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And so here I am, convinced the new Star Wars will be a soiled abomination ... based on my own bias and a single rumor.

And while I like to think my own mad ravings are harmless, higher-profile problems like the aforementioned Josh Trank tweet actually cost the studio ticket sales. So suddenly it's a mad tug-o-war between the intense marketing campaigns and the overly hyperbolic headlines pushing in the other direction.

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In the movie news world, "updated" is synonymous with "everything in this headline is bullshit."

And the kicker is that anyone could be right. After all, for all the money it made, Batman V Superman is actually a studio-shaking disappointment according to the internet news I just told you not to always trust ... but which does make sense if you believe that marketing budgets are so high that the film actually broke even with $800 million in box office earnings.

Because movies are way too expensive to market, fans are obsessed maniacs, and internet news is a biased lie, therefore everything I'm saying is a lie. Even me saying that I'm lying could be a lie. For all you know, I don't even exist and the world is a hollow farce perpetually buckling in on itself with every passing microsecond. Time is but the illusion of order in an otherwise random swirl of meaningless consciousness, all because you wanted to know if the next Star Wars was any good. Your curiosity has doomed us all.

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Zoroastrianism used to be one of the biggest religions in the world, but their idea of heaven had a slight twist on it: to get there you'd have to cross a bridge. Sometimes rickety, sometimes wide and sturdy, if you fell off you'd go to the House of Lies for eternity. Fun! Not terrifying at all! This month, Jack, Dan, and Michael along with comedians Casey Jane Ellison and Ramin Nazer as they discuss their favorite afterlife scenarios from movies, sci-fi and lesser-known religions. Get your tickets here and we'll see you on the other side of the bridge!

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