Dear Tom,

You are a true OG.

You would not have banned crypto currency ads on your social network. Instead, you would have let us listen to “Lambo Land” as we validated our relationships by ranking them in order on our Myspace page.

You would have featured any ICO flashing in bright neon next to our selfies that we took in front of bathroom mirrors with real cameras that were not attached to our phones.

You would not have responded to one of the most heinous abuses of data-sharing by giving a disgenuine, tokenistic apology. No, Tom, you would have kept it real. After all, all you wanted was to be our friend.

That’s because you, Tom, are more of a savage than Mark Zuckerberg could ever be.

For instance, let us recall the time you told someone off on Twitter and they had since deleted their account out of embarassment:

Tom was a Straight Savage

DAMN. Drops mic.

The biggest drop-mic moment Mark Zuckerberg ever had was when he told Eduardo Saverin, fellow co-founder of Facebook, that he was going to f*^k the Winklessvoss Twins in the ear.

What would that even look like?

Then, Zuck got married, and to spice things up, he bought a Hungarian Sheep Dog that looks like a mop.

If we were to compare the two of you to a character in a movie:

Zuck would be the director from The Truman Show that exploits a naive Jim Carey. In the movie, every aspect of Jim Carey’s life is filmed and televised, from his commute to work to his family dinners, and Jim Carey has no idea. Meanwhile, the entire world watches every aspect of Jim Carey’s character’s life. Ed Harris’ character, who you would be Zuck, for the record, rakes in all the $$$.

Ed Harris and Paul Giomatti in The Truman Show, Paramount Pictures

You, Tom, on the other hand would be that crazy ass motherfucker that survived in the movie “Get Out.”

You are a true pioneer, Tom, and we want you back, selfishly, even though you rightfully checked out and went into a retirement.

Tom, if you can hear me, we miss you.

Sincerely,

The Internet

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BountBase is a virtual currency marketer & content creator that connects coin development teams to the larger blockchain community. You can follow us on Twitter @BountyBase or go to our website, BountyBase.com.

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