If sports columns were posted on bulletin boards in town squares instead of the internet, folks would be gathered around Ailene Voisin's Bee column with jaws slung low and "what the Frahms" ringing out regularly. It's a gem. Holy cow, it's a gem.

First, Voisin's sources -- which on first glance look like either the Maloofs or close confidants of the Maloofs -- say that the family will accept a matched bid from Sacramento. In fact,

On Thursday, sources close to the Maloofs said that if the Sacramento group submits a matching offer that satisfies the league's other owners, they will embrace an outcome that keeps the Kings in Sacramento.

And

"We're giving Sacramento every opportunity to keep the team," one source said Thursday, "but they keep blowing every deadline. We haven't seen anything in writing."

That's good news, I guess? But here's the really fun news.

The Maloofs have met with NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman and have for months looked into buying a hockey franchise, with Las Vegas among the possible destinations. Their interests also have expanded and included opportunities in Major League Baseball.

I can envision David Stern running over to Gary Bettman during the annual Sports Commissioners Summit (totally a real thing don't try to convince me otherwise) and saying, "Tag, you're it." (And lord, can you imagine if the Maloofs sold the Kings to the Sacramento group and then successfully bought the Coyotes and moved them to Vegas, blocking Seattle's bid for an NHL team!)

MALOOFED, indeed.

This whole saga has entered the Twilight Zone. Thanks for sending us there, Ailene.