My name is Aaron, I am from a small seaside town called Southport just outside of Liverpool in northwest England – and I’m a gay Mormon.

I am a floral designer, I enjoy running, hiking and love to go on adventures around the world. My parents converted to the church just before they got married and I was born and raised a Mormon.

I came to the self-realization I was gay when I was 16. Looking back I should have known at an early age, when my brother was out playing football and I was at home creating my pretend flower shop.

But I did not tell anyone else until I was 24.

Through my teenage years and into my early 20s it would have helped me so much if the topic had been discussed in the youth program and in YSA (young single adult groups in the church).

I wish I had seen someone in church who was openly gay and making it work within the ward or stake community (the groups Mormon congregations are organized into).

It may not have changed my apprehension to talk about my sexuality with my family or church leaders. But it would have given me hope for my possible future.

Can you be gay and Mormon?

When I first started to come out as gay to my local leaders and family, I was told that I would have to make a decision. To be gay or Mormon.

I really struggled with this as both were very much a part of who I am. Both were very important to me.

I love the fact that I am a Mormon and I also love myself as a gay man. I thought: ‘Why can’t I be both gay and Mormon, a gay Mormon?’ Two words that I had never heard put together in the same sentence.

I did not know another LGBTI person in my ward and local area. I thought I may be the only one in the whole of England.

I felt alone in this journey to find my place within the church. I had no template to work with. I had not yet found groups and organizations to engage with and share experiences.

My family have always been very supportive of me as a person, but they were still learning and trying to understand the situation, just as much as I was.

I continued to try and navigate my own way, finding the balance between my church activity and being gay.

The church leaders who made me want to run

I have met with my church leaders over the years and we have had very open discussions about LGBTI issues within the church.

On most occasions we have been very honest and open with each other, but do this in a respectful manner.

But I have been told things in the past that have really upset and offended me. In one case I was the first person who had come to my local leader to tell him I have feelings for men.

He was taken off guard, embarrassed to even talk about the subject. And the things he told me were very hurtful. There have been times I have left church after an interview or meeting and just wanted to run!

But because I have always loved the church and a strong desire to stay, I kept my cool and showed patience. I realized my local leaders were learning and trying to understand just as much as I was.

I am not saying this is always the case, but I knew that if I didn’t stay and empower change and understanding, it might be years before someone else would.

I’m glad I did not run, instead I stayed and carried on as normal.

Word slowly spread across the ward and the stake and it became common knowledge that I was gay.

At first people were unsure what I was going to do, they thought I was going to leave the church, start drinking and drop all that I believed in.

But when they saw I was still attending church, fulfilling my calling and staying very much active within the church. They embraced that fact I was gay and Mormon, and admired what I was doing.

Bringing my boyfriend to church

I also started dating a guy.

This was the first time I had been completely open about being gay and did not hide the fact I was in a non-sexual relationship with anyone, including church leadership. I took him to church on a regular basis, we sat together in sacrament meeting, attended church activities and acted in a way that any straight couple would, when they were at church or in public.

Applause and love from my stake

Shortly after I was called to be the chairperson of the Stake Activities group. This put me in a very public role and gave me the opportunity to interact with many people across the stake.

The stake presidency was well aware at the time that I was gay and I had told them that I was not going to hide that fact, I also would not shout it from the roof tops either. I would just carry on as normal, and fulfill my church responsibilities.

I went on to organize and direct many activities, shows and events. And I had amazing experiences along the way. One experience I must share happened while directing a stake musical of ‘A Christmas Carol’.

Imagine: the sister playing the role of Mrs Cratchet was absent. I jumped in to say her lines to keep the flow of the rehearsal going. The character Scrooge turns to me and says: ‘Your husband is none of my concern.’

Well everyone around watching the rehearsal thought this was really funny, that he had just referred to my husband. Even though it was a tiny thing, just the fact that people found this funny filled me with hope and joy.

The fact the cast I had been working with for most of a year accepted me and supported me for who I am was amazing.

From that small experience came so many discussions and raised awareness. This even inspired someone to come out to me the following day, and I was able to give them advice and guidance.

On the closing night of the show, I got up to give my thanks to the cast and crew for their hard work. They then presented me with a gift and thanked me.

I will never forget that moment when the cast, crew, family, friends and hundreds of people applauded me. I couldn’t hold back the tears. I had got acceptance and love from the members of my stake.

Why serve the church when it doesn’t support you?

There’s one question I have frequently been asked, by people both in and out of church: ‘Why do you give so much time and energy to an organization that doesn’t fully support who you are?’

My answer to them is because they need my support. And more importantly there are people in the church, just like me, who need that support and need to see a gay man actively engaged in church, making it work.

At the first LGBTI European Affirmation Conference I uttered the words I had been longing to say since I was 16: ‘I am a GAY MORMON, I know God loves me, he loves me for exactly who I am.’

This was such a landmark moment for me and the response from the ward I had grown up in was overwhelming. My journey had come to an amazing place, I am making it work.

Change

I have seen change in people through this journey. A change in their understanding, a change in their awareness.

The relationships I have built up over the years with local leaders has been so valuable. Speaking to one past stake president recently, he thanked me for helping him to get to a point of greater understanding and awareness of what it is like for LGBTI people in the church.

I continue to serve in my local stake working with the Stake Activities Committee and technology. I love to serve in the church as much as ever. Whatever my circumstances are in life, I will always attend and serve the church as much as I am allowed to.

I was also appointed president of the LGBTI Mormon group, Affirmation Europe, in 2015. It has been a pleasure to get to know so many LGBTI Mormons leading this group in the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-Day Saints.

It is wonderful to see the difference Affirmation can make to someone’s life, to feel part of a community and to know there is always someone to talk to. I look forward to the future of Affirmation in Europe and finding the people who need the support it can give.

I am not saying this is an easy journey and the journey is certainly not over. But it is my goal, my challenge, it is the journey I want to take.

The circumstances and people close to me helped me in this journey greatly. I am gay and Mormon.