You’ve met the woman of your dreams and you’re ready to level up. You got the ring and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. Take a deep breath and slow down. Just because you’re carrying $10,000 in the form of an easy to lose ring doesn’t mean you should rush into things. Grab yourself a beer and make sure you aren’t about to hear her say “no.” You don’t want to be like these guys.

1. Misreading Her Signs

From the minute she walked into your friend’s party, you knew she was the one. The way she pushed her ironic granny glasses up her nose and smirked at your funniest joke told you she was completely into you too, so you followed her on Twitter and she found you on Instagram. It wasn’t long before you were invited over for a post bar crawl drink and the night was magic. Now you’re tagged in all the same photos and even talked on the phone. It’s definitely time to propose.

Reality check

No, it’s definitely not time to propose. You never even asked her out and now you’re going to ask her to marry you? Put that Cracker Jack box down and pay attention to what I’m about to tell you.

This was a terrible idea anyway.

You and your girl may be into each other, you may even love each other, but the relationship you have is one that you fell into by convenience. You never officially asked her, which means you never officially gave her the chance to say no and never officially asked to be in a relationship. This doesn’t mean your relationship is meaningless, but it does mean that it started with zero stakes. Do you know what the stakes are when you’re married? They’re everything. When you’re married you are completely vulnerable to each other emotionally, financially, and physically. You can’t go from 0-60 in a relationship and walk away happy. So do whatever it takes before you propose to determine that this relationship is more than just two bored or lonely people who went with the flow. Go on a few real dates. Talk about the future. “Do you want to have kids” is a good conversation to have. “Would you rather stay in an apartment in the city or move to a house in the suburbs” is also a good conversation to have. Talk about spending habits. The “will you marry me” conversation should be a natural result from these, perhaps cringe-worthy, topics of conversation. If you haven’t had these talks yet, she is probably nowhere near where you are in thinking about marriage.

2. Making It All About You

You hired the band, choreographed and prepared the flash mob, got the necessary permits to rent out Times Square, arranged for the jumbotron to broadcast the hidden camera feed, and, of course, bought the ring. You’re ready to make that big splashy proposal that will go viral and really wow your woman. I mean, what woman wouldn’t want her proposal in the center of the center of the universe?

Reality check

Your woman, that’s who!

She’s calm, she’s put together, and she lets you take the spotlight all the time because she doesn’t like being in it. So don’t force her into the spotlight. Find a balance between her and you. You can always rent out the party room at a restaurant she loves and have her family and friends (as well as yours) ready to party. Get a private table for two far from the party room. Order drinks, pretend to take your time with the menu, and then propose. Keep that proposal between just the two of you. When she’s said yes, let the party room doors open and have all your friends and family join the celebration. If this suggestion is not “you” enough, good. This isn’t about you.

3. Putting In No Effort

You bought the ring and it cost a fortune and now you’re expected to shell out more for a fancy restaurant and dozens of roses just so you can propose somewhere else? Isn’t this ring enough?

None of this makes any sense. She should just be happy that you spent all that money on a rock and not ask for more than that, amiright?

Reality Check

Absolutely not! You don’t have to spend what you spent on the ring to propose in style. You don’t even have to spend much, you just have to put in some effort. Show that you care. You want to stay in and make her come to you, that’s okay, it’s been done, you just have to do it right.

But DO SOMETHING! Put on a nice shirt, pick your socks up off the floor (you’ll thank me for that one when she posts a million pictures of this), throw some rose petals down, spray the place with Febreeze, light some candles, turn off the TV, and prepare something nice to say.

4. Being Distracted

You are a member of the VIP class and the buck stops with you. You are a television producer, best-selling author, talk show host, scientist, and perform cardiac surgery in your free time? Who are you—Dr. Oz?

First of all, that is actually really cool and thank you for reading my article. If you are not Dr. Oz, PUT AWAY YOUR GODDAMN PHONE. But, you tell me with a pleading voice, she knows I’m an important, busy man and she loves that about me. I’m not going to change myself for a proposal.

Reality Check

She loves your ambition or your drive to help people, but she also loves herself and would like to be your number one priority every once in a while. If you can’t get someone to cover for you at work or set up an out of office reply when you’re asking her to make the biggest decision of her life (yet), will you ever? Will she be alone in the delivery room birthing your child? Will she be attending every parent-teacher conference by herself? Will she be planning and hosting all your holiday parties alone? You may think I’m jumping to ridiculous conclusions, but I’m just giving you insight into all the doubts you’ll be sowing in her brain by not making yourself available to her in this important moment.

5. Getting a Ring without Getting Input

You’ve talked out every scenario for the next 50 years. You made a reservation at her favorite restaurant and have an after-party getting started back at your place. You would never give her anything but your undivided attention. You even have the best ring ever. Perhaps it’s your grandmother’s ring or perhaps you bought it from a big name jewelry store the last time you were in the city. Keeping it from her was so difficult, but definitely worth the romance. She is going to go crazy with a big, loud YES.

Reality Check

I’m sorry, did you say you picked out her ring…alone? She, her designated-ring-friend, or her mother was not involved at all? Why would you do that? She’s been dreaming about this ring since she was 12.

You’re about to put a huge amount of money onto her ring finger and you don’t know what she wants it to look like? Oh boy. She will be wearing this ring for the rest of her life, shouldn’t she have a say in it? There are so many different style of rings, types of center stones, and price ranges, this isn’t something you should go into blindly. Even if you want to keep it a surprise, you can still get her insight. If she is very particular about what she likes, then she’s bound to have given someone direction. Ask her closest friend who can keep a secret (there’s no way she would have spoken to someone who can’t keep a secret from her at the necessary time). Ask her mother if there are any ring ads torn from magazines hanging on her bedroom wall at home. And guess what, you will still manage to find ways to surprise your woman with the proposal even if you’ve been dropping hints to gather a better sense of what she wants.

There you have it. Talk about marrying each other ahead of time + plan something she’d like + make an effort – outside distractions + the right ring = a great big yes.

Hopefully to the right guy.