Your best friend is getting married and they’ve asked you to travel halfway across the country to act as Best Man or Maid of Honor and toast them on the big day. Want the secret to giving the best toast ever? Follow our 4 step plan:

Speak to Someone that Loves You

It’s no secret that many of us would rather jump off of the 59th Street Bridge than speak in front of a crowd. Getting up in front of a group of people, some whom you know well and many whom you may not know at all, is scary.

To calm your nerves, when delivering your speech focus on one person in the crowd who you know is going to think that you did a great job no matter what. Maybe that person is the bride or groom; more likely, that person is grandma. Whoever it is, speak directly to them and forget about everyone else. By ignoring the crowd, you’ll actually connect with them on a much higher level than a speaker who looks like he’s up there fighting for his life.

Remember the Speech Isn’t About You

This might seem obvious, but it’s a lot harder than it sounds. If you were chosen to give a speech at a Wedding, Bar Mitzvah or other social event, it’s because you have a very close relationship to the guests of honor. They’ve selected you to honor them on their big day. You just need to remember whose big day it is.

Don’t make your speech about the way that knowing the guests of honor has changed your life; no is there to hear about about your achievements. Sing the guests of honor’s praises and make it all about them. You have nothing to do with their relationship or what they have achieved, at least not in the moment. Let them know how special they are and then, someday, let them return the favor.

Discretion is Always Your Friend

You know things about the guests of honor that no one else does. You know stories, secrets and inside jokes. Over sharing of these items will be the deathblow to an otherwise beautiful speech. If you have any doubts about how the audience might view a portion of your speech, take it out and don’t think twice.

On second thought, get a second (and third) opinion. Not just on the stuff you’re considering taking out, but on what you plan to leave in. This is helpful for two reasons:

It will prevent you from embarrassing yourself and the guest of honor with inappropriate content. It will keep you from telling an “inside” joke that no one but you and the guest of honor will get. While you think an inside joke is hilarious, it’s awkward for everyone else in attendance.

Know When to Quit

Your speech should follow this format:

Introduce yourself and your relationship to the guests of honor Joke about guests of honor Heartfelt story about guests of honor Toast Get out of there

All of this should take between 3 and 5 minutes. When in doubt, keep it short. Remember, no one is there to be “entertained.”

The fact of the matter is that your speech may be keeping dinner from being served. Hungry people are generally not very receptive to long-winded stories or rambling on about how much love you have for the guests of honor. Take the time to get your points across and make a nice speech, but remember, no event guest has ever said, “I wish he spoke for longer.” Just do your toast and get out of there.

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