Call to keep GCSEs because Baccalaureate ‘too dangerous to say in Welsh’

An independent report is recommending that Wales continues to allow pupils to sit GCSEs, after a respected headmaster was injured trying to pronounce ‘baccalaureate’ in Welsh.

In scenes last witnessed at a now unnamed railway station, throat surgeons fought for two hours to save the vocal chords of the phlegm-drenched victim.

Aled Rees had been trying to explain his opposition to the changes at a School governors’ meeting, when he accidentally attempted to get his lips around the word while distracted by a moth.

“It was horrible”, said ear-witness Myfanwy Jones. “He was doing really well, having choked his way through ‘Chemistry’ and ‘electronic marking technology‘.”

“But then he read out (the word) and that’s the last thing I heard.”

Baccalaureate for Wales

Distortion caused by Rees’ tortured throat are thought to have deafened Jones and several others present, so now all they can hear is a loud whistle and the occasional crackle.

“It’s a matter of safety that we ditch this poorly spelt qualification altogether”, mouthed Jones.

“This ringing noise is worse than talking to someone from Birmingham.”

Rees himself is still hopeful of making a partial recovery, although his family worry about his ongoing quality of life.

“None of us has told him yet, it’s just too hard”, sobbed his wife. “But the doctors have warned us that in future, he might only be able to pronounce English.”