The answers are the actual responses by the tourism website officials, who obviously have an excellent sense of humour…

Q: Does it ever get windy in India ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( :country-regionUK )

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA )

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Delhi to Goa – can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )

A: Sure, it's only three thousand kms, take lots of water..

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India ? ( Sweden )

A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in India ? Can you send me a list of them in Delhi , Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore ? ( UK )

A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in :country-regionIndia ? ( :country-regionUSA )

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . In-di-a is that big triangle in the middle of the Pacific & Indian Ocean which does not.. oh forget it. ...... Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Goa . Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in India ? ( USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring c utlery into India ? ( UK )

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? ( :country-regionFrance )

A: Indiana is a state in the Unites States of....oh forget it. Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tuesday night in Goa , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: =2 0Can I wear high heels in India ? ( UK )

A: You're a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Bangalore , and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense rattlesnake serum.20( USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: Do you have perfume in India ? ( France )

A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where=2 0I can sell it in India ? ( USA )

A: Any place where significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in India ? ( France )

A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

Q: Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? ( Italy )

A: As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime.

Q: Do you have Toilet paper? ( USA )

A: No, we use sand paper. (We have different grades)