Hey guys! This is a one-shot I've written for the monthly fanart/fiction contest on the RWBY subreddit. The themes were "Roman Torchwick" and "the holidays".

Enjoy!

Ugh, can't believe I agreed to this crap. Roman sighed dramatically as he looked out over the busy Vale street, holiday shoppers buzzing around, frantically trying to find the few remaining gifts they'd yet to buy. Dark green eyes scanned the crowd for his companion, the one who'd insisted that he accompany her into town while she raced around at a pace that frightened even the most desperate of shoppers. I swear, if the only reason she brought me is to try and get me to carry her bags, we're going to have a serious talk about who's really in charge here. I might even have to confiscate her favourite knife come to think of it.

Roman had never understood what it was about this time of year that caused such a drastic behavioural shift in his normally psychotic bodyguard, and he doubted that he ever would, but the fact remained that she took Christmas very seriously. Every year around this time, her penchant for destruction, chaos, and general nefarious deeds fell off the charts, and was replaced by a surprising knack for interior decorating.

Well, it's good to have a fallback plan I suppose.

His ears pricked at hushed murmuring coming from somewhere in the nearby crowd, and pedestrians ducking quickly out the way as if some horrible beast had found its way into the commercial district of Vale. He smirked. Well, that's not entirely inaccurate. It's about time too!

The ice cream-themed villain strutted into view, parasol balanced daintily on her shoulder as it protected her hair from the falling snow. She was flanked by two rather large, muscle-bound men, each carrying a rather heavy load of bags, boxes and parcels. As she approached, Roman could see that stupid smirked etched across her face.

"Neo," he sighed, "who the hell are these idiots?" The girl simply offered a giggle and a wink in response, one of the men, however, took exception.

"Hey! Who are you calling idiots, freak?" The man barked.

"You, imbecile, weren't you listening? Now run along idiots. I'd rather not have to make a mess." Roman shot Neo a scathing look and jerked his head slightly in their direction, as if to say "get them out of here."

Neo giggled silently and blew a kiss to the two men, who recognized their dismissal and stalked away grumbling. She then turned back to Torchwick with a slight frown on her face. His eyes narrowed.

"Don't look at me like that."

...

"Yes, I know they just wanted to help."

...

"Well next time make sure to find less...aggressive servants." Neo rolled her eyes and batted her eyelashes up at the man. In Roman's experience, Neo might even be better than Cinder when it came to manipulation, the fact that she was mute only adding to her facade of the cute, shy girl. Roman knew better than to fall for that act, most of the time.

"I hope you have a plan for all this crap." He motioned down Neo's purchases. "Cause I'm sure as hell not carrying it." But Neo had already skipped out of reach, spinning around and flashing a small, shiny object before his eyes before curtsying and bounding away.

Was that my...She stole my fucking lighter? I swear, one of these days I'm going to kill that bitch. He swore quietly under his breath as he bent down to pick up the heavy load and slowly began following his henchman back to their hideout.

This is why I'm never having children.

It took an entire hour for Roman to trudge his way through the snow, back to the modest apartment they were currently using as a hideout. Damn it, my hat is probably ruined by now. He somehow managed to force the door open, only to see Neo doubled over as silent giggles wracked her body.

"Yeah, laugh it up Ice Cream." He dumped the parcels unceremoniously on the floor and removed his hat to find it sagging significantly. He glared and pointed an accusing finger at his partner. "You're buying me a new hat by the way."

Neo gave him another infuriating wink as she skipped over to hang her parasol on a hook, jumping up to give Roman a playful peck on the cheek before ducking out of reach, which only served to further agitate the man. Just as he was gathering breath to unleash another verbal torrent, he was interrupted by a knock at the door. Uggghhhhh! Who the hell is that? He wrenched the door open furiously, and was greeted by a rather nervous rabbit-Faunus wearing spectacles.

"Perry? What the hell are you doing here?" Perry visibly shrunk when faced with Roman's decidedly unwarranted rage.

"Uhh, it's Cinder, she's got a job for Neo...Wants her to take care of someone." Perry's eyes danced nervously from Roman to his henchman who was currently wrapping one of her knives in tinsel.

Roman groaned and muttered under his breath. "Ugh, why can't she just use a scroll like normal people..." Raising his voice, he yelled over his shoulder. "Hey Neo! Got a job for you!"

Neo giggled and shook her head, now starting to wrap the tinsel around Roman's cane. What! His head swivelled frantically. How'd she even get that!?Damn it!

He exhaled slowly in an unsuccessful attempt to calm himself. Whatever. "What do you mean no?" This was rapidly becoming too much, even for a man with his patience.

Neo smirked and scribbled something on a piece of paper before folding it into the shape of a glider and tossing it over to Torchwick.

God, I'm so tired of this shit. Still fuming, he unfolded the paper and read it. "You...Wha-...What the fuck is a murder break?" Another glider smacked into the side of his head. "Ow fuck!" That's it. I'm gonna kill them all!

Torchwick read the second message. "Oh, you heard it on TV? Fantastic, who the hell is the Mad King...you know what, I don't care." Neo was giggling again, loving the sight of Torchwick so frazzled.

He took a deep breath and turned back to the visitor. "Look Perry, I think it's best for everyone involved if you just leave now. I'd hate to have to kill you too." The look in his forest-green eyes was now slightly manic, and Perry didn't need to be told twice as he immediately sprinted away.

Roman sighed deeply as he slammed the door, leaning on it's frame for support. This crap can't be good for my heart. No one said the job of criminal mastermind came with increased risk of a stroke. He turned back to Neo, who was now pouting slightly, her bottom lip jutting out and quivering slightly.

"Oh stop it, I know you're not sorry." As if on cue, Neo sprang up and threw her arms around Torchwick. "Oof, get off me you little creep, you're lucky I don't skin you alive after the shit you pulled tonight." Neo glanced up and flipped her eyes around playfully, to which Roman could only scoff.

I don't know how I've put up with her for this long. As Neo raced around gathering up parcels and carrying them off to various corners of the apartment, he couldn't help but smirk slightly.

I guess I'll have to put up with her a little longer.

Did you guys like it? If so, it would be amazing if you could vote for it in the contest :)

Voting starts after the 23rd of December right here: r/RWBY/ (it will be a stickied post)

It would be awesome if you would consider helping me out with this, but either way, I hope you enjoyed the story :)

Peace out.