1.



Nobody has used a handkerchief (other than folding & stuffing in a pocket for aesthetics) in like 38 years, so this couldn’t possibly still be a thing. In 2014 she’d wipe her lipstick on one of the leftover fast food restaurant napkins from his glove compartment and it’d be a non-issue.I think the modern equivalent would be: MEN DON’T LIKE girls who ask for a sip of their drink and get lip-gloss all over the straw.

2.



Gum smacking is the worst no matter the person or century, so that should go without saying, but “don’t sit awkwardly?” This needs to define “awkward” because you shouldn’t sacrifice comfort for some silly, non-existent sitting position standard. I once cared too much about my posture when seated and I overdrafted my account because I didn’t have enough f-cks to give. Insufficient f-cks, if you will.

3.



*Woman & Man dancing*

Woman: Hey, want to get out of here and go back to your pl—“

Man: “Witch! Not while I’m Cupid Shuffling, you inconsiderate monster!”

4.

“Hey, broad, I don’t care about your outfit! Tell me I’m handsome and give me your take on negro-less baseball and quality fedoras. Got it, doll?” – Average 1930s guy, imagined by me.

The interesting part of this is that nowadays, if anyone is even slightly more accountable for flattering or keeping date conversations interesting, it’s the guy. Regardless, compliments are a bonus, not a requirement, and conversations about yoga pants or sundresses are more than welcome by any respectable fella in 2014.

5.

It’s estimated that in 1930 alone, over 25,000 dates were going pretty well but came to abrupt halts because of unforgivable girdle tugs. Not to mention the women who weren’t wearing brassieres as if a pair of shapely, voluptuous, unsupported, flailing breasteses were socially acceptable.

6.

The thought of a 1930s man getting all fussy because his date hijacked his rearview mirror to do her makeup is pretty funny. In that whiny man’s defense, cars didn’t get side mirrors until like the 1940s, so not crashing should’ve probably taken precedence over having impeccable eye shadow game. It’s funny because I constantly see modern women fixing their make-up WHILE DRIVING flawlessly. How did they get so talented? Maybe it’s evolution. Maybe it’s God’s will. Maybe it’s Maybelline.

7.

PDA is still highly debated to this day. I’ve seen an embarrassed guy tell his girlfriend to “take it easy” when she was simply hugging him from behind and I saw a video on WorldStarHipHop of a couple having sex in a busy parking lot, so I think there’s a happy middle we can all agree is tolerable. That being said, the woman above appears to be digging in that man’s earhole, or perhaps delivering a wet Willy, which most folks aren’t into.

8.



“Look, toots, we’re in public and you want me to feel feelings & emote emotions, but that don’t jive with me.” – The same average 1930s guy imagined by me earlier, though I’m pretty sure “don’t jive with me” isn’t something people said in the 1930s or ever at all. It just felt right.

9.



Don’t speak to him, don’t smile at him, don’t make eye contact with him, don’t even order from him, see… Mah see, she’ll have the salad, mahhhhh!

10.

Being ready on time is actually a pretty reasonable, solid tip for anyone to this day. However, telling someone to greet their date with a smile is like telling someone to unwrap the candy before they eat it. Like, naturally this is probably going to happen, but thanks for the excessive advice, 1930s.

11.



TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?! Turn down for your date, that’s what. Don’t get all buzzed and witty and happy and like, enjoy yourself — this is a date, not a good time, lady.

12.

I thought we already established that a 1930s woman had no business looking at or speaking to men who weren’t her date, so not gently stroking some dudes hair from the booth should go without saying. I love how “don’t get blackout drunk” is a tip. Was this a common thing on dates back then because if so, that’s incredible. It sounds to me as if 1930s romance had the potential to be a ton of fun, but some folks encouraged women not to do anything. Don’t do this, don’t do that, just DON’T. Thinking about doing something other than smiling at him like a mindless mannequin? DON’T. This wasn’t dating, it was accommodating, and where’s the pleasure in one-sided satisfaction? I think we can all agree that 1930s romance wasn’t nearly as magnificent as 1930s slang.

image – How to be a Good Lover