Elon Musk’s quest to out Howard Hughes in the messy billionaire department continues apace. You’d think Elon, with all his investors and employees to answer to, would be a little more careful about the company he keeps but nah. Last week, with the help of his dirty girlfriend Grimes, Elon got himself embroiled in a bit of a situation which led to Azealia Banks camped out at his house, presumably trying to help out the maid by airing out his dirty laundry for him. Now come to find out, not only did Grimes invite the crazy right on into the mansion, she also causally dished about Elon’s big dick to her in a series of text messages. And somehow, against all rational thought and logic, Grimes thought that Azealia would keep that conversation confidential.

If these texts messages are to believed (and after all we’ve seen so far, I have no reason to doubt their veracity), by Grimes’ estimation, Elon has a big fat hog to go with that pork skin in his (Azealia’s words, not mine). And naturally, Azealia took screenshots of the messages and shared them with the world (via Instagram).

Azealia Banks lives the wildest life I swear like lmao pic.twitter.com/Er61Zbl43F — Rashida (@fuckrashida) August 18, 2018

I find this entire situation extremely entertaining. All parties involved share the blame, so there is no victim, and I don’t have to feel guilty in the unbridled pleasure it has afforded me. Pure, uncut schadenfreude is a rare treat. Why do I love this? Well, for a couple of reasons.

1. Azealia claims Elon has been tapping her phone all week. Normally claims of phone tapping are a red flag for unchecked paranoia, but I believe her. Elon definitely seems the type.

2. Azalea has a picture of Arya Stark looking greasy and spent as her contact image for Grimes.

3. Is this the Thornberry she was thinking of? Because if so, I definitely see it.

Morty Thornberry ? A post shared by Brad Addams (@nottbrad) on Jul 30, 2018 at 7:51pm PDT

4. Grimes gossips about Elon like a highschool girl who just gave the captain of the football team a locker room blowjob and thinks that means they’re going steady now. If she keeps on bragging about her quarterback boyfriend, she’s gonna lose him.

5. Azealia is incredulous at hearing that Elon’s packing and blames it on Grimes’ tiny pussy.

6. Grimes is concerned about everybody getting kidnapped by the Russians, by proxy.

7. “It’s encrypted out the ass”. Ok, but have you heard of screenshots you ding dong! You don’t need to be a Russian hacker to dig up the dirt when Azealia is involved.

Oh, Elon. What are you doing with your life? This genius? Really?

Yes, girl IT’S A BAD IDEA! And so is inviting Azealia banks into your inner circle. I hope the Russians really do kidnap the lot of them. Wait, this site is encrypted, right?

Pic: Wenn.com