Value My Culture, Bitch

Christmas is a traumatic time for us minorities

Well, it’s that time of the year again. White people have started shoving their racist celebrations in our faces, saying “Merry Christmas” and “Happy Holidays” and all sorts of weird, triggering greetings no one wants to hear. Contrary to popular belief, it is NOT the most wonderful time of the year. I mean, what’s so great about Christmas anyway?

I didn’t come to America for this shit. When my parents left our country for a more prosperous future, we didn’t plan on leaving behind our traditions or culture. I wish white people here could see some of our beautiful customs and religious events, because they truly are wonderful. If I weren’t so oppressed, I’d want to celebrate some of our cultural festivals, which have way more color than the boring red and green we see everywhere during Christmas.

One event I’d love to see celebrated is Eid al-Adha. Sure, schools very often make accommodations for Muslim students for the occasion, and some school districts even have it as an official holiday, but that’s simply not enough. I’d like to see Eid done up in it’s original glory, just like we do back home. Giving to charity and those in need, as well being grateful for all our good fortune; that’s what the spirit of Eid is all about. That, and also mass slaughtering of animals.

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen my father butcher an animal on the street in front of our home. There’s something so magical about watching the life drain out of a little goat as it lies there helplessly, writhing in pain, blood slowly draining out its neck, its eyes going dead. Too bad we can’t experience this joy in PETA-crazy America. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to see the streets of New York City come alive with fresh carcasses, bringing the sweet smell of ritualistic animal sacrifice into every home? #Blessed

Diwali is another holiday I miss dearly. One of the major Hindu festivals, it signifies the conquest of good over evil, light over darkness, and hope over anguish — things we need in our world now more than ever. Add to that the fact it’s celebrated at night, out in the open with illegal fireworks, hundreds of thousands of people, and no safety precautions what-so-ever; what could be more exciting than potentially losing an eye? A city-wide celebration that drastically increases one’s chances of developing cancer, bronchitis, or a myriad of other respiratory illnesses, not being able to do Diwali justice stings.

Way more festive than Christmas

But the biggest tragedy is the loss of FGM, which is labelled “primitive” or “backwards” — but it totally isn’t! What’s really primitive is giving into your animalistic sex drives and whoring out on sinful activities. The West needs to see the beauty, and need, of this practice and embrace the values of modesty that are so lacking in these “civilized” societies.

The patriarchy isn’t going to uphold itself. By mutilating our genitals and curbing our sex drives, our cultures can remain pure and honour-based. Sometimes I wish my parents had immigrated to the UK instead of America, since FGM parties there seem a lot easier to host. This is true oppression.

Christmas is so problematic, really. I mean, what are we teaching people? To give in to mindless consumerism in the form of gifts for loved ones? Or the story of Santa — an overweight racist who keeps slaves in the North Pole to make toys? And don’t even get me started on the poor reindeer who have to pull his fat ass in a sleigh all night long.

How cruel.