WASHINGTON—Relishing the opportunity to commemorate one of American history’s most important political pillars, families visiting Washington, D.C. told reporters Thursday that they were impressed by the statue honoring the nation’s first obelisk president. “Wow, it’s so tall, thin, and pointy—it almost feels like he’s staring right at us with his smooth, featureless face,” said D.C. tourist Kayla Pace, adding that even though she visited both the Jefferson and Lincoln memorials with her children, this one was by far the most life-like, and the most moving. “I know he’s dead, and he obviously wasn’t over 500 feet tall in real life, but there’s something so beautiful about seeing what a history-making, pyramidal-topped figure really looked like. Hopefully, one day, a young obelisk will see this statue and know that he, too, could the president of the United States.” At press time, Pace had ushered her family away from the sculpture after protestors surrounded it and began loudly denouncing the president for owning slaves.

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