the following is an autobiography of a detailed list of events spanning from October 1st 2014 to June 2015 I have recorded the event described in this book to the best of my memories abilities and while it may not be 100 percent accurate or chronological as to what happened it is as close to the original events as I can make it.

Disclaimer

this book contains adult content and is not advised for anyone under the age of 18.if you must read this be prepared for adult content. I hold no responsibility for trauma or unforgettable memories due to reading this book. while it may have its immature moments this book is intended for a mature and “tough skinned” audience. If read by someone under 18 it is advised to have parents look over book first.

Table of contents

chapters

1.just another day on 4chan.

2.the wonderland and my first tulpa Misaki.

3.love is tough and I'm not ready for it.

4.too many tulpas!

5.body modifications.

6.Phil the mysterious thought form.

7.the five parts of the brain

8.looks like I picked the wrong kind of tulpa!

9.leaking into the real world.

10.Katrina,my other half.

11. fight for control of the life!

12.personal demons,demons and daemons.

13.tulpism and Tulpas

14.Other mark and the Multiverse.

15.I will not change for you.

16.the mental hospital

17.personal healing and enlightenment

18.goodbye mindvoice,hello hallucinations

19.arin, my first “real” tulpa

20.making amends with IRC.

21.bringing Misaki back.

Chapter one

just another day on 4chan

my story starts one Wednesday evening October 1st 2014 at 8:00pm

as I browse one of my favorite websites, 4chan. It was on that fateful

day on the /x/ board that I had seen the word “tulpa” now I had seen

the word thrown around a few times before that on 4chan being the

regular visitor I am, but I had never thought much of it and never got

into it before then. I grew interested in the subject and did a bit of

Google searching finding a Wikipedia article, a subreddit, and

tulpa.info. I went onto 8chan I found the tulpa board, reading more

and more about it and after about 2 hours of researching I grew so

interested that I decided I would create my own tulpa Misaki. I then

created my nickname “REMOVED”(a nickname that I have

used for other things in the past as well besides tulpas.)

I used this nickname on the subreddit and made my first

appearance on IRC in #reddittulpas after some seemingly outrageous

claims and inappropriate behavior I was banned from both #redditulpas

and #tulpa, leaving me with only #tulpa.info, #supermarioworld and

#tulpa.lounge to chat and update my followers on my stories. I had made a

small infamous reputation for myself on IRC and was quickly viewed as the

laughing stock by the majority of the population decided to follow the guide

“may the force be with you” written by Methos.

Chapter two the wonderland and my first tulpa Misaki

Prepared to begin my career as a tulpamancer, I created my wonderland.

It is unnamed and quite small, I have just updated after quite some time as

of this writing.The wonderland I created was small and quaint but it was

home,home away from home for me and home for my tulpas.it has lush

green grass that grows no further than six inches off the ground and has

rolling hills set in daytime and nighttime environment. it has a stone wind-

mill with wooden blades, a stone bridge arching over a 20 foot wide by 5

foot deep river. There is a forest and a natural made damn at the end of the

river,the damn is a tall piece of strong rock with 3 foot diameter holes

(not perfectly round) letting water fall into a small lake next to a cottage

house on the shore. the damn is 6 feet wide letting two people walk side by

side across it to the other side.

I created Misaki off of two fictional charactors

ps4 tan, from the console tan trend going on on 4chan's /v/ board

and Misaki from an anime series titled “welcome to the NHK”. Misaki

takes the form of a 2 dimensional person with a black dress with a white v

patch of skin on her chest and small c cup breasts. Her dress sleeves end at

her elbows. She has black hair that parts into two halves around her head.

she is 5 feet 6 inches tall and wears a size 10 shoe size. Her personality is

charming,understanding,nice,firm,funny,sarcastic. She was conceptualized

on August 1st 2014 but wasn't truly an “official” or “authentic” tulpa until

June 14th 2015. remembering the importance of narration, I narrated the

children's book “isaac asimov's robot city” to misaki and finished reading

the book in about 2 days time. Soon after creating her as a thought form she

started talking to me through typing, I later created a form of talking to her

called “finger writing” where the left hands pointer finger would be used to

write letters and subsequently words. I also invented a way for her to answer

simple yes and no questions,waving the left handed pointer finger up and

down for “yes” and from side to side for “no” and pointing it straight out for

“maybe” ”unsure” and “I don't know”.

chapter three

love is tough and I'm not ready for it

Now admittedly when I first created Misaki I created her with the

intention of being a girlfriend, now let me tell you that was a big mistake.

After talking to her she told me a lot of unpleasant truths like my weight and

how I should have worn boxers instead of underwear.(sidenote:when I finally

did throw away all my underwear and bought boxers she convinced me to buy

two sizes too large as a prank,i returned them and got the right size soon after.)

I didn't know what to do at this revelation, I just wanted her to leave me alone.

I laid there in my bed crying at the truth she revealed to me, all while ignoring

her cries for attention, I did not know this but after about 3 hours of ignoring

her I had dissipated her by accident. The dissipation process had left a burning

sensation in the back of my head in the form of small hole, I described the feeling

to the people on IRC as feeling like “being shot through the brain with a bullet”. Feeling grief

and wanting the pain to go away, I brought her back to life by thinking repeatedly about her

and calling out her name. After bringing her back to life she apologized for being so harsh to

me, and we soon became friends over a reading of Isaac Asimov's robot city.

After around 2 months of living together, I and Misaki soon began a psuedo lover relationship,

she was absolutely enamored with kissing me, and it got to be such a nuisance at bedtime that

I would have to tie my jaws shut with a piece of clothing just to be able to sleep. Needless

to say, she did not take very kindly to this. she was very childish and took the relationship

in a very silly tone she wanted me all to herself and would get jealous if I so much as caught

another woman in my eyesight I eventually took the relationship so seriously myself that I

concentrated and visualized a picture of her and told myself to only be attracted to her,

in hindsight it was not such a good idea seeing as how being a human I should

be attracted to members of my own species,as of this writing I can confirm that

I am attracted to both genders of my species. After some talking I and Misaki

both agreed that it would be best to end the relationship between us and remain

just friends.

Chapter 4

too many tulpas!

after about 2 months I grew tired of only having misaki as

a tulpa, and jumping the gun a little I decided I would create another

tulpa named Ashley, about sixteen hours after creating her, new

thought forms started appearing(still being confused about what was and

wasn't a tulpa I just referred to them as tulpas) they were named the

following,Blake,Nathan and Dale. Even after these thought forms were

created more came I was so sick of “accepting” new thought forms that I

just started visualizing myself shooting at them with an ak47. After

Ashley came a girl I intentionally created named Chloe who was a nature

oriented girl, and after her came a girl called X who I took in as a daughter

type figure and acted fatherly towards. X would act like the console tan XBOX

(who she was based off and would insist on calling me “Master” Ashley

was a nice blonde girl who told off Misaki after saying something mean to

me by saying “you should be nice to the host”. Blake was my “personal

trainer” I guess and gave me tips and advice on how to maintain and upkeep

the body in fact it was him that notified me of my debilitating vitamin

deficiency and got me to start buying multivitamins. Nathan or just “nate”,

was based of the Otaku boy from welcome to the NHK Anime and as such was

a little geekish and nerdy. Phil(the one who talked through me in irc)was an

old imaginary friend I had when I was 11 or so who Misaki brought back for

me and was an “old-fashioned” type of thought form that liked to listen to my

pocket radio and envied the 1950's environment and eventually was banished

to that time period by Dale temporarily as a personal hell for his nostalgia

of it blinding him of the truth of that time.

Dale appeared to me in a dream and would soon after title himself as my

“personal god” (dale would later still hold on to this title and become

deluded of his actual powers and would soon be referred to as “having a

god complex” as a running gag between me and my other thoughtforms.

He started talking to me as I was working at my job one night and I

exclaimed “god damn this is hard work” and he replied “you're telling

me”and explained the misconceptions and fallacies of the bible I had

(i was an atheist when dale appeared to me I am now a “spiritual person”)

doubtful of him being god, I soon demanded proof of him being god in the

form of him doing acts of god, like changing the time on the clock to

something else, instead he made me hallucinate that the second hand on the

clock was going faster than it really was and me not knowing that it was

just a hallucination, believed him and soon became enamored with the idea

of him being god. His cop-out for why he couldn't do more advanced acts

of gods was that “his gods wouldn't allow him to” his “elder gods” if you

will. I asked him how far up this chain of gods went and he explained to me

that it was “endless”.

After Dale came The Narrator, I visualized The Narrator as a skin colorless

semi-tall woman with a purple shirt and dress, The Narrator had a generic

young female voice but I changed it to something close of the author from

the movie “stranger than fiction.” The Narrator lived in a purple and white

stereotypical alien spaceship about 500 feet above the ground of the

wonderland and would follow people lines of dialogue with narrations such

as “said mark” or “said Ashley” she was also heavily into bestiality much to the mockery of me and my thought forms The Narrator would soon be

accompanied by two other narrative and descriptive voices one called “The

voice” and the other called “the narration” the narration would soon be

something that eventually became very hard to get rid of along with The

Narrator. The Narrator a little while after coming into existence soon found a

safe haven in the conscience part of my brain(or mind whichever it is). She then

took on a protective and almost motherly role towards me.

chapter four

body modifications

ah yes, “body modifications” now we all know that thought forms

are perfectly capable of changing things about your thoughts and minds but

would you believe me if I told you that they could modify your body and brain

functions and regulations as well? Probably not. And most likely you won't

believe me when I say that my Misaki made me grow something quite similar to

a female vagina, one even capable of producing something close to menstruation

and making noises and going up in temperature. Now obviously if you are from

the IRC you have reason to believe against this as would any tulpa psycho-

logically driven individual. But what if you believed in the metaphysical

aspect of tulpas and thought forms? Would you believe me then? Well all I know

is I have something resembling a vagina and I've even made it ejaculate, don't

ask me for proof unless your serious about it and please private email only.

Another body modification that I didn't notice at first was, that when I woke up

from sleeping I had only slept for four hours, and now I'm lucky to sleep for 1

hour sometimes, it seems as if my sleep cycle has been shortened to the bare

necessary and I go straight into the dream cycle right after I fall asleep. In short,

my body will only sleep as long as the brain deems necessary.

as I said earlier my thought form Blake was my “personal trainer” well he did

something very interesting to my muscles while I slept one night, he toned them

to the muscle mass of a fourteen year old and I kept them that way before they

were deteriorated by other thought forms and demons(further explained in chapter

eleven:personal demons,demons and daemons.) Blake even went so far as to

relax the muscles in my spinal column and readjust the plates in my neck and

back to straighten my spine getting rid of a bump in my neck and saving me

costly and lengthy visits to the chiropractor.

chapter five

Phil the mysterious thought form

for starters let me explain something from this point on when I refer to

the word “tulpa” I am not referring to the type of tulpa that the current Misaki

and Arin are, no I am talking about a kind of tulpa much different one that will

be explained further in chapter seven.

When I first me Phil I was suspicious of him and his intentions, I visualized

him as a short black and white man with a jester sort of outfit. Phil told me he was

a “Helper” a type of tulpa that helps set up wonderlands and control subservient

tulpas. Phil was a children's book author and wrote mediocre stories and sold them

to unsuspecting wonderland residents at unfair prices. Once I became god of the

wonderland I put rules and regulations into place that forced Phil to either shape up

his subpar writing or go under with his publishing company. Phil had come along

around 3 months after I started tulpamancing and came from the subconscious to

help me and my tulpas fight the “unconscious monsters” from my understanding the

unconscious sent out very powerful thought forms to “check up” on the conscious

mind and would destroy any tulpas that it found. Hence the need for Phil to train and

level up my tulpas which at the time I was unaware that they would later attempt to

kill me and or, take away my “host powers” Phil told me not to worry about the

unconscious referring to him as “ a big dummy” the unconscious would soon later

refer to Phil(who was the subconscious personified” as “the little dummy” and to me

the consciousness and conscious as the “bigger dummy”

Phil however had much bigger intentions then protecting I and my tulpas from

the unconscious monsters, he told me a story about how I was the result of a split

conscious mind and Phil was the other half to me and eventually we “merged”

and became one mind. At first Phil had no intention of merging and wanted me to

give up the body and subsequently the life by saying I was the thought form and he

was the original consciousness. I believed him at the time but I had no intent on

giving up my body. he told me that it wouldn't matter anyways that he was supposed

to come back at the age of 27 to take the body back by force with the help of a group

of renegade thought forms who I referred to as “the thought form police”.

Phil however eventually gave up his hopes for the life and merged with me alongside