Name: #HastobeHunt.

Age: A couple of weeks.

Appearance: Increasingly desperate.

I know the feeling. Yes, but you’re not trying to become prime minister.

There are still a few of us left. This is Jeremy Hunt’s campaign for the Tory leadership, I take it? That’s right.

Isn’t it all a waste of time? I thought Boris Johnson had it sewn up? Not quite. There’s still a race to be the #NeverBoris candidate in the vote among party members. Last week, Hunt was winning that race. Now, not so much.

What happened? There was a TV debate on Sunday, in which Hunt was not inspiring. He’s now dropped behind Rory Stewart in the betting odds.

Oh dear. He needs to do something drastic. Mission accomplished, I’d say. After the debate, he tweeted an image of himself with the words: “Every older person should die with dignity and respect. We should be the party, who sorts it out.”

Crikey. At what age would someone qualify as an “older person”? I don’t know, but if Hunt wins, every one of them must die. He’ll make sure the Conservatives deliver.

It’s a bold vision. And I suppose it would substantially reduce the country’s spending on healthcare and pensions and remove a lot of Brexit party voters from the electorate. Still, I did expect a slower descent into our murderous dystopia. He didn’t mean it, knucklehead! This isn’t a plan to exterminate the elderly. It’s a badly written promise to make sure that, when they do die, it’s dignified.

I see. More like a phased-in, compassionate senicide. He doesn’t actually want to kill anyone, OK?

Are you sure? It might help us make sense of his behaviour as health secretary. Honestly, he doesn’t. Just a few days ago, he tweeted another meme saying: “If we are going to unite the country, we have to show we are serious about uniting the generations.”

Wiping out your enemies is what “uniting” usually means. Be that as it may, gaffes such as this are not going to help the #HastobeHunt campaign, which is aiming to sound competent and grown-up.

It can’t help that people keep calling him … you know, the word that rhymes with his name. That was James Naughtie, years ago, by accident.

Then Andrew Marr by accident, then Justin Webb by accident and, last week, Victoria Derbyshire, by accident. Exactly. Lots of accidents. “I’m used to it,” Hunt said last week. “I had this when I was at school. Personally, I think people should just grow up and get over the fact that my last name rhymes with a rather unpleasant word.”

Maybe that’s why Matt Hancock dropped out? Maybe!

Do say: “That tweet is barbaric.”

Don’t say: “Just think what it would do to house prices!”