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LAREDO, Texas –

Strange news out of Laredo, Texas this morning after the body of 26-year-old Cole York was discovered by neighbors in his apartment building late Monday evening. Police reports say that Cole was killed when he attempted to open a Capri Sun pouch and accidentally stabbed himself in the brachial artery, a major artery located in the upper arm, with the straw.

Police are calling the incident a ‘freak accident,’ and say that it’s the first time they’ve ever seen such carnage from an injury sustained via straw.

“I’ve never seen anything like this, such a small straw, I don’t know how it did so much damage to this poor guy,” said officer Tyler Reed. “I was the first one on the scene, we had a 911 call from his apartment, and when no one answered the door I kicked it in. I went to the kitchen and it looked like a horror movie. The blood had spewed through the straw and was all over the kitchen. The walls were covered.”

Rudolf Wild Ltd., the makers of Capri Sun, have yet to comment on the death or about the safety of their product, but a company spokesperson did say that there was no planned recall of their juice pouches. Police and health officials are asking people to stab their Capri Sun pouch with caution, if they absolutely have no other means to get their intake of juice.

“It is defiantly bizarre. My kids drink Capri Sun, and it had never occurred to me that I needed to be concerned about juice-related injuries,” said Reed. “They’ve always made it kind of tricky to get the straw in the little dot, but it never crossed my mind that it could be deadly. Now I’ve seen everything.”

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