He wasn't convinced. He urged me to stay at home and read self-help books. I said I was reading Bram Stoker and dying to see Dracula's Castle. "Oh my God," he wailed, "you'll never get out of there alive!"

Extracts from the journal of Bernardescu The Reckless

DAY ONE

Dear reader, if you are reading this it's because I managed to get into Romania alive. I flew into Bucharest under the cover of darkness and am secretly enjoying the vibe. My visit has coincided with the George Enescu Festival, one of the biggest celebrations of classical music in the world. There are orchestras from London, New York, Paris … the city's teeming with famous conductors and musicians, all much more tempting targets for kidnappers than me. Still, I must be on my guard – my therapist says men carrying violin cases often fling them open, whip out machine guns and mow everybody down. I wish I'd brought a bullet-proof vest.

DAY TWO

Bucharest's Romania Athenaeum concert hall – complete with violins. Bernard O'Shea

I'm on Calea Victoriei, Bucharest's most famous boulevard, feeling victorious. In half a day I have ticked many items off my bucket list: the Athénée Palace hotel, made famous in Olivia Manning's Balkan Trilogy and the TV series Fortunes of War; the Romanian Athenaeum, probably Bucharest's most beautiful building; the palatial National Museum of Art of Romania; and the memorial at Piata Revolutiei dedicated to the 1058 people who died in the 1989 revolution. It was here in the Piata that a crowd of 100,000 people suddenly turned on Communist leader Nicolae Ceaușescu as he was giving a speech. Violence erupted, Bucharest became a battle zone and Ceaușescu and his wife Elena fled by helicopter, only to be captured and executed by firing squad on Christmas Day.

Those were the grim old days. Today, Bucharest is looking resplendent in the summer sunshine.


Next to the Piata, on George Enescu Square, the Camerata Regală (Royal Camerata) is giving a free concert on a stage beautifully adorned with white, pink and yellow flowers. It's a violin concerto (I have no idea which one), the soloist George Tudorache is on his feet playing into a microphone, and boy can he make his instrument sing. When it's over I cheer and ask him if he knows any Status Quo, but he gives me a withering look and reaches for his violin case. I run for cover to the nearby Cișmigiu Gardens, where I go boating on the lake like the elegant gentlemen of yore, keeping an eagle eye out for pirates.

DAY THREE

The tranquil Stavropoleos Monastery is one of the oldest churches in Bucharest. Bernard O'Shea

Bucharest is buzzing. It used to be called the Little Paris of the East – it even has an Arcul de Triumf just like the one on the Champs-Élysées – but now they say it's the new Berlin. The place is full of trendy restaurants and bars which become untrendy the moment I enter. I particularly like the Centrul Vechi (old centre) for its sidewalk cafes, cobbled streets and grand old buildings – the CEC Palace, Russian Church, Pasajul Macca-Vilacrosse (a gorgeous arcade with a glass roof tinted yellow and green) and the exquisite Stavropoleos Monastery. At the National Museum of Romanian History I learn that during World War II Romania gave some of its national treasures to Russia for safe-keeping and when the war was over the Russians never gave them back.

At Caru' cu Bere, a 139-year-old restaurant whose wood-panelled interior exudes the grandeur of a cathedral-cum-ancient library, I stuff my stomach with sarmale (cabbage leaves stuffed with mincemeat), a tasty ciorbă (soup) with chunks of beef and papanași delicioși – dumplings with sweet cheese and cream and jam. When I am kidnapped and being fed bread and water I shall dream of this.

DAY FOUR

The kidnappers are circling! I'm on a train heading north to the Carpathian Mountains and a burly man in the opposite row has been staring at me. He comes over and sits down beside me, plastic bag in hand, concealing a weapon. After establishing that French is the only language we have in common, he tells me he's a teacher returning to work from his home in the country, then starts to grill me. Where am I from? What's my occupation? Why am I here? Do I have family? He relays my answers in Romanian to his countrymen in the carriage. Australian-dollar ransom figures light up their greedy eyes. As the train approaches a station, I get up, pretending I need the toilet, but he rises to block my path. "This is my stop," says, then lunges forward, grabbing my hands and trying to thrust the plastic bag into them. I resist, we grapple and wrestle ridiculously. "From my garden," he says. "Take it, please." I relent. He shakes hands, saying "I wish you a wonderful holiday, thank you for visiting our country." Then he hurries off the train.

The stunning glass roof in Bucharest's Pasajul Macca-Vilacrosse arcade. Bernard O'Shea


I slump back into my chair and peer into the bag. In it are some apples, tomatoes and gnarly green peppers. A humble collection, to be sure, but all the more poignant for it. I breathe a sigh of relief. That was a close shave.

DAY NINE

Forgive me, reader, I've been rushing around doing so much sight-seeing I've neglected my diary. I cannot tell you how beautiful this part of Romania is. There are towering mountains, steep valleys, thick fir-clad forests, pretty pastures and bubbling streams. The air is fresh and invigorating. Somehow I manage to stride up the slopes with only the slightest creak from my knees. And the castles – you should see the castles. Peleș Castle at Sinaia, built during the 19th century as a summer residence for Romania's first king, Carol 1, is a "masterpiece of German new-Renaissance architecture".

Cantacuzino Castle, a neo-Romanian concoction a little further north at Bușteni, completed in 1911 for twice-serving prime minister Gheorghe Cantacuzino, has magnificent views of the Bucegi Mountains – lunch on the terrace here is a must. To the west, the medieval Râșnov Castle, partially ruined but an awesome lookout point. And the formidable Bran Castle, often called Dracula's Castle because it supposedly has links with Vlad the Impaler and may have been an inspiration for Irish novelist Bram Stoker. Now I'm in Brașov, Transylvania, one of Romania's seven walled citadels, historic Saxon strongholds built to keep pesky Turks and other potential invaders at bay. Its colourful historic centre, right in the foothills of the Carpathians, is stunning.

The city of Brașov in Transylvania is one of Romania's seven walled citadels. Bernard O'Shea

But I must move on. I'm only 180 kilometres from Bucharest. There is so much more to see.

DAY SEVENTEEN

It's my last day in Romania and I don't want to go home. I've had a wonderful holiday, I've been to beautiful cities such as Sibiu and Sighișoara and Biertan, which retailer Aldi used in 2014 as the location for its "perfect Aussie Christmas" advert, but I've missed out on Constanța and the Black Sea, and World Heritage sites such as the Danube Delta and the painted monasteries of the remote north-east.


I'm in Bucharest, trying to look like a Rockefeller and to draw the attention of kidnappers. I'm wearing my best clothes and wheeling around a gleaming new suitcase with locks galore to safeguard its precious cargo, heaps of CDs by ageing rockers Compact, Romania's equivalent of Status Quo.

My hopes rise when my taxi driver pitches up – he's muscled and ripped like a steroid-chomping bodybuilder-cum-nightclub bouncer – but he takes me straight to the airport, without the slightest deviation, the bastard. In the busy airport check-in area I let it be known to all and sundry that I'm a journalist from Sydney, Australia, a land of wealthy, privileged people. Nobody bats an eyelid. I raise my voice: "The Australian Financial Review is going to pay me a lot of money for my story!" The check-in staff nod condescendingly and wave me through. It's bye-bye Romania and – safely back at Sydney's Airport's crowded, chaotic customs and immigration hall – hello rat race.

Oh well, with any luck I'll be kidnapped next time.

The writer visited Romania at his own expense.

NEED TO KNOW

Colourful architecture in Brașov. Bernard O'Shea

How to get there: Qatar Airways and Emirates fly from Sydney and Melbourne to Bucharest via Doha and Dubai respectively. Many flights via European cities are available, as well as international rail.

Where to stay: On Calea Victoriei, the five-star Radisson Blu Hotel Bucharest and Athénée Palace Hilton are top picks for luxury and location; the four-star Ramada Bucharest Majestic and Novotel Bucharest City Centre are good options a little closer to the old town centre. The five-star Epoque Hotel is a gracious boutique establishment near Cișmigiu Gardens.


Getting around: Bucharest has a Metro, as well as buses and trams, but is best explored on foot from a central base. Gara de Nord is the station for inter-city rail.

Dates to watch: Sighișoara Medieval Festival, July 27-29, 2018, International Folklore Festival, Sibiu, August 1-6, 2018. The George Enescu International Festival is held every two years: the next is September 2-24, 2019.

For more, see http://romaniatourism.com

Bran Castle – aka Dracula's pad – near Brașov. Bernard O'Shea

A dance troupe at the annual folk festival in Sibiu. Bernard O's Shea