1. When you buy expensive lingerie and then the lights are off anyway, so he doesn't even notice. I mean, you could have worn empty Whoppers wrappers under your clothes and he still wouldn't have noticed.

2. When the guy sleeps on a disgusting floor mattress like you're both characters in RENT. We're in our late 20s. I have back problems. Assuming we want to bang and not stay up all night melodramatically Burning Your Old Screenplays, that shit ain't gonna fly.

3. When the guy has a sketchy roommate. Who you worry listens to you guys have sex from his room. Who's always sweaty. Why are they always so sweaty?

4. When the guy is like, "I can only use Magnums," and you're like, "LOLOLOLOLOL," but feel like you can't wound his pride. Aim for the stars or whatever, but come on, dude.

5. The dilemma of au natural vs. waxing. Or shaving, or Nairing (ugh, do not Nair, do not make the same mistakes that I've made. When Colonal Kurtz says, "The horror, the horror," just before dying in Heart of Darkness, he was referring to what your vulva will look like after an intense homemade Brazilian via Nair.)

6. Having to warn the guy you're casually dating that you're on your period. "Hey, I know we barely know each other at this point and you haven't even seen me without makeup yet, but I feel like I should warn you before we have sex that my vagina is bleeding, ANYHOO, how was work?"

7. When the guy expects you to put the condom on him. It just feels ... weird to me? In a casual situation? Put it on yourself.

8. Everything about Plan B. Oh my GOD, it makes me fart. And I'm not one of those adorable little girls who can fart or burp and it's still ~*~aDoRaBle.~*~**~*

9. Balls.

strong>10. Poor sense of clitoris location.

OK, women are all different, but was your last girlfriend's clit on her elbow, or, like, what?

11. Unsophisticated fingering. I ... just can't.

12. Unreciprocated blow jobs. Truly the stuff of rom-com villains. When something you do is the same thing a rom-com villain would do, it's time to re-evaluate your bedroom etiquette, broseph.

13. Being judged on your personal choice to swallow or not. It shouldn't be offensive to the guy if a woman doesn't.

14. When he tries not to use a condom. #NOPE.

15. When you sleep over and have to figure out how not to look and/or feel gross in the morning.

16. When you forget certain key makeup/toiletries that you'll need the next morning if you sleep over. And wind up looking like a hag at work the next day.

17. Whiskey dick. Ain't nothing worse.

18. Carrying around overnight shit in your purse because you don't want to scare him off by leaving it at his house. Otherwise known as "I'm the roving turtle-woman with a box of tampons for a shell."

19. Not coming every time. I MEAN.

20. Not coming every time and having the guy call you abnormal for it. You're right, I'm abnormal. I once got splashed by a pool of weird chemical-water and now I can melt into different shapes, oh, and by the way, I'm Alex Mack.

21. When you do or do not fake it. Let's all just never!

22. Diaphragms are weird. They're sort of mom-ish.

23. Dental dams are weirder. I don't even ...

24. Queefing. Like a fart, but from a place that is supposed to be beautiful.

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Photo Credit: Getty

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