ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The nation’s peak rugby union body has announced this morning that they’re on the lookout for a coach who will fix the myriad of cultural, structural and social problems that have plagued the organisation in recent years.

Under-siege Wallabies coach Micheal Cheika was all but guaranteed his job until next year’s World Cup but as he’s not been able to rid Rugby Australia of its issues, Rugby Australia is on the hunt for a coach who will.

“We aren’t confident in Michael’s ability to win the World Cup next year,” said RA head Raelene Castle.

“So he needs to go. We need a coach who will get us to the quarters or semis, where we will be comprehensively dismantled by Ireland or the All Blacks. That will take the pressure off the executive, which is ultimately responsible for the death of the sport over the past 20 years,”

“We’re also looking at getting whoever the new coach is some quality cattle. We’re looking for the next Matt Rogers and Lote. Code jumpers should band-aid the problems for the time being. At the end of the day, if the executives and marketing shit kickers can keep their jobs and get another swirl of the toilet, that’s all that matters,”

“And all this needs to happen in 11 months.”

The Advocate reached out to the Players Association for comment but all were too afraid Hoops would find out.

More to come.