Welcome back to another exciting edition of The Sims 4 battle royale, where I've trapped eight Sims in a national park and keep building blue walls around them to see who will be the last Sim standing. It's just like PUBG, only with watching nice people slowly die of starvation.

Now, where were we? Oh, right.

Yes, as subtly I hinted last time, Adan croaked while trapped behind the advancing blue wall (you can watch it below) which overtook him as he slept on the back porch. Arturo, who I had pegged to die first, instead dies third just moments later (so quickly that I don't feel like make a special graphic just for him). And it's going to be a busy night in general for the Grim Reaper. The last few 'airdrops' haven't produced any food, only a punching bag no one will punch and a guitar shaped like a rabbit that, frustratingly, no one will play.

After having a nice game of chess with Lori, Harvey (the guy with muttonchops who I think I've completely neglected to mention even once, but he likes music and thus should have played that rabbit guitar by now) dies into 4th place. He spent his last hours trying to find a place to wash a dirty dish. Crazy and evil Hande, who I have to say hasn't acted crazy or evil at all, drops to the floor soon after, your third place winner by starvation.

That means we're down to just two competitors, a sudden death situation after a whole bunch of sudden death. We're left with Lori (who I picked to win) and Hayley, who has recently shown some effective survival and fire-dousing skills.

After quite a gloomy night, It's now morning again, time for me to add some blue walls (though I've forgotten to paint them so they're just white at the moment) and drop a care package into the arena. The random number generator finally shows some compassion, and a food cooler drops (is placed) outside.

Luckily for Hayley, Lori is having a friendly chat with the Grim Reaper, so Hayley takes the opportunity to leave the cabin and walk to the food drop. As she prepares to eat, I check her stats. No lie: Hayley was 12 minutes from starvation. 12 minutes.

Though that still would have given her enough time to play that bunny guitar on the way to the cooler. It's right there! Just play it! One song, that's all I'm asking!

Oh, well. There's not much left of the cabin at this point, or the park at all, really. The campfire and horseshoe game is gone. Both the indoor and outdoor bathrooms have been consumed by the ever-advancing walls. Even some of the trees have been swallowed up.

Still, Hayley and Lori make the best of it, sitting on the front porch (the sliver of cabin remaining is filled with urns) viewing the condiments that apparently can't be eaten without food to put them on, occasionally standing up to urinate and then considerately mopping it up, falling asleep on their faces from time to time, and just chilling out at the table to talk about mouths.

If this were battle royale duo mode, they would be the clear winners and this horror would end. But I don't make the rules (I do, actually) so I sit and watch them slowly starve while chatting. In the morning, the airdrop produces a piano. It's a very nice piano. You could even call it a grand piano. Naturally, neither of them play it, and unfortunately it's not filled with food.

The match inevitably boils down to who ate something most recently, and it wasn't Lori. After mopping up a mess and taking a face-nap, she expires into second place, which is one place better than I've ever done in PUBG. I don't wait for the Grim Reaper to show up, I just send Hayley home.

She walks into the house she could have shared with seven other people if I weren't such a jerk, and cooks herself a much-deserved chicken dinner.

Well, it could be chicken. And she starts cooking it, at least. Look, it's been a long week. She's been through a lot. Let her get some sleep.