PYEONGCHANG, SOUTH KOREA—Decrying the rapid decay of what were planned to be pillars of the local community, PyeongChang officials confirmed Wednesday that only weeks after the Olympics, many of their athletes were already completely dilapidated. “The Olympics were supposed to be about building the future of South Korea, and yet many of these athletes are filthy, untended, and falling to pieces,” said Governor Choi Moon-soon, displaying pictures of the crumbling skiers and ice dancers who, recently pristine, have already been abandoned and left to rot. “The money we put into these state-of-the-art athletes could have gone to so many other things, but instead, we have a hockey team that nobody will ever see again and a bunch of broken-down bobsledders. This was a massive, multi-billion dollar investment in something that only mattered for a few weeks, and now neighborhoods are covered in debris from neglected Olympians.” Officials added that if something was not done to rescue these derelict athletes soon, they would have to be demolished.

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