This is how we do it, right? (Picture: Getty)

I used to have a woman’s body.

I also used to be really good at sex.

I mean reeeeeally good.

I prided myself in my ability to take any woman and her assertions that no-one could ever make her orgasm and make it happen within five minutes of sexy times starting, just to get it out of the way, you understand, and put her at ease.


Of course, I was oblivious to the fact that my inability to receive any sort of pleasure from my partner was constantly making them feel unattractive but hey! I was a giver. I was awesome.



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You’re the best! (Picture: IPGGutenbergUKLtd)

Now, things are different.

As testosterone works its magic on my body as I transition from female to male I find myself really wanting to finally receive pleasure, but, more than that, I’m starting to feel comfortable with it as well.

The thing is, all the stuff I did pre-transition has lost a lot of its appeal – it’s not so easy to play pretend when you know there are other options out there for you.

As I approach my 40th birthday I feel more like an inexperienced teenager than I ever did back when I actually was one.

Self-awareness is a double-edged sword.

Back then I didn’t care what I felt like, I just knew I felt horny.

Now I’m trying to navigate the waters of mutually beneficial sex and it’s nerve wracking.

Imagine a teenage boy’s hormones in the body of a fully grown adult and you might get some idea of the apprehension I feel.

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What do I do next? (Picture: KatarzynaBialasiewicz)

But it’s fun and luckily I’ve found myself someone with whom I can experiment, play around with and who gets my adult-teenager mentality that so overwhelms everything at the minute.

I’ve also become a lot more selfish too. After a lifetime of being selfless to a fault I sort of feel like I’m entitled to a little bit of ‘where’s mine?’

Strangely, though, I also feel guilty about getting mine.

I’m still trying to find the words to express what I want, still trying to work out just what it is I actually want, something that you’re supposed to have sorted by the time you’re almost 40.

But I feel like I’m just starting out and that in itself is exciting if a little embarrassing at times.

I feel like a 40-year-old virgin coming to the end of a 30 year puberty but now, at least, I’m getting to have all the clueless fumbles I never managed to experience as a boy when I was a lot younger.

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