​Death, taxes, and ​Christian Hackenberg chuckin' picks, getting obliterated, and literally cursing his own handiwork. Yes, some things in life are simply inevitable. Witness the latest chapter in the absurd, stupefying saga of the man who is quite possibly ​the only quarterback close to being as hopelessly bad as Nathan Peterman:

Terence Garvin doing Terence Garvin things, @aafapollos take it the other way! #MEMvsORL pic.twitter.com/5RkkbGkkU8 — The Alliance (@TheAAF) February 24, 2019

​Your starting QB for the Memphis Express of the Alliance of American Football has now thrown two interceptions in the new league. His team was absolutely blown out in Week 1, suffered a narrow loss in Week 2, and is now in an early hole against Steve Spurrier's Orlando Apollos.





This is not hard to understand. Hackenberg just can't hack it. But when taken as performance art, there's something curiously compelling about his disastrous play.