There is a palpable fear from Kinksters of being shamed by vanilla folks for the activities they engage in. Worse yet there is real danger of discrimination in the workplace, doctor's office, and courtroom. So much so that a national advocacy organization centered on sexual freedom was founded to protect the rights of Kinksters and educate medical and law professionals.

Luckily, more often the insult is not intentional, but just a social faux pas that can be corrected. Don't make me break out the ball-gag and flogger before you learn how to be ally.

Don’t assume you understand the subculture because you saw that fucking movie.

There’s a spectrum of involvement here. Some people are bedroom players, some people are lifestyle players, and for some people this edges spiritual levels. There are people who have spent 20 years refining the skill of throwing a whip. Equally, there are people who have spent years learning how to process pain, how to serve with confidence, or the philosophy and theory of sadomasochism.