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“NOW’S not the time to play politics,” confirmed a spokesperson for Fine Gael or Fianna Fáil or it could have been a Green Party representative, or someone affiliated with Sinn Féin. Regardless of the source, Irish politicians have once again projected an air of putting the national interest above all else during the pandemic crisis while quietly doing the opposite.

“We’re the only party thinking of the people, not of the politics,” said one party, repeating the sorts of phrases the party’s PR team thought would play well while they tried to sneak a coalition government passed an understandably distracted public.

“People are waiting on tests and we’re happy to assist the government’s efforts in improving testing capabilities, which should be better,” added another party, settling on words that ensured it couldn’t be accused of ‘petty sniping’ while still proving effective in trying to obliterate their political opponents all so they could enhance their chances at snatching power once the dust has settled.

However, once the keen eyed public found its way through the fog of politicians preaching unity during these unprecedented times, many have reported eye witness accounts of politicians clearly playing their usual games.

“Fuck, I was so busy worrying about the existential treat to our health, livelihoods and everything else, that every last one of these smarmy self-serving pricks nearly had me believing them,” confirmed one member of the public.

“Our party alone have the Irish public’s best interests at heart,” confirmed all parties, evoking the sort of selfless and courageous rhetoric that has always ensured the ordinary Irish people suffer the most during any crisis.

“Ah fuck this bullshit, give us power. It’s ours, we want it, we deserve it and don’t get in our way,” confirmed Fianna Fáil working off a different script to everyone else.