Tragedy struck the U.S. this morning as her inhabitants slowly began to realize that there are five more soul-crushing presidential primary debates scheduled before the general election season.

Social scientists and epidemiologists have gone on the offensive, urging citizens to not make any rash decisions before the end of the process.

“This point is historically where some really tragic statistics begin to spike,” said Stubhill’s lead number adviser Barry Manilow. “The pressure is at its highest point, and some individuals buckle and do things which cannot be undone.”

Manilow emphatically stressed that “it gets better” and throwing one’s TV out the window is not the solution.

Follow Stubhill News for all the latest election coverage.