So about a month ago, Principessa Jessa spoke as some church convention on the topic of modesty. I can assume she gave some fashions tips she stole from a 1947 copy of Look Magazine. But oh, how I would have loved to be a fly on the wall of that forum, just to see if she mentioned anything about the obvious fact that modesty is not just a uniform to wear…it is a way of life. And, if that is true, Jessa is not exactly…well…modest. I have the feeling it would be like watching Kim Jong-Un talking to a room full of his citizens on why dictators are bad people.

I like to use old school Disney as an example of what modesty is, and I think it’s a valid example, seeing as the Duggar women seem to enjoy using terms lime ‘waiting for Prince Charming’ and ‘staying pure and modest for my soul mate.’ But when you see Snow White, Cinderella, and Aurora as characters, what do you think of, other than sexist mid-20th-century interpretations of the ideal female? You see kindness, blandness, and deer-petting. You see helpfulness and genuine humility, self-sacrificing girls who don’t once talk about themselves or complain about their situations. You see sopranos twirling around in long skirts getting married before they even sprout boobies.

Miss Jessa, as we all know by now, is a camera-addicted, self-indulgent woman who relishes in fame and doesn’t care one whit about humbling herself in any way, shape, or form. Even when the TLC cameras stop rolling, we see evidence of this through Facebook posts, selfies, and stories of her behavior in public.

So, why is she preaching about modesty? Even in fundamentalist circles as horrendously dim and dismal as the Duggars’, modesty is taught as being a quality that has to appear within as well as outside. Purity is supposed to be worn as a badge of honor…but doesn’t that in itself contradict what modest behavior is?

According to dictionary.com, modesty is defined as:

1-the quality or state of being unassuming or moderate in the estimation of one’s abilities.

2- behavior, manner, or appearance intended to avoid impropriety or indecency.

Let’s take a moment to examine both definitions, guys. And remember, this is the honest-to-Zeus literal meaning of the word modesty.

The quality or state of being unassuming or moderate in the estimation of one’s abilities. In layman’s terms, someone who’s humble and doesn’t assume that they’re better than anyone else. The natural message of Jessa’s beloved Quiverfull society is that they are, in fact, just better than everyone else for the sole reason of claiming to be followers of Christ. This means they breed better, they breed more, they have better lives, and they are the only ones worthy of heaven. They see themselves as the higher standard that the heathens below must aspire to or die.

And if you think I’m exaggerating, look at the Financial Freedom Seminar that Jim Boob followed in order to get out of debt. It was a Gothard-approved class that centered around the idea that the creme de la creme of Jesus’ Army have no need for Earthly things like credit or a paper trail. And while credit CAN lead to a lot of problems (I should know), in moderate amounts, credit is what makes you able to buy a house, get a car, and assure that you’ll be covered in hard times. The seminar begs the question: if shit ever hit the fan for real, and TLC finally did the right thing and threw the Duggars to the curb…how would they feed their many, many kids? Keep the roofs over their heads? Those commercial properties they rent out will cover less and less of their extravagant lifestyle (complete with big-ass play houses and private jets) over time. Without credit or government assistance, they’d be sunk. But that will never happen, because they’re good enough to have permanent insurance through ChristLine.

Jessa is so sure that her family is perfect enough to maintain this lifestyle that neither she nor her husband do any valid work. Supposedly, Ben is taking sem courses on preaching, but that’s as close to ‘work’ as they’ve ever seen. Ben could just be a shitty pastor and never get a congregation large enough to grift off of. And Jessa’s constant public appearances bragging about why her lifestyle is the only right life to lead don’t exactly help her demonstrate how humble she is.

Let’s look at the other definition…behavior, manner, or appearance intended to avoid impropriety or indecency. THIS is the one we get bludgeoned over the head with in every other 19KaC episode. The girls can’t wear skirts, thighs are nakedness, don’t show collarbone, Nike, etc. But, honestly…have you seen the things Jessa gets away with wearing these days?

Just because they’re under fabric does NOT mean they can’t be seen, Jessa dear. And just because you were pregnant doesn’t mean you have the right to pull ’em out and wave ’em around in our faces like a pair of ILBP nunchucks. If you keep your countenance in your chest, then congratulations, you’re either Pamela Anderson or a Care Bear. And don’t think that it’s ok because you’re married. That doesn’t put a cloud of automatic modesty over your Duggar-Juggars.

Oh, and remember the dress from the episode where she so modestly opened her legs to the TLC crew so she could shove Spud out?

That shit leaves NOTHING to the imagination. Nicki Minaj’s anaconda took one look and orgasmed himself into oblivion. I can practically see the cellulite!

All joking aside, I think the picture has been painted. Jessa Duggar has no business telling anyone about what modesty is. Not just in her poor clothing choices, but in her piss-poor attitude, which comes directly from her pre-marriage headship, Daddy-Bob. She has the type of mannerisms that would get her face punched on a weekly basis in any public school in America. Blame her upbringing all you want, and I do to an extent, but anyone with a brain can look in a mirror and think “Oh, this shirt is too tight across the chest…you can see my bra line and that’s not modest” or actually remember that you’re an irrelevant D-list celebrity who only has any kind of TV show because somewhere along the line, TLC sold their souls for a few bucks…and act like it.

Oh, and anyone who would willingly pay a $20 cover charge to watch this annoying, insufferable, miserable, self-ass-kissing, spoiled brat talk about sincere modest behavior and dress had better be rich as hell, because they don’t have the brainpower to steer a Hot Wheel car around the edge of a quarter. As for what clown thought Jessa would be a great example of modesty for an audience of young women of ANY religion, they need to have their heads smashed in by a heavy, moldy, lead pipe of reality. Jessa is a laughable, naive little girl who grew up being told that she was a princess who deserved to get her way…and that’s why I think Cinderella could take her ass to the cleaners any day of the week.