Sorry Not Sorry!: Each player rolls the dice to determine how many steps closer Trump and his staff will move toward one another, behind the press-conference microphone. The winner gets to yell out, “I don’t take responsibility!” or “That’s a nasty question!” and revoke a reporter’s press credentials.

Medical Risk: Players survey physicians and researchers across the globe to assess various medical risks and best practices for flattening the curve. Then they ignore all logical advice in an attempt to destroy their home countries as quickly as possible.

All-Inclusive Battleship: Every ship is a cruise ship with an open-air buffet and only four serving spoons.

Hungry Hungry Hoarders: Players attempt to grab as much toilet paper as possible, in sixty-second intervals. Then the losers judge the winners for their callous selfishness, while buying up all the pasta.

Delivery Monopoly: Players compete to see who can set up the most Amazon warehouses in a neighborhood. Chance cards tell you whether your dried garbanzo beans and low-sodium Progresso soups are still in stock.

Stock-Market Jenga: Players carefully tap various industries out of the economic chain, hoping they don’t remove a link that sends the Dow crashing down.

Chutes and Ladders, Spring-Break Edition: A team game. One team diligently climbs the flattened-curve ladder. The other insists on getting drunk and engaging in sloppy Fort Lauderdale orgies, determined to slide everyone back into crisis mode.

But I Really Need This Operation: This game is actually impossible to play because, in addition to the regular missing organs, there are now no masks, gloves, or hospital rooms left.

The Game of Quarantined Life: Landmark events include getting an (online) degree, cancelling your wedding, and saying “fuck these streaming yoga classes” before eating a dozen Toll House cookies, while watching the “Real Housewives of New Jersey.”

Solitaire: No adjustments required.