August 18, 2008

I’m not the only one who’s been waiting over 19 years

for this Paper Purge to happen.

The people at the Canada Council for the Arts

have also been very patient.

In 1989, they granted me $13,532 as part of a program which I can’t even remember the name of, but it was for an artist’s first attempt at getting their work “out there.” In my case, I was to write a book — largely based on my life story — and get it published. En français.

Well, needless to say I went bananas when I got the phone call telling me I was among the chosen few in Canada to get what I had asked for: one year’s salary ($13,200); expenses such as paper and ink cartridges for my Apple ImageWriter printer ($352); and last but not least, their vote of confidence in my talent and my determination to make my dream come true.

After the excitement,

I panicked.

I totally sabotaged my dream. And right about then, my whole world started to take a turn for the ditch. After a series of sad and sometimes tragic events, the ditch collapsed under my feet and I went down, down, down, till I finally hit bottom around 2003.

All through this hell, I tried — year in, year out — to write that darn book. When I’m through reading everything in the pile you see up there, I bet I’ll have found over two dozen manuscripts, almost all of them identical, relating my birth and the first five or six years of my life. Once or twice, I went as far as to recount parts of my teenage years and one time, I even wrote about meeting the man who was to become my husband. But after writing about the wedding, I became very sad and depressed. You will, too, when you get to read that part. Then again, we might all have a good laugh, because I hope to give it a shot of humour. A real BIG shot.

This is why I’m so grateful to see that not only am I now willing to plow through the pile, but I feel emotionally and mentally ready for it. In other words, I’m definitely eager and curious and enthusiastic about the whole journey.

Yeah…I know…we’ll see how I feel next month or even next week, hardy har har! Still, I’m sure all will go smoothly if I get plenty of rest, go out and walk every day, meet with friends on a regular basis, and practice breathing, meditating, and being in the moment. Being in the moment is without a doubt the key to an enlightening, joyful, and fun experience.

So there ya go…

Wish me luck 🙂



P.S.: Somehow, I thought the pile was going to be much bigger.

Why did it seem like such a MONSTER all these years?

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