Nebula Award winning author and NCSU professor John Kessel, who grew up enjoying picking up L. Frank Baum’s Wizard of Oz books as they were published at the beginning of the last century and was of an, er, “advanced” age by the time Tolkien finally got to work, off-handedly quipped that “I know the world does not care, but nobody could pay me enough money to go see ‘The Hobbit.’ Well, maybe someone could, but nobody is going to.” Well… Brent Winter suggested an eBay auction and Kij Johnson a Kickstarter, adding that to work, it would have to be collected for a charity, and John offered that the SFWA Medical Fund would do just fine. So! Let’s do this.

NOTE: I am not an agent of SFWA and am not collecting any money. Only pledges. Pledgers please use the SFWA form to donate to the SFWA Emergency Medical Fund. (And then come back here and add your pledge, so we know your donation is meant to spur on this effort!)

How is this going to work? We’re going to collect pledges for donations to the SFWA Emergency Medical Fund. Once pledges reach certain levels, additional “scenarios” are unlocked. Here are the tiers as agreed to by Prof. Kessel:

$250 — Prof. Kessel goes to see The Hobbit (the upcoming Peter Jackson version, in a movie theater before the end of the year, no cop-out home screenings of the Bass-Rankin animated classic) — REACHED (Brent Winter)

(Brent Winter) $500 — Prof. Kessel will write 500 words on the film — REACHED (Jason Erik Lunbderg)

(Jason Erik Lunbderg) NEW: $750 — Prof. Kessel will either before or after the film eat Denny’s The Hobbit-themed Ring Burger — REACHED (Mark Mzyk)

$750 — Prof. Kessel will either before or after the film eat Denny’s The Hobbit-themed Ring Burger — (Mark Mzyk) $1000 — Prof. Kessel will dress as Gandalf when watching the film — REACHED (Karen Anderson)

(Karen Anderson) NEW: $1500 — Prof. Kessel will watch the entire Peter Jackson Lord of the Rings trilogy and write 500 words on this experience — REACHED (Anonymous #3)

$1500 — Prof. Kessel will watch the entire Peter Jackson Lord of the Rings trilogy and write 500 words on this experience — (Anonymous #3) NEW: $2000 — Prof. Kessel will channel his inner Leonard Nimoy and perform 30 seconds (on video, of course) of “The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins” — REACHED (Anonymous #3)

$2000 — Prof. Kessel will channel his inner Leonard Nimoy and perform 30 seconds (on video, of course) of “The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins” — (Anonymous #3) $2500 — Prof. Kessel will dress as Galadriel when watching the film (and yes there will be documentary evidence) — REACHED (Anonymous #3) BONUS: If we reach $2500, there’s also a “Dial-a-Rant” offer from Melinda Thielbar for the biggest pledge

(Anonymous #3)

As to whether or not Prof. Kessel can “pull off” Gandalf? Witness:

I’ll keep pledges and totals updated here, until/if we get a bigger/better place on board to do this. OK. Let’s go! If you want to pledge publicly, just comment here on the post, or mention @bullspec on Twitter, etc. Privately/anonymously, email me at sam@bullspec.com — happy pledging! It’s a short turn around time, but let’s have all pledges in by the end of Monday December 17 — so John knows what to wear and whether or not to skip second breakfast (or at least elevensies) to save room for that Ring Burger! (And to give us some time to prepare the correct costume…)

UPDATE: 18 December 2012, 10:40 AM EST: TOTAL: $2500 from 65 pledgers:

William Badger, $10 Tom Caswell, $10 Sam M-B, $10 Laura Haywood-Cory, $10 Kij Johnson, $10 $20 Vivian Lee, $10 Paul Celmer, $10 Anonymous #1, $50 John Kessel, $20 Jim Kelly, $20 Christie Yant, $20 Anonymous #2, $25 TL Stinson, $10 Matt Wimberly, $10 Brent Winter, $20 (Film) Emily Howson, $10 Melinda Thielbar and Richard Dansky, $50 Alex Ronke, $15 Diane Kurilecz, $10 Shelly Rae Clift, $25 Susan Katz, $10 John Morillo, $10 Tony Harrison, $20 Barbara J. Webb, $20 Stacie H., $5 Julie Day, $15 Carrie Cuinn, $20 Jason Erik Lundberg, $25 (Essay) Dee Lalley, $20 Rebecca Wright, $10 Elizabeth Bourne, $100 Steve Burnett, $50 janetl, $25 John Bowker, $20 Meagen Voss, $10 Mark Mzyk, $20 (Ring Burger) P Nielsen Hayden, $20 Karen Burnham, $25 Arian Hormozi, $30 Marti Dell, $20 Kevin McNeil, $100 Dario Ciriello, $10 Ada Milenkovic Brown, $10 Juliette Wade, $20 Karen Anderson, $29.90 (Gandalf) Fuzzy Gerdes, $25.10 Elise Mattheson, $20 Pat Knuth, $20 Madison Roberts and Richard McLane, $20 Madeleine Robins, $25 Bandit, $10 Nicholas Stoute, $10 Jeff Kapustka, $25 Kate Maddalena, $5 Kevin J. Maroney, $25 Warren Buff, $20 Simon Goldenberg, $20 David Afsharirad, $20 C.C. Finlay, $25 Mia Nutick, $50 Tina Black, $25 Nightowl Pictures, $20 Brooke Wonders, $15 Nathaniel Williams, $10 Anonymous #3, $1090 (LOTR, BALLAD, GALADRIEL)

UPDATE: THANKS EVERYBODY! Thanks especially to our Nth hour anonymous donor who contacted me and asked how much was left, and indeed, pledged it all. Unbelievable. New post soon, check for the tag KesselHobbit for photos and video to come. Now we have some work to do on wardrobe…

UPDATE: From John: “I just came back from choosing the gown I will wear as Galadriel tomorrow afternoon at Denny’s, and then at the 4:15 or 4:30 showing of The Hobbit at the North Hills theater. I need to thank all of the people who pledged to the SFWA Emergency Medical Fund in order to make this humiliation possible. You have done some real good for a worthy cause, and you should be proud of yourselves when you are not feeling ashamed for putting me through this. There will be photos and videos, I am told, and I must say with all due modesty that I am stunning in white. Review to follow.”