Why The Tesla American Success Story Ain’t Gettin’ No Love

October 9th, 2018 by Zachary Shahan

I’ve been scratching my head for months — or years — but perhaps no more than this past week. Tesla, one of the greatest American success stories of the century all time, gets clobbered daily in the media. It happens in the right-wing media, in the left-wing media, and in the center-news-network media. Meanwhile, amidst all of the hooping and hollering about stuff they don’t understand, reporters and editors at those outlets miss the news that …

The Tesla Model 3 is the #1 top selling American car in the USA.

The Tesla Model 3 is the #4 top selling car in the USA.

Tesla now sells the 3 safest cars ever tested in the US.

Tesla has had 25,913% sales growth in 6 years.

Tesla is the #1 top selling luxury vehicle brand in the USA.

Tesla more than doubled its previous quarterly delivery record in Q3.

The Tesla Model 3 Performance is a silent monster.

The Tesla Model 3 is actually in a class of its own.

The Tesla Model 3 is the #1 highest grossing car (in terms of monthly revenue) in the USA.

So, I got to thinking, what is the real reason this American success story gets no love from the US media powers that be? Here are my hypotheses:

Elon Musk was born in South Africa.

Nikola Tesla was born in Croatia.

Republicans in the media see Tesla as a cleantech (i.e., bad) company that rose up under Obama, while Democrats in the media see it as a money-chasing capitalistic enterprise (i.e., company) that has seen its sales explode under Trump.

They don’t like the logo.

They prefer cars that pollute children’s lungs.

They prefer cars that are great at stimulating cancer and heart disease.

The falcon-wing doors. It’s always the falcon-wing doors. #amiright

Lack of an instrument cluster behind the steering wheel. How dare they?!?!

Tesla decided to grow rapidly rather than stop growing and pocket profits after the Model S. What arrogance! What idiocy!

“American car company? Don’t you mean Californian?” (So says reporters stuck on the rather shatty* East Coast … which is incidentally where I also live.)

“Cars? I’m a New Yorker. Cars suck.” (Fine and dandy, but even if you don’t drive, wouldn’t you prefer clean & quiet cars over polluting & noisy cars?)

It is officially an attack on humanity to produce cars without grilles.

Tesla pulled the dark brown & emerald green paint options from its lineup. (Frankly, I do side with this complaint, as those were my favorite color options. Those were the days — back when all media except Top Gear and the New York Times actually loved Tesla.)

No one knows how “Tesla” is really supposed to be pronounced. A normal American says “Tesla,” but CEO Elon Musk says “Tezla.” That’s it, he should just be booted. How could such a person lead this company?

The Model 3’s door handles. #impossible

S-3-X ist nicht cool.

Business reporters are unhappy. (Frankly, if you’re into business, why are you a reporter? And if you’re into reporting, why are you writing about businesses you don’t like?)

But I love Ford. But I love GM. But I love broken ignition switches. But I love diesel pollution and cheating and lying corporate execs who don’t care about my health.

Math is hard.

Climate science is hard, and scary.

Math is scary.

“Elon Musk has achieved too much in too short a time and it makes me feel wholly inadequate.”

His accent. Come on, does he have to have a cool accent too?

#FreeElon #FreeTesla #MorningMonkeyBusiness

*shatty is not a real word (correction: unless funny-talkin’ people near Europe happen to use this term), but it’s my new favorite form of “shitty.”

If you’re looking to buy a Tesla, appreciate my work, and need a referral code, here you go: http://ts.la/tomasz7234











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