"I take responsibility for every decision I made, but that's not why I lost," said Hillary Clinton, seemingly without a shred of irony, in a recent panel at the annual technology summit Code Conference.

With a pointed shrug, Clinton laid her loss at the feet of — no prizes for correct guesses — Russian hackers.

"The overriding issue that affected the election that I had any control over — because I had no control over the Russians. Too bad about that — was the use of my emails. The way that it was used was very damaging."

"Seventeen agencies, all in agreement, they concluded with high confidence that the Russians ran an extensive information war campaign against my campaign to influence voters in the election… Putin wants to bring us down. He was an old KGB agent."

And the anti-Clinton outlets that dogged her for the leaks coming out of her campaign? Russian agents, in the mind of Hil-Dog.

"[The Russians] had their allies like Infowars say the most outlandish, absurd lies you could imagine. They had to be ready for that."

"I was very responsible and not at all careless," Clinton added. Never mind the conclusions of former FBI director James Comey, who called Clinton "extremely careless" in his July 2016 testimony regarding the email server scandal — a testimony that ultimately concluded that the FBI did not want to bring charges against Clinton.

Clinton still seems bitter that Comey, who in large part protected her from prosecution, referred to her as such. "The investigation was conducted ended in July. It was over and I have my complaints about … Comey."

She also brought in the sexism angle, claiming that the media went after her for conducting paid speeches for Goldman Sachs while she was Secretary of State solely because she was a woman. "Men got paid for the speeches they made … I got paid for the speeches I made… at some point it bleeds into misogyny," Clinton said, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the criticism was rooted in accusations that she was a puppet of financial institutions like Goldman Sachs, regardless of her anatomy.

Later Clinton would state that she would watch her male colleagues "beat the podium and they yell and the crowd loves it. I have tried that and it's been less than successful" as evidence of misogyny in politics. It certainly couldn't have had anything to do with Clinton's charisma and likability, or lack thereof. To imply such a thing would be sexist.

Other stops on the Clinton blame train on Wednesday included the ever-ominous fake news ("We did not engage in false content… we weren't in the same category as the [Republicans]"); Facebook ("If you look at Facebook the vast majority of the news items posted were fake. They were connected to, as we now know, the 1000 Russian agents… They were connected to the bots"); the DNC ("I inherit nothing from the Democratic party. It was bankrupt. It was on the verge of insolvency… its data was mediocre to poor") and others.

But the biggest share of the blame (besides the Russians of course) went to President Donald J. Trump. Or they're one and the same. Hard to tell.

"You had counties that had voted for Obama and were not particularly keen about voting for Trump, but worried that I was going to jail, worried that I was, you know, running a child trafficking operation in the basement of a pizzeria." This in reference to the Pizzagate scandal, which Hillary insisted was a complete falsehood cooked up by a Russian conspiracy (her words) to discredit her.

"And you put yourself in the position of a low-information voter, and all of a sudden your Facebook feed, your Twitter account is saying, 'Oh my gosh, Hillary Clinton is running a child trafficking operation in Washington with John Podesta!'"

Clinton even thought Trump's "covfefe" gaff was a "hidden message to the Russians," which sounds like a lame joke but is a real thing that she really said.

Before she sat down, Clinton walked onto the stage to the pop song "Roar" by Katy Perry, which includes the lyric "I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything."

On that, Sputnik has no comment.