DECORATED soldier and Australian Survivor contestant El Rowland has revealed she was in a dark place she thought she’d never get out of after being diagnosed with post-natal depression.

A candid Rowland, 33, said the depression started after she gave birth to her son Darcy in 2012.

“I got posted to Brisbane, I didn’t know anyone, I had a difficult birth, I couldn’t breastfeed, a lot of circumstances happened that I felt were failures,” she explained.

“I went to a really bad place.

“I’ve never experienced depression and anxiety in my life and it was such a big hole, I didn’t see the light.

“I didn’t see myself getting better and I lost all of my hope, which was a really scary thing to feel.

“I also felt I lost my identity, I felt like I didn’t really know who I was anymore.

“I felt my mind failed me.

“I felt like a failure being a Mum.

“I didn’t bond with my baby, I couldn’t give birth naturally, all these things go on top of me.

“I’d been a rock for so long, but I guess there is a breaking point in everybody, and that was it for me.”

“It was in those really dark places I was like, if I ever get out of this, I promise to the world I’m going to do everything I can do to help other people that are in need.”

Four years later Rowland is better every day and is speaking out to show other women in similar situations, you can get better, and you shouldn’t be afraid to seek help and talk about depression.

“I think there is a stigma attached to postnatal depression, but it’s so important to know that it is just normal,” she said.

“Once you open up to people, people open up to you.

“I found so many people, especially mums, have really opened up to me.

“There is so much support for people if you seek help.”

Rowland said going on Australian Survivor was an important part of her recovery, as well as a way to show the community that anything is possible.

“I had this amazing opportunity and I took it,” she said.

“I think definitely one of the reasons I did it was not for myself entirely.

“I did it to show people you can go through anything in life and come out the other end.

“I want to inspire people to take that challenge and do things for themselves, and give them hope that everything is going to be OK.”

Little Darcey is too busy now to watch Australian Survivor as he prefers to play with his toys, but Rowland said it will be great to watch it back with him, when he is older and understands.

Rowland is fast becoming a fan favourite on Australian Survivor, and this week was romantically linked to fellow contestant and Queenslander, cricketer Lee Carseldine.

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AUSTRALIAN SURVIVOR, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday, Channel Ten, 7.30pm