What Your Band Needs To Know Before Going Pro

Every band dreams of making it to the big time. However, few musicians know what it really takes to move your passion of music to a career. These tips listed below will put you ahead of the curve. Get ready, it ain’t pretty.

Practice-

You must have band practice everyday for 8 to 10 hours. The first 6 hours should be spent in total silence, sitting in a circle and picturing what you will be playing. It is called simulation exercise. At no point should you talk. Picture yourself playing a sheading solo, smashing your guitar, spilling a beer all over your bass players pedal board, and dropping your pick. Imagining things before they happen will get you ready for when they happen in real life. The total silence will also prepare you for the hours of silence you will spend in the band van while on tour.

Fighting-

At some point, your band will fight while on tour. It might be about the last show when the bass player missed a cue or about the hot chick at the bar that you totally could have scored if your drummer didn’t come over and yell at you for not helping load the gear. You should know this is going to happen. Fights are inevitable, just ask my wife. When fights do occur, make sure to blow the littlest thing out of proportion and hold on to it for days. I still hate my drummer for once sneezing without covering his mouth; freaking hippies.

Money-

no matter what the bar says, expect to be paid slightly less than the agreed upon price. Did they say, $400 bucks, free drinks and 10 guest passes? What they really mean is, $400 minus the beer you drink and you don’t even have any guests. So, you will walk out with $300, a bar napkin with an ugly chick’s digits, and a pint glass your guitar player stashed in his guitar case. Always send two people to collect the money. There are two good reasons for this: First, two people will scare the owner to paying you correctly and 2nd; you can’t trust your bandmates to not pinch a little cash from the top. I mean, seriously, your bandmates are sketchy dudes!!! What kinda trust worthy human plays in a touring band? The answer, none.

Gear-

Do you have pro gear? You should have pro gear if you want to be pro. How do you expect to have pro tude without pro gear? My suggestion is to go to your local music store and ask for the pro gear section. After their laughter has stopped, be sure to pick up the nicest Squire guitar and proclaim your love for these great pieces of craftsmanship, laugh, put it down and then proceed to pay way to much for a road worn Fender.

Live Sound-

You will be playing some of the scummiest places known to humans. Beer soaked floors, toilets that haven’t been flushed since Nixon resigned, stages that are the size of pin heads and bartenders with less teeth than eyes. Given the high quality nature of these venues, don’t expect amazing sound. You’ll have to bring your own P.A. If a club says they have their own P.A., still bring yours. Their P.A. will consist of two broken mic stands, some crate P.A from the 70’s with two broken channels, a mic that smells worse than GG Allin, and speakers from a car stereo. Since great sound is what you are looking for, set up your P.A right before you are about to start. If you go on at 9PM, start to set it up at 8:57. At 9:45 when you have just finished running your last mic cable, proceed to do a sound check. The perfect thing to say into the mic “Testing, one two three.” After that say “testies, one two… three?” No one has ever heard this joke before and will know your band means business. After three hours of sound check, pack up and go get your money.

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