SpOt Coffee on Elmwood continues its expansion from cute coffee shop to big box store today with its announcement of a High School Daycare center for spoiled Catholic School brats.

After SpOt Coffee expanded to embrace it’s new “prison chic” atmosphere of cafeteria-style dining surrounded by concrete walls, it became the unofficial place-to-be for private school preps looking for that inner city feel.

Taking the next step in the relationship, SpOt will be offering day care services from 10 am to 6 pm, for any Nardin ladies who have to skip math to get their caramel macchiatos or they will “like literally die,” and all Canisius boys who have to get that double red eye buzz as they try to strive to emulate their fathers’ businessman-with-a-secret-family lifestyle.

Nardin and Canisius, both notorious for the love of caffeinated beverages, will move their mating rituals from high school dance floor to SpOt’s famous velvet couches. Get ready for boob jokes and esoteric art history debates, folks! Soon you will be able to spot at SpOt the group of red-faced shaggy-haired girls who will wrinkle their noses at words like “funk,” and hear the hollering and whoops of fourteen-year-old boys as they see a mother breastfeeding quietly in a corner.

“I come here after squash and check out the dreads girl. It’s like, so alternative here,” says a Canisius sophomore sporting a more than overly confident smirk. “Like a Banksy, but like, clean and inside. It’s sort of like everyday I get wiser about the world. It’s a beautiful thing.” When asked to elaborate, the young man drifted off, staring down a barista’s shirt.

A former employee of New World Record, the independent record store that was once part of the now expanded SpOt Coffee landscape, stated that the Daycare made sense, considering most of New World’s merchandise was stolen from kids with no idea who The Strokes were.

SpOt coffee now offers ties and skirts for sale, and in addition to games like “Gaydar Guesswork,” “Masculinity Insecurity,” “Avoid the Poor Person,” and “I Have More Money Than You.” Regulars will be happy to know that the old standard, “Ask the Grad Student to Put You in Their Manuscript,” is still available to play on a daily basis.

Nardin girls seem to agree, emphasizing the importance of self-education inside and outside the classroom. “SpOt’s got its ear to the pulse of the contemporary egalitarian. As a future leader of America, I need to recognize the appeals of the mainstream liberal media,” says a serious Nardin senior, tossing her blonde highlights to one side. “Plus the artisanal pizza is almost as good as Olive Garden’s,” she adds.

Nichols School and Buffalo Seminary heads have respectfully declined association, noting that Elmwood is too self-aware for parents to be comfortable with, and does not have a pre-specified amount of minorities. After talking with students, it was revealed that they are holding out for “at least a steam room” or a “specified parking spot to park my Porsche.”

Officials have stated that there will be a ribbon cutting later this week and for all students who bring in a sizable donation, free lattes for the day.