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Unfortunately, as much as ditching wasteful disposable products is good for the environment, it does occasionally have a downside – namely the public air dryers that make it feel as though Satan himself is gently huffing on your hands.



The bacterial horror shows were slowly introduced in public bathrooms as a cheaper alternative to hand towels but have reportedly failed to win over the masses – with even the most environmentally conscious minded admitting it’s too much of a pain in the ass.



According to a completely unbiased survey done by Kaplan Distributors, a whopping 99% of public bathroom users report giving up mid gust and using their clothes as a drying source instead.



The Advocate reached out to a Kaplan spokesperson to learn more about these findings.



“Honestly I’ve never seen someone stick it all the way,” says the local rep.

“The odd times I’ve tried to commit to a full dry felt weird.”



“It’s just not economical to have one person hogging the only drying source for sixty seconds”



“I know some of the larger machines can handle two people but I don’t know, double fisting a Dyson with a complete stranger feels a bit dirty to me?”



Speaking to a member of the public, The Advocate learns that local man, Brian Clarke [43] echoes a similar statement.



“Yeah, they’re fucking shit.”



“Only good use for them is timing a turd drop without anyone hearing you.”



“Bring back the paper towels.”

