Last week, actor Patrick Stewart wrote of his experience of growing up with a father who beat his mother . Here are readers' responses to that article

Last week, the actor Patrick Stewart – patron of the domestic violence charity Refuge – wrote about his experiences of growing up with a father who regularly beat and abused his mother. There were many heartfelt responses to the article – here is a small selection:

✒Patrick Stewart's article touches on something which is hidden and forgotten – the children trapped within violent marriages, not necessarily abused directly, but living with it, within it, for years. When you are five, six, seven and utterly dependent on your parents, there is no escape. I can remember telling my teacher that "my dad hits my mum". Nothing came of it and it was never mentioned again. The situation is so uncomfortable, it's easier to pretend it isn't happening.

Jane

✒My father was very abusive – mostly verbal – but the rows were constant, with little or no provocation from my mother. It pushed her into mental illness. I have grown up to detest male authority figures and to find many aspects of my own masculinity abhorrent. I wonder what creates such men, for I believe they are created, and for that they are not to blame. Yet [this means that], for the victims, there is not even the consolation of hating them. Only loneliness and emptiness.

James

✒My dad was a Vietnam vet and I identified a lot with Patrick Stewart's childhood experience. I don't remember too much, other than the feeling of dread as I walked home from school, hearing the shouting as I neared the door. I too would have gladly killed my father, yet I sobbed like a baby when he died.

Anonymous

✒I was abused by my ex-husband on and off for about 12 years. It was random and unpredictable, which made it all the more terrifying. People liked my ex-husband and thought that he was a warm, loving person – which he was, at least half the time.

Once, I managed to get to the safety of the bathroom and locked myself in with the phone, before calling the police. On that occasion a police officer took my husband into another room; I heard laughter – they were discussing house prices and how the stress of paying for our house must be hard for him.

I was still shaking uncontrollably, and my hair was coming out from where he had pinned me to the wall. The police officer took a statement from me, then left, telling us to "stay in separate rooms". As soon as he was gone, my husband looked at me with a cold fury; needless to say, he didn't fulfil his side of the agreement.

I have had good and bad experiences with the police, but women's refuges were a total godsend.

Name withheld

✒Patrick Stewart's article struck a chord. I endured the same, and worse [as a child] – as did my mother, of course. Not a day goes by when I do not suffer. In some ways it's a living hell.

Alex

✒I believe that there should be a domestic abuser register so that women with a new partner can have them checked out – not just for arrests and convictions, but also police call-outs. Some, if not most, abusers are clever or controlling enough to avoid arrest or conviction, no matter how obvious the situation.

Kevin

✒Thank you for highlighting Patrick Stewart's story of his father's abuse of his mother. I spent 18 years in a similar situation [to his mother] – my eldest child was born blue, asphyxiated, and consequently suffered all his life from a form of epilepsy, as a result of being born prematurely, after I was beaten by his father. I gave birth to three sons in all – two conceived in rape. Two of my sons grew up to hit their respective wives, and they dealt with this shortcoming by hanging themselves. It is my mission to educate every girl from the age of five that [abuse] is just not acceptable.

Alexa

✒Patrick's article put into words the feelings I went through growing up in similar circumstances – the loneliness of stepping in to stop the violence, the feeling of wanting to protect my mum, but irrationally still loving my dad.

Fortunately, as an adult, I am not one of the one in four women who become victims of this terrible abuse. I have a wonderful loving man to whom I have been married for the last nine years. This is my second marriage, and I would like to spread a few words of hope to those who have suffered that there are many exceptionally good men still out there.

Trisha

✒I lived in a household with an alcoholic father as well, and thankfully he rarely struck us, but his tongue lashed harder than his belt ever could. My sister suffered great emotional disturbances from it, and to this day, at 28, still struggles with body image issues, depression and rage. I internalised the damage and it took me well into my young adult life – I am 26 this year – to come to terms with how his actions affected me.

I too fell into the pattern of blaming everyone other than him for the problems. I blamed my sister for the verbal fights they would have; I blamed her for the screaming matches and the times he hit her. His actions have led to me having difficulties maintaining relationships with friends, family and sexual partners.

More light needs to be shed on the emotional aspects that continue long after the bruises heal. These are hard to see, and you can't call the cops for them.

Thomas

✒In 1997 my mother's partner of 10 years assaulted her and she told him to move out, which he did. What followed was at least a year of extreme and intense stalking. Our phone number was changed several times, letters would arrive on an almost daily basis, he would drive along our street constantly. On one occasion he arrived at the house when my mother was on her own and held a knife to her throat. When the police arrived he claimed that he was in the house to collect his knife and was not charged with any crime.

In many ways my mother was fortunate. He was not our father; they were not married; she informed the police of the initial assault. She had three sons aged 15, 17 and 19, each of whom had friends in the area. She was well known locally and people did call the police when they sensed trouble. One of her brothers was a high-ranking police officer who phoned him to warn him off. All of this was useless. I believe that the police were sincere in their attempts to protect my mother, and us, but frankly the law was, and is, pathetic. Men who behave like he did are engaged in terrorism.

When he was finally brought to court on charges arising from his year of stalking and the initial assault, the punishment was a fine of £1,500.

In my opinion, there should be extraordinary measures to contain domestic abuse. Like child abuse, it contributes to creating a new generation of abused people, abusers and criminals.

Stephen