African Americans

Trump is currently polling at 0-1 per cent among African Americans. (In some districts, they couldn’t find a single supporter.) However, Trump has stated that when he runs for his second term as president, ‘I guarantee you that I will get over 95 per cent of the African American vote. I promise you. Because I will produce.’

Women

Trump: ‘There’s nothing I love more than women, but they’re really a lot different than portrayed. They are far worse than men, far more aggressive, and boy, can they be smart!’

The Modest

Interviewer: ‘Who are you talking to consistently – since we have some dire foreign policy issues percolating around the world right now – who are you consulting with consistently so that you’re ready on day one?’ Trump: ‘I’m speaking with myself, number one, because I have a very good brain, and I’ve said a lot of things.’

Peace Lovers

Trump: ‘I’m good at war. I’ve had a lot of wars of my own. I’m really good at war. I love war in a certain way. But only when we win.’

Mexican Americans

Trump: ‘Our leaders are stupid, our politicians are stupid, and the Mexican government is much smarter, much sharper, much more cunning, and they send the bad ones over because they don’t want to pay for them, they don’t want to take care of them. Why should they, when the stupid leaders of the United States will do it for them? And that’s what’s happening, whether you like it or not.’ ‘They’re forcing people into our country … And they are drug dealers and they are criminals of all kinds. We are taking Mexico’s problems.’

Women

Trump: ‘Love him or hate him, Donald Trump is a man who is certain about what he wants and sets out to get it, no holds barred. Women find his power almost as much of a turn-on as his money.’

The Morally Concerned

Trump: ‘They asked me: “What do you think about waterboarding, Mr Trump?” I said I love it. I love it. I think it’s great.’

Vietnam Veterans

Trump (on sexually transmitted diseases): ‘I’ve been so lucky in terms of that whole world. It is a dangerous world out there – it’s scary, like Vietnam. Sort of like the Vietnam era. It is my personal Vietnam. I feel like a great and very brave soldier.’ (Trump received a physical deferment from the draft during the Vietnam War because of a problem with his foot, although he can no longer remember which foot. He was a football, squash and tennis player at the time.)

African Americans

Trump: ‘I have a great relationship with the blacks.’

Muslim Americans

Trump: ‘They’re here. And I’ve been saying. This is going to be like the Trojan horse. We’re letting tens of thousands of people flow into this country and they are bringing in, in many cases, this is cancer from within. This is something that’s going to be so tough and you know they stay together, so nobody really knows who it is, what’s happening. They are plotting. They keep plotting, and this has been going on for so long and everybody knows it …’

Michael Bloomberg

After the former Republican New York mayor endorsed Clinton at the Democratic Convention (‘Let’s elect a sane, competent person’), Trump said: ‘I was gonna hit one guy in particular, a very little guy, I was gonna hit this guy so hard, his head would spin, he wouldn’t know what the hell happened.’

The Reality-Based

Trump: ‘Isis is honouring President Obama. He is the founder of Isis. He is the founder of Isis, OK? He is the founder. He founded Isis. And I would say the cofounder would be crooked Hillary Clinton.’

The Gastronomically Inclined

Trump on McDonald’s: ‘I’m a very clean person. I like cleanliness. I think you’re better off going there than someplace you have no idea where the food is coming from. It’s a certain standard. The one thing about the big franchises: one bad hamburger, you can destroy McDonald’s. One bad hamburger, you take Wendy’s and all these other places and they’re out of business.’ He has tweeted photos of himself eating KFC chicken on his private jet and something called a ‘taco bowl’, unknown in Latin America, with the caption ‘I love Hispanics!’

Peace Lovers

Trump: ‘With nuclear, the power, the devastation is very important to me.’

The Logical

Interviewer: ‘They talk about the presidency and who has the finger on the button. The United States has not used nuclear weapons since 1945. When should it?’ Trump: ‘Well, it is an absolute last stance. And, you know, I use the word “unpredictable”. You want to be unpredictable. And somebody recently said – I made a great business deal. And the person on the other side was interviewed by a newspaper. And how did Trump do this? And they said: “He’s so unpredictable.” And I didn’t know if he meant it positively or negative. It turned out he meant it positively.’

Mothers with Babies

Trump notoriously dislikes the usual campaign practices of shaking hands, kissing babies, mingling in small crowds. He prefers to address large rallies and then fly to one of his homes at night. When a baby began crying at a rally in Virginia, he responded: ‘I love babies. I hear that baby cry, I like it. What a baby. What a beautiful baby. Don’t worry, don’t worry. The mom’s running around, like, don’t worry about it, you know. It’s young and beautiful and healthy and that’s what we want.’ Two minutes later he said: ‘Actually I was only kidding, you can get the baby out of here. I think she really believed me that I love having a baby crying while I’m speaking. That’s OK. People don’t understand. That’s OK.’

Scientists

Trump (tweets): ‘This very expensive GLOBAL WARMING bullshit has got to stop. Our planet is freezing, record low temps, and our GW scientists are stuck in ice.’ ‘Snowing in Texas and Louisiana, record-setting freezing temperatures throughout the country and beyond. Global warming is an expensive hoax!’

The Non-Violent

Trump: ‘I will get rid of gun-free zones on schools, and – you have to – and on military bases. My first day, it gets signed, OK? My first day. There’s no more gun-free zones.’

The Historically Minded

Trump (on how he would deal with terrorists, invoking General ‘Black Jack’ Pershing in the Philippines, 1909-13): ‘They were having terrorism problems, just like we do. And he caught fifty terrorists who did tremendous damage and killed many people. And he took the fifty terrorists, and he took fifty men and he dipped fifty bullets in pigs’ blood – you heard that, right? He took fifty bullets, and he dipped them in pigs’ blood. And he had his men load his rifles, and he lined up the fifty people, and they shot 49 of those people. And the fiftieth person, he said: You go back to your people, and you tell them what happened. And for 25 years, there wasn’t a problem. OK? Twenty-five years, there wasn’t a problem.’ (The story is apparently the invention of white supremacist websites.)

Peace Lovers

Trump: ‘When Iran, when they circle our beautiful destroyers with their little boats, and they make gestures at our people that they shouldn’t be allowed to make, they will be shot out of the water.’

The Educated

Trump (after winning the Nevada caucus): ‘We won with poorly educated. I love the poorly educated.’

Peace Lovers

Trump: ‘I know more about Isis than the generals do, believe me … I would bomb the shit out of them.’

The Non-Violent

Trump (at a rally): ‘There may be somebody with tomatoes in the audience. If you see somebody getting ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out of them, would you? Seriously. OK? Just knock the hell – I promise you, I will pay for the legal fees.’

Gold Star Mothers

Gold Star Mothers, since World War One, has honoured the parents of those who died in combat. (Now that the Boy Scouts admit gays, it may be the last sacrosanct organisation in the USA.) The emotional highpoint of the Democratic Convention was the appearance of the parents of US Army Captain Humayun Khan, who was killed in 2004 by a car bomb in Iraq. Criticising Trump’s proposed ban on Muslims, Khizr Khan said: ‘Donald Trump, you are asking Americans to trust you with our future. Let me ask you: Have you even read the US Constitution? I will gladly lend you my copy … Have you ever been to Arlington Cemetery? Go look at the graves of brave patriots who died defending the United States of America. You will see all faiths, genders and ethnicities. You have sacrificed nothing and no one.’ Trump struck back, and continued to criticise the Khans for weeks. ‘I was viciously attacked on the stage, and I have a right to answer back.’ As for sacrifices, he said: ‘I think I’ve made a lot of sacrifices. I work very, very hard. I’ve created thousands and thousands of jobs, tens of thousands of jobs, built great structures. I’ve had tremendous success. I think I’ve done a lot.’ Humayun Khan’s grave at Arlington has become a tourist attraction.

Women

Trump: ‘If Hillary Clinton can’t satisfy her husband, what makes her think she can satisfy America?’

Chinese Americans

Trump: ‘When the students poured into Tiananmen Square, the Chinese government almost blew it. Then they were vicious, they were horrible, but they put it down with strength. That shows you the power of strength.’

The Humourless

Trump: ‘[Saudi Arabians] take such advantage of us with the oil … and they laugh at this country.’ ‘I know many of the people in China, I know many of the big business people, and they’re laughing at us.’ ‘The world is laughing at us.’ ‘After Syria, our enemies are laughing!’ ‘Mexican leadership has been laughing at us for many years.’ ‘The Persians are great negotiators. They are laughing at the stupidity of the deal we’re making.’ ‘We can’t afford to be so nice and so foolish anymore. Our country is in trouble. Isis is laughing at us.’

Veterans

Trump: ‘You know something very nice just happened to me. A man came up to me and he handed me his Purple Heart. He said: “That’s my real Purple Heart. I have such confidence in you.” And I said: “Man, that’s like big stuff. I’ve always wanted to get the real Purple Heart. This was much easier.”’ The Purple Heart is awarded to members of the military wounded or killed in combat. After the rally, the man told reporters that it was actually a copy of a Purple Heart.

Vietnam Veterans

Trump (on John McCain): ‘He’s not a war hero. He’s a war hero because he was captured. I like people that weren’t captured, OK? I hate to tell you. He’s a war hero because he was captured, OK?’ (McCain has since endorsed Trump.)

Scientists

Trump (tweet): ‘The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make US manufacturing non-competitive.’ Asked by an interviewer to explain, he said: ‘I know much about climate change. I’d be – received environmental awards. And I often joke that this is done for the benefit of China. Obviously, I joke. But this is done for the benefit of China, because China does not do anything to help climate change. They burn everything you could burn; they couldn’t care less. They have very – you know, their standards are nothing. But they – in the meantime, they can undercut us on price. So it’s very hard on our business.’

The Morally Concerned

Trump: ‘The other thing with the terrorists is you have to take out their families, when you get these terrorists, you have to take out their families. They care about their lives, don’t kid yourself. When they say they don’t care about their lives, you have to take out their families.’ Rand Paul (responding at a Republican debate): ‘If you are going to kill the families of terrorists, realise that there’s something called the Geneva Convention we’re going to have to pull out of.’

The Mathematically Precise

Trump has tweeted that homicide statistics show that 81 per cent of murdered whites are killed by blacks. According to the FBI, 82 per cent of murdered whites are killed by whites.

Neocons

In August, fifty major Republican leaders and cheerleaders of the Contra War, the invasion of Afghanistan, the War on Terror and the Iraq War signed an open letter unironically stating that Trump ‘would be a dangerous president and would put at risk our country’s national security and well-being … Mr Trump lacks the character, values and experience to be president. He weakens US moral authority as the leader of the free world. He appears to lack basic knowledge about and belief in the US Constitution, US laws and US institutions.’ Neocons are particularly alarmed by Trump’s isolationism, his support of and by Vladimir Putin, eagerness to withdraw from Nato and most international defence and trade agreements, his mafia-style protection racket proposal to have nations pay for their defence, and his real estate wheeler-dealer-style proposal – take it or get nothing – to only pay back a percentage of the national debt.

Women

Trump interrupted Clinton 51 times during the first debate.

The Bush Family

George Sr and Barbara have privately told friends they’re voting for Clinton. Laura has ‘hinted’ to the press that she supports Clinton. George Jr will not endorse anyone. Jeb recently said that it ‘would be a pretty powerful political statement’ if ‘everybody didn’t vote’ this year.

Peace Lovers

Trump supports nuclear weapons for South Korea and Japan: ‘And frankly, the case could be made, that let them protect themselves against North Korea. They’d probably wipe them out pretty quick … And if they fight, you know what, that would be a terrible thing, terrible. Good luck folks, enjoy yourself. If they do, they do.’

Tax-Payers

In the first debate, when Clinton speculated that Trump had not released his tax returns because they would show that he doesn’t pay any taxes, he interrupted to say: ‘That makes me smart.’ A week later, it was revealed that Trump took a loss of over $900 million on his 1995 returns, meaning he probably had to pay no taxes for the next 18 years. Rudolph Giuliani, Trump’s most ubiquitous supporter, commented: ‘The man’s a genius. He knows how to operate the tax code for the people that he’s serving. Don’t you think a man who has this kind of economic genius is a lot better for the United States than a woman … ?’

The Overweight

At the debate, Trump walked into Clinton’s trap when she mentioned Alicia Machado, Miss Universe 1996, whom Trump had called ‘Miss Piggy’ for gaining weight at the time and ‘Miss Housekeeping’ because she is Latina. Trump cannot stand to be criticised by someone he considers a ‘loser’ and Machado was on television telling tales of Trump’s humiliation of her twenty years ago. Five days later, at three in the morning, Trump was still attacking Machado on Twitter. Further Trump ‘fat-shaming’– as they now say – remarks about movie stars (including Kim Kardashian when she was pregnant) and Trump employees were quickly uncovered by Cosmopolitan and other periodicals devoted to self-image. It is estimated that two-thirds of Americans are overweight.

Diplomats

Seventy-five former career ambassadors and retired State Department officials, who traditionally have no party affiliations, have signed a letter calling Trump ‘ignorant’ and ‘entirely unqualified’.

Hairdressers

Trump is an insult to the profession.

The Self-Made

Trump: ‘My entire life, I’ve watched politicians bragging about how poor they are, how they came from nothing, how poor their parents and grandparents were. And I said to myself, if they can stay so poor for so many generations, maybe this isn’t the kind of person we want to be electing to higher office. How smart can they be? They’re morons.’

The Modest

Trump: ‘The beauty of me is that I’m very rich.’

The Reality-Based

Trump: ‘There are at least two million, two million, think of it, criminal aliens now inside of our country, two million people, criminal aliens. We will begin moving them out day one. As soon as I take office. Day one … Day one, my first hour in office, those people are gone. And you can call it “deported” if you want. The press doesn’t like that term. You can call it whatever the hell you want. They’re gone. Beyond the two million, and there are vast numbers of additional criminal illegal immigrants who have fled, but their days have run out in this country. The crime will stop. They’re going to be gone. It will be over. They’re going out. They’re going out fast.’

The Historically Minded

Trump: ‘I watched when the World Trade Center came tumbling down. And I watched in Jersey City, NJ, where thousands and thousands of people were cheering as that building was coming down. Thousands of people were cheering.’ Trump (the following day, to George Stephanopoulos): ‘It was on television. I saw it. It was well covered at the time, George. Now, I know they don’t like to talk about it, but it was well covered at the time. There were people over in New Jersey that were watching it, a heavy Arab population, that were cheering as the buildings came down. Not good.’ (No one knows how Trump saw this on television.)

The Gastronomically Inclined

Richard Ford: ‘I’m sure that I could not have dinner alone with Mr Trump in my favourite restaurant in Paris. He’d ruin it.’ (In contrast, if Ford ‘decided to tell President Obama … about ordering the cod at Sur le Fil next time he’s in Paris … he’d listen and at least try to remember’.)

The Historically Minded

Rudolph Giuliani: ‘Before Obama came along, we didn’t have any successful radical Islamic terrorist attacks in the US. They all started when Clinton and Obama came into office.’

Members of Functional Families

Trump (on his daughter Ivanka): ‘She does have a very nice figure. I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.’ ‘Yeah, she’s really something, and what a beauty, that one. If I weren’t happily married and, ya know, her father…’

African Americans

Trump: ‘Our African-American communities are absolutely in the worst shape they’ve ever been in before. Ever. Ever. Ever.’ Obama: ‘You know, I think even most eight-year-olds will tell you that whole slavery thing wasn’t very good for black people.’

The Non-Violent

Trump: ‘If [Clinton] gets to pick her judges – nothing you can do, folks. Although, the Second Amendment people. Maybe there is. I don’t know.’

Traditionalists

It is almost certain that if Trump is elected, Melania Trump will be the first First Lady to have posed for softcore pornographic ‘girl on girl’ photos.

African Americans and Jews

Trump: ‘Black guys counting my money! I hate it. The only kind of people I want counting my money are little short guys that wear yarmulkes every day.’

Women

As governor of Indiana, vice-presidential candidate Mike Pence promoted and signed into law the requirement that a woman who has an abortion must hold a funeral for the foetus and pay for it.

The Reality-Based

Trump: ‘President Obama and Hillary Clinton … support the release of dangerous, dangerous, dangerous criminals from detention.’

Mexican Americans (and Language Precisionists)

Trump: ‘We will build a great wall along the southern border. And Mexico will pay for the wall. One hundred per cent. They don’t know it yet, but they’re going to pay for it. And they’re great people and great leaders but they’re going to pay for the wall. On day one, we will begin working on intangible, physical, tall, power, beautiful southern border wall.’

The Reality-Based

Trump (on Iraq): ‘You know, it used to be to the victor belong the spoils. Now, there was no victor there, believe me. There was no victor. But I always said: Take the oil.’

The Reality-Based

Deport 11 million undocumented immigrants by creating a ‘new special deportation task force’. Register all Muslims in the US in a database. ‘A total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States’. Or: ‘suspend immigration [of anyone] from areas of the world where there is a proven history of terrorism.’ (France? Belgium?) Or: only suspend immigration of Muslims from those areas. Or: ‘suspend immigration from regions linked with terrorism until a proven vetting method is in place.’ Vetting will ‘screen out any who have hostile attitudes toward our country or its principles, or who believe that Sharia law should supplant American law’. ‘We want to make sure we’re only admitting those into our country who support our values and love – and I mean love – our people.’

The Modest

Trump: ‘I fully think apologising’s a great thing – but you have to be wrong. I will absolutely apologise sometime in the hopefully distant future if I am ever wrong.’

The Easily Astonished

Trump: ‘I love women. They’ve come into my life. They’ve gone out of my life. Even those who have exited somewhat ungracefully still have a place in my heart. I only have one regret in the women department – that I never had the opportunity to court Lady Diana Spencer.’

The Easily Repelled

Trump: ‘My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well documented, are various other parts of my body.’

Those Not Seeking Advice

Trump: ‘My IQ is one of the highest – and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure; it’s not your fault.’

3 October