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Prominent Northern Beaches elder and Special Envoy to Indigenous Affairs, Uncle Tony X has today come up with a plan to help protect the children in the Catholic Church.

This follows the lifting of a nationwide suppression order has allowed media to report that Pell has been found guilty of sexually abusing two choirboys when he was archbishop of Melbourne, and might actually be linked to the Royal Commission in Institutional Responses To Child Abuse that clearly reported over 20,000 known rock spiders have at one point been left in charge of children in Catholic institutions.

As a devout Catholic who carries the colonial burden of having missionaries floating around the remote Indigenous community he grew up in, Uncle Tony X says it kind of hurts him to say it, but maybe it’s time to limit the freedoms of those who live in Catholic communities to the point where families break down and incarceration numbers surge disproportionately to the rest of the population.

“Send the army in” said Uncle Tony

“It’s the only way. Get the priests to report each day and freeze their money so their entire livelihood is dictated by a basic card system that goes into a meltdown every couple hours”

Initially thought to have been one of the three people in the country to defend the convicted pedophile, Uncle Tony X today says even though he’s not sure if Pell did it – his party had far less evidence when his predecessor Prime Minister John Howard decided to cover the whole Top End in the same flea-blown blanket.

“Don’t worry about this being another half-baked initiative to save kids we don’t really care about.” said the Minister For Indigenous and Catholic Affairs.

“Labor will support this policy too. They’ll have to agree that this is of the utmost importance to keep Catholic Children safe”

“Is Genocide Jenny still running around the backbench. She’d be great for it”