Sillage Postmortem

This is monumentally long, but I wanted to do a general thought-dump of feelings and where I’m at with the fic a week later.

Responding to comments individually is something that I prided myself on for the duration of Sillage’s run. Due to life circumstances, I have no been able to do so for the last three chapters. This is a terrible shame because I think that just being able to have a conversation with readers in the comments is SO COOL!

On ff.net, it’s not really an option, at least not one that makes sense. One of the things I like about ao3 is the fact that it has a comment section, with replies and everything, that makes sense. You can have an actual conversation. It’s great. Especially over the last few chapters, people have been commenting in reply to one another and that’s EVEN COOLER! I am thrilled to see Sillage prompting dialogue between readers.

When life slows down a bit, I still intend to go back to those comments, but in the meantime I wanted to take a moment and address the overarching themes I’ve seen in feedback as the story ended. Those of you who wrote small essays in response: I will get to you individually I promise. I’ve read all the comments, even if I haven’t had time to respond.

BUT WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, here are some pseudo-themed open letter responses:

To those who are disappointed:

I am sorry to have disappointed you. Thank you for being amazing readers who care so deeply about the story. Thank you for being honest with me about how you feel and where you think I’ve fallen short. More than anything, thank you all for being respectful and kind.

I’ve seen a lot of privilege and presumptuous behavior among fic readers before, but never with any of my readers. I knew the ending wouldn’t be what a lot of people wanted and, to be honest, I was a little nervous about it. Part of me worried that, despite the dearth of disrespect thus far, the ending might push some people over the edge.

But not a single person has been anything but polite and kind, even in expressing their disappointment. That means the world to me. Thank you.

I will say that the execution of the final chapters is not quite what I had hoped of myself. However, agonizing over making things perfect wasn’t an option I allowed myself. Frankly, I could feel my energy flagging for the fic. I was worried Sillage would end up as yet another long-running fic with no conclusion. For better or worse, I chose to let the epilogues stand, imperfect as they are, rather than let the fic linger in ‘in-progress’ hell while I waited for the endings to be ‘perfect’

To people talking on reddit:

Apparently people talk there too! You all seem (on average) a bit more put-out than other groups of commenters, so please read the letter above. In general, however, I just think it’s really nifty to discover that y’all are out there, talking about Sillage (and me, kinda) on reddit.

I will not show up in those conversations, though they seem to be super informed and polite. To those who potentially wonder why I didn’t go in more suggestive directions, the story was rated T and I was pretty determined to leave it there. Also, I won’t depict minors in sexual situations.



To those speculating on environmental factors rushing/impacting the epilogues: Life happens. Sillage is, despite everything, a ‘first draft’ of itself. I wrote this fic without a beta reader and without any sort of long-term editorial partner. By the end, I was feeling pressured by the year-anniversary “deadline” I had set for myself. If I had been more lax about that, I might have been more patient and written a stronger ending.

But everyone, myself included, must live with their decisions :P

To those of you who don’t know what everyone else is complaining about:

I’m beyond pleased to know how well you think of me and the fic. I’ve had subtle, understated plans for this fucker since the day I started writing it and even with all the environmental factors going on in my life, even despite my own dissatisfaction with how I carried off the epilogues, this is still the spirit of the ending I wanted.

And if you’re happy with it, I have to believe that you get me on that part.

In many ways, Sillage was written in an obnoxious meta fashion. When I started out, my purpose wasn’t to write a cutesy Elsanna fic. My purpose was to subvert and rewrite all my least favorite tropes and narratives that I disliked in other modern AUs. It’s not a straightforward shipfic and it’s been hard for me to kind of walk that line without falling off one side or the other.

I found myself slipping into the more traditional fic during the happy days of section 4 and it’s been hard for me to reel that energy back in to bring the fic to the conclusion I had planned for it all along. I’m pleased you like the ending. I hope the journey there was a fulfilling one.

To those who think the time difference was too long:

I used to say this about my first boyfriend: “We had an epic romance. Not epic as in great, epic as in long.” It took us years to sort ourselves out, including multiple-year-spans of not-talking. In many ways, that’s left me with a very patient view of love.

So yeah, it’s a long time. But… that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It is, however, hugely reflective of my personal experiences and values as a writer. So… not a representative sample!

To everyone:

Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed my writing, please stick around. Sillage isn’t getting a sequel (though I’ve toyed with the idea of a canon one-shot) but I am doing plenty of other writing. I’d love to continue our conversations in the comments.

- Emirael