California weddings one more step on long road MAKING HISTORY Same-Sex Marriage LONG TIME COMING: Nationwide struggle over gays' right to marry is far from over, but proponents see tide slowly turning

Siddiqi Ray (cq) and Elizabeth McElhinney take wedding photos outside of City Hall after being married on Sunday afternoon after their same sex marriage. They arrived from Minneapolis the night before. They contemplated going when Ray's mother informed them of the wedding. Their friend gave them frequent flyer miles to use for their tickets and bought their outfits the morning of their departure. Tanya: Their number is 612-961-4119 if you need it. Couples line up in front of City Hall on Sunday night to be first in line to be married on 2/15/04 in San Francisco, CA. as same-sex weddings continue at city hall. less Siddiqi Ray (cq) and Elizabeth McElhinney take wedding photos outside of City Hall after being married on Sunday afternoon after their same sex marriage. They arrived from Minneapolis the night before. They ... more Photo: Lea Suzuki, SFC Photo: Lea Suzuki, SFC Image 1 of / 4 Caption Close California weddings one more step on long road 1 / 4 Back to Gallery

When Senior Assistant Attorney General Christopher Krueger was leaving home to represent the state in opposing same-sex marriage during a historic hearing before the California Supreme Court in March, his wife kissed him on the lips and said, "Good luck, but I hope you lose."

He did. The justices voted 4-3 in May to strike down the state's ban on same-sex marriage.

Since then, some of Krueger's colleagues have teased him with remarks like, "Congratulations. We know you lost, but we liked the result."

These ideological fissures in Krueger's household, among his co-workers in the attorney general's office and even within the gay community itself echo society's deep split over same-sex marriage.

This evening, some county clerks in California will stay open late to start issuing marriage licenses and officiating the exchange of vows for gay and lesbian couples - the first of thousands of same-sex marriages expected in the coming days.

It's a bold step that has been hailed by many gay-rights advocates as a significant milestone while being attacked by opponents as an unmistakable sign of societal decay.

As of Friday evening, 646 same-sex couples had booked appointments to get marriage licenses at San Francisco City Hall over the next 10 days - one couple will be wed just after 5 p.m. today, and there are 165 appointments and dozens of same-sex marriage ceremonies at City Hall set for Tuesday.

Gay-rights leaders hope the landmark California Supreme Court decision will set off a chain reaction that will influence other states to legalize gay marriage.

But the latest wave of same-sex marriages may be short-lived. The court's ruling could be undone when California voters are asked on Nov. 4 to decide an initiative sponsored by conservative religious and legal organizations. It would revise the California Constitution to prohibit same-sex marriages by defining marriage as a union "between a man and a woman."

It is, and will continue to be, one of the most politically volatile debates of our time.

Change came slowly

For generations, homosexuality in America was ignored, ridiculed or whispered about - producing a climate of fear, hatred and sometimes violence.

When it was discussed, the resulting arguments sometimes tore families, churches and communities apart. Many gays and lesbians lived in fear of exposure, harassment and assault. The shunning of homosexuals - along with the stigma attached to gay and lesbian couples - fueled hate crimes, despair and suicide.

In recent decades, gay-rights advocates argued that a whole class of people - gay men, lesbians, bisexuals and transgender people - were discriminated against because of their sexual orientation.

Over the past 30 years or so, that view won increasing acceptance in the Bay Area and other metropolitan regions, yet many people in California and other states are reluctant to embrace the concept of same-sex marriage.

Defenders of traditional family values, including representatives of the Roman Catholic Church and other Christian groups, have sponsored a long-running effort to win over Americans - hoping to convince voters that the sacred union of marriage holds little or no room for same-sex couples.

A recent Field Poll showed that a slim majority of state voters - 51 percent - said same-sex marriage should be legal in California. It was the first time in 30 years of polling that a Field Poll showed supporters of same-sex marriage commanding a majority. But the California electorate is fickle, and polls provide only a snapshot of public sentiment.

"Californians today are deeply divided on this issue and have very strong differences along party lines," said Mark Baldassare, president of the Public Policy Institute of California. "Bay Area residents, more than any other region in the state, are supportive of same-sex marriage. Younger voters are more likely to support same-sex marriage than older voters. So there is definitely a generational difference."

Gay rights leaders believe that a slow-brewing cultural shift has occurred in America, resulting in greater acceptance of gay and lesbian couples.

TV tells the tale

"When I was a kid, you didn't see the word 'gay' or 'homosexual' in the newspaper. You didn't see gay people on TV, and it just wasn't talked about," said Howard Bragman, a longtime Hollywood publicist and founder of Fifteen Minutes, a public relations firm. "You'd come home from school and watch 'Leave it to Beaver' or 'My Three Sons.' But now kids are coming home and watching openly gay characters on 'Will & Grace' or MTV."

Sparked by the gay pride movement in the 1970s, legal protections for gays, lesbians and bisexuals have increased - especially in places like California, which adopted state domestic partnership laws in 1999 and 2003, and Massachusetts, whose high court has upheld the right of same-sex couples to marry.

"Suddenly we weren't invisible, and the most powerful act you could do was to come out of the closet," Bragman said. "We know it sends a message to young people that they are not alone, that they have positive role models. Now, you have gay clubs in high schools. ... I've seen remarkable progress. We have made remarkable strides."

Increased media exposure of gays and lesbians on TV, including reports about the lesbian daughter of Vice President Dick Cheney, the growing political and economic clout of the gay community, the accelerating influence of the Internet, and the movement of gay couples to the suburbs have all contributed to greater tolerance for gays and lesbians.

Comedian Ellen DeGeneres, pop singer Elton John, pro tennis player Martina Navratilova, Massachusetts politician Barney Frank and actress/talk show host Rosie O'Donnell are among the big-name celebrities who have come out, while others have chosen to protect their privacy.

DeGeneres was nearly blackballed from television after declaring that she was lesbian, but has since thrived as the host of her own TV talk show.

Soon after the state high court cleared the way for same-sex marriage, DeGeneres announced her engagement to her longtime partner, Portia de Rossi.

"We are all the same people, all of us. You're no different than I am. Our love is the same," DeGeneres told Arizona Sen. John McCain, the presumptive GOP presidential nominee, when she needled him about his views on same-sex marriage during his guest appearance on her show. "When someone says, 'You can have a contract, and you'll still have insurance, and you'll get all that,' it sounds to me like saying, 'Well, you can sit there, you just can't sit there.' "

When the Arizona senator disagreed with her, DeGeneres joked: "So, you'll walk me down the aisle? Is that what you're saying?"

McCain backs the November ballot measure to limit marriage to a man and a woman.

It still takes acts of courage for gays and lesbians to come out. About 30 states do not have laws on the books that protect gay employees from being fired because of their sexual orientation.

Fear of exposure is "an everyday worry for gay and lesbian people," said John Amaechi, a retired NBA basketball player who wrote a book about his homosexuality titled "Man in the Middle."

"The only two groups of people in which hate crimes have increased in recent history have been people who have been perceived to be gay and people who have been perceived to be Middle East in origin," Amaechi said. "Whilst many have become more reasonable, many have become more militant."

Religious opposition

Opponents of same-sex marriage have framed various religious, social, moral, legal and economic arguments why the institution of marriage should be limited to opposite-sex couples.

They hold that marriage has always been defined as being for a man and a woman, and has been afforded special legal status, because it is the most effective way for society to foster the procreation of children and the best prescription for raising children.

"Why do we have to change our historical understanding of marriage?" asked Everett Rice of the California Family Council, a nonprofit lobbying group that focuses on helping families stay together. "Those who advocate for changing the definition of marriage are actually asking us to change that which we as a society have held to be valid since the beginning of this nation."

Rice dismissed the notion that the state should endorse same-sex marriage to avoid discriminating against gay and lesbian couples. "In California, every specific benefit is already granted to a homosexual couple. The state has already sanctioned their relationship," he said.

Benjamin Lopez, a lobbyist for the Traditional Values Coalition of interdenominational faiths, including 8,300 churches in California, said permitting same-sex marriage is likely to result in churches being "forced to fall on their knees to perform services that the state deems politically correct and churches would find morally reprehensible."

Lopez accused the gay community of hypocrisy, advocating for the separation of church and state when it is convenient, but insisting that the state legalize same-sex marriage.

"All this time, the gay community has beaten on the drum of, 'Get out of our bedrooms, stay out of our lives. We just want to live our lives in peace,' " he said. "But now you're going to find those same people meddling in the affairs of the church."

Lopez also said that "it's very important for kids to be raised in an environment where there is a father and a mother in the home."

"That is the nurturing bond that keeps families and communities together, and it also produces the best form of a productive citizen that any society deserves," he said. "There is no true substitute for a mother and no true substitute for a father. As loving as two men or two women purport themselves to be, there will always be that void and vacuum to be filled that only the opposite sex can bring."

Bill Donohue, president of the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights, agreed.

"It all comes down to one thing: What is in the best interest of children - not what is in the best interest of adults. That's narcissistic," Donohue said.

Some gays oppose the court's decision, but for different reasons.

Gay-rights activists Leland Traiman and Stewart Blandon submitted a legal brief supporting the state attorney general's position, based on the argument that allowing same-sex marriages would precipitate a political backlash against gay and lesbian couples.

"The push for marriage per se is a disastrous strategy for our community," Traiman said in an interview. "The bubbling, irrational exuberance of gay men in lining up to be married will be paid for by the loss of rights of other lesbians and gay men in other states of our country. The better strategy is to be working for federal civil unions, which would give us all the federal rights of marriage."

State Supreme Court Justice Carol Corrigan, who was among the three dissenters in the court's ruling, agreed with the state attorney general's position that same-sex marriage rights were best conferred by the people and not the courts.

"When ideas are imposed," she wrote, "opposition hardens and progress may be hampered."

'Only a matter of time'

Supporters of the court's decision insist that conservatives are missing the point.

Publicist Bragman, who plans to soon marry his longtime partner, horse trainer Chuck O'Donnell, sums up the campaign by conservatives against same-sex marriage as "fear and ignorance." Contrary to the views of conservatives, he said, providing marriage licenses to same-sex couples will result in "more love and commitment in society," not less.

"During the Civil War, some people used the Bible to defend holding slaves. That doesn't make it right," Bragman said. "Even if same-sex marriage is repudiated by the voters, I take comfort in the fact that it's going to happen. It's only a matter of time."

Bragman noted that the state Supreme Court's 121-page majority opinion striking down the state's ban on same-sex marriage was written by Chief Justice Ronald George, a Republican, whose majority opinion was joined by three other Republicans.

He also stressed that same-sex couples have been denied the legal rights of marriage under federal law, including tax benefits received by traditional married couples.

"I don't want partial civil rights. I want the whole kit and caboodle," Bragman said. "I want every right that everyone else has, because I pay as much or more in taxes as everyone else does."

He and other gay leaders stress that procreation has never been the sole purpose of state marriage laws, and that opposite-sex couples are permitted to marry whether or not they plan to have children.

Politicians tread carefully

Same-sex marriage remains a politically treacherous minefield.

In March 2000, California voters approved Proposition 22 - a ballot initiative that defined marriage as being between a man and a woman - by a landslide of 61 percent to 39 percent.

San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom's 2004 decision to issue about 4,000 marriage licenses to same-sex couples was a risky move that, depending on how the marriage issue plays out, could buoy or sink his greater political ambitions.

Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois, the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee, supports civil unions and equal rights for same-sex couples, but has said that marriage itself should be between a man and a woman.

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, a Republican, has also straddled the dicey issue of same-sex marriage - voicing support for civil unions for gay and lesbian couples, but taking switchbacks along the way.

The governor, known for his "Don't be girlie men" taunt to state legislators for not passing the budget, urged state Attorney General Bill Lockyer in 2004 to intervene immediately to stop same-sex marriages in San Francisco.

In 2005, Schwarzenegger vetoed a same-sex marriage bill, saying the matter should be decided not by the state Legislature but by either the courts or another vote by the people. More recently, the governor has reiterated his opposition to a constitutional amendment that would overturn the court's decision.

"I was comfortable with defending the marriage laws because California is not a state that hates gay people," said Krueger of the state attorney general's office. "If this was a state that not only excluded gays and lesbians from marriage, but also deprived them of the rights and benefits of marriage such as everything from child custody to the right to have their unions recognized, it would have been hard to defend."