"The Gang Goes to the Jersey Shore" Season Seven, Episode Two Writer Dave Chernin & John Chernin Director Matt Shakman Air Date September 22, 2011 Images from "The Gang Goes to the Jersey Shore" "The Gang Goes to the Jersey Shore" is the second episode of the seventh season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Dee and Dennis take the gang to their favorite childhood vacation spot on the Jersey Shore. Things aren't quite as they remember them. Still, Mac, Frank and Charlie have the times of their lives; Dee and Dennis not so much.

10:30 AM on a Friday, Philadelphia, PA

Dennis and Dee stop Frank as he burns old photo albums behind Paddy's. They find photos of their favorite vacations at the Jersey shore and convince the rest of the gang to visit. Mac chokeholds Charlie so they can successfully take him unconscious because of his crippling fear of leaving Philadelphia.

At the beach, Dennis and Dee drink tequila out of sunscreen bottles and comment on how there are only stray dogs and no people around. Charlie enjoys the ocean and drinks sunscreen, even though Dee told him that it is not alcohol. They decide to show Charlie the boardwalk, which is also quite vacant, and decide to go under the boardwalk to find the spot where Dennis had his first kiss. There, they find two homeless men having sex. They are all appalled and a disgusted Charlie leaves to head back to the beach.

Dennis and Dee decide to try and "reset" their trip by going on an amusement part ride on the boardwalk. On the top of the ride, a braid of Dee's hair gets stuck in the gears and is ripped out. Dennis vomits. They go to the hospital to have the part of her scalp reattached and they meet a girl who invites them to party. They are forced to smoke Angel Dust and assist in robbing a laundromat where a robber gets shot. A doctor stitches up the robber and is then shot. Dennis and Dee are forced to dig his grave on the beach, but manage to escape.

Meanwhile, Mac and Frank sit on the beach and eat ham that has been soaked in rum. Stray dogs keep attacking them for the ham, so they decide to float in the ocean in a dingy. They fall asleep and wake up in the middle of the ocean. The ham floats away and Frank contemplates eating Mac, but a boat of guidos arrives and picks them up. On the boat they get spray-tans and steroids, retrieve the ham, and party all night long.

Elsewhere on the beach, Charlie entertains himself when he sees the Waitress walking towards him. He convinces her that he is not stalking her, and she agrees to spend the evening with him on the beach. In the morning, she wakes up and realizes she was tripping on Ecstasy the previous night and hurries away, disgusted.

Back at the hotel parking lot, Dennis and Dee yell at the rest of the Gang to get in the Land Rover and go back to Philly.

Guest starring [ edit | edit source ]

Mary Elizabeth Ellis as The Waitress

Kristina Apgar as Stephanie

Christopher Backus as Bobby

Jeremy Radin as Sketchy Nick

— “ Holy shit! Is that the ocean? ”

“ Yeah buddy, that's the ocean. ” —

— “ What's on the other side of it, there? ”

— “ Now how long would it take... ”

“ Do not try and swim to Europe! ” —

— “ Don't swim to Europe. ”

— “ The sand feels good beneath my feet. I'm a little curious as to where the people are, though. ”

“ No idea, no idea. Didn't want to say anything though. Didn't want to ruin the mood, but where are the people? I'm seeing a lot more dogs than people. ” —

— “ There are a shit ton of dogs out here, I tell ya. Where are their masters? ”

“ I don't think these dogs have masters. I think these dogs play by their own rules. ” —

— “ Oh my god, this place is amazing! And this sunblock drink? Nice, guys. ”

“ They're really good. The thing is, I didn't make you one. ” —

“ Jesus Christ, Charlie. You're drinking sunblock. ” —

— “ It's good, it's good! It gets you all "ughgugh!" ”

“ You're ingesting viscus chemicals and they're getting you high... doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter. We're going to the boardwalk, what do you say? ” —

— “ I feel like we're just scratching the surface of all the cool shit out here. ”

“ What "cool shit"? ” —

— “ Well, the sea specimens, the stray dogs, the trash that floated over from Europe... ”

— “ God damn it, Frank. Eating your drinks? That is genius. ”

— “ Warm sun, cool ocean breezes, gettin' ripshit on ham... ”

“ Might you say we're getting "hammered"? ” —

— “ I just want to get my scalp sewn back on and get the hell out of this miserable town. ”

— “ Look at this girl. What's her story? She's got a decent bone structure. She was

probably very pretty when she was young. She probably spent her summers here

lounging on the beach and scooping ice cream. ”

“ But she didn't want her summers to end so she got herself a fake ID and a pushup

bra. Started hanging out at the local bars. ” —

— “ Right. Developed a nasty coke habit because she loved the way it made her feel.

Extreme highs gave way to extreme lows and she fell into a depression. ”

“ Had herself a kid. Thought it would give her a sense of purpose. And it did, for

a while, until she started using again. ” —

— “ And then social services came knocking at the door, and the kid lives upstate

with his grandparents because she can't take care of this kid. And here she is

festering away in a one bedroom apartment, waiting for the HIV to turn into AIDs,

and wondering "what the hell... ”

“ You know I can hear you, right? ” — Girl

— “ Oh, sorry. We were just using you as a metaphor, though. We didn't mean anything personal... ”

“ Don't sweat it. You're not that far off. ” — Girl

Bobby — “ Are you guys cool? ”

“ I hate to toot my own horn, but I am pretty cool, Bobby. ” —

— “ Well, it was a cool night. We laughed, we collected sea specimens, we drank some ocean. You got a little sick from drinking the ocean, I loved it though. ”

— “ (to Dennis and Dee) Guys, you will not believe the night we had! ”

“ I don't care, there is no meaning to life anymore! ” —

— “ It takes a classy man to admit when he was wrong, and I was wrong! I love the Jersey shore! ”

“ Oh you love it? You love it so much? Get in the goddamn car, you fat fat fatass, fat fat fatass!! ” —





