This is a tall person’s world. The average height for Americans is between 5’4” and 5’9” but still shelves are being made too high, pant legs too long, and restaurant tables at heights that when you sit down they comes up to your chest which is a very weird level to try and eat at. Society caters to the vertically gifted and I am sick of it. They’ve had it TOO GOOD for TOO LONG.

As if everyday life wasn’t already annoying enough for those on the shorter side, summer is now here which means it’s about to get even worse. Summer should be a time we all look forward to, a time filled with activities and events that let you unwind and shed the stresses that build up throughout the rest of the year. Things like outdoor concerts! Which you can only see if you’re tall. Or how about taking advantage of ice cream vendors along the boardwalks or cool pop-up restaurants? Well how are you supposed to see the menu at the front of the line if you’re not tall. Or checking out street festivals or block parties? Good luck being able to see where the hell you even are among that mass of people unless you’re tall.

All those tall, smug bastards of the world have a gangly leg up on the rest of us when it comes to enjoying summer (THEY’RE EVEN CLOSER TO THE GODDAMN SUN) and this has gone on for long enough! But never fear, my fun-sized friends, for there is a solution.

PERISCOPE. GLASSES.

YES. THIS IS REAL.

Well, kind of.

There’s only one pair and they were created by designer Dominic Wilcox in an effort to solve everyday problems, but if these were made available to the public imagine how quickly they would fly off the shelves. As long as they’re the lower shelves. The shelves we can all actually reach. BUT STILL, THESE WOULD FLY OFF OF THEM.

These glasses allow the wearer to see things from ONE FOOT ABOVE THEIR EYE LEVEL and I need a pair immediately. IMAGINE HOW POWERFUL WE WOULD ALL BECOME IF WE COULD SEE ABOVE CROWDS. IMAGINE.

Tall people — your days in the sun are numbered.