Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s.

WALSH

Transfers:

IN: Bookaku

OUT: Zlatz

Simple swap. Discussed on the pod - wanted to cover myself with Lukaku this weekend and removing suspended human was straightforward. Opted to not take a hit for some shitty guy and will roll out what I have for the weekend. If you’re keeping track at home that would be 8 lads.

GK: The ill one himself, Tom Heaton. Fucking guy. Take some fucking dayquil and go play. You don’t even have to run, you’re a fucking keeper. Pussy.

DEF: Two lads this weekend…Brunt and Baines. Poop. Idk what they’ll do. Probably nothing.

MID: Here’s where I need some points to roll in. Siggy keeps ticking…good lad..Barks has looked great since getting him so I’m hoping this is a weekend where he can bag a goal as he is a massive differential. Finally my double Pool mids in Mane and Phil will go again. So far it’s been pretty good since getting them both in two gameweeks ago. Hoping they figure out how to batter a shit side at home.

FWD: One and only one person for me, Lukaku. Hope he tits.

CAP: Lukaku. Not really a doubt in my mind on this matter. With Liverpool struggling against the bottom dwellers it represented too much risk to go with Phil who I would have preferred to Mane since he can’t run behind a bus with his pace. I think Coutinho could be a nice returner for me this weekend but I still persist in thinking that West Brom is a completely shit side and Lukaku could have some joy there. Perhaps won’t put up a crooked number but I don’t think a double return is out of the question. He’s a flat track bully and I’m happy to have him and not have to be scared this weekend about it.

ALON

Transfers:

IN (For -4 points): Lukaku and Matip

OUT: Zlatz and Holebas

Zlat to Lukaku as Walsh summed up above is as simple as it gets. No thought put in here whatsoever.

Matip on the other hand… Liverpool bias? Certainly. But I also have some reasoning. I think it’s reasonable to consider this hit a -2 instead of a -4 since Matip will for sure start and play 90 as he always does when fit and Holes has no game of course. On top of that Matip looks REALLY likely to score a goal soon. He’s a proven career goalscorer and his goal threat stats have been scenic lately (over the last four GWs amongst defenders Joel is #1 in goal attempts and #1 in shots in the box with some other fruitful stats too). And then lastly Liverpool are home Burnley this week which is a terrific defensive fixture.

LFC are not the tightest thing on Earth to say the least but basically I’m looking at my defense as a unit going forward I will be starting Alonso every week, I think I’ll turn Baines into someone better maybe Toby, and then (without Matip) I’d’ve had to decide between three of the worst defenses in the league in Watford / Hull / Swansea every week and that felt really bad to me. Liverpool have 3 home matches in the next 4 and some really good fixtures after that. Gimme a couple cleans and a dong or two and I’m titting.

I’m planning to take -4s in three consecutive weeks (this week included) to get in Kane, Alexis, Toby, and Ugly Pelle Gabbiadini Lad for Kun, KDB, Baines, and Ashley Barnes.

GK: N/A

DEF: I have four guys which is weird but OK let’s do it. Bainesy is home WBA so he’ll probably concede at least one or two and do nothing offensively - I’ve lost faith in Bainesy. Robertson and Fernandez face off in a mega relegation fuck fest. A draw is probably fine for Swans so maybe they’ll be passive/defensive but Hull need to win so who knows. Why am I talking about this match I’m sure both of my guys will blank as they both suck dick and both teams also suck dick. Lastly new lad and great, great friend Joel my favorite Joel come on lad. The force is strong in this one / goals are imminent in this one.

MID: Snoddy has been a nightmare for me in my stubbornness going for him over Siggy just because I’m a salty fuck has cost me probably around 40 points which is good… Maybe Snod will tit against the worst defense in the league, or maybe he’ll just get dropped for Ayew or something and fuck me, fuck. He needs to drive around with babies not wearing seatbelts more often because he was scoring a lot more points back then… Only other lad I got (assuming Stanislas fuck doesn’t play) is glorious Mane. I was looking a bit at Liverpool and they actually fucking wreck at home even against the shit buses despite popular perception. The last time they got blanked at home in the league was GW8 versus Manure so who knows maybe we’re all overthinking the Liverpool suck vs bad teams meta at least from an attacking standpoint…

FWD: SMASHLEY Barnes last time he played for me got me a tidy -1 puntos hopefully he comes right back into the side for Vokes but fuck me who knows.. He’ll be gone soon for Gabbiadini as he’s a twat but it’s been real. And yes Romelu of course everyone and their momma has big Rom this week so go on.

CAP: Actually going a bit rogue. I have Lukaku covered, who will certainly be #1 captain in a landslide, but I’m going with Mane. As I alluded to in the midfield section above LFC actually just don’t really get blanked at home. It’s happened exactly one time in the league all season and that was back in GW8 so fuck it. When comparing Burnley and West Brom (RE: Rom) defensively it’s not even close; Burnley are worse in every possible statistic ranging from basic shit like goals conceded and # of clean sheets to the underlying stuff we like ie. shots conceded in/out of the box, big chances conceded, defensive errors, just everything. So fuck it maybe the strategy that Walsh and I discussed of owning the most popular captaincy picks but capping other humans is the way to go. Let’s see how it goes this week for me. Wish me luck.