Last week’s ‘Shop Contest was a call-to-arms against the seasonal pumpkin spice craze. Our readers answered that call with both brutality and heavenly softness.


The idea, stolen from every science fiction show ever, was that if we could not defeat the pumpkin spice-craving masses through normal means we would assault them with ridiculous products until they overload and explode. You want a combination of cinnamon, cloves, ginger and nutmeg? We’ll give you what you want, what you really, really want.

And while some entries were more popular with the masses—the sick, demented masses—there was one entry that kept making me laugh every time I saw it.


Congratulations on the win, Gene Jacket. You imagined a product that would forever leave people wondering if that really was just cinnamon on their fingertips.

Without further ahhh...hee. Let’s do this.



This Week’s Runners-Up, Now With More... You Know


MadMallard — for Sugar, Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice


Harry_Caray — for a less humane option


Lee the Panda — for somehow worsening Franzia


redder hood — because he lacks the willpower to resist


Octomus Prime — but only if its companion game is caramel apple


Toon’nHoon — for the special holiday edition of Conker’s greatest foe


Justacoolguy — welp.

SPECIAL PUMPKIN SPICE GIRLS SUBSECTION BEGINS


SenpaiSoren — I’ll tell ya what I want, what I really, really want


Kanzier666 — So tell me what you want, what you really, really want.


SharedProphet — I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)

SPECIAL PUMPKIN SPICE GIRLS SUBSECTION ENDS


CityShrimp — “Keep Out Of Reach Of Women”


The Dude — and now I’m hungry for meth


geeky_canuck — I can believe it


Dechta — mainly for the way spice is spelled here


wrecks — talk about your cinnamon challenge


Badonk — 20 years ago these would have been a real thing


Rufus — nobody tell Schreier


Shinrawr — awww, they spelled his name right and everything


Cakegolem — and you thought shiny ones were rare


dargvelk — I cannot comment here


ShiroNiKuma — for a completely original idea!


MrDeadScott — for a completely original idea!


codexcdm — because it’s good people


Mrichston — now we’re playing with it


KIREEK — for being the only one to do Trumpkin Spice


DistractedObserver — because it pairs well with Castle of Dark Illusions


jko3000 — now look at your man, now back at ARGGGHHHHH


Alphonso C. Burks — those honestly I think it’s all a big crock


Sylverfyst — for the pumpkin spice must flow


uscg_pa — because ewwwwwwww


Levintry — my favorite condom entry since...nevermind


Taurenrider — for being awesome and adding French


Tkeleth — for honoring the spirit of the competition


lharm — because it really couldn’t get any worse


Michael - because he pulled this entry out of his ass


Turbulence88 Might Be A Mazda Fanboy — for Starbucks Mario


SharedProphet — because does this smell like Chloroform to you? No!


Cody — because I threw up a little


Gorillanator — because I threw up a little more.


coolmanguy — for conflicting emotions


sciteach — for being a teacher of children and doing this


sillstaw — urp, there’s the vomit again

And of course...


Gene Jacket for the win!

Join us this weekend for a new Kotaku ‘Shop Contest, after I’ve recuperated from this one.