It happens to every Occultist sometime in their life, you’re busy with an enchantment or summoning spell and your eyes skip a line of ritual chanting. Maybe you’re new at this, or maybe you’re experienced but you were just distracted. No judgement here, just plain truth.

And the plain truth is that you’re screwed because Cthulhu is on the way.

Or are you?

Let’s explore the subject of just how badly things have gotten when you make the mistake of accidentally summoning Cthulhu. First, we need to figure out the general circumstances to explain how this happened, and this in turn will help us to determine whether or not Cthulhu is actually coming and what you may be able to do about it.

Scenario 1: Probably Not Cthulhu

It’s entirely possible that you didn’t summon Cthulhu, or at the very least you summoned something that kinda-sorta looks like Cthulhu but isn’t. Cthulhu, as Eldritch Terrors go, is quite popular and has a huge fanbase stretched across the cosmos, with several sub-species purposefully altering their visage to resemble him.

If you’ve summoned something and it’s shambling about right now, but hasn’t killed you yet, than chances are it’s just one of these ‘Star Spawn’ that worship Cthulhu. Another tell-tale sign is that the entity summoned isn’t actually that big. Cthulhu is a towering horror, these subservient races tend to be much smaller. If the thing you summoned is only slightly larger than a car or small home, but smaller than a skyscraper, than it’s probably not Cthulhu.

This isn’t to say that you’ve got no problems, mind you. Even if Cthulhu isn’t actually on the way, you’ve still got an eldritch horror of some kind on the scene to deal with. Suggested remedies include evacuating the area, attempting a binding or exorcism (experienced Occultists should be the only ones attempting these two remedies), or calling in an air strike from your friendly neighborhood armed forces.

Anything else will probably only delay the inevitable loss of human life.

Scenario 2: Might Be Something Like Cthulhu

As horrifying as it is to consider, Cthulhu isn’t the only cosmic terror dwelling in the void of our gargantuan space. From the nefarious Nyarlathotep, to the elusive Shub-Niggurath and Yog-Sothoth, there are several other mind-shattering threats available for consideration when it looks like your summoning ritual has gone awry.

Tell-tale signs of misidentification include the manifestation or sightings of supernatural entities not associated with Cthulhu. Cthulhu’s overall aesthetic tends towards the aquatic and amphibious (and tentacled), if your ritual has resulted in dark visions and a mad leap forward in engineering principles, you’ve probably made the mistake of summoning Nyarlathotep instead.

It’s important to know who you’ve summoned. Simply asking the summoned entity what their identity is might produce results, but given the dark and alien nature of these creatures any information they give would be circumspect. The agenda, and tastes, of the Eldritch is beyond the ken of mere mortals.

Scenario 3: It’s Definitely Cthulhu

This is the big one — your ritual has gone wrong and now you’ve got the skies darkening over your head and the sound of the seashore crashing against the rocky cliffs is in your ears (which is already disconcerting because you’re miles inland). It’s definitely Cthulhu, and he’s probably none too pleased with being summoned so casually by a lackluster mortal Occultist such as yourself.

Not all hope is actually lost. Cthulhu is a terror that predates time and space itself, yet even he has his fetishes. And one thing Cthulhu loves is to be worshiped. If you throw yourself at his clawed feet and begged forgiveness, and pledge yourself to his cause, you might yet avert disaster.

Be warned, however, that worship of Cthulhu tends to produce different results than typical human religious practices. Overt worship of the Great Old One often brings on fits of depression, madness, glossolalia, schizophrenia, visions from beyond reality and a variety of obsessive-compulsive disorders.

Another option available to the doomed Occultist, and one which is ballsy on a galactic scale, is to actually summon another Eldritch being. Preferably one who doesn’t get along too well with Cthulhu.

It is generally recognized among Occultists that Cthulhu loves flashy entrances and he often takes his time showing up. A deft Occultist could take advantage of this slim window of opportunity to quickly perform another ritual, one designed to summon one of Cthulhu’s distant familial relations.

A popular candidate is Hastur the Yellow King, Cthulhu’s half-brother, a being who often loves to chain the creative minds of mortals to himself but who also despises Cthulhu. Summoning his presence may avert an incoming visit from the Great Sleeper in R’lyeh.

This probably won’t avert all disaster. Given how titanic Eldritch beings are, the idea of two of them having a spat in your presence means you should probably evacuate the area immediately. Eldritch beings tend to be… disruptive… of geological features when they decide to throwdown.

Prevention Is Best

Occultism is not for the faint of heart. When performing your dark and unwholesome rituals, make sure to keep track of your terminology. Knowing who exactly you’ve communicated with will prove vital in saving your life should unplanned events disrupt your process.

Another option is to keep a useful scapegoat on hand should Cthulhu or any other Eldritch being be summoned by accident. Newcomers to the occultic arts often keep small animals on hand, such as goats or dogs, to act as the targets of wrath for accidentally summoned elder gods. It should be emphasized that the use of this practice will make you extremely unpopular with the general public should your activities become known.

Of course, you can always go the full taboo and try and use a human as your would-be sacrifice, but that entails a plethora of moral, metaphysical, and legal ramifications in and of itself.