Back in 2014, Congressman Tim Huelskamp was one of our contestants to succeed Michele Bachmann as Royal Regent Of The Crazy People. (Louie Gohmert, of course, is Padishah Emperor For Life.) Huelskamp had compiled an impressive resume even then for being pretty much a career dick. Per The Wichita Eagle (back then):

Rackaway noted that Huelskamp not only has failed to support positions of the GOP leadership, but he's been abrasive in advancing his opinions, rubbing others the wrong way both personally and politically. It's a pattern that's not new, Rackaway said. Huelskamp was removed from the Kansas Senate's Ways and Means Committee when he served there. And reports of hard feelings between Boehner and Huelskamp started almost immediately after he reached Washington in early 2011.

His dickitude in office probably peaked when he refused to help a constituent navigate the Affordable Care Act. Via The Hill (back then):

"Given that we come from Kansas, it's much easier to say, 'Call your former governor,'" said Rep. Tim Huelskamp (R), referring to HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius. "You say, 'She's the one. She's responsible. She was your governor, elected twice, and now you reelected the president, but he picked her.'" Huelskamp said.

Yeah, Tim was a contender, losing out narrowly to eventual winner Blake Farenthold of Texas, who mysteriously has become a regular on MSNBC because Farenthold is one of the few elected Republican officials who unabashedly supports the party's presidential nominee.

It turns out, as The Wichita Eagle informs us, that there was even greater disappointment in Tim's future.

Late Tuesday evening with 96 percent of the precincts reporting, Marshall led Huelskamp 57 percent to 43 percent, according to unofficial results from the Kansas Secretary of State's Office…Marshall won many of the far western Kansas counties where Huelskamp had won his last Republican primary in 2014. Among the few counties the conservative lawmaker carried: Seward, along the state's southern border, which includes the city of Liberal.

It also seems that Tim accepted his defeat with considerable grace and style.

Earlier in the evening, multiple television and newspaper reporters were kicked out of Huelskamp's "victory" headquarters in Hutchinson, with little explanation offered.

Dick move. I treasure consistency in my politicians.

This Marshall fella is no bargain. He's a U.S. Chamber of Commerce Republican who capitalized on Huelskamp's being dick enough to vote against a farm bill that would have helped out Big Ag, which plowed—yeah, you saw what I did there—a lot of supporters behind Marshall's campaign.

Meanwhile, Huelskamp ran a campaign based on stuff you can hear on drive-time radio. From McClatchy:

Huelskamp claimed that Marshall, a physician, would reap the benefits of President Obama's signature health-care law, something both candidates opposed. He also claimed that Marshall belongs to a medical professional association that backs Planned Parenthood. Both candidates oppose abortion.

The philosophical musings of Tim Huelskamp: I hate the ACA. Physicians get paid under the ACA, so I hate them, too. They belong to groups that are allied with other groups that I hate. Therefore, my opponent is a baby-killing savage. And, perhaps, all men are Socrates.

Huelskamp's running buddies in the House Freedom Caucus—Motto: 1859 Or Bust!—are predictably agog at the result. The Republican Establishment has stabbed them in the back again! Josh's joint reminds us to double our popcorn order this week. Via TPM:

"In an ugly and dishonest campaign, Tim's record was attacked and misrepresented by big money special interest groups who wanted to exact their revenge," [Congressman Jim] Jordan said. "Republicans need to be unified behind conservative principles to stop the Obama/Clinton agenda. The House Republican leadership's opposition to Tim Huelskamp significantly damaged the ability of House Republicans to do that."

In conclusion, we take you live to our special correspondent out in Ohio:

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Turns out Speaker Boehner is indeed enjoying Kansas primary night. Just received this from former staffer! pic.twitter.com/hIzmFt8hn0 — Carl Hulse (@hillhulse) August 3, 2016

Have another, big fella. It's your day.

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Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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