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We interviewed our source in the middle of an election, and government propaganda claimed that the opposition was teaming up with the US to create the scarcity. In one TV ad, a humble poor woman is waiting for her free government house. She asks when it will be ready, only to be told that she now has to pay for it. Then she wakes up from her horrible nightmare and resolves to vote for the government before the opposition takes charge and dooms her. "If you vote for the opposition, you're [told you're] going to lose your houses, your privileges, that you won't be able to buy [food staples]. It's a very powerful message."

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But not quite powerful enough, as those elections have since happened and saw the opposition party make significant gains. The government didn't sit back and accept defeat, though. Two days later, our source told us that toilet paper was mysteriously impossible to find again, even on the black market. Remember that when you vote for president, Americans. No matter how much you may hate one candidate, they're not going to take away your TP out of spite.

Robert Evans wrote a book, A Brief History Of Vice, for which he drank his own pee to test an ancient tobacco recipe. The least you can do is pre-order it.

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Did you know cats modeled their "meow" after the cries of human babies, just because they knew us humans care about that noise? Did you know dogs can read your mind (emotionally), and live in constant suspicion that you know where the good food is (you totally do)? In the next LIVE episode of the Cracked Podcast, host Jack O'Brien leads Cracked's team of pet-loving/fearing comedians through all the ways our dogs and cats are more powerful, creepy, and awesome than we ever could have imagined. Jack will be joined by Carmen Angelica, Dan O'Brien, Alex Schmidt, and Jake Weisman at the UCB Sunset Theatre on Wednesday, March 9, at 7 p.m. Purchase your tickets here!

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