WASHINGTON, D.C. — The smart phone at the center of the battle between the Federal government and Apple is set to have a one-one-one meeting with R2-D2, the astromech droid made famous in the Star Wars films. The code-cracking R2 unit was personally recruited by FBI chief James B. Comey.

“Apple wants to play hardball, so we’ve called in the big guns. R2 has yet to meet a phone, doorway, or garbage chute that didn’t bend to his will. An iPhone 5… a 5c no less… stands no chance against his strong arm tactics.”

Apple CEO Tim Cook, a self-professed BB-8 fan, is not surprised by this latest development.

“Artoo has always been an oversharer — from Leia’s hologram to his selfies with Amy Schumer, he simply doesn’t value human privacy.”

While there’s no question R2-D2 will crack the encryption on the device, his involvement raises serious questions about the government’s power over data. Privacy advocates are concerned this may set a precedent whereby the astromech droid is used to crack smart phone security at the government’s whim. When probed for a comment on this story, R2-D2 simply whistled dixie, spun his head around indignantly, and rolled away.

As always, stay tuned to FakingStarWars.net for the latest made up news from a made up galaxy far, far away. We’re also on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and even Pinterest. (Hi mom!)

-William “Willybobo” Bobo