SOUTH JORDAN, UT—Saying the bustling scene looked like a veritable “blowout” for the six-limbed insects, local sources confirmed Tuesday that a group of ants were having some kind of wild party inside a crack in the pavement. “Wow, those ants look like they must be having a total blast in there,” said Sam Pendleton, a witness to the festivities, explaining that the ants were pouring in from all corners of the sidewalk to “party down” in the recess, with many bringing tiny crumbs to provide nourishment for the all-out bash. “It looks like there must be hundreds of them down there crawling all over each other and just going fucking nuts. Plus, there’s a line of ants stretching all the way to the curb just waiting to get inside the crack. This rager is clearly just getting started.” Pendleton later went on to admit that he wished he could get down there and join the party himself.


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