Last year I gave gamers some priceless tips on how to play Skyrim like a professional. The guide may not have improved the skills of those who read it quite to the level of my own amazing expertise, but I'm sure it was invaluable to them nonetheless. Today I'm back with a list of how to handle some prickly situations in Far Cry 3.

For each entry, I outline how the average gamer might react to the situation at hand (i.e. the wrong way) and how I personally handled it (i.e. the awesome way). Remember, it takes decades of gaming to become this good, so don't be discouraged if your play style sounds more like the amateur descriptions. Just make sure to keep this guide nearby while you're playing the game so you can be more like me.

Situation: You're crouched in the jungle using your camera to survey an outpost when you hear a growl.

How an amateur handles it: Quickly use an Animal Repellant syringe and finish tagging enemies with your camera. Sneak up to the outpost before the syringe wears off, and proceed as usual.

How a pro handles it: Assume it's nothing, and then act really surprised when a tiger mauls you. Kick it off and sprint into the jungle, running headlong into another tiger. Attract the bandits from the outpost with your panic fire, then stand stationary and wait for them to kill you off so you can reload and try again.

Situation: You're sneaking up on the outpost. Again.

How an amateur handles it: Take a different approach to the outpost because you're obviously in tiger country.

How a pro handles it: Ignore what happened last time and start tagging enemies with your camera again. Freak out when you spot a tiger on your approach to the outpost, and wedge yourself behind a metal sheet wall just outside the compound. Rejoice when the tiger gets distracted by the roaming bandits and starts killing everyone in the outpost. Finish off the sole survivor and reap the XP bonus for remaining undetected.

Situation: You're hiding in the bushes by the side of the road when a car of bandits pulls over and starts shooting at some Komodo dragons.

How an amateur handles it: The perfect distraction! Escape while the bandits are busy shooting the huge reptiles.

How a pro handles it: Move in closer to see what all the ruckus is about. Get spotted by the bandits and become the perfect distraction for the Komodo dragons to escape while the bandits are busy shooting you. Barely manage to dispatch your foes, then die when one of the giant lizards turns around and bites your foot.

Situation: In the middle of a shootout, an enemy throws something at you from a long distance.

How an amateur handles it: Immediately change your position, finding new cover in an area that shields you from the potential blast.

How a pro handles it: Ignore it – there's no way that grenade blast is going to hit you. Continue taking sniper shots until you suddenly catch on fire. Realize in hindsight that the bandit actually threw a molotov cocktail, and the ensuing brush fire burned its way up to your position, surrounding you in deadly flames.

Situation: It sure would be cool to watch a jeep fly off that cliff...

How an amateur handles it: You've got friends to rescue! Ignore the cliff and continue on your mission.

How a pro handles it: Moments like this are what separate the pros from the amateurs! Drive the jeep towards the cliff, then bail out at the last minute. Watch the jeep stall at the edge, then punch it with your knife in a vain attempt to push it over. Get back in the vehicle and try again. Jump out too late, plummeting down the side of the cliff alongside the jeep. Barely survive, and stick around to watch the jeep explode. Get trapped by the brush fire and burn to death. Again.

Situation: You've crafted the largest syringe kit, allowing you to carry 12 vials at a time.

How an amateur handles it: Create a wide range of syringes to aid you in combat, hunting, and exploration.

How a pro handles it: Create 12 health vials. Realize you never really need health vials and that you could use some stat-improving syringes instead. Facepalm as you discover that you can't sell or drop unwanted syringes, and you can't use health vials unless you're injured. Jump off a cliff in hopes of injuring yourself, but realize during the lengthy fall that the cliff is way too big and you are in fact plummeting to your doom.

Situation: You need shark skins for a bigger man purse wallet.

How an amateur handles it: Wade out into shallow water, then use a machine gun to shoot at the incoming sharks.

How a pro handles it: First off, be irrationally afraid of any underwater animal in a video game since that scary eel in Super Mario 64. Try to run sharks over with a jet ski instead of shooting them. Hit one, but lose track of where its body sinks. Dive down a couple of times in vain, then swear loudly as another shark attacks you. Frantically swim back to your jet ski when you realize you can't actually use weapons while swimming, then repeat the entire process.

Situation: You are in a jungle full of wild animals.

How an amateur handles it: Walk around like a lame-o doing amateurish things.

How a pro handles it: Get attacked by every animal in the jungle, all the time, regardless of whether it's supposed to be a hostile species or not. Note: You can't really learn how to be this much of a pro; you're either born this way or you're not.

Still need help? Check out Matt Bertz' Survivor's Guide To Far Cry 3. Have your own humorous Far Cry 3 tips? Share your experiences with your fellow readers in the comments below!