Greetings all,



Never wanted to be one to make this kind of post, but here I am. Just to get things out of the way, even though I do feel like shit, I am in no way clinically depressed or thinking about hurting myself, so no worries on that end.



Anyway...my wife of one year (three years since we started dating) suddenly started acting very cold and distant, and starting basically ignoring me, a little over a week ago. We have been through many fights, running the gamut from housework to money and everything in between. Usually these fights are about me, and how I'm not trying to support her or doing things that hurt her (unintentionally). A month ago we had a fight when she first kind of suggested divorce, and said things like being at work is better than being with me, and that she can't stand being with me. At the time I thought it was just another fight where she/we took things too far and just wanted to say something hurtful to lash out.



Turns out she has been feeling that way the whole month, and just went back to pretending things were normal/okay because she didn't want to deal with fighting me again. But then she gave up, and dropped the act, and now she says she can't even stand being under the same roof as me. This all came as a surprise to me--I really didn't know things were THAT bad...I didn't realize the urgency of it at all, so I felt very angry at first myself. I tried sleeping in a separate room, but she said even hearing me move around is enough to make her stressed out. So now I am living in my old apartment (kind of a live-in work space above the school I work for). Yesterday, she finally sent me a text after several days saying "let's get a divorce". I refused to talk about it through a messenger, so I drove back to our house and confronted her, and I got her to back off considering divorce, at least for the time being.



But things are not good. She says she doesn't want to be with me...but I want to be with her, and I want to fight for the marriage. I don't know how to fight that battle or how to proceed effectively. I know I can't control how she feels about me now. She tries to act extremely cold towards me, saying that she doesn't care any more, so I don't know what to do. I got her to agree to meet me next Sunday, basically a week from today. I want a game plan to at least try save the marriage. She knows that's what I want, because I made it very clear. But at the same time, she made it very clear that it is not her priority...she only vaguely hinted that it may have been too early to outright go for divorce. So I guess she is willing to give me the time of day (very temporarily) to make my case, but barely.



I guess the last point I should make is that the only thing she seems to really be interested in talking about is having a kid. She keeps saying "I don't want to be with you/sleep in the same bed as you/have sex with you" but she follows it up with "right now," especially on the last point. I told her straight up that having a kid as a band-aid for the relationship is not in the cards, and that I would only have one in a loving relationship. Anyway the point is, the only thing that seems to slightly even get through to her is when we talk about having a kid (though it is in the past tense now).



Has anyone here been through this kind of thing? I live in Japan, she is Japanese. I don't think that necessarily has much bearing on our situation though. I speak basically fluent Japanese and communication is not a basic issue. It's more about how she feels that I have not been there for her, at many steps in the past. There are tons of details I haven't mentioned yet, but I was hoping for some general pointers maybe to get my head straight.



Sorry for the long post.