“Are you subscribed to the red pill,” I messaged him like some awful parody of Twilight in which Bella confronts Edward about being a vampire.

Him: “Omg

y ask these things

no I am not”

Me: “Because your views seem so closely aligned with theirs”

Him: “i guess i agree with some things, but i have my own opinions on that”

This was six months into our relationship. I wish I had made him elaborate more at the time on his opinions on The Red Pill (TRP), the notorious Reddit community with the welcome statement: “The Red Pill: Discussion of sexual strategy in a culture increasingly lacking a positive identity for men.” Though he never said he was a Red Piller outright, his actions and words echoed in The Red Pill posts I read.

Before continuing I would like to introduce TRP. Instead of going to the subreddit and scrolling through the sidebar guidelines and some of the top posts of the day, here is a convenient compilation on On why TRP is sexist and bad for both men and women by /u/IAmAN00bie

For those of you too lazy to click on the link, I’ll quote /u/IAmAN00bie who summarizes it better than I could:

“WTF is TRP? Ever seen The Matrix? (If you answered no, do you live under a rock or something?) If so, do you remember the scene where Morpheus offers Neo the choice between taking ‘the red pill’ or taking ‘the blue pill?’ In the movie, taking the blue pill would result in Neo remaining oblivious to the true nature of the Matrix, while taking the red pill made Neo wake up ‘to the true nature of the world.’ (Spoiler alerts: fucking robots, man!) In context of TRP movement, taking the red pill here means a man has awoken to the ‘true nature of women.’ You can read TRP’s sidebar to see more on what this means (hint: don’t bother, it’s filled with fluff and pseudo-scientific drivel), but a tl;dr is this: women are children, weak, emotionally manipulative, and only after your money. Women can’t love, they only seek you for protection (read: money). Women would fuck you over in a heart-beat for a more ‘alpha’ male. Thus, red pillers seek to work on ‘game’ (this is where their bullshit about ‘TRP is just self-improvement’ comes from). ‘Game’ refers to pick-up artist tactics used to improve their chances of having sex. Things like being confident, becoming physically fit, or anything else you would typically find in a health, fitness, or dating-tips forum for men. Platitudes that are sound advice for anyone, but used by TRPers to mask the negative aspect of their belief system.”

This is a cautionary tale from my personal experience. It was hard to see in isolated incidents but looking back now it’s so apparent. I‘m disappointed in how naive I was because I had read all of Eliot Rodger’s manifesto and The Game by Neil Strauss before yet I hadn’t researched The Red Pill until the end of the relationship. Here are the signs I was dating a Red Piller in almost chronological order of their appearances that I wish I had known:

tl;dr: Sign 1: Pushy for Sex Part 1, Sign 2: Talks about Alphas and Betas, Hypergamy, and Evolution, Sign 3: Hates Feminists, Sign 4: Values Innocence and Shames Sluts, Sign 5: Obsessed with Money, Sign 6: Controls Your Appearance, Sign 7: Believes Men are the Romantic Gender, Sign 8: Jealous of Other Guys, Sign 9: Pushy For Sex Part 2, Especially Acts You Did With Previous Partners, Sign 10: Calls You Nicknames Like Slut, Maid, Slave, Good Girl, Housewife, and His Pet Outside of the Bedroom, Sign 11: Asks or Tells You To Do Things For Him, Sign 12: He Doesn’t Want to Have a Daughter (Because He Doesn’t Want to Be Ashamed of Her), Sign 13: Says AWALT, Sign 14: Determines Your Sexual Market Value

Sign 1: Pushy for Sex Part 1

It all started before we even started dating. We had been FWB for about two months until some interactions with a past boyfriend made me unable to deal with anything remotely relationship-y. I told this to him and said if he wanted to be just friends, then we could hang out, otherwise I couldn’t go through the motions but I wouldn’t judge him if he didn’t want to hang out with me anymore. He asked me what things I’m not ready for and I said holding hands and sex, maybe, it depends. That “in the moment I might be up for it but generally, no”.

He asked me to come over a few nights later.

We ate dinner and watched a movie about drugs at his place. On three separate occasions he tried to initiate sex with me that night. I can’t remember how exactly but he would say something like “you know what would be nice? sex” or just touching me sexually. I told him no, and that I had already warned him that I wasn’t ready for that yet so he shouldn’t have invited me over if that’s what he wanted. When he finally realized that I wasn’t going to put out, he became a bit huffy and silent. We went to sleep that night on opposite sides of his bed far from each other. I was so disgusted, couldn’t wait to get out of there, and never wanted to see him again. This itself should have been enough reason for me to say no to him when he asked for a serious, exclusive relationship but I had forgotten about this incident seven months later amongst our future good moments.

Five months after this incident we talked about it again:

Him: “it turns me on when i watch a sad movie and the girl watching is sad as fuck at the end”

Me: “lol wasn’t i like that with one of the movies the one with all the drugs in tokyo”

Him: “nah”

Me: “i was crying…idk if u remember”

Him: “cuz u werent dtf LOL thats so mean”

Me: “hahahha”

I laughed because he was just a FWB. I laughed at a lot of the things he told me at first, even at the start of our relationship. Having been through it all now, I will never laugh again.

SIGN 2: Talks about Alphas and Betas, Hypergamy, and Evolution

Me: “this whitney houston song i don’t really like came up, i listened to the lyrics carefully, there was this one part ‘If I lose my fame and fortune and I’m homeless on the street and I’m sleeping in Grand Central Station it’s okay if you’re sleeping with me’

^ i feel like that sentiment could TOTALLY happen to me and it’s scary”

Him: “i dont get it can u explain”

Me: “it’s like, we’re both poor af, no social status but it’s okay because we’re together”

Him: “thats what i thought why is that scary?”

Me: “loving someone like that so much to be okay with those conditions”

Him: “hahaha omfg lmaooo OH

oh loving someone so much to be okay with those conditions

i thought u meant because u ended up in those conditions u love someone who slept with u also poor af”

Me: “LOL NO”

Him: “thats funny that shows a disparity in our thinking cause that would be what id think

if a girl ended up in those conditions shed only love someone like dat cuz she poor af and need resources

wat about this u in love and dat guy become poor af u think ud still love him”

Me: “yeah i would :/”

Him: “also he aint good looking anymore”

Me: “and i’d stick with him”

Him: “he lost one eye lmao hahahahhaa”

Me: “yeah i would lol”

Him: “LOl thats nice i dont think u would though ;)”

Me: “hahaha noo… i know i would :/”

Him: “come 2 the dark side u wouldnt esp with all these other rich prince charmings strollin yo way u might still have a little place for him in ur heart watever high level shit that means but nahhhhhhh ud find someone else

wat level of annoyed r u now of me lmao

i should stop talking about this evolutionarily speaking. me talking to u about this and talking so much about it should make u less attracted 2 me”

This was still before we started dating. Looking back, especially at the bolded parts, it’s painfully obvious what he was referring to here was hypergamy, or as TRP defines it, “The instinctual urge for women to seek out the best alpha available”. A few times he even said “the hypergamy is so real” and “hypergamous af” about me and other girls. At the time I did not connect what he meant by that until reading through TRP glossary and recognizing that word as something he called me.

Later in our messages on a girl he used to see:

Him: “she was with her ex for [redacted] years actually some hella alpha ripped dude who cheated on her all the time successful af

then it was me college kid without a car LOL

but hey i was confident still im pretty chill

the reason i fucked up wasnt even the lack of resources or whatever

i FUCKED UP cause i was being a bitch”

Me: “what do u mean u were a bitch…u don’t have to elaborate if u don’t wanna it’s just so vague to me”

Him: “she just seemed like a really valuable female so i got really attached

we’d talk about this all the time too the evolutionary shit

and she would straight up say like yeah my number one turn off is when guys are emotional which is correct that should be a female’s number 1 turn off among other things”

Me: “see, i like when guys are emotional but then”

Him: “nah u dont prob some part is appealing”

Me: “when i confessed to my ex that i had feelings for him”

Him: “but a whiney bitch never gonna be loved for being a whiney bitch”

Me: “and he opened up to me his feelings and he got kind of attach-y”

Him: “yea u want that enigmatic stoic mothafucka”

Me: “i felt for a brief minute a moment of something like disgust so weird”

Him: “yup understand your emotions u developed 2 react like dat for good reasons ;)”

Me: “but then i quickly get over that disgust and i looooove when they share their emotions with me idk”

Him: “yeah u love when they share their emotions because all women need a mix of alpha and beta

2 much dominance and u hate urself 2 little dominance and u hate them the former is for the passion/lust the latter is for the commitment damn i understand this so well”

Here is the alpha vs beta. Alpha being successful, ripped, confident, stoic, emotionless, and with resources. The girl’s ex he refers to here could be your average “Chad” in TRP community. Then he describes how “valuable” this girl he used to see is, which is what he attributes his attachment to. At first I thought he meant she was a special person to him, but after readin TRP, “valuable” has a different meaning to me. But more on this later.

Also, inb4 TRP community attacks me for feeling a brief disgust at the show of attachment from a previous boyfriend. My love for feeling attachment with a significant other overpowers that brief disgust and what kind of relationship is one where you can’t be emotional and vulnerable. And being scared of loving someone so much that you’re okay being homeless with them doesn’t just apply to girls.

Sign 3: Hates Feminists

Him: “thats probably one of my biggest turn offs that and being hella feminist yuck”

At first I interpreted hella feminist to be the social justice warrior types and didn’t pay too much mind to it.

Him: “i find it interesting how i talk about this stuff with you i guess ur pretty open minded for a girl and not-so-feminist”

I am generally a very open, non-judgmental person and never call anyone out on controversial views which is probably why he called me this. He probably believed I was a good candidate to shape into a Red Pill Woman, which we’ll get into later. Another reason he might have done this, whether consciously or unconsciously, was to reward me for not being so feminist so I would want to continue like that for his acceptance or something. Yeah, that didn’t last long.

Ten months later preview:

Me: “You’re bringing out the feminist inside of me that usually lies dormant.”

Him: “Why are you being so feminist these days. You were more chill a few months ago”

Sign 4: Values Innocence and Shames Sluts

Now I’m two weeks into a relationship with him. He says out of nowhere that he doesn’t know how to cope with my past sexual experiences and that I didn’t treasure my innocence more. At first, I was sympathetic because I knew that some people view sex differently from me and some felt uncomfortable with significant others with high partner counts. I had 16 PIV partners and almost 30 all kinds of sex partners if anyone is wondering.

Me: “What is it about it that bothers you exactly? I’ve read TONS of askmen Reddit threads on this topic And am interested to know what your reasoning is”

Him: “I’m sure all the shit you read are the same fucking faggots supporting those feminist ideals probably raising the argument that it’s a double standard against women or some shit

there are obvious biological reasons though why do you think men are disgusted in general I mean in terms of a mating standpoint

the oxytocin and shit whether you think it or not is fact

your inability to bond increases with the number of partners you might not think so but it is so

it also increases risk of cheating in the future and i really have strong ideals about this but for some reason idk why despite how strong i feel about this i don’t think you’d cheat which is probably me being fucking stupid because a man should stick to his beliefs but i really like you you fucker

for me it’s mainly just the fact you did it that is so stressful and saddening and mostly because i really like your damn personality but like innocence is so important to me it’s so sad you coulda been perfect but you can’t it bothers me that you don’t regret either…”

Him: “i’m fucking stupid for even like bringing this up cause there’s never any room for rationalizing with a woman about her promiscuous behavior

i wonder what your responses will be like jesus 4 other guys have pictures of you naked that’s so disgusting to me

Do you at least understand where I’m coming from”

Me: “Besides that, I think that when men are uncomfortable with a partner’s high sexual count one reason is they value sex differently. Some people put a lot of value on sex and it’s horrible to them that other people could just throw it away like that”

Him: “Of course like you no shit…”

Me: “Yeah I don’t view or value sex in that way”

Him: “that means you don’t value it which means you are kind of a slut which pisses me off

How do you feel right now What emotions do you feel”

Me: “I don’t think sex is something I need to limit myself to a romantic partner. That said, sex with someone with feelings >>> sex without feelings

Right now I honestly feel like I could cry”

Him: “Why”

Me: “You are totally slut shaming me right now”

Him: “I am at least you feel that way

so you feeling like you wanted to cry just now is just purely out of frustration it’s not cause you feel sad at all or hurt”

Me: “I do feel sad and hurt not because of what you say but that you do say it

When my roommate and I call each other sluts it’s lovingly and jokingly but with you there’s malice and that changes the word

You need to figure out what you care about more, my personality or my innocence and if it’s my personality then I don’t want to hear about my innocence anymore. Neither one is right or wrong. It’s what matters to you I won’t judge you for that you’re entitled to your opinions

I really like you too but this is really frustrating”

If you really want me to be yours then you have to accept all of me, including my past. This is the most you’ve made me upset lol and if this is brought up in the future I’ll be pretty pissed. Like it’s okay to have a discussion on it but calling me a slut?? How my behavior is disgusting and horrible? Like it’s one thing my fwb saying that Idrc but my boyfriend? Wtf?”

I continued the relationship because I didn’t truly realize the full extent to which he felt this way and I really believed he wouldn’t bring it up again in the future. For some guys I may not be LTR material because of my high partner count, but from now on any guy who calls me or another girl a slut or participates in slut shaming is an automatic deal breaker for me.

Sign 5: Obsessed with Money

TRP community believes one of the ways to attract women is to make a lot of money because women are just superficial gold diggers right. My ex was obsessed with money. He browsed /r/personalfinance regularly, constantly comparing different jobs based on their salaries, taking into consideration cost of living, free food at work, that kind of stuff. His goal was to be a millionaire in three years.

And he said he would dump me if I made more money than him.

No idea how serious he was about that.

I remember a phone call he had with a friend when he told his friend he got into a relationship. The friend asked him, “does she know that you don’t want her to make more money than you”.

I overheard, laughed, and replied “yes!”

At the time I thought it was cute/funny. Now I see it as a red warning flag that the guy isn’t comfortable with not being the breadwinner of the family, and also might want me to be financially dependent on him.

Sign 6: Controls Your Appearance

My ex wasn’t as extreme as he could have been in this department. Some things he did do was ask me to dress slutty whenever we went to music festivals or clubs. Maybe to show me off to other guys.

When I wasn’t wearing makeup or my makeup had smudged off by the end of the day, he would pout and say why aren’t you wearing makeup for me. My last boyfriend before him actually got upset when I wore makeup and preferred me without makeup. Both of these preferences bothered me because I thought I looked good with or without makeup and didn’t need anyone telling me how I should wear it.

Him: “i mean like little things for makeup u should be open to for me tho right

ok ill stop suggesting anything then

i thought its nice if u kinda do some things i want”

And he’s right, it’s nice if we do some things for our significant others but at this point, coupled with other things, I felt too uncomfortable with these requests.

One time he said I looked fat in a picture I was tagged in on Facebook but “aww ur still a q t tho”. I thought I looked GREAT in that picture and asked my mother, who is brutally, won’t-let-me-audition-for-American-Idol honest and some friends if I looked fat and they said no. He never commented anything like that again but it makes me think that if we had continued our relationship he would have made more of these remarks to put me down, almost like negging, make me think that no other guy will want me, but look he still thinks I’m a q t! so I’ll be forever indebted to him for staying with an unattractive girl like me.

Lol.

One time I wore a mini skirt and thigh high socks which he was super into but I didn’t feel like having sex that night and he became all disappointed again because it was my fault for turning him on and how could he resist, and kept trying to initiate sex after I didn’t said no and tried to push him off me. He asked me to wear the outfit the next time he saw me later in the week and I said I didn’t want to repeat outfits and wear dirty clothes again. He replied “fine”.

Sign 7: Believes Men are the Romantic Gender

Before we started dating officially he would mention how romantic he was. On our first dates to spots that overlooked the city and buying me gifts from trips he went on, he always exclaimed how romantic he was, but not as romantic as he used to be due to his past relationships.

One day we talked about who would take our breakup harder. I said that I would just because my memory is pretty good and I remember all these incidents that torture me whereas his memory sucked. But he said that no, guys take breakups harder than women, and that men are the more romantic gender.

This is a sentiment that can be found on TRP’s sidebar Theory Reading.

Sign 8: Jealous of Other Guys

He didn’t want me to interact with any of my previous sexual partners or ever mention them to him. I told him he could interact with his past FWB’s, I didn’t care.

He didn’t want me to sleep over at a friend’s place if I was the only girl there (note, it wouldn’t have just been me and one guy, but me and many other friends). I didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable and I agreed not to, even though I didn’t fully understand why. It felt like he didn’t trust me. He said no guy would be comfortable with this and it’s not that he didn’t trust me, it’s that he didn’t trust other guys. But that made me think that he must think that other guys would want to take advantage of me sexually which means that maybe he would want to take advantage of a girl sexually if she was alone, too.

At one point he was suspicious of my gay best friend.

We met up with another one of my friends and my friend’s date at a music concert. My ex was offstand-ish and kind of rude to my friend because he felt like my friend liked me. But my friend had his own date.

My friends invited him to an outing with us. He asked who would be there. I told him their names and it was all guys. He made a comment about how it was all guys, what about my friends who were girls. But they had invited him.

Sign 9: Pushy For Sex Part 2, Especially Acts You Did With Previous Partners

I tried explaining to him that role play doesn’t do much for me and I’d much rather fuck my boyfriend than some stranger. Maybe later to spice it up then we can pretend we were strangers/teacher/student/whatever. But no, it bothered him that I had tried role playing with someone else. I said that the circumstances were appropriate for role play when I had done it, being vague on purpose because he hated hearing about my past yet still kept pushing me to talk about it, until I finally told him I had tried it in a classroom that was what was why it felt appropriate.

Another time he wanted me to give him a lap dance. I told him that I tried that before and it lasted like five seconds before it was too embarrassing to continue. He kept pushing me to do it and I kept saying no, I maybe said no thirty times, and then finally relented, mindlessly grinding on his lap with my face turned away from him so he couldn’t see me upset, crying, and embarrassed. When the song ended, he wanted another one, but this time with my face in front of him. I kept crying until he finally stopped asking me to do it again.

Some parts of me thought that he liked when I was in pain and reluctance.

One time he kept asking for nudes, like every hour, that was all our conversation was about, and I got so pissed off he kept asking for them when I’m busy and don’t have the time to shave, pose, or be alone to take nudes. I had planned on taking the nudes later but then his insistence annoyed me so much that I didn’t.

He also on more than one occasion wanted to take nude pics of me with my face in them. I told him no, that this was something I promised myself I wouldn’t do. But he interpreted my reluctance to take nudes with my face in them that I didn’t trust him, he wouldn’t upload those pics to the Internet. I told him it wasn’t just about that, what if his phone or camera got stolen. He said he would encrypt the pictures. I never let him take pictures of me nude. At one point I was worried he had taken pictures of me while I was sleeping nude.

On the topic of nudes, he wanted me to delete all the nudes on my phone because I had sent them to other guys and why would I need them anymore now that I was with him.

His sex drive was too much for me and I thought I had a healthy libido. At some point he wanted it twice a day for a week. My body could not keep up, it hurt because I wasn’t wet, the idea of foreplay for him was saying “Let’s have sex” (he improved in that later on). I would have to constantly reject him because he would keep asking and I would never initiate because I didn’t want it anymore.

A sex session took about 40 minutes, and then cum would seep out of me for the next hour even after trying to make my vaginal muscles push it out, and he didn’t use condoms of course because it didn’t feel good and I was on birth control anyway.

I sometimes got canker sores or cold sores and he would be upset at this because I couldn’t give blow jobs.

He would express disappointment at my period and I’d remind him that at least I’m not pregnant.

One night I let him fuck me while I was sleeping because I was too tired, he tried to do doggy, I said I didn’t want to, and he called me lazy. At one point I tried to have sex with him in the middle of the day instead of when I was tired at night but then as I tried to shower after doing it in the middle of the day he said “what about sex later?” And one time I flat out refused to have sex with him and he said “come on, I waited all day for this, you HAVE to”.

Every sign of affection he showed I was afraid would lead to sex and if it didn’t, it would lead to a “I’m going to fuck you later”.

And when I didn’t want to have sex with him, he would turn away from me, or move to the couch (but he got better with this later on the relationship when I expressed this).

It came to the point where I dreaded waking up in the morning to have sex with him. It became a chore. I told him that we might not be sexually compatible.

Sign 10: Calls You Nicknames Like Slut, Maid, Slave, Good Girl, Housewife, and His Pet Outside of the Bedroom

Me: “Pls don’t call me [my ethnicity, not his ethnicity] slut maid when we’re not having sex :(”

Him: “Why it’s funny I did before u were fine

U r mine”

Me: “I was never really fine with it before”

Him: “Too badd”

I admit, when I was first called these things I played along with it, but after I felt more and more disrespected and degraded I became uncomfortable with it and asked him to stop. But he wouldn’t.

He would ask me to be his pet, and the animal he used the most was a hamster. Maybe it was because I reminded him of a hamster but when I found out the TRP glossary has a term called hamster which means “Used to describe the way that women use rationalization to resolve mental conflict and avoid cognitive dissonance” I was very disturbed.

Him: “i wish i could come home to c u in my house”

A few minutes later:

Him: “cooking dinner :D

b my housewife”

Me: “:/”

Him: “why not :(“

Me: “i don’t like how submissive that sounds”

Him: “dats not submissive

thats just bein my housewife”

Me: “why can’t you say wife why do you have to say housewife”

Him: “cuz its more caring for the family”

We had a discussion on why I didn’t like that in person. I said that I don’t think it’s a bad thing to be a housewife, that I acknowledge it’s a lot of work, but that I have a lot of pressure on me going to a good university and everything that to be a housewife the rest of my life would be a disappointment to some of my family and friends. He accepted this response, but said that it was pretty awesome how his ex’s dream was to be his housewife. She also did whatever he wanted and thought he was the most handsome guy in the world. I told him I was not his ex. What’s interesting was that his ex was this pretty traditional Asian girl and that a lot of Red Pillers want to be with Asian girls because they grow up with traditional views of the household and stay young-looking for a long time.

One time we took the Mojoupgrade test where couples fill out questionnaires on what sexual acts they’d be into because I always wanted to do this, but he was obsessed with the sexual act that said your partner has to be your slave 24/7 and he kept asking me to be his slave or telling me that I am his slave after I expressed I do not want this at all, this wasn’t what Mojoupgrade was meant to do.

Sometimes when we’d part from each other he’d say “be a good girl!” as if I’m going to cheat or something:

Him: “ugh that thing u gotta accept it doesnt mean that its like talking to a baby”

Me: “Yeah cuz it’s just your humor right oh hahaha so funny”

Him: “its part of me liking u being cute its fucked that u treat it that way it means u think that way its such a harmless thing to say to me that phrase is so important my mom said it to me all the time as a kid i should have the right to say it to you in an endearing way”

When I read the TRP believes women are children this stopped being cute to me.

As a result of this, I asked him to stop calling me a slut and bitch and slave during sex because I felt like he didn’t respect me outside of the bedroom.

Another favorite phrase of his was “you are mine” which at first I thought was really sweet but over time felt possessive.

He told me this is normal in relationships and how you have banter like this or something but I told him I don’t want to be a slave, or a maid, I just want to be his equal.

Sign 11: Asks or Tells You To Do Things For Him

This should be normal and a nice thing to do for your significant other in a relationship, but after everything else, this was too much for me.

He would ask me to get water for him or massage him, and after I did that he would tell me “good girl”. Too often what he said would remind me of the lyrics to “Blurred Lines”, like “I know you want it”.

On top of that, he would ask me to call him by his childhood nickname but his childhood nickname was Master [his last name]. Again, I refused many times. But he said it was just his childhood nickname, no harm, it’s for fun. He was hurt I wouldn’t say it.

Him: “I wanna dress u up as a maid and watch u clean my room half naked and then start raping u as a reward”

The rape comments didn’t phase me at first because it was a sexual fantasy of mine I had expressed to him but as time passed I was actually scared he would rape me, but he never did actually rape me (no false rape accusations here, just to be clear). At the beginning of our relationship I organized his room because I wanted to do something nice and because I would be spending a lot of time in there. But then he kept wanting me to clean his room.

Him: “Clean my room and make me oatmeal and then sit in front of me with a smile on Ur face and handjobs and Ill cum so harddd”

Him: “next time u need to clean my room and be like ohh babey its so hot better take this off

i want u 2 be all hot and sweaty and then ill be like ohhhbabbbbyy u want somethin 2 drink and suck my dick”

I didn’t want to clean his room anymore unless he helped me.

But it wasn’t just cleaning his room.

It was also folding his laundry.

It was also cooking.

One time I was hungry so he made me a grilled cheese as I watched him. Then after he made it he said that now I knew how to make him grilled cheeses.

I was afraid he was trying to turn me into one of those women in /r/redpillwomen self-described as: “This is a spot for like-minded Women to objectively and realistically discuss sexual strategy from an anti-feminist, non-feminist, traditionalist and/or evolutionary psychology perspective. Our focus is on long-term goals that bring long-term happiness”.

I know I would be happy to cook, clean, and do laundry with someone who would do the same or something equivalent for me. But I didn’t get that vibe from him until he changed his rhetoric later on that he would help me clean his room. That he would cook while I would do the dishes. Something that was more of a partnership. But by then it was too late.

Sign 12: He Doesn’t Want to Have a Daughter (Because He Doesn’t Want to Be Ashamed of Her)

That’s when I realized I could not raise kids with him.

Sign 13: Says AWALT

One time he tripped on some research chemicals and called me on the phone.

I forgot exactly what he said I wish I had written it down but it went something along the lines of: Women and men are so different the distinction is so clear to me and you’ll never understand what being a man is like.

And I had caught snippets of this throughout our friendship/relationship. “Oh, it’s ok for you to take selfies because you’re a girl.” “You can’t say that you’re a girl”. “You can’t talk to girls about this stuff because they always get upset”. Some variation of all women are like that.

Him: “goddam it this is futile :(

i dont wanna explain evolutionary theory to you

i thought you were logical

but youre still just a girl

its too hard”

Me: “Fuck you you think you know how girls work so well but you don’t you fucking don’t”

Him: “this is why i dont talk about it”

Me: “If you knew how girls really thought”

Him: “i thought you understood when we were fwbs or watever”

Me: “Well I guess I’m just illogical huh. Fuck you for thinking so low of me”

Him: “im not thinking low of you its just a guy girl difference. i think very highly of you”

Me: “And you say it like. Girls are so illogical. Like all of us. Fuck that

‘I thought you were logical but you’re just a girl’

That’s SO disrespectful

Even if you think ‘very highly of me’ you still think that you know more than me therefore that you’re above me and I’m lower”

Him: “no thats not how it works its just different”

Sign 14: Determines Your Sexual Market Value

He often joked about how my prime was right now while his prime was later on in life, something I then read constantly on TRP.

Me: “R u into pregnant women”

Him: “nah thats gros”

Me: “I think pregnant women r hot”

Him: “ew”

Me: “Their boobs get bigger and they have this glow”

Him: “no they dont they lose their youth their nipples become gross and they shrivel up and die to motherhood”

Me: “Loooooool My goal is to be milf so hopefully that won’t happen 2 me”

Him: “gl i think u have about 6 more years”

TRP defines a woman’s sexual market value (SMV) not just on her youth, but also on her partner count.

Five months after we first had that conversation on my partner count, he brought it up again.

Me: “I don’t feel the same way about my bf’s partner count. But you’re gonna say something about how girls and guys are different”

Him: “yes it is different

tldr for men sex is much harder to get. for women its easier for biological reasons therefore selectivity in women is a lot more special

thats why id rather you have had several relationships than fucking random people

when i think about you i just think how many things have been inside u

do u not understand how it makes it hard for me to treasure you

men dont want to be part of a used playground thats at least the analogy

do you understand will this convince you to be more shameful…and understanding…”

Me: “I cannot change my past. I am not ashamed of my past you can’t change that. I told you five months ago that. If this still bothers you you need to figure it out. What’s a shame to me is that your fixation on this would ruin our relationship. I understand your point of view but I don’t share the same view. It’s okay we have different opinions on this. But if this is so important to you maybe you need to be with someone who shares your point of view”

Him: “were most of the guys u fucked one time things”

Me: “i think so”

Him: “you realize they all remember that and if they see you they think yeah i fucked that”

Me: “well i think the same way about them”

Him: “no its different

guys fuck girls

girls get fucked”

Him: “thats bad that makes ur value lower ur treated as a playground by everyone do u not understand that do u not get that guys dont want to be in a relationship with playgrounds it makes you seem lower in value

why cant u understand this and change for me

u shouldnt open urself up to everyone like that

u should respect urself more because a woman’s value is very directly linked to her low count”

Him: “when im with u i think ur so special then those ideas haunt me because u cant be special if uve done all this

uve sucked 20 dicks for gods sakes

how can u not change for me and understand this u should be ashamed for me… because u love me

are u really not willing to change u dont understand how much value my commitment is because of this u dont value my committment how can u say u love me if u dont understand this and arent ashamed of what u did”

Him: “u fucked up not realizing that devalues u

chastisty is important for women it gives them more value

are u going to change for me

dont u tell me if this ends ur gonna keep doing that

and u should feel ashamed for what u did… for my sake..”

Him: “are u willing to change for me and understand u should be ashamed of what u did…because u sold urself like that?”

Him: “if u love me why dont u feel ashamed u want me to accept all the cocks uve sucked i already know it u think i should be happy with that?

i can accept u but u need to change ur thinking and feel ashamed for me”

When I talked about this with my friends, one of them mentioned that what he said sounded a lot like The Red Pill. Being a Reddit user, I had heard about TRP but never delved too deep in it. And that’s when I discovered everything, including used playground == cock carousel.

A few days ago I asked /r/TheBluePill, a satire subreddit about TRP, what are signs that a guy is a Red Piller. A Red Piller actually answered back: “I think you’re not afraid of dating a redpiller, you’re afraid of dating a bad redpiller.”

When I asked him to elaborate what the difference was between a red and bad redpiller was he said: “A guy who reads TRP properly and is a good person will do everything they can to hide those facts”.

I replied: “Yeah, I’m still really uncomfortable with someone hiding those facts. I think I’m lucky my ex was so bad at hiding those facts actually otherwise I would’ve never known what he really thought about me and women.”

And so in publishing this I imagine that TRP will be especially more cautious about revealing their beliefs to women but I wanted to raise awareness of this issue because I don’t want it to be hidden. Because I want to tell the TRP that TRP ruined our relationship, a relationship I believe could have flourished otherwise because even though I highlighted all the bad here, we shared our good moments. Moments which also discouraged me from breaking up with him sooner. This is a failed Red Pill Example.

After I broke up with him, he sent me these messages:

Him: “The main reason is that I’d constantly obsess over certain readings of evolutionary biology without really paying attention to what my own damn feelings were, and they’d get mixed up. I’d prioritize that like a goddam bible. But it was contradictory. What I read told me the reason the past is important is because it gauges how prone your partner might be to cheating on you. Yet, I knew in the top of my head that there was no way you’d ever cheat on me.”

Him: “The truth is, the reason I did this is because I was convinced, especially by the Internet, that this is how it’s ‘supposed to be’, that if you don’t also do that that this relationship might not be healthy.”

Him: “I am so, so sorry. After writing this, I realize most of the problems were in the same category. The constantly requesting more sex than you want, the always asking you to do things in a subservient manner, and seemingly trying to mold you into something you aren’t. For one, I wasn’t seriously listening to your heart when it was screaming at me that it didn’t want this. I wasn’t able to grasp the severity of what you thought of anything. I didn’t take you seriously enough. I just somehow thought that, despite the many pleas for me to stop, that it wasn’t as important as you really thought it was. I am so, fucking sorry.”

Him: “I was too selfish here in imposing my stupid mixed up views with the Internet to get a really holistic understanding of how your heart felt. The worst part is, almost all of this, I didn’t do out of my own personal values, I did mainly because I’m fixated on some external, internet-defined model of a relationship. I did all of this because I thought if I didn’t, an unconscious part of you would not like me as much, despite the conscious part of you seeming like doing that would make you like me more.”

Him: “All of this… It’s been under a mask which really isn’t me. This is the person I’ve created with regards to stupid opinions that aren’t in align with mine. The real me isn’t that pushy, the real me isn’t convinced that you should be subservient.”

Him: “Most of the shitty things in the relationship came from false pretenses that I’ve become too obsessed with, mainly because I felt like if I didn’t do them I was myself killing the relationship. I know this isn’t true now, especially since the exact opposite has seemed to kill the relationship.”

To my ex: if you’re reading this, I wish that I could have told you that you had nothing to be insecure about. I wish I had known about TRP earlier so that I could identify it earlier and let you read Every Man Should Know Why The Red Pill Will Kill You Inside, which /u/TalShar describes more eloquently than I ever could. I wish I could have shown you that you didn’t have to be stoic and emotionless around me, that I would still want to be with vulnerable you. I want you to know I don’t think you’re a bad person, just that you followed a bad path, and I believe that one day you will have truly broken away from that path, and can share your story with /r/exredpill. And I want you to know that I don’t regret trying out our relationship, because not only did I learn and grow a lot from it, but because I enjoyed being with you, when you showed me the person you really are, the person under the mask. I forgive you, I hope you can forgive yourself.

And to the Red Pillers: I would take a blue pilled, beta cuck over any of you any day.

To end, I’m going to leave a paragraph from /u/TalShar’s post linked above: