I AM a besotted mother of two small men-in-training and I have a mother of an issue.

You see, as the gender debate rages and the quest for equality grows ever more political, mothers of boys are constantly being told to have higher expectations of our sons’ behaviour. To show courage and not let any sexism in our boys go unchecked.

And it’s true, we can’t have enough open discussion on respect and the value of being a gentleman. Neanderthal blokes with substandard morals and negligible levels of courtesy certainly grunt n’ leer among us, and it’s never pretty.

But the world’s somewhat lofty aspirations for our parenting makes up just part of the puzzle that underpins raising boys in the 21st Century.

This ‘call to arms’ for us to amp up our parenting feels like we’ve been charged with leading the way towards some kind of utopian, gender-balanced society of the future. Something that, in my opinion, is akin to believing little girls are sugar n’ spice and boys are a sweaty mess of snips and snails and puppy dogs tails.

This piece is in defence of all the incredible mothers and fathers of sons I know who are way ahead of the game in terms of raising beautifully mannered, emotionally intelligent gentlemen.

My husband and I are forever encouraging sensitivity and courteous behaviour in our boys and our sons are respectful, thoughtful, big-hearted little kids.

But, to what end? What world will they be allowed to be men in?

Before we leap ahead, let’s look at the current state of gender play which, to my mind, goes a little something like this ...

In advertising, men are fair game, ripe and ready to be lampooned by marketers selling the generic notion that all men are clueless fathers, inept lovers, junk food addicts and insensitive cavemen. On TV, testicles are crushed regularly by any female presenter lusting after the last word in a debate, a joke, anything.

I’ve cringed watching well-spoken, smart men be reduced to buffoon status for the sake of on-air banter generally led by women. And I was gobsmacked when a visiting feminist writer on a popular panel show justified her gender politics when she spat, “…men should just get over themselves.”

What would happen if a man had uttered those same words about women: outrage, looting, Twitter meltdown.

So this mother worries. I can raise the most remarkable, stunning young men, but I fret about the future society my sons will live, love and work in.

Will it be a world populated by self-entitled, bitching women who scorn femininity in favour of their ‘ball-breaking’ mode — stuck on repeat? Or who get their G-strings in a twist when a man compliments their hair? Will our boys be allowed to show chivalry without being chastised by some hot-headed fem who can open her own bloody door thank you …?

Will my sons be able to define and ‘live’ their masculinity without fear? In fact, what will ‘being a man’ even look like 10, 15 years from now? Sure, Prince may have rejigged the gender thing significantly throughout his life, but one man in eyeliner and a vat-load of ruffles does not lasting change make.

Oh and then there’s that pesky gender imbalance thing in the workplace. Unfair absolutely but a source of loathsome tokenism when industries scramble to concoct new charters and add more vaginas to the mix before announcing, hey Ma, look, we’re champions of diversity, too!

Will this blatant bandaid solution to obvious inequality take my sons’ career choices hostage in the future?

The fact is, I crave gender equality as much as the next homo sapien, but as a mother of boys, I am torn. So each time men are relegated to fall guy status in the name of entertainment, selling washing powder or engaging in supposedly well-intentioned political commentary, all I can think of is my sons and their future.

Unfounded fears? Mild hysteria from a loved-up Mama? Call it what you will. But inequality isn’t just harming women. Parents raising daughters aren’t the only people despairing of the future.

The headline is, equality.

We shouldn’t point the finger at just the misbehaving men in football, on dancefloors or uni campuses. Women are just as adept at dickheadery as men are.

As parents all we can do is follow our instinct and impart a level of wisdom and love that won’t be tainted by the unwritten rules of society — that men and women are not equal, that men are insensitive, foolhardy oafs and women merely their prick-teasing sex kittens … puppy dogs tails not withstanding — or wagging.

Phyllis Foundis is a TV host, writer, producer, TEDx talker and intimacy activist. Her book, The Joy of Sags, is out this year. You can follow her on Twitter.