I Traveled the World for Only $40 and All I Got Was This Fatal Disease

I’ve always wanted to travel but it’s so expensive. Airfare, lodging, food; it all adds up very quickly. Anytime I saw those posts online about people finding themselves and having the experience of a lifetime, I would scoff, thinking, “Sure, must be nice to be rich.” Well all of that changed when this plague hit the scene. Now we all get to live like millionaire trust fund kids. It’s incredible. I traveled the world for only $40 and all I got was this fatal disease!

First, I caught a flight to England. $11 on Delta then rode the Metro, where no one was around, so I just kinda walked on for free. And don’t you worry, I made sure to take in every moment and really appreciate the experience by physically connecting with every surface.

Next I made my way to France where I was treated to a latte and croissant at a cute little cafe. Because of the lack of customers, the place was throwing all the food out so it was free. I figured I’d just tip the server, oh but wait, while I was there I learned the servers there don’t work for tips, so he declined. He didn’t even want to touch the cash. I haven’t checked my account but I think I actually made money while in France.

Where did I sleep? Here’s a sweet tip for ya: hostels are accepting hand sanitizer and toilet paper as currency. I bunked up with this dude, Benson. It was tough to get to sleep, partially because Benson couldn’t stop coughing, but mostly because I knew I was off to Scotland the next morning.

Finally, off to Scotland to hunt the Loch Ness Monster, track the Highlander, and finish my trip strong at the Lagavulin distillery. Had to splurge on a camera so I could get pics of Nessie and my phone battery was low. $7. And Lagavulin’s entrance fee was $10. Well worth the splurge.

Coming home was free. Literally FREE. Spirit Airlines, Scotland to New York, $0. Isn’t that insane?! I went to England, France, and Scotland for $28.* I got thirsty and bought a bottle of water at Newark, so, total $40. I also caught a global pandemic and, I know what you’re thinking, yes I could have just stayed home and caught it. Sure. But I don’t see myself as a contagious citizen of the United States. I’m a contagious citizen of the world.

*Note, the trip ended up costing more than $40 because the ambulance from Newark to the hospital, plus the entire hospital stay cost somewhere in the $60,000 range. Probably should’a stayed in Europe.