I fell in love with group exercise classes thirteen years ago, after my first baby was born. I’d gone to classes at the local rec center before that, but never consistently enough to make friends and become a regular. As a new mom however, I discovered an exercise class taught by volunteer women at my church in the cultural hall. I went almost every day, because I could bring my baby and set him on the ground next to me and interact with other moms.

I outgrew that class once my baby started crawling and getting in the way of everything, and renewed my membership at the rec center, which offered daycare so that I could exercise without balancing him on my hip. I still remember that group of women with fondness, though. My husband was deployed, I didn’t know a thing about babies, and the days were long and isolating. Those women every morning filled an important role in my life right when I needed it.

Well over a decade later, I still love classes at the gym, and my favorite workout of any year was always the Turkey Jam – a two hour workout on Thanksgiving morning. Everyone was always in a particularly good mood and extra friendly on the morning of a holiday, and it’s just more fun than a regular day.

But my gym canceled holiday workouts indefinitely last year. I was so sad! I asked around for any other gyms that offer a similar pre-turkey workout, and a friend told me that she teaches Zumba at a church just 4 minutes from my house, and that they have a great Thanksgiving workout I could come to. I went, and she was right – it was awesome! There were probably 60+ women in the cultural hall together by the end, and they added me to their Facebook group and enthusiastically encouraged me to come anytime during the rest of the year to their free workouts during the week.

On Thanksgiving this year, I wanted to go join them again, and got online the night before to double check the address and make sure I remembered which church building it was at. As I opened up the announcement for this year’s workout, I caught something that I hadn’t noticed last year – a note that said “No tank tops, please!”

I only work out in tank tops. I know some people don’t mind sleeves, but I hate them. They make my armpits extra sweaty, and when running long distances they chafe and feel wet and gross against my skin. And maybe it’s partly in my head, but I feel so hot in them! Taking off that two inches of material on the top of my arms makes me feel so, so much better.

I wondered if this was a new rule, so I searched for “tank top” in the Facebook group and found multiple posts over the years of reminders that the stake presidency allows them to use the facilities for classes, but the rules are “no tank tops in the church”. I even found more specific instructions on what is permissible to wear in a post from last year:

“For those of you coming and bringing friends… please remember, like any activity held in the church, to follow church standards of dress. No tank tops or low cut t-shirts that show too much cleavage.

“Women should avoid short shorts…, and shirts that do not cover the stomach, and clothing that does not cover the shoulders or is low-cut in the front or the back.” (For the Strength of Youth)”

I remembered that the instructor last year had taken a group photo of many of the women, and searched the group for that photograph. There I was on the back row, smiling and totally oblivious to how out of place my blinding white shoulders were in this group.

Everyone there handled my dress code violation perfectly, to be clear. Not a single person mentioned it and all I felt was welcoming arms. I didn’t even know I’d broken a rule. I’d almost come back the second year in another tank top actually!

I started to think to myself, “Man, I have to wear a t shirt tomorrow? I don’t even own one for working out in! This is such a dumb rule. These women are working out and teaching classes for free, bringing their babies and kids with them, providing friendship and drastically improving the mental and physical health of women in the stake, providing a fellow-shipping opportunity, and there aren’t even men in the dang building! And yet the stake president feels like it’s his duty to police how much of the upper arm flesh of these women is exposed to the cultural hall walls? No one is coming to a free church workout to show off their body and look sexy! I wear a tank top because it’s the appropriate clothing for the activity, not to break For The Strength of Youth standards (a dress code guideline for YOUTH, not mature adult women, and not supposed to be in reference to something like workout apparel anyway!). Why does a stake president need to be involved in these women’s workout classes in any way at all, other than to just say, ‘Thank you!’?”

Those were the frustrated thoughts that were churning in my brain as I fell asleep. I woke up the next morning a little calmer, put on a t-shirt, and went over to enjoy the workout.

During class, I started thinking. Maybe I overreacted. This is a free class, in a free facility, and there’s nothing wrong with a private organization having a dress code and asking people to follow it – especially since hey, it’s free! I am not obligated to attend there. I can pay and go to different places that won’t mind a tank top at all, right?

But it still kept churning in my head and still didn’t feel right. I think I decided why. It’s the fact that it was the male leadership making the rules about women’s cleavage being forbidden, in a women’s class, in a program run entirely by volunteer women in the stake. If tank tops and shorts and cleavage are a concern in a church building, why couldn’t this message come from the stake relief society president instead of him? It feels weird, in the same way that it would feel weird if the stake relief society president went onto Facebook to inform the men playing late-night basketball games at the church that their shorts need to be loose enough that no one could see the shape of their male genitalia – especially if the men were playing basketball at a time of day when zero women were in the building. I’d start thinking, “Is the stake relief society president specifically going to their basketball games to observe and see if their shorts are too snug in the crotch? Or is she just assuming that some of the men will wear tight shorts, so she’s writing messages to all of the men to cover her bases, just in case? Doesn’t she worry about coming off as a little creepy lecturing the men of the stake about noticing their… *whispers*… penises?”

If there’s going to be a dress code at church events, fine. But I hereby issue a request to all stake presidencies of this worldwide church – please, PLEASE, delegate this responsibility to the female stake leaders. Don’t do it yourself ever again. And hey – thank you. I genuinely appreciate the free Thanksgiving workout facility! But for the other 364 days of the year, you’ll only ever find me sporting a tank top and yoga pants at the local gym, because I HATE SLEEVES WHILE EXERCISING. And I will, forever and ever, amen.

PS: I googled “Elder’s Quorum basketball games” just for fun after finishing this blog post. I found many, many YouTube videos of championship games filmed in Latter-day Saint cultural halls around the world. Interestingly, every single game had a number of boys and men wearing tank tops. So, is this a double standard? Or are all of these men doing the same thing I did a year ago at Thanksgiving, wearing tank tops without realizing it’s not allowed? What do we think?

Share this: Twitter

Facebook

Pinterest

