

Some of you might remember that last year I did a post about Superman and the one time he was asked to pay taxes during the Silver Age. That was such a fun post to write so I went looking for another story in the same vein.

I vaguely remembered that there was this gem:

Wally West’s tenure as The Flash got off to a rocky start.

During his time as Kid Flash and a member of the Teen Titans, Wally contracted a mysterious illness that affected his entire bodily system. The illness was connected to his speed powers, the faster his body deteriorated. This was caused by the fact that Wally was a boy when the electrified chemicals altered his body, which was still developing and maturing (as opposed to Barry Allen, who was already an adult when his accident occurred). As such, as Wally’s body matured, his altered body chemistry was slowly killing him.

During the Crisis on Infinite Earths, Barry gives his life to save the Earth by destroying the antimatter cannon that was aimed at Earth. Initially unaware of this, Wally was coaxed by the Earth-2 Golden Age Flash, Jay Garrick into assisting the heroes against the Anti-Monitor’s forces. During the final battle with the Anti-Monitor, Wally was struck by a blast of anti-matter energy, which put his disease into remission which allowed Wally to take on his fallen mentor’s costume and identity.The decision by DC Comics’ editorial staff to radically change their fictional universe saw a number of changes to the status quo of the character. Wally West became a new Flash, but less powerful than his predecessor.

In 1986 when Wally’s tenure as The Flash began, DC Comics’ editorial staff radically changed the status quo of the character. Wally was less powerful than Barry, instead of being able to reach the speed of light, he could run just faster than that of sound. Also, the character had to eat vast quantities of food to maintain his metabolism. It was later explained that Wally prevented himself from truly “replacing” Barry, Wally had subconsciously limited his speed so that he could never become his mentor’s equal.

In the beginning of the series, stories focused not only on the Flash’s superhero exploits, but the state of Wally’s wealth like winning the lottery, buying a large mansion, and dating beautiful women.

In other words, he was not the mature and experienced hero that most of us like to remember which started with Mark Waid’s run and the introduction of The Speed Force.

This issue begins with Wally and his lawyer meeting with IRS over the taxes that Wally never paid on his lottery winnings.

This situation had been playing out for a few issues, as a B-story for awhile, so it was only inevitable that Wally would meet a foe worse than Reverse-Flash, Grodd, and Captain Cold put together: IRSspecial agent Loren Digby, probably a distant relative of Rupert Brand, the agent that went after Superman.

The government is willing to strike a deal with Wally, in exchange for his help as the Flash (btw Wally’s identity as the Flash was public knowledge), to help them track down the 1%’ers that were also dodging their taxes. Digby is sure to lecture Wally on why it is important that the rich also pay their taxes…

Cramer is the owner of a small Occult Bookstore, they should have just come out and said he runs a Waldenbooks (they were still around in the early 90s). Apparently, Mr. Cramer deposited large amounts of money into some foreign bank accounts the previous day and then disapppered. The IRS needs someone fast enough to catch him (pun intended) before he can flee the country. So Wally is deputized and becomes an IRS agent.

After they leave the IRS, Wally and his lawyers go have lunch and they ask him where he plans to start searching for Cramer.

Wally, like any good government employee, says that he is going to start by walking his dog in the park. Of course Wally has an alteritive motive for doing so, as he discovered that he was being followed.

In the park he is approached by a member of the mob, who followed him from the IRS building, it seems the IRS aren’t the only people Cramer owes money. The guy offers Wally two million dollars, should Cramer happen to have a “small accident” in the process.

Wally, of course, refuses the offer and he leaves the park he is picked by the other members of his “team”

Apparently, the IRS, like Amanda Waller’s Task Force X/Suicide Squad, is allowed to make offers to non-superhero tax evaders also..no clue if they also have microbombs planted in their skulls.

They start looking for Cramer at his mansion, as Wally goes undercover, ok it lasts one panel…remember that I said that Wally was never that good with the whole secret identity schtick.

Like any good superhero would, Flash intimidates Cramer’s lackey, playing the “I am a superhero” card

This is perhaps was the beginning of the Dark Age of modern day comics.

Side note: If I was Doctor Manhatten or Mr. Oz and was looking for an excuse to change the history of the DCU, this would set me off…and we know every major continuity event starts with the Flash…Just saying …

But I digress …

Cramer’s rent-a-stooge calls his boss to tell him The Flash came looking for him, this of course was all part of Wally’s plan to locate Cramer

Wally discovers that Cramer is hiding in his Penthouse in the city and knows that he can make it there before Cramer has a chance to escape.

Cramer is spooked because now, not only is the IRS and mob after him but so is The Flash.

Wally surprises Cramer at his penthouse and muses how he almost feels sorry for the guy.

Wally tries to assure Cramer, who is having a “wild hair party” that all he has to do is pay the IRS and he will be on his way…if it were only that simple, but then again it would make for a short issue.

This is the point of the story where things start going off the rail especially when Cramer’s cohorts start to get involved.

One must give Wally credit here, he is probably way nicer than most IRS agents that work for collections, no thanks to Cramer’s associates. Even after he is called “Clod of Earth” he still offers to work with Cramer to settle his back taxes.

So apparently there was a plot point drop earlier on in the issue, remember Cramer owned a small occult bookstore, makes sense now.

It appears that Cramer and his cronies are some sort of demon thing and not the rhyming type like Etigran.

Still Wally stays focused on his IRS duties

Finally Flash has decided he has had enough and it time to stop playing Mr. Nice IRS agent.

As with any good extra-dimensional superhero/demon battle, the fight spills into the streets. Flash uses the three demon creatures powers against each other and

and per usual the bad has some eleborate “get rich quick scheme” that even Bernie Madoff would be proud of:

In other words, the issue is about demons attempting to rig the stock market… ah the good old days when things were simpler.

Still Wally is going to collect those taxes…

Cramer finally relents when he realizes that he can’t beat the Flash… but he can beat and subvert the legal system

So I think that dear reader the moral of the story is: Pay your taxes, even if you are a demon from hell. But if do not want to pay your taxes, make sure to go to court and subvert the legal system, it is easier than dealing with the IRS.

Of course, no good deed goes undone without someone trying to rain on your parade:

Okay apparently people in the DCU are afraid of the IRS more so than threats like say Darkseid, The Joker, or Lex Luthor.

Wally’s finances and luck continued to ebb and wane until Flash vol. 2, #62, when his fortunes stabilized when Mark Waid took over the title, ushering in the Wally West that everyone loves.

So far it is unclear if this part of Wally’s history was changed by the events of Flashpoint and beyond, but one can hope.