It's the middle of the night and my roommate decide to prank me and put a whole bunch of forks under my blanket knowing I jump into bed as well as sleep in the nude.

Anyway, I jump in, and a searing pain comes over me. A fork was jammed in my thigh but even worse, one tore open my scrotum and my testicles leaked out.

i put them back in and taped them together after taking some morphine (stole some from my sick mom! hellz yeah) im a tad loopy right now but the pain is gone the only problem is there is blood everywhere and my roommate refuses to take me to the hospital. i decided to put them in icewater but that just made the tape not sticky so my testicles kept falling out of their sack.

i can see the vas deferens, this aint right.

suggestions??