The Frisky





First Time For Everything: Dating A Couple



By Chloe Monroe



I met Greg through a dating website and we talked online and then on the phone for about a week. I was very hesitant because I had never tried online dating before, and also because of one very glaring fact: Greg was in a four-year relationship with Jen.



No, he wasn’t on a cheating website. He was looking for another partner because he and Jen are polyamorous and they often maintain more than one relationship at once.



I asked a lot of questions. Polyamory wasn’t something I’d ever considered trying....



[Greg and I] got pizza, talked, and ended the night with kissing. It was one of the most normal (and frankly boring) first dates I’ve ever been on.... I left before eleven o’clock, feeling a bit of a thrill at the thought of meeting his girlfriend. Just to meet her, of course. Ask her questions, collect data. To explore this new relationship model in a way that would make Kinsey proud.



...Jen was very different from how I had imagined her.... I felt like a nervous 14-year-old boy trying to figure out how to introduce himself to a girl at a school dance. Luckily, she gave me a quick handshake and from there, we clicked famously. The three of us spent the rest of the night talking and joking, and I lost track of time.



The next day, Jen and I spoke in private.



“Greg and I are not a boxed set,” she surprised me by saying. “I find you very attractive, but I want you to make the decision to be with us or just with him.”...







That night, well fed and relaxed, I felt very happy and slowly it dawned on me.



This felt so normal. So right. So — not deviant at all.





People sharing stories like this one are gradually changing the world. The popular online magazine The Frisky ("Love. Life. Stars. Style.") just published this:Some days later:Read the whole story (Oct. 13, 2011). Here are other articles The Frisky has run touching on polyamory.How many times I've heard people say this, since I first experienced it myself!This is partly why I think poly is no modern invention but something that has been deep-rooted in human nature all along — something that we suppressed or lost track of. That, of course, is pretty much the thesis of(now available in paperback), which collects evidence from anthropology and human physiology to make a case for what I thought I grokked from the beginning.Not that you can rely on your instincts to make it work, however! It's a huge help to study up on the experience and wisdom of others, and apply consciousness and reason to what you do accordingly  that's where modernity really does make things different. As food for thought, you can start with Franklin Veaux's Guide to Dating a Couple (Off topic: That threesome feet photo? It just showed up in a real estate ad for an "ultra hip" condo development in Victoria, BC. Remarks a commenter, "We are everywhere, bwahahah!")