New Zealand definitely still has a long way to go—just look to the shockingly high level of mental health issues among trans Kiwis —but those changes have made New Zealand something of a beacon for young gay citizens of the world. VICE spoke with three members of China Pride NZ, Aotearoa's first Chinese LGBT group, now living in Aotearoa, about the unique challenges that come with growing up gay in China, and how the more liberal laws of this country have helped them find acceptance.

Wherever in the world you are, coming out can be hard. But in Aotearoa, 23 years after the Homosexual Law Reform Act, and with gay marriage firmly established as a cultural institution, the hope is that those structural changes, and the societal acceptance that birthed them, are hopefully beginning to make it easier for young gay, bi, and trans New Zealanders to find acceptance—both of themselves, and from society at large.

Why did you join the China Pride NZ? In fact, I didn't feel that I was very special. I’m just an ordinary person living a normal life. It was nothing more than a choice. But when I see a smaller group of people who are struggling within our community, such as transgender people, and the group of people who have suffered from gender dysphoria, I especially want to do something.

When did you start facing it? It was after university when I really got to know the community. There was a QQ group [the equivalent of a Facebook group in China] called "Deep Autumn Cottage". It felt like a door was opened suddenly in front of you. Wow, these are girls who all like girls, and many people share the same story as mine, resulting in a very strong sense of identity/belonging.

Why would you do that? I grew up in a small country town in Hunan, China. There was no internet at the time and it was very closed. I had short hair when I was in junior high school, and I was quite neutral in the way I dressed too, but this style was rare in school at the time. In contrast with everyone else, I felt that I was too strange. I didn’t dare to face myself and my diary.

When did you find out that you like girls? When I was in high school. It was love at first sight. The girl was one year older than me. When I saw her, I thought she was very attractive and couldn’t stop approaching her. Then I reflected on why I kept thinking about her. I wrote a diary everyday, and I was very scared. After I finished writing, I glued the front and back pages together.

Have you not come out to your parents yet? I have, but my partner hasn’t.

The development in China is growing, but not when compared to New Zealand. After all, the laws in New Zealand are perfect, my partner and I don’t need to hide anything. But if we go back to our hometown, we might not be able to hold hands in public.

But at the beginning it was a very inferior experience. When I was coming of age, I often wore a big fat T-shirt and felt insecure. I was afraid that others would found out I like girls, but I wanted to express myself. After discovering myself as gay after university, there was still a period of struggle to me. For example, I still wasn’t sure if I was tomboy or was transgender. I didn’t know how to find an answer. It took a long time to accept my body slowly. I graduated university in 2002. And I couldn’t fully embrace myself until 2014. Finding this sense of confidence took me 12 years.

What do you think most Chinese people know about LGBT issues now?

It’s hard to get involved with your own family. If it is someone else's child, then it is okay. Just take me as an example, if I have a child. Although I’d fully respect his/her identity, but I would still hope him/her to be straight… the pressure he/she faces from society is much smaller.

Society still needs to catch up...

Of course. In any case, after all, you are a minority. You will face social judgement or unfair treatment.

This is also the reason why many people don’t come out. There are so many friends when they are 27/28, their parents expect them to get married and have a kid. They will consider sham-marriage to placate their parents – it’s so common for gay people in China. Some will even sign contracts.

For example, things like how do you split money after receiving a gift at Chinese New Year. How many times you have to go visit family a year. Even the house has to be bought nearby in case when the parents come to visit, it is more convenient for two people to pretend to live together. In fact, we have also considered this form of sham-marriage, but in the end we can not do it, because a lie will take a bunch of new lies to cover, and finally it will be busted.

"One of the reasons we chose to come here is because NZ recognizes gay marriage."

B**ut you’re married?** Correct. One of the reasons we chose to come here is because NZ recognizes gay marriage. Maybe I’m at a certain age and want to form a family. Also because my family went through a lot of changes earlier, I’d consider that too if I have an accident, I hope the person I love can have the right to divide my property, or to visit me. In addition, we can be more relaxed together here, and when the child grows up, the environment will be more inclusive.