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In the laid back California town of sunny San Raphael

Lived a girl named Pearly Sweetcake,

You probably knew her well

She was stoned 15 of her 18 years

And her story was widely told,

That she could smoke 'em faster

Than any dude could roll



Well her legend finally reached New York

That grove street walk up flat

Where dwelt the Calistoge Kid,

a beatnik from the past

He'd been rolling dope since time began

And he took a cultured toke and said

'Jim, I can rollem faster than any chick can smoke'



So a note gets sent to San Raphael

For the Championship of the World

The Kid demands a smoke off

'Well bring him on' sayz Pearl

'I'll grind his fingers off his hands,

he'll roll until he drops'

Sayz Calistoge 'I'll smoke that chick 'til she blows up and pops'



So they rent out Yankee Stadium

And the word is quickly spread

Come one come all, who walk or crawl

Tickets just two lids a hit

And from every town in Hamlet

Over land and sea they speed

The Worlds greatest dopers

With the Worlds greatest weed



Hashishes from Morocco

Hemp smokers from Peru

And the Shashnicks from Bagoon, who smoke the deadly Pugaroo

And those who call it 'Light of Life'

And those that call it 'Boo'



See the dealers and their ladies

Wearing turquoise,lace, and leather

See the narcos and the closet smokers

Puffing all together

From the teenies who smoke legal

To the ones who've done some time

To the old man who smoked reefer, back before it was a crime



And the 'Grand Old House That Ruth Built'

Is filled with the smokes and cries

Of 50,000 screamin' heads, all stoned out of their minds

And they play the National Anthem

And the crowd lets out a roar

As the spotlight hits the Kid and Pearl

Ready for their smokin' warrrr...



At a table piled up high with grass, high as a mountain peak

Just tops and buds of the rarest flowers

Not one stem, branch or seed

I mean a Maui, a Wowie, a Panama Red, Alcopoco Gold

