There are a lot of good websites and news outlets that will give you the proper scientific explanation for why the total solar eclipse is occurring next week. But a few things should be obvious: This is predictable. This is rare — the last time a similar eclipse went across the U.S. like this was nearly a century ago. And it’s pretty neat that we’ll get to witness it.

But if you’re conservative Christian activist Bryan Fischer, this has to be a sign of something. And that something must be Satan.

He posted his theory on Facebook.

The path of this total eclipse of the sun is remarkable, in that it crosses over the entire continental United States, almost perfectly bisecting America from the Northwest to the Southeast. And in that path, the sun will be perfectly blotted out, by the ruler of the night, plunging all of America in its path into virtual total darkness. This is a metaphor, or a sign, of the work of the Prince of Darkness in obscuring the light of God’s truth. Satan, and those who unwittingly serve as his accomplices by resisting the public acknowledgement of God and seeking to repress the expression of Christian faith in our land, are bringing on us a dark night of the national soul. … As the Creator of the universe, God has designed the movement of the heavenly bodies such that an eclipse of the sun lasts only for a short season, after which the sun emerges once again in all of its powerful, resplendent, and unquenchable glory. What God will do in the heavenly world we can see can and must be mirrored in the heavenly world we cannot see. By his grace, may his glorious truth emerge once again from the darkness and fill this land with his pure, unfiltered,and radiant light.

There you have it. The eclipse is a sign that Satan wants to cover up God’s Truth. Which means when the eclipse is over, GOD CAN RULE AGAIN.

Or, you know, it has something to do with orbits.

Pay attention in your science classes, kids, or you’ll end up like Church Lady.

(via Joe. My. God. whose post’s URL did not go unnoticed)

