Thanksgiving, the holiday of food, football and, of course, family. And while we love the food part — who doesn’t love the one opportunity a year when gorging yourself is actually encouraged — the only thing we get nervous about is the part that includes family. While we love everyone we’re related to dearly, there’s nothing that creates more stress and anxiety than being crammed into the same few rooms with blood relatives for more than a few hours.

There’s the inevitable political disagreements to get into with your aunt and uncle who are really sweet but for some reason no one understands also watch Fox News/MSNBC/CNN (who are we kidding, no one watches CNN); the cousin who just started that great new job your parents wished you had; the sibling who you always seem to bicker with, only during these specific times, and only over stupid crap like who controls the remote, which you know is based on some deep-seated competition involving who your parents love more that you’ve been working through with your therapist; and then your parents, who love you so much they can’t stop asking you all those questions only parents ask. Man are we glad the puritanical values of the Pilgrims didn’t attach themselves to this holiday so that we can actually have a drink! Here’s the wine, beer and booze you need to get through all that turkey and stuffing. Not to mention all the cheek pinching. Good luck.