2477868_sd_me_ryland_event_NL Sunday, August 21, 2016 San Diego, CA Photo by Nancee E. Lewis / Nancee Lewis Photography Hillary Whittington, mother of Ryland Whittington, 8, (right) a transgender child, signed books after she talked about their family’s difficult and sometimes painful journey during a presentation, book signing and complementary brunch at Foothills United Methodist Church in La Mesa. © Nancee E. Lewis / Nancee Lewis Photography. No other reproduction allow with out consent of licensor. Permission for advertising reproduction required.

It was not an overnight decision, Hillary Whittington said pointedly of her and her husband’s choice to support their 5-year-old in his transition from girl to boy.

As early as 2, Ryland began making it clear he knew who he was, said Whittington, who recently penned a book about the family’s journey called “Raising Ryland: Our story of parenting a transgender child with no strings attached.”

People who are transgender have a gender identity that differs from the sex they were assigned at birth. The Whittington family, who live in Mount Helix, first shared Ryland’s story in a 7-minute YouTube video that gained national attention in 2014.


At a book signing at La Mesa’s Foothills United Methodist Church on Sunday, Whittington shared some of the many moments that led her and her husband to eventually accept their child was transgender.

There was the tutu-wearing leopard costume that he absolutely hated. She said Ryland would hide in the closet and put on his dad’s clothes. When she found him, he would say, “Please don’t tell anyone that I’m a boy.”

Ryland would throw temper tantrums whenever his parents forced him to wear dresses or skirts, and self-portraits were always male, featuring shirts and ties and short hair. He hated wearing girl bathing suits, eating on pink plates or drinking out of pink cups.

“He was trying to assert himself so much that he was our son,” she said to a crowd of about 100 people. “This little kid was doing everything in his power to tell us something wasn’t quite right. It was all these little things that added up over time that made me realize.”


It wasn’t until Ryland was 5 that Whittington fully accepted what her child already knew.

It was Christmastime, and Ryland stumbled on some holiday cards. In the corner of the card was a return address sticker, featuring cartoon versions of each family member. Ryland’s character was a little girl with long, blonde hair.

“He looked at the picture and said, ‘Mom, how could you do that to me! You made me look like a girl!’”

Later that night, he asked his mom, “When the family dies, can I cut my hair so I can be a boy?” He cried himself to sleep, with his mother’s arms around him.


In the morning, he asked, “Why did God make me like this?”

“I had to do something,” Whittington said tearfully.

Jeff, Ryland’s dad, was much more skeptical than his wife. He was in denial, he said Sunday. He and Hillary come from very conservative backgrounds, he explained. He wanted nothing to do with it.

“But when I finally stepped back and saw the pain and anguish in my kid’s eyes ... it comes to point where you realize your kid’s happiness is more important than being stubborn and what people think,” he said.


In time, both parents embraced Ryland for who he was. They read everything they could get their hands on about being transgender. They talked with specially trained therapists. They had sitdowns with Ryland’s school. One day, Jeff asked Ryland if he wanted to get his haircut. He was elated.

“It’s really easy for people to go, ‘Ah, tomboy’ or ‘Big deal, I was like that,’ but it was so much more,” Jeff said. “I hope people see that this wasn’t a phase. That we didn’t make this rash decision. That it came with a lot of pain, anguish, research over the course of years.”

On Sunday, with his hair cropped short, Ryland, 8, looked at his mom, smiling. He was wearing a plaid shirt and a shark-tooth necklace around his neck. Jeff said after they embraced their son’s transition, he changed overnight. He was happy.

“This is how he was born,” Hillary said to the crowd. “I’m hoping by being public and sharing our story, that we can open people’s minds to see that this is OK. We are your normal family.”