Does it cost money to play the board game?

Nope! It’s free. Just leave your I.D. with the bartender, so that we can keep track of who has the board game at any given moment.

How many people can play the board game?

You need at least two people to play the board game; up to eight people can play at a time.

Do I get anything if I win the board game?

Yes! The winner gets a free cheese board.

Is there a punishment for losing the board game?

Yes! Whoever comes in last place must pay a penalty of $13.95. (Amount of penalty may vary depending on the market price of gouda.)

Are some of the pieces missing from the board game?

The board game was left behind by a family who lived in this building before the bar moved in. So, yes, it’s possible that we have never had all the pieces.

Is there a potential “Jumanji” scenario in which playing the board game will open a Pandora’s box leading to complete and utter chaos?

No. “Jumanji” isn’t real.

It’s not literally real, but it’s a cautionary tale. It’s a metaphor for capitalism.

You’re thinking of Monopoly.

Does my date want to play this board game?

We don’t know. But when she told you that she just started taking barre classes, you said, “Oh, cool, my mom got great results from barre,” and then neither of you said anything for, like, ten seconds. So you should probably find some way to diffuse the awkwardness.

Have you noticed both men and women enjoying the board game?

The bar doesn’t keep tabs on those sorts of things. That being said, we have noticed that men especially enjoy explaining the rules of the board game to women after only a cursory scan of the directions, and then, when they’re corrected mid-game about a specific rule, they seem to enjoy responding, “Well, we’re not going to play that way. Believe me, it’s more fun like this.”

Do you have any I.P.A.s on tap?

You know we do.

Can I.P.A.s be part of my personality?

They can be your entire personality if you draw enough attention to yourself every time you order one.

Has anyone famous ever played this board game at this bar?

Julian Casablancas beat Ryan Adams at the board game in 2006, but he cheated. That was the real origin of their feud.

Why isn’t Cards Against Humanity offensive?

Because it’s self-aware.

How does that work?

It points out the arbitrary nature of the logic behind most offensive rhetoric. The goal of the game is to create something offensive using only the terms available, which is an absurd way to form a statement but mirrors how most trolls operate.

Is that why the creators came up with it?

We seriously doubt it.

Do you have Cards Against Humanity?

No.

What happens if the bar closes and my friends and I are in the middle of playing the board game?

Whoever is winning when the bar closes is considered the winner of the game.

Does that count for as much as having won a full game?

Our official stance is “sure,” but you’ll definitely get the sense that no one respects you as much as they would a real winner. Whether that’s true or just you projecting is something for you to reckon with.

When can we play the board game?

The estimated wait time is thirty-five minutes, but it will probably become available right when you figure out where you’re going next.