Continue Reading Below Advertisement

Oh no. That's not good. He should probably see a doctor right aw-

eOne Entertainment

FUCK HOSPITALS.

Continue Reading Below Advertisement

In the upcoming Pound of Flesh, the best medicine comes in torrential cascades of split kicks and choke-outs as the Damminator goes on a quest to take down the scumbags who stole his kidney.

Yes, that's totally what this movie is about: The trailer outlines the story of a former black-ops agent who wakes up in China sans the organ he was planning to donate to his dying niece. From there, the film descends into a glory-montage of spinning takedowns and violent car chases in a scramble to save the day before the clock runs out. And in this case "clock" really means "the spurting life juice that powers Jean-Claude Van Damme," who spends the film slowly losing blood as he pounds henchmen. It's basically the movie Crank without any sense of self-awareness and way more 55-year-old groin strain.