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HOLLYWOO, CALIFORNIA — ABC Entertainment executives were surely thrown for a loop when they were tasked with putting out a public relations fire of enormous proportions set by one of its biggest stars, and have already announced what they intend to use to fill the large hole the show’s star has left in their lineup.

Early that morning, Roseanne Barr — star of the venerable eponymous sitcom that returned to the air this year after nine previous seasons and a multiyear hiatus — tweeted what can only be described as a racist insult toward Obama administration official Valerie Jarrett while engaged in a threaded discussion on Twitter. Barr often retweets figures from the right-wing fringe of American politics and her character’s support for President Trump’s agenda echoes what her real life views have evolved from. During the show’s first run in the 1990’s, Barr’s politics were much more left of center, and she was even good friends with Bill and Hillary Clinton at one point.

Barr’s tweet, which she quickly deleted in a vain attempt to avert cancellation, is shown below.

ABC executives were quick to react to the firestorm that started brewing almost immediately after Barr’s tweet was sent, and cancelled “Roseanne.”

Channing Dungey, president of ABC Entertainment, released the following statement:

“Roseanne’s Twitter statement is abhorrent, repugnant and inconsistent with our values, and we have decided to cancel her show.” (source)

Two of Barr’s co-stars spoke out about the comments Barr made.

Roseanne’s recent comments about Valerie Jarrett, and so much more, are abhorrent and do not reflect the beliefs of our cast and crew or anyone associated with our show. I am disappointed in her actions to say the least. — sara gilbert (@THEsaragilbert) May 29, 2018

I am hurt, embarrassed, and disappointed. The racist and distasteful comments from Roseanne are inexcusable. — Emma Kenney 🌹 (@EmmaRoseKenney) May 29, 2018

In a call with affiliates later in the day, ABC executives announced that they have already figured out how they will plug the hole in their lineups that “Roseanne” being cancelled will cause. The show had already been renewed not more than a handful of weeks ago for a second reunion season. An anonymous source told us what ABC’s plan is.

“They’re going to get a big plastic garbage bag, fill it with farts, and scream racist jokes from the 1930’s into it,” our source tells us. “They figure that way, fans of Ms. Barr’s brand of alleged comedy will feel like they aren’t missing a single beat.”

In general, our source says that ABC is “saddened” by the need to cancel the show, but they are resigned to it being the right decision.

“Some people just prove that you’re capable of being as ugly inside as you are on the outside,” the source said.

This is a developing story.

James‘ satire is also found on:

Alternative Facts

Alternative Science,

The Political Garbage Chute

The Pastiche Post

Satirical Facts