The more Nancy Pelosi tries to get people to take her seriously, the more ridiculous she is. During the impeachment vote, it was, “Everyone will take us seriously if we all just wear black.”

For an entire month after that, it was, “Everyone will take us seriously if we withhold the articles of impeachment from the Senate.” This week, it was, “Everyone will take us seriously if we have a solemn procession across the floor of the Capitol.” No? Not that? How about fancy ceremonial pens? Would that make anyone take them seriously? Any takers? Nancy stopped just short of ordering commemorative plates from the Franklin Mint to see if that might convince America we’re in a Very Serious Crisis.

Pelosi lost this fight before it even started because there was never any chance Trump would be removed from office by the Senate. That became clear way back in October. Everything she did after that amounted to taking multiple trips to the punishment buffet and stuffing her face.

Madame Speaker is the new Dean Wormer. Nothing she had in her arsenal carried any more mojo than Wormer’s sinister threat to the livelihood of Animal House. She might as well have threatened President Trump with Double Secret Impeachment.

Pelosi’s doomed impeachment gambit can’t even be classified as historic. Sorry, Fancy Nancy, but the third time something happens isn’t historic. Quick: Who was the third man on the moon? The third of anything isn’t history. It’s just trivia.

After Pelosi’s little impeachment show flops harder in the Senate than “Cats” did in the multiplex, Trump will return to nonstop trolling of her on the campaign trail. The pertinent sports term is “posterizing.” In every poster-worthy photograph of a particularly exceptional touchdown catch or mythic slam dunk, in the near background there’s always some woebegone defender standing there, deflated and despairing and questioning his life choices. That’s poor Pelosi: posterized.

Pelosi is a canny political operator and so she must be fully aware of what I call Omar’s Law, from “The Wire”: You come at the king, you best not miss. So why did she go through with this folly, sign up for ritual humiliation and invite the people she probably hates most on this earth — Trump and Mitch McConnell — to outsmart her?

She must have taken to heart the yammering of the #Resistance caucus in the House led by Rashida Tlaib’s notorious vow, “We’re gonna impeach the motherf–ker.”

She got a contact high from the skunky, funky aroma given off by the not-at-all partisan and totally-playing-it-straight media, led by the infamous Washington Post story saying “The campaign to impeach President Trump has begun,” which ran 19 minutes after Trump was sworn in as president.

The story was credited to the paper’s “Enterprise/investigations editor” instead of the Conjectures, Wishcasting and Fantasy desk, and breathlessly reported that daffy advocacy groups had launched a Web site “hinging their case on Trump’s insistence on maintaining ownership of his luxury hotel and golf course business while in office.”

Ah, remember when the Emoluments Clause was the Fairy Godmother of the #Resistance? We were all so young then. Pelosi spent the intervening three years muttering about all of the Trump misdeeds she was unable to do anything about. It was exactly like Dean Wormer gravely intoning, “Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode.”

What Nancy Pelosi is going to get out of this little gambit is zip. Nada. A non-chilada with a side of naught sauce. Trump will never stop laughing at her. In fact, she has supplied him with the means to laugh all the way to reelection.

Kyle Smith is critic-at-large at National Review