Ugo Ehiogu was 44 years old. Of all of the shocking details about his death, it is the one that hits home with the force of a wrecking ball. Two weeks ago, the former England defender had walked out at the Tottenham Hotspur training complex to coach the club’s under-23 squad. His under-23 squad – the players who loved and respected him.

What happened next was the beginning of the nightmare for his wife, Gemma, his children, his wider family and all of the friends he had made during his life – many of them in football. The images of the panic etched across the faces of the Spurs staff when Ehiogu collapsed with the cardiac arrest which proved fatal have retained a haunting quality.

It was impossible to fathom, largely because Ehiogu had, ostensibly, been so fit and it remains impossible to fathom. Tottenham have been a club beset by grief and deep questions, particularly their under‑23 players, the ones who were there when Ehiogu lay stricken on the turf. At White Hart Lane on Thursday evening, for the Premier League 2 visit of Leicester City’s under-23s, they took a step forward in their rehabilitation.

It was the first time they had played since the tragedy, with the away game at Manchester United on the Monday before last having been postponed as one of the many marks of respect to Ehiogu. It might have felt cathartic for these young players to get back out there, doing what they do best, but the occasion was all about the man who was not here.

The Tottenham and Leicester Under-23 teams share a minute’s applause for the late Ugo Ehiogu before their Premier League 2 match at White Hart Lane on May 4. Photograph: Alex Morton/Getty Images

Spurs have done everything possible to honour Ehiogu’s memory. Last week the under-23 players and others from the club, together with members of the coaching staff, went out for a meal to celebrate his life. There were about 40 people in attendance. Mauricio Pochettino, the first-team manager, was there, along with his assistant, Jesús Pérez, and the club’s head of player development, John McDermott. There have been many examples of the family atmosphere that Pochettino has instilled during his three‑year tenure. This was one of them.

The club have also endeavoured to provide the appropriate psychological support, with counsellors having been contracted in to talk to the under-23s and anybody else who has felt they needed them. Pochettino has paid tribute to the work of the club’s medical staff.

Ehiogu’s image shone out from the cover of the matchday programme: eyes sparkling, with a warm and easy smile. McDermott, who took charge of the team, together with the assistant under-23 coach, Matt Wells, wrote with emotion on the first inside page.

“Ugo’s passing still leaves a numb feeling with us all, is inexplicable and, frankly, seems unfair,” McDermott said. “We cannot start to understand the pain and loss that Ugo’s wife, Gemma, their son, Obi, Ugo’s daughter, Jodie, and his immediate family are suffering and will continue to feel as the rest of us slowly move on in our own lives.

“While Ugo was officially in charge of the under-23s, he also worked across a number of age groups as all our full-time coaches do, and so his direct teaching and legacy to Spurs players extends far beyond the squad he was directly responsible for in the public domain.”

McDermott said Gareth Southgate, the England manager and a former team‑mate of Ehiogu’s, had been a “daily confidant for us, to help share the grief and simultaneously move forward with this tragic situation”, while he also commented on “the overwhelming and astonishing respect shown across the game”.

Ehiogu’s reach and influence was great. Steve Beaglehole, the Leicester under-23 coach, had worked with Ehiogu at this level while he had spent the past two pre-seasons with him at a football development centre in France. McDermott said: “Steve was inconsolable when he and I chatted on the phone last week. The off-field respect between him and Ugo was huge.”

The crowd of 2,226 were drawn to their feet before kick-off even before the announcer had asked them to be upstanding for a minute’s applause for Ehiogu. During it, Ehiogu’s picture was displayed on the giant screens above the goals.

The players wore black armbands and the evening was nicely choreographed, with the proceeds from the ticket and programme sales, together with the collection buckets, to be donated to the charity set up by Ehiogu’s wife which aims to give children equal opportunity to access and play football. It has already raised more than £17,000.

The game itself ended in a 4-1 win for Leicester, Harvey Barnes and Josh Gordon scoring two apiece and Marcus Edwards replying from the penalty spot for a Tottenham team who had the goalkeeper, Tom Glover, sent off on 78 minutes. It was no more than a footnote.