Brian Truitt

USA TODAY

In one of the very few actually funny sequences in Zoolander 2, Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson's imbecilic aging male models are made a mockery at a Rome fashion show by wearing T-shirts that say "I am old" and "I am lame." It's played for generational laughs in the wholly unnecessary sequel to the 2001 cult comedy, but the latter statement is too true for this flailing franchise.

Stiller's Derek Zoolander (he of the powerful "Blue Steel" and "Magnum" looks) and Wilson's Hansel (whose signature expression seems to be "Pouty Resting Face") return for a follow-up comprised of tired in-jokes, a strangely mean-spirited family subplot and a parade of forgettable cameos by A-list celebrities. Moviegoers may wish that Will Ferrell's megalomaniacal supervillain Mugatu had won in the first Zoolander and saved us from another film with these boneheads.

Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson put 'Zoolander' back in fashion

Again directed by Stiller, the sequel (*½ out of four; rated PG-13; in theaters nationwide Friday) picks up the lives of Derek and Hansel years after the demise of the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good and Who Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too. Derek has lost his wife and his son has been taken away after a very public incident of poor parenting, and Hansel is having issues on the homefront with the "family" he met through an orgy. Both are crippled with insecurities when Billy Zane (as himself) invites them to a show put on by oddball fashionista Alexanya Atoz (Kristen Wiig).

While in town, the dynamically dimwitted duo are tracked down by Interpol agent Valentina (Penélope Cruz) — quite literally the fashion police — and put on the case of why a slew of music stars are being murdered and flashing a signature Derek look as they die. Derek reconnects with his chubby now-teenage son Derek Jr. (Cyrus Arnold), the subject of a little fat-shaming from dear old Dad, and he and Hansel get embroiled in a nonsensical mystery involving the Fountain of Youth and the prison breakout of Mugatu, a welcome sight when he arrives, though not in time to redeem any sort of entertainment value.

Get to know the characters and cameos of 'Zoolander 2'

Stiller has shown that he's a superb director, from his debut Reality Bites to the subversive The Cable Guy to the brilliantly satirical Tropic Thunder, yet Zoolander 2 doesn't even come close. The script is a team effort by Stiller, Justin Theroux (who returns as Evil DJ), Nicholas Stoller and John Hamburg that doesn't do anything new or exciting, other than to give Hansel a deep respect for Sting's tantric sex habits. Plus, one movie in which Derek continually struggles with the simplest of words in English is enough; two is the definition of overkill.

What Zoolander 2 is modestly successful at is crafting memorable fashion-friendly weirdos. Benedict Cumberbatch has a great couple of scenes as All, an androgynous, asexual model who takes flight in the goofier moments. Kyle Mooney, who's usually right in the middle of Saturday Night Live's wackier segments, plays a similar role here as Don Atari, a designer with a kooky hipster accent.

As for Derek and Hansel, though, it's high time they left the catwalk.