Ex-wife is lying to kids about dad

Dear Dr. Marcia,

I am the recently divorced father of an 8 year old daughter and 10 year old son. My ex wife insisted on staying in the marital home. It is far too big for her alone and costly to keep, however since she insisted she had to give me my half of the appraisal value which I used to buy an affordable condo. She is getting alimony and child support from me as well.

Now just 6 months into that agreement she is constantly whining that she does not get enough money from me to keep the house. My attorney clearly informed her that is not my problem, as she can sell the house if she wants.

The reason I’m writing is because of what I feel is the game she is playing with the children. While she still manages to get her nails done weekly, and get her hair done and buy designer bags, she does nothing with the kids telling them that I do not give her enough money and she can’t afford to do anything with them.

Most recently, she told them they would go to a name amusement place over spring vacation, then told them she did not have enough money for the tickets and gas. They of course came to me literally crying and begging me to give her money because she had none.

I will not stoop to her level and bad mouth her to our children, but this is getting out of hand. She has already told them they can’t do anything over the summer because I won’t give her money; so they had better figure out ways to keep themselves occupied.

I have been turned into the bad guy even though she is the one playing games with our kids. All the kids talk about is how mommy doesn’t have any money.

Please tell me how to handle this.

Signed,

Desperate Dad

Dear Desperate Dad,

I would first suggest asking her to meet for a civilized conversation.

Don’t get into how you are being made out to be the bad guy. This is not about you – its about the kids – and your ex needs to be reminded of that.

Stress to her that the best interest of the children is supposed to be both of your priorities. Tell her you would never think of discrediting her to your children which is why you wanted to speak to her in person to work this out.

Calmly see if you can get her to understand how putting them in the middle hurts them. Ask her to be reasonable for the sake of your children. Suggest that possibly selling the house and moving would be a better environment for all.

If she refuses to listen to reason, sadly, I would say you would need to contact your attorney to advise you on how to remedy the situation.

Marcia Owens has a doctorate in relationship psychology. If you would like to see a question answered, or for a confidential personal response, write Draskdrm@gmail.com.