Okay, there comes a time in a man’s life when he needs to put his foot down and speak his true thoughts. He must raise a fist in the air and staunchly defend that which he holds so true. He must take up arms, be it in this case at the keyboard of his computer, to speak out boldly, and hold fast to his ideals. So I am going to take this time to express my honest feelings regarding Paris Hilton’s return to music as of today. The hotel heiress, who doubles as a resident Ibiza DJ, a title which used to hold an air of prestige, has dropped her lead single from her upcoming sophomore album; a pop-saturated, floozy track that is covered in glitter and serves as the perfect way to make anyone’s ears bleed relentlessly.

Okay, that was mean. Really though the single titled, “Good Time” is your typical 2013 electro-pop, party primed, bouncy dance track. It showcases Paris’ unparalleled skills as one of today’s most cutting edge lyricists, as she sensually rolls around in sequins and sings about how many fucks she doesn’t give, and party rocking and what have you. The pop element is then exponentially multiplied as Afrojack is listed as producer, shockingly, and Lil’ Wayne lends a hand too, dropping the most typical Tunechi verse over Afrojack’s club-ready tune. The track also comes accompanied by a frivolous video of splashing around in pools, glowsticks, vodka and smoke cannons, with Birdman nodding in approval to what is sure to be a coming party anthem. It is art; in its most pure and beautiful form. With Afrojack ready to put out anything that the kids will bop to, and Lil’ Wayne’s YMCMB record imprint hosting the release of Paris Hilton’s upcoming second studio album, the three come together on this track to deeply sadden many people, alluding to an intersection of pop, hip-hop and dance music that makes me fearful for the world my children will one day live in.

A part of me almost wishes that Paris would just take a page out of Miley’s book and find more entertaining ways to absolutely mortify her father. Part of me truly hopes Paris can find a better way to impose a skewed sense of pop culture upon impressionable teens and parents who will simply shake their heads in utter disappointment. But why my beloved dance music, Paris? Why?

Okay, that too was mean. But honestly, I can already hear this track all over the radio and I can already sense the onslaught of over stimulation this track will receive. I’m prepared to accept it, I hope you are too. Who knows, it might even grow on me with time. But until then, I find this is the best way to share my vehement opinion and stand in the defense of dance music. Maybe this is just a hiccup, and after this Paris Hilton will unceremoniously disappear into irrelevance, maybe this is the next big thing. We shall see.

Paris Hilton Wows Us With New Afrojack Produced Single