During the battles, liberal spies managed to infiltrate the highest echelons of government, media, and the arts, securing an obscene ruling that same-sex couples may marry. Their goal is to destroy an entire civilization under their perverted view of fairness.

It is a period of civil war. Liberal filmmakers and lawmakers, striking from their elitist enclaves, have won their first victories against the forces of decency and godliness.

Pursued by the truth, liberal directors and actors race to the screen to indoctrinate audiences into this twisted notion and aid in further enslaving the masses of the planet into their mistaken worldview.

Please forgive me if that revised intro into the Star Wars universe sounds hyperbolic. It's to illustrate that liberal creative types can't be content to entertain us with a movie when there is a culture war at stake. Consider the quotes by two of the newest Star Wars contributors: psychologist J.J. Abrams and biologist John Boyega. I'm sorry – that should be movie director J.J. Abrams and actor John Boyega, who both play make-believe for a living.

In March of 2016, Abrams said this about homosexual characters in the future episodes of the Star Wars franchise: "I would love it. To me, the fun of Star Wars is the glory of possibility. So it seems insanely narrow-minded and counterintuitive to say that there wouldn't be a homosexual character in that world." Yes, J.J., I guess it's also narrow-minded to say there are people who believe that entertainers should entertain and not preach, but that clearly won't shut up liberal blabbermouths with an ax to grind.

In October of 2017, Boyega said: "There definitely is that responsibility, but more the responsibility to hire those from those experiences to share their creative light. That's the pivotal thing. If you hire the same sort of people, you're just getting the same sort of film. It's not wrong, but then there's a lack of variety. I think that Oscar [Isaac, who plays Poe Dameron] is always looking at me with love in his eyes, and I guess that the fans saw it. And then they realized that either he needs to chill or come out." What exactly Boyega was prattling on about in the first two sentences is a mystery, but he got to the point afterward by stating that two dudes who've helped each other in various adventures naturally just want to share a roll in the intergalactic hay.

Aside from their nonsensical babbling about responsibility and narrow-mindedness, and translating a friendship between two men into a sexually repressed homoerotic sideshow, neither Abrams nor Boyega seems to understand what made Star Wars a long-lasting cultural juggernaut. It wasn't about lofty and vague notions about the responsibility to include homosexual characters, engineering longing looks between men, or appeasing liberal sycophantic friends. It was about the ongoing battle between good and evil, and entertaining audiences in the process. To be sure, George Lucas was and is a liberal whose original message behind Star Wars was how primitive societies could whip more technologically advanced societies, which stemmed from his resentment over the involvement of the United States in Vietnam in the 1960s. He needed to overlook the fact that the Star Wars rebels destroyed every Death Star and killed off the Empire via technology, but idealists rarely stop to look at logic or evidence, even in a fictional world.

The libs are aglow with the prospect of two men declaring their erotic feeling for each other in a science fiction movie, regardless of how ridiculously misplaced such a thing would be. Parent company Disney doesn't seem to care, at least publicly, as long as tickets and merch are sold.

Current Lucasfilm president and Star Wars "brand manager" Kathleen Kennedy seemed to quash this notion, at least for now, by saying: "We've talked about it, but I think you're not going to see it in The Last Jedi. In the next six or eight months, we will have some meetings about the stories that we will develop next."

So the issue clearly isn't dead, and as with any liberal cause, they will never give up on it. They'll just develop better marketing, such as "marriage equality" instead of "legalized sodomy," and move forward to their goal.

A same-sex relationship is not new for the Star Wars canon, as some were introduced to in a video game and a couple of their novelizations, but the big screen is the big prize for Abrams and his fellow libs. In their worldview, it makes perfect sense for a same-sex couple to be together, despite the real-world logic that such a couple could never produce offspring and are a tiny percentage of Earth's population. Logic and evidence aside, it's time for the rest of the world to be dragged into their idea of progress. Calmer and more rational heads may prevail and jettison this idiotic plot detail, but expect this issue to be hotly contested in storylines for Episode 9 (or "IX" for purists) of the Star Wars saga.

The denizens of Hollywood are rife with those who seek to corrupt and pervert society through any medium at hand. In the words of Obi-Wan Kenobi: "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."