Note: On Thursday of this week, NOAA/NCDC will attempt to rewrite the surface temperature record yet again, making even more “adjustments” to the data to achieve a desired effect. This story by Mr. Core is worth noting in the context of data spin that we are about to be subjected to – Anthony Watts

Guest essay by E. L. Core

Grandma hangs up the phone, beaming. She has just talked with her daughter-in-law, Gabrielle, who had said, “Final report cards are out, and Gavin has straight A’s!” So, Grandma hurries over to see this remarkable report card for herself.

Sitting down at the kitchen table with Gabrielle and Gavin, Grandma opens the report card expectantly — though she has noticed a sheepish look on her grandson’s face. She looks the report card over. And over. And over. Instead seeing of all A’s, she’s seeing three A’s, two B’s, one C, and a D.

Puzzled, and with a sheepish look on her own face now, she hesitatingly asks her daughter-in-law, “Didn’t you tell me… Dear… that Gavin got straight A’s?”

“Yes, I did”, Gabrielle replies.

Noting the look of confusion on her mother-in-law’s face, she continues, “Here. Let me explain.”

“There are three A’s on the report card. You see them” — she points — “here, here, and here. So, we know he gets A’s.”

“Now, this first B, here,” Gabrielle continues. “You must understand that Gavin didn’t like that class. If he had liked that class, he would have put in more effort, and he would have gotten an A. So, that B should really be an A.”

Grandma sits quietly.

“And this other B, here,” Gabrielle says. “You must understand that the teacher just had it in for Gavin. If he had had a different teacher, he would have gotten an A. So, that B, too, should really be an A.”

Grandma sits quietly.

“Now, the C,” her daughter-in-law continues. “You must understand that Gavin didn’t like the class, and the teacher had it in for him, too. If Gavin had liked the class, and if he had had a different teacher, he would have gotten an A. So the C should really be an A.”

Grandma sits quietly.

“Now, the D,” says Gabrielle. “Gavin liked that class, and he had a good teacher, too. But three of his friends got an A in this class; they also got A’s in the very same three classes that Gavin’s report card has A’s in. So, the D should really be an A.”

“And that’s why I told you that Gavin has straight A’s.”

Grandma sits quietly.

Then, Gavin’s sister walks into the room. A sheepish look comes over her face when her mother asks Grandma, “Would you like me to explain how Gavrilla really won at the track meet?”

Grandma leaves quietly.

E. L. Core has a B.S. in Mathematics and Computer Science and is an associate editor at the Catholic Lane website, catholiclane.com. His series “Uncommon Core: Climate Sanity” is forthcoming later this year.

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