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And that’s why I’m here. I’m not here to talk: I’m here to listen.

“That’s great Prime Minister, because I’m really worried that” —

To listen, and most importantly, to learn. I want to know what’s on your mind, the issues that concern you, in a way I couldn’t discover from one of the many polls and focus groups we conduct every day. So let’s hear from you. Does anyone have any questions they’d like to ask? You sir, yes?

“Er, no, I was just trying to order an orange cruller, actually.”

I want to thank you for that question, and for your courage in asking it. I think in many ways the question you’re asking is the question a lot of people are asking these days: can I get an orange cruller? Now, some parties think only the top one per cent should get orange crullers. And some other parties think the government should just give everyone an orange cruller. But we in this government reject both those extremes. We say that everyone should have an orange cruller, so long as they donate to the Liberal party. Which reminds me, could everyone remember to leave their email addresses with my assistant?

Yes ma’am?

“Prime Minister, I am at wit’s end. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. I was just barely getting by as it was, what with the cost of electricity having tripled and all, but now you’re going to add a carbon tax on top? I’ll be eating catfood before long. I don’t know when things have ever looked this bleak.”

What I hear you saying is that for you, better is always possible. And let me reassure you, this is entirely out of our hands. I mean, this is a problem for the provinces to deal with, not us. It’s not like we can just tell the provinces what to do, beyond telling them to tax carbon. Take it up with them. By the way, did I mention I’m a feminist?