If you’ve been living under a rock you obviously have much larger problems – praying for you – but it also means you might’ve missed the all too real return of The Real Housewives of Melbourne to the screens of your nearest and last week.

In occasion of their return to their spiritual televisual home on Foxtel’s Arena, we sat down with the five OG Melburnians – Chyka, Gina, Janet, Lydia and Jackie – and two new additions to the cast, Gamble and Pettifleur, for the first of many rounds of Real Talk, beginning with the inaugural dispensation of the Real Housewives Class of ’15 Awards.

The premise is simple: chaired by the larger than life Gina Liano, the Housewives took turns vying for equal parts prestigious and dubious honorifics, including ‘Most Like To Go To Rehab’, ‘Fake On Camera’, ‘Miss Congeniality’, ‘Biggest Drama Queen’ and – first things first – who’s the realest?

Watch what happens when you ask seven Type-A alpha divas to talk about each other and themselves in front of two cameras with a show to shill and zero inhibitions.

It’s unlike anything I’ve ever witnessed:

The Real Housewives of Melbourne airs Sundays at 8:30pm on Foxtel’s Arena and in the US on Bravo.