Dear Deidre

I’M having sex with three men I met through work, even though I have a boyfriend who loves me.

2 I've slept with countless men in the eight years I've been with my boyfriend Credit: Getty - Contributor

My friend thinks I have polyamory — a liking for open sexual relationships with more than one person. But I know I wouldn’t be happy if my boyfriend was polyamorous. I’m in a mess.

I’m 27 and my boyfriend is 29. We’ve been together for eight years and he’s a nice guy, but I’ve cheated on him for the last five.

The number of men I have slept with is into double figures now. Some have been one-offs and some have lasted years. I am not addicted to the sex, it’s more about the attention and validation that I’m sexy and wanted.

Some of these guys are friends, too, and one or two know the truth about me and what I am doing. I have tried to stick to only one extra person but I find myself flirting with everyone.

I am on a three-month work secondment and there are three men who I am seeing in one way or another.

Two of the guys work in my department and the other comes into the office once a week.

2 I just can't stay faithful to him, currently I'm sleeping with three men from work Credit: Getty - Contributor

I’m very strict about STIs and make sure they use protection.

They are all good-looking and I meet them after work for a drink, then we go back to their place for sex. I have especially awesome sex with the guy who comes to the office once a week.

He is 32 and married but I don’t care. He is a passionate lover and he knows just how to give me a good time.

Recently, my boyfriend found some texts on my phone but I just about managed to pass them off as a joke.

Lately I’ve started thinking about where my life is going. I’m not sure my boyfriend is who I am meant to be with.

I’m not sure why I cheat. I know he wouldn’t accept it if he knew what I was doing.

I spoke to a therapist once who thought it might be down to family issues but I need help to know how to stop this and sort myself out.

DEIDRE SAYS: Chances are your parents didn’t have a loving, stable relationship.

It has left you with low self-esteem and you endlessly yearn to feel wanted, needed and desired – so it’s hard for your boyfriend to satisfy that chronic need.

You need ongoing therapeutic help to understand what is driving you, and that has to be backed up by the willpower to make changes.

If you’re not sure if your boyfriend is the right partner for you, ask him to have Relate counselling with you so you can decide one way or the other (relate.org.uk, 0300 100 1234).

My e-leaflet Can’t Be Faithful? will help too. This is a self-destructive pattern you need to break, even if you do finish with your boyfriend and look for a new relationship.

In my experience, those claiming to be polyamorous usually have a background like yours. It stems from emotional damage and isn’t really a choice made out of free will.