Ever thought that stepping out of the shower and drying yourself on $100 dollar bills might be just a little too ostentatious? Ever wanted to bathe in liquid gold but didn’t want to be judged in times of global austerity?

Well, never fear, for Amazon is selling a $800bn towel set, or $796bn, to be fair (£521bn). We’re guessing that stockists Portlight have made a fat-fingers keyboard mistake, or someone at the company has a very, um, dry sense of humour.

The towels, manufactured by Calcot Ltd and which apparently come in just the one colour – amethyst, obviously – are woven into “super soft Supima cotton loops using zero-twist technology”. We have no idea what this means either, but damn it, we need these towels.

The set, ludicrously, does not come with a free serf to hand-wash the towels using miniature bottles of Fiji water, and then dry them by soft whispering of compliments into the fabric, but are machine washable and tumble dryer safe.

The amethyst towel set available to buy on Amazon – for 700 billion dollars. Photograph: Amazon screengrab

The set does include two “generously sized” bath towels, two hand towels and two wash cloths (otherwise known as flannels).

The towers are “less prone to pilling”, which is a word we had to look up on Google.

“Functional and decorative fold-over edge is added to finish off an already perfect towel”, reads the description, and at least one punter agrees.

David H writes in his product review:

“This is quite possibly the best towel ever made. I had to take out a second mortgage on my house and sell my children into indentured servitude but it was way worth it. The cotton alone must have been grown in heaven. Every time I dry off I feel like I’m wrapped in joy. Sometimes I will take this towel to the lake and fish jump into my boat just to be near it. Where ever you are, this towel will attract attention.”

However, Jonathan M. Pryce is less than impressed:

These towels cost 12-figures and they’re not even Amazon Prime eligible??”

Clay P. is equivocal:

It’s alright.”

The average rating for the product is 3.8 stars, but we live in an imperfect world. You can order the towel set here. But, beware, postage and packaging is $4.49 shipping . Which, frankly, is a rip-off.