“Oh, will you just f**k off,” EU tells Britain

The EU has responded to news that the British Parliament had voted for Theresa May to seek changes to the backstop in surprisingly strident fashion.

Within thirty minutes of the amendment being passed, EU President Jean-Claude Juncker convened a press conference.

With journalists in place, Mr Juncker made his way to the podium, cleared his throat and then simply said – ‘Oh, will you just f**k off.’

Journalist Simon Williams takes up the story.

“Well, the room went silent for a minute and there must have been some confusion because a reporter from L’Equipe stood up and asked if Mr Juncker meant us, you know, the journalists.

“Mr Juncker said – No, he meant the UK and we were all fine – although I suspect he meant the European journalists were fine but us British ones could also, you know, eff off.”

Mr Juncker was then asked to expand on his comments.

“Expand?” He spluttered.

“How can I expand on ‘f**k off?’

“Let me be clear, we have spent two years dealing with a conveyer belt of cretins from this British government, we finally get a deal that we all agree on and then they all have a little tantrum and decide they don’t like the backstop – a concept they seem determined to misunderstand.

“So, I repeat – just, f**k off.”

Mr Juncker then left the stage.

UK Prime Minister Theresa May responded to Mr Juncker’s comments by muttering something about the will of the people, and booking her usual first class seat on Eurostar.

Brexit means Clusterf*ck – get the t-shirt