I'm an avid reader, but suffice it to say none of these epic works are on my priority list at the moment (Bonfire of the Vanities is next in my lineup, in case you were curious).

10 of the Longest Novels Ever Published

1. The Blah Story by Nigel Tomm. 3,277,227 words, which ends up being 7312 pages. And I thought The Stand was long (it's only 1168 pages).

2. Marienbad My Love by Mark Leach. It is supposedly the world's longest published novel in English at 2.5 million words. If you have some extra time, you can read it at marienbadmylove.com.

3. ArtamÃ¨ne by Madeleine de ScudÃ©ry. It was published in ten volumes but considered a single work and contains 2.1 million words. If you're fluent in French, you can read it at artemene.org.

4. A la recherche du temps perdu by Marcel Proust. No doubt Frank, the number one Proust scholar in America from Little Miss Sunshine would have read this even though it's 1.5 million words long. The English translation is Remembrance of Things Past or In Search of Lost Time.

5. Mission Earth by L. Ron Hubbard. I'm sure Tom Cruise has this one memorized since it's only 1.2 million words.

6. Gordana by Marija Juric Zagorka. Maria Juric, AKA Zagorka, was one of the first popular female writers in Croatia. No word count, but based on its 5200 page count, Gordana makes the list at number six.

7. Sironia, Texas by Madison Cooper. It's roughly 1.1 million words; 1731 pages. A "little" story about small-town Texas.

8. Clarissa by Samuel Richardson. Clarissa explains it all in about 969,000 words. I'm sorry; I know that was a terrible joke. I just couldn't help myself.

9. A Dance to the Music of Time by Anthony Powell This one is a little iffy, because it's sometimes regarded as a novel sequence and not one novel. Like Clarissa, it's just shy of one million words.

10. Poor Fellow My Country by Xavier Herbert This is the longest Australian novel ever written at 850,000 words.

"What about War and Peace?" you are probably wondering. "What about Les Miserables? Gone With the Wind?" Nah. Those are practically novellas at 560,000 words, 513,000 words and 419,218 words respectively.