As you’ve probably heard, Donald Trump’s summit last week with Kim Jong Un did not yield any results, and in fact broke up early after the North Korean dictator reportedly refused to make concessions the U.S. had requested. That Kim would decline to give up his entire nuclear arsenal was an outcome most people could have predicted, given that none of the crucial lower-level talks that typically precede these events actually occurred, and that the president has only ever played a successful negotiator on TV. But according to Trump, he was moments away from clinching an absolutely historic deal—a deal that only fell through thanks to that bastard Michael Cohen and the obstructionist Democrats who gave him a platform to speak.

This, of course, is a wildly different explanation from the one Trump offered last week as to why he abruptly ended discussions with Kim. “It was about the sanctions,” he told reporters at the time. “They were willing to denuke a large portion of the areas that we wanted, but we couldn’t give up all of the sanctions for that. Sometimes you have to walk,” he added, despondently, “and this was just one of those times.” Of course, congressional testimony or not, it’s highly doubtful that Kim, who has in fact produced more missiles since first meeting with Trump in Singapore, was about to say, You know what? I don’t need these nukes after all. (In January, Director of National Intelligence Dan Coats told Congress that “North Korea . . . is unlikely to completely give up its nuclear weapons and production capabilities because its leaders ultimately view nuclear weapons as critical to regime survival.”)

Moreover, save for a line of questioning from Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez that may have laid the groundwork for lawmakers to perform a full, extra-thorough body-cavity search of the president’s finances, Cohen’s seven-hour testimony didn’t actually tell us anything we didn’t already know about Trump, who was simply confirmed to be a racist con man with a not-very-bright son. Although the ex-real-estate developer told reporters last week that he had “tried to watch as much as [he] could” of the testimony, if Cohen hadn’t been on, he presumably would’ve been distracted by whatever else Fox & Friends was getting all riled up about that day (A.O.C.’s war on cows, probably).

Unsurprisingly, Republicans are also now trying to claim that Trump would have totally nailed the summit if not for Cohen’s testimony—an argument that his buddy Lindsey Graham actually floated before the talks even started. (“New Low for House Democrats,” he tweeted, “Holding hearings with Michael Cohen while President @realDonaldTrump negotiates with North Korea about giving up their nuclear arsenal.”) “They dislike this president so much that they won’t give him an opportunity to try to denuclearize North Korea,” a scandalized Kevin McCarthy said on ABC News’s This Week, accusing Democrats of “discrediting America” and “picking circus over a solution.”

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