The article that follows will be as terse and cohesive as the title.





















So how does one write the perfect article? How does one create something that encompasses everything? How does one become a consummate individual? Well, to find an answer to these questions I studied the only way I knew: watching old WWF tapes of Curt Hennig, also known as “Mr. Perfect.”





Not sure if the hair is perfect...









But really, the word perfect may be misleading and nebulous. We could sit here and argue back and forth like some crazed, sex-deprived philosophers upon soapboxes about whether perfection is even possible. I mean, does its diametric opposite exist? Is there anything extant which is the embodiment of failure? Okay, enough; stop yelling names of friends, family members, politicians, athletes, etc. at the computer screen. That isn’t my point.





What this examination is derived from is a combination of my personal artistic aspirations and a casual vivisection of history. My Beastio Theorio co-creator and I were discussing the various polymaths of the past. The list includes people like Leonardo da Vinci, Goethe, Theodore Roosevelt, Benjamin Franklin, Aristotle, and so on. I mean just take a quick peak at da Vinci’s resume: painter, sculptor, architect, musician, scientist, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, geologist, cartographer, botanist, and writer. That’s sheer absurdity. The conversation consisted of us questioning where modern-day polymaths were. Why has there been such a sudden extinction of versatile men? Yes, yes, I know; the amount of knowledge available then and now is like comparing the amount of women you bedded to the amount of women Genghis Khan bedded. (On a technical note, I don’t think many of his beddings were consensual. I also believe a prickly bush beside a burning village is a more likely setting than a bed.)





Even his retarded bird fucked more women than you.









But despite this fact, is there even a desire in modern man to strive for such consummation? Are most not content with the standard of being a man of one single aspect of life? Most of us decide in perfunctory casualness that we will be an accountant or a teacher of archaeology or an owner of a restaurant or a computer programmer. And then we hope to be able perform our job average enough so that we go unbothered and undetected long enough to eat, fuck, watch television until we have to be escorted out. From here on, the conversation led to vitriolic comments regarding job market saturation, over-population, apprenticeships, and eugenics. Those comments shall be reserved for a potential future work.





Gotta' love sterilization by coercion.









Now we move on to my personal ideologies and aspirations. I began the article with a reference to Curt Hennig, Mr. Perfect. The truth is that he really was one of my favorite wrestlers growing up. His wrestling schtick was that he was “absolutely perfect.” I mean, the man could throw a football 100 yards and be on the receiving end of the catch! He could bowl a perfect game! He could sink half court three pointers, throw a perfect horseshoe, perform the perfect high dive! The man was perfect and I was fascinated. But, opposed to my opinion, he was perceived as an absolute heel; the “bad guy” per say. But what is so irksome and detestable to the people about a perfect being? See you’ve got to understand that this was not just man of great hubris and gall claiming he was perfect. Because WWF wrestling is entertainment and not based in reality, the CHARACTER of Mr. Perfect was indeed inarguably perfect. Is the pursuit of perfection doomed to revilement by society? Is it doomed to intrinsic failure? We’ll explore that a little later on.





Now back to myself, a topic I would prefer to discuss at all times. I’ll make this match.com biography frank and succinct. I don’t buy into all this bullshit. I don’t buy any tradition, religion, politics, or universal code of any kind. There is no single ideology or occupation or manner of classification I could subscribe to and be content. There is no SINGLE thing in life I would like to become. The only pursuit that keeps me here and awake and toiling and functioning is the pursuit to create something consummate. Do I mean to make myself consummate? Well I don’t deal with matters of self; it becomes real messy. I can only comprehend this whole pursuit when allocating the responsibility into CREATIONS and a CHARACTER. I don’t want anyone to look at me and say “He is smart” or “He is strong” or “He is funny” or “He is entertaining.” I don’t want any single adjective.





Beastio Theorio. We present this as the modern vanguard for the combination of strength, science, and everything that falls in between. EVERYTHING. Outside of this blog, in my literary ventures, I have attempted to capture this all-encompassing style. I strive to create literary pieces which rifle through the audience’s emotions like a rolodex. It’s a complex style that often flirts with failure, turgidity, incongruity, esotericism, exasperation, and quite simply, a poor product. When success means perfection, you better be accepting of a high failure rate. I have recently learned to keep things from being so prolix and fecund. Here’s a piece produced in my days as an impetuous and fiery youth: How is this obsession of mine progressing? Well, here before you, you see one of methods in which it has manifested itself:We present this as the modern vanguard for the combination of strength, science, and everything that falls in between. EVERYTHING. Outside of this blog, in my literary ventures, I have attempted to capture this all-encompassing style. I strive to create literary pieces which rifle through the audience’s emotions like a rolodex. It’s a complex style that often flirts with failure, turgidity, incongruity, esotericism, exasperation, and quite simply, a poor product. When success means perfection, you better be accepting of a high failure rate. I have recently learned to keep things from being so prolix and fecund. Here’s a piece produced in my days as an impetuous and fiery youth:





roosters and cats





the men and women do it as perfunctory

as blowing the nose during a cold

or

mowing overgrown grass.





the boys and girls do it like the crimes

of Capone,

like pagans setting the Church aflame,

like the betrayal of Benedict.





the eunuchs do not do it.

nor do they think of it.

it would be like the Great Oak

contemplating death

or Summer

or Cadillacs.





I do it like the boys, like the men,

like the Great Oak;

I do it drunken, self-

aware,

brown-eyed, red-eyed

Camus in breast pocket,

an adagio of human movements

a drawer full of knives,

the soprano's lilt

the thud of thunder crumbling,

a fog fading a dog aging,

bodies the work of Monet or Renoir

bodies as significant as the roll of a die,

words of Valentino deaths of Dillinger

like Lorca's poesy like Lorca's bullet,

Beethoven's canorous deafness

van Gogh's ear crawling with ants and rouge,

a son of Gautama blazing

the witches of Salem blazing,

like a matador beneath Pamplona sun

like a broken washing machine,

words of revolution words fizzling and failing

like a tiger in the rain---

shimmering dull guttural beautiful

like the cleaver of a chef

like the tip of a lit matchstick

like you, like me

sometimes Wordsworth,

Wordsworth,

sometimes Baudelaire,







Baudelaire…

but sadly, tonight,

as the pages so frankly

prove,

I do it like the eunuchs.





What a fucking helter-skelter jambalaya rant of an over-educated teen with a pen and pad. So what? Can any artistic expression be a microcosm of the universe? I don’t know if there’s a definite answer to that but there have been several attempts. What I will offer now are a few examples of completeness and self-fulfillment spread across mediums.





Ulysess , a novel by James Joyce

















As a bibliophile since the age of 14, no book has captivated me, educated me, affected me quite like Ulysses. My respect and adoration for this novel may be ineffable. I am not here to summarize plot of this near 1,000 page epic. As succinctly as possible, Ulysses is the documentation of June 16, 1904 in Dublin, Ireland; a day in which Leopold Bloom must find a son and Stephen Daedalus must find a father.

Ulysses, is the Latinized name of Homer’s epic, the Odyssey. Joyce, with much bravado and hubris, immediately places his work amongst one of the most well-known narrative poems in history. Throughout the novel, Joyce further elucidates his self-assumed place in literary history with plot lines regarding William Shakespeare, the Bible, W.B. Yeats, and other lofty topics. Also, the reason Joyce used Odysseus as an archetype was because he believed Odysseus to be the consummate man; Odysseus was father to Telemachus, husband to Penelope, son to Laertes and Anticlea, King of Ithaca, lover to Calypso. What I appreciate most about this novel is the massive pair of balls on James Joyce. He does not beat around the bush; Joyce overtly lets it be known that his only intention is to create the greatest and most complete novel ever penned. The title,, is the Latinized name of Homer’s epic, the. Joyce, with much bravado and hubris, immediately places his work amongst one of the most well-known narrative poems in history. Throughout the novel, Joyce further elucidates his self-assumed place in literary history with plot lines regarding William Shakespeare, the Bible, W.B. Yeats, and other lofty topics. Also, the reason Joyce used Odysseus as an archetype was because he believed Odysseus to be the consummate man; Odysseus was father to Telemachus, husband to Penelope, son to Laertes and Anticlea, King of Ithaca, lover to Calypso.





Odysseus about to tap some Calypso ass as a voyeuristic cherub watches.









Ulysses? The subjects discussed include Theology, History, Philology, Economics, Religion, Botany, Literature, Architecture, Music, Rhetoric, Mechanics, Politics, Painting, Medicine, Magic, and many more. And each subject is not simply briefly grazed like you seeing a voluminous ass on the bus beside you; it is presented and manipulated with a genius’ volition. How complex and surfeited is? The subjects discussed include Theology, History, Philology, Economics, Religion, Botany, Literature, Architecture, Music, Rhetoric, Mechanics, Politics, Painting, Medicine, Magic, and many more. And each subject is not simply briefly grazed like you seeing a voluminous ass on the bus beside you; it is presented and manipulated with a genius’ volition.





Ulysses in the public eye? Well, outrage of course. The novel was taken to the Supreme Court and banned from publication. So what was the fate ofin the public eye? Well, outrage of course. The novel was taken to the Supreme Court and banned from publication.





Synecdoche, New York , a film by Charlie Kaufman

















When I first saw this film, lying in bed at 2 in the morning, utterly inundated by the ineluctable force of absurdity and profundity which had hit me, the first thought which occurred to me was, “This is the Ulysses of film.”





Synecdoche, New York is that not only do I believe that it is a film that encompasses nearly all aspects of human life; simultaneously, the plot of the film is about a theater director, Caden Cotard, attempting to create an artistic piece that encompasses nearly every aspect of human life. What is interesting aboutis that not only do I believe that it is a film that encompasses nearly all aspects of human life; simultaneously, the plot of the film is about a theater director, Caden Cotard, attempting to create an artistic piece that encompasses nearly every aspect of human life.





I’ll tell you, Caden’s vision reminded me so much of my own. What is the fate of Caden and his vision? Well, he toils on for years and years, into his old age, the piece grows more muddled and tangential and dissonant, until finally Caden passes of old age, without ever even deciding upon a title for his work.





Awesome.





Synecdoche, New York offers comedy, drama, a love story, wisdom, sex, art, and anything else you may want to see. I’ve seen it over ten times and I still discover something new with every watch. But in all seriousness, as a film,offers comedy, drama, a love story, wisdom, sex, art, and anything else you may want to see. I’ve seen it over ten times and I still discover something new with every watch.





th President of the United States Theodore Roosevelt, 26President of the United States









"Hey, Teddy; pose for a picture!"









I know I said that many polymaths of the past were simply part of an epoch where if a few stars aligned, you could be a polymath. So to use as my example of a consummate human being, I’ll go back only as far as the early to mid-1900’s.





rd degree brown belt in Judo. He regularly sparred with Heavyweight boxers, ceasing only when his retina was detached and he went blind in one eye. He read at least one entire book every day. He was an author, historian, cataloguer, hunter, explorer, cosmopolitan. In social settings, he was known to be a comedian, an avid debater, and a veritable fountain of knowledge. Theodore Roosevelt: 6’0”, 200 lbs of mustache, steel, and badass appeal. I’m not one for politics; I think it’s a goddamn cesspool of inefficiency, corruption, and deceit. Honestly, from many of the quotes I’ve read from Teddy in regards to government, he wasn’t a firm believer in the legitimacy of the system either. You want to know Roosevelt’s political achievements? Well, he was a recipient of the Noble Peace Prize, passed important Drug and Food acts, began work on the Panama Canal, was a master of foreign trade and policy, created several National Parks and Animal Reserves. That’s all fine and dandy. What fascinates me most is that along with being leader of the United States are his extracurricular accomplishments. Roosevelt was a 3degree brown belt in Judo. He regularly sparred with Heavyweight boxers, ceasing only when his retina was detached and he went blind in one eye. He read at least one entire book every day. He was an author, historian, cataloguer, hunter, explorer, cosmopolitan. In social settings, he was known to be a comedian, an avid debater, and a veritable fountain of knowledge.





In short, ol’ Teddy probably has a lot more to offer than you do.





So what of all this? Is the concept of “perfection” in art and self possible? I don’t know. What I do know is that the pursuit of perfection is very possible. And if more people took it upon themselves to attempt to be as accomplished, well-rounded, and fulfilled as they could be, I can only see the overall worldly impact being positive. This article most likely was not the perfect article. But in its attempt, hopefully it educated or entertained you. And that’s all I could have hoped for.











