Why you would want to spend your precious weekend watching a living representative of inherited privilege tie the knot completely escapes me. If the idea of bunting and taffeta and incongruous hats gives you the heebie-jeebies (not to mention speculation about where and when two people none of us have met will share their first public post-wedding pash), here are some alternative ways to spend your Saturday.

Victoria



Have a few new pints

This is the final weekend of Good Beer Week, an industry showcase for brewers and a celebration of the joy that comes from making your way to the bottom of a pint glass. Whether you’re into fruity pale ale or dark and stormy stout, scraping together loose change or willing to splurge, there are stacks of events in Melbourne and around regional Victoria on Saturday. Pair your pint with a meal, a gig, karaoke, bingo, a barbie. You could even raise a glass to the royal couple ... if you insist.

See some experimental art

Next Wave Festival, the Melbourne-based homage to experimental and boundary-pushing art, is also coming to a close this Sunday, so this weekend is your last opportunity to catch a bunch of shows. Experience the moody electronics of Marcus Whale and the hard beats of Jikuroux against Athena Thebus’ exhibition, Deep Water Dream Girl, at Testing Grounds. Talk to a chatbot about your climate fears at Bureau of Meteoranxiety. Or head along to one of several installations and gallery spaces across the city.

New South Wales

Laugh your way through the weekend

If you haven’t yet caught up with your favourite comics yet this year, now’s your chance. Hang out with Get Krack!n’s fashion expert and sarong-hoarder, Helen Bidou, or wunderkid Demi Lardner, or sing along to a musical about Pauline Hanson. While we can’t promise that Harry and Meghan won’t find their way into some sets, at least you’ll be able to say you got a giggle out of it.

Dive into a giant ball pit for grown-ups

You read that right. One of the most popular events at least year’s Sydney festival was the giant ball pit beach designed by US collaborative design practice Snarkitecture. Whatever you think “collaborative design practice” means, the important thing is that the ball pit is back, this time at Bondi Junction, and it’s running late into the night on Saturday with a cocktail bar on-site. If you’re keen, book ahead.

See some award-winning photography

Head On is an internationally recognised photo festival that has been running since 2010. Its headquarters are set up at Paddington Town Hall, with exhibitions, artist talks, screenings and more taking place until 20 May. But that’s not the only place to find the stunning photography that’s part of the show: there are exhibitions across Sydney, including at Parliament House, the State Library of NSW, the Botanic Gardens and more.

Head On photo festival: Duterte's drug war, love dolls and Guantánamo – in pictures Read more

Take in some brand new Australian theatre

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Megan Wilding in Nakkiah Lui’s play Blackie Blackie Brown, a co-production between Sydney Theatre Company and Malthouse. Photograph: STC

Playwright Nakkiah Lui’s women defy conventional stereotypes about black women, says Nayuka Gorrie. “Lui’s women have agency. Lui’s women have sex. Lui’s women are political,” she writes for Guardian Australia. “Every time Nakkiah Lui produces something new, she stretches the limits of what is possible for the rest of us.” You can catch Lui’s newest work, Blackie Blackie Brown: The Traditional Owner of Death at Sydney Theatre Company’s Wharf Theatres this week (and every week until 30 June).

Over in Surry Hills at Belvoir is The Sugar House, written by Alana Valentine and directed by Sarah Goodes, starring Kris McQuade, Sacha Horler, Sheridan Harbridge and more familiar faces from the Australian stage. Belvoir calls it “a story of how Australia went from working class to middle class”, so if you’re intent on avoiding the ostentatious fripperies of the ruling class, this could be just the ticket.

Queensland

Queer your Saturday

Surround yourself with people who defy tradition: all through May, Brisbane Powerhouse is hosting a series of queer-focused performances, panels, exhibitions and gatherings focused on celebrating and interrogating the many manifestations of LGBT+ culture. This Saturday’s offerings include a panel on growing up queer featuring Benjamin Law, a cabaret show based on the music of Mariah Carey, and a queer trivia night.

Eat honey puffs, be happy

If you’re more interested in feeding the body rather than the mind, head along to Panyiri. Musgrave Park in South Brisbane plays host to the annual Greek festival, which includes more than 30 food stalls, cooking demos and more. There’s entertainment too, stretching over the whole weekend: everything from traditional dancing to plate-smashing to olive and honey-puff eating competitions. Mmm, honey puffs.

Gawk at marzipan masterpieces

Facebook Twitter Pinterest A dog cake on display at the International Cake Show in Brisbane. Photograph: Miriam Deprez/AAP

For the really serious MasterChef wannabes – and pretty much anyone with a sweet tooth – the Australian Cake Artists and Decorators Association’s annual International Cake Show is taking over the Brisbane Showgrounds. Less about edibles than art, the event includes free demonstrations, hands-on workshops – including for children – and a huge array of stalls aimed at everyone from the enthusiastic novice to experienced pro. Fair warning though: there’s an “haute couture” wedding zone, so if you’re seriously determined to avoid anything related to nuptials, royal or otherwise, steer clear.

Western Australia



Get on to the new gender agenda

When Taylor Mac’s play was staged at Belvoir last year, Guardian reviewer Kate Hennessy wrote: “Hir – pronounced “here”, the preferred gender pronoun of the play’s protagonist Max – reminds us of theatre’s potential: to be a brilliant conduit that makes ideas alive and accessible. Hir doesn’t merely explore themes of gender fluidity, queer theory and the subversion of toxic masculinity, because that would be dull. It lightens the weight of concepts that many find foreign or fraught, places them in a family setting and detonates them. Shrapnel flies everywhere.” Black Swan’s production is directed by Zoe Pepper, and features Will O’Mahony, Jack Palit, Igor Sas, and Toni Scanlan.



Northern Territory

Dance in the dry season

Bass in the Grass is to Darwin as the Big Day Out was to Sydney and Melbourne. Celebrate the clouds clearing with the sounds of indie duo Client Liaison, hip-hop powerhouse Illy, electropop singer-songwriter Vera Blue, Australian rock mainstay Paul Kelly and more. Bass in the Grass takes over the George Brown Botanic Gardens from 11am till late.



Tasmania

Catch a world-class local film

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Isabel Lucas in a still from the Australian feature film That’s Not Me, directed by Gregory Erdstein and written by Gregory Erdstein and Alice Foulcher. Photograph: Gregory Erdstein

“BOFA” stands for “Breath of Fresh Air” and the so-named film festival is on this weekend in Launceston. Saturday includes screenings of That’s Not Me (which Guardian Australia reviewer Luke Buckmaster gave four stars), the highly acclaimed documentaries Mountain (also got four stars) and The Namatjira Project, and a 30-year encore of 1988’s The Tale of Ruby Rose.

South Australia

Take a wine-inspired wander

South Australia is known for its wine regions, and this instalment of the Urban Wine Walk will take you meandering through bars and pubs in Adelaide’s west to sample a huge range of local wine. It’s self-guided so you can take your time or power through at will. You can also match your wine to food options at each locale. Find a new favourite hangout, a new favourite tipple, or just use it as an excuse to spend an afternoon with your mates.

On the box

If you were one of the millions of people who watched – and were stunned by – the film clip for Childish Gambino aka Donald Glover’s This is America, you can stream both seasons of Glover’s TV series, Atlanta, right now on SBS On Demand. It’s not hard to be fascinated by the man who makes music, writes, performs as a comic, acts in and directs television, DJs, and has so many etceteras to his talents it’s hardly worth listing them. Guardian called the black comedy “the best show on TV”, so if you’re up for a night in, put Atlanta at the top of your binge list.

• What are you doing this weekend if you’re not watching the royal wedding? Let us know in the comments