“I mean, I’m going to read it, obviously. I just don’t find anything about it very funny or hot, neither of which I think is a lot to ask of a book about a would-be President.”

“To be completely frank, I just hate the cover. The colors and the font choice seem a little pushy. It’s, like, hello, we get it. You want us to buy your book. Pander much?”

“It’s fine, I guess, although personally I think she should have talked about jobs more. I guess she does say ‘jobs’ a bunch of times in the book, but who wants to read some boring book all about jobs? Not me, man, not me.”

“Yeah, it’s obviously a great book, but are they even advertising it in Wisconsin? How are people going to know that they should choose to buy this book rather than, say, a piece of paper covered in incoherent riddles and poison?”

“I purchased this book, but I do think it is morally bereft and evil. I guess if I were to compare it to, like, ‘Lolita,’ a book about someone who lusts after his own step-daughter, it’s not as bad. In fact, I’d argue that this book is the lesser of two evils, if only because this book never describes at length the desire to look at underage girls undressing. But I can confidently say that is the only difference.”

“I bought it, O.K.? I didn’t want to buy it, but I didn’t really have much of a choice, did I? And what do I have to show for it? A glimpse into the world of a powerful person who has broken barriers, engaged in thirty years of politics, and can boast of countless global achievements, both diplomatic and humanitarian? Whatever—call me when Elizabeth Warren comes out with a book.”

“My only question is, where are Hillary’s most private and personal thoughts? Where are they? In another book—a PRIVATE book, perhaps? I refuse to trust this book until I see Hillary Clinton’s diary.”