IF THERE were an algorithm that could formulate a person’s most asked question, mine would be “what are you?” Society has a habit of labelling people like soup cans in a kitchen and for as long as I can remember, one of the first questions people ask during initial conversation is usually in relation to my racial ambiguity.

Replying with “I am Australian” only ever leads to “but what are you really?” Learning how to tolerate ignorance and pass it off as curiosity, I take a deep breath and pull out the pie chart. I was born in Australia, but my mother originates from Malaysia and is of Chinese heritage. My father is of Anglo background, mixed with German and Belgium descent but was born in Sydney.

The responses tend to be generic ranging from how exotic that is, how adorable mixed babies are or how I am the spitting image of their other mixed raced friend. Accepting that it is intended as a compliment, at the same time it is dehumanising and reduces my identity to some sort of novelty. Most of the time it leaves me unscathed, but the more I am asked “what am I”, the more of a hindrance it becomes.

The 2016 Census released today shows that for the first time in Australia’s history, there are now more migrants from Asia, than there is from Europe. The data shows of the 1.3 million new migrants that have moved to Australia since 2011, most hail from China and India. Five years ago, that figure was 2 per cent and has now risen to 16 per cent. We are becoming more diverse as a nation, but there is still areas where we lack understanding.

Growing up I absorbed both cultures. Like many kids in Australia, I was obsessed with The Wiggles, watched Agro’s Cartoon Connection and rode my bike around the neighbourhood. My western features were distinguished enough to be labelled a “gweilo” while visiting family in Malaysia, translating to ghost man, a non-derogatory slang term for westerners.

At the same time Chinese tradition, faith and customs were very much injected into my life. Chinese New Year was celebrated as much as Christmas and southeast Asian cuisine was predominantly served at the dinner table. I would hide to eat lunch at school to refrain from having to explain the contents of my lunch box and beg my mother to let me bring fairy bread to parties instead of the red bean dessert or moon cake that no one ever ate.

Early in life, being multiethnic led to a struggle of a mixed raced identity crisis where I went through a period of internalising racism. I stopped identifying with my mother’s heritage, I was embarrassed to speak Mandarin in public and even remember changing schools and lying to everyone saying I was from New Zealand.

As I grew older, I learnt to appreciate my mixed raced heritage. It has allowed me the privilege of growing up with two cultures, the ability to speak a second language and the opportunity to bounce between two countries my whole life. On the down side however, the commonalities that come with being of mixed background can be rather frustrating.

Although being mixed raced is no longer a taboo and everyone is “mixed” to a certain extent, race is still very much viewed in monoracial, binary terms. In many ways, the attitudes toward people from different backgrounds has come a long way, however there is still work that needs to be done as race is still a prominent discourse in today’s society.

Having an Anglo name and being without distinguishing features means I have white passing privilege and am not subject to the magnitude of discrimination as someone who is monoracially assigned to an ethnic minority. However, I still tend to find myself sitting undercover to racist remarks on a regular basis.

White passing privilege doesn’t leave me exempt from having one side of my culture vilified, or leave me from internalising stereotypes about my identity. I acknowledge it is a privilege nonetheless, but at times it can make you feel powerless when you are unable to defend yourself because you are seen as only one half of another.

At times where I interject, I am riddled with comments such as “but you’re not really Asian” or “you’re basically white”, and without any say in the matter the eligibility to defend half the blood that runs through my veins is swiftly pushed to the side. It is easy for some to categorise or stereotype you, with a sense of casual racism to avoid discomfort or if it is convenient, but when you try to claim your ethnicity, it is easily dismissed.

Being one race at the beginning of a conversation and another by the end is a rather peculiar feeling. One day I will be stripped of my ethnicity and be told I’m not a “real Asian”, but on the contrary I will order a bubble tea or ask for extra chilli at a restaurant and be told how Asian I am.

At other times, there is the pressure to pick a side and align with one side of your racial identity, when you identify with neither of them completely but both of them in different ways. It is not a matter of choice however. If I went to a restaurant then I would order char kway teow and a pint of beer and I wouldn’t choose one without the other.

Perhaps people are sincerely interested in knowing a person’s background and no malice is intended, or perhaps people have genuine difficulty understanding a multiracial dyad or ethno-cultural dissimilarity. But that is why we need to have better conversations around what it means to be mixed raced.

It’s not a matter of being politically correct or sensitive, but it is important to acknowledge that race is not about biology, it is a social construct and whether a person is half, a quarter or one eighth, it is more than just a percentage. It makes up who a person is and it should never be dismissed in the same vein that no one should be made to feel like they have to validate their identity to others.

Carolyn Cage is a freelance journalist.