LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

Proving once again that we still do not fully understand the world we live in, scientists at Betoota University have discovered the core of the Earth is made of hot apple pie filling.

The revolutionary findings were uncovered when lab technician Helen McCrae (28) bit into a hot apple pie and wondered why the fuck anything would ever need to be this hot.

After being treated for fifth-degree burns, McCrae hypothesized that a place as equally dense and hot, such as the centre of the Earth, would have to be comprised of the same molten, burning substance.

“It makes sense that the top layer of the Earth is called the crust,” stated McCrae in front of a formula scribbled chalkboard.

“And at the core is a substance so hot, it’s only explanation may be the existence of a higher power.”

This comment caused a stir among religious groups who while opposed to the idea of Ronald McDonald as a God-like figure, agree with certainty that Filet of Fish burgers is definitely served to adulterers in hell.

More to come.