Disturbance Felt Across Country As Millions Of Christian Women Cry Out At Once

U.S.—A "great disturbance" was reportedly felt across the country this week at the very moment Tim Tebow proposed to his girlfriend, former Miss Universe Demi-Leigh Nel-Peters.

Tebow took a knee and popped the question, causing a ripple to be felt tearing through single Christian women all over the nation.

"It is as though millions of Christian women suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced," said one professor of metaphysical research, Dr. Ben K. Nobee. "I haven't felt a disturbance like this in many, many years---not since DC Talk broke up, perhaps."

"Ugh---I don't feel so good," Staci Prior of Atlanta said abruptly while eating with her coworkers. "It's---it's Tebow. I think he's in trouble." Her coworkers were then amazed as she checked her Instagram, and sure enough, Tim Tebow had posted a picture of himself proposing to Nel-Peters.

Prior fell to her knees, raised her arms to the sky, and cried, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" according to sources.

Similar scenes played out all over the country, with Christian women fainting, falling to the floor, or feeling a sudden sense of doom.

Tebow later clarified he was simply doing his daily devotionals when Nel-Peters mistook his usual kneeling position for a proposal, "but I just went with it."

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