Even in the unassailable heights of the transdimensional RPS tower/luxury cruise liner, we can’t entirely escape Flappy Bird mania. Alec wrote about the wonderful, extremely illuminating Maverick Bird from Terry Cavanagh, and John wrote about Sesame Street, because he is John. And now I too will, with a conflicted heart, contribute to the Internet’s ceaseless parade of flappy fappery. There is a Flappy Bird MMO. Personally, I’m pretty sick of Flappy Bird despite the valuable lessons that can be learned from the way everyone fucked up in regard to approaching it, but this MMO is so preposterous that I couldn’t not post about it. I apologize to everyone, but most of all, I apologize to myself.

It’s a freeware tribute where you just play Flappy Bird – similar look, physics, and all – except there are A BILLION PEOPLE doing it alongside you. Horrible slowdown often ensues, and everything about it is entirely absurd.

It’s akin to watching school after school of desperate salmon swim upstream, only there are pipes everywhere and it is just the dumbest thing. But it’s less of a school and more of a swarm. Tiny birdfish with collective aspirations to block out the sun.

This is the world we live in now. FlappyMMO is a metaphor for the internet post-Flappygate. No matter where you look, no matter how far you run, you will only see Flappy Bird. Colossal eyes that never blink engulfing you in endless pools of perfect white. Pipe forests impeding your every action, your every thought. When you gaze into the Flappy Abyss, it gazes into you. The internet has begun to eat is own tail, and now the end is nigh.

Oh, and you can name your Flappy Bird too. Neat!