Our long national nightmare is over — I wish.

Those first six words were the statement in 1974 of new President Gerald Ford after the end of Watergate, but that was a different time. These new Democrats are men (and women) of unsleeping malevolence, and I’m sure they’re cooking up the next impeachment hoax right now.

And do you know who’ll be right there, egging them on?

Sen. Willard M. Romney, a/k/a Pierre Delecto, and now, after his weaselly treachery Wednesday, Pierre Defecto.

Willard is an embarrassment to Utah, Massachusetts, Michigan, New Hampshire, California and anywhere else he’s ever lived or owned property at one time or another.

For a guy who claims to be so deeply religious, Romney seems to have totally forgotten one of the Ten Commandments — Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s goods.

One of which is, in Donald Trump’s case, the presidency of the United States.

Willard just can’t stand it that Trump accomplished with relative ease what neither he nor his father could ever achieve — being elected president. If Mitt Romney in 2012 had fought Barack Obama as hard as he’s been backstabbing the guy he was begging to make him secretary of state after the 2016 election, he’d been wrapping up his second term in White House right now.

Hell, if he hadn’t gone into the fetal position against Ted Kennedy in the 1994 Senate fight, he might been in a position to have won the presidency in 2000. But Mitt never met a Democrat he didn’t want to roll over for — right, Sal DiMasi?

Does Mittens even dimly understand that it was his pathetic 2012 campaign against Obama led directly to the rise of Trump, a man who isn’t afraid to throw a punch, or take one?

His dad George Romney said he was “brainwashed” by the generals in Vietnam. Who brainwashed Mitt?

Wednesday he reverted to form — Dudley Do-Right. It was Dudley Do-Right to the rescue, not of the damsel in distress, but of the Capitol Hill lynch mob, so that now they can say forever after that it was a “bipartisan vote” in the Senate to convict an innocent man.

The Democrats will have “strange new respect” for him — for about 12 hours, until the final “results” trickle in from Iowa and Bolshevik Bernie is finally declared the winner.

So of course when Willard makes his momentous decision to double-cross his former patron, Mitt goes to his Fox News BFF, Chris Wallace, after applying about a pound of makeup. He looked like he was auditioning for Madame Tussauds Wax Museum.

But Mitt went to the right fanboy. Chris Wallace has had a crush on Mittens for years, as he once gushed to the late Don Imus. I pulled the tape last night, with Chris sounding like a love struck teenage girl when discussing Mitt:

“He walks into a room, and you’d, you’d just kind of — he just kind of takes the air out. I mean, he’s an extraordinarily good looking man. And he’s a very charismatic guy and you think, Wow! This guy’s really something.”

At which point, Imus interjected: “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, well,” Wallace admitted, “there’s a bit of a bromance going on there.”

Get a room, guys!

So last week Mitt voted for witnesses in the Senate trial because there wasn’t enough evidence to decide. Witnesses were voted down, so he then decided there was in fact enough evidence — to convict.

Then in true Mittens fashion, he decided to split the difference — first he voted for one of the bogus articles of impeachment, but then not the second one.

And some people still wonder why Massachusetts politicians can’t get elected president. Does he really think that betraying a president with a 94% approval rating in his own party is his ticket to the White House?

How’s that GOP insurgency thing working out for your predecessor in the Corner Office, Mittens? I’m talking about William F. Weld, he of the 4 percent polling in New Hampshire.

Mitt Romney is to Republicans what Colin Kaepernick is to the National Football League. The only difference is, Mittens isn’t going to score a sneakers contract.

Wednesday, after the inevitable vote to acquit, the rest homes in the affluent suburbs emptied out, and their town commons teemed with handfuls of elderly lunatics with man buns holding hand-lettered signs saying Dump Trump. Guess what, Mitt — as much as these trust-funded fools despise Trump, they’ll never vote for you.

Trump addresses this latest failed coup on live television at noon today. I hope he mentions Pierre Defecto. One tweet is not enough — somebody needs to knock Dudley Do-Right off his white charger, and his initials are DJT.