I always secretly hoped he would change his mind, and the window for me to have children is closing

I love my boyfriend very much. We live together and get along really well. The thing is he doesn’t want children and has been open about that from the start. At the beginning, I told him I felt the same but was secretly hoping he’d change his mind. I’m still not sure if I do want kids myself. My friends think I’m just trying to convince myself that I’ll be OK without having children. I’m not so sure, but the window for me to have them is fast closing (I’m 39). What should I do?

• When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments that appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed.

• Comments on this piece are premoderated to ensure discussion remains on topics raised by the writer. Please be aware there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site.

• If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of about 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns.

• All correspondence should reach us by Wednesday morning. Email private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions: see gu.com/letters-terms.