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--> A midday take on what's happening in politics and how to have a sense of humor about it.*

*Ha. Haha. Hahah. Sniff. Haha. Sniff. Ha--breaks down crying hysterically.

The Hill's 12:30 Report — Presented by USAA — Two Giuliani associates arrested on campaign finance charges | House committees subpoena associates | Trump turns to 2020 politics in impeachment defense | Ukrainian president says he'll 'happily' investigate interference | Trump heads to Minneapolis amid feud with mayor | NY Dem Lowey to retire | Gabbard may boycott next debate | Report on Ocasio-Cortez's haircut sparks controversy | Nats fans troll Bryce Harper after series win

NEWS OF THE MORNING

Two Giuliani associates were arrested:

Two associates for President Trump Donald John TrumpFederal prosecutor speaks out, says Barr 'has brought shame' on Justice Dept. Former Pence aide: White House staffers discussed Trump refusing to leave office Progressive group buys domain name of Trump's No. 1 Supreme Court pick MORE's personal lawyer Rudy Giuliani Rudy GiulianiThe Hill's Campaign Report: GOP set to ask SCOTUS to limit mail-in voting CIA found Putin 'probably directing' campaign against Biden: report Democrats fear Russia interference could spoil bid to retake Senate MORE who aided in investigation former Vice President Joe Biden Joe BidenFormer Pence aide: White House staffers discussed Trump refusing to leave office Progressive group buys domain name of Trump's No. 1 Supreme Court pick Bloomberg rolls out M ad buy to boost Biden in Florida MORE were arrested on campaign finance charges. http://bit.ly/2OHTGOR

Who was arrested: Florida businessmen Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman, both U.S. citizens born in Ukraine. "The two have donated to numerous Republican candidates and in 2018 gave $325,000 to a pro-Trump super PAC, America First Action. The charges allege that the two men participated in a straw donor scheme to funnel money to political candidates."

This is important: "It doesn't appear that the allegations are related to the controversy over Giuliani's work in Ukraine."

Where they were arrested: At Washington's Dulles airport last night.

Happening today: Fruman and Parnas will appear in federal court.

READ THE FEDERAL INDICTMENT:

http://bit.ly/2ID4f1u

Just now — a chat may be coming up:

House Democrats just subpoenaed Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman, the two Florida businessmen who worked with President Trump's personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani. http://bit.ly/33kGaV8

Happy Thursday to the Nats fans reading this! I'm Cate Martel with a quick recap of the morning and what's coming up. Send comments, story ideas and events for our radar to cmartel@thehill.com -- and follow along on Twitter @CateMartel and Facebook.

Did someone forward this to you? Want your own copy? Sign up here to receive The Hill's 12:30 Report in your inbox daily: http://bit.ly/2kjMNnn

LATEST WITH SYRIA

Remember their help in Normandy? YEAH ME NEITHER:

President Trump defended his decision to remove U.S. troops in northern Syria by criticizing the Kurds for not helping the United States during World War II. http://bit.ly/32561Ar

In Trump's words: "The Kurds are fighting for their land. And as somebody wrote in a very, very powerful article today, they didn't help us in the second World War, they didn't help us with Normandy as an example. They mentioned names of different battles. But they're there to help us with their land and that's a different thing."

Watch Trump's reasoning: http://bit.ly/2p84niV

The article Trump is referring to: Trump did not specify, but reporters on Twitter pointed to a Town Hall article by Kurt Schlichter that mentions Normandy. The article: http://bit.ly/31ZC84m

Trump then tweeted his commentary and added: "A different take!" http://bit.ly/2VsOn70

LATEST WITH THE IMPEACHMENT INQUIRY

*Cue Disney villain voice*

'It's always an election year. MwahahaHA':

Via The Hill's Morgan Chalfant and Brett Samuels, President Trump is using election-year politics as his defense for the impeachment strategy. http://bit.ly/2M6m9fz

How so: "The president has grasped at a number of political arguments to dismiss the legitimacy of the impeachment inquiry, attacking the lawmakers leading the effort, decrying the process as a 'coup' and accusing the anonymous whistleblower that helped spark the investigation of working with partisan aims."

One example: "The letter sent by the White House on Tuesday to Speaker Nancy Pelosi Nancy PelosiDemocratic senator to party: 'A little message discipline wouldn't kill us' Overnight Health Care: New wave of COVID-19 cases builds in US | Florida to lift all coronavirus restrictions on restaurants, bars | Trump stirs questions with 0 drug coupon plan Overnight Defense: Appeals court revives House lawsuit against military funding for border wall | Dems push for limits on transferring military gear to police | Lawmakers ask for IG probe into Pentagon's use of COVID-19 funds MORE (D-Calif.) amplifies many of Trump's own messages to counter the impeachment narrative, accusing Democrats of an 'illegitimate' and 'partisan' effort to overturn the results of the 2016 presidential election by investigating his contacts with Ukraine."



But there is also a risk to the strategy: "Experts cast skepticism on the White House's latest salvo in the back-and-forth with Congress, viewing it as centered more on political arguments than sound legal ones and warning that it could present new risks in the ongoing impeachment fight."

How this could play out: http://bit.ly/2M6m9fz

SPOTTED OUTSIDE THE WHITE HOUSE:

A man holding a sign reading, "Honk to thank the whistleblowers" Photo: http://bit.ly/2nxo03i

Another 2016 election interference investigation:

Via The Associated Press, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky told reporters that his government will "happily" open an investigation into whether Ukraine interfered in the 2016 U.S. presidential election. https://wapo.st/312Vm7R

On whether his country interfered: "We can't say yes or no," Zelensky told reporters.

IN CONGRESS

Another retirement:

Rep. Nita Lowey Nita Sue LoweyTop House Democrats call for watchdog probe into Pompeo's Jerusalem speech With Biden, advocates sense momentum for lifting abortion funding ban Progressives look to flex their muscle in next Congress after primary wins MORE (D-N.Y.), the most senior member of the powerful House Appropriations Committee, announced she will not seek re-election on Thursday. http://bit.ly/30XjybS

Keep in mind: Lowey, 82, was first elected to the House in 1988 (!)

ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL

Welcome. Stay a while:

President Trump is holding a campaign rally tonight in Minneapolis, where he is in an open feud with the city's mayor over the event's costs. http://bit.ly/2OBjKuX

Brief primer: Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey (D) said the president's campaign would owe the city $530,000 in expenses for the event. President Trump then threatened a lawsuit, accusing the mayor of extortion and attempts to restrict First Amendment rights of his supporters.

The full back and forth: http://bit.ly/2OBjKuX

LIVESTREAM OF TRUMP'S 8 P.M. CAMPAIGN RALLY:

Livestream: https://cs.pn/2q25jFV

But, but the show will still go on without her:

Presidential candidate Rep. Tulsi Gabbard Tulsi GabbardRepublicans call on DOJ to investigate Netflix over 'Cuties' film Hispanic Caucus campaign arm endorses slate of non-Hispanic candidates Gabbard says she 'was not invited to participate in any way' in Democratic convention MORE (D-Hawaii) is threatening to boycott next week's Democratic primary debate. http://bit.ly/313ZQLm

Why: She accused the Democratic National Committee of "rigging" the primary against outside contenders such as herself.

From Gabbard's campaign: "The 2016 Democratic Primary election was rigged by the DNC and their partners in the corporate media against Bernie Sanders Bernie SandersSirota reacts to report of harassment, doxing by Harris supporters Republicans not immune to the malady that hobbled Democrats The Hill's Morning Report - Sponsored by Facebook - Republicans lawmakers rebuke Trump on election MORE. In this 2020 election, the DNC and corporate media are rigging the election again, but this time against the American people in the early voting states of Iowa, New Hampshire, South Carolina, and Nevada."

THE TALK OF SOCIAL MEDIA

This piece is getting annihilated:

The Washington Times published a story about Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Alexandria Ocasio-CortezOn The Money: Anxious Democrats push for vote on COVID-19 aid | Pelosi, Mnuchin ready to restart talks | Weekly jobless claims increase | Senate treads close to shutdown deadline McCarthy says there will be a peaceful transition if Biden wins Anxious Democrats amp up pressure for vote on COVID-19 aid MORE's (D-N.Y.) haircut. http://bit.ly/2B1MWmQ

The $$ line: "The self-declared socialist, who regularly rails against the rich and complains about the cost of living inside the Beltway, spent nearly $300 on her hairdo at a pricey salon she frequents in downtown Washington, The Washington Times has learned."

Details of the haircut: "The New York Democrat ventured into Last Tangle Salon on 19th Street Northwest last month and shelled out $80 for a haircut and $180 for lowlights, according to sources familiar with the salon. A 20% tip would have added $52 to the bill."

Oh, and this line got some attention: "She could have saved roughly $100 for the same hairstyle at the government-subsidized Capitol Hill barbershop."

The Washington Times article: http://bit.ly/2B1MWmQ

A FEW REACTIONS ON TWITTER:

Lol: "The real public service journalism would be finding a DC salon where you can get a great cut and lowlights for less than $250, amirightladies." (From NPR's Susan Davis Susan Carol DavisThe Hill's Campaign Report: Minneapolis protests rock the nation Gloves come off as Democrats fight for House seat in California Warren announces slate of endorsements including Wendy Davis and Cornyn challenger Hegar MORE) http://bit.ly/2q2qBDl

This tweet has gotten a lot of traction:

"1) this would obvs never be a story about a man

2) this is not an expensive haircut/color for a public figure who is frequently on TV

3) if her hair was raggedy, that would be the lead story instead

4) "

(From author Jessica Valenti) http://bit.ly/33j6Jdu

TRENDING ON TWITTER IN THE UNITED STATES:

John Edwards, the former presidential candidate who became infamous for his $400 haircut in 2007. Tweets about Edwards: http://bit.ly/35huPap

Here is the New York Times story from 2007 if you want a fun throwback: https://nyti.ms/2OHG5XP

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NOTABLE TWEETS

How cute:

The White House Christmas ornament pays tribute to presidential helicopters. The inside of the box even has red markers to replicate landing on the White House lawn.



Notably, $LMT’s Sikorsky is sponsoring the ornament. pic.twitter.com/rsq8Nww1qo — Amanda Macias (@amanda_m_macias) October 3, 2019

This makes me uncomfortable:

Flip phone alert pic.twitter.com/4IdqJ3Opcv — Taylor Lorenz (@TaylorLorenz) October 10, 2019

Watch: http://bit.ly/2p88s6J

And here's another video of the flip phone in action: http://bit.ly/2M2QtHP

ON TAP

The House and Senate are out. President Trump and Vice President Pence are in Washington, D.C., but are both heading to Minneapolis for a campaign rally.

11:45 a.m. EDT: President Trump received an intelligence briefing.

2 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence and Karen Pence Karen Sue PenceTrump met with chants of protest as he pays respects to Ruth Bader Ginsburg How fast population growth made Arizona a swing state The Hill's 12:30 Report - Presented by Facebook - Biden, Pence elbow bump at NYC Sept. 11 ceremony MORE leave for Minneapolis

4 p.m. EDT: President Trump leaves for Minneapolis.

5:15 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence and Karen Pence visit Safety Signs, LLC.

7 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence meets with the Police Officers Federation of Minneapolis.

7:50 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence delivers remarks at President Trump's campaign rally.

12:35 a.m. EDT: President Trump lands at the White House.

WHAT TO WATCH

8 p.m. EDT: President Trump holds a campaign rally at the Target Center in Minneapolis. Livestream: https://cs.pn/2q25jFV

NOW FOR THE FUN STUFF...

Today is National Angel Food Cake Day.

Lol, Bryce Harper is trending in the D.C. area:

Former Washington Nationals star Bryce Harper, who now plays for the Philadelphia Phillies, was the subject of a lot of trolling tweets after his former team reached the National League Championship Series last night. http://bit.ly/2MtqsAv

Some of the tweets trolling him -- they're pretty funny: http://bit.ly/2OAOrjL

And because this video is pretty entertaining, here are dogs jumping rope. There is so much to unpack here: http://bit.ly/2p6wizE