Life lessons from having more than one home

Updated

One in four Australians was born overseas and another one in five have at least one parent who was born abroad. Here's what six Australians say about their second home and what it's taught them about life.

Alice Chu, 29, Sydney

Graphic designer Alice Chu was born in Hong Kong and came to Australia when she was two. Her parents divorced when she was six and her dad returned to Hong Kong, where Alice makes regular visits. She went to school in Australia and in the Chinese territory. Now she is off to the Netherlands to live with her Dutch partner.

What is the best thing about having a second home?

"It's confusing, challenging at the same time, the most amazing thing to ever happen to me.

"Having that connection to my original home, Hong Kong, and having family there so it's like even though I am always at a distance it's never lost."

What are the challenges?

"Missing out on both sides and lack of contact.

"Thanks to the internet it's much easier, but at the same time you are not there for their important parts, like I'm not there for when my grandparents passed away in Hong Kong.

"My mum couldn't teach me English and I can't blame her, because she's not raised as an English speaker.

"And I'm reading really advanced books, I'm reading Brave New World. I can't ask my mum for advice about Brave New World."

What is your identity?

"It hit a point pretty much through high school and having one group of friends that were predominantly more Asian in culture and another group of friends that were predominantly Anglo Australian.

"One side criticised me for being too white while the other criticised me for being too Asian.

"I got sick of this really confusing feedback from my two friendship groups, when I said, 'You know what, stuff it, I'm both'.

"I'm an Australian Chinese. I'm a mash up. Hopefully a good remix!"

What tips do you have for people who have a second home?

"Be proud of who you are. Everything, your culture as well as your upbringing, is part of you and it shapes who you are.

"I am going to the Netherlands as my Australian-Chinese-Hong Kong self. That's what I'm going to give them and they have to deal with it!"

Fotis Larentzakis, 45, Sydney

IT manager Fotis Larentzakis went to school in Australia but returned to Greece and lived the high life with a racing car and a house in Athens. He lost almost everything during the Greek debt crisis and came to Australia with his wife in 2010. But starting over has been hard.

Fotis recalls the time when he watered down milk for his baby son because he'd lost his job here and he didn't want to ask for help. He is still paying off his loans in Greece.

What's the best thing about having a second home?

"My first and second sons were born here. I know that their lives will continue to be here so I will teach them where they come from but I don't want them to go through what I went through moving countries. I want them to settle here.

"Every morning when I wake up, I only see one thing: I'm healthy, my feet and hands are moving. I should not ask anything more than that. My kids are healthy, my wife is healthy. Let's go, let's face the day."

What are the challenges?

"Starting from below zero. That's the hardest thing.

"In your 40s, like I am, moving to another country you are starting from below zero, especially when you leave a country with a crisis. That's the most difficult. It's hard starting a new life again.

"In the old days the oldies used to say 'we came here with only one suitcase'. It's like this for almost every Greek that has come here after the crisis."

What is your identity?

"Greek Australian in Australia, Australian Greek in Greece.

"Greece is my second home but when I am in Greece, Australia is my second home."

What tips do you have for people who have a second home?

"Every day is easier than the previous day. Whatever you do in your life comes back to you. And if it doesn't come back to you it will come back to your kids.

"Think Australian, do not think Greek, change the way you think. Don't compare.

"What you lived in your previous life, forget about it and continue here.

"I didn't know how much power you can create in a relationship when you go through a crisis. It's not only a country crisis, every couple has their own crisis, us, my wife and I, it just made us stronger."

Svetlana Zhukova, 34, Sydney

Marketing executive Svetlana Zhukova is a Russian Australian who grew up in the former Soviet republic of Belarus. She first left her home at the age of 15 to go to a better school where she could improve her English. Her career has taken her to Moscow, Rotterdam and Sydney where she arrived in 2007. Her parents still live in Belarus and she sees them every year and keeps in touch with childhood friends.

What is the best thing about having a second home?

"Australian citizenship gives you an actual freedom to travel, go places without the feeling that you can be turned back.

"It's having a sense of belonging. I think when I took my citizenship, I think for me that was an emotional moment when reading out the pledge saying from this moment onwards I pledge my loyalty to Australia.

"Having that sense of safety and that sense of belonging is very special."

What are the challenges?

"The hard thing probably is you knowing that you are on your own when you don't have family here.

"My parents can't help me financially. It's the other way round.

"Life is short and no-one is getting any younger. So making sure you do the things that are right and you don't have any regrets.

"It's just trying to keep in touch via technology, so Skyping with my parents and they embrace the technology.

"I try to see them every year so it's either travel to Belarus to spend time with them or we go on holidays together."

What is your identity?

"I say that I am Russian from Australia. I was born in the Soviet Union which doesn't exist anymore, so for me the definition of what is home is actually a big question mark.

"For me, my home is where I am, and I am in Australia so this is home.

"I had a very happy Australian story. I have the strongest love affair with Australia.

"To be honest I don't see how my life could have turned out any better."

What tips do you have for people who have a second home?

"I think the secret is to look on the bright side of things and for me the key is not to have expectations and to take things as they come and to take them at their face value.

"It's focusing on the present and it's focusing on all the good things that you have in your life and being grateful and actually taking ownership of the decisions you made.

"Get out of your comfort zone when you are in a new place. Make friends, get out there, do things that you may not have done before and invest into making a new world around you.

"Migration is a way to start over as you can reinvent in ways maybe you couldn't have done before."

Girma Adane, 37, Sydney

Girma Adane sought asylum in Australia 13 years ago after being jailed as a student activist in Ethiopia in 2001. The telecommunications engineer is grateful to Australia for giving him a chance and he cherishes Australia's democracy and political freedoms. The father-of-two keeps in touch with his family in Ethiopia via Skype and Facebook and in 2016 his parents came to Australia for the first time to visit.

What is the best thing about having a second home?

"It's good. Gives you more opportunities for education, work opportunities, and opens your eyes to see the world in a different view compared to what it used to be."

What are the challenges?

"To get something there is a cost, so missing family, friends, the culture, those are a bit challenging.

"It's bittersweet. You feel like you want to go home, you miss them, you get there and then you miss here as well."

What is your identity?

"I describe myself as Ethiopian Australian, because my background is from Ethiopia, but I definitely say Australia is home."

What tips do you have for people who have a second home?

"I want them to be open-minded, embrace the challenge and assimilate themselves into Australian culture.

"Make friends and be Australian always … because at the end of the day, this is our home.

Aleathia Holland, 42, Mount Gambier

Small business owner Aleathia Holland has returned to her hometown of Mount Gambier in South Australia after her family relocated to the US, Singapore and South Korea because of her husband's job with a major oil and gas firm. Returning home after four years away has been challenging with her sister recovering from cancer and the stresses of building a new house.

What's the best thing about having a second home?

"The lifestyle in Houston was amazing with the big house, the big car, the pool.

"All my kids say if we went to America tomorrow they'd all be happy to pack up and go.

"We created a family in South Korea. All our friends that we met have become lifelong friends. Every country gave us something different."

What are the challenges?

"We didn't have a long time to settle in. It's hard.

"Everyone has their relationships already so that was probably my biggest challenge. The kids were all at school.

"I come from a very strong family, got three sisters, everyone lives within walking distance of each other. For any expat, that's the hardest thing for the females, making friendships and having a group of people around you.

"It's tough. If it wasn't for family I certainly wouldn't have moved back to a small, country town. No way.

"But my kids are happy and at the end of the day that's the main thing."

What is your identity?

"Strong Australian identity. It doesn't matter where we are.

"Australia is my home but there are many countries I could call a second home."

What tips do you have for people with a second home?

"To be more tolerant of different cultures and the way they act and feel. Just because we have a certain way of living that doesn't mean that it's right.

"My kids really got to see a different side of life so that was a huge lesson.

"Coming back I would say don't try to rush fitting in, don't worry if it's not all happening straight away.

"It's different because you are different when you come home."

Siraj Patel, 37, Sydney

IT consultant Siraj Patel came to Australia from India in 2004. His dreams were shattered when his father died before he could visit Siraj in Australia. He then sponsored one of his younger brothers to come here and study but his brother was killed by a drunk driver in a traffic accident. The tragedy prompted Siraj and others in the Indian community to set up the Indian Muslim Association to help other Indians who migrate here.

What's the best thing about having a second home?

"You can see multiculturalism in Australia. The career opportunities in Australia are some of the best career opportunities you'll find anywhere.

"So to spend the rest of your life in Australia it would be a lifetime opportunity, a dream come true.

"To have my own house and to have a good backyard so that my children can play in the backyard."

What are the challenges?

"The biggest challenge for people like me, coming from a different country, is to leave your loved ones, to leave the place where you've grown up, the place where you've studied, the friends you've made when you were a child, and to leaving all at once and coming to this great nation.

"I came as a student here so I was struggling a bit so my parents, my father and mother helped me out during my initial struggling days."

What is your identity?

"This is a very tough one, I will say because the country which I come from India, which I love the most, because that is my motherland, which I spend half of my life back over there and half of my life here in Australia.

"I want to stay in Australia definitely, so I see myself as an Australian and then Indian."

What tips do you have for people who have a second home?

"You need to be mentally prepared. Come with a proper plan. Hit hard again until you get success. So keep trying.

"We are trying our best to help people from India who are studying here. Once they are finished their studies, we don't want them to work in a fuel station, we don't want them to work in a security company.

"Be prepared for the cost because cities like Sydney and Melbourne are very expensive cities.

"Don't forget the culture you come from so that you can pass it onto this nation. You can share your culture, the language that you have, that's what the beauty of Australia is."

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What have you learnt from having a home outside of Australia? Has it given you an edge? Email life@abc.net.au

Topics: community-and-society, immigration, human-interest, people, australia

First posted