I really enjoy sex. That being said, I was a big believer in waiting until marriage at one point. Eventually that evolved into a more reasonable part of me that believed in waiting until it was a person that meant something to me. I ultimately made that decision, and I didn’t make that decision in a heat-of-the-moment have to have you now situation. It was a several month long constant debate in my head, followed by a lot of “are you sure’s?” from my now Fiancé.

I always thought that abstaining from sex would make me feel pure, or superior, or more in control. But having a blanket rule with no room to question isn’t empowering. I lied to myself. I wasn’t empowered, I was suffocated. When I decided to start having sex, I was the most in control of myself and my body that I had ever been and it was liberating! It felt private because it was. There was no God judging me. It was me and Patrick and extremely special.

I feel a lot more in control and connected to myself by being able to say, “Hey, sex is really fun, and I get to choose who I want to share myself with”, instead of , “Sex is this super dooper sacred thing and I won’t even think about it until my wedding night”. I’m not going to sit around saying that my sexuality is some sort of “gift” for someone else. Of course it’s special, but it’s also fucking mine and I can fucking enjoy it however I want!!! And I do. And it’s fun!

So hooray for sex and having the guilt free luxury of being in control of my atheist body!

M.C.