SNAILS OFFENCES ACT

1. Short Title

This statute may be read as the Snails Offences Act.

2. Interpretations

In this act,

â€Snailsâ€ means Students not actually in law school

â€law schoolâ€™s facilitiesâ€ and â€œpremisesâ€ pertain to, but are not limited to, the [insert library name] Law Library (henceforth known as â€œthe libraryâ€), the Law Classrooms, and the tables around the law faculty.

3. Definition of SNAILS

Any person who uses or abuses the premises of law school for his enjoyment without giving priority to Lawyers is a SNAIL.

Explanation

use and abuse includes, but is not limited to, studying, playing games, occupying space, squatting and is not limited to disruptive behaviour covered under s. 5 of this act.

Illustration 1

X is in arts but does not use the facilities of law school. X is not a snail.

Illustration 2Y is a science student. Y walks past the law library, and enters through the main doors. Y is not a snail until she sits down on one of the chairs, after which she is a snail.

Illustration 3

Z is an engineer. Z sleeps in the law library and starts snoring; he is a snail and he is guilty of every offence in this act.

4. Infringing the personal right to enjoyment of Law School facilities

Any Snail who infringes upon the personal right of a lawyer to the enjoyment of law schoolâ€™s facilities, thus depriving him of the use of the facilities is guilty of an offence, subject to the following exceptions listed in s. 6 of this act.

Illustration

A is a lawyer, and leaves his belongings in a classroom for the sole purpose of reserving its use for his enjoyment. Another lawyer B is denied the use of the classroom. A, being a lawyer, is not guilty under this clause.

4A. Penalty for infringing right to enjoyment

The penalty for this offence is subject to the discretion and pleasure of any lawyer whose right is infringed by that snail.

5. Disruptive Behaviour of Snails

Disruptive behaviour is any conduct of a snail that reasonably causes a lawyer to lose concentration, his temper, or causes frustration, irrespective of whether the frustration was uncalled for or otherwise, while that snail is guilty of s. 4 of this act.

5A. Any Snail who exhibits disruptive behaviour while infringing the right of a lawyer is subject to the derision of any lawyer, and the discretion of any lawyer in the vicinity.

6. Exceptions

No snail is guilty of an offence if

(a) that snail is a babe[or hunk, whatever your preference], and does not deny a lawyer access to use of facilites, or

(b) that snail is a companion to any lawyer, subject to reasonableness

Illustration

(a) Kristin Kreuk is in one of the classrooms. She allows any lawyer to enter and use the classroom and any article belonging to the classroom, up to and including the chair she might be sitting on. Kristin Kreuk is a Snail, but satisfies the requirements under exception 6(b) and she is not guilty of any offence under this act. For the purposes of this act, Kristin Kreuk is a babe.

(b) Ronald McDonald and a lawyer walk into the library. Ronald McDonaldâ€™s shoes are making alot of noise, disturbing the peace of every lawyer in the library. He is a snail and is guilty of an offence inasmuch as he is companion to the lawyer but did not satisfy the test of reasonableness.