CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer.





BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.





BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.





VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.





P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.





BROKER — What my broker has made me.





STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.





STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.





STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.





FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.





MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.





CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.





YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.





WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.





INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.





PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.

