When we found out the hidden secrets behind our childhood cereals like Honey Smacks and Lucky Charms, we were low-key devastated. Now we're finding out one of the most shocking facts of all: Cap'n Crunch, if we can even call him that, has a full name. *Gasp!* Cartoon cereal stars, they're just like us!

Before you start riffing on nautical puns and crunchy quips, let us prepare you for a letdown. Apparently, his real name is Horatio Magellan Crunch. Wait, what? We understand that it was probably a bit naive to assume his first name was Captain (er, Cap'n?), but we still feel pretty blindsided.

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While Horatio honestly appears to be a totally random choice, Magellan is a fitting middle name for the naval captain — it's most definitely a shoutout to the 16th century Portuguese explorer Ferdinand Magellan, who set out to circumnavigate the globe back in 1519.

Getty + Quaker Oats

See the resemblance? Obviously his last name is Crunch, but that's also strange because, according to a 2013 Wall Street Journal article, he hails from Crunch Island, a fictional place with talking trees and its own mountain called Mount Crunchmore.

Except, who has the same last as the place they were born? Not a lot of people. Maybe he's rich, and his family own the island. Maybe he's got a Da Vinci thing going on. I mean, just look at his smug face:

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This big reveal reminds us of the scandal that exploded a few years ago, when the internet discovered Cap'n Crunch wasn't a real captain after all. The tell was his striped sleeves: With just three gold bands on the cuff of his uniform, it signifies that Horatio is just a commodore. Granted, the character did respond to the allegations, saying that since he is the captain of the S.S. Guppy and its full crew, making him, indeed, a captain.

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Hmm, we'll see about that. Who knows what else Horatio's hiding.

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