Yesterday, we brought you news of Cardinals pitcher Carlos Martinez's big ol' wall of Twitter porn. Somehow, Carlos Martinez's big ol' wall of Twitter porn was perceived by his skipper, Mike Matheny, to be the kind of issue and "distraction" that required a face-to-face meeting between the two. Today is officially one of the most awkward days of Carlos Martinez's life.


The St. Louis Post Dispatch brings us news of how Matheny reacted to finding out what one of his players likes to masturbate to:

Matheny told two reporters this morning that he spoke privately to Martinez and that he addressed the team again about their actions on social media this morning. [...] The Cardinals and Matheny learned of the content of his "favorites" on Monday and attempted to contact him to remove them. Martinez had already left the ballpark by that time. They were unable to reach the pitcher until that evening, after Deadspin.com pushed Martinez's "favorites" page to a larger audience. Matheny called it "a distraction" the righty did not need.

Oh man, poor Carlos Martinez. Every American male over the age 15 has had the "So, uh, I know about all the porn" talk with one of his parents, and that talk is the worst goddamn thing. Carlos Martinez had to sit in an office and listen to his boss say something along the lines of, "Son, we need to talk about your Twitter vaginas" this morning, and that is just terrible.


The MLB.com Cardinals blog has more from Matheny, who summons the worst pejorative in sports when talking about how his team needs to navigate social media: the dreaded "distraction."

We don't want distractions. We're going to do everything we can to help you guys, but you have to help yourself. You guys have to be on point all the time. If you let your guard down for a second, it's going to be a distraction to you as you're out here trying to compete, and it's going to be a distraction for us as we try to do what we're trying to do.

That is just the most Old Baseball Dude response imaginable. You are silly, Old Baseball Dude.

[Post Dispatch | MLB]