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Did I always eat vegan? No. Did I like eating vegan? No. How did I end up eating vegan food? Ah ha! That’s the question I think people want to ask me but always say something offensive instead. Maybe they don’t want the truth for fear it will change them. Whatever the case, I’m going to answer it now. There are several reasons why I ended up on this road to veganism. For it all to make sense, I have to start from the beginning.

I didn’t know I was going toward this road during the beginning of my journey. I wasn’t even aware when I was standing in the middle of its guts. I certainly wouldn’t have known that I was destined to be fully submerged into it. I was a thrill eater. I took after my father in that department. The two of us made it a challenge to try anything and everything the culinary world had to offer. The man was an eating machine. He’s been to exotic places and eaten exotic cuisine. The kinds of things include tarantula, goat brain, and straight from the sea and the diver’s hand to your face seafood. He’s felt animals jostle beneath his table while he ate them. He’s felt them wriggle in his mouth as he chewed. He was my role model, and I wanted to be that. I’ve hunted, killed, skinned, gutted, cooked, and ate many once living creatures. It was a status symbol. People who found out or witnessed me doing these things were bright-eyed and awestruck. I was a star in their eyes.

I wouldn’t have known any other way if it wasn’t for a sudden bout of hives and a whole-body itching session after dinning out at a restaurant one night. It lasted for weeks, and I thought, CRAP! I’m allergic to something. The doctors didn’t know what was up. We did tests and tests. Found nothing. Trial and error made me realize that I am sensitive to a lot of foods. More tests found hypothyroidism. Lifestyle and food are definitely factors in the onset of this disorder and possibly resulting in food sensitiveness, though not proven for sure. Whatever the case, that’s the only likely explanation. I was devastated. Food sensitive. Why would this happen to me? Everything made me sick. Eating became a nightmare. I didn’t know what to eat.

For a long time, with no help from the doctors, I just got by the best I could. I tried to maintain my same lifestyle. Isn’t that the way it should be? Don’t let one curve ball ruin my life goals, right? So, I kept on moving as usual. I kept on moving even though I felt bad every day from eating. I kept on trucking even when I ended up in the ER. I kept on rolling even when I felt some weird phenomenon cleaning a fish for my mom one day. I felt the pain of the fish as I gutted it. It was upsetting. What was happening to me?

The moral of this story is that, conscience caught up with me. Why me and not my dad or any other meat-loving family members? I do not know. I probably will never know. I’m okay with that. I reflect back now and realize, it had been there all along. I wanted to follow in my father’s footsteps. I wanted to be the limelight in people’s eyes. I wasn’t being true to myself. We all end up as products of our raising. We want to fit in and be liked. We end up doing what is necessary, consciously or unconsciously, to fulfill that need for affection. That’s what happened to me. It took health issues to make me take a good look at myself. I didn’t like what I saw. I saw a crazy butcher and blood-thirsty zombie running on command. Even to the last end, I tried to please others by eating whatever animal left on the menu that I wasn’t sensitive to.

But, it just isn’t me. I’m not a killer and eater of other beings’ flesh. I have spent more time rescuing, rehabilitating, loving, and cuddling animals of all kinds. That’s where my true heart is. I’m the person who shakes off her phobia of worms to rescue a newborn squirrel lying in the middle of a field next to her dead sibling. I’m the girl who allows strange dogs to jump into my car from out of nowhere and takes them home for food and shelter. I’m the woman who always wants to release animals caged up in any kind of tank or cage but too afraid to get arrested and thrown in jail. I’m no activist, but I am a lover of animals.

I had enough of living a double life. Someone once told me that no one can know true compassion until they are vegan. What a hard hit reality. So, I looked myself in the eyes and asked, Why am I forcing myself to eat things I don’t want to eat? Why can’t I eat what I want? Why can’t others like me for who I am and not who they want me to be? These were the questions that broke me up inside. I’d finally had it. I didn’t care if I lost all my friends. I didn’t think for a second about being ostracized from my family. If my husband wanted to leave me, so be it. I’d rather have full compassion in my life.

Once I made this revelation, everything was good. It has been a long process to get to vegan. Sometimes, it was downright tiring and frustrating. Even now, it can be daunting. I’m also eating gluten-free, so it’s a double whammy. In this world of wheat flour base, cow milk everything, and meat as the holy protein source, one can go crazy trying to fit in. What got me through the sticky web was a supportive life partner, mother’s love, encouraging sisters, Whole Foods Market, increased societal consciousness about food sensitivity, and a surprising rise in vegan and gluten-free recipes and foods all around. I’ve had fun moments. Lots of them. The most entertaining is when my husband and I discover a most decadent, can’t-live-without, food item that is vegan and gluten-free. We become little giggling children sugar high on Halloween candy.

It’s been an amazing journey. I see everything in a different light now. I stopped forcing myself to laugh at jokes at my expense. I don’t allow criticism on my part from people who are ill-informed about my condition and veganism. I’m no square by any means, but I will speak my mind about compassion, peace, and love for all to anyone who challenges me. I will invite meat eaters to my table, because that’s how I can see their smiles when I share my delicious food with them. I will enjoy life without harming another. This is my reality. This is why I became vegan.

[Photo credit to Randie Lin]

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