Guys, my actual emotions. My actual freaking emotions.

This was just an outstanding episode of television, with revelations, frustrations and heartbreak abound.

Lil Foster is still trapped in prison, with no lines, but lots of action. He beats his head against the bars of his cell until by morning, he’s apparently passed out. It’s a neat touch that his cell mate thinks it’s screwed up Lil Fos is even in prison because of county jail overcrowding. It’s a neater touch how the other prisoners cheer Lil Fos on when he launches his assault on the guards, as soon as his cell door is open.

He rampages, drags one grown ass man by the ankle like he’s a toy, but the skilled prison guards swoop in on him and relatively non-violently manage to force him into a restraint chair.

Later he’s in a sort of time out, sat facing a wall in a corridor, still restrained. It’s not solitary, really, he’s not in a little room. He prays in Shay Gaelic and, naturally, an eeeeevil prison guard stops by to promise they’ll break Lil Fos eventually.

I wonder how fast before one gang tries to recruit him against another and he accidentally ends up as their new leader.

I just want him back up the mountain.

At Ledda’s, Wade sends the kids off to bed and drops what feels like a foreshadowing warning about the girls new, unvaccinated cat — not ideal for Ledda if she might be immune-compromised later.

He asks when Ledda will tell the kids about her cancer, but she’s eerily calm and feels God has a plan for her. If I was Wade, I might point out that I, Wade, Ledda, Wade, would be the children’s sole guardian if she’s not around. She thinks the cancer is a message from God to spend her remaining time well. If we’re going down that path, Breece’s death was, surely?

Wade promises he’ll take care of the treatment and the next morning finds him in Haylie’s office chasing Breece’s healthcare since he worked for her after all., Wade explains how very sick Ledda is and Haylie seems genuinely sad for their situation.

Who did she suck a human soul out of? Haylie, who is having her own family troubles as she’s away from home, explains the healthcare only kicked in after a few months, and Breece didn’t work there that long. A combative Wade thinks her sudden attention to her computer is rudeness, but we see her screen and the quick edit she makes. She brightly explains that, golly gee, look at that. Someone recorded Breece’s start date wrong and turns out he did, in fact, work long enough to get the insurance. All she asks (for now, Wade) is thanks and Wade sheepishly does and leaves.

D’aaw! She’s totally up to something but I don’t care, Ledda and the kids get healthcare.

Except…Wade learns that even with the co-pay Ledda needs to produce $135,000 dollars out of pocket. Oooooooooooooooooh my god.

Seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeethe.

Later, Wade is trying to sell his house, the one he just a few days before wanted so badly to keep. Aaw man, this storyline is going to destroy me. The realtor is kindly handling the sale with absolutely no fees, so Wade will get the full cheque. But without renovations, the house is worth at most 15 grand.

My heart. My heart hurts. I need to break things.

It just gets worse. He goes later to buy aspirin and when the bill is high, he learns it’s his prescription from the hospital. His Oxy.

Fuck. He takes it.

Double FUCK.

He tries to upsell the money situation to Ledda, promising he’ll take a second job and cover the rest, they’ll cut out some expenses. Ledda doesn’t want treatment, months of agony to die poor anyway. Wade mentions the kids, but in her … frame of mind, Ledda calmly declares God has a plan for them, and Wade, too.

Wade is in the bathroom, contemplating his pills. He carefully takes out two, and looks very, very ready to take them. And I need to talk about this whole thing; if he’s in physical pain, its not showing. He’s been managing with aspirin. He doesn’t need oxy. But …he does, because of course, it’s not the pain. And, the situation is so tempting. After all, it’s a doctor-given prescription. He has a broken arm; who would judge him for medicating that? He’s in pain, isn’t he? And sure, he’ll feel great, but that’s not his fault if he’s really, really in pain.

His addiction started because of a very real back injury. Addicts can always justify their actions, especially in a situation like this. He wouldn’t even have to lie about needing it.

Thomas M. Wright plays that out in his eyes, just his eyes and while I die of rapture, he’s interrupted. Caleb is asking if he’s okay, thinking his dad is sick. Wade sends him away, promising he’s fine, and throws his pills, all of his pills, down the toilet.

If it’s grim for Wade, it’s downright devastating for poor, little Sally Anne. She has to drive out to Lexington to Planned Parenthood, lying to borrow her asshole brother’s car to make the trip.

At her appointment, she’s offered a pill to abort the pregnancy if she’s still early enough, but state law requires the doctor to discuss adoption alternatives, and Sally Anne has to wait 24 hours before she can get it. She can’t return, and the doctor is genuinely truly sympathetic, but bound by state law. The law also requires Sally Anne to wait 24 hours after this appointment before she can have any abortion procedures, but Sally can’t come back. It’s all moot anyway; the pill costs eight hundred dollars, any other options cost more, unless Sally Anne can get out of state. Which … no.

Seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I’m not even going to rant, because I wont stop. It’s so, so screwed up what happens to people under that healthcare system. If you can even call it that. Poor Ledda. Poor Sally Anne.

Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaage.

Sally Anne arrives home very late to her fucking piece of shit brother who found her pregnancy test, and goes straight to violence. She’s not out of the car and speeds off while he screams after her she can never come home.

Later, she tries to drink bleach.

Okay, give me a fucking second here, I need to go and…do something else.

Okay. Okay, I’m back. She can’t, thankfully, but she does try to crash the car into a tree.

I need another break.

I want to take care of this poor girl. She can’t go through with it and turns the wheel at the last second, and traps the car in heavy undergrowth. As she weeps, a butterfly appears, and Sally Anne turns to see that ghostly little Farrell girl, Spirit of the Mountain. She holds out her hand, and Sally Anne takes it, following her up the mountain.

Holy mercy, my heart.

Speaking of the father, Hasil is trying to retrieve that quad bike that conveniently crashed so they could find Asa. The barricades are joined now by a completely, utterly impossible, miles long chain link fence encircling most of the mountain and HOW. DID THIS HAPPEN? IN A DAY??

Gah!

Hasil shows Gwen and worries they can’t make runs down to the town. Fine she says, they can go back to living off the mountain. But, they’re cut off from prime fishing and hunting ground too, Hasil explains. Gwen, who has forgotten yesterdays warning that they are all going to starve to death, delivers the now much less badass warning from the trailers, that it’s not the Farrells who are trapped up here, but here, but the townsfolk trapped down there.

Very, very literally, Gwen, no. No they are not.

Egad.

He vents about Big Foster, but Gwen claims she’s not stupid and has a plan, sending Hasil off to explore the fence, making him promise not to start any trouble.

Hasil immediately starts some trouble.

I love him so much.

He and his cousins steal back the quad bike, acrobatically fending off a few downtown folks in the process. Gwen isn’t exactly pleased, despite them retrieving a much needed vehicle, but he points out to her if she wants trust she has to give it, too.

Okay now go and find Sally Anne, dude.

And, now, the ‘oh shit’ storyline.

After crashing the party, Big Foster was taken to rest, and tossed the Kinnah out of his home. At dawn he returns with everyone else at dawn, for a Circle — Farrell court, for all intents.

Big Foster arrives and with no prompting, admits he murdered his mother and took the Oak with an impure heart. He tells them they have their right to banish him, and trusts his fate entirely to the Elders and Gwen, the Bren’in. He asks no quarter or mercy. It’s powerful.

If it’s a play, it’s genius. If it’s real, I am all the way in. The Elders move to banish at once, but Gwen wants time to think.

I would have hoped she would order him down the mountain to confess about Breece as a show of good faith to the Losties (down the mountain folk, as well as the ones like Asa, who leave). Big Foster is taken to rest, but not before Hasil admits to the mans face how much he’d like to kill him.

Big Foster says it would be his right, his or Asa’s.

He learns Asa’s fate and seems genuinely aghast, asking to be taken to his grave and while there he … well holy shit, he prays and smears his face in the mud, like he did with Lady Ray. Like he did with Elon.

Wait … no way … no freaking way?!

The cronies suggest letting Lostie Asa rot, prompting Big Foster’s quiet threat that they never again speak that way about … his son.

Oh my GOD.

Okay, so turns out, David Morse, and just David Morse, was told in season one. It underlined all his scenes with Asa, he knew, but no one else did. No other Farrell does, either.

Incredible. That is deft, magical story telling. Absolutely incredible. The whole time, Big Foster was feeling not just threatened by Asa, but betrayed. His kid, his son, a survivor, capable, just as cutthroat as Big Foster, but far more intelligent …. who left them for the worst thing they know; the real world. Who wanted to kill him. Who did, as far as Asa knew, killed him. And now, Big Foster has lost two sons in such a short time. I wonder if he saw Asa in Elon.

I am so angry Asa is gone. I want those scenes. I need those scenes. I maintain my indecision over Asa’s true fate. Big Foster has seen ghosts before. And in fact, later, this becomes interesting.

Gwen is having an amazingly involved conversation with Morgan about clan business, Gwen … she got there yesterday. God damn it.

Gwen suspects that obviously Big Foster has a plan. She thinks by owning up to his sins he’s making her look like the villain if she sends him away . Yeah, no. Everyone hates him, Gwen, you’d be pretty solid, but whatever. Morgan points out banishment only works if he stays gone, and doesn’t quite suggest killing him, but it’s there.

She’s so evil, Gwen, come on!

Gwen, in her healer role, goes to deliver Big Foster a salve. He asks after Lil Foster, and in a subtle moment asks if she’s certain Asa is dead. She is, but like I said, this is interesting. This show loves its ghosts.

In a hilariously oblivious moment he talks about his awful captivity, and how he hopes Gwen never suffers thus. Dude, do you not remember your entire marriage? She gets it. Trust.

He asks for privacy and tells her he forgives her trying to murder him a whole bunch, and understands she was fighting for the clan. He says it’s why she’s the right choice for Bren’in.

Is she? Cos Lil Foster ….

Big Foster confesses his love for her, promises he’s changed, though again he’s not outright asking for a chance or for mercy, just stating his case. She doesn’t trust him and he promises he’ll show her with actions, not words.

She leaves, and when alone with his men he demands all the camp guns be brought to him.

While he waits, he visits Emily to ask after the Kinnah, who where a fairytale until basically yesterday. Emily, who was, again, yesterday, openly suspicious of the Kinnah, thinks he only has a problem because they’re women. What in the fucking hell are you talking about? YOU are suspicious of them! There is nothing wrong with admitting that, or saying nothing. Don’t just lie!

Big Foster once again acknowledges his sins, and in his first real suggestion he hopes to stay, promises that he won’t allow disrespecting of the Elders, nor the Breni’in if he sticks around.

Later, he has a huge cache of guns, with at least one more bag to be recovered, and why in the hell was he so obsessed last year when they have this much?

He hides the guns as Morgan stops by and tries to undermine Gwen a little, but Big Foster shuts that shit right down and tells Morgan she’s been here a day, and already she’s scheming and he sees her.

She knows he loves Gwen, and suggests there’s something darker too, wondering what will win out. She reports to an agreeing Gwen that Big Foster seems incredibly sincere, and neither one can get a handle on him, but both agree there’s a game afoot.

Big Foster chooses then to march in with all the guns, and there are many.

Gwen looks for an instant like she knows she’ll die (beautiful work from Gillian Alexy), but Big Foster and his men drop all the guns and fall to their knees to salute her as Bren’in. Morgan’s expression is so curious. She looks angry.

Without a word, they leave. Morgan opens her mouth to schem,e but Gwen cuts her off, sends her out.

Later, she hides the guns in the home and goes to visit Big Foster. She has Elon’s medallion and says she saw Elon. She appears to think it’s a sign. Big Foster’s week away has obviously changed him and if it was that bad, maybe that was his punishment. They need him now, so he can stay. He’s honoured to serve. Shifty Morgan watches. Shiftily.

That was just great. My ongoing frustration about how fast the fences go up aside, that was just great television. I am just as unsure of Big Foster’s motivations, so I love how unclear everyone else is, too. He could be so good for them. I mean, he has to be. His mother, his children, are all so smart that he can’t be dumb. He, himself, talked to Gwen about the allure and power of being Bren’in

Sally Anne and Ledda are breaking my heart, but I am glad Sally Anne at least may find some safety and peace. Life up the mountain could be so good, especially for her. I hope Wade talks Ledda round.

Morgan remains super, duper evil, obviously. But, the Asa revelation is the biggest moment of the show. It’s heart-wrenching when you think about it. The night Asa and Big Fos got drunk and destroyed mining equipment takes on a whole new light. And the fact Big Foster has always known and treated Asa the way he did is hard to think about. By all accounts, the fact will remain a part of the ongoing story, and I can’t wait. Thinking on how smart and capable Asa was, I am dying to know what Big Foster truly thought of him. He clearly grieves the loss of a child I imagine he always struggled to understand.

Lets see where this goes.

Ged Ged Yah!