I have so much to say and I’m still struggling to find the words.

The White Sox just put the entire MLB on notice really damn quick. I know general managers and personnel of all sorts are scrambling, knees weak and legs trembling. This is a huge dosage of pure despair shot straight into the veins of every single team that exists in the MLB. They still exist in the MLB… for now.

When an opposing team arrives to US Cellular Field for a series against the White Sox, not only are they the unluckiest bunch of players if they have to face Chris Sale and Jeff Samardzija in the same series, but they have to go up against the K Zone and the Shark Cage now.

If teams are not legitimately afraid to face the Sox when these two are pitching back-to-back at US Cellular, then nothing… and I mean nothing fazes them.

Cubs fans, I know this is hard. It’s going to be difficult for quite some time and everything will be okay. Kris Bryant is going to hit a billion and a half baseballs over the ivy clad brick walls, Lester will probably throw 25 perfect games, but now the White Sox have two fan sections ready to bring the Cell down when two legitimate Cy Young contenders are hurling.

If you have a problem with this promotion by the White Sox then you should stop watching baseball. This is simple yet genius. You can cry desperation all you want, but I see it as smart. The White Sox struggle with attendance, that’s just fact. We’re not the most loyal bunch, myself excluded of course, and we’ll find any excuse to not go out to the ballpark on a given night. Weather, poor performance, you name it and I’m sure a White Sox fan has said it.

With all of that laid out, the fact of the matter is: fans love free shit.

If Chris Sale is pitching and you buy a $20 ticket, (YEAH, YOU READ THAT RIGHT. TWENTY DOLLARS) you get a shirt, a ‘K Card’ to hold up, and of course a seat to park your ass in and watch some baseball.

When Jeff Samardzija follows that up on the next night, and you buy another $20 ticket, you receive a ‘Shark Cage’ hat, a fin-shaped ‘K Card’ and once again, that pretty little seat to watch the Sox run through their poor victim.

I would be absolutely shocked if Sale and Samardzija don’t combine for an undefeated record at home. The Cy Young battle is taking place right here in the south side Chicago, no where else.

P.S. I basically own the Chris Sale K Zone, the White Sox just don’t know. I appeared in a video that promoted the K Zone and you can click on the picture below to watch it. Yes… I did have an earring in. I’m a big old dumby who went through a phase. Want to fight about it?

–Maloney