It all started with a girl. Of course.

May 1st 2017 I was set up on a blind date with a friend of a friend. It went well enough and we started dating. I was around 265 lbs, living a sedentary life. She woke me up you could say. I started eating better and riding my bike to get into shape. We were spending too much time together, and it did not leave much time for self-improvement. After a while she invited me to a wedding and I said yes, but I had no idea how to dance. Shortly thereafter the relationship failed, and I had all of this time to work on myself. I had lost about 15-20 pounds during the relationship and decided to focus on health while reinventing myself. I completely changed my diet, healthier foods, smaller portions, water only. When I started riding my bike, it was a real accomplishment to go 2 miles the first day, then 4 miles the next week and so on and so forth. It just kept growing and building. I was also open to new experiences after the break up. And as luck would have it, a dance studio representative was at a networking meeting around this time. She had a starter deal: two private lessons and two group classes for a low price. I thought that this is a great thing to try, something new and learn to dance for future weddings.

Let me just say that walking through the door for the first time was the best decision I have ever made.

I was welcomed with open arms by everyone there. The lessons started with simple steps for waltz, foxtrot, tango, rumba, cha-cha and swing. It was the middle of summer but after each lesson I was covered in sweat, (tmi sorry). I got the hang of some of it and just enjoyed the experience. I was worried I would look foolish or fall on my face, but when I started to dance nobody was paying any attention to anyone else. Nobody cared about what you know or do not know. Dancing itself was some of the most fun I have ever experienced but the community and support of all of the teachers and students is why I stayed. Dancing provided many benefits: active lesson for 1-2 hours (cardio), confidence in myself and my abilities, more socially outgoing, better posture, more positive outlook on life, and more.

Cut to 4-5 months down the road, and I have been dancing 2-3 nights a week since the middle of July. In spite of fluctuating weight or “plateaus.” I have lost 60 pounds and have never felt better physically or mentally. I have confidence in my body image and dance knowledge. I know I can dance with anyone at a bar or party. Some things are the same such as a careful and strict diet, and really diet was how most of the weight was lost. I went from a 42-44 inch waist to 38s being loose. (The heads started turning when I invested in a few new outfits that properly fit.) I jump on my bike and ride 15-20 miles once a week, simply due to shortened days of the winter. (Go away Jack Frost!) And I have made some really good friends through it all. If you ever do decide to try out a few dance lessons you will quickly discover teachers genuinely want you to succeed in dance and in life. They are your biggest fans, hardest critics, and even excellent wingmen. My teacher is now a dear friend.

My outlook on the future is positive. There is no reason to not have all that I want. I will keep dancing for as long as I can. I am dating again with the confidence I have never known. I am so close to being under 200 pounds for the first time in 5-6 years. I know that I will always have to work diligently for a healthy body and active lifestyle, and since I started dancing, keeping active does not look too bad at all.

Dancing has been the source of confidence I have taken to use the dance floor as a way of meeting new people and making connections. The first event was a trade expo for work. I work at a senior monthly magazine, and we go to trade shows focused on seniors – think a large gym with tables and booths for companies like estate law, retirement communities, bathroom safety features, you get the picture. Two dance organizations were also in attendance and there was a small floor in the large room. Eager to show off for the ladies in the event, I asked someone about my age if she would like to dance. She politely declined. No big deal, there were a lot of older friends with different companies I work closely with, and we had a great time. Even one client who I have always found cold and distant took a turn. And she has been nothing but warm and kind ever since! Still that first young woman took notice. She came by to talk and nothing ever came of it. But the confidence dancing brought me was so intoxicating and obviously beneficial.

Over the course of the last few months I have focused this new found confidence to all social aspects of life. I took a date to a free community salsa class. I prepared beforehand changing my private lesson to salsa only so I could impress! The night comes and we arrive at the class only to find out…”Oh we decided to have a Bachata lesson instead, here we go!” (I have never ever done any bachata) I muddled through ok but my steely eyed confidence was in tatters. I learned a valuable lesson. Fake it till you make it. The date did not seem to care at all!

Just this last week I had been seeing someone new and felt comfortable bringing her to a salsa class at my studio. I knew they would stick to the plan this time! My private instructor was teaching this class, and I made sure she knew what was up. We got there a little late, the class had 4 pairs and we made the 5th. It was the beginner class and I usually go to the advanced class and my date took ballroom classes in college. We were head and shoulders above the rest of the class, but I wanted to have a positive experience, and my teacher helped that to happen. She was a total wing man, bless her. Normally partners rotate every few minutes so that everyone can see how different people handle leading, following, skill levels, and size difference. Towards the end of the class I pulled my date aside to “allow more room.” Of course I warned her about how the class worked, but it was very clear she only wanted to dance with me. The intense eye contact and her trust in my lead was one of the most intimate experiences of my life. It was not until that night that I realized how much you can say while dancing without a single word.