(I have a patron who has asked for our astrology books, but she has written “astronomy” in her notes. I ask her to clarify.)

Me: “Okay, so are you looking for astronomy or astrology?”

Patron: “Um…”

Me: “Science or mysticism?”

Patron: “Um…”

Me: “Are you citing NASA, or Madam Cleo?”

Patron: *blank stare*

Me: “Sorry; bad joke. Is Jupiter a god, or is it just another planet?”

Patron: “What?”

Me: “I’m just trying to figure out what you’re looking for here. Let’s try this: are you looking for star signs, or just stars?”

Patron: “I don’t understand what you’re asking me all this for. I just want astrolognomy!”

Me: “Let’s try one more time. Would the phrase, ‘What’s your sign’ be in any way relevant to what you’re looking for today?”

Patron: “Are you making fun of me?!”

Me: “I’m trying not to, really!”