A long while ago I played in a game where our large, physical center forward was dismissed from the field of play by a referee who turned out to be surprisingly eagle-eyed for an middle-aged, fat man who’s glasses looked like they had been issued at least twenty years earlier by an over-worked National Health Service optician and who, like all truly top class referees, never felt the need to venture outside the center circle. Having missed the incident in question myself I asked our player for clarification over post-match libations. “That ba$t#5d defender was annoying me – so I cautioned him with an elbow” – was the succinct reply. Fair enough, no more needed to be said on the matter.

If the Northern Amateur Football League had a DISCO committee it would probably have been organizing a recently paroled DJ with a van-load of stolen equipment to attend the end of season awards dinner. But while MLS does not possess referees with NHS super-specs they do have a clandestine body of 5 individuals, one of whom allegedly has refereeing qualifications, to scrupulously review every last second of the weekend’s game tape looking for victims.

In the process of reviewing a random assortment of ‘incidents’ the DISCO5 are to adhere to the following ‘principles and parameters‘ :

Where the referee sees an incident and does not issue a red card, the Committee will not, in general, issue a suspension, unless:

The play in question is, in the unanimous opinion of the Committee from all available video evidence, a clear and unequivocal red card; AND

The play in question is, in the unanimous opinion of the Committee, of an egregious or reckless nature, such that the Committee must act to protect player safety or the integrity of the game.

It could certainly be argued Adi’s use of the elbow went over and above normal attacker/defender tussling and into reckless territory and that Opara’s safety could have been compromised if the elbow had actually connected with his face. I would prefer to see the committee keep their hammer reserved for truly egregious incidents, but Adi cannot complain given that they upgraded Kendall Waston’s elbow to his midriff in the final game of last season against Vancouver from a yellow to red card.

But freshly slaughtered emu-meat, pickled snow-leopard testicles, Armand de Brignac champagne and PBR sixers do not find their way to the DISCO5 lair cheaply, they must earn their keep and so Adi is out for this weekend’s Cascadian clash.

The Timbers will consult their ‘depth chart’ of center forwards and find that it consists only of John Seamus ‘Jack’ McInerney’s recently scratched out name. While very effectively strengthening their midfield unit in the off-season, Portland’s forward strategy seems to have been to hope Fanendo Adi is good to for 90 minutes every week. That’s probably not all that bad an idea, as the big man is remarkably durable. They do have one noteworthy addition to the attacking short-list in 20-year old Jeremy Ebobisse, but while he has made the 18 in recent weeks there are no noises emanating from the Timbers camp to indicate they see him as ready to lead the line at the point in his development. Instead they will likely rely on Darren Mattocks.

While mainly used as a winger in Portland, on the occasions when they deign to actually use their bench, the Jamaican has plenty of experience up front and will relish the prospect of taking on his former colleagues from the Whitecaps. It will be interesting to see how he works with Portland’s much vaunted attacking trio of Nagbe, Valeri and Blanco. The Timbers have been looking to spread the scoring burden wider this season – Chara, Guzman and even Nagbe, with his first goal from play since the Fall of 2015, have all chipped in already. But luckily for Portland Adi and Valeri have shown no sign of their 2016 form slowing down with 5 goals apiece in only 7 games so far in 2017.

Portland have had a great start to the season, but the next month with tell us what they are really all about. Sure it was fun slapping an expansion side around – that was the most ruthless beating of a Mid-Westerner since that giant Native American guy whipped Steve Buscemi around a Fargo hotel room with his belt back in 1996. Still at least Minnesota United were wearing more than socks at the time. Away wins at a 10-man LA and Eastern Conference bottom feeder Philly – are still two more road wins than they had all of last season. Of Portland’s 4 victories so far only Houston currently occupy a play-off spot.

The Timbers had their first real test last week and they failed it with a now familiar 1-0 home defeat to Sporting Kansas City. Peter Vermes’ men are becoming Caleb Porter’s nemesis -at least in the regular season. They play a tough brand of football and are savvy enough to work the referee for everything he has to offer. The Timbers played a bit like they had no preparation file on Drew Fischer, apparently he has called large numbers of fouls against Portland in the past and the same was readily apparent in this game after only ten minutes. But they continued to make silly little fouls all game giving KC the chance to milk Fischer like the DISCO5’s serfs milk goats for their master’s morning porridge.

Portland’s attacking plan started to look quite nice toward the end of the first half, Nagbe came deep as usual and on occasion Blanco would shift into his left wing slot putting pressure on converted KC right back Graham Zusi as Guzman also pushed high in support. It almost paid off with a few turnovers in the KC half, but Adi and Valeri both didn’t have their best games – and whether Portland have reliable alternate scorers to compensate for such days remains a question.

Despite not featuring on the list of goal-scorers just yet, Sebastián Blanco looks perfect for MLS. He was Portland’s best player against Kansas, getting stuck into them like they were a cross-town rival from Buenos Aires instead of some team he had never seen before. The Timbers have had a couple of failed attempts to find another Argentinian midfielder to complement Diego Valeri. Gaston Fernandez had all the skill but none of the work-rate and physicality required in this league. Lucas Melano has athleticism in abundance, but couldn’t match it with finishing or even consistent ball control. Third time’s a charm – Blanco is the real deal.

Two good feet, nice passing and movement, crossing ability and it seems that tacking is possibly his favorite thing to do on the field. He gets into it with a ferocity that seems forged from a lifetime of delighting in proving bigger players and doubting coaches wrong about his small physique. He just needs to get around to showing off his shooting ability.

The back four has been Portland’s main concern this year but their loss to Kansas was down to the front six. Adi was isolated too much and had a bit of an off day, the three attacking midfielders didn’t quite get things right and Chara and Guzman behind them both had days to forget. In 2014 with Valeri, Nagbe and Fernandez in the attacking slots Portland at times played with two too many play-makers on the field – there was a worrying hint of this in the KC game as well. Valeri’s attitude and style have changed since 2014, he is a perfect MLS player now and as mentioned Blanco looks born for this league so they should figure it out – one of the three, ideally Nagbe, needs to make a lot more direct, vertical runs to connect with Adi.

Failing that they do have two very direct players on the bench in Mattocks and Asprilla, those have seen limited minutes so far, in both the loss to KC and the home tie with New England many felt Porter should have looked to his bench a little earlier. Portland claimed to be deeper in every position this season, they need to show it is more than just on paper.

In a battle like Kansas bring, the defensive midfield axis of Chara and Guzman had to have great games. Instead they looked a little confused about their roles. Guzman pushed way too high from his number 6 job protecting the back four and his passing and tackling were well below par, it was something of a relief to hear afterwards that he had been a doubt with flu symptoms before the game. He will need to be back in top form for his first Cascadian derby.

The back four were fine against Kansas, Alvas Powell has felt some heat about abandoning his right back slot on their goal, but with Chara and Guzman AWOL following a quick transition he might have been right to try to cover his central defenders. Marco Farfan at left back has been a revelation at only 18 – the whole development side of the organization will be very proud of how he has slotted in during Vytas’ injury. However, KC was a step too far for him, he got sucked into some fouls in dangerous areas by sneaky old pros and didn’t offer much in the attack. It looks time for Vytas to come back and steady the ship. Farfan can wait for his next chance and that a local teenager can push an international player for a slot is healthy sign.

Liam Ridgewell also seems ready to return, but whether he can earn his left side of the central partnership back is questionable. Roy Miller had another excellent game against Kansas, perhaps Porter will slot him in on the other side for Olum, but the Englishman may have to wait a little while. Freddie Montero’s predatory movement in the box was the main reason Vancouver defeated a Seattle team who looked better than them for large parts of the game last week. The Colombian did a nice job of pretending not to enjoy scoring against Seattle, but he would be only too delighted to celebrate in front of his old friends in the Timbers Army this week. Whoever the central partnership is for Portland they will need a body touch-tight to Montero at all times.

Looking down the schedule the KC and Vancouver games are only the start of a tricky stretch for Portland. They visit Dallas and San Jose next, followed by a home game to Atlanta (who are not cut from the same expansion cloth as Minnesota) before two more road games in Montreal and Seattle. When that section of the fixture list is complete we will know a lot more about this Portland side.

Portland Sep 18 Steve Clark Heroics prevented a disaster for the Portland Timbers in San Jose Sep 17 Timbers Concede Late, Settle for Draw Against San Jose Sep 15 Can the Portland Timbers bounce back on the road against the Quakes? Sep 14 LAFC got a valuable win at the expense of inconsistent Timbers Sep 14 Timbers Fall to LAFC 4-2 September, 2020

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