

Here's the whole thing.





- Married for 10 years. 5 of which we both worked, the last 5 years the kids

were born. Mom has been at-home ever since.

- started having real bad marital problems 2 yrs, ago. we tried therapy together,

books, you name it...

-about 1 year ago, we started to build our "dream home" Foolishly, thought

this would help us re-unite...

Note: we both purchased our first apartment together. paid it off. gave

a downpayment for a big house. huge mortage. House prices went to the roof.

sold the house. paid of mortgage, still got some money left to build a house.

Currently renting a nice, yet very small house.





- 2 months ago, caught my wife having an emotional affair with the architect.

Yeah, the same guy that is building our "dream home". So I confronted her.

She denied it first. But when I said I had seen the evidence, she accepted it.

At that point, I said we could fix things, I said I forgave her, but she should immediately

stop all contact with the guy. She said yes, and we promised that we would work on saving our marriage.





- Fast forward to the present. To summarize, it turns out she did not

stop email contact. Emotional affair now blown into adulterous affair.



-She does not know I know. But I know. A mutual friend, kinda of spilled it

out...I have installed software to monitor. Yes. all true. very intimate

and loving emails...she's saying he is the love of her life, bla bla bla.

She'd marry him any minute if both of them were not married...[sic]





So here's the sticky point. Remember, she does not know I know.

In theory, we're working on our marriage, right? so I got an appointment

with a marriage therapist. We're going there together tommorrow. She

keeps saying she does not want to divorce, that she wants to fight for it.



BUT, in her emails, to the architect-lover, she is saying she will divorce.

No doubt about it. She will wait until the house is finished "for obvious reasons"-quoting her.

My parents lent us around 100K to continue building. I promised my dad I would repay.





So now, she is planning to divorce me, and to get the house when it is finished.

She's mentioned that shes gonna get a good lawyer...(is she a witch, or what?)



ANYWAYS:



here are my choices. This is what I need advice on:



a) Counter-act. without her knowing, rent a place, move out. Basically

tell her: You finish the house. you pay for it. see if you can make it. (I know

she wont have the money). She *might* have to sell it as-it-is, hoping

that someone else will finish it. Sue her for divorce.

I am already renting a house right now, so the kids are not left homeless or anything.





b) continue to play dumb-ass...finish the house. then she'll want to divorce,

and we fight for the house to be sold and split in court. risky. If I succed,

I use that money to buy a house for the kids. I just feel like even after

the whole cheating thing, she wants to rip me off with the house, for which

we both worked for it, and even me much more, and then I am stuck with

a debt to my father! Does she care about that? dont think so.



Life sucks.

How to deal with a cheating wife? very sad story....