Welcome to a new diary feature for Last Word on Sports. This weekly journal follows me, a 21-year-old Englishman, as I seek to learn about American… soccer. This won’t be a feature for all though. It won’t be in depth and pull up any thought-provoking questions (at least not yet), but instead it will give the eyes of a football fan in unknown territory.

If I manage to get names right, we could be onto something by the play-offs. As for now, I’ll be hoping to catch enough of games and bring my knowledge up to scratch. It is unfamiliar to watch a match and not recognise players, or even know anything about the teams! Maybe this could be the worst diary feature ever, maybe not.

The first match week has just finished and there is a fair bit to talk about for a rookie like me. Unfortunately, for some of you, it doesn’t have too much to do with the players…

The Hot Topic

The quality of everything in comparison to England was something I knew I’d look at eventually, so why not the first match of the season? I will do a review of this come the end of the season, and let’s see if I become more enlightened.

The players were all a mixed bag. From what I saw, and consider this is just one game in, there was some potential talent in every team, mixed with some players that would really struggle to impress Championship sides in England. The standout player for me had to be Nick Rimando, the Real Salt Lake goalkeeper. Of course, after pointing at him and announcing to no one in particular that he could make it to a top league, I realised he is 34. Back to the drawing board for my scouting mission. Overall, due to the inconsistencies of play, I’m going to give players a 5/10.

The support, in general, was good. Lots of bouncing and cheering, despite the poor conditions in some areas. This is something I will definitely need to do a review of come the close-season because it is too hard to judge fans on one game. ?/10

The commentary was a large part that stood out to me. The commentators did their job and the co-commentators did theirs. It sounds simple, but when you get imbeciles on ITV, Sky and BT Sport each week, you really appreciate it. There was no “I think he may be thinking…” from the co-commentary, but instead useful analysis and decision making. Another thing: I love the hyperbole, ridiculous phrases and passion. One commentator sounded genuinely sad after a goal had been scored, but he wasn’t the best. Oh no, that accolade goes to the genius doing the Sounders v Sporting Kansas game. What does “we’re going to sound like a broken horse” even mean? Add a little bit more craziness, but keep the good analysis and it will reach top marks. As for now, 9/10.

I Learnt:

That Kenny Miller can still finish pretty neatly. Probably in his element here. Technically gifted, but physically not made for English football.

Also realised that it’s going to be a long season. If you lot can keep up with it, it should get better!

And the rest…

The first thing that caught my eye was the sheer amount of sponsors everywhere. I don’t think a moment went by without two or three (at least) company names and logos plastered somewhere. It isn’t quite on NFL levels yet, but you can see how America loves its branding!

What is it with goalkeepers being so indecisive? The amount of times that I caught them running out, hesitating, and then being stranded in no-man’s-land, was absurd. The aforementioned Miller scored a delicious lob due to such an error.

The Question

Someone explain the ins-and-outs of designated players to me in the comments section or tweet it @pitchsidepie! Best explanation will be in next week’s edition!

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