You’ve probably seen it before on social media: guys who constantly complain how girls only date jerks and bad boys instead of “nice guys” like them. You might even have a nice guy friend who tells you all this in person. These guys whine about how they treat women like queens, but are rejected in favor of abusers, losers, idiots, and guys only after “one thing.”

However, when women reject these nice guys, despite their constantly professed “niceness,” they become passive-aggressive, abruptly turn angry, and go on social media (or go to their friend) where they lament about the downfall of civilization due to female tastes in bad men. And, they always use the word “female.” For some reason, it’s the go-to word.

These guys are suffering with an ailment called “nice guy syndrome.” Although your friends might not accept the nice guy syndrome definition and cure, at the very least this article can inform you of the reality of the “nice guy” phenomenon that you might have noticed but don’t truly understand.

Now is a good time to take our entertaining and totally non-scientific “How Much of A “Nice Guy” Are You?” Quiz! This nice guy syndrome test will diagnose the extent of your problem!



Let’s talk about this affliction in more detail…

Nice Guy Syndrome Definition

When a passive, generally cordial guy tries to get sex and/or a relationship with a woman by emphasizing how nice, sweet, and caring he is. Typically, he confuses being boring, passive, and acting like a doormat for “niceness.”

He believes that his nice passivity guarantees him and even entitles him to sex and/or a relationship. However, when his strategy doesn’t work, the nice facade drops and his passive-aggressive colors come out in the form of nasty messages, angry social media statuses, and cutting off fake friendships.

Symptoms

– Frequent use of words like “douchebag,” “douche,” “jerk,” and “loser” to describe attractive guys women actually want to date

– Double texting when a woman doesn’t respond quickly enough (e.g. “please respond”)

– Begging and pleading for a woman’s attention

– Laments on social media about the latest rejections, all for being “nice” which women allegedly hate

– Boring personality, passivity, lack of assertiveness and cordial behavior labelled as “nice”

– Prone to grand romantic gestures and random confessions of love (that backfire spectacularly)

– Sees women as vending machines- Act nice, get sex

– Lack of awareness of what women actually find attractive

– Wants a hot woman, while being unattractive himself

– Uses word “females” to refer to women

– Usually isn’t very “nice” at all if his strategy of “niceness” doesn’t work to get a date

– Prone to angry outbursts and name calling when rejected (a rejection they attribute to women preferring jerks)

Prognosis

Without treatment, “nice guy syndrome” leads to chronic singleness with occasional drunk sex, ravenous consumption of pornography, unjustified misogyny, angry outbursts at women, and blue balls

But, you don’t have to suffer from this disorder and overcoming it is very possible.

Overcoming Nice Guy Syndrome: The Cure

The good news is that nice guy syndrome can be cured. However, many nice guys don’t even see the need for intervention, let alone the desire to overcome it. They think they are morally superior and the problem with their poor dating results isn’t their fault, but lies with the women and douches out there.

However, if you are a nice guy type (or know one), it’s important to be honest with yourself. If your strategy isn’t working, then maybe it’s time to try a new one. The cure doesn’t involve being a jerk, just a few simple things.

Note: this article is about overcoming nice guy attitudes to help guys who fall into this toxic attitude. If you want a theoretical assessment from an academic perspective, look elsewhere.

Be Attractive

Women, like men, want to date attractive guys. Niceness is attraction neutral. Yes, women want to be with nice guys. But, they want to be with an attractive guy first and foremost. Would a guy date a morbidly obese, ugly elderly woman just because she was nice? No way! Women are the same. That guy you think is a “douche” might actually both treat her well and turn her on.

If you want to date a woman, then be attractive. Lift weights, get in shape, develop confidence and social skills, stop being needy, stand up for yourself, speak your mind, develop a bit of an edge, know how to treat a woman in bed, and so on.

If you can be attractive, you’ll get a woman. If you’re a good guy too, it’s even better for overcoming nice guy syndrome.

Be Authentic

Nice guy syndrome is ultimately about lying and misrepresenting. Nice guys typically think sucking up to women through nice, sweet and ultimately fake gestures will get them laid. But, it doesn’t. Being your authentic self is a far better dating strategy, even if that means being opinionated, assertive, and blunt. Women prefer an authentic, attractive man with flaws to a fake, unattractive, squishy guy.

Stop the Hate

Let’s face it. Many “nice guys” claim to love women, but deep down they hate them. If you fundamentally hate women, you’re never going to date them. And, it’s a pretty shitty way to go through life.

As mentioned earlier, no one owes anyone anything in the world of attraction. If you were rejected by a woman in the past and feel intense hatred for an entire sex, not only is it stupid, but it’s going to show. Past your passive smile and nice guy language, everyone will know you’re a misogynist.

If you truly hate women, get into therapy and move past it.

Be Masculine

Nice guys aren’t very manly. Passivity and lack of assertiveness are ultimately not masculine traits and nice guys don’t pass women’s test. And, lashing out in anger when rejected isn’t true masculinity either. Being super passive then getting enraged just makes a person look weak.

Women don’t want misogynistic, over macho jerks (e.g. what some call toxic masculinity). But, they do want guys who are masculine in the positive, traditional sense of assertive, confident, strong personality, a leader, etc.

But, don’t think being a giant jerk or pretending to be an alleged “alpha male” is going to solve your problems. Cool, quiet confidence is attractive. Anger and rage are huge turn offs.

If you get rejected or feel like you’re powerless, then work on bettering yourself. Get fit, take classes, assume leadership positions. Instead of reacting with anger and bitterness, practice amused mastery. In the end, it’s healthier and more attractive.

So, if you’ve fallen victim to nice guy syndrome, there is hope. Quit doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results. Be an attractive, excellent, good guy and you’ll have no problem getting dates. In fact, you’ll find that it’s pretty easy, although some “nice guy” might call you a douche for daring to be attractive and successful with the ladies.

Here are some examples of nice guys at work (find more at the Nice Guys Subreddit):

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