Trump Declares Emergency on Father Time

Jun 10, 2019

America: Do you wonder why everything is some emergency with me? Does it seem like, if I don’t get my way, suddenly there’s a national crisis on our hands?

It’s all true. I do live in a state of emergency. But it is not what you think.

It’s because all motion is an emergency.

The only state of being not in an emergency is Absolute 0. Yet that too is fake news, thank you Heisenberg.

We are bound to the constant spinning of the clock. Time is a destructive, all-devouring force Oh, Cronus: How I wish you had no hands! Oh Nataraja: how I wish you’d dance for me no more!

All motion is an emergency. All motion is an emergency!

Emotion. Promotion. Demotion. Commotion. Locomotion potion of Laotian devotion!

With motion comes death. Thus all movement is death. But death is the lack of movement, so all movement is life. Thus all life is death!

Eureka! I am both life and death. INDEED: all of my decisions ARE a matter of life and death!

America! I am your national emergency! America, such grim news I reap! It’s about time you reaped it my way! IT’S ABOUT TIME!