Today, I’m thanking my lucky stars. I get to avoid ugly, divisive referendums in two countries.

Scotland’s IndyRef in 2014 – held while I was living in Edinburgh – was quite enough for me, thanks.

On one level, my residence in Sydney meant the worst of Brexit passed me by, while I’ll be in London for what will no doubt be a toxic marriage equality plebiscite in Australia later this year.

That plebiscite, of course, presumes a Coalition win.

This is why, to the extent I’m able, I want to persuade you to vote Labor in the House of Representatives tomorrow. Bill Shorten has promised that marriage equality will be first on the agenda when parliament reconvenes, should a Labor government be elected. That means a parliamentary vote. Just the House, mind – if you can’t bring yourself to vote Labor in the Senate, there are other options available.

In suggesting this, I assure you I’m no Labor shill. I used to be Senator David Leyonhjelm’s senior adviser. I’m a classical liberal. I think Australia has a troubled future in store if it doesn’t address its spiralling debt. I voted “Leave” in the EU referendum and “Yes” to Scottish independence.

However, while I avoided the appalling mendacity and sheer nastiness of both “Leave” and “Remain” campaigns in a physical sense – no one came knocking on my door – I got to watch, helplessly, as my English and Scottish friends tore each other apart, both before and after the vote.

If anything, the fallout since last Thursday has been worse. Racist abuse on public transport, directed at remain voters; this has been coupled with public calls for everyone over 50 to be deprived of the franchise, directed at leave voters. The UK is so geographically divided between leave and remain it’s clear there are “leavers” who know no “remainers”, and “remainers” who know no “leavers”.

Referendums and plebiscites – votes of “all the people” – bring out the worst in polities, thanks to their finality. I’m confident (and not in a good way) when I say Australia’s marriage equality plebiscite will be every bit as awful as the EU referendum. It may even be worse.

Unlike normal elections or football, there is no consolation for the loser, no “but there’s always next time”. If the Wanderers go down to Sydney FC in the derby I have the solace of saying, “next season”.

After working for a politician for two years – one regularly subject to death threats – I’ve formed the view the number of loose units in the population is rather higher than we commonly think. The murder of Jo Cox focused attention on the toxic nature of the Brexit debate. If we think we’re immune to a similar event in Australia, we’re deluding ourselves. There have been occasions when I suspected someone would take a pop at Senator Leyonhjelm, or even at me.

Penny Wong has said she does not doubt the “good sense” of the Australian people when it comes to the plebiscite’s outcome. I hope she’s right.

I’m reminded why I prefer Westminster to other democratic systems. Westminster is a system of representative government. I elect my MP to do a job: he (my local member is male) is there to make law. If he constantly comes back to me and says “but what do you think about x?”, I find myself ever so tempted to respond, “you have one job; please go and do it now”.

This insight forms the core of Edmund Burke’s famed Speech to the Electors of Bristol. Voters, as Burke says, choose their MP. “But,” Burke adds, “when they have chosen him, he is not member of Bristol, but he is a member of Parliament.”

And it is parliament’s role to deliberate on behalf of the whole.

This is why political parties have election manifestos. Proposed laws are supposed to be in there; we vote on those, not on how often politicians decide to come back and pick at some electoral scab or another using what passes for direct democracy.

In making this plea for a Labor vote, I do have an interest.

I am queer. I’m also aware that LGBTI people make up about 10% of the population, and that voting on other people’s rights is popular. There’s a reason why people clamour for plebiscites on this or that issue. With that in mind, then, if I cannot garner your sympathy, let me appeal instead to your patriotism.

Look at the UK. Look at what Brexit has wrought. If you don’t mind doing this to me, then I beg you to mind before doing it to your country.