Before I begin, I want to offer a disclaimer: This is not an anti-Mormon post. I love, believe, and support the Gospel of Jesus Christ, which in essence promotes love of all people above everything else. Whatever those imperfect members of the church do or say, Christ’s love transcends. I fully believe that.

So let’s talk. We will begin this next saga back in Anaheim, California. It’s hot – upwards of 110 degrees with massive heat waves coming in from the South. I was a wee young lass with a spring in my step, back before I pulled my back muscle and permanently ruined my hip. I drank a lot of Dr. Pepper to keep me going, and I was a walking artificial energizer bunny. Like before, it doesn’t matter what point in my mission this was, or the specific area, or the specific names. What matters is that you read this story with an open heart and an open mind.

My companion and I were teaching a teenaged girl, we’ll call her Cami. Cami was a good person with a hard life. She was hesitant to our message at first, but began to slowly make and keep commitments. She started coming to church, though fairly irregularly. My companion and I adored Cami. We adored her because during every lesson we were able to see more and more of her soul. We would meet in a park, or sometimes at the nearest fast food restaurant, and she would talk to us about school and about her friends and her frustrations with family. She was confused about how a God that supposedly loved His children would let so many bad things happen to people, and we had many tear-filled discussions about our own lives and the specific trials we all learned to overcome. We joked and laughed just as much as we taught, which was exactly what she needed. Cami wanted friends to care about her more than she needed two strangers telling her to believe in Jesus.

We were sitting on the grass one day talking about school and drama and stupid friends when Cami told us that she was bisexual. At that moment, she was dating a boy, but she had dated girls in the past and was open to dating girls in the future. My companion and I weren’t fazed by this information. She had hinted at things before, but we had never discussed it openly. She explained to us that it was a hard thing for her to come to terms with, and that she hadn’t told her family or friends yet because she didn’t know if they were going to treat her differently. We talked to her about the core of Christ’s Gospel, which is love and acceptance for all of God’s children, and told her that we didn’t see her any differently. There was no doubt in our minds that her family and friends would be just as loving and accepting of her as they always had been. Both my companion and I explained to her that being bisexual doesn’t make you a bad person, or any less worthy of Christ’s love. We told her she could talk to us at any point and that we would be there for her when she needed us. We didn’t report this information to any of the church leaders because we strongly believed it was no one’s business. We continued to meet with Cami and teach her the Gospel, and she continued to progress.

A few weeks after Cami first talked to us, we learned that there was going to be a baptism in our stake. We quickly texted Cami and invited her to come watch with us, and she said she would try to attend. She didn’t have a car, though, so she needed a ride. We texted our Ward Mission Leader, we’ll call him Brother X, who said somewhat reluctantly that he would pick her up. After the baptism, my companion and I talked to Cami for a while. She had been fighting with her boyfriend and wasn’t in the best head space, so we offered her some words of encouragement and gave her a hug goodbye. Once again, we emphasized that she could text us if she needed anything. We left feeling excited that she had come to the baptism and happy for the steps she was taking in her life.

A few days after the baptism, we showed up to our Ward Correlation Meeting, which is where the missionaries talk to the Ward Mission Leader about what work had been done that week. The room seemed more awkward than usual when we walked in, which I honestly didn’t think was possible due to the strained relationship we already had with Brother X for many different reasons. My companion and I sat down at the table and started to talk with Brother X and his wife. We reported on our work, asked for help when help was needed, and went through all the usual steps of the meeting. As our section of the discussion drew to a close, Brother X closed his book and shuffled around a little bit.

“Sisters, we need to talk.” He said.

My companion and I looked at each other in confusion. “Ok?”

There was a long pause, where he looked at his wife for support, then back at us. “Sisters… How long do you think a hug is supposed to last?”

“Excuse me?” My companion replied.

“On Sunday, at the baptism. You both hugged Cami. Don’t you think that was inappropriate?” He prodded.

I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. “You’re not serious. Why would that be inappropriate?”

He was dead serious. “I don’t know whether or not you Sisters know this, but Cami… Well, she likes girls.”

“We’re aware. What does that have to do with anything?” My companion questioned indignantly.

Brother X looked at us accusingly. “If you were aware that she likes girls, don’t you think it was inappropriate to hug her?”

“No?” I was beyond annoyed at this point.

Sister X decided to chime in. “Sisters, please. You may be thinking you are doing the right thing by spending time with Cami, but believe us. All you’re doing is leading her on. It’s not appropriate to hug a lesbian as missionaries. She isn’t here to get baptized. She is here because she has a crush on you both.”

We couldn’t believe what was actually happening! My companion took over speaking after a long pause. “We… aren’t leading her on.”

“Believe me, you are. Every time you spend time with her, you are leading her on.” Brother X stated.

There was a tense silence. My companion and I sat staring at Brother and Sister X with what must have been the most disgusted looks on our faces, and they stared back at us with smug smirks. No doubt in their mind they were doing what they believed was best, but my companion and I could hardly believe what we were hearing! I can’t even remember how the conversation closed that night. I’m assuming we said some fake words behind gritted teeth that we figured would appease them and promptly left to go vent out our feelings in our car. It’s safe to say it wasn’t our favorite Ward Correlation.

A few days later, we got a call from the Stake High Councilman over Missionary Work, Brother Penn. He asked us if he could have a few minutes of our time this upcoming Sunday to discuss the missionary work in our ward. We were wary, considering the fact that we had never as much as heard this man’s name before, but we scheduled a time to meet with him. I don’t know why neither of us saw the actual reason for the meeting coming, but maybe it was a naïve belief that it truly would be about how our ward’s missionary work was doing and there were no ulterior motives.

That Sunday, we drove to the stake center and wandered our way around for a while until we found Brother Penn. He invited us into an empty office, and asked us to take a seat. We pulled out old wooden chairs from underneath a long, menacing table, shivering from either nerves or the weirdly high air conditioning that was blasting through the building. Brother Penn closed the door behind him and sat down. He politely asked us our names, where we were from, and how long we had been on the mission. My companion and I answered in short, uneasy sentences. Neither of us were too fond of fake friendliness. Brother Penn caught on to that quickly, and finally got straight to the actual point of the meeting.

“Sisters, I called you here because we got a report from an outside source that you have been engaging in some inappropriate behavior with a lesbian investigator.”

You’ve got to be kidding me.

Brother Penn continued, “The outside source told the Stake President, who found the reports very alarming. I was sent to talk to you both about appropriate conduct between missionaries and investigators.”

This time, my companion and I couldn’t even look at each other. We just looked straight ahead at Brother Penn. This was ridiculous. This was sickening. Was this even allowed??

My companion sighed. “First, Cami is bisexual. She is not a lesbian. Second, there is no place that is says we can’t hug peo—”

“Sisters, Cami likes girls. And you hugging her made others uncomfortable enough that they reported it to the Stake.” Brother Penn stated firmly.

I continued to stare at Brother Penn with a laser gaze. “Interesting.”

Brother Penn continued on, now not even making strong eye contact with either of us. “As a Stake we have met and discussed your…situation, and we decided that in order to preserve the reputation of the Church, you’re not allowed to meet with Cami without either your Bishop or Brother X present at all lessons.”

“Brother X? Really?” I responded.

“What about the Young Women’s Leader? Or Relief Society President? Or just another member in general?” My companion asked.

Brother Penn shook his head. “It can only be one of those two. If they can’t make it, you could call me. But it must be one of us. It must be a trustworthy Priesthood leader.”

We left the meeting in more of a daze than the first meeting with Brother X. As we walked back to our car, all I could hear was the replaying of Brother Penn’s words in my ears:

Preserve the reputation of the Church.

Open the car door.

Preserve the reputation of the Church.

Close the car door.

Preserve the reputation of the Church.

Turn on the engine.

Preserve the reputation of the Church.

Shift the car into drive.

Preserve the reputation of the Church.

And we drove. We drove all the way back home and then sat on the ground of our apartment for hours. We may or may not have thrown a few pencils at some walls. We talked about what in the living hell it meant to “preserve the reputation of the Church” as if teaching someone who was openly bisexual was tarnishing some holy gate surrounding the perfect Mormon members. I cried. We laughed bitterly about the fact that Brother X found it necessary to report us to the Stake President, and that the Stake President found it necessary to send Brother Penn to correct our unrighteous ways of teaching any and all of God’s Children who would listen. But at the end of the day, we knew that there was nothing we could really do but obey these orders, if only for the sole purpose of maintaining good missionary rapport within the stake.

We tried multiple times to set up lessons with Cami, but every time we attempted, none of the three men were available. We had to keep cancelling on Cami, which made her frustrated at us for flaking out on her. Brother X informed our ward counsel that we were “flirting with an investigator to get her baptized” so many of our dinners with members ended in questions regarding Cami and her real intentions. It was frustrating and confusing. It felt like we were at war with our ward and stake leaders when all we were doing was fighting to be understood. A biased report from one man had landed us between a rock and a hard place, and there was nothing we could do. If we complied with the Stake’s rules, we ended up cancelling all our lessons with Cami. If Brother X ever did end up coming, we knew it wouldn’t end well because he very obviously didn’t like her. If we went behind our Priesthood leaders’ backs and taught Cami without one of them there, we were disobeying direct orders. Who knew what would happen if they ever found out about the meetings – most likely more false rumors would be spread about our intentions and we would end up wounding member trust even deeper. At one point, we asked Brother X if teaching her at the local McDonald’s would be acceptable enough since none of them could make the lesson, and he informed us that meeting in a public restaurant would “give people the impression that the three of you are on a date.”

Frustrated, we resorted to the only thing we figured could give both Cami and us a fair chance in this situation. We called the Elders serving in the neighboring Young Single Adult ward and told them the situation. We asked if we could pass Cami to them, because somehow two elders teaching her wasn’t as alarming as two sisters in the leaders’ eyes. They agreed (probably when they saw how incredibly stressed we were by the whole situation). A few weeks later, they reported that the YSA bishop wouldn’t allow them to teach her anymore because she wasn’t YSA age. They passed her back to the elders that they transferred into our ward. Brother X promptly informed them of her history, and let them know that at no point would Cami be allowed to spend time with us sisters. At one point, they told the elders they couldn’t bring her to a baptism of ours because they didn’t want her in the same room as us.

Cami eventually dropped the missionaries. Was it due to the fact that she had been passed around from missionary to missionary? One has no idea. Could her feelings of distaste towards the Church have come from the cold treatment she got from Brother and Sister X every time they talked to her? Possibly. No definitive proof can be shown. But what I do know is that the way Cami was treated took away her agency, or freedom to choose whether the Gospel of Jesus Christ was right for her. She was unfairly treated, as were we, based on a biased observation from someone who had judged her prematurely. Cami had never confessed her love to us. She never told anyone else she had feelings for either my companion or I either. If she had, standard precautions would have been taken just as in any situation where there is a confession of feelings towards a missionary. Brother X just assumed that because she was bisexual, she had to be in love with us. Cami had been progressing. She was keeping her commitments and doing all the things we asked her to do. She was growing closer to Christ every day. Men who had no personal relationship with her decided that her intent wasn’t real, and that the only way she was meeting with us was because of romantic feelings. This, my friends, is prejudice.

Now I want you to think back to our conversation with Brother Penn. Think back to his words. “In order to preserve the Reputation of the Church…” Is this the reputation we want preserved, one where we deny missionaries from teaching investigators due to sexual orientation? Or race? Or political affiliation? Do we keep those around us at arm’s length, looking for any excuse to prove their intents aren’t pure? Are we our peers’ righteousness watchdogs? I, for one, don’t wish for that reputation to be preserved.

I know what many of you may be thinking. Aren’t I making brash generalizations about the members of the Church as a whole when this was just one extremely odd experience? Sadly, though we may not wish to see it, prejudice is widespread. Just think, in my situation alone, the bias transferred from Brother and Sister X to the stake president to Brother Penn. That’s four people, none of whom saw a problem in banning missionaries from teaching a bisexual girl without their strict supervision. Four out of Four. That’s 100% of the people involved in making the decision to aid us in “preserving the reputation of the Church.” Three men claimed to use Priesthood Keys to ban us from teaching a child of God. No one stopped them.

Later on, I told my Mission President of the incident. Ironically, I had operated under the incorrect assumption that he knew of the restrictions and had let the Stake do as they wished. I was completely wrong. When I informed him of the situation, he was taken completely off guard. You see, the stake doesn’t actually have authority to control who missionaries teach. If a judgment call needs to be made, it should come through our Mission President. In frustration, he shook his head and exclaimed, “Who gave them the idea that they could tell you who you can and cannot teach? Missionaries can teach whoever is willing to listen!”

Brother X was later reprimanded for his actions, both in falsely accusing us of flirting with Cami to get her baptized and then repeatedly spreading these false accusations to any new missionaries that entered the ward, tarnishing our reputations with the missionaries and the ward. He was ordered to apologize to my companion and me. He never did.

I, for one, think about Cami every day. I think of how unfairly the world has treated her because of who she is and who she loves. I think of how much she needed us, and all we accomplished together. I remember the nights we talked about forgiveness and the Atonement of Jesus Christ. We told her that everything He suffered was for her. We explained to her that everyone in the world was given His gift. I then think of the fact that Cami was treated as if she didn’t deserve the very same love we had talked to her so much about. She was shunned as if she was some pariah who would only make steps towards God if it was a lie to get her closer to the Sister Missionaries. I think of the fact that she may forever live her life feeling that she was not accepted by the Church. Then I think about the fact that there are many Camis in the world today. There are so many of our brothers and sisters that live their lives feeling the prejudice and discrimination of those of us who claim to love as Jesus loves. I think of those who have been kicked out of their homes, or have taken their own lives in the wake of biased feelings.

I think about the fact that people don’t have to feel this way. Prejudice doesn’t have to win. We can change the way we treat other people. We can look at people as human beings instead of judging based on sexual orientation, or ethnicity, or political orientation. We can love without conditions. And, for those of us who are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we can create a new reputation. One that invites and celebrates people with differences. One that sees diversity as growth. Let us create a culture of ultimate love and acceptance.

Now that’s a reputation I’d be happy to preserve.