Dammit! How the hell are there 10 people here already? Crap crap crap. The flier said there was only 10 of the good plasma TVs at the stupid low price. And I bet every one of these turdnecks in front of me gets one.

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How can you soulless bastards sleep at night, knowing you're

the reason I'm forced watch standard-definition porn?

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Screw you, world. Screw you for making me pathetic enough to be here at 11 p.m., but not pathetic enough to be here at 10. It's just the exact wrong amount of patheticness to have. A bit less, and I would start owning shoes with laces and making friends again. A bit more, and I would start qualifying for government aid.

So, what exactly am I still doing here? There's nothing else in there that I actually need. I don't want to go in there and start instinctively buying shiny things, like some kind of magpie. I swear, if I come out of here with a goddamn Blu-ray player, I will shoot myself in the lung.

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For that matter, do I actually need this television? Will my life be better for having it? I can't think of anyone who would actually be impressed by this. I bet if I tried to tell my grandchildren about this one day, they would just leave the room.