Sorry that this is a bit long, but I thought I would share a bit on how my feelings toward myself changed a TON thanks to this blog and others.

Last Summer, I was contemplating anorexia again, just so I could be thin, even though the last time I did it, I actually gained weight and I made myself so fucking anemic that I went to the hospital for a three hour nose bleed. Just so I could get good roles in musicals and be told that I’m pretty, not that I have a pretty face, and have my body type represented in media. I justified that if I lost weight, I would be happy.

Now….I love my body so fucking much and I am beyond happy. I love me. I wear tight jeans and tight tops and would walk around fucking naked all the time if I could. I look at my body and see fucking greatness and it just floors me that I could ever hate this majestic temple. That I let such poisonous false facts spiral in to hating me. Hating MY BODY to the point that I wanted to die.

And, you know what? I never want to change. I want this body forever, because fuck thin. Fuck starving myself and cutting myself and crying every time I looked in the mirror because every part of society I heard was telling me that it was okay to do so. That I had to do WHATEVER needed to be done to be thin.

To people who tell me to lose weight: I am one healthy* fucking bitch (SO much more after I started loving myself and realizing just how I wanted to take care of my body, because I wanted to take care of me and not just make it a goal to be thin), thank you. I know that. And, I don’t need your ass cheering for me to lose weight, because it won’t ever happen, and I AM SO GLAD. I am so glad I can tap for hours and zumba for hours and walk two miles to and from campus and not lose one fucking pound.

I AM FAT. FAT FAT FAT. Size 16 - 20, and I don’t even fucking know how much I weigh. I don’t care.

I love myself.

And, I guess the point I’m trying to make is that if you’re fat and unhappy, don’t you dare look to weight loss as a solution. Because thin isn’t a solution (and dieting or ~lifestyle changes~ rarely if ever work long term). It’s a way to make the people around you like you better without ever addressing your own feelings toward yourself. Try to love yourself before you change yourself. You will not fucking regret it.

P.S. I plan on taking ballet next semester and hopefully going on to learn en pointe and I will fucking rock it thank you to all the people who have awkwardly ~tried to warn me~ that fat people and en pointe are impossible.

Thin privilege is not being told that your body type is so ugly and terrible that you should mutilate it any way you can in order to change it.

Thin privilege is being able follow your dreams and be you and love yourself without everyone around you telling you “but you’re fat”.

*I use health as it applies to me. Health and well-being is different for everyone. :)