After years of convincing students that Georgia Tech is the best school outside of Michigan, California, Massachusetts, and Pennsylvania, the Georgia Tech Administration has decided to address the mental trauma present in so many of our students living in a state of prolonged rejection. No, we’re not talking about standard GT “she is just too dumb to understand why overweight men and neckbeards are beautiful” rejection, we’re talking about rejection by engineering schools that are totally not that good and that our students didn’t want to go to anyway.

Yesterday, the Georgia Tech counseling center announced the addition of an MIT-Reject Therapy Group. Thomas Anderson, the Director of the Georgia Tech Counseling Center, told us, “Our students are all academically brilliant, but their exceptional levels of awkwardness are why they choose Georgia Tech by default because everyone else was really weirded out by them in interviews.”

The Crouton reached out to Jackson Hayshire, an Admissions Counselor at the Georgia Tech of the North (MIT), for a comment on the unprecedented move by Georgia Tech. He said, “Whenever we sit down to do an interview you can immediately tell if the student is going to become a Georgia Tech student. It’s something about the inability to make eye contact or talk directly to women that really gives it away.”



The Counseling Center has released a preliminary list of topics for their first few meetings:

Feb. 28: MIT isn’t even that good and they were basically my safety school

March 7: It’s cold in Boston and I enjoy 94° weather with 100% humidity way more than the snow

March 14: We technically have more women

March 21: They don’t even have a football team and I totally went to a game once

March 28: They filmed that google movie here so that's kinda cool I guess

April 4: Like, what’s even the difference between #1 and #7? It’s basically the same thing at that point

Disclaimer: This article is a work of satire. None of the events described below occurred in real life. None of the opinions expressed reflect those of Georgia Tech.