I’ll be the first to admit that I had never heard of Centerplate, the concessionaire company responsible for selling you $8 hot dogs, $13 cups of beer, and $7 bags of peanuts when you either go to see large men beat each other stupid on Sundays — when they’re not beating their girlfriends — or at monster truck rallies put on for folks who can’t blame their stupidity on a concussion. I thought Aramark — purveyor of nutritious maggots — had that whole gig wrapped up.

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But when Des Hague, CEO of Centerplate, made national news after elevator camera footage showed him going Reggie Roby on a defenseless puppy, Centerplate got some unwanted attention and all the concessionaire’s lawyers and all the concessionaire’s crisis management people were put on Red Alert to stop the bleeding.

We don’t know a lot about Des Hague, outside of the fact that he is a multi-millionaire, and that he is an asshole.

Because what kind of person repeatedly kicks a puppy for doing nothing other than patiently laying down in en elevator? Hint: an asshole, that’s who.

Here is the video, judge for yourself:

Having been caught, Hague’s attorney released the following statement :“I am ashamed and deeply embarrassed a minor frustration with a friend’s pet caused me to lose control of my emotional response. I would like to extend my apology to my family, company and clients, as I understand that this has also reflected negatively on them.”

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Two things here…. first, “lose control of my emotional response,” reeks of PR bullshit which probably began as “I’m a rage-filled dog-abusing dick,” and then was sanded down and polished to a smooth and glossy sheen believing the public would find it easier to swallow because, you know, he was ’emotional” at the time and responded poorly.

Secondly, Hague said it was a friend’s dog, however spokesperson for the BCSPCA said on Monday that the dog Hague was kicking belonged to him, not a friend. Apparently Hague believed that kicking a friend’s dog is somehow more acceptable. Yeah, no, it’s not, you dickhead.

Hague has agreed to attend “anger management classes” which we all know are bullshit refuges designed to provide cover for the rich and famous who some how haven’t figured out after reaching adulthood, and in Hague’s case, that it is not acceptable to kick the shit out of a puppy.

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For their part, Centerplate, having weighed all the pros and cons — by which I mean they contacted all of their big clients and asked if they were going to get fired which is unlikely with the NFL season starting next week — issued a statement saying they were very very very disappointed in their puppy-abusing CEO and that he promised them he totally won’t do it again … at least within view of surveillance cameras.

Also Hague will perform 1000 hours of community service (don’t count on that lasting too long) and will spend $100k creating the Sade Foundation –named after the dog, not the Marquis de or the boring singer — which will support the protection and safety of animals. Like all foundations, I think we can expect this one to be a tax deductible one. Well played, Centerplate accountants!

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In the meantime, you can either enjoy your $13 beer and $8 hot dog at these venues safe in the knowledge that it is one dog Des Hague hasn’t kicked, or you can sign this petition and remind Centerplate that a person’s character is judged by what they do when they think no one is watching.

[Hague image from Centerplate Facebook]