University gave me an even greater spectrum of people to mingle with and classes to attend. My women study classes gave me a new sense of empowerment, my sexology classes inspired me to look beyond societies ‘norm’ of sexuality. There was a whole world out there I didn’t know existed, and I was ready to explore even further. As my eyes widened, as I started to accept myself as a sexual being without shame, I became more confident, and my sensuality started to evolve.

The first aspect to really change was my sex life with my DH (who was still my BF at the time). When we first met (right out of high school), I was a virgin. In fact no one, except for myself had ever ventured below my waist. Part of the reason was out of fear of being labeled a slut in high school. The other, was because I thought something was physically wrong with me. Which is why I always stuck to phone sex and cyber sex, which consisted of me, myself and I touching my body. When I got turned on, when a guy would touch me, when I would watch porn or read anything erotic, I would get ‘wet’ down south. Yes, all through my pre-teens, teens and up until I met my DH I truly believed that being ‘wet’ was a problem and that it would disgust any one I intended to be intimate with. You can stop reading, and recompose yourself from the laughter. It’s okay, I can laugh at myself now at how utterly ridiculous that notion was. But where did I get that idea? Who knows, but I definitely wasn’t educated to know better. I restrained myself from possible pleasurable sexual experiences because I was too ‘wet’! An Iphone back in the day would have been great for capturing my DH’s reaction when I told him about the ‘problem’. Alas, 17 years later he’s still baffled at how I came to such a conclusion! But all jokes aside, you have no idea the weight lifted off my shoulders when I realized that it was quite the opposite of a problem.

When we first started sleeping together, I insisted on lights off, don’t watch me get undressed (which pissed DH off cause although I hated my body, he loved it), missionary, a little blow job, no eating, basically extreme ‘vanilla’. I was embarrassed by my fantasies, and desires. I believed my man would think I was weird, freaky or disgusting. But as I changed so did the sex. Lights stayed on, lingerie became part of my wardrobe, my love for fellatio blossomed, public sex was awesome, and what the hell was I thinking when I declined all those opportunities to get a good licking!

Sexual freedom at my fingertips….not quite. Between me and DH, it was definitely the beginning. However, I still hung in the same circle of friends and family that were all raised as I was. I wondered how many of my friends felt as I did, but had no guts to come forward and speak out. I knew I still didn’t have the nerve to venture on that road. We weren’t kids anymore, we were adults well into our twenties and yet, still ashamed, still worried to be pinned the ‘whore’.

PLEASE NOTE MY SELF-HOSTED WEBSITE IS NOW ONLINE AT WWW.SENSUALLITTLENYMPH.COM