On the Nature of Other People

“We all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.”

A recurring theme in Meditations is the idea of personal autonomy. Even in Aurelius’ day, people spent much of their time holding court. Primping and preening and putting on a show for the amusement of others.

Aurelius is correct in pointing out how pointless it is living your life in hopes of impressing somebody else.

The only opinion you must live up to is your own.

“Beautiful things of any kind are beautiful in themselves and sufficient to themselves. Praise is extraneous. The object of praise remains what it was — no better and no worse.”

Whether we be seeking praise, or avoiding hurtful words, always keep at the forefront of your mind the notion that everything happening outside of your mind is merely a matter of your unique perception.

A thought experiment reinforced by the following quote:

“Nothing that happens in someone else’s mind can harm you.”

Aurelius spends much of Meditations repeating the idea that reality itself is entirely dependent on our individual perception. As an extension of this idea, nothing can harm you lest you accept it is as harm.

Stoics commonly rebel against the labels of good and bad, seeing these as external categorizations based on context and individual perception.

Is it bad to kill a man? Most would say yes.

Is it bad to kill a man in order to save thousands? Some would say no.

“Choose not to be harmed — and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed — and you haven’t been.”

Perception matters. Remember nothing is inherently good or bad. It is merely a label you’ve assigned.

“Don’t waste the rest of your time here worrying about other people — it will keep you from doing anything useful.”

How much time have you wasted this week dwelling on what somebody else did or did not do?

Did all that dwelling actually change anything?

No.

So stop doing it.

Focus your attention where it matters most: On things within your control. Namely, yourself.

“Leave other people’s mistakes where they lie.”

Accept that people will make mistakes. They are human.

Accept that you will make mistakes, too.

Be as forgiving with others as you would be with yourself.

Or if you’re particularly self-hating: Be as forgiving with yourself as you would be with others.