Disaster is your middle name when it comes to relationships and your romantic passions often end exactly that way. Time and time again you ask yourself why these “attractions of deprivation” feel just like true love. We don’t get taught about the ways which love can hurt us, only that it is a beautiful and life-altering mystery to find. Our gifts are exactly just that, our most profound intimate gifts, but in the wrong hands they are our greatest downfall, but with every heartbreak comes a silver lining.

There is always that one type, you know that kind that stops you dead in your tracks, the type that makes your heart skip a beat and the type that makes you do and say the silliest things. You are literally “weak at the knees” they trigger our insecurities but yet we long for them, how does this happen?

Unresolved issues from childhood and adolescence

We often have unresolved hurts that began in our childhood or teenage years whatever form they manifest be it betrayal, hurt, or abuse. Unconsciously our mind seeks to heal from these traumas in the manipulation of our intimate partners. We are attracted to people who can wound us in the same way but then our consciousness tries to “fix it” by changing the outcome of the original event; this means we can finally break free of our feelings of unworthiness and distrust.

The myth of lost love

Deep in our core of being is a craving for healing, and the answer to this healing is our “myth of lost love” each of us steps out into the world of the unknown. These experiences we face feel like deep loss and betrayal because everything we read and was told as an infant was that love was miraculous, enchanted and profound. Instead, we create this “myth of lost love” to explain why our hurt occurred. Like any powerful myth, our myth of lost love shapes how we come to understand our life, and within that how our love works. There are two aspects to this myth one being it articulates how the world is unsafe, and what we should do about that, and it helps us to create our own walls and barriers in order for us to protect ourselves. The second part is more destructive in its ways and teaches us to hurt ourselves before someone hurts us, in the way of feeling as though it’s always our fault, or that we are unlovable or unworthy of love.

We become our most vulnerable, needy self and our rebellious qualities tell us that we are to blame for our loss of love. Most of us will stubbornly remain loyal to these ideologies, even when we find someone who awakens the unconscious memory of lost love.

The most heartbreaking yet hopeful part is that those qualities we are ashamed of are the ones that can best attract the love we need.

These are our core gifts.

If wise meant easy then we would all be hopelessly and zealously in love. But instead, wilding compelling is what attractions of deprivation can be described as. Our core gifts are not like talents or strengths they are instead our areas of deepest sensitivity and feeling and are a part of our most passionate, creative and loving self. Like most gifts, people take advantage of them and the intensity of them can make us behave irrationally. Our gifts are empowering but we need to recognise how to use them correctly then we can truly understand the deep storyline of our lives.

Fear of abandonment in relationships

Fear of abandonment is one of humanity’s greatest fears, but we keep falling for these types of people who attract deprivation because on some level winning our partner’s love, approval or care is our greatest need. The relationship triggers a sense of neediness and longing that robs our sense of balance and leaves us to feel inadequate, so much pain is caused and we thrive on it. Like with gambling every small reward is intensified and these are the most sneaky and seductive attractions we can come across, the thrill of the chase. It is very similar to what happens in love addiction.

Have you ever been irrational about someone who wasn’t available, or wasn’t good for you?

Have you ever devoted way too much time trying to teach someone to treat you right?

Have you ever felt anxious for the affection of someone who sometimes treated you wonderfully, and other times badly?

The great secret to finding love

We need to change these attractions for our own mental and physical health; the great secret to finding love lies in choosing only attractions of inspiration. It is so insightfully simple yet some of us take decades to get to this point if at all.

There is a warmth and easiness in these relationships, but the trick is accepting our partner’s care and not trying to win it. In a relationship, a partner should challenge us to be better, but ultimately they love us for who we are. These attractions are fuelled by a real sense of well-being, and the attractions often unfold slowly and get wealthier as time goes on. These relationships take work but make us feel love, not desperation, they are the type of love to build your life around and are the ones that deserve our greatest gifts and most intimate self.

Without attractions of inspiration, all love will weaken and revert to a smaller defensive and wounded version of us. We resemble that of elastic bands; we shrink to a small and comfortable size unless we are held to superior development by powers outside ourselves. Such as a relationship of inspiration this is where we can magnify to a size we never thought was possible, but with everything, there are rules to adhere too.

Questions you need to ask yourself:

Are you motivated by your partner’s (mostly) consistent care and approval?

Are you motivated by your partner’s goodness and graciousness?

Is your love powered by admiration for the kind of person your partner is?

Are you and your partner willing to do the hard work of soothing the relationship’s areas of limitation?

This is the kind of love that can sustain a future, treasure it, and celebrate it. This is your attraction of inspiration.

The most important part to all of this is that most of us are actually hardwired to desire people who can inspire us, value us and are available. We can be deeply attracted to inspiring relationships, not just negative ones. Or at least on some level we can choose the healthier love, but as with everything beautiful and inspiring they can come with their own unique challenges.

Morgan x

Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Although relatively young Morgan has lived a life filled with experiences that have made her grow as a person. She has completed and is a product and interior designer who is a strong believer in equality between sexes and speaks out against violence. Working in the adult industry has allowed her to grow as a person and come out of her emotional and sexual shell.

Share this: Reddit

Twitter

Print

Pinterest

Facebook

Tumblr

LinkedIn



Like this: Like Loading...