Mainee Genre: Drama | By Andre Trantraal Image: Chloe Cushman Logline: A show about a bright black girl growing up in a township during apartheid. Based on my mother's unpublished memoirs. It's like: I cannot think of a modern TV show that it would resemble, which I think can be a good thing. I can, however, add that it should not resemble Roots, in any way, or anything by Spike Lee. Pitch: A clever and resilient young black girl, Mainee (short for Charmaine) grows up under the bleakest of circumstances. Her father is an emotionally abusive alcoholic, and there are the dehumanizing laws of apartheid, and the unrelenting poverty that flows from it, to contend with. Her family is not the most politically engaged or educated, and her mother clings to religion as a means of coping. The story is a kind of people's history of South Africa – the focus is on the ordinary people who suffered through apartheid, not the political leaders whose stories have been told a thousand times. The setting is a nightmarish and almost surreal place – Bishop Lavis, a township on the Cape Flats. The dialogue would be in Kaaps, the Afrikaans variant that so-called “colored people” from the Cape Flats speak. The first six episode story arc would focus on the death of Mainee's grandmother, who was a stabilizing influence in her life, as well as on her father's first and only attempt to give up the bottle. Quote: KLEIN WIT MEISIE: "Kan julle nie lees nie? Dit se Slegs Blankes." MAINEE: "Ja, net Blankes en varke." Translated: LITTLE WHITE GIRL: "Can't you read? It says Europeans Only." MAINEE: "Yes, only Europeans and pigs." What the experts say: Palladino: I love this idea. Therefore, you’re doomed.





Heritage: If a period series about a clever girl growing up under horrible personal circumstances in an Apartheid-era township was done right, it would win every single award going. Then again, if it wasn't completely perfect, there's a risk that it'd tip over into self-parodic misery porn. It's hard to tell which would be the case from this pitch. The setting and premise sound powerful and evocative enough, but the characters – at least here – seem slightly one-dimensional. You're trying to create a world with this show, and worlds need to be full of people who are vibrant and complex and emotionally rich. Get that bit right and the world is your oyster. Johnson: Clearly, it's a story that needs to be told. And personally, I love that it would largely be through the eyes of a young girl. That said, its scope and the specificity of the story feel very much like a feature film. If it were to be a series, then it’d be good know what the endgame is here. What is the five season arc in very broad strokes. Perhaps the biggest challenge is the language issue in terms of international appeal. Are you thinking subtitles? There’s a fair amount of production in South Africa these days and it would be a fascinating world to look into, but what do each of the episodes look like? A day in the life sort of thing? And are you anchoring the show to history in any sort of timetable way? Andries: This is challenging material for any TV series, even within cable's broader creative freedom. I'm all for a series set in apartheid-era South Africa. A young back girl's point of view is a smart choice. But I'd need to know her age. If she's seven, it's a wholly different series than if she's 17. Two other points underscore the challenge ahead. All of commercial TV is a broadcast medium. It can't only play to art house-sized audiences. A series subtitled from Kaaps makes for a very hard sell, and equally hard to sustain watching. And it's unrelentingly grim. That makes it difficult to assign it as appointment television on a weekly basis. But the solution is buried in the first sentence of the pitch. I'd reframe the idea, but highlight Mainee's cleverness and resilience in the face of her hardships. Giving the audience even a morsel of hope is a powerful tool.

The Bible, II Genre: Comedy | By David Milligan-Croft Image: Chloe Cushman Logline: God comes back to Earth for a bit of weed – only to discover what a mess humans have made of the place. It's time to put things straight. But sorting out the human race isn't as easy as it looks. It's like: The gritty, down-to-earth comedy of Shameless meets the surreal world of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Pitch: God is a disheveled, hedonistic, naive, wanderer who returns to Earth, with his sidekick, Archangel Gabriel, for a bit of ganja. Unbeknownst to him, the cheese sandwich he left behind a few millennia previously has evolved into the human race who've transformed his garden of paradise into a veritable shithole. And he's not happy about it one little bit. God decides to take whoever is in charge to task – in this case – the Prime Minister of Britain. But, for every problem he solves, he seems to create another one. On the run from the government, God is ably assisted by the former secretary to the PM, the sophisticated and savvy, Sophie Chalmers. They embark on a whirlwind tour of the world's problems, discovering just what it means to be human. Quote: On being told drugs are illegal and highly addictive by a bartender... GOD: "Not half as fucking addictive as oxygen, mate. What if I made that illegal?" What the experts say: Palladino: Uhhh. Why does God need to find out what it is to be human? He's God. And why is God an idiot? Would an idiot really be able to be God? Why am I looking for any sort of reality in this? Because if there isn't any, even with the weirdest shows, they don't work. Heritage: I love this idea. It's bold and inventive and a million miles away from the majority of humdrum workaday sitcoms. I really want to see it get made. But with a couple of tweaks … A couple of lines in the pitch – "a whirlwind tour of the world's problems" and the monologue about how to stop the war – make me think that the writer might suffer from a bad case of the Sorkins. Whoever came up with this, I'm worried that they want to treat the show as a manifesto for how they'd like to fix the world. They transparently see themselves as the voice of God, which is sort of icky. But if God was written as more of a dick – more fallible and stupid and confused about the mess he’s made – it'd have so much more potential. Also, I can’t think of anything more depressing than a God who can quote comparethemarket.com adverts, but that's beside the point. Johnson: Love the irreverence of this pitch and the world. Needless to say, it's a political can of worms, as a lot of believers would truly bristle at this depiction. And it would take a mighty brave studio/network president to get behind this sort of polarizing concept. That said, the pitch itself is quite entertaining. I’d watch this but I’m probably not representative of the largest markets. A Netflix-type situation might be for this as a series. What’s missing, however, is what God wants. Is it something that he ultimately can’t have? A girlfriend? For me the largest problem here as a writer is working through the logic problems in terms of God's powers versus the government's. Andries: This pitch is a challenge. There's no middle ground here. The premise is so out there that's it's either a really good idea or a highly problematic one. I lean toward "good idea" with one big proviso: the pitch desperately needs to be on solid footing with its tone. God as a hedonistic ganja-seeking wanderer is a premise with little margin for error. It would help to give a reference point for the type of creative eye the writer envisions. For example: "Imagine if Quentin Tarantino, Monty Python or fill-in-the-blank created a half hour comedy." If I were a network executive, my strong recommendation would be to re-pitch the idea as an animated comedy. That format allows for more outrageous, over-the-top storytelling than the literalness of filmed comedy.

Lights Out Genre: Drama | By David Rocchio Image: Chloe Cushman Logline: Lights Out is about a small community waking up one day to find last night's brilliant aurora borealis didn’t just cause a power outage; it has wiped out electricity. The show is not about the failure of society, but tells the story of how this mountain town rises to the challenge of being thrown into the past. It's like: Northern Exposure crashing into a utopian version of Lost. Pitch: Bill Wilkens loves chairing the selectboard in his ancestral home – a mountain farm town deep in the wild west. On a lovely June day Bill is going about his business helping to make sure a difficult selectboard meeting will go as well as possible when the universe throws earth a curveball – a solar flare has somehow not only made the lights go out; it has somehow killed the ability to make electricity. Bill leads the town as it must confront, understand and cope with being thrown essentially into the Middle Ages. Quote: Clock ticks. BILL WILKENS: "Make sure you keep that clock wound. We want to know what time it is." What the experts say: Palladino: This show is already on. It’s called Revolution.





Heritage: Now we're talking. This is exactly the sort of high-concept, big-scale drama that I go crazy for. I would watch the hell out of this. The first episode, where the town is plunged into darkness and nobody knows why. The rest of the first season, where the community fractures and reforms in the face of adversity, while more questions are asked than answered about the cause of the blackout. The second season, where the writers spin their wheels because this was obviously a one-season premise but the network demanded more episodes. The final episode, where it's revealed that they were actually all dead all along. I'd watch the lot. I'm joking. What I like most about Lights Out is that it avoids the pitfalls of other high-concept shows. It has a big idea that imitates Lost or Alcatraz or (ugh) Under The Dome, but it seems quite content to not solve anything. The blackout was caused by a solar flare, and it is permanent. Without an overriding mystery, we’re left with the possibility of a fantastic ensemble piece. It sounds like FlashForward, but it’s secretly Mad Men. What could be better than that? Johnson: This is a high concept, but there needs to be a twist beyond the initial lights-out premise. The NBC show Revolution has a similar jumping-off point, but after the electricity goes out, we have a character who knows the secret behind why it happened and we have a villain trying to get that secret. Even if you don't want your show to be that high stakes, there still needs to be a twist to bring people back week after week. If this is a character-based piece like Northern Exposure then you need to pitch the characters as the central part of your piece. Andries: I was rooting for this pitch from the start. Any premise that references Northern Exposure has a place in my heart. The logline is clear and tees up a delightful slice of life layered with a paranormal element. But then logistical issues dilutes the pitch. The aurora borealis wouldn't be visible from a town in the wild west (unless you made that unlikely occurrence a story point). A town without electricity wouldn't be thrown back to the Middle Ages – at worst, they'd revert to the mid 19th century. A way to recuse the premise: after the blackout, the townsfolk realize the larger world is likely descending into chaos. They make the proactive choice not to freak out about the lack of electricity. In fact, they embrace it. But then a young city slicker enters the town and disrupts their retro world.

Cassidy Cargo Genre: Action/Drama | By Marilyn Casselman Image: Chloe Cushman Logline:A woman takes over her husband's cargo airline when he dies and faces opposition from family, the macho aviation business and a syndicate bent on stealing the company for criminal activities. It's like: A Good Wife from the midwest morphs into a flying ace heroine to rival Harm Rabb of JAG. Pitch: Lara Larson Cassidy is widowed and inherits an air cargo company in and around the Great Lakes. Inexperienced and unprepared, she takes on the company and faces opposition from family, employees and the business community. She’s over her head – every load brings a different set of problems that require their own solutions. Meanwhile, a crime syndicate is attempting to gain control of the company for nefarious purposes. As pressure increases, she turns her experience as a former beauty queen and trophy wife to becoming a midwestern legend, mother and social organizer into her own kind of operating system. She handles the business with fairness and practicality. The syndicate threatens and meddles and there are signs of criminal activity and social deterioration popping up in the area. She must not only protect her own business and family, but she and her friends pledge to keep their community intact. No old-boys tactics for them: they're canny, unpredictable, unsporting and uncompromising. And they know that nobody is going to solve the problems but themselves. Quote: HALLIE (14-year old daughter): "Why do you have to go? I don't want you to go." LARA: "Because he's my husband. Because he's your father. Because the men who were supposed to go down and get him went on a major drunk last night and they're grounded." CHARLIE (14-year old son): "Why can't we go with you?" LARA: "I need you to stay here and clean up the yard for the memorial service. Now go over to the shed and take out whatever you'll need. Steve will be here to help you. I'll be back for dinner." Lara gives them both a hug LARA: "Bye. Now get on with it. I don't want them sitting around brooding. What the experts say: Palladino: Finally. A show to take on the macho aviation business. OK, my snark level is high now, and I have no idea how sexist the aviation business is, but this pitch feels like it's from the 1950s. In the age of Walter White and Tony Soprano I am sick to death of seeing women getting the parts with zero depth, zero layers or complexity. Really? The things that define her are that she used to be a beauty queen and trophy wife who uses her experiences to run a business with fairness and practicality? What the fuck does that mean? When terms like "trophy wife" and "beauty queen" are thrown around they are usually not meant as compliments. So, fine. Is she a dumb bimbo who inherits a company and uses her bimbo-ness to make her successful? Does she fuck guys to get her jet fuel for 30% off? Is she a woman who was a bimbo and now has to un-bimbo to make something of this company? Why do you need the mafia since it doesn't seem to affect our lead bimbo at all? I think this is a mess. And worse than that, it's dull. That being said, you'll probably get 22 on the air in the room. In the immortal words of Mark Brazill: "See you at the upfronts, bitch." Heritage: This feels a little dated to me. If this was 1986, I'd commission this in a second. You've got it all – a beautiful, smart, headstrong female lead with an adorable child who can fly planes and has apparently zero character flaws whatsoever. Throw in a big, brassy Magnum PI theme tune and a title sequence where she takes off a pilot helmet and shakes her hair in slow motion and this would be a ratings smash. Now, though, viewers expect more. Perhaps if you muddied the waters by making Lara a little less brilliant and a little more complicated, there'd be more for contemporary audiences to latch on to. Johnson: You have a strong main character and a good sensibility about her arc and what she wants. The obstacles are specific and we know who her allies are. There is also a fun "girl power" aspect tonally. You could be more clear in what your main character does to avert the syndicate. It sounds like she is becoming a crime fighter in addition to running the business – what does that look like? Is she an ace pilot / action hero? If that’s the case, that should be at the top of your pitch because that is your hook. Andries: Network executives often tell me they know whether they want to buy a pitch within the first 90 seconds of hearing it. Feel the same way about this one. I can see the series: pluck woman, her cross section of life staff, the high stakes, race against time flights … The pitch does good job in explaining where the conflicts come from, both internal and external. The crime syndicate villain might be a bit off-the-rack storytelling but it serves a strong launch into the series. I'd limit the scope of the series to maintaining business and the romance/danger of flight and leave the community organizing angle side. There's always a danger a series trying to tell too many stories. But as a network show, it would be a worthy contender.

The Chinese Genre: Comedy | By Jeff Darling Image: Chloe Cushman Logline: Based on the real-life experience of a white British 17-year-old working in an utterly dysfunctional (but likeable) family-owned Chinese restaurant in the US. Family rows, language barriers, culture clashes, waitresses high on drugs, health inspections, unhappy customers, Asian pornography. It's like: Comedy style similar to The Inbetweeners, crossed with the slightly more intimate feel of Peep Show. Coupled with just a bit of the awkwardness familiar to Alan Partridge and The Office. Pitch: The restaurant is owned by an elderly Chinese mother and her three grown-up children – all of whom have their own ideas how the place should be run. The main character – the British teenager – starts out as a dishwasher (working after school), but is promoted to cook after the main cook storms out in the middle of his shift. From there he has to deal with: repeating words and phrases for customers and staff “because it sounds neat", learning to cook Chinese food from an old man who speaks only a few words of English, an older waitress who eats leftovers and tells intense, bizarre and wholly unbelievable stories, another slightly scary waitress who is often sent home because she is too high to function, and an oddly apologetic boss (the eldest son) who, in between doing an online university course in Film Direction, sometimes takes uneaten food from dirty plates and secretly puts it back out on the buffet. All likeable characters in their own strange way. Quote: "That's fuck… What? Really? Are you sure that's even legal? Well, try and, sort of … I dunno … scrape some of it off first?" What the experts say: Palladino: First of all, just saying "they are all likeable in their own way" does not make it so. There has to be something in their character description or story pitch that makes you understand that. I see something like this and I automatically think "oy". Because usually, when these types of shows are produced, they tend to be nothing but cheap stereotypical Chinese jokes that elicit a giant yawn and a picket line if you're lucky. Doesn't mean it can't work, just means the writing has to stellar. If it's insult humor, it had better be so damn funny that you don't care it's offensive. If it's not meant to be offensive, then I would refine the pitch because it really seems like all your humor will at the expense of the Chinese family. Heritage: People always think that their workplace would make a good sitcom, and they’re almost always wrong. This pitch falls prey to some of the most common problems – the main character is basically a blank slate who simply reacts to things, for instance, and there’s a sense that you’ll run out of good stories once the initial well of your own experiences runs dry – but the large ensemble cast should mask this, at least temporarily. Also, all the characters you mention sound awful, so the fact that you want to make them all likeable is a worry. If this became a show, everyone would clearly need to end up functioning as a weird codependent kind of quasi-family, and that’d probably be enough to get viewers on side. The more grotesque and self-serving everyone is – including the main character – the better. Johnson: Certainly a unique world, but it definitely would walk a fine line in terms of straddling any sort of political correctness. I think the key here would be to flip the notion of stereotypes on its ear by creating compelling individuals – many of whom happen to be Chinese. Might be interesting to populate the world with other Asians, too, and call out the way the western world tends to see lump them all together despite vastly different cultures. You do have some interesting, not-typically-seen characters here. I can’t recall a show set in a restaurant in recent memory and the truth of that behind the scenes world is no doubt rich with story. That said, the lead needs more definition and some goal, otherwise it feels very much like he’s a tourist in a foreign land. Do these characters become his family because his own family is estranged, etc. Andries: Television creators are always looking for new worlds (also called "arenas") in which to set stories. The day-to-day of a Chinese restaurant is a good arena. However, a well structured series is told from the lead character's point of view of the world. The pitch establishes the white British 17-year-old is the lead. However, after that, the remainder of the pitch about the other characters. Let's call the lead Henry. The pitch should be all about Henry – his journey, his reactions to the other characters, what makes him funny and worth watching. The dysfunctional but loveable secondary characters may be delightful and potentially funny side dishes but the lead character is the main course. Unfortunately, the main course wasn't delivered within the pitch.

Endless Bummer Genre: Comedy | By James Lynott Image: Chloe Cushman Logline: Why be flat broke in freezing Chicago or expensive New York, when you can be flat broke in sunny Florida? Two beach-bum slackers join forces to lie and cheat their way into a shoestring existence, while endeavoring to fly under the radar of an uptight beach community and over-zealous cops. It's like: The Big Lebowski meets Minder. Pitch: The economic crisis has derailed Andrew’s life: his gym business has gone bust, and his home has been repossessed. With no money, and no place to live, he decides he'd rather get baked to death in Florida than freeze to death in New York. In the closely knit beach resort of Clear View, Andrew meets Sonny, a small time conman and womanizing zen master, who always has a few dollars and a lie up his sleeve, They quickly form a co-dependent friendship: Andrew becomes a useful security guard to Sonny while Sonny teaches Andrew how to really live the American dream. Quote: "Why reach for the stars, when the sun is so much closer?" What the experts say: Palladino: Who are you supposed to like here? It reads like a loser stoner meets a grifter and they become friends. Which kind of feels like they are going to be similar attitudes and have similar stories, which feels incredibly one-note. Heritage: This story has been told a million times before, especially on British TV. It's Minder, it's Only Fools and Horses, it's Steptoe and Son. The good news is that these are three of the most popular comedies ever, so at least you're ripping off an idea that people actually like. Plus you couldn't have pitched this at a better time. Shows like Here Comes Honey Boo Boo are inexplicably popular at the moment, and Endless Bummer sounds like it might be able to capitalise on that same low-rent, self-entrepreneurial spirit. The financial crisis is the perfect catalyst for the series, too. The zen master already sounds fully formed. Work out how to make the other guy compliment and contrast with him, and there's no reason why this wouldn't make a nice little show. Johnson: I like the concept of logic of characters with no money or prospects choosing warmth over cold, but I'm not sure what the series is here. What do the beach bums ultimately want for themselves? And what makes us want to tune in week after week? I think whatever past they're escaping (or people) needs to be a factor here after all, it’s never just a matter of running away to some place, it's what you're running from as well. What do each of these guys ultimately want for themselves? In terms of where a show like this could live, I'd say it has American Broadcast Network written all over it. But it needs more of a hook and more character development. Andries: The premise is simple to understand, which is a good thing. It's easy to visualize the poster. However, the simplicity is also the liability. Sonny and Andrew need a bigger and more defined adversity than the generic "overzealous cops". To make a buyer feel this is series, giving Andrew a challenging, long term meta-goal to achieve – like having to hide in Clear View without discovery until the statute of limitations on his crime runs out – lends itself to a premise that will take multiple seasons to resolve. Having Sonny and Andrew befriend or befriended by an local main character fleshes out the story world and provides additional avenues to mine story.

Flight Genre: Comedy | By Adam Morgan Image: Chloe Cushman Logline: A naive young woman flees her small, southern hometown to become a flight attendant in Chicago. It's like: The candid, workplace humor of The Office set in the stressful, claustrophobic world of the airline industry. Pitch: Alma Parker trades in her predictable life in North Carolina for what she hopes will be a glamorous job in the big city. But within hours of her arrival – after a homeless woman tries to steal her bra – Alma's inebriated pilot lands her very first flight in the wrong Las Vegas. Their only passengers? An elderly couple looking to celebrate their 50th anniversary at a casino. Instead of admitting the truth, Alma and her crew spend the next 12 hours lying to the old timers as they attempt to simulate a Vegas-like experience in the small town of Las Vegas, Minnesota. Quote: "I came here because I wanted to see the world, find myself, that sort of thing. Which really sounds like a Judy Blume novel when I say it out loud." What the experts say: Palladino: After 12 hours of lying to an old stupid couple, what is the show?



Heritage: You've pitched three different shows here. There's one where a woman heads to the big city to follow her dreams. Another is the drab workplace, Office-style sitcom. The third is the madcap cartoon about an entire flight crew who go fully insane and respond to a minor logistical snafu by spending an entire weekend and (presumably) thousands of dollars desperately trying to recreate the gambling capital of the world in small-town Minnesota when it would have been much easier and sensible to just apologise and issue a refund. Individually, these shows could be great. All together, though, it's a mess. Try and work out what you want the series to actually be. Johnson: What happens in episode two? That's the question anyone who's creating a series for television needs to ask themselves. To be honest, the premise here feels a bit more like a feature film than a series. If it were to be a series, then it needs more character development and a weekly cast of characters. Since the main character flees her small town but it would be helpful to know why, as that would surely have an impact on her continuing need to stay away from it. Practically speaking, a airplane set is a pretty claustrophobic place to film and set a world in. And if she travels the country on a weekly basis, what does that look like and how does it impact her? Does it make home look more appealing or less? Andries: It's often thought networks are looking to buy pilots. They're actuality in the business of buying series. This pitch doesn't tell the reader what the series is. There's no way of foreseeing what episode 34 will be, or what elements described in the pitch can get the premise there. Also, the description of the pilot story is unnecessarily confusing. Is Alma a flight attendant when the series begins? We're lead to believe that since her first flight lands her in Minnesota, not Las Vegas within hours of her arrival. Faking Vegas for the old timers benefit may be fun but that doesn't tell the reader where Alma and the series goes from there. I'm assuming the series' home base will be Chicago with Alma and her fellow flight attendants sharing a living space but I can only assume. The pitch makes the reader do the work.

Rainbow 126 Genre: Drama with musical interludes | By CJ Clark Image: Chloe Cushman Logline: Live musical comedy theater is a popular form of entertainment in contemporary Vietnam. This show would focus on one such venue, an open-air theatre in central Saigon called Rainbow 126 and the challenges its manager faces operating the business in the highly political and corrupt atmosphere that exists in that country today. It's like: A sort of southeast Asian version of Stage Door. Pitch:The show would be in English, but all the actors would be Vietnamese who speak English as a first or second language. The majority of the music, however, would be in the original Vietnamese. The main character is the theater manager, a 37-year-old divorcee with one teenage daughter. Other characters are the theater owner, a 60-year-old woman with political connections, and her 65-year-old brother (both fought for the winning communist side in the war and were subsequently awarded the theater and land in the center of Saigon). Quote: "I don't care if we’re not rich. We’ll be together through the joy of the good times and the sorrow of the bad." What the experts say: Palladino: I think this is a really interesting idea and venue. But, again, the characters are not people yet. Who are they? How do they relate to one another? What conflicts are going to drive the stories? Pitch is too general and a YouTube clip will not be enough to explain it. However, put a female forensic scientist in the middle of it, add a procedural element, get rid of the singing and dancing and you're on Fridays at 9pm on TNT. Heritage: The phrase "drama with musical interludes" pretty much makes me want to crawl into my computer and slap your face. Didn't you see Smash? Didn't you see Cop Rock? Or Glee? The fact that you're dabbling in the very worst television genre ever created immediately puts you on the back foot. Luckily, setting it in contemporary Vietnam is your saving grace. Done right, it could end up being the sort of full-scale sensory assault that temporarily made Slumdog Millionaire such a big deal. And if it helps shake off the weird 50-year-old connotations of the region that exist to this day, all the better. It doesn’t sound like it'd ever be a ratings juggernaut, but it should be niche enough to pick up a devoted following, at least. That said, I really, really wouldn't like to be the person who foots the bill on this. Johnson: Big. Both in content and in its production needs. It's a fascinating world, one that interests me personally. But while it could appeal to a vast international market, it might have a tough time finding support in western broadcast. In terms of series, think you need to more fully flesh out who the show's central character is – what she wants and how she hopes to accomplish it. Also, define a few of the important supporting characters and how they intersect with your lead. What you don’t want to do is overwhelm a studio by mentioning a cast of dozens. Given the uniqueness of this world, it might be worth the corruption and politics it must navigate – selling its high stakes. Is the show more light-hearted or is there a dark underside to it all? If it’s a premise pilot, maybe a game-changing opening episode can catapult the audience into this world. Andries: If I may be blunt, this isn't a pitch. It's a description of a setting and a list of characters. The logline promises the challenges the music venue's manager faces operating the business in the corrupt Vietnam – but the body of the pitch doesn't deliver. It's not enough to toss off the most element of a pitch with a single sentence. Though the setting is unique (perhaps too much so) for television, I need to know some key pieces – specifically who the theatre manager is, what's his goal, what are this challenges, who is his adversary, who are his allies, what further obstacles will he face along the way into series. Without those elements, it's difficult to measure the show's merits.

The Big Dig Genre: Action/Drama | By Lauren Herstik Image: Chloe Cushman Logline: Dinosaur bone smuggler Nick Cooley loses a million-dollar T-rex. After a chance encounter in the swamp, Nick gets entangled with a local drug cartel, all under the not-so-watchful eye of the customs agent across the street. It's like: Weeds meets Breaking Bad with a touch of the suburban ennui that flavored The OC. Pitch: Nick Cooley is south Florida's own Indiana Jones, but with a mortgage, two kids, and a wife with increasingly refined taste; the suburbs are sucking the life out of him. When customs starts cracking down on smuggling through the Tampa port, Nick enlists the help of a local swamp baron to ferry his contraband out of the line of sight. A chance encounter has these two boneheads doing favors for a small time cocaine ring, all right under the neighbors' noses. And these neighbors aren't just nosy, one of them heads Homeland Security Investigations Unit at the port. Nick walks a tightrope act: world's best dad by day, bone smuggling danny ocean by night. Quote: "International shipping routes: I'd say to move real quantity, you're looking at a basic Pablo Escobar. At least a couple of Space Jams. Then you'll need a Girl from Ipanema, and with the business you’re looking to do, one hell of a Carmen Miranda." What the experts say: Palladino: Don't feel much about this either way except if I ever read the words "Breaking Bad" in the same paragraph with "The OC" ever again I'll "Red Wedding" the entire continent. Heritage: Between Breaking Bad and The Americans, the whole idea of someone doing bad things under the nose of a law enforcement agent who they're ostensibly close to has become such a hoary old trope that I'd be inclined to avoid it completely. I can see why you've used it – without it, Nick just gets to swan about with a big bag of bones and no fear of reprisal – but it might be worth thinking up a more inventive way to add tension to the story. Also, I'm not sure I can ever forgive you for starting a pitch with the word "dinosaurs" and then not having any actual dinosaurs in it. Johnson: You have an interesting premise for a main character – Indiana Jones in suburban hell. However, his journey is a bit muddy. I am taking away that he is a smuggler who can't smuggle anymore so everything goes awry. But how does this complicate his suburban family life? What are his personal stakes? And in the end, what really matters to him? It's unclear. Is he still smuggling bones or is it drugs? Is he smuggling bones so that certain people don't get them, and he can donate the bones to a museum? Is he all about money? It's also unclear how we are to feel about the main character – is he a bonehead? Indiana Jones? Walter White? Who the character is impacts what the tone is. There is a good hook in this story, but it's not clear who the hero is, what he wants, and what the show’s tone is. Andries: Great care must be used when comparing your pitch to another work, because it colors everything a reader/buyer thinks about it afterward. This premise leans far closer to Weeds than Breaking Bad. The latter has high personal life-or-death stakes (cancer + meth + family survival). This pitch doesn't elevate Nick Cooley's plight to that level, nor does it hint that it's headed that way. As presented, Nick ferries smuggled bones merely as a hobby. That being said, as a half-hour, single camera comedy like Weeds, it succeeds. A local Indiana Jones and a swamp baron entwined with a low-rent cocaine ring portends moments of smart comedy with dramatic elements. The question will be, would the writer rework The Big Dig from an hour drama to a half hour comedy in order to make a sale?