BELLENDS across the UK have been urged to not use their vote.

Thousands of complete bellends are planning to vote for stupid reasons such as what someone in a chip shop told them or something that happened to them in a dream.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “There’s a lot of emphasis put on ‘using your vote’. But if you are a bellend, you should not vote. You will only do it wrong.”

However shopkeeper and bellend Roy Hobbs said: “If we don’t vote for May we’ll have the entire Third World living here. That’s not just my opinion, it was on the local radio phone-in Big Chat with Mikey Dee.”

Office bellend Wayne Hayes said: “I might vote for the local joke candidate, Barmy Baron Bumface from the Free Doner Kebabs Party, because that is unbelievably hilarious.”

Nurse Nikki Hollis said: “I went to loads of trouble reading fact-checking websites and articles in The Economist, only to discover my neighbour is basing her vote on ‘asteroids’.

“She says none of the main parties are prepared for a giant asteroid hitting the earth so she’s voting Green.”