Hey Dad, You Got This

First off, congratulations. You’re going to be(or already are) a dad. This is, quite possibly, the greatest thing you will ever do with your life. You have been chosen and given the opportunity to be a dad. You have the chance to do great things. Or, like many others that came before, you can flop. It’s okay to be nervous. Every parent has been there. Parenting is a big deal. How do we know we are doing it right? The thing is…we don’t. Not at first. The only thing we can do is our best. The reason I am writing this is to give some advice. Advice that every dad(or parent) can use. I may not be an expert, but I have seen some great dads throughout my life, and I follow their example. These are the things that I believe a dad(or parent, in general) should do in order to really rock it as a dad(or parent). So, let’s dive right in and get to it.

1. Be there.

If you have to pick one piece of advice to walk away with from this blog post, pick this. Be there for your child. Always. Your child looks to you for your example, your support, your love, your guidance. If you aren’t there to show them those things, then you are not doing your job. The job that God has trusted you with. You have to be there for your kids. Trust me, it makes a difference. No. Scratch that. It makes THE difference. Without you, your child is prone to fall into bad habits, bad crowds, and bad ideas. I have seen too many kids whose parents are absent, in one way or another, taking their lives in the wrong direction. If you want to give your child the best chance to succeed, be in their life as much as you can.

Now, I am not, by any means, saying that you have to be with your child every second of every day. That’s not feasible. I am saying, be present in their life. For many of us, that is easy. For others, it is not. Make an attempt. If you are being held back by forces beyond your control, then do what you can to let your children know that you are there for them. No matter what. Take the time to show them that you care. Leave that door open.

2. Be engaged.

This goes hand in hand with number one. It’s not enough to just be around your child. Engage yourself with them. What are you showing your child if you are there, but you don’t even give them the time of day? Get on their level. Do what they want to do. Play their games, no matter how silly you think that game may be. My wife and I once sat with our son, Finnegan, for about twenty or thirty minutes just popping a balloon back and forth. He thought it was the greatest thing ever. Read books to them. It is so important to read to your child. You are helping them learn many things, such as speaking, interacting with others, bonding, and even how to read themselves. Make it a habit to read to your child every night before bed. It will go a long way. Talk to your children. I know, sometimes your kids don’t have much to say, or you may not find what they are saying very important. That doesn’t matter. You need to talk to your child. Find out what they think. Listen to how their day went and tell them about yours. Listen to their hopes and dreams. You will find out quite a bit that you may not have ever known. So, get engaged with your kids. Enjoy it. I know they will.

3. Be consistent.

Try not to confuse your child. Consistency is key. You have to “stick to your guns,” so to speak. Think of it like this. If you go to work and ask your boss for a day off(for whatever reason) and they tell you, yes, and then next week you do the same thing(man, you take a lot of days off, eh?) and they tell you no, you are going to be confused. The same thing applies to children. If you tell them one thing and then come back and tell them something else, you are going to confuse them. This can cause its own set of issues that you don’t want. Just be consistent. If you tell them no cookies before dinner, no cookies before dinner, darn it. This goes for all things, big-small, important-trivial.

Also: Parents need to be consistent across the board. Mom can’t say one thing and then Dad say something else, and vice versa. Kids can pick up on the inconsistency and use it to benefit themselves. There is also the chance that it becomes a situation where one parent is considered the “nice” one and the other is considered the “mean” one. You should be a team that is united. Both of you should be responsible for taking care of business. Discuss the issues that come up constantly and agree on how to handle those things.

4. Be accepting and supportive.

Last, but certainly not least, is to accept and support your children no matter what. Your child is your child. There is no changing that. You may not always love their decisions or actions, but you should always love them. Accept the choices they have made and, if reasonable, help them to achieve their goals. This doesn’t mean that you should let them do something detrimental to their health or anything that is illegal because obviously, you should not. I mean the choices that aren’t going to hurt them. Choices like what sport to play, how to dress, or what job field to pursue. If my son were to come up to me and say(a fantastic achievement, considering he is one) that he wants to dance ballet, well, I am going to help him become the best ballet dancer I possibly can. I will dance with him, if he wants(I doubt he will, I’ve got clumsy feet…foot? Anyway…). It is more important for me to help foster my son’s passion than it is for him to do what I want him to do. Accept your kids for who they are. It’s that simple. Love them. Embrace them. Foster their passions. They will be happier for it.

And that’s that. I firmly believe that if you can do these things, you are going to do a great job raising your kids. I won’t say that it’s easy or that it’s simple, but I will say that it is so worth it. Do your best because if you don’t for your children, who will? Don’t worry, Dad. You got this.

Thanks for reading, and remember:

One foot in front of the other…sort of.

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