Trump Moves Harriet Tubman to 0.20 Bitcoin

Apr 25, 2018

The Trump administration averted a major scandal today.



Despite a 2016 announcement that legendary Underground Railroad conductor, Harriet Tubman, would be the new face of the $20 bill, the Trump administration has delayed the rollout of the new bills. This leaves Andrew Jackson on the bill for the considerable future.

Women and African-American groups are calling foul. But that’s when Trump made good on it all.

“What are these cryptodollars everyone is talking about?” said Trump. “Let’s put her on one of these.”

When bitcoin founder Satoshi Nakamoto reminded Trump that “Bitcoins have no currency denominations like a 5, 10, or 20. They are just integer numbers, you know, decimal-based mathematics,” Trump responded “I don’t care how she gets on the 20 bitcoin. Just get her on the 20! Sad!”

So Trump’s inner circle hesitatingly followed his request. Jared Kushner and Kellyanne Conway stayed up all night in their bedrooms drafting mockups of Harriet Tubman. They even brought out the big 128 color crayon set.

Come morning, Trump tweeted that Tubman in now on the 20 bitcoin.

But he quickly deleted the tweet when users told him how much 20 bitcoins were worth. He quickly changed the denomination to 0.20. Crisis averted.

For additional coverage on cryptocurrency, see our award winning report on the new "David Bowie" bitcoin.