Michelle Obama has talked about the marriage counselling sessions she attended with Barack, saying it helped them to work through ‘tough times’ after their daughters were born.

She was speaking to Oprah Winfrey at Barclays Center in New York on Saturday in front of a crowd of 15,000 people when she opened up about the ups and downs of her marriage to the former president.

She said counselling helped her to discover that she was responsible for her own happiness.

"Sometimes you need an objective person to just hear you out. If I’m going to show up equal in this partnership, I have to be able to make myself happy and so I had to stop focusing on what he wasn’t doing and start thinking about how to carve out the life that I wanted for myself, with or without Barack.

"The more I succeeded in defining myself for myself, the better I was in my partnership."

Michelle Obama's most empowering quotes Show all 10 1 /10 Michelle Obama's most empowering quotes Michelle Obama's most empowering quotes On the key to a successful marriage “In our house we don’t take ourselves too seriously, and laughter is the best form of unity, I think, in a marriage.” On Live with Regis and Kelly in February 2011. Getty Images Michelle Obama's most empowering quotes On not underestimating yourself "You may not always have a comfortable life and you will not always be able to solve all of the world's problems at once but don't ever underestimate the importance you can have because history has shown us that courage can be contagious and hope can take on a life of its own." In a speech to schoolgirls at the Elizabeth Garrett Anderson School in North London in April 2009. Getty Images Michelle Obama's most empowering quotes On inspiring young people “I want our young people to know that they matter, that they belong, so don’t be afraid. You hear me? Young people, don’t be afraid. Be focused, be determined, be hopeful, be empowered… Lead by example with hope, never fear, and know that I will be with you, rooting for you and working to support you for the rest of my life.” In her final White House address in January 2017. Getty Images Michelle Obama's most empowering quotes On double standards regarding parenting “When a father puts in long hours at work, he’s praised for being dedicated and ambitious. But when a mother stays late at the office, she’s sometimes accused of being selfish, neglecting her kids.” At the "Let Girls Learn Event" in Madrid, Spain in June 2016. Getty Images Michelle Obama's most empowering quotes On the importance of diversity in film and TV “For so many people, television and movies may be the only way they understand people who aren’t like them… I come across many little black girls who come up to me over the course of this 7½ years with tears in their eyes, and they say: ‘Thank you for being a role model for me. I don’t see educated black women on TV, and the fact that you’re first lady validates who I am.'” In an interview with Variety in August 2016. AFP/Getty Images Michelle Obama's most empowering quotes On maintaining hopeful following the election of Donald Trump “See, now we are feeling what not having hope feels like, you know. Hope is necessary. It is a necessary concept. What do you give your kids if you can’t give them hope?” In an interview with Oprah Winfrey in December 2016. Getty Images Michelle Obama's most empowering quotes On motherhood "My most important title is 'mom-in-chief'. My daughters are still the heart of my heart and the centre of my world." At the Democratic National Convention in September 2012. AFP/Getty Images Michelle Obama's most empowering quotes On championing women's education “Men in every country need to look into their hearts and souls and ask themselves whether they truly view and treat women as their equals. And then when you all encounter men in your lives who answer no to that question, then you need to take them to task. You need to tell them that any man who uses his strength to oppress women is a coward, and he is holding back the progress of his family and his country.” In a speech at the summit of the Mandela Washington Fellowship for Young African Leaders, July 2014. Getty Images Michelle Obama's most empowering quotes On dealing with bullies “When someone is cruel or acts like a bully, you don’t stoop to their level. No, our motto is, when they go low, we go high.” At the Democratic convention, July 2016. Getty Images Michelle Obama's most empowering quotes On the meaning of success "Success isn’t about how your life looks to others. It’s about how it feels to you. We realised that being successful isn’t about being impressive, it’s about being inspired." In a speech at the Oregon State University commencement, June 2012. Getty Images

She said she tries to get across to young people just how difficult a partnership can be: "Marriage is hard and raising a family together is a hard thing. It takes a toll."

With an empty nest - Malia, 21, is at Harvard University and Sasha, 18, is at the University of Michigan - they now have more "emotional time, emotional energy".

"We had to worry about what parties they were going to, whether there was alcohol, I had to know who the parents were, so every weekend for me was hard. And they’re gone, thank God.

"We have more emotional time, emotional energy. It’s just me and him and [dogs] Bo and Sunny and dinner. And they don’t talk, the dogs."

Her marriage comments ended on an uplifting note, in which she said friendship is at the heart of their relationship.

Michelle Obama reads things she couldn’t say as First Lady with Jimmy Kimmel

"We’re coming back to that point where we see each other again because some of the hardest times in our lives we just escaped, we survived it.

"We went through a tough time, we did some hard things together. But now we’re out on the other end and I can look at him and I still recognise my husband. He’s still the man I fell in love with."