Ex-partners reportedly emboldened by high court ruling have suggested they will try to get custody of children

Parents of transgender children fear their ex-partners will sue them for custody of their children after the high court ruled that a seven-year-old child who the mother perceives as transgender should be removed from her care.

Four mothers of trans children have said their ex-partners have threatened to take them to court for custody of their child in the wake of the ruling, says Mermaids, an organisation that supports young trans people and their families, which also supported the mother in the high court case.

“We have had four separate parents come forward, in cases where the ex-partner doesn’t agree with the child’s [gender] presentation,” said Susie Green, CEO of Mermaids. “All the ones that have come through so far have been the mum who has custody and the father is unsupportive.”

One of these mothers was recently served with papers from her ex-partner beginning legal proceedings regarding the care of their child. She said her ex-partner has also indicated he will try to get a court order to prevent her from allowing their child to wear female clothing to school.

The mother says that her former partner had initiated the proceedings after reading about last month’s high court decision, a ruling that she said “turned my family’s world upside down”.

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Green says the fathers have felt emboldened by the high court judgment, which ordered that a seven-year-old child should be removed from their mother because the judge ruled she had caused the child “significant emotional harm” through her determination they live “life entirely as a girl” despite being born male.

“I find that she has overborne [the child’s] will and deprived him of his fundamental right to exercise his autonomy in its most basic way,” wrote Mr Justice Hayden. “This is not a case about gender dysphoria, rather it is about a mother who has developed a belief structure which she has imposed upon her child.”

“[The fathers] have literally said: ‘I’ve seen this [the court ruling]. I’m going to take you to court,’” said Green. “Parents are very, very frightened, and rightly so.”

Another mother, Miranda, said that a few days after the high court ruling in October she was contacted by her ex-partner, who threatened to take her to court to get their child, who was born female but now identifies as male and is known as Jake, removed from her care.



“He’s quite pleased with the news [of the high court ruling] because he’s tried to have Jake taken off me in the past,” said Miranda. “I think he was almost trying to prove that it’s some kind of agenda that all single mothers have to get back at their ex-partners. He said: ‘Look, this mother’s done it too, forced their child to be of another gender.’”

Miranda says her former partner is unsupportive of Jake’s new identity, which he believes Miranda has forced on him.

“He thinks that our boy is still a girl – he’s supposed to have the clothing that Jake wants to wear, but he doesn’t,” said Miranda. “I still have female clothing if Jake chooses to wear it, you still have to be open to the possibility that he might turn around and say: ‘I’m Joanna again’, even though Jake’s telling me that’s never going to happen.”

Miranda said that after reading the news about the high court ruling she was “petrified” the same thing could happen to her.

“I just sat down and stared for quite some time,” she said. “I’m tired. I cry myself to sleep at night sometimes. But it is what it is. I know that it’s not a phase, you have an instinct for a reason, you’ve just got to fight for making sure your child’s happy.”

Other parents also expressed fears to the Guardian that in supporting their child’s trans identity they might jeopardise their right to custody of the child if that were ever contested.

Paula has a child who was born male, but identifies as a girl. She dressed in female clothes from the age of two, from the age of four she insisted on being called by female pronouns and would cry inconsolably at the thought of growing into a man, her mother said. She is now known as Emily.

“All I’ve ever done is follow her lead. I’ve not always wanted a trans kid, it’s not like it’s my parenting dream,” said Paula.

Paula says that Emily’s father, from whom she is separated, has found the situation difficult and recently said he was worried she was “putting ideas into [Emily’s] head” about cross-sex hormones, which are available to young people in the UK from the age of 16. The medication is available following a diagnosis of gender dysphoria from a gender identity clinic and after a year on hormone blockers.

“It looks like I don’t have any rights here and I’m just kind of terrified about what would happen if social services were involved,” Paula said of the high court ruling. “Would they view me the same way that this woman was viewed?”

Lucy who has a trans daughter, Evie, said that while her partner is supportive of their child’s identity, her mother is not and the court ruling has made her afraid.

“You do question it: could somebody use that [a child’s gender identity] to take your child away from you? It makes me worried that she’s going to use that against me with social services.

“You feel like you’ve done the right thing when you’ve helped your child transition. But then the court case comes out and you think: am I doing something wrong?”

Sarah Cornes, head of family law at TWM solicitors, said that while high court rulings did create precedents, and “clearly there is going to be a lot of concern” among parents in reaction to the ruling, the decisions made about where children live and how long they spend with each parent are “usually very fact-specific”.

“You can’t just say: there was a case and therefore everybody else’s situation will be affected. The overriding criteria in any case is what is in the best interests of the child,” said Cornes.

“[Being transgender] is not a phenomenon that people can deny the existence of; it’s a question of what weight would be given to the stated wishes of the child to transition. And of course it depends on the age of the child; the younger the child the greater the extent that external factors will be considered.”

* All names of parents and children have been changed.