It is sad that the closest I will ever get to being close to human is when I am thoroughly intoxicated.

I do not care for people elsewhere. I do not think twice of killings. I do not care that people are being hurt or are starving. But I guess that is what you have to suffer with when you have a mind like mine. You know that you should care, but you can’t.

Alcohol is beautiful. It brings me the clarity. It brings me the once in… a half monthly chance to see the world for what it is. For the horrible demise of people who do not deserve it.

There is no god, so I have to make what I can of this world better than what I came into it as, if that makes any sense. I will make it better for my fore bearers I will ensure that my forefathers will be proud in the knowledge that their seed did not go unhindered into the world in an attempt to make the planet a better place.

I hope I can keep this introspection up, because when I sober up, it will all go away. I will melt into a useless, unforgiving form that does not care for suffering.

I don’t want my loved ones to go to war. I go not want them to leave me. But now there is not going to be much choice. Maybe I should just leave. It would make things so much easier.