TWS Editor’s Note: On 12 July 1973, humorist Art Buchwald penned a semi-satirical list of discussion points for defenders of then-embattled President Richard Nixon that ran in papers nationwide. TWS recently came across it (thanks, Slow Burn) and noticed a few eerie similarities, so we made an updated version for Fox News, MAGA Twitter, and congressional Republicans.

WASHINGTON – These are difficult times for people who are defending the Nixon Trump Administration. No matter where they go, they are attacked by pseudo-liberals Democrats, McGovern lovers the DSA, heterosexual constitutionalists #NeverTrumpers, and paranoid John Dean believers #Resistance Twitter.

As a public service, I am printing instant responses for loyal Nixonites the #TrumpTrain when they are attacked at a party. Please cut it out screenshot it and carry it in your pocket save it to your unsecured iPhone.

1. Everyone does it. (President Trump: “This was a meeting to get information on an opponent, totally legal and done all the time in politics.”)



2. What about Chappaquiddick Fusion GPS? (Marc Thiessen: “The Clinton campaign proactively sought dirt on Trump from Russian government sources.”)



3. A President can’t keep track of everything his staff does. (Sen. Orrin Hatch: “The president should not be held responsible for the actions of the people he’s trusted.”)



4. The press is blowing the whole thing up. (Sarah Sanders: “You guys seem completely obsessed with this, while there are a lot of other things happening around the country and frankly a lot of other things that people care a lot more about.”



5. Whatever Nixon Trump did was for national security. (President Trump: “The Fake News Media wants so badly to see a major confrontation with Russia…They are pushing so recklessly hard and hate the fact that I’ll probably have a good relationship with Putin.”)



6. The Democrats are sore because they lost the election. (President Trump: Russia was an excuse used by the Democrats when they lost the election…It wasn’t Russia, it was a bad candidate. It was a candidate that didn’t go to Wisconsin and Michigan like they should have.”)



7. Are you going to believe a rat like John Dean Michael Cohen or the President of the United States? (Rudy Giuliani: “Cohen’s been lying all week—he’s been lying for years…If his back is up against the wall, he’ll lie like crazy. He’s lied all his life.”)



8. Wait till all the facts come out. (Speaker Paul Ryan: “I think he should be free to do his job, but I would like to see it get wrapped up of course.”)



9. What about Chappaquiddick Fusion GPS? (Rep. Mark Meadows: “The fact that the Clinton campaign and the DNC paid intelligence officials in Russia for salacious and false information on President Trump is suspicious enough. But we’re also beginning to see evidence that raises questions about whether the Obama Justice Department may have inappropriately involved themselves in this project both before and after the 2016 Presidential campaign.”)



10. If you impeach Nixon Trump, you get Agnew Pence. (Omarosa Manigault-Newman: “As bad as y’all think Trump is, you would be worried about Pence. We would be begging for the days of Trump back if Pence became President.”)



11. The only thing wrong with Watergate talking to Russians is they got caught. (Jay Sekulow: “The question is how would it be illegal? You have to look at what laws, rules, statutes were really broken here.”)



12. What about Daniel Ellsberg stealing the Pentagon Papers Uranium One? (Rep. Louie Gohmert: this insane chart)

13. It happens in Europe from China all the time. (President Trump: “We found that China has been attempting to interfere in our upcoming 2018 election coming up in November against my administration.”)



14. People would be against Nixon Trump no matter what he did. (Sen. Rand Paul: “Any country that can spy does, and any country that can meddle in foreign elections does…it’s all about partisan politics now. This is truly the Trump derangement syndrome that motivates all of this.”)



15. I’d rather have a crook fool in the White House than a fool crook. (The entirety of the Flight 93 essay by Michael Anton, who went on to serve on President Trump’s NSC.)



16. LBJ President Obama used to read about this before the election FBI reports every night. President Trump: “Just out: The Obama Administration knew far in advance of November 8th about election meddling by Russia. Did nothing about it. WHY?”)

17. What’s the big deal about finding out what your opposition is up to? (Rudy Giuliani: “Any meeting in regards to getting information about your opponent is something any candidate’s staff would take.”)



18. The President was too busy running the country and everyone else didn’t even know what was going on. (Jared Kushner: “They thought we colluded, but we couldn’t even collude with our local offices.”)



19. What about Chappaquiddick Fusion GPS? (Mark Steyn: “Everyone is colluding with Russia except Trump. You’ve got the Podesta Group, you’ve got the Hillary campaign, you’ve got the DNC, you’ve got the FBI, you’ve got Christopher Steele.”)



20. People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. (Sen. Lindsey Graham: “What I can’t get over is how much more has to be uncovered at the Department of Justice regarding a political agenda…This screams for a special counsel.”)



21. McGovern Clinton would have lost anyway. (Sen. Lindsey Graham: “Russia didn’t beat Clinton. Trump beat Clinton.”)



22. Maybe the Committee for the Re-Election of the President Don Jr. and Jared Kushner went a little too far, but they were just a bunch of eager kids. (President Trump: “[Don Jr.]’s a good boy. He’s a good kid. And he had a meeting. Nothing happened.”)



23. I’m not for breaking the law, but sometimes you have to do it to save the country. (Entire hacky conservative books have been written about this, but forgive us if we don’t link to their Amazon pages.)



24. Nixon Trump made a mistake. He’s only human. (Speaker Paul Ryan: “The President’s new at this. He’s new to government. So, he probably wasn’t steeped in the long-running protocols that establish the relationships between DOJ, FBI and White Houses. He’s just new to this.”)



25. Do you realize what Watergate this president is doing to the dollar abroad for our economy at home? (Speaker Paul Ryan: “Look, the tax cuts are working.”)



26. What about Harry Truman Peter Strzok and the deep freeze scandal his text messages? (President Trump: “Take a look at the horrible statements that Peter Strzok, the chief investigator, said.”

27. Franklin D. Roosevelt John Podesta did a lot worse things. (President Trump: “Nobody asks John Podesta about the company that he has with his brother in Russia.”

28. I’m sick and tired of hearing about Watergate Russia and so is everybody else. (Sarah Sanders: “The American people are sick and tired of being inundated with Russia Fever.”)



29. This thing should be tried in the courts and not on television . (Actually, this one doesn’t apply—these guys love litigating this stuff live on television.)

30. When Nixon gives his explanation of what happened Mueller comes up with nothing there are going to be a lot of people in this country with egg on their faces. (Rudy Giuliani: “I can guarantee you this: When Mueller is finished, no matter whatever he does, he’s not going to have a stitch of evidence that [Trump] colluded with the Russians.”)

31. My country right or wrong. (President Trump: “I’m totally allowed to be involved [in Special Counsel Mueller’s investigation] if I wanted to be. So far, I haven’t chosen to be involved.”)



32. What about Chappaquiddick Fusion GPS? (Rep. Devin Nunes: “You have a campaign who hired a law firm who hired Fusion GPS who hired a foreign agent who went and got information from the Russians on the other campaign. It seems like the counterintelligence investigation should have been opened up against the Hillary campaign when they got a hold of the dossier.”)



33. I think the people who make all this fuss about Watergate #Resistance should be shot. (President Trump: “You don’t hand matches to an arsonist, and you don’t give power to an angry left-wing mob. Democrats have become too EXTREME and TOO DANGEROUS to govern.”



34. If the Democrats had the money , they would have done did the same thing. (President Trump: “[The special counsel’s investigation] was based on fraudulent activities and a Fake Dossier paid for by Crooked Hillary and the DNC.”)



35. I never trusted Haldeman and Ehrlichma n Rosenstein and Mueller to start with. (Roger Stone: “I’d fire Mueller and Rosenstein for wasting the taxpayers’ money.”)

36. If you say one more word about Watergate Russia, I’ll punch you in the nose.