“This is your fault, not mine. When you decided to get a Golden Retriever you knew what you were getting yourself into. We are a social breed of dog and enjoy the company of others. You left me at home for a couple of hours, you left your bedroom door open and you know that I like sitting there as I look out the window. When you think about it logically I actually made your lace curtain better than they were beforehand. In the past I had difficulty looking through the curtain but since I put this huge hole in it I can see perfectly so I can warn you of any intruders. I also saw the mailman, five cars driving past and one cat. Don’t worry, they are now gone as they were scared by my barking.

I sense a negative attitude from you at my excellent renovation attempt. I find this attitude strange and confusing so as a peace offering I’ve decided not to renovate the other curtains in the house. However I reserve the right to complete the project next time you leave me home alone.

If your demeanour does not improve over this issue than I refuse to continue my long term project of digging holes in your backyard and pulling out plants in your garden. I know you enjoy me doing these tasks as I hear you screaming in joy when you see my beautiful work. I will also refuse to bark at the cats for no obvious reason until you formally apologise.

Please note, I now considering this discussion closed so please do not mention it again. Can I have a pat?”