Texas senator and noted revisionist historian Ted Cruz has enjoyed what could perhaps charitably called a rocky relationship with Donald Trump. The former rivals for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination were cordial enough at first, but once the field of candidates had been winnowed down to just the two of them, Trump went nuclear on "Lyin' Ted," taking to Twitter to call Cruz's wife ugly and implying in an interview that Cruz's father was involved in the assassination of President Kennedy. As Cruz himself might say, things escalated quickly.

Unwilling to let such repulsive attacks on his family go unaddressed, the senator courageously responded by issuing a blistering rebuke of Trump's comments, and even after Trump eventually secured the GOP nomination and became president, Ted Cruz never forgot the despicable insults and outrageous lies uttered about the man who raised him and the mother of his chil—hahaha, just kidding, he rolled over so fast that he almost threw out his back. Last night, the man reached a previously undiscovered level of spinelessness, bringing his family to dine at the White House with President Trump and the First Lady.

"Warm and gracious"! Listen, erstwhile political rivals find ways to mend fences all the time—being able to do so is a really important part of the job, actually. But saying that Cruz and Trump were just your standard, run-of-the-mill candidates for elected office is like calling that fight sequence in Anchorman a nuanced, civil discussion about the future of local news media in greater San Diego. Seriously, imagine being so thirsty to reclaim to a shred of meaningful political relevance that you're willing to tell your wife to get ready for a nice evening with someone who said this about her:

The lesson: Staying true to your values and putting your family before your selfish political aspirations is nothing to a man who stubbornly clings to the flickering hope that, if he solemnly prostrates himself for long enough, he'll one day be tapped for a Supreme Court seat. Never change, senator.

Watch Now: The Crisis of Trump's Conspiracy Theories