Being a mentor is like standing in the wheelhouse of a ship on a voyage across the ocean. At the ship’s wheel is the mentee; as the mentor, you’re standing next to them guiding their voyage.

The exciting part about this journey is you’ve sailed the ocean before. You know what routes to take and which ones to avoid. But even with this knowledge many of us struggle to be a mentor when we start out. Here are three lessons I’ve learned about mentorship.

Take Your Hands Off the Wheel

When I started mentoring, I always took the helm. This almost never worked. Even when it did, the mentee didn’t learn anything—I was doing all the work.

The best thing I ever did was let the mentee steer the ship

It is their ship after all. I learned my role wasn’t to steer; rather, my role is to provide suggestions as to where they should go based on their strengths and weaknesses. But the final decision needs to rest on their shoulders.

By doing this, you’ll find that when your pupil arrives at their destination they possess a sense of pride and confidence they wouldn’t have if you were at the helm—it’s now their accomplishment.

Too Much, Too Soon

I forgot it’s a long voyage across the ocean. In essence, I advised my pupil to turn the wheel forty degrees as soon as we left the dock. This was exhausting work for both of us.

Here’s the trick: Advise subtle course corrections

By making one degree course corrections, you’re drastically altering their destination after hundreds of miles. It’s more efficient to make small adjustments that will reap large rewards later on. When you use this technique your people almost forget your mentoring them.

Don’t Go Searching

I asked a sage friend if I should go out and look for people to mentor. His answer surprised me.

When they’re ready they’ll find you

This was contrary to everything I believed. I thought it was my job to identify people and help them along. My friend advised me to focus on developing my own leadership traits. “If you build it they will come.”

He said by maximizing my individual strengths, people would be naturally drawn to me. When I reflected on the times I had been successful mentoring, I realized this was absolutely the case. This isn’t to say you can’t help a relationship along, but don’t force feed your mentorship.