Hello and welcome to BALLS - LIVE! Behave. That was the FA Cup third round. As long as you don't count the Arsenal v Leeds tomorrow. And the replays that are still to come. I've beaten myself in the space of three sentences. Oh dear. Anyway there have been a couple of upsets today: Sheffield Wednesday have beaten West Ham reserves, Manchester United won at Manchester City and Chelsea won an actual game. Well done! Well done! Below are the numbers. If you like numbers, you'll love these.

1 Middlesbrough

2 Nottingham Forest or Leicester City

3 Manchester United

4 Dagenham & Redbridge or Millwall

5 Crawley Town

6 Notts County

7 Aston Villa

8 Tottenham Hotspur

9 Sheffield Wednesday

10 Milton Keynes Dons or Queens Park Rangers

11 Hull City

12 Southampton

13 Brighton & Hove Albion or Wrexham

14 Fulham

15 Birmingham City or Wolverhampton Wanderers

16 Norwich City

17 Arsenal or Leeds United

18 Derby County

19 Blackpool

20 Swindon Town

21 Swansea City

22 Macclesfield Town or Bolton Wanderers

23 Newcastle United

24 Everton

25 Sheffield United

26 Liverpool

27 Stoke City

28 Chelsea

29 Watford

30 Sunderland

31 West Bromwich Albion

32 Stevenage

Former Cardiff City manager Dave Jones and Chasetown player Danny Smith will be conducting the draw. The good name of the FA Cup was, of course, irrevocably tarnished when Banter's Tim Lovejoy was allowed to do the draw in February 2010. Oh Football Association, how could you?

The question rattling around the sports desk right now: should Birmingham and Wolves be allowed to replay their game, or should they both be thrown out of the FA Cup for crimes against football?

Off we go to Wembley. Here's Jim Rosenthal. He still looks like The Count from Sesame Street. A coincidence, given the numbers involved in the draw, that he always gets this gig?

The balls are in the bag. Here we go.

Brighton or Wrexham v Newcastle

Sunderland v Middlesbrough

Dagenham & Redbridge or Millwall v Southampton

Hull City v Crawley Town

MK Dons or QPR v Chelsea

West Brom v Norwich

Blackpool v Sheffield Wednesday

Arsenal or Leeds v Aston Villa

Stevenage v Notts County

Watford v Tottenham

Liverpool v Manchester United

Derby v Stoke

Everton v Fulham

Macclesfield or Bolton v Swansea

Sheffield United v Birmingham or Wolves

Nottingham Forest or Leicester v Swindon

You could not make this up. It's Liverpool v Manchester United. Champagne corks will be popping at FA headquarters, you can be sure of that. Luis Suarez will be suspended. The games will take place on 28/29 January. Others to catch the eye are Sunderland v Middlesbrough, Watford v Tottenham, possibly QPR v Chelsea and FOR GOD'S SAKE IT'S LIVERPOOL V MANCHESTER UNITED COULDN'T THEY HAVE JUST DRAWN IT AGAIN!!!?!?!?! Bye.