I'd like to think I'm a man that's matured and developed some basic sensibilities over the course of my fortunate and blessed life (lol no really, Twitter account aside). Oh sure, you'll pull one over on me every now and then, but for the most part, I'd like to think of myself as a pretty smart guy, and one that's not fooled by a lot. And because I've lived a full life, I've come to have a healthy skepticism on some things, and there are several things I have learned to never trust.They are, in no particular order:

1) A cannibal you're stranded on an island with when he says 'yeah go ahead and take a nap, I'm not hungry.'.

2) Anything a politician says in an election year

3) A drink from Bill Cosby

4) A stranger that calls and says 'I'm not trying to sell you something', because they're always...always trying to sell you something.

5) Anyone who says 'it's not about the money', because it's always...ALWAYS...about the money.

6) every single word, comma, period, question mark, and dangling participle that comes from the mouth of Vikings GM Rick Spielman during his last press conference before the NFL Draft.

But that's why we love Rick Spielman, because we know he's lying to our face, he knows we know that he's lying to our face, and yet when he speaks...you believe every word he says. Spielman's so good that he could literally be eating a hamburger right in front of you-- a hamburger that you made for him--and he'll tell you he's having a tuna salad sandwich, thank you very much. And you will walk away knowing in your heart of hearts you made Rick Spielman the best tuna salad sandwich in history.

And that, in it's purest form, is RickSpeak: The art of looking you in the eye, saying nothing truthful or meaningful...yet revealing all if you know what you're looking for.* And that's where we come in**, for we here at The Daily Norseman are Professional Rickspeak translators.***

*There is nothing remotely revealing about this

**We're here all the time actually (or was that statement in and of itself Rickspeak--MIND BLOWN.JPG)

***Who are we kidding, we can barely speak and type the King's English

So what do we do? We prevent you, gentle reader, from buying what Spielman's selling at face value,* and we get the real meaning of what he's saying,** down to the syllable.***

*We really don't. Humans have this thing called free will, so technically we can't stop you from doing anything

**Sorry, we don't do that either. It's all made up, every word

***Like really, 100% made up, down to the last syllable.

And there is nothing more natural in his or her environment than Rick Spielman addressing reporters in his last press conference before the draft. He's Michelangelo painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, Jack Morris on the mound in game 7 of '91, and Charlie Sheen at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch, all rolled into one.

So, on to our pre-draft Rickspeak. As usual, what the Guru of Gobbledygook says is in block quotes, and the actual true meaning* of his words are immediately below.

*Not even O.J.'s Dream Team could save me from a lawsuit if I didn't reiterate, for like the 1,374th time, that this is all made up. Except, you know, Spielman's actual quotes from the press conference.

What Rick Said: First off, I wanted to start and thank everybody that's associated with this process. Jamaal Stephenson, our director of college scouting, this was his second year and has done an outstanding job of setting up the logistics and running our meetings; coordinating everything. Coach Zimmer, the coaching staff, and the work and time they've put into this process. It's a great working relationship between our coaches and our scouting department. Tony Sparano and Pat Shurmur did an outstanding job and added a lot of new and different thought processes to what we were looking for at specific positions.

What Rick Meant: Zygi is HEMORRHAGING cash with all these new guys. Scott Studwell did all this by himself. Because Scott Studwell. Stud. Well.

What Rick Said: Scott Kuhn, who is kind of leading our charge in analytics, he took us up another notch this year and some of the ideas and how we apply the analytics to our draft process.

What Rick Meant: We did an Emeril Lagasse and BAM...kicked it up a notch with nerds. WE GOT NEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRDDDDSSSSSSSS

What Rick Said: It's an exciting time of the year. This, to me, is always the last chance that you get to add to your roster from a personnel stand point that can potentially have an impact on your team going forward. It's the foundation of our football team.

What Rick Meant: THE DRAFT IS HERE AND WE ARE GONNA KICK IT WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

What Rick Said: The process of continuing to layer in another draft class to what we currently have and what we were able to accomplish over the last couple of years. When we do this, we're not only looking at the short-term and what can help us next year, but we also have to look at the long-term. When I sit there and look at our roster and start to shape what our roster is going to look like in ‘16, but also I have to have an eye on what we're going to look like in ‘17 and '18.

What Rick Meant: I'm gonna do so much trading imma have like 20 draft picks for '17 and '18 when it's all said and done.

What Rick Said: The one thing that I can truly say, and I've been doing this for 26 years now, is that I've never been around a coaching staff, led by Coach Zimmer and his staff, on developing young talent. I think that's becoming pretty clear and evident to the media and to the fans on taking specific guys that fit the Minnesota Vikings. We are very in-tune to what we want and it may not be a fit for other teams, you could see us pass by guys and say, ‘Why would they pass by him? He's a good football player.' Or we may take a name that may not be familiar to you and say, ‘Why the heck would they pick that guy?' But truly, I really believe in the process that we go though, the traits that we're looking for and the system fit that these coaches want when we bring in these players. We have a specific criteria and our draft board gets narrowed down to specific areas in each round and there's only certain players that are going to fit what we want as a Minnesota Viking.

What Rick Meant: When we pass on all the OSU guys, Ted, and we draft someone out of Western Where The Hell Is That Junior College And Welding School...just shut up and color. We know what we're doing. Trust us.

[ED NOTE: Okay]

What Rick Said: We were very active in the offseason, I think we ended signing 13 of our own players, plus our seven practice squad guys to put it up to 20 and six unrestricted free agents. By doing that, I believe it gave us a lot of flexibility going into this draft. As I sit there and enjoy reading the mock drafts and everybody out there trying to determine what we're going to do, we are in a position to take the best player, I'm sure I'll get a receiver question here, I'm not sure, but in case someone does; we're not honed in on a receiver in the 1st Round. We'll look at the potential best available player regardless of position. I think that's the way that we have done it and will continue to do that because it ends up paying off for you. Not only for potentially this year, but as we go into the future years.

What Rick Meant: We signed a lot of guys, except wide receiver. We are so honed in on signing a wide receiver. Probably more than one. Hell, we're so stove-piped in on a wide out that might be our whole draft class. Trust us, we're professionals. It'll be fine.

Q: How did you go about incorporating Pat Shurmur and Tony Sparano and what did they bring to the table that was different?

What Rick Said: A couple of things, I think both of them with their knowledge, with their experience in the league, with the traits they're looking for at their positions. I always ask anytime we bring in a new coach, or we bring in a new scout, what did you do you at other places? Look at our process, is there things that we can always add to make us better in the process we go through as we get ready for the draft. They had some different ideas, but I know coming out of those meetings and as we talked about the players, I can truly tell you what type of player was appealing to them and what type of player wasn't. There was no grey area with those guys, which I really appreciate. Us as a scouting department, or me personally, may not totally agree with them, but I know where they stand and that's the most important thing.

What Rick Meant: Norv, meet Pat and Tony. Pat and Tony, meet Norv. Norv, they're going to keep you from calling dumb ass trick plays in the middle of a beautiful drive. And they're going to make you an offer to use Cordarrelle Patterson you can't refuse.

Q: What is the depth of the wide receivers overall in this draft? It seems like there might be some good options in the 2nd and 3rd rounds?

What Rick Said: Even a Stefon Diggs in the 5th, I don't know how the draft is going to fall. Like I said, we spent a lot of time at all of these positions, but I do think there is a lot of quality at that position as you go down through. There's different styles, different types: small ones, tall ones.

What Rick Meant: I think the rest of the NFL is in agreement with us that all the wide receivers suck, and should pass on all of them until we pick. We'll just confirm their opinions and get a long snapper.

Q: You've often said you want 10 selections each draft, is that still the case when you're not a rebuilding team anymore?

What Rick Said: I kind of take the approach that we're starting fresh. That way your mind is not skewed one way or another and you're just focused on - let's get the best football players we can get and if we can get those guys in here, the coach will figure out how to use them and how they carve out their roles and go from there. I don't ever say, ‘Because we had success last year, or because we were so active in signing all of these guys that we're not going to take a player.' Because that might not be an immediate need that people see as of today, but it sure in the heck could be a huge need that we could fill this year for potentially next year, as well. I'm always going to take the approach, I don't worry about that as much as much as I worry about just getting the best football players we can get in here.

What Rick Meant: The Minnesota Vikings under Mike Zimmer have completed the rebuild. We now re-load, bitches.

Q: What traits are you looking for at safety next to Harrison Smith and is it tough to evaluate these prospects given they're defending spread offenses in college?

What Rick Said: There's a couple of safeties, but I think what most teams are doing now is looking at these big corners and trying see if they can convert to a free safety. Harrison Smith, can do things at the line of scrimmage very well, he plays the backend very well. I know from a philosophy standpoint, we are looking for safeties that are interchangeable, they have to be able to do both. It's not just one playing strong up to the line of scrimmage and the other one playing back free all of the time. As we look at these safeties, we're looking can they do the things we do from a defensive standpoint and can they be just effective close to the line of scrimmage as they can be on the backend.

What Rick Meant: If we can get a guy that has pupils that dilate when you put a pen light on them, at this point, we'll declare victory and move on.

Q: In the interim, could Michael Griffin be interchangeable with Harrison Smith at the other safety spot as well?

What Rick Said: That's why we signed him. But we're going to see. He's learning a new system. I know one of the reasons he came here was because he knew the coaching that he was going to get here and the history of this coaching staff in taking some of these vets and recreating them. I think that will all play out as we go through here once we start to get on the field and start to see how things start to fit together.

What Rick Meant: About as interchangeable as a manual transmission is for a surgical scalpel in an operating room. So no. Definitely no.

Q: Can you describe the process of thinking that goes into what you do after the 1st round in that 24 hours up to the 2nd round?

What Rick Said: I still wish the thing would go for three rounds in a row, but that's another point. It'll be interesting at the 23rd pick because I've already had two calls that I can verify today about teams potentially coming up our way. And one potentially may be in the 2nd round, so we're going to have to make some determinations and usually those decisions aren't made until we're actually on the clock. One, who's available there? Is he too good to pass up? Two, what is the depth behind that position if we do pass him up? Do we have another swing at a guy we like at that same position potentially in the 2nd round? Or three, don't move out of the 1st round because of that fifth year option. Maybe try to move down within the 1st round and still get a player that you feel very excited to get.

What Rick Meant: This three day format sucks, man. I have had no one call me to trade, but what I am doing is generating a market for the 23rd pick, and by the time we're on the clock Cleveland is going to probably want to give me half their draft for the next four years for that pick. And then they'll re-draft Manziel, because the homeless guy said so. Anyway, we'll trade anyone anywhere for damn near anything. Stupid Cleveland.

Q: Did the calls you receive both request coming up from the 2nd round or how did that go?

What Rick Said: One was 1st round to 1st round, one was 2nd round to 1st round.

What Rick Meant: One was from Mike Zimmer, the other one was from my brother Chris.

Q: Were they asking for your 23rd pick specifically?

What Rick Said: They've called specifically not to say hello and stuff. They're asking about my 23rd pick.

What Rick Meant: Zim asked me to swing by 7 Eleven and pick up a Tampa 2 corner so we could make fun of him during training camp. Chris threatened to give me a wedgie if I didn't draft an Ohio State player.

Q: Is there absolutely any position you will not address in the draft this week?

What Rick Said: No. Every position will be open in the draft. There's not one position we will not look at in the draft. In general, we will keep the blinders wide open.

What Rick Meant: Teddy's safe. Harry's safe. Everyone else...be afraid. Be very afraid.

Q: Are you going to use more analytics this draft?

What Rick Said: It's used as a tool and for example - I won't get into specifics because I think there's a lot of trade secrets and a lot of things that we do differently and how we approach the analytics. The one thing I know where analytics has come into the fact is I know you guys look at the value charts on trades. We don't use those at all. We look at the analytics on, "Ok, slot number 16 and slot number 34: is there a difference in the value of player you are getting there? Do you still have a chance to get a red starter at the 29th pick the same as you do with the 16th pick?" So there are what I call sweet spots on our draft board each round where we see value and if you get below that sweet spot, maybe the value decreases on the type of player you could potentially get. So we're not so honed into, "Well, we were 300 points short on here," or "we won by 200 points." The fact is we're looking at historically over since 1998, we look at the positions where starters have come out of the 3rd round, starters have come out of the 5th round. So if you have a position, for example, that 98% of the starters only come out of the first two rounds and you have another position that is stacked with that guy in the 1st round but you also say there's been other guys over the history that you've gotten in the 4th and 5th round that became just as good of players, then you balance that.

What Rick Meant: WE GOT NERDS EVERYWHERE USING THEIR NERD BRAINS FOR WEIRD NERD NUMBERS AND WE WILL OUT NERD YOU FROM THE FIRST WHOLE NERD NUMBER TO THE FIFTH NERD NUMBER PAST THE NERD DECMAL POINT SO TAKE THAT PRECIOUS TRADE CHART AND STICK IT UP YOUR ASS BAAAAY--BEEEEEE 'CUZ OUR NERDS TELL US WE CAN GET STARTERS EVERYWHERE!

NNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

See you Thursday, which can't get here fast enough.