"You shouldn't have to be a hero to make it through ."

(Youth advocate quoted in Drifting Toward Love by Kai Wright.)

All stories have a beginning. Most of the 65 young respondents I interviewed for the book: Coming Out, Coming Home: Helping Families Adjust to a Gay or Lesbian Child (www.comingoutcominghome.com), described the realization that they had same- attractions as a slow dawning coupled with a nagging realization that something was wrong--very wrong, with the way they felt. They understood that if their peers or their parents discovered their sexual feelings, they risked becoming objects of rejection and abuse.

Unfortunately, for some of these kids, their peers figured out what was up. Adolescents are hawk-eyed guardians of the status quo, harshly punishing those whose behavior falls outside of society's narrow norms--and for some of the unlucky respondents in my study who inadvertently revealed cross-gendered behavior, the consequences were brutal.

Once I hit middle school I think really other kids figured out before I did.

I used to get picked on for being gay all the time and I didn't know what it

meant. . . .I wasn't the most masculine kid (Recalled by a twenty-one-year-old gay man).

I got beat up a lot. I didn't have many friends, they were kind of put off.

A lot of the guys would pick on me. . . . They would call me dyke and beat

me up (Twenty-year-old lesbian).

Adding insult to injury, adults who witnessed this often did nothing to stop it. As remembered by this nineteen-year-old.

Well see the thing of it was I got colitis the summer after my sixth-grade year, which was my worst year in school ever. The kids beat me up with no mercy and my teacher did nothing about it, absolutely nothing. And he is the vice principal now!

Clearly, these kids' were not alone. A recent survey of over 6000 lesbian, gay, bisexual, and , youth done by the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Network (GLSEN) found that over 86% reported being harassed with 44% reporting being either shoved, pushed, kicked, or injured with a weapon due to their or gender .

Furthermore, research shows that such harassment can have a devastating effect on LGBT kids' mental health and risk. The wounds persist well into adulthood, making LGBT people prone to , , and low as the experiences of my clients and research respondents indicate.

For the kids in my study, what compounded their feelings of stigma, , and isolation was that they had to hide from their parents--the very people they would normally turn to for solace, support, and advice. They were even afraid to tell counselors or their social workers at school for fear that these helpers would reject them--or worse, share their secret with their parents.

So, what can be done to help these kids?

Most of us who are mental health providers or educators are comfortable working with our young charge one-on-one or in the classroom--but when we start thinking about changing the systems that affect these kids' lives--well that's another story. And it's no wonder--it's a tricky task to confront school and community and policies in a way that is effective but hopefully doesn't endanger our jobs. However, if we really want to help gay and lesbian and also bisexual and transgender kids, we must step out of our offices and classrooms-leaving our comfort zones behind.

Bullies and harassing peers are not the devil's spawn, as tempting as it might be for those who witness their misdeeds to think so. Like all of us, they are born and raised in a homophobic, heterosexist world and are thus products of their environment. Therefore, the way to assist youth who are struggling to come to terms with their sexual orientation is to intervene in their schools to help diminish homophobia. In so doing, human service and education professionals can help make these places more conducive to their gay students' healthy development.

As a first step, an environmental assessment would be in order. Is the school a place that welcomes and accepts LGBT students? Are there any openly LGBT faculty? Does the school sponsor a LGBT support group? Is material on LGBT people incorporated into programs that educate students about diversity? During my research I noticed that kids who attended schools that had such resources reported considerably less harassment than those who went to schools that did not. How is antigay and harassment between peers addressed at the institutional level? Do school professionals intervene or simply ignore it?

Mental health and education professionals who care about youth should advocate for this vulnerable group by appealing to school administrators for services such as support groups as well as tolerance and antiviolence education for the entire student body. Granted, in schools with politically and religiously conservative parents, teachers, and school boards, establishing such programming would be difficult. However, there are resources available developed by those who have previously blazed these paths. Human service professionals or anyone wanting to assist LGBT youth can contact national organizations such as the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network (GLSEN, www.glsen.org , 212-727-0135) and Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG, www.pflag.org , 202-467-8180) for information and technical support on how to establish such groups as well as how to advocate for LGBT students in even the most hostile school settings.

Even though taking these steps might not be easy, hurting kids need our help and they are waiting for us--the responsible adults--to do the right thing.