This is the short story of Peter. Peter works in IT for a big company.

Brilliant. It’s the best night of the year. The Christmas party is here and I can get completely rat-arsed on the companies money and be the life and soul of the party. I’ve got my snazzy jacket on. Now’s the chance for me to cop off with Susan. It’s going well, she loved my story about how Steve (the massive loser) from Accounts got stood up last night. Oh no, who’s this? Some guy has just come over and said he’s a magician. Why have they hired a bloody magician? He’ll be crap. Oh god, he’s good. She’s enjoying it! What a douche. Actually, that was quite amazing but I don’t want to show that I’m impressed. I better move fast…

“hey mate, why don’t you disappear?”

“I seen that one before, my mate can do that”

“look, it’s Dynamo. Can you walk on water?”

“ey… can you saw her in half?”

“where’s your rabbit?”

“it’s up your sleeve…. it’s in your other hand ….well, it’s probably in your pocket then”

“can you produce a coin from behind my ear”

“what’s your real job?”

“OK, what am I thinking now?”

This is ridiculous. Non of this is working. Cheeky bugger has an answer for everything. How is he doing that? He can’t have heard of of this stuff before. It’s gold. I’m being hilarious. Everyone else has crowded round now. They are all loving it but this guy is stealing my limelight. Who does he think he is? Must try harder…

“can you levitate like Paul McKenna?”

“can you walk through that window?”

“where did you go to school? Hogwarts?”

“you can borrow my ring mate – let me just bend over for you”

“if I give you a fiver can you turn it in to a fifty?”

That’s annoying. David is now chatting to Susan. David loves magic. He was freaking out like a kid. Why doesn’t she prefer me? I was the best one. I was funnier than the magician. Thank god he’s gone. They are still talking about him. Aw no, they are asking him to come back and show some more. I’m gonna leave them to it. Oooo look, a photocopier – just thought of a brilliant idea – I bet no one has ever done this before…

The End

NB Peter is a completely fictitious character. Almost.

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