We are publishing personal essays from CNN's global staff as they live and cover the story of Covid-19. Zach Wade is a senior programming producer for CNN in Atlanta.

Atlanta (CNN) We were boyfriends for four years. Every anniversary was a party. The engagement was epic, complete with an Instagram-worthy surprise proposal against the Los Angeles skyline. Best of all, Kartik said yes.

The engagement in Los Angeles on April 11, 2019 -- exactly a year before the wedding date.

Then the April wedding to mark our 5-year anniversary was bulldozed by a once-in-a-lifetime global crisis.

When you have something big planned and it falls apart, it can feel like the universe has you in its crosshairs. It seemed like our wedding had a giant pandemic target on its back.

More than 100 people were expected to rave to infectious beats well within 6 feet of each other. Then we were planning to jet off to Italy to honeymoon in what quickly became a tragic epicenter of sickness and death.

In the weeks ahead of the big day, registry items, guest gifts and apparel for the wedding party piled up on the dining room table in our small Atlanta condo. They were material reminders of the people we wanted to share our day with but also represented the mounting uncertainty over whether we would share it at all.

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