I’ve had more than a few ask about if i suffer from any of the things mentioned by Ken in his video. Figured it would be a bit lengthy so i’d make it a separate post.

For those interested in the actual video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl-BICN2Ogk

I do actually, from time to time. It’s a weird thing for me though, i don’t know if i’d say i’m fully depressed but i’m sure at times it is there, i’d probably need a professionals input on that some day lol. I get very caught up in this youtube world, the numbers as he said and sometimes it gets to be too much. Its hard to ignore that kind of thing when its literally your life like 24/7. I also get caught up in the “industry” itself and all that comes with it. I get upset when i see some of the things he mentioned on youtube, because back when i started my channel, i didn’t just start making content for the sake of making content, or as a hobby which is how some say they started. I started it as an “escape” for the most part.

For me Youtube was my way to escape any issues, any unfortunate things that may have been happening in life at the time. Any pressures i felt. I could pop in Halo, film things, just take myself away from the world and just focus on this. I had already stopped giving a shit in other areas of my life so this would be the one escape (granted, my videos were still pretty shit lol but it still worked out).

Much like what Ken said, a lot of those good elements get covered up once you hit a certain point, once this scene got so crowded and once your mind shifts to focus on sooooo many aspects of youtube if you let it. Whether its the numbers, the community, the comments, friends vs thirsty people, journalism making us out to be bad, contract stuff, video quality, time management and the list goes on and on and on. It makes me feel like youtube isn’t a “safe” zone anymore and that part is kind of unsettling for someone whos been doing it for 6 years and would love to keep doing it but has that constantly creep up. Like how does one get their mind to just settle down and get back to that point of “this is my happy place” if all this shit happens around you and that’s where the mind goes?

It’s been quite the roller coaster ride for me doing this (and i hate roller coasters). I’ve felt pressures that have leaked into my personal life. Cost me friendships, cost me relationships, cost me health and well being, all for this because i don’t know how to deal with it. I get to the point where its too hard to juggle, and i cut people out. It’s my own fault. I handle stress by putting myself in a corner alone and throwing everyone else out. Its hard not to do as i try to keep my one escape that’s been my escape for 6 years. But you can see how this has become a revolving door, a routine thing. I try not to dwell on it though but the things mentioned are real and they happen to a lot of youtubers I’m sure.