TW:: Fat Hate

Thin privilege is dressing up for a job interview and feeling confident without later, (with your interview only moments away,) having to worry about your sister asking you why you chose to wear your shirt tucked in and that you should untuck it.

I felt great in this outfit, I felt professional and oddly sexy. This is rare because it was only mid-last year that I started to feel confident in my own skin and capable of dressing up. The last time I’d dressed for an interview I was wearing knee cut dress shorts and a plain black t-shirt. THAT wasn’t professional at all, I know that now but because in those days I wasn’t confident at all and I was still trying to hide myself for fear of fat shaming.

I love myself in ways I never thought possible and a great deal of that is to blogs like this (and many other reasons.) I was so hurt and embarrassed at her remark that in that moment I went back to my old self for a few moments. I felt small again and instead of looking forward to my interview, all I could think about was all the people around me. The two guys sitting down at the table nearest to me, the cars passing by behind me, etc. I was again in a mental position id only recently escaped from. Thankfully I pulled it together and moved on to my interview.

The thing that saddens me the most about moments like these is the fact that for YEARSall my family could do was hassle me about dressing up and trying. Now that I’ve finally started to do it, (for myself,) it seems like they’ve changed their minds. Like they perhaps thought, dressing more feminine would change my shape or better hide my faults. I AM A BBW, I AM A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. I can finally look in the mirror and love myself and on those bad days, I can look in the mirror and hate my skin, hate my eyebrows, etc. but only that, not my whole self. I can hate my reflection without truly hating myself. I am just like every other person, with good days and bad days not just horrible times.

I Hate days like that.

But I do love blogs like these and the people who constantly put good energy and vibes out into the world. Thank you all for being as amazing as you are! :D