I hear this question come up sometimes when I speak in front of people who are new to the concept of a men’s group, “Why do I need this? I have a poker group, what’s the difference?” Maybe nothing, maybe a lot. It depends on the men’s group and the poker group in question.

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I’d say two things:

1) If your poker group is serving your need to be around healthy masculinity and helps you to show up as a better man in the lives of your family, friends, and community… then double down.

If it’s just a bunch of drinking buddies, and after you’re done drinking and playing cards you feel like you wasted your time and stayed completely in the shallow end of the pool… then cash out.

2) A men’s group brings a focused intention to being better men. Who you choose, how you interact, and the purpose of the meeting all play a big role in how we develop as men. If you’re like me, you want to keep learning and growing.

I think a good poker group and a good men’s group could be the same event, could be different groups for different purposes, or could be diametrically opposed – causing a rift in your own identity around healthy manhood.

If you’re looking for allies who understand you and push you to be a better man… you might need a men’s group.

But assuming both are healthy situations, I equate this difference to having ten minutes with a beloved grandfather and choosing what to do with him. Would you rather have a beer and ask for valuable life wisdom, or would you rather hit the lake for some quiet feel-good fishing?

Neither’s wrong and both are valuable.

Now I ask you, what would you do if you had 20 minutes?