FAYETTEVILLE — Hunched shivering in the burned-out husk of a city bus, former Sgt. 1st Class Tina Allred readies her spear. Beside her former Specialist Joey Pulsipher threads a dart into his altlatl, a sort of sling for launching pointed projectiles. Luckily the patrol of a dozen or so warriors from the enemy tribe passes by without detecting them. As the marauders disappear into the howling snow, Allred and Pulsipher relax and return to their original goal of foraging for food.

This is the current state of affairs at Ft. Bragg, currently under a seemingly endless assault by the forces of nature. When the first snowflakes and freezing rain began to fall, nobody thought that the garrison cancelling work for two days was the beginning of the end. But then power failed, looters became more frequent at grocery stores, and neighborhoods realized they must band together to defend against incursions from other subdivisions looking for food and fuel.

Powerful warlords quickly arose and established a tribal culture of subjugation and taxation. Join the tribe and gain safety, food and a warm place to sleep. But the payment is one half of all forage and access to your women’s vaginas.

“It sounds pretty bad, I understand, but I’m doing what I have to so I can provide for these people,” said King Skullcrusher, a former water purification specialist with 2nd Brigade, as he drank wine from a fresh human skull. “It might seem harsh that I demand access to my tribe’s women or make the men bring me any gold they find. But I keep them safe. If it were so bad, why did we just get a bunch of people from Carolina Lakes defecting and asking to join us?”

“The evil Pine Valley cannibals will be destroyed and I will enjoy hearing the lamentations of their women,” responded Empress Dick-Stomper, the current warlord in charge of Carolina Lakes and a former administrative specialist, as she enjoyed a lunch of human thigh. “And the traitorous vermin who abandoned their own to join them will be executed for their duplicity. Now bring me my sex slave and a flagon of mead.”

Police and National Guard attempting to bring food and other aid to Fayetteville and the Ft. Bragg cantonment have not been seen again, although recent renegade patrols have been seen wearing bits of their uniforms and skin. It is unknown when order will be restored to the area.