Tim Farron’s masterplan coming to fruition

With the Tories about to begin a potentially divisive leadership campaign, the Labour front bench in disarray, Scotland and Wales preparing leadership bids and the EU facing imminent collapse, Liberal leader Tim Farron settles back in his chair and softly chuckles to himself.

His plan is working.

“I’m a patient man,” he said, softly stroking a white cat settled in his lap.

“But I’m a determined one.

“Last year when I became leader of the Liberal Democrats, I heard the mocking – ‘Tim Farron? He looks like bullied kid at school who’s just become president of an unpopular computer club,’ but that was just a stepping stone to real power.”

When Mr Farron became leader and realised he had the political clout of a member of the Question Time audience, he set his plan in motion.

“Firstly, division is key, I knew the EU referendum would divide the country, so I disguised myself as an anonymous politician who no one would recognise and added the referendum legislation to David Cameron’s to-do pile.

“Then I ordered all Liberal Democrat supporters across the land to join the Labour party and vote for Jeremy Corbyn, and those 64 people swung the Labour leadership election.”

Mr Farron’s seeds of chaos in place, he patiently waited for the country to tear itself apart, and then declare his plan to save it.

“We’re a solid, united party who will campaign to re-join the EU at the first opportunity. Clearly, it is only a matter of time before the country votes us into power.”

As a result of Mr Farron’s declaration to re-join the EU, it is understood that the Liberal Democrat membership is at a six-year high with 73 members and one old lady giving serious consideration to joining.