A Long, Frank Discussion of Men’s Rights Spaces

In a world with a lot of jarring organizations that claim to be “Men’s Rights Activists”, but in reality vocally oppose the empowerment of minority groups for fear that their empowerment challenges straight white men, I imagine for a man who doesn’t want to personally identify with misogyny, racism, homophobia and the like can feel pretty isolated.

I can’t even imagine being my boyfriend or one of my male friends and having groups like A Voice for Men, Return of Kings, and Redpill/MGTOW claiming to represent me and stand to “protect my masculinity” against the vicious throes of “feminized society”. When I think of the influential men in my life - be they a partner, a teacher, a family member, or a public figure I look up to - it’s hard for me to ever really picture how they feel when faced with claims and proclamations from these movements.

These are people I love and respect, and if I really press myself to think about it, I come to the conclusion that it’s actually horrifying that if any of these men have problems in their lives - if they struggle with poverty, racism, homophobia, physical/sexual/verbal abuse, etc. - there are dozens of organizations and communities that appear to lie in wait until they’ve hit a low-point in their life, ready to pounce with well-meaning smiles and a pocket full of ideology built upon a steady foundation of the most puerile misogyny you could ever imagine.

There is absolutely no doubt that there are issues of men’s rights and well-being that deserve to be discussed. By leaving this discussion to hate groups under common MRA banners, all we’re doing is making the facts and discussion of these real issues far less reputable and trustworthy than they could be. We need scholarly, balanced articles talking about, e.g. the globally high rate of male suicide, the history of military conscription, how male victims of sexual assault are treated, the treatment of gay/transgender men, the state of men’s health information, and in general how men are treated differently than women in any ways that poses a disadvantage to them (for example, how men are discouraged from being “emotional” which often leads to anxiety, isolation, aggression and silent mental illnesses).

I think a lot of people refuse to talk about legitimate men’s rights issues for fear of being associated with those who go by the “men’s rights activist” monikers, for fear of derailing legitimate discussions about women’s rights, or plainly for fear of being seen as “making up” issues for the sake of playing victim. It’s the same reason why many people are afraid to be called feminists or to bring up feminist discussions in public. The general discussion of gender politics is just that, a highly politicized, deeply heated, and often controversial one. There is a strong and pervasive culture of apathy surrounding social justice issues, wherein people scoff at the idea that anyone can be a “victim” to any sociological crime, and that the suggestion of victimization is really the fabrication of victimhood. I think this sort of talk - “playing victim” - is often most prevalent against victims of sexual assault.

While it’s something that more toxic MRAs harp on about, I tend to agree (though towards a different outcome) that many men really do lack strong male role models who can show them that masculinity doesn’t have to be abused or shunned - that you can live a healthy, progressive life embracing your gender as an integral aspect of who you are, if you so choose. I don’t think there is a lack of male role models in general (I have met a number of men, and women, who inspire me to be and do more each day), but that most rarely talk about gender politics and how the culture and history of gender performance has a tumultuous past and present. I don’t believe we need to shy away from creating “men’s spaces” or venues to discuss men’s issues just because these have been co-opted by vocal misogynists to uphold damaging and patriarchal worldviews.

It’s organizations like The Mankind Project - a non-profit, anti-sexism, LGBTQ-inclusive, secular/faith-inclusive brotherhood for male mentorship that encourages volunteer work and social activism - that remind me why these spaces are healthy and vital. A major part of their organization is encouragement for what they call “Missions of Service” (despite the term, very secular) which is, put simply, joining or leading a community to change the world for the better - a.k.a. social justice activism. They have a list of men recognized in their community, among whom are activists for people of colour, migrant workers, the LGBTQ community, and persons suffering from substance abuse or dependency. They have active environmentalists, men who help ex-convicts re-enter society. There’s even a guy who uses his wealth to provide treatment and transport for sick children, and a disabled veteran who is active in human rights councils in his community. A lot of people may actually have heard of one man listed who gives free hair cuts to the poor/homeless in California.

Also unlike popular MRA groups, they’ve received reviews of their organization from groups that review personal empowerment/development programs and have been given high ratings (since so many “men’s empowerment groups” end up either being thinly veiled supremacist/fascist/misogynist cults or financial “pyramid” schemes), and a public ethics policy that prohibits exploitative/coercive and discriminatory behaviour and action from all participants. Imagine if Redpill, Gamergate, The Honey Badger Brigade, and similar men’s social discussion groups actually had standards like that!

Some people might ask “why do we need men’s groups? Why do we need discussion of these issues?” One major answer is that the same societal engine that produces men’s rights issues also produces some of the biggest human rights violations against women. The same monster that encourages men to be silent demonizes and women whenever they aren’t. And the kind of enlightening and positive discussion that takes place when women have safe spaces to talk about their experiences can and should happen elsewhere. I don’t think we’re dividing society in a negative way when we create these spaces, as we all have plenty of opportunities to meet together in venues where people regardless of gender can talk about improving the world for ourselves and for future generations. I think we’re encouraging people - all people - to understand how the culture of gender has profoundly impacted the history of humankind, and learn what we can do to mitigate its most negative repercussions.