ANAHEIM, CA - MAY 30: Patrick Sharp #10 of the Chicago Blackhawks shakes hands with Ryan Getzlaf #15 of the Anaheim Ducks after the Blackhawks 5-3 victory in Game Seven of the Western Conference Finals during the 2015 NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs at the Honda Center on May 30, 2015 in Anaheim, California. (Photo by Harry How/Getty Images)

(Ed. Note: As the Stanley Cup Playoffs continue, we're bound to lose some friends along the journey. We've asked for these losers, gone but not forgotten, to be eulogized by the people who knew the teams best: The bloggers and fans who hated them the most. Here is ‘stace_ofbase’, queen of garbage wallowing at Battle of California, fondly recalling the 2014-15 Anaheim Ducks. Again, this was not written by us. Also: This is a roast and you will be offended by it, so don't take it so seriously.)

By Stace_ofbase

Throughout the history of humankind there has been quite the emphasis on the number three (Triple Deity, the Rule of Three, Three Men and a Baby, etc.), and I never understood its significance until now.

Until May 30, 2015. The day that the Anaheim Ducks were laid to rest. Again.

The 2012-2013 Western Conference Quarterfinal. Anaheim is up 3 games to 2 against Detroit. Anaheim loses Game 6 on the road. Anaheim is eliminated at home Game 7.

The 2013-2014 Western Conference Semifinal. Anaheim is up 3 games to 2 against Los Angeles. Anaheim loses Game 6 on the road. Anaheim is eliminated at home Game 7.

The 2014-2015 Western Conference Final. Anaheim is up 3 games to 2 against Chicago. Anaheim loses Game 6 on the road. Anaheim is eliminated at home Game 7.

Omne Trium Perfectum. Everything that comes in threes is perfect.

I'm here to effectively bury, no wait, piss on the ashes of the 2014-2015 Anaheim Ducks.

Before I start owning the Ducks online, I would like to spend a moment admiring them for their accomplishments this season. Nobody makes it all the way to the Conference Final without overcoming seemingly impossible feats along the way. I gotta give credit when credit is due; the Pacific Division banner is the third-most sought after banner in the National Hockey League (first is Western Conference Regular Season Champions and second is President's Trophy).

Only the most impressive teams in the NHL can capture the Pacific Division Banner multiple years in a row.

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Anyway, the Anaheim Ducks had to overcome many obstacles this season. Many of these obstacles I speak of were set in place by the NHL's 2013-2014 General Manager of the Year, Bob Murray, who has my vote for 2014-2015 GM of the Year for acquiring Clayton Stoner as the solution to their defensive woes. I can't rip on Bob Murray too much for the acquisition, as he was trying out a new way to draw in sales from Anaheim fans, who spend most of their time frequenting Spencer's Gifts at the local mall.

The plan never paid off, but thankfully the Ducks were able to play three real hockey markets in the postseason to avoid the inevitable bankruptcy for another year and those opposing fan bases were finally able to afford to see a playoff hockey game whilst making a trip to beautiful California -- win-win!

Anaheim, whose weaknesses have been defense and goaltending the past few seasons, decided to go big over the summer and land a big name forward to solve their defe-HEY WAIT A MINUTE whatever I can't explain it.

Anyway, the Ducks had their eye set on someone who has looked for demanded a change of scenery. A place to bring life back to their dying, unfulfilled, Cupless career.

A place to start over and exercise the demons of their horrid past.

Story continues