In preparation for The Rise of Skywalker, Disney has partnered with MasterClass to produce a 6-week online course on how to be a good fan of the Star Wars saga.

“We felt this was the right time and place to roll this out. This was a project that Georgie [sic] always had floating around, but was never realized. We feel that this will help guide fans on how to be safe, civil, and incredibly malleable to our good will.” -Bob Iger, CEO of the Walt Disney Company

The shock device to be employed in Disney’s MasterClass is made to emulate the one used on Han by Darth Vader!

Star Wars fans have been criticized online by the likes of Pablo Hidalgo and others for being too inflammatory in their dislike of some of the newer Disney/Lucasfilm offerings. The purpose of this course is to ameliorate the tension behind fans’ expectations, original ideas, and hopes and the actual property that is created. This educational course will give fans the tools they need to enjoy the Star Wars saga free of hatred or dislike.

Iger went on to describe how the course works. “Included in your purchase, is an EEG meter and electro-shock therapy device. You hook the sensors up to your skull whenever you are thinking, talking, or tweeting about Star Wars. Whenever negative or critical thoughts come into your head, the device will release a short 10,000-volt shock to give you feedback so you know you are doing the wrong thing. Over time, this helps to educate you into conformity with the attitudes of positive, healthy, loving Star Wars fans.”

Enjoy Star Wars. Do not resist.

FakingStarWars interviewed a student who took part in the pilot program.

“Well, I decided to rewatch Phantom Menace recently, and when I was watching the part where Anakin describes building 3PO, I had all these noxious horrible thoughts I couldn’t control, like ‘How did Owen not remember owning a gold protocol droid a few decades prior when he bought him in A New Hope? This is some recon bantha doodoo’. But after thinking this, I got a major shock, it was super painful!, and now I don’t ever have these kinds of thoughts. It’s great! I’m happier for it!” –Anonymous student

The new online course will also be available to Disney+ subscribers, and in the case of some notoriously uneducated and negative fans, it will be obligatory. Disney is also partnering with Apple to work a version into the new 5th gen apple watch, so that users can be trained and shocked continually 24 hours a day in hopes that their education process is faster and more efficient prior to the release of Rise of Skywalker.

As always, stay tuned to FakingStarWars.net for all the finest Star Wars comedy, parody, and satire in the galaxy. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook and subscribe to our podcast on iTunes or Google Play for even more unbelievable news from a galaxy far, far away. Also, consider supporting us on Patreon… for as little as a buck a month, you can help us fake harder, better, faster, stronger.

-Storm Duper

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