THE Queen will use her annual Christmas message to announce that she will never die.

The monarch will tell Britain that she has developed a condition known as Methuselah Syndrome, caused by generations of grotesque inbreeding and being immensely wealthy.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Beyond immortality, sufferers can lead a perfectly normal life.

“With the right emotional support and a steady diet, the Queen should remain healthy at least until the universe begins to contract and conditions become unsuitable for existence as we know it.

“Beyond that she’ll just float about in an infinite bubble of nothingness.”

Her Majesty will also confirm that Prince Charles has inherited the syndrome and will therefore get to watch her be Queen forever.