Sometimes the terms used in politics, such as Marxism and capitalism, can be confusing. So it was helpful for Tory MPs such as Andrew Bridgen to offer a simple explanation this week. He suggested the proposal of Jeremy Corbyn, that survivors of the Grenfell Tower fire should be housed in properties left empty by speculators, “fits in with his hard Marxist views”.

It’s always welcome when someone explains complex ideas in a way we can all understand. Now, when someone asks “what is a crazy Marxist?”, all you have to say is, “it’s someone silly enough to believe that if someone’s house has burned down, they should be allowed to stay in an empty house.”

Thankfully we live in a fair capitalist society, so if a Russian oligarch has gone to all the trouble of buying a flat in Kensington and leaving it empty, we won’t let some sod enjoy that wealth when they’ve done nothing to earn it except run screaming in terror from a raging inferno.

It’s the same with those irresponsible Marxists who went down with blankets and food, the communist bastards. They should have set up a pop-up bedding and hot chocolate store to tap into extensive market opportunities.

Theresa May booed by residents after visiting scene of Grenfell disaster

If the Conservatives had seen the community in Manchester after the bomb, giving lifts home to strangers and looking for relatives, putting people up and looking after them, they’d have said, “oh my God, the place is overrun with communism, it’s like North Korea”.

So we should hand the rights to Costa Coffee to be first at a major incident, that way they can make money out of selling drinks rather than give in to the socialist menace of giving them away.

Here’s a captive clientele, who probably won’t know how much they’re spending as they’re in a state of deep trauma, and we’re restricting business opportunities by handing the operation to volunteers who have no idea how to generate wealth.

Someone should go on Dragon’s Den to set up a company to help people out after catastrophes, charging £70 to contact panicking relatives and provide a choice of light snacks to calm you down after an explosion, in a van with “We get there faster when there’s a disaster” on the side.

Confusingly, 40 per cent of Conservative voters are in favour of Jeremy Corbyn’s proposal to requisition empty properties, which means we’ve reached an alarming state, in which almost half of Conservatives are Marxists.

In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Show all 51 1 /51 In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Police have released images from inside the tower where at least 58 people have died Metropolitan Police In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A still from a video shared by polices what appears to be a stationary bicycle sitting among the ashes In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A still from a video shared by police shows the remnants of a burnt-out bathroom In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Picture showing the lifts on an unknown floor Metropolitan Police In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Emergency crews outside the front entrance to the tower Metropolitan Police In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Fire crews inspecting flats in the burnt out tower London Metropolitan Police In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Grenfell Tower is seen in the distance PA In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A drone flies near the scene of the fire which destroyed the Grenfell Tower block REUTERS/Stefan Wermuth In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire 'Theresa May Stay Away' message written on the messages of support at Latymer Community Church for those affected by the fire Ray Tang/REX In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire An aerial view of the area surrounding Grenfall tower Getty In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Donated shoes sit in the Westway Sports Centre near to the site of the Grenfell Tower fire Getty Images In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Messages of support for those affected by the massive fire in Grenfell Tower are displayed on a well near the tower in London AP In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A local resident stands on her balcony by the gutted Grenfell Tower in Latimer Road Getty Images In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Messages of condolence are left at a relief centre close to the scene of the fire that broke out at Grenfell Tower, EPA In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A police officer stands by a security cordon outside Latimer Road station Getty Images In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Firemen examine the scorched facade of the Grenfell Tower in London on a huge ladder AP In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A search dog is led through the rubble of the Grenfell Tower in London as firefighting continue to damp-down the deadly fire AP In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn comforts a local resident (name not given) at St Clement's Church in west London where volunteers have provided shelter and support for people affected by the fire at Grenfell Tower David Mirzoeff/PA In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn hugs councillor Mushtaq Lasharie as he arrives at St Clement's Church in Latimer Road, where volunteers have provided shelter and support for people affected by the fire at Grenfell Tower Getty Images In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn meeting staff and volunteers at St Clementís Church in Latimer Road David Mirzoeff/PA In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Firefighters with a dog walk around the base of the Grenfell Tower REUTERS/Peter Nicholls In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Emotions run high as people attend a candle lit vigil outside Notting Hill Methodist Church near the 24 storey residential Grenfell Tower block in Latimer Road, West London Getty Images In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Debris hangs from the blackened exterior of Grenfell Tower Getty Images In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A woman speaks to Mayor of London Sadiq Khan outside Notting Hill Methodist Church near Grenfell Tower in west London after a fire engulfed the 24-storey building Yui Mok/PA Wire In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A woman holds a missing person posters near the Grenfell Tower block REUTERS/Stefan Wermuth In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Sadiq Khan speaking with a resident James Gourley/REX In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Ken Livingstone walks near the scene of the Grenfell Tower fire Getty Images In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Mayor of London Sadiq Khan is confronted by Kai Ramos, 7, near Grenfell Tower in west London after a fire engulfed the 24-storey building Yui Mok/PA Wire In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Mayor of London Sadiq Khan speaks to a woman outside Notting Hill Methodist Church near Grenfell Tower Yui Mok/PA Wire In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Volunteers distribute aid near Grenfell Tower Getty Images In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Family and friends of missing Jessica Urbano, 12, wearing photographs of Jessica pinned to their t-shirts gather near Grenfell Tower EPA In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Family and friends of missing Jessica Urbano, 12, wearing photographs of Jessica pinned to their t-shirts gather near Grenfell Tower EPA In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Family and friends of missing Jessica Urbano, 12, wearing photographs of Jessica pinned to their t-shirts gather near Grenfell Tower EPA In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire People attend a vigil at Notting Hill Methodist Church near Grenfell Tower Getty Images In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire People gather to observe a vigil outside St Clement's Church following the blaze at Grenfell Tower Getty Images In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire People light candles as they observe a vigil outside St Clement's Church following the blaze at Grenfell Tower Getty Images In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire People attend a vigil at Notting Hill Methodist Church near Grenfell Tower Getty Images In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A man distributes food from the back of a van near the scene of the fire which destroyed the Grenfell Tower block REUTERS/Paul Hackett In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A firefighter is cheered near the scene of the fire which destroyed the Grenfell Tower block REUTERS/Paul Hackett In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A T-shirt with a written message from the London Fire Brigade hangs from a fence near The Grenfell Tower block REUTERS/Stefan Wermuth In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A young girl on her way to lay flowers near Grenfell Tower Getty Images In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire The remains of residential tower block Grenfell Tower are seen from Dixon House a nearby tower block Getty In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Volunteers prepare supplies for people affected by the Grenfell Tower block which was destroyed in a fire REUTERS/Neil Hall In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Volunteers move a car to make space for a lorry picking up supplies for people affected by the Grenfell Tower block REUTERS/Stefan Wermuth In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire People distribute boxes of food near the scene of the fire which destroyed the Grenfell Tower bloc REUTERS/Paul Hackett In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A woman touches a missing poster for 12-year-old Jessica Urbano on a tribute wall after laying flowers on the side of Latymer Community Church next to the fire-gutted Grenfell Tower AP In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A man looks at messages written on a wall near the scene of the fire which destroyed the Grenfell Tower block REUTERS/Paul Hackett In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Candles and messages of condolence near where the fire broke out at Grenfell Tower EPA In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Police carry a stretcher towards Grenfell Tower Rick Findler/PA Wire In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Emergency services at Grenfell Tower Rick Findler/PA Wire In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Police carry out a body from Grenfell Tower in west London after a fire engulfed the 24-storey building Rick Findler/PA Wire

Conservative garden parties in Surrey will soon raise funds by getting Iain Duncan-Smith to auction a signed photo of Fidel Castro, then they’ll have a vote on whether to hand over the lawn to the peasants.

The comments about Marxism may have another cause, which is that the Conservatives have no idea what’s just happened. For 35 years the consensus has been that nothing can work unless it’s run by the rules of big business, and no one will vote for anyone who tries to restrict the laws of the free market.

That law is broken now, so they scream all the old insults against Corbyn and it no longer has an effect. Now the Tories suddenly look helpless, unable to sort out an arrangement with 10 people in the DUP, who they agree with on most things. Luckily Brexit will be with twenty-seven countries, half of which hate us, governing minor issues like what everything costs and where everyone lives, so that should be much easier for them.

Theresa May now looks so bewildered, this weekend the Queen will probably announce, “For God’s sake, I’m asking him with the beard to take over. And he wants me abolished.”

The Royal Family already appear to have held a meeting in which they’ve decided, “I don’t want to be head of the place if this lot’s still in.”

But some people are sticking to the old values. The Guardian interviewed residents at the modern block in Kensington Row, where some survivors will be housed. One of the property owners, Nick, said: “I’m very sad that people have lost their homes, but there are a lot of people here who have bought flats and will now see the values drop. It will degrade things. And it opens up a can of worms in the housing market.”

That’s the spirit, Nick. There’s a proper Conservative, not like these fairweather Tories who abandon their free market principles just because people were scorched in an entirely predictable and avoidable inferno.

What a shame that Nick wasn’t around when the firefighters arrived.

Instead of getting in the way with Marxist compassion, Nick could have restored order by yelling: “How much water are you wasting? I pay for that with my council tax you know, you should charge anyone who you rescue with that ladder, this isn’t the Soviet Union.”

The only thing to take issue with, is Nick shouldn’t be sad, because if people aren’t clever enough to live in gated communities where the builders are paid to cover the dwellings in materials that don’t flare up at a moment’s notice, they’ve only got themselves to blame.

And Nick probably thinks, “Surely these people have a second inflammable tower block in the country, where they could go and stay for a while until the work gets done.”