17 March 2004 | darkwebonlinedotcom

The last family on Earth have to contend with man-eating dinosaurs, a food shortage, and a space helmet-wearing gorilla from outer-space who wants them dead!

Fans of bad movies probably know all about this film. However, if you haven't had the pleasure of experiencing this infamous laugh-riot, allow me to explain...



The film opens with an arrangement of Sci-fi pulp magazines behind the opening credits, so you're obviously expected to throw your common sense radar switch firmly to the off position before viewing commences. Then we're introduced to a family, for some reason having a picnic in a quarry.



The young boy takes a tumble, and when he recovers, he finds Ro-man, conquerer of Earth and destroyer of mankind, hiding in a cave.



Ro-man. Now how would you describe Ro-man? How about a man (George Barrows) in a gorilla suit, probably left over from the forties, wearing an old-fashioned diving helmet with the visor blacked out, and a TV ariel sticking out of the top of his head? There are many legends of course about director Phil Tucker running out of cash and, unable to finish off the spacesuit, simply used an old leftover Gorilla custom. Let's face it however, would 'Robot Monster' be the cult favourite it is today if he had found the funds to finish the costume?



We discover the truth soon after our first encounter with Ro-Man; that Earth was attacked by the alien simian, who wiped out all but eight members of the population. We know this because Ro-Man's gleefully reveals the plot to his superior - 'The Great One' (also George Barrows in the same costume) - over a super hi-tech communications device. I write hi-tech communications device, but what what I actually mean is an old 1940s radio on a wooden table attached to a bubble-making machine.



Somehow, in the aftermath of Ro-man's destructive rampage, prehistoric creatures were unleashed (yes, it's the old 'One Million B.C.' (1940) footage reeled out for about the 1,500th time; and there's even footage from the antiquated 'Lost World' of 1925!). Thankfully, our poor family are helped in their struggle to survive by their doctor friend and his anti-everything serum, which protect them from Ro-man's deadly Calcinator Ray.



If you think this all sounds rather childish, well you're right, but this is fused with some quite unexpected adult themes. Ro-man murders the doc's child daughter, and then plans to mate with her older sister. You'd think that the intelligent and beautiful heroine of the piece (Claudia Barrett) would shudder from this evil, and probably smelly, beast, but she doesn't exactly shun him, even remarking 'Oh Ro-Man, you're so strong' as he drags her across the barren wastes to his cave.



Despite all this, 'Robot Monster' does seem to drag a little in the middle (not an easy accomplishment for a film only just over a hour long!), especially after the novelty of old fish-tank head wears thin. But if you love/like/can tolerate bad movies, you really do owe it to yourself to see this; it lacks quality of any kind.