Rochester Hills, MI – Rochester resident Jeffery Zeigler was arrested on Friday after firing at a teen who knocked on his door to ask for directions to school. Local police were quick to condemn Zeigler’s actions, pointing out that impersonating a police officer is a serious offence.

“This behaviour is unacceptable,” said local Sheriff Daniel Boyd. “Police officers go through extensive training and experience when it comes to shooting at unarmed black teens. Civilians simply don’t know what they are doing.”

Fortunately, 14 year old Brennan Walker is unharmed, but was left shaken by the revelation that the expletive shouting, irrationally angry, violent man he encountered was not an actual police officer.

Boyd further cautioned the public that police impersonation is no laughing matter: “People dressing up as cops to pull pranks on their friends, or pretending to shut down a bachelorette party before revealing themselves to be a stripper is one thing, but to imitate the one action police are most known for? That goes too far.”

Boyd recommended that any resident who sees a black teenager peacefully walking around take no action themselves, but instead call the police so they can come and shoot him.

Zeigler faces a substantial prison sentence for his actions, and his court-appointed lawyer Robert Piers admitted he was worried. “When police execute children based on skin-colour bias, the whole department pitches in to help them dodge a fair legal outcome. Zeigler just has me. And to be honest, I think he sucks.”

The situation went from bad to worse for Zeigler Monday morning as the police filed an additional impersonating charge. The new charge claims that Zeigler “stole our move” by claiming he thought Walker was holding a gun, but it turned out to only be a cell phone.