Continue Reading Below Advertisement

Do I have a better idea? No, not really. I just want you to stop indirectly pooping on me. I don't feel I'm out of line here.

And some of the ways you think you're being clean are seriously misguided. Ladies, I don't mean to pick on you here, but you do have the biggest problem with this. Women will put a layer of toilet paper down on the seat, and that will get used a few times. Then, it will get soaked with piss, so they'll put another layer down. You eventually end up with a 20-layer ring of toilet paper soaked with piss. I don't mean to judge, but this does seem counterproductive. I think I would rather sit on the toilet in Trainspotting at that point.

Miramax Films

At least it looks dried.

Continue Reading Below Advertisement

Still, I'll clean that up no problem -- you get desensitized real quick in this job -- but, sometimes, people physically will not let me. Remember, we're having to clean these throughout the day (otherwise, they'll start overflowing fast), and that means interrupting someone who may have urgent business. That's even harder than it sounds.

The traditional single stalls aren't that bad because we just cut in line, but, if we're doing a big event, we sometimes use these 12-stall trailers (that's how you know it's a class affair, when you get to hear other people pissing next to you). But, unless we're lucky enough to have a woman on staff that day (it's a bit of a sausage fest in the shit-mopping industry, for some reason), we'll have to close down the entire women's trailer to clean it because women tend to freak out about a man in their pants-less area.