Feminism Disaster: This Gorilla At The Zoo Clearly Has, Like, Six Wives

If you’re looking for an inspiring story about strong, independent females sticking it to the patriarchy, be prepared to be majorly let down: This gorilla at the zoo clearly has, like, six wives.

Well, shit. Chalk this up as an L for the feminist movement.

Progressive-minded visitors to the Miller Park Zoo in Bloomington, IL will undoubtedly be appalled by the sexist relationship dynamic that’s developed in the primate habitat, where a 19-year-old silverback gorilla named Tamu is constantly surrounded by a bevy of submissive female counterparts who dutifully defer to his every alpha whim, whether he’s shouldering past them during feeding time to help himself to the choicest heads of lettuce or manspreading all over the cardboard on the floor of the habitat so that they have no choice but to sit on the hard dirt. These poor gorilla ladies, most of whom are mothers to at least one of Tamu’s children, sadly have yet to realize that they could be strong, independent girlbosses who don’t have to sacrifice their own hopes and dreams to accommodate the chauvinist behavior of their shared husband, and they’ve instead resigned themselves to a life in service of an aggressive, unappreciative asshole. Talk about a Girl Power fail!

Bulging with insanely huge muscles that allow them to casually snap thick-ass bamboo canes like twigs, these females are powerful, capable gorillas who could easily team up to put Tamu in his place, but they inexplicably continue to put up with his toxic masculinity, letting him sleep and eat all day long like the useless piece of shit that he is while they endlessly exhaust themselves caring for his offspring as if their sole purpose in life is to give birth and slave away as housewives. They can’t possibly enjoy having to constantly nurse babies from their huge, distended breasts as their sex-crazed husband struts around the enclosure humping every hot little number who catches his eye, yet they just keep putting up with it.

Ugh. Seriously, fuck men and fuck the patriarchy!

The behavior Tamu is able to get away with in 2019 is truly despicable, and it’s time for the strong, beautiful lady gorillas of the Miller Park Zoo to rise up and cancel his sorry ass. Tamu contributes absolutely nothing to the troop yet reaps all the benefits of everyone else’s hard work, and hopefully his wives realize sooner than later that they deserve so much better.