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One is a tracksuit-wearing benefits cheat who will do anything to avoid work, while the other is a would-be Wag laden with credit card debts.

Punch and Judy have been given a makeover in a revamped version of the classic puppet show which has been performed in Britain since 1662.

Comedy writers Gary Lawson and John Phelps, whose credits include My Family, Goodnight Sweetheart and Birds of a Feather, were given the task of updating the puppets to mark their 350th anniversary.

It follows a survey by TV comedy channel Gold which found that 40 per cent of parents thought Punch and Judy was too violent for children, with more than half believing that it was out of date.

Punch and Judy Rebooted sees the crocodile replaced by Longa the Loan Shark, the devil by Nick Clegg, the judge by Simon Cowell and the policeman is portrayed as a hapless Boris Johnson. In failing his regular babysitting duties, Punch agrees to sell his baby to a “famous female pop star” before being arrested and jailed.

Lawson, 53, said: “I remember seeing Punch and Judy when I went on holiday to Southend as a child, and I always felt it was quite scary. One of the things we have done is take the violence aspect out of it.

“We thought we’d try to bring it up to date by putting satire into it rather than knockabout humour. We’ve kept a fairly traditional structure with many of the new characters based on the familiar ones.

“The violence is now more like Tom and Jerry — the opposite of the traditional scenes of baby throwing. We didn’t want to lose the slapstick entirely — that is a quintessential part of a quintessential show.”

However, the revamp has not been welcomed by all. Dan Bishop, a member of the Punch and Judy College of Professors, said: “Throughout its history it has had adaptations that have fitted within its framework, such as the introduction of Napoleon and Margaret Thatcher.

“Once it starts becoming exclusively modern and satirical, it turns into something else. I don’t think there is violence — it’s slapstick comedy, which is a very old Italian theatrical device. People need to put the slapstick in Punch and Judy into perspective.”

The show, which is produced by Gold, will be performed at the Punch and Judy bar forecourt in Covent Garden at 10am and midday tomorrow before going on tour at seaside resorts.