SCP-3622

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Anomalous Item Entry Item #: SCP-3622 Object Class: Keter



Last updated by R. Diaghilev, 31/12/2017 23:59:59 UTC. [REDACTED]

Display version: Level 3/3622 [Redacted Elements: 7 | Redaction supervisor: D. Nedjelski ten.pcs.hcrsr|ikslejden.d#ten.pcs.hcrsr|ikslejden.d ]



Special Containment Procedures:

Instances of SCP-3622-1 are to be contained whenever possible, through a combination of misinformation, talent acquisition, and corporate sabotage. In the event that instances of SCP-3622-1 must be taken into Foundation custody, they are to be held in temporary standard humanoid containment for 72 hours, and issued class A amnestics. Instances of SCP-3622-1 are to be contained whenever possible, through a combination of misinformation, talent acquisition, and corporate sabotage. In the event that instances of SCP-3622-1 must be taken into Foundation custody, they are to be held in temporary standard humanoid containment for 72 hours, and issued class A amnestics. Under no circumstances are SCP-3622-1 instances to be contained together, except during testing. In the event of SCP-3622 infection reaching unmanageable levels, instances of SCP-3622-1 are either to be acquired by the Foundation, or to be encouraged to seek employment at other organizations by Foundation agents. Suspicions of SCP-3622 infection in Foundation software teams is to be reported immediately. All persons suspected of SCP-3622 infection are not to participate in any Agile methodology meetings, or proceedings until SCP-3622 infection is either ruled out, or wears off. In the event of a mass outbreak of SCP-3622-1, termination is authorized in select circumstances. Please see Document SCP-3622-T-EX for circumstances and approval chain.



Prepared by Dr. D. Nedjelski, Agent R. Donnarson, 17/4/2017 11:23:51 UTC. ten.pcs.hcrsr|ikslejden.d#ten.pcs.hcrsr|ikslejden.d, ten.pcs.ces|nosrannod.r#ten.pcs.ces|nosrannod.r



Description:

SCP-3622 is a memetic effect which affects computer programmers exposed to SCP-3622's infection vectors. SCP-3622 affects any human who creates, modifies, or maintains software and uses Agile development methodologies . Affected subjects are collectively designated SCP-3622-1. SCP-3622 is a memetic effect which affects computer programmers exposed to SCP-3622's infection vectors. SCP-3622 affects any human who creates, modifies, or maintains software and uses Agile development methodologies . Affected subjects are collectively designated SCP-3622-1. SCP-3622-1 instances will begin to introduce minor delays in any daily meetings, development processes, or productivity tools that they interact with, until said processes are brought to a complete stand-still. SCP-3622-1 will also pass SCP-3622 on to any other humans qualifying as SCP-3622-1 hosts. SCP-3622's primary transmission occurs through a hallucinatory entity, which appears on software development teams through anomalous means. This entity takes the form of a managerial employee, usually deemed an "efficiency consultant", which creates the initial infection vector. Universally, this entity disappears within 24 hours of initial infection. Members of the software team then become instances of SCP-3622-1 and become the secondary infection vector. SCP-3622's effect is passed on by instances of SCP-3622-1 through currently unknown anomalous means. In most subjects, SCP-3622's effects will cease to manifest after 72 hours, if isolated from other instances of SCP-3622-1. Several cases have significantly longer, or significantly shorter periods of time. All individuals showing this discrepancy have brain stem disorders or deformaties.



Prepared by Dr. D. Nedjelski, 17/4/2017 11:14:55 UTC. ten.pcs.hcrsr|ikslejden.d#ten.pcs.hcrsr|ikslejden.d



Updated Effect Vector

Persons with disorders affecting the brain stem were particularly affected significantly shorter (sometimes for minutes or less), until ██/██/████, corresponding to an "update" to SCP-3622. (See Addendum 4).



Attached by Dr. L. Oliviera, 22/9/2017 17:22:67 UTC. ten.pcs.hcrsr|areivilo.l#ten.pcs.hcrsr|areivilo.l

Persons with disorders affecting the brain stem were particularly affected significantly shorter (sometimes for minutes or less), until ██/██/████, corresponding to an "update" to SCP-3622. (See Addendum 4).

Attached Addenda

Discovery Report

SCP-3622 was discovered on ██/██/████ when Foundation agents placed at [REDACTED] Inc. reported significantly fewer salient data points over a six week period. Foundation assets brought the agents in under the guise of extended sabbatical. SCP-3622 was discovered on ██/██/████ when Foundation agents placed at [REDACTED] Inc. reported significantly fewer salient data points over a six week period. Foundation assets brought the agents in under the guise of extended sabbatical. Agents Kuthrupali and Saksena recovered from the effects of SCP-3622 after 72 hours. The following is a transcript of an initial interview with Agents Saksena and Kuthrupali. Interview - Initial Discovery Debrief Close Transcript Interviewer: Dr. S. Callaghan, Department of Psychology.

Interviewed: Agents Saksena and Kuthrupali Date of Interview: 16/6/2017, 09:22:34 UTC === Doctor Callaghan: So tell me what happened. Agent Saksena: It all seemed so normal. Our standups were around five or ten minutes, right? Agent Kuthrupali: Ten at the outside. Doctor Callaghan: Right, and? Agent Saksena: They started getting longer. Like, a lot longer. We went from giving updates, to giving code reviews, to giving in depth discussions about methodology and style. It seemed so normal, like…for real. I didn't even notice. Agent Kuthrupali: The average got up to like…four hours. Sometimes more. It was even worse with the git repo . I swear, when we got pulled out, I was on page six of my referenced commit message which explained why I used the syntax I did, it was insane. Doctor Callaghan: Any idea when it started? Agent Saksena: Looking back, yeah. It's pretty obvious it was right around the time that Steve, at least I think his name was Steve, joined. But here's the crazy part, now that whatever the hell was going on, isn't going on, I'm really really certain Steve isn't real. Agent Kuthrupali: I think he's right. Steve joined in September, as an… efficiency consultant? So we had to listen to them. We resisted at first, until the changes became mandatory. Then it was like, we wanted to make them. Doctor Callaghan: What sorts of things changed other than what you've mentioned? Agent Kuthrupali: Good example, our documentation wiki. Agent Saksena: Christ. Yeah. Doctor Callaghan: Mmm? Agent Kuthrupali: Okay, so normally with software, it's like document it well enough to work, but get the work done. By the time December rolls around, I was writing two or three pages of wiki text, per ten lines of code. Like, explaining every assignment and variable name. Agent Saksena: I can't stress this enough. It all seemed so normal. Doctor Callaghan: Well, your brain waves show no anomalous activity. You guys'll be on leave for a few more days, then probably assigned to desk work for now. Agent Kuthrupali: Understood. Thanks doc. Agent Saksena: No problem, thanks doctor. Doctor Callaghan: That's it, you can shut off the tape. === END OF LOG



Prepared by Dr. S. Callaghan, 17/6/2017 03:22:21 UTC. ten.pcs.dem|nahgallac.s#ten.pcs.dem|nahgallac.s



Effect Clarification Generally, SCP-3622 will slow down a specific team to the point where the developers will come in to work, consume resources, and produce no viable work. As reported in debriefing transcripts, this slow down will not seem out of the ordinary to instances of SCP-3622-1. Extended observation of SCP-3622 and SCP-3622-1 instances at Bond Street LLC have produced several examples of SCP-3622 behaviors: Daily meetings (commonly referred to as "standups") to discuss progress on ongoing software projects increase in duration steadily. Average duration increase is between 7 and 12 minutes per week, and appears to have a final duration of a maximum of eight hours.

Issue tracking descriptions growing increasingly complex, and implementing arbitrary rules for style.

Version tracking complexity increasing until general codebase changes are near, or total zero.

Documentation requirements sharply increasing for arbitrary reasons, which are rapidly abandoned.

Prepared by Agent Saksena, 15/8/2017 02:14:27 UTC. ten.pcs.ofni|aneskas.a.a#ten.pcs.ofni|aneskas.a.a



Escalation of Effects and Confirmed Use of SCP-3622

On ██/██/████ the Foundation intercepted a mass email to several organizations (see Document-3622-1) confirmed to be using SCP-3622, regarding installation and setup instructions for a new version of the SCP-3622 software. On ██/██/████ the Foundation intercepted a mass email to several organizations (see Document-3622-1) confirmed to be using SCP-3622, regarding installation and setup instructions for a new version of the SCP-3622 software. According to the attached email, the effects of SCP-3622 have been changed and intensified. See text below: Intercepted Email Close Transcript To: Valued Clients <g=clients_list>

From: Mike Summers <moc.seigolonhcetffonedel|sremmusm#moc.seigolonhcetffonedel|sremmusm>

CC: Ledenoff Sales <moc.seigolonhcetffonedel|selas#moc.seigolonhcetffonedel|selas>, WACS Support <moc.seigolonhcetffonedel|troppus.scaw#moc.seigolonhcetffonedel|troppus.scaw>, QUQA Dev Ops <moc.seigolonhcetffonedel|tsid_spo_ca_uq#moc.seigolonhcetffonedel|tsid_spo_ca_uq>

Hey all, this is Mike, As we promised, we're releasing version 2.2.7 this weekend. Please shut down your clusters, and make sure that ports 22, 80, and [REDACTED] are open to our servers, as the upgrade will only work if it's verified through our servers on port [REDACTED]. We're really excited about this one! Issue tracking is always a hassle in the end, haha! We've also fixed a few nasty bugs, most significantly an edge case which nearly negated Quaesturas™ benefits in certain circumstances. Thanks for the great bug reports, guys! If anyone still hasn't upgraded their cluster software or hardware from the last version, please email us for support immediately. Your support contract will expire without updated hardware! Thanks again for being loyal Quaesturas™ customers. We look forward to your continual support and patronage. Mike Summers,

CEO

Ledenoff Technologies After this email was intercepted, observations at [REDACTED] Inc. showed additional instances of SCP-3622-1 throughout multiple locations belonging to their competitors, apparently spread through the target's issue tracking software. Additional investigation into instances of SCP-3622 at other organizations showed the same patterns, indicating this "upgrade" to the "Quaesturas" software expanded its anomalous effect significantly. Most significantly the original timing discrepancy found in subjects with brain stem disorders was no longer observed.



Prepared by Technician B. Solano, 15/8/2017 09:14:55 UTC. ten.pcs.ved|onalos.b#ten.pcs.ved|onalos.b

