Share your favorite dad quote here and 4 lucky winners will win a MiniMax from Big Green Egg®!



We accepted entries from June 1st through Father’s Day (June 19th).

Egg My Dad!

We got thousands of great quotes, and most of them were awesome, so thanks for sharing them. Here are a few of our favorites.

If you can’t run with the big dogs, then get out of the kitchen.

The older I got, the smarter my father got.

He who spits in the wind, spits in his own face

Guns don’t kill people. Dads with pretty daughters kill people.

Son, you don’t have to understand women, you just have to understand one woman at a time.

Everything is going according to plan, just not my plan.

Hi, hungry, I’m Dad.

When he is asked his date of birth he says April 1. The person asking always then asks “what year?” to which he replies “every year” and he always cracks himself up.

Never cook bacon naked!

Wish in one hand and poop in the other. See which one gets filled first.

The grass may be greener on the other side, but we don’t have to mow that yard!

The rumble strips on the side of the road are for the blind drivers.

When I say I hurt something he says

“Does your face hurt?” I say “No”

He says “Well it’s killing me!”

Why he is nuttier than squirrel s#!% (poop)

At my sister’s wedding during the toast, “Marriage is an institution – and I don’t know why anyone would want to put themselves into an institution.”

Don’t let your showboat mouth overload your row boat body.

Before Thanksgiving I asked my dad how the turkey smelled. His response? “I guess through its beak.”

“Great communities are built on individuals who do their part to contribute…so go grab all of the tree branches I cut down and bring them to the curb.”

You can’t run through a camp site. You can only ran, because it is past tents.

When I was about 6 I was playing by catch with my dad, I asked him what position he thought I should play. “Left Out”

When we were little and we wanted something, he’d say, “It’s nice to want.”

When referring to his hair: “It’s not grey, it’s platinum blonde!”

Engineers, do it the long way, hard way, and probably the wrong way.

Having children is like living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine

Kid: Dad, I need a napkin/fork/drink, etc.

Dad: Anita Napkin?! Is she coming over tonight? We haven’t seen her in years!

“I am a firm believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more luck I have”

Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably s***!

When he sat between two women he always used to say “A Possum between two Blossoms” or a “Thorn between two Roses”

We may not have any fish at the end of the day, but we have plenty of beer!

“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.”

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have grater problems

(referring to food all over your face) “your face looks like the north end of a southern bound cow.”

A farting horse will never tire, so a farting man, is the man to hire.

Dad, what if you know your right and she is wrong? “Do you love her son?” Well yeah, of course! “Then she is always right!” Okay, but I mean if I know for a fact I’m right and she is wrong, like I can prove it. “Son!…Listen, do you love her? You said, yes. Then trust me, she will always be right.”

…”you got two brains boy…one is lost & the other ones out lookin for it”

Like the high jumper, you will get over it.

“I don’t get drunk, I just get over hydrated.”

If you don’t want a bear to eat you, don’t spread peanut butter on your butt

Give’em hell Wienerhead!!!

Me: Can you please make me something to eat?

Dad: Shazam! You are a hamburger.

Fell for it every time.

“If you’re gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough!”

Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a gocart, stuck a muffler up his butt and he called it little- no-fart.

On a family trip and my brother saw a large grave yard and my brother wondered how many people out there were dead. My dad stated, “I hope all of them.” we laughed so hard I never forgot that day as a child.

“You know you’re a dad when you carry pictures where your money used to be!”

“Almost only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades.”

Money is easy come and easy go. Well, I’ve got half of that figured out.

“Dad: “When my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?”

Doctor: “Yes, that should be no problem.”

Dad: “Great, I’ve always wanted to play the violin!””

(After my bff said she loves the smell of gas.) My dad: “Is that so? Allow me to provide!” She meant petrol, he did not.

“No one can learn from anyone else’s head, except the barber”

Dad to waitress at Mexican restaurant– “Did you run out of Dos Equis? Because I did.”

“Daughter – “What’s a lobotomy?”

Me – *starts to age-appropriate explain*

Dad interrupts from other room – “It’s what happens a man gets married.””

“I told your grandma we’ll be married 56 years and 55 of them i’ve been waitin on her. I get so mad I could bite myself but when she comes i’m so glad I forgot what I was mad about”- grandpa dale

I may not always be right, but I’m NEVER wrong.

“We finish everything we start, including arguments.”

Cologne that doesn’t smell makes no scents.

When I ask you to do something, I’m not asking… I’m just telling you to do it nicely.

Eat your dinner or you’ll be having it for breakfast!

I will always be the most important man in your life.

Don’t let your shotgun mouth over ride your bbgun butt.

I need a tetanus shot to ride in that car!

Whenever I could not properly do something- ANYTHING- whether it be hitting a baseball or fixing my bike tire- he would tell me it was because “I was not holding my mouth right”. It always pissed me off that he was being so ridiculous, but now that he is gone, I’d give anything to hear it again.

A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms even when his hands are empty.

“If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up!” Said to every boyfriend of mine 🙂

“Key your eyes on your fries!” He’d say that after he would steal one of my fries lol.

My parents got married on July 4th….dad would always say “It was Independence Day for everyone but him”.

“If I had a head like yours, it would hurt too”

If you sleep with the dogs you’re going to wake up with fleas.

After seeing my report card, “Son, if you’re cheating off someone…start cheating off someone else.”

I was born at night….but it wasn’t last night

I wish all of life’s problems hit me when I was sixteen and I knew everything!

Shall I call the WAMBULANCE?

My name’s not “dad: its “steve” (why) Because no asks Steve for money, they ask Dad!

In the living room you’re American, but in the bathroom European.

If you’re ever cold, just stand in a corner. They’re generally about 90 degrees.

(Dad, inside a car) Ooh, look – a flock of cows!

(Children in the back seat) …Herd of cows.

(Dad) Of course I’ve heard of cows – there’s a flock of them over there!

When he’d make an argument: “On the other hand… 4 fingers and a thumb”

You know those indoor playgrounds in some malls? My dad got me to believe they weren’t playgrounds at all. That was the “new boys store” and if I acted up he would take me in and exchange me for a better behaving model. Thanks dad.

What does a nosy pepper do best? Get Jalapeño business!

Don’t play leapfrog with a unicorn.

“Dad – “I know everything but one thing”

Me – “What’s that?”

Dad – “If I knew that dummy, I’d know it all!””

Follow your dreams, Son. But do it on your own dime.

Families are like a box of chocolates some are just chocked full of nuts!

“Dad: You know what burns my butt?

Me: (Scared to death, wondering what I did.)

Dad: Flames up to here! (Hand held at his side.)

Me: Laughing (feeling like I got away with something!)”

My dad said to my Mom, “I can prove I am smarter than you. Look at who you married. Look who I married.”

My Bag! (Instead of my bad) we let him say it for the longest before finally telling him it wasn’t correct. We would even say My Bag around him if we made a mistake.

“Don’t start vast projects with half-vast ideas.”

A bug hits the car windshield, dad leans over and say man it really took guts to do that, #dadjokes

The sun don’t shine on the same dog’s butt everyday!

Whenever I would complain and say ‘but, dad’ he says ‘don’t call me a butt-dad’.

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