Five days too late for the holiday — and thus perfectly timed — comes “The Dina Martina Christmas Show.” Dina Martina, a summertime drag queen crowd favorite whose schtick is a standout among the motley-est of crews, returns to Provincetown on Sunday, Dec. 30, to perform what we can only speculate will be the show of the season.

Described in promotional material as a “tragic singer, horrible dancer and surreal raconteur” with a routine that’s laced with “ludicrous song, horrifying stories and overburdened costumes,” Dina Martina’s winter Festivus may be the perfect way to end the year: her life and songs can only make audiences members feel better about themselves as they laugh at the multifaceted fiasco that is, unbeknownst to her, Dina Martina.

Dina Martina may look a mess — her mouth rivals a clown’s, her heavy blue eye shadow was probably bought in the early ’80s — but she is clever enough to set up her own interview ground rules. She only answers questions by email (she doesn’t like to be paraphrased), and insists that there is no man inside the woman, behind the curtain or anywhere else for us to report. So, with a nod to the legendary “Proust Questionnaire” — developed by Marcel Proust in the salons of Belle Époque Paris and recently popularized on the back page of Vanity Fair magazine — the Banner asked Dina Martina a series of personal questions, and her responses are something else. It’s clear why John Waters, Whoopi Goldberg, Matt Stone, Billy Hough and Jennifer Coolidge are avid fans of this Christian-ish performance artist. For 2018, as the saying goes, it’s not over till the fat lady does her thing.

Banner: Where were you raised, and how old are you?

Dina Martina: I was raised in Las Vegas, and a true lady never reveals her age, though I will divulge my zodiological signage: I’m an Aquarium.

B: For whom were you named?

DM: For letters 8 through 11 of the word extraordinary.

B: At what age did you hit the stage?

DM: I was four years old when my mother entered me into the Little Miss Las Vegas Pageant.

B: How long have you been coming to Provincetown?

DM: I was here in 2004, but 2005 was my first year performing here.

B: What makes you happy?

DM: My adopted daughter Phoebe and Almond Roca, not in that order.

B: What makes you laugh?

DM: A couple of gin and Clamatos.

B: What do you most like about yourself?

DM: My supple epidermis.

B: What is your biggest fear?

DM: That the world will come to an end without me.

B: What do you most dislike about yourself?

DM: I hate that I am lactate intolerant.

B: What have you lied about?

DM: I told my daughter that the fingernail clippings on her birthday cake were crispy coconut shavings.

B: What is your biggest regret?

DM: Not being able to recover from Chinese splits as easily as I used to.

B: What do you most like about your appearance?

DM: I like my ballpark figure.

B: What do you most dislike about your appearance?

DM: My reflection in mirrors.

B: What is your favorite possession?

DM: A pimple behind my right ear

B: What book or books are you currently reading?

DM: The Bible. It’s like a coaster with stories inside.

B: Who is your favorite celebrity?

DM: The head of John the Baptist.

B: If you could have dinner with three people living or dead, who would they be?

DM: Fabio, Flipper and Wilma Flintstone.

B: What is your motto?

DM: Forgotten but not gone.