, Commander."

Clarke didn't really like water. Or large bodies of it, anyway. She hadn't had great experiences with it since landing on the ground. She tentatively moved her hands in small circles at her sides, turning around slowly every now and again just to make sure a big, water snake-like creature wasn't about to eat her.

That wouldn't be fun.

Her guards had assured her though there was no such creature within these waters. It was a small lake, apparently, although Clarke couldn't see where it ended and those creatures didn't live in small lakes. Clarke raised an eyebrow and turned around once more, probably for the thousandth time. It looked pretty similar to the one Octavia almost got eaten in, to her.

Anyway she tried to relax. Her guards were near and she was certain one of them would jump to her rescue, seeing as her gun was now living in the Commanders tent. Clarke was weapon-less, aside from a small dagger but that was with her clothes on a rock just at the water's edge.

Clarke had argued with Dax as he walked her from her cell to her new tent within the community of TonDC. She was apprehensive about it, to be honest, as the people she passed on their walk eyed her just as apprehensively in return. Some looked at her like they feared her, others like she was something to be revered. In a few faces she saw hatred and a few didn't take any notice of her at all.

"I need a weapon."

"You do not."

Clarke had only taken a few seconds to scan the interior of her latest home. It was better than the cell, of course. A bed piled with furs in the corner and a deep red curtain to separate it from the rest of the space. A closet, a table, two chairs. A bowl of fruit and a canteen of water set out on the table top.

She spun quickly to pin Dax in her gaze. "The Commander must trust me, she's let me out of the cell."

Dax tried to tower over her as best he could but she just glared back at him with clear intent. At least there was still some of her in there, he supposed. "The Commander thinks you have seen enough punishment," he said flatly. "That does not mean you should be armed."

Clarke sighed, heavily. "Look," she said as she stepped closer to him. "There are people here that would kill me."

"There are people everywhere that would kill you, Skygirl. At least here you have guards." He eyed her, with more judgement than he intended. "You will not be harmed within our boundaries."

"Are you sure of that?"

Dax smiled faintly as he looked her over. Her head was still bandaged, as were her knees. The redness around her wrists was easing though, and her eyes seemed a little brighter although there were still plenty of shadows there. Still heavy circles that sat around them. Still a raggedness to her and a look of pure exhaustion. "The Commander has ordered it, and your guards will do their job well."

Clarke gritted her teeth as well as her expression. "Then why do I need guards if she has ordered it? Shouldn't that make me safe enough?"

Dax exhaled evenly, his chin way above Clarke's eye-line. He didn't answer and just stared at her with nothing more to say. She had a point, after all, but he knew his guards wouldn't fail their task.

Clarke sighed. "Let me see the Commander."

"No."

It had been a full day since Lexa had left her cell the night before and Clarke had no idea when she would see her again, which was probably a good thing. Half the time Clarke had no idea why she was there, and the other half she spent knowing it was the best place for her to be. She wasn't sure about being out in the open like this though, the only thing between her and a rogue grounder killing her being those two massive, masked guards outside her tent.

Dax turned to leave. "At least now you want to live," he smiled. "An improvement."

Clarke grabbed his arm. "Wait." He looked at her and this time she definitely saw compassion in his eyes. "Please," she swallowed. "I need to be able to defend myself. Everyone here has a weapon, even the kids outside."

Dax grinned, then. She was right; all of the Trikru had at least a dagger tethered to their hip. It was their first line of defence and each of them knew from a very young age if they used it out of turn, the Commander would punish them accordingly. No matter their age. No matter if it was the first time it was ever unsheathed.

He raised his brow and pulled his arm from Clarke's grasp, stepping toward the table. He took the dagger from his hip and held it up. "In TonDC you live by our laws, your guards will tutor you should you need them to." He lowered his voice. "Be careful, the Commander will not go easy on you should you break them." He thought of Gustus for a second and it made his throat go dry. "There is little leniency in our culture. This you have seen." He placed the dagger on the table and then headed for the exit. It was no risk. He knew each of his people would be able to disarm her should she try to use it, even the children, but he was certain she would not.

"Dax," she called to him.

He turned as he held open the flap.

"Mochof."

He dipped his head and then he left.

It was awkward, her first day in TonDC. She spent most of it in her tent hiding and the rest of it wanting to see Lexa. It drove her crazy and eventually she left, pausing as she looked up to the Commander's tent, large and imposing up on the hill in the distance. After a minute or so she pushed out a breath and headed for the woods.

Her guards were interesting, as Clarke found out when she got to the edge of the camp and had to find a tree stump to sit down on. Her knees were definitely not up to much walking she discovered but she was far too stubborn to accept that fact. Finally she sat down and only then she realised the two guards were following her. It was shocking, really, as she hadn't heard them at all, remembering back to Dax informing her they would accompany her everywhere.

She sighed as she rubbed gently at her knees, the one guard disappearing into the surrounding trees but the other one, the younger one came closer to her and then turned, standing to attention and looking out into the distance.

His name was Zeek, she learned. The other, older one Jael, but that was as much information she managed to get out of them.

Maybe all this hadn't been such a good idea after all.

That was two days ago and after much cajoling from the healer and about three passing comments from Zeek about the way she smelled, Clarke finally decided to visit the river. She definitely wasn't comfortable, this definitely wasn't relaxing however the water was strangely warm and if the idea of her two guards lurking somewhere was comforting for the snake killing situation, it certainly wasn't for her state of undress.

"You are a mystery, Clarke of the Sky People."

Clarke spun in the water so fast she almost lost balance, her arms straightening out at her sides to help steady herself. She was shoulder deep in the water and she was thankful for that as the Commander came into view, crouching atop one of the large rocks that enveloped the space Clarke was standing in. She still felt exposed though, even though the water hid her nakedness.

Lexa was examining her; that much was evident. Or at least the parts that were visible above the water. Clarke was sure Lexa's eyes tried to peer beneath the surface too, but Clarke was happy the distance between them couldn't allow for that.

Lexa tilted her head. "The things you have done for your people, yet you desert them."

Clarke carried on moving her hands in small circles out at her sides. Her balance really wasn't the best in the water and she didn't want to fall over or anything in front of the Commander. This was the first she had seen of her since their conversation in the cells. The conversation about their kiss amongst other things and she wondered if Lexa had waited for this moment, for her to be as vulnerable as this before choosing to speak with her again.

Clarke cleared her throat. "They're in good hands."

"You do not think your hands are most qualified?"

Clarke frowned a little, not sure where Lexa was going with this. "Not at the moment," she answered carefully.

Lexa was curious and still wary of Clarke. She had to be. She was still a leader of a potential enemy; what she could learn at TonDC could ultimately cause her people some damage. As Indra had been more than hasty to point out. "You intend to go back to them?"

So that was it. Clarke sighed and after a moment she shook her head. "I really don't know, Lexa."

Lexa softened then, and she looked out to the side as her eyes followed the line of the lake, all across the horizon and then eventually back to Clarke. "You will always be the leader of your people, Clarke." Lexa looked at her pointedly. "You are strong of body and of mind. You do yourself an injustice thinking otherwise."

Clarke really didn't feel any of those things. She didn't feel strong at all and it was an odd feeling that Lexa's compliments generated in her chest. Whatever the praise, she didn't feel worthy of it. She just plain didn't believe it and couldn't understand anyone thinking of her in that way.

Clarke glanced at the water and tried to swallow her awkwardness. She felt a chill all of a sudden, even though the water was still warm. She could see the Commander didn't trust her, not like she did before. Clarke could see it in her eyes and she was right to, really. Clarke felt like trust was very difficult to come by on the ground, between the different clans. She shook her head though as she pushed it out of her head. Politics really wasn't any of her concern, now.

"Is that how you see me?" Clarke asked, a part of her really wanting to know.

Lexa smiled. It was small but a smile nonetheless. She would never think any less of Clarke, that she was sure of and then she quirked a brow. "At the moment I see you in a lake."

It threw Clarke, a little. She had no idea Lexa knew how to be anything other than serious. She smiled, despite herself and then she cleared her throat. "Naked, in a lake."

Lexa retained eye contact for a few moments, the air between them changing and then her attention dropped for a second, to the water just in front of Clarke's chest. It took her longer than it should've for her to pull her eyes away, blinking them a little too quickly with the thoughts Clarke's words conjured up.

"I was unsure if you would... want to remain with us," Lexa said quickly, deftly changing the subject.

Clarke was certain she saw some heat rise in the Commander's cheeks. The statement made her frown, though. "You want me to leave?"

Lexa confidently managed to meet Clarke's gaze after a few moments of her fingers drawing slow, idle patterns in the rock in front of her. "You are welcome here, Clarke," she replied slowly. "For as long as you wish."

Clarke just nodded, not sure if she was happy about that or not.

"I wish to show you something," Lexa said as she stood abruptly, her coat sweeping around her ankles with the force of her motion.

Clarke had to crane her neck up in order to see her properly. "Uhm, now?"

Lexa looked down at her. "Yes."

Clarke just raised her eyebrows. There was no way she was leaving the water with the Commander standing there. Or anywhere near, for that matter.

Lexa stared at Clarke as if expecting her to just walk from the lake and when she didn't, Lexa quirked a brow at her. Clarke just raised her eyebrows even more and finally, Lexa stepped from the rocks to the edge of the water.

"You have new clothes," Lexa stated, gesturing to where Clarke had left her old ones.

"What?" Clarke waded in a little but made sure her shoulders stayed below the water by bending her knees as she walked.

"Your others are being cleaned. They will be returned to you."

Clarke was surprised and she shook her head slightly, not really knowing what to say. She hadn't seen anyone get her clothes which was odd seeing as they were right at the edge of the water. Sure enough, though, new ones were there as well as new boots.

"Thank you," Clarke said, for want of having anything else to say.

Lexa turned to her, her expression back to being stoic and rather blank. "I will have your guards bring you to the edge of camp when you are ready. I will meet you there."

She didn't wait for a response. Lexa just turned and disappeared into the woods leaving Clarke just where she found her.

Zeek lead, Clarke followed and Jael hung back at the rear. Clarke was used to it by now, after three days. This was the way they moved, apparently. Zeek had said a few things but Jael hadn't uttered a word. He barely looked at her either, for that matter, so by default Clarke liked him less.

Zeek was shorter than Jael but still much taller than she was. He was slimmer too, not as broad as many of the other warriors she had seen around the Trikru camp. Or in battle. His hair was long and black, held off his face in braids that cascaded down his back. They weren't the most intricate she had ever seen, not at all like the Commanders. They were simple, and by this their sixth walk Clarke felt she had way more knowledge on Zeek's braids and what the back of his clothes looked like than what she should from all this walking behind him she was doing.

Clarke rolled her eyes and sighed, jogging a little to fall into step beside Zeek. "Do you know where the Commander wants to take me?"

Zeek snapped his attention to her and his expression screamed surprise. He just looked at her for a good number of steps before the expression drained from his face and he resumed looking forwards. "No," he replied.

Clarke carried on looking at him. "What, not at all?"

Silence.

"Are you coming with us?"

Zeek seemed to be considering things, from as much as Clarke could make out. His eyes would drop to her before he quickly looked away again. "If the Commander requires it."

Clarke was so grateful for the conversation she could have done a dance about it, but she managed to suppress the urge. "She didn't ask you at the lake?"

Zeek looked at her properly, then. "The Commander doesn't ask," he informed her. "She instructs."

"Oh, right," Clarke murmured quietly, reminding herself to be clearer when she spoke. "That's what I meant."

"Zeek," a voice floated to them from behind.

Zeek immediately straightened and looked ahead while Clarke looked over her shoulder and saw Jael, still quite a way behind them.

She frowned, and turned back to Zeek. "Was that Jael?"

"Yes."

Clarke raised an eyebrow. "Does he need something?"

"No."

"Hod yo chichnes op."

Clarke looked over her shoulder again at Jael and then back at Zeek who was keeping his eyes firmly ahead. "What did he say?"

Zeek glanced at Clarke briefly. "Nothing." He pointed up ahead, "We are nearly there."

Zeek hurried his pace and left Clarke lagging behind, her knees not quite able to keep up with him. She glanced again at Jael briefly before she entered the same clearing Zeek just passed through. On the other side a huge meadow seemed to spread out in front of her. All yellows and blues and greens and pinks, all flowing gently from side to side in the breeze.

It was beautiful, and Clarke felt drawn to it. Like she needed to walk within it, touch the flowers and get lost in the sea of colour. She took a few hesitant steps forwards but then stopped, her eyes wide and a smile pulling urgently at her lips.

"Wow," Clarke breathed, captivated.

Zeek just watched her, Jael striding over to where the Commander and Indra sat atop their horses quite a few metres away.

Clarke gently shook her head. "It's beautiful."

Zeek turned his attention back to Clarke, his curiosity about the Sky girl getting the better of him. He cocked his head and rested his hands on the butt of his sword at his hip, stepping out and to the side of his charge.

"You have not seen it?" he enquired, keeping his voice very low. He knew how the wind could carry it and was wary of his superiors overhearing.

Clarke just continued gazing, her eyes darting around the meadow trying to capture every detail. "I've never seen anything like it," she breathed, pretty much mesmerised.

Zeek smiled, mostly at her expression and then at her words. He grew up running through meadows and fields such as this. It was hard to imagine a life without it. "Our lands are full of such things," he said as he followed her gaze. "You will learn of them."

Clarke looked at him, then, after she managed to pull her eyes away from the explosion of colour ahead. That's when she noticed the Commander in the distance, away and to the left of Zeek's shoulder. She was looking their way as Indra talked to her; Jael staring up at the general from where he stood on the ground.

There was a definite easiness to Zeek just then, a more casual way about him. He was smiling, too, something she rarely saw from any grounder and he seemed almost, familiar. In that weird way when you're aware such a thing isn't possible.

"They smell as good as they look, too," he added and then their eyes met. He only held her gaze for a moment before he ducked his head and then looked back out to the meadow, clearing his throat.

Clarke tried to figure it out. If she had seen his eyes before. On the march to Mount Weather, maybe. "Are you a warrior, Zeek? Or a guard?" She didn't know the right terms at all and it suddenly hit her once she'd asked the question. Perhaps the grounders didn't have terms like that. "Is there a difference?"

Zeek lengthened his spine and rolled back his shoulders, as if he couldn't speak of it unless his posture was correct. "We are all warriors," he responded proudly. "And we follow the orders we are given."

Clarke nodded gently. "No questions asked?"

Zeek furrowed his brow as he peered down at her, his voice gravelly. He looked as if that was the most absurd thing she could've asked. "Why would we question the Commander?"

Clarke didn't reply. She just shook her head, a thought going to what that would mean should her people want to get involved with Lexa's Coalition... She quickly pushed it out of her head.

She sighed and briefly closed her eyes, breathing in the faint scent of the wild flowers that battled before her. She really couldn't get over it. The beauty of it, and how she'd never seen it before. Perhaps the paths she had travelled since she landed were like this, just all the conflict had distracted her from it.

"What's your word for amazing?" she asked, rather absently.

Zeek heard some movement from his left so he subtly took a step back. "Badas," he whispered, and then he stood to attention.

"Clarke," Lexa greeted as she came to within a few feet of them.

Clarke turned to face her, still testing out Badas in her mind. She thought it was funny. "Commander," she responded, after a moment.

Zeek just stared at the ground, his head bowed in respect and it was a few moments before Lexa addressed him.

Her eyes however, didn't leave Clarke. "Return to your first. He has orders for you."

"Yes, Commander," Zeek hurried, still not lifting his gaze and then he scurried off toward where Jael was waiting.

Clarke couldn't see Indra anywhere.

Lexa's hands were clasped behind her back and she seemed, remarkably, more relaxed too. She was regarding Clarke with an easiness she hadn't seen for a while. It was confusing; maybe it was a local holiday, or something.

"Will you walk with me, Clarke?" The Commander eventually asked, her lips pulling up at the corners ever so slightly.

Clarke wasn't particularly sure how she should be feeling. Lexa clearly wanted her to see the meadow, wanted its beauty to impact her, somehow. It actually made Clarke wish she had some canvas and paint. She really wanted to capture it but she supposed Lexa would gladly bring her here again.

"Sure," Clarke responded after some pointless indecision. Maybe she just wanted to make Lexa wait but that pleasant, inviting and warm gaze Lexa was bestowing on her seemed a little too heavy for her, right then.

Clarke swallowed as Lexa walked passed her and Clarke had to pivot a little so she wouldn't brush against her shoulder. Clarke swallowed again, hesitantly, and then she followed Lexa's path down the centre of the meadow.

Translations.

Thanks once again to Jay012 on the reddit board.

"Em hosa laik bakon kom Polis. Emo hod kos yu op."

The riders are back from Polis. They wait for you.

"Ai na hit kom em op. Pas daun."

I will meet with them. Later.

Flosha kom Maun-de klin.

Destroyer of the Mountain.

"Mochof."

Thank you.

"Hod yo chichnes op."

Stop talking.