(Las Vegas, NV)—On the campaign trail today, Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden suggested that he would consider former failed Republican presidential candidate Jeb! [sic] Bush as his vice presidential running mate.

“That son-of-a-gun Bloomberg ain’t gonna out-loser ol’ Joe Biden,” Mr. Biden told reporters. “He thinks he can show me up by winning this thing even with Hillary on the ticket. Well, Jiminy Cricket, I can win this nomination riding side-saddle with Jeb Bush, fella!”

When asked about the many gaffes that Mr. Bush committed on the campaign trail in 2016 when he opposed Donald Trump, Mr. Biden scoffed:

“Oh jumpin’ Jehoshaphat, he didn’t mess up as much as you people say. I mean, for the love of Pete, I would have killed Baby Hitler too if I had the chance. Would have taken him out like I did ol’ Corn Pop at the segregated pool. And I’ve had to ask people to clap for me too when making stump speeches. There’s no shame in that.”

“But, look, the fact is that Jeb couldn’t pour water out of a boot with the instructions written on the heel. So if Daddy Warbucks thinks he’s found the most unelectable running mate possible, tell him he’s gotta another think comin’.”

“And I can do more push-ups than that sedentary half-pint, too, if little Mikey ever wants to challenge me to a contest. You tell him that too, pony boy!”

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The featured image combines an image of Joe Biden by Gage Skidmore, licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic license, courtesy of Wikimedia Commons; and a real, non-Photoshopped image of Jeb Bush from YouTube.