The phone won't stop ringing. People are yelling. In the distance I hear quiet sobbing. A strange smell enters my nose; what is it? Oh yeah, hopelessness. Am I in hell? No, it's just another day at the office.

So here I am, about to go and drown my sorrows in a donut or twelve, when there is a knock on my office door. The receptionist says "I'm trying to find carameleagle. What kind of a name is that? I mean I like caramel. A lot. Is this some new candy? I could go for a caramel covered eagle. How patriotic. Anyway, do you know what this could be?"

My immediate thought is "how could this thing possibly know my reddit username?" That's when it clicked. A rush of seasonal joy came upon me. Could it be!? Yes! My Secret Santa gift has arrived!

Thank you, dear Santa, for the gift of a 16 shot glass roulette wheel. When that 2:30 feeling starts to set in I know exactly how to fix it. Three rounds of roulette with my good friend Stoli.

Thank you, dear Santa, for the gift of a four shot glass drunken tower game. Because fuck plain Jenga, am I right?

Thank you, dear Santa, for the gift of a Hawkeye rubik's cube. I assume you meant for it to be used only after playing the other two games. Your concern for my motor skills is truly touching. GO HAWKS!

And lastly, dear Santa, thank you for turning a boring work day into something special. Your gifts will make this day go by so much faster. Time to destroy my liver.

Happy holidays!