What I mean is, are you being a fake to yourself? I was. I sort of started realizing this this year, in little ways. It’s almost cliche it’s such and Oprah eipsode- woman has kids and stops taking care of herself. But I don’t mean in a way that can be fixed with a makeover and a good colorist (well, that would help!). I’m talking about deep down. Does your life around you match who you really are? Who your soul and essence are? Mine haven’t totally for a while. I did have kids, and I work part time, and we struggled financially for a while, and man I was maxed out. I ate food that was less healthy because it was convenient and came in a boil in the bag package. I didn’t compost. I dressed sloppy and boring. I stopped running. And writing. I lost the mojo of my life. There is a wonderful saying, “What is within is without” meaning whatever is going on in your internal life is shown by what’s going on in your external life. If your internal life is chaotic and stressed, your living space is probably a mess with an old bath robe thrown over a piece of pizza and important mail under a pile of unmatched socks. If your internal world is not juicy and alive and plugged into your soul, your external world may be lackluster, career not going as you’d like, home not juicy and renewing to be in. You get the picture. If you’re full of rage you probably have angry friends and are always in conflict at work and at the store and yelling at your cat. That kind of thing. So for me I ended up living in a super wealthy and snobby and not diverse suburb of NYC. Don’t get me wrong it’s wonderful in some ways (great schools, gorgeous beach, safe…), but it SO does not reflect my true inner world. I’ve been dressing in beige sweaters and jeans for years because…well because they were clean and I have kids and that’s totally success if you can have the combo of a clean outfit and kids so I didn’t care what it was. But I had let my life get beige. My marriage got beige and almost fell apart. We just weren’t living our real lives.

This post is about looking at our actual out in the world lives. Not what we are thinking. I can think about healthy food but get drive through McD’s and that’s not a match. I can say I’m green but buy convenient super packaged food and not recycle or compost but that’s not a match. And this isn’t about judgement. It doesn’t matter for the sake of this post what the match is, just make sure your world actually matches, in and out. If it’s important to your inner world to look really good, then dust off that makeup bag and plug in your hair iron. If it’s that you feel very strongly about something political, go to a march, donate $1 if that’s what you can, volunteer. But match. It’s about doing. Creating. Sort of the opposite of how important it is to meditate and go inward. This is about the outward. Are you all talk (even self talk)? Or if someone looked at you and your home and your choices and your everything, would they see a reflection of your soul? Otherwise your soul isn’t really happy. You aren’t plugged into what really feeds you, and you aren’t being authentic. I know, I did it for a few years. I mean I’m always kooky and I do acupuncture and meditate and am generally who I am. But a lot of my external life wasn’t a match and I told myself it didn’t matter. But it did. I wasn’t lying to anyone, but I also wasn’t me. Suddenly I got it. I have to compost (for some reason this is so important to me, almost symbolic of my being authentic), I like to dress funky even if I’m in a town full of Stepford wives, I need to write to feel good, it’s important for me to eat well, to eat as organically as I can afford, to support local businesses, the list goes on. But when I get off track I don’t do these things and it just feels bad.

No one but you will ever know if your inside doesn’t match your outside. You won’t ever be called out on this except in your own heart as no one knows what’s inside unless you show them. But when the outer world matches the inner world, that’s when authenticity starts, that’s when we feel real and empowered and happy and fearless because there is no disguise, and no hiding, and no excuses and no false statements. You’re just you. And it feels great. It’s like that fabulous outfit you once bought, or dreamed of buying, where the top and the bottoms and the accessories all match and you feel like a million bucks walking around in it. It’s like that perfectly matching outfit – for the soul. 🙂