I know elementary school teachers, coaches, and your parents told you that all that matters is that you do your best. Unfortunately, they all lied to you.

The professor who wrote this was responding to a fictional (albeit realistic) scenario: how would you respond to a student who asked for a grade change on a project because she “worked so hard on it?” The idea that you could work hard on something and not succeed is frustrating, especially to those with parents who ensure there is little disappointment for their kids.

Similarly, in our household, one of the most challenging conversations we have with our children is when we have promised something but then life happens, and we can no longer fulfill that promise: these discussions are hard from both a fairness and integrity perspective. But, the truth is, sometimes plans have to change. Right?

Imagine children growing up with parents who ensured everything in life was easy, calm, and predictable. From birth to leaving home, these children rarely witnessed or experienced a major life change or critical incident. They want a playdate: a playmate appears. They begin their education: their parents ensure they had the right school, teachers, and classmates. They play sports: they receive trophies just for being on the team. They are bored: some sort of device appears. Everything is neatly scripted, picture perfect.

Sarah Stanley Fallaw, Ph.D.

President, Data Points

This post originally appeared on the Data Points’ blog.