KANDAHAR — An ISIS infantry platoon is still waiting for the IED Team to show up after calling them more than seven hours ago, sources confirmed today.

“These fucking guys take forever,” said Omar Rashid, a fire team leader. “I’m sweating my balls off out here.”

According to sources, the platoon had been patrolling throughout the area before it came across what the squad leader believed would be a perfect spot for an improvised explosive device. After observing the location and vehicular traffic around it, he radioed back to his base to request IED support.

“Be advised, IED will be there in about one hour,” an operator at the ISIS Combat Operations Center told the radio operator then, as well as nine other times in the past seven hours.

“They’ve told me it’s going to be about an hour for the last seven fucking hours,” said Mohammed Hariri. “Now the assholes on CoC-watch aren’t even responding.”

“Pogues,” he added.

At press time, the IED team was wrapping up at another location and should be there at the ISIS platoon’s position within the next 10 to 15 minutes but no later than 45 minutes to an hour-and-a-half.