(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

You know when your friend gets back together with their horrible ex, and you find yourself asking: ‘Why would she do that?’

That’s how I feel about the way we treat horrible men.

Yesterday, spurred on my the news that Chris Brown is being sued by a woman who alleges she was raped in his home, I tweeted about my hate for him. In case anyone had forgotten, this is the same Chris Brown who plead guilty to beating his then girlfriend, Rihanna, until she bled and even tried to bite a chunk out of her ear.

The response to those tweets?




A sea of people telling me to ‘chill out’ and ‘get over it.’

Apparently being angry about violent assault against women is petty if the assault happened more than a few years ago.

Last month Piers Morgan announced that he’d been in conversation with Harvey Weinstein and that they both thought Harvey would soon be rehabilitated.

I think he’s right.

(Picture: Ella Byworth)

I’m accepting the harsh reality that Weinstein will probably be rehabilitated. It’ll take lots of apologising, some therapy, a chat about sex addiction and even then he’ll probably be kept behind the scenes.

But I firmly believe that he will work again. For all the awful things he’s accused of doing, he’s also talented. He makes money. And what do people care about more than morality? Money.

If you’re still hoping that Harvey might never make his way back, that the way he treated the women around him would be bad enough to condemn him for life, you are, I believe, out of luck. Because whatever a man does, no matter how violent or abusive or horrific his crimes, it seems that he can be forgiven, that the world can move on.

Johnny Depp was accused of physically assaulting Amber Heard during their marriage. The actors settled the divorce case and the domestic abuse case, but, while Amber was accused of being a ‘golddigger’ (despite donating her divorce settlement to charity), Johnny has already been accepted back into the film industry without question.

He’s in children’s films – Sherlock Gnomes and Fantastic Beasts. He’s still the face of Savage for Dior.

What about Mel Gibson. He was violent and used hideous antisemitic slurs. That’s got to put you on the bench for the rest of your career, right?

Nope. It might have taken a few years, but Mel is working again. Because, well he might be violent and hateful, but you saw how good he was in Braveheart, right?

(Picture: Ella Byworth/Getty Images)

It’s different for women.

There aren’t many famous women who have blotted their copy books quite so comprehensively as their male co-stars, but let’s take the example of Hollywood’s darling, Winona Ryder.

Winona was everyone’s favourite. She could open a film on her own name alone. Then, she shoplifted – she didn’t hurt anyone, use racial slurs or leave anyone bleeding. She stole.



Her career ground to a humiliating halt for over a decade. She took a full hiatus for half of the noughties.

Now compare that to Woody Allen who cheated on his wife with his adopted daughter, 35 years his junior, and then married her. His daughter Dylan publicly accused him of sexual abuse which allegedly took place throughout her childhood.

And yet, he was only thrown out of the Academy last week.

Roman Polanski, the film director who was arrested for drugging and raping a 13-year-old girl – who fled back to Paris on hearing he was going to be sentenced to prison – still wins awards. He still makes films. He was also only thrown out of the Academy last week. And his response? A threat to sue the Academy.

So why does it matter that these men are forgiven?

Well, there’s the double standard. There’s the childish truth: That it’s incredibly unfair.

But most importantly, there’s the message that this forgiveness sends.

We have consequences for illegal and abusive behaviour, for a reason. We do it as a discouragement, because sadly people cannot be trusted to choose to be kind and respectful.

Whilst it’s nice to think that people who do terrible things can say that they’re sorry, atone and move on, that’s often not the case. Just look at Roman trying to sue the Academy or Chris Brown saying he wishes everyone would stop talking about Rihanna.

Even if you can atone for what you’ve done, I’m not sure you should be put back on your celebrity pedestal. Doesn’t horrific behaviour forfit the right to be glorified and famous? If you hit a child while drunk driving, you can lose your licence for life. There are certain privileges that you can – and should – lose forever.


As long as we continue to forgive the kinds of men who hurt or abuse women, that discouragement just doesn’t stack up. We’re sending an ongoing message that abuse is pretty much okay, as long as you act like you’re sorry afterwards.

And really, as long as we’re broadcasting that message to young men, can we be surprised that this systemic, undeniable abuse of women just keeps going on?

MORE: If nobody in your house wears nappies then you really should give up baby wipes – and here’s what you should use instead

MORE: Sarah Jessica Parker admits Sex And The City would differ today – and probably have women of colour

Advertisement Advertisement