Tracy Cipolla’s open letter to the NFL reminds us of the things that really matter off the field.

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The upcoming Super Bowl hangover Monday marks the one year anniversary of my self proclaimed boycott of the NFL and football in general.

Allow me a little background if I may—last year the NFL received its more than normal share of the “bad apples” acting bad. Players were beating spouses, harming children, and generally acting much younger than they actually are. Personally I didn’t really take too much notice at first, I did what we all do and said what we all say, “Man these players make too much money to be doing dumb shit like that.”

However, it was at this point that I had a sudden realization. I realized that I was saying exactly what the powers that be want me to say; I was making excuses for openly aggressive and horrible acts from people that I have never met and most likely never will. I was arguing the case for Ray Rice, I was trying so hard to make what Adrian Peterson did to a child justified in my mind because I went bold and took him first overall that year in my fantasy football league.

I was letting these actions represent me.

It was at this point that I made the decision to take one full season off from the NFL and all football related activities; not Madden, no fantasy football, no merchandise, no watching games or following my team or even talking about the sport at all. Now, I know it seems like I was just not that into football in general right? “This guy isn’t a true fan! No one just drops their team like that!” I will tell you now that you are wrong, I love football. I live, breath, and dream my team come time for the season, I participate in literally everything NFL that I can possibly stick my fat little fingers into.

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That is why this decision was not an easy one and sticking to it was even harder.

You do not know how much your life is controlled by the stats, scores, and “Free shipping if you order $50 on NFLSHOP.com!” However, you see it when you open your email. I went in and cleaned house as much as possible, I unsubscribed from all the mailing lists that I could, I unfollowed my team on Facebook and all of the player accounts and I deleted all of those life consuming apps on my phone. Did I get everything? No I didn’t, but I got enough that it was easy(ish) to ignore compared to before; I plugged the dam as best as I could. I stopped playing Madden on my PlayStation and, for the first time in literally years, I did not go out and purchase the newest installment of EA Sports Madden NFL. That one was a tough pill to swallow because I used to drain hours and hours into making my team perfect and spending a boat load on the Madden Ultimate Team. But, I did it because I made myself a promise and I intended to stick to it.

Just keep scrolling

The first couple of weeks were the hardest hill to climb. Like nicotine or carbs, it always takes the first few weeks to remind you that, “It’s not too late man! Just watch the game! I heard our team won! Go look at the stats!” I was like a cartoon character that was stranded in a desert only everyone started to look like QBRs and highlight clips instead of hotdogs and pizza. And I know what you are saying to me right now, “Dude, there is no possible way to stay away from every possible NFL related thing. You would have to delete Facebook accounts and never go out to eat.” Yep, you are right, I did see some NFL related things but I just kept scrolling, looked away or had my wife switch seats with me so I couldn’t see the screens at restaurants, but I will admit, I did see things, I did hear things but I remained as pure about it as I could.

I remember telling a few people at work about this protest that I wanted to do and I was met with the immediate ramblings about I was stupid, not a man, and generally womanly. It was not until I explained myself that I finally got some signs of understanding from my peers. I told them that every time I hear about a player doing something awful I feel the remorse, I feel the slight tinge of sadness that I love the game so damn much. Then, I go right back to it like nothing ever happened.

It is the game we love so much that tells us no matter what happens, no matter what goes on, we don’t care enough to stop watching. We don’t want to lose this in our lives; it is the worst relationship that I have been in. I tell others that I care about how I am represented as a fan and as a paying customer. Allow me to do a quick test if I may? What is your response when I tell you that the—insert your team here—just won the big game against a division rival? nine times out of ten you say “We won the game!” WE won, WE scored, I love MY team. You identify with these players because of what they wear come Sunday and you love them because of what football represents to you.

Football is a feeling

Football for me isn’t just a game, it is a feeling. It is watching my dad yell and scream for our team, it’s watching my daughters jump up and down when they score, it is feeling the togetherness when me and the like minded fans watch the points soar. That is why I cannot sit idle while players, coaches, the NFL and even other fans take this too far. I do not feel represented by the NFL.

Every year the NFL holds a rookie symposium for all of the new players coming on the field. They hold talks about how to deal with the press, how to manage money and even how to conduct themselves in the social media. Nevertheless, they don’t talk about the actual issues. They don’t want us to question the character of some of these players; they don’t want us to think about how we are losing the fight when it comes to aggression off and on the field. I work in an aggressive profession, I am constantly dealing with hostile people, but I don’t take that out on my family or others around me. Players are being told to take another person’s head off; they are given plenty of examples that it is ok to beat on others off the gridiron, because nothing will happen.

I am not naïve, I know I am not influencing the NFL to give into more practices that protects the players and their loved ones, if I leave for good there will be no crying on their part. The entire point of my year off was to show others that it can be done. You can leave if you want to, if you see something you don’t like in something you love you can leave to invoke change; we are not mindless, we see the issues.

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I hope that in someway someone can read this and ask these questions. I hope that we can get to a point where people are held accountable for rape allegations, domestic violence and general horrible behavior. But mostly, I hope that my daughters won’t end up in a relationship with the kinds of players that our young boys are shown in the media because I am frightened by how our next generation of players is going to be raised by our current NFL.

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