The election season has predictably driven broad and necessary conversations around jobs growth, with much of the dialogue focusing on the Obama-era economy and wage disparity. But little discussion, if any, has focused around people of Mustached American heritage who have been struggling with subpar employment opportunities since 1980.

Indeed, if you are a Mustached American and wish to work in food service, horseshoe fitting, ball washing or as a laundry room mechanic – you can. But these are lower wage positions, typically paying between $7 – 11 per hour.

There must be more in this land of opportunity, no? Perhaps, it would seem, as this week Pizza Hut unveiled a new corporate position paying $50,000 annually that does not involve classic Mustached American roles of cleaning pizza ovens, washing dishes, slicing salami into pepperoni, unclogging impossibly clogged toilets or floor mopping. Instead, the restaurant chain is seeking to hire a “Pizza Hut All-American” who during 2016-17 will attend as many as 30 NCAA Division I championships ranging from water polo to wrestling to NCAA March Madness, soccer, the College World Series, bowling, the Frozen Four, beach volleyball – the full gamut.

“We encourage applications from all, even those often misunderstood Mustached Americans,” said Doug Terfehr, Pizza Hut’s clean-shaven senior director of marketing and corporate communications. “Some of the greatest athletes and pizza eaters in history have donned an upper lip sweater. We know some highly qualified individuals already wake up each day with one advantage – they bravely rock a great Chevon everyday – and we hope to hear from them. And for all of them to support and encourage our selected Pizza Hut All-American.”

Fair enough. But how does a person of facial hair qualify for this opportunity? Terfehr described a three-tiered criteria:

First: A passion for college sports. This is fair, and when combined with beer nearly any college sport is tolerable – even the University of California at Irvine’s Medieval Sword Combat Society.

A passion for college sports. This is fair, and when combined with beer nearly any college sport is tolerable – even the University of California at Irvine’s Medieval Sword Combat Society. Second: Be outgoing, enthusiastic and eager to share experiences through social media. OK, this is doable. Mustached Americans can operate Netscape Navigator Internet browsers will relative dexterity.

Be outgoing, enthusiastic and eager to share experiences through social media. OK, this is doable. Mustached Americans can operate Netscape Navigator Internet browsers will relative dexterity. Third: Willingness to travel a lot and eat copious amounts of free pizza. Getting out of our trailers is healthy and pizza is filled with vitamins and minerals that are essential to daily living and strong fingernails.

Applications are now being accepted on Pizza Hut’s blog site until November 6, 2016. Then, with the help of former Duke University basketball player Shane Battier, Pizza Hut will narrow the list of candidates to final group of three, conducting Skype and in-person interviews to further narrow the field. Candidates will also traverse through live questions coming from Pizza Hut’s social media communities – most likely via MySpace and Friendster.

Mustached America: This is your opportunity. This is your time. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Act now, for the love of pizza and college sports.