Stop talking about the need to protect yourself and start standing in your power. Clarify (and honor) your boundaries and you won’t need the ‘bubble of light.’

There’s a fundamental flaw in the guidance most well-meaning teachers offer to empaths and highly sensitive people.

The idea that we need to protect ourselves from other people’s negative energy suggests we are incapable of handling it. It implies we are helpless victims. I don’t buy it and neither should you.

That stance reinforces the story that we are “too sensitive” or “too much.” It weakens our resolve and has us hiding out (in some fucking bubble) instead of coming out as the superhumans we actually are.

So what can we do to strengthen our will, build our confidence, and be the badasses we were born to be?

The first thing we must do is see ourselves as capable.

We cannot let society or our own fears dictate who we are and how we show up. We get to choose. We can sit down, stay quiet and play small or we can stand up, be bold, and get to work having the kind of life we truly want.

Once we have a powerful perspective we can then set healthy boundaries.

Here are some areas to consider setting those in.

Living Environment

Our living (and work) environments matter big time. We need things to be organized and efficient. Clutter and chaos are not helpful in our homes or on our desks.

You have a say in how these things go. Of course it’s much easier if you live alone and work from home but even if there are other people to consider, let them know how important it is to your wellbeing to have these things remain orderly. Get them to help out or at minimum respect the ‘rules’ for your space.

If that seems impossible, I would ask what you think is true about you (and them) that makes your needs impossible. You may need to set up a little sanctuary that you can retreat to and relax in. But then honor that as the sacred place it is.

Crowd Management

We can’t escape them so let’s learn how to be badass in crowds.

If your normal approach is to use the bubble of protective light or have a few drinks to dim your senses this is where you’ll want to pay attention.

Have you ever noticed how Wonder Woman and Superman always have their superhero suits on underneath their regular clothes?

We have similar superhuman strengths so why wouldn’t we also have these suits on all the time? I think we do.

A lot of empaths and HSP are like the young, naive, still learning versions of our fave hero/heroines.

As a mature, experienced empath I can say with conviction, now is the time to come out and gather our strength.

When we get the power we have we own it. We stop trying to be normal and rip off the regular clothes and use our abilities to their fullest capacity.

Your super suit is not there to protect you but to enhance your abilities as an empath or HSP. You can stand firm, lean in, and listen to the cries of people in need.

The trick here is to use discernment. You are not here to save everyone. People don’t want to be saved anyway. People want to be seen and heard.

Choose who you are willing to see and hear in the crowd and don’t worry about the rest.

Takers

Fact. There are a lot of takers in the world. They gravitate toward us because we are natural givers.

Boundaries for how to be with those that only want something from us are necessary for our health. If in the above crowd management situation you encounter a taker you may want to remember you’re not a savior and recognize you have nothing for them.

However, you do not have to protect yourself. You’re a fucking superhero. But you may want to remove yourself from that person’s presence. Because you’re smart like that.

If you’re in a relationship (or work with) a taker things are a little trickier. It would be a disservice to tell you how to deal with that in a few sentences. I have not only dealt with this situation in my own life in the past, but have helped other people disengage from these disempowering relationships. There’s a way to do it that doesn’t wreak havoc on you or your family (or livelihood). If that’s the kind of support you need you can speak to me privately.

Food and Drink

Let’s talk diet. You know the saying, “you are what you eat?” For sensitives like us this shit is real.

Our bodies not only absorb the nutrients (or toxic load) of the foods we eat, but their energy as well.

One of my biggest struggles is cutting out the foods my body has a hard time with.

I love bread and wine. My body? Not so much.

I get a bloated belly and a puffy face. Not sexy. Ugh. But I have all these justifications for why it’s okay to enjoy them from time to time. And then the next day I regret it. I wake up with brain fog and feel tired all damn day.

There’s something about the energy of these foods that does not align with mine.

I used to be a lot worse about food and drinks but I’ve learned to honor my body’s boundaries and not be peer-pressured into indulging in something just because everyone else is doing it.

If you’re feeling addicted to certain foods, that’s another sign your bod needs your help.

What food-related boundary could you state today that will help you feel your best?

Relationships

If ever there was a place we, as sensitive peeps, needed boundaries, this is it.

We get caught up in the emotions of other people. We take their stuff on as our own. We don’t want them to struggle or feel pain and so we give ourselves over to the every whim of our partners or kids.

That’s not sustainable.

When we get depleted we tend to retreat or retaliate in an unhealthy way. We feel used up and dishonored as if our needs aren’t important. But we do this…to ourselves.

To have happy, healthy relationships we need clear boundaries.

Start with knowing your values. When we get overwhelmed it’s usually because one of our values is in jeopardy. From your values you can set boundaries that are life (and relationship) affirming. If you need help with this, I walk you through it in this online course.

Engage in a convo with your partner about healthy boundaries, you can include the living environment and how you intend to be in crowds, and so on.

Television and Technology

These can be tools for connection or they can corrupt your vibe.

Watching movies with your lover is a great way to relax and spend time together but if the movie is full of violence your prob not going to get the dopamine and oxytocin hits. You’re more likely to feel like you’re getting hit in the face or gut or whatever body part is being busted up on film.

The same is true for technology.

Your laptop and phone can put the world at your fingertips. But if you’re hiding out behind a screen you’re missing the actual connections that are possible with the people you seek.

Put down the device and look into the eyes of the person across from you.

Self-imposed boundaries with tv and tech can be super satisfying. I’m getting rid of my television for one month to see what else I can get into in the evenings. More dates? More yoga? More dog walks? Yes, please!

Time Management

I saved the best for last. They say our time is the most precious resource we have. I think our attention is, actually.

Time is happening beyond our control. Our attention is within our control.

How we manage our attention will impact how our time gets spent. What are you putting your attention on the most throughout your day?

Where attention goes, energy flows.

Are you focused on something that’s missing? Are you worried about what other people think? Is your energy tied up in situations that are out of your control?

What if you set boundaries for where your thoughts and energy could go?

I have found the if/then protocol to be very helpful in managing my attention and time.

Benjamin P. Hardy, Phd is a badass and his work in the field of organizational psychology is cutting edge. In his book, “Willpower Doesn’t Work,” he talks about if/then statements. He says, “When your mind fixates on how difficult something is, whether that’s focusing at work or exercising, your chances of quitting skyrocket.”

Having an if/then protocol can help you make choices to stay on track with your intentions.

An example might be, “If I’m tempted to browse social media while I’m writing an article then I will get up and go get a glass of water and drink it all before sitting back down to write.”

Another helpful one could be, “If I want to binge watch netflix instead of get to bed early then I will get off the couch, turn on relaxing music, and do some gentle stretching in preparation for bed.”

What are some if/then protocols you can install in your time (and attention) management system today?

Conclusion

We’re sensitive people and we do not need to protect ourselves. We have the option to turn our sensitivities into superpowers. When we come out of hiding, state and honor our boundaries then we will be living with more clarity, confidence, and the kind of direction that takes us to a whole other dimension. Oh, and maybe we’ll put our powers to use to help restore harmony to humanity along the way. Where, how, and with whom we spend our time and attention is the most important thing for us to manage as empaths and highly sensitive people. Who’s ready to play a bigger game with me?

Call to action

If you are ready to end the self-doubt and the ‘need for protection’ and become the most kick-ass YOU you can be, take the first step now. Download the self-love checklist.

Click here to get the checklist right now!

P.S. If you found this helpful, let me know by clicking that “clap button” a bunch. Hooray!