On January 2, 39 GOP Senators signed an AMICUS brief urging the Supreme Court to reconsider Roe v. Wade, the 1973 Supreme Court case that secured the legal right to abortion. In the brief, these senators, along with 168 Republican members of the House, asked the sitting Supreme Court Justices to revisit and overturn Roe v Wade when they consider a case based on a Louisiana law that could severely limit access to abortion in the state.

For each of these 39 Senators, most of whom are cis men who will never know what it’s like to be pregnant when you do not want to be, I wanted to talk to 39 people who do know that feeling.

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With help from Shout Your Abortion and Advocates for Youth, I went in search of 39 stories from people who have had abortions — instead, I collected 60 stories from people all across the country. Sixty stories shared by people as young as 19 and as old as 73. Stories from religious people, non-religious people, trans men, mothers, women who are currently pregnant, women who do not want children, people who’ve gone on to experience pregnancy loss, people who are parents to animals, non-binary people, people who are caring for their parents, people who were teenagers when they had their abortions, and people who had illegal abortions before Roe v Wade.

These stories are as unique as the people who shared them, but every single one is a reminder that abortion is not up for debate. It is not like the tooth fairy — only made real if you “believe” in it. Abortion is normal. Abortion is common. Abortion is one of many reproductive outcomes that nearly one in four women — as well as trans men and other non-binary people — will experience.

So it was fitting that I was able to collect far more than 39 abortion stories in just two days. The people fighting to strip us of our human right to bodily autonomy might be loud, but they are the minority. There are more abortion stories than there are people who oppose the right to abortion. Everyone knows someone, and loves someone, who has had an abortion.

Daria, 26

I had a surgical abortion two years ago. I guess what stands out about my experience is just how ‘normal’ getting an abortion can be. How the procedure, frankly, felt less invasive than a standard gynecological visit. I actually had a laugh with some nurses. I learned a lot about my body. I made a playlist for my visit and it helped a lot. I ate ice cream after and went to work less than four hours later.

I often read abortion stories in big publications that have undertones of heavy emotions. I would love for women who are considering having an abortion to hear that sometimes it’s just a medically mundane process. And it doesn’t always have to be a part of your identity.

I always felt guilty that I never considered mine as a significant life event, until I realized I didn’t have to.

Veronika, 19

When I was 17, I found out I was pregnant. I knew immediately that I needed to have an abortion.

I had just gotten into [college] and was ready to change cities and start working toward a career in electrical engineering. I knew I definitely wasn't ready to start a family. But in my state, the law said I needed my parents' permission to have an abortion.

My father is religious and conservative, and I knew I couldn't talk to him about it. I feared what would happen if I told my mom I got pregnant and wanted an abortion. We weren’t close and I was scared she would kick me out. The law was forcing this decision for me. I cried because I knew I needed to get an abortion but didn’t know how.

I reached out to the nonprofit Jane's Due Process, which helps minors obtain abortions through a judicial bypass. They walked me through the many steps I needed to get through before appearing before the judge, including getting a sonogram and working with my lawyer to compile evidence of my maturity and why I wanted to have an abortion.

I was required by law to prove I was “mature” enough to make the decision. The judge got to decide my entire future, before I was able to make any decisions of my own. I felt so out of control.

I guess what stands out about my experience is just how ‘normal’ getting an abortion can be. How the procedure, frankly, felt less invasive than a standard gynecological visit.

Ultimately the judge ruled in my favor. But I still had to deal with cost and travel, barriers that are harder for young people — especially teenagers — to overcome. In some places, you have to wait for weeks and drive for hours to get an appointment at the nearest clinic. When you add the delay of having to appear before a judge, it's even longer before you can get the abortion, pushing you further into your pregnancy, and making the cost even higher.

Having an abortion was the most responsible thing I did for myself and my future, and I will never regret it. I started sharing my story to try to change parental notification laws and others that threaten abortion access. We all have the right to end a pregnancy if we're not ready to carry it to term — and to make that decision on our own, without parents, lawyers, or judges.

Kenya, 44

At 39 years old, I found out I was pregnant. Without hesitation, my partner and I both knew that an abortion was the best option for us. Being that we were both full-time single parents of teenagers, we were not looking to have more children. I called Houston Women's Clinic and scheduled an appointment. I had gone there for previous abortions so I trusted them. The doctor that performed the abortions also delivered my daughter and provides OB-GYN services to me as well.

On the day of my appointment, I woke up feeling great and sure of my decision. I arrived at the clinic, checked in and started completing the required forms. All of a sudden the most excruciating pain hit me out of nowhere. I felt faint, I could barely speak, and it was also difficult to get up from my seat. The pain was concentrated on the right side of my uterus and it was unbearable as well as relentless.

They rushed me to have an ultrasound. I remember the ultrasound technician saying she couldn't see the pregnancy but she could see fluid in my uterus. I had no clue what that meant but I would soon learn all about it. The nurse asked me if I was bleeding and responded no. She had me lay down in one of the procedure rooms and held my hand to comfort me. She told me it sounds like I may have an ectopic pregnancy and could be possibly threatening to rupture one of my fallopian tubes. She also stated that it was a life threatening condition. I started crying even harder because I was all alone. I didn’t want to tell my mom or anyone because I was embarrassed to be in this position at my age. I felt like she might be disappointed in me. The nurse assured me that I was going to be okay. She then drew my blood to test my pregnancy hormone levels (HCG) and said the results would reveal if the pregnancy was indeed ectopic, but they wouldn’t have them until the next day. So she made a judgment call and insisted that I go to the ER right away.

I immediately drove myself in pain to the ER with a letter in hand from the clinic stating I had an ectopic pregnancy so I could be expedited. When I arrived at the ER, I was directed to a very long line to be triaged. After what felt like an aeons, they called me to go for an ultrasound. It felt as though I was made to wait because the letter I presented them with had the name of the abortion clinic on it. The technician instructed me to empty my bladder. For the first time I noticed bright red blood. It was eerily silent and she did not say one word. After she finished they wheeled to a room on the maternity floor. All of a sudden, three female presenting doctors entered my room with very concerned looks on their faces. One of them said I was about to go to emergency surgery because I had an ectopic pregnancy and my right fallopian tube had ruptured and was bleeding internally. Because I’d just eaten, she said I had to be the first patient in line for surgery in the morning. They were going to remove the ruptured tube and perform a D&C, so they admitted me.

I had a successful surgery and I ended up working for the very clinic that saved my life. I saw it as my life’s mission to provide the same compassionate care I received that day. I sometimes think what might’ve happened had I not gone for an abortion. Abortion care providers saved my life and I’ll never forget that.

Jen, 41

When I was 19, one day I realized I hadn't had my period in months. I'd recently moved to a new city, and I was on the pill, so I hadn't noticed the change. I took the pregnancy test, and before the pee had dried I was looking up abortion clinics. It was not a difficult decision, and I did not feel conflict or strife. My grandmother was young when I was born, and I knew I didn't want to continue the generational legacy of young parenthood. At the moment it happened it wasn't even about that — I just knew I didn't want to, and couldn't be, pregnant.

My second abortion was when I was 29. I had a much-wanted one-year-old child and was pregnant with a second, which was also very much wanted. My husband and I were happy and stable and were enjoying growing our family.

I went for a routine prenatal exam, with my pajama-clad toddler in tow. I was not expecting any news, so I didn't have my husband with me. As the nurse practitioner began the ultrasound I cuddled my kid and waited to see his new sibling for the first time. After some poking and prodding, the NP gave me the sad news: the pregnancy had ended.

I was scheduled for a D&C the next day. I had to wait for the procedure because of laws in my state that require a waiting period between abortion counseling and the procedure. Even though my pregnancy was over, the laws still governed my uterus. When I arrived at the hospital, the provider had to read me a script written by politicians in my state that informed me I was ending a life and I could experience depression or cancer as a result of my decision. The provider explained, "this is bullsh*t, but I still have to tell you this."

The procedure was uneventful, and once again recovery was easy. I became pregnant two weeks later, with my second son, who turned out to be one of the sparkliest, quirkiest blessings I could imagine. I've shared my abortion stories with both my kids, just in the same way I would talk about any hard things in life. It's important to me that they understand the unpredictable shape the world can take and know that neither pregnancy nor loss are a punishment.

Joy*, 38

This is the story of the abortion I never thought I’d have. I had an IUD. Had being the operative word. It somehow went missing in the years since it was placed. I found this out the same day I found out I was pregnant. I was raised in an anti-choice community, and my views have slowly changed over the years. I never thought that I would need an abortion. I thought I was supporting other women. Instead, I am the one who through very unexpected circumstances and am being supported by a legion of women. If you saw me in the street, you’d never suspect that I too am the face of abortion.

Tara, 26

As I sat hearing the echoing voices of protestors, I strangely began to crave a plate of glorious Southern comfort food to soothe the stress and anxiety that filled me. I knew that the people who sat inside this tiny clinic in North Carolina with me deserved so much better. I sat in a small waiting room with 30 people in hospital gowns who were made to feel afraid and ashamed by the state’s anti-choice laws and attempts at suppressing our right to our bodies. Two rounds of counseling, a long waiting list, and a 72-hour waiting period forced upon us were used to produce shame and doubt. The clinic was small with no signs or identifying characteristics, unless you counted the groups of protestors hollering outside. Every nurse tried their best to console the sickest patients—the ones that cried, the ones that vomited. Many of the nurses were tired volunteers. They didn’t wear name tags because working at the clinic could threaten their careers in this state.

I watched folks wearing the faded hospital gowns with pride, and wondered if they felt tinges of guilt. I myself, clinched my stomach, and pondered for a second if I was making a mistake. The protestors, the long wait, the counseling sessions, the anonymous nurses, the anti-choice rhetoric that filled countless billboards in my state — it was all adding up in my head. Everything around me was telling me I should not be in that room. Yet, there I was. After my procedure I found myself in a popular North Carolina restaurant eating glorious mashed potatoes — a comfort food the South has perfected for moments like this. And as I ate my potatoes I realized I had no regret about my abortion. I made a decision, for myself, that was right for my life.

Arline, 68

I was 36 and had been using a diaphragm successfully for 16 years. I took birth control pills for the first couple of years I was sexually active, but decided that men needed to be aware that every sex act could result in pregnancy, so I switched to the diaphragm as a political statement, always inserting it in the fellow's presence and sometimes having him participate.

I was so successful in preventing pregnancy that I foolishly, ridiculously decided I must not be fertile and stopped using the diaphragm. And surprise, surprise, within 6 months I found myself knocked up. My periods had always been like clockwork so I suspected early on and was able to arrange for the abortion at the earliest possible time — 7 weeks.

A thing that struck me in the years following was that I, and the other women I knew who had abortions, more or less forgot about them, whereas the only woman I knew back then who gave a baby up for adoption never ceased thinking about him, broke down every year on his birthday and wondered about every child she saw who was her son's age.

Kerri, 40

My husband and I struggled with infertility and were so excited when I finally got pregnant. We had our 12 week ultrasound that went great and the prenatal screening testing revealed no major trisomies and that we were having a girl. I was so excited I always wanted a daughter. My anatomy scan at 21 weeks told us another story — our maternal fetal medicine doctor told us our daughter had heart and brain abnormalities and a small chest cavity. An amniocentesis revealed our daughter has triploidy. Our research and discussion with a genetic counselor told us she was not compatible with life.

My husband and I make the heart breaking decision to have an abortion and end our much wanted pregnancy. It is by far the hardest decision we have ever had to make and one we did not take lightly, but we did not want her to suffer. A few days later, I was induced and we got to hold her and spend time with her. She was so beautiful. We named her Anneliese Marie after Anne Frank, in hopes like Anne Frank she would go on living even after her death. Politicians will have people believe abortion, especially [later] abortion is cruel and wrong. It is a necessary right-at any stage of pregnancy and in cases like mine Anneliese was the most loved most wanted baby. A difficult choice made out of love and compassion.

Emily, 23

In summer 2018, I found out I was pregnant by my husband at 22 years old. I’d been married for nearly two years at that point. I took the pregnancy test a few days after my 22nd birthday and my husband and I knew immediately that we were not fit to welcome a child, due to numerous circumstances but most importantly “we don’t want children.” At 5 weeks 5 days, I got a surgical abortion.

It felt like a strong period cramp. It was not pleasant. But I would definitely do it again if I had to. I’m working towards sterilization because I don’t want children and I don’t want to get another abortion. Without that abortion, I would have a nearly 1-year old child, and not be living happy. I’d be in worse debt and my mental health would be much worse than it already is. I’m so thankful for access to safe abortion.

Anne-Marie

My story really began in 1993, when my husband and I decided we would start trying to have a baby. Six years later, after three miscarriages, I was finally excited to have made it to my second trimester of pregnancy. At 17 weeks, we had picked out some names and I was feeling good. We both sat in the doctor’s office waiting for our turn for the ultrasound. The biggest problem at that moment was deciding whether we should find out the gender of the baby or not. We finally decided we’d keep the gender a surprise. We went into the room with the ultrasound and as the technician did her measurements, we saw our baby. We were excited and I babbled on a bit, but I couldn’t help but notice that the technician did not really wish to engage in any of our conversations and was taking a long time measuring the baby’s head. I also noticed a large black spot that filled the inside of the head. Never having had an ultrasound before, I didn’t know what it meant. I asked the technician, “What is the black spot in the baby’s head?”, but she ignored my question.

The doctor came in and told us that the baby had a large fluid-filled sac in the brain and would very likely have extreme brain damage as a result.

The exact diagnosis was Dandy-Walker syndrome. We walked out of the office dazed. We had to get in separate cars: he, to go to work, and me, to go home alone and make some sense out of this unforeseen blow.

After a week of seeing specialists to confirm the severity of the abnormality and speaking to my Episcopal priest about the situation and praying and praying for some clarity, I decided to abort the fetus. I had always been pro-choice, but I didn’t ever imagine that I would ever opt to have an abortion.

My procedure went well. I knew one of the risks was that the uterus could be damaged. When I awoke, the first thing I asked was, “Is my uterus ok?” I just wanted to have children so badly. It was painful, but I healed. And two years later, I gave birth to healthy twins.

Miki, 43

The day I found out I was pregnant was six days after my mother had died in my arms from cancer. At the time I was unhealthy to an extreme, both mentally and physically. I had spent the last year caretaking for my mother. I was at all the chemo sessions, at all the doctors visits, all the procedures, but at night I was abusing myself and putting substances into my body to numb myself and feel free for just a minute. This was 16 years ago, I was 27 years old.

I look back to that time in my life and I have so many mixed emotions. I wish I had never started using drugs, I wish I had been a better daughter to my mother, I wish I had not moved. Maybe she would be alive if I had been a better person. Despite all my feelings of regret, the one decision I have never regretted is having my abortion. I feel that my abortion was my first step to my current path. It was the first empowering life choice that I had made in a very long time.

In the 16 years that have passed, I have tried to forgive myself for my previous failures. I have also used my past to drive my future. I can not change my past. Without these experiences I went through, I wouldn't even be alive, let alone be a restaurateur and a homeowner. I have a confidence in myself that you only gain through failure.

Access to a safe abortion saved my life.

Marie, 30

After having my first child, I asked myself "How can a woman who has brought life into this world possibly be able to have an abortion?” But then, I never thought I would find myself 7 weeks pregnant with an almost 3 year old and 9 month old. It was a surprise to see the positive test to say the least. The initial shock was a happy one but then I started thinking about how I struggled mentally with my second pregnancy and had finally gotten to a place where I finally felt like myself again after battling postpartum depression and anxiety. As a stay at home mom, I knew I wouldn’t be able to mentally handle going through with another pregnancy and the taxing newborn phase so quickly after my second. I am still breastfeeding for crying out loud! Like I need one more being pulling energy and fluids, not to mention any sense of self out of me for not just 9 months of pregnancy but another year on top of that. I found out on a Saturday morning, by noon that day I knew I had to have an abortion.

My husband and I went in the following Wednesday morning. I cried all morning, I cried during the walk in we had to walk past those awful ‘Christian’ protesters with their skewed signs depicting 20 week fetuses thrown in dumpsters, tied up in garbage bags, etc. (for the record, at 7 weeks, my embryo was barely a blob of cells, not a screaming crying baby that they had to pull out of my vagina), I cried while filling out paperwork, I cried while waiting for the ultrasound, and while talking to the counselor they provided me.

I wouldn’t change what I did. I wouldn’t be the mom I am today, caring daily for now 2 toddlers, sacrificing any social life and almost all self-care that is suggested to me. I give everything I am to my children and my husband. And I don’t have any regrets in making that decision to take care of my family and myself.

Michele, 55

I had an abortion at the age of 14 in the state of Washington. I was being sexually abused by a cousin and that’s how I became pregnant. I had to travel an hour to a Planned Parenthood facility to have the procedure. I never told anyone until I had graduated at the age of 17. I didn’t even realize I had been sexually abused until I was in therapy years later.

Barbara, 58

I had two abortions in New Jersey. Each time, I was about 5 weeks pregnant, according to the doctors.

I knew instantly, as soon as I discovered I was pregnant, that I wanted an abortion, there was no question. I wanted nothing to do with the fathers of the babies, both of whom I had dated and had raped me, and one of whom otherwise abused me regularly. I knew that if I had a child I would be tied to those men for the rest of my life. I also did not want to go through the pain of pregnancy and delivery, nor did I want to care for, nor try to financially support a child.

I knew instantly, as soon as I discovered I was pregnant, that I wanted an abortion, there was no question.

After my second abortion I woke up crying and the doctor was yelling at me for crying. A very nice volunteer came to comfort me. I told her right then and there, on the bed, that I wanted my tubes tied. I was shocked when she told me I would basically have to beg a doctor to do it, that it wasn't really up to me.

Paige, 28

As a parent, I knew immediately that having an abortion was the decision I needed to make, but I didn’t realize how difficult it would be to access it in my state. I live in Texas, one of the nation’s most restrictive states when it comes to abortions. 24-hour waiting periods, mandatory ultrasounds, state-mandated counseling, and out of pocket costs are all a reality here. We even lost over half of our clinics following the passage of HB2 — which imposed medically unnecessary regulations on providers, or TRAP laws. The clinic I went to didn’t have the availability to see me for two weeks, and it took several days after that to have the procedure. And when you’re pregnant when you don’t want to be, every single day matters.

Navigating the restrictions were difficult, but I was treated with the utmost kindness from the clinic staff — something that led me to later work there as a counselor. The system designed to deter me from making this decision actually had the opposite effect, and more, because I realized there was no end to the lengths lawmakers will go to significantly limit our right to abortion — until it’s completely gone. Since my abortion, I’ve rallied on the Capitol steps and spoken with my local representatives in hopes of a better future. I submitted testimony in favor of the first-of-it’s-kind (and now approved) $150,000 budget amendment for abortion-related practical support in Travis County, for things like transportation and child-care. I joined We Testify Texas to continue sharing my truth and experiences in hopes of someone else having an easier experience than I did. And I won’t stop, because everyone loves someone who’s had an abortion.

Nancy, 49

I was a college student in 1994 when I had my abortion. It was the right choice for me because I was single and it was an unplanned pregnancy. I assumed getting my abortion would be a simple doctor’s visit but I was wrong. In the state of Ohio, before I could have my ”legal” abortion, I had to: listen to the pros & cons of abortion and childbirth via the phone, talk to a biased counselor who struck me as anti-choice, pick up a brochure sponsored by the state on fetal development, and had to wait an additional 24 hours before my procedure to give me time to ”think.”

The legal hoops I had to jump through to get my ”legal” abortion were meant to dissuade me, but instead it just made me more determined to have it. The day of my procedure finally arrived and I was anxious, but not because I was worried about the actual surgery, but because I was told that procedures were being delayed because the physician had to, ”change her schedule so she wouldn’t be killed.” What? As a patient, that’s not exactly the words you want to hear, that your doctor is being threatened, and could be killed, before you get your legal medical procedure done.

Luckily, the doctor made it in that day, and I had my abortion as scheduled. I was relieved because it was the first time I really started to take charge of my sexual health and really became aware of how restrictive state abortion policies can affect ordinary women like me.

This experience began my interest in pro-choice politics and led me to become a clinic escort so other women wouldn’t have to face what I did.

Jessa, 28

In June 2012, I was in my second of five years at an accelerated college. I was entering the first round of internship interviews and juggling Spring term finals as well. I was stressed to the max but my desire to persevere was extremely strong so I just kept pushing through the whirlwind schedule of study-research-write-interview-research-write-study-interview. It only took three days before my body rebelled and hit me with a wave of shortness of breath and a tightness in my chest. Like any good hypochondriac with access to Web MD, I assumed I was dying. After the fourth of the 10 interviews I had scheduled, I flung myself through the doors of the ER. As it turns out, I was death-free and pregnancy positive.

There was never a doubt in my mind that I was going to have an abortion. Terrifying as that prospect was, reality set in that I was completely unqualified for motherhood at 20 years old. I didn’t want my life to be put on hold to be chained to the consequences of a shitty one night stand. I went to Planned Parenthood the next day and began the process of my abortion. The following week, I would return to the office to receive the Mifepristone that would start the process of a termination and then took a second pill the following day in the safety of my room at my mom’s, surrounded by all the comforting stuffed animals and band posters of my youth. The staff at Planned Parenthood were sweet and cordial and never made me question my decision. I was and am still grateful that I had so much control over my abortion, as every person should have the right to.

Erin, 45

I have had four abortions. I never used to talk about them to anyone. When I had to fill out the information sheet at the doctor where they ask how many pregnancies, I would always lie. Even staunchly pro-choice friends made incredibly judgmental remarks about people having more than one abortion. When I began working with Shout Your Abortion a friend told me maybe I should lie and say I only had two, because I'd be hurting my own cause otherwise. I thought I was definitely the only one who had had so many abortions. I was scared of other people's reactions and didn't feel strong enough to deal with them. I also didn't know how I actually felt about my own abortions. When your society is steeped in stigma, shame, and dishonesty, it's challenging to find your real thoughts. Telling the truth works!

I had one abortion with one partner, and three with another partner. The last three all occurred within a two-year timespan. They also happened during a pretty profound period of dissociation and disconnect from my own body, where nothing really felt solid or real. Things felt like they were happening *to* me rather than me being an active participant in my own life. Staying alive from day to day was very much the goal, and I wasn't capable of anything beyond that. I don't mention this because I think it is an excuse or justification for having four abortions, but rather to point out that life is very complicated. There are so many reasons why people have multiple abortions.

Alayna, 28

I took the test in a Starbucks bathroom. I was 17, scared, ashamed, but mostly just pregnant. I knew I wanted an abortion before I even talked to my boyfriend. Beyond the practical reasons not to have a baby, I just didn’t want to become a parent. For this pregnancy, I chose the medical abortion (abortion pill), and [terminated] the pregnancy while hanging out with my boyfriend’s mom. She rubbed my back while I puked, then brought me apples and peanut butter, like a child myself.

My second abortion was a secret. I only told two people I was pregnant, and with those people it was never discussed. I had the surgical abortion in the clinic and went to work managing a mayoral campaign immediately after. I didn’t want my boss to think I was taking time off during the campaign season, or was one of the types of women who would need an abortion. I’m glad to know now that we are all having abortions and we’re fine.

I didn’t find out I was pregnant for the third time until about two months in. I was drinking one or two bottles of wine each night, so the morning sickness felt like another in a long string of increasingly bad hangovers. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to have the abortion in part because I felt like I didn’t deserve another. Maybe this time, I thought, I should just have a kid. I’m glad I didn’t because it would still be two more years before I was sober and living the kind of life I wanted.

Recently, my doctor explained that I ovulate while on hormonal birth control, which is why I keep getting pregnant. Abortion is freedom. I am happy, whole and alive because of safe abortion.

Anonymous, 41

I found myself pregnant at the age of 34, and was basically in shock. I had always had an irregular cycle, so I had no way of knowing that a late period meant anything, on top of which I always assumed given my period irregularities and advancing age I would probably have a hard time getting pregnant. I took a test in the bathroom of the office building where I had been working a temp job, and it immediately came up positive. When I told my mother, she basically just said "good, so you're going to have it." She knew I had wanted a child for years, and it was like she could not even conceive of the fact that this might not be the right time for me, and that I had options.

I took 10 days to make my decision. I made one appointment, and canceled it. I searched pro-choice websites, desperate to find stories like mine, stories of women who wanted to be mothers, and were approaching an age where it may be harder to get pregnant in the future, but who also knew that they were not in the right circumstances to have a child at that point in their lives. I knew if I had a child I would love my child fiercely, but ... it just was not the life I wanted for myself or any future child of mine.

Basically I deferred my dream to become a mom until I had the kind of life that my child and I both deserved. At the same time, I feel so fortunate that I was able to access care with few restrictions, and it was as easy as a telephone call and showing up to a clinic within a week. I was around 9 weeks pregnant by the time I had my abortion, and I chose a surgical procedure with general anesthesia. The doctor was very caring, and the packed waiting room really brought home to me how desperately needed this right to abortion is for women. The actual procedure itself was nearly painless. The emotional toll it took was definitely harder. It was the right decision, but that did not make it an easy one.

When my abortion was finally done, in my bathroom at home, the wave of relief was indescribable. A depression, and sadness started to lift, and I felt like a human being again. I felt like me.

Nicole, 32

I had my abortion last November, on Thanksgiving. I had been a volunteer/patient escort for about a year previous, so when I took a test and realized I was pregnant, I was on the website within minutes. This was not my time, and I never hesitated. I owe Planned Parenthood that confidence, and safety I felt to so easily draw my conclusions. I hadn’t been feeling well for days, but being a woman that suffers from PCOS missed periods are common place for me. When I could barely get through a boxing class I picked one up on the way home. I never even got up from the toilet before I saw the result and started crying. My partner ran from the kitchen and held me there. He held me and told me everything would be ok, and helped me gather myself and we headed for the computer. When I called, terrified, the next day I was told [my local clinic] was booked for a month, and I would need to drive almost three hours [to another]. I had to take a day off a brand new job. Though I was able to get a quick appointment, I was then forced to go home, as you can’t have your procedure the same day as your testing. Instead you are forced to be pregnant another week or two. That was excruciating to me. The wait. I wore sweats. I withdrew from everyone. I felt disconnected and disgusted by my changing body. I was sick. The wait was probably the cruelest part, aside from the $600 bill, one I saw some women leave not being able to pay.

Luckily for me, I chose a medication abortion, the pills, so I just needed a quick second appointment. [My local clinic] was able to see me for my final appointment. I walked past the protesters, the same ones I’d protected other women from countless times. It was surreal. When my abortion was finally done, in my bathroom at home, the wave of relief was indescribable. A depression, and sadness started to lift, and I felt like a human being again. I felt like me. [My state's] lawmakers fight every day to make it even harder for women like me then it already is.

I have never regretted my decision, and there is no shame in it either.

It was my body. My choice.

Emily

I had an abortion seven years ago in Indiana, and even then, the abortion restrictions in the Midwest were severe. I had to view a medically unnecessary ultrasound, attend mandatory counseling sessions, and travel an hour back and forth several times that month, and walk into a clinic surrounded by protesters telling me I will burn in hell, all to get two pills to terminate my 8-9 week pregnancy—all of that unnecessary trauma for two pills. I knew what I wanted to do and have never regretted my decision, but I had to contend with unnecessary abortion restrictions designed to shame me into changing my mind, or to have to cancel the procedure because of all the financial strain these restrictions caused. As a young woman of 19, I went into debt for one of the safest medical procedures in existence because the Republicans in charge of my state said so—that’s not pro-life, it’s pro-birth. My abortion saved my life—it let me escape an abusive relationship and go onto marry my soulmate, earn three college degrees, and become the person I was meant to be. I want to be a mother but I want it to happen on my terms, not a bunch of old men’s who run the government. No one should be forced into parenthood. Abortion is a means of freedom for so many of us—I know it was for me—and it’s time society recognizes that 1 in 4 of us who have abortions. It’s a normal, safe healthcare procedure and I refuse to be shamed for it ever again.

Alyssa, 36

I had my first abortion when I was 20 years old. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I knew without hesitation that I would have an abortion. It was 2003, and my relative privilege afforded me the knowledge that it would be easy for me, while my healthcare coverage assured me I would suffer no financial strain as a result. The entire experience was wonderful. I was a nervous kid who had no idea what to expect, and I was treated with nothing but absolute respect by everyone from the receptionist to the doctor to the nurses in post-op. A highlight of the day, which doesn't always amuse people when I tell this story, was joking around with the anesthesiologist before I started counting backwards about how he’d better not steal all my stuff while I was asleep. It's been over 16 years, and I can confidently say that in that time I have never once had a more positive, affirming, and comfortable experience in a healthcare setting than I did that day.

My second abortion was almost exactly two years later. This time I went to Planned Parenthood and received the abortion pills. Nobody joked around with me this time, which was a little disappointing because jokes help my nerves, but overall it was a positive experience with lasting effects. The folks at PP got me on birth control right away and I went on to return to them for my reproductive care for 5 more years, receiving education and treatment which prevented me from having to ever have another abortion.

I’ll always be grateful to have been allowed to participate in determining what was best for my reproductive healthcare at a young age; it set the stage for me to appropriately advocate for myself medically for the rest of my life, which is something a lot of people never learn to do.

Amanda, 42

I was 21 the first time I got pregnant. I’d immediately felt certain that I’d have this baby and all would be well, and I was right about that. I was in college then, and the pregnancy itself was no easy road. It was during that experience of being young and afraid of a million unknowns, while also being fully supported by a loving family and partner, that I truly understood why others could not make the choice I had. I felt wildly connected to those who’d chosen abortion even though I hadn’t chosen it for myself.

I now have five children total, two adopted. That unplanned baby of my youth is heading into her first year of college. Her father and I have divorced and every idea I’ve ever had about what my life would look like is ash now. I have a new boyfriend and I’m at least six weeks along before I even know I’m pregnant but I don’t for a second think that all will be well this time. I’m self-employed and underinsured. I have no paid time off and my responsibilities as a mom are already sometimes more than I can hold. I surely cannot hold another and I know this in my bones. To end this pregnancy I drive past protesters holding signs that suggest I don’t know what I’m about to do, but I do know. The lengths I would go to save myself and the children I already have are immeasurable. Afterwards, I am relieved and I am grateful and I am again wildly connected, this time to those who want to or need to, but cannot, make this choice.

Poppy

I found out I was pregnant on Saturday September 26, 2015 and had an abortion the following Tuesday, September 29. I was 24 years old at the time and in a relationship with a man considerably older than me who I currently don't speak with anymore. Between finding out I was pregnant and having my abortion, I only told him and one other person (my costar in the play I was in at the time) and no one else. The logistics of my abortion were easy because I was financially stable and was able to make an appointment at the Planned Parenthood quickly. But I also felt really lonely which was a feeling that surprised me as someone who has always been very pro-choice.

I opted for the procedure, the wait was several hours long but the procedure turned out to not be as painful as I had thought. My partner at the time waited in the waiting room and brought me food afterwards. I felt lucky that my partner was there but when I saw him I felt lonelier than ever. I wanted to call my mom so badly but I was afraid of what she would say, especially because she didn't like our relationship.

Summer, 20

When I was 19 I chose to undergo corrective underbite jaw surgery. Before the surgery, I had to pee in a cup for them to test for pregnancy. Standard procedure. In the operating room the nurse said “patient is not pregnant.” I said “thank God” out loud and then I proceeded to have my surgery. Recovering was not easy but I noticed I missed my period and i figured it was due to the pain medicine and stress on my body from a major surgery. Later I started getting really worried and I took a pregnancy test, I prepared myself for what I already knew was happening. I looked at the positive pregnancy test and I broke down in my bathroom. I was not ready to be a mom, I didn’t even think I wanted a baby. I want to go to medical school and be a doctor, not be a mom that struggles to feed her baby. I told my boyfriend of 2 years and we cried together because we really did want to keep it and love it. But we both knew we weren’t ready mentally or financially. I worried that due to me being put under for surgery and being on many pain meds it would have harmed the baby. Eventually I booked an appointment for a medical abortion and we drove three hours to the office. We waited about three hours and the doctor gave me a pill to take then to stop the pregnancy, and 4 pills to insert 24 hours later to cause the bleeding and expelling. No one tells you that it’s similar to a miscarriage and that miscarriages can be very painful. But the next day I was fine, it was like I was having a very heavy period and then I went back to normal. I didn’t regret anything.

Fast forward to March and I ran out of birth control. I had my period at the end of March and I thought everything was fine, until I did not get my period for April. I quickly took a pregnancy test and it was positive yet again. I was just shocked at how easily I got pregnant while so many women struggle to get pregnant. I felt like a complete asshole because I already knew I couldn’t keep my baby even though this time it really killed me to think about not keeping it. I booked an appointment at an office five hours away to get a surgical abortion. I was terrified.

This time really messed me up and I definitely feel really guilty. It’s not even been a week since I got it and I’m hoping it eases up. I told a few friends about the first one and I told no one about the second fearing judgement and it’s been really hard but I do not regret it because I know this is what’s best for me. When I am ready for a baby I want to be able to spoil my little angel and not be forced into having it due to lack of choice, struggling to make it by.

Alex, 32

I was 22 years old and in the Marine Corps when I got pregnant, so I was stationed in Arizona. I asked my doc if my [military health insurance] covered abortion procedures and he responded that not only do they not cover it, but if there were any complications they would also not cover those. Pretty scary words coming from a person I respected and trusted. I called the local clinic and chatted on the phone with a woman that told me they could not schedule an appointment any sooner than a week from the call. I made the appointment exactly a week from the call.

I don’t regret it for a single day. All I regret is getting the abortion pills in a state that mandated traumatic practices with no regard for the people it harms.

I went to work and worked with hazardous materials for the week before wondering if I was going to change my mind. I wondered if changing my mind would mean I had a pregnancy that was exposed to all of the fluids that make military aircraft fly. I wondered if the fumes and stress from being in the nations most intense fighting force would cause any issues. Most importantly I wondered why I had to wait for 7 days when I knew what I wanted. I wondered why I had to go through this week of wondering that lead me back to the exact same conclusion I came to the first time I thought it over.

The day of the abortion comes around and I walk into the clinic. I see another marine there. He was there with his girlfriend and when we made eye contact there was a moment of “oh no” then the realization that I had someone to talk to about it. It was really comforting. I go to the back room and start my appointment. In the appointment they do a trans-vaginal ultrasound because the cluster of cells is so small it cannot be picked up by standard ultrasound machines. For easy lubrication and clean up they put a condom on the trans-vaginal ultrasound machine before they inserted it into my body. Looking back and finding out that there was no need to do that makes me feel violated and sad. They offered me a picture of the sonogram and I said yes and took it. Then I threw it out a few months later after finding it again. I did the pill version of the abortion and went through the stages of medical miscarriage. I went through this process with the support of my family and friends. I don’t regret it for a single day. All I regret is getting the abortion pills in a state that mandated traumatic practices with no regard for the people it harms.

Anne, 73

The year of my abortion was 1965, 55 years ago, with Roe v. Wade not even on the horizon. I was barely 19 years old, a sophomore [in college] and in a committed relationship.

Why did I take such a risk, drive with my boyfriend to that bar in Tijuana? I was the world’s only expert on my own life, that’s why. I took responsibility for my situation. I would never burden my family or bear and then abandon a child. I was unprepared to marry or support myself, let alone a child.

Benny, 29

My abortion was freedom — whenever I think of it, I think of flying, of traveling, of experiencing new things, of falling in love, of living my life. I found out I was pregnant while I was in an abusive relationship in college. I was very well aware of how abusive and toxic my relationship was but I was not ready to leave. My abortion didn't suddenly make me feel ready to leave but it did give me a little light of hope that there wasn't anything tying me to this person. I could not even think of having a baby with someone who had done such horrendous things to me - someone who had violated me, disrespected me and made me doubt my worthiness as a human. I could not do it. My abortion was freedom — it let me breathe, it let me love, it let me see wonders of the world, and it let me take control of my life. My abortion gave me power.

Beth, 25

I have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) and irritable bowel syndrome, which means I’m in a constant state of pain. I have absent and irregular — if present at all — periods, nausea and vomiting, weight fluctuation from the PCOS, as well as cramping and more from the IBS-C/D, all of which are symptoms of an early pregnancy. So, when I was 22, I didn’t find out I was pregnant until a while into my pregnancy.

Unsure of what to do after I learned I was pregnant, an aide at my doctor's office told me to go to a clinic, which turned out to be an anti-abortion crisis pregnancy center, for a free ultrasound I thought I needed. There I filled out the paperwork, took a pregnancy test, and went into a small room with a counselor, who gave me a ton of literature and talked to me about my options. Because the crisis pregnancy center didn’t have nurses on staff, she said I would need to go to a different location for an ultrasound. I started to feel weird about the way they were trying to convince me not to have an abortion. But I was panicking, so I was willing to accept any free help I could get.

At the second clinic, they gave me a "diagnostic ultrasound" and broadcasted the image on a huge television screen. They pointed at the fetal parts and said macabre things like “Let’s check to make sure the head is attached.”

I was sobbing and couldn’t bear to look at the screen. They handed me six ultrasound images and said I was 16 weeks pregnant. I explained I wanted an abortion, but they said it was dangerous. I now know it’s a very safe procedure. I realized they were never going to help me, so I left.

The next day I went to a hospital near my home to get a real ultrasound. That’s when I couldn’t believe what they told me: I was actually 26 weeks pregnant.

When I finally saw a doctor who could provide me with an abortion, she said she had to get approval from the hospital board because of hospital policy, which was denied. I cried. I didn’t know what I would do. I didn’t want to continue the pregnancy because I was too sick, not ready, and I simply couldn’t afford it.

Despite living in Oregon, a state with one of the most progressive abortion laws in the nation, I encountered so many obstacles to accessing abortion just because of my situation. Eventually, my doctor referred me to a clinic in New Mexico, but that meant I had to fly across the country just to get an abortion — and it would be expensive.

Afterward, I searched the Internet to look for later-abortion stories like mine. Most focus on fetal anomalies and health issues, and not the barriers that keep us from being able to access care by design. I know I’m lucky — I live in a state with no restrictions on when in pregnancy an abortion is allowed and Medicaid coverage of abortion care, yet it can still be inaccessible if we’re misled or just can’t afford it. This is especially true for young people.

A nation that acknowledges our constitutional right to abortion is not the same as a nation that makes abortion accessible to us when we need it. There are no rights without access.

Brittany, 35

I'd just turned 23 and was the mother of 3 small children under the age of 7. My youngest daughter was 5 months old. I was sharing a 2 bedroom with my sister and niece.

After calling several abortion clinics, I was told I that Medicaid, my form of health insurance, would not cover the procedure. I was still in my first trimester but time was ticking. It took me several weeks to raise enough money for a first trimester procedure but by then I was in my second. I didn't know what to do or think. I wanted to terminate my pregnancy by any means necessary.

After contacting a local hospital, I was given a number to a local abortion fund. I reached out to Chicago Abortion Fund for possible funding, which I was granted. I was able to have my abortion thanks to their financial support. With their assistance I was forever changed. I was supported by the organization to become a reproductive justice advocate and leader within my own community. I volunteered at CAF and never looked back.

God is the ultimate author of our lives, and I had an abortion as a believer of God because He planned it

Cazembe, 39

I am excited to lift up the voices of Black trans men who have had abortions and want to give birth. I feel like it helps other folks to find themselves if they can see examples of folks who look and live like them in the media.

Often when we think of abortion access or even pregnancy and childbirth we call these “women’s issues”. This erases the experience of trans and gender nonconforming folks who also have abortions and give birth to children. It is important for for trans folks to know that they are included in this movement and that there is safe comprehensive care available for them too. I want to do everything in my power to make this a reality.

I wish that folks understood that men have abortions too.That gender is separate from the ability to reproduce children. That every person who has the ability to create children is capable of determining when if ever is the right time to do it.

Co, 20

Christ told me that having an abortion was the right decision for me.

I know this isn’t something that people hear often, but given that a majority of abortion patients are religious, I suspect it’s true for a lot of those who choose the procedure. Religion and abortion have always been pitted against one another, but as a 17-year-old high-school senior when I learned I was pregnant, I was already praying about my future as I filled out college applications, asking where God was going to lead me.

I also wasn’t ready to tell my family about either the pregnancy or my choice to end it. But Texas requires parental consent for people under 18 to get an abortion. One of my friends explained that I could petition for a judicial bypass, meaning I would have to go to court and get a judge to sign off on the procedure.

Because I often put my faith in Christ as he leads me to the best decisions, I spent the next week in constant prayer; I can recall the day I was on the bathroom floor at my friend’s house before school, asking: “God, what is this? Is this what’s next?” It was: Soon after, a friend told me about Jane’s Due Process, a Texas organization that helps young people go through the judicial-bypass process.

Sometimes people ask how I can be a follower of Christ and have an abortion. My response is that God is a God of love, and if you know that then you’ve answered your own question. God is the ultimate author of our lives, and I had an abortion as a believer of God because He planned it, so that I could stand for His people and people like me. Anything that involves people getting the love and the care they deserve is something that He would be a part of, and God was with me through the entire decision.

Dev, 70

I’m 70 years old now and I’m looking back on my experience of having an abortion 50 years ago — in 1970, three years before Roe v. Wade. I had recently left home, estranged from my family, supporting myself, working as a long distance telephone operator and taking college classes. One week I felt sick and thought I had the flu, so after several days with no improvement, I went to the student health center. Unbeknownst to me, they did a pregnancy test and a few days later a nurse called me and told me that it was positive.

I was in shock, total disbelief that this could be happening to me. We had little to no sex education back in those days, and what I knew about sex was based on what I could find to read in the library and what people had told me. I was devastated and panicky when I got the news. I was living alone, barely able to take care of myself. There was no way I could possibly go through with a pregnancy and support someone else. When I got a grip on the reality of the situation, I realized that the only way forward for me was terminating the pregnancy. I couldn’t imagine anything else.

Since abortion was illegal at that time, I had to find someone connected with the underground.

Since abortion was illegal at that time, I had to find someone connected with the underground. Luckily, I met a guy at a party who was able to set it up for me. He knew someone else who could arrange for the procedure if I could come up with $400. After a couple of weeks of high anxiety while scraping the money together, he made the arrangements and picked me up late one night along with another man. They drove me out to a run down motel in the middle of nowhere. I had no idea where we were. It was pitch black dark and I was scared to death, but I was determined to do what I needed to do. They took me into a room where a man was waiting for us. He called himself a doctor, but I had no idea whether he was really a doctor. I simply had to trust him and hope he knew what he was doing.

After the procedure was over and I had recovered, I went on with my chaotic life. Mentally, it was a huge relief. I didn’t look back much at the time, because I knew I had done the right thing. I was just glad it was over.

Elizabeth, 35

I’m a queer Mexican immigrant woman, who migrated to the US with my two parents when I was 4. I have had two abortions in my lifetime. One when I was 21, and another at age 32. Both instances were quite different for a number of factors: employment, insurance, money, relationship status, state, and of course age.

My first abortion quite literally changed my life for the better. That day I became an activist. I was pissed about how hard it was for me to seek this regular health care procedure because my state legislators think they get a say over my private health care decisions. Mostly, I was and still am hurt and angered by the stigma that we throw at pregnant people deciding to end a pregnancy. Most importantly though, I learned how to show up for people seeking care. I knew I wanted to be that soft place to land for someone seeking abortion.

Emily, 26

I had an abortion when I was 19, during my sophomore year of college. I was on the pill but I still got pregnant —I wasn't taking it exactly as directed. In any case, as soon as I found out I was pregnant I knew I wanted an abortion, it just took a long time for me to reconcile myself with that decision. It was very difficult to do so as a lower-class woman in a conservative state. I had to drain my savings account to obtain my abortion, and had to travel an hour just to obtain it, and had to deal with everyone around me in my town being very very against abortions—our local Catholic school takes its students to March for Life every year, so it was obviously a hostile environment to have to make this decision in. I was very lucky to have the support of my parents throughout the process, but my ex boyfriend was very unsupportive and so were many of the people who I thought were my friends.

Afterwards, my car was vandalized and I received hate mail for a long time. But the procedure itself was easy. The only part that wasn't easy was because of the TRAP laws that have swept the nation I was required to have a medically unnecessary ultrasound, and I was required to attend a counseling session 48 hours before the procedure, which meant more traveling and more money. I remember the protestors at the clinic I went to vividly as well, perhaps more vividly than the procedure itself. Their messages of hate stayed with me for years afterwards. I truly believe that by sharing our personal abortion stories, we can help to lift the abortion stigma and change the conversation as 1 in [4] women have an abortion, we need to have our voices heard.

Jae, 37

When I was a teenager, I fell in love with a much older man. I thought we would be together forever, so when I realized I was several months pregnant I was sure he would see it as something to bring us together. I wasn’t shocked at the suggestion of an abortion, but the way he began to treat me as a transaction hurt. He took me to a different town across the state and spent the whole drive back explaining why it was my fault we had to break things off. Years later, I remembered the pain of that heartache but remain grateful that I was able to have the abortion. I couldn’t have had a child with that man, nor been able to be a parent. Because of access to safe medical abortion, I was able to graduate from college and live my life as a transgender non-binary person. Abortion is a transgender issue, too.

Jordyn, 23

When I was 18, I found out I was pregnant. I knew immediately that choosing to end my pregnancy was the right choice for me. Thankfully, I found a clinic near me and was able to schedule my abortion. The clinic staff were kind and caring, and their support reaffirmed my choice. I have felt like I had to justify my abortion because of stigmatizing narratives by saying things like, “I wasn’t financially stable.” But what it really comes down to is that I just didn’t want to be pregnant and I didn’t want to be a parent. And that’s all the justification anyone needs. Abortion doesn’t have to be this sad, scary thing. A lot of the time it's not. It can be empowering. It can be affirming. Mine was great. Other people may want to put their own feelings onto my story and say abortion should be sad, but mine was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I celebrate my abortion, and no one can take that away from me.

Joy, 38

At age 18, going to college was my ticket out of my sleepy, midwestern hometown. I had big plans for the future and a full academic scholarship waiting for me at an out-of-state University.

It doesn't matter how I got pregnant. It doesn't matter that I was still in high school. It doesn't matter that I was on my own; my relationship with the other "responsible" party ended over the possibility that I might be pregnant. These details would be the same even if I'd felt differently about my pregnancy. What I felt was fear.

I didn't want to be pregnant.

For me, the thought of giving birth was unbearable. My abortion provided an end to the misery of carrying an unwanted pregnancy. I am still grateful I had a choice other than carrying to term.

Instead, I earned a college degree, started working, moved to the East Coast, and found my people. I followed my passion for helping others into human services and built a deeply fulfilling career. I fell in love and married my wife. Now we are talking seriously about adopting or fostering children of our own.

In so many ways, my abortion is just a minor footnote in the story of my life. Without it, the rest of my life would not have unfurled into such a rich and joyful tapestry.