As Michelle arrived at her son's weekend sport, she fabricated a story about falling down the stairs to disguise the cause of her fractured cheekbone and black eye.

In reality, the teenage son she had just dropped off was the perpetrator.

It was just one of countless times her son inflicted violence on his mother, commonly involving punching, pushing and hurling objects — in one case she feared for her life as she was held at knifepoint for hours.

"As a mum you love your son," she said.

"And you try and put aside who he was becoming because … I still wanted to do the best I could for him."

When the abuse escalated, Michelle made the excruciatingly difficult decision to engage authorities in Canberra. This was a path another woman, Rebecca*, did not take, despite suffering constant emotional, psychological and financial abuse by her ex-partner for more than a decade.

Their vastly different journeys showed domestic violence did not discriminate. But for all the contrast, both women felt the long-lasting impacts of betrayal from those they loved and trusted.

Both women experienced the diminished confidence and self-worth that grew from self-blame. And both women shared their harrowing stories for a project run by the Domestic Violence Crisis Service (DVCS) and YWCA Canberra called Voices For Change, which trained and supported women who had faced family violence to become public advocates against abuse.

Michelle and Rebecca wanted those suffering alone to know there was help available, and there was a life after abuse.

'Felt like I'd failed as a mum'

Before the violence, Michelle described her family life as "normal" and "traditional".

That all changed one afternoon, when her second eldest son got in trouble at his high school.

As Michelle tried to find out what happened, she said "he just let rip".

"Swearing, aggressive language, threats of violence, threats of hurting me if I didn't do what he said or stay out of his way," she explained.

The violence quickly escalated from verbal to physical, often witnessed by her other children who would try to stop their brother from hurting their mum.

But despite their efforts, sometimes she was seriously injured.

Michelle repeatedly searched her mind for reasons behind her son's building aggression, but could not think of a point in time or incident that would have made him "flick".

"I just can't find it," she said.

"Was it something that I was doing? Was it something that I said, or didn't say? Was another family member affecting him?"

Michelle can't pinpoint any triggers as to when "a switch was flicked" in her son's behaviour. ( pxhere.com )

Despite the abuse she suffered at the hands of her own son, Michelle still tried to sustain their relationship.

As things deteriorated, she tried home-based counselling and mediation — none of it worked.

For the sake of her and her children's safety, she decided to move her son in with another family member.

"That was horrible because I felt like I'd failed as a mum … as head of the family," she said.

Pain attending court as victim and guardian

But her son's violence continued, causing her to make another painful decision and engage the ACT Children's Court. This was hurtful, intimidating and isolating — particularly when reading her victim impact statement — because she was not allowed a support person to accompany her.

"I had to be not only the victim of his violence and assaults, but I also had to be there as his mum and legal guardian," she said.

"So it was very hard and very difficult."

The whole process made her feel as though she had lost her identity as a mum, particularly to her son, as she had to stand up for herself in revealing what he had done and the impact it had caused.

Michelle said she no longer had contact with her son, now an adult and in prison.

She said she often wondered what his life would become.

Through speaking out, Michelle wanted to highlight that family violence was not always perpetrated by another adult, such as an intimate partner — and the challenges this situation caused when engaging the legal system.

She also wanted more education and encouragement for young people witnessing domestic violence to feel empowered to speak up and tell a teacher or family member.

Michelle stressed how services like the DVCS could help people experiencing family violence through their darkest days, as they had with her, and hoped she could reach other victims through the Voices for Change program.

"There was a stage where I thought, having a knife held to me and kept inside a house for many hours, I didn't think I would be here," she said.

"And I'm still going, I'm still here. And the positive is I've become an advocate … I'm giving a human voice, a human side to family and domestic violence."

'Never know what you're getting from one day to the next'

Rebecca still struggles with the self-doubt and self-blame the abuse instilled within her. ( ABC News: Clare Sibthorpe )

"Volatile from the word go" was how Rebecca described the start of a 13-year relationship that robbed her of her health, sense of self-worth and personality.

"It was flight or flight for most of my adult life," she said.

Before meeting her ex-partner, who the ABC will call Mark, Rebecca was a confident, bubbly and highly-motivated hospitality worker in her early 20s with an excitement for life.

She admitted she immediately saw flaws in Mark's character, such as aggression, intimidation and an over-exaggeration to minor events.

But she chose to ignore the red flags because he could be awful one day and loving the next, a trait she likened to an alternative personality.

As the relationship progressed, the abuse became more frequent and intense.

"You were never knowing what you were going to get from one day to the next," Rebecca said.

"He would be degrading and belittling. The language used was insane — things you wouldn't even think a human could say. You have to remember that you're not what they say you are, and that takes a long time."

There was a constant fear for herself and the children she had with Mark.

"Even though [the violence] wasn't physical, it was just a constant threat, and an intimidation and a dominance that, when someone exerts power in that kind of way, is very frightening."

Rebecca was forced to do all the housework and errands, while suffering "unbelievable pressure to perform and be perfect". Even when she did all that Mark demanded, it was never considered good enough.

He put on a polite, respectable facade in public, but the degrading language grew depending on how comfortable he felt.

"The more he was in a social setting, it was the best thing ever. But seconds before, I'd be told 'you're such a waste of breath'."

Over time Rebecca lost complete independence and control of her life — even financially.

She worked only part-time at a cafe and had no access to the household income Mark controlled. He gave her an "allowance" that was never enough and demanded she produce a receipt for everything, "down to a loaf of bread".

Body 'shut down', lived in 'survival mode'

Rebecca has rebuilt her life after suffering emotional, psychological and financial abuse by her ex-partner. ( Supplied )

While the abuse was never physical, the physical impacts were severe — including extreme weight and hair loss, dental and bowel problems, and anxiety levels "through the roof".

"It was like my body was shutting down from the inside out," she said.

Then there were the psychological effects, like social withdrawal and diminished self-esteem.

"I went from a really confident, hardworking young woman to a former shadow of who I was," Rebecca said.

"I was mute, numb, empty; I never reacted. I just did what I had to do to get through each day. That was it — survival mode. You just existed."

Knowing she could not go on the way things were, eventually Rebecca started secretly planning her escape.

Mark had tried to isolate her from her friends and family over time, but failed, so they supported her through every step of leaving the relationship.

She saved enough money to flee with her children to a house she rented, while her parents helped with bond, food and other costs.

When she confronted Mark with the news 24 hours before leaving — refusing to reveal where she was moving to — the violence escalated.

But she refused to turn back.

"I was relieved to be out of that environment," she said.

"I was also completely lost, because you don't know what's coming next — it's just a waiting game."

Many domestic violence murder victims are not physically harmed until they are killed. ( Pinterest: Jazzy Joplinaires )

Three years on from the escape, Rebecca said she still copped continued abuse.

But she managed to keep contact to a minimum, which was only ever done in public and was only to discuss the children.

Looking back, she regretted not leaving far earlier. But she explained the constant degradation and manipulation left her believing the volatile relationship was her fault, and she felt obliged to fix it.

"You've got this ideal of what the relationship should be and you will go above and beyond to create that despite what's going on, but you also know it's not okay," she said.

"There were times where I said 'enough, I'm done' and then however long later there's the niceness and the 'I'll change and do all this' and it never did. You wonder why you ever fell for it again but you do. It's the cycle that you feel trapped in."

Have the conversation that saves a life

Rebecca never went to the police or courts due to costly legal processes, a fear of not being believed since the abuse was non-physical, and not wanting to anger Mark further.

Fear and a lack of awareness also meant she never turned to support services until she had left the relationship.

But after learning that the majority of domestic violence murder victims never experienced physical violence until the final act, she wished she sought out services earlier.

It was her strong support network that saved her life, causing her to urge loved ones to reach out if they suspected abuse was occurring — even if there were no physical scars.

"You're able to go to work and function but you just need someone to ask if you're okay," she said.

"Some people think if you can't see the scars then it's not that bad, but you can see other changes. Violence doesn't discriminate, so have that conversation with people and save their life."

Rebecca said she still battled with anxiety and over-thinking, caused by the self-doubt and self-blame Mark ingrained.

But she had worked through those challenges to regain her happy, healthy and confident self.

The bond with her children and wider family was "stronger than ever" and she was now in a loving and respectful relationship.

"It's nothing like the life that was; I couldn't be happier," she said.

"People need to know there is a life after domestic violence."

For those still experiencing the hell she went through, a teary-eyed Rebecca had this message:

"You are not what you are told you are on a daily basis," she said.

"Know that you have a human right to be safe and treated with respect and dignity."

*Rebecca is not her real name