Commander with Nick Wolf: Iroas Bar-Crawl WRITTEN BY Nicholas Wolf

Hello there, men and women, boys and girls, friends, Romans, and countrymen. Lend me your fists. Today, in honor of the impending American holiday of St. Patrick's Day -- tomorrow, on Thursday, March 17 -- we're going to celebrate in the fashion that most befits how most people in this country celebrate - with drunken brawling. Boros is a pretty one-dimensional outfit for the most part. The Boros clan members like to attack, sometimes more than once a turn, and they don't feel happy unless they're running in all directions at once, flailing their red and white arms at any and all comers. And on a holiday known to inspire copious amounts of imbibing, Boros will gain that liquid courage and start taking swings at everybody in your playgroup until everyone else has to team up, take Boros's keys away, and put it down for a nap.

Now, we talked about Boros's one-trick-pony-ism earlier this year in our 2016 Wishlist Article, where we pleaded with Wizards to give us a new Boros commander that didn't care about attacking/blocking. And it seems our pleas were answered, as Wizards read my article and specifically designed Archangel Avacyn just for me.

Sure, it's not a new Squee, but it's still pretty good. We'll look long and hard at what Shadows over Innistrad will bring us in the next few weeks, including whether or not our new Boros-colored planeswalker will be any good with our new Boros commander (Hint: Probably not really). But enough about that - on to the matter at hand.

Iroas, God of Victory

Iroas, God of Victory does not like to lose. It's right there in his name, actually. When we play Iroas, we win. We muster the might of the Boros Legion and we bring flaming torrents of justice down on the miscreants and shred-freaks that comprise our various playgroups until we stand alone amongst a sea of defeated foes. Sure, other people might cheat their way to winning by using nefarious "combos" or by dealing damage in bizarre "non-combat" scenarios, but here in Borostown, USA, we punch. And we punch hard. In the immortal words of the poet and national treasure Montell Jordan, "This is how we do it."

The goal here is to rule over the combat step with an iron fist. If we're not turning our guys sideways (or just pushing them forward vigilantly with Heliod, God of the Sun in play), then things have already gone wrong. The best path to victory when we're battling with Iroas is generally to pick an opponent, then murder that opponent. We can choose which opponent to murder in a variety of ways. Maybe he or she is playing a combo deck that will ruin the integrity of the game, or maybe we just don't like the cut of his or her jib. It really doesn't matter why we choose to arbitrarily destroy a person through relentless combat. We don't make the rules, we just enforce them. And do we ever have plenty of ways to make people dead.

BAR-HOPPING WITH IROAS

This is St. Patty's week, after all, so Iroas needs to blow off some steam. He's been leading the red/white army, and it gets stressful, so for the holiday, he rounds up his favorite lieutenants and orders them to a night of hopping around the various taverns of the multiverse. Things get ugly.

Gisela, Blade of Goldnight - In the Uncharted Rea- er, I mean "Magic Story" they released about SOI, we get to see what Gisela has been up to since we last saw her in Avacyn Restored. It seems like things are about to take a turn for the weird. Gisela seems to have lost her marbles, but maybe a night of gratuitous drinking with Iroas will set things right in that wonky angel brain of hers. Keep in mind that I'm no alcohol scientist, of course. When it comes to battle, we all know that doubling damage to our enemies makes punching twice as fun, and the fact that Gisela halves damage coming at us is just icing on the cupcake. We care a whole lot more about outgoing damage than incoming damage, but it is nice to have a little protection in case we accidentally murder too hard and kill ourselves in the process.

Aurelia, the Warleader - For someone nicknamed the Warleader, Aurelia is surprisingly cool with taking the backseat to Iroas when it comes to who's leading our 99. And when it comes to our Boros pub crawl, she's the one screaming "hit ‘em again!" from the crowd. You may notice a theme in this deck that revolves around bestowing unto ourselves extra combat steps, and Aurelia is great at convincing the group that yes, violence does solve everything.

Brimaz, King of Oreskos - Just because Brimaz is both royalty and a cat does not mean he doesn't want to get a little tipsy on green beer. And when you invite Brimaz to your bar hopping, you know he's going to bring along his favorite cat friends. If I know anything about enjoying Therosian nightlife, it's that everything gets more interesting/weird when you're surrounded by cat people. All they ever order is milk. Brimaz is also a good cat king to have in your corner if people want to come at you, since his feline friends are great at jumping in the way of flying stools and beer bottles.

Purphoros, God of the Forge - One would think that it would be strange to go bar hopping with a bunch of deities, but when it comes to St Patty's Day, the gods of Theros tend to set their differences aside for the sake of ambrosia and street violence. Every time someone new shows up at the pub, Purphoros is there to remind everyone that his friends are the best, and he does that by poking everyone around him in the eyeball for two damage. He also most likely will cause a bunch of property damage with his giant hammer, so if you're afraid of lawsuits, just tell the bartender your name is Xenagos. Nobody likes that guy anyway.

Urabrask the Hidden - Urabrask is that one friend that no matter how many times you invite to come hang out, he's always got an excuse. No thanks, I have a lot of laundry to do. Thanks for thinking of me, but the new House of Cards season just dropped on Netflix. I appreciate it, but I'm busy fighting off a bunch of praetors for control of this metal world. And then, when St. Patrick's Day rolls around, you give him the token gesture of inclusion, and to your surprise, he actually shows up. And immediately after, you remember why he likes to stay home. Things get out of hand, fast. Suddenly all your friends are running around screaming, like a certain red praetor spiked everyone's drinks with speed.

Heliod, God of the Sun - Heliod holds grudges. He still remembers that one time, three years ago, that guy at the bar bumped into him and didn't apologize. That guy is your opponent. Heliod keeps everyone standing straight when the green beer starts making them wobbly, and if things get dicey, he gets on the phone, and suddenly there are a bunch of clerics there to clean up the mess. The mess that SOMEONE BETTER APOLOGIZE FOR.

Tajic, Blade of the Legion - For someone who is ostensibly indestructible, Tajic has a really thin skin. "Um, excuse me, it's pronouncing TAY-IC, not TAJ-IC, I'll thank you to remember that." Everyone gets it wrong, and with each subsequent mispronunciation (and weird Ravnican cocktail), Tajic gets a little madder and a little more prone to violence. And when his friends start to egg him on, suddenly little Tajic becomes MONSTER TAYIC, and you'd definitely be spending the night in jail if Tajic wasn't also the chief of police.

Odric, Master Tactician - Bar crawls actually take a lot of effort to pull off. Someone has to be there with a level head to keep track of all the logistics, otherwise it would quickly devolve into a bunch of drunk gods and super powerful warriors wandering around the streets of the multiverse kicking over mailboxes and chasing the neighbor's dog around the park. Odric is here to make sure everything stays on plan, so when the fights inevitably erupt, no one is going to get outmatched. The secret to a successful fight is to always attack the person you know you can beat, and Odric ensures none of his friends bite off more than they can chew.

COMBAT COMBO

We already talked about Aurelia's propensity for finding the line of acceptable violence, then crossing it without looking back, but we've got plenty of other ways to turn our one lone combat phase per turn into the last combat phase of the game. When you're hitting the bottle as hard as this group is, you will find it difficult to say no to wanton brawling. Bar fights are like potato chips - you can't just stop at one.

There are several cards in this list that give us extra combat steps, and since combat is the only way this deck can win (and combat is the only way any deck should win) we're basically doing the same thing as those evil combo decks. A lot of these cards do the same thing, like the aforementioned Aurelia, as well as World at War, Seize the Day, Hellkite Charger, Scourge of the Throne, and Aggravated Assault. We want to get in the red zone, but we also want to stay there forever.

If you guys and gals are planning on hitting the town for a night of green-hued, shamrock fueled, dollar store novelty glasses donning debauchery this week, just remember - you aren't a centaur god of combat, so stay safe out there. The world is a dangerous place. That's why we have the Boros Legion in the first place, to protect us from ourselves. Until next time, kids.

CREATURES

Iroas, God of Victory

Knight of the White Orchid

Gisela, Blade of Goldnight

Legion Loyalist

Scourge of the Throne

Hero of Oxid Ridge

Relic Seeker

Precinct Captain

Angel of Jubilation

Firemane Avenger

Stoneforge Mystic

Figure of Destiny

Aurelia, the Warleader

Hero of Bladehold

Magus of the Wheel

Mirran Crusader

Hellkite Charger

Stormbreath Dragon

Balefire Liege

Hellrider

Soltari Guerrillas

Brimaz, King of Oreskos

Archetype of Aggression

Solemn Simulacrum

Sun Titan

Nobilis of War

Purphoros, God of the Forge

Urabrask the Hidden

Goblin Wardriver

Weapons Trainer

Heliod, God of the Sun

Stonehewer Giant

Duergar Hedge-Mage

Tajic, Blade of the Legion

Odric, Master Tactician

ARTIFACTS

Sensei's Divining Top

Boros Signet

Sword of Fire and Ice

Sol Ring

Mask of Memory

Godsend

Sword of Light and Shadow

Sword of Feast and Famine

Masterwork of Ingenuity

Sword of War and Peace

Sword of the Animist

ENCHANTMENTS

Oblivion Ring

Legion's Initiative

Hammer of Purphoros

Spear of Heliod

Glory of Warfare

Aggravated Assault

PLANESWALKERS

Elspeth, Knight-Errant

Gideon, Ally of Zendikar

INSTANTS

Return to Dust

Path to Exile

Boros Charm

Master Warcraft

Swords to Plowshares

Enlightened Tutor

Wear//Tear

SORCERIES

World at War

Seize the Day

Wrath of God

Steelshaper's Gift

LANDS

10 Plains

7 Mountain

Sacred Foundry

Nykthos, Shrine to Nyx

Wind-Scarred Crag

Boros Guildgate

Plateau

Battlefield Forge

Command Tower

Rugged Prairie

Sea Gate Wreckage

Buried Ruin

Boros Garrison

Sunhome, Fortress of the Legion

Rogue's Passage

Clifftop Retreat

Temple of Triumph

Arid Mesa

Slayers' Stronghold

Flamekin Village

Nicholas Wolf is a writer who lives in Flint, Michigan. He's been playing Magic: The Gathering since Tempest and still doesn't consider Urza's Saga to be broken at all. He prefers building decks that have either have 40 cards (Limited), 100 cards (Commander), or 50 cards (Tiny Leaders).

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