SPOILER ALERT

Ok, so we start with like, this montage about vibranium and Wakanda and stuff from that Mufasa type, who died when Tony and Cap fell out, you know? Oh damn, the Lion King is a classic, like, Hakuna Matata didn’t help me get over when Mufasa died, it was heart-breaking. Alright, back on track, no doubt. So after that, there’s this flashback kind of thing to the 1990s, when young Mufasa be killing fools without hesitation. So he’s like, “Yo man, why you such a traitor?” And then his brother’s like, “dude, I’m sorry I was dealing with this guy Sméagol, but you know how it is.” So after this other guy, Zuri really puts the heat on Mufasa’s brother, the Lion King just slaughters him. Damn, I hope that isn’t like, integral to the plot in any way going forwards…

So anyway, next we catch up with my man T’Challa, who’s with this Warrior Chick and stuff on his mad spaceship. He’s gonna free his GF, and I’ll tell you how he knew where she’d be. I was at the spot, soaking up the atmosphere and celebrating with my family you know, because my cousin Pablo was, like, fresh out of prison after doing crazy drugs and all dat. So my aunt was talking crazy to these Wakandan dudes like, “hey guys, I heard some info about this Nakia chick from the girls at Zumba, know what I’m saying?” So these Wakandan dudes go to her Zumba, and the girls go, “Yo, y’all know that guy Marco who’s in Africa? He’s got the knowhow, get my drift?” So they be going to some place in Africa, saying, “This is like, super vague but also important to T’Challa, so we should like, get on with it, know what I’m thinking?” They meet up with Marco, who’s like, “‘Sup guys, just head in that general direction and all’s good, got it?” So my aunt told these Wakandan dudes to go to her Zumba group who told them to go some place in Africa to find Marco, who told them where this transit with this chick Nakia would be. And it was there.

So after some crazy stupid fine action and all that, T’Challa frees these people and his GF, and the Warrior Chick be like, “You guys tell and I’ll come for you with my crazy spear even though I have like, super advanced vibranium weapons. Kapeesh?” They all go, “Kapeesh.” Anyway, so they go back to Wakanda, through a mountain which is awesome you know? It’s like that epic bit from that cool dinosaur film when they where they’re like, “Yo guys, welcome to like, this dinosaur zoo.” Only without the words. It’s a delightful film, like, there was always franchise potential there, you know? Ok, back on track, got it, 100%. So anyway, T’Challa’s now like, going to be King, because Mufasa died, you ‘memba? You ‘memba. So they meet up with his sister, this smart girl Shuri or something, and Angela Basset. They seem cool, and like, make fun of T’Challa. Oh yeah, I forgot to say that Wakanda is stupid rich. It’s like a Back To the Future kind of place, full of farmers and War Rhinos and stuff, you know? So yeah, that’s pretty cool.

Anyway, so like, they have this crazy CGI cliff face coronation thing, where you’ve got like, people dancing on boats and doing this cool shoulder chant thing. So Zuri, who’s now old and stuff, be like, “Yo Wakanda, this is the new King, who you can challenge for the throne, you know?” So then this other guy M’Baku’s going, “yeah, I’ll take him.” T’Challa gets his powers removed, and then him and M’Baku have, like, this crazy intense battle, like more intense than this one heist me and my buddy Scott did with my Cousin Ernesto at this Art Museum, and we almost walked away with this delightful print of Paris, like, the colours were insane. Damn, that was a missed opportunity, you know? Ok, right, so you know T’Challa makes that boy M’Baku plead for his life, so that’s all cool. Then he gets buried in some sand and chats to Mufasa in a toga, It’s all good, you know?

Meanwhile, this guy Adonis Creed is at that art museum me, Scott and Ernesto were trying to rob. Coincidentally, he also happens to have this insane robbery stuff going on, and he and this other Dude Sméagol be like, “Hey man, we love vibranium, so let’s steal it.” Sméagol dresses up as a South African medic, who kind of reminds me of this guy I used to know Caesar. That guy was so cool, such a shame he died after fighting in this crazy War. So Adonis and Sméagol run off with some cool vibranium stuff, which is great for them, because vibranium can do anything, unlike my cousin Pablo who can’t do that many things now he’s had so many restraining orders against him.

So back in Wakanda, they’re all thinking, “this guy Sméagol needs to be caught, know what I mean?” T’Challa, the Warrior Chick and T’Challa’s GF are like “We’ll go and bring him in, no doubt, 100%, got it,” and Warrior Chick’s guy, who’s really depressed and all that, says “yo, bring him back, dead or alive, cause we’re like, mortal enemies or something.” That smart chick Shuri makes him this super cool suit which goes purple and everything, and makes some terrible jokes, like, I’ve gone to stand ups with better puns, know what I’m saying? Like there was this one guy… Ok, back on topic, got it. So they go to Busan, and into this spot, and it’s a super tight spot, like, they run into this guy Ross, who T’Challa knows from when Tony and Cap fell out. They bump into Sméagol and these other dudes, and then some crazy Wig Kung-Fu action goes down, and a big car chase, like, explosions and stuff are happening everywhere. There’s even this bit where T’Challa’s like, “I’m doing a flip now, but in s-l-o-w m-o-t-i-o-n.” It’s really awesome, and eventually, they catch Sméagol. Dr Watson – I mean, Bilbo – I mean Ross takes him into custody and all that, and takes off his robot arm so that he doesn’t escape.

Anyway, so then he almost immediately escapes. Ross gets, like hurt in the process, and then there’s this thing where they take him back to Wakanda to somehow be healed by vibranium or whatever. T’Challa recognises this cool necklace on Adonis, who breaks Sméagol out of custody. So he goes to talk to Zuri whilst he’s like, doing his gardening, and Zuri’s saying, “Oh yeah, your Pa killed Adonis’ brother a while back.” Damn, that did turn out to be integral to the plot. So elsewhere, there’s some crazy stuff happening, as Adonis goes and kills Sméagol. Man, I wasn’t ready for that, the guy was… precious.

*A tumbleweed blows by*

So Adonis finds Wakanda somehow and drags Sméagol’s body around with him, just owning it, you know? The depressed guy is like, “wow, you managed to kill Sméagol, so I like you now.” Adonis walks right up to T’Challa and is like, “Sup man, I’m challenging for the Throne, if that’s ok with you?” And then T’Challa says, “I guess that’s fine, seeing as you’ve got a blue tongue like all us Wakandan guys, it’s cool.” So then everyone’s in a sulk, because they’ve got to do another coronation in front of a CGI cliff face. It’s like that time I was booked in for like, a colonoscopy, but chickened out, so then in a few weeks the guys forced me into a van and like, made me have it. I’d thought I was getting kidnapped by a drug cartel or something, it was horrifying. Right, right, right, back on track, got it.

So they have an intense battle, and it’s like Rocky, but with sharp sticks and stuff. T’Challa is taking some hits, and then Adonis loses it and kills… naaw, not Zuri. I liked that guy. Then he picks up T’Challa, and tosses him off a cliff. Wait, WHAT??? Oh no he didn’t. Naah, he’s not dead, there’s like, 40 minutes left. They can’t do that. Damn, now it’s getting more downbeat than the ending of Titanic. So yeah. Adonis goes and has a sand vision and all that, and then decides to burn Zuri’s gardening. Now that just isn’t cool, man. You know Ant-Man never got this dark. Keeping things upbeat can work wonders, you should ask my friend Esteban. He works at a… ok, I’m going to stop, keep on track, no doubt. Fortunately, T’Challa’s GF manages to get a herb before Zuri’s hard work is like, burned away.

So T’Challa’s GF, Angela Basset, Ross and the smart chick go to M’Baku’s tribe, thinking, “yo, let’s see if that guy will take on Adonis.” For some reason, it’s like, in the snowy mountains, which you wouldn’t have expected to feature in Wakanda, more like in Norway. I went to Norway when I was only little Luis, and it was delightful, they’ve got like, rolling hills for skiing, you know? Anyway though, they ask him, but M’Baku’s like “whoo,” and his tribe are like “whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo.” So then M’Baku’s like, “we’ve got T’Challa, chill out you guys,” which is pretty improbable, you know, but hey, what can you do, T’Challa’s back, which is awesome. So they feed him the magic herb and he immediately springs up from his ice bath, like “yo guys, where was I?” He has another sand vision, which kind of makes me wonder why they need to keep doing this weird stuff: I reality, it must be like, a waste of sand.

As Adonis is shipping out vibranium or something to the rest of the world, T’Challa arrives, makes his entrance dramatic, and you know I love that kind of showmanship. He’s like, “yo, let’s fight bro,” and Adonis is like, “fight all these dudes.” The Warrior Chick turns on Adonis, along with her sisters, armed with spears despite all their vibranium stuff, you know? Shuri comes along as well, and Ross starts flying a spaceship to go try stop that vibranium from getting out, however the fight turns ugly fast, as the depressed guy releases War Rhinos and all that. It’s ridiculous, but it works, like, T’Challa starts to get beaten back Fortunately, that guy M’Baku turns up to like, save the day, another dramatic entrance, like he’s saying, “yo T’Challa, we got your back man.”

However, T’Challa and Adonis are like, “Let’s have a CGI fight underground.” So they do that, and its like, pretty awesome. After five minutes, T’Challa just full on stabs Adonis, like his Dad I guess you could say. Damn, that’s like, some poetry right there. So Adonis bleeds out, and he looks out upon the sunset. It’s pretty beautiful, until he goes “uerrrgh” and dies. After all that, T’Challa’s like, “let’s share our resources with the rest of the world guys, is that cool?” And everyone’s like, “yeah, that’s cool.” It kind of like, defeats the point of trying to stop Adonis you know, but hey, there you go.

At least now they’ve faked out a death for T’Challa once, they’re not going to, you know, like, try it again in the next couple of movies…

Enjoy my Luis Summary? I’ve also done summaries of Deadpool 2, and of course Infinity War, so go and check those out. Thanks for reading. 🙂