John Galliano gives first post-rant interview

Cindy Clark | USA TODAY

An anti-Semitic tirade in 2011 cost him his job as the creative director of famed French fashion house Christian Dior, and for the first time since issuing a post-incident apology, John Galliano is talking about it.

In the interview with Vanity Fair contributing editor Ingrid Sischy, Galliano says, as he did in court, that he has no memory of the incident. "I was going to end up in a mental asylum or six feet under," he said of his pre-scandal years of drinking and doing drugs.

He also talks about his difficult childhood and being raised in a rough area of London: "It's funny — when this all first happened I was like, I can't be a racist. I can't be. I grew up in South London, in a melting pot. But I did hear awful things. I remember a lot of the insults that were thrown backward and forward." Including right his way: "If I didn't already sense that I was different, I certainly was reminded, whether by my parents or by the other school kids," says Galliano. "Not just reminded. Told…. I was made to believe it wasn't right. If I went a little bit too off — slap! It was Dad's upbringing and it was Victorian, and that's the way he was."

He goes on to say that he never came out to his father, who has since passed away: "I was never honest. My father died, and I had never said to him, 'I'm gay.' I knew what I was, but I had to pretend not to be that to avoid the beatings."