Dear Pink Hair Girl, I recently became single and have been playing SWTOR since launch. There are probably many female players on my server/east coast which means two things: They are gamers They like Star Wars Games and Star Wars happen to be a couple of my biggest interests! Now I have heard of MMO to IRL love stories, and I started to humor the idea that maybe I can find a great girl to date that way. What are some ways that a genuinely nice and interested young man might try to meet a girl via an MMO–and not come off as a creeper? Or, are girls even open to meeting people through MMOs? Sincerely,

Hapless Romantic Gamer

Dear HRG,

It’s no myth! People are hooking up in MMOs. I personally know a couple who met in game, fell in love, and maintained a long distance relationship that eventually led to them moving in together and getting married. And I’ve heard a lot of other stories that include varying elements of that one.

The Story: Yeah, I joined a guild to go on raids with, and our Tank started hitting on me. I just sort of ignored it for a while, cuz I get hit on all the time in-game. But the more we raided, the better I got to know everyone in general, including the Tank. We started actually hitting it off, and then got to talking outside the group. One thing led to another, and now we’re dating! He lives 400 miles away, so we only get to see each other once in a while, but we’ll see how it goes.

This is the most common version of the MMO to IRL love story I hear. And there are a few things in this anecdote both present and absent that I suggest looking at REAL carefully before using SWTOR as your platform for love.

Likely Scenario 1 – You get ignored, because everyone and their mom tries to hit on girls in MMOs. Let’s face it, you’re not the first guy who’s put two and two together to realize that the girls who are playing are gamers and have at least as much exposure to Star Wars as they get in the game. That makes the girls ripe targets for getting hit up and flirted with whenever they reveal that the human playing that Twi’lek is a real-life female. If you start to make any gestures that are anything other than game related, or can even be construed as being hit on, you could get yourself put on her mental checklist of ‘another creeper who hits on girls in MMOs’. And you know you’re a good guy, you know you’re not trying to be a creeper… but what if she’s right? You sure as heck don’t instantly get along with every guy who likes MMOs and Star Wars, or who happens to be playing SWTOR. So why would you get along with a random girl you happen to come across in-game? And let’s say that you do spend a little while talking to her in-game first before you decide you want to flirt with her. She gets so many other advances, how is she supposed to tell you from the creepers? That’s unfair to you, really. But that’s how girls deal with getting hit on in these games. Chances are she’d only become receptive to flirtation after a long time of getting to know each other. And if you’re trying to date around, starting with girls who automatically stamp you with a ‘creeper’ label really just makes it twice as hard for you.

Likely Scenario 2 – If it works, it almost always becomes a long distance relationship.– Even if you’re able to isolate the gamers you hit on to just the East Coast, there is a LOT of East Coast in the US. We’re talking an average of a few hundred miles from any two random points chosen in East Coast states, not even counting the most northers or most southern ones. So just keep in mind that if you do hit it off with someone in the game, there’s a good chance that they live far away. And not that long distance relationships don’t work, I think in a lot of cases they do. But that much separation adds an extra layer of difficulty to a relationship that becomes more and more wearing on couples over time. It’s one of those things where you either agree to try moving closer to one another eventually, agree that you’re satisfied in a long-term relationship where you don’t have physical interactions often, or agree to also be allowed to see other people. If the idea of moving hundreds of miles sometime in the near future, or having a mostly non-physical relationship, or having an open relationship, doesn’t sound like what you’re looking for, then avoid long distance relationships. Which is the most common kind of romantic relationship that springs up in these games.

What’s missing here? – Notice that nowhere in this story does either partner mention they were looking for love. It’s usually an accident in these situations. You come in to play the game and boom! Love happens. Sometimes. Once in a while. One in few hundred thousand attempts at flirting. Maybe millions. What the math? I’m not a scientist. But do realize that there is almost zero chance that a girl logs into an MMO with even a shred of purpose for falling in love. It’s possible that some girls like the element of being flirted with in game. If you’re a rogue-kinda-girl, flirting is a great way to scam guys out of loot.

More likely though, is that she’s there for the same reason everyone else is, to kick ass and indulge in some unnecessary force-pushing mobs off of cliffs. Have you ever walked into a game store, or a booth at a con, when out of nowhere a stranger walks up to you and suddenly wants to be your best buddy because you were both looking at the same strategy guide? They start to follow you around talking about stuff you only half care about, really you just wanted to pick up a couple supplies, and now there’s this monkey on your back. That’s a little bit what it’s like for girls getting hit on in MMOs. So playing the game with the specific intention to try and find a girl to fall for, is more likely to make you look like a monkey to her than anything else.

So what to do instead? Go to places where girls are actually trying to find love. Dating websites, video game bars, etc. People tell me that it’s hard to find a good geek girl to fall in love with, but I think really it’s just hard to find love in general. But going to places where other people are receptive to it gives you a better chance. So go and play the crap out of SWTOR, just for the fun of it. If you meet a nice girl who you hit it off with, awesome! I happen to be having a grand ol’ time playing it. And personally, the only love I’m looking for in the game is the kind Corso Riggs gives my FemSmuggler during class cut-scenes. Frankly, I’m still stunned at how many rakghouls I had to blow up before he’d even consider holding her hand. And I’m loving it.



Sincerely,

Pink Hair Girl

If you’ve got a snag in your social life, cramping your g33k style, feel free to ask me for some advice!

Write to pinkhairgirl@g33kwatch.com.