The Observer’s use of language should be clear, contemporary and consistent, reflecting what we stand for and according respect to those we write about. Those simple ideals are spelt out in our style book, a constantly updated journalists’ guide to the effective use of English. More than merely a checklist, it charts society’s ever-changing lexicon, which in itself is a reflection of our subtly shifting social attitudes, not least around the subject of gender.

Outdated, patronising expressions such as career girl or career woman have long been outlawed by the guide. We use firefighter, not fireman; PC, not WPC; postal workers, not postmen, and so on. We avoid terms such as businessmen, housewives, male nurse, woman driver, woman doctor etc, which reinforce outdated stereotypes. If you need to use an adjective, we say, use female and not “woman” in such phrases as female bishops, female MPs, female presidents.

Use humankind or humanity rather than mankind, says the guide, quoting a reader who pointed out the word “alienates half the population from their own history”.

But what about those who do not identify as either male or female – those who describe themselves as non-binary? Trans Media Watch, which dedicates itself to improving the coverage of trans and intersex issues, notes that as an increasing number of non-binary people choose to live their lives openly and push for official recognition, their stories are becoming visible in the media.

But do journalists really understand how to write sensitively on this subject? Clearly not, as TMW felt it necessary to produce a guide for the media, some of which we would do well to incorporate into our style book.

Here are some points from their guide. Non-binary people may feel that they embody elements of traditional gender identities, that they are somewhere in between or that they are something different. Many identify as transgender.

Most non-binary people are born with bodies that look conventionally male or female, but grow up feeling different. Like most people, they usually develop a sense of gender between the ages of three and seven. They may not describe themselves as different until a lot later because they don’t have the words with which to do so, and because there are very few visible non-binary role models.

Being non-binary has nothing to do with sexual orientation. Non-binary people have the same range of preferences as other people.

Some non-binary people choose to have surgery or take hormones to alter their bodies and help them feel more comfortable. Others don’t feel that this could help them or are satisfied with their bodies as they are. Some present themselves androgynously while others look conventionally male or female but may still “come out” by discussing their identities openly. Many try to blend in because they don’t want to risk rejection.

Non-binary people use a range of different terms to describe themselves (intergender, genderqueer, gender fluid, agender, androgyne, neutrois) but most accept the neutral term non-binary as default.

Most non-binary people do not feel it is appropriate for people to refer to them as he or she. Various new pronouns have been proposed, including xie and xir, zie and zir and sie and hir. Where using a subject’s preferred pronoun is not possible, TMW recommends using the singular they. (Reading around the subject I see that in January, members of the 127-year-old American Dialect Society anointed the singular they 2015 Word of the Year.)

A TMW survey in 2014 showed that 80% of non-binary people felt that media coverage about them was bad or very bad, with 74% maintaining that this was a subject the media knew nothing about. “Allow us to exist in stories and media; don’t sensationalise the fact we are non-binary,” said one person in the survey. Another added: “It would be a massive step forward to see mention of non-binary people in the mainstream media without their gender being the sole focus of the coverage.”

And we should reflect on the remark of one person quoted in the TMW survey: “Show us as ‘real’ people, with the same dignity and respect as binary gender people. Show that our non-binary identity is just as valid as binary gender identities; we aren’t just uncertain, indecisive or attention-seeking.”

observer.reader@observer.co.uk