We continue our tradition of pushing the limits of our local Burger King staff’s kindness by ordering a double Whopper topped with around 80 bucks worth of pickles.

Sometimes, as a web-based writer, when a good news story doesn’t come to you, you’ve just gotta go out and make one yourself. For us here at RocketNews24, more often than not, that means annoying the staff at our local Burger King by taking the chain’s “Have it Your Way” slogan to ludicrous extremes. To date, we’ve ordered Whoppers with 1,000 slices of cheese, 100 slices of onions (gross), and 1,000 slices of bacon. 1,000 burger patties seemed a little extreme, even for us — and remember we’re the people who bought US$10,000 worth of scratch lottery tickets basically for the lulz — so the next logical choice this time out seemed to be ordering the poor Burger King staff to top our burger with nearly a hundred bucks’ worth of pickles.

What could possibly go wrong?

Once we determined which topping we’d go all out on this time, we very nearly sent over one of our Japanese writers straight away to order up the monstrous pickle burger in person. But, we had a last second change of heart, realizing the apocalyptic amount of pickles we were planning to order could very well put the store out of pickles for days to come, resulting in the other hungry masses being forced to consume bland, pickle-free Whoppers. Our consciences just wouldn’t allow that, so we called to place the order in advance.

On the phone with the store’s manager, we were told the retailer couldn’t “vouch for the flavor” but assured us they possessed pickles in abundance and could fulfill the order if we really, really wanted it. Which, of course, we did, because anything worth doing is worth overdoing to a ridiculous and dangerous extreme.

A couple of hours later, we put aside thoughts of how we had almost certainly caused several teenage Burger King employees to hit the absolute nadir of their food service industry experience, and traipsed over to get a look at our prize. The resulting burger, topped with around 9,000 yen (US$75-80) in pickles, was hefty, to say the least — we’d later find it weighed a whopping (hahahahaha, sorry…) 1.7 kg. It was so huge and bulky that the hapless staff members charged with packing up the thing had to sort of just tape together a bunch of standard wrappers. And, since pickles are one of the more moist toppings on a burger, the over 700 slices of pickles adorning our burger had already soaked through all those wrappers, turning the whole package into a wet mess right out of the gates.

Obviously, the towering almost-entirely-pickles-Whopper was far too big to eat like a regular burger, so the whole sad, mutated mass had to be disassembled and eaten piecemeal by everyone in the office — so basically, one guy ended up just eating a regular Whopper and everyone else walked away with hundreds of pickles. Which begs the question, if we can’t even eat these ridiculous concoctions of ours as they’re intended, why even bother with all this?

Well, because, what are we going to do? Not order a Whopper containing almost a thousand pickles? Hahahahaha, now that would just be silly…

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