BDSM shouldn’t just be spanky stuffs but usually (and mostly) it is considered to be the main part of it. What happens when that element is taken away? Are you still in that dynamic?

The answer is yes. Of course, you are.

BDSM, for those who don’t know stands for bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadism & masochism (S&M). Your dynamic can be all of those, a little bit of them all or maybe just one. There are no rules – you do you and stuff whatever anyone else is doing. BDSM is a power exchange between consenting individuals. It isn’t about how many whacks you get, what you are tortured with next or who ties up who. It is about a release – whether you submit or dominate, top or bottom, do both or one.

But when you enjoy that element and its taken away – how does that make you feel when the environment you socialise in is a consent reminder of Impact Kink?

An imposter that’s what.

I am a very sexual creature. I need attention, love and I need to feel wanted. I crave his attention so much so my tendencies could verge on the Little side of things. Outside our bedroom door, I am a complete wimp. The slightest poke, not that kind 😉 would have me sulking and making out I’ve been nearly killed when in actual fact, I could have just stubbed a toe. My OH can’t understand it and to be honest, I don’t really get it myself but inside the bedroom though, I can’t get enough pain. I’m a stubborn bitch too – I won’t and don’t safeword too easily. I think in all the years of us playing this way, I may have safeworded just once but I can’t remember why now. I have a high pain threshold and the harder we play, the harder my release, of course when I am eventually allowed to.

I tried – I really tried to be happy when I saw others sharing kink and we weren’t taking part like we had been previously. I felt like an utter bitch but I couldn’t help be jealous. I wanted that and more importantly, I needed it. I needed him. Rage built inside me as the need took over. I needed to know why. Why had we been so active and then nothing unless something relating to bondage came for review and even then he was tame.

Why? What changed?

I needed to understand why he stopped? Especially when I could see he wanted to. And eventually, I found out why. The last time we played he felt he had gone too far (in his mind). If I remember correctly he drew blood and I think this really impacted him. I tried and tried to have this conversation many times but I guess when the time is ready, people will talk and he needed his time to heal. Gut instinct thought this might be the case but after constant reassuring him that he hadn’t gone too far and I was ok, I was sure it couldn’t be this. But to him, he had gone too far.

So where do you go from there?

You communicate – and more so than you have done previously. And this is exactly what we did and we started to play again – in baby steps. We have been building back up to where we left off and I am super pleased 😀

Communication is the single most important aspect of any relationship but it is even more important when to comes down to a relationship that has a BDSM factor.

Communicate your boundaries, your interests, your fantasies, your worries and create a safeword.

Realise that even if your relationship is new or years old, it’s always important to constantly refresh these views. Remember, communication isn’t always verbal. I am lucky to play with someone who can easily read my body language. He just seems to know my boundaries – he knows exactly how to get me to that point without crossing the line. I am thankful every day I have someone like him to play with <3

So what does all this mean for the blog? Well more posts – more bondage related reviews and I’m hoping a few advice style posts too but we shall see how our journey goes.

This image shows a little of our latest antics – isn’t that handprint incredible <3 I feel all floaty looking at it! So much more to come from us – so watch this space. I am very excited to see what way our journey will go.

Ps. You can read more pieces or look at images from our journey here

BDSM Diaries: Communication is key was last modified: by