What a time to be alive. Some dopey morons decided it was a great idea to break in to Hurstbridge station sometime around 2am last night to steal a train and go for a joyride. After taking it about 500 meters down the track, said morons derailed the train because surprisingly a $15 million dollar machine requires some training to operate. Who’da thunk it. This has resulted in over $3 million in damages, the worst case of vandalism on the network to date.

People in Melbourne were totally hysterical about the ol’ mishap, praising the loveable larrikins as they waited in painstakingly long delays to get to work today. Something which an ‘expert’ social commentator/former Big Brother contestant will likely tell us on tonight’s news will cost the economy a whole heap more. Funnier yet, it could take a further fortnight in delays to clean up the mess. LOL!!!

But here’s the fun part. These douchebags got away, not only without getting caught but with the ‘skeleton key’ that opens up all trains on the network. Thus giving them, their mates and whoever they decide to sell it to, full access to continue stealing trains whenever they choose. It’s a big win for people who give zero shits about public safety and just like to watch the world around them burn. Thanks Metro.

Here’s the report via Channel Seven News.

Vandals cause around $3 million worth of damage after breaking into a train and crashing it. @MScanlan7 updates. https://t.co/pltALRSFPh — 7 News Melbourne (@7NewsMelbourne) November 11, 2015

It’s at moments like this, you need a lullaby to see you through: