It’s time once again for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at this week’s new releases!

Tiffany – Born Again

I was worried that it was going to be some awful Christian crap, as it turns out it’s just some awful crap. Also why does Tiffany look like a bleached tumbleweed.

Iz*one – Suki To Iwasete

Starts very promising but not much of a chorus unfortunately. And stop asking about Eunbi, I still can’t tell which one she even is. Give me at least another six months on that.

Imfact – Only U

It’s alright and probably the best of a very bad bunch of songs this week, but every time I hear that chorus where they do the heavily enunciated “YOU!” I keep expecting “Crank That Soulja Boy” to come in and it kind of ruins the whole experience. I swear that dude has wrecked the word “you” for a generation.

Some guy from High School Rapper 3 does a thing with Minty

And it’s dogshit, like everything else Minty has touched so far. Even the guitars can’t save it.

Yoyomi – Stew

You know it’s a bad week in k-pop when even the trot isn’t any good.

Roe Tae Hyun – I Wanna Know

I’m so sorry that nothing good has come out.

B1A4 – A Day Of Love

“We’re bestest buddies ever” studio footage of k-pop groups is truly a terrifying thing.

Haruna – Like A Movie

Notince how the reels on the stereo in the first shot aren’t moving. They couldn’t work out how to make the music play. If only.

Nieah ft. Syler – Deserve It

Nope.

Lim Chae Eon – Like A Flower

All those trees have no leaves because they died from Shit Music Disease after they played this ballad to them.

JaeHan – The Untold Story

It should have been left untold.

Kyung Dasom – Your Time

To be clear, this isn’t that Dasom, but the other one. I can think of better uses of your time.

Lee Seok Hoon – Don’t Love Me

Don’t worry, I won’t.

Twte – Somewhere We Are

Boring R&B is for nugus too!

Twoet – If I Say I Love You Again

Is any girl out there really impressed by k-pop ballads. Personally I wouldn’t return his calls until he brought out some bops. Take a stand, ladies.

Ovan ft. Vinxen – Snowflake

This sounds like mumble rappers trying to do an acoustic ballad for bucks. Shameful.

LeeSoRa ft. Suga – Song Request

Actually this doesn’t stand out as particularly awful. I guess like almost everything with BTS people in it these days it pretty much makes no impression at all.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK

A-Teez “Say My Name” MV Reaction

It’s easy to think that we’ve reached a nadir with “reaction content” when people are “reacting” to content that they spent hours producing themselves as if it’s their first time seeing it. But then you realise that these kids are legitimately kept so fucking in the dark about their own creative process that this could very well be the first time they’ve actually looked at it. That’s how video directors get away with a lot of the shit that they do – when you’re filming scenes but aren’t being told the context, they way you get presented in the final product could vary quite drastically from your own expectations. That’s why Gayoung was shocked by the milk-drinking scene in “Marionette“. You can never assume anything about this shit. Sometimes the boys and girls are completely aware and down with it – and sometimes they don’t even have any idea. So when you see a “reaction” video by k-pop stars, one of two possibilities is true – either they’re lying to you, or they’re the ones being lied to. There isn’t much in between.

That’s all for this week’s roundup – Kpopalypse will return!