In early 2019, Jordan Peterson, the alt-right's dad who is too full of actual beef to walk out on them, announced he was leaving Patreon because of the site curbing the "free speech" of fellow right-wing pundits (i.e. banning them for associating with militant fascists and inciting hate speech). Instead he would make his own totally unpoliced subscription platform. Will this finally be the promised land for free speech, in which radicals can frolic and play and no longer have to use triple brackets to say how they really feel? No, of course not.

The self-proclaimed "professor against political correctness" (which sounds like the worst X-Men villain ever) has now launched his social media site, called Thinkspot -- exactly the kind of name you'd expect to flow out of the galaxy brain of the "intellectual dark web." Thinkspot claims to be a free-speech zone that combines the best qualities of Patreon, Twitter, and YouTube without those pesky lefties.

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That means being able to post about anything without constraints -- like, say, antisemitism, transphobia, or how to properly masturbate to underage anime girls. To guarantee this, Peterson has promised it would take intervention from a U.S. court before anyone would be removed from the site. Because what the world truly needs is the social media equivalent of a guy with three cabinets full of Nazi memorabilia screaming at the police through his reinforced door to show him a warrant.

Thinkspot

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The platform is still in development, but Peterson has already chosen high-profile alt-right figures, such as Dave Rubin and rape connoisseur Carl "Sargon" Benjamin, to be part of the beta crowd. So far, we already know that this "We won't police what you say or how you say it" site will have features such as shadowbanning unpopular comments (like "Stop posting all that hentai, it's weird and gross") and a word count restriction. Except that in an attempt to be the polar opposite of Twitter (besides also being totes cool with catering to Nazis), Thinkspot posts won't have a maximum word count, but a minimum of 50 words. That way, Peterson claims, "Even if you're being a troll, you'll be a quasi-witty troll." Because as well know more words = more witty. To paraphrase Shakespeare, to copy/paste the N-word 42 times in a row is the soul of wit.

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But it won't be the constant fines or potential FCC takedowns that will be the end of Thinkspot. Rather, it will likely go the way of all far-right social media: irrelevancy. Look at Twitter alternative and antisemitic meme generator Gab, which is barely clinging to life and hosting space. Or Righter, the dating site where MAGA supporters can find their matching red cap, which has a dating pool that's comically shallow. As a screechy minority, far-right voices simply don't have the numbers or clout to successfully self-segregate. So let's encourage the worst people in your life to give Thinkspot a shot, as it won't actually change anything except give us a few quiet weeks on Facebook.

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Cedric Voets can only be found on the coolest of fascist platforms: Twitter.

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