As I learn more about the shooter, even through my anger, I can feel compassion for him.

How? Why?

Because he’s a screwed up kid who had a shitty life who clearly never had the love he needed to be nurtured and whole. And who, in that void, filled his life with destructive things.

So let’s talk about white culture … and how it throws children away.

Let’s talk about how heterosexual marriages of one man and one woman aren’t some utopian panacea of ideal parenting.

Let’s talk about the lack of family counseling, the lack of human knowledge and understanding of human psychology, the lack of healthy communication and relationship development.

I’ve asked myself, “who am I angry with?”

And it’s us. I’m mad at us. I’m angry that in 2015, with all that we know and all that we have — the vast resources available to us as a country — we still can’t get our shit together to have a better society than we do.

And I’m angry with people who don’t get it, people who don’t understand, who can’t see the big picture, and who return to their self-protective ego defenses of denying, defending, deflecting, minimizing and rationalizing in matters such as these.

If you don’t understand racism — don’t act like it doesn’t exist.

If you don’t understand human psychology – don’t act like it doesn’t exist.

If you don’t understand why we’re so upset “this time” — you haven’t been paying attention to the cumulative effect of all the other times.

As mothers, we are sick to death of these acts of violence. And this mother refuses to raise her children in this type of unhealthy society.

Christy Caine, head admin and primary commenter/responder on the Unfundamentalist Christians Facebook page, is a writer, advocate, and mom of boys. She is interested in justice, compassion, and where the worlds of faith and politics collide. She blogs at Leap of Fate, and is currently writing a spiritual memoir.