‘Try taping a tennis ball to the back of your sleepwear,” is one of the simple lifestyle changes you can make to prevent snoring, offered by the NHS website. It stops you from sleeping on your back, when snoring is most likely to occur. I like it: it’s simple, cheap and non-surgical. There have been a few complaints in my house, to be honest, specifically regarding my room, especially after a glass of rioja or two. I’ll give it a go.

First thoughts: the taping process is challenging. I can’t see, or reach back there. The tape gets twisted; the ball falls to the floor. Love-15.

Ah, tape first, then don sleepwear, perhaps? (This is a learning process.) No, that’s never going to stay on. Let’s try better tape, proper 50mm industrial gaffer tape. But even that’s not sticking well to cotton M&S Christmas-prezzy PJs (seldom worn). It will never last the night.

Is bare skin better? I don’t really do sleepwear, so maybe I should try going all the way round in a full torso wrap. One thing is clear: I need help. I also need to make sure the curtains are closed. I don’t want the whole street to see my girlfriend wrapping a tennis ball to my back with black gaffer tape. They might think I’m a Tory MP.

OK, so that’s not going to come off, and I won’t snore, because I can’t breathe, get it off …

Bloody hell, that hurt. I’m not a hairy man, now even less so, with a totally bare raw strip, 50mm wide, around my midriff. Has the NHS tried this? Clearly not. No clinical trials conducted. Probably a funding issue.

My girlfriend solves the problem, rather ingeniously. No tape required, just an elastic band and a T-shirt. Position the ball inside the T-shirt and then fix it by putting the band (a hairband will do it) around the ball on the outside of the T-shirt – like a top-knot, perfectly secure. You can even do it yourself, before putting the T-shirt on.

Does it work? Well, yes, kind of. There was, apparently, a small amount of snorage (even on a no-booze Monday), but I think that’s because I used a very old, loose T-shirt and the ball slid around the side, which allowed me to sneak on to my back. A slightly tighter T-shirt: problem solved, relationship saved.