LOS ANGELES, CA — Uncle George has been ghosted from Indiana Jones 5, according to screenwriter David Koepp. Apparently creating the character and writing/producing his prior cinematic films to record-breaking box office success is not enough to prove your worth. In the new Disney era, it really does come down to ‘What have you done for me lately?” Clearly not enough in Lucas’ case. While Indiana Jones and The Crystal Skull was a modest success at the box office, critics took a whip to its sci-fi story involving UFOs. To get Lucas’ side of the story, one of our most trusted spies connected with The Maker’s dog walker via Grindr. What we discovered will shed new light on Lucas’ conspicuous absence. After the jump, we present…

The top 10 reasons George Lucas is NOT involved with Indiana Jones 5.

In case you hate reverse type on an image, below is our list in plain text:

Top 10 Reasons George Lucas is NOT Involved with Indiana Jones 5

10. Suffers from pentaphobia

09. Producing an experimental art house film with Shia Lebouf instead

08. Simply cannot top the lead-lined refrigerator bit from Crystal Skull

07. Refuses to work with Harrison Ford again unless he’s entirely CG

06. Wanted Short Round to return as a geisha with a heart of gold

05. Spielberg would not film Lucas’ Episode VII notes and call it Indiana Jones and the Ancient Fear

04. Lucas’ GoFundMe for a planned Indiana Jones/Night at the Museum trilogy failed to raise the necessary $6 trillion

03. Doesn’t want anything to do with Spielberg after the BFG

02. His “Snakes on a Train” story was filed under Never in a Million Years

01. He enjoys watching other hacks kill his most beloved creations

As always keep it locked to FakingStarWars.net for the best Star Wars satire in the galaxy.

-William “Willybobo” Bobo