Jeff Suppan receives his 2006 World Series ring during the 2007 season, his first with the Brewers.

Following up on last week’s ten greatest Brewers free agent signings, I now bring you my list of the ten worst free agent signings. This list was trickier in a number of ways. For one, I took the size of the contract into greater consideration. To get even mediocre production out of a high-priced player, you are still seeing some tangible return on an investment. But to see no production from a big contract, well, that’s something you could have gotten from any dope off of the street. I also looked at the contracts with more context… that is, whether or not the contract seemed like a good idea at the time it was signed.

But anyway, without further adieu, here are the ten biggest contract busts in Brewers history:

10. Tom Brunansky, signed before the 1993 season, $2.2m/2 years.

The Brewers had actually been trying to pick up Bruno for a few years at this point, and its not real hard to see why. An All-Star in 1985, he ran up a string of 8 straight 20+ home run seasons in the 1980s. But, when the Brewers signed him, he was coming off of two unremarkable seasons in Boston as a sorta-power threat with no defensive value. The real crime here, however, is that the team found a couple million to give Brunansky while trying to get Paul Molitor to take a pay cut. Molitor, of course, signed with Toronto and went on to have some of the best seasons of his career. Brunansky hit .187 in 96 games over the next year and a half before being traded back to Boston .

Jim Abbott ended his career in ugly fashion with the Brewers. And it wasn’t just that crossed-bats logo.

My beef here is not about the money, but rather that a Major League Baseball team decided in 1999 that Jim Abbott was good enough have him start 15 games. Abbott had already put together a pretty remarkable career by then, managing to become one of the better pitchers in baseball while having only one hand. However, his skills eroded in his late 20s, and after a dreadful 1996 – a 7.48 ERA in 23 starts – was out of baseball in 1997. But he came back in 1998, winning five starts with the White Sox despite a 4.55 ERA. So, the Brewers picked him and up and gave him a shot. And then another, and another, and another… In Abbott’s first 14 starts that year, the Brewers won only twice. He eventually moved to the bullpen and was released in July. He never pitched professionally again.

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Larry Hisle’s 1983 Topps card, capturing a rare moment where Hisle was healthy enough to take a few cuts.

8. Larry Hisle, 1978, $3.12m, 6 years.

Yes, I also called Larry Hisle the 4th greatest free agent signing in team history. HOW CAN HE BE BOTH? Well, I’m using different standards here. Hisle’s great 1978 notwithstanding, he provided only one season during a SIX year contract in which he got more than 100 at bats. He remained one of the team’s highest paid players for a half-decade while providing almost no value. The investment in Hisle was a huge one for the small market Brewers and likely limited their ability (or will) to add other players via free agency that might have put them over the top in 1981 and 1982.

Riske had been a fairly dependable bullpen arm when the Brewers brought him on, with a career ERA of 3.44, but he tanked in Milwaukee . He was a non-factor on the 2008 Wild Card team, pitched only one inning in 2009, and struggled through 23 innings in 2010 before he was done for good. Like Abbott and Hisle, he was out of baseball after his contract with the Brewers expired.

Check back next week, when I will unveil plans for my Kickstarter project to fund a Sean Berry biopic starring Louis CK.

In fairness, Berry had been a pretty reliable bat before the Brewers signed him for the 1999 season. Nor was his contract was certainly nothing crippling to the team’s finances. But, based on bWAR, Sean Berry was far and away the most harmful player the team ever signed. His bWAR of -2.7 is twice as bad as any other Brewers free agent – and he accomplished this in just 138 games. His slugging percentage with the Brewers was .295… which means that he was less of power threat than pitcher Scott Karl was during the same period. He did, however, actually sign on with another team after the Brewers released him. He played one game with Boston , going 0-4, before washing out of baseball.

Franklin Stubbs in 1991, after signing the fattest free agent deal in team history. Later that season, he changed his uniform number to “0” with no hint of irony whatsoever.

“Cadillac” was coming off a solid year in 1990, hitting 23 homers with an OPS+ of 124 and stealing 19 bases for the Houston Astros. The Brewers – needing a first basemen – gave him the biggest free agent contract in team history, one that would remain the biggest given to a position player until 2000, when they gave Jose Hernandez $10m. But in Milwaukee , the Cadillac stalled. Stubbs struggled in most every aspect of the game, batting poorly, not getting on base, making too many outs when on the bases, and providing no value in the field. In the middle of the 1992 season, with the Brewers in contention and Stubbs hitting .213, Stubbs was benched for rookie sensation John Jaha. Stubbs called it a “slap in the face” and demanded a trade.

4. Matt Garza, 2014, $50m/4 years (possibly $67m/5 years if options vest)

Obviously, this contract is still active, but it does not seem that Matt Garza will be able to escape this list without a MAJOR turn-around in his career. Garza got the biggest free agent contract in team history and has not offered much of an overall return during its first two years. Solid in 2014, but dreadful in 2015, it seems that he will hang around as a spot-starter for the duration… or at least until the team feels comfortable in dumping him and eating a big part of his contract.

Eric Gagne’s Brewers career started with him allowing a single, walking a man, then giving up a game-tying 3-run homer… all before he recorded his first out.

After three years as an all-world closer for the Dodgers, Gagne dealt with inconsistency and injuries before the Brewers – for some damn reason – decided to pay him $10 million to bring his foggy goggles to Milwaukee. Some fun facts about his one year with the Brewers: Just days after signing with the Brewers, his name appeared in the Mitchell Report, which detailed his use of human growth hormone. He gave up a three-run homer to Kosuke Fukodome in this Brewers debut that tied the game and cruelly allowed Cubs fans to believe that Fukodome was destined to be the next great Cub. His ERA never got below 4.70 (that happened in April and ballooned to 8.22 the next day). He lost his closer’s job five weeks into the season. After the season, the Brewers actually brought him back on a minor league contract. He was released in Spring Training and – guess what? – never pitched in the Majors again.

“Oh wow! A box of those things that all my pitches end up hitting!”

For two months, this was a great contract. People forget, but Suppan started out on fire in Milwaukee . In 2007, he went 5-2 with a 2.62 ERA over the first month of the season. Over the rest of the season, he had an ERA of 5.22 and allowed opponents to slug .455 against him, but that month was really something! And then there was August 2008, with the Brewers fighting to make the playoffs he went 5-1 with a 3.00 ERA, keeping them right in the thick of things as Ben Sheets was lost to injury. So why write about two months over four years at $10m per? Well, I’m justifying putting Suppan second on this list and not first. Aside from these two months (he also pitched pretty well against the Cardinals on May 16, 2009), he was unmitigated hot trash. But the Brewers got SOMETHING for all that cash. Unlike…

Jeffrey Hammonds, the only person to ever get excited over a Jeff Hammonds baseball card.

The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel ran an photo of Jeffrey Hammonds on the cover of the sports page the day after he signed what was, at the time, a contract twice as big as the team had ever given a free agent. Inset on the image was a box with three numbers: .335, Hammonds ’ batting average the previous year with the Rockies ; .399, his average at Coors Field; and 7, the number of time he had been on the disabled list in his career. In short, they were saying Hammonds’ gaudy 2000 stats were a mirage and that it was very likely he would miss time with injuries. I bet they’re still waiting for their Pulitzer on that one.

While all of the signings on this list went wrong in a lot of ways, Hammonds was the most easily-predicted disaster in team history. During his altitude-inflated season in 2000, when batted .335 with 20 homers and 106 RBI, he batted only .275 with 6 homers and 35 RBI (!!) away from Coors Field. Manager Davey Lopes called these splits, “a function of a player reaching his peak,” which not only calls into questions Lopes baseball IQ, but also his understanding of the words “function” and “peak.” Hammonds lost half of 2001 to injury and didn’t play very well when healthy. He had a couple of good months in 2002 – he was batting .324 as late as June 4 – but slumped, got hurt, and was released exactly one year later.