Imagining a GlutenfreeSingles.com Date

I recently learned that there is a dating site called Glutenfree Singles.

GlutenfreeSingles is a dating, networking, and informative website where you never have to feel alone, awkward, or a burden because you are gluten-free. Our website is a welcoming place where people can find gluten-free dating partners, friends, and activity groups. Whether you have celiac disease, are gluten intolerant or choose to be gluten free for health reasons, we welcome you to GlutenfreeSingles, a website committed to building a national and global community for those who are gluten free.

This is how I imagine a series of dates.

Date 1

Michelle: It’s nice to meet you, George. As someone with celiac, I feel like it’ll be easier to date someone else who is also gluten free. The people from the site will be understanding of restaurant choices. I won’t have to worry, if they cook food for me, that traces of gluten from other foods prepared on the same surfaces would be mixed in. What made you join the website?

George: I’m trying to lose weight. I make sure everything I eat is organic, farm-to-table, and gluten free. Easy way to shed the pounds!

Michelle: You’re eating organic and gluten free to lose weight? How is that working for you?

George: Well, I haven’t lost anything so far, but that’s my fault. I haven’t been strict enough about it. Some of the meals I’ve been eating say “Made with organic ingredients,” which means they aren’t 100% organic!

Date 2

Michelle: How long have you been gluten free?

Jamal: A few months. My stomach feels better after cutting out gluten.

Michelle: Have you ever been to a doctor about this? She can test to see if you have celiac. It’s possible that you might be sensitive to FODMAPs, not gluten, and getting a test would rule out…

Jamal: Oh no, I only see my naturopath. I don’t trust Big Pharma.

Date 3

John: Whoa, you’re drinking diet soda? You know that artificial sweetener stuff is toxic – just like gluten! How can you cut out gluten but drink chemicals?!

Michelle: Gluten isn’t toxic. I have celiac disease. It’s perfectly fine for people without an allergy or autoimmune disorder to gluten.

John: Oh, no, man. It’s just that your body is more aware. If your body is rejecting it, it can’t be good for anyone.

Michelle: By that logic, then no one should have cats because lots of people I know are very much allergic to them.

John: You hate cats? This won’t work, man. I don’t dig your negative energy.

Michelle: Good night.

Michelle deactivates her Glutenfree Singles account and joins OK Cupid. She eventually finds a great man with whom she has much in common and they totally click. He isn’t gluten free, but he is empathetic and understands her health issue. By this time, 2 out of her 3 GFS dates went back to eating gluten and have since gone on heavy metal cleanses.