SPOOKY RATCHET BITCH OF THE WOODS!!!

The Walking Dead’s fourth season premiered to 16.1 million viewers. That’s how many people were legitimately creeped out by the terrifying psycho Rick encountered in the woods: Spooky Clara – who looked as if she needed to be dipped in a tub full of bleach. It seems that Clara’s husband was in dire need of food, but she failed to mention that he’s a goddamn walker. However, before this revelation she actually had the audacity to ask if she could return to Rick’s camp. Excuse me – but have you ever seen yourself? You look like an extra from Thriller. Rick should have replied: “Girl bye”.

Rick has become much more open to the idea of trusting people, because let’s be honest – this bitch would’ve received a bullet in the head a long time ago. Maybe the purpose of her character was the same as Morgan’s – to show Rick what could happen to him if he hangs onto his demons. Although he seems to be in a much better place than he was last season, he still question’s the thought of bringing his gun. This makes absolutely no sense. The Governor is out there lurking around bro, you need to be strapped at all times.

Speaking of the Governor – I’m far from convinced that he’ done wit the prison. In fact, I bet he has at least one person working with him from the inside. There are a few things that seem a bit sketch: the introduction of Bob and the mysterious illness that killed Violet (the pig) and later in the episode, Patrick (Daryl’s little fanboy). Michonne is still obsessed with killing the Governor and has been on her own personal mission of vengeance. I don’t like the idea of her looking for him alone, assuming he still has Martinez and Kimbo Slice watching his back.

Daryl and Carol

These two are basically on some Bill and Hillary shit. They have both stepped up as leaders and Daryl is still modest as ever. It’s good to see power hasn’t corrupted him like it did Rick and the Governor. I’m actually not bored by seeing Carol on my television for a change. WHAT”S HAPPENING??? She’s really started to grow on me but I still think she’s expendable so I won’t get too attached. The most confusing part of the episode is when she refers to Daryl as Pookie. Carol – you’re drunk, go home.

The group decides to send a team on a supply run that doesn’t end well. When a pack of walkers start to fall from the ceiling, all hell breaks loose. Michonne’s massacre of a cardboard cut-out was epic. Bob nearly dies giving into temptation, but Beth’s boyfriend ultimately pays the price. I definitely don’t trust Bob yet, but something tells me he’ll be around for a while.

Like most premieres, this episode lefts us with more questions than answers. Is the virus mutating or is there other bullshit going on? Until I have reason to think otherwise, I’m going to assume that Bob is working with the Governor from the inside. He’s only been around the group for a week and I feel like he’s trying too hard to come off as a nice guy. Hopefully more people die next week.

I give this episode a score of 8/10. It was action-packed but still managed to set the season up in a great way. Shit is getting weird.

Other shit