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I was watching an episode of the American Netflix series The Eastsiders – a show that is based around two gay guys dealing with their ‘on and off’ relationship, focusing on issues like infidelity, jealousy, and most recently, threesomes.

My partner and I were amazed how they had captured our life so vividly. Had someone been following us and watching our every move over the last 11 months?


It turns out we were not alone and after further research into long-term gay relationships, studies show that gay men tend to bring a third into the bedroom at some point in their relationship. It can be healthy for some, as it eliminates the need for infidelity, but in others, it can be their demise. Some gay couples wait until later into their relationship to introduce a third, but others date for less than 12 months before they are already DPing the gay neighbour.

For my partner and I, it was all about trying something different, about spicing up the relationship and seeing if it would strengthen our ties.

My partner is 10 years younger with a killer body, and I still carry the scars of overeating and age so

I was often made to feel left out and not as attractive. My partner would always reassure me that it was only my paranoid delusion but for this reason, it wasn’t something I enjoyed that often.

We continued to invite guys over to our house, or we would go to their apartment. Sometimes the sex was great, other times he just wished we could take back the last hour and a half of our lives.

My partner and I would always both top the third, and our rule was (and still is), neither of us would bottom for anyone other than each other, and we don’t invite friends into the bedroom; we have lost several friends through previous experiences.

This went on for some time but our rock bottom was when we flew to Melbourne for the weekend in the dead of Winter for a holiday.

It was incredibly cold outside so we decided to just stay in the room and fuck all weekend – we did six guys in a period of 72 hours. It was so bad, we were both on Grindr finding the next guy 20 mins after the last one left. We even had the bartender downstairs in the hotel bar leaving bottles of wine and champagne at our door.

We had found him on Grindr, and were determined to get him to join us in our king bed.

When we left Melbourne, we were so sexed up we were ready to go again; it was only a few days before we were onto our next guy.

With the constant threesomes came constant arguments until finally, my partner moved out, and the threesomes stopped. We had a lot of issues that stemmed from these random threesomes.

I was always extremely jealous, and some of the guys we had brought into our bedroom had been a terrible mistake.

Nine months and three threesomes later, my partner has moved home, and our relationship is stable and secure once again. What we had gone through was all part of our journey, and I hope I never have to go through this again.

I can honestly say at the time I believed my relationship was ending, and prepared myself for the worse, but now there is not a day that goes past where I question my relationship and my love for my partner. He is the most amazing guy in the world. Like everyone, he has his faults but I’m lucky to have him.

My advice to anyone that is going through something similar to what we went through is not to give up.

Even if you think the love you once felt is lost, just know that you fell in love with this person, and they may have changed with the time, but that doesn’t mean they are a not the same person. If only a small percentage of your heart still belongs to them then fight through it and if it’s meant to be, the love will come back.