Think of a scene from one of those movies where a guy owes a lot of money to a bookie or the mob. He borrowed money at some point and then lost it, and now he's just trying to avoid the mob. Then one day he's out somewhere having fun and then, oh no, a representative of the mob catches up with him! He sees a thug wearing a suit and adjusting his pinky ring in a way that says "I'm very menacing indeed. And you owe me." And then our guy who borrowed the money is like "Oh fuck, that's right, I was having such a great day until I remembered that I don't have that money anymore and I have no clear way to get it back and I can't involve anyone else and I'm completely on my own with no way out oh God oh no!"

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That's what being awkward is, except the thug with the pinky ring is your brain, and it shows up all the time. I was walking down the street the other day in a rare window of feeling not uncomfortable, and then my brain showed up out of nowhere with a pinky ring and whispered, "You're clearly having a good time and I don't want to get in the way of that, but I just thought I'd point out that the way you walk is super weird and everyone knows it. Like you've been walking wrong your whole life. Again, don't even think about it. Don't think about your hands. Don't think about how strange the position of your hands is. Don't sweat -- if you think about sweat, you'll sweat, don't sweat. Hey look, there's a pretty girl over there. When you smile your cheeks get dumb looking and you have a wink that is off-putting to everyone who knows you so don't wink or think about your wink or try to wink or do anything with your face in the direction of this pretty girl at all. Anyway, don't think about it, but it's true. Have fun!"