I have just one question for you, treasured reader: Do you believe in G Flip?

If your answer is ‘I do’, then I have some tragic news. This isn’t Peter Pan, and G Flip isn’t Tinkerbell, and everything you thought you believed about the supposed Unearthed ‘superstar’ is a fantasy propagated by Culture Kings, Ben and Liam, and their loony lefty cronies.

Let me hit you with some stats. G Flip has played 45 minute sets at Splendour and the Laneway main stage, and is set to perform at the massive Reading & Leeds Festival later this year.

Before 2019, G Flip had two songs. Now, she has four.

So what the fuck happens for the other 32-38 minutes of her set?

Does she do covers for a while? A quick check of her setlists says no. Does she engage with the audience for an ungodly amount of time? This isn’t a TED Talk! Does she scat sing for a while until everyone just fucks off? Possibly.

Whatever happens, it’s weird and I don’t like it.

And what’s perhaps weirder is the faux-punk skater chick style she’s got going on that looks like a Baby Boomer Executive’s fever dream of a millennial, as if Avril Lavigne didn’t (regrettably) go out of fashion over a decade ago.

But what is most likely the weirdest part of all of this is the constant promotion G Flip receives from Triple J over the airwaves and the internet. She seemed to just pop up out of nowhere around a year ago and suddenly had multiple interviews, a short documentary video on the Triple J Youtube page, and songs in constant rotation throughout the day.

This steady stream of promotion has rarely slowed since her ascendance, and for me, there’s only one logical explanation for this.

Triple J, a public body, has been bribed by Culture Kings to try and make chicks wearing backwards snapbacks a thing again.

While G Flip’s music is fairly benign, it’s not what I take issue with here. It’s the fact that she represents Culture Kings’ continued hegemony over Australia and its government, people and trends. We need a royal commission.

Hell, we need God.

Heck of a lot more to come.