In an Asian community, when it comes to knowing other people’s business, not a lot is out of bounds.(Picture: Jaz Rabadia)

I’d always had a particular view of the way my life would go.

I was convinced I would follow the same path as many others in my family and wider Indian community; complete my education, secure a lucrative job, get married and then go on to start a family.

Three out of four of those were fairly straightforward – I graduated with a first-class degree in mechanical engineering, started a job within the energy industry straight after university and married the love of my life.

But accomplishing the fourth milestone took us nearly three years of struggle and heartache.


As a British Indian, I’ve always felt like I’ve have the best of both worlds.



The freedom and opportunities of the west and the amazing traditions and culture of the east. And, being part of the wider Asian community, I was never too far away from a helping hand.

Whatever I needed, I knew there was always someone who would be willing to support me at the drop of a hat.

However, there is a pay-off.

In an Asian community, when it comes to knowing other people’s business, not a lot is out of bounds.

When I started working, aunts and uncles would ask me how much I earn.

Before I got married, there were constant remarks that I wasn’t getting any younger.

Unsurprisingly, soon after the wedding, the expectation of having a baby began.

My husband and I had tried to conceive naturally, and after three years of trying, I could feel the pressure mounting.

I think the best way for infertility to become less taboo – both in Indian communities and others – is for more people to talk about their experiences so that we can learn from, understand and connect with one another.

I’d had people incorrectly congratulate me, unnecessarily quiz me and awkwardly put me on the spot when it came to my pregnancy status.

Aunties asked when I’d be starting my own family (as if I wasn’t already trying), elders commented on the weight that I had put on (because of all the medication I was taking) and people assumed that I had put my career ahead of starting a family (even though we had been actively trying for years).

Regardless of how common fertility issues are, there is still a social stigma attached to them. In the Asian community, this is amplified.

There is a huge lack of awareness of just how many couples it impacts, and more importantly the physical and emotional toll it takes.

Many are curious about who is at ‘fault’ and often the assumption is that the woman is lacking.

When you’re in the emotional tornado that is infertility, this especially can be so detrimental. It’s one of the reasons I couldn’t face talking about it with people – I couldn’t face them talking about me.

Big families are part of the Indian identity, and by not being able to realise that dream, I could feel my own identity eroding.

My journey to motherhood consisted of years of trying to conceive naturally, a miscarriage and a failed round of IVF. It was a voyage of heartache, hope and self-discovery.



After a second round of IVF, I had a successful pregnancy and am now the proud mother of a beautiful baby boy.

Earlier this year, I decided it was time to take action and share my story in the hope that it would help others in a situation akin to mine and perhaps confront the taboo.

I was shocked at just how many women from the community responded to say that they had gone through something similar but had never discussed it with anyone.

Many said they felt inspired to talk more openly about the subject and to share their own stories.

One mother even told me that she had shared a blog I had written on the topic with her 16-year-old daughter, to help de-stigmatise the subject from an early age.

I think the best way for infertility to become less taboo – both in Indian communities and others – is for more people to talk about their experiences so that we can learn from, understand and connect with one another.

It is the most powerful tool we have to normalise the subject and makes it easier for those who might undergo similar experiences in the future.

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