Ashley, New Orlean’s Queen of Bourbon Street!

The traffic lights of Bourbon Street flicker and turn off whenever Ashley sashays on through to spread the glitter and beautify the streets while commanding the cars to stop, turn or keep it moving. I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve never been to New Orleans, so I’ve never been in the presence of Bourbon Street’s forever Queen, Ashley. Ashley is an icon of Bourbon Street and when she’s not welcoming the tourists to her kingdom, she’s moving cars with her hands like a glamorous Moses in ass-less jean coochie cutters, sensible chancletas and a wig she sometimes uses to wipe up the jealous tears of the haters who can’t handle her beauty and charisma. Queen Ashley makes the jobs of the city’s Beautification & Parks and Transportation Departments a whole lot easier by bringing glamour to the streets while directing traffic. Is there anything she can’t do?

Dlisted reader KatieB pointed me to the #traffictranny hashtag on Instagram, which has pictures and pictures of Queen Ashley making the world a safer and more gorgeous place. There’s also videos on YouTube of Queen Ashley holding court amongst the tourists. Sometimes Queen Ashley even gives the people of Bourbon St. a soft-core mechanophilia show when she jumps on the hood of a car and slathers it with the potent sex that drips out of her pores. KatieB put it best:

Sometimes you can’t wear a wig and a denim thong onesie or people will think you’re a thirsty bitch. I’m which case, throw a towel down on a 98 Toyota corolla and buff that shit out.

How in the hell is Queen Ashley not Beyonce-levels of famous? She’s outdoes Beyonce in both the moves and wig department, and unlike Blue Ivy’s mother, she brings safety to the streets. All Hail Queen Ashley! She’s the public safety officer we all need.