As I’m writing this, I’m still experiencing some physiological effects from rehashing this brief period in my life. My heart is palpitating, and it’s clear that even years later, I continue to feel anxiety about these experiences.

At the time I was being harassed, a mix of strong emotions, combined with the fact that my harasser was my direct superior, tainted my ability to think clearly. But reflecting on things now, and because sexual harassment is so prevalent in the Valley, I feel compelled to share some of the things I wish I had known:

Sexual harassment is never your fault.

During the HR investigation that ensued, I remember being shamed by a female colleague who thought I was blowing the situation out of proportion. She thought I was being overly sensitive, and that it was wrong of me to report my manager. That hurt. I thought she would’ve naturally supported me.

I remember thinking to myself, “Did I do something to encourage this kind of behavior?” I had uncomfortably laughed at some of the sexual comments my manager had made because I didn’t know how else to react as a junior member of the team. Should I not have done that?

In hindsight and with more experience, I now can say, “Yes, I shouldn’t have tolerated even a little bit of misogyny or mistreatment. I should’ve immediately given him feedback that it made me feel extremely uncomfortable.”

But regardless of my own reactions, the fact remains that sexual harassment should never have happened in the first place.

Sexual harassment is intolerable and should not be permitted anywhere, least of all the place where you spend most of your waking hours. Your company owes it to you to make sure that your work environment is a safe space, where you can maximize your ability to work as a productive member of society.

Protect yourself and others. Report it to HR.

It took me a long time to muster up the courage to go to our HR department and file a formal complaint. I was scared to report him.

The doubts swirled around in my head. I didn’t want to hurt my manager’s career or get him fired. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe I really was being too sensitive. He did good work and was well-respected on our team — what would happen to my team if he was heavily disciplined or even fired? What if his wife found out?

It felt paradoxical to me that I felt both extreme anger and empathy for him at the same time.

What eventually swayed me toward going to HR was thinking of the other women on the team he might be also be behaving grotesquely toward.

If I didn’t speak up, would they?

Ultimately, I felt responsible for doing something. If someone else was sexually harassed by him down the road, in a way, their suffering would be on me.

The ensuing investigation was unpleasant. I had to be as specific as possible about all the infractions, the details, and the timelines. I had to recount any potential witnesses, for corroboration purposes. I felt humiliated. I cried.

As difficult as it was, knowing that my actions might induce a behavioral change and protect other people down the line helped me through it. I felt lucky to have a great HR business partner guide me through the process, and to have HR take my complaint seriously and follow up with disciplinary action.