Phew, what a scorcher. It’s just as well the mercury may rise as high as 39 degrees in some corners of the UK today, because what’s just happened at Westminster chills the blood, while today’s batch of rumours can best be described as tepid.

Newcastle have told Manchester United that Sean Longstaff won’t be happening for them. No matter, because Ed Woodward will embark on a spree that takes Mill regulars Nicolas Pépé, Christian Eriksen, Sergej Milinkovic-Savic and Harry Maguire to Old Trafford.

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Everton are resigned to losing Idrissa Gueye to Paris Saint-Germain. But they’ll console themselves with paying £80m for Wilfried Zaha. Arsenal, who have been faffing around by bidding buttons, look on in despair.

Tottenham are the latest club to show an interest in Paulo Dybala, strangely unloved at Juventus. Also to be shown the door by Maurizio Sarri: 2014’s Sami Khedira, who Wolves have taken a fancy to.

And Joe Hart’s got to go somewhere to resurrect his career, hasn’t he. Sheffield United will do.

Now, enough of sitting around in front of a screen. Out you go and play. Plenty of sun lotion, and remember to keep yourself hydrated.