I read a little Nietzsche. I practise a little pretentiousness. He was funnier than most give him credit for. He wrote:

“Even concubinage has been corrupted- by marriage.”

It’s even funnier in its original Nineteenth Century German.

Nietzsche’s T-shirt slogan reads: God is dead.

It got me thinking; if God is dead, what could have killed God? All I could come up with is: God tried to figure out once and for all, if God is All-Powerful, could God make a rock so big that even God couldn’t lift it? And so, God made a rock so big that even God couldn’t lift it, and it gave God a heart attack.

The following is the 9-1-1 call God made.

911: Nine-one-one, what is the emergency?

God: I’m God! I’m dying!

911: Where are you?

God: I’m omnipotent! I’m omnipresent!

911: Where is that?

God: It’s everywhere! I’m everywhere!

911: Could you narrow that down for me, sir?

God: I’m not sir, I’m God! Help me!

911: Sir, God, you’re going to have to calm down.

God: My entire left side is radiating so much pain! Oh my Me!

911: Calm down. You haven’t told-

God: Help! Please, I haven’t finished primary colors! I’ve got-

911: God? Are you still there? Are you still on the line? God? Hello? God, you there? It’s me, 911.

End of call.