In many ways, the church has failed the LGBTQ community. We saw the latest example of this as the Methodist church remained divided over issues related to LGBTQ inclusion and corresponding discussion about same-sex marriage. Confusion and vitriol remain high, and God calls his people to bring clarity and compassion in times like these.

Historically, the church has done a poor job of engaging in this conversation. It either speaks with hypocritical judgment and condemnation, or with a perverted view of compassion by embracing behavior that compromises human flourishing. Often, kindness and truth are abandoned, and civil discourse happens only after we taste the disastrous results of talking at one another instead of humbly listening to one another.

As has been said, the double trouble of the fool is always an open mouth and a closed mind.

While there are many I could list, here are four things I believe the church gets wrong about the LGBTQ conversation:

1. Making LGBTQ behavior separate and more significant than other sins.

Simply put, God does not put a hierarchy on sin. God looks on heterosexual immorality, materialism, gossip, drunkenness, pride or the idolatry of work with just as much sadness as He does same-sex sexual activity. (Note: I did not say same-sex attraction or temptation.)

I believe God intends for his church to be salt and light. This means the church must, among other things, work to prevent societal and moral decay. It must be a beacon of truth and grace amid the darkening of conscience that occurs when we drift away from God's plan for his people.

However, the church cannot fall into the trap of highlighting particular sins to the exclusion of others. If your church is willing to denounce LGBTQ behavior, but says nothing of "no-fault divorce," racism or greed, then your church is failing to communicate God's truth to the world. We cannot pick and choose which of God's commandments to care about. "Churches" like Westboro Baptist are destructive to the cause of Christ and should be admonished for it.

2. Supporting the use of reparative therapy or gay conversion therapy.

Sadly, too many churches implore LGBTQ individuals to attend reparative therapy (or gay conversion therapy). Conversion therapy is defined as a psychological treatment designed to change a person's sexual orientation from homosexual or bisexual to heterosexual. Conversion therapy, therefore, is biblically unnecessary, unhelpful and harmful. This has never been endorsed or practiced at Watermark.

God's word does not call us to change a person's sin struggle, but it does call us to proclaim God's forgiveness for sin and to equip his people to struggle well against sin. We do not believe that Christians should strive to change anyone's sexual orientation, but rather reorient a person's affections for God through a proper understanding of the Gospel. The goal is not that we would be free from certain forms of temptation, but rather that our hearts would increasingly love what God loves and choose His goodness above our own desires.

Temptation, in all forms, is a human condition — but it is not a terminal or self-defining one. The goal isn't heterosexuality — there are myriad ways heterosexuality practices can be sinful. The goal is holy sexuality.

3. Staying silent in the face of sin.

When it is at its best, the church enters into the LGBTQ conversation because it loves LGBTQ people. But it is never loving to stay silent in the face of sin. This is why refusing to address the LGBTQ conversation is just as unbiblical as addressing it poorly.

The Lord asks his church to stand firm in its convictions and beliefs. He is the source of truth and the way to life. If there is an affront to truth and the biblical way of life, the church must speak up. If we remain silent, we cannot say we truly love others. This means we communicate what the Scriptures say even if it makes us unpopular or misunderstood.

4. Affirming an LGBTQ lifestyle as compatible with Scripture.

The church cannot change what the Bible says based on preference, political opinion or the changing times. We fail in any conversation when we forget that the Bible is God's word and stands the test of time and culture. God's people must stand with him and do the same.

In order to understand why the Bible does not affirm living an active LGBTQ lifestyle, we must look at what the Bible affirms:

God-ordained marriage is a lifelong union between one man and one woman (Genesis 2:18; Matthew 19:4-9; Ephesians 5:31-33). Those who accept and live within God's design for sex, biological gender and marriage experience the blessing of his good design (Psalm 1:1-3; 128:1-4), and decisions to change, alter, or modify God's will in marriage, sex or gender are part of man's brokenness and lead to despair (Romans 1:21-22; James 1:14-16).

God is far more concerned with your heart than your behavior, but a heart that is transformed by His Gospel leads to a transformed life.

Todd Wagner is the senior pastor at Watermark Community Church and the author of the book Come and See.