[portland-list] do not divorce your parakeet yet

Well said. This should be made into a published zine that gets handed to everyone on the way out. Mandatory reading. Thanks AM On Fri, Sep 10, 2010 at 4:20 PM, Albert Kaufman <albertkaufman at gmail.com>wrote: > An important public service announcement from Mlle via the Colonel > from Arctic Monkey on the NY Burners guide: > > ==================================== > > The Arctic Monkey's Post-Playa Decompression Guide > > > > In the interest of helping give a concise, helpful, guided re-entry > > into civilization after being at Burning Man, I wrote down a series of > > rules for Radical Re-Entry. After seeing four email threads flare up > > and two potential life-changing events start up with various friends > > over the years, here's the short version: > > > > Monkey Re-Entry Rule Number 1: > > Wait three weeks before you make any life-changing decisions. > > > > But let me change that up a bit so it makes more sense. > > > > When returning from the playa, you will be hot, dusty, tired, > > exhausted. Your body will have undergone immense stress, and if you > > live in a vastly different environment, your body will likely react by > > getting a cold (especially if you kissed anyone at the Space Froggie > > Free Kissing Booth). > > > > Step 1. Take a shower, hippie. Shave, shower, steam everything off. > > Take two. Or three. Then go to sleep. You need it. > > Step 2. Clean your gear. Wash your clothes, car, stuff, or pack it up > > into the Burner corner of your house. Pack it away and dry it out. > > Recycle, do your garbage, and wash your dishes. Get it put away. > > Step 3. Breathe. Go through all your Burner stuff from this year, sort > > and organize, and then happily stash it away for good memories for > > later. > > > > Now that your physical needs are out of the way, let's go to the mental > > needs. > > > > OMGWTFBBQ THAT WAS AWESOME! > > > > Yes, it was! Wow. Did you see that one guy with the thing? Those two > > girls? That...why are you looking at me like that? I'm just trying to > > explain it to you. > > > > Right. The people who didn't go are going to eye you with either > > jealousy or trepidation, and your social acceptability standards while > > on playa are different from the real world. While you CAN expect the > > world to change to fit the Burning Man model, it seems to work better > > if you don't try to put your shoulder up against the wheel of the Real > > World right away until you figure out how that whole leverage thing > > works as more than just a metaphor. A single butterfly may make > > changes to the world's weather, but sometimes they just get blown into > > a bug zapper by the wind. Slow down there, Mr. Burner Evangelist. > > You've got 360 days before you're heading back to the Awesome. Let > > your own brain process the nifty neato cool awesome, then hand it off > > to others. > > > > You just don't get it. > > > > Okay there, Mr Cranky McCrankerpants. Did you forget to take your > > 5-HTP afterwards? Are you still dehydrated? Are you wondering what the > > $3,490 charge for "snacks" might be on your visa bill? That's your own > > stuff and it's not up to the people around you - your loved ones, your > > hamster, your dog, your listmates, your campmates, your neighbor - to > > make accomodations for your emotional state post-playa. That's > > entirely your bag of playafied emotional entanglements to work > > through. Take a few more minutes to consider what you're saying on > > email to people. Reread, check your emotions, and maybe put down the > > phone to keep yourself from doing irreparable harm to your > > relationships because you didn't sleep for a week and are still seeing > > the Sleep Deprivation Leprechauns in your dreams. Slow down. Put your > > gear in order, wash your dishes, go for a long walk. Then go back and > > talk to your friends. If this is directed at people you camped with or > > your patience level is abysmally low, > > ?maybe you should also take what we in the business call "A Chill > > Pill" and go shut up in a dark corner with some Funyuns for a while. > > Not bitching people out for supposed insults or slights or yelling at > > people for their "stupidity" is a good way to keep and maintain your > > friendships. Also, try not to play Mr. Huffy or Ms. Huffy about > > imagined or unimagined stuff that went on or didn't go on at the event > > that you failed to communicate and ergo, the other party SHOULD have > > known by magically reading your mind/emotional state. You will keep > > people from thinking you're a total whackjob and/or raging asshat who > > can't communicate. And you may keep your friends, instead of driving > > them before you. > > > > And now back to Monkey Rule Numero Uno, PERIOD. (See? I ramble, but I > > return to the point.) > > > > DO NOT MAKE CHANGES TO YOUR LIFE FOR AT LEAST THREE WEEKS AFTER YOU > > COME BACK FROM BURNING MAN. > > > > Do not quit your job. Do not divorce your wife, husband, sister, dog, > > parakeet. Do not sell all your possessions and move to Tibet to be a > > monk. Do not ditch your car and travel the world. Do not found Hobbit > > Camp. Do not plan a giant zeppelin for next year's Burn. Do not move > > out of your house, break up with your girlfriend, boyfriend, get > > married, move in your playa lover, sell your car, ditch your friends, > > or make other rash decisions after you come home. This is important, > > because the playa is still going to be in your brain, and the effects > > are like that of rareified stupid sometimes. It will make total sense > > to have a threesome with your significant other and someone in an > > enormous rabbit costume at the Burn; in reality the ears get caught in > > the ceiling fan. Make sure if you have major life decisions to make, > > you make them AFTER you settle down and settle in. The emotions and > > the stress will still be in your system for some time; do not allow > > them to unduly influence y > > ?our life. > > > > Take some B-vitamins, some 5-htp, drink plenty of water and eat a good > > meal or two that you cooked yourself, go to bed early and read a good > > book. You earned it. That major life-changing decision will still be > > there in three weeks, and if you reduce the sheer volume of stress you > > have, it will make those decisions easier to deal with AFTER you have > > time to put away all the other issues and emotions post-Burn. > > > > You might not pay any attention to this little guide, or you might > > say, "That's for suckers! Real Burners quit their jobs and go work in > > an iron foundry with those guys they met that one night on the playa > > or go get married with that beautiful playa nubnub in Vegas! We don't > > need your stinkin' recommendations, Monkey!" And you would be right > > (and I will happily watch you run off while popping my popcorn and > > pulling up a chair). But if you want to have an easier time recovering > > from the playa, you might take a little time down to remember what the > > rest of your year goes like, and adjusting your brain, your living > > patterns, and your emotional safety nets accordingly. It really does > > help, especially if you THINK you got all the dusty bananas out of > > your tent before you packed it away. > > > > Anyway, that's it. Don't stress. Pack your stuff away, and wait three > > weeks before making any life-changing decisions. > > Oh, and be nice to people. At the end of three weeks, you can be a > > jerk again if you want to. > > > _______________________________________________ > portland-list mailing list > portland-list at burningman.com > Unsubscribe and options: > https://lists.burningman.com/mailman/listinfo/portland-list >