Courtesy of Edward-Isaac Dovere at Politico, we have an opportunity to enlighten our benighted selves with the mystic pronouncements of former president and present political oracle Barack Obama, offered this week at a Democratic National Committee fundraiser in Beverly Hills (California, not Michigan).

The event was intended to help the DNC dig out of the electoral hole at the federal, state and local levels that Democrats got themselves into during The Oracle’s administration. Manfully, the former president stepped up and admitted his culpability for his party’s losses. He was too kick ass:

I’ll be honest with you, if I have a regret during my presidency, it is that people were so focused on me and the battles we were having, particularly after we lost the House, that folks stopped paying attention up and down the ballot.

Perhaps because he is so kick ass, The Oracle understands that many remain mystified about why the Democrats lost the House and Senate during his tenure. Never one to miss a teachable moment, The Oracle gives us poor saps a hint: “If we don’t vote, then this democracy doesn’t work.” Reading the tea leaves, The Oracle appears to be instructing his audience that if Democrats don’t vote, Democrats don’t get elected.

It’s a trenchant analysis, one deepened by The Oracle’s astute observation this problem likely stems from the fact that, in America’s two-party system, there are two different points of view: “There’s a fundamental contrast of how we view the world,” The Oracle warned. “We are seeing the consequences of when one vision is realized, or in charge.”

As for what separates these worldviews, The Oracle revealed it’s obvious: the Democrats want everybody to get along. To wit:

The majority of the American people prefer a story of hope. A majority of the American people prefer a country that comes together rather than being divided. The majority of the country doesn’t want to see a dog-eat-dog world where everybody is angry all the time.

The best way to achieve such unity, of course, is for everyone to agree with Democrats.

But who won’t let that happen? Evil Republicans.

Thus, after soothingly telling attendees who believe the GOP is sending the world to Hell in a handbasket that “you are right to be concerned,” The Oracle explained it’s the other guys who are fearmongering:

Fear is powerful. Telling people that somebody’s out to get you, or somebody took your job, or somebody has it out for you, or is going to change you, or your community, or your way of life—that’s an old story and it has shown itself to be powerful in societies all around the world. It is a deliberate, systematic effort to tap into that part of our brain that carries fear in it.

As if to prove his point, The Oracle proceeded to frighten female voters by slandering GOP leadership as wanting “women staying in their place in all kinds of ways;” and, being inclusive, further expanded his point to frighten the citizenry at large:

Of course people are going to be angry about that, because if you had health care and suddenly somebody who says they’re going to make it better comes in and makes it worse, you’ll be pissed. You should go out and vote.

The Oracle’s sage words came from experience, as Obamacare certainly did inspire people to vote.

In addition to fear, The Oracle cited the other plank of the evil GOP’s agenda—anger. “They’re mad even when they win.” Given all their wins during and after The Oracle’s administration, the GOP must be very angry, indeed. Which must be why The Oracle believes “[Evil Republicans] don’t worry about inspiration. They worry about winning the seat and they are very systematic about work not just at the presidential level but at the congressional and state legislative levels.” High praise, indeed, from The Oracle, a former community organizer who, evidently, finds nothing inspiring about making America great again.

But, being kick ass, The Oracle didn’t end his prophesying on a bum note:

Reality has an interesting way of coming up and biting you, and the other side has been peddling a lot of stuff that is so patently untrue that you can get away with it for a while, but at a certain point, you confront reality.

The Oracle didn’t give a date as to when reality bites the delusional, but it may take time. Prior to his teachings, the DNC’s Tom Perez introduced The Oracle as “the real president of the United States.”

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