Case #8374658 – March 28th, 4:52 PM. Suspect is a red-haired woman over the age of thirty. She identifies herself as Amber Dawn, and is filed in our Must Implement Liberal Frisking, or MILF, category. Store employees report that the suspect has been observed pocketing items from the sales floor. A search reveals that the suspect has hidden a pearl bracelet in her vaginal cavity. The rest of this case is classified. Evidence logged on March 28, 2020.