A Poem About Your University’s Brand New Institute

The Office of the Provost has approved

A one-year planning grant

To establish the Eudaimonia Institute

For the Study of Human Flourishing

Under Capitalism.

We thought that we would do this while

You professors

Are away for the summer

So maybe you won’t notice.

“Eudaimonia” is Greek for “This university

Is run by corporate stooges

And is doomed.”

The term comes from Aristotle,

Which immediately legitimates the Institute

As totally not a joke.

We will be spending actual, real,

Non-Monopoly money to study “wellbeing,”

Which was a major interest of Aristotle’s

And central to his seminal work The Poetics.

The nature of #wellbeing is

Not yet fully understood,

But our initial research suggests

That it has something to do with

Yoga at sunset, baby koalas, and

Rooms filled with gold coins.

We seek to understand

The meaning of this term

And, in all likelihood,

To actually publish papers

On the subject

On our blog called

Education is Fine,

But Money Is Great.

James Smith, the Presidential Chair

In Business Ethics,

(Yes really)

Will serve as

Executive Director of the Institute

And will continue to serve

As Executive Director of

The university’s Named After A Bank Center

For the Study of Capitalism,

(Stop laughing)

Where students do not read

Whole, complete ancient Greek texts

But only the most important words from them.

The Institute will also bring together

Professionals from across the university

Who believe that capitalism contributes

Meaningfully to a humane and just society.

Which it does.

It says so right there on the website

Of our Named After A Bank Center

For the Study of Capitalism.

Smith is an obvious choice for this exciting role

As he knows a lot about capitalism

And participates in it regularly.

Please direct any questions you may have

About capitalism or wellbeing –

Including questions about the

Raise of $257 per month that

You received with tenure –

To him, and he will respond

When he returns from Vail.

He will be paid a salary commensurate with

Human Flourishing,

And you will continue to receive

Annual letters from your dean and provost

Reminding you that you are valued

And appreciated

And lucky to get any raise at all

In the current financial climate,

Particularly as the university generously

Offers you benefits, too.

Thank you, and we wish you

All the best from

The Institute for the Willful Misreading

Of Aristotle.