TRENTON–seeking to revitalize his struggling presidential campaign, Gov. Chris Christie (R–NJ) introduced a new slogan today: “At least he’s still not in jail.”

Said spokesman Bruce Davies, “We think it’s important that the public really understand who Chris Christie is. And as of this moment, Chris is not a convicted felon.” Davies then briefly checked his phone. “Still good,” he said afterwards.

The new slogan came the day after three of Christie’s associates were indicted in the George Washington Bridge scandal, which also produced a detailed report of the events leading up to the closing of the bridge. A jubiliant Christie announced that the report “completely exonerated” him personally. Spokesman Davies later sent a note to reporters clarifying that the governer had used the phrase “completely exonerated” in the alternative sense of “did not find evidence to support an indictment.”



Absolutely, definitely, not in prison at this moment.