What the pre-Constantine Roman Empire started, Starbucks has finished: Christianity has been exterminated! One ombre-faded-red cup was all it took. But it's almost like things have come full circle: the pagan holiday of Saturnalia was co-opted by Christmas sometime in the 300's -- the tree, presents, and charity were kept along-side a fat saint breaking-and-entering and a 13-year old giving birth to God himself in the dessert.

For a brief period, Christmas was pure. The good old days: when men were men, some segments of society were enslaved, and women knew their place. It was an era of uninhibited virtue.

Now the pagans are back for revenge!

Starbucks has swooped in, dragging innocent Christians to the Colosseum where thousands of onlookers will watch them be devoured by red paper cups.

"Persecution is back, bitches! This is our holiday now, so bow and pray facing Seattle!"

We at RAYGUN welcome our new religious overlords! Our "Christmas is Canceled" shirt and sweatshirt are available in Tall, Grande, and Venti. Below are the items for sale and then some ideas we didn't use. But if Lord Starbucks wants them, we will oblige. #InHisService