The illustrations are originals by @Paulcarlonillustration on Instagram.

You don’t recognise me, do you?

You haven’t really had a good look at my face. I understand.

It wouldn’t matter anyway, we’ve never met before.

And yet, you seem to think I’m here because of you.

You seem to have assumed we’ve crossed paths before. You offended me in some way, a slight that I haven’t forgotten. A grudge I’ve been baring for years.

I knew you’d be on this flight. I looked it up, surprisingly easy information to find nowadays. Seat 23B, centre row, second from the right. I knew you’d be there so I enacted my long brewing plan.

I went off and had a family, waiting until they were just the right age to be just the right height. Finally, my boy’s limbs were a perfect match and my dastardly plan was ready.

Tickets bought, seats reserved. The whole centre row, two parents, two kids under 5, directly behind you. The trap was set.

It’s personal. There’s no escape now. You have the next 10 hours to endure my slow deliberate torture.

This child I have spawned for one purpose, and one purpose only, to irregularly but repeatedly kick the back of your seat!

Mwah ha ha ha!!! Revenge is mine nameless woman I don’t know in seat 23B, all MINE!! Mwah Ha Ha!

Or at least that’s how you seem to think this scenario has played out. The repeated half turns, the glares at a 4 year old, the loud ha-rumphing.

It’s never crossed your mind that we are simply a family travelling across the world to visit grandparents for the holidays. That we’ve all got to sit somewhere and, unfortunately for all of us, you got stuck in front of the young family! Woe is you.

I doubt it’s occurred to you, during your three movies and 2 hour nap (I was counting), that the kids haven’t slept a wink. They are restless and excited, which means movies and sleep are a pipe dream for my wife and I.

I’d also like to make something very clear.

They are NOT kicking your seat.

Yes, there may have been contact with a stray light-up trainer every now and again but there has been no concerted campaign of rear seat riverdance.

Nor, I might had, any screaming, or squealing, or wailing, or repeated tray up/tray down slamming. To my shame, they’ve been almost entirely engrossed in the iPad since we took off!

You haven’t noticed any of this though because you took one look at your seat selection and swore. You had it in your mind that we’d be trouble from the beginning.

I’m not asking for much.

I mean offering to walk with the baby to give us a break would be a nice gesture. We’d decline but it would be sweet.

Maybe just looking over the back of your chair and giving them 5 mins of amusement? Although I appreciate entertaining kids isn’t on your radar at the moment.

You COULD resist from fully reclining your chair. It makes it fairly cramped back here, increasing the chances of a chair kick. That would be semi considerate but I suppose recliner seats are what you paid the big bucks of economy for.

I understand that’s probably asking too much. I really do, I don’t expect any of it.

But maybe lay off the glares?

Is that Okay?

They aren’t really achieving anything. Are you seriously trying to intimidate a 4 year old?

Poor kid, everytime his foot goes somewhere near your seat we’re jumping on him.

He’s tired, we’re tired, you’re tired.

Let’s just knuckle down and get through this flight together.

Yours sincerely,

MadDadSkillz

#SorryNotSorry

The illustrations are originals by @Paulcarlonillustration on Instagram.

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