Who whacked Creepy Joe Biden?

That’s the big mystery of the week, isn’t it?

How did these women suddenly decide to step forward, just weeks after all those newspaper stories from the ’70s suddenly reappeared outlining Creepy Joe’s now-unfashionable stands on, among other things, busing and reparations?

And the women surfaced at exactly the same time as the story popped up about Biden’s idiotic bragging last year about getting Ukraine’s top prosecutor fired just as that AG was opening an investigation in 2016 into an oligarch’s company that had just hired Creepy Joe’s even creepier son Hunter?

When it rains, it pours — maybe. Or perhaps somebody decided it was time to take Creepy Joe off the board.

The contract could have been put out by almost anybody in the Democrat field. There’s a lot of oppo research going on, obviously, because most of the candidates have already been dinged at least once or twice.

Officially, Biden’s campaign is putting the blast on “right-wing trolls” lurking in “the dark recesses of the internet” for posting all those cringeworthy photographs. Could they be referring to New York magazine’s 2015 piece, “Nine Times Joe Biden Creepily Whispered in Women’s Ears” or the Daily Show’s 2014 jokes about the “Audacity of Grope.”

The problem for Biden is a picture is a worth a thousand words, and there a thousand pictures out there.

But when it comes to this latest barrage, I think there are three main “persons of interest,” as the cops now call suspects — Bernie Sanders, Michael Bloomberg and Hillary Clinton.

(Come to think of it, this really is like a modern mob story — everybody involved here is over the age of 70. Hillary is 71, Creepy Joe 76, while Bernie and Bloomberg are both 77. And yesterday Biden was defended by Nancy Pelosi, age 79, and Diane Feinstein, who is 85.)

According to Axios yesterday, Creepy Joe is pointing the finger at Sanders as being “at least partially responsible” for the hit and “is ready to kill Bernie.”

Bernie is flush with cash — $18.2 million raised in the first quarter — and is running second to Creepy Joe in the national polls. Is there really room in the field for two wrinkly white guys who’ve never worked a day in their lives? Bernie was the victim of Hillary’s dirty tricks in 2016 — remember the questions leaked to Clinton before the CNN debate, just to cite one example? He’s reportedly been recruiting his own crew of Fusion GPS dirty tricksters, the better to fight fire with fire.

On the other hand, Bernie has his own, uh, skeletons in the closet. His 2016 campaign was a veritable cauldron of sexual harassment (as The New York Times reported, in the worst blow so far to Bernie’s campaign). And he is the guy who once wrote in some hippie newspaper about how women fantasize about being raped by three guys.

On Sunday, Bernie seemed to pull his punches a bit, saying of Biden, “I’m not sure that one incident alone disqualifies anybody.”

Of course, maybe he was just saying the right things, knowing that the other shoe was about to drop down in Connecticut. …

Next up in the lineup, the former mayor of New York Michael Bloomberg. Axios, the same website that said Biden blames Bernie, ran another scoop yesterday — “Mike Bloomberg might still run in 2020.”

Bloomberg’s people said earlier that there wasn’t room in the fight for both him and Biden. As Creepy Joe edged closer to announcing, Bloomberg pulled out. But now he “might reconsider.” You know, like John Gotti reconsidered his interest in taking over the Gambino crime family after Paul Castellano didn’t make it to dinner at Sparks Steak House that night. …

Which brings us to the final person of interest, who just happens to be going back out on tour this month.

That’s right folks — Hillary Clinton and her husband will “visit Boston this month for onstage conversations about their careers in public service and the political issues we face today.”

Isn’t that special? Save the date — April 30. The fun couple will be at the Boston Opera House. Tickets start at $99 — quite a discount, I believe, from what the ducats cost last fall. What a coincidence that she’s stepping back out in public.

You know, whenever there’s a hit like this, after a couple of days a headline usually appears saying that the cops are “baffled.”

The more I think about what’s happened to Creepy Joe, the less baffled I am. How about you?

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