GREENVILLE, NC—Struggling to understand what about the video with 104 views necessitated the drastic measure, sources confirmed Tuesday that the ability to leave comments had been mysteriously disabled on a 32-second YouTube clip called “Watch Sparrow in my backyard.” “Jesus Christ, why did RokrDad67 think people would react negatively to a bird landing on his patio chair, chirping for a second, and then flying away?” said viewer Jason Roland of the seemingly innocuous cell phone footage with very little audio save for a behind-camera voice briefly saying, “Hey, little guy.” “His only other video is of his kid’s piano recital, but maybe he was being careful because of a beef with another user? Oh, Jesus, looks like there’s one ‘dislike.’ Why would someone do that?” At press time, Roland opened the video’s “about” section to discover the even more baffling description warning, “Trolls will be reported.”

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