“New Hampshire: It’s the state always asking Vermont to do something about the weed smell. But today they were the state holding the second Democratic primary, and because normally the most exciting thing to do in New Hampshire is watch mountains grow, Election Day gets the people going like nothing else.” — TREVOR NOAH

“The reason the primaries start in Iowa and then go to New Hampshire is because it’s important that we know what the very whitest people think first.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Voting in today’s New Hampshire primary started at midnight last night in the 12-person town of Dixville Notch. ‘Dixville Notch’ is also what Joe Biden called a voter that disagreed with him. [Imitating Biden] I’ll pop you in the kisser, you dirty Dixville Notch.” — SETH MEYERS

“Dixville Notch sounds less like a place and more like something Joe Biden would scream after stubbing his toe.” — JAMES CORDEN