HALIFAX, NS – After decades of riveting Canadian period dramas lulling the nation to sleep, network television has decided to produce yet another historical Canadian television show in order to make use of many of the other previous shows’ costumes, sets, and storylines.

Maples in The Northern Lights is a slow-moving, chaste, mid-1900’s drama about the struggles of a girl growing up poor in an industrial, postwar, Yukon town. Starring Gordon Pinsent and Martha Burns, with cameos from Paul Gross and Susan Coyne, Maples in The Northern Lights is Anne of Green Gables-meets-Anne of Green Gables: The Sequel-meets-Anne of Green Gables: The Continuing Story-meets-Anne of Green Gables: A New Beginning-meets-Road to Avonlea-meets-Bomb Girls-meets-Murdoch Mysteries-meets-Alias Grace-meets-Emily of New Moon-meets-Wind At My Back-meets-Vikings meets-The Frankie Drake Mysteries.

“We had all these pinafores hanging around and we didn’t really have any use for them – that’s when we had the great idea to throw them all together and create Maples in The Northern Lights. It’s a bit of a mish mash of different eras, clothing-wise, but honestly, whatever,” says production assistant Paula Lambert, dressing an extra in an 18th century ball gown and a mountie hat. “This is from Due South. Not exactly a period drama, but what else am I going to do with that uniform, honestly?”

Maples in The Northern Lights is expected to be very well-received by Canadian television viewers, following a tried-and-true formula for Canadian historical dramas that is designed to appeal to a demographic looking to watch stories that have absolutely already been told.

“In some episodes we just reuse scripts too. Saves paper,” confides Lambert.

“I want my television to be predictable,” says Cameron O’Shea, 67. “I want to turn on my TV and know I’m not going to be seeing anything with plot twists or groundbreaking dramatic acting. I’m not interested in any of that. I’m really excited about Maples in The Northern Lights. I hear it’s like Anne of Green Gables-meets-Anne of Green Gables: The Sequel-meets-Anne of Green Gables: The Continuing Story-meets-Anne of Green Gables: A New Beginning-meets-Road to Avonlea-meets-Bomb Girls-meets-Murdoch Mysteries-meets-Alias Grace-meets-Emily of New Moon-meets-Wind At My Back-meets-Vikings meets-The Frankie Drake Mysteries. I like all those shows. And the costumes are dandy.”

At press time Maples in The Northern Lights is said to be the most popular show on Canadian television amongst viewers who died with the television on.

Image via Pixabay