SAN FRANCISCO – Know what people really want when they turn 50? Some damn peace and quiet.



The Super Bowl turns 50 this week and the NFL will get some of that. At least more than they would have if the Patriots were here.



That two-point conversion gone awry in Denver ensured a nice, drama-free bacchanal of back-slapping and self-congratulation for the NFL.



No Brady. No Belichick. No Kraft. No prowling hordes of Patriots fans aiming their braying, honking accents when Roger and the fellas pop into view at Haight-Ashbury or Nob Hill.



It was close, though. I imagine the whole tribe at Park Avenue – not to mention another 30 or so owners – closed their eyes and pinched the bridge of their nose in unison when Brady found Gronk in the back of the end zone last week.



The stale exhale of relief when the deal was sealed that Peyton would be in San Francisco this week, not TFB had to be gale-force.



And now these suits that barnacled themselves to the hull of professional football will be able to get in and out of their luxury SUVs in peace and walk the sidewalks.



The Patriots would have been the turd in the punch bowl. The fart in church. A week of forced smiles, dead-fish handshakes and questions about whether Goodell was just plain evil or Satan himself. It would have been some entertainment.



“I was disappointed because I was looking forward to Tom Brady paying homage to Paul Crewe in The Longest Yard and going up to the commissioner with the Lombardi in hand and saying, ‘Stick this in your trophy case’ then walking away forever,” said Mike Florio, owner/operator of Pro Football Talk. “I remember what a big deal it was in the early 80s when the Raiders won the Super Bowl and Pete Rozelle had to hand the trophy over to Al Davis and how awkward it was then. Pre-internet. Pre-social media. Pre-talk radio. It would have been a lot more awkward for the league for Roger Goodell to be standing up there with Bob Kraft, Bill Belichick and Tom Brady and the league has to be very relieved that that scenario won’t unfold.”



Instead, the league’s longtime chosen one, Manning, is here. The ultimate pitchman is the guest of honor at the ultimate money grab. Settle in for the week-long tongue bath that will continue right through the game itself regardless of how Manning plays in what’s likely his “last rodeo.”



The staged “controversy” is going to center on whether white America is “scared” of Panthers quarterback Cam Newton, as Newton himself alleged.



Honestly, Newton is as scary as Spongebob. The biggest gripe anyone has – black, white or plaid – is with Newton’s interminable end zone celebrations in which he channels Superman, dabs and gives a football away to a kid.



That’s not exactly hide-the-children stuff.



Still, we’ll get a week of wondering why America is still so racially divided vis a vis a guy that sends exactly nobody to the fainting couch except a few lonely shut-ins who write letters to the editor down South about Cam not being sporting.



And that’s it. It’ll be a “nice” week.



It could have been so much more fun. Brady in Northern California – a stone’s throw from his hometown – with a shot at winning more Super Bowls than Montana and Bradshaw? That’s a storyline.



“The guys and gals who truly hate Tom Brady would prefer that he not be here,” said Florio. “Because then the ultimate negative experience for them is to see Brady and the Patriots with another Super Bowl. So they can be absolutely sure, there is no way the Patriots can win another one this year. This is a nice palate-cleanser for the Patriots haters out there.”



Nobody’s palate got dirtier in the last year than the NFL’s. So this is good for the league. It’ll have it feeling fresh for March 3 when they’re back in court with their appeal to try again to get Brady suspended for one-quarter of the 2016 season.