Meet Dr. Turi, self-proclaimed “astropsychologist,” creator of the Facebook community Bring Back Astrology as a Science, and author. According to his website, he’s also:

…the personal counselor of many celebrities, Ivana Trump, Peter Fonda, Gary Busey, Denis Haysbert, John Gray and many others. Dr. Turi is a favorite guest of George Noory on Coast-To-Coast AM radio and the BBC in London and appeared in numerous television programs worldwide.

A native French speaker, Dr. Turi is really, really mad at Neil deGrasse Tyson, Carl Sagan and James Randi:

“Why would today astronomers and astrophysicists alike bother and wonder about the cosmos at large when they know nothing of the spiritual values involving their local solar system? Propagating a ‘Godless’ world and a new breed of cold thinking atheists is very dangerous for humanity’s future… Without this crucial balance science will destroy humanity within the next fifty years… [D]iscrediting astrology spiritual science and God true mystical cosmic purposes is detrimental to humanity at large! In fact, how many television program you watch, such as Cosmos, ever mention their mortal enemy, astrology?… If you ask any scientist about their astrological despicable wisdom they can only ridicule it… Front runners like Astronomer Carl Sagan, skeptical James Randi, Astrophysicist Neil deGrasse and today’s selected medical “geniuses” are the moving parts of a wide conspiracy contributing to the scientific matrix aim for monopolizing and establishing educational supremacy. All the while lumping me with psychics… they all truly think and believe the mother of all science of Astrology is only a pseudoscience…”

Tyson didn’t just piss of Christians on Christmas Day by honoring Isaac Newton instead of baby Jesus, he also pissed off astrologers who think Tyson shouldn’t be allowed to claim Newton, who they fantasize was secretly an astrologer. Turi attacks this biographer’s finding that Newton rejected astrology:

“Baffled by the incomprehensible astrological diagrams and calculations in this work [Newton] then studied some books on geometry and calculus (such as by Euclid, Frans van Schooten and René Descartes) and was “soon convinced of the vanity & emptiness of the pretended science of Judicial astrology”.

Turi’s research reveals this scholar is part of an atheist plot:

“Using Astroforensics, I checked Sir Isaac Newton UCI, his Mercury (critical thinking) Jupiter (education) Uranus (ingeniosity) Mars (drive) and the position of his natal Saturn (science/skepticism) and I can affirm, he did profoundly study Astrology. I am so ashamed of the people who purposely put in writing this nonsense. Whomever wrote the above is obviously a young soul… putting those vile words in Sir Issac Newton’s mouth… All you had before the new scientists contested God was ASTROLOGY! … ‘Young Souls’ tend to put educated people like Neil deGrasse, Carl Sagan or any of the scientific matrix “experts” on a pedestal just because they spent a few years gathering someone else wisdom and graduated! … I am sure [Tyson’s] sponsors are worried sick of his endless stupidity… My lifetime work can not be appreciated because it is well above today unperceptive cold science… I am overqualified for a Nobel Prize… Had I follow the same traditional path as Neil deGrasse or any other scientists, I would be a famous man…”

Dr. Turi has a dire prediction for Dr. Tyson. Neil, don’t say you weren’t warned:

“I would say to Neil deGrasse, as a Libra, the negative Tail of the Dragon in Aries is cursing your 7th house making you obnoxious with the public! This will cost you greatly in your career in the next couple of years… during one of your negative 2015 Cosmic Biorhythms.

James Randi, why do you hate humanity?

“While I have repetitively challenged James Randi and all skeptics under the Sun to prove me wrong since 1991, not a single atheist nor scientific organizations arranged the confrontation!… [They] are all parts of my not so “secret” email list and received ALL my newsletters for years! But I realized I was wasting my time and stopped what they could only perceive as SPAM… Servicing Pathetic Atheist Mind… But these people are also part of the long list of skeptics elites dedicated to breed a dangerous, cold scientific godless generation of atheists… I was banned from all their public websites and they keep trying very hard to bury the facts that I am the real thing… I was wondering then, how this skeptical crowd would react to my show… on William Shatner’s TV Show and… Discovery Channel… Imagine if the entire world was atheist? What chances for progress humanity would have?”

The funniest part is this email exchange between Turi and Sadie Crabtree, of the James Randi Educational Foundation (JREF), over Turi’s demands to be tested as part of JREF’s Million Dollar Challenge to paranormalists:

“[W]hat is subconsciously motivating Sadie Crabtree to hate psychics… This is her answer following my predictions of Osama Bin Laden demise!” Sadie Crabtree: “Are you kidding? That’s ridiculous. “Someone famous may meet a sad fate in the water or on the road?” First, that prediction is so vague it would apply to most accidental deaths. Second, bin Laden wasn’t in the water when he met his fate. He was shot in a building. Third I don’t see how you can call it a “sad” fate when so many people are cheering over it. In spite of an incredibly vague prediction it seems like you got this one pretty wrong anyway.” Dr. Turi: Well if it was you who died Sadie I would call it a bad /SAD day alright! And while America rejoiced, the Middle East and his family did not. I am sure your family would also feel sad if you were shot and died at home. Osama Bin Laden may have been religiously poisoned to the core but he was still a human being victimized by Neptune!

It’s a divine mission, and divine missions are expensive:

“I am here to bring light to your soul and guide you back to God Cosmic Divinity. Note the Holiday special (AND THE DEAL ABOVE) live Skype consultation deal ends 01/01/2015 then my prices will be right back to $350 and $700 for the same service.”