by Cathleen Baroy

(Note: students' real names are changed for anonymity.)

“Andoon yung fear,” said Sir Erin de la Cruz as he tearfully recounted his experience as a gay youth.

It’s not surprising that those part of the LGBTQ community, both young and old, feel the same way.

Ging Cristobal of Rappler states that, while LGBTQ are tolerated, they are not still fully accepted in the Philippines. There is still a deep rooted disapproval of the community. It is found in the small, insensitive jokes many love to make. It is emphasized by the death of Jennifer Laude years ago, and many other instances of LGBTQ targeted violence.

It’s hard to show your colors.

Despite that, the LGBTQ community never fail to show their solidarity. They bear their colors and their pride high, and they become brighter every year. Though their experiences are different, they all move and strive towards a common goal: acceptance of their right to love who they choose.

Love is kind

“Dati pa ako may ganitong feeling,” said Mark, a bisexual 2024 student.

“There was always a sense of being out of place.”

That’s where it all starts, a feeling, and the knowledge of its existence. However, realizing it’s there is different for everyone.

“Wild” by Troye Sivan, the first song by an LGBTQ artist heard by an interviewee.

“I guess, generally, I always knew that I was different,” stated Luisa, a lesbian 2021 student. “There was always a sense of being out of place.”

On the other hand, some realize the feeling in someone else.

Jenny, a 2019 bisexual student, answered, “I think it was in grade school, Grades 3 and 4, I started liking a girl.”

Sir Erin chronicled his first realization back in his all boys elementary school, “They were being those childish boys we came to know. Boyish acts, boyish attitude, and I found that I wasn’t like that. I couldn’t do those things they did. I began to realize that, it was an unexplainable thing, na parang bakit may ganun akong pagtingin sa katawan ng kapwa kong lalaki?”

It’s a normal feeling though, innocent at most. In the picture of youth, it is a normal realization one comes upon in the process of finding one’s self. Another color to add to the palette. The real world is not so kind, and makes the situation much more complicated.

Many schools in the primary and secondary level lack education on the topic of sexuality. Thus, it leads to severe misconceptions, often confusing sexuality with gender. This type of miseducation manifests into toxic mindsets, making it harder for some to assimilate into their past schools. Sometimes, religion can also be a hindrance to progressiveness. Many regard homosexuality as a sin, creating an environment of hostility.

“I was in a Catholic school, so at that time, I really thought liking someone who was the same sex as me was a sin. So most of time, I just had a hard time accepting,” Jenny continued.

Realizing your sexuality is one thing. But acceptance is a whole other hurdle LGBTQ people face.

“Since all boys school, sobrang masculine ng mga tao, so siyempre mababa tingin nila sa effeminate or gay people,” Michael, a bisexual student from 2020 explained, “So dun ko narealize that there’s something wrong sa community natin. Na it’s something bad pala sa kanila.”

Another 2023 student, James, says that his former classmate in Grade 2 embarrassed him for being LGBT.

Unfortunately, these kinds of misconceptions end up getting carried outside the four walls of a classroom. This toxicity seeps into other units of society. And, most of the time, families themselves are the root of fear for many LGBTQ.

“Family ko homophobic. Parang sobrang religious nila. Ever since bata pa ako, naririnig ko sa kanila na ininsulto talaga nila yung gay people,” Michael continued. “Magkakapatid kasi kami, apat kami, puro kami lalaki. Tas lahat sila nag-aasaran sila, kasi normal naman na nag-aasaran. Pero yung asaran nila parang ‘uy bading!”

Realizing your sexuality is one thing. But acceptance is a whole other hurdle LGBTQ people face.

“For me I guess it’s less ‘I discovered I’m gay’, but parang acceptance,” Luisa said.

Love rejoices with truth

“I’ve never had a bad coming out experience in Pisay,” Luisa said.

There are some places left untouched. Granted, they are few, but safe spaces still exist for LGBTQ people. Many LGBTQ youth find solance in the internet, as seen in a survey by Human Rights Campaign.

“Sobrang laking tulong ng Pisay community.”

For Pisay students, many find comfort in its halls. Besides being open in their respective digital spaces, they feel no fear in being out on campus. It is in Pisay that they become more comfortable with making their sexuality public.

“It is a very accepting place in terms of the people,” Jacob, a 2023 bisexual student stated.

Many associate it with, not only the large population of LGBTQ students, but also with the open mindedness of the whole community itself.

“Sobrang laking tulong ng Pisay community. Yung community na ito, parang mas open minded sila, kaysa sa… halimbawa, yung community ko sa elementary. Yung all guys place na yun, sobrang shallow minded,” Michael said.

“Dito sa Pisay, I have found out that the minds of the people here are very very liberated. […] Irerespeto ko’y ikaw kasi alam ko irerespeto mo rin ako. May ganun akong notion eh, and so far yun yung nakikita ko. Wala akong naencounter na estudyante na nilait siya because of his orientation,” Sir Erin replied when asked what he felt about Pisay’s treatment of their LGBTQ community.

Explicitly stating your sexuality is a wholly different challenge. With family, there are those who experienced no difficulties and setbacks. Sadly, there were those whose families took a long time to accept them. Some refrain from coming out to them altogether.

“The only thing I fear naman talaga are my parents and relatives,” says Emily. Thankfully, she was able to come out to her cousins, “One of my cousins is also bi. And she had experience na rin dating girls, so siya na rin naging adviser ko.”

“Love, Simon”, an interviewee’s favorite LGBT book.

“When I was 7, I started searching [about sexuality] sa Google. And they approached me and they found what I was searching,” James, a bisexual 2022 student said.

However, his coming out experience with his parents was more emotional.

“My dad and my mom, they treat gays derogatory. They encourage me naman to be open about it, just don’t choose wrong choices. So, it’s like ‘we’re okay with it, just don’t choose the wrong person’,” he continued, “the first time I actually opened up to my mom about having a guy crush… kasi I was hurt at that time. I was being ignored, so I’m not used to that. I went home, I was crying and I ranted to my mom. And she said ‘that’s okay, men ain’t sh*t.’”

Their coming out experiences in Pisay went much better. Some came out to fellow LGBT friends, while others came out to their closest friends. No matter who it was, all were well received.

“I was like ‘OMG sasabihin ko ba talaga sa kanila?’ Kasi nakikita nila na napaka-weird ko sa harap ng ibang tao. Like sasabihin ko na ba talaga na bi ako. And, so, yun nga. Comfortable naman siya para sa akin,” Mark narrated.

“First na nag-come out ako sa friends ko, sa squad ko nga nung Grade 7. Nagcome out ako sa kanila nung Grade 9 na, kasi saka ko nalang inaccept. Grade 9 ako nagcome out to a fellow LGBT person. She’s lesbian, so sa kanya ako nagcome out kasi feeling ko sa kanya ako makakakuha ng major support,” said Michael.

Love perseveres

Songs by Hayley Kiyoko, another influential modern LGBT artist, is recommended by another interviewee.

“It’s really up to everyone to make Pisay a safe space.”

Pisay is not perfect, and a lot can be done to improve on how it can be a safe space for its LGBTQ students, faculty and staff. First and foremost, it starts with proper education on sexuality, gender, their differences, and how they come together.

“Parang sana maturo yung [sex ed] nung Grade 7 or Grade 8 or sa Val Ed, kung pwede yun isingit sa curriculum. Kasi sobrang daming misconceptions talaga about being an LGBTQ,” said Michael.

LGBTQ students also called for more sensitivity and self awareness when it comes to jokes or phrases said.

“There are still parts of Pisay you’re not comfortable with. Some teachers, some of your classmates can make like insensitive jokes. And, try as you might to educate them, they take it against you,” says Jenny, “It’s really up to everyone to make Pisay a safe space.”

“Minsan you feel threatened in a way, kasi it invalidates who you are. And, in a way, I understand naman your views. But, I won’t really conform to them if ever you tell me it’s wrong to be who I am,” continued Jacob.

Love protects

Sir Erin de la Cruz, a prominent figure in the Pisay LGBT community. Photo from Sir Erin.

“I consider myself strong,” stated Sir Erin de la Cruz from the Social Science unit. An openly gay Pisay teacher, he shared his own experiences as an LGBT youth. After realizing his own sexuality in grade school, he opened up about it during his college years, and has been out since then.

Despite the hardships, Pride movements still go strong, and are growing stronger than ever. Just last week, Mindanao held its first ever Pride march. The Metro Manila Pride March holds the title as the oldest and largest march in Southeast Asia. Both the Ilocos Region and Calabarzon Region campuses held their respective Pisay Pride marches.

Pisay Calabarzon holds their first Pride March. Photo by: Kate Plantilla

As the years go by, the LGBTQ community grows bigger, and more join as they find comfort in those who share common experiences. And with that, more of the younger generation become open and out with their sexuality. There is still a lot of fear and doubt. But, love from friends, family, fellow LGBTQ members, and most importantly, yourself, dispels those away.

Sir de la Cruz gives a piece of advice, and said, “To those who are confused, to those who haven’t outed really but want to out, process everything. Understand yourself even more. Because I’m pretty sure kapag nakilala mo na sarili mo, nalaman mo na sarili mo, and minahal mo na sarili mo, things will just go with the flow.”