Have you guys seen this video of Canada’s former Defence Minister Paul Hellyer chatting freely about how aliens are real in the presence of six American congressmen in Washington? As someone who spent all winter stuck to my couch watching X-Files and fantasizing about Mulder taking me away to a far off alien planet, this is basically like watching porn. What’s particularly intense about Hellyer’s speech is that he’s not some kooky guy off the street who claims an alien came through his bedroom window in the middle of the night to abduct and probe him. Hellyer is an educated engineer and author who served a long career in Canadian politics. The man undertook the enormous task of unifying the Canadian Navy, Air Force and Army into one single organization now known as the Canadian Forces. He also helped found Canada’s only international UFO landing pad in St. Paul, Alberta. Based on his impressive career, every unbelievable claim he makes about alien life must be 100% true. Right?!

Here’s a breakdown of those claims:

There are at least four types of alien species, and they have been visiting earth for thousands of years.

The different species probably have different agendas and should not be considered as one entity.

One of the species is called the Tall Whites. Hellyer claims that two of them are working with the United States.

There are live E.T.s on earth at this present time.

A cabal formed by the Council on Foreign Relations, the Bilderbergers, and The Trilateral Commission, the international banking cartel, the oil cartel, and select members of the military are planning to create one world government. They are the ones supressing the information about aliens from the public.

But of course, this most recent extraterrestrial testimony isn’t Paul’s first involvement with the alien awareness movement. In 2005, as part of his 40+ year crusade to let the world know about aliens, he confessed to a Toronto audience that he had once seen a UFO with his wife and friends. Two years after, Paul asked for public disclosure from world governments on alien technology that could potentially save us.

So yes, Paul’s ideas might be a little out there, but his resume certainly lends some credence to his assertions. But it's his mention of the Tall Whites that specifically piqued my interest. Who are these guys? What are they up to? Anyone who has researched the Tall Whites will know that former airman Dr. Charles Hall is the go-to expert in the field. Dr. Hall spent two years working as a weather observer on a military base in the Nevada Desert. That is, of course, where the Tall Whites live. Charles says they travel through space in egg-shaped pods, because that’s simply a more efficient way to speed across deep space. Some intrepid believers were able to spot large egg-like objects on Google Earth in the precise location where Hall said the Tall Whites lived. Which means that these guys totally exist!

An alleged photo of a Tall White as seen on an Australian morning show. via.

I'm now obsessed with the Tall Whites —I personally can’t wait to touch their soft alien skin. Charles claims they’re skinny, pale-looking humanoids made of flesh and blood like the rest of us. Apparently they look Scandinavian. Their eyes are blue and twice the size of human eyes, with transparent blonde hair.

They can live up to 800 years old and instead of becoming old, short and wrinkly like us humans, the Tall Whites start growing taller when they reach 400 years old (Charles says that’s the equivalent of 40 human years). For most of their lives, the Tall Whites are about 5’11”, but they can grow as tall as 10 feet, which would make them really good at dunking on fools. Unfortunately, as they grow taller, their organ growth does not keep up with their skeletal growth, so they basically endure a deterioration process of four centuries as they slowly inch towards a natural death. Sucks for you, Tall Whites!

Ostensibly, the Tall Whites struck a deal with the American government shortly after arriving on Earth. Charles Hall has alluded to some kind of technology exchange program, and Hellyer has also implied that many of society’s wonders are actually just swagger jacked from alien discoveries that have been clandestinely shared with our government. It’s unclear what the Tall Whites got in exchange, perhaps their secret base, stocked with human food and human clothing, in the middle of the desert was enough for them—and if that’s true—they are certainly a low maintenance type of alien. It seems perplexing that a hyper-advanced species which is able to travel through galaxies, learn English (oh yeah, apparently we taught them English), and establish contact with us would be dumb enough to give their scientific knowledge away in exchange for a couple of shirts. But maybe that’s me just being a puny and materialistic human blob.

Evidently the truth is no longer out there, the truth is right here in this blog post. Or perhaps Paul Hellyer is just suffering from dementia. Personally, I would prefer to believe that the super Scandanavian aliens are real. Curiously enough, Hellyer did mention that there was more information about the aliens than what he was ready to disclose publicly. He didn’t think we were ready to hear the whole truth. Hopefully we can move towards a more accepting society that is ready to learn the secrets of alien life, and then maybe we can start seeing movies where these beautiful Tall Whites are the stars. Unless of course this is already happening.

Follow Steph on Twitter: @smvoyer