SCP-4444

Item#: 4444 Level4 Containment Class: esoteric Secondary Class: ticonderoga Disruption Class: vlam Risk Class: warning link to memo



SCP-4444 (left) and Foundation doctor Jack Bright (right).

Carthage, TN, USA.



Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4444 is contained under the protocols established by the Foundation Classification Committee upon the introduction of the Ticonderoga object class. This class, created specifically for SCP-4444, establishes rules and procedures for managing the ongoing containment of entities that are either too powerful or too evasive for the Foundation to contain using available technologies, but due to their nature do not require any sort of extensive containment procedures.

The protocols established by the Ticonderoga-class are as follows:

SCP-4444 is to be under constant, discreet supervision - including while in its own home.

Neither Foundation or UIU personnel are to attempt to apprehend SCP-4444, as doing so has proven only to aggravate its anomalous characteristics.

Both the Foundation and the UIU are to have a staff of trained crisis negotiators on-site in order to facilitate discussions with SCP-4444, should it become aggravated. Due to SCP-4444's demeanor, this has proven an effective strategy in negotiating resolutions to anomalous outbursts.

Neither the Foundation nor the UIU are to attempt to remove SCP-4444 from the head of former United States Vice President Al Gore. Doing so has only proven to aggravate the entity, resulting in near-breaches of containment.

Al Gore's public appearances are to be limited - with his agreement, in order to prevent possible exposure of SCP-4444's anomalous abilities.

After a 9-2 Classification Committee vote, it was resolved that the Ticonderoga-class be established for use in monitoring SCP-4444's actions. Due to the protocols of the Ticonderoga-class, SCP-4444 can be quickly moved to a different object class, without the need for a Classification Committee vote, should it begin to show signs of disruptive anomalous activity. So far, this has not proven necessary.

As part of an agreement with the United States government, SCP-4444 is to be jointly monitored by available Foundation assets, some of whom are to make up its personal security detachment, along with agents from the UIU. Beyond this observation and further auxiliary research, no other containment procedures are required by current Ticonderoga-class protocols.

Access to this file will be made available to both Foundation and UIU personnel with appropriate clearances.

SCP-4444.



Description: SCP-4444 is an incorporeal extra-dimensional entity that has been cohabitating the body of former United States Vice President Albert Arnold Gore Jr., presumably since late 1998. The entity is invisible to the naked eye, but appears under infrared as a long, slender, translucent, hexagonal pyramid with six triangular vents , one at the top of each of its six faces, emerging from the upper back of Vice President Gore's head. The entity is inscribed with numerous glyphs written in an alien language, many of which glow when it is coopting the voice of Vice President Gore.

SCP-4444 is capable of altering the dimensionality of Vice President Gore, allowing him to become incorporeal in order to evade or escape containment. When doing this, SCP-4444 begins to glow brightly under infrared, and both itself and the Vice President become capable of walking through any and all physical barriers. Foundation engineers have not yet discovered the technology capable of restraining SCP-4444, making it impossible to maintain containment of the entity. Beyond this, SCP-4444 appears to have a number of other anomalous abilities , making it a consistent threat to informational awareness breach. Despite this, since the end of the 2000 United States Presidential race, SCP-4444 has expressed none of these anomalous abilities.

SCP-4444 refers to itself as part of a massive collective of similar entities. It responds to the name "Garber Gore" and can speak by coopting the voice of Vice President Gore, though its speech patterns are unusual and typically difficult to parse, likely due to the translation barrier between SCP-4444's native means of communication and Vice President Gore's brain.

SCP-4444's stated intention for arriving on Earth was as a reconnaissance mission for its collective, a group of similar extradimensional conical entities who travel across the universe searching for new sentient beings to cohabitate with. By SCP-4444's own admission, the result of this cohabitation usually results in the destruction of the host planet, typically due to greenhouse failure, as SCP-4444 (and, presumably, other instances like it) produces an unusually high amount of greenhouse gases when directly exposed to solar radiation.

SCP-4444 has also admitted that its population would not travel to Earth unless it had cohabitated the mind of the most powerful entity on the planet, in order to assure that the arrival of the other extradimensional beings would not be impeded by whatever power that entity represented. When SCP-4444 arrived in late 1998, it mistakenly believed that person was Vice President Al Gore . Realizing its mistake too late and being unable to remove itself from the Vice President's head, SCP-4444 then set upon its goal of being elected to the United States' highest office.



Addendum 4444.1: Discovery

SCP-4444 was discovered by two agents of the Unusual Incidents Unit, both of whom were assigned to President Bill Clinton's secret service at the time. The agents, codenamed "Ringwald" and "Porterhouse", were listening in to the following phone conversation held between President Clinton and Joe Andrew, who was at the time the chair of the Democratic National Committee.

Internal Audio Recording Transcript [BEGIN LOG] Clinton: This is the President. Andrew: Bill, it's Joe. Clinton: (Interrupting) Joe! Hey man, how've you been? We were just talking about you the other day, you know we've got that dinner coming up and- Andrew: (Interrupting) Yeah yeah, I know Bill, but look. We've got something weird going on. I thought I'd talk to you first. Clinton: What's that? Andrew: I just got off the phone with the Vice President, and he told me that he's going to be running in 2000. Clinton: Is that right? Hell yeah, good for Al. He'll be great. Andrew: Yeah, see, that's the thing Bill. He starts talking about how he's got some sort of… I don't know what he said, like some sort of extra-terrestrial living in his brain, and how- Clinton: Extra-terrestrial? You mean like the E.T.? Andrew: Precisely sir. He starts talking about how this alien in his noggin wants to run for president so it can sodomize the world, or some such nonsense. He was really off his rocker. Clinton: I mean, (laughs) you know Al, he's gotten into some stuff before. Might've just been a bit of the reefer, or- Andrew: No no, see, I thought that too. I called Daniels, his security chief. Says he's been sitting in his office all night, trying on hats. Hasn't touched anything - no reefer, not a drop of booze. He said he's walked in on him a few times, talking to himself. It's the most bizarre thing. Clinton: Hmmmm. You know Joe, it might just be the stress getting to him. There were a couple nights early on where I would just start seeing Mickey Mantle sitting in my closet, and I'd have these big long conversations with them. Ask Hillary, she could hear them from the next room! It's just the stress Joe, nothing to worry- Andrew: That's not all, sir. Daniels said he had the door closed earlier, and he just walked through the door like it wasn't there. Walked straight over to the fridge and stuck his hand through it like some sort of apparition or something, and pulled a can of Coke out like it was a ghostly beverage. He's got his whole team spooked right now, Bill. We've got that state dinner coming up, and I'll be honest I don't know if we can take him out like this. Clinton: Yeah, that's… hmm. That's probably not the reefer, then. [END LOG]

In the wake of this initial incident, Agents Ringwald and Porterhouse alerted operatives at UIU central, who moved in to contain the Vice President and ascertain the nature of his anomaly. Unfortunately, due to that anomaly, the Vice President could not be restrained, and insisted he was fine. When it became apparent that the anomaly was outside of the UIU's ability to control, assets within that organization reached out to the Foundation.

Once the Foundation discovered that SCP-4444 was outside of their ability to contain as well, alternate containment protocols were discussed.



Addendum 4444.2: Interview

The following interview was conducted between Site Director Alex Mabel, Site-14, FBI Associate Director of Special Units Adam Spironi, and Vice President Al Gore (SCP-4444).

[BEGIN LOG] Mabel: Alright, let's begin. SCP-4444, you have- Spironi: It's Mr. Gore for Chrissake, he's still the goddamn Vice President of the- SCP-4444: Now Adam, please, it's all right. Let's let the gentleman talk and see what he has to say. Mabel: Thanks. Mr. Gore, as you well know we've recently been following your actions and have noted some peculiar changes in your behaviour. SCP-4444: Hmm. Well, I can't imagine what those might be. I still put my pants on like the other guys, one leg at a time. Mabel: Yeah, see, you actually seemed to phase into your pants the other day. Spironi: (Rolls eyes) They think you’re like some kind of spook or phantom, Mr. Vice President. Are you a spook or a phantom? SCP-4444: Well golly, I mean, I don't think so. I don't think I've partaken in any hauntings as of late, at least none that I remember. Spironi and SCP-4444 laugh. Mabel: Mr. Gore, we did a routine scan of your home using thermal and infrared cameras to see if we could detect any unusual activity, and it seems that you have a meter long incorporeal spike coming out of the back of your head. SCP-4444: Now that's silly, look- (pats the back of his head) don't you think I'd notice some sort of long implement protruding from back there? Spironi: Of course sir, definitely sir, it's just that- Mabel: You haven't had any strange dreams recently, have you sir? Or maybe some kind of unusual cravings? SCP-4444: Well, now that you think of it, I did have a dream the other night about some food I had a while back. I don't get many food dreams, you know. Spironi: There, see? Just a food dream, he's not- Mabel: Mr. Gore, you wouldn't be harboring any alien intelligences, would you? Vice President Gore pauses and furrows his brow. He opens his mouth to speak. SCP-4444: (Indistinct garbling) Spironi: Excuse me? Mabel: Hang on- say that again, sir? SCP-4444: (Opens mouth again, and the sound of a radio being tuned is audible) Spironi: What in the name of Mary is this. Mabel: Hello? Is there anyone else in there? Tuning sound is present for a short while longer, until Vice President Gore's voice is audible again. SCP-4444: Wonder nuts. Name of Garber Gore. Presented? Spironi: Huh? Mabel: Hello there, my name is Director Mabel, and we- SCP-4444: Well hang on now Garber, I haven't done proper introductions yet. SCP-4444: Nefariousness! Falacy uptake the nonsense. Garber Gore accounted. Identification whereon the other? Mabel: I think he wants your name, Spironi. Spironi: I, uh, I'm Adam Spironi. SCP-4444: (Sighs) Well boys, I suppose the ole cat is out of the bag. Seems like I've got an unintended traveler through this thing called life. This is Garber, last name Gore. He's taken up residence in the ole dome here, see. Mabel: When did you first encounter this being? SCP-4444: Incandescence! Illustriousness! Indeterminable! SCP-4444: Well, let's see. It was just a few nights ago, I believe. I had just turned in for the night when I heard someone talking in my room. I turned the light on, you know, and Tipper wasn't there but I still kept hearing this voice. Turns out it was my buddy Garber here, tuning in to my brain. Spironi: Is it making you talk like that? SCP-4444: I think ole Garber doesn't really see things like you and me. He just sort of gets his meaning across and it sounds all funny. He's a real funny dude. Very peculiar. Spironi: Yeah, seems like it. Mabel: Mr. Vice President, do you believe you’re experiencing any changes in thought, or mood? Any sort of psychological or emotional shifts at all? SCP-4444: You know, I think maybe? Ever since Garber set up shop here in my head, there’s definitely a union going on there. Sometimes it’s hard to tell where the line between Al and Garber is, you know? We’re like best friends, lifelong pals. (Laughs) It’s sort of funny, you know, I hadn’t actually considered running or anything. But Garber is very persuasive. Mabel: Garber, what is your purpose for being here on Earth? SCP-4444: Mindthink the sustenance of Garber! Salacious desire undertaking encouragement. Downsize the conquest. Strongest most strong. Garber Gore presented misunderstanding. Strongest misunderstanding "Vice" unequated. Goofy unnecessarity for implementation Garber Gore on the think-stem. Improvement situational by majority gathering selectors the vote. Garber Gore succeed presidential, encouragement arrival the greater Garber. Spironi: What the fuck does any of that mean. SCP-4444: Well, I think ole Garber here is trying to say he had a bit of a mix up. He got confused, you see - he wanted to drop himself in the noggin of the most powerful man on the planet and got me and Bill mixed up. I told him I was flattered, you know, but that he really had the wrong man. I don't think Garber can just pop on out of my brain here though, so he's decided- that is to say, we’ve decided- that we're going to run for president in 2000. SCP-4444: Incongruous. Mabel: Unfortunately, that won't be possible. We're going to need to bring you in to our facility for additional observation, Mr. Gore, and- Spironi: Well now hang on there Alex, this man is the sitting Vice President of the United States. You can't just whisk him away to one of your doo-diddle sites somewhere for probing of the rectum or whatever sort of homo shit you get into there. Mabel: Spironi, he's got an alien spike embedded in the back of his skull. Spironi: And he's needed for important government work. It's just unworkable. Mabel: He's the Vice President, Spironi. Give me a break. Spironi: (Pauses) Alright, well, fair, but- SCP-4444: I'm sorry to interrupt here gentlemen, but unfortunately there's really no way about it. Garber and I will run in 2000, and there's not much you can do to slow me down. Garber here doesn't seem to operate fully in the three dimensions you and I know, so anytime he wants we can just float right on out of here like some sort of ghostly balloon. I wouldn’t tempt him, either - I can tell he’s got a real itchy trigger finger in there. Mabel: You know we can't allow that. SCP-4444: Well, then I guess you better scoot on out of here get to thinking, because ole Al is fixing to roll on up to the big chair. Spironi: Well shit. [END LOG]

Joint Foundation/UIU Deliberations

The following is a transcript of a meeting at the Pentagon between several high-ranking members of the Federal Bureau of Investigation’s UIU, as well as members of the Foundation's regional leadership. The meeting was called due to the high threat SCP-4444 or its anomalous properties would be discovered by the public.

Internal Audio Recording Transcript In Attendance: U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation Director Louis J. Freeh

U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation Special Projects Manager Dr. Ophelia Clark

U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation Unusual Incidents Unit Director Winston Bishop

U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation Unusual Incidents Unit Assistant Director Howard Dean

U.S. Army General James Roland

SCP Foundation Regional Director Dr. Sophia Light

SCP Foundation Director of Personnel Jack Bright

SCP Foundation Assistant Director of Public Awareness Dr. Jeremiah Cimmerian

SCP Foundation Director of Occult Technologies Dr. Kain Pathos Crow

SCP Foundation Acting Director of Occult Studies Alto Clef [SCP] Director Light: Let's get started. Director Freeh, thank you for joining us. [FBI] Director Freeh: A pleasure. We just want to get this resolved as quickly as possible. [SCP] Director Light: As do we. Now - as you all may know, we spent some time at Vice President Gore's home this last week, trying to work out the details of how we might get him out of the situation he's in. I'll uh- refer to my Director of Occult Technologies about the progress we made there. [SCP] Director Crow: Yes, wonderful, thank you Director. We've been looking into- [FBI] Clark: That is a talking dog. [SCP] Director Crow: Quite! Now, as I was saying. We've been looking into the entity that has affixed itself to the back of the Vice President's head, and I'll say - it is a cheeky bastard. These sort of incorporeals always are - Agent Clef can second me on this matter. Silence. [SCP] Clef: Oh, what, me? [SCP] Director Crow: Yes yes, of course you Alto. Do us the service of telling us what your team has learned about this entity. [SCP] Clef: Alright, well, uh- (rifles through a folder full of paperwork) it's a motherfucker, that's for sure. Impossible to interact with physically due to its structure, which exists within many parallel dimensions simultaneously, that we can tell. It doesn't interact with the world like we do - we don't think it can see - it's just got those those vent things on the outside of it and no way we can tell of perceiving a three dimensional world. Hell, even those are probably just for, uh, just for decoration, or something. [FBI] Asst. Director Dean: For… decoration? [SCP] Clef: Yeah man, it's fucked. So we did some looking at the Vice President's brain, and suffice to say that it's really all sorts of messed up back there where the entity comes into contact with it. It's not his brain that's a problem really, just the sort of space inside his head is all akimbo. (Pauses) I mean, he's fine. Like, he's still all there. His personality hasn't changed too bad or anything - he's just got an alien living in there too. [SCP] Director Crow: Indeed! So, my team has been developing some technology that we might use to yank that screw right out of the Vice President's head. This, uh, let me see here- (fumbles with a projector remote) -yes, wonderful, okay. This is an Incorporeal Entity Vacuum Chamber, you see, sort of a new design for us. We've had some good luck with containing all sorts of incorporeal entities in this bad boy, including a number of ghouls and what-have-you. It is a promising technology. [SCP] Clef: The downside is that, when you put things that aren't ghosts in there, they explode. (Uncertain murmuring.) [SCP] Director Crow: Yes, well, when you put it that way Alto, there are still considerations to be had there. [FBI] Director Bishop: Look, we're not interested in blowing up the Vice President. If we wanted to do that, we'd just do it. Do we know anything about this creature's intentions? What does it want? [SCP] Asst. Director Cimmerian: Yes, actually. In our dealings with the Vice President and with the SCP-4444 entity, we've determined that it intends to run for the office of President of the United States. [USA] General Roland: My god, this is it, isn’t it? It's the invasion. It's the invasion, I knew it. We've been preparing for this for years. [SCP] Asst. Director Cimmerian: I- hmm. No, not necessarily the way you're probably imagining. The entity claims to be part of a swarm of similar extradimensional entities, some greater collective, that go from planet to planet, using the thoughts of the populace as food, and then leaving once the greenhouse gases they produce hotbox the planet. [FBI] Director Freeh: So why aren't they just doing that? [SCP] Director Light: These entities don’t appear to understand the extent of their abilities, or even that they’re incorporeal, so much of what we could consider their “culture” is based on a misunderstanding that they are somehow weaker than corporeal beings because they don’t properly differentiate between the two. The entity has made it clear that they don't want to arrive on a planet until they've got one of their own positioned into the most powerful single creature on that planet, because otherwise that entity and the native inhabitants of the planet could annihilate them. Maybe this has happened to them at some point in the past. Regardless, we currently believe they think that person is President Clinton. [FBI] Director Bishop: But that position is about to be open. [SCP] Director Light: Precisely. We're going to continue to let Dr. Crow and his team work on finding a way to remove that thing from the Vice President's skull, but in the meantime our best bet might just be to support his opposition in the upcoming election. We think if we can make Vice President Gore unelectable, then the entities may just pass over us, thinking we’re too dangerous of a threat, and our nail in Mr. Gore's head might leave on its own. [USA] General Roland: Good lord - you're talking about undermining the very essence of American democracy! That's unspeakable. [SCP] Clef: If you think this is the first time we've fucked with your elections, I've got some bad news for you there bub. [FBI] Director Bishop: So why not just rig the election? You seem to have the resources necessary to do so - why not just declare someone else the winner? [SCP] Director Light: That’s nice of you to think so, but the fact is that rigging an election on this scale without somebody finding out and alerting the press is an unacceptable risk. There are too many moving parts, even if we only targeted a few swing states. As dangerous as leaving the SCP-4444 entity uncontained is, trying to swing the election in favor of another candidate through brute force might reveal us entirely. We have resources, but we’re not omnipotent. [SCP] Asst. Director Cimmerian: We'll need to be put in contact with Governor Bush's campaign, but we can start rolling out disinformation before the end of the week. Silence. [SCP] Asst. Director Cimmerian: Is something wrong? [FBI] Director Freeh: I imagine it hasn't hit the papers just yet. Governor Bush was shot last night. He was hunting and caught a stray bullet right above the ear. The swelling put pressure on his brain, and he was done before they got him to a hospital. [SCP] Director Light: God, he's dead? [FBI] Director Freeh: No - he's still breathing, but you know - nobody's home. They're saying it's brain death - they'll likely pull him off the ventilator here in a few hours. They're just waiting for his family to fly in. I imagine we'll hear an announcement from them soon. [SCP] Director Light: That's so unfortunate. (Pauses) But he is still breathing, right? [FBI] Director Freeh: I- yes? [SCP] Director Light: So his body's still working? Like, all the bits are still functional? [FBI] Director Freeh: I mean, yes - but I don't know how this is relevant to- [SCP] Director Light: I think… I think I know how we're going to oppose the Vice President's campaign. Silence. [SCP] Director Bright: Oh no you fucking don't. [END LOG]

Foundation Department of Personnel Resources

Official Complaint Form





Remember! When filling out this form, try to be as professional as possible! The use of libelous or profane language is not acceptable in official documents, and will be removed from the final submission. Be concise as possible, and address your concerns fully! Complaint Recipient: Foundation Ethics Committee / Site Director’s Council / North American Regional Command / Sophia [EXPLETIVE] Light / The [EXPLETIVE] Overseer Council for all I [EXPLETIVE] care Complaint Originator: Jack Complaint Title: what the [EXPLETIVE] you [EXPLETIVE] Yeah hi guys, it’s Jack. I don’t know who [EXPLETIVE] passed the [EXPLETIVE] vote to let this remarkable [EXPLETIVE] travesty take place, but it’s not going to [EXPLETIVE] fly. I let you do the [EXPLETIVE] monkey thing because it was funny, but this [OBSCENE METAPHOR] is not. A [EXPLETIVE] million look-alikes in the world and your best laid plan is to [OBSCENE EUPHEMISM] me into the corpse of some [EXPLETIVE] rancho [EXPLETIVE] yee-haw go get-em cowgirl [DEROGATORY NAME FOR A POLITICIAN]. How the [EXPLETIVE] would you like it if somebody knocked you the [EXPLETIVE] out and you woke up smelling like [EXPLETIVE] cheap beer and [OBSCENE EUPHEMISM]? Pretty [EXPLETIVE] horrible, I’d imagine. That sure would [EXPLETIVE] suck, wouldn’t it? You know I can’t even take a [EXPLETIVE]? Sit down on the john and squeeze and no [CREATIVE USE OF DESCRIPTORS APPROXIMATING AN OBSCENE DESCRIPTION OF FECES] comes out. They had to put a pump in there just to squeeze the [EXPLETIVE] out. My [EXPLETIVE] doesn’t work, I constantly smell like [EXPLETIVE], and Lament is getting his [EXPLETIVE] off because he says I look like a chimpanzee. [EXPLETIVE] him, and [EXPLETIVE] you. How about this for an idea. Next time one of you [LONG STRING OF EXPLETIVES] eggheads gets it in your [EXPLETIVE] thick skulls that you’ve got something clever in the works, take that and [CREATIVE USE OF SLANG, METAPHOR, ALLUSION AND EUPHEMISM APPROXIMATING OBSCENITY] and see if they have to put a pump in you to push it out. I bet it probably wouldn’t help. Yours truly, Get [EXPLETIVE], Jack P.S. and if Sophia has to read this, you can tell her she can [OBSCENE METAPHOR].

Filed Internal Complaints Regarding SCP-4444’s Ongoing Containment ProceduresPresidential Race Disinformation Campaigns

Before it could be announced that Governor George W. Bush had passed away from damage done to his brain, Foundation and Bureau operatives collected the body and moved it to a Foundation medical center, where the damaged parts of the brain could be restored. After the treatment was complete, SCP-963 was applied to the brain-dead body of Governor Bush. As expected, Director Bright assumed the form of Governor Bush.

Afterwards, with the 2000 United States Presidential Race now in full swing , the Foundation's Department of Public Disinformation began drafting methods to discredit Vice President Gore during the campaign. Attached is a list of some of those methods, the majority of which were discarded.

DISINFORMATION CAMPAIGN PROPOSAL 4444-23 Codename: Tarbelly Proposal: Create Disinformation that accuses Vice President Gore of poisoning the water in a small third-world town or village out of spite. Can also be upgraded to a larger third-world town or small American suburb, if necessary. Status: Rejected - No towns with reasonably convincing poisoned water supplies.

DISINFORMATION CAMPAIGN PROPOSAL 4444-26 Codename: Porky Proposal: Create altered images implying that Vice President Gore once engaged in sexual relations with a pig. Uncertain whether larger or smaller pigs would generate a more negative response. Status: Rejected - No farm experience as a child; additionally, photo-editing methods are insufficient to create a believable image of the Vice President engaging in sexual relations with a pig.

DISINFORMATION CAMPAIGN PROPOSAL 4444-51 Codename: Star Wars Proposal: Produce disinformation that Vice President Gore both believes in and believes he has communicated with a space alien. Status: Rejected - Due to the sensitive nature of Vice President Gore's anomaly, it was determined that a disinformation campaign so closely linked to the truth would be ill-fated.

DISINFORMATION CAMPAIGN PROPOSAL 4444-76 Codename: The Other Monica Proposal: Produce disinformation that Vice President Gore was in actuality the individual involved in the Clinton sex scandal, and that Monica Lewinsky was brought in to take the fall for the illicit affair. Status: Accepted - On a 5-4 vote, a Containment Committee Special Proposals Board approved a plan to introduce information to discredit Vice President Gore by insinuating he had been involved in a homosexual love affair with President Bill Clinton. This information was leaked just before the incident now known as the September Debate, unwittingly leading to what nearly became the largest breach of informational security in modern Foundation history.

The September Debate

While Director Crow's teams continued working on technology to allow them to interact with the incorporeal SCP-4444, Director Bright (posing as Governor Bush) and SCP-4444 (interacting through Vice President Gore) agreed to an early debate, one immediately before the three primary October debates. In reality, the debate was set up by Foundation personnel in order to control the environment in which the candidates would be debating, in order to assure that any potential information security risks could be managed.

The debate was held at the Plainfield Christian Church in Plainfield, Indiana. Journalist Jim Lehrer was brought in to moderate the debate. The video stream from the debate was set on a three minute delay, to account for possible anomalous disruptions throughout the broadcast.

The following is the full transcript of the video recording of this event.

Moderator Jim Lehrer enters the auditorium, waving briefly at the assembled crowd. The audience stands and applauds. After a moment, they return to their seats. Lehrer: Hello everyone, and thank you for coming out to tonight’s Crossroads of America town hall debate, sponsored by the Eli Lilly Corporation, between the Republican candidate for President- (pauses for applause) -George W. Bush of Texas- (pauses for additional applause) -and the Democratic nominee, Vice President Al Gore (pauses for applause). Tonight’s debate will be structured like this - we will be selecting members of the audience to come up towards the stage to one of these two microphones here, and addressing their questions to the candidates directly. We ask that nobody take more than fifteen seconds to ask their questions, after which the candidate they have addressed will have three minutes to respond. The other candidate will have one minute of rebuttal. My job is to keep things moving. Lehrer: Now, without further ado, Governor George W. Bush and Vice President Al Gore! Both men walk across the stage from different sides. The crowd stands and applauds. This continues for several seconds, until the stage manager calls for the crowd to be seated. Lehrer: Mr. Vice President, Mr. Governor, welcome to beautiful Plainfield, Indiana. Thank you for being here with us. SCP-4444: Yes, and thank you, Jim. A real pleasure to be here. Director Bright: Yes, (snickers) thank you Jim. Thank you more, in fact. Light laughter from the audience. SCP-4444 glances at Director Bright and rolls his eyes. Lehrer: Let’s start with our first question. Go ahead and tell us your name, and who your question is for. Woman at mic: Hi, yeah, my name is Stacy Schrugel, and my question is for the Vice President. In the primaries you talked a lot about your leadership abilities and your experience in the White House. What do you think makes you a more capable leader than Governor Bush? Lehrer: Three minutes, Mr. Vice President. SCP-4444: (Stands) Well that’s a great question Jim, and Stacy, I’d like to thank you for asking it. Over the last eight years I’ve experienced numerous struggles while working as a member of the executive branch. It’s been my honor to do so, but I also learned a lot from that. Specifically, I learned that you need a cool head in the Oval Office to ensure America’s interests are protected, as are the interesting compliances whereabout matter in complacencies and troglodyte hernias. Slight murmuring from the crowd. Lehrer raises an eyebrow, while Director Bright raises both. SCP-4444: When you see someone sitting in that chair, you want to know for sure that they’re the best ambivalent vicarious corncrake caliper available for the job. And you can be sure that a vote for Garber Gore is an understandimated vote for respectability, neutrality, lamp posts. (Sits back down, seemingly satisfied with his response.) More murmuring from the crowd. Director Bright appears to be holding back laughter. Lehrer turns towards him. Lehrer: Uh… I see. Governor Bush, your response? Director Bright: (Stands) Heh, I think what my tongue-tied opponent here is trying to say is that you want the best man for the job in that chair. America, I am the best man for that job. I’ve run a clean ship down in Texas - no funny business. We take care of our own, and protect the things that matter the most to Texans. Does that mean we put retards in the chair sometimes? (Shrugs) Maybe. Maybe it does mean that. Maybe it means we burn through gas like an eighty-year-old smoker in an iron lung does with her Parliaments. It’s like my pappy always said, you gotta scramble some eggs if you want to make an omelette - and oh baby, do we scramble some eggs. Lock em in there and let em fry, heh heh. Concerned murmuring from the crowd. Members of the crowd begin to look around the room. Lehrer laughs nervously. Director Bright: I’ll tell you one thing though- Lehrer: Mr. Governor, your time is- Director Bright: (Interrupting) -there’s two things that ain’t gonna be in my White House. The first is communists. We broke the red menace ten years ago, and we ain’t gonna be inviting her back. The second, is secretary-fuckers. In a Bush White House, you can know for damn sure we’re only fucking one things - our wives, aggressively. And the retards, of course, but you know what they say, you can take the boy out of Texas, but you can’t take the Texas out of the boy. Heh heh. Crowd gives a half-hearted applause; numerous members of the audience are beginning to look around with uncertainty. Camera pans back to Lehrer. In the back of the frame, a person in a grey pantsuit (Foundation Regional Assistant Director Tilda Moose) is seen furiously gesturing at Director Bright, who seems to not notice. Lehrer: Alright, well… okay, so… let’s uh- let’s move on to our next question- yes, you there, go ahead and give us your name and- Agent Calloway: Yeah, this question is for Vice President Gore, I’m- Lehrer: Excuse me, the next question needs to be for the Governor- Agent Calloway: -a writer for the Post, and at the conclusion of this event we’re going to be dropping a story about how it was actually you under that desk instead of Monica Lewinsky- A gasp is heard throughout the crowd. Agent Calloway: -and that you and “President Clinton” framed that girl to cover your illicit love affair - is this true? Director Bright: You know Jim, I’d also really love to hear the answer to this question. Lehrer: Now that’s not- SCP-4444: Now hang on one gosh-darn minute there George, is this some kind of setup? I didn’t have anything to do with the events you’re- Agent Calloway: One minute there Mr. Vice President, because if you’ll see here I have photographic evidence of this illicit behaviour. You’ll note you there, down on your knees, and- SCP-4444: Well that’s just preposterous, I wouldn’t ever- Director Bright: I dunno Al, (snickers) that looks pretty convincing to me. SCP-4444: Now you just- Loud, angry vocalizations from the crowd. Several fights break out. Camera keep rolling. Director Bright: Here’s what I’ll ask ya’ll, America. Do you want to see a strong man in the chair, or a weak man under it? SCP-4444: I- (inaudible over the sound of the audience) Director Bright: Heh heh. All part of the plan, boys. I call that my strategery. Got 'em. A chair is thrown onto the stage from off-screen. Assistant Director Moose is seen attempting to rush the stage, but is held back by the audience that has become belligerent and aggressive towards each other. A few members of the audience try to come on-stage, but Foundation security personnel intercept them. SCP-4444 is seen looking around the room in despair. Jim Lehrer appears to be hiding behind his chair as more objects are thrown on-stage by the crowd. Director Bright snickers at his seat. SCP-4444 casting a dark spell on the audience while moderator Jim Lehrer and Director Bright look on. The space above the audience begins to distort. SCP-4444’s eyes glow brightly, and suddenly members of the audience start to change shape. SCP-4444 stands, waving its arms above its head. SCP-4444: Garber unacceptable addition convention terraform unto dark magicianship! Spell! Spell! Members of the crowd begin to rush the exits, many of which are now blocked by the elongated forms of other members of the audience. SCP-4444: Gregarious enchant the manatee! Vex papyrus in the dust! Conflagration imitate the date, and diphosphorus cacophony. I am a serious candidate gosh darn it, and I demand to demonstrate diversified intersection atmosphere! SCP-4444 takes its seat, seemingly satisfied with its response. The doors to the room are thrown open, and both Foundation and FBI operatives swarm the stage. Outside, helicopters are audible as several task forces descend upon the church. SCP-4444 leaps over the desk and runs towards the wall. SCP-4444: Spruce goose vamoose! Garber Gore elected in superfluous agreement! SCP-4444 disappears through the wall. As it does, the ceiling above the room explodes as charges are set off, and more Bureau agents descend through it on grapples. As the audience begins to change back into their original human forms, a group of agents (including Assistant Director Moose) are seen grabbing Director Bright and ushering him quickly off stage. The situation comes under control, and the broadcast ends.

During the events of the September Debate, when it became clear that Director Bright was not cooperating with expected procedure, the majority of broadcasts were shut down. One smaller station , however, continued broadcasting throughout.

A cover story of technical difficulties at the event was given to all cancelled broadcasts, and a massive coverup began for those households who had watched the entirety of the filmed event. Class A amnestics were given to all suspected viewers. Additional amnestics had to be given in to those in the path of SCP-4444, who ran unimpeded by obstacles all the way from the debate site to a barn in western Ohio where it hid in an upper loft for three days before being convinced to come down.

Afterwards, Director Bright was disciplined by the Ethics Committee for his actions during the debate, as was the special committee that approved the disinformation campaign. Members of the Republican campaign committee approached the Vice President’s team and agreed to strict rules for all upcoming debates, which SCP-4444 was willing to agree to . After Director Bright met with a Disciplinary Committee consisting of Regional Director Light, Assistant Director Moose, Director Holland, Director Mann, Director Wilson, and Assistant Director Amon, he too agreed to terms regarding the October debates.



Addendum 4444.7: Television Ads

While SCP-4444’s eccentric speech patterns and unusual behaviour was able to be mitigated during debates through the use of video and audio editing, its campaign (staffed in part by undercover members of the UIU) began releasing ads on television stations around the country. While many of these ads were of no consequence, several of them were aggressively eccentric and breached information security, and were not allowed to run on public stations.

However, in order to satisfy SCP-4444’s desire to see them run, satellite televisions were installed on the Vice President’s HQ bus, through which undercover agents would play tapes of the removed ads instead of regular between-program advertisements.

SCP-4444 in one of many cancelled television advertisements. 2000 Democratic Campaign Committee

Targeted Television Advertisement A pastoral scene comes into frame. A guitar plays softly in the background. The scene transitions to a fence, resting against which is Vice President Gore. SCP-4444: Hello America. My name is Al Gore, your Vice President. Scene changes, and a farm appears in the background. The Vice President walks into the frame. SCP-4444: What you see behind me is a farm. There are many like it on our planet. This farm has cows in it. Have you ever seen a cow? Camera pans right slightly. A cow is standing near SCP-4444. SCP-4444: This is a cow. And this cow can produce a thousand tons of methane every year. That methane is what’s called a “greenhouse gas”, and if enough of it gets into the atmosphere, it’s lights out for the planet. Scene cuts dramatically to SCP-4444 standing behind the cow. A large plastic bag has been taped to the rear-end of the cow. SCP-4444: Did you know that there are some creatures out there that can double, or quintuple that output? In a day? It’s more true than you think. And some of those creatures might be living here, right on Earth, very soon. SCP-4444 slaps the back end of the cow, causing it to jump and run out of frame. SCP-4444 laughs. SCP-4444: So tape up the anuses of your cows, so that harmful methane can’t get into the atmosphere. Everyone needs to do their part to offset these greenhouse gases, so that if any other hypothetical creatures come here that create much more of those gases, the Earth can hang on a little longer before dying. Scene changes to SCP-4444 smiling at the camera, arms folded. A cow with a plastic bag taped over its rear end is seen eating in the field behind SCP-4444. SCP-4444: My name is Al Gore, and fledgling nocturne annihilism fellow Garber Gore, and we want to tape American bags over American cow anuses. Camera pans out towards a field of cows with bags taped on their rear ends, and then fades to black.

A cat featured in one of SCP-4444's campaign ads. 2000 Democratic Campaign Committee

Targeted Television Advertisement SCP-4444 does not appear on screen. Instead, the entirety of the ad is a slow zoom in on a sleeping cat. SCP-4444 Voiceover: Gregarious. My collared addition designated Garber Gore. (Pauses) Cat. Pauses. SCP-4444 Voiceover: You know what’s in style nowadays? Cats. Also - shaving the back of your head. Pauses. SCP-4444 Voiceover: Monks did it once. Garber Gore expectations upon man to disinfect point disparity the population approaches. Pauses. SCP-4444 Voiceover: Shave those heads. For America. Pauses. SCP-4444 Voiceover: Shave em, buster. Fade to black.

Global Occult Coalition Inquiries

Throughout the election of 2000 and during the establishment of initial containment procedures for SCP-4444, rumors began circulating in paranormal investigative groups that the Vice President was possessed by a demon. Several of these groups, namely the fledgling "Knights of Truth" internet-based paranormal truther group, began circulating a number of conspiracy theories regarding the Vice President. These included:

Vice President Al Gore is an alien,

Vice President Al Gore is carrying an alien child,

Vice President Al Gore was seen flying over Minneapolis wearing nothing but black dress socks ,

Vice President Al Gore is a non-specific ghost or apparition,

Vice President Al Gore is the ghost of Rutherford B. Hayes,

Vice President Al Gore was a ghost, but then possessed the body of Al Gore and is no longer a ghost,

Vice President Al Gore has spectral ties to a psychic terrorist group living in Pakistan,

Vice President Al Gore is neither an alien nor a ghost, but is instead a shapeshifter from Mars,

Vice President Al Gore is Bigfoot,

Vice President Al Gore is the ghost of Bigfoot,

Vice President Al Gore is the ghost of an alien Bigfoot.

Due to the abundance of conspiracy theories and potential sightings reported during the early days of 2000, the Unusual Incidents Unit was contacted on several occasions by ranking members of the Global Occult Coalition, who were concerned about the potential anomalous nature of the Vice President. A transcript of one of these calls is below.

Federal Bureau of Investigation

Unusual Incidents Unit [UIU] Agent Montoya: FBI special request line, this is Ronaldo. [GOC] Gen. Noriega: Good morning, Ronaldo, it's General Noriega at the United Nations. [UIU] Agent Montoya: Good morning, General. I don't believe we were expecting to hear from you this morning. [GOC] Gen. Noriega: No, no, you weren't. This is just a courtesy call - nothing business related. [UIU] Agent Montoya: Of course, what can I help you with? [GOC] Gen. Noriega: Look, I'll be straight with you Ronaldo. I may have lied about this not being business. See, we've been hearing some pretty unsettling things coming out of Washington about this election, and well, we've just got some concerns. I was hoping you'd be able to clear some of these up. [UIU] Agent Montoya: Absolutely. We haven't had any reports of paranormal activity in Washington recently, so this should be quick. [GOC] Gen. Noriega: Yeah, see… that's the thing. It's not really Washington, Ronaldo, it's the Vice President. [UIU] Agent Montoya: Vice President Gore, sir? [GOC] Gen. Noriega: Yes, that's the one. See, we have some concerns. [UIU] Agent Montoya: About the Vice President? [GOC] Gen. Noriega: The very same. We have some concerns that he might be, in some way, affiliated with some sort of demonic presence, or supernatural ghoul. [UIU] Agent Montoya: Hmmmm. That's certainly concerning. [GOC] Gen. Noriega: You understand, now, why we're concerned. [UIU] Agent Montoya: I do, yes. But there's no need for concern, General. We haven't detected any sort of unusual activity surrounding the Vice President recently. [GOC] Gen. Noriega: Really? None at all? [UIU] Agent Montoya: None at all. [GOC] Gen. Noriega: Hmmmm. That's just so strange, because I'm looking right now in my hand at a picture of the Vice President, and I'll be honest, it looks like he's got a real supernatural look about him. [UIU] Agent Montoya: Supernatural, sir? [GOC] Gen. Noriega: The very same. A real queer visage, if you understand my meaning. See, in this picture I have, the Vice President appears to be floating out of the wall of a second story room at his house. I'd call that queer, myself. [UIU] Agent Montoya: Very queer. I haven't seen this picture - that would be something to see. But we haven't seen anything about the Vice President walking through walls, sir. [GOC] Gen. Noriega: Now hang on one second - you mean to tell me you haven't heard or seen anything peculiar about the Vice President? Not even about how he's in league with a nefarious group of wall-walkers? [UIU] Agent Montoya: Do you think the Vice President can walk through walls, General? [GOC] Gen. Noriega: I- now hang on again, I didn't say that. I'm just asking about queer business, Ronaldo. [UIU] Agent Montoya: You just make it sound like you think the Vice President can walk through walls. [GOC] Gen. Noriega: Well, not necessarily, but I mean, I have this picture, and- [UIU] Agent Montoya: Have you seen the Vice President walk through any walls, General Noriega? [GOC] Gen. Noriega: Well no, but- [UIU] Agent Montoya: Has anyone you know and trust seen the Vice President walk through any walls? [GOC] Gen. Noriega: Probably not, but- [UIU] Agent Montoya: General Noriega, where did you find that picture? Silence. [UIU] Agent Montoya: General? [GOC] Gen. Noriega: Alright, fine, we found it on the internet. We've just been hearing all this unsavory business about the Vice President, and when we saw this shit we figured we had to look into it, alright? I said this was just a courtesy call - not official business. Come on now, Ronaldo, give me a break. (Scoffs) Like I would think the Vice President can walk through walls. I never said that, remember. Nor would I, that's preposterous. [UIU] Agent Montoya: Agreed, sir. [GOC] Gen. Noriega: Alright, well. Good talking to you, Ronaldo. Keep us posted if you see any unusual activity. [UIU] Agent Montoya: Of course, sir. [GOC] Gen. Noriega: Very good. (Pauses) Good day. [UIU] Agent Montoya: Goodbye, sir. [CALL ENDS]

November 7th, 2000

On November 7th, 2000, citizens across America began casting their votes for the Presidency of the United States. Early polls showed a slight advantage for Governor Bush, which almost immediately evaporated after major news networks declared Florida to Vice President Gore. Foundation agents across the country began enacting emergency protocols, attempting to disrupt voting while maintaining discretion. The majority of these attempts failed, as there simply were not enough agents available to maintain these efforts.

Shortly before 8pm EST, after major networks announced that Vice President Gore had taken Florida, a contingency plan was enacted, codenamed "RED VELVET", that would hopefully ensure the ongoing survival of the human race, should the Vice President win the election. The following telephone conversation took place between O5-2, Director Freeh of the FBI, and Regional Director Light.

[FBI] Freeh: So we're decided, then. [SCP] O5-2: Yes. The Council has made its determination. After everything that has happened, this may be our only opportunity to make a move. [FBI] Freeh: How do we know the other entities won't see through our attempts? What if they just send another one of those things down here to supplant the next president? [SCP] Light: We have precautions against that, now. We've installed Director Crow's vacuum nullifiers - just like the one we have set up at the Democratic campaign headquarters - near enough to all major world leaders that we shouldn't expect any of them to slip through - especially if they're targeting American officials. [FBI] Freeh: And you're going to handle the disinformation? [SCP] Light: We are. A gas leak at the hotel should hide the grittier details, and our crews will clean up the mess. [FBI] Freeh: Are you even sure your device will work? You talk about these vacuum nullifiers like you've used them before. [SCP] O5-2: It'll work. [FBI] Freeh: Alright. Fuck me, I had hoped we wouldn't have to do this. I'm not going to pretend like we haven't iced public officials before, but on the night they're elected President? This is bold - even for you. And if it doesn't work- [SCP] O5-2: We prepare for doomsday. We're already watching the skies. [FBI] Freeh: This is horrible. [SCP] Light: I know, and we wouldn't if- hang on. [FBI] Freeh: What? [SCP] Light: Do you have your TV on? [FBI] Freeh: Yeah why? (Indistinct shouting in the background) [SCP] Light: Oh my- he's coming back. He's coming back! [SCP] O5-2: What? What do you mean? [SCP] Light: Oh my god! Oh my- oh shit, we're filling the basement of that hotel with gas- gotta go!

As the results in Florida began to swing back towards Governor Bush, Foundation and Bureau agents rushed to the Florida panhandle to ensure the authenticity of those results. At the same time, several agents were dispatched with amnestics to the Democratic campaign headquarters, in the event that SCP-4444 lashed out in an anomalous way.

Doctor Jack Bright, celebrating his victory in the 2000 US Presidential Election.

After two days of recount, with the Florida vote being too close to call, it was determined that George W. Bush had won the election, despite a massive disparity in the popular vote. Despite expectations that there would be some kind of anomalous outburst by SCP-4444 in the wake of the results, neither the entity nor Vice President Gore exhibited any sign of unusual activity throughout the entire affair, with the Vice President eventually conceding defeat after several weeks of legal battle.

In a letter he wrote to George W. Bush shortly after conceding defeat, the Vice President said the following:

I'll admit, George, I really thought I had you there at the end. Sometimes you get in your head the way you think things should be, and you forget that just thinking something doesn't make it real. I wanted this more than anything else in the world for a long time, and would've given just about anything to have it. For a time, I would've thought the stars themselves were behind me. But I recognize the reality of things, George, and I trust that you'll do right by the office and right by this great country. I don't know if I'd do things differently, or if I'd have preferred to not have the alien in my head, but at the end of the day we are who we are and time marches on. You have a long road ahead of you, so I won't take up any more of your time. As for me, I think I'm going to take some time off. Maybe see the world for a while. That cow ad really got me thinking, too - do you know how much greenhouse gas the United States produces? It's unreasonable George, really it is. I hope you address it. I think I'm going to address it, too. Because it's just too much, George. Those goddamn cows really don't know what they're getting into. Yours truly, Al and Garber

Since this statement, Al Gore has not publicly addressed SCP-4444, nor has he publicly displayed any unusual anomalous behaviour. Due to SCP-4444 still being visible under infrared, Mr. Gore has agreed to wear either clothing or an IR blaster that disrupts infrared photography.



Addendum 4444.10: Unidentified Phone Call

On the night of January 19th, 2000, a phone line originally used for undercover Foundation agents to take inquiries concerning the Republican Presidential campaign received a voicemail from an unknown individual. The individual, who has not been identified, made the call from a pay phone in Atlantic City, New Jersey.

Unidentified Voice: Several secretude, ca— question mark?! Clattering noise. Unidentified Voice: Apple legos, am talkpiece hangly on the dangly. Cack! Anyhowitzer, forsoothly this, the electron collage has being fillstuffed from rim-rams to jim-jams, maximillian ballotry from Flori-deer to Flori-dare. Indeedings, Uncle Pointy am are being SEVERAL unwelcomeds, town not bigly sufficient for the bothitude of the me-include. Please am to be deposit exactly lots stranglefruits for services reindeered to das highest bidder, and how! Shrubbery Junior am the crown-snag at lasters, cack! Additional clattering noises for twenty seconds, followed by loud vocalizations. Silence until the line goes dead.

Unexplained Television Ad

The following television advertisement played once on a local television station in the Gainesville, Florida area on November 11th, 2007. SCP-4444 claims to know nothing about the ad, and further investigation into its origins is ongoing.