Democratic Vice Presidential candidate Tim Kaine paid a visit to the Late Show with Stephen Colbert on Thursday night in one of those almost obligatory appearances candidates have to make to get the crowd revved up and enthusiastic to vote. I think the opposite happened with Kaine on Colbert — he may have convinced some viewers that a vote for Hillary Clinton and Kaine is a vote for sleepiness.



Starting with his opening answer to Colbert — that he “never dreamed” he’d be on a talk show — on through a statement of purpose (“I’m a bridge-builder; I love reconciliation and bringing people together”), Kaine was earnest to the point of torpor. Yes, we’re all sick of Donald Trump’s barrage of insults, but there’s got be a middle ground where passion and principle coexist.



Colbert gave him openings, to be sure. Asking Kaine to comment on the “softening” of “[Trump’s] stance on immigration,” Kaine responded by speaking in Spanish. Groan. He’s reduced a facility in language into a parlor trick he’s used at the Democratic Convention and elsewhere. Recognizing this, Colbert said sharply, “What is the Spanish word for ‘pander?’”

Bringing up the opposition’s spurious claims that Clinton is ailing, Colbert asked with mock concern, “How’s her health? Can she sit up under her own power?” Instead of having a snappy answer, Kaine maundered: “She could beat me in the New York marathon … but I don’t think we’ll do that because we have a campaign to run.” I’m guessing people at home switched over to Jimmy Fallon at around the word “because.”



“You’re supposed to be an attack dog for your candidate,” said Colbert. “I’ll let you off the chain right now.” He asked Kaine to respond to Trump calling Clinton a bigot. Instead of attacking with passion, a joke, or a savage dismissal, Kaine went into a pre-programmed robot line about how Hillary worked to “fight school desegregation in Alabama.” Nice to hear, but, hoo boy, if that’s Kaine’s attack-dog mode, we’ve got a bichon frise aiming for the White House.

Kaine’s appearance was so tedious, Colbert had to deploy a taped segment that used a Tim Kaine impersonator. It was almost a funny idea: Colbert’s postproduction supervisor, Mark Spada, looks a bit like Kaine, so the show put him in a suit, and Colbert took Spada/Kaine out on the Manhattan streets to greet people. The result was nearly as enervating as talking to Kaine.



I swear, the most exciting moment of the interview was when Colbert, a legit Sunday school teacher, asked Kaine, a former Jesuit missionary, his favorite New Testament quote, and Kaine rattled one off with rapid-fire ease. (For the record, it was from Philippians 2 and started with the phrase, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit but with humility.”) Yet somehow I don’t think that clip will go as viral as Britney Spears doing “Carpool Karaoke.” To be fair, Kaine probably isn’t any duller than Trump’s veep pick, Mike Pence, when he’s being interviewed.

The Late Show With Stephen Colbert airs weeknights at 11:30 p.m. on CBS.