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A road-tripping young lady has successfully convinced herself this afternoon that a medium McChicken meal is a healthier option when compared to the other alternatives available to her.

The Delroy Campus Road McDonalds in Betoota Heights is often the first port-of-call for tourists entering our town who are particularly hellbent on shovelling shit into their bodies just to save a few minutes on the road.

One of them being Melinda Greenbow, who’s on her way from Windorah to Birdsville this afternoon for a meeting.

The 27-year-old district sales manager took time between mouthfuls today to explain to our reporter about her theory that in the world of carcinogenic fast food, chicken is always healthier than beef.

“Just look at the shit you get on a Big Mac,” she said.

“Brahman hump, heavily-processed cheese, mayonnaise. I’d be lucky to get out the door before the Spanish Dancer turned up doing the tango in my colon!”

“Places like McDonalds , in all honestly, should be illegal by now. Who knows were Nicola Roxon would’ve stopped? First cigarettes, then Dominos?”

Ms Greenbow took a large sip from her full-strength Coca-Cola and slumped back in the booth.

Looking down at her half-eaten meal, the chips still largely untouched, Melinda thought she’d hit the wall – until she let out short but deep burp.

“What was I saying?”

Our reporter reminded her.

“Oh yeah. Seriously, though. Look at the other things on the menu? What the hell is a Filet-O-Fish? They should called it the Filet-O-Shark or the Filet-O-Bycatch if you ask me,”

“And where else are you supposed to go? Drive into town and pull up outside a chicken shop or a takeaway? I’d rather sleep in an electric blanket on max up in Cairns tonight than support one of Howard’ Battlers.”

And with that, Ms Greenbow pushed the rest of her meal to the side, got up to stretch then retired to her late model Toyota Corolla in the carpark.

More to come.