California didn’t last long, but it turned out to be just long enough in the end. In the meantime though, I still had no idea what I was going to do with Ava when she got home. I couldn’t have her destructive behaviors in my house with my younger children. I can’t really articulate what it’s like to feel like you have to choose between your children, but that was the position I ended up in. I couldn’t allow her addiction to continue to damage my younger children. Or her. Balancing this is impossible to the best of my knowledge or ability.

(There is no worse feeling than having to protect your children from each other and themselves)

My answer came again where I hadn’t expected. A friend offered to take her when she got back for a short period. Not only did he know Ava and her addictive behaviors well, he didn’t take any shit, and just happened to have what probably saved her life sitting right in his medicine cabinet.

It wasn’t quite so simple though. Duh, if you’ve read any of this blog. *insert usual eyeroll*

I was TERRIFIED of her coming back to Connecticut. She had no ID and had lost most of her belongings. I had no idea where she would live while I was booking her flight, and just pondering what else we could try that we hadn’t already. The desperate last resort, California, was now gone. The insurance still wouldn’t be in place for several weeks. I sadly couldn’t help but think the streets and syringes would swallow her back up the second she came back.

So I did something I couldn’t believe I would ever consider. And something intervined ONLY because that wasn’t the path she was meant to take.

When I realized she had to come home I was in full on “whatever it takes to save her life” mode. Her boyfriend at the time was who she wanted to pick her up at the airport. I truly thought the moment her feet hit the ground she would be off running again, and that it would likely end with her in the ground.

I remembered she had a warrant. I had this sudden idea so I literally pulled over my car to make some calls hours before she was due to land. After several conversations with rather inept police departments, I was able to confirm this for certain. So I called the airport security. My plan was to have her arrested as soon as she got off the plane. That is what should have happened. I had arrangements with airport security, after explaining my desperation, to have her picked up by them as soon as she landed. They had 3 agents waiting at the dock to get her. We are tiny and rather easy to spot at only 4’11”.



(This is what we will do to save our children…Fucking ANYTHING!!! Do you have any idea what it’s like to ask the police to lock up your baby? If you do, I’m so sorry.)

Somehow, despite my picture and description, she slipped passed all 3, not ever even knowing they were there waiting for her. When I got the call she was at my friend’s house frankly I was livid. That shouldn’t have happened. I still can’t apologize enough to the poor airport security man I yelled at for a good 20 minutes after getting the call. “How in the FUCK did she get passed you??!!!”. But she did…and everything happens for a reason Kyle 😉.

The call I got later that evening was a surprise to say the least. Not only had she made it to my friend’s house and wasn’t out running like I had anticipated, but she had immediately received a Vivitrol shot he just HAPPENED to have in his house. I mean, I’d love to know statiscally what the odds were that she would end up in the house of someone who had this on hand….no really, if someone could figure that out, that would be cool. I don’t ever recommend people break the law and share prescriptions, but desperate times call for desperate things, and my friend knew Ava well enough to know that girl has no “rock bottom” and just how much danger she was in.



(Thank you)

I can’t ever thank you enough, friend I will never name for your protection. Wish I could but you know, and I know, and most importantly Ava knows, you most likely are the reason she is here today.

On to the trials and tribulations of early recovery…