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The N.J. Statehouse in a file photo.

(Star-Ledger file photo)

By Brad Fay

New Jerseyans of all ages, races and political persuasions were united this month in celebrating America’s Independence Day, but one group was left out: those who pay or receive permanent alimony due to a marriage that both parties agreed to end, sometimes decades earlier.

Such financial ties make it extremely difficult for either party to move on with their lives.

It is a problem so pervasive that legislatures in several states, including New Jersey, are seriously considering measures to create standard guidelines for alimony that would largely rule out "permanent" alimony. The Massachusetts legislature unanimously abolished permanent alimony in 2011.

Few people are aware that permanent alimony even exists, because it conflicts with American values of independence, equality and fairness. And yet it is quite commonly awarded in marriages of more than 10 years, even when both parties are well-educated and capable of self-support. In theory, such awards are designed to help both parties maintain the “marital lifestyle,” although this is almost always impossible. (Importantly, alimony is over and above any child support payments that might be required until children are grown.)

Under current law, a person who marries at age 25 and divorces at 35 could have a 50-year alimony obligation, equal to up to one-third of his or her annual income at the time of the divorce.

Usually, the only escape is when the lower-earning spouse remarries or dies. But the presence of large alimony payments can be a major deterrent to remarriage by the person receiving alimony, and can also discourage work, since that could be the basis for a reduction of alimony.

This is not a men-vs.-women issue. According to a Pew Study of Census data released in May, approximately four in 10 family households now have a woman as the main breadwinner. In one unfortunate case, a New Jersey woman on Social Security Disability is being forced by New Jersey’s courts to pay alimony, permanently, to her former domestic abuser who helped to cause her disability, but who had a lower reported income at the time of divorce.

Cases like these sound so crazy that most people don't believe them. But the situation is only too real for those of us who have lived through it. Those who are interested can read about real-life alimony "horror stories" on the website for NJ Alimony Reform (njalimonyreform.org), a grassroots group that is supporting current Assembly bill A3909.

Advocates for reform are not opposed to alimony. The current bill uses almost exactly the same durational guidelines as those endorsed by the Board of Governors of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. The goals are simple: to help both parties to a divorce make a fair, predictable transition and to assist them in pursuing their new, independent lives.

The problem with alimony laws here and across the country is that they haven’t kept up to date with the changing status of women, longer life expectancies and rising divorce rates. Another big problem is that laws are ambiguous and give overburdened judges too much discretion, which, in turn, enable the divorcing parties to run up big legal bills fighting over the terms of their divorce. When New Jersey finally established “no-fault” divorced in 2007, it forgot to adjust alimony laws which, effectively, assign fault to the higher-earning spouse.

How did this happen? I believe a root cause is that our society can’t get beyond thinking of divorce as a failure for which somebody ought to be blamed.

The easiest target for blame is the person who is more financially successful at the time, regardless of other facts. But with close to 50 percent of marriages now ending in divorce, it’s time we reframe divorce not as a failure, but as another of life’s major passages — albeit a difficult one.

New Jersey’s laws should protect the vulnerable, of course, but they also need to minimize the pain and injustice inflicted by overburdened family courts.

All citizens deserve the opportunity to pursue happiness and independence, as embodied by our national values and traditions — even after they divorce.

Brad Fay is a former deputy mayor of Montgomery Township and a member of NJ Alimony reform.

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