New Federal Law Will Make It Legal to Punch Assholes Who Take Too Long Picking a Movie at Redbox

New Federal Law Will Make It Legal to Punch Assholes Who Take Too Long Picking a Movie at Redbox 0 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 0 user reviews.

A bill passed by the United States House of Representatives and Senate, and signed into law by President Obama, will legally give all Americans the right to punch, shove, or even kick a person if they take longer than five minutes picking a movie at any one of the over 29,000 Redbox kiosks nationwide.

The passing of the bill by an almost overwhelming majority of both the Congress and Senate marks the first time in the last 25 years that Democrats and Republicans have agreed on anything.

House Republican leader Eric Cantor told Hollywood & Swine he championed the bill after his own nightmare experience at Redbox.

“It was quarter to nine and I went to my local Redbox to drop off the DVD I rented the previous night and that’s when the problems started,” Cantor said. “The idiot standing at the machine couldn’t decide between ‘Friends with Benefits’ and ‘No Strings Attached.’ I ended up having to wait twenty-five minutes and by the time he made up his mind, it was after nine and I got charged the dollar late fee.”

Following that, Cantor told members of Congress that horror stories like his are all too common for millions of Americans, which is why he felt Congress needed to act.

The bill was approved in the House by a vote of 417-2. The two congressmen who voted against the bill get their movies primarily through Netflix, so they didn’t understand what the big deal was.

Even President Obama, who signed the bill into law yesterday, admitted that he too has had to deal with assholes who take too long picking movies at Redbox.

“Joe Biden is always taking forever to pick a film at the Redbox machine installed at the White House, completely ignoring the line of people waiting behind him,” said President Obama at a press conference.