Sex on Friday The 12 rules to surviving an NYC sex party

I recently found myself copulating on a couch in an expansive Manhattan apartment, surrounded by glistening, naked strangers. I’m not a swinger. I’m not addicted to sex or porn (though if you search my browser history, you might find some questionable URLs…). I guess you could say I’ve always been sexually adventurous, but it’s nothing that could be classified as a fetish or weird. When you move to New York, no one really tells you that you might have to survive a sex party. There are plenty of tips on how to enjoy Mission Chinese, or pick which neighborhood you live in, or fight through a 25-minute delay at Queensboro Plaza, but public sex? Mom left that one out of the “good luck in New York” speech. Perhaps she -- or you know, someone not as icky to hear it from -- should've included that tidbit, because sex partying is not as easy as you'd think. Here are the 12 rules you absolutely need in order to survive one.

Sex Party Rule #1: Swear The Location To Secrecy

My journey into this underground world took me to Behind Closed Doors, one of many private sex clubs that exists in New York City. Little black dress-donned, I made my way to the fourth floor of an undisclosed building off of Fifth Avenue and a low-numbered street. The venues tend to vary (loft spaces, luxury hotels, etc…), but this one happened to be in a private apartment. It is no cheap affair, either. (Pun intended?) Sex Party Rule #2: Have Money

Tickets'll run you about $200 per couple, per party, and $100 per single woman. But if you think you can just buy a ticket and show up for some sex, think again. You won’t officially get acceptance and confirmation of the location until you have registered and passed inspection… Sex Party Rule #3: The Plain Need Not Apply (AKA Be Hot)

Prospective partiers must submit an application with photos. You don’t have to be Brad and Angelina (it would help!), but you should have all your teeth, and a good grasp on personal hygiene and waxing/manscaping. Only couples or single ladies can apply, and almost everyone admitted is under 45yrs-old. Sex Party Rule # 4: Things Can Start Innocently, And By Innocently, I Mean With Porn

I pressed the buzzer and gave the password, “Genie.” Inside, it felt like any other swanky cocktail party. Pretty people sipped Champagne or vodka on the rocks, chatting away in groups, while a reel of porn played on the flatscreen television behind the pool table. You know, your typical Saturday night... Then the belly dancer walked in.

Sex Party Rule #5: Let Your Inhibitions Go, Because Sh*t Is About To Get Weird

Each party is themed, and this particular theme was “Arabian Nights”. I sipped my Champagne and stood behind my date, desperately trying to avoid eye contact as the belly dancer shimmied her way into a crowd and began pulling poor fools into the circle to undulate with her. While I quaked in fear, participants shook their hips with vodka-induced glee, whooping like a bunch of misplaced Magi. At the back of the apartment was a sectioned-off space, which I later learned was called the “playroom.” How delightfully creepy. This is where the sex begins, because you have to be naked in the playroom. Sex Party Rule #6: You Have To Be Naked In The Playroom

A small group of people were standing by the wooden partitions peeking in, so obviously, I did too. Two naked women were playfully kissing each other, while a third began to imitate the video-projected porn, with what I can assume was a very happy man. Sex Party Rule #7: Women Run The Show (If They Want To)

Every night is ladies’ night. Men cannot suggest sex or approach a woman. Ladies call all the shots. Participants can have sex with their partners, swap, or hunker down with a bag of popcorn and enjoy the show. Anything goes, as long as you ask first. Is your hand down your pants? You keep it there with pride! Sex Party Rule #8: It's Hot!

I can’t lie to you. It’s kind of hot. Just remember Rule No. 5. Let go, don’t think about it, and enjoy the party for what it is: a gathering of New Yorkers who share the same interest. It’s like New York Road Runners, except horizontal and naked. Sex Party Rule #9: Get Involved

While you could spend your time watching (without feeling like a perv!), it’s way more fun to get involved. I grabbed my date, said a silent apology to my Mom, and led him into the playroom.