LOL. Former Texas A&M linebacker/edge-rushing superstar Von Miller is quite the larger-than-laugh character, but he truly outdid himself in describing the Aggies to Sports Illustrated recently:

“A&M really wanted me,” Miller says. “You know that girlfriend that’s really not that attractive but she’s going to do everything she can to keep you? That was A&M. . . . That hot chick that just talks to you on Mondays? That was LSU.”

So what does that make Texas, which never offered Miller out of DeSoto?

Regardless of extending Miller’s thought to include the Longhorns, he probably didn’t realize that Longhorns aren’t ever going to forget about this.

Release the Kraken! The honeymoon period for junior safety Jason Hall ended some time ago, so there’s been plenty of pining for DeShon Elliott, the hard-hitting back up whose freshman season was derailed by a toe injury during fall camp before forcing a critical fumble on special teams against Oklahoma, recording two interceptions against Kansas, and catching the final pass of the Baylor game out of bounds.

Now the coaches have finally served notice to Hall that his starting job is in jeopardy after nearly 20 games in that role:

Elliott intercepted a poorly-thrown pass during last Monday’s practice and flashed during the inside drill on Wednesday with his typical reckless abandon:

So, Townsend... Really nice reps for Antwuan Davis and DeShon Elliott as well. pic.twitter.com/f6ov1SG7yr — Ryan Bridges (@RyanBridgesCFB) August 11, 2016

After all, Elliott earned his Kraken nickname in high school with his vicious hits and flashed in the Orange and White game by forcing running back Roderick Bernard to fumble, in addition to being about the only guy who has squared up sophomore running back Chris Warren:

Here’s to more of the Kraken.

Swag. Courtesy of the unofficial mayor of Austin himself, sophomore linebacker Malik Jefferson provided a glimpse of the newest Nike gear given to the team:

S/O to @UTexasEquipment for the new gear (shoes not included). pic.twitter.com/JUrqoEhvoZ — Malik Jefferson 4⃣6⃣ (@Official_MalikJ) August 10, 2016

And those shoes? He may be referencing the new Nike Week Zero Collection, which this year is the Train Speed 4, which dropped at the Co-Op, a handful of other retailers, and on Nike.com on Monday:

Richard Sherman on ET is the best. Speaking of larger-than-life, let’s talk about Seattle Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman and the awesome thing that he said about safety and DBU alum Earl Thomas:

"Earl Thomas is kind of like either the Dos Equis guy or Chuck Norris. He is a guy that is exactly who people think he is and better than people who think he's the best. ...Nobody watches practice harder. Practice watches Earl Thomas. Earl Thomas does not watch practice."

There’s a reason why FOX Sports ranked Thomas as the top safety in the NFL this summer.

The Bears are Vasherized once again. Texas Ex and DBU alum Nathan Vasher is back in the Windy City after a first-team All-Pro season appearance in 2005 in the second year of his five-year tenure with the Chicago Bears that produced 19 interceptions and the longest touchdown ever recorded at Soldier Field.

In his return, he’s working as an defensive backs assistant coach.

The opportunity is an interim one courtesy of the Bill Wash Minority Coaching Fellowship and Vasher hopes that he can eventually land a full-time gig as a result.

"It's been great," Vasher told chicagobears.com. "I think the NFL provides a great opportunity with the minority internship where you can get more guys into coaching and you can get an up close look at it; see the daily operations, see teams at an early stage as they are working towards a championship, so I'm really excited about the opportunity."

The former Longhorns All-American got his degree from UT after his football career ended and even spent some time around the football program.

Best of luck to Vasher, who will no doubt realize his dream of coaching full time and continue to consolidate his legacy as an all-time great member of DBU.

Everyone wants into the Big 12. The conference is still looking at expansion and, boy, there sure are plenty of options:

Big 12 expansion wannabes now 20:AF ArkSt Boise BYU Cincinnati CSU UConn ECU Houston Memphis NIU NM Rice SDSU SMU Temple Tulane UCF UNLV USF — Brett McMurphy (@McMurphyESPN) August 16, 2016

And most of them are garbage. USF can’t even spell research right:

BREAKING: #USF has prepared promotional material, including case statement (here's 1st page) and video to Big 12. pic.twitter.com/fxYM4Wk7Tk — Joey Knight (@TBTimes_Bulls) August 16, 2016

How very Florida of them.

In real news that may actually matter, somewhat (if ones cares too much about the constitution of this doomed enterprise), the conference is reportedly looking more closely at adding two schools than adding four and BYU, Cincinnati, and Houston are the frontrunners.

Sign me up for Cincinnati and Houston.

As for a timetable? It may not happen until October.

The Art Briles Redemption Tour is kinda gross. The disgraced former Baylor head coach is making the rounds of NFL teams in training camp in an attempt to network and further strain the fabric of reality by receiving endorsements from the likes of Jerry Jones.

On Tuesday, Briles was in Houston and hit a new low:

Art Briles visits #Texans practice: "I've never done anything illegal, immoral or unethical." pic.twitter.com/gf0rGDJlj7 — Mark Berman (@MarkBermanFox26) August 16, 2016

It didn’t go over so well on Twitter.

The logical inconsistency of maintaining you did nothing wrong when you won enough to build a $266 million stadium & got fired is glaring. — David Ubben (@davidubben) August 16, 2016

¯\_(ツ)_/¯