Continue Reading Below Advertisement

Minotaur, if we liked sitting in a dark maze surrounded by monsters we couldn't see, we wouldn't have cried for help when our parents left us with our birthday magician.

When The Minotaur finally shows up, it's totally worth the wait. The Minotaur may suck in every other possible way, but he has seen Deep Blue Sea, and he has learned a thing or two about dramatic timing. In his best scene, a girl starts telling the other people in the maze how much she hates everything. Unknown to them all, The Minotaur is hiding in the shadows behind her. This is not an easy thing to do when you're 10- feet-tall and your head is a cow. In fact, most minotaur scientists would call into question this entire scene's credibility. But not everything is about you, minotaur scientists.

At the risk of spoiling the only good part of this movie (shown on right), the girl's whining is suddenly and spectacularly interrupted by a minotaur horn blasting through her head and out of her mouth. There are 73 ways to say, "Shut the fuck up" in the Minotaur language, but this one is the most common. What's strange is that the special effects for a spike coming out of a woman's face are good -- far, far better than any of the others in the movie. It's so convincing that I think

Continue Reading Below Advertisement

Minotaur might have been made to cover up a forklift accident someone accidentally filmed.

I won't cue this video up to the cranky girl dying; that way it'll be a surprise when a minute in, a horn explodes her face: