Abused men are ashamed to speak up, have no one to turn to and are scared they will lose custody of their children, a man who suffered abuse for three decades has cautioned.

“Domestic violence on men is real. Every day the local media and news is inundated with reports about women suffering domestic violence.

“It is so sad to hear about these matters but there are also men suffering domestic violence and yet they do not utter a word and have no one to lobby for them. Violence must be condemned, irrespective of whoever it is coming from,” James*, 60, told Times of Malta.

The man has spent half his life suffering his estranged wife’s abuse, which started off with “verbal insults and mental torture” and led to physical injuries.

He has now been kicked out of his house and proceedings are ongoing.

As he flips through family photos of his daughter, filed back to back with photos of the physical injuries he suffered over the years, James explains that he only spoke up when he was scared for the child’s life. The violence on his daughter broke him mentally, he explained.

But when he sought help, the lack of male support workers discouraged him even further.

She tried everything under the sun – filed false police reports for which I have been cleared, poured detergent in my food and hair-thinning chemicals in my hairbrush, stole my credit cards, hid my keys, did not allow me to invite relatives over, and threw cat litter and boiling water at me

James dates the abuse back to their initial years together, when his partner had asked him to give up his studies. Despite his relatives’ warnings, he went ahead with the marriage.

“She tried everything under the sun – filed false police reports for which I have been cleared, poured detergent in my food and hair-thinning chemicals in my hairbrush, stole my credit cards, hid my keys, did not allow me to invite relatives over, and threw cat litter and boiling water at me,” he said.

“I never realised that my money was going missing… does it ever cross your mind that you have to be an accountant in your own house?” he asked.

Once, she lashed out at him but he promptly moved out of harm’s way. She ended up injuring herself and accusing him of being the perpetrator.

“While out with friends and family, she would sport a huge smile, but as soon as we stepped indoors, the verbal abuse would start rolling off her tongue,” he recalled.

So why did he hang on?

Initially it was embarrassment and the belief that he could save the marriage.

Once their daughter was born, James stayed on as he wanted her to grow up with the presence of both parents, and he wanted to protect her from any men his mother might bring home.

“Once, while alone in the house, I lay face down on the floor sobbing my misery away. I begged God to take one of us and it did not matter if it was me,” he said.

James had no idea where to start looking for help and he believes that this could be driving some men to suicide.

Even now that he is away from his wife and her abuse, every night it hurts to watch the news knowing that domestic violence on men is a reality, but it is still not mentioned anywhere.

“Sometimes, one tends to forgive such behaviour and try to save the marriage, if it ever existed, but I urge fellow men to report such abuse and stop tolerating it – not even for a minute.”

Note: *name has been changed.