Six months ago

Everything had gone so wrong.

She had been careless.

She had gone too far.

And in the moments before she had frozen in Athohallan…

All she was able to see...

...was Anna.

"We did this together...and we'll continue to do this together."

She had been so afraid.

Elsa pressed her forehead to hers.

Afraid that she would never be able to see her again.

But staring into the warmth of her sister's tender gaze, reunited with the one who believed in her more than anyone else in the world. The one who had suffered for her. The one who had saved her time and time again...

Elsa couldn't help but smile.

"Together..." Anna breathed.

They had done it.

Pulling her sister's body closer to her own, Elsa fell deeper into the teal of Anna's eyes, trying to convey the thoughts held in her mind.

I want to apologize.

I want you to know how important you are to me.

And...

I want to stay with you forever.

I love you, Anna.

...will you forgive me?

Anna couldn't read minds, but that was okay.

She would tell her, eventually.

There was no rush.

They had all the time in the world now.

After all, as she had told Olaf, there would be no more surprises.

"Actually, there is one more thing."

Kristoff fell to one knee.

And Elsa's heart stopped.

"Anna..."

It had been three years.

"You are the most extraordinary person I've ever known"

She should've seen this coming.

"I love you with all I am."

But even if she did...

"Will you marry me?"

What could she have done?

"Yes!"

Anna choked out a happy sob, and ran forward to embrace Kristoff.

Happiness was confusing.

Elsa had thought that the past three years was happiness.

That the moment she had just shared with Anna was happiness.

But as the blonde stared silently at the embraced couple, Elsa couldn't help but think differently.

Anna looked so happy. So happy in his arms.

So happy that she was growing up. So happy to move on to the next phase of her life with Kristoff.

Are you happy with me?

Eyes still brimming with joy, Anna turned and ran towards her, and Elsa suddenly found it really hard to smile.

She was her sister, and in this moment, she needed to be happy for her.

Be happy for her.

She was brought back to that night...

The night where it all started.

"You'll always have me." The redhead promised.

Oh Anna...

A single tear fell as she hugged her sister.

She had promised to never lie to her again.

To never shut her out again.

But this time…

She didn't have a choice.

"I'm so happy for you."

Elsa had come back to visit for the first time.

She had decided that she would start living in Northuldra.

It had only been a week, but that time apart from her sister had been hard on her, having gotten accustomed to being together with Anna for three straight years.

She would get used to it.

She had to.

Kristoff and Anna were getting married after all.

A new chapter.

Anna would be a wonderful ruler, and with the support of Kristoff, they would lead Arendelle to a bright future, more than she herself ever could.

Modesty was a trait she exhibited openly, but for this, Elsa meant it from the bottom of her heart.

The redhead may be inexperienced, but her courage and her kind heart more than made up for it.

And besides, with Anna ruling, she could focus on protecting the forest now...

The forest that was now at peace…

…with no need of protection.

Frankly, it didn't make too much sense.

That doesn't matter.

This is what's best for Arendelle.

And...what's best for Anna.

What I want...

...is irrelevant

She would just have to ignore the frustrating pain in her heart.

Elsa didn't want to have to bring it out again. But a mantra was still a mantra.

The words she had rehearsed in her mind time and time again made its way to her lips.

"Conceal, don't feel."

They were having breakfast earlier that day. Anna had per usual taken control of the conversation, going on and on about the difficulties of filling out paperwork, which had Elsa smiling amusedly.

The redhead would clearly need some time to get used to her new work schedule.

"I don't get how you do it Elsa, it's just sooooo boring." Anna groaned.

Elsa smiled comfortingly.

"You'll get used to it. I thought you loved reading?"

Anna opened her mouth to argue. "That's different! I like reading important things, like history, architecture, and literature!"

"So politics and managing the economy are not important then?" Elsa's eyes filled with amusement.

Anna looked away shamefully.

"I'm not saying they're not important..it's just...ugh" She finished lamely.

"They don't excite you?" Elsa offered.

Anna jumped up at that. "Yes, exactly!"

Elsa giggled at their exchange. She could always count on Anna to lighten her mood.

The blonde reached for her sister's hand.

"They don't excite me either Anna, but someone has to do it." She said as she drew comforting circles in her sister's palm.

"So I guess it's my turn then..."

Elsa's heart clenched at that.

"I'll be here to help you every step of the way, and your advisors are more than happy to assist you as well." She offered.

"I'd rather just listen to you..." The younger girl whispered softly.

Elsa failed to pick up on what Anna had said and was about to ask the redhead, but was interrupted by the loud groan of the dining hall doors being opened.

Kristoff had walked in then.

Now living in the castle, the taller blonde was more than welcome to partake in their meals.

"Good morning, Elsa. Welcome back." Kristoff gave her a friendly wave.

Elsa smiled back. "Thank you, Kristoff. Have you been enjoying the castle so far?"

"Of course! It's still hard to get used to though." Kristoff rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"How so? The castle staff would be more than happy to make accommodations for you."

Kristoff waved his hands frantically, "It's nothing physical really! Everything about the castle is great. It's just that..."

He sighed.

"I've lived most of my life barely getting by and living in stables. To have a plentiful life given to me by the people I care about, it's a lot to take in, and I'm just really grateful."

Elsa's heart softened at his sharing.

He really is a good guy.

The taller blonde then made her way to Anna, and leaned down to press his lips to the redhead's.

After breaking apart, Kristoff whispered affectionately.

"Good morning, my love."

A surge of violence suddenly invaded her thoughts and startled Elsa.

At that moment, she had wanted nothing more than to freeze the ice harvester's head off.

It would've been easy.

With just a wave of her hand.

What is wrong with me?

Kristoff was her friend.

A good person...had she completely forgotten what the man had just opened up to her about.

How could she even think about harming him?

Elsa shook her head mentally, and after apologizing to Anna for leaving early, dismissed herself from the table.

She needed to clear her mind.

"Elsa! There you are. I've been trying to find you all morning." Anna bounded cheerfully over to the garden bench where the blonde had been sitting.

Elsa forced a smile.

"I was just getting some fresh air."

It wasn't entirely false.

In truth, she had been hiding. Her thoughts earlier from breakfast still disturbed her immensely.

Why had she wanted to harm Kristoff?

It almost felt like...

She was jealous...

Like he had stolen something that she thought was hers.

It made her sick.

Kristoff had been nothing but good to her.

She felt like she should apologize, but that would just confuse the man.

Maybe she should talk to him anyway.

Thank him for sharing his feelings with her earlier.

Elsa was pulled out of her thoughts as she felt Anna join her on the bench and cuddle up next to her.

Before, the close proximity would have never bothered her.

They did this all the time.

But something had clearly changed.

Ever since Kristoff had proposed...

Something deep within her had awakened and it was becoming more apparent by the day.

All the details just seemed that much more obvious to her now.

Anna...

God she was so beautiful.

The way her auburn hair practically glowed in the afternoon sun.

The way her dress hugged her womanly curves so enticingly

And those eyes...

God those eyes...

Radiating liquid warmth at her, like she was the only person in the world that mattered.

She needed this.

She needed to lean forward and taste her.

She needed to feel the touch of her fair skin on her own.

She needed to know what laid beyond that fine line of fragility between them.

She needed...

She needed to stop.

It had been opportune timing as Anna had taken notice of a fellow duckling that had made its way to the bench.

"Aww, did you want to cuddle too little guy?" The redhead gushed, as she bent down to pick up the little creature.

"I need to go pee!" Elsa practically shouted as she shot up from the bench, desperate for any excuse to get away from her sister before she did something stupid.

Anna giggled at her sister's uncharacteristic word choice.

"Okay, well Mr. Fuzzy and I will get to know each other while we wait for you." Anna said as she nuzzled the little duckling.

And now she was getting jealous of a duck

Elsa made her way into the halls out of her sister's view and then slapped herself.

What

Is

Wrong with me?

"Get ahold of your, Elsa." She chastised.

Conceal, don't feel remember?

...don't let it show.

Okay.

She was going to go wash up.

And get ahold of herself.

She would go back out there afterward, and interact with her sister.

Normally.

Elsa took a deep breath, and cleared her mind as she entered her washroom.

It won't happen again.

It happened again.

Every week to be precise.

Two months had passed, and each visit was proving harder for Elsa to deal with these feelings.

She had developed a system of sorts as a countermeasure.

It wasn't exactly a system more so than just refusal on her part to initiate any physical contact.

She prayed that Anna would do the same, but of course that was never the case. The redhead was a specialist when it came to physical affection.

But even with all the hugs and nuzzles for each of her visits back, Elsa had been able to refrain herself from...doing whatever it was that she wanted to do with her sister.

But this...

This would prove to be too much.

Despite the redhead's claim of "never being too old for sleepovers", Elsa knew that the physical proximity from sleeping with Anna would undoubtedly lead to a mistake on her part.

"Elsa, come on! We've slept together the past three years all the time. How are things different now?" Anna whined.

Very different.

Before, I didn't have the every second need to…

Kiss you...

Thought that wasn't exactly true was it?

Deep down she knew.

She had always been...attracted.

But she had convinced herself that it was simply a byproduct of not seeing her sister for thirteen years.

That it was normal...

And before she knew it she had believed her own lie.

Three years of indulging herself in her sister's touch, relishing the attention.

Convinced that the powerful yearning to always be around the redhead was merely an aspect of sisterhood.

And all it took was a proposal, for that falsehood to crumble.

How could I have been so blind?

Whatever this was...

She didn't want to think about it.

She would worry about it later, right now, she needed an excuse to avoid this sleepover.

"I'm tired, Anna. And you know I'm a light sleeper." Elsa attempted at reasoning.

"That's okay! I won't bother you, I promise. Pinky promise!"

The redhead extended her pinky, hoping to convince her older sister.

Elsa raised an eyebrow.

"I'm sure you know, but you're not exactly peaceful when you sleep, with all the fits and snoring." The blonde reminded.

"I only snore sometimes! And I don't move in my sleep!" Anna defended.

She smirked.

"Mhmmm...so I can attribute the blankets always being pulled off of me as the actions of a ghost?"

Anna blushed in response.

"It wasn't on purpose..." The younger girl mumbled, embarassed.

Elsa giggled at her sister's flustered state.

She just couldn't help herself.

Not when Anna was looking at her with those wide and hopeful eyes.

So cute.

Elsa sighed and relented, reaching out with her hand and wrapping her sister's pinky around her own.

"Fine, I'll sleep with you."

"Really?" Anna's face lit up.

"Really."

Anna squealed, "You're the best, Elsa!"

The redhead hopped into the bed and patted the space next to her, inviting Elsa to join her.

It'll be okay.

We're sisters.

Just sisters.

Elsa made herself comfortable next to Anna, noticeably putting a marginal amount of distance between them at the same time.

As long as she wasn't actually touching her, she would be fine.

Anna didn't seem to like that.

Without warning, the redhead closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around Elsa's waist.

"Anna...!"

"Don't do that..." Anna whispered into her neck.

"Anna, what do you-"

Elsa was interrupted by the sight of tears in the redhead's eyes.

"I love you, Elsa." Anna said.

Elsa had no words for the raw display of emotion before her.

Before she had a chance to recover, Anna pressed her forehead to hers as she felt the caress of the redhead's hand on her cheek.

"I love you." She repeated.

Warm.

So warm.

Not from their bodies being so close.

But from the fierce determination in her sister's eyes.

It spoke more powerfully than her actual words

I need you.

With a shocking comprehension, Elsa finally understood.

She finally understood how this came to be.

This was love.

Love.

Not the love she was familiar with.

She always loved Anna.

But this...

The same love that was in the fairy tales she had read as a child.

The same love that her mother and father shared.

The same love that Kristoff felt for Anna.

Of course.

This is happiness.

And with a heart wrenching pang, Elsa's reality became painfully clear.

But I can't have it.

"Elsa? What's wrong?" Anna asked, eyes filled with concern.

Everything…

I'm so sorry, Anna.

The lie came to her naturally now.

"Nothing, nothing at all."

"I love you."

Anna...

"I love you, Elsa."

Please...

"I need you."

Go away...

"Elsa, please tell me what's wrong."

I don't want to hurt you.

Elsa mounted Nokk near the edge of the fjord, before looking back towards the castle.

She really shouldn't have snuck out.

Anna would be furious to know that she had left without saying goodbye.

But she was afraid.

Afraid that if she was in the presence of the redhead any longer, if she had to look at the disappointment in her sister's eyes any more...

She wouldn't have the strength to leave.

It was her fault, really.

She had to fall in love.

With her sister of all people...

"Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?"

Elsa yelped in surprise at the sudden voice next to her, startling Nokk.

So caught up in her thoughts, the blonde hadn't noticed Anna trailing her the entire time.

Now caught red-handed, Elsa's heart filled with shame.

As if it hadn't already been full of it.

Anna stood there silently, waiting for Elsa to answer her.

"I just..." Elsa's voice caught in her throat.

She was suffocating.

Both from the lack of her own breathing, and the heavy weight of her sin bearing down on her.

Why couldn't things just be normal?

Her eyes began welling with unshed tears.

"Elsa..."

Anna reached for her hand, and Elsa panicked.

She flinched away from her touch, immediately regretting it afterward.

The younger girl's eyes filled with hurt, and the crestfallen expression tore Elsa's heart open.

"What did I do...?" Anna whispered.

No!

No no no...

It's not you.

Never you.

Can't you see?

It's ME.

Realization dawned on Elsa.

It's because of...me.

Whenever you're sad...it's always because of me.

Elsa's heart broke.

I just can't stop hurting you...

Vision blurred with tears, the blonde yanked on the reigns.

"I'm sorry..."

Nokk picked up speed, taking her further and further away from the broken form of her sister.

The surface of the fjord froze over, leaving behind a regretful trail of ice between them.

Even after fifteen years, nothing had changed.

Elsa had closed the doors on Anna again.

To protect her.

But rather than the dangers of her powers.

This time...

It was from herself.

Present Day

The stillness of snow and winter foliage throughout Northuldra was quite similar to that of the North Mountain. Though the former didn't have a giant palace of ice at its center, numerous tents and campfires were set up, bustling with activity to welcome the morning sun.

It was early, but the Northuldran always started the day off with morning hunts. Cries of excitement could be heard, as the young children were more than eager to partake in the activity with their elders.

Deeper within the forest, the sunlight found its way through the windows of a lone cottage, shining brightly on a certain pale face.

Elsa groaned, clearly still groggy from her few hours of attained rest.

She had returned late last night.

The blonde sat up from her bed and rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

How late did I get back?

Her brief trip to Athohallan had proven to be...unsuccessful.

She had cried.

She had hoped that in her despair, that the rivers of memory would answer her call.

But a memory was a memory, they did not speak for the issues of the present.

And her echoes for help had been left unanswered within the glaciar walls.

Mother…

What am I going to do...?

Two months of isolation had done little to abate her feelings.

She missed her.

Elsa laughed deprecatingly.

That was no surprise.

She had been such a fool.

Six months ago she had reasoned with herself that her new role as the fifth spirit would help her get over Anna.

That perhaps this new sense of purpose would guide her.

And maybe find her...happiness.

Oh the irony.

Anna was her purpose and her happiness.

And she had ruined all of it.

She couldn't go back.

Not until she rid herself from this perverse desire.

Would she ever be able to face Anna?

Elsa felt tears begin to well up at the thought of never seeing her sister again, but stopped herself from letting them fall.

She had cried enough.

The intrusive sound of knocking proved to be the distraction she needed.

Even so...

She usually didn't have visitors.

Mostly due to the fact that she had requested to be left alone.

Elsa rose from her bed and walked towards the door.

It was probably Yelana, a problem with the forest perhaps?

Though that was unlikely, the forest had exhibited no strange behavior the past half year. The spirits had been nothing but peaceful.

Maybe Honeymaren or Ryder then, to again invite her for a ride with their fellow reindeer.

She didn't know how many times she had to turn them down.

No matter what speculation she had conjured on who her guest could be, nothing could have prepared the blonde from the overwhelming shock for the person standing before her.

"Anna?"

A/N: Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

I want to give a shotout for all the support I got from the first chapter. You guys are the best :)

I'm currently still in school, so my writing schedule might vary from week to week, but for now I'll try my best to post at least one chapter a week.

Thank you guys so much for reading, and feel free to leave a review.

PS: It's 11:59 PM exact at my time right now, so I'm still within the threshhold. Happy Valentines Day!