You are 12, but you look a bit younger than you actually are. People frequently guess your age at more like 10. You are walking to tennis practice.



<<replace>>Put on your baggy t-shirt with the name of your middle school's tennis team on it



<<becomes>>Put your tennis racket over your shoulder



<<becomes>>Men in cars are honking at you



<<becomes>>Feel vaguely disconcerted and ashamed



<<becomes>>Become hyper-aware of your long, baggy tennis shorts



<<becomes>>Years later, you have a conversaion with a female friend



<<becomes>>"Yeah, I hate being catcalled, but don't you feel kind of bad when it doesn't happen at all?"



<<becomes>>Even now, as an official Grown Up Adult and Certified Internet Feminist, you don't know how to respond to that. It still bothers you.



<<becomes>>[[Move onto your teen years >>]]<<endreplace>>

You talk about feminism on the internet a lot, and you get messages from people who are grateful for your work a lot, but--



<<replace>>It can really drain you sometimes



<<becomes>>You're sick of having to explain why you don't care for Dan Savage



<<becomes>>Pretty much every woman you know has this kind of trauma in her past



<<becomes>>You have a dedicated handful of "fans" with a subreddit dedicated to complaining about your terrible misandry



<<becomes>>But you've seen what other women get, and you're just glad it isn't worse



<<becomes>>That no one's showed up to your house yet



<<becomes>>That your parents will be supportive if it escaltes



<<becomes>>But the more feminist work you do



<<becomes>>The more it feels like that escalation is inevitable



<<becomes>>[[Stopping would feel like giving in>>]]<<endreplace>>

You've figured out how to deal with all of this--



<<replace>>Except



<<becomes>>You still have recurring nightmares about what you only recently figured out you are allowed to call rape



<<becomes>>And about the guy you stopped being friends with



<<becomes>>It took you years to figure out it's okay to identify as asexual, even if you don't do so completely or all the time



<<becomes>>And you still feel weird or broken or unloveable because of it sometimes



<<becomes>>[[>>]]<<endreplace>>

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This is an autobiographical Twine game about some terrible interactions with men I have had over time! Trigger warning for sexual violence and harassment.



[[Play>>|Start~]]

This guy is much better! He's done feminist sex education! He's great!



<<replace>>I mean, he still classifies you having previous sexual experience as 'making a mistake', but he'll change his mind about that, right?



<<becomes>>He is confused about a lot of sex acts and thinks that women only "let men do that to them" for men's pleasure, but he figured it out when you explained it to him, right?



<<becomes>>I mean, he deals with your mental health problems pretty well! I mean, they're clearly burdensome for him, but he sticks around, right?



<<becomes>>One night you're hanging out with him and your mutual best friend. You're kind of laying with your head in his lap when the friend starts relaying an anecdote



<<becomes>>He's talking about a time when, on a dare, he ejaculated on another boy's face while the other boy was sleeping at a party



<<becomes>>Your boyfriend has heard this story before, they only explain what happened to relay the story for your benefit



<<becomes>>You don't say anything for the entire rest of the evening and neither one even notices



<<becomes>>When the friend gets up to leave, you tell him you're trying to find a way to justify continuing to be friends with him



<<becomes>>Once again, you don't have words for exactly what it was he did, but you know it's violating



<<becomes>>Your refusal to talk to him anymore is a sore spot in your relationship with your boyfriend, who continues to be friends with him



<<becomes>>When you tell your mom you aren't friends with him anymore, she laughs like, haha, oh kids and their drama. You never tell her the reason why.



<<becomes>>[[Adulthood>>]]<<endreplace>>

You're still braced for the everyday stuff all the time



<<replace>>For the catcalls when you go out



<<becomes>>To rescue your friends from unwanted conversations with men



<<becomes>>For every strange man in public to be the one who becomes dangerous



<<becomes>>There's not really an alternative though, so you



<<becomes>><h1>Hold</h1>



<<becomes>><h1>Your</h1>



<<becomes>><h1>Keys</h1>



<<becomes>><h1>Between</h1>



<<becomes>><h1>Your</h1>



<<becomes>><h1>Fingers</h1>



<<becomes>>and walk on



<<becomes>>[[End]]<<endreplace>>



or

Patriarchy Simulator 2000

or

"I don't get it, why do you have such a problem with Dan Savage"

[[now you're a shrill harpy bitch | adulthood 2]]

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You're getting a lot better at not taking sexist bullshit these days.



<<replace>>But you still brace yourself every time you have to meet friends or family because you know you'll have to either



<<becomes>>[[ignore the sexist things you see and/or hear]]



or



[[call it out]]<<endreplace>>

A Twine story by Nora Reed



<a href="http://www.barrl.net">Website</a>

<a href="http://www.twitter.com/NoraReed">Twitter</a>

<a href="https://www.patreon.com/norareed">Patreon</a>

<a href="https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_donations&business=9YUDY2UX4A7M8&lc=US&item_name=barrl%2enet%20%2f%20NoraReed¤cy_code=USD&bn=PP%2dDonationsBF%3abtn_donateCC_LG%2egif%3aNonHosted">Tip Jar</a>



special thanks to <a href="Glorious Trainwrecks"> for stylesheet + javascript</a> and <a href="http://aliendovecote.com/">Porpentine</a> for help + twinespiration

Nora Reed

<a href="http://www.barrl.net">Website</a>

<a href="http://www.twitter.com/NoraReed">Twitter</a>

<a href="https://www.patreon.com/norareed">Patreon</a>

<a href="https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_donations&business=9YUDY2UX4A7M8&lc=US&item_name=barrl%2enet%20%2f%20NoraReed¤cy_code=USD&bn=PP%2dDonationsBF%3abtn_donateCC_LG%2egif%3aNonHosted">Tip Jar</a>

You've always been good about figuring out sex stuff from the internet-- savvy, good at finding sources that are accurate.



<<replace>>You've been reading a lot of Dan Savage lately



<<becomes>>You're so happy to have found a sex positive feminist who will explain the mysteries of sex to you



<<becomes>>Like that asexuality isn't an actual thing and that asexuals are actually broken



<<becomes>>That oral sex is mandatory in relationships and if you aren't interested in it you are broken



<<becomes>>That sex in general is mandatory in relationships and you owe it to your partner



<<becomes>>When the dude you're dating says to "just go through the motions of making love" you go along with it



<<becomes>>He doesn't notice that you aren't actually interested until you are about to start crying



<<becomes>>Afterwards you have to comfort him about feeling bad about it



<<becomes>>You don't have words for why this fucked you up so badly



<<becomes>>You continue dating him even though he continues to use his "inability to control his emotions" to manipulate you into letting him fuck you



<<becomes>>It's years before someone explains to you that sexual coersion is a kind of rape



<<becomes>>[[Move onto your next relationship>>]]<<endreplace>>

Selected Terrible Interactions With Men

[["why didn't you just say something if it bothered you so much?" | adulthood 2]]

<h1>Selected Interactions With Men</h1>

or

<h2>Patriarchy Simulator 2000</h2>

or

<h2>"I don't get it, why do you have such a problem with Dan Savage"</h2>

[[Start>>|Start2]]