CHADDS FORD, PA—Watching in disbelief as she pulled out a textbook in the midst of the busy locker room, members of the Unionville High School field hockey team told reporters Thursday that sophomore forward Kelly Wilcox was actually trying to do some homework during the 30-minute period between school and the start of practice. “She’s sitting there with some bio worksheet on her lap that she’s rushing to finish, but what the hell does she think she’s going to accomplish in the next half hour?” said junior defender Katie Fitzgerald, adding that Wilcox, who changed into her practice clothes faster than anyone else on the team, was somehow tuning out the din of other girls talking and slamming lockers shut as she flipped through her textbook in search of answers to her homework questions. “You need a little time to grab your field hockey stuff and head to the locker room after ninth period lets out, and then it takes at least 15 minutes to change and walk over to the field, so she’s only got about 10 minutes, max, to get any work done. Why even bother?” At press time, locker room sources confirmed that, holy shit, it looked like Wilcox actually completed the entire assignment right before heading out to practice.

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