Congratulations on your decision to join the forces of darkness! Evil always needs more tools... I mean... agents... for its unholy army of the night, and by joining now you can rest assured that your remaining years will be spent pursuing the 'good' things of life: lust, greed, debauchery, the construction of enormous weather machines... Your favorite hobby can become a lifelong career! Thus, this handy guide has been created to nurture any potential lunatic into a lifetime of evil and destruction.

UPDATE - I have a new website called Keep Calm and Run. It's a guide for dealing with Alien Invaders, Zombies, Robotic Rampages, Giant Monsters, Things Man Was Not Meant to Know, and more.