A 1,234 Calorie Day of Coffee and a Double BBQ Burger and Fancy-Ass Quinoa Salad and Wine, and a 1,195 Calorie Day of Oatmeal and Fancy Ass Quinoa Salad and Hot Dogs and Wine.

Sup homies. I missed you. If you missed me too, yesterday I posted a life update explaining my absence. If we have never met, I am so sorry it had to happen this way. TLDR I am now a real professional who is also a full-time grad student and I am fine everything is fine we will all survive this everything will be great forever you cannot actually physically drown in stress I am like 99% sure of that

Anywho

Monday was a great day for me – I actually slept until like 10:30 am. Which for me is a pretty huge deal. So I actually just had coffee for breakfast. I recently discovered the Trader Joes by my house – and by “by my house” I mean a mile’s walk so there’s that like whatever live free or die – and they sell Cold Brew Concentrate and that is just like the best thing that has ever happened to me. So I had 6 oz of that (the concentrate, which is 6 calories), walked said dog, and then went back to sleep. Holidays ftw.

Monday Lunch: Double BBQ Burger 368 Calories

So by the time that lunch rolled around I was like actually supes hungry. My absolute favorite kind of burger is a brand called Franklin Farms, which exists in the refrigerated meatless section of my Giant supermarket, which is like two blocks farther than the Safeway but like 12 closer than the Trader Joes, and they are literally always sold out. Except last weekend, because obviously I had some, so I guess figuratively they are always sold out. In my experience, they are usually sold out. Whatever.

So I stopped buying eggs and cheese, because cheese would always go bad before I could eat all of it, now that I am meatless (for totally not crazypants reasons whatever don’t judge me I judge myself oh my God I am so awkward). So this burger is cheeseless, but there is mayo on there, which I recently learned is not vegan. But after this thingie of mayo is done, I think I’m a vegan…? This burger is:

2 patties Franklin Farms Veggie burgers (200cals)

2 slices Nature’s Harvest Multigrain Bread (80cals)

1 tbsp Light Hellman’s Mayo (35cals)

1 tbsp Stubb’s original BBQ sauce (12cals)

1 tbsp chopped onion (4cals)

1/4 cup shredded iceberg lettuce (0cals but honestly I don’t know if I believe that, MFP)

1/2 container of Hanover Confetti Style Shredded Vegetables (35cals)

Flavorgod Cajun, Garlic, and Garlic salt (0cals)

Also seltzer. I love seltzer. I fucking love seltzer. Seltzer is life.

Seltzer

I am a big fan of this veggie mix, as well. It’s in the frozen aisle, and is one of those ‘steam in bag’ miracles. Every once in a while they are $1 each at my Safeway, and I stock up. It’s also super good with Kikkoman’s Triple Ginger Teriyaki, which is 15 cals /tbsp, and makes like, the absolute best fake-out. I thought I had marinara sauce, so I had to use powdered seasonings, but it was still good.

Shit was incredible.

Monday Dinner: Fancy-Ass Quinoa Salad 221 Calories

I made this fancy ass quinoa salad. I am incredible. And literally fancy af. I told MFP that it made 10 servings, but I’m currently 3 servings deep and it’s like I haven’t even made a dent. I will die, still eating this Fancy-Ass Quinoa Salad. Healthy AF.

Recipe:

2 cups Trader Joe’s Tricolor Quinoa 2 cups Trader Joe’s Hearty Vegetable broth 274g baby carrots 387g cucumbers 1 bag Trader Joe’s Cruciferous Crunch (which is like brussels and kale and cabbage et al) 4 tbsp Balsamic Vinegar 1 tbsp Extra Light Tasting Olive Oil 10 tbsp fresh Basil 1/4 cup raw garlic 1/3 cup sun dried tomatoes



And stir. I told MFP that it made 10 servings, which MFP says are 221 cals each, but I am currently 3 servings deep and it looks like I’m closer to 25% done but whatever I will live my life and finish this Fancy-Ass Quinoa if it kills me.

Monday Dessert: Wine and Halo Top 639 Calories

So I forgot about the Halo Top, but apparently I ate it. MFP is so good to me. So I had 3 7oz glasses of Yellowtail (#cheapaf) Pinot for 133 calories each, and then 1 container of Halo Top Chocolate. I love me. And wine. And also ice cream.

I tried to insert a “page break” that turned out to be really hard, so check out this picture of my cat.

Tuesday Breakfast: Coffee and Oatmeal 142 Calories

So today I had to go back to work. Oh hoooooray. But I didn’t have class, so I got home at 6 pm, which is almost like a vacation for me. I have started eating breakfast at my desk, because I am a sad garbage human, and weirdly I have gotten sick of peanut butter toast.

7 oz Trader Joe’s Cold Brew Coffee Concentrate (at home) (7 cals)

2 cups coffee (at work) (5 cals)

1 packet Apples & Cinnamon Instant Oatmeal (130 cals)

I am like, super good at sticking to 1200 calories on just foods that can live in your desk drawer until you need them. Next time I forget everything at home, look forward to that fun life tutorial. Spoiler alert: Trader Joe’s Madras Lentil pouches, Trader Joe’s Instant Rice Noodle Mushroom/Garlic/Spring Onion Soups, Annie’s Naturals Cream of Tomato Soup.

Tuesday Lunch: Carrots and Hummus and Fancy Ass Quinoa 347 Calories

So I bought these new snack container thingies from the grocery store, because they were $2.50 for a pack of 5, and I was like Aw Yeah Fuck Yeah I Screwed the System Somehow. Turns out I was wrong. These things don’t fucking close. I thought it was because I put too many carrots in, but no, the thing literally does not snap closed. So, you know, fuck you random tupperwares. Anyway.

222g baby carrots (91 cals)

2 tbsp Trader Joe’s Tomato & Basil Hummus (35 cals)

1 serving Fancy-Ass Quinoa Salad (221 cals allegedly)

Tuesday Dinner: Hot Dogs and Vegetables and Wine 606 Calories

So I have been on a huge hot dog kick lately. I have literally no idea why. I am a fan of Smart Dogs Light Life Veggie Protein Links. And again, I have literally no idea why. I recently did an intervention on myself, and stopped buying them, but then I just moped around my house sad for like two weeks and here I’m back. They are awesome. And, because I literally can not stress this enough, I have literally no idea why.

2 Smart Dog Veggie links (100 cals)

1 slice Nature’s Harvest Light Multigrain (40 cals)

2 tbsp Heinz Reduced Sugar Ketchup (10 cals)

2 tsp Trader Joe’s Organic Yellow Mustard (0 cals allegedly)

1 tbsp chopped raw onion (4 cals)

170g broccoli (48 cals)

1/2 bag of Trader Joe’s frozen Brussels sprouts (100 cals)

23 oz Yellowtail Pinot Grig, (437 cals)

I remember, as a teen, being like ridiculously rude to my mom about the whole “HOT DOG BUNS ARE LITERALLY JUST BREAD THAT ARE SOLD IN DIFFERENT SHAPES FOR MORE MONEY” argument, where I would keep arguing that she was a bad mother and she would keep arguing that bread is bread. Now that I am human adult paying my own bills, turns out, that biddy was right. Anywho.

So there we have a 1,234 Calorie Monday, and my 1,228 Calorie Tuesday. Wine is life.