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The first presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump provided so, so many reasons to break into the liquor cabinet and knock back some hooch.


Will Sunday night's second debate be any better? Given this weekend's emergence of Donald Trump's 2005 comments describing sexual assault, Trump's plunging poll numbers, a wave of defections and condemnations from Republican politicians, and Trump's waffling on whether he will bring up the decades-old infidelities of his opponent's spouse: Probably not!

So crack a 30-pack of cheap beer or screw open your favorite bottle of Trader Joe's cabernet—this one's going to hurt.


Here is your official drinking game for debate number two.

Take a sip every time Donald Trump uses one of the following adjectives:



Tremendous

Terrific

Terrible

Horrible

Awful

Disgusting

Big-League

Nasty

Disgraceful

Beautiful

Broad-shouldered

Strong

Tough

Illegal

Self-made

Fraudulent

Failing

Clueless

Take a deep breath, massage your temples, and take a sip for each mention of:



Tic Tacs

Billy Bush

Access Hollywood

Gennifer Flowers

Juanita Brodderick

The Starr Report

"Locker room banter"

Vince Foster

Breitbart.com

Linda Tripp

Monica Lewinsky

Altoids

The mainstream media

"Pussygate"

Finish your entire drink if Donald Trump:



Says that the real enemy is political correctness

Says that he has already apologized, and therefore does not need to apologize again

Says that he was "playing a character"

Says that "all men talk like that"

Says that, also, ahem, women say some pretty bad stuff about men

Claims that when he said that, he was young, and that he has really changed

Complains about his microphone

Complains about Hillary Clinton's microphone

Complains about the microphones on the Access Hollywood studio bus

Picks a fight with Anderson Cooper.

Picks a fight with Bill Clinton

Picks a fight with a former co-host of The View

Brags about receiving the endorsement of:



ICE

The National Enquirer

Ted Cruz

Lyin' Ted Cruz

Ted Cruz, son of JFK's assassin

A reader poll on ChicagoTribune.com

The Dilbert guy

Any Men's Rights Activist

A Twitter user who describes himself as a Democrat

Advances a conspiracy theory about Washington Post reporter Paul Farenthold

Claims that he has never been furniture shopping

Claims that Sean Hannity can corroborate the fact that he has never been furniture shopping

Claims that he doesn't even own furniture

Interrupts Hillary Clinton by leaning forward and saying the word "Wrong."

Claims that he is leading in polls

Advances the theory that the polls are rigged

Uses the phrase "false flag"

Attacks Republicans who have unendorsed him

Attacks Ted Cruz, just for kicks

Answers a question that is not about Bill Clinton with a sentence about Bill Clinton

Inexplicably brings up an old feud, including but not limited to:



Khizr Khan

Rosie O'Donnell

Judge Gonzalo Curiel

Megyn Kelly

The baby he kicked out of one his debates

Invites someone in the audience to go furniture shopping

Announces a launch date for Trump TV

After the debate, treat yourself to a nightcap when…

