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Dear Sally-Ann Salsano,

Thank you so so much for finally granting me my transfer request. I know three requests might be excessive, but it worked, right! I truly cannot thank you enough. Being around these people made me completely lose faith in humanity. There has never been a greater concentration of shallow, miserable and profoundly damaged people in one house. Now that I am officially no longer a part of this show, I think it's safe to say that there is nothing more dangerous than a family of sociopaths with inflated senses of entitlement. If you're wondering what happened to the kid who eats worms because he can't tell the difference between good and bad attention, he grew up and calls himself "The Situation." If you're wondering how low human beings can go before they stop being humans, watch the raw footage of this season. If you're wondering why God abandoned us, it's because he will never stop blaming himself for his indirect responsibility in making this show possible by inventing life.

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Still, that's in the past, because I'm off the show. Thanks again, I'm really looking forward to my new gig. Never heard of the show, but it sounds great!

Best,

-Joey

Intern, A Triple Shot of Love with Tila Tequila

Check out more from Dan in the brand new Cracked.com book!

Or find out what else he had to say about reality TV, in Bridalplasty: The New Reality Show That Proves We're Doomed.