Spring has finally arrived. The last month was miserable. Cold, and constantly snowing. Apart from a few movie dates with Gussie and a couple of pub nights with the girls I haven’t really left the house, except for work. Today I woke up to a beautiful, sunny morning. After a quick breakfast I ran to the gym for a quick Saturday morning session. This is where I bumped into Li Lo and heard the news of the year… Ben broke up with Hailey! Apparently it happened just a few days ago, and Ben already managed to kick out his tenant from the old house and is going to move back over the weekend. Hailey stays in their current house with all the children.

“Finally!”, I exclaimed, and regretted my outburst right away when Li Lo looked at me sharply.

“Abbie, please tell me you are not going to…”, Li Lo started, rolling her eyes.

“No! No…”, I said, shaking my head vehemently, laughing at the idea. “You know, even a year ago I would have seen this as an opportunity for us. I mean for me and Ben. But now? I’m just glad that he finally got out of that relationship. He deserves better.”

“Like you?”, Li Lo winked at me.

“No, not me…”, I replied, a bit exasperated.

It was true. I think I was surprised by this realisation as well, but I felt nothing for Ben, except happiness because I knew how much he didn’t like the situation Hailey got him into. His sense of duty to his unwanted family prevented him from leaving for a long time, but I think the arrival of the third child a few weeks ago was simply too much for him.

I was wondering why Ben hasn’t told me. Li Lo apparently heard this from Alani, who was informed by a sobbing Hailey over the phone.

“Well, I guess it would have been a bit weird if he called you to announce it just two days after it happened. Don’t you think?”, said Li Lo when I told her what I thought. “Maybe he thought you would think he’s just calling you to score a date and that would look ridiculous. Wouldn’t it?”

Of course, she’s right. I just thought Ben and I are friends. That night we shared 3 years ago is now coming back to bite me in the ass. I had no idea what to do. I didn’t want Ben to think I was just waiting for this opportunity to grab him for myself, but at the same time I wanted to show him my support.

Before I could change my mind, I pulled out my phone and pressed the call button next to his name. He picked it up on the first ring, and sounded happy when he heard my voice.

“Hey, Ben! How are you?”

“Abbie! Great, I’m okay. What about you?”

“I heard what happened,” I said, in what I hoped is a neutral tone.

“You did? Well, of course you would have… I should have known.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I… I don’t know, it’s just…”, at this point his voice suddenly became distant, and there was a loud thud in the background, followed by the sound of something shattering and some colourful swearwords.

“Ben?… Ben? Are you there?”

“Abbie, sorry… this bloody thing…”, there was some more thumping and cracking.

“What just happened? Are you okay?”

“I just dropped one of my boxes. Full of cups and plates. But all is fine! Great, really!”, he gave a little laugh, rather on the hysterical side.

“Let me help you, I can be there in half an hour.”

“It’s fine, Abbie, you don’t have to…”

“But I want to”, I said and hung up before he could protest.

I showed up on his driveway half an hour later.

Ben didn’t have a lot of stuff, so the moving went quite fast. We didn’t talk a lot. Once most of the boxes were unpacked, we collapsed on the sofa. We were both hungry, but too tired to even be bothered calling the pizza delivery. Lying there without saying a word seemed like a good option.

Eventually Ben jumped up and started pacing back and forth. I waited a few minutes, and then he broke the silence.

“I’m screwed, Abbie”, he said with a big sigh. I looked at him, but didn’t reply. So he continued. “I should have left years ago. After the first one. But I though I’m doing the right thing.”

“You tried”, I said, patting his shoulder. “That’s more than what I would have done.”

He gave out a bitter laugh and collapsed back on the sofa. I followed.

“I thought about you a lot. Not in a romantic way”, he added when he saw my face expression. “Well, not all the time anyway. When you told me you don’t want children I laughed at you. I know I already apologised, but I still feel bad. I’m sorry, Abbie. I was stupid. I always though I want kids, and now I have three. I feel more than miserable. I don’t love Hailey. Never have. She trapped me and now I finally left, but I still owe her almost half of my salary.”

“What? You weren’t married!”, my voice came out shrill.

“Doesn’t matter”, Ben shook his head dismissively. “They are mine and now I have to pay.”

“It’s not fair…” I said.

We resumed to sit in silence once more.

Soon it got dark and Ben said I should stay for dinner, he will order take away. I could see longing in his eyes when he looked at me. I knew he’s not really in love with me, just like I’m not really in love with him either, but in his current state of mind we might have ended up in bed again, and he would have regretted it again. None of us needed that.

I gave him a hug and went to the door.

“Abbie?”, he called after me.

“Yes?”

“Thanks for being here for me”, he said with a warm smile.

“Good night, Ben”, I said, as I closed the door behind me.