Survivor: Island of the Idols has arrived! Every week, Parade.com’s Mike Bloom will bring you interviews with the castaway most recently voted off of the island.

“I think the perception of me is going to be my biggest barrier,” Jason Linden told me days before he started Survivor. The personal injury attorney’s words proved prophetic, as his early idol searching put him at the top of Vokai’s Most Wanted list. He was able to recover by the tribe’s first vote, with an empty bag and a full dance card of allies. But his reputation came back to bite him after the swap, as his intelligence coupled with a timely advantage from Elaine Stott created a block which shocked the attempt to go to rocks.

Before the game, Jason struck out on his own to start his own law firm. And much like his legal career, he started the game in a similarly independent position, though not by choice. His adamancy to go idol hunting on Day 1 rubbed Vokai the wrong way, with only Noura Salman dancing in his corner. Now on the backfoot, Jason had to do a bit of his own movement and was able to ingratiate himself back into the tribe by making key connections. Though Vokai still split votes on him to be safe, this New York Dante had properly survived the inferno and climbed out of purgatory. When the swap hit, tribal lines divided the group, but Aaron Meredith was vowing to flip. Jason hoped to catch a “big bird” at Tribal in Elaine, but ended up with his goose getting cooked. The factory worker produced an advantage that denied him his right to vote, giving the Lairos an upper hand. And in an extremely emotional game of Russian roulette among the Vokais, he was the one who took the bullet.

Now out of the game, Jason talks about who his alliance’s actual target was going into Tribal Council, how he dug his way out of his initial position, and what surprised him about the human elements of the game.

It was shocking from our perspective to see you go out in this way. Now that you’ve had some time to sit on it, what’s been your response?

I’ve had six and a half months to digest it and play it through once or twice. The best way I can put it right now is that I’m overwhelmed by the outpouring of response. I thought it would have this response. But ultimately, when it actually happened, I’m still like, “Whoa, this is nutty.”

Let’s talk about the moment that elicited that response. In your Day After video, I noticed you said that as soon as Elaine pulled out her advantage, you knew you would be the target. What made you feel that way?

There were a couple of things. We’ll start with the obvious. Tommy and Lauren both told me, “If they’re not gonna flip, their target is you.” So I already knew they were potentially targeting me. I was tipped off about that the day of Tribal. Also, because there was so little “mat chat” at challenges, we didn’t know each other’s names. We were getting the Lairo names piece by piece. I was one of the last people Jeff spoke to, and it wasn’t until probably the third or fourth episode. They didn’t know my name, so in substitution, they were calling me “Fishbach.” (Laughs.)

So immediately at the swap, Elaine came over, saying, “Hey, Jason! Nice to meet you. We were calling you Fishbach.” And I was like, “Holy crap! They were calling me Fishbach?! One of the greatest Survivor strategists ever?!” I knew they were already perceiving me as this strategist and potentially targeting me. I was more focused after the swap on the strategic situation when maybe I should have been more focused on trying to make human connections with them. But the facts that were laid out in front of me told me I needed to focus on the strategy at that point.

We saw last night that Aaron kept promising you and the former Vokais that he would flip to your side. It was to the point where you told the tribe, “Don’t trust Aaron” on your way out. How much was he affirming his loyalty to you?

He was giving us the hard sell on it, even more than Missy. Let me just say that this happened almost immediately after the swap. We got back to camp, and in our first conversations with Lairo, he said, “Let’s get Elaine out of here. It’s done.” Then Missy came to us with the same information. I perceived them as being super aggressive, to the point where the move might even benefit them. I thought, “Is there another move available to us?”

Had that advantage not come to fruition for lucky Elaine, they would have flipped, and I would still be in the game. Let’s make that very clear. Last night’s episode did a good job of telling that story. Aaron was selling us hard, but he was actually our target. We intended to send him home if things stood at 4-4. It didn’t come across in the episode, and I hope I don’t come across nutty saying that. But realistically, that was our plan. Old Vokai was playing chess, and I feel the advantage turned it into checkers.

What was it about Aaron that made you want to target him going into that Tribal Council? And what caused you to flip the vote to Elaine?

I’ll start with the last question. The whispers that you heard at Tribal Council were to get everybody back on the same page to vote for Elaine, now knowing she doesn’t have an idol, and there’s the potential Aaron or Missy could still flip on her. That was our best play at that time.

Leading up to it, we had to choose between Missy and Aaron. That choice got complicated because we all had different thoughts on the value of keeping each of them around. Tommy wanted Aaron around as a meat shield. Lauren wanted Missy around as an ally. Dan didn’t really care. Ultimately, we chose Aaron because we needed to be four strong on the situation. Lauren was the only one that really wanted Aaron, and we agreed on Aaron because he would be the bigger threat later in challenges. We were trying to make Missy and Aaron flip on Elaine, leave Missy in the game having just voted for her and making Lairo even more fractured than when they came to us at the swap.

I want to rewind to the beginning of the game, with an eventful entrance to match your eventful exit. When I visited the Vokai camp, I got a sense of isolation from you in comparison to the rest of the tribe. Talk to me about the first impression you made and your struggles early on.

I bet you were surprised to see the second episode! (Laughs.) It was even worse than what they showed on television, to be honest. But I think the edit did a good job of showing the isolation. I had problems when I walked off the boat. I was wearing this sports jacket, which I didn’t even want to be wearing! I was keeping such a low profile in the pregame and casting, wearing sweatpants all the time. It got to the point where people didn’t expect me to be a lawyer. I got off the boat, and we circled up and started giving introductions.

We spoke in the preseason about you lying about your occupation. How did that go for you?

When I tried to give that fake job, I botched it so badly. I fumbled the words. I just blurted out, “I’m a licensing manager for a manufacturing company!” And everyone goes, “You’re lying.” People are calling me a liar in the first minute of the game! Then we continued around the circle, and everyone was either working in education or getting a Master’s. Tommy’s a teacher, Jack’s in grad school, Kellee’s in grad school, Molly said she was a teacher. So there was already a soft target pointed on me from the beginning with people not believing my occupation.

Later on, Janet and I went to check treemail. We went off together, and that’s when people started saying, “Those two are off together. Easy pickings.” At treemail, I found some beautiful shells that I wanted to save for a fake idol later on. I went into the jungle to hide those shells, not to look for an idol. I was gone maybe ten or fifteen minutes, and in that time, the target was reaffirmed. It got so bad that on the first night. Seven of us were sitting on the beach. I take a seat next to them, and it just gets dead quiet. It’s silent for maybe fifteen seconds, and someone even said, “Well, this is awkward.”

I can’t imagine what that must have been like, especially on Night 1.

That was my rock bottom moment. It felt terrible. My stomach dropped and my heart stopped. I was devastated. I sat there for thirty seconds, holding in tears. Then I walked back up to the fire, and Janet and Noura were there. I told them, “I’m in serious trouble here. These people don’t like me.” It was very clear from Night 1. That’s where Noura and I got very close. I stayed up all night. By Day 2, I lost my voice; you can hear it in the confessionals. We were talking about a million different plans. Noura unreasonably kept talking about how much she hated Molly. That’s when I realized she was…interesting.

My mind was racing and I wasn’t sleeping. Noura went to bed, and I’m looking out at the ocean. I see a black cat run by. I didn’t even know there were cats on this remote island! And I thought, “This has to be a sign. What does this mean?” Rather than thinking about the game, I was trying to figure out the meaning of the black cat. I thought, “This is a sign from my wife! Get back to the ‘Shut the Heck Up’ strategy and calm down.” The second of seeing that cat gave me a break from thinking about the game and collect myself to say, “What are you going to do tomorrow? If this was your real life and you made a mistake, what would you do?” And I said, “I would apologize.”

And that gets into being able to work your way back into the tribe. What was that process like?

I woke up the next morning, took individuals aside, and apologized. I said, “I went off by myself. I didn’t do it intentionally. I’m sorry I did it. I know it made people feel uncomfortable. That’s not the type of game I wanted to play. I wanted to be sincere and people’s rock.” I was true, honest, and super vulnerable. That vulnerability opened me up and allowed people to get to know me. It made them think, “This guy made a stupid mistake at the beginning. But I kind of like him! I don’t want to vote him out. And he seems to like me too. We can vote together!” Little by little, the relationships started to build off that reestablished baseline.

Did your Survivor spirit animal lead you to the papaya tree as well?

(Laughs.) I kept thinking, “How can I bring value to the tribe?” First off, I worked my butt off. Everybody works hard in the first couple of days. But by Day 3, people are really tired. Dan, Janet, and I worked especially hard building things, trying to keep the fire going, and making sure people were fed. It was probably because we felt vulnerable for different reasons.

First, I found breadfruit out there. I was finding all sorts of things to eat. But we couldn’t find papaya. Then one day, it was raining for the second or third day in a row. We couldn’t eat because we couldn’t get a fire going and we were so hungry. Someone said, “I wish we had some papaya.” I started looking around camp; I didn’t want to go too far because I was afraid people would be afraid I was looking for idols. Then I see it. And I thought, “I’m about to make a lot of people really, really happy.”

Despite the strides you made, you go to your first Tribal Council and you talk about how much you felt in “purgatory” the first few days. You even dump out your bag to show that you don’t have an idol. When I talked with Molly, she said that you knew you were safe and this was unnecessary for you to do. What was your intention behind these actions?

First off, I wanted to close this chapter of this book. I even said that at Tribal Council after Molly said, “I’m offended.” From the first ten seconds of the game up to this point, there has been this air of potential untrustworthiness around me. I was able to have conversations and reestablish relationships with people. But to close the book, I need to slam it shut. And sometimes you need to do that by making a big statement. If anyone had brought up my untrustworthiness the next day, people could say, “What are you talking about? He just did this entire spectacle to show he’s probably the most trustworthy people out here.” I wanted to make a loud statement that this was over. This view of Jason being a sneak is done.

It was also a distraction for Molly. We didn’t think she had an idol, but we didn’t want any idols being played. So at that point, Molly, Jack, and Jamal thought the vote was going to be Noura. I wanted to play up that I still felt worried. So even if it was still Noura going, I was still worried that I was getting votes. I also wanted to show the Vokais I was playing the game with that not only am I going to be down with your plan and distract the enemies, but I’m also going to be the most gung-ho and loyal person. I’m going to be the biggest Vokai cheerleader possible. I felt I needed to do that with a loud statement.

Now, was I having fun? Yeah! The first five days out there were not fun for me. Day 1 was one of the most crushing days of my entire life. I wasn’t sleeping up until Day 5 or 6. I slept probably a total of seven hours. I was working my ass off, worried, and not having fun. I just wanted to have some fun. I can fully say after that night, my relationship with the tribe changed even more. I was able to be myself in front of people.

Speaking of those tribe connections, who were you closest with on Vokai once you had ingratiated yourself?

That’s a really good question. I was swapped with three of my four top allies. I know people are saying, “Why didn’t you flip on them?” I needed these people! These were my people! (Laughs.) I could have had a conversation with Elaine or Elizabeth. But up to that point, I spent my entire game gaining credibility as being the “stable” one. I was the one who was going to be there when they needed votes or had an emotional moment. I became a bit of the epicenter, a stable voice.

Tommy, Lauren, and Dan were absolutely part of my tightest allies. Kellee was my buddy too. Those were my top four. On a friendship level, I was closest to Tommy. We’re both from Long Island; we grew up ten minutes away from each other. It was crazy when we figured that out. We couldn’t believe that we would be on a tribe together. We understood each other on a level that a lot of people couldn’t. From a strategic level, Kellee and I had a lot of great conversations. It got to the point where we were so open, we told each other, “I’m not sitting next to you at the end.” We had this mutual understanding where we wouldn’t go after each other for a long time. She was probably my number one ally.

In your Day After video, you spoke about leaving the game with a “sense of love,” even declaring it to your former tribemates. In our talk preseason, you said that you weren’t there to make friends, and weren’t afraid to cross a line for the sake of the game. What ended up changing that mentality for you by the time you left?

The game of Survivor is subjective. You don’t get that subjectivity until you’re really out there playing. On television, it appears to be a game of strategy, backstabbing, and advantages. But when you’re out there playing, and that’s the life you’re living, it changes. The human elements of the game, what goes on between someone’s ears, is something a viewer can’t fully understand through the screen.

I walked into the game saying, “I’m going to be a great strategist. I’m going to cut everyone’s throat.” Then Day 1 happened, and I was emotionally destroyed. It got to a point where the game changed for me. It became about something different. Sure, I wanted to strategize and cut people’s throats. But I very quickly realized that human relationships and connections were more important than strategy. That was something I started to focus on primarily, with strategy secondary. I could do all the strategizing in the world. But playing from the bottom is about connections.

I probably could have made better connections with the Lairos on the new Vokai; that’s one of the reasons why they selected me. But I made connections with all the Vokais, even if I wasn’t strategically aligned with them. I wasn’t aligned with Jamal, but we became great friends out there and had lots of good conversations. The human element takes over when you’re playing the game, and that really affected me. I think I’ve already brought it into my everyday life. I’m an empathetic person, and I’m already pretty open about everything. I realized I could bring things from my real life that I already had to show people who I truly am.