My band, the one for which I attempt to sing, opens every one of our rehearsals with a cover of "Begin the Begin" by R.E.M. We've been doing this for years because it was one of the first songs we learned to play together because it was a song that everyone knew because we are a Dad Band. Four guys, all married with kids, in a band that will not only never make it big but rarely even plays shows. We just like to practice, do some covers, write some originals, get out of the house, drink some beers. Some dads are in bowling leagues, we're in a band.

And while R.E.M. were on the cutting edge of music when I was young, they are more on the buttering edge now, along with me, a dad. R.E.M. are an old pair of jeans (no, not Dockers, shut up) that were once hip and cool and now are comfy. Weezer is one of my Dad Bands. I'll go ahead and put Wilco in there too. I can play one Wilco song on the guitar.

Here's what a Dad Band needs in order to be a Dad Band:





Music that is novel but not necessarily revolutionary.



A whole pile of guitars. Dad likes guitars.



At least one male singer. Dads like to hear other dads. It's comforting. It makes Dad feel less alone in his daddy doddering. X is a Dad Band. Pixies too.



A reputation for putting on pleasant live shows. (Soundgarden is a Dad Band, so is Pearl Jam, Nirvana probably not). Dad can remember those shows. They happened before YOU came along and he couldn't go out anymore.



Catchy songs with good hooks that Dad can sing along to in the minivan whilst on the way to Home Depot.



Staying power. No flash-in-the-pan bands. Dad won't remember those names. Dad gets forgetful sometimes.



Gut feeling. We all know that Red Hot Chili Peppers is a Dad Band and Dinosaur Jr. is not. Why? We just know.



But there's no single chronological era in which a Dad Band lives. So a Dad Band can be The Stones, The Band, Allman Brothers, A Tribe Called Quest, Foo Fighters (Grohl makes the list after all!), or some new group you're listening to right now.

It got me wondering: Can we predict the Dad Bands of tomorrow? Who are the bands that the young people of today will be dadding out to when they're old and useless like me? Let's take a look at ten modern-ish bands who are maybe on the border of Dad Bandland, and let's make some rulings. Dad likes things to have rules. Dad wants things sorted out.

THE NATIONAL

Easy choice. Already a favorite among many dads from 30 to 55 years of age. The lush arrangements give dads plenty to geek out on, Matt Berninger's lyrics address dads' mounting sense of existential dread, and Bryan Devendorf's idiosyncratic drum parts are fun to pound out on one's desk at work. RULING: DAD BAND

MUMFORD & SONS

They are a bunch of dudes and they play music that's fairly easy to follow. But they used to play a lot of banjos and mandolins and, I don't know, lutes? Were there lutes? And now they're plugged into amps and rocking out. It's hard to follow. Dad is confused. RULING: NOT A DAD BAND

AVETT BROTHERS

Someone could pull out a guitar at a mellow backyard barbecue, fire up "I And Love And You," and a lot of dads will think that's really great and not super-annoying. RULING: DAD BAND

ARCADE FIRE

Yeah, there are guitars in there. Somewhere. But it's all very lush and overwhelming. Dad can't always find the chorus. Dad's reaching for his Unforgettable Fire CD. RULING: NOT A DAD BAND

LCD SOUNDSYSTEM

Every dad wants to hang out with James Murphy. Every dad would gravitate to James Murphy at the fundraiser for school. Every dad likes yelling out "Drunk girls!" in that one song. But no dad knows the rest of the words. And no dad can sing all of "Dance Yrself Clean." RULING: NOT A DAD BAND

DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE

Dad's been sad. He's been a sad, sad Dad. Sometimes his day is bad. What a bad sad day Dad had. RULING: DAD BAND

RADIOHEAD

Come on, man. RULING: NOT A DAD BAND

VAMPIRE WEEKEND

Yep, all the paperwork checks out. Needs a few more great catchy albums, of course, but barring an act of God, there is no reason for those albums not to happen. Dads of the future are very pleased. RULING: DAD BAND

MODEST MOUSE

So much lines up here to be a Dad Band. The guitars, the hooks, the body of work, the lyrics. But I don't think Dad can sound like Isaac Brock when he sings. I don't think Dad can get to that place vocally or emotionally. Dad will try but Dad will get tired. RULING: NOT A DAD BAND

HIPPO CAMPUS

Tough one. This Minneapolis combo is populated by extraordinarily young guys who play with tremendous energy and passion. RULING: NOT CURRENTLY A DAD BAND

But no amount of energy will stop time. RULING: FUTURE DAD BAND

Happy Father's Day!

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