Fandom: Frozen Rating: T

1 At that time, the prophetess Anna daughter of Agnarr judged Israel. And she dwelt under the palm tree between Ramah and Bethel in Mount Ephraim, and all Israel came up to her for judgment.

2 A woman of Judah was accused of witchcraft, so the children of Israel brought the woman to Anna.

3 Hans of the tribe of Westergaard said unto Anna, “This woman Elsa is a witch. She maketh ice and snow, which is abhorrent unto the LORD; for why would He have taken us up out of Egypt and into this desert if He did not want us to get sunburned?”

4 And the woman Elsa said, “The LORD hath blessed me with ice and snow so that Israel may water their crops and their livestock, and that once in a while they might have a margarita or two.”

5 And the spirit of the prophetess Anna daughter of Agnarr was troubled, and she said, “Return unto me tomorrow, for I must pray to the LORD for guidance.”

6 When they had left her, she prayed, “O LORD, my heart shudders within me, and my loins are vexed. For the man Hans is gorgeous, but the woman Elsa is damned sexy. And I am totally in over my head with this judging thing.”

7 So the LORD sent her BFF Kristoff unto her, and he said, “O Anna, why dost thou doubtest the LORD? Get thee up and visit the woman Elsa this night, that thou mayest see for thyself what the LORD hath wrought for the sake of Israel.”

8 So the prophetess Anna daughter of Agnarr went to see Elsa in the tent where they were keeping her.

9 And there was a great crowd of men and women from all over Israel surrounding the tent. And when Anna inquired of the crowd why they were there, she was told, “The woman Elsa is giving out snow cones.”

10 So Anna asked for a snow cone, but Elsa said, “The LORD came to me in a dream and said, ‘Thou shalt not give the prophetess Anna a snow cone until she doeth right in Mine eyes.’”

11 And Anna prayed to the LORD for guidance, and after she had heard the voice of the LORD, she and Elsa did what was right in His eyes until the sun rose. And Elsa gave Anna a snow cone.

12 The next day, Hans and Elsa appeared before Anna again for judgment. And Anna said, “The LORD hath spoken to me. Hans of the tribe of Westergaard, thou art a poopyhead.”

13 But the men of Israel asked, “Did not Moses say that it is an abomination for two women to lie together?”

14 So Anna and Elsa kissed, and the cuteness struck blind the men of Israel. And Anna said, “Pray unto the LORD that He might cure you of your blindness.” And the men of Israel prayed, and the LORD cured them of their blindness.

15 The men of Israel took Hans and forced him to smoke weed until he passed out. So Hans was stoned to death.

16 And the prophetess Anna daughter of Agnarr lived with Elsa, and she judged Israel for forty years.