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The 15 Creepiest Vintage Ads Of All Time

Retro Comedy ^ | Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Posted on by the_devils_advocate_666

What do murder, pedophilia, suicide and a baby tiger have in common? They have all been used to sell stuff in these amazingly disturbing vintage ads!



These are real, untouched advertisements from the good old days. It doesn't matter if it's lovely ladies or adorable clowns, somehow these old-time ad wizards found ways to traumatize us while pedaling everyday products.



Enjoy them now, call your therapist later!



15. White Bread Demon

"Bread is swell, but what I'm really excited about is eating jelly made from the blood of the innocent!"





14. French Suicide Sausage

It's enough to make you want to eat Kosher forever.





13. A Girl Around The House

It's nice to have a girl around the house... especially if you are a psychopath serial killer who makes women into rugs!







12. Chubby

Who needs self-esteem when you can have a free fashion book for chubbies? Also, proving that advertising weight representation has always been screwed up, the girl pictured is totally not chubby.





11. Christmas Weapons

The family that guns together, has funs together.







10. Eye patch. Shirt. Baby Tiger.

Sexy?





9. Chase & Sandborn Spanking

She totally deserves it. Seriously, what kind of woman doesn't "store test" for fresher coffee?





8. Fry's Chocolate Nightmare

Nothing wants to make consumers buy chocolate more than 5 faces of a sickly kid looking 5 different shades of miserable.





7. Root Beer Baby!

Mama, please DO NOT give your baby another glass of Root Beer. It is clearly doing something horrible to him. He is terrifying.







6. Locked Out

You better wash out your privates with Lysol, or your husband will install cartoon locks on the door.





5. Pears Soap Disaster

"Pears Soap- now with such a soothing lather, you won't notice that your baby has gotten into a horrible accident!"





4. Postage Meter Murder

"Is it always illegal to kill a woman?" This is a truly important question and makes us want to buy a new postage meter.





3. Shave Yourself

The old man baby's gonna sing karaoke into a razor! Hooray!





2. Baby Soft

JonBenét Ramsey, eat your heart out. (Too soon?) This ad makes us want to scream, gouge out our eyes and then barf.





1. Chocolate Poulain

Drink that cocoa, or this clown will murder you in your sleep.





Special thanks to Weirdomatic, Livejournal & the fabulous Plan 59 !







TOPICS:

History

Humor

Society

Weird Stuff

KEYWORDS:

ads

advertising

creepy

disturbing

old

strange

Almost a month old but I didn't see it posted (search) and thought it would be a good Friday type of thread.



To: the_devils_advocate_666

mark



by 2 posted onby Former Proud Canadian (How do I change my screen name now that we have the most conservative government in the world?)

To: the_devils_advocate_666

BUMP! I am a BIG fan of Plan 59!



To: the_devils_advocate_666

WOW.....Just damn!



by 4 posted onby gimme1ibertee (Time to CLEAN HOUSE (AND Senate!!!) Kick their butts to the curb!!)

To: the_devils_advocate_666

bttt



by 5 posted onby petercooper (GOP: Big Tent Party??? Not if you are a CONSERVATIVE.)

To: the_devils_advocate_666

Some of those made me gasp — were they acceptable in society then? To show a man spanking his wife? A baby holding a razor? A tiger rug with a woman’s head and a man’s foot on it? Woah



To: the_devils_advocate_666

LOL! The #11 to #10 sequence makes sense.



Comment #8 Removed by Moderator

To: the_devils_advocate_666

by 9 posted onby Notary Sojac (I quit voting for RINOs when the GOP gave us Bob Dole. Have not voted for one since...)

To: Slings and Arrows

.....



by 10 posted onby KoRn (Department of Homeland Security, Certified - "Right Wing Extremist")

To: the_devils_advocate_666

OMG that Love’s Baby Soft ad! And the baby under the tub! WTH??



by 11 posted onby retrokitten (I want to rock your gypsy soul just like way back in the days of old...- Into the Mystic)

To: the_devils_advocate_666





To: SoftballMominVA

Some of those made me gasp  were they acceptable in society then? To show a man spanking his wife? Why even bother to have a wife if you can't spank her?



To: the_devils_advocate_666





Absolutely nothing wrong with this ad:

To: the_devils_advocate_666

This reminds me of the stuff on James Lilek’s site, http://www.lileks.com.



To: SoftballMominVA

I know! “Is it always illegal to kill a woman?” WTH????



by 16 posted onby retrokitten (I want to rock your gypsy soul just like way back in the days of old...- Into the Mystic)

To: the_devils_advocate_666

I don’t think the root beer ad is that bad.



by 17 posted onby nuconvert ( Khomeini promised change too // Hail, Chairman O)

To: SoftballMominVA

I used to have a copy of the Chase and Sanborn "Store Test" ad hanging on my bulletin board at work, but the HR weenies made me take it down. They just don't understand irony...



by 18 posted onby bondjamesbond (Don't blame me... I voted for PALIN!)

To: the_devils_advocate_666





14, 13, 8, 5, 2, and 1 are disturbing or just bizarre...especially #'s 2 and 13, but the rest are just consistent with feelings at the time they were published. How many times did Rick Ricardo spank Lucy?

The chubby section was where I did pretty much all of my shopping when I was a kid, it was considered an inoffensive way of alluding to fat kids.

What's wrong with a BB gun? Daisy used to be one of the most respected trademarks in America. It is unfair to judge old ads by today's standards.



As for the foreign ads, well...there's no accounting for foreigners.

Okay, I'll bite.14, 13, 8, 5, 2, and 1 are disturbing or just bizarre...especially #'s 2 and 13, but the rest are just consistent with feelings at the time they were published.It is unfair to judge old ads by today's standards.As for the foreign ads, well...there's no accounting for foreigners.

by 19 posted onby Sudetenland (Without God there is no freedom, for what rights man can give, he can take away.)

To: SoftballMominVA

You have to read the fine print to appreciate this #6. Click on the image to get a larger view (I couldn’t seem to get it to post here).



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