As we've seen with the recent clusterfuck of Malaysia Flight 370 headlines, the top priority of the news these days is less "give the news" and more "remorselessly splay every batshit ludicrous story until people catch on." Luckily, we're here to accelerate that process with our customary report of the most ridiculous recent non-headlines everyone fell for. Like ...

4 Liam Neeson Didn't Go All Taken to Save a Dog

Here's a little something from the "shit we wish was true" department:

belfasttelegraph.co.uk

He just appears whenever teens are doing something wrong, like a punching man's G.I. Joe PSA.

Continue Reading Below Advertisement

The story has everything you could ask for in a headline (stupid teens, cute animals, Liam Neeson), which may be the reason it got fast-tracked quicker than Taken 3. It spread over various online blogs and serious news sites despite being as fake as a National Enquirer article. Because it was a National Enquirer article (which Neeson denied a day later, presumably because he was busy killing wolves before that).

Seriously, guys: While we can't deny the pure bliss that comes with the mental image of Liam Neeson reducing bullies to blubber using only the wind produced from his voice, you know you're on the wrong track when it takes the Daily Fucking Mail to call your story out as being absolute bullshit.