Dear Xbox,

I'm so sorry you have to find this out in a letter, but after everything we've been through, I just couldn't handle doing it face to face. I won't beat around the bush or lead you on ... it's over. I would tell you that I'm sorry, but the harsh truth is, I'm not. And I won't give you some corny excuse, like "It's not you -- it's me," because the even harsher truth is that it is you.

You're just not the same console I fell in love with. You've changed, and it's not for the better. Lately, you've been strutting around, bragging to your friends that I'll buy into your changes no matter what, and if I don't, then I can just fuck right off. It's extremely disrespectful and, to be perfectly frank, insulting. You aren't the magical God's gift to gamers that you think you are, and I think it's high time I put my foot down and showed you that I have some uncrossable boundaries.

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"I'm sorry, but I can't let you do that, babe."

I can't take your rampant jealousy anymore. The night you came home drunk and bellowed out so that the whole neighborhood could hear you that you would be installing a camera in the house to see and hear everything I do and say ... it was beyond embarrassing. When you were asleep the next day, everyone on the block came over to find out if what you said was true, and I couldn't even begin to defend you. They couldn't believe you gave me that kind of bizarre ultimatum -- that if I wanted to be with you, I had to accept and welcome your spying and total distrust.

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And don't think I've forgotten about your other jealous outbursts and attempts to lock me down. It was only a few weeks ago that you were demanding that I call you once per day while you were at work to make sure I wasn't cheating on you. And if I had a friend visiting, you wanted me to call you once every hour to make sure I wasn't letting every person in the neighborhood press my buttons. You said if you didn't receive that call, you'd just kill yourself. What the hell?! It was beyond ridiculous. And yes, I am well aware that you finally came to your senses and took it back, but the damage had already been done.