Today, the true fans of Star Wars may finally be able to rejoice. Kathleen Kennedy is voluntarily stepping down from her position as president of Lucasfilm, Ltd. to pursue a new venture. Her next endeavor is currently under wraps but we will be able to announce it soon. As for who will be replacing Kennedy at Lucasfilm? Read on to find out.

The true fans of Star Wars will finally be able to rest easy. Rightfully so, they hate everything related to Star Wars since Disney’s acquisition of Lucasfilm, and prior to Disney they hated everything related to the prequels. In fact, before that, they hated Ewoks, musical numbers, and C-3PO in the original trilogy. It’s a mark of a true fan, and we commend them for their resolute convictions about how Star Wars should be.

“Star Wars should always be serious, it is made for us, not for kids.” –John Todd, an angry fan outside Lucasfilm headquarters.

A replacement for Kennedy has been chosen, though our insider inside the Lucasfilm HQ walls could not reveal this replacement’s name. They only stated that it will be a white male who replaces Kennedy. No, it’s not George Lucas, but trust us, Lucasfilm’s next president will be embraced by even the most vocal of fans.

“Finally! Get the women out of there! They have no place in Star Wars, and have ruined it for the true fans! Only a white man should be in charge!” –Timothy J. Gibson, Sr., Rian Johnson’s stalker.

Interestingly enough, our insider claims the new president of Lucasfilm has already been making plans to “set things right” with Star Wars. He has loved Star Wars since he was a child and even helped make the prequels. With the 21st Century FOX purchase, it is said that the new president has plans to remake the original trilogy “the right way” and how it “should have been” from the start.

Our speculation on who will be replacing Kennedy is none other than prequel-era mega-producer, Rick McCallum!

As always, stay tuned to FakingStarWars.net for all the finest Star Wars comedy, parody, and satire in the galaxy. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook and subscribe to our podcast on iTunes or Google Play for even more unbelievable news from a galaxy far, far away. Also, consider supporting us on Patreon… for as little as a buck a month, you can help us fake harder, better, faster, stronger.

–Skye Guy