The Danish Veterinary and Food Administration has allegedly made the importation of Marmite illegal, apparently on the grounds that the yeast extract is fortified with vitamin B, and therefore doesn't meet strict safety guidelines. (It's not the first time Marmite has been banned for health reasons – a few years ago some Welsh schools removed it from breakfast menus because of its salt content.) The possibility of a Marmite war with Denmark seems remote – the half of the UK population who find Marmite disgusting are unlikely to be outraged – but if the ban (which also includes Ovaltine and Horlicks) continues, what Danish produce can Britain boycott in retaliation?

• Lego – Lego is a Danish company, but the little plastic bricks are also made in Hungary and Mexico, so a boycott could touch off a complicated trade war. It also might seem odd to ban Lego bricks on health grounds, unless you've ever stepped on one in the dark. Legoland in Windsor would probably have to be invaded, if not partially pushed over.

• The Killing – The gritty crime drama could conceivably be considered bad for the UK population's health – especially if one is of a nervous disposition – but so many people have watched it now that it would be like going to a restaurant and complaining about broken glass in your risotto after you've finished it.

• Cool furniture – Setting fire to classic Arne Jacobsen chairs in the UK would send a strong message to anti-Marmite Denmark, and since they're stackable the bonfire would be easy to build.

• Bacon – Boycotting Danish bacon would be tough, and confusing. More than half of the bacon eaten in the UK is imported, largely from Denmark and the Netherlands. Also, bacon cured and sliced in the UK might be made from Danish pork. There have been calls for bans before – on animal welfare grounds – but Denmark obligingly came up with a "UK pig" specifically reared to meet British husbandry standards.

• Biscuits in round tins – Those sugary all-butter biscuits may not be terribly good for you, but giving them up for the sake of Marmite hardly seems a fair trade. I, for one, would miss them.

• Sandi Toksvig – The Danish writer and broadcaster has spent so long in the UK that she's become a British institution, so the Danish government might not want her back. And while there's no doubt the upheaval would inconvenience Toksvig, there's no evidence anyone in Denmark would be put out by it. Before we do anything, we should find out where she stands on Marmite.