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John Terry's racism trial - and, it goes without saying, racism itself - is no laughing matter.

But the way that straight-laced and serious sports and news reporters have Tweeted excerpts from the expletive-filled testimonies has led to some surreal and darkly comic moments.

Reading them has occasionally been akin to leafing through the script of a Guy Ritchie movie. Which got us thinking...

Here's 40 choice quotes, half of which are from the Terry trial, and half of which are from the oeuvre of the former Mr Madonna. Can you tell which is which? Answers at the bottom of the article.

1) "He didn't smell or anything but I pretended"

2) "You got a toothbrush?"

3) "You’ve been stitched up right and proper"

4) "The consequences can kiss my black ass"

5) "My mum loves scouse c*ck"

6) "It's the mother of all f*ck-ups"

7) "How can you call me a c*nt... you're the c*nt"

8) "An ugly c***? Look at yourself"

9) "He can't defend himself - he's got no head."

10) "He is cool, calm and collected when others are not"

11) "If the milk turns out to be sour, I ain't the kinda pussy to drink it"

12) "Don't be shy." "I'm not."

13) "F*cking knobhead"

14) "F*ckface, who's speaking to you?"

15) "You had crossed the line and you've regretted it ever since"

16) "Deadly kick for a fat f*cker"

17) "How many times did you call him a c*nt and he call you a c*nt?"

18) "I say 'f*ck off, f*ck off' to the pumping"

19) "You dirty bastard"

20) "You dippy bastard"

21) 'Geez is short for geezer, right?'

22) "I've had showers with you, man. You've seen my f*cking cock."

23) "I’m in the toilet, doing my hair"

24) "If I had something to hide I would have been thinking 'Shit ...'''

25) "When you dance with the devil, you wait for the song to stop."

26) "I know all your girlfriends, all of them."

27) "Oi you, shagging your mate's missus"

28) "What the f*ck are YOU doing here?"

29) "Get the rifle out. We're being f*cked!"

30) "You're not fat, you're a supreme athlete"

31) "The fatter you get, the sadder you get."

32) "I am rich. Seriously f*cking rich."

33) "If someone calls you a c*nt that's fine"

34) "You're a ruthless little c*nt"

35) "F*ck off, f*ck off"

36) "Bastard! You f*cking bastard!"

37) "He's accusing me of calling him a black c*nt in the altercation"

38) "Is this some white c*nt's joke that black c*nts don't get?"

39) "His life's very unstructured"

40) "It's been emotional"

Not easy, huh? Answers are beneath the picture...

Terry trial - nos 1, 3, 5, 7, 8, 10, 12, 13, 15, 17, 18, 21, 23, 24, 27, 30, 33, 35, 37, 39

Ritchie films - nos 2, 4, 6, 9, 11, 14, 16, 19, 20, 22, 25, 26, 28, 29, 31, 32, 34, 36, 38, 40