DETROIT—In an effort to maintain their lead in the increasingly competitive heavy-duty sport utility vehicle market, General Motors unveiled Friday their new 14-seat, 11-door, 7-wheel, 4-trunk Chevrolet Teton. “Americans have come to expect more truckness from their SUVs, so we’re happy to deliver the first vehicle in its class with ninth-row seating and concentric nesting steering wheels,” said CEO Mary T. Barra, adding that efficiency-minded electric-powertrain innovators in the personal truck segment, such as Tesla and Rivian, had inspired General Motors to double down on their own traditional strengths and equip the Teton with 20-gallon cup holders and 18 subwoofers per seat as standard. “We spared no expense with this triple-axle quadruple-crossover. No truck outside of the former Soviet military has more storage space, not to mention optional heated headliners and in-trunk seating. Whether it’s the patent-leather cover on the new septurbo ‘TriTip’ 16-cylinder engine or the optional glass-bottomed interior, the Teton has something for everyone—even potential owners our marketing department only suspects may even exist.” Barra concluded the press conference by noting that the Teton would be the first SUV available with optional chrome wheels larger than the body of the vehicle itself.

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