For those of us in the more traditional side of Western Christianity, we have reached roughly the halfway mark of Lent. As an Episcopalian and self-proclaimed amateur theologian, I could not maintain a blog without at least one post about this season of the liturgical calendar. Since I first observed Lent back in 2013, I have taken this time very seriously, and always spent time preparing myself for Lent, which is a time where we prepare ourselves for Easter. For those of you who know Lent is about preparing for Easter (if not you do know, fun fact), yes, I prepare myself for preparing. I always spend time, prayer, and meditation about what I should sacrifice for Lent. Often, these things I need to give up come to me because of some kind of situation or spiritual happening in my life. This year, however, I greatly struggled coming up with something to give up for Lent, as it really seemed, I think it part due to hormones helping me have a more positive outlook on life, that there was really nothing I was struggling with this year. I knew that was a lie, and that there was something I needed to give up, and I found it, pretty much at the last minute, the morning of Ash Wednesday (If you want to get super technical, I was late by about six hours, but I was asleep or getting ready for work for the first six of them until my idea came to me as I was about to leave for work.) I do not normally tell other people what I am giving up for Lent as I see it as private, however, I will share for the purposes of this blog. I am giving up unnecessary spending. In other words, until Easter, with the exception of Sundays, because they’re always feast days, I will not be purchasing anything unless it is groceries, gas, medical expenses, bills, or anything I need to live and work, not even eating out. So far, it is has been challenging, especially after long days when I get home and do not want to cook or a friend shares something cute she found on Amazon. However, what I am finding is that this is teaching me two a very important lesson on needs and self-control. I do not need to eat out because I have food at home, I do not need another shirt because I already have plenty. It is helping me learn the difference between need and luxury, showing me how much extra stuff I do and have that I do not need, use, or wear. It is also teaching me about self-control, learning my impulses and just how strong, and also weak they are and that is okay to not give in to an impulse, I will be fine. To be honest, I feel like this self-discovery that is almost cliche, especially in our society which both revolves around consumerism and yet is also obsessed with personal self-improvement. However, in the last few days, I have discovered a deeper level of this lent fast that I have taken that is going beyond the more basic levels of human psychology and needs. It is part of why I have gotten back into writing this blog and trying to do more. I have realized that I have lost the way of my calling and that while transitioning is ultimately about my own needs and alleviating my dysphoria, I have forgotten the opportunity and voice that God has given me through it. While this new world of womanhood is exciting and full of wonders, I must also not forget my fellow transgender and other LGBQ Christians, other Christians. I called this blog two worlds for a reason, I forgot that reason. Lent, in all of its reputation, has allowed me to remember that reason. For that, I am grateful, and it, not something I take lightly. That is why I pay so much attention and put so much energy into lent, this is not the first time that this has happened in my life. I do not enjoy lent, it’s long and difficult. It’s by far not my favorite season of the church calendar, but I have been taught and continue to be taught the importance of it. The remainder of this Lenten season, I encourage you to focus on what God is teaching you in preparation for Easter when we get to be celebratory and say the a-word.