My guilty pleasure television shows are Friends and How I Met Your Mother. When I’m having a rough time, I generally turn these shows on in the background and do random things on my phone or computer, including write blog posts about watching said shows while watching said shows.

An episode that has been background noise for me was an episode from season four, “Old King Clancy”. The major plot of this episode is Barney and Marshall conspiring to keep Ted from knowing his architecture job has been shut down. The underlying plot involves Barney, Marshall, and Lily trying to determine the Canadian celebrity, sex act, and collectibles the celebrity invited her to view at his home.

During the episode, there is a multitude of sex acts that are mentioned, most of which are Canadian. Barney claims he knows of these sex acts because of http://www.canadiansexacts.org. The staff of the show created the website after the launch of the episode, however, it only hosts pictures of Canadian actor Alan Thick — a regular on How I Met Your Mother — and messages stating the website is under construction.

As many times as I’ve seen this episode, I’ve never Googled as of the acts, but today was different. I decided to search the episode title’s sex act. I wasn’t disappointed. And so dawned the entire list of sex acts and a desire to know what each of them means!

Sloppy Dog Sled: (1) Before intercourse, a full bottle of maple syrup in inserted into the rectum. The bottom person then goes on to their hands and is held up by their partner while being taken from behind.

(2) When a top person is taking a bottom person from behind while the first bottom person is performing analingus on a second bottom person who is performing analingus on a third bottom person and so on.

Alberta Fur Trapper: While a person is having sex with a woman who has a hairy vagina they put a wax pad on the hairy area and slowly tears it off during intercourse. The hairy wax pad may be used as a hair during role play.

Full Mountie: A person is fully nude except wearing a mountie hat while having sex.

Sneaky Snowplow: A person gets screwed by their two best friends and doesn’t even know it.

Two-Hand Zamboni: The person on the bottom wears ice skates on their hands and the top person wears ice skates on their feet while on a frozen lake, pond, or skating rink, and they have sex while moving across the ice.

Manitoba Milk Bag: The person on the bottom is wearing a snowsuit and the person on the top has drunk nothing but milk and eaten nothing but laxatives the day before and proceeds to spray loose shit all over the face and upper torso of the person receiving it.

Newfoundland Lobster Trap: (1) A person having sex on top, and right when the bottom person is about to climax, they twist the top’s nipples and yells “Here comes the drawn butter!”

(2) A person is having non-committal unprotected sex informing the partner they can pull out at the instant before ejaculation. When the partner informs the person of the pull out the person instead wraps their legs around them forcing their cum inside of them, causing their penis to be trapped in their ‘lobster’.

Greasy Kayak: (1) When the top person puts on a brown bodysuit and greases themselves up with canola oil and slides into the partner’s anus head first.

(2) While a person is receiving oral sex from then sticks their thumb in the other person’s rectum and while the second person is surprised the first person cums into the second person’s nasal cavity

Squatting Eskimo: The act of a person lying naked in the snow and a top person squatting on them to have sex.

Sticky Flapjack: A person cums in between their partner’s ass cheeks while they are asleep so when they wake up, their ass cheeks are stuck together.

Musty Goaltender: (1) A person going down on someone realizes their underwear should have been changed a few days ago.

(2) A person has been working out and their pubes get tied in knots thus blocking all tries for entry

Saskatoon Totem Pole: The act of double penetration outside in the snow.

Montreal Meatpie: (1) The act of putting icy-hot, BENGAY®, etc, on one’s condom before intercourse.

(2) The act of taking a shit into a vagina followed up by having sex with the vagina.

Reverse Rick Moranis: (1) The act of anally penetrating a person; the person who is completing the penetration should have shaggy hair.

Old King Clancy: (1) The act of giving a person a creampie, then pouring maple syrup on them and performing cunnilingus, thus eating a mixture of cum and syrup.

(2) The act of pouring maple syrup in the vagina before intercourse creating a sticky mess. Then the couple engages in 69, licking and eating each other out.

(3) The act of using maple syrup as a lubricant on the asshole with a great deal of rectal hair and then having anal sex.

All definitions for these sex acts were obtained from Urban Dictionary.

Image by Klaus Hausmann from Pixabay