Debra Flanagan has been in and out of abusive relationships since she was 21.

Alcohol often fuelled the worst of the interactions — one involving a punch to her back and another a raging boyfriend bearing down on her during an argument.

“The alcohol exasperated what was a hatred for me as a human being,” said Flanagan, now 50 years old.

The Richmond Hill resident isn’t alone. The holidays, which often involve a lot of drinking, is among the worst times of the year for domestic abuse.

Between Dec. 15 and Jan. 5, York Region has witnessed a 20 to 25 per cent increase in domestic abuse calls over the previous month almost each year for over the past five years. For example, in 2018, the number of calls rose from 310 in October and November to 390 in December and January.

The situation at shelters is no different.

Yellow Brick House reported a 33 per cent rise in the number of calls in the lead up to Christmas.

Lorris Herenda, the shelter’s executive director, said there are a number of stressors that can lead victims to call or visit the shelter over the holidays.

“It could be more financial demands, where the woman feels the kids need more gifts,” she said, explaining there might also be issues surrounding one partner attempting to isolate the other from friends and family.

“Alcohol is often used as an excuse, people who have a drink don’t go out and hit their partner.”

Herenda said on top of providing shelter to those in need, her staff further assist victims with exercises in de-escalation and tools to protect themselves in tense situations.

Flanagan said during her abusive relationships, the holidays were often a problematic time.

“There’s even more of a desire for the abused to keep things appearing healthy when friends and family are around,” she said. “Unwittingly, family and friends might contribute to the insidious cycles of violence when they say, ‘Oh, you guys are such a great couple’ or ‘He’s such a great dad.’ ”

Flanagan, who now serves on the board of Sandgate Women’s Shelter, in Sutton, became a client of the shelter in 2015.

In one early relationship, the abuse started soon after they got together.

“He would push and shove me,” she said.

The abuse morphed into derogatory comments about her appearance and isolation from family and friends. After their relationship ended, there was a drunken confrontation and he hit her, she said.

During an ensuing relationship, after some drinking, an argument led her then-boyfriend to approach her in a rage, but her son stepped in.

Flanagan said she remembers the feeling of guilt washing over her as she sat in her car contemplating if she would really go to the shelter following that night.

“I went to the Tim Hortons at Yonge Street and Millard Avenue and sat there for hours with my suitcase packed,” she said. “I grew up in York Region and I didn’t feel I belonged in a shelter and I think that’s what kept me from getting help years before. I was well-educated, well-loved and well-fed.”

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Following her arrival at the shelter, she remembers sleeping for weeks before beginning her healing process, which continues today.

Const. Laura Nicolle said it’s important for those who call police on a partner to understand that in cases of domestic abuse, officers do not use their own discretion, rather, are obliged by law to lay charges should they have evidence that an assault has taken place.

“We have found people call for a warning or something to stop,” she said. “For people who are in violent or unsafe situations, seek help, support and reach out.”

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NEED HELP?

There are several services in York Region available to victims or those needing support.

24-Hour Crisis Support

NEED HELP?

310-COPE Crisis Line: 1-855-310-2673

Assaulted Women’s Helpline: 1-866-863-0511

Athena’s Sexual Assault Centre Crisis Line: 1-800-987-0799

My Sister’s Place Shelter: 1-800-461-5419

Belinda’s Place Shelter: 1-289-366-4673

Sandgate Women’s Shelter: 1-800-661-8294

Yellow Brick House Women’s Shelter: 1-800-263-3247