On the way home from school the other day my son and I caught up with a friend of his walking with his mother. Immediately the boys engaged in conversation and travelled together boasting about the sports they like to play and their favourite fictional characters. The boy’s mother and I strolled behind them, silently intrigued by the four year olds’ banter.

During their conversation the young boy pulled up his sweater to show my son his new t-shirt featuring a group of superheroes.

“This one turns green and yells, SMASH!” The young boy explained to my son.

“SSSSMASSHH!”

Being unfamiliar with this character my son looked at him with confused eyes and stated, “I don’t know that one.”

He wasn’t ashamed of his comic book superhero ignorance. He just shrugged it off as something he hadn’t been exposed to yet because of a lack of interest (my wife and I had not actively sheltered our son from comic book characters or superheroes).

The boy’s mother looked at me and then quickly glanced at the ground with what seemed to be embarrassment. “He watches them on Netflix. I don’t know why. I don’t think he should like them”, she stated sheepishly.

Our walk continued and the boys innocently discussed whatever came to mind. As we arrived near our home I asked my son to say goodbye to his friend. Leaving the two and making our way home, the young boy yelled out to my son, “we’re going to McDonald’s!”

Turing around, the boy’s mother looked at me defeated, and announced that, “he wants to go” and that she had, “completely given up.” Again, she seemed to be mortified.

Why did this mother feel she had to rationalize her family decisions to me? Did she fear that I was going to evaluate her as a mother?

As parents, why do we sometimes feel like we are being judged for our parenting decisions or that we need to explain our children’s likes if they don’t align with other kids interests?

I have experienced this pressure.

There is a faint insecurity that has been shaped by the presence of an underlying fear that we are, in some way, wrong in how we are raising our kids. I believe that this insecurity is born out of wanting the best for our children, and although the intention may be pure, acting in a way that discredits our parenting decisions and what our children’s interests are could potentially have a lasting and adverse effect on our kids.

When we appear ashamed when our children like something that is different we risk inadvertently influencing them to want to assimilate with their peers and only engage in what is popular. Instead of fostering individuality and confidence, excusing our children’s likes openly communicates that to earn acceptance everyone must be the same and being the “other” should not be celebrated.

Instead of encouraging our kids to be leaders, we are using our authority to generate a follower’s mentality.

It’s hard seeing our children on the outside of their community of peers looking in. We worry about them not fitting in or them feeling ashamed of being different. I have these fears as a father. But what do we lose when we ask our children to like something just to fit in? What are we telling our kids when we aren’t excited about their interests? We are communicating that they are not good enough. And we are unfairly asking them to change.

I encourage families to inwardly focus on their children and embrace them as individuals. Celebrate and support any diverse interests. Stand behind their choices and foster individuality. And do not undermine your decisions as a parent.

Parenting won’t be perfect. And children’s interests are fickle. Unforeseen variables piece together our families’ lives. But the common thread through all of the changes and challenges needs to be confidence, support and love in all facets of life.

We need to own who we all are, because our children are watching.