This is a long and difficult road for many of us — queer and straight…

When the “other” kind of person turns out to be someone who is respected, liked, and loved, then who that person is will collide with who that person is assumed to be. This is a God-moment when seeds of reconciliation or rejection are sown.

…God has been leading me to connect with various Christian congregations in my area, growing and developing a godly, sisterly relationship with them. Because I live “simply open” about who and what I am, at some point when our relationship deepens, the fact that I am a married Christian woman of transgender experience will become apparent in natural, relaxed, and even winsome ways — in God’s time…

…Last Wednesday, at an “agape” potluck and Bible study, it was “time” — my status and authority as a transgender person became very relevant to the discussion and I gently made my disclosure, acting in great vulnerability from a position of spiritual strength…

…This Sunday at church was a good time of worship. Much was preached, sung and prayed about how this church, this part of Christ’s Body, was especially attuned and welcoming to people on the margins, the people “other churches” reject. We were admonished that “they will come here for Jesus’ love: be prepared!” They didn’t realize that I had already been among them as an “unpresentable” part of The Body. I was cautiously optimistic…

…Last evening, I again joined the “agape” group with my spouse. We ate and socialized, and when I was asked how my spouse and I were related, I replied in joyful truth. Moments later, I was called into the pastor’s office along with the Bible study leader in whose group I had “come out.” I learned that I had caused a stir among the entire church leadership for most of the past week.

We had a long and good discussion, but I was very much “on trial.” We discussed my relationship with Jesus, my relationship with sin, my understanding of the Bible and its authority, my transgender nature, and my transition. In the end, I was essentially excommunicated. I was told (without Biblical support) that being transgender was illegitimate and that living as a woman (as myself) was, in their eyes: “sexual immorality.”

I gently pointed out the arrogance of assuming absolute correctness on the issues, yet being unwilling to go to God about the possibility that they could be wrong. I also gently pointed out the hypocrisy of treating my “sin” as one in need of special attention, including the breaking of fellowship. I commended the pastor for speaking civilly with me about this; he commended me for my reputation in the church as someone who was well-spoken, intelligent, honest, and kind with a gentle servant’s heart.

But his prescription for me was to “repent.” Specifically, “repent” meant for me to renounce my (God-given) gender identity, to live as a man, and to “embrace my masculinity.” Of course to “live as a man” would require me to have a sex change, and I assured him that unless God made this demand crystal clear by the conviction of His Spirit, I would make no such recantation…

…So we parted. As I left, I suggested that we pray together and embrace. I led this prayer and we parted with hugs: fellow believers who could not be reconciled at this time and maybe not on this side of eternity…

It was hard for me, building a relationship with a congregation, coming to know people and to be known, offering myself to potentially be hurt. Allowing them to see Jesus in me required significant time, sacrifice, and connection. That connection made the sundering of the relationships all the more painful. That was my pain last night.

God has led me to be one of His agents of change, one of His agents of love, one of His “scandalous” people — His daughter, a “woman with a past” and with a present. There are other congregations and relationships, and more faith to grow…

…Dearest Lord, my Love, please give me strength — glorify Yourself in me.

About Brettany Renée Blatchley

Renée Blatchley is a fifty-three year old, married transgender woman of faith. She blogs at Gracefully Trans.