Hello, fine people of the world!

A pretend-to-be phone game. When you think about it, it’s familiar ground. But isn’t it too familiar? I would say most of us are somewhat tired of the smartphones, so we try not to always have to go to them when not needed. It may be just me. At least for the sake of resolution.

Illustrations are pretty cool. The variety of sound effects and visual smoothness of the phone environment is well done.

Let’s meet, the popular demon name – Lilith, but, oh wait, she’s not a demon, just a chick on a dating app.

We start a conversation about her former boyfriend, not a great idea, but ok. Then on to cooking a vindictive, plot as she wildly gets the hots for us in between small talk.

She gets to a dark cellar, on a smartphone texting us. But apparently, she has no light whatsoever and can’t figure out if the thing she bumped into is a doorknob or something else. Not that you can’t figure this shit out in total darkness too.

Come on. It’s not too much to ask for basically decent writing.

Funny thing is that you can be sure that even the programmers didn’t write this, because being a coder requires a basic level of coherence among other things or none of your shit will ever work.

Whoever wrote this either hardly gives a shit about this project and is just kicking the barrel down the road. Or they lived on some other planet up until they had to drop on Еarth to pitch in with this story. Living on Мars made them miss the concept about suspension of disbelief or all the other storytelling 101 basics. Stuff that a person can pick up, even if all they’ve ever done is plumbing and cement work. So, even if they don’t understand how exactly good writing is done, they’ve spent enough after-work hours in bars to be able to spot bad storytelling when they see it.

You could say that the tits are more important than the details of make-belief text messaging, but that is the primary activity in this game. The tits are the bait used to force you through all the texting and waiting times, you only get to see them occasionally, so you don’t totally lose interest.

The game design is greedy in giving you multiple choices that are actually dummy/filler that don’t resolve anything. Then when you try again, in the next round they allow you to make the same dead choice, without any highlight showing what you did the previous time and it didn’t work. So get distracted for a second – screw you, waste your energy, the same way over and over again – we don’t care. 5$ and you’ll get more, don’t worry about it.

I may be wrong, but I think this game is going to phase out of existence like some of the other ones I’ve reviewed previously.

You may say that on a conscious level this is not a big deal. However, as we know, the human mind is far more than just consciousness and the odd stuff that keeps piling up is a momentum killer in more than just the pre-frontal cortex.

So not only are we getting sub-par writing quality in a mainly writing game, but an attitude problem to compliment that. Call me entitled if you will. I’m just not fond of people who are fine with wasting my time.

The text scrolling gets stuck occasionally, meaning nobody overdid the testing on this either.

A paywall hit pretty fast, but that’s kind of inevitable, given the format. With the quality of the writing, it’s not a big leap to assume the writer didn’t go overproductive and made tons of it, so the player has enough to keep busy, so they don’t get to bump into a paywall every 30 seconds.

And one of your girls’ name is “Industria”? Why don’t you go deeper and name her Cementia or Woodsawia, Bottlewashia or how about Internalcombustionengia? You are not respecting the fiction here, dudes. It’s your fiction, not mine, why do try so hard to get me out of it as much a possible? It makes no sense.

You can see why people like Booty Calls more. Because they went the extra mile to make something and didn’t stop at the bare minimum.

The physics part of the game makes it a bit clunky and hard to predict, which is annoying. It also has some performance issues. Might be because my machine is kind of loaded right now, but that shouldn’t be a dead end, rather a slowdown. If you want me to shut down the Photoshop or whatever, because the game is inoperable – people may be inclined to disagree more often. (Given that I just ran one of the far more feature complex web games on the same machine load)

Those dick, vagina things in the minigame are just weird and don’t fit thematically into anything.

It is a classic example of a good steak lost to an abundance of bad sauce. While you can scrape most of the sauce and skip to the meat, it is not something you can do in 7 Angels. You know, not except you dish out cash for every scrape motion and there is a lot of those waiting. A cash grab with little concern for the player’s experience.

I personally don’t have the patience for this. It is not quite demanding, so I imagine a lot of people are going to keep it in a browser tab and drop a few minutes every now and then. But it keeps kicking my ankles every time I try to immerse in the world/fiction, so I’m out.

You can find 7 Angels and other kinky games at Nutaku:

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