It generally takes about seven years so, ideally, you should have started growing yours seven years ago. Now you're going to have to wait until you're twenty to start having sex, which is actually a far more practical age. By that time, you'll have probably seen so much random internet porn that you might actually know what you're doing, although probably not. Everything tends to go blank the first time you see a vagina in the flesh and, reverting back to some primitive state like a sperm cell swimming mindlessly as it crashes about like a total douche, you'll be lucky if you even remember your own name. Enough about that; I'll explain in the next paragraph how this works.

Go to your local mega-pharmacy and ask to speak with the manager. Speak *only* to the manager and ask them for a condom growing kit. They'll look at you in bewilderment, like you just told them you were the future spawn of a reincarnated Shirley Temple and a homunculus, but that's just standard procedure. Tell them then that you're the future spawn of a reincarnated Shirley Temple and a Homunculus (the password this month) and they'll obligingly hand over to you your very first condom growing kit. The directions are in Chinese. Don't worry, all you need to do is plant the seeds in your belly button along with a generous dollop of cat litter (included in the kit) and water them each day with the tears of Jesus. If you can't get your hands on any of our savior's tears, regular tap-water will do just as well. Sometime after the first year, you'll start to see hair appearing in strange places and a tiny sprout will emerge from your belly button. These changes are a perfectly normal and healthy development on your road to becoming a man; nothing to feel embarrassed about. Some men in dark suits and sunglasses will later come to your door and ask you questions to determine what type of condom you inevitably produce--ribbed, studded, glow-in-the-dark, magnum, etc.--but they'll erase your memory afterwards so that it remains a surprise; all a part of the magic of "romance", as it were. Many, many more things are going to happen that I'm not going to bother getting into because I don't even know you and, frankly, your question is so incredibly obtuse that I don't really feel you're worth my time. Anyway, that's how babies aren't made. They actually use third world children to grow condoms in large crops and sell them in drug and grocery stores and gas stations, which I would recommend purchasing over growing my own as sprouting condoms out of your belly button is both a monumental pain in the *** and a turnoff for most chicks. Happy screwing.