Saudis insist first rule of Saudi consulate Fight Club is that no one talks about Saudi consulate Fight Club

Saudi Arabia has claimed that murdered journalist, Jamal Khashoggi, died in a legitimate, bare-knuckle fist fight with a group of like-minded men who enjoy letting off steam.

The Saudi leadership claims that the former Washington Post scribe was a fully paid-up member of the Saudi Consulate Fight Club, an organisation that was inspired by the testosterone-fuelled feature film of US actor, Brad Pitt.

However, the fifty-strong group of self-confessed hardcases claim they were prevented from disclosing the details of how Khashoggi met his bloody end due to the very strict rules governing their Fight Club, one of which includes a pledge not to talk about it.

Such is the popularity of the group, which meets on a Tuesday evening at the Saudi consulate in Turkey, that top officials regularly borrow one of Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman’s private jets just to get there.

Club member, Saeed Wil-Hamsa, said, “The first rule of Saudi Consulate Fight Club is that you DO NOT talk about Saudi Consulate Fight Club, especially not to the BBC or Reuters during an ongoing murder investigation that could potentially lose you a number of lucrative defence contracts.

“This also happens to be the second rule.

“The third rule is that if someone shouts ‘Stop’, goes limp or uses their column to make unflattering remarks about Crown Prince bin Salman, sixteen of us will kick the shit out of them, quickly dismember the body and dispose of it in the boot of a conveniently located limousine.

“This is also the fourth rule.

“We do it in twos like that. Don’t ask me why! I know it’s kind of quirky, but it just evolved that way. ”

Meanwhile, Wil-Hamsa refused to provide a full list of members’ names and addresses, including a number of prominent overseas participants, claiming he was bound by the club’s fifth rule, which is also its sixth.

He added, “All I will say is this: do you really think Michael Gove achieved his perfectly-toned physique by reading despatch papers?”