Lastoria tried to win the crowd back with an appeal to patriotism and pride in the military:

I would just ask everybody not to mix apples and pumpkins, ok? Let's do it that way. This institution right here has been around for over 240 years. I have transition in this uniform, various shades of it, under five presidents—all of it peacefully. You may have issues with the federal government. You may have issues with the administration. So be it. But this institution has been with you for over 240 years. Period.

Some in the crowd applauded, but not everyone was convinced. When Lastoria explicitly told one man that the exercise was "not a preparation for martial law," the skeptical Texan (who was holding a dictionary the size of a small child) replied: "That's what you say."

It appeared to be that April 27 meeting in Bastrop that persuaded Texas's rookie governor, Greg Abbott, that he had to step in. Did Abbott issue a statement reassuring his constituents that the federal government was not, in fact, laying the groundwork for a Texas takeover? No, he didn't. Abbott announced that he was directing the Texas State Guard to monitor the military exercise and ensure that Texans' “safety, constitutional rights, private property rights and civil liberties will not be infringed.” Amid a predictable backlash, the Republican governor on Monday said the state guard would merely be "a communication facilitator" and that he had "seen nothing to worry about what was going on."

Abbott's actions might just be a good example of responsive governance. Surely you can't criticize him for being out of touch with the people of his state. (The same goes for Ted Cruz, who told Bloomberg that his office had dutifully sought and received assurances from the Pentagon that Jade Helm was, in fact, just a benign exercise.) And some constituents applauded his move. "What’s under question are those who are pulling the strings at the top of Jade Helm 15 back in Washington," cheered Chuck Norris. "The U.S. government says, 'It’s just a training exercise.' But I’m not sure the term “just” has any reference to reality when the government uses it." (When Chuck Norris endorses conspiracy theories, they become real.)

Abbott joins other recent Lone Star leaders who have indulged the fantastical fears and whims of conspiracy-minded Texans. Remember the NAFTA Superhighway that Ron Paul said would lead to the creation of something called the "North American Union"? Or how about the time in 2009 when Rick Perry, Abbott's predecessor, suggested that Texas's secession from the union was not totally, completely, entirely out of the realm of possibility?

And now the federal government expects Texans to believe that the military wants to spend two months outside its capital city just for "training"?

Nice try. Texas patriots won't be fooled that easily.

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