Based on the speech by character Mark Antony in “Julius Caesar” by William Shakespeare.

Friends, Torontonians, 905ers, lend me your cars;

I come to bury the Gardiner, not to praise it;

The traffic that men cause lives after them,

The smog is oft interred with their bones,

So let it be with the Gardiner … The noble Tory

Hath told you, Gardiner was congested:

If it were so, it was a grievous fault,

And grievously hath Gardiner answered it …

Here, under leave of Tory and the rest,

(For Tory is an honourable man;

So are they all; all honourable men and women)

Come I to speak at Gardiner’s funeral …

It was my road, faithful and fast, for me:

But Tory says it was congested;

And Tory is an honourable man….

It hath brought many suburbanites from home to work,

Whose salaries did the general coffers fill:

Did this in Gardiner seem ambitious?

Yet when the commuters did commute, Gardiner hath crumbled:

Highways should be made of sterner stuff:

Yet Tory says it was congested;

And Tory is an honourable man.

You all did see that on the DVP

I thrice presented him a special HOV lane,

Which it did thrice refuse: was this congestion?

Yet Tory says it was congested;

And, sure, he is an honourable man.

I speak not to disprove what Tory spoke,

But here I am to speak what I do know.

You all did drive it once, not without cause:

What cause withholds you then to mourn for it?

O judgement! thou art fled to leftist beasts,

And men have lost their reason…. Bear with me;

My heart is on the boulevard instead of the Gardiner,

And I must pause till it come back to me.