The world has been on a steady course of devolution in the last year. Push notifications from major news outlets now act as harbingers of dread, heralding misery’s triumph over all that once seemed right with our planet. Our nation has seen fit to elect a mongrel to office which already presents its own set of challenges, but now our idols are being outed as members of the same dirty club. Thankfully, the vicious shift in public opinion for perpetrators serve as silver linings that the nation’s principles remain steadfast in the preservation of virtue. Harvey Weinstein’s ousting was an all too obvious conclusion for the individual who served as blueprint of the skeevy Hollywood executive. Spacey was unexpected but ultimately easy to let go of considering the maliciousness of his offense. The recent revelations concerning Louis CK however were a little more difficult to swallow. For the first time since these stories began showing up I experienced internal dissonance.

As the story broke I found myself performing the sort of high-flying mental acrobatics usually reserved for members of congress in a meager attempt to save him face. The allegations flew in the face of what I had thought he stood for. The comedy was always rooted in acknowledging the sicker aspects of the male libido but was anchored with the implication that he knew better. I thought he regularly cast himself as the bad guy because it was meant to teach us something; Now we know it was a confession. The realization crashed over me in violent waves of nausea. That which was prompting the excavation of excuses was the same pernicious force which gave him the impression that whipping out his willy was something he could get away with or explain without suffering consequence. Different levels of severity, but equal in its dilution of the point. I was for a moment eager to seek out amnesty for a deviant because he made a good TV show and was also bald. Why wasn’t I immediately struck with crippling empathy for his victims? Where was my outrage at the person who was responsible for the betrayal?

My feelings of disillusionment are wholly insignificant. What’s worrisome is that even people who consider themselves progressive thinkers can still fall victim to the toxicity of the current culture. Many question the point of discussing these matters with their already “enlightened” friends. Instances such as these shine a light on the significance. None of us are innocent. I myself regrettably touted the Nice Guy ™ banner in high school and early college days before a similar epiphany set on a long journey of self-reflection. This isn’t to say we’re all creeps but it does highlight the importance of honest communication with ourselves and our peers to eradicate the subtle, unhealthy patterns in our behavior. Men will never be able to fully rise to the occasion of being allies unless we take inventory of what residue remains of the false narrative we were discreetly fed during our upbringing. I distinctly remember being told once by an older relative that women needed to be “conquered” after I asked them for dating advice; Tell me that doesn’t send a scary message. It’s an uphill battle: We’re punishing past offenses, doing our best to curtail contemporary crack ups, and laying the foundation for true prevention which lies in educating those who are set to lead the world after us.

My son is four months old. Raising a little one in the Trump era was a cruddy prospect but over time my wife and I came to see it more as a call to action. We can’t dedicate our days schooling every cat-caller in Manhattan but we can raise a young man who is free of deep rooted corruption. It’s up to us to be the voice of clarity most young men don’t have and point out the flawed logic that will undoubtedly find him by way of media and uneducated advice. We want him to have the foresight to pick who he admires with discretion and prioritize what is right above stature and celebrity; Especially when the pool of viable role models shrinks with each passing day. Building a new human is a riveting task and what luck that I get to learn alongside him and fill in the cracks left behind by a world that had no problem forsaking the thoughts and feelings of half its population. With any luck he’ll set the same example for his peers and move humanity that much closer towards ideal.

There aren’t any easy answers and the dialogue is taking a while to open up. Men are having a bitch of a time admitting their wrongdoings no matter how vital it is to progress. All that means is that those of us with the wherewithal to take candid looks in the mirror have to be the ones to lead the charge. Not by force, but by example.