Greetings fellow liberals! In this section of the primer we discuss various organizations that support our agenda. The ACLU is our front organization which gives us credibility on the issue of free speech. We have them declare themselves non-partisan but as we all know organization that declares themselves non-partisan is lying. It is useful to us as it fools the less informed members of the country.

Free speech has always been a difficult issue for us which makes the ACLU all the more important. After all how can we be against free speech when the saintly ACLU says that all Democrats are good and all Republicans are evil. This is perfect as we do not really believe in free speech anyway. Democrats get free speech. Republicans and conservatives have the right to keep quiet and do as their told. The public has plenty of things going on with their lives and getting more information will just confuse them. All they need to know is that we are right and the other side is wrong.

Aside from the credibility boost the ACLU serves two other major functions. To channel and divide.

Channel

The first major function of the ACLU is to make sure that any free speech that is harmful to Republicans is encouraged and heard by as wide an audience as possible. Any time organizations like the KKK or anything Neo Nazi wants to hold a rally or march it is the duty of the ACLU to encourage it. If we could pay for their transport and venue we would as well. In fact we may already be doing that. Do you ever notice how the KKK only becomes relevant every 4 years and they only hold rallies in swing states that we believe we have a shot at winning? In 2016 it was in North Carolina. You would think they would do so in other more Republican states, but that’s a discussion for another time. By encouraging these groups we make sure that all the gays, jews, and women in the country feel that we are the only thing standing between them and the ovens and concentration camps. They have no chance of convincing people of their viewpoints anyway and left alone they may just wither and die. That is the last thing we want to happen.

Control

The second function of the ACLU is to control free speech. Do you ever notice that the ACLU is silent whenever figures like Shapiro, Coulter, and Milo are shut out of universities? This is by design. The only time the ACLU would speak out on it is when the issue is over and the speech has been cancelled. The last thing we want is for Republicans and conservatives who have a chance to convince other people to speak in public. The fact that these three are gay, Jewish, and a woman just complicates the issue. The last thing we want is for these communities to identify with people who think differently from Democrats. It would defeat our purpose of keeping them on edge at all times.

I hope this has made you realize the importance of the ACLU. They are just as much a part of the Democratic party as the DNC. Don’t forget to donate to them. Match me!