Experience Description



My first NDE happened when I was about 5 or 6 years old. I was playing with my sister in a sand park in Paris. My sister was on top of a spider made of ropes. I was climbing the spider to join her. I suddenly felt weird and remember telling my sister that I wasn’t okay. I had a huge heartache and fell off the spider. I left my body. I don’t remember much about my first NDE. I do remember the feeling of unimaginable speed, being inside a tunnel, and seeing many pictures. I also recall no pain when I left my body. I came back to my body just as fast as I left it. I was so cold. When I opened my eyes, I came back. I had sand in my mouth. I told you about the situation of my first NDE because after that, I went back to that place quite often.



I will use “I went back” or “I went” or “go” because I am not sure how to describe this place without distorting or damaging it, because it is not a place. It’s not there, or down there, or up there. It is everywhere. It’s far and so close at the same time.



I remember telling my mother that every time I left, I died. But she was convinced that I had a health problem. She brought me to at least a dozen specialists. They never found anything wrong with me. Except the last specialist, who told me that I was just falling because of a disconnection of my vagus nerve. He explained that it is as if two cables were disconnecting and that was what made me lose consciousness. I believed the specialist and my mother. After all, what could I know about it at 12 years old?



I left another time after the diagnosis, but I remember it. I just know that I went back. Over time, I came to believe that my travels were only created by my imagination. Despite the fact that it seemed so real to me, all the memories of my travels slowly faded away. Only the memory of that tunnel and all those photos remained. I was immersed in the reality of this life, and felt that nothing happened, making my travels like a distant dream. I found myself trapped in a simple vision of life, locked in a very small world. These experiences were more of an escape for my imagination, my fantasy.



Several years later, when I was about 16 years old, I went back there. It was one night when I was with a few friends. We were all sitting in front of the TV. I was sitting on the sofa next to my boyfriend of this moment. We were watching a movie called “Fight Club”. The film was violent and during a combat scene, I started to feel bad. I immediately asked to stop the movie because I was not well. Everything around me became blurry, and the sounds became distant. I felt like I was leaving my body, and I knew that I was going back there. It was as if everything was coming back to me. But I was so afraid because I remembered the pain when I went there. And indeed, the same pain happened to me, as if my heart stopped beating. It was as if my heart was turning on itself, inside my chest. It is the most physical pain I have felt in my entire life, and every time it is the same. I looked at is as a price to pay to go there. I’ve always thought that the pain could be comparable to a heart attack, but I’m not sure.



After the pain, everything changed. I left my body and didn’t look back at my physical body because I didn’t want to. I looked only at the tunnel and at the light. I was drawn into that tunnel. I knew this place and everything about it. I had no more questions, no more fears, and no more anxiety. I felt only a relief and a peace that was permeating me. I was no longer afraid of pain or afraid of anything, because I remembered this place. I was rapidly riding into the tunnel.



The walls of this tunnel were as before, mainly covered with photos. I was physically in all the pictures, but I didn’t recognize myself in all of them. I remember stopping to take a closer look at one of these pictures. In the picture, I was with several people, sitting in the back of a red convertible, and driving in a sunny spot. There were five of us in the car, and we were all happy. We were laughing together. I didn’t recognize myself and the others, I just know it was me. With reflection, I have come to think that these photos could be images of my previous lives memories that are stored on the energetic fence of my soul. Analogous to if the tunnel represented the walls of my Soul and when I arrived there I was in a state of pure spirit.



Sitting on the red convertible, my physical body was totally different from the one I have today. That’s why the photo affected me that much and surely because it contained an important memory.



In the tunnel everything went so fast. But somehow, I had the time to see all the photos if I wanted to. There was no time. It was like time no longer existed and that it never existed. I feel that only in the non-physical state can a person understand this notion of “without time” or the non-existence of time because it seems impossible to describe it on Earth.



At the end of the tunnel, I found myself in a totally white place made of light. Nothing there was material, only the immense, white light. There was no end or beginning. It was like being inside an infinite sea of light, with gentle pink waves.



The light was not blinding and it was so beautiful. And above all, it was so warm. This white place was full of love, sweetness, warmth and peace. But I felt Love at its highest when three immense columns of light came in front of me. These columns of light were esoteric beings. I have never felt a love such as this one. The love that they have for me and that I have for them, is indescribable.



No one on Earth knows me more than they do and I know no one more than I know them. I am part of them as they are a part of myself. Even my sister, with who I am very close, and even my mother, seemed and still seem to me like strangers compared to the three of these Beings. I know there are many more of these Beings where I come from. They are my family. I cannot describe this love because, it can only be felt as it exceeds our understanding of love on earth. Nothing can be used to compare it. The love we have on Earth is not really love, it is rather an educational love to teach us what Love is. We destroy love, we condition it, we suppress it, and we change it, thinking we know what love is. But Love is everything, love does everything, and love must be understood. Love is totally misunderstood and Earth is a great school and opportunity to teach us about Love.



These three pure Beings spoke to me in a different language. They used my thoughts but it was different than thoughts. They reminded me that I had chosen to be incarnate on Earth and that I had to go back. I already knew that by being by their side, everything was coming back to me. They gave me so much love. I was at home and I badly wanted to stay. I didn’t want to leave, but I had to go back. That’s how it had to be. I remember laughing a lot with them. They understood me. They knew the difficulty of an incarnation, as well as I knew it before I incarnated on Earth.



I was so small compare to them. I didn’t see them entirely; they were too tall. It was like being at the foot of Hyperion, the highest tree of the world. Or it was like looking at a cloud that grew from the soil of Earth to rise up to the heavens. I didn’t see their faces, hands, or their legs. I don’t even know if they have any. They are light; love is light - I know that. A beautiful, pure column of light, that’s the only way I can describe them.



I know now, that the place where I met them was just a wonderful transition place. It was like a cross between several worlds and surely a cross between several universes. But I can tell you that even in this place of transition, no cravings exist, no fears, and no lacking for anything. I had everything. I was everything and I didn’t need anything. I knew it and I understood. Everything was simple, in its place. Everything was pure and unconditional love. There were no rules, and all decisions belonged to me. Nobody decided for me. These three beautiful Beings helped me get back to Earth.



I don’t know how long I was there for; it could have been a month was like a second, or a year like a day. It’s impossible to say.



So, I went back. I had to. I went down that tunnel and looked at the pictures. I can’t tell if they were the same pictures, but they were there. After the tunnel, I came into the living room and was on the ceiling. My physical body was lying on the couch and all my friends were around me. They were stressed while moving and touching my body.



When I returned to my body it was very difficult and I was in pain. It was a physical pain but also, a pain in my soul. I was choking, feeling uncomfortable and cold. The contrast was like being in a huge lake of pure, clear, and warm water, with this pure water becoming me, covering me with love, extending my being to the sky. Then suddenly, finding myself inside a small box open to a dark rainy sky, in a deserted cold street in town, where every drop of rain that fell on me, brought ice into every inch of my blood.



I opened my eyes. I wanted to cry and leave. I saw my friends above me. They were panicked, talking to me, moving and waiting for an answer from me. But I didn’t want to answer. I was upset as if it was their fault I had to come back. Of course, they had nothing to do with this. The upset feeling lasted only a few seconds.



During the next hour, I felt very tired and spoke very little. It was as if the effort of speaking weighed me down and my tongue felt heavy as iron. I just asked one question, 'How long I was gone for?' and Paul said, '40 or 50 seconds.' It was incredible; I felt like I was gone for 10 years!



These trips are the greatest experiences of my life. Nothing will reach the height of my feelings and emotions during these moments. I am sure that I have been there all the other times before the 'diagnosis.' Unfortunately, I have just a very few memories of my other travels.



It is difficult to adapt to Earth after coming back from a much higher and evolved place. I think I’ve never really adapted to this world; I live and try to do my best to complete why I’ve come for. Of course, I tried to escape this reality through ingesting drugs and alcohol. I experienced depression and a desire for death, but I would have never killed myself since I know how life is important and precious. I spent all those years waiting for the end of this life, wasting my time. I think my incarnation down here is more difficult than I thought, the loneliness is so heavy.



I started writing and I’m going to finish this book that I began writing three years ago. With my book I travel and I see different worlds and planets, places where I am sure I have been before. Some will surely tell me it’s all the fruit of my imagination, but to me, imagination is more than a fruit. Imagination creates and is real and powerful. It is a door to memories and places that only the unconscious sees.



I have not spoken about my NDE to my mother, my sister, or to my friends. It was only recently that I had a desire to communicate on this subject. I want to talk about it, share it, and stop my silence. But it is difficult for me to find an open mind with attentive ears for such stories. Only our testimonies of NDE can offer us a tiny answer, like a perfume among the fragrances of billions of flowers.



Background Information:



Gender: Female



Date NDE Occurred: The first one happened when I was 5 years old in 1992, and the last one during my 16 in 2003.



NDE Elements:



At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. There is no trigger and it happens without a reason. Just two times it happened when I had bumped my elbow against an armrest. Other: No diseases, no drugs. I was healthy.



How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant



Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I saw my friend above my physical body, speaking and touching me, they wanted to wake me up. I clearly left my body and existed outside it



How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. What we call being conscious here, is far from being so. We are not conscious on earth. We are deceived, blinded, and asleep. Only in this place, could I be aware of the being who I am. I am aware that my incarnation on Earth is only a passage in my existence. I know that the Creation is much bigger and more beautiful than we can imagine. Everything is Creation and love. I knew everything and understood everything. It was so simple. But I find it very difficult to have access to that same knowledge down here on Earth. I think this knowledge is stored in my unconscious. This knowledge can sometimes be heard in my words or read in my handwriting. But the more I think about it and try to understand it, the further I get it.



Treasures are asleep inside our beings. I often wonder why we do not know or do not remember, but at the same time I think the Creation is so intelligent and logical, that everything has a meaning.



At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When they arrived in front of me - the three columns of light, three magical beings, and members of my family.



Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast



Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning .There is no time; it no longer exists because it never existed. We can understand this notion of the non-existence of time, only a non-physical state. It seems impossible to describe it on Earth. Is it because of the illusion that bring the material? The density of the atmosphere we’re living in is so heavy and block our memories. It gives us the impression of a certain time between different moments and distances? I don’t know, or at least I don’t know no more.



Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid



Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. During my experience my sight was much more precise and clearer, I could see further and closer. I could see each picture that were in the walls of the tunnel, even going high speed. As if looking a high-speed passing by in front of me, standing at a train platform, and being able to see what every person is doing inside, sitting in their seat, at the windows. Except that I was moving at the speed of the train and it’s the train that was stopped.



Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. From my experience, the hearing is totally different there. The entities didn’t talk to me but I could hear them from inside of me. All the sounds were projected directly into my spirit, as if the sounds were not coming from outside but directly from inside. In that place of transit, that place of extreme whiteness made of pure light, there was like a sound of a low tone but that brought me lightness. A low sound that makes you light.



Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No



Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes The tunnel was made of light and its walls were covered by photos. I am on all the photos, I mean physically, but I don't recognize myself on all of them. I can watch them all, despite the intense speed I travelling with.



Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them



Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes They died and live a few times for sure.



Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin



Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Yes, a white light, warm, pure and wonderful. Light is love and it filled all the space.



Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Yes a place that I will describe as a transit place. White made by light. And there is much more than that. It is the place from where you can go into many different dimensions and universes. A white immensity.



What emotions did you feel during the experience? The most beautiful and purest emotions I have ever felt. Nothing on Earth can give me these same emotions. Love, joy, peace, Happiness, everything is felt as its extreme and even the extreme cannot tell you at what level these emotions are felt. Nothing negative, it just doesn’t exist where I was.



Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness



Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy



Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world



Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe That everything is Love and Creation. I knew everything, I understood everything. I had all the answers about life. I knew the why and the how. It was so simple. But it seems impossible and so difficult to have access to that same knowledge here, on Earth. It is like stored in our unconscious, those things that we know without knowing. I often wonder why I no longer know, why no one knows, but at the same time I think that creation is so intelligent and logical, that everything has a meaning.



Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events I saw different versions of myself in the photos in the tunnel. But I don't remember anymore, I just know that I saw myself, I can see myself seeing them again without being able to describe them too much except for the one with the red convertible.



Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from my personal future on the photos in the tunnel.



Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life I had to come back even if I didn’t want to. I decided to be incarnate on Earth, no one made the decision for me. I have to accomplish something. And it would have been a terrible waste if I hadn’t come back. Life is precious and must be respected. Nothing must be waste, otherwise it’s a waste for us and what is not done now, will have to be done after anyway.



God, Spiritual and Religion:



What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic As the majority of children of my age, I was doing catechism. I believed in something but without too any convictions really. I was doing it more because I had to do it, like my mother wanted.



Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I consulted several people to cleanse my energies, to help me make peace with the traumatic events of my childhood and to realign my chakras. That was for about 10 years. But I realized that it was more addictive than it solves the problem.



What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Agnostic I believe in something. I believe in Creation and Love, an incredible energy, very powerful, an energy that can light up universes. I believe in many universes and worlds. Love is a huge energy that connects everything, that is everything, that is us, the animals, the plants, the planets, everything, we are all ruled by love. It cannot be personalized as religions can personify a God. It is much more than that. I have troubles with the name “God”, it does not connect me at all to the energy of love, the source, the heart. To idolize, a person who most call God, seems to me wrong. It is not a person; it is much more than that. It is material, the immaterial, the light, it is a whole. Religions have a negative connotation for me. They bring only a thorn of explanation of the meaning of life; they lock up rather than open They are one story among many. And how many lies for one truth?



Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I can’t recall if I believed in something before, I was too young at the first one. But after my NDEs I became sure that many other things exist, for my part it is not a belief but a reality.



Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I opened my mind and have an eager to know more. But I wasted many years just killing the time. I only wanted to go back.



Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I have met three esoteric beings. I know them, they are me and I am them. They’re my family, but they’re not from Earth, they’re from somewhere else. I don’t know them from Earth, I know them from way back, back before this incarnation and back to many and many other incarnations. They are closer to me than any other person on Earth. The love I have for the people I care about on Earth is incomparable to the love I have for them.



Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them



Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes They are high, but whoever they are ... I cannot tell you if they are Jesus or Muhammad or Buddha …For me they are all messengers. No one is really important, and everyone is really important. But no matter how important what matters most is the Message. What is scary and what is happening is that people are more focused on person or the character than their messages. They interpret, judge, or distort the message judging or admiring the “Person”. Some even manipulate these messages and some others follow them. It’s just a race for power and money, to be the best, always in the competition. It’s such a shame, a waste of time and a waste of energy.



During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes Reincarnation is happening without a doubt. It is not my first life on Earth and I even had other lives on other planets.



During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Uncertain The Love



During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain Quelque chose existe, the love



Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:



During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes It’s inside of me. That knowledge is there, but I have difficulty accessing it, so it’s there without being there... kind of like me.



During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes The Creation and the evolution of the spirit. Like painting a canvas, you can choose to paint it with dark colors or light colors. Everything is a choice. When we die, we look at our canvas and if the colors are too dark then we come back to change the tones. With more experiences (which I will says with more lives) we will take more time and care more in the choices of colors for our canvas. The light colors require much more effort, because they are further away from us and to reach them they require efforts, while the dark colors are within reach.



But when we use the dark colors, there are consequences. Our painting became void. Somehow our painting can attract other people and those people will create the same tones that are inside our creation, our tones are contagious, like our thoughts. But it is still a creation, and the purpose of existence is creation.



By choosing light colors our canvas becomes more and more ample and full. But with dark colors it is more and more empty, without love. We have the choice to change, we are our own art gallery. Our choice, our own judgment, our free will.



During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists Yes Yes, the NDE experience itself proves that existence persists after earthly life. The physical body is material, our mind is energy. Death doesn’t change our energy it just takes away our bodies. I’m not from Earth and I’m not the only one. One life on Earth is just a flash of our existence, a photo among thousands.



Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No



During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Uncertain The difficulties are there to teach us, for our evolution. And we choose them.



During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Love is everything...love is what some call God... but it is Love it is not a person above the clouds who with his stick judges us one by one...it is much more than that. The love we know is far too small. The love I’m talking about is pure and magical. It knocks on the door of our hearts and makes them beats. It knocks on the walls of our souls, the house of our spirits, and light them up (the spirits). He is there always present…listen the knocks.



What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life I think my NDEs called me back... so they hung up on me. I think when we’re born we forget everything we really are.



Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No



After the NDE:



Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I am not sure how to describe this place without deforming or damaging it. The vocabulary and ways of communication we are using are far too poor to be able to describe there. It’s way beyond human comprehension. It’s not up there, it’s not down there, it’s not there, it’s everywhere. It’s far and so close at the same time. There are many, many other planets, other worlds, other universes.



How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. The memories of my last NDE are much clearer than the memories of the day it happened. And this I think because of the sensations that are attached to the experience and they are people very well known to my Spirit



Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I don’t know if it happened after or before, as the first NDE happened when I was around 4 years old. But I was very afraid to sleep at night, I couldn’t sleep alone. I think I saw the spirits blocked on Earth. I don’t see them anymore because I don’t want to see them, they scare me. However, I can feel them sometimes, or see objects moving.



Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Yes, the reunion with my family. I miss them terribly and sometimes I mourn their absence.



Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes One person 7 days ago. 16 years have passed by since my last NDE. This person has never lived an NDE. He listened to me but he judged. He told me that he had done a lot of researches on that subject and that it was just my brain playing tricks on me, by releasing substances that create hallucinations. Basically, I wasn’t going anywhere. I told him that the brain doesn’t work anymore and can’t reach us when we leave, the spirit is totally disconnected from any physicals. But he didn’t listen and made me cry.



After my tears, I decided it was time to talk about it no matter what people think. The one who judge and think they know, have never done a NDE. So what do they really know? It is unfortunate that some people think they have answers for experiences they have never had. We judge when we do not know, the judgment does not know, when it knows he does not judge.



Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No



What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. The experience was more real than the chair I’m sitting on, right now, as I write. But I also felt like a dream because of the beliefs the “diagnosis” put in my mind, I wasn’t sure.



What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. The experience is more real than the chair I’m sitting on right now as I write. I put them away for a number of years, but I always thought about it. They never left me. I just immersed them in silence, my silence. It seemed simpler that way. I never feel in my place, never totally happy or at peace.



At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Sometimes I can feel them close to me, I have moments of fullness and I see as hundreds of small stars shining all around me.