Welcome to the first annual Rob (and Anne) Complains About Things (other than their baby) Baby Pool.

CLICK HERE to submit your entry to the baby pool. It only takes a minute to enter, but by doing so, you will receive 15 seconds of entertainment.

If you like to read the “fine print” then the rest of this post is just for you!

The Rules are as follows:

One entry per person (no purchase necessary). The winner will be the person who submits the best entry form. Because the answers to some of the questions will not be finalized for many many years, this will be a somewhat arbitrary process. In other words, the person who does the best on picking the gender/DOB/weight/height/Apgar score/Rob Pass out/name will win. In the event of a tie, all prize money will be donated to charity (Baby’s college fund). People who have provided interviews to this blog about parenting are all already winners in my mind! But if they do win the contest, their prizes will be as follows: If Andy wins, the prize will be one pair of Hank and Jojo socks. If Ryan wins, the prize will be a weekly guest spot on my blog. If Suburban Mom wins, the prize will be extra blog traffic for my blog. She wins! Anne is not allowed to enter. Not for any specific reason, but it would really crush my spirits if she did better than I did in this pool. These rules don’t matter because, as you’re about to see, the prizes are all really shitty. If you still want to enter, here’s what you could win:



First Prize:

Have the baby named after you (redeemable only if the winning entry has the same name as we were going to pick for the kid anyway).

A custom stick figure drawing.

An autographed photo of me passed out in the delivery room. If I don’t pass out, an autographed photo of placenta.

A blog post all about you.

Three unused Rob Complains About Things Stamps (cash value $1.38)

Second Prize:

A slightly shittier custom stick figure drawing.

An autographed photo of me doing yoga.

A blog post all about someone else but mentioning you.

Two unused Rob Complains About Things Stamps (cash value $0.92)

Third Prize:

Yeah, right. Like I’m going to give a prize to someone who couldn’t even make the top two. You suck!

$3 cash

One unused Rob Complains About Things Stamp

Last Place:

You will be mocked relentlessly by me. Unless I finish last, in which case the scores will be manipulated in such a way as to make it seem like someone else finished last.

Good luck to all participants. I am ineligible for any prizes (except first or second prize), but I will submit an entry to crush you all with my inside information.

Thanks for participating. Here’s the link again in case I f*cked up the one I posted at the beginning:

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1d_cPSTVFTNRR4CijYDsD3nNlojriX6UL1oX-zXviuXU/viewform