[pullquote_right]I can approach girls I like; but I don’t know what to say. – Every student ever[/pullquote_right]



I’ve coached hundreds of guys how to pickup women, and literally every single one has the exact same problem:

They don’t know what to say.

Even intermediate players get stuck. Guys who’ve been practicing a year or more, trying to get phone numbers, dates, and all that, and they stumble on their words.

Advanced guys don’t have this problem, nor do I..anymore.

This is not a guide on verbal game. This is a reality check. I want to look past the strength of seductive, fun, flirtatious communication at the real underlying problems with your verbal game. Here comes the truth.

You don’t know what to say because…

You Are Nervous

That’s it. You’re too nervous. Your cerebral cortex is dulled when blood flows away from it to your extremities and muscles. Your body is preparing for battle, not sex. The answer is simple: Practice approaching girls and staying in set until you aren’t nervous anymore. It could take a month, a year, or two, depending on how often you practice, and at what intensity. Desensitize yourself.

You are TRYING to Pickup

Instead of trying to be impressive and witty, just let it go. Approach the women. Literally be one with having a boring conversation. Fail at pickup. Suck at it. Ask boring questions. Tell the girl about how you did the dishes before leaving the house. Tell her about whatever tv show you’re into. (Try this out with about ten girls and get back to me in the comments.) Just go out and approach women, and be really, really boring. When you stop trying you take the pressure off yourself, and then with practice, your natural wit and humour will emerge. It’s in there. If you can have a fun conversation with your friends, you can be witty and funny with girls.

She Doesn’t Want to Play With You

You know when you say something you think is witty, but the girl sort of ignores you? Or when you ask her a question she only answers with one word answers? When you try to hold eye contact she looks away? When you try going direct with a compliment and she says, “Thank you,” and turns away to check her text messages? So you go, “I just don’t know what to say…” No…dude.

Now remember that girl that laughed even though your joke wasn’t funny, who talked as much as you did, and asked you questions? Who introduced you to her friends? And you were all high and stoked like you had the best game in the Universe. Remember this — it takes two to tango. If she doesn’t play, it will seem like you have no game. You do. Move on and find a chick that’s down.

You Eject Too Soon

You’re talking, then you get nervous, or she doesn’t play along, so you walk away and think, “I don’t know what to say.” Learning verbal game is like going to the gym or any skill. You need to make every approach last at least two minutes. Stay in set until she tells you to go away, or walks away. This might seem to oppose the above, because it does. It means persitence vs giving up too early. You have to earn the right to walk away.

You’re Worried What People Think of You

You don’t want to look or sound foolish. Guess what? You will anyway. Get over yourself…cool guy.

You Doubt and Judge and Analyze Yourself

The best frame of mind is that of no thought. Don’t think. Just do. Thinking is a major game killer. Let the results speak for themselves and save reflection for when you’re at home writing notes in your journal. Analyzing and beating yourself up will only lower your self-esteem in the field, and for good results you need to be present in the moment, and intensely narcissistic.

Close

And remember your ABC’s: Always be closing. After all, why bother terrorizing yourself approaching all these scary girls and freaking out about not knowing what to say and staying in set two minutes if you’re not even going to close. Just say, “Hey, what’s your number?”

In the end, you just need to chill out and trust the process. If you practice enough, you will get the hang of it. But it takes time to learn. Have fun! This isn’t meant to be scary and embarrassing. Chill bro, relax. Now go practice today, and every day, until you aren’t nervous anymore.

***I travel and teach pickup full time. Contact me today and I will come to your city to coach you.***