I had an unexpected sick day this week when my back protested vehemently about me leaving the apartment yesterday morning. I settled in to read fanfiction, and then Frenchie said some words that changed the course of the entire day. “Watch Hannibal,” she said, reminding me that season 3 was starting this week. I had never seen an episode of the show, but Nancy and Frenchie agreed that I could get a pretty good groundwork underneath me with a day of uninterrupted watching. They suggested the first and last episodes of the first season, and then as much of the second season as I could get through.

That’s how I came to binge-watch 15 episodes of Hannibal in a single day. The first, second (I couldn’t help it), and last episodes of season 1, and episodes 1-12 of season 2. To say that I was changed by this experience is a dramatic understatement. To say that my sleep was interrupted last night is likewise putting it mildly. It might have been a very bad idea to watch “Tome-wan” right before planning to go to bed (spoiler alert, I stayed up another two and a half hours after that one because there were certain images I couldn’t rid my brain of). And then today on my lunch break, I watched “Mizumono.”

I don’t know how to express my feels right now. I have so very, very many. I had a lot before “Mizumono,” and with that episode on top of it, we’ve reached critical mass.

Instead, I will take you through everything that I went through in a non-spoiler kind of way via gifs, because that’s how we like to roll at On Wednesdays:

My thoughts about the series in general: I have not watched anything from behind my fingers since I was about 15. In the course of the 16 episodes I watched, I did it four times. This is not the psychological thriller of Silence of the Lambs. Or rather, it’s not just a psychological thriller. It’s horror, it’s a character study, it’s gothic, it’s a mindfuck, it’s art, it’s beautiful, it’s horrible. And I can’t stop watching. I am so damned glad that I watched “Mizumono” today, though, because if I had seen that and had to wait a year to find out what happened next? I might have offed myself.

Hannibal has changed me. I spent many hours yesterday in a very dark place. Today I have emerged as a Fannibal, and I see the world in a different light. This is Bryan Fuller’s design, and I embrace it.