Name: Vanilla Honey

Age: 24

Occupation: Architect, designer

Can you describe what you do for a living?

I work as an architectural designer at a firm in Brooklyn. I am on the track for licensure. I do many things, but most of my days are spent drawing and redesigning buildings using software called AutoCAD. I work on mostly residential projects at the moment.

How long have you been in that job?

I graduated May 2018. I was a student for five years, studying architecture and gender studies. I have been working at my current firm for seven months.

How would you describe your clothing that you wear to work?

I wear very simple, comfortable clothing to work. My typical look is black pants with a black top, black-heeled leather boots, and my black leather jacket. My whole closet is black, and I always need some leather on me – it’s my armor. Sometimes I’ll wear one of my leather harnesses too.

When did you first get involved in fetish dressing?

Three and a half years ago. I was living in London at the time and I had already begun to explore BDSM and kink. There are so many amazing fetish shops there and I came across one in Camden Market. When I walked in, I was overwhelmed and excited by the smell of leather and latex. I bought my first piece that day. It was a black leather cone bra and thong set. I still have it and every time I see it or wear it, I am reminded of that day.

How do you literally get into your outfit?

It depends on the outfit. Latex generally takes longer to put on especially larger pieces. There’s lots of lube involved. With any material, the more layered, heavy, and/​or complex the pieces, the more time it takes to put on. When I start to dress for a scene, or a kink party, my mind goes into a meditative state. My experience begins when I start getting dressed. There is a ceremonious aspect to kink that I cherish.



Can you tell me about something amazing you witnessed there?

Once Bound moved to Elsewhere, there was so much more space and opportunities for performances. My favorite performance by far was one of Lindsay Dye’s cake-sittings. I had wanted to see her perform for a while and my mind was blown once I did. It was absolutely gorgeous; I was completely mesmerized. I stood up close to the stage, front row. As the cake was smashed and smothered and spread more and more, streaming across her skin, I remember flecks of frosting flying off of her and landing on me. The scent of sugar alone was hypnotizing and my mouth began to water. Her performance was one of the most beautiful, creative, and enthrallingly sexy performances I’ve witnessed to this day.

What does it mean to you to personally to have found this scene?



It means everything. When I realized I was kinky and interested in BDSM it felt like I was discovering myself for the first time. I was always kinky but I didn’t have a language in order to understand it and how I was connected to it. I didn’t understand it as a culture yet either. I realized my kinkiness at the same time I realized my queerness as well, which was overwhelming in the best way. I felt like I could breathe finally. These deeply important parts of my sexuality came into focus. BDSM is the closest connection I’ve ever had to religion. For me and many, it is deeply spiritual, healing, and ritualistic. Now it is a major part of my life, my identity and culture, something. I practice and live consciously everyday.



Does your fetish dress extend to your sexual encounters? If so, how?

My first thought when reading this question was how ​“sexual” or ​“sex” is being understood and asked about in the context of this interview. BDSM play and sex can be defined very differently and are certainly not always connected at all. There are many meanings and interpretations of what sex is. But what I will say is that for me, BDSM plays a major role in all my sexual and erotic play. My fetish wear is usually incorporated but not always. This depends on the scene or type of play and can change during a scene. It’s super contextual. BDSM toys/​tools can also be part of my look and my role for a scene, which I use very often as well.

What do you wish more people knew about this subculture, so to speak?

This is such a big question. There is such minimal accessible and inclusive education available to help us better understand our bodies, minds, sexualities, and consent in general. So to zoom into kink and BDSM seems out of order. At the same time, understanding the root of BDSM’s consent protocols could be a really helpful way for outsiders looking in to understand kink culture and simultaneously, the ways in which kink culture can lead as an example for other sexual and cultural practices. There are much larger oppressive systems that need to change first in order to truly deconstruct the stigmas around kink culture that remain prominent today. Like anything else, when you are unfamiliar with something, do research, ask questions, and listen more in order to learn. Everyone has a relationship to their sexuality and it is theirs. I will always encourage ethical, consensual, and (health-consciously) safe exploration. It’s important and more of us need to make time to explore this apart of ourselves. Enjoy your journey.