Beth Nakamura/The Oregonian

We can all admit that Portland has its problems. Say, systemic racism, homelessness, lack of affordable housing.

But we've got so much to make up for it, right? The doughnuts! The polite drivers! The weather!

Wrong, actually. Here are 15 things that Portlanders love to love that really aren't that great.

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Weed

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Beth Nakamura/The Oregonian

It's great that weed's legal. Great. But how fun is getting high, really, when you could just watch Netflix and go to sleep and never worry about failing a drug test if you get in a car accident at work?

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Blue Star

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Dave Killen/The Oregonian

Every snob in this city will scoff if you tell them you like Voodoo Doughnut and say, "You should try Blue Star."

But here's the truth: Blue Star doughnuts are just too heavy for casual doughnut consumption. Plus, you know what, some of us actually like the Froot Loops-on-a-doughnut gimmick.

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Oregon Health & Science University

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Mark Graves/The Oregonian

Hi, "Best Hospital in Oregon," why are you so hard to get to and why don't you have a heart transplant program anymore?

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Tilikum Crossing

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Mark Graves/The Oregonian

Meet our pedestrian/bike/transit bridge! Sure wish it were in a useful part of town!

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Powell's

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Mark Graves/The Oregonian

Um how is this a "city of books"?? It takes up one city block! That's less than a fraction of a percent of the city. Come on. It's just math.

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Being mayor here

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Stephanie Yao Long/The Oregonian

No one seems to want this job a second time...

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Sauvie Island

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Mark Graves/The Oregonian

What in theory is a lovely bucolic getaway from the city is actually overrun with the thing that makes cities bad too: people.

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Little Big Burger

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Benjamin Brink/The Oregonian

The burgers are just too small.

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Made in Oregon sign

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Stephanie Yao Long/The Oregonian

It's a sign, guys. Stop freaking out.

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Pizza

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Jamie Hale/The Oregonian

Yes, a so-called "International Pizza Consultant" has

but anyone who has been to say, New York City, knows that just can't be true.

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Timbers Army

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Sean Meagher/The Oregonian

The Timbers Army couldn't fight anyone! They are just a bunch of relatively friendly soccer fans! Overrated army!

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Portlandia statue

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Dave Killen/The Oregonian

The Portlandia statue is the second-largest copper repoussé statue in the United States, after the Statue of Liberty. But isn't second place just the first loser?

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Little Free Libraries

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Motoya Nakamura/The Oregonian

Little Free Libraries seem to have missed the point that regular old human-sized libraries are also free.

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Beer

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Mark Graves/The Oregonian

Who is still talking about Portland's "great beer scene"? So we have a lot of beers, so what? Beer makes you feel full and sleepy and then, after awhile drunk, and awhile after that, hung over. See weed. Why not just watch Netflix at home in your pajamas?

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Old Portland

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Jamie Francis/The Oregonian

If you say you miss smoking in bars, you're either lying or you weren't actually of age when all of Portland's bars smelled like ashtrays and every night out included second-hand smoking a pack of Camels and first-hand smoking a pack of American Spirits.