Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s.

Please excuse the lateness of the lineup lambs lately - we’re a couple busy boys. Now let’s fuck.

WALSH

Transfers:

OUT: Mane and Coutinho

IN (For -4 Points): Alexis and Zaha

I’ve bottled the transfer for brother of Jordan. As much as I love Andre Ayew after further considerations it did not seem like a really smart move. I am also worried about his security of starts even though he seems to be their only quality goal scorer Bilic has been playing different lineups virtually all season and I have no clue what he’s going to do from a game to game basis.

So, I turned my eye on getting Alexis back in. He looked good in Chile’s last game albeit with the obligatory penalty miss so it feels good to get him back right now. I haven’t owned Wilf all season and it felt like a good time to rectify that as a Palace supporter obviously I am coming into it with significant bias there, but, fuck it. Fixtures are terrible but whatever. I want to have fun so I’ll get someone who I love. Phil was blanking his fucking life away for 3 million more so meh. I did give brief consideration for a Soton mid but I could only go up to 6.1 for the slot so Wilf made more sense to me. Dropping both Liverpool guys doesn’t feel too risky at this time. With Lallana dead and Hendo really dead they haven’t been firing on all cylinders since the fall. Mane can fill his boots any given game but dropping him was the only way I could make the money work to get to Alexis so here we are.

GK: TOM goes at home. Expecting 4 points here with some saves. Fine today w Tom. Will probably hold him until I remove for a hit on the first DGW.

DEF: A little bit nervous with Holebas and Amat sat there on my bench entering a post-international break weekend but hopefully my main three fucks all start. Alonso and Bellend should be fine to start even though Bell will probably get 1 point. Main concern is South American Tony V, but, he should probably get in there given Mou’s love affair with him..We’ll see.

MID: Two new lads Wilf and Alexis go. It’s nice to remove two shares of my attack in the Merseyside derby which as Alon mentioned on the pod usually a cagey lowish scoring job full of fouls and cards. I still have Barkley but I kinda wanna hold him for a little while through these two tough games. He’s been fine and hasn’t really done much to warrant removal. Finally Siggy sits like a little Sigmund just toting along and titting. Not sure how / when I will be able to wedge in a Spurs mid…maybe I won’t do at all. Idk. Fuck Spurs.

FWD: Defoe has been very troublesome for my life. He’s provided nothing but 2 pointers since I got him in and I feel like he personally owes me something. The fucker. I will probably turn him into Laddiadini soon, but could really use some points from him for once. Lukaku and Kun round out the group. I feel happy with both of them and am pleased that I was able to hold on to Aguero and still get Alexis in. Hopefully owning both is somewhat of a differential as I still think a Kun explosion is around the corner……

CAP: KUN! Gonna stick with what my gut was feeling on the pod. Even though Alexis is a close second in my thoughts, I’m just gonna go with Aguero and hope he is able to put Arsenal to the sword. Arsenal have looked shitty enough that I have more confidence in City being able to put three past than I do in Arsenal being able to put three past City. Go on Kunny!!!

ALON

Transfers:

OUT: Stanislas and Aguero

IN (For -4 Points): Alli and Vardy

Like it’s fucking 2016 out here I’m bringing it back with Alli and VaRdZzzzzzzzz…

It hurts me to take out Kun, like I was in a fun club and now I’m turning my back on it, I’m sure it will come back to bite me (you should all be captaining Kun) but I really think Alli is vital in this moment. I shouted him on the pod as the most important and best value mid in the game and I stand by that. They have an absolutely scenic fixture run to end the year and Alli is going to bag a ton of ding dongs.

With Ashley Barnes still in my side, playing Spurs, and Gabbiadini being dead I don’t see a third forward within reach that I want. So I’m going 3-5-2 for a little stretch to see how it feels. Vardy I’ve shouted the last two pods and he’s been on fire lately, even donged for England a few days ago. Kun, I love forever, but at his price - we’ve been saying he’s bad value all season for a reason - he’s the only way I could make reasonable money on a transfer to upgrade piece of fuck Stanislas to Alli. Vards in for home Stoke home Sunderland and then probably swap him for Ibra. Feels pretty good for now.

GK: Going with young Jordan lad Pickford at Twatford… Watford are so fucking erratic who knows what kind of performance they’ll put up but Grant is playing at Leicester which easily is worse. Also Deeney might miss out which would be tidy for me (queue up an Okaka hatty).

DEF: Benching Baines in this moment because Liverpool will hopefully fucking assfuck a makeshift Everton backline but I digress. Even though Leighton is on pens I’m going with Matip who still is right on the fucking cusp of dinging in some dongs so let’s go. Federico Fern gets in there for me in a rare cameo but home Boro is just too much of a fuckfest to not tit and then Alonso rounds out my lads as he will never move from this position until the major DGW.

MID: Five man midfield oooo tantalizing I feel like I’m a “clever” twat making a “tactical decision” but whatever; tits of one half dozen the other. Alli welcome back to the squad I wish you the best in all of your donging. The other four keep their place with the luckiest of the bunch being SNODman as his head was in the guillotine but with the Antonio injury and a good fixture at Hull I’ll give him one more week… His time is running out though. Alexis and Mane I still feel are both fantastic picks with huge upsides so I’m not looking to ditch either soon and lastly Razza… At least I still have a piece of the City pie with no Kun. Just hopefully it’s in form Sterling and not fluff everything ever Sterling… time will tell.

FWD: Only two tods steering the boat in mainstay Lukaku - nothing to be said here he’s owned by everyone ever and on fire - and new boy Judas Vardy. He’s a fucking fucker but he’s on great form, some pretty nice stats, and jizzfest of next couple fixtures. I’m sure it will all backfire in my dumb face.

CAP: Jamie. Vardy. Weird one tbh… The fixture, the form, and a GW in general for captaincy. Hopefully he doesn’t fuck me or Kun doesn’t fuck me. But most likely it’ll be a double penetration fucking gangbang. Fuck.