ftmoth:

chimera-bones:

Having been on both sides, yeah. This is what I’ve noticed personally.

But there’s also the situation with my mom and dad that’s really convinced me.

She physically abused him, broke his hand, beat him, tried to stab him, but he didn’t get any help from the law.

I was adopted by my maternal grandparents, even though he wanted to be the one to care for me and take me out of the situation with my mom. He had no say in where I went. He was blamed for my mom’s drug addiction, and cut off from me entirely, because of some absolute bullshit my mom told her dad.

So I grew up my whole life thinking my mom was a decent person and my dad was probably in prison, only to find out at 17 that my dad was actually a really cool family man who does what he can to provide for my sister. He got in trouble with the law once for weed that wasn’t even his. He’s a no bullshit kind of guy, but extremely caring. The only reason I know this is because he actually looked for me. And he found me.

And at 18 I really saw my mom’s true colours. Put simply, I have no trust for her anymore. She’s the kind of person who will blame others for her own mistakes, and then act like feeling guilty for doing a shit thing is someone else being manipulative. She doesn’t even recognise her own conscience. I’d idealised her for 6 years at that point.

And the only reason I had any contact with my mom? Cuz my grandfather found her. She showed no interest in where I was. She told his ex wife, my Nana, not to tell him or me where she was. To her, I was a reminder of her mistakes. To my dad, I’m a member of the family. And still the law fucked him over. Didn’t matter that he wanted me and that he was perfecly capable of caring for me, my abusive mother’s choice to give me to her dad and his wife was the one that won. And he lost all rights to his own kid.

And I ended up worse off for it really. My maternal grandfather was emotionally abusive and manipulative. So honestly it’s no wonder both my mom and aunt ended up like they did. I don’t excuse either of their variaties of bullshit, but it’s a bit more understandable. And same goes for my Nana divorcing him.

But this all could have been avoided. I could have been with my dad. I could have grown up knowing my sister. I could have been raised in a home where I could trust what someone said. I could have been in a better situation. But nope. The law doesn’t give a damn about fathers.

Sorry for the rant, but ever since I started digging into the full story and seeing all sides, this is what it came down to. And I’m pissed. My dad…he’s told me how his biggest regret was not being able to see me or talk to me for my entire childhood. He’s told me how much he wishes he could have been there for me. This kind of shit matters to me because I know he’s not the only dad who’s been through something like this. And until something changes, fathers will have to keep going through the same shit…