“Noooooooo,” my cry echoed down Sawtelle Blvd. Not another parking ticket. I was only in the store for a “few minutes.” Really, I promise.

Standing on the curb alone, I cursed the parking meter and the cold-hearted dime who had run out on me. But mostly, I cursed the stealthy traffic officer who got me good.

That’s when the light bulb—the maybe-this-was-my-fault light bulb—turned on that, for many Millennials, remains dark for months on end. Maybe, just maybe, the traffic officer who cited me for my expired meter was simply doing his or her job, and did not deserve to be scapegoated for my ineptitude.

I wanted to meet one of these parking personnel to put a face to the demonized stereotype. So, I got in touch with (LADOT) to schedule a ride-along in a parking enforcement vehicle. No, Kevin Hart and Ice Cube were not present, but LADOT traffic officer Andre Smith, who grew up in South LA and served in the military prior to working for the city, debunked some common parking myths and provided tips on how to avoid getting a parking ticket in Los Angeles. Los Angeles Department of Transportation (LADOT) to schedule a ride-along in a parking enforcement vehicle. No, Kevin Hart and Ice Cube were not present, but LADOT traffic officer Andre Smith, who grew up in South LA and served in the military prior to working for the city, debunked some common parking myths and provided tips on how to avoid getting a parking ticket in Los Angeles.

Let me alleviate some common misconceptions off the bat:

No, there is not a parking enforcement app that tells traffic personnel when specific meters expire.

No, you shouldn’t put a bag on a broken meter, nor should you believe that an already bagged meter is broken.

No, those pay stations on Larchmont, in Santa Monica and on Hollywood Blvd. don’t have sensors that wipe time credit clean when each vehicle leaves (yet).

No, they DON’T have quotas, contradictory to LA Weekly’s report.

And no, traffic officers are not maniacal sadists who get off by giving tickets.

For an hour and a half, I had the opportunity to step into the shoes (or parking enforcement vehicle) of TO Smith as he made rounds in his squad area of Hollywood, Koreatown and beyond. Lucky for me, Lieutenant Kimmi Porter and Sergeant Toni Bowie, came along for the ride as well to impart ticket-dodging tips and banish common myths.

Meet Traffic Officer Andre Smith

1. Myth: Officers have no soul

Ever caught an officer in the act and you begged for mercy, only to be cold-heartedly denied? It’s a common misconception that if a traffic officer issues a citation as the vehicle owner returns to the vehicle, she or he has the power to withdraw the ticket if they are feeling especially altruistic.

Traffic Officer Smith : The “ticket” is when I enter the license plate. That’s the point of no return. So when you have people coming out and contesting the ticket or they're upset because they just arrived the same time I arrived, the fact that I'm writing the ticket is because your plate has already been entered.

2. Myth: Pay and walk away

While it might be tempting to swipe your card in the meter and walk away while it still reads “authorizing …,” don’t. Patience is a virtue. A) your card might not be authorized and B) once your card is authorized, the smart meter will tell you the exact time your meter will expire.

TO Smith: I think that’s one of the biggest misconceptions people have: they just think they can park, pay the meter and then walk away, no problem—without a time limit. You can only stay at that meter for however long the time limit is ... Let's say an hour, two hours, whatever.

3. Myth: Your tire can legally be in the red zone

By law, no portion of the vehicle can be in the red zone, but there’s a bit of room for officer discretion—usually an officer will only cite you if your entire tire or more is in the red.

Where else is there room for officer discretion?

TO Smith : Let's say a vehicle has got a long truck bed, I'm not gonna generally write a ticket unless it's blocking a driveway, but if half of your vehicle is in red, and half is in a meter space, then obviously I’m gonna write that ticket. When someone’s driveway is blocked and they want the vehicle towed, if your driveway is seven- or eight-feet wide, I'm generally not gonna tow because you can still get out. I'll issue the cite, but I won't tow it.

4. Myth: Don’t trust a colored curb

With the exception of red and blue, you can park on yellow and green curbs all day on Sunday. On Monday through Saturday, you can park at green or yellow curbs after 6 p.m. unless otherwise posted. Within the posted time constraints, yellow curbs are for commercial loading only and green curbs are short-term parking only. all day on Sunday. On Monday through Saturday, you can park at green or yellow curbs after 6 p.m. unless otherwise posted. Within the posted time constraints, yellow curbs are for commercial loading only and green curbs are short-term parking only.

5. Myth: Parking enforcement is just another way to fund the city

While it’s no fun returning to your car only to find that white envelope with red lettering glaring back at you from your windshield, time limit citations prevent vehicles from hogging spots all day thereby promoting better business.

TO Smith: A lot of the time limit violations we do, we do upon complaint. That way, we give businesses turnaround, so that new customers are coming in and out. If the same vehicle is stuck in the same spot, how are you gonna get new customers in? How many times do you go into a store that you don't normally go to but you parked in front of it, so you decide to see what they have? The cites we write and enforcements we do are to benefit the public or the business owners.

6. Myth: You need a PhD to decipher parking signs

Notoriously complicated parking signs can get the best of almost anyone. Fortunately, LADOT made this video to make sense of it all starring Sergeant Kimmi Porter. to make sense of it all starring Sergeant Kimmi Porter.

TO Smith: Like I tell everyone: read the street sign like a book: top to bottom, left to right. Don't leave anything out. The red signs are the ones you really need to pay attention to because those are the ones that are gonna get your car towed or be a very expensive ticket.

7. Myth: Bag “broken” meters

This cultural phenomenon dates back to the prehistoric era (2014) before meters took both cards and coins. It’s not illegal to bag a meter, but with the installation of Smart Meters, it is unlikely that both methods of payment would simultaneously disfunction. A good rule of thumb: if the red light is blinking, the meter is not broken.

TO Smith: Yeah, do not bag a meter. That's wrong. A lot of times a meter isn't broken. Let's say it's not taking coins. It might be taking credit card. And it'll tell you: credit only. If you put a bag on there, I'll take the bag off, and write you a ticket because I can see the red flashing light through the bag, so I know the meter works. If there's no display on the meter and no lights flashing, then the meter's down and I won't cite you.

8. Myth: Traffic officers have to give out a certain number of citations per day.

TO Smith : Quotas are against the law. We've never had a quota. The primary function of my job is to direct traffic. And when there's not traffic to be directed, then yeah, I have to look for violations and answer radio calls.

9. Myth: They love it when you call them ‘meter maids’

Though it’s tempting to refer to our parking enforcement personnel as seemingly charming “meter maids,” and perhaps break into “Lovely Rita” by the Beatles while doing so, think twice. Gold Coast, Australia has meter maids , (gold lame bikini-clad ladies who feed expired meters), but LA does not.

A communications officer from LADOT set us straight:

“ We refer to our uniformed personnel as: Traffic Officers. The term 'meter maid' is outdated [and] gender specific.”

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Want more tips on never getting another parking ticket in Los Angeles again? Us too. Read on …

So, what exactly do traffic officers do?

Traffic Officer Andre Smith : There's multiple things that we do. It's not just look for meters and write tickets. it's more than that. When things happen, generally we’re the first responders. We're the ones calling for LAPD. We're right there helping people collect themselves after a traffic accident. The thing people don’t realize is they’ll always need our service. Yes, we issue parking citations, but that’s a byproduct of our other duties. We impound vehicles, recover stolen vehicles. We direct traffic. We are first responders to LAPD and the Fire Department. We provide other needed services and I think that's what people forget. They see us doing one job when really we do numerous things. My duty is to direct traffic as safely as possible without causing any gridlock in the intersection—that's the key to traffic control: to protect the motorists and the pedestrians in the street, and prevent intersections from gridlock.

How closely do you work with the LAPD?

TO Smith: We work really close with the police department. If there's an accident, they'll call for us to come out and direct traffic, so that they can clear the scene. A lot of times, we get barricaded suspects who don't wanna be taken in, so they'll lock themselves in their apartment for however long and we have to set up a perimeter to keep other people safe and out of there. That's what we do, especially out here [in Hollywood].

Lieutenant Kimmi Porter : When there's a fire, LAPD will reach out to our communications center. They’ll need a closure and we deploy officers to wherever is needed so cars won't go into the perimeter. If there is a person with a gun, we are deployed outside of perimeter. We just provide LAPD assistance ... if there's a bomb threat ... anything.

What is the best piece of advice you have to avoid a parking citation?

TO Smith: Read everything. Read everything. Read everything. Especially the red signs. Read ‘em—they’re there for you. Read your meter display too because it'll tell you what time your meter expires. That meter is consistent, your watch or clock might not be.

Do you circle back to meters that are about to expire?

TO Smith: No, I won't because I have my own route and I know there's another officer, probably two or three minutes behind me who will catch it.

Beware of the passenger loading zone. "Everybody thinks we're the bad guy until they need us," says Traffic Officer

What’s your favorite part about your job?

TO Smith: My favorite part? Probably it would be the handicapped detail because you can actually see what service you're providing. When you have someone that's illegally misusing a placard and you see someone that’s actually handicapped walking further than they have to because this person is misusing that space ... I do enjoy enforcing that…

What do you have to say to people who think you're the bad guy?

TO Smith: You know, everybody thinks we're the bad guy until they need us. For every time that someone has cussed me out and this and that, you get those people who thank you for providing a service for them. So i think that's a misconception. We're not out to get you. I'm here to do my job.

So, the LADOT employees helped clear up some common misconceptions about parking enforcement in Los Angeles. The main take away: more than issuing parking citations, traffic officers alleviate gridlock, help kids cross the street safely, protect from villains and aid the LAPD and LAFD. And yes, just in case you were wondering, traffic officers, like most Angelenos, love their burgers .

Do they prefer Shake Shack or In-N-Out , you ask? In-N-Out, obviously. Traffic officer Smith, Lieutenant Porter, and Sergeant Bowie each order double-doubles.

Parking enforcement. They’re just like us.