Tracy Morgan sat down with Matt Lauer on Monday’s TODAY show, the comedian’s first interview since a deadly crash last June that left Morgan critically injured and took the life of his friend, comic James McNair.

“Bones heal, but the loss of my friend will never heal,” Morgan said during the emotional interview. The 30 Rock star revealed that he would often watch YouTube videos of the crash as well as McNair’s funeral. “I had to know what happened to my friend, I had to pay my respects,” he said. “That was my way.”

Last week, Morgan settled his lawsuit against Walmart, as one of the company’s truck drivers crashed into Morgan’s limo on June 7, 2014, causing the accident.

“The case is settled, but the pain is always going to be there,” Morgan told Lauer.

The 46-year-old hasn’t performed since the crash, but said that he will return to the stage and screen once he’s feeling better.