Yeah, how can you not click on that title? You’re deeply disturbed, yet oddly curious. This is the type of hard-hitting, profound journalism that we know you, our avid readers, have come to expect from us at TFM.

From our anonymous tipster:

The Freshman class president at William and Mary was too drunk at a KA party and was told to go downstairs and pass out on the couch. Someone had already passed out on the couch so the president pulled down and took a shit, pissed, and puked on the kid who was passed out.He sent out an apology email to the school and there are pictures to prove it.

Honestly, when this dropped on our tip line, I initially couldn’t grasp that someone was capable of such a diabolical and hateful act. Maybe I’m giving people too much credit, but I like to imagine we live in a world where the fear of getting R.Kelly’d, Cleveland Steamed, and having chunks hurled onto you all within a matter of seconds, doesn’t have to exist.

Also “freshman class president?” Is that a thing outside of high school? Clearly, I’m not exactly cut from the leadership cloth, so my knowledge on student body government is nonexistent, but I’m still 99% positive that’s not a normal thing to have in college.

After seeing the photos of the couch and the actual email the alleged full-body explosion haver sent out as an apology to his fellow classmates, it appears there was indeed a sick individual capable of such heinous acts, and he was running the William and Mary class of 2018.

How about the kid that actually got pissed, puked, and pooped on? He forgave his attacker? There’s no way. How do you let that slide? Even Gandhi is seeking vengeance in this scenario.

And you have to transfer, right? Otherwise you’re forever known around campus as “The Human Toilet.” There’s simply no escaping that rap if you stay. Try picking up a girl after that. “Oh you’re the ‘Human Toilet?’ Well thanks for the drink.” I don’t care how much you love Williamsburg, you need to wipe the slate clean and start over, kid..