Ravi Shastri Cliches: How well versed are you?

Ravishankar Jayadritha Shastri, undoubtedly the finest commentator India has ever produced, has earned quite a name for his pearls of wisdom on air. Abhishek Mukherjee, Nishad Pai Vaidya and Abhijit Banare set a challenge to the readers to let them test their loyalty towards the legend.

Ravi Shastri, the Voice of Cricket, has continued to mesmerise the audience with his baritone, pronunciations, and well-chosen words that have been classified as clichés by the ignorant. They are jealous, of course: the citizens of cricket have always pounced on the remote control to raise the volume of the television when the Legend of the Microphone has a go.

But how well do you, the audience, know Ravi Shastri? How big a Ravi Shastri fan are you? Do take the RJS quiz and find out. If you get a question right, do note down your score. Once you are done, scroll down to the bottom to know how good you are.

Q1: Why is there a hole in a wall at Ravi Shastri’s place?

A: Because he threw the kitchen sink away.

Q2: Why did Ravi Shastri want to take up nursing as a course?

A: Because he wanted to do just what the doctor ordered.

Q3: Why did Ravi Shastri not want to become a captain?

A: Because he wanted a coin where all three results are possible.

Q4: Why did Ravi Shastri want to become an electrician?

A: Because he wanted everything to ultimately go down to the wire.

Q5: What did Ravi Shastri announce at a beauty contest of insects?

A: “In the end, cricket was the winner.”

Q6: Where does Ravi Shastri hang his clothes?

A: From a cliff-hanger.

Q7: What is Ravi Shastri’s favourite utensil?

A: Obvious, given his life is full of pressure-cooker situations.

Q8: Where does Ravi Shastri get his fish from?

A: Outside the off-stump.

Q9: Why does Ravi Shastri always forgive a newbie who irons his clothes?

A: Because he is new to the crease and needs to get his eye in.

Q10: What does Ravi Shastri utter when he sees an old man die?

A: Aged… (pause)… and taken!

Q11: Why does Ravi Shastri buy matchsticks by the kilo?

A: Because that way the match is always in the balance.

Q12: Why did Ravi Shastri not learn the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 9… at school?

A: Because when he tried learning, someone always pulled the odd one back.

Q13: Why does Ravi Shastri like putting up fences?

A: Because he deals in boundaries.

Q14: Why is Ravi Shastri easily satisfied?

A: Because he couldn’t have asked for anything better.

Q15: Why does Ravi Shastri endorse blenders?

A: Because he loves mixing it up nicely.

Q16: What movie connects Jack Nicholson, Diane Keaton, and Ravi Shastri?

A: Something’s Gotta Give.

Q17: Why was Ravi Shastri always in demand when they made tug-of-war teams?

A: Because he pulled, and pulled hard.

Q18: What did Ravi Shastri say when he first met Arnold Schwarzenegger?

A: “He’s got good arms.”

Q19: Why can Ravi Shastri never drive fast?

A: Because it’s always jam-packed out there.

Q20: Why wasn’t Ravi Shastri suprised when Sachin Tendulkar announced his retirement?

A: Because he saw that coming.

Q21: Why does Ravi Shastri not drink beer with vampires?

A: Because he prefers situations with no mug with the bat.

Q22: What did Ravi Shastri say when he first met a giraffe?

A: “He makes good use of his height.”

Q23: What did Ravi Shastri say when Jack Hobbs’ rib broke during a match?

A: It was a cracker-jack of a game.

Q24: Why did Ravi Shastri say when the spaceship took off?

A: It’s up in the air…

Q25: What did Ravi Shastri say to the broke real estate agent?

A: That he was losing the plot thick and fast.

Q26: Why did Ravi Shastri always score a full 100% in his exams?

A: Because he never believed in half-measures.

Q27: When did Ravi Shastri fall in love with the female astronomer?

A: When he saw her finger had gone up!

RJS Scores:

0 — 8: You’re terrible. You are probably one of those heathens who have been brought up on lesser mortals like Alan McGilvray, Brian Johnston, John Arlott, or Richie Benaud. To improve your RJS score, go to a nearby park and yell “Can you hear me, Mumbai?” fifty times at the top of your voice, ignoring the others. If you’re not comfortable with Mumbai, pick the city of your choice.

Note: This works best with Kolkata, which you should pronounce as Kolkota for maximum effect.

9 — 17: You’re decent, but far from perfection. You’re easily fooled by the likes of Mark Taylor, Michael Holding, or Harsha Bhogle, who think knowledge or sense of humour are the key factors. To improve your RJS score, start talking to people, and deprive yourself of food for a whole day for any witty comment or impressive display of knowledge you make.

18 — 26: You’re almost there; all you need is to do is strip yourself of the humility you possess. For every situation you get a chance to display your arrogance and still cannot make it, you need to force yourself to listen to Rameez Raja on air for an hour.

27: Hello, Mr Shastri. Thank you for visiting our site.

Here is bonus consolation question, in case you have not been able to get a single one:

What is Ravi Shastri’s favourite ammunition?

(Abhishek Mukherjee is the Deputy Editor and Cricket Historian at CricketCountry. He blogs at http://ovshake.blogspot.in and can be followed on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/ovshake42)

(Abhijit Banare is a reporter at CricketCountry. He is an avid quizzer and loves to analyse and dig out interesting facts which allows him to learn something new every day. Apart from cricket he also likes to keep a sharp eye on Indian politics, and can be followed on Twitter and blog)

(Nishad Pai Vaidya is a Correspondent with CricketCountry and anchor for the site’s YouTube Channel. His Twitter handle is @nishad_44)