Steven Petrow

Opinion columnist

Maddie Luebbert teaches 9th grade English in a Philadelphia public school and, according to a recent NBC News report, is much admired by the students. As in most public schools, the teachers use “Mr.” or “Ms.” (and sometimes, “Mrs.”) as their title when addressed by students. Luebbert, 25, prefers “Mx.” (pronounced “mix”), a gender-neutral alternative to the usual titles. Luebbert herself identifies as “nonbinary” — which is to say neither male nor female.

Say what? Mx.

Most Americans haven’t come across this title yet, likely for two reasons. Other than teachers, doctors, professors and members of the clergy, we generally don’t use courtesy titles — or what are also known as honorifics — anymore. The second reason: It’s only in the past handful of years in this country that as more people who identify as gender nonconforming, nonbinary or transgender come out, Mx. has gained some currency as the gender-neutral cousin to Ms.

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But it’s time to add Mx. into the daily mix of titles we use. In considering the addition of Mx. to the OxfordDictionaries.com, published by the venerable Oxford English Dictionary, its assistant editor explained in the London Times, “This is an example of how the English language adapts to people’s needs, with people using language in ways that suit them rather than letting language dictate identity to them.”

'Ms.' sets a good precedent

Here’s how the Oxford Dictionaries defines Mx.: “A title used before a person's surname or full name by those who wish to avoid specifying their gender or by those who prefer not to identify themselves as male or female.”

Mx. used in a sentence: “The bank is planning to introduce the honorific ‘Mx.’ as an alternative for anyone who feels that they don’t, for reasons of undetermined gender, fit into being either a Mr., Mrs., Miss or a Ms.”

Not buying it?

Think about how Ms. came to be the marital-status-neutral alternative to Miss or Mrs. Before being introduced, many women, especially those in the workplace, didn’t want their title to disclose whether they were married. Whose business was that — especially because men were called Mr. whether or not they had been hitched. Any dispassionate observer would have seen the long debate over Ms. for what it was: an unfair, double standard. Nonetheless, it wasn't until 1986, three-quarters of a century after it was first noted, that The New York Times finally recognized Ms. as an alternative to Mrs. or Miss.

Mx. puts gender expectations aside

At first, I didn’t honestly understand the importance of Mx. Jacob Tobia, who identifies as transgender and is the author of the forthcoming memoir "Sissy: A Coming of Gender Story," explained to me:

“I use Mx. because it helps me avoid the unfair gender expectations that come with choosing Mr. or Ms. When people see ‘Mr. Tobia’ on a nametag, they're expecting a masculine man to walk through the door; however, when the nametag says, "Mx. Tobia," they have to put their expectations aside and simply respect me for who I am. Having a title that reflects my identity helps make the world more empathetic and easier to navigate.”

When I asked Tobia how often this conundrum presents itself, the trans activist explained:

"One of the biggest areas where this comes up is in paperwork. Sure, everyone hates paperwork, but for gender nonconforming and nonbinary folks like me, it's excruciating on a whole other level. Having to choose between "man" or "woman" — or "Mr." or "Ms." — on a form sets nonbinary people up to fail and enables greater discrimination against us. All forms should include third gender options that allow people like me to accurately describe our identities."

Businesses, everyone should get on board

Agreed. I remember not only five years ago — before marriage equality became the law in this country — most forms didn’t include the option of “partnered” — for those like me who were in a committed relationship but not allowed to marry. It felt as though my relationship didn’t exist — wasn’t sanctioned.

So, when do you use Mx.? For starters, when someone asks you to, like Maddie Luebbert, the nonbinary teacher in Texas. To conjure up Aretha Franklin, that’s R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Companies that ask their customers to choose a title — Ms., Miss, Mr., Rev., Dr. — would be wise to include Mx. as well. That’s good business.

Some advocates argue that everyone should use Mx. — regardless of their gender identity — but one step at a time.

Of course, we could get rid of titles altogether, but in an era marked by hateful name-calling from none more so than the current president, now’s not the time to jettison any form of courtesy.

Steven Petrow, a writer on civility and manners and a member of USA TODAY's Board of Contributors, is the author of five etiquette books and host of The Civilist Podcast. Follow him on Twitter: @StevenPetrow