1.

muzikman1793:

I fucked a sandwich bag filled with vaseline between my mattress and my bed frame.

2.

Zanjutsu:

I had sex with one of my moms decorative bird houses when I was 13 :( I just saw a hole I knew I could put my dick in and then to just go for it. It was awful and I wouldn’t recommend it.

3.

mwilke:

My first vibrator was a Tickle Me Cookie Monster. It was a great vibe, but unfortunately every time I pressed the button to make it wiggle, it yelled, “HAHAHA OH BOY OH BOY, OH BOY OH BOY.” My parents had to have known.

4.

TheITBarbie:

When I was 14 I had just gotten my first cell phone (one of those small candy bar style Nokias) I got really horny and played with the vibration setting. I had a cheap, blue, landline phone in my room next to my bed. One night I placed my cell phone in a ziplock Baggie, inserted it as far as I could into my pussy, then dialed my cell from my home phone a few times. Pretty sweet DIY Vibrator at the time

5.

veeolah:

Listening to other people have sex gets me off. (Neighbors have thin walls) At my bestfriends house one time, we were all really drunk and I went upstairs to pass out in her bed. Bout 30 minutes later she and her boyfriend come upstairs undressing eachother and making out til she remembered I was “passed out” upon seeing me in her bed. After much quiet whispering and coaxing, her boyfriend fucked her right next to me with my back to them. Bed bouncing, moans and her knee in the small of my back.. Best masturbation session ever…

6.

realmanhands:

I had a fwb that was really into the sub/Dom thing with me being the Dom to the point that she referred to me as “master” when others weren’t around. We worked together at a large company and we would go in early some days to start it off “right” when no one was around. She used to make pancakes and take them to work and one morning I decided I wanted her to have a protein pancake. We were in my office, she was blowing me and told her to get her breakfast out. She knew right away what I had planned and she smiled , “seriously?” Yes. Get them out now slut. “Yes master”. Got close to cumming and then unloaded between her pancakes – not a euphemism btw. She wanted to eat them right away but I made her wait till other staff were around. She ate them with a smile on her face. Some of the coworkers remarking that she was really enjoying them.

7.

not_silly_enough:

I had upstairs neighbours who were awesome. Two 20-something guys, nice and clean cut, but I slept below their bedroom, and I heard what went on. One of them was like a machine. I used to lay awake in awe of this dude. A constant rhythm, perfect sync, and I could tell he was hitting it deep for a good 30 minutes nonstop. I fapped a couple of times. Not in a gay way. But gay or straight, if you heard this guy and his deep-pound-method, it’d amaze you like it amazed me. Eventually, I realised that I slept below their kitchen, not their bedroom. And that I had fapped to the laundry on spin-cycle. And that they were probably just two straight guys sharing an appartment.

8.

TartofDarkness:

I once stole a Squiggle Wiggle Writer Pen from my best friend’s little brother (he was like 5) because it vibrated and I knew it would get me off.

9.

GenericUsernameLol:

This girl who used to live down the street from me used to give me handjobs on the school bus after school. She’d always bring a little blanket with her, and she’d just sit there jacking me off on the way home.

10.

paydaybourbon:

I think it was Hurricane Floyd – I was home from school and I just remember it raining like hell and being very windy… so for whatever reason I just wanted to go out into that storm and get into that shit. So I’m riding my bike around the neighborhood in this crazy storm and roaming around my family’s property (we had a good amount of land), enjoying the wilds, just really out in the elements… After awhile I decided it’d be best to go into the woods and roam around naked. So for some reason the rain and wind pelting against my body was considerably arousing and I just decided to jerk off into that intense fucking hurricane – and so I did. Best day of my life.

11.

mrfrostbear:

I lost my virginity in the park..broad daylight, right in the open grass.

12.

Fetus_Soup:

Cut a hole and fucked an orange… I regret nothing.

13.

dannipanni:

I’m a chronic nose bleeder. One day I was browsing my usual fapsites and got a nose bleed, prolly something in the air, no biggie. I went to the bathroom to take care of it. Rolled up some paper and went in to plug my nose. As I was about to wash off my bloodied hands I noticed how slick my fingers got and had an idea. I undressed, jumped in the shower, unplugged my nose and went to town.

14.

bogo963:

When I went on vacation to a beach, there were some really hot college girls with very skimpy tops talking to each other near me. We were all in the ocean and since the water was murky, I decided to drop my trunks and masturbate to them, surrounded by dozens of strangers. Came pretty quick.

15.

Dp_dpanal:

When I was 13 I was alone at the community jacuzzi, it was out of the way in the corner. Anyway I noticed the jets felt really good when it hit my penis, so I start jacking off with the jet. A short while later I cum in the community jacuzzi. I probably spent a week worried a girl was going to get pregnant from that. And that’s also where my disgust of public pools come from.

16.

lartattack:

I was about 13 and more horny than ever. I went with my dad to go help him caretake for an old woman’s home while she was in Europe. He found a leak in the kitchen faucet and decided to go to Home Depot to fix it, leaving me there to watch tv. I decided to look around and curiously I went through the ladies drawers where I found multiple bras and underwear. Basically for next 20 minutes I was laying on the bathroom floor covered in an old ladies bras and underwear masturbatjng violently.

17.

Moodtrain:

when i was very young i discovered masturbation. usually did it in the bathroom, sometimes while bathing. i decided, “hey, my hand feels good. what else can i put my dick in?”. i attempted to fuck a shampoo bottle. i didn’t bleed, but obviously it hurt, got stuck, and i yanked it out of there. my cock has 2 weird uh…scars? marks? from that incident. like U-shaped ridges.

Browse more Thought Catalog After Dark articles here

18.

JackJackHole:

A week after Halloween, I carved a hole in the back of the Jack’o’Lantern (it was getting soft) and fucked the shit out of it while the wife was at work. After I came I was still horny so I cut a hole in the side and did it again.

19.

throwitawaysam2:

My boyfriend and I stayed out with friends very late last night. When we got home we had sex. He finished quickly and passed out. I proceeded to grind on his thigh until I finished. I woke up feeling like I had raped a corpse and saw this post.

20.

norwegian-dude:

One night I jerked it while caressing my sleeping, now exs ass. I confessed to it the day after and she said she didn’t mind and that I could continue to do it if she wasn’t up for sex.

21.

LayingDownRubber:

Every once in a while I get lucky and my girlfriend let’s me bang her in the ass. Well, last night I’m fucking the shit (wrong expression I know) out of her pussy and she turns around and says, “You can stick it in my ass if you want” and that made me hornier than I already was, so I pull out of her pussy and start to slip it in her winky when about halfway in I run into an obstruction. The first thing that pops into my head is man, that’s kinda gross bumping up against a turd with my dick, but then I figured maybe if I just kept banging her I could shove it back in far enough to get the damn thing out of my way. Well, that was a bad idea because jamming the turd back in caused the gas behind it to back up and just about the time I went in for what probably would have been the thrust that got the turd out of my way, the gas exploded. It shot my dick and the turd out like a rocket. Now, if getting your dick explosively expelled from your chick’s ass and then getting hit in the gut with a flying turd doesn’t make your dick soft, you’re a better man than I am.

22.

lookoverhere088:

Anything that looked like/was the same size and shape of a penis, I tried it out in my vagina. Yup, long candle sticks. Mmhmm, my mom’s (turned off) curling iron. The handle end to the plunger, the toilet paper holder, 10 unsharpened pencils held together with a rubberband, hairbrush handle, handles to shaving razors, travel size shampoos and lotions, the TV remote ( shut up ), some action figues, a medium sized icicle, sunglasses, the handle of the ice cream scooper, and the list goes on.

23.

speckleeyed:

I let a guy I was dating give me enemas, pull out my tampon and eat me out and peed in his face, his request

24.

Zanjutsu:

I had heard about putting peanut butter on your junk and letting your dog lick it off on a movie (road trip?). Anyways I (age14) decide to go for it and cover my dick in peanut butter. I owned a very fat beagle at the time and showed my new peanut butter covered dick to her in anxious anticipation of what I thought be an awesome time. I did not have a awesome time however as my beagle to one look at my dick and bit into it. I yelped and ran off. I washed my poor dick in the sink and inspected the damage. She had broken the skin on the head of my penis with her canine teeth.

25.

throwavibrate:

Turned on a Tony Hawk Pro Skater game on the gamecube (or N64[details foggy]), put on a cheat to max grind/stability and then proceeded to grind a circular planter. This never-ending grind caused the controller to vibrate without end, leading to a never-ending source of pleasure for my depraved and libidinous teenage loins.

26.

Artfartwastaken:

I have a sleep walking and talking boyfriend… I discovered he didn’t need to be awake to pleasure me, if I put his fingers against my vagina he’d recognise it and start fingering me. It was a great way to start the day and pass the time seeing as I woke up earlier from him, when he woke up I would be wet and ready to go.

27.

oil_of_tea_rose:

‘ve pretended to be passed out while a guy was touching me. I think most girls would freak out and get upset, but I’d stay there pretending to be asleep because it turned me on. This happened numerous times I’m my 20s. Crazy how many guys went that far…

28.

justforthisreason:

About a week ago I made my SO get down on the floor and act like my dog. Leashed, barking for me, wagging his dick like a tail, following commands like sit and roll over. Made him lick my pussy like a dog too. Sorry sweetie- don’t get mad I’m sharing!! :) It was really really really hot. He’s pretty incredible for indulging my fantasies.

29.

McKernanx32:

Personally, i used to steal my sisters panties, not because i was attracted to her, but because i knew that she had a vagina, and that vagina touched those panties. I would carry them around in my pocket all day, just so i could jack off in to them at random intervals. I would also listen outside her door when her boyfriends were over and jerk it to the noises i heard.

30.

Satans_Advocation:

Fucked my high school girlfriend on her couch in the living room while watching her mother and sister wash the dinner dishes through the kitchen window. Waited until they were almost finished, came inside her, then joined them at the dining room table for coffee and mom’s chocolate chip cookies, while my still-hot cum was dripping out of her daughter’s pussy into her undies.

31.

jumpforcheese:

When I was young (around 13-15) I would put cat treats all over my boobs while I was masturbating. My cat came and licked them off, and I would close my eyes and pretend it was a guy. I was shocked when I had my first kiss and his tongue wasn’t rough.

32.

POSTSPICSOFBUTTHOLES:

I fucked a jar of peanut butter when I was 13. Just gunna throw it out there. It’s messy and it felt good except… I used chunky and it cut my dick and I got an infection from it. Had to tell my parents. It was embarrassing… ya… TL;DR Don’t use chunky

33.

VickyChick:

I’m a girl. I once anal fisted myself. Felt damn good.

34.

MakeAWolverinePurr:

I was 13 and had just discovered myself. My parents and I were on a road trip and they had the music up and were talking. I figured I could slip a hand down the pants and play some hand ball with the old one eyed snake. I got away with it but to this day I still shutter shudder. To make it worse my parents were listening to christian music.

35.

Mac223:

You know those polished wooden stands for holding rolls of toilet paper? Yeah, I went there. Satisfied me and my (bi)curiosity.

36.

Rapist_In_The_Mist:

When I was younger, I went through an anal masturbation phase, I would do it nearly every single day, and I love trying out different objects. I also have jets in my pool, so I decided to grab a condom and place it carefully over my asshole, stretched it open, and had my asshole get fucked by a watery cock-dildo thing. The condom broke and my asshole was leaking for the rest of the day…

37.

TurdWolf:

My cousin walked in on a friend of ours, who was pelvic thrusting a hole in the cushion of a recliner chair. We grilled him for months about this. Every argument ended with reference to him fucking a chair. Months later, our friend walks in on my cousin fucking the same hole in the same cushion of the same recliner chair. Tables were turned.

38.

Spatz3:

sometimes I put a banana peel in the microwave for 20sec, then proceed to jerk off with it.

39.

fmp69:

My girlfriend and I had a game of truth or dare and rather than tell her that I had slept with her brother I took the dare. She dared me to do a bukkake session with the entire baseball team at our high school, which I did. I had so much cum on me that even after 2 showers I still found cum stuck to my hair and in my nose and ears… Needless to say, I’ve never done it again, mostly because cleaning up afterwards is a pain in the ass…

40.

nvanburen:

In high school, I would get a banana, cut both ends, squeeze the banana out of the skin, and wrap the skin in tape so it wouldn’t fall apart. Best homemade sex toy ever.

41.

[deleted]:

Was doing a job in someone’s house. They weren’t home so I took one of the milf ladies open-toe shoes into the bathroom. Proceeded to bust a nut all up in them. Wiped them when I finished. Would see her wearing the same shoes a different day and got really fucking turned on by that. Would bust nuts in those same pair of shoes whenever I was working there and she wasn’t wearing them. She also had a wash basket of worn pantyhose etc waiting to be washed. Lets say I used to like working there.

42.

BLAMtacosErrwhere:

I had sex with my girlfriend on the couch next to her parents when we were watching a movie…just a little blanket to cover us…ya I was one horny motherfucker

43.

jokokygo:

It turns me on if someone walks in on me having sex. My ex-girlfriend hated it and, my roommate loved it. I always “forgot” to lock the door and “forgot” that he was coming home after couple of minutes. One time we were at her house and she asked me to lock the door, I didn’t do that and her mom walked in on us and I got so excited that I came in her mouth while her mother watched.

44.

ohemgeesex:

Feeling particularly horny one day, I posted an ad on Craigslist. So at the time, I, a 19 year old, 5’0, 105lb girl, working at a financial services firm, got one that was interesting. I had the guy come over to the office, while no on was there, and bent over my desk for him. He was about 2x my age and was a rather large guy. He put a condom on and fucked my ass and then blew a load on my face. This was maybe the 5th time I’ve done anal sex and his penis was the size of a coke can. I was extremely sore, he just cleaned up and then left. Never exchanged names or anything like that.

45.

soupishness5:

Let’s see. Once I let my grandma’s yellow lab lick my asshole as I jerked off. When I was a skinnier as a teen, I could put enough of my dick in my ass that I could hold it there. Once, after having it up there for awhile, I pulled it out and there was a big lump of shit on the tip. I jerked off with it.

On an 8 hour drive, I edged for 4 hours in the car. I got so horny that I used backpage on my phone to find an escort on the way back while I was still driving. Her meth abuse was worse than her pictures would imply. I still licked her asshole before I fucked it.

46.

joemofo214:

After many hours of plowing, my then gf got dry. I wanted that last nut, so we used cooking oil as lube. Her vag smelled like french fries the next night, though I didn’t have the heart to tell her.

47.

wblueskylives:

was 14 at the time, doing track after school (I sucked at it, but it was something to do). At some point I went to use the bathroom during practice and on the bathroom stall’s wall was a very crudely carved naked woman. Now, this was during the time of the internet, but pre-smartphones, so while I had access to internet porn (via limewire, i was a n00b, i know) I did not have access while away from home. Anywho, for multiple days after this discovery I would excuse myself, walk halfway across the school and use that exact stall purely to get my rocks off, then slowly saunter back to practice. Weeks after I had started doing that, the janitors finally caught wind of it and scraped it all to hell. Nothing left of my vagina away from home but some scuffing, twas a sad day.

48.

DirtyBirdThrowaway:

I stayed the night at my best friend’s house one night in middle school. Her parents were always out of town on the weekends so we got away with a lot. One night she was showing me her mom’s lingerie, and we giggled and thought it was so dirty. But, then she showed me her mom’s bullet vibrator. I had never used one so I was instantly intrigued. We had some friends come by, and a couple beers later I felt great and decided to sneak in her mom’s room and get it.. I then locked myself in the bathroom and masturbated with it. I felt pretty gross afterward.

49.

Seeingeyebaby:

The other night me and the gf get piss drunk and initiate the fuck session. We are particularly depraved and have done numerous morally questionable things involving our genitalia, this night was not unlike those previous perverted nights. So we are going at it and I start alternating between fucking her vagina and asshole. Back and forth. Then after a long while of doing that I throat fuck her until she vomits all over my cock. She then jumps on top of my puke covered cock and starts riding me like mad. As I cum inside her she starts making out with me while puke is still on her mouth. My throat starts to burn from her stomach acid. True story. Orgasm was 10/10.

50.

schnugums: