The Vampire Diaries S07E19: "Somebody That I Used to Know"

If you were ever trapped in a cozy cabin with a VERY attractive friend, about how long would it take before one of you made a move? Ninety minutes? One hour and forty-five minutes? One hour and fifty-five minutes? Well, in one of the least plausible scenarios ever presented on The Vampire Diaries (which is SAYING SOMETHING), it took TWO DAMN YEARS for Bonnie and Enzo to finally mouth-attack each other and tear each other's clothes off. That's two years of sitting by firelight in lounge-wear, strumming guitars, and sipping red wine PLATONICALLY. Oh come on, The Vampire Diaries, get real. Does horniness not exist in this world anymore? Look at these two! They are young and gorgeous and most importantly BORED. That cabin would've been smelling funky within days.

Hey, I really liked "Somebody That I Used To Know"! Even though I had predicted that I definitely didn't care about how Enzo and Bonnie fell in love, their flashback scenes together still felt fun and cozy and even moving. Putting aside how absurd that timeline was, I liked watching Enzo slowly (insanely slowly) woo Bonnie using little more than Christmas lights and bone structure. In addition to that, this episode featured one of the most fun sequences this show's ever given us: that vampire hunting montage. I honestly don't want to sound like too much of a piece of sh*t, but when the Season 6 finale first teased a Heretics-ruined post-apocalyptic wasteland, I openly enthused about the possibility of our characters turning into superhero types bent on ridding the world of this scourge. Obviously the Heretics ended up being so weak & lame and the trashed Mystic Falls thing remains very baffling and stupid. But! THIS SEQUENCE was what I was talking about! The gang banding together to exterminate killer vampires was thrilling and exciting in a way I'd been wishing this whole season had been! This is not to say I told you so, it's just to give credit where credit's due. TVD finally gave me what I wanted, if only for about 22 seconds.

Anyway, let's talk about this episode!

We began three years ago, the time when Bonnie had to clean out her dorm room because her other two roommates were either dead or becoming suburban moms. But while packing up her sad cardboard box she found Damon's letter. The one he had left for her instead of actually saying "goodbye forever" to her face. But since there wasn't a trashcan fire nearby she decided to just put the letter in her sad cardboard box instead without even opening it.

Then Enzo showed up to save her from a couple of Armory goons that had arrived to kidnap her. And he did that thing that I love in thrillers so much: He snuck up behind her covered her mouth. WHY do people do this? That is so frightening and unnecessarily scary. Anyway, it worked, she was safe from the Armory for now.

Then in modern times, they were hugging a lot because they were happy to see each other, I guess, but Bonnie was not stoked to see that Damon was standing in the hallway STILL.

To his credit, he wasn't fazed by having the door slammed in his face. Also, he had gotten those nice flowers from Trader Joe's and they still needed a vase, so. Bonnie was just going to have to deal.

Then Stefan showed up to hang out with Alaric, but Alaric didn't seem very enthused about it.

Yeah, I think the awkwardness stemmed from the fact that Stefan used to do sex to Alaric's fiancée, but don't quote me on that.

So, even though Enzo saved Bonnie from the Armory, in order to do so he had to inject her with a serum that leeched all of her magic and also made her pass out like she'd been roofied. So she woke up in a creepy cabin and tried to do magic and couldn't, then he explained that if she had magic then the Armory could track her and she should definitely take some pills made of blood because they certainly wouldn't give her witch AIDS or anything like that.

But even though he had jumped out and roofied her without her permission, Bonnie trusted Enzo and immediately started gobbling up these pills like it was a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos. Foreshadowing: This would not be a good idea!

Meanwhile in the basement three years later, Rayna was scribbling names and doodles onto book pages. These were the vampires that needed to be killed!

Damon and Rayna cut a deal: If Damon could murder all the loose vampires himself and allow Rayna a day or two of some damn peace and quiet, she'd commit suicide and give her final life to Bonnie for when the witch AIDS started to kick in. It was an insane deal to make, but by episode's end, it would become clear that Rayna was OVER. IT. Life itself had become a real drag for her. But this meant that Damon and Enzo now had a kill list, which is a truly wonderful plotline on a show like this. Let's do it, fellas!

But not before another cute flashback. Here's the time when Enzo told Bonnie that Damon had treated her wrong and she deserved some higher quality D. in her life. (I'm paraphrasing).

If we are being honest, Bonnie appreciated the warm fuzzies. As we all would. Things were happening here! Imagine that: Two attractive friends in close quarters developing feelings for each other. Dreams come true!





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