Did you seriously just call me homophobic? 🤦🏼‍♀️

I don’t agree with the institute of marriage, however there are larger issues at play when it comes to relationships and child rearing. We would need to change the laws regarding parental rights and responsibilities, create massive changes in social support systems, and change a lot of other crucial things.

Dating a man does not isolate me from other women nor does it make it harder or stop my ability to support lesbians. I don’t get your logic here. What about me dating a man makes me supportive of patriarchy or lacking support for lesbians?

I don’t think women should marry men if they value feminism and their independence. I don’t think women should rely on them for finances or even cohabitate if they can’t realistically put boundaries and rules in place to keep the relationship egalitarian. That being said, I don’t see why fucking man or dating them is off the table if you have your whole independent life where you can do whatever activism you need to do and support whatever women you want to support.￼ I happen to be bisexual, so I have more options, and I have no care or need for a lifelong relationship, but this is a serious issue for any woman who is heterosexual, and doesn’t want to spend the rest of her life alone. Asking her to forgoe intimacy to “prove her commitment to the cause” or “prove her loyalty” is going to go nowhere. If you choose not to have any activism with those women because you see them as less committed, that is well within your choice that you can make, but I think you are limiting yourself and hurting your own cause in some ways by being so rigid in how other people live their lives especially when it comes to intimacy.￼ is it not more important to teach women red flags to look for and teach them to value themselves and value their independence and value other women so that they can make whatever relationships they choose to have better and less patriarchal and more supportive of women centered feminism?

The way you phrase certain things like “abandon them for dick”, is very telling of your perspective. I would never ever put my boyfriend above my need to protect or support women and he would never ask me to do that.￼ He is the father of a teenage girl and he cares very very much about building a world for her that is better and more feminist and more supportive of women and less patriarchal. I’ve incorporated radical feminist perspectives in every romantic relationship I’ve had with men as an adult, and I have made a huge difference in changing the perspectives of my male friends, male family members, and male sexual partners. While many women don’t think that it’s worth talking to men at all, I feel like if I am existing in this world anyways and I’m around man how could I not bring those perspectives into everything I say and do?

How would I be helping or standing in solidarity with lesbians by not dating men? that’s not feminist activism to not date men it’s just a choice that doesn’t happen to be feminist, and unless I’m enacting patriarchy in my relationship or my morals, or my boyfriend is a misogynist, it is a relatively neutral choice￼ that has no bearing on my ability to be an activist in radical feminist circles, as long as I am conscious of potential bias in my thinking and can check myself and listen to other women’s perspectives that differ from mine. This consciousness of potential bias applies to all of the facets of my personhood that could influence my opinions, such as my race, my nationality, my economic privilege, and other axis’s of oppression￼. I need to be conscious of all of these biases in order to be an effective radical feminist activist.￼

I completely understand why lesbians are hesitant to engage in any activism with women who are in heterosexual relationships. I have seen homophobia and ignorance from women in heterosexual relationships not infrequently. However, it’s not particularly the fact that they’re in relationships with men so much is it’s who these women are, who they’re choosing to date,￼ how their socialization into patriarchy has conditioned them to think and behave, And how they’re letting that socialization and those relationships cloud their judgment. These are issues I think we can address as feminists. My goal, is to raise women’s standards of behavior, teach young women to have high expectations of their partners, and for any women who do choose to date men, give them the tools they need to maintain their independence and radical feminist perspective, as well as their ability to create sisterhood with other women and participate in radical feminist activism. Part of this is changing social norms, part of this is changing law, and part of this is really teaching women to not tolerate misogyny in their relationships and in their lives. Personally, I think this is a more effective approach than criticizing women for dating men and telling them that they can’t be feminists unless they stop dating￼ men, especially if they’re heterosexual. You’re just not gonna get any women except for lesbians and febfems to join your cause if that’s your approach. If that’s what you wanna do and those are the only women you want to work with, go for it. I have no problem with you doing that and I think that those groups of women who do completely want to denounce men are absolutely valid and are very very necessary in this fight against patriarchy. I just don’t think those are the only women that can be feminist or commit to destroying patriarchy￼.

I hope I addressed everything that you mentioned in your comments, I’m writing all of this on mobile and it’s been hard to kind of go back-and-forth and read your comment and then try to make sure I’m responding to everything so if there’s anything else that you need to address I hope I addressed everything that you mentioned in your comments, I am writing all of this on mobile and it’s been hard to kind of go back-and-forth and read your comment and then try to make sure I’m responding to everything so if there’s anything else that you need to address I’m happy to discuss it.