SKYPE – In a heartwarming story of determination, the local comedy community has rallied together to create an online show that people will also not watch.

“I just started thinking of all those poor comedians,” said organizer Tug Mendez. “Here we have all this amazing talent, locked away in basement apartments, and without the opportunity to entertain no one in basement bars. Right now we need comedy about how wack grocery stores are.”

“How will people know comedians aren’t getting laid if we don’t tell them?”

Since COVID-19 struck North America, all the stages and poorly lit bars which used to host differing levels of amateur comedy shows are now closed, making it hard for budding comedians to entertain each other exclusively.

“It just seems wrong that people won’t get a chance to skip our shows,” said comedian Parth Dalahan. “So we all messaged each other and are so excited to have material we worked on for months once again not be watched by a living soul. I just can’t go 6 months without trying to guilt a family member into seeing my show.”

“Plus, now I know for sure they’re not actually too busy to attend,” added Dalahan excitedly.

Some of the hurdles the comedians have noted is how to adapt comedy developed for audiences who didn’t attend live shows, and rework it for audiences who won’t attend online shows. “It’s certainly an exciting new medium, but I think the chance to see comedians in a more disheveled, less-presentable way is what will really make us unwatchable,” mused Mendez. “It’s also going to be a real adjustment not being able to hear any laughs… like a huge adjustment…”

When asked how he would make ends meet during the pandemic, Dalahan responded, “I’ve been thinking of offering an online class about how to promote and produce shows that no one will ever see. I have a lot of experience making these things happen, and a single writing credit, so I think I’ll be able to generate a lot of interest.”

The government of Canada has stepped in to support comedians during this difficult time by paying them to do their jokes on busy street corners, in order to convince people to stay indoors.