Me: “Thanks for calling [Law Firm]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was wondering. Is there any precedent with custody cases involving Satanic vampire covens?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Satanic vampire covens.”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t know.”

Customer: “Well, I’m looking to get custody of my child from my ex-wife because she’s recently joined a Satanic vampire coven. I have photographic evidence of her wearing ceremonial robes and drinking human blood. Is there anything I can do?”

Me: “I’m not sure. Let me go ask someone.”

Customer: “Ah, nevermind. I’ll just figure it out myself.” *click*

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