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The melody makers

You love your music. That’s lovely. The rest of us love our own music, or perhaps even some contemplative silence. Use your volume control responsibly or forfeit your mp3 player. It’s an appropriate refund for an easily avoidable transit crime.

The 8 a.m. strippers

OK, this doesn’t happen every day, but one National Post colleague, and everyone else who was on the bus that day back in March, surely deserves compensation for witnessing the inebriated gentleman who stripped down to his boxers at 8 a.m. Late-night transit stripping? Still inappropriate, though perhaps commuters would take a different view and pay for the privilege. But 8 a.m.? That’s just wrong.

The won’t-move-backers

It’s 2011. If by now transit culture hasn’t advanced far enough that all commuters know to move to the back of the frickin’ bus, penalties must follow.

Short turns

This is just a late train/late bus by another name. Enough said.

That mini-van/stroller

You’ve just bought the 2011 Humungo-stroller that carries two toddlers, a week’s worth of groceries, three lattes, the dog, the dog’s favourite sleeping cushion, the nanny and a Wii? Charter your own bus.

Too much information

Loud-talking valley girls who, like, kvetch about their, like, boyfriends. It’s, like, totally annoying.

Be prepared

Here’s a tip: when heading for the subway, find your token before arriving at the turnstile. There will be people behind you, and they will not be sympathetic, though they would surely be soothed by a refund.

Miscellaneous

The screeching. The broken air conditioning. The body odour. The rappers. You name it, we should be compensated for it.

There.

We feel better now.

[np-related]