PHILADELPHIA—Trying desperately to come up with a less emasculating explanation for the injury, Andrew McCutchen admitted Wednesday that he was too embarrassed to tell everyone that he actually got hurt playing baseball. “God, this is humiliating. How do you get hurt just running around a stupid baseball diamond? There is no way I’m going to live this down,” said the Phillies outfielder, confiding that he told his neighbors he fell off a ladder while cleaning his gutters rather than admit the truth that he managed to tear his ACL in a sport with minimal movement and almost no physical contact. “It’s not like I was diving for a catch or collided with a catcher while trying to dive into home. Half these guys have pot-bellies and they don’t get hurt. I was so embarrassed at first I told the doctor I slipped on a spill in the locker room. Even that’s tougher than getting hurt playing fucking baseball.” At press time, McCutchen had retreated to the locker room after being bullied by his fellow teammates for his pathetic injury.

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