OUR SON HAS BEENRETURNED TO US.

( cheers & applause )

( man )ALL RIGHT !

BUTTERS WAS MISSING ?

BUT, THAT ISN'T ALLWE HAVE TO SAY.

YOU SEE, WE LEARNED A VERYIMPORTANT LESSON TONIGHT.

AND IT TOOK THE SMARTS OFOUR YOUNG SON TO SHOW US.

YEAH !

WE'VE LEARNED THATDECEPTION IS WRONG.

AND THAT THE ONLY THING TOEVER MAKE IT RIGHT AGAIN

IS TO COME CLEAN.

YEAH !

YOU SEE, I'VE BEEN DECEIVINGMY WIFE FOR SEVERAL MONTHS.

I WAS GOING TO GAYMOVIE AND BATH HOUSES

AND HAVING SEX WITH RANDOM MENWHO WERE COMPLETE STRANGERS.

YEA--WAIT, WHAT ?

HA HO !

AND WHEN I FOUND OUTI WENT CRAZY.

I WENT CRAZY AND I DROVE MY SONINTO THE LAKE TO KILL HIM.

UH, K-KILL ME ?JESUS CHRIST !

DAMN, DUDE.

SO YOU SEE, THERE WAS NOSOME PUERTO RICAN GUY.

HE DOESN'T EXIST.

AND SO THE PEOPLE WE OWETHE BIGGEST APOLOGY TO

ARE THE RAMSEYS, CONGRESSMANCONDIT AND O.J.

WE GAVE YOU FALSE HOPE

FOR FINDING THE PERSON WHOHURT THOSE CLOSE TO YOU

AND WE'RE SORRY.

NOW WE'RE JUST HAPPY WE WON'THAVE TO LIVE A LIFE OF SECRETS.

FOR I KNEW THAT EVEN THOUGHSOME OF YOU SUPPORTED US

SOME OTHERS WERE LOOKINGAT ME AND THINKING,

"YOU'RE A LIAR !YOU'RE A LIAR !

"YOU KNOW SOMETHING THATYOU'RE NOT TELLING US,

YOU SLIMY SCUMBAG, LIAR !"

Y'KNOW, THAT'S WHAT PEOPLEWOULD SAY TO ME.

AND THEN WOULD SEE MY WIFEIN THE SUPERMARKET.

AND THEY WOULD SAY, "HELLO,"BUT THEY'D BE THINKING,

"AH, THERE GOESTHAT... MURDERER !

"YOU GOT AWAY WITH MURDER,

YOU MURDERING, LYINGWASTE OF LIFE !"

AND TO ME, PEOPLE MIGHTSAY THINGS LIKE,

"LIAR !

TELL US WHAT YOU KNOW,YOU GOD DAMN LIAR !"

AND SO TO BOTH OF US

PEOPLE ALL OVER TO TOWNWOULD BE SAYING THINGS LIKE,

"YOU KNOW GOD DAMN WELLWHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR KID

"SO STOP ACTINGLIKE VICTIMS

"AND CONFESS, YOUMURDERING MURDERERS !

CONFESS, LIAR, CONFESS !"

Y'KNOW, AND THAT'S WHAT PEOPLEWOULD BE SAYING TO US.

AND SO WE JUST HAD TO COMEFORWARD AND TELL THE TRUTH.

WE'RE SORRYWE LIED TO YOU ALL.

IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.

AND NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE US

THIS FAMILY HAS TOGET TO BENNIGAN'S.

( man )ALL RIGHT !

WOW, DUDE.

YOUR DAD'S A PERV ANDYOUR MOM TRIED TO KILL YOU.

YEAH.

BOY, YOU FELLAS SURE ARE GONNARIP ON ME IN SCHOOL NOW.

WE SURE ARE.

I REALLY WISH I DIDN'TKNOW THAT STUFF.

I GUESS I LEARNED THAT SOMETIMESLYING CAN BE FOR THE BEST.

YEP.

OH WELL, WHEN I HAVEA CHIPOTLE BLUE CHEESE

BACON BURGERAT BENNIGAN'S

I'LL FORGET ALL ABOUTMY DAD BEING QUEER

AND MY MOM TRYINGTO KILL ME.

I'M GONNA BE OKAY.

REALLY ?NO, I'M LYING.

LET'S GO, SON.

COMING, DAD !

♪ EVERYONE KNOWSIT'S BUTTERS ♪

THAT'S ME !