You’ve read it correctly. The post title isn’t a mistake.

This is all about how to STOP your baby from moving around and causing havoc once they start to learn to crawl. In little over a week, Baby L has gone from being immobile to crawling (in her unique way) to standing up by supporting herself on objects. It is a frigging nightmare!

Life before a crawling baby was great. I actually didn’t realise how great it was until I look back with a wistful tear in my eye. We used to be able to plonk her on the floor, safe in the knowledge that she would stay exactly where we put her.

Fast forward a week (yes, just a week!) and she now needs to be watched like a hawk. As soon as she’s put on the floor, she’s on the move with her weird zombie-like bum shuffle – see below:

Introducing Baby L’s arse shuffling crawling technique. A video posted by The DADventurer (Dave) (@the_dadventurer) on May 5, 2015 at 8:45am PDT

Don’t let this unorthodox technique fool you though. She can move pretty bloody quickly, particularly when the dog is concerned. I’m not sure why, but she is obsessed, and I mean proper bunny boiler obsessed, with Dax and anything Dax-related. Whenever she’s free-range, she heads straight for him in his dog bed. I’ve lost count of the amount of times she’s grabbed him, stolen his rawhide chew or put one of his toys in her mouth.

This is bad enough, but it is only going to get worse as she becomes even more mobile. With this in mind, I’ve come up with a few temporary solutions to stop her crawling. Yes, I could be cruel and tie her up or break her legs, but I’m not a barbarian. Instead, my methods are more subtle but equally as effective.

1) Trap her in a box

Everyone knows that kids love boxes. Give a kid a box and they’ll turn it into a house, a car or a spaceship. So in a way, this is almost a treat for Baby L and not cruel in the slightest. The great thing about a box is that they come with the flaps that you fold over in order to shut it. So if your sprog is being particularly annoying, then you can always close it up – just remember to add air holes, preferably before you put the baby in there.

2) Block her route with stuff

Since having a baby, we’ve accumulated a lot of stuff. Our living room is now full of baby-related items that were once not there. You may as well find another use for all of these things as a sprog can only play with one toy at once. Use anything you can – spare toys, furniture, storage boxes etc – to trap the crawling git in an area they can’t escape from. If you’re particularly clever, use the corner of the room as the walls naturally create a barrier, meaning you also need less stuff.

3) Turn a paddling pool into a baby prison

When is a paddling pool not a paddling pool? When it is a baby prison. For the past week, our living room has been home to a massive paddling pool. The missus got it on offer for less than a fiver for the summer months, however it looks like an even better bargain now that we can use it all year round. The high sides mean that the little one is unable to get out, whilst there’s still enough space for her to move around. By throwing in loads of random toys, balls and balloons, it automatically becomes a ‘baby sensory experience zone’, thus allowing you to easily fob off Social Security if they think it is cruel.

I know what you’re thinking. And yes, I am a genius. Crawling babies have been a plague upon unsuspecting parents for years, so we now have not one, not two, but three practical and humane ways of keeping a baby immobile. You don’t need to thank me, I’m more than happy to share my parenting tips.

If, for whatever reason, you don’t agree with anything above, just remember that I didn’t include a fourth point – namely, stick her in Dax’s old dog crate. He used to always be pretty comfortable in there, so I don’t see why she wouldn’t!

Did your life also change for the worse when your baby learnt to crawl? How did you manage to stay sane with the little bugger(s) causing chaos all over the house? Did you resort to any ‘baby caging’ techniques? Let me know below!

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