I wouldn’t want to be standing too close to this Doug Band guy anytime soon, especially not before the election Nov. 8.

Another thing I wouldn’t want to do is have to write a life insurance policy for Doug Band. In case you haven’t been paying much attention to the inner workings of the Clinton Foundation as detailed in the WikiLeaks dumps, Doug Band’s role is summed up nicely in this headline from the L.A. Times:

“An aide says he once arranged for $50 million in payments for Bill Clinton.”

Fifty million! And now it’s all laid out, in public documents, by Doug Band himself. Far, far beyond a reasonable doubt, if you want to get technical about it. Even James Comey could make this case — but he wants to keep breathing, too.

These latest leaks really do explain the whole breathtaking pay-to-play aspect of the Clinton Foundation. Band is bragging about his prowess as an extortionist, although he prefers to call it “the unorthodox nature of our roles.” But he does point out with some pride that his shakedowns, I mean charitable outreaches on behalf of Bill Clinton, “guided more than $30 million for him personally, with $66 million to be paid out over the next nine years.”

Wow! Whatever happened to, “Never write when you can speak, never speak when you can nod, never nod when you can wink”?

These people didn’t just write it down, they emailed it out, on unsecure servers.

Amazing enough that the mobsters running this racketeering enterprise are totally out in the open, not even bothering with masks. But the outfit’s capo, or consigliere, is the odds-on favorite to become the next president of the United States.

Everybody trying to understand this Clinton Foundation grift is asking themselves, “How come nobody ever thought of this kind of mega-scam before?”

My answer would be, earlier racketeers dreamed of such a grift, but they quickly realized they could never get away with it. They would have been locked up faster than Al Capone or Whitey Bulger.

But these are the Clintons. They make the Kennedys seem law-abiding. And we are no longer in “America,” we live in a banana republic, where everything is for sale, from the top down.

In this new world, this Venezuela North, Doug Band ran all the rackets for the Clintons — he was to Bill what Kevin O’Neil was to Whitey, the guy who picked up the envelopes, who kept the books. Band got Bubba the gig with Laureate International Universities, a for-profit chain of colleges. He became “honorary chairman” — for $3.5 million a year.

Consider that one. “Honorary chairman.” I thought “honorary” meant it was, like, an honor, and therefore you didn’t get paid. By the way, Bill also insisted on becoming “honorary chairman” of Band’s firm, Teneo. That honor came with an honorarium of $2 million a year.

Actually, I’m surprised Band is still walking around. Not only does he know way too much, but in the emails, he’s always ripping Chelsea Clinton. He calls her a “spoiled little brat” and says of her backstabbing, “the apple doesn’t fall far …”

I’m staying out of Fort Marcy Park this weekend. I’d advise Doug Band to do the same.

Listen to Howie 3-7 p.m. on WRKO AM 680.