Sex Editor and author of other articles she can actually show her grandparents. Considers no temperature too hot for leather trousers.

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Scrotum botox. Scrotox. Balltox. Call it what you will, but if you're eating a slightly shrivelled peach while watching a well-endowed male dog walk past, you'll get where we're headed.

Balls.


Until now, nature's sperm fridge has been happily dangling away with its old buddy, peen - life's greatest enemy being a pair of skinny jeans' zipper. Or, if you're Orlando Bloom, a long lens.

But now, balls are on the chopping block. In a decade where the number of men having cosmetic surgery has doubled, the nip and testes-tuck has arrived - and this version of 'the snip' is a beauty thing.

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Once reserved for genital abnormality, the scrotal uplift is now tackling gravity - with rising numbers of men handing over £2,800 to get their low-hanging fruit yanked up nearer the tree. While botox (boy-tox?) is smoothing out the results.

Finally, a solution to that age-old dating problem of thinking, "He's such a lovely guy - if only his ballsack was a centimetre higher."


It's funny (unless you're currently on the surgeon's table), because a woman's relationship with a man's balls is one of the more confusing aspects of being naked together. On your first few/dozen/hundred scrotal encounters, it's a puzzle. Do I ignore them or attend to them? If attention is required, what?

Men are handing over £2,800 to get their low-hanging fruit yanked up nearer the tree.

Then, thankfully, you realise it's OK to approach balls like you do a friend's dog: say hello, attempt a stroke, if the reaction isn't good or you're more of a cat person, back off and enjoy the company that you prefer.

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So, we've got balls sussed. We respect them. They respect us (unless we have long fingernails). Scrotox would not improve things. Why? Because, the goals:


1. Decreased sweating

Yes, pleasant, but let's not pretend we've never sweated over a bike seat or regretted wearing grey leggings to yoga. Showering has proven effective for centuries.

2. Improved wrinkling

Wrinkles are part of the design, and we like familiarity. A smooth scrotum would be like McDonald's going vegan - literally no added benefit to us in our moment of unbridled desire for junk/his junk.

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3. Makes the scrotum appear larger

I cannot express how much this is not needed in any way.

Beauty-wise, balls are a bit like an armpit or an elbow. They're never going to be the supermodel of the anatomy, but they have an extremely kickass function.

Just like our genitals.

Wouldn't life - and sex - be so much better if we stopped judging them on their appearance and just let them get on with their jobs?


Do you have a sex question or topic you'd like to know more about? Gemma would love to hear from you. Email her at glamoursexeditor@condenast.co.uk.

@GemmaAskham

If you missed last week's column on the most awkward sex noises of all, read it and more here.