If you’ve ever had the misfortune to having dealt with so called ‘morons’, then firstly my heart goes out to you. Secondly, this article and the next should be of great value to you.

First let me tell you a story from my own experience with a person who has stepped on my boundaries. This is why I decided to stop meeting her altogether. To make it easier I’ll refer to her as Lenda.

Recently, after years passed by, she stepped into my life through another circumstance.

She didn’t do this willingly. She was kind of forced into doing it and wasn’t in a position to say much. But I must say she managed to almost make her completely fake smile seem real.

Since we are both connected to Jim, a family member I care about, (and her partner) I accepted the invitation of building a relationship once again. And the other reason for reconnecting was because I was very sick.

I embraced the love and attention I received and I was happy to reciprocate. I and Fareem (my husband) were happy to get to live at their home for a short while. But after having far overstayed the hospitality extended to us, it was time to leave. I’d also like to add that we left only when WE felt ready to leave.

Reason for me taking this ‘advantage’ was because I was thrown out of that same house two years ago without a reason. And by thrown out, I literally mean shoved out.

Flashback. I’ve known Jim since I was a kid and Lenda for about 15 years. I’ve always loved them and brought light, positive energy, growth and love into their lives.

So, I was obviously very confused as to why I got thrown out; insulted and humiliated during this episode.

Back to now. Jim decided to have a conversation and talk about everything that happened that day. What could be better, I thought. I was forthcoming, especially since I had still not gotten answers around my insult.

Fareem was with me which felt very good. In the past I have been standing up for myself all alone in quite hostile environments. There used to be several people attacking me at the same time, barely giving me a chance to speak. Severe judgments, shouting and insults have been a common place for me.

But this time I wasn’t alone. I had my husband who was there to fend for me if and when needed. Speaking where I was not able to and asking me to breathe when I had to.

The conversation is the most crucial part of this article. All four of us sat down awkwardly to have the ‘talk’. Lenda starts with saying she never wanted to have this conversation in the first place. But she acknowledged my bravery for wanting to.

Meanwhile I thought to myself that nobody would like to have a conversation when they know they are wrong, except the real brave ones. She is definitely not one of them. Anyhow, she started to clearly define her boundaries. Shed a few odd tears during this. I appreciated her though for sharing her boundaries. I said to her that I totally get her boundaries and they make sense to me.

She was happy.

Then I asked her about that night she threw me out of their house.

Why did she do it?



The answer was so incredibly pathetic that I felt like slapping her across her face.

She said and I quote, “I was not myself that time of my life and that night. I had so much going on that I didn’t want to take responsibility of you as well. Why I took out all my frustration on you, I don’t know myself, but had it been anyone else I would have done the same thing to them”. Yaaaa right!

For the record, Lenda’s mother was on a visit for more than 6 months at that very time at their house. But surprisingly enough she wasn’t a victim of her daughter’s abuse. I was. And there was nothing I did to deserve it. I thought, ‘Who asked you or even expected you to take my responsibility?’ I was looking to stay over for just a couple of days, having gone through a terrible breakup from a 3 year relationship. It’s only common sense to be supportive in such times, especially for family!

Then Fareem asked her why she didn’t bother to reconnect after that incident. It’s been two and a half years now. What stopped her from reconnecting; given it was a spur of the moment emotion. She had no answer. Neither did Jim, who’s supposed to be a direct family to me.

She felt so stupid because she had nothing to come up with to defend her actions. Lenda decided to switch to a completely irrelevant topic. So she started shedding crocodile tears and used terribly abusive language saying “not a single cu** stopped me when I was sent back to my home, 1 year into my marriage; not even you”.

I was like….WHAAAAT?!!@#

I said to her that I was 15 years old and had firstly no idea of what was happening. And how the hell can a grown up person expect a child to rescue them? Especially when her partner Jim, should rightfully have been the person to do that job.



She felt like a moron and looked like one too. Then she admitted openly, “Ya, you’re right about that”.

Then I asked her about the incident on a special holiday called Eid in Islam. It’s supposed to be a time for joy, love and forgiveness, but not for this douchebag.

She made another huge scene on Eid that I got to know about. Saying “If Selma comes I will leave this house”. I called up Jim then and he reacted, “I don’t know what to do. I’ll just run away”. To which I answered “It’s ok. I don’t want to create a fight, so I’ll stay at home” (alone).

Unsurprisingly she couldn’t ‘recollect’ this incident. How convenient..

Jim just looked down in shame.

Seems she is the only person in the family who can’t remember that day.

Next and last topic on our list was our boundaries, meaning mine and Fareems.

You really need to hear this. It defies logic.

During our short stay at their place, the most unimaginable things came out of this difficult persons mouth. What’s more mind boggling is how she managed to cross my and Fareem’s boundaries several times.

Let’s look at the first thing this moron said. I asked her if she wanted to eat a sweet (which was in the shape of a ball). To which she said “No, but I like to eat other balls, haha”. She said this in front of me, Jim and Fareem, which I thought was completely inappropriate. Of course her partner didn’t react, which I think is absurd. Unfortunately I never got to tell her about this particular incident then because our conversation had already ended at that point.

But I did ask her this now. During another conversation she completely disrespected and degraded an elderly woman in our family. (I’ll refer to her as Susan). She mentioned that Susan should indulge in phone sex with another man, we were discussing about to get to know him better (This was her idea of a joke).

At this point Jim woke up and wondered when the hell did this happen and what was the context.

At this point Lenda was drowning in shame and embarrassment. This was a scene to behold. But she tried hard to look puzzled and startled. As if there was nothing wrong in what she had said. I said that it was extremely disrespectful, degrading and inappropriate to say the least. She just said “Ok..?” and sat there like a fool.

I didn’t stop there. I reminded her that after that phone sex comment she also ‘joked’ about peni***. She said that when a man becomes older his peni* changes from a zucchini to a bitter gourd (Who says something like that?). And of course the clown was the only one laughing at her so called joke.

Jim couldn’t believe his ears.

The last boundary I wanted to share was regarding my husband. I asked her who the hell was she to tell my husband to change his pants because ‘guests’ were coming. And with guests she meant family. That is another thing the rest of the very big family gets annoyed at, being called guests by her when they are family.

Now she spoke up. First she defended her action by saying that she had the right telling people what they should wear, because Hey, guests were coming. Her partner agreed.

When we showed our disagreement, they shared a sarcastic stare. She said to him “Don’t look at me; You are crossing my boundary”, giggling like a moron.

Jim responded, “Let’s listen to their list of boundaries. Yes please continue.”

They were highly sarcastic and disrespectful. Me and Fareem looked at each other and thought the same thing.

“You guys want respect. You want everyone to accept your boundaries, but when someone tells you theirs, you laugh at them.”



They kept giggling. At this point I stood up and said “YOU ARE NOT WORTH KEEPING A RELATIONSHIP WITH“.

And I also made sure to tell the two that I wasn’t the only one in the family who thought Lenda’s ‘so called jokes’ were completely out of line. One even went to the extent of saying, she would have given her a slap across her face, had she been there.

We left.

Apparently that last comment really hurt her. So after we left, they frantically called every member of the family. One out of many family members did answer; the poor guy got exposed to a very unpleasant call. She was screaming, abusing and crying all at the same time. Abuses so grave and gruesome as if trying to break a record of douchyness.

Funny thing is that the man she called is someone she constantly makes fun off behind his back. Someone she supposedly has no respect for. She said to us that this man doesn’t have any respect and says very inappropriate things when he sits in front of family. Also when Fareem was sitting alone with her and Jim, they particularly WARNED Fareem to stay away from that same man. Ironic, isn’t it? But make no mistake, she does love his big house and pool though which she frequently likes to use.

Don’t know which of these pointers is most ironic.

Anyhow, the guy immediately told her to calm down and stop abusing. If she wanted him to listen she better start talking in a normal way.

Now listen to this one. Jim was so shocked by Lenda’s sexual comments, that he concluded us being liars! Wow! Talk about being delusional! And this guy is otherwise really intelligent. Anyways, he takes over the phone call and starts defending his douchebag. “You think for yourself, how could Lenda ever say such an awful thing, especially in front of Susan?”

When we heard this we were blown away. But also happy for doing what we did, ending the relationship. There is really no point in arguing with such people. People who demand respect from others without ever giving it back. People who sit on their high chair, judging one and all. They are unwilling to take responsibility for their actions and wrongdoings.

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Selma

Part 2 coming up soon: 7 Ways To Deal With A Moron