I did pick up training tips, but what I really got from the sessions was something I didn't expect. Physical ability is only an accessory, Toonen tells me at our first meeting. Rather, it is mindset that makes the difference to what we achieve. "I think what most people lack these days is grit and determination," Toonen says. "Physically you can train anyone to do anything – to a certain point. Genetics play a part, but the average person is never going to hit their genetic potential." Why?

"People will do themselves out of a session before it's even started. They'll start coming up with excuses," he says. "There's a big difference between having worn a path in your brain about 'Well, I feel tired today so I won't do this' or 'I didn't eat well last night, I won't sleep well', so we come up with excuses about why it's already OK to fail as opposed to 'Well, I'll give it 100 per cent and keep going until I stop'. "We put soldiers in a different league. You have to remember that they all have families, they all get yelled at from their wives, they all get tired, they all come from a normal background … it's about becoming a complete person and mastering whatever they're in." At our first session I make a mental note against my many excuses and what has become habitual when I work out: never pushing myself to my limit. I don't like the discomfort and, since intense sport training during my school years, frankly have not seen the point. Over the next three months I inevitably get smashed once a week and inevitably swear at Kev under my breath, but I also try to pay attention to how I deal with the sessions mentally and whether it can be an exercise in presence and staying relaxed (oddly yogic concepts from an army man) under physical pressure.

By challenging ourselves mentally, becoming aware of our attitude (and excuses), we tap into different parts of ourselves and shatter false identity, he says. "A lot of people choose not to see something because it will cause them pain or discomfort," Toonen explains. "At least 80 per cent of people have a cognitive bias towards avoidance – they choose not to do something because it's going to cause them short-term pain instead of looking towards 'OK if I do this now it will be good for here, here and here'. "It's about personal growth. Have you raised your expectations? Have you raised yourself physically and mentally?" This is because not only does exercise improve our physical and mental fitness and quite literally allow us to move through life better, it also improves how we think and feel about ourselves, which feeds into all areas. "From my background, I've seen remarkable things from unremarkable individuals – purely because our brain is capable of telling our bodies to do much more," Toonen says.

"The hardest thing you've done – that's where you'll cap your expectations at that. Your personal growth, your physical growth, that'll be it. "Every time you make a tiny gain in here, in terms of your physicality, you can relate it back to the rest of your life. You never thought you'd get there, but you did. "Then you can start asking better questions of yourself, because you can see another possibility from taking another step. All the old ideas have been washed away and instead of asking yourself what I can't do, you ask yourself what you can do. Can you improve your position by 1 per cent? In 10 steps, you will get to 10 per cent." And so I push, and keep trying to develop awareness about how I hold myself back and create excuses in my own life – not just with exercise, but with everything. It has changed my attitude to exercise. In the end of the Manly Dam trail race, I wasn't far off finishing in the top five females and, although I had negative self talk, I noticed it and stayed present in my body as I moved, paying attention to my own response to discomfort.

I also asked myself the questions: "Can you try any harder right now?" The response was "No". "Are you giving it your 100 per cent right now?" The answer was "Yes". And that's all any of us can do – until we break through and find a new 100 per cent, which really, is only a matter of time and a matter of mindset.