Last week, Mike posted an entry titled “Why Asian Girls Go For White Guys,” which is one of those topics that, no matter how many times it is addressed, is never resolved. I’m a rather typical Asian girl, so this is my response piggybacking Mike’s entry, reviewing it from a typical Asian girl’s mindset.

There’s a running generalization now in our community that the most successful and most beautiful Asian women prefer to date White. We assume this after observing countless instances of successful, beautiful Asian women marrying White men. In our male-dominant male-centric tradition, we blame the Asian woman for the phenomenon. And in our minorities-are-the-victims tradition, we also blame White Privilege, White sexual imperialism, and the white-washing of the world that globalization has wrought–theories we use like a panacea to explain why any minority race may experience inequality in this world.

While I would usually be the first to hop on the White-sexual-imperialism bandwagon, in this case there is a smidge more at play…

For a number of reasons, Asian men have lost the confidence to approach the particular Asian woman they want to date, which is often an attractive, very well put together individual. Any woman they perceive as even remotely possibly maybe out of their league (i.e., any attractive, very well put together Asian woman), they will simply walk the other way and admire from afar.

Meanwhile, since these women really are attractive and very well put together by any measure, men of other races, especially White men, pursue them left and right. It thus makes statistical sense that these women would date White, because they’re not pursued by any promising candidates from the Asian race.

Both of my sisters, for example, happen to be drop dead gorgeous. They’re sociable, charismatic, highly educated, and can hold their end of the conversation on anything from classical music, literature, politics and philosophy to fashion and the latest gossip. For some reason, every Asian male who meets them immediately assumes they only date White men, and thus don’t even bother approaching my sisters. Meanwhile, they get a lot of attention from White men and since the litter they pick from consists almost exclusively of White men, they end up dating White men. Asian men later see them hand in hand with White men and think, “Yep, I knew it. It figures.” My sisters then unwittingly perpetuate the generalization that Asian girls go for White guys. Truth is, they’re dating White because Asian men were too intimidated to ever initiate.

On the other hand, Asian women who, if I may put it delicately enough, are less than conventionally appealing to the typical Asian man, will still find avid fans among White men. (And the Asian fetish issue is beyond the scope of this post.) These women would have preferred to date an Asian man, but Asian men never gave them the time of day, while White men will. In retaliation of being repudiated by most of the Asian men they’ve crushed on throughout their lives, these Asian women openly scorn Asian men before the Asian men have the opportunity to reject these women.

Allow an oversimplified statement of the solution for the Asian male: Love, love, love your Asian sisters. Too many Asian men today automatically impose an almost irrefutable presumption against Asian women that these women are going to be treacherous against the men of their own race. I call it the self-fulfilling prophecy. Asian men push Asian women to date outside their race when they either: (1) allow their insecurity to turn into hostility against the women they think they can’t get but want, or (2) allow their idiocy to turn into hostility against the women they think they can get but don’t want. It’s all this hostility toward Asian women that’s turning us off from Asian men.

Of course all the usual suspects share culpability: mainstream media’s portrayal of the hero as a White Marlboro man in every tale depicting tragic minority communities; society’s postulation that any alpha male must be White or at least White-like; certain degrees of self-loathing from certain Asian women; and — who can forget — the crazy, overbearing, codependent-on-her-son Asian mother that every Asian male seems to come with. Yet I have faith that the Asian male can overcome all of these enumerated obstacles.

What I’m not so sure about is whether he can ever get over pitying himself and actually step up to be a positive, supportive and constructive component to our lives.

Postscript. For another angle, read it at Niniane’s Blog, “Why I Don’t Date Asian Men.” Funny, with sobering accuracy, well-written, and the blogger is a hot Asian chic! Niniane, my dear, you forgot to add that Asian men, in all their neglect, then tell you how much they pamper and spoil you, and how darn lucky you are to be with a sensitive, kind, loving, and affectionate man like him. [Credit to John for referring the link to Mike for referring the link to me.]