Following Up on Yesterday’s Post and #GamerGate

So, I just finished reading this article and I would recommend that everyone read it, because it’s awesome.

But one thing keeps on coming up that’s been bothering me.

I have always been a gamer. For as long as I can remember. And I avoided online spaces when I was younger because of the misogyny.

In recent years, I stopped avoiding the online gaming community. And I learned which places were toxic and which weren’t.

With the rise of GamerGate, I started avoiding those communities again. When I met other gamers IRL, I would be more wary of them than I had been in a long while.

However, while those participating in GamerGate are problematic (or evil devil-spawn, depending on how harshly you view women being harassed out of their homes /sarcasm, because, seriously, that kind of behaviour makes me physically ill), the way the rest of the gaming community has been speaking out against them has given me hope.

I can see the change on the horizon, despite the screaming of GamerGaters, and I can see gaming as a whole changing for the better.

So, yeah, great, we’ll beat this, right?

Well, I think so. But that’s not the only thing that’s bothering me.

You see, when I visit forums or comments sections to talk about GamerGate, I steel myself against the abuse and misogyny that I know I will face because I don’t hide my gender online.

It still hurts, but participating in the discussion is more important to me than that.

But then, those standing with me against GamerGate will start insulting GamerGaters. One ‘insult’ I keep seeing is “autistic”.

That Gamergate is just a bunch of autistic losers with nothing better to do.

And then I feel lost.

GamerGate doesn’t want me in the gaming community because I’m a woman. Those who stand against GamerGate don’t want me there because I’m autistic.

I’ve already talked about why “autism” is a problematic insult, but that’s not the point here.

The point is that I feel as if this community, which I have been a part of for years, has abandoned me on all fronts.

There are no safe spaces for autistic women in gaming and that scares and hurts me.

But I’m past the point of logging off and playing games alone, with no one to talk about it with.

Which means speaking up and carving my own space. Whether people want me there or not.