I have a good friend, Kate, who I happen to really like because she is one of the few people on the playground who will actually make an effort to talk to me. This is a big deal when, as the sole father, you’re surrounded by moms who will only give a man the time of day if he’s got a binky in his mouth.

Now as you may have guessed, one of our favorite things to talk about is our children. Kate is a firm believer that being a parent not only makes us feel young again, but it makes us better people. While I disagree with the part about feeling younger since I feel so old, I wholeheartedly agree that my children have made me a better person, and they have accomplished this by giving me no choice in the matter.

For some of us, the best way to better oneself is when we are forced into it. I know that for myself, it is the only way.

You see, before we had children, I was more than a little self-absorbed. I tended to value every situation only for what was in it for me, and my relationships were based on the concept of “what have you done for me lately.” Needless to say, I spent a great deal of time alone, whining and feeling sorry for myself, which, by the way, are trademark qualities of the self-absorbed.

To make matters worse, I tended to give up and run away from challenges, and my life was basically without purpose or ambition.

Apparently, I’m not alone. In his recent book, Boys Adrift, the writer Leonard Sax examines a growing trend in under-performing boys who lack any motivation or drive. Covering the entire demographic spectrum, these young men are devoid of purpose, relying on their parents or girlfriends well into their thirties for support while they drift aimlessly through life, feeling not a shred of remorse for their actions, or lack thereof.

So I guess in a way I was at the forefront of this movement. A pioneer, if you will. And it took my children to rescue me.

They accomplished this through one simple feat: they forced me to grow up and deal with my life. Children, after all, don’t come with an exit plan. You can’t just walk away, although plenty of us probably try. They rely on us in so many ways, and regardless of how tenaciously we hold onto our self-absorption, they will always find a way to pry away the spotlight and shine it on themselves, thereby forcing us to make sacrifices.

It is the process of making sacrifices that is the key to being a good parent, and along with the willingness to compromise, goes a long way to making us better people, as well.

It isn’t always easy. Our kids challenge us in ways we never imagined, pushing us to the edge of tolerance on a daily basis, denying us the things that we hold so dear. Sleep? Who needs it? A nice quiet meal? I wouldn’t count on it. Sex? Let’s not even go there.

I think it’s fair to say that nothing in our lives adequately prepares us for what’s in store, no matter what you’ve been told or seen on TV. In the words of the late John Lennon, “Nobody told me there’d be days like these!” except as parents, we find ourselves repeating this every day.

But it is through the odyssey of parenthood that we come to have a better understanding of our strengths and weaknesses, not to mention how much we can actually accomplish if we just try. These are questions that we rarely confront when we sequester ourselves within the safety and security of our daily routines, i.e., our comfort zones.

This is especially true for men, for the things that we’ve come to rely on to define us, like money, power, sexual prowess, and our hair all mean nothing to our children. Instead of turning to our masculine default mechanisms for coping with any given situation, we are forced to respond with finesse and (gulp!) sensitivity. Somewhere along the way, we are able to achieve a greater balance.

But perhaps most importantly for moms and dads alike is that children give us purpose, and who doesn’t benefit from having a little purpose? It helps us find our place in the grand scheme of things, to take stock of what is really important in our lives and to see things within the context of something larger than simply ourselves; namely our families.

I know that for myself, being a father inspires me to want to be a better person. I can now cope with hardship and adversity, forsaking my usual whining and complaining because not only does my wife not want to hear it, but my children are better at it than I am.

Having endured the challenges that parenthood has thus far presented to me, and I know it’s only the beginning, I am more confident in my abilities and am less inclined to quit or give up (as if I had a choice), even when every fiber of me being is begging me to. As cliché as it may sound, feel like I can do anything, and at the very least, am more willing to try.

And finally, being a father has restored a lot of the magic in my life (I know, it sounds corny, but such is the life of a parent). I now take less for granted and celebrate the simple things. Life has once again become a journey of discovery, to be shared with the ones I love. All too often, when we’re immersed in the daily grind, we lose sight of this and need to be reminded of it.

We can count on our children for that.