Fuutarou's POV

To me, there is a certain thing that I don't want to do in front of anyone, yet I've been trying so hard not to do it until now.

Crying.

People cry for many reasons. Perhaps when they lose something, fail at something, lose someone, or just at least a sudden moment of weakness takeover them. Crying might be annoying to some people, but it's an important thing in our life. When we were born, the first sound we made was the sound of crying. A few years later, we used it to call for our parents if we were hurt or bullied. As time went on, we became stronger and didn't rely on crying. However, for some cases, we still need it. Divorcing, breaking up, and so on. Those are some situations that make us cry. We cry to let go all of our pain, we cry as a way to tell the other person that "hey, I'm hurt, comfort me."

But to me, crying is something that I despise.

What's the point of crying in front of someone, anyway? To tell them to comfort you, or to show them your bad image and your weak side? The wall between strong and weak is very thin, with just an impact and it will be broken. This impact is the action of crying. Once a strong person, or someone with huge bravery cries, they will immediately be seen as a weak person, or at least their image will be changed in anyone else's view. That's the reason why crying in front of any person does not in my book.

You know, losing my mom when I was young, I knew that soon I had to be the "pillar" of my family. This pillar will protect the whole family from breaking down, protect anyone important to it. For now, my dad is the current "pillar", but what's next? Will he still be able to keep every family members on their feet, or will someone have to take his place? Certainly, the confirmation is on the second question.

As a brother, I can't show Raiha my weak side. I have to avoid crying in front of her. Heck, I still remember how hard I tried when we saw that damn news, not to cry! I know it's been 4 years since my high school graduation, but now, Raiha is only 16. She is not capable to protect herself and she still needs someone to be by her side. I have to show her that I'm the one she can rely on, that I'm her big bro. And as a first step, not crying is a must to me.

And finally, to Itsuki. She's been through hell to get here. She's supposed to be here with her sisters, not just herself, alone, inside this cold hospital room. Her legs are cold with no movement can be made, her arms are still movable, but really weak. Her eyes are still blurry, there are problems with her communication, and her head… well, empty is probably not the best word, but that's how I can say. Luckily, her ears can hear better and she's been eating normally, at least those are something we can trust that the recovery process is going well. But for all of that, she needs someone to be by her side.

Itsuki's been getting nightmares. Jet falling, people screaming and panicking, her sisters scolding her, those are some familiar images she's been dreaming about, telling me. I know I have to help her get rid of it somehow, but I can't think of any.

For now, I have to be strong, for her. Just like Raiha, I want to be someone she can count on, a shoulder for her to lean on. She won't be alone in this summer heat, she won't be weeping all by herself between this cold and dark room, because I will always be for her. At least that's what I've been telling myself to do.

But there I was, crying… All because of that letter from Maruo Nakano…

It's not like the letter was sad or touching, it's just… I know Maruo Nakano and I used to have a "rivalry" back in the past, but after reading that letter, seeing how he just relied his daughters on me… it hit somewhere inside me.

Now what is she thinking about me? Someone the same with her? I can't be like that! To me, as an action of comforting, one must be weak and one must be strong. The strong one comforts the weak one, that's the rule I'm placing for this stuffs.

Perhaps all the things I've been through for 4 years really affect me a lot…

"… big bro… Big bro!"

A sudden shout brings me back to the reality. After a short trip in my imaginary land, I snap back and raise my head from my dinner, find out Raiha, who's been calling for me.

"Big bro, what's inside your head? You haven't eaten your dinner! It's getting cold, you know?"

Raiha asked and pointed at my plate of unfinished meal. Thanks to her call, I've realized that it's already evening. The outside is once again that black color, with colorful streetlights add some touch to it. Different from the view outside the windows, inside this room, still the bright light covers all over this place, with shivering coldness blown from the air conditioner. I've been asking for that thing's remote from the nurses, but until now, I haven't received it yet. Do you guys really want to freeze us to death?

"Nothing, Raiha. Just… having some unnecessary thoughts inside…" I told her in order not to make her worried. She doesn't seem to be convinced, but she still lets it pass and continues feeding Itsuki, who is opening her mouth, waiting for something to go inside.

You know, having Raiha helping me here is a pleasure, but not something I want or expect. She always considers Itsuki as her best friend and that feeling of her hasn't changed even since the day we said goodbye. Looking at her, I often think of a type of person, who is willing to sacrifice everything for her friend, like the old story of a mother hugging a thorn tree to save her son. I know I might have gone too far comparing that to Raiha and Itsuki's friendship, but that's still something similar. But even so, she might be the one to make the process go slower or faster, and mostly I'm considering the first one. Right now, she is interrupting my work, but it's hard for me to tell her not to.

Oh well. As long as she doesn't screw up or something, it's a welcome to have her here.

And why is Itsuki looking at me with that dumbstruck face?

"Itsuki, you'd better concentrate on your dinner or it will disintegrate, you know?" I told her to keep enjoying her dinner, but it didn't work. She's still looking at me, like someone looking at a poor kid, asking for money outside, which is bugging me.

"Itsuki-san, what's wrong? You have something to tell my big bro? Should I get him for you?"

Raiha asked Itsuki, who was still staring at me. From the inside, I'm having an awkward feeling and I don't know what to do next. I'm making a useless eye contact with her, something I know that it won't take me to anywhere.

Suddenly, Itsuki starts moving closer to the edge of the bed, pushing all her strength into it. Maybe she feels uncomfortable sitting on the same spot, so that's pretty reasonable.

"The cushion is really uncomfortable for you, huh? I can ask the nurse to get a new one if you want- ITSUKI!"

But that was just my thought, as she moved even closer and fell down the floor from the bed unexpectedly, hit her bottom on the cold ground. After witnessing that, I rush to her place and hold her up with Raiha's help, helping her get back to the bed. "What are you doing!? You can't move your legs right now! Just stay on the bed, okay?" I reminded her, checking with she was hurt or not. Suddenly, she weakly puts her small hand on top of mine, makes me blush a little.

"Uesugi-kun… still sad…" Itsuki tried to say, which made me gulp and turn away from her.

"Big brother did… what?"

"This afternoon… Uesugi-kun… cried…"

You see what I mean now? With just that small action, everything has changed. Now she has a different view on me and Raiha is confused. My image might have been ruined and now I don't know how I will face her.

"Big bro… you cried in front of Itsuki-san? Why? Are you upset of something?"

Raiha asked me while I was thinking of something to change the subject or to ease the situation. Somehow, the room becomes colder and I can't feel my feet. I have the pressure building inside me, oddly preventing me from saying anything. I really don't want to stay shut. I have to say something!

"W-Well… Itsuki…" I turned around and looked at Raiha and Itsuki, forcing a smile on my face. "Everything is alright! I'm not upset or sad or anything! See?" I comforted both of them, trying to remove those frowns on their faces.

"… All right then, big bro. I believe in you!" Raiha said in that once again cheerful tone, then she turned to Itsuki. "Itsuki-san, let's continue eating! It's delicious, isn't it?" Raiha asked her best friend, who still had that frown on her face. But seeing how happy I am, or more like, how good I am pretending to be happy, she removes it and nods her head with some "hmph" repeatedly after every nod. Close call…

Yeah, at least they won't ask about it anytime soon…

*ring* *ring*

That's the sound of my phone ringing. Someone is calling me, so I pull out my phone from my pocket and look at the name on the screen. After seeing that, I lift my eyebrows, knowing who it is. So I put my plate inside the bag that Raiha uses to contain our meal and proceed to leave the room.

"You two keep enjoying your dinner. I'll be right back." I told both of them, receiving two nods from the girls, then I head outside and tap the call button, begin calling him.

"Hello?... Yeah, everything is going fine…"

O0O

That call really took longer than I expected. We had lots of things to discuss, but as a result, everything turned out really well. I get a few steps closer to my goal, which is a good news. Now I have to get back to Itsuki and Raiha, just to see how things are going on between them. Itsuki isn't afraid of my sister anymore, I guess that's a positive one to think of, right?

Oh, speaking of the devil, Raiha is waiting for me outside the room. I can see her on my way through the corridor.

"Oi, Raiha! Why are you standing here? You don't want to stay inside with Itsuki?" I called for her, got her attention.

"Oh, nothing, big bro. Just… want to get some fresh air, that's all." Raiha answered and laughed a bit, but then she started looking up and staring at the ceiling. As her brother, I think there is also something going on in her mind.

"What's wrong, Raiha? You seem to be worried about something."

I asked her. After a few seconds, she sighs and lowers her head, then she looks at me, with her green eyes filled with worriedness.

"Big bro, don't try to fake a smile like that. I know you're worried about something. I've known you for 16 years, you know? Don't think you can trick me with that."

Oh boy…

"… Guess nothing can escape from my sister's emerald eyes, haha." I chuckled a little and scratched my temple, but she didn't follow my mood.

"Itsuki-san… she'll be okay, right? She'll be recovered, right? She'll return to the one we all know, no? Tell me you've been thinking of a way to save her, please…" She pleaded, clenching her fists tight, enduring all the emotions she had been collecting inside.

Raiha… you really worry about Itsuki that much?

Yeah, she's right. I've been thinking of a way, or more like a shortcut, to save Itsuki. I want her to see things again, to be able to say something, to be able to think, to be able to walk on her own feet. Then we'll return to that school gate, hold our degrees up high, shove them in God's face and "we did it, shame on you, God!" We'll enjoy our life again as friends, maybe having some stupid arguments, getting drunk and so much more. But destiny really is an a-hole. Perhaps we can still do it when Itsuki is recovered, but only two of us…

I really want to help Itsuki with her recovery, but I know only patience can beat the test of time. As long as I want to, I still have to be patient with her. There are still lots of weeks left until the end of summer. Raiha is having her summer vacation, I still have to get a job, but I guess I can postpone it just for a few more days, counting on my father's salary. I can't let myself forcing me to burn up the process, forcing Itsuki to recover fast. Everything needs to be done slowly and surely.

"Raiha, let me tell you this." I told her. "I know you really want to see the 'real' one soon, but you have to wait. Itsuki will have a lot of things to get through, and it's up to us to help her. Be patient, Raiha. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, right?"

"… Ok, big bro! I'll help her once and for all!"

Raiha beamed a smile, said with a confident tone after hearing my words. Now that's something I want to see!

"Besides… there is a lot of possibilities with '5-year-old' Itsuki, so why don't you learn to utilize it before she turns back to normal?"

"I don't know if you're helping her or using her, big bro…" Raiha looked at me with a face of someone disregarding. But soon, we laugh it off as a little brother and sister moment. It's been so long since the last time we actually laughed like that. When was it, like… 4 years ago?

"Oh by the way, big bro, I got something for you." Raiha said and gave me a piece of folded paper, which… did seem familiar to me. I think I've seen this somewhere…

"I found this under Itsuki-san's bed. I think it's yours, so why don't you check it out?" Raiha said.

"Nah, I don't think so. I don't bring any paper with me, or… at least I'm not anyone who would write on this paper."

"Then you should check again, just to be sure." Raiha told me. "Anyway, I'll be heading home. Have fun staying with Itsuki-san, big bro!"

"W-Wait, you're not staying here?" I asked her, surprised with her words. Usually she begs to stay with her best friend. It's like without seeing Itsuki before going to bed, she will have such a hard night to sleep. Should I tell you that she's been losing a lot of sleep for 4 years because Itsuki wasn't there?

"Papa is missing us. He told me that he sometimes saw ghosts when we weren't home with him, so he begged me to sleep at home today, which was hard for me to say no. So… I guess you're staying with her then?"

Great… another night of no sleep for me…

"We're such awesome children, right? Leaving our father at home to take care of a girl at the hospital…" I asked my sister, chuckling a bit.

"I guess so, big bro. Besides, I have some laundry to do at home, including that black bag you've given me. The thing inside is… pretty interesting. I'll give you tomorrow, okay?"

Raiha asked, so I nodded as my answer to her.

"Good, my bro brother! See you tomorrow!" Raiha said and skipped through the corridor, waving goodbye to me and leaving me behind, with this corridor filled with flickering lights. What an strange but energetic girl…

Yeah, see you tomorrow, Raiha…

By the way, what's that "interesting thing" she talked about anyway?

Chapter 8

Crying, lying, hoping

O0O

"Hey, Itsuki, I'm back! Miss me?"

I walk to Itsuki's bed and sit on the edge, with Itsuki is also sitting on it, waiting for me to get back. "Today was such a tired day for you, right? Waking up to eat, then waking up to eat again… That was exhausted, right? Why don't you lie down and-" I told her, before she did something I didn't expect.

She raises up her hand and starts sweeping my face, which makes my ears turn red from embarrassment.

"Uh… What are you doing?" I asked, desperately tried to hide my blushing away.

"Checking if Uesugi-kun… still has… tears…" She said weakly, made me raise my eyebrows. "Uesugi-kun… are you… still crying?"

Hearing her question, I take another gulp. But soon after that, I smile at her, a true smile, and hold her hand which is sweeping my face. Then I carefully put it down on her laps. "Don't worry, I'm not. I'm happy, truly happy, you see? So don't worry about it, okay?" I asked her and put my hand on her shoulder. She also reaches her hand to it and rubs my hand, trying to feel something.

"Okay… Uesugi-kun… Your hand… it's warm…"

Itsuki said, almost sounded like she was whispering. It is hard to hear, but once you get the grip of it, somehow it makes you feel calm and relaxing, like what I'm feeling right now, which I can't tell why.

We sit like that for a few minutes. To some people, sitting still at one spot and doing nothing might be a boring thing, but to me, somehow I kind of enjoy it. I'm sitting with my friend, well, my "5-year-old-version" friend, doing nothing, sitting still, but yet I can feel some enjoyment doing that. I can't tell what feeling this is, like something I've long forgotten.

After 4 years of waiting, hoping for the Nakano quintuplets to be back, I can't tell what kind of mixed emotion I've been through. From the feeling of fear, finding out the jet was belonged to Maruo Nakano, crashed into the sea, proceeding to the feeling of hope, desperately begging God that everyone was still okay, at least just a little, at least just a little warmth in their body would be enough to save them. But then, I had the feeling of hopelessness, finding out that each member of the family was gone… long gone, no sign of life could be seen. After that, there was a feeling of hope, just a small one but with large meaning inside, when Itsuki was saved and alive. That was enough to bring some warmth into my cold, freezing world, erase all the things I'd been through.

Speaking about warmth, I doubt that the heat inside my hand is enough to keep her warm, but I hope that it will become a little sun, like the small warmth from the sunray, after a cold rain, shining all over the world. It's not enough to make people feel warmer, but at least it's something they'll be happy to see or look at.

"Uesugi-kun… Uesugi-kun…" Itsuki called for me.

"Yes?"

"Look, Uesugi-kun! Colorful… dots…"

Itsuki said and pointed at the windows. I look outside to have an encounter with the dark sky, with all kinds of color from the streetlight decorate it. From the warm color like red, yellow and orange, to some cold and soothing one, like blue, cyan and purple. All of them creates a beautiful picture, a near-perfect combination of nature and human.

"How many have I told you, Itsuki? They are not dots. They are just streetlights, flashing one from the busy traffic and signs." I told her, but I accidentally made her frown. "O-Oh, I'm sorry. Did I upset you?" I asked her while patting her shoulder, but she shook her head.

"No… you didn't. It's just… I'm jealous." She whispered.

"Why? Because you don't have the same knowledge as mine? Itsuki, if you want to, I can-"

"No. It's just… You can see that those are streetlights really well. Meanwhile… my eyes… they…"

She said sadly and stopped in the middle, lowered her head and avoided my gaze. She must be talking about her blurry eyesight. It's sad for me seeing her like that, so I really want to help her see the streetlights, but… how?

… Wait, that's it! Her glasses!

I jump off the bed and head to my backpack quickly, open the zipper and reach my hand inside. After a few seconds, I take out a pink box, containing her glasses inside. I've cleaned them carefully, so there aren't any moss or any weird smell coming out from them. I take out the red-framed glasses and approach Itsuki.

"Uesugi-kun… where are you?" She asked for my existence.

"Itsuki, close your eyes. I have something for you." I told her, hiding the glasses behind my back.

"Uesugi-kun… I can't see… What's the point… of closing my eyes?"

"Just… close them. It's a little gift from me."

I told her again, and this time, she did what I said. Holding her glasses in my hand, I carefully wear them on her face, not to accidentally poke any of her eyes. When the glasses are finally on her face, I know it's time to reveal the surprise. I'm not so sure about this solution, as she is just having a bad eyesight, worse than her… already worse eyesight. I'm not sure if she sees something when she opens her eyes, through the glasses, but… it's still worth a shot, right?

"Alright, Itsuki, now! Open your eyes!"

Now, the moment of truth…

…

"Uesugi-kun? You're much… taller…"

It works? My solution is successful?

"I can see… the wall, and… the bed I'm sitting on…"

"Itsuki… does it work? Can you see anything clearly?" I asked her, hoping for a good result.

"It's… still blurry, but at least… not as much… I can see… your face… without leaning in…"

It works! It finally works! Her eyes' problem is, well, temporary solved. But still, that's a good result!

"Itsuki, now look outside the windows! What do you see?" I asked her, avoiding her gaze so she could look outside. She moves a bit closer to the edge of the bed, which I have to prepare from behind, in case she falls down on her bottom again.

"… Yes! I can see them! Yellow on the light poles… blue on that sign over there… red on that ramen sign… and green- WOAH!"

"Hey watch out!" I shouted at I dashed to her and caught her, before she hit the floor. "You're okay, Itsuki? Don't be too over-excited like that."

I told her, but after that, her eyes started tearing up. "I can see… Uesugi-kun… I can see… I'm not blind, right?" She started weeping from all of her emotions, building deep inside. That's the happiness of seeing something, seeing the light once again, after all the darkness in her view. I pull out the handkerchief inside my pocket and wipe away her tears, then I get a stool, pull it to the windows pane and help her sit on it.

"Yeah… not completely, but… you know what I mean."

Her eyesight is definitely still blurry and when those glasses are put out, she will once again not see anything. However, with all my best, I'll help her see everything again, even without the glasses. I've decided. For this girl's happiness, my next goal is to bring those light back to her eyesight.

But for now, I'll let her enjoy this blurry-but-not-really eyesight, let her enjoy the colorful night, the painting outside the windows, as a result of nature and human. I walk around her back and use myself as something for her to lean her back on, to enjoy the little lightshow. This will be a great starting line for her, and also, for me. It's time to bring the light back to this girl's world.

"Congrats… Itsuki…"

O0O