Monday 13 March

IU, NYU reject 'purely symbolic' sanctuary campus designation

"If the students start to get bored, just put some Spongebob on the TV."

They’re just giving all their other students “sanctuary” from the loss of federal funding.

UCLA creates 'Immigration Advisory Council' in response to EO

Even the name suggests it won’t actually do anything, though...

Flyers defaced at Barnard ahead of Charles Murray speech

Drawing moustaches and devil horns on someone’s picture? That went out of style in 3rd grade.

MAP: Colleges react to new EO with 'immigration response teams'

What a coincidence. Trump is forming similarly-named teams.

Calling millennials lazy is ‘biased,’ U of Arkansas says

Well, it is possible to be both unkind and accurate...

App State student gov demands funds for illegals after new EO

Hint: it only makes sense if you think of the executive order as the excuse they had been waiting for.

Pitzer prez blames factual reporting for 'hate speech'

That’s why it’s important to put some actual forethought into one’s public statements.

Speech doesn’t happen in a vacuum.

Graffiti calls Orange Coast CR prez a 'fascist'

It’s OK, though; he’s not the real “victim.”

Tuesday 14 March

UC-Davis language guide claims only white people can be racist

Working backwards, they finally arrived at a definition they could deem satisfactory.

Faculty guide: Make class a ‘safe space’ with ‘oops/ouch’ method

And if the students start to get bored, just put some Spongebob on the TV.

Miami College of Design prepares to be submerged by 2040

Is it really going to take THAT long?!

App State requests gender-inclusivity disclaimer on academic papers

That way, professors will know that the students are intentionally disregarding the rules of grammar, rather than just accidentally like normal.

Loyola hosts ‘Feminist Festival’ with ‘groovy bra-burners’

Somehow, we doubt that the bra manufacturers were terribly upset.

Pro-lifers demand Kutztown stop stifling their speech

The employees who scrubbed their chalkings were just “following orders.”

Where have we heard that excuse before?

Yale prof: Trump’s ‘lies’ bigger threat than ‘fake news’

Ah, but if his “lies” are reported accurately, is it still “fake news”?

Wednesday 15 March

Colgate gives students ‘safe space’ to emote about Trump

What happened? We don’t know, exactly. They didn’t feel “safe” discussing it.

Emerson students told ‘homosexual’ not inclusive enough

Not inclusive enough for whom?

MIT profs ‘harness the power’ of their positions to resist Trump

When they all gather together and focus really hard, they can summon enough power to light up a neon sign.

Oberlin offers ‘safe space’ to edit feminist Wikipedia articles

Who knew that Wikipedia editors braved such danger on a daily basis?

Bethel faculty: Bible compels us to use inclusive language

But not by example or anything...

Profs advised to ‘correct heteronormative assumptions’ in class

Huh. We would have thought that heteronormative assumptions tend to be correct as-is. That’s what the “normative” part implies.

Students told to call Brown University if questioned by ICE

They must feel so reassured...

UNO provides glossary of ‘queer and trans community’ terms

Beware that gender binary!

UW-Madison ‘wins’ free-speech bracket of shame

It’s because of the school’s propensity to charge students for speaking.

Thursday 16 March

UMD hires new admin to ‘protect’ illegal immigrant students

Your tax dollars at work...

College course asks students to reveal racial preferences

There was literally no answer that didn’t make the respondent look like a bigot.

Very thought-provoking, professor.

Prof leads workshop on ‘coping with despair’ over election

After five months, it’s no longer “coping;” it’s “moping.”

Berkeley blows budget on booze, boat cruise, blacks-only bash

Still, $20,000 worth of booze in one school year is impressive. And that’s just for the executive board!

REPORT: BDS among ‘greatest threats to academic freedom’ today

What?! Even more so than Trump?!

UW-Green Bay offers profs $2K to ‘diversify their courses’

Wanna bet $2,000 that the diversification doesn’t include adding conservative perspectives?

Friday 17 March

Anti-Semitic flyers attacking 'Jewish privilege' appear at UIC

Yeah, because the Jews have historically just had everything handed to them on a silver platter.

Right...

Pitzer profs conspire to 'shut...down' conservative newspaper

Can somebody please teach them the definition of “slander”? They seem to think that it applies to factually-accurate claims made in print.

REPORT: Wealthiest colleges are worst free speech offenders

Yuppies just can’t stand the thought of giving anything away for free, apparently.

Milk new symbol of 'white nationalism,' CSULB student claims

But seriously: did you know that the federal government advises drinking three glasses of milk per day?

And we wonder why there’s an obesity epidemic...

Yale admins push to replace 'freshman' with more 'inclusive' term

Staleperson?

ISU 'Social Justice Summit' ponders privilege, advocates activism

The flyers discuss “a world where social justice matters,” suggesting that at least they’re aware that the programming was a waste of time.