The combination of black box and GPS will change the way everyone drives. It will be like having a police officer in the car with you.

There has been a lot of talk lately about putting GPS devices and so-called “black boxes” in all new cars. The black box logs technical details about your car over time, such as driving speed, and actually, most new cars already have some sort of black box installed as part of the computerized ignition system.

The combination of black box and GPS and perhaps more aggressive software will change the way everyone drives. It will be like having a police officer in the car with you. I assure you, this is coming.

Any technologies that make police work easier is promoted like crazy because oldfashioned crime-solving is always difficult. Having spy cams, illegal wire taps and tracking devices everywhere simplifies everything so law enforcement can relax and chat over a delicious doughnut.

The public generally has mixed feelings about all this. They like the idea of less crime. But they do not particularly like the idea of being watched 24/7. In general most people, unless they are incredible duds, like to fool around once in a while. This may include getting plastered at a wedding, smooching a co-worker or even having sex in the office, making an illegal U-turn at 2 in the morning when nobody is around, or driving at 104 mph on a back road in South Carolina.

There are a lot of possibilities. Any that involve an automobile will be verboten once the black box and GPS become installed by law. And that day is near.

This Will Save Me Money! Or Will It?

Already we’re being sold on the “good news” of all this. Insurance programs will monitor our driving habits and determine which of us deserves a fat discount for being safe drivers. What’s wrong with that?

But let’s look beyond the insurance discount. Already we are hearing about all the cases in which the GPS tracking of wandering spouses has led to divorce. Reminds me of having a key logger installed on your computer so everything you do on the machine is tracked and recorded.

The key logger, considered by many an abomination, is exactly what the black box will become. It won’t seem onerous at first, but just wait.

You know that today, if you get into a horrible accident and it becomes a “he said, she said” controversy, the first thing investigators do is check cell phone records to see if one of the two parties was actually on the phone at the exact time of the accident. Bingo. Now we know who is at fault.

Let’s take that to a new level with the black box. We can now tell what your speed was. OK, that is reasonable. But how about if the box can also tell whether you had one or two hands on the wheel? Were you fiddling with the myriad controls on your dashboard? And exactly how loud was your radio? Did the mic in your car pick up your singing voice? A-ha; perhaps you were paying more attention to your private karaoke session than you were to your driving?

But Wait; It Gets Worse

We all know that states and counties are cash-strapped. Increasing the number of fines for traffic and parking violations is an excellent revenue stream.

In California you have to bring your car in annually for a smog check—an incredible scam in and of itself since the test is expensive and does nothing to get polluting cars off the road. What if these annual appointments also served the purpose of analyzing each car’s black-box data? So besides paying $100 for the smog check, you get an additional bill that outlines every possible traffic violation that occurred over the past year. Using GPS, it can show instances of speeding, illegal U-turning, and failing to stop at stop signs, too.

This is a potential bonanza for state coffers, and don’t think for a second that I’m the only one who sees the potential.

Too Many Gray Areas

Of course, many if not most of these violations would be bogus or questionable. You might be told to turn around and make an illegal U-turn by a policeman. No worries, there will be a process in which you can protest the fine. Of course you’d have to recall the circumstances exactly. And you’d have to deal with the always-faulty mechanism of filing the protest.

In other words, just pay the fine. And know that the insurance companies will be in on this racket and will jack up your rates for all those driving errors.

God, I love technology.