Job Interview Responses From a Millennial Liberal Arts Major

“Nice to meet you. Essentially, I graduated from college where I did lots of group projects.”



“Define: applicable skills.”



“I’m essentially unfamiliar with supply chain logistics. But, I’m on Facebook and Twitter, like, all day, so I could utilize social media to… STREAMLINE, yeah streamline, company tasks. Hashtag, profit maximization.”



“I’m not good with “numbers” per say, but I read a Krugman piece on globalization and it’s impact on the American economy and found it fascinating. You know, Paul Krugman from the New York Times… yeah, I read the Times like it’s my job. In fact! It could be my job here; I’d love to just read the news and tell you what’s going on as soon as I check the comments section to verify what the article is essentially talking about."



“I’ve always seen myself more as an ideas guy. Take Steve Jobs. In essence, he was like, “Ya know what’s annoying? CDs. I want my music on a tiny device where you can transfer songs from computer to said device.” And BOOM, the iPod. See that’s me—big picture stuff."



“Phone skills? Why couldn’t I just correspond via email? It’s not like I’d need time to google answers to simple questions I should know in order to avoid the excruciatingly painful ’uh’s’… it’s just, essentially, the phone is dead technology… Lot of buzz on the blogs—BUSINESS blogs.”



“Now I noticed everyone in a shirt and tie. Is that only for today? Also, couches and game rooms—where are they?”



“Don’t you want to hear about my volunteering?”



“Last question: How do you define the existential purpose of this company? From a Kierkegaard perspective, essentially.”