I shall now drink two cups of coffee and create ten jokes. Remember kids: Coffee can stunt your growth. And jokes can cause anal-ear disorder, also known as “ear-itated bowel syndrome.” OK, that counts as one of the ten.

2. Until the label says otherwise, I’m gonna keep assuming that a bottle of wine is 1 serving.

3. I think it’s rude that the barista asked me if I wanted to pay a coffee – I will never pay a fee to cough.

4. The hospital has a lot of parking spaces labeled, “Patient Parking.” But where do you park if you’re impatient?

5. Where does the stinging caterpillar, called the asp, sleep at night? Does it borough down into its asp hole?

6. Hello Kitty is staring a line aimed at street-smart, edgy kids, called Hella Kitty….

7. Forget streets lined with gold, I’ve heard that in Washington State, the potholes are actually filled with pot.

8. While Uranus is the planet that gets made fun of the most, Jewpiter is the planet that gets blamed for everything.

9. Every time I go to the lumber yard, I feel board. They usually call the cops.

10. I had a test today in Shop class and I really nailed it! Unfortunately, it was a written exam.

Without exception, these are all horrible jokes. I will never drink coffee again.

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Wash away the stain of these jokes with the delightful post underneath this flower: