A staggering amount of people’s experiences with children suggests that they could all do with being clouted on a regular basis.

Children are often loud, obnoxious and have terrible bladder control. Where they differ from senior citizens though is that it’s been deemed socially unacceptable to hit them.

But should this really be the case?

A growing number of adults, especially those without children of their own, are calling for society to respect their rights to clout the annoying little fuckers when they get to become too much.



‘I didn’t have children for a reason: they’re clammy little puke machines with all the wit and repartee of a Donald Trump voter. Have you ever had to spend more than a minute with one? They’re an absolute nightmare. I should have the freedom to express this opinion in the form of a smack around the back of the head to get them away from me,’ said actress Jennifer Aniston.

Even parents are calling for the re-emergence of smacking as a form of punishment.



‘Children are far too cocky these days. They think you can’t touch them so they can do whatever they want. It’s time to tip the balance back in the favour of adults,’ said Tom Hanks.

Behavioural experts believe that smacking children makes them quiet and withdrawn, which is exactly what is wanted in a child.

It could also help adults be less angry and stressed at each other.

‘Adults aren’t able to converse in a friendly manner now because of their pent-up aggression towards children. It’s time to break out the belts and ease the growing divide between us all,’ suggested Dr Bratwacker.