Pegged for a 2016 release and directed by David Bowie’s son, Warcraft is the video game movie adaptation everyone is excited about. But how true to the game will it be? @BiscuitAhoy finds out.

1. The main characters will be called:

Kornflakezz

Bootygurl

Rentakiller

Flashdood

2. The first four hours of the film is spent watching the main characters killing, skinning and mining.

3. The next hour is spent watching them auctioning leather.

4. At least 20 minutes of pointless dancing outside The Lion’s Pride Inn in Goldshire. Meanwhile, Flashdood has found a way onto the roof but is refusing to tell anyone else how he got there.

5. Whenever the main characters are having a serious conversation, some prick will run up and shout “ROLE-PLAYING TWATS LOL!” at them until they are forced to move away.

6. During battles, everyone argues over the best buffs to use. Flashdood gets removed from the scene for being a ‘gay noob’.

7. Ten minutes arguing over loot. Kornflakezz loses the plot and threatens to leave because Bootygurl didn’t actually NEED the Gloves of Earthen Harmony and she’s shit at tanking in any case.

8. Numbers. Lots of them.

9. The penultimate raid on the enemy takes three days to organise due to Rentakiller’s mum making him do exam revision.

10. The final boss battle at the end cuts out just as his health is down to 2% because Blizzard are performing maintenance work on the servers.