On the hottest day of the summer, he never drank a sip of water.

On the coldest night of the winter, he forgot his gloves at home.

Sometimes he mistakes salt for sugar when making his morning coffee. He can never seem to keep his cell phone charged long enough to call anybody back. He would end up having to buy a hun

dred gasoline caps for his car, if he ever had a car. His checking account is overdrawn. Again.


He’s out of toilet paper.

He’s been known to give his girlfriend flowers on Mother’s Day, go fishing with Dad on Valentine’s Day, and on New Year’s Eve Y2K, he fell asleep at nine thirty.

His apartment’s a mess, his resume a travesty, and his friends have all moved on without him. But when the ocean moves in a certain way…

No one’s on it quicker.