NYPD sergeant Michael Iscenko has just taken first prize in the world of disgusting and assaultive ways to tell someone you like them: When he decided he found a coworker attractive, he splashed her with his semen.


The New York Daily News reports that Iscenko has been suspended, but not arrested, after being accused of tossing his bodily fluids onto a woman who he wanted to shower with romantic attention. The woman, who filed a report immediately after the incident, submitted the substance that Iscenko threw on her for testing; authorities discovered that the congealed mess that Iscenko lobbed at his victim was, in fact, semen.

According to Gothamist, the incident happened in January, but police only obtained a warrant for a DNA sample from Iscenko yesterday (to test if it’s his semen specifically), which should be absolutely no comfort to anyone.


It’s unclear exactly how Iscenko got the semen from his genitals onto the unnamed woman, but it’s probably best not to focus on that and fixate instead on the large amount of evidence against the sergeant, including victim testimony, DNA evidence, and video of the incident itself.

From Gothamist:

There is security camera video of the incident, which reportedly shows Iscenko, in uniform, crouching down behind the woman. After allegedly throwing the semen at her, Iscenko can reportedly be seen walking away. According to the News, Incenko had previously told his victim that he “liked” her.

And then there’s also this highly sad quote from the woman who was attacked, which in a just world would ensure that Iscenko would never again grace the halls of the NYPD’s organized crime department with his presence. From the New York Post:

“She suddenly felt something on her leg, looked down, and said to him, ‘What are you doing?’ “ the source said of the January incident.


Sources close to the investigation reveal that Iscenko, a 54-year-old divorcee currently residing in Queens, isn’t someone that they’d peg as engaging in sexual assault or battery, claiming that those questioned about the incident say the man always looked professional. “This is not some creepy looking pervert. He’s entirely normal looking,” reported a source, who once again has learned never to judge a book by its cover.

But the way Iscenko dressed will hopefully have no bearing on his case. You can look as fly as you want in your police uniform, but it’s still illegal to throw bodily fluids on people you’re attracted to. It’s also disgusting, misogynistic, and humiliating—but Iscenko probably knew that when he did it, anyway.


Contact the author at mark.shrayber@jezebel.com .