“I have a little gesture: I have his number tattooed on my side, so I touch it and point to the sky just to know that I’m like doing this for you and please look over me while I’m out here.” Austin Hansen, a Houston Astros’ draft pick from last June, has come to know an agonizing loss at an early age after life threw this young pitcher a brutal changeup.

But through the bravery of confronting and sharing his feelings, his trip up the team’s organizational ladder, now, won’t be a lonely one.

Austin was born August 25, 1996, in Lenexa, Kansas, just southwest of Kansas City. He attended Olathe Northwest High School just eight miles away, pitching and playing shortstop. Hansen is a right-handed hurler, but in the precious few times it’ll come up during his pro career, he’s a left-handed hitter.

Known for a “live arm,” Hansen was praised for his low 90s fastball as a prep pitcher. “Fastball gets up on hitters quicker than they think, 87-90 mph, touch 92. Works down in the zone and can elevate for swing and miss,” is how Prep Baseball Report assessed Hansen in 2015.

Hansen was 14 as an Olathe freshman when he first met fellow baseball player Conner Taylor (16). It was Taylor’s personality that caused the two Ravens to hit it off.

“I got called up to suit up for a varsity game and just kind of hang out at the dugout and he was one of the one kids that was there and willing to talk to me and like take me under his wing,” Hansen recalled to KSHB-TV recently.

“He was super funny. He was always smiling and he was a kid that was like, he would do anything for you,” he added.

“Conner was just the best friend to Austin. Everybody accepted Austin because everybody loved Conner,” Hansen’s mother Dawn fondly reminisced to Sooner Sports last year. “Austin was the only freshman that was hanging out with all the juniors and seniors.”

After that first year, the two remained close, always fishing in the pond in Conner’s backyard and hanging out “every single day pretty much all the time,” Austin remembers. “He would just go in any room, he would light up that room.”

“He was just a fun person to hang out with. He would always make you laugh and just anything he would do for you. He was a guy who would always put you before himself.”

Their friendship continued even after Conner graduated and went to Coffeyville Community College in Coffeyville, Kansas, to play baseball. Austin would go watch some of his games there, and Conner would return home to watch Austin when he could.

Once Austin moved to Norman to attend the University of Oklahoma, the best friends still talked all the time.

“He was like an older brother to me. I’m the oldest brother [in my family], so he was like an older brother I could look up to,” Austin said.

“He was my first person with anything. Any problem I ever had it would either be Conner or my mom; those were my two go-tos. I think it was just a trust thing. He went out of his way to take me under his wing, so I trusted him kind of with everything because he didn’t have to do that, but he did.”

It was in 2016, when the two of them were at their respective colleges playing baseball, that Taylor took his own life. Hansen found out from a phone call from another friend in February of 2016, as Austin was preparing for his freshman season at OU.

“I was like, wow this is unbelievable. I can’t believe this is happening, and then I hung up the phone and 30 minutes later I had to go to practice.”

But, Austin held his emotions inside. “I just kind of pushed all my emotions down and didn’t really deal with it how you should have just because it was my freshman year, and I wanted to get on the field,” Austin explained. “I didn’t want that to affect my play, but it was definitely the hardest year of my life.”

After about a year, Austin’s passion for baseball dimmed noticeably.

“I went up to my coach and was like, ‘I can throw a perfect game in the College World Series right now and I wouldn’t care,’ and I started bawling after practice,” said Hansen.

Finally deciding to seek the proper help, Hanson realized, “I was like I can’t live like this anymore; I have to deal with my problems or I’m going to end up like Conner.”

Austin arranged to meet with the psychological resources for OU student-athletes, or PROS. PROS offers OU student-athletes a diverse set of services, including individual counseling and sports psychology, among others.

In a letter to his parents and mutual friends, Conner had said there were “demons inside of his head” that he could not live with anymore. After all their time as friends, and with all the shared phone calls, Austin had no idea that Conner was struggling so much, remembering that he always seemed like the happiest person.

“Seeing that letter, it kind of makes it a little bit easier just knowing that he was actually going through something,” Austin explained. “It kind of puts your mind at peace so you don’t have to keep searching for answers, but you always wish that he would be here with us today.

“The first two years dealing with it I kind of blamed myself knowing that, thinking that I could have stopped it, but once you kind of look back you’re like he’s been going through this so long there’s not much that I could have really done,” Austin said.

Austin had Conner’s initials and his Olathe uniform #8 tattooed on his left side, and eventually adopted the three taps on his side and pointing to the heavens from the mound before each game appearance at OU. He also wrote “CT8” on his Sooners cap and glove and wears a black bracelet on his left wrist made in Conner’s memory, as well.

In his freshman season at OU, Hansen made 17 relief appearances with a 2.93 ERA and 27 strikeouts. He made eight starts on the mound his sophomore season, striking out another 27 batters and posting a 3.86 ERA while improving his fastball speed to a consistent 97 mph.

Splitting time again as a reliever and starter, Hansen had his best season in 2018, attracting the attention of the Astros while working to a 2.39 ERA and holding the opposing team to a .199 batting average against, adding 51 strikeouts and eight saves.

Hansen, now 22, began his pro career at Houston’s New York-Penn League Tri-City ValleyCats Class A affiliate. Starting only two games while relieving in 12, Hansen logged a nifty 1.76 ERA in 30.2 innings, yielding only 14 hits and 13 walks while striking out 45.

His WHIP of 0.88 would have led the NYP League by 0.10 points had he had enough qualifying innings.

Look for Hansen to start 2019 at Houston’s Class A full season Quad Cities River Bandits as a bullpen mainstay. A mid-season promotion to the High A Fayetteville Woodpeckers should be in the cards, as well.

For others who may be struggling with their mental health, Austin wants them to know the importance of not keeping it to themselves and instead find someone to talk to about whatever they may be facing.

Recently, Hansen shared his story in front of a group of Olathe High School athletes hoping his struggle leading to ultimate victory inspires them to speak up with his newly-formed foundation, Athletes Cares.

“It’s alright to have the lows, and no matter how bad the time is, it will always get better,” Austin concluded, filled with hope.

“When I lost Conner, I didn’t think it was ever going to get better. Just because it was losing your best friend, but everything always gets better no matter what the situation is.

“You’ve just got to go about it and realize how amazing life is to be able to wake up every morning and enjoy a beautiful day like today.”

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255