It’s no secret in the hip hop community that 6ix9ine is the king of trolls. The rapper has started beefs with a seemingly patternless array of rappers including The Game, Casanova, Trippie Redd, and now Chief Keef! In fact, the rapper has gone so far as to take Chief Keef’s baby mama claiming, “If you’re not going to take care of her. I will.”

I knew then that my girlfriend could be in better hands. It was fairly easy for me to get the rapper to start a beef. I made one single SoundCloud rap “Tekashi Sux” and within minutes he was at my door with some roses and chocolates for my girlfriend.

He took her to the Gucci store, pampered her like a queen, and even talked to her about her mother. At first Sarah, my girlfriend, was a little hesitant. But I explained it as simply as I could. “He’ll take care of you.” And then she understood.

“He’s genuinely sweet,” Sarah says, “I was kind of put off because I didn’t know who this guy was. Or why his hair was like that. I still don’t know who he is, or why his hair is like that. But, let me tell you, I’m well taken care of.”

I can’t stress it enough, 6ix9ine has changed my life. So, fellas. If you’re starting to feel like you can’t take care of your girlfriend, money is tight, maybe the romance is gone… Just start a beef with Tekashi. He’ll scoop her off her feet.

He’s even insisting on taking my little sister to her 8th grade formal. So generous!