thin privilege is not being advised by a doctor to have extensive surgery solely based on your appearance, and when nothing is wrong at all.

last year, i was hit by a car. shortly after that, i lost very tiny patch of hair on the back of my scalp, easily covered by the rest of the hair on my head. i was in medical school, i knew everything that a missing patch of hair could indicate so i went to my dermatologist. she thought it was post-accident stress related. i agreed. she was concerned about how slowly the 4cm circle of hair was growing back. she immediately said that she thought i had pcos, and that’s why the hair regrowth was slow. but aside from my weight, i had no other symptoms, so she felt it right to be thorough in case it was something else. maybe i had a thyroid issue, maybe it was something hereditary, maybe it was autoimmune and my hair cells had attacked themselves - she postulated all these things, but was pretty convinced it was pcos until we had gotten results. i told her that i’d already been tested for pcos several times over the years, as every physician seems to think i have it based on teenage acne scars even though i don’t have acne now, and the fact that i’m overweight.

so they drew bloods for every antibody, every signifier for random/rare diseases, genetic stuff and immunological tests, etc. and of course - all the obvious physical/metabolic ones - hypothyroidism, diabetes, cholesterol issues, hormones, pcos, etc. 11 vials of blood were drawn. and we received 18 pages of results. i had three different ultrasounds to look for cysts. and then we did a second round of testing, drawing bloods to monitor my menstrual cycle.

every single result was completely perfect.

nothing even came on the low or high side of normal. everything was totally average.

she referred me to an endocrinologist that specializes in pcos and diabetes to reconfirm that there was nothing she had, in fact, missed, and to make sure there still wasn’t some underlying issue that perhaps his specialty would know better.

so i went to see this endocrinologist for the first time the other day to reconfirm the bloodwork results from my dermatologist, and to have things re-run or tested anew if need be/if there was something else. again, everything came back completely fine, just as before.

i thought this was great. he even said to me, “biochemically, you are perfectly healthy.” and “since your tiny spot of hair came back in fine months ago, i’d say dr. _____ and you were correct and the hair loss was just temporary and stress related."

yay! continued excellent good news.

then he said, "but i think you should have surgery."

this confused the hell out of me as it seemed to have come out of nowhere. hadn’t he, just seconds earlier, said i was perfectly healthy? also, what surgery? whaaaa? so i asked him what he was talking about, thinking maybe i’d just misheard him, and his response was "from the looks of you, you probably need a gastric bypass/gastric sleeve."

i think my mouth dropped open.

he saw this and continued, "don’t get me wrong, you are biochemically healthy. there’s just no reason for you to be overweight so i think you should have this done."

i asked him to reference the medical history in my chart that his nurse took earlier:

my family is free of all concerning medical ailments. i had a grandmother who wound up getting diagnosed with arthritis and had a heart attack, but that was well into her 80s and therefore, does not apply to genetic predispositions. in fact, everyone in my family is incredibly fit. they’re all cops and teachers, and most have black belts in some martial arts or another. i am the only exception.

meanwhile, personally, i work out 5-6 days a week for 1.5-2 hours at a time. during those days, i make sure to spend 3 of them running 2 and half miles, amidst my other workouts. the days in between running, i walk for 30 minutes and then use the rest of the time to do whatever other workouts - yoga, dance, cycle, you name it. i used to be a dancer/athlete until a sports injury ruined my left knee. but it’s still viable, and aside from pain after running, i take care of it. i eat a healthy diet that consists of lean protein and vegetables. i cut out most carbs (and even decreased fruit intake dukan style). i don’t eat red meat. my only real vice is caffeine, and it’s never in the form of soda - just coffee/tea with fat free milk. i drink 8 glasses of water a day. i have noticed that for no apparent reason, i just don’t seem to lose weight. doctors have noticed it too, and 99% of them, as long as i’m healthy, seem fine with where i’m at pounds-wise, despite my having an obese bmi. he was not.

i told him i planned to alter my exercise routine after some upcoming exams because maybe if i go nuts on strength training instead of all the cardio i do, i will finally see a difference in weight adjustment and can drop the pounds. maybe my body simply acclimates to what i throw at it faster than i estimate. i’m totally open to that idea, to pushing myself really hard, but not to unnecessary surgery, i explained.

he said again, "from the way you look, i don’t think you can lose the weight.”

i asked why and he said he “didn’t have a reason, but that if one knee could give out on me when i was at a standard weight, then my other knee didn’t have long til it was ruined because i’m so overweight.” (i’ve never had issues with my second knee, but fair enough)

i thanked him for his advice. on my way out, he asked me to schedule an appointment for august so i could “tell him my decision as to whether i would go ahead with the surgery” (despite my already saying i would not) and when i replied in negotiation that if i returned in august with a certain percentage of weight lost, would *he* change *his* mind about the surgery? his response was that “he would see, but it didn’t matter, because he was certain i was not going to lose any weight by then."

part of me never wants to go back there after being treated so horribly when i’ve had a lifetime of non-discriminatory medical treatment, but you know what?

i’m going return. and i’m going to prove him wrong.