It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s look at some new releases!

Red Velvet – Zimzalabim

It starts as part f(x) “Electric Shock“, then it goes into a section which is part SNSD “I Got A Boy” combined with the usual Red Velvet thing, and then there’s that chorus which just isn’t anything really. There actually are a few good scattered isolated moments but if there was a way to make this combination work, SM didn’t find it.

TXT – Nap Of A Star

Sounds like some rock thing with a slow intro that is supposed to turn into a great song but in this case the slow intro doesn’t actually go anywhere and just repeats over and over. Even Cocteau Twins would out-rock this because at least they’d add a few more guitar layers. More like “nap of a listener”.

Stray Kids – Side Effects

The new Stray Kids song is half the usual crooning over Fender Rhodes and half Eisenfunk or whatever, it’s a high-contrast combination that really works because just when you’re getting sick of one thing it changes.

Monsta X ft. French Montana – Who Do U Love?

Could do without this extra loser in there doing his rap thing, but it’s alright I guess.

Jea ft. Cheetah – Dear.Rude

Jea being boring and Cheetah completely wasted on a garbage song, as usual.

SF9 – RPM

SF9 are worthy contenders to BTS in my opinion, they both have the same energy (i.e they’re both boy groups) and a whole bunch of songs that are really neither good nor bad.

N.Tic – Fiction

It’s a shame that this sucks because N.Tic have had really good songs before.

Leo – Romanticism

With a song title like that, you know you’re not really in for anything much.

Yesung – Pink Magic

A fantastic backing track ruined by having Yesung do a whole lot of nothing over the top.

Zelo – Questions

I don’t have any questions, and there are no answers here either, so let’s just move on.

N.Flying – Songbird

It’s not a very good song but at least it rocks a little.

Saturday – Gwiyomi Song

This is some song that everybody does and there’s a million versions of it, but I don’t really know what it means or why I should care about anybody else besides Saturday doing it.

Kim Sawol – Bloody Wolf

Like a low-budget remake of Puer Kim’s “Manyo Maash“, but what it lacks for in production values and cleavage, it makes up for on the musical front.

Dakyung Jung – Love Light

This is really cool and I can’t find any audio for it anywhere, or an official video either, which is a bummer because I really want to annoy radio listeners with this one.

Car, The Garden – Memorize Our Night

Another boring ballad.

Bizzy – BzB

Oh dear.

608 – The Fog

Epic overblown ballad time. Imagine being the girl in this and being told to run through the field randomly for no reason and “don’t worry, we’ll edit it all to make sense later”. She must feel like Stellar did when their agency got them into lingerie for “test shots”.

Min Chae – The Day When Nothing Happened

Gosh, I guess today might be that day.

Chai FT. pH-1 – Give And Take

They give us a crap song and take away our time.

015B & Jang Jane – Camellia Flower

Holy shit, this is some late 60s style guitar pop worthy of a Tarantino soundtrack. Definitely wasn’t expecting this out of Jane Jang of all people. Clearly the drugs are working.

Yusu – Hold Me Tight

Here’s one for all you jazzfags. I know there’s a few of you out there, have fun watching this one.

Can SM Station suck more of a dick

Really, this is terrible. What are you doing. Is this shit really the best my favourite faceless soulless corporations with infinite wealth and technology at their disposal can come up with.

RANDOM BONUS VIDEO OF THE WEEK

How To Become A K-pop Idol: Life As A Foreign Trainee

This video is pretty legit, but doesn’t even cover the worst bit – if you do actually succeed you’ll just end up in D.Holic or Kiwi Band M. I mean sure, they might have a good song or two between them, but you wouldn’t actually want to be in those groups. The path of the k-pop nugu is not for the faint-hearted. Trust me.

That’s all for this week – Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!