Church of England accused of airbrushing Jesus into history

The Church of England has been accused by confectioners of airbrushing a fictional superhero with magic powers into the country’s history.

Accusations have emerged that Church leaders made up stories about a man with magic powers and made it seem like they actually happened about two-thousand years ago.

“They just airbrushed him in there, in the period just before the Romans conquered Wales. Stuff about walking on water, being amazing at catering, coming back to life like a long-lost soap opera character – all literally unbelievable stuff.

“I think it’s pretty offensive for them to think they can just go around re-writing history like that, when millions of people don’t care about their favourite superhero – at all.”

“You have to remember that the years 0-50 were important for a great many things, and yet they try and crowbar in this Jesus guy just so they can get a few more punters through their doors a couple of times a year and make a few quid.

“The capitalist pigs.”

Jesus is watching – He particularly likes it when you shower