boss: john! how is that project coming along? john (at desk): very well. should be done well before the deadline boss: great job as always, john john: thanks! *john watches the boss leave* john: alright, he's gone. what do you want to discuss? john's beard: you're taking credit for things that i'm responsible for! i don't like it! john (touching beard): beard! don't talk like that! john: i shampoo you every day. i just want you to be happy when you're on my face! john: beard massages? do you want more beard massages? what will it take?! *john is massaging his beard while two coworkers behind him watch* john: like this? like this?! coworker 1: john is super weird with that beard of his *both coworkers stand in silence* coworker 2: i want a beard... coworker 1: ditto

Part of the John! series.