Photo: Vaughn Ridley, Stringer / Getty Images Photo: Nathan Denette, SUB / Associated Press Photo: Karen Warren, Staff Photographer / Houston Chronicle

In my 30 years as an Astros fan, I have had some amazing highs.

My first memory of hearing “Jose Cruuuzzz” announced over the PA in the Astrodome is a big one. Watching the Astros win the NLCS pennant in Downtown Houston with thousands of fans in the streets is another, and finally watching them win a World Series championship this past season is the highest of the highs.

I’ve also had some lows.

Saying goodbye to seeing the Astros play in my beloved Dome was one. That 2015 playoff game against the Kansas City Royals is another. However, I think I’m in the midst of the lowest of the lows I’ve ever experienced as an Astros fan.

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When the notification for the MLB At Bat app popped up on my phone and said that it looked like the Astros would be acquiring Roberto Osuna from the Blue Jays, I thought it either had to be a typo, a joke or some serious misinformation. I thought there was no way that the upstanding Astros organization, led by General Manager Jeff Luhnow, someone that I have long looked up to and fangirled over with the hashtag #InLuhnowWeTrust, would invite someone serving an MLB suspension for domestic violence to join the roster of honorable men in Houston.

It wasn’t a typo. It was true.

My initial reaction was shock. Then came anger. I’ve now landed on sadness, and I believe this will be where I stay in regards to this situation.

About two years after my father, who cultivated my love for the Astros, passed away, my mom became involved with an angry and controlling man. One day after work, I walked into our family house and found her cowering in terror and covered in bruises. It was one of the most horrible moments of my life and one that still brings tears to my eyes many years later. And it did once again today as I thought about my mom and the woman Roberto Osuna is accused of abusing.

In his public statements, Luhnow has mentioned a zero tolerance policy and also second chances. He also mentioned that Osuna felt remorseful. Yet, the player has pleaded not guilty in a Canadian court.

Which is it really?

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Is there a zero tolerance policy for men in the Astros organization who engage in domestic violence? Or do they get a second chance to engage in domestic violence while representing the Astros and Major League Baseball?

Does Osuna feel remorse for what he has done? Or is he innocent? Is it that, since Osuna was part of a different organization, it doesn’t really count and puts no blood on the organization’s hands?

I understand that the details of what happened are not likely to come out due to Canadian law. However, I doubt that MLB would dole out a 75-game suspension to someone who may or may not have had a minor scuffle with his significant other, when Aroldis Chapman received a 30-game suspension after allegedly choking his girlfriend and firing a gun eight times during a domestic violence incident.

So now I have some decisions to make.

One of them regards my responsibility toward my daughter and nephews, whom I frequently take to Astros games. They constantly pretend to play Astros baseball all through the house, rotating through all of the players, and I don’t know that I can take them to any more games while someone of Osuna’s character is on the roster. I don’t want one of them to say “I’m Osuna!” during one of their bouts of make-believe.

I also don’t know that I can go to any more of the games. This breaks my heart. I love this team. But there’s no way that I will be cheering for Osuna. I don’t have capacity to do something like that.

What’s done is done. Osuna is a member of the Houston Astros. But what kind of message does Luhnow think this sends to female fans? To me, it says that winning matters more than character. It says that violence against women is tolerated as long as someone can get the team more W’s. To the young ones in my family, it says that breaking the law isn’t a deal-breaker and that, if you’re a man, you can do bad things without risk of losing money and fame.

I cheered for the Astros during the 100-loss seasons. I cheered for them every second they got swept the first time they went to the World Series.

I can’t cheer for this.

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This team was special. This team gave this city hope. That hope has been damaged.

There are a lot of writers, analysts and commentators over the years who have criticized the Front Office’s approach to the game, saying they disregard the humanity of a person in favor of their stats. The Astros organization has now sent the message, loud and clear, that winning trumps humanity.

Honestly, I’d rather watch the Astros lose without Osuna than win with him, and in a way, the losing started July 30, 2018.

Michalak is a contributor to astroscounty.com .