Utah, Mormons and Gay Marriage

An Open letter to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Mormons, and all people who have an opinion of them.

Doctrine and Covenants Section 134 Verse 9:

We do not believe it just to mingle religious influence with civil government, whereby one religious society is fostered and another proscribed in its spiritual privileges, and the individual rights of its members, as citizens, denied.

That is Mormon scripture. And this is from Wikipedia:

There are “1,049 federal statutory provisions in which benefits, rights, and privileges are contingent on marital status or in which marital status is a factor.”

I have lived outside of Utah for over five years and I can tell you that Mormons and Utah are synonymous. Some people don’t even remember that the Olympics were held there, but they know that that’s where the Mormons live. Being from Utah is the best talking point at parties. When I tell people I’m from Utah there is always a Mormon-related follow-up question, never an immediate subject change away from the Beehive State. Never. The only reason I make this point is because Mormons need to understand something; Regardless of their personal beliefs and understandings, whatever the state of Utah does in it’s attempt to reverse marriage equality it will not be separated from the Mormon church in people’s minds.

Now, why do I care? I’m a gay man living in New York. Sure I was raised Mormon and grew up in Utah, but that is the extent to which I identify with those two parts of my life today. But I do care. I don’t choose to live in Utah, but I love it. I’m proud to be from there and I enjoy visiting. In fact, I tell other people they should visit. It’s a beautiful place filled with beautiful people. Most of my family is Mormon and they are the best people I know. The members of my family who are Mormon love their religion and they truly live the principles it teaches. I wish you could know them, because they are good and kind and they would make you laugh.

I was taught as a Mormon that God founded his one true church in the USA because of the principles of equality and freedom on which this country was founded, equality and freedom that can only exist when there is a separation of church and state. I was also taught about the persecution that Mormons suffered at the hands of people who viewed them as, “wrong before God.” Mormons were driven from their homes, beaten, murdered, and raped. If you’re paying attention to national and international news then you’re aware that gays and lesbians are being beaten, murdered, raped, and driven from their homes. The parallels are striking. If only history wasn’t so easily forgotten then it wouldn’t keep repeating itself. Sometimes I think the human race is just trying to learn one lesson in a billion different ways.

I have this fantasy, actually, I guess it’s two fantasies:

The first is a little vindictive, I’ll admit. In it, the Church comes out in support of marriage equality because they realize that it will be a PR nightmare to oppose it in 2014, and an even greater nightmare as the years go by. They realize that someday they will be seen the same way we look at those people who opposed racial equality. I know that the Mormon church is not led by a bunch of fanatical, non-thinking idiots. They’re educated men and women and I refuse to believe that they can’t see the writing on the wall, or the poll numbers in the paper, or the countries around the world with marriage equality, or the countries around the world that are criminalizing homosexuality rather than accept it as a naturally occurring human phenomenon. They must see that there are only two directions. And if they think we’re going back to a time before iPhones and Instagram, they’re wrong. #NoWay #NoHow

In the second fantasy the church comes out and says that they were wrong to ever oppose marriage equality. They don’t even change what they believe about “same sex attraction,” as they call it, they still believe it’s wrong and that gays are bound for lower kingdoms of glory in the afterlife. Even I don’t have a good enough imagination to picture Mormons letting gays get married in their temples. But that’s not necessary. All they have to do is demand our government do what it should have done for their early pioneer ancestors, serve and protect us all equally.

There is a quote that was shared with me by a kind Mormon woman, it’s from Wallace Goddard, a Mormon, who wrote:

“Years ago God taught me that I only have the right to correct those I love. When impatient indignation and annoyed disdain fill my soul, I cannot be a messenger for the God whose name is love. Godly correction probably doesn’t look like correction at all. God expects me to help those in need, not judge them. When we have a specific stewardship for a person, we may undertake correction. But I think we should ask ourselves two questions first: Do I love this person with all my heart? Is my objective to lift this person toward Christ?”

It is so much easier to correct your mistakes and admit you were wrong when the person who was right loved and supported you, withholding judgement, through it all. It’s hard to love someone when they don’t behave the way you believe they should, every parent and god knows that. But every human needs someone to love them, whether they’re going to hell, or not. Because when you fail to love that one person who needs you, then you’ve already sent them to hell.

My dear Utah, be the people that I believe you to be. Show this country what Christ-like love really looks like and you will save people’s lives! You will heal hearts and entire families. And those are things that Amendment 3 will never do.

Please Google “gay teen suicide.” And if you’re looking for more reading on this subject I found the following links very straightforward:

Doctrine and Covenant Section 134

QSaltLake: Reach out in love.

The Salt Lake Tribune: Rolly: Utah state senator needs to review constitutional law

Timeline of Mormon Thinking About Homosexuality