To help tee up the boys' home-run douchebaggery, MTV recruited four women who are as insecure as they are beautiful. Before the first Solo cup is drained, the ladies are expounding on absent dads, the way their willowy height prevents guys from approaching them, and being one of the less attractive waitresses at Hooters.

But don't worry: The boys are there to reassure them with such magnanimous lines as: "You have good boobs and a good face. You're good." When one of the girls offers up her Playboy shot, one of the guys declares that she's definitely "risen on the target list." I can't say for sure, but I think that's separate from the "booty ranking" list the boys are maintaining—these geniuses sure have been busy.

I hate to say it, but the girls aren't entirely blameless here. And no, I'm not holding them accountable for the responses inspired by their dad/tallness/Hooters tales—they're not asking for this behavior. But when one, Anastasia, gets upset about the booty rankings, another, Joi, goes on record calling it an overreaction. The boys' response is less subtle: "But it's not like you're disgusting," Johnny says to Anastasia, genuinely perplexed. The rest of them just ignore her.

It's worth noting that there appears to be no gay resident in the house this season. So there's nothing to interrupt the subject matter of everyone hitting on each other interchangeably—at the top of the show, producers even paired them off, chattering in hyper overlap about each other's bodies. It's all the perfect setup for the pack mentality these men fell into immediately—*quick, let's band together and objectify our female roommates, before any of them reject us individually!*And it's all a vibe MTV has implicitly urged them toward. You can tell these guys have been good little Jersey Shore scholars—we only have to wait 45 minutes for them to demonstrate how hilarious it is to bring random girls home, let them hang out on camera, and call them ugly behind their backs before booting them from the premises. "They don't look good...at all," Marlon tells Jordan, before Johnny drops the hammer: "Females...up up up." (I know there's an entire camera crew and likely chauffeured vans waiting to handle the guests, but in the history of MTV reality shows, has a single guy ever considered that to America, it looks like he's tossing drunk women from his place in the middle of the night, without giving half a shit about whether they get home safely?)

As the "ugly" girls comply with their eviction, Anastasia and Joi follow them out—and this time they're united in their stance on the guys' behavior. Joi apologizes. Anastasia asks if they want to hang out with the house girls. And what she mumbles as the humiliated women make their way to the elevator sums up everything we've seen so far of Portland: "This is embarrassing."

Did anyone else pick up on this stuff, watching it?

Photo: MTV