Dear Tomi Lahren,

What’s going on?

Please believe me when I tell you that you don’t actually want to grow up to be Ann Coulter. You’re still so young, all hope isn’t lost yet. Since “the feminist movement has become passively-aggressively “anti-men” as you so succinctly put it, why don’t you toss some affirmative action my way and listen to this oppressed man’s two-cents on why you need to relax a little.

I know that many of my fellow ‘snowflakes’ may not be able to see past your tough exterior and harsh condemnations of all the causes we hold dear. We were divided over whether Trevor Noah ‘normalized’ or ‘destroyed’ you on his show, and we often ask each other whether we’ve seen your latest ‘Final Thoughts’, laughing incredulously at your acerbic, angry rants. Tossing you in the same bin as the Bill O’Reillys and Rush Limbaughs of the world, we’ve gotten so used to you that we’re almost done caring so much about whatever you happen to be yelling about. But before that happens, I just wanted to reach out — I wanted to ask if everything is alright?

Because something tells me you don’t actually want us to stop caring, in fact just about everything about the way you present yourself tells me that. Your entire public personality is rooted in being a sensationalist, reactionary pundit who would never admit that you’re more dependent on your critics than you are your fans. Just look at Google search trends for your name — you’ve never generated a fraction of the interest on your own that you did by appearing on Trevor Noah, proving that your popularity is only based on your ability to piss off liberal snowflakes.

That’s great and all, but without your own choir to preach to then I wouldn’t count on reaching anywhere near the pundit-status you clearly seek. I’m not asking you to come to the dark side like Elizabeth Warren or Leon Panetta, just to take a step back and try to take an objective look at what you’re doing. Honestly I just want to know, why are you so angry Tomi? Did your parents used to yell about politics over the dinner table? Do you wish you lived in the 1950s and not these crazy, topsy-turvy times? (because there are people who do that)

When you yell about the anti-men feminist movement with the audacity to hold a march against a bunch of “well dressed men”, as you call the President and his peers, it honestly just makes me wonder what’s going on inside your head. Do you really believe all of the hyperbolic, hastily strung together words that fly out of your mouth at such a rapid-fire pace? Or, and this is my theory, are those hyper-neo-conservative rants just the only formula you’ve managed to figure out that get you any attention?

Regardless, as I said I’m not asking anything extreme or for you to abandon your convictions, but the one piece of advice I’ll leave you with is this: capitalize on the moment you’ve created for yourself. Obviously that’s a stretch, but I figured I ought to at least try to end on a positive note — you studied journalism in college so why not use your platform to inform people about the news instead of just bloviating about it? Megyn Kelly was smart enough to ditch Fox, so why not try to be more like her instead of cementing your legacy as white-power Barbie or Ann Coulter 2.0?

Sincerely,

A Concerned Snowflake