Dear Pastor

I am writing to you to explain a problem I am having with my boyfriend. I am 22 years old and he is 40. I don't know what is happening.

He and I started to deal from I was 19. He was having problems from the time I met him and we started to have sex. He was using the blue pill. I asked him why he had to use that and he said he wanted to stay longer as I am a young girl.

He knew that I had a boyfriend and we broke up and I needed help, so that is why we became friends. He used to have a big woman as his girlfriend, but when she found out about me, she cursed him and left him. She told him that he was having an affair with his daughter. I am not his daughter. She was just upset with him.

Everything started out well. He was hiding the blue pill from me, but I found out and I tried to tell him that I was satisfied with what he can do. When I found out that he was not satisfying me fully, I became friendly with another man who is 25. I almost got caught. One night, this guy and I went somewhere, but when I saw my boyfriend's car I told the guy to move fast. He did not see me, but as soon as I got home, 10 minutes after, he came. I thought he was at work. He told me that he was going to work that night, but he didn't.

DON'T WANT TO LEAVE

I don't want to leave him. He gives me everything I want. Only the new guy I told that I am having sexual problems with him. I am on contraceptive. I don't know what to do. I can't see my boyfriend who is younger very often. If my boyfriend would get some help, I wouldn't leave him because when I was down and out and needed help, he came to my rescue.

Pastor, what should I do?

- A.P.

Dear A.P.

You ought to encourage this man to go to the doctor. You are grateful for the help he has given to you. And although he is having problems, you should not be cheating on him. He has not only provided shelter, but food and money. He ended the relationship with a woman who was perhaps in the same age group and took you on as his woman. Perhaps the woman had good reasons to curse you. She probably felt that you would find out that this man has problems and he would regret becoming intimate with you.

You ought not to do anything to shame this man, but the way you have been conducting yourself shows that you need much more out of this relationship.

This young man with whom you are having a relationship will use you and he will get as much as he can out of you. Some may say that he is not using you. Both of you have a mutual understanding. You want him to have sex with you, so he facilitates you.

I can tell you that you are living dangerously. If this man suspects that you are seeing somebody else, he will throw you out of his house. So you have to decide what you really want.

I cannot encourage you to cheat on this 40-year-old. If you don't want him, you should leave him and go your way, but don't stay in the man's house and enjoying and eating him out, so to speak, while you are giving away the cookie.

- Pastor