The following article I wrote for The Spudd and published on January 27, 2015.

http://thespudd.com/vaccine-name-changed-on-drunken-bet-anti-vaccers-flock-to-get-kale-injections/

Two of the leading vaccine researchers in America made a wager if changing the name of ‘vaccines’ would have any impact on people’s views towards vaccinations, particularly towards the alt-medicine/anti-vaccine crowds. The biggest challenge was to come up with a term this crowd found appealing.

“Me and Dr. Sing, a really good friend, were out one night getting shit-faced when I came up with the bet,” said Dr. Erik Redmond, the doctor who proposed the bet. “I had two weeks to introduce a new name, yet within that entire time…nothing. Only on the last day did I asked myself ‘what do these people worship the most?’ I thought about it for a while. Researching in every direction. And then, it came. KALE! They fucking worship KALE! Kale. Kale. Kale. Kale Injections! That’s what we will call it!”

“Well, I hate to lose, but the guy came up with a damn good name,” said Dr. Alex Sing, the doctor who accepted the bet. “I thought it was too good to be true. I wanted it to work, but thought it wouldn’t.”

“During the marketing process, we altered the appearance of our doctors into something these people would actually listen to,” said Dr. Erik Redmond. “Dirty hippies attempting to look Native American was the best option while saying this is the new safe approach to ‘cleansing the system’ of all toxins. And to help sell it off perfectly we added a puke/diarrhea green color to the Kale Injection to make it authentic.”

“This is like snorting ginger root and drinking green tea,” said Sherri Wakefield, an anti-vaccine proponent and staunch user of holistic medicine. “All natural and great for the body, but it works so much better. Plus, these Kale Injections cost next to nothing. Oh, and how can I forget, you only need to take them once. We’ll show those people who insist on pumping their children with dangerous toxins found in vaccines.”

“Wish we thought about this earlier,” said Dr. Erik Redmond, who smells like he has not showered for over a month and looks like he just came from a Phish concert. “Think of all the little kids who would still be alive today or not have any permanent health issues.”

“Dr. Redmond saved so many people,” said Dr. Alex Sing. “Well, if you excuse me, I still have to buy him that fruit basket I owe him.”