There once was a fantasy-baseball event called the Pumpatorium. It took place every spring, in Arizona, among beat writers and columnists covering the A’s and Giants. Draft night was uproarious fun, with rules stipulating a generous barkeep and a steady flow of verbal abuse.

Sophisticated, it wasn’t. There was just a single criterion: whose team hit the most home runs. And it invariably played out the same way: Once the season unfolded, it was mostly about numbers — nothing quite as entertaining as the draft itself.

This comes to mind because there’s a new format in place for this year’s NBA All-Star Game. Once the starters have been selected for each conference, the leading vote-getters will be named captains — and that’s the last we’ll hear of conference identity. A draft will unfold, with the two men (say, LeBron James and Stephen Curry) alternating selections as to exactly whom they’d enjoy having as teammates.

Great idea, right? But get this: Barring a change of plans, it will not be televised.

The league’s rationale is so weak, it defies explanation. Something about players having their feelings hurt if they’re picked last, or agents concerned about their clients’ damaged reputations.

There was an immediate outcry from James, who believes it absolutely should be shown to the public, but not every player agreed. “I think that’s something you should keep in-house,” Carmelo Anthony told the Norman (Okla.) Transcript. “You’ll have a lot of players that’s kind of mad at whoever the captains are. Guys are going to be upset. Friendships come into play. I don’t think everybody in the outside world needs to be on the inside of that.”

Good grief. You’d think they were choosing sides for military assignments — one group heading heading into officers’ training, the other banished to kitchen duty.

The game itself (Feb. 18 in Los Angeles) will look about like always: dunks, fancy dribbling, laughter, not a hint of defense until the final minutes, everyone just showing off in the spirit of pure entertainment. This new format won’t change a thing, except to create a bit more trash-talking and some very fresh looks, such as James teaming with Kevin Durant or Curry bypassing a Warriors teammate to hook up with Giannis Antetokounmpo.

Hurt feelings? What a complete joke.

If that’s really an issue, then keep everyone out of the drafting room but the two captains. Just don’t leave us wondering about their sure-to-be-priceless facial expressions and commentary, or whom we would pick in a given moment. Draft night has the potential of being at least as much fun as the actual game, so please, enough with the paranoia.

Instant awful

A number of wise observers predict that within the next 20 years or so, the NBA will have replaced the NFL in national popularity. Concussion-related football issues will become only more glaring as players, parents, coaches, executives and media address the consequences of participation. Perhaps it’s a valid point, but the NBA will be stuck on a popularity treadmill until it deals with replay.

It’s the same tired scenario: A play comes under review, TV viewers get their evidence immediately, the refs gather around the scorer’s table and there’s an interminable wait for the official word from replay headquarters. The game slows to a crawl, any semblance of “flow” dismantled. Then, the following day, we hear from the NBA office about the referees’ blown calls (mostly regarding fouls, which are not subject to review).

Allowing replay on every call would cause only more tedium, turning a potentially exciting stretch drive into a 30-minute infomercial. Warriors head coach Steve Kerr has been outspoken in his disgust, calling for the very minimum in replay. On ESPN, former Lakers guard and longtime NBA head coach Byron Scott said the solution would be to “get rid of it altogether.” The view from here: No replays of any kind until the last two minutes of a close game (say, within 10 points), and only if the call is challenged (give the coaches two each). Make instant connections with replay headquarters and leave the refs out of it.

As for the next-day critiques, Draymond Green got it right: “pointless.”

Flashes of greatness

If you’re overwhelmed by the college basketball landscape and prefer to focus on just a few NBA-bound players, be sure to catch Trae Young, Oklahoma’s freshman guard. He’s trying to become the first player ever to lead the nation in scoring and assists, and he’s performing with imaginative style: pinpoint passes, magical with either hand, feathery floaters, long-range accuracy. “He’s the closest thing you’ve ever seen to Curry,” Dan Dakich said on an ESPN telecast. “When he gets the ball, the whole arena’s like, ‘What’s he gonna do?’” ... Down in Los Angeles, they’re wondering if the Chargers’ Philip Rivers is the best NFL quarterback to play in that city since the Rams’ Norm Van Brocklin and Bob Waterfield in the 1950s. Maybe you’d consider the Raiders’ Jim Plunkett or the Rams’ Roman Gabriel, but that’s a serious drought, especially compared with the Bay Area’s treasure chest including Daryle Lamonica, George Blanda, Kenny Stabler, Frankie Albert, Y.A. Tittle, John Brodie, Steve Young, Joe Montana and ... let’s wait just a tad on Jimmy G. He may well get there ... Your 3-Dot proprietor taped countless sports events in the VHS days and later transferred them to DVD — only to discover the disappointing picture quality when played through modern-day HD televisions. Meanwhile, the big-time networks share our pain, calling up old footage that looks wonderful in its original state — played through a standard-definition TV — but suffers badly through state-of-the-art equipment. This is why we keep a couple of old Sony TVs around. When viewing the likes of Michael Jordan, Barry Sanders and Rickey Henderson at their best, one must have clarity.

Bruce Jenkins is a San Francisco Chronicle columnist. Email: bjenkins@sfchronicle.com Twitter: @Bruce_Jenkins1