Coachella season is upon us. Since this year’s lineup features Radiohead, Beyoncé, Kendrick Lamar, and Lorde’s first performance since November 2014, tickets will certainly be hard to come by — especially if you’re looking for a VIP pass. However, if you’re a female between the ages of 19 and 25, and willing to acquiesce to certain — frankly, gross — demands, there’s a chance you can score a free pass for Weekend 2.

A recently divorced 56-year-old former Supervising Manager at Soup Plantation named Gordon has placed a Craigslist ad offering a “once in a lifetime opportunity” for a “travel ‘companion'” to accompany him to the music festival in his RV, which doesn’t sound totally creepy or anything.



(Read: Coachella’s 2017 Lineup: One Day Later)

If the demands weren’t suspect enough already, “Gordie” asks that his companion be “open-minded and opportunistic”, avoid “excessive fraternizing with other male festival-goers”, and tell him “you didn’t know how this would go, but you’re actually having a really good time.”

Then he gets into hand and feet fetishes, and I really had to stop reading. I can’t bear the idea of someone wanting to go to Coachella badly enough to willingly accompany a possible serial killer and rapist.