The Celtics and the Wizards don’t like each other. This has been percolating since last season, when then–Wiz coach Randy Wittman and Celtics forward Jae Crowder got into it during a January contest. Since then, we have all enjoyed the disdain. But when the two teams met a few weeks back, this happened:

This is the most important frame:

To be fair, John Wall slapped Jae Crowder a second later. But … come on. If this happened to me, someone would have to die. Who among us could blame John Wall and the Wizards for wanting revenge?

Good news, then: The Wiz play the Celtics on Tuesday night and they might ride to the arena in a convoy of hearses. Yes, the Wizards are going to dress in funereal black, a move usually reserved for postseason closeout games, in January. IT’S NOT EVEN THE ALL-STAR BREAK YET.

This is fantastic. Even better, the sartorial choice was suggested by the seemingly low-key Bradley Beal, suggesting that the full depths of acrimonious pettiness have yet to be reached. And … I am all the way in.

I want to grab Kevin O’Connor by the lapels and scream WHAT HAPPENED into his face for two minutes. This is like when you throw on a random European soccer match on a slow weekend and discover that two teams you’ve never heard of hate each other with all the cells in their bodies. STABBINGS IN THE STREETS? OVERTURNED CARS? THREE RED CARDS AND A BROKEN LEG? PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION SHUT DOWN? WHY DO HEARTS AND HIBS WANT TO KILL EACH OTHER?

Thanks, God of Sports Beef, for turning a random, late-January Tuesday into a must-watch NBA night.