“The best curses … do not employ profanity.”

This is just one of the cardinal rules of a strange community on Reddit called Traditional Curses—comprised of about 10,000 people dedicated to writing absurdly specific hexes you can use to wish horrible misfortune mild inconvenience on your worst enemy mild to moderate enemies.

Their not-so-traditional curses include dramatic damnations like “May you never be able to find the eyelash that is scratching your eyeball” and “May you see your typo only after yuo hit send.”

The relatively benign jinxes carefully balance the irritating and the innocuous—and are more likely to provoke a giggle than a quiver of fear.

So the next time you’re angry at someone and you instinctively prepare to drop an f-bomb, or an s-bomb, or a b-bomb, or any of the other overused letter-bombs, try out one of these traditional curses instead (illustrated with—what else?—an omnipresent demon pig).

At the very least, you probably won’t get into trouble for saying them.

Let the Chips Fall

—Reddit user Maxicorne

A Spot of Bother

—Reddit user flarn2006

A Slight for Sore Eyes

—Reddit user McZanderson

Throw Them for a Loop

—Reddit user IAMA_TYRANNOSAURUS

Scratch That

—Reddit user deshe

A Blessing and a Curse

—Reddit user TinuvielsHairCloak

For even more not-so-traditional hexes, check out the Traditional Curses community. Or if you’d rather not, well, may your socks always find a wet patch on the floor…