On the heels of a recent proclamation of her bisexuality online, 27-year-old Kendra Huang has been contacted to provide concrete documentation of her previous relationships with women.

“I don’t even know who is asking me. I just got an anonymous email,” said Kendra. “It looks like it’s from the government? How did they even get my address?”

A coalition of women and men who are deeply attracted to Kendra formed in order to assuage their own insecurities about rejection by Kendra.

“Like, what kind of documentation are they expecting me to drum up?” Kendra said. “Should I have my ex-girlfriends sign some kind of disclosure agreement?”

“Yes, that’s exactly what we’re looking for,” says Kevin Foster, leader of the organization. “We need to see concrete evidence of at least one or two relationships with a woman before she can be seen as legitimate in the eyes of the bisexual court.”

“Plus, it will make me feel less bad if she doesn’t message me on Bumble even though we definitely matched last week.”

“It’s important that we keep our records up to date,” says Leah Strong, who is also deeply afraid of Kendra. “To prove the veracity of her claim, and also to ensure not just here to experiment with chicks before she leaves me for a man.”

For Kendra, this is all a bit ridiculous.

“I didn’t realize there was so much work involved in just describing who I am,” she said. “It doesn’t seem like people who identify as straight or gay need to do this much paperwork just to feel seen.”

“Honestly, I just want to appreciate all genitals in peace,” she added.