Divina stood behind the living room window as she stared at Alden for the longest time. It was hard to see him through the vines that crawled up the walls and the moon as the only light outside, but she did. It was selfish, she realized, to have him stand there and wait when she could’ve just opened the door right when he called.

“Divina!” he said, making her heart skip a beat as her eyes went directly to the door. “Divina,” he called out again. “Alam kong naririnig mo ko, kaya please, lumabas ka na. Please. Magusap tayo!”

“Yaya, sino ba yang nasa labas? Gabi na!” she heard lola Tinidora say from her room. “Ang aga-aga magcaroling. Sabihin mo patawad! Sabihin mo na may mansyon nga tayo pero nakasangla!”

“Opo, lola!” Closing her eyes, Divina drew in a deep breath to calm down the nerves that wracked her body. Kaya ko ba to? she thought to herself as she moved one foot in front of the other and crossed the small distance to the door.

“Divi — ”

“Tulog na si lola, Alden,” she said as she stepped out the door, hoping and praying that she looked calm despite the fact that she felt like her heart was going to beat itself right out of her chest any second. ”Anong ginagawa mo dito?”

“Anong ginagawa ko dito?” He asked, stunned. So much so that all he could do was shake his head as he threw his hands up in the air. “Seryoso ka ba? Pumunta ako dahil gusto kitang tanungin kung anong nangyari sa pagiging team? Ano ibabale wala mo nalang ang lahat ng ganon ganon?”

“Alden — ”

“Divina, wait. Ngayon lang. Please. Patapusin mo muna ako,” he said, cutting her off as looked off to the side before bringing his attention back to her. His chest rose with the jagged breaths he took, his eyes darting in between hers as he tried to figure out what exactly was going through her mind. “Ikaw at ako, naalala mo pa ba yun? Tayong dalawa diba?”

She nodded.

“Kung naalala mo, bakit ganun lang kadali sayo na iwanan ako?”

“Dahil iniwanan mo na rin ako noon,” she immediately said, her chest rising and falling as her eyes met his. “Noong halos ayaw ni lola lumabas dati dahil akala niya kukunin ako ni Isadora. Noong nalaman ko na namatay si nanay dahil sa akin.” Furrowing her brow, she looked past his shoulders and towards the trees behind him for a minute to compose herself, her eyes glazing over with tears before she found it in her to bring her attention back to him. “Noong halos hindi ko na makilala sarili ko dahil yung alam ko tungkol sa pagkabata ko, hindi pala totoo.”

“Divina,” Alden said, frowning as he let what she just told him settle.

She was quiet for a moment. Her thoughts blank. She watched as he tried to say something but couldn’t, watched as his eyes slowly softened and stared back at hers with a type of sadness that made her chest tighten.

She wondered if he saw the same in hers too.

“Nasaan ka noon, Alden?” she asked as her eyes searched his face for something. Anything! “Oo, alam kong madami kang ginawa para sa atin dalawa, pero nung oras na talagang kinailangan kita, nasaan ka?”

“I’m sorry,” he replied as he took a step forward. She stepped back. Letting out a sigh, Alden ran his fingers through his hair, his shoulders slumped as he tilted his head to the side to look at her. “I’m sorry na wala ako dun para sayo nung time na yun. Pero, Divina, hindi ko naman kayang hatiin sarili ko. Hindi naman pwede na araw-araw nandito ako.”

“Alam ko naman yun eh,” she answered as she bitterly wiped the tears that fell on her face. “Kaya nga inuunahan na kita kasi narealize ko na may mga bagay talaga na dapat munang i-una.”

“Hindi ko — I don’t know where you’re going with this,” Alden said, confusion written all over his face as he tried to grasp on whatever he could to save something that seemed to drift further and further away. “Tungkol ba to sa kasal? Kasi kung tungkol to sa kasal, Divina, lumalaban naman ak — “

“Alden, hindi,” she sighed. “Look me in the eyes and tell me that if you were in my shoes, kapag nakikita mo na ako na yung nahihirapan dahil ipit na ipit na ako sa sitwasyon ko — kung yung lola ko, o ikaw ang pipiliin ko — hindi mo ba gagawin yung ginagawa ko ngayon? Lalo na kung alam mo na mas magiging okay na ang lahat dahil at least, nabawasan na problema ko?”

He turned to face Divina, his eyes locked into hers as she waited for him answer to her question. He wanted to say he wouldn’t, wanted to say that if he did have to choose between his or her happiness he’d choose his. But he knew better.

And she did too.

“Sasabihin ko kay lola na wag niya akong i-expect sa Sabado. Kakausapin ko ulit si Cindy. Si Frankie naman mukh — “

“Alden.”

“Ano?!” Panic rose up from Alden’s feet, his breaths coming in and out in spurts as he looked at everywhere and nowhere all at the same time. “Lahat naman ginagawa ko na ah,” he said, his voice coming down to a whisper as he bit back his tears.

Closing the gap between them, Divina wrapped her arms around him and held him, pulling herself as close as she could to him.

“Hindi,” Alden said, his voice cracking as he buried his head at the crook of her neck. “Ayoko.”