ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A socially-progressive yet musically regressive local alpaca breeder has been left wondering why each time he tunes into Triple J, he doesn’t like what he hears.

Now in his 35th year on this god-forsaken rock affectionately known as Earth, Peter Monkton told The Advocate that the national youth broadcaster was ‘ten times better’ back in his day and that ‘the station should go back to being what it was like in 2005’.

“These Ben & Liam people, I don’t know about them,” said the alpacaman.

“They’re not very good and they don’t really get what it is to be a Triple J breakfast person. Bring back The Sandman I say. Fuck it, let’s bring back Helen Razor because she knew her garage rock revival better than anyone,”

“Helen was the first Australian broadcaster to play The White Stripes. I mean, she basically brought The Strokes Down Under all by herself,”

“I just want things to go back to how they were.”

However, representatives from Triple J responded to The Advocate‘s queries regarding Mr Monkton’s comments.

From what our reporters were able to establish, Australians such as Peter no longer fall under Triple J’s target demographics and some criticism people over the hill should be expected.

“We don’t aim to please everyone,” said one Triple J producer.

“We aim to attract and entertain young people. The fact that there’s a veritable tidal wave of online criticism targeted at some of our presenters such as Ben & Liam is testament to that fact,”

“At the end of the day, they’re just kids. The cunts are barely 20 and they don’t really know who they are yet. We hope they find their feet but if they don’t, there’s always FBi or 4ZZZ.”

More to come.