The afternoon is the most awkward of times: small wonder we need so many rules to help us get through it. "When stirring your tea," reads one of the injunctions in the Tea Cosy, "kindly refrain from clinking the sides of your cup. Gently swish the tea back and forth being careful not to touch the sides of your cup." I know that if I were to pay a visit to the Tea Cosy, I would succumb to the urge to hold my teacup with my big toe, or to stir my tea with my tongue, or to start gossiping in a very, very loud voice about Princess Michael of Kent. On the other hand, if I were to become the proprietor, I would be tempted to introduce a few more rules of my own, among them: "Patrons who look at the cake trolley and exclaim EITHER 'Oooh, I really shouldn't - but I will' OR 'I'm being awfully naughty!' will be shown the exit."