BRITAIN is on the brink of a golden age where the majority of the population is fat.

The country is expected to pass the magic number of 50 percent obesity sooner than believed, paving the way for a government of the fat.

Weight consultant, Julian Cook, said: The easiest way to prevent the imminent ban on sugar is a fat majority.

Vote lemonade and Monster Munch, vote pillowy mounds of glorious human flesh.

I’m looking forward to ‘no fruit Fridays’ and a multi-million pound NHS campaign called Cheese It!.

And, of course, a tax system which punishes cyclists without mercy.

He added: Were conditioned to believe that fat is bad because the thin control the agenda. The thin hate humanity and want there to be less of it by overall volume.

Martin Bishop, from Stevenage, said: I like to think Ill be magnanimous, but I wont be.

I cant wait to call someone a thin bastard. Ill be like have another tangerine, you big hatstand.

And then Ill hound them from mainstream society.