18 January, 2016. 11:23

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

As a number of rule modifications were introduced to aid the batsman in T20, the shortest form of the game, bowlers in the Big Bash League have started asking for a number of modifications themselves.

At the moment, the rules favour batsmen heavily and punish bowlers for any mistake.

However, nearly every bowler in the league have thrown their weight behind a plan to allow them to tamper the ball in any fashion they deem fit.

“Right now, we basically turn up and let the batsmen cart us around the ground while fireworks go off and flames shoot up into the sky,” said one leading strike bowler. “I mean, if Bradman saw what we’d done to the game, he’d have a stroke.”

The bowlers have asked to be issued with a sheet of 80-grid sandpaper, a small pot of varnish and a leatherman to pick the seam with.

In addition to these measures, bowlers have explained that if the stumps were made out of a balsa-type wood, they’d ‘literally explode’ upon impact – quenching the average punter’s thirst for cricket-based chaos.

Responding to the calls, the big wigs at the Big Bash have ruled out any changes to the rules to accommodate a less hostile environment for the bowlers – saying that the dribbler doesn’t come to see low scoring games.

“Nobody wants to see a ball reverse swing three feet,” said Cricket Australia CEO James Sutherland. “It’s downright dangerous to boot. As for picking the seam, that’s also a bit full on. We don’t want to teach youngsters how to cheat.”

“To be honest, the only change we considered making this year was to replace these toad-esque umpires with buxom women who jumped up and down all the time. Very PG.” he said.

More to come.