7 years ago



Back when I was in college, I was out at a bar I was a regular at. An acquaintance from work happened to be there as well, I had a few drinks before she had shown up and was a little tipsy to begin with. She and I started chatting and she ended up buying drinks. After the first round, she kept buying me more and more alcohol. I barely noticed the fact that she was nursing the same drink for a while. Since I was having such a good time chatting with everyone at the bar, I had got WAY drunker than was safe and did my best to say my goodbyes to everyone with the intent of going home. After this is when things start blacking out and getting choppy. I remember her saying she would drive me home and other people saying it was a good idea. I remember being confused why it was taking so long to get to my house. I remember being REALLY confused why my room looked totally different and why my work acquaintance was taking off her clothes. I don’t remember a condom and I don’t remember her stopping when I told her ‘no, stop’. When I woke up, and pieced together what happened, I didn’t know what the fuck at all to do. But, after a long walk from her dorm room back to my house, I was pretty sure it was rape. I was a feminist at the time, and was told over and over how a drunk person can’t consent, and how no means no. I was told the EXACT SAME scenario was rape if the genders were flipped. But everyone I went to didn’t feel the same. I didn’t go to the police, it was hard enough having to go through it with everyone else, only to be accused of 'being gay. Get that? Feminists told me 'you must be gay’ when I told them I was pretty sure I was raped the night before.

[name omitted]

A few times I’ve actually been confonted because I was acting like a big brother to kids in the or family gatherings I’ve gone to. The churches are, like most churches, majority women. Many of them choice mommies with sons. It’s often that a mother will try to get me involved with her daughter of marrying age somehow, or with her young children that need a father figure. After all, I’m totally awesome. I’m, handsome for my weight (and looking better as I drop it), physical but not so rough as to injure, and I help out any time I see a need. But then I and annother parent or so are taking the kids hiking, because all the other adults are busy or to tired in the heat. Or one of the kids needs help with something… and if I’m out of view with the kids too long, even if I made extra sure that the parents knew what was going on, and they were down with it… Some of the women start getting… uncomfortable. And talk happens. And then the pastor or an older male relative talks to me about how, despite all the precautions I’m taking, that I shouldn’t have to take in the first place, people are getting uncomfortable. And “can you see why they would be?” Of course the fact that I’m openly declared to be celibate has no impact on that at all. x.x After all, if you have enough physical self control not to need sex, you MUST be a paedofile. Or it’s phrased as a concern for my own safety due to accusations… which I get. But by bowing to that pressure, and making it seem even remotely acceptable… that’s just feeding into it more. Ug.

[name omitted]

When I was 7, my grandfather started talking me to Canada every year for fishing trips. Every summer, we’d go and it was never a problem. We stayed for a week and came home. We were pulling a boat, van loaded with fishing gear. When I was 14 or 15, we got held up at customs for 6 hours. This lady had just taken over the head of the customs office if that’s what you call it. I could tell that the guys working under her just cringed at everything she said. She stopped us because she thought my grandfather was a pedophile. I didn’t realize this back then, but this story brought back memories and now I understand what was happening. She wanted a note from my mother, something I didn’t need to have in order to go to Canada. She wanted to talk to my mom, who was working and this was before cellphones. We had to stay there for 6 hours til my mom got out of work. She didn’t want to talk to my dad, even tho my parents were married (wasn’t like only 1 had custody.) At one point she asked my grandfather if he had a history of mental problems. He of course replies no. She said, “do you have any proof of that?” My grandfather was always pretty sarcastic and he said something back to her like, “What? Are you serious? Yeah, sure, I have papers in my car from the insane asylum saying I’m just perfectly fine now.” I mean how stupid of a question is that?

[name omitted]

had an abusive girlfriend when I was in college, and she didn’t really care if other people saw her do it. Then, a while after we broke up, I suddenly realized that for the first time in months I didn’t have a single bruise on me, and said so out loud. I was with some friends, and one of them, a girl, acted out of character for her and punched me on the arm to give me a bruise.

[name omitted]

had a girlfriend threaten to call my probation officer and tell them I hit her because she didnt like that I spoke up about her buying the minors she worked with alcohol.

[name omitted]

I had a girl bully me when I was a kid. Not a single adult believed me.

[name omitted]

Throughout high school I played rugby, some tackles look A LOT worse than they are. I happened to make one and I found out afterwards that the opponent (who shook hands with me after the game and told me “excellent tackle”) had a girlfriend who was horrified I might have killed her boyfriend. Long story short, I leave to go to my car, get hit from behind, turn around to see a banshee. Tried to report her but no witnesses and basically got told nothing could be done.

[name omitted]

I started weight training seriously last year, and due to muscular gains some people think that they are allowed to touch any part of my body they deem appropriate. I was at a party my house was throwing that night I was felt up by various women. Talked to feminist friend of mine about the experience, and when I mentioned one of friends had touched me this way and she simply laughed it off.

[name omitted]

I was out with a bunch of coworkers at a bar, and one of the girls was a very bad drunk. She’d get trashed, embarrass herself, and then get upset about it for days. So, I noticed that she was drinking pretty quick, and told her she should pace herself. She then went around and told everyone I called her fat and got the white knight brigade together.

[name omitted]

well first off ages may be a bit off since i was going through some really rough time back then but ill try to be as accurate as possible. so first time around 7-8 i think, two older girls who hung out in the same group of friends took me to their room tied me to a four post bed and started me on the path to never trusting women again. i told them to stop and to let me go and the more i begged the more they got into it, gentle was not something they were familiar with. finally at the end they told me to keep this a secret because if i told anyone they would never believe me pointing to a bunch of trophies and photos from their catholic schools for girls. they were right, i told my mom and she laughed and when i persisted she told me to tell my teacher, my teacher didn’t believe me and told me to tell the nurse. the nurse in turn told me to tell my mom because well girls wouldn’t do that. went back to mom finally she goes to their house and comes back doesn’t tell me anything but she must have went there because i run in to those two girls again and they say i told you no one would believe you. next up a few years later my mom decides that being a mom is too much trouble after my dad died so she walks out, just gets the monthly checks from welfare and social security and walk away from her kids (3 kids 10,12,14) now here is what makes me mad, my siblings leave to live with friends and i am alone at 10. i go to school and the teacher sees me dressed like a hobo and sends me to the nurse so they can contact someone to get me. all the phone numbers are disconnected but they refuse to call the police or child services because and i quote the the nurse and teacher here we don’t know what his mom is going through so don’t get call anyone and get her in trouble, they wait till the end of the day and toss my ass on the street so they don’t get my mom in any trouble. so same deal for years teachers and nurses see me go from school to school and no one will say shit even when i’m asking for help because they never want to get my mom in trouble. shit even social services wouldn’t do anything to help me if it meant my mom would lose money they would just ignore how my mom was in jail and the only time social services would see me was when mom wanted to get welfare again. its like hmm you seem to only have custody of your kid when you want money but at all other times he’s missing from school and no one can explain it. well better give you more money! many times in schools i would go to girls would kick me in the nuts or punch me in the face in fucking class and the teacher wouldn’t do a goddamn thing, they would just tell the girl to sit down. i mean you could hear some girls daring one girl to punch someone in class and they would all laugh when the girl would do it. when i complained i was told to sit down wtf i know i’m new here but wow girls got away with things right in front of teachers and would never be punished. i can take a punch but why should i have to. now at this point i just turned 13 and my sister is pregnant, she decides to have the baby but she cant deal with taking care of a baby. now it’s just the two of us with our mom walking in and out of our lives just to collect checks, i wake up one day shortly after the baby is born and my sister is screaming at the top of her lungs at the baby to shut the fuck up. so i walk in take the baby from her and feed him, he falls to sleep and he stays with me for the night. unfortunately for me my sister noticed how easy i can deal with the baby so she pretty much keeps me at home for the next two fucking years, she talks about how we are a team and we need to stay together then leaves to party with her friends after work the first chance she gets. i go from taking care of my nephew for a few hours a day to weeks then months. my sister changed me from school to school to keep me on vacation the when she cant she just ignores the calls. i slip out every week to go to school and barter some sandwiches from other kids so i can stuff to eat. my sister at the time bought food for herself and baby formula but hated that i was eating her food. with no clocks on the walls and only a couch in that empty 2 bedroom apartment i stayed alone night after night losing my mind slowly. when i begged my sister for help she would scream at me for a few minutes, when i asked for help at school i was ignored because women wouldn’t do something like that so i must be lying. so i just kept taking care of my new born nephew and just passing out from hunger or sleep deprivation day after day then i would eat some of her food and get yelled at. yup then i came up with this ingenious plan sneak away to school eat breakfast and at lunch trade my dessert for a pack of starburst then break that in half and trade those half for sandwiches. leave school at lunch get home sleep for a few hours till my sister got home, get yelled at for going to school and making her take my nephew to a baby sitter. rinse and repeat next week. ok finally hit 18 get a job and the first fucking job i have every leadership position with the exception of the warehouse manger is filled with women. i’ve had female managers rub their breast and body on me then threatened me if i reciprocated in any way so i just had to take it without doing anything. when i complained i was laughed at by the female HR then warned about sexual harassment like i was the one who initiated it. female sales reps would talk about what i would do to them while fondling me, they would talk about how i would rape them if i could or do other things, i was slapped by one rep who went on about rape and how dirty i was for thinking about those things… i was 18 just starting at this job, all i wanted to do is my work and with my past i wanted nothing to do with the female gender but fucking hell women wouldn’t leave me alone. the more i ignored and got away from them the more they would harass me. i had the purchasing manager make me sit down then she sat on my lap, she then talked about what she thought i wanted to do to her. she then grabbed my head and shoved it in her cleavage. after a few seconds she got up slapped me and walked away….god i hated that job. i just don’t understand why so many women got off on slapping me, i’m a big guy and can take punches but slapping me just heart since i couldn’t do a damn thing about it. lucky for me the next two long term jobs i had would place me in a different warehouse from where the women worked, working in a warehouse with no air conditioning is a small price to pay for peace and quiet. so in closing women can do no wrong and their word is the gold standard of truth justice and the female way BECAUSE WOMEN NEVER LIE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES IN ANY WAY THEIR VAGAINAS PREVENT THEM FROM LYING….or at least thats the way if feels like in life and people wonder why i’ve never had a girlfriend…

[name omitted]

A few years ago I knew this girl from work and we used to platonically go to parties together with a few other friends. She was ok but when she got drunk she would become insane. One night she asked me to hold her keys for her so she couldn’t drive after getting drunk, she then proceeded to get smashed. A couple of hours later I was trying to get lucky and she barged in wanting her keys back, I refused. She kept asking, getting more and more aggressive, and I kept refusing, telling her that she was in no condition to drive and she had asked me to hold her keys for exactly this reason. Her aggression became physical and she started smacking me around the head and yelling that I’d stolen her keys and that I was an asshole. I didn’t want to be responsible for her killing someone so I threw her keys off the balcony and told her to go get them if she wanted them so badly. She tried to kick me in the balls and she ended up planting a haymaker on my face which gave me a split lip. That pissed me off and I shoved her backwards, she screamed “what the fuck” upon which 3 guys came and pulled me away and told me to cool down. During her 5 minute long escalating tirade nobody helped me and it was only when I became physical with her that people intervened. It was almost like they were waiting for me to do something upon which it would be acceptable to shut the situation down. The next day she apologized and I showed her my lip and told her I wasn’t going to any more parties with her. I’ve been in fights with other guys before and the dynamic is totally different. Men don’t have this arrogance that they can do anything to you and not get hit, their posture is more defensive. When a woman harasses a guy she’s clumsy, she flails her arms around and leaves herself open because she’s not expecting retaliation.

[name omitted]

My first girlfriend (we were both sixteen) used to kick me in the balls whenever I least expected it. I’m talking at least a couple of times a day. It didn’t matter where we were or what we were doing, but every time I keeled over in agony, the stupid bitch laughed. All of her (female) friends thought it was fucking hilarious. I don’t know why, but I stayed with that whore for over a year. I guess I thought I could get her to change her behaviour and stop doing it. Which I did, after having a huge argument with her. Unfortunately, it was only temporary. In the end, I just left without saying goodbye. I did not give a fuck. I moved states a few days later (my mother got remarried) and cut all contact with her. Sure, it was a dick move on my part, but she fucking deserved it. For the next two weeks, I was flooded with hundreds of texts and missed calls all saying that she wanted me back and that she’ll never do it again etc. The range of emotions she would go through each day was insane. First she would be all apologetic, only to turn around and instantly blame me for everything. I never once made contact with her. It was hilarious.

[name omitted]

The mother of my son got really drunk one night, came to my mothers, smashed my surround sound system in the driveway, and punched me in the eye amongst other blows. I called the cops, and they took a complaint. The officer was actually pretty nice and told me how to file for a restraining order and potentially press charges. However, once I went to see a magistrate about both of those, I was basically told to leave.

[name omitted]

I have lost a whole circle of friends, because my ex-fiancee sexually assaulted me. When I told my friends, most of them shrugged it off, a few teased me for being upset. A few months later, a girl in the group drunkenly came onto me at a party. After refusing her a few times, I finally yelled at her to leave me alone and to get off of me. Apparently people did not take well to this sort of behavior. I was informed I was no longer welcome at social events, because I had made a few of the women uncomfortable. TL:DR: Got sexually assaulted, nobody understood and simply removed me from the group.

[name omitted]

I was about 14 at a concert with my friend when two women showed up ( 30-40 years), they started talking us up how they can buy us anything we wanted including alcohol and cigarettes as long as we go with them, we just laughed and said no. So one of them just grabs me by the arm and starts dragging me, the other one is moving in to help her out, this happened in a crowded place with hundreds of people seeing us, eventually my friend moves in kicks her in the knee, she lets go and we run to backstage past security(my dads a cable technician working there so he hooked us up with tickets and passes), we spent the rest of the time backstage we never talked about it pretending it never happened.

[name omitted]

A false rape accusation is absolute hell. I went through one as a result of her needing to justify cheating with one of my then best friends. Although it eventually emerged that she was both a cheat and an outright liar, the looks I got from some people in the meantime are what I will never forget. It takes an especially shitty kind of person to sink that low just to save face.

[name omitted]

I was involved in a custody battle where my ex tried to say rough sex was rape and there is nothing scarier than having an old southern judge look at you like the bad guy and shes the innocent girl. Luckily the D.A. knew she was bat shit insane but it was heart dropping sitting in court and hearing that.

[name omitted]

I was in a relationship. An older female “friend” found me drunk in the city. Both her and her (also female) designated driver accomplice offered to take me straight home to sober up. Before I knew it, they had taken me instead to their apartment to “give me a drink of coke to help sober up.” Coke they laughed about later had been added with vodka, because they “wanted to keep the party going”. The other friend then construed an excuse to leave me alone in their apartment with her for a few hours. (They had actually planned all this when they found me) This “friend” said that I should leave my current girlfriend, I said I was flattered but really no thankyou I am just happy being friends. She then tried to show me “what I was missing” by groping me and trying to take my clothes off, grabbing my dick etc. I was only about 20 at the time (she was 31, her friend 34), and not the large, confident and strapping man I am today and she managed to do some things to me that I was pretty horrified about at the time. She was really forceful with what she did, and being the otherwise gentle person I am, I didn’t have the temperament or manner in which to slap, strike, hit or get physically aggressive with a woman. (fuck, you know it has been over ten years and I still get choked up and feel humiliated just trying to explain this. Will I ever be able to explain it? What do you do in a situation so far out of your familiar comfort zone? Goddamit, woman, what did you do to me?) I begged to be taken home like they promised, she said “no” I should just “stay the night to see what happens,” and flat out refused to ask her friend back to give me a lift. I had to basically escape the apartment building (one of those locked places with goddamned keypads everywhere) and try calling a taxi to take me home (I literally had no idea where they had taken me; I had to walk to the nearest intersection to give the taxi directions.) It wasn’t until a couple of very confusing and distressing days later that I came to the realisation that I had literally been preyed upon in a manner that, if it had been a gender-reversal, they would probably have been facing charges. The deception of offering me a lift, planning to leave me alone with a person keen on sexually assaulting me, plying me with more alcohol by deception, the premeditated decision, the groping after being asked not to be touched etc etc… aargh. I have never spoken to anyone about it, or how it has affected me. Never spoke to either of those people again either, despite their attempts to apologise in person (and later to “just forget it and be a man”), and justify their actions. I just couldn’t talk to them without feeling like my shame would bring me to unmanly tears, and that it would be a further humiliation in an already foreign situation. At that age/time, my friends would have told me to just go for it, that it should be an honour for a chick to want to have sex with me that badly, etc etc. In retrospect, keeping quiet was the worst thing I could have done. Sometimes when I find myself thinking about it, I just want to be sick. I had a hard time dealing with it, I even ended up sabotaging my relationship with the girl I was with at the time, because I felt I had cheated despite the facts of the situation, that I felt/still feel like a helpless stupid unmanly schmuck for being in that situation in the first place. Even writing this now is awkward, messy and embarrassing.

[name omitted]

Both of my uncles were sexually assaulted by my mom’s best friend in high school. Here’s what I know of the story (all names changed): Mom’s friend, Peggy (age 18), was staying the night at my mom’s family’s house. After my mom went to sleep, Peggy stayed up and wandered into my mom’s younger brother Kurtis’s room. Kurtis was still awake, doing whatever. Peggy began to make moves on him, rubbing him all over and trying to climb on top of him. He was only 15. He said no, and she told him that if he didn’t do what she wanted him to do, he would accuse him of raping her. He tried to protest and she hit him. She undressed him and he kept trying to talk her out of it. She kept telling him to shut up, that she would cry rape. She raped him. She kept threatening him not to tell anyone. She eventually did this to my mom’s 13-year-old brother, too. They both realized that she did that to both of them a few weeks later. When they told my mom, she was livid and immediately cut off all contact with Peggy and the rest of her old group of friends for thinking what Peggy did was okay. Peggy’s excuse was, “Well, they would be deflowered soon anyways, they’re attractive guys.” Both sons ended up in counseling, and my grandmother was too poor to afford the legal services to take it to court (the police officers basically laughed at the guys and told them that they were lucky). I know one of them had a really hard time being intimate with women for a really long time. They both ended up getting into hard drugs, but whether that was a product of the era/culture of the city they lived in or as a result is not known to me. Basically, Peggy was a despicable person and I really hope that she’s changed. My mom still refuses to talk to her, over 30 years later. Both of my uncles are doing pretty great now, the older one is married and has a 17-year-old daughter, the younger is married with three kids under 12. Both have jobs that they love (“Kurtis” is a carpenter, the younger one is in corporate management). They still live near the area they grew up in, as do my mom and their not-mentioned sister, so I see them a few times a year when I visit home. They both were in counseling for years, and were both at various points in AA and/or Al-Anon. I cannot imagine doing what she did to a child, it sickens me. I mean, all sexual assault and rape sickens me, rightly so. But when it’s towards a child, that’s even worse.

[name omitted]

My ex was raped and would talk to me often about the aftermath. He said the hardest part was that almost all of the support groups, literature, and movies about rape are directed towards male on female rape. This made him feel even more emasculated. He never told any of his male friends because of the attitude some people hold that men cannot be overpowered, and that if you refuse sex you are “gay”. When male friends of his found out, they thought the situation was funny and my ex had zero support or sympathy from them. And these guys are considered decent people by regular standards. And i wont even begin to talk about the treatment he received from police when he came forward. He was not taken seriously at all.

[name omitted]

I was in university, in a co-ed dorm. I spent a lot of time with this girl who lived on my floor, we were great friends. Lets call her “peach One day this random girl (lets call her "wario”) started hanging out with us all the time. Wherever we’d go, she was there. She befriended peach so that any time i wanted to hang out with peach, wario would be there. She lived on the all-girls floor right above ours so it wasnt alll too perculiar at the time. She’d flirt with me here or there, try to hang out more and more but I was ambivalent. Anyhow I come home quite drunk late one night. on my way to my room I notice a party going on in a friend’s and as I walk past, Wario pulls me in all excitedly. I sit down and she hands me a drink. Keeps telling em to drink up. I’m quite drunk and tired and I just want to go sleep so I have a sip or two and politely duck out, proceeding back to my room. Back in my room I just sit down at my PC to check my email and unwind a little before bed. still pretty drunk. I guess I didn’t lock my door behind me. I see a hand reach from behidn me and put a cup down on my desk. Its wario saying “You forgot this” (or something to that effect) and she sits down on the chair beside me with her own drink. I’m just making polite conversation at this point. not into her but its not like i hate her so whats a little conversation, right? over the course of this talk I guess I finish my drink. I’m really tired now though, I can feel that I’m about to fall right asleep so I tell her its late and I’m going to bed. She says ok and just sits there. (things get hazy here … ) From here on I jut remember moments. I remember being at my door trying to get her to leave but I’m really tired and weak, passing out I guess so not really effectual. I remember being down on the bed with her taking off my clothes. I remember her being on top of me and holding me down - I’m trying to push her away but its like I’m a baby swatting at a mobile …. not exactly forceful. I clearly remember slurring out “No [Wario]”, “Whats going on?”, and “I dont want this” I remember she was rough. Next thing I know I’m waking up alone, in my room, and its late the next afternoon, and I’m VERY disoriented. After some time trying to come to terms with it I tried telling a couple of people close to me. This wasn’t received very well. Basically I wasn’t believed at all. One issue was that this girl was very very physically attractive - the girl that all the guys wanted. So the response was basically “You wish, you should be so lucky” sort of thing. i wasn’t able to confront the girl either. She just kept acting he same after a she did before. Tried to make a move on me a couple of times since then too. I couldn’t stop her. She made an comment threatening ME with rape allegations too. So I was scared. All I could do was avoid her as much as possible (living in the same building with overlapping friends!)

[name omitted]

I am a male, and I was sexually assaulted by a woman. This is very difficult for me to write and I’ve never told this story to anyone so I hope I keep it together long enough to get it out. I’m a big, fit guy which makes what happend even more humiliating for me. I was in my late twenties at the time and had been out on a couple of dates with a woman. She was a probation officer for a local police department working specifically with sexual offenders which is why I never reported what happened. I have a history of very bad relationships and I made it clear to her that I wanted things to move slowly. I didn’t want to jump into bed and she was aware of that. That night we had gone to a play and afterward went back to her place. It was our third date. We started kissing a bit, which we had done before, but we had never moved beyond that. As we were kissing, she pushed me back against a wall, knelt in front of me and undid my pants. I wasn’t sure that I wanted her to do what she clearly intended to do but I didn’t stop her. At this point I didn’t say anything. She started performing oral sex on me and I immediately knew that I wanted her to stop. I told her to stop and she pretended not to hear me. I said it again, more forcefully and she looked up at me and said “Shut the fuck up, I’m getting what I want tonight.”. I’ll never forget that part. Ever. She started the oral again and I told her to stop again, but I didn’t want to get violent with her. She was a probation officer and I wasn’t sure what would happen. When I told her to stop a fourth time, she decided that that would be right time to shove two of her fingers into my anus. I froze and she continued raping me anally with her fingers. After a few seconds, the initial shock wore off and I regained some of my composure. I grabbed her head and pulled her back, then pushed her hard away from me. I pulled up my pants and ran out of her house. I got home and cried. I cried for days. I was, and still am ashamed of what had happened to me. I’m a man. I should have been able to stop her. I shouldn’t have her take down my pants. I know it was my fault on some level. She emailed me a few days later from her official work email address (which she had never done before) with a description of what a nice night we had spent together. My guess is that she wanted some kind of evidence that I was making it up if I reported anything. I never did. I just tried to forget about how she had completely and totally violated me. It took a very long time, but I’m finally in a happy, committed relationship with a wonderful woman. We’ve been together for two years. I’ll never tell her what happened to me and she’ll never know how she helped me start get over it. She’s kind, gentle and patient and I love her more than she will ever know.

[name omitted]

Mine happened when I was 14 years old and taking salsa lessons with people of all ages. There were a lot of older women who were in the class and I thought it would be a good experience to take part in dancing with the more experienced ones too. I was an extremely shy kid but I loved dancing so whenever they would flirt with me, I’d just blush, say thanks and keep dancing. One day, a 37 year old married woman in the class asked me if I wanted to help her with the steps that we had learned that day. She said she’d make me dinner and drop me home later so my parents wouldn’t have to worry. After class, we drove back to her place and she asked me if I wanted to try some alcohol. I was a 14 year old and stoked off of this so I said sure and got shitfaced. She told me that I could go sleep it off in her bed because I did not want to go home and face my parents in that state. A few hours later (around 3 pm), I woke up and I was being groped and being given oral by her. I told her to stop but she just bit my neck and told me that “this is going to feel great, just relax”. when i told her that I wasn’t sure about this and that I wanted to go home, she didn’t stop and just pinned my hands (She was very very strong due to dancing for more than 3 decades). I was then raped with my hands held over my head and her bouncing up and down on my penis. Afterwards, I just cried while she dropped me home. Went home, took a shower and have never told anyone about this till now. Not to make light of the situation but involuntarily, I am now attracted to much older women. I have a healthy sexual life and great people all around me. The immediate aftermath happened with me not having sex or shuddering even by thinking about it until I was 16, when I had my first girlfriend who ended up cheating on me (another story). Ultimately, I have now given up on trusting women even though I know that most of you are beautiful, amazing people but I just can’t bring myself to do that ever again.

[name omitted]

I was almost date-raped by my roommate when I was unconscious after drinking too much one night. She forced herself into my bedroom. My other roommate stopped her. I’m very glad it didn’t happen. Honestly, if I were sober enough to make the decision? I’d probably have sex with her. I don’t know what it would have done to my psyche if she managed to do it, but the fact that I had no control of the situation would NOT have been okay.

[name omitted]

My boyfriend was raised ultra conservative. He was 100% never planning on having sex until marriage, but when he was 17 his first girlfriend forced herself onto him. He still has nightmares and flashbacks about it. There have been multiple times that he’s told people about it and they’ve either said “Seriously bro? When I was 17 I would’ve killed for a girl to take charge.”, “Admit it, you wanted it” or “Guys can’t get raped”. As a rape victim myself I try to help, but there is only so much you can do. It kills me to see how some people react to this sort of thing

[name omitted]

I don’t like thinking of it as rape because I have always defined rape as a violent offense in my mind, but when discussed on these terms (alcohol, not knowing what to do or how to escape), you could say that that is what happened to me.

[name omitted]

I was a frequent weight lifter in high school and very vividly remember our schools star female basketball player. She would hang around the gym after school and do lots of squats and general “gluteus maximus” workouts. She was infamous for her great ass and my best friend/spotter would ask me every single day if I would 'hit it’? Her body was great but her face was less than average and I would always respond that I would only let her give me oral. I was a very popular guy in my high school and fairly good looking (forgive me if that comes across as cocky, I also strongly disapprove of conceited individuals). One day she invited me to play basketball in our schools second gym which was normally locked after hours but she had access to because of het athletic status. Not wanting to seem like a homosexual or 'queer’ I accepted because she asked in front of my friend. We played a game of one on one and she made a wager that if she won I’d have to do what she wanted and if I won she’d do what ever I wanted. I wasn’t much of a basketball guy but beat her fairly easily despite her very aggressive attempt to beat me for her own nefarious reasons. After winning fairly quickly I told her I didn’t want anything sexual from her and thanked her for the exercise (her aggressiveness during the game was a turnoff and I instantly knew I wasn’t attracted). As I turned to leave she blocked off the door and told me to kiss her under the bleachers. There was nobody else in the gym. I kept saying no but I didn’t retaliate aggressively because it was completely against my nature to get physical with women. She kissed me but I didn’t kiss back then she went down on me. I was physically tired and didn’t have an erection. I tried pushing her off but she wouldnt let go and asked me if I was gay. I felt embarrassed and let her finish. I eventually got hard and came. She got up and tried kissing me but I turned away and immediately tried to leave. Then she black mailed me. She said she did all of this as part of her scheme to make my football teams captain jealous so he would ask her to prom. If I didn’t succeed in making him jealous she said she would tell our school staff I sexually threatened her. I felt violated, angry and sick. I left and finished my workout with my best friend and walked home. I trusted him and immediately told him everything. He was a good friend with our captain and told him everything. He was a good guy and confronted me and told me that she was a lunatic ( they had dated several years ) and that if she tried anything he would stick by my side and tell the truth. Nothing ever happened. I didn’t go to prom and my captain ended up going with the prom queen. (he was the king). I live in a small town and still constantly see her around. We don’t make eye contact and simply ignore each other. I suffered very little emotionally partly because I had great friends but I know that if I didn’t have that support this situation could have had devastating consequences. It wasn’t my first time being sexually molested by a female either so it wasnt as traumatizing. I’ve mostly convinced myself that I enjoyed the oral so it wasn’t rape and my best friend convinced me I was lucky and he wished he was in my shoes.

[name omitted]

When I was 4-6, I was molested by my baby sitter. It was a pretty regular occurrence, and it probably messed me up pretty good. I know a lot of guys always talking about “Where was she when I was growing up?”, but being that young and having a 15 year old girl sexually molest you every night, it’s not the same as being a horny teenager and hooking up with your teacher or something. I’ve never told anyone about it, even with all the therapy I’ve gone through, I’ve never once brought it up. I don’t even know how. I’m afraid that they would look down on me. Even when it was happening, it never felt right. I mean, it felt pleasurable physically, but it felt incredibly wrong. It was confusing, and it wasn’t something I wanted or ever asked for. As I’ve gotten older, it’s affected my ability to trust people, or to have relationships. I tend to avoid sex at all costs, which obviously does not make dating easy. A couple of years ago, I was at a party with some workmates, and got absolutely demolished. I’m talking three sheets to the wind. An older woman that I work with offered to let me crash on her couch, since I was in no condition to drive, so I said “ok”. Once we got to her place though, she pushed me down on the couch and got on top of me, and started kissing me. I kept saying “No, I really don’t want to do this”, but she kept shushing me. I was far too drunk, and she was much taller than me, which made it hard to fight her off. I don’t know if in her mind, she thought I was being coy, or just into rough sex or something, but she just would not stop. I kept saying “No, stop it. Let me up”, but she just kept going further. She ended up pinning me down while she raped me. When she fell asleep, I collected my clothes, and wandered out into the city and slept on a park bench after crying for 2 hours. I quit my job a week later. I couldn’t work there any more. She had told people that we had hooked up, and I just couldn’t be in an environment where someone who did that to me would act like it was consensual. I’ve talked to one person about it, not even giving all the details, and apparently she has done this kind of thing to other guys too. I know that as a guy, I’m expected to get over it. But it’s hard. It’s hard wanting to be with people, but not wanting to have sex with them, because you have a trauma attached to it. It’s hard knowing that people view me as weak because of what happened. It’s hard when I feel like damaged goods. What makes it worse, is that if I told someone that I had been raped or molested, is that they would automatically think it was by a man. Because the only person powerful enough in most people’s eyes to rape a man, is another man. I want so much for my life to be normal like other people. To be able to not feel dead inside when I am intimate with someone.

[name omitted]

In the beginning, I didn’t think much of it. We’d maybe compare penis sizes or “sword fight”. I was 6, cousin was 8. Didn’t seem all that abnormal, wasn’t sexual (at least I didn’t think of it that way), and considering that until a couple years earlier our parents would often bathe us together, it wasn’t that weird for us to see each other naked. As I got older though, and I guess his molester got a little more hands on, things progressed. I remember I became very uncomfortable when he’d always be trying to touch me, and thinking “We’ll get in trouble if anybody comes around, we shouldn’t be doing this”. My protests were never met with threats or violence, just coercion or begging until I was too irritated to continue protesting. I was uncomfortable with fondling, didn’t like it when he talked me into letting him try to give me oral (nothing happened cause I was like 8), didn’t want to reciprocate, and didn’t really want to watch him jerk off either, but on holidays if we were alone, he’d just sit there and beg me to do all this stuff that even then I knew wasn’t quite right. After he tried to sodomize me, and then when I said “no way”, had me try it on him (again to no avail, which I thank god now as it probably saved me a lot of extra therapy), I told my parents. That was only because a few days later in school we learned about AIDS and I thought I had gotten it and was going to die. Well then of course here I am in fourth grade, and suddenly I learn the meaning of the term “gay” basically defining sexual activity between two men.

[name omitted]

I came home from the bar one night during my senior year of college, bars are a very rare experience for me, and stumbled into my apartment hammered. I made my way to my room where I found a freshman girl standing naked in my room. The vibe was really wrong. I’d made out with this girl before but never had sex. She walked up to me, grabbed my neck with her nails and said “fuck me like im your little slut.” It wasn’t hot. It was terrifying. I told her that she had to leave, and that I wasn’t into this, but she only became more aggressive. I’ve never hit a woman. I would NEVER hit a woman. All I could think was, “I need to hit her, the pushing isn’t working.” I couldn’t hit her. I could. not. hit. her. she said to me “If you don’t fuck me right now, I’ll call the police and report you for raping me. They will believe me, why do you think I scratched you?” She had torn up my neck and hands with her nails. I wanted to cry. I lost my stomach, I lost all the strength I had, and I lost contact with myself completely. I started shaking. I already had an erection, you don’t have control over this. She was on top the whole time, and I just laid there. I was on top of the world at the time and she took that all away from me. I lost all self-confidence and stopped trusting people completely. I didn’t go to bars anymore and as a result I find them to be highly anxious places. The pain is mental and psychological. I didn’t do much of anything for 3 months. My grades dropped, I felt sad all the time, and I wasn’t eating. I hated myself for letting it happen, I was pissed off that someone would violate me. I reported the incident and was basically told “men can’t get raped, don’t let her back in your house.” She did not get in trouble, she did not have to have a disciplinary review by the school, it wasn’t taken seriously. This whole thing happened about in oct of 2010 and I’m just now getting my confidence back.

[name omitted]

My best friend and one of my other friends had a threesome with this girl and about 3 months later I guess word got back to her and her friends and she was embarrassed so she charged them with rape. Them and their lawyers are strongly expecting that they will come out innocent as there are a lot of obvious holes in her story and they have a very strong witness for their defense, but just the social stigma of being charged with rape is IMMENSE

[name omitted]

In middle school English class for some reason we were talking about sexual relationships between teachers and students and our teacher told us a story about a teacher she used to work with. He had given a couple of girls some bad grades, possibly failing. They got really upset and decided to tell everyone that he had sexually harassed them. It was totally false and after months of investigation and fall out for this man, they finally admitted that they had just made it all up. His life was ruined though he’d lost his job, his wife had left him and taken his daughter, and the stigma would always follow him. All because of a couple of stupid girls. She drilled it into our heads that you never even joke about someone raping/assaulting you, because it’s serious stuff and has some serious repercussions. I cannot imagine being so angry that you think it’s okay lie about something like that, it just creates the idea that women who are really being raped are just making it up for attention or whatever.

[name omitted]

My first serious girlfriend was a controlling and emptopnally abusive woman who eventually forced me to have sex with her. I was very unpopular throughout childhood, growing up in the ghetto and being nerdy and well-spoken. The other children would alwaus tease me by calling me “white-boy” and “uncle tom”. Me tolerating this abuse led to me expecting the same treatment from potential partners. When I go to highschool something changed. I began to find groups of people who would allow me to hang out with them, and evebtually I met her. Tisha was her name and she was the most lovely, most intelligent girl in my drama class. I spent months trying to woo her, spending my every dime on gifts for her. Eventually I got her attention, the first attention anyone of the opposite sex had ever given me, and I was smitten. We dated for about two years, and things were wonderful at first. We did everything together, and she would call me in the middle of the night just to say she loved me. Over time though things started to take a turn down a dark path. Nothing I did was good enough for her any longer. She would yell and curse for me eating with my mouth full. She would throw a tantrum if I got out to meet her late on lunch. She would demean me and call me names for speaking to other people in her presence. At the time I thought it was her love trying to keep me from embarrasing myself. I thought she wantesd to protect me. I thought that I actually was worthless and that she was the only person who would ever care for me. It was nighttime and I wanted to tell her. I wanted to scream and rant, and call her all the things that I had 'practiced. I wanted her to feel the pain she had caused me when I said “I don’t love you and don’t want to ever see you again.” I could not find the words though. I was so terrified of this girl that I was trembling. When the words found my lips there was silence in the room. “No.” That was all she had for me. No query for an explanation, no emotional breakdown, no plea for us to be together. She had again made the decision for me. I explained that she couldn’t bully me, which brought upon her rage. She yelled and cursed and called me names. that I am hesitant to repeat. When things calmed (and I had given up on the breakup) she brought us tea. I refused to drink. I had heard rumors of her drugging a boy and performing fellatio on him (she habitually cheated on me), but figured it was hearsay. I have no proof to this day, but I swear that my beverage was too cloudy to be normal. Then she told me. She told me that we were going to have sex right that instant in her parents’ living room so I could “prove that I still love her.” I declined, not wanting the disgusting warmth of her body near me. What I got was covered in her beverage and the cup thrown at me. I don’t like going into detail of the actual event, but she straddled me, and in my mind her legs were like chains keeping me on the couch. Her stare like a dagger at my throat daring me to resist with a taunting smile. It was the single most horrifying experience I’ve ever had, and I wish I could convey the pain the anguish to my friends who would find the story funny. I still haven’t gotten over it entirely. I still fear that I’ll fall into the dependency, and that some other person will cause me the same pain Tisha did.

[name omitted]

When I was 7 I was raped by my one of my neighbors. She was 11 or 12 at the time. We had been friends for a while and she invited me to a sprinkler party. It was just me, her, and her younger brother who left at some point, I don’t remember why. It was in the summer but the wind picked up and the water started to feel really cold and she said she knew a way to make it feel warm. She told me lay on the ground and then pulled down my shorts. Since I was so young, I couldn’t really get an erection, but I remember feeling it get stiffer when she touched it. She took off her bottoms and started riding me. The worst part about it to me at the time was that this happened on the front lawn. I knew implicitly somehow that what was going on was wrong, and I was afraid my dad would come out and see us. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more shame. I told her I didn’t want to do it anymore, but she said it felt really good, and kept going. When I remember it, that’s always the part that I think hurt me the most, because it didn’t feel good to me. I didn’t feel anything. I remember I stopped it finally when I saw a car coming down the road, and I pushed her off me. But after that, and this is where I don’t think people will think very highly of me, I thought I had to continue what we were doing, because she was my friend, and even though I knew it was wrong, I still didn’t know what sex was, and so I thought I was just being shy. So I asked her if she wanted to keep doing it. She did. After that, I’m not sure what else happened, but I do know it screwed me up for life. I’m 23, I’ve never had a girlfriend, not sure if I ever will. I’m addicted to porn, that’s something I just admitted to myself not too long ago. I don’t have any major social issues, but I go through cycles of suicidal thoughts and depressive states. I feel a lot of guilt. For a few years after the fact, I felt like I was a liar when I said I was a virgin at church. On top of that, when I was in middle school, I had a chip on my shoulder because, internally, I would congratulate myself for having lost my innocence so young, but part of me always knew that what had happened wasn’t cool, or mature, or made me more adult. I still have lots of anger, and I have to control it, or else I try to hurt myself. I’ve read about this and I know now that, being as young as she was, my neighbor was probably a victim of abuse herself. Some days I’ve forgiven her, some days I haven’t. Today I still consider myself a virgin, in the sense that I’ve never had meaningful sex with someone I love. Not sure if that’ll ever happen. Anyway, that’s my story.

[name omitted]

When I was 17 or so I went over to party a bit with a few of my good friends. The plan was that after everyone had left I’d spend the night and crash in the guest room. The girls who lived there and our mutual friend (a girl) would also be there. In the morning one of our male friends was going to come over and we were all going to go to 6 flags. I was on some meds at the time, so I was only going to drink a small amount. One of the girls mixed me a drink and before you know I’m crazy pants drunk. The world is spinning so I go into the guest room to lay down and a while later they come in and start fooling around with me. I had a gf (they were even friends with my gf) but were just in the mood to mess around I guess. I told them I didn’t want to so they started making out. Now normally as a teen male this is awesome sauce.. But when everything is spinning and you feel sick, 2 girls making out isn’t that entertaining. Eventually they turned their attention back to me. The three of us have know each other for years upon years and always been flirty, but nothing ever came of any of that until this night. Even though I kept saying no my dick was hard as a rock. It’s hard to explain … I’ve been really drunk were my dick hasn’t wanted to salute. But in this situation it was like I was mentally drunk, but physically ok. At one point I even fell off the bed (basically rolled off the bed) to get away and ended up hit my head.. They got me a bandaid and went right back into fooling around. Anyways, even though I kept saying no they took my pants off and each of them took a turn riding on top while the other giggled and kissed us. No condom… No consent… Hell I was just mumbling at that point telling them I had a gf and I wasn’t feeling well. It was aweful.. It just felt confusing. Part of me physically enjoyed it even though I was feeling sick to my stomach and the other part of me felt such a loss of control it was scary. In the morning I didn’t know what to do. My memory was pretty hazy, but I remembered enough. They told me I totally was into it and wanted it and when I told my friends they all said, “dude you can’t get hard if you’re not into it”. Or “dude you had a 3some fuck ya!” Eventually one of the girls gave me a really heartfelt apology. The other (the ring leader) has never apologise and still maintained I wanted it.

[name omitted]

I know two men who were raped by then-girlfriends, one of whom joked about it in an uncomfortable way, the other of whom disclosed the whole story to me. He’d never had sex before. It happened quite simply: they’d slept in the same bed the night before. In the morning, she woke to discover he had “morning wood,” as they say. He woke up to her mounting him. Voila, rape: sex without consent. He didn’t know what to do – it felt good but it also felt wrong and like a shocking betrayal, because he had told her he wanted to wait. After a minute, he pushed her off him. His own extreme distress confused and baffled him; he tried to express to her how wrong her actions were, and she laughed at him and then basically mocked him for being so upset.

[name omitted]

I was 16 at the time and a dumbass kid. I had dated a girl for several years who was both physically and emotionally abusive. I broke things off with her, but things were not good in my life. I came home one night while my parents were out of town. She was sitting in my basement with a handgun. She told me that I was going 'Make love to her’ or I was going to never make love to anyone else ever again. To this day I have no idea what she meant by that specifically, but I did as I was told. I was still a virgin at the time (the two of us had never done it) and I just wept the entire time. She left and was engaged a year later. I was way too embarrassed to tell the police, although in hindsight I wish I would have, although I don’t really have any proof. I enrolled in Krav Maga a week later determined not to let anything like this happen again. I am currently happily engaged to a non-psychotic woman, but I can’t get over this odd crippling fear that someone will rape her. I know how disgusting I felt after the fact and I would literally murder any man that would think of putting her through that.

[name omitted]

I had just graduated, was 18 years old, and went to a friends party. We proceeded to get very drunk, and very high, and this girl (who was 15), started making out with me in the hot tub. I pushed her off of me because I wasn’t into her (and statutory rape freaked me out). But as the night went on I proceeded to get even more fucked up. At the end of the night, everybody went to crash with their respective hookups and she somehow swung it (while i was sitting passing out on the couch) that there was one bed available for the two of us. I offer to sleep on the floor but she insists and I was tired enough not to care. I lie down and begin to fall asleep to find her on top of me making out and then proceeding to give me head. I was kind of paralyzed, didn’t really know what to do. I was kinda just laying there freaking out about the legal consequences of this encounter, but unsure how to make her stop…after a while I just closed my eyes and pretended it was my ex so I could finish, then rolled over and went to sleep. Still not sure to this day who raped who, but I’m prolly the one that would have ended up in jail as a pedo. Freaks me out just thinking about it.

[name omitted]

When I was around five I was left at some persons house to be baby sat for the night. In the middle of the night the baby sitters daughter (also around 5) jumped into my bed. The mother (baby sitter) was also in the room. The mother basically instructed us to do things. Very little of it was penetration but it was all very sexual. I remember enjoying it quite a lot but being totally clueless. In fact I remember wanting to go back there so I could do it again. I never told anyone and still haven’t. This is the first time I’ve typed this. As I got older I realised that this wasn’t right. I never wanted to do anything about it. I’m nearly 30 now.

[name omitted]

About 15 years ago I was at house party with a lot of people, among them was women who been shown her interest in me for a while that I had repeatedly told that I wasn’t interested in anything more than being friends. Later that night she started bringing me beer from the kitchen. After I had consumed the first she had given me, which at first I thought was hitting me so hard because I hadn’t eaten, and was moving on to the next a friend of mine ran over and took it from me. He pulled me aside to tell me that the girl had been seen by several of the women in the kitchen putting “something” into my drinks and giggling that tonight was “my lucky night”. My friend moved me into one of the bedrooms and locked the door to keep her away from me. From what I was told later she was asked to leave once more people found out what she had done. And now on to the “good” part……. I don’t know how long I was passed out but I had flashes of movement and noise and someone being on top of me. As I started to come to I realized my pants were off and a women was on me, someone I had seen at the party but who I didn’t know. I kept saying “stop. get off” but she kept saying things like “It’s alright baby, you’ll enjoy this” . When she was finished she just up and left me there with my pants down. To this day I have no idea who she was. To be honest it took me a couple of days to realize I was raped … after all … men don’t get raped right? At least not by women. Or so I had always been told. As the days went on I cycled from anger to embarrassment and back. I’ve not once accepted a drink I didn’t personally get since. It’s been a long time, and I’ve long since come to terms with it, but if anything I’d have to say the hardest part was the fact that there was no support for men in this situation. I called rape help lines and basically got told to stop making prank phone calls and hung up on. I tried speaking to a counselor who got angry and kept asking “why are you saying this? Are you just looking for sympathy? What kind of man lies about something like this??” and asked me to leave her office. And I lost the one female friend who I thought I could trust to talk about it with.

[name omitted]

Had a fuckbuddy for a while, I was 22, her 21 and it was fun and games for a while, but whenever she would drink, she would get mean. Like spiteful angry mean, it was kind of disturbing. This occurred about six months after starting hooking up. Anyways, we’re at my house and I am in no mood to have sex with her. She was drunk after leaving a party earlier in the night and I was just having her sit it off so she could sober up enough to drive home. Her car was in my drive, so she would have had to come back to get it if I drove her home. I’m laying down, she’s on top of me and literally shoving her pelvis in my face. It’s amusing when I think of it now, but then I was just wtf. She ripped my pants off, threatened all this horrible stuff on me, the twisted part being that she would call police on me that I abused and raped her if I were not to let this continue. I was just done with her, but this was another level of her attitude. I was probably only partially erect, but enough to enter her. It wasn’t very long and wasn’t enjoyable. I didn’t ejaculate, she came and climbed off. I was fed up obviously at that point and we went outside. She was angry that I was not reciprocating like she wanted me to and just wanted her keys to go home. Despite her shitty behavior, I’m still a good enough guy to not let her drive her car home. I tossed them in the yard next to me and she went ballistic, threatening the same thing. “I could ruin your life with a single call, now give my fucking keys.” Stuff like that. I was left with no other option. I gave her keys and followed her home by tailgating her. It was late at night, no one on the road, and she lived no farther than a mile away (another frightening thought). As soon as she parked in her drive, I bolted, having never seen her again. Years later, she went to some of my friend’s workplaces (mutual friends) and was asking about me, wanting to meet up. I told them to lead her astray. I tell the story leaving out no details to others to kind of show how manipulation can be like rape, not simply physical overpowering. I could have tossed her across the room like a doll, but I didn’t want her bruising herself up or something and then calling the police saying I abused her (and they would have taken her side). I didn’t feel emasculated as much as I was angry that I allowed it to get to that moment. I suppose I just dealt with that kind of activity like it was a natural occurrence [shrug]

[name omitted]

I was raped when I was little. I was maybe four or five and she was an older cousin. I think she must have been 13 or 14. I never actually thought of it as fucking me up but I have some issues with trusting women and more debilitating, how I view women. Im pretty positive that my two sisters were raped by the same older cousin but I dont even wanna think about that shit. Actually this shit is so fucked up and Ive never thought of seeing anybody about it until right now. Its so hard to even type it. So we basically simulated sex because I dont think i could even get hard. Like I said, I was 4 or 5. There was a lot of of nakedness and we were under the sheets. Then when I was about the age of 6 until I was 8, another female cousin (who I found out later was raped by an older half-brother) and I dry-humped like every time we saw each other. Our parents were either working or drinking at family party. She actually performed oral on me and I would just feel around. Then another cousin would join and it was just a bunch of fucked up shit that no child should ever be doing. My mind is fucked right now. I dont want to go on but yeah.

[name omitted]

An ex-boyfriend of mine was raped - the way I understood it, he was at school late one night and the girl came up behind him, tasered him, handcuffed him to a tree, rode him until she came, tasered him again, and then undid the handcuffs and ran off. He, to this day, couldn’t tell you what she looked like.

[name omitted]

I must’ve been 21-22, something like that. I was out drinking in the company of a mix of long-time friends and acquaintances. At some point during the evening, my friend’s “yeah she was a bit crazy I’ll admit but we’re cool now” ex-girlfriend joins us. Drinking continues. The bar we’re at closes shortly after friend’s ex shows up and our group of 9-10 people split up and I find myself (quite inebriated) in some shithole bar together with friend’s ex and another girl. More drinking, accompanied by noticing that friend’s ex (let’s call her FEX from now on) is standing way closer to me than strictly necessary, like pressing up against me in the manner I’ve noticed some young ladies tend to do when expressing sexual interest in myself. When it came time for bar number 2 to close, describing my state of inebriation as shitfaced would be an understatement. Somewhere around here, my evening ceases to be one continuous narrative and becomes just a series of brief flashes. One way or another it becomes clear to me that FEX has every intention of having sex with me tonight and that we’re taking a cab back to her place. Her place being located at least a half-hour cab ride away. My place being located five minutes away by foot. No matter. I cannot walk un-assisted. I’m in a cab leaning against the window half-passed out doing my absolute best to not throw up. We pull over to the side of the road at least once so I can be polite enough to not throw up over some cab, but I manage to keep it down. I’m naked in a bed and FEX is sucking my dick. I have no idea what, if anything, else further happens until I wake up the next morning. Wake up with a hangover from fuckthatsucksistan. Manage to get dressed. I ask FEX how the fuck I get home without having to call a cab, and she in the process says “maybe we shouldn’t tell Friend about this”. I just agreed because at that moment I could not possibly have cared any less about how my actions or myself looked. Manage to get home without incident. Later that evening I get a text from Friend basically giggling about it. Turns out once I was out the door, FEX had called up Friend to confess what she and I had done in a less-than-awe-inspiring attempt to make Friend jealous or some shit. Friend just laughs at her and asks if she wants my number. FEX, realizing her plan failed spectacularly, sheepishly asks if I’ve “got anything [ie HIV, etc]”, so I can only assume the sex was unprotected. Friend and I go out and drink again a few days later and I’ve steered clear of running into FEX again. What else came after it? Not much. I’m not traumatized. I haven’t avoided or changed my interactions with the opposite sex in any significant way. I feel violated, but it was a long time ago and I’d rather not dwell on it. Now, was that rape? That depends on if you subscribe to the idea that there is a point of intoxication where consent cannot be meaningfully given. If you do, then yes, that was rape.

[name omitted]

When I was 16, I was very shy, very skinny (borderline underweight), and unsure of myself… and in a relationship with an older girl who was also taller and stronger than me (sadly.) I had never gotten into any fights before, so couldn’t really defend myself from anyone very well. I think you know where this is going. It’s one of those “flashbulb” memories to me now. We had been dating for a few months, and it was very physical. Sex whenever we would hang out, but we weren’t right for eachother, and she was an extremely manic and unstable girl, so I was going to dump her. Anyway, she drove to my house. No parents were home and we were watching television upstairs in the TV room. She seemed annoyed with me and it made it hard to dump her (at 16 it is a huge deal). I ended up going through with it, and she started yelling at me…poor soft-spoken Lanik. Saying things about how she was going to kill herself if I left her and all of these other horrible things. Then, (it’s tough to type this) she got this funny look on her face and just grabs me, starts trying to kiss me. I couldn’t push her off of me, and she ended up ripping my shorts off and mounting me using no protection what-so-ever. I just laid there afterward, because I was so confused about what had happened, and she just left and started texting me. I’ll keep this short but she later said that she was pregnant with my child, which turned out to be a lie, and my parents got involved and supported me through everything. My parents know, no legal action was taken, very few friends know, I’m OKAY now.

[name omitted]

My husband was raped by his “friend.” He never sought therapy for it and it surprised me how he was able to overcome his discomfort and “bad” feelings surrounding sex on his own. She was never prosecuted and was a rape victim herself, but it is not excusable nor acceptable what she did to my husband.

[name omitted]

A girl at a party wouldn’t leave me alone. She kept telling everybody we were going to have sex that night. I didn’t realize she really meant it; I just laughed it off at first. However, it started getting weirder and weirder, and I started making it clearer and clearer that I didn’t want anything to happen. She (let’s call her Carly) had a male friend that was in on it, and kept trying to get me to drink. I don’t drink alcohol, and that combined with my small size makes me pretty sensitive to it’s effects. At a point late in the night, he literally shoved the bottle in my face and made me drink. I started making a point of moving further away from him, which just ended up forcing me to sit near Carly and a female friend of hers. They started touching me, and although I pushed them away at first, as the effects of alcohol and marijuana made me more and more passive, they started groping me more and more. They weren’t subtle about it at all; one of them literally had her hand down the front of my pants. At another point, she grabbed my hand and put it down her bra, in hopes of turning me on; I immediately pulled away, but they wouldn’t leave me alone. The situation was in no way a turn-on to me, and honestly, fairly scary, so I stayed limp through the entire thing, which caused them to get more and more aggressive with their attempts. Eventually, Carly slipped a condom into my pocket and disappeared. Someone at the party found me and told me that Carly wanted me to meet her in the guest bedroom in five minutes. At this point, I was sick of the situation, and told him to tell her it wasn’t happening. He tried to object, but I talked over him, telling him that there was no way I was going into that room. He eventually left and delivered the message. I haven’t really talked to her since, and honestly, I don’t really plan to. A friend told me a similar thing happened to him; however, he was much more willing, so he didn’t view it as sexual assault. I did though; I can’t believe she couldn’t just accept that no means no.

[name omitted]

I used to work in a Christian book store when I was 17, and one of my bosses was this creepy gal in her 50’s that dressed like a teenager. First she would just stand really close to me, breathe in my ear when she talked. Then she started touching, then outright groping pretty much whatever she could get a handful of. I told her repeatedly that I didn’t like it and she told me that I had better learn to like it or get another job. I reported it to the main boss, another female, and was laughed out of the office. Eventually I had to quit. I’ve struggled with this for a long time and now I see that it could have been much worse.

[name omitted]

When i was in my early 20’s i used to hang out with a group of heavy alcoholics who were in their 40’s. One of the women in the group was my really good friends ex wife, somebody who didn’t hide that she wanted me. Being the drunks we were, i did end up hooking up with her, i think at the time she was 46. That was the worst thing i ever did, because she kept wanting to meet me every time she got drunk, and she was very aggressive. I used to make my other friends walk me to my room, and then lock it from the inside just so i could get some sleep. One day i woke up with her next to me(this was 2 years since we had hooked up last). My first reaction was how did you get in my room, then i saw her face, she had two black eyes, and bruises all over. She told me she slipped in the shower and hit the towel holder. I still to this day don’t know exactly what happened, but when trying to remember anything about the situation i have these fleeting images in my head that horrify me till today. I think i was laying in bed and she got in somehow and tried to give me a blow job. I don’t know if my memories are real, or I just made them up to fill in gaps, but I think i was trying to push her off, and just throwing punches at her while i was laying extremely drunk in bed. I think she waited till i got tired and then blew me anyway. Yea, its sex, yea its a blowjob, but she turned me into something that night I didn’t want to be. It horrifies me that i did that to somebody, let alone a women. But it was no less an assault by her, to force me to do something i didn’t want to do. Ill never justify hitting a women, but i think that’s what happened that night.

[name omitted]

happened to me in college on a bus back from a sorority formal. The girl was super drunk and got on top of me and kept making out with me despite me telling her to stop. I was surrounded by other people who were making out and tried to push her off of me but she wouldn’t get off and she kept calling me a bitch and telling me to shut up. Later, after I unfriended her on facebook and told her not to talk to me again, her friend told me that I sexually aggressive and had left bruises on her hips from “aggressively dancing” with her. I heard that she told her friends that she was going to fuck me, then afterwards told them that I had come on to her. It’s messed up that women have that kind of power of men, when being accused of sexual assault is one of a man’s greatest fears.

[name omitted]

as a gay man, I’ve gotten a lot of unwanted sexual attention from straight women. I’ve found that some women (especially when drunk), knowing full well I’m gay, will still try to hook up with me. Anything from random caresses to full-on attempts to make out or put their hands down my pants, to the point where I have to physically push them off. I think some think it’s funny, some thing it’s a legitimate challenge, and some are just shitfaced, but it’s essentially sexual assault and it’s extremely disrespectful. Some might think it’s harmless, but at it often feels like my sexuality isn’t valued as legitimate. Also, unwanted sexual advances are really shitty, no matter who’s making them to whom. Macho culture seems to think that anytime a girl comes onto a guy, he should be flattered, even if he’s gay. I’m sure some people will read this and still have a “DM;HS” attitude. Complaints of this nature are seen as ridiculous. I know it’s a two-way street, and I think it’s in terribly poor taste when gay men are playfully sexual with their female friends, e.g. “I can slap your ass because I’m gay, lulz”.

[name omitted]

I have a gay friend. He’s an ungodly beautiful man, a mix of German and French. Blonde and blue eyes, with a lean figure to match it with. We always joke around about how I love the fact that he’s gay, less competition with the straight ladies. (And believe me, if he were straight, a dozen girls in earshot would immediately drop their panties for this guy). So with this in mind, he tells me one day about how many times girls would just take advantage of him when he’s drunk. Often times, he’d wake up cuddling with some unknown woman. Women would fight over who gets to make out with him when he’s drunk. They purposefully make him drink to get him to this state. He says these things jokingly to me, he acts a bit indifferent about the topic. I don’t think he’s ever gone all the way with a girl but I can tell that it bothers him still. It’s kind of scary to think of being in that situation.

[name omitted]

I guess it’s considered rape even though she is younger than me she got me drunk at a party and what I thought was her being polite giving me a place to lie down turned out to be her giving me a blowjob and then having sex with me. I was lucky enough that some friends came in during the act looking for me and got me out of there. (She was a very large girl that has apparently done this to a lot of men we know) I really hate that vulnerable feeling now that I realize people will take advantage of it.

[name omitted]

My story’s a bit ambiguous, but here goes. I was in a relationship (a few months in) with a girl I had it bad for. She was, however, quite manipulative. She had a history of having been sexually abused as a child and I think that brought about some of those manipulative traits. It also resulted in her being of a mindset that, deep down, men just want sex – after all, all the other men in her life were like that. The tension and pressure slowly built – little rules for seeing her and so on. Until eventually there came one day where, in the course of a few hours, she brutally broke up with me, then came over to my place, described her own rape in explicit detail, started talking about how we can get back together if only I was willing to sacrifice this or that and maybe never talk to certain friends of mine she didn’t like – the works. Things were heavy and hard to navigate. I was still upset from the breakup (she must have left for my place as soon as it happened over the phone) and crying. Not really thinking straight at all. I was agreeing to all kinds of crazy things that I would do in the future, and the manipulation was in full gear. There were never any demands, just little quirks of hers and what kind of a horrible guy doesn’t understand that someone with her past needs a little something extra? Even if that little something involves entirely giving up your regular life? At any rate, the waterworks were flowing and she came over to me. Started touching me, things moved on, she kissed me. I just sort of sat there and, after a minute or two of it, kissed back, not knowing what to do. But it got sexual fast, and I had never had sex with her before. I stopped her and said no, but quickly found out that that was the wrong answer. It’s not that I feared violence or anything: I’m a little guy, but the thought never really crossed my mind. Rather, what happened, was she just looked at me and told me that she doesn’t want to be alone. That she wanted me to love her and that she didn’t want her past to make her be alone forever. It was up to me to make everything right. Me, still crying, completely dazed and confused. Apparently my shirt was already off. I didn’t remember that happening at this point. I simply had no ability to think, to know what was happening, to make a decision. And so she was on top of me and I guess we had sex, in some sense of the term. It didn’t work very well; I wasn’t very erect. I was not unlike a robot. Mostly still, moving occasionally because that’s what happens in this routine. It ended and she left. I never heard from her again. I called a few times, not sure why. I hated her after all that but called anyway; curious more than anything else. No reply though.

[name omitted]

When I was 18 I was like every other 18 year old male, young dumb and full of… well, you get the idea. I was a Senior in HS about to graduate and I had the world at my finger tips, or so I thought… Myself, along with good friends of mine, got invited to a “pre-prom” party, and I don’t want to give the mis conception that I was a popular kid who always went to high school parties, I was neither a “loser” or a “cool kid” kinda just average and went with the crowd you know? Anyways, there was this girl I was interested in, in my eyes, she was the most magnificent and beautiful girl I’d ever seen, and I wanted her… I wanted her bad… So the majority of the party I was drinking and trying to hit on her, probably using every socially akward penguin move in the hand book, just completely making an ass of myself, when eventually she just got tired of me and decided it’d be a good idea to pawn me off on one of her friends. She told me she had a hot friend who was really into me, as an 18 year old half drunk dude, I was rather impressed and she took me upstairs to meet her friend. We went upstairs and she took me into one of the bedrooms and said she’d be right back. So I sat on this strangers bed trying to control my boyish horomones when she finally came back, with my drink in her hand and one for herself, I knew it was my drink because I awkwardly chew the rim on all my cups, sort of a nervous thing like biting your nails, I dunno. Anyways, she told me she couldn’t find her friend and that she’d send her a text, we kept drinking and she told me she thought I was cute and that I shouldn’t feel bad for her not taking an interest, it’s just that her and her bf just broke up and blah blah blah. At this point I was starting to feel a bit weird, not sure whether or not it was the atmosphere or what, but something wasn’t right… She said she could tell from the way I was acting that I wanted a gf, and not just a quick fling, and she wasn’t ready for another commitment… So here I am, an 18 year old intoxicated boy trying to save face, when I say I’m not looking for anything serious, just want to make my graduating year one to remember… She puts down her drink, puts one hand my left thigh, reaches her other one behind my neck, pulls herself in and says “I won’t tell if you don’t” and begins to kiss my ear… Needless to say I’ve been holding back a raging hard on for some time now, I nearly explode inside my underoos, and just when she reaches for my belt THANK FUCKING GOD her friend walks in… or at least, that’s what I thought… Between the shear embarassment of almost nutting in my pants and this weird sensation I was experiencing I thought this was my chance to escape. Now, her friend I have to inform you, was far from “hot”. I don’t mean to sound rude, or prejudice by any means, but this girl was the kind you cringe at when you see them at wal-mart. Thinking back I’m pretty sure the girl I liked, kept this girl around to make herself feel better about herself Not wanting to be rude to her friend, who we will call Amanda and definitely not wanting to ruin what I thought was about to happen with the girl I like who we will call Kendra I pretended like I wasn’t utterly disgusted. Her mammoth of a friend came and sat down on the other side of me and asked me small talk questions like what I thought of our teachers and shit, while I looked back at Kendra and she kind of just nodded with a smile, before I knew it Amanda had her lips plastered on my neck like a fucking octopus, I realized I was now drugged and defenseless, the nod Kendra gave wasn’t to me, it was to her friend. I didn’t realize I had let go of my drink and it was all over the floor. From this point I remember trying to politely beg them to stop, but Kendra turned from a sweet innocent angel to a raging cunt and said something along the lines of “What!? A second ago you were ready to fuck me, is your dick too good for her?” that sounds wrong now, but it was something along those lines, this bitch was crazy… I remember trying to sit up but I could barely move, I remember thinking to myself atleast if they rufied me I wouldn’t be able to keep it up, so what’s the worst that could happen, let’s just say they didn’t rufie me… Before I could do anything my pants were undone and Kendra had her hands around my member, while Amanda was trying to suck the center of a tootsie pop through the front of my face, I swear this girl had never made out with anyone in her life all I heard was Kendra say “Okay have fun” and the door shut, I remember I started crying and felt such a sense of shame I tried holding my breath so I’d pass out as Amanda slid herself onto me. I literally felt sick to my stomach as this whale began to slop herself back and forth ontop of me. I remember trying to push her off but she was so big when she got a hold of my wrists she pinned me down, I was so fucked up on what ever was in my drink I was helpless… I just lay their silently crying while being taken by this beast. After that I don’t really re-call what happened, I woke up on the floor in a pile of puke and all sorts of bodily fluids, started to panic and vomitted again, I remember gathering myself and searching for a condom or a wrapper, I thought that’s what Kendra was doing when she had her hands on me, but I was so, so wrong… I got awkward looks at school, never did end up going to prom, and had some assholes send some photos to me via text of that night I’d never forget. It’s true that I haven’t told a soul until now, but apparently the douche bags at my school thought this situation would make for a great photo op. I dread the day I see those photos online, all I can do is hope that they all are gone, via phones dying, hard drives malfunctioning, but every single day it haunts me… Kicker of it all, 9 months later I had a baby boy. This sounds grotesque but bare with me, it turns out Kendra wanted to get pregnant but didn’t want to fuck anyone, so she paid her behemoth friend to rape me, and give her my sperm, I only know this because they were stupid enough to talk about it on Nexopia (Old site like facebook that was around before Myspace and FB) So this fat bitch made me bust inside her gunt, apparently came back and sucked me off for another shot, and then they poured it into Kendra. Now this is a whole lot to take in, almost sounds too far fetched to be true, but you can’t make shit like this up. Kendra’s parents called my family, apparently they were planning to say I raped her, got her pregnant, and claim child support, there were many messages back and forth between the two of this giant elaborate plan to destroy the rest of my life as if they haven’t already, but she left her computer on one day and her mom saw the messages while cleaning her room. Kendra’s mom contacted my family, then the police, and to this day I still haven’t reported it. I simply said I don’t remember what happened… That’s all I feel like sharing for now…

[name omitted]

At a house party, a Japanese girl I didn’t know arranged, with friends of hers, for me to get stuck in a bedroom with her, and kinda threw herself at me. But she was half my size, and after an awkward period trying to dissuade her, her friends came to check on us. At that point, I was fully clothed, she was half-naked. I got up and walked straight out of the house. Told my girlfriend (who was elsewhere) the whole truth, she thought it was hilarious. Later, a friend told me the story that made the rounds: I got drunk, trapped this girl in a room, tried to ravish her (I won’t say rape, because in the story she was into it–to quote, it was “like an American movie”), but we were interrupted and I ran away. Luckily, everyone I knew believed me. Apparently the girl went back to Japan a few days later (end of term), and I never heard anything more about it. It could have been so much worse for me.

[name omitted]

I was on a cruise ship going from Italy to Spain with a bunch of friends from school. Drank probably what was too much. She did not drink at all. I wanted nothing to do with her (she was not appealing to me, sorry to sound shallow). Somehow we ended up back in my room. I remember bits and pieces but do not remember any actual penetration happening. Friends have all told me slightly different stories so there is no way to tell what really happened. Regardless, I woke up the next day feeling horrible and it took me a while to feel normal again. That would have been my first time if it did happen and the whole not knowing thing really scarred me.

[name omitted]

I was drunk, but not in what I would consider a condition to say no. I was blackout drunk and got filled in on specifics later by my friends who had seen what happened. I met the girl a week before at a small get-together. I was told there was a girl that liked me there and wanted to be introduced, so I went over. She was unattractive and frankly, rather boring. In any sober situation I’d have said “no”. When we met up again, she asked me to play beer pong with her. I suck at beer pong. Lose every time. I figured I’d be a good friend though and play with her. A couple guys I knew handed me a couple drinks (rum mixes, though with the beer and the flavor, I misread how much I was drinking), and I ended up having to sit down pretty quickly. She only had the beer from the games and claimed a high tolerance from drinking experience. She sat with me and we talked for a while. This is where I got filled in. At this point she led me upstairs by the hand, and through a few rooms. She obviously didn’t know which ones were unoccupied because plenty of people saw me with her. I woke up with her naked with a used condom laying next to me. Of course it’s always possible she just stripped me and someone else came in and did her, but I doubt that. Great for a first time, right? Now, like I said, some people take situations like this differently. Some call it rape, some don’t. Personally, I figure I fucked up. She wanted sex, I didn’t, but I fucked up. If I got into a car in that state, it would be my fault. Why not this? It’s not like she drugged my drinks. Gotta say though, the worst parts were wondering if she would get pregnant from something I didn’t know about or if she would try to screw me over for not trying to call her back or something (She played beer pong too. If she claimed rape, I KNEW I’d be fucked despite drinking more and being in a worse state). I got plenty of bad jokes directed at me afterwards, but that was the worst part.

[name omitted]

I was in college living in the dorms and had a lot of trouble sleeping. I was still a virgin at the time, I’m bipolar and have a very stunted sex drive (an entirely separate issue but somewhat relevant.) I would often take walks late at night, this particular night there were three girls sitting out, one being a lesbian I had previously met on my late night walks. One girl seemed to have her eye on me, and the conversation quickly turned to drugs, and me stating that I had both some marijuana and alcohol. We ended up going to the grocery store and getting the supplies to make Leary biscuits (it’s a sort of cooked marijuana cracker) and went to the lesbians dorm. At this point I’m assuming all three girls are lesbians. We get back and make the biscuits, and I also had a flask with me. They were actively encouraging me to drink but refused to participate. Two of them ate a biscuit and the other refused, stating she didn’t do that sort of thing. I was told it would be a shame to see all those others go to waste. At this point I’m incredibly high, and incredibly drunk. This is when the sober one makes her move. There was no subtlety, she hopped up on the counter and started rubbing my leg, having said no more than 5 words to me all night. She then drug me to the couch and layed down with me, pulling my arm over her. We stayed that way for a while. I seem to remember this amusing her friends in some way. I later got up to leave and she insisted I was in no state to walk to my room alone and followed me out. On the way back she stopped me and asked what I would do if she kissed me. I replied “I don’t guess I’d fight it.” She got pretty into that until campus police came around the corner, and she drug me to my room and pushed me onto the bed and jumped on me. I’m so mentally out of it I have no concept of time at this point, it felt like hours of making out, clothes came off at some point. I was so jacked up that I spent well over a minute trying to find the back clasp on her bra only for her to point out it was on the front, right in front of my face. At this point the realization of this whole thing sort of sunk in and I kept moving myself off her only to have her position herself under me again and in my state I caved. I stuck my hand down her pants at the exact moment her phone rang. It was her boyfriend. That’s when my situation started to catch up to me, a feeling of sheer terror. I knew nothing about this girl. My previously mentioned low sex drive causes some self esteem issues surrounding that topic, and I felt like by that point I was obligated to just go with it, for fear of being less of a man. Luckily the call from her boyfriend scared her, and she insisted we go to sleep. She even drug me back to her place to sleep. It never quite set right with me, and the longer I thought about the whole ordeal afterward the more sure I was that her being sober and me being totally drunk was no random circumstance. She was not a physically attractive girl, and her boyfriend was hundreds of miles away. She started just showing up in my room, trying to finish what we started and I blew her off. I was made to feel like the aggressor, and told that her boyfriend was a mexican gang member (she was from mexico) and if he found out he would come for me. I got disgusting looks from the girls everywhere I saw them. This caused me a lot of turmoil. On one hand she clearly intentionally got me into a state of altered consciousness for the purpose of getting me in bed. That’s textbook sexual assault. On the other hand, regardless of my state I take great pride in taking responsibility for my own actions. I did little to attempt to stop her, and I never once said the word no. It’s true I would never have done anything like that sober, but I feel like, at the moment, I wasn’t opposed to the entire ordeal. To this day I’m not sure what the ratio of blame between us is.

[name omitted]

I got drunk at my going away party. A long-time friend who I wasn’t really attracted to but knew was attracted to me happened to call me. In my obliterated state, I asked her to come over so I could say goodbye. She followed me up to my room and, for all intents and purposes, took advantage of my drunken state. In the morning I was extremely upset and told her to get the fuck out much to her surprise. She later called me demanding an explanation. I told her that I felt like she took advantage of me and that she should have been the wiser since she wasn’t drunk, and that had the roles been reversed, I’d be looking at rape charges. She turns this around on me and starts to say that alcohol doesn’t make you do anything you don’t want to do, and it’s not like I wasn’t able to get it up, etc. etc. She goes so far as to say that she had two shots before we got into bed and so she was drunk too, and that what I’m saying is an attempt to hurt her for reasons I can’t imagine. It never got resolved and I never spoke to her again. What really pisses me off though is how everyone insists (Females, too, which blows my mind) that I wasn’t raped or taken advantage of and that I 'asked for it.’ I could tell the story a million times to a million people and they’d just chalk it up to me being ashamed of 'sleeping with a big girl.’ Of course though, if I tell the story about 'my friend, a girl’ and 'some douche’ it’s rape, and she should report it. I’ve been told multiple times, too, that a woman can’t rape a man unless she’s wearing a strap-on/other phallic device is involved. The whole thing just pisses me off.

[name omitted]

I was raped at 13, by a 15 year old girl. She was a lot bigger, and I was pretty much a 5'2 twig.

[name omitted]

A friend of mine essentially got raped a couple days ago, although he would never admit it. We were out drinking at a bar with some female friends. At closing we realized we had no way of getting home and the girls invited to stay at their place (which was a couple of blocks away). When we got there a very drunk and persistent girl started to talk and drag him into the bedroom. He keep hinting to me that he wanted to leave and was shooting me “let’s get the hell out of here glances.” I was to drunk to realize exactly what was happening and never considered that he could actually get “raped”. Anyway we left their house the following morning and he told me he told her he didn’t want to do anything but she insisted. I cannot explain exactly what happened in the bedroom. But he seemed unhappy with the nights events but would never admit to actually getting raped or take advantage of in anyway. Just as I think any guy would admit to it either. But given what he said and did, I think I would have been very concerned if it was a girl that was in the same situation and would almost certainly think it was rape.

[name omitted]

I’d just gone through a terrible breakup with a woman I was living with. It was about two months after the breakup. I wa still in a really depressed state, but also trying to snap myself out of it. I was working in a cafe and whenever some coworker mentioned something was going on I was glad to take part in it, just to get out and do something and take my mind off the breakup. There was one coworker in particular, Julie (fake), and we had a lot in common. At almost any other point in my life I probably would have thought she was great. But at this point I really, really, really didn’t want anything to do with women beyond friendship. She made a move on me once. I told her basically what I just wrote above; she’s great, but I just can’t be with someone right now. We hung out a few times after, and everything seemed nicely platonic, so I thought case was closed. I have a party in my apartment and naturally invite my coworkers. The night is getting late, I’ve been drinking heavily. One by one they all start to leave until all that’s left is me, and Julie. It’s getting late and I know she doesn’t drive. We’re talking, nice and platonic still, but I drop hints about how late it is, is she going to be okay getting home? Yeah, she’s fine, don’t worry about her, she’ll head down and hop on a bus. She finally makes her departure, a nice short quick hug and goodbye. About 3 minutes later there’s a knock on my door. She missed the last bus, could she call a cab from my place? Oh, and while waiting for the cab, can she have another drink while she waits? I’m plastered, barely able to keep my eyes open, sure yeah whatever. I don’t remember exactly how things happened next. I was in a chair, struggling to stay awake when she grabbed my face and started kissing me. She pretty quickly had her hand down my pants an autonomic functions were taking over. My eyes were closed, all I could think of was how this was the apartment I had been sharing with my previous girlfriend. She took me in her mouth and I felt the tears trying to escape. She pulled me to the bed at some point. I don’t know if I orgasmed or not, all I remember is later lying on my side, pretending to be passed out while she whispered about how good we were together, until I finally did pass out. I quit my job about a week later. I din’t speak to any of my coworkers from that time again. I still remember how badly I wanted to cry, and today (about 7 years later) I still almost cry every time I think about it.

[name omitted]

I am furious that male rape gets as little understanding, sympathy, or space for discussion as it does. Men should not have to grow up feeling like they should always want to get laid no matter what, nor ever be put in a situation where they cannot say no. I hope this issue gets more attention, so that we can realize that sexual abuse is not just man to woman, but so that also men can stop feeling the need to deflect issues about women feeli