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Nastya Rybka claims to have been the mistress of Russian billionaire Oleg Deripaska. Why should you care about this? Well, Rybka also claims to be able to connect all of the dots missing from the Russia investigation and President Donald J. Trump. Rybka was recently arrested and thrown into a Thai jail and now, most likely because she’s been arrested and cut off from her Russian money source, she’s ready to spill all the tea.




“I am ready to tell you about all those jigsaw puzzles you were missing, to support it with audio, video, regarding the connection between our ‘dear’ parliament members with [former Trump campaign manager Paul] Manafort, Trump and all this ‘buzz’ around the election in the USA,” said Rybka, who appeared to be riding around in a caged vehicle, USA Today reports. “I know a lot. Therefore, I shall wait for your offers, and I wait in the Thai prison.”

Wait, I’m completely confused. Rybka is locked up in a Thai prison and is riding around in a caged vehicle, most likely a prison-transport vehicle, but she still has her phone and access to her Instagram account?


Also, instead of asking for help, she’s offering to sell her story to whoever can get her out of prison. If it weren’t for this divisive administration and this backward-ass president, I would chalk up Rybka’s missive as the desperate pleas of a Russian thot, but I hate this administration so much, I am tempted to start a GoFundMe account in her honor. Oh, and then there is this:

“If we go back to Russia we will die in Russian’s prison or they will kill us,” she wrote Tuesday on her Instagram account. “Please USA help us not to die from Russians!”

Rybka was arrested along with nine other Russians who claimed to be sex experts running a course on lovemaking, which I guess is illegal in Thailand.

According to the Associated Press, Deripaska was a business associate of former Trump campaign manager Manafort and hired him starting in 2006 to influence American politics to benefit Russia. The contract stipulated $10 million a year for Manafort’s services.


While Rybka could have the goods to sink this torturous administration’s bootleg dingy, Rybka also admits to making shit up from time to time, USA Today reports. But she has provided receipts to back up part of her story.

Here’s how USA Today recounts bits of her memoir, Who Wants to Seduce a Billionaire?, in which she writes about galavanting with top Russian officials, a tome that’s been cited by Alexei Navalny, a Russian opposition leader and critic of Russian President Vladimir Putin:

Navalny used Rybka’s memoir Who Wants to Seduce a Billionaire?, her social media postings and geolocation techniques to show that she spent time in August 2016 on Deripaska’s yacht off the coast of Norway. She had claimed in her book that the cruise was off the coast of Greenland. Photos on her Instagram account, @natya_rybka.ru, showed her on the navy blue, teak-decked Elden with Deripaska. They also showed Deripaska there with Sergei Prikhodko, who’s described on the Russian government’s website as deputy prime minister of the Russian Federation.


Deripaska posted a statement to Instagram on Feb. 9 claiming that he’s never done anything wrong and plans to defend his “honor and dignity” in court. Prikhodko also suggested to the Russian newspaper RBK Daily that he would like to fight Navalny, but promised to “remain within the legal framework,” USA Today reports.



So who’s going to spring to get the Russian call girl out of Thai jail? Do the Bernie bros want in on this? I’m ready to hear what else she’s got to say, and even if it’s a lie, it’s an exciting lie, not like the ones this third-grade administration tells.