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Squidward Is Not A Squid And Your Whole Life Is A Lie

Remember when we found out Hello Kitty isn't actually a cat and the entire internet freaked out? It's happening again, sort of.

"SpongeBob SquarePants" creator Stephen Hillenburg revealed in a 2005 -- yeah, THAT long ago -- video that Bikini Bottom's resident grouch was actually an octopus, not a squid.

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This little detail went relatively unnoticed for years and years until now, and people are flabbergasted about the big news.

But there's one important caveat: Squidward has only six tentacles on the show, while octopi obviously have eight.

Hillenburg says two tentacles were dropped to make the cartoon easier to animate, which makes sense we guess, but we can't help feeling a teensy bit deceived. I mean, why call the character SQUIDward if he's not actually, ya know, a squid? This is why I have trust issues.

To help you process this huge betrayal, we brainstormed some much more accurate names for Squidward's character given this info. Here's what we came up with:

Octoward Nickelodeon Obviously. He is a pretty awkward dude anyway. Octogus Nickelodeon For some reason, this name seems to really represent Squidward's personality. Octony Nickelodeon This sounds like someone who would know how to play clarinet. Oscar Octosmith Nickelodeon This sounds like one classy dude. Tony Tentacles Nickelodeon Bikini Bottom is all about the alliteration. Oliver Octogrump Well, the "grump" part is definitely accurate. Eighty Nickelodeon But would it have to be Sixty since he's only got six tentacles?

Or maybe the other two tentacles are hidden and only emerge when he's on land, as one Twitter fan cleverly observed: