A portly character on "The Simpsons," Comic Book Guy, often denounces someone or something with the catchphrase, "Worst. (fill in the blank). Ever."

Allow us to label the absurd notion of turning state parks into golf courses as the Worst. Idea. Ever. At least, so far this session. Who knows what else this state Legislature is capable of, seeing as how this notion isn't getting laughed out of the Capitol?

But this is no joke. Sen. John Thrasher of St. Augustine (who is quickly making us regret endorsing him last year) and Rep. Pat Rooney of West Palm Beach have dropped bombshells that would let private developers build five golf courses on state parks throughout Florida. Plus hotels. Because what says natural Florida like 18 holes and room service?

And that's just for starters. The Thrasher-Rooney bills — each pitched as the Jack Nicklaus Golf Trail — have planet-size loopholes that would let Florida's Division of Recreation and Parks approve even more courses once the first five are up and running.

Imagine, if you can, an 18-hole course within a 9-iron of the Wekiva River. Or Wakulla Springs as a water hazard. Or a hotel on Crystal River.

Under these bills, golf courses might get built on state parks like Silver River, Rock Springs Run, Paynes Prairie or Anclote Key. Altogether, some 40 state parks could get clubbed.

Mr. Rooney's bill wastes no time. It mandates that one of the courses will be built at Jonathan Dickinson State Park in Martin County, home to the wildlife-rich Loxahatchee River, and soon, if Mr. Rooney gets his way, duffers riding golf carts.

And those are just parks that meet the 3,000-acre threshold. The House and Senate bills cleverly stipulate that golf courses should be on parks of that size if possible. Dozens of smaller state parks could be at risk, including Blue Spring, Ichetucknee Springs, Little Manatee River and Tomoka.

This is what passes for environmental protection these days in Tallahassee? Refusing to fund state land purchases and then handing over what we have to the highest bidder? Replacing natural habitat with sod that needs water and pesticides?

Never mind that Florida already is choking on golf courses (more than any other state). Or that some of those courses, including some in Central Florida, are in financial trouble. Or that the sport's popularity has been on the decline.

These bills would exert even more financial pressure on Florida's existing golf courses by letting the government pick development winners and letting them build on some of the choicest locations in the state.

Speaking of picking winners, the House and Senate bills specifically mandate that all of the courses be designed by golfing legend Jack Nicklaus. What a sweet deal for Mr. Nicklaus, a South Florida resident who met in January with Gov. Rick Scott. Mr. Scott said he wanted Mr. Nicklaus to "give me his ideas on economic development in the state."

We now have a better picture of what those ideas included, like handing the Golden Bear a no-bid, exclusive opportunity for his company to design golf courses on public property.

To ensure that state biologists don't make trouble, the bills call for a regulatory process "free from unnecessarily burdensome requirements." And local governments are told to butt out, too.

These bills perfectly illustrate Florida's steady march away from an environmental movement that is responsible for saving beaches, forests, rivers, and what's left of the Everglades.

Florida's legislators, those with even a shred of respect left for their state's natural places, must stop this madness.

If you think golf courses don't belong in Florida's state parks, contact:

House sponsor Pat Rooney at 850-488-0322 pat.rooney@myfloridahouse.gov

Senate sponsor John Thrasher at 850-487-5030 or thrasher.john.web@flsenate.gov