15 Arizona State Fair foods: azcentral's dining critic tastes the good, the bad and the what?!

State-fair food is a special breed of Americana, although whether the bacon-studded one-upsmanship of recent years represents America’s culinary renaissance or dark ages remains a matter of some dispute.

It was barely more than a decade ago that the deep-fried Twinkie emerged from Brooklyn and spread like wildfire through the state-fair circuit. It combined two of our more dubious obsessions — processed snack cakes and fryer grease — into a surprisingly addictive confection that set the stage for the arms race to follow.

For better or worse, state-fair food is primarily about one thing: excess. And if I’m being honest, dinner at the state fair is no more calorie-dense than a marathon tasting menu at a Michelin-starred restaurant or a tray filled with the bounty of a beloved barbecue shrine. So, setting aside questions of nutrition and health, I checked out this year’s Arizona State Fair — my first state fair ever — to see what I could find.

I found a lot. There are nearly 100 trucks and stalls serving food, many of them offering dozens of items. I tasted 30 before throwing in the towel. Here’s some of what I discovered.

THE GOOD

Deep Fried Apple Pie - $7

Vendor: The Original Minneapple Pie

“Carefully crafted” are not generally words one would apply to fair food, but these palm-sized half-moon pies, deep-fried and topped with vanilla or cinnamon ice cream, wrap a delicate, flaky pastry around a fresh and chunky apple filling. In a field filled with dubious foodstuffs, they’re practically an alien presence. (h/t JK Grence)

Bacon Corn Dog - $7.50

Vendor: Mustard’s Café

Few fair foods are more iconic than the beloved corn dog, and while I’m generally not one to endorse superfluous bacon, the crunchy strips and chunks woven throughout this dog’s crisp, steamy coating constitute one of the fair’s few bacony offerings that don’t seem gratuitous.

Red Velvet Funnel Cake

Vendor: Dutchmen’s Funnel Cakes

The fair is teeming with funnel cakes piled high with an endless array of toppings, and while I want to embrace the excess, this is as far from the classic as I’m willing to stray. It adds a little cakey sensibility and a lot of color to a fairground institution.

Bacon Wrapped Stuffed Jalapeños - $7.50

Vendor: Bacon A-Fair

I don’t care how overdone bacon is, there’s nothing wrong with a jalapeño pepper stuffed with cream cheese, wrapped in bacon and charred on the grill until the pepper’s tender, the cheese is volcanic and the bacon is crisp and smoky.

Shaved Pineapple - $6

Vendor: Lil’ Piggy’s

One of the best items at the fair is hidden in a tiny hut in Kiddie Land. Lil’ Piggy’s runs a frozen pineapple through an ice shaver for a delightful riff on shaved ice that’s 100 percent fresh fruit, at least until they up the fairground cred by adding a splash of your choice of flavored syrup. At $6, it’s also one of the best bargains I encountered.

THE BAD

Giant Smoked Turkey Leg - $12

Vendor: C&C’s The Ranch

A smoked and grilled turkey leg would seem like a solid selection, except when that leg tastes like it was brined for a week. On the upside, if you have to fight your way through a crowd for a bottle of water to wash it down, you’re armed with a formidable bludgeon.

Pineapple Sriracha Hot Wings - $9.10

Vendor: Wings & Chips

My feelings about sriracha are well-documented, but these wings were among my worst bites of the day because they were served stone cold. Best to avoid this stand except during peak hours if lines at other stands are too long.

Orange Chicken Rice Bowl - $9

Vendor: Sammy Pon’s Chinese Food

The 50-cent upcharge for a squirt of sriracha makes me want to hug the guy, but Sammy Pon’s orange chicken leaves much to be desired. It tastes more like Western-style chicken nuggets that wandered into a vat of orange-flavored syrup.

Popcorn Shrimp - $9

Vendor: MTM Concessions

In case you were worried that your dining critic would be smart enough to avoid the seafood stand at the state fair, rest assured, he was not. Still, it’s better than the fried shrimp at Pete’s. (Pete’s devotees, please send hate mail to dominic.armato@arizonarepublic.com.)

Pig Trough - $12.75

Vendor: C&C’s The Ranch

In an alternate universe where the pulled pork is smoky, the beans have texture, the cole slaw is fresh and the oh-so-charmingly named Pig Trough is a quarter of its size, this could be a good dish. We do not live in that universe.

THE WHAT?!

Koolickle - $4.55

Vendor: Pickle 'O Pete’s

Those who have frequented the gas stops of Tennessee and Mississippi have probably encountered Koolickles, giant dill pickles with sugar and Kool-aid mix added to the brine. Pickle 'O Pete’s brines its pickles rather than going the prefab route, and I’m forced to concede that the sweet, sour and salty result — despite its terrifying color — is compelling.

Tostilocos - $7.50

Vendor: Fresh & Fruiti Raspados and More

Fans of raspados shops will need no introduction, but for the uninitiated, Tostilocos — literally crazy Tostitos — are the Mexican dessert version of a walking taco. Open a bag of Tostitos lengthwise, toss in jicama, cucumber, crunchy Japanese peanuts, chamoy syrup, Valentina hot sauce, tamarind candies and pickled pork rinds, and you have the overpowering mix of flavors that constitutes Fresh & Fruiti’s take on the new Mexican classic.

Bacon Wrapped Pork Belly - $11.75

Vendor: Biggy’s

Just in case one dose of pork belly wasn’t enough, Biggy’s wraps one around another and puts them on a stick together. It’s surprisingly respectable, with tender pork belly and thick, crispy bacon, but it’s completely unseasoned and the flavor is pure meat. I didn’t expect to hear myself saying that a state-fair dish needed a little something extra.

Tajin Candy Apple - $5

Vendor: Sweet Dreams

Tajin is a brand of spicy and sour Mexican seasoning mix that’s often sprinkled on fresh fruit, and it coats the outside of the Tajin candy apple. But setting aside that I still can’t figure out how to eat a candy apple without first banging it on the counter a dozen times, there’s way too much Tajin. A little sprinkle would be perfect, but the thick coating is far too much.

World’s Hottest / Most Sour Ice Cream - $3 each

Vendor: Cardinali Ice Cream

Flavored with ghost chiles and little else, I’m not sure that Cardinali’s “world’s hottest ice cream” needs to exist for any purpose other than as a vehicle for a dare. The problem is that it’s too hot to be enjoyed by mere mortals, but not hot enough for asbestos-tongued chile freaks. The sour ice cream is somewhat better, tasting like so many lip-puckering candies in frozen creamy form, which is why it’s a shame they didn’t make sour apple or sour cherry or sour anything rather than plain, nondescript sour. In both cases, the tiny 2-ounce serving is probably more than you’ll want.