listenspeakcreatev2:

As a gay guy in the process of coming out, I’ve always thought about myself; how people would react to me, if people would treat me differently, am I doing any favours for myself.

And only this week have I come to realise that I’ve underestimated my influence as a friend, a brother and a son.

I came out to my sister on Saturday evening after suspecting for a while that she was privy to my sexuality.



I was taking a night stroll with Phil around the wetlands behind my house and as we were on my street about to walk back to his car my sister drove past us and pulled into the driveway. I thought she had seen us so as she was getting out of the car and Phil and I were going to his car I introduced him to her.



I saw him off awkwardly as I would normally give him a good night kiss but I wasn’t sure whether my sister had entered the house yet.

When I got inside she asked if she could see the mothers day present I had bought for mum from the both of us. As I was getting it out of the bag she asked about where I had met Phil and she commented that we had become close pretty fast considering that we were taking a night stroll together.



She left my room and I immediately texted Phil in a panic saying I was pretty sure she knew about me and him. It was on my mind the whole night as we sat in front of the tv watching a movie. Our parents had gone to bed when my sister randomly said, “Wouldn’t it be funny if mum thought you and Chris (my straight best friend) were gay.”

I laughed nervously. “No way, he has a girlfriend! Why would you say that?”

This was the moment. I knew she was about to ask me.

“Well it’s just she used to think you and Dom (another straight friend) were going out caus you always walked home together after youth group.”



“Well… Dom’s definitely not gay… But I kinda am.”

“Wait.. what?”

“Um… I’m gay.”

“Haha, very funny.”

“No I’m being serious.”

“What… I’m so confused. But what about your girlfriend in Japan??”

“I guess I just wanted to be sure.”

“What about Michelle? Nat?”

“They’re just good friends.”

“I’m so confused….How do you deal with it, as a Christian?”

“I’m figuring that out.”

“I’m still waiting for you to say you’re kidding.”

“… Sorry, I’m telling the truth.”

“Honestly, I don’t know how to react at the moment.”



We talked for 2 hours and I told her all about Phil and the second life I’ve been living as a gay man and she went to bed overwhelmed by the information and me feeling average.



It wasn’t quite the outcome I had hoped for. There were no obvious words of support and encouragement. She told me she still loved me but she wasn’t sure how to react. She has some friends who are gay but she said it was different because I was her brother.



That’s when I realised, I’ve had 8 years to come to terms with my sexuality. My friends and family on the other hand are only just finding out now and it’s naive of me to expect them to embrace me with open arms when really it’s not just an issue I’m going through. Everyone I come out to has suddenly had their views shaken up. Suddenly they have a good friend or a brother who isn’t who they thought he was. Who’s been putting on a facade for them for years.

I can’t go about talking about my gay life and expect them to just continue the conversation with me like we’ve always talked.



I wish it was just like what Kate Winslet replied when her then 7 year old son asked whether she would like him to a have a boyfriend or girlfriend one day and she said ‘My Love, that would be entirely up to you, and it doesn’t make any difference to me.’



But the cold hard reality is that it does make a difference to people who’ve known you since you were born and who you’ve lied to for many years out of fear of judgment. What about the best friend who imagined going on double dates with you when you finally picked a girlfriend. Or the sister who imagined becoming best friends with your wife and bringing her children over for play dates while they gossiped over coffee.



Although this is a positive quote for a bad time it is perenially one of my favourites



“Don’t ever let yourself believe that the role you play in the lives of other’s is not an important one, especially in the lives of the ones you love and who love you. No matter how big or small that role is, or may seem, it’s a very important one, and it is one that only you can play.” Don’t underestimate yourself. Someone out there may need you.





This is an issue that can’t be solved instantly. It’s something only time can heal.