While it's tempting to write off everyone who seeks to learn from Pick Up Artists (PUAs) like Julien Blanc as misogynist twits, it's not actually fair. The art of romantic interaction doesn't come easily to everyone. It worries me to think there could be clients who seek genuine connections with women, but who lack the confidence or insight to know how to go about it. That they waste good money to receive advice on how to assault and belittle women from someone who constantly looks like he needs to take a shower is just, well, sad.

Luckily, I am a woman. And that means I have slightly more insight into how women like to be treated than a literal greaseball who once tweeted, "My favourite sexual position is the one where I cum and she doesn't." Heterosexually inclined gentlemen, if you're struggling to communicate with the opposite sex, never fear. This advice comes from for free, because you can't put a price on treating women with respect.

1. Don't try to 'game' them.

In 2005, investigative journalist Neil Strauss released a book called The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists. In researching the book, Strauss became heavily involved with the PUA community (who, as Alexandra Jacobs reiterates in the NY Times, "seem far more interested in spending time with fellow PUAs, amassing, refining and discussing the game, than actually getting to know women.") Under the tutelage of a man who calls himself 'Mystery', Strauss learned about 'negging', that being the act of casually undermining attractive women to inspire them to seek your good approval. It's gross and sneaky and breaks the cardinal rule of intimate relationships - viewing your prospective partner (or indeed, women in general) as actual human beings and not challenges which need to be broken down and won. Gross. If you're trying to manipulate women by playing on their insecurities, you need to have a long think about what that says about your own.


2. Offer your time and attention freely and without expectation

Ask any woman with a modicum of experience of internet dating, or maybe just life in general, and she'll be able to recount an anecdote of a man reacting with hostility at being denied attention or reciprocal interest. There's even a new Instagram account devoted to showcasing the mini tantrums thrown by dudes who don't get their own way when it comes to interacting with women.

Don't be that guy. Just...don't.

Because women don't owe you shit. Being nice to them, buying them a drink, holding a door open for them - none of these are transactions to which you are entitled a service in return. People should do these things because they're nice things to do, not because we're expecting something in exchange. And that goes for both men and women.

3. Abandon the idea of The Friendzone

Many an article has already been written on this already but to quote a classic internet meme, "women are not machines that you put kindness coins into until sex falls out".

Look, I get it. We've all had a friend who's kept us awake at night. We've all fantasised about our John Hughes ending. But sometimes (most of the time, in fact) it just isn't meant to be. And that's okay. A friendship isn't invalidated because one party doesn't share the same desires for physical intimacy as the other. If your only purpose for being there is to try and score her as a girlfriend, you're not really there for her. That doesn't mean you're not entitled to harbour some private feelings of loss and longing, but that's an issue for you and your poetry book to work through. If it's really too much for you to handle, start diversifying your circle of friends. But don't blame her because she doesn't love you the way you want her to.

And actually, men who are friends with women - genuine friends - usually know how to interact comfortably with them. Which makes interacting comfortably with a potential lover that much easier.

4. Respect women as human beings, not arm dollies.

I hate to say this bros, but you don't 'deserve' a woman with a bangin' bod and the face of angel. Just kidding, I'm totally fine with saying that. But women are entitled to turn you down and it's not because they're all gold-digging bitches who love men who treat them badly and who wouldn't know a Nice Guy if he threw his fedora right in her face. Don't be a creeper (see 2) and don't blame her for not feeling the same way (see 3). Respect women's boundaries. Don't yell at them in the street or approach them when they're clearly engaged in conversation with other people (including, and maybe even especially, other women).

Most importantly, don't justify treating all women with disdain because once upon a time one of them rejected you. Despite what some people think, women weren't all manufactured in the same factory. Besides, maybe she's rejecting your 'attempts to talk' because you're the fifth stranger whose approached her that week and she's just got a lot more interesting shit to do. Abandon the idea that men are at the centre of every woman's world.

5. Work on being the kind of person worth dating

This is probably the most important one. I can't speak for everyone, but I'm attracted to people who demonstrate an array of interests and who demonstrate good qualities. People who are kind and considerate, who are polite to members of the service industry, who clean up after themselves - these are the kinds of people other people want to be around.

Yes, there are women who are attracted to money and power and superficiality just as there are men who don't like women who are smarter than them. The world is full of assholes. But if you're after something genuine, work on becoming the kind of person who other people learn things from. Someone who excites other people with their passions or interests, and who makes people feel good when they're around you.

Watch movies. Read books. Keep up to date with current affairs. Don't vote Liberal. Learn how to cook at least one good meal. Be excited to find women who are smarter and funnier than you - congratulations, you've hit the jackpot. Most of all, be honest with yourself about what it is that YOU'RE bringing to the table, and then aim to make it even more appealing.

And for god's sake, stop paying Pick Up Artists to walk you through the pathetic insecurity that follows them around like the lingering smell of psychopathy.