Dear minions,

You know what really makes me want to throw-back a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster?

… drunk Scottish men lifting their kilts to strangers in Poland.

Not because they horrify Polish residents who feel such behaviour is inappropriate…

Not because they risk getting frostbite on their genitals when they inevitably pass-out in a gutter…

I’m not even upset this could stir up a debate that might end with Poland banning “men-in-skirts” (or at least result in a law making underwear obligatory).

Nope, I just don’t see the downside to that stuff.

What bothers me is how this will impact the price of alcoholic beverages in Poland!

WHAT?! Don’t mess with the beer!

Poland is a major destination for tourists because of the cheap beer. Cheap bear, however, is also the primary contributing factor explaining why Scots are running around Poland exposing themselves… Unfortunately, rather than turning towards the regular stuff like violence, drinking & driving, or really bad karaoke, drunk Scots are perfectly content hiding behind tree’s ready to flash unsuspecting victims.

This sort of behaviour is generally ill-received…

In fact, many polish citizens have reported feeling frightened upon discovering what the drunk Scots have under their kilts…

But how does this affect the price of beer?

First of all, drunk Scots can only stagger so far before collapsing unconscious in a ditch.

Therefore, the under-kilt-sightings will have the highest density within the “staggering radius” surrounding the bars in Poland.

Frightened citizens will avoid this “Flashing Zone of Terror” at all costs, meaning many will avoid Poland’s bars.

So how do the bars stay in business?! If they decrease the price of beer, this will only make the problem worse by attracting more Scottish flashers…

This is a very big problem for anyone who enjoys cheap beer without all the testicles.

The only solution to reduce the amount of exposed testes is to increase the price of beer.

… but this is a problem for everyone who enjoys cheap beer. Like me.

Ahh! The horror!

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had enough problems recently, that with the rhombus destroying the porn industry and people planting potatoes on my lawn…

It’s time we erect a stand against all the genitals threatening the beer industry!

It’s time we circumcise the issue at the source!

It’s time we tell all the scrotum’s, enough is enough!

The next time you’re enjoying a beer and someone shows you what’s under their kilt , please kick them in the nuts. Trust me, they won’t mind, they don’t want to pay more for beer either.