By Geraldina Buchevski SEP 14. 2017

It’s that time of year again, the leaves are coming off the trees, pumpkin spice lattes roam free, and men are cumming where they shouldn’t be.

Sexual assault is a big problem in the Greek community, and males in Fraternities are considered three times as likely to commit sexual assault during college. UT Arlington, until recently, has been a bastion for a safe and positive Greek experience; Often going at least 3-7 days between sexual assault allegations.

The catch has received word that “an incident” has occurred on the onset of “rush week”. Rush week is a biannual Greek Life tradition where the irrelevant and unshaven members of each fraternity attempt to indoctrinate and financially castrate as many young men as they can. The usual activities during this rush week include: endangered species hunting, eating well done steaks, and apparently, Sexual Assault.

This incident is indeed so bad, that the UTA’s own office of Fraternity and Sorority life (FSL) has reset their now infamous “Days Since Last Rape” noticeboard.

“It really doesn’t come as a surprise,” said FSL director Johnny Robinson “boys will be boys you know.”

Dr. Robinson was then asked about the two fraternities on campus with a clean Title IX record, ΒΘΠ and ΚΣ. “Oh those losers?” he replied with dismissiveness “they’re all fuckin’ virgins lol”

The Office of The President could not be reached for comment.

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