Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart Respond to the Boston Marathon Bombing

'Whoever did this didn't know sh## about the people of Boston."

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Because they pre-tape their shows, it usually takes comedian news anchors Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert a day or two to respond to events that break in the late afternoon, so the two had to wait until Tuesday night to sound off on the news about Boston. On an occasion when we could use a laugh, boy was it worth the wait.

Stephen Colbert, in particular, found a way to respond defiantly without losing the funny. Here’s what he’s got to say about Boston (which we encourage you to just watch below but for those who don’t want to load video):

Whoever did this obviously did not know sh** about the people of Boston, because nothing these terrorists do is going to shake them. For pete’s sake, Boston was founded by the Pilgrims*, a people so tough they had to buckle their goddamn hats on. It is the cradle of the American Revolution, a city that withstood an 86 year losing streak, a city that made it through the Big Dig, a construction project that backed up traffic for 16 years. I mean, there are commuters just getting home now!

Colbert ends by noting, “These maniacs may have tried to make life bad for the people of Boston, but all they can ever do is show just how good those people are,” which, woof … no, no it’s fine, it’s just allergies. I think it’s dusty in here or something.

Stewart didn’t bother so much with the comedy. He, like the Yankees, merely overlooked his being from New York for half a second to say:

New Yorkers and Boston obviously have a little, you know, competition. Oftentimes the two cities accuse each other of various levels of suckitude. But it is in situations like this that we realize that it is clearly a sibling rivalry, and we are your brothers and sisters in this type of event.

Seriously guys, anyone have some Zyrtec? Anyone? These allergies are really just bothering my eyes. Yeah, maybe just open that window. Yeah, thanks.

*The founders of Boston weren’t technically Pilgrims but we’ll overlook it.