We don't even want to know what Anthony Scaramucci is actually demonstrating here.

Donald Trump’s new communications director is a match made in heaven for the ego-sunken narcissist in chief. During his first turn at the podium Friday afternoon, Anthony Scaramucci lathered up his new boss with one of the most nauseating displays of a tongue bath perhaps ever seen by a White House official.

Sacramucci declared his personal “love” for Trump no less three times, adding, “I’m very, very loyal to the president.” He described Trump as a “winner” with “really good karma,” a “genuinely a wonderful human being” who’s “phenomenal with the press” and “a great communicator.”

In pursuit of making Trump feel like manliest man with the biggest hands the world has ever seen, Scaramucci threw together a truly impressive string of Trump’s supposed sports conquests:

He's the most competitive person I've ever met. I have seen this guy throw a dead spiral through a tire. I've seen him at Madison Square Garden with a topcoat on, he's standing in the key, and he's hitting foul shots and swishing them. He sinks three-foot putts, I don't see this guy as a guy that's ever under siege. [...] The president's a winner, and what we're gonna do is we're gonna do a lot of winning.

Don’t be surprised if Scaramucci produces video of a shirtless Trump jumping a horse through rings of fire next. We just hope he’s not so blinded by the light emanating from Trump that he doesn’t use a body double.

So Scaramucci is an expert butt kisser—for all practical purposes, he loves Trump as much as Trump loves Trump and Trump surely loves that.

Interestingly, Scaramucci also expressed his “love” for almost every other member of Team Trump. That was true of the recently departed Sean Spicer who he called “a patriot” and added, “I hope he goes on to make a tremendous amount of money.” That was true of Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who has now been elevated to Spicer’s former post as press secretary. He even called Reince Priebus, who lobbied against Scaramucci’s hiring, a “dear friend” and promised to work closely with him.

Scaramucci added, “I have no problem working for Reince,” except that he also made it clear he’s reporting “directly” to Trump. That’s an interesting chain of command.

But all that Scaramucci love stopped a tad short of extending to Steve Bannon. Scaramucci called Bannon “one of the smartest people” he knows before offering this tepid reflection:

x Scaramucci: Ã¢ÂÂI want to work with Steve Bannon as closely as I canÃ¢ÂÂ — Zeke Miller (@ZekeJMiller) July 21, 2017

So now that the new communications director who loves Trump almost as much as Trump loves Trump has a direct line to the Oval Office, Reince is as lame a duck as a chief of staff can be.

And Bannon? He’s a “smart” guy—but he might be no match for that lather of Scaramucci adoration.