Hey everyone! Wow, so many things happened in this last episode: Archie continue to be a douche to everyone and Juggy may have lived with Archie a little too long, because he became a little douchy too! Betty gave us the creepiest rendition of Happy Birth Day ever, Chuck returned, someone tasted the Kool-Aid (ew) and finally, the best part of all, Cheryl was called out for #Twincest! Let's dive in!





Reminder: Blue are my words and White are actual show quotes

We started off with Archie telling V what he learned while hanging out with the rest of the gingers in town.





Then he kept telling people things he shouldn't

Then Chuck (from like seven episodes ago) showed back up! He immediately ran to Ethel.





Veronica did some detective work after hearing what Archie told her but Hermoine felt differently about it.





But then she was late to cheer practice which means only one thing. Dance off, Bring it on style! (honestly, while I did enjoy this I wonder if the choreography was done by the great peeps over at Key of Awesome or Fifth Harmony?)

And Veronica one, which made Cheryl so mad that she fired her best friends from the squad and from being her friends.





Veronica would later receive a threatening letter from her father.





The night of Juggy's party, #Bughead go to the movies

While his friends planned the surprise party that he never wanted.

Then the creepiest rendition of Happy B-Day was sung, thank you Betty

And Jughead was all of us

I know his cake was suppose to be made like a hamburger but it looked like crap, imo





And of course Archie needed some attention

But then Cheryl and Chuck arrived and the real party got started!





Joquin was there too and looked like he was so NOT into making out with Kevin





But then he spilled every secret he knew to Juggy's daddy!





And Juggy went Archie on Betty





Archie saw Val but she was worried about more pressing matters

Then Juggy tried to leaved but was stopped:





And all of the secrets came pouring out!





And Juggy and Chuck got into a fight!





The episode wrapped up with three major things. 1. #Bughead made up





Veronica tasted the Kool-Aid

And both of Archie's parents came back!





















Betty's shirt. Betty's shirt, you guys. That's what this episode was to me.









That and Molly Ringwald being Archie's mom! But mainly the shirt. It was adorable, and she was adorable, and I thought she and Juggie were going to be adorable throughout the episode, but they got less adorbs as time went on. Juggie's fault, not Betty's. And partly Archie's for letting the entire school in on Juggie's birthday party, but I'm jumping ahead of myself.





It was Jughead's birthday! He didn't wanna tell anyone because he doesn't like to celebrate and he doesn't like people and all that jazz. Archie told Betty, though. He broke the...bro code? Jughead is more sophisticated than I am, he calls it a "primal betrayal." I don't know. So Betty started planning a party for her boyfriend, a quaint inner circle only party she thought he would like. They went to a movie and came back to Archie's house (a Fredless house since he went to visit his soon to be ex wife) for the surprise. Jughead wasn't thrilled, and Betty's creepy version of "Happy Birthday" probably didn't help. I don't suggest viewing this before bed because you might have nightmares.









Shit didn't hit the fan until Cheryl and Chuck showed up with every kid from Riverdale High. Archie could have easily dismissed them, but instead chose to let them all in and crash the nice little friends only party. It upsets Jug greatly and ends up being most upset with Betty. Because she's the one that invited the loud rowdy crowd in? No, that was Archie. I mean it's accurate, I guess. In all reality a popular teen boy in high school probably wouldn't turn down the opportunity to host a wild party like this one. And we all know this Archie, this was expected.









I did NOT expect Veronica to hook up with this version of Archie. Val got it right last night when she said that Archie was a mess or a hot mess or whatever it was. Hot mess, I think. He's on and off with girls, he's been really whiny lately, and he ruined the birthday party that Juggie didn't want. You know, as I typed that last part I started to see a little of where Archie was coming from when he let the party crashers in. Jughead didn't want the party to begin with and he already wasn't having a very good time, so yeah, screw it, one keg in the kitchen and one in the backyard!









Wait! NO! I have to be consistent. Archie BAD everyone else GOOD. So why, Veronica? Why you do that thing with Archie? Veronica and Archie both were in vulnerable places when the incident (from this moment on the Veronica and Archie sexy time event that occurred in The Lost Weekend will be referred to as "the incident") took place. Archie is worried about his parents and their divorce, and V is worried about having to go on record and support her dad in court.





Hiram Lodge gets worse and worse as we learn more about him. He threatened V in a passive aggressive way last night when he found out she did not want to make a statement on his behalf. He basically said he would take down her mom, Hermione, if Veronica didn't talk. As we already know, Veronica is hesitant because she found out about how shady her pops was and how he hurts people he does business with, but she also learned last night that Cheryl Blossom's dad had something to do with Hiram's imprisonment. Now the lawyer and V are concerned that Hiram had something to do with the death of Jason Blossom as some sort of revenge. These parents, man. Manipulative and mean they are. Anyway, Archie and Veronica found each other's company in the kitchen of Archie's home and they got all emotional and close and it eventually led to the incident.





Not before the party ended though. Cheryl and Chuck gather all the guests in the living room to ask highly sensitive questions. And everyone listens and participates. Why? They didn't have to participate. Cheryl and Chuck were outnumbered so why not just not listen to them? I may never know. I really shouldn't complain too much, though, because Veronica turns it around on Cheryl eventually and calls her out on her inappropriate feelings for her brother and then accuses her of killing him. It was AWESOME! Cheryl was bullying and bullies deserve to be shamed and embarrassed. Go Veronice! Go, Go VERONICA! WOOO! But things really got out of hand when Chuck started after Betty. Archie got defensive and then Juggie got physical and let Chuck hear his body talk. In other words, he punched him. Then Chuck punched Jug. Then Jug's dad threw all the kids out of the house because he was there, by the way, and hadn't done it sooner. He probably should have.





By morning a hungover Archie has the house cleaned up and ready for Fred's return. Fred comes home, but he isn't alone.







