This San Francisco dating service doesn't allow photos—and starts at $25,000

Kelleher International has been around for 30 years as a matchmaking dating service for wealthy Bay Area singles. Kelleher International has been around for 30 years as a matchmaking dating service for wealthy Bay Area singles. Photo: Rolf Bruderer/Getty Images Photo: Rolf Bruderer/Getty Images Image 1 of / 35 Caption Close This San Francisco dating service doesn't allow photos—and starts at $25,000 1 / 35 Back to Gallery

Dating in San Francisco isn't for the faint of heart.

Maybe you just don't want a polyamorous relationship or a workaholic partner. Then there's that pesky gender gap ratio.

For a niche community of singles, dating in San Francisco can be solved by enlisting the services of experienced professionals. Kelleher International has been in the business of finding love for 30 years—and like everything in the high-priced city, it's not cheap with rates ranging from $25,000 to $250,000.

Known by many from its ads in glossy airline magazines, the S.F.-based matchmaking firm connects well-to-do, busy singles all over the world, including techies, executives and celebrities. Paula Abdul, Hoda Kotb and alpine ski racer Bode Miller are all past clients, according to the website.

“We work with people that are really the whole package and it's not because they can't get dates, it’s because their standards are higher and they should be,” said Kristine Givas, national director and head of network development at Kelleher. “The idea is that these are very busy people, which is very typical of San Francisco in general."

In addition to being busy, these clients don’t want to be targets of their own wealth and are willing to pay for this service rather than sift through options in a free dating app. “I was speaking with a woman earlier that has a decent amount of her own wealth [and she's afraid she's] a target because she’s a widow,” said Givas. “That’s part of the reason why we're talking, because she just wants to do this a little bit more safely.”

Price and an elite clientele are two things that sets this service apart. A no-photo rule is another. Unlike dating apps, Kelleher prefers to describe its clients and potential matches to protect the confidentiality of both parties. What's more, some clients just aren’t photogenic.

“A lot of people don’t have photos that are a good representation of how they really show up in person, so that photo piece is kind of tricky,” said Givas. “I will usually go through visual exercises with the client to get an understanding of what they're looking for.”

Clients will share pictures of people they’ve dated in the past and images of their celebrity crushes so Givas has a sense of what they’re attracted to. At the first meeting of a potential match, it's more like a blind date.

“They know a lot about the internal stuff, we definitely describe what they look like externally,” Givas said. “Sometimes I’ll even take photos and upload it to one of celebrity look-alike apps and say, ‘OK, a combination of these three people is what you can expect showing.’”

How it works

Before clients become members, they apply through a questionnaire and attend a prescreening meeting. Givas said that both she and the matchmakers work together to search for suitable matches either within their own client pool of 300 to 400 people, ages 20 to 60, or within their proprietary database of 100,000 singles.

“We’ll dig into people’s family background and other values around money [and] priorities in general, to help things be aligned so they can be a bit more efficient, and I would like to say mindful.” People within their network include business professionals who have been scouted by the firm, individuals who found the firm on their own (like via LinkedIn), or through referrals. “A third of our people actually come from referrals one way or another. We’re not stalking online, sitting in bars, going to shopping malls or anything like that," she said. "It’s a lot of internal, external networking where new people come from.”

Based on the physical and personality traits a client desires from a romantic partner, Givas will search the network or client pool, but that doesn’t mean a client will find "their person" by the end of their membership.

There's no guarantee, Givas said, because they are dealing with unpredictable human emotions. A client will receive as many opportunities to meet the right types of people as they desire. However, if the firm hits a wall, they might have to extend the contract or try a different approach.

In one successful case, a Bay Area real estate developer, who was a former client, matched through the firm and later married. Wedding magazine "Grace Ormonde Wedding Style" featured the couple's luxurious 2017 nuptials in the summer 2018 issue.

The dating mistakes people make

In the eight years Givas has worked at Kelleher International, she has seen it all. Women in their 20s and 30s often have baby on the brain, and they’ll interview a first date too intensely and sometimes bluntly ask, “How many kids do you want to have?”

She told me that women may tend to over-share, but so do men. That can work against them because it gives women the impression that they're needy.

Men initially tend to focus more on the visuals and won’t see red flags until it's too late, Givas said.

A shift in modern dating?

When it comes to dating in the Bay Area, Givas said more people are turning to the experts for guidance than they were 10 years ago.

“Dating coaches have become more acceptable, particularly in the Bay Area,” she said. “I feel like I’m encountering more people that have greater self-awareness because they’ve enlisted a coach of some sort."

We have four or five coaches on staff. I’ll suggest it [to a client] because that would also make their investment with us go further.”

There’s even one online dating app that’s already leveraging this service.

In May, Match debuted AskMatch, a feature that lets members have one-on-one phone call sessions with real dating coaches or professional matchmakers who can offer perspective.

Since May, New York and 10 other markets, including S.F., have had access to this feature. Even if it’s too soon to tell if AskMatch will be a hit with users, it certainly points to shifting attitudes and desires from modern daters.

Bay Area Dating Coach, a specialty clinic within the Engle Center in San Francisco and Emeryville, has dating coaches that help online daters improve their profiles.

The “online dating concierge” helps clients write and edit their profiles, search for potential matches, and even assists with drafting up messages clients can send through multiple apps including Tinder, Hinge, OkCupid and more.

“With online dating, a lot of people are looking for a handhold item where they really need somebody to look at their profile, their photos and help do some of the work for them,” said Jessica Anne Engle, director of the Engle Center and Bay Area Dating Coach.

So, has it become harder to date in S.F.?

After chatting with Givas and Engle, I had one big question for them: Has it become harder to date in San Francisco, specifically within the last five to 10 years?

“I do feel that people get frustrated because their lives are so busy and [they] don't want to do as much experimentation,” Givas said. “It can get exhausting doing random dating in the apps and I think that because their time is very precious, they do find that people on the apps can be more flaky. It can be very frustrating at any age,” Givas said.

Engle seconded that by stating that even though online dating has become more acceptable, some people will do more typing than actually showing up. Engle added that dating in the wider Bay Area has its pitfalls because it’s such a transient place, which can make it difficult to meet someone or even build community.

Still, Givas maintains a positive outlook on dating in San Francisco. “It’s such a dynamic market where there is a high concentration of singles and there’s a lifestyle that people love," she said. The journey there is so worthwhile. Be present, enjoy the moment and the people you meet along the way.”

Susana Guerrero is an SFGATE digital reporter. Email: Susana.Guerrero@sfgate.com | Twitter: @SusyGuerrero3