I noticed a funny thing about the hipsters in my neighborhood: The women dress like old men, and the men act like young girls.

I got some hate mail today! Hooray (children cheering). Check it out.

“I read your blog you loser. What a joke! Hah. Quit posting on Craigslist!”

Yes ma’am. I’ll stop teaching my men’s empowerment seminars that pay me $130 an hour and go back to bussing tables. Sorry for offending you m’lady.

Here’s why people get mad about this stuff. Let’s look at a few definitions of various words from Webster’s dictionary.

Lothario: A man who seduces women.

Womanizer: To pursue women lecherously.

Libertine: One who acts without moral restraint; a dissolute person.

Philander: 1. To carry on a sexual affair, especially an extramarital affair, with a woman one cannot or does not intend to marry. Used of a man. 2. To engage in many love affairs, especially with a frivolous or casual attitude

Rake: An immoral or dissolute person; a libertine.

Casanova: 1. A man who is amorously and gallantly attentive to women. 2. A promiscuous man; a philanderer.

Debauch: 1. a. To corrupt morally. b. To lead away from excellence or virtue. 2. To reduce the value, quality, or excellence of; debase.

Ravish: 1. To seize and carry away by force. 2. To force (another) to have sexual intercourse; rape. 3. To overwhelm with emotion; enrapture.

Don Juan: 1. A libertine; a profligate. 2. A man who is an obsessive seducer of women.

Guilty here. Yep, guilty as charged (Not the rape part, except when you pretend because many girls like that role-play stuff). I’ve banged women with no intention of marriage. I’ve led plenty of young women away from excellence and virtue. In fact, it’s all I think about as I watch their grateful lips bob up n down on my Mr.Happy. I also looooove acting without restraint.

If we all lived in a Disney movie we could be introduced to the girl of our dreams by Jimmy from the office at the staff Christmas party. She would see softness of our eyes through the candle light of five star restaurants as we dump our month’s salary on seven or eight dinners.

After three months of courtship we would lovingly embrace and make love, missionary style, softly and lovingly in one or two positions, being careful not to offend you by asking you to do crude things. We would also keep the noise down, so as not to offend the neighbours.

If we were ever rude to you, we would immediately and profusely apologize by buying you a new clothes and giving you compliments hourly on how great you are and how much we care for you.

Just to make sure you are completely happy, we would give you a gold visa card and let you shop to your heart’s content. Again, you are our everything and without you, we are incomplete. So we will do everything to make sure you never, ever, leave us. It would be impossible to ever meet a special girl ever again.

Our only catch is that you never, ever smile or talk to any other man. If you do, we will display our love by letting the other man know that we own you, like a rare gem. I will look menacingly or even threaten any man that comes anywhere near you. Because I could never find another woman…err, like you.

That’s why I always double and triple check to make sure every decision is right with you. This is after all the age where men and women are equal.

We would grow old happily, raising our children to attend the finest university we could afford and spoil them rotten so they never felt want. Because after all, hardship is scary. We don’t want that for our children.

So thank you for the email. You really helped me see the light about how dating dozens of beautiful, vibrant women and having care free adventure is wrong and immoral. After all, women are definitely unable to make their own decisions about who they sleep with. And all they really want is a “nice guy.”

Yours truly.

Tony D.

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