Quarantine Day 11—

2-ply is but a distant dream. We’re in the endgame now: poop showers.

The average American’s 401k value has sunken below that of my prized Ryan Leaf card collection. And even worse, Belgium has outlawed, “non-essential indoor sexual activity of three people or more.” The horror!

Belgium just banned indoor orgies of three or more people. The jokes on them. All of my orgies take place outdoors. https://t.co/WF2zWSFktJ — Marc Lobliner (@MarcLobliner) March 22, 2020

During these long days of isolation and essential indoor sexual activity, an uncontrollable football fever has taken me over. The only prescription is more NFL action. In my previous News & Notes post I went over the fantasy implications of last week’s early flurry of signings and trades, including the Hopkins and Diggs blockbusters.

Then on Thursday, in a surprise move, Todd Gurley was cut by the Rams. Gurley quickly landed on his feet with a one-year 5 million dollar deal with the Falcons. Atlanta cleared space in the backfield earlier in the week as they moved on from Devonta Freeman, but don’t be surprised if the Falcons spend some early 2020 draft capital on running back insurance for Old Knees Gurley.

Friday brought more fireworks as the Broncos locked Melvin Gordon up on a 2 year, 16 million dollar deal. Not exactly a great fantasy landing spot with Phillip Lindsay solidified in the Denver backfield and Royce Freeman also muddling the picture. The 2019 hold out really backfired on Melvin. According to my research, he forfeited 3.2 million is salary and fines during the holdout. Plus he passed on a multi-year extension offer from the Chargers last summer which was reportedly worth 10+ million per season. It’ll be interesting to see if this discourages future running back holdouts—looking at you Mr. McCaffrey. Anyway, here’s what else I saw for 2020 fantasy football over the last few days:

Phillip Lindsay – Gordon’s arrival puts a damper on Lindsay’s 2020 upside. This backfield has all the makings of a fantasy football headache—insert Percy Harvin joke.

Royce Freeman – Now falls to number three on the Broncos depth chart. Remember when people drafted Freeman over Chubb in 2018 dynasty rookie drafts? Whoops!

Darrell Henderson – Speaking of whoops, I loved Henderson last summer after the Rams traded up to take him in the third round of the 2019 draft. Sean McVay suggested they’d creatively utilize the kid in his rookie season. McVay is a liar! Hendy saw a sad total of 39 carries and 6 targets in 13 games last year. I’m cautiously optimistic that the Gurley move is a vote of confidence in Henderson, but Malcolm Brown still lingers for at least one more season. Also a chance the Rams spend another draft pick on backfield help if they haven’t been thrilled with Henderson’s progress.

Devin Singletary – Prior to his Broncos signing, the rumor mill suggested the Bills were interested in Melvin Gordon. This would align with the theory I laid out in my Devin Singletary Dynasty Outlook that Singletary is currently overvalued by the fantasy world (early best ball ADP is #48 overall) because he’ll ultimately end up as a committee back. The again, the rumor mill also suggested the flu was worse than COVID-19.

Gardner Minshew – With Foles out of the way, Minshew Mania is set for it’s second wind in 2020. The main beneficiary here, other than all fans, is D.J. Chark who showed great chemistry with Uncle Rico in 2019.

Eric Ebron – Gets 2 years, 12 million from the Steelers; sure glad my Bears gave Jimmy Graham 2 years, 16 mill *sarcasm.* I was looking at Vance McDonald as a decent late round buy-low target with Big Ben on the mend, but not so interested now.

Ben Roethlisberger – Speaking of Big Ben on the mend, word is he’s now throwing without pain. Also, his beard is worth at least 20 fantasy points:

Nick Foles – Traded to Da Bears for a 4th round draft pick. Da Mitch is now feeling da heat. Ryan Pace follows the Bill O’Brien model of one decent move for every two terrible moves.

Jerick McKinnon – In another surprise move, McKinnon will return to San Fran on a now restructured/reduced contract. I gave you my Raheem Mostert Dynasty Outlook a few weeks back. In short, steer clear of all people and the overcrowded 49ers backfield in 2020.

Odell Beckham Jr. – He’s reportedly on the trade block after a disappointing, injury slowed debut season in Cleveland. Sounds like there’s a real chance OBJ is on the move this offseason and there were rumors late last year that Beckham wanted out of Ohio. Odell’s departure would have me shying away from Jarvis Landry with the increased defensive attention he’d be set to receive in 2020.

Robby Anderson – There’s reportedly been “radio silence,” from the league in terms of offers being made to Anderson’s camp. Maybe his people should try using a telephone instead of a radio.

Emmanuel Sanders – Signed with the Saints on a 2 year, 16 million dollar deal. Hard to imagine a better landing spot for Manny Fresh. He’s been going off the board at pick 148 in early best ball drafts. Get ready for his price to to sky rocket, toilet paper style.

Nelson Agholor – Signed a one year deal with the Raiders. Not great news for the Hunter Renfrow truthers. But maybe Agholor’s presence opens up the field a little more for my man Darren Waller. A donkey can dream.

Laquon Treadwell – The Vikings former first rounder lands in Atlanta on a one-year deal as Todd Gurley’s knee masseuse.

Jameis Winston – Not expected to sign with the Patriots. I read Andy Dalton is not in New England’s immediate plans either. Finally Jameis Winston, Andy Dalton and Donkey Teeth have something in common.

Josh Gordon – Currently serving his 6th suspension since 2013, Gordon intends to play in 2020. Alright, I’m not falling for this again! *adds Josh Gordon to best ball queue*