THE first television advert for abortion advice has done exactly what it was supposed to do, the Advertising Standards Authority has confirmed.

The ASA said it had received 1,054 angry complaints about the Marie Stopes advert from precisely the sort of hectoring Christian freaks it was designed to piss off.

In rejecting the complaints, the ASA said it was delighted that its decision would infuriate them even more.

A spokesman said: “It was so much fun reading through their demented letters and emails, picturing their purple faces and furrowed brows and laughing at the way they signed off with ‘God Bless You’ even though they want us to die because some of us are probably gay.

“And now we can’t wait to reject the complaints about the rejection of their complaints.”

He added: “We’ve asked Marie Stopes to do a new ad which shows, in explicit detail, how the girl got pregnant in the first place, with lots of juicy close-ups and ecstatic panting.

“Maybe this could be the thing that finally causes the top of Paul Dacre’s head to pop off like a champagne cork.”

A Marie Stopes spokeswoman said: “Obviously we’re chuffed to bits.

“We thought we’d get maybe five or six hundred, but to know that more than 1000 religious arseholes who base their hatred of women on a fairy story are out there banging their little fists on a table is tremendous value for money.”