She reportedly suggested to Cabinet that Labor's campaign in the WA seat has been less fierce than expected, and it says a lot about the current bunker mentality in Canberra that this was interpreted as sinister evidence of big-picture strategy rather than, say, general disorganisation. The Coalition are running former serviceman Andrew Hastie in the seat left vacant by the unexpected death of Liberal MP Don Randall, while Labor are running lawyer Matt Keogh. Both men have declared it will be a tight race, although deputy Labor leader Tanya Plibersek has conceded that a 11.8 per cent swing is going to be a long shot. What's definitely true is that Keogh's been campaigning heavily in the bit of Canning set to become part of a new WA electorate in 2016. That suggests that the party are covering their bases and using Canning as a dry run for what will most likely be a much easier win at the next election. That seems less like conspiracy so much as economical use of resources. Of course, we all know that the Greys from Zeta Reticuli are really running the government, right? Open your eyes, sheeple!

First up, it wasn't lost on anyone that the Agriculture Minister in the Abbott Government had zero effect in protecting the agriculture industry in his own rural electorate, with the announcement of the Shenhua Watermark mining development in the Liverpool Plains. And now there's come news that the BAE Systems flight training college in Tamworth will be losing its Defence contract, thereby gutting another lucrative local industry in a second situation where having an MP that's a freakin' government minister would appear to be of no benefit to the local community. Joyce has already started white-anting Windsor, declaring that "I find it somewhat paradoxical that a person who is a multi-millionaire by virtue of selling their place to a coal mine is now an opponent of another coal mine." Oh, so now the Abbott Government is against wealth creation via property, then? Here's hoping Depp returns with some more animals soon, for Joyce's sake. They were definitely an easier target. Where Would Jesus Invest?

Really, Transfield? Your facilities reportedly suffer from regular electricity outages, food shortages and a dangerous lack of medical supplies. You want to add rains of frogs and locust swarms to the mix? Freedom from Information! Oh, and speaking of things related to asylum seekers, the government is currently fighting the Guardian over the release of a document outlining our current operational policy regarding turnbacks. The media outlet would like to see a single document relating to turning asylum seeker vessels back out to sea (to stop deaths at it, obviously). In keeping with the government's commitment to openness, transparency and responsible leadership, Australian Border Force - sorry, BORDER FORCE! - officials are initiating legal proceedings to prevent that information being released. Now, it's worth pointing out that the Freedom of Information Commissioner John McMillan had already ruled that the document must be released in July, on the grounds that it would "add to public understanding of how a difficult and sensitive function is discharged within government".