Why Men Should Embrace Full-Body Scanning

Why Men Should Embrace

Full-Body Scanning

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While travelers are up in arms about the new standard of TSA scanning before flying, and there are horror stories to back up the complaints, there is one constant that most of the media has failed to point out — until New York Magazine made note of it this week:

"Jen Phillips, writing at Mother Jones, summed it up well: 'For years, women have complained about agents copping a feel… Now that a bunch of guys are crying foul, the media is suddenly all over it.'”

I’m a man. You can pat me down and eventually you’ll find proof (probably my license), but I think guys are overreacting. I can understand the complaints about the full-body scan, supposedly it emits radiation, and if you travel enough you could see some long-term effects, but I have no idea why men would take issue with being patted down. It’s been way to long since people have been able to have fun in an airport. This full-body groping session is a welcomed edition to the traveling itinerary.



It’s a good opener with women

Ever traveled on the same flight with a ridiculously good-looking woman? You want to make small talk but doing the whole “So why are you traveling to ____” routine is about as exciting as your mid-flight snack options. You wanted to engage her in conversation at luggage check-in but some guy dropped her off. The pat down is the perfect opportunity to spark up a conversation with other female passengers because you have something in common: You were all felt up by the grotesque man in the TSA uniform.

There are a few ways to approach the situation. First, readjust, because the dude tugged pretty hard and you’re now sporting a sick case of ninja boot. Next, start by playing the sympathy card. Tell her how these new restrictions are ridiculous, how it just gives them an excuse to harass innocent people and how you feel awful that women are subjected to that type of public spectacle. If that’s not your strong suit (you know, pretending like you give a crap), then go the humorous route and make a funny or wise comment about the whole situation like, “They felt up my pants but found a different kind of bomb.” OK, don’t use that. But you get the idea.



It keeps a man looking and smelling good

Traveling is usually a hassle. Between the cramped quarters (except for those of us important and loaded enough to fly first class), layovers in the middle of nowhere and the lack of clean places to keep up personal hygiene, traveling can turn into a gross affair. All these reasons give a guy more of an excuse to skimp on daily hygienic maintenance. “Why should I brush my teeth? No one is going to kiss me on the plane. Plus, I smell too bad to kiss.” Now imagine that a person knows for a fact that someone is going to be in very close proximity, touching your junk and being within smelling distance? This may make a man be a little more proactive on the personal hygiene front — brush his teeth, wear some deodorant and put on fresh clothes before the pat down. This makes flying better for everyone, especially the people that would have been sitting next to the smelly dude.

Picking up women and looking fresh aren't the only good things to come out of the TSA's new policy...