It's been a few years since I graduated high school and I've been doing much better now. However, I still remembering realizing what it meant to be a woman... I remember teachers and police officers shaming woman for having a sexuality and blaming the victims after an attack.

I want every woman out there to know they are not alone. This is my story.

Like any other teenager, I was troubled. I cared way too much what my peers thought of me and I was desperate for any kind of attention. While in the midst of losing friends I met a guy who played sports and had a nice build. I am an artsy person so I didn't actually really care about either of those two things but society discreetly told me that is the type of guy I am supposed to be with... so I listened.

If I was older and wiser, I could have seen right away that he was insecure, lonely and lacked an overall identity... but I was fifteen. (Just like the Taylor Swift song, ironically). He was mean to his mom, he talked about his ex-girlfriend, and he really didn't seem to have any friends. He over reacted to little things like pranks from his brothers and his face was often expressionless.

I was quick to jump into sex and ended up pushing him into dating me. I regretted this all later. He told several people about having sex with me, which led to an anonymous message being sent to me about how I am not ver lady-like. Years later I think I found out who sent that massage... once I realized it was probably just, I really didn't care too much anymore.

Once when I was giving him a blow-job I broke the string on his new/cheap board shorts and he yelled at me. He actually got angry. I tried to hot glue it back together, but it didn't work.

He wouldn't text me first, I texted him and painfully waited for a reply. One night I broke my phone in half to stop myself from texting him.

He broke up with me by changing his facebook status to "single." I noticed it while I was at a party and you would think it would upset me, but I was actually relieved. Dating caused some kind of stress for me, so I was happy it was all over. Or at least so I thought ...

The next he started sending me Facebook messages inviting me to come over for "a finger." At this point I was done with him out of fear for my reputation at school and never went to his house or did anything with ever again... but that never stopped his messages.

Eventually I learned to not respond to his messages, but the messages just kept coming. He would forget about me for a few months then message me again. I did block him for a while until I told a girlfriend about it and she thought I was overacting by blocking him. At the time I felt guilty for being "over-emotional" and I unblocked him. Eventually, after high school, I received these messages.

Small Example of His Constant Messages

Last communication since blocking him.

He wasn't my Facebook friend, he just sent me messages, I later blocked him again without feeling any guilt about it. I deserve to not have to deal with these messages and I want to protect myself from him.

Looking over my block list now, he is the oldest name there. Meaning he is the very first person I ever blocked.

The "whore" reputation he created for me lasted a while. I went to a party once with my younger friend, it was her new boyfriend's house. Sure enough the guy I am talking about in this blog was there too. Apparently he was only invited because one of his friends invited him... he didn't know the guy who was throwing the party. At first glimpse he was drinking beer from a funnel, when we spotted each other. I am proud that I had the courage to still walk into that party. The only I was there was to protect my friend. I was in the kitchen with the host of the party and my friend when I saw his head peek around the corner to get a good look at me. It was creepy and weird, meanwhile I was being the insecure one.

Throughout the night I got asked by several men to come into a bedroom with them, some were more straight forward than others. One creepy guy with his hair slicked back simply just tried to continuously feed me alcohol. I never took a sip from his vodka. I was becoming stronger at that point. I really hope I don't need to clarify this, but I didn't sleep with any them or even think about it. The whole night made me feel just terrible. Even if I did sleep with one of them, it does not change the fact that I was being sexually harassed .

Years later, the thought that I am a worthless whore still scars me. Just as much as the memory of my time with him. I am hoping that writing my story will help me heal.

#MeToo