BBC Question Time will spend a full hour discussing Jeremy Corbyn’s tax return and why it proves he is definitely unelectable, it has been decided.

Speaking in her capacity as spokesperson for the Conservative Party, the BBC’s Laura Kuenssberg said: “It is unfair and unpatriotic of Jeremy Corbyn to divert attention away from his proven unelectability and onto the obviously dodgy tax affairs of senior Conservatives such as Philip Hammond or Theresa May.”

“Fortunately, the BBC stands ready to hold the Labour leader to account for his antidemocratic and unpatriotic opposition to this government, which has an unchallengeable mandate to do anything it wants under the guise of the will of the people.”

“And that is why this week’s Question Time will be dedicated in its entirety to smearing Jeremy Corbyn even more than normal.”

“Theresa May asked us to ensure that the opening question is ‘does the panel agree with everybody in Britain that Jeremy Corbyn is an unelectable tax dodger, and when do you think he should resign?'”

“The second question will see the panel asked why they think Theresa May is loved so much by the people, and how brilliant things will be when she takes us out of the EU.”

“In the unlikely event that an anti-Tory audience member manages to speak, they will be overdubbed with a recording of New Labour attack dog John McTernan ranting about Jeremy Corbyn.”

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