ATHENS - Stating that he wants his program to compete with the likes of Alabama and Miami, UGA Coach Kirby Smart told the press that he would ideally like to rack up two or three more 5-star arrests before the season starts.

Georgia has already gotten off to a hot start, with two 3-star recruits, four 4-star recruits, and one coveted 5-star recruit having already been arrested for a number of transgressions. Already way ahead of Alabama, which only boasts one arrest this off-season (albeit a five-star), Smart intends to continue to dominate this spring by failing to implement any kind of backbone or character into his program.

With the Bulldogs’ arrest record currently crushing that of the Crimson Tide, and even perennial arrest record powerhouses like Florida State and Miami, and with more arrests potentially on the horizon, 2019 could finally be the season that Georgia surpasses Alabama as the premier SEC program that sacrifices character and academics in favor of athletic success (or in Georgia’s case, getting their fans’ hopes up only to fall comically short once again).





Disclaimer: This is a work of satire. That being said, the arrests mentioned in the above article have, in fact, occurred. The Crouton is not officially affiliated with Georgia Tech.

