Emotional Boris Johnson pleads with MPs to heal the national divide he created

As Boris Johnson brings back his deal to parliament, after his 8th humiliating defeat in the Commons, he implored MPs of all parties to finally put an end to the 3-year political nightmare that he set in motion.

In an attempt to strike a conciliatory tone before the crucial vote, the Prime Minister told the House of Commons that it was time to put personal feelings aside and work together to stop the Brexit drama that could have been resolved last year if not for people like him.

ERG ‘Spartan’ and scaled-up garden gnome, Mark Francois MP, was one of many to echo his leader’s conciliatory tone.

He said, “The clock is ticking and we need to get on with it, unlike the last three times when I voted down a deal and forced Theresa May to play for time.

“It’s not a perfect deal and I will be the first to admit that it is just as problematic if not more than the ones me and Boris said were intolerable, but this time we have to get it done before the completely arbitrary date that he chose.

“We are all in this together. I join Boris Johnson in imploring MPs to forget our many attempts to portray them as elitist traitors and the avalanche of death threats that ensued. Let us close the chapter on this book that people like me started because we think denigrating foreigners makes up for a complete absence of political vision or basic understanding of how the world works.”

The new approach has also led to speculation that Number 10 is moving away from standard Cummings tactics such as expelling Tories who do not clap the leader long enough or tweeting a list of schools attended by the children of dissenting MPs.