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SENIOR advisors to Met Eireann have issued dire traffic warnings for the entire country this evening, after initial reports stating ‘there’s no way that snow will lie’, were upgraded to a confirmation that if it freezes tonight, the roads will be ‘like pure glass’.

Malachy Gratton, 87, and Sean Og O’Marragh, 92, made the prediction at Met Eireann headquarters tonight after an evening of looking out the window at the sleet and snow as it fell, backed up by reports from a crack team of aul lads from across the country who reported that the snow was ‘getting heavy enough’, where they were too.

As the country settled down for an evening of updating social media as to how much snow was falling outside, Gratton and O’Marragh got to work ringing every single man, woman and child in the county to warn them about the state of the roads, urging everyone to ‘take her handy’ as the roads are almost certain to be ‘fucking lethal’.

“‘Hello, hello, here listen, come here ’till I tell you, watch them roads in the morning, if it freezes on yon show the roads’ll be a tarra’,” said Gratton, chief member of the Met Eireann Aul Boy Early Intervention Team (MEABEIT), speaking on the phone to a son of Mary McLennon’s brother-in-law, not the one that’s in Canada now, the one that has the farm out past Conlon’s cross.

“The main roads might get a bit of grit, but them back roads will be fierce deadly dangerous. No, you don’t know me at all, I’m just ringing to say mind yourself, alright now, I have a few more lads to ring, you minds yourself, right you be now, g’luck g’luck g’luck now, bye, bye, b-b-b-bye”.

The MEABEIT squad also confirmed that you’d need your Weetabix in the morning lads, you’ll need your Weetabix in the morning.