Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s.

WALSH

Transfers:

N/A

Will let my double Chelsea attack go on for one last hurrah before I figure out which / how many Spurs assets to bring in next week with two frees. With the positive news on Costa and no huge problems besides Baines’ knock which will probably keep him out for 3 months as per usual with him I’m in okay shape to save. Or so it seems.

GK: TOM. Seems like best case 4 pointer with bunch of saves. Meh. After that 10 spot last week he can do no wrong. Maybe he’ll stop a pen from Donq. Kill for.

DEF: First three at the back situation for me in a very long time. Alonso and Van Fuck go at home against some shitty ass teams so hopefully there are two cleans there. Van Fuck is on a short leash though - they have been pretty fucking bad lately and it doesn’t feel outstanding to have a premium defender spot taken up by someone on a bottom half side. Turning him into a Spurs defender could be great, but we’ll see if I have enough money to make it work based on what I want to do in attack. Baines suddenly is a concern. Koeman is a notorious liar about player fitness and it would not be the most surprising thing to see Baines not on the weekend team sheet. Usually when a manager says a player should be fine for the weekend that means he SHOULD BE FUCKING FINE but Koeman doesn’t speak clear English and is a little tubby pea coat wearing cocksuck so who knows. If Baines misses out I think I’m going to rip him straight out as I do not want to be dealing with a niggle which could just as well keep him out for a month as had done earlier in the season. We’ll see - hopefully he starts and just tits.

MID: This quartet looks ready to fire in some points for me this weekend. Still feel very high on Rambo and the double with Alexis still feels nice. Too bad G is healthy…although Alexis has been returning fairly steadily, there is no doubt that he is less threatening with Donq fuck in there. He will still steadily tick and return as he has done the past handful but an explosion does not feel imminent. Yaya was his usually Yayayay self against Everton playing pretty deep but with Raz in the side City probably have the highest chance of getting a pen of any team in the league. Really big game for City we’ll see what Pep does with the lineup. Kinda thinking he will pack midfield, but we’ll see. Finally, Hazard is still hanging around in my side. This is probably his farewell game regardless of what he does against Hull. Feels like there is better value elsewhere and he’s got a few tough games after Hull. Should tit and tot this weekend though especially with Hull losing Livermore who has been a very steady and solid mid for them. I think they are going to get absolutely battered.

FWD: Crouch headlines my forward group with lesser humans Ibra and Costa fighting over who will carry his boots. I will be watching Stoke closely as Crouch suddenly seems like a reasonably solid start every week forward as long as he is featuring for Stoke. A career renaissance would make it very unsurprising to see this giraffe fuck bonk in another goal this weekend against a fairly short United defense. Hoping for no Fellaini in the team sheet. Costa should slot right back into the 11 for Willy after being declared fully fit by Conte today. Unless he wants to reprimand and bench him to send a message which would be annoying…and sort of a tactic I would expect from a lesser manager. Costa is my insane massive differential this weekend after suffering from I think 6 price drops he better repay it with some puntos against Hull on Sunday.

CAP: Hazard baby. Last time I tipped Hazard cap I took it off him after lineup lambs came out in a sudden rush of madness. I ended up losing points on the switch as often happens with last minute captaincy changes. This time I will not make the same mistake. Even though Alexis is the runaway leader I just don’t love him out on the wing, simple as. Yes Burnley are shit away but thinking back to last season Alexis was barely ever a captaincy shout with Giroud in the side and I think the same sort of thing applies now. Hazard does his FPL business at home and I am hoping he flat track bullies Hull. A penalty is very real for Chelsea too as Hull have given away the most in the league which is not something that I am overlooking. A free 10 point spot kick would have me jerking it to a widescreen pic of the Belgian flag on my laptop. Go on Hazzy - do me.

ALON

Transfers:

N/A

Also saving. Saving is just the greatest. Unless you’re getting 0s in your lineup I think saving is a reasonable option whenever you only have 1 FT. It may not feel good, like you’re getting left in the dust by the other more aggressive managers flying into -4s and -8s and shit but no. Calm your tit saving is a beautiful thing always.

I still have Siggy in my team who has had a laser on his forehead for weeks now and I thought that I was finally ready to pull the trigger but I’m not. The maths are hard to do but I was trying in my head to figure out the value of a FT. I don’t know do you? Bottom line is this:

Siggy + FT vs. Eriksen or Alli away at the Ethiad

I’m taking the FT route. I think Tottenham fans and FPL managers are overlooking the fact that City are still a very good team and this match is at the Ethiad. I don’t see Spurs BATTERING them even though they’re probably slight favorites to win. I think I can live w/o Spurs for one more week and then have 2FT next to deal with probably Siggy, Firmino, and maybe one more (ie. if Baines is not fit).

GK: I love Lee Grant we all know this but fuck it feels legitimately awful to not have Heaton. He’s by far the best GK in all of FPL not even close. One day I’ll make that luxury transfer. Not this week though.

DEF: Same ole trio for me protecting Lee Grant starting with newly cemented legend lord of dongs Alonso. Great that he could come out like he did last week and break the hex that I had put on him. He’s golden. Phil Jones keeps his place in my side I just hope that Mou feels similarly because he’s way better then fucking two-footed tackling neck tattoo fuckboi Rojo but I’ll still be sweating the team sheet… United have been very good defensively and I hope they can keep a bundle of cleans in this nice run that they have starting with keeping out Crouch the Giraffe Monster tomorrow.. Lastly Bainesy who yes Walsh summarized nicely above. I’m terrified he’s going to miss and then be in and out for a month which would be classic Bainesy. So terrified that I even toyed with some de Roon transfers and playing my AOA but fuck that. Just have to pray Leighton is fine and can keep being a festival for us both.

MID: Well no transfers so you already know who. Alexis nothing to be said he’s the immutable staple in basically all of our teams and he gives no reason to think otherwise. Stan was a new friend last week and came straight through with a pen goal but he won’t always be on pens with Callum starting every other match basically. Gimme some open play tits Stanny… Stan too like Phil Jones above and Giroud below I will be sweating the fuck out of the team sheet. Usually can rely on Stanislas starting when fit but Howe is the true tinkerman of the league and who the fuck knows what he’s going to do. I got the boy for last week and these two home matches (WAT, CPL) and then I’ll probably figure a way out from Stan because the fixtures turn real bad. And then I have my two assholes who all they do is blank. It’ll be great to start my Saturday at 7:30am watching both Firmino and Siggy blank for fun. Or maybe I’ll get a treat… It would be surprising to see Liverpool score any less then 3 goals and Siggy can always produce a bit of FK magic or just get pen so he’s a tossup to return any week. Regardless 7:30am as both a LFC supporter and owner of both Bobby and Siggy this match kinda totes my mood for the rest of the weekend.

FWD: Heavy hitting fucks. The aforementioned Giroud has been declared fit so that I would imagine means he’s for sure starting. But no matter what Wenger said in the press conference I’m still terrified that he won’t start. Need him to do. Come on Donkey. Ibra loves an away match more then anyone and he has massive returns in five straight. Ibra the man the myth the legend makes it easy to not consider someone like Aguero who is still over a million more expensive. He’ll just keep ticking over. I wonder when United will get their next pen… Lastly Lukaku. Everton have been on the up and up lately playing much better with a change in system and of their next eight fixtures only a trip to White Hart Lane should cause them any trouble. The others being cpl, stk, BOU, mid, SUN, WBA, HUL. Doesn’t get better then that! Three goals in his last four I think Big Rom is primed for a big tit fest of returns over the next month or two which is why I got him. Let’s fucking go.

CAP: Well yeah maybe you could tell by how excited I am to have Big Rom but he’s my cap this week so yes let us go. I hope Walsh isn’t mad at me for capping a player vs Palace but Palace has just one clean all season and 40 goals conceded they are a nightmare at the back to say the least. I think Rom in his form and with Everton as a whole in great form they should batter this Palace side to the tone of something like 3-0. Romelu has played 90′ for 16 straight matches so just need him to keep being him and he should come good in the points. LEZ GOOOOOOO!!!