Personal rule: When you get something in the mail that combines sex and exercise, you can't not try it out. Hence my intrigue when I got a package called "Private Gym." Private Gym is a weighted cock ring that's basically weight lifting for your penis. Turns out, guys can benefit from kegels in much the same way women can (better orgasms, plus harder erections), and adding weight both expedites the strengthening and sounds like a personal nightmare. So after receiving my dick weight in the mail, I decided to try it out for myself.

Private Gym. Can you tell which part goes on your penis? Private Gym

The presentation is amazing, so much so that I feel compelled to tell you about it. Private Gym comes in a nice, foam-lined box complete with an inconspicuous carrying case that looks a lot like the case you'd have for a nice pair of headphones, which means you could carry it around pretty much anywhere, if you wanted to. So hypothetically, you could do your penis weight exercises at work or something, as long as your penis weight doesn't slip off and roll out of your pants leg into the middle of the office floor. (I did not do this.)

When's the best time to strap a weight to your penis? It's a question I've never had to seriously investigate before. I'm still not sure if there really is an optimal point or a foolproof regimen to make sure a guy can get the most of his penis weight, but there's definitely a wrong time to use it. More than one, actually. Using a penis weight properly requires the stars to align just so.

For example, something I hadn't considered before strapping on the Private Gym is that it, by nature, requires you to be at least moderately aroused — no fresh-out-of-a-cold-shower penises allowed — which is tough when you're thinking about how you've got a penis weight strapped to your dong and you have to exercise. It's a bit of a conundrum, trying to focus hard enough on being aroused that you can basically do cock curls. You've got to trick your brain, maybe watch some porn, and even then it's tough to keep it up when you're repeatedly flexing your penis. It's possible, you just really need to be in the zone. I've never put forth this much mental energy doing push-ups.

It's like you're trying to force yourself to get a proud and majestic boner over and over, only to have the weight drag it back down. Much like Sisyphus rolling that stone up a hill for eternity, the whole thing feels kind of defeatist.

This content is imported from YouTube. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

It doesn't help that the instructional video (yeah, it comes with a DVD) tries its absolute best to be as unarousing as possible. I was hoping maybe you'd have some dudes in sweatbands grimacing and yelling at you to follow along with the workout, or maybe even a sexy, Jillian Michaels type in there. But no one can get hard to doctors monotonously giving you wiener instructions.

Does it work? Yeah, I suppose so, kind of, maybe. I didn't really notice a difference (and by that I mean I don't think I'm significantly better at sex and my penis isn't jacked) but maybe I didn't try it for long enough. Maybe I already have quality boners. Maybe I'm not the target demographic. I'm not really sure what the baseline is here. The biggest, arguably insurmountable problem with a penis weight like Private Gym, though, is that it's a weight. A weight for your penis.

Follow Frank on Twitter.

Cosmo Frank I am a human male that enjoys consuming meals consisting of all five food groups and fulfilling every level of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io