One more than last year.

I planned this out very specifically. I contacted specialists among my group of friends who were approaching my level in terms of their obsession with burgers, lists, and sharing food. I planned out which burgers I’d have each day, who I would split them with, and how I was going to afford all of this. I was determined and meticulous; I was easily going to crack 20 this year. I got 16 last year without even trying. This was going to be legendary.

But I got tired, man. First I cancelled one burger, thinking I’d get up early tomorrow and have one somewhere for breakfast. Then I got up and couldn’t possibly imagine eating a god damn burger for breakfast, so I ate an apple instead. Then I cancelled another burger, and so it went. In the end, I managed to eat one more burger than I had last year. I loved doing this, and I will probably do it again, but just as a warning to those of you who may for some god-forsaken reason want to follow in my footsteps: 15 is enough. 10 is enough. The only reason you should put yourself through any more is if, like me, you can’t not. And even then, you should really consider not. Because that is a lot of beef.

Anyway, enough self-reflection(yes, that was me being self-reflective. I’m working on it.) — on to the rankings. But first, I want to share a quick observation: Winnipeg is all in on burger week. It actually felt difficult to find a restaurant that was not participating. This resulted in an awesome situation where I could often overhear and/or join a random conversation on the street based on which burger was best so far, and how many have you tried, why does everyone just go to NuBurger, etc. Winnipeg is leaving other cities in the dust when it comes to burger week. I alone ate more burgers in Winnipeg than the total combined entries from Toronto and Vancouver? Pathetic.

Winnipeg rules.

17. Carbone: “The Gretchen Wieners”

Coming in at number 16 is the burger whose namesake is one of my favourite characters in one of my favourite films. Gretchen has been through a lot and I hate to pile it on, but this turkey patty had a texture and consistency that I can best describe as “squishy.” It was sort of the mouthfeel of a banana, which isn’t as bad as it sounds, but still isn’t what I’m looking for in a meat patty. Also, though I’m all for unorthodox choices and flavour combinations, the grilled pineapple felt a little out of place here. All of the flavours in this burger were good, but they were not as cohesive as other entries…and last place for Gretchen Wieners BYE

16. Tipsy Cow: “The Village Drunk”

I sat down at a barstool at the Tipsy Cow on the first day of Burger Week at around 7 pm, and the lineup for seating was beginning to snake out the door. They were severely understaffed, and it took about forty-five minutes for my burger to arrive. The Village Drunk was one of the spiciest burgers I had all week, the chorizo chili made with Torque IPA easily stealing the show. The patty itself was slightly overcooked and a bit tough, but well seasoned. All in all, a totally serviceable burger. However, as one is wont to find when trying to listen to a joke told by the actual village drunk, too many factors got in the way of my enjoyment of it, and I left feeling somewhat unsatisfied.

15. Browns Socialhouse: “The Cali Burger”

One of my favourite spots downtown for ‘pub food,’ the Browns Socialhouse burger was the first on the list that brought something truly noteworthy to the table, and that was the chipotle aoli that the Browns chefs make in-house. It was excellent and very appropriate to support a skillfully cooked and well-seasoned beef patty. I like a bit of crunch in my burger, so I appreciated the idea of the tortilla chips, but strangely enough they didn’t play that well with the only slightly smashed avocado in which they were nestled. The avocado in general seemed like a last minute add-on to put something extra and fun on this burger, or maybe to make it more “Cali” (is that a thing? Avocado=Cali? Somebody @ me about that), but i think it should have been left out, or at least smashed a bit more and spread a bit more evenly.

14. The Handsome Daughter: “64 Grams of Pimento Cheese”

The Handsome Daughter’s food has always been better than it really has any right to be, and that showed through last year when it made a serious run for the #1 spot (though it turned out nobody could touch 1958 cafe that year). This year, in terms of flavour profile and execution, this aggressively-named fried chicken sandwich (I think it would have been fun and prudent to add ‘motherfucker’ to the end of the name of this burger) matched that level of deliciousness. This year, though, their entry was hindered by a serious ratio problem. The biscuit, while appropriate and very good, was huge, and made me feel like for most of the time I was just eating a big biscuit with some chicken and cheese sort of stuffed in haphazardly. The biscuit was the least interesting part of the sandwich, but probably 75% of the sandwich was taken up by biscuit, and this writeup is starting to literally reflect that biscuit. I can not escape the biscuit. Biscuit biscuit biscuit biscuit

13. Pete’s Place: “Yorkie Burger”

We start to get into really contentious territory at this point in the list. The Yorkie Burger was a damn fine meal, every component complementing the next. I especially loved the horseradish crema. Hey burger makers! Put some horseradish in me! Find a way to work horseradish into a beef-based meal and I will eat it. The red wine jus was also very good, playing well with the star of the show, the yorkshire pudding bun. The thing is, as you may have guessed, I believe the star of the show when it comes to burgers should always be the patty. And while this patty was good, it was overshadowed by that yorkshire pudding and once again ran into ratio issues.

12. Boon Burger: “The Nasty Vegan Mushroom Chedda Melt”

I love vegan meals, and enjoy when chefs can get creative and achieve sort of a “meaty” texture and flavour using only plant-based ingredients, but I generally stick to the philosophy that vegan food shouldn’t pretend. Faking cheese or meat isn’t necessary; just tell me what I’m eating and prepare it in a way that best showcases the ingredients. The Nasty Vegan was so good that it caused me to calm my tits about vegan food a little bit, and causing me to calm my tits on any food-related position is a big accomplishment. The “Boon Patty” was flavourful and complex, though I did run into a problem I’ve had before with vegan patties, which is a problem of structural integrity. This thing broke down after two bites and I had to take a knife and fork to it after that. Still, this burger was delicious and I can admit that it is an exception to my general opinion on vegan food: they set out to make a good burger with no animal products and they absolutely succeeded.

11. Saddlery on Market: “The Bison Mac n’ Cheese Burger 2.0”

Saddlery’s offering presented me with a bit of a conundrum, ranking-wise. It was a good burger, certainly; the beef patty, while very slightly overcooked, was juicy and flavourful with an excellent seared “crust” providing a good textural contrast and depth of flavour. This alone was not enough to beat out heavy hitters like the Handsome Daughter and Pete’s Place, though. It was the bison mac and cheese itself that vaulted this burger into the top 12, and therein lies my vexation. The mac and cheese WAS on the burger; should it be considered a part of the burger? I suppose so, but at the same time I have a suspicion that I would have gotten more joy out of simply having a plate of that mac and cheese. Because that shit was fire (in more ways than one; this was the spiciest burger I ate all week). I haven’t been back to Saddlery yet, but the next time I go you’d better believe I will be asking them for a plate of it.

10. The Oakwood Cafe: “La Svizzerina”

This saucy, messy little number reminded me of a burger I tried last year from One Great City brewery, in that it brought flavours to a burger that are normally found in pasta or other conventional Italian dishes. It seems like a no-brainer, really; are the two really so different? They both contain meat, cheese, and some manner of carbohydrate. La Svizzerina proved that Italian spices and sauces on a burger is an excellent match, and also sported a perfectly cooked beef patty that utterly melted in my mouth. My only complaint here might be the consistency of the burger as a whole; all that sauce has to go somewhere, and if I had been eating any slower I suspect I would have encountered some off-putting sogginess.

9. Rudy’s Eat & Drink: “The Boiler Maker”

I think Rudy’s is generally underrated in terms of downtown eateries. They put a lot of focus on something that I value quite highly, which is making as many things as possible in-house and putting a lot of care into each ingredient. Last year I raved about their fries, so it may surprise you to see a photo containing no fries, but at that point I really could not remember the last time I had really eaten a vegetable — at least, one that wasn’t sandwiched between bread and meat and slathered in some sort of aoli or equally fatty sauce. Not only that, but they make their salad dressing in house, so I was still sticking to my guns, as it were. The care Rudy’s puts into their cooking showed through with this exceptional burger: the house-ground wagyu beef patty perfectly cooked, the multiple sauces (including a bacon and fig jam) carefully applied and perfectly married, and one of the best buns I had all week — a bun made with one of my favourite local beers, LBJ’s 1919!

From this burger onward, the ranking is mostly just a formality. All of these were a slam dunk of some description.

8. 1958 Cafe: “Megaloafasaurus”

Is it possible for something to be TOO cheesy? If your answer is anywhere approaching a yes, this may not have been the burger for you, but my answer is not even on the same corporeal plane as a yes, so this was the burger for me. If you read my rankings last year, you know that the Megalofasaurus had big shoes to fill; chef Ross’s masterpiece last year was actually one of the best meals I have ever eaten in my entire life. That’s why 1958 was my first stop this year, and my expectations were met with flying colours. While it may not have been the same spiritually exhilarating experience that I had in 2017, this burger was a heroic contender, and the haggard but determined staff of the cafe served it up with vigour and aplomb. I also want to give props for the idea of offering sliders which offered the same experience but smaller, with a hilarious note on the menu about sparing innocent burgers from the horrible fate of being sliced in half. For the burger itself: cheese, cheese sauce, cheezies for some crunch, and the undisputed way to my heart: a completely random fried egg. Arrange all that around an expertly made bacon-wrapped meat loaf patty and the result will be happiness.

7. The Cornerstone Bar & Restaurant: “Swanson’s Revenge”

I‘m pretty confident that Ron Swanson would deign to eat this burger, as long as nobody told him it included something called “fancy sauce.” It was delicious, simple, and every ingredient was extremely well-executed. If you find yourself in a situation where you’re required to prove to someone once and for all that turkey can never beat cow, this burger will definitely do the trick.

6. Cibo: “The BB + J”

The BB + J continued a highly welcome trend of using local beers in their cooking; the Barn Hammer oatmeal stout bacon jam was an absolute home run. The other aspect that elevated this perfectly cooked chuck/brisket patty was the addition of crispy banana peppers which reminded me of tempura in their texture and taste. A lot of burgers this week experimented with how best to add a crispy element, and many succeeded, but this execution of that contrast may have been the best of the bunch. The potato scallion bun was also noteworthy, and requires further investigation. I will be inquiring as to that recipe the next time I visit Cibo, which will be soon, because it’s great.

5. Clementine: “Herb & Marrow”

The Herb & Marrow had the flavour balance and composition to take the top spot. Clementine always keeps it simple and lets the quality ingredients and expertise of their chefs do the talking, and this was a flagship-worthy example of exactly that. Mixing bacon and beef to form a patty is brilliant if you can get the ratio right, and this patty was a perfect example of that; I might not have had a juicier burger all week. I am also now a convert to the ancient ways of bone marrow, because that was an innovative and hugely successful decision that further cemented this burger’s place in the top 5. This one had a weird problem, though, and I’m curious to hear from others who tried this burger: did the bun stick to your teeth? I seriously had to awkwardly scrub my teeth with my finger a few times because a bit of residue from the bun stayed on the inside of my front teeth every time I took a bite. The bun was delicious, but its texture was very unusual and didn’t really work for me. Don’t get me wrong, this burger was amazing and I’d order it again in a heartbeat, but the bun held it back.

4. Miss Browns: “Miss Browns Bennie Burger”

Hot take: Miss Browns makes the best sandwiches in Winnipeg. I like King & Bannatyne, I like Nick’s on Broadway, I love the Sherbrooke Street Delicatessen; there is some stiff competition, but Miss Browns beats them all out every time. It is one of my favourite restaurants, period, so I had the utmost confidence that their burger would be an absolute grand slam (help me I’m running out of sports metaphors). The Bennie Burger was an excellent choice; everyone knows Miss Browns can make the hell out of an eggs benedict, so put it on a burger! This was definitely the messiest meal I ate all week, but DAMN was it ever worth it. The only reason this wasn’t even higher on the list was that while the pork patty was perfectly seasoned and cooked, the entire thing ended up just tasting like the best breakfast sandwich I’d ever had, and sort of not like a burger. It is technically a burger, of course, but the way it all came together was very breakfast-y, especially since you know that shit fell apart immediately and I ate 80% of it with a fork and knife. But seriously, go to Miss Browns. It is literally impossible to overhype this place.

3. The Merchant Kitchen: “Mr. Umami”

These motherfuckers deep fried their burger Korean style. What am I supposed to do against that? My mouth is actually watering just thinking about it, and I ate it over a week ago. Mr. Umami was a masterclass in simplicity, with one of the shortest ingredient lists out of any burger I tried, yet with one of the most complex and deep flavour profiles. While Italian seasoning may be a no-brainer combination with burgers (see “La Svizzerina”), the Asian/Spanish fusion that the Merchant Kitchen serves up certainly isn’t, and yet after eating this burger it just makes so much sense. This was, by far, the most interesting burger I ate all week.

2. Black Bird Brasserie: “The Black Bird Burger”

I have a friend who has a similar passion to mine for le Burger Week (though she may not have quite as much free time) and she mentioned to me that she was going to try the burger at Black Bird. After that, I obviously asked her about it the moment I saw her, and she uttered just one desperate, passionate syllable: “GO.”

So I went, of course.

GO.

“Swanson’s Revenge” was a great burger, but The Black Bird Burger would not bring a tear to Ron Swanson’s eye. It would make him openly weep with joy. I’ve talked already about simplicity and treatment of the ingredients, but forget all that. Somebody thought too hard about all of those burgers. This was created purely on carnivorous instinct. The side of au jus? If they would have served me a glass of that instead of water I’d be content. I’d tip extra. I wasn’t even hungry when I ate this burger. It was my third burger of the night, and the meat sweats were starting to set in, and yet there was not a question in my mind that this burger was world class.

1. Sous Sol: “Raclette About It”

We have a bit of a funny situation here.

The horrifyingly punnily-named “Raclette About It” was extremely similar to the Black Bird Burger in many ways. It had almost the same composition in terms of ingredients. It was simple, and masterfully put together. It’s difficult to put into words why it ended up being the winner, but I think it may have had something to do with FUCKING FOIE GRAS, SON actually no, it wasn’t that. Though I did love the foie gras and it complemented an already perfect burger to somehow make it…perfect-er. But Sous Sol’s burger had something else. It may have been the cozy yet electric atmosphere of the restaurant, the endearing smart-assery of our server, or the delicious tartar sliders which primed us for our meal. It may not be fair to take those factors into account, but I promise that if I did, it was subconscious. All I know for sure is that the Raclette About It was the burger I enjoyed the most all week.

It’s a good reminder that this is all subjective, and the true spirit of burger week is not to read reviews, or just go to your favourite restaurants or last year’s winners, but to go try something that sounds cool to you. The folks working at these restaurants — chefs, servers, managers, all of them — bust their asses in an heroic attempt make something remarkable and memorable for each customer. You can help make it worth their while by taking a risk, trying a restaurant you haven’t been to before, and being gracious and understanding toward them every time. Let’s make that the spirit of burger week. That, as well as the obvious:

Eat till it hurts, baby.

You can follow Wes on Instagram and Twitter @wjrambo for more mediocre food photography and observations about local restaurants, home cooking, performing, and his unnamed cat.