Johnny Pushover is a brilliant man. A Harvard alum with an MBA and a law degree; completed at the same time. Johnny could make any complex problem appear simple to the dullest of men. Johnny was a true genius in every sense of the word.

He had a passion for winning, a passion for succeeding, and a passion for sports - specifically, basketball. Johnny worked with NBA teams from the tender age of 14 as an expert consultant. GM’s across the league filled the family mailbox with questions for Johnny.

Johnny, what do we do with our 1999 1st rounder?

Johnny, who should be our starting two-guard?

Johnny, we need to revamp the offense. Help us!

And Johnny would. He would help each and every team with particular issues that their meager collective minds couldn’t encompass. But Johnny had a problem.

He couldn’t say no.

Johnny was a pushover, and it’s quite an ironic coincidence that Pushover was also his last name. He was a people-pleaser through and through...But this isn’t a bad thing, right?

In 2017, after a few years of lecturing at Ivy League schools on over 40 topics, Johnny was ready to engage his pleasure principle and win and NBA title. He never actually played basketball (or any sport), but loved the amount of strategic thinking that went into the game on and off the court.

Johnny declared his interest through a written letter to all 30 NBA teams:

I, Johnny Pushover, will become an NBA General Manager and offer my services to the highest bidder.

Teams scampered to buy up good ol’ Johnny Pushover. Johnny thankfully hired an agent to find him the best deal, as the United Nations flew him out to Eastern Europe to help solve the severe heroin epidemic. If it wasn’t for that, Johnny would’ve probably accepted the first deal. He can’t say no, after all.

The bids started at $18-million, but his agent found this laughable.

“You can’t put a price tag on Pushover. He will turn the league on its head and bring glory to your organization in a matter of months.”

After a few weeks, before Johnny returned from Europe, every team offered the same thing; a lifetime contract and complete and utter control over the team as GM and President. Essentially, each team was prepared to hand over every single key to Johnny in return for his invaluable guidance. Billions and billions of dollars and insurmountable control at the hands of Johnny Pushover.

Johnny returned from his trip and had a decision to make. Any team, any brand, all his. Johnny put thirty names in a hat. Thirty teams, the first one his fingers to grasp is the team that Johnny will lead to legendary immortality engraved in the halls of basketball history.

Johnny closed his eyes, grabbed a paper and pulled it out. Fanbases, players, coaches, shareholders, everyone watched as Johnny’s choice was internationally televised. His hand emerged from the hat with a coveted piece of paper. He looked up, his words marching out of his mouth in ordered fashion.

“I have made my decision. I will be taking my talents to Indiana, and lead the Indiana Pacers.” (Random number generator choose 12. Indiana is 12th alphabetically)

Screams from the in-studio crowd. The screen pans to shots of bars and restaurants across Indiana, filled to the brim with fans in navy and yellow, crying, hollering, and embracing one another. Another shot, Reggie Miller, his head buried in his hands. Minutes ago he was covering Johnny’s decision for TNT, but emotion has overcame him. His coworkers patting him on the back, hugging him. He lifts his head and looks into the camera.

“We did it baby. We f***ing did.”

A Pacers hat was thrust onto his head and a Pacers polo thrown over his dress shirt from Johnny’s own best-selling formal attire clothing line.

A mob of hungry microphones fight for their spot in front of Johnny’s mouth; begging for a soundbite. Johnny, who has a small connection with Indiana -as he built over 35 homeless shelters in the downtown region during his off-week - glanced into the distance.

“I’m ready to make this state proud. Indiana strong.”

The crowds of Indiana erupted. As did social media.

The stage was set, the floors were waxed, and players spent the summers honing their craft, eager to show off their tuned skill sets.

But all NBA talk was dominated by Johnny and the Pacers. What must he do to bring a championship home to Indiana? This is where I come in.

I was hired by Indiana to outline every move that Johnny makes. I’ve never actually spoken to him, but when he takes a sip of his morning coffee I write it down. I, like you, was fascinated to see what this wondrous mind was going accomplish.

The first day of the season, the Pacers held a press conference for Johnny.

“What do you think about this team, Mr. Pushover? Are they poised for a deep playoff run?”

Johnny took no empty words in replying.

“Absolutely. We have a player in Oladipo who I believe could dominate this league one day. Elite talent. Young and hungry guys like Sabonis and Turner, spark plugs in Lance Stephenson and CoJo off the bench, plus savvy vets like Collison, Al Jefferson, Thad Young, Bogdanovic and others. This team - with the right guidance - could go all the way.”

Johnny had the ability to break players down into numbers in an almost unnerving way. He could watch a man play one game and instantly create completely accurate ratings in every basketball category. He could also put a number on how good someone was going to be, and created a 3-number scale. Age, overall, potential. Sabonis, for example, is a 21-79-80.

Pushover made some crucial moves in his first day in office. Opening day only three days away, he cleaned house in his staff. Replacing almost everyone with his former Ivy League colleagues. Specifically, Nate McMillan, was replaced by young coach Michael Stauffer, who resembles a strange mix between an eagle and a pale, diseased sea-creature.

Johnny took no time in making his first deal of many. (I did this one) Sending Alex Poythress PF-24-69-70 and Trey McKinney SG-27-67-70 to the Hawks for Isaiah Taylor, a point guard that Pushover labeled a 23-71-72.

He followed that up with a big trade to the Bulls, dealing Thad Young (29-78-79) and a 2018 2nd-rounder for Bobby Portis (22-79-79). Thad was making about $15-million a year, as opposed to Portis’ rookie deal, so this deal freed up a ton of space for a signing that would shake the NBA.

Bosh is a 33-83-83, and was the first big fish that Johnny was able to catch. Chris had met Johnny in Mexico while on vacation. Pushover was there advocating for a more structured cleanup of the oil spills. He shared a fine dinner with Bosh on the oceanside. The second Chris knew Pushover was going to lead a team, he knew he was going to join that one.

In other league news, the Lakers signed Tony Allen to a vet minimum along with the Hawks signing future billionaire Trevor Booker to a, uhm, vet minimum.

The Johnny-lead Pacers had a marvelous debut, beating the Nets 97-85. Bosh led the way with a 20-7-3 (always pts-reb-ast) on 7 of 11 shooting. He appears to have not missed a step.

The Cavs picked up Georgios Papagiannis on a 1-year $5.76M deal.

The Pacers dropped back to back games, and received a call from the Lakers before their fourth game of the season.

Johnny spent a minute in his office before emerging, papers in his hands. He spoke to the eager crowd.

“Tell the press. We’re making a deal with the Lakers.”

He mustn't of liked Lance’s spunky locker room presence, as he dealt him (along with Ike Anigbogu [19-68-78]) for Tyler Ennis and overpaid big-man Channing Frye.

This trade left the Indiana faithful scratching their heads. Lance was a legend in Indiana and a crowd favorite on a cheap 3-year deal. But alas, we must trust Johnny Pushover. The guy knows what he’s doing.

The Pacers won 4 of their first 10, as Stauffer continued to work out the kinks of the new personel. Things perked up a bit, as Oladipo and Bosh led the squad to an 11-9 record in the first 20, clutching on to the 6th seed in a league where Boston forgot how to lose.

Bojan Bogdanovic, having a solid 2017-18 campaign with a 9/2/2 split on 48/46/81 shooting, was dealt to the Hawks for Dewayne Dedmon and a 2018 unprotected second. Not a bad trade in theory, but many critics were poking holes in Johnny’s roster.

There was limited depth left on the wing - with Lance and Bojan gone - and they were forced to start Glenn Robinson III at small forward with no conceivable backup. To add, a logjam was beginning to stack-up at the bigman position.

Word was traversing around the league; for all of Johnny’s genius, he simply can’t turn down a trade. He initiated some great deals to land Portis and sign Bosh (if I don't say so myself), but since then, it’s fair to say his deals have been questionable.

Throughout the NBA, the Thunder sent Patrick Patterson to the Magic for Wesley Iwundu and Khem Birch, and Oladipo was 7th in guard voting for the Eastern All-Stars.

The season hummed along as Indiana held onto a firm 4th seed, handing Boston their 5th loss of the season (making the Celtics 28-5) behind a 36-6-6 on 17-26 from Oladipo.

Trades throughout the league picked up, as Pelicans E’Twaun Moore and Alexis Ajinca were dealt to the Wizards for a 2019 top-3 protected 1st rounder and Ian Mahinmi. The Hornets unloaded Nic Batum and a 2019 2nd rounder to the Nuggets for Wilson Chandler and Darrell Arthur.

Bosh went down with a minor knee injury and Indiana dropped four straight. The Raps’ dealt C.J. Miles and a 2nd-rounder to the Timberwolves for a 2021 1st-rounder and Cole Aldrich (wat).

Just when the waters looked calm at a 20-19 record, Johnny made a jaw-dropping trade on an offer from Brooklyn that he legitimately couldn’t refuse. The trade moved starting point-guard Darren Collison and backup point-guard Cory Joseph to the Nets for Jeremy Lin and DeMarre Carroll. A roster that Johnny previously profusely backed up with his words was changed drastically.

With no backup point guard above a 71, Johnny reached out to snag DRose, who he claims to still be a 76.

Word kept spreading like wildfire. Johnny Pushover - go figure - is a pushover. The Blazers salary dumped Meyers Leonard and G-League guard C.J. Wilcox to Indiana for Al Jefferson. Oh man.

Harkless was flipped to the Suns for Tyson Chandler. Joakim Noah and Luke Kornet went to the Mavs for a pair of G-League guys.

Nobody was safe. After receiving a call from the Heat, Johnny dealt Sabonis and Joseph Young for Wayne Ellington and Luke Babbitt. Sabonis was having a nice 8/6/2 season, but alas, he was dealt at the hands of ol' Johnny.

This was when I began to see him slipping mickeys of liquor into his coat jacket a little more frequently.

Despite the critics, Indiana kept doing alright. Oladipo, Bosh, Lin, Myles Turner, Portis, Carroll, Ellington, Rose, GRIII, Dedmon, Babbitt, Frye and rookie T.J. Leaf were doing their part to stay put in a 5th seed position.

In other areas, Langston Galloway and Eric Moreland left Detroit for OKC, as the Pistons got Andre Roberson and Raymond Felton. The Magic sent D.J. Austin to the Wizards for Tim Frazier and Jason Smith. The Knicks fired Hornacek, and the Rockets re-signed CP3 for a 4-year $142.21M deal.

Just as the dust began to settle and bromances began to blossom, Bosh’s sign-and-trade restriction was over. The Spurs called Johnny and offered him a deal that he accepted practically right away.

Chris Bosh was sent to San Antonio for Rudy Gay and G-Leaguer Darrun Hilliard.

A bold reporter said what was on our minds.

“Johnny, we here at PacerNation would like some justification for this move. I can’t seem to figure out how this makes sense.”

Johnny, his words a tad slurred from an afternoon with the Devil's nectar, took a rare second to respond.

“We need a damn winner, an... and Rudy Gay is a winner.”

Rudy Gay has played in one playoff series. Bosh is a two-time NBA champion. I don’t know what’s going on. Our Johnny was breaking right before our eyes.

Rudy Gay had a 23-5-3 game on 9-10 shooting in his debut, but the cohesion was off, as they dropped it 110-104 to the Suns.

The Spurs, fresh off the scent, sent another deal to Johnny, to which he actually immediately accepted.

Glenn Robinson III and the 2018 2nd-rounder from the Hawks for Davis Bertans. The deals starting to become a weekly occurance. The trade deadline is 13 days away. The Indiana faithful held their breath.

They couldn’t win with Rudy - dropping four straight. He got an offer from Minnesota and accepted. T.J. Leaf and Channing Frye for Jamal Crawford and Justin Patton.

“We need to win now.” Said Johnny, drunk.

The Nets sent Mozgov to the Kings for Vince Carter (Jesus, Sacramento).

We blinked and Portis was gone. Sent to the 76ers for Belinelli and a 2020 2nd-rounder. The 22-year-old was enjoying a 10/6/2 season with Indiana.

Tyler Zeller, Delon Wright and Brandon Knight all went down with season-ending injuries.

The Timberwolves, like the Spurs, liked doing deals in twos, as they pried Dedmon off of Johnny’s giving hands for Bjelica.

The trade deadline passed, and no phones buzzed in the Indiana office. You could hear the state collectively exhale.

The locker room - only Oladipo and Turner remaining from the offseason - was finally safe. Johnny’s excessive drinking ceased, for now.

Chandler Parsons and Andrew Harrison went from Memphis to Houston for Ryan Anderson and Brandan Wright. The Knicks traded Courtney Lee and Jarrett Jack to the 76ers for Justin Anderson and Jerryd Bayless. Donovan Mitchell ruptured his achilles, ending a season that may have resulted in rookie of the year honours.

The all-star break came, and Victor was sorely left out. His 17/4/4 season not strong enough.

Here’s how the standings are shaping up.

Sacramento, Phoenix, Orlando and Brooklyn (who’s pick is with Cleveland) led the tank race for a few coveted prospects.

Damon Davidson, a 6’9 21-80-90 Iowa State power-forward with a Draymond Green-like game is undoubtedly going first overall.

The next three will probably go anywhere over the next three selections.

Herman McCleod, from Xavier, a 6’1 22-77-92 point guard with a Chris Paul ceiling, and what appears to be a cleft lip.

Jason Lowe, a 21-78-86 power-forward from Syracuse.

Mirko Bosnjak is my favourite. A 20-75-99 Croatian PF who you would stash for a year in Europe, but could ultimately be the face of a franchise.

Everything beneath those four are a wash, but Johnny expressed his excitement with the depth. Our pick is predicted to be 17th, which in DraftExpress’ mock draft has us taking 23 year-old 68-80 5’9 point-guard Walter Walters from England (LOL).

The Nets fired Kenny Atkinson amidst their poorly timed tank, and the season chugged along. The Pacers locker room safe from being dealt.

Indiana clutched onto the 7th seed for dear life, Chicago only a few games behind.

The Hornets fired Steve Clifford, the Grizz fired Bickerstaff, and the injury bug hit Indiana. Bertans went down for the season and Broke his arm; 6-8 week recovery. Babbitt is the starting power forward. I repeat, Babbitt is the starting power forward.

Johnny may not have been so crazy after all. The Pacers clinched a playoff spot, and took down the Warriors 92-83 during a 5-game win streak. Our wins are team wins. Nobody is carrying in truth. Just solid contributions from Victor and the boys.

The season came to a close with Indiana’s ragtag mixed bag of assets owning the 7th seed, primed for a series against the Celtics, who slipped a bit to end the season, Philly usurping them for 1st.

Curry won the MVP with a 32/7/8 season on 52/47/94 percentages. Ben Simmons won ROTY with 15/8/6. Shabazz Napier won 6MOTY with a promising 12/3/5 season. Drummond got DPOY with a nutty 17/14/4/2(stl)/2(blk). Kris Dunn got most improved with a 10/5/6 year. D’Antoni got COTY with a 68-14 record in Houston.

Somehow, someway, Johnny Pushover led a team to the playoffs despite saying yes to every single trade he was offered.

Indiana stole game one in Boston, 100-94. The Celtics, who started the season at 32-4 (or something) looked human again. Jeremy Lin lead the way with a 17/1/4 outing. Smart shot 2 of 8, 1 of 5 from deep. Tatum went 1 of 7. (1-0 Indiana)

Boston evened the series with a 110-96 win. Kyrie had 30/1/7 and they all shot way better, besides Smart going 1 of 8. Lin lead the Pacer charge again, with a 19/3/6 game. Oladipo filled it up with 13/3/6, 3 steals and 2 blocks, but it wasn’t enough. Into Indiana for game 3. (1-1)

A nail-biter in Indiana, but Boston prevailed 108-107. Kyrie had 28/2/7 and Marcus Morris had 19/5 on 9 of 9 shooting. D-Rose had 17, Lin had 16/1/5, Oladipo went quiet and Rudy Gay shot 2 of 11. (2-1 Boston).

Another close one but with a different victor; we won it 119-117. Victor finally led the team in scoring with a 21/4/4, 3 steals game. Rudy Gay (who’s leading the Pacers in playoff rebounding) had a solid 18/5/3, 3 steals outing. Hayward had 16/8/7 and Kyrie threw up a 25/4/5 game. 2-2 baby, there may just be some meaning behind Johnny’s madness.

87-82 Boston, in what (I guess) was a defensive battle. Oladipo laid an egg; 2 of 13 shooting. Belinelli didn’t help with 3 of 11. D-Rose had 15/2 and 0 assists. Jamal Crawford had 12, and Rudy Gay had 10/11/2. The Celtics scored evenly across the board, and put the ball in our court. (3-2 Boston)

Boston closed us out, and the Johnny-hype from the beginning of the season came to an end. Oladipo - apart from game 4 - was as unassuming as could be. Lin carried the majority of the load.

Philly (1) swept Milwaukee (8). Washington (4) took down Toronto (5) in 5. Cleveland (3) took 7 games to beat Detroit (6).

In the West, Houston (1) beat Minnesota (8) in 5. Denver (4) swept New Orleans (5). The Spurs (3) beat OKC (6) in 6. Golden State (2) almost got the boot via Portland (7), who they beat in 7.

In a saddening shock, Nene and CP3 went out for the playoffs with respective injuries. Nene somehow found a way to break his thigh. Curry is playing through a nasty pinched nerve in his back, greatly reducing his abilities. Batum, who’s on the Nuggets, sprained his ankle.

Houston (1), without CP3 and Nene, lost in 7 to Denver(4). Golden State (2) swept San Antonio (3)

Washington (4) pulled a HUGE upset on the 76ers (1). Boston (2) swept Cleveland (3).

Golden State (2) took down Denver (4) in 5 games, and are looking to repeat against the Celtics (2), who beat Washington (4) in 5

.

Golden State beat Boston in 5. Curry won finals MVP. Season, over.

“We have a lot of thinking to do.” Said Johnny, buzzed.

The draft was approaching, and the window of trading was about to open back up. With the precedent of Johnny Pushover accepting every trade, teams were eager to snag pieces off Indiana for cheap.

Dirk, Vince Carter, Pierce, The Jet, Pau Gasol, Ginobili, Korver, Wade, David West, Calderon, Matt Barnes and Metta all retired.

Of those, Dirk, Wade, Pierce and Vince were inducted into the hall of fame. Sorry Pau/Ginobili. Ginobili would have jersey retired with the Spurs. Sorry Pau.

In what must’ve been an eventful negotiation, the league decided to abolish the luxury tax. I don’t know what to say.

The top of the lottery goes

Atlanta

Phoenix

Dallas

Cleveland

Sacramento

Memphis

We have the 18th pick. Johnny might just end up taking old faithful Walter Walters.

The 2018 draft was here, and it went as predicted. Power-forward Damon Davidson (21-81-99 ... *gulp*) went to the Hawks. Cleft-lip point guard Herman McCleod (22-78-92) went to the Suns.

Miami traded Whiteside and Bam Adebayo to the Mavs for their 3rd and Dwight Powell. They proceeded to take SG Matthew Moody (24-70-82)

Cleveland took SF Henry Carpenter (22-77-89) 4th.

The Bucks gave Sacramento Khris Middleton for their 5th overall pick. C’mon Vlade. With it, they took 2-year Euro-stash, 7'3 center Vladmir Vujanic (22-72-87) from Lithuania.

The Hornets proceeded to further push the bill of insanity as they sent Kemba to Orlando for their 6th overall. The Hornets weren’t done, dealing Dwight (f***ing) Howard and Cody Zeller for the Grizzlies 7th. Full blow up. Charlotte had the 6th, 7th and 8th overall picks.

OH MY GOD THEY DIDN'T STOP. Charlotte dealt Frank Kaminsky and Marvin Williams to the Lakers for their 10th overall pick and the 76ers 2019 first rounder (WHAT THE…). Charlotte is going to be vicious in like 2-3 years.

Sacramento continued to be incompetent and traded Bogdan Bogdanovic to the Knicks for their 12th overall.

A bunch of weird, pointless trades took place before our pick at 18. We ended up taking 6’8 small-forward Bryan House (21-71-77) from Memphis. Ceiling around Jae Crowder.

“As GM of this team, I can’t wait to see Bryan prosper with a long and strong career here in Indiana.”

The reporters slapped their knees in laughter. Johnny’s once impeccable reputation had been severely tarnished.

(Walter Walters went to Portland!)

To recap, a bunch of real s*it happened, and the Hornets drafted at the 6th, 7th, 8th and 10th spot, resulting in:

(6th) PG Denilson Pessoa from Brazil (19-72-82)

(7th) PF Jason Lowe (!!) from Syracuse (21-77-88)

(8th) SF Brevin Battle from Connecticut (22-76-82)

(10th) SF Milos Novak from Lithuania (21-72-75)

Not bad Charlotte, not bad.

Rudy Gay (for some reason) declined his $8.83M player option. Jamal Crawford accepted his $4.54M option. In the association, Durant and Paul George declined their respective player options.

***

Johnny sat at his office, with his leather shoes propped on his desk. He spoke to me for the first time in our lives.

“We got a whole new season to right this ship.”

He swigged from his mickey of liquor.

“No luxury tax, a hungry roster and an offseason of possibilities.”

I tried to dance around the question.

“Well, Johnny, do you plan on making any trades?”

He looked down.

“Well, maybe. If someone makes a call I’ll certainly entertain the idea.”

I visibly concealed a chortle.

“Well, uh, let’s make the most of this offseason I guess.”

Johnny Pushover looked me in the eyes and brought his feet from atop his desk back under his seat.

“We must. The quicker I win a championship, the quicker I can go on to making this world a better place. I don’t stop doing things until they’re done, kid.”

I’m 36.

He continued.

“I will keep grinding this out until I bring Indiana their first championship. If it’s the last thing I do. Mark my words, I will bring the ship home to Indiana if it’s the last thing I ever do.”

The offseason awaits.

Meanwhile, front offices throughout the NBA began to open their checkbooks for the hundreds of hungry free agents ready to exploit the benefits of a market free from a luxury tax.

This is going to be a wild ride.