If this is your idea of fun then that might be the issue. (Picture: Getty)

The Daily Mail ran a story today which showcased a variety of men, all mourning for the fact that they can’t find a ‘good’ woman.

These men aren’t trolls. They’re not offensive to look at and they don’t seem like bad romantic prospects. Actually, they’re decent looking, solvent, perfectly normal seeming men. But they’re all happy to claim, publicly, that they’re swearing off women because they’ve been unable to find someone bearable to go out with.

What I Rent: Bailey and Maddie, £2,075 for a two-bedroom flat in Wembley

Of course the natural response to these blokes is to take the p*ss. They’re making sad faces into the camera and lamenting the fact that women want to get drunk or have sex. There is something faintly ridiculous about their complaints, and I fully understand why Twitter is full of people laughing at them.

But perhaps instead of laughing at these men (or maybe as well as…) we should address the true reasons that these men are struggling to find someone to love.




Spoiler alert: it’s their own fault.

Benevolent sexism

While they’re all keen to make the point that they have female friends (is ‘I’m not sexist, I have female friends’ the new ‘I’m not racist, I have black friends’?) the men in the Mail’s article display something called benevolent sexism.

It’s not that they don’t like women. They do like them. But they don’t see them as equals. If you’re dating a woman in 2017, especially a woman who is single in her 40s or 50s, she going to have her own life, her own patterns and her own ideals.

Lots of women, for instance, like sex. They might even make the first move. This doesn’t mean she’s a Jezebel who should be sent to live in a home for fallen women. You’re not obliged to have sex with her (of course) but please, don’t act like a proposition is akin to telling you she’s got a third boob.

She won’t need your protection, so you need to leave your White Knight complex at home.

Outdated ideas

Probably the most jaw-dropping quote of the article is where one man complains that he can’t respect a woman who wants to get drunk or wear revealing clothes.

Women get to choose what they wear, what they drink, where they go and what they do. It’s their life and their choice. If you think that a person’s merit lies in what they choose to clothe themselves in, you’re being extremely short-sighted and judgemental.

The world has moved on. I can entirely understand how a man who had been out of the dating game for decades might be shocked by how the liberation of women has changed their behaviours. We often go to public houses unaccompanied these days, and some young ladies are even venturing outside without their hats and gloves.

To be serious, if a woman’s behaviour is offending you, try questioning why. If she’s doing something that you wouldn’t find offensive from a male friend, what does that tell you?

Also, we don’t need you to walk on the outside of the pavement, pull a chair out for us or run around to open the car door. It’s sweet, but not in any way essential. If you want to do that stuff, try checking with a woman whether she’s okay with it. ‘I know you’re perfectly capable, but I’d like to’ goes a long way.

Why can’t you get one of those? (Picture: Getty)

Defensiveness



Dating is hard. You’re auditioning for a place in someone’s life, and rejection is frightening. Which is exactly why some men get defensive on a date. Being afraid that someone you quite like will knock you back can lead to problems.

Difficult as it is, try to open up and relax. A woman is not going to reject you for fun or for her own sick gratification. Don’t assume the worst, or go into it with the preconception that she’s going to rip you off and stomp on your heart.

Women are not witches. If she turns you down, it’s not because she’s a bad person or a con artist, it’s just because she didn’t click with you. Chalk it up to experience and move on.

Unrealistic expectations

No one wants to hear this, but here it is. Some people have unrealistic expectations. Men often accuse women of this fault, but let he who is without sin cast the first stone and all that.

If you’re a single guy who hasn’t been able to find a partner, there is probably a reason for that. Maybe you’re shy, maybe you’re busy, maybe you pick the wrong women. Or maybe you’re in denial about who is and isn’t in your league.

We’d all like to date someone who is stunningly attractive, successful, funny, interesting and charismatic. Not everyone can.

If you’re only interested in dating conventionally attractive women who are independently successful with a home-maker streak and a decent amount younger than you, then you need to ask exactly what it is you’re bringing to the party.


Men who really want to meet a woman to spend the rest of their life with might want to think about widening their perimeters or upping their own game. You don’t get to insist that your other half looks like a Victoria Secret model if you’re balding with a paunch.

Bad luck

It might not be your fault. You might not be a low-level sexist who thinks women are decorative and sweet and gets annoyed when they want sex. In which case, it’s probably just bad luck.

People of both genders can be dicks. There are trash men in the world, and trash women. Sadly, dating seems to bring those people out of the woodwork.

You could try a few different dating apps, and maybe even capitulate to your friends who want to send you on a blind date with that really great divorce they know, and if worst comes to the worst, you could always get a dog.

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