Important: The views, opinions, and positions expressed by the author in this article are her own and do not necessarily reflect the views, opinions, and positions of The Daily Geekette.

I am for women who play video games. In fact, I am for anyone, no matter what gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, or religion, who wants to take part in a medium that has brought so much joy to and instilled so much passion in millions of people.

And I am for gamers.

For those of you familiar with the ‘gamergate’ controversy of the past few weeks, my statements above might seem contradictory. Don’t ‘gamers’ stand against equality for everyone? Aren’t ‘gamers’ misogynist assholes?

For those of you unfamiliar with the swirling chaos of finger-pointing and regressive arguing that has made up #gamergate, you might be confused as to what the problem is. If you fall into this category, let me set the stage:

Zoe Quinn is the indie game developer of Depression Quest, who, to quote game commentator TotalBiscuit, “is being accused of exploiting the nepotism that tends to plague this industry by getting a bunch of favorable coverage from people she has supposedly slept with.” (There are obviously some key words here, like “accused” and “supposedly”, but we’ll come back to that). Zoe Quinn, as well as those who supported her after details regarding her relationships with journalists came to light, has been verbally assaulted and threatened by those less-than favorable denizens of the gaming community’s dark caves and corners. Similar reactions have occurred other times that women in gaming have…well, been women in gaming. Zoe Quinn has been the catalyst for a serious inquiry into the reputability of gaming journalism, as well as a catalyst for a serious inquiry into the reputability of the ‘gamer’, although these two issues have been increasingly confused and, thus, discredited. In short, Zoe Quinn has become the focal point for things that go far beyond Zoe Quinn, and the focus on Zoe Quinn has largely degraded the quality of the larger conversation, as well as distracted much of the community from the conversation we should be having, rather than the conversation they want to have.

Before we go further, let me first preface the rest of my article by saying that this isn’t going to be a long discussion. Too much has already been said, much of it exaggerated, illogical, or unresearched, some of it reasoned and poignant. This is just my two cents, coming from a female gamer’s perspective, which I thought needed to be said.

With that out of the way, here are my two points:

Harassment is harmful, distracting, and pointless – no matter from whom it comes or to whom it is directed.

The threats aimed at Anita Sarkeesian, Zoe Quinn, and others are grossly out of line and representative of a larger problem. It does not matter what someone has done; it does not matter whether or not Zoe Quinn had relationships with games journalists, and it does not matter whether or not she did so in order to receive favorable reviews. No one should receive death threats, no one should receive threats of violence, and no one should have their private information publicly released. This solves no issue, this serves only to distract from the issues at hand, and can put someone in very real, physical danger.

Nor should anyone have their arguments discredited because of personal insults. For those of you out there who skipped Logic 101, this is known as an ‘ad hominem’ attack, which is a logical fallacy, because an individual’s character has nothing to do with the truth or falsity of the claims that they are making.

And these kinds of harrassment are not one-sided in this debacle. Milo Yiannopoulos, a journalist who wrote an article about ‘gamergate’, has also received death threats for sharing his opinion. Does it matter what his article was about? No. Does it matter what his opinion was? No. He, like Zoe Quinn and Anita Sarkeesian, is a human being, and should be treated with a certain level of respect that does not include sending death threats.

And it’s not just death threats: journalist Devin Faraci has been quoted as saying that he respects ISIS (a terrorist group that commits violent acts against women) more than he does the ‘anti-Quinn people’; women in support of ‘gamergate’ have been doxxed (had their personal information released online), called ‘misogynists’ and ‘fake women’. These ‘ad hominem’ attacks are not only extremely unhelpful, but also dangerous for future discussion. When you can call anyone a misogynist, then no one really is. A word that should carry a significant amount of weight instead becomes empty, signifying nothing more than someone with whom you disagree. Insults degrade current and future conversation, threatening the legitimacy of conflicts to come.

Perhaps most telling has been the vitriol launched at any and all ‘gamers’ (perhaps best summed up by developer Phil Fish’s bizarre meltdown), a term that has been used to encompass white, male, misogynists threatening the goals of equality that the gaming industry needs to foster. Many who consider themselves gamers (including myself) have taken offense to this damaging message; the ‘eye for an eye’ policy behind the anti-gamer rhetoric currently circulating seems irresponsible; the ‘anti-gamegate’ camp has responded to harassment received from a small, cruel subsection by turning their anger upon an entire community. Why must awful men be given a term that many have come to wear with pride? Why can we not call them, individually, for what they are?

And what all this does is turn what could be a reasoned debate into a battle, a series of vicious attacks that only serve to lessen the respect of each side for the other. #Gamergate needs to be about corruption in game journalism, a real issue, not about gender or demographics, or what a gamer is or is not.

In short, and it amazes me that things like this need to be said, but bullying, death threats, and harmful insults should never be socially acceptable means of solving a disagreement. We are all gamers. We need to take care of each other, look out for our interests, and make our environment a better, more welcoming place – not seek to divide and conquer.

This all leads into my next point:

The industry is mainstream – it needs to start acting like it.

1972 saw the release of a two-color, pixelated game called Pong. It’s 2014 now, and the video game industry is international, studios employ thousands of people, and AAA games can make hundreds of millions on their first day. The industry is no longer fringe, but it seems as though some are having a hard time believing this.

The video game industry is diverse, reaching all genders and races and creeds, and yet many publishers and developers still market to the white, male ‘boy’s club’ that gaming once was, while some in the community insult a group, based on common stereotypes, that is composed of the very people they claim to be protecting. We name-call the misogynists or the SJWs, while real men and women are working to move video games, as a medium and as a society, forward. How can we expect respect for this thing, this amazing composition of creativity and storytelling and skill and imagination, that we all love, if we cannot even respect each other and all that we represent?

Gaming has infiltrated most aspects of our society, with news of the next video game release being reported alongside news about film and music and world events, and yet the sites that cover our industry are still acting like bloggers. In 2008, Reuters surveyed a number of syndicated game websites, including IGN and Gamespot. None of them scored higher than 15 on Reuter’s checklist of 100 items that a news source needs to be considered principled. For comparison, the National Enquirer has scored a 38. Scandals like #Gamergate do not often happen in other realms of news media, for the simple reason that they are held to a higher standard. Our journalists accept favors, are not held accountable for their actions, and insult their main demographic.

The video game industry is mainstream, and yet its community continues to squabble like middle-schoolers around the lunch table. We are all representatives of games to the world, and we need to start acting like it; we need to hold reasonable discussions about the future of games; we need to open up our industry to those we have been excluding; we need to represent ourselves honestly and with integrity, and hold ourselves to the standards we would expect. What this ‘Quinntastrophe’ has done, above all, is to highlight the inability of many in the community to do any of these things, despite the position that video games have come to occupy in the public’s eye.

Isn’t it time to step it up? Don’t we owe ourselves something better?

I am gamer. I’m proud to say it, still, and I want to be proud for a long time. Let’s make that happen.