ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A local fuckwit decided overnight that he deserves to give himself a present after resisting the urge to buy a small bag of cocaine over the weekend.

Conor Royd-Ross, who is someone’s son, purchased some woven leather shoes from the popular Diamantina-based online fashion aggregation shop, Autofellatio, in the dying sunlight of yesterday.

“They were only $250, which is basically half what a bag costs in the Simpson Desert these days,” he told our reporter.

The Advocate spoke candidly to the 25-year-old after our publisher told the editorial team to find something other than the bushfires to report on.

“So I’m saving money buying these shoes. I might even have a bit left over to buy a linen polo shirt or some linen trousers. I’m probably going to do that every weekend from now on.”

When asked by our reporter what he meant by ‘doing that’ every weekend, Conor threw his head back in a sharp, forced laugh and scratched his limp, dull penis.

“Just have a few little liney-linies from some other cunt’s bag, brother!”

More to come.

