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WITH reports coming in that Sinn Féin leader Gerry Adams already has a timetable in place for his departure from the party and discussions underway within Sinn Féin as to where the party goes after his departure, WWN takes a look at how the 67-year-old Adams might spend his retirement years.

1) Take up gardening

A low-energy pastime enjoyed by many retirees, the bury-something-deeply-then-watch-as-it-resurfaces-down-the-line nature of gardening should come naturally to Adams.

2) Ring up Joe Duffy everyday

Popular RTÉ radio programme Liveline is in constant need of elderly people to ring up and talk about this disgrace or that, which would be a great way for Gerry to voice his displeasure about any number of populist topics when he steps down as the leader of a party that supports everything and nothing at the same time.

3) Deny being retired

Shaking a lifelong habit of denying things may not come easy to Gerry, so there’s no reason why he can’t just deny the fact that he’s retired, nor has he ever been retired, and any reports that he was retired are just fabrications of those looking to destroy his good name.

4) Join the IRA

Being in Sinn Féin has robbed Gerry of the ability to join the IRA, as the two organisations are completely separate and one cannot be a member of both at the same time. Having stepped away, Gerry can finally stroke ‘be part of a paramilitary organisation’ off his bucket list.

5) Grow an orchard

And sell the produce under the company name ‘Adams Apples’.