You can only milk a dead cow once.

A hair on the head is worth six on the back.

You can't trade shoes with a barefoot monkey.

There are two sides to every waffle.

You can't fill a hat with maybes.

A pit in a peach is worth six in a bucket.

It only rains blood in Idaho.

An honest man eats soap.

There's never enough time to chew all the ice.

A paperclip won't make the dog sit up.

Nobody's too tall for pudding.

A potato with no eyes is better than a calendar with no days.

Anybody can be on top if they take the elevator.

A stapler to the head is the strongest motivator

He folded like a wet watermelon.

You're looking at seven, but you're eating six.

It feels like we're walking towards Cleveland with this one.

If you read the title, you read the index.

Every pig gets twisted some weeks.

I haven't seen you in a year of sunshines.

You can't bend steel with tears.

Not even for county dentistry.

It's worth all you've got plus five pizzas.

First one shaved means last one buried.

Let's run it past Weird Al and see what the parody sounds like.

It's the last pair of pants that'll get ya!

As far as I'm concerned, she hangs the moon and neatly folds the sun.

This guy's the proverbial doctor of Twistin'!

Happiness is the result of careful editing.

Failure runs in the family.

It's like they always say, list comedy is the last resort of the incompetent hack.