This is the episode where Sam Heughan and Caitriona Balfe had a blast, because I am sure they spent the week away on some tropical resort taking advantage of their holiday time.

-So many names in the intro, again.

-Ugh, poor Roger is still in that Soul Train.

-How on Earth is he going to forgive Jamie and Young Ian for this?

-I wouldn’t, seriously, after what poor Roger has been through.

-I realise that I now call him Poor Roger all the time.

-Is that one talking to Fergus the translator dude from a thousand episodes ago? I honestly can’t remember.

-Although, if those are Regulators, it makes sense my brain hadn’t kept their faces.

-Like, are they the Regulators or are they the rebels fighting the Regulators? That’s how much I care about the Regulators plot. All I can recall is that they hate creepy Governor, aka Tryon, aka in my head as Tyrion because my subconscious misses Game of Thrones.

-But please, don’t throw Fergus into that plot. Let him be after this episode, with something better.

-Did Brianna tell Lord John about Downton last week? He seems all caught up on this season.

-Great. Raping was something that would only bring shame to the victim. So, nothing has changed since the 18th century. The world sucks.

-Downton will hang… unless he escapes… again (dun dun DUN!)

-By the way, is the River Run house an actual house in Scotland? That we can visit? Because it is gorgeous.

-“Afternoon tea with a murderer.” I love Lord John.

-Jamie’s letter! I thought we wouldn’t get to read it.

-Middle-aged Jamie is so wise and pensive and beautiful.

-Aaaand that’s all we’ll see of Sam today. Enjoy your daiquiris.

-Can someone tell me how many days it takes to travel from Fraser’s Ridge to Wilmington? I need to know those things.

-What a sweet, fake fiancé Lord John is.

-Roger looks griiiiiiimy.

-BUT! At least he is not wearing those awful-yet-historically-accurate culottes anymore.

-That’s a very white baby for a Mohawk lady…

-Outlander, the show where every character, no matter the century, speaks fluent French.

-Oh, Roger, you can’t escape. We’ve established that.

-That healer is wise. She should be the chief.

-I love carriages. If only we still used them.

-Oh my God, that red and beige dress Bree is wearing is BEAUTIFUL.

-Brianna, your mum is not going to be back before the baby is born, sorry, but deal with it -and with the fact that, you know, no epidural.

-“You are impossible not to like.” Understatement of the (18th) century.

-Roger looks so pathetic, I feel so sorry for him.

-That hut sounds like he is going to die in it.

-Red Coat dude is jealoooooous. He is so in love with the healer. But we can all be sure he is not the father of that white walker baby.

-Is that like a tripping hut? Now all I can think of is that sweat lodge George Sr builds in the border with Mexico in Arrested Development.

-That. Is. A. Hot. Priest.

-I always get shocked when I see good-looking priests (yes, this one’s an actor, etc etc. Shut up).

-I knew that nickname had to do with Roger’s beard.

-That is a looooong walk indeed, Roger. And I like walking.

-Wait, Hot Priest HAS to be the white baby’s dad!

-Oh, Fergus, please don’t get you and your wife killed somehow.

-Prison break, Outlander edition.

-Well, duh, Fergus! You should have been living at Fraser’s Ridge for like ten episodes now. You two would have featured way more this season.

-I knew it! Hot Priest is the baby daddy.

-Such a stupid way to get imprisoned. But I can understand Hot Priest’s point.

-Oh no, they are going to kill Hot Priest. We just met him!

-Okay, still alive. And for some reason, naked.

-WHAT THE F! How is he still alive?

-Ouch, ouch. They should have just killed the man.

-That wail of pain when Roger is curing him.

-All this because he wouldn’t baptise the child? They could have just got another priest to do that!

-Listen to Roger, dude.

-You followed her across an ocean and two centuries, ahem.

-Hot Priest, listen to Roger’s recap of the last seven episodes of Outlander.

-Oh, Roger, so you kind of guessed that the handsome ginger who beat you almost to death was Jamie.

-I loved that realisation look on his face as he was telling that part of the story.

-I’m starting to suspect Roger thinks Jamie beat him because he had “abandoned” Bree -ah, misunderstandings.

-Poor Roger, he’s so confused. He doesn’t know shit right now.

-If he watched Outlander, he’d know Jamie and Claire are on their way.

-By the way, Hot Priest reminds me a lot of Lost’s Sawyer with his hair down like that.

-He looks totally okay about missing an ear right now. I would be screaming in agony every waking minute.

-Surprise. Hot Priest doesn’t want to die.

-I’m fearing the worst, though. This is the show that kept its two main characters apart for twenty years, after all.

-Oh, Hot Priest, you idiot.

-Lord John is like, the best.

-How formal everyone is. And just to enter a prison.

-Oh, Fergus, I hope that gunpowder you are spreading everywhere won’t accidentally free Downton.

-Who’s minding Fergus and Marsali’s son?

-Oh, forget it, he’s there in the carriage.

-Ugh, Downton looks dirty.

-Oh my god, Fergus, don’t mess things up. Pleaseeee!

-What a big F.U. to Downton. Well done, Bree.

-That “while you rot” line. Ouch.

-Wait, what is he…

-Tiny act of kindness from Downton. Sort of. There’s that.

-Will they use it to time travel? I’m just going to ask that whenever I see a gemstone.

-Fergus, seriously.

-Oh, come on. Can’t anyone see where the keys are?

-Don’t blow up the jail! Haven’t you seen Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl? Every prisoner will get out of it!

-Has Downton just died?

-Roger, don’t. Your escape tactics never work.

-And your in-laws are comiiiiing!

-Oh, Roger, you are going to come back to help Hot Priest and you know it.

-That poor Hot Priest. That poor Mohawk Claire.

-Someone please shoot an arrow into his chest, like Jon Snow did with Mance Rayder.

-Err, was that Roger’s intention, or did he think the barrel had water to put out the fire?

-I’m going with the first option. Hopefully.

-Oh, no. What. WHAT.

-WHAT.

-WHAT?!?!?!!!

-That was… beautiful.

-But seriously. WHAT.

-Red Coat was clearly into Mohawk Claire.

-I expect Claire will do that when Jamie dies. Mark my words, as Bonnie PC used to say. Foreshadowing.

-For a second, I thought he might throw the baby to the stake with the parents.

-But no, he is going to Lord John him.

-Holy crap. And only one episode left.

-I hope Caitriona comes back next week with a nice tan from her holiday, because it is going to be INTENSE.