Now this was a stupid ­human trick!

Tony Mendez had one of the best jobs in all of show business — cue-card guy for the “Late Show with ­David Letterman” — but he saw his plum gig vanish last week after losing his cool and assaulting Bill Scheft, a staff writer for the gap-toothed funnyman.

“I know I shouldn’t have put my hands on him,” Mendez, 69, confessed to The Post. “But this has been coming for a long time.”

The altercation between on-air favorite Mendez and 15-time Emmy nominee Scheft erupted on Oct. 9 before the show’s Thursday taping, but it was triggered by a verbal dustup the day before in Letterman’s dressing room, Mendez said.

“[Scheft] encroaches on my work. He tells me what to do, and I have to say, ‘I know what I’m doing.’ And a lot of time when I am making changes [to the cards], he’ll stand there looking over my shoulder, and he’ll say something like, ‘Put that on top,’ because he got an idea.

“Bill was always undermining me — making himself out as Dave’s No. 1,” Mendez said. “Trying to pretend that I wasn’t even in the room . . . little passive-aggressive things.

“As Dave is giving me a change, Bill will start yelling the same change — but his own version — because he’ll think it’s funnier. And I have to say, ‘One at a time, I can’t hear anybody!’ ”

On Wednesday, Oct. 8, the three were rehearsing in Letterman’s backstage digs at the Ed Sullivan Theater when Mendez said he reacted to one of Scheft’s interruptions, telling him, “I know what I’m doing. Get off my back.”

But suddenly Letterman growled, “Tony, your sour disposition isn’t helping,” Mendez ­recalled.

“ ‘You’re the one who has the sour disposition, mothf–ker,’ ’’ Mendez snapped back.

Mendez admitted he was “pissed off,” but said he and Letterman often traded off-color barbs. “That’s how we talk,” Mendez said. “We tell each other ‘F–k you’ and ‘Hey a–hole.’

“He doesn’t do that with anybody — but he feels comfortable with me. That brings a bit of normalcy — because everyone else is like, ‘Yes, yes, Mr. Letterman. If you want something impossible, yes, we’ll do it, Mr. Letterman.’ ”

Still, Mendez said he was hurt by the exchange with his idol and boss of 21 years.

“That night I wanted to tell Dave how much that hurt my feelings,” Mendez said. “And then I realized that this is what Bill was doing. He was trying to create a wedge between us so Dave would think I was an a–hole.”

Mendez said he stewed all night and the next morning, when he got to work, he was literally at Scheft’s throat.

“I just grabbed him by the shirt,” Mendez said. “He was very surprised. He didn’t say a word. He was cowering, his eyes were real big, he probably peed a little bit on his pants.”



I just grabbed him by the shirt … He was cowering, his eyes were real big, he probably peed a little bit on his pants. - Tony Mendez

Mendez, 5-foot-7 but with a scrappy build, threw the taller, bespectacled, 57-year-old Scheft against a wall, two CBS sources said. “I’m the first one to say I should have never put my hands on him, but I never hit him. I just grabbed him and got my face in his face,” Mendez said.

Mendez was immediately booted from the theater.

On Monday, he was told by “Late Show” executive producer Rob Burnett that he was “officially terminated.”

Sources said the show generously offered to pay Mendez’s salary and health insurance until Letterman’s run on the show ends, which could come in May.

“Dave had nothing to do with this at all,” Mendez said Friday. “He was oblivious to my problem with Bill Scheft. Even Bill was probably oblivious — he does things that he really doesn’t know he’s doing because he’s probably too wrapped up in himself, I guess.

“But now that CBS is involved, they probably said to Dave and other people, ‘Because of what he did, he can’t be there. Because we’re CBS and have zero tolerance for that kind of stuff.’ ”

Mendez had only praise for Letterman.

“Dave has never let me down,” he said. “He is the best, the most generous boss I have ever had. Dave would never do anything to harm me.”

But Letterman is often kept in the dark, or content to be there, Mendez noted.

“They have [Dave] a little isolated from everything. And he sometimes doesn’t want to hear it,” Mendez said. “The people who look down on us are the producers — people who are getting the big bucks and are in positions of power.”

Scheft, a Harvard graduate originally from Boston, did not respond to a request for comment.

Sources said the writer, who didn’t show up to work until Friday, has been telling colleagues he now has post-traumatic stress disorder.

Mendez is a celebrity in his own right, routinely featured on the “Late Show,” and is host of his own YouTube comedy show.

He joined the legendary TV host in 1993, when Letterman was at NBC, after cue-card gigs at “Saturday Night Live” and “The Hollywood Palace.”

The Cuban-born Mendez arrived in Los Angeles in 1961. He became a classically trained ballet dancer and eventually performed in Broadway shows such as “Irene” and “Pippin.”

Dave has never let me down … He is the best, the most generous boss I have ever had. - Tony Mendez

And his job is not just about holding cards — it’s about making sure the most important part of the show runs without a hitch, he said. “When he goes on stage, sometimes he’ll forget what order they were in, sometimes he doesn’t know that there’s a new joke in there,” Mendez said.

“I’m on the set of the stage, checking the cards to make sure they are not out of order . . . because things can get crazy.

“If I realize one of the jokes needs the setup for the punch line because one of the jokes before it got cut, I have to write something really fast there. Dave doesn’t like to repeat the setup.”

And Mendez would often be in on the jokes, a recurring character — playing himself — in comedy skits, or bantering with Letterman during the monologue.

Now that CBS has cued the fat lady on his “Late Show” career, Mendez said, “I don’t regret things in life. You do some things, and then you learn from them.”