Article content

Another summer is upon us, and Torontonians are still officially forbidden to partake in various activities that all civilized societies consider routine. Let’s focus today on two: playing the national sport and flying kites.

As all properly raised Torontonians know, chapter 950-300 of the Toronto Municipal Code insists “no person shall play or take part in any game or sport upon a roadway” — so, no road hockey. This week, the public works committee considered a staff report recommending that it remain illegal, and sent it along to city council, which will have a chance next month to remedy the situation.

We apologize, but this video has failed to load.

tap here to see other videos from our team. Try refreshing your browser, or Chris Selley: This summer let’s ignore Toronto’s anti-fun bylaws Back to video

Yet I am of two minds on the matter. The law is certainly a giant ass. But it could easily be more idiotic: it could permit street hockey under various minutely defined circumstances, and thereby empower bylaw goons to enforce it.

Street hockey in Canada is living proof that some things don’t need regulating: some community standards pass effortlessly down through generations, and neighbourhoods punish transgressors extra-judicially. Furthermore, that such a safe and beneficial activity could be illegal ought to help instill a healthy suspicion of authority in the young.

Which brings us to kites, city policy on which is considerably more ridiculous.

In 2010, officials banned kites at Milliken and Bluffers parks in response to the purported scourge of kite-fighting, which can leave sharp discarded line lying around to injure seagulls and gum up city lawnmowers.

Coun. Chin Lee “said it isn’t practical to try to enforce a ban on just kite fighting,” CBC reported at the time, “so the city has decided to go for a ban on kite flying in general.”

That’s quite ridiculous on its own: kite fighting looks very different than kite flying, and the offending materials can easily be detected. But at least, I thought, it was limited to two parks.

Not so. Journalist John Lorinc recently tweeted a photo from Sunnybrook Park, where a hilarious sign full of prohibitions essentially invites visitors to screw off whence they came and never return: “ball playing and Frisbee by permit only;” “cyclists must dismount on hills;” “use of fire pits by permit only;” “organized gatherings of more than 25 persons by permit only;” and, citing section 608-19 of the municipal code, “kites or model aircraft prohibited.”

“Most of Toronto’s parks are not fit for kite flying under the Municipal Code,” said parks spokesman Matthew Cutler.