GEE WIZ... WE SURE WORKED HARD ON THAT NEWS SHOW. APPARENTLY IT DOESN'TMATTER HOW HARD YOU WORK. HEY BOYS, READY TODO SOME WHISTLIN ? ( whistlin' merrily ) -- OFF, WHISTLIN' WILLIE,WE'RE NOT IN THE MOOD. IF YOU WANT YOUR PIZZAYOU GOTTA WHISTLE ! ( whistlin' merrily ) COME ON ! ( all half-whistlin' ) THERE YA' GO ! GOD, I WISH WE HADA PIZZA HUT IN SOUTH PARK. HEY LOOK, CRAIGJUST WALKED IN. ( cheers & applause ) JESUS ALL THAT FORA STUPID VIDEO SHOW. OH HEY GUYS, HEARD ABOUTYOUR NEWS SHOW BEING CANCELED. GO PLAY WITHYOURSELF, CRAIG. YEAH, WELL, I GOT AN OVERALLDEAL WITH THE SCHOOL. THEY'RE PAYING MESIX DOLLARS A WEEK TO COME UPWITH NEW SHOWS. YOUR IDEA TOOK ABOUTTHIS MUCH THOUGHT, CRAIG. THIS MUCH MORETHAN YOU HAD. HEY A ROUND OF ROOT BEERSFOR EVERYONE, ON ME ! ( cheering ) KENNY ! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOUDOING WITH THIS ASSHOLE ? MRPH RHMHPHM RM. YOU'RE HELPING CRAIGMAKE HIS SHOW ? I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUWOULD BETRAY US LIKE THAT ! WE'VE ALWAYS BEENSUPER COOL TO YOU ! ♪ HA HA HA HAHAAAA HA ♪ ♪ WE'RE GONNADO A NEWS SHOW ♪ ♪ AND YOU CAN'TDO IT WITH US ♪ ♪ BECAUSE YOUARE TOO POOR ♪ ♪ AND POOR PEOPLEDON'T WATCH THE NEWS ♪ ♪ NYA NYA NYANYA NYAAAA NYA ♪ OH WHATEVER, KENNY ! HEY GANG, I BROUGHTTHE NEW EPISODE OF "WIDE ANGLECLOSE-UP ANIMALS" ! WOO-HOO !YAYYY !LET'S SEE ! PUT IT UP ONTHE MONITORS ! CUTE ! SUPER CUTE ! GOD, I JUSTDON'T GET IT. WOW... THOSE ANIMALSARE PRETTY CUTE. TOKEN-- NOWCOME ON GUYS ! WE'VE WORKEDTOO HARD TO JUST ROLL OVERFOR CRAIG AND HIS STUPID OVERALL DEAL. INSTEAD OF SITTING HEREFEELING SORRY FOR OURSELVES, WE JUST NEEDTO FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKEOUR SHOW BETTER ! YEAH... MAYBE IF WECAN GET HIGHER RATINGS BY THE ENDOF THE WEEK THEY'LL LET USSTAY ON THE AIR ! WELL WHAT ARE WEWAITIN' FOR ? COME ON GUYS !

ALRIGHT, NOW EVERYBODYTAKE A TABLET AND A PENCIL AND WHEN ALL THE IDEASSTART COMING JUST WRITE 'EM DOWN. WE MIGHT NOT REMEMBEREVERYTHING OTHERWISE. OH BOY, I CAN'T WAITTO BE CREATIVE AND SMART ! OOH, IT'S ALLTHICK AND GOOEY... HUH... I DON'THAVE ANY IDEAS YET. STAN ? DUDE, STAN,YOU ALRIGHT ? I THINK MAYBEHE'S FEELIN' IT. STAN, ARE YOUGETTING GOOD IDEAS ? WOA... I'M FEELIN KINDABOWLING BALLISH, FELLAS. WOOF-WOOF ! WOOF-WOOF ! ( distorted )STAN... STAN COME ON. WE'RE GONNAGO FIND A FROG. ( wrong number beep )WE'RE SORRY... ( fuzzy )OH DUDE, I JUST HADTHE BEST IDEA ! ME TOO ! HEY, LET'S RUN NAKEDTHROUGH THE STREET ! DUDE, THIS TV SHOWIS AWESOME... IT'S... THE GREATESTSHOW OF ALL TIME... I COULD WATCHTHIS FOR DAYS... ( all )CUTE... SUPER CUTE...

FOR SOUTH PARKELEMENTARY SCHOOL. AND NOW...A SEXY ACTION NEWS TEAM SPECIAL REPORT ! COUGH MEDICINEABUSE IN SCHOOL. WITH THE SEXY ACTIONSCHOOL NEWS TEAM. IT'S THE REPORTYOU CAN'T AFFORD TO MISS. ( girl screaming ) AND NOW HERE ISRICK CARTMAN. THEY CALL IT COUGH SYRUP,COUGH MEDICINE, COLD AND FLU REMEDY. BUT BEHIND CLOSED DOORSAT SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY IT ALSO HASA STREET NAME: COOGIE, WOMBAT JUICE,TIGGER YUM YUM. HELLO, I'M RICK CARTMAN. TODAY THE SEXY ACTION SCHOOLNEWS TEAM TAKES YOU INSIDETHE DARK AND LONELY WORLD OF COUGH MEDICINE ABUSE. THEY'RE DOING ITIN THE HALLWAYS. AGH ! BEHIND THE SCHOOL. HEY, GET OUTTA HEREYOU ---- DORK. EVEN, IN THEGIRL'S BATHROOM. IS SOMEBODY IN THERE ?I'LL TELL ON YOU ! WE SHOWED THE SHOCKING FOOTAGETO THE PRINCIPAL-- OH MY GOODNESS... PRINCIPAL VICTORIA,CAN YOU EXPLAIN HOW YOUR ADMINISTRATIONFAILED TO SEE THIS P-PR- PROBLEM ? WELL, I... WE... SO WHERE ARE STUDENTS GETTINGALL THIS COUGH MEDICINE ? THIS SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE SHOWS A GROUP OFTROUBLED KIDS GETTING ALLTHE SMACK THEY WANT FROM A PHARMACIST ! SEXY ACTION SCHOOL NEWSREPORTED THE PHARMACIST TO THE SOUTH PARK POLICE AND HE WASIMMEDIATELY ARRESTED. THE COUGH MEDICINECOMPANIES CLAIM THEY DON'T INTENDFOR THEIR PRODUCT TO BE USED BY KIDSTO GET HIGH. BUT ONE LOOK ATTHE PACKAGING TELLS OTHERWISE- "THERADRYL DM FOR KIDS" "DEXACOUGHCHILDREN'S FORMULA". AND NOW FOR A QUICKCELEBRITY CHECK HERE'S BUTTERS STOTCH. STILL NOCELEBRITIES, ERIC. I'LL KEEPMY EYES OPEN. THE COUGH MEDICINE PROBLEMUSED TO ALSO RUN RAMPANT IN NEIGHBORINGMIDDLE PARK ELEMENTARY. BUT THEY TOOK ACTION. RIDDED THEIR ENTIRE TOWNOF COUGH MEDICINE. AND WHAT WE SEE NOW,IS A HAPPIER SCHOOL ONE HUNDRED PERCENTCOUGH MEDICINE FREE. ( all hacking & coughing )

THIS ISCLOSED CIRCUIT TELEVISION FOR SOUTH PARKELEMENTARY SCHOOL. AND NOW... "SUPER SCHOOL NEWS". THE NEWS MADE FOR STUDENTSBY STUDENTS. WELCOME TOSUPER SCHOOL NEWS. I'M JIMMY VALMER. AND I'MRICK CARTMAN. THE PRICE OF MILK MONEYWILL GO UP NEXT MONTH TO FORTY NINE CENTS. THE SCHOOL CLAIMSTHE ADDED MONEY IS DUE TO THE COW SHORTAGEIN SOUTH PARK COUNTY. PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCESWILL BE HELD THIS WEDNESDAY NIGHTFROM SEVEN TO NINE. SO KIDS, GET A LOT OF PLAYINGIN BEFORE YOU GET GROUNDED. AND NOW FOR A LOOKAT WHAT'S ON THE MENU FOR SCHOOL LUNCH TODAY,HERE'S STAN MARSH. ERIC IT LOOKS AS THOUGHTHE SCHOOL WILL BE SERVING A CHICKEN CUTLET. NOW THAT'S TRADITIONALLYA WHITE MEAT CHICKEN BREAST, IF YOU WILL, THAT HAS BEENBREADED AND THEN COOKED. I'VE BEEN TOLD THERE WILLALSO BE TATER TOTS AND A VEGETABLE DISH. THIS IS REALLY SHAPING UPTO BE UH, ONE FANTASTIC LUNCH. ERIC ? HARD-HITTING REPORTINGSTAN, THANKS A LOT. AND NOW HERE WITHTHE CELEBRITY WATCH IS BUTTERS STOTCH. BUTTERS, SEEN ANYCELEBRITIES LATELY ? NO, NOT YET. I'VE BEEN STANDING OUTIN FRONT OF THE SCHOOL FOR ABOUT TWO HOURS NOW AND I HAVEN'T SEENANY CELEBRITIES. ABOUT THIRTY MINUTES AGO, I THOUGHT I SAWSIGOURNEY WEAVER... B-B-UT, UH, TURNS OUTIT WAS A DEAD HORSE. ALRIGHT, BUTTERS,KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN. Will do. MORE SNOWFOR SOUTH P-PARK ? HERE'S TOKEN BLACKWITH THE WEATHER. JIMMY AND ERIC, IT LOOKSLIKE A MASSIVE SNOW STORM IS HEADINGSOUTH PARK'S WAY. I ASKED MY DADLAST NIGHT, AND HE SAIDHE HEARD THE SNOWSTORM IS EXPECTEDON TUESDAY, GUYS. KYLE BROFLOVSKINOW JOINS US FOR A LOOKAT SPORTS. AND KYLE, THE GIRLS'BASKETBALL TEAM JUST CAN'TGET IT RIGHT. ANOTHER DEVASTATING LOSSFOR THE COWS LAST NIGHT, ERIC. THEY WERE AHEAD IN THE GAMEUNTIL KELLY ANDERSON STARTED CRYING BECAUSESHE MISSED HER DADDY WHO IS ON A BUSINESS TRIPIN THAILAND. KELLY WAS SO UPSETSHE COULDN'T PLAY AND THE COWSHAD TO FORFEIT. THE COWS ARE ONA SIX AND 0 SLIDE SINCE KELLY'S FATHER LEFTFOR THAT BUSINESS TRIP. AND THAT'S ALL FORSUPER SCHOOL NEWS ! ENJOY YOUR DAY ATSOUTH PARK E-E-EL- ELEMENTARY. AND WE'RE... CUT !

BOY THAT WASA GREAT EPISODE ! YEAH, I THINK THAT WASONE OF OUR BEST SHOWS YET. BOYS, I'M AFRAIDI HAVE SOME BAD NEWS. THE SCHOOL HAS TOCANCEL YOUR SHOW. WHAT ? FOR GOD'S SAKEWHY, MR. MARYL ? WELL THE STUDENTSJUST AREN'T WATCHING IT. YOUR RATING WAS ONLYA FOUR THIS WHOLE WEEK. HOW MANYSTUDENTS IS THAT ? FOUR- FOUR STUDENTSWATCH YOUR SHOW. AND MEANWHILE, CRAIG'S SHOWIS GETTING A FIFTY-SEVEN. CRAIG'S SHOW ? WHAT IS THAT BUTTHOLEDOING NOW ? OH, IT'S BRILLIANT. IT'S ALL JUST VIDEOFOOTAGE OF ANIMALS CLOSE-UP WITHA WIDE ANGLE LENS. ANIMALS CLOSE-UPWITH A WIDE ANGLE LENS. BUT THAT'S... THAT'S CRAP,THAT'S NOT EVEN TV ! IT'S WHATTHE STUDENTS WANT. AND ITS CHEAPERTO MAKE THAN YOUR SHOW. JUST ONE PERSONAND A VIDEO CAMERA. CRAIG IS A GENIUS. SORRY KIDS. BUT, MR. MARYL, WE'RE TRYING TO BRINGTHE NEWS TO STUDENTS. THEY NEED TO KNOWTHE FACTS AND OUR NEWS TEAMDELIVERS THEM, VERY MUCH. KIDS DON'T CARE ABOUTTHE NEWS, BOYS. IT'S BORING. KIDS WANTTO SEE ANIMALS... CLOSE-UP... WITH AWIDE ANGLE LENS. PLEASE, MR. MARYL,THE NEWS IS OUR LIFE. WITHOUT ITWE HAVE NOTHING. I'M SORRY, KIDS. YOU SHOULD BE PROUDOF WHAT YOU'VE DONE. IT'S JUST THATIT'S KIND OF GAY. YOU'RE GAY !

ALRIGHT, WE ALL NEED TOCOME UP WITH IDEAS FOR OUR SHOW. HOW ABOUTWE REVAMP THE NAME... "SUPER SCHOOL NEWS"SOUNDS DRY. IT SHOULDBE SEXY NEWS. ACTION NEWS ! YEAH, SEXY ACTION,THAT'S GOOD. MAYBE THE PROBLEM ISWE DON'T HAVE VERY GOOD STORIESTO REPORT ON. RIGHT... WE SHOULDMAKE UP STORIES BECAUSE THEY'LL BEFAR MORE INTERESTING. HEY YEAH ! I COULD SAY I SAW CELEBRITIESEVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T AND THEN LIE ABOUTWHAT I SAW THEM DOING ! NICE, BUTTERS,WRITE THAT DOWN ! "LIE... ABOUT...CELEBRITIES". WE HAVE TO APPEALTO ALL THE STUDENTS. SO WE NEED HOT GIRLSFOR THE SIXTH GRADERS-- --AND PANDA BEARSFOR THE PRESCHOOLERS. --GOOD. MAYBE WE NEEDTO MAKE STUDENTS THINK THEY HAVE TO WATCHOUR NEWS SHOW Captioning made possible by COMEDY CENTRAL YEAH, WE SHOULD MAKE UPA BUNCH OF REPORTS ON HOW DANGEROUSIT IS TO BE ALIVE ! OH BOY ! FELLAS, ARE YOU SUREALL OF THIS IS E-E-ETHICAL ? WE'RE INFOURTH GRADE, JIMMY. WE DON'T EVEN KNOWWHAT ETHICAL MEANS ! ALRIGHT, SEXY ACTIONSCHOOL NEWS TEAM IT'S TIMETO GO TO WORK ! GET OUT THEREAND GET SOME STORIES ! SEXY ACTION SCHOOL NEWS TEAM, HO ! UH, TOKEN, CAN I HAVEA QUICK WORD WITH YOU ? LOOK, TOKEN... I KNOWTHE GUYS ARE HAVING TROUBLE BRINGING THISUP WITH YOU, BUT... WELL THE THING IS, TOKEN WE REALLY NEED TO REVAMPYOUR WHOLE TV PERSONA. HUH ? YOU SEE, TOKEN,PEOPLE REALLY ENJOY SEEING AFRICAN AMERICANSON THE NEWS. SEEING AFRICAN AMERICANSON THE NEWS NOT HEARING THEM. THAT'S WHY, ALLAFRICAN AMERICAN NEWS PEOPLE LEARN TO TALK MORE...HOW SHOULD I SAY... WHITE. TOKEN, ALL THE GREATAFRICAN AMERICAN NEWS PEOPLE HAVE LEARNED TO HIDE THEIR'EBONIC TRIBESPEAK' WITH A MORE PURECAUCASIAN DIALECT. THERE IS NOSHAME IN IT AND I REALLY THINKIT WILL HELP OUR RATINGS.

AND NOW... EYEWITNESSSEXY ACTION SCHOOL NEWS ! IS SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARYABOUT TO EXPLODE FROM A METHANE GAS LEAK ? MORE ON THAT LATER,BUT FIRST, STAN MARSH HAS A LOOKAT SOME NEW OUTFITS FOR THE RAISINS GIRLS ! WEEEE !WOO-HOO !WOOOO ! ERIC, THE OUTFITS AREEVEN SKIMPIER THAN BEFORE LEAVING VERY LITTLETO THE IMAGINATION. NO DOUBT THAT IFI WERE A LITTLE OLDER I WOULD BE AROUSED. WEEEE !WOO-HOO !WOOOO ! AND NOW FORA LOOK AT THE WEATHER HERE IS TOKEN BLACK. AND TOKEN, I HOPETHERE ARE NO TORNADOES HEADED OUR WAY. NO, TORNADOES, ERICBUT INTERESTINGLY ENOUGH THERE IS ALOW PRESSURE STORM MOVING IN OVERTHE PARK COUNTY VALLEY SHOULD BRING USCHILLY DAYS AHEAD. THE PARK COUNTYSCHOOL BOARD HAS APPROVEDA BIGGER BUDGET FOR THE COMPUTER LAB IN-- OOH HANG ON, JIMMY ! LOOKS LIKEKYLE HAS THE DISH ON SOME STUDENTSBATHROOM HABITS ! ERIC, SOURCESARE SPECULATING THAT THIRD GRADE STUDENTPETE BELLMAN PEES SITTING DOWNLIKE A GIRL. WE'VE ALSOGOT CONFIRMATION THAT SALLY TURNERSTUFFS HER BRA AND CLYDE DONOVANHAS ONLY ONE TESTICLE. HA-HA-HA-HAAONE TESTICLE ! HA-HA-HAWHAT AN ASSHOLE ! OH-OH, LOOKS LIKE IT'SPANDA BEAR MADNESS MINUTE ! OH YEAH, PANDA BEAR MADNESS ! AND NOW...LET'S GET A LOOK AT CELEBRITY DISH GOSSIPWITH BUTTERS ! THIS ISN'T THE NEWS,THIS IS A T-T-T-TRAVESTY.

ALRIGHT, SO AFTERMY REPORT ON THE UNSANITARY CONDITIONSOF THE SCHOOL CAFETERIA WE'LL GO TO KYLE FORTHE STORY ON BRIAN TEEBS TRYING TO MAKE OUTWITH SUSAN FARKLE. THEN LET'S DOTOKEN'S REPORT ON HOW GLOBAL WARMINGIS GOING TO KILL EVERYONE INTHE FIFTH GRADE. THAT IS ATERRIFIC IDEA, STAN. A-OK ! FELLAS, FELLAS, I'VEGOT FANTASTIC NEWS. THE VICE PRESIDENT,DICK CHENEY, WAS INDENVER YESTERDAY, AND I GOT AN INTERVIEWWITH HIM FOR OUR NEWS SHOW ! UMM, AN INTERVIEWWITH THE VICE PRESIDENT... FRANKLY, JIMMY I DON'TKNOW HOW WE'RE GOING TO FIT THAT IN BETWEENCHEERLEADER PIE EATING AND WHO'S GOTSKID MARKS MONDAY. BUT THIS ISREAL NEWS. IT'S BORING NEWS, JIMMY. HOW DO YOU KNOW,YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET ! ALRIGHT,TELL ME ABOUT IT. IN THIS INTERVIEW,MR. CHENEY TELLS ME-- ( big yawn ) OH... OH GOD,I JUST GOT SO SLEEPY. I'M SORRY, WHAT WEREYOU TALKING ABOUT ? LOOK, F-F-FELLASI'VE GOT A REAL PROBLEM WITH THE DIRECTIONOUR NEWS SHOW IS GOING. WE'RE DUMBING DOWNTHE SCHOOL. NO, JIMMY, THE SCHOOLIS ALREADY DUMB WE'RE JUST GIVING THEMWHAT THEY WANT. WE'RE MAKING THE NEWSMORE APPEALING TO STUDENTS. THIS ISN'T THE NEWS ! THIS IS A B-B-BASTARDIZEDQUEST FOR RATINGS. DAMMIT, WE HAVE AJOURNALISTIC RESPONSIBILITY TO BRING STUDENTSTHE F-FACTS. DON'T YOU SEEWHAT WE'VE DONE ? IN OUR EFFORT TO COMPETE WITHCRAIG'S SMALL-MINDED SHOW WE'VE MAKE A MOCKERYOF NEWS REPORTING. I REMEMBER WHEN WE ALLMADE AN OATH TO EACH OTHER WAY BACK WHEN WE STARTEDPLAYING NEWS REPORTERS THAT WE WOULD NEVER LET ANYTHINGJEOPARDIZE OUR INTEGRITY. WELL OUR INTEGRITYIS JEOPARDIZED... AND IF WE CAN'TREPORT NEWS THE HONEST WAY... WHAT GOOD ISNEWS REPORTING ? ( yawning & stretching )

HOW IMPRESSED I AM WITH YOURABILITY TO GET MORE RATINGS. YOUR SHOW BEAT 'CLOSE UP ANIMALSWITH A WIDE ANGLE LENS' BY THREE VIEWERS ! WOOO HOOO !YES !ALRIGHT !WE DID IT ! I KNEW WECOULD DO IT ! WE BEAT"CLOSE UP ANIMALS" ! OH MAN IT'SSO GREAT ! WE- WE WORKED SO HARDTO BE ON THE TOP- OH COME HERE, YOU ! YES, BUT UNFORTUNATELY YOU GOT CRUSHEDIN THE RATINGS BY CRAIG'S NEW SHOW. CRAIG'S NEW SHOW ? ALL THE STUDENTSLOVE IT. IT'S ANINCREDIBLE IDEA CALLED "CLOSE-UP ANIMALSWITH A WIDE ANGLE LENS WEARING HATS". TAKE A LOOK. THAT CRAIG IS AFREAKIN' GENIUS, I TELL YOU. HE'S LIKE...AN IDEA MACHINE. DOES THIS MEAN WE'RESTILL GONNA GET CANCELED ? I'M AFRAID ITS WORSETHAN THAT BOYS. I'M GOING TO HAVE TOGIVE YOU ALL "F"s IN EXTRA CURRICULAR A/V CLASS. YOU HAVE TO LEARN NOWHOW IMPORTANT RATINGS ARE. BUT... WEGAVE IT OUR BEST. YES- ♪ AND I GUESS YOUR BESTWASN'T GOOD ENOUGH. ♪ I DON'T BELIEVE IT. I CAN'T LOSE THIS EXTRACURRICULAR CREDIT ! I NEED IT TOPASS FOURTH GRADE. STUPID NEWS HAIR. F-FELLAS, DON'T YOU SEE,THIS PROVES MY POINT. WE HAVE TO ELEVATEOUR IDEAS UP, NOT DOWN. YEAH, I KNOW WECAN COME UP WITH WAY BETTER IDEASTHAN CRAIG. TO SAVE OUR SHOW,ALL WE NEED TO DO... IS COME UP WITHTHE BEST IDEA FOR AN EPISODE EVER.

WHAT IF WE DOA SHOW WHERE WE... AH... NO... HOW ABOUT WEHAVE US, UM... HMMM... COME ON DOESN'T ANYBODYHAVE ANY SHOW IDEAS ? HOW ABOUT WEGET PANDA BEARS AND HAVE THEM DANCEAROUND WITH US ! WE DID THAT. WOW, COMING UPWITH IDEAS IS HARD. LOOK, YOU GUYS, IF CRAIGCAN DO IT, WE CAN DO IT. COME ON ! HOW ABOUT WE DOA SHOW WITH US... UH... THE UH... WHAT IF... WAIT, I'VE GOT IT...CRAB PEOPLE. CRAB PEOPLE ? THEY'RE LIKEHALF CRAB, HALF PEOPLE AND THEY LIVEBELOW THE GROUND. DUDE, I THINK WE CANDO A LITTLE BETTER THAN CRAB PEOPLE. I KNOW, WE SHOULDREAD THE FUNNIES ! I ALWAYS GET GOOD IDEASFROM THE FUNNIES ! BUTTERS, ONLY GAY LITTLEDWEEBS READ THE FUNNIES. YEAH, I READ 'EMALL THE TIME ! HERE'S ONE ! THE... SNAILTRIPPED OVER A HURDLE AND THE OTHERSNAIL SAYS, "WELL, THAT'S GONNA ADDANOTHER HOUR TO HIS TIME !" HA-HA-HA-HA-HA ! YOU GUYS ? HOW ABOUT WE DO A SHOWWHERE WE KILL BUTTERS ? HA HA... SO DAGWOOD SAYS, "GOOD THINGWE'RE PLAYING THE BACK NINEAT YOUR HOUSE !" HA HA AHAA ! WE'RE HOPELESSLY STUCK,COMPLETELY OUT OF IDEAS. WE HAVECRAB PEOPLE. JUST SAYIN'... WAIT - YOU KNOWWHAT WE SHOULD DO ? WE SHOULD ALL TAKEA BUNCH OF COUGH MEDICINE. COUGH MEDICINE ? THAT'S WHATTHE SIXTH GRADERS DO BEHIND THE SCHOOLAT RECESS. THEY TAKE WAYTO MUCH COUGH MEDICINE CUZ THEY SAY IT MAKES THEMSEE THINGS IN THEIR HEADS.

GEE WIZ, THERESURE ARE A LOT OF EM... HOW DO WE KNOWWHICH ONE TO USE ? HOW ABOUT THISONE - COLMINEX. "WARNING, TAKING MORETHAN RECOMMENDED AMOUNT CAN CAUSE SEVERESIDE EFFECTS" THAT SOUNDS PERFECT ! B-BINGO. CAN I HELPYOU BOYS ? YEAH, WE NEED TO COME UPWITH SOME IDEAS AND INSPIRATION SO WE WERE GONNA DRINKA BUNCH OF COUGH MEDICINE. WHOA, BOYS ! THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU NEEDTO COME UP WITH IDEAS ! IT'S NOT ? NO, WHAT YOU WANTIS THE COLMINEX PM. IT HAS THEDEXTRIMATPHAN IN IT THAT CAUSES HALLUCINATIONSIN LARGE DOSES. OH OKAY. NOW, IF IT'SMORE OF A LUCID, SPEEDY KIND OF HIGHYOU'RE LOOKING FOR, I DO ALSO CARRY THEDAYTAP COLD AND FLU. THEN THERE'S THEMAXIMUM STRENGTH CODATUSSIN COUGH 'N COLD. BUT OF COURSE, THAT'S ONLY IFYOU REALLY WANT TO TRIP BALLS. WHAT DO YOUTHINK FELLAS ? I GUESS WE'LL JUSTTAKE ALL OF THEM. THAT'S THE SPIRIT... ALRIGHT BOYS, I'LL JUST NEEDYOUR PARENTS PERMISSION. KIDDING, I'M JUSTPULLIN' YOUR LEGS. COME ON OVERTO THE REGISTER ! OH, LOOKS LIKESOMEBODY ELSE IS DOING A LITTLEPARTYING TONIGHT ! OH JESUS CHRIST ! WE AREN'THAVING A PARTY. OH YEAH SURE ! YOU'RE JUST BUYING THATFOR YOUR BAD COUGHS, RIGHT ? US TOO !(fake coughing) OOH JESUS !

YOU GUYS...YOU GUYS WAKE UP ! ERGH... AGH ! BUTTERS GET AWAYFROM ME ! OH JESUS, WHEREARE MY CLOTHES ? WE TOOK A BUNCHOF COUGH MEDICINE TO COME UP WITHIDEAS FOR OUR SHOW. I DIDN'T COME UPWITH ANYTHING ! I DID, I WROTESOMETHING DOWN... HERE IT IS... UH...SQUIGGLY LINE, CIRCLE. I WROTE DOWN... ALL THE LYRICS TOTHE "HAPPY DAYS" THEME SONG. YOU GUYS... WE WATCHEDCRAIG'S SHOW ALL NIGHT LONG. YEAH, IT WAS GREAT. BUT DON'T YOU SEE ? WE DIDN'T THINKIT WAS GREAT BEFORE ! I THINKI UNDERSTAND NOW. I THINK I KNOW WHY CRAIG'S SHOWGETS SUCH GREAT RATINGS ! HALF THE SCHOOLIS HIGH ON COUGH MEDICINE ! JESUS, YOUMAY BE RIGHT. FELLAS, THISIS OUR CHANCE ! EVERYONE GET YOUR HAIR LOOKINGAS FANTASTIC AS POSSIBLE ! IT'S TIME FOR US TO DO THE MOST INCREDIBLEINVESTIGATIVE NEWS REPORT OF OUR JOURNALISTIC LIVES !