Blindfold yourself. Spin around three times. Point to a random spot on a map of America's saddest sports towns. Buffalo. Cleveland. Minneapolis. Flushing, Queens. All worthy contenders, if that's where your finger lands. But none—not even the heartbreaking hamlet of Cincinnati—can compete with the grandaddy, the godfather, the big kahuna of hopelessness that is Detroit, Michigan. For decades, the Lions have reigned as America's most inept sports franchise, standing as just one of four NFL franchises to never make the Super Bowl. The Tigers, short of a mid-aughts blip, haven't been much better. Historically, the Pistons and Red Wings have done just enough to make getting out of bed each day tolerable for Detroit sports heads, but in 2019, with both franchises in free fall, things took a turn for unprecedented levels of worse.