WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—House Speaker John Boehner has scheduled a joint session of Congress in April to hear an address by Kevin Laggett, a man who is on record as having hated President Obama in high school.

Boehner, who personally extended the invitation to Laggett, said that he did not consult with the President before contacting his high-school nemesis.

"This has nothing to do with the President," Boehner said. "Many of us in Congress are very interested in what Mr. Laggett has to say."

According to a source who attended high school with both men, Laggett's antipathy for the President began when Obama was chosen over him for the post of sports editor on the school newspaper. “Kevin has totally despised him ever since,” the source said.

Reached in Honolulu, where he works as an assistant manager at Applebee's, Laggett said that his speech to Congress would steer clear of personal issues between him and Obama.

"I'm going to leave that stuff at the door," he said. "I'm just going to talk about the job he's doing as President, which he's screwing up pretty bad, in my opinion."

At the White House, the President responded testily when asked if he intended to watch Laggett's speech. "Kevin is a tool," he said.

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