CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

“What’s this fucking standing desk, Malcolm?” roared the late media magnate.

The Prime Minister lowered his head in shame.

“I’m sorry, Kerry. The 23-year-old communications graduate from Bondi that Lucy hired to help me with the social media said it would be a good look for me”

Kerry coughed, before taking a long, hard drag of his Winfield Red.

“Well it makes you look like a fucken moron. Real men sit in leather chairs that recline”

This isn’t the first time the ghost of the Australian billionaire has visited Malcolm Turnbull, his former lawyer. The last time was in February 2015, the evening before he announced the succesful leadership challenge against then Prime Minister Tony Abbott.

Today however, there are much less niceties being shared.

“How do you let these morons talk to you that way” spat the ghost of Packer.

“The old Malcolm would have threatened to have their legs broken. Imagine if that potato-headed cunt was working for me. There’s no way he’d be talking out of school like that”

“It’s time to flex on these motherfuckers”

“They all know how much money you’ve spent to keep this fucking government in power. Now it’s time to make them pay their dues”

“Dutton would make a very good Communications minister. Let him take that NBN hospital pass Abbott had saved for you”

“As for that concussion-riddled fucken cyclist up there in Forestville. What about the ambassador role that opened up in the Solomon Islands. Those blokes owe you a favour anyway”

“Pull your fucken head in Malcolm. People like us weren’t put on this earth to consider other people’s opinions”