Graeme Morrison had a stellar career as one of Scotland’s most successful rugby players but in truth, for some of this time, he was overwhelmed by depression.

After games in front of 80,000 cheering fans, Graeme would sometimes be the last player in the changing room, sitting with a towel covering his head, sobbing.

None of his teammates knew how to deal with him and, at his darkest point, he wondered what it would be like to take his own life.

He said: “I tell people I was capped for my country 35 times, played in a World Cup and faced the All Blacks but, really, I hated parts of that whole period.”

Speaking candidly for the first time publicly about the darkest period of his life, Graeme, 37, says it’s time for people to be honest about their mental health.

Since the recent death of TV presenter Caroline Flack, more people have opened up about their own struggles.

(Image: Jamie Williamson)

Graeme said: “It shouldn’t be the case that something like that happens before people will discuss mental health.

“When I was going through my darkest times and playing sport, there was a prehistoric attitude towards mental health.

“I was embarrassed, thinking, ‘I’m supposed to be this tough guy – why am I crying in the changing room right now when we’ve just won a game?’

“But you can’t control the chemicals in your brain. Sometimes you have to accept that you need help.

“I wish I’d been able to get proper help quicker because I know what it’s like to be at the lowest of the low and to think you could kill yourself.”

Graeme was born in Hong Kong – his Scottish grandfather was head of the police force in the former British colony – and he attended boarding school at Dollar Academy in Clackmannanshire at the age of 10, where he began playing rugby.

(Image: SNS Group/SRU)

His talents were obvious and, by the time he left school, he was part of the Scotland under-21 squad, then later signed by Sean Lineen to join the Glasgow Warriors where, until this season, he was the most capped Warrior of all time.

Graeme was forced to retire seven years ago on medical grounds. Not, ironically, because of depression

but due to knee problems.

He has since qualified as a chartered accountant.

He said the real world can be disappointing for retiring sports people.

Graeme added: “You miss the team, that brotherhood, but also the structure and regime. I think that’s why a lot of players fall into a hole. But my hole, I guess, came during my career.”

He admits he was highly strung, with a tendency towards OCD and perfectionism, whether on the pitch or packing his clothes for a tour.

(Image: AFP via Getty Images)

The tipping point came in 2010 after Scotland unexpectedly beat favourites Ireland during the Six Nations at Croke Park in Dublin.

Graeme said: “It was the most euphoric I’ve ever been with such intense enjoyment when that final whistle went.”

But the following week, Graeme had an argument with his girlfriend and they broke up. The high of the game followed by the break-up plunged him into crisis.

He added: “The break-up was a catalyst but not the reason I fell into a pit. It was definitely like the cork being popped on a bottle.

“From then on, everything else that was consuming me came out. When you’re a rugby player, your ego is big and you feel you’re in control of every situation and suddenly that changed and I was pretty upset.

“The OCD, the stress, the grumpiness and temper – it all came out. My world had gone upside down and overnight I was miserable.

“I didn’t want to get out of bed but had to go to training so at times I would drive to training in tears, then would drive home exhausted and get back into bed until the next session.”

His teammates were perplexed. Fortunately, around that time, Graeme had a week off and went back to Hong Kong to stay with his parents.

He said: “My brain would not turn off the constant chatter and I was getting dark, dark thoughts.”

He added: “I was having dinner with my parents, who lived in a third-storey apartment. I remember looking at the open balcony doors and thinking, ‘I could run off that right now and put an end to all this pain.’

“Wondering is as far as I got because I have a sensible streak and I know that would do more harm to people than good.

“But had I not had my parents or close friends, could that have manifested into something happening? Potentially yes – because that’s how low I felt.

“I distinctly remember that evening because it was such a powerful moment in my life.”

Graeme’s parents were so concerned that his mum returned to Scotland and stayed for a month to look after her son. Despite his depression, he continued playing.

He added: “I’d play and play well, would score tries and win games, then would break down in the changing room afterwards.”

Graeme barely remembers many of these games and struggled with depression during the highs of the 2011 World Cup in New Zealand.

Ultimately, it was only thanks to medication and the help of family and friends, plus a real desire to recover, that Graeme was able to get well again.

Pal Rory Lamont moved from Toulon back to Glasgow, where he moved in with Graeme to help him with his recovery.

And fellow player Johnnie Beattie gave him the number of Barbarians coach John Kirwan, the famous All Black who overcame depression.

Graeme said: “Unannounced and uninvited, I called John and said, ‘I’m really struggling – I need your help.’ He was brilliant and selfless and we chatted several times. For the first time, I related to someone who had been through it.”

That marked the start of Graeme’s return to health and, although he was bracing himself for a tough time after his retirement, in 2013, on the night of his final match for the Warriors, he met Sarah, now his wife.

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He said: “I was sick of feeling low and just wanted to get better. I guess the pressure just started to lift. Meeting Sarah was a huge help in making sure I didn’t return to that dark place.”

Graeme added: “Since I was a boy, all I wanted to do was represent my country at rugby and I was incredibly fortunate and proud to have had the opportunity. I have great memories and lifelong friends and it was 10 amazing years of my life that were marred by this one awful period that lasted two to three years. But the rest of the time was fantastic.”

Now married with three children – Ellie, four, Brodie, two, and eight-month-old Beauden – Graeme has never been happier.

He added: “I have so many things in my life to be incredibly joyful about, like my young children, and my wife is hugely supportive.

“Yes, there’s every chance depression could come round again but knowing I have defeated it before gives me the confidence to stave it off.”