Is he cheating?

Steps to catch a cheater in the act

Most women have wondered at one time or another how they can guard against their man if he’s cheating. Or better yet, how they can catch him cheating. Although it would be the most obvious and easy, I think most women would rather not experience the trauma of finding him cheating...red handed in the act, possibly in their own bed. This is a pretty awful scene, real or imagined. I think the majority would rather come across it a little more indirectly. Of course there are many methods and steps to try to catch a cheater. They range from the very stealthy and borderline devious to the direct confrontation.

I have two things to say about this before we go any further. If you are so insecure in the relationship either due to your own hang-ups or he really is giving you ample reason to suspect him of infidelity, then you probably don’t belong in the relationship to begin with. My rule of thumb is if I spend more than a quarter of my time distrusting, thinking negatively of, or suspecting this person, then it is not my time, energy, or especially my love and devotion. The other is, why waste your time and energy on the investigation anyway? Given enough time and leeway the cheater inevitably nearly always “hangs himself”. If you are suspicious but downplay it or don’t show it at all he will often become too comfortable in his lie falsely believing he is pulling it off so well that you have no idea. But, if you simply must know now, and can’t wait for him to slip up so badly that his cheating is all but undeniable, here are a couple of ideas for you to push things along.

Catching a cheater: The Devious Approach

He is exhibiting some classic signs of a man carrying on illicit affairs. Things such as working late more often, being a little more tethered to his phone than normal, losing interest in sex at home, and becoming generally disengaged. You suspect him but have no hard evidence and you can stand the suspense no longer. Plan some sort of fictional trip out of town that seems plausible and could be corroborated by others you may choose to bring into your confidence. Something like a business trip with colleagues or weekend getaway with a couple girlfriends (the kind who would back you up if he talked to them). Plan the trip, pack the bag, have the fake departure, but don’t leave town. Stay at some out of the way motel and carefully observe him and his movements and activities throughout the weekend. If he is cheating, he will almost certainly take advantage of this golden opportunity. It sounds terrible I know, but I told you in the beginning I would not recommend any of this because if you feel the need to go to these lengths something big is missing from the relationship anyway and it is most likely doomed to fail sooner or later.

Catch a cheater: The Direct Approach

If you want to be a little more upfront about things and save yourself the time of concocting an elaborate scheme such as the one above, just come straight out and ask him about it. But don’t make it too easy for him to simply sidestep or deny. Find some piece of evidence like a text, picture, email, phone log, strangely perfumed shirt, or car missing from the work parking lot when it shouldn’t be, and put it in your back pocket to use if necessary. Then simply tell him you have had a strange feeling and suspect him of cheating...woman’s intuition. Do it at a time when he can’t make an excuse to get out of talking to you. Don’t build it up too much or he’ll know something's up. If he denies it outright at first, come at him with your piece of evidence. If he sidesteps this, refuses to explain himself, or simply continues to deny it, then pull out the last stop (going back to the devious tool bag on this one). Tell him you received a text that was obviously not meant for you. He must have sent you by mistake and reveals he has been talking to another woman. If he still won’t crack you’re either barking up the wrong tree and have done irreparable damage to the relationship or he is sold on his lie and the only way you’re going to get him is to catch him red handed in the act of cheating.