Mayor Bill de Blasio wants to replace Rikers Island with borough-based jails that look like new-age retreats, complete with “comfortable furniture,” “calming acoustics” and “soothing colors.”

Splash on some bright paint and offer inmates “pleasant views” of park-like surroundings, the mayor urges in a new website outlining his jails plan and describing alluring new lockups that even federal penitentiary alum Martha Stewart might endorse.

“Jails should symbolize rehabilitation and positive change through vibrant colors, pleasant views, green spaces, and comfortable furniture,” reads a passage on the site dedicated to closing the notorious city jail.

The site features photos of airy, pastel-hued interiors that call to mind Architectural Digest more than Department of Correction.

It’s part of the mayor’s rollout of his initiative Smaller, Safer, Fairer: A Roadmap to Closing Rikers Island.

The plan calls for $100 million for a DOC training academy and $30 million in spending to shrink the jail population by 25 percent, to 7,000, over the next five years.

“The way jail environments are structured — with attention to light, space, sound and feel — shapes the behavior, safety and well-being of those who work and are incarcerated inside,” reads a section on the site with the headline “Design matters.”

“Given that 40 percent of the New York City jail population has a diagnosed mental-health condition . . . design should focus on maximizing natural light, breathable spaces, calming acoustics and soothing colors.”

Accompanying the text are photos of the Las Colinas Detention and Re-entry Facility, a new $268 million women’s prison in San Diego County featuring floor-to-ceiling windows, comfy lime-green chairs and giant artwork depicting beaches and desert landscapes.

The decor tips had Correction officials rolling their eyes.

“We’re dealing with 47,000 recidivists a year,” noted Elias Husamudeen, president of the Correction Officers’ Benevolent Association.

“Is it going to make a difference if the color of the room is blue?”

Still, any city crook looking forward to a jail with “soothing colors” may have a long wait.

In an appearance on WNYC Thursday, de Blasio punted all responsibility for securing locations for his “calming” Rikers-replacement jails to City Council members, whom he urges to accept a facility in their districts.

“We can’t get off Rikers unless there are specific places where the local [council] leadership accepts a jail facility,” de Blasio told WNYC host Brian Lehrer.

Councilman Rory Lancman called that a pipe dream and an abdication of leadership.

“That’s absolutely absurd and completely disingenuous,” the Queens Democrat said.

“It’s the administration’s job to decide what is the most appropriate location for a homeless shelter or a school or a public hospital or a jail.”

Additional reporting by Yoav Gonen