Elon Musk Scolds Wall Street: “I’m Magic and Can Do Whatever I Want”

May 03, 2018

by Elon Musk, magician

Did you forget? I’m magic. You’re living in the 3D world. Don’t you want to experience higher dimensions?

Your boring bonehead questions are not cool. Your questions are so dry. They’re killing me. They’re killing you actually, slowly, taking you outside of dazzle and into robotic financial attachments.

Do you really want to know about what percentage of Model 3 reservation holders who have been invited to start configuring their orders have actually done so?

Don’t you know money is just a game? This is all just a game. Let me play. Let me play with your money in peace.

You in the back. Yes you. Thank you for asking me about the flying solar powered unicorn that can replace cars, go to space, and burrow underground. Good question. Yes I am working on it now personally. I flew to this very conference call riding upon its back just now actually. Her name is Sally Sparkles.

What did you say, Wall Street analyst? No! The unicorn will not cannibalize Tesla sales! Or Boring Company sales! Or SpaceX sales! Unicorns and Teslas and wormholes both up and down can all coexist. What’s wrong with you people?

There is a subtle reality and a gross reality. Get with it already. Or do you want more of Trump? Do you want more of clicking on things and refreshing pages until you die? All I see are people suffering in old technologies. Come to the new framework already.

Poof!

And then he disappeared in a puff of rainbow sparkles. When the glitter cleared all that remained was a white rabbit hopping on top of the conference table.