No seriously, guys, it's a pretty stupid show. Look at the production, which was halted halfway through season one so the writers could figure out where the story and character arcs were headed. According to one of the show's directors, the first episodes of the show were shot years apart from each other. YEARS. This means that every obscure clue you've noticed from the initial episodes might have been remnants of entire storylines dumped at the last minute. And when you think about it, has the show even given us any proof that it's well-written?

HBO

A MAZE? What an enigmatic masterstroke!

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That scalp, for instance, seemed to be an integral part of Ed Harris's plan -- a vital clue for him to reach the Maze. Then he needed Clifton Collins Jr. And then he needed to find a woman with a tattoo. Now he needs to find Wyatt, a character who literally did not exist when his Maze quest began. (Remember, Anthony Hopkins created Wyatt and added him to the park halfway through the season.) How could Wyatt possibly be the primary piece of the puzzle Ed Harris has been trying to solve all this time? I'll give you a hint: The answer is "bad writing."

For the most part, Westworld's "mystery" stems from the showrunners randomly withholding whatever information is most convenient for them. And now that we've gotten that "big reveal," any corner they write themselves into can be traversed by blurting out "That character was a robot the whole time!" The result is a show that seems smart only because it's impossible to have an intelligent theory about something so inconstant. It's like playing checkers against a five-year-old who keeps changing the rules. I call this "The Lost Effect," on account of that show being an endless puzzle that had no intention of being solved.

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So if you love Westworld for its mysteriousness and brooding tone, that's totally fine. But at some point, the show needs to explain its ambiguity. Otherwise, it's the TV equivalent of picking up some reticent Asimov-reading hottie at a coffee shop, and then waking up to find that all your clothes have been stolen and there's a cowboy-hatted dump in your sink. You know, that ol' chestnut.

If you're Ed Harris and want to fistfight, contact Dave on his Twitter.