North Korea has denied hacking Sony Pictures’ computer systems in retaliation for its movie “The Interview,” which revolves around a plot to assassinate North Korea’s leader, Kim Jong Un. But the secretive state has called the crippling cyberattack a “righteous deed” and has suggested that its “supporters and sympathizers” might be taking revenge on its behalf.

—Washington Post.

The North Korean Ministry of Culture observed a special “sneaker preview” of the disgraceful American cinematic farce “The Interview,” released by Sony Pictures, owned by the cowardly war-loser nation of Japan. Although such an ignominious excuse for filmmaking does not hold candlesticks to any of Dear Leader’s eleven thousand eight hundred and ninety producing credits, all of which won North Korea’s Best Picture “Kims,” we are obligated to post our review to the cyber-Web-blogs in the interest of journalistic objectivity, unlike the bias of the preëminent Western outlet Yahoo Answers.

We have previously enjoyed the collaborative efforts of American thespian-insurrectionists Seth Rog-en and James Frank-oh, especially on “The Freaks As Well As the Geeks,” an Apollonian/Dionysian television show marred only by recurrent “capitalistic breaks” featuring products such as Mountain Dew yellow fructose liquid and Clearasil oil-decreaser for American youths’ inferior complexions.

In addition, we approved of the premise for “This Is the End,” about the cesspool of California meeting its demise due to its depravity and sinful climate, in which the actor-reprobates played actor-reprobates also named Seth Rog-en and James Frank-oh because Mr. Rog-en, one of the puny-brained screenwriters for the project, lacked the imagination to conceive of different (better) names.

We have even been sporadically entertained by their work under the auspices of the comedic-film dictator Judd Hirsch, in which the two facial-haired men-youths, alongside other facial-haired men-youths, grow addicted to cannabis-plant cigarettes and arcade games to escape the quotidian tyranny of hollow American life while correctly referring to one another as homosexual deviants.

But “The Interview” is an overlong rice porridge of visual gagging and situation-comedic-style “ocean liners” that will make viewers request the return of their two hours that could have otherwise been spent in glorious service of the benevolent state.

The direction, by Mr. Rog-en and his fellow Zionist conspirator Evan Goldberg, is as limp as the handshake of Obama the Meek. The jumpy cinematography feels designed to compel voracious American consumers to exit the screening dungeon to buy additional feed pails of dairy-slathered popped corn and gallons of Shasta brown fructose liquid. The track of sound somehow does not include any use of the twelve-stringed gayageum, let alone the thirty-three-stringed ongnyugeum. Instead, it is composed of inferior-quality MP3s from the likes of pelvic-bone-hop artists Small-Sized Jon, Diminutive Wayne, and Normal-Statured Eminem.

The travesty’s sole redeeming feature is the actress Lizzy Caplan, whom the Ministry of Culture formally invites to dine as an honored guest of Outstanding Leader for the next decade.

We give “The Interview” two highly-enriched-uranium programs down and sentence whichever Hollywood vulture shone a “green-colored light” on it to seven years of hard labor.

Next week’s review: “The Magnificent Eight-Point Slam Dunks of Outstanding Leader” (directed by Dennis Rodman)