Abbott Koloff, and Andrew Wyrich

NorthJersey

Policies from North Jersey high schools regarding transgender students vary widely

47 of 62 North Jersey high school districts have transgender student policies in place

10 North Jersey high school districts provide some form of privacy for transgender students from parents

Almost 50 North Jersey high school districts quietly passed policies during the past few years spelling out the rights of transgender students, from what bathrooms they can use to the pronouns and names used to describe the student to the definitions of terms such as "gender expression."

The process has continued unabated and often without a great deal of public attention, even as a national debate over the issue raged in recent months and the federal government issued mandates.

Through a months-long examination of public records, The Record found that 47 of 62 North Jersey high school districts had transgender policies in place — and that transgender policies were already commonplace prior to a May letter issued by federal justice and education officials laying out requirements for schools to accommodate transgender students.

But in the absence of state guidelines, there are vast differences among the region’s policies – particularly when it comes to one of the issue’s most sensitive questions: Should districts inform parents when their children come out as transgender at school?

Most policies reviewed by The Record require such notification, but 10 provide some privacy for transgender students even from parents, in some cases requiring the student’s permission to call the home. Some experts said this was an important safety provision, given high suicide and homelessness rates among transgender children whose families didn’t support them.

The fear of rejection often is so strong among transgender students that even those who are close to their parents said they were anxious when they came out.

Gio Leotsakas, 16, of Wayne said he wrote a letter to his mother to tell her he was not her daughter but her son, and was so nervous after reading about transgender children being thrown out of their homes that he packed a bag as a precaution. Another transgender boy, Jonah Elgamal, 15, whose family is Muslim and who lived until recently in West Milford, said he was “freaking out” when he came out as transgender because he could not imagine going through the pain of hiding his real self any longer.

►Growing up transgender: North Jersey kids tell of unease, bullying, acceptance

In both cases, the boys said they had been embraced not only by family but also by school officials, who began calling them by their new names and allowing them to use restrooms and locker rooms based on their gender identity.

“They gave me so much more than I expected,” Gio said of officials at Wayne Hills High School, adding that their response made him so happy that he "wanted to cry so bad."

Jonah said he was “lucky and grateful” for the way he was treated at West Milford’s Highlander Academy, and that his father’s family, including a grandmother who lives in Egypt, immediately accepted him as a boy. He explained it this way: “The Koran doesn’t say anything about being born in the wrong body.”

Both boys said they knew that not every transgender child got as much support as they did, and that they had read about children committing suicide or becoming homeless after being rejected by their families. Those stories are at the heart of what some experts said is the most pressing question related to transgender policies: parental notification.

“We don’t want schools to be in the business of outing students,” said Aaron Potenza of Garden State Equality, an advocacy group for people who are gay or transgender, citing “high incidences of family abandonment” for LGBT children.

That issue was the focus of a fierce debate when Pascack Valley Regional High School officials adopted a policy in April amid threat of a lawsuit by a conservative Christian legal group. While some of those opposed to the policy cited religious concerns, others said their biggest issue was its requirement for a student’s consent to call parents.

Holly Schepisi, a Republican assemblywoman, spoke against the policy in the spring, citing her concerns about lack of parental involvement. In a recent interview, she said that students struggling with gender identity needed the support of their families, but that exceptions should be made in cases where a family did not accept a student’s gender identity.

“That is what family units are supposed to be there for: to guide children through those difficult times,” Schepisi said. “If there are any real concerns where a child says to a teacher or guidance counselor, ‘My parents will never accept me this way and I’m fearful for what will happen to me at home,’ then I understand case-by-case scenarios where parents wouldn’t participate in decisions such as this.”

Most of the North Jersey policies appear to have been adopted with little public scrutiny, with districts often approving them as part of a consent agenda, in which school boards take one vote to adopt a larger group of policies. All but a handful of the transgender policies were adopted with unanimous votes, and all but six were approved prior to the federal government’s May letter.

The transgender policies remained so far off the radar last year that Governor Christie seemed unaware of them as he campaigned in New Hampshire and was asked about California transgender policies. CNN reported that Christie said New Jersey had no such issues. His office recently declined to elaborate.

“Men go to men's rooms, women go to women's rooms, and there really shouldn't be a whole lot of confusion about that – public accommodations,” Christie said in December, according to CNN. “And I don't think we should be making life more confusing for our children.”

By then, more than two dozen North Jersey schools had adopted transgender policies, with the first being approved in 2013.

The following year, the U.S. Department of Education said transgender students were protected under Title IX, a federal law prohibiting discrimination on the basis of sex. The U.S. Justice and Education departments issued more specific guidelines in May, saying that transgender students must be treated the same as other students of the same gender identity and framing the matter as a civil rights issue. Experts said schools could lose federal money if they did not comply. More than 20 states – New Jersey is not among them – are opposing the guidelines in pending lawsuits.

It is unclear what impact the election of Donald Trump as president will have on the issue, particularly in New Jersey – where some school officials have said their policies are an extension of state civil rights laws. Trump, earlier this year, was critical of a North Carolina law barring transgender people from using restrooms based on their gender identity, saying that people should “use the bathroom they feel is appropriate.” He later said the matter should be decided by states and not the federal government.

Most transgender policies reviewed by The Record are based on a model written by Strauss Esmay, a New Jersey company that specializes in creating school policies. But the policies diverge in significant ways.

For example, 28 districts list transgender students’ rights, including restroom use, in some detail, while 19 simply list issues to be discussed on a case-by-case basis, without specifying the rights.

None of the policies go into detail about what happens when students come out as transgender and their parents disapprove, saying only that school officials would hold a meeting with families. A study by the City University of New York recently found that the risk of suicide triples for transgender people who experience a “high level” of rejection from their families.

Philip Nicastro, of Strauss Esmay, said parental consent might be a more significant issue than parental notification. Once students come out at school, he said, their parents are likely to find out from another student’s parents regardless of whether the school calls them. But he said there was no clear guidance from government officials about what should happen next when the transgender student’s parents object. The issue was not mentioned in May’s letter from the federal government.

“The letter is silent about non-consenting parents,” Nicastro said. “New Jersey is silent. Nobody wants to touch it.”

The Record asked North Jersey superintendents via email how they would handle it if a parent disagreed with a student’s gender identity. Only a handful of districts responded, and typically said they would consult their attorneys in such cases.

Gio and Jonah, both of whom talked to The Record with the permission of their parents, said parental notification requirements might put some students in danger or hinder them from expressing their true selves. The districts where they came out, West Milford and Wayne, both have parental notification requirements.

“For some kids, it’s not safe to come out at home,” said Jonah, who now lives with his family in another part of the state. He said he was unaware that West Milford, which adopted its policy in August, did not have one at the time he came out. Acceptance by school and family, he said, helped him “to be myself” and eased his anxiety and depression.

Gio, who plans to wrestle at Wayne Hills this year, said he was nervous when he and his mother met with school officials last year, and he was ecstatic when they offered him everything he wanted. But he said there were situations where parents should not be notified: “If home is hard to deal with, school should be a safe place.”

His mother, Nancy Leotsakas, said she didn’t initially know the meaning of the word "transgender" and blamed herself for Gio’s depression before he came out. Now, she said, she realizes he was angry because he was unable to express himself. He’s now “happy all the time,” she said, adding that she understood why some schools don’t contact parents.

“I would want my child to feel secure somewhere if they don’t feel safe at home,” Leotsakas said. “If you love them, that’s what you want for them.”

Kim Barron, Mahwah’s school board president, said she voted against her district’s policy last year, even though it required parents to be notified, because she believed it lacked clarity in at least two areas.

She said she was concerned about the privacy rights of students who are not transgender, and how schools would accommodate them if they wanted to use a private restroom facility. She also said she was concerned about what would happen when parents disagree with a student about his or her gender identity.

The Mahwah district’s policy, like most others, does not specify whether the school would side with the student or the parent.

“I don’t think it’s the school’s place to decide,” Barron said. “It’s up to the parents.”

Potenza said he knew of two districts in the state that had accommodated transgender students even against the wishes of parents. But at least one North Jersey district recently sided with parents against a student before the parents eventually changed their minds, he said. (Potenza did not identify the districts.) When children come out, he said, it is not unusual for parents to react negatively at first before learning more about the issue and accepting them.

Stuart Green, director of the New Jersey Coalition for Bullying Awareness, said transgender students faced the risk of being thrown out of the home in some cases, and said “schools should stand up even in the face of enmity of the parents.”

Robyn Gigl, an attorney and a transgender woman, said schools were placed in a “difficult dilemma” when parents disagreed but added that “a school would be within its rights if it accommodated a child.”

Maureen Weir, principal of Wayne Hills, said her school would encourage transgender students to talk to their parents and that counselors would be supportive. “The ultimate goal would be to bridge it somehow,” Weir said of cases where parents do not agree, adding that she had not encountered such a situation. “Your goal is always to support the family.”

It is less clear what districts without policies are doing to accommodate transgender students. Nicastro said he believed they were following the May guidelines. But he said some superintendents might be hesitant to press the issue with a written policy because the subject could be controversial.

“I get calls from superintendents saying boards don’t want to adopt policies,” Nicastro said.

The Record asked 15 North Jersey districts that don’t have policies to specify how they accommodate transgender students. Just two of the districts – Glen Rock and Northern Valley – acknowledged allowing transgender students to use restroom and other facilities based on their gender identity, among other accommodations.

If there is confusion in New Jersey, some experts said, it stems from a lack of guidance from the state Department of Education, which has suggested that districts consider adopting policies but has no plans to recommend guidelines.

This contrasts with at least 10 states that offer some guidance for their schools, according to Garden State Equality. New York, for example, suggests that school officials consult the transgender student before talking to parents, because of “safety concerns.” It also recommends a fairly simple solution to privacy issues in locker rooms: curtains.

The association that oversees high school sports in New Jersey plans to revisit requirements that transgender athletes provide legal documents or doctors’ notes in order to play on teams based on their gender identities, an attorney for the organization said in a recent interview.

The New Jersey State Interscholastic Athletic Association is expected to reexamine its policy for transgender athletes this school year in light of a letter that appears to bar such requirements, which the federal government sent to schools nationwide in May.

“Given the mandates, we’re going to look at it to see if we need to change it,” Steven Goodell, an attorney for the association, said of the policy in an interview last month.

The association’s policy, which has been in place for six years, requires transgender students to provide records or doctors’ letters as proof of their gender identity.

The federal government, in the May letter, said that no medical diagnosis was needed and that requiring transgender students to provide documentation might violate Title IX, a federal law prohibiting discrimination on the basis of sex.

Transgender students “often are unable to obtain identification documents that reflect their gender identity,” federal officials wrote.

Goodell said the association’s requirements were meant to be guidelines for schools, and that it was up to school officials to determine the gender identity of students for the purpose of playing sports. But while the association said it deferred to schools, schools appear to defer to the association. North Jersey school district policies spelling out the rights of transgender students often refer to the association’s rules as governing participation in athletics.

The association’s transgender policy was among the first in the nation for high school sports, Goodell said. Only a “handful” of districts have asked about it over the past six years, he said, and the association has no way of knowing how many transgender students are participating in athletics across the state. The policy was created when a Burlington County district, which he did not identify, told the association that a transgender girl wanted to play field hockey.

“I don’t know whether the student played or not,” Goodell said.

Robyn Gigl, an attorney and advocate for people who are transgender, said the policy was “courageous” because it was groundbreaking when it was implemented. She said she believed it had been created because of a concern that some high school boys would attempt to play on girls’ teams to gain a competitive advantage. But, she added, there are no known cases of that occurring, and such fears are “not based on reality at all.”

The association’s policy calls for students to provide documents that “demonstrate legal recognition of the student’s reassigned sex,” like a birth certificate, driver’s license or passport. Without such documentation, students are asked to have a physician certify that they have had “appropriate clinical treatment for transition to the reassigned sex” or are “in the process of transition.”

Experts said people who are transgender often socially transition to their gender identity without medical treatment – and that is almost always the case for high school students. Gigl said it was virtually impossible for high school students to obtain some documents, like a birth certificate showing a change of gender, and difficult to obtain others.

When the policy was written, Goodell said, the idea was to have “a liberal standard of proof” to determine gender identity and that “back then, the concept was novel.”

Societal views on the subject have changed, he said, and it is now generally understood that transgender students are expressing “an honest reflection of who they are.”

The association’s policy also allows any school to appeal the eligibility of a transgender student “on the grounds that the student’s participation in interscholastic athletics would adversely affect competition or safety.” The association said no school had made such an appeal.

Gigl said the appeals process would be “fraught with danger,” since it could require examining a student’s confidential record. “Who’s going to make that decision, and how would it be made?” she said. “Who has the right to go into the records?”

Goodell said an appeal would be heard by a committee and kept confidential, and would take place only “if there is a legitimate issue about safety.”

Email: koloff@northjersey.com; wyrich@northjersey.com