It started with oranges.

*Sigh*

See, I liked oranges, a lot; Oranges had become very reinforcing to me. So I started eating 3 oranges a day for probably 6 months…until, I could not eat another orange. I ate oranges until suddenly, oranges were disgusting.

It probably didn’t start with oranges, but this was the first time I really recognized my compulsive tendencies. Many people enter therapy with their goal being to gain insight. I think that insight is great! Insight can help us accept quirky characteristics, or push us to change maladaptive behaviors.

My definition of insight is having an understanding of why we do the things we do. I’m going to focus this article on how I gained personal insight into my compulsive and impulsive tendencies and learned to embrace these characteristics for the purpose I found they serve in my life.

I just googled compulsive behavior and got a litany of results about obsessive-compulsive disorder and behavior addictions. Psychology really does focus on the worst case scenarios, doesn’t it? I’m not downplaying these very real conditions, but what about those of us who have been able to turn compulsive behavior, or any other “negative” tendency, into a productive facet of our life?

I overindulge in things that make me happy; in ways that may sometimes be considered compulsive. Oranges are the only food I can remember compulsively eating (I do drink a lot of coffee though); but I also enjoy hobbies. I enjoy hobbies so much that I do them until I no longer enjoy them.

I know how to re-purpose furniture, make clay beads, make clay figurines, paint little memory boxes, sew clothes, sew tote bags, write, garden and probably a bunch more skills that I no longer remember having ever caught my attention. When I find a new hobby, I want to do it all the time. My excitement is always the same:

“This is it! I love doing this! I’m good at this! This is what I was meant to do!”

This frustrates others; after all, they know that I’ll be dropping said hobby in a few months, possibly even a few days. If you try to interfere with my hobby time, I get upset. It’s hard for them to be supportive of every endeavor my mind latches on to. I’ve also come to accept that most of my hobbies will be dropped. We all have learnt not to spend a lot of money on my hobbies.

Compulsive behaviors have also manifested themselves through what topics I read about. As a kid, I really wanted a miniature horse and so I spent weeks researching the benefits of having them in order to prepare a speech for the city council, as they would need to approve my miniature horse ownership in our small suburban town. Luckily for my parents, one day I woke up and no longer wanted a miniature horse. Suddenly though, I wanted a Great Dane…and then that became a rescue Greyhound… until one day, I woke up and didn’t want either of them. But I still know a lot about miniature horses, Great Danes and Greyhounds, just as I still know how to re-purpose furniture, make beads, sew a beautiful outfit or tote bag and create a garden.

Psychology has been the only endeavor I have stuck with consistently for nearly 15 years, which I attribute to there being so many different facets of the field. I have been blessed with finding ways to avoid doing the same thing every day because, I also hate routines. Working a 9-5 job was absolute torture to me; I constantly had to find ways of overcoming my boredom, every day. Others I have met embrace routines and structure; you guys amaze me, and sometimes I am envious.

It was after trying to return to the 9-5 world, after 2 years of making my own schedule and being fairly independent, that I realized my compulsive and impulsive tendencies serve a very real purpose in my life; to avoid a perpetual feeling of boredom that sets in so easily.

A vicious cycle for me has been boredom and motivation. Once I become bored, it becomes very difficult for me to find motivation to continue whatever it is I’m supposed to be doing.

You may have noticed a common theme among my hobbies. I like creating things; this can be a simple widget out of Popsicle sticks or something more meaningful… like a tote bag.

The act of creating something is my hobby. Changing the means of creating, functions to escape and avoid boredom. I believe a lot of creative minds function the same way. That’s not to imply that I can’t cope with routine and mundane living needs; I can, as long as I have something novel on the side; at times, I have to create this novelty by developing new ways of doing things.

For example, I develop a new way of writing my letters to entertain myself if I have a lot of handwritten work to do; or I change my pattern of getting ready in the morning, brushing my teeth first instead of washing my face. These small things help me when I’m feeling life is becoming monotonous. If I wasn’t able to find ways of coping with routine activity, then this would have a serious impact on my daily functioning and would become a real problem for me.

I am happiest though when I am learning a new skill, or exploring a new hobby.

Many of us, dare I say all of us, have some aspect of ourselves that make us uncomfortable; we may not share these thoughts/feelings with others out of a fear they won’t understand, which can leave us feeling alone in our experiences. I’ve been lucky enough to have seen other people doing the same things I do to entertain themselves while completing boring tasks, so I know I’m not alone. I find these tendencies humorous at times.

I’m well aware that had I been introduced to other choices in my life, such as cocaine instead of coffee, these compulsive tendencies may have led to a whole different lifestyle for me, and if I think too much about that, it truly does scare me. At the same time, it has really helped me understand how addiction happens. If I have to be honest, I must admit that at times my compulsive tendencies have impacted my choices negatively; like the time I quit a job that I truly enjoyed because I forgot that people take vacations. Or when I’ve experienced panic attacks because I have been drinking 12 cups of coffee a day.

But at this point in my life, I have embraced my compulsiveness and learned ways of effectively monitoring it without suppressing my desire to create things.

What parts of yourself make you uncomfortable? Can these tendencies be transformed into positive ways of living? Are you already using these tendencies for positive ways of living?

When behaviors create negativity, we need to change the role they play. Through insight, we can decide whether an action is maladaptive or if it serves a purpose; and if we find it has become maladaptive, then we can change our actions.

From a behavioral point of view, insight is developed by understanding the patterns of behavior and the functions of those behaviors. Everything we do serves some kind of purpose. The more you are able to recognize what that purpose is, the easier it becomes to adapt and change.

Check out Understanding behavior is the key to change for a brief overview of behavioral therapy.