Lesbian [ lez-bee-uh n ] adjective of or relating to Lesbos. ( usually lowercase ) of, relating to, or characteristic of female homosexuality. noun an inhabitant of Lesbos. ( usually lowercase ) a female homosexual.

Lesbians are female homosexuals; same-sex attracted females. The world seemed to understand this when we could not marry each other, when we were forbidden to love one another, when none of us could vote and were expected to marry men and bear their children. We have been treated like deviants by society because we dare to love other women. Called perverts for our sexual attraction to each other’s bodies, it has been fine for men to fetishise every inch of us, but taboo for us to spend even a moment in mutual sexual engagement.

But now, just as society was catching up and it became the height of cool to attend a gay or lesbian wedding, our own “community” has pulled the rug out from under us. Now, they say, same-sex attraction is “gross,” “vagina fetishism,” and most crucially “transphobic”. Unless lesbians are willing to deny their sexuality and accept that men too can be female homosexuals (penis, balls and all), we are not welcome in the whanau that Dr Pihama and co describe in their letter.

Lesbians have been redefined by organisations that are supposed to be advocating for us and protecting our interests. RainbowYouth, an organisation that has a huge amount of influence in New Zealand and provides “educational resources” to the Ministry of Education, no longer refers to same-sex attraction. They prefer to obfuscate and use the word “gender” as it does not refer to biological sex and allows them to change the word “lesbian” entirely to include those who simply decide they are lesbian whether they are female or not. Even political parties have adopted this new language (see definitions from the Rainbow Labour Handbook). By simply swapping the word “sex” for “gender” they redefine “sexuality” to be about stereotypes and identity rather about sexual attraction to either the same or opposite sex.

Note that gay/lesbian is defined as being “attracted to [the] same gender”

From the Rainbow Labour Handbook

Those of us who have refused to see ourselves defined out of the realms of acceptability have faced intense hostility from others in our so-called “Rainbow Community”. The simple act of stating that we are attracted to female bodies and so are not attracted to transwomen is treated as a serious crime for which ostracism and bullying are deemed appropriate punishments. For a number of examples of this please check out the LRAA Receipts page.

Small groups of people have changed the meanings of these words without the consent of those of us who are described by them. This has led to sanctioned bullying and abuse even by those who should be working to protect the rights of women and lesbians to establish boundaries around their sexuality. MP Golriz Ghahraman has weighed in on the topic more than once and despite having taken on the role of championing ‘hate speech laws’ has engaged in some pretty awful conversations about lesbians. I ask the Green Party and MP Ghahraman if the below screenshots show acceptable treatment of a sexual minority.

I stated my same-sex attraction. I said I was a lesbian. Continued below.

MP Golriz Ghahraman joins in. I’m the mediocre and white one apparently.

It is these attitudes that see lesbians plagued by messages that reinforce that rejection of penises is “bioessentialist bigotry”. Articles that push the idea of transwomen as lesbians, and condemn the ‘evil TERF lesbians’ who pushback, are common place. Sexually explicit pieces emphasise the need to do everything in your power to not only satisfy transwomen but also to ensure you don’t offend them. Appropriators of lesbianism are now so confident in the support they will receive from purported feminists and the wider LGBTQ* community that they publicly taunt lesbians using hashtags like the recent #LesbianDayofVisibility one.

As hard as it is to believe, these are not satire.

An admission that gender and biology are being redefined. Oh and slur thrown in.

This is despite psychology and neuroscience determining homosexuality as not only the attraction to the same-sex, but feelings of repulsion towards the sexual organs of the opposite sex. Dr James Cantor (psychologist, researcher, and professor of atypical sexualities) describes this in his interview with Benjamin Boyce. It is unreasonable to demand that anyone deny their true sexuality in order to spare someone else’s feelings. It is really unacceptably manipulative to paint this as hatred and bigotry.

Lesbians tend to be a pretty staunch bunch. We’ve put up with a lot of crap over the years, but all we have asked for is to be treated like anyone else. We fought for decriminalisation and same-sex marriage all the while seeking to simply take our place in the wider New Zealand community. We achieved that (mostly) and that is why this Trojan-Horse-style attack from within our own community comes as such an unpleasant shock. I want everyone to be free to love who they love and support transwomen’s right to consensually love and have sex with whomever they like. However, redefining lesbianism to include them is not fair to those of us who it has always described. We have a right to our definition and our identity and to differentiate ourselves from heterosexual women who are attracted to male bodies. If you deny us, shame us, bully us, and ostracise us, it is YOU who is being hateful.

It is wrong that in asserting our sexuality and protecting our identity lesbians are excluded from Dr Pihama’s call for kindness and aroha. Our place in the community and support from allies should not be contingent on us lying about our sexuality and putting up with gaslighting. It is highly hypocritical to write an open letter calling for tolerance and support for the LGBTQ* community and then initiate an attack on lesbians who are simply living their lives according to the definition of lesbianism that has always existed. It is pretty brazen to demand people behave in a way you don’t yourself. Drawing up a web of conflict with every identity marker you can imagine is only going to result in a community that sees difference as threatening or a way to score points.

I have edited Dr Pihama’s original open letter in the hopes that seeing her own words used to reach out to and protect lesbians she might consider that our resistance comes not from hate. There is room for us all if we make it, but sacrificing one group for another isn’t an option.