UK to organise its own city of culture, with blackjack and hookers

Getting thrown out of the European City of Culture competition has not blunted traditional British resolve.

The news the EU has decided the UK is no longer to eligible to apply for European City of Culture status has led Britain to organise its own event, which will be far better and cooler. With blackjack and hookers.

Suggestions that current City of Culture, Hull, already has plenty of those were met with stony-faced silence.

“We don’t need to be in their stupid City of Culture competition anyway,” said prominent leave campaigner Simon Williams.

“We can have our own cities of culture, which will be far better without any of that stupid foreign nonsense.”

Wearing a huge white fur coat and heavy gold rings, Simon insisted that him and ‘the girls’ will make a British version that everyone will want to enter and will put any European ideas to shame.

“In fact, forget the City of Culture,” he added. “Ah, screw the whole thing.”

When told about the Blackjack and Hookers, members of the European Commission are reported to have replied: “Shut up and take our money.”