The story I am trying to tell in this track is not done ... I wanted to continue with the melody and harmony and bring it all together but I never to the chance because of my mental illness. But that is okay. See my creativity and my mental illness are the same thing. I can not have one without the other. I can only acknowledge my limitations and accept them and focus on my strengths. And maybe one day I will be able to work around my limitations in such a way that I can finish a trance track every month, upload it to my soundcloud, post it on yours.org and reddit and kain.tweakblogs.net. Maybe make some Bitcoin Cash so I can save up towards my own studio. That is the life I want. And I am going to do my best to work towards it.

And so around that time in 2016 I got inspired to make a trance track about wildfires. So I got behind the piano and I composed this. While I was composing it I could see the smoke from Fort McMurray .. and I live in Red Deer, 800 km away!

The plan was to compose something that sounds really eerie and than use it as audio for one of these wildfire escape videos.

(tip, sync the video up with the end result of my track and see how that makes you feel) So I opened up my FL Studio and I got to work. This was my first draft:

Sounds eerie right? Do you hear those horns come in at 2 minutes? But still I was not satisfied. I like the beginning but then I got stuck and also the drums are not very good. I needed something better and I wanted to start with horns in the beginning of the track. Horns have always been used for signals in ancient times. The feeling you get when you listen to somebody blowing on one of those ram horns ... can be quite ... eerie and you go like: hmmm why is somebody close by blowing so hard on this horn ... something is going on! So I started over from scratch and I made one of the best intros for a trance track I ever made!

But wait that is like a completely different song now! I needed to integrate the piano that I composed in to this song so I made a version that features my original wildfire piano composition. And then we had this.

Do you hear the famous burning piano from Omnisphere? Those fire crackles in the beginning are from that recording

Now I was getting excited! I had the eerie horns, I had the crackles and noises that a fire makes. I had a trance buildup with some bass in it and I had integrated my piano composition, because in that composition you can find my feelings about a scary wildfire and the adrenaline that goes trough your body when you try to escape from it in a car. That's why I wanted it to have a beat. Trance is around 140 beats per minute ... I wonder how high your heartbeat would go when you have to escape from a wildfire and might never see your house again in a non burned state. But now I was stuck with my track again. I had a kickass intro (but it still needed to be mixed and mastered and pumped up a little bit louder)

Unfortunately disaster struck ... I got another psychotic episode and for the 3th or 4th time in my life I did something that I will regret forever. I gave away my laptop with 3 years of work on it to a random person on the street. When I did it, it made sense but when your brain stops working properly you think that something makes sense but in reality ... you are loosing touch with reality.

See I have been making music on my computer since I was 15 years old. I am 32 now and I still struggle with finishing projects. I find it hard to really push hard and keep grinding and to not give up until I have the music I dream about. So with this wildfire project I made a break through. In stead of just publishing an unfinished draft like I usually do, I pushed and pushed and pushed. I think that at this point I had put in 200 hours of work. Now an experienced trance producer might only need 50 hours for a track like this but I am still learning. I also had a friend with a studio who was going to allow me to mix and master using his equipment for free. This was great! I was going to finish this track and actually get it to the mixing and mastering stage! I never get my tracks to that stage, I always give up way before ... Before I gave my laptop away I had worked on different sections of the track and I had made a lot of mp3 renders. Those renders I had uploaded to my webmail so all was not lost. About a 1 year after my psychotic episode I was back home and had a new laptop and I opened FL Studio and took all these mp3 renders and started cutting and pasting. And this is what I made

So we have the intro and I am happy with the intro, till about 1.51. Then we have a bridge towards the main piano them. So far so good. It's not perfect but then again, I only had different mp3 drafts to work with. Then there is another horn at 2:34 and now I am harmonizing the main piano theme with the synth. I really like how this harmonizes. I bring in the beat and we are in a trance track! Then at 3:36 you can hear it cuts to another mp3. That was never the original plan but I really like what happens at 3:50. When I hear this and close my eyes I see a house surrounded by fire. The fire is moving in on it. But there are a bunch of kids around the house holding hands and with their c o mbined powers they stop the fire from burning down their beloved home. At 3:50 is when these kids all start dancing because they won the fight. If I would have the means to finish this track and make a video clip that is the video clip I would make.

The story I am trying to tell in this track is not done ... I wanted to continue with the melody and harmony and bring it all together but I never to the chance because of my mental illness. But that is okay. See my creativity and my mental illness are the same thing. I can not have one without the other. I can only acknowledge my limitations and accept them and focus on my strengts. And maybe one day I will be able to work around my limitations in such a way that I can finish a trance track every month, upload it to my soundcloud, post it on yours.org and reddit and kain.tweakblogs.net. Maybe make some Bitcoin Cash so I can save up towards my own studio. That is the life I want. And I am going to do my best to work towards it.

I never got to finish this trance track like I wanted to but maybe it was suppose to be like that. Maybe there is a wildfire of the mind as well ... that does damage and destroys, but in a different way then an physical wildfire. In the end whether a real fire destroyed my music or a fire in my head did ... it's really the same thing. Therefore maybe this wildfire track is now more genuine then if I finished the whole thing. My mental wildfire tried to burn my wildfire track and it did ... but not all of value was lost.

Thank you for your time and until next time. My name is Kain_niak.

Kai and iaK are my headphones. and this is me ---> n_n











