Washington D.C.—

According to Halfway Post sources close to Jared Kushner, the President’s son-in-law is very worried that if Mr. Trump fires Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein he will be arrested by the FBI within ten minutes.

“Jared is super worked up about all of this,” explained a White House aide requesting anonymity to speak candidly. “I’ve never seen him so despondent and depressed. Jared has been begging Trump not to fire Rosenstein, and he has insisted over and over that the Feds would never have raided Michael Cohen’s home and office if Mueller wasn’t also prepared to drop a boatload of indictments and arrests in the event that Trump reacted with a firing spree of everyone related to the investigation at the Department of Justice. Jared’s point of view is that everything is all over, and that they might as well try not to provoke Mueller into speeding up the timeline of inevitable justice so that they can get as many days of freedom before prison as possible.”

Other White House officials agreed that Trump is likely “totally f***ed.”

“Totally f***ed!” exclaimed a White House adviser similarly requesting anonymity. “I’d even venture to say rat-f***cked. Trump may go crazy on Twitter, but everyone else here in the White House staff aren’t total morons like the President. We can read the writing on the wall. Trump just doesn’t know what he doesn’t know, if that makes sense. I know how these investigations work. There is no doubt in my mind that the FBI hasn’t known everything for years at this point. I’ve read the news reports of America’s allies like Britain and Israel and the Dutch giving the FBI and CIA clandestine reports of Trump’s Russian activity. I know how this works. The FBI knows it all, but they just have to find secondary ways to prove it all so that they don’t have to disclose America’s top secret surveillance methods and practices in the public trials, or disclose the surveillance methods of our allies who helped capture some of the incriminating Trump-Russia links. Hence why Mueller is getting so many Trump campaign people to flip on him. Rick Gates, Papadopoulos, mother-f***ing Flynn…it’s all over, man. They’ve all pleaded guilty to these crimes, and here Trump is going around still pretending he’s 100% innocent. Jared Kushner isn’t an idiot, he knows this stuff, too. His fears of being arrested aren’t unfounded. And now, following the Cohen raid, the FBI probably has EVERYTHING they need, you know? Cohen is going to prison, and Trump is screwed whether Cohen cooperates with the FBI or not. I can’t even imagine what kind of game-over-level evidence the FBI just got from those tapes Cohen has reportedly been recording all these years. So at this point Trump is in check-mate, but might be too stupid or egotistical to know it. But Jared gets it. If Trump really had the balls to try and fire Rosenstein and/or Jeff Sessions now in order to try and end the investigation, I would bet anyone $10,000 that Jared Kushner or Donald Jr. gets arrested before the day is over as a clear FBI sign that Trump will not be sabotaging anything. There is no doubt in my mind that Mueller already has Kushner and Jr. pegged for perjury and obstruction of justice. Mueller’s got indictments with their names just waiting to be signed. I think, especially following the Cohen raid, Mueller isn’t f***ing around anymore. I don’t know how Trump doesn’t understand this. Cohen even got raided by Feds from New York’s southern district—not even by Mueller. The FBI intentionally did that so that the Cohen charges are all at the state-level and so Trump can’t pardon any of the crimes away. Trump’s in a check-mate situation. He just hasn’t noticed it on the board yet. The guy is so f***ing stupid it’s difficult to comprehend how big of a moron he is. I used to think Trump was just brazenly vain, but now I realize the guy is just literally a total idiot. I have a bag of popcorn and a bottle of champagne I’m saving for the day Trump is escorted out of the White House by US federal marshals. When I see the FBI coming in, I’m gonna pop the kernels and pop the cork and stand off to the side and have me a good time watching Trump get walked out in handcuffs. I want someone to video tape it and catch me with my glass of bubbly and bag of popcorn watching the show. I hope I go viral!”

(Picture courtesy of the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs Of Staff.)

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