Why Traveling as a Gay Couple is Awkward

Many people will never experience what gay couples experience when traveling. Or for that matter will never know what it’s like as a gay person to travel. As a gay man, I notice differences between my straight counterparts in how they interact with other people and cultures. For me there is sometimes a certain unease when I meet people from a culture who traditionally don’t like gay people, or at least I don’t know if how they would react if they knew I was. Or perhaps I’m not sure what would happen because they don’t even understand gay people all together. With so much at play it can lead to awkward situations for gay couples.

When I was in Morocco I had the chance to meet local students by sitting in an English led classroom. The topic for the day was on dating and the differences between Morocco and the United States. I think I stand out as gay sometimes because many of the students had already guessed that I was by the time I actually told them. Of course I was hesitant telling them because what they told me before was pretty conservative. Morocco is not exactly the place to be if you’re gay. I didn’t know if I could get in trouble for admitting I was but it turns out they were pretty understanding and maybe perhaps curious. I think this was a good thing.

But I was traveling as a single man at that time. What would it be like when I traveled with a boyfriend? Well the first time I traveled with a boyfriend was back in 2012 and I went to Nepal and China. These two countries, on paper, are not really gay friendly and you could say that it would be awkward if I had kissed my boyfriend in public. Being the first time I didn’t know how to behave, and I think this is one thing that straight counterparts wouldn’t understand. Because there is no precedent in any of these countries towards gay couples, we don’t know what is acceptable. Luckily there are websites and experiences written but attitudes change and sometimes you never know who you’ll meet.

This leads to some awkward situations and sometimes lying. Many times on my travels with my boyfriend, I’ve been asked to “where is my girlfriend,” or “would you like to bring [insert object] home for your girlfriend.” It’s moments like these that make me laugh and blush because I realize that some cultures and people don’t even relate to gays or would consider it. Perhaps they know and don’t want to offend or perhaps they don’t but regardless it creates weird conversations where I end up lying or skirting around the truth.

Which brings me to the point that the world is made for straight people, not for gays. The truth is that as a gay guy, I feel hidden from society much of the time and it feels like I’m carrying around some sort of personal secret. I don’t know when it’s okay to say something and when it’s not. I’m not ashamed that I like guys but out of safety reasons or just for pure convenience I choose to say nothing about my sexuality in certain instances. I feel gay couples have to learn to adapt to different travel settings much more than their straight counterparts. This isn’t always easy and can put a strain on a couple.

I guess the good thing is that the world is changing and people are changing their views towards gay people. I’ve had plenty of great experiences traveling with my boyfriend, usually in places like western Europe, the United States, Canada or gay hot-spots like Puerto Vallarta. In fact in the last 2 years while traveling to some of these places, I have felt invited and I didn’t need to hide my sexuality. In conversation I could freely say that “yeah he is my boyfriend.” Even being open about that brings some inner struggles like how honest should I be or is it really okay to hold hands!? Mentally there is a lot of thinking going on with most gay couples about what other people think.

On a cruise I took with my current boyfriend last year, we actually never felt that awkward for most of the cruise mainly because it was leaving from Vancouver and going to Alaska. However when we were dining together or taking pictures together people would look. I have grown accustomed to that but I still notice people doing it. We didn’t see many other gay people on the cruise so we definitely felt more out-of-place. Maybe that’s why many gay couples like to go on gay cruises or gay themed vacations. Sometimes it’s good to be around people who share something so personal and unique.

For me the worst part is the feeling of danger, misunderstanding and lying. I like who I am and I hate that other cultures don’t understand, won’t understand and some would cause physical harm if they knew. It makes me not want to travel to some countries over others and even affects how we travel as a couple. My boyfriend has let it be known several times that he downright doesn’t want to travel to some places for safety reasons. I’m stubborn and like to see everywhere as potential but he does have a point when gays could be at the very least jailed in 70 plus countries around the world.

For gay travelers whose priority is to travel over concerns with being safe, I’ll tell you this. Keep traveling but if you have to lie, then lie. If the worst thing that happens is the situation is awkward for a bit than it’s really not a big deal and you’ll have some stories. Nobody has to know you’re gay or a couple or love each-other. In fact it can be sort of fun to pretend like you’re just best friends on a world adventure, nobody will question you usually unless you make yourself obvious. Just don’t make it obvious if you feel uncomfortable. Also seriously read up on the laws of the world and the attitudes towards gay in every country and region you travel to, your life may depend on it. My view is though, I got one life to live and I will travel with my boyfriend, however awkward it may be.

images by: shawnvoyage, (top picture is my boyfriend and I freezing our asses off in -35 degree weather in Quebec City)