Despite my love of lost magic, dragon-hunting, and picturesque fields, Skyrim tore me up inside. While some might savor the hundreds of adventures and glittering chests, I dreaded the exploration. With each turn in the dark depths and darker dungeons, I fought my fears. My fear of missing a single tome. A fabled shield. A letter, lost. The thought of missing such treasure wore away my patience. It shriveled up my fun in Bethesda's world. Such is the exhausting challenge of gaming with a mental illness.

The term "obsessive-compulsive disorder" (OCD) gets thrown around often in the realm of gaming to categorize quirky behavioral patterns and habits in our otherwise happy game sessions. But many gamers lack a full understanding of this disorder and its unique impact on what should otherwise be a satisfying pastime. What, then, is this illness?The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) explains:"...People with OCD feel the need to check things repeatedly, or have certain thoughts or perform routines and rituals over and over. The thoughts and rituals associated with OCD cause distress and get in the way of daily life. The frequent upsetting thoughts are called obsessions. To try to control them, a person will feel an overwhelming urge to repeat certain rituals or behaviors called compulsions."This disorder, like all illnesses, affects people in different ways and to different degrees. I have the good fortune of only suffering a minor case of OCD. And while I smile at my many quirks, I also battle the anxiety and negative thoughts characteristic of the illness. It started in my childhood when I asked my mother to assure me that all the doors were locked every night before bed, and it continued to challenge my perceptions of sickness and -- surprisingly -- romantic relationships well into adulthood.But video games also provide a breeding-ground for OCD. Considering this, we must strive to identify those specific frustrations and encourage those gamers in need of real help to reach out to their doctors.Several professionals in the gaming space have tackled this issue before, including our colleagues at the Escapist . While these explorations shine a light on the illness and its interaction with video games, many gamers still confuse personal quirks with OCD. Jumping through the doorway to a boss battle in Mega Man or a methodical process to track down collectibles and Achievements don't always correlate with the illness.As detailed by the NIMH, the illness generally entails the coupling of negative thoughts, fears, and anxiety with the rituals meant to alleviate them. Failing to carry out these rituals, like performing a certain action in a game, can lead to strong feelings of anxiety.To illuminate the discussion, allow me to submit some personal examples. Before starting a game, I feel the need to check every item in the options menu before beginning the game proper. Playing before performing this ritual causes anxiety, and I will even reenter the options menu after starting to confirm that the options have not somehow changed in the process.A more recent example arose from playing the Mass Effect series; specifically, I noticed obsessions emerge from the dynamic between Paragon and Renegade points. Mass Effect allows players to make moral choices that reward the hero, Commander Shepard, with points that gauge his morality. Focused on playing a Paragon character, any time I accidentally accumulated Renegade points I felt the urge to redo that choice.Coming into Mass Effect 3, my heart plummeted when my hero started the game with a sliver of Renegade points that I had no control over. Anxiety erupted with every glance at those points on screen. Even a miniscule and arbitrary detail like this was enough to hurt my experience.In my many years of gaming these issues have fluctuated in intensity. From replaying entire quests after missing a line of dialogue to completing each map of Diablo III, my OCD has formed and faded but never left. It gnaws at my thoughts when I play games and challenges me to practice self-control.Fortunately there are ways to cope with OCD which can help victims further enjoy their gaming and -- more importantly -- their life as a whole. PubMed Health , an online resource from the U.S. National Library of Medicine , notes this reassuring point about treatment: "Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has been shown to be the most effective type of psychotherapy for this disorder. The patient is exposed many times to a situation that triggers the obsessive thoughts, and learns gradually to tolerate the anxiety and resist the urge to perform the compulsion."What does this mean? Victims can learn how to carefully expose themselves to anxiety and avoid the unnecessary compulsions that typically follow. With the right help and a whole lot of patience, people can handle the disorder and prevent it from consuming them. But always, always consult a medical professional to help you make any important choice related to your health.Do you have an illness that affects your gaming? Do you feel comfortable discussing it with others? Share your experiences, frustrations, breakthroughs and thoughts in the comments section below. And never forget that gaming should add to our lives in meaningful ways. If something stands between you and your controller, work hard to change it.

Ryan Clements writes for IGN. He truly loves video games, despite his difficulties playing them. He hopes to return to Skyrim one day. You can follow him on Twitter as well as here on IGN