It came during the ad break. Whoosh, like a spray of saltwater across the face, we had messages showing thundering, monster waves crashing towards us with their crests blown to rags by offshore winds. Cut to the pros salivating at the unpredictability, the danger, the drama. They love this stuff, thrive on it. So do audiences.

Cut to the actual event. A world-class athlete looks self-consciously down at the murky green freshwater, making little ripples with their arms as they work out what on earth they are supposed to be doing for the camera right now while the clock ticks down to their allotted serving of wave. So begins the Surf Ranch Pro in (inland) California, the Championship Tour’s first artificial-wave event.

'A crazy experience': Kelly Slater's Surf Ranch Pro takes man-made waves on tour Read more

Paddle paddle, they’re up, beating the non-existent rivals to claim this deserted 600-metre ride. One bit of drama safely avoided. Identical turn No 1 followed by identical turn 2, and maybe another. Will it wall up and give him or her extra power to do a huge top turn and send spray shooting into the air? No. Will it close out in front of them and crush them in its salty jaws? No. Did he or she get the big set wave we’ve been awaiting? No, they’re the same, stupid.

Next the surfer wipes off some speed to settle in for the tube and you set your watch to count how long you stay covered up by the breaking wave. Tubes equals power in the natural world. A lot of energy is involved, usually in shallow water. The danger coefficient is high, making it the nirvana of many surfers. In inland Lemoore, the tiniest tube on tour moulds itself like wet clay over the surfer’s head, occasionally delivering a soggy slap in the face to those who don’t crouch low enough.

A bit more turning on the uniform face and there you go. Glad that’s over. Bit embarrassing. If the crowd was going wild, the microphones were a long way away.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Joel Parkinson catches a wave in Lemoore on day one. Photograph: Sean M. Haffey/Getty Images

Creator Kelly Slater and stars like Felipe Toledo say the uncontrollable factors have been removed, leaving only skill. Correct. The wavepool delivers bucketloads of skill. We are, after all, watching the cream of the crop. But, please, sport is so much more than this stripped-down, triple-distilled, heartless drop of muscle coordination. It is drama, it is crowds, it is (face-to-face) competition. Wherever you look – daytime TV, talent shows – we watch chaos and uncertainty, manufactured or otherwise. In the “wild” of a normal tour event, a triumphant surfer pumps their fist to claim a wave. Here, each surfer is isolated, plopped in the water and told when to perform, within the accepted parameters of the person at the controls.

A central part of any sport’s appeal is its link to how you personally play, or played, it. The highs of scoring a try/goal/three-pointer/hole-in-one. The lows of injury or misdemeanour, letting teammates down. There are no team-mates as such in surfing but when surf fans watch the pros catch an ocean wave, they are there on the board with them, anticipating and encouraging (or hoping they will faceplant). It will take a lot of time, and a new generation, for anyone to relate to this. After a few minutes of watching the swampy water unfurl, trying to get into it, I felt a little bit of sick come up. I tried hard to like it, I really did.

So perhaps the surfing I love is dead. The butt-clenching, fear-inducing, endorphin-pulsing pastime that means so much to me and my existence, is gone. Am I like the guy who grew up in the 60s who does nothing but complain that the waves are too crowded (and with women!) and that it’s not like it used to be. Well, I don’t think I’m there yet, but perhaps I’ve just realised that the surfing so many of us treasure is the surfing that brings you closer to elemental and uncontrollable forces, the surfing that allows you to do your thing and to hell with the rest.

There is no doubt that a new kind of surfing has been born, and it will give the sport (what a word to use) a whole new momentum, just in a direction that takes it further than ever from its original meaning, worth and point.