Anyone who has never watched the Thick of It special Spinners and Losers - in which Labour figures run around frantically trying to mount failed coup after failed coup in the space of one evening - no longer needs to bother.

The party is acting it out in real life.

This so-called coup has, from the start, followed a script no producer of a serious political drama would ever commission for sheer lack of believability. If the Tory party has been watching and learning from Francis Underwood, Labour have been watching a little too much Malcolm Tucker.

And not learning from him.

Politicians are supposed to be able to plan into the future – that is, in part, what we pay them to do on our behalf.

And yet much of Labour this week have been incapable of looking more than an hour in advance to the next cabinet resignation. There was no strategy. Or if there is one, it's so bad that it hasn't made itself apparent.

Most MPs (and there are exceptions) do not seem to have grasped the basic facts of Jeremy Corbyn's personality and principles, or those of the people around him: they have waited decades for their wing of the party to win the battle it lost in the 1980s and they are not – if they can possibly help it – going to let it slip from their grasp now.

The plotters did not have a candidate in mind, it appears. There was instantly talk of Lisa Nandy, who instantly ruled herself out.

Then there was talk of Angela Eagle.

Any MP who actually owns a diary should have been capable of looking in it less than a week in advance to next Wednesday, when the Chilcot report comes out, and realising that - having voted for the war in Iraq - she could take an absolute hammering.

Owen Smith? Maybe. Why not chuck Claire Ballentine in there as well.

Corbyn has nothing to lose in carrying on. The party, of course, has an election to lose - but he really, really, really believes he can win one. He's not bluffing. He really believes it.

Only the unions or a scandal can force his hand. So far the unions appear to be staying put. And if there was a scandal that could have killed Corbyn, you'd think it would have been unearthed by now.

Some rebels are pinning their hopes on him going home this weekend, mulling it over and throwing the towel in.

That may yet happen. When I asked one MP today why on earth Corbyn would go now when he has resisted the combined pressure of 80pc of MPs, all MEPs, many Labour town hall leaders and councillors, he said 'because we need a functioning opposition, not a protest party'.

Indeed. But that's an answer to a different question. If he didn't heed that argument last Sunday, it's hard to see Corbyn heeding it now.

Perhaps he will. Yet if that was the way his mind worked, then he probably wouldn't have been on the backbenches for 30 odd years fighting the same battle and losing the same battle over and over again – until, miraculously, nine months ago, he suddenly won it.

Could he still stand down? Of course he could. But doubtless those around him, unlike the plotters, have been planning ahead to Wednesday when he can potentially demand Tony Blair's head on a plate.

Is his support among members diminishing? It may be.

But what's he got to lose in standing, or trying to stand? Nothing.

Conversely, what have Owen Smith and Angela Eagle got to lose? A lot more than Corbyn, that's for sure.

As one despairing council boss said to me today, this isn't the coup. The coup was nine months ago.

To quote the Thick of It, perhaps the only other candidate left actually is Malcom Tucker's left b****k with a smiley face drawn on it.