STEELWORKERS can make a good living if they retrain as male strippers, the Conservative Party has confirmed.

The government has abandoned plans for a bail-out after drawing up a ‘foolproof strategy’ for thousands of steel industry workers.

A spokesman said: “In our efforts to find out what a ‘steel worker’ is we came across an old film about some men from Sheffield who lose their ‘steel working’ jobs and form a male striptease act.

“They became very successful and everyone was happy. Stripping for money is much more dignified than ‘steel working’ which seems to involve high temperatures and grime. Ghastly.”

He added: “If absolutely necessary we could offer low interest loans so the ‘steel workers’ can retrain as male strippers, but it does look pretty straightforward. You just take your clothes off.

“And as far as we understand, the working class parts of Britain are full of drunk, easily pleased women who will pay good money to see your naked buttocks or perhaps even a brief glimpse of your genitals.

“Off you go.”