Peter Lanza, the father of Sandy Hook shooter Adam Lanza, this week made headlines with comments about his struggles as a parent of a child with Asperger syndrome, a form of autism.

I, too, have a son with Asperger’s, and although we have completely different stories, I can relate to Peter Lanza’s struggles. It is always difficult to fully express what families who are touched by Asperger’s have to deal with on a daily basis. I was always taken back by how we — although my wife carried the largest share of the burden — had to educate doctors, dentists, optometrists, teachers and even some psychologists about how to deal with someone with Asperger’s.

Our son, Zachary, was born in 1991 and he faced many medical issues the first few years of his life. We soon noticed his behavior was not the same as other kids in his age group. After many years, we were able to get a diagnosis of Asperger’s. The struggles up to that point included many meetings with educators about our son’s disruptive behavior in school; hours of counseling sessions with psychologists who sometimes blamed our parenting skills; countless doctor visits; and many drug trials. My wife spent many, many hours battling, searching, fighting and negotiating to find help for our son.

Finally, we found gifted tutors who quickly recognized and knew how to teach our son to cope with his disability. Then we found doctors who were focused and educated in disabilities like our son’s, leading to appropriate medications. And, of course, there were exceptional adults and kids who took our son “under their wing” and helped him.

One area where we did not get good results was the school system. After the diagnosis of Asperger’s, we were able to get an individualized education program for Zachary. But even with an IEP, the schools place everyone into “buckets.” For example, most kids are average and are placed in the biggest bucket and follow the normal classroom routines. Another bucket is for the advanced kids, who are usually self-motivating and for whom learning comes easy. (Most schools brag about their gifted-and-talented programs even though this group does not require any additional resources.)

A much smaller bucket is for the severely disabled kids, the ones with Down syndrome or severe medical disabilities, who require lots of individual care. The last bucket, where our son was placed, was for kids who could not cope with the normal classroom environment or traditional methods of instruction. The pace was slower and there was not much depth in instruction. That did not work for Zachary, unfortunately. Even though he has Asperger’s, he was exceptionally smart and soon became disruptive because he was bored.

We offered many solutions to the school, including selecting teachers who were educated in dealing with kids with Asperger’s, but the school system could not think outside of their bucket system. We ended up sending our son to a residential school for two years to finish high school. We were fortunate to have the income to achieve a good outcome, but we know that is not financially feasible for many other families.

Our son is now living independently. He may not ever be able to hold a “normal” job, but he is a very active volunteer for Phamaly, a professional theater company for the disabled.

Kids like Zachary or Adam are not unique. You see these kids everywhere: They are the ones with “issues” or are withdrawn, or hyperactive, or don’t act like the other kids. Fortunately, doctors are becoming educated in recognizing and diagnosing Asperger’s.

Still needed: medical research to find a cure, or at least better medications; a better education system, since each “aspy” kid is unique and requires a unique solution; and trained mental health professionals to help not only the kids but the families as well. The strains placed on families living with disabilities are huge.

Mark D. Cutright works for Atlas Energy in Denver.