“We are progressing into the new millennia,” stated Sky Blue F.C. public relations officer, kit manager, marketing director, ticket sales manager, twitter supervisor, and custodian Janet Evans. “Today we can announce that all returning and new players will have access to running water.”

According to insiders, last season Sky Blue just told players to ingest water via absorption of the atmosphere or gathering rain, with players setting up a community rain barrel on the corner of the practice field.

However, as part of their effort at revamping the club, Sky Blue took the suggestions of “Should have water,” seriously and made this a new part of their recruiting efforts for 2019.

“We hooked up an extension to a water hose across the field,” stated Ms Evans. “And it’s very crisp and very cold! We want to announce to all players that they should come play for Sky Blue and see our community garden hose! It’s the way of the future.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Sky Blue F.C. administrative staff petition to owner and New Jersey Governor Philip D. Murphy about a crimped hose only to receive a return message of, “who is this?”