4.0 out of 5 stars I will not moisturize you.

By Amber Kerkove on November 12, 2014

5.0 out of 5 stars Greatest bank ever

By The Captain on July 5, 2012

Dont listen to this elaina person above me. She clearly doesnt understand the novelty of the face bank. How many times have you thought to yourself “I love putting coins into small containers but I wish I had one with a face that would eat the coins as if they were some sort of comestible with which it was gaining sustainance” well the wait is over. I did however put 2 stars under educational because I felt that children might not enjoy this toy as it is incredibly frightening and constantly gives me extremely vivid night terrors. Other than that it is wonderful and I’m not just saying that because it is behind me right now staring at me with its dead eyes.

5.0 out of 5 stars Get this for your children…

By Steverino on August 24, 2012

And then tell them that Facebank can read their mind and that Facebank will eat them in their sleep. Then put Facebank in their bedroom closet, preferably on a high shelf that they can’t reach. Next time they are bad remind them about Facebank and the things that he is capable of. Now this is where it is important to have a spouse or a partner to help you, while you are reminding your misbehaving child of Facebank and its undying desire…no wait obsession to devour children’s souls, have your partner go into the child’s bedroom and position Facebank in a way that it’ll be immediately noticeable when the closet is opened. Now you must set the bait by leaving the closet door slightly cracked with some of the child’s favorite possessions strewn around near the door or partially pushed into the cracked closet door. This is merely to get the young one’s attention and give them a reason to investigate. Now here is where you must let things just happen. The child might scream in terror or the child may feel rebellious and destroy Facebank, this is alright and in fact can make the effect of Facebank even more potent.

If the child does destroy Facebank be sure to promptly order a few extras to replace the broken unit. While waiting for your crate of Facebanks to arrive, randomly place coins around the house. When your child eventually notices these coins, make a comment in a joking fashion that maybe Facebank is still around. But DO NOT stop placing the coins around and this is where I would suggest to make the coins more obvious and of higher denomination(unless of course you started with Sacagawea dollar coins) In the child’s mind this will create a sense of mystery to the lore of Facebank and in a sense make it more real. Then suddenly stop the coin placing. Your child may have accumulated a bit of wealth over this time and might actually begin to welcome the coins and hope for their return. However, the next time the child misbehaves give them a gentle punishment, but use this short time to strategically places coins again. You must be smart because you only have one chance for this to work. Make sure your child finds the coins after their punishment and act clueless of them and DO NOT mention anything about Facebank; let your little Einstein make the connections for them self. Now as bed time approaches you are going to want to put an abundance of coins under your child’s covers. If you can put the coins in the freezer and possibly have your partner load the bed up while you bath the child so that the coins will be nice and cold against your young one’s body when they go to sleep for the night. This will make the coins immediately obvious and somewhat shocking simply due to the unexpected nature of having cold coins all over their bed. Now if the child mentions the coins act like they are crazy and say you don’t see anything. If you have to be supportive by staying beside the child letting them know if Facebank does decide to show up you’ll keep them safe. With enough comforting they will eventually fall asleep. Now the plan is in high gear and there is no looking back. Quietly leave the child’s room and get your Facebanks. Put one outside the child’s window and have a neighbor or friend start throwing coins at the window or possibly scraping them across the glass until the child wakes up and decides to investigate. Hopefully the child will look outside and be greeted by the friendly smile of Facebank. This will induce panic and chaos in the child’s mind. They will go off their instinct to either yell for you or run to your room. This is where you don’t respond and lay lifelessly with the rest of the Facebanks surrounding your body. At this point you’ll realize what a great purchase that Facebank was. Someday after years of therapy your child will be able to laugh about the experience and in the end be a much better human being that you can be proud of. Facebank truly is an invaluable parenting tool and if there ever were a manual on how to raise a child this would be page one.