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“IF you’re going to be a bear, be a grizzly,” sighed Enda Kenny last night, downing shot after shot in a Washington DC branch of Hooters during what may be his last St. Patrick’s trip to the US as Taoiseach.

The caretaker Taoiseach, who failed to drum up enough support to retain his leadership following a disastrous general election, left an embassy function when he suddenly decided the night was young, and he may not get another one like it for quite some time.

The Mayo native asked his driver to take him somewhere he could “see some fine young ones” while drinking his fill and maybe eating some chicken wings, at which point he was brought to a local Hooters outlet.

“If they let me stay as Taoiseach, the first thing I’m going to do is open one of these Hooters places in Dublin” said Kenny, while eyeing up a hotpants-clad waitress carrying him his third plate of garlic mushrooms.

“Sure we’ve all the makings of it at home; good looking girls, drink, chicken; we just need to…”.

Kenny trailed off, bringing his outstretched fingers together.

“Mesh them all together, like they’ve done here”, he finished.

An aide to Mr. Kenny stepped in at around midnight to remind him that he was supposed to meet the First Lady in the morning, to which Enda replied that “she’ll be alright so she will” before sinking a Jagerbomb.