I bet he smells (Picture: Getty)

Hating dogs sometimes feels like society’s last taboo.

Whether you get sweaty palms when you see a Jack Russell on the street or just don’t much fancy a smelly, drooling Labrador sniffing your feet, you’ll know the strange mix of embarrassment and dread a distant bark can conjure.

But no matter how offended owners get, a fear of dogs, cynophobia, isn’t something you can just shake off.

If you are the kind of person who looks at man’s best friend and sees Cerberus, here are 21 things you will understand.


1. Dogs are literally everywhere.

They are on the Tube, sniffing around the school run and clogging up your local shop.



You have to practise constant vigilence.

2. Because every walk through the park is a test.

Don’t run, walk slowly, don’t look them in the eye.

Yeah, you could take that one, if you had to.

Oh, wet dog… lovely (Picture: Getty)

3. And every co-worker, fellow drinker and commuting buddy is a potential source of canine pictures and sudden encounters.

God help you if you can’t muster a simpering look in time.

4. Because while you see a slobbering hellhound, your mate expects you to react like he’s just shown you a picture of his newborn baby daughter wrapped in ribbons and bows.

5. Anything less than adoration makes you a social pariah.

6. And you’ll probably have to wait patiently while your friend explains that while you may not like other dogs, hers is different and you will just love Rex.

You don’t love Rex (Picture: Matt Cardy/Getty)

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7. Go on, just touch her, she’s so friendly.

No.

8. They just can’t understand the unique fear you feel when you knock on a new front door.

Your heart is in your mouth while you wait in trepidation to hear that horrible scamper, slide, bark that heralds what’s on the other side.

9. Or that doom laden tapping of claws on lino.

10. All you can really feel about the dripping maw and wet nose that is coming toward you is total disgust.

11. And you know that no matter how clean the house you’re in is… it still has that dog smell.

12. But you are genuinely grateful when the host understands and takes Rover to another room.

Please let me go… (Picture: Torin Halsey/Wichita Falls Times Record News via AP)

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13. You’ve become a champion at making chair forts to hide behind when the pub or restaurant you are in ‘welcomes doggy friends’.

And your mates know to rally round when one gets a bit too inquisitive.

14. Even though you’ve been known to jump when you see a cat or small child out of the corner of your eye.

They are just the right height and the adrenaline is already pumping.

15. Meeting another dog hater is like being a member of a secret club.



You get together and fantasise about a dog-free future.

It would suit you both perfectly if the Fangs and direwolves of this world would just disappear.

16. And you hold up horrific news stories about dog bites as a kind of vindication.

He’s watching you… (Picture: Getty)

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17. Even if you are aware on some rational level that it’s not the dog’s fault.

The owners should have trained them better.

18. And you don’t really have a problem with guide dogs and search and rescue hounds…

19. Even you get that a dog taking control of a tractor is kind of funny…

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Motorway drivers got held up for hours when farmer Tom Hamilton’s Border Collie Don took control of his tractor and wheeled it onto the M74 (Picture: AP)

20. Because you are trying to be big and grown-up and brave about the whole thing.

21. But deep down you know, no matter how unacceptable it is, you just hate dogs.

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