[Trixie:]

From the brain that brought you the Big MacIntosh Caper

The head that made headlines in every newspaper

And wondrous things like the Celestia Bridge Job

That cunning display that made Canterlot a sob

Now comes the real tour de force

Tricky and wicked, of course

Trixie's earlier crimes were fine for their times

But now that she's at it again

An even grimmer plot has been simmering

In my great criminal brain



[Chorus:]

Even meaner? You mean it?

Worse than the widows and orphans you drowned?

You're the best of the worst around

Oh, Lulamoon

Oh, Lulamoon

The rest fall behind

To Lulamoon

To Lulamoon

Equestria's greatest criminal mind



[Trixie:]

Thank you, Thank you. But it hasn't all been

champagne and caviar. I've had my share of

adversity, thanks to that miserable second-rate

detective, Princess Twilight Sparkle. For years, that

insufferable pipsqueak has interfered with my

plans.

I haven't had a moment's peace of mind. But, all

that's in the past! This time, nothing, not even

Twilight, can stand in my way! All will bow before

Trixie!



[Chorus:]

Oh, Lulamoon

Oh, Lulamoon

You're tops and of course!

To Lulamoon

To Lulamoon

[Rover:]

To Lulamoon, Equestria's greatest horse!



[Trixie:]

What was that? What did you call me?



[Thug 1:]

Oh, oh, he didn't mean it, Trixie.



[Thug 2:]

I-it was just a slip of the tongue.



[Trixie:]

I am NOT A HORSE!



[Thug 3:]

'Course you're not. You're a unicorn!



[Thug 4:]

Yeah, that's right. Right! A unicorn.



[Thug 5:]

Yeah, a unicorn!



[Trixie:]

SILENCE! Oh, my dear Rover, I'm afraid that

you've gone and upset me. You know what happens

when somepony upsets me.



[Rover:]

Oh, Lulamoon

Oh, Lulamoon

You're the tops and of course!



(Oh dear.)



To Lulamoon

To Lulamoon

To Lulamoon, Equestria's greatest -



[Ursa Major:]

ROAR.



[Trixie:] Oh, Ursa, my precious, my baby. Did Mommy's

little honey bun enjoy her tasty __?



[Ursa:]

Urp.



[Trixie:]

I trust there will be no further interruptions?

And now, as you were singing?



[Chorus:]

Even louder

We'll shout it!

No one can doubt what we know you can do

You're more evil than even you

Oh, Lulamoon

Oh, Lulamoon

You're one of a kind

To Lulamoon

To Lulamoon

Equestria's greatest criminal mind