My experience as an awkward, "unpopular," outsider kid shaped me (both good and bad). The good: I've become a tolerant person. Why? Because geeks are a tolerant people.

They take in “the other,” the misfit toys, and not simply because no one else will sit with them at the cafeteria table. They have felt the sting of not being included. They know what it is like to not feel cool. They know the pain of being excluded.

So it's no surprise that those who indulge in geekery like role-playing games, costuming, and medieval reenactment groups like the Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA) accept gays, lesbians, cross-dressers, and transgendered folk without hesitation. In fact, they were one of the first groups to accept these "freakish" sub-cultures. (Only until recently, gays and lesbians had to engage in role-play --- as straight people -- just to get by in a largely straight world.)

There are others wrinkles to this. I think geeky types are drawn to and role-play precisely because some of the more daring, boisterous, successful behavior was denied them in the real world. So in these make-believe worlds, all is tolerated. Populated with cross-bred elves and dwarves, fantasy realms make people feel not quite so freakish. You can release yourself from your cage of . Playing half- or non-human characters can be an exploration of one's freak side, a new door into yourself.

And doesn't all this role-playing in a game like Dungeons & Dragons teach you to be ? To understand people and races and creatures unlike yourself?

Go tell that to your mom and dad, or husband and wife, the next time they complain about your gaming or Lord of the Rings obsession. Just be sure to include them best you can.

To follow Ethan's adventures into geekdom, see his book Fantasy Freaks and Gaming Geeks: An Epic Quest for Reality Among Role Players, Online Gamers, and Other Dwellers of Imaginary Realms, now in paperback.