For the most up-to-date collection of evidence in my case, demonstrating these accusations are indeed false, now see my summary and links to court documents from June of 2018.

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The allegations that have been made against me are substantially false. Phase one of my legal action on that will be completed tomorrow. And I will publish those details by the end of this week. But before doing that, I need to address something I consider more important. I know that I’ve made mistakes, which I’ve spoken about openly before, and I want to make clear I’m deeply sorry for having made any women in our community uncomfortable. I also need to make my standards of conduct at future events in the secular community clear, to ensure everyone can feel comfortable with my presence going forward.

This article will cover those two points.

My Apology

I recognize that some of my actions have contributed to this situation. I have not always been as wise or sensitive to context when I ask or approach someone as I should have been. And I have sometimes been too assertive. That has meant that my actions have made some women in our community uncomfortable. That is the furthest thing from what I want for our community, and for that I am very sorry.

I am not guilty of pursuing anyone after being told no. Nor have I touched anyone inappropriately. Nor have I harassed anyone. Nor have I done anything worse than what I already wrote about a year ago. But I want to acknowledge again that I have asked women out in situations where I was not as sensitive to the context or power dynamic as I should have been. In that way, my behavior was contributing to a long-standing climate in which women, especially younger women, may have felt that their value in this community is related to their sexual desirability rather than their activism or intellect. That is the exact opposite of what I want for our community.

I recognize that my role as a speaker and leader in this community requires me to hold myself to a higher standard than I would expect of a regular community member, and that in the past I haven’t always met that standard. To remedy that I will implement the following step to ensure my standards of behavior will meet a higher bar. I also intend to continue listening to and participating in the ongoing community dialog about sexual ethics and leadership standards to continue improving myself.

My New Conduct Standard

I also recognize that the current allegations against me, although largely false, would give event and group leaders pause when considering inviting me to speak or attend. So I want to lay out very clearly what anyone inviting me to an event, or encountering me at one, can expect from me from here on. I want to be clear that I’m not suggesting that this is how everyone, or even all speakers, should behave at events. This is the standard that I am adopting for my own behavior in recognition that I have not been as well calibrated on this as I believed I was in the past, and in recognition that I have to restore trust by being more circumspect than I would expect of others if I’m going to be able to continue doing the work I love for a community that I value. I may revise this rule after my case is settled (which I will also announce here). But until then:

When at any freethought-community event or associated afterparties, whether speaking, tabling, or merely attending, I will not seek or accept a sexual relationship with anyone at them, except those I have an already-established sexual relationship with, or someone who has expressed interest in advance of the event and we’ve already discussed it before I’ve arrived.

Although conferences and events are excellent places to meet fascinating like-minded people, Greta Christina is correct that they aren’t hook-up bars, and I largely agree with what she says in Sex-Positive Does Not Mean Anything Goes. But I can see how some of my past behavior has given the mistaken impression that conquesting is how I pursue women or view events in our community. Because of that, I want to be clear that my motive for being at these events is to advance the goals of the secular movement, including education and morale. That is the work I dedicate myself to. Partners and other friends of mine have in the past told me about various ways they set boundaries to separate their personal lives from their work. Like them I need to do this more than I have been. At events in the freethought community I intend to keep my focus on my work. I will not pursue new relationships at them. That will make everything clearer and easier for everyone.

None of this means that I will stop advocating for acceptance of kink, polyamory, social justice, and sex-positivity. I believe that men and women getting over cultural hangups about sex and sexuality will do a great deal to increase human happiness. I will continue to be transparent about my lifestyle and my values. I will continue to frankly answer questions about sexuality when I’m asked. And I will discuss sexuality openly and publicly in venues specifically designated for that, including my own blog.

My experience with and understanding of sexual ethics is evolving, and I have always admitted when I’ve made mistakes, although none have been as egregious as the allegations against me now. I believe that I have recognized and learned from my mistakes, and I hope for the opportunity to continue to improve as a person and as a member of the secular community. I am wholeheartedly asking the secular community to help me do that.

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German Translation by Fijavan Brenk