Everyone has seen the plight of polar bears as they fight just to survive in the ever-diminishing Arctic north, but few are aware of the heart-wrenching struggle of one of North America’s most treasured species: due to global warming, thousands Ice Road Truckers now have to travel hundreds of miles across regular roads each season just to mate.

When will someone do something about this?!

This majestic beast, whose ice road territory once spanned from Alaska all the way down to Winnipeg, is now limited to a winter range between Saw Mill Bay and Lake Contwoyto, and it seems like nobody even cares!

Just one decade ago, Ice Road Truckers dominated the region’s landscape, reproducing at stable rates and sustaining themselves on copious amounts of wild Labatt Blue. But gone are the days when an alpha trucker could journey over icy roads to the lush breeding grounds in Manitoba to mate with three or four sows in a single night.

As the ice recedes, the species is also being hurt by regular road truckers migrating north from warmer climes like Edmonton and Saskatoon, encroaching on their territory and drinking up their supply of cheap beer.

“Ice Road Truckers are entirely dependent on Molson Canadian to survive, but they just can’t access the quantities they need in their increasingly limited range,” said Dr. Terrance Carlson, a wildlife biologist. “Many of them have been forced to drink imported Coors Light from the United States, but it doesn’t provide the same nutrients as their natural diet.”

So for all of you animal lovers out there, the time for action is now. Get our Ice Road Truckers off of regular roads and back onto icy roads where they belong!