Photo credit: Suzanne Kang

Our friend Suzanne went to the Hershey Bears game this weekend, and this happened. I’m not sure we have the vocabulary to describe it, but here goes: It’s a Sidney Crosby–Alex Ovechkin mash-up shirsey, the holy grail of what Greg Wyshysnki would call a “jersey foul.”

In one way, it makes sense. This is a fan at a Bears game in Pennsylvania. The Bears are the farm team for Ovechkin’s Capitals, and Hershey is only a few hours away from Crosby’s Penguins. These are the two stars of the two big teams that matter to this person. It’s almost defensible.

But no.

This is wrong in so many ways, we had to bust out the bullets:

Canadian vs Russian

Center vs Winger

“Diver” vs “Dirty”

Internecine Patrick Division/Mason-Dixon connection

“Crochkin” not a very pleasant portmanteau

They haven’t even played one another in like 400 days

Numerous stitching concerns

All that aside, it’s also kind of admirable. It’s like shooting the moon in hearts or buying every Good Charlotte album. It’s so completely and unfathomably wrong that it approaches perfection. It is zen-like in its degree of chaos. It’s like a pretty little snowflake, unlike anything else in the word, and also someone peed on it.

Keep reachin’ for that rainbow, Crochkin. Shine on, you crazy diamond.

P.S. go to our brother blog, Sweetest Hockey on Earth, to learn exactly how much arse the Hersey Bears are kicking right now.