For reasons that are difficult to ascertain, Adidas is releasing a $175 sneaker caked with “handcrafted” mud splatter. The new 7X750 trainers are from British conceptual artist Ryan Gander and feature a white top with a haphazard mud pattern at the bottom, giving the impression that the wearer has been lost in the forest or was magically transported straight from Woodstock ’94.

In theory, these shoes would be great for people who like to run through the mud, because it would make their shoes always look clean. (This is why I wear patterned shirts when going out for ribs. Camouflages the mess.)

But, of course, no one is going to run in these things. They’re high fashion, or something that aspires to be. People who spend $175 on arty sneakers don’t go near mud. The closet they come is when one of their hipster friends has a wedding on a mountainside and everyone has to forage for their own meal. When’s the last time you think Kanye has even seen mud? He probably sees these sneakers and thinks the markings are from someone getting pushed into a koi pond filled with caviar. And don’t sneakerheads keep their sneakers pristine anyway? This is like adding red paint to a Van Gogh and thinking art purists will love it.

As long as you accept the notion that all press is good press, this is still a coup for Adidas. They have enough goodwill that they can release a ridiculous looking sneaker, call it art, get some publicity, then move on to the real business, like coming up with cool preseason catchphrases for RG3.