Give a voice to the voiceless!

The thought of a Ted Cruz presidency have you a little worried? Are you gays putting some what-if contingency plans in place should things go a bit more Alabama and a little less California for us here in the USA?

Well, consider moving to what I’m guessing is the only actual gay and lesbian homeland out there, the Gay and Lesbian Kingdom of the Coral Sea Islands, or the good old GLKCSI, I guess, to natives.

According the nation’s snazzy website (which I’m guessing hasn’t been updated since independence day. Also, every nation’s webpage should have an “About us” section), the kingdom declared its independence from Australia in 2004 and boasts being the “smallest kingdom in the world.”

Though having been around for more than 10 years and I’m just hearing about it, I would like to talk to the kingdom about its marketing plan, though it did come up with its own declaration of independence. It states that homosexual people have honestly endeavoured everywhere to merge ourselves in the social life of surrounding communities and to be treated equally. We are not permitted to do so. In vain we are loyal patriots, our loyalty in some places running to extremes; in vain do we make the same sacrifices of life and property as our fellow citizens; in vain do we strive to increase the fame of our native land in science and art, or her wealth by trade and commerce. In countries where we have lived for centuries, we are still cried down as strangers … In the world as it is now and for an indefinite period … I think we shall not be left in peace.

The national anthem is, not kidding, this. Apparently, there are no laws against being unoriginal. And while there the kingdom has declared itself neutral, according to its website, “it does however have a small army of gay activist located around the world it can call on in times of emergency.”

You may be asking yourself, is the GLKCSI a real nation? Well, no not really. It was founded on a group of uninhabited islets (the gay word for island, I’m guessing) that belongs to Australia. It was founded more or less as a protest to the Australian government’s opposition to same-sex marriage under the conservative John Howard administration. Could Australia put a stop to it any time? Sure. But it’d have to mobilize, and the Coral Sea is “all the way over there,” according to my contact at the Australian Embassy. But never mind all that legality, it did make Google’s map of micronations, so that’s something.

But the idea of a homeland for gays is an enticing one. Makes you think about what sort of edicts you would issue. Like, restaurants in Gay-onia wouldn’t freak out when you try to pay with more than six cards. Or gay bars by law couldn’t be invaded by scores of screeching girls celebrating a bachelorette party (“No, I won’t kiss you. Nice penis hat though.”). Those sorts of laws are, of course, besides those establishing equality in all things. Those, of course, are understood.

Brock Thompson is a contributing journalist for TheBlot Magazine.

Give a voice to the voiceless!