DeMar DeRozan

Same chick, same trip, same flight, different story, different bed everyday the same night- @ privaledge — DeMar DeRozan (@DeMar_DeRozan) August 31, 2012

Great tweet by DeRozan here. You can see how he drove hard to his left on the keyboard, pulled up at the tab key and unleashed this lethal tweet which would do Confucious proud. The jury’s still out on what this means, but early reports indicate that he’s talking about nailing the same girl (thus indicating loyalty) on different beds, presumably in different cities as there are flights involved. Or it’s a song.

Ed Davis

Juug — Ed Davis (@eddavis32) September 1, 2012

Never one to waste words, Ed Davis drops what Dostoevsky took 900 pages to write in one word: Juug. That’s it. Point made. You move, Tolstoy.

Amir Johnson

While you cats are on vacation drinking watered down Pina Coladas in some Mexican all-inclusive, Amir Johnson’s hauling ass in the weight room. Replace the #raptornation bullshit with an #rr tag and this might be the greatest tweet ever. But you don’t care about that you fat piece of shit, go wear your Under Armour and pretend chicks give you a second thought. BTW, Amir Johnson just banged your wife.

Andrea Bargnani

Wanna play for me at NBA All-Star 2013? If you’ve got the mooves, show us at Sprite.com, we’ll be watching.. — Andrea Bargnani (@AndreaBargnani) July 16, 2012

He’s got the “mooves”? I don’t know how Sprite feels about having their stuff promoted in Grade 4 English. It don’t matter to Bargnani though, he tweeted this shit while fading on a three and pulling a 2/1 pink/stink.

Landry Fields

It’s ok when you get sea sick from kayaking in the ocean. You throw up all while @ elainealden paddles up front laughing at you. Still ❤ her. — Landry Fields (@landryfields) September 3, 2012

Let me translate this tweet for the lay man: I’m getting extremely sea sick right now and will likely throw up in a bit, and possibly spend the night in the hospital, but when I get better, I’ll be doing this while you suckas will be going to work.