As images of teens seemingly mocking protesters and giving apparent Nazi salutes go viral, parents can help ensure children understand sensitive issues

It’s now common to come across a headline about videos or photos of teens that goes viral and strikes a nerve. Teenagers posing with Nazi salutes, painting on blackface and, most recently with the students from Covington Catholic high school, seemingly mocking Native American protesters. What may initially be seen as a joke between friends suddenly delivers hurt, frustration and backlash from thousands on social media.

Many come to the teens’ defense, saying that kids will be kids; as adolescents, they have and will always do some stupid things. “Until 10 minutes ago, it was broadly agreed in our culture that kids are allowed to do some dumb things because they’re kids,” said Kyle Smith for the National Review in response to the backlash against the students from Covington Catholic high school.

But experts in youth and teenage behavior say this behavior isn’t inevitable. There are ways parents and teachers can help ensure a child has the maturity and understanding to think about sensitive issues such as race before they behave inappropriately.

“We could raise a future of anti-racist youth if we wanted to,” said Jennifer Harvey, author of Raising White Kids: Bringing Up Children in a Racially Unjust America and professor of philosophy and religion at Drake University. “That’s the work we have to be doing in a very proactive, every single day kind of way to reduce the incidents that are happening in the first place.”

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Parents, specifically white parents, can develop tools needed to raise children who are sensitive to race, Harvey said. For example, teaching children that race doesn’t matter can be counterproductive to achieving equality.

“If you’re living in a society where people are not being treated equally … that position ends up enabling racism to thrive,” Harvey said.

For example, if a five-year-old child never sees an African American doctor, they will assume African Americans can’t be doctors unless their parents have discussed structural racism with them, Harvey said. “That’s just how kids’ brains work.”

Evan Apfelbaum, an associate professor at Boston University’s Questrom School of Business focused on social psychology and diversity, agreed that it’s good to start teaching children about race when they’re young.

“Having these tough, uncomfortable conversation at home in advance, in a structured setting, is one way to help prepare kids for facing these types of complex things in the real world,” he said.

Parents can use such viral videos that demonstrate inappropriate behavior as an opportunity to have a conversation with their children about racism, Apfelbaum added.

“When things go viral, there’s an opportunity for learning,” he said. “If kids are going to be talking about it … why not frame it in a structured discussion where you can actually get at feelings and get at people’s concerns and help [your children] think through multiple sides of a situation.”

Salome Thomas-El, head of school at Thomas Edison charter school in Wilmington, Delaware, agrees that parents and teachers can use viral videos as learning tools, but they should be wary of the other things their children may come across on social media. Something he and many educators struggle with is limiting the negative influences that can come from online, he said.

“We have to be aware of what’s going on in the online community and how it impacts what will happen in school,” Thomas-El said. “Prevention is much more powerful than intervention.”

Students at his own school go through internet safety training, Thomas-El said, where they learn the full consequence of a viral video. “Children need to understand once you post a video, and it goes viral, you can’t take it back,” he said.

It’s also important for teachers, parents and teenagers themselves to understand how a teenager’s developing brain can shape their behavior, said Dan Siegel, clinical professor of psychology at the University of California Los Angeles medical school.

The “remodeling” of the teenage brain into an adult brain entails four core changes: emotional sparks, social engagement, novelty-seeking and creative exploration — what Siegel calls “Essence”. The four changes represent an uptick in passion, drive to be a part of a group and a desire for new experiences that is normal for teenagers. These changes can be positive or negative, depending on how they’re fostered, Siegel said.

The development also heightens what psychologists call “in-group, out-group distinction”, or the tendency to lump oneself in social groups, he added. When a person feels like their “in-group” is threatened by an “out-group” – people part of a group they don’t identify with – there’s a chance they will dehumanize the out-group.

“Adolescents are equally prone to having this in-group-out-group distinction” as adults are, Siegel said. “Essence” exacerbates the distinction, and that’s what can be seen in the viral videos, he added.

In these videos, there’s evidence of “emotion they don’t know how to control, collaboration where they give up morality to gain membership, novelty-seeking which drives them to do things that are really dangerous … and following ideals as they push against things that have them not think logically”, Siegel said.

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Helping teenagers learn about things like in-group, out-group phenomena and how their changing brains affect it will give them the ability to be mindful of their behavior.

“When you let an adolescent know they’re in charge of how their brain is going to develop in these important dozen years of life, that’s totally different from saying: ‘Adolescents, this is what’s going on with you and do this,’” Siegel said. “It’s kind of empowering from the inside out.”

If a child ends up behaving badly, experts agree that it could be a moment of self-reflection, but parents and teachers need to hold themselves accountable for the behavior as well.

“Kids respond to positive reinforcement and modeling behavior,” Apfelbaum said. “Parents should focus on showing kids the right way to respond and how to show respect and tolerance of differences.”