I mean, come on.

I was fortunate to have financial privilege to make up insurance shortfalls and medical privilege to navigate the behemoth that is American health care.

Then there is the ongoing emotional trauma that I suspect catches parents in different ways.

I hate baby showers, because I feel the need to pretend I understand what it is like to bring a newborn home from the hospital.

When did my boys sit up? When did they walk? Talk? I have no recollection. I remember when each one came off the ventilator the first time and then the second time. When they were discharged from the hospital. When they no longer needed oxygen tanks. Each time Oliver was admitted for pneumonia. Each surgery.

Baby books? I have a tiny blood pressure cuff that fits around my index finger, the little knit hats and shirts made by volunteers that helped keep my boys warm inside their isolette. And the even smaller set made for my son Aidan. That is tucked out of sight, but I always know it’s there.

A constant stream of developmental assessments detailed my children’s’ deficits. I would read each one and think my child was so much more than the sum of those words. And then I would see other 3-year-olds eating solid food or 4-year-olds standing on one foot or 5-year-olds riding bikes, and a blackness from my heart whispered, no, my boys are different.

And sometimes the ramifications of prematurity haunt you years later: for example, this year when I had to wiggle into the top of the M.R.I. machine so I could hold my son’s head for reassurance during a heart scan. Or when I sat in the parking lot of the high school after advocating for services, crying big heaving sobs, unable to catch my breath, chest aching because getting people to do the right thing can take everything you have.

While the causes of prematurity are often medically complex and prevention is challenging, many premature deliveries could be prevented with simple medical interventions: In the United States, for example, universal, quality, accessible prenatal care would make a huge difference. We also have to acknowledge and address the impact of racial disparities on prematurity, especially for African-American women. In third-world countries many neonatal deaths from prematurity could be prevented with heat or a little oxygen.