CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Earlier today, NSW Health officials recommended that Sydney residents stay indoors between 11.00am and 4.00pm if possible, as the combination of a 30-40 degree day and severe air pollution may present severe health risks for the elderly and those with respiratory issues.

While dense bushfire smoke has been near-permanent fixture in Sydney for the last few weeks, the air in Sydney today has been regarded as both visibly and officially the worst quality in recorded history.

Sydney ferries have been cancelled until the smoke clears, Transport for NSW has confirmed. Buses are now replacing F1 Manly services but there are no replacement buses on other routes.

The Rural Fire Service (RFS) headquarters in Homebush was even evacuated after smoke alarms went off inside the building.

Sydney’s air quality index (AQI) skyrocketed due to bushfires on the city’s outskirts especially. The AQI in some areas reached 12 times hazardous levels today, as the city was blanketed in thick smoke.

However, while these conditions pose immediate health concerns for senior citizens and infants, the National Rugby League appear to have taken full advantage of the lack of visibility.

“Get down to Bondi boys. Nows your chance” said NRL CEO Todd Greenberg, in a 1500-person group chat of all players, coaches, and bender mentors (ex-players) within the competition.

“Corey, Burgo, Victor… Get your arses down there. No one can see shit. Nows the chance to get a big old session out of your system”

It is believed that with the sand of Bondi currently invisible due to the thick bushfire smoke lingering over the Eastern Suburbs of Sydney, the waterfront has this afternoon played host to an apocalyptic beach party of drill rap and pineapple cruisers.

“It’s like the California Love video clip down there” said one life guard, who appeared rattled after stumbling into the self-contained NRL off-season blow out as he was packing up for the day.

“Except instead of Dre and Tupac it’s Tedesco and Napa “

“Willie Mason is down there banging a Japanese gong in gas-mask. I could tell by the tatts”

“I even think I saw Gus Gould doing the worm”