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While Donald Trump may be the Galactic Emperor of Crazy in this Presidential race (his crazyass quotes can be found here), it’s important to be fair and to not overlook the fact that Hillary Clinton is, well, she’s pretty goddamn nuts herself. It may not be as obvious as the Donald’s particular brand of insanity, but Hillary’s combination of paranoia and entitlement has led to some pretty weird shit over the years.

Again, I’m not here to tell you how to vote. That’s up to you. I’m just here to provide the facts because I’m a responsible journalist, or responsible dude who tells dick jokes on the Internet. Whatever. The point is that we’re all here to learn, and what you’re about to learn is that Hillary is pretty goddamn ridiculous.

“Who is going to find out? These women are trash. Nobody’s going to believe them.”

This is Hillary talking about Bill’s trail of crushed ass because, uh, she’s such a friend to women. Frankly, I’m more concerned that she’s so prejudiced against trash people. We have feelings too!

“He ran a gas station down in St. Louis. No, Mahatma Gandhi was a great leader of the 20th century.”

What the fuck? This is just weird. I guess this is Hillary’s attempt at making a joke, which… look, I get it. Jokes are hard and most of them don’t really land. I should know. Ahem. Still, why would a politician – especially one considered so “polished” – make a joke about Gandhi of all people? Did she misplace her Martin Luther King, Jr. joke book?

“I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base.”

Ah yes, Hillary’s infamous “sniper fire” lie. This one is crazy because how do you not understand that someone who was there will immediately come out and be all “Uhhh… no.” This isn’t a drunk uncle telling bullshit war stories after Thanksgiving dinner. This is one of the most public figures in the world. She had to know she would get caught. Right?

“There’s a different leader in Syria now. Many of the members of Congress of both parties who have gone to Syria in recent months have said they believe he’s a reformer.”

Hillary on Bashar al-Assad, aka the dude responsible for turning Syria into the 9th circle of hell. But hey, let’s give her a pass. It’s not like she’s Secretary of State or anything. Wait…