Ariana Grande’s whirlwind engagement to Pete Davidson came to a halt after 4 short months & in a new interview with Vogue, the pop star admitted that she never truly got to know her fiancé.

Nearly a year after splitting with her fiancé, Pete Davidson, 25, Ariana Grande, 26, is getting honest about their relationship. In her latest cover story with Vogue, the pop star admitted that her romance with the SNL comedian was a “distraction” during a hard year. “My friends were like, ‘Come! We’re gonna have a fun summer.’ And then I met Pete, and it was an amazing distraction,” she told Vogue. “It was frivolous and fun and insane and highly unrealistic, and I loved him, and I didn’t know him. I’m like an infant when it comes to real life and this old soul, been-around-the-block-a-million-times artist. I still don’t trust myself with the life stuff,” Ari told the publication.

Ariana and Pete were first romantically linked in spring of 2018, and were engaged (much to fans’ surprise) by June of that year. However, things took a turn a few weeks later, when the singer’s ex, Mac Miller, died from an overdose on Sept. 7. While Ari laid low and remained out of the spotlight, her relationship with Pete ultimately didn’t survive. The two parted ways in October and Ari shared a message with her fans directly after. “Time to say bye bye to the internet for just a lil bit,” she said. “it’s hard not to bump news n stuff that i’m not tryna to see rn. It’s very sad and we’re all tryin very hard to keep goin. Love u. And thank u for bein here always,” she told her fans.

In addition to suffering a highly-publicized breakup, Ariana experienced a horrifying terrorist attack during a live show in May of 2017. A total of 23 people killed in a suicide attack after the concert at Britain’s Manchester Arena. So — one can hardly blame the pop star had she been in need of a “distraction” following a hard year. However, the pop star also told Vogue that she is constantly aiming to evolve into a better version of herself as she works towards healing. “I have this idea of what I’d like to be,” she said. “I can see this stronger, amazing, fearless version of myself that one day I hope to evolve into. Sometimes I try to be that for my fans before I actually am that myself. I think I’ve been avoiding putting in the work. You know how that gets: You push your therapist away at some point, but then you have to get back to it.”

Ariana looks unbelievable in her new Vogue spread, and it’s so sweet to see her pooch, Toulouse, was included too! The eye-opening chat was one of the pop star’s most honest yet and is a must-read for Arianators everywhere.