I’ve been travelling my whole life. I was on a plane even before I was born. My mom travelled to Australia while she was pregnant, and I’ve been on a boat, a plane, or a bus at least once a year for every year of my life. After eighteen years of riding various metal cans, sea, sky and land, I’ve developed a list of things that make people assholes.

Metal detectors really do work. So when you’re a grown man who isn’t riding a plane for the first time, please put everything metal in your carry on luggage. It holds the line up unnecessarily, and it makes you look like an asshole. So. Belts, watches, phones, walkie-talkies or if you’re retro, pagers, go into your bag before you step into the airport. Check behind you before you recline your seat. I don’t know what it is about people riding planes that destroys people’s basic sense of space. Is it not obvious enough that when you occupy the space behind you, you’re probably occupying the space in front of that person behind you? If you are a person so devoid of compassion ability to be considerate, then you have no place on this plane, and frankly this world. Please. Only recline your seat if the person behind you is asleep or tiny. Speaking louder does not, in any situation translate your spoken language into a language spoken by the locals. Screaming loudly in English does not turn it into Cambodian, Vietnamese or whichever language the locals speak. Don’t be an asshole. Not everybody speaks English, so before you go to a different country, pick up some of the basic phrases. Waiting for your transport to leave is okay. Making the people inside wait is not. Don’t be the guy they have to call in the airport, or the guy they have to look for at a bus stop. Keep in mind that you’re not only ruining your itinerary, but everyone else on that bus or plane. If you do happen to be that person, show that you are sorry, and feel really bad. Keep your wits about, but know that not everyone who is offering help is scamming you. You will encounter good people when you travel. We’ve heard stories about how people have been raped and mugged because of seemingly helpful locals, but there really are people who want to help you. If you are one of those people with no ability to judge character, then there’s something you need to work on. Or go by this benchmark. If someone is offering you his phone so you can call that hotel that was supposed to pick you up, he’s probably pretty okay. If he offers you a place to stay, and a nice meal completely free, he’s probably going to sell you into slavery.