How theatres deal with idiotic audience members

Last week I wrote about the rudest audience members Ive encountered in 20 years of live theatregoing. Realizing I couldnt.

A sign at Absolute Comedy clearly (and hilariously) spells out the house rules.

Last week I wrote about the rudest audience members Ive encountered in 20 years of live theatregoing. Realizing I couldnt be the only person to have these complaints, I asked some theatres what their policies were regarding bad audience behaviour.

The staff of all our theatres, including ushers, are instructed to stop people from taking photographs and video, says John Karastamatis, head of publicity for Mirvish Productions. Sometimes that leads to altercations. You ask people if theyre using their phone, they deny it, you ask to see their phones for photos to force them to delete something and they get mad.

You might think comedy clubs, which usually serve booze and have an extensive food menu, would have a more relaxed policy on cellphone use. You would be wrong. At Absolute Comedy, any kind of cell phone use is prohibited.

No texting or cell phone use is allowed during the show, says Ryan Maglunob, Comedic Operations Manager at Absolute Comedy in midtown.

Our doormen are instructed to tell anyone who has their phone out to put it away, even if it’s just sitting on the table. There’s always the urge to pick it up if it’s sitting on the table, so we try to minimize that. Our cell phone policy even extends to the performers. We ask them to not have their phones out while in sight of the audience as this might make audience members think it’s okay to have theirs out too.

Sometimes the person onstage will get in on the action, calling out cell phone jerks.

When Billy Crystal performed here [in his solo show 700 Sundays], he wanted us to stop all cell signals in the theatre, which we couldnt do, says Karastamatis. Sure enough, there were people whose phones went off during the show, and Crystal stopped them every time. Put it on vibrate and stick it up your ass! he said many times during the run. He couldnt believe they had no respect for him.

This isnt generally a problem at plays, but for some reason people think its okay to talk back to a comic. (And were not talking about improv comics asking for suggestions here.)

Absolute Comedys Maglunob says some patrons argue that theyre helping the show by making themselves heard.

No youre not, he says. The performer spent a lot of time working on their wording and timing, without their help in mind. Not many comics welcome audience interaction.

Even if youre not heckling a comic, commenting between jokes can be distracting to those around you and the person onstage.

We hear the following arguments a lot: I wasn’t talking, I was laughing. Are we not allowed to laugh at a comedy club? says Maglunob. Telling your friend that something the comic said was so true, happened to you or that your mutual friend did that too isn’t laughing. Even trying to make a joke to your friends and making your table giggle can be distracting to the performer onstage and other tables around you, especially when you’re not laughing at something the comedian said.

Yuk Yuks comedy club has a couple of techniques to dissuade talkers.

If I sense before a show that a crowd is rowdy, Ill slowly start turning the music up, so they almost have to scream over it to be heard, says Ryan Tonkin, sound and lights guy and head door person. By the time the show starts they dont want to talk.

At the door, Tonkin tells everyone old and young not to use their phone or talk during the show, just so they cant say afterwards they werent aware of the policy.

And a shows MC is responsible for spotting potential problem areas: a drunken bachelorette party, for instance, or a loud office party.

If something happens after the first act goes on, Ill tell the host to say something to the crowd, says Tonkin. If theres a problematic group, Ill usually tell one person in a party that if their friends wont be quiet well cut the entire group off alcohol. That usually does the trick. In some cases, the problematic people leave and their friends stay.

At the Tarragon, which has a heavy subscription base full of audiences who generally know theatre etiquette, if one of the volunteer ushers sees someone eating a bag of chips, theyll tell them to eat it in the lobby, according to director of communications Lauren Vandervoort.

Serving alcohol can cause problems: talking, fights. Mirvishs Karastamatis says the show with the most incidents was Rock Of Ages. Arguments would erupt during the show, and they had to bring in the police a couple of times to settle disputes.

With that show especially wed find empty mickeys of liquor and beer cans under the seats, he says.

The Mirvishs Karastamatis says that the two biggest problems at the companys theatres are cellphones and heavy perfume users. Every time you get a large number of people together in one place, he continues, a small percentage will do something that will be upsetting to someone else.

We regularly get emails from people who were upset to sit close to someone who had mobility issues or were very large, he says. They didnt like having them in their eyeline and suggested putting such audience members together in their own section. How can you reason with someone who thinks this?

And just because you dont like a particular act doesnt mean you can throw things at the performer. That happened a few weeks ago when stand-up Bryan OGorman played Yuk Yuks.

A woman threw a drink and it hit the backdrop of the stage, says Tonkin. Even as I was leading her out, she was trying to grab drinks from tables to throw. He had made a joke she didnt like. Its weird what alcohol can do.

And then there are the social justice warriors, people who yell that what theyre hearing isnt appropriate. I tell them that we are 100% uncensored, and this is not a safe space in that respect. When they get irate, I have to explain they cant get refunds. They get upset and say that their opinions dont matter.

I tell them that theyre welcome to bring that up onstage themselves every Tuesday at amateur night.