Here on present-day earth, we have very strict laws in place to deter and severely punish folks who would risk their lives and the lives of fellow roadsters by driving under the influence of Jager Bombs and/or Irish Car Bombs. And these laws exist in a time when our vehicles need rubber wheels and paved roads in order to move forward, and physical laws like "gravity" and "acceleration" still need to be adhered to. If we can't successfully operate vehicles with two pedals and a steering wheel, with a .09 alcoholic blood level without slamming into a deli, then we should never get behind the touch pads, handle bars, joy sticks or laser cannons of any of these sci-fi vehicles.

The Delorian from Back to The Future





Aside from the fact that you'd need to hit 88 mph without sideswiping into a bus, you should never mix booze with time travel. As a joke you'd set the clock to when your best friend's mom was young, and when you came back to the present your best friend would now have your ears. Not funny. You'd try to live out your old high school "If I knew then what I know now" fantasies, travelling through time to hit on the girls you didn't have the flux capacitors to back when you were a pimply-faced teenager. The only problem is you'd be wasted. So not only would those girls be wondering why you parked your car from the future on the cafeteria lunch lady, but they'd be horrified to see an older, drunker, slurrier version of that kid they don't talk to in geography class, stumbling over to them with lines like "HHhhhheey! You know that sssound you've been looking for? Welll chcheck this out!" zzzzipp. You'll be in jail in no time, charged with running over the lunch lady, and for indecently unzipping your mcfly.

Speeders from Return of the Jedi





If you can't walk a straight line on a sidewalk without bumping into a parking meter, then there's no way in hell you'd be able to pilot one of these babies through the dense forests of Endor without crashing and becoming a permanent tree hugger. Even as a kid watching the POV speed racer scenes I remember thinking "I wouldn't last more than 30 seconds on these things! How do they squeeze through trees that are no wider apart than a stop sign?" Just look at what happened when an Ewok speeder-jacked one of those crotch rockets, and he was completely sober!

Gunstar from The Last Starfighter

For anyone born after 1980, you probably have no idea what the heck The Last Starfighter is all about. But for any sci-fi nerds who are a little bit older this movie was the s**t. It instilled little boys with the fantasy that if you master a videogame, you may be whisked off to space to participate in galactic warfare. Now, you may feel that because the controls of the "Gunstar" are similar to those of the videogame, that you can get smashed and "step aboard" like you do with your buddies on a Saturday night. Well, assuming you're inebriated memory can retain the pre-flight checklist, you're sure to spray the windshield while filling up the cockpit with vomit after you drunkenly activate the "weapon of last resort."

Light Cycles from Tron

Flynn is an expert gamer with incredible reflexes, you are a drunk accountant that uses public transportation. Good luck on one of these badboys.

Pod Racers from The Phantom Menace





The fact that Anakin Skywalker's father is The Force and that he has more metachlorians than Yoda is the only reason a human is able to compete in the Pod Races on Tatooine. As Qui Gon Jinn notes, Anakin's lighting reflexes are due to the fact that he is able to "see things before they happen." So, given that you're not the "chosen one," and that you probably don't have a Jedi's ability to predict the future, and that you're reflexes have been slightly altered by those 12 tequila shots, the Pod Racer is definitely a vehicle to steer clear of. Imagine being pulled by a two-horse carriage. Now replace the horses with giant rockets. Continue drinking. Now imagine trying to steer those rockets as they drag you across the dessert, with Sand People shooting at you. I don't even recommend playing the videogame while under the influence, as the subsequent motion sickness would surely cause you to fill your own pockets with spew.

Star Ship Enterprise





How many times have you misspelled words while operating MSN drunk? How many times have you misspelled a word while typing sober? While these mistakes are relatively harmless on earth, they could be fatal while using the navigational touch screens aboard a Federation Starship. Nothing would be more disastrous than hearing Jean-Luc Picard command you to "Make it so," and your sloppy fingers drunkenly set the USS Enterprise on a direct course to the center of planet Vulcan, warp factor 7. Romulan ale is illegal for a reason!

The Nebuchednezzar from the Matrix

Invisibility is key when attempting to navigate these hover crafts through the tunnels and sewers of a machine-ravaged planet earth. One wrong move through these narrow passageways and your presence could alert the Sentinels: Metallic octopus-looking killing machines who are programmed to rip your face off. So if you're aboard one of these things you've already taken the red pill, you've been pulled out of the Matrix where sushi and meatball sandwiches were readily available, and now you're forced to eat cream-of-slop three times a day, while wearing a burlap sack and with your body covered with plug holes. This would drive anyone to heavy, heavy drinking. So while you're off duty, no one will blame you for drowning your sorrows with some alcoholic axle grease, but make sure you're sober if you're behind the wheel.

A Taxi Cab from The Fifth Element

Driving drunk is tough enough on roads with cars to the right and left of you. Imagine driving where there are cards to the right, left, above and below you. You pass out for a second and you could wind up crashing your cab through the roof of someone's flying-mobile.