“We’re nearly ready to launch, we just need a few more time loops so we can finish bugtesting Gauntlet Draft.”

In an exclusive interview with ArtifactCard.Trade, Valve have confirmed that they will release the Artifact beta on October 32nd as planned, despite small feature setbacks and injuries on the team.

“We’re nearly ready to launch, we just need a few more time loops so we can finish bugtesting Gauntlet Draft.”

Valve’s recent invention of a time machine has ‘been doing wonders’ for development of Artifact, having made and tested the device for the original purpose of bringing the Dota 2 patch cycle from once every four months to a blistering once per fortnight.

“Our main issues now are mostly dealing with Bill from Accounting telling us not to give away $100k in free Artifact keys because we’re already in the red from the electricity bill. 1.21 gigawatts is a bit of a strain on the budget.”

Unfortunately, despite the huge leaps in development, the team has decided to save some features for after release to help with bringing the game out faster.

“The VR experience will be delayed to 2019. Garfield gave us the addictive ink formula, but it appears it’s more potent when the body absorbs it through the headset goggles rather by holding cards in your hands. While we appreciate beta testers loving the game, being unable to physically stop playing it is a legal hassle, and the insurance company won’t accept another hospital bill like the one from the Ricochet 2 beta testing.”

Jeep Barnett was unavailable for comment from Seattle Grace Hospital.