What it’s really like to have a circumcision as an adult

WARNING: The following article contains some graphic details

Do you want to know the definition of uncomfortable? Getting circumcised at the age of 20.

Yep – that’s me.

I’m going to articulate why it is and I’d like the parents of every new baby-boy to pay particular attention.

Now, you’ll need to excuse that we’re going to enter some delicate territory, but this is important stuff and I don’t want the message to get lost...

Parents, it sucks – get it done for your boys, and get it done when they’re young.

To start, you may ask why I’d choose to do this at 20, in the second of my University years, as I was flourishing into a young man able to woo and win the affection of women?

View this post on Instagram A post shared by Matt de Groot (@mattdegroot_) on Feb 6, 2018 at 12:32am PST

It was medical - on the advice of my doctor who at 11am recommended it to me and at 3pm had me under a local anaesthetic making key alterations to a very key part of my anatomy.

But it’s not the procedure itself that’s the issue, it’s the recovery.

Toddlers have no idea what’s happening to or around them, it all just makes them cry, but adults are very aware of changes to their body and tears are no longer the answer.

I was aware what was happening, and I wanted to cry.

The first problem is that for weeks after the bandaging around it needs to be changed every time you go to the toilet.

It means every quick visit to the loo becomes a 25-minute surgical celebration of unwrapping-rewrapping-stuffing it up-doing it again-repeat. This hassle is magnified if, like me, you have a frighteningly small bladder.

That may be fine if it was the only side-effect of getting this done as a young adult, but no - the significantly more crippling issue is the stitches.

Now before I detail this for you let me provide a smidge of context to my life at this point.

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After coming off a childhood of being a larger version of myself, with frosted hair-tips, and pasty skin I was starting to get myself together and had secured my first real girlfriend.

We were both at Uni, unshackled by the high-school constraints of living at home and we were keen to make the most of that freedom…

I’ll say this simply and I’ll say this once – the stitches are applied when you are at a rested state.

The stitches SHOULD be applied when you are at your most activated state, because unlike your body stitches don’t stretch.

You know that feeling when you’re trying to muffle a laugh in class – it’s impossible, right?

Try forcing yourself not to get turned-on when your body intrinsically wants to, often; it doesn’t matter that you know you’ll effectively be trying to inflate a balloon wrapped in a crown of thorns, it’s happening anyway.

Statistically young-adult males achieve an average 11 erections a day, I can confirm this figure does not change when you are in the shadows of major-modification surgery. Three weeks may as well have been three years.

The final stage of recovery took me by surprise and while it may sound fun, funny or even desirable, it absolutely isn’t.

View this post on Instagram A post shared by Matt de Groot (@mattdegroot_) on Aug 11, 2018 at 4:30pm PDT

See, once the stitches are removed and the bandaging is gone an extremely sensitive area of your anatomy is now encountering objects it’s never really met before, like the inside of your boxers.

Suddenly walking started to feel good … very good.

The walk from my Uni room to the classroom was about nine minutes; statistically the average male will reach climax within six minutes of uninterrupted activity.

It brought the group I’d walk with to lectures unending joy when I’d subconsciously start walking faster and faster and faster.

It took me around two weeks to be able to complete the walk without (reluctantly) having to stop and collect myself.

So parents, the message is simple, don’t make the mistake my folks did and leave your son to experience this hell, get the snip done and get it done early.