On Tuesday night, House Democrats announced that Robert Mueller will publicly testify next month about his investigation into Russian election interference and possible obstruction by Donald Trump, and the president is not taking the news well. We know this because on Wednesday morning, he called into Fox Business for a chat that was ostensibly meant to be about the economy and lost his goddamn mind—even more than usual. Speaking to host Maria Bartiromo, Trump kicked things off by insisting there is no reason whatsoever for Mueller to speak to anyone about his report. “It never ends,” the president said, claiming “we had no obstruction” when, of course, that’s not exactly the case.

With that little prelude out of the way, the subject then turned to the administration‘s wildly unpopular, self-defeating trade war. Bartiromo noted that the markets having been trading higher due to optimism that a meeting between Trump and Chinese president Xi Jinping at the G20 might lead to a deal. “What would be a victory to you, what do you want the Chinese to do in terms of a trade deal?” To which Trump responded with…this collection of words:

“We had a deal with [China], and it was very close, we were just finishing it, and you know my whole life is deals. I know when we have them and when we don’t—like with Mexico, we made a deal with Mexico…they know what we have, and if we don’t have intellectual property, theft protections, the opening of China…if we don’t have the opening of China, if we don’t have the things we negotiated, maybe even more than that…and right now, look, we’re getting 25% on $250 billion worth of goods, nobody ever heard of such a thing, it’s massive amount of money. Don’t play, don’t let anyone tell you that China’s not paying for it, China’s paying for it…and we’re not paying for any of it.” (Fact check: false.)

He continued: “Since tariffs have been on, the market has been going through the roof if you know what I’m talking about…Now you have another $325 billion I haven’t taxed yet. IT’S. RIPE. FOR. TAXING. For putting tariffs on…. It‘s been an incredible thing. Am I happy now? Absolutely…. When you say, ‘Are we going to make a deal?’ It’s possible we’re going to make a deal, but I’m also very happy where we are now, we’re taking in a fortune…. There’s no way you can beat the tariffs, there‘s no way you can make that money…[the tariffs] help us in ways that nobody even wants to talk about, that I don’t want to talk about them.”

And apparently, because the trade war with Beijing is working out so well, Europe may be next. “Are you working on a deal with Europe?” Bartiromo wondered. “Is Europe going to be your next target after you’re done with China?” It is if Uncle Don has anything to say about it! “Europe treats us worse than China,” Trump ranted. “I come from Europe, you come from Europe, you’re of the European nations. European nations were set up in order to take advantage of the United States…. They have [European Central Bank president Mario] Draghi who is—we should have Draghi instead of our Fed person. Draghi, as you know, last week he said lower interest rates and we’re going to stimulate the economy…and with us we have a Fed that keeps raising interest rates.”

In reality, of course, the Fed has not raised interest rates since December and indicated last week that a cut may be in the offing. But speaking of Jerome Powell, aka Trump’s archnemesis du jour, here’s what the president of the United States had to say about his hand-selected central bank chief:

Trump, who apparently thinks he’s some kind of talent agent who “discovered” Powell bagging groceries and made a star, went on to claim that he has “the right” to demote or fire the Fed chair, which, it may or may not surprise you to hear, he actually doesn’t.