LOUIS BURKE | Investigation | CONTACT

Enjoying the effects of a disaster they did not cause, the nation’s Baby Boomers have taken to supermarkets to purchase enough toilet paper to wipe away a lifetime of ingested tabloid shit.



Although prepared for potential weeks of lockdown, the directive to ‘work from home’ has confused many a boomer as they wonder which of their homes they are meant to work from.



“Did they want us isolating in the family home or in that flat we bought down the coast back at God-knows-when?” wondered local boomer Glenyth Cole (65) from inside her toilet paper bunker.



“Or perhaps they might want us in that darling little shack I bought for myself on my 35th birthday, I do have a soft spot for that one.”



Unfortunately, Cole’s story is one of many with baby boomers across Australia wondering which of their, negatively-geared properties with a hand-painted ‘house name’ they should spend the next two weeks watching Sunrise from.



“They really need to make these things clearer. This current lot has no idea what they’re doing. I can’t believe I’m going to keep voting for them until I die.”