How I Used Tinder To Get Over A Breakup

The tool that drastically improved my healing process

What do you do after a breakup?

Some people say to cry for three days in bed. Others say to eat mint chocolate chip ice cream. A common one is to spend more time with your friends.

Anybody who’s been in a relationship that has ended knows that there aren’t a series of direct steps you can do to get over someone.

I was stuck in the headspace of a fresh breakup and instantly missed my ex. In those moments, all I wanted to do was to forgive everything and just work it out. I didn’t care about why we were incompatible and that there were better people out there for me — I just wanted to be with her.

And this is the story of how I got over it.

I got over my ex by using tinder.

And yes, it is as unhealthy as it sounds. It might have not been the best for my emotional well-being. But it worked.

The decision to use tinder

I had previously read and heard stories of people who still haven’t gotten over their ex after years.

One thing in common that I’ve noticed in these stories is that these people don’t make an effort in dating again. They’re still stuck in the mindset that their ex is the perfect one for them. Even if they’re not, a part of them still holds onto their ex.

I didn’t want that to be me.

I don’t know if I’m right, but I hypothesised that the reason this occurs is because they’re exposed to a low volume of other people.

I believed that if I met enough other people, I’d eventually see good qualities in them that my ex didn’t have and that I’d learn to appreciate other people.

And that’s why I used tinder.

Tinder gave me access to a high volume of women. It presented me a significant amount of dating options with a low amount of effort. Of course, this has it’s own detriments.

But this article isn’t about that.

Working at my own pace

I still remember laying in bed — depressed and jaded. If I wasn’t forced to, I didn’t want to get out of bed. I couldn’t do any work properly. I stayed in my pyjamas for as long as I could.

If I didn’t have tinder, I have no idea how I would have started dating again. It would just be too hard. I’d have to organise a time to go out with my friends, decide what outfit to wear, put on said outfit, somehow find the motivation to leave the house and then meet a new person in real life. With my declining social skills from depression, that seemed like an impossible feat.

I could barely get myself to eat.

But with tinder, all I had to do was swipe. I didn’t even have to leave my bed. I I was given the gift to work at my own pace. I was able to message people when I wanted to and if it ever become too much, I could stop the interaction and take a break.

If I had to interact with someone in real life and left the interaction because I was feeling overwhelmed, they might think that I’m not interested in them or that I’m socially awkward.

But if I took a break from the interaction on tinder, I could pretend I was busy.

Nobody had to know I was secretly crying in my bed wishing I could be loved again.

The women who healed me

I don’t know what other people have experienced on tinder, but I guess I could consider myself lucky.

Tinder is usually perceived as a hook-up app and, with that connotation, it doesn’t appear as if meaningful relationships can be found.

Although that was sometimes the case, there were other times where my conversations did go further than small talk.

You know how sometimes you’re texting someone and it starts with small talk but one topic leads to another? And all of a sudden you realise you just shared a vulnerable part of yourself with the person you’re conversing with for the first time?

Well, that happened to me. More than a few times. Maybe I’m just good at steering conversations into deeper, more personal topics. I don’t think I am. I probably got lucky.

In fact, I even told a few girls that I was still getting over someone. Of course, vulnerability forces you to pay a price and some girls were immediately turned off and stopped talking to me.

Luckily, there were some girls who were understanding and caring.

There were even girls who agreed to let me use them to get over my ex.

I don’t even know how the conversation ever steered in that direction or why anyone would care about another stranger enough to completely provide them with the emotional support they needed. But I’m extremely grateful for it.

Moving on

Tinder let me see that there were other caring people in the world — on tinder, of all places. It showed me that there were people with other qualities that I valued which my ex didn’t have and, that it was possible to enjoy the company of someone else.

I have no idea how I was even able to have a vulnerable conversation with a stranger I met online. But I did — multiple times. And it was amazing.

I noticed after a while that I was completely absorbed in learning about the person on the other side of the phone. I noticed that I hadn’t been thinking about getting over my ex, that my mind was completely off her and that I could finally be present with a new person.

Without tinder, I might’ve taken longer to get over my breakup. Maybe I would still be obsessed with my ex. I don’t know.

I’m not saying tinder is a magical solution to getting over a breakup. I should probably not romanticise as much as I did in this article. I mean, there are definitely issues with using tinder and that’s why I don’t use it anymore — but that’s a story for another time.

Nevertheless, I’ll always be grateful for the experiences I had on that app.