Humor is subjective, and so is satire. But when it comes to Star Wars comedy, parody, and satire, Faking Star Wars is where most fans of the saga will turn. However, fake Star Wars news does hit the mainstream satire news cycle from time to time. Today we will compare parody juggernaut The Onion and scrappy satire punks The Hard Times on their output of Star Wars content. Spoiler alert, Hard Times is funnier at least 12 times… or until I get tired of slogging through the Onion‘s archives of unfunny Star Wars themed articles.

Which ones are you excited for your great-great-great grandkids to see? pic.twitter.com/2phtY81s9a — Hard Drive (@HardDriveMag) May 8, 2019

The Hard Times staff got together to produce 290 unique titles for the hypothetical, and inevitable, upcoming planned Star Wars films. Compared to the time that The Onion wrote three “reviews” of the Episode IX trailer, Hard Times squishes that vegetable in the garden. The reason this is funnier than The Onion’s attempt at lampooning a “Rotten Tomatoes” review is Hard Times’ hard work at making a video in the style of the iconic Star Wars opening crawl. Meanwhile The Onion refuses to use unique photos for their fake reviewers, opting instead for the same three people they always use. The Onion, that was just lazy satire. Point goes to Hard Times.

This may seem like a cop out. “Oh, yeah. Rank one thing against itself. Ha-ha,” you might be saying. But the length writer Neil Floyd goes through to prove the exogorth is indeed the best space worm in the darkest entry of the Star Wars saga, is excellent. Compare this to The Onion’s “JJ Abrams Announces Meryl Streep Will Take Over Role Of Chewbacca“. Not only is it in poor taste of the real life death of the original Chewbacca actor who died a mere three days prior to publication, it craps on the current, and quite handsome and charming Chewbacca actor Joonas Suotamo! Finally, The Onion’s “article” is literally just a headline and an image of Meryl Streep. Once again, lazy satire. Point, The Hard Times.

Next we look at headlines lampooning the Maker himself, George Lucas. At Hard Times, author Mark Roebuck writes that an “unknown filmmaker” will be taking over after the departure of former Episode IX director Colin Trevorrow. The article starts with a clever image featuring Lucas wearing the classic comedic glasses with nose and mustache disguise and concluded with a faux interview with the filmmaker. All around good fun. Over on The Onion, it’s uninspired dreck once again. The article titled, “Leaked George Lucas Sex Tape Includes Digitally Inserted Footage Of Jabba The Hutt” is just the headline and an image of Jabba. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Hard Times easily wins this bout.

Next, we look at a full interview of Lumpawaroo by author Matt Kona at Hard Times. Kona goes deep into the mind of Lumpy and why he no longer associates with the Star Wars franchise. It’s an eye opening article and I recommend you read it yourself. On the flip side we have The Onion throwing shade at a fellow Star Wars news site and the site that is responsible for the genesis of Faking Star Wars, Star Wars News Net! The Onion writes that SWNN is partaking in the defense of Trump’s attack on the press and wrote an article on their front page about it. There’s a difference between satire and straight up lying and The Onion is just lying. SWNN never published an article regarding the attack on the press and The Onion didn’t even take the time to edit their screenshot of SWNN’s home page featuring the supposed article. Bad form.

If you want to make fun of Star Wars fans there are two ways to do it, one good and the other bad. We have way number 1: “It’s funny because it’s true!” and way number 2: “This was really boring to read, can I get my money back?” We will look at way number 1 first. Author Louis Aronowitz of The Hard Times knocked it out of the park with his article on a family of Star Wars fans getting upset during a Star Wars-themed wedding for not following canon. From the groom dressed as Chewbacca marrying the bride dressed as Leia, to the best man cosplaying A New Hope-era Luke with the wrong hand being robotic, and the wedding band playing “Cantina Band theme” in the wrong key, the laughs just kept on rolling. On The Onion however, it’s just… boring. The Onion writes, “Nation Dutifully Gets In Cars, Stands In Line, Watches New Star Wars Movie“, which is literally about a man who watched The Last Jedi then reviewed it on social media. While the idea has potential to be humorous, it was poorly executed and a slog to read. There was no punchline, no witty comment, not even a funny name for the man! The satire giant loses again to the upstart punks.

I could bang on and on about how The Hard Times is funnier than The Onion seven more times or you could just go read The Hard Times and their nerd culture page Hard Dive yourself. It’s the truth, no faking here. And if you want more Hard Times X Faking Star Wars, check out the episode of FSW Radio in which Matt Saincome and Mark Roebuck discuss their Star Wars memories and how they started the best punk satire site on the web.

As always, stay tuned to FakingStarWars.net for all the finest Star Wars comedy, parody, and satire in the galaxy. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook and subscribe to our podcast on iTunes or Google Play for even more unbelievable news from a galaxy far, far away. Also, consider supporting us on Patreon… for as little as a buck a month, you can help us fake harder, better, faster, stronger.

–Link Voximilian