IX. Roots

Hana’s uncle in Zaz did not give up, he continued to send Besse to the village of Kfarze with the hope of persuading Hana to follow her. Besse continued her secret persuasion attempts with Hana again and again without success. Hana was adamant. She knew nothing else, she remembered nothing of her mother Sara or her other relatives. All she remembered was growing up with her mother Zeyneb and her family in the village of Kfarze. How would she abandon it, a poor little girl, and why, she was not even convinced, yet.

But the Christian children continued to tease Hana. Not a day went by without them taunting her by pointing out that Zeyneb was not her mother. They called her an apostate because she would rather be a Muslim than a Christian. But she continued to tirelessly stand up for herself:

“Zeyneb is my mother, and that’s that! And one day I will marry my brother Ali, my mother has said so,” she shouted to the stiff-necked Christian children.

It was then, when she had said this, that one of the children answered:

“You see, if you had been her real daughter, she would have never been able to come up with such a sinful suggestion. Have you ever heard that a brother marries his own sister?”

At that moment everything went black for Hana, it was as if the mountain had opened its mouth and swallowed her way into the dark depth.

“It’s true, so true,” she thought, remembering how often her mother Zeyneb had expressed that Hana would one day stand as a bride at Ali’s side.

“A few more years, Rihane, a few more years, then it’s time, then you’ll be ready for Ali.”

Just think of how many times these words had been said to her by her own mother without her thinking about it. Everyone ought to know that a sister can’t marry her own brother, the shame, a mortal sin. That I never thought about it, Hana pondered.

So it’s true, Zeyneb can’t be my mother, impossible.

A void had been created in Hana, an empty space where the questions echoed inside of her.

Who am I? Who are my mother and father? Who are my siblings and what are they like? What’s it like to be a Christian?

The questions went round and round in her head and she was mostly spiritually absent somewhere, warring with her questions that received no answers. Everything felt so melancholy, to suddenly realize that everything you were suddenly you were not. However, one thing was clear to her, Zeyneb was not her mother and thus not her real family. Zeyneb had certainly been a good mother to her, but realizing that you have your roots elsewhere, that you have a real family somewhere else of the same flesh and blood, created a feeling of emptiness that was indescribable. I need to know, or else I will die of curiosity, Hana thought, who at that moment also decided to go with Besse.

Zeyneb, however, suspected mischief. Hana had not been herself lately. She had been quiet and absorbed in her own thoughts in recent times, which was unlike the girl who loved to be on the go and keep everyone else going.

“What is it, my child?” Zeyneb had asked several times.

Hana had then absentmindedly replied: “Nothing.”

Besse and Hana had one day decided to escape when Hana was herding the cows. Besse would wait for her at the vineyards along the road leading away from the village. Hana was noticeably nervous and gloomy this morning. She felt very ambivalent for a moment and without thinking twice she filled her packed lunch to the limit as well as the large water pot with fresh water. You used to bring that pot with you only when you would be away for some time in the mountains.

“Are you going away somewhere, girl?” she heard Zeyneb ask.

Hana sort of woke up from a dream and saw to her amazement what she was unconsciously doing. She turned completely pale and for the first time she was afraid of Zeyneb. She could not utter a word. She bowed her head and looked at the red earth without saying anything.

“In with you, you’re going nowhere today, the cows will do all right,” Zeyneb ordered suspiciously. And the first escape attempt of Hana failed and from that day she was not allowed to herd again, neither the cows nor the sheep.

Zeyneb kept Hana under tight surveillance. She was no longer allowed to accompany the other children of the same age to the mountains, nor play or be with the other children in the village where Zeyneb could not keep her in sight. She was no longer allowed to talk to the Christian villagers either.

Besse and the other Christians in the village realized that Zeyneb had begun to suspect something, which in itself meant that any further escape attempts for Hana could be long.

“I have to go back to Zaz,” Besse said to Iskender of the Havaca family. “I can’t stay here forever and we don’t know when Zeyneb will let go of Hana, but in the name of God, you have to help the girl,” she appealed.

“Go home to your children,” Iskender replied. “We’ll take care of the girl. We’ll bring her to her father’s house, don’t worry, Besse. When the opportunity arises, we’ll take the girl to the village of Iwardo, then you’ll have to handle the rest,” Iskender finished.

Iskender had instructed some children to watch Hana and when the opportunity arose, they would leave a message for her. The message read that when Hana felt ready and was able to escape from Zeyneb, she would get to Touma’s house. Then Touma would be responsible for the rest.

It was a long time before the message could be conveyed to Hana, but it finally arrived and for the first time in a long time a hope once again lit inside of her. She suddenly felt happy and hopeful and thought to herself that because she felt that way, it must mean that she was thinking right when she wanted to leave Zeyneb.

One evening, when Zeyneb was busy milking the livestock, Hana took the opportunity to sneak away. When she had sneaked a good distance from the house, she turned around one last time to see if anyone had noticed her absence and followed her. When she saw that no one had done so, she paused and felt that something inside told her that this was the last time she saw this house. With tears streaming from her eyes, she turned around again and started running towards Touma’s house that was located in the outskirts of the village.

When darkness had settled over the village, Touma could hear the street crier shouting Hana’s Muslim name Rihane time and time again. The street criers were turned to at the time when someone had lost any pets or children who had strayed. At that time they went street by street and to neighboring villages and called out if anyone had seen what had been lost. They also informed about a possible reward.

When the street crier’s voice approached Touma, he could hear what was additionally cried out.

“Zeyneb misses her daughter Rihane and the one who hides her will meet death!” the street crier cried street by street in the entire village.

Touma understood that Zeyneb was serious about her threat. This was about more than Zeyneb and her daughter Rihane, it was about the Christians’ behavior towards the Muslims. There was prestige in the matter. He understood that Zeyneb was not alone in her threat, but that it was all Muslims in the village. How dare the infidels set about a Muslim, they surely thought at this moment.

Touma was obviously frightened at this moment. Of course, he had children of his own to think about, but he had given his promise to Iskender to take care of the girl if she showed up and then bring her to the village of Iwardo.

When a crowd of men with torches in their hands approached Touma’s house, he went to meet them in the yard.

“Who goes there in the night,” he called out, “and what do you want at this hour?”

“Be calm, Touma, it’s us, your fellow villagers. Zeyneb’s daughter Rihane is missing and we’re wondering if you have seen or heard anything.”

“No, I haven’t,” Touma asserted, “there’s never anyone who comes here. I heard the street crier before but I couldn’t hear what he was shouting, I was sleeping and I’m so remote, as you know. So this is about Zeyneb’s daughter? Poor Zeyneb. But come in, by all means. We’ll put on some tea.”

“No, no, we must continue,” one of the men replied, after which they turned and went further towards the village.

That night there was not much sleep had by either Hana, Touma or his family. Everyone understood the risk they had taken. Before the sun unfurled its dawn’s rays, Touma and Hana had already gone off towards Iwardo. Touma had to take care of this quickly. Everyone would keep an eye on everyone in the village and he had to be back to the village and take care of the everyday chores as usual, so that no one would become suspicious of him.

So when the village of Iwardo was in sight, he stopped and said: “I’ll leave you here now, Hana. The village is there and everyone are Christians there so don’t be afraid, they will take care of you. We’ll send a message to your relatives in Zaz about you being in Iwardo, so that they’ll come and get you. Don’t say that it was me who brought you here, say that you got lost and ended up here. If it gets out that it was me who brought you, I’m going to die. Promise me. I must return now, Hana. May God be with you!”

And with those words Touma left her and returned home quickly.