I’ve spent a long time over the years I’ve been around judging and sneering at others who do things differently to me. During that time there were also many things that I kept to myself for fear of the very same treatment. There are many things in life that I hold close to my heart but that I keep to myself in order to avoid that sneering look of disapproval and disdain from those who know me, and even those who don’t.

Of course some things are universally acceptable, like a love of music or film, an appreciation of food or a damn good beer. But even within that there are factions and cliques, the trenies verses the geeks, the cultured verses the common. The simple fact is that we all have likes and dislikes that are not to the tastes of others. And yet that desire to fit in, to be accepted forces so many of us to hide away those little details and nuances that we think no one else will understand.

Since my arrival in Portland, and for sometime before I have coined myself a new maxim by which I live:

Be yourself, with fear and without judgment.

Put more simply, you could just say “Why pretend?”.

As I considered more and more the effect certain types of thoughts have on my general state of mind, I realized that judging people by what they love to do causes an ugly state of mind. Fear of acceptance is perhaps the most common of mental ailments that causes many to try to alter their behavior, resulting in a feeling of dislocation from who we truly causing enormous amounts of stress and discomfort. Judgment of others I believe, is rooted in the same damaging malady. While those who fear acceptance hide themselves away for protection, those who judge effectively use the attitude to give themselves more credence over who they are. Loudly defining yourself by what you are not, by laughing and sneering at others, is a consequence of that same need to protect ones inner vulnerability and weakness from the world at large. Creating a barrier of snobbery and superiority makes us feel safer in the same way as hiding oneself away.

True confidence in oneself as a person (not necessarily in ones abilities) is the only way to feel fully comfortable in the world. It is not easy. It requires a dedication to discovering, for real, who “you” really is and then showing that to the world without worrying about the consequence. There will always be people who get you, who appreciate you and accept you for yourself. Indeed, the more you show them, without fearing their disapproval, the more they will love you for it.

Take off that protection you’ve been holding on to for so long, be it shyness or superior arrogance, and go into the world knowing that you are special, unique, a one of a kind that deserves to be loved for what you truly are.