THERE IS NO "I" IN SCSU

UNINFORMED SMACK ::

I am an understanding person. I know that last year, Texas A&M switched conferences and, in doing so, really messed with their ability to schedule quality out of conference games. I am also not going to sit here and rip on a small school because they are willing to accept a ton of money to come (please don't make me wrong here, God) get their asses handed to them on the football field. But here's the deal, I'm supposed to get on here and be funny. It's a lot easier to be funny when you're dealing with programs of note, but this isn't going to be that funny. It's going to come off mean if I rip on the school and stupid if I say nothing. I'm in a lose-lose situation here, so for the rest of this column, I'm just gonna riff. Let's make up some stuff and use the internet!

Facts about SCSU:

They have balls. Demographically, at 50% men and women, each student has an average of .99 balls. Metaphorically, they're an FCS team playing an SEC school away, each member of the football team has an average of 4.65 balls. There is an entirely separate equipment truck for the football team dedicated to hauling their balls cross-country to away games. The locker room is lovingly referred to as the "ball pit." These players are nuts. It's not going to make one vas deferens on the scoreboard, but you must respect the fortitude. Testicle joke.

They are the bulldogs: Much like two other opponents this year, this mascot is an ugly dog. Get some class and have a fluffy, pretty dog like we do. Also, make the dog more important than any student because that makes sense.

Marching 101 Band: They're good. Seriously, great band. The FTAB's polar opposite, but greatness happens on many levels. I wish they were traveling with the team, could have been really cool to see.

They Will Run The Table: After this game in the MEAC. MEAC also sounds like a cat with bronchitis.

Transparency, they has it: Seriously. These guys hide nothing! Commenters, find absurd numbers and question them.

Ben Folds Five is back! This has nothing to do with football, but their new video is just plain outstanding. Also, a little NSFW language on this one, but I think that this references the Waco tarp. If you can't draw a crowd...

Prediction: Ags 65 - SCSU 3

If Marching 101 came with them, I'd give SCSU 14 points. Since they're not, Johnny Football accumulates absurd stats in 2.5 quarters of play, the defense tightens up and the Aggies only commit 15 penalties this week.