A couple of weeks ago on Newsbeat we reported how men aged between 20 and 24 were just as likely to be abused by their partners as women in the same age group. Today on 1Xtra the documentary Boys Don't Cry takes a look at male domestic abuse in more detail, including interviews with male victims and a woman who abused her partner. This is Lucy's story...



1Xtra documentaries: Listen to Boys Don't Cry and have your say

It would feel like a welling up of fury, emotion, a cyclone just thrashing around, not in control at all, and the only way I felt I was being an effective communicator at the time was to lash out, whether it be with my fists or legs or biting, pinching, anything.



I would pick up food, scrunch it in my hand and throw it round the room, and then walk out and I wouldn't come back until it was all tidied up. I hit my husband in the face with a boot and broke his nose. With my last husband I threw a teapot of hot tea over him.

On the very last occasion, and I wasn't even aware that I was doing it, it was only what he told me afterwards. We were at the top of the stairs, he was going down backwards and I was pushing him, punching and kicking. By the grace of God, he didn't miss his footing because I could have been done for murder or manslaughter.



I considered it to be the normal, run of how a row went. I didn't consider it to be domestic violence. It was a pattern of behaviour that I had subconsciously learnt as a child, where I used to have these eruptions where I used to run away and come back when I felt calmer and it just grew out of control when I became an adult.



At the end of a cycle of violence I was evicted and arrested. I was charged originally but because I sought psychiatric and psychological help, the charges were dropped. It makes me feel like I failed. It doesn't make me feel good.





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