A starry-eyed young lad like many of my peers, I often dreamed of the almost tangible hi-tech spacefaring future oft-touted in the fictional literature of my childhood.

In that future, things would be different. Things would be easier. Robots would do all the work. Computers would think for us. We’d live in space and float freely without a care.

We wouldn’t even have to do our homework!

Oh, the innocence of youth…

(sigh)

Of course things turned out somewhat differently than expected. We lost our passion for space, but we gained the Internet. Flying cars and floating cities hit the backburner, but we have pocket-sized computers that make the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy seem a mere toy. As much as we escapists hoped it would happen, virtual reality never really quite took off.

But maybe that will change now that we have Teledildonics.

Wait… What?

That’s right. You heard me.

Teledildonics.

WTF?

For those unaware, the term “Teledildonics” was coined in 1975 by Ted Nelson.

That’s right, the same guy who coined “Hypertext” and “Hypermedia”, terms which underpin the very fabric of the Internet, also came up with “Teledildonics”.

Coming from such a visionary, that’s a hard thing to ignore.

Though the etymology of the word “Dildo” is unclear, anyone with a technological bent or an interest in Latin knows that “Tele” means “Distant.” So it’s not much of a stretch (pun not intended) to discern the meaning of Teledildonics.

It’s basically sex-at-a-distance.

How does it work?

At its most fundamental, the term encompasses devices designed to accommodate the sexual needs of men and women, both to stimulate a remote partner and receive reciprocal input in a variety of ways, with the input to the stimulating device controlled by another person.

Early attempts were crude but effective — hydraulic pistons, lubricated belts and simple controls for speed and vigour.

Step 1. Buy lawnmower…

Flash forward to more modern technology where it’s now becoming possible for the slightest touches to be transmitted almost instantly anywhere in the world. It gives a whole new definition to the term “lag”, and the sense of a human presence is stronger than ever before.

Strap on a VR headset and you’re almost there.

At first glance one could write off these developments as the mere playthings of sad lonely perverts seeking a cheap thrill in their otherwise sad and socially impoverished lives. Indeed that’s the reaction of most people when first exposed to the concept, and I don’t doubt that a small portion of the target demographic fits within these bounds.

However beyond this, the realms of possibility that Teledildonics on the modern Internet opens up are startling.

One can already imagine a cornucopia of weird and wondrous configurations, givers and receivers networked in a variety of fashions, one-on-one, daisy chained or in parallel. Broadcast intercourse. You could join global leaderboards of sexual practitioners rated by prowess in their areas of expertise. A new angle could be added to online dating. The pre-date “preview” experience could determine your chances of actual human contact with a potential mate. Anonymous interaction will be available at one of humanity’s most intimate levels which reaches beyond the confines of race, color, gender and language.

Admittedly, like everything in tech it could be a passing fad, but whenever sex is involved there’s a good chance that it will be the multi-billion dollar industry of the future, perhaps even democratising sex-at-a-distance and seriously challenging the giants of pornography with huge opportunities for disruptive capitalism. We’ve already reached a point in history where virtual reality porn has its own parody videos:

So let’s explore.

Are you Tele-sexual?

Pornography was by far the biggest source of traffic consumption on the internet, surpassed only very recently by social networking.

From the dark corners of the early web, thousands of niche providers rose to suit every taste and fetish, arguably mostly harmless and consensual (for the most part). Arguably, that is, if the conjunction of borderline poverty with offerings of cash could be considered to be informed and free consent. Some of these early adopters rose to become business giants, serving the “needs” of the world’s sexually impoverished on a daily basis.

Now with virtual reality experiencing a second renaissance, it’s not difficult to imagine a horde of consumers eager to experience the next generation of self-gratification.

Imagine, in the comfort of your own recliner, being pleasured by the most beautiful person you could imagine, their hair caressing your shoulders as they kiss your neck, their hands working their magic in pleasant and arousing ways, responding directly to your movements and voice because thanks to VR and Teledildonics you’re there with them, virtually in the same room together.

Beyond Virtual Reality, Imagine being in a surreal fantasy scene with visuals and sensations never before felt by humankind. Virtual Unreality.

Who would ever dare venture a relationship in-person again, with all the personal emotional risk that entails?