Michelle Obama clearly communicated her expectations of Barack early on in their marriage and more than once tried to dissuade him from running for political office, the former first lady's close friend Valerie Jarrett reveals in her new memoir.

And Michelle wasn't above using Jarrett to lobby for her, once persuading the now 62-year-old to host a brunch with all of their friends to talk him out of running for Senate.

The mother-of-two was 'direct in saying, ''This is what I expect. This is what I need''. And if Barack didn't do what she needed, she held him accountable for it', Valerie writes in her upcoming book, Finding My Voice: My Journey to the West Wing and the Path Forward.

Jarrett tells how when Barack was a Chicago state senator and lecturing at the University of Chicago Law School in the 1990s, he was bouncing back and forth between the city and Springfield, Illinois.

Despite the travel and his workload, Michelle demanded that one of his jobs was to do the grocery shopping.

'She didn't care how tired he was from a week of work, when he arrived home from Springfield, he had to go to the grocery store'.

Michelle Obama tried more than once to dissuade Barack from running for political office, their close friend Valerie Jarrett reveals in her new memoir

Michelle never wanted to get in the way of Obama's dreams but there was always tension within her of feeling she was compromising on a thousand different things while trying to keep some structure with the lives of Malia and Sasha (pictured at Obama's Congress swearing in ceremony in 2005)

'She set very clear divisions of labor and expectations that he had to meet in order to signal that he was committed to their partnership, and when he didn't come through, she didn't give him a free ride', Jarrett writes.

Barack went along with Michelle's expectations because he had no family structure growing up with an absent father and his mother off traveling, and he craved it.

Valerie Jarrett details her relationship with the Obamas in her book Finding My Voice: My Journey to the West Wing and the Path Forward

Michelle's own father was a strong role model for Barack on how a father and husband should behave but he died early.

So Michelle took over and set the guidelines for the structure of their family, writes Jarrett.

When Barack started dropping hints that he was interested in running for Illinois' open seat in the U.S. Senate that would take him to Washington if he won, Michelle was opposed because she already felt like she was carrying the lion's share of family responsibilities.

After pressure from Michelle, Valerie agreed to invite their closest friends over for brunch to try to talk him out of it.

Barack gave his best campaign pitch to and everyone at the table was on board, but Michelle still had one more caveat.

'OK. We'll do this. But if you lose, can we say this is over and you'll get a real job?' she asked him.

'Yes,' he committed.

While Michelle gave the thumbs up, if he won the election she wasn't going to join him in Washington. She was set on raising the girls in Chicago.

Michelle never wanted to get in the way of Obama's dreams but there was always tension within her, feeling she was compromising on a thousand different things while trying to keep some structure for Malia and Sasha.

'She was determined to try to protect the family from his career, because it was so demanding not just of him but of them', writes Jarrett.

And Michelle wasn't opposed to using Jarrett to lobby for her, once persuading the 62-year-old to host a brunch with all of their friends to talk him out of running

'She set very clear divisions of labor and expectations that he had to meet in order to signal that he was committed to their partnership, and when he didn't come through, she didn't give him a free ride', Jarrett writes

When Valerie talked to Obama, he said, he too, was making sacrifices.

She writes: 'He didn't want to be away from his wife and kids. He would much rather have been at home'.

Valerie admired the way Michelle communicated her expectations to Barack.

While Jarrett had grown up within a strong family structure, it took her years to find her voice.

Her father, James Bowman, grew up in Washington, D.C., son of a prominent dentist. He graduated from Howard University undergraduate and medical school.

Offered a residency at Chicago's St. Luke Hospital, Bowman was the first and only black resident but he wasn't allowed to live in the all-white resident dorms.

He had to find housing on the black side of town, five miles from the hospital and enter through the back door. He refused and walked through the front door.

Valerie's mother, Barbara, thanks to her own father's prominence in real estate and banking, was able to attend elite white schools in the East.

Valerie Jarrett became friends with the Obamas after hiring Michelle in 1991, writing in her new upcoming memoir: 'I was like a big sister to them as a couple, and then separately as individuals'

Valerie was born in Iran after her doctor father James Bowman (pictured) moved to the Middle East, tired of segregation back in the US. When Valerie's parents realized that Iran's caste system was affecting their little girl who began beating the help, they hurried back with their five-year-old in tow

After serving at an army hospital in Colorado following the escalation of the Korean War, Bowman had no intention of returning to life 'that smacked of segregation'.

So he accepted a position as chair of pathology at a hospital in Shiraz, Iran, and off her parents went to a place that was briefly magical 7,000 miles from the South Side of Chicago.

When Valerie's parents realized that Iran's caste system was affecting their little girl who began beating the help, they hurried back to the U.S. with their freckled-face, red-haired five-year-old.

Often mistaken for white, Valerie's first memory of racism was in camp in Michigan five years later where she was the only black girl.

On the last day of camp, a girl she was friendly with told her: 'I thought you were a n****r when I first met you. I'm really sorry'.

Fifty years later, Valerie still felt ashamed she didn't confront the girl.

'It would be a years-long struggle for me to find my voice', she confesses.

Valerie Jarrett's book Finding My Voice: My Journey to the West Wing and the Path Forward will be released on April 2.