Two new theories have been making the rounds regarding Star Wars Episode VIII, and FSW has compiled them both into one leak-tastic story for you! After the jump, we dive head first into a sarlacc pit of rumors courtesy of our newest insider “Spoiler Horse.” Take these with a grain of salt, and obviously, SPOILERS AHEAD! Not just any spoilers either. These are SPOILERS STRAIGHT FROM SPOILER HORSE’S MOUTH. Giddy-up!

>After the opening crawl, and pan through space, we get a great shot of the Resistance starbird on a new ship. The movie starts with space buddies Poe and Finn.

>Picks up with Luke and Rey on Ahch-To. Luke is very upset, cold to Rey at first but warms up significantly when seeing Chewie and R2. >Luke has a Japanese samurai master vibe, Rey has to earn his teaching. The “I am your father” reveal is very early on but it’s after Luke tests Rey a bit. >Once both Luke reveals who he is, he launches into action, much likeROTJ Luke when he goes to rescue Han. >Rey/Luke dynamic is the emotional core of the film.

>Bad guys are pretty interesting, Benicio Del Toro is portraying Snoke’s right hand man, codenamed “Reaper”. >Snoke, Hux and Reaper [crap] on Kylo constantly. Kylo is very much the red-headed step child for [screwing] up so badly inTFA, although Kylo’s training with Snoke is the anti-Yoda in ESB training you have dreamed of. >Force visions play a big role on both sides of the Force. We see more of the massacre at the Jedi Academy via Luke sharing a Forceback with Rey. >There is a Kylo vs Luke & Rey showdown in the center of the film. It’s brief, but is very important later on. Luke makes a breakthrough to Ben Solo. >Long story short, Kylo discovers Snoke is playing him, goes to [wreck him]. Huge battle lots of Force powers used. >Kylo duels Snoke for the final battle of the film and Snoke doesn’t win the fight but survives. >Kylo goes full darksider and is set up for the baddie in IX.

>Laura Dern’s character is codenamed “Goose”. >Great comic relief with Finn and Poe, this story is very dark and needs a lighter side >Han does not have a funeral. >Luke doesn’t die. >Luke takes out Snoke’s Force sensitivity at the cost of his own. >Snoke is Palpatine’s mentor reborn via the Knights of Ren doing some sort of Sith seance, its not said if he is Plagueis or another of Palpatine’s dark side mentors.

>The main plot revolves around spies in the Resistance, who end up being the Knights of Ren at the end. >The character portrayed by Kelly Tran is a new Resistance recruit who serves as a comic relief and Finn’s love interest. She is an alien of some sort and pals around with Finn and Poe. >Hux dies at the hand of Kylo Ren. >Finn gets abducted by spies from Phasma. Rey and Luke go save him but they get ambushed by the Snoke’s followers.

>Lando will be in VIII. About 7 years after ROTJ, he entered into a domestic partnership with Lobot but their relationship didn’t work out so they split. Lando got into New Republic politics while Lobot moved to Tatooine to open an ice cream stand with Willrow Hood. Lando shows up in VIII after hearing of Han’s death, and gives some comical moments. He is mostly a glorified cameo because Billy Dee Williams wouldn’t stop bothering Kathleen Kennedy about it. He is running to be the next chancellor since the last one died on Honsian Prime.

Lots of great content here. Once again we aren’t sure if it is legit or not as this all comes from 4chan but it is good food for thought and speculation fodder. Either way, what do you think of these bullet points? What ones do you like or dislike? Let us know in the comments or on our new message board!

-Voxx McCloud