Why People Fail To Notice The Worsening Of Their Relationships Over Time And How To Avoid It

Don’t Be The Frog In Boiling Water!

A lot of people find themselves in relationships (business, romantic, etc…) which have degraded over time, but are unable to recognize just exactly how bad things have become due to their adapting to the situation. If you find yourself in this situation, it’s imperative to speak up, set expectations, and reflect on the relationship over time to discern whether or not things are improving.

The Chicken And The Pig

One day, a chicken and pig were walking down the road chatting when the chicken decided to strike up a conversation.

Chicken: “Want to open a restaurant?” Pig: “Maybe, what would we call it?” Chicken: “How about ‘Ham and Eggs’?” Pig: *After thinking for a moment* “No thanks.” Chicken: “Why not?” Pig: “Because I’d be committed while you’d only be involved.”

While many relationships do not present themselves in such a disadvantageous manner, a number do devolve into a similar sort of dissonance. If you find or think that you may be the pig in any relationship in your life, and it’s not improving, it’s imperative that you speak up.

Set Expectations

When you find yourself the pig in a situation that isn’t getting any better, it’s imperative that you make the other people involved aware of exactly where you’re at and have them articulate what you said back to you. In doing this, you ensure that you are both on the same page — which can provide clarity and sometimes even lead to the immediate resolve of the issue(s) at hand.

In the case that there is no immediate resolve, it’s important to set clear expectations for what it is that you’d like to see change as well as set deadlines to provide those expectations with gravity and importance. Failure to be explicit in what your expectations are and their related deadlines leaves room for misinterpretation. As the saying goes, “If you give someone an inch, they’ll take a mile.”

If you’ve done this and find consistent failure amongst the other parties in the relationship, it’s time to reflect — is this just a localized instance of this behavior, or has this been going on for some time, now?

Considering Your Exit

When reflecting on your relationship, it’s important to remember that all relationships have their ups and downs. And the occasional rough spot is actually a positive thing which can lead to growth and a greater appreciation of the good times.

Maybe your relationship has looked like the following over the past year.

As shown, based on the good times and bad times over the past year, there’s been a slight decline in the overall quality of the relationship. Which, at first glance is not that alarming. But, it’s quite possible that this chart is actually part of a much larger trend and you’ve adjusted your baseline for a quality relationship, over time.