Colin Craig has opened his defence in the defamation trial against him by spending a full 30 minutes reciting to the court a poem he allegedly wrote about his genital area.

When called to testify, Craig asked if he may read something, and was granted permission to do so.

“Thank you,” said Craig, clearing his throat.

“I wash myself in the shower

Every day, for at least an hour

There’s a sexy place between my legs

The subject of many sexy sexts

If only there were two of me

One to wash, and one to see

What a world that would be

Oh my goodness, golly gee.”

The poem continued for what those present in the court say was at least 60 more stanzas, and veered inexplicably into limerick territory:

“They say we did some dirty things

Some naughty things, behind curtain rings

But I don’t recall a single day,

That you, my loins, came out to play

Except that one time at Western Springs.”

As well as abrupt haikus:

“This Jordan Williams

Conniving boy, nasty man

I do not like him.”

Other passages appeared to be ripped directly from Doctor Seuss’s Green Eggs and Ham.

Legal experts say Craig has likely helped his case with today’s display.