EDISON — Barbra Casbar Siperstein is scheduled to arrive in Charlotte today as the first elected transgender member of the Democratic National Committee. She has been New Jersey's first and only transgender power broker for a lot longer.

In a state with a reputation for machismo, that’s no small feat for someone who describes herself as "a woman scarred by years of testosterone."

But for Siperstein, known to most as Babs, it’s surprisingly easy to get people past the fact that for almost 50 years much of the world knew her as Barry: an Army veteran, a small-business man, a husband and a father of three.

"I would encourage as many transgender people to engage in the party as possible," said Siperstein, 70, of Edison. "Most of us are stealth."

In 2009 the DNC added "gender identity" as a characteristic for nondiscrimination in the party charter. This year, the DNC will make marriage equality an official plank of the party platform.

In addition to urging equal rights for transgender men and women, Siperstein wants to bolster core Democratic principles. A small-business woman and a homeowner, she said she’s worried about the country she is leaving for her children and grandchildren.

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"The strength of this country is in its middle class," she said. "You’ve got a guy (Mitt Romney) who’s hiding his tax returns. He’s an almost billionaire. He takes advantage of the system, which is fine, but he’s not in touch with the country."

She said Democrats need to learn how to sell themselves to show "what’s at stake for our future. ... Republicans are much better at talking the talk, at framing issues."

Charlotte marks her third Democratic National Convention and her first as a member of the executive committee.

She said her key to success is simply meeting people. "I think most people, if given the chance, are good," she said.

She recalled a meeting with a conservative lawmaker who, like her, was a horse enthusiast. Then she broke the news: "I bred one of my broodmares to one of his horses. I think he was in a state of shock. I think he had this vision of a ‘trans’ horse."

But with something common to talk about, the divide was bridged.

For much of her life Siperstein denied she was transgender. It wasn’t until the late 1980s, when she was approaching 50, that Siperstein started admitting who she was. Her wife, Carol, was her first confidant. "She was the kind of person that I could come out to her first," Siperstein said.

Far from detonating the marriage, the two stayed together, growing closer for the shared secret. "We kind of lived a double life for many years," Siperstein said. They took their common initials and came up with the pseudonym "Casbar," traveling the world with couples like them.

In August 2001, Carol developed a cough. At the end of October she died of cancer. Siperstein then set out making her state and her party a little more welcoming.

"If gays and lesbians are second-class citizens, what was I as a single transgender person?" Siperstein said. "I kind of used my grief and my anger to change the law."

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Even in the gay community, Siperstein found herself on the margins. "A lot of these gay white men were worried about their own gender identity," Siperstein said.

State Sen. Ray Lesniak (D-Union) said in New Jersey, Siperstein put the "T" in LGBT, which stands for Lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transgender. "When this human rights, civil rights movement first started it was basically gay and lesbian," Lesniak said. "I think she was very instrumental in expanding the scope."

Siperstein said growing up one of the few Jewish kids in an Irish and Italian Jersey City neighborhood gave her "a Jersey edge" that helped her wrangle legislators toward marriage equality and reforms in workplace discrimination and public accommodations.

"Nobody looks at Babs and says this is a great transgender person," said Steven Goldstein, chair of Garden State Equality. "Public officials look at her as an extraordinary woman."

Siperstein said she’ll be taking the message of gender equality and tolerance to Democrats this week the best way she knows how: meeting them in person, one at a time.

"Say something that they will hear," she said. "Let them be comfortable. Let them understand."

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