In which Soos finds out about Stan’s “real” son and won’t stop bugging the twins about him

Dipper: You’ve, ah, you’ve really taken an interest in our dad recently, haven’t you?

Soos: Why wouldn’t I? After all he’s Stan’s…real son. And a Pines. One of you guys. And you’re an interesting crew. (quickly) Unless, he’s the family pariah and is inadequate and underwhelming in every possible way…So has he ever done anything amazing?

Dipper: (cautiously) No, not really. He’s a pretty button-down guy.

Mabel: Dipper, c'mon, don’t you remember that time he ran into a burning house to rescue Mrs. Filton’s son and kitty?

Soos: He did?!

Dipper: It-it wasn’t a very big fire. And it wasn’t even her kitty. It was just some really aggressive stray that had wandered into her house. The moment they were out of there, it tried to claw his face off.

Mabel: He needed 8 stitches.

Soos: The cat?

Mabel: No.

Soos: Oh man, scars are so rad. Um, how’s his luck with the ladies?

Mabel: Soos, he’s…he’s married. To our mom.

Dipper: And…y'know. (gestures between himself and Mabel)

Soos: My question still stands.

Dipper: Yeah, I think we’re just going to go for a hike or something…like now (leaves and drags Mabel with him).

Soos: HOW MUCH CAN HE BENCH?!

