Quick reminder: I’m already out about being gay. Anyone who knows me but doesn’t know this, simply doesn’t know me.

Part 1: What I’m here to actually come out about is something else. Something I honestly didn’t consider if or when I would come out about on this blog or anytime soon on here. The term “coming out”, for that which I’m coming out about, is something I recently read about online and became inspired to actually do. The article’s usage of “coming out” about this particular thing really opened me up to doing it.

Ok, what is it already?…I use cannabis/weed/420/pot/whatever the fuck you call it as a (psychedelic) entheogen. While it technically always has been considered an entheogen, I’m sure you’re aware that many/most people don’t see it this way. This is because our modern culture has made us forgotten the important value it has for our mind, spirituality, and ultimately, our soul. Luckily, we live in a day now where it’s at least becoming common knowledge that’s it’s a medicine for the body. But it’s potential to be used as a medicine for anything other than the physical body has been mostly ignored or forgotten in the modern day. I consider myself very fortunate that I’ve realized this. I also feel strongly that one of my purposes in life now is to impart this knowledge and technique of usage to others

Simply put, I use cannabis (as I refer to it these days) in exactly the same way people like Terence McKenna, Ram Dass, and Timothy Leary used cannabis, LSD, psilocybin, ayahuasca, etc….

Here’s the best part; I’m a legal CA medical marijuana patient (I actually just renewed my recommendation yesterday). What living in a state where it’s at least medically legal means is that in a time (and mostly country) where LSD, psilocybin, the like, is essentially completely illegal, in California, I can delve into my own mind/consciousness, grow spiritually, “dissolve boundaries” (as Terence put it so well), and be 100% worry free from legal troubles!

**Sorry if that was a run-on sentence…just make sure to read it and pause with the commas and hopefully it’ll make sense. My lousy writing skills don’t know how to fix run-ons very well after I’ve written them, which is often.

To summarize that run-on sentence, being legal, having a variety of product options, and having an awareness of the dosage I take has given me the still somewhat rare opportunity to use a seemingly unassuming “drug” in a way that gives me experiences that mirror, if only mildly, that of more powerful entheogens. Pretty crazy, right? It almost feels like I’m pulling one over on the Feds by knowing how to make the cannabis high similar to that of the LSD high. Of course, I’ve never taken LSD or mushrooms, so I don’t know what they’re really like, but from all of my research so far online, I’ve realized cannabis’ potential to give you a small taste of what one could expect on other/stronger entheogens. Nonetheless, I’ve discovered that cannabis can be quite a powerful entheogen in its own right, even with effects only mild compared to that of others.

Luckily for me, as marijuana approval goes up and more states make it semi or fully legal, they can’t do anything to stop this change of perspective like they did as a result of the LSD/entheogen movement(s) of the past. Legalizing cannabis, I believe will become their only choice.

Now imagine this: A future where a state or even the whole country legalizes cannabis fully. In this future, the government continues to think that it’s nothing more than a medicine for the body but continues to completely deny the fact/truth that it can be and ultimately is so much more. A tool…a spirit…a healer…a teacher…a medicine…for the mind, body, spirit, and soul.

Imagine a future where it’s legal throughout the land, and then it suddenly becomes unveiled by whomever that the cannabis high can begin the early stages of dissolving boundaries of the mind which the LSD trip manages to do with ease. That the cannabis high gives you a knowing and slight expectation of what to expect with more powerful entheogens and imparting knowledge on you that is life-changing. There would be no stopping a movement like it this time around. What would the government do at that point of discovery? Make cannabis illegal again? Make it legal to medicate for physical ailments but not for spiritual journeying? Not gonna happen.

This goes so far beyond some “stupid stoner shit”, that you cannot even imagine. Saying that this is “stupid stoner shit”, is essentially putting you in the same boat as most of society today who views entheogens as a way to ruin your life. But I digress…this notion of “ruining your life” is actually a breaking down of one’s own ego, becoming one with your subconscious and the Universe, and learning to let go of the feeling of materialistic importance. What is commonly considered “ruining your life” is actually the changing of your life for the better…in a way society currently doesn’t understand. We live in a world where ego rules all. Society today believes anything but this fact indicates something wrong with you. Tell that to the next person who says entheogens ruin your life. (If you take cocaine, heroin, or meth, it’s a different story)

This is a future I have seen/imagined when high and when sober. Yes, eventually one does not even require psychedelics as the ego continues on its journey towards dissolving. Though infrequent use can be a nice boost.

I feel our society today is still so strong-set in its beliefs thanks to media and government failing to say that cannabis is nothing more than what it appears to be on the surface…a dangerous drug…or a medicine for the body (for the forward thinkers). Do you understand that with the power of the mind we’re making this the truth by just believing it? Even in a future where it’s legal throughout the land, without some kind of insight being shared about the deeper spiritual aspects, I don’t see that future being one where people are accepting to the fact that far beyond just a medicine for the body. We need a future of openness and connection. Of positivity and love. A future not only of physically healthier people. The mind AND the body must be healthy to work together for its greatest good. One piece of this “big awakening” we’ve all been sitting around for forever includes the awareness and acceptance that not only is cannabis so much more than what we think, but is even, perhaps, an actual “gateway” to more easily understanding and accepting all of these amazing things.

Believe it or not, the phrase “cannabis is a gateway drug” used to mean that it was a beginner’s gateway to other realms, dimensions, and levels of consciousness. That’s where the mild entheogen idea comes in. It’s a window that lets you tap into things which you don’t yet understand. Stronger entheogens allow you to really delve into those other places, but cannabis gives you a knowing (without the crazy visuals) that they’re there…that they exist and always have. Essentially, if you don’t “friend” the beginner psychedelic spirit, cannabis, how can you become friends with its friends like psilocybin and ayahuasca? It’s always nice when you make mutual friends by getting introduced, right? Does it not work the same way with entheogens? Sadly, many have not taken these entheogens in the “order” I’m suggesting that might be a much better way to delve into them. Think about all those that took LSD or mushrooms first, had their intense experience, but didn’t necessarily know what to make of it. Maybe they had experiences with cannabis first, but they didn’t necessarily go into it in a certain way. Most likely, they went into it with the “I’m doing something cool and illegal” mindset and not a mindset of spiritual intentions. Imagine what THAT would be like if every youngster who tried cannabis for the first time went into it like what I’m suggesting. Again, cannabis, I believe, prepares you for the “trippier” entheogens. The other entheogens are more powerful, yes, but what I’m suggesting is that THC has potential too…potential to give a gateway not so much in seeing that which they don’t understand, but in gaining a knowing that that which they don’t understand exists. Just because cannabis isn’t as “trippy” as the other psychedelics doesn’t mean it doesn’t have its place in assisting that family.

Continuing on, while I wasn’t there, and I wish I were, ya’ know how the government stopped the LSD/entheogen movement(s) when they saw its potential to change the world for the better? Well, I feel as though I’ve tapped into a forgotten technique of using what’s quickly becoming a legal “drug” in the same exact way. At least as a place to jump off from, when so many are close-minded or troubled by these matters…almost lost, if you will. I imagine for most of you reading that you’re probably getting swayed into the wrong idea at this point. Again, evidence of a pre-conditioned mind/society. Try and think about it like this. Cannabis is not, nor do I think it is, LSD, or some other stronger entheogen. What it is, though, is a powerful “boundary dissolving” substance for…beginners. Beginners, meaning people who find themselves open-minded to using entheogens for spiritual purposes, but are not ready (as no one is) for something crazy or intense. That crazy and intense experience tends to be had to its fullest potential when someone is well-versed in these things. Those people being shamans, Terence McKenna, Timothy Leary, Ram Dass…the great psychonauts throughout history. Of course, you don’t have to be these people to have positive and profound experiences, but one important difference between them and the rest of us is their knowledge, intention, and practice with entheogens.

Ultimately we live in a day where people are “afraid” of entheogens for reasons that are only apparent to them on the surface. Delving in from the surface, one might discover they’re actually afraid of what it could do to them. For many, I think the part of them that is actually afraid is their ego. It is a situation where either their ego does not know how quickly it would be broken apart or, perhaps, it does know, and is petrified of the idea of itself dissolving. The ego feels as though any “boundary dissolving” experiences is absolute suicide. Certainly, it’s fair to say that these experiences are ego “suicide”, but why not see it from the perspective of voluntary ego “murder”? A taking back of the control of the ego…So I ask again….why are YOU afraid?

Here’s a thought I had: There’s this whole billionaires losing money side to the legality of the entheogens, right? But consider this…that there may be other reasons too. Again, look at how wonderful the psychedelic movement(s) of the past were…the change that was happening. The revolution. Do you honestly think the government was not aware of what psychedelics can do for people and society? The good they cause? The oneness? The healing? The passion for change? Trust, they have got to know. So consider this, why then are these entheogens illegal today? Because that’s how the government ultimately keeps under wrap the wonderful and positive change the entheogens can make happen. They’re of course in wraps with the media, too. They do everything they can to tell you it’s bad with the hope that you never touch entheogens. (God for fucking bid some good should come to this world) And what does not touching them change? Nothing. Just as they want. And it conditions the next generation to do and think the same. God for fucking bid some good should come to this world, right? And what of those people that know the positive impact that lies within? They’re considered crazy…outcasts…sickened…bad…wrong. Pray tell, why is exploring your inner consciousness and bettering yourself bad?…I don’t know either. Of course, there’s no arguing with the crazy/corrupt, is there?

Sorry (not sorry) if this angers you, but ultimately you are a product of the media and government if you have a strong disdain towards entheogens. The native people and shamans never viewed these wonderful psychedelics from the Earth as bad. You become a free soul when you experience these things yourself. No matter how much you read and hear about how great or bad entheogens are, you ultimately have to make the decision if you want to change for the better, and then experience them for yourself…the right way…to really get it.

Time and time again these entheogens have been proven to heal people all around. They’re sometimes considered the “easy” way of healing the connection to the soul. Yes, meditation and other conservative spiritual practices have the potential to do the same, after many years of work, but why do you think the “normal” forms of spiritual practices are legal yet the one tried-and-true method proven to spiritually awaken people at lightning speed is not? Make up your own mind.

Of course, many will call this a conspiracy theory, but conspiracy theories tend to be ideas that many find completely insane and wrong. This idea, though, I think resonates with many people, naturally.

Someone said to me today, “Don’t do these drugs!” I responded with, “Don’t do what? I’m not doing anything that’s physically dangerous like meth or coke or heroin. I’m using entheogens to dissolve boundaries of my mind and spirituality. Is that so wrong?” They have yet to respond. Let me ask, what truly are your fears about doing these things? Is it because you think they harm you somehow? I invite you to do your research. I would like to inform you that the fears you have are based on outdated information. Are you afraid because the media, society, and the government tells you to be? Are you still afraid even after having done insightful research and come to your own decision without outside influence? Or is it simply because you or someone you know had a terrible experience, and you’re now trying to instill these judgmental fears based on an individual, albeit negative, occurrence. I kindly invite you to try and think for yourself and not let the world around you think for you. By letting others think for you is it not true that you’re allowing the super ego of others to influence your own?

As a side note, I find it strange that many people who experience and teach the spiritual use of entheogens commonly say something like, “I do not endorse/condone the use of illegal substances.” How strange this is, is it not? Well, let me make this perfectly fucking clear to you…because I have seen and/or understood what these “illegal substances” can do to your ego and spirituality. I am clearly saying now that I do fully condone the usage of entheogenic substances for spiritual purposes. Because, hey, who the fuck am I to stop you on your wonderful life-changing journey? As a disclaimer, I will be safe…if you’re using cocaine, meth, heroine, or other non-entheogenic substances because you’re addicted, I don’t condone that. If you’re using LSD, cannabis, psilocybin, ayahuasca, etc. and believe you feel as though you need it, I do not condone that either. What I do condone, though, is your extensive research, preparedness, and positive intention setting with the entheogen you have an interest in, your deep reflection and openness about why you think it could benefit you spiritually (A.K.A. any goals you have), and your readiness and acceptance for the wonderful things it’s going to do for you and show you. Try, for just a second, to hear that what I’m saying in short, is that if you go into these things with knowledge, preparedness, openness, positive intentions, etc. then I see no reason why you can’t dissolve the boundaries of your own ego and explore consciousness how you see fit. It is a human right. But again, I cannot stress enough that while it is not my place to stop you from doing “hardcore” and proven-to-be-dangerous substances that ultimately is not going to serve you well, I strongly advise against it. Because anyways, if you could hold off on the “hard shit” for one night and have a deep conversation with yourself while on an entheogen about what’s at the root of your addiction, I’m sure you’d “see the light”. I believe it can be that simple. Maybe not for all at first, but nonetheless, simple. Doable.

Now, I ask you this, why is the murdering/suicide/dissolving of the ego a bad thing? Why do people see it is as negative? Why are they afraid of this concept and one unique process for how reach this point? Again, it goes back to a power-hungry and virulent ego.

Time and time again, these matters all seem to come back to a power-hungry ego.

Here’s a side question: If all religions claim that their journey to “God”, “Source”, or whatever/whoever the fuck, is the right/only way, is it not the growth and corruption of the ego that ultimately has led to many religions thinking they are the right/only way to the Divine? I’m not sitting here telling you entheogens are the right or only way, am I? So why in the fuck do others think they have a right to say their way is the right/only way? I know in my soul that there are many paths to awakening/enlightenment/God/Source, so why must we continue to live in a world where ego rules and is allowed to destroy everything? Might I put out there that any and all religions that behave as though their methods are the right/only way to the Divine, is and essentially has become a religion that is entirely ruled and controlled by the ego. All hail ego! Well, bullshit, I’m gonna operate differently.

So you tell me…if ego always has been and clearly will continue to be the downfall of man, what is there to do? Give up? No. Quite the opposite. I know that if the world wakes the fuck it’ll be a better place, as so many do. And so that’s why this is all so important.

What I’m ultimately getting at here is that a certain type of use of entheogens is perhaps one very “easy” way to help people slap themselves out of their conscious/waking coma to true awakening. Waking up from my own “coma” these past several months has been Earth-shattering. There really aren’t even proper words to describe it. But what I can say, is once awoken, a person seems to find it impossible to go back the other way. It is so deeply rooted in their inner being that they couldn’t undo this undying passion for good and change even if they somehow wanted it.

It’s fair to say that cannabis has given me this window or “gateway” (as originally defined) to other things in this universe that many cannot even fathom. I wish so very badly now to share this insight with others.

I’ve gained an understanding and interest in things in a much deeper way, too. Now feeling like I can understand more complex things much easier than ever before. To really break them apart and see them in a simpler way for what they are. Even day-to-day life and conversations with people. Of course, I’m not meaning to imply I’m suddenly a genius, but imagine if a genius like Stephen Hawking used entheogens. My God.

Part 2: I’ve been working and still learning and developing techniques that will help a person’s open up to cannabis’ spiritual potential. What’s important to say, is that none of these techniques involve anything religious. No praying, no books, no rituals…it’s all very “technical” things that really get away from the religious aspects in order to (dare I say) bypass the feeling of the need to pray or become religious. What you discover within yourself that speaks to you in religious forms during any process is your business and your freedom to interpret how you wish. The goal isn’t even to necessarily make you (more) religious. Simply, to assist in perhaps kickstarting a lifelong spiritual journey. Once awakened, you’ll know what to do.

I certainly see the potential to meet/talk to new/old friends in all of this. Knowing that I can truly connect with people who are on a similar plane of consciousness and journey as myself is something I feel is partly lacking for me now. I imagine myself, and anyone else I speak to in similar positions would feel the same kind of fulfillment in connecting with similarly-minded people. I don’t just wish to meet, I wish to vibrationally connect with these people. As much as I believe a spiritual journey is of the self and for the self, I think to create a balance between self and other is important.

Part 3: At the time of writing this next bit, I currently am sitting at the Studio City overlook on Mulholland Drive. I want you to know this because I found I simply had to have some alone time with some peace and quiet. I kid you not, aloneness and peace (amongst other things) is something I now view as more luxurious and fulfilling than materialistic things like riches and fame.

Anyway, I went to get some bubble tea near Hollywood Blvd., and the noisiness of the city simply would not cease. Not that I expected it to, though. But during the beginnings of this spiritual journey of mine, currently every sound, and person and energy is so much more vibrant. Not so much in a way LSD does this, but certainly more vibrant than how I experienced day-to-day life even a month or a week ago. Due to this, “bad” sounds and energies are absolutely unnerving for me. I don’t know if this is the right way to go about thinking of energy, but it certainly is very real to me just how…intense all these things are to me now. Again, because of how I use cannabis. Cannabis used as an entheogen is helping me become more aware of everything around me. It’s not as scary as perhaps it may sound or would have one think. It’s quite fantastical to experience, actually. Notice I said fantastical and not fantastic. It’s intense, I’ll tell you. I’ve realized that if cannabis opened me up to what I feel, see, hear, smell, and taste now, it’s no wonder that people who suddenly do LSD/etc. in conservative ways/mindsets find themselves completely ungrounded and in utter shock from their experiences. I, myself, don’t feel ungrounded. In fact, I’d say I feel rooted in a very focused and positive kind of way (perhaps due in part to wearing black tourmaline). I believe this is why I still have trouble letting go of more that I still could when I get high. Oh BTW, here’s a little tidbit I tell people: I don’t get stoned, incapacitated, or put into a physical and mental stupor, I get high. One way I’ve realized this can be done is something very few people seem to do, microdose their THC intake. I won’t go on too much about this, but basically, I’ve found that a 15mg dose of an Indica edible is a wonderful and safe dose for me that still manages to include these intense spiritual experiences/insight. Certainly, higher doses done responsibly can result in wonderful things, too, but microdosing has its perks.

Goodness, this post got fucking long, fucking quick. There’s always so much these days that I love sharing, but it’s so much it makes every thought I wish to share become lengthy and complex when written or spoken.

I’m gonna go back to my place soon. Away from this nice view and clean-ish air back into the city with its crazy drivers and smog-ridden atmosphere. I never look forward to returning to the city. Here’s an insight I’ve had, I have to get out of the city. The deepest parts of my soul scream in pain and unhappiness in the context of where I live. I’m currently doing extensive research into what city might possibly suit me. I feel I know what I’m truly looking for now, as I only thought I knew when I first moved to LA, but those were entirely materialistic goals.

So now I share with a piece of a conversation that, while relaxing at the scenic overlook, I texted my mom about. This is but one, albeit good, piece of evidence of what cannabis alone has to offer for dissolving boundaries. And I wasn’t even high when I figured this out. But boundaries have now been dissolved (thanks to cannabis) just enough that I am quite capable currently of having this deep and profound insight while sober. Here the text:

“I think I figured out something really important about myself tonight. I think that perhaps, I don’t have a neurochemical issue that causes my depression. I think that every episode of depression I’ve ever had has been at the root of it, entirely situational. I can forsee a day where I’m not taking depression medication anymore because of being in a positive enough and long-lasting enough situation of which I have not yet experienced before. In regards to the anxiety and panic attacks and the medication for that, I am not yet sure… I haven’t yet figured that out for myself… But I’m sure there’s an answer that will be sorted out at some point. If any part of this idea is correct, and I truly, finally, become a master of my depression, then I have to take advantage of this knowledge to its fullest.”

Pretty fucking cool/deep, right? I think so.

Part 4: Now, with every day, I’m finding that materialistic things are losing their value more and more. As my ego continues the lengthy and lifelong process of becoming dissolved, I find my views of the ego-feeding materialistic importance of things wonderfully slipping away from me. I ask you, though, how can my spiritual journey continue when the only way to avoid ego and materialistic importance while living in LA is to isolate myself in my room or on a mountain top? That’s why I feel I need to leave. Pronto.

I feel myself growing spiritually more sick with every passing day. Now that I know what life can be, what else there is beyond normal human comprehension, I feel I cannot get that in LA. I feel so very alone and, dare I say, a bit scared in this spiritual journey. But overall, I’m doing my best to stay positive, connect with others, and learn from the greats, because I know things will be looking up for me soon. But on the surface of this deep and insightful work, I’m basically a sitting duck here now. Waiting out what happens next.

I think it’s important to form a working marriage/balance between spiritual growth and materialistic things which society says is important. Why? Because ultimately I know I have to support myself and be an independent person. In all honesty, though, if working at McDonald’s for a while in some wonderful spiritual city means I can grow spiritually and begin the process of becoming independent, then that is the journey in which I know deep in my soul I am meant to take. At this point, the only reason I want to make money is so I can support myself in order to ultimately become more spiritual. I do not feel as though I need to be rich in order to do this, either. No one does. But obviously, some money spent to become educated from others would be a reason to try and get a job where I make more money than at McDonald’s. If I start with a minimum wage job and work my way towards making a little more at a time, I think that would be wonderful. Because, hey, who am I trying to impress? No one. Not even myself, necessarily. I’m just trying to properly continue along and live out my spiritual journey as I see fit. Who is anyone on this Earth to judge me for how I choose to go about that?

Until I figure all this out, which I am trying to stay positive about, here I am. Sitting on a mountaintop simply existing. Not thriving or being happy, even. Of course, finding happiness here and there, but ultimately just existing. Do I want more than this? Do I want my acquired unhappiness/borderline stupor to end? Do I ultimately want to strive toward a better and happier future for myself? Of. Fucking. Course.

I hope I didn’t bore with what may easily be the longest “coming out” in history. If anything I’ve said resonates with you, PLEASE engage in conversation with me. Thank you.

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