The holidays can bring joyful days and warm nights, full of quality time with our loved ones. But they can also bring trepidation – and perhaps even dread – about spending time with family, friends and acquaintances with whom we disagree politically.

Of course, many people are content to discuss current events and politics – until they realize you have an opinion that clashes with theirs. And as we near the end of 2018, there is no shortage of hot-button issues that can serve as potential landmines: the political tumult in the United States, the coming Canadian federal election, the freshly announced GoFundMe campaign in favour of building Donald Trump’s border wall, transgender bathrooms, Indigenous land acknowledgements, allegations the Women’s March is anti-Semitic – and that’s just from recent memory.

It can get nasty very quickly. In some cases, keeping the peace in the name of a civil turkey dinner isn’t considered a worthwhile sacrifice. Add alcohol to the mix, along with gossip and other family grievances, and things can get vicious.

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A recent functional MRI study published in Nature’s Scientific Reports helps explain why: When political beliefs are challenged, the brain activates its “fight” response. In a sample of 40 individuals who considered themselves to be “political liberals of deep conviction," the findings suggest that when deeply held political beliefs are challenged, the brain responds much in the same way it would when a person is faced with physical harm. One brain network, involved in governing self-identity, was more active as well.

That this study took a look at liberals is interesting, given that the group often feels they have the monopoly on righteousness, priding themselves on being open-minded and tolerant, but sometimes taking political debate as an assault on self-identity and a personal attack on ethical codes. In 2017, the Pew Research Centre found that on the topic of Mr. Trump, 68 per cent of Democrats and 52 per cent of Republicans found it “stressful and frustrating” to talk with people who feel differently. And while 42 per cent of Republicans said it’s “interesting and informative” to discuss politics with those who disagree on Mr. Trump, only 28 per cent of Democrats said the same.

Perhaps most interestingly, 40 per cent of white Democrats said that knowing a friend had voted for Mr. Trump would strain their friendship, compared with 28 per cent of black Democrats and 25 per cent of Democrats who were Hispanic. Fewer Republicans (13 per cent) reported feeling similarly if a friend had voted for Hillary Clinton.

As a liberal myself, I’ve noticed that among many liberals, contrary opinions don’t just feel morally repugnant – they become a personal threat. Being in agreement on a variety of left-leaning issues is not enough to justify, in their minds, agreeing to disagree on a particular point, and heaven forbid continuing to interact if you are a conservative.

There is a better way, though, for all involved. I’m a big fan of keeping things short and sweet at such social events and family gatherings, or skipping get-togethers that are likely going to get contentious. In the event that this is out of your control, you can go in and resolutely refrain from talking about politics.

Even if someone feels the need to go there, it doesn’t mean the conversation is destined to head south. You can change the subject and physically remove yourself, even temporarily, from the conversation. As someone who has worked clinically with patients struggling with anger management, deep breathing and distraction help to mitigate provocation.

If you’re a full-grown adult and unwilling to keep your mouth shut, most of the people in your life probably already know this about you. They can act as a buffer to prevent disagreements from escalating and veering into the land of no return.

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I’d also recommend spending more time listening and asking questions than searching for ways to shut a person down. If there are aspects of their perspective that warrant merit, be willing to point this out. The only way to close the political divide is to hear the other side – not with the goal of changing their mind, but to come away with an understanding.