By ELAINE KULINSKA August 17, 2017

WASHINGTON – Amidst reports of internal strife at all levels of the Trump administration this week, White House aides report that Vice President Mike Pence has more than once been caught measuring the Oval Office windows for new drapes.

Recent events – including the President’s handling of the Unite the Right demonstration in Charlottesville over the weekend, Presidential adviser Steve Bannon’s erratic interview with the press, GOP allies abandoning the President, and too many de-staffings, falsehoods, and unhinged press briefings to adequately summarize in one article – have shaken the administration from top to bottom. During this intense period of confusion, several White House aides disclosed to reporters that Mike Pence has been spending an inordinate amount of time strolling the halls adjacent to the Oval Office.

“I don’t usually see the Vice President around here,” confided one aide on condition of anonymity, “but this week I’ve already run into him maybe five or six times.”

Pence was reportedly caught with a tape measure, balanced precariously on the sill of one of the Oval Office’s windows, and did not notice when the aide entered the room. When the aide asked Pence what he was doing, Pence nearly lost his footing, arms pinwheeling.

Recovering, Pence told the aide that he was simply using the tape measure to reach a pen that he had accidentally thrown up there, earlier. Pence hastily exited the Oval Office, but not before casually asking if the aide felt that maybe the room could use a different carpet.

Employees at Washington’s local IKEA confirmed that they had spotted Mike Pence and Speaker of the House Paul Ryan hand-in-hand as they strolled through the furniture section.