Remember when social media was a young toddler, and people went nuts for “cat videos” and “cat memes”? The internet just fucking loved cats.

Now, personally, I really don’t understand why it’s taken THIS long for people to side step away from looking at pictures of cats with their heads in slices of bread, and turn to amazing feats of social networking like Dogspotting and Cool Dog Group – because dogs are absolutely amazing.

When people say they don’t like dogs (or, worse, as a friend of mine offered: “they’re fine”), I am absolutely baffled. Do you also hate chocolate, warm weather, finding things you’ve lost, yourself, and your mum? Because seriously, it’s just impossible to hate something so pure and perfect. Dogs are almost too precious for this world, and if you can’t see that, frankly, there’s no hope for you.

I am instantly cheered when I see a dog in public, or better still, my main man Rufus, my border terrier – aka “lil boy boy”. We’ve been together for about seven years now, and although he doesn’t like it when I squeeze him or attempt to cuddle him anywhere other than when we are cotching on the sofa, I just don’t know what my house would be without him. In fact I do: it would be dead. That’s what it would be. It would be a cold, empty shell with an open plan kitchen. It wouldn’t be a home without a dog.

Have you ever had Christmas with a dog? It’s 100x better than any dog-free Christmasses. Dogs get the family together: it’s the reason we all go out for a walk on Christmas Day. The dog provides an excuse for people to talk to each other and get fresh air. Plus have you seen dogs dressed up for the occasion? It’s too much.

I mean, sure, cats are OK. They’re kind of cute, and they’re kind of low maintenance. But they’re also joyless pieces of shit that don’t care when you’ve come home. Dogs rely on you, they need you for walkies, food, play time, and love. They whine when you leave the room. Yeah, they’re a lot of work, but what would be the point otherwise? Having a non existent relationship with your pet? It’s a no from me.

And cats don’t walk about the streets inspiring excitement like dogs do. When was the last time you saw a cat outside Debenhams and squealed and took a photo for Dogspotting? I did that with the cutest dog only a couple of weeks ago. It was tiny and fluffy and it had a TOP KNOT. Other spots include a pug with fat rolls on the Underground and a golden retriever by a chicken shop. I almost cried both times.

So basically, if you say you don’t like dogs I’m not sure we can be friends, as you clearly have a heart of stone. They are intelligent, loving, and adorable. Their mission is to please you. And are you really going to turn around and say you don’t like a creature that is so pure and so perfect that all it wants to do is lick your face and play a game with you?

If so, there’s something very wrong with you.