Twitter is a beautiful and magical place where, in 140 characters or less, women are changing the world. Ok fine, maybe not always “changing the world,” but definitely making solid jokes about our boobs.

1.

How my mom and I watch Hallmark movies: "Look at his/her stupid face"

"This plot is so dumb"

"This snow is so fake" End of the movie: both sobbing — Carly Ledbetter (@ledbettercarly) November 27, 2017

2.

I can't wait to own a dog and name him something dumb like Lasagna lmao. GO EAT LASAGNA. GO TO BED DILDO. UR BEING A BAD BOY BURRITO. — Katie Corvino (@kTc0rvin0) November 29, 2017

3.

it's "put a hoodie on so i don't have to put a bra on" season. — king crissle (@crissles) December 1, 2017

4.

me, about to hit 'play' on *all* my christmas albums from now until December 25 pic.twitter.com/9Wba3F3G9J — Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) December 1, 2017

5.

filing as YOLO on my taxes from now on — Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) December 2, 2017

6.

Children eating their lunch in the dog park and opening the gate recklessly and telling my dog to “stay away” have rocketed to #1 on my list of enemies — Kelly Conaboy (@kellyconaboy) December 1, 2017

7.

i fell in love with someone in my dream & cried when i woke up — cait (@harmonicait) December 2, 2017

8.

Shout-out to everybody who had visitors to a big city over the long weekend and showed them how to stand to the right on the escalators and walk on the left. — Laura Helmuth (@laurahelmuth) November 27, 2017

9.

holy shit Kanye West tried to warn us in 2010 pic.twitter.com/ytQG2ztu6b — Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) December 1, 2017

10.

Wait. Are we all sure they’re called “dogs” and not “doogs”?… Cause “Good doog!” sounds so much cooler and also we’re missing out on a kickbutt palindrome. — Ali Spagnola (@alispagnola) December 1, 2017

11.

It’s my bedtime but please remember that earlier tonight I fixed my football team by taking off my Mardi Gras beads and now they are SEC champions — ROSE BOWL GOER AMANDA MULL (@amandamull) December 3, 2017

12.

i got bored so i made a groupchat with 32 of my tinder matches and sent them the cool girl monologue from gone girl pic.twitter.com/IS9F43Z0rV — bri (@ariesbIood) December 2, 2017

13.

I’m on a diet for most of the day. I start out really well and then by 5pm I’m like I’ve been so good today and eat a bunch of pizza and candy. — GigiEngle (@GigiEngle) December 1, 2017

14.

I am so severely navigationally challenged, when cab drivers ask me for directions, I respond as if I've been asked to perform heart surgery — Lauren Duca (@laurenduca) December 3, 2017

15.

Current Mood: I can't believe I winged my eyeliner for this shit. — Zara Barrie (@FactoryGrrrl) November 29, 2017

16.

wen u realize u feed ur cat more than u feed urself pic.twitter.com/uv1L7ssjF6 — Kaitlyn Cawley (@kcawlz) November 30, 2017

17.

What is it about being in the suburbs that makes me only want to watch HGTV? — Alexia LaFata (@alexialafata) November 26, 2017

18.

*opens can of spaghetti sauce and pours it on noodles* i am a chef — Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) November 28, 2017

19.

My sister is 90% done with her Christmas shopping and I am 90% done with this bottle of vodka. — Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) November 28, 2017

20.

A woman remembers every fucking thing you say to her. Choose your words carefully. — SummerCandyEyes (@SummerCandyEyes) December 2, 2017

21.

If getting my winter body ready means it looks like a snowman, mine's ready. — TheMotherOctopus (@MotherOctopusKJ) November 29, 2017

22.

My son calls dessert his "bonus round" and I think we should all follow his lead. — Valerie ❤️s Presents (@ValeeGrrl) November 30, 2017

23.

Don't fight your demons: invite them in, nurture them, fuel their unholy power, get them to destroy your enemies, take them bowling. — Lynn-Manuel Mirandom (@illiter8too) February 23, 2017

24.

No thanks, malls. I shop from home without pants like a normal person. — Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) November 25, 2017

25.

Me: Men are trash and deserve nothing

Also me: I would put Armie Hammer’s entire foot in my mouth — Jenavieve Hatch (@jenavievehatch) December 1, 2017

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