The MLS summer salary dump is here.

What that means for you, intrepid MLS gumshoe, is schlepping through reams of salary figures to discover those players who wear ski masks and those behind the counter, frantically jamming the “Call Police” button.

I’ve codified, in my estimation, the “best” and “worst” contracts from each team’s perspective based on post-CBA guaranteed cash those players receive as of 2015. We can quibble over the precise meaning of those terms (as we’ll see when we get to Lee Nguyen), but in this context it’s essentially from a team’s vantage. So relative to each player’s performance when weighted against the rest of the league, how many are underpaid and how many are making off with unwarranted bucks?

My selections.

Chicago Fire

Best

Harry Shipp ($112, 500): The last time MLS released salary figures in September, Shipp’s guaranteed number was $95K. What’d a near-ROY campaign buy him? $17,500. National team call-ups tend to drive up the price, and Shipp’s puzzling omissions certainly haven’t helped his value. But look at it this way, Fire fans. You get a budding star and a USMNT likely in the coming cycle (at what point, we’ll have to wait and see) for under $115K. Compare his cap number to another “No. 10” in a certain New York borough and this is a s.t.e.a.l.

Worst

Mike Magee ($417,000): When you talk value, you rope in a certain number of factors. One of those is consistency and form weighed over health and in-game minutes. Magee won the MLS MVP award in 2013, which was a fantastic return on investment for a striker most assumed would ride out his career in the relative quiet of the Chicago ‘burbs. But it’s looking increasingly like those days have come and gone. Even in his MVP season Magee didn’t crack 2,000 minutes, and it’s anyone’s guess how effective he’ll be after returning from eight months on the shelf. When healthy, Magee is quality. But he’s not $400K quality. Not now, anyway.

Columbus Crew

Best

Hector Jimenez ($90,000): The Crew don’t idly hand out big contracts, which is two sides of a blade. One one hand, they only have two players making more than $300K/year. Bargains for days. On the other, that doesn’t exactly lure top internationals. Jimenez is ultimately the top bargain on a roster that plays Moneyball with the best of them. He’s clocked 1,000+ quality minutes in the midfield over the past two seasons, and he’s going to smash that this season after deftly switching to right back. That kind of versatility for this kind of price is a tidy bit of business.

Worst

Cedrick Mabwati ($253,749.96): You have to try exceedingly hard to find a toxic contract on this roster. So it’s fair to raise an eyebrow at this choice, especially since Mabwati’s MLS career hasn’t yet started in earnest. But that’s just it: the notoriously frugal Crew just lobbed $250K at a flighty winger whose last season with Real Betis featured 30 Segunda Division appearances, three assists and zero goals. While his reputation is speed, speed, speed, his finishing has, ahem, historically left something to be desired. Not a terrible contract, but the flame-out potential on a $250K deal is a bit high for comfort.

Colorado Rapids

Best

Axel Sjoberg ($75,000): While it’s true that the Rapids tend to hoard skyscraper center backs like they need an intervention, Sjoberg (pronounced HOO-BERG just to confuse you) is the best of them, and he’s just a rookie. In the Rapids’ first match of the season, Sjoberg recorded 22 clearances, which tied for the second-most in an MLS match since Opta began tracking the league in 2010. While it’s true that Sjoberg, all 6-foot-7 of him, can be a stationary target at the back, there probably isn’t a center back in the league giving you more for less right now.

Worst

Kevin Doyle ($1.17 million): By all rights Doyle seems like a quality locker room guy, and he’s not a shabby player, either. Can’t help if Pablo Mastroeni shoehorns him into an uncomfortable role in the attacking midfield, can he? But let’s also be clear that Doyle’s value has been on a steady decline for seven years. He had a decent season in the EPL in 2011-12, and since then he’s been parrying injury and kicking around lower English leagues putting in decent but certainly not DP shifts. This deal smacked of desperation from a desperate team.

FC Dallas

Best

Fabian Castillo ($160,000): Fabian Castillo is making what? In February, FC Dallas triumphantly acknowledged it’d signed Castillo to a shiny new five-year deal, and the terms, typically, weren’t disclosed. So the mere idea that FCD managed to lock down arguably one of the league’s top five most exciting attacking players for $160K for five years? I don’t know who all did the bargaining on the FCD’s behalf, but my word. Somebody get Fernando Clavijo a raise. This is quite possibly the bargain of 2015.

Worst

David Texeira ($338,000): There are no real contractual albatrosses in Frisco. In fact, there are only three FCD players making more than $300K, and none more than $500K. Texeira’s is just about the weightiest salary figure for FCD, which should give you pause. This isn’t a horrible contract, but consider the cost for the reward. FCD is paying considerably less and gotten more since 2014 out of Tesho Akindele, and Blas Perez, at around the same price point, has 16 goals since the start of 2014. Texeira’s six in 1,367 minutes over the same frame isn’t bad. But worth this much? Not yet. Not close.

D.C. United

Best

Steve Birnbaum ($96,000): As far as rookie contracts go, $96K isn’t significantly low. But good players reward price-conscious contracts, and Birnbaum is probably worth twice this figure, if not more based on his performance above other center backs at $200K+ price points. The way D.C. plays tends to put a tremendous amount of pressure on the holding midfielders and the back line, since there’s typically little in the way of possession. Birnbaum, in the chances he’s been lobbed, has been largely outstanding. He’ll get more expensive.

Worst

Chris Pontius ($396,000): This is a painful point to make for most United fans, who’ve grown exceptionally fond of the attacking midfielder, who at his MLS best was a rampaging bullet train. That’s for good reason. Pontius is one of the league’s good guys, and a high quality player at a difficult position to fill. But his continual flirtation with devastating injury has clearly robbed him of confidence and form. Since his career year in 2012, Pontius has 1,300 minutes under his belt with three goals and an assist. In terms of value consciousness, this contract is tone deaf.

Houston Dynamo

Best

Erick Torres ($425,000): Torres is hardly making peanuts, but consider this for a moment: even after everything we saw him do at Chivas USA, Torres is making $20K less per year than Brad Davis. And he’s making almost half what 400-year-old DaMarcus Beasley earns. More words suddenly seem superfluous. Beyond the simple fact that Torres is one of the league’s best forwards, period, he’s also a PR dream for the Dynamo. A top, young Mexican player in an enormous market teeming with El Tri fans? There are players making two, three times this figure in MLS who don’t give you half as much as Torres.

Worst

DaMarcus Beasley ($813,333.33): No USMNT player benefited from the sliding national team scale more than Beasley. He’s a double whammy in that sense too, since he also occupies the hardest position to fill in the league. His bargaining power was high at the time of his signing, but his contract looks increasingly like a bleeding animal soiling Houston’s ability to get younger (and better). Beasley isn’t a bad player, and his wheels still have some tread, but to pay this much for a 33-year-old defender who’s been on the down-slope of his career for two years? A luxury nobody should need to afford.

Sporting KC

Best

Benny Feilhaber ($362,187.50): Certain positions tend to have their own internal pricing. Barcelona paid Liverpool €70m more for Luis Suarez than it did for Javier Mascherano. I can argue the latter is a more irreplaceable player, but he doesn’t score goals. Feilhaber is a true No. 10, a creative attacking midfielder in a league that doesn’t boast many, and that scarcity at a creative position tends to drive up the tag. So the fact that Feilhaber is making what he is while Valeri makes roughly $200K more tells you SKC is making out like robber barons on this deal. Those extra 50 cents were worth it.

Worst

Graham Zusi ($682,102.27): SKC certainly knows how to price contracts. It got both Matt Besler and Graham Zusi to sign under $700K/year at the height of their bargaining power around World Cup qualifying. Through that lens, there are far worse contracts in MLS than Zusi’s $682K, but not on this roster. Zusi’s value in the run of play has never been particularly high, but he’s become increasingly of use on dead balls and little else. A heavy price to pay to collapse an entire wing.

LA Galaxy

Best

Sebastian Lletget ($100,500.04): Nearly all of the headlines the Galaxy pull into their orbit involve Keane and Gerrard and Gio and Omar. But look at this: in 376 minutes, Lletget has four goals. That’s basically a goal every 90 minutes. Also consider he’s just 22 and now just the seventh player in MLS history under 23 to score four goals in his first seven matches in the league. All for a coin off Gerrard’s contract. Lletget isn’t the Galaxy’s best midfielder, even, but he’s certainly the best value. Maybe in the entire league, on form like this.

Worst

Steven Gerrard ($6.3 million): Let’s put down all the accoutrement packaged in with high profile DPs and consider this signing from a soccer standpoint for a minute. In his final days at Liverpool Gerrard was a man without a position, shuffling aimlessly between the 8/10 role of his youth to an uncomfortable 6 role his old-man legs suddenly demanded. Gerrard has tons of value in this league, but as a soccer player he’s worth half this, maybe. I can make the argument Sarvas was just as valuable for 1/10th of the price, but I don’t feel like ducking that many projectiles.

Montreal Impact

Best

Donny Toia ($60,000): Considering Montreal’s typical signing practices – low-end Homegrowns and mid-range foreign players – Toia’s contract is particularly impressive on Montreal’s end. The Impact snagged him in the dispersal draft, of all places, and he’s suddenly become one of the league’s steadiest everyday left backs. In most European leagues you tend you pay a premium for age the closer to 20 you get. Toia is 23, and without question the best value player at a scarce position in the entire league.

Worst

Kenny Cooper ($285,625): You have to feel for Kenny Cooper, by all accounts a fine gentleman with two 18-goal seasons in his rearview. But his bloated contract’s been moved around like an unwanted couch since he left the Red Bulls in 2012. Over the last two seasons Cooper, 30, has played fewer than 1,000 minutes and scored three goals. At this point in his career he’s a bench option, but his contract would have you believe he’s still 26 and putting in at least 7-10 goals per season. A lot of money to pay for a backup.

New England Revolution

Best

Lee Nguyen ($193,750): Best is a relative term here perhaps more than anywhere else. From the Revs’ perspective, paying an MLS MVP finalist – a No. 10, no less – fewer than $200K/year is a steal verging on a federal offense. Nguyen, however, agrees, which is part of the problem. Nguyen’s pay and market value are at ferocious odds with one another, which probably has something to do with his down year after putting the league to the torch in 2014. It’s nice the Revs have one of the league’s best players at this price point. But he deserves twice this figure, if not more.

Worst

Jermaine Jones ($3.05 million): This contract won’t surprise or shock anyone, a reaction bred from Jones’ USMNT experience, Bundesliga experience and a wayward envelope. And I don’t know if this surprises you or not, but Jones is 33. Look, Jones is a fine player and when he’s firing he’s a quality defensive midfielder. But he has very little tactical discipline, and his wasn’t exactly a position of need for the Revs in the first place. Jones’ contract isn’t a flailing albatross, but in terms of relative percentages he wouldn’t get this much money anywhere else.

New York Red Bulls

Best

Matt Miazga ($74,500): In another league, on another sliding scale, a player with Miazga’s upside would be commanding a considerable chunk of change to keep him rooted in place. We’re talking a U20 national team regular, a deadbolt lock for future U23 call-ups and unarguably one of the top three center back prospects in the entire YNT system. He can be petulant and rash, but he’s 19. If there’s a better U20 eligible center back in MLS currently snapping up first team minutes, you tell me. He won’t stay at this price point for long.

Worst

Ronald Zubar ($320,000): This may be a first in world history: a RBNY roster without a terrible contract. Who brought the ticker tape? Wright-Phillips is making less than $700K, Kljestan is making less than $550K, McCarty is criminally underpaid at $262K, and then there’s Zubar. The Red Bulls needed a center back, so they zealously overpaid for Zubar, a 29-year-old cardboard cutout who’s been on a down-slide since leaving Marseilles in 2009. Zubar’s a fine player, and he’ll work for the Red Bulls, but $320K is a steep price tag.

NYCFC

Best

Tommy McNamara ($71,500): The Mulleted Wondergenius. Feel free to use that, by the way – McNamara has a master’s in finance and a bachelor’s from Brown, so, you know, it fits. As for his play on the field, McNamara has been a revelation in MLS. He scored in his first ever MLS match last March before a season-ending injury undercut his rookie campaign a month later. The stampeding midfielder/forward hybrid looks like a hot rod on fire barreling down a quarter-mile track, but he produces. Three goals and an assist in your first 1,000 MLS minutes isn’t a bad way to be

Worst

Mix Diskerud ($750,000): I can’t make the claim that this is definitively the worst contract in MLS, but it sure as heck isn’t good. We’re four months into Mix’s debut MLS season and we still don’t know his position or, you know, whether he’s even an above average player. He tends to look like grandma’s ornate, decorative furniture in that unused Great Room at the back of the house. Everything looks the part, but it’s the direct opposite of functional and ultimately gets ignored. Mix certainly profited off the shadows cast by his time in Scandinavia, but there’s no question this salary figure isn’t close to being justified. Yet anyway.

Orlando City

Best

Darwin Ceren ($96,437.50): If Ceren isn’t the deal of the year, he’s in the top three. But he’s probably the deal of the year. For less than 100K, Orlando City has the league’s passes-per-game leader (69.9), its eighth-most accurate passer (88.1%) and its fourth-most prolific tackler (3.8 per game). As a defensive midfielder Ceren won’t get the adulation of some of his teammates, namely Kaka, but he’s deserving. Find me a player who gives you more for less at that position and I’ll give you a cookie. A really delicious cookie.

Worst

Brek Shea ($520,000): Shea is big and fast. So there’s that. After an epic flop in England, Shea retreated to MLS and was rewarded with an even bigger contract than when his MLS star was at its highest point. He’s at a weak position and, like Mix, he looks the part, so he was essentially paid on potential. The problem with that is that Shea has never shown any signs of fulfilling it, which makes a contract this weighty hard to take even if it isn’t hard to understand. Look at Ceren’s production relative to his position and then look at Shea’s relative to his. Tell me what you see.

Philadelphia Union

Best

C.J. Sapong ($142,000): Given the premium teams tend to pay for goalscorers, Philly’s ability to snap up Sapong for under $150K was a quality piece of business. But it’s looked even more prescient now that Sapong has found his bearings with the Union. In his last eight games, Sapong has five goals, rapidly making him one of the most prolific forwards in the league since May. Whether that pace livens or not, Sapong is already making good on a cut rate for a quality option up top.

Worst

Maurice Edu ($768,750): Upwards of $780K is a lot to pay for a middle-of-the-road holding midfielder. The Union criminally overpaid Edu for what it got in return, which is a player who is only occasionally switched on defensively and tends to drift in and out of the game’s flow. The reason we know he’s overpaid by league standards is by glimpsing around the league at other DMid contracts. Everybody on earth (I hope) would take Beckerman, McCarty, Johnson, Juninho et al over Edu. All make less, some significantly so. Edu’s comparable salary company: Ozzie Alonso and Roger Espinoza. Defense rests.

Portland Timbers

Best

Darlington Nagbe ($263,000): Say what you will about Nagbe’s in-and-out consistency in front of goal, but that belies a larger point: he’s arguably the most unique attacking player in the league, and he’s still 24. The fact that Nagbe doesn’t score a ton of goals is an important consideration in his salary negotiation, but it also misses the wider impact of his play, which tends to rip open holes in the attacking third for guys like Valeri. Teams tend to pay a mighty premium for attacking players with this much upside. Portland did not.

Worst

Fanendo Adi ($664,000): Look, Adi’s fine, but he’s not $664K fine. Adi requires a number of factors to play in his favor to be effective, namely either very good service or ping-pong ball in the box. He does score goals, which you credit him for, but look at it this way. Adi makes more than 100K more than Dom Dwyer, Cubo Torres and Kei Kamara and is priced comparably with Bradley Wright-Phillips, who scored 700 goals last season. Adi deserves to be paid more than your average MLS striker, but not this much. That said, this is hardly a terrible contract. Portland tends to sign well.

Real Salt Lake

Best

Joao Plata ($150,000): Let me get this out of the way first: Plata’s new contract was signed in December, before he suffered an injury that wiped out the first three months of his 2015 season. The diminutive playmaker, one of the most unique of his ilk in the league, was coming off a 13-goal, six-assist season and RSL managed to reel him in for just $150K. That’s a tremendous piece of business. Plata is still working back into form, but he has two assists in his last three games. It’s hard to watch him play and not fall in love with his game.

Worst

Luis Gil ($335,083.33): As much as it pains me to say, especially after his performance at the 2013 U20 World Cup, Gil may well have hit his ceiling by now. Gil was once a Chosen One, heir apparent to Javier Morales’ throne and next in line to climb the stairs to the USMNT. That seems a long way off now, especially considering his utter lack of production for RSL the past two seasons (2 goals, 3 assists in 2,551 minutes). Gil was paid on promise he doesn’t seem capable of realizing, and the worst part of the contract is it all hits against the cap. It’s just big enough to hurt and just small enough to avoid DP protection.

Seattle Sounders

Best

Marco Pappa ($75,000): When we last analyzed MLS’s books during the last salary dump in September, Pappa’s figure was probably the biggest surprise. Surely there was more, right? Pappa is one of the league’s best left midfielders, and he’s being paid like a Homegrown rookie. There may be more to this than meets the eye, but at least in our context here, $75K is $75K. Pappa is unbelievably underpaid for the service he provides. While he might not deserve DP money, think about the number of left-footed midfielders who give you as much as Pappa and then look at that guaranteed number again.

Worst

Troy Perkins ($136,662.50): The Sounders don’t have any truly awful contracts, and Perkins isn’t making crazy bank here. But consider he’s the backup to a keeper who needs no established understudy and this is a pretty penny to be dolling out with quality younger guys like Tyler Miller and Charlie Lyon on retainer, both of whom Sigi Schmid has publicly backed as the two best youth keepers he’s seen in Seattle. Also consider Frei, who’s quickly developed into a top five MLS keeper, is making just $30K more than his backup. Probably a sign of both under and overpayment.

San Jose Earthquakes

Best

Tommy Thompson ($145,000): You knew it was coming, but here we are. San Jose is arguably the least exciting team in the league, which is a product of past regimes and is certainly a product of Dom Kinnear’s current one. That makes Thompson’s $145K a bargain considering everything he brings, even if Kinnear doesn’t yet see it on a consistent basis. Thompson’s salary is high for a HG but low considering his upside and unique skill set, which makes this contract worth its weight if the over-the-hill Sanna Nyassi wasn’t pirating his minutes.

Worst

Steven Lenhart ($159,083.33): Any price is too high a price to pay for post-2012 Steven Lenhart.

Toronto FC

Best

Ashtone Morgan ($112,000): This is perhaps the most difficult team to analyze in this context, because TFC’s ledger is so unbelievably bloated. What’s fair value in a high-money vacuum, anyway? But Morgan’s contract stands out for reasons of consistency and quality. Morgan recently hit 100 matches with TFC, and the defender, while not necessarily All-Star quality, is good enough to still earn international call-ups. In truth, Morgan’s contract is a small moment of modesty amongst the spending binge.

Worst

Robbie Findley ($225,500): This could’ve easily been Gilberto, considering TFC pays $1 million-plus on his contract to be a second option behind Jozy Altidore. But Gilberto is on loan in Brazil, where Vasco is presumably helping pick up the tab this season. Findley, meanwhile, is derping his way through another season in Toronto with no relief in sight. Since joining TFC, Findley’s made 29 appearances and scored twice. That works out to about $112,750 per goal, which is incredible work if you can get it. Although the TFC front office might disagree.

Vancouver Whitecaps

Best

Kekuta Manneh ($113,875): Much like Nagbe, Manneh’s salary is kept down by numbers. The 20-year-old isn’t necessarily a volume scorer, and since he’ll likely never be a 15-goal-a-year guy, he has to compensate elsewhere. Lucky for him, Manneh is one of the most exciting players in the league, and you shouldn’t be surprised if MLS turns around and sells him to a club in Europe for big bucks. Even still, he does produce: he’s had at least four goals in each of his first three MLS seasons, and he’s already there 18 games into the season.

Worst

Pa Modou Kah ($170,000): How this guy is still kicking around first team soccer, I have no idea. He’s a walking red card, a flighty defender and always seems about three blinks from roundhouse kicking anyone and everyone in the face. Oh, and he’s 34. There are better value CB deals than this everywhere you look, making this contract look like desperately plugging a hole in the face of scouting and signing someone with actual upside. There’s also this, which… uh… right.