Even as a child, Warren Farrell had little patience for the gender roles mandated by society. His family was conventional enough: a New Jersey suburban home, three children (he was the oldest), an accountant father who was definitely the primary earner.

But the young Warren refused to be pigeonholed by anyone's view of proper behavior for a boy. In seventh grade, he entered -- and won -- a beauty contest for boys. "I was elected class prince," he recalled with a still-proud laugh. In eighth grade, he was tagged as a math whiz, but he found math too boring to pursue. Although he was tall and athletic, he hated fighting, so, of course, he attracted the taunting of the local bullies in high school. He finally fought one. He won, and the bully clique respected him after that.

"It made me sad -- winning a wrestling match is such a stupid reason to respect someone," he said.

Dr. Farrell always suspected that women tended to undermine themselves. One day, while he was teaching urban politics at Rutgers, he attended a convention at which one attendee, an attractive young woman, wanted to make a point but was beset with stage fright. "I encouraged her to speak up, and when she did, she blew everyone away," he said. She and Dr. Farrell soon married and, after she became a well-known corporate executive, she offered to be primary breadwinner while he pursued a doctorate in political science from New York University. (He asked that her name be withheld to protect her privacy.) He did his dissertation on the women's movement.

"My wife's income allowed me to do what I really loved," he said. "I realized that women's liberation is men's liberation, too."

After they divorced -- they remain friends, he said -- Dr. Farrell moved to San Diego, where he still lives. Ten years ago he met, and eventually married, Liz Dowling, a California entrepreneur with two daughters -- Alex, now 17, and Erin, 18. Although he has written extensively about issues like sexual harassment and fatherhood, he says he is not spurred on by personal experiences. "I've always been motivated to stop people from doing dysfunctional things," he said.

Which, of course, provided a nice segue into his thoughts on how women can stop the self-sabotage that so often leads to low pay. Refreshingly, he steered clear of advice about body language, attitudes, dress and communication skills; women are already better at all of those than men, he said. But he did offer other observations:

There can be good jobs in fields you think you hate. So what if you are all thumbs. "A woman with organizing skills can run a construction company without ever picking up a hammer and nail," Dr. Farrell said. Do you like medicine, but can't stand blood? "Pharmacists can make as much as doctors," he said, and can have more control over their lives.

Jobs that are hazardous for men can be pretty safe for women. Women in the military are rarely sent to the front lines, Dr. Farrell said. Studies have shown that women who are cabdrivers usually pull daytime hours, female postal workers get safer routes, and male coal miners try to keep their few female colleagues out of danger. "When women need protection, men will compete to give it," he said.