This Page Six Magazine “Pup Culture” story about how to best pamper your pooch is a hilarious not-inside joke of sorts. A dog psychic, really? NOW? Not even Vogue is suggesting that.

A shame there’s no mention of this Doggie Bones costume, which is a mere $23 and has a glow-in-the-dark bone pattern to turn your puppy into a skeleton dog. Very Donnie Darko, post apocalyptic-chic. A worthy investment in your BFF’s future-fashion.