firsttimemummy94 Fri 27-Oct-17 18:16:23

Hi everyone. I'm new here so I'm sorry if I get some stuff wrong or if this is in the wrong category.



I'm 23 years old and found out that I was pregnant 3 months ago. 4 years ago I suffered a stillbirth which meant that my pregnancy was high risk this time. They basically told me to take it easy and that I needed to have more scans than what I'd usually have to on the NHS.



I've been with my 31 year old partner for just over 3 years. Our relationship started out really rocky because he was only interested in friends with benefits. In all honesty he was really immature and I was hurt a lot in the beginning by him. He still lived at home and I helped him to get out of that and find a full time job. I've really done my best to help this guy in everything.



The rewards did however come back to me because after all of that he's been a wonderful partner. I know he will be an amazing daddy, or so I thought until today as I began realising something was off.



He had been complaining for a long time that he hated his old job and I agreed that he had reason to hate it because he was working 14 hour shifts with no breaks and no overtime pay. It was barely much better than slave labour in all honesty.

I said that I'd help him out by seeing if I could find him a new job. I'm a recruiter (Or I was, I've had to go on a very early maternity leave due to the fact I'm high risk) and I managed to find him a better job on much higher pay.



He had to give notice of a month with his old job and this week (Monday) was his first day at the new job.





He came home telling me that he loved it and really appreciated that I'd got it for him. He then said something that began to get my thoughts ticking, he said most of his coworkers were 18-19 year old girls. At first I shrugged this off, I didn't really care, it was just an odd thing for him to say.



On Wednesday he came home and I asked him over dinner if he had made any friends and his response was "I sometimes hang around with the teenage girls just for something to do really. Their immaturity is funny." I found this totally out of order and creepy because I don't think a 31 year old taken man who is soon to be a dad should be hanging around with kids. I expressed that I didn't like the situation and he basically just told me he was doing nothing wrong to me. I couldn't really argue with that. The thing that worried me the most is the fact that I personally was no more than a teenage girl when he got with me and now I look back, and am having my own little girl I realise how wrong it could've been seen as. At the time my parents weren't very happy about it and I didn't understand why.



Anyway, I guess today was the final straw and the reason I'm here. I'd been meaning to sign up for a mumsnet account anyway but it was something I never got round to doing until now as I really need the support.



I was booked in for a check up scan today, we found out through a CVS that we were having a little girl so it's not like this scan would've held any big news for us. My partner said he couldn't make the scan because he had completely forgotten about it and he needed to let work know in advance. That was fine, I didn't honestly think much of that because he is super forgetful as a person and my mum was going with me anyway as she's not attended a scan yet.



I figured that perhaps he would text me to see how it had gone. In fact, there was no doubt in my mind that he would text me or call me. He gets 3 breaks a day in his current job and it's an office based job, there's no excuse for him to not contact me.



You can probably guess what I'm going to say but he didn't text or call me at all to see how the scan went. I know the times he has his breaks so I was pretty annoyed but then I logged into facebook to upload a photo of our scan and I saw that he had been active something like 10 minutes previously as he had commented on a post his brother in law had put up about the football. His brother in law had put something like "Shouldn't you be working? ;) " and his response was "Half hour break, just chilling."





My blood was boiling at this stage and I was also incredibly confused because this isn't like him at all. I kept checking and checking to see if he had texted or called and I'd just missed it, he hadn't. In the past when he was in his other job (Which was MUCH more intense and required more of his attention at time) He never stopped texting or calling me to the point it was pretty annoying, but at least I knew he cared.



In a hormone fuelled rage I did the most childish thing ever and wrote a status on facebook saying "It'd be nice for some people to drop me a text every so often to ask me how I am but never mind." - 2 hours later he was yet again browsing Facebook on his final break, evidently saw my post and THEN decided to ask if I was ok. I'm 100% positive he only texted me because he saw my status.



I sent him a copy of the scan photo and added to it "Thanks for taking the time to ask earlier." His response was literally just "Aww, looking nice and healthy." He totally ignored what I said about him not asking sooner.



This is the first day that he has ever done anything as inconsiderate and hurtful as this, I can't believe it. It's now 6pm and he finished work at 5pm but he isn't going to be home until 11pm because he was going to see a football match with his brother in law and dad. Thankfully I'll be in bed by the time he gets home so I won't be able to punch his face in because I'm so fucking angry.



On Thursday I did call him whilst he was on his lunch break but he didn't seem as though he really wanted to talk. I kinda felt embarrassed that I'd called him because he was super quiet and didn't seem to want to make much conversation. I could hear people in the background talking.





I've no idea what to do. I feel so low. My hormones aren't helping at all but he really does seem to have changed. All of my friends are claiming that I'm probably just being paranoid but what excuse does a man have for not asking about his partner and baby? It isn't like he was busy...



Please talk to me and offer me advice, I feel so shit :-( I can't believe how much he has changed in the space of just a week and it's such a kick in the teeth when I got him this job!