This election has been a long, drawn-out, stressful event

Never before have we had to shield our students and children from the news coverage of an election, as it related to language, conduct, or dangerous rhetoric. Never before have people felt as marginalized or as frightened by a candidate. Never before have we had fear-based information pumped into us through news programs, social media, and disturbing commercials twenty-four hours a day. Never before have we seen hatred toward people who are different from us or who have different values than we do delivered unapologetically as part of a political campaign.

Parents, teachers, and citizens have expressed fear and uncertainty about how to talk to our young people, our students, and our children about the election and the results. Many people have identified feeling stages of grief, including shock, bargaining, sadness, and anger around the election. Many women, minorities, and other vulnerable people have described feeling triggered by the images and statements of hatred and disrespect in the news or feel frightened by hints about deportation or legalizing marginalization. As a psychologist, I have seen these reactions from my clients (many of whom are children), as well as my friends, colleagues, and business associates. It has been and still is a difficult time for the American people.

Maslow’s hierarchy, a well-known developmental theory, states that in order for us to be content, we must have basic needs (food, shelter), and safety needs met. Until these needs are met, our activities become habitually directed toward fulfilling them. In other words, until we feel safe we will continue to worry about how to get safe, and we may even find ways to cope (like fear and hatred) that make us temporarily feel better, but in the long-term make us feel worse. (Not to mention, make things worse.) The most powerful way to reduce our misery, whatever its cause, is to help the world feel and be safe, starting with ourselves.

So, how do we do that? Here are a few suggestions.

Remind yourself of the ways in which you are safe.

What makes you feel safe can include your home, your relationships, your town, or your job.

Remember that the government moves slowly.

The Constitution and three branches of government limit political power. Politicians have term limits, which also balance out absolute power.

Email or contact supportive state and local representatives and share your concerns.

They represent you. Ask them what they can do to keep you safe.

Remember that the opposite of fear is trust, love, and understanding.

Martin Luther King, Jr. said that only love can drive out fear and hate. I wholeheartedly agree. Doing something good in the world can help dissipate hate and fear. Donate to charities or groups that need help, or support causes that increase your sense of safety.

Researchers have found a connection between kindness and contentment.

People who make a regular habit of gratitude and kindness report higher levels of contentment and happiness (as well as less stress and sadness). And by being kind to others we all make the world safer and therefore probably feel safer ourselves. Try to do something kind every day. Hold a door for someone or help them with their groceries. Make eye contact and say hello.

Spend time with your pets and watch how they live and how they make you feel.

Dogs and cats, puppies and kittens, are the embodiment of love and joy. If you don’t have a pet, you can volunteer at the animal shelter or dog or cat sit. It’s good to donate to the animal shelter.

Be aware of your biases and ask yourself why you have them.

Are you afraid of people from different ethnic backgrounds? Are you unsure of how to live or work with people of different genders, sexual orientation, political affiliation, or gender identities? Learn more, talk more, be open to different experiences. Challenge yourself to understand more and fear less. As people, we are more alike than different. None of us is perfect, and none of us is all bad. We are simply people. Only through experience, understanding and familiarity do fear and hate vanish.

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