Charlie Sheen has had multiple delusional fantasies about tiger blood, warlocks and Adonis DNA, but his dreams of becoming Spider-Man have to be some of the most hilarious to date. Just think of the name Sheen next to other film Spideys Andrew Garfield and Tobey Maguire, and try not to laugh or cringe. Also, try not to imagine the Two and a Half Men star wearing anything resembling spandex. THR reports that Sheen revealed previous plans to take on the Marvel film character, which he chatted about on Jay Mohr's new episode of his podcast series, Mohr Stories.

"I had an office at Orion at the time, and I brought them Spider-Man," Sheen told Jay. "I said, 'Look, in a couple of years, I'll be too old to play Peter Parker.' And they said, 'Yeah, we're just thinking that cartoons are not the future, comic books are not the future.' And I said, 'But it's Spider-Man, I'm perfect.' And they were like, 'Nah, we're gonna wait.'" Dear, God.

Sheen also suggested that rights to the project wouldn't have been an issue. "I had a guy in my pocket who was going to get them for me," he assured Mohr. Orion later went bankrupt, and Sheen's only retort to that was, "They didn't know sh*t." THR points out that years after Sheen tried to convince everyone he could play Peter Parker, his father — the sane Martin Sheen — starred as Uncle Ben in the 2012 reboot. Sorry, Charlie. There will always be porn stars and public meltdowns, but your comic book dreams ain't no thing.