Monday

Congratulations to Spurs for extending their record-beating run of losing in the FA Cup semi-final to eight games. Though not for the pain inflicted on me and 30,000 other fans who forked out £80 for the privilege. Still, there has been some progression, if not improvement. In the past, Tottenham teams would usually make a point of underperforming badly right from the start in big cup games, which at least had the benefit of expectation management, so that 20 minutes before the final whistle you were totally prepared for defeat. This year, Spurs have developed a new and unusual punishment of playing like kings for the first 20 minutes, scoring an early goal while passing up the opportunity to kill off the game by missing clear-cut chances to extend the lead before contriving to find a way to lose. On the plus side, there are advantages to such consistency. I had been so certain Spurs wouldn’t reach the final that a couple of months ago I quite happily accepted an invitation to speak at the Charleston literary festival on 19 May. I’d have been devastated to miss a first FA Cup final since 1991.



Tuesday

I spent the evening at a dinner to celebrate the 80th birthday of the Labour peer Baroness Blood, who is standing down from the Lords in July as she is understandably finding the commute from Belfast to be a bit of a schlep. In 1999 she became the first woman from Northern Ireland to be made a peer when she was recognised for her work as a trade unionist, an advocate for women’s rights and her contribution to the peace process. She gave a fabulous speech in which she talked about the Integrated Education Fund charity, for which she has helped raise more than £20m in the 15 years she has been its campaign chair. Although Northern Ireland has made huge progress in the last 20 years since the Good Friday agreement, just 23,000 out of roughly 250,000 children are in mixed schools for Catholics and Protestants. The rest are segregated and often grow up not knowing someone of a different faith. The estate on which the Baroness lives is still overshadowed by what is known locally as the million-pound wall separating Protestants and Catholics. I couldn’t help thinking that if Theresa May had been really interested in helping Northern Ireland, she would have spent the £1bn she bunged to the DUP on integrated education.

‘Good to see you again, Theresa.’ Photograph: Tobias Schwarz/AFP/Getty Images

Wednesday

Life imitates life but not as we know it. When Emily Thornberry yelled out “Maybot” during one of May’s stumbling, dissociated answers at PMQs, the prime minister actually looked quite grateful. May’s self-esteem is now so low that she regards “Maybot” as a term of endearment. But she might feel a little better about herself when she learns that the speaking style that grates with so many people has proved a massive hit with at least one audience. Even if it is only artificial intelligence. AI meet AI. In a test of speeches from leading UK politicians by Trint, a service that uses AI to generate almost instant transcripts of audio and video, May was the easiest to understand followed by Jeremy Hunt. The Speaker, John Bercow, and Scotland’s first minister, Nicola Sturgeon, scored lowest. Trint transcribed 98.28% of May’s excruciating 2017 Tory conference speech correctly. One of the few errors for May’s speech was the transcription of “George Osborne” as “George Osmo ball”. Curiously, Donald Trump also scored well with AI. Largely because he speaks slowly and doesn’t use long words that he doesn’t understand.

Thursday

The date of Friday 13 July has been announced for the visit of President Trump. We know it’s not going to be a full-on state visit – though the Queen hasn’t been able to make herself as scarce as she had hoped and will have to show up for 10 minutes at least – but it’s not clear yet whether the Donald is going to just drop in for a day to say hello to us or whether he is going to make a full weekend of it and plant a few commemorative trees, which will no doubt get dug up by protesters the moment he’s gone. My guess is that the prime minister will be torn between her envy at not getting the full-on love-in that Emmanuel Macron experienced this week in Washington and her desire to get the whole thing over with as quickly as possible. Their first meeting shortly after Trump entered the White House was one of the more awkward occasions, with neither leader clearly having anything to say to the other. But better that than the Macron-Trump bromance which has seen extensive hand-holding, kissing and dandruff flicking and has left their wives feeling excluded. Not something that Melania minds, but which doesn’t appear to go down too well with Brigitte. The lasting impression is that maybe Macron is enjoying all the attention just a little too much. Maybe there’s less to him than meets the eye after all.

Friday

On the fourth day we finally have a name for the royal baby. Or #rb3, as he was being called on Twitter. After a brief flurry of excitement when someone discovered there had been a newly createdAccess Denied web page on the royal intranet in the name of Prince Albert, William and Kate wisely decided against naming their son after a genital piercing and went for Louis Arthur Charles. Given that these are all names with a strong royal connection, I find it odd that it took the couple so long to make up their minds. After all, it’s hardly as if the baby arrived as a total surprise and they had the best part of nine months to settle on something. Maybe they changed their mind about Donald Arthur Charles at the last minute. My wife and I settled on Anna and Robbie – chosen because they were ordinary sounding and had no family associations – for our children midway through each pregnancy. There was something quite special about being able to call them by their name when we first set eyes on them. Still, better late than never and at least William and Kate have cleared the logjam. A friend had a baby boy a week ago and held off choosing a name in case she ended up calling it the same thing as #rb3.



Digested week: Getting rid of targets that never existed.