On Sunday, at St Mary’s church in Harborne, Birmingham, Father John told us there would be a few changes during mass. Mindful of coronavirus – no respecter of nations or faiths – there would be no blessed chalice and the communion wafers would be placed only in our hands, not on our tongues. There had been no holy water to bless ourselves with on the way in. And Fr John assured us it should not be taken as rudeness when he didn’t shake hands with each of us on the way out.

I have never been one for the taking of the wafer directly on to the tongue; a bit old-school for me. But the ritual of the holy water – the four faint, soon-fading, watery marks on our foreheads and chests – have always kind of ached with meaning for me. But what really unsettled me was the plea not to shake hands during the sign of peace. Just in case you have never had the pleasure, the sign of peace, in a Catholic mass, comes between the Lord’s Prayer and the breaking of the bread. The priest invites us to “Offer each other the sign of peace”. We then shake hands with those around us and say: “Peace be with you”. Before I was a Catholic, this bit astounded me. I would go along to mass with one or more of my beery, footbally college mates, and then suddenly we would be wishing each other peace, which wasn’t the kind of thing we ever wished each other in the general run of things. Nice. It has always been a highlight of mass for me, and not only because it is a sign that you are, er, nearer to the end of mass than the beginning. I love it for its simplicity. Who, of whatever faith or none, could possibly object to having peace wished upon them?

And so the moment came for this unfamiliar no-touching sign of peace. I assumed it would lack something but curiously the opposite was true: for me, it actually felt more sincere without the handshake. Less was more. There are two key components to the standard sign of peace: the handshake and the words. But the key bit is the eye contact, which can be fleeting or missed out entirely. The beauty of taking the handshake away was that it elevated the eye contact to a level of great importance. After all, in the absence of physical contact, if you do not make eye contact, the whole enterprise is rendered somewhat pointless. So, uncertainly – gingerly, even – we bowed awkwardly in each other’s direction and had no alternative but to lock eyes. And then, staring into each other’s souls, we wished each other peace. Now this was real intimacy. And there was the added advantage that we were not restricted to those around us. Eyes met and the words were mouthed across the aisles.

So never mind the toe tapping and elbow bumping, and whatnot, let’s just say hello by stopping, nodding slightly (optional), and meeting eyes for a little more than a moment. I really think it is better. And how much simpler, too. Let’s say goodbye to the handshake with all its troubling variables – whether to shake, how hard to grasp, how long to hold on for etc. And as for kissing – whether to kiss, how to kiss, how many kisses, which cheek first – don’t get me started. It’s all in the eyes; the eyes have it.



● This article was amended on 5 March 2020 to correct the spelling of Harborne.