Bobby Parnell hates sandwiches.

This unfortunate fact came to light during an intrasquad scrimmage at the beginning of last year’s training camp. On March 3rd, Parnell came upon 22-year-old Noah Syndergaard eating a sandwich in the Port St. Lucie clubhouse, instead of cheering on his teammates from the dugout. The sight of this apparently horrifying act prompted the bearded righty into an unquenchable rage.

While team captain and infallible superstar, David Wright, engaged in polite discussion with the Norse god of pitching about the merits of sandwich consumption versus team unity, Parnell waged battle against the sandwich in question. The once-closer, recovering from Tommy John surgery, emphatically slammed Syndergaard’s lunch into the garbage, claiming a small victory in the one-man war against sandwiches everywhere.

Some details of Sandwichgateghazi may have been embellished above, but the deep hatred Bobby Parnell has toward sandwiches is very real. There is no other explanation. It is impossible to believe that Parnell would feel animosity to Syndergaard. He is simply too handsome and too good at baseball to dislike. Also he seems like a chill dude.

Equally as ridiculous is the insinuation that Parnell was on some kind of place-putting, unwritten rules-enforcing power trip. This was the narrative that emerged in the immediate aftermath of the hoagie harassment, but it is too ridiculous of a scenario to even imagine.

Instead, it is clear: Bobby Parnell hates sandwiches.

So a dilemma arises. Can a baseball team morally justify employing a man who hates sandwiches?

The Tigers seemed to briefly think so, but they released Parnell before the end of spring training. No sandwich-related incidents were reported by the Detroit press.

Except for the Yankees, every team in baseball can use bullpen help. Including the Mets. Parnell comes with moderate upside and a cheap price tag. He will be two years removed from his Tommy John surgery in April and his fastball velocity is said to back in the mid-90s. While he may never again be "Captain Fastball" and hit triple digits consistently, he could provide serviceable depth at the back end of the Mets bullpen or down at AAA. He essentially has four pitches, including a knuckle-curve, and is only 31.

Ignoring Parnell’s politics, as is proper when evaluating athletes, it is conceivable a spot at Las Vegas would be prudent for the Mets. Currently, their bullpen is precariously vulnerable to injury or ineffectiveness (knock on every wood surface in a five foot radius).

Adam Rubin, noted lobbyist and Mets beat reporter for ESPN, projects Addison Reed to setup ninth innings for closer Jeurys Familia and Sean Gilmartin will beat out Logan Verrett for the final spot of the bullpen. Jerry Blevins, Antonio Bastardo, and Hansel Robles will fill in the rest, according to Terry Collins. Not the most secure bullpen, but enough quality arms to keep the Mets in games between their brilliant starters and Familia.

Jim Henderson, the 33-year-old reclamation project on a minor league deal, and Erik Goeddel, who strained a back muscle at the beginning of Spring Training, will provide relief depth at AAA. One will likely get pulled up after the first week of the season or so, as Collins juggles jilted scheduling and player suspensions. After that, the pipeline gets curiouser and curiouser.

Rehabbing players, struggling prospects, and decreased starter depth make Parnell appealing at this point. Josh Edgin won’t be available until May. Rafael Montero’s ability to play baseball is still being searched for. Akeel Morris is likely a contributor at some point this season, but his only pitching done above AA was an emergency appearance with big league team in June. Zach Wheeler is not set to return until July. If need be, Verrett is the sixth starter, but there is no clear seventh. While the major league pitching talent is exceptional for the New York Metropolitans, the quad-A pitching tier is thinner than it has been the past few years.

Bobby Parnell version 2009 through v. 2013 was a good baseball player. Sure, we learned from v. 2015 that Parnell hates sandwiches, but all that hubbub was not even Jay Horowitz and the Mets PR department’s biggest crisis of March 3rd, 2015. If Parnell can redevelop his command, which he has struggled with this spring (8 BB, 3 WP in 9.1 IP), his arm strength 24 months removed from surgery could prove to be an asset.

Anthony Fenech, Tigers beat reporter for the Detroit Free Press, reported that Parnell was hitting mid-90s on his fastball last week. And while the Tigers did cut Parnell, Manager Brad Ausmus expressed interest in bringing him back. The Detroit bullpen is weak and Parnell has performed well this spring, bar one stat-inflating appearance.

Excluding the third of an inning Parnell allowed five hits and five runs in on March 22nd, he has allowed ten hits and four runs over 9 innings this spring. Not brilliant, but not horrific either. He allowed one homerun in the disastrous appearance, but has otherwise kept the ball on the ground. He also struck out eight. Give him a few weeks with Frank Viola out in Vegas and Parnell could provide a nice buffer between the major league bullpen and not-yet-ready prospects, like Montero and Morris.

If AAAA pitching depth and seventh starters are the Mets biggest concerns, 2016 will be a good year. However, no Mets fan will rest until all concerns are addressed and adding Parnell back into the fold can address at least one. Another complaint from the fanbase will immediately replace it, but such is the way of the Mets and their loyally critical supporters.

The word "if" was used a lot in this piece. The word "sandwich" was used more. I saw that Parnell had been cut and was intrigued by the idea of bringing him back. I also was shocked that the infamous sandwich annihilation had not been recreated in MSPaint form. I believe Captain Fastball and his mighty beard would be a nice fit for the Mets at such a cheap price, but the season will not be lost if he rejoins the Tigers, signs with a yet identified third team, or starts firebombing Subway franchises. Perhaps Parnell would prefer to retire or not relocate to Las Vegas.

Instead, the most important question left unanswered is this: What does Bobby Parnell think of hot dogs?