The following is an article from Uncle John's Supremely Satisfying Bathroom Reader There's nothing funny about Hitler, but he is endlessly fascinating. Since Congress passed the Nazi War Crimes Disclosure Act in 1998, almost 3 million classified files have been opened to the public - including a 1942 secret profile of Adolf Hitler compiled by the OSS. Here are some excerpts. PERSONAL APPEARANCE • Hitler never allows anyone to see him while he is naked or bathing. He refuses to use cologne or scents of any sort on his body • No matter how warm he feels, Hitler will never take off his coat in public • In 1923, Nazi press secretary Dr. Sedgwick tried to convince Hitler to get rid of his trademark mustache or grow it normally. Hitler answered: "Do not worry about my mustache. If it is not the fashion now, it will be later because I wear it!" SOCIAL BEHAVIOR • While dining with the others, Hitler will allow the conversation to linger on general topics, but after a couple of hours he will inevitably begin one of his many monologues. These speeches are flawless from start to finish because he rehearses them any time he gets a moment. • His favorite topics include: "When I was a soldier," "When I was in Vienna," "When I was in prison," and "When I was the leader in the early days of the party." • If Hitler begins speaking about Wagner and the opera, no one dares interrupt him. He will often sermonize on this topic until his audience falls asleep. PERSONAL HABITS • Hitler has no interest in sports or games of any kind and never exercised, except for an occasional walk. • He paces frequently inside rooms, always to the same tune that he whistles to himself and always diagonally across the room, from corner to corner • Hitler's handwriting is impeccable. When famous psychologist Carl Jung saw Hitler's handwriting in 1937, he remarked: "Behind this handwriting I recognize the typical characteristics of a man with essentially feminine instinct." ENTERTAINMENT • Hitler loves the circus. He takes real pleasure in the idea that underpaid performers are risking their lives to please him. • He went to the circus on several occasions in 1933 and sent extremely expensive chocolates and flowers to the female performers. Hitler even remembered their names and would worry about them and their families in the event of an accident. • He isn't interested in wild animal acts, unless there is a woman in danger • Nearly every night Hitler will see a movie in his private theatre, mainly foreign films that are banned to the German public. He loves comedies and will often laugh merrily at Jewish comedians. Hitler even liked a few Jewish singers, but after hearing them he would remark that it was too bad he or she wasn't Aryan. • Hitler staff secretly made films for him of torture and execution of political prisoners, which he very much enjoyed viewing. His executive assistants also secured pornographic pictures and movies for him. • He loves newsreels - especially when he is in them. • He adores gypsy music, Wagner's operas, and especially American college football marches and alma maters. • To excite the masses, he also uses American College football-style music during his speeches. His rallying cry - "Sieg Heil!" - was even modeled after the cheering techniques used by American football cheerleaders.