The New Transportation Security Administration

Everyone knows that the TSA is a parasitic band of thugs, but if you point it out, the terrirists(sic) will win!

To clarify its mission to a confused and bewildered public, the TSA has unveiled a rebranding effort that should appease the mobs of outraged citizens that dare point out that the emperor is as naked as if he lived inside a Rapescan(sic) machine.

The new TSA emblem and mascot:

The new official TSA motto will be:

“We give hand-jobs to the world.”

And will be accompanied by a series of new slogans:

“Can’t see London, can’t see France, unless we see your underpants.”

“Grope discounts available.”

“If we did our job any better we’d have to buy you dinner first.”

“Only we know if Lady Gaga is really a lady.”

“Don’t worry, my hands are still warm from the last guy.”

“Wanna fly? Drop your fly.”

“We are now free to move about your underpants.”

“It’s not a grope. It is a Freedom Pat!”

“When in doubt, we make you whip it out.”

“TSA: Touchin', Squeezin', Arrestin'.”

“You were ** a virgin.”

** a virgin.” “We handle more packages than the USPS.”

“We are making air travel a touching experience.”

“Your naked photos are safe with us.”

“If you don’t let us touch your boobs, we’ll have you arrested.”

“Grabbing Security by the Balls!”

The Department of Homeland Security has also published a very informational book to help educate small children about the essential importance of the agency’s mission:

The TSA offers you choice:

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