In a brutally honest chat, the recently retired Gautam Gambhir tells ESPNcricinfo about his 'two faces', his on-field confrontations, and the pressure of an IPL price tag, among other things

Gautam Gambhir, former India cricketer - how do you like the sound of that?

Like it, love it, because I think it just takes the entire pressure off my shoulder as well, which I've literally carried for 20-25 years, and I think now I can relax, now I can concentrate on other things which I've missed for the last 15-20 years being on the road, and obviously I've got a young family so it's time for me to spend some time with them, because I've really missed spending time with them, and it's time now to just enjoy that side of life as well.

Congratulations on your last game, you're one of those lucky few who've got a hundred, that too playing at your home ground. Second thoughts now, about your retirement, now that you've struck some good form?

Absolutely not. I wish I was 27, I could have thought about it, but I'm unfortunately 37, plus, at the same time, when there's nothing… when your runs can't take you anywhere forward, there's no point scoring those runs as well, and I think it's better that a young kid can come in and score runs and then dream of playing for India and probably do something special for India as well. That is how I've always thought about it. Till the time I was thinking that my runs can take me forward and try and get me a national call-up I was giving everything I had, but the day I thought that it's not going to take me anywhere, there was no point continuing.

One is the national call-up, which you thought may not come, which is why you took that decision. The other school of thought is, you were doing fairly well in the IPL - maybe a season or two there?

Look, I've always actually believed that IPL, for me, was serious cricket. It's not about money, and I've always thought that I'm going to score runs in first-class cricket and I'm going to score runs in IPL, which is going to help me get a national call, so that is how I used to think of IPL. IPL is a platform where you could actually go on to play for India as well, because that is a huge platform for any cricketer playing in this country, and it only adds up to your profile if you have a good first-class season plus you've had a decent IPL season. But the day you have this thought in your mind that wherever you score, however many you score, you're not going to go anywhere forward, there was no point playing, because there's not much left to achieve in IPL either.

I think you've won it twice - there's one thing I wish I could have won, that was Champions League, which doesn't happen unfortunately anymore. Yes, you could have won thrice, you could have been the No. 1 ranking of top run-getters and other stuff, but I thought that IPL for me was another platform where I could go on to play for India. When I thought that it's not going to happen, there was no point continuing playing IPL either.

"... I would not be honest if I say that money is not a huge pressure. Whoever says that money is not a huge pressure would be lying to you."

Looking back at your career, there are two ways of looking at it. One, did you wish that you could be one of those that played 100 Test matches, or are you happy with the fact you were one of those who got to play for India?

Absolutely happy and honoured to be given the opportunity to do something special for India, for your country. I had never had this dream of playing 100 Test matches or scoring 15- or 20,000 international runs. When I picked up the bat for the first time in my life, probably when I was four or five, my only dream was to be part of the World Cup-winning team, and that was my ultimate dream, and probably that dream was so strong that I only ended up playing one World Cup, 50-over World Cup, and ended up being part of the World Cup-winning team. There have been so many cricketers who've played for 15-20 years, have played three or four World Cups, and never been part of the World Cup-winning team. Had that dream of scoring 10,000 or 15,000 international runs been so strong, I could have done that, but that dream was never there. The dream was always to be part of the World Cup-winning teams, and that is how I was, growing up, and that is why I picked up the bat.

For people who've seen you from beyond the boundary, you've been an enigma. Now I want to really know which is the real Gambhir. Is it the one that can be in a gathering of a hundred people and yet be the quietest person, or is it the one who can be on a cricket field and yet almost come to fisticuffs with the other guy. Are you Gautam - which is Buddha, calm - or are you Gambhir?

Look, I can be both. I can be the quietest person off the field and I can be the most aggressive person on the cricket field. There are these two faces that I have, the reason is completely different. I like being aggressive on the cricket field because I haven't gotten anything so easily, I had to fight for everything when it comes to my profession. When I was a 12-year-old kid, when I went for the Under-14 selection for the first time in my life, I got rejected. Then I got rejected when I was absolutely deserving to be part of the Under-19 World Cup where I was the highest run-getter in the entire country. I got rejected then as well. I had to really score a lot of runs to be part of the Ranji Trophy team and then, obviously, I was in and out for a very long time there as well. I was pushed to play Under-19 when I had really done well against Karnataka in my second game, then I was pushed to go and play Under-19s and I still had to come back and score a lot of runs in Under-19s to come back in the first-class team.

And then, 2007, again I still believe that I should have been part of that World Cup team which went to West Indies and I missed it and that was probably the lowest moment of my career. So nothing had come easy to me. I could never afford to let my guard down and that is probably the only reason I could not smile more and could not enjoy more as well. A lot of times people have asked me this, that I don't smile enough, but there's a lot of history behind that as well. Everyone wants to smile, everyone wants to enjoy as well, but I couldn't, because I wish I could have got things easily and I didn't get it so that probably was the reason why I had to be aggressive and had to fight every inch to get where I wanted.

Gautam Gambhir during a nets session Gareth Copley / © Getty Images

Since you've mentioned the smile bit, I just saw SRK (Shah Rukh Khan, the actor and owner of Kolkata Knight Riders) congratulating you on a great career, but he has a suggestion for you - smile a little more. Now that the pressure's off?

Look, I wish he would have given me less money, because that was a huge pressure on me as well and I would not be honest if I say that money is not a huge pressure. Whoever says that money is not a huge pressure would be lying to you. I think, for me, the kind of individual I am, I think the biggest pressure when I got picked for KKR (for USD 2.4 million) was about money. First was the money, the amount of money, because I thought I had to be worthy enough to get that money, so the first thing was to try and score my own runs, and try and help KKR revive.

That probably was a lot of pressure, and then obviously I was fortunate enough that we could qualify for the playoffs in the first year and then the monkey was off the back when we won in 2012 as well. But again, I thought the money I was getting, I had to prove that I am worth taking this much of money, so probably for seven years, that was a pressure as well, plus there was a pressure of changing the culture, plus there was the pressure of turning the fortunes as well. All I did, and all I want to say is, thanks to all the owners because they gave me a lot of freedom to work the way I wanted to. They've given me a lot of freedom, they've given me a lot of responsibility, they've trusted a lot in me as well, they've never questioned what I wanted to do and I hope that I've lived up to their expectations.

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Taking on from your answer, do you then think the money in the IPL is over the top? Would it make it tough for players to perform, especially young players?

I don't know about other people. For me it did. For me in 2011 I felt the pressure, and I felt the pressure for seven years. It was not only in 2011, I felt the pressure even after winning in 2012, I felt the pressure in 2013, I felt the pressure in 2015 when we won in 2014. It really depends on an individual, there will be individuals who will turn around and say, I've not asked for this money, it's up to them to end up giving me that money, but there are people like me who would say that if I've got that kind of money, I have to deliver. I can't just look at myself in the mirror and say that I get a certain amount of money and I have scored only this much amount of runs. I think, how can I justify my own self if I haven't performed with the bat, and getting that much amount of money as well, so there was a lot of pressure from my personal performance plus there was a whole lot of pressure from the point of view of changing the fortunes of the team as well.

Since you talk about money, did you not feel that pressure playing for, let's say, Delhi in the Ranji Trophy? Where you were not getting paid as much?

I felt the pressure even when I was playing Ranji trophy because I felt that was the platform where I could keep scoring runs and can fulfil my ultimate dream of playing for India, so that was a completely different pressure. There are completely different kind of pressures when I was playing for [Delhi] and when I was playing for KKR - that was, there was money involved, there was the responsibility of turning the fortunes. Delhi because obviously I had to score a lot of runs to be part of the first-class team, plus this was the only platform which I had where I could actually keep scoring runs and get a national call up, because times have changed. There's so much of India A, Emerging Trophy, India B and all that kind of stuff. When I was growing up there was only Under-19s, Ranji Trophy and India. Or there was an odd Board President's XI side game against a touring team, so Ranji Trophy was the only platform which I had to showcase my talent and try and achieve my ultimate dream.

MS Dhoni and Gautam Gambhir have a chat AFP

Going back to your international cricket, I'm going to take names of four cricketers. You're going to tell me whether you'll be sending them a Christmas/Id/Diwali card every year. Let's start with Shane Watson. Would you?

I will. I don't mind doing it, because I think we've been fierce competitors on the field and there was nothing wrong with it as well. I think if someone is so passionate and they want to win a game of cricket for their country, there's nothing wrong in it. I've always believed, I remember in one of the conclaves I said - someone asked me, do I regret all the confrontations I've had on the cricket field, and I said not at all, and if I had to do it in future, with the same people or even more, for the best interest of my team, I will be the first one to stand and say that I am ready to do that, so there are no regrets.

So should I take the other three names or will the answer be the same?

Absolutely the same, because I have no regrets doing it.

Okay, so the other names, of course, were going to be MS Dhoni, Virat Kohli, and Shahid Afridi…

My answer remains the same - for the best interest of the team if I had to do it, get into the confrontation again with the same people, I'll be the first one to do that.

Just going back to that incident, now that you've retired, you have time to look back on that situation - the comment that was made much of in the media with regards to MS Dhoni finishing that game in the last over, when you had made that comment. Now looking back, was it presented in the right way? Were you misunderstood at that time? Did you genuinely feel, yes, the game could have been finished earlier, or was it the fiery Gautam Gambhir who said it because he felt that he was being mistreated in the team?

Not at all. I was absolutely misunderstood in that, because I remember that we went to Australia as the World Champions, and we were chasing down 230 (270), and I had not taken a dig on anyone. It was not my responsibility, the point was, it was absolutely not shown in the right spirit as well, during that press conference. I remember someone asked me - do you think that this game should have gone that deep, and I said, absolutely not. Being the World Champions, you've got to go out there and dominate the game, not take it that deep as well. It had nothing to do with me trying to push someone down or put someone down, it is just about that when you are chasing 230, on a wicket like Adelaide, and being the World Champions, and trying to dominate white-ball cricket, you've got to go out there and be so dominating that it can have an impact on the rest of the games as well.

When you just try and scrape through, when you end up chasing a total like 230 in the last over, probably you're giving other people this thinking that this team can be beatable. You put 250 or 260 on the board, we can beat this opposition. But you end up chasing that 230 in probably 40-42 overs with seven or eight wickets in hand, you've dominated the game, and you've shown that we're here not only to scrape through but we're here to dominate this one day series. This was exactly my take. I remember MS won us the game, MS had hit Clint McKay or someone for a six in the last over, probably he's the one who won us the game as well, but it was only about being more dominating, and that is why you play the game of cricket as well. Look at the Australian side of the past, they've dominated world cricket, they've got 400 runs in a day, that was their ultimate aim, to get 400 runs in 90 overs in a Test match. They've done it, and been so dominating, that is the reason I said that being world champions, you should play like world champions.

Sachin Tendulkar and Gautam Gambhir walk with the trophy Getty Images

Do you think your comments - as you say, misunderstood - could have been misconstrued because of the fact that, at that time, there was this new trend that came along, that the openers have to be rotated. How did you take that?

Look, it was probably the most shocking thing that I've ever heard that, in 2012, that people who are scoring runs will be rotated. If MS had decided this, or if the management has decided this, they should have stuck with that policy. They didn't. Initially they started with that policy, but when it became a must-win situation for the team, we all three played. We all three played in Hobart, when we had to win a game against Sri Lanka where we had to chase it down in 35 overs, I'm not sure how many overs we had to chase it down. Sachin and Sehwag opened, I batted at three, Virat Kohli batted at four. In Gabba, all three of us played where Viru captained the side.

So, if you've decided on something, and if you feel so strongly about that something, stick to it, don't change it midway. Either you were wrong at that time, or you were wrong when you've changed your own policy. If you've taken a stand, and believe in it - if you don't believe in it then it's different - but if you believe in it so strongly, stick to it irrespective of what the results are.

Now, looking back at your career, if you could pick three moments that will always stay with you.

The New Zealand Test series… winning a Test series abroad was always my ultimate dream and probably some of my lowest moments as well, when we got thrashed in England and in Australia, 4-0 and 4-0, after 2011.

South Africa, Cape Town - where I batted the whole day, on day five where it was up and down and we could draw the series, the only time we've been able to draw the series in South Africa. It was up and down, with the likes of Dale Steyn, Morne Morkel, Jaques Kallis and [Lonwabo] Tsotsobe.

And the third thing probably will be the World Cup final... The only thing that can come right now is World Cup final, because that was at home and that was my first World Cup of any sort.

Gautam Gambhir is distraught after his first golden duck AFP

Now the grapevine suggests that Gautam has quit cricket because he may be heading towards politics. Is this also misunderstood?

Absolutely misunderstood, I've never even thought about it. I've done something for the last 25 years and I'd like to stay in the present as well. I don't know whether I'm good at anything else apart from playing cricket, because you literally have done this all your life, and day in, day out, you've had the ups, you have the lows. You've been hard on yourself, so I don't know if I'm going to be good at anything else or not, so politics is something which is a completely different field as well. Just because I tweet, just because I tweet on certain issues, doesn't mean that I'm trying to get into politics as well.

It is just because I tweet because I believe that as a citizen and as a taxpayer of this country I've got all the right to take up social issues because I strongly believe that what we have got to leave for our next generation is something which is our responsibility, and it is the responsibility of the current government or whichever government it is, whether it is Aam Aadmi Party or BJP or Congress, it is their responsibility to answer it back as well. That's why they've been elected, so if you take up social issues it doesn't mean that you're inclined towards politics.

My next question was going to be on those political tweets, but you've clarified that. Staying with a tweet, one of the tweets that came along was cricket-related, which created a bit of controversy, with regards to Mohammad Azharuddin ringing the bell at that time in the [T20I] at Eden Gardens. Many agreed with you, but if I was to play the devil's advocate, some may say that he got a clean chit by the court.

But the fact is he hasn't. Only his ban was removed, he was never given a clean chit. I've read the report as well. I don't do tweets just for the heck of doing it or just to take publicity out of it. Obviously that is not something which was there. Had it been that he was given a clean chit from CBI - it wasn't the case. Only his ban was removed and still, if you go through the report, it says that yes, there's been something wrong that has happened, which he has done wrong. To be honest, I'm sure if you ask other cricketers as well, when we go for this ICC… before any big event, whether it's IPL, when we go for this anti-corruption meeting, it is very clear there, they take his name. They take his name, there are other cricketers which they show on the screen as well. I'm sure ICC would not do something like this [lightly]. ICC is such a big organisation, they run the cricket throughout the world and I'm sure they're not going to do something like this, where they're going to show someone who hasn't done anything wrong.

And I felt let down by the BCCI, I think BCCI or CoA or whoever is in charge at the moment should have taken this as well. Okay, you've allowed him to contest elections, that's fine, that's up to the country to elect him, whether they want him as a Member of Parliament or not. But I've absolutely and thoroughly believed in it, and that is the kind of policy that I've had. If someone has done something wrong, especially of this sort, he's got no place in my life and I'm going to stand by what I believe, what I said.

"If you don't feel emotionally about something, you will never care about that something. If you don't care about Delhi cricket, which has given you the platform to go out there and fulfil your dream, and you don't want to commit yourself to that state, that state doesn't need you."

As a stakeholder in cricket, would you then want some steps to be taken? So one thing is, as the International Cricket Council, or as the BCCI, that you can ensure that they don't play active cricket. Would you like some other steps taken, so that, as you're saying, certain elements that are tainted, if I could use that word, should be kept away, whether it is via broadcasting or in any other way?

Absolutely. Look what Hansie Cronje went through, he's done something wrong, and South Africa didn't even allow him to enter the ground as well. Look at what happens in India, tainted players end up being Members of Parliament. Imagine, if this is how politics is going to run in this country, good luck, because I believe that a tainted individual is not a young kid that he doesn't know what is right and what is wrong. No one has to tell me what is right or wrong, no one has to tell you, after a certain age. I'm not a five-year-old kid that my mom-dad has to tell me this is not right, that is not right. After one age, I know what is right and what is wrong, so if you've made a mistake, you've probably got to face the consequences as well. If I make a mistake tomorrow, if I become a tainted cricketer, face the consequences, probably at that time, whatever they've done, they just got carried away with certain things. If you get carried away at that stage, you've got to face the consequences, and that should stay with everyone, whoever's done something wrong should face the consequences.

I'm coming back to active cricket. There's a series on at the moment. I want your thoughts on a gentleman that you've worked with closely, with Justin Langer. I know you went down to Australia [to work with him]. Now he's become coach of Australia. What do you think he would bring to the table?

He'll turn the fortunes of Australian cricket. I think the best thing the Australian board has done is they've appointed him as the Australian coach, because there couldn't have been anyone better than Justin Langer to take this Australian cricket forward, especially after what they've gone through, after the South Africa episode, that sandpaper episode in South Africa. I think if there's one gentleman who can take Australian cricket forward, it's Justin Langer, that is how much I respect him and that is how much I know of the person, and that is how honest he is to his profession, whether when he played the game plus when he's coached Western Australia or Perth Scorchers, and I'm sure he's going to turn it around. He just needs a little bit of time.

Finally, I'm coming back to Delhi cricket. Because now you can look back, many would say that in the decade that you played or around that time, Delhi has been the most outstanding nursery of Indian cricket. I don't think any other region has produced as many India cricketers as Delhi has. Keeping that in mind, do you think Delhi has underachieved in the Ranji Trophy? I think there's only one title to show for [in that period]?

Big time, I think we won in 2007[-08] after 16 years, and it's been 10 long years and we haven't won anything. We reached the final last year but Delhi being Delhi, we should have dominated first-class cricket as well. Look at where Bombay is. Bombay has won 40-odd times, you've won eight times, so there's not even a comparison. Why do you tell yourself that you're the powerhouse of Indian cricket, powerhouse of Indian cricket remains Mumbai because they've dominated Ranji Trophy. Okay, you've given a lot of players to Indian cricket, but obviously the thing is you still haven't dominated first-class cricket, and I wish that Delhi could have won more titles regularly, because 16 years gap, then we won the Ranji Trophy, and now it's been 10 years, we haven't done anything since then, so obviously it's a little unfortunate.

Gautam Gambhir directs an adjustment on the field BCCI

Do you think one major reason why that hasn't happened, between Delhi and Bombay, because you made that comparison, is that a lot of star players are never available for Delhi. You're an exception who's played a lot, but just to quote an example of a Rohit Sharma, who's a regular in the team, the first opportunity he got, he turned out for Bombay - that doesn't happen in Delhi, that culture doesn't exist.

That's the mistake of the selectors - don't pick them. I've been very clear and I've been very honest that someone who is not committed to play for his state side should never be allowed to play for the state side, because this is the platform which has got you to international cricket. When you wanted this opportunity, you got this opportunity and you ended up playing for the country, but now when the state wants you, you don't want to give it back to the state, you've got no right to come back with your own whims and fancies, with your own wishes, and say that, now I won't…

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But would that be a solution, because a lot of them would be happy not being picked for the state.

But then which state would you play for? Go play as a professional [for another Ranji team], you'll know how tough it is. See how many people have gone as a professional and how many people have succeeded. Very few. Your state team is your own state team, plus you've got to have that emotional connect as well. If you don't feel emotionally about something, you will never care about that something. If you don't care about Delhi cricket, which has given you the platform to go out there and fulfil your dream, and you don't want to commit yourself to that state, that state doesn't need you. That is what I'm very clear about, and that is why I've always told the selectors [not to pick them]. Sometimes selectors do not have the spine to do it.

Final question. Now that your cricket career is done from all forms of the game, there are two types of people - one who end up playing cricket for the fun of it because they've done it all their lives, some don't ever do it [again]. Which are you?

I'm not going to touch my bat ever again, not because I don't love the game. I'm going to love it till death. I'm going to probably watch the game, probably going to the ground and watch Ranji Trophy, probably watch it on the television as well. But I can't bat anymore, because there's nothing left in the tank. I've been so hard on myself when it comes to my batting, the practice sessions I've had for so many years, for literally 20 years, have been very very strenuous, have been very tough as well. I'm absolutely done with batting, there's nothing left to pick up the bat. Not that there's no passion. There's no fuel in the tank.