Postby 1731298478 » Fri Jan 28, 2011 8:21 pm

Well, here's my attempt at translating the relevant section. This conversation is a bit beyond my capacity, so expect mistakes. Please keep that in mind. I've included the scanned images as well; any corrections or suggestions would be very much appreciated.



Many thanks once again to Ilari for the scans and to LiLi for hosting them.



One note: I have the impression that the Japanese psychological terms don't correspond very closely to the English terms sometimes used to render them. However, I don't have the background to know more about this.



http://img41.imageshack.us/img41/593/41230819.jpg

http://img194.imageshack.us/img194/782/44224485.jpg

http://img442.imageshack.us/img442/4945/83711814.jpg



---



--- Nobi-san was reduced to tears by Episode 14. How [did you compose] Rei's monologue?



Anno: I had intended to recap the series in the first half of the episode. When I did the second half, I had long forgotten to explore what sort of person Rei was, so [I believed] it was necessary to develop her.



The script for episode 16 had been written before that. At first I had planned [a scenario where] Shinji and the angel would make "first contact," but I wasn't able to pull it off.



In the original conception, the languages of various countries and the cries of various animals and miscellaneous noises would appear on the screen; [selecting from] among these, the angel would finally hit upon Japanese. When this happens, there is a sharp noise, an image [suddenly] fills [the screen], and [the angel] asks if this is right for [Shinji's] thought-language or thought-patterns; it would have started from there.



--- That's really cool.



Anno: As far as that goes, I thought it was fine, but then when [the angel] speaks Japanese that was the end of it. Kaworu-kun had been prepared as a "human type" [angel] from the start, and I wanted to hold on to the idea of [an angel] conversing in human language until then. When I wondered, well, what will [Shinji] do after he gets taken into the angel, I wondered if this might be [his] chance for self-reflection. Episode 16's "inner space"-like environment was the first [of that sort]. That went relatively smoothly.



When it came to Rei, I was completely blocked. I couldn't write anything at all. I had intended to make Rei a schizophrenic (分裂症的) character, but when I tried to write, I couldn't think of anything - nothing at all. Finally, I thought, when writing madness, one has no choice but to become mad. At that time I consulted a bit with my friends. When I asked if there was something composed by a madman, I was loaned a "Bessatsu Takarajima" [1] volume on mental illness. It was an "easy and reasonable" book [イージーでリーズナブルな本] (laughs), but inside it there was a poem written by a madman. That was extremely good. When I read the poem I had a strong impression, as though this was the first time that I had come close. I had a feeling like a light glinting upon the tip of a sharp knife. It was certainly not the feeling of an ordinary man. That was good. If I think about it now, this sort of 'capacity' was [already] within me (laughs). [??2] It's mad to believe that the writings of a madman are of the highest quality. I read that [poem] and was filled with images; I was able to write [Rei's monologue] in one sitting.



It's alleged that [the monologue] was based upon another text, but in all honesty, that's not so. There was something that inspired it, but it was completely different. It's alleged that it strongly resembles someone's poem, and it that it was probably copied from it, but, "Ah, well, that man is probably crazy too" (laughs). It seems to be a famous poem. Being able to write something to the extent that it's said to be the same, I can't help thinking, "Don't I have talent, too?" (laughs) [3]



After the television broadcast finished, I became worse and worse, and went to see a doctor. I even seriously contemplated death. It's like [I] was empty, with no meaning to [my] existence. Without the slightest exaggeration, I had put everything I had [into Evangelion]. Really. After that finished I realized that there was nothing [left] inside of me. When I asked [the doctor?] about it afterwards, [he said?] "Ah, that is an 'identity crisis' (self-collapse) [自我崩壊]." [4] It was a sensation as though I had taken something like extremely bad LSD. I was told, "It's amazing that you were able to do that without medication." Yeah, now, I feel very fortunate (laughs). [5] In order to determine whether or not I really wanted to die, I went up to the rooftop of this building (the GAINAX building) and stuck my foot out, waiting to lose my balance and fall forward. I did it to personally determine [whether I wanted to live or die], [thinking,] if I really want to die, I should die here, and if I don't want to die, I'll step back. Well, it didn't lead to my death, and so I'm here.



At first I was manic, but I rapidly developed a severe depression. I wouldn't leave my office at work; I would leave only to use the bathroom, and I would almost never eat meals. A dilemma suddenly arose: I didn't want to encounter other people, and yet I did want to encounter other people.



I don't return home [at the end of the day], because the time and effort spent returning is bothersome. I just stay overnight here all the time; I don't return home more than a few times in a year. At work, when I go to the bathroom, I go across the studio, I have to encounter people. I just wanted to think by myself, so I returned home for the first time in many months. My bed is never made, so there's nothing to do but crawl into it. When I took my clothes off and lay down - I can't put it any other way than extraordinarily terrifying, terrifying thoughts [怖い考え] - I had a sensation like my whole body was enveloped in such [thoughts]. When I was enveloped by this, I suddenly leapt to my feet and, in a panicked state, threw on my clothes, grabbed my bag, and went out onto the street, [crying,] "Taxi!" I went back to my workplace, I went back to my office at my workplace and slept. This is the "identity crisis." I don't have the feeling that I want to die, or anything like that. There's nothing I can say [that can explain things]. On the other hand, that was how seriously I took "Evangelion."



--- I wonder why human beings require a meaning to their existence. [The lack of such] produces anxiety.



Anno: I think it's more natural for human beings to be anxious. I think happiness is nothing but an illusion [錯覚].



---



[1] http://ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E5%88%A5%E5%86%8A%E5%AE%9D%E5%B3%B6 A collection of half-book/half-magazines on a variety of subjects published by Takarajima-sha.



[2] 今考えればそういう素養が自分にあったというだけの話なんですけど(笑)。



[3] I haven't been able to find out much about this poem.



[4] I can't tell if this is the doctor speaking about Anno's crisis, or something else (something Anno heard people say about himself or about Evangelion?).



[5] I'm somewhat unclear as to who is speaking, and what refers to what, here. ^__^; Sorry! I hope it's not completely wrong, but... "Medication" here is "kusuri."