Do you like eating strips of cured pork belly*, a.k.a. bacon? Do you have strong feelings about what makes good bacon good and bad bacon bad? Is "bad bacon" even a thing? Can you string words into sentences and paragraphs that convey information and entertain readers?

If you answered "Yes!!!!!!!" to at least three of those, read on. Extra Crispy is seeking a freelance Bacon Critic to cover the bacon beat, spanning bacon’s role in food, drinks, and culture. Our Bacon Critic can live anywhere in the U.S. and will spend a three-month appointment researching, writing about, obsessing over, and critiquing bacon. Yes, this is a very real paid freelance position we’re looking to fill in the near future.

The Extra Crispy Bacon Critic needs to be opinionated and thorough in his or her research, and will be expected to eventually decide which bacon is the best in the country. Other qualifications include serious writing chops, an unmistakable voice, a sense of adventure, and an insatiable hunger—for bacon.

To apply, send a short essay of fewer than 600 words recounting your favorite bacon-related memory to bacon@extracrispy.com by June 24, 2016. Writers with funny and memorable stories are preferred, so let it all hang out. We'll show you ours if you show us yours. Your bacon, we mean, sicko.

Update: We've chosen New Orleans food writer and meat expert Scott Gold to be our Bacon Critic, and we're no longer accepting applications.

Illustration by April McMullan

*Or fatback, side, or loin!

Oh, and here’s some fine print our legal team says we need to publish. You need to be 21 or older to apply.

OFFICIAL RULES FOR EXTRA CRISPY BACON CRITIC SEARCH

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY

1. HOW TO ENTER: This contest begins at 12:01 A.M. EST on June 1, 2016, and ends at 11:59 P.M. EST on June 24, 2016. To enter, email your original essay about a bacon-related memory and your name and phone number to bacon@extracrispy.com. Entries must be sent no later than June 24, 2016. Limit one entry per person. Extra Crispy is not responsible for lost, late, illegible, or incomplete entries not received for any reason. Entries become sole property of Time Inc. and none will be acknowledged or returned. By entering, Entrant warrants that his or her entry (1) is original and does not infringe the intellectual property rights of any third party, (2) has not been published in any medium or (3) has not won an award.

2. JUDGING: All entries will be judged by the Extra Crispy editorial staff based on the following criteria: how interesting, funny, and engaging the essay is. Extra Crispy editors are looking for excellent writing as well as bacon knowledge. Incomplete and/or inaccurate entries and entries not complying with all rules are subject to disqualification. Decisions of judges are final and binding. Winner will be notified by email after June 24, 2016.

3. ELIGIBILITY: Open to legal residents of the 50 United States and the District of Columbia who are 21 years or older at time of entry (“Entrant(s)”). Void where prohibited by law. Employees of Time Inc. and its promotional partners and their respective parents, affiliates and subsidiaries, participating advertising and promotion agencies (and members of their immediate family and/or those living in the same of household of each such employee) are not eligible.

4. FEES AND APPROXIMATE RETAIL VALUE: One Winner will be designated the Extra Crispy Bacon Critic for a three-month appointment. The winner will be compensated at a fee to be negotiated. ALL TAXES ARE THE SOLE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE WINNER. The prize is awarded without warranty, express or implied, of any kind.

5. CONDITIONS OF PARTICIPATION: Nothing in these official contest rules shall obligate Time Inc. to publish or otherwise use any entry submitted in connection with this Contest. All federal, state and local laws and regulations apply. Entrants agree to be bound by the terms of these Official Rules and by the decisions of Time Inc., which are final and binding on all matters pertaining to this Contest. By entering, Entrant represents that any materials submitted as part of Entrant’s Contest entry are original and will not constitute defamation or an invasion of privacy or otherwise infringe upon the rights of any third party, and that the Entrant owns or has the rights to convey any and all right and title in such essays and other materials. In addition, by entering, Entrant grants to Time Inc. a non-exclusive, worldwide, royalty-free license to edit, publish, promote, republish at any time in the future and otherwise use Entrant’s submitted essay along with Entrant’s name, likeness, biographical information, and any other information provided by Entrant, in any and all media for possible editorial, promotional or advertising purposes, without further permission, notice or compensation (except where prohibited by law). Potential Winner, as a condition of receiving any fee, also may be required to sign and return an Affidavit of Eligibility, a Liability Release and where legally permissible a Publicity Release and confirmation of a license as set forth above within 7 days following the date of first attempted notification, certifying, among other things, the following: (a) entry does not defame or invade the privacy of any party; (b) entry does not infringe upon the rights of any third party; and (c) the essay and other materials submitted are original and have never been published and entry has never won an award. Failure to comply with this deadline may result in forfeiture of the offer and selection of an alternate winner. Return of any fee or fee notification as undeliverable may result in disqualification and selection of an alternate winner. Acceptance of the fee constitutes permission for Time Inc. and its agencies to use Winner’s name and/or likeness, biographical information, essay and other materials submitted for advertising and promotional purposes without additional compensation, unless prohibited by law. By entering and/or accepting a fee, Entrants and Winners agree to hold Time Inc. and its promotional partners, its directors, officers, employees and assigns harmless for liability, damages or claims for injury or loss to any person or property False or deceptive entries or acts will render the Entrant ineligible. Time Inc., in its sole discretion, reserves the immediate and unrestricted right to disqualify any entrant, if either commits or has committed any act, or has been involved or becomes involved in any situation or occurrence which the Time Inc. deems likely to subject Time Inc., entrant or winner to ridicule, scandal or contempt or which reflects unfavorably upon Time Inc. in any way. If such information is discovered by Time Inc. after a winner has been notified Time Inc. may rescind the offer in its entirety. If a portion of his/her fee has already been awarded, Time Inc. may withdraw the remainder of the fee that has been fulfilled. Decisions of Time Inc. are final and binding in all matters related to this paragraph.

6. INTERNET: Time Inc. is not responsible for lost or late entries nor for electronic transmission errors resulting in omission, interruption, deletion, defect, delay in operations or transmission, theft or destruction or unauthorized access to or alterations of entry materials, or for technical, network, telephone equipment, electronic, computer, hardware or software malfunctions or limitations of any kind, or inaccurate transmissions of or failure to receive entry information by Time Inc. or presenter on account of technical problems or traffic congestion on the Internet or at any Web site or any combination thereof. If for any reason the Internet portion of the program is not capable of running as planned, including infection by computer virus, bugs, tampering, unauthorized intervention, fraud, technical failures, or any other causes that corrupt or affect the administration, security, fairness, integrity, or proper conduct of this Contest, the Time Inc. reserves the right at its sole discretion, to disqualify any individual who tampers with the entry process, and to cancel, terminate, modify or suspend the Contest. Time Inc. reserves the right to select winners from eligible entries received as of the termination date. CAUTION: Any attempt by a contestant to deliberately damage any Web site or undermine the legitimate operation of the game is a violation of criminal and civil laws and should such an attempt be made, Time Inc. reserves the right to seek damages from any such contestant to the fullest extent of the law. If there is a dispute as to the identity of the Entrant, the prize will be awarded to the authorized account holder of the email address. The “authorized account holder” is defined as the natural person to whom the email address is assigned.

7. GOVERNING LAW: This Contest is governed by the internal laws of the state of New York without regard to principles of conflict of laws. All cases and claims pertaining to this Contest must be brought in a court of competent jurisdiction in the City of New York, without recourse to class action suits.

8. SEVERABILITY: If any provision of these Rules is found to be invalid or unenforceable by a court of competent jurisdiction or appointed arbitrator, such determination shall in no way affect the validity or enforceability of any other provision herein.