Once again, I agreed to write a predictions column, but my editors rejected my request to post it on Snapchat, enabling it to disappear after 10 seconds.

So now the good people at FOX will take what I give them, realizing that some might interpret my defiance as evidence that I hate my employer as much as I hate all 30 teams.

Maybe I suffer from short man syndrome. Maybe I’m just a miserable lout. Whatever, I’m starting off the season angrier than Clayton Kershaw at a blown strike call — not that the umps, ahem, ever miss.

If you don’t believe that I hate all 30 teams, ask my ever-gracious followers on Twitter. And if you don’t believe that my predictions are worthless, ask my brother-in-law Brian, a devoted Orioles fan who has begged me to pick the O’s last, knowing that my selections are best read upside down.

With that, here are my team rankings and comments, which were written with my tongue firmly in cheek, not that I expect anyone to understand. (WARNING: My actual picks will be published Sunday.)