I’ll be honest with you baby girl. I am so not prepared.



I want more than anything to meet you, but whoooo boy am I not prepared for the changes a-coming.



We had our first baby class this past Sunday. The whole day felt like a montage out of a tv series called “Scared Straight”. Only instead of little kids being warned not to fuck up their lives, I was watching videos telling me not to be a fuck up of a husband hahaha. I worry about the amount of pain your mom is about to go through. It’s incredibly hard for me to imagine her being in such pain and not being able to do anything about it. Then again, them’s the breaks when you’re born a girl eh? Speaking of, please don’t rush to experience childbirth too early. Wait a while. Like 30 years or something.



Watching those videos on babies being born was pretty sobering. Each video seemed to tell me “you are SO not ready.” I’m totally not. Tony, one of the cleaning staff at my office assured me there was no way to really be ready. He told me he still remembers the day he first saw his daughter’s head come out. She’s 20 now, but that memory is as clear as the day it happened. I’m ready for that. I’m totally ready to meet you. It’s getting everything else in place that is freaking me out. The idea of letting you and your mother down really just kicks me in the nuts.



Speaking of your mommy, she is being such a trooper. She shifts to her left side and right side whenever you start making her uncomfortable. I catch her making slight faces when you catch her by surprise with some kung fu routine you’re doing inside of her. When you were still a glint in our eyes, we talked about what kind of parents we would be. She worried quite a bit that if you were a girl (ha, and you are) - that you both wouldn’t get along when you hit your teenage years.



It’s funny. Your mother likes to talk about her apathy to everything, but she is so incredibly warm towards me and the boys. Remind me to show you all the pictures of her sleeping next to Cabbie. I tell her all the time that I doubt she has anything to worry about. I know at times it’ll be rough, but don’t ever doubt how much we love you.



I’m a totally different story. The consensus seems to be that I’m in trouble. It’s possible they’re right. Even your mom has no faith in me being able to put my foot down for any length of time. I guess we’ll wait and see.



This week has been a little worrisome for us. Your mommy and I seem to have bonded with your little flutters, kicks and punches. So when you’re all relaxed and sleeping, we have a hard time not being too anxious. Ok, maybe I have a hard time not being too anxious. Your mom is really great at masking her anxiety/worry. I know she does it for my sake because worrying is almost second nature to me. Ha.



Some of my friends have told me to have your mom eat spicy food in the hopes that would jump start your activity. Turns out you must have your mom’s tolerance for spicy food because you didn’t do shit. Hahaha.



Family baby shower tomorrow. That should be interesting. Only 4 items from the registry purchased so far. We’re a little worried that my relatives will have gone rogue and are going to give us a ton of cutesy stuff that might just end up cluttering our place. If you’re reading this, you know how much your mother hates clutter.



Everyone’s excited to meet you baby girl. Every time I hold your mommy’s tummy I whisper a quick prayer hoping that you’re in there growing strong and healthy.



You enjoying my writing? It’s been so long since I’ve written regularly. I used to craft well paced essays like nobody’s business. Then I got into all this tech crap and my ability to string words together suffered terribly. Compared to most of my peers I’m fucking Shakespeare though hahaha. It’s all stream of consciousness though, so at the very least you probably are getting a solid peek at how emotional and chaotic the inside of my head is right now.



If I’ve got the energy, I’ll be back tomorrow night to write about the baby shower. I have a feeling I have baby dresser assembly on my plate tonight/tomorrow night.



