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Psst – want to buy a pipeline? All the signs suggest Ottawa will very shortly have one to sell.

We are not party to the discussions between the Finance Minister, Bill Morneau, and the boss of Kinder Morgan, Steve Kean, but I like to imagine there is a Pythonesque air to them.

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tap here to see other videos from our team. Try refreshing your browser, or Ivison: Ottawa haggling over Kinder Morgan pipeline purchase with 800lb gorilla Back to video

Morneau: “We’d like to take Trans Mountain off your hands. How about $5 billion?”

Kean: “$5 billion? And me with a poor, dying grandmother. It cost me $7.4 billion.”

Morneau: “Ok, how about $8 billion?”

Kean: “$8 billion? You want to ruin me? $10 billion – that’s my last word. I won’t take a penny less or strike me dead.”

Morneau: “$9 billion?”

Kean: “Done (aside) – there’s one born every minute.”

The numbers are as imaginary as the conversation but they are probably not far away from the reality.

The really ludicrous thing is that Canada can’t afford to be dogmatic about buying this pipeline, given the Liberals have shut down all the other options of getting Alberta crude to saltwater.