There’s an epidemic of unwanted behavior in our community that is damaging the relationship between ourselves and the wrestlers we proclaim to support. A scourge with lasting harmful effects that taints what should be a mutually beneficial relationship that contributes to the advancement of this weird and wonderful sport we all cherish.

And it’s quite a bit more serious than beach balls in the crowd.

The National Center for Victims of Crime’s Stalking Resource Centerdefines stalking as the following: “a course of conduct directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear.” Under their list of “Some things stalkers do,” the very first item is “Follow you and show up wherever you are.”

When he designated January 2016 as National Stalking Awareness Month, President Barack Obama wrote the following:

Stalking is not only a tremendous breach of one’s privacy and liberty, but its purpose is to cause victims to feel scared or anxious, terrorizing them and sometimes causing anxiety, insomnia, social dysfunction, and depression. It also has the potential to cause post-traumatic stress symptoms such as flashbacks, nightmares, and being constantly on guard. It is an affront to our basic humanity, and in some cases it can lead to more violent acts by the offenders…

I call upon all Americans to recognize the signs of stalking, acknowledge stalking as a serious crime, and urge those affected not to be afraid to speak out or ask for help.

Unfortunately, some segments of wrestling fans have not gotten the picture, instead camping out at airports and hotels to ambush wrestlers for photos, autographs, or whatever else. Let’s be clear: this is the very definition of stalking.

The all too common mentality that public figures do not have a right to privacy is a twisted and pernicious idea born out of ignorance and privilege. They are human beings, and like all people have lives outside of their profession. Public figures still have the expectation of privacy, and deliberately violating their personal space and time in non-work settings is arguably criminal behavior.

WWE Superstar Sasha Banks has frequently criticized this aspect of fan behavior, and raised the issue again recently on Sam Roberts’ podcast:

But always in the back of my head I never thought in my life to be like, ‘Hey, they’re gonna fly in. Maybe I should wait at the airport for 12 hours at a gate. Hey! They don’t want any sleep. Maybe I’ll go find their hotel they’re staying at and let me bother them.’

Like to me, that’s stalking. I don’t tweet out what hotel I’m at. I don’t tweet out what airline I’m flying. I do tweet you what arena I’ll be performing at, so I do expect fans at the arena, and I’m so happy to sign at the arena, that’s fine because I’m telling you where I’m going to be at. If I see you in public, that’s fine.

But when I’m at an airport at 4 in the morning and I see somebody with a carry-on and they open it with a hundred items of everyone and they’re bothering everybody to get an autograph, and I see it on eBay – that’s not okay to me.”

She’s right.

If you think for some reason that performers are in fact some way obligated to you outside of entertaining you during wrestling events or during designated meet-and-greets or signing sessions, remember this lesson: Wrestlers. Owe. You. Nothing.

Here is a handy but non-exhaustive list of what wrestlers do not owe you, a stranger:

Pictures

Autographs

Conversation

Social media interactions

The time of day

Anything other than entertainment provided as part of their occupation

Imagine for just one second that you’re in their shoes. Think of what it must be like to have complete strangers liable to approach you at any moment in your life with unknown intentions.

If you find yourself thinking, “I would be nice and polite because after all they’re just fans and want to wish me well,” realize this: you have the ability to believe this notion because you actually have the power of anonymity. You’ve likely not been exposed in your life to random strangers who believe that you owe them something simply for existing. Professional wrestlers, like other public figures, do not have this under appreciated gift.

This is especially true for female wrestlers, or indeed female public figures of any kind. Moreover, stalking is directly connected to cases of sexual harassment and sexual assault. One only needs to look at the social media feed of any female wrestler or public figure for about three seconds to see a litany of vile and disgusting comments, overwhelmingly but not universally from men, who feel the power to insult, belittle, or make crass sexual remarks about someone solely because of their gender.

When Alexa Bliss was recently stopped by a fan to pose for a picture, she was going out of her way to accept the intrusion in her life. Unfortunately, that gesture was not met with appreciation in some quarters. Twitter user @MaxwellRBR found online comments of multiple fans mocking Bliss: “For those who think Alexa Bliss is so hot, is [sic] what she really look like.”

The insult is doubly gross considering Bliss’ very public acknowledgment of her history with body image issues. Not that this would ever cross the mind of the misogynists slating her. Some surprise then that some like Banks are reticent to allow strangers to ambush them for pictures or autographs in random places at random hours.

Speaking of Banks, this SummerSlam weekend the old myth that she’s “mean to fans” gained new life, and even resulted in some booing her during SummerSlam’s Raw Women’s Championship match. Cited as evidence were an apparent altercation that occurred when she left her hotel with her husband to get food and was booed by rabid “fans” after not acknowledging them, and that during her appearance at TakeOver: Brooklyn III, she was “cold” to fans. The former situation is a clear example of aforementioned harmful behavior, and any who would use it against her are showing their hand as either active participants in stalking or enablers of it.

At TakeOver, I randomly happened to be seated directly on the aisle that Banks, Bayley, and Becky Lynch walked up and down to get to their temporary ringside seats. At least one nearby audience member shouted repeated sexual harassment at Banks while she was seated before being told to shut up by surrounding fans, and several others also sent hostility Bayley’s way as well.

When the Horsewomen walked back down the aisle after the NXT Women’s Championship match, it was impossible to miss how obviously upset both Banks and Bayley were due to their treatment. It was crushing to see, quite frankly, and leaves little wonder as to why she didn’t joyously interact with other audience members.

To believe either aforementioned incident is legitimate evidence that Banks dislikes fans is disingenuous in the extreme and whitewashing dangerous behavior by “fans.” The following video is a much more representative example of how a performer acts when they’re not being stalked or sexually harassed:

@SashaBanksWWE @WWE Thank you Sasha Banks for making Jahnelles dream come true! You are an awesome role model!#CerebralPalsy pic.twitter.com/OCPckOFbdG — Holli Bobick (@bobickh) December 19, 2016

Indeed, clearly hates fans.

There’s a clear connection between the sorts of disgusting remarks noted above and fans wrongly taking umbrage that wrestlers were “mean” to them, and you’re kidding yourself if you think the performers themselves don’t see it. Both assume that the performers exist for the sole purpose to serve whatever the fan’s desire, whether on or off the clock. Both have the effect of treating the performers as less than human, and instead as an object. And notably, both are most often and most virulently directed at female performers rather than their male counterparts.

Indeed, Seth Rollins tweeted similar complaints this March regarding airport stalkers.

Gathering intel on flights. Staking out baggage. Intrusively demanding autographs. That's called stalking. It's not okay. Stop doing it. — Seth Rollins (@WWERollins) March 5, 2017

Rollins also previously expressed his displeasure with stalkers in a 2015 interviewwith the Chicago Tribune:

I’m not mean to fans because I’m a bad guy. I’m mean to them because they’re rude. If they stalk me at the airport at 4 in the morning, don’t expect to get a picture. That’s not OK. They can’t hang outside my hotel or come to the gym and stare at me for a half hour and expect me to be like “Cool. Awesome.” My favorite thing is to just run into fans coincidentally. Today the National Car Rental guy recognized me and got so excited and wanted to take a picture. Awesome. It was a fan that happened to run into me. To me, there’s a distinct difference. Don’t get me wrong — our fanbase is super passionate and I love them, but there’s a difference between stalking me at the airport and just happening to see me.

Consider also the recent case of an unhinged Twitter user expressing frustration with Bullet Club members for not liking or commenting on his tweets to them. In a since-deleted tweet containing multiple images that laid out his complaints in writing, he expressed disappointment and anger that after buying a plethora of merchandise, Bullet Club members were no longer liking his tweets. He felt that he was not receiving proper due for being such a “good” fan of theirs.

Let’s be clear. No matter how many items of merchandise you buy of theirs, no matter whatever slew of compliments you offer them in writing or on social media, remember the cardinal rule: wrestlers owe you nothing. If you think for one second that you are indeed owed something by them, realize this: you’re not a good fan, nor are you even particularly a fan. You are assuming a transactional relationship that is constructed and exists entirely in your own mind, a sign of mental unhealthiness.

But both times Rollins made those comments, the reaction was minimal in comparison by both fans and people in the business. When the Bullet Club rant came out, the reaction was rightful derision at the “fan.” Yet when female performers speak out, the reaction is much more neutral. This is very much not an accident.

It’s never right if a fan makes unwanted, obscene, or hostile comments to a male performer outside the confines of the show, but there is a crucial element lacking that differentiates it from fans attacking female wrestlers. When the latter occurs, the words, born out of an affirmed privilege, carry an implicit threat: react the way I want, or I will continue. This is the truth of living in an harmfully patriarchal society. It’s no accident that women are disproportionately likely to be victims of stalking, and are more likely to have their stalkers progress into increasingly violent and dangerous behavior.

So the next time you want to call a wrestler “mean” or a “bitch” for some perceived slight, think outside of your own bubble and realize that there’s a very good chance you are whitewashing or actively engaging in activity toward someone that would be unwanted by any reasonable human being. Instead of lashing out in anger or mocking derision, consider the behavior as one of an innumerable series of interactions that led to someone feeling wary, insecure, or afraid. Most importantly, remember that the only person who gets to define what is unwanted behavior is the person on the other end of it.

What you should not do, ever, is downplay the incident with ignorant takes born out a blind and outdated worldview, or else you’ll expose yourself for the dolt that you are.

Never worry about fans waiting at an airport at 5am asking for your autograph. Worry when they're NOT there at 5am asking for your autograph — Bubba Ray Dudley (@bullyray5150) September 3, 2017

Human dynamics are complicated, certainly. There’s every chance the intentions were pure or innocent, that perhaps some contribution to the feeling of insecurity was accidental. But misunderstandings happen, especially in a relationship dynamic as tenuous and incomplete as fan and performer. Recognize that sometimes intentions are less important than results. If someone feels uneasy, you have a responsibility to modify your future behavior and inform the behavior of others to decrease the chance of the problem worsening.

Instead of reacting with hostility, display some introspection and check yourself. There can be no true “revolution” until these damaging attitudes are wiped clean from the fanbase, and ignorant oafs in the industry are cast to the dustbin of history where they belong.