Dating app users don't want 'friends with benefits', survey says

Domenica Bongiovanni | IndyStar

Show Caption Hide Caption Young people are dating less, here's why According to a new book by psychology professor Jean Twenge, young people are dating less. Buzz60's Sam Berman knows why.

Maybe we're heeding the admonitions of oft-ridiculed romantic comedies. Or maybe we're deciding that regular sex without a romantic connection can be a recipe for a broken heart.

Whatever the reason, the infamous "friends with benefits" relationship is the least sought-out among Americans who use dating apps, according to a recent survey by the Clue app and Kinsey Institute at Indiana University.

Out of 34 percent of Americans who have used apps to find romantic and sexual partners, just 9 percent are seeking regular sex without romance, the survey stated.

Eighteen percent want a long-term relationship, and the same percentage desires a short-term scenario — a situation where a couple wants to see one another multiple times but isn't looking to go the distance.

Twelve percent are up for talking and sexting. And 11 percent just want a one-night stand.

Amanda Gesselman, a research scientist at Kinsey, said people who are using online dating want more traditional relationships with new partners.

"The idea of the familiarity there but with no romantic connection, it seems to be putting people off of it," Gesselman said.

"Friends with benefits usually comes from being friends first, so you might have an attraction to someone that you are friends with first or that is in your friends circle, and then it becomes sexual after some event or talking about it. But I think that people are less likely to consider that with someone that they don't already know or that there's no prior familiarity with."

The findings, titled Technology & Modern Sexuality: Results from Clue and Kinsey's International Sex Survey, include more than 140,000 responses from Clue app users and people who answered social media posts. Clue, which tracks fertility, periods and sexual activity, partnered with Kinsey to find out more about how people are using technology in their dating and sex lives. The findings were published in August.

While 96 percent of the respondents identified as women, Gesselman said, the information they received from men proved informative.

Here are more points of interest from the study.

Men are more likely to use an app to make sexual relationships better.

So many jokes could be made here. But we'll just leave those to you.

Four percent of men, versus 2 percent of women, use an app to become comfortable with their partner's body. The same percentage of men use technology to learn about safer sex, whereas only 1 percent of women do.

"Men had used the app to learn specifically about their partner's body through learning ins and outs, how to interact with it, how to touch it, how to make sex better," Gesselman said.

"For the most part, the sample was heterosexual, so I'm assuming that for the most part, the partner in that situation would be a woman."

People sext. A lot.

Americans (74 percent) and South Africans (77 percent) sext most, while the Japanese (34 percent) and South Koreans (30 percent) are least likely to send hot messages.

Sixty-seven percent of those who responded sexted, with most (41 percent) using SMS messaging and younger people leaning toward Snapchat.

Gesselman couldn't speak to the differences between cultural norms. But, five years ago, when singles were asked about sexting, the percentage was much lower.

"Now (your phone) really is incorporated into every aspect of your life, so it makes sense that it would be more incorporated into people's sex lives now than it was five years ago."

Sexually experienced people are as likely to use an app to learn about sex as those who are inexperienced.

The breakdown? 19 percent (experienced) and 17 percent (no experience).

Gesselman said she expected the inexperienced to lean more on technology for confidence.

"What that's really showing is that there's some ... lifelong learning component there where even people who are having lots of sex, you know, continuously want to know more about it," Gesselman said.

"That's a very positive finding because it says a lot about what kinds of things we could put out there to help people make better decisions, to have better experiences, to protect themselves more."

Respondents who are queer, bisexual and pansexual — those who are attracted to all gender identities — were more likely to be in an open relationship.

Compared to the 3 percent average in all sexual orientations, 15 percent of people who are queer and 8 percent of those who identify as bisexual and pansexual are in open relationships, according to the study.

Given the personal, unique nature of relationships, understanding why is difficult, Gesselman said.

"The jury is sort of out on what the exact reason for that is," she said. "I do think that certainly has a lot to do with the idea of already going against the norm. You're already experiencing something different, and maybe that makes you open-minded to something else that's different."