The following is a list of all the newspaper clippings that appear in Wolfenstein: The New Order.

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Bomb Raid On Berlin

Berlin, March 17, 1943 - An RAF bomb raid damaged multiple residential quarters in central Berlin last night. The raid caused large fires, with some witnesses describing "a sea of flames" engulfing several houses. Early reports indicate that a dozen civilians have been killed and scores more badly injured. Several people have also been reported as missing after seeking shelter from the bombs.

Moscow In Flames

Stockholm, March 16, 1945 - The Red Army were forced to retreat last night from a Moscow engulfed by flames following a week-long German bomb raid. The barrage of mortar fire heard throughout the night and well into early Thursday morning seems to have obliterated what was left of the inner parts of the city the destruction of the city comes just after the German victory at Stalingrad . As of yet, there has been no word on the whereabouts of either Josef Stalin or his high command.

Royal Air Force Down But Not Out!

Liverpool, June 25, 1945 - The Royal Air Force suffered a major defeat yesterday at the Battle over Liverpool. Though major losses were reported on both sides, the RAF were forced to retreat after losing more than 2/3 of their fighters. But even when faced with overwhelming odds, our brave boys in the skies continue to fight for King and Country. This fighting spirit may be what constitutes the very essence of Englishness. "Us Englishmen, we fight until the very end," said a corner shop owner trying to put out a fire raging inside St Luke's Church. "And I'll be damned if I will let some Jerry come here and tell us what to do." Was this man channeling the spirit of RAF Pilot Jameson? Jameson, who was shot down above Liverpool yesterday, burst out of his burning wreckage, his body on fire and armed only with a pistol, and killed four German paratroopers before finally succumbing himself. Even as the enemy stands on our doorstep, the RAF will go to hell and back to kick them out of England. Jolly good, boys!

Nazis Constructing Super Weapons

London, July 5, 1946 - Reports out of Berlin report that the Nazis are constructing an arsenal of super weapons to be deployed on the battlefield. The recent introduction of highly advanced war technology has changed the course of the war, but the Allied commanders are still confident they will win this before the end of the year. "What the Nazis have in military technology, they lack in strategic know-how," commented Commander Wilkinson yesterday when we contacted him for an interview.

"I Want Peace" Says Führer

Berlin, Jul 10, 1946 - The future of humanity is at stake. In a rare interview exclusively for this newspaper, discussing the war effort and the values that make the German race so unique and superior, our beloved Führer delivers his vision for the world after the war. "Make no mistake about it. I want my people to have what is rightfully ours. The English, the Russians and the Americans and all other inferior parasites who breed like vermin will kneel before the master race. This I can promise you.

America Loses Naval Supremacy

Tokyo, August 20, 1946 - "The Americans are on their knees," Field Marshal Franz-Gustav Beyers told the gathered reporters during today's press conference. The superior German submarine fleet, accompanied by its loyal Japanese allies, has helped Germany achieved a major victory in the Pacific, with more than half of the American fleet destroyed at the Battle of Leyte Gulf alone.

Mystery Man Rescued by Maławieś Fishermen

Warsaw, August 27, 1946 - A fishing boat today rescued a man floating on a piece of wood in the Baltic sea. The man was taken to a hospital in Maławieś where his condition was stabilized. Doctors say the man has suffered extensive head trauma and is unresponsive to outside stimulus. The unidentified man will be transferred to the Zakład Psychiatryczny Maławieś for psychiatric treatment.

The Soviet Union Surrenders

Moscow, December 12, 1946 - The cold Russian winter bites hard, but one could not tell looking at the rosy, smiling forces of the victorious German army and the liberated Russian people. The last battle against the Red Army took place in Izhevsk, following their month-long campaign to seize the Russian capital. A campaign which, after numerous setbacks and hundreds of civilian casualties, caused the Russian people to turn against their own army. With nightly bomb raids by the German Air Force on the Red Army's military factories in the Ural region, it was merely a matter of time before the Russian forces would start to lose their morale. The murderous tyrant Josef Stalin is yet to be found, but there are rumors circulating that he may have been assassinated by his own men.

Regime Crosses The Atlantic!

Vancouver, January 3, 1947 - Earlier this week, a German submarine was sunk in the Cabot Strait just a few miles off the coast of Cape North. Today, hundreds of ships crossed the Atlantic and the first German troops set foot upon Canadian soil and the invasion has begun . "Now is the time to be brave," said the Prime Minister in an emergency radio broadcast. "It's now or never! Our boys at the frontline need your support. To defend our homeland. To defend our freedom!"

Triumph In The East!

Berlin, April 4, 1947 - It was a devastating defeat for the Russian resistance when the German flag was raised on the western side of the river Volga this morning. In a statement to our reporter on site, Field Marshal Friedrich Ritter said that the victory is not only thanks to our hard-working and dedicated troops, but also the result of a new weapon that was deployed for the first time in battle. "The Panzerhund is a mechanical, autonomous beast of war that cannot feel fear and cannot feel remorse. It is the purest form of killing machine and it will tear the Russians apart, limb by limb.

Japan Pushed Back - Another Threat Approaches

Chongqing, March 7, 1948 - It was a proudest moment for the Republic of China and the People's Liberation Army as the Japanese were pushed back into Hubei province. Yet from the north, another dark menace approaches at a swift pace. Nazi Germany has defeated the Soviet Union and is now moving towards China. During a rousing speech earlier today, the Chairman spoke of his faith in the Chinese people. "A unified China cannot be defeated", he said. "A unified China cannot be conquered. A unified China will never surrender."

Finally! The British Tyranny Comes To An End

London, June 21, 1948 - As if blessed by the sun, the German flag hung high this morning over Buckingham palace to mark the end of a tyrannical monarchy which has plagued the English people for centuries. Field Marshal Gerolf Feigenbaum, who lead the British invasion, cautioned that armed resistance is to be expected, but the majority of the British people will soon realize how they have been fooled by the British government's war-mongering leaders. Following the surrender, the whole of the Commonwealth falls under German rule and the remaining armies have been ordered to stand down.

Victory in Asia!

Berlin, July 8, 1948 - Early Monday morning, a special assault team launched an attack on the last stronghold of the People's Liberation Army. Within hours, the Republic of China surrendered unconditionally. Experts commented that the Japanese government now have no choice but to give up their territorial claims in Asia. Sources close to Field Marshal claim that a plan is being drawn up for both China and Japan which will transition the two countries into servant states with separate governments and military. These states will, of course, be supremely government by the superior Nazi empire.

Atomic Bomb Hits America

Paris, December 21, 1948 - The largest bomb ever invented was dropped 13 hours ago on New York City, largely decimating Manhattan and killing over 200,000 people. "It's an atomic bomb," said our Great Leader in a radio broadcast speech to the public. "Twenty thousand times more powerful than the biggest bomb ever created before. But more than a bomb, this the beginning of the end for the americans.

America Surrenders

Washington, December 24, 1948 - Speaking to the American people in the falling snow on Christmas Eve, the President of the United States facing complete obliteration declared the government's total surrender to the Nazis . The announcement comes just days after the atomic bomb was dropped on New York. "This final act of violence may have saved millions of lives that would have resulted from a land invasion of America," said the German leader in a press statement following the announcement. "I applaud the President's speech, a spectacular show was put on by the invading troops parading down the streets of Washington to the roaring sound of German jet fighters passing overhead. Even more spectacular were the massive mechanical beasts known as "Panzerhunden", or "armored dogs", hulking over the crowds.

The Liberation Of America Has Begun

Washington, January 7, 1949 - The honorable Wehrmacht peace troops embarked on a nation-wide victory tour this week. The goal of this operation is to liberate the oppressed American people and protect them from dangerous insurgent elements. All remaining American military personnel are advised to stand down and report to the nearest German checkpoint. Once there, they will be issued a labor card assigning them to work on rebuilding the country according to the superior cultural standards of the new regime.

America Rises From The Ashes!

The American spirit rises in the shadow of the mushroom-shaped cloud that was produced by Germany's evil atom bomb when it hit New York. Cells of freedom fighters have assembled across the country and are taking up arms. Though targeted attacks on German VIPs and bombings of crucial military installations, the American resistance is making it very difficult for the invaders to remain in control. Reports claim the German invaders have become so desperate they are shipping elite anti-rebel units from China to prevent the insurrection from spreading. Eyewitness accounts also describe mass executions of civilians as punishment for attacks performed by the freedom fighters.

Editorial: Germany Has Betrayed Us!

Rome, October 13, 1949 - And so we must face the bitter truth. We, the Italian people, have been fooled into thinking that our northern ally would be our country's salvation and a collaborator in rebuilding Italy to its former glory. Reports from the north are coming in describing German tanks and infantry turning against our soldiers and attacking our own people. Witnesses describe horrible scenes of whole villages burnt and plundered. We are now just days away from a complete invasion and our weak government is incapable of doing anything about it. I advise all Italians not to surrender. Do not bow down to the will of the invaders. Rise and take arms! Do whatever you can to fight back the tyranny! Rise for freedom!

First German Lands On Moon

Berlin, July 21, 1951 - At 3:56 yesterday afternoon, astronaut Hans Armstark[1] become the first man to walk on the moon. First contact with the moon's surface was made 30 minutes after Armstark and his co-pilot Emmerich Otto steered the lunar module to its landing spot in an area known as the Glimmer Bowl. After the landing, the two astronauts began their adventure on the moon by planting the beautiful flag of the Reich. They then started collecting soil and rock samples for further analysis back on earth.

Last Light In England

Paris, September 17, 1951 - The stalwart resistance of the brave people of London has been quelled, claim sources inside London. After the August Uprising, which had seemed like a turning point for the resistance fighters, the German tyrants unleashed their latest machine of oppression - a monstrous thing called the London Monitor. Eyewitnesses reports describe the fight as a massacre with the cobblestone streets drenched in the blood of the brave resistance fighters crushed or, combat units then proceeded to move from block to block systematically taking out the last remnants of freedom fighters.

General Awards Local Asylum Doctor

Warsaw, March 4, 1952 - Dr. Krzysztof Oliwa was awarded today by General Wilhelm Strasse for his services to the Reich in researching mental illnesses. The General noted in his speech the importance of the work carried out by Dr. Oliwa and his peers. "Without people like Dr. Oliwa, society would grind to a halt. The lunatics would be running the asylum," he said to the amused crowd.

Mold Infestation In Berlin

London, May 15, 1953 - It's fair to say there's some sort of poetic justice in this. Reports from our resistance friends in Berlin suggests that a new type of mold spore has started infesting structures made out of super concrete used by the Regime. It has started festering in the massive underground ventilation system and is spreading throughout the city. Friends of the resistance! This could be a major advantage for us. The mold seems to corrode the stability of the concrete, making it easier to destroy structures that are important to the Regime in Berlin.

Benevolent Liberators Guard China's Borders

Shanghai, October 25, 1953 - Thanks to the ingenuity of German engineers, the Great Wall of China has been reinforced and upgraded by our benevolent German liberators. Hundreds of powerful automatic flak cannons have been installed along the Wall, guarding the air space from potential invaders from the Mongolian territories. Elite German troops have also been stationed from one end to the other to guard the border. This is a great act of generosity bestowed by our benevolent liberators symbolically marking the beginning of a new era of peace in Asia.

Dr. Oliwa's Miracle Retreat - A Family Business

Malawies, December 19, 1956 - Established by Dr. Franciszek Oliwa in 1824, the Zaklad Psychiatryczny Malawies has long been a haven for people suffering mental afflictions. In a revealing interview, the current director of the establishment, Dr. Krzysztof Oliwa, speaks about the trying years during the war and how he was helped by General Wilhelm Strasse to get his business back on its feet. "I would not be here today, if it wasn't for General Strasse," said the doctor when greeting us on the asylum courtyard.

Gibraltar Bridge Opened

Madrid, October 3, 1957 - The biggest bridge ever built was finally inaugurated yesterday evening in front of a gathered crowd of top Nazi politicians as well as specially invited upstanding citizens in the area. The honor of cutting ribbon went of course to our beloved leader who was flown in from Berlin this morning and held a short but powerful speech afterwards in front of the impressive construction crossing the Gibraltar Strait. "I was moved to tears," said Wilma, a local shop owner. "He has such a way with words." She wasn't the only one moved to tears. Günther Grünwald, head engineer of the project, received a special thanks from our leader. "I am speechless," said Grünwald afterwards. "I don't know what to say."

Animal Hybridization Soon Reality?

Rome, September 2, 1960 - A new paper released today revealed the results of recent research into animal hybridizations by a group of bioengineers at the London Nautica. "I wouldn't rule out a crocoduck in the not-so-distant future," said a happy scientist when asked about the practical implications of the research.

What Happened To The Maławieś Serial Killer?

Maławieś, October 8, 1960 - It has been almost 5 years now since the murders stopped, but people have not forgotten the ruthless serial killer of Maławieś. What drove this killer to murder innocent German men with such calculated and cold-hearted brutality? Why could the authorities not stop him? We take a look into the investigation and how the murders still haunt the people of Maławieś.

Camp Commander Plans New Quarry

Zagreb, October 9, 1960 - Following the discovery of more limestone deposits outside Belica, Croatia, Commander Irene Engel of Camp Belica revealed her plans to build a second camp site. "As limestone is such a crucial ingredient in the manufacture of super concrete, which is the building block of our new world, this new quarry will ensure that the expansion of our lebensraum across the globe can unfold at an even faster pace," said Commander Engel when unveiling the plans to the gathered press today.

Armed Lunatics Escape Maławieś Asylum!

Warsaw, October 9, 1960 - Two dangerous mental patients went on a murder spree today in the Zakład Psychiatryczny Maławieś, killing patients and staff indiscriminately. The pair was seen fleeing in a car after killing the law enforcers sent to stop them. The patients are male and female, the man described as blonde and blue-eyed in his forties and the female in her mid-thirties with brown hair and blue eyes. "These degenerates are to be considered armed and dangerous. Do not try to be a hero if you see them," the Maławieś police spokesman warned the public of today's press conference.

Our Government Cooperated With The Nazis

A source inside Rosenbad revealed yesterday that the government was cooperating in secret with the Nazis during the war. "They said we were supposed to be neutral," said the source during an interview with our reporter, "but in actuality, they were letting in the Nazi Secret Police to remove political dissidents." Here in Uppsala, the Institute of Race Biology at the University has long been performing research based on Nazi ideology, such as the measuring and cataloging of the Sami people's cranium size.

Paris Is Being Cleansed From "Undesirables"

Rumors are spreading regarding a new campaign launched by the secret police in Paris. Sources we've spoken to suggest that the police are trying to wipe the city clean of what they call the "undesirables": homosexuals, people with a "non-aryan" appearance, the mentally disabled. The list goes on and on. Men, women and children are being taken from their homes never to be seen again. "No one is really safe from these mad dogs," said one anonymous citizen we talked to who managed to escape a Nazi purge raid. "Escape while you can."

Art Dealer Arrested

Vienna, October 10, 1960 - Vienna art dealer Astrid Kopf was arrested today on the charges of keeping and selling illegal art. Among the extensive art collection in her possession police found numerous examples of degenerate art, including work by Austrian born Gustav Klimt. The indecent art was confiscated by the police and will be destroyed once an extensive analysis of the works has been performed. Kopf's attorney commented that she was truly sorry for what she had done and that she would not contest the accusations.

Creating the Perfect Mind

Brussel, October 10, 1960 - As one of the key figures in computational science, Dr. Ernst Brandt was the inventor of the first AI system to be used in one of General Strasse's war machines, the Panzerhund. Now, his gaze is fixed on the next challenge: the creation of the smartest non-human intelligence in existence. "There are many benefits for society if such an artificial being could be created," said the soft-spoken doctor to us when we met up with him last week in the Modern School of Computer Science in Brussels. "Not least because it can help us automatize the process of determining who is a decent citizen and who is not." It is a tantalizing thought indeed, which is why General Strasse has granted Brandt an increased funding to his research project.

Serial Killer On The Loose - Murder Duo Suspect

Berlin, October 11, 1960 - The rash of murders which has plagued the city for the last couple of months may be the work a degenerate murder duo, sources close to the investigation say. So far, five people have been killed. Each victim has found dismembered and scattered throughout the sewers. Witness reports speak of two strange men, most likely mentally and physically disabled, lurking around the crime scenes. "They did not look like normal, decent Berlin folks to me," says one of the witnesses. "Must have been them who did this awful thing."

Die Käfer World Tour Begin In Berlin

Berlin, October 11, 1960 - Next month, the dynamic four will enter the stage inside the world famous Volkshalle to perform music from their latest album "Das blaue U-boat". Tickets to the show have already been sold out in record time. "It's just phenomenal, the response we've had on this latest album," said the band's manager, Wolfgang Trapper. Die Käfer, who got themselves in trouble last week when they forgot to thank the Führer before starting their concert, has also announced they will star in a new TV-show about the adventures of world famous boy band.

New Limestone Deposits Discovered In Croatia

Zagreb, October 11, 1960 - A rich deposit of limestone has been discovered a few kilometers north of Belica, Croatia. The geologist who surveyed the site says that there is an abundance of the special composition of limestone that is very suitable for the manufacture of super concrete, the material used by the Reich architects when constructing new buildings. "This could be our biggest find yet," commented the geologist when we rang her up yesterday.

Escaping Prisoner Eaten By Panzerhunden

Berlin, October 12, 1960 - A prisoner trying to escape Eisenwald last week found himself in the belly of the beast when he was eaten alive by one of the guard Panzerhunden. The guards tried to pull out the prisoner from the metal jaws of the Panzerhund but the superiority of Reich technology made the rescue attempt futile. The prisoner was a convicted murderer and rapist who will certainly not be missed by anyone.

Inside The Siberian Training Grounds

Moscow, October 12, 1960 - Located near the northern part of the Ural mountains, not far from the Karasee, the Deathshead's Commando training camps are considered to be the toughest in the world. In a series of investigative reports, we reveal how these fierce combatants manage to live through their days in extreme cold temperatures and how it makes them the superior warriors.

Scientists: Manhattan Liveable In Just 5 Years

Berlin, October 12, 1960 - Manhattan has been a radioactive wasteland for the past decade. There have been few attempts to go into the forbidden zone because of the risk of lethal exposure to radiation. But now, scientists believe they may have a way to turn the radioactive ground zero of New York into a livable environment in just five years. "The technology could finally make atom bombs safer to use, without destroying the environment," said Professor Johaan Treudt during this morning's press conference.

Editorial: Is The Terror Threat Over?

Berlin, October 13, 1960 - A strange feeling of serenity comes over me as I walk my morning promenade along Unter den Linden. At first, I struggle to understand what this feeling comes from and why I haven't felt it for so long. And then it hits me. For the last six months there has been no terrorist activity. No ruthless killing sprees against innocent civilians. No car bombs in peaceful neighborhoods. No suicide attacks on public transports. Has the Secret Police, once and for all, won the war against terrorism?

EXTRA: Prisoners Escaped Eisenwald

Berlin, October 13, 1960 - Early morning a small group of prisoners escaped from Eisenwald Prison. The prisoners were described by the police as highly dangerous murderers, rapists and degenerates. They advise the public to stay alert for people displaying deviant behavior and report anything that may help them track down these individuals.

Fossil Of New Species Discovered in Dorset

Lyme Regis, October 15, 1960 - Dorset, affectionately known as "Jurassic Coast", has been the focus point of the scientific world community for the last month when the fossil of a new species of marine reptile was uncovered. Paleontologist Helmut Lehmann has been trying to find a way to recreate extinct animals for a suggested prehistoric zoo. "These latest findings could be just what we've been looking for," said the professor when we met him at a local café this week. "And if we cam harness these animals correctly, they may be beneficial for out military too." Dinosaurs instead of tanks? We'll just have to wait and see.

Crime Rate Down In Quarantine Block

London, October 15, 1960 - Police are seeing a trend of diminishing crime rate in the London quarantine blocks. "It is quite safe now for the denizens of the quarantines to take a stroll down the streets," said Police Chief Bruno Winkler. "Murder cases are of a historic low." He added that the benevolent treatment of the citizens by the new regime has had a positive effect on the decent folk of the city. "We are also seeing an increase in the number of reports filed on deviant behavior by both neighbors and family members alike.

Coalminers Happy With New Labor Rules

Birmingham, October 15, 1960 - Representatives of the coalminers of Reichsgae Britannien announced today that they were very pleased with the new labor regulations suggested by the London office. "These new regulations will ensure good working conditions while increasing the overall productivity of coal mining in the region," said Reichstanhalter Neumann when interviewed. A group of coalminers in Birmingham confirmed their satisfaction with the new regulations this morning. "It's good that our leaders think about our health," said father of two James Brixton. "Things have really changed for the better since the war."

London Nautica Bombed By Terrorists

London, October 16, 1960 - A suicide bomber detonated explosives packed into the trunk of a small car at the entrance of the London Nautica Research Center early yesterday morning, killing dozens of employees working at the facility and injuring hundreds. Officials say it's the first attack they've had in London for years and it comes just months after the anniversary of the August Uprising, where scores of degenerates tried to cast the upstanding citizens of the city into anarchy and mayhem.

Degenerate Killers Captured!

Berlin, October 16, 1960 - The pair of degenerate serial killers stalking Berlin has finally been captured, said the Chief of Police at a press conference this morning. The degenerates were quickly diagnosed by a psychiatrist as having several mental deficiencies causing violent and unpredictable behavior. A trial will commence, after which the pair will most likely be hanged for murder.

Croatian Luxury Resort Best In Test

Zagreb, November 7, 1960 - Just dying to get away on a relaxing vacation? Then look no further than to Croatia's finest luxury resort, the Mediterranean Pearl. The resort was listed as the world's best vacation spot in the latest issue of the number one travel magazine Reisen. The Mediterranean Pearl lies in the beautiful city of Rabac by the clear blue Adriatic sea, an area famous for its white pebble beaches.

Degenerate Killer Duo Executed Today

Berlin, November 7, 1960 - The crowds that gathered on the streets and squares of the city laughed and cheered when the degenerate serial-killer duo were executed today on live-TV. "I feel so much safer now, knowing those two animals are no longer around," said one of the on-lookers. "A friend of friend of mine was killed by those bastards," shouted another man. If nothing else, this is a valuable lesson to other degenerates out there that justice will eventually find them all.

Editorial: Resistance Cells Reactivated?

Berlin, November 7, 1960 - Many of us thought that after almost half a year of inaction, the terrorist cells close to or in Berlin had finally been wiped out. But with the escape of a key resistance member a few weeks ago, recent disturbing events point to one or more cells having been reactivated. The headless body of one of General Strasse's top commanders was found on the bottom of a river close to Gdynia, Poland just two days ago. Maybe the six months of peace were just the calm before the coming storm?

Terrorist Hunt In Berlin

Berlin, November 9, 1960 - The police are conducting a wide search through Berlin city in an attempt to find leads to potential active terrorist cells. Citizens of Berlin are required to comply with authorities or face severe criminal charges. The search has so far led to several interesting leads according to police officials. In relatedness, a man was killed early this morning when a group of men accused him of harboring terrorists in his shop. Police said the man most likely had nothing to do with terrorism and that it was all a tragic mistake.



Belica Limestone Quarry Attacked By Terrorists

Berlin, November 9, 1960 - Following the horrific attack of an unknown terrorist cell on the Belica limestone quarry, the quarry commander Irene Engel was awarded a medal by our beloved Fuhrer for her bravery in defending against the crazed attackers. "The Commander is currently recovering in the Reich hospital in Berlin and wants to spend this time with her family," said a representative of Frau Engel.

Paris Building Collapses - Architect Executed

Paris, November 13, 1960 - A court ruled yesterday evening the architect Pierre Meyer as guilty of manslaughter and criminal negligence. The architect was executed just two hours after receiving his sentence. The sentence comes three months after a newly built high-rise constructed by Meyer collapsed and killed 134 people. Since the building was made with indestructible super concrete, it was only natural that the official investigation into the accident would quickly turn its focus from the building material to the architect of the building. "Justice has been swiftly served," commented Judge Lenkmann after the execution to the gathered press.

African Mortality Rate Down 100% Since War

Casablanca, November 13, 1960 - A new study conducted by a committee appointed by our beloved Leader has found that the mortality rate in Northern Africa has dropped by 100% since the war ended. The study notes that the change of regimes in the region and the introduction of decent German values has contributed extensively to this phenomenal change. Southern Africa remains a chaotic spawning ground for terrorists and anarchists.

Transforming Sahara Into A Green Paradise

Casablanca, November 13, 1960 - You may have seen the gleaming silver monoliths when flying overhead, but few know what they actually are. "We are testing technology which could be used to transform other planets into places where Germans could live in the future," said space engineering Faust when we caught up with him for an interview. Faust, who has been living for the past half year in the desert, describes the incredible new research project as a potential game changer for the future of our race. If Sahara can be transformed into a lush garden of Eden, why not Mars, or Venus? "The possibilities may be endless," commented the space engineer with a humble smile.

Labor Camp Planned On The Moon

Berlin, November 15, 1960 - New plans for the construction of labor camps on the moon were revealed today by Dieter Lang, the head of the lunar base project. "Not only will we be able to mover undesirable elements of society off the earth, away from the decent citizens, we can also put these degenerates to work on mining Wolframite," said Lang when we phoned him this morning. Wolframite, a rare mineral which has so far only been found on the moon, is currently being extracted by remote controlled drones, but the process is slow and inefficient. The new labor camps would be constructed in underground mine shafts and feature almost completely automatized correctional technology, such as guard drones and automatic sentry guns, to keep prisoners from escaping.

Study: New World Peaceful & Prosperous

Berlin, November 15, 1960 - The world has never been more peaceful than it is right now, new study proves. Germans are wealthy and healthy and according to the study, they are happier than before, content with their lives and have a positive outlook on the future. Furthermore, our lebensraum almost covers 75% of earth's habitable places and expansion into space is coming soon. Many analysts predict the next expansion will take us to Venus.

Terrorists Attack Gibraltar Bridge

Casablanca, November 15, 1960 - A terrorist attack struck the Gibraltar Bridge in the middle of rush hour Thursday morning, leaving hundreds dead and thousands more injured. Officials believe that a fanatical group of anarchists are behind the attack. But if the goal was to destroy the hard labor of the thousands of construction workers who put their heart and soul into realizing the Gibraltar Bridge project, it seems the terrorists have failed. "They hardly put a dent in it," laughs the head of the project.

Biggest Gun Ever Constructed

London, November 15, 1960 - The Super Weapons Division of our military has created the largest weapon in the world. In the vast darkness of space, far above Earth, looms a gigantic orbital mirror which can harness the power of the Sun itself - the Sonnengewehr! In the center of the mirror, a 2.5 kilometer long space station juts out, aimed directly at Earth. When activated, the Sonnengewehr focuses the Sun's energy into a death ray capable of incinerating entire cities and boiling the oceans. "With this weapon we can truly strike down on the anarchists and terrorists lurking in the darkest corners of the Earth, without sending in our brave troops to their potential deaths," commented the head of the Sonnengewehr project, Hans Grubst. "The risk of collateral damage is minimal, if not non-existent."

Fish & Chips Not So Popular

London, November 15, 1960 - New study finds that Londoners' long-standing relationship with fish and chips is coming to an end. Instead, the decent folks of the city have developed a craving for a more wholesome dish: sauerkraut and sausage. "This is wonderful news," said the Minister of Culture in a telephone interview this morning. "Fish and chips is bad for your health. Sauerkraut and sausage is clearly superior."

London Degenerates Riot

London, November 15, 1960 - In light of recent tumultuous events in the city, the London Police organized a press conference to clarify the situation. "The recent outbursts of violence and anarchistic behavior in the quarantine blocks is starting to escalate into an uncontrollable situation" said the chief of police. Last night hundreds of degenerates gathered in public places to riot but were quickly put to a halt when the police deployed the London Monitor. "The operation was an incredible success. The Monitor killed every degenerate without any collateral damage whatsoever". said the chief of police in this morning's press conference. "But it's not over. We have to be swift when dealing with these sorts of people. If you can call them people".

References