“I know… I miss you too.” Emberlynn confessed softly, pressing the phone even closer to her ear as she took a seat on Xander’s couch. No, OUR couch now. She corrected herself. It had already been almost two weeks since she’d arrived in Paris, but Emberlynn was still getting used to living there with him. “And I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner. I just needed time.” She continued. “This whole thing has kinda turned my whole freaking world upside down.”

“No kidding.” Zelda replied apologetically. She was being so much more understanding than Emberlynn had anticipated — something she was incredibly grateful for. It made her feel so foolish for not reaching out sooner. “I’m sorry you have to go through all this. It fucking sucks.”

“It does.” She agreed sadly. Long gone were the days of feeling stranded in the middle of Sucksville. This time, Emberlynn had discovered a full-blown Sucksopolis. Ugh. “I still don’t know who I feel worse for though… myself or Papa.” Emberlynn admitted.

“Poor Onkel Phee… It’s really bad, Ember.” Zelda admitted almost guiltily. “I wish you’d come home and see him. I know it’s still hard. And I think it’s great you’re at least talking to him now…”

Emberlynn sighed. “But?” She asked, already knowing what was coming.

She could almost picture the way her cousin was biting her lip as she replied. “He’s so lonely. He’s practically living with Dad and Papa now. Every time I call or go over there lately, he’s there too.”

“He is?” Emberlynn asked. Tristan had never mentioned that when she talked to him. But then, from what she understood, he’d been spending as little time in the house as he could now. She was worried about her brother — he seemed to be distancing himself from her parents almost as much as she was. But then, could she really blame him?

“Yeah. Dad and Papa have been trying really hard to keep him distracted and stuff. Lots of video games and D&D, but…” Zelda paused to let out a sigh. “He’s really hurting.”

“Of course he is!” Emberlynn felt herself growing angry — but not at her cousin. “After what that bitch did to him…”

“Ember, come on!” Zelda’s voice was pained. “I know what she did was awful… But Tante Gigi’s still your Mama. You shouldn’t call her names like that.”

“Yeah, well she shouldn’t have lied!”

“I know…”

Emberlynn sighed. There was no excuse to take her frustrations out on Zelda. “Sorry, Z.”

“It’s alright.” Her cousin assured her gently. “I get it. I really do. I just wish you’d at least think about visiting Onkel Phee? And I’m here whenever you need to talk, okay?”

“Thanks… It means a lot.” Emberlynn replied seriously. “I really miss you.” She knew she’d already told Zelda that twice during their conversation, but she felt the urge to tell her again.

“Me too…” Zelda paused for a moment before continuing. “Do you know when you’re coming home?” She asked almost nervously. “For good, I mean.”

It was Emberlynn’s turn to hesitate this time. “I don’t know… I’m still not even sure if I am coming back.” She admitted.

The phone crackled slightly at the sound of Zelda’s sigh. “I was afraid of that. Where do you think you’re gonna go?”

Emberlynn shrugged, though she knew her friend could not see her. “I’ve been looking at some grad schools in the US.” It was the first time she’d told anyone but Xander about her plans. “Figure I might as well try and finish my degree eventually.”

Zelda did not sound surprised by this answer. “Well, just promise me that you’ll actually say goodbye this time before you decide to pack up and leave?”

“I will.” Emberlynn promised. As she spoke, the sound of the opening apartment door reached her ears. Xander’s editing workshop must have finished early that day. “I’ve gotta go, Z. But it was really great talking to you.”

“You too. Maybe this means you’ll actually pick up the next time I call?”

“I will. Don’t worry.”

“Good.” She could almost hear the smile in Zelda’s voice. “Love you, Ember.”

“Love you too.”

“Oh! And tell Xander I loooooved his new video!” Zelda added excitedly. “He needs to do more of those Disney covers. It was amazing!”

Emberlynn laughed softly, suddenly missing her cousin more than ever. “I’m pretty sure he saw your comments… But I’ll be sure to let him know. Later, Z.”

As she hung up the phone and returned it to her pocket, Xander took a seat beside her on the couch. “Zelda?” He asked her almost hopefully.

Emberlynn nodded. “She says she loved the new video, by the way.”

“Good… I know people eat that Disney shit up.” He replied with a small chuckle. “Maybe I can finally reach half a million subs if I keep it up.”

“That would be amazing!”

Xander shrugged. “Yeah, well, we’ll see if I get lucky.” He paused for a moment. “I’m really glad you decided to finally call her back, by the way.” He continued seriously, switching the conversation back to Zelda. “I know you’ve been missing her like crazy.”

“I have.” Emberlynn admitted. “It was nice talking to her, even if it wasn’t the most uplifting conversation in the world…”

Xander rose slowly to his feet. “Wanna go for a walk and tell me about it?” He offered kindly. “It’s gorgeous out there today. And maybe we can grab some lunch on the way back?”

Emberlynn nodded gratefully, eager for the chance to get out of the house. She was already starting to get a bit stir-crazy. She’d done little but write in her journal and fiddle around on her sewing machine ever since she’d arrived. “Sounds good to me. Gucci…” She switched over to German then, though she knew her cat could not truly understand what she was saying. “You guard the place for me and Xander, okay?”

Gucci gave a soft meow and hopped off the couch in response. He’d been adjusting so well to the move — much better than Emberlynn had anticipated. At least that was one thing in her life that was going well right now… That, and Xander. And I guess that’s all I really need, huh?

“Later, little guy!” Xander gave the cat a quick scratch behind the ears before following Emberlynn to the door.

Just as he’d said, it was a beautiful day — sunny and breezy, but comfortable. Spring had finally begun to return, it seemed.

They walked together toward one of their favorite spots — a quiet and beautiful park just a few blocks down from the apartment. As they made their way down the sidewalk, Emberlynn told Xander about her conversation with Zelda.

“Shit. Maybe she’s right…” Xander said almost guiltily as Emberlynn explained her father’s current emotional state. “I mean, it has been like… what? A month and a half now? Maybe you should go see your dad…”

“I know I should… You’re right.” Emberlynn replied, the resignation apparent in her voice. She knew seeing her Papa in person was the right thing to do, but every time he had hinted at wanting to see her, she’d changed the subject or dodged the question entirely.

“I miss him so much, and there’s so much we need to talk about that we can’t really say over the phone…” She paused, shrugging helplessly. “But even thinking about seeing him in person is just like, so overwhelming, you know? And I‘m not sure if I can go back to Windenburg yet. I don’t think I’m ready… Maybe I never will be.”

“I know.” Xander replied. That was a conversation they’d had more than once before.

“And that’s what I told Z too.” Emberlynn confessed. “I let her know I’ve been thinking about going back to school in the US.”

Xander looked slightly nervous as she mentioned this. “Uh oh… How did she take it?”

“Surprisingly well.” Emberlynn replied, her words visibly relieving him. “She almost sounded like she’d been expecting it.”

“Well… that’s good then.” He replied. They both took a seat on one of the park’s benches. “As long as you’re still sure that’s what you want.”

“It is.” She assured him, smiling. “I’ve gotta get away from all this crap… And I wanna be with you when I do. Wherever you go, I’ll be there.”

Xander leaned forward to give her a quick kiss. “I love you so much.” He told her. “Just promise me you haven’t been applying to any schools on the East Coast?” He asked half-jokingly as he pulled away. “I’m still not sure where I’m headed after graduation, but I wanna be as far away from Brindleton Bay as possible.”

Emberlynn nodded in understanding. She knew that he felt the same way about his mother as she did about hers. “Don’t worry… I knew you’d wanna get away too.”

Xander smiled gratefully. “Just wish it didn’t have to be this way.” Despite his smile, his voice was somber and sad as he spoke. “And you know what the worst part is?”

“What?”

“I know I shouldn’t, but… God, I miss her.” He said it as though he were admitting some sort of dark and shameful secret. “I know it’s only been like a month since I saw her. I know she lied to me my whole fucking life. It’s terrible. And I should hate her guts or something, shouldn’t I?” Xander shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m mad as hell, and I’m not sure if I can ever trust her again, but… I just… Miss my Mom.”

Emberlynn let out a small sigh. “Don’t tell anybody this, but… I miss mine too.” It was the first time she’d expressed that thought anywhere — even in her journal. “I miss my Mama and… And I hate how wrong it feels to miss her. It shouldn’t be this way… None of this should be this way!” As before, she felt some of the anger and bitterness inside her bubble its way to the surface.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Xander replied soothingly. The sound of his voice was enough to calm her slightly. “You’re right. It shouldn’t be this way. But it is. And there’s nothing we can do about it now.”

“I know… I just wish I didn’t miss her like this. It’d be easier if I could just hate her.” Emberlynn replied sadly. “And I feel even worse because… This makes NO sense, I know, but… I think I miss her even more than I miss Papa.”

“Really?”

She nodded. “I dunno… Maybe it’s because I’m finally talking to him again? I haven’t talked to Mama since… You know.” Emberlynn could still remember the last thing she’d said to her: ‘I never want to see you again.’ That was over a month ago now, and so far, Emberlynn had gotten her wish.

“I know… I haven’t talked to mine either.” Xander hesitated for a moment before continuing. “But, um, speaking of talking to your Papa… I still kinda wanna talk to him too.” He confessed. “I mean like, maybe we give it a little more time, or whatever? And I know you aren’t ready to go back yet. But I was thinking maybe the next time you guys talk, you could ask him if, uh… If he maybe wants to come visit, or something?” Xander’s discomfort was visible on his face as he spoke. “I’m sorry. I know this is super fucking weird.”

“This whole situation falls under the ‘super fucking weird’ category.” Emberlynn assured him. She had to admit, it was still… bizarre knowing that her own Papa was somehow her boyfriend’s long-lost father. It was nearly impossible to wrap her head around it, and she usually tried her best to just not think about it. Otherwise, things started feeling too weird.

She tried her best to hide her discomfort as she continued.

“But I understand. You’ve been waiting your whole life to meet him. And when you finally did, it was under the most fucked-up circumstances imaginable.” For a moment, she almost laughed at the ridiculousness of it all. “You’re really lucky, you know.”

Xander’s brow furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Being related to him.” She replied seriously. “My Papa, he’s… he’s just the best. He’s kind and patient and so funny… Even if he tells the lamest jokes in the world.” Emberlynn laughed, despite the tears that had begun rolling down her cheeks. “He’s an amazing person. And you’re really lucky that he’s your Dad.” She hastily wiped her tears away as she finished speaking.

“Yeah, except he’s not.” Xander shook his head. “He’s my father, sure, but not my dad. I already have Jorden… He’s my Dad. The best one I could ask for. Plus, you’re forgetting I have two step-dads too. Trust me, that’s plenty of dads already. I don’t need another one.” He smiled for a moment before continuing, his face serious once more. “And besides, Phoenix is already your Dad. You know that hasn’t changed, right?”

She nodded. “I know.” Emberlynn still loved Phoenix just as much as she ever had. Maybe even more. “Things just feel so different now, I guess. It’s hard. But… you’re right. He’s still my Papa. And nothing’s gonna change that.” Even just saying the words out loud helped her to feel a little bit better. “Thanks for not letting me forget that.”

“Of course.” Xander smiled warmly at her. “But, uh, even though he’s not my dad… I do wanna maybe get to know him a little better.” He confessed awkwardly, his smile fading. “Just like, talk to him or whatever… Maybe ask him a few questions and stuff?”

“I get it, don’t worry.” Emberlynn assured him. As strange as this whole thing still was, she knew how much getting to know Phoenix would mean to him. “And I could give you his number or something if you wanna call him? Or… Or I guess maybe I can ask him if he wants to come visit. I’ve been putting that off long enough, I guess.” She admitted reluctantly. “As long as he comes alone. And stops begging me call to Mama every time he talks to me.” She clarified. As much as she loved Phoenix, she was growing tired of his constant pleas that she talk to her mother.

“He still won’t drop it?” Xander asked. “But… why?”

A soft sigh passed Emberlynn’s lips. “Because like I told you, he’s a good person. Too good, sometimes.” She shook her head. “But he doesn’t understand. I can’t talk to Mama again. I don’t even know if I can look at her. Not after what she did. I just can’t.”

And that was when Emberlynn suddenly realized — she knew exactly why she missed her mother more than her father. Why she felt that deep sense of something akin to mourning whenever she thought of her…

Because, despite the shocking truth Emberlynn had learned, it wasn’t her father whom she had truly lost.

——————————-

Note: Just as a heads up, school starts again Monday for me. I still plan on keeping 2 chapters a week til the end of the gen (I’ll let you know if that changes though!), but the one change you’ll notice (if you’re someone who likes to catch the chapters early!) is my Wednesday chapters will now publish later in the day (11:15EST), which is a few hours later than they have been posted during the summer. Saturday chapters will still be a few hours earlier than that 🙂

Thanks!