Tweet News: Last year technophobic police forces around the world finally stopped treating Twitter like a terrifying, haunted walkie-talkie and have started to see it for what it really is: a crime-busting PR tool that works best if you crack a few jokes. Here are 11 of the finest. By @Hilary_W.

1. “I don’t need a free iPad. I stole one from Dixons yesterday.”

2. Dear God please make it stop!

3. Oh, you jokers!

4. Warning: marijuana can seriously impair your ability to remember where you live.

5. Don’t worry: zombies don’t use machetes. It’s actually a serial killer/werewolf hybrid.

6. So that’s why there’s never been a fourth series of Gary: Tank Commander: he was arrested in Solihull.

7. Isn’t torture banned under the Geneva Convention?

8. They should have painted the horses in pastel colours and pretended they were Bronies.

9. Never mind the party: Ryan should be arrested for using the phrase ‘be reem’ unironically.

10. Sadly, PC Walker’s Twitter account is no more. Maybe the Smurf got him in the end.

11. And finally…