Amanda Lindhout, the Canadian freelance journalist who was kidnapped in Somalia in August 2008 and held for 15 harrowing months, says she agrees with and understands the federal government's policy of not paying ransoms.

In an interview that aired on Monday, Lindhout and her mother, Lorinda Stewart, talked to CBC's The Current host Anna Maria Tremonti about the agonizing phone conversations they had as Lindhout — after brutal treatment by her captors — begged her mother to come up with the money that would set her free.

Despite the financial hardship of coming up with ransom money, Amanda Lindhout's mother, Lorinda Stewart, says she is 'really hesitant to say that I lost everything, because I felt like I gained everything when Amanda came home.' (John Lindhout)

The "worst call," they both agreed, happened after Lindhout had been held for more than a year. Her captors were frustrated that they had not received the ransom money they had demanded, Lindhout said, and she was tied up, gagged, tortured and assaulted for three straight days.

Then they told her she would be tortured every day until they got payment — and put her on the phone with her mother.

"Mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy," an anguished Lindhout sobs in a tape recording of the call shared with The Current. "You need to pay the million dollars now because they've started to torture me."

Thousands of kilometres away, in Alberta, Stewart's voice was strong, despite her terror.

"Amanda, listen to me. We are doing everything that we can," she said. "We will not stop until you come home. I am so sorry that it has taken so long."

"Amanda, Amanda, we love you," she continued. "We have offered half a million dollars. We have sold everything that we have. We are trying so hard, Amanda."

The Canadian government's policy was — and still is today — not to pay ransoms. The practice is under renewed scrutiny after Canadian hostage John Ridsdel was killed by his captors in the Philippines last week.

"I have thought so much this week about his family and the people who love him," Lindhout told The Current, speaking alongside her mother in CBC's Calgary studio. "I can't help too but think about what I went through and how lucky I am to be alive."

Families paid $1M ransom

In November 2009, Lindhout was finally freed after her family, together with the family of her fellow captive, photographer Nigel Brennan, managed to gather about $1 million for ransom.

Despite the horrific ordeal, Lindhout and her mother told CBC News they stand behind the federal government's policy of not paying ransoms.

"It's so complicated, and people come to me expecting in a way that I would have a really clear answer about that," Lindhout said. "The answer is probably not what most people expect, given what I've been through, but I understand [Prime Minister Justin] Trudeau's position. I actually understand and agree with how a policy like that serves to protect Canadians who are out travelling around the world."

Canadian John Ridsdel was killed by the Abu Sayyaf gunmen in the Philippines last week. (@JBR10000/Twitter)

But Lindhout and her mother say that there is a part of Canada's policy that needs to change. When Stewart was desperately trying to raise money for her daughter's ransom, she said, she tried to do it quietly without media attention, because the RCMP said it was illegal in Canada to pay ransom and it carried a penalty of up to 10 years in prison — although they also told her no one had ever been charged with the offence.

"I think that the families should be told that they have the freedom to do whatever they feel they need to do," Stewart said. "While I worked with the RCMP [on securing Lindhout's release], I always worked under the threat that if I were to do anything outside of what they gave me permission to do that they would drop our case."

Lindhout and her mother are still working through the trauma of the kidnapping. Lindhout suffers from severe post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and is in almost daily contact with a psychologist in New York, who has helped her to rebuild her life.

She also struggles with guilt.

"The fact that my decision as a young woman to go into Somalia, of course not wanting to hurt anybody, you know, wanting to pursue my ambitions as a young journalist … it had really serious consequences for so many people," Lindhout said. "The reality of that really hit me hard when I came home."

Lindhout's mother's health deteriorated from the stress. But mother and daughter are "extremely close" and helping each other to heal, they say.

They are both preparing themselves to face one of Lindhout's alleged captors, Ali Omar Ader.

RCMP allege Ader was the "main negotiator" and arrested and charged him in Ottawa in June 2015.

The Current contacted the RCMP for comment on this story. In their response, they said it was inappropriate to comment because the case is before the courts.