13 Things We Learned from the New NOFX Autobiography

Published Apr 18, 2016

California punks NOFX are notorious dirt bags. So while their new autobiography, NOFX: The Hepatitis Bathtub and Other Stories , co-written with Jeff Alulis, tells the band's rise from shitty L.A. upstarts to the kings of pop-punk, it should come as no surprise that it's also teeming with the kinds of sordid tales of drunken hooliganism and abject squalor that would put Mötley Crüe to shame.We dug through the grit and grime to unearth the weirdest, funniest and most awful stories we could find. Below, find the most notable 13.Brutal fights and even rape were not uncommon. "Basically every five to ten minutes at any given punk show people were beating each other to a bloody pulp," writes Fat Mike. "A lot of people joining the scene weren't just doing it for the music and fashion; they also wanted to kick the shit out of people without suffering any consequences."Lead singer and bass player Fat Mike considers 1989's S&M Airlines to be their first real album. "Despite its flaws, it was a move to a melodic style of songwriting. It was a cross between D.I., RKL and Bad Religion. It wasn't as good as any of them, but it was a step in the right direction.""[My father] grew up surrounded by the competitive atmosphere of Hollywood," he writes. "[My grandfather] left a legacy to live up to.""The first time we met Subculture on the road, I was a scrawny kid, but the next time we saw them I had gained some weight," he writes. "I don't know if I'd call myself 'fat' at 160 pounds, but one of the guys from Subculture started calling me 'Fat Mike,' and to this day everyone's confused by it.""When we got home we opened the case to find a hat with a whale sticking out of it, an American flag kilt, some leather wader pants… these were the outfits the Chili Peppers had worn in all their promo photos and on stage for their whole Freaky Styley tour."Despite Ian MacKaye's well-known aversion to drugs and alcohol, in "a blizzard of immaturity, intoxication, exhaustion, and frustration," the members of NOFX poured out a six-pack of beer all over the van's interior. "It wasn't saying 'fuck you' to Fugazi," recalls Fat Mike. "It was just us saying 'fuck you' to the tour and everything that had been fucking us up.""She was insane, but she was fun. She wanted me to be the drummer for her brand-new band Hole.""I explained clearly and repeatedly, don't show my face. I don't know who was responsible, but guess whose fucking face was shown plain as day with a needle in his arm in the September 17, 1992 issue of Rolling Stone? And guess whose mom happened to purchase that very same issue during a routine trip to the grocery store?" Sandin went to rehab following the recording of White Trash, Two Heebs and a Bean. He's been clean ever since."People often use the word 'pimp' as a figure of speech, but when I describe Bob Lush as a pimp, I mean it literally," writes Mike. "He dated a hooker who would turn tricks so they could afford drugs." His liver exploded after she threw him over a weight bench. He later died of an overdose. "The rest of the lyrics to that song are fictional.""Of course, being a Mexican I was always cast as a criminal. Every time I'd show up on set they would hand me a bandana.""Everyone was signing. Everyone was hanging gold records on their walls. I saw Rancid on Saturday Night Live," writes Mike. "NOFX on SNL? It would have been a fabulous disaster.""We were always the joking band," he writes. "We cornered the market on low brow humour." Although he considers the members of Blink "bros," NOFX later turned down a million-dollar offer to open for them.Several members sunk some of their money into money losing ventures: Hefe opened Hefe's Nightclub in Eureka, CA which lost $150,000 in its two years of existence, while Melvin bought a coffee shop on Melrose Avenue and lost $180,000 in three years. Bucking the trend was Smelly, who formed a motocross team called Moto XXX. The team lasted 14 years and, according to him, changed the entire look and attitude of the sport: "It went from Walt Disney to Larry Flynt."