Day 15: Early Morning Blues

It's 6:30 in the morning.

I'm never up at 6:30 in the morning.

Why am I up at 6:30 in the morning?

Oh right, it's because three days ago, I did a really shitty thing and I have to make up for it. And also because I haven't been sleeping well anyway since the words in that damn letter keep running through my head.

I've given Elsa her space- even more than before- but I'm impatient and I need to know what the hell's going through her head. So I'm up. I'm awake, barely, and sitting right in front of her door and waiting until she's awake so that we can talk. I know she's a hardcore morning person and that her brain is fully functional even at this ungodly hour, but does she wake up this early? For all I know, she won't be up for another hour. Or two.

This wouldn't be happening if Elsa would stop avoiding me so we can talk about what happened on Friday. This also wouldn't be happening if I just respected her privacy and not read the letter- addressed to me- in the first place. This also wouldn't be happening if Elsa would have said: "I love you too".

Okay fine, I'm trying to take the blame off myself. I know I'm in the wrong here, I just…ugh, can I just be right for once? Just once?!

The only way I can think to even make up for what I did would be to talk things out with her. But our schedules are so misaligned- and, you know, she's ignoring me- that it's not happening. So I set five alarms, ballparked a good time that morning people usually wake up, and parked it right in front of her door. At least I have coffee and a bagel, thanks to 24/7 room service.

Look, I really do want to apologize to her. Yes, the letter was written for me but if she didn't personally give it to me, then I didn't have any right reading it. It's like finding your Christmas present too early and opening it. Sure it was for you, but you miss out on the whole giving part which is like half the fun of getting a Christmas present. Of course, I wouldn't know how that feels since my step-mom gave me the same shitty present every year anyway: a $5 gift card to Starbucks.

I wouldn't have wanted that letter as a present exactly, but still. Privacy is privacy. There's a difference between her not telling me something I want to hear, and me barging into her room and trying to get those answers myself. In short, I admit that I was a bitch. In this situation.

I still think I'm right about all the other stuff.

It's been...shit, I don't know how long anymore. I left my phone in my room and I'm too lazy to get it. My butt's getting numb, and I've already drunk half my coffee. But I'm committed to this, half-asleep but committed.

Maybe if I went back to my room but kept my door open, I could at least hear when she wakes up and just come out of my room then. Or maybe I have enough time to call room service again and get Elsa some coffee and a breakfast sandwich. You know, as a peace offering. Or maybe I could-

BEEP

The front door. What the hell?

I'm up and out of my seat before it fully opens, and it's Elsa. I'm thankful that it's not a complete stranger who also happens to have a key to our room, but I'm also confused. How is she already up? And how long has she been awake for? I mean, I'm already up, but still.

"Elsa! Hey, I uh...I got you…" I nudge my half-empty cup towards her, "I got you coffee."

She's wearing her old NMU hoodie, and the bags under her eyes are competing in size with the one on her shoulders. She looks like she just got done with an intense study session at the library. I remember coming over to her apartment with a cup of coffee and a box of mint cookies before every big test she had.

When she speaks, it's quiet and almost a mumble, "Why are you in front of my door?"

"I...I just thought that…" Fuck it, I'm just gonna be honest. "I wanted to apologize for barging in your room the other day. It was wrong, and I should have just waited to talk to you instead of reading your notebook."

"Yeah, you should have," she replies with a tone as cold as the A/C.

She doesn't say anything else. I get the sense from her messing with the end of her braid, and looking back and forth between me and her door, that she doesn't want to talk.

"You...probably want to get in your room, huh?" I ask just to be safe.

"Yeah…"

Well this is going horribly, but I can't have her leave just yet. I did not wake up at 6 in the fucking morning just to have a ten-second conversation.

"Why are you up so early?" I ask. And so does she, at the same time that I do. We both stand still, waiting to see who will reply first, but I already know how this game is going to end. Elsa rubs her eyes with the palm of her hand, "I was at this diner, doing some writing."

"Oh. How'd that go?" That's a new change of scenery for her.

"Good."

"Oh, good."

"Yeah."

"So how long have you been up?"

"I've been awake since 3."

"Wow, that's like two hours after I went to sleep."

"Oh, that's cool."

"Yeah."

"Yeah…"

"I…" Nothing. I've got nothing, literally no words that I could say and make them come out of my face. Literally nothing. What is wrong with me? I talked this big game, told myself I had this master plan to get Elsa to talk to me, and now that I have her attention, I've got nothing worthwhile to say. Every question I have for her dies before it reaches my lips, like my mind has given up before I can even formulate the words. What's the point of asking anything anyway if Elsa won't do more than the bare minimum in this conversation? She's a morning person, this shouldn't be that hard. But it is, and I hate it.

Elsa's looking at her feet, not even bothering to meet my eyes, "Could I please go in my room now? I'm really tired."

"I thought you were a morning person."

"Not right now, I'm not."

Ouch.

This is pointless. Whatever talk I wanted to have with her isn't happening right now. I concede defeat by moving out of the way and putting my chair back in the kitchen. She's standing where I just was, and she's looking at me straight-faced, but her eyes have a pang of sadness in them that you wouldn't be able to pick up unless you dated her for two years.

"Thanks," she mutters while giving me a fake, half-hearted smile.

Part of me knows that this will most likely be the last time I see her today, maybe for the rest of the week, unless I say something. Which means it's now or never, Anna Reinhart, one last hail mary attempt.

"Elsa, wait."

But it's too late, her bedroom door's already closed. Just fucking great.

I sigh, "Nice going, Anna." With nothing else to do, I dump the rest of my coffee in the sink and walk back to my room. When I open my door, I hear Elsa reopen hers.

She looks around confused until she finally catches my eye, "Oh hey. Sorry, I...had to put my bag away." That shouldn't have taken so long, but whatever. "What is it?"

She's tired, really tired, and so am I if I'm being really honest with myself. I want to talk to her, but neither of us are in any shape to talk without our feelings getting in the way. Or rather, I'm not sure if my feelings will get in the way. But I have her attention, so I need to say something.

"Do you, uh...wanna do something today? After you get some sleep obviously."

Elsa squints her already half-lidded eyes. "Do something?" she asks with a mix of confusion and lethargy.

"Yeah. You know like maybe we can hang out and go somewhere. I'll let you pick the place too."

It looks like I've piqued her interest for a second, but that look goes away a second later. "Um, I actually have plans later today. Sorry."

"Oh." That might be a lie, I'm not sure. Elsa always had a knack for saying no without actually saying it. "Well how about tomorrow?"

I don't know why I asked that. If she didn't want to hang out today, I doubt she'd want to hang out tomorrow.

"Sure."

"Wow, really?" Holy shit, I need to go back to sleep. The caffeine is doing nothing, and my brain-to-mouth filter isn't working. It was surprising to hear her say sure, but I didn't have to question it. I should have just flashed my cutesy Anna smile and marched right back into my room. But instead, I questioned her, like a bumbling idiot. A sleep-deprived, privacy-invading, bumbling idiot.

Elsa just shrugs, "Yeah. I know it looks like I've been avoiding you lately- because I have- and I really want to stop doing that. Besides, there are more things I need to get off my chest, and I'm sure you have some more things to say too."

"I do, and I promise not to make you cry this time." I mentally slap myself, yet another thing I should have kept in my head.

I'm hoping Elsa just laughs that off, but she's taking too long to answer so that's likely not gonna happen. Instead, she frowns. "Don't make promises you can't keep," she replies, her voice faltering and shaky by the end.

Great job, you almost made her cry again.

"Sorry," I say. "Uh, you should probably get some sleep. And so should I."

Elsa nods.

"I'll talk to you later, okay?"

She hesitates and then nods again. At least I think she does, it may have been a trick of the light.

"See ya later."

"See ya."

When I get back to my room, it takes me less than five minutes to get back to sleep.

A/N: Not every chapter's gonna be as short as this one. Not every chapter's gonna be as long as this one either. Don't worry, the next one's a doozy.

...do people still say doozy?

Is that how you spell doozy?