So the things we can take away from the SnK Crack Theories Week are:

Our tale unfolds in candy land, located in the state of California, on the island of Greenland, on the planet Mars, in the first half of the nineteenth century–that is, circa 1960. In a world caught in a 2000-year-long time loop and torn up by the war between the BRA faction and the Outer faction, everyone with the unlucky blood type will become a titan–though that will depend on their mitochondrial DNA–and only the Asians remain safe behind the Great Wall of China. Everyone else is too caught up in the hunt for the perfect coiffure and the mightiest eyebrows.

What not a lot of inhabitants of that world realize is that they’re living in a Beauty and the Beast allegory featuring the Avengers and Ymir Ackerman, who had been a shifter until, for her well-meaning attack on a canned herring factory, she was turned into a mindless titan before the agonized gaze of her brother Grisha who is also her father.

Speaking of Grisha who descends from the royal Jaeger line, it has been proven that he is a renowned bolo tie maker with a brother Twinsha who has very possibly been looking for Grisha inside the walls while Grisha was off being the Beast Titan. It is notable that Grisha is not only the Beast Titan, but also the Beast Titan’s brother. The others who bear the Beast Titan identity are Armin’s grandfather, the Illuminati-sponsored Obi Wan Kenobi and an unidentified ape. Which is not surprising, since apes are the key to the titan mystery.

Meanwhile, over in warrior shifter Neverland the village elder pines after the Beast Titan, who earns his living by starring in commercials and happens to be a relative of Reiner Braun and the father of Annie Leonhardt. Her other father is none other than Dot Pixis. Their warrior homeland is expecting the arrival of shifter Hannes any day now.

In other news, Marco is alive, because Jean has perception difficulties and because Marco is the prince of the conifer trees who happens to also be the reporter Peaure who has gone over to the dark side and someone else died in his stead for reasons of the German language. In surviving Trost, Marco joins fellow trainee Thomas Wagner whose death is clearly inconclusive; meanwhile, Kenny Ackerman is so dead, he never actually existed.

More discoveries:

And that’s a wrap! Thank you to everyone who participated:

battlestar-shiganshina | complaints-and-gifs | i-opened-it-before-christmas | iamthewallrose | generouslycoldstranger | ghostmartyr | inelegantalligator | islandofreil | lindowyn | mikahasa | mirror-chan20 | momtaku | muddkippz |

pinacoladamatata | plot-armored-titan | scout-regiment | subduedfangirl | snkception | teetanjaeger | wolsi | xiphisterna

