Please, sir, may I ask a question?

Of course. It’s important to ask questions and to get good, satisfactory answers: it’s what education is all about.

Why do we have to have Catholic schools and Church of Ireland schools? If they’re both Christians, why can’t they share them?

Because each has its individual ethos and that must be respected and protected.

What’s an ethos?

It’s a particular characteristic spirit.

What does that mean?

Well, each has its own set of beliefs. Catholics believe that when you take Communion, it is actually the body and blood of Christ, whereas Protestants believe the bread and wine just represent the body and blood of Christ.

So the body-and-blood people can’t share a school with the bread-and-wine people?

It’s not as simple as that. Some of the posh body-and-blood people send their children to bread-and-wine schools.

I’m confused. Would it not be better for the Government to have all the schools the same?

Well, in an ideal world maybe you’d be right. But this is Ireland. The body-and- blood people and the bread-and-wine people are very fussy about keeping themselves separate.

But I heard the country is still half-broke. Would it not be cheaper to have all the schools the same?

Oh, it would, but their ethos has to be protected at all costs. And if it was cheaper to do it that way, would there not be more money for special-

needs teachers and things like that? There would, but the ethos has to be protected – and respected – at all times.

Does Jesus Christ like the schools being separated like this?

Don’t be ridiculous – that’s a stupid thing to ask.

But isn’t it his body and blood they’re talking about?

* * * * *

Please sir, may I ask another question?

Of course.

My friend said his mummy and daddy don’t believe in God and they just had him baptised to get him into a school. How could that happen?

Well, it’s to protect the ethos of the school.

But sir, do you not have to be a proper Catholic, going to Mass and all that, to get baptised? Can anyone do it? I heard it was meant to be sort of special.

It’s a sacrament and very, very sacred. It must be taken very seriously. It’s all about protecting the ethos.

But he says he thinks his mummy and daddy are right, and he doesn’t believe in God either. He says none of his friends goes to Mass, and his mummy said that, when he’s a bit older, he’ll have to go to Mass again to get his First Holy Communion and that it’ll be great: he’ll get new clothes and loads of money. I don’t really understand it, sir.

You’re too young: when you’re older you’ll understand these things.

But sir, my dad says it’s all about control.

Quiet, child – how dare you say things like that. This is all to do with protecting the ethos.

* * * * *

Please sir, may I ask another question?

All right.

Who’s in charge of the religions?

The pope is in charge of the Catholics and the Archbishop of Canterbury is in charge of the Anglicans, which is the worldwide name for the Church of Ireland.

Can they not sort out the differences of understanding about the body and blood?

Well, you see, the two churches are run very differently. The Anglicans debate all these things and decide about these matters and about allowing women to be priests and other things like that, but the pope won’t even allow these subjects to be talked about.

Goodness, he sounds very stern. I thought the new pope was meant to be really nice and quite different from the old ones. Does nobody stand up to him?

Well, you see, in the Catholic Church you’re not allowed to do that. The pope is infallible when he speaks ex cathedra.

Please sir, what’s infallible?

It means the pope knows what’s right and wrong and tells his people, and they have to obey him without question.

Goodness, that sounds amazing and so old-fashioned. Was it always like that? Did Jesus tell them it had to be like that?

No. A pope in 1870 decided it was to be like that.

Goodness.

* * * * *

Just one last question please, if you don’t mind, sir?

Go on.

With the country still broke and very little money for special needs and things like that, would the body-and-blood people and the bread-and-wine people not sort things out and get together? Would it not make sense? And would it not be a good Christian thing to do?

But they have to protect their ethos, you must understand; their ethos must be protected and respected at all costs.