4. Embrace midlife-crisis clothing

With his skinny knits, designer bomber jackets and classic Ray-Bans, Hollywood dude LeBlanc looks far too cool for Top Gear nerds. He needs to follow Clarkson’s lead and properly give up on his appearance. Jezza, after all, famously fled down the street when Trinny and Susannah tried to give him a televised makeover. So LeBlanc should aim for a look that says “male meno-Porsche”: gaudy patterned shirts, outdated leather blousons, shapeless blazers, ghastly slip-on shoes and ill-fitting stonewashed dad-jeans that make you look like your bottom’s on backwards. There, that’s better.

5. Get some friends in high places

As the court jester of the Chipping Norton set, Clarkson was scarily well-connected, partying his way through the Cotswolds with close personal showbiz pals like David and Samantha Cameron, Elisabeth Murdoch, Matthew Freud and Rebekah Brooks. As a relative newcome to these shores, LeBlanc urgently needs to do some networking. We suggest aiming high and turning his charm on full-beam for the likes of Simon Cowell, Adele, Prince Harry and Theresa May. How *you* doing, Prime Minister?