Augusta- Maine, 12/11/2017 Lizzy Baxter, legal guardian and mother of Eugene Baxter, age 14 is legitimately baffled to be the unfortunate recipient of a child that prefers the solitary confinement of his cheerless fetid room to an vibrant young teen with a love for socializing and making meaningful bonds that will last throughout the ups and downs of life.

“I just wish he’d be a little more active in his social life, or active in general. When the doctor informed me that I’d be having a son, I imagined my bright future on the bleachers of a soccer field cheering on for my child, wearing a fitted V-neck football shirt that would show off my curvaceous -still got it- figure and not this daily rushing to the convenient store whenever we run out of cheesy puffs” says Lizzy, whose real name is actually Elizabeth, but is determinedly holding on to her Highschool nickname. “If only he would just open up to me about the reasons behind him being such a spastic nerd” she adds.

The young vain mother of 2, has successfully managed to refrain from taking any action to comprehend the reasons behind Eugene’s strange tendency to spend the majority of his spare time sitting inches away from his computer screen rather than being friendly at gatherings with his peers in the parks where they commonly gather.

Allegedly, his current condition is the product of his year-long battle against unforgiving puberty, causing his classmates to make him into the target of their pent-up aggression and need to bond with others by finding common interest in isolating and berating a chosen, often genetically inferior peer.

Despite her obvious, so far successful ostriching, Eugene has attempted on numerous occasions to address the delicate issue with his haughty mother, overcoming the barrier that an emotional connection, slowly diminishing under the crushing weight of expectations, but despite his valiant efforts he has yet to establish meaningful communication with her.

The pupils tend to castigate Eugene for his grotesque beef-patty body and beady little scheming eyes that shape him into the likes of a jumbo-sized slippery to the touch hairless mole rat. His truly atrocious physique has driven the dashing, in comparison, classmates into a loathing induced tirade against his obviously cooties festered existence.

On a day-to-day basis, Eugene has developed a strict regime of escapism from reality, with the aid of his state of art gaming console, on which he ironically engages in virtual sporting activities, such as football and first-person shooter games, both of which he could be an active participant of, in his school facilities. The crusty young teen has successfully avoided human interaction, holding a streak of 2 consecutive weeks over the holiday break and is showing no signs of fatigue, as his soft pudgy body adjusts to accommodate his incommensurate sleeping and eating habits.

The underperforming adolescent has refused to give a statement on his current situation as social interaction does not align with his core values, but it is speculated that his statement would consist of soft pathetic grunts.