As anyone this side of the Hall of Justice will tell you, the first sign of megavillainy is declaring that everyone else in the world is wrong and you're right. We've found seven people with the ego, the balls and the terrifying machinery to shout, "Everyone in the world was boning wrong before I came along!"

7 The Transparent Crotch

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Patent # US 20060264856A1

This looks understandable, though tragic.

Hey guys, how many times has this happened to you? You're having sex with a real woman, and you can't see what's going on inside her v-hole? THAT'S THE WORST, RIGHT? It sure was to Ken E. Wong, and he decided to do something about it. By inventing a transparent cock sock.

Now at first, this just appears to be a Fleshlight, the tube-shaped masturbation aid some of you may own at this very moment. He describes it as a "liquid-filled sheath" for "human males who, for whatever reason, desire to experience the simulated sensations of sexual intercourse without the benefit of a female partner." We particularly like the "for whatever reason," as though there are any number of not-sad explanations you'd own one of these, and not just "lack of willing female partner and /or excess of restraining orders."



"With my busy schedule of masturbating and crying while masturbating, I haven't had time to meet Mrs. Right."

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But the real crazy hits the fan when this player spent hundreds of words complaining about how every other vaginal replacement product hid his glorious penis from him during intercourse. As if seeing his penis in action was the whole point of sex altogether. That's why he built this: Unless he hooks up with one of the aliens from The Abyss or Sue Storm, he's completely given up on finding his perfect woman. Because their stupid vaginas keeping hiding his glorious manhood.