Nov 14, 2015; Nashville, TN, USA; Vanderbilt Commodores wide receiver Caleb Scott (9) is lifted by teammate Vanderbilt Commodores tight end Sean Dowling (89) in celebration after scoring a touchdown against the Kentucky Wildcats during the first half at Vanderbilt Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Jim Brown-USA TODAY Sports Jim Brown

Campus racism is so hot right now all the pc bros and social justice warriors are out here denouncing everything. There are anti-racism protests everywhere. Of course most of them are based on fake racism allegations, but that doesn’t matter, bro, there are racists and what are you doing to stand up to them right now? They hate racism more than you, bro. You’re so racist you don’t even know how to spell patriarchy.

The latest school to trump up fake racism like Mizzou and try to get attention for it?

My own double alma mater, Vanderbilt University.

Motivated by the fake protest at Mizzou, Vandy decided they needed to have their own anti-racism protest. So a couple of hundred losers on campus showed up and denounced racism in a protest 99% of the campus paid no attention to. Because, you know, Vanderbilt isn’t racist. But whatever. That’s beside the point.

The day after the protest the protest group’s wet dream happened — there was poop in a black bag on the front steps of the black cultural center.

Racist poop!

RACIST POOP!

WE’VE GOT RACIST POOP!

This Vandy group immediately denounced the poop on the steps as a hate crime. Because evidently poop on the doorstep is now considered a hate crime. (By the way, if poop on the door step is a hate crime, then I deserved the death penalty in middle school. And if you light that poop on fire is that the new burning cross? If so, I’m probably going to get arrested the second I post this story).

The story went viral in an instant because PC bros masturbate to racism these days

Here’s the pearl clutching outrage post that went up yesterday. (It has since been deleted).

“The Hidden Dores team is appalled to announce that our demonstration yesterday was met this morning with a vile act. This morning someone left a bag of feces on the porch of Vanderbilt University’s Black Cultural Center. The center has served as the nexus of many aspects of Black(sic) life on Vanderbilt’s campus since it’s (sic) inception 31 years ago. The violation of a place that in many ways is the sole home for Black(sic) students is deplorable. As many of us sit in grief, recognize that these types of actions are what we speak of when we note the reality of exclusion and isolation of students of color and specifically Black(sic) students on our campus. This act has hurt many and will nto be received lightly. We will not allow for the desecration of the place we call home. As we announced yesterday and reaffirm today, we will not be silent.”

First, wrong its, second, why is black capitalized in this post? Hello, you go to a top twenty school. Do PC bros not do grammar now? But more importantly, “As many of us sit in grief..” Oh give me a fucking break. It was a bag of poop left on the stairs outside. This left you grief stricken?

The post went viral with all the liberal media — PC BRO RACISM ALERT, THERE’S POOP ON CAMPUS STEPS — and an investigation into the bag of poop ensued.

Yep, an investigation by Vandy police. (To be fair, this is the most important investigation the Vandy police have been involved in investigating by themselves since a Kappa Delta sorority girl left her hazards on too long unloading Nordstrom bags outside the sorority house).

Who was the horrible racist who left dog poop on campus steps?

Well, it turns out that it was a blind female student whose seeing eye dog pooped on campus and she couldn’t find a trash can.

She posted this on Facebook. (I have edited it down because this is the longest post I have ever read about dog poop).

“I would like to inform everyone on this campus that no racial threat occurred. I am a blind student on this campus with a guide dog. I was meeting with a group last night to go over our debate for one of my sociology classes. My dog did her business outside on the grass and I picked it up and put it in a bag like always…I did not want to bring the feces inside and make the building smell, so I left it outside by the door…Everyone is going to point me out now as the blind girl who left her dog feces by the black cultural center. I am sorry that I do not know where all the trash cans are on main campus…The Vanderbilt police were obviously able to look at cameras and figure out that it was Marley and I becasue I got a call asking if I left her feces outside of the door.”

How about just tossing Marley’s name in there like he was to blame for her not properly disposing of his poop? This blind girl is blame shifting like crazy. Sure, sure, you’re not racist, your dog is racist. We all see right through you, whitey.

Anyway, instead of just pointing out how stupid this fucking story is and how much of losers these protesters are, the blind girl had to go all PC bro on the black student group. Which is, honestly, too perfect.

“This action of posting a post like this on facebook for everyone to see before investigation isolated and excluded blind people on this campus who also face discrimination.”

Uh oh.

No, she didn’t.

The black student group out here isolating and excluding blind people who also face discrimination? Y’all just got PC served.

If this were a discrimination poker game, this blind chick just went all in. She’s basically saying. “I see (well, maybe not really) your blackness, PC bros, and I raise you blindness.”

Game. Over.

The black students have since deleted all mentions of their accusation or their getting PC served by the blind chick and her seeing eye dog — this is like getting dunked on and having someone’s nuts hit you right in the chin — and now have a kind of, sort of, apology up on their page.

“It has recently come to our attention that we were absolutely misinformed about a situation that happened this morning at Vanderbilt’s Black Cultural Center, where a black bag filled with fecal matter was left at the front doorstep of the place that feels most like home to many Black students on campus. We have discovered that the fecal matter was not left at the BCC by a vindictive member of this community. A VUPD report released at 11:26pm today reads: “The investigation found that the bag was inadvertently left by an individual with a service dog who was authorized to be in the building, who could not find a trashcan near the entrance, and did not want to take the bag inside.” Given the recent elevation in polarization on this campus in the aftermath of our silent protest this Monday, evidenced by tough personal exchanges and anonymous targeted posts, it was too easy for us to believe that a member of our community would stoop low enough to maliciously leave fecal matter at the Black Cultural Center. Nonetheless, we apologize to the Vanderbilt community for jumping to conclusions and for any personal trauma caused by the quick escalation of this situation. We have personally contacted Stephanie Zundel and apologized for our reaction to the nature of this incident. At this moment, we recognize that the needs of students with disabilities on this campus are also often marginalized, and there are improvements to be made to make the perfect Vanderbilt experience accessible for all of its students. In an effort to contain the situation, the original post has been deleted at this time.”

How were you “absolutely misinformed” here? You weren’t misinformed — the poop was real — you just jumped to racist conclusions.

So it wasn’t racist poop after all.

Can all you PC bros take a minute to think about how your obsession with racism leads to fake, trumped up charges of racism? Right now all the PC bros are like kids staying in a house rumored to have ghosts. Once you believe there are ghosts in the house, you’re more likely to see evidence of ghosts even if they aren’t actually there at all.

That’s what the fake protest at Mizzou has caused.

I have some advice for all of you college kids — chill the fuck out and stop being such total losers.

Your life is going to suck once you leave college and have to get a real job. And one day you’re going to be sitting at your desk thinking, “Why was I such a goddamn loser in college? I should have been having the time of my life and instead I was busy writing about fake hate poop.”

Second piece of advice, I’m a double Vandy alum. If you think Vandy sucks then your life is going to suck beyond belief once you leave campus. Seriously. You have no idea of the hell that is coming your way. Right now all you have to do is go to class for 15 hours a week. You can eat and sleep as much as you want. You have abundant sex partners. People are incredibly nice to you. The grading scale is cake. You live in a country club bubble where there’s always a pick-up basketball, soccer or ultimate frisbee game going on, alcohol is easy to find, parties are plentiful. And you’re still bitching? You’re in for a world of hurt, kids.

Stop being such pussies.