LONDON—Saying that Her Highness was now in stable condition, Buckingham Palace representatives announced Thursday that Queen Elizabeth II had been rushed to the hospital early this morning to receive an emergency transfusion of royal blood. “It was a dire situation—there was very little royal blood on hand owing to the relatively small number of donations made by the noble-born,” said Private Secretary to the Sovereign Sir Christopher Geidt, adding that Prince William ultimately donated the blood of royal descent that saved the queen’s life. “Unfortunately, Prince Harry was not a match for Her Majesty, and Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton was of no use, being of common parentage.” Geidt went on to say that in the event Queen Elizabeth required another transfusion, three-year-old Prince George would remain readily available to donate as much as was needed.

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