Here at Cracked, we've examined plenty of screwball amusement parks that hucksters with dollar signs for eyes had the gumption to actually build. But sometimes these ideas for weirdo playlands never make it past concept art stage. Here are five theme parks you'll never ever attend, unless you know the secret of turning a dump truck full of venture capital into a time machine. And it's too bad, because we really wouldn't have minded visiting ...

5 The Life-Size USS Enterprise of Las Vegas

The Goddard Group

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In 1992, Las Vegas was giddy with a building boom. The old Mafia-run casinos had been run out of town years before, and corporations muscled in. When a prime piece of property opened up at the end of the Strip, a consortium known as the Goddard Group decided to honor Las Vegas' martini-and-Rat Pack past and plop down the entire goddamn USS Enterprise there.

The Goddard Group

Kirk's gambling problem sorta snowballed in the later years.

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Yes, this 23-story, 600-foot-long, $150 million Star Trek resort would've resembled the Enterprise if it had traveled back in time, crashed on the Strip, and been outfitted as a casino/theme park so that Captain Kirk always had a venue to perform his spoken-word poetry.

The Goddard Group

Maybe they'd cross-promote with the Luxor and we could hear him sing "Walk Like an Egyptian."

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And this wasn't the proposal of a single starry-eyed Trekkie, intoxicated by the prospect of the Blue Man Group painted "Orion slave girl green," surly Klingons manning the craps tables, and call girls whose sole gimmick would be imitating Ensign Chekhov's ridiculous Soviet accent. The idea gained traction over a period of five months with the support of the then-mayor of Las Vegas, developers, studio executives, and presumably die-hard fans who began a letter-writing campaign demanding Jacuzzis shaped like Leonard Nimoy's head.