stadiums, fireworks, then/now/whatever

KURT: RAW’s in my hometown, tonight Show and Cass fight, also Miz TV with Jason, also Braun/Roman/Joe fight, gold medal, broken neck, bye

suddenly BORK and HEYMAN

HEYMAN: you booked a four-way at Summerslam so Bork would lose, so if he does he leaves WWE

BEAR: well hi Jon Jones, didn’t see you there

BORK eats the rest of his WWE contract

HARDYZ: gonna fight Goodbros

REVIVAL: gonna commentate

MATT: gonna do arm things to Anderson

ANDERSON: gonna AAAAUGH

HARDYZ: poetry in motion, ringclear

GOODBROS: k bout time for you to face in peril Jeff

JEFF: guess so

he does til

JEFF: tag

MATT: DELETE pin

ANDERSON: nah

MATT: then side effect pin

ANDERSON: nah

MATT: then-

GALLOWS: hi

MATT: great

GOODBROS: shatter mach-

JEFF: nah, swanton pin

HARDYZ win

HARDYZ: hey Revival wanna brawl

REVIVAL: sure

GOODBROS: also we’re here

they brawl, HARDYZ stand tall

COREY: gotta premonition Hardyz gonna fight these guys

BEAR: pronounced premonEEEEEEEtion, Corey

RENEE: hey Dean

DEAN: hey sweetie

RENEE: you didn’t fistbump Seth, how bout that

DEAN: fighting with Seth was neat

SETH: yeah it was

DEAN: but I don’t trust you cause Shield

SETH: well imma walk over here

BAR: hey Seth, we used to hate each other but now we like each other, you’re a failure

SETH: one of y’all fights me later

SHEAMUS: k

suddenly no purple ropes, CEDRIC/RICH/TOZAWA tag vs. TONY/TJP/ARIYA

CEDRIC: k so imma-

BEAR: don’t care

TOZAWA: but muh shoulder

BEAR: yep

they fight til

CEDRIC, RICH: gonna...

RANDY: WHY

CEDRIC, RICH: ...dive

TOZAWA: also...

RANDY: GAAAAAAAAHHHHHH

TOZAWA: ...dive

RANDY: you broke me, don’t even care now

BEAR: me neith - oh you were talking about the dives

faces win

AWWWWWWWWW SAAAAAAAAAAAAAM

MIZ: Pittsburgh sucks, it’s Miz TV, here’s Jason

here he is, new theme, it’s not great

MIZ: hey Jason, Kurt’s your dad, how bout that

JASON: it’s-

MIZ: some of the Universe boo you

JASON: more boo you

MIZ: join the Miztourage

JASON: nah

MIZ: but I’m awwwww saaaaaaaam

JASON: still nah, also you suck

MIZ: nah Kurt sucks just like Pittsburgh

JASON: Kurt’s great, have a suplex, bye

ROMAN: imma win tonight cause big dog

SHEAMUS: imma fight Seth

BURN IT DOOOOOOOOWN

SHEAMUS: um

SETH: let’s fight, have ropeybouncyflippykickyness

SHEAMUS: imma get outta the ring

SETH: now imma...

CESARO: hi

SETH: hi, now-

SHEAMUS: hi, have beatdowns

SETH has them til

SETH: imma...dive

RANDY: yep

SETH: and rally

CESARO: hi again

SETH: you die

SHEAMUS: so do you

SETH: nah, pin

CESARO: very nah, beatdown time

they do, suddenly DEAN

DEAN: nah

BAR: you dun goofed

BAR kill DEAN

JOE: imma win tonight cause sleepytimes

heepajowapajooWAH

BRAY: imma creepytalk

BRAY creepytalks for four long minutes

BRAY: I beat up Finn

suddenly HUUUUUUH, here’s FINN

FINN: imma just stand here

BRAY: why

FINN: cause

BRAY: then SNEAK ATTACK

FINN: PSYCH, headkick, get over the barricade, imma pose

BRAUN: imma win tonight cause monster

JOE, BRAUN, and ROMAN have a fight

JOE: hey Roman

BRAUN: hey Joe here’s beef

BRAUN kills JOE

ROMAN: um

BRAUN: saved some for you

BRAUN kills ROMAN

BRAUN: and also for the turnbuckle

ROMAN: oh thank goodness, get outta the ring

JOE: neat, have armbars and restholds

BRAUN: still here

ROMAN: wanna beef through the crowd

BRAUN: cool, then beef over the barricade

JOE: coquina clutch to Braun

ROMAN: still here

JOE: noticed, have samoabeef

ROMAN: you too, time to overc-

JOE: outta the ring

ROMAN: steppyjumpy superman punch

BRAUN: what’d I miss

ROMAN: crapcrapcrap spea-

BRAUN: beefkick

ROMAN: oh

BRAUN kills JOE and REIGNS, Pittsburgh’s out of beef

BRAUN: Roman and steps go in the ring

JOE: cool but nah, pin to Roman

ROMAN: nah

JOE: then coquina clutch

BRAUN: nah, powerslam pin

JOE: nah

BRAUN: k then have stairs

ROMAN: nah, time to overcome things

ROMAN overcomes things

ZO: hey Show, sorry I got you into this

SHOW: it’s cool, I am very big and Cass is very big so imma fight him

DRIFTER: imma siiiiiiiing, grew up in Pittsbuuuuuuurgh, Pittsburgh people suuuuuuck

LUCHA LUCHA etc.

BEAR: why

KALISTO and DRIFTER fight, DRIFTER wins

CHARLY: hey Bliss, Bayley’s fighting you at Summerslam, how bout that

BLISS: I beat her already twice, Sasha sucks and she’s not here, Bayley fights Nia tonight

SETH: hey Dean thanks for saving me

DEAN: yeah I had to save you or look like a jerk, still don’t trust you cause Shield

BAYLEY: guess I hafta fight Nia

NIA: fight’s the wrong word

BAYLEY: have offense

NIA: have death

BAYLEY: cool but imma rally

NIA: how

suddenly BLISS

BAYLEY: nah

NIA: nah to you, have a spear

BAYLEY: dodge

PICCOLO: see even that weird girl can do it Gohan

GOHAN: I FREAKING GET IT

EVERYONE’s down, countout

RENEE: hey Cass, Show says you need to learn respect, how bout that

CASS: nah, Show sucks, imma beat him up

ZO: HOW YOU DOIN, Show’s gonna beat up Cass, here he is

SHOW: I am very big

CASS: I am also very big

SHOW: have beefyslaps

CASS: have beefypunches

a large amount of beef ensues til

ZO: imma punch Cass

CASS: an idiot says what

ZO: what

CASS kills ZO

SHOW: ko punch

CASS: cool imma sleep

BEAR: hey Universe, got some news