The first loading screen tip I saw in Reign of Kings, the Early Access online survival crafting game, was this: "A sharp stone may be used to commit suicide." If a game's first 'The More You Know' moment involves instructions on killing yourself, you have to wonder what's in store for you.

The loading screen really buried the lede, though, failing to mention that 1) you can store this suicide-stone up your own butt, and 2) you have to bash yourself in the face with it for about two minutes before you actually expire.

I'm getting ahead of myself. We'll get to all that! Come read about my first hour playing Reign of Kings, won't you?