On the emotional front, Ronald initially noticed most of the support available in Singapore for single parents was directed at single moms. Yet he believes that women might find it slightly easier to cope because women are “more nurturing” by nature and “more open to socialising or networking to release the pressure”.

On the other hand, men “don’t do it”. It is just not a thing, apparently, to chit chat and talk to each other about their problems.

“My friends knew I was a widower. But probably because of our culture, many Singaporeans (even myself, I admit) don’t know how to handle situations like this. Till this date, none of my colleagues have dared to touch on this subject at all,” he explains.

Even so, he was advised not to shut himself out, though trite advice can occasionally have the opposite intended effect.

“People told me to go look for community, but it’s easier said than done. Do I knock on everybody’s door? Who’s going to care about me? Who is going to reach out to me? Everyone’s got their own problems,” he says.

Ironically, if his wife’s case hadn’t made national headlines, he might have closed himself off, and may not have gotten as much emotional support as he needed.

“During the court hearing [for the driver who killed my wife], the news was picked up by HCSA Dayspring SPIN, who reached out to me. I suppose they wouldn’t have come to me if the Straits Times hadn’t continued to follow up with me after my wife’s funeral,” he says.

Besides SPIN, Ronald also found unexpected support in the moms at Ronzo’s kindergarten and at Sengkang Methodist Church near his home, where he met a fellow widower.

Though Ronald admits he was never religious despite being brought up Christian, he constantly alludes to the presence of God in his life by saying, “Thank God”, every time he describes the blessings he’s received since his wife’s passing. Even the walls of his simple four-room flat are dotted with hand-drawn crosses by his sons, a framed Bible verse next to a family portrait that includes his wife, or posters with Christian values.

As a result of his newfound community and faith, he was able to “be stable again in such a short time”—something he never thought possible at the start.

“I hear many people in my position take a longer time, so I find it amazing that it took me less than a year. I believe if you spoke to me nine months ago, my tears may come down while I’m talking to you,” he shares.

While he may not exactly be brimming with infectious glee, his stoicism belies the quiet strength of someone who has allowed hardship to make him better, not bitter. There is no self-pity, but a necessary kindness he has learnt to give himself.

“If you can mentally conquer hardship, then it’s about staying positive. Of course, I’m also very lucky that my friends I count on for support stay around my area,” he says.