VILLAN OF THE PIECE

In May 2014, the Aston Villa owner Randy Lerner nailed a large “For Sale” sign to the Holte End, saying he owed it to the grand old club to “move on and look for fresh, invigorated leadership if in my heart I feel I can no longer do the job”. He was, in effect, daubing a metaphorical bed sheet with foot-high letters (that squish up a bit as you get near the end because these things are always trickier than they look) spelling out the words L-E-R-N-E-R and O-U-T.

Oddly, however, the Aston Villa stewards were less keen on the club’s supporters backing Lerner’s corporate message in the stands on Sunday. While Villa did their bit against Tottenham Hotspur to hasten their relegation, a handful of downtrodden fans unveiled a Lerner Out bed sheet in the North Stand, prompting stewards to wade in and tell them to take it down. Whereupon the fans did and the stewards wandered off. So the fans took the sheet out again – revealing another message on its back to the effect that the chief suit Tom Fox could do a sharpish one too – and the stewards waded in again. The whole routine repeated itself several times over, providing supporters with the most entertainment they’ve had at Villa Park so far this season. Let’s face it, if you’ve a choice between watching Rudy Gestede clump shots into the crossbar from six yards out or playing cat-and-mouse with a hired goon in a hi-vis tabard, then that’s really no choice at all.

Too wordy. Photograph: Stu Forster/Getty Images

Eventually, this dignified little skit ended with one balding enforcer indulging in a spot of tug-of-war with a fan, ripping the sheet from his hands, then nearly heading down the stand’s steps on his front teeth while various fans questioned his parents’ marital status. And all because the supporters were simply reminding potential buyers that the owner wants out and Villa Park and associated assets are available for a reasonable fee, no onward chain. It was left to hapless manager Rémi Garde to offer a response. Of sorts. “I prefer to live in a world where everybody can say with respect – which is very important and what everybody has to do – but on this occasion I would say as well that nobody has to forget what happened in the past and what has been done in the past by everybody involved in this football club,” he parped, adding: “If you know what I mean.” To which the correct response was: no, no one knows what you mean because the words that have just come out of your mouth are gibberish.

Lerner pointed out in 2014, a whole year before handing Tactics Tim a contract, that “fates are fickle in the business of English football and I feel that I have pushed mine well past the limit”. Now that club security guards are preventing fans from telling Lerner to do something he actually quite wants to do, it’s probably about time for fate to deliver the Villa owner his long overdue hoof up the hole.

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QUOTE OF THE DAY

“Now, everyone’s on their phone, no one talks to anyone, they’re all looking down [at social media], seeing what others are saying about them … The more you know the world today, the more it disappoints. I don’t understand why everyone fights for power, money, fame. Has no one stopped to think that fame is $hit? That the more money you have, the more problems?” – Barcelona’s Dani Alves channels his inner Biggie in this very enjoyable interview with Sid Lowe.

Dani Alves. Photograph: Manel Chico for the Guardian

FIVER LETTERS



“Is there a reason that ‘Still Want More?’ (better Fiver layouts passim) has now become ‘Still Want More’? Seems a tad presumptuous” – Patrick Brennan.

“The biggest risk in Arsenal replacing Arsène Wenger is abject failure instead of creeping failure. Is that so much worse?” – Mike Simpson.

• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Rollover.

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BITS AND BOBS

Heurelho Gomes – Heurelho Gomes, for goodness’ sake – has taken hold of the knife Watford stuck into Arsenal on Sunday and twisted it about. “When you see Arsenal playing against big teams, they look like a small team. They don’t look like winning a title soon,” he honked.

Wolfsburg manager Klaus Allofs has fined forward Max Kruse €25,000 for gambling … gambling Allofs only found out about after it was revealed Kruse had left €75,000 of winnings from a World Series Poker event in the back of a Berlin cab. “I can only hope that there is a lesson for him and that he alters his conduct,” sniffed Allofs.

Claudio Ranieri has finally allowed himself to dream Big (Vase). “Now we are fighting to achieve the [Big Vase], you imagine [if] Leicester achieve the [Big Vase] and next season we stay in the [Big Vase]? Unbelievable. That is our goal,” he trilled.

West Ham’s Andy Carroll is setting his sights higher, for FA Cup glory and a Big Cup spot. The greedy swine. “We want both, definitely,” he cooed. “We are not going to play a weaker squad for one and stronger for the other.”

Ross County’s Alex Schalk has paid tribute to the club’s fans after his last-minute winner in the 2-1 League Cup final win over Hibs. “It’s not for me as an individual, or for anyone else as an individual. It’s for people who are Ross County fans all their lives,” he roared. “You see people crying because we won the first cup in the history of Ross County. This win is for them.”

Happy Staggies. Photograph: Mark Runnacles/Getty Images

Manchester United have avoided sanction for supporters’ chants about the Hillsborough disaster during last week’s defeat at Liverpool, with Uefa saying that there was nothing in the referee’s report about them.



Neuf was enough for PSG after winning 9-0 at Troyes to wrap up the Ligue 1 title with an 876-point lead over their nearest challengers. At least there’s a bit of interest with Zlatan Ibrahimovic, who’s doing un. “What will happen next year I do not know but for now I will not be here,” he declared.

Nottingham Forest are looking for a manager after giving Dougie Freedman the boot.

And Middlesbrough are, er, looking for a manager after Aitor Karanka walked out on the club. He may be back.

STILL WANT MORE!?

Nothing compares, nothing compares, to this truly remarkable title charge by my magical Leicester City. Gary Lineker almost gets his Sinead O’Connor on.

Sean Ingle is talking Foxes too. Not that synthpop stuff, mind, although he’s not averse to a bit of it.

Running the country. Photograph: Dominic Lipinski/PA

If you like questions such as ‘What’s the point of Alexandre Pato?’ then you may enjoy these talking points from the weekend’s FA Cup and Premier League action.

A bit like Han Solo and Chewbacca, Dele Alli and Harry Kane have a beautiful friendship [don’t go there – Fiver Sci-Fi Ed] – and it might just fire Spurs to the Premier League title, roars Barney Ronay.

Palermo’s owner, Maurizio Zamparini, is firing this season too – firing managers, loads of ‘em, writes Paolo Bandini, who can barely keep count.

Goals of the week? Goals of the week!

Old Trafford’s Teflon Don lives on, writes Jamie Jackson.

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