Medic : Can you feel the schadenfreude? Scout : He-hey, look, you shapeshifted into a dead guy! Pyro : AH HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHA! Heavy : I am amused by entire eetty-beetty-teeny team!

Saxton Hale: You work with exceptionally subnormal men. Defectives. Drunks. Sex criminals. War criminals. I'm fairly certain four of them can't even read. Men like that don't get high-end jobs. They get your jobs.

(Scout) "You earned it, bucket-of-chicken pal! You earned it! Don't let nobody take it away from you!"

(Soldier) "Son, whatever third-world stink pile you actually live in, today you are an American!"

(Demoman) "Ack, I knew you could do it!"

(Heavy) "You make Heavy proud!"

(Engineer) "Son, I never said this to anybody before, but I am damn proud of you!"

(Sniper) "You're better than the best, mate. You're a Sniper."

(Spy) "I am not easily impressed, and yet you have impressed me!"