Five reasons your visitors don’t return to your web product * Friday, May 31st, 2013 at 10:05 pm

They decided they actually really hate you and everything you stand for

They’ve been abducted by aliens and are busy being probed

They watched too much Fox News and now receded to the cold war bunker eating tinned apricots until it is safe to come out again

They never existed, you are actually in a secret government facility strapped to a chair and they keep injecting you with neurochemicals telling you that you are a web designer

They are but they are wearing false noses, teeth and hairpieces to disguise themselves and really mess with you

* Hey, I never claimed they are good reasons. I just wanted to do one of those incredibly successful blog posts with a catchy title that get tweeted around a lot.