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--> A midday take on what's happening in politics and how to have a sense of humor about it.*

*Ha. Haha. Hahah. Sniff. Haha. Sniff. Ha--breaks down crying hysterically.

The Hill's 12:30 Report: Economy loses 701K jobs in devastating March report | End to nearly 10-year hiring streak | Stock market dips | Five things on table for next stimulus | Trump expected to recommend face masks | Health experts worry about emerging virus hotspots | When coronavirus will peak in each state | Trump to talk with energy CEOs | Celebrities crash Zoom classes | Queen to address UK on Sunday

NEWS THIS MORNING

A devastating March jobs report:

Via The Hill's Sylvan Lane, "The U.S. lost 701,000 jobs in March as the growing coronavirus pandemic devastated the American economy and ended more than a decade of uninterrupted employment growth, according to data released Friday by the Labor Department." https://bit.ly/346qVRq

The broken streak: The outbreak broke a 113-month streak of job gains that began in October 2010.

The unemployment rate: It rose from 3.5 in February to 4.4 in March -- that's the largest jump since 1975.

For context, check out this graph of the past decade:

U.S. payrolls fall 701,000 ending a 113-month run of gains https://t.co/jxZAk99raR pic.twitter.com/WS5IzDPp8z — Bloomberg Markets (@markets) April 3, 2020

REACTION ­ -- THE STOCK MARKET DROPPED:

"The Dow Jones Industrial Average was down over 100 points, or 0.5 percent, and the S&P 500 fell 12 points, also 0.5 percent, in the opening minutes of trading."

It's Friday! I'm Cate Martel with a quick recap of the morning and what's coming up. Send comments, story ideas and events for our radar to cmartel@thehill.com -- and follow along on Twitter @CateMartel and Facebook.

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WHERE WE STAND

How many cases in the U.S.: 245,658 https://cnn.it/2UAgW3y

How many deaths in the U.S.: 6,069

Pretty crazy to think about: Via The New York Times, "Half of humanity under lockdown orders: Roughly four billion people have been told to stay in their homes, but some U.S. states have resisted such measures." https://nyti.ms/2X2XrT3

Prediction for when coronavirus will peak in each state: https://bit.ly/2JDyOEp

Cities across the country are in danger of becoming hotspots: What to watch, via The Hill's Jessie Hellmann: https://bit.ly/2JCy56s

IN THE WHITE HOUSE

Possibly coming in the next few days -- a face mask recommendation:

Via The Hill's Brett Samuels, President Trump Donald John TrumpBarr criticizes DOJ in speech declaring all agency power 'is invested in the attorney general' Military leaders asked about using heat ray on protesters outside White House: report Powell warns failure to reach COVID-19 deal could 'scar and damage' economy MORE is expected to encourage some Americans to wear masks or face coverings in public to prevent the spread of the coronavirus. https://bit.ly/3bKRDlh

Which Americans?: "The specific language of the guidance was not yet finalized as of Thursday afternoon, according to a person familiar with the matter, but it is likely to apply to those living in parts of the country that have been subject to outbreaks to curb asymptomatic individuals from spreading the virus."

THE PROBLEM WITH FACE MASKS:

Dr. Deborah Birx, the coordinator of the White House coronavirus response, told reporters that face masks can give people a false sense of security when they are still at risk. https://bit.ly/2V54LLs

In Birx's words: "The most important thing is the social distancing and washing your hands. And we don't want people to get an artificial sense of protection because they're behind a mask. Because if they're touching things -- remember your eyes are not in the mask -- so if you're touching things and then touching your eyes you're exposing yourself in the same way."

What we know: https://bit.ly/3bKRDlh

IN CONGRESS

On to the next stimulus:

Lawmakers are starting to think about the next legislative steps to help the country amid the coronavirus outbreak. https://bit.ly/39E4ep0

Timing: "The talks are in their preliminary stages, and any bill is unlikely to come together before both chambers return as soon as April 20. There are also plenty of hurdles as House Democrats signal they are moving quickly while Senate Republicans say they want to take a wait-and-see approach."

FIVE THINGS BEING DISCUSSED FOR A NEW CORONAVIRUS RELIEF BILL:

Infrastructure: "Democrats and President Trump are seizing on Washington's perennial white whale -- a massive infrastructure package -- as they discuss next steps for Congress." Gaps: "Senate Republicans, while not committing to their own fourth bill, say Congress is likely to need to include 'fixes' to the $2.2 trillion bill passed last week as part of whatever lawmakers do next." More cash payments: "House Democrats are expected to ask for additional cash payments to Americans as part of the next bill." State and local help: "Democrats say they will push for more in stabilization funding for states and local governments." Health care: "As the number of cases in the United States continues to grow -- there were 236,339 cases in the United States as of early Thursday evening, according to Johns Hopkins University -- lawmakers say more needs to be done to bolster the health care system."

Context and details for each from The Hill's Jordain Carney: https://bit.ly/39E4ep0

Op-ed: https://bit.ly/2X6JDaf

GETTING TRACTION

'How did covid-19 begin? Its initial origin story is shaky.':

Via The Washington Post's David Ignatius, "U.S. intelligence officials don't think the pandemic was caused by deliberate wrongdoing. The outbreak that has now swept the world instead began with a simpler story, albeit one with tragic consequences: The prime suspect is 'natural' transmission from bats to humans, perhaps through unsanitary markets. But scientists don't rule out that an accident at a research laboratory in Wuhan might have spread a deadly bat virus that had been collected for scientific study."

The full story: https://wapo.st/2UXF931

IN LIGHTER NEWS

Celebrities have been crashing online Zoom classes: Kim Kardashian Kimberly (Kim) Noel Kardashian WestTwitter removes Kanye West tweet suggesting followers harass journalist Kanye West reportedly asked campaign staff to avoid 'fornicating' Hillicon Valley: TikTok, Oracle seek Trump's approval as clock winds down | Hackers arrested for allegedly defacing U.S. websites after death of Iranian general | 400K people register to vote on Snapchat MORE surprised Georgetown University students by joining their Zoom class. Matthew McConaughey joined an online class for University of Texas at Austin students. Oh, and Chris Harrison made an appearance in a Loyola Marymount University class. Photos: https://eonli.ne/2weZCYK

NOTABLE TWEETS

Yikes:

Open the image to see the caption.



I am speechless.



New York is in deep trouble...which means all of us are. pic.twitter.com/S99fr2KTHX — Yashar Ali (@yashar) April 3, 2020

Wow -- here's a graphic to explain to last week's unemployment claims:

The mammoth US unemployment claims in their historical context. pic.twitter.com/UNDwhBMpZt — Ben Riley-Smith (@benrileysmith) April 2, 2020

Back story: 6.6 million people filed unemployment claims during the week ending in March 28. https://cnn.it/2UCILse

ON TAP

The House and Senate are in. President Trump and Vice President Pence are in Washington, D.C.

11:30 a.m. EDT: President Trump received an intelligence briefing in the Oval Office.

2 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence leads a White House Coronavirus Task Force meeting in the Situation Room.

3 p.m. EDT: President Trump is holding a roundtable with energy sector CEOs. Vice President Pence also attends.

WHAT TO WATCH

5 p.m. EST: The Coronavirus Task Force is holding a press briefing. Livestream: https://bit.ly/2JDwiOK

3 p.m. EDT Sunday: "Her Majesty The Queen has recorded a special broadcast to the United Kingdom and the Commonwealth in relation to the Coronavirus outbreak. The televised address will be broadcast at 8pm on Sunday 5th April, 2020." (Via The Daily Mail's Rebecca English) https://bit.ly/3aHz555

NOW FOR THE FUN STUFF...

Today is National Chocolate Mousse Day!

For weekend planning purposes, tomorrow is National Cordon Bleu Day and Sunday is National Caramel Day.

And because you made it this far, here is an animal alternative to football, posted by the NFL: https://bit.ly/2UFCbB3

Someone needs to sign that cat to a team.