Now anybody sending a daughter off to college these days would be well-advised to hire a professional referee to give her the final instruction boxers get before the bell: “Protect yourself at all times.” That said, isn’t it odd that with violent crime rates dropping sharply everywhere, sexual assaults are supposedly metastasizing on campus?

Supposedly, one in five women college students gets sexually assaulted. Never mind that if one in five Starbucks customers got molested, the chain would soon go out of business. It follows that nobody outside the Task Force really believes those numbers. Alarming statistics are manufactured by including in the definition of “sexual assault” things like trying to steal a kiss or patting a girl on the fanny — ill-advised and boorish, but not normally a crime.

It’s probable that the list of 55 offending schools reflects not so much bad male behavior as the prevalence of institutionalized academic feminism on campus. The more “soldier sisters,” as a sarcastic woman friend calls them, the more sexual assault complaints.

This is not to make light of real sexual crimes. Quite the opposite. Those should be prosecuted in real courts by law enforcement professionals. It’s an imperfect system, but these faculty tribunals are a joke.