I am an anarchist and a government employee. Due to my economic circumstances, I have been forced to accept the only job that will provide me a sufficient opportunity to get my family out of the rapidly deteriorating condition we find ourselves in. My wife and our children are stuck in a Mexican border town that is plagued by the violence of the war on drugs, at least until we can obtain the necessary visas and funds to move to a place that puts us out of harm’s way. It was with their welfare in mind that I reluctantly applied for a job with the U.S. Census Bureau.

My wife and her son from a previous marriage are Mexican nationals. When we married, I had no idea how difficult it would be to obtain authorization for them to immigrate. Our ongoing struggle to meet all of the requirements of the Federal government is a story to be told at another time. That entire process was expensive, time-consuming, and frustrating.

I lost my last job about a year-and-a-half ago. Since then, I have been doing temporary work while attempting to find more gainful employment. It's hard to suppress the panic that comes with the knowledge that my savings have been completely depleted and the people who depend on me have no other means of support. It was with this in mind that I agreed to take the test for census takers in early December at the employment office near my parent's home in the American Deep South.

I was searching through job listings at an Internet terminal when I was approached by a friendly, well-dressed black woman who informed me that she was proctoring pre-employment tests for the census bureau that afternoon. She said I was welcome to take the test. I took it and did well. She said that I could expect to hear back from her in a couple of weeks. More than two months later, I got a phone message asking me to call in for a phone interview. When I called in, I was apologetically told that my application had been lost. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. The census bureau, whose only job is to collect and organize information about people, had lost my application AFTER they had called me and asked for an interview!

My application was eventually found and I was called back, but my relief at that development ended when I heard the interview questions. Did I mind asking complete strangers personal questions? Would I object to using misleading tactics in order to obtain information? Would I agree to use subtle, veiled threats if that became necessary to gather the data? Of course the questions weren't worded exactly that way, but it was obvious what they were really asking.

Thus I was faced with a dilemma. Either I would agree to be a part of this evil, fourth amendment-violating organization, or I would risk letting my family perish in the volcano of violence erupting in northern Mexico. I report for work next week.

In an attempt to at least partially atone for the deal I have made with the devil, I intend to fully document all of the evil I will participate in as a census taker. If the incompetence and malevolence I experience in the future is anywhere near as disturbing as I suspect, it should make for interesting reading.

March 4, 2009

The Best of Mr. X