It was about time Britain took action to stop immigrants from coming and exploit the country by taking jobs the British refuse to do.

From now on, wherever there are fields of asparagus, instead of letting foreigners muck Brits about by picking them and placing them in cases, it can go rotten. So British grubs can have a place where to live at last.

Low skilled immigrants have been coming over here using up British resources. Seventeen per cent of those working in care homes across the UK are foreigners. That is much higher than the percentage of those who are in care homes and depend on them. British elderly go through all that trouble in making puddles of wee and sick, and those immigrants clean them up and walk off with it.

Wouldn’t you agree that it’s common sense to put an end to it? That is like in the case you had five people in your place. Yet, only one does all the cooking and washing up. Who wouldn’t agree the most rational thing is to throw them out for being a parasite?

Most of the work will still be done

But, you don't worry. Home secretary Priti Patel reassured that most of the work will still be done.

There are “eight million inactive people in Britain”, who can do these jobs.

The majority of these eight million people are retired, and that works out great. The elderly, instead of going into care homes, can become productive by getting a job in a nursing home. Mopping up each other’s mess, freeing capital for the care home sector, by ignoring who is the carer and who is the resident, so they don’t have to get paid.

Then, there are 1.9 million of those inactive citizens caring for relatives, which could be a small child or perhaps a disabled family member. But most of the work will still get done because they will take on shifts as labourers in building sites. And they could also use their disabled father’s wheelchair to push packs of cement around, giving a further boost to productivity.

Certainly, Priti Patel has looked at the details, and worked out that the ‘inactive people’ are ideally suited to fill the positions generated by ending unskilled immigration.

If, for example, someone is economically inactive because they’ve had a triple heart by-pass in Sunderland, they are the obvious people to pick fruit and vegetable all day in Hereford. Now we have the ludicrous situation where that job gets done by someone able to do it and living in Hereford but is foreign.

How to show you adequately skilled

The plan put forward by the British government is to assess immigrant skills by how much they get paid. If it’s over £26,500 a year, that shows they’re adequately skilled to be of use to Britain, so they are welcome to come.

Why not enforce this policy across the whole of society? Britain would be so much better off. Supermarkets owners would be welcome to say, of course. But, shoppers will enjoy a much better experience. They will finally be able to wander around Aldi with plenty of room. It would no longer be crowded with staff, as they will all be deported.

And that's precisely what Britain wants. Instead of waiters and nurses, robbing the nation £9 an hour for “work”, Britain can welcome useful people. We have always been very clear about this. If a banker wants to move over and create a financial crash, crashing the economy, that’s fine! As long as they give themselves a very fat bonus. If they apologise and give themselves less than £26,500, they can piss off back to their country, those cheapskate sponges.

They should learn from how the British behaved when relocating abroad.

When British businesspeople moved to India and Africa, they had an independent income. That was obtained by taking minerals from India and Africa and trading slaves. Thus, they all made well over £26,500 a year and were not a drain on the resources of local people.

And this is the good way British people continue adopting, by sending Spain the most skilled offenders. Why burden them with inexperienced, petty thieves who don’t even take £26,500 a year.

Strong knowledge of English language

One of the rules suggested is newcomers will need a strong knowledge of English language before being accepted in. Just as every British person who moves to Italy, France, Greece, Spain or Portugal knows so well how to shout

“MILK. I said MILK. No, MILK, don’t you know what milk is — MILK,”

before they settle in.

One reason regularly put forward for harsh immigration policies is that, once a government is hard on “outsiders”, life becomes easier for the foreigners already there. There will be less hostility towards them.

What a great point!

Unquestionably, it seems to have served well throughout history. Whenever a government was robust in blaming immigrants, soon after, everyone gets along much better.

Priti Patel admits her very own parents would have been barred entry under her new rules.

That confirms how fair she is.

As if a Titanic survival went on to become minister of shipping. And the first thing he does is banning lifeboats.

I am sure you, like me, are struggling to contain the joy.

Well done! We did it!

We are reducing immigration making Britain an undesirable place to live.

Bravo, Bravo, Braaaavo!