stadiums, fireworks, then/now/whatever

YES YES YES etc.

DBRY: here’s Shane and AJ, let’s sign a contract

SHANE: AJ you’re phenomenal but your ego’s big and I can do crazy stuff when I wrestle so imma beat you at Mania

SHANE signs

AJ: but this isn’t a gimmick match so nah, I’m better than you at actual wrestling so imma beat you at Mania

AJ signs

AJ: wanna fight cause contract signing

DBRY: nah, shake hands

SHANE: k

AJ: nah bye

here’s BECKY

BLISS, MICKIE: we’re on commentary so we’re gonna interfere later

a wild JOBBER appears

JOBBER: here’s Carmella

CARMELLA: hi let’s fight WAIT I HAVE BUBBLEGUM, here you go Jobber

JOBBER: mmm Juicyfruit

CARMELLA: k now let’s fight

MICKIE: hey Bliss you suck

BLISS: hey Mickie you suck

MICKIE and BLISS start brawling

DBRY: tag match playaplayaplaya

MICKIE: kicks and tag

BECKY: pin

BLISS: very much nah

BECKY: k, tag

MICKIE: more kicks?

CARMELLA, BLISS: nah let’s beat you up

suddenly NATTIE

NATTIE: my turn on commentary, gonna wait to interfere

MICKIE: offense and tag

BLISS: also tag

BECKY: STRAIGHT FIYAAAAAAAH

NATTIE: NOW imma interfere

BECKY: nah

JOBBER: imma interfere then

CARMELLA: aaaaaand pin

BECKY: k

CARMELLA wins, everyone brawls, suddenly NAOMI kills everyone

NAOMI: imma beat everyone again at Mania, wooooo blacklight dance

BREEZE/BRIE: hey DBry can I pull a Santina and be in the women’s match at Mania

DBRY: nah

BREEZE angrily takes off wig, yes that’s a sentence I just wrote

DBRY: WHOA BREEZE IT’S YOU, how bout you and Fandango have a tag match later

BREEZANGO: k

AWWWWW SAAAAAAAAM

TOM: the WWE Network tho

MIZ: here’s more fake Bellas footage

BEAR: oh dammit SDL why, you know I can’t abridge this

MIZ/CENA: dinnertiiiiime

MARYSE/NIKKI: k

MIZ/CENA: here’s DBry as a little person

MIZ/DBRY: i’m a vegan, yus yus yus etc.

MARYSE/NIKKI: proposal?

MIZ/CENA: nah but punposal

MARYSE/NIKKI: k then proposal

MIZ/CENA: nah because everything about me is fake and I suck in general

MIZ: hey Cena and Nikki, here’s the best promo of my entire career, we’re gonna beat you at Mania

CENA: BRRRRRight that was funny then you started giving a promo that was bull, Miz you copy everyone, Maryse why are you here, here’s the best promo of MY entire career, we’re gonna beat you at Mania reeeeeal easy, let’s fight

MIZ: nah, well actually-

MARYSE: let’s not

MIZ: k

CENA: dude do you even have grapefruits

NIKKI: yeah bye cowards

BEAR: this match is gonna steal the show isn’t it

here’s ALPHA, USOS, SLATERHYNO, MOJO, and DOLPH because the Andre

ALPHA: let’s beat up Dolph

SLATERHYNO: sounds good, our turn

BREEZANGO: nah, let’s pull Dolph out of the ring

GABLE: mind if I do the face in peril thing

USOS: sounds good

MOJO: please tag me so I can be hype

GABLE: k, tag

MOJO: I am very hype

everyone kills everyone else because the Andre

MOJO: hey Breeze are you legal

BREEZE: eh sure

MOJO: pin

MOJO wins

LUKE: I’m still mad at Bray so imma beat him up

TOM, JBL, OTUNGA: here’s the entire Mania card, THE WWE NETWORK THO

here’s some fireflies and BRAY, here’s LUKE too, they have a fight

BRAY: hey Luke wanna tear the house down

LUKE: yup, imma throw you outta the ring and over the barricade, then stand on the announce table within the first minute

BRAY: nice, now how bout some in-ring beef

LUKE: k, now have an announce table, senton, boot and pin

BRAY: nah, sister ab-

LUKE: nah, discus clothesline and pin

BRAY: oh look a rope, imma grab it

LUKE: welp

BRAY: yeah gotta look strong for Mania so sister abigail and pin

BRAY wins

ORTON: hi Bray, member how you rubbed Abigail’s ashes all over yourself and said you had her powers, well imma stab the rest of her ashes with a street sign so you don’t have her powers anymore

UNIVERSE: sure why not