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In Clinton's defense, the Cold War was over, so really who cares if you can launch a bunch of missiles at Russia. The same can't be said for Jimmy Carter, who allegedly left the biscuit in his suit when it was sent out for dry-cleaning. Even the hawkish Republicans have been known to lose track. In 1975, while presiding over a Peace Conference in Paris, the White House was too busy puzzling over that wacky long French bread and misplaced the Nuclear Doomsday Football. Ford's press secretary recalls, "It was one of those things: 'Didn't you bring the football? No, I thought you had the football.'"

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When briefing the newly elected President Carter on the use of the football, a military attache opened the case to show the president the suitcase that can destroy the world. Much to his horror, inside the case full of sensitive electronic gadgetry somebody in the Ford administration had placed an empty beer can and a "large condom used by horse breeders."



There's nothing like a little drunken bestiality to go along with your apocalypse.

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After WWII, it didn't take long for the Brits to build their own nuclear arsenal, but the English were always serious about their WMD and always kept them under the most intense security. In fact, the Brits never even had codes for their nuclear weapons. They had something much more secure: an English gentleman's honor. Their military never included fail-safes on their nuclear weapons, and kept them secured behind a bike lock. Asked why they were so trusting, officials gave the most British answer ever: "It would be invidious to suggest ... that senior Service officers may, in difficult circumstances, act in defiance of their clear orders."

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"Oh my ... that's very poor form."

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Read more of Yosomono at his headquarters at the GaijinAss Web page or follow him on Twitter @GaijinAss.

For more ways planet earth was (and is) endangered, check out Nuke the Moon: 5 Certifiably Insane Cold War Projects and 5 Ways The World Could End (You'd Never See Coming).

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