Welcome to “Ask a Feminist,” a one-off feature in which male-run (but suuuupper progressive) startups, ad agencies committed to #disruptingdiversity and corporations looking to “tap the female influencer market” can find out once and for all, “How feminist are we?”

Dear Ask a Feminist,

How many times have you been in the shower, gripping a bottle of body wash in your hand, only to break down in tears on the cold porcelain due to patriarchal soap size standards? Us too. Which is why we’ve created a new line of body wash containers custom-sized to your real body. Yes, we paid an advertising agency to create what are essentially glorified Honey Bear bottles full of soap so that the next time you wander into your local pharmacy, looking for an ointment for that pesky rash, you can also face the existential question, “Am I more of a pear or a grapefruit shape?” That’s feminist, right?

Dove

Dear Dove,

This isn’t what “the personal is political” means.

Ask a Feminist

Dear A.A.F.,

I am a SHE-E.O. That’s like a C.E.O., but female. What’s the difference between a SHE-E.O. and a C.E.O.? Well. I employ only entrefemmeurs and momtrapreneurs, for one. I have boobs, for two. How did I become a SHE-E.O.? I began as a young girlboss, obviously, performing all of the duties of a regular boss but clad from head to toe in millennial pink. Now I am building a fempire. I just wanted to make sure: Is that feminist?

Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Def not. But thanks for asking, I guess.

Ask a Feminist

Dear A.A.F.,

At the #FindYourInnerGoddess conference for women, sponsored by Botox, we believe that magic happens when women come together in an inspiring beachside resort. This is why we’ve put together a two-day, $7,895, highly curated program of empowering content, featuring 12 celebrities who have nothing to do with women’s rights and Kendall Jenner. We’ll wake up with morning vaginal steaming, gather at lunch for a workshop on taking selfies from the #femalegaze, and close out the day ideating on all the different words we can use to talk about feminism without actually using the word feminism (authentic living! Finding our center! Personal authority!). Gift bags include Sweet Green gift cards, a build-your-own-terrarium kit, be KIND to other women bars, and those period panties everyone is talking about. We’re pretty sure we’re slaying the feminism game. Do you agree?