Update 19/05/15: With the news that Oculus will not block VR porn, it’s worth reminding ourselves what VR porn is actually like.

Frankly, I’m surprised it took this long. Sci-fi authors and theorists have been dreaming of the possibilities of virtual reality sex the moment VR became a thing. Weirdly, though, even though the Oculus Rift has been in the wild for a good few months, there’s actually very few examples of developers attempting porn.

Until now.

Over the last few days, a lone developer has been breaking new ground with a pair of sexy demos, made in Unity, that illustrate the potential of VR pr0n.

I went hands on. Ish.

The two demos are named ‘cowgirl’ and ‘mastery’. They’re animated loops of 3D modelled ladies that hop up and down on your member. They are not, by any means, sexy. They’re frankly, a little bit horrifying.

Does it work? Could you conceivably get off to this?

Right now? I hesitate to say, “definitely not”, because I know there will definitely be humans who can and will. It’s mostly a bit of a larf that you will probably try once and giggle about. I found the whole thing deeply unerotic.

Not just because it looks faintly horrifying. The models come with disturbingly inaccurate ladybits; thereby somewhat missing the entire point of pornography, and their dead eyes are utterly terrifying.

Meanwhile, I’m a pretty wide man, and the male model whose chest I briefly inhabit is thin. I experienced significant cognitive dissonance as my brain attempted to process the differences in chest width between my two bodies.

And, frankly, if you’re into ‘this kind of thing’, you’re probably going to want some form of peripheral to do the… ugh, handiwork, if you will.

However, even in this brief, stumbling state, there is some weird potential to it. In playing Half-Life 2 with the Oculus recently, I was struck by how I’d involuntarily respond to what characters were saying or doing in-game. When Barney threw the crowbar, I instinctively raised my hand to catch it.

Importantly, I suffered no involuntary response to either of the porn demos. But with a bit of effort and development time, that could change. At that point, civilization is probably doomed.

I wonder what will happen when players understand exactly what can be done with this kind of technology. Rule 34 is a very real thing. If you dig far enough you will definitely find models of every video-game character that can be freely imported into most 3D modelling packages. We’re approaching the time when it’s possible, not only to pose those models, but to simulate having sex with them.

That is a line our species is about to cross.

Please don’t tell my wife about what I’ve done.