Quick! Dig into those couch cushions, sneak into the kids room and hack into their phones for their Bitcoin addresses, open a front-lawn gluten-free shaming station to fine passersby for not wearing Pride pins. Do anything!

“Dear friends, time is running out!”

That’s not me. That’s Pope Francis. The (second) exclamation point is Vatican-stamped official. Hence our urgency.

Don’t let it be said the Holy Father is a rank, unthinking alarmist and that he doesn’t have a sense of humor about the subject, for he opened his latest speech on “climate change” with the words, “I extend a warm welcome to all of you on the occasion of this Dialogue…”

It’s true that without carbon dioxide there would be no (as in none) plant life, and that plants are almost completely made of CO2 and water, and that the more CO2 there is the better plants do, and that it is impossible carbon dioxide is a pollutant, that therefore we ought to ban, tax, and regulate carbon dioxide because a “radical energy transition is needed to save our common home.”

The implication is clear. If we don’t have this radical energy transition, our common home will be destroyed. “This is no exaggeration,” says Francis. This is a “climate emergency.”

We therefore have to fork it over to the Tom Steyers of the world who are selling hideously expensive global warming “solutions”, like those enormous pin wheels that make the land look like it has leprosy. Still, just as we are forced to suffer gazing at award-winning architectural monstrosities so that the feelings of the elite aren’t hurt, we’ll have to learn not to squint when we walk by these vertical food processors whirling above us. If we don’t, the planet is doomed.

That the Tom Steyers of the world grow rich saving the planet, and we grow poorer, is a price we should gratefully pay.

In that same way, we must, as the Pope said a few years back, and as he echoed in his new speech, back a one-world government. Even if a one-world government doesn’t reduce global warming, think of the savings in paperclips alone as the bureaucracies of the world unite.

Many have heard the Pope on this question. Here is something from one of the usual suspects: “Open Borders Must Be Part of Any Response to the Climate Crisis” with the horrifying subtitle “The alternative is the death of millions and a world fractured by nationalism.”

Open borders are a theorem of one-world government.

“Borders, like nations, present themselves as natural and eternal. They are neither, but movement is. Humans have been on the move for hundreds of thousands, perhaps even millions of years.”

Except for certain countries, of course, the writer advocates opening all borders.

Some of the individuals who have profited most from the creation of the climate crisis are the same ones demanding that the fictional boundaries that disfigure the planet be reinforced with a violence that is all too real.

By “all too real” he means “imagined.” But the imagination is powerful, a place where the most insane things can happen. So it’s racist not to open borders. Anything short of that is to “rehabilitate the concentration camp as a viable form of housing for children.”

Corporations, which are everywhere merging into government, should not be neglected when considering who gets our money. Here is an item from the New York Post (print edition): “Meal Threat to Climate.”

Home-delivered meal kits come wrapped in layers of plastic, but they may be better for the Earth than those that are home-cooked. A new study finds that shopping for and cooking your own meals produces 33 percent more greenhouse-gas emissions than ordering prepacked meals kits.

Yes, you’ll save money and live healthier and longer by cooking your own food from raw ingredients. But if you pay the 1,000%-or-so markup to have your chemical-laced meal “kits” home delivered, you’ll save the planet!

It is not a coincidence that your money goes to a woke corporation. Corporations hire experts. Experts, by definition, know more than you do about the kind of food you should eat. They’ll use the funds for good. They want to save the planet more than you do. Why? Because woke corporations are earnest.

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