Carrie Lam was forced to give a damage-control press conference on Tuesday morning after audio leaked of her saying in a private meeting last week that she would step down as Hong Kong’s chief executive if she had a choice in the matter.

Lam did not deny the authenticity of the recording, instead telling reporters that it was her choice not to have a choice.

“I have never tendered resignation to the Central People’s Government. I have not even contemplated to discuss a resignation with the Central People’s Government,” she said. “The choice of not resigning is my own choice. But I told myself repeatedly in the last three months that I and my team should stay on to help Hong Kong.”

Lam went on to express her “disappointment” on how her remarks in a private meeting had been leaked to the media. Reportedly, the audio comes from a gathering last week between Carrie Lam and her old friends and classmates at the Hong Kong Club, a prestigious, colonial club founded by the British in 1846.

At a closed-door meeting, Hong Kong's Chief Executive Carrie Lam expresses deep regrets about her push to pass the extradition bill, according to an audio recording reviewed by @Reuters. Read the @specialreports: https://t.co/I5T1VoGHxh by @GregTorode @jamespomfret @a_roantree pic.twitter.com/vVCZQkUBhV — Reuters Top News (@Reuters) September 2, 2019

In the audio, Lam sounded apologetic, defeated, and powerless, explaining that Beijing was running the response to the demonstrations and that she had “very, very, very limited” political room for maneuvering. She added that Beijing is willing to play the long game and has no deadlines for putting an end to the protests.

“For a chief executive to have caused this huge havoc to Hong Kong is unforgivable,” she said about her own role in the conflict, explaining how she feels she can no longer go to the hair salon for fear of the angry crowds.