How do you ensure that your computer is completely and totally secure? There’s really only one surefire method: Don’t use a computer. If you don’t use a computer, then there’s nothing to get off it. The plan is pure genius. It’s also the same plan that the U.S. Department of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano employs with email. She claims that she doesn’t use email at all because of how secure she is. This is clearly the answer to all our problems.

It’s the same rationale behind not using fire because it might burn you, or not playing the latest Metroid game because it will only lead to disappointment. Okay, more like the former and less like the latter; if you play Metroid: Other M, the only outcome is clearly disappointment. The point is that avoiding something entirely to ensure its security, especially something so ubiquitous like email, is asinine. Flying in planes isn’t completely safe, yet we do that all the time. The same goes for driving.

Here’s the response CNN quotes Napolitano as giving about why she doesn’t use email:

For a whole host of reasons. So, I don’t have any of my own accounts and that, you know, I’m very secure[.] Some would call me a Luddite but you know. But that’s my own personal choice and I’m very unique in that regard I suspect[.]

That doesn’t mean she doesn’t have someone with email performing various functions for her, as evidenced by the “any of my own accounts” blurb. It’s either comforting or concerning that the person in charge of cybersecurity doesn’t use email, but that depends on whether you understand that Internet doohickey your grandchildren are always talking about.

(CNN via reddit, image via Jeff the Trojan)

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