Have you ever been into a girl, and she say’s something along the lines of, “You’re nice. But let’s just be friends?”

It’s happened to us all.

Once I had a student who asked me for advice about this. I told him to say, “I have enough friends. I want to be closer to you.”

He didn’t believe me. And he was friend-zoned

A few months later, he met a hot spanish girl. The same situation arose. This time he did what I told him and gave her the ultimatum: Date him, or move on. Well, they got together. She considered not having him in his life, or hooking up with him. She chose well.

I have many female friends. And having friends is fantastic. This article is for you men who wish only to be said girl’s lover, and nothing more. If you will be truly happy, and not secretly yearning for her romantic interest, then be her friend. If not, follow this guide.

Have Boundaries

Women respect men with boundaries, and clearly defined relationship goals. You have to know what you want, because she’s not going to teach you how to seduce her. She doesn’t know how. All she knows is what she feels, and a guy who is willing to walk away, to lose her forever, is a man who knows what he wants.

Be The Leader

Women need to be lead. You must be the guy that defines the structure of your relationship. Once she takes and holds the lead, gives the orders and ultimatums, you can kiss your seduction goodbye.

Does this mean you can’t be friends with women? Not at all. But if you want to sleep with her, or be in a romantic relationship, then being friend-zoned is the absolute worst thing that could happen. Digging yourself out of that trap is nearly impossible.

So never let yourself be friend-zoned with a woman you’re attracted to. Just say, “No thanks.”

Many men think that by befriending the hot girl, she will eventually succumb to their charms. And while this happens sometimes, it’s very rare.

Use Social Proof and Pre-Selection

If you’re in the friend-zone already, the best way to escape it, is to let her see you dating, or attracting, other attractive women.

Go to a party and approach a few women. Get a phone number in front of her. Make her jealous. Date other women. Post a picture of you and a few pretty girls on Facebook. And when she starts to talk about these girls, usually in the form of some tease, or passive aggressive insult towards them, or yourself, say, “So you’re a little jealous huh? Well, you had your chance.”

Don’t be mean, or strict in this regard. Just playfully tease her about it.

This is why it’s critical to learn game, and have an understanding of female attraction mechanisms.

A man who is willing and able to walk away, shows that he has options. No one girl will absorb his time with friendship, without paying for that time with sex, affection, or at least a really good time.

If you’re friends with a girl without the sex, then she has to play some role in your life. She has to help you with your problems, or act as your wing girl and make you look good to other women, or take you to parties, or do something other than just be attractive in your presence.

Don’t Be The Beta

Beta male orbiters are the butt of the mens’ communities jokes. These guys drive their crush everywhere, they provide emotional support when she gets dumped, buy her trips and vacations, clothes, jewellery, and dish out free cuddles when she’s grumpy.

They put up with low character behaviour, like when she’s whining about petty things. They tell her everything will be alright, and act as an emotional tampon. And what do they get in return? Her friendship?

If she wants to act like your girlfriend, but without the sex, then you are still friend-zoned. Do not allow this to happen.

I’m a pretty introverted guy. I like to be alone. I have women in my life, girls who I see and sleep with, but I have very few close female friends. Not that I don’t have the option. It’s just that, most of them don’t stimulate me intellectually, not enough to give them my valuable time. Sure I’ll go for coffee sometimes, or to a party, but I have a much more interesting time when I hang out with men. We can do man things. With women I like to do, “with women,” things. I talk about different things with women, I interact with them differently than I do with men, and it’s not that it’s better or worse. It’s just different. I prefer to be with women romantically.

I like to sleep with women. I like to be healed by women. I like to share my passion and energy with women. But I don’t like to be just friends with women. Not many. I can’t stand sexual tension, and if sexual tension remains unresolved, it can turn to frustration, and lead to a negative experience. This happens when either she likes you more than you like her, or vice versa.

I’ve got a long list of women I said, “Thanks but not thanks,” to, in regards to the friend zone. But I also have a long list of beautiful lovers who when given the choice, decided to try dating me.

This lifestyle can be lonely, but I’d rather be honest and lonely, than lying and frustrated.

Have standards for yourself. Have dignity. Know what you want from a girl, and draw your line in the sand.

Or be friends.

If you like game theory, and novels, pick up my acclaimed novel, “A Thousand Tiny Failures,” that many have called, “Better than The Game.” It’s available on Kindle and Paperback.