This, friends, is a not so subtle clue that Shoeman might not be what he seems. Another early indication that Shoeman’s political allegiances may not lie with the red, white and blue comes when the Secret Service agent complains that cops and firefighters never get any praise or attention or public validation, only criminals and murderers and terrorists, and that you all but have to betray your country to Muslims to get your name in the paper.

What he’s saying is obviously true. Christ, if we romanticized cops and firefighters and secret service agents the way we do Osama Bin Laden there’d be lots of TV shows and movies about the heroism of cops and other law enforcement agents, kids would grow up wanting to be cops or firefighters or CIA agents and cars everywhere would be festooned with Blue Lives Matter bumper stickers or less problematic expression of support for the police. But nope, none of that shit exists. Maybe someday they’ll make a TV show about a heroic cop but for the last hundred years it’s been nothing but hit movies and TV shows about the greatness of terrorists and criminals.

Agent Madison loves his country. What he does not love is this bunk about Jesus. So when the President of the United States, who I will heretofore refer to as President Mullet Jesus, due to his Christ-like humility and “pious party in the front, righteous revel in the back” hairstyle says grace before a meal, Agent Madison scoffs so loud that people in neighboring zip codes can hear him simultaneously dishonored baby Jesus and his primary vessel on earth, President Mullet Jesus, reasoning via narration, "I initially figured that closing your eyes and asking nothingness to make your food nourish you, when the food that I eat does the same thing without this ignorant ritual, was in my eyes ridiculous. I didn’t know what would happen to me after that, after my disrespect to the President, but the dinner went on without a word."

If an underling were to scoff at Donald Trump publicly, he would order that man murdered, along with the rest of his family. That’s not how President Mullet Jesus rolls, however. He's Christ-like in his ways, whereas Trump is more Satanic. This loud public scoffing only instills in President Mullet Jesus a fierce, soul-consuming desire to share the Gospel of Christ and the ecstasy of eternal peace with a non-believing douche bag.

My Best Friend is rooted in a very curious fantasy: what if the President of the United States, the most powerful man on earth, was a groovy youth minister who privileged saving one jerky atheist’s soul over running the most powerful country on earth?