CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT﻿

The constantly roasted AFLX competition, which takes place tonight in the Victorian capital, has today announced the introduction of tables, ladders and chairs – in an effort to spice up the already weird as fuck code of football.

The latest innovation is an attempt at maintaining the focus on entertainment at the pre-season event by encouraging pure human rubble on the pitch, with players from all four teams encouraged create as much carnage as possible by battering each other with the clunky household items.

It’s just one of the new initiatives brought in for this year’s tournament, now in its second incarnation, after being wildly outshadowed by the NRLs explosive Indigenous All Stars Round.

Another sees the captains of the four teams – Bolts, Rampage, Deadly and Flyers – select their own theme songs to be played when they run out onto the pitch – and for one player from each team to armed with a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire.

AFL CEO Gillon McLachlan has given the new inclusion his wholehearted approval.

“THIS IS AFLX!” he roars into a microphone in front of screaming audiences.

“FIRST BLOOD!”