‘She is my love, my wife’: TN man allegedly threatened by family for marrying trans woman

The couple approached the Madurai Collector on Tuesday seeking protection.

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In March this year, when 38-year-old Basheer a welder from Madurai, connected with Chennai-based Kalki on Facebook, he did not expect that their budding friendship would bloom into love. Within a matter of seven months, on October 14, he married the 35-year-old at a temple in Madurai.

What Basheer did expect however were the threats of violence and opposition that allegedly came from his family. While he saw only a person he loved and a companion for life in Kalki, his friends and family could not get over the fact that she is a trans woman.

"To my family, the idea of my love for a trans woman was revolting. We had been in a relationship for over six months when they realised we were serious about marriage. They immediately filed a complaint against me to the local police," says Basheer. "They claimed that I was trying to steal items from the house for her and took me to the station last week. The inspector insulted me and made transphobic comments, fully aware of the real intentions of my family," he alleges.

Despite the humiliation, the couple got married on Monday, only to be allegedly subjected to more threats.

"We go more calls from my family threatening to assault us and so we decided to complain to authorities and seek protection," Basheer says.

On Tuesday, October 15, Basheer and Kalki gave a complaint to Madurai Collector TG Vinay seeking protection from relatives. And while they submitted their petition, they were unable to meet the Collector personally.

"My brother called and yelled at me even when we were on the way to the Collector," says Basheer. "Both of us are not asking them for anything - not help or money. We just want a chance to love and live," he adds.

A chance at love

For Basheer, who lost his wife seven years ago, meeting Kalki he says, was a second chance to live life to the fullest. He had recently met with an accident and had lost partial function in one leg.

"From the very beginning I noticed how affectionate she was. When I get hurt during work, she immediately frets and does everything to help me," he says. "At the end of the day, you want to come home to someone who really loves you and will be your partner in every way. When I see her, I don't think about this 'trans' tag. All I see is my wife and someone who will care for me till the end," he adds.

Kalki, who had transitioned when she was 15, had been a sex worker in Chennai before she met Basheer.

"I was earning up to a lakh a month and was independent. But when Basheer professed his love to me, I gave it up to be with him," she tells TNM. "He said my past doesn't matter and we will now survive with what he earns. I didn't marry him for his money or looks. I married him because he is the first man to accept me completely for who I am," she adds, her voice cracking with emotion.

Kalki says that marrying her has come at a great cost for her husband.

"His family is threatening him, his friends are mocking him and his colleagues are disgusted," she says. "But he has steadfastly stood by me," she explains.

When asked about the threats received by the couple however, she states "I am not afraid. I am a trans woman and I am proud. We don't fear anyone."

The couple was aided by Bharathi Kannamma, India’s first transgender Lok Adalat member and social activist. She helped seek protection for Basheer and Kalki through legal authorities. She is also India’s first transgender candidate in the Lok Sabha elections of 2014.

Speaking to TNM, she says, “Police and other authorities should come forward to protect such couples. Kalki has left behind her past and transformed completely to live a happy life with her husband. This is shining example of how our community can move forward with the right encouragement and help. Helping the transgender community will also take this society to greater heights."