Many mothers in the UK are celebrating an official vindication of their right not to breastfeed by the Royal College of Midwives – but sadly, it’s likely that women will still feel judged, whatever decision they make.

As the Royal College of Midwives said, “The decision of whether or not to breastfeed is a woman’s choice and must be respected.”

Women should definitely have the choice either way. Breastfeeding is an extremely time-consuming activity, requiring the use of intimate parts of a woman’s body. The right not to breastfeed is intertwined with self-ownership and the control we have over our own bodies. We do not give up these rights just because we become mothers.

Yet many women feel pressure, whatever they choose. On the one hand, they feel pressure to breastfeed or justify their use of infant formula. If you try to breastfeed and don’t succeed, you can feel like a failure as a mother. On the other hand, many women feel pressure to stop breastfeeding, because they feel shamed for not being discreet enough, for breastfeeding too often or for too long.

I’ve been on both sides. I have sat in a hospital bed, sobbing silently while I listened to the women in the next cubicle happily telling the nurse that her son was “such a hungry boy”. I could not get my daughter to latch. There was milk there, but we could not get it out. I was doing it wrong. I thought I was wrong.

After a lot of persistence and help from an amazing lactation consultant, we did end up breastfeeding. Unfortunately, I still wasn’t very good at it. My baby would stop mid-feed to have a look around, exposing my nipples. There was leaking breast milk – heck, there was sometimes breastfeeding shooting across the room. I was not discreet enough.

Then I was a pro. I could stand by the side of a roundabout, holding a breastfeeding child in one hand while giving a snack to another child with the other hand while I was looking out to flag down a friend’s car with the third eye that all mothers have in the back of their heads. (Yes, this really happened.) But I still felt judged: for feeding too long and too much.

A toxic context of guilt, shame and judgment surrounding infant feeding makes it difficult for health professionals to do what most want to do, which is to support all women and their babies.

Breastfeeding in public controversies Show all 11 1 /11 Breastfeeding in public controversies Breastfeeding in public controversies A woman has sparked a heated debate among parents after she revealed that she breastfeeds both her and her friend's son. Jessica Colletti, from Pennsylvania, said nursing Charlie Interrante's son “seemed like the natural thing to do” because she was already breastfeeding her son. Colletti told the Mama Bean parenting blog that she asked permission to nurse Interrante’s son when she began looking after him, after they met at a photoshoot for new mothers. Interrante agreed as her son had not taken to formula milk Breastfeeding in public controversies New Hampshire State Rep. Josh Moore said on Facebook that men should be allowed to grab the nipples of breastfeeding mothers if the law banning women exposing their breasts did not pass Breastfeeding in public controversies When Gemma Colley's photo of her son with fake tan on his fake after she breastfeed him went viral, she also saw that no parent is alone when they make a silly mistake. Over 100,000 people liked and 40,000 people shared Ms Colley’s photo of her son’s sleepy face with fake tan encircling his mouth and nose, after she posted it to the Unmumsy Mum Facebook page Breastfeeding in public controversies A candid image of a mother breastfeeding her young child while using the toilet has divided parents online, as some argue it’s an honest depiction of parenthood, while others have labelled it “disgusting” Breastfeeding in public controversies The exclusive Claridge’s hotel has been widely criticised for asking a woman to cover herself with a “ridiculous shroud” while breastfeeding her three-month-old daughter. Lousie Burns said she burst into tears when staff members at the five-star venue asked her to cover herself and her baby with an oversized napkin in order to avoid “causing offence” to other guests Breastfeeding in public controversies An Australian café has been praised for sticking up for a breastfeeding mother after a customer told her to cover up. Jessica-Anne Allen, owner of Cheese and Biscuits Café in Queensland, Australia, has described how she was approached by a male customer in the café to complain that he was upset by a woman in the coffee shop breastfeeding her child nearby. The customer asked the café owner, 29, to tell the mother to cover up. When Mrs Allen refused to do so, he took matters into his own hands and challenged the woman himself. Staff at the café then asked the man to leave Breastfeeding in public controversies A woman who claimed a Primark security guard had forcibly removed her child while she was breastfeeding has admitted to perverting the course of justice. Caroline Starmer sparked a series of headlines after claiming on Facebook that a store guard had taken her nine-month-old daughter Paige away from her. The mother from Leicester then repeated her claims in a number of interviews, before Primark denied the incident and handed CCTV over to the police to show there was no evidence to support the allegations. Appearing in Leicester Crown Court, she admitted the charge of perverting the course of justice by not telling the truth Breastfeeding in public controversies Pope Francis has become an unlikely advocate for public breastfeeding, by encouraging mothers to feed their babies in the Sistine Chapel. During a ceremony in Vatican City on Sunday, the Pope baptised 32 babies and told their mothers: “If they are hungry, mothers, feed them, without thinking twice, because they are the most important people here” Breastfeeding in public controversies Facebook has changed its community guidelines to allow users to post photos of breastfeeding. The change comes as the wide-ranging #FreeTheNipple online campaign has built pace in its attack against guidelines used by social media websites to regulate nudity – from photos of breastfeeding to topless photos post by singer Rihanna’s on her now defunct Instagram account. Facebook’s Community Standards, which outline what users are allowed to post, never included a outright ban on photos of breastfeeding Breastfeeding in public controversies The manager of a public swimming pool at the Lux Park centre in Liskeardhas been forced to apologise after he told a mother to stop breastfeeding her son by the waterside. 23-year-old Rebecaa Hough of Torpoint, Cornwall, was feeding 10-month-old Max a few steps from the main pool, when the manager told her to carry on in the changing rooms in case the infant was sick into the water. She was also told that she should not to return for half an hour to ensure the milk was fully digested Breastfeeding in public controversies A Conservative MP has claimed allowing women to breastfeed in the House of Commons chamber would expose politicians to “tabloid ridicule”. Sir Simon Burns, a former transport minister, spoke on what he called a “controversial subject” in a debate in making Westminster more family-friendly

I became interested in infant feeding decisions professionally. As a philosopher, I learnt that there are mistakes in our thinking when it comes to parenting decisions in general and how people feed their babies in particular. There is this background assumption that we have to justify these decisions, to show that we’re not doing it wrong. But no one needs to justify to anyone else whether they feed breast milk, infant formula, or a mixture. That’s why I founded the No Shame Campaign, to try and use philosophy to help reduce shame and guilt for mothers.

And if we focus only on guilt and pressure to breastfeed, we're missing an even more important message in the Royal College of Midwives' statement today: the need for more investment in postnatal care services and specialist midwives. Midwives need to be able to provide the support all parents deserve.