Wheelchair users say going out for a meal or a coffee is often unnecessarily stressful because many restaurants and cafes don't have accessible toilets.

Restaurants and cafes are routinely excluding wheelchair users and other disabled people from going out with loved ones by ignoring laws on accessible toilets, a disabled advocate says.

By law, buildings used by the public must be accessible to disabled people.

But this only applies to new work or alterations, so many restaurants, cafes and pubs get around it by simply avoiding renovations, said Phillip Blundell, chairman of CCS Disability Action's Wellington branch.

"It excludes you from everyday society... you're trapped in the house, not able to go out somewhere," said Blundell, a retired Defence Force procurement manager, who has been in a wheelchair since a military helicopter crash in 1983.

Another problem was "token" accessibility, where supposedly accessible toilets are used for storage, or the cubicle door cannot close with a wheelchair inside.

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Hand-rails, crucial for manoeuvring onto the toilet, were often beyond wheelchair users' reach, or attached with screws too short to take a person's weight.

Self-closing springs on cubicle doors were often too strong to be opened from a wheelchair, and mirrors and dryers were often placed for a standing person.

Poorly installed bins, paper dispensers or partitions also often made it difficult to get onto the toilet from a wheelchair, even to the point of risking a fall.

Toilet trips became a source of annoyance, stress and worry, requiring constant planning, said Blundell.

"You go to the toilet and it's full of stock... You have to get a waiter, oh so sorry, then you wait there while the waiter clears it – why can't I just slip off to the toilet, same as everyone else?"

Frequently, a toilet might be accessible, but the restaurant's only entrance ramp was in a back alley.

"Am I valued member of the community? No, sorry, we have a back door for you people.

"It's that sort of feeling – I'm a pain, I'm not welcome."

Many builders and architects did not really understand or train in accessibility requirements, and there was insufficient policing to make sure toilets stayed accessible, he said.

Some owners making alterations successfully argued for a council waiver, despite Ministry of Business, Innovation and Employment (MBIE) rules specifically banning waivers that compromised disabled access.

However, some hospitality businesses were doing well out of specifically catering for disabled people.

"Don't assume that because we're disabled, we don't have money or want to be treated differently.

"We just want to go out and have a good time – you make it accessible, they'll come through your door."

Restaurant Association of New Zealand chief executive Marisa Bidois said waivers would generally only be issued for alterations to character buildings.

"Businesses are often trying to do the right thing but because of restricted space or structural limitation they may be forced to reach some kind of compromise."

Registered Master Builders Association chief executive David Kelly said accessibility rules were the responsibility of designers, local councils and MBIE.

"A builder will build to the consent that is issued... the assumption is that the designer has designed to the rules, and that the council have issued consents that adhere to these rules."

A MBIE representative said there was no formal process in place allowing businesses to apply for a disabled access waiver.

However, for alterations councils have "a certain amount of discretion" and can grant consents as long as they leave disabled access, among the other building requirements, "as nearly as is reasonably practical as if it were a new building".

In September, the Office for Disability Issues and MBIE completed a two-year review of how disability access requirements were working in practice, the representative said.

The review found some councils had poor knowledge of, and attitudes towards, building accessibility.

A new programme to educate building owners, councils, designers and the public about the practicalities of accessible buildings was launched in September, and results could be expected by 2017.

Accessibility was not just about wheelchairs but included parents with pushchairs, people on crutches and all disabled people.

Anyone with concerns about access should contact the building owner in the first instance.