The plan was for Track to be the good kid in the Palin family. The athletically-named son of VP nominee Sarah Palin—who's set to ship out soon for Iraq—was portrayed as a symbol of patriotism on stage at the Republican Convention. But did he only join the Army to escape a life of drugs and crime back in Alaska? The newly famous enlistee gets the full investigative treatment from the Enquirer —which always saves the best stuff for the print version. Which we now have in hand! The young man has partied with some very talkative people. So: while Track was watching his mom enthrall the nation, was he really daydreaming of mainlining sweet, sweet Oxycontin and playing "master" criminal back home? We quote: Track is portrayed as the biggest bad boy in Wasilla. A serious drug problem, vandalism, theft, and partying are his main pastimes, allegedly. Which really wouldn't be that remarkable if the Republican party wasn't holding him up as, you know, a role model. If true, this would make the Palins a caricature: the country family with a pregnant teen, son on OxyContin, and a mom desperately trying to present a respectable face to the world. And failing. And honestly, everyone: the Enquirer does not represent the media elite. So the liberal media should be safely insulated from the backlash on this one. The best quotes from the Enquirer's story:

"Before joining the Army last September, Track partied all the time. I saw him do so many keg stands, and all he ever talked about was getting stoned."

"Track was a master at playing people and paying them to get drugs, alcohol, steal car rims, Xbox games, you name it."

"All the girls loved Track, but he was more into drugs and himself. He used his local celebrity status with the other guys to get them to steal things he wanted."

"I've partied with Track for years. I've seen him snort cocaine, snort and smoke OxyContin, drink booze and smoke weed. OxyContin was definitely his drug of choice."

Track was a full-on OxyContin addict in 2006 and 2007, the Enquirer says, and was mainlining the drug. Which is very bad.

"I've smoked weed with Track many times. He was one of two kids in school that had a fake ID."

And his sister was a party animal, too. [Previously: Palin's Son A Drug Addict, Enquirer Claims]