Why Are So Many Women Man-Haters?

And Why Do I Too Often Remain Silent?

Photo Source: Pixabay

“Ed brought me roses today for no reason,” I say, still feeling the warmth that spread through my chest when my husband handed me the bouquet earlier in the day.

Donna rolls her eyes. “Which wine shall we order?” she asks, looking around the table.

There are five of us at ‘ladies’ night out.’ We don’t know one another well, having just recently moved into the same neighborhood.

Donna sits to my left, a rather large woman, with smallish sharp eyes that sometimes sparkle, but often seem to pierce. I know Donna has never been married, and something about men seems to make her bristle.

Across from us sit Linda and Lucy. They’ve both been married for over 40 years, but I’ve never heard either of them say a good thing about their husbands.

Linda glances up from her menu. “So what did Ed want from you?”

“Nothing. He just wanted me to have them,” I say, feeling like I must have said something wrong.

“Well, they always want something from you.”

“Unless you keep your distance from them.” Linda and Lucy raise their right hands and smack a loud high-five.

I look to my right. Mischelle, the fifth person in our group, a petite woman with thick dark hair, is quietly studying her menu. Why doesn’t she speak up, I wonder? Why doesn’t she say something to counter these attacks on men? I know she adores her husband.

I softly kick Mischelle’s leg under the table, but she ignores me and continues to read the menu.

We’re all familiar with misogyny: Woman-Hating. Most of us are less familiar with misandry: Man-Hating.

But it’s just as toxic.

I’m all for feminism, but this is something that feels very different. The official definition of feminism, according to Dictionary.com, is “the advocacy of women’s rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes.” The basic premise of feminism is standing up for women’s rights, rather than taking men down, or attacking them.

By contrast, the official definition of misandry is “the dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against men.”

It’s not at all clear how prevalent misandry is today. I’ve searched for, and haven’t found any gender attitude statistics. But when I experience it around me, it seems deep-rooted and sweeping.

After we place our orders, Lucy says, “Tom went off on one of his tirades again last night. He’s such an ass.”

“Dump the loser and move on,” says Linda.

“I’m so happy I’m single.” This from Donna. Only instead of sounding happy, it seems to me like she’s angry.

I wonder, at this time of toxic masculinity from our president on down, are women jumping on a bandwagon to hate all men? Even really good men?

And, more important… why aren’t women like Mischelle and me standing up to defend the really, really good men in our lives, rather than shrinking back and remaining silent when we’re around the man-haters?