The Making of Bell Biv Devoe’s “Do Me!”

A probably fictional one-act play

After several hit albums with New Edition, three men (Ricky Bell, Michael Bivins and Ronnie Devoe) pooled their creative efforts to form an ambitious side project known as Bell Biv Devoe. Amongst the most popular figures of the “New Jack Swing” era, Bell Biv Devoe (or BBD, as the group is commonly known) has gone on to sell over 4 million albums thus far.

What follows is a 100% accurate depiction of what I assume took place while the three met to compose their hit single “Do Me!"

March 21, 1989. Boston, Massachusetts.

Biv

I hereby call this meeting to order. Now, before we get started, I’d just like to thank Ronnie for bringing these delicious cookies.

Bell

Fantastic cookies, Ronnie.

Devoe

Oh, no problem at all, just a little Devoe family recipe.

Biv

Well they’re to die for. Anywho, let’s get this meeting started, shall we? Any old business?

(Ricky raises his hand)

Biv

Ricky?

Bell

Well, it’s “Poison.” I mean, I hate to halt our momentum here, and I really like the progress we’re making, but, it’s just…I mean, never trust a big butt and a smile?

Biv

I’m not sure I follow you.

Bell

Well, it’s just awfully dismissive, is all. How can we justify the conclusion that these women are, by nature, less trustworthy than their flat-assed counterparts? It seems as though we’re putting them at an immediate disadvantage in society.

Biv

Certainly a valid point, Ricky, but I fear you may be taking that slogan a bit too seriously. It’s not a job interview. You’re not buying a car from her. It’s just a cautionary piece of advice.

Bell

I suppose we could specify, “Be careful around a big butt and a smile,” or what have you?

Devoe

That would be more accurate, but at what cost? It certainly doesn’t seem as catchy.

Devoe

No, not at all. Simply put, this is a classic example of hyperbole taken a bit too literally.

Bell

Agreed. Gents, consider my objection withdrawn.

Biv

And that’s what I love about this venture: the freedom for all voices to be heard. Well then, let’s move on to new business. I love where we’re going with this “Do Me” song. The title’s short, memorable, I really feel good about-

Devoe

Michael, if I may?

Biv

By all means.

Devoe

I was wondering, when the song goes to press, can we put an exclamation point at the end of the title?

Biv

You mean, like, "Do ME!?"

Devoe

Exactly.

Bell

This is just my first impression, but I’m concerned that there’s a high risk for misinterpretation there.

Devoe

Really? How so?

Bell

Well, do you mean “Do ME!” as in, “Do me as opposed to doing someone else,” or “Do Me!” as in, “Do me or I’ll kill you?”

Biv

I see what you’re saying, Ricky: The point of emphasis changes everything. Which brings me to my concern: the exclamation certainly comes off a bit, well…

Devoe

What?

Biv

Well, a bit non-consensual.

Devoe

I don’t see that at all.

Bell

Guys, I think we’re getting away from the message of this song. Let’s move on to the lyrics, and address the title later.

Devoe

Fine. Mike, did you finish your verse?

Biv

I did. (puts on his reading glasses, clears his throat, and reads from his notebook) “Girl let your hair down. Take off your clothes, and leave on your shoes. Would you mind if I look at you for a moment, before I make sweet love?”

Bell

That’s fantastic. Ronnie, did you finish your part?

Devoe

Sure did! I finished this up while I was baking the cookies. Here goes:

“Backstage, underage, adolescent. How you doing? Fine, sugar pie, I like to do the wild thing. Action took place, Kinda wet” –

Biv

Wow. Listen, I’m going to stop you right there. Backstage, underage? Adolescent?

Bell

I thought we were going with more of a sensual theme.

Devoe

Well, at least let me finish.

Biv

Fine.

Devoe

Don’t forget the J, the I, the M, the M, the Y, I need a body bag!

(The room is silent. Biv releases a deep sigh. Bell begins pacing and staring at the ceiling.)

Biv

Well, don’t get me wrong. I appreciate, and I think we both appreciate, that you’ve taken a clear stance in favor of safe sex practices.

Bell

Absolutely. Kudos, Ronnie.

Devoe

Thank you.

Biv

Sure. It’s just that, does it have to be with an adolescent? I’m a bit concerned about alienating some of our key demographics.

Devoe

Really? Such as whom?

Biv

Well, decent people, people with morals …

Bell

Pretty much all non-pedophiles, really.

Devoe

Ouch. Et tu, Ricky?

Bell

Sorry, but it’s true.

Devoe

Well great: once again it’s everyone against me.

Bell

It’s not like that–

Devoe

Oh but it certainly is. And I knew this was coming, too. Why is it that when we were with New Edition, it was “RONNIE, Bobby, Ricky, Mike” and now we’re Bell, Biv DEVOE? I’m being pushed to the back, both literally and figuratively.

Biv

Ricky, I just thought our names sounded best in that order.

Devoe

Oh, YOU did? YOU did? I’m sorry; I thought this was a democracy. But we all know what Plato said: tyranny naturally arises out of democracy.

Biv

Well of course, but remember he also said it dispenses a sort of equality to equals and unequals alike.

Devoe

Sir! How dare you!

Bell

Michael Lamont Bivins!

(The room falls silent once more; the tension has grown to an almost palpable degree.)

Biv

Ronald, I owe you an apology. My temper briefly got the best of me. You are a valued friend and member of this group.

Devoe

Thank you Michael, I appreciate that. I suppose I, too, spoke a bit out of turn.

(The two shake hands.)

Devoe

Cooler heads having prevailed, allow me to make a proposal: If we leave my lines intact, and put the exclamation point in the title, I will bring more cookies to next week’s meeting. If we change the lines, no more cookies.

Bell

I say we keep the lines.

Biv

I’ll agree to keep the lines, but I would like to go on record as saying that these lyrics, especially when coupled with your new “bribery with cookies” strategy, really raise an abundance of red flags.

Devoe

Duly noted.

(Ricky opens a bottle of champagne and pours three glasses.)

Bell

And on that note, I think we’ve completed our second single! (Raises glass) I propose a toast: to Bell Biv Devoe!

Biv

(Raises glass)

Bell Biv Devoe!

Devoe

(Raises glass)

Devoe Bell Biv?

Bell & Biv

Oh, Ronnie!

(Ronnie shrugs as they all share a hearty laugh.)

-Fin-