Chapter 6: Canvas

"I'll take her coffee. Would you like a muffin as well?"

It should have been so easy to say something - anything - to disregard the woman's offer. It would have been so easy to just continue on her own way, having to be turned down by the cashier after several moments of cussing and arguing - finally, managing to even insult the worker. Her poor - literally - mind ultimately went from fusing with anger to gaping at the blonde standing beside her, hand on the counter, another hand placed on her hip.

Finally, she had a moment to collect herself, recognizing the full of beauty and grace that was this woman admiring her in confidence. Something Anna would never have described herself. At all. And there, that beauty and grace was, offering to pay for her lunch like they knew each other for years.

Oh, but… of course, nothing was ever easy - especially due to the way Anna was at the moment.

Her hands began to tingle - perhaps through the sheer will of wanting to punch that cashier… or perhaps something a bit more sinister than that - her breathing beginning to grow heavy, her concentration becoming lacking. Though, it wasn't something she couldn't handle. It could be easily fixed with a small dose of relief in just a moment.

She gulped, grasping her own arm with her fingers, attention averted away. Concentrating on one thing was hard enough, and when this beautiful woman was staring right at her… "No thanks."

The blonde's eyebrow arched in reaction to the two words. Though, while saying nothing, a heavy sigh became her only response. She turned to the cashier with her debit card between her fingers. "I'll grab her iced coffee, a blueberry muffin… right, and I'll take mine black. Hot."

Surely, the cashier must have been completely dumbfounded by the whole situation, and so must be the dozen people lounging about in the cafe. This Starbucks wasn't usually this quiet, after all.

Speechlessness had completely caught Anna's throat, and she wasn't sure if she was willing to stay standing here like an idiot with this girl any longer. Sure, she had beauty and grace, but things like that could be so deceiving… especially when Anna could be the most paranoid person living on earth sometimes.

In the background, the only noise traveling around were the buttons clicking and receipts pulling from the cashier booth. "That's your total, ma'am."

"Thank you very much." She took her card and receipt, at the same time, nodding to Anna towards the pick-up area. "Why don't you grab our stuff? I'll be sitting by the window."

In complete quietness, Anna looked over the tall woman's shoulder. By the window, as she had said, was a desk with a laptop and a binder being its occupant for now. Truth be told, she didn't want to sit with her. She didn't even want to talk with her. How could she? With dark rings all under her eyes, her skin as pale as a ghost, her body as frail as a tree branch… well, nobody would even want to approach her. And she didn't want to approach anyone else as well.

Unless she's approaching me because she knows what this is…

Anna didn't feel even the slightest need to answer her, which prompted the woman having to walk back to her desk. What could she do? Her only excuse, if she agreed, was that she would love to have someone to vent how she felt. Only, she just had to find that courage to do so.

If Anna couldn't even meet a single appointment to a therapist, how was she expected to say anything that came to her mind to a stranger? But she had decided, what more did she have to lose? What would be so bad about talking with another woman, close to her age? She had lost so much… gained so little, but if this was ever going to do here any good, then…

After waiting for the two coffees and muffin to come, she slowly approached the woman - only stopping just across her desk, simply to gawk at her tapping away on her laptop. If she could describe what that woman looked like right now, Anna would have easily said she was… an angel? She was never good at sentimentality, but that woman looked the sort.

She cleared her throat. Blue eyes quickly raised up with curiosity, fingers stopped tapping, and the woman smiled attentively. "Go on, sit."

Anna shook her head, letting the woman take the objects from her hands and placed them on the table. "I… I should go," her little voice responded. Her eyes - unbeknownst to her - flickered away.

Still, even from staring at her own, she could sense the blonde's soft gaze.

"Come now, I bought you a coffee and a muffin. The least you could do is have a talk with me. Besides, I need an excuse to take a bit of break from work."

She was right. Anna didn't need to feel obligated to sit with her, but at least, right now she knew she needed to have a little bit of courtesy and face people. With wary eyes, she glanced at the girl and slowly sat across from where she was standing. The satisfaction shown on the woman's face as she mirrored the action allowed Anna to relax a bit.

Silence, though, took over a good portion of their time together. It was a little awkward, as it turned out. Even a little more awkward when she realized how much the blonde had been staring at her, coffee in hand, but still untouched by her lips.

"W-What?" Anna stuttered, unsure and self-conscious.

In response was a curious hum before the woman took a sip of her own beverage, taking a seat. Her eyes wandered at their surroundings to admire. Her lips pursed in thought before pressing into an entertained smile. "I should come here more often. I didn't know this Starbucks could cause a ruckus at times."

Anna didn't intend for that to happen. She never thought someone would provide her some kind of help, no matter how small. The shame she felt had been ignited even more, drowning the gratefulness she had. Her cheeks flared with embarrassment, but the substance she had been taking didn't allow any color to come to life. Not a lot at least.

Anxiously, she began jerking her leg up and down in repetition. Her heart beat like a snare drum, loud enough to drown the sound of her words ready to come out. "S-Sorry. I… Thank you. I-I was just…"

"Needed coffee, and you didn't have enough money. I know."

"Y-Yeah." Was this small talk? Anna wasn't sure if she was too interested in entertaining these kinds of small talks, and like the introvert - she had become - Anna had her lips sealed tight. Something so small as to say a simple 'yeah' was giving her anxiety. Or, if anything, she could be feeling a bit delirious -

"My name's Elsa."

Elsa. Elsa? Someone was giving her their name this fast? This easily? Oh, Elsa must have trusted people quite a bit, if that was the case. Though, Anna was able to hear something in Elsa's voice - something so sweet, but mature - that was slowly breaking Anna's flimsy walls down.

Her eyes had quickly averted to the hand reaching for her own to shake. Only, as if unknowingly, Anna took that hand and shook it. It was a short gesture, but it was a welcoming one… and a very pleasant one when she felt chills riding down her spine at the touch of Elsa's cool skin. "I-I'm Anna."

"Anna, I'm sorry, maybe I'm a little too forward," was Elsa's apologetic response.

Anna shook her head, taking her hand back. She was never really timid. She was just… weak. For the entirety of their time together, Anna hadn't once taken a detailed look at the woman - merely, mostly staring at her own lap. It took courage to look at someone - anyone - because deep down she felt shame in knowing the fact that her whole face and body showed signs of her addiction. Eyes would crawl all over her, taunting whispers would shame her, so all she could ever do was put her head down.

"Anna," Elsa started, clasping her thin fingers in a hold, "I recognize you. Do you come here often?"

Anna stayed quiet.

"How old are you?"

"Nineteen… turning twenty in two weeks."

"I know there's a university close by. Is that where you go to school?"

Anna twitched, eyebrows scrunched together in annoyance. "Yes," she answered, still. Self-control was never Anna's strongest suit.

"Really?" Elsa's pitched voice sounded of surprise. "You know I used to go there. But I'm now in business school and I have an internship in an interior design company, Weselton Corp. I don't know if you've heard of it, but… it's a small company."

The silence continued resumed like a disease.

"Anna," she sighed, eyeing the table, "back in college, back when I was barely twenty-one, I used to help people. I used to help people come to terms with their sexuality. I prevented suicides. Hurt. I comforted people. Counseling… well, I wouldn't call it counseling. It was never my specialty, but talking - while I never liked talking - I was also very good at."

At that, Anna merely tensed and picked her head up. She wasn't sure if she was still here just out of pure interests, needing help, or if this Elsa girl had gone a little coo-coo in the head. Counseling? Anna didn't need to seek for counseling, didn't need any help, so how dare that stranger implied that she needed the help?

Still, as much as Anna wanted to stand right up and away, she sat where she was like a child on a leash, and listened. She had always kept one saying in mind, and all she would ever do was at least keep an open mind before deciding what she wanted to do, no matter how desperately she wanted to ever say 'yes' or 'no'. In a situation like this, she desperately wanted to pound at the 'no' button so that Elsa wouldn't be able to get too personal.

Hearing only impeding silence respond to Anna, the girl bit her lip in serious contemplation. "I… w-what are you implying?"

Elsa's gentle smile was completely glued to her thin face. "I'm not implying anything. My intention? Well… it's yours to decide what my intentions are. I simply wanted to talk."

"I have a girlfriend."

Promptly, Elsa's blue eyes drenched in sternness. "Do you want to talk about it -"

"Look, I-I don't know you or… w-what the hell you want from me, but t-this… this is all very personal and you're i-invading my -"

"I don't want to invade your privacy. In all honesty…" Elsa continued. "Seeing you around, and after that fiasco with the cashier… I thought we could be friends, no?"

"... Friends?"

"Unless… you don't want to?" She tilted her head. "It's quite okay if you don't want to. I thought you needed someone to talk to - and I thought wrong. I apologize."

The way Elsa's expression drop, looking almost like a sad little puppy, not only made Anna feel guilty, but she was almost completely rid of any suspicion. And quite frankly, while Anna wasn't the best at sentimentality or trying to comfort anyone, but did she even have a choice? A woman, tall and beautiful, paid for her food and even entertained her for a bit even if it was unneeded. What did she get in return? Anna yelling at her in refusal, that's what.

Huffing a silent breath, as awkward as it was for Anna, she scratched the back of her neck. She immediately became aware of how much her legs were bobbing up and down on the ground and stopped. For the longest time, she hadn't even figured out the fact that her heart was anxiously drumming against her ribs. Sure, a small conversation between two people wasn't that special, but Anna hadn't really had a conversation with a stranger who was seemingly so eager to be her friend.

"I'm… sorry," she uttered in reply.

Elsa shook her head. "No, it's… I thought wrong. I'm the one who should be sorry."

"N-No, I… I just…" Calm down. "I've had a bit of trouble… that's why. I didn't want to interact with a lot of people. I'm sorry if… I gave you the wrong impression."

"Oh, well, I would just say you gave me a different kind of impression. I didn't think you were this timid."

"I'm not," she retorted. "Or… I don't think I am."

Diamond-looking eyes traveled to Anna's hands, and although, Anna was fully aware of how Elsa was looking at her - in such distance and worry - the redhead barely reacted.

"Are you troubled, Anna?" was Elsa's question.

Oh, how could she even begin? If Anna refused to answer, Elsa was never going to let it go. These questions that woman was asking her couldn't have appeared out of nowhere, and Anna was fully aware that she was showing signs of her own addiction. What could she do? Stop? No, it was near impossible.

In deep thinking, and hopefully, with a start of a peaceful state of mind, Anna sighed. Her pounding heart had grown quiet, only to begin weighing like the world depended on her. Her throat ran dry, unspoken words soaking up every little bit of moisture in there, and it was almost like they were all just pleading to come out.

She witnessed Elsa tilting her head, her face much more serious, but still, this wasn't at all comforting to Anna. Knitting her fingers together tightly, Anna wondered if what her heart wanted was really true - that she didn't need any help.

In any case… how could she say anything without feeling embarrassment or shame? With that in mind, she shook her head. "No… nothing's wrong."

"Hm," was a reply next, "well, I'm not the type to pry something out of someone. I'm not a detective. But I can be a friend."

"Right." Anna took a sip of her coffee. "Thank you… for paying for my coffee."

Elsa chortled, palm propped against her chin, and she turned to daze towards the window. The people on the streets surely were having a busy day, but in the end, it was a warm and a lovely spring afternoon. "I help people as often as I can. You did amuse me though."

Anna couldn't help but pull out a smile. "I… don't often do that to people. Only when I have to."

"And caught me by surprise as well. A pleasant surprise. Every day… it's always the same old, but seeing something like that - you being feisty - can quickly make a day better."

That smile turned into a fitting giggle, and it was almost like Anna had lost all the sensations and side-effects of the drugs she had ingested just yesterday. Still, the moment she realized she was giggling - oh, the horror of it - she promptly stopped. Her smile didn't lose attraction though, and Anna continued to wear it well. "Yeah, I… I guess, I am… that kind of person. I think."

"Well, you should know it, yourself." Elsa mirrored her expression back, twinkling eyes lowering to Anna's hands once more. "I know you don't want to talk about it, but whatever it is that's making you tremble like that… and I know I'm just a nobody, I just want to say this: it gets better."

Feeling more self-conscious now, Anna simply tried to hide her shock by looking away like a child. And she was a child - trying to numb herself with whatever that would work whenever she could because her parents' passing was such a valid reason to do so. But if she was expected to act like an adult and try to get over something that she knew she couldn't - not as fast as anyone else anyway - she had headed to the wrong path. And while nobody cared for her… this stranger was - as if Elsa could see through all her acts in just a few glances between them.

Embarrassment and shame shifted to acceptance after a while, and Anna nodded in reluctance to show appreciation. "Thank you," was her response, as softly-spoken as it was.

Elsa shook her head. "It's the right thing to do. Are you in a hurry to leave?"

She swore she saw a slight disappointment in Elsa's gleaming eyes, and while Anna wanted to stay a little longer, she had people to meet. Things to do. Things… she knew she shouldn't be doing.

Slowly, she stood up with her coffee in hand. "Yeah."

"Here, take the muffin too."

"I'll take half -"

"No. Please, take it. You should eat a bit." Elsa handed it to her. "Also… here," she reached into her pocket to pull out her wallet… only to give Anna two twenty dollar bills.

"Elsa, you don't have to -"

"It's alright. Take it. I help people, remember?"

How could Anna refuse when she was staring right at the satisfaction and relief in Elsa's face? The fact was… she realized just having to have someone here that needed help and learning that Elsa could provide it could give the blonde such a rush. And while Anna knew she shouldn't care so much about how people think, she couldn't just destroy what was in front of her by a single 'no'.

Slowly taking both objects in hand, she pursed her lips together in consideration. "Will you… be here tomorrow?"

Elsa responded with a curious tilt of her head. "Why?"

"I…" What? What the hell do you want to do, Anna? "I… want to be your friend. I want to talk."

And while the silence between them drew, while all Elsa was doing was staring at her in surprise, Anna could see the waves upon waves of relief and happiness gleamed on Elsa's preciously snowy skin.

"Of course, I'll be here tomorrow."

If there was a feeling to describe how complex Anna was feeling, she'd gladly take the word for it. A series of guilt, happiness, relief, and great sorrow swooped her off her feet, and never before had Anna ever decided that she didn't have to decide which emotion was the most dominant. Altogether, it seemed like they had mixed themselves well within Anna in just a short while. However, she knew she shouldn't be feeling so complicated. What more could she want?

Standing against the wall of Elsa's office, her eyes followed all the motions and movements of the older woman's awkward shuffling of her feet and the fingers that dusted every part of the surface of the room in awe. Well, perhaps, it wasn't awe that Anna was seeing, but it was pure joy. Pure joy… that Anna had never seen glistening in Elsa's eyes.

She observed how Elsa carefully walked to her wooden desk, her fingers running to just feel the plane of it until she had just managed to stand right behind her leather chair. The sight of it was so familiar - her girlfriend standing or sitting there in all her glory as she did her best work. Except… that girlfriend wasn't there anymore, and Anna continued to mourn about it.

"So? How is it?" Anna first started. It was hard to hide the heartbreak in her own voice and eyes, but this was the very best she could do. At least, as a distraction, she was able to ask about Elsa's interest in everything.

Elsa's smile, while looking as beautiful as always, felt the most foreign. In silence, her eyes wandered once more, looking around at all the bookshelves stacked against the wall - one with just purely books, another filled with binders and paperwork, and another smaller shelf served as a collection of small building sculptures. "I couldn't imagine what I had done... It's… all so surreal."

"Yeah?" Anna strolled towards one of the shelves and pulled out a textbook. "You should probably read a bit if you're interested. I mean, you also written on these books so… you'll get to see your notes."

"May I?" She stretched her hand.

"Here." In response, Anna handed her a lighter book - a few years old - titled, 'Interior Designs for Dummies'.

While watching Elsa flip through the pages, all Anna could ever see was the concentration on her face that Elsa used to have. Once upon a time, every time Anna would come to her office, those same eyes would be glaring at binders, books, or even her computer without distraction - and it was always Anna that had to break that distraction how ever she could. How ever she wanted.

She wasn't used to seeing the confusion on Elsa's face. She wasn't used to seeing Elsa look at something with such… interest. Almost like she had just started interior designing. Like Elsa had just found out what she wanted to do. Oddly enough, though, it hurt.

Anna placed a hand against her chest, pursing her lips in a tight line because she just didn't want to be seen crying by the only woman that should have been loving her. Proposing to her. Talking about their future together… talking about the family they would have.

Pages continued to flip, and through a certain one, Elsa started to laugh. Does she always laugh like that?

"What's so funny?" Anna questioned.

Promptly, Elsa flipped the book page towards Anna. "Do you see this?"

Curious, Anna tilted her head. There was nothing but scribbles of notes and printed words on it she just couldn't quite understand. "It's just… notes. Neat notes."

"Exactly. I guess I didn't change so much. I write very vigorously. Well, wrote, I suppose. So many notes… different highlights, many of the words completely incomprehensible because I was in such a rush to get things done. Though," Elsa flipped the book back to herself, "it does seem like I've changed my habit and finally decided to take my time on things."

Anna's face could hardly fall any more than it had. "I never knew."

The woman shook her head. "It's the little things. You wouldn't know - only I would."

As harsh as it had sounded, Anna knew that was right. She had only know Elsa for two years, and nearly two years and a half, what could she have known about the little habits of someone who had just started doing interior designing? All she knew was the concentration that Elsa would have, the satisfied smile when she had gotten something done, the quietness… the peacefulness…

She never really knew who Elsa was before the two years that they had been together. Sure, Elsa would have been the same person as a twenty-one-year-old or a twenty-two-year-old compared to the person she knew before at an older age, but a teenager? A mind of a seventeen-year-old teenager in a twenty-five-year-old woman's body? Anything could happen. Anything could be different, and Anna thoroughly despised it.

But if she ever loved Elsa, she would learn to love it, no matter how different everything had come to be. Right now… she just couldn't.

Of course, she shouldn't be thinking so negatively. Elsa was learning about herself… and that was great, because then, eventually, Elsa would be back to her old self again.

Sighing, she smiled, dropping her hand on Elsa's. "Do you want to see your paintings?"

Immediately, Elsa's eyes widened. "Paintings… I… I was not too great at it, I wasn't terrible either but -"

"Come on, I'll show you," she walked towards one of the closets in the room and dragged out the heaviest cardboard box, "I think you've improved a lot. You always do it in your free time right?"

From behind, she heard the little taps of the crutches meeting the floor getting closer. "Yes. Have I commissioned many?"

"Well, some you have," she grunted, and with one last pull, she had gotten every big and small canvas out - some even framed. "A lot of them were worth hundreds. Thousands, even."

"Many bought them?"

"Donated. Charity of your choosing," Anna huffed. "Be my guest -" Oh shit. The girl immediately started tensing when she realized there was one piece in there, framed in black and glass, stood out to her. Luckily, the piece was leaning right behind all of the rest, but Anna definitely recognized the colorful auburn… of her own hair… peeking out from the painting. "W-Wait!"

Flushed - and even trying her best not to show her shame and embarrassment - Anna stood right in front of the box.

Naturally, Elsa was looking at her with wide eyes. "What's wrong? Am I not allowed to look?"

She swallowed. "Uh… you will. Just… c-can you close your eyes just for ten seconds. Just ten."

"Why?"

Damn it. "I got something in there myself that… you don't want to see."

Elsa was hauntingly quiet for a moment until a small nod responded to her. Suspicion turned into acceptance, and there Elsa was, smiling at her. "Do you have something to hide?"

The girl quickly avoided her amused gaze, but as if that was going to help her answer Elsa's question. "U-Uh… a-a little?"

"What is it?" She squinted. "Is it porn?"

Oh my god. Trying to back up, Anna nearly tripped over the heavy box. "J-Just, uh, just close your eyes, Elsa."

Anna was barely able to avoid eye contact with her. If anything, this was one of those moments where Anna wasn't that glad to know that Elsa still had a busy body feature to her.

After a long dreaded silence, Elsa finally did what was asked of her with a sigh. "You don't really have to be so stingy about it - it's just porn. Everybody watches that."

Yeah, right. She took the opportunity to quickly pull the painting out, run to her bedroom, and hide the damn thing in her own closet. And perhaps, it wasn't the greatest place to hide it, but it was a place that was kept away from Elsa's sight. Anna didn't even have to even look at it to know what kind of painting it was… and how Elsa just loved to paint her girlfriend once upon a time.

Huffing, she came back to the office to see Elsa still had her eyes closed in the middle of the room. "You can open your eyes now."

"You're not going to tell me what you had there right?"

"Nope."

"Stingy."

Anna rolled her eyes. "Get over it." She wasn't sure what she expected when Elsa did open her eyes and began rummaging through the paintings with care. And luckily, the embarrassed flush shown on Anna's cheeks was nearly gone, and could easily have been mistaken for just the heat of the room. While Elsa was casually looking through her own art pieces, there was a reminder… just a small reminder to herself that Anna had to teach her all the things that she knew about Elsa once upon a time.

Of course, all Anna could see right in front of her, wasn't that girlfriend she had once known, but an innocent little girl who had no idea who Anna meant to her. Those paintings… had always shown Elsa's growth as an adult, but right now, she wouldn't understand. Bundles of flowers became gardens… a single skyscraper became a city… an innocence of a person was painted nude and sensual.

Basking into space, Anna waited in patience and in thought, listening to Elsa hum and laugh in awe. Each time, Elsa had flipped a painting over, she would have something to say as an observation. Anna never knew that woman could be so talkative. "I'm glad you're liking it so far."

Elsa still busied herself, until all at once, she paused, looking at the last portrait - seemingly just a piece of paper. Her eyebrows furrowed once she had picked it up, her smiling lips melted into a frown, and her blue eyes quickly shifted to Anna in shock. "Anna, I… sketched you?"

What? The woman blinked in curiosity and confusion. She was never aware of another painting or a drawing of her than the one she had put away. "What are you talking about?"

Elsa quickly flipped the paper over, showing a small pencil sketch of Anna sleeping on her side in bed peacefully. Even without taking another glance, the sketch perfectly captured the freckles beautifully dotted on the paper, the emptiness of the top half of the small canvas representing the sunlight that basked onto Anna's cheeks and how it bounced off Anna's delicate hair. On the lower right-hand corner was Elsa's signature, and a word that titled 'Anna' below it.

She froze in her spot, unable to take her frantic eyes off the sketch… unable to even answer Elsa's questions because she never knew. Crossing her arms, Anna tightly wrapped her fingers around her elbows to prevent any distracting trembles. Control yourself, Anna.

"I drew you... did you know?"

Instead of shaking her head, after a short pause, all Anna did was laugh. A rather fake laugh, but she hoped Elsa wouldn't notice. "Oh, yeah, I knew," she disregarded. "You do that all the time."

"It looked like you were sleeping -"

"Pretending to," she quickly replied. "I was pretending to. You took a picture of me. Sketched me afterward."

That got Elsa to shut up, her eyes gazing back at the sketch. "I see. I didn't know I was such a big fan of drawing people." You weren't. "You know, it was clamped behind this painting." She pointed at the biggest one.

Oh, Anna just wished she would just stop. "Was it? I didn't know. Anyway, uh…" The redhead looked away, sniffling, tears threatening to form. It seemed like Elsa wasn't going to let go of the topic, and Anna really didn't wait it to stay that way. "Do you want to… shower? D-Do anything else? You can look around in a bit later, but… I'm a little tired from today."

"Sure." The wavering in Elsa's voice showed uncertainty, but the woman took her time to stand with the help of the crutches. "Um… Anna, if you don't mind me asking… are you acting like this because of me?"

"What?"

"You always look so… sad. But you try not to be."

Gods, she got found out so fast, Anna could have believed she had developed a migraine from it. Though, still determined to keep their relationship a secret, Anna shook her head. "Nah, it's nothing. Here," she hooked her arm around Elsa's as a guide, "I'll make you a bath, cook dinner tonight… and then maybe, I'll tell you more about the things we do together."

"You're not… lying to me, are you?"

"Of course not, silly. I'm just a bit tired, but we can do something else later if you're up for it."

"May I go to the office again? Library? I… want to learn more about my job. Or… maybe I can go back to college."

Anna chuckled, "Maybe. But library… bookstore, and then, we can discuss college. Not in the near future though."

a/n: did anything happen in this chapter? idk, yall tell me :)