Bellelou Sun 04-Aug-19 20:40:25

A little delicate this, but please bare with me.

I’m just wondering if my expectations of an active sex life are too high because of my past?

I was married for 25 years before my marriage ended. I was never really that ‘into sex’ with my XH, I just presumed I had a low sex drive. Fast forward a few years and I’m now in my mid fifties. I’ve been with my current DP for about 4 years. In the beginning the love making was frequent and great and I felt for the first time in my life I enjoyed sex and wanted it often!

As the years have gone on, it’s obviously slowed down a bit, but now it’s almost ground to a halt!

we don’t live together, although we do have plans to do so in the next year or so. We usually see each other 3-4 times a week either staying at his or mine. Just recently it’s always me who initiates love making and often when I start to get ‘romantic’ he clearly isn’t interested!

Having come from a marriage where we were sexually incompatible and I often felt like I was being ‘pestered’ for sex, I am acutely aware that I don’t want to come across like that to my DP. So it’s not like I’m jumping him at every opportunity!

This morning again he just wasn’t interested and the last time we made love was 3 weeks ago. I tried to talk to him about it, I wondered if it was because I’d put on a bit of weight, I’m not talking about loads of weight but I am self conscious about my weight!

He shut the conversation right down, of course it wasn’t my weight, there wasn’t anyone else and but basically sex isn’t /shouldn’t be such an important issue! and then he refused to discuss it further and I almost felt like I was wrong to want that closeness. I am beginning to wonder if he is the one with the problem? He works long hours and is often tired, but we’d had a nice relaxing weekend together and in the last three weeks since we’ve not made love, we’ve had two short breaks away which were relaxing too?

I almost feel cheated that having found my love that we’ve missed the boat as far as having an active love life.

I wouldn’t consider breaking up with him over this but I’m just wondering now if in my mid fifties I’m a bit abnormal and trying to recapture my lost youth,20s, 30s and 40s and should I just accept that people in their 50s don’t make love that often?

I’m quite naive having only ever slept with my XH before my current partner. Do any of you older mumsnetters have any advice for me?