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But if you can’t be bothered, here are some tips to help you better navigate some products with especially disingenuous packaging.

1. REALFRUIT gummy candies

The only fruits that are real fruits are real fruits.

2. Kraft Singles

Rule of thumb: The more adjectives a product requires, the further it is from being a real food. “Pasteurized prepared cheese product” is right up there with…

4. Hellman’s half-fat mayo

…. “sauce style mayonnaise type dressing.”

5. Coca-Cola made with real sugar

The word “real” here is used as a signifier of purity or wholeness, when in actuality if you are drinking a can of Coke you are putting something in your stomach that can clean your sink.

6. Protinis

Ever notice how “oven-roasted” chicken has grill marks on it? Why is that? OH WAIT YES IT IS BECAUSE THIS CHICKEN IS A LIE.

7. Veggie straws

No vegetable on god’s green earth springs forth from the ground in the shape of something through which you could siphon Coca-Cola (made with real sugar).

8. Chocolate Dairy Beverage

Much like Almond Breeze, the provenance and, indeed, contents of this package are unclear based on its name. It is clear, however, that it is not quite milk.

9. Goldfish Crackers

I’m just putting these here because there is a type of Goldfish cracker that comes in rainbow colours, and the packaging says “made with natural colours.” Oh yeah? So what kind of bush does a colour grow on? When you see “made with natural ANYTHING,” have doubts. Avoid. Or buy the thing but know that you are basically eating corrugated cardboard full of sugar with maybe a whisper of real food. But don’t sue people; just be smarter.

10. Yogurt made with real coffee

Wait, what? No. Just throw this into a fire.