The Family Ferrari

My son wants a Ferrari for Christmas and I’m thinking about getting it for him.

I can afford it; my neighbor has a used one for sale. Apparently it’s been “too much car” for him, so it sits in his garage.

I will definitely give my son driving lessons – I know that owning a car like that is a true responsibility. My son hasn’t learned how to drive yet, so I may have to make some modifications to the car, just in case it turns out to be “too much car” for us as well.

Performance cars have special tires; they allow the car to corner at high speeds and provide exceptional traction. Excellent in a racing car, but probably overkill for our family, so I will take it down to Costco for some regular Honda tires.

Performance cars also tend to be noisy – my neighbors are going to object if every morning the car roars to life. Part of the problem is the muffler – or lack thereof, so I’ll need to add a muffler.

Obviously there are liability issues with a fast and powerful car, so I’m only going to let him drive it when I’m there to supervise. Otherwise it will stay in the garage where everyone can be safe.

Some of you may be thinking a Ferrari is overkill for a child, but my son really needs a hobby, and it does appear that there are a variety of tools and modifications that I can use to settle the car down. A little change here and a little change there, and soon I’ll have a Volkswagen interior with a Ferrari body. The car doesn’t care if we take out every ounce of it’s Ferrari nature – it’s just a car.

You should see what my neighbors want to buy for their family. A working line German Shepherd. The dog is supposed to become a hobby – the husband needs something to do when he gets home from work.

They know that a working line dog is a huge responsibility. They guard the property and can be suspicious with people – but they’ve heard that the right tools can control that. Rambunctious in the house? That’s why you should kennel a working dog. Boredom in the kennel causes barking? Got a special collar to stop that. Dog’s brain spins 10 times faster than the trainer’s brain? That’s OK too – all sorts of special tools can slow the dog down and suppress his instincts, so the owner will have some time to think about what to do next while the dog bubbles over with frustration.

Soon, he’ll be well behaved. Quiet. No trouble at all. And delighted with his incompetent training simply to get out of his kennel.

The potential owner of this dog has already been warned that “high drive dogs” aren’t like other dogs. They require a firm hand, lest they attempt a hostile takeover. Cannot live in a home. Require a wide range of power tools, because “no one can train a dog like that” without suppression.

No one.

Lightening quick, responsive and designed for performance. In a car, that’s my worst nightmare. In a dog, that’s my dream. I wonder how the dog feels about the modifications that are designed to take out every ounce of who he is and what he’s been bred to be, so that an unsophisticated trainer can handle a dog that is way outside of their skill level.

My son cannot even drive a car, so I will not buy him a Ferrari. It takes more than desire; it takes time and dedication to develop the skills to handle power intelligently, and common sense suggests that a novice learn on something easier rather than blaming the car for its design. You don’t get a Ferrari if you haven’t succeeded at freeway speeds with a Honda; stronger brakes and heavier bumpers are not the answer.

Might be something for my neighbor to think about.