New York is a subway town. New York is a reading town. So naturally it’s a subway-reading town. And there are few things New Yorkers of a certain stripe enjoy more than evaluating/dissecting/celebrating what other people are reading on the subway.

Which leads us to the “Fifty Shades of Grey” phenomenon.

A number of startling figures have come out in recent days about “Fifty Shades of Grey”: for example, some estimates claim that the author, E. L. James, is making roughly $1.5 million a week. Or that, according to a Random House publicist, the three books in the trilogy recently sold nearly twice as many copies in one week on Amazon as the next 1,000 fiction paperbacks combined.

So a lot of people are reading “Fifty Shades.” Noted.

This being New York, that means a lot of people are also reading it on the subway. Not on e-readers, mind you — who knows what people are reading on e-readers — but paperback copies. Out in the open. “Mommy porn.” Loud and proud. Fifty Shades of Check Me Out Reading “Fifty Shades of Grey.”



And these readers are mostly, though apparently not exclusively, women.

All of which led me to ask this question recently (well, earlier today — ladies and gentlemen, the Internet!) on Twitter: Seeing a grown woman on the subway reading “Fifty Shades of Grey” is like seeing a grown man on the subway reading [BLANK].

Others have explored this question before; the Dr. Gridlock column in The Washington Post recently asked readers about their most embarrassing commuter-reading experiences, prompted by the popularity of “Fifty Shades,” and they responded, e.g., “I got some funny looks (and some looks that weren’t funny at all) while reading ‘Mein Kampf’ on the train.”

But I asked this question because I’ve long been intrigued by the particular etiquette of New York subway reading: Lots of people, for example, seem to read, at least in part, to impress. (Yes, I’m sure you JUST CAN’T PUT DOWN that copy of “Moby-Dick” you’re devouring.) (I’m kidding; “Moby-Dick” is awesome.) (Though kind-of clunky for the subway.)

I have also heard, anecdotally, that any public reading of “Blood Meridian” by Cormac McCarthy by a human female is a guaranteed L-train conversation starter, assuming you prefer to meet new men over discussions regarding the legacy of rapacious genocide in the Old West.

But what about the other way around? For many daily commuters, the subway is the one reliable place to get your reading done. Yet there are times when you can’t help but be conscious of the less-than-favorable impression your reading material is making on your fellow riders — as when I read this exquisitely jacketed midcareer autobiography by Kelsey Grammer on the subway (it was for research, I swear). I will also admit that just recently I felt a not-insignificant amount of self-consciousness-bordering-on-shame while reading this (highly recommended!) article in this issue of GQ. (It really was an excellent article. By Wells Tower! Very respectable writer!)

Without further ado, here are some of the suggested male-centric equivalencies to reading “Fifty Shades” on the subway that were kindly offered to me on Twitter (please note: the following links are to the tweets in question, not the publications themselves) (except the GQ one): Playboy. Maxim. “ The Game.” Penthouse Forum. This issue of GQ. (Whoops.) And from our own Samantha Henig, Nicholson Baker’s “House of Holes.” There were also, weirdly, a few votes for, simply, “Hemingway” — though it was unclear whether these were meant to qualify as Creepy Things Dudes Read on the Subway or Things Creepy Dudes Read on the Subway, a subtle but crucial distinction.

Most interesting, though, is that only maybe a third of the respondents focused on the erotic-titillation element of “Fifty Shades.” Many more were horrified by its just plain badness — suggesting presumably embarrassing equivalents like Tom Clancy, Steig Larsson, and even (the apparently humiliatingly sophomoric) “On the Road.”

CONCLUSION: New York subway readers are not prudes. But, oh, boy, we are really, truly snobs.

What is the creepiest thing you’ve ever seen someone reading in public? What’s the weirdest/creepiest/most embarrassing thing you’ve read in public on the subway? And are you more likely to judge your fellow commuters’ morals or their taste?