You may have heard me sing praises to the comedy-drama set in a women’s prison; Orange is the New Black. Well, just a word of warning, I’m not going to stop. If you’ve watched Series 3 then you’ll know all about Suzanne’s (aka. Crazy Eyes) hilarious erotic stories; Time Hump Chronicles. As ridiculous as they are, so many of the things she says about writing are so blummin’ true!

1. When the person you based a character on doesn’t like being written about.



“A writer does not search out muse, a muse appears… and when that muse wears uniform pants that fit in all the right places, it writes itself!”

2. When someone reads between the lines and finds out too much about you.



*absolute silence* *avoids eye contact*

3. When you’ve no experience of the subject you’re writing about.



“I made it up, from my imagination brain, influenced by the stuff I read. It’s not real!”

4. When you’ve got writer’s block.



“It’s like can see the words but I can’t make them obey me.”

5. When someone interprets something even better than what you intended from your writing.



“I meant to do that.”

6. When people ask you too many questions about what your writing means.



“I like to let the words speak for themselves.”

7. When people ask you what happens in your story.



“I don’t know! I don’t know what is going to happen here and if you guys don’t get out of here, I cant write it to find out!”

8. When someone unexpectedly compliments your work.



“So you liked it!?”

9. When someone says exactly what you need to hear.



“Suzanne, don’t let her stop you. You’ve got to keep writing!”

10. When you speak the truth! … But you verbalise it really badly, despite being a ‘writer’.

11. Finally, when you get carried away with your own skillzzz.

