So, here it is: The best thing to happen to me in my entire 25 years. The most random, funniest and fun thing to happen. It’s a long story, there’s no way to shorten it because I want to make sure I don’t leave out any detail. But, I promise…it’s worth it. Maybe. Possibly. Probably not. Anyways, it started about a week and a half ago. There I was, riding in a car with my mom and 70’ish year old Great Aunt, minding my own business when I received a text from someone who obviously had the wrong number:

No, I had no clue what the “BMCC” was, nor did I care. I was bored and felt like playing along, sue me. (JK, don’t sue me…I’m pooooor)

I thought that would be the end of our texts, because she was bound to figure out that I wasn’t who she thought I was. But no…

Seriously though, the Dolly Parton picture idea was phenomenal. Let’s all agree with that. But I really didn’t think she would think this was a good idea…

I’m glad she thought it was hysterical, because I was LOL’ing as I typed it. I also recommended Salt N Pepa’s “Push It”…push it real good. YouTube sensatioooooons!

But I have a sneaking suspicion that she found it more than “hysterical“. Let’s face it, she was digging my idea…

Now, here’s where it got interesting for me. Once she started talking about outfits and choreography and a sound system, I was like “wtf?! Who am I messing with right now?” So I decided to Google “BMCC in Nashville” and lo and behold, up comes the Belle Meade Country Club. The country club that is well known around the country for being super duper “private”. As in, they don’t enjoy the company of women and black people as members. Whaaaaat?! Yes. Keep in mind, it’s small minded richie’s in Tennessee. So, then I decided that I could keep messing with this person since they’re Belle Meade folk. So I told a little extra fib and said “Hey girl, I’m having a blonde moment, what’s your email address??” And I KNEW she had to have caught on to my lies after that, but no sirs and ma’ams. She text me her email address. SCORE! Now I could Facebook stalk her! But no, she has no Facebook. I did however Google her. Now, I would tell you all what it is, but I don’t want to violate her privacy like that. LOL. Riiiight. But what I will tell you is that she works at Ensworth High School…a $25,000 a year school, full of spoiled kids and kids of a lot of country music singers. And at this point, it was like the heavens opened up and God was like “Ames, you’re poor and can’t afford to fill your gas tank up or go on the Target shopping sprees that your little heart desires. So you have my permission to keep lying to this person.” This person now known as, “Wrong Number Ann“.

Now, the whole time this has been going on, I have been posting stuff about it on Facebook. And everyone was all “Amy, you HAVE to figure out when this party is! You HAVE to find out what kind of party it is!” And I give people what they want. So I had to think of some way to get her to tell me the day and time of the party. Now, I’m supposed to be her friend that is helping throw the party, so I couldn’t very well be “Hey girl…what day is the party on again?!” So I did what I do best, create a super mega lie. So I made up a lame story, along with a fake email address:

Now I KNEW she wouldn’t believe this and would call my bluff. But no, you pretty face friends, instead of her saying “Who the fuck are you?!! Why would you lie about all of this?!” My fake email received a copy of the invitation. Siiiigh. Wrong Number Ann, that’s not too smart!

Ok, so I colored over the names of the real people who are helping throw the party, and put my name instead. But I don’t care, I worked hard on this event. And I’m too nice of a person to post the real one (haha, right), because of the other womens names on it, but here’s a summary of them (all figured out after Googling and Facebook stalking them): They spend a lot of time on vacations and skiing. And a lot of time at fancy social life parties in Nashville. And to top it off, one of the women had purchased a house in 2010 for 2.5 million dollars (thank you Google!!) Way to help us get one step closer to stealing your friends identities, Wrong Number Ann.

Well we text back and forth for a few days, nothing too exciting:

I didn’t really get a box. Shhh.

LOL. Blonde moment.

Nope…I have no clue about cards in a mailbox. Which kinda sucks a nut, because today is the day of the party.

Whoopsies. Hope that dinner turned out ok. I wouldn’t know, because I was busy at my own dinner at a local Mexican restaurant, shout-out to Cancun’s! Anyways, I was busy at Cancun’s with my real life best friend, drinking margarita’s and pulling a Home Alone while working on a game plan.

I know what you’re thinking “That’s pretty much the best plan, in the history of plans”. And you’re right. It was. However, I’m sad to say, that we didn’t get far into it. Here’s how it went down: We did get into the Belle Meade Country Club, spent about 15 minutes looking for the library (location of party), were taking fun pictures while we searched for the room. Now, I went with my best friend, who happens to be a black guy. And like I previously stated, black people aren’t welcomed with open arms there, so we stood out a little extra and we kept being asked what we were doing and if we needed something. We did eventually find the library, and managed to sneak a picture before being terrified by servers and security and running out like little girls.

Ohhh, private party!

Donnie!! Come on!

Entirely too many sophisticated people for us. But no worries, we’re not mad!

In fact, we decided to keep messing with Wrong Number Ann to see if she ever caught on…

Maybe we’ll hear from her soon. Maybe not. All I know is it’s been a fun week and a half texting this stranger and giving dumb ideas and agreeing to do things that I had no intention of doing. And, you’re probably thinking, “Amy that’s not nice!” Fuck you, it is. Because Belle Meade Country Club people aren’t nice and so it’s one of those things that is socially acceptable. And to add to it, everyone said that I wouldn’t have the balls to actually go into the place tonight, and now I’m sitting here Laughing Out Loud and thinking like “98% of y’all are lame and wouldn’t have even walked thru the door. Dweeeeeebs!”, because I really did. Even if only for a 15 minutes, and even if I didn’t meet any of the people at the party. I don’t care, because I still had a damn good time trying. So the moral of this story is, if some crazy person texts you…just play along. Ain’t no shame in that game. You never know how it will end. I’m glad I did! Now the only thing, and I mean only thing, I’m worried about with all of this is…what will my therapist think?!?!

But, all of this excitement has worn me out. I might add more to the story later, or let y’all know if Wrong Number Ann ever responds back to my nagging texts from tonight. We’ll see if she does. Till then, goodnight pals.