So you could work through the nasty comments on the dating site and see if your luck changes. Or you could find a site that caters to those in open relationships. Either way, I worry a bit. Sexual desire can addle the brain; even if your wife genuinely accepts the opening of your relationship, you don’t actually know where an affair might lead. This may be an argument for the sin of Onan, where there’s only yourself to fall in love with.

An extended family member posted very private information about me on a social media platform under the guise of honoring me. I do not value this person, whose past actions reveal the character flaws that would lead someone to do such a thing. I do, however, value the person’s family.

I am a very private person who only uses social media to observe what is happening in the lives of close friends and family. I never post anything about my private life. The shock of this invasion caused me to close my account immediately, but many people did see the post and commented on it. One person who saw the post and then the disappearance of my account contacted a close family member to inquire about it. Although this has caused me great anguish and embarrassment, I have not yet confronted the individual. My immediate family believes it demands a response, but I feel incapable of responding in an evenhanded way. Still, I want to make clear that this person crossed a line. Name Withheld



This is all a little indirect and abstract; you clearly find writing about this affront exquisitely painful. But the standard contemporary way of putting what I think you are talking about is to say that someone “outed” you. The word originally referred to the exposure of someone as gay or lesbian, but now people speak of the outing of any of a host of identities or circumstances that a person may have a reason to keep private.

Norms against outing are rightly strong. (There isn’t an absolute ban, but there have to be compelling reasons to out someone.) And if you want to do something to honor someone, you should reflect on whether he or she is likely to be pleased by what you’re doing. Your relation got at least two things seriously wrong, then, and you’re entitled to resent what this person has done. Letting the person know that you resent it might be better than seething in private. But if you can’t bring yourself to do so directly, you can surely ask someone in the family to make your feelings clear. (And if you return to the world of social media, you can block him or her.)