November 17th, 2010

Part of my journey, my evolution, is dealing with particularly upsetting moments in the months after Zachary’s murder. I do not mean, in any sense, to fan the flames of prejudice, that is NOT my intent. The website shown above, and others, are now a part of my psyche, a part what I am recovering from, a part, now, of who I am. The photo above, with my son’s face between and behind the two men who killed him, haunts me. Can you imagine, sitting at your computer, researching the media coverage of your son’s death, trying to see what the rest of the world saw, and this, this is what you stumble on. Your son’s murderers proclaimed a hero by a percentage of the African-American community, in the war for reparations. The creators of this blog, The National Black Soldier Network, posted this on the same day the Tempe Police announced the arrest; the one month anniversary of my son’s brutal death, two minutes after the press conference. I will, in a later post, describe my experiences in the media, that part of the story is yet to be told, but suffice it to say, when I threw myself out there, I assumed that all of the negative coverage would be aimed at me, not my son. This was particularly heartbreaking. What really bothered me were the comments posted in the site:

What they failed to understand is that by killing my son, the black community lost someone who would have been, one of their greatest advocates. Zachary, when it came to judging others, was absolutely color blind; he judged people on their drive, motivation, whether they tried to be their best. He was studying philosophy and concluded that only acts in furtherance of the greater good were acts worth making, and if someone did things that were not in the interest of the greater good, he did not waste his time with them. He grew up watching his father and grandfather, and uncles and cousins, fight for the civil rights and due process rights of all Americans, no matter race, creed, color or economic wealth. We represented poor people and for the most part, we tried to make a difference; Zachary would have made a difference.

Now, do not think that only African-Americans used Zack’s death for their own agenda. Whites also, apparently, could not let the highly publicized death of my son pass without their own silliness: (www.newnation.tv)

Two ji@@boos kill innocent ASU white student This stuff is getting old. Its time to send these bastards back to Africa where they belong. I’m tired of all the white sobbing like this that happens every day and usually at the hands of negros. ASU student shot, killed during robbery On the radio they are saying it is two black males but of course in this political correct media they don’t mention it. All the posters in the article seem to know it though.

The comments attached to this article are just too nasty to repeat.

These websites are merely representative. There are other websites that used his death to fuel political agendas, to feed racism, counter racism, greed and hate. I am not going to post them, but, I am making a point. To understand where I am going, I think I have to understand where I am coming from. I wish I had not found these sites, but I did. I read them. I read everything. I felt I had to, to make sure my message was getting out there loud and clear. It was. And so were many other messages.

These sites, these diatribes of hate, this nonsense of the mind, this perversion of my son’s memory is out there for all to see. Sometimes, in my dreams, I see my son, sitting in front of his stolen Dell Laptop Computer, reading these websites. Like the American Indian in the old litter commercials, he turns to me and I see, a single tear rolling down his cheek. He says, “They just don’t get it.”

Then I wake up.

I have had three different dreams about my son since he died, this is the only recurring dream.