So this theme is just the stupidest thing.

I am well aware that I am not exactly breaking new ground here, but it has to be said because I do not want you going in thinking I am in support of this theme. I mean, themes like Brains/Beauty/Brawn and loved one pairs were themes fans had called for. Old vs Young and its spin-off the generation gap were… to put it nicely, questionable, but at least they were a thing. The class warfare theme was… controversial but, again, still a thing (or two-thirds a thing, I see you No Collar) while being admittedly interesting before Worlds Apart took a shit all over it.

Heroes vs Healers vs Hustlers does not exist.

Not only do they not exist, they are not related. On what planet are they really tied together at all as a rivalry? I guess healers can be a branch of heroes, but hustlers are not a strong contrast to either of them. No one really separates the heroes and hustlers too much, and they damn sure aren’t thinking “those damn hustlers are so not heroes”. Hell, some hustlers can be heroes. This is almost a parody of Survivor seasons with obtrusive themes, because these literally feel pulled out of a grab bag. Before this season showed itself to the masses, literally no one was calling for it. Probst essentially admits that the theme was made up to fit the cast on ET Canada, and it shows. By God, does it show.

Yet, here it is.

May as well.

The good thing about the hustlers and healers is that there aren’t really clear cut stereotypes for them. Yeah, hustlers scramble and never give up. Yeah, healers are gentle and understanding. However, very few contestants fulfill the finer points of the roles. Maybe Rodney, maybe Denise, but that’s it.

The Heroes Tribe, however, is a different story.

If you recall a little forgotten gem called Season 20, the season was themed around presumably the biggest Survivor heroes and villains. Already, there is a clear cut idea of what heroes and villains are. Batman is a hero, the Joker is a villain. The Avengers vs… I don’t know, that big space god thing in every post-credits sequence. Point being, clearly you can see the Avengers as a hero tribe. I can, at least*.

* For the record, I call Hawkeye to win. Captain America will be struck down first thing merge for being a golden boy, Tony Stark overplays, the Hulk is liked but he plays small to avoid losing his temper and loses the jury vote, and Black Widow probably goes early due to her lack of making connections.

The thing about Survivor heroes in Season 20 is, the tribes were divided based on past actions, so their pre-Survivor walks of life were irrelevant to it. True, some jobs were heroic- NYC Fireman and Troubled Teens Mentor strike me as heroic, but if you never have seen a past season you probably will ask why the wedding videographer is the villain and the pin-up model is the hero. However, this season, their jobs are all we have to go on, and presumably the dividing factor for all three tribes. Therefore, on this season, we have as heroes:

An Olympian (solid pick)

A Marine (great choice)

An NFL Player (…sure)

Firefighter (I mean duh)

Lifeguard (Good pick that I don’t think is first on anyone’s minds)

Actuary (…one of these things is not like the others)

Five out of six isn’t bad. The heroes were always going to be clean-cut and straightforward, as heroes generally are. However, this is a game that requires people to leave their heroic ways at the door to at least some extent, and the best intentions oft go awry. Time will tell if these six can enter the game with their morals and leave with them.

Ben Driebergen

Age: 34

Current Residence: Boise, Id.

Occupation: Marine

Ben Driebergen does not have to worry that he is being too heroic.

On the surface I think that can be seen as a travesty to say. I can already hear cries of “Cameron doesn’t respect the military!” which after I have already shared passionate hatred for Kyle Jason, isn’t a good look or one I’d blame you for seeing. Nothing I say has any wherewithal on his life beforehand, because Survivor is not a continuation of that life- at best these themes force only a portion of that in. Even in heavily themed Millennials vs Gen X, aside from Ken’s weird judgmental blatherings, it got down to brass tacks of the game as soon as merge hit. That’s what I am referring to, and that is what Ben is already focused on.

Can I just say, comparisons in Survivor bios are laughable nine times out of ten. From the stereotype that every young woman compares herself to Parvati, to the blistering arrogance of people who say they are unlike anyone you’ve ever seen, it’s rarely something I take seriously. Something in Ben’s bio made me think hard on these bios, something like:

“Which Survivor contestant are you most like?

I’m a mix of Russell Hantz, Boston Rob, and Joe Anglim. I’m a little conniving and manipulative like Russell, have the determination and confidence of Boston Rob, and the athletic ability of Joe.”

That right there is laughable. That is the equivalent of saying you’re the best Contra player who never gets game-overs while punching in Up-Up-Down-Down-Left-Right-Left-Right-B-A-Start. Ben may as well have said “I am a god” because I have a strong feeling he respects all three of them. I laugh at the idea that he will be a cutthroat strategic God who is also well respected and amazing at challenges. I think the only ones to manage that was Kim and J.T., and only the first J.T.

This is a problem I always notice occurs both in bios and apps. People talk themselves up to ludicrous extents. Every season seems to have ten people who think they’ll be the only deity. I know keeping your eyes on the prize is a part of starting the game- even Hatch’s first confessional was him saying “I’m the winner”. Still, it’s a little goofy to see people talk them up as an evil strategic God who is good at everything, especially in the case of Ben.

Ben is a marine, and while that doesn’t put a moratorium on him being cutthroat (only Scoutmasters have that problem apparently) it does mean that he’s seen a different walk of life than most. While you don’t play your career all 39 days of the game, that is something that defines the player who steps in. The most shining example of this is his inspiration in life: Michael Blake Wafford, who he served with in Iraq and who died out there. Wafford is not a famous person at all, and he was twenty. The concept of such a loss to Ben- as a friend, and as a harbinger that makes him pessimistic about his fate- that still impacts him is heavy, and I get the idea that even if Wafford was alive, Ben wouldn’t betray him even in a game.

Ben will get cold. Ben will be miserable. Ben will be hungry and homesick. That’s a guarantee. Ben will almost certainly be friendly with his tribe, who seem like good people. He will be reliant on them, he will bond with them. When Russell H. was able to blindside and cut throats so easily, most fans, for better or worse, saw his glee in the idea at least a little creepy. I doubt that Ben is unaware of what it’s like to suffer with a band of brothers. I also doubt, or at least hope not, that he can blindside his friends as recklessly and gleefully as Russell, and the other two contestants he wants to emulate will be a stretch as well. It’s why I universally hate bios that pump oneself up as the best person ever to play. Your life is only a piece of luggage you take into Survivor, but it is by far the most important one.

The rest of his bio reads like… well, the idea of an Idahoan Marine doing a bio for Survivor. His hobbies include gunmanship and NASCAR. He hates whining. He’s strong and motivated. He loves his family. He knows he’s tough enough for the game. (This will be every Hero bio for the record).

However, at the end of his app, when asked why he’ll be the sole Survivor, he says “Because I have survived and overcome so many situations and met so many different people with different personalities. My social game is on point and my leadership and survival skills have been tried, tested, and proven.” I think what he doesn’t know is that skill at that will make parts of the game harder, not easier.

Ashley Nolan

Age: 26

Current Residence: Satellite Beach, Fla.

Occupation: Lifeguard

Ashley is like your typical hero character. She is probably a nice person. She strikes me as adventurous, a free spirit, and not overly complex. If she were in a movie, she probably would be the protagonist of a generic animated movie that isn’t too snarky or “hip-with-the-kids”. What I’m saying is Ashley is very safe, and a tad generic.

Stop me if you’ve heard this before- and you have- a cute Cali/Florida girl decides to quit her desk job and stop being so normal and boring and decides to be… normal and boring, but pursuing an unconventional dream; in her case lifeguarding. Her zest for adventure leads her to do well at the job, and if this were a movie and not Survivor she probably would meet a hot surfer and save him from a shark or something.

I feel like I’m selling her short, which is unfair, because while the contents are very samey, the packaging is surprisingly, disarmingly earnest. Nothing I’ve said is untrue, but I still surprisingly like her. She tells her story like it’s really the only type she can imagine- like why else do more people not quit their day jobs to pursue their dream? For most people, we either need the money or we’ve seen Into The Wild, but that doesn’t seem to be the world Ashley lives in.

Her bio shows that- she lives in a world where anyone can make a difference, she can be one of the guys, and you are capable of getting any dream you want. Ashley is a go-getter. Ashley doesn’t give up. Ashley says YES to everything with a capital YES. Ashley refuses to lose. That, coupled with her earnest behavior that seems to believe everything she says doesn’t even have hyperbole, is why I get such a protagonist vibe from her, yet it’s also why I kind of like her. She’s a bit naive, maybe, but I choose to see it as charming and not annoying.

However, the world she lives in is not the world Survivor is in. I don’t even think Survivor how the fans think it should be (where there are big moves and everyone shakes hands and votes for the “best” player) is the world she lives in. She doesn’t mention the fundamental facts that you will have to be cutthroat and hurt people you’re close to. Most bios at least mention that; some even revel in it. Ashley may be one of the rare few who do not mention that at all. The way I see it, she thinks this will be a thirty-nine day long endurance challenge, and when she’s faced with hard decisions, the harder they get the less prepared she will be. If that happens, it will add the dimension that she needs.

Alan Ball

Age: 31

Current Residence: Houston, Texas

Occupation: NFL Player

There have been sports stars, like Jeff Kent, who are easy to recognize even as a non-sports fan. There have been athletes, like Gary Hogeboom, who have been journeymen, working the same job in a way that doesn’t warrant national attention. I could tell you who Jimmy Johnson was, but I doubt you could tell me who Grant Mattos was before Survivor (or even after it). Alan is somewhere in the olden day where professional athletes weren’t stunt casting.

He has a high-profile position as an athlete, but is more about the daily grind than the flashing lights. He says his celebrity isn’t too big that he’ll be instantly recognized- and barring any Danni Boatwrights, I can believe that. He doesn’t belong to one team, and doesn’t show any sort of team patriotism that all my crazy sports-loving friends seem to have. That’s what I mean for him as a journeyman- he goes where he’s told and does what will get him money. While his personal claim to fame is being an NFL player, he isn’t like Marcus Pollard where it’s all that defines him.

A lot of his bio is very basic, true, especially for a pre-determined good guy. He can’t stand liars or people who feel entitled because he hasn’t watched the show. He says he is unlike anyone else because I do not think he knows anyone else from Survivor. He goes on in his video for an extended period about being hangry and how that can hurt him, because I swear to God he has not heard of Survivor. Still, the fact that it has the NFL only sporadically mentioned in it is striking, because it makes it feel less like stunt casting. For the first time in ages, the NFL occupation feels like an occupation only and not a character.

What makes me have faith in him is that, for most of these heroes, they are a bit one-track-minded- see: Nolan, Ashley. They see their world and do not often leave it. Alan acknowledges in his video that other people come from different walks of life that he’ll never understand, and doesn’t expect others to understand his. Perhaps I was more on point about him being a journeyman as the journey is very important to him.

I might be grading on a curve, but the fact is that a lot of this tribe doesn’t seen to acknowledge that journeys exist outside of their own, and I’m glad that Alan does. I think this game will hit people harder than they think, yet it took a complete recruit to recognize that. Outside of occasional hangriness, I think Alan will do fine.

Chrissy Hofbeck

Age: 46

Current Residence: Lebanon Township, N.J.

Occupation: Actuary

As you could tell by the occupation, yes, this is the fabled actuary on the Heroes tribe. For those of you who don’t know, an actuary is someone who, according to Wikipedia, “is a business professional who deals with the measurement and management of risk and uncertainty”. Essentially, they take things like insurance and measure the potential of something bad happening and use that to determine the price charged for it. It is beyond weird to see someone who would fit well on the White Collar tribe land on the Heroes tribe.

Jeff says the heroic thing about Chrissy is that she managed to break the glass ceiling and do well in a male-dominated field. I can see that, and I can see a lot of women who would look up to that type of woman. Chrissy herself knows it’s an accomplishment and that she’s looked down upon a lot as a charity case and diversity effort, even though she is damn good at what she does. She knows and embraces that she’s a pioneer. Even if being an actuary isn’t one’s first thought as a hero, why she does what she does and who she is in the industry is something a lot of people can and should laud.

Even beyond that, Chrissy strikes me as a very happy, zestful person. She describes herself as a mushy person, she shows a lot of love all over the place for her husband and children, and she has a lot of passion and drive to motivate herself through the game. A lot of the Heroes tribe seems to have the belief that drive will get her through the game, but the difference is that I think Chrissy will actually brave it all with a smile.

Do I think that Chrissy has a perhaps too idealistic or narrow view of the game? I mean, she’s on the Heroes tribe, I don’t think you get admission if you don’t. Still, I have more faith in her than I do the other Heroes because when the going gets tough, I expect her to be least shocked. The strong will find it exhausting, the smart will find it emotionally taxing, the cutthroat will find it difficult to betray. I think Chrissy will get past those the quickest and accept her new reality- it won’t be her first time dealing with negativity and flawed perceptions of her, and those haven’t broken her yet.

Edit post-mortem: Apparently Chrissy had a much more interesting bio but CBS edited it down. In it she mentions taking vodka to the island, meeting Hillary Clinton, and emulating Jenna because she would get naked for chocolate and peanut butter. While I think this is because they saw someone with an interesting bio on the Heroes Tribe and lost their shit, but some have speculated that they sanded her down to be a sweet kindly mother figure. While that should relieve me of the idea that these people are not same-y, it actually makes me upset at the plausible idea that these people are more unique than shown and CBS is going to dilute them into substandard roles.

John Paul “J.P.” Hilsabeck

Age: 28

Current Residence: Los Angeles

Occupation: Firefighter

I have yet to see a fireman on Survivor that was not portrayed heroically. Tom Westman was one of the show’s biggest heroes, that can’t be denied- and an easy pick for the first Heroes tribe. Jeremy was one of the most dominant winners, beloved by casual viewers and even begrudgingly admired by hardcore folk. Even Keith and Eddie, mistake-riddled as they were, were portrayed as likable doofuses at worst. I think if you’re a firefighter, it’s a shoo-in for the Heroes tribe, even if your second job is big game hunting.

J.P. is an interesting case. He has this passive way about him that suggests that his life is just how it is, as is the way he sees things. As such, he’s not too boastful about the fact that he’s a firefighter. He says himself, it’s a job like any other, his just happens to be as a firefighter. He also mentions those who he loves in high regard, wanting to play to aid his sister, who has an autoimmune blood disorder, claims the friends he made in his personal claim to fame, and going out of his way to talk about his dog, Thor. Passive positivity seems to be how he gets along.

However, that can be both a positive and a negative, and he reserves that admiration for himself.

Talking yourself up in your bio seems to be a must for players, but what strikes me is that there seems to be bombast about it. I think half the bios were ghostwritten by Luke Toki. J.P. does this to an extent, with him listing ways being a firefighter will aid him in the game. His video is what piques this for me, as many times in blink-and-you’ll-miss-it fashion he mentions his morality, humility, and personal standards being high. Not only does this invoke the classic Weird Al line “I know I’m a million times as humble as thou art!”, it also concerns me that he’ll think being on a higher moral plane than others is just a given fact he doesn’t have to think about- he’s just there.

Focusing on things like that can be a burden. Half of Rupert’s stints revolve around him confirming his moral superiority constantly and it’s made him a four-time loser. However, what can be just as dangerous is thinking you are and never confirming it. I think there’s a chance, higher than most would think, that he feels a license to be cutthroat and vicious as a player, and when people, especially the Heroes, call him on it, he’ll never take even a grain of salt because he thinks he started on a moral highground.

I’m of the mind that I want the Heroes to struggle. Not because I dislike them, but because I think adversity will test them. They say a lot about their physical strength- I want them to be hungry and cold. They show naivete towards being all blindsidey- I want them to be betrayed by each other and for both sides to feel the effect. With J.P., I want him to try and pull off something that would test his morals- and have to deal with the consequences.

Katrina Radke

Age: 46

Current Residence: Excelsior, Minn.

Occupation: Olympian

I really should not have covered the Heroes first.

A lot of people in “themed” tribes have some similarities with each other. The amount of times I had to deal with generational stereotypes and hardluck stories in Takali made my head hurt, though that may have been something else. Still, even they were at least unique individuals that were brought together by some interconnected themes. This Heroes tribe, I am not sure I can say that about them. Chrissy was interesting, yeah, but the rest of them all are these generic athletic no nonsense people with high morals who know nothing about the game. Nowhere is that more prevalent than Katrina.

I will admit that Katrina doesn’t play well with me because I covered her last, and there’s only so many times you can say “oh this person is…. Just like the other ones, next”. Katrina is no exception, as you would guess with an Olympian. What’s her pet peeve? Whiners! Is “adventurous” a word she uses to describe herself? Like fifteen times! Why will she win? If you guessed anything other than “because she’s an Olympian” then I don’t know what you’re on. Hell, I’m even tired of the mentions of how much they love family, and you have no idea how soulless that makes me feel. In her table of contents, there’s nothing that really differentiates Katrina from the rest.

Personality-wise, however, I actually really like her. In large part because… well, know how I said with J.P. that no one seems to have ever told him that he’s not the best person ever? Well… I don’t think anyone has ever told Katrina that she needs to cool her jets.

To the untrained ear, Katrina is actually really obnoxious. She’s hyper, she’s a mile-a-minute, she’s stumbling over herself, and she leaps out of her video. Make no mistake, this Olympian seems poised to get the silver medal, as the latest incarnation of “40+ parent who loses the jury vote because they’re playing the game while obnoxious and generally female” (and I change that to parent because now I think we can add Brad Culpepper to that group). Still, she’s probably the most invested I was in anyone’s bio and video. That’s not much, but I know I’ll take it.

Everyone in Levu seems way too blissful and peaced out. Katrina seems like she’d be their first obstacle. Sure, she’s a freaking Olympian, and she seems genuinely unflappable, but I’ll shoot myself if she isn’t grating to at least one person. They would have to deal with having what they act like is their first problem in probably the last ten years- keep her for her challenge strength or boot her for annoying them?

That is to say, I am far more invested in what Katrina can do for the storylines of others than about her herself, but that’s because with the others I think Katrina could flesh out this nothingburger of a tribe, and because she’s already a little fleshed out herself. The others can play catchup.

Final Thoughts

I think I’ve indicated this throughout the article, but these people come off as having very easy lives. Whether or not that’s the case (I highly doubt the Marine has had a walk in the park) in some way they are way too “prepared”. All of them think they can win and have a narrow scope of what Survivor takes. That’s really why I want this experience to challenge them. Survivor may be full of Type A personalities, but this is a bit much- like these people never experienced failure in their lives, which I know isn’t the case.

Each of them I think has one trait of Survivor heroism that will define their skill at the game, and as long as they don’t let their normal life heroism get in the way, they’ll be fine. Like I said, life beforehand is the bag you carry in, not the house you live in. For them, I know Survivor will be a fire. People can talk about their athletics, their determination, their abilities all they want, but true strength will be defined by them coming out the other side.

See you in about a week to talk about the Healers, whom I hope are more dynamic than this.

-Cameron

P.S. I wish I were covering Australian Survivor- as you saw by the Luke reference I am a huge fan of this season- but over on RHAP, RTVWarriors’ own Logan Saunders is covering it amazingly. If you want a blog from one of us yammering about the season, look no further! Here’s Episode 1 and here’s the most recent one.