The findings revealed that men’s experiences were far from trivial. They experienced significant verbal, physical, emotional and sexual aggression, and reported violence ranging from pushing and shoving, to attacks to the genitals and the use of weapons. Men often spoke about this occurring when they were either falling asleep, or asleep, and thus were physically much more vulnerable to the abuse.

Despite bi-directional or mutual violence in couples being common, the majority of men reported never retaliating or being aggressive themselves, which was rooted in either fear or chivalrous values. Society strongly condemns violence against women, but there are no such sanctions for women’s aggression towards men.

They further reported extensive controlling behaviour and psychological abuse. For years, this has been talked of as a tool men use on women, but I have always believed women had the capacity to be controlling based on the types of behaviours girls use when bullying as children – indirect methods like spreading rumours, social ostracising, and isolating. Men were isolated from friends and family, financially controlled, manipulated around sex and pregnancy, and experienced gaslighting. Many described their partners using their children as a tool to manipulate and control. What’s more, much of this control and manipulation continued after the relationship has broken down through false allegations and financial ruin. Some men described having not seen their children for years.