For $49, you can spend 3½ hours of your life trapped on a bus with women who know what “turtle time” means — and who like to do it themselves, from time to time.

Not content with nine “Real Housewives” series (the latest, “The Real Housewives of Dallas,” debuts Monday), Bravo has decided to reach for the stars with its first-ever bus tour, which kicks off in NYC this week.

Fans can catch “Real Housewives of New York City”-themed drives Saturday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. Not that any of the “Housewives” actually use public transportation (except for Carole Radziwill, of course. She’s so downtown).

“It’s the first time I’m ever riding a bus my entire life,” says “RHONY” newbie Jules Wainstein, whose face — along with those of her fellow “Housewives” — is plastered on the mega tour bus.

The ride swings by “RHONY” staples like restaurant Beautique — where Sonja Morgan famously slurred “What are you doing here without Dorinda?” — and Le Cirque, home of Aviva Drescher’s unforgettable leg-toss. You’ll even get to see the sites of the cast’s favorite eateries, like the Monarch Room and Cherry, both now closed.

Most of the time, passengers are confined to the bus, snapping pics of the so-called sites through the windows while they watch old clips and answer trivia questions such as: “Which ‘Housewife’ refers to herself as the straw that stirs the drinks?” Sonja! Duh!

Sometimes, the superfans are actually allowed to set foot off the bus and into the likes of the Russian Tea Room, where the first-ever reunion show was taped, or Georgetown Cupcake, a favorite of Bethenny Frankel’s. The tour does not include a complimentary $3.25 cupcake, but participants get a coupon for 10 percent off to use during their visit.

Sadly, though, there’s no Ramona Singer-brand pinot grigio to wash down your 33-cents-off treats.

“It’s against state laws,” a tour rep told us. And, according to former “RHONY” star Kristen Taekman, the Singer-brand wine basically only exists within the magical world of Bravo, anyway.

“I don’t know any places you can get it in the city, I’m not going to lie,” says Taekman. “You have to go to her house, everybody!”

Now that would be a stop worth paying for.

Tours start at 11 a.m. outside of Tipsy Parson, 156 Ninth Ave., between 19th and 20th streets; details at onlocationtours.com