The Guardian has obtained a copy of Stormy Daniel’s tell-all account of her affair with Donald Trump, and if you don’t want to know what Mario Kart character his penis resembles then we suggest you leave immediately.

In her memoir, 'Full Disclosure', the porn actor goes into graphic detail about her sex life with Trump back in 2006, and alleges that the former Apprentice star didn’t actually plan on becoming president.

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“It will never happen, I would say,” Daniels writes, recounting conversations with Trump’s former colleagues who were shocked to see him win primary contests for the Republican presidential nomination in 2016. “He doesn’t even want to be president.”

Daniels writes that the story of her tryst with Trump became more sensitive as he rose through the ranks of the Republican party. That, alongside an alleged threat made years earlier, convinced her to sign a $130,000 hush agreement on the eve of the election.

Ethan Miller Getty Images

Daniels, 39, says that Trump never came through with his promise to place her on The Apprentice despite regular phone calls in the year after their affair, which started at a celebrity golf tournament in Lake Tahoe, California. She writes that Trump even suggested they cheat to keep her on the show for more episodes.

“We’ll figure out a way to get you the challenges beforehand,” she quotes him as saying. “And we can devise your technique.”

“He was going to have me cheat, and it was 100 percent his idea.”

Daniels has gone into detail about Trump’s body in the past in order to back up her story, but ‘Full Disclosure’ is much more graphic in its description.

She says that Trump’s penis “smaller than average” but “not freakishly small.”

“He knows he has an unusual penis,” Daniels writes. “It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool…

“It may have been the least impressive sex I’d ever had, but clearly, he didn’t share that opinion.”



“I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart...

A moment of silence, please, for all the Mario Karters across the world who play as Toad.

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