BlackBerry just shipped a new phone that almost nobody has tried. But lots of people already have an opinion about it! Some people think it is great! Others are already making fun of it! That’s pretty typical behavior. People love to fight and fight about phone platforms; to toss around the term fanboi and other insults and invective. People love to lob polemic after polemic in the most boring argument since Mac vs. Windows ever.

Do you like Android? You should, it’s amazing. iOS? Wow, what a great platform, no wonder it started a revolution. Windows Phone? Seriously, it’s got a remarkable and beautiful interface. BlackBerry? There are plenty of great reasons people love it. And no matter which platform you adore, it’s shockingly possible to both have a preference and respect that other people may prefer an entirely different device. I know. Totally weird. But true.

Or, you can just call anyone who expresses a contrary opinion a jerk, or a fanboi, or butthurt, some other un-clever and deeply unoriginal pejorative that ends with the suffix “tard” and ultimately makes you look dumber than the person you’re trying, vainly, to insult.

The phone wars, the platform wars, should be left to people who work for Apple and Samsung and Google and Microsoft and Nokia and BlackBerry. Do you work for Apple? Do you work for Samsung? No? Then shut up.

Nobody cares what kind of smartphone you believe in. It’s not a religion. It’s not your local sports team even. Stop being a soldier. You are not a soldier. You are just wrong. Shut up. You there, with the blog, in the comments, in the pages of the newspaper or the magazine or on Twitter or Facebook. Whatever your opinion is, as soon as you employ it in partisan fashion, it’s deeply and profoundly wrong. Just by sharing it, you are wrong. And nobody cares. Except for the people who do. And they are wrong too. Myself included.

“But, but, but,” I hear you stammering like some sort of horrible person who has mistaken a code base for a system of moral beliefs, “the screen is too big and not big enough.” No. You’re wrong. It’s just right. It’s just right for whoever is holding it, unless it’s not, in which case they’ll decide that it is wrong on their own and get a different one. And then they’ll be right, while you’ll still be wrong.

Here’s the thing: Every phone can be right, for the right reasons. Every platform can be wonderful. (Do you know how easy it would be to make a BlackBerry joke right here? Do you? I’ve got the joke right here in my pocket. You sense it even. You’re dying to make it yourself. Go ahead. This one time. Just do it. Whisper it. I’m listening.) Here’s the thing. That Blackberry Z10? It’s right for someone, somewhere. It really is. There’s someone out there who will take that phone home and love it. Just completely love it. Not in a romantic, or sexual way. (I hope.) But nonetheless, love.

And he (and it will almost certainly be a he) will be right to love that hunk of metal and glass. Completely and totally right. All the way up until he goes online to fight over phones, at which point he becomes completely wrong. Because, again, nobody cares what kind of smartphone you believe in. You are wrong. So go ahead. Take to the comments and call me a jerk and a fool and a butthurt fanboi. But it’s okay. I know I’m right about this.