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All you crazy kooks who doubt our accomplished and selfless elite and the institutions our elites manage are crazy kooks, willing participants in crazy kooky conspiracy theories that are both crazy and kooky. Also, Donald Trump was totally a Russian agent who did lines of emoluments off a hooker’s tummy alongside Putin in Moscow.

You look at something like America’s most notorious prisoner, Jeffrey Epstein, suddenly gacking himself in federal custody after having tried to do it a couple weeks ago, and you’re not wrong for wondering if maybe there’s a bit more to the tale than some short eyed strange-o choking himself out. After all, he was known to cavort with other elite pervs – mostly Democrats and at least one married to Felonia Milhous von Pantsuit. Certainly, it’s a reasonable possibility – probably the most likely possibility – that he opted for asphyxiation since his future was distinctly dank going forward. His new friends in the slam would be a bit old and male for his taste.

No, it’s not insane to think there might be more to it and to want to see what AG Barr’s dual investigations uncover. It’s interesting that Barr is having both the FBI and IG investigate. It’s almost as if he doesn’t trust our institutions either in the wake of Epstein getting Lee Harvey’d.

Basically, the best-case scenario here is that our government is unbelievably incompetent, not a particularly soothing thought. But the alternative is that it is corrupt and criminal in ways we can barely imagine. There’s an even less soothing thought. I can’t wait until these Einsteins take over my health care and are no longer restrained by the citizen veto of the guns we bitter normal people have, so far, wisely clung to.

The fact is you cannot trust our institutions. They are not, and have not been, operating in the interests of Normal Americans for quite some time. They have degenerated into seedy scams run by, and for the benefit of, a garbage ruling caste that inherited the most powerful society in human history and seems determined to do in a couple generations what the Romans took a few hundred years to do – squander it.

Look at our useless Department of Justice. It gave Hillary a pass and basically rubbed it in our faces. If you or I pulled the classified material shenanigans she did, we’d could have been Epstein’s federal pokey pals. But James Comey – who we were duly informed by the smart set was a paragon of integrity – let her walk. Later, that Looming Doofus distributed classified material to his media pals to undermine the president we rubes elected and who he did not approve of, and so far he’s walking too. There are rules for them, and rules for us, and that’s not exactly going to reinforce our faith in our DOJ’s commitment to justice without an agenda, is it?

No.

How about the media? Why, they are brave truthtellers who perform the vital function of informing us, fairly and objectively, of the facts. And my unicorn, Chet, believes that. But none of us hornless headed humans do, not anymore. We’ve watched the liberal media go all in on the narrative and we’ve had it lying to our faces over and over again until it’s all background noise, just Fredo Cuomo yammering on endlessly in our ears as we wait for our delayed flight at the airport lounge. Yet these hacks, despite their commitment to a partisan position far to our left, demand to be treated as if they were neutral truthtellers, with all the respect and admiration due a guild of objective news-monks. Good luck with that, journaljerks. Democracy doesn’t die in darkness; it dies when our institutions shred their mandate to serve us and start serving themselves.

And that’s all they do – serve themselves.

Are you proud of academia? Are you impressed by the quality of the young people the universities are graduating? Do you often say, “Wow, what an excellent writer and clear thinker”? Me neither. I hire young people, and many of the ones I interview are terrible, totally unfit. You find good ones, ones who managed to get through the college assembly line without being ruined, and they are hobbled by a couple hundred grand in debt. That’s the system our elite built – one that rips off the futures of the young to fund its elite members’ lush sinecures in the present in return for meaningless diplomas in Intersectional Dance and Mongolian Transgender Poetry. And we’re supposed to pretend that our ruling class isn’t terrible, that it’s not capable of not merely gross incompetence but venal self-dealing and possibly worse?

Yeah, right.

The Iraq War? That went well.

The 2008 Wall Street meltdown? We got to mop up the mess they made.

Obamacare? Aren’t even the Democrats appalled by it, since they keep saying the current health care system is a disaster?

How about the border? Does that appear to have been handled for your benefit, or for the benefit of Democrats who want to import pliable new voters and big (allegedly GOP) businesses that want to not have to pay the wages actual Americans demand?

Oh, and society as a whole – how’s that going? Do kids seem better adjusted today? How are the roads we drive on? Don’t we have tens of thousands of Americans dying of opioids every year? Our straws melt in our mouths because it might be a degree hotter in a century – maybe.

It’s a wreck. That’s the legacy of our elite. We did not do that. Our alleged betters did that – it’s on them. Yeah, I know Trump’s our president – and he has been for about 30 months. This disaster didn’t start when Trump swore in, and he’s not going to be able to hose it out anytime soon. But at least he’s trying. We elected Trump because we couldn’t ignore the unfolding disaster any longer.

So, you have questions about Epstein’s death? Good, because you should. Our elite is a burning dumpster fire of failure that would have to exponentially improve to achieve mediocrity. If their track record wasn’t one of fiasco followed by foul-up over the last thirty years, maybe you could give it the benefit of the doubt. But then, a ruling caste that’s not utterly irredeemable would never have produced and partied with a Jeffrey Epstein in the first place, now would it?

For a look at what happens if the left wins, check out my action-packed yet hilarious novels about the United States’ split into red and blue countries, People's Republic, Indian Country and Wildfire. The Never Trump geebos have called them “Appalling” for refusing to suck up to the leftists like the Never Trumpers do, so that’s high praise indeed.