Enjoyable, occasionally epic and emotional, with some cool elements like a change or pace/soundtrack aligned with different scenes and locations, X-men: Apocalypse ultimately meanders unmasterfully. It feels too long and by the time it ends, you don’t care which way it goes, although the viewer probably got some kicks out of seeing their favourite characters on screen finally.

An ancient evil re-awakens. Apocalypse (Oscar Isaacs), the first mutant ever, wants to reign down some biblical-style judgment on the modern age that he wakes up to. Not because he finds anything particularly offensive about it, that’s just how he rolls. As he has done for millennia, wreaking death and destruction left right and centre. First, he needs some mutant henchmen (or if you’re feeling like invoking end-of-the-world imagery, horsemen), so he sets off to find some.

Meanwhile, at Xavier’s Gifted Education Programme, Professor X (James McAvoy) is still as smug as ever, educating a bunch of teenage mutants that fans have been waiting to see…. Scott Summers (Tye Sheridan) sees (or rather, doesn’t see) Jean Grey (Sophie Turner) for the first time, in a cute take on a high school cliche. Jubilee (Lana Condor) turns up to be the school’s face of diversity and barely gets any lines, nevermind an actual character. Nightcrawler (Kodi Smit-McPhee) materializes (that sound and visual effect never gets old) as quirky exchange student, who will finds himself used as the major mode of transportation for the rest of the film and not much else. Quicksilver re-appears to do exactly what he did the last time in a much longer scene, that starts off cool but ends up unnecessarily long, especially in slow-motion.

Of the old guard, Mystique (Jennifer Lawrence)’s gone rogue (speaking of a fan favourite that isn’t there – are we allowed only one strong female character per movie, and we’ve maxed out with Jennifer Lawrence?). Her personal mission is to help a (mutant) brother out, along with freelancing on the side as a mercenary. Magneto (Michael Fassbender) has grown out some rocking facial hair and is a family man, with a bit of a hipster lumberjack vibe going for him. He’s a metalworker in a tiny village in the middle of nowhere, and his arc is the only thing that makes this movie feel like a film, besides the epic opening scene. But let’s talk about that first.

The strongest blockbuster opening sequence this year

What a solid set-up. The movie starts with a high-octane, ancient world Ben Hur-scale conspiracy against Apocalypse, whom we’re only just learning about. It doesn’t matter, between the massive scale, the majesty and the magic, and the liquid gold effects and great action, it opens with a bang. It’s chased by tight introductory/re-introductory scenes, we meet Storm as a street rat, Angel’s a cage-fighting punk, Psyloche is a super sexy superpowered bodyguard (I was disappointed that they did nothing interesting with Olivia Munn, who is absolutely hilarious)…

And mad props to Bryan Singer and Michael Fassbender for Magneto’s arc, and giving X-men: Apocalypse the one emotional, authentic point in the film. In an immersive, cinematic moment, particularly rare in blockbusters, Michael Fassbender gives a raw, revealing performance that stayed with me. A genuine moment of good storytelling, lost in yet another superhero movie with no stakes, flimsy character development, and poor pacing.

The problem with Apocalypse

The biggest problem with the movie was that Apocalypse really wasn’t very… Scary? Evil? Motivated? Good at leading? The big bad wasn’t very big and wasn’t very bad. I mean, yes he killed a ton of people, and being made into a wall is kind of a scary way to go, but where were his epic lines? Why would his horsemen follow him? Apocalypse is suppose to inspire terror and awe, in the face of such pure power. Sure, he might have unlimited power, but he has no screen presence, no moral ambiguity, no motivation or haunting disregard for life.

The world is being blown up again, but there isn’t real weight to what could be lost. We’ve seen it in so many franchises, but what is disappointing about this is that the X-men universe in one in which ethics and philosophy are central, from the mutant regulation of the early films, to the difference in principles and motivations of Professor X and Magento that drive the universe. Hey, but at least X-men fans are used to movie disappointments – can anyone actually remember what X3 was about?

Don’t take our word for it, watch X-Men: Apocalypse for yourself and let us know what you think! Book your tickets on Popcorn!