× Expand via flickr/craigcloutier Driving in the snow in St. Louis is like the opposite of a race: the person who takes the longest wins.

The first serious snowfall is something of a holiday in St. Louis. And no, we’re not talking about getting classes or work canceled for a snow day. We’re talking about the annual celebration of just how bad St. Louisans can be at driving in the snow.

× My least favorite day of the year - the first day of winter when St. Louisans have to drive in the snow #TrainWreck #WeCanGoFasterThan9mph — Sydney Tefft (@sydneytefft) January 20, 2016

Every year, as the first few inches of snow dust up the roads and highways, St. Louis transplants remind their adopted city that not everyone freaks out after every snowstorm:

So if you’re new to St. Louis or just never noticed how widespread the city’s panic is on the first snow day, here’s our 12-step guide to driving in the snow like you were raised on gooey butter cake:

1. Check to see if classes at your high-school alma mater are canceled for a snow day. (Note: Do this regardless of how many years you’ve been out of school.)

× Does anyone else check to see if their High School is closed, even though you're 30 and it doesn't matter? #weareopen — Gioia's Deli (@GioiasDeli) January 20, 2016 TONS of #STL schools are closed. But, both my grade school & my high school appear to be open. Why does this matter to me? #stlwx — Chris Reimer (@ChrisReimer) January 20, 2016

2. Pick your route, and ready yourself for a tough slog. (Don’t forget snacks.)

3. Forget everything you ever knew about driving.

4. Once you’re on the road, ride your brakes hard...

× St. Louis drivers when they see a snow flake. #stlwx pic.twitter.com/ZQ8VMXrQgf — Nick (@STLGOONIE) January 20, 2016 I had no problems with the road, but the F-150 that was in front of me kept fish tailing. Be responsible. #stlwx — Paul (@aPaulitical) January 19, 2016

5. ...or don’t use them at all.

6. Get excited when you reach double-digit speeds on the highway.

× Just broke 10 mph #Stlwx 2 hours later — Boulio (@21boul) January 19, 2016 Hey everybody, let's all drive 25 mph as if we are in the midst of the world's most severe blizzard instead of 2 inches in #STL, okay? — Mandy St. Amand (@mandystlpd) January 20, 2016 Because swic was stupid & didn't cancel classes, had to drive home from Belleville going 10 mph & still ended up in a ditch — Katie Ficker (@katieficker) January 20, 2016

7. Driving in the snow in St. Louis is like the opposite of a race: the person who takes the longest wins. Time it so that you can brag to co-workers how long it took you to get from here to there.

8. Calculate how disproportionate St. Louis’ reaction to snow is compared to the actual amount of snowfall.

× St. Louis math: 0.05 inches of snow = normal commute time x 5 — Doyle Murphy (@DoyleMurphy) January 19, 2016 Half an inch of snow and the city is gridlocked. #stlwx — Brian (@Le_Noceur) January 19, 2016 Road are a mess & schools are closed over 2 lousy inches of snow that stopped falling several hours ago. Keep being you, STL. #STLwx — Michael (@STLMetsFan5) January 20, 2016

9. Complain about the lack of snow plows and salt trucks…

× @MoDOT_StLouis please explain why 170 is plowed up to Page. Thereafter northbound lanes are slick/slushy. Nat Bridge off ramp is DANGEROUS — Markus (@classysportsfan) January 20, 2016 They knew this was coming so I guess my question is why is there snow on the road? Where is the salt? Where's the plows? #STLwx — Jason Wagner (@threefourteen) January 19, 2016 I am shocked that I was on time today. SHOCKED. Basically ZERO efforts were put into clearing the roads. #STLwx — Jim (@thatonejimguy) January 20, 2016

10. ...until you hit one.

× MoDOT officials say 3 plows have been hit in last hour by cars in our area. MoDOT urging drivers to give plows room to work.#stl@fox2now — Chris Regnier (@chrisregniertv) January 20, 2016

11. Try to save others from your fate.

× Don't even try driving on 70 west right now. 75 minutes to go from UMSL to just before Earth City. @stlwx #TrafficSTL — Michael (@STLMetsFan5) January 19, 2016 Seriously. If you're considering driving on 70 west toward STC right now, don't. Find a restaurant and have some dinner. #STLwx #TrafficSTL — Michael (@STLMetsFan5) January 19, 2016

12. Swear to yourself that next time, you’re taking the Metro.

photo via