For Pinstripe devotees like me, the state of the franchise is disheartening — not that anyone else much cares. After all, people like to listen to Yankee fans complain about as much as middle schoolers like to listen to the smartest kid in the class gripe about his A-minus.

Somehow, over the years — despite an unblemished record of grace in defeat and quiet class in victory, despite decades of gamely fighting their way to a modest 27 titles, despite all of the goodwill that humanitarians like George Steinbrenner and Reggie Jackson and A-Rod have engendered, despite all of the free Gatorade that Paul O’Neill’s bat donated to any poor Bronx youths who might have been milling about a dugout water cooler after a strikeout, despite unfailing solidarity with our esteemed Bostonian brethren during their 86-year title drought, despite treating the crosstown Mets with a level of respect worthy of the damn Pope — New York has made some enemies.

Some might call it jealousy. Others might call it well-deserved comeuppance born of a century of smug self-satisfaction. Those others would be wrong. It’s jealousy.

Anyway, whatever the reason, Yankees fans just aren’t allowed to whine about how watching the 2014 squad is to spectator sports what an Ikea trip is to weekends. (Occasionally fulfilling, but often a big waste of your time.) Just know that the team employs two guys named “Chase __ley” and neither of them are Chase Utley. That about sums it up.

I’m not going to make any arbitrary claims that the Yankees’ are MLB’s most “Blah” team. Instead, I’m going to do some arbitrary data analysis to prove that they are. Or find out in the process that the Yankee haters were right all along about my lack of perspective.*

*This will almost certainly not end well.