Remainer delighted that Article 50 won’t be triggered as easily as he is

A “Bremainer” has expressed relief that the exit from the EU won’t get fired up as quickly as he does.

Simon Williams- a 24-year-old Euro-loving, non-poppy wearing, Channel 4-watching, non-drinking, non-smoking, beta-male of a vegan and probably still a virgin- voted “Remain” in the now infamous EU referendum.

“And I’ve been banging on about it ever since,” declared Williams, proudly thumping his chest and then having to sit down, having inadvertently winded himself.

“It only takes the mere sniff of a UKIP-esque comment on a referendum-themed comment thread and I’m all over it like the rash I currently have on my inner thigh.

“Of course I don’t argue with anyone who looks like they might be clever. I only engage in arguments that I will definitely win. I’m not stupid you know.

“So thank God Article 50 won’t be triggered quite as easily as my babbling, snooty, liberal vitriol. Shove that sovereignty up your pipe and get over it, you bunch of xenophobic ignoramuses.

“It is ignoramuses, you know. Lots of people reckon it’s ‘ignorami’ but it isn’t.

“Do you know any girls? Can you introduce me to one?”