FAMILY MEDIATION FOR SAME SEX COUPLES

It has been possible for same-sex couples to formalise their relationships since the introduction of civil partnerships in 2005, and in March 2014 same-sex marriages were legalised in the UK. These relationships have the same legal standing as heterosexual marriages, and as such the process for ending a same-sex relationship is almost the same.

Ending A Same-Sex Partnership or Marriage

There may be one or many reasons for choosing to dissolve a same-sex marriage or partnership, however, one of the main differences between these relationships and those of a heterosexual or opposite-sex nature is that within the bounds of a same-sex partnership it is not currently possible to cite adultery as the cause for the break-up unless the adultery is committed with a member of the opposite sex; the legal definition of adultery is for a husband or wife to have sex with a member of the opposite sex.

This leaves four reasons under current legislation that same-sex couples can cite for irretrievable breakdown of their relationship:

Unreasonable behaviour

2 years separation – with the other partner’s agreement

5 years separation – without the other partner’s agreement

Desertion

Benefits of Mediation

The process of divorce or dissolution of a civil partnership is much the same for gay or lesbian couples as it is for opposite-sex couples when they separate. Mediation helps same-sex couples, whether they be married, in a civil partnership, or living together, to work through their issues and come to an agreement without having to go through the courts – a legal system that has evolved according to the principles of traditional, heterosexual marriage and does not yet quite reflect the needs of same-sex couples.

Mediation is a quicker, more cost-effective, and less stressful way to end a marriage or civil partnership.

Talking in a private, safe place, facilitated by a trained and experienced mediator can help you explore different solutions and find the best one for both of your individual circumstances.

Three of the biggest issues with the dissolution of a relationship are children, finances, and privacy. Mediation can help in all these areas.

Issues With Children

No parent wants to hurt their children, and the break-down of a relationship can be very stressful for both, and an acrimonious battle through the courts is potentially very damaging.

It is a challenge that all separating couples must undertake where children are involved, but a drawn-out court process will not make things any easier.

Where will the children live? Who will see them and when, and for how long? Who is paying for what? Making these decisions through mediation can help avoid bitter conflict by discussing the needs of everybody involved, and coming to a calm, reasonable conclusion.

Our child consultants are specially trained, and know that children of same-sex couples have their own set of unique needs, and can listen to your children in a neutral, friendly environment where they can put forward their views and opinions in such a way that they don’t feel responsible for making decisions, but make them understand that you care what they think and feel.

Family mediators will discuss their views with you, and help you come to a workable agreement.

There are diverse and specific challenges that gay and lesbian couples must overcome. There are different rules of parental responsibility, adoption rules, surrogacy and the rights of biological and non-biological parents. The structure of parenting may well be different from the traditional “marriage” model on which the current court system is based. Within those constraints, a judge in court may not be able to offer a solution that both parties are happy with.

Mediation can help you explore all the options and find solutions that put you in control and that both of you will be more likely to stick to, rather than something imposed by a court.

Issues With Finances

Following the breakdown of a same-sex marriage, financial settlements can be treated in much the same way they would be in a heterosexual divorce, and judges will likely apply the same criteria. The length of the marriage or partnership, earning capacity, and needs will all be taken into consideration.

The length of the partnership or marriage, however, may prove a stumbling block for the courts when it comes to a fair split of assets with same-sex couples. As civil partnerships and same-sex marriage have only been legal for a relatively short time, many couples may have lived together for many years before finally being able to formalise their relationship, and a judge will not be able to take this into account where you may want to.

Mediation allows you control over how your assets are distributed, regardless of what a judge may say the share should be, meaning you can take the full length of the relationship into account along with any other financial issues which may fall outside conventional divorce criteria.

Maintenance for same-sex couples is arranged in the same way as heterosexual couples, with the partner with whom children live most likely being awarded child maintenance. Spousal maintenance will only be awarded in certain circumstances such as a disparity of earnings, and this can be capitalised into a lump sum when the final asset split is made. This may not be how you wish to proceed, but the way the courts operate.

Mediation will allow you both to decide who gets what, rather than relying on the courts.

Privacy

Mediation is about dialogue, respect, and confidence. Discussions with a mediator are always private and confidential so if you don’t want people knowing the details of your dissolution or divorce, they won’t.

We are always confidential and respectful; we don’t judge, we don’t criticise, and we don’t take sides. Our aim is simply to use our skills and experience to help you find the best solutions for yourself and your family.

The Family Mediation Practice is a team of independent family mediators who help divorcing and separating couples to come to an agreement rather than fighting things out in the courts.

Depending on your circumstances, legal aid could be available to fund your family mediation.

You can contact any of our independent family mediators direct by calling 0333 567 0377. You can also send a confidential message by clicking here.