It’s easier to make a round-trip to Mars than decoding a woman. We help you figure out what royally pisses off the fairer sex. Time to earn some brownie points from your sweetheart.

You can make a round trip to Mars on a shoestring budget, but can’t understand what’s going on in a woman’s mind. Her mood swings, her personal issues and PMS-laden days are enough to drive you up the wall. But fret not! At Youngisthan, we are always at your service. So if you’re a boyfriend struggling to understand why she has gone incommunicado or a hubby who’s getting only bread and kaanda for dinner…let’s tell you what pisses your women off. Read on:

One-word replies:

If she has sent you a Ramayan-esque text, DO NOT reply with a ‘K’, ‘Hmm’, ‘Will do’ and other such words because she would flip out and cry bloody murder. Make sure to send a decently long message (we know you can’t ever match up to her length) that doesn’t look like it’s put together in haste. If you’re really short of time, just toss in a couple of cutesy smileys and you’re sorted. Women are blessed with an elephantine memory (that red bindi she wears? Yeah, it records everything) so don’t try to pull off ‘You said that’ with her, you’re inviting hell upon yourself. This applies to phone conversations as well. Don’t keep saying, ‘hmmm’ on the phone, say something else too. When she is excitedly sharing her day with you, don’t dampen her spirits by saying a dull ‘okay’. Your life is at stake, remember.

Not picking calls:

Men work in a weird system where they don’t answer calls, thinking it’s not ‘urgent’. May be all the men are sent to some place where they are taught these things! I mean, how else would every guy do the same thing? But if you want to have mental peace and your head in place, please PICK UP her calls. Or shoot a text saying you’re tied up. Don’t leave it hanging. You’re not the PM’s secretary that you’ve work 24/7, so do take out some time to chat up with your girl. Texts, WhatsApps and smileys are all fine. But women are old school when it comes to communication and prefer to talk over the phone than sit down and type.

Comparing her with your ex:

If you let this slip out that you ex had better road sense or made better food…you’re dead meat, mister. There’s absolutely no going back from here. Women are quite possessive (and if you’re dating a Scorpio, god bless you) so if you draw comparisons with your ex and her, you are bound to be given the ‘sleep-on-the-couch’ or silent treatment for as long as she fancies it. This joke doesn’t play well with her at all. If you have made her yours, you better not piss her off by pulling this cheap trick.

Keeping her waiting:

Nobody likes to wait for someone to show up, but women take it to their hearts. If her boyfriend doesn’t come on time as planned, she would let her imagination run wild and almost arrive on the verge of breaking up with you. That’s how women work. They can shop for hours without breaking a sweat, but can’t wait for more than half hour for their better halves to turn up. We are impatient and fidgety by nature and we hate looking like utter fools at crowded restaurants. You get the drift? You better do!

Shouting in public:

So she has messed up big time and you’re in rage mode. But that doesn’t mean you shout at her in public. She can be stronger than a bull, but she is quite sensitive at heart and there are chances of her breaking down in front of the world. No girl wants to be scolded by her sweetheart with everyone watching. In fact, nobody enjoys it. You’re a man! You can put your anger on hold. Go home and give it to her…never outside! You hear, sir?