Hey weirdos! For the past few months, I’ve done something unprecedented - I’ve stayed off the internet.

It was hard but I had to do because I’ve been trying to stay SPOILER FREE for the movie event of the new millennium! This December was the revival of one of the most famous sci-fi franchises in the world. Yep, you know what I’m talking about: DOGCOPTER.

So for three months, I sequestered myself from all internet communications. I handed over my laptop and my phone to my little bro, Peedee, and ordered him to bury them in an undisclosed location in the deserts of New Mexico.

I think he just put them in the walk-in freezer at the fry shop.

I won’t lie, it was hard. But I calmed my nerves by reacquainting myself with the “Young Adult Conspiracy” section at my local library. And instead of getting in arguments with internet trolls, I got in real life arguments! With my dad!

And after months of avoiding and spoilers or teasers or trailers, I was in line for Dogcopter 4, and then some dummy walking out of the theater TOTALLY SPOILED EVERYTHING and was like, “I can’t believe that Dogcopter’s parents are actually cats.”

Ug! I hope you’ve seen the movie because that’s pretty much the big ending. Dogcopter dies defending the planet but then he comes back to life because he’s actually part cat and cats have 9 lives. Anyway, the movie was pretty much ruined. So now I’m back. Spoilers are the worst.