Chapter I

Sex

There are a lot of quiet little grandmas with vivid memories of being young and beautiful and fucking lots of dudes.

The longer you stay single, the more they fuck your future wife.

My wife has a tattoo of a shell on the inside of her legs, and if you put your ear against it, you can smell the sea.

Gay sex is literally twice as manly as straight sex.

You know those Sex Houses, the little wooden houses with the hole for your dick that people hang in trees? Apparently those are for birds.

The rule for men should be: don't say anything to a woman on the street that you wouldn't want a man saying to you in prison.

Woke my girlfriend with oral sex this morning. She said "phtop it".

My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex, but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.

Viagra shipments stolen. Police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.