Ahhh I feel like every note is me apologizing but I'm so sorry this is like a week late and I have no idea when the next update will be. My life is a real mess right now kinda in a good way, but mostly in a stress way. Lots of freelance work so that's awesome but my day job is becoming very overbearing and its hard to balance the both. These last few chapters have been hard to write too with their themes and just...general not happiness surrounding them haha. Don't worry, I'll get better at it, but it just kinda sucking the life out of me sometimes. Thank you again for sticking through - like this almost has 400 kudos and so many nice and life-giving comments? I don't feel worthy, especially when chapters like these kinda suck hard (I sound like Grillby a lot and will be the first to admit that his anxious tendencies and self deprecation is very much based off of myself...so sorry haha. I know I'm better than this but I know I can also DO better than this so its hard). Thank you, and I hope you enjoy!

Chapter Text

“stop looking at me like that.”

Grillby nearly jumped off of the bed. “What?”

“like i’m about to fall apart. like the way you’re looking at me right now,” Sans said slowly, annoyance clear. “i told you, i’m fine.”

Much easier said than done. Everytime he so much as glanced at the boy he could see him lying prone in his bed, eyes empty, struggling to even breathe. It had been days since then and Sans had recovered more than excellently, cracks healing and stamina replenishing, but those images were not simply forgotten.

After further tests, Dr. Cottontail had determined nothing else wrong with him, prescribing a week’s worth of rest and plenty of magic-enriched food. It took some gentle prodding, but Sans revealed that he used to take some sort of supplementary medication for his magic when he was younger and that he knew usually not to overdo it, but he hadn’t been thinking straight. The doctor seemed curious about the mention of medicine but later told Grillby it was most likely a vitamin used to raise low magic levels. They were common in children who weren’t developing at a normal rate, but extended use could cause their magic to overload a lot quicker.

As long as Sans kept his magic to a safe amount he would be fine, and he was strictly forbidden to use it during his bedrest period. Sans obviously didn’t mind much being stuck in bed for a week; in fact, if it was under different circumstances he would probably be living it up, find some way to get his doctor-approved laziness period extended. Instead he was spending his time researching mostly. Grillby had been sent to the Librarby countless times to retrieve all sorts of obscure books on all types of advanced subjects. It honestly was the most interaction Sans allowed them to have, outside of bringing food to his room.

Until today, that was.

“so what did they say?” Sans asked, refocusing them on the goal at hand.

Today out of the blue when Grillby had brought up lunch, Sans had informed him that they were going to discuss Grillby’s research into Dr. Gaster. It had taken him off guard, with how little Sans had wanted to do with him up till now. It was entirely pragmatic so far, but Grillby was honestly relieved that they could still be in the same room together for more than five minutes. It was a start, at least.

Grillby had begun with his conclusions about the absence of a royal scientist and his foray into Wing Dings and fonts, which didn’t seem to impress Sans much. In fact, he appeared all but frustrated until Grillby got to the encounters in Waterfall. He heeded more attention, writing down key details and asking a multitude of follow up questions. He looked downright excited as he got more information, and Grillby was more than willing to do anything he could to have Sans react that positively.

“They talked about a world where everything was the same but they didn’t exist, and then they asked who built the core,” Grillby explained.

Sans nodded, pen quickly recording the story.

“I asked if it was Dr. Gaster and they told me it was rude to talk about someone who was listening.”

“was someone there!?” Sans asked, eyes wide.

“...I don’t know...I didn’t look,” Grillby admitted. “I couldn’t really, it took enough effort just to stay there.”

Sans looked disappointed but nodded all the same, telling him to continue.

“I told them you remembered Gaster and when I tried to ask them about him they told me to forget about them and...and then they disappeared.”

“like they dissolved?” Sans asked.

“Like...they were just gone and it felt like they had never been there at all,” Grillby clarified, shivering a bit at the memory.

Sans looked over everything he had written, then let his gaze drift over to Grillby’s lap. “you done with that?”

Oh, right. Grillby had almost forgot about his second task: he was supposed to draw the monster child and the door he had seen in Waterfall. He had sketched out something earlier and while there was definitely room for improvement this was probably going to be the best they were going to get. How was one able to accurately depict those hollow eyes, the otherworldly expression? They were things that were nearly impossible to describe.

Grillby passed the drawing over, which Sans looked over with a scrutinizing eye, then placed it a page behind the one he was currently writing on. It was obvious he didn’t think the art was very well done, but he was really one to talk. One of Sans’ drawings was on the desk by the bed - three figures, barely identifiable as skeletons, with the words ‘Don’t Forget’ written below. It was obviously a depiction of Sans’ ‘true’ family.

Stars, it still hurt so much.

Sans analyzed everything he had written down, face scrunched up in concentration. After a few minutes he straightened and gasped. “the many worlds interpretation! of course!”

Grillby stared at the boy dumbly, having no idea what he was blabbing about.

“it’s a theory that there are alternate realities just like our own but a little different. dad dabbled in some research into it, something about timelines” Sans explained. “maybe...during the accident he was sent into a different timeline...or pushed out or something. and that’s why no one remembers him! it’s our reality trying to like...repair his absence...or something.”

Sans was getting excited again, grabbing a piece of paper and scrawling down more books to get. Grillby didn’t want to stop this fervor, but he had some doubts - namely revolving around why Sans was the only one who seemed to remember. And even if Dr. Gaster was in another reality, how would they get him back? Half of what Sans was saying was going over his head, so maybe these were all silly concerns that Sans already had the answers to. Grillby didn’t have the science smarts to help him in that way, but he could keep providing him what he needed and being moral support.

“i’ll need to read up on the different schools of thought...and maybe we should go back to waterfall. see if we can find anymore evidence there,” Sans said.

“Or we could just go to Hotland and investigate his lab,” Grillby offered.

Sans froze, then turned to Grillby with wide eyes. “you’d... you’d take me to hotland?”

It was almost like he thought he wouldn’t be allowed to go there - and considering they had gone out of their way to avoid it until now, he couldn’t really blame him.

Grillby nodded. “Not until Gyftmas break, though.”

Sans would probably spend days there, and that was really the only time their schedules would allow it.

“...or i could just drop out of school…” Sans mumbled.

Grillby was about to gently let him know what a horrible idea that was when there was a knock on the bedroom door. Before they could even give permission it flung open, revealing Papyrus.

“oh, hey bro. how was school?” Sans asked, grin widening. It always tended to do that when his brother was around.

“GOOD. EVERYONE IS STILL WORRIED ABOUT YOU,” Papyrus informed. “THEY WOULD HAVE GIVEN ME YOUR HOMEWORK BUT APPARENTLY YOU’VE DONE EVERYTHING THEY’VE ASSIGNED ALREADY.” He paused, eyeing the two of them on the bed curiously. “DID YOU TWO HAVE FUN TODAY?”

It was a simple question, but Grillby knew it meant so much more to Papyrus right now. The fight and Sans’ collapse had really done a number on the boy emotionally. It took a whole day for them to coax a word out of him, going through all of his daily routine mechanically and occasionally needing some time under his blanket. Grillby was so concerned about it that he almost called Dr. Blathers, when finally Papyrus quietly asked if he could sleep in Grillby’s bed again. He’d spent every night in there since, and had improved a lot, but his anxiety was still very clear. He would flinch and go nonverbal if he heard anything resembling a disagreement and he seemed especially clingy of both Sans and Grillby.

This innocent question wasn’t just asking if they had fun. It was asking if they had gotten along, if perhaps the two of them were acting like a family again instead of...whatever they were now. Grillby could see the hope shining in his eyes. He wanted it so desperately, wanted them all to be like it was before.

They were going to be nothing but a disappointment to him.

“oh, yeah. loads of fun,” Sans replied with a shrug.

Papyrus didn’t seem too convinced, squinting his sockets.

“a skele-ton,” Sans added cheekily.

“UGH! SANS!” Papyrus berated with a groan.

Another knock to the door redirected all their attention. Fuku was standing in the doorway, one hand on her hip.

“Pap, I thought you said you were going to help me, buddy,” she reminded, faking exasperation.

Fuku had honestly been the best godsend Grillby could ask for in all this. She had shown up unannounced, as per usual, the day after Grillby finally had the fortitude to call her and explain the situation. Now she stayed at the house while Grillby ran the bar. As much as he wanted to stay home every waking moment to make sure everyone was okay, going to work let him think about something else for awhile. When they were all together she brightened the mood, able to distract them all with games and silly stories, creating a sense of joy that the rest of them seemed to have forgotten.

“OH, RIGHT! DINNER!” Papyrus cried, eyes widening. “I’LL BE RIGHT BACK!”

He ran over quickly and hugged Sans and Grillby separately, then rushed out the door. It was another new quirk of his, making sure to squeeze them tightly whenever he was about to leave their sight, almost like he was afraid something was going to happen when he left.

Fuku shook her head, smiling with her eyes. “Food should be done in a few. I’m sure you’ll know when it's ready.”

She left the two of them alone to silence. Grillby wondered if he should try and continue where they left off. Sans seemed to be responding well, actually showing interest, willingness to work with Grillby. Even just being around him. After days of his presence barely being tolerated, this was a very welcome change.

“i don’t understand.”

Grillby turned to Sans, not sure what he was talking about. The boy’s face was scrunched up, like he was deeply distressed about something. He looked up, his pained expression piercing Grillby’s soul.

“how can he still love you?”

It took so little to smash Grillby’s already busted heart to pieces. He took a shaky breath and turned away, not wanting Sans to see how much it was tearing him apart. Not only had he blatantly made it clear that Grillby wasn’t deserving of either brother’s love, he cared so little for him that he was willing to say it to his face.

The boy was right though. Absolutely right.

Papyrus was a bright kid - he had to know that Grillby had been the one that took the notebook, and if he hadn’t figured it out himself Sans surely told him. He knew, yet Papyrus didn’t treat him with disdain. In fact, he was almost more affectionate, more dependant than before. No matter what, Papyrus only saw the good in him. Grillby was pretty sure the boy extended that courtesy to everyone he met.

No one deserved Papyrus.

The two of them just sat there for who know how long - could have been a few minutes, could have been an hour. Sans had nothing further to say and Grillby was neither willing nor able to defend himself. It was a stalemate Grillby was all too familiar with at this point, and he felt stupid for even entertaining the thought that their relationship could start to mend this quickly. He had done far too much damage for that.

“DINNER TIME!”

Grillby got to his feet, ready to go get some food ready to bring back up to Sans. One look at the boy’s expression, though, and he knew that wasn’t going to happen.

“i’m going downstairs.”

It wasn’t a request. It was a fact. This was going to happen, whether Grillby was okay with it or not. While he would prefer Sans stay in bed he was most likely well enough for a little physical activity. And pushing back over something like this would only turn ugly fast.

He barely had time to come to this conclusions before Sans was already pushing himself off the bed. Putting weight on his legs so quickly probably wasn’t the best idea. His knees buckled almost immediately as he touched the floor. Grillby couldn’t stop himself. He could see the boy losing his balance, and then he would fall, and they he would crack his skull again, and then he would start to dust, and -

Grillby reached out to steady the child, to keep him from getting hurt. He could barely register the skeletal limb that shot up and smacked him away.

“i c a n d o i t m y s e l f .”

Grillby flinched back as Sans got his bearings, using the edge of the bed for support. The hit itself hadn’t really hurt, wasn’t even close to knicking off any HP, but something about it lingered, reverberating through Grillby’s arm in painful bursts. It dawned on him that this was the first time Sans had touched him since he woke up.

To push him away.

The boy’s eyes went wide and he realized what he had just done. He almost looked guilty or...scared? Was Sans scared of him? As quickly as the expression came it left, replaced with a strained grin and a furrowed brow.

Grillby kept his distance as Sans shakily made his way out of the room and down the stairs, keeping a firm hand on the walls or the railing the whole time through. The elemental was on edge through the entire process, ready to step in if needed, but anytime he felt the need to start to grab the boy...the smacking senesation returned to his hand. Sans didn’t want his help. He shouldn’t try to force it.

Papyrus was setting the table, turning around when he heard steps down the stairs. Immediately he broke out into a big smile. “SANS! YOU’RE WALKING!”

“as best i can,” Sans chuckled, smiling as if nothing had happened between Papyrus leaving the room and them coming downstairs. He hobbled over to his seat, almost throwing himself onto it. Grillby could see that he was already considerably out of breath, sweat starting to run down his skull. Just walking down the stars had winded him that much. If he was feeling any other physical ailments, though, he didn’t show it.

“so what’s on the menu?” He asked, casually leaning his chin on his palm like it wasn’t the only thing keeping him up right now.

“SPAGHETTI!” Papyrus announced, walking back over to prepare plates.

“Papyrus...insisted on being the chef tonight,” Fuku explained hesitantly, cringing slightly.

Huh. That was a weird reaction.

“YEAH! JUST LIKE DAD!” Papyrus explained.

Any pride Grillby felt disappeared when he caught Sans tensing at his brother’s words. It was nearly imperceptible, his features unconsciously stiffening as he tried to cover it up, but Grillby knew. Subtle body language never got past him.

A steaming plate was set in front of him, snapping him to attention. A strong smell wafted over and suddenly all of Fuku’s hesitation earlier made perfect sense. What was before him would not normally be described as ‘spaghetti’. The noodles had been reduced to an overcooked mush, the sauce was brown and crusty. Grillby swore he could see a whole onion wading in the thick of it.

Papyrus had helped him cook plenty of times in the past, mostly relegated to prep work and always under Grillby’s careful guidance. This looked vastly different than anything they had collaborated on before. He wondered if Papyrus had also insisted on doing it all by himself this time.

There was an awkward silence broken only by forks clanging against plates as everyone clumsily tried to get a portion to sample. Papyrus bounced up and down in his seat, eager for feedback. He was noticeably without a plate, but that didn’t surprise Grillby. The boy’s appetite had all but disappeared the last few days. They always managed to get him to eat something before going to bed at least. He was a little too wired now to settle down and eat anyways.

Grillby brought the bite towards his mouth, bracing himself for whatever would come next.

The taste was...indescribable.

Papyrus looked around at everyone anxiously waiting as they chewed in relative silence, struggling to control their countenance.

Finally Sans swallowed. “wow, pap. i’ve never had anything like that before.”

“Very unique and...flavorful!” Fuku added.

Well, at least they were honest.

Papyrus turned to Grillby, not satisfied until hearing his opinion. Of course. Grillby was the ‘chef’ after all, with all the gravitas that came with slinging burgers almost every day.

“I’m proud of you, Papyrus,” He said.

It was true. It would never stop being true.

Papyrus beamed from ear to figurative ear, while everyone else came to terms with the fact that they were going to have to finish what was on their plates. It was a long and arduous task, but eventually every last bite was consumed. The leftovers were put in containers and most likely would be ‘eaten’ tomorrow while Papyrus was at school.

The rest of the evening was relaxing, spent mostly playing the mouse puzzle game and watching TV. Fuku was able to get Papyrus to eat half a bowl of oatmeal, mostly by making eating a prerequisite step to solving some of the puzzles she devised - quite clever, Grillby thought. All the while Sans lounged on the couch, punning it up and making even Fuku groan at their quality. It was weird, being together and acting civil, especially after the small confrontation upstairs, but it was for a good cause: obviously neither he nor Sans wanted to upset Papyrus in any way.

Finally it was time for bed, and Papyrus didn’t even put up a fight as they all walked upstairs. Honestly, that new quirk of his bothered Grillby the most. Out of the corner of his vision he saw Sans stalling at his doorway, looking over at Papyrus. Waiting for him to come back, like it was before. Instead, Papyrus headed into Grillby’s room without any hesitation, hardly even noticing his brother’s stare. The older brother stiffened, then shuffled into his room, letting the door close behind him. Fuku glanced Grillby’s way and then over to the door, telling him that she would check up on Sans. He nodded, following after Papyrus. The boy was already snuggled under the covers, Mighty Man in one hand and the Fluffy Bunny book in the other.

Everything went normally, Grillby reading through the book, Papyrus falling asleep towards the end. He watched the boy as he slumbered, looking so peaceful and unaffected by all the strife happening around him. This was how it should always be. Grillby was going to work his hardest to make sure that would happen; if that meant continuing to give Sans space, then that’s what he had to do.

A green glow indicated Fuku entering the room, and he turned. She looked paler than usual, eyes wavering. Grillby stood up, worried at her expression, only to have her gesture downstairs. They walked down in silence, the stress of what could possibly be wrong constricting around him. Was it something to do with Sans? Was he showing signs of magical exhaustion again, or perhaps had he done something to her to make her upset? Grillby knew Sans’ feelings toward him were now less than friendly, but he hadn’t seemed to treat Fuku any differently. She was an innocent party in the whole ordeal after all, relation to Grillby aside.

She sat down on the couch and he followed suite, unsure if he really wanted to hear what she had to say or not.

“...Sans…” She took a deep breath. “Sans told me you talked to him about...about Pops the other day…”

Oh.

With everything going on Grillby had forgotten about his confession, revealing his past. It had been a powerful moment but ultimately it had only led to more frustration from Sans. Since then Grillby had been so focused on the boy that he hadn’t even considered what he had changed about himself, like how the headaches were becoming less frequent, like how it was easier to think about younger days without his body feeling like it was going to shut down on him. Did it still hurt? Yes. Oh, stars, yes. In a way that he felt probably would never fully leave his life. But it was different. It wasn’t debilitating. It was a reminder more so than a dark pit.

His father wasn’t going to be forgotten, and his memory wasn’t going to cripple him either.

He nodded slowly, somewhat ashamed. He knew how important this was to Fuku. How she had been pushing for this for nearly a year now. If he had been more thoughtful he would have let her known sooner - heck, he could have even talked to her about it first instead of letting out his burdens on a child who had nearly died. But he had been stubborn. Stubborn and in so much pain and it took a small skeleton to realize that most of that pressure was self-inflicted.

Fuku just stared at him, unblinking, then immediately wrapped her arms around him, pushing her face into his shoulder. “T-That...that took you long enough, you dork...I was so scared…and...” She laughed weakly, tightening her hold on him. He could feel his shirt starting to grow damp with magical tears. “...stars, I-I miss him so much…”

The rest of the night was spent sharing stories, sobbing, and a sense of peace that neither of them had felt in a long time. The dust on the mantle seasoned the fireplace until there was none left - he didn’t need it in the jar anymore. They both knew exactly what was most important to his father, what he had spent so much time trying to build up.

Now they just needed to do what they could to be the people he knew they would be.