on the same blissful day, i received two packages. one was suspiciously heavy. the other was a velveeta box. with two reddit gift exchanges pending, i was just buzzing with anticipation. when i popped the seal on the extraordinarily heavy box, i was slightly apprehensive. what simple pleasure could be this hefty? the answer? basically everything that made childhood magical and wonderful and exciting! i invite you to follow along in the second picture as i take you on a tour of the contents of this box of epicness. seriously, fasten your seatbelts. in the top left, we have icepops. yes, you read that right. those amazing sleeves of ecstasy that made summer camp worth the hours in the sun. those tubes of delight that caused a gleeful choking hazard amongst so many children. well, i've got a whole bag of them. jealous? moving to the right, you will see the biggest bottle of bubbles ever. i mean seriously, i could probably run a taxi service for glinda the good witch with this. watch out, neighborhood -- you're about to get BUBBLED! to the right you will see a book of poetry -- and i admit, this may seem out of place at first amidst the bright colors of the other childhood joys. but my santa, against all odds, recognized my username as a quote from a poem and included one of their favorite volumes of poetry -- which, from my first perusal, looks like an enthralling and enriching read. i'm looking forward to unexpectedly indulging in one of my more grown-up simple pleasures: good poetry with a used book smell. but just in case that kind of sentimentality isn't your thing, let's pick up the pace and continue eastwards to a book of sudoku (a traditional pasttime in my family), an epic glowstick (i cannot even begin to explain how excited i am to freak out my neighbors with these some night), a WATERGUN (students, beware -- your teacher is packing some watery heat!), and runts (how did you know i adore these suckers???)!

i'll be inviting the whole complex out for a friendly sidewalk art competition with the box of chalk, and when they all show up... (move eyes to bottom right corner) they'll be bombarded with silly string! and suction cup darts! i've never had a suction cup gun, and i have no idea what the right name for it is, but they always looked SO FUN from movies!

at some point i will have to calm down enough to speak without using exclamation points after every word. the super putty might help with that, providing a meditative kneading toy. the pixie sticks, however, are sure to destroy that zen in no time, and bring back a cavalcade of exclamation marks and childish glee! wrapping it all up, you can see the awesome letter that my amazingly thoughtful santa included. thank you so much for the box of epic ridiculousness! i'm looking forward to hours of gleeful summertime fun :-)