SOMERVILLE, MA—Touching on the immediate emotional connection he shared with the piece of poultry, 4-year-old Kyle Wright reportedly decided to become a vegetarian Thursday after forming a close friendship with a roasted turkey leg. “Gosh, I can’t believe I ever thought of eating a friendly little guy like Harry,” said Wright, who hugged the recently named drumstick close to his chest as he explained that his choice of vegetarianism came about after hearing his mother explain that the turkey legs they eat at the dinner table were no different from the one he had spent the past week cuddling with before bedtime and walking around the yard with a leash. “It never crossed my mind before. But the longer I spend with him and his cute knobby foot, the more I get that he has feelings and dreams just the same as me. Sure, he’s a little shy, but why would I ever want to hurt my best pal?” At press time, Wright was visibly horrified after kissing the turkey leg and finding his crispy, salt-brined skin irresistibly delicious.

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