Thai face slapping in S.F. BEAUTY Slap-happy masseuse brings $350 Thai treatment to San Francisco

When a fellow gets his face slapped by a beautiful woman, it usually means something went wrong.

And so it was. Something, the beautiful woman announced, was wrong.

"You have wrinkles," said the beautiful woman. "And your left cheek is larger than your right cheek. It's puffier."

All these woes could be fixed, she said, and for only $350. That's how much it costs to get your face slapped at a brand-new massage parlor on Geary Boulevard that specializes in a beauty treatment billed as the "ancient Thai art of face slapping."

The beautiful woman is a Bangkok-born masseuse who goes by the name of Tata. She and her husband, Mawin Sombuntham, are putting the finishing touches on their face-slapping parlor, set to open later this month. It's the first of its kind on this side of the Pacific, they said, which means they have the $350-slapping market to themselves. In Thai face slapping, unlike the "how-dare-you" kind of face slapping, the idea is to firm up flabby faces without plastic surgery or injections.

To demonstrate, Tata instructed this reporter to take a seat on the official slapping stool. She stared long and hard, planning her attack. Before her lay a sea of wrinkles, frown lines, droopy skin and other signs of being overedited.

Thai pop tunes began blasting from a stereo. Tata started to sway to the music, like a charmed cobra. The large hat on her head, full of plastic roses and lilies, began to bounce up and down.

She raised her right hand. This reporter never saw it coming.

Rassameesaitarn Wongsirodkul demonstrates a face slapping treatment on Tuesday, Oct. 9, 2012 in San Francisco, Calif. Rassameesaitarn Wongsirodkul demonstrates a face slapping treatment on Tuesday, Oct. 9, 2012 in San Francisco, Calif. Photo: Russell Yip, The Chronicle Photo: Russell Yip, The Chronicle Image 1 of / 5 Caption Close Thai face slapping in S.F. 1 / 5 Back to Gallery

Whap! Whap! Whap!

It didn't hurt, exactly, but it didn't tickle, either. It was something like a flu shot or an accordion concert.

Tata pinched a chunk of this reporter's cheek and wiggled it, the way a grandma does when you get 100 percent on a spelling test. She tugged at it, pushed it sideways, smoothed it with her fingers. The music was thumping. Thump, thump, thump. Then came the right hand again, harder this time.

Whap! Whap! WHAP!

The only other occasion this reporter had been slapped professionally, an obstetrician had been holding him upside down by the ankles. It had probably cost less than $350, too.

Tata paused to examine her work. The results were good, she said, but not as good as they could be because she had been slapping more gently than usual, for fear of getting a bad write-up. That's OK, this reporter said. Try again and let's have the real thing. OK, said Tata, here goes.

The music came back on. The right hand went up. On the wall of the studio were huge murals depicting the Hindu elephant god Ganesha. The giant elephant appeared to be smiling at the proceedings, although he was the only one who was.

WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!

This time, the message came through loud and clear. The wrinkles stood up and took notice. This reporter was obliged to close his eyes and pretend that he was in a spy movie and the bad guys were demanding the microfilm.

WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!

After about 10 minutes, it was all over. Tata and her husband said the slapping had been a great success and held up the "before" and "after" pictures they had taken of this reporter's face. The photos looked exactly the same, not for lack of effort. "After you get your face slapped a few times, you get used to it," said Tata's husband, who has had the honor of being slapped on numerous occasions. He is studying Thai face slapping himself, he said - not to get even with his wife, but to help out at the studio if business starts to heat up. And that way, the loving couple can always slap each other after a hard day at the office.

Tata, who studied face slapping in her native Bangkok, is something of a pop star back home, having slapped a Thai talk show host on live TV. After further refining her new skills by slapping her mother and father, Tata came to San Francisco earlier this year to try her luck in a land where people have money to burn on beauty treatments.

America, she knows, is full of people with cash and wrinkles.

The hardest part about becoming a face slapper, Tata said, was obtaining her state license. Face slapping is a form of massage, so Tata was obliged by law to attend massage school for six months to learn modern massage techniques that she has no intention of using in the new studio. For inscrutability, the ways of East and West are a wash.

If the face-slapping business takes off, Tata said she plans to return to Bangkok next year and study the ancient art of Thai butt punching. It's good for you, too. Like face slapping, it's therapy and not corporal punishment.

"Face slapping is not hitting," said Tata. "If you want someone to hit you, go on Craigslist."