-The One Barrier that causes all Communication Breakdown–

Ever struggled to communicate with someone? Have you clearly communicated a point only to have it misunderstood and taken out of context? Does there seem to be a gap in the communication and understanding with your family members? Peers at work? Ever talked to someone only to have the meaning misconstrued in their head which resulted in an emotional panic? There is only one reason communication breaks down time and again. I want to pass along to you this one insight that will enable you to clear the hurdles of communication so that your words make sense and all who are listening can walk away with clear understanding.

The one key to clear and concise communication is understanding the concepts of SELF-AWARENESS (see author David Hawkins book “Transcending the Levels of Consciousness” for further descriptions of consciousness/awareness). Before I explain how Self-Awareness clears up communication issues, I need to present a clear understanding of Self-Awareness.

I define awareness as the ability to be objectively conscious of yourself, where you are in your life and how you relate to the world around you. To be mindful and conscious of one’s thoughts and actions and the impact on others. “Humans have the remarkable, and perhaps unique ability to think about our own thoughts. This strange loop allows us to become aware of our self, to plan for the future, reflect and ruminate about the past, think about our selves as separate from others, imagine the thoughts of others, project our experiences into the minds of others, and judge our own actions. Self-awareness provides us the unique ability to control ourselves intentionally by imagining ourselves in the future and talk to ourselves about options for our future.”

Self-Awareness is a journey that takes us through several stages during our lives. As we develop mentally and rationally we acquire intimate knowledge of ourselves and others. Our emotions become disciplined responders instead of out of control initiators. We learn to judge our own thoughts and actions instead of other people’s. We take responsibility for our choices and leave others to theirs. We change from seeking our own interest to seeking the highest in others. We become more forgiving, understanding, long-suffering and stable minded. This journey takes us through several levels of consciousness. A person of high self-awareness will often be sought out for counsel and hear things such as, “you’re so smart’ or “how did you learn this about life” and so on. You will be in a position to help others progress in their pursuit of a quality life. It is a gift of knowledge and should be freely given to others.

Now, how does awareness effect our communication with others? As we travel through stages of awareness (consciousness), we must understand that perhaps 1 out of 1,000 people will ever make the same journey. The line in the sand between awareness and narcissism can be observed in these two ways: (1) Self-aware people embrace life, they see it as a challenge to grow. Life excites them and they see life’s problems as obstacles to a greater freedom. Opportunity is not a catch word, but a worldview. Personal growth and development is a way of life. (2) Self-absorbed (narcissist / ego) people live only for themselves. They have a fatalistic worldview. They see life as troubled, defeating and overwhelming. Their lives are perpetuated by the victim mentality, that life and others are their main problem. They consistently judge others shortcomings or actions as a personal insult. The blame game is a constant for them. It is never their fault. Personal responsibility for choices does not exist in their frame of reference. One challenging problem here is that these people can often be kind and considerate, but on the inside they are tormented by guilt, shame and sub-consciously project that turmoil unto others. They are focused only on what life and others can do for or give to them. A self-aware person needs to understand that this is not a conscious choice of life for them. It is all they know. It is learned behavior that can be changed.

So as we communicate with others we must understand that if you are a person of high awareness, you will rarely come across someone of your level of your consciousness. Your level of communication is reflected by your level of awareness in life. Your communication with those below your level will often be misconstrued, confusing and at times make people angry towards you. You will probably find things that people want to talk about boring and a seemingly waste of your time. This is not because you do not care, but to the fact that you live on another level of consciousness or awareness. You may find you live several levels above other people you work with, your friends and even close family members.

The best example of this is the communication between an adult and child. As any adult will confirm, it is a struggle to communicate with a very young child. The problem is that the child lives with a very narrow consciousness and awareness. They simply cannot, at this time in their life, understand your level of awareness, experience and knowledge about life. The only way to successfully communicate with a young child is to bring down your level of communication to their level of understanding. This is the same when communicating with others not on your level of awareness. Though people are in various levels of adulthood and regardless of age, many never develop emotionally or mentally above a child or teenager. They still throw temper tantrums, get mad when they do not get their way and see life as an endless series of obstacles to their challenging life. Just as a child is only interested in their world, their needs and what they have to say, so it is with many adults we deal with.

So, how do we bridge this gap of communication?

1. Learn to recognize where people are in their levels of awareness or consciousness. This takes practice, but as you develop in your own awareness, you will see clearly and rather quickly exactly where people live in respect to their own self-awareness. Take the time to seek to understand. People with developed awareness will already be practicing this as a lifestyle.

2. Once you understand their level, you have two choices. (1) Come down to their level of communication and understanding and work with them to raise their awareness through seeking to understand them at their level, not yours. (2) Accept that the communication / awareness gap is too large and the interaction needs to end, not due to your inability, but due to theirs as your communication will trouble them deeply as they consistently fail to understand you. This is why I have ended many relationships throughout my life. I had to make hard decisions about friends and family that I just could not relate to on any level due to their unwillingness to progress in life. In the same thought, I have had to manage several business/family relationships with others that live many levels below me. It is a struggle at times, but I CHOOSE to stay in the relationships and I communicate with them on their level of understanding.

As your path of awareness develops, you will continue to struggle relating to people. You will find that you relate to a select few. You will often find solace in thinkers of the past and in your own contemplations. It can be a lonely life, but one set with purpose. That purpose is to raise the awareness/ consciousness of others around you. As you do you will find it easier to communicate with people. However, you will find yourself always having to adjust your communication to help ease clear communication.