Toronto mayor Rob Ford follows in the footsteps of one of the city’s great traditions.

Here’s a guy who has admitted to smoking crack (let’s be honest though: how else is he supposed to stay awake during those city council meetings?), often found himself in “drunken stupors” (if this doesn’t make him more identifiable with the common man, I don’t what will) and vehemently denied being in the company of prostitutes because he’s supposedly “got plenty to eat” at home (and he’s definitely not talking about eating a salad). Plus, on top of all that, he’s repeatedly said that he won’t step down in the wake of all this controversy swirling around him, and that he’ll just “take some time off” from being in office. That kind of blind optimism and unfounded confidence mirrors the attitude of Mr. Ford’s favorite hockey team, the Toronto Maple Leafs.

There are many similarities that can be drawn between the current unraveling of Mayor Ford and a Maple Leafs franchise that is still unraveling forty-six years after their last championship. In fact, the team’s communication with its fans during their Cup drought has sounded eerily like Ford’s postulation with the media over the last two weeks. On the one hand, you have the bold-face lies, like telling your supporters that you’re a “playoff team” when Vesa Toskala is your starting goalie – for me, that’s just as bad as denying the existence of crack-smoking video evidence. On the other hand, you have the remorseful public apologies (I’m looking at you Brian Burke) where both representatives from the team and the incumbent Mr. Ford have repeatedly uttered the phrase “I’m not perfect”. No, we get that no one’s perfect, that’s not what the public wants – they just want competence. That’s it. Apparently, this cry for competence translated into two things: 1) the Leafs trading their best goalie prospect (a guy who’d later appear in two Stanley Cup Finals with the Boston Bruins) for a netminder who played bad enough that Ron Wilson thought “I’d rather give that guy Toskala more playing time”, and 2) publicly imply that your rampant drinking problem somehow excuses your rampant crack problem.

Seems legit, right?

Rob Ford is deeply etched into the fabric of Toronto’s cultural identity, for he too has struggled with Toronto’s now habitual NHL mediocrity. Remember in 2006, when Ford (then Etobicoke counsellor) got thrown out of a Leafs’ home game for being drunk and disorderly? Say what you want about the man’s conduct, but I think he was merely personifying the two adjectives that best described what Toronto looked like on the ice against playoff-caliber competition that year, and every other year. Even when they make the playoffs (like last season), and have a lead with less than half of the third period of Game 7 of their first round series to go (again, last season), they can’t even cross the finish line without collapsing due to ineptitude. I mean, I’m from Montreal, and our team hasn’t won a damn thing in twenty years, but at least they don’t tease us like that.

For Toronto fans, I can’t imagine what it’s like to have a team let you down and, just when you think it’s over, they hit another gear and you’re suddenly in the sub-sub-basement of sports enthusiasm. No, wait – actually I can. It’s like having a crackhead mayor who, just when you think he can’t possibly embarrass your city any more, he starts talking about cunnilingus. To reporters. With cameras rolling. And he thought this was a good idea. Overall, you can see how Rob Ford is basically the human incarnation of the Maple Leafs, minus the dignity and a trademarked logo.

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