SOUTH WILLIAMSPORT, PA—Expressing sorrow at the mere thought of what she has to endure, Americans across the nation confirmed Thursday that they feel absolutely terrible for the wife of a Little League World Series coach. “God, that poor woman—her entire life revolves around 12-year-olds playing baseball,” said 29-year-old Sacramento, CA resident Pat Walsh, adding that the middle-aged woman must know full well that she is being shown on national television wearing the hat and replica jersey of a Little League baseball team while she sits in the stands. “She has to put up with her husband talking about Little League all day, not to mention the fact that he’ll probably continue coaching even after their son is no longer on the team, so she’ll have to deal with this for years. Jesus.” The American public later admitted to feeling even worse for the coach’s daughter, who is clearly forced to attend the Little League World Series against her will.

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