It was Kermit the Frog who opined "it's not easy being green", but one can only imagine the consternation of Australia's elite athletes about the challenging hue after the unveiling of the dreadful green and gold Commonwealth Games uniforms.

Admittedly, green is not the easiest colour to wear, but the addition of spinnaker-sized lapels, cement-coloured slacks and hokey, seemingly hand-knitted, jumpers produced a look that would prompt even Miss Piggy to eschew her beloved when the equivalent of couture kryptonite kits were launched in Melbourne.

"This is why Olympians used to perform naked," said Elle deputy editor Damien Woolnough. "Were these uniforms designed by a graduate of the Whitehouse Institute on a scholarship?"

In fact, they were designed and manufactured by Australian Defence Apparel, which also supplies front-line combat and hard and soft armour, which could well come in handy should our Glasgow-bound athletes need to defend themselves against heinous fashion crime allegations from other nations.