To Reduce Number Of Obnoxious Bros In Stores, Walmart To Stop Selling White Claw

U.S.—In order to reduce the number of preventable obnoxious bros wandering their stores, Walmart announced Friday it would cease selling White Claw Hard Seltzer at all the company's U.S. locations.

Many customers across the country have complained about obnoxious bros wandering the stores making other people feel annoyed. Walmart has identified the root of the problem: the dudes are going to Walmart to pick up more White Claw.

"We're a private business, and we have the right to sell or not sell whatever we like," said a rep. "In this case, we've determined that the risks of having more dude-bros named Chad or Kyle coming here at all hours to pick up another six-pack of the drink that tastes like La Croix with a little bit of hand sanitizer added weren't worth the additional profit they might bring."

"And frankly, it's disgusting," the rep added. "Like, why don't you just drink a nice lager or pale ale or something?"

At publishing time, Walmart had also announced that it would stop selling Monster energies and trucker hats to further reduce the number of bros in their stores.

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