BREAKING: Uber Rejected Michael Cohen’s Offer to Work as Fashion Consultant

New York: During the early months of the presidency, Trump’s personal lawyer Michael Cohen offered Uber, and several other corporations, services as a fashion consultant. It’s unclear what experience Michael Cohen has in fashion but since the Trump presidency began, Cohen has been dabbling in many fields. He worked as a radio tower for AT&T for example. A spokesman for AT&T explained that ‘Cohen’s lanky frame made him ‘perfect for picking up cell phone frequencies.’ Michael Cohen’s lawyer David Schwartz explained, “There’s not enough good things I can say about Michael. He’s an excellent lawyer, consultant and radio tower. How talented can a man be?”

Experts in the fashion industry disagreed. Famous Swedish designer François Bjørnson was very critical when he spoke to us on the matter. “You can’t be serious. He looks like a clown.” After learning of this comment Schwartz rebuked, “Frank hasn’t even caught on to the plaid suit trend yet. How can anyone trust his opinion on fashion? And I’ll have you know Mr. Cohen is a professional clown in the Comcast Corporation where he is paid twenty grand above market rate.