“Never rub another man’s rhubarb.” – The Joker

Is there any better line of dialogue than that? I don’t think so. Some might say that “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn” or “Here’s looking at you kid”, or “I’m going to make him an offer he can’t refuse”, or even “Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore” are somehow more evocative or powerful, but I would say to those people “You are a fucking idiot”. On June 23rd, 1989 Tim Burton’s vision of “Batman” was unleashed on the world, and with it comes the famous rhubarb line. When it was released, Batfan’s around the world rejoiced, and knew that they could point to the film and say to the naysayers “See shitheads? That’s what Batman is supposed to be!” Never rub another man’s rhubarb.

Batman began as a response to Superman. Way back in 1939, Superman had already captured the world’s attention with his larger than life powers and bright personality. The editors of National Publications, which would later become DC, wanted another Superman, but different, and asked a young Bob Kane and Bill Finger to develop a new character. Kane has been credited with the creation of Batman, well, he was the creator of “Bat-Man”, who looked like this:

Finger, who had been working with Kane for a short while, suggested upon first seeing this “Bat-Man” that Kane should switch out the mask for a cowl, a cape instead of wings, eliminate the red, add some gloves, and make the character darker in tone to separate his version from the image of Superman. While Kane drew the first Batman adventures, Finger wrote the first stories and introduced some of the most iconic elements of the Batman mythos, such as Bruce Wayne’s back story (murdered parents), the batcave, the batmobile, the Joker, the Penguin, and the Riddler. For decades, Finger was hidden behind the “Batman created by Bob Kane” note in every issue that Batman has appeared in. In his waning years, Kane threw a little credit to Finger, but never gave him the full credit Finger deserved. Over the last few years, Bill Finger has become more widely recognized as a co-creator at least, and majority-creator at most, at least in the comic book community. DC has even added Mr. Finger to the “Created by” notes on the recent issues of the Bat-Universe. Most people don’t give any amount of shit who created what in comics, but there is my contribution to bringing a little light to the Finger legacy.

Batman was a hardcore badass in his first few years, taking swigs of booze before attacking villains and shooting ne’er–do–well’s with guns. Starting the in fifties and into the sixties, Batman became more of a fun time character where he and Robin would fight inter-dimensional wizards and have foot races with Superman, all with a smile. Science fiction stories became the standard, and Batman regularly spent these adventures in broad daylight, never getting near the darkness that should represent the Dark Knight. While these stories have a certain charm to them, they are very far from the Batman we know today. I have personally spent a large deal of money on these Silver Age Batman issues because of the silly nature of the stories, because they are hilariously amazing. Check out some of these wacky adventures!

Kind of incredible, right? Anyway, so while this was going on, ABC executive Yale Udoff visited the Playboy mansion where Hugh Hefner was showing episodes from the 1940’s “Batman” serial, which was garnering laughs from the audience. Udoff, who was a Batman fan as a kid, saw the potential of making Batman something fun for the kids and funny for the adults. Udoff gave producer William Dozier copies of Batman comics for a transcontinental flight with the hopes that Dozier would find the same sense of humor that he himself had found. Dozier indeed loved the idea of Batman as a series and started work on the 1966 Batman television series, staring Adam West, Burt Ward, Alan Napier, Cesar Romero, Burgess Meredith, Julie Newmar, Frank Gorshin among other incredible guest stars. For two seasons, Batmania swept the nation. Merchandise numbering in the hundreds of thousands flooded children’s bedrooms. Batman comics were hot again. It was a glorious time of campy technicolor. Batman was on the mind and tongue of everyone with a television. Beginning in the third season, the novelty of Batman and his rogues began to wane, and even with the addition of Batgirl to sexy up the show, the poor beast had been slain by the lack of good ratings. NBC had shown interest in picking up the production, but the Batcave set had already been struck, and the cost of rebuilding it was cost prohibitive. So it goes.

This cancellation killed the franchise for years, or at least Batman’s presence in the public eye. DC realized that no one was interested in the camp factor of Batman anymore, and wanted a change in the direction of the comics. Denny O’Neil and Neal Adams came in to save the day by bringing Batman closer to his gritty roots. The Joker went from a prankster causing benign problems in Gotham back to the psychotic murderer of the cities innocents. Batman stepped out of the sunlight, wiped the goofy smile off his face and once again became the brooding Dark Knight who used his wits as well as brawn to tackle serious problems in his beloved city. They also introduced an enduring an influential character names Ra’s Al Ghul and his daughter Talia. These characters became so important that they became the primary antagonists for Christopher Nolan’s film series, which are just as dark, earnest and gritty as the comics that came out in the O’Neil/Adams period.

The kids that grew up watching the silly Batman on television grew to know a gritty Batman, which caused a lot of negative memories of the television show in later years. While the 70’s were a solid time for Batman, thanks to the work of O’Neal, Adams and others, the 80’s are where Batman moved from a badass to an absolute legend in the medium thanks to the writers Frank Miller and Alan Moore. Miller got his start with Marvel, most fondly remembered for his work on Daredevil. When he made the move to DC, he realized the fact that he was becoming older than Batman, and that “was something that needed to be stopped”.

He wrote the absolutely groundbreaking mini-series “The Dark Knight Returns”, which was released in 1986. Set in a future where 55 year old Bruce Wayne has been retired for years and has become an alcoholic, “The Dark Knight Returns” redefined and refined the very soul of the character. He realizes that he has more to give to his city, so Bruce dons the cape and cowl once more and brings a manic vengeance upon the city. His absence has been so long that young people believe him to have been a myth. He’s a changed man: thicker, angrier, and more intense than ever before. If you read no other Batman story, read “The Dark Knight Returns”. To say any more about it would ruin the magic.

Where “The Dark Knight Returns” redefined the Bat, Alan Moore’s 1988 “The Killing Joke” redefined the Joker. Moore had found great success in revamping and greatly improving DC’s minor character “Swamp Thing”, and for writing maybe the most popular comic book of all time “Watchmen”. When he took a swing at the Dark Knight and the Clown Prince of Crime, he knocked it out of the fucking park. It was a one-shot released in the Prestige format, a larger single collection, and it focused on the Joker’s back story as well as his abduction of Commissioner James Gordon. What he does to Barbara Gordon, which I will not state here, sent ripples throughout the DC universe for more than 20 years. This dude changed everything. This book is just really, really great, ok?

Prior to Miller’s Dark Knight or Moore’s Killing Joke, Michael Uslan had purchased the rights from DC to make a film based on the character, all the way back in 1979. Uslan said it his wish “to make the definitive, dark, serious version of Batman, the way Bob Kane and Bill Finger had envisioned him in 1939.” Several writers had cracks at the screenplay, but the movie swirled the bowl of the cinematic shitter for years. The studio heads wanted a campy tone, but Uslan saw this as a suicidal move. Once Miller and Moore’s books came out, Uslan had the material he needed to prove to the studios that the movie should be as dark as the Batman was intended to be. The studio picked Tim Burton to direct, based on his direction of “Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure”, which is weird. Luckily, he also directed “Beetlejuice” before “Batman”, which was decidedly macabre, something needed for both the characterizations of Batman and the Joker.

Michael Keaton was cast as Batman, which caused nerds around the world to lament and curse. Keaton was known as a comedic actor, perhaps best known for his role in “Mr. Mom”, or perhaps not. That was just the most opposite character from Batman that nerds used as the crux for their contention. Jack Nicholson was cast as the Joker, and I don’t think anyone complained about this choice. Burton admitted that he was never a fan of comics, which some cite as any number of the missteps in the film, but ultimately the film succeeded in showing the world the true Batman. Keaton was an empathetic and complex character. Nicholson chewed every scene he was in, and it was delightful. Kim Basinger, who played the beautiful Vicki Vale caused 6 year old Dan Gillmore to have strange stirrings in his penis area.

In one particularly wonderful scene, the Joker breaks into Vicki Vale’s apartment while she and Bruce Wayne are having a heart to heart talk. For those that haven’t seen the film, all three of you, what scenario do you think plays out?

1) Bruce pleads for his life, as well as Vicki’s while he weeps gently.

2) Bruce gingerly offers Vale to the Joker as he had a taste and he wasn’t impressed.

3) Bruce screams at the Joker: “YOU WANNA GET NUTS?! LET’S GET NUTS!”

Spoiler alert! They get nuts! Great fucking scene.

Some of you may remember the Nintendo adaptation of the film that was released in 1990, where you control a purple Batman who can bounce up walls. It was a great, if not insanely difficult game. That was my chance as a kid to be the Batman, but I got my ass handed to me time and time and time again. To this day I still have yet to beat this one. I’ve tried, about once a year, since I was a kid but I cannot get any farther than I could when I was ten. It’s a beautiful beast of a game, but a horrible bitch goddess as well.

I was completely unaware of the Batman arcade game until we started this project of digging through the Internet Arcade. When I saw it was posted, I had my apprehension but I also pooped just a little bit from excitement. I’ve played just about every Batman game that’s been released to date, and for the most part they are miss rather than hit. Just look at the “Batman Begins” game for the Game Boy Advance, or the “Batman & Robin” game for whatever system that came out for. Batman really didn’t hit his video game stride until the “Arkham Asylum” series came out in 2009, but I missed out on a gem in the form of this arcade game. If you want to think about Batman’s screen existence as being correlated to video games, I would say that the “Arkham” games are dark and earnest like the Nolan movies. If there were a game that coincided with the ’66 TV series, it would be an Atari game directed at small children. Lastly, and not including the NES game, its sequal or the other Batman games out there, the arcade game would be easily accessible and deeply satisfying by all who played it, just like the movie itself.

The controls are a little jerky, but you’re not punished as the game is forgiving when it comes to hit detection from enemies, but your hits as the goddamn Batman tend to register correctly. The real noticeable difference between the NES game and the arcade game is that the arcade game follows the films scenes and locations almost exactly, whereas the NES game takes you through sewers and weird factories that are neither the ACME Chemical plant, nor the AXIS Chemical plant as seen in the film. In the arcade, you get to fight through the streets, much like the opening of the film. Later, you punch evil criminal assholes in their necks inside of the vandalized museum. Later still you climb your way to the top of the church bell tower and kick the shit outta the Joker.

The game also changes format throughout, which is exciting. In one stage you control the Batwing from inside the cockpit, collecting the gas spewing balloons that the Joker paraded about during the… parade. It was the part with the kick ass Prince song. Another level has you behind the wheel of the Batmobile, and you fucking blow up people inside of cars!

This was a fun game, through and through. I usually write these reviews with the goal to be weird, or snarky, but I just can’t do it with my favorite comic character. I could go on and talk about the 1992 Animated Series, as run by the geniuses Bruce Timm, Paul Dini, Eric Radomski, Andrea Romano, Kevin Conroy, Mark Hamill, Arleen Sorkin, Michael Ansara, Efram Zimbalist Jr., and Bob Hastings among others. I could also go on to talk about the impact that Christopher Nolan had on the Batman Mythos and cinema in general with his “Dark Knight” series, which featured one of the best performances of anyone ever: Heath Ledger. His Joker was the SHIT!!!! I could do these things, but the point of this blog is to review old arcade games, which i sort of did for a very small part of this blog entry, so i’ll leave it at that. If you weren’t aware, we are in the 75th birthday year of the Dark Knight, so if you love the man as much as I do, celebrate him each and every day.

Oh, I give the game 10 Batarangs out of 10.

I love Batman. Thanks for reading this very long post about him.

-Dan

Play “Batman” here