You’d think after an NHL coach was summarily dismissed for failing at his job, that the criticism would be aimed at said individual who failed at his job.

But not when Phil Kessel is a big, fat, back-talkin’ target in the Toronto Maple Leafs’ room! Did we mention fat? The Toronto media does. Often.

As we read more and more Phil Kessel criticism, the more we felt like we were reading Alex Ovechkin MAD-LIBS. “He’s un-coachable!” “He’s not a leader!” “He doesn’t play defense!” “You can’t win with him!”

It got to the point where we wondered if the criticisms of Kessel were even discernable from the criticisms of Ovechkin … and we decided to put that theory to the test.

Furthermore, we wondered if criticisms of these two athletes could be discernable from criticisms of any maligned pop culture controversy magnet, one with the perceived sense of entitlement and attitude problems.

So we decided to create the following quiz:

Can You Differentiate Between Media Critiques of Phil Kessel, Alex Ovechkin and Canadian pop tart Justin Bieber?

Here’s our 10-question quiz. Which of the following statements were made about Ovechkin, Kessel or Bieber?

The answer key is linked below. Write down your answers and your score and then find out which category you fall into!

OK, here we go!

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1. “His public numbskullery is a corrosive example to other incipient knuckleheads.”

2. “No matter how many times you proclaim that you’re not going to pay attention to the ‘haters,’ it has to hurt. You’re not used to having so much negative feedback and press.”

3. “His indifference at times is so apparent, that it’s actually comical.”

4. “He’s gone from the golden child who could do no wrong to a lightning rod for criticism.”

5. “No heart, no grit … and precious little accountability.”

6. “He’s earned a well-founded reputation as a brat.”

7. “He preens, he parries, he oozes with visceral contempt for the entire process.”

8. “HIS MOM’S HIS AGENT!”

9. “He wants to have fun being a celebrity? Enjoy a few pops with his buddies? More power to him. But the good times seem to be the whole story now. Ultimately, they create the perception of someone who is satisfied to coast on his considerable talent rather than push himself.”

10. “Everything in each day is all about him.”

***

How did you score?

1-3 Correct: Kessel Runner

C’mon fattie, you’re never going to win with multiple chins.

4-7 Correct: Russian Machine

You accomplished something memorable, but ultimately won nothing.

8-9 Correct: True Belieber

Baby, baby, baby ohhhhhh you did almost the best.

10 Correct: Toronto Press Association Member

#TradeKessel