The Doctor Who Hanukkah Special: The 7 Days 8 Nights of the Doctor

The candles on the menorah always casted a glow that captivated Laurie much in the way she imagined the snake charmer’s tune entranced a cobra. She swayed a bit with the flames. The soft cacophony of her family in the other room played a nice background noise to her inner thoughts.



She pinched her toes in her new Ugg slippers. Normally she didn’t like the smaller Hanukkah gifts, but it was hard to argue with her feet when they felt like they were experiencing love for the first time. Alone in the kitchen, she took a deep breath as if to savor the peace and solitude of the moment before she would be called to return to the living room where the rest of her family waited for her to start their game of Monopoly.



She took out her phone and started flipping through her JDate app; no one good. Her brother Alan had brought his girlfriend Rachel home with him this year and her mother’s inquiring glances wouldn’t let her hear the end of it. She placed her phone down on the table in defeat and stood up, wondering to herself if anyone had chosen the hat token as their piece yet.



Bzzzz. Bzzzz. She turned to her phone to see who texted her, but the screen remained unlit. “That’s odd,” the buzzing continued. Getting louder and louder, until it wasn’t buzzing anymore, but almost a whirring. A whooshing.



WHOOSH. WHOOSH WHOOSH.



She covered her ears. Loud noises gave her headaches. In front of her, as if out of thin air, a blue Police box materialized right in her kitchen, next to the island (granite counter tops, stainless steel utilities, recently updated; very nice, really).



Normally very communicative and articulate, Laurie was speechless; which was a first. What was this in front of her? Was she high? Yes, a little. The door to the blue box opened and out stepped a man with a tuft of straight brown hair and an awful bowtie that immediately distracted her from the whole situation.



“Ew.” Laurie spoke finally.



“Ew?” said the man in an English accent that caught Laurie off guard. She looked in his eyes and decided he was cute enough and English enough that she could forgive the bowtie, at least temporarily.



“Who are you?” asked Laurie.



“I’m the Doctor,” said the Doctor.



“You’re a doctor?” Laurie lit up.



“I’m the Doctor, actually,” corrected the Doctor.



“What kind of Doctor?” Laurie was cautiously optimistic.



“Well, it’s a bit complicated,” started the Doctor.



“Oh, I get it, you had more than one specialty. It’s okay, my dad’s a podiatrist and an orthopedist. He runs his own practice,” Laurie interrupted. The man didn’t seem to be with anybody; no ring on his finger. “Did you come here alone? No girlfriend or… wife?” Laurie tried to peek around and see inside the mysterious box.



“Just me, I’m afraid. I’m traveling alone for the time being,” The Doctor started to do some looking around of his own. He made his way over to the leftover food on the buffet. He smelled a latke.



“What’s this box?” Laurie snooped around it, “It looks like a changing room at Macy’s.”



“That is my TARDIS.”



“Is that German?”



“No, it’s Gallifreyan.”



“Ah. My dad drives a Tesla.”



Laurie was perplexed. She’d never seen such a weird car before; much less one that could appear out of nowhere. This Doctor must be really successful, she thought. Discretely, she adjusted her bra.



“So, what brings you here?” Laurie batted her eyes at the handsome Doctor.



“Funny you should ask that, actually,” the Doctor turned his attention to Laurie. He thinks I’m funny, she thought.



“It seems the lights from your menorah, right there, attracted me here.”



He thinks I’m attractive! She deducted.



“My TARDIS seems to think that this is a place I need to be, but apparently it brought me to the wrong point in time. You see, the TARDIS can travel through space and time. Say, how would you like to come along with me?” asked the Doctor.



“Yes. Mom! I’m going with a Doctor to travel!” yelled Laurie.



“Finally!” yelled her mother from the other room.

“Wait, don’t you want to know any more about what’s going on?” the Doctor spun to Laurie who was already at the door of the TARDIS.



“Nah, not really. Let’s go. Does this thing have seat warmers?” Laurie tried to open the door as her mom came into the kitchen holding a nice down jacket.



“Laurie, honey, take this jacket, it’s cold.”



“Mom! Not now.”



“Where are you going? Will it be cold?” her mother was concerned.



“I don’t know, Mom. I’m going through space and time.” Laurie whined back.



Laurie’s mother pushed past the bewildered Doctor, a man thousands of years old who was not entirely sure what he was being witness to.



“Just take it, space and time sounds cold. Are you gonna need a snack for the ride?” Laurie’s mother forced the jacket upon Laurie who begrudgingly took it.



“No, we’ll stop along the way,” assured Laurie.



“Actually, time travel happens instantaneously, and while we won’t be able to stop for food, it will only feel like a couple of minutes,” Interjected the Doctor. Laurie’s mother turned and looked at the Doctor for the first time. She sized him up.



“You look thin. Just take some kugel and a turkey leg,” insisted Laurie’s mother. “I have some matzo ball soup frozen that you can bring. Let me just defrost it.”



“That really won’t be necessary-“ the Doctor feebly attempted to dissuade Laurie’s mother.



“Nonsense, it’ll just take a second,” she had already put the bag in the microwave. She pressed a few buttons, but stalled on the last one. “Ugh, this damn microwave. You know, I told your father it was going to break on us one of these days and lo and behold: phhbbbllttt,” she stuck out her tongue, “And when we have company, nonetheless. So is my life!”



“Allow me,” the Doctor pulled what looked to be a long metallic cylinder out of his breast pocket and pointed it at the microwave.



“What is that, a gun?” Laurie’s mother pulled back. The Doctor looked at the object in his hand.



“This? Oh no, it’s my sonic screwdriver. That should do it.” The microwave whirred to life as Laurie’s mother shot an impressed look to Laurie.



“He’s handy, too!” she declared. The soup thawed slowly. They waited in what the Doctor considered an uncomfortable silence for seconds.



“So what kind of doctor are you?” prodded Laurie’s mother.



“It doesn’t really work like that,” the Doctor answered patiently.

“My husband has this thing on his leg, do you think you could take a look at it? MARTY!” she called to the other room. “It’s the size of an egg, we have no idea what it is. MARTY! Come in here!”

“Mom, he doesn’t want to look at Dad’s leg,” insisted Laurie.



“Do you know David Zucker?” continued Laurie’s mother.



“Mom, ohmigod stoppit,” Laurie pleaded.



“Laurie and him went to Brandeis together. Between you and me I think she had a little crush on him,” Laurie’s mom whispered the last part.



“I’m afraid I haven’t had the pleasure,” the Doctor was starting to wonder if he had made a mistake in coming here.



“He’s a handsome boy. Good family. Are you married?” Laurie’s mother was inches from the Doctor.



“You know, I really should be going,” the Doctor attempted to squeeze past Laurie and her mother. DING! The microwave signaled that the soup was ready.



“Okay, here you go you two. Will you call me when you get where you’re going?” Laurie’s mother took the soup out from the microwave.



“Yes,” reassured Laurie as if it was being imposed upon her. It was. “We’re going to have to call her when we get to space and time, okay?”



“Actually, Laurie, I think it might be best if you stay here.” The Doctor, now in a bit of a panic pressed himself toward the TARDIS between Laurie and the island, which, again, was topped by some very nice granite.



“But… I thought I was coming with you. You said we were going to travel and you were going to get me a hand bag,” Laurie’s worry was causing her voice to rise to an octave that would make a dog wince.



“I never said anything about a bag and on second thought it might be too dangerous,” back-peddled the Doctor, “For me.” He snapped his fingers and the TARDIS door shot open allowing him to leap inside.



“Do you see that, Laurie. It doesn’t look like much but it’s so much bigger on the inside. The décor isn’t great, but look at the open space. A nice area rug could go a long way.” The TARDIS door snapped shut as Laurie banged her hands against it, desperately clawing to get in.



“I have air miles, can I meet you somewhere?” Laurie begged. The whirring started again and the TARDIS slowly disappeared from their view. A defeated Laurie looked on the floor where the Doctor’s blue box once stood.



“What was that?” Laurie’s mother was taken aback.



“That was his TARDIS.”



“Sounds German,” concluded Laurie’s mother. “You’re better off. Come now, we’re waiting on you for Monopoly. I’m the hat.” Laurie’s mother headed back to the living room with Laurie walking sadly in tow, a tear dropping onto her new Uggs. This night couldn’t be any worse.



She never got to be the hat.