One of the most common questions that comes up in our orgasmic private Facebook group is about blenders. Which are the best? Which are worth the price? Which will give you super creamy T-Crack? And really, there is no easy answer for this because there are so many to choose from. So I brought Lyndsey on board to help sort through the blender fuckery.

Please note that we are not paid, nor are we affiliates for any of the blenders mentioned in this post. As a hard rule, we don’t offer reviews or sponsored posts in exchange for any type of compensation. If you do research online about blenders you will find a lot of blogs that sway one way or the other with brands of blenders that they recommend. Nine times out of ten, these bloggers have an affiliate setup up with the blender company that they recommend.

I always thought this was cheesy because OF COURSE they will tell you that Vitamix is the best if they are being paid by Vitamix! Or Blendtec if they are being paid by Blendtec. Or Ninja if they are being paid by Ninja. So going forward, if you do more blender research, just keep that tidbit in mind.

I will now hand it off to Lyndsey to thoroughly school you on blenders.

xo

Molly

Ok, my fabulous Dirties, listen up! I’m going to give you the 411 on blenders.

Everything you ever wanted to know, and probably some stuff you didn’t. Blenders themselves are not sexy. But! If you think about all the delicious, magical, sensational things that a blender can create from whole plant ingredients, then it becomes a tool of epic proportions, and in our Dirty book, VERY sexy! Omg! Dirty sauces, dressings, soups, spreads, smoothies (see recipe below!), nut butters, and so many phenomenal Dirty cheese sauces that just the thought of it all will make me sob with delight!

There are so many blenders out there that it’s simply overwhelming to Google and read about them. So I’m here to help! Apparently, the top five blenders ordered (in the U.S.) in 2017 were: Vitamix, Blendtec, Ninja, NutriBullet, and KitchenAid. There were also several noted runners-up: Hamilton Beach, Oster Pro, and Cuisinart.

Oh my fuck. My eyes are rolling back into my brain just looking at all the different variations of each! Since they obviously all do the same thing, blend, I’m going to break it down for you with what every Dirty REALLY wants to know: Does it work? Does it last? Will it cost me my firstborn child?

So grab a Turmeric Latte, a big bowl of air-popped popcorn, or even a cold glass of #waterwater, and let’s get down and Dirty:

Vitamix

Does it work?

Directly from the website:

“Vitamix machines have long offered a combination of durability, versatility, and power unmatched by any conventional blender. The Professional Series features preset programs for making smoothies, frozen desserts, soups and purees, and for cleaning that make it the most multifunctional Vitamix yet. Also great for juicing, dressings, salsas, dips, and spreads. Offers variable speeds, and pulse functions that allow total control over texture and thickness. A large 64-oz capacity, BPA-free, co-polyester carafe is lightweight and shatterproof for safety. It’s also the most powerful blender on the market today, bringing true professional performance to the home kitchen.”

Wow, I wonder if it can wash your dishes, rub your feet, and serve coffee afterward?

The reviews on the Vitamix website are outstanding (reading it all, one might think it is something of a magical fairy godmother…). Out of 560 reviews, there are very few complaints, with most regarding the accompanying recipe book, or wishes for extra attachments, or different sized canisters. Omg, some people are never happy. The reviews from other notable sites (including, but not limited to, Amazon and Consumer Reports) were overall highly favorable.

Does it last?

The company states plainly:

“Vitamix warranties cover all parts, performance, and labor. If any part of your machine needs to be repaired or replaced during the length of your warranty (excluding damage caused by user error), Vitamix will take care of it at no charge, including two-way shipping. The company offers a seven year warranty on all models from the original date of purchase. An extended warranty is also available…at the time of purchase.”

On a personal note, my Vitamix sat on the kitchen counter collecting cat fur for six years, until I joined the CFDG meal plans and started using the hell out of it. So we know that it has a great shelf life!

Will it cost me my firstborn?

Possibly. I suppose it depends on how much monetary value you place on said child. Anyway, there are multiple products in the three various lines:

Ascent Series starts at $469-$620+ (The options offered vary in touchscreen versus switches, and automated blending versus total control)

Legacy Series starts at $560-$720+ (The choice here depends on your needs with mix and match containers for every conceivable task)

Personal Series starts at $249-$450+ (These are for individual blending, offer two canisters, extended payment options)

Vitamix also offers Certified Reconditioned/Refurbished blenders:

“They are customer returns or lightly used demonstration models that cannot be resold as new…and offer substantial savings over the cost of a new blender.”

I have a Vitamix 5200 Standard from the Legacy Series. Prior to being a Dirty Girl, I used it several times for green smoothies. Mostly, it sat on my counter and took up space. Now, I use it multiple times for batching on the weekends and occasionally during the week. I adore it!

Blendtec

Does it work?

Directly from the website:

“Blendtec is more than just a blender – it can change your life. Discover how Blendtec has become more than just a kitchen appliance to athletes, parents, chefs, artists, and more. There’s a reason that Blendtec is called The World’s Most Advanced Blender. With technology to make blending simpler and more effective, Blendtec is the ultimate tool for helping you Feed Your Passion. An unfaltering dedication to innovation, Blendtec is the last blender you’ll ever own.”

Good gracious, they’re full of themselves! I bet it cuts, curls, and styles your coiffure, too.

The website also says it perfectly and expertly blends ice cream, milkshakes, smoothies, veggie juices, and soups. It then also goes all Superman on you when claiming: “And ice crushes quickly and completely with a single machine!” I have visions of tall buildings being leapt in a single bound!

The reviews on several websites (including, but not limited to, Amazon and Consumer Reports) are mixed. Some folks are over the moon while others complain that they wish they could afford a Vitamix. It pretty much came down to this: it’s a terrific blender for the price but does not last (see below), poor jar design, and it’s loud. Customers were also unhappy with the fact that it doesn’t have the “Tamper” that Vitamix has and it’s harder to push ingredients down to the bottom to fully incorporate throughout the blend.

Does it last?

All models of the Blendtec come with an eight-year warranty, with three years on the jars/canister. The website says their blenders are “proudly engineered, superior top to bottom, and have the best warranty in the business.”

Apparently, from the reviews, that might be a good thing seeing as how they might not last as long as they should.

Will it cost me my firstborn?

Personally, I think all these kitchen gadgets cost way too much, but this is actually a competitively priced rival to the Vitamix. I think it’s reasonable for the amount of tasks it can perform. You needn’t give up your firstborn for this one, maybe just sell a kidney or two.

There are ten models of Blendtec blenders and they range in price from $279-$799+ depending on current sales promotions.

I don’t have any personal experience with Blendtec, but my neighbor has one and was happy to report that’s she’s had hers for over five years and has no complaints. She uses it approximately three to five times a month for soups, smoothies, and salad dressings.

Ninja

Does it work?

Directly from the website:

“The Ninja Intelli-Sense Kitchen System is a chef-designed automatic blender with one smart base and four high-performance appliances. It boasts 12 Smart Programs with such terrific recipe creations that deliver optimal results every time. Precisely calibrated patterns of pulsing, pausing, and speed create everything from fresh salsa and pizza dough to margaritas and decadent ice creams – all it takes is a simple touch.”

Holy Cow, that’s almost sexual in description! And that’s not all!

Smart Vessel Recognition: “In a snap, SVR recognizes which attachment is on the base and the touchscreen changes to display a unique menu of Smart Programs, enabling one Smart Base to become four high-performance appliances.

Touchscreen Display: “The sleek, flat screen responds to your touch and let’s you select between vessel-specific Smart Programs and manual options. And the durable, easy-to-Clean screen stands up to everyday kitchen wear and tear.”

The reviews (including, but not limited to, Amazon and Consumer Reports) are mixed. The most common Pros mentioned: a powerful stacked blade system that provides a very smooth consistency, it doesn’t take up much counter space as it is small/streamlined/sleek, it’s easy to clean, the containers are BPA free, the blades remain sharp even after heavy use, and it blends quickly.

Cons include: it can be noisy, the base tends to move a little during blending, there have been reports of occasional chewed-up plastic, the lids are not absolutely leakproof, it can have trouble breaking up some seeds such as blackberry and strawberry, it has a definite pressure build up during blending, and there’s some evidence that the motors burn out fairly fast.

Does it last?

SharkNinja is the company that manufactures the Ninja line of blenders, and they offer a one-year limited warranty on all their products.

Will it cost me my firstborn?

No. The blender with all four canisters can be purchased for $200.

I also have a Nutri Ninja Pro/Single-Serve Smoothie Blender. It’s small, easy to use, and at $55, I think it’s a great kitchen addition. It works well for a small amount or when I don’t want to drag out my Vitamix.

NutriBullet

Does it work?

Directly from the website:

“There are many blenders on the market, but there is only one NutriBullet. With its compact size, simple assembly, hassle-free clean up and exceptional nutrient extraction power, the NutriBullet is the ideal tool for health-conscious individuals looking to fuel their exceptionally busy lives. Its unique Extractor Blade twists directly onto all NutriBullet cups, allowing you to extract and drink from the same vessel, which saves time and reduces additional cleanup.”

It also has something called: The NutriBullet Balance with Bluetooth-Enabled Smart Nutrition Sensor. You can “Connect The NutriBullet Balance to your Smart device and get real time nutrition data as you build recipes, customize recipes to your taste, set and track your nutrition goals. It visually counts calories, protein, carbs, fat, and sugar – it’s like having your own Virtual Nutritionist right at home!”

I think my head just exploded. Wonder if it can grow legs, follow you around, and track your workouts as well?

The reviews (including, but not limited to, Amazon and Consumer Reports) were almost all positive. Some of the most common feedback included: it is very easy to use, totally portable and not as cumbersome as the larger blenders, and perfect for one to two people. Most people appear to use it primarily for juices and smoothies.

Does it last?

The manufacturer offers a four-year warranty from the date of purchase.

Will it cost me my firstborn?

No. You can keep your whole passel of kids, all your major internal organs, and STILL be able to afford this sweet little blender. There are four models, with capacity of 24oz up to 45oz, and priced from $70-$150.

I’ve never used a NutriBullet, in fact, the only kind of bullet I have is a little egg shaped toy that vibrates. But that may be way more information than you needed to know… However, my BFF has a NutriBullet and loves it. She makes her morning smoothies every day of the week and says it’s still going strong after two years.

KitchenAid

Does it work?

Directly from the website:

“Our Pro Line Blender smoothly blends everything from fruit and vegetable smoothies to juices, nut butters, and more. It is the ultimate tool for making healthy, nutritious eating easy. Our blender’s high speed motor quickly and easily blends dressings to silky, smooth soups. Our exclusive Thermal Control Jar allows you to blend and heat soup in only five minutes. Blend more and work less with the blender that combines high power, high style, and low effort. Discover the stylish new way to be daring and delicious, healthy and hassle-free.”

The reviews (including, but not limited to, Amazon and Consumer Reports) are generally excellent on every model.

Does it last?

The manufacturer offers a five-year, no questions asked, free two-way shipping, warranty from the original purchase date.

Will it cost me my firstborn?

Yes, they’re expensive… But KitchenAid is a solid brand that’s been around for decades.

They offer six options:

5-Speed Classic, $130

5-Speed Diamond, $160

Torrent, $500

High Performance, $565

Pro Line, $630

Pro Line with Thermal Control Jar, $750

I have several KitchenAid appliances which have lasted for years, but I have never used one of their blenders. My mother-in-law has had nothing but KitchenAid appliances (including one of the new Torrent blenders) throughout her zillion years of cooking for her family. She refuses to buy any other brand and swears by them! Now, that’s a recommendation you can take to the bank!

Damn! That’s a lot of very dry information, but hopefully that little synopsis will give you enough information to get you started on your journey to find the right blender for you. Trust me when I tell you that there is enough information out there to leave you cross-eyed, dumbfounded, and hollering for mercy. This just barely scratched the surface!

Here are a few more notable blenders worth mentioning:

Hamilton Beach

There are 59 different models to choose from, including small single serve blenders that start at $25 and end with a high performance blender for $954. The reviews are lukewarm at best with complaints of burning motors, and broken parts. The manufacturer does offer a limited warranty from the original purchase date.

Oster Pro

There are 36 different models of kitchen blenders offered from this company. They range in price from $20 to $100. The reviews are unkind, so let’s just leave it at that. They offer a three-year satisfaction guarantee on certain qualifying models. An acquaintance of mine has had one for over two years, uses it for morning smoothies, and has had no problems!

Cuisinart

This company offers nine kitchen blenders ranging in price from $70 to $400. They offer a three-year limited warranty from the date of original purchase, but it only covers manufacturer defects. The reviews are mixed but, in general, complaints appear to be regarding a perceived decrease in quality and performance.

BlendWorks

This company offers a nifty, “All-In-One Blender Set with Silicone Spatula, Tamper & Travel Cup” for around $200. It claims to be, “Everything you need to start making fresh fruit smoothies, frozen margaritas, sauces, soups, and anything else that’s on the menu!” They provide a three-year warranty from any defect in material or workmanship. However, shipping costs may apply (unlike Vitamix). It does appear to have a powerful, variable high-speed motor that is comparable to the Vitamix but without the cost.

Disclaimer:

BlendWorks sent a sample blender to Master Dirty Girl, Molly Patrick, to try out. In true Molly fashion, she let them know right up front, that she’d take it for a test spin, but she would be truthful about her opinion and she would not be an affiliate for them or take money in exchange for a good review.

Molly emailed me after she tried it and said: “I tried the blender this morning and it works really well. My smoothie is super creamy and smooth!”

Are you still awake, Dirties? Hold on, we’re almost at the end of this fascinating stroll down Blender Lane. Stay with me while we investigate what our Dirty Wizards use in their own magical kitchens!

What blenders Team Dirty rolls with:

Molly – I have a Vitamix and it blends the fuck out of everything. I love it to bits. My 70’s hand me down blender from my mom is still my favorite. It fought a good fight but after almost two decades with me it finally gave out. After that I used an Oster that I bought at a yard sale for $20 until it died. I resisted buying a Vitamix for a long time because…..#podunkmol. Who the hell spends HUNDREDS of dollars on a blender??!! Well, I finally did and my smoothies and sauces are now dreamy. I can’t imagine going back. #podunkmolgotanupgrade

Tamie – I have the Aldi brand version of the Vitamix. I bought it for $80 in November 2016, but it hasn’t been available since then. I loved it, but the gears gave out and the replacement they sent me doesn’t work anywhere near as well as the original. Vitamix is on my wish list for this year. I gotta bite the bullet and just do it.

Jennifer – I have a Vitamix. This is my second one. Owned the first one for about 8 years with no issues, until the container bottom broke and had to buy a new container. A few months ago we gifted that one to a family member who was having health issues and needed a blender to make healthy smoothies. Purchased a newer (reconditioned) model from Vitamix for a great price. This one has a couple extra bells and whistles that are nice to have, like preset buttons for soups and smoothies. It works just as well as the first one; blending the living daylights out of everything put into it and believe me, it gets put through the wringer on the daily! I’m a Vitamix fan for sure.

Kellie – I have a Blendtec that I adore! Occasionally, I will have to double a sauce recipe in order to have enough volume for it to come out smooth… but it’s perfect for a #sauceho! As long as there is at least 1 – 1 1/2 cups, it’s golden. Also have a mini jar for dry blends – making flours, nut butters, etc. Customer service is top notch. When my 2-yr-old blender started acting up I had a shiny new one within a week (even though it was over Thanksgiving).

Anna – Vitamix. I have worn mine into the ground. I use it multiple times a day for everything. I like the two options of pitchers. Easy clean up. Mine is 8 years old and works just like the first day I purchased it. Same blade and containers.

Karen – I have a Vitamix Creations II that was a gift from my mom on a QVC special. It has the shorter container and has worked just fine for us going on probably six years now. It has a tendency to move around a bit if I have chunkier things in it, until they get pulverized. I’ve noticed that there is something going on with my dial recently in that if I have it all the way to low, it actually goes on a higher speed so I need to keep it at like a 1.5 / 2 (out of 10) for it stay low speed initially.

I recently tried a Ninja blender for a sauce, a soup, and a smoothie. I liked that it had a suction cup bottom (so it doesn’t move around) and the center blade comes out so you can get everything out of the container but it does not get things as smooth as my Vitamix. It also seems to be louder in operation.

Laura – Here’s my bad boy: Blendtec Total Blender with WildSide Plus Twister Jar. I had it for a couple of years before discovering CFDG and it *barely* got used. I primarily relied on a Magic Bullet blender thing. I love my Blendtec because I can fill up the jar, hit a button, and suddenly there’s a smoothie or amazing sauce. With previous blenders, I was having to pulse and adjust what’s inside over and over and end up with a gritty and incomplete mess. (Nothing like taking a drink and pulling a cilantro stem out of your mouth, haha)

Maggie – I have the Vitamix 5200, which sadly sat mostly in the pantry for years before I joined the CFDG meal plans. Now it’s in use almost daily. I love how smooth and creamy it gets everything. It may sound like a hurricane, but it works like a dream.

Thank you,Team Dirty!

The most common, oft repeated, question or statement that I see in the CFDG private Facebook group: “Is it really worth paying all this money for a blender?” OR “Please someone convince me why I need to spend so much money on a blender”

Here’s what I’ve learned:

It IS worth every penny IF you use it! I know that sounds simplistic, but it’s the absolute truth. As with anything that you buy, if it just sits around taking up space, then I suggest you keep your hard earned money in your pocket. Six months ago, prior to signing up for the CFDG meal plans, I would have said that my Vitamix was a total waste of money. It cost way too much for occasional smoothies or green juices. Now it’s one of the top three things I would grab if I had to suddenly evacuate my house. My wife, my fur babies, and my Vitamix, and in that order! I love it and I’ll forevermore look happily upon my sexy, sleek, turmeric stained Vitamix, and possibly even give it a loving, familial, sweet caress as I pass by…

Here’s what our private Facebook group had to say when Molly asked them what blenders they roll with. Keep in mind that this is a group of people who use their blenders on the daily, so you can trust that the blenders they roll with are good for high volume use.

I’m sending you heaps of love and wishes for great joy while on the search, and possible acquisition, of your sexy new blender!

When you get your new blender, pop its cherry with today’s recipe.

You’re welcome.

Lyndsey Hafer-Williams

Contributing writer for Clean Food Dirty Girl

5 from 6 votes Print Chocolate Cherry Smoothie Shake Makes 2 smoothies Ingredients 2 cups unsweetened non-dairy milk 475ml

1 1/2 cups frozen cherries 225g

1 cup packed cup kale 30g

2 very ripe frozen bananas without the peel (about 210g / more or less to taste / always freeze bananas after you peel them)

2 tablespoons cacao powder

1 tablespoon ground flax

1 teaspoon almond extract Instructions Place all of the ingredients into your blender and blend until super creamy and smooth.

Wishing you a happy week. May it be filled with blending plants into delicious magic.

xo

Molly