mgawalangmagawa Junior Guild Member



Join Date: 2nd Nov, 2016 Posts: 30

Re: Summerpalooza Story Contest 2020 (Final)



Final



And the finalists are:



From Semi-final 1:



Altonicu

Allah_1

Heatdoom

Old_Wings

Elffaw

Luigi67

TheDudeFromNowhere

JustAnotherPerson1

Mr_logan

Puertan Ricos



From Semi-final 2:



Spinachguy

troubletop

Moose_Drool

Lanthir_nara

OhLook

PresumeInsanity

tallinnislit

blairclair

Dance_dance

SammieB



And the automatic finalists:



Lucelle Ball

Big_Shoe22 the Invincible

KoL Miners Daughter

Rick Tyger

thatlittlereadheadedgirl



As always, most points wins.



Poll:



A. Big_Shoe22 the Invincible



Spoiler: Phil, the four Bills, and the other Phil left to rob the Cool Ranch Burrito factory. First, Phil hypnotized some of the guards, while one of the Bills poorly seduced the others. Another Bill did what the first Bill did but was more aggressive about it. The next Bill made a chemical weapon to incapacitate the workers, while the last Bill cleaned up the mess that was made. Unfortunately they failed to get away because the other Phil couldn't help but saw their escape boat in half, and couldn't fix it in time before the fuzz came and arrested them.



B. Luigi67



Spoiler: It had been half a day since I got to this ranch, and I was already running for my life. This ranch was nothing like in the show; they never said anything about being in Dr. Phil's psychotic “game” as he calls it. He released ten of us into the woods, and told us whoever didn’t get caught got to live. Three of us already got caught, and right now he’s on my tail. I’m writing this entry, and then I am going to throw it into the street for someone to find to stop this. Please, whoever finds this---



C. Moose_Drool



Spoiler: One bright summer day

While at the big ranch he owned

Dr. Phil was sad.

His prized horse was ill,

And no one knew just quite why.

“Why not call a vet?”

They would daily ask.

That Phil wouldn’t, couldn’t do.

“I am a doctor!

“Don’t you people see?

I have fixed much worse than this!”

He cried out in vain.

He tried everything:

Talking, listening, and more

But nothing would work.

The horse grew much worse

And, eventually, it died.

He called up Oprah.

“Stick to what you know.

You’re not qualified, my dear!

Next time, call the vet.”



D. TheDudeFromNowhere



Spoiler: "It builds character," the bald man told me after he signed my ticket for that bus. But six months in, Donnie still chewed toilet brushes. Braylynn had a stash of burner phones to get her back on Insta. Martin would only answer in barks. And Louise still said she couldn't read.

Fine. If they want to go back on national TV and be laughingstocks again, let them. I shoved my shovel into the steaming heap of horse crap and threw it over my shoulder. I'll be different when I get outta here. Only a million more of these 'til then.



E. Rick Tyger



Spoiler: Hello it's Dr. Phil, here at Bubba Ho Tep's Ranch. My wife Robin and I decided to take a break from our TV show and come here to relax. We've been having a great time, enjoying nature and being around farm animals. It's great to be away from all of the stress of running a TV show. Things have been going well so far. Except for that one time when my wife Robin tried to milk a bull. Boy, was that embarrassing! The ranch owner is a little odd. He appears to be dehydrated and speaks only in ancient Egyptian...



F. blairclair



Spoiler: Dr. Phil hummed as he sat on the porch of the lazy dude ranch. He was a bit of a paranoid man the good doctor. Too many former patients had figured out what he had been up to. He figured he'd be safe at the lazy dude ranch though. The people there were too lazy to be a threat to him and he could finally rest and continue his experiments on the children of the ranch. Surely the parents would be too lazy to notice. He continued to hum right until the tequila grenade hit him. Dr. Phil was wrong.



G. KoL Miners Daughter



Spoiler: Kickin' at the ranch with Dr. Phil

Thinking summer will be a thrill!

He's psychoanalyzing six feet away

(Having to remind him where to stay).

He diagnosed all the issues

(not even offering tissues)

he thinks I must be feelin', ya,

like catagelophobia and alopeciaphilia.

I was staring at the sun hitting his head

(much better then listening to what was said)

I had come to shoot and camp!

Not be a psychological experiment!

Because matters can only be worse,

I will explain with this last verse:

worst bit of this, I'm confessin'

they only had Italian, no ranch dressin'.



H. SammieB



Spoiler: Dr. Phil beamed as he overlooked his never-ending pastures. Horses grazing, teenagers wrangling and happy campers all around. Elated that he spent his life helping troubled people become functioning members of society, he grinned. "This ranch is beautiful, Phil," a voice next to him softly spoke. "You did such a good job," another whispered.

*CRRZKT* An overhead speaker crackled.

"Escalante Psychiatric Ward, residing nurse of Dr. Phil, speaking—Phil. We are coming to your room now. You haven't taken your pills in two days. Be down soon." The window overlooking the ranch went black. Phil's joy stopped. The voices didn't.



I. Elffaw



Spoiler: You wake up laying on top of a haystack with no recollection of how you got there. Upon reviewing your surroundings, it seems that you are located in a barn, and that you are not alone here. There is a silhouette slowly approaching you. It stops just a few steps away from you and says in a raspy, old voice:

" Boy, you're here because you've been very naughty lately and need to learn discipline... Let me show you how naughty *I* can be now... "

*the barn gates slowly close as the old man, descends upon the boy in the haystack*





J. troubletop



Spoiler: Doctor Fill stared at the ranch and as beautiful as it was he couldn't help but think he'd gotten in over his eager head.

Could he really handle all of this on his own, should he have gotten help after all?

He had been so sure, but pride is a fickle thing that is eager to lift oneself up, but nowhere to be found when you fall from a great height.

He lifted the sack full of potato chips and fresh vegetables, the first course of what would be hundreds.

He would beat this if it took him all Summer.



K. Puertan Ricos



Spoiler: Dr. Phil was on a ranch outside Philly for the summer. Everyday, he milked his phil of cows. Afterwards, he ate breakfast, eating his phil of every delectable item on the table. Sometimes, he would walk to a liquor store in the suburbs of Philly, and phil his phial of whiskey to the brim. Then, the next morning, he would have Irish coffee, and phil his coffee cup with a couple shots of whiskey from his phial. Life was good and philled with plenty of activity! When he had his phil of ranching, it would be back to work, however.



L. Spinachguy



Spoiler: His hot tea steeping by the fireplace, Dr. Phil pondered the intricacies of the oil painting gifted to him by a mysterious donor of antiquities old. During these summer months he needed more things to do than just sit inside, so the change of decor was a welcome one even if it was rather surreal to behold.

It was of a blue sunlit sky with clouds colored red, of a rolling grassy field, and a large cyan bed.

His chickens outside opened the door:

"We're hungry! We need something more!"

He put on his jacket, his tea had grown cold.



M. JustAnotherPerson1



Spoiler: Dr. Phil liked to believe he was entitled, no, determined, to have a vacation on his ranch. But sprawled on the couch and watching television, there was really little he could be entitled to, his fame from malpractice; his character merely offenses lathered in thinning gold. Nowadays, he could only flee the insanities of his career. Originally, it appeared an ingenious concept. Therapy with public humiliation; what could go wrong? But now, there was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. Explosions sounded in the distance, and flames surrounded the ranch house. Dr. Phil turned the television volume a little higher.



N. Mr_logan



Spoiler: Leaning forward, rocking back, with stinging sand upon his neck

Hand upon a bindlestick, and tied to it a bindlesack

At the wretched ranch's gate, steely eyed with toothed grin

Muttered low, "The doctor's in", Phil McGraw is never late

Forty hands and twenty guns, glinting in the summer sun

Sideways eyes at every angle, flints aligned upon the stranger

All their planning and patience, lying in wait for days,

all was for naught. Without thought, the men fell down,

from their posts into the town, lying in eternal rest

The doctor orders swiftest death: "Awareness without action is worthless."



O. OhLook



Spoiler: Dr. Phil, notorious phor his obsession with orthographical conquest and the phierce, phiery rage of his soul, had once again been provoked. His pheatures contorted into an expression phull of demented phrenzy, and the phorceful pheeling of phury overtook his phibrous muscles. Losing control, Phil unleashed a phleeting, but disastrous rampage upon his ranch. He smashed phive large holes in the wall and broke his antique phishing rod. Ashamed, Phil phinished his rampage. He was able to phill the holes, and, using his phaithful PhlexTape™, tried to phix his phishing rod. Unfortunately, not even his world-phamous tape could repair it.



P. Old_Wings



Spoiler: Sun beating down. Sweat dripping. Feet aching, blistered. The load on my back heavier every minute. A loose rock in the dry scrub, and I stumble. His voice: "Come on now". Metal spurs press into my side, but I can't move. Not another step. A sigh of affected exasperation from behind that moustache hovering inches above my head. His weight shifts on my back. "You think you're done? My ranch. My rules. Get moving". The spurs again. Blood. Muscles screaming, I put one foot in front of the other. Press on. What else can I do? It's the doctor's orders.



Q. Altonicu



Spoiler: Dr. Phil was on his ranch during the summer months with his kids. One of them, Jimmy was his name, said to Phil “What does ersatz mean, father?” To which Dr. Phil replied in prose:

“Ersatz, Ersatz, I know not the word.

Ersatz, Ersatz, it seems I must’ve misheard.

For to me it seems unlikely,

That there is so slightly,

So slightly a chance that I know that word,

That it is, to put it lightly, absurd

That you think I would ever know that thing!”

To which the boy replied,

“Ouch, burn, and zing,”

In quite a fashion snide.



R. Heatdoom



Spoiler: "Looking out from his ranch, Doctor Phil saw the ground littered with his inferiors.

He saw Doctor Strange, no amount of magic helping him stand up to his might.

He saw Doctor Tony Tony Chopper, the reindeer hybrids devil fruit useless against his ferocity.

He saw Doctor Xavier, rendered catatonic for having the hubris of attempting to fight against his mind.

He saw them and many more, all who thought they were fit to claim the worthy title of doctor.

"Well no more" said Doctor Phil, "This summer only the true doctor remains... only I remain."

And Doctor Phil laughed."



S. Dance_dance



Spoiler: We gather to celebrate a man who comes on television and has carved a place for himself in the lives of all Americans. He'll stand up here, in the midst of a pandemic, and give us our daily dose. Tune in and watch as he dispenses his words of wisdom and makes it clear how very deeply he believes in his own legend. His daily hour is filled by a variety of medical topics, such as procedural advice (which he is not qualified to didpense) and information about miracle cures (often not FDA-approved) With no further ado, here's Dr. Phil.



T. PresumeInsanity



Spoiler: Having been raised in Texas, Dr. Phil was no stranger to old ranches. In some ways, this ranch did look familiar. However, Phil admitted, it was in many ways rather... different. Unkempt and overgrown, it seemed to be mocking him. He already visited the stables crammed with obsessive-compulsive horses, the fields of cows who believed they were dogs, and now, on the porch, a rat somersaulted past him in mania. He thought the locals had mistaken him for a handyman when they requested his help, but he was wrong. Worse, they had developed the impression that he could cure animals.



U. Allah_1



Spoiler: Having managed this ranch for decades, I have observed that the most curious specimens of tourist arrive in the summertime—be they "influencers" or idiots, clairvoyants or criminals, mimes or men who believe they can fish on land. This year, the ranch is host to a fine collection of creatures, one being the notable Dr. Phil. He seems mildly irritable and spends his time grumbling about the various personas he has encountered on his show. From what he has described, I can say that even my ranch has not seen the likes he has, and I pray it never will.



V. Lucelle Ball



Spoiler: It was supposed to just be another day for Lihp RD; Rustler of Dromedaries for those who don't speak initialisms. However a dyslexic with kamilaphobia who thought they were going to an aerodrome to meet their spouse decided to call upon Lihp for help thinking he was the famous Dr Phil. So Lihp did the only thing he knew how to do to get rid of any problem. He spat at her until she fled from his ranch realizing that this was most certainly not the aerodrome. Lihp thinks to himself what a great problem solver and guy he is.



W. tallinnislit



Spoiler: Sitting in his rocking chair, the doctor stretched his legs, feet clad in cowboy boots, hat tipped down to cover his face from the sun. It was nice to be home on the ranch in such troubling times. He thankfully had had that murderous swimming pool filled in. Can you imagine, he thought to himself, how many red-blooded Americans could die every year if swimming pool ownership were contagious? The lowing of the cows interrupted his thoughts. Something had caused them to become talkative. Phil stood, scanning the horizon. Protesters? What were they doing here? What fool set them free?



X. Lanthir_nara



Spoiler: It had sounded like a romantic getaway. "A Summer at the Ranch," the brochure had promised, "horses, sweet tea, and sunsets!" But no one had mentioned that the Ranch was haunted, a ghost town, a shadow of its former self. And that you couldn't leave. The specter of that TV quack always showed up if you tried, mustache frowning with disappointment. He never said anything, but grew more solid the closer you got. So you had to stay, shoveling immaterial horse crap that still stank, pumping rusty water from the well, and wondering how long your fingers had been transparent.



Y. thatlittlereadheadedgirl



Spoiler: My sins have betrayed me. My cold, dark cell confines me. The horses terrify me; soon I will have to ride them. Endless tables, endless cleaning. One time; I only smoked that blasted plant one time and yet it is what has sent me to this hell. My parents have no right to send me here and yet here I am. No phones. No communication with the ones I love. The air-conditioning has no effect on the heat that seeps through the cracks in the building. When I escape, He will be mine. The End Of Dr. Phil Is Coming. Finally, after a good while, we're now at theAnd the finalists are:From Semi-final 1:AltonicuAllah_1HeatdoomOld_WingsElffawLuigi67TheDudeFromNowhereJustAnotherPerson1Mr_loganPuertan RicosFrom Semi-final 2:SpinachguytroubletopMoose_DroolLanthir_naraOhLookPresumeInsanitytallinnislitblairclairDance_danceSammieBAnd the automatic finalists:Lucelle BallBig_Shoe22 the InvincibleKoL Miners DaughterRick TygerthatlittlereadheadedgirlAs always, most points wins.Poll: https://forms.gle/MWc9xmS2WAwodVtS6 A. Big_Shoe22 the InvincibleB. Luigi67C. Moose_DroolD. TheDudeFromNowhereE. Rick TygerF. blairclairG. KoL Miners DaughterH. SammieBI. ElffawJ. troubletopK. Puertan RicosL. SpinachguyM. JustAnotherPerson1N. Mr_loganO. OhLookP. Old_WingsQ. AltonicuR. HeatdoomS. Dance_danceT. PresumeInsanityU. Allah_1V. Lucelle BallW. tallinnislitX. Lanthir_naraY. thatlittlereadheadedgirl Last edited by mgawalangmagawa; Fri, May 29th, 2020 at 12:33 PM .