In my short, 30 minute lifespan as Old Whateley, I lived quite a full life.

I began this life by bursting forth into this world from the womb, immediately becoming known as the Weird Wizard, as my lore now dictates I am the future inspiration for the film Benjamin Button, since I was aging in reverse, only very slowly.

I found myself in a strange bar, where I came to dine with other outcasts, degenerates as they were known to the rest of society, but to me, they were friends... causing me to discard 2 of my cards.

Through them I found a new faith, known only as "Scientology"... reducing my draw limit by 1 card.

During my happening with the occult I met and came to love a librarian... increasing my draw limit by 1 card once more! She was my savior!

We traveled many places together, but our final adventure led us to the depths of an alternate dimension, in search of our one true God... and a nice place to settle down. There we found a quaint 52 room piece of Alien Architecture, of which we admired for a while, because hell if we could afford it.

At that point I felt I had had enough of this accursed life of impending doom and summoned forth the beast Hastur by chanting his name thrice, in order to bring about the apocalypse of the nonbelievers, as my religion dictated (only following orders here)... But all he did was eat me.

Cthulu then promptly ended the world for all of us, wrapping things up nicely. Heh...

My Santa was thoughtful enough to take into account my love of tabletop gaming and preferences for game play to find me this gem of a card game. Thanks so much you mysterious, giggle inducing Arbitrary Day Santa.

MAY CTHULU EAT YOUR HOUSE LAST