St. Louis, MO—

Make-A-Wish has been granting critically ill children’s wishes for four decades, but a recent trend among recipients has focused on a desire to see the release of President Donald Trump’s tax returns.

“I know exactly what wish I’m making!” explained Timmy Andrews, 10, “I want to see how poor Donald Trump really is. There’s no way that guy is worth a billion dollars. He tries way too hard to appear to be rich to actually really be rich. Even I understand that, and I’m 10! Trump is the poor person’s idea of a rich person. He puts his name on everything. He shows less name-labeling restraint than kindergarteners!”

Some kids wanted to see once and for all if there truly was any Russian collusion visible in his tax files.

“Look, I don’t have months and months to wait for Democrats to claw his tax returns out of his mob boss hands through the court system against Trump’s army of lawyers,” said Braxton Joulepps, 12. “I want to see the Russian loans and money-laundering real estate deals. How does anything he does make sense except with the explanation that he colluded? I’m 100% sure there are some Saudi scams going on, too. The worst part is that the whole time he’s betraying our country, Trump looks like a dumb clown. How did any adults vote for him? Because he had a fake TV show and pretended to fire people? And called Mexicans ‘animals?’ Wow, it never ceases to amaze me how simply and effectively racism can be used as a political tool to dupe old people into voting for Republicans. I thought you had to be intelligent to run for president, let alone win the election, but I guess not. I’d love to someday see Trump try to do my homework. Trump’s not qualified to teach my 6th grade geography class!”

Other kids commented on Trump’s fake religious beliefs.

“I wished for Trump’s tax returns so the world can see he’s a fraud!” said Abigail Pheizenger, 13. “The sooner he’s replaced, the better. He’s a fraud about everything, but especially being a Christian. I’m in Bible study classes right now, and he is the complete opposite of everything the New Testament says! From not helping the poor and sick, to sexually assaulting women, to obsessing over money, to unashamed self-absorption, to lying all the time about everything… my Bible study teacher loves Trump. Can you imagine that? He reads the New Testament all day, and still somehow supports the worst person in the world. He says Christians need a fighter… uhhh no! Christianity is all about turning the other cheek, fighting with kindness, selfless charity, and martyrs! The earliest Christians literally died rather than go against their Biblical morals and values. How do we convince anyone of the qualities of our faith if we apply an ends-justify-the-means approach to life and politics? Shouldn’t we have faith in God to supply us with a just leader who isn’t a creep about his own daughter, and cheats on all his wives? Isn’t supporting a total asshole to give us a few conservative federal judges here and there literally like selling our souls? Doesn’t that sound exactly like a deal from Satan? It’s going to blow up in Christians’ faces when his tax returns finally get out and everyone can realize he was a total Russian hooker for Putin!”

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