I speak German. I’ve never heard of a jerk doing that.

Dear J,

Why do people sound cultured when they order in French at a French restaurant, but like jerks when they order in Spanish at a Mexican restaurant?

“Je vais pour le poulet.” (Wow, that guy is getting a second date.)

“Voy a pedir el pollo.” (Geez, buddy, the waiter just spoke to you in English. Trying to show off that you speak another language? No one cares. I hope you pronounced something wrong and accidentally said something insulting and they’re spitting in your chicken…hipster jerk.)

On second thought, people who speak French still kinda sound jerky to me.

I think I might need to travel for awhile (like you can with your quad-band world phone!).

-Mike