24/white/nblesbian/autistic/disabled. Spiff. Psych nerd, Victorian buff, Social Justice Mage, too xeno to function. Definitely going to fuck the robot. Pronouns: aut/auts or it/its.

Biphobic XOJane Article Takedown

Oh my god though the actual article (here) is so much worse than I could even imagine I’m going to just have to do a full post about its fuckery. Even the tagline is just:

By hanging onto queer when what you really mean is “I think Ellen Page has the softest looking hair,” you’re claiming social capital and an identity that isn’t yours to claim.



Author: Did u know that I have the ability to perfectly arbitrate what does and does not constitute same gender attraction? : )

Me: *desperately shoving social capital into my purse* I need to leave right now immediately.

But I did not leave immediately because I am just that masochistic.

The author then goes off on a rant about how she totally knows this super fake queer lady u guys. Her “proof” that her friend is faking it? Well u see this horrible faker lady:

Was afraid to show public support for queer pride in high school because she thought she would be bullied.



Feels less afraid to identify as queer as an adult in a liberal all women’s college environment than she did as a child in a small highschool.

Thinks one lady is hot, but doesn’t think another different lady is hot.



Doesn’t want to be outed without her consent.

Is afraid to openly discuss being queer in public or in front of her family.



Only discusses her queer identity among close friends she feels safe with.

Wants to be involved in queer events.

Is scared of the repercussions of coming out to other people in her grad school program.



Hasn’t told the author about sleeping with or dating women. Hasn’t outed any of the “men” she dated as nonbinary or trans women.

(oh and the author also implies that dating trans men would somehow be less het than dating cis men so good job being a misgendering asshat lol)

Then after this scathing teardown she finishes up with:

It’s totally a jerk move to appoint myself the arbitrator of my friend’s sexuality and identity. It’s none of my business, it is none of my business, and truly, it is none of my business.



??? ITS A LITTLE LATE FOR THAT FRIEND

Y’ALL JUST SPENT SEVERAL PARAGRAPHS TEARING DOWN THIS WOMAN AND SHITTING ON HER IDENTITY. U SAW HER USE ONE HASHTAG ON AN INSTAGRAM PHOTO AND DECIDED IT WAS SO THOROUGHLY UR BUSINESS THAT U WROTE A DAMN ARTICLE ABOUT HOW FAKE SHE IS.

Biphobes really think they’re being slick. Like they really think we can’t see this shit.

The author concludes her friend is being “a huge asshole.” Why? Because she only feel comfortable discussing her queer identity with people she feels safe around and the author doesn’t think she’s in danger. Not only does she think she is allowed to decide what sexuality her friend is permitted to have, she thinks she can magically divine how well her family, friend, coworkers, authority figures would respond to her coming out. Utilising this powers, she concludes her friend is cowardly.

U heard that right. Being in the closet is a “shitty, lazy excuse not to be brave.”

Then she gets on some straight-passing privilege shit which is already bullshit and inherently transphobic and victim blaming but in this case it’s like even flimsier than usual.

By choosing not to mention to male grad students that she thinks Helen Mirren is dreamy while emphasizing how handsome her boyfriend is, my friend passes on just a sliver of the burden of queer liberation to someone else. In selectively closeting herself, she reinforces shitty, harmful ideas (“All women with boyfriends are straight” “I don’t know any queer people”) and outsources the work of making a more accepting world.



I don’t even know where to start on this paragraph. It’s like trying to make a “ur fave is problematic” post for Donald Trump. It’s just overwhelming. People who are in the closet are literally responsible for homophobia? The real reason for bi erasure is bi women not constantly coming out to homophobes?

And just the fact, just the fact that you would talk about “who is being given the burden of queer liberation” here? You realise studies have again and again found that bi and mga women are the most vulnerable to abuse, rape, health problems, and discrimination within the LGB community? Bisexual ladies are not lounging on pool chairs sipping cocktails and hobnobbing with the cishets while u Toil Thanklessly In The Discourse Mines. The community has problems with some groups doing all the work and other groups reaping the benefits, but its not what ur talking about here. You realise that queer trans women of color have done basically all of the work in the entire history of this movement and that white cis people have reaped the benefits and taken all of the credit, right? Like, that is an actual problem.

I want to pause here and emphasize something: I know most queer/bisexual/pansexual identifying women are not like my friend.



How unceasingly magnanimous of you. I was afraid there for a moment, that I would fail to meet ur standards of Who Is And Is Not An Acceptable Queer. Thanks friend, really. That means so fucking much after you spent half an article explicitly shitting on my identity. Please take ur respectability politics elsewhere. I’m not interested in being told I’m “one of the good ones.”

If you have an attraction to women that you’re not sure you’d ever act on or you could never see yourself in a relationship with women, I would encourage you to explore other language than queer or bisexual. Heteroflexible is a good one. Or push at the limits of what straight can be. I think it’s damaging and insulting to straight folks to insist that having any thoughts beyond the boy-girl variety should explode your identity.



This paragraph is so surreal I feel like I’m reading a series of hastily pasted together dril tweets with randomly inserted discourse buzzwords. No, that’s not true. That’s too unkind. Dril would never tell me to “push at the limits of what straight can be.” Dril would never demand I identify as “heteroflexible.”

The crowning jewel to this is probably the author’s concern that straight folks might be “damaged and insulted” by people identifying as queer.

WON’T SOM1 THINK OF THE HETEROSEUXALS…. THE POOR STRAIGHT FOLKS WHO ARE SO CRUELLY DAMAGED AND INSULTED BY BISEXUALS : (((

This author seems totally oblivious of the fact that she has aligned herself with straight people against queer people. Like, she has proudly taken the cishet side. She has explicitly chosen to defend straightness rather than be associated with icky fake bi girls. And remember, this isn’t a straight woman writing this. The Author identifies as a lesbian. And still hates queer women this much. Amazing.

Anyway so the author encourages queer women to “earn” the right to have their identity in the following ways:



If you want to put dibs on queerness, put in some sweat equity. Show up for the less glamorous queer events that are the lifeblood of the community, not Pride. Serve on boards figuring out how to make gayborhoods safer, attend fundraising bingos for queer elders, advocate for gender neutral bathrooms in your workplace.

…You… you know it’s still legal to kill a trans woman because she’s trans in the vast majority of the US, right? You do realise racism and transmisogyny is a real problem in our community? That there are homeless queer youth suffering rn? That AIDS still exists? That disabled queer people can’t get married? These things listed aren’t bad things to do, but they are hardly the most important work we have to do. They’re hardly the first priorities. Not to mention “making gayborhoods safer” sounds like it’s gonna involve supporting cops, harming sex workers, and possibly gentrification.



It’s also worth noting that, apparently, the author thinks this is only work that mga women have to do. People who are only attracted to their own gender get automatic VIP passes to queerness, it’s only those disgusting bihets who need to earn their validity through labor. We’re the only ones who have to prove ouselves here.

Most importantly, come out everywhere, all the time, event when it’s hard.

This is one of the most privileged sentences mine eyes have ever beheld. It is veritably glistening with ignorance.

Anyway, the author finishes up this biphobic screed with a series of reassurances that she is totally not biphobic u guys. She actually dated a bi once. She dated someone who’s dating a bi right now. She thinks if bi women came out more often, her dating life would be more active, and also all biphobia would vanish. But she also wants you to know that unless you are in imminent danger of being physically attacked or are 100% certain you will be ostracized by your family, you HAVE to come out. If you don’t, “fuck you.”

I would be not at all annoyed at my friend if she said things like “I think Helen Mirren is a bewitching sex goddess” instead of “I think Helen Mirren is a bewitching sex goddess, therefore I am queer” (not a direct quote, no one is that much of an twit).



Also, whatever that is.



I haven’t gotten my identity police certification in the mail yet. I’m not in charge of how my friend or you, conducts a sexual identity. But the personal is political, as the slogan goes. It’s to your benefit, and the benefit of our communities, to live honest and shameless sexual lives.



This almost mind boggling lack of self awareness is, frankly, almost fascinating.

This is what biphobes actually believe.

This is what we’re up against.