Greetings Americans!

This is an electronic letter from your Comrades Bill Richardson and Eric Schmidt. We arrived in North Korea today, via vehicle! There are many motorized devices in North Korea, all of them highly advanced and functioning very well.

Esteemed representatives from the Workers’ Party of Korea met us when we arrived, each bearing magnificent gifts of food, extension cords (helpful because there are so many outlets here, for electricity!), and copies of Freedom, Kim Jong-un’s significant contribution to the Western canon. We were very impressed. In return, we gratefully lavished our hosts with appreciation, respect, and the normal amount of excitement about consuming food.

After consuming the ripe bread and hearty fruits we had been given, we had the great fortune of touring some of North Korea’s most splendid national monuments. We rode in the vehicle to a factory where new and useful goods were being produced. All of North Korea will soon share in the profits of the North Korean military uniforms being manufactured and distributed to North Koreans! We then went to the restaurant, where more food was offered. It was delicious and prepared with heat.

Our accommodations are the most luxurious in the entire world—but we hesitate to speak too much of the fine linens, silks, and and plastics Kim Jong-un has so generously given to us as a gesture of his superlative hospitality. We do not want to make our peers in the impoverished West jealous, which is one of the delicately and acutely explored themes of Kim Jong-un’s pseudonymously written book Freedom.

Until tomorrow!

United in deference to Kim Jong-un,

Bill Richardson and Eric Schdmidt

P.S. Do not write us back at our usual Web @-names. Use “theemailaddress@dprk.dprk.”