Donald Rumsfeld is the former Bush-administration Secretary of Defense who approved the use of torture on prisoners and was integral in creating the environment necessary to push the US into the war on Iraq. A spokesperson for the UN suggested he be tried for war crimes.

And now he’s doing the publicity rounds for his new book, which includes never-before-seen documents that he’s okay with you seeing (don’t worry, the Internet has gathered the documents he doesn’t want you to see). Last week he called into the Opie and Anthony Sirius/XM show while genius comedian Louis CK happened to be on. Amidst Opie and/or Anthony’s (who can tell the difference) relentless ass-kissing, Louis offered the only confrontational questioning to be found in the interview. Audio, partial transcript and more after the jump!

LOUIS CK: Are you a lizard person?

DONALD RUMSFELD: [anecdote about someone paying for his dinner at a restaurant] LOUIS CK: But you didn’t answer the question.

OPIE AND/OR ANTHONY: He’s not going to dignify an answer to that

LOUIS CK: Why not? . . . There is plenty of evidence that this guy is a well-decorated and appreciated American . . .

OPIE AND/OR ANTHONY: . . . a patriot . . .

LOUIS CK: . . . and he has more credibility than anyone . . .

OPIE AND/OR ANTHONY: . . . exactly . . .

LOUIS CK: . . . but I just want to know if he’s a lizard.

You may not realize that Louis is actually correct – not that Rumsfeld is a lizard person, but that there are people who really believe that the world is controlled by a cabal of lizard aliens who can disguise themselves in human form.

The biggest proponent of this “theory” is David Icke, a British broadcaster who sincerely believes in the lizard people despite decades of public mockery and condemnation from Jewish groups who believe that when he says “lizard” he really means “Jew.” My good friend Jon Ronson made a documentary about Icke called The Lizards and the Jews, which happily you can watch in full:

And to end, a few more choice bits from Louis CK interview:

LOUIS CK: . . . and these are great questions and they’re questions that Mr. Rumsfeld can answer better than anyone in the world, but I still want to know if he’s a lizard, and if he’s tasted human flesh. I just want to know! . . . If he’s a lizard who has eaten people . . . it will stop the second I get a denial.

DONALD RUMSFELD: Tell Louie my grandchildren are listening.

LOUIS CK: They have a right to know, too!

. . .

LOUIS CK: What would be hurt by denying that you’re a lizard? That is fascinating to me that saying “I am not a lizard” might be dangerous. I want to know how would it hurt your credibility?