Posted by Andy, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

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New baby teeth are such a fake out. As a parent, you suffer so much for those little things to come in, so when they do, you almost want to do backflips, build a bonfire and set off fireworks. Maybe we’re talking about me at this point, but in any case, it’s a huge achievement, a life experience never to be forgotten. But, remember, you could use these same words to describe surviving a shark attack…

Baby teeth are sharp! Babies are so amazing, however, you sit there chuckling like a moron juggling grenades, drunk on the cuteness. As a dad, you’ve got the little drooling one on your knee and you stick out a soon-to-be-unfortunate knuckle â€“ BLAM!!! Aaaaarg! Or, as a breastfeeding mom, you sit there in the afternoon glow with the nestling angel, whip out a boob and â€“ BLAM!!! Yeeeeeow!

Some have mentioned that tickling a baby is the best way to get them to release their razor-clamp, but please be warned, it can just as often result in a harder bite. Also, if someone told you that the best way to stop a Great White from gnawing you in half was to tickle its nose, would you really be capable of recalling that tip in the moment, let alone putting it into practice?

I’m not trying to instill fear in anyone, I’m just trying to say that snakes apparently do not appreciate you relieving yourself two feet away and that baby teeth are supercalifragilisticexpialidociously sharp. So, be cautious about where you drop trou’ in the woods, and give your nipples and knuckles the same consideration when a baby has just gotten some of its teeth.

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Facebook always seems like it’s teething…

No, seriously. Doesn’t it?

Verop torlap insortiata

That’s not Latin. Uhhhh, yeah. Our Instructional Diagrams make about as much sense as that.

