Amanda Lindhout wept openly on the stand at her kidnapper's sentencing hearing today, describing the horrors of being held captive in war-torn Somalia and how the lingering effects of that experience left her emotionally crippled.

Lindhout, who was led into the witness box by her psychologist, took several minutes to find the composure to read her victim's impact statement to an Ottawa courtroom.

She said her 15 months in captivity left her suicidal, struggling with intense feelings of hopelessness and anxiety. It took her years to find a suitable therapist to help her cope with her symptoms of severe anxiety and anti-social behaviour. She has been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder. She said she still wakes up screaming.

"I hit the bottom when I Googled possible ways to end my life painlessly," Lindhout said through tears in the witness box.

"For years ... I couldn't believe I was free, often sure I was dreaming, and that I would wake up back in captivity with chains on my ankles in a dark room.

A legacy of fear

"For many years ... I felt dead and that being in the world was an alien experience. I know the symptom is rooted to a knife being held to my neck in captivity and believing I was going to die.

"Flashbacks happen involuntarily, it's as though I am reliving my experience and I don't understand it's not happening in real time. It's incredibly scary."

Lindhout also bears physical scars from the torture she endured at the hands of Somali terrorists.

Because she was malnourished for so long, her digestive system is "compromised," she said. Her adrenal glands required two years of therapy to fix. Her teeth, she said, were left a "broken mess" after her release.

She also has faced unwanted attention from men online who are obsessed with kidnappings and "female hostage" sexual scenarios.

"I have been subjected to countless frightening messages threatening my safety, objectifying my body and victim-blaming."

Lindhout said that, despite the trauma of her experience, she has found it in her heart to forgive Ali Omar Ader, the man convicted in December for his role in her kidnapping.

"I am the victim but I am also the survivor," she said.

The court also heard from Nigel Brennan, the Australian photojournalist who was traveling with Lindhout in Somalia and was also held captive.

Brennan, his voice breaking as he read his statement, said he also has suffered greatly as a result of Ader's actions. He sought to correct the record, telling the court that, despite some reports, it was his family that paid all of the ransom to secure release for both Lindhout and himself. He said it was his sister who negotiated the payment that led to their freedom.

Somali kidnap victim Nigel Brennan discusses his victim impact statement during the sentencing hearing of Ali Omar Ader 0:33

Brennan said the experience has taken a toll on his friendship with Lindhout. The two haven't spoken in some seven years and avoided speaking to one another, at least publicly, while together in the same courtroom Wednesday.

Brennan said he now seeks closure for the terrible ordeal that has rocked his family life.

Still, he asked the judge to show Ader some "leniency" as he considers a sentence, as life in prison would be a "waste of life."

"I believe that forgiveness is the one thing that will keep humanity moving forward," he said. "I no longer have hatred in my heart, nor feel ill will toward Mr. Ader."

Plea for forgiveness

Ader delivered his own statement and pleaded for forgiveness from Lindhout and Brennan.

"I am so sorry [for] what I have done. I am not that bad guy in 2008–2009. That my first fault as a human and also my last. I am changed," he said. "I want to express to you how deeply sorry and how deeply and sincerely I want forgiveness before I get punished by Allah, by God."

He said his children in Somalia are suffering while he sits in a Canadian prison.

"My request to you is to give me back my freedom … so I can support my whole family," he said.

Ader said he is not an extremist or a terrorist sympathizer, despite his past ties to the jihadist group that captured Lindhout and Brennan.

Ali Omar Ader listens to translation during his sentencing hearing for the kidnapping of Amanda Lindhout Wednesday. After Lindhout and Nigel Brennan, the Australian photojournalist held captive in Somalia with her, read emotional victim impact statements, Ader also spoke, saying he was "changed" and asking for forgiveness. (Lauren Foster-MacLeod for CBC)

Samir Adam, Ader's lawyer, maintained that while his client's conduct was "reprehensible," Ader was not the kidnapping mastermind depicted by the Crown during the trial.

Ader has shown remorse: lawyer

"No human being should have to go through the horrors of what Ms. Lindhout and Mr. Brennan went through," Adam said.

"His conduct is reprehensible and deserves severe sanctions from this court … but his role and involvement place him at the lower end of the spectrum in terms of moral culpability."

Adam said his client has shown remorse, has no history of criminality and was "gainfully employed" before his arrest, and so should be sentenced to no more than 10 to 12 years for his actions.

The Crown, Croft Michaelson, disagreed, saying nothing short of 15 to 18 years in prison would be appropriate as a sentence for Ader.

In his final submission, Michaelson noted that it was Ader who made the ransom demands, acted as the negotiator, communicated threats to Lindhout's mother, filmed a hostage video he later sent to Al Jazeera TV, helped move both Lindhout and Brennan to filthy homes and did nothing to help the hostages while they were subjected to physical and sexual abuse.

Ader stood by while Lindhout drank mosquito larvae-infested water while holed up in solitary confinement, he said. And he did all of this for money, receiving $10,000 U.S. for his work, Michaelson added.



Ader, he said, is guilty of a "despicable species of a crime — kidnapping," and must be held accountable through significant prison time.

The crime of hostage-taking carries a penalty of seven years to life in prison. The judge will sentence Ader on June 18 at 10 a.m.