How did The End of Men come about?

It started as a story I was writing for the Atlantic magazine. I was following a small group of men through the recession and there was this one particular guy who was out of work and had split from his girlfriend. In my mind, I kept trying to get them back together and get him back to the place where he used to be in his life. Then one day I realised that he wasn't going back to that place because there was no place to go back to. His ex-partner had taken over most of the roles that he used to play. That was when it first occurred to me that something very fundamental had changed.

I was also running Double X at the time, the women's section of the online magazine Slate, which meant statistics about the changing situation in the workforce, in education, were coming at me every day. So the picture just clicked for me and it turned into this big story in the Atlantic with the headline, "The End of Men". I didn't choose that – my editor chose it – and, yes, it is harsh and provocative but it just stuck for me. It seemed right for this particular moment, so I kept it.

Are the gender wars an issue that has always preoccupied you?

No, not at all. I grew up in a working-class Israeli family, which was feminist only in its female-dominated structure. My mother was a powerful matriarch but it was a very traditional set-up: my father was a taxi driver and my mum took care of me and my brother. So I wasn't steeped in the American feminist orthodoxy. I actually feel slightly miscast in this role on one side of the gender wars because I usually range quite broadly across American culture in the kind of reporting that I do.

But would you call yourself a feminist?

Yes, I would definitely call myself a feminist. That is an easy one for me. I think we should all call ourselves feminists.

Do you think you have struck a chord with The End of Men?

I think I have definitely struck a chord but the way it sounds to people is wildly variant. Young women seem to be appreciative, particularly of my take on the hook-up culture [no-strings sex between college students] and this idea that they are not entirely victims in the new dating game. Feminists don't like the argument because they say it makes it seem as though women have totally won and there isn't anything more to worry about, even though I actually don't feel that way at all.

In many respects our country is still stuck in 1962, as far as women in the workforce are concerned; we don't even have proper paid maternity leave in the US. As for men, they have ranged from being angry to deeply appreciative and more than happy to get the burden of being the breadwinner off their back.

How do you respond to critics who accuse you of 21st-century stereotyping in your portrayal of women as organised go-getters and men as lazy, unambitious couch potatoes?

I actually think that is a fair criticism. I was trying to capture a certain little slice of society, so I was intentionally looking for couples who exemplified the changing dynamic and it was only when I put the whole thing together that I realised there was an echo in couple after couple. At the very end of the book, I do talk about men's capacity for flexibility, especially at key moments in history, such as the end of both world wars. But it's true that as a series of portraits it does emit certain stereotypes and I don't know what to say about that. I'll have to fix that in my next book.

If this really is the end of men, how do you account for the fact that women remain underrepresented in the higher echelons of power throughout the world and still don't get equal pay for equal work?

The equal pay for equal work thing is complicated. The figures that are usually quoted, which in the US are that women earn 77 cents for every dollar earned by a man, don't take into account the fact that women usually work shorter hours than men. If you eliminate that discrepancy the wage gap is tiny. But that is not to say that there isn't a problem. You have to ask the more sophisticated question, which is why do women work fewer hours than men? Is that a reasonable decision made by women because they want to have a better work-life balance or is it down to the messed-up way we structure our workplace, which means women have tremendously more responsibility in the domestic sphere?

When it comes to women rising to the top, what I'm doing is making a projection. What you see now is women putting in place a structure that will enable them to rise to the top. They are earning the credentials, getting the experience. But we are still in a moment where we are uncomfortable with female power and particularly female power of a dominant, aggressive kind. There is definitely something about the idea of women at the top that we are still getting over.

You dedicated the book to your eldest son, Jacob, nine, "with apologies for the title". What is his view of your argument?

He is offended by the book. I wish I could show you the notes that he puts on my attic door. It is very hard to explain to a nine-year-old what I mean by "the end of men", and what the positive elements are for men such as him who are likely to be college-educated and come from resourceful families. A lot of this is likely to be better for them: removing the burden of breadwinning, making it possible for him when he is older to date a woman who makes more money than him and that not being a big deal, being able to be a more involved father and that not being a big deal. However, at this moment the actual title of the book is very hard on his ears.

What is your next project?

I wish I had one. Right now, in between public appearances to promote The End of Men, I am working on sleeping and taking yoga classes.