i saw 4 cops – security i thought

well dressed

jovial – handsome – “yo rosie”

“wasssup men” my common reply

we walk toward one of the quiet booths

behind the stairway

i am tired

this is the first time i have been out

out of bed really – to be honest

since the debate

i have been sleeping a lot

depression clings to me

it’s hard to walk

to shower

to try

to care

i see a couple

sitting close together

in a small corner booth

directly across from me

i watch them

stunned by her face

and his calming charm

they were definitely a THEY

obvious for all to see

oblivious to all seeing them

love works like this

i thought

two

so connected

alone together

in a crowded corner

“that is the most beautiful woman i have ever seen”

i say aloud to dana

she turns to look – turns back at me

“that’s ivanka”

can’t be i said

no it can’t be

it is –

she reassures me

what r the chances i say to myself

as dana walked to the hostess station to ask

i stared at the young couple

as they ate – unaware

i was captivated by her beauty

it blinded me so

i didn’t realize it was even her

til dana walked back to the table –

nodding slowly

yes

she said

it was

dear god

i prayed

guide me

out of here

we stood to move to another table

but i knew i could not stay

my heart i worried

would break again

it did 4 years ago

i won’t survive another one

change ur life

is the prescription

i walked the 5 steps toward her table

introduced myself

she smiled genuinely

her husband was warm and gracious

i told her of my children

some truths about myself

my pain and shame

she was absurdly kind

“i just wanted u to know”

i said in a shaky quiet voice

i then made my way down the large wooden stairway

into my waiting car

the entire encounter

start to finish

was 4 minutes

max

i wrote a book once

about bashert

the concept of

meant to be

it has comforted me

on my darkest days

when my inner voices scream

u deserved it

as her father has

same as my own