

Sep 1

i only like rappers whose myspace pages crash my browser



Sep 11

sudden urge for taco bell on 9/11 so intense just now i could not move for 3-5 seconds



Oct 2

wish i could drag & delete files in succession fast enough that the 'Empty Trash...' noise becomes the sound of fire



Oct 29

asperger's-y grocery checkoutboy advised me to "slow down & enjoy the 10 cents you saved using your kroger plus card on this soy sauce sale"



Nov 19

Raekwon's booking agent has an AOL email address, real talk



Dec 6

mechanic noticed my subwoofers, took me to his car to show me his 2 8" Walmart stereo speakers & how much bass they get, offered me nyquil



Dec 15

if you play the audio file of the Apple 'Empty Trash...' noise backwards it sounds like a very tiny Taco Bell catching on fire



Jan 5

thought the lights were off in the room & went to turn them on & flipped the switch & it got darker



Feb 11

caught myself meow-singing what felt like an alt version of the national anthem while looking for the 10th time today into my empty fridge



Mar 7

mom called this morning to suggest that i send a copy of my books to Johnny Depp because "he's quirky & likes to read & has a dark side"



Mar 25

accidentally called Soulja Boy "Shoulder Boy" out loud & now i can't think of him any other way



Apr 4

everything in hell is exactly the same as it is here except Robin Williams plays the lead in Forrest Gump



Apr 9

if you lost control of your clicking hand for even just a few min anytime online there are so many ways you could fuck your whole life



Apr 10

got minutely choked up watching awards ceremony for some "hip hop cheerleading" championship on espn, probably should reread the Iliad



Apr 13

Ukrainian cabbie giving me 20m lecture on benefits of ebooks: "is good for large library to have & search exact" "children no need bookbag"



Apr 22

any rapper could be humbled by repeating his lyrics back in a British accent



Apr 25

what's the emoticon for my laptop is overheating against my thighs & penis but i'm too lazy to stand up



May 2

dad doesn't remember my name but he just sang perfect harmony to the entire Bonanza theme song on TV, then said "i knew i could sing it"



May 2

want to lay down & not touch the computer but it seems like it's all over everything in this house & me & my mind & ass & face



May 10

bought some grapes for the 1st time in forever & they taste like coins inside, is this how grapes taste now in the united states



May 12

getting out of bed this morning didn't seem believable, couldn't discern the narrator's motivation or the setting, suggesting full rewrite



May 20

you can't drag the trashcan off the desktop dock, it's the one thing you can't get rid of, it is always there waiting, the trashcan



May 20

i dragged all the pictures of me on my computer into the trashcan & erased them just now & it made the same sound it does for any file



May 23

opened novel draft, looked at where it supposedly ends, closed it again, went & got ice cream, ate it while googling "suicidal nba players"



May 31

thought "i am interested in having a sexual relationship w/ my space bar" & then my phone started ringing from an unknown number



Jun 1

feels like somewhere TC Boyle is gchatting with a 23 yr old



Jun 12

the worst moment of Prince's life compared to what you're doing right now



Jun 12

all thoughts & images seem to be affixed now with "is there an interesting way to put this online?"



Jun 13

want to go to a family reunion & stand on the coffee table & calmly but loudly ask who wants to fuck



Jun 14

wish i could go running with a small squad of severely obese people who are somehow faster & more efficient than i am



Jun 27

can't stop thinking "i can't believe the student survivors of columbine are already in their 60s"















