Earth Day is today, apparently, and I’m honestly getting sick of this nonsense. The only reason why Earth Day is still even a thing in 2018 is because we need a Hallmark holiday to remind ourselves to not be complete pieces of shit about our Earth.

So, y’know what? I’m done pandering. From now on, environmentalism is ONLY big action. Environmentalism is ONLY drastic change. We are NOT saving the world by putting our paper and glass in different colored bins. How we will change things is by doing something big.

I want everyone who is reading this to go outside, flip their car, and burn it. Right now. Dispose of your filthy vehicle. And DO NOT just “sell it.” That thought process is problematic as hell. Would you “just sell” a barrel of radioactive material? No. You’d flip that shit in your driveway and burn it to make sure it’s gone for good.

The whole idea of buying and selling cars makes me feel dirty. I mean, who actually does that?! It’s so perverse and slimy but we all just do it so casually. Would you buy and sell a human? It’s basically the same thing. Except it’s worse because cars are actively destroying the Earth, killing our children, and prolonging wars in the Middle East.

I’m not saying anything too wild here. I need every car in the United States DESTROYED by midnight. And don’t think simply pushing it off a bridge will do. That shit will be salvaged and sold off to third world countries where they know less and they’ll hurt the environment even more. Total it. Starting April 23, NOBODY should have a car. That is how change is made. All at once.

If I see even one car on the highway tomorrow while I’m on my commute to work (Sorry but I CANNOT destroy my car as it’s the only mode of transportation and I’m actually going through a hard time right and need this job, but I am pledging to recycle starting next week to do my part!), I’m going to scream. I literally can’t handle all of you fakes.