I’m behind on posts on the blog for personal reasons (in a nutshell: I’ll be back posting soon), and in the meantime I hope you’ve been reading my Mommyish columns (they can all be found right here). But quickly, I wanted to take a second to address – as I did with the Aurora theater massacre, the Sandy Hook massacre, the Boston bombings, and the Trayvon Martin case – how NOT to talk about horrific, tragic events on Facebook. And that is exactly what the Darren Wilson verdict the grand jury handed down last night is. Completely tragic, almost beyond words.

Social media is still pretty new to us. We don’t always have the language to describe how we feel about a tragedy, or a monumentally important decision made by a judge or jury, but social media compels people to talk. It prompts us to point to the elephant in the room and comment on it. I do understand why people roll two comments into one when every post in their feed appears to be an opinion, tribute (like the anniversary of 9/11), or news link surrounding a singular subject. They feel as though they have to acknowledge it, even if it’s just to brush it off before getting to their current “status,” so instead of appearing like an oblivious moron who’s only aware of her child’s sleep schedule, a person like Megan can feel “secure” in her update.

But one of the things social media has taught us is that what matters rises to the surface. If every post in your newsfeed is about how fucked up a country is, or how racism destroys lives and families – as many of our newsfeeds are today – that’s a social cue. It’s a suggestion to reflect on what’s important in a macrocosmic way. To step outside of your own stupid bullshit and either say nothing (which is always a good option), or constructively lend your voice to the conversation. It’s an indication that right now, no one needs to read about the mundane stuff. No one cares if your kid pooped in the bath, or if he’s babbling like a cutie patootie.

If you have a problem with that, then the problem is with YOU, and it’s actually not funny. Megan might think she’s being goofy and honest by saying she “never thought she would make a post like this,” but when I read her “Hahaha,” I don’t hear a cackle. I hear nervous laughter, because that’s what it should sound like. She should be embarrassed for hijacking a story that, at its heart, is about a teenager being murdered by a cop in the streets of his hometown. She has the luxury of knowing that her baby is still alive. Michael Brown’s parents, by contrast, will now attempt to celebrate their first Thanksgiving without him.

This Thanksgiving, be mindful. Don’t be a selfish asshole. If you are outraged by the verdict in Ferguson, as much of the country is, and as I am, speak out. Take action if you can. Donate to Ferguson’s public library. Educate any racist friends in your newsfeed, if you have them, or unfriend them and make a statement that way. This case has had a huge amount of publicity, but it’s only one story out of dozens of similar stories. We have a lot of problems in the States, but police brutality, particularly against people of color, has cast a shadow over this country for far too long.

At the very least, don’t detract from an important narrative by brushing it off to talk about your kid’s sleep schedule on Facebook. If you want to post about getting a good night’s sleep, go for it. But don’t mention Ferguson in your post. No one in that town has had a good night’s sleep since August 9th. Have some respect by showing respect. And don’t think this decision doesn’t or can’t impact you. It does, and it will, if it hasn’t already.

(submitted by Anonymous)

**UPDATE**

After linking to this post on Facebook, over 200 people unfollowed the STFUP FB page. Many people said terrible things and exhibited, as I wrote in the thread, some of the nastiest and darkest aspects of American society in their comments. But nothing made me feel sadder than receiving this:

This is a little boy. He’s just a kid. And he’s thrilled that a police officer won’t be tried for killing an unarmed teenager who then baked in the hot sun on a street for several hours. He’s filled with glee that the white cop got away with killing the black guy, because that’s what his parents taught him to feel. And he’s standing in front of a Christmas tree, completely unaware that he’s being groomed to have hatred in his heart, possibly for the rest of his life. He might even grow up caring more about the gun on his hip than the humanity that surrounds him, and I find that very sad.

To me, this type of update represents the face of America’s new generation of racists, and I won’t get this child’s manufactured smirk out of my head for a long time. He’s a pawn in his parents’ fucked up worldview, and they’re using him to perpetuate some deeply ingrained prejudices that have existed for centuries. What kind of person teaches his/her child to feel “excitement” over something so tragic? It’s impossible for me to comprehend.