BBC Question Time audience to be put in control of Britain’s departure from the EU

It has been decided that the BBC’s Question Time audience are best qualified to make sure Brexit happens properly, as they clearly know what they are talking about.

As always, the BBC carefully selected yesterday’s audience to represent a balanced cross-section of Britain’s political landscape, assuming that if by ‘balanced cross-section’ you mean a bunch of xenophobic middle-aged northerners in a run-down pub who have always been a bit suspicious of that family who moved in down the road and who detest hearing people speak Romanian on the train.

Conservative ‘leader’ and Prime Minister Theresa May made the announcement this morning telling reporters, “I was very impressed with the Question Time audience yesterday; what a wonderful group of democracy-upholding, patriotic, positive Brits.

“One person compared Jeremy Corbyn to Hitler, which I thought was splendid, and another called Angela Merkel a communist, which pleased me greatly. And yet another called the leave vote ‘overwhelming’, despite voting to remain themselves, which is exactly my view too.”

She explained, “So we have decided to give that group of people complete authority over the Brexit negotiations, any decisions on the transition length and also full power over how much, if anything, we pay as a divorce bill.

“Maybe they will decide to pay the EU nothing, and tomorrow morning kick out every European currently living in Britain, who knows?

“Obviously this would be a bit of a U-turn on my part, but that would hardly surprise anyone, would it now.”

Chief negotiator for the EU Michel Barnier responded, “If it makes a change from discussing these issues with David Davis then bring it on.

“If I had to spend another day with that grinning, hopeless buffoon I would have gone insane.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!