Source: Barry Langon-Lassagne CC 3.0

Over the 29 years I've been a and personal coach, I've seen an increase in the number of men over 50 who report feeling sad although not clinically . They function well in their daily lives but walk around feeling mildly sad, which far fewer of my female clients complain of. That's why I call it Older Sad Man Syndrome.

One man, I'll call him, Bill, is a director at a large Bay Area nonprofit. He sees people whom he views as inferior getting promotions and other favoritism. He goes to the gym and sees the attractive women looking right through him—Mr. Cellophane. He comes home to watch CNN and see endless encomia to women and people of color and he, a white male, is disproportionately portrayed as evil or idiotic. He doesn't feel that he's either and feels sad that his so often portrayed that way. He spends much of his evenings quietly watching Netflix, if he can find a movie that doesn't have a spunky woman or minority besting a white male. In the session I had with him yesterday, he said something like, "I can't even talk to my wife about it. She still thinks it's a man's world and that I should buck up and be more present for the family. I try, but apparently, I don't succeed often enough."

At the end of this article, I'll offer suggestions for ameliorating Older Sad Male Syndrome but first, it may help to know of factors that may be causal—if only to realize that it's not all your fault, or maybe even not at all your fault.

Possible causes of Older Sad Man Syndrome

1. Men are no longer the focus of positive societal .

As Bill said, media and higher focus disproportionately on women and their needs. Men are often portrayed as "Haves," evil, boorish, or a doofus, while women are shown as worthy Have-Nots whose needs should take priority.

Putting aside the validity of that assertion, it certainly can't feel good for a man to feel irrelevant. Indeed, that is what leading feminist writer Fay Weldon famously asserted: "Men are Irrelevant." A widely read TIME article was "Men are Obsolete." New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd's bestselling book was "Are Men Necessary?" One of the most popular stories ever in The Atlantic was a Father's Day cover story: "The End of Men." Imagine how women would feel seeing a steady of woman as nincompoop with bestselling and prestigious books called "Are Women Necessary?" and "The End of Women."

2. Women are allowed to organize. Men are not. There are countless women's caucuses in workplace and , support groups, networking groups, activist groups. In contrast, formerly men's organizations, for example, the leading service clubs, Rotary, Kiwanis, and Lions were pressured to admit women. Yet the leading women's service clubs—Soroptomist and Junior League—remain all female. One of my male clients was a long-time Rotary member and when he pointed out that only the male service clubs were being pressured to integrate, a man called him sexist and that shut him up on the topic permanently.

If there were a National Organization for Men or American Association of University Men, the media would not give them the enormous free publicity given to the National Organization for Women and the American Association of University Women. Further, they would be derided as sexist and unnecessary, for example with such broad-brush dismissals as, "There's no need for men's associations. Every association is a men's association." A client said, "Sure, men can get together on an informal basis but the relative lack of ready-made organizations in which men can support like those that women have, contribute to my being sad."

3. Employability declines. Work outside the home is core to many men's . After 40 and certainly after 50, employability declines. And because men's activism is far less supported than women's, men are having a particularly tough time of it. Certainly, my male clients who are 40+ are having a tougher time finding good work than are my female clients.

4. Men's health declines earlier. One of the reasons for older men's difficulty in finding or keeping good work is that they age more poorly than do women: Although their rate of , drinking, and are similar to women's, they die 5 years earlier. There are 4.5 widows for every widower. And death is merely the endpoint in a continuum of earlier decline and thus lower employability.

Men's sadness about their decline can be exacerbated by knowing that even though they die younger, suffering the ultimate gender deficit, instead of society focusing on closing the gap as has been the case, for example, when women are underrepresented in science, there is far greater focus on breast cancer than on prostate cancer. (How many pink ribbons have you seen versus blue ones?) Even efforts to address heart disease, which strikes men earlier and deadlier, focuses on women. For example, the American Heart Association's Go Red for Women initiative has emblazoned millions of cans and bottles of Coke with the Go Red for Woman logo and website.

These observations are, of course, subjective, so I conducted a review of PubMed, which aggregates the articles in 3,000 medical journals. Over the past 60 years(!), 95 percent of the gender-specific articles were about women. And when women were excluded from studies, it was typically for a good reason, for example, the drug under study was for use by people of child-bearing age and researchers didn't want to risk subjecting fetuses to an adult dose of an experimental drug.

5. Sexual decline. Perhaps in part caused by men's earlier health decline, their also falls, often literally. One man said, "I loved sex. I was good at sex. Now I can't even get it up. Yeah, I can take Viagra to get an erection so I can service my wife, but Viagra doesn't increase sex drive. I'm disappointing my wife as well as myself." Even to the extent that men remain sexually interested, they—as are older women—are often perceived as invisible. In concert with the other factors above, that can contribute to Older Sad Man Syndrome.

Addressing Older Sad Man Syndrome

Here is what has worked best for my clients. Perhaps you'll find one or more worth trying:

Some of the above isn't inevitable. For example, while it is harder to find good work in the second half of your life, it's far from impossible. It just may require more effort. In your favor is that you've acquired skills and perspective that a young person hasn't had the time to acquire. And you've had longer to have acquired friends and colleagues who'll tout you. And while health decline is inevitable, its rate is partly under our control. You know: Controlling weight, blood pressure, diabetes, exercising, not smoking, keeping moderate, not using or other mind-altering substances. Of course, all that is easier said than done.

Finding the silver lining. For example, if no one will hire you for a decent job, that gives you the opportunity to start a business or take early and do things you've wanted to find time to do but haven't, or the time to discover a new direction.

Stay busy. Fill your days and you may find yourself too busy for malaise: Volunteer, take up a hobby, blog daily.

Exercise. Daily exercise helps many depressed people. It should be even more effective with sub-clinical malaise.

. A few sessions with a good therapist may help you break free from your unproductive thinking.

The takeaway

Malaise is more common than many people will admit to, perhaps especially among older men. If some of the above resonates with you, I hope that, at least, you'll realize you're not anomalous. And perhaps realizing that along with trying one or more of those admittedly standard tactics may help.