Why oh why could I not find a clip of Joe D’Amato’s Contamination .7 (aka Troll 3 aka Creepers)?! It so deserves to be featured here! Here are nine more very special trailers and clips…

The Nostril Picker (1993)

Directed By: Mark Nowicki

Starring: Carl Zschering, Edward Tanner, Laura Cummings

The Nostril Picker; well, sometimes I am my own worst enemy. A serious lack of nose picking amoung countless other issues. What do I know? Someone on IMDB called the film brilliant. Home made trailer from GOLDTV…

Zombie Bloodbath (1993)

Directed By: Todd Sheets

Starring: Chris Harris, Auggi Alvarez, Frank Dunlay

It almost seemed liked Todd Sheets intentionally set out to make the worst zombie film ever. I think my favourite part of this particular clip is where the guy escapes a horde of zombies and immediately runs right into another horde of zombies. I did not watch Zombie Bloodbath 2: Rage of the Undead.

The Hidden II (1993)

Directed By: Seth Pinsker

Starring: Raphael Sbarge, Kate Hodge, Jovin Montanaro

Rivalling Xtro II: The Second Encounter for worst sequel of all time is this little bit of rubbish sans Kyle MacLachlan, and Michael Nouri. A big part of the appeal of the original film is Kyle MacLachlan, and Micheal Nouri. The Hidden II is bad in every respect. My favourite part of the trailer is the part where they say…“with outstanding special effects”….oh no, they did not just say that?!

A few of the other titles I failed from 1993; Doppleganger, Ghost in the Machine, Carnosaur, Back from Hell, Amityville: A New Generation, Contamination .7 (Troll 3), Night Trap, Stepmonster, The Neighbor, The Dark, Mandroid, Things, Gorotica, The Witching

Revenge of the Red Baron (1994)

Directed By: Robert Gordon

Starring: Mickey Rooney, Tobey Maguire, Laraine Newman

Seriously, what the fuck? The Red Baron?! Personally I would have liked a Spiderman sequel featuring The Red Baron as the nemesis.

Shatter Dead (1994)

Directed By: Scooter McCrae

Starring: Stark Raven, Flora Fauna, Daniel ‘Smalls’ Johnson

Another crummy zombie film. This slow moving unappealing flick was not easy to get through.

Almost Dead (1994)

Directed By: Ruben Preuss

Starring: Shannen Doherty, Costas Mandylor, John Diehl

Holy crap! Problem number one Shannen Doherty plays “a brilliant psychiatrist”. Problem number two, everything else. Wow. The dialog really is something else and there is so very much of it.

A few of the other titles I failed from 1994; Hellbound, The Club, Possessed by the Night, Demon Keeper, Regenerated Man, Ceremony, Return of the Boogeyman, Twisted Tales, Black Heart, Class of 1999 II: The Substitute, Beyond Bedlam, Scanner Cop.

The Fear (1995)

Directed By: Vincent Robert

Starring: Eddie Bowz, Heather Medway, Ann Turkel

Yeah, something’s wrong all right lady, someone thought a wooden dude would be scary. What this group needed was a crate of beavers.

Proteus (1995)

Directed By: Bob Keen

Starring: Craig Fairbrass, Toni Barry, William Marsh

Someone posted a clip of the shark-monster transformation finale scene, but it was six minutes long. This trailer doesn’t make the film look appealing but it doesn’t capture the film’s crappiness either. I am guessing the director was a big fan of Carpenter’s The Thing.

Grim (1995)

Directed By: Paul Matthews

Starring: Emmanuel Xuereb, Jack Chancer, Peter Tregloan

Holy crap! According to IMDB Grim had a budget of $1,000,000 (estimated)! That is far scarier than any of the film’s contents! The creature was terrible (although admittedly unintentionally amusing). Everything about Grim is pretty awful but I think it was the downtime and long lingering camera shots with no purpose that really did it in.

A few of the other titles I failed from 1995; Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest, Hideaway, The Mangler, Mosquito, Werewolf, Deadly Sins, Sorceress, Night Terrors, Toughguy, Alien Terminator, Howling: New Moon Rising, Raging Angels, Mutant Species, Frostbiter: Wrath of the Wendigo, Shadow Creature, Freakshow

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