So,

young single adults ... have you ever been in a ward you didn't like? The

chemistry was off? Didn't connect with your quorum? Not enough hotties?

Too few mingles?

Well, what did you do about it?

If your answer is, "I served others, fulfilled my calling, loved the congregation and tried harder," then kudos. Good work.

If your answer is, "I up and left," then you're a ward hopper and we need to talk.

The costs of jumping shipIt

may seem like a small thing to go to a fresh ward each Sunday — after

all, you're still going to church. But Charles Schwab, who was recently

released from his position as a young single adult ward bishop in Salt

Lake City, says that if everyone gave each ward in their area a trial

run, the church couldn't function, and lives couldn't be blessed.

"What would happen if everybody had to be in the 'top' ward?" Schwab asked. "Then what happens to all the other wards?"

The

fact is that members can't fully participate in the edifying experience

that is church membership if they don't regularly attend the ward to

which they're assigned, he said, and they can't serve others or be

served.

"If I don't have their

church membership, then they don't get a calling. So they miss out on

the whole sanctifying experience," said Schwab, who teaches institute

at the University of Utah. "They can't pay their tithing to me. ... They

can't come in for an interview. They can't go through the repentance

process. I can't give them a temple recommend."

Jeff

Lee, a bishop of a YSA ward in Lynnwood, Wash., says ward boundaries

are important, and venturing too far outside of them can sometimes make

serving others difficult. The boundaries of his ward cover more than 20

miles, and so if someone from outside that area insists on attending,

that person's home teachers or visiting teachers then have to travel 30

or 40 minutes to fulfill their responsibilities.

"If you're outside of those boundaries ... it's a hardship," he said.

Not just about socializing

The

biggest reason young adults give for ward hopping is "meeting new

people," Bishop Schwab said. While socializing is certainly a big

component of young adult wards, they're designed for worship first and

foremost. That's why going from place to place for the sake of meeting

others or getting phone numbers isn't advisable.

Jared

Mickelsen, 27, said he attended a friend's ward for months after he

made a career move to Salt Lake City because he didn't know anyone in

his designated ward. Because he had a built-in friend, however, he

never got out of his comfort zone to make new acquaintances while he

was hopping. It wasn't until he went back to his own ward, got a

calling as ward clerk and went to all his meetings that he began to

make new friends. And now, the ward doesn't seem quite as "weird" as

when he first scoped it out.

"I enjoy the ward very much so," he said.

When

he was starting out on his own, Mickelsen said it was tempting to be a

"sacrament meetinger" and skip out on priesthood meeting and Sunday

School. He said he felt it was a choice between "sitting by yourself

for three hours or sitting by yourself for an hour and a half." But his

calling made him accountable and introduced him to new people.

There

were times when Bishop Schwab would notice an unfamiliar person enter

the chapel during sacrament meeting and look around the entire meeting,

not listening to the messages, but rather scoping out everyone in the

ward. Afterward, he or one of his counselors would ask the visitor if

he or she planned on moving in. When the answer was a predictable 'I'm

not sure,' Bishop Schwab would ask him or her to leave, which was

always followed by defensiveness.

"If they're mad at you for enforcing the rules, you know where their heart is," he said.

Randy

Blades, a BYU graduate, said he's been known to go from ward to ward in

hopes of meeting a girl to date. Now three months into a deployment to

Iraq, where there are no church services in his battalion, Blades said

he misses the supportive environment found in the church, even in the

wards you're not sold on.

"I miss having a ward. It's a support system. It gives you the motivation to do the right," he said.

Bishop

Lee said that people who judge the quality of a prospective ward based

on the looks of its members are missing the wonderful opportunities

found only in young adult wards.

"When you really get in and make an effort," he said, "there can be such a spiritual ... closeness and development of testimony."

It's all in the approach

Bishop

Schwab said that young adults are a unique group, and consequently

there will be rare exceptions where it makes sense for someone to attend a

ward outside their boundaries, but those rare exceptions should be handled

on a case-by-case basis under the direction of the bishop.

"If

you think you have a valid enough reason to not be in the ward in your

area, then talk to the ecclesiastical leaders of both wards," he said,

"and let them counsel you, and listen to their counsel."

It's

the serial hopping that's a problem, not the person from outside the

boundaries who, under the direction of the bishop, attends and

contributes. Bishop Schwab said the hallmark characteristic of a ward

hopper is selfishness and an attitude of "what can you give me?"

"They're

looking for the perfect ward," he said. "And when they hit a ward that

they really, really fancy, they stay for a while, but what I've noticed

is a lot of them never came in to participate or to contribute. They

didn't come in to serve. ... They just came in to take."

They

want to be entertained, fed, visited and taught, but don't care to put

forth any of their own effort, and oftentimes they don't even attend

all of their meetings.

"You need to look at the intentions of your heart and not the excuses you come up with to justify yourself," he said.

E-mail: mfarmer@desnews.com