The new bike lanes on Tal-Balal Road in San Gwann were designed to kill as many cyclists as possible, Transport Minister Ian Borg confirmed today.

After the new lanes appeared on the roundabout near Liquid nightclub in recent days, cyclists were quick to point out that the way they criss-crossed the road and ended abruptly would lead to potentially fatal accidents.

“Well, duh. I personally designed those lanes myself to cause maximum carnage”, Borg said during a press conference, adding that while he found cyclists amusing at first, they had recently started to annoy him.

“They’re constantly buzzing in my ear like a mosquito with ADHD. ‘We want a cycle lane’; ‘The cycle lane you gave us isn’t safe’; ‘The cycle lane leads straight into a wall.’ I’ve had it up to here with their whining. So from now on I’m doing everything in my power to wipe out every last one of those lycra-wearing pansies.

“It’s just a shame the Prime Minister vetoed my idea for the Tal-Balal lane to lead into a snake pit.”

Borg also said he would soon be introducing a scheme whereby motorists who brought him at least 10 crushed and bloodied crash helmets would receive tax credits.

“The only thing that turns me on more than the Marsa flyover is the thought of a dead cyclist,” he concluded before heading to Attard to chop down some trees.

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