If you ever wanted to see a woman who looks like a mash-up of Robyn and Drea de Matteo groping a stone-faced Alex Ovechkin as he holds in a fart for three and a half minutes … Merry Christmas.

Russian pop singer Katyla Lel’s new single “Let Them Talk” features the Washington Capitals captain looking very much like his Madame Tussaud’s wax figure, standing there looking all Blue Steel as Katyla gropes, rubs, hangs, slithers, slides, nuzzles, hugs, climbs and writhes on him.

All the while, Ovechkin is motionless, like he’s watching a teammate defend an odd-man rush.

At one point later in the video, Ovechkin fires CGI pucks at Katyla while she hangs on a hockey net. They all fly by her, so we’ll go ahead and assume she was coached by Adam Oates.

Near the end of the clip, Ovechkin says something to her. Any guesses?

Overall, a striking, sensual video. We haven’t seen something hang on Ovechkin like that since postseason disappointment.

But truthfully, we really miss Smoove Rappin’ Ovi:

s/t Russian Machine Never Breaks