SCIENTISTS and academics are typically seen as measured, sober types, diligently pursuing their interests in thoughtful, deliberate ways. This is one reason why climate change became such a big issue — because the subject was pushed by science-minded scholars.

It now emerges that these people are every bit as hysterical as your common global warming basket case at a coal seam gas protest.

Canberra student and “science communicator” Joe Duggan recently published a range of pieces from various science/academic identities describing their “feelings”.

They are hilarious.

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“I feel a maelstrom of emotions,” wailed University of Queensland climate change ecologist Anthony J. Richardson. “I am exasperated … I am frustrated … I am anxious … I am perplexed … I am dumbfounded … I am distressed … I am upset … I am annoyed … I am angry … I am infuriated … but most of all I am apprehensive.”

Poor bloke. Monash University’s Dr Ailie Gallant also seems on the verge of a breakdown.

“I feel nervous. I get worried and anxious,” she wrote. “I often feel like shouting.” Go to an AFL game, Allie. You’ll fit right in.

“If climate change were not real, we would not have to be concerned about it,” moaned Melbourne University’s Kevin Walsh.

“We wouldn’t have to worry about the future of our water resources, already strained by overpopulation.”

Put those worries, away, friend. Sydney’s dam levels are currently running at nearly 83 per cent.

“She’s slipping away from us,” fretted The University of NSW’s Dr Sarah Perkins. “She’s been showing signs of acute illness for quite a while, but no one has really done anything. Her increased erratic behaviour is something I’ve especially noticed. Certain behaviours that were only rare occurrences are starting to occur more often, and with heightened anger.” I don’t know who Perkins is talking about, but it could well be one of her fellow climate academics.

“I am one of the few people who understand the magnitude of the consequences,” declared modest University of NSW Associate Professor Katrin Meissner, who shared this awesome vision: “I see a group of people sitting in a boat, happily waving, taking pictures on the way, not knowing that this boat is floating right into a powerful and deadly waterfall.”

Maybe global warming will dry up all the water. It’s our only hope.