I’m Not a Fan.

I have a really hard time accepting my body postpartum. In fact, I hate it most of the time. I barely even recognize myself when I look in the mirror. Body image has become an obsession, and it’s not healthy.

Due to my pregnancy, I have stretch marks and a lot of extra skin. One could even say I’ve developed a FUPA (please don’t ask me to define that). My daughter was 9lbs 5oz at 39 weeks, and I gained 67 pounds during my pregnancy. It did a number on my body, to say the least.

After giving birth, I have not been able to bounce back. I have tried many times to lose the “baby weight” to no avail. I have tried intermittent fasting, weight watchers, low carb, portion control, etc. etc. I honestly have no self-control, so that is probably the majority of my problem. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to get back to my pre-pregnancy body, and I feel gross.

The Wrecked Photoshoot.

I recently started a podcast (Wrecked Mamas) with one of my girlfriends. We decided to do a fun photoshoot to promote the podcast and showcase our personalities. It was a blast. Unfortunately, I look at these pictures and see a fat stomach and saggy boobs. I literally cannot look at the picture without going straight to how fat and gross I look (even though that’s kind of the look we were going for since we are “wrecked”). I also look at this photo and see how absolutely gorgeous my cohost is. She had her second baby 6 months after I had my daughter, and she looks fantastic. I hate that I’m so concerned about the way I look, but I can’t seem to shake these post-baby insecurities.

Here’s the thing…I may not have the same body that I did when I was 22. My boobs don’t look great without a bra, and I can’t wear low rise jeans because my muffin top decides to come out to play. Seriously, there is cellulite and flab in places I never even imagined possible. My postpartum body is a saggy oversized shell of the body that I had at 22.

This Body Grew a F-ing Human.

Still, this new body of mine, it’s amazing. This body grew a human being from just sperm and an egg. All these tiger stripes represent each pound my daughter gained in my womb. I birthed a large and in charge, happy, healthy, beautiful, perfect baby girl. That is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, regardless of what I see in the mirror.

I may not love the way that my body looks postpartum, but I love what it represents. It represents an enormous amount of love and commitment to this tiny human that has become my best friend. My body is far from perfect, but it gave me my girl. Any vessel that is capable of producing her is ok by me.

Mamas, give yourselves a break when you look in the mirror. Your body may be different, but it is beautiful in the most amazing way.

Love yourself. Every. Single. Day.

If you want to learn more about me and all my struggles postpartum, check out my book, “Mommy’s Got a Tramp Stamp.“