Not too bright

These are one-liners that you really don't want people to use to describe you. It's nicer to use these though instead of calling someone an idiot. But be careful - if someone is intelligent and you use one of these babies on them, you may end up with a black eye.

1. Not the brightest light in the harbor. Not the brightest light in the harbor.

2. The light's on but no one's home. The light's on but no one's home.

3. Not the brightest bulb in the box. Not the brightest bulb in the box.

4. A few screws short of a hardware store. A few screws short of a hardware store.

5. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

6. A few cards short of a deck. A few cards short of a deck.

7. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

8. About as sharp as a marble. About as sharp as a marble.

9. Only has one oar in the water. Only has one oar in the water.

10. Smart as a bag of rocks. Smart as a bag of rocks.

11. A burger short of a combo meal. A burger short of a combo meal.

12. The elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor. The elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.

13. A few peas short of a casserole. A few peas short of a casserole.

14. A few keys short of a keyboard. A few keys short of a keyboard.

15. Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree. Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.

16. The gates are down and the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming. The gates are down and the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

17. As smart as a stick. As smart as a stick.

18. Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

19. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

20. Has an IQ of room temperature. Has an IQ of room temperature.

21. Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel. Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

22. Not the brightest crayon in the box. Not the brightest crayon in the box.

23. One twist short of a slinky. One twist short of a slinky.

24. Sharp as a sack of wet mice. Sharp as a sack of wet mice.

25. More numb than a frozen mukluk. More numb than a frozen mukluk.

26. Not the sharpest crayon in the box Not the sharpest crayon in the box

27. Not the sharpest tool in the shed Not the sharpest tool in the shed

28. They are depriving some village of its idiot. They are depriving some village of its idiot.

29. A few threads short of a sweater. A few threads short of a sweater.

30. A few sandwiches short of a picnic. A few sandwiches short of a picnic.

31. Driveway doesn't quite reach the road. Driveway doesn't quite reach the road.

32. The battery is not fully charged. The battery is not fully charged.

33. About as sharp as a bowling ball. About as sharp as a bowling ball.

34. Dumber than a bag of hammers. Dumber than a bag of hammers.

35. Two bricks short of a load. Two bricks short of a load.

36. A few clowns short of a circus. A few clowns short of a circus.

37. A few beers short of a six-pack. A few beers short of a six-pack.

38. Dumber than a box of hair. Dumber than a box of hair.

39. A few tacos short of a fiesta platter. A few tacos short of a fiesta platter.

40. All foam no beer. All foam no beer.

41. As smart as bait. As smart as bait.

43. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.

44. Forgot to pay his brain bill. Forgot to pay his brain bill.

45. The antenna doesn't pick up all the channels. The antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.

46. His belt doesn't go through all the loops. His belt doesn't go through all the loops.

47. Another brain would be lonely. Another brain would be lonely.

48. Missing a few buttons on his remote control. Missing a few buttons on his remote control.

49. No grain in the silo. No grain in the silo.

50. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

51. Receiver is off the hook. Receiver is off the hook.

52. Has a leak in the skylight. Has a leak in the skylight.

53. Too much yardage between the goal posts. Too much yardage between the goal posts.

54. Dumb as a donkey. Dumb as a donkey.

55. Not all the soldiers are marching in line. Not all the soldiers are marching in line.

56. Dumber than paint. Dumber than paint.

57. Half a bubble off plumb. Half a bubble off plumb.

58. A few fruit loops shy of a full bowl. A few fruit loops shy of a full bowl.

59. Donated his brain to science before he was done with it. Donated his brain to science before he was done with it.

60. A few shades beyond blonde. A few shades beyond blonde.

61. Has to take turns for the family brain-cell. Has to take turns for the family brain-cell.

62. A few watts short of a light bulb. A few watts short of a light bulb.

63. Dumb as a stump. Dumb as a stump.

64. Running on 3 cylinders. Running on 3 cylinders.

65. A few Bradys short of a bunch. A few Bradys short of a bunch.

66. Has the parachute but is missing the ripcord. Has the parachute but is missing the ripcord.

67. Would lose a debate with a doorknob. Would lose a debate with a doorknob.

68. Has an IQ lower than plant life. Has an IQ lower than plant life.

69. All telephone, no receiver. All telephone, no receiver.

70. One ski short of a snowmobile. One ski short of a snowmobile.

71. Wouldn't know if they were on foot or horseback. Wouldn't know if they were on foot or horseback.

72. The logs are ablaze but the chimney is clogged. The logs are ablaze but the chimney is clogged.

73. Eats soup with a fork. Eats soup with a fork.

74. The wheel is spinning but the hamster fell off (or is dead). The wheel is spinning but the hamster fell off (or is dead).

75. The cheese slid off his cracker. The cheese slid off his cracker.

76. The engine is running but nobody is behind the wheel. The engine is running but nobody is behind the wheel.

77. A few fuses short of a full circuit. A few fuses short of a full circuit.

78. A tire short of an eighteen wheeler. A tire short of an eighteen wheeler.

79. Doesn't have all the chairs at the table. Doesn't have all the chairs at the table.

80. Dumber than a bag of rocks. Dumber than a bag of rocks.

81. A shining example of why you should avoid inbreeding. A shining example of why you should avoid inbreeding.

82. A few pecans short of a fruitcake. A few pecans short of a fruitcake.

83. As fruity as a bag of Skittles As fruity as a bag of Skittles

84. Would argue with a signpost. Would argue with a signpost.

85. If you gave them a penny for their thoughts, you'd get change. If you gave them a penny for their thoughts, you'd get change.

86. Dumb as a salt shaker. Dumb as a salt shaker.

87. Has a mind like a steel trap: rusty and illegal in 37 states. Has a mind like a steel trap: rusty and illegal in 37 states.

88. Knitting with only one needle. Knitting with only one needle.

89. The result of too much chlorine in the gene pool. The result of too much chlorine in the gene pool.

90. Not the brightest bulb in the chandalier. Not the brightest bulb in the chandalier.

91. Not the quickest bunny in the forest. Not the quickest bunny in the forest.

92. The hard drive is spinning but the OS hasn't been installed. The hard drive is spinning but the OS hasn't been installed.

93. Not exactly running on all thrusters. Not exactly running on all thrusters.

94. A few toppings short of a Deluxe Pizza. A few toppings short of a Deluxe Pizza.

95. A few burgers short of a barbecue. A few burgers short of a barbecue.

96. A few roos loose in the top paddock. A few roos loose in the top paddock.

97. The wind is blowing but nothing is moving. The wind is blowing but nothing is moving.

98. The umbrella is up but there's no rain. The umbrella is up but there's no rain.

99. A few colors short of a rainbow. A few colors short of a rainbow.

100. As bright as a lamp in Aladdin's cave. As bright as a lamp in Aladdin's cave.

101. The boat doesn't have all the oars in the water. The boat doesn't have all the oars in the water.

102. A few boats short of a fleet. A few boats short of a fleet.

103. A monosynaptic cretin (Don't understand it? 'nuff said) A monosynaptic cretin (Don't understand it? 'nuff said)

104. A few noodles short of a chow mein. A few noodles short of a chow mein.

105. A few bristles short of a broom. A few bristles short of a broom.

106. A few snags short of a barbie. A few snags short of a barbie.

107. Doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt. Doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.

108. Hasn't seen the ball since kickoff. Hasn't seen the ball since kickoff.

109. The relative IQ of a deck chair. The relative IQ of a deck chair.

110. A poster child for birth control. A poster child for birth control.

111. A few players short of a team. A few players short of a team.

112. Couldn't hit the floor if he fell on it. Couldn't hit the floor if he fell on it.

113. A few sheep short of a flock. A few sheep short of a flock.

114. If you stand close enough to them you can hear the sea. If you stand close enough to them you can hear the sea.

115. They have an IQ lower than their shoe size. They have an IQ lower than their shoe size.

116. A few gunmen short of a posse. A few gunmen short of a posse.

117. As sharp as a pound of wet liver. As sharp as a pound of wet liver.

118. Not the quickest horse in the stable. Not the quickest horse in the stable.

119. Has a full six-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy that holds them all together. Has a full six-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy that holds them all together.

120. Most people drink from the fountain of knowledge, they only gargled. Most people drink from the fountain of knowledge, they only gargled.

121. Not the fastest ship in the fleet. Not the fastest ship in the fleet.

122. Ten cents short of a dollar. Ten cents short of a dollar.

123. A few boxes short of a pallet. A few boxes short of a pallet.

124. A few grams short of a pound. A few grams short of a pound.

125. Shipped but not delivered. Shipped but not delivered.

126. A few springs short of a watch. A few springs short of a watch.

127. A few bits short of a byte. A few bits short of a byte.

128. Only has half a cord in the woodshed. Only has half a cord in the woodshed.

129. The elevator goes to the top but the doors don't open. The elevator goes to the top but the doors don't open.

130. A cup and a saucer short of a place setting. A cup and a saucer short of a place setting.

131. If their nose was on upside down they'd drown in the rain. If their nose was on upside down they'd drown in the rain.

132. Three ice bricks shy of an igloo. Three ice bricks shy of an igloo.

133. A few marshmallows short of a bowl of Lucky Charms. A few marshmallows short of a bowl of Lucky Charms.

134. A few bales short of a wagon load. A few bales short of a wagon load.

135. Couldn't find their way out of a paper bag. Couldn't find their way out of a paper bag.

136. A few needles short of a sewing kit. A few needles short of a sewing kit.

137. One IQ point above brain death. One IQ point above brain death.

138. Any slower and he'd need to be watered once a week. Any slower and he'd need to be watered once a week.

139. Playing hockey with a warped puck. Playing hockey with a warped puck.

140. All booster, no payload. All booster, no payload.

141. Has some lug nuts rattling in the hubcaps. Has some lug nuts rattling in the hubcaps.

142. Nice house, not much furniture. Nice house, not much furniture.

143. Was hiding behind the door when they passed out brains. Was hiding behind the door when they passed out brains.

144. One board member short of a quorum. One board member short of a quorum.

145. Batteries not included. Batteries not included.

146. Lost contact with the mothership. Lost contact with the mothership.

147. A few cracker jacks short of a full box. A few cracker jacks short of a full box.

148. A few yards short of a touchdown. A few yards short of a touchdown.

149. Not the sharpest pitchfork in the barn. Not the sharpest pitchfork in the barn.

150. A few cowboys short of a rodeo. A few cowboys short of a rodeo.

151. He's got a bow but no arrows. He's got a bow but no arrows.

152. A couple pineapples shy of a luau. A couple pineapples shy of a luau.

153. A few roots shy of an apple tree. A few roots shy of an apple tree.

154. The phone's on but there's no reception. The phone's on but there's no reception.

155. If brains were dynamite, they couldn't blow their hat off. If brains were dynamite, they couldn't blow their hat off.

156. If brains were dynamite, they wouldn't have enough to blow their nose. If brains were dynamite, they wouldn't have enough to blow their nose.

157. A quick as a snail crossing super-glue. A quick as a snail crossing super-glue.

158. If brains were webbing, they couldn't put a set of gaiters on a sparrow. If brains were webbing, they couldn't put a set of gaiters on a sparrow.

159. His corn bread isn't done in the middle. His corn bread isn't done in the middle.

160. A few leftovers short of a bread pudding. A few leftovers short of a bread pudding.

161. Not singing from the same hymn sheet. Not singing from the same hymn sheet.

162. Not wrapped too tight. Not wrapped too tight.

163. Not all the dots are on the dice. Not all the dots are on the dice.

164. Have had more meaningful conversations with a brick wall. Have had more meaningful conversations with a brick wall.

165. A few plums short of a pie A few plums short of a pie

166. Ran out of gas before their car. Ran out of gas before their car.

167. Nice cage, but no bird Nice cage, but no bird

168. Left the scene before his body. Left the scene before his body.

169. A few dollars short of a paycheck A few dollars short of a paycheck

170. That bats are out of the bellfry. That bats are out of the bellfry.

171. Has a 4-wheel drive but only three are spinning. Has a 4-wheel drive but only three are spinning.

172. A few Prozac short of a prescription. A few Prozac short of a prescription.

173. Can't find their butt with two hands and a road map. Can't find their butt with two hands and a road map.

174. A couple shakes short of a sauce bottle. A couple shakes short of a sauce bottle.

175. A few people short of a party. A few people short of a party.

176. A pinky shy of a hand. A pinky shy of a hand.

177. A few leaves short of a bush. A few leaves short of a bush.

178. Not the tallest tree in the forest. Not the tallest tree in the forest.

179. Numb as a hake. Numb as a hake.

180. Not the fastest car on the track. Not the fastest car on the track.

181. Couldn't hit a target with an atomic bomb. Couldn't hit a target with an atomic bomb.

182. The laptop's on but there's no internet connection. The laptop's on but there's no internet connection.

183. Not the crunchiest chip in the bag. Not the crunchiest chip in the bag.

184. If they had a brain they'd be on the floor playing with it. If they had a brain they'd be on the floor playing with it.

185. One slice shy of a loaf. One slice shy of a loaf.

186. Out in left field without a catchers mitt. Out in left field without a catchers mitt.

187. A few megabytes short of a gig. A few megabytes short of a gig.

188. A few electrons short of an isotope. A few electrons short of an isotope.

189. A few grapes short of a fruit salad. A few grapes short of a fruit salad.

190. If he went any slower he'd have to speed up to stop. If he went any slower he'd have to speed up to stop.

191. Candy bowl not quite full. Candy bowl not quite full.

192. Fiddle's not in tune. Fiddle's not in tune.

193. If brains were electricity, they wouldn't have enough to light a firefly. If brains were electricity, they wouldn't have enough to light a firefly.

194. Their dipstick doesn't reach the oil. Their dipstick doesn't reach the oil.

195. A few feathers short of a duck. A few feathers short of a duck.

196. They aren't the most absorbent sponge in the sink. They aren't the most absorbent sponge in the sink.

197. Their dog teaches them new tricks. Their dog teaches them new tricks.

198. A few whiskers short of a kitten. A few whiskers short of a kitten.

199. The bicycle works but the training wheels wobble. The bicycle works but the training wheels wobble.

200. The army invades but they're full of beans. The army invades but they're full of beans.

201. Is a lost ball in high weeds. Is a lost ball in high weeds.

202. The pilot light has gone out. The pilot light has gone out.

203. Running a quart low. Running a quart low.

204. Brother was an only child. Brother was an only child.

205. Biscuits aren't quite baked. Biscuits aren't quite baked.

206. Have too many moving parts and only one string. Have too many moving parts and only one string.

207. Conducting without an orchestra. Conducting without an orchestra.

208. An open book but the pages are blank. An open book but the pages are blank.

209. Has one wheel in the sand. Has one wheel in the sand.

210. Not the crispest shirt in the closet. (used in The Persuader by Lee Child) Not the crispest shirt in the closet. (used in The Persuader by Lee Child)

211. The phone's connected but there's no dial tone. The phone's connected but there's no dial tone.

212. Would change a tire in the fast lane. Would change a tire in the fast lane.

213. As sharp as a mashed potato. As sharp as a mashed potato.

214. Hit bottom and kept digging. Hit bottom and kept digging.

215. An olive short of a martini. An olive short of a martini.

216. No seeds in their pumpkin. No seeds in their pumpkin.

218. Slow as a slug on dope. Slow as a slug on dope.

219. A few carrots short of a carrot cake. A few carrots short of a carrot cake.

220. Not rowing with both oars. Not rowing with both oars.

221. Has a mind like steel...wool. Has a mind like steel...wool.

222. Tuppence short of a bob. Tuppence short of a bob.

223. Not the sharpest cheese in the bin. Not the sharpest cheese in the bin.

224. A few atoms short of critical mass. A few atoms short of critical mass.

225. Not the brightest button in the blouse. Not the brightest button in the blouse.

226. The upstairs telephone line's been disconnected. The upstairs telephone line's been disconnected.

227. So dense, light bends around them. So dense, light bends around them.

228. Missing a spark plug. Missing a spark plug.

229. In a battle of wits unarmed. In a battle of wits unarmed.

230. Comes from the shallow end of the gene pool. (from The Lion King) Comes from the shallow end of the gene pool. (from The Lion King)

231. One player short of a solitaire game. One player short of a solitaire game.

232. Furniture's there, but in the wrong rooms. Furniture's there, but in the wrong rooms.

233. A few stars short of a galaxy. A few stars short of a galaxy.

234. A few tracks short of an album. A few tracks short of an album.

235. A few shingles short of a roof. A few shingles short of a roof.

236. If evolution was an experiment, their ancestors were the control. If evolution was an experiment, their ancestors were the control.

237. Hard to believe he beat out 100 million other sperm. Hard to believe he beat out 100 million other sperm.

238. A few drops short of a bucket full. A few drops short of a bucket full.

239. A few trees short of a forest. A few trees short of a forest.

240. Their banjo is short a few strings. Their banjo is short a few strings.

241. If their brain was on the edge of a razor blade it would look like a pea rolling down a four-lane highway. If their brain was on the edge of a razor blade it would look like a pea rolling down a four-lane highway.

242. All hat, no cattle. All hat, no cattle.

243. If I wanted to kill myself, I'd jump from their ego and fall to their IQ. If I wanted to kill myself, I'd jump from their ego and fall to their IQ.

244. Won't be bringing the tuna fish salad to the Mensa picnic. Won't be bringing the tuna fish salad to the Mensa picnic.

245. A few beads short of a rosary. A few beads short of a rosary.

246. One patty short of a Big Mac. One patty short of a Big Mac.

247. All sheetrock and no studs. All sheetrock and no studs.

248. A few castanets short of a mariachi band. A few castanets short of a mariachi band.

249. Three quarts low and leaking. Three quarts low and leaking.

250. Not the brightest fairy in the forest. Not the brightest fairy in the forest.

251. When brains were being handed out, they were at the end of the line. When brains were being handed out, they were at the end of the line.

252. They're fishing without any bait. They're fishing without any bait.

Updated Apr 21, 2020