NEW YORK—With its promise to help users “find that special someone,” the new dating website jcrashplus.com launched earlier this month, inviting all single Hebraic peoples with a BMI above 25 who have lived through an airline crash to start a free trial membership. “Since I joined JCrashPlus, I’ve already been on three dates with Jewish girls over 200 pounds who escaped from smoke-filled aircraft cabins via an emergency slide. I couldn’t be happier,” Brooklyn, NY resident Josh Green said of the website, which allows members to filter their search for Orthodox, Conservative, or Reform Judaism, cause of crash, and most frequent late-night snack craving. “Believe it or not, I even came across a girl who survived the same crash as me, but she was a little too thin and devout for my tastes.” Green went on to state that he isn’t looking for a long-term girlfriend right now, just a casual hookup with whom he can go to Buffalo Wild Wings after Shabbat services and trauma counseling.

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