Quote of the week

Bayern president and paroled €27.2m tax evasion convict Uli Hoeness – upset by China’s top clubs taking an unfair financial advantage. “It’s sick, it’s just sick. I just hope it doesn’t turn out as bad as it looks at the moment.”

• Helping China’s long-term model while their clubs pay Oscar £400k a week, Axel Witsel £85m over five years and Carlos Tevez £1 a second: George Osborne’s 2015 deal to invest £3m of UK public money into Chinese grassroots football. Osborne: “This is just one example of the ways we can work together with China to benefit both our nations – I look forward to seeing the results.”

Best new year message

Gianni Infantino on Fifa “regaining credibility”: “This is a new Fifa, a new era, a transparent organisation. From now on you will know where the money comes from, and where the money goes to.” (£1.15m: amount that goes to Infantino, excluding bonuses, cars, housing, private jet use and £1,542 monthly allowance.)

Meanwhile: also working on new eras

1) Nigeria FA head Amaju Pinnick, facing down disputed government claims of $802,000 unaccounted for in his FA finances. FA officials say ministers are “misinformed about FA activities”; Pinnick: “There’s nothing fishy about it.”

2) Zimbabwe FA head Phillip Chiyangwa – multimillionaire Youtuber AKA Captain Fiasco – on how he won the Council of Southern Africa FAs presidency last month. “I had to apply my master’s technique. President Mugabe taught me that if you apply the scorched earth approach, you won’t go wrong. I used tactics I was taught by the grandmaster Mugabe, and here I am.”

• Chiyangwa’s next ambition: “I’m now the boss of the region. Very soon I will be the boss of the continent. Don’t be surprised when that happens. And I won’t stop there. You know Fifa hasn’t been run by a black person? I have set myself that target.”

• Also on Chiyangwa’s to-do list last week: stopping Zimbabwe’s players striking before the Africa Cup of Nations in a row over money, hotels and facilities after his FA failed to pay a $60 pitch rental fee. “Everything is in order. Everything is better than before.”

Plus: best seeds

2006: Honduras FA head Rafael Callejas launches his grassroots “Sowing Seeds for the Future” project to redistribute football’s wealth. 2017: Banned for life for racketeering.

Manager news: latest moves

• 8 Dec: Swansea chairman Huw Jenkins backs manager Bob Bradley: “The last thing we need at this moment of time is a continual change in manager. We have to make sure, first and foremost, that we have stability.” 27 Dec: Sacks him.

• Spain, 8 Nov: Osasuna president Luis Sabalza hires new coach Joaquin Caparrós “to bring us stability”. 5 Jan: Sacks him because “the time felt right”.

• Spain, 2 Jan: Sacked Castellón coach Frank Castelló gives his farewell press conference in a bar after president David Cruz had security escort him out. “Where’s the dignity? He is, and I say this with no hesitation, the worst president I ever had.”

Saddest exit

South Africa coach Ephraim “Shakes” Mashaba - sacked after an inquiry ruled that last year’s “on-camera tirade” at FA officials and the press was “in violation of communications policy”. In 2015 Mashaba pledged to rise above his critics, just like “Jesus Christ himself. He also went through pains, but he carried on.”

Best marching on

Sept 2016: Southampton’s José Fonte, reacting to reports about him chasing a move. “To make it perfectly clear to everyone that might have some difficulty understanding: I am a Southampton player, and proudly have been since 2010; understand that once I step on the pitch with the Saints shirt and armband I give my blood, sweat and tears for the club and always will no matter what you read or think. My professionalism means everything to me, and no one can point a finger about it … I am fully committed. #wemarchon.” Jan: Requests transfer.

Most festive

Uruguay: Referee Raúl Mariño, drunk in charge of the Boca v Conventos regional final. Mariño, who denied he slapped a player, said his subsequent arrest was unjust. “I confirm I did not have a grip on my faculties … but I hit no one. It’s over for me, though: I say goodbye to this noble activity.” The game ended 1-1; the replay, without Mariño, was abandoned after 12 red cards.

Cracking down

Rwanda’s FA, reacting to footage of Rayon striker Moussa Camara “performing witchcraft” moments before scoring by imposing new bans based on referees’ suspicions. “Since there is no scientific way to prove witchcraft, anything that is deemed to incite witchcraft will be put under consideration.”

Most unsettled

Italy: Naples’ opera scene – uneasy with Diego Maradona appearing in a one-night-only show at the San Carlo opera house with rapper Clementino, with seats costing up to €330. Critics say the show “debases and defiles” the historic venue; organisers say sceptics should lay off. “Diego will offer up his testimony of love and freedom. Expect guests and surprises.”

Most downtrodden

Portugal: Porto’s Danilo – shown a second yellow after referee Luis Godinho jogged backwards and stood on him. “I’ve replayed this a hundred times. I honestly cannot understand how this gentleman made such a decision.”

Plus: most got at

Twitter’s @TheRealMikeDean – US hip hop producer and Kanye West collaborator – facing down his haters: “i’m not a reff”; “wrong mike dean”; “soccer is wack”; and “I AM NOT A SOCCER REFF U LIMEY F***. DO YOUR RESEARCH.”