BROOKLYN, NY—Staring in trembling awe at her suddenly blank desktop, local woman Chelsea Greene was reportedly presented a rare chance at a new life Tuesday after accidentally closing her browser window with 23 open tabs. “Oh, my God. I’m free,” said a stunned and wide-eyed Greene, fully realizing that the abrupt disappearance of the Firefox window displaying tabs from Facebook, Reddit, CNN, OkCupid, Gmail, and 18 other websites would allow her to venture in a completely fresh direction and never look back. “Everything is going to be different from this point on. I can be anyone I want to be—I have a blank slate. Life truly begins right now.” According to sources, Greene moments later clicked “Restore Previous Session” in a brand-new browser window.

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