Dear Dr. .

I desperately need your help.

15 years ago I took up with an old flame and left my wife when my son was 10. I remained close to my son and he got on well with his step-siblings. He was cheerful and easygoing.

In the last 3 years his stepmother rejected his company and refused to encourage him visiting me. She had an issue with the automatic entitlement my son had to funding as a single parent child, notwithstanding my ample alimony payments. We are well enough off for this not to matter. He left university in 2012 and struggled to find a job. His stepmum held this against him and made sure he knew this.

In 2014 he got a job in London and asked me if he could live in my London flat. One of my step children had just moved out after 18 months and I welcomed his company.

His stepmum insisted he needed to move out almost immediately and made it clear when she was in the flat 3 days a week he was unwelcome.

He was doing well at work but clearly felt miserable in the flat. I had a conversation with him saying he better move out and I would fund the new apartment. I left for the weekend and came back to find my son had gone missing. I failed to follow up thinking he was taking a break but a few days later he was found dead having slashed his wrists.

I feel very sad about the death of my son, very guilty. Im unable to understand it; and welcome the support from my stepchildren. My wife thinks my son was very selfish and unnecessarily upset her children (one left his university studies in reaction).

I am struggling with my role and what I should think. I am tearful, sleep badly and feel .

can you help…

A Distraught Father

Dear Father,

I am so terribly sorry for your pain. There is absolutely nothing more dreadful than losing a child particularly in this abrupt and tragic manner. Again, my deepest condolences. At this point I am very concerned about your well-being particularly because you are clearly quite . This is understandable. Nonetheless, you must contact a therapist immediately to deal with the very complicated family situation that you have on your hands.

I must say that I am very concerned about the behavior of your wife. Clearly, I haven't heard her side of the story but nonetheless it seems that she was unusually harsh with your son and favored her own kids. This is not an atypical scenario but it is always upsetting to see a stepparent behave this way. Perhaps she was of your relationship with your son or he was a reminder that you had a child with another woman. In any case, she sounds judgmental, harsh and unsupportive. In your you must discuss why your wife behaves this way and your feelings toward her.

A partner should be supportive and loving not harsh and rejecting toward her stepchildren. Please get to a therapist immmediately and perhaps even to a group. Your family sitiation and feelings will not resolve themselves on their own. Please get back to me as soon as you can

Good Luck,

Dr. G.

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