Mr. Karsten Runquist... if you’re seeing this review please listen... you need to watch this film.



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Bubble Boy is a work of fiction with a concept so complex that it seems like it would be far too difficult to translate to the big screen. Fortunately, director Blair Hayes reinvigorates the coming-of-age genre with this heartfelt, thoughtful masterpiece.

This film’s soundtrack will blow your favorite film’s soundtrack out of the water. Jonny Greenwood and Hans Zimmer and whatever other violin-wielding pussy that you can think of will never compose a soundtrack that compares to this one. Featuring tracks like MC Hammer’s deep cut “U [sic] Can’t Touch This” and “Sometimes When We Touch” by Dan Hill, each emotion in your hopeless body will be tingled by this genre-bending compliation of tracks.

This substantial achievement in cinema is full of cameos that are sure to have audiences jumping out of their seats. Within 30 seconds, we are introduced to Danny Trejo (who plays Danny Trejo) and Fabio. Trejo’s troubled character pulls a knife on the titular character (whose name I’m still unsure of). In the midst of this action, the editor makes a daring decision to cut to a clip of Fabio, who is shown leading a pagan cult. According to Hereditary director Ari Aster, this is the very scene that inspired his newest horror flick Midsommar. Zach Galifianakis also gives the performance of lifetime in the small amount of screentime that his is given.

Jake Gyllenhaal’s magnum opus is PACKT LIKE SARDINES IN A CRUSHED TIN BOX (yeah... fuck you again Jonny Greenwood) with unbelievable sequences, but there is one scene, in specific, that I would like to discuss. The scene in question is the one in which the titular character inquisitively ventures into the depths of his family’s washing machine. This scene is filled with so much subtlety and will inspire generations to come. Before entering the machine, Bubble Boy is a broken, frail young man — a pussy ass bitch if you will. After leaving the machine he is overwhelmed with the confidence of a stallion. According to Roger Ebert, this is the very scene that inspired Vince Gillian to create the hit show Breaking Bad, which contains an eerily reminiscent scene inside of a similar piece of machinery. The plot of this film is also said to have inspired Adam Sandler’s comedy extravaganza Just Go With It.

Although the washing machine sequence is remarkable, there are many other instances that prove that Hayes’ arthouse masterpiece isn’t just another forgettable coming-of-age film about a worthless male cracker:

- Bubble Boy gets Paul-Blart’s-mommed by a bus.



- Jake Gyllenhaal laughs at a scientific diagram of a penis and gets pushed out of a bus for it (as he deserves).



- Verne Troyer (RIP), the “Deez Nuts” guy, and the boxcar children make an appearance that is both chilling and breathtaking. Eventually, Verne Troyer is strapped to a children’s car seat and thrown onto concrete from a van that is going well over the speed limit.



- Bubble Boy’s mom says “I PRAY YOU GET NUT CANCER” and then blames “the Jews” for kidnapping her son. She then makes extremely insensitive remarks about said Jews. I feel as if this really says a lot about today’s current climate of children trying to seperate themselves from their bigoted parents and their Republican (and therefore fucking stupid) points of view.

Note: All scenes mentioned in this review occur in the first 25 minutes of the film.

[I love you Jonny Greenwood. Sorry.]