Hey welcome back to my page! I just got done with an intense offering/prayer to my ancestors. Whew, the tears shed from the grave are the most powerful of all. I can write an entry on my ancestral works sometime, just ask and you shall receive.





While they are quite impressive, my ancestors are not the focal point of this post, so lets begin.





I want to talk about silence, and how it affects us. There is a call to silence when you're in a meditative state which is the listening side of prayer. You're listening to your God, for answers and insight. That silence is glorious af, and incredibly profound but- that's not what I'm talking about today. In this moment, the silence I'm referring to is the silence provoked by an outsider attempting to infiltrate your peace. Did someone just come to mind? Yeah, me too. A couple someones- I might add.









Allow me to paint a few pictures for you- Painting A. I get to practice parallel parenting with my abuser. 'Nuff said. Painting B. A friend of mine turned on me when I set a boundary after confiding in her about my sexual assault. She wanted me to drop my pain to help her with hers and when I couldn't do that for her, she abandoned me and attempted to tear me down via DMs. Fuckin siiiiick. Painting C. After years of deliberation and prayer, I came to the conclusion that a "friend" of mine didn't have what it takes to call herself a friend of mine, so I walked away. Her response was to throw dirt on my name to others, in group settings, while I was present. (There are more paintings but I'm honestly not ready to showcase them just yet.) Nasty right? I find that some people when they feel exposed, lash out like a frightened dog. Its only human, and I'd be a damn lie if I said I have never done that before- but we grow up and learn that the truth hurts, and we can either heal or stay bitter. One of the major roles our ego plays is that of protection- but thats a whole 'nutha post for a different time.





The thing that all of these issues have in common is that in order to navigate through their sickness, I had to first acknowledge and understand that it is all, in fact, their sickness. Their reactions had and still have (because at the time of writing this, these people are still on their shit.) virtually nothing to do with me. The other commonalities I found were that they all at some point or another, benefitted from my self-doubt, my lack of self-love; self-preservation. I fed something in each of them. Maybe I made them feel like they had a purpose- maybe they weren't initially coming from a malevolent place; they just didn't know how to love, or accept love. I don't know, which is fine because it ain't my business to know. What I do know is that when I took my power back, they flipped the fuck out. Red flag af. (obviously in the case of my abuser I'm not over here trying to understand why he hurt me.I just know he is not safe. No matter what.)









So what did I do in the face off all this bullshit? I remained silent. The source I pulled from in order to keep that silence, was my intention. My intent was never to harm anyone. You know the saying "Do no harm, but take no shit"? Well that was/is my mantra. I knew in my heart of hearts the decisions I made about these relationships was not a "fuck you" to them, not even to my abuser. Acting on the impulse to hurt someone because they hurt you is tempting, but for me- absolutely poisonous. I didn't go there. I didn't end the friendship at her, do you understand what I mean? I didn't move on, or set clear ass boundaries at him. I did it all, for me. In favor of my divinity. All that other shit, is human shit, low vibrational shit. I couldn't and can't afford to go there. When my intention is set to return + restore peace to myself, and my world, the need to defend myself dissipates because against what am I defending? My right to live autonomously? My right to be fed by higher frequencies? My right to enjoy the sun in my life? Bitch, I owe you nothing; I owe myself everything. We aren't biting the hook here in 2020- we're growing. We are evolving.





Silence is power because the more they act out, the clearer it all becomes. They spread the hate, and you get to watch who gets infected and who doesn't- which then enables you to make note of who is a follower, and who is not; who has evolved and who has yet to. What I'm saying to ya'll right now is- let the fire of their negativity and ill-will, light the way for you. Understand that it's not you, it's them. It's their fear of inadequacy that keeps them sick. The bible (though I am not christian) says, "..let the dead bury the dead." That shit applies here. You're out there, choosing life, if they want to take from you when you're weakened; if they only call you when they need a refill, if they only make an effort when they can see the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow- let them bury themselves. They always will.









I love you all so much. I want each one of you to wake the fuck up to your power and begin the lifelong journey of controlling that power, and serve up what is good for you and yours.









Fucking blessings to you, my family <3





-Ky



















