Over the past few days I haven't been streaming or really doing much of anything really. And I've been covering it up by coming up with excuses as to why I am not streaming... but I've been faced with one very certain truth. I hate myself. I have always hated myself. And anything I've tried to do, whether it was making friends or trying to network or even trying to balance out my personal life. All of it has been a miserable failure. And I really just...don't care anymore. In fact, just earlier today, I actually tried to drown myself in our jacuzzi. I would have actually succeeded too if my brother hadn't interfered. So now here I am, typing this out. I'm not entirely sure what to say here. It will be taken the same way by people. And maybe some might actually say "You need help". I've seen counselors my whole life. I've taken meds my whole life. And it's done little to nothing to actually improve my life. Any "changes" I make or "attempts to better myself" result in me doing something to piss people off. So yeah. I....really just don't care anymore. Say what you will about me, say whatever you want. It's only a matter of time until you never see my face again.