"I do have wisdom and I do enjoy dispensing it," Adam Carolla says after answering fan-submitted questions for Esquire's Ask a Comedian feature. "I feel very strongly about my performance here." Carolla, who says he considers himself an entertainer at this point in his prolific career, has a lot going on as usual, including his popular podcast The Adam Carolla Show.

Most notably, the comedian recently directed his first film, Road Hard, which he also co-wrote and stars in. The movie, out Friday in theaters and on VOD, is loosely based on Carolla's own experiences touring comedy clubs. Carolla tapped into crowd-funding to make the film and even enlisted Bryan Cranston to help urge fans to donate money to the project. "If you're a Bryan Cranston fan, it's worth it," Carolla says of the video with Mr. Walter White, "and everyone is a Bryan Cranston fan."

And now, here's the advice Carolla is very proud of giving.

How do I handle a crazy landlord? He doesn't believe in evolution or in paying someone to fix things in my apartment.

—Ashley, New York City

I believe you can fix leaky toilets, sinks, and dishwashers, but you cannot fix people. Horrific landlords are sort of like horrific roommates where you need to cut loose and move. If you're around religious nutjobs who won't come up to your apartment with a monkey wrench and fix a shower, you should move. Or find Jesus Christ. I feel like if you went to that guy and you timed it just right where you ran into him while holding a Bible, you could say, "I'm running late for my Bible study class. There's never a bad day to really study the good word." I think then later on you could say, "God came to me in a vision and said he wanted you to fix my garbage disposal." I'm just assuming he's religious since he doesn't believe in evolution, so either you find religion or you find a new address.

You've mentioned that you are or were seeing a therapist. Do you feel like it helped for you? What sort of therapy do you recommend?

—Chu, New York City

Seeing a therapist is good for anybody because you're in the process of trying to better yourself psychologically and engaged in that and I think that's half the battle. I do believe there is an act of therapy you should be engaged in, even if it's simply saying that once a week for an allotted period of time you're going to stop what you're doing and focus on your emotional health. You taking that hour a week is an important part of the process. In fact, I'm going to challenge all the readers to do this. Do therapy whether you have a good therapist or a bad therapist—it's about the process. Make it far away. Your therapist shouldn't be within walking distance. And don't go just so you can check a box and then go right back to your horrible behavior that's leading you down a dead end. You have to work. So go and make sure you implement whatever you've learned there.

"There's never been a better time to be bald for a dude."

I'm 21 and I am unfortunately balding. It's been happening since I was 15, but now it has finally become noticeable. I can't tell if I have trouble finding a woman interested in me because of my hair, or because I'm self-conscious about it and it shows. Should I give up and shave my head, or should I work on my confidence and not worry about my hair?

—David, Kansas City, MO

There's never been a better time to be bald for a dude. In the '70s and '80s, bald was weird. It was like Uncle Fester and Mr. Clean. Back then bald was a weird way to go through life. It was a novelty. Now you got Michal Jordan—there's plenty of bald brothers—and you've got Bruce Willis. You think Bruce Willis is hurting for pussy? What women can't stand is the coverup. For example, nobody cares that Lance Bass is gay. What bothered us is that we thought he was gay and he wouldn't tell us. We hate the coverup. So Bruce Willis doesn't bother us, but Donald Trump does. We know he's hiding something. Don't do the combover or the weird bangs. Women see bald and they're fine with it. Just buzz it off.

Being a proctologist by trade, I often deal with patients with anal itching. I would like to know what advice you have to help deal with this annoying problem.

—James, Roseville, CA

First of all, I have a proctologist reaching out to me over an anal-centric problem? I feel like you should be stripped of whatever certificates or merits you've achieved because you've built your career around assholes and you're asking me what to do about an ass-related problem. If you were my proctologist—and I have three, although I only travel with one—I would be very upset. That being said, I've found that there's certain activities that begat more of that activity. So when it comes to the anal itch, it's psychological. So you can use your mind and push through the impulse to itch and it will magically go away. It's mind over anal.

"Excuses like 'It's moving too fast' are not true."

I started dating a girl at the end of January. Things were going great and we had great chemistry, but she told me Sunday that she was scared and thought things were going too fast and we should be friends first and see what happens. My question to you is: Is this like any shitty romantic comedy where I need to go make a grand gesture to show my interest?

—Sean, Orange, CA

This is not going to end well. You need to move on. There is no such thing, that I've ever experienced, where somebody really likes somebody but asks to be friends. The thing about sexual attraction is that there's always time for that. All these excuses like "It's moving too fast" or "I'm focusing on my career" or "I just don't have time" are not true. It's simple. Is anybody who's reading this ever really been into someone and then just said "No"? It exists in movies over and over again, and I don't know why. But the reality is that if they're not in, then they're not in, especially if they've already sampled from your Hickory Farms Summer Sausage platter. She's not into you and she just doesn't want to have this very uncomfortable conversation that is apparently not uncomfortable for me to have since I'm miles away from you and we don't know each other.

I work as an independent erotic massage provider. I love my job and have no intention of quitting. When dating, how long should I wait before explaining what I do?

—Allison, Toronto

Erotic massage provider? I'm trying to cut through the euphemism here. It that what they refer to as the "rub and tug"? This is like a garbage man calling himself a sanitation technician. If you meet a fellow on the job, there is no explanation necessary because you obviously met on the massage table. So you can date a client. But if you don't want to, maybe Hallmark or one of the other card manufacturers has a card that broaches this sensitive subject. But my personal policy as an atheist is that as long as you're doing your job with one of those baggy plastic gloves they wear at Subway or even a fun, themed oven mitt, I would not tell them. As I've always said, more mystery and less history.

Should I hang onto my third car, a 1988 Trans Am GTA, with any hope of it being worth something someday? Or should I just hock it now before I wrap myself around a tree?

—Brent, Seattle

As a guy who studies those markets, I'm now seeing plenty of cars from the '80s and even '90s go up in value quite a bit. Those are mostly Porsches and Ferraris. Vintage cars from the '50s and '60s are worth millions of dollars, but you look at one from the '80s and it's not worth anything. Well, not now, it's not. But eventually we'll be as far away from the '80s as we are from the '60s now. Twenty years from now everything will be vintage. Look at computers. Everything eventually will be old, including us. So that being said, I'd keep it.

Emily Zemler Emily Zemler is a freelance writer based in London.

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io