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NEW YORK — Recent research has confirmed that you are totally right about everything and anyone who says otherwise is a slobbering idiot.

The study was conducted by a totally well known and respected university whose name the author is currently forgetting. The researchers were all super well educated and knew what they were talking about more then some average schmo who disagrees with you.

The research took a really long time and involved a lot of people so it thoroughly analyzed the topic at hand. It was double blind and confirmed by other studies, whatever that means.

This study proved that everything you had assumed to be true is correct. All those hunches you had were accurate, which totally should have been obvious to anyone at all even before this study was written.

Furthermore, the study amply demonstrates that anyone who disagrees is a dislikable prick. It is so obvious and so totally true and accurate that only a complete nimrod, idiot, sissy pansy, cuck, and dumb-ass would say otherwise. Also, it also proves you are morally correct and that anyone who disagrees is also definitely a jerk, asshole, Nazi and a damn Communist.

It so blatantly supports your point that it doesn’t even need to be read. All further points and argument are a waste of time since you are so clearly in the right.

Finally, the researchers have stated that this totally applies to that one time you were arguing online with someone and he was being a shit by disagreeing with you and refusing to see how right you were no matter how much you proved it — he was definitely just a troll.

Michael McManus

Reportering for The Lapine

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