Darren awoke to a blaring alarm clock. Fighting the urgent pull to stay under the warm covers, he swung both feet onto the floor and reached over shutting off the alarm. 6am and the beginning of another exciting November day.

In every respect it was another typical day in the never-ending cycle of workweeks. Shower, jack-off, shave, dress, and run out to the freezing vinyl bench seats in his ancient beater of a car. It had been the same cycle for six years now. College had been an exciting litany of girls, beer, and drugs but somehow left him ill prepared for the monotony of earning a living in the “real world”. Certainly, there were the occasional events that added excitement to his otherwise drab existence. But the joy of finger banging the random bridesmaid at one of his friend’s weddings was quickly obscured by the ceaseless paperwork and dull fluorescent glow of his nine to five life.

There was nothing about this Tuesday morning that seemed remotely special to Darren. As he fought his way through morning traffic he was convinced even the radio DJ’s were repeating a show from last week. The highlight of his workday was a coffee run for the boss and two thirty minute breaks spent imagining what the secretary would look like topless. As five-o’clock rolled around, Darren headed back out to his car intending to grab some cheap takeout and end another pointless day alone in his bed.

Deciding to take a shortcut to the nearest fast food emporium, Darren steered his car down an alley. The coffee he’d been chugging all day was wearing off and his mind was wandering to thoughts of a sweaty tryst with the office secretary. He was suddenly snapped back to reality when his car crashed into something in the alley. Slamming on the brakes and jumping out of the car Darren wondered to himself what the hell he’d just hit. It quickly became apparent when what he hit, hit him back. Dazed, Darren looked around to discover a very pissed off homeless man throwing things and screaming expletives. Dodging back and forth, he realized he’d obliterated the man’s shopping cart and all its possessions.

Apologizing profusely was getting him nowhere as the homeless man continued to threw several more objects at Darren before running off to “tell the cops”. Darren, still shaken at the resent altercation and worrying about what the homeless man might do, quickly jumped into his car and drove home. Upon arriving he decided it was time to take stock of the damage to his car.

Inspecting the front end he saw scratches and obvious damage to his front bumper. A closer inspection though revealed something unexpected, something brass was clearly wedged between his broken bumper and the grill of the car. Not sure what to make of this, he yanked and pried at it until it pulled free. Apparently a rather beat up and damaged brass container from the man’s cart had somehow lodged itself into his car.

Taking the container inside with him, he threw it on his table and grabbed himself a beer in an attempt to unwind from the day’s events. Sipping from the can he looked back over at the table and the brass container. “What a hunk of junk.", he thought to himself. Picking it up he began carrying it over to the trash. Nearing the can he was suddenly became curious; what if something valuable was inside. He began turning the container over in his hands looking for a way to open it. Then, without warning the entire room began to shake.

Glasses careened off the shelves crashing on the floor and the lights began to flicker. “What the hell is going on!"? Darren yelled out loud. His mind turning to thoughts of an earthquake he dived under the nearest table. Then, suddenly the room became as still as it was seconds before. Realizing he lived nowhere near an earthquake zone, Darren pulled himself out from under the table confused and completely shaken. Looking around at the room the last thing Darren expected was to hear a voice behind him.

“Thank you Darren, and my apologies for the mess.”

Hair standing on end, Darren spun around fists clenched and sweating. Behind him stood a well-dressed man of Middle Eastern appearance. He was distinguished looking and beaming with a large smile.

“Who the hell are you, how do you know my name, and what the fuck just happened to my place!” Darren shouted.

“My real name is unimportant, but if you would like you can call me Hassam. Now please try to be calm while I explain what has just occurred.”

“What do you mean be calm! My house is destroyed and some strange man, who knows my name, is standing in my kitchen smiling at me!”

“I understand this is all very abrupt, it always is, but let me assure you that you will be happy with what I have to tell you. You needn’t worry about your place, I promise you I will have this all back in order momentarily.”

Unsure what to do at that point, and still frozen with fear, Darren decided the best thing to do at the moment was listen to what this Hassam had to say.

“Go ahead and explain, but this had better be good.", said Darren.

Hassam smiled again at Darren and directed him to a nearby chair.

“This will all sound far fetched and you will try to think of any rational explanation for what I am telling you rather than accept it at face value. When you do I ask that you look around and remember for a moment what just transpired, including the fact that I somehow already know your name.”

“I am a Djinn, or better known to your culture, a genie. I know you are educated and will find this hard to believe, trust me that what I say is true and that your modern ‘education’ falls far short of imparting all the knowledge you should know.”

“When you rubbed the box that was my prison you released me into your service. But before your mind jumps to Aladdin or blondes in pink clothes let me assure you that real genies such as myself do not play by the same rules as our fictional brethren.”

“I will grant you as many wishes as you desire—there is no set number and I will remain in your service until you desire to release me. I am not here to play tricks with your words, and I do not have limits to my abilities. If you wish for me to create, destroy, manipulate, or empower I can do all you wish. However, I must warn you that there is one limit to my powers. I say this with emphasis, as it has not always been fully understood—my powers are limited to the affairs of earth. I cannot ‘fly you to the moon’ as some might wish.”

“Importantly, my powers while limitless do not enable me to serve you in the view of others. To explain this better, I can conjure food for you but I cannot go to the store to pick it up.”

“To demonstrate a tiny twinkling of my abilities I will now return your house to its former glory.”

In the blink of an eye, Darren’s house was returned to the same state it had been prior to Hassam’s arrival. Imagine if you will, a movie running in reverse but neither Darren nor Hassam moved during the process. Darren, struck speechless by what was occurring around him was unable to process what had just occurred.

“Relax Darren and accept with pleasure the good fortune you have just received. Among my powers is the knowledge of every aspect of your life. In my long existence I have certainly seen masters in much worse states than yours. I must admit however that your present condition leaves much to be desired.” Hassam continued, “For example, you are a 27 year old with no female companion, a mediocre job, and exceedingly large debts for a paltry education. I want you now to go and enjoy a beautiful nights sleep then come to me in the morning with ideas of what I may grant you to bring you joy. I will remain on the couch watching television.”

As commanded, Darren went directly to bed and promptly fell into a peaceful and happy sleep.

Awaking in the morning, Darren was certain everything had been a dream. He had some lovely ideas about what he could have done had it been real, but shrugged them off as he made his way out to the living room. There, much to his shock sat Hassam watching a western re-run.

“I always have loved the western. They try so hard to portray what life was like then, but they miss the subtle aspects. TV is such a poor medium for expressing the unpleasant smells of a cow town.”

Darren’s jaw hit the floor.

“Still adjusting I see.” said Hassam. “If I may master, I do not usually enter the minds of my owners, but at this critical juncture I find it best to offer some suggestions for you based on an intimate understanding of your life.”

“In your case I suggest you allow me to empower you with total physical and mental control over women. I am familiar with the amount of time you spend pleasuring yourself to thoughts of dominating the fairer sex. With these wishes you would also be able to receive financial gifts from them, and have lovely servants at your beck and call. I of course will leave the wishing and wording up to you.”

Darren’s mind was racing with the possibilities, but the only coherent thought he could construct was, “Holy Shit! This could be awesome!”

“Yes”, said Hassam, “this will certainly be awesome.”

Darren began putting the wording together in his head then turned to Hassam to state his first wish.

“Ok... so is there any special phrasing I need to do for this? Kazzam, Abra kadabra?”

“No”, said Hassam shaking his head and laughing. “You simply state what it is you want and I will make it happen.”

Darren smiled.

“Hassam, please listen to everything I have to say as I want it all incorporated into my wish, and I want it done specifically. I want to be able to control women mentally and physically. I want to be able to take control through the utterance of a single word—that word shall be... Fahrvergnügen. Upon uttering this word to any woman she will surrender her will to me entirely. In addition, I will be able to control all aspects of her physical body by simply explaining to her what will be changing.”

Hassem laughed out loud.

“Original and well thought out. Your wish is granted.”

“Funny.” Darren said. “I don’t feel any different.”

“Oh trust me master Darren, you now have an incredible power. Do you have any additional wishes at this time?”

“Yes, I have one more.”

“Continue.", said Hassem.

“I wish to be immune to all diseases from this time forward. That is to say, any disease which could be fatal or damage my body will be completely benign to me and I will be unable to carry or transmit any of them to others.”

“Another marvelous wish Master. Your wish is granted.”

Instantly, Darren felt much better, better than he ever had in his life.

“Ok, so now what?", asked Darren.

“Master, I may suggest that you take your new powers out for a test drive. Perhaps there are some lovely ladies out there who would present a challenge to the old Darren?”

“Good idea. Hassem, wish me luck.”

“Master Darren, you may trust me that you no longer need luck. Enjoy.”