Photo: Scott Audette

I skipped the Awesome Index last week. There was nothing awesome going on. I tried to think of some, but then I had to wade through the internet’s putrid pools of pissypants to find any. Rather than do something insincere or making it the “awful index” for a week, I decided to take a week off. I’m glad I did. In the seven days since then, we’ve been inundated with Awesome.

The Caps are riding a three-game winning streak, all of it on the road, formerly ice cold players are denting the net, and one guy in particular is looking really good out there. And not just because he’s handsome. I’m talking about Brooks Laich, but before we get to him, we’ve got some other awesomeness to go over.

Not Ranked: My New Winter Classic Hat

You are so very warm, new hat. I like your fleece lining. Even better: your colors aren’t the retina-melting red that the Caps use on most of their official gear. Plus you don’t have a pom on you, which is good because poms look atrocious and so does everyone who wears a stupid pommed hat. Why do those people need a ball hanging off their heads anyway?

Anyway, thanks for being a hat. You’re an awesome hat. Go Caps.

4. A Team’s Record When Someone Scores

Last season, most teams scored between an average of 2.5 and 3 goals per game and allowed about the same. Hockey has been designed to be super close– most games are decided by one goal.

So if we drop a stat like “The Capitals are 8-1-1 when Matt Bradley scores,” we’re not really saying much. That statement says more about the nature of the game than the clutch nature of Matt Bradley, who, for the record, was clutch as fudge. All we’ve really said is that the Caps are more likely to win a game win they’ve scored at least one goal, which, duh.

3. This Ovi Card

What is with Ovi’s face on this 2007-08 Upper Deck “NHL’s Best” card?

P.S. nothing says “sophisticated” like foil on top of wood grain! Only one dollar on eBay! Awesome deal.

2. Bookend Goals from Alex Ovechkin

A hockey game lasts 3600 seconds in rego. In Tampa, Alex Ovechkin scored in second 40 and again in second 3599. The game was like a hot dog sandwich, an all-meat kosher weiner nestled snuggly inside Ovi’s warm bun. It was my favorite game of the season, probably, and it also marked an accomplishment that we haven’t seen in over a decade.

Via me via Mike Vogel via Elias:

Elias Sports Bureau: Ovechkin’s span of 3559 seconds between goals was longest in NHL since Michael Handzus on 1/23/2002. #Caps — Mike Vogel (@VogsCaps) December 10, 2014

Awesome.

1. Brooks Laich

Okay, I was wrong about the Iron Man thing, but since Brooks Laich has been back, he’s been stellar. He scored three goals on nine shots in the last week, an every one was important. Laich’s line with Eric Fehr and Joel Ward has been one of my favorites despite the understandable and justified reputations some of those players have. And while Laich isn’t exactly a puck-moving dynamo, his fundamentals are sound and he works hard enough to get some fancy moves sometimes.

And it’s always good to remember this: Before his freak injury with the Kloten Flyers during the lockout, Laich played all but three games over five seasons– an awesome 99-percent attendance rate. That’s the kind of guy you want in your middle six. He’s back now. I hope.

Bonus: Five Years of RMNB

RMNB published its first article five years ago today. We had a lot to learn; we were credulous and boisterous and powered more by passion than by reason, but we went for it, full freakin’ bore. We did everything ourselves, DIY as per our home’s punk-rock ethos. We grew up publicly. Our mistakes and victories, our growing pains and our heartbreaks, they were all out there for everyone to see. We did a lot of growing up and changing in those years.

And maybe I’m wrong to use the past tense here. We’re still growing and changing. I still haven’t fixed that Mathieu Perreault typo in my very first article.

I don’t know what our next five years will be like, but I resolve to make them as fun as the first five. Everything we do– from the stats to the jokes to the interviews to the news– is informed and pervaded by our love for the game and the people in it and around it. Ian likes to say that RMNB is a way of giving back to a community that has given us so much, and he’s 100 percent right on that.

So thank you for the first five. Fewer typos in the next five, pormise.