Manchester United called a surprise press conference this afternoon to unveil their new signing.

In a packed press room at Old Trafford, Jose Mourinho for once looked happy and relaxed as he chatted with reporters before the briefing.

Luckily, we had our ace reporter, Bill Muffleberg on hand to send over to the press conference to find out what the hell was going on.

Mourinho and a few hand selected staff were situated at the press table as they gave out details, he told the eagerly awaiting press audience about the new Manchester United signing:

“Today, is a great day for the club and I’m happy to announce a crucial addition to our squad. I believe this is the missing piece of the jigsaw, we’re now complete. We have today completed the transfer of a new bus.”

The transfer fee of the new bus from an Italian transport company is undisclosed, but believed to be around £34

Mourinho continued:

“I would like to take this moment to thank our old bus from last season, which helped us win so many points, especially at home against smaller sides. But it almost played every game, and a long season of parking the bus has taken its toll.”

Questions came from the press gallery after the announcement about the new bus, Mourinho added:

“The new bus is Italian made, it’s a classic ‘bus parker’ and they have even painted it all fancy so hopefully that will keep the fans happy.” We should all be happy today, and look forward to more bus parking in the new season.”

Report by: Alice Fluander