Atherton Bartelby is a Brooklyn-based graphic designer, art director, writer, blogger, and photographer. He authors a blog at Curious Affairs.

We've all been there: You're at a party hosted by that one fabulous friend, and populated with the best of your mutual circle of friends. The atmosphere is almost carbonated with excitement; the guests' personalities flawlessly compliment each other; and the conversations that abound are infused with intelligence, caustic wit, and a wide variety of knowledge that ensures the complete absence of any pregnant, awkward pauses. Then, it happens: someone appears who just doesn't...fit.

A similar phenom happens on Twitter. You're having conversations with your established Twitter friends, you're broadcasting useful information, news, or links to your followers, and you're "engaging your Tribe," etc., when suddenly, someone begins following you who, much like that previously referenced party guest, just doesn't fit. This is the person whose follow on Twitter you simply cannot bring yourself to return. This is the follow fail.

Run any number of searches on Google or Alexa and you will arrive at a veritable host of articles offering endless lists of tips on "how to get more followers on Twitter." What you will not find are lists compiled by Twitter "power users" regarding the major reasons why they will or will not return a Twitter follower's follow when it happens, and this is my gift to you: "The Top Ten Reasons Why *I* Will Not Follow You In Return On Twitter."

1. You have no user avatar

...or your user avatar is neither a personalized photograph nor reflective of a brand.

More important than whether or not your Twitter profile background is "designed" is how you choose to present yourself in that seemingly insignificant 48x48 pixel square. If that square is empty, impersonal, or otherwise lacking any qualities that will immediately allow me to visually associate it with you, that is an immediate Follow Fail. If I am going to build a Twitter relationship with you, I want to see you, or your brand, and not, however humorous I may find it, a screen capture of a magical leoplurodon.

2. You list no location, no website, or no bio

Clearly, Twitter is all about brevity. So how difficult is it to provide a few additional characters of information that may offer potential followers more impetus to follow you in return? I've returned countless follows from users whose Twitter streams I've found "meh," but whose listed blogs, sites, or portfolios were too amazing to not follow, or whose 160-character bios were too humorous/intriguing to pass up, or who were in the same city as me and therefore potential project collaborators.

These fields take two seconds to populate; it would behoove you to take those two seconds to populate them.

3. Your "website" listed is a MySpace profile

...or, far worse, an AngelFire "page."

I'll admit it: I had a MySpace profile...until I deleted it a year ago when it became obvious that only teenagers and musicians were still using it. I also had a GeoCities/AngelFire "page"...for my very first website when I first got on the Internet in 1994. If the Twitter user in question happens to be an actual teenager, or musician whose MySpace presence truly works for them, then fine. But I tend to pass over those users whose proffered web presence is, well, clearly doing it wrong.

It doesn't take much these days to establish a web presence that seems genuine and thoughtful, and appears to intend to attract and build an online community based on the content it provides. AngelFire pages simply don't communicate that.

4. You're following over 1,000 users, have 20 followers, and no updates

...or, worse, one update that includes a shamefully ill-constructed mention of Jason Calacanis.

Who, aside from those running Twitter apps that automatically follow and unfollow followers, would add these Twitter users? While I may every so often and uncharacteristically give these users a chance, simply to see what sort of content, if any, they may eventually provide, the gratuitous mention of any higher-profile Twitterer or web-famous personality means little more to me than that you were properly able to spell "Calacanis" or "Kawasaki."

5. Your profile features any variation of "Internet expert"

...or "social media expert" and you have very few and/or insubstantial updates.

While I generally loathe any mention of the word "expert" in a Twitter bio, it is particularly egregious when paired with a Twitter stream of only five updates, or one with a plethora of updates that make me question your "expert" status. You're an "expert" who is only now tweeting about a Twitter app that everyone else was tweeting about two months ago? How awesome for you! #instantfollowfail

6. Your updates clearly indicate that your Twitter activity is always, only, about pushing your own service/product

So, you have decided to use Twitter as an online marketing tool in order to sell your amazing service and/or product, and you make this glaringly obvious. I find this fabulous, because not only must this tactic be working for you, but it also allows me to immediately decide whether or not I want to follow you in return.

Since I do not use Twitter in this manner, I rarely follow any of these users in return, unless said product or service genuinely piques my interest/desire to support it.

7. Your following and my return follow result in a poorly-constructed auto-DM reading, "Thx for the follow! How can I help you get to a 4-Hour Work Week?"

I've several Twitter friends who employ the automatic direct message tool upon any new follows, but their messages are carefully crafted and, well, thoughtful, and go far beyond the garden variety "click my junk" automatic direct message. As I am an intelligent, savvy, thinking Twitter user, I am more than capable of reading all about how you can help me get to a 4-hour work week by consulting your Twitter stream, Twitter background, or website. An impersonal automatic direct message from you along these lines does not impress me, it insults my intelligence.

8. Your most recent updates make references to any need to achieve "more Twitter followers"

...or "enough new followers to reach 10,000 followers by midnight!"

For me, Twitter is not a shallow popularity contest, it is about forging interesting connections and conversations with other people. My Twitter followers are far more to me than a simple follower count: they are friends, they are colleagues, they are collaborators, they are peers, and they are sources. To follow someone in return whose only intent is clearly to acquire more followers would be to devalue the esteem with which I hold my other followers.

9. Your Twitter stream indicates a propensity for consistent arguing

...with your followers/random Twitter users/really anyone.

I am all for intelligent debate on any topic, and I've been lucky so far in meeting Twitter followers who are still able to politely debate about a variety of passionate topics without constant and vitriolic argumentation. If your Twitter stream is filled with nothing but mean-spirited opinions and argumentation that only advance your own beliefs and allow no consideration of others' views, then my Twitter stream is definitely not for you.

10. You do not engage your Twitter followers

Probably the most important reason why I will not return your follow, though, is if it is glaringly obvious that you do not engage your Twitter followers. Here I suppose I need to make a distinction between those Twitter users who use Twitter to broadcast their content, as opposed to everyone else; these broadcasters, in my experience, are generally the ones who are followed, not those who are following.

Obviously, engaging their followers is not a priority. Twitter is a major platform in social networking and social media, and they aren't called "social" networking and "social" media for nothing. There are other people out there, and if you are not engaging or interacting with those users who take the time to follow you for whatever reason, that is a huge follow fail in my book.

The three tenets

My list isn't perfect, and it is definitely personal and therefore biased, but it is a start toward exploring the differences between a successful Twitter follow attempt and an outright follow fail. In the end, and to return to those previously referenced lists of "how to get more followers on Twitter," I think there are really only three tenets that should be followed should you desire to build a successful and quality Twitter network:

1. Present a cohesive personal brand, or, if presenting a brand is too much for you, simply present a cohesive sense of yourself 2. Always be consistent in your use of Twitter, i.e., become known for the unique ways in which you use Twitter, and stick with what works for you 3. Engage with your network. Genuine engagement with your network of followers will ultimately ensure that your mobile number is retained, and not "lost," at the end of that fabulous party, and it will ensure that you don't (too often) commit any serious follow fails.

What do you consider follow fails? Tell us below in the comments.

Atherton Bartelby is a Brooklyn-based graphic designer, art director, writer, blogger, and photographer. An observer by nature, he enjoys studying the fascinating intricacies of interpersonal relationships, the design and media industries, and Internet culture, and faithfully records his observations in his blog, Curious Affairs.

Interested in more Twitter resources? Check these out:

- "HOW TO: Build Community on Twitter"

- "HOW NOT TO: Build Your Twitter Community"

- "HOW TO: Win Friends and Twinfluence People"

- "The 10 Users You'll Meet on Twitter"

Imagery courtesy of iStockPhoto, cwlawrence, swilmor, Sveta