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Ryan Hilinski (Nic Lucero/Rivals.com)

ATLANTA - Even in death, even after experiencing unspeakable tragedy, Ryan Hilinski has found hope and determination. Hilinski’s brother, Tyler, a quarterback at Washington State, committed suicide on Jan. 16 in Pullman. According to Hilinski’s parents, Mark and Kym, on a Today Show appearance in recent days, an autopsy performed at the Mayo Clinic showed the presence of chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) in Hilinski’s brain. On Wednesday in Atlanta at the Rivals100 Five-Star Challenge presented by adidas media day, Hilinski opened up about why he still loves playing football, why he relishes talking about a hardship of unimaginable proportions and why his brother’s suicide has emboldened him to be his best, to live his life to the fullest. “A lot of people ask me, ‘Don’t you get tired of talking about it sometimes?’ " Hilinski said. “I’ll never get tired of talking about Tyler and all the good media that’s come of it. The article for Sports Illustrated the other day and my parents were on the Today Show and then they flew out here and met me at the airport. “I’ll never get tired of it because it gives Tyler a good name, it gives our family a good name and it just means his name is living on like he’s still here and a lot of people are not forgetting about mental illness and a lot of people are more aware of it so it’s pretty amazing.”

The Hilinski’s Hope foundation was created after the suicide in part to educate, advocate and destigmatize mental illness, according to its web site. It’s also a way for Ryan Hilinski to remember his brother, and for the family to find a glimmer of positivity in something so Earth-shattering.

“I find it hardest when I’m alone and I do simple things like play Fortnite by myself or make a McDonald’s run because I would usually do that with Tyler when he’s home during the summer,” Hilinski said. “When I think about it, I don’t really talk about it in public but when I do talk about it that helps a lot. It helps me emotionally stay stable, mentally stay stable, and I have so many support systems. “I’ve had numerous times where I’ve cried. I’ve gone through that hard, initial period where it’s, ‘OK, he’s gone. I can’t do anything about it.’ But now I can do something about it on the football field and off the football field with Hilinski’s Hope. “It definitely hit me and it still hits me to this day. There are times when I’ll sit down and I’m like, ‘Oh, crap.’ It’s probably going to hit me for years to come. I’ll have a lot of those moments but those are growth moments. Those shaped me into who I am today because I know after Tyler passed, there are a lot of great things that have come out of it. I’ve progressed as a football player a lot and he’s helped me on the field. He just gives me that extra motivation to be that top guy. When I say I can’t do something, I think of him and I go do it. He did everything he could and I can do it, too.”

Ryan Hilinski (Nick Lucero/Rivals.com)

After Hilinski’s passing and especially after the autopsy report cited CTE, the family discussed whether the four-star quarterback from Orange (Calif.) Lutheran, who’s committed to South Carolina, should keep playing football. Was the risk of potential brain injury, or any serious injury for that matter, worth it to Hilinski especially considering the circumstances? The family talked and Hilinski’s answer was a resounding yes. He would not give up the game he loved. “I have a support system and I know if something feels off I can go to people and say here’s what’s wrong,” Hilinski said. “It was a defining factor. It doesn’t scare me at all. “I have that extra motivation. If I quit now I’m quitting on Tyler. I don’t want to quit at all. If I did quit, or if my parents said, ‘You have to quit,’ I’d be quitting on Tyler and I don’t want to do that. I’m focused on being myself, doing what I love, doing what Tyler loved and just carrying on both of our dreams. “My parents sat me down and my older brother Kelly sat me down and said, ‘Look, you’re going to be great, you’re going to do all these great things but you have to listen to this. Is this something you actually want to do?’ I thought for two days about it and people asked me about it. It scared me a little bit at first and I said, ‘I don’t want to get that (CTE) at all.’ "But then I thought Tyler wouldn’t want me to quit, he’d want me to be careful, he would want me to tell people if I was going through something. But if I quit, I’m quitting on him and it’s something I don’t want to do.” Nearly half a year has passed since his brother’s suicide but Hilinski remembers those dreadful days with great clarity. The four-star quarterback tells of the day his life changed forever: “I was sleeping. My mom came into my room and she was breathing really hard and I asked if she was sick. I had a workout and she said, ‘No, just go to your workout.’ So I went to my workout. She didn’t know (about the suicide) yet but Tyler wasn’t answering his phone, my brother Kelly was calling her and said he didn’t know what was wrong but something was wrong, we knew that. “I went to my workout and I got a call from Kelly. I missed the call, and then I got a text from him that said, ‘Go home to mom. You need to go and be with her.’ I asked what was wrong and I got a text from Kelly that said he was dead. “I’m looking at my phone and it was terrible how he did it but I love him for it because I wouldn’t want to talk to him about it because we wouldn’t know what to say which is probably better.”

Tyler Hilinski (AP Images)