“I make a lot of memes, and I make a lot of GIFs,” the candidate announced, “but I’m not a meme candidate. I like cheese. I love listening to myself talk.”



Two years ago, the most punchable face in New Eden belonged to a happy, excited, and positive personality. Today, though still punchable, the face belongs to a different man. It belongs to a man in pain. “I have a very sensitive stomach,” he explained, “and I like sour stuff.”



The indigestion started innocently enough, but soon sleepless nights from ill-advised gastronomical delights led to slumming about /r/eve, where the seeds of discontent germinated and sprouted from the well-fertilized soil of the subreddit. “I love EVE; it’s everything I ever wanted in an MMO.” But…(there’s something that doesn’t sit well. There’s something unsettling. There’s something rotten in the state of New Eden.



The candidate goes on to describe his growing frustration. “I met Torfi at Sundance,” (former Creative Director Torfi Frans Olafsson), he casually name-dropped, declaring Torfi “a really cool guy.” Communication from CCP really took a hit with Torfi’s departure, he notes, but losing Manifest, then the entire Community team marked the beginning of the end of communication. When Seagull left, hopes plummeted.. Guard’s departure? Where’s the antacid?



The most punchable face in New Eden, firmly attached to the skull of Manic Velocity, is older now, more bitter, but resolved to be part of the solution, even if that means exchanging votes for drinks around a fire pit, and photographs of his landscaping. Even if it means taking the risk that photos of his dashing figure bedecked in a dress without pockets(!!) might be surfaced in an effort to derail his candidacy.



“I want to represent the vibe of the community,” Manic affirmed.



The vibe?



Players are sick of your crap, CCP. Start promoting the game, and not just marketing skins back into your player base to drive PLEX sales. “I think even EVE Onion News would approve of CCP promoting the game,” the bittervet groaned before soothing his throat, aching no doubt from the acid reflux of indigestion, with a shot of Pendleton.