Some of you may know, if you’ve been stalking me in real life, that in addition to being a crusader for social justice, I’m an avid gamer. That’s why it really hit home with me when I read accusations online that Bioshock Infinite, a new first person shooter, is oppressing people through its story.

Well I made an effort to play this so-called “game” and have some good news to report back. There is not one bicycle present in the entire game! We did it folks! The gaming industry is finally listening to our message of demanding equality in the form of eliminating bicycles from all forms of media. Now some of my more observant readers will note that this game takes place over one hundred years ago, and that based on the story, it makes sense there would be no bicycles.

I want to tell you how incorrect this kind of thinking. Historical contexts means nothing when we’re talking about social justice. As the article I linked to explains, if there’s any sort of racism in a game that takes place in the early 1900’s, it MUST be because the game is racist and insensitive. It’s especially harmful because of the realism with which the racism is portrayed in this flying city populated with magical racists. The same reasoning must apply to bicycles; since there are none in the game, the creators must be social justice warriors who oppose bicyclist privilege. Thank you for fighting for justice,