Here we are almost through the month of June. It is the season for vacations, rising temperatures, rising gas prices and weddings. A staggering 2 million couples get married each year in the United States, the majority in May, June, July and August. Also, the wedding industry in the U.S. generates $70 billion annually.

There is much debate as to the exact number, but renowned marriage researcher John Gottman maintains that roughly half of all marriages end in divorce. If that's the case, about 1 million of the happy couples tying the knot this wedding season are not likely to celebrate their 10th anniversaries. An April 2008 study conducted by Georgia State University economist Ben Scafidi concluded that divorce and out-of-wedlock births cost American taxpayers $112 billion a year.

Weddings hold seemingly limitless possibility and promise. They can be a beautiful, much-needed reminder of all that is right with the world. However, as a therapist in the business of helping couples maintain and strengthen marriages, I feel obligated to observe that the data referenced above would suggest our society would benefit with a little more emphasis on marriage-building.

For some unclear reason, it seems we humans tend to presume relationship skills come hard-wired into our beings; as if a pulse and a partner are the only requirements for truly satisfying, close, quality long-term relationships. To the contrary, great relationships are made, not born. They are both an art and an inexact science. Many people can, without much effort, settle into a long-term, comfortable co-existence, a partnership centered on kids, bills, business and career. But if they look within deeply, they might find a yearning and need for something more. Genuinely fulfilling long-term relationships require both study and purposeful practice. They call for maturity, responsibility, dedication and discipline.

I know it's certainly not very romantic to view lasting marriage as a science. It's supposed to be more love than laboratory, right? Yes, it is. But ask any couple who have been married more than five years and they are likely to witness that sometimes romantic love in and of itself is not enough. For my own wedding vows I felt it important to include the sage counsel that sometimes love is a gift and, at other times, a definite effort (just ask my own dear, patient, long-suffering husband of 11 years).

So for all you newlyweds and maybe not-so-newlyweds this wedding season, take up your hammer and your nail and prepare to use your hands and your head as well as your heart. Go ahead, enjoy the honeymoon. But soon after that, consider getting about the business of proactively building your marriage. The American Psychological Association shows successful completion of the following nine tasks on what makes a marriage work:

1. Separating emotionally from the family you grew up in - remaining connected but with a healthy separateness from your parents and siblings (Caution: No comments about Mama's boys or calling your mother 10 times a day).

2. Build togetherness based on a shared intimacy and identity, while simultaneously setting boundaries to protect each partner's autonomy (separate to stay together).

3. Establish a rich and pleasurable sexual relationship and protect it from the intrusions of work and family obligations (much easier said than done).

4. For couples with children, embrace the sometimes overwhelming roles of parenthood and successfully adapt to a baby's entry into the marriage (and baby makes three: not sacrificing your marriage for your kids).

5. Confront and master inevitable crises of life (tragedy, loss, phase-of-life challenges, illness, rising gas prices).

6. Maintain the strength of the marriage bond in the face of conflict. Partners are able to express their inevitable differences, anger and disagreements (it's better to get rubbed the wrong way than to not get rubbed at all).

7. Use humor and laughter to keep perspective and to avoid boredom and isolation

8. Nurture and comfort each other in an interdependent balance of encouragement and support.

9. Keep the spark alive - not losing sight of the fairy-tale qualities of the early relationship stage while facing the sobering realities of inevitable change.

Does reading this list leave you feeling overwhelmed, daunted? It certainly does me. Irrespective of the successful "completion" of all nine tasks, from my perspective, it begs the question: What would the outcome be for our society if we were as quick to employ the services of a marriage builder or marriage enhancer as we are those of a wedding planner? What if we devoted even half as much enthusiasm, excitement, energy, money and single-minded focus to the responsibility of building and improving our marriages as we do to planning our weddings?

Best wishes for much happiness.

Gina N. Farrell, licensed professional counselor, helps parents and couples build amazing relationships in her coaching practice Grow U. Inc. She can be reached at 912-665-1935 or growu@planters.net