Sorry for posting super late but I just finished with school and finals! I’m finally a graduate!!! WOOT WOOT.

So last time I think I left off me telling my job that I would be requesting a month off to fly to Washington…

I thought it would be best to have my car there while I was there since that is such a long time to be dependent on people. I drove with my younger brother up there. Now let me tell you. LONGEST CAR RIDE OF MY LIFE. I made stops only to eat, use the bathroom and pump gas. It was about 1300+ miles from where I lived at the time. I think the overall trip took about 18 hours. I never realized how long California truly was until I had to drive through it! It was seriously the longest part of the whole thing. To get through Oregon it took maybe 4 hours. RIDICULOUS.

Eventually, I arrived at my destination. Exhausted beyond belief but my older brother wanted to celebrate since my younger brother just turned 21. So before I begin this next story DO NOT JUDGE ME. I do not drink like ever and when I do it’s never usually 2 drinks maximum because I can’t handle myself. So again DO NOT JUDGE FOR WHAT IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN…

My older brother as I stated earlier thought it would be a great idea to go out since it was my brother’s 21st birthday so we went to the local bar downtown. I invited my German Guy to come down and he did. Since I was so pumped to be free from any responsibilities I thought it would be good to let loose. And boy did i let loose. I order a bunch of drinks and I was sippin’ all my groups drinks (which was a BAD decision) but in the moment it was good. I started dancing up on German Guy and I swear I like grabbed him so rough and just started making out with him in front of everyone. That isn’t usually my M.O. but I was feeling it. I was literally playing tonsil hockey in the middle of the dance floor. I know to him I was coming off really aggressive because he even told me he felt uncomfortable doing that with everyone around including my brothers. In that moment though I had no care in the world. Eventually, it was time to leave the club and I had no idea how drunk I was until I got in German Guy’s car. When I sat down it all hit me. I was beyond sick. My stomach was starting to turn and I knew at any moment I was gonna barf. I knew it was coming so I told German Guy “Pull over, right now!”. He was like no not yet because we are on the freeway. I responded with, “If you don’t want your fancy car filled with vomit I would pull over NOW!” I swear I growled. LOL. He pulled over (Thank God!). I was so drunk that when I opened the door I fell out and rolled down the little hill of the freeway. Talk about embarrassing! So after I gained a little bit of my dignity back I got up and started walking towards the car. I felt my stomach rumble and I was like ugh-oh. I then farted like extremely loud and at that point German Guy got out of his car and began taking his shirt off because he noticed I had vomited on myself. Only as he began walking to me my stomach began to get worse and instead of farting the second time I pooped. No I literally POOPED MY F*CKING PANTS. At that moment all I wanted to do is run away and never look back. Instead German Guy told me to get in the car. To try to save myself from more embarrassment I told him I think i should just call my brother because I felt embarrassed. At that moment he got really mad and told me to get the HELL IN THE CAR. I did and then I passed out. I remember after that being in the shower still fully clothed. In my mind I thought maybe I got away with shitting my pants and you know maybe he didn’t know. However, I saw the door open to the bathroom and I tried to close it. Then again, I blacked out. I woke up the next day and i looked down to see I was wearing a man’s shirt and no pants. I look to the right and German Guy is sitting in bed with his arms crossed looking down and me really upset. My game plan at that moment was to play it off like I knew nothing of what happened last night. I said “Good Morning” with a smile on my face. He didn’t say good morning back though. Instead he said “I can’t date a girl who gets that drunk and isn’t able to control herself. You know you shit yourself last night.” When he said that I swear I turned about 50 shades of red and said “No I didn’t.” and covered my mouth. At that moment I should have one an Oscar for my performance because I could not let him know I really knew what happened. After that though we talked it out and i explained to him I never get that drunk but i was just really excited to be withe everyone i kind of lost control. He said he understood but he said that couldn’t happen again. I’m honestly surprised he let that go.

Anyway, days passed by and I felt like everything was going pretty good between us. He would cook me breakfast (which basically consisted of about 15 eggs).

Side Note… I can’t bare to even eat eggs anymore because that’s all i had for breakfast for a month straight.

I in turn would make lunch or dinner depending if we hung out with my brother and his family or not. The sex was great besides the fact he had this weird fascination with eating ass. I was really uncomfortable with it but I didn’t want to ruin our relationship so I let him do it. But best believe I showered right before we were going to get it on because he would always kiss me after. Who wants to kiss their own ass? NOT ME. He also like to do really weird stuff like cum on my body. Being the bougie black girl that I am did NOT ALLOW him to do that on my face. Heck to the NO. That was not going to fly and he learned that very quickly. Let’s just say our sex life was good but all he did was cater to himself. He cared nothing about me and my needs. I unfortunately did not realize that till later because in the moment it was something I had never experienced before. It was raw, rough, and so masculine the things he would do to me.

Week 2 of me living out there his car almost got towed. I felt bad for him so I offered to pay for it not to. I guess where he lived it was permit parking and he had lost his. He promised to pay me back and I waived it off because it wasn’t a big deal at the time. As we began to spend more and more time together I wondered why he never did anything besides eat, gym, and hang out with his friends. I found out during my last visit he didn’t have a job which should have been a red flag but I ignored it. I knew he had some sort of inheritance he was living off of so that’s how he was able to afford his extravagant lifestyle. I was a littler turned off by it though because I have worked for everything I have ever gotten and here he was flaunting his wealth he didn’t work for but again he was fine as hell so I let it slide.

Typically, I am an average build being that I played sports all throughout high school and cheered during my college years. However, German Guy would always try to get me to go to the gym with him. I never wanted to go because I felt like that was his time to decompress and get out of the house. At times though I got the feeling he thought I could use the gym and he made me feel really self conscious about my body. I swear he once even made a comment like “are you sure you want to order that”. I don’t know why the hell I didn’t get out of the relationship after that but I always find reasons to stay.

Also, while I was there I was able to spend time with my brother which I absolutely loved because we didn’t grow up int he same household so it felt amazing we were able to form such a great bond. My brother even though he’s about almost 30, married, with kids always liked tot go out on weekends and drink. After my poop episode I wouldn’t drink but I would still go out because I LOVE to dance! Anyway, the town in which my brother lives is super small so everyone knows everyone. Eventually, word got out that I was shacking with German Guy and he was popular. Girls envied me which I didn’t care because that just showed how fine I must have been LOL. It bothered me though that he had slept with about half the town. I even bumped into one of his long term girlfriends which made me a little uncomfortable. What upset me about the whole situation is I learned a lot of stuff about him that he never thought to tell me.

Things I Found Out That He Should Have Told Me:

He does not have an inheritance but his grandmother pays all of his bills. This 27 year old man doesn’t work but expects for his life of luxury to be paid for. Not only does he have a DUI but he has 3 His last offense he had was 2 years before he met me. I doubt he has matured that much since then. He was FUCKING ENGAGED a year ago. Idk but I feel like that is important to tell someone that you have move their life around to come live with you.

To say I was furious is putting it nicely. I didn’t want to come off as being this crazy black girl for finding information on him so I would just drop little hints hoping he would give in and just admit to some of this stuff. The sad part is he never did. We slowly started fading apart once it was getting closer to when I had to leave. He stopped coming home and would spend more and more time with his friends. This hurt me because I wouldn’t have even been there if it weren’t him. I was there to be with him. Now don’t get me wrong I wasn’t completely lonely because his brother was such a great guy and we ended up boding quite a bit. We both played Xbox and we would stay up and play Destiny when it first came out and we nerded out together for the first 2 weeks so that kept me busy but still. At one point I was dating his brother without the romance if that makes since.

One of the reasons I think he began getting distant is because I would begin to talk about what I wanted to accomplish in life and how I was working towards that in California. Whenever I would bring up my home he would totally shut down. He knew where I lived so I think that was bad on his part to start to dislike me for that. At the end of the day he knew I would have to go back home.

Another reason why I think he started to shut down was the fact he went to the doctor’s and found out he had a low sperm count. I guess he felt like less of a man. I swear after he got that news he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore because he felt like he wasn’t in the right state of mind.

You would think after such a shitty past he has and the fact that he has no job and the fact that during sex I never orgasm he would be a little grateful that a girl who has a lot to offer is interested in him would be enough. But it wasn’t. I felt played.

To top it off. The week before I left he asked me if I could help him put a down payment on his college tuition. My dumbass being so in LUST with him felt bad so I did. I paid $500 of my own hard earned money towards this loser’s college tuition.

Not to long after I left I would message him to see where we stood. He ended up breaking up with me over Facebook Messenger can you believe that? He said that he felt bad but right now in his life it would be too hard to balance a girlfriend. So you had me live out there with you for a summer just to get laid and then be like “it’s not working out”. Why even come out there. Plus I paid for EVERYTHING while I was there including groceries, gas, and whatever else came up. His grandma was over paying for his stuff and she basically was like you need to man up. When I was leaving I found out his grandma was over paying his rent so he ended up getting evicted.

I was beyond pissed at that point for allowing myself to get played. I told him I expected to be paid soon and he said he would pay me back once he got a job. Months went by with no word of repayment. I happened to check my credit card for some reason and I got charged again for the following semester. WHICH ENDED UP BEING A $1000!! To say I was pissed was an understatement. I threatened to have my bank mark it as fraud so he could get in trouble for it. He pleaded for me not to and promised he would start making monthly payments. 2 years later and he still owes me $300. F*CKING PRICK.

The saddest part is he had the audacity to message me about 2 years later and say he wishes he could start over with me and misses the sex. Not that he misses the sweet and caring person who took care of him when he had nothing. All he cared about was sex.

PATHETIC.

Ladies if you see red flags in a man. GET OUT! Get out while you can. Trust me. I learned so much about myself and learned what not to want in a man. I let myself get tricked into the whole looks thing that I completely let personality, class, etc get pushed to the corner. I mean i’m still pretty shallow but not my expectations in a man is much higher. He must be fine as hell, with a car, and doesn’t live at home with mom.

LESSON LEARNED.