Yet another giant sigh.

He managed to do that with previous court dates, leaving out things like a judge flat out stating that she believed he had physically assaulted me during the last time we had sex,

When? When did this happen? When did any judge anywhere say this?

One of the biggest myths that needs to die is that your first response to being abused should be to go to the police



This is actually very bad advice and if you are a victim of domestic violence (and if you are able to do so safely) your first response should in fact be to go to the police. If you are not able to do so safely, then your first response should be to get yourself into a situation where you would be able to do so safely.

This cycle was so vicious that I even vacated the order myself once he appealed, hoping to make it end.



Actually her first response to the appeal was to get another order in a different state. Then once that one was denied she started this whole song and dance but I am running out of sighs.

It wasn’t about him fighting a powerful evil woman, or gaining his oh-so-crucial right to sic a mob on me, it’s always been about punishing me. It was about using it as a way to hurt me further, so when I gave him what he ostensibly wanted he actually *showed up to object to my motion to vacate the order and hand him a win*.

My defense attorney showed up to the hearing because that’s his job and I was with my girlfriend in New York at the time. And my appellate attorney went as well (for free) because he was curious and figured the proceedings might be relevant for the appeal. At no point whatsoever did anyone object to her motion to vacate. Actually, to my knowledge, at no point did anyone object to anything at all.

He gets paid,



Lol. No I don’t :(.

(he even brought a date to court once),



(It is, in fact, possible to just be friends with members of the opposite sex.)

You probably know that judges and juries can be biased and hold backward views and assumptions, given that you’re a human in 2016 reading this blog and have probably seen at least one news story about a cop getting away with murdering an unarmed black citizen without so much as a trial. You may have seen it in any reporting on how unlikely it is for rape survivors to see justice combined with how backward everyone is about talking about it. This is at least partly because the US has a very specific idea of who is worth protecting, doubly so when the person in question is being victimized while marginalized.When you seek charges, you’re on trial as much as the other person, if not more. The “asking for it” defense is alive and well even in 2016, and you have to be a “good victim” in order to give your case the best shot it has. “Good victim”, when it comes to women in domestic or gendered violence cases like mine, tends to mean a lot of loaded, even conflicting things. The courts do not favor a lot of women simply for being who they are - women of color, trans women, sex workers, I could go on. Even beyond that, you have to be well behaved and silent about the proceedings, or risk pissing off the judge and giving the defense attorneys ammo to work with.



That sure is a lot of stuff that doesn’t actually have anything to do with her personally. But, representation is important so, kudos for that.

The defense, so far, had hung a hat on trying to prove I deserved all of this.

No. No one ever did that. Pretty much every lawyer I have ever hired has at multiple points stated something to the effect of “what the plaintiff is going through is unfortunate and unwarranted.” We made very active efforts not to say anything that might even be construed as victim blaming.

He barely bothered to look at my huge stack of evidence before declaring he had no idea what the internet was about and didn’t want to know.



Yes, if I recall correctly that was right before he agreed to issue her complaints just in case.

I know it’ll kick some shit up, everything does, but I also know he’s going to try to twist this stuff like he always has.



There is a very good reason I post documentation and citations any time I claim something.

I’m tired of watching people hand out “just go to the police they’ll protect you” while I silently scream and bite my tongue, because I know the advice-giver is giving horrible, ignorant advice.

I know this doesn’t have much to do with my situation personally but again, seriously, if you are a victim of actual abuse go to the police if you can do so safely! They are very very trained in domestic abuse, and in pretty much every state in the US the court is very very set up with your protection in mind.

The least I can do to make that right is to be honest and open with the world



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to be honest and open with the world



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to be honest and open



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