Bonus Chapter: The 16 Commandments of Discussion

A/N: This bonus chapter is based on an event that happened on the RWBY Sub-Reddit. You don't have to know what happened in order to enjoy this chapter. Just know that a user posted 16 (Originally 14) "Ground Rules" in the comments section of their post. In which the usual RWBY Reddit users found hilarious. Now this is not a direct attack on the poster. This is just my way of having fun with the "Ground Rules", or the "16 Commandments of Discussion" as I like to call it. I'm still working on Spongedice, so don't worry. This "Ground Rules" thing was too good to pass up.

We're taking a small detour Salem.

"The hell are you on about?"

Listen, some stuff went down on Reddit, and I wanted to make a chapter based on it.

"What the fuck is Reddit?"

"Online social media to sum it up" Ozpin informed her.

"Wh-why are you making a chapter based on internet foolishness?"

Really? You've sat through 8 chapters of this story, and ask me a question about foolishness?

"Bah! Whatever! Just...just get this over with"

Some Random Forest

A lone figure walked through a misty forest. Stepping on the still present morning dew on grass blades. Light gray clouds were floating across the sky, giving a visible sign that the morning dew was fresh. The lone figure trekking through this forest wasn't some random background character, or a one a shot character. This character was Raven Branwen. The worst mom ever, and possible relative of Raditz from Dragon Ball Z (I mean, just look at that hair!). Now, what could Raven be doing walking through the woods? More importantly, when is this taking place in RWBY's timeline? And is she wearing her Grimm mask? Those are questions a writer would care about if their story wasn't an Abridged Crackfic Parody. But I'll play along, and answer said questions. One, Ms. Branwen was on her way to the tribe that raised her and Qrow. Two, this takes place right after Raven left Taiyang, and Yang. Three, she's not wearing her Grimm mask.

After a few more minutes of walking, Raven made it to a clearing. The clearing had tents of all shapes and sizes, campfires, a few horses, people walking around, and yada yada yada, let's move this chapter along.

"What the-? Raven, is that you?" one of the tribe members shouted over to her.

Raven looked to her right and saw her cousin (For Crackfic reasons I'll have her cousin be Wolverine. Wearing a grey wife-beater, and jeans) Logan walking over to her.

"Ah, hello Logan" Raven greeted with a genuine smile.

"Don't give me that "hello Logan" crap. The hell do you want?" Logan questioned. "You smell like a priest right after service"

"I've come to tell you about the word" the black haired woman answered.

"Oh my G-...you're religious now?"

"What!? Hahahahahahahahahahahaha...no. I'm here to tell to lay some "Ground Rules". The voice in my head told me I could call them the "14 Commandments of Discussion" Raven corrected.

"...What the fuck are you smokin'?" Logan asked in the most deadpanned tone ever.

"I'm not "smokin'" anything. The voice told me to tell my tribe about the "14 Commandments of Discussion" because someone important is going to come give a speech" the totally not crazy woman revealed.

Logan held back a chuckle. "O-okay, how about this? I'll gather everyone in the tribe so they can all hear your..."14 Commandments of Discussion""

"Sounds fine to me"

10 Minutes Later

The tribe had formed a circle of logs around Raven. Men, women, and children of all sorts sat on the logs, waiting for Raven to get on with her "14 Commandments of Discussion".

"Alright Rave" Logan said, sitting down on a log close to the center. "The floor's all yours"

"*Ahem* Fellow tribe members. I have returned to my homeland, well, technically home-tribe, to tell you all about the "14 Commandments of Discussion". Now I know these sudden rules must come as a shock to you. But they're a necessity for our way of life" Raven announced.

Everyone started murmuring to one another, and gave each other confused expressions. There was even one loud "Dafuq?" from the crowd.

"Now before you all start flooding me with questions, let me list out each Commandment" Raditz's possible sister began.

Rule number 1: No complaining about the "14 Commandments".

Rule number 2: No complaining about the speech giver's motivations for making their speech. Or anyone's motivations for anything. Speculating about motives is banned forever.

Rule number 3: No complaining about the speech giver insulting writers after insulting their work, or something about their work.

Rule number 4: No saying "The speech giver complains about the lack of information this season gave us. However, later seasons answered the questions that episode left us with, SO THERE!", because that is the dumbest thing.

Rule number 5: No mentioning Monty Oum. He is awesome.

Rule number 6: No insulting me for telling you this.

Rule number 7: No insulting the speech giver for giving their speech.

Rule number 8: If the speech giver is wrong, you can explain why he's wrong without needing to rage or use insults.

Rule number 9: No complaining about the speech's length. They talk slowly, so just use some sort of fast forward spell or something.

Rule number 10: No mentioning popularity or success.

Rule number 11: No acting like a Steven Universe fangirl.

Rule number 12: You can still like Pumpkin Pete even if this speech exists. I can agree with some of its points and still love the show as a whole. I do.

Rule number 13: I love my daughter, anyone that says otherwise because I "abandoned" her will be silenced.

Rule number 14: Talk with actual comments, not boos. If you boo me too much, I can only respond to questions/comments once every 10 minutes and that makes holding DISCUSSION AND CONVERSATIONS harder.

Everyone including Logan looked at Raven as if she were the craziest person on the planet.

"You must be smokin' that good good shit" someone shouted.

"No I'm not, and we'll review each rule in case anyone has any questions" Raven stated. "So, rule number one?"

"Yeah, how can we not complain about the "14 Commandments of Discussion"? You just waltzed up in here and lay down these rules like you rule over us or some shit, and expect us to follow them without question?" a random dude with a beard pointed out.

"And who the fuck would come all the way out here to give us a damn speech?" Logan added. "...Wait a minute. You're givin' the speech, aren't you?"

"Okay, fine. You guys can complain about the ground rules. But I'm not the one giving the speech!" Raven shot back. "Okay, rule number 2?"

"Why can't we complain about the speech giver's motivations for making their speech? What if their only motivation is to make fun of...wait. What the hell are they giving a speech about?" a woman commented.

"I think I heard something about...Pumpkin Pete?" Logan realized.

"N-no you didn't" Raven stuttered in a lie.

"Yes he did. You said it in rule 12, and I quote, "You can still like Pumpkin Pete even if this speech exists"" a random guy snitched.

"Fuck you random guy!" Raven yelled at him with angry anime eyes.

"My name is Charles" Charles revealed.

"Wait a minute. Did you just admit to abandoning your daughter in rule 13?" Logan took note of.

"I didn't abandon her! I left her with my boyfriend and plan on never seeing her again" Raven explained.

"That sounds like abandonment" someone shouted.

"Hey! I also said anyone who says otherwise will be silenced!" the deranged woman decreed before pulling out her sword.

"Alright Raven, that's enough. I don't know what kinda drugs you're on, but apparently they're too much for you to handle" Logan figured.

"You know what? Because of all your complaining, I'm adding two more Commandments" Raven decided.

Rule Number 15: No complaining about the poster. It never comes up, and doesn't even matter.

Rule Number 16: (Wow, Logan, didn't think I'd need to add this one to the list) No claiming the speech giver is the same person as me. By the twin Gods, there's grasping at straws, then there's what you're doing. DISCUSS THE SPEECH, NOT ME. By the way, you're not invited to any of my Birthday parties. No, disagreeing with your idiotic assumption is not evidence that it's right. Here, let me explain: You're a pedophile, you're a rapist, your parents raped you when you were a kid, and you pirate video games. If you disagree with that statement, you're "Defensive" and that means I'm right. Haha, too bad, your non-logic goes both ways. Now fuck off.

"...What. The hell. Is wrong with you?" Logan questioned in disbelief.

"And what goddamn poster are you talking about?" a random bald headed guy asked.

"This one" Raven replied before pulling out a poster of Velvet wearing a red bikini that left little to the imagination.

"Looks like clickbait" the bald guy responded.

"Nah, this would be clickbait if it was a thumbnail to a video. This is just false advertising" Logan explained.

"Wha- it's a rabbit Faunus on a poster for a speech about Pumpkin Pete! Who is also a rabbit!" Raven rectified.

"Really Raven? If I saw a poster with a half naked bunny girl on it, I would think there's a strip club nearby" a blonde woman exclaimed.

"And why the hell is rule 16 directed at me?" Logan inquired.

"And you just admitted that this speech is about Pumpkin Pete" Charles pointed out.

"Plus, who's Monty Oum in rule 5? I feel like one of his creations" someone shouted.

"And who's Steven Universe in rule 11?" a brunette woman yelled out.

"About rule 10. Does fast forward magic even exist?" a bearded man inquired.

"...You know what? Fuck you guys and your bone spurs! I'm going to another tribe to spread word of the "14 Commandments of Discussion"!" Raven growled, putting her sword away and walking off in a huff.

"Don't you mean the "16 Commandments of Discussion"?" Charles joked.

"Wait, Raven. Here's some Lien" Logan said after he got up and ran over to her. Handing the black haired woman some Lien.

"Why are you giving me this?" Raven asked.

"Because now your "16 Commandments of Discussion" will be forever immortalized in our tribe" Logan said as a golden plaque of Raven's "16 Commandments of Discussion" materialized in his right hand.

Raven's jaw dropped upon seeing this. "How did you-"

"Magic" everyone in the tribe said simultaneously, including Logan.

The child abandoner had no words, and left the tribe quietly. Leaving her tribe to have fun with her "16 Commandments of Discussion".

Done!

"What? What the hell- wh-why? Why did you waste chapter space for this? What was so goddamn funny about these Commandment? How-"

"Salem, the people from Reddit are gonna ask questions about us if we keep talking" Ozpin warned.

"I don't care. I want to know why this chapter was written!"

Because...Crackfic reasons.

"Grrr, you and that goddamned excu-"

The End...of this bonus chapter XD