The title of my post could be perceived as some random pop psychology quote, but let me explain, I do not mean it that way at all. Or I don't know, maybe I mean it that way, you decide!

First of all it would be fantastic if we could define failure. What failure means for me might not be the case for you. And it could come in a lot of ways. I could fail as a parent, I could fail at my job, I could fail to please my parents' expectations, I could fail to pass a test or get into what university I would like. Failure comes in a lot of ways, pretty different for each and every one of us. But it's there and it's something most of us don't seem to handle easily.

I have not ever taken failure easy, not as a kid, not as a grownup. What is it in failure that makes us so upset? I mean ok, if you try things you may as well fail now and then.

My dear Woody Allen says

If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.

It is true, isn't it? Ok sometimes, it may be your fault that you failed. You may not have studied hard enough for example. Again, it's ok. I don't say you shouldn't try or something, in fact I'm saying the exact opposite. Try once more. Yes, not succeeding sucks but not succeeding isn't always the same as failing. And even if you are indeed failing, what's the big deal? Who says we should always be ultra successful at everything we do?

I actually think life is full of hardness and possible failures (ok, some sweetness too) but we're not exactly prepared for that. Maybe it's our parents' fault (way to go personal responsibility, hehe) for not training us well enough to accept that it's all right if we fail. It's possible. The world won't come to an end and in the very case that a failure is an end to something then it could as well be a new beginning for something else. Let me go back to parenting a little bit.

It is hard for parents to see their children struggle and strive. We (and I say we even though I don't have a kid, but I'm sure it would be difficult to just let her/him be when the road is tough) don't want them to suffer, and sometimes we even fight their battles for them. Well, I can't think of a worst way to teach your kid about self-esteem and confidence. If we're constantly fighting for them how will they ever get up and fight for their own? It's not only that we don't teach them how, but it's also that we make them believe they're not capable of doing it on their own.

I read an article the other day (The gift of failure) and I definitely agree with what the writer says:

By protecting our children, we do them a double disservice. First, we insulate them from experiences that can facilitate growth and resilience. Second, by actively protecting them, we send them the message that they are not capable of coping on their own.

I'm not saying let them be and don't worry about them, I'm just proposing teach them how to fight! And teach them to accept failure by accepting it yourself, by making it a deal but not a hell of a deal.

Failure could be a way to do something differently, to be creative, or even to damp something forever. Whatever it brings I'd like to be open about it. Now that I'm saying all these "teach yourself to blah blah" I come to wonder who taught us being ok with failure? What if nobody ever taught you that? Well, maybe it's high time we learned that by ourselves. Sometimes I'm so afraid I'm gonna fail I don't even try. How many opportunities have I missed really? So... I guess what I'm saying is... I failed because of my fear of failure? Yes. I guess pretty much that's it.

image by CassieStarFox