Why You Gotta Be So Ween?

Hey, Trey. Whatcha doing?

“Watching Ween.”

Why?

“I’m polite. And bored.”

You guys were great tonight.

“Thanks. Nice of you.”

Have you guys been practicing since the summer tour?

…

Did you have a meeting or something, and decide to play well?

…

Was it the internet? You should never go on there: it’s mean.

“Y’know, I’m not in the Grateful Dead any more, and I don’t have to put up with you.”

Yeah, no: you leave the Grateful Dead when I say you do.

“What? No. That’s not how it works.”

Sure it does. I slapped the Franchise tag on you in Chicago, Trance.

“You’re worse than the Phish Phans.”

Dude.

…

“Yeah, okay: no one’s worse than Phish Phans.”

No.

“Listen, just between you and me? This Ween guy is making intolerable faces. I make fucked-up faces, but this guy is putting me off my feed. ”

The fat one or the ugly one?

“The ugly one.”

This face?

“Yeah. He won’t stop making it. I think someone slapped him on the back years ago while he was doing it.”

Mom was right.

“It froze like that.”

Norm MacDonald having an allergic reaction to scallops.

“If there was a corpse in an elevator, and the corpse farted, and then you got on the elevator? That would be the face you made.”

Sure.