Iron Judgment launch draws near and the King is on his way home. While everyone is talking about card reveals, new decks, custom cards, defender status and whatnot… we here at The Palmerin Club care about those who are now in danger: The mages. If there is one thing Radovid likes more than chess and ARMOR, it’s MORE ARMOR hunting mages. (Thanks for that, Philippa). I, as a mod of the Lodge Of Sorceresses Discord, think it’s only fitting to rate our helpful and newly endangered magic-wielding friends.

Article written by Andrijana ( Lodge of Sorceresses) and ̶s̶̶t̶̶u̶̶p̶̶i̶̶d̶̶ ̶̶c̶̶o̶̶m̶̶m̶̶e̶̶n̶̶t̶̶s̶̶ ̶̶a̶̶d̶̶d̶̶e̶̶d̶ edited by Qupor.

How to look like a mage:

1. Put on a dress

2. Be as sexy as Eskel

10: Philippa Eilhart

Still waiting for Lesbomancy special card

At first she didn’t make it in the top 10, but everyone’s favorite type of magic earned her place. She’s the reason for Radovid’s hate, therefore a fitting introduction to this list. Philippa is the evilest mage to ever mage in the NR. Her grand list of achievements include: assassinated her boss (Vizimir), assassinated her king (also Vizimir), bullied her future king (Raddy), made the second most powerful man hate her entire class (also Raddy), broke DJ’s heart despite his headshape, tried to assassinate her ex (also DJ), enslaved a dragon with Lesbomancy and so on. Not to mention she’s a master yoinker, unconditional 21 FOR 10 SO OP!!! Literally the worst employee and the worst ex-girlfriend. Send her to the dungeon and out of my sight.

Mage rating: 0/10 bet she didn’t see the spoon coming

Phillipa Eilhart Seize Math is regarded as one of the easist subjects to pass in the Aretuza Academy. Only one Student in the History of the Acedemy manage to fail this Subject . His Name was “Red Ditor” the Wise. Qupor (has now a bounty on his head)

9: Operator

You’re the Chosen one, Harry…. no, Anakin… was it Neo? Oh right, Geralt!

From the neutral mages we have the Operator. He spent ages in that hidden chamber in Loc Muinne perfecting his magic and his voice lines to OP levels. YOU BLIND, GREEDY FOOL. Sade wrote the song “Smooth Operator” about him, that’s how smooth this Vran mage is. He summons two units on each side just to make you think you have a chance against him. Truth is, those copies will turn against you and he’ll kick your ass almost every time during the boss fight. Operator is a cool guy with cool gear, cool magic and cool rehearsed speech. He told me he was The Chosen One for this Mageshot, and he’s right as always.

Mage rating: 10/10 best bodyguard on this list

8: Caranthir Ar-Feiniel

Wearing a huge target on your head is the new fashion in Tir Na Lia

Monsters don’t have any mages except for Caranthir and his students, and that is more than enough because boy does he pack a punch. Apparently Avallac’h was playing matchmaker between elven couples gifted with the ability to manipulate time and space in order for Caranthir to be born. He was meant to be the model student but instead started hanging out with those losers that call themselves the Wild Hunt. Such a shame, really, that he’s taking orders from a p***y like Eredin. Amazing intellect, magic and boss fight and yet so poor social skills.

Caranthir also enjoys acting from time to time. While doing this he prefers being named Barnes for whatever reason. Qupor ( at the moment being screwed by RNG)

Mage rating: 4/10 he should find better friends

7: Assire Var Anahid

Assire doing Meowgic

Assire, representing the Black Ones, is the best sidekick one can wish for. Need to call Roach again? Done. Need a second tactic? Done. Need to reverse compression on some random redhead mage? Done. Want to unbrick a thinning card? Done. Flashy cat magic for the premium? DONE. She works so hard yet always takes care of her cat first. One look at Merlin looking happy and chonky is all I need to put her on this list. Her deeds will not be forgotten. I spend removal on Shilard ShitLord every time to honor her, and you should too.



Mage rating: 10/10 what a saint

6: Cintrian Spellweaver

It is how he zaps those who irritate him

Only the most devoted fangirls Redanian citizens have seen past the blue robe and gold sparks to uncover the secret: Spellweaver is RADOVID himself! The voice is unmistakable. It’s time for everyone to know that the King’s other hobby is practicing magic incognito, zapping enemies to defend his mages. He was among them all along, there to lend a helping hand – what a good lad. He only truly hates Philippa and the rest is just an act…perhaps. Carry on, Your Majesty Spellweaver.



Mage rating: 7/10 secret is out, maybe try a Darth Vader voice next time, Your Majesty

In the End Radovid had to end his carrer as a Spellweaver.

While being a good Mage his Spells added Armor to his Enemys , not removed it.

Atleast every Dog, Giant Insect and Pirate can fell more safe now. Qupor ( slowly suffocating under a pile of Armor)

5: Aretuza Adept

Their Team Aretuza shirts just arrived

Ever the proper students, Aretuza’s girls are at #5. They used to have 1 less power and a longer cooldown, but this semester they discovered the magical potion called coffee and passed the “Intro to NR buffs” exam. These girls work hard in order to pay off those school loans. One charge sold = one Crown for the academy loan. Their main buyers are some Arbalest dudes and King Radovid in disguise (he secretly supports education). Some can even charge Machines because engineering was an elective at Aretuza. Does anyone else need a charge?

Some of the Aretuza Girls are quite into Gwent. They even created there own competetive Team . Sadly they had to split up after they lost all there card to Geralt abusing Spys for the 20 time. Qupor ( Ex-Content Manager)

Mage rating: 9/10 Some of them are hardworking, polite & beautiful, while the others play Gwent all day

4: Francesca Findabair

Also known as Francesca Find-a-chair from her days as an inn hostess

We had to put someone from the ST on this list, otherwise those filthy elves would ambush us in every round for days to come. Francesca “MMMMEH” Findabair is the obvious choice. Also known as “Enid an Gleanna”, “the most beautiful woman in Witcher”, “Queen of Dol Blathanna” and “omfg she needs a nerf”, she is the only Lodge member who has never appeared in a Witcher game. She doesn’t have the time for that because she’s busy making opponents cry in Gwent with her magic this season. Francesca would be likeable if she hadn’t betrayed her fellow mages at Thanedd and her fellow Scoia’tael elves after the coup. All in all, a bit MMEH, but good enough for the list.

Mage rating: 2/10 better dwarf leader than Brouver and better harmony than Dana

3: Keira Metz

Prefers to be impaled by Lambert than by Radovid

The feisty Temerian blonde witch takes the 3rd spot. She’s tried her hand at many jobs: Lodge member, Foltest’s advisor, village witch, refugee, friend-with-benefits etc. Always ready to go on an adventure, provide shields or buffs, save lives, flirt and remind you of GAVELLA GLAN, Keira is a good companion to have. She takes care to look dolled up for anything, be it hilariously running from mice or dates with Lambert. Great air magic, not-as-great judgment of people’s character (bargain with Radovid???).

I once met Keira and i made alot of funny puns about getting impaled and gavella glan. I think she found it quite funny. Qupor ( now only visible through a Magic Lamp by Geralt)

Mage rating: 7/10 needs more Gavella Glan

2: Yennefer of Vengerberg

Question 17 on the application for Polish citizenship :

” Have you ever committed a crime and if yes, why did you choose Triss? “

Can’t make a Mageshot without Geralt’s de facto wife on it. Yen has been through hell for most of her life and still manages to kick ass better than all the other mages. She ignores the people who say her man should be with Triss because, unlike the other, she has enough confidence to not beg for attention and approval. I could talk about Yen’s deeds for days, but for now let’s focus on the ratings:

Girlfriend/Wife rating: 10/10 almost died trying to save Geralt; might not scold him as much if he buys her a new unicorn though

Mom rating: 50/10 best mom ever, will do anything for Ciri

Mage rating: 10/10 Zap, boost, better Yeetwave – she can do it all

1: Margarita Laux-Antille

Even Radovid can’t resist drinking some Margarita

The headmistress of Aretuza Academy is #1, of course. Rita only agreed to be on this list if her students are on it too, because they are her main priority unlike other sorceresses who seek fame and political influence. She is always down to get drunk, teach magic or lock up enemies. Ultimately she got locked up herself because Radovid learned that spell while posing as Spellweaver. Margarita was able to summon a bunch of Adepts to protect her because the prison had a lot of gilded things. Her secret weapon is being loved by everyone so she could just wait for friends to rescue her if plan A fails. She’s like the cooler, hotter version of Hogwarts’ Minerva McGonagall. How can you not love Rita?

Invitng Margarita to your Party has alot of benefits. She brings love, wine, locks and an neverending all consuming Army of Barn Ard Adepts with her. Qupor ( just got promoted to a Gold Card)

Mage rating: 50/10 increases her rating by 1 for every spawned Adept

Let’s not forget the best sorceresses

Thanks for reading the Gwent Meta Mageshot 🙂