ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

“Where is Jonesy?” said the most toxic of the bunch.

“Yeah!” said another.

“Oi! Somebody get FUCKING Jonesy on the phone right this instant!”

But Jonesy wasn’t answering – because Jonesy was at home relaxing on the couch because even though day being Friday, Jonesy didn’t feel like getting schoonered to the point he started speaking fluent Danish.

Affectionately known at Jonesy, Michael ‘Jonesy’ Jones had a large contingent of mates heading down the Dolphins Leagues Club this afternoon – as per her his group chat.

He spoke to us about his feelings this afternoon via payphone.

“Mate, I’ve got an action packed weekend planned and having twenty schooners of heavy tonight would really put a dampener on the whole 48, know what I mean, boorie?” he said.

Our reporter replied with a firm and understanding, “Yes, joog.”

Michael then asked if we could keep his lowkey night under raps, The Advocate assured we wouldn’t publish this article until his 7pm embargo expired.

More to come.