When you have nothing to say, say it about Cosby.

Yesterday, Men’s Rights garbage site A Voice for Men doubled tripled quadrupled quintupled sextupled septupled octupled-down on its Bill Cosby apologia with an overwrought, overwritten, often barely comprehensible 3000 word opus titled “Why I despise Mass Media and love The Coz” by self-described “libertarian/market anarchist” B.R. Merrick.

Merrick’s basic thesis, as far as I can figure it out, is that Americans have become convinced that Bill Cosby is a rapist because basically they’re a bunch of Puritans witch-hunters at heart who are mad that Cosby went around having probably perfectly legal sex with assorted women who weren’t his wife while playing a stern-but-lovable father figure on TV and in real life.

This is a cultural father figure, successfully married for decades and lecturing black Americans on getting their own affairs in order, who is cutting Quaaludes in half, getting his penis out, and paying young women to keep things quiet and go to college. …. No amount of colorful sweaters and silly dance moves will hide the fact from a country so zig-zagged in its sexual mores that the actor was merely acting as if Claire Huxtable was the only woman in his bed.

You see what I mean about the incomprehensibility? It took me several tries before I figured out what he was trying to say in that second paragraph there.

Merrick’s post is one that is definitely worth not reading, but it does contain a few rough gems that I’d like to share with you all.

So here are 5 Weird and Untrue Things I Learned from AVFM’s 8th Post Defending Bill Cosby

1) If Americans keep making a big deal about men doing improper things with their penises, the Chinese will take over the world

If you’re as disgusted with the zeitgeist as I am, you can do little else but watch as America reacts with heavily emotional upset every time a penis is seen, and quietly remind yourself as I do on a regular basis that empires cannot exist without first and foremost regulating the men, even as they blame them for anything and everything they can. The more upset your friends and neighbors become, the more the American Empire dies, while the rising Chinese Empire slowly usurps control of the world’s economy.

2) Miley Cyrus’ breasts were caused by Puritanism

Cyrus’s twerks and tits are a direct product, a pendulum swing if you will, of Puritanical thought and practice. She is, after all, following the example of the far more successful, prolific, and long-lasting godmother of sexual rebellion, Madonna, whose life’s work is based on trashing the lessons of Catholicism she has spent her entire career trying to dissolve.

The idea that taboo-breaking is the flip side of repression is hardly new — after all, you can’t break taboos if there are no taboos to break. But I’m pretty sure breast development has more to do with hormones than with Cotton Mather.

3) Roman Polanski already served his time in jail for rape, so why is everybody being so mean to him?

[Cosby] enjoyed sex too much in the wrong way with the wrong people. We know that much from the deposition; and in a culture where millions still want to go after Roman Polanski’s hide, in spite of the fact that he confessed, served his time in jail, and will die a victim of double jeopardy, that’s all that’s necessary.

Well, no, he didn’t. He spent 42 days in jail under psychiatric observation, as part of a plea deal, but fled the country before his sentencing hearing in order to avoid the possibility of, you know, serving his time in jail for the crime he had confessed to. Another ace factchecking job, AVFM!

4) Having sex with women today is like having sex with Susan B. Anthony, who was basically a Puritan, and isn’t it cute that women have the right to vote?

At least that’s what I think Merrick is trying to say here. You figure it out.

The realization that a man needs to have now, especially after the destruction of a comedy icon, is that sex with a woman can at any time and in numerous ways be directly influenced by the detritus left from the religious persecutions of old. The male reader would do well to remember that early feminists were like Susan B. Anthony, an unmarried woman of highly progressive ideals such as temperance, women’s suffrage, and abolitionism. … [T]he modern Progressive movement … bears a direct link to the Puritanical idea of saving humanity from itself. There would have been no 18th Amendment without Progressives, America’s adorable little schoolmarms.

5) Rape victims who “go back for more” are as bad as rapists, if you think about it

I thoroughly enjoyed Cosby’s efforts for decades. I enjoyed his stand-up, his sitcoms, and his public persona. I couldn’t care less about his peccadilloes. I would be sadder still if it were all true, but mindful of the fact that a rape victim, whether male or female, who apparently goes back for more has about as much honor as the perpetrator, and a lot less of my empathy and interest.

A Voice for Men, you really are terrible, aren’t you?

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