It’s been more than a year since I first shared the story about my transgender daughter, Kai, but the ball started rolling long before it published in April 2017.

Kai transitioned publicly right before she entered kindergarten. Around that same time, the superintendent of our former school district in Pearland, Texas, gave an interview to the Houston Chronicle in which he compared bathroom use by transgender students to pedophilia and polygamy. That’s when the momma bear in me came out and an active political role became a necessity.

I started by attending school board meetings and giving speeches. As a Christian mom to a transgender kid, I couldn’t stand by and let this far right, ultra conservative, Christian man be the mouthpiece for my faith.

I couldn’t stand by and let this ultra conservative man be the mouthpiece for my faith.

We struggled with the school district all the way into Kai’s first grade year. Despite multiple requests to do otherwise, they continuously used her birth name (Joseph) and wouldn’t let her use the appropriate bathroom. My daughter, who loves school and wants to be an astrophysicist when she grows up, would come home crying.

So, over spring break of that school year, I felt it was necessary to move my family to Austin, Texas. On Kai's first day, one of the first things I noticed was a rainbow poster stating, “We’re an LGBT affirming school district.” Suddenly, Kai was just a kid with normal childhood issues. But the reality continued to hit that our battle wasn’t over.

A majority of our LGBT issues were still coming from my own community; people of faith. We’re supposed to be unified as the Church, as brothers and sisters in Christ. But the truth is that we’re always walking on a knife’s edge. Horrible things are being said and done to the LGBT community in both local and national politics. Rarely is anything mentioned without an out-of-context bible verse or “I’m praying for you” tacked onto it.

If you know our story, you know I have empathy and grace for that mindset because I used to be there. But when I was asked to be a keynote speaker at the 2017 Houston Pride, I had to walk past all the protestors screaming Bible scriptures through bullhorns and my memorized notes vanished. With my heart hurting and heavy, I got up there and started talking about God’s love for them. I apologized for the way the Church has been represented and that some of their parents have abandoned them because of the way God himself designed them. I spoke of my grief for the many ways the Church is constantly hurting this group of people who need to be loved the most. That was one of the most heartbreaking moments of my journey — wondering how many people I’d turned away from the Lord because of my judgment and condemnation. Like so many other things, Kai changed all of that.

Everything that resulted from our story made one thing very clear — we needed to keep telling it.

And more doors kept opening up for us. I had the opportunity to speak at universities around Texas, suicide prevention conferences, and marriage and family conferences. I was asked to share our journey with family therapists, mental health workers, and medical offices to better equip them to treat transgender patients. Everything that resulted from our story being told made one thing very clear — we needed to keep telling it. We had to keep fighting for acceptance and equality.

When the bathroom bill was denied during Texas' legislative session and it was called to a special session, I drove the eight-hour round trip from Austin several times a week. This so called “bathroom bill,” with all of its rhetoric, was making transgender people a target and attempting to divide our states not only between political parties, but religious lines as well. I spoke at the Interfaith Lobby Day and the Professional Woman’s Lobby Day, and I gave my testimony before Texas Senate. For a country girl who doesn’t even have proper grammar, I sure was talking a whole lot. But something was sticking. I started getting phone calls to meet privately with conservative leaders, politicians, and pastors. Everything lined up perfectly to where they could call on me, trust me, and ask me the questions that aren’t politically correct or that they just didn’t know the answers to. At the end of the day, my goal is always to bring them to a place of understanding.

This fight is exhausting — sometimes it’s demoralizing — but it’s also a really big deal. This is my daughter’s future. So even though I keep telling myself, "After this fight is won I’ll go back to nursing, I’ll go back to my ‘normal’ life," I can’t. Because this fight is in jeopardy.

Kimberly and her daughter, Kai. Courtesy of Kimberly Shappley

I want to know that if I order a cake for my daughter, I won’t be denied because it’s against his or her religion. I want Kai to be safe going into restrooms. I want her to be able to get legally married. So when Equality Texas, the oldest and largest Texas state LGBT organization asked me to be their Faith Outreach Coordinator, I couldn’t pass it up. They saw that my outreach in the faith community was an important part of the solution and it’s been a blessing to continually share God’s love for the LGBT community.

Since our story first appeared on GoodHousekeeping.com, I’ve appeared on the Today show and Vice HBO — as a matter of fact, Kai and I both make an appearance in HBO’s Pride commercial. We’ve also been featured on Huffington Post and several other national women’s magazines. I’m also so proud to have won LGBT Activist of the Year for the FACE (First Achievers in Community Excellence) Awards in Houston.

I always say that Kai turned me into an accidental advocate, and that’s a title I’m proud to bear. Because through all of my activism, I’m trying to prepare my kids for the world. But with the uniqueness of being Kai’s mom, what I’m really trying to do is prepare the world for her.

To continue following Kai's story, go here.

If you or someone you know is a transgender person who is struggling, you can call the Trans Lifeline at 877-565-8860. Trans Lifeline is a non-profit dedicated to the well-being of transgender people and staffed by transgender people, for transgender people.



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