July 20, 2018 - News Post

If you've been reading my news as of late, you know that I am in the process of emptying out file cabinets.

These file cabinets contain my life. Everything from childhood drawings to business receipts. It also contains a few polished gems.

Here's an example of what 15 year old Jeff was writing for English class. It's um… well, you'll see…

The Passionate Plumber

Come live with me and be my love

Inside a world you know not of.

Come to this land of sea and shine,

Where flushing you will find divine.

Come to a land where all is free,

Give up your room, come live with me.

Where nothing you can want you'll lack,

Where you can stare at my butt crack.

I'll show you why your shower stops,

I'll let you try out all the mops.

I'll fix your drain and all the rest,

Come live with me, it's for the best.

I'll plunge your hair, and you will thank

The master of your septic tank.

And I'll make beds of cleaned bath tissue,

(For if it's used, that's not an issue).

If these delights thy mind may sway,

Then live with me on this fine day.

And if that's not what you would will,

I'll charge you with a plumbing bill.

I got an "A" on that poem. The Florida public school system had some high standards. This is undoubtedly why I'm such a good righter to this day.

-Jeff