Caller: “Yeah, I bought this tattoo kit from you guys the other day, and there’s stuff missing from it.”

Me: “Stuff missing? Like what?”

Caller: “Well, for starters, there’s no book with it… and I don’t know how to assemble it.”

Me: “Book? What book? We don’t have books. We just sell tattoo inks, needles, machines… and assembly? Is there something not assembled in your kit?”

Caller: “Yeah, it’s all in pieces… it’s a piece of crap!”

Me: “Pieces? Did it get damaged during shipment to you?”

Caller: “No, it’s just a bunch of pieces. There’s a power supply, foot pedal, a couple of tattoo machines… but I gotta put it together myself. That’s bulls***! I don’t know what I’m doing! You guys should have assembled everything for me before shipping.”

Me: “You want us to assemble your tattoo shop for you? Wait a sec… Did you say you don’t know what you’re doing?”

Caller: “That’s right. I’ve never tattooed before. That’s why I thought there’d be a book with the kit.”

Me: “You mean like: step one, put a picture on the skin; step two, dip the needle in ink; step three, tattoo the ink into the skin?”

Caller: “Yeah, that’s it! Why didn’t you guys give me that kinda book when I bought the kit!?”

Me: “So, how are you expecting to learn to tattoo? Are you not doing a tattoo apprenticeship at a real tattoo shop, where they teach you to do this sort of thing?”

Caller: “Nah… I just figured I’d start off tattooing my wife until I can figure it out…”

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