Yesterday, Jack White got some sassy return fire from Guinness World Records, who he claimed was an “elitist organization” for allegedly turning down the White Stripes’ 2007 bid for World’s Shortest Performance with their one-note concert in St. John’s, Newfoundland. Guinness retorted, in a statement, that the Stripes had in fact been included, but that the category had to be nixed after a zillion bands began submitting their challenges to the White Stripes’ title. The group suggested that White figure out a new record to set.

Last night, White and Third Man issued a hilarious statement, accepting Guinness’ “challenge,” vowing to “break the world record for most metaphors in a single concert” and effectively un-grounding the rest of the Jack White tour from any semblance of reality:

The attempt may prove very exhausting and at times even dangerous, but the results could prove to be glorious and possibly even vainglorious. White and Third Man Records are certain that the extremely scientific and intricate analysis of the metaphors that occur will be examined in accordance with Guinness’ usually very thorough methods probably, or at the very least if somebody answers the phone at the pub.

Third Man Records encourages all attendees of said concerts to please not interfere or interject with any metaphors that they witness occur during the show as to not disqualify or worse yet, trivialize the metaphor in question. In addition all concert attendees are encouraged to entice as many metaphors to occur during the show that they possibly can as long as they don’t endanger themselves or Mr. White.

Take that, elitists! We’ll be seeing Mr. White perform at Hangout Fest this weekend, and you can bet we’ll be counting those metaphors (but no similes!)

Remaining Dates on Jack White 2012 Tour

May 18-20 – Gulf Shores, AL – The Hangout Music Fest

May 19 – Asheville, NC – The Orange Peel

May 21- New York, NY – Roseland Ballroom

May 22 – New York, NY – Roseland Ballroom

May 24 – Detroit, MI – Scottish Rite Theater

May 24 – Detroit, MI – Scottish Rite Theater (all ages matinee show)

May 26 – George, WA – Sasquatch Music Festival

May 27 – Vancouver, BC – Queen Elizabeth Theatre

May 28 – Eugene, OR – Hult Center for the Performing Arts (Silva Concert Hall)

May 30 – Los Angeles, CA – The Wiltern

May 31 – Los Angeles, CA – The Wiltern

June 21 – London, UK – O2 Academy Broxton

June 22 – London, UK – Hammersmith Apollo

June 23 – Hackney Marshes, London, UK – Radio 1’s Hackney Weekend

June 25 – Amsterdam, NL – Heineken Music Hall

June 26 – Berlin, Germany – Tempodrom

June 27 – Cologne, Germany – E-Werk

June 29 -Werchter, Belgium – Rock Werchter

July 1 – Belfort, France – Les Eurockeennes

July 2 – Paris, France – L’Olympia

July 3 – Paris, France – L’Olympia

July 5 – Hamburg, Germany – Docks

July 5-8 – Roskilde, Denmark – Roskilde Festival

July 20-22 – Dover, Delaware – Firefly Music Festival

July 25 – Melbourne, Australia – Festival Hallm

July 26 – Sydney, Australia – Hordern Pavillion

July 27 – Byron Bay, Australia – Splendour In The Grass Festival

July 27-29 – Niigata, Japan – Fuji Rock Festival

August 3-5 – Chicago, IL – Lollapalooza

August 8 – Morrison, CO – Red Rocks Amphitheater

August 10-12 – San Francisco, CA – Outside Lands