More support and services are needed for embryo donors such as Natalie Parker. Credit:Glenn Campbell "She was just thinking about the baby, and now she's got the baby she wants to enjoy it herself and not acknowledge it's got other connections outside the family." Donor conception experts say the case as told – believed to be the first of its kind uncovered in Australia – exposes loopholes in the laws supposed to protect the rights of donor-conceived children, and the donors themselves. It also raises questions about the lucrative IVF industry's commitment to ensuring the welfare of all its patients. While the dated Facebook posts about the baby appear to match up with the likely transfer of Ms Parker's embryo in late 2014, it is possible the baby was conceived by other means. The recipient – whom Fairfax Media has chosen not to identify – has not answered phone calls, texts or emails about the matter. IVF Australia, the clinic that facilitated the embryo transfer, told Fairfax Media it could neither confirm nor deny the existence of the dispute due to patient confidentiality.

Embryo donor Natalie Parker with her sons, Angus, 5 (left) and Hugo, 3. Credit:Glenn Campbell "It's a very, very sensitive matter," medical director Peter Illingworth said. "I have no comment to make." But Ms Parker said Associate Professor Illingworth rang her two weeks ago with the devastating news that it appeared she and the clinic had been misled by the embryo recipient. She said he apologised to her, saying he felt responsible. "He said 'it looks like she's decided to pass the child off as her own, and not inform anyone'," Ms Parker said. Associate Professor Illingworth has not responded to Fairfax Media's requests to confirm the details of his conversation with Ms Parker – all of which were put to him and IVF Australia. The Facebook pictures of the mother and baby vanished last week, when the recipient stripped her profile.

It wasn't an easy decision for the Parkers to donate their unwanted embryos. While they wanted to help another couple fulfil their desire to have a baby, those three extra embryos were their genetic offspring, potential siblings for their two young boys Angus and Hugo, and represented the same hopes and dreams they had for their living children. "When we transferred the embryos I went through a stage of grief because these potential children wouldn't be part of our family in the same way that our other children are," Ms Parker said. But she consoled herself with the knowledge they had made a directed donation, stipulating they wanted ongoing contact with any children born via this arrangement, and to foster a relationship between the genetic siblings. It was a condition to which the Sydney couple the Parkers met through an advertisement on the Embryo Donation Network website readily agreed, Ms Parker said. Having endured multiple failed IVF cycles, the Sydney woman had sought out an embryo donor in a last-ditch attempt to realise her dream of a baby.

Ms Parker and her donor recipient quickly built up a rapport over emails, seen by Fairfax Media, exchanging details of their families and lives. "Both [my husband] and I myself are happy with any contact you wish to have," the recipient emailed Ms Parker in August 2014. "It can be as little or as much as your [sic] comfortable with. We are just grateful for choosing us." Ms Parker said that as part of the donation process, the two couples agreed to remain in contact after the birth of any child, exchange yearly photos and occasionally meet up with their respective children so the genetic siblings could know each other. "I felt happy knowing that we would still have contact and be able to offer the child access to their genetic history, and give them a sense of who they are, where they come from, and understanding of bits of their personality that make them unique," Ms Parker said. Donor conception experts say it is crucial for donor-conceived children to know their genetic history. "It can be important to people's identity formation, their sense of self, or their familial history and kinship," Macquarie University associate professor of health law Sonia Allan said. Some want to know their family medical history, or meet their donor and siblings, while others fear forming a relationship with a relative.

The transfer of Ms Parker's embryo was due to take place in early November 2014. "If all goes to plan I should be able to do ET [embryo transfer] around 5 November," the recipient wrote to Ms Parker in an email seen by Fairfax Media, dated October 10, 2014. "I'm super excited to start," she said, signing off "forever grateful". However, there was a hold up getting Ms Parker's embryos to the recipient's clinic, so on November 18, Ms Parker emailed her recipient, "I just got a call from the lab at ISIS [Fertility] and the embryos have been picked up so they are on their way to Sydney now." Ms Parker did not get a reply. A year later, IVF Australia called Ms Parker out of the blue. The transfer of two embryos had failed, with the recipient advising them over the phone of bleeding. What did the Parkers want to do with their last embryo in storage?

"Weeks turned into months and I couldn't decide what to do with it," Ms Parker recalled. "Should I try and find another family, or should I destroy the potential of a life?" But something else was bugging her. "I thought it odd that the recipient didn't want to use one last attempt at making a family." So last month, Ms Parker tracked her down on Facebook. There on the recipient's page she was stunned to see photo after photo of a little baby boy. A boy who she said looked "strikingly" like the Parkers' son Hugo, and who, going by the dated posts, appeared to have been conceived at the same time as the embryo transfer. On January 20 this year, the recipient posted a photo on Facebook of the baby captioned "five months today". This suggests he was born on August 20, 2015, which is approximately nine months after Ms Parker's embryo would have arrived at the clinic in Sydney. Feelings of betrayal, anger, frustration and grief swept through Ms Parker, who immediately suspected something untoward had happened.

"I trusted them," she said. "I feel taken advantage of, and incredibly sad that there is a child out there who I helped to create, and who is a part of me and my heritage, who potentially will never know where they came from." Ms Parker contacted IVF Australia the next morning, hoping they would prove her worst fears wrong by telling her the embryo transfer didn't happen as scheduled. "A big part of me is really hoping that the dates don't add up and all this anguish is for nothing," she emailed the clinic's quality compliance and risk manager. Instead she was informed that Associate Professor Illingworth was reviewing the case and would "make a plan". "We are definitely investigating this matter further for you," wrote IVF Australia's risk manager in an email dated February 25 and seen by Fairfax Media. "I hope that you are both OK." Ms Parker said the clinic told her they asked the recipient to come in for a blood test to confirm whether or not there was a pregnancy when she advised them of bleeding, but the woman declined. Ms Parker said that when Associate Professor Illingworth called her, he said the clinic had been unable to contact the recipient, but that based on the date the clinic transferred the embryo, and the information on Facebook, it appeared the child was the result of her donated embryo.

"He said '[the recipient] is doing herself a grave injustice'," Ms Parker recalled, which she believes was an allusion to the potential harm the alleged deception could do to the child. Ms Parker said Associate Professor Illingworth offered to apply for the Parkers' details to be placed on the donor conception register, so there was a record of their embryo donation even if it wasn't linked to the child born. When Ms Parker discovered the Facebook photos a month ago she also sent a "hi, how are you going?" email to her recipient, to give her an opportunity to volunteer the information she'd had a baby. She didn't hear back until 10 days ago. "Things are good. Just trucking along. Yes, Time has flown," the recipient wrote, making no mention of any baby. A day later she wiped her profile from Facebook. Fairfax Media has repeatedly attempted to contact the recipient, indicating the identity of the child or the recipient would not be revealed in any story. She declined to answer questions about whether the child was conceived as a result of the donation or whether she had agreed to keep in touch with the Parkers.

IVF Australia has declined to answer questions about its procedures, including whether it could guarantee this was the first time such a case had arisen or whether it would change its processes. Associate Professor Allan said there was no direct requirement in law for clinics to follow up on whether a baby was born as a result of an embryo transfer. "At present everyone relies on the people who have had donor treatment coming back and being honest, but if they don't, there could be plenty of kids that never make it onto the [donor conception] register," she said. Associate Professor Allan believes the NSW register could be improved by copying systems in countries such as the Netherlands, where donor details are recorded as soon as they make a donation, then linked to details of the recipient when the embryo is transferred, and it is assumed a child is born unless the recipient can prove otherwise. She also thinks NSW should follow Victoria's lead and attach an addendum to birth certificates, stating the child is donor conceived. Ms Parker says she feels violated by her traumatic experience, but ultimately her priority is the welfare of the child. The Parkers still hope their family can resurrect a relationship with the baby they believe is their genetic relative. Ms Parker is determined to advocate for changes to donor conception laws to prevent this happening again.

"I acted in good faith by giving a gift to a couple, and as a result I feel like I have been let down by a system that has loopholes in it," she said. "You give this big gift and nothing can be done afterwards it seems."