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The state of South African politics is rather pathetic. The players include a scandal-ridden president who is mocked, both locally and abroad, and his self-interested party, which seems intent to pillage the country to the benefit of its friends and family. At the other nasty extreme, lie the so-called opposition parties who appear more adept at Twitter and mindless rhetoric than at showing any sort of strategy or political savvy.

So where does this leave South Africans, come the 2014 elections? On the 7th May 2014, voters will once again be left with some obvious, and rather sad choices:

1. The Incumbetent ANC

This choice is a no-brainer for all those currently benefiting from juicy state tenders and their families. Die-hard optimists that have probably not been weaned off acid since the 70s might also be inclined to give them another chance – after all, it’s only been twenty years and we’ve only lostdue to a destroyed education system and incompetent leadership, so far.

This will also likely be the choice of part the masses who still naively believe the ANC’s election promises about service delivery, education, healthcare, and all that other stuff that has apparently been soiled by apartheid for centuries, if not millennia, to come. Failing that, free food handouts, the odd bonus t-shirt and prancing around singing struggle songs about the bad ol’ days seems to have done the trick in previous years.

ps: if you like our new word incumbetent, please send a note of thanks to Wonkie’s think tank for its creation.

2. The White DA

A party still firmly entrenched in the struggle. The struggle to brand itself as anything other than a party for white people, that is. Although, in true, they did try appointing a token black leader. No, Wonkie is not referring to Mamphela Ramphele. One need only look at their policies to realize why most black people in their right minds will not consider them a viable alternative.

While the ANC is happy to blame everything, including their own incompetence, on apartheid, the DA seems to have positioned themselves as wanting a merit-based South Africa, pretty much discounting all the effects of apartheid as though it never happened. And, they believe this is an equitable way forward.

3. The Lost Agang

Where to even begin with this testament to vision-less, haphazard, idiotic example of leadership. Sorry Mamphela, but riding on the badge of being an apartheid struggle veteran only seems to work if you’re an ANC member. Even Cope, with all its issues in the last election, did more to promote itself. All that South Africa knows about Agang is that it is apparently against corruption (minus the small question marks against how its leader acquired her wealth, and how much of it there is).

The utterly stupid events over the last few weeks with respect to joining forces with the DA, and then not, takes Agang’s credibility firmly into negative territory. Many Agang party members are not even sure if they’re going to vote for their own party, given that Mamphela did not even consult them about her decision to engage, then disengage, or whatever with Helen Zille. If ever a business school needed a case study for political suicide, then this would be it.

4. The Promising EFF

Conclusion

, if he can escape the wrath of SARS, will likely be a real option available to the masses. Not an option that exudes mental stability mind you, but hey, you can’t have everything. The masses need only believe his rhetoric, essentially a more activist form of what the ANC has been spewing for decades and very successfully not delivering. Land reform, redistribution of wealth, cake, sushi – it’s all yours. Please don’t ask us how we’ll implement any of it, but with our, you can be sure we can do it.

As you can probably tell sifting through the sarcasm, there is not much choice for South Africans going to the polls this year. If South Africa is to survive, it needs to get rid of the rot. Cushy jobs in government with no accountability have got to go. Real metrics need to be used to evaluate state performance, not easily fabricated stats like matric pass rates that measure nothing of consequence. Technology needs to be used to its full effect to deliver services, enhance education, improve telecommunications, and create jobs. People in the country need to feel safe, and happy.

For Wonkie, the answer lies in some brave, smart, grass roots face rallying the masses with a sensible way forward. One that focuses on getting the basics right: education; job creation; security; and healthcare. A leader with enlightened self-interest, rather than a more-for-me mentality. When such a leader appears, Wonkie will back them.

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If you’re reading about South African politicians’ millions and you’re wondering where you went wrong in your personal financial planning, it’s not too late. You too could suck up to the right people in government and score some big tenders. Or, if the thought of that makes your stomach churn, there is always the easy option of visiting this lottery website, buying a ticket and keeping your fingers crossed.

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If you’re beyond the material realm already or aspiring to be so, do check out the pre-launch offer for Wonkie’s upcoming recommended read: Kineosho Learns to Walk:

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