WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Harshly criticizing the current occupant of the White House, Dick Cheney told reporters on Wednesday, "Iraq would be stable today if I were still President."

"ISIS is a problem that President Obama has made possible," Cheney said during a press conference on Capitol Hill. "I never would have let that happen when I was Commander-in-Chief."

He said that he would listen to President Obama's speech on Wednesday night about destroying the Islamic State in Iraq and al-Sham, but admitted that he was not expecting much. "Quite frankly, whenever President Obama talks about Iraq he sounds delusional," he said.