It seems a shame to start my first post in over 7 months on a low note, however the subject matter is difficult to make light of. Yesterday, at work, I wrote an email to a colleague which was intended to explain why I hadn’t done something I was supposed to. After the first paragraph I was happy with the explanation and I was fairly certain the recipient of the email would understand. Fine. It was the first two words in the second paragraph, however, that got me thinking. After carefully dodging my way through a diplomatic minefield with my explanation in the first sentence, I began my second sentence with the words, ‘Going forward..’ What is that even supposed to mean?! Of course I was simply trying to explain that I wouldn’t allow this particular mistake to occur again but ‘going forward’ is just management-babble, an offshoot of language for which I hold great contempt. Management-babble is the art of complicating a word or a sentence in order to impress those who are listening. It isn’t impressive, though, Not even in the slightest. It’s the calling card of a sanctimonious and self-indulged management-type who thinks that turning the word ‘free’ into the words ‘investment neutral’ will impress his underlings. Even better is the prefixing of the word ‘prepare’ with ‘pre-‘. In all seriousness, if you’re say you’re pre-prepared, aren’t you simply suggesting that you’re unprepared? I’ve had fun for the last couple of hours turning simple sentences into management-babble and I’d like to show them to you.

‘We are still optimistic things will feed through the sales and delivery pipeline.’

We actually haven’t sold anything to anyone yet but maybe we will one day.

‘My door is open on this issue.’

Please give me some more ideas.

‘..also in addition to that..’

..and..

‘I will be sure to cascade down any additional information..’

I’ll send you a memo.

‘We will begin to ascend the strategic staircase.’

We have a plan.

‘We might want to facilitate signage so there’s some verbiage out there as to proper usage procedure.’

Make a sign so I know how it works.

I often wonder whether these management-types go home to their wives and children and continue to speak in babble. Upon waking, Mr. Manager might say to his wife, ‘we will touch base around six so as to facilitate a meal-outing’ before promptly getting out of bed and putting on his suit. At the breakfast table, his two sons are eating toast. ‘Good morning gentlemen’, he would say. ‘Regarding your parent-teacher interview this afternoon, lets drill-down on any possible side-swipes we might incur so as to leverage a favourable outcome, yes?’.

As far as my own career goes then, I work within a top-heavy manufacturing environment with a focus on continuous improvement (I work for a company with many managers who enjoy changing things).

We procure raw materials within the constraints of a local market so as to leverage our flexibility to produce what our clients want (We buy stuff locally so we can make stuff quickly). We follow a strict methodology of intra-company communication so as to retain our resources (the managers have meetings with the union workers to make sure they don’t quit).

If, like me, you don’t have the time to sit and listen to your boss dribble about in a bubble of babble, try doing this:

Next time you’re in a meeting, sit with a workmate and count the number of times your boss turns a simple sentence into a complicated maze of hyperboles and pointless interjections. You’ll be surprised at how little it actually makes sense. If you work for a company that is driven by these babblers, you’ll also be surprised at how often you also use pointless words in sentences. I have become aware of how often I say ‘going forward’, as though I need to emphasize the direction of time before making promises I don’t intend to keep. A few weeks ago I suggested to the general manager that ‘we must utilize diplomatic incentive’, as though I had any idea as to what I’d just said. It’s difficult to avoid, especially when working for a corporate company, but its very important to be aware of it.

I’d like to end this post with a quote from Robert Epstein’s ‘Being Modern’: Going forward, lets get proactive about drilling down to the core of corporate communication, lets push the envelope and be catalysts in the accountability for the way in which we conversate globally. Let’s take a holistic approach to ramping up progress on this issue on a vertical level while, of course, being outcome-focused. Let’s take a helicopter view of the bigger picture and that way we’ll achieve our vision while staying true to our core values.

What he said.