NEW YORK—In an effort to prepare for any new revelations that might emerge about her emails during her tenure as secretary of state, Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton reportedly told her staff Tuesday to ready the launch of several electromagnetic pulses to disable all of the nation’s electronic devices. “If there are additional leaks, I’m going to need you to head directly to the command center in the basement of our headquarters, input your security authorization, and turn the EMP launch key,” said Clinton to her top advisors, explaining that detonating the missile-mounted thermonuclear warheads in the mid-stratosphere above Kansas, New York, and Los Angeles would immediately wipe out all electronic communications within the continental United States and much of Canada. “Every hard drive, server, and data center within the blast radius should be permanently erased. However, if we detect any remaining electronic signals in the fallout, we should be prepared to use the backup EMPs from our stockpile. The go word is ‘trustworthy.’” At press time, the Clinton campaign was targeting an additional EMP to explode over a row of unmarked warehouses in Moscow.

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