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Many happy returns to the 178,000 people celebrating a birthday but please spare me the gush over this embodiment of “something for nothing” in British life.

The state-orchestrated mass curtsey over our country’s Ruritanian relic will have a jealous Kim Jong-un machine-gunning his Generals, the tinpot tyrant demanding North Korea copy the obsequious propaganda hailing this country’s Dear Monarch who knows little about the lives of her subjects and probably cares even less.

Born into privilege and perpetuating privilege, the Queen’s role is to apply a royal gloss to grotesque inequality and greed with Forbes estimating her fortune at £275m.

To legitimise the unfairness of a roll of the DNA dice which condemns many to poverty, others to graft and a lucky few to a golden carriage ride.

(Image: REUTERS)

To deploy deference as a weapon shielding the unearned loot of a ruling class, whether blue bloods or the corporate world’s robber barons.

My objection to the kowtowing isn’t the Queen ’s a nasty old lady, cruel to corgis and great-grandchildren.

Read more:The Queen has NEVER visited her husband's homeland of Greece

Like most Britons, I’ve never met her. I’m unlikely ever to after irritating hubby Phil a while back by ignoring a flunkey’s instruction to bow in Buck House.

The happy returns extend to her as one of the 178,000 but the institution she represents belongs to the past and should dumped in the dustbin of history when she’s gone, Elizabeth II also Elizabeth the Last.

(Image: Getty)

We should elect our head of state to meet and greet instead of cranky King Charles III being foisted on Britain.

To be followed by workshy Wills and simpering Kate, the Spencer Matthews and Kim Kardashian of the royal reality show, straining purposefully for the cameras to appear employed on another fabulous junket.

I don’t want to live in a Britain represented by hand-me-downs who must think the entire country smells of fresh paint, streets are paved in red carpets and the population waits silently in line to bend the knee or wave a little flag.

(Image: Getty)

Electing a head of state is fundamental if we’re to call Britain a democracy and finally shake off the feudal family, whether we pick for the job a J K Rowling or, gawd, tax-avoiding billionaire Richard Branson or two-bit politician.

We Republicans will be ignored on Betty’s Birthday but the poll finding 17% want to axe the monarchy means there’ll be up to 11million of us silently spending our money face down and grumbling at the telly.

I admire how the Queen, with her German heritage, and Phil, a Prince of Greece and Denmark, prove migrants integrate successfully in Britain but its time to say goodbye to a Disney production way past its sell-by date with Elizabeth the Last.

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