Are You Struggling To Find Pleasure In Sex? Sex Therapy Is The Answer

Do you feel like you’ve lost energy, interest and passion, even for the positions and partners you love most? Or, has sex always felt awkward, painful and even shameful, making you wonder if it’s possible for you to enjoy playful fantasies?

Perhaps you fear that sex and intimacy issues are hurting your relationship. For example, maybe “sleeping together” now means actually sleeping… sort of together… except for the eye masks and ear plugs and pillows and pets crowded between you.

It’s also possible that you don’t know how to suggest exploring different kinds of sexual expression. No matter how confident you may be in other areas of your life, the language of sex and sexuality might feel like marbles in your mouth.

Or, you might be single, worrying that sex issues will make it impossible to find someone who wants to be intimate with you—physically, emotionally or both.

Most people experience a relationship or sexual problem at some time in their lives. Many never seek treatment and unknowingly forfeit the ability to have a fulfilling sexual relationship. You do not need to live with frustration and disappointments.

My sex therapy addresses:

Shame, guilt, inhibitions and repression

Confusion and misconceptions about sex

Low and inhibited desire and mismatched libidos

Erectile issues (E.D.)

Premature and delayed ejaculation

Arousal and orgasm problems for women

Painful sex, including vaginismus, which prevents vaginal penetration

Body image and self-esteem issues

Compulsive sexual behavior (beyond the false sex addiction approach)

Sexual and emotional relationship skills

Fine-tuning lovemaking

LGBTQ+ identity and expression

Consensual non-monogamy, including open relationships, polyamory and swinging

Kinky sex, including BDSM, and fetishes

Are you ready to work with an affirming, sex-positive* therapist who can help you turn your sex life from grayscale to technicolor?

Sex Can Be Difficult to Navigate

Sex: The single most sensational pleasure known to the animal kingdom. (Sorry plants—it’s just photosynthesis for you.) Wonderfully enhanced by mutual respect and love, it is one of our greatest gifts. And yet we treat it like it is something shameful or embarrassing. Sex should be revered—not condemned! **

Countless individuals and couples feel stuck in sexual cycles that never lead to mutually satisfying release. The added stress of sexual issues—not to mention pent-up desire—can make everyday tasks and life feel difficult and boring. You may spend more time during the day worrying about sex than actually having it.

Far too often, individuals and couples will turn to friends or even the Internet for advice, rather than to a credentialed counselor. While you might come across some useful insights—especially online, where, to put it mildly, you can find an eclectic mix of accurate and inaccurate information—these sources are unlikely to help you address all the interlocking factors fueling sexual dysfunctions.

While many believe sexual problems are purely physical, it is imperative to identify, explore and address mental, emotional and relationship issues in tandem with the physical. For example, if stress from work, family life or other factors are making you want to shut down and hide at the end of the day, your genitals might be retreating, too.

Most often, issues concerning sex, drive and potency are caused by a lack of connection. Our culture has grown increasingly disconnected, with people spending more and more time with their smartphones than with each other. Even without technology invading the bedroom (and I don’t mean mood music or toys), the crush of life responsibilities may be pushing sex to the low end of your priority list.

Our culture is also deeply sex-negative, which means that it conditions people to view sexual pleasure with shame, guilt, and disgust. This repressive influence can be even stronger for those who are non-monogamous, kinky and/or queer, or who believe they might be. Pleasure is supposed to feel good­—that’s the point!—but you might lack opportunities to safely explore what stokes your fire.

Due to a combination of stress and repression, it’s extremely common for individuals and couples to avoid communicating about sex. When you add physical pain, trauma, poor sex education and other sex-related issues, it’s no wonder that so many people feel like they’re trying to get a spark from a box of wet matches.

The good news is that there is help and hope. An experienced and compassionate AASECT-certified sex therapist can help you identify the underlying issues that drain your natural desire. You can learn to awaken intimacy and excitement in your relationships—and with yourself.

Sex Therapy Can Help You Get To the Root Cause Of Your Sexual And Relationship Issues

Playful: A sexual enthusiast who celebrates pleasure with vulnerability and humor. Sex should be play, not work. A tried and true aphorism: we do not stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. Sex is the ultimate intimate expression of adult play.**

You deserve a healthy, vibrant sex life. For nearly 50 years, I have been helping individuals and couples get over sexual speed bumps and find new ways to enjoy a smooth, stimulating ride. With my help and your commitment to the process, you can foster connection, curiosity and play.

I am a nonjudgmental sex-positive therapist who will never shame you for what turns you on, and who welcomes clients of all orientations, identities and relationship structures. Utilizing cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) and my thorough medical knowledge, I will create a comprehensive therapy plan that addresses your unique needs and goals.

In the welcoming, open space of my office, you can learn how to let down your inhibitions and embrace possibility. I will also help you get rid of distorted thinking, which feeds self-doubt and self-criticism. Rational, logical thinking is the basis for healthy emotions and behavior.

My therapy is conversational. I do not suggest the use of sexual surrogates and I do not perform physical examinations. As appropriate, I will collaborate with a dedicated team of physical therapists, sexual medicine physicians and other medical specialists to help you find exactly what you need to relieve pain and discover pleasure.

The work of counseling sexuality issues is generally short term, but you must be willing to be open, honest and engaged in the therapy process. This includes continuing your progress between sessions, from watching videos and doing some writing exercises to setting aside private time to discuss sex with your partner. While this might feel like work at first, you’ll be investing energy for a lifetime of delightful sex! Sounds worth it to me!

Seeking therapy can be difficult for both individuals and couples, but I’ve found that humor helps put everyone at ease. This, along with my significant experience, is what I pride myself on. With my nontraditional methods, my credentials and an individualized therapy plan, we can effectively address your sexual issues. You can start to play rather than fret.

You may still have questions and concerns about sex-positive individual and couples counseling…

My partner does not want to come to sessions with me.

Any sexual problem is a shared relationship problem. While I always start sessions by meeting with each partner separately, it is important that I speak with both of you together to help you solve all related issues. This way, you each can express your concerns freely before collaborating to solve them. My approach to sex therapy is about coming—and coming—together.

I’ve heard that therapy can be expensive and take a long time.

If you value your sexual well-being and partnership it is sometimes necessary for you to invest in your personal and relationship health.

Most people get out-of-network coverage from their insurance companies. I help clients deal with the complexities of insurance.

And, to accommodate busy schedules, I am available on evenings and Saturdays, making sure that therapy is available when you need it. Additionally, my work is short-term provided you are willing to engage openly and honestly in sessions and do some work outside of sessions as well.

I can figure this out myself.

Whatever is causing trouble in your sex life is likely beyond what you can see on your own. Otherwise, you would already be solving whatever torments you. My therapy sessions focus on the physical, mental, emotional and medical aspects of overcoming sexual shame and cultivating intimate connection. You don’t need to do it alone—at least, not if you want to “do it” with the passion you’ve been longing for.

Liberate Your Sensual, Sexual Side

Feel free to give me a call at 206-244-8788 or 360-394-4568 to set up an appointment. I’m happy to talk with you about sex therapy, as well as answer any questions you have about my practice in Seattle, WA.

*The term “sex-positive” is becoming more and more widely known. In 1981, I was the first to use the term in print, in my award-winning university textbook Sexual Choices.

**Definition sampled from my book, Sex from Aah to Zipper: A Delightful Glossary of Love, Lust and Laughter

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