Reinvention is uncomfortable. Whether it is changing our hair, contemplating a career change, reevaluating a relationship with a vice, or exploring a new type of lifestyle, there is a creeping resistance to reinventing ourselves. And why would we? We have to take the time to question our whole sense of being and purpose in the first place, decide to destroy parts of ourselves for some abstract greater good, and then replace those parts with something new and unfamiliar with no guarantee that this change will actually bring more fulfillment. But despite all the pain and turbulence this process begins, it’s exactly this reinvention that breathes new life into us when we feel dissatisfied, complacent, or aimless. Beyoncé’s 4 is the start of her reinvention, the beginning of a transformation from a mainstream pop superstar to a risk-taking, musically experimentative, emotionally dense artist. It’s a reinvention that she will come to master with the two albums that followed, but it starts here. It is not Beyoncé’s best album, but it is her most essential.

4 by Beyoncé (Reordered tracklist for the 2012 re-release)

4 by Beyoncé (Original 2011 tracklist)

But before reinvention, comes an inflection point.

The year preceding the release of 2011’s 4 is that inflection point in Beyoncé’s career. In her mini-documentary, Year of 4, Beyoncé attempts to vocalize the emotional effects of a decade of constant touring and recording.

“My life was award shows, and tour buses and hotels, and it kinda goes by so fast. You're getting awards and people are saying how much they respect you and I couldn't even hear it anymore. It just was like ‘thank you, thank you, thank you’. I’m just thinking about the next shoot, I’m just thinking about the next video, the next single, the next tour…After I finished the last tour, I was a bit overwhelmed and overworked. And my mother was the person who preached to me… you really need to live your life and open your eyes and you don't want to wake up with no memories and never really being able to see the world”

This sense of artistic burnout, along with her mother’s advice, led to a year-long break from the spotlight. Beyoncé spent time travelling the world and deeping her relationships with her family, friends, and co-workers. She also made the decision to cut professional ties with her father, who had managed her career to this point, to gain more agency and ownership in her creative career. She described this decision as heartbreaking but ultimately right for her ambitions, especially as a woman.

“It was very risky for me to step out on my own. Being a young woman, I want to set the example that it is possible for us to own our own businesses, and own our own record labels. And sometimes we don’t reach for the stars. Sometimes we are satisfied with what people tell us we’re supposed to be satisfied with. And I’m just not going for [that].”

With this album, Beyoncé took full control of her creative direction of her album and the business decisions that surrounded it. As a result, 4 sounds simultaneously unassured and self-assured in a way the rest of her albums, especially her most recent records, do not. Someone still finding exactly where their footing may land but confident of the direction of their steps.

Yet this is not a criticism in the slightest. In fact, there is something awe-inspiring in Beyoncé sounding so vulnerable, stripped-back, and transparent. This album feels like a real-time listen in her trying to understand who she is — someone becoming distant with her mainstream R&B history but unsure of what her future artistic journey looks like. There is a vivid feeling of an artist working to change herself, as she tries to push her own personal boundaries creativity, professionally, and artistically. She sounds like someone who has achieved success most only dream about, yet still doesn’t want to feel complacent to the status quo. Instead, she aspires to rise to the challenges of making something new and exciting.

When I first listened to 4 the week it was released, I was taken aback by how emotionally intense, creative, and just purely exciting it was to listen to this album. I always loved listening to Destiny’s Child and Beyoncé growing up; songs like “Say My Name” and “Halo” are some of my all-time favorites. Yet while she made worldwide pop smashes, I never really associated her with taking massive avant-garde creative risks. With 4, I suddenly felt personally connected to the emotional turbulence of an artist who had always felt larger-than-life.

My feeling paralleled her ambitions. In a Facebook post she expressed her changing mindset towards the music she wanted to create as she approached her 30s.

“The album [4] is definitely an evolution. It’s bolder than the music on my previous albums because I’m bolder. The more mature I become and the more life experiences I have, the more I have to talk about. I really focused on songs being classics, songs that would last, songs that I could sing when I’m 40 and when I’m 60.”

The album opens with three tracks that act as incredibly powerful R&B/soul ballads, tackling the topic of romantic love at different and nuanced angles. “1 + 1” is an emotional opener where Beyoncé delicately sings about the peacefulness of finding a soul mate in the midst of chaos, over a restrained instrumental that has twinges of psychedelic rock influence. “I Care” is built on a minimalist hard-hitting percussion beat with slight elements of gospel, but is absolutely carried by Beyoncé’s powerhouse vocals that stretch from mellow to explosive so effortlessly as she sings about unrequited affection. “I Miss You”, co-written with Frank Ocean, is such an intimate song it feels as if Beyoncé recorded it in a bedroom at 2 AM near candlelight, as the lyrics express both longing and troubled acceptance of a past relationship.

While there are ballads abound on this record, there are a great deal of upbeat and energizing tracks that bring in a diverse set of experimentation and an array of influences from different genres. “Party” uses elements of funk and hip-hop that blend perfectly with André 3000’s smooth flows and Kanye’s charismatic opener to create a laid back and fun-loving track.“Love on Top” uses old-school soul and disco to create an outstanding grandess for Beyoncé’s incredible and mind-blowing vocal range.“Countdown” is a whirlwind of a song that incorporates sounds of R&B, hip-hop, jazz, funk, and reggae, as Beyoncé glides through melodies at breakneck speed, completely eschewing any sense of typical song structure. “End of Time”, influenced by Afrobeat music legend Fela Kuti, layers chopped and aggressive vocals over the horn-heavy pulsing beat, that gives the track an unstoppable and free-wielding spirit. “Run The World (Girls)”, the electronic-influenced album closer, creates a bombastic backdrop for the female empowerment anthem, one that is more cocky and unapologetic than any of her previous anthems.

The album’s core ethos and shining moment comes with the penultimate track “I Was Here”, as Beyoncé steps into uncharted territory contemplating death and her legacy.

With a slowly building reverb and soft piano keys, Beyoncé expresses her deepest hopes for her life and her art.

“I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time / Know there was something that meant something that I left behind / When I leave this world, I’ll leave no regrets / Leave something to remember, so they won’t forget”

She expresses the desire to have left some type of footprint before she dies, knowing that her life added some type of value to the world. It’s a simple but intense feeling we all experience:

An acknowledgement by the world that we were here.

“I was here / I lived, I loved / I was here / I did, I’ve done everything that I wanted / And it was more than I thought it would be / I will leave my mark so everyone will know / I was here”

The first iteration of the chorus is sung gently and with a slight sense of melancholy, a feeling of meditative wondering if she will ever get to see this heavy wish granted.

She thinks about her impact on the individuals of the world.

“I wanna say I lived each day, until I die / And know that I meant something in, somebody’s life / The hearts I have touched, will be the proof that I leave / That I made a difference, and this world will see”

As the second verse begins and the chorus soon repeats, Beyoncé’s vocals becomes grander and the production rises in intensity to match it. The percussion of the backing xylophone grows larger and richer as the instrumentation jets forward with more confidence, creating a visceral image of a tidal wave slowly expanding as it inches forward. It mirrors Beyoncé’s own journey on this track, her confidence growing as she plants her feet firmly into her ambitions.

It’s in these ambitions that she hopes to pour her last blood, sweat, and tears.

“I just want them to know / That I gave my all, did my best / Brought someone some happiness / Left this world a little better just because / I was here.”

The bridge ends and there is an ever-so-soft pause.

Suddenly, the instrumentations explode to a climax and Beyoncé absolutely belts her vocals with so much passion, emotion, fear, sadness, ambition, and hope all wrapped into one intensely heartfelt final chorus. The understated guitars, stripped-back drums, and glimmering piano keys strike perfectly with each word, allowing the track to surge with overwhelming emotion and feeling. Beyoncé’s singing here is truly a masterclass, as there is a level of unmatched raw talent and soul that is dying to burst through the seams of the song.

As this song strikes its final note, the motivation for Beyoncé’s reinvention becomes clear — it was necessary for the legacy and impact she wanted to make. As the 2010s come to a close, it is obvious now that 4 was the beginning of Beyoncé’s transformation from a global pop superstar in her first three albums to a risk-taking, genre-blending, ground-breaking musician in her latter three albums. She reinvented herself from a mainstream pop/R&B hit-maker to one diving headfirst into alternative sounds, wide-ranging experimentation, and earth-shattering subject matter.

4 is an outstanding record. It perfectly blends mainstream R&B and Pop with experimental R&B, drawing influences from traditional soul, gospel, hip-hop, psychedelic rock, electro, dance, afrobeat, and reggae. I am always amazed when artists can bring multiples genres together in a way that feels effortless and seamless, a la Kanye West, The Beatles, or Radiohead. Beyoncé is inspiring in that same way. Through all this experimentation, her identity continuously shines through as her lyrics show her deepest vulnerabilities and her greatest joys.

4 is not my favorite Beyoncé album as that honor belongs to 2013's Beyoncé or 2016’s Lemonade, depending on my mood. However, because it is sandwiched between her smash-success mainstream R&B albums and her groundbreaking alternative R&B albums that are modern-day classics, 4 holds a special place in my heart. This album is her most overlooked and underappreciated, and in many ways her most essential to understand how she has become the musical genius and worldwide icon she is today. There would be no Beyoncé or Lemonade without 4.

4 reminds me that it’s not only okay, but important to reinvent myself, to not be scared of change or risks. I’m someone who’s always trying to reinvent myself and explore different avenues whether it be navigating different creative pursuits, different career options, even different religions. Yet I know in those times of transition, there is a vivid feeling of being “lost”, knowing that you want to leave who you were but unsure of where you want to go.

Life is long — along the way we will have many identities, passions, and dreams. So many and over such a long period that these identities start to feel completely unrecognizable from the previous ones. As we traverse this life, there are inflection points where we realize that we are looking for a change in ourselves, and that transition leads to a time of pause, of reflection, of change, and eventually a reinvention.

When we think of those reinventions, we think that they happen overnight. But these reinventions take time. They take roadblocks, and baby steps, and u-turns. And along the way, we don’t really know exactly what we are doing. As we change and leave our past selves behind, we are struck with questions:

Who are we? What are we doing? Why are we here?

Beyoncé’s 4 attempts to answer those questions, unapologetic about exposing the flaws and insecurities that come along. And for that, it’s beautiful.