As time goes on some things get easier and some things remain the same and then some things get harder. It very interesting to me, this whole thing we call life. As I never cease to amaze myself with how, when, and why certain thoughts cross my mind.

Take yesterday for example, I finally got the paperwork that my soon to be ex-wife’s attorney sent me signed, notarized, and mailed it back. If I would have done that when I received it in May I more than likely would have ended up very inebriated somewhere. However because of the circumstances of losing my job and apartment, I cannot afford moneywise to do that and I did not feel like getting totally falling down drunk yesterday. I think the waiting of the month was exactly what I needed.

I also spoke with a relative yesterday who really put things in perspective for me, which was a good thing. As she feels my soon to be ex-wife was very stupid in her decisions, but as the saying goes “it is what it is”

So all in all it was a decent day yesterday.

It’s weird how I have always hated to be alone. When I say alone I mean it as not having someone to come home to as yes there are times I enjoy my alone time. Just me and the silence, but I miss sleeping next to someone, holding them, and making them the most important person in my life. So as a two-time loser in the marriage game I wonder will I get a third chance. Is there really a woman out there somewhere for me, or is this it I had my chance and now I’m done.

I’m not going out to a bar/club, singles events or anything to find someone because 1) I’m still married 2) I can’t afford it 3) I like to think I’m ready but in a weird way I know I’m not. So for now it pretty much is a waiting game for me as I have more important things to worry about then finding a date.

As for the “what the hell am I doing” part….going slowly crazy I guess. I’m trying to take everything that has happened over the past7 months and spin it into a positive thing, but it is very hard to do. Especially, with everything that has happened in the last month and a half. Losing my job and apartment really made me feel like a total failure. But, everything happens for a reason and I am where I need to be so I am taking everything for what it is worth and moving on with my life.

So I look at everything this way as The Duke himself John Wayne said

“Courage is being scared to death… and saddling up anyway”

I keep moving on even if I am scared to, because I have to.

As always please feel free to comment as I welcome your comments.

Till Next Time My Wonderful Readers…..