NEW YORK–with tonight’s Republican presidential primary debate facing uncertainty after Donald Trump’s refusal to participate, GOP Chairman Reince Priebus today suggested an alternative format, “which will consist of people just lining up and then getting to punch Ted Cruz in the face.”

Priebus outlined the proposed approach in an impromptu forty-minute press conference here, most of which consisted of him describing in loving detail what it would be like to punch Ted Cruz in the face.

“And we’ll let anyone in. Other candidates, their families, kids, anyone. A line out the back of the auditorium. And Ted getting punched over, and over, and over,” concluded Priebus, repeating “and over” an additional sixty times before an aide gently led him away by the arm.

In a surprising move, Priebus also used the speech to endorse Donald Trump, nemesis of the GOP establishment, as the best hope of stopping Cruz. Priebus then went on to also endorse Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, Benito Mussolini, “and anyone else who can take Ted down a notch.”

Trump, who is vying neck-and-neck with Cruz for victory in the Iowa caucauses next week, released a devastating new anti-Cruz ad today, titled “Get a load of this guy” and consisting of various photos and short videos of Cruz.



If elected, Ted cruz pledges to poke every single American in the chest while making a point.