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College football players have made it abundantly clear that they know and enjoy a good butt; whether it be just for pokin’ or actual strategy, they’re thankfully none too shy about letting reporters in on the secrets of the tush.


The latest example of in-depth ass analysis comes from LSU, where, according to the Times-Picayune, reporters decided to break from asking LSU quarterback Danny Etling about his April back surgery to focus their inquires slightly lower. The question came from former Tigers center and current radio host T-Bob Herbert (I know it’s Louisiana, but no, that’s not his real name)—the 2011 LSU grad asked the current Tigers gunslinger which of his two options at center had the better feeling ass.

Rather than deflect the question or spout the coach-talk drilled into his head by his SIDs, Etling responded with searing honesty. About butts. Nice, plump butts.

Herbert: “Lloyd Cushenberry and Will Clapp — whose ass feels better?” Etling: “I can just tell you what you’re looking for as far as that in a center. What you want is a nice, plump bottom. A surface area to put your hands on. You want them to feel you. As much as I love Will, and as great a football player as he is, he doesn’t have the biggest bottom. But him and I have really worked toward it. So I’ve found a nice surface area to put my hands on. Lloyd and I are coming along. Lloyd and I didn’t get a ton of snaps with him in the spring, but we have come along in the past couple days.”


This still doesn’t beat Ben Boulware’s two-minute lecture on the proper way to sneakily touch other players’ butts, but at least Etling is charming (and consensual) about his butt action.