By Sylvia Jeffreys 2 days ago

Human interactions on airplanes provide endless fodder for analysts of social behaviour. The unwritten rules regarding arm rest allocation and acceptable degrees of seat recline drive fierce debate because space deprivation can expose the very best and the very worst in people.

This was recently highlighted by a viral video of a man struggling to squeeze his small bag into an overhead cabin. After several failed attempts, a flight attendant helpfully pointed out that it could easily slot into the available space when flipped onto its side.

We've all been there. The panic is real. The rush to find your seat; anxiety inducing. So for a fellow passenger to sit back and film his frustration without offering support is, in my opinion, tragic.



Where is the love? Well, it’s out there, and I happened to be on the receiving end of a random act of aeroplane kindness last week.

As the seatbelt light flicked off and I stood up to reach for my bag in the overhead locker, a man who’d been sitting across the aisle beat me to it. He stretched out his arms to pull the mini suitcase down and passed it over to me with a generous smile.

Nothing unusual about that, right? Wrong. Here’s the unusual part: for a weird, fleeting moment, that man’s chivalrous act sent me down a strange rabbit hole of self-reflection.

'Should I feel patronised?' I asked myself. I was a few centimetres taller than him and I have really long arms - I could have reached that bag. But I appreciated his help. I liked his support. Is that bad? Did I just enforce a gender stereotype by playing the role of “damsel in distress”? Is chivalry all of a sudden… sexist?

I was one wild thought away from humbly handing in my “Feminist” badge at the exit when I snapped back to reality.

LISTEN: The Life Bites podcast on the importance of feminism and women having one another's backs. (Post continues.)

Chivalry is not sexist. Not even close. Chivalry is respect, kindness and support, and at its very essence you’ll find no trace of the patriarchy.

Yes, chivalry is a man opening a door for a woman, but it’s also a young girl offering her bus seat to an elderly man. It’s a teenage boy standing up for his mate when he’s bullied. It’s a colleague offering to drive you home in the rain, and it’s a fellow plane passenger helping you with your luggage.

It is R.E.S.P.E.C.T and, frankly, we need more of it.

RELATED: How do we end violence against women?

But in this era of heightened equality, our eyes are wide open, more than ever, to gender stereotypes. Power dynamics are shifting. Workplace behaviour is changing. And as we navigate new perspectives and different boundaries, some of us (my hand is in the air) are falling into the trap of occasionally, ever-so-slightly, overthinking feminism.

Feminism is, as it always has been, about choice and equality, and those of us who adhere to the cause must stay the course and focus on the big picture. And the big picture is inescapable, unavoidable, right before our eyes.

Here it is in a tweet from

Women's Agenda

editor Georgie Dent, which went viral this week. Three of the four top headlines relate to women who are believed to have been murdered by their husbands:

The big picture was highlighted by Angela Williamson, who was sacked by Cricket Australia for standing up for women’s rights.

She used Twitter to fight for abortion reform in Tasmania, where women are forced to travel interstate to access a safe clinic, and that cost her her job.

The big picture was disturbingly obvious in this report about a Queensland police officer who gave the confidential address of a woman and her children to her ex-partner, who was convicted of domestic violence. The male officer did not lose his job. The woman and her children are in hiding.

WATCH: Angela Williamson speaks to Sylvia Jeffreys about her sacking from Cricket Australia. (Post continues.)





And right now, as I write this, news of another “serious domestic violence incident” is filtering through my Twitter feed from Mango Hill in Brisbane. A woman in her seventies is dead. A man in his forties has self-inflicted injuries.



These are the issues that deserve to consume our thoughts and should spur us to act.

We may be daunted by the big picture. We can’t solve every issue all at once. But if we want to live in a kinder, more respectful society, a little bit of chivalry is a very good place to start.