I don’t remember if I’ve made an Alex Smith comic before. Surely I’ve drawn him at some point. Oh right, this one. It’s kind of hard to believe that in over 4 years and 547 comics I’ve never really made any Alex Smith jokes. Maybe because Alex Smith was a big enough joke for so long I didn’t need to. Hey-oooooooooh

I like Alex Smith. Dude seems like a genuine guy, just trying to make it in this crazy world. He seems like the one member of your friend group who’s always there and helpful, even though he frequently objects to the bad ideas the rest of you drunkards would come up with. He’s the DD. He’s the guy who shows up to jump your car when the battery dies, even though it makes him late for work. Sure, maybe he can be a bit of a buzzkill. Maybe that time you decided to egg Mr. Kristofferson’s house he later went back and told him out of guilt and then your parents found out what you did and you had to mow Mr. Kristofferson’s lawn for the summer. Maybe when you guys hang out in the bar he tells you to stop using sexist language. Maybe Alex Smith is the guy who gets uncomfortable when everyone starts talking about their sexual conquests. Maybe because he doesn’t like to go throw his balls deep. It’s also why he avoids the deep end of the pool.

But he’ll always be there. He was there when Becky left you (that bitch) and you ended up on the dock contemplating jumping off. He was there when your mom died and it tore you up inside. He was there to stop the fight between you and your man Pat when you fought over a girl. Becky. Man, seriously, she was the worst.

Alex Smith is a good man who, despite being the #1 overall pick, was never really appreciated. San Fran didn’t like him and willingly called for David Carr once. They seemed to try to replace him at every opportunity. By the time a good coach came around and made him something it was too late, he was quickly replaced with some bro who wears Beats By Dre and can’t find an open man to save his job from Blaine Gabbert. Alex finally found a home on BBQ Walrus island and I couldn’t be happier for him. I wish him well, even if he can’t throw past 10 yards and is the polar opposite type of player to the Sex Dragon.

Fuck Becky tho.