Remember the 90s? Well guess what, they’re back: in cruise form! In some sort of Megazord-esque joining of forces, the folks from the “I Love the 90s Tour” and ASK4 Entertainment are teaming up for “Ship-Hop,” a 90s hip-hip and R&B themed cruise. If you ever wanted to see the likes of Vanilla Ice, Salt-N-Peppa, Naughty By Nature, and many more acts that will make you go “Oh yeah, them” during the course of a four-day cruise from Miami to Key West to Cozumel, then boy is this cruise-tour-thing ever for you!

In addition to live performances, guests can expect a “‘ship’ load” (:p) of photo meet-and-greets, interactive events and activities, and theme nights (despite, you know, the cruise itself already being one big theme night) — not to mention the usual cruise ship amenities such as 24-hour dining, a casino, and of course, the cornerstone of any great cruise, Tone Lōc! shuffleboard! Eat chocolate chip pancakes at three in the morning with Young MC! Shoot craps with Kid ‘N’ Play! Play shuffleboard with Coolio and Biz Markie! (Real talk: this will most likely be the only chance in your life you’ll have to play shuffleboard with Coolio and Biz Markie. Don’t blow this.)

And to make sure the nostalgia never dies down for a single second, there’s also promise of “a stocked bar to keep the party going all week.” All week? Huh, that’s kind of a vaguely threatening promise to make, seeing as it’s only a four-day event! Hahaha. Haha. Ha.

THERE IS NO ESCAPE. YOU WILL NEVER GET OFF THE BOAT.

…Whoa, that was weird…did you guys hear something?

Anyway, what are you waiting for? And be sure to tell all your 90s-obsessed friends – the one who has somehow kept their Tamagotchi alive for last 20 years, the one who owns every volume of Jock Jams on CD, the one who moderates the 273-member Facebook group, “If two million people join this group, MTV will start playing music videos again!” – because this sounds right up their alleys!

“Ship-Hop” sets sail aboard the Carnival Sensation from January 11-15, 2018. Watch a video previewing the cruise (and start to sweat out of sheer, cringing discomfort like me) below, and check out the full lineup here.

NOSTALGIA CONSUMES ALL. THERE IS NO HOPE.

…Seriously, is there a draft in here?