BUFFALO—Bragging about his own hardcore dedication to being removed from sports facilities, local fan Rob Henderson reportedly questioned Sunday how his acquaintance Derek Shaw could possibly call himself a fan of the Buffalo Bills if he had never been banned from entering New Era Field. “Listen, I’ve been banned from this place since it was called Rich Stadium, and this guy comes in saying he’s had a ‘seat’ inside there for every game the past two years? Who does he think he is?” said Shaw, ranting that he was tired of dealing with bandwagon fans who had never even gotten ejected for fighting by the concession stands, throwing up on their neighbor, or shouting racist epithets at players. “If you can make it through 10 straight Bills games and not get permanently barred from entering the field and parking lot, I just don’t think you really love this team. It’s in my blood. My father lost his season tickets, my grandpa lost his season tickets, and one day, God willing, I’ll get to see my son get chased down by security, blind drunk and half-nude. Can he say the same? Poser.” At press time, Shaw was showing off his Bills fan bona fides by watching the game on his phone in the backseat of his car after getting kicked out of a local sports bar.

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