There’s this thing that people do that makes me uncomfortable, and I’m sure they think they’re coming off as nice or inclusive, but that’s not how it feels.

It’s when they try to make me a parent when I’m not. I’ll be talking to someone I haven’t spoken with in a while, and when I ask how they are, they talk a bit about themselves, and because their kids are a big part of their lives, they’ll talk about the kids as well. That is fine. Then comes the inevitable awkward pause, and they’ll ask how my pets are doing. And I know they’re trying to relate to me, but it feels like they’re trying to assign a parent - child role to myself and my pets where there isn’t one, and it comes off as pity sometimes. I am childfree by choice, for many reasons. I do not feel as though I am missing out by not having them, and I’m not substituting pets for children.

I’ll forget about this weirdness, and then Mother’s Day will roll around, and someone will try to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day because “moms of furbabies count too!” Don’t get me wrong: if you view your pets as your kids, and love it when others wish you a Happy Mother’s Day, that’s great. I’ll be the first in line to wish you that as well.

But it isn’t for me. Instead it feels like, because I am female, the expectations are that I should yearn for children automatically and mourn that I have none. I don’t on either account, and I don’t think of my pets as my children. I find myself asking if people are assigning “child replacements” to me because society says I should have them, and pets are the closest thing to it.

If someone talks about their pets as being their children, they will probably appreciate the sentiment of a “Happy Mother’s Day!” But for me, I’m just stuck wondering why I’m being pitied.