President Donald Trump prepares to sign an executive order to bolster historically black colleges and universities in the Oval Office of the White House in Washington, DC, February 28, 2017. Photo : Jim Watson ( Getty Images )

For some reason—maybe this has to do with white Midwestern farmers who don’t realize that Trump doesn’t care about them and yet they still support him—Trump believes that there is a way to pull the black vote. Since his campaign is either relentless, grossly underestimating the political education of black folks, or stupid (something tells me it’s all three), Trump’s reelection campaign—which goes by the covert secret ops name “RSWU” or “Russian Sex Worker Urine”—plans to open 15 community centers in major cities across the country, and most importantly, sell official Trump swag, including hats and T-shirts that read “Woke” and “Black Voices for Trump.”




The initiative is tentatively called “Bigots Leeching And Catering to Kneegrow Suckers” or B.L.A.C.K.S.



The Hill had the opportunity to visit a prototype of the upcoming community centers inside the Trump campaign headquarters in Virginia and notes that the centers will be manned by volunteers who will pass out literature that will promote former President Obama’s good work as Trump accomplishments. There will also be big-screen TVs that will feature testimonials from Trump supporters, which will probably include some of Trump’s most famous blacks like Jim Brown, Kim Kardashian, Bhad Bhabie and Vhan Jhones.




“The first wave of offices will open in Tallahassee, Jacksonville, Orlando, Tampa and Miami, Fla.; Atlanta; Detroit; Columbus and Cleveland, Ohio; Philadelphia; Pittsburgh; Charlotte, Raleigh and Greensboro, N.C.; and Milwaukee,” The Hill reports.



The campaign hopes that by setting up mind-control stations in black areas and offering T-shirts and hats that somehow Trump will be able to pull black voters who hate themselves and their families. Apparently, Trump’s people have some secret polling data that show the president making inroads with African Americans and not just that one guy that’s always strategically placed behind Trump with his website on his T-shirt and a really shiny forehead filled with sweat and conk juice.



“You’re never going to get votes you don’t ask for,” said Jared Kushner, a senior adviser to the campaign, told the Hill. “Last time it was, ‘What the hell do you have to lose?’ Now you show them what they’ve gained from President Trump and what more they can gain if they get four more years of President Trump.”



The Hill notes that in 2016, Trump pulled about 8 percent of support among black voters, which, when you take all of the sellouts and self-haters from across the country, amounts to about 6 percent; add that with the 2 percent of black folks living in the 1 percent, you have what is commonly called the Ray Lewis vote.




The hope for the Trump campaign is that if they can move that needle among African American voters even by a few percent then they have a chance of beating Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders the Democratic presidential nominee.



Trump’s campaign has one shot in pushing the openly racist president across the finish line. In courting black voters, the Trump campaign is seizing on one caveat that still haunts Democrats: They overlook black voters and their issues because they assume that the black vote is guaranteed.




From The Hill:



A BlackPAC poll found that a majority of black voters, 54 percent, believe the Democratic Party is not paying close enough attention to their needs. The survey found that 70 percent of Democrats would vote for a generic Democrat, while 12 percent would support Trump and 12 percent would back a potential third-party candidate. A Trump campaign official said their internal polling has found support among African Americans on the rise, particularly in the cities where the first wave of community centers will open. The official put Trump’s black support in those cities in the 15 to 30 percent range. “The Democratic Party has taken advantage of the black vote for a long time,” the campaign official said. “They’ve been able to get a high percentage of the vote. We’re able to communicate directly with a lot of these voters and they’re seeing the promises made in the past have not come true. A lot of the people who have promised them things have failed to live up to those promises.”


So the Trump campaign is banking on these community centers and “woke” tees to pull the black votes. Oh, and they will be pointing out the work that Trump has done with the wokest Kardashian and Vhan, the investments in urban opportunity zones (which is really an opportunity for investors willing to build in black neighborhoods, which many residents feel will push out blacks) and the work he’s done with HBCUs (He’s not done anything other than not fuck them over, which I guess is a win.)



The Hill notes that Trump’s campaign crew has already amassed dozens of folks to act as “black voices for Trump,” which includes holding community events in places like Michigan, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin. These events include talks like, “Why staying with the master is better than being free,” and “Is raisins in potato salad really that bad?”




“We see the numbers coming up in the polls and the demand on the ground when we do these types of events, so it’s really important that we take this next step and really bring those voters into the party,” senior campaign adviser Katrina Pierson told the Hill.

