‘Divisive’ referendum ‘will cause huge economic uncertainty’ says woman enacting divisive referendum causing huge economic uncertainty

With apparently no sense of irony, Theresa May has said that a second Scottish independence referendum would be “divisive and cause huge economic uncertainty”, before returning to work on legislation to follow through on her own party’s divisive referendum that is causing huge economic uncertainty.

Mrs May accused the SNP of showing tunnel vision in their plans for going it alone, before continuing to steamroller plans for hard Brexit through parliament with as little debate as possible.

The Prime Minister then said that Scotland was stronger as part of the UK, its neighbour and principal export market, before claiming that the UK would be stronger out of the EU, its neighbour and principal export market.

Mrs May finally went on to accuse the SNP of playing politics with the future of the country, before going back to enacting the results of a referendum principally designed by her party to silence a few Euro-sceptic backbenchers once and for all.