I pee-ed myself when I read Marvel’s December solicitations. It was very happy excited pee; I geeked out so hard I lost control of my bladder. My nerd spasm is courtesy of Marvel announcing the return of The Amazing Spider-Man series starring the real, official, original, not-brain kidnapped PETER PARKER baby!

To make the move even more awesome, they are returning to the original numbering of the book. The issues are to be released with the issue numbers 700.1, 700.2, 700.3, 700.4, and 700.5. OMG, Marvel is actually putting out a comic with an issue number higher than the age I was when I had my first kiss (yeah, I said OMG- my niece taught me how to talk hip).

I have been one of the biggest whiners about the entire Doc Ock run on Superior Spider-Man. I even gave up showering until Dan Slott brought Peter back! Dan Slott personally knew of my suffering and ignored my plight. But finally, he is listening (or he finally smelled my stink).

I was just about to end my shower-fast and call a truce with Dan Slott, when I realize IT IS A DANG FLASHBACK!!!

PETER PARKER in NOT returning anytime soon! I am sure of this. Not only is Superior Spider-Man still in the solicitations, I realized that these issues are the previously announced Peter Parker:Spider-Man miniseries in disguise. Months ago, Marvel announced a flashback mini-series by Rambo’s creator David Morrell which would be released in October. The mini was set to include stories by Klaus Janson, and Joe Casey also. These are the same writers as the new Amazing Spidey issues dangit. They just added a few more stories into the mix and found a way to market it as five dang issues! UGgggggggggggggghhhhh, my anger is taking over. JAY SMASH PUNY MARVEL!

Here is what Superior Spider-Ock editor Steve Wacker wrote to a fan in a recent issue of Superior Spider-Man:

Oy, I feel sick. The shower boycott continues! Until Dan Slott brings Parker back I will no longer shower or brush my teeth. Eventually you will smell it Dan! Eventually you will suffer!

Here are the dang solicitations:

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #700.1 & #700. 2

DAVID MORRELL (w) • KLAUS JANSON (a)

Covers by PASQUAL FERRY

Variant Covers by KLAUS JANSON

• One year after his death at the hands of the Superior Spider-Man – PETER PARKER IS BACK!

• Acclaimed novelist David Morrell (First Blood) and legendary comics icon Klaus Janson (DAREDEVIL: END OF DAYS) team up to kick off this celebration of the world’s greatest super hero!

• With a blizzard crippling New York City, Spider-Man must protect the city – but Aunt May’s life is in danger!

40 PGS. (EACH)/Rated T …$3.99 (EACH)

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #700.3 & #700.4

JOE CASEY, JEN VAN METER & CLAY CHAPMAN (W)

TIM GREEN, EMMA RIOS & JAVIER RODRIGUEZ (a)

Covers by PASQUAL FERRY

#700.3 VARIANT COVER BY JOHN TYLER CHRISTOPHER

#700.4 VARIANT COVER BY MIRCO PIERFEDERICI

• Continuing the special celebration of THE ORIGINAL SPIDER-MAN from Man of Action’s Joe Casey & Tim Green (AVENGERS ACADEMY)!

• What is the Black Lodge? And how has Spider-Man been trapped there, surrounded by his deadliest foes? Then, the Black Cat and Spider-Man team-up to bust an international art thievery ring in CAT & MOUSE by Jen Van Meter (CAPTAIN MARVEL) and Emma Rios (AMAZING SPIDER-MAN).

• Finally, a young boy must learn he can’t rely on super heroes like Spider-Man to stand up against bullies in 12 O’CLOCK HIGH by Clay Chapman (AVENGERS: EARTH’S MIGHTIEST HEROES) and Javier Rodriguez (DAREDEVIL).40 PGS. (EACH)/Rated T …$3.99 (EACH)

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #700.5

BRIAN REED & KEVIN GRIEVIOUX (W)

SEAN CHEN & LEE WEEKS (a)

Cover by PASQUAL FERRY

Variant COVER BY IN-HYUK LEE

• Peter Parker and Johnny Storm must stop an apocalyptic future by fighting – the Fantastic Four?! By Brian Reed (MS. MARVEL) and Sean Chen (AVENGERS)!

• Then, a young child risks his life to save Spider-Man’s in the emotional WHAT WOULD SPIDER-MAN DO? By Kevin Grievioux (NEW WARRIORS) and Lee Weeks (AMAZING SPIDER-MAN)!

40 PGS./Rated T …$3.99

Source: Bleeding Cool, Comic Book Resources

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