1. Heeeeere we go.

2. I hope it's not small.

3. It's scary when you get those "grower" ones that looks like a mushroom when flaccid and then gets enormous. Then again, it makes you feel like an excellent dick gardener.

4. When penises aren't circumcised it looks like they're wearing a little hat.

5. When they're hard and they jump a little bit by themselves and you're like, "WHAT."

6. There's no way they make guys sit with their legs THAT far apart on public transportation. Quit playing.

7. Do penises get in the way when guys do stuff? I don't know what kind of stuff. Walking? Working out?

8. Ugh, balls.

10. Why are balls always more dangly in real life than they are in my memory?

11. Penises are nice in every way but aesthetically, I think. Is that insulting?

12. I wish I just could feel it without having to look at it.

13. Am I hurting it? Chafing it? Bending, spindling or otherwise maiming it in some way?

14. I can totally deep-throat this.

15. Never mind, I cannot deep-throat this.

16. What if I drew a face on this penis?

17. WHERE DID THE BONES GO?

18. I guess my vagina's no prize, either.

19. I don't think this penis fits right.

20. Oh, great, this fits perfectly.

21. Hahaha, you do not need a Magnum.

22. Shit, we're gonna have to run to the bodega and get Magnums.

23. Penises reminds me a little bit of that Portlandia sketch. (Okay, maybe that one is more specific.)

Related: The Emotional Stages Of Seeing A Penis (By Age)

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