In the midst of heavy winter blizzards, digging yourself out of the drifts can be both an inconvenient chore and a dangerous task linked to fatigue and heart attacks. Here are some safety tips to keep in mind while shoveling snow:

Before heading outside to shovel, do your best to reverse the 40 years of poor health choices that have put you at high risk for getting a heart attack.

Taking a few minutes to stretch before shoveling is a great way to unnecessarily prolong an already unpleasant chore.

Bending from the back can damage your spine; always damage your knees instead.

Prevent snow from sticking to your shovel by coating both sides in a layer of butter.

Throw the snow over whichever shoulder you’d like; no need for superstition.

Pace yourself and take a five-minute break for every 500,000 snowflakes you shovel.

Be sure to wear a frostbite whistle at all times.

Stay hydrated by shoveling every third load of snow directly into your mouth.

As much as possible, try living in a condo building.

If all else fails, pay a real man to do it for you.