Introducing your boyfriend to your parents is a normal step in any relationship with a white person. However, if you come from a traditional Asian family, introducing your boyfriend to your parents can be a cultural minefield that you’d rather not walk through. Ever! Because even though you love your parents for all that they’ve sacrificed, introducing them to a boy can be more stressful than simply hiding said boy forever. So here’s how to help all parties involved remain ignorant of each other’s existence for as long as possible.

Figure out the Right Time to Hide Everything

When’s the right time to go from omitting information about your relationship to actively hiding it? Well, it depends! If you’ve only been seeing someone for a month or so, you can continue not mentioning them to your parents. But if you’ve been dating long enough that you’re living together or even married, it’s time to hide everything! Tell your parents that you haven’t been home for a while because you’re working three full-time marketing jobs and that you’re only unmarried because you haven’t met the right engineering CEO. They’ll be too proud of you to ask any more questions!

Don’t Tell Him About Your Parents

Your boyfriend has probably figured out that you have parents through deductive reasoning. When he wants to know more, keep it vague. A flippant “Oh, they’re just super strict,” will usually do the trick! If it doesn’t, try joking around. Pretend you were born from egg. Look around frantically with your hands up and say, “Wait what?? How did I get here! Haha, I don’t know what you’re talking about because I just hatched from a egg!!” Your boyfriend will find this strange for a minute, but will ultimately move on and forget to ask about meeting your parents.

Pick a Location to Send Him to When Your Parents Visit

There are many places to send your boyfriend so that he’s not subjected to a two-hour rapid-fire barrage of questions about his income, followed by a thorough breakdown of all your worst flaws. So choose a location that he’ll enjoy! Send him to the mall for a pretzel, or a park where he can enjoy the open space, while you squeeze yourself into the narrow confines of your parents’ social conservatism. Almost done!

Give Him a Warning that You’re Leaving Him

Now that you’ve gotten serious with a guy, you have two options: getting him to understand the world that you come from, or breaking up with him. The second option is more likely. Make sure you give him fair warning about the breakup. You’ll adjust to his absence quicker than you’ll adjust to even one second of overlap between your carefree American dating life and your family’s inflexible, shame-based traditions. Being multicultural is fun!

Figure Out if You’re Gay

It sounds counterintuitive, but if you’re a woman and you’re gay, you cannot introduce a boyfriend to your parents because you don’t have one! You have a girlfriend. The benefit of this is being able to introduce her to your folks as a close friend. Unfortunately, this is the only benefit.

Remember: Your parents immigrated here with only your best interests in mind. However, they’re not some kind of white family that’s comfortable with casual dating, so you’ll need to follow this advice to keep yourself sane! Good luck!