ZAGREB, CROATIA—Sources within the Croatian government confirmed today that Prime Minister Zoran Milanović is currently stuck under a massive pile of turnips. "Help!" the prime minister said after a horse-drawn turnip wagon tipped over and trapped him beneath what appeared to be thousands of pounds of the bulbous root vegetable. "Get these turnips off of me!" At press time, a rescue crew had successfully provided Milanović with a supply of paprika so that he could begin eating his way out.

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