Yesterday someone mailed me cash for a James Garfield ChrisKwanzaaKahRfield card but instead of real money they sent me a Canadian $10 bill. Which is kind of fucked up because 1) I wasn’t aware that Canada had different money than normal people and 2) I don’t even know what Canadian money is supposed to look like so for all I know someone made this on their printer and is just fucking with me. It looked suspect:

I asked Victor what I should do with it and he said he’d take care of it which means “You’ll never see that $10 again” so no thank you, Victor. Instead I went to the grocery store and decided to use it there. I figured that I couldn’t buy American stuff with it so instead I picked up $10 worth of Canadian bacon but when I got to the checkout the cashier just looked at me suspiciously like I was some kinda counterfeiter and she told me I had to use real money. Then I was all “This is real money. I’m pretty sure it’s a Canadian ten dollar bill” and she was like “You can’t use Canadian money here” and I’m all “But I’m buying Canadian bacon. So the Canadian parts cancel each other out”. Then she’s all “This is ham” and I’m like “Yeah, Canadian bacon is ham.” Then she looked confused and I’m all “I know, right? It’s like Canada is trying to make things difficult” Then she called her manager over and she also said she was very sorry but that I’d have to have the Canadian money exchanged. And I’m all “That’s what I’m trying to do. I’m trying to exchange this money for bacon”. Then she stared at me and looked at the money again like there was an answer written there and I’m all “Yes, I realize it’s Canadian money but this is Canadian bacon so if you cancel out the common denominators this makes sense.” She still didn’t get it so I drew her a picture of how it works:

But the manager just looked at me and said again that they don’t take Canadian money because they hate Canadians and don’t understand how algebra works. Except she didn’t say that last part, but it was implied. Then they told me that I had to pay with real money or they wouldn’t let me have the bacon and so I just left. I don’t even like Canadian bacon, y’all. Instead I just gave the cash to the Salvation Army guy on the way out. Then he was all “Oh. Bless you.” and I’m like “Dude. Don’t bless me. You can’t even buy bacon with that.”

Thanks a lot, Canada. Your money is useless here.

Comment of the day: The depressed guy looks like Bill Maher. I’d be depressed if I was Bill Maher too. ~ mommica