7 April, 2017. 11:23

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

While it’s standard Greens protocol to knock off early on a Friday afternoon and retire to a parliamentary courtyard for some jazz cigarettes and pinot gris, the party leader Richard Di Natale has reportedly taken things too far with a controversial member of the Senate this afternoon.

“He tried to read his palm,” confirmed Penny Wong, who giggled and stroked the lawn for most of the interview.

“Oh my God, that was funny. You should’ve seen the look on his face. Male hand touching that wasn’t hand shaking. Fuck me, you would’ve lost your shit. Do you want some Burger Rings?”

The member of the upper house Senator Wong was referring to was Australian Conservatives leader Cory Bernardi, who held his breath as he walked across the courtyard to ask Di Natale what on Earth he thought he was doing.

But rather than have his query answered, the Greens leader began to read Bernardi’s palm to the conservative’s disgust.

“Yeah his lifeline is looking a bit crook,” explained Di Natale as he powered his way through a 10-pack of McNuggets.

“Anyway, I’ll get one of my staffers to get some McDonald for everyone in a minute. Oi actually, does anybody want KFC? Hey, but yeah, Bernardi didn’t like it very much. I think he cottoned on that we’re all a bit jazzed right now. I mean, just look at Leyonheljm. He’s got his shirt off and he’s rolling around in the leaves. We’ll have to start calling him Russel Leyonheljm! [laughs] Get it?! [laughs] Oh scissor me timbers, that’s funny! [laughs]”

More to come.