Fayetteville, Arkansas, AL, USA, Earth

UNINFORMED SMACK ::

SEC Play resumes this weekend for our beloved Aggies against the Arkansas Razorbacks. This "Uninformed Smack" title is biting me in the ass this week because I think we're all well aware of the Razorbacks here in Aggieland... and then the Petrino incident happened. The Arkansas program has now become an allusion to the oldie but goodie "The Leader of the Pack" (the lead singer of The Shangri-Las was foxy, right?) and everyone is having a field day lining up to throw things at them for it.

Quoth the Cheerleaders from my High School:

They were proud.

They were cocky.

Riding on opponents like a Kawasaki.

Vroom Vroom.

Hey. Hey. Hey.

Vroom Vroom.

Uninformed Smack: I'm going to rev my search engine like Petrino on a Harley. Way too hard. I just need to find an intern. Craigslist? No, let's not get side-tracked. TO THE BIT!

I was under the impression that John L. Smith founded a religion in Utah, but someone told me he coaches football. I hate it when I make mistakes like that. Upon searching for the coach, I found that writing a comedy piece about him would end up sounding far too mean. It's like Terry Crews walking into a 3rd grade classroom, finding the kid that's already being bullied and jumping in. John, seriously, I hope things get better for you. Can't be fun to be in your position right now. I just hope it gets better next week, because this week you're meeting a hungry team who's pissed off at the last three years of messing the bed in competition with your crew a la The Exorcist. Sorry, dude. This can't be your comeback game.

To change it up, I used the Google machine to look up "Fayetteville Arkansas News." Let's get to know what's coming down here. To my surprise, this town is gearing up for a biker rally this weekend. Irony? Sure. Will Petrino be the parade Grand Marshall? You know he's there in spirit. What biker gang doesn't want to hang with a guy out punting his coverage by 5 hotness points and 100 years? He'll be wearing his t-shirt with pride.

In other Fayetteville news, the district recently approved 30 days paid vacation for their Solid Waste Director. Two things: 1) Sweet vacation package, guy. Nice work. 2) Where are you going to put the football team after this weekend? BOOM! BOOM! THAT IS HOW YOU DO A JOKE! SEE WHAT I DID THERE? SOLID WASTE BECAUSE THEY ARE SHITTY THIS YEAR! YOU LOVE IT! JOKES ABOUND!

Le Sigh.

Prediction: Aggies 35 - Pigs 21

A&M gets over the second half struggles against a team that's come back on them before, John L. Smith passes out brownies at the press conference to ensure the appropriate amount of smiles and giggles during Q&A. Christine Michael unleashes the fury from the second quarter on, emerges with immortality after digesting the souls of 6 Arkansas defenders. Kevin Sumlin takes the Swaggercopter to Japan to recruit the top high school Sumo wrestlers to play DT and OG. The Swaggercopter gets sick gas mileage because Sumlin goes all night. YESSIR.