I address frequently encountered issues in the visual novel community, with a focus on pragmatic solutions rather than long-winded explanations.





Issue: I really like <insert type of VN>, but I can't find others like it, or I've already played through all the suggested titles.

Answer: There's over 17k VNs in VNDB's database. 2356 are available in English. The sorts of VNs you're looking for are almost certainly there. Time to learn Japanese.





Issue: JAST USA is really slow, and it licenses nearly finished fan translations and sits on them for years before releasing them.

Answer: Time to learn Japanese. You'll probably finish before JAST does.





Issue: Companies keep licensing eroge and releasing them censored on Steam.

Answer: They're doing this because few people buy eroge, whereas Steam users are more than happy to overpay for softcore porn. Time to learn Japanese.





Issue: JAST/Nukaku is censoring my lolis / guro / scat / all the content I'm interested in. It's really ticking me off.

Answer: Distribution of offensive pornographic content is restricted in much of the English-speaking world. Time to learn Japanese. Also, best not to import the stuff, or you could end up like this guy . Oh, and here's a list of all the censored games to weep over.



Issue: Original English VNs are terrible. Help!

Answer: Yes, the English VN market has thus far failed to attract professional game developers, especially when it comes to sexual content. Time to learn Japanese.





Issue: The game I'm interested in has a fan translation or a fan translation in progress, but the translation is terrible or the project is stalled.

Answer: Fan translators cannot be relied upon to provide high-quality translations quickly and reliably. They have real jobs / studies that take precedence. Time to learn Japanese.





Issue: The game I'm interested in has a professional translation or a professional translation in progress, but the translation is terrible or the project is stalled.

Answer: Professional translators cannot be relied upon to provide high-quality translations quickly and reliably. They have real jobs / studies that take precedence. Time to learn Japanese.





Issue: Localization companies pick mediocre or short titles I have no interest in. Why can't they release something I want like <insert title from Type-Moon, Eushully, or other famous developer here>?

Answer: Japanese companies don't care what you want, and neither do localization companies. They want profits, and releasing titles people want is often unfeasible or unprofitable. Time to learn Japanese.





Issue: I tried text hooking with machine translation so I could play Japanese VNs, but I can't understand it or it's too frustrating to use.

Answer: Understanding machine translation requires practice and exposure. It's a bit like learning a new language. If you'd rather not learn machine translation, you could learn Japanese instead.





Issue: Learning Japanese is hard. Like, really hard.

Answer: Yes, it's one of the most difficult languages for a native English speaker to learn. The US government estimates that Yes, it's one of the most difficult languages for a native English speaker to learn. The US government estimates that 2200 hours of intensive study is required to gain basic proficiency in Japanese . To add insult to injury, Japanese has a special asterisk next to it reading, "Languages preceded by asterisks are usually more difficult for native English speakers to learn than other languages in the same category". That means they lied; it actually takes significantly more than 2200 hours to learn the language. Good luck.





So there you go: practical solutions to frequently encountered issues. I hope everyone finds this guide helpful.



If you liked this post, check out my other parodies as well as the infamous parody So You Want to Learn Japanese.