In a feat of ultimate lameness, Delta Air Lines apologized on Wednesday for handing out “creepy” Diet Coke napkins on recent flights. The offending napkins went old school and encouraged love-struck passengers to write down their phone numbers and pass along to their “plane crush.”

Local Twitter loser, @ducksauz, got his panties in a twist after passing his number out to every single living, breathing woman on a recent Delta flight and receiving exactly zero calls back from any of them.

“Mike J” was equally bummed. Apparently, he spent an entire 9 hour flight watching everyone else on the plane exchanging napkins, never being handed one of his own. Immediately after deboarding, he took to Twitter in a rage.

JetBlue, unstirred by controversies so clearly the projections of insecure weenies, announced that they have partnered with Pepsi to produce their own “creepy” napkins. But they are kicking it up a few notches.

“Love is great and all,” said a JetBlue representative. “But sex is way more fun.”

JetBlue’s napkins sponsored by Diet Pepsi encourage passengers to become new members of the coveted Mile High Club.

Anyone have a pen we can borrow?