Do all Australians have the same right to express a public opinion without being harassed, abused and defamed? Unfortunately, I’ve learned the hard way that the answer to this question is no.

Practically every day, I receive directly targeted messages on social media and through abusive phone calls, letters and emails that attempt to push me out of the political conversation simply for being who I am – a brown, migrant, Muslim woman from a Pakistani background.

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As soon as I speak out publicly, it’s met with relentless abuse and hate. It’s immaterial what the topic is – cruelty to animals, public education, women’s rights – the criticism isn’t about policy, it always boils down to my race, gender, culture and religion. At the core of it is a belief that I don’t have the same right to voice my views on matters of concern as white people do.

This situation is not new to me. I’ve copped the lies about swearing in to parliament on the Qur’an, or supporting despicable practices like female genital mutilation and forced marriages. None of them true.

I’ve had my face photoshopped onto Isis flags. I’m now used to the tabloid media amplifying lies about me and other Muslims for clickbait. But the barrage of abuse is reaching fever pitch as the loud voices of hate want to drown out our voices. They want to silence me and others that look like me.

There are actual people behind every offensive comment. And I am only human

Over the years I’ve tried many different ways to deal with the vitriol, from ignoring it to reporting it and highlighting some of the worst examples, sometimes with a touch of humour. But when you dare publish the vile messages, there are always a few typical responses. Sometimes the rationale is laughable. One man sent me a sexually explicit abusive message with a signature from his church. When I brought it to his church’s attention, he sent me an apology saying he was upset because Turkey had invaded Greece – 400 years ago. But more often than not there is no remorse from the haters, just more abuse. The denial that their hostility has anything to do with racism is as immediate and unequivocal as it is obviously wrong.

There is an inexplicable assumption that I speak out on issues not because I believe in them, but to attract loathing so I can then play the victim. People have called my office to tell my staff I’m a drama queen. People accuse me of always making it about gender, race and colour – as if that’s not the constant subject of the abuse.

But most of all they want to grind me down. And sometimes it works.

The cries of “it’s just social media” and “ignore the trolls” just don’t ring true to me any more, even when they come from well-meaning allies. Social media is as real as the “real world”.

There are actual people behind every offensive comment. And I am only human. Their name calling, vicious insults and threats do hurt. It also hurts to hear good people unwittingly perpetuate the idea that I should stay silent because “responding only emboldens them”. The idea that people like me, who in some people’s eyes can’t be “real” Aussies, should just continue their work stoically and feign indifference to the volleys of abuse that come our way, denies us our agency to feel just like anyone else does.

But doing nothing causes harm. Exposing the messages and the messengers lays bare what so many of us experience more and more. It helps others to speak out. It helps build a community of supporters who make it harder for bullying behaviour to continue.

I’m not usually afraid to say what is right, but sometimes I’ve wanted to crawl into bed and not get up. I’ve thought of doing exactly what the haters want – shutting up. For the first time, I’ve seriously considered the question: Is it really worth it?

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But when I meet people in the community, particularly young women of colour, who tell me they couldn’t consider a career in public life because they see the abuse that this would open them up to, I know shutting up isn’t an option. Our parliaments already lack the gender and cultural diversity of our streets and suburbs. Giving in to the abusers will only make it worse.

Creating a more civil discourse is incumbent on everyone. Don’t turn a blind eye to racist and sexist abuse on social media; use your privilege to intervene. Join calls for social media platforms to take a far more active role in policing their platforms.

Ultimately, we need to dismantle the perception that the relative anonymity of the internet entitles people to get away with violent and abusive hate speech without consequences. Keeping an artificial divide between the virtual and the real only emboldens bad behaviour. We on the receiving end live in the real world, same as you.

• Mehreen Faruqi is Australian Greens senator for NSW