Think that an “attack” that doesn’t involves weapons as being too wussy for a manly road biker like yourself? Tired of beating another rider soundly in the prologue to the stage race, only to have him catch up to you later? Want to REALLY know why aerobars are banned in all mass-start event?

Well, Wirehead Research and Development presents the latest in handlebar technlogy… BAYONET BARS!

An ingenious quick-release mechanism allows this razor-sharp, carefully honed Beryllium blade to clamp beneath your standard aerobars, letting you cut through the rider in front of you just like you cut through air like Superman. The quick-release mechanism keeps the bayonets ready in case you want to settle who caused the pileup in your crit like REAL MEN. The beryllium allows the blade to be lighter than an equivalent titanium or stainless steel blade.

Order yours today! Be the envy of your last surviving time trialist friend! Only on April 1st will you be able to get this essential piece of cycling gear at a low low price of $259.99!