Respected Sir/Madam,

How are you? Football World Cup is going to start. I am not able to control my excitement even five minutes. Due to retirement after many years of lifelong meritorious service in public sector bank, for the first time in my life I will be able to sit at home and watch World Cup without any limits. 3 a.m. ok. 4 a.m. ok. 5 p.m. ok. 10 p.m. ok. Whatever time it is ok, Mr. Mathrubootham is a fully free man he can do whatever he wants.

Nobody can tell anything if I want to watch football in my own house, and if Mrs. Mathrubootham has any problem, then I don’t care, who is she to tell me what to do. I will sit in the balcony and watch on phone or maybe I will go to Dr. Shankaramenon’s house or I will secretly listen to radio in the bathroom, nobody can stop me. This is real retirement freedom.

Let me be frank sir/ madam. Once upon a time I used to think football was all nonsense, some colonial inferiority complex drama item like jogging, Shakespeare, talcum powder and cauliflower. Then I got transferred as senior accountant to Calcutta branch. Those days manager of Calcutta branch was one Mr. James Paulose from Quilon. Very hard-working fellow and very good manager and very open-minded about petty cash.

Just one problem. During World Cup suddenly he used to transform into another creature like Radha turning into snake in superhit Tamil film Manaivi Oru Manickam. I will go into his office to get approval of loan application and suddenly he will say: “Tell me Senior Accountant, who is better Gerd Müller or Johan Cruyff? TELL ME NOW OR I WILL NEVER APPROVE THIS LOAN!!!”

Sir/ madam imagine my suffering. I am standing in manager’s cabin and thinking Guruvayoorappa if I tell the wrong answer my customer Mr. Enrico Fermi Dasgupta will not get housing loan. Finally I said “Sir you know the answer like I do, it is very obvious, don’t insult me with such stupid questions. Will anybody compare Miller and Christ?” Loan got immediate approval.

That same evening I went and purchased one book on football. Only like that we were able to do any work in Calcutta between 1974 and 1978. By the by I became a great football fan. What is colonial about football? Nothing. My favourite team is England.

Sir/ madam unfortunately there is just one problem with being a football fan in India. And that problem is cricket fans in India. In fact, I believe that at least 80% of all problems in India are because of cricket fans.

I will give fresh example. This morning after Seniors Intermediate Yoga we were discussing World Cup topics. Suddenly my friend Mr. Mohammed Usman came and said “What football football you are talking? Shameless fellows trying to copy foreigners.”

Sir/ madam, Mr. Usman has one family photo in his house with Mr. Usman, Mrs. Usman, two children and one cardboard cut-out of Sachin Tendulkar. Background is Photoshop cricket stadium.

I said what nonsense you are talking Usman? As if your forefathers during Jambuvan time were sitting and trying to hit a ball 87 times before touching one by mistake and all the forefathers said in Sanskrit oho aha what a cover drive through mid-wicket for no runs, good start by Gangaikondacholapuram Super Kings.

Usman said you are fool and also traitor, at least I support Indian team, you have any shame supporting England? I said you shut up Usman, I have also seen test match. If you want to see something so slow look at Himalayas no? It is growing 1 centimeter per 35 years.

Finally, yoga teacher came and interrupted our fight and told us to go home immediately otherwise Yoga membership cancel.

Sir/ madam, I have no regrets. Which team are you supporting?

Yours in nonstop excitement,

J. Mathrubootham