I intended this week to write about my adoption through LDS Social Services, but every time I sat down at the computer, it just didn’t feel right. So I’m going to table that topic, and instead, I bring you…. 7 Things I Can’t “Shake Off” from My Mormon Upbringing.



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Some other post Mormons might have commonalities with this post, but every Mormon family is a little different and not all of these items personify all members of the church. These are my experiences only.



1. Food Storage

I still have an obsession with food storage. Currently, I live in a very small house with a very small kitchen equipped with almost no storage space. I believe this is the only reason that I don’t currently have food storage.



Having 2 YEARS worth of food storage for your family is the minimum expected. For this reason, many homes in Utah are equipped with “fruit rooms” where their food storage is kept. The church gives instruction on rotating food storage, how to keep water long term, and what are the best things to store. My entire adult life I have considered myself to have left the Mormon church, and I still kept food storage for most of it.



There are also short term emergency kits the church will put together. Why these are separate from the regular storage is beyond me because they are usually stored in the same house.



Sometimes when I see documentaries about preppers, I get really excited. Like it’s something I should join immediately. I think these shows are actually supposed to expose the weird things people do, but they seem to have the opposite effect on me. I try to not watch these shows!



When I moved to my current home, I slowly consumed or threw away the food storage I had built up because I had nowhere to keep it. I still believe it is important, but maybe only for the short term. I would like to have a 2-3 week food storage someday.



2. Modest Dress

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The Mormon church has very specific standards about how their members are supposed to dress. Some people think of them as a list of rules, but a simpler way to think of it is to dress in such a way that your “garments” don’t show.

For those of you who don’t know what garments are, I will give you the best summary I can. Mormons believe in what they call sacred rituals performed at their temples, as important to their eternal happiness and salvation. Part of these rituals requires wearing garments (aka underwear) that are white and have symbols sewn into them. Only adult Mormons who are considered worthy are allowed to enter the temple and begin to wear garments. Once you accept the covenants of the temple, you are supposed to always wear your garments. They have capped sleeves and shorts that nearly go to the knee. Even if you have not yet done your temple ordinances, you are expected to be modest in such a way that would not show these garments.



So even Mormon children are expected to 1) not wear tank tops 2) keep the midriff covered 3) only wear shorts or skirts that reach the knee and 4) blouse necklines that do not dip very much.



Even though I do not believe in these modesty standards, I still struggle breaking them today. I’ve finally convinced myself I can wear no sleeve shirts or tank tops with a wide strap. If I try to wear a spaghetti strap tank top I constantly feel uncovered and exposed. I struggle to feel comfortable wearing shorts that aren’t long, and a skirt that doesn’t hit mid-thigh. I’m glad that showing your midriff is not the current style (as it was when I was in Middle and High School) because I have no trouble finding items to cover that up.

This is so profound because I struggle to be comfortable in my own body. Even in the privacy of my own home, I can’t wear these items. There’s a little voice in my head that persistently makes me feel uncomfortable, and I change back into something else. Usually, something big and baggy to compensate the terrible comfort I just felt.



When I taught in Utah, teachers had very specific dress standards, and that I teach in Colorado I don’t have specific guidelines to fall back on. So I carefully watch what other women wear in my profession. It took me about 2 years before I felt comfortable with sleeveless tops which are pretty standard here. I also finally let go of covering my shoulder tattoo because tattoos are common among teachers here. (Whew! It was hard to find clothes with high enough necks in the back!) But these are the only concessions I’ve allowed myself.



What is interesting is the anxiety I have over dressing does not extend to my daughter. If I dress her in a spaghetti strap top and shorts, I just think she’s adorable. I’m not careful about what I buy her as I am with myself. I’m so glad that not passing this inner turmoil on to her.



3. Hoarding

Of course, hoarding isn’t something taught in the LDS church, but I know so many members who are hoarders. I still have a tendency to hoard myself so I thought I may try to explore why this is connected to many Mormons.



I think it comes down to having a lot of children and prioritizing stay at home mothers. Large families will naturally struggle with finances especially if only one spouse works full time. For this reason, I believe Mormons are taught to save things. They save children’s clothes and toys in case another child comes along. They save items that are no longer used just in case it might have a need to be used again.



If you are used to not having a lot of spending power, you have a greater inclination to value what you have. When someone worked really hard to buy something like an old video gaming system it’s hard to let it go even if it hasn’t been turned on in years. As children watch their parents save old items, they learn to do the same. I believe in this way hoarding can become generational. Since Mormons are likely to have large families generationally, I believe it increases the likelihood that Mormons become hoarders.



Most of the time I loathe how small my house is, but when I think about my hoarding tendencies, I actually am grateful. Also, my husband hates clutter and it’s hard to be clutter free if you are a hoarder. I’ve had to learn to take care of this in order to live happily with him. I still have a long way to go, but I’m much better than I used to be.



4. Praying for Lost Things

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This is so silly, but Mormons are taught to pray for lost things. There are stories you read in church magazines, and stories you hear while people bear their testimonies once a month during Testimony Meeting, that perpetuate the idea that God will reveal the location of your lost item



When I lose my keys or my sunglasses, I often want to return to this practice. No matter your stance on God, it’s hard for an outsider to think why God would take time out of all the other things he should be doing to help a Mormon find their keys. My Christian husband often says, “It doesn’t work that way!”



Upon reflection, I believe the prayer actually brings the person to a calming place allowing for the better thought process. Once the prayer has been said that a person can calmly look for their lost item while trusting that it will be found. And then once the item is found it reaffirms their faith in the practice they just completed.



Even though the reasoning behind this practice flawed, I’ve decided it’s not that bad of an approach. I’ve begun to use that urge in a way to help me. Instead of praying to God, I try to center myself with breathing, and maybe some meditation. This way I can look for my keys mindfully and let go of the fear of not finding them.



5. Taking on Too Much

Mormons are expected to do a lot in their everyday life. They have big families, jobs, go to church on Sundays, attend other church groups during the week, hold time-consuming church calling (or jobs), and some go to college on top of it all. Most do all of this with a smile and they go about life looking unphased.



Since I left the church as I became an adult, I personally did not experience this. However, I was raised around adults who behaved like this. I’ve created a false perception that this is an easy way to live. Over my life, I’ve often over-committed myself and wonder why I fall apart in the midst of it. Am I not good enough to handle responsibilities? Why am I so weak when Mormons are so strong?



Recently as I’ve read the stories of previously faithful families leaving the church, I’ve come to realize that so much responsibility is not easy. Members find it important to look as if it is easy for them, and they hide their anxiety and exhaustion. It must be a very hard life for them indeed.



I still haven’t figured out the balance of what I can and can’t do, but I will soldier on and try not to over-commit myself.



6. Appropriate Jobs for Women

One thing that has continued to irk me over my life is that as much resistance I tried to put up to it, I still became a teacher.



My dad would always teach me that a teacher is the best occupation for a woman to have (if she were to have one) because you are home when your children are home. I started college as an engineer but it just didn’t seem the right fit. I found a wonderful program that taught me to be a pre-engineering teacher for secondary school and jumped in. The program taught me a lot and was interesting because it was primarily a man’s world.



I taught pre-engineering for a while, then changed to math, then to special education. I have taught for 10 years.

Even though I find teaching to be rewarding, my inner child wants to know why I gave in to my father. Why did I end up in the profession he so insisted on me following? I struggle to find my peace with this life choice. I may never learn how much he influenced this decision.



7. Fear of Speaking Up

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Finally, I come to my fear of speaking up. The reason I started this blog. The official church is very controlling of the members. You are taught that seeking information beyond official church publications is to be approached with caution because Satan tries to deceive members by placing anti-Mormon literature in their lives.



Also, any views contrary to the official view is destined. Members quickly denounce contrary views and find ways for them to be immediately invalid. Any faithful member who expresses doubt is criticized and given tasks like reading The Book of Mormon in order to get rid of that doubt. If your view doesn’t align with the church, you quickly find there is not a place for you among the members.



As a child, I chose to deal with this by not speaking up. Instead of disagreeing quietly or trying to convince me that Satan was deceiving me. I was afraid of the rebuke I might receive if I didn’t say the right thing at the right time. It was much easier to be quiet and meek. This was supported in the church by the idea that actions and not words show your faith. That God will judge you by your deeds. I quietly lived my life the best way I knew how.



Even after leaving the church I have been afraid to speak. I’m still afraid to speak, and I’m terrified my family may find this blog. I fear to lose my family over my words. Maybe someday I will be braver, but even now, I continue to hide my voice.



Thank you for reading. Come back next weekend to continue my journey of speaking up in my Post Mormon life!



Are you curious about me and my ideas? What would you like me to explore? Message me!



Till next time!



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