Recently the Top Romp team reached out to the Hinge CEO, Justin McLeod, to see if he would like to collaborate with TopRomp.com. To our surprise he quickly responded. After reading over his email, one thing became clear: Hinge is not a dating app! We spoke to the best online dating investigators to really dive into the app and study all the subtle details. We wanted to show the world how Hinge is not a dating app but rather a “social network for dating”. Our results are below.

1. Time

As you can see Hinge refills your batch every day at noon. We compared that to the most popular dating app — Tinder. Tinder as you can see does not have this capability. We asked Weatherman Steve Carr for his opinion. He offered this explanation: “Since Hinge offers possible new matches at a specific time, and that time being noon, the data points are clearly indicative of it not being a dating app. Noon is a significant time. At noon the sun is at it’s highest point above the earth. Cross-sectioning the longitudinal altitude with the frequency of aerial sound waves quickly proves that Hinge is simply a dating social network.”

2. Stats

There is a beautifully designed stats screen. Definitely an indicator for a dating social network.

3. Color

See the subtle use of blue. The hue is extremely rare. Dating app designers have avoided this blue for the fact that this blue specifically attracts online daters to build their social network. We wanted to further understand this complexity so we hired the top psychologist in the world: Dr. Blue Meoff. This man has over 30 years of experience with this very color. He sat down with us and explained, “As you can see, the Hinge blue is very calming, trustworthy, and reassuring. It makes you want to build a social network. It’s very easy on the eyes and allows for true relationships and connections. You look at that blue and think ‘Gee, I don’t need to get laid all the time.'”

4. More Text

As you can see the Hinge support feature is stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey with text. We brought in Dr. Bright from Duncan University, PhD in Online Social Networks, and asked for his opinion. “Well Zach, as you mentioned, Hinge does offer a comprehensive support guide. We find when there is over 100 words of text, specifically in the support guide, that no longer classifies the app as a dating app but rather a dating social network.” Illuminating. Dr. Bright further adds, “We have studied Hinge for a few months now and the results are surprising. We believe this confusion has come from Gen Y and blogs such as Elite Daily. These media outlets has really blurred the picture for dating social networks.”

5. Full Names

Full names are by far the biggest giveaway that Hinge is a dating social network. Why would a dating app give away last names? They wouldn’t! That’s right. Our biggest fear is privacy. Mark Zuckerberg and Larry Page have crossed the line on a few occasions. With the amount of transparency that Hinge provides, it falls under the dating social network category. We asked dating guru Behet Mohammed for his opinion. Mohammed explained to me that apps such as Hot Or Not and even OkCupid do not strive for transparency but rather help men and women get laid. Our generation is now past these inhumane insincere acts; we need to bring back transparency. Hinge is on the forefront and has begun a transparent revolution known as “Last Name Transparency For Online Dating Networks”.

It’s clear: Hinge, you’re a social network

We talked to the experts and you read it here first, folks. Even though our survey results are startling and disappointing to the Hinge CEO, Justin McLeod, he does have the upper hand. He did just raise 4.5 million dollars. We now ask everyone to take a moment and really thank Hinge for their efforts to revolutionize the online dating landscape. We believe the best is yet to come.

The article above is meant to be satirical and believe Hinge is a fantastic dating app. You be the judge and download it here.

Photo Courtesy of Hello Giggles