I feel so stupid. I was visiting some friends where my old college was in a town a few hundred miles away this weekend.

There’s this girl I’ve known for five or six years who also went to this college, and she now is in PA school in a different college several hundred miles from the one I’m visiting near.

She told me the day before she had pinkeye and as a result of that I was debating not going because I didn’t want to get infected with it.

When I said this, she got annoyed and kinda mad at me, as if she really wanted to see me. I reconsidered partially because of this so I ended up going, I didn’t realize she’d get upset if I didn’t go.

I told her I’d be willing to visit to see her even if it was only for 10 minutes. Her birthday is soon so I figured it’d be a good opportunity to give her a present that I knew she’d enjoy.

She told me I could stay the night because she didn’t want me driving up and back in the same day. I thought that was a good idea because it’s a four and a half hour drive both directions. I got up super early to beat the traffic and get there at 9 in the morning.

I pull into her apartment lot, we go to breakfast, sit down and what’s one of the first things she starts talking about? This guy that she’s going out to dinner and drinks with later.

Oh. Okay.

Then she says that last night or a few days prior they had watched Netflix together in her apartment.

So now, I’m concerned about staying because I don’t want to be that awkward third wheel/random person sitting in the next room while they’re doing whatever.

I asked her if they were doing that again tonight and she said it was a possibility.

At that point I pretty much told myself “I would rather die in a car accident from sleep deprivation than be put into that situation.”

So the day goes on, she insists a couple times that it’s fine if I stay but I tell her it’s really not because it would be a huge inconvenience to her (not to mention I wouldn’t exactly enjoy the situation) so I told her I’d consider staying at least.

We walk around the campus, we talk, usual stuff you’d do with friends.

Day goes on, and I do a bunch of stuff for her, since she needs to study. Figured I’d help out by doing whatever. Washing dishes, getting her laundry out for her (it was cold and she didn’t wanna go out to get so I did because I don’t care), I fixed her laptop by reinstalling windows because it was running slow, helped her study, etc.

Rolls around to about 6, and the computer is finishing up reinstalling windows. It works fine, so I give her what I got: a bunch of movies I know she likes, all DC/Marvel and an assortment of love movies. She really seems to like them, which is somewhat of a consolation since I feel kinda shitty about myself because I drove four and a half hours only to be pushed aside by some other dude who she can see pretty much any day, even when she’s studying since they’re both in PA school.

She doesn’t wanna hug me because pinkeye, so understandable she doesn’t wanna get me infected.

I leave and the entire drive home I just can’t help but wallow in my misery. I also got really exhausted and I started falling asleep about two hours of the way back because I had been up for about 16 hours by then. I pulled off and rested for 10 or 15 minutes because obviously don’t wanna cause an accident. Though I think it’s funny in a weird way how I almost did die from sleep deprivation rather than staying.

I get back to my friend’s apartment around 11 and then go back out, get some coffee and play video games until 6 in the morning to get my mind off this crap.

Haven’t heard from her since Saturday, the day I went up there. And I rarely hear from her first as it is, I’m usually the one who tries to talk with her but she doesn’t answer usually. Probably too busy for me. She usually just messages me when she has a computer problem she needs fixed it seems.

Let this be a lesson to anyone reading this. Do not do what I did. You’ll only be crushed and saddened by feeling rejection and being unwanted.

This is easily a top 3 mistake I’ve made in my life. Given the choice I would 100% not do it again.

One of the worst things about this whole ordeal is I can never tell my parents. Why? They don’t know I did it. And they never will because they’d kill me.

This is what happens when you’re desperate to find companionship with a girl. You go stupidly far out of your way and you just lose.

I’m not mad or pissed. I’m just sad that I drove four a half hours to give her an early birthday gift and I pretty much was cast aside. I spent 9 hours driving and 26 hours awake. I made so many sacrifices and it was…all for nothing.