Advance Australia Unfair! But we could yet take the human rights abusing crown from Saudi Arabia thanks to our kick-arse treatment of asylum seekers. No, not just our hot new legislation removing all references to the UN's Refugee Convention and denying rights to people stopped in vessels on-water where the retraction of any need to act fairly or within international law when performing turnbacks means we no longer have to worry about boring stuff like ensuring asylum seekers can get safely to a foreign port - which is weird, since the government's been so very gosh-darn worried about stopping all those deaths at sea, right? And no, it's not just because we're leaving people stuck in countries with no asylum seeker policies, like Malaysia and Indonesia, to starve on the streets. No, it's the fact that leaked documents from the currently-suppressed inquiry into the death of Iranian asylum seeker Hamid Kehazaei has found there was almost a day's delay between when Manus Island authorities requested an urgent medical evacuation and when it was approved.

You might recall that Kehazaei died after a cut on the foot of the formerly healthy 24-year-old had turned septic. And let's just pause here and ask "how bad do your medical facilities have to be to fail to deal with a cut on someone's foot?" Labor is calling for the report to be made public. The Greens are calling for Immigration Minister Scott Morrison to be sacked. And the government are, obviously, saying nothing at all because why should they? After all: serves him right for having feet, surely? And speaking of which…

Still, winning the crown for Most Appalling Human Rights Record in the Western World could be a tough tournament since the the US government is bracing for the release of a report on the level of torture undertaken by the CIA. Spoiler alert: the level is "a whole lot higher than anyone has hitherto admitted". It basically confirms that suspects have been waterboarded - or "almost drowned", to use layman's terms - and security is being ramped up at embassies around the world just in case people get a little protesty in response. The report not only confirms that torture occurred, but also a funny little thing that most people kinda know intuitively: that torture has garnered no useful information from anyone. All the useful information people give up happens during regular, non-violent interrogation. This is because torture hurts, and people are willing to tell someone whatever they want to hear in order for the hurting to stop, regardless of whether it's true or not. You know this from when you were seven and you told your older cousin that you were indeed a big dumb poohead when he had you in a chokehold. However, high-profile Republicans are naturally opposing the release of this report because if the public finds out that the US has been illegally torturing people, the terrorists win.

"We're fortunate to have men and women who work hard at the CIA serving on our behalf," former president and torture enthusiast George W. Bush told CNN. "These are patriots and whatever the report says, if it diminishes their contributions to our country, it is way off base." Yep, you read that correctly. The former president insists that the report is "way off base… whatever the report says." That's a stirring commitment to ignoring reality, right there. When is a dumped co-pay not a dumped co-pay? When you still get to pay it! Speaking of reality, the government has now confirmed that it's dumping the whole "co-payment" idea for all medical consultations.

But before you start saying "wow, the government have actually listened to the people and changed their policy as a result!" - well, no. What's happened instead is that doctors will have their Medicare rebates cut by $5 for all non-concession card adult consultations. So either they can charge you an extra $5 to make it up, or they can just suck up the loss as punishment for choosing to do stupid things like minister to the sick. "I thought the position that we took to the budget was a very good position," the PM presumably joked in a press conference this afternoon, flanked by Health Minister Peter Dutton. "But I think this is a better one and obviously there are a range of conversations that we have with a range of different people in terms of coming up with this improved position." He didn't add "…also, screw doctors and all who ever consult them." But that was implied, obviously. Those treasonous writerly types

It's also worth taking a moment to condemn the seditious traitors Richard Flanagan and Bob Graham who committed an appalling breach of manners in front our Prime Minister only last night. Flanagan won his $40k Prime Minister's Literary Award for his Booker Prize-winning novel The Narrow Road to the Deep North. However, in his acceptance speech he announced that he was giving the entire amount to the Indigenous Literacy Foundation. "Money is like shit, my father used to say," he said, traitorly. "Pile it up and it stinks. Spread it around and you can grow things. If me standing here tonight means anything it is the power of literacy to change lives. The difference between my illiterate grandparents and me is two generations of free state education and literacy." This was clearly an insult to the PM who had already determined that not only is state education a total waste but that our First Nations people had everything sorted out by now. Otherwise Abbott - who's also our Minister for Indigenous Affairs, you might recall - would look like some sort of barbaric monster for cutting $534 million from Indigenous education, health, legal aid, translators, child development and other programmes and services in May. And if that wasn't rude enough, illustrator Bob Graham - winner of the Children's Fiction Award for Silver Buttons - announced he was donating $10k of his prize to the Asylum Seeker Resource Centre.