British stars were out in force at the Corrupt Politician Awards, held last night in a luxurious but secret overseas location at the UK taxpayers’ expense. Jack Straw and Malcolm Rifkind showed that British sleaze is still as strong as ever and were delighted to pick up the top prizes of lucrative contracts with companies that may or may not exist.

‘It makes you proud to be British’ said the BBC’s Nick Robinson, from beside the red carpet, where the M.P.s posed for photographs by putting their hands over their faces before going inside to be secretly filmed receiving their cash prizes. ‘Britain has shown it is a world force when it comes to dodgy politicians. It takes you back to the hey-day of British sleaze.’

Back in the 1970s, these awards were dominated by the Americans, with Richard Nixon, his entire entourage, his Vice President Spiro Agnew and a host of senators and congressmen taking home a coveted ‘Sleazy’. But by the mid 1970s Britain was beginning to hit back winning some of the minor awards with a maverick Liberal leader and a Labour minister faking his suicide. But last night a host of British winners have shown the U.K. sleazeballs can compete on a world stage. ‘And this isn’t just about the awards’ said Nick Robinson; ‘Don’t forget all the jobs that will be created, and the wealth that will flow across the Atlantic into the Swiss banking industry.’

Best dodgy foreign politician went as expected to Dominique Strauss-Kahn, who gave a moving speech thanking the women in his life, which went on for some time. Best racist politician has not been declared yet, they are still reading out the hundreds of nominations from the list of UKIP Parliamentary candidates. But the night belonged to Jack Straw and Malcolm Rifkind, who won the top of awards of the night, and then charged the whole trip to expenses.

Unfortunately they foolishly gave all their prize money to last year’s winner, a Nigerian Prince who emailed them saying he would make them rich if they helped him release some frozen funds.