If Buddha, Mohammed, and Jesus Christ joined hands and strolled down Westheimer turning automobiles into unicorns while singing "Blasphemous Rumors" I don't think it would get as much coverage as that infernal karaoke machine at George Bush Intercontinental Airport (including right here at Hair Balls). And so, to commemorate this latest attempt to put Houston on the cultural map, here are some memorable karaoke scenes from the movies.

5. Duets (2000)

I just returned from a meeting with Paul Krugman, Alan Greenspan, and the ghost of John Maynard Keynes, and they all assured me America's current economic crisis is divine retribution for resurrecting Huey Lewis' career.

4. The Cable Guy (1996)

There was a time, not so long ago, when it seemed like Jim Carrey could do no wrong. Then he teamed up with the Comedy Doombringer, Matthew Broderick. The line from that moment to The Number 23 is a surprisingly short and straight one.

3. When Harry Met Sally (1989)

You remember the 80s, that magical decade when Meg Ryan wasn't box-office poison, the Sharper Image was still solvent, and karaoke was still a novelty and not the omnipresent source of annoyance that makes it nigh impossible to have a quiet drink anywhere in the entire fucking country. At least the pertinent part of the scene is the beginning, so you can stop the proceedings before Billy Crystal's whining gets out of hand.

2. My Best Friend's Wedding (1997)

Making it impossible to root for either of the female characters -- one a conniving man-thief the other a credulous ditz -- makes this movie's not-so subtle pro-homosexual agenda that much clearer. The fact that this scene doesn't hold a candle to Rupert Everett's rendition of "I Say a Little Prayer" is no coincidence.

1. Lost in Translation (2003)

Aside from the opening derriere in the windowsill shot, Bill Murray revisiting his old 'Nick the Lounge Singer' character from SNL might be the best part of the movie. Because for one shining moment, we don't have to endure Scarlett Johansson attempting to act.





-- Pete Vonder Haar