New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft and coach Bill Belichick (Jamie Squire/Getty Images)

The New England Patriots are racist-adjacent. Their owner and quarterback kick it with the racist-in-chief, who not only openly opposes anything not white and male but openly loves the New England Patriots.





So the New England Patriots are racist-related. While they can’t be considered straight-up racist, their helmet emblem is of a white man wearing a fucking American-flag mullet.

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So they’re racism’s cousin, and this is why black America needed a win in Super Bowl LI. We needed to beat racism even if it isn’t really racism. We needed to beat the Boston-area fans. We needed a win. Which is why all of black America was rooting for the Atlanta Falcons on Sunday. If for no other reason than to dance on Trump’s timeline like, “We’re not the father!”



At halftime, black America was up 21-3, and we were prepping our Jordan crying-face memes.


But then something happened, and I knew when I saw this shit that there was a glitch in the matrix:

Timothy A. Clary/AFP/Getty Images


Somehow, Tom Brady Trumped the Jordan-face curse. Instead of black America getting the win we so desperately needed, Brady solidified his position as the greatest quarterback of all time and arguably the third-greatest white man racism has ever known (the top two slots are owned by Trump and the real president of the U.S., Steve Bannon), and Brady has done this while not being overtly racist. Hell, I don’t even know if he is racist, but I know that he is who racism cheers for. It loves the man because he represents core white-America values.



First, he’s white.

Second, he has a chin divot, and more than pickup trucks with oversized tires, racism loves chin divots.


Third, he’s married to a model.

This was the Trap House vs. the White House. And in the end, just like the election before it, the White House won.


In the scheme of things, big things, like fighting the worst president in American history, Super Bowl LI won’t mean much, but when it comes to black America, we needed this one, but even Migos could not have saved Atlanta from Brady. I don’t know how yet, but I’m sure Russia had something to do with this.