Controversial: Michael Leunig created a cartoon about a fund-raising menu and the Opposition Leader, Tony Abbott. Credit:Alex Ellinghausen

I am gutted by these cruel slurs and demand that everyone who has so grievously insulted me should publicly and tearfully apologise - and resign or be stood down or sacked from their job and be ordered into counselling.

Readers, it has all gone crazy; and to make matters worse there are some who are trying to spread the pernicious, infantile idea that this nation is engaged in a federal election. Well, hello people, it's time for a serious reality check.

This is not an election, this is a man-woman shitfight - and anyone who tries to trivialise this crucial reality with distractions like environmental disasters, wars, human rights abuses or refugee children in detention etc is being grossly irresponsible and I suggest we take a zero tolerance approach to this ignorant behaviour; it is a tragedy of biblical proportions.

Certainly this important Australian gender brawl includes a bit of gay mardi gras and the dance of Kevin thrown in (Kevin does a wonderful tarantella, which as we know is a frenzied dance you do when bitten by a spider), but essentially the main game is a good old Aussie domestic row and all I was doing was joining in the fracas and putting in the boot. Kick where you see a head is my motto - a wise motto that should indeed be emblazoned across the entrance to Parliament House.