Aziz Ansari, who is one of the most popular comedians in the country, welcomed a friend of mine to dinner somewhere in New York. (Ansari played the Lothario, in the praised Parks and Recreation to have 10.9 million Twitter followers and completely sold out Madison Square Garden twice for his one-man show. )

They met to discuss the first Aziz Ansari book, the Modern Romance (for which he received an advance of $3.5 million) co-written by Eric Klinenberg, a sociologist, and published in 2015 by the Penguin Press. Its an unexpectedly serious work on the pitfalls and challenges of finding love in the digital age through Tinder, Match.com, Twitter, Facebook, OkCupid etc etc

Aziz Ansari is now 33 years old. This is not some old and confused grandfather when it comes to understanding the modern hyper-connected times. But he is old enough, he said, to talk to someone on the phone. Texting is less worrisome (‘Yo, waddup!’) And it’s easier to cheat, break-up, and go snooping around. He mentioned the erotic thriller ‘Unfaithful’ from 2002, where the old Richard Gere hires a private investigator to snoop around his lovely wife, Diane Lane, who’s having an extramarital affair with a hot French stud. “If they make the movie now,” said Aziz says, “he would only look at her cellphone and he’ll go ‘who is this person you are texting & asking,”Let’s make out again?”!?’ The whole film will be over in like 15 minutes! ”

He thinks that the most intimate relationship we have is with our smartphone. According to their research, OkCupid is creating approximately 40,000+ dates a day, while some two billion wipes on Tinder produces 12 million matches every day. ‘This is an impressive number, and I think it’s great that all of these tools can help people find happiness and love. I mean, sometimes it does not go well, but there are so many people who’ve been helped. In a way, it is creating all this love on our beautiful planet that would not have been created otherwise.’

There was a time when we had to classified ads in these thing known as “newspapers”. (An attractive mid-40’s man who is interested in hiking, travel would love to meet a tall blonde, should be around 20 years). However, now Aziz cited a young insecure man he interviewed who complained he only had 65 matches on Tinder, whereas his girlfriend had hundreds of matches. “Only 65 women!! That is crazy!”. Remarks Aziz, “I used to know only 4 women”.

“Now you have entered into the paradox of choice. What is weird is that all standards are changing so rapidly. Are there too many choices? Just cause you have 65 matches-don’t try to hang out with all 65. You can chill out with a few and see if there is a connection.”

E.M. Forster’s famous 1910’s epigraph, ‘only connect,’ has been turned into a not only a web search for relationship or marriage, but also for perfect love. Aziz Ansari, a romantic realist, sees the downside. He notes in Modern Romance that modern technology has changed this generation inp ‘the most rude, flakiest people ever’. ‘I think that the phones we have gave us the tools to be rude’, he said. ‘It is easier to text when you want to break-up with someone, rather than having a conversation and, you know, deal with the consequences. This is easier because you will not hear the disappointment in their voices.’

We have become divided souls, he maintains, between the true self and the smart-phone self. And we get ourselves wrong! When Aziz wrote stand-up about dating online, he experimented with filling out forms of fake accounts on many dating sites. The person he wanted to find was “a bit younger than me, petite, with dark hair.” However, the girlfriend he’s been happily living with for the past three years in Los Angeles is a bit taller, older and blonde.

Even Match.com’s own search algorithms confirm the discovery that the partners people say they want online surprising often do not match up to what they are really interested in. ‘Who knows what you eliminate?’ Ansari asked. His love at this time would not have made it past the filters placed on his own online dating profile. He says ‘If we could have just a single check box, it would say, ‘I want someone with whom I could have a very deep connection and can sit around having the most enjoyable time–ever!’

In the end, each dating tool is a means of a traditional outcome. A risky, real and live face to face meeting! In fact, Ansari first met his current girl friend, pastry chef, through friends before starting their SMS dance (which he published in Modern Romance). And, as a bonus, his parents, immigrants from Tamil Nadu (Southern India), are the successful results of an arranged marriage. They married a week after their meeting, some thirty five years ago.

Aziz Ansari agrees that falling in love is an eternal mystery, and for bad or for good, until death do us apart, the digital age is here to stay and help.