Skyrim launched back in 2011, so you may think you have explored every nook and cranny, done every quest, and bedded every argonian maid, but you would be wrong. Joseph Devon has invented a new way to rock this Bethesda title by bringing a de facto multiplayer mode into the game. You won’t be able to set your friend’s horse on fire or Fas Ro Da them off of a cliff, but through your knowledge and skill you may be able to triumph.

Here’s how you start: finish the tutorial level and stand at the mouth of the cave. Gaze upon the beauty of Skyrim and save. Take a note of this save point, you’ll need it for restarting again later and to avoid the whole trouble of beheadings and dragons. Anything you find in the tutorial is fair game for what is coming, so be sure to horde it.

What you will need to play Speed Skyrim:

A notepad to record stats and certain beginning items.

A timer, preferably of the kitchen variety. The ticking will menace you. If you don’t have a normal timer, this one is my favorite.

An Honor System. Seriously you whelps. It’s a game. Play fair.

Skype or some other chat application.

Your best smack talk.

Dice or a random number generator.

From this point you will embark on your journey. You will have one hour to complete one of the following tasks: If you can’t decide, use the random number generator to pick for you.

Gather the most arrows.

Gather the most gold.

Gather the most potions.

Gather the most ingredients.

Kill the most humans.

Kill the most animals.

Craft the most items.

Discover the most places.

Get the most skill ups

Die in the most possible ways.

Another scenario of your own choosing.

The person at the end of the hour with the most objects or kills wins. You will flail about in your squishy state hoping to find the most rudimentary of items. You will die. You will level up rapidly and watch as those first key points turn you into a deadly nord warrior / mage / rogue. Save often.

There’s more to the game though. Set another timer for 10 minutes, or if you are a pixie, 15 minutes. Get a die ready, because when the timer goes off your very next action will be decided at random from the table below. No ifs, ands, or buts. You have to do whatever following event is chosen before you can return to your gathering quest.

Cook something. Only stolen weapons can be used until the next timer. Roll a melon or cabbage down a hill. Kill the next horse you see. Kill someone while nude. Punch a shopkeeper. Daggers only until next timer. Drink 5 poisons. Request a song. Disenchant something. Pick a lock. Smith something. Fist fight a mud crab. Two handed weapons until next timer. Discard your chest piece. Kill the next animal you see. Pick one item from the closest pocket. Fill a soul gem. Steal 50 gold worth of items (or gold). Shoot an arrow at a mammoth.

Sometimes these side quests will take you ten seconds, other times a half hour. It all depends on the dice roll and your skills.

At the end of the hour, tally your score and the winner will be determined. The winner is now the Jarl of your group of friends.Gathering quests like arrows or gold are probably the best for Speed Skyrim because they are measurable and doesn’t rely on the honor system for counting kills. But with a good enough group of friends you can mark your score however you want.

If you happen to be playing with the same friends, feel free to continue with this character. You’ll be surprised how far you can get without becoming the Dragonborn or even completing a quest.

Go forth adventurer, conquer this game before you take an arrow to the knee.

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Tony Southcotte: Tony hails from the Rocky Mountains somewhere around the state of Colorado. Possibly raised by grizzly bears, this gritty denizen of the arena now spends most of his time grappling with Java updates and dysfunctional RAM. With not much fiction under his belt, it might seem tempting to bet against Mister Southcotte, but an impressive knowledge of everything from PVC pipe to psychedelic drugs makes Tony a storehouse of fiction waiting to hit the paper. Plus, you know, there’s the possibility of him ripping you apart like a grizzly bear.