Thoughts and Prayers factory struggling to meet demand

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Thoughts and Prayers factory LLC in Springfield, Nebraska, is struggling to keep pace with the sheer demand of orders flooding in from across the United States and, increasingly, from around the globe.

“It’s really just astounding,” says founder and CEO of T & P Rex Venison, “thousands of Americans are turning on the news, witnessing tragedy after tragedy, and finally deciding to do something about it!”

Mr. Venison credits the rise in social media in most American homes as having a huge impact on business. “Americans used to have to sit helplessly in front of their televisions, watching their local news source, and could only tsk-tsk to themselves and mutter, perhaps to a loved one or equivalent pet, about what the world is coming to these days. Now, with social media, Americans can post a message visible to children that no longer return their calls letting them know that they have ordered a fresh shipment of thoughts and prayers which is being rushed to those in need.”

Mr. Venison has also witnessed first-hand the results of his company’s Thoughts and Prayers in action.

“I was recently in Puerto Rico when our first container ship full of Thoughts and Prayers landed in San Juan. When I saw these poor American families, who want nothing more than a liter of drinkable water, receive Becky Granderson’s screen-shot from her Facebook post sending her Thoughts and Prayers and her profile picture changed to Puerto Rico’s flag, well, all of our hard work and sacrifice this year has been worth it.”

And Mr. Venison sees no easing up for demand, especially in 2020, when T & P has broken even the most bullish sales records.

“As long as American’s realize that, rather then taking a minute out of their day to supply anything that could actually benefit a situation, be it political or monetary action, and instead make an empty empathetic statement that will generate 14 likes and an angry face, we think 2020 might be out biggest year yet!” Mr. Venison said, with an unmistakable twinkle in his eye and a tie plastered with emoji sad-faces clutching hearts.

Reporting by Filmore Firebush, of the Flatbush Federated Free Press.