Legendary Actor Keanu Reeves and his identical twin brother, Charles "Cr1TiKaL" Penguins were separated in time at birth as the result of a horrific phone booth accident.

The elder Reeves Brother would go on to star in Hollywood blockbusters such as "Speed" and the "John Wick" franchise. The younger of the Reeves Brothers would go on to work at Blockbuster, almost star in "The Hunger Games", and host "The Moist Meter".

Keanu Reeves grew up completely oblivious to the existence of his future brother, but I assume that he always knew something was/was going to be missing.

One day, the younger Reeves Brother, Charlie “Penguins with a Z” Moistman, happened to see his “broppelganger” while rewatching “The Matrix” and just like Morpheus, he knew Keanu was The One.

He tried to reach his onii-san by giving John Wick 3 an unprecedented 110% on The Moist Meter. He then tried telling him to check his DMs on Twitter, only to realize in horror that the Keanu Reeves he was @ing did not even have a blue checkmark. It was then that he realized that his older brother’s life was like a bus traveling over fifty miles per hour, and his own life was like a ship going nowhere on cruise control.

To cope with his tragic backstory, he summoned countless Photoshop wizards from the Deep Web to create countless Deep Fakes of Keanu Reeves telling him he was “a most excellent brother” and that he was “tall on the inside”. He purchased a cardboard cutout of his brother in an attempt to fill the void, but it was no use. The effect of the UnKeanu Valley was too great. The void would never be filled by cardboard. The void would never be filled again.

Until now.

With your support, we can reunite the Reeves Brothers once and for all and finally reboot The Matrix.

You press the “Close Tab” button, the story ends. You wake up in an Imperial wagon, and believe whatever you want to believe.

You press the “Sign Petition” button, and Keanu Reeves' agent, Smith, will possibly convince him to make a special guest appearance on The Moist Meter, and I show you how excellent the greatest adventure/publicity stunt of all time goes.

That's it, see ya.