This story was selected as one of the 15 best GolfWRX stories of 2015!

Heading to a PGA Tour event in the upcoming season? Don’t do this stuff.

Wear your golf shoes

“Hello, sir. Are you participating in the tournament today?” If the answer to that question is no, you have NO business wearing your golf shoes at a PGA Tour event.

Period.

Do the spike-wearers also lace up their cleats when they head to football and baseball games?

And whatever material advantage one gains in terms of on-course traction is surely outweighed by the ridiculousness quotient.

Note: Caddies don’t wear golf shoes and they walk the course with 50-plus pound bags strapped to their back. Thus, you don’t need to either.

Be the beer-and-cigar guy

Do you know this guy/these guys (they usually travel in packs)? Booming alcohol voice, douchily attired, clutching three-plus empty plastic beer cups in one hand and a (lit or unlit) cigar in the other?

And whether the product of beer-induced tunnel vision, total lack of concern, or general ignorance, beer-and-cigar guy (and his beer-and-cigar buddies) is always spouting off with little regard for those around him.

He’ll be happy to add a few colorful words to your child’s vocabulary and will offer unrestrained praise for the assets of the fairer sex he spots in the gallery.

Yell “Baba Booey,” or “mashed potatoes,” or “get in the hole”

You’d like to think that even repeat “Baba Booey-ers” are annoyed when they hear the signature exclamation of golf fan idiocy bellowed as a Tour pro tees off.

If you find yourself compelled to belt out the above or any other ridiculous exclamation for that most-rewarding knowledge that you “got on television,” please don’t.

It’s a race to the bottom with these folks, and the upcoming season will bring with it new moronic vocalization.

Great.

Trample or otherwise fight children for autographs

Look, I understand adults have the right to ask pros for autographs. Maybe you have a sports memorabilia business, want to make a quick buck on eBay, or are merely looking proudly display a signed Phil Mickelson 8-by-10 in your office.

All of that is fine. Still, children must have first priority in the hunter for Tour pros’ Sharpie scribbles.

Why?

Do you not remember being a kid? Do you not remember the deities that professional athletes were to you? Do you not remember the overwhelming sentimental value of an autograph?

Autographs are most important to children and children’s enjoyment of golf is most important to the future of the game.

Don’t be one of those guys trampling children in an effort to get Adam Scott’s autograph.

Offer on-course commentary

Have you seen this guy (and it’s usually a guy)? He posts up at a hole and shares his expansive knowledge of the game of golf and the players on the PGA Tour with anyone who will listen. As he’s often attending the tournament alone, he has no choice but to scatter his pearls of wisdom before strangers.

In addition providing color commentary (“Dufner’s wife is hot”…”He has great hands. Shouldn’t have any trouble with this pitch”), he’ll share his green reads with anyone in his proximity.

He’s honed the reads, of course, from camping out at the same green all day.

Act like an idiot around Tiger Woods/ say stupid things when players walk by

The two behaviors above go hand in hand. It’s a gross oversimplification to say golf fan behavior has gotten worse in the near two decades Tiger Woods has been on tour. Still, there is an element of truth in that statement. Certainly, there are fans who pay the price of admission purely to see El Tigre who wouldn’t otherwise be in the gallery of a PGA Tour event.

And unlike most other sports, golfers walk right in front of fans. Thus, anyone in the gallery can say basically anything to any player’s face. For those who enjoy heckling from the cheap seats, the opportunity is too much to pass up and they end up saying something dumb to a player. Multiply this by at least a power of 10 where Tiger Woods is concerned.

Inappropriately bust out your camera phone

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Whatever the cell phone policy of the event you’re attending is, can you please adhere to it?

And don’t try to snap a photo of Bubba Watson for Instagram or record his swing to post to YouTube.

Just don’t.

Try to sneak by when marshals have quiet signs raised

Don’t you love these people? If you’ve been to a PGA Tour event you’ve seen them: When the marshal in your immediate vicinity raises his/her hands because a player is about to hit, everyone stops dead in their tracks.

Everyone, that is, except the slithering or obvious doofus to whom the rules apparently do not apply.

Don’t be a marshal-disobeyer.

Show up without a clue

Here’s something you shouldn’t do mostly for your own sake, not because it aggravates others, but rather because it compromised your experience at a PGA Tour event: Don’t show up without a clue.

Check the list of prohibited items. If you bring a bag, make sure it’s clear. Have some idea of the course layout. Figure out if you want to follow groups (Who? When? Where?), or if you want to hang out at a hole and watch players come through.

An ounce of preparation will save you a lot of wasted time wandering around like an idiot, and it’ll increase your enjoyment of the event substantially.

Interrupt a trophy presentation and make bird calls

Finally, don’t do this…