Megan Barton Hanson: I’ve been slut-shamed since I was 16, but I’m proud of my sexuality Have I made mistakes? Hell yes, but who hasn’t? Should I be ashamed of those mistakes? Hell no! Love Island’s Megan writes exclusively for i

Minutes after filming the Love Island final and still buzzing with excitement, I was taken into a room with the ITV press officer. He told me there had been a lot of negative articles about me while I was in the villa and then went through each story that had been published about me.

As he did, it became clear that all of these negative stories were either based on my previous career choices, my decisions regarding cosmetic surgery or the sexual choices I had made while on Love Island.

Of course, I wasn’t completely naive going in and I knew I would be judged on my past. But nothing could have prepared me for the full extent of it. A friend who was running my social media had to turn off the comments as I was receiving death threats and 99 per cent were slut-shaming me.

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‘I’ve been labelled a slut from the age of around 16, mainly by boys I had dated, or boys I had turned down, until my group of friends started to join in by calling me “the slut of the group”. At this point I wasn’t sexually active.’

I’ve been labelled a slut from the age of 16, mainly by boys I had dated, or boys I had turned down, until my group of friends started to join in by calling me “the slut of the group”. At this point, I wasn’t sexually active. I was given this label because I made a crucial mistake: a boy a few years above me in school had asked me to send him a video of me masturbating. I declined, he went on to ask me if I had even done it before. I hadn’t, but of course wanted to impress him and so I told him I had.

The next day the whole school was talking about it. It’s amusing to me when I look back at it, but at the time it felt like my whole world was caving in. I couldn’t even tell my mum because I was too embarrassed and ashamed. I hate the idea that any girl is going through exactly this right now. It’s incredible that in 2018 this sort of thing is still going on and it’s not just men slut-shaming women, its women too.

It breaks my heart to think of girls being treated like this

These archaic, oppressive views that men can have sex with as many women as they like and that’s cool, while a girl who does the same and dares to say she has had more than a few sexual partners is a slut, needs to change. Revenge porn is increasingly being used as a weapon against women. It breaks my heart to think that girls out there are getting stick and feeling ashamed while guys are labelled heroes by their mates.

‘Suggesting a woman’s career or sexual choices defines who she is is degrading and hinders feminist efforts elsewhere’

It seems a lot of people believe that if you are a woman who has worked in the sex industry, this automatically makes you a slut who has no respect for yourself. Suggesting a woman’s career or sexual choices defines who she is is degrading and hinders feminist efforts elsewhere. Lap dancing is like any other job in many ways. There are sad and happy stories, some dancers enjoy the work, some don’t, some enjoy the socialising, getting glammed up, getting paid a wage the average person would take home for a weeks’ work in just one night, and others don’t enjoy it and do it purely for the money. But that applies to so many jobs where people are equally unhappy in their careers.

For me, a year was enough. I learned the money didn’t make me happy and the happiness I had thought I would find through wealth wasn’t actually there. Hats off to all the dancers still going after a couple years – it’s a tough job that takes a lot from you! But regardless of a woman’s motivation, nobody has the right to judge or shame her for her career choices.

How is there still this much stigma?

The fact I had sex in the villa with not one, but two men, appears to have shocked the nation! I find it difficult to understand how in 2018 there is still so much stigma around women admitting they enjoy sex too?

‘Love Island is a dating show. I didn’t go in there for fame or for some hair extension deal when I came out.’

Love Island is a dating show. I didn’t go in there for fame or for some hair extension deal when I came out. I was genuinely looking to fall in love and leave with a boyfriend. I had been single for so long and had numerous unsuccessful relationships, so when I could see things weren’t working out with Eyal I knew I had to cut it off.

In the past, I allowed looks and sexual attraction to be the driving force behind my choice of partners. But in the villa, with everything stripped back – no TV, no social media, no distractions – I really started to realise how important a role friendship played in my happiness within a relationship. Wes and I had been flirting and building a friendship, but this wasn’t really shown on TV.

Even though Wes wasn’t my usual type, I was becoming more and more attracted to him. Once I plucked up the courage to tell him and we started dating, it felt so right. Things progressed and on the outside, based on how I was feeling, I would 100 per cent have had sex with Wes. So I didn’t see why I shouldn’t have done so in the villa.

I won’t be made to feel ashamed of having a high sex drive

I don’t believe sex is dirty, sordid or anything to be ashamed of. It’s totally natural, so when it felt right I followed my feelings.

Some of the cast were trying to tell me not to have sex again because they knew how I would be perceived. That proves pretty tricky when you are falling in love and living with the person 24/7.

I can’t get my head around the fact men are be applauded for this behaviour but because we are women it’s frowned upon. No one mentions the fact Wes had sex with Laura and then me, or were fearful of how Wes would be perceived for having sex with more than one person on the show. No one was bothered that Adam had done bits with Rosie and then got with Zara. There was no concern about how he would be perceived; in fact, people laughed and joked about what a player he was.

Throughout this process, I’ve learnt to embrace my sexuality. I have a high sex drive and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. This is my body, my life, I own it and I’m proud. I do not and will not regret my sexual history or career choices at all because they have made me the woman I am today. Have I made mistakes? Hell yes, but who hasn’t! Should I be ashamed of those mistakes? Hell no!

I’m excited to have a platform to address slut-shaming

Since leaving the villa, what has given me the most happiness is knowing that I now have this platform to talk about issues such as slut-shaming, feminism, cosmetic surgery and mental health. With the rise of social media there is even more emphasis on women’s looks, sexual choices and what being a “good” woman is, so now more than ever as women we need to support each other. We need to teach younger girls they shouldn’t be ashamed of their choices or desires. Women should be able to speak openly about sex, their sexual desires and appetite, just as men have done for years.

‘My heart is so full right now and I’m excited about the road ahead not just for me but for all women.’

I’ve been overwhelmed by the support I’ve received from so many women and that motivates me daily to push on and be strong. I only hope I can play a role in helping the young Megans out there to feel empowered in their choices and know that you have nothing to be ashamed of. Own your losses as much as your wins!

My heart is so full right now and I’m excited about the road ahead, not just for me but for all women. If you’re reading this today and feeling like you’re not enough, then just know that you are. You are amazing, so go be you and hold your head high. Remember that you have nothing to be ashamed of.

With love, happiness and positivity,

Megan xxx