How do we sort out Formula One? Elsewhere, Clarkson argues that wings should be banned, and it’s not a bad idea. But I think we need to go further. First, we need to answer a fundamental question.



Is F1 a pure spectacle, or a technology crucible? I’ve decided it should be the latter, because, as it is, it can never be good to watch. Professional drivers are just too consistent, and we know before the race which is the fastest car/driver combination. So the only thing that changes the result is a cock-up, a breakdown, or some dreary tactical stuff about changing tyres.



But don’t worry, because F1 as a technological struggle will be a right laugh.



Here are my rules. The first is that there are no rules, because innovation does not permit them. Progress belongs to anarchic and unreasonable people, not conformists. I would limit the length and width of the car, and the total energy consumption (in joules), but that’s it. Anything else goes. Steam power, if you can make it work.



'Your mate wants the Japanese chef to win.' James Maybetalkingbollox

My second rule is that there can be no team drivers. Instead, each week, the drivers are selected at random from the public using a system similar to British jury service; that is, a letter arrives, and unless you’re in prison, a student or about to give birth, you have to drive for McLaren for a week. Testing, practice, qualifying. It’s the law.



Pre-race interviews are already much more interesting, because they’re with a plumber, a baker, an accountant and a retired woodwork teacher, any of whom will earn £1m if they win. Rooting for the affable builders’ merchant from Manchester when your mate wants the Japanese chef to win is all part of the fun.



This is a great stimulus to the constructors. They will have to design a whole range of cars, and which one they field will depend on what sort of driver they get. The need for absolute performance will have to be weighed against usability, because you might get Lewis Hamilton on Driver Service but you might get me, or my dad. Driver aids are permitted, which will help with the development of the autonomous car, and safety will have to be of the utmost importance, because you can’t kill the general public in the name of sport.



Finally, F1 is relevant. It’s still about performance, but of a sort applicable to the car you actually buy. It has to be, because you might be driving. More to the point, next year’s Belgian Grand Prix might be won by a seamstress from Delhi.



You want to watch that, don’t you?

