Before his interview with Michael Avenatti on Thursday night, Tucker Carlson told viewers: “Tonight, as a gesture of goodwill, we will not use that nickname because we are always grateful when guests are brave enough to show up in person.”

The nickname Carlson vowed to avoid — “Creepy Porn Lawyer” — was grafted upon Avenatti months ago by the drooling parrots in Trumpville, of which Carlson is a leading squawker. The nickname is a sophomoric attempt to belittle Avenatti and his client, Stormy Daniels. It’s a ploy to dismiss them as unseemly caricatures and not accept them for what they are: a clear and present threat to the U.S. president.

This is standard operating procedure in both Trumpville and Fox News, for which a Venn diagram would produce perfect overlap. Facts are optional. “Liberal” means “evil.” Reality is a balloon to be twisted into whatever exotic animal the toddler-in-chief fancies on any given day: “Tucker, make me a truffle pig that can sniff out Hillary’s emails! Tucker, make me a Doberman with a dog whistle Stephen Miller can cuddle at night when he dreams about mass deportations!”

Carlson isn’t a TV host so much as a party clown.

In a way, it’s understandable. Before he got another shot at primetime in 2016 to replace Bill O’Reilly, who was banished due to multiple sexual harassment allegations, Tucker was stuck in the muck. He was wasting away in a Fox & Friends Weekend purgatory. He was still best known as the bowtie-wearing, partisan buffoon whom Jon Stewart annihilated years ago on CNN’s Crossfire.

So Tucker Carlson Tonight was not just an attempt for the top-rated cable news network to plug an expected hole. It was also a redemption runway for Carlson who had seen his rusting turboprop stall at Fox after crashing and burning at both CNN and MSNBC. Tucker was suddenly a veteran with untested rookie cachet.

But now he was back in the big leagues. And screw it, if using a corked bat or begging Sean Hannity to inject alt-right steroids directly into his backside would keep him in the starting lineup, Carlson was prepared to do and say anything that buttressed the alarmist fictions foisted upon gullible Fox viewers.

Why bother having an honest conversation about campaign finance laws or Russian election meddling or hurricane body counts when you can coin a schoolyard taunt and rattle the snowflakes? Why bother with objective truth when you can score cheap ratings by berating guests or throwing crackers at the drooling parrots?

Obama bad. Trump good. Nike bad. Anthem good. Democrats bad. Russia good.

Whenever Robert Mueller finishes investigating the Trump campaign, he might consider poking around the transfer ledgers of Hannity and Carlson. I’m not suggesting either one is on the take. But it would not surprise me if their favourite cocktail this summer was the Moscow Mule.

But back to Thursday’s interview with Avenatti, who unwisely believed Carlson was a man of his word. He is not, as was made painfully clear a few seconds after Carlson made his goodwill declaration, when a Fox chyron below both men read: “CREEPY PORN LAWYER TOYING WITH 2020 RUN.”

The network should apologize to Avenatti.

Even by their dismal standards, this stunt was beyond reprehensible.

As for the “interview,” well, it was more of a verbal jousting match between two alpha males who loathe one another. Carlson started by playing a clip of Avenatti speaking about Russian election interference at a rally this summer.

“What I’m saying is you are using reckless rhetoric on a subject you don’t really understand that increases the temperature between the United States and a nuclear-armed adversary,” said Tucker, sporting his trademark expression, which makes him look like a severely constipated traveller trying to decipher a train schedule that’s printed in hieroglyphics. “Is that a responsible thing to do?”

To which Avenatti replied: “I think for you to lecture me about reckless rhetoric is rather ironic, Tucker, in light of the reckless rhetoric that you engage in each and every day on this show.”

And so it went for 13 minutes as chyrons morphed in bad faith: “DOES AMERICA WANT CREEPY PORN LAWYER AS PRES?” “CPL FINALLY AGREES TO INTERVIEW WITH TUCKER,” “TUCKER TAKES ON CREEPY PORN LAWYER.”

“I feel that you and others are exploiting (Daniels),” declared Carlson, suddenly interested in the welfare of a woman he’s ridiculed for months.

“I think you are an absolute hypocrite,” replied Avenatti.

“Why are you rich and your client is working in seedy strip clubs?” asked Carlson.

“Tucker, how do you have a show and you’re this ignorant?” replied Avenatti.

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There were no winners on Thursday night. The loser was anyone who watched.

As Avenatti tweeted shortly after a gutless Carlson cut him off and went to commercials: “The extent there was any doubt as to the lack of professionalism of @TuckerCarlson or @FoxNews before tonight, there is no longer. What happened with the chyron tonight was a disgrace. Complete garbage — trash television. A new low.”

Something tells me Creepy Carlson won’t stop trying to stoop lower.

He’s finally getting attention. Fox News has unleashed the jackass he always was.

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