Will scientists ever stop destroying our lives? We're sorry to report, men, that according to a new study, masturbating throughout your 20s and 30s will totally give you cancer.

A UK study of more than 800 men found that internet porn really came along at the wrong time, for you:

Men who are very sexually active in their twenties and thirties are more likely to develop prostate cancer, especially if they masturbate frequently, according to a study of more than 800 men. However the UK research team also found that frequent sexual activity in a man's forties appears to have little effect and even small levels of activity in a man's fifties could offer protection from the disease. Most of the differences were attributed to masturbation rather than sexual intercourse.

Don't worry dude. They also found that men who get prostate cancer, on average, had more sexual partners. So, you know, that's probably how you got it. [Science Daily]