Please, ladies. Manspreading is not a thing. It really isn’t. Just like mansplaining isn’t a thing and man flu isn’t a thing. They are not things. They are not social phenomena. Your tittering neologisms are not needed. You can be a feminist without coining these meaningless, reductive and self-deluding terms that risk making your gender-obsessed weltanschauung look utterly ridiculous.

This business with the first photograph of Theresa May’s cabinet: I’m sorry, but how do you want Boris to sit? Have you ever seen a naked man? Okay, good. So you know we have these ugly but nonetheless biologically necessitous external reproductive organs which were designed to dangle down between our hind legs when we walked on all fours, all cool and comfy, but which for