Sometime in the summer of 2007, Sam Allardyce sat around a big mahogany table and looked at a list of names. On it were such footballing luminaries as Claudio Cacapa, David Rozenhal, Geremi, Mark Viduka, and the artist formerly known as Alan Smith. Seeing the clock was ticking well past 8pm, and deciding that he'd be damned rather than miss another episode of Emmerdale, he puffed out his cheeks, scrumpled the list and tossed it in the bin, and text his assistant the message "yeah, all of them. Whatever".

A week later nine new bodies arrived, and Newcastle United have spent the seven since years adopting a more stringent "one in/one out" policy than a nightclub with no fire exit.

In a shocking turn of events however, and as further proof that 2014 is pretty much the best summer ever, Newcastle have actually started buying players again. And not just lads from Ligue 2 with embarrassing facial hair, but exciting players from across Europe's best leagues with club captaincies, international caps, and ridiculous haircuts on their CV.

The arrivals of Jack Colback, Siem De Jong, Daryl Janmaat, Emmanuel Rivière and Remy Cabella have, for the first time since I could tie my own shoes, presented Newcastle a squad that gives them numerous tactical options, rather than massive holes to fill, and of course, there's young Ayoze Perez waiting in the wings to prove that the faith in his potential is well-placed. With this embarrassment of riches under his control, Alan Pardew - in his infinite wisdom -could set out with any number of gameplans and strategies, but these are probably the most likely...