BOISE, Idaho – After a comprehensive search of the greater Boise area that began almost two weeks ago, authorities say they have found 32-year-old Sister Rebecca Todd alive and well in an abandoned potato field.

Rebecca claims her new calling as Girl’s Camp Director was the driving force behind her behavior.

“I just felt trapped,” she said in a recent interview. “I was going to come back eventually, but until Camp was over people needed to believe I was dead.”

Rebecca’s husband, Jeremy, reported her missing on January 28th. “I woke up and found a trail of blood from our bedroom all the way to a mound of dirt at the cemetery,” he said. “I prepared myself for the worst.”

Authorities say the blood turned out to be Maraschino cherry syrup. They exhumed the grave, but found it empty. Jeremy says he became suspicious when he realized his wife’s disappearance occurred the day after their local bishop had asked her to accept a calling as Girl’s Camp Director.

Jeremy says his wife spent the evening before her disappearance in the fetal position, terrified at the prospect of planning, organizing and attending a week-long camp with more than one hundred adolescent young women.

“I tried to reassure her. I told her that if she could just survive until the testimony meeting at the end of the week it would all be worth it,” Jeremy says. “She told me to stop trying to ‘fix it’. She can be a bit dramatic.”

From a historic perspective, sisters from the Glennside 4th Ward say dramatic may be the most appropriate reaction.

According to the Ward Relief Society President, in 2014 Camp Director Agatha Sheen returned home after the event covered in mud and speaking in tongues.

In 2015, Director Theresa Gillman returned home four days early and still suffers from Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome.

In 2016, Director Stephanie Farr was immediately admitted into a psychiatric clinic the day after Girl’s Camp ended.

Gary Fielding serves as the Ward Bishop. In an interview we asked if he planned to extend the call to someone other than Sister Todd, considering the circumstances.

“She’ll be fine,” he said.

[In case you haven’t picked it up yet, this is a satirical article and is not true.]

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