i am not your nice girl

You know what one of my biggest – but not the biggest, not at all, but, nevertheless, big – problems with the Nice Guy phenomenon is? One I have never seen discussed, which is why I am doing it now– it’s this: that I don’t want to date a nice boy.

There. I said it. I don’t want to fuck a nice boy. I don’t want to fuck a nice boy who never gets angry, who won’t start a fight and finish it, who would never ever tell a guy who needs to go fuck themselves to go fuck themselves. I’m not interested in someone who uses ‘nice’ as a synonym for 'silent’ or 'passive’, who wants to float along in the world as it is without trying to change anything– without even believing that anything needs to change. There is a lot wrong with the world! There is a lot wrong with the world, and I want to do something about it, and I want the guy (if it’s a guy, as I’m bisexual, but we’re assuming for the purpose of this exercise that they would be) I date to want to do something about it, too.

I want to date someone vicious. I want to date someone who isn’t afraid of street confrontation or not always saying the polite thing or having some people take an instant dislike to you– him, me, both of us together, because we’re together, because we threaten. I want him not to care that some people hate him, that some people hate me. I want him to love me for all the reasons that other men call me a 'bitch’, but never call me one himself, because he understands that isn’t his word to use. I want him to be confident and arrogant and clever. I want someone who makes me feel like an equal and someone who is equal to me.

Because that’s my most fundamental problem with Nice Guys telling me I should want them and society telling me I should want to want a nice boy– I am not a nice girl. I have no interest in being a nice girl! I would like to a be a decent girl, a kind girl, a girl who helps strangers and stands up for herself and tries to do the right thing. None of this makes me nice. None of this makes me want to be nice. None of this makes me want the nice guy, because nice guys think they’re better than me, because they are “nice” and I am not. Because I argue back and I’m difficult and I am not going to stop doing either of those things. Because to be a girl who can get what she wants in our society means arguing and being difficult and not sitting down and shutting up.

I want someone righteously angry. I want someone who sees oppression everywhere and wants to do something about it (in a respectful way which acknowledges their own privileges) and who won’t tell me that I’m 'making a big deal’ or that I am being 'hysterical’ or 'getting angry about nothing.’ I want someone willing to go the distance. I want a boy who isn’t nice and will never ask me to be, either. I want a partner in revolution. Stop telling me that I should want anything else.