50 States of McMansion Hell: New Orleans, Louisiana

Hello Friends! I hope you like Cajun spicy, because boy this house is…not that.

I’m going to refer to making jokes about a certain fast food chain or a certain holiday that celebrates the coming of Lent because I like to challenge myself comedically and not resort to place-based stereotypes because I’m from North Carolina and it hurts.

This classic and totally vernacular 2004 house boasts 4 bedrooms, 4.5 baths, of which only 2 are shown in the real estate listing much to my dismay. It can be yours for just over $1 million USD - about how much it’s gonna cost for the pringles can power bill.

Lawyer Foyer

“Harry Potter should just pull himself up by his bootstraps so he can have an under the stairway bit that looks like this instead of being a whiny brat.”

I mean, Harry is whiny though.

ALSO I HOPE YOU LIKE LOOKING AT THESE PEOPLE’S KIDS BECAUSE BOY HOWDY

Dining Room

Gosh, mentioning Prince AND Farrah Fawcett in one picture - how old am I again??? Also I am astonished at the level of coordination in this room. I wish my life were this together.

Great Room

Am I the only one who loves when the TV is bigger than the fireplace?I read it as entertainment > warmth.

Kitchen

aww yiss:

Not to be confused with crookery, which also happened in the 70s.

Office

To be fair, when mom’s job is selling It Works!™ products to her friends and dad is an executive at the golf course factory, the desk size disparity is fair.

Master Bed

did i mention the kids yet?

Master Bath

Man, I hope the 2 people who yell at me for making Donald Trump jokes know that his apartment literally looks like this.

Literally the only other bedroom pictured in this house

“Romeo, Romeo please get me the hell out of here mom wants to get our portraits taken for literally the second time this month I don’t know if I can do this anymore no matter where I go I am surrounded by infinite permutations of my own face oh god.”



Den

The tiny overstuffed chairs just goes way too far for me and also it’s not like those kids can put their feet on the ottoman they are just too short.

Finally, and because of a lack of pictures taken by the realtor, our journey is cut all too short:

Rear Exterior

That water slide just got dark.

Anyways, that’s it for Louisiana. I’ll be in Cleveland on Sunday making acoustical measurements so if anyone wants to say hi hmu on Twitter or email or something. Join me next Wednesday for ACTUALLY KENTUCKY HOLY CRAP I SCREWED UP AND JUST REALIZED IT AT THE END OF THIS POST WOW. Anyway, have a great week!