‘Not Much Longer, My Pets’


OAKWOOD, OH—Tenderly cooing as she basked in the comforting sight of snowman, Santa, and Christmas tree patterns, local mother Melissa Weaver surrounded herself with a dozen rolls of wrapping paper to softly stroke, sources confirmed Friday. “Yes, my darlings, the time is near,” said Weaver, gently running her fingers through strands of red, green, and silver ribbon. “It won’t be long now. Patience, little ones, patience.” Weaver then reportedly gave a light kiss to one of her large fabric bows before returning her supplies to the closet and quietly shutting the door.