Washington D.C.—

President Donald Trump, who is increasingly as aware as anyone else that his presidency is on borrowed time, today took to Twitter to assure his supporters that his presidency will end with a bang, so to speak.

“My Presidency has Made America Great Again, and in thanks to you, my adoring fans, I will make sure that when I leave it will be the best, most beautiful greatest Constitutional crisis ever!” Mr. Trump tweeted at 2:16am.

Then, in a series of tweets, Mr. Trump explained:

“The American people don’t mind that Russia was involved to help me help them. Only Crooked Hillary cares because she lost, LOSER!”

“Comey, McCabe, Rosenstein, Mueller, the FBI, all the intelligence agencies, 95% of the media, Pelosi, every Democrat, the porn stars, and the nagging voice of your critical thoughts are all lying! Believe me.”

“But if they force me out and Lyin’ Hillary frames me, it will be like nothing you’ve ever seen. Cause it’s rigged. The more years I get imprisoned, the more innocent I am. Trust me.”

“I will not go down without a fight. I will be my whiniest, babiest, and bitchiest ever for the ‘American’ people.”

“Also, if I’m impeached and arrested I will literally spend all the money I have left on lawyers to sue every single American citizen, man woman and child, for $20 million in damages each.”

(Photo courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)

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