Activists Eliminate the Sermon from the Mount!

Mar 08, 2019

In Omaha, Nebraska, a group of modern activists eliminated the "mountain" from the Bible's Sermon on the Mount.

“Isn’t it about time,” said group member, Mary Olivia, during a passionate roundtable sharing circle. “This is not a statement on the contents of Jesus's sermon, but rather the delivery, especially how it relates to the 'disciplinarian father' pattern present in much of toxic masculinity. We don’t need someone barking orders, forcing us to swallow their opinion as if Gospel. We don’t need another Moses chiseling some stone and not listening at all.”

Mary's group is called The Committee for Inspired Listening. This 30-or-so member group are employed by a subdivision of the media conglomerate The Tilted Glass, America’s premiere source for those interested in Paradox Adjustment.

“After all, if you wish to teach someone to 'love thy neighbor,'” continued Mary, “you don’t bark orders at them, top down. You instill within them a spark of desire, bottom up. Many of the problems in this world are caused by people shoving their viewpoints down your throat off some random Mount. Get off your high horse already. Get in the ring.”

Many Christians were immediately taken aback at the elimination of these Biblical chapters. They claimed it was some 'salty twist,' an abomination to change the unchanging Word (New American edition). In fact, the most angry and vocal were those who just skimmed the headline, didn’t read Mary’s story, and just responded on The Tilted Glass’s Facebook's comment section saying they'll pray for these activists and went off on a one-way sermon saying that Mary has no business making her own Bible.

So we leave you with this quote from the Sermon Off the Mount, Matthew 5:13: “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.”