It made me realise why I really, really hate it when people make posts that just say, “you’re not a wolf/cat/bunny/etc”. Like it makes me want to throw something at my computer. Because it really does remind me of classic gaslighting: wear a person down by telling them, “no, X isn’t true, you’re wrong, you’re lying” until they also start to doubt.

And I know they mean it in a different way, but the problem is… it has the same effect. And when someone has thought about something as much as the average otherkin thinks about their identity, and has reasonable reasons for believing it, and has done this for many years, yelling “NO IT’S NOT TRUE” at them… on one hand, it sounds like sticking your fingers in your ears and going LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU, MAKE THIS ASSAULT ON MY REALITY GO AWAY, and on the other hand, you’re not being a ~brave warrior of logic~ who is telling them something they have not already heard.

Instead, you are taking the complicated identity they have slowly learned to understand for their selves over many years, often understanding many other things about their selves along the way and being more healthy (studies show that a group of furries surveyed have a more healthy self-identity than the average human, suggesting that developing a non-conventional identity can help to build a stronger sense of identity too), and wearing it down with attacks that are hard to fight back against. When someone says “No you’re not” like a playground bully, how do you fight that in a rational way? You don’t. It’s designed so you can’t fight it.

Using this technique against the self-identities of innocent people who are just trying to live their lives, is abuse. That’s not “Tumblr social justice” talking, whatever that means… it’s just a fact. Going into a space that otherkin visit often, and sending messages targeted at them that simply say “You’re not a dragon, shut up, you’re lying, stop thinking this way” is abusive because it’s an attack on someone’s identity that is designed to damage something that is very important to them, and could be triggering for people who have a history of being gaslighted in this way (being told that they are lying about the abuse, it wasn’t real, etc.)

Even if someone identifies as otherkin for flawed reasons, it is not your job to reveal that. You don’t know what past history this person possibly has, and attacking them with tactics like this could make them psychologically less healthy, not more. You’re not a psychologist… don’t try to be one, particularly for people you don’t know. Any good psychologist would carefully look at someone’s history before trying to break down their identity like that (and most psychologists actually would say that having a sense of identity that supports you is healthy, even if it’s strange or not able to be proved).

So let’s look at a few words and sentences that are very similar to gaslighting and should not be used, unless you KNOW the person and have a VERY GOOD REASON to believe this is true - meaning, this is not something you should just spam on the otherkin tag:

“You’re not what you identify as.”

“You’re lying about what you feel.”

“You’re crazy/delusional.” (Gaslighters often try to make the person believe that they are crazy. Even if someone has a history of mental illness or IS mentally ill, making them doubt their reality can make them even worse.)

“You’re attention seeking.” (Also used a lot against people who have been abused.)

“No one believes you.” (OFTEN said to people who have been raped to make them shut up.)

What can you do instead? Well, don’t tell people they’re “not thinking rationally” just because of what they believe. Look at their arguments and see if they ARE thinking rationally. You probably will find that they actuallyare being just as rational as you, and, often, YOU are the one who is ignoring evidence, distorting facts, or picking the worst possible examples.

Otherkin, therians, multiples, fictives… we might be strange, but we don’t deserve the abuse we get. It’s not just a game, a little bit of internet fun. You’re laughing at people who already get laughed at everywhere else we go. That doesn’t make you big and clever, it means you pick on easy targets.

There’s a name for that kind of person. A bully, or in other words, an abuser.