35. Ugh, but now my hands are full and I didn't grab a basket because I thought I was only going to buy one thing.

36. I'll just casually walk back up to the front of the store.

37. SHIT dropped the hairspray.

38. Why are you jerks staring at me like that?

39. Like YOU'VE never dropped anything before, Perfect-Hair Susie.

40. Like YOU'RE so perfect, Winged-Eyeliner Sally.

41. OK reached the baskets, at long last.

42. WAIT NO WHY IS THE ALARM SOUNDING I'M LITERALLY 5 FEET AWAY.

43. I'VE NEVER STOLEN ANYTHING IN MY LIFE, NOT EVEN THOSE JUNIOR MINTS FROM 7-ELEVEN EVEN THOUGH THE EIGHTH-GRADE BULLY TOLD ME I WAS A NERD IF I DIDN'T DO IT.

44. Phew, that's over.

45. Dumping this crap in the basket.

46. Back to my browsing mission.

47. On a scale from 1 to 10, how on point is my eyebrow game?

48. What I'm asking is should I spend half a day's pay on something called "eyebrow gel."

49. If I don't, chances are my unruly brows will cause me to miss out on professional, social, and romantic success of all varieties.

50. Better be on the safe side, into the basket with you.

51. Ooh, perfume! Glittering like an effervescent wall of promise!

52. MA'AM, DO NOT SPRITZ ME, SERIOUSLY DO NOT.

53. That one has such a charming bottle!

54. Just gonna try a tiny spray.

55. Oh cool, now I smell like floral baby garbage.

56. Maybe this other one will mask the stench?

57. Nope, patchouli barf.

58. I'll be fine as long as nobody comes within 10 yards of me for the rest of the day.

59. Wait, did that girl just apply a tester mascara directly to her eyelashes? Welcome to Stye Town.

60. I should just cut my losses and head for the checkout.

61. But NOT BEFORE I THROW THIS ADORABLY TEENY HAND LOTION IN MY BASKET.