DALLAS—Following what they described as standard procedure for homicide investigations, members of the Dallas Police Department planted a black suspect at a suspicious murder scene in their city, sources confirmed Wednesday. “You never know when you’re going to need a young African American male to pin a crime on, so we always make sure to have a few on hand in case we need to divert attention from a more obvious suspect,” said Officer Lee Durham, turning off his body camera and signaling to his partner, who retrieved a 21-year-old black man from their cruiser, wiped him down to remove any prints, and positioned him at the scene before the camera was turned back on. “They certainly do come in handy. It doesn’t even matter if they have a weapon on them. As long as there’s a minor violation or two on his record, everyone will agree he was probably up to something, and then you’re all set…Okay, that looks good. Hey, guys, look what we just found!” At press time, a statement from Dallas police confirmed a cursory search of the suspect’s apartment had uncovered a stash of three other black people, making this an open-and-shut case.

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