Nurses are supposed to do that sort of thing; it goes with the job description and they seem strangely willing to do it for not much pay or acclaim. Certainly not compared with, say, a backbench politician. We thought about a special mention to paramedics; the ones who spend their nights and days racing between bloodbaths on the roads and disasters in people’s homes and citizens choking on their own...Well, you get the picture. But really, they get their reward, driving through red lights without getting booked and whizzing about with sirens shrieking. There might be a police person or two on board today, and we trust you enjoy your in-flight service today away from your own war zones out there on the roads and in suburbs with too many guns and knives flashing and those death knocks, breaking the news to parents and such. But, you know, cops. We only call you when we need you.

And of course, there are the fire fighters who save houses and businesses and lives, but jeez, we hear from the newspapers that you get more days off than pilots and well, good luck to you. The parents back there who get their kids to school on time and help with homework and get by with no sleep because the baby’s got colic? Are you skimping on the school lunches to pay for this flight? Hmmm? We could mention teachers, too. But like everybody else, we'll pass. Lotsa people on board today, when you think about it. You all should feel privileged because I am bound by a new edict under what is known, I hear, as the Patriot Act, Southern Chapter, to announce there is a military person travelling with us today.

A big Flight Captain's welcome and a fawning thank you for your service. Loading We now ask that the rest of you stand, file down the aisle and each personally express your gratitude to our military guest. The actual words required are “Thank you for your service”. Those who have travelled to the great United States of America will be familiar with the phrase and gesture. Hold on! Flight Attendant Garry has just informed me that our military guest is suffering a life-threatening attack of the embarrassments, gurgling about wishing to be treated like any other citizen and threatening violence on anyone who would divide one group of Australians from another.