Rebuilding Life in Unrequited Love.

At the risk of presenting myself as completely insane, I once asked an unrequited lover, obsessed about a woman he worked with. He was finding night times impossible to deal with to “research the top twenty service stations catering for UK motorways north of London as rated by customers”. I asked him to compile me a report on it. Romantic or what! My rapport with this man was such that I convinced him to do it – and because he was a perfectionist, once he’d agreed, he couldn’t not do it. The next day, he came in and told me that after this onerous but logical task, he’d slept soundly, hadn’t much thought about this woman, and felt like he turned a corner. I’m not suggesting you do this task, but I am illustrating a point.

Following a breakup, you may feel like your life is over. It may be hard to get out of your bed in the morning, motivate yourself to go to school or find pleasure in the activities you used to enjoy. While it may not feel like it, it is possible to rebuild your life after a breakup, by making yourself and your needs a priority. Do things that engage your logical, planning, strategic brain. As discussed in my blog Choose Well, we live for our choices. They define who we are. We are also free to choose to make a decision. This could be a decision to continue following unrequited love, or to realise the truth and move on. This decision can change your life. Like all other decisions in life, this too can turn out to be for the better (which is mostly the case), or for the worse. No matter what, you will learn from the experience. You need to first acknowledge the problem, in order to understand how it is affecting you. This is the only way to identify the problem, so you can exercise our choice and decide how to deal with it and make the necessary changes. When people are depressed, they have less activity in the prefrontal lobes of the left side of their brain, so purposefully doing logical activities which can be way more interesting than that guy’s task, can help stabilize mood and help you feel much more detached and objective about stuff that was bothering you. You need perspective to deal with unrequited love.

Cut Him Loose

Stop all communication with your ex. Don’t text, call or hang out with him. Don’t ask other people how he’s feeling or what he’s been doing. Don’t check up on him via social media outlets. De-friend him, his friends and his family from these accounts to avoid the temptation of snooping. Knowing where he’s been or who he’s been with isn’t going to help you move on with your life.

Make Yourself a Priority

When healing from a breakup, it’s vital that you take care of your mental and physical health. What you do with your body makes a huge difference in how you feel. For example, rather than mope around, go for a jog, hike or bike ride. Exercise releases endorphins, which will improve your outlook. Eat a healthy diet and get enough sleep. Do things that help you relax and feel better, such as getting a massage or taking a hot shower.

Move Forward

Do activities and things that you enjoy and discover new pastimes. Now would be a good time to sign up for the cooking class you’ve been meaning to take or fulfil your love of trail running. Participating in new activities is also a great way to make new friends.

Seek Support

Reach out to your best friend, a family member or someone you trust. When a person in pain isolates oneself, the pain becomes greater. Let others be there to support, love and comfort you. Leaning on other people helps a person to come to terms with one’s pain and makes one feel loved. Talk about how you feel and know that you are not alone as you rebuild your life. It feels good to know that there is someone who understands us and is there for us when we are lonely, low, or sad.

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