It’s been a few episodes since you’ve seen any horses—I’m glad we’re back in the saddle. Lisa Vanderpump inviting me to come riding with her was awesome. Even more lovely was Ken delivering us tea! I can’t even get Edwin to bring me a roll of toilet paper, so it’s a real shock to the system. During our conversation, I open up a bit about my reservations hosting things for these women, and while I would love to have them at my beach house, I just don’t want to feel uncomfortable in my own home because I don’t care about proper glass etiquette. When Lisa presses for me to spill more tea, I’d prefer to just drink mine.

I love that Kyle and Mauricio joke about being late, and as the dinner progresses I see that Kyle and I really share similar humor as well as a love for when our husbands speak Spanish! Oh, here’s the oh-so-glamourous tale of how Edwin met my father: Yes, my dad pulled up in a black SUV, and yes he had a bodyguard who jokingly manhandled Edwin, but all of this was while the smell of grease wafted through the air of the parking lot at the McDonald’s by the Indianapolis airport. And after my dad advised Edwin not to mess with his daughter, they shared a McFlurry and have been as tight as one overprotective father and his son-in-law can be. The end.

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Lisa Rinna’s dramatic reading of my novel/text was everything! Potluck and twin beds—these ladies are not ready!

Also everything: the montage of us all trying to hobble down the not-even-that-steep-walkway to the boat on our various stilts. Hilarious!

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Dorit’s party for PK was amazing; I was impressed by her efforts and the love they have for each other was on full display. And major props to Dorit for singing “Fever!” I would have knocked the veneers right out of my mouth. When Dorit pulled me aside, I can tell I had one too many proseccos and not enough caviar by the slight slur in my voice (so that’s three languages I mangled in one episode), and we were going to talk in circles again; that’s not the boat making you seasick, people! Thankfully, I had my trusty mouthpiece to help express what I was trying to say. I know the difference in glasses—I just don’t care. I guess I need to figure out a better way to communicate other than my RBF and elaborate eye rolls before I’m Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave Bates starring in Psychos: Housewives in Glass Houses.

XX Teddi

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