Of all the daily horrors inflicted on New York City subway riders, there are few experiences more vexing than the "good service" trap. It begins with a glimmer of hope: You consult the MTA's website or app and are told that the trains are running without problems, which you believe, because who would even lie about something like that. But when you arrive at the station, your train is 15, 16, 20 minutes away, if it's coming at all. Betrayed, you stare into the pitch-black tunnel, once again questioning the MTA's empirical grasp of the world around us.

MTA website says good service when it looks like a zombie movie and trains are running every ten minutes through FiDi during rush hour — Nick Beeps (@Nick_BPSS) December 19, 2018

There are plenty of reasons for the "good service" trap, none of them reassuring. For one thing, the system's ancient technology means that the MTA literally doesn't know where most of its trains are at any given moment. It may also sometimes take a minute to update the website after major incidents (possibly due to the fact that they're using a web browser from 1995).

But there's another explanation for the frequent discrepancy between service promised and service reality, which is that the MTA's definition of "good" is wildly out of line with how the average human being experiences the concept of "good." The MTA basically admitted as much last week, in a tweet explaining that subway service is technically classified as "good" if a train arrives within five minutes of scheduled headways. Because the MTA's planned headways are all over the place outside of peak hours—from 5:30 a.m. to 9 a.m. and 4 p.m. to 8 p.m.—a 13 minute wait for an F train at 8:30 p.m. is still considered "good service."

Hi there, scheduled headways are up to 8 minutes at this time, and good service is technically defined as 5 minutes of that. We are actively working to close that gap further. ^CG — NYCT Subway (@NYCTSubway) December 21, 2018

Reached for comment, MTA spokesperson Shams Tarek told Gothamist that planned headways shift throughout the day and differ for each line. Absent planned work or service disruptions, the longest scheduled interval between trains is 20 minutes, which is the case for most trains after midnight. So, under the MTA's rubric, waiting 25 minutes for a subway can still be considered "good service." This is either metaphysical subjectivism or gaslighting, depending on your philosophical leanings.

Pressed about whether the MTA has any plans to reevaluate their understanding of Good vs. Bad, as the tweet indicated, Tarek said he'd get back to us. In the meantime, next time you find yourself a victim of the "good service" trap, soothe yourself with the recent musings of the man in charge of the subway: "There is no clock ticking because there is no clock. We are nowhere."

Can someone from the MTA please look me in the eye and tell me how a 13-minute wait for a B train during rush hour is good service? @NYCTSubway pic.twitter.com/9j0w9HN1Ao — Brigid Black (@brigidblack) December 12, 2018

the app says good service on the #7train but y'all don't even know when the next queens-bound train is coming @mta ⁦@NYCTSubway⁩ #fixthemta pic.twitter.com/2z99TZSaMF — kitty americana 🏹 🐎🔥 (@kittyamericana) December 16, 2018

“Good Service” on the my mta app, while we sit in the station with no ETA to get moving again? Keep up the great work. — subway gripe (@subwaygripe) December 18, 2018