CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Tim Cahill has today finally addressed allegations that he refuses to age, following the news that veteran soccer star is on course to appear at a fourth straight World Cup Finals.

“I dunno aye” said Cahill, in an interview earlier today.

“I look in the mirror and I look exactly the same each day. Have done for twenty years”

“Like, no wrinkles, grey hairs. Nothing”

“This is why I’m still playing. No one is better than me, and I still feel like playing, so why the hell not?”

Local expert in the ageing of soccer players, Dr Warren, says it’s got him stumped.

“What’s going on aye?”

“He looks like he could be twenty. But he’s looked that way for like twenty years”

However, for the rest of Australia, 90% of which aren’t overly interested in soccer until we are winning matches against Italy – Cahill is the only option for selection in the upcoming World Cup.

“He’s a gun mate” says a random bloke in the South Betoota Hotel’s Ubet kiosk.

“We need him”

With that kind of national conversation happening in pubs and workplaces around the country, it is clear that another year of Cahill is the only way to go.