You stay classy, Florida Man. On April 12th, a police officer in Port St. Lucie, Florida, wound up eying more than he bargained for after pulled over an erratically-driven pickup truck...only to find the half-naked driver surrounded by sex paraphernalia and clad in underwear marked "Breathalyzer," with the phrase "Blow Me" near his genitals.

According to the police report, recovered by The Smoking Gun St. Lucie County Sheriff's Department officer Laine Drawdy noticed a dark-colored Dodge truck wandering across the lanes of U.S. Highway 1 at around 3:10am, prompting Drawdy to flip on his patrol car's lights and attempt to stop the truck over. The Dodge did indeed begin to slow to a near-stop, according to the report—but only long enough for the driver to open the door and lob an unidentified black object out of the vehicle before speeding up again. (The object was never recovered, in spite of a search attempt.) One block later, the Dodge's driver brought the truck to a stop in front of a Best Western, at which point Drawdy ordered the driver out of the vehicle and placed him in handcuffs, the report states.

It was then, according to the report, that Drawdy noticed the man—soon to be ID'ed as 54-year-old Daryle Campbell of Fort Pierce, Florida—was not only barefoot, but wearing nothing but a shirt and the aforementioned novelty underoos. While Campbell claimed he had just woken up and was on his way to help a friend fix a flat tire, Deputy Drawdy noticed that the middle-aged man not only had dilated pupils and a jittery demeanor, but also boasted the sort of well-combed, gelled head of hair not often found on the recently-awakened. Believing Campbell might be under the influence, Drawdy asked the man if he would perform a field sobriety test; according to the deputy's report, Campbell laughed and refused, claiming he had gout. He then refused to let the deputy examine him further for evidence of impairment, prompting Drawdy to arrest him on a charge of driving under the influence.