As part of the 1916 Centenary celebrations Fine Gael plans to exhume the bodies of the leaders of the 1916 Rising and execute them again, “to be sure”.

The first “Re-Execution” is planned to take place on April 1st and the ceremony has been put out to tender. What’s left of James Connolly will be strapped to a chair before being shot by ammunition found at the end of the runway in Shannon.

The chair will be produced on a 3D printer as part of 1916-2016 Innov82gether celebration of entrepreneurship promoted by Minister for Doing My Confirmation Simon Harris. The chair will later be donated to Beaumont Hospital A&E to ‘alleviate trolley wait times’.

Minister of Defence Simon Coveney announced the Re-Execution celebrations which will be undertaken as part of a joint IBEC/ISME ‘History Going Forward’ hashtag event. Minister for Foreign Affairs, Charlie Flanagan, expressed his desire to get Prince Charles to fire the first shot as part of a cleansing apologia from the nation for past wrongs done to Britain.

Full details are not available yet as the ceremonies will be put out to tender in a Public Private Partnership venture expected to bring experience, marketing and initial funding on board ahead of long term losses for the taxpayer and acute embarrassment for later governments.

A Labour spokesperson commented that if it wasn’t for Labour then Fine Gael would have shot him harder.

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