Despite a Reuters/Ipsos poll showing that only 9% of Americans support military intervention in Syria, the White House today assured the public that a more recent and reliable poll leaves no doubt that the President’s constituency favors war.

The poll was conducted by Defense Industries Systems Information, Inc. (DIS Information). It shows that 99.9% prefer increased U.S. military intervention. The poll has a .1% margin of error. DIS Information spokesperson Lyon Daly spoke to this reporter about the polling methodology and findings.

Lyon Daly: We use the same scientific polling methods as Reuters/Ipsos, but our job is to come up with results that support what our clients and the President want to hear without compromising quality. It’s very similar to the way the press provides facts without informing the public, and we even provide many such facts.”

Barb Weir: How do you do this and still maintain methodological integrity?”

LD: The Reuters/lpsos poll used all Americans as its base, whereas we used all constituents. Elected officials are much more likely to listen to their constituents than to random Americans.

BW: Who are these constituents? Can you provide us with a few subjects to interview?

LD: Of course. Here is a short list, and we can provide more, if you like:

General Atomics

Jabhat al-Nusra Friends of al-Qaeda

Halliburton Company

The American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC)

Kellogg, Brown and Root, Inc.

Saudi Arabian King Abdullah Bin Abdulaziz al-Saud

Northrop Grumman Corporation

Qatar Emir Tamim bin Hamad al-Thani

BW: But Mr. Daly, these are corporations, the Israel lobby, a terrorist organization and Arab monarchs!

LD: Of course, Ms. Weir. As I told you, we polled the President’s constituency, not the American public.