This weekend, millions of BTS fans likely experienced what's often called "post-concert depression," that comedown after the euphoria of seeing the band they love live. But in this case, there was no real-life concert. Instead, the sadness came after the end of Bang Bang Con, a two-day event with old concert footage that spanned BTS’s seven-year career.

Starting Friday, April 17, at 11 p.m. EST, fans around the world tuned in to the BangtanTV YouTube channel and Big Hit Entertainment's Weverse app to stream Bang Bang Con, which was comprised of past concert films from their Red Bullet, HYYH, Wings, and Love Yourself tours, plus their third and fourth "muster" celebrations. For 23 hours, 12 minutes, and 52 seconds (split into two 12-hour chunks), ARMYs could witness the evolution of BTS — and they turned out in droves. Per a Big Hit press release via Rolling Stone India, 50.59 million people watched the stream; at its peak, 2.24 million people were watching at the same time.

Among those millions? Me, and several group chats of friends who stayed up all night two nights in a row (with varying degrees of success) to enjoy a concert experience together even when we're all apart. As the texts flew, we laughed and cried and lovingly cringed at old stage costumes — and despite the many Zoom gatherings I have attended thus far while social distancing, this was the moment that came closest to something I would have done in normal circumstances. Fandom, which thrives in online spaces, is as much a comfort and social outlet to me now as it was before the coronavirus pandemic changed the way we live.

The timing of the concert weekend was surreal. In an alternate universe, this Friday I'd be flying from New York City to Santa Clara, California to experience the first two nights of the North American Map of the Soul tour. Those dates were postponed back in March, when it became clear that fighting COVID-19 meant a long road of distancing and shelter-in-place.

Instead of 68,000 people at Levi's Stadium, I watched with millions on social media. And then I watched with nine people, in small chats and shared gifs. Together, we looked on as RM, Jin, Suga, J-Hope, Jimin, V, and Jungkook grew up on stage. We screamed over "War of Hormone," and we murmured the fanchants, and we cried as BTS themselves cried at the end of Wings Tour: The Final.

Over the course of my BTS fandom journey, I've seen BTS live in small doses, but never for a full show. Clearly, I'm missing out — even watching on my laptop screen, it's easy to see how much BTS thrives in live settings. BTS can make a massive stadium feel intimate, and then massive again: a whole world to live inside as one part of many, and then something personal. A solar system of glowing light sticks, and a small star you can clutch in the palm of your hand.

The final Bang Bang Con stream was 2018's Love Yourself date in Seoul. I watched on a slow Sunday morning, just after a socially-distanced walk around the mostly empty 20-block radius of my apartment in New York. At the end of the concert, 2018 Jimin said, "I think today will be the most memorable day for me this year."

Right now, it can feel like the days all blur together in one panic-inducing wave. We oscillate from boredom to fear to grief to action and back around. It feels like now is not the time for making memories we'll actually want to remember.

After the BTS concerts were over and the group chat had died down, I felt the crash. But the comedown was proof of the euphoria. As the winter of 2020 has turned to spring, happy memories seem scarce. I'm glad to have this one.

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Want more from Teen Vogue? Check this out: BTS Announces Bang Bang Con, a Huge Concert Streaming Marathon