Chapter 4

By: William Papsmear

Carlita pointed to an old black and white photo hanging on the wall of the coffee shop. Her red nail tapped the face of a tall, handsome man with a fat ass cigar clenched in his chisled jaw. Huck looked on, confused. An elderly man stopped between the two and interjected softly.

“Ah… that brings me back,” Huck and Carlita beamed. His eyes sparkled, “And that man, Champ. He was the best of us. Champ could smoke an entire buschel of tobacco in one draw. His lungs were like black holes… literally. And when he would exhale… people thought that a forest fire was engulfing the city. He was amazing. That was all before the accident though… All those years ago”

Carlita narrowed her eyes

“wait, this photo is dated 2010 thou-”

“WHERE CAN WE FIND HIM!?” Huck sperged.

Huck and Carlita walked up to a decaying house on the outskirts of town. Moss creeped up the rotting sideboards like fingers. all of the windows were broken or boarded up. The door was a sturdy mahogany. A giant steel knocker in the shape of a pair of breasts hanged on the front. Huck looked at them intensely and then at carlita. Before huck’s balls got any bluer, the door opened on its own with a creak.

They looked inside. An amorphous celestial mass hovered in mid air. A low hissing sound emanated from deeper within the house. Huck shat himself in fear.

“It’s the ghost of champ!” He cried.

Champ blew the cloud away with more mist from his lungs. Huck stared intently at the corporeal, fleshy man sitting in front him.

“Man, you’re letting all the vape out. Close the door!” Champ’s plump face ordered. “Also how do you know my name?”

Champ was thin in the photo, but now one could say he was a man of ample girth. After smacking his lowest chin off the top of his belly, he scratched the bottom of his stomach… lifting it off the floor. Champ sucked on a vape causing the familiar hiss to emanate in the ear. Huck advanced.

“Why are you vaping!?” He outstretched his hands in disbelief

“Bro, it’s healthier for you” Champ replied, taking a sip from his big gulp.

“This can’t be! You have to teach me how to be the best smoker who ever lived!” Huck started tearing up.

“I’m sorry kiddo” He replied flatly, inhaling his douche flute.

Huck ran out of the house in tears out to the street where Carlita finally caught up to him. She took him by the shoulders and wiped the tears from his eyes, but he wasn’t having any of it. His spirit was broken. Carlita took a deep breath.

“Huck, listen to me. You’ve tried so hard and came so far but in the end it didn’t even matter… uh so if you don’t ever try, then you never fail… so thats good, but its also BAD! If you don’t fail sometimes then what is life even? Just a ball of winning! And the win/lose thing is a dichotomy, so the absence of losing means that winning is losing! So don’t lose by winning, lose by losing… TO WIN! DO IT FOR ME! DO IT FOR YOUR FRIENDS! DO IT FOR AMERICA!”

Huck looked hopefully up at her and then they embraced. Tyrone brushed a tear from his eye.

“… did someone say AMERICA?” Said a gruff voice from the sky.

