Live right now, danger close to our government

The White House is hosting its first ever gaming live stream right now (watch below), the "White House Competitive Gaming Event." The four-hour Twitch stream is meant to "promote health coverage enrollment," possibly through a live case of gaming-induced deep vein thrombosis.

But why are beanie-wearing millenials playing esports in the White House, and so soon after the CIA -- an incredibly trustworthy institution with no history of installing right-wing leaders in foreign nations across the globe -- has intimated, albeit with no evidence, that Russia got Donald Trump elected?

It's convenient that this is the second time in as many weeks a big gaming event has been used to distract from Russian meddling in United States politics -- remember that sudden No Man's Sky update? And while video games might be as American as baseball and apple pie today, a closer inspection at the origins of the medium might prove shocking:

Just because these gaming youths look sweet, it doesn't mean they're not part of a Russian plot to undermine everything you believe in, including the fact that stemless wine glasses are stupid. Either go full stem hoity-toity, or just use a regular glass that isn't so thin it will shatter in your hand.

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