Ted Cruz is running for reelection for the Texas Senate seat against Beto O'Rourke, a Democrat with a progressive platform and a punk past. The latest polls have O'Rourke hot on Cruz's heels. And this weekend, to drum up support from the base, Cruz amped up his fight against liberals like his competitor, which apparently meant warning of encroaching threats like California and tofu.

"We are seeing tens of millions of dollars flooding into the state of Texas from liberals all over the country who desperately want to turn the state of Texas blue," Cruz said at a rally Saturday, CNN reports. "They want us to be just like California, right down to tofu and silicon and dyed hair."



It was about time someone put tofu-eaters in their place.

The only problem is that Texas is a manufacturer of soybeans, its production valued at nearly $61 million in 2017 by the USDA. Soybeans are also major in the U.S., with American farmers growing record-level crops. Some of those soybeans make their way into soy foods like tofu. Tofu is already ingested by Americans all across the country, often as a substitute for meat or in Chinese dishes. That includes in Texas, where tofu eaters and non-tofu eaters alike will be voting for a senator in November.

The dumb argument gets dumber when you consider the devolved form of masculinity that requires men to argue their worth based on whether they eat meat substitutes or not. Recent research even indicates that men are uncomfortable ordering vegetarian or vegan dishes, out of fear that their male friends might shame them. It looks like Ted Cruz is one of those friends.

Funnily enough, Cruz clarified at the rally that his wife, Heidi Cruz, is "a California vegetarian," though he didn't say if she eats tofu. "She's wonderful, but I brought her to the great state of Texas," he added. Heroic.



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Cruz didn't do the homework on his other anti-California quips, either. As Market Watch points out, Texas ranked second in the country in tech jobs in 2016. Dell, Intel, and Texas Instruments are just a few massive companies that use silicon chips and hire Texans. And as for the hair dye, people on Twitter immediately pointed out that Texas women dye their hair just as much as Californians, if not more.

Political rhetoric gets dumber all the time, and Cruz is in good company. If what the people want is a brave face against the scourge of tofu, tech, and personal grooming, then it looks like he is desperate enough to be their man. But for anyone still on the fence, we recommend crisping up a few tofu cubes with some stir fry before deciding. It tastes damn good.

Sarah Rense Sarah Rense is the Associate Lifestyle Editor at Esquire, where she covers tech, food, drink, home, and more.

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