Tinder singles. Credit:Andy Zakeli If you're yet to see it in action, the genius of Tinder is its simplicity. There's no computer matching and filling out of questionaires, like other internet dating: you simply skim through photos of people, and if you like the look of somebody, you "swipe" right. If they see your photo and swipe right on you, that's a "match" and you can then exchange messages, chat, agree to meet up, or, as often happens too, do nothing at all. For the sake of this experiment, I swiped right on everyone, and, as it became apparent, clearly lots of men were doing the same thing (swiping on everybody is a well-known technique for men, particularly, who narrow down their options later). I also had a few ground rules: I wouldn't initiate contact, I wouldn't message back (I didn't want to give anybody the wrong idea) and I would make everybody involved (including myself) anonymous, hence the lack of a byline on this story. This is what happened.

Friday Number of matches: 0 LIKE, LIKE, LIKE, LIKE, LIKE - a 20-minute, indiscriminate swiping session swiping right on every man gets me off to a solid start. The first matches ping through within seconds. Within two hours, I have about 500 matches. Many send me a message immediately. A pattern is already emerging.

Ninety-nine percent say something like "hi":

But a handful try something more original...

Saturday

Number of matches: 736 Messages received: 499 The flood of "hi" and "hey" continues but the occasional match tries something more suggestive. Others get straight to the point and don't muck around with the iambic pentameter.

Or even first a rudimentary 'hello'. Tinder is a hook-up app but surely they realise at least a little dating craftsmanship is required to seal a deal? Sunday Number of matches: 1523

Messages received: 783 It's the morning after a busy Saturday night. Tinderlings who are (we assume) waking up solo are putting their thumbs to work. The mobile phone has been vibrating through the night with hundreds of new matches and messages. Most still say hey, hello, hi, hiyyyyaaaa, wat u doin'?, wassup?, how's the weather?, but some stand out. Johnny thinks he is being jovial, but after the trauma of the sex messages, all I can think of is The Shining.

No, thanks. Has that ever worked for him? A comb through the now-bulging bank of introductory messages flushes out some genuine attempts at communication over the last couple of days.

Civilised singletons have obviously spent their Saturday and Sunday swiping over lattes and smashed avocado, flashing potential matches to friends. But it lasts a heartbeat. To cut through the cacophony of stock standard messages, sex and relationship gurus advise men to be adventurous and inventive: case in point (a best of edit)....

Others have come a'knocking with their own weird brand of beguile.

Another concerted 20 minutes of right swiping ensures matches are topped up, with about 2000 and counting. The mobile phone is beginning to melt under the pressure. How was your weekend, what are you doing tonight, nice weather, yo LOL are building up. But an alarming percentage get angry when they don't receive a what they deem to be a prompt reply.

The fastest it takes a man to lose his temper when the conversation box stays blank: four minutes. Overall, this experiment is revealing a lack of knack for good old-fashioned seduction. And whether by liquid courage or from the anonymity afforded by a phone screen, a small number of messages turn darkly graphic and masochistic, and some are unpublishable. Anonymity encourages their deepest, most unusual wishes to spill forth, including those involving intimacy and corn chips (note: he selfishly isn't willing to share).

These messages are alarmingly how some users have chosen to introduce themselves. Day breaks and there are about 400 fresh messages to comb through, plus some I missed earlier in the experiment.

Cutesy pick-up lines are in overdrive on Tinder, where the not-so brave can practice without the risk of getting a drink splashed in their face. It's tempting to answer, if only to say "bravo".