What You Learn in College 1

Quarters are like gold.Flip-flops become as important as soap, and shampoo.Asleep by 2:30 AM is an early night.New additions to the food groups: Mountain Dew, Doritos, Ben & Jerry's, Ho-Hos and Oreos.Make sure your alarm clock has back-up batteries.Duct tape heals all wounds.Showers become less important.Sleep becomes more important.10 minutes is more than enough time to get ready for your first class.Going to the mailbox was never an ego-booster (or ego-breaker) before.You begin to nap again.The book your professor wrote is always required for his class.E-mail becomes your second language.Frat parties are exactly like they are in the movies.Ten-page papers used to sound impossible, now they're a Godsend.You never realized so many people are smarter than you.You never realized so many people are dumber than you.Professors are like celebrities: you see them, but they never see you.Bum rides, money, notes and snacks as much as you can get them.Don't burn bridges, especially if he's good in Biology.Plain pasta never constituted a complete meal before.The health service attendants are there because they couldn't make it in a real hospital, never ever forget that.Forget putting the toilet seat down, you just pray that they flush.Frisbee becomes a contact sport.Care packages rank up there with birthdays.College girls are the same as high school girls - just with more freedom, and no curfew.Pop a vitamin and breakfast is covered.Learn to love your roommate, especially when he leaves you the room.You always thought that worshipping the porcelain god was just an expression, but it's not.Printers only break down when you desperately need them.