There are several different rum ham recipes created by the fan base of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, but did you know that Frank released his own official rum ham recipe? You can find it in the book written by the Gang themselves, The 7 Secrets of Awakening the Highly Effective Four-Hour Giant, Today.

Frank starts off by stating, “I used to buy my hams prerummed, but that was before I realized I could make my own quickly, easily, and just about anywhere.”

Rum Ham Ingredients

1 10-pound canned ham

1 hunting knife

3 1-liter bottles of rum

1 handgun

1 box handgun ammo

1 bunch of italian parsley

Frank advises to get some cheap rum for this recipe, as for it’s going to be cooked into the ham and you shouldn’t be able to taste it afterward, otherwise “you did the rumming wrong”. He also advises that by saving money buying the cheap rum you can buy some condoms with it. He recommends getting an Irish ham because “those crafty micks brine that pink gold to perfection”.

And as for the gun, Frank prefers a Smith & Wesson Model 19 snub-nose.

Directions for making a Rum Ham

De-can ham (for instructions, see back of can). Using the hunting knife, carve a hole in the top of the ham wide enough to hold the mouth of a rum bottle. Open first rum bottle and upend it into your ham hole. If you made your hole deep enough, it should stand up there on it’s own. Load gun. Open second rum bottle and upend it into your ham hole (the one in your face this time). As the liquid flows into your mouth, swallow at regular intervals. Repeat step five until bottle is empty. Open third bottle of rum and repeat step six. Remove safety from handgun. Wait for ham pirates. Shoot ham pirates. Reload gun. Repeat steps eight through eleven until rum has been fully absorbed into ham, usually about twelve hours. Garnish with parsley and serve.

Personally, I don’t think I have the balls to follow this recipe. But for those of you who yearn to be as badass as Frank, this recipe is perfect for you.

You may also want to try our milk steak with jelly beans recipe!