When I write reviews, I like to spend the early paragraphs going into detail about the game’s story. After all, stories are ultimately what keep me interested in whatever it is I’m reading, watching, or playing—especially so for hentai. That said, I can also forgive a few things. If the rewards, like cutscenes or sexy illustrations in the case of hentai games, are worth the slog, then so be it. Unfortunately, neither of these scenarios make Dragon Providence something worth talking about. I also can’t summarize the game’s story because I have no clue what the hell it is about. At first, it seemed to be about Rupie, a pixie who ropes in a naive girl to defeat monsters, only to slyly suggest that she wants to rule the world (and no one calls her out on this). After a few battles, I was haphazardly introduced to the personifications of the tarot, represented in-game as a bevy of beautiful ladies. Oh, and then a knight shows up? And oh look, now I’m having sex with one of my lady warriors. Dragon Providence is a mess of a game where any measure of entertainment is bogged down by an oppressively bad interface, weak gameplay mechanics, and information overload.

For the most part, Dragon Providence is a species of RPG where you fight monsters across different landscapes with the intent of becoming bigger, faster, and stronger. Once and a while, these jaunts will lead you to an encounter with massive bosses that take up nearly a third of the screen. The overall goal is to fight your way through monsters and bosses to increase the stats of your lady warriors, represented in-game as collectible cards. This all plays out through a series of static screens linked together by buttons and graphic images. And because this is a browser game, you won’t get much in the way of 3D graphics or analog gameplay. For example, fighting low-level monsters is simply a matter of tapping them once they appear on-screen. There are no special menus or any sort of an active battle system. Nothing happens here without the player’s direct input. Were this a clicker game, it might have been more interesting. But fighting monsters and bosses requires very little strategic thought. Speaking of bosses, these large, imposing beasts of horror are mostly a joke. My first raid battle, for example, made it a point to feature a cut-scene of sorts to highlight the detail of the creature which was, in this case, a giant horse with a fiery mane. Unsure of how to proceed through the encounter–I didn’t even get much of an opportunity to see if my character deck was good enough in battle–I followed the on-screen instruction to “tap” on the boss monster, which was destroyed only after one hit. The battle, like many others I’ve experienced, is hilariously anti-climactic. After the boss was defeated, I was taken to a reward screen featuring graphic advertisements, tool tips, and special drop rates without being debriefed on what the hell had just happened.

There is a card system in place where new characters are made available as loot drops from special boss encounters and “gacha,” a sort of gambling-style mini-game that gives you items, new character cards, and even Nutaku gold coins. Again, these cards represent the game’s all female cast of playable fighters whose skills and abilities can level up through play. These cards can also be combined to enhance one character at the expense of another, allowing you to really customize and plan your card deck. By working to make your characters better, you’ll earn the chance to have sex with them as a means to bolster their power further. The sex scenes are fairly cut and dry, as static images show fully nude characters in the throes of sex, their moaning and coital yelling filling out a dialog box. In all honesty, the sex in Dragon Providence is really forced, as if the game knew it needed a hook to get people playing. Here’s the thing, though: if you want to have a good time watching anime sex, you don’t need this game.

Even though it has naked anime girls, Dragon Providence was actively off-putting. The gameplay is confusing and feels designed to rush you through playable bits so it can shove promotions down your throat. The game is, hands down, a usability facilitator’s worst nightmare. Between the daily login screens and the numerous half page long images that advertise gacha payouts, surface level gameplay information, and promotions, the whole thing is mired in visual bloat. I found it so incredibly frustrating to play, scrolling through long pages trying to find the button or logo that will get me to the next round of combat/screen tapping. Furthermore, I found it especially annoying when I go to tap an image I think will take me to a screen and it doesn’t do anything. A lot of visual elements cannot be differentiated from a useable link or just a promotional graphic. The whole thing is a ruthless assault on the sense.

For every positive thing I want to say about Dragon Providence, there’s usually something around the corner to undo any goodwill. I do like the character illustrations when they appear during cutscenes but their existence doesn’t make any sense. In-game ads are eye-catching but they are too big and get in the way of me doing anything–also, some are filled with spelling errors. As a game played entirely on a web browser, I’m really impressed with how it tracks my daily logins and progress as well as jump between any number of pages with seemingly little effort. I bet the web code for this game is insane. That said, I occasionally tapped menu buttons and got directed to dead links, error screens, or the title screen which made me question the reliability of playing the game for long periods of time.

In my opinion, Dragon Providence is a confounding mess. The chance to see naked girls isn’t worth the trouble of trying to figure out what this game wants you to accomplish. I would rather play this sort of game as an iOS app instead because it would at least be a little more stable. Lacking the typical excitement associated with accomplishing anything, Dragon Providence is a boring spectacle made of shoehorned sex scenes and uninspired storytelling. This particular game might not be worth your time.