INDIAN RIVER COUNTY — Who keeps their crack pipe in their rear end?

Especially while riding a bicycle.

According to an arrest affidavit from the Indian River County Sheriff’s Office, a 34-year-old woman from Vero Beach does.

The apparent case of the cyclist with the drug pipe in her duff began about 2:25 a.m. on Sept. 26.

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A deputy reported stopping the woman in the 700 block of 11th Street after spotting her on a bicycle without lights.

She had a screwdriver in her front pocket.

“As I continued searching (the woman) I was able to feel an item in between her buttocks,” the affidavit states.

Buttocks, also known as the hindquarters, derrière or gluteus maximus, are “either of the two fleshy protuberances forming the lower and back part of the trunk,” according to dictionary.com

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In general, the cramped vertical space between the buttocks is not commonly used to store items, and in particular, not things that are placed into the mouth.

Meanwhile, the woman tried “to touch the area in which I had felt the item,” the affidavit states.

The deputy reported the woman declined to follow instructions, and eventually got “taken down to the ground.”

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That’s when deputies reported plucking the crack pipe, which had black residue, from the woman’s posterior.

She was arrested on charges including possession of drug paraphernalia and resist arrest without violence.

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