HAVERFORD, PA—Expressing concerns about her odd behavior over the past few weeks, coworkers of Sheila Gottman confirmed Wednesday that the “total weirdo” was leading their office’s NCAA bracket pool after picking teams she analyzed and predicted would beat the others. “What kind of freak actually reads expert analysis instead of just picking whoever has the cooler mascot?” said graphic designer Mikey Riverol, adding that Gottman’s colleagues were baffled by her eccentric obsession with “high-quality wins” and strength of schedule when she could have just gone with random underdogs like Buffalo and Wofford. “You’re just supposed to pick schools that your friends and relatives went to, not actually look at the teams stats and style of play like a fucking lunactic. Maybe deranged stuff like watching games and judging talent is fun for her, but it kind of ruins it for everyone else.” At press time, several of Gottman’s coworkers were looking to flee an uncomfortable conversation with the nutjob after she came over to ask whether people thought Virginia or Duke had a better shot at making the finals.

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