Australia Day has become a problem.

You know it, I know it, and this week's Essential Report knows it: only a third of respondents to the poll said they would be doing something to celebrate the day this year.

Many more people (46 per cent) consider it to be just another public holiday, relegating our national day of pride to a status equivalent to the Queen's fake birthday or whatever Labor Day is supposed to celebrate.

It's not surprising enthusiasm for Australia Day is waning. Every year, the attempts to celebrate our nation's virtues are overshadowed by the increasingly passionate debate over the date.

The calls to move the celebration from January 26 get louder each year, and are not likely to die down anytime soon.

And whether you object to the current date because it makes it impossible for our nation to be truly unified on its national day due to the inextricable association of the occasion with memories of pain and dispossession for the country's first peoples, or because it makes it impossible to avoid a torrent of predictable think pieces, the fact is any sensible Australian can see there'd be a lot more festive harmony if we switched the date of our national day.

Australia Day graffiti in Newtown, Sydney ( Flickr: Newtown Graffiti )

The obvious candidate for a new Australia Day is the date we actually became a nation.

Unfortunately, the incredibly short-sighted group of bearded men who don't really deserve the appellation "founding fathers" decided to inaugurate Federation on January 1st, 1901, and the 1st of January is, frankly, a bloody awful date for a national day.

Nobody would even be up until noon, and all the special patriotic events would be punctuated by groans and Berocca.

Fortunately, Australian history is full of other great moments, totally disconnected from either invasion or New Year's, whose anniversaries will serve beautifully for a new Australia Day.

1. February 1

It was in 1981, exactly one month after the 80th anniversary of Federation, that Australia made one of its most emphatic statements of national identity at the Melbourne Cricket Ground.

The iconic Melbourne Cricket Ground (MCG). ( Giulio Saggin, file photo: ABC News )

Australian skipper Greg Chappell, cognisant of the damage to national pride that would result from having to play an extra one-day international in the Benson and Hedges World Series Cup finals, instructed his brother Trevor to bowl the final ball underarm to prevent a tie.

Thus, he maintained his country's self-esteem and dealing a devastating blow to the happiness of New Zealanders everywhere.

What could be a more fitting day to embrace our own Australianness than the anniversary of the day we unsportingly stuck one right up the Kiwis?

It not only gives our national commitment to sport its proper place on the calendar, it combines the two major components of the Australian psyche: winning, and hating New Zealand.

The commemoration of Underarm Day every year could make future summers sing with refreshing triumphalism.

2. October 5

On the 5th of October, 1974, an up-and-coming blues-rock band played its first gig with a new singer, at the Brighton-Le-Sands Masonic Hall.

The singer was Bon Scott, the band was AC/DC, and the gig represented the dawn of a new era for Australian music, Australian culture, and Australian drinking.

Australia Day could hardly do better than moving to Acca Dacca Day. ( AAP: Powerhouse Museum/Evans Gudinski and Associates )

The coming together of the twin cyclones of Bon's hedonistic howl and the Young brothers' fearsome guitar attack — and also, of course, the other guys, I suppose — resulted in a perfect storm that swept the world and put to bed permanently any lingering doubt that Australia was incapable of producing big-selling hard rock acts, a question mark that had been hanging over us since colonial days.

It's one thing to commemorate the day your country was founded: it's next-level to mark the day your country started to rock.

Australia Day could hardly do better than moving to Acca Dacca Day.

3. February 12

Australia is a land of great contrasts and fascinating complexities, but if you had to define it in simple terms, you could do it thus: We rip stuff out of the ground and wildly exaggerate our achievements.

So why not make our national day the 12th of February?

It was on this date in 1851 when one of history's greatest bullshit artists, Edward Hargraves, stumbled on five specks of gold in Lewis Ponds Creek, an objectively pathetic discovery that Hargraves managed to spin into a lucrative career as the father of the gold rush.

The prosperity that the gold rush brought led to a great leap forward in Australian society: from the explosion in population, to the expansion of the cities, to the advent of multiculturalism, to the advent of racists who hated multiculturalism. So much of what we take for granted today began with one brave man's quest to become rich without doing very much work.

We could do worse than remember it annually on Hargraves Day.

4. November 11

Some might protest that November 11 is already Remembrance Day but let's be honest, in this country, Remembrance Day is the poor cousin of Anzac Day, and could do with a bit of pepping up anyway.

In Australian terms, the more important aspect of the date is that it's the day Ned Kelly was hanged in 1880.

Iconic Aussie bushranger Ned Kelly was hanged on November 11, 1880. ( flickr: Duncan Cunningham-Reid )

Making it our national day would emphasise that uniquely Australian love of law and order, and our detestation of the criminal element, that sets us apart from the world.

As it happens, November 11 is also the date Gough Whitlam was dismissed, so we can celebrate our hatred of fiscal irresponsibility at the same time.

5. December 10

Australians love to commemorate military operations, but one of our most momentous has long been ignored.

The Great Emu War was the 20th century's greatest illustration of this continent's enduring truth: man may challenge the land, but he will never defeat it.

Emu Day would be fun and unsettling, like all good holidays. ( Flickr: The b@t )

It was on December 10 that Major GPW Meredith was recalled from the West Australian battlefront, having failed to make significant inroads into the emu population of the Campion district.

The magnificent feathery beasts proved far harder to kill than anyone could reasonably have expected. By making our national day a commemoration of man's submission to flightless bird, we would honour all of our natural environment's dominion over us: from severe sunburn to spiders on the dashboard.

Emu Day: fun and unsettling, like all good holidays.

6. June 13

One thing that is central to the ideals of democratic freedom on which our nation was founded is the right to protest.

And one thing that is central to the lives of the people which our nation has produced is reality television. Making Australia Day June 13 would be a spectacular affirmation of both of these, while also celebrating our patriotic love of public awkwardness.

Placing Australia Day in June would infuse our annual celebration with the spirit of rebellion, justice, bad spelling and ratings. ( Network Ten: Big Brother 2004 )

It was on this date in 2004 that Big Brother housemate Merlin Luck emerged from the house with gaffer tape over his mouth and a sign reading "FREE TH REFUGEES", turning what was supposed to be a pleasantly awful Q&A with host Gretel Killeen into a half-excruciating, half-exhilarating few minutes of nervily silent protest against the government's asylum seeker policies.

Placing Australia Day in June would infuse our yearly celebrations with the spirit of rebellion, justice, courage, bad spelling, and ratings.

Isn't that what it's supposed to be all about? Plus, we could call it Merlin Day, which is worth it in itself.

7. April 10

As one of the world's greatest cinematic pioneers, Australia deserves a day that celebrates its contribution to the film world.

We could make Australia Day a commemoration of the world's first feature-length movie, The Story of the Kelly Gang, but as that was released on Boxing Day in 1906, the date does share January 1st's potential for clashing.

And anyway, there's a more fitting candidate: April 10, 1997 was the day the most Australian movie ever made was unleashed, changing the way we think and talk and quote one-liners forever.

how better to sum up the heart and soul of Australia than, "It's Mabo ... it's the vibe"? ( Supplied: Village Roadshow )

It was The Castle, and no movie has better demonstrated our ability to make outstanding art while simultaneously illuminating the fighting spirit and unassuming decency at the heart of what we would all dearly love to believe is our national character.

A man's home is his castle, and Australia is our home, and The Castle shows us, if not at our best, then at least what we reckon should be our best.

Castle Day: what better occasion to show how we love our home, our families, and our neighbours, but sort of hate our government?

And how better to sum up the heart and soul of Australia than, "It's Mabo … it's the vibe"?