The MySpace generation is a "somewhat alien life force," a Navy recruiting presentation contends — with a language and lifestyle that’s almost unrecognizable to adults. And because the kids are such "coddled," "narcissistic praise junkies," they’ll be beyond tough to bring into the military. Propensity to join the armed forces among these so-called "millennials" has dropped to as little as 3%; that’s down from 26% in 2001.

Entropic Memes uncovered the bleak, often unintentionally hilarious report from the Annual Navy Workforce Research and Analysis Conference, which also glumly notes that the Iraq war has brutalized recruiting efforts. Up to two-thirds of millennials are "less likely to join the military" because of the war, according to the presentation.

The typical kid today "has always been online," and "has never known a world without digital phones." Because of that, he a worldwide social network; his "best friend may be Chinese," the report says. "Teens are creating new forms of social behavior that blur the distinction between online and real-world interactions — and largely ignore the difference between the two." The dual life is "creating a whole new language." The presentation warns recruiters that they’re liable to experience more than "just a generation gap" with today’s kids. To older military types, the youngsters will appear to be "a somewhat alien life force."

To be able to speak to these creatures, the presentation offers some handy translations, like "suuuuuuup!!! (Translation: What’s up?)." It also invites recruiters to make sure they know about emoticons, Napoleon Dynamite, Bolt, "Brangelina’s baby," and the Black Eyed Peas.

The report also notes important cultural distinctions between the youth of today and the youth of yesteryear. Kids live such busy, structured life, that they often use "planner[s] before middle school." They are also unusually tight with their "active, involved, ‘helicopter’ parents."

These "kids grew up hearing nothing but praise, all the time, everywhere. Recent childhood has been defined by ego-stroking… [They] can get disgruntled if not praised for simply ‘showing up’ at work," according to the report, which calls the millenials "a ‘coddled’ generation."

All of which makes today’s youth particularly unlikely to join the armed forces. The "military [is] not on kids’ radar," according to the presentation — college is. The report quotes an unnamed teenager, as saying "(If I join the Navy) I’d miss out on having the excuse of being a college kid and being irresponsible."

The Iraq war has only discouraged millennials further. Up to 32% say it has made them "less patriotic," and up to 67% say they are "less likely to join the military."

UPDATE : Navy Times hops aboard.

In the slides a Navy presenter described the patios [sic] of the young, a mishmash of acronyms and nonwords used in text messages and social networking sites; in one sample exchange a hypothetical young person asks “wat up dude” and another responds “nmu (Translation: Not much.

You?).” Potential Navy recruits are “coddled” and

“unrealistically impatient,” the presentation says, and would “expect an open and transparent environment” if they enlisted. It also advises commanders to expect young people linked together by the Web and cell phones to “share their Navy experiences” and that “some of them may not be worth bragging about.”

So does Boing Boing.

Yeah, these darn kids today, with their weird abbreviations, acronyms — all that impenetrable insider jargon. That’s alien, all right. Not like the military at all.

And so does Wonkette.