The rumours started early on in my career. Having come back from pre-season training a couple of the players in my own dressing room made a joke about me going camping with a team-mate. The innuendo followed me for the whole of my career. If a game I was playing in was quiet the songs would start. “Le Saux takes it up the arse” rang out from the terraces for 15 years.

I had no support from anybody in football, and in fact a few people made it worse. Suddenly I became the non-gay, gay spokesman in the sport. In some ways, it would have been easier if I had been gay. I could have just stood up and said: “Yes I am, what’s your problem?” Instead there was a weird situation of denying it, but at the same time saying there would be nothing wrong if I was.

I’m sure the dressing room would be incredibly supportive if a team-mate choose to come out now. Society and football as a whole have changed massively since I played, as a BBC survey this week shows, 92% of fans would have no problem if one of their team’s players was gay. Progress has been made. But that still leaves 8% who say they would stop supporting their team if there was a gay player. If that 8% are so appalled at the thought of a gay player being on their team then we should ask them to step forward, own their views and we can just ban them. They’re not welcome in football.

When I started out, anybody who was perceived as different was an easy target for the bullying culture and humour that exist in the sport. This was true for black players for many years – they were treated appallingly and it was seen as a toughening-up exercise. Thankfully that has changed. The game opened its doors to people from different backgrounds and cultures, reflecting a broader societal shift. And that’s always the caveat with football: people may try to focus on the sport as the problem, but it’s only ever reflective of society. As people’s prejudices were challenged on a regular basis that kind of intolerance was driven out on the terraces and in the dressing room.

‘Germany international Thomas Hitzlsperger only revealed he was gay after retiring because he wanted to focus on being the best player he could be.’ Photograph: Rex/Shutterstock

There’s obviously a huge difference between race and sexuality in terms of visibility. The numbers of black players was obvious – they had strength in numbers. If a player wanted to come out their support network is less obvious. The Premier League and Germany international Thomas Hitzlsperger only revealed he was gay after retiring because he wanted to focus on trying to be the best player he could be.

Football is a highly pressurised arena, so it’s completely understandable why someone would not want to add that extra layer of intrigue, attention and focus. Because whether we like it or not, when a top-level professional footballer does come out the attention on them will be huge. That doesn’t mean it’s going to be abusive, but they will become a role model, a trailblazer for an area of the game that isn’t up to speed with the rest of society. That’s not a responsibility to take on lightly, regardless of how welcoming an environment football can become.

At the moment other sports are leading the way – and rugby league’s Keegan Hirst, of the Wakefield Wildcats, has shown how accepting we can be.

I don’t agree with Greg Clarke, the FA chairman, when he says that he doesn’t think football is ready for a gay player to come out, saying it might be a “year or two” before it’s safe enough for them to do so. That sends completely the wrong message. A lot has changed in the past five years – and now I don’t think there is a wrong time for someone to step up and say: “This is who I am, I’m proud of that, and now it’s up to you in the game to support me.” Everybody has a duty to protect and help that person. The press, the fans, the players, the stewards.

But a football pitch will never be a “safe space” – it isn’t for anyone. If you do something wrong, you’ll get hammered. If you do something right you’re applauded. This is not your regular working environment. Every football song, every dig at a player, every time a team wins or loses, there’s one-upmanship, there’s the mocking of the loser and the gloating of the victor. And that’s not going to change.

Brighton and Hove Albion defender Shane Duffy: ‘Homophobic abuse used to be commonplace but has been driven out of the stands.’ Photograph: ProSports/Rex/Shutterstock

The challenge is in educating people about what is and isn’t an acceptable part of that. I sat in the stands at Chelsea when I was 18 with fans behind me abusing the opposition’s black players, when we had three black players of our own. That doesn’t happen to black players any more – a racist supporter shouting things is now so isolated they can be removed immediately. That’s where it has to get with homophobia. Sadly there are still 8% as ignorant as those people sat behind me as a kid. It’s mindless. We just have to work harder, to create better education, less tolerance of intolerance, and make sure these people get exposed. That’s already happening – just look at the shift at Brighton and Hove Albion, where homophobic abuse used to be commonplace, but has been effectively driven out of the stands.

Success won’t just be about gay players coming out. Success will be everybody feeling welcome in the game. If there are young gay men out there not going into football because they fear they can’t be themselves, or that they’re being judged, then that’s a failure. And that’s what we have to change. Perhaps part of that will be having gay role models, so players coming out will be an important part of that. But let’s not pretend that won’t amplify the media attention around an individual and that’s not football’s fault.

We can’t make people feel obliged to come out – as Hitzlsperger made abundantly clear, the most important thing for a footballer, whether gay or straight, will always be to make the most out of the short career they have. It’s up to us to take up the slack and open up sport to everybody in society and drive homophobia out of football.