We know you don’t have all day. Let’s see if we can clear this up in under 600 words.

“The oil will run out by 1994.”

(Labour MP Tony Benn, May 1979)

“The oil will run out by 2000.”

(Labour MP Ioan Evans, February 1980)

“Oil and gas will run out by the end of the 1980s.”

(Tory MPs Timothy Eggart and Peter Rost, January 1982)

“Oil will be running out by 1989.”

(Labour MP Jeff Rooker, April 1984)

“The UK Government has spent 30 years suppressing its own report telling the Scots how rich oil would make them with independence.”

(The Independent, December 2005)

– “Norway’s oil fund grew by 18% in 2012 to £450bn.”

(BBC News, March 2013)

– “Poverty in Scotland at its worst in 30 years.”

(The Herald, March 2013)

“Alistair Darling is pocketing an extra £13m A DAY thanks to soaring oil prices.”

(The Sun, April 2008)

“North Sea oil could run out by 2018.”

(The Guardian, May 2008)

“North Sea oil will last another 100 years.”

(The Telegraph, June 2008)

“High oil and gas prices could lead to a Treasury tax windfall.”

(Alistair Darling on BBC News, June 2008)

“Soaring oil prices could hold back the economic recovery.”

(Alistair Darling in the Evening Standard, June 2009)

“Collapsing oil revenue will turn the whole UK into a banana republic!”

(The Telegraph, November 2009)

“Scotland faces bill of £30bn after North Sea oil runs out.”

(The Scotsman, April 2012)

“North Sea oil will last for another 50 years.”

(Daily Express, September 2012)

“Declining oil revenue will leave Scotland worse off than the UK.”

(The Telegraph, November 2012)

“The trouble with oil is that it’s a tremendously volatile diminishing asset.”

(Alistair Darling in the Paisley Daily Express, December 2012)

“Oil and gas decline to halt as investment booms.”

(Reuters, January 2013)

“North Sea oil to give George Osborne £25bn boost.”

(The Telegraph, February 2013)

“It’s not Scotland’s oil, it’s Shetland’s.”

(Tavish Scott in The Shetland Times, March 2013)

“It’s definitely Scotland’s oil.”

(Vince Cable in The Telegraph, March 2013)

“Falling oil revenues will mean savage public spending cuts or tax rises.”

(Vince Cable in the Scotsman, March 2013)

“Oil and gas will play a vital role in British energy needs for decades to come.”

(Vince Cable in the Daily Record, March 2013)

“There are probably billions of barrels still to be found in Scottish waters, which is why we’re investing billions of pounds in looking for it.”

(New York Times, March 2013)

“Oil revenue is volatile, and declining, and cheap gas from fracking will probably make it completely worthless.”

(The Scotsman, March 2013)

“North Sea oil and gas have a long and bright future.”

(UK energy minister John Hayes, March 2013)

“There’s no bright future for oil revenue.”

(Dumfries And Galloway Standard, March 2013)

“Analysts believe that Clair, along with other developments [in Scottish waters to the west of Shetland], could lead to the Atlantic overtaking the North Sea as the UK’s biggest oil-producing region within 20 years.”

(BBC News, March 2013)

“Scotland will be so rich from oil you won’t be able to handle it by yourselves!”

(The Telegraph, March 2013)

By our watch that means it’s time for Alistair Darling to come along and warn us that the oil will run out by next Tuesday afternoon, and that even if it doesn’t we’ll only waste the money on deep-fried heroin and free bus passes for pensioners so it’s best to make sure we keep giving it to George Osborne. Over to you, Alistair.

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(Kudos due to Stephen Noon for digging out the MP quotes at the start.)