ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Australia is not only under attack from homosexuals, fornicators and climate scientists, it’s also under attack from communism.

That’s according to the Prime Minister, who spent this morning answering questions from the media as he stood shirtless on Sydney’s Wanda Beach.

“China,” said Scott Morrison.

“China in particular poses a clear and present danger to the Australian way of life. Which is why we need to act and act know.”

ScoMo then revealed that his government has been looking into developing a unique piece of warfare.

“I’d like to announce that my government is developing a number of giant coal-fired spiders that will be based throughout northern Australia. Their purpose will be primarily to deter a land-based invasion from a foreign power,” he said.

A reporter from Sky News then let out a guttural moan like a Nationals MP in Pattaya.

“I know, I know,” said ScoMo as he winked like somebody’s goofy dad.

“We hope to have them in service by 2034, which I hope will be my seventh term as Prime Minister. That’ll be all.”

The Prime Minister refused to answer any other questions.

More to come.