This is a random list of Thailand tips geared towards sexpats and mongers like myself. If you have any more questions let me know in the comments and I’ll update this page. Happy holidays!

1. The morning after pill in Thailand is called ‘Madonna’ or ‘Postinor’ ask for one of those brand names in any pharmacy, 40 baht. It’s two pills, the girl should take one immediately (not actually the morning after) then the next one 12 hours later.

2. Look on the back of condom boxes for the two digit number next to the millimetres symbol มม, ideally you want 56มม . Anything less than about 52.5 is probably too small for a foreigner and might come off inside the girl. Or stock up on western size condoms on Amazon.

3. The monthly contraceptive pill is called ‘Melodia’ or ‘Yasmin’, ask for one of those brand names in any pharmacy, costs around 300 baht for a month’s worth of pills. The girl takes the first pill on the first day of her period, then you’re all good to creampie.

4. Zithromax (brand name of azithromycin) is a powerful antibiotic that gets rid of Chlamydia and Gonorrhoea, if you notice creamy pus leaking from the penis or a burning sensation, take 1000mg of it (four 250mg pills). It’s 524 baht in any pharmacy for six 250mg pills.

5. You can get a ~300 baht HIV/Syphilis test at the Thai Red Cross clinic, near Ratchadamri BTS station. Testing for all other STDs is usually only done if you have symptoms. You can pay for a test of everything though without symptoms, either there or at a hospital, it’s expensive though. Cheaper to self-medicate with Zithromax (see above).

6. Abortions while technically illegal are still available in a few places, like the clinic on Sukhumvit Soi 12 next to the Cabbages & Condoms restaurant, up to the 2 month point for ~2500 Baht. Later than that, Khlong Tun hospital do it for around 8000 Baht. Some Laos hospitals can do it for 3000 Baht.

7. The recreational ED drugs sold on street stalls in lower Sukhumvit do work well, Kamagra, Cialis, Sidegra, etc. and are great fun. Buy from pharmacies though if you prefer, but Cialis will be unavailable there without prescription. Going rates are around 1200 Baht for a box of 50 Kamagra sachets, 120 baht for six Sidegra tablets, or lately I prefer the natural herbal alternative ‘Grakcu’ which is 350 baht for six tablets.

8. List of dating sites – ThaiCupid, ThaiFriendly, AsianDating, or apps that scan around you using GPS location – Tinder, Beetalk, WeChat, Skout, Happn, Tango. For text chat, download Line app. Get the girl off the dating site / app onto Line. If you really like a girl exchange phone numbers too, as girls lose their phones all the time and lose their Line contacts. Line though will automatically add you back into their Line once they get a new phone (the girl will restore their old phone number via the phone company).

9. The 30 days visa-free you get on arrival is actually 29 days as Thailand counts the first day as day 1, so be careful not to overstay. Although there’s usually no fine for one day of overstay if leaving via the airport (but no way to know for sure, and there a one day fine at land borders). Google ’29 days from [date]’ and use the tool to work out when you need to book a flight out for. Or 59 days if you plan to extend the visa exemption period another 30 days (you can do that now, costs 1900 Baht).

10. Some nationalities can’t use visa exemptions, and some get 90 days on arrival (89 days), it varies depending on the country of your passport. See the full list on Wikipedia. If you want to stay longer than 60 days (59 days) get a single entry or multiple entry tourist visa before coming, apply by mail to your nearest Thai consulate, or in person. If by mail allow 3-5 working days for it to be sent back to you in time before your flight. For example UK citizens can apply by mail to the London Thai consulate.

11. This Thonglor police leaflet regarding stop and searches, drug tests, passport checks etc. can be handy to save to your phone.

12. Nightclubs (called ‘disco’ or ‘pub’ in Thailand) where the majority of girls are freelance prostitutes – Climax on Sukhumvit Soi 11, Insanity on Soi 12, Shock 39, Spicy, Swing, the Cave (at Holiday Inn on Sukhumvit Soi 22). Not every girl though, and some will be bargirls that aren’t ‘working’ while they’re in the club, they’re just out partying after their shift

13. Discos with a majority of normal girls – Route 66 and Onyx on RCA (a street of bars, Royal City Avenue), Beam, Demo and Wip in Thonglor, Kudeta in Silom, The Club on Khao San Road, Sugar on Sukhumvit Soi 11.

14. Discos with about 50/50 split of hookers and normal chicks – Levels on Soi 11, Mixx

15. Discos where the taxi to go there is free – Climax, Mixx, Insanity, Spicy, Shock.

16. The taxi to those discos is free because the disco pays the taxi driver a commission of 100-200 baht per person they take. This is actually annoying because it creates a cartel of annoying taxi touts that stand outside places like Nana Plaza and RCA and try to get you into their cab, but refuse to take you anywhere except one of those discos. So if you want to go home or somewhere that doesn’t pay them a commission, and find a taxi that uses the meter, you have to walk past the huge blockade of the taxi cartel and flag down a taxi from the road. If you do actually want to go to a commission disco you can ask the driver to pay you 200 baht or so if you’re in say a group of 3 guys.

17. You don’t need the help of any Thai guy that approaches you on the street offering ‘lady’ or ‘massage’, if he’s involved then he’ll be getting some kind of commission, which means the cost of whatever they’re offering will be higher to cover their cut. For example they’ll take you to Honey brothel where the girls are 3000 Baht. But it’s very easy to find a girl of the same quality yourself, in a bar or simply on the street, for 2000 Baht. No need to use male guides somewhere like Bangkok or Pattaya where there are huge, easy to navigate red light districts. Same applies to if a taxi / tuktuk driver asks you if you ‘want lady?’. It’s usually going to be a rip off. Unless you’re in an Issan province like Udon Thani, or Vientiane in Laos, where you need local information to find girls, then maybe.

18. Don’t let a taxi / tuktuk take you to eat or go shopping either, the common scam is to take you to an expensive seafood restaurant or some crappy gem store / other shop where they get a commission on anything you buy. Around tourist parts of town (e.g. Khao San road) this is common, they’ll even offer to drive you around the city free or for ’10 Baht’ then only take you to places they can make money off you.

19. Avoid stationary taxis, or taxi guys that come walking up to you, or any Thai man that walks up to you in general. Flag down your own taxi from the road. The red light in the corner of the windscreen means they’re available, just stand by the road and raise your arm. If they refuse to use the meter or ask for a flat rate (usually double or triple what the meter would be) just get the next one. Sometimes it’s tempting to just agree to the flat rate as it’s still cheap by western standards but usually this kind of driver is an asshole and then starts trying to take you to a brothel where they get a commission from you, or a disco you don’t want to go to, etc. Don’t support these drivers.

20. In general never use tuktuks in Bangkok, they’re on a level with the worst tuktuk drivers. They don’t have meters and overcharge foreigners. They only really offer a fair rate to Thais. Use them once for the experience and to take a selfie then never again. They are slow, don’t navigate traffic any faster than a car, are less safe, have no air con, are more likely to be aggressive and try to redirect to a disco/brothel etc. In traffic use motorbike taxis. In smaller cities without taxis, tuktuks can be okay (e.g. Hua Hin, Udon Thani).

21. Minivans crash all the time, and buses fairly often. I’d limit bus journeys to short daytime routes that don’t involve hills up North, so something like Bangkok to Pattaya from Ekkamai bus station. That route rarely crashes. Minivans I’d avoid entirely, drivers often take yaba (amphetamines) to stay awake and work longer hours for higher pay. Use buses or private car services (limopattaya.com is good) on short journeys, and fly domestic for longer journeys.

22. Cheap domestic airlines – Air Asia, Nok Air. International – Air Asia again, Cebu Pacific, Jet Star.

23. Thai roads are the second most dangerous in the world, probably the number one killer of foreigners is road accidents. Rawdogging hookers and using drugs are nothing in comparison to riding a motorbike. Stay sober and wear a helmet.

24. Like the Thaivisa.com Facebook page to keep up with Thai news updates, and to remind yourself never to use a minivan as you’ll get a notification of a horrific crash every month or so. That forum has some useful info about visas too, and a lot of angry old men expats who hate young digital nomads living in Thailand on tourist visas. It’s fun to troll on there.

25. Aside from Thaivisa if you ever want to find out the answer to something you can also ask in the Facebook group ‘Bangkok Expats’. Between that and Thaivisa you can usually find out the answer to something in 10 minutes. And you can sell stuff in that Facebook group, and/or on Thai Craigslist.

26. Best gogo bars in Bangkok – Billboard in Nana Plaza, Crazy House and Baccara on Soi Cowboy.

27. Rough cost of sex in a Bangkok Gogo bar – 700 barfine paid to the bar to take them home plus 2000-3000 paid to the girl after short time (sex one time). It varies a lot, sometime girls don’t talk about the price, you have a great time and they’re happy with 2000 baht, they don’t even look at the money you give them as they leave. Long time they’d be happy with 3000, or they might even stay over because they’re tired and still be fine with 2000 baht after morning sex. Other times a girl will ask in the bar how much you’ll pay, and want 3000 short time / 6000 long time, and not budge. I usually avoid these girls unless they’re really hot. Others will want e.g. 2500 short time, 4000 long time (all night).

28. Rough cost of sex with a freelancer – should be cheaper than a Gogo girl, and there’s no barfine of course. E.g. 2000 baht total to take a girl home from Climax or Insanity disco short time. 1500 to take a girl standing on the street (e.g. Soi 4 outside Nana Hotel) for short time. Add 500 – 1000 onto those for long time (all night). Some girls will let you bang as many times as you want bareback and creampie for next to nothing, just enough to cover their time and taxi money, it really varies. They might become a full time ‘girlfriend’ for a monthly rate of 5000 – 20000, the possibilities are endless.

29. Girls from street bars – take the price at a Gogo and subtract say 500, and the barfine should be a bit cheaper too. So say 500 barfine, 2000 short time, from a girl working at a beer bar or small street-stall bar. Lady drinks should be a bit cheaper too (say 130 – 150 baht instead of 170 – 200 baht).

30. Cheapest sex – there are brothels in Issan provinces where girls are 400 baht, I went to one of these in Udon Thani. In hindsight it’s not really safe or sensible to do so, I wouldn’t try it again. Really these are reserved for Thai men. I never felt unsafe or unwelcome though. But the same brothel later got raided by the Army, so I was lucky not to be there at the time. Pattaya is a bit cheaper than Bangkok, take 500-1000 off the Bangkok prices. Blowjob bars are 700-800 baht and you can usually upgrade to full sex for around 1700 baht with no barfine / room fee, that’s a good deal since they’re very good at the blowjob part before sex, whereas some Gogo girls won’t like to give blowjobs or suck at it.

31. Most expensive sex – somewhere like The Lord, a soapy massage parlor, where girls are 5000+ baht, you get a jacuzzi bath together, massage, and sex, in an extravagant hotel room. Some soapies are cheaper, 2000-3000 baht or so, some are over 5000. Or you can use a service like Bangkokescort.com and get an escort for anywhere up from 5000-12000 baht (2-24 hours) that does anal, wears kinky costumes, etc. Then there are dominatrixes that will take a dump on your face for 7000 baht.

32. A cheap hotel – if you want to right in the thick of the action, opposite the Gogo bar complex of Nana plaza, with freelancers right downstairs on the street outside your place, you can’t beat Nana hotel for 1490 baht a night walk-in rate, or a bit cheaper on Agoda. It’s a bit like the movie the Shining and full of sexpats but good value, has big comfy beds, air con, and room service.

33. A baller hotel – if you’re more into online dating on Thaicupid etc. want to impress a girl I’d stay at the Grande Centre Point Terminal 21, it’s a 5 star hotel that links directly to Terminal 21 mall by it’s own walkway, which in turn links to Asoke BTS and Sukhumvit MRT. So very easy to get girls over to your place. Around $150/night on Agoda.

34. Good date spot – head to Above Eleven sky bar at the end of Sukhumvit Soi 11, on top of the Fraser Suites hotel. It’s a fancy wine bar type place overlooking the city from a high floor, open til 1am. Very romantic, but close to Nana and Cowboy if the date doesn’t pan out.

35. Opening a bank account – Bangkok Bank is the only one to specifically say foreigners can open an account without a work permit. No long term visa required either. Having a Thai bank account saves you losing 180 baht to ATM fees every time you withdraw money.

36. Exchanging currency – get a good rate on foreign exchange at the SuperRich branch next to Asoke BTS station, on the walkway. Convert large sums there.

37. I enjoyed learning Thai but most expats get by fine without it. A lot of words are the same in Thai – sex, beer, taxi, tip, free, ladyboy, bargirl, disco, pub, whiskey, internet, and beyond that they speak a little bit of English. Nothing like as well as the Philippines though.

38. There are some underground card rooms like the Gutshot Poker club in Bangkok, and online poker sites still accept signups from Thailand. You can’t deposit with a Thai bank account but can use eWallets like Neteller or Entropay.

39. Cultural spots – if you’re going to see one temple I’d make it the Golden Mountain, Wat Arun or Wat Po, those have low entrance fees (0 – 50 baht) and are quite nice, at Wat Arun and the Golden Mountain you climb to the top and can overlook the city. Wat Po is a chill outdoor temple. I’d skip the main one, Wat Phra Kaew (temple of the Emerald Buddha) as it charges ten times more for foreigners to enter, is more crowded and hot (less wind with the high walls), just more of a hassle in general.

40. Where to take your Mum – if the parents come over go on a river boat from Saphan Thaksin pier (by the BTS station of the same name) up and down the Chao Phraya river, you can get a day pass and stop off at Wat Arun, Chinatown, Khao San Road, Wat Po, etc., it’s a nice day trip.

41. Shopping malls – for handing out numbers to girls hit up Siam Paragon, Centralworld, Terminal 21, Emporium, the EmQuartier, and MBK.

42. Streetwalkers i.e. freelancers are safe in my experience, some guys will avoid these but I haven’t had any issues. They may go for 1000 – 2000 baht depending on how hot they are, the time of night, how safe you look to them, etc. I once took a girl for 1500 and then she asked to come over free the next time, then I’d just lend her 300-500 or so occasionally after that. I later saw she was in one of the video on the asianstreetmeat.com porn site.

43. In general I think the risk of being ‘locked up abroad’ or having some unpleasant interaction with police is a little bit overhyped, I haven’t really had any problems in 6 years. But if you want to be extra safe I’d say have around $3000 in liquid savings to pay fines or ‘bribes’ in the event of anything bad happening to you. So around 100,000 baht in a Thai bank account. For example the going rate for failing a drug test is around 60,000 Baht. Bail amounts to be released from a jail cell are usually 100,000 Baht or less.

44. Also keep enough cash on hand for a flight ticket home. And BUPA Thailand offer quite cheap health insurance for expats living in Thailand.

45. Don’t become angry with police, immigration staff, or any Thai locals in general really, avoid becoming blackout drunk, avoid the class one drugs like Yaba, ‘ice’ (crystal meth), never possess large amounts of anything that could lead to you being accused of dealing drugs. Dress neatly wherever possible (Thais make judgements based on appearance), i.e. clean-shaven, not too much exposed skin, closed shoes. Keep unnecessary interaction with men to a minimum, both locals and foreigners. Especially in bars.

46. Weed isn’t that big of a deal, no life sentences for a joint or anything like that. Small fines if caught e.g. it can be negotiated down to a 2000 – 10,000 Baht on the spot fine. Police only check inside pockets and your wallet if you’re stopped. In Laos and Cambodia it’s even less of an issue.

47. It’s common sense but don’t say anything about the Royal Family as lese majeste is still a crime in Thailand. Although jail sentences for foreigners are rarer and shorter it’s still a risk. People have been jailed for insulting the King’s dog in a Facebook post. Criticizing the government is a crime too, and defamation laws are stricter (the truth isn’t a defence against defamation). Basically just avoid political discussions anywhere in Asia.

48. Underage girls I feel is less of a risk than the Philippines, I almost never hear of anyone being unfairly locked up in Thailand because they slept with a girl who said they were 18. It’s not something I really worry about. Girls working at bars will tend to be over 18, occasionally Gogo bars and soapies are shut down for having underage girls working there but I don’t see news stories about foreigners being arrested or set up for a bribe. Thai girls already look younger than their western counterparts so it’s hard to end up with an underage girl accidentally. Some 30 year old girls here look 18. Thai police profit heavily from the sex industry here, they aren’t really looking to set up a foreigner with an underage girl, the negative publicity from that would scare customers away from bars.

49. Rough cost of living – accommodation is say $300/month for a decent studio room, $500 for a western standard one bedroom flat. Less in Chiang Mai or Pattaya. In Bangkok I spend around $550/month on rent plus all bills and internet, with a swimming pool and gym. Then around the same amount on food, and live in central Bangkok walking distance to most nightlife, so not much need for taxis and public transportation (they’re cheap too though). So around $1000/month for essentials, then the rest of my monthly spending ($500-$1000) is purely on going out, partying, dates, bargirls, entertainment etc. Factoring in visa runs every 2-3 months (flights, hotels, expensive Manila barfines), I average maybe $2-$3k/month.

50. Phuket, Pattaya and the Samui archipelago of islands (Koh Samui, Koh Tao, Koh Phangan) are less safe areas to live in long term relative to Bangkok and Chiang Mai. Personally I’d only holiday in those areas for short trips. This Thailand travel advice from the UK Govt is a good read too.

51. ATM skimming is very common in Thailand, where possible use an ATM inside a building, avoid ones in tourist areas, set daily spending limits on your card, set up text message alerts whenever your card is used (for Thai bank cards), etc.

52. In Thailand the money comes out of the ATM before your card (unlike the US, UK, Philippines, etc.) a lot of people forget their card in the machine.

53. Be careful of ladyboys pickpocketing you when they pretend to bump into you.

54. Download eatigo app or use their website, you can get 10 – 50% off fancy restaurants, five star hotel buffets, etc. every day, really easy to use and saves a lot of money on Thaifriendly dates

55. A car flashing its headlights doesn’t mean ‘I’ll let you go’ as it does in civilised countries, in Thailand it means ‘get the f*** out of the way I’m going’.

56. Ask for separate bills (‘yaek bin’) if you’re in a big group of mates in a Gogo bar and you’re all getting girls to give you lap dances and buy you lady drinks. Sometimes they’ll see you as an easy target to pad the bill with extra drinks you didn’t order.

57. Thermae is a basement bar underneath the Ruamchitt hotel, freelancers go there and stand in a line either side of the room waiting to be picked. There’s no barfine, no lady drinks, and guy’s drinks are way cheaper than Gogo bars. You just walk in, find a girl you like and leave immediately, for around 2500 baht short time. A unique place and a must see. By the corner of Sukhuvmit Soi 15.

58. A taxi meter should hit 55 baht at a distance of 5km (the meter starts at 35 baht). Above are the rough rates for how much a metered taxi should cost based on the distance. If you notice it going up way faster than this, you’re getting scammed. Call them out on it and they usually say ok ok and give a fair price because they’re scared you’ll report them.

59. Report taxis by calling 1584, give the taxi number on the windscreen in the left corner.

60. Get a DTAC mobile SIM card instead of Truemove, I regret getting True as I lose signal inside Thermae, Baccara, Crazy House, and some other Gogos, but friends with DTAC don’t.

Tags: Thailand Sexpats, Thailand Tips, Thailand Travel