New Job

You're never ready.

Look, buddy, I know you think you're hot stuff and all. I know you been school bus monitoring for five years, that you've broken up your fair share of fights, that you've seen the tears flow like fountains, that you've got a quick hand when it comes to doling out band-aids and Neosporin.

But look, in my eyes, you're still just a rookie, got me? Because this ain't normal school. This is wizard school. And when school starts in a couple of weeks, you're going to be riding on a magic school bus with magic kids who are just itching to blow off some magic steam without any magic teachers around to slap their magic little wrists with a magic ruler.

These kids aren't gonna smack each other; they're gonna turn each other into frogs. They're not gonna yell at each other; they're going to utter incantations and wave their wands and all the sudden there'll be a snow storm inside the bus. They're not going to try to make out in the back seat; they're going to try to make out in the back seat... magically... or something.

Here's what I'm getting at: you think you're ready, but you are not ready.

Wear this shirt: to cover up your hog warts.

Don't wear this shirt: if you've shrunk yourself to go on an adventure through Ralphie's insides to find out why he's sick. Seriously, wasn't that episode gross?

This shirt tells the world: "There is magic all around us. Like magnets and stuff."

We call this color: I shall say the words and turn this coal into silver!

Back to top