Last night, Nicolas Cage took time out from promoting Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance on Letterman to address one antique dealer’s claim that he is, in fact, a vampire. Last fall, the man posted a photo online from the 1860s that bears a striking resemblance to the actor and said it proves Cage is the walking undead. “Well, let me say that there is a resemblance, but how can I be polite about this?” Cage told Letterman. “It’s a, uh, somewhat slowed-down version of me.”

There are similarities, Letterman noted. “But it’s slowed-down,” Cage reiterated. He says he doesn’t drink blood, he has a reflection in a mirror, and a photo can obviously be taken of him, so that proves he’s not a vampire. But isn’t that exactly what a vampire would say? Watch or read enough vampire stories, and you inevitably get to one that argues the reflection bit was a rumor started by vampires to throw off humans. The vampires drink more than blood on The Vampire Diaries. I’m not saying Cage is a vampire…. I’m just saying he hasn’t proven he’s not yet. Technically.