GIANT SQUIDS ARE GIANT. How giant? Try 8-feet long and 100 pounds of pure, unadulterated (okay, slightly adulterated) killing machine. I'm never going to another (nude) beach again!

Millions of killer giant squid are not only devouring vast amounts of fish they have even started attacking humans.

Two Mexican fishermen were recently dragged from their boats and chewed so badly that their bodies could not be identified even by their own families. No wonder the giant squid are called "diablos rojos" - red devils. Since 2002, Humboldt giant squid, named after the 18th century German explorer, have been spreading their tentacles to deplete fishing stocks by moving from their traditional tropical hunting grounds off Mexico and laying claim to a vast sweep of the Pacific. Hunting in 1,000-strong packs the giant squid can out-swim and out-think fish. Scientists believe they coordinate attacks by using pigment cells to communicate.

See? I told you we should have filled the oceans with concrete. Now we're all as good as dead. Except me, because my rocketship is near completion and I'm getting the f*** out of here. And by getting the f*** out of here I obviously mean exploding on the launchpad, but whatever, the point is I'm gone.



MAN EATING GIANT SQUID DEVOURING FISH STOCKS [express] (I love your jeans!)

Thanks to Lauren!, who's convinced they're actually aliens from another planet. You know what? I think you're onto something. Possibly drugs.