



In the beginning there was Mcdonalds. And Mcdonalds was never good. Then came the two descendants, Burger King and Wendys. Though they tried, they still were not good. The world was then exposed to Carl's Jr, who stated that "if it didn't get all over the place, it didn't belong in your face." They then tried to convince us that their burgers were delicious when Paris Hilton starting rubbing a 6 dollar mushroom chili burger on her heroin-riddled arms. Are chili burgers supposed to be sexy? Is Paris Hilton supposed to be sexy? Is Paris Hilton still alive?



In recent years there has been an influx of overexpensive-oversized classy fast food restaurants. You can't go anywhere (unless you live in Pocatello) without seeing a Cafe Rio, Chipotle, or Pei Wei. In the past year, Five Guys Burgers and Fries have opened up several locations locally. All of these places are great choices if you're feeling that you need to gain 3 pounds and lose 10 dollars a pop. The most recent addition to this smorgasborg (not sure that's how you spell it. I learned that word from Charlotte's Web) is Smashburger. (Yes, one word. Smashburger.)



My friend suggested we try it out but I was trepid because I had recently grown attached to Five Guys cajun fries. But who am I to say no to a burger? Unlike Meatwad, I don't like to veer off of my taste palate path. I always order the same kind of burger. Like 97% of the free world's population I am a big fan of bacon. (The other 3% are vegetarians and are unhappy) Add some cheese, BBQ sauce, and Onion Straws and I was sold on the "Beehive Burger." For those of you who don't live in Utah (be thankful) It is really the "bbq, bacon, cheese" burger. But because I live in the Beehive State they personalized a burger just for me. I feel special.



The "beehive" smashburger is a more exotic name than the literal bbq, bacon, and cheese burger. Let's break down what makes this burger great.



First off you have the egg buns. No longer will I be satisfied with buns that come in 8 packs from the store. The egg buns have a very satisfying taste and does not feel like you're eating a foam mattress that everyone else forms their buns from. I like BBQ sauce on everything I eat (even salad? Yes, even salad) and it gives the burger a nice little kick but I would be happy if the burger were bathing in it and not just a dab on the bun. Onion straws and bacon make everything better. Jim Gaffigan once said that bacon makes a mediocre appetizer into an entree. He is half right, add some onion straws and you have a gourmet feast. Cheese is cheese and is necessary as another layer of a possible future heart attack. The 1/3 pound patty is smashed pretty thin (i.e. Smashburger) but is really no thinner than any franchise burger joint I've been. Also, if you're feeling crazy, you can go for the 1/2 pound burger where the meat is the size of a small plate and hangs over the sides of the bun.



Don't forget the Smash fries. The burger would not be complete without these delicious morsels. They are thin fries cooked with rosemary, olive oil, and garlic. I think I just drooled on my keyboard. If you are adventurous you can get the sweet potato smashfries. Yep, drooled again.



The 1/3 lb burger alone is going to run you 5.99. (1/2 lb is 6.99) Add some smashfries onto that for 1.99 and a drink for an additional 1.79 and you're paying a cool 10 bucks (don't add a tip. never add a tip on a receipt for fast food) to be a glutton but give your taste buds a party that they'll want to revisit again and again.



I give the Smashburger Beehive Burger 4 stars. It is one of the juiciest, most delicious burgers I've ever had but it will put you in the poorhouse.

