I work on the infectious diseases ward of a major UK hospital. This has now become a coronavirus ward. It’s a “red zone” – one of the most infectious areas. We have all the patients here who have tested positive, apart from the ones so severely ill they need intensive care. We know that some of our patients will die.

I treat patients who are proven to have coronavirus. One week ago, I was wearing full PPE [personal protective equipment]. That consists of a proper FFP3 mask [offering high respiratory protection], a visor, a surgical gown, and two pairs of gloves.

Now we’ve been told not to bother with any of that. They’ve told us “just treat it as though it’s seasonal flu”. Now we are expected to wear just a normal surgical mask, a pair of ordinary short gloves, and a plastic apron that doesn’t cover all of you like a surgical gown does. I would see other patients around the hospital in the same scrubs, and the scrubs could have coronavirus on them.

But this advice contradicts WHO and European guidance. This guidance says to use full PPE if you are exposed to patients with coronavirus.

I am terrified. I’m seriously considering whether I can keep working as a doctor. I may be OK – I’m young and healthy – but I can’t bear the thought of infecting other patients with a disease that could kill them. And that is the risk, without proper PPE. It’s terrifying; it’s indescribable. This is not seasonal flu. This is a new virus with greater mortality and we know much less about it.

I cannot believe or understand why Public Health England has downgraded our PPE advice. Why are they contradicting international advice? The evidence that ordinary surgical masks are protective is from dealing with seasonal flu, not this new virus. Doctors are dying in Italy and China. Young people are dying, too.

I cannot understand what the rationale and motives are. Have they given up? Are they just deciding to build up herd immunity by watching us die? The government has given up, hasn’t it?

I’m losing faith in the leadership, medical as well as political. It doesn’t look like there’s a plan. We had weeks to prepare and we are still running out of PPE. And clearly, doctors are expendable. Why sacrifice us when there aren’t enough of us as it is? How many of us will still be able to work when the “right time” finally arrives? They are throwing us into the slaughterhouse. This is what they are doing.

How can I sleep? I feel sick. They are making it impossible for me to do my job. I’m in shock. I feel betrayed. Who is going to look after our patients if we are ill or dead?

I cannot understand why they have stopped testing and contract tracing, either. Hospital staff are being told we cannot be tested if our [own] symptoms are mild. This is unbelievable. If we’re not allowed to be tested, then how will we ever know how many other people – patients – we are infecting? Brilliant. What a brilliant plan.