Order in chaos and chaos in order.

Jordan B. Peterson, now internet-famous for his insights and contributions with regards to psychology and ideology, describes “yin and yang” as “order and chaos” — two pillars that the world rests on.

Order and chaos, and even more importantly, the balancing act between them, is vital to understanding life itself. It’s vital to understanding how we can navigate through life and overcome the suffering and struggle that is so central to being itself.

One interpretation of this concept can be applied broadly to the choice of any individual trying to decide what to do in life. Often, we do what others do, consciously or not. There is structure in this way of life. We can diverge and converge in relation to established structures as we please, but we’re all part of a global society, and we’re all influenced by the cultural frameworks that it encompasses.

To diverge from the structure is scary. It’s treading the path into uncertainty. We base our choices on expectations, but how do you know what to expect if you’re venturing into new territory? How do you know where the path will lead if you don’t know anyone who has walked it before?

This balance is one that every person has to find for themselves to lead the life they want.

It is critical, because change emerges on that fine line between order and chaos. To gain experience and insight, you must subject yourself to the discomfort of chaos, but to stay sane, there must be structure in your life.

The more I consider this way of thinking, navigating the order and chaos, the more applicable it feels.

I’m a university student (B.Eng. in mechanical engineering if you’re curious).

The environment that is provided to me is highly structured in some ways. Being a student is basically a commitment to a predetermined set of actions for a large amount of time in order to obtain a predictable result. It’s orderly and comfortable. Sure, studying mechanics and mathematics isn’t always particularly fun, but the path to success is fairly clear within the academic context, and most likely, if I just focus on studying those subjects for the next couple of years, I’ll be able to land a decent job and a decent salary, not having to worry much at all.

On the other hand, the reason a person studies at a university is to build competence and skills, not just academically, but as a person. Particularly at a time in history where artificial intelligence is thundering forward, many experts seem to emphasize the importance of developing meta-skills, since anything you learn will likely be obsolete within your lifetime. Instead of focusing on a certain curriculum, the advice is to focus on your ability to learn, your ability to deal with stress, your ability to deal with chaos.

As well as being a student, I’m a very curious person. Everyone is probably curious, but when I look at my peers, I feel like I’m a bit on the obsessive side, relatively. Honestly, I don’t feel like I’m thriving particularly well in the orderly environment of my university. I’m learning a lot about engineering, and I’m quite comfortable, but it feels numbing. The thought of the opportunity cost of simply auto-piloting through my degree seems higher than that of taking a year off to pursue my curiosities, delaying my graduation date.

And therein lies the problem, I think. Why am I so scared to just go for it, even when the rational answer seems to be that there is a good chance going against the grain will lead me down a path that allows me to develop more optimally? If the only thing I have to lose is being set back a year, but the potential upside is that I’ll start a business, learn to learn, develop into a stronger person and realise what a wealth of opportunity lies at my feet, why haven’t I stopped going to class already?

I guess it comes down to “nature vs nurture”:

Am I scared because deep down, I have intense fear of the unknown and because I’m terrified of the possibility that I’m wrong and that doing something that I don’t see my peers do could ruin my life?

Or am I scared because I’m a social creature, and going against the grain is in itself a terrifying proposition? Is there a reason for the particularly blend of order and chaos that young adults are offered by society? Or is the structure that seems so numbing actually inhibiting my growth?

I wish I knew the answer. I’ve felt a split for a long time, ever since high school, between what I felt was expected and between what I thought would lead me towards my goals. I guess I’ll find out if I have the courage to listen to myself, or if I’ll eventually give in and rid myself of that youthful naivety that fuels the hallucinations of what could be. For now, I’ll join the group of those who are trying to discover what the real world holds in store for them, not really daring to take the first step into it.