Pants Sales Plummet As Everyone Working From Home

U.S.—With everyone staying home and working remotely because of the novel coronavirus, one industry is especially being hit hard: pants manufacturers.

“I’m at home all day now, so what do I need pants for?” said Carl Hampton, a computer programmer, expressing a common sentiment. “I’m starting to feel dumb that I ever wore pants.”

While shirts are still somewhat popular, pants have taken a blow from the new telecommuting paradigm and have been found to be completely unnecessary articles of clothing and are thought to even restrict creativity and productivity. “Pants are a bane to a worker’s existence,” said Spencer Neal, an accountant. “Culturally, you have to wear them around other people, but now that we’re by ourselves, goodbye, pants!”

Pants manufacturers are attempting to fight back. Levi's has introduced the new slogan “God is always watching” to try to shame people back into their pants, but so far it has been ineffective. Even President Trump has been trying to prop up the dying industry, saying at a press conference, “Pants are great! Very necessary article of clothing. People should wear them all the time.” When a reporter pointed out that Trump was not wearing pants, he said he thought the press conference was only going to be "from the waist up.”

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