Grief is universal. But it's not often we all feel it at the same time.

Such is the power and pervasiveness of coronavirus and the ways in which it's turned our lives upside down.

While many of us have been feeling understandably anxious or frightened in recent weeks, not all us may have recognised that part of what we're feeling is grief, said Jane Fisher, professor of global health at Monash University.

"Grief is often a word we use in relation to bereavement … and of course, some people will experience that tragedy [at this time]," said Professor Fisher.

"But what everyone is experiencing is grief associated with not being able to do the things they would usually do."

Losses to our autonomy and personal freedom can have substantial psychological impacts, Professor Fisher said.

"Things like not being able to participate in meaningful work, engage socially with friends and family, and move about freely … These are very serious losses," she said.

"It's normal for us all to be feeling this sense of sadness about what it is we can't do, can't experience, can't engage with."

Unlike grief associated with the loss of a loved one, Professor Fisher said unrecognised or unacknowledged grief can sometimes be difficult to process because it doesn't attract the same social support or rituals.

"There's no formal ceremony, nobody brings a casserole because we're stuck at home … and there also isn't the increased support, because all of us are feeling it."



The non-linear stages of grief

Grief manifests in different ways, and is rarely experienced in a linear sequence.

"It is a fluctuating state, so it's not how you feel all the time everyday," Professor Fisher said.

Kim Felmingham, a clinical psychologist from the University of Melbourne, said although there was good evidence that there are different stages of grief, these stages can happen in a "maelstrom".

"So even within the same person, someone may go through a phase of numbing, and then denial, and then anger, and then sadness — which can all happen within the same day," Professor Felmingham told This Working Life.

There might be times you feel grief about COVID-19 very intensely, and times you don't feel it so much.

There are surprising things that can prompt it too, Professor Fisher said.

"You might find that you're OK for a few days and then suddenly something you thought you'd do, you can't do, and that might re-elicit a sense of sadness," she said.

As well as sadness, feelings of disbelief are common, as well as irritability and frustration.

"That can sometimes be misdirected because there isn't an obvious person to criticise or attack," Professor Fisher said.

Acknowledging how you feel

If you're experiencing grief in some shape or form, Professor Fisher said the best thing you can do is acknowledge the feeling.

"This is a normal human reaction to very abnormal circumstances," she said.

"It's crucial that we don't mislabel [grief] as a mental health problem."

Professor Felmingham said many people avoided using the label of grief, and instead tried to "push their feelings down".

"It's important we all stop and acknowledge our feelings and emotions, rather than being in denial … which I think can be a tendency people can have," she said.

Acknowledging how you feel, she said, enables you to talk it through with someone else, and move towards the stage of acceptance.

"Giving it a label — naming it grief — means that we're normalising it," Professor Felmingham said.



Individual and collective grief

Individually, all of us are grappling with losses to our autonomy and agency as everyday activities are restricted or banned as part of widespread public health measures.

"We've lost freedom of movement, we've lost privacy — because other people are scrutinising us in a new way — and we've lost the activities that most of us experience benefits from," Professor Fisher said.

For many people, this is compounded by recent unemployment, financial insecurity, disrupted home life, or COVID-19 illness.

The closure of institutions and restrictions on the size of gatherings has also meant the cancellation or postponement of many occasions — little and big — that mark our lives.

"So many people are experiencing the loss of anticipated family celebrations and weddings … as well as events like milestone birthdays, and children's achievements that can't be acknowledged," Professor Fisher said.

"Some of the things that we would have otherwise done at this time are lost forever."

This is an uncertain time for everyone, and children may be impacted by fear and anxiety. ( Getty Images: Nadezhda1906 )

The grief associated with coronavirus isn't just personal, either.

Professor Felmingham said Australians were also experiencing "collective grief" over the loss of our normal lifestyles, and the ways in which we interact.

"I think this type of grief is particularly unusual because it's intangible, it's about what may happen," she said.

Uncertainty and sadness about the future, sometimes known as 'anticipatory grief', can be a form of anxiety.

"We're thinking about the future and we're typically thinking about the worst case scenario," Professor Felmingham said.

"That's then driving the sense of loss … those questions of 'what if'."

She said Australians' loss of normalcy and connection, and fears about the economic impact of coronavirus, had undermined our collective sense of security and safety.

"I think it's also really important to think about [last summer's] bushfires," she said.

"Already, people were starting to have this anticipatory grief around climate change and our lifestyles … so it's been a double whammy in a way."

Taking care of your wellbeing

One of the ways to manage collective grief around coronavirus is to recognise that everyone is in this together, Professor Felmingham said.

"I think what's really important is to be compassionate," she said.

"There is going to be a range of different reactions ... it's a really uncertain, emotional time, so just trying to give people a little bit of space."

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Anticipatory grief often leads our minds to the future and to imagine the worst.

To calm yourself, Professor Felmingham said it's important to bring yourself back to the present moment, and focus on what you can control, instead of what you can't.

"Maybe do some mindfulness or breathing techniques, or some exercise — that's very helpful to ground you," she said.

For people feeling grief over missed opportunities or events, or current changes to their life, Professor Fisher suggest taking a medium- to longer-term view.

"Think: what are the things I can do, despite what's happened to me? And what are the things I can put in place so I can still look forward with some degree of optimism?"

Acknowledging that some things are not possible now, but may be in the future, can be enormously helpful, she said.

"Perhaps you can plan that in a year's time, you'll have a different event or celebration — something that allows you to reconstruct a future that you can look forward to with pleasure."