What My Sims Characters Were Probably Saying

B: You know what, Slinky? I am really enjoying this time with you.

S: Thank you, Buttnose. I’m still so proud of you for getting promoted from Pickpocket to a Smuggler in only three days.

B: How else would we be able to afford all of our new stuff?

S: I don’t know!

B: To be honest, Slinky, none of that stuff really makes me happy. As a matter of fact…

S: Yes?

B: I know we’ve been living together for a long time–

S: And are married!

B: That too. But I think I might be… I think I’m falling in love with you.

S: Buttnose!

B: I know we’ve only been living together for a little while and we were totally neutral when we got married, but I can’t imagine spending my life with anybody else. Don’t feel like you have to say anything. I just had to tell you.

S: Buttnose, stop. I love you too. I do. All day when you’re at work and I’m hopping in and out of our spontaneously moving shower, all I can do is think of you. Think of you and put out the fires that I accidentally start every time I use the microwave.

B: You love me too! Oh my God! Are you serious?

S: So serious. I love you.

B: I want to kiss you but for some reason I can’t do more than one thing at a time!

S: So let’s get on out of this pool and kiss!

B: I… Oh God. I can’t! Slinky! There’s no pool ladder in here!

G: What? Oh my God! We’re going to drown!

B: I know! There’s no way out!

S: What do we do?

B: I’ll tell you what we do! We don’t let this ruin anything. As long as I have you, and as long as you love me, I will be damned if I won’t enjoy this no matter what.

S: You’re right, Buttnose. Let’s swim and be in love. If I have to die this is how I want to do it.





*Buttnose and Slinky McPoo drowned seven hours later. Their tombstones were immediately sold.