W hen Madonna called out ageist reactions to her 14th album this month, I felt a nasty lurch of guilt in my stomach. Reviewing MDNA in 2012, I was mean about her decision to invest so much “desperate” energy into maintaining the impression of eternal youth, leaving her looking and sounding “exhausted and unhappy and making me feel the same”.

I was 36 then and Madonna was 54. I’d just given birth to my second child and wanted to weep at the number of playgroup conversations in which the women around me discussed the diets, workouts and cosmetic surgery required to restore their figures to perky, pre-pregnancy form. The female celebrities they saw in magazines seemed time-proof and they dutifully added this responsibility to their To Do lists.

It seemed to me that if anybody had the power to flip a stadium-sized, multi-platinum V-sign at this rubbish it was the hero of my early teens – Madonna. She had reinvented herself so many times, inspiring girls like me with possibilities of freedom and flexibility of identity.

She gave me my first feminist lesson in embracing the reality of female bodies by blow-drying her armpits in a public restroom in Desperately Seeking Susan (1985). Shortly before I saw that film, a friend of mine had provoked sniggers when she dropped a deodorant in a changing room. She flushed as the can rolled across the tiles with its shaming label promising: “extra protection.” We were all expected to use the stuff, but to spray it discreetly, beneath the shirt, pretending we naturally smelt like whatever chemicals they put in it. And then, swaggering across the big screen came Madonna: honest about her body, owning her sweat, taking pleasure in the blast of air on her skin and looking fantastically cool in the process.

Madonna's best music videos Show all 10 1 /10 Madonna's best music videos Madonna's best music videos Vogue - 1990 Madonna strikes a pose in her 1990 video for 'Vogue' Sire/Warner Bros. Records Madonna's best music videos Like a Virigin - 1984 Madonna takes a trip to Venice for her 'Like a Virgin' video Sire/Warner Bros. Records Madonna's best music videos Material Girl - 1985 Madonna's video for 'Material Girl' was an homage to Marilyn Monroe's performance of 'Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend' from the 1953 film Gentleman Prefer Blondes Sire/Warner Bros. Records Madonna's best music videos Papa Don't Preach - 1986 Madonna changed up her style for the 'Papa Don't Preach' video Sire/Warner Bros. Records Madonna's best music videos Like a Prayer - 1989 Madonna witnesses a murder at the hands of Ku Klux Klansmen in the video for 'Like a Prayer' Sire/Warner Bros. Records Madonna's best music videos Express Yourself - 1989 Madonna's video for 'Express Yourself' was inspired by Fritz Lang's 1927 film Metropolis Sire/Warner Bros. Records Madonna's best music videos Justify My Love - 1990 Madonna's 'Justify My Love' video was banned from MTV on first release due to its sexual content Sire/Warner Bros. Records Madonna's best music videos Take a Bow - 1994 Madonna's video for 'Take a Bow' is in the style of a Spanish period drama Maverick/Sire/Warner Bros. Records Madonna's best music videos Ray of Light - 1998 Life passes Madonna by in the video for 'Ray of Light' Maverick/Warner Bros. Records Madonna's best music videos Hung Up - 2005 Madonna's video for 'Hung Up' is her tribute to dance and John Travolta Warner Bros. Records

I was thrilled by the way she combined a fearless punk attitude with the joyful shimmer of pop. I loved that she was unashamed of her appetite for fame, money, sex, love and cultural significance. With songs like “Express Yourself” (1989), “Vogue” (1990) and “What it Feels like For a Girl” (2000), she changed the game for women and the LGBT+ community. And she never pretended to get it all right. On “Rescue Me” (recorded for 1990’s The Immaculate Collection), she confessed that she was “ferocious, weak, silly, pretentious… a freak” and acknowledged that she was “scratching out the eyes/ Of a world I want to conquer/ And deliver and despise”. She emits love/hate and the world reflects it back, with Lady Gaga admitting in 2017: “I just want Madonna to push me up against a wall, kiss me and tell me I’m a piece of shit.”

So I wanted Madonna to age like a punk: like Vivienne Westwood, flashing the wrinkles beneath the lace. I didn’t want her to stop making music or dancing in her underwear or speaking out whenever she wanted. I just wanted to her to age frankly and show me how much of a party that could be.

Which I now realise was ridiculous. Because being the world’s best-selling female artist hasn’t been a party for Madonna, has it? The self-confessed “masochist… walking alone/ never satisfied/ trying to fit in” of 2014’s “Rebel Heart”, Madonna continued to need our attention: sometimes seeking approval, sometimes being an unapologetic bitch. And she continued to be wounded by the criticism which was aimed at her more aggressively than at her male contemporaries. Sitting safely behind my keyboard with my mum tum, while the paparazzi aimed their lenses at her “wrinkled” hands, I had no right to expect her not to care. Her job was bloody hard work and I had no right to resent her for letting that show.

Accepting the Woman of the Year Award at the Billboard Women in Music Awards in 2016 she thanked the organisers “for acknowledging my ability to continue my career for 34 years in the face of blatant sexism and misogyny and constant bullying and relentless abuse”. She said she had been inspired by David Bowie: “He made me think there were no rules. But I was wrong. There are no rules – if you’re a boy. There are rules if you’re a girl.

“If you’re a girl, you have to play the game. You’re allowed to be pretty and cute and sexy. But don’t act too smart. Don’t have an opinion that’s out of line with the status quo. You are allowed to be objectified by men and dress like a slut, but don’t own your sluttiness. And do not, I repeat do not, share your own sexual fantasies with the world. Be what men want you to be, but more importantly, be what women feel comfortable with you being around other men. And finally, do not age. Because to age is a sin. You will be criticised and vilified and definitely not played on the radio.”

Madonna had once been applauded by feminists like Germaine Greer and Camille Paglia. But in 2006, Greer, an equally strong and contradictory character, then 67, dismissed Madonna, then 48, as a woman “in her dotage”.

In her Billboard speech, Madonna said: “I remember wishing I had a female peer I could look to for support. Camille Paglia said I set women back by objectifying myself sexually. So I thought, ‘oh, if you’re a feminist, you don’t have sexuality, you deny it.’ So I said ‘f**k it. I’m a different kind of feminist. I’m a bad feminist.’”

She concluded her speech listing the peers she had outlived: Michael Jackson, Prince, Whitney Houston, David Bowie. “But I’m still standing. I’m one of the lucky ones and every day I count my blessings. What I would like to say to all women here today is this: women have been so oppressed for so long they believe what men have to say about them. They believe they have to back a man to get the job done. And there are some very good men worth backing, but not because they’re men – because they’re worthy. As women, we have to start appreciating our own worth and each other’s worth.”

Madonna redefining stereotypes about older women at Billboard Women in Music 2016

It was between the Rebel Heart album (which I felt marked an honest re-engagement with her music after a few albums that sounded dialled-in and scene chasing) and the Billboard speech that I found myself settling into a better relationship with Madonna. When she fell over and got up at the Brits, I felt protective and proud. Madonna’s British biographer, Lucy O’Brien says that her Billboard speech was “honest and brave. It came before the #MeToo movement. She showed the reality of what it’s like to be a woman at that level, in the music industry”.

But when I asked my Facebook friends for their feelings on Madonna in 2019, it was mostly women who said they once loved her who felt “her time is up”, “she should have retired with dignity” and winced at her ponderous, pitchy performance at Eurovision in May. Another was angered by the cleaned-up vocal when the performance appeared online: “She’s fake news and artifice.” Another dismissed her complaints about ageism and not being played on Radio 1: “How much attention would a 20-year-old Madonna have given to a 60-year-old?”

Journalist Fiona Sturges, who normally writes this column, has previously suggested we all back off on Madonna’s age and just judge her on the music alone. I certainly agree with Sturges that women are judged much more harshly and I’m equally furious with those who tell Madonna to “put it away, grandma!”

But I do find an artist’s age interesting and I think it’s OK to include that in the discussion of their music and performances, provided we judge men and women by the same standards. In my last few album reviews, I’ve discussed Nile Rodgers’ age (compared with those of his collaborators) and Morrissey’s politics. It all feeds into the pop package they’re selling us.

Madonna's best songs, according to Independent staff Show all 9 1 /9 Madonna's best songs, according to Independent staff Madonna's best songs, according to Independent staff "Don't Tell Me" (2000) While the Stetson she appeared in for the Music era of 2000 is just one of many hats worn by Madonna, the message of its best single, “Don’t Tell Me”, is one she has practiced her entire career. I was fairly independent as a child and my colleagues would likely agree I’m even more stubborn and wilful as an adult – Madonna’s defiant lyrics on this track could certainly have had something to do with that. The twangy guitar loop of this electronic-country-pop number provides one of the most recognisable intros in music, as she instructs the listener: “Tell the leaves not to turn/ but don’t ever tell me I’ll learn, no, no/ Take the black off a crow/ but don’t tell me I have to go.” “Like a Prayer”, “Vogue” and “Material Girl” might be more iconic among Madonna fans, but for this one, “Don’t Tell Me” eponymises who she is as an artist, and as a person. (Roisin O'Connor) Rex Madonna's best songs, according to Independent staff "Into the Groove" (1984) Although "Into the Groove" isn’t technical musical feat like some of Madonna’s later dance work, such as the electro masterpiece "Ray of Light", or pretty much anything on the Confessions album, it encompasses Madonna’s less filtered earlier work, complete with a signature spoken introduction. All of Madonna’s spoken introductions prelude her best work, as if to serve as a siren to dash to the dancefloor before the bassline kicks in. "Into the Groove" is the literal finest example of this: when her vocals pop up over a drum and synth intro (“And you can dance/For inspiration/ Come on”) I will always want to hit that floor. (Chloe Hubbard) Madonna's best songs, according to Independent staff "Papa Don’t Preach" (1986) Hunting around my parents’ house when I was 10, I found my mum’s Immaculate Collection VHS, the pastel blue box signalling something exciting. Slotting it into the machine, I waited for a song to finish and a fade to black. More than just a story of a young pregnant woman having to break the news to her protective father, “Papa Don’t Preach” is a coming-of-age story. It felt relevant to me even at that age, contrasting with the numerous songs I’d heard telling men’s stories. The impossible-not-to-dance-to beat, the catchy lyrics and that feeling of a song capturing the female experience have stayed with me ever since. And it’s not just me. Put this track on at a wedding and the dance floor will be alight in moments with women shouting the lyrics, dancing like Madonna – feeling empowered. If that doesn't qualify as an iconic song, I don’t know what does. (Harriet Hall) REUTERS Madonna's best songs, according to Independent staff "Like a Virgin" (1984) From the minute the unmistakable beat of “Like a Virgin” begins to play, you can’t help but start rocking your head from side to side and tapping your feet in sync with the music in true 1980s fashion. Not only is the song undeniably catchy, but it also epitomises several aspects of Madonna’s identity, namely her openness with sexuality and erotica. Some of Madonna’s most iconic moments have come from her performances of the track, such as at the MTV Video Music Awards in 1984 when she appeared on stage wearing a white wedding dress. It’s playful, upbeat and impossible to resist dancing to. What’s not to love? (Sabrina Barr) REX/Shutterstock Madonna's best songs, according to Independent staff "Like a Prayer" (1989) ​Is “Like a Prayer” the favourite Madonna song of every lapsed Catholic out there? Maybe it’s over speculation, but there’s some primal part of my Catholic childhood that can’t help but claw to the surface on each listen of the 1989 pop classic. Madonna made no secret of the fact her work was heavily influenced by her own upbringing surrounded by Italian Catholicism and, as she told Rolling Stone in 1989: “Once you’re a Catholic, you’re always a Catholic - in terms of your feelings of guilt and remorse and whether you’ve sinned or not”. But with “Like a Prayer”, there’s a sense of freedom: an intimate, personal rewriting of religion that breaks the taboos of intermixing sex and religion. Add to that, the radical nature of the track’s video making a sincere statement about racism and police brutality - a message often buried by the hysteria surrounding the Vatican’s own condemnation of it. (Clarisse Loughrey) Getty Madonna's best songs, according to Independent staff "Vogue" (1990) ​To strike a pose is to “Vogue”. So much more than a glitzy disco track, Madonna’s “Vogue” cements its rank as a pop culture phenomenon thanks to the flamboyant New York City subcultures it celebrates. The dance itself originates in 1980s drag culture and Madonna’s eponymous track is an homage to the sexual freedom and flagrant theatrics that the routine evokes to this day. With its liberal roots and non-binary rhetoric (“it makes no difference if you’re black or white, if you’re a boy or a girl”), “Vogue” is the ultimate empowerment anthem, fuelled by grandeur, old-school glamour, and an insatiable appetite for fun. It’s a corker. (Olivia Petter) ITV/REX/Shutterstock Madonna's best songs, according to Independent staff "Beautiful Stranger" (1999) Madonna’s enjoyably psychedelic “Beautiful Stranger” was the perfect selection as main soundtrack single for Austin Powers sequel The Spy Who Shagged Me. Co-written by William Orbit, the man behind Blur’s “Coffee and TV” as well as All Saints belter “Pure Shores”, the song draws instrumentally from unexpected places (The Beatles, The Doors) with its drum-free guitar-backed opening verse setting the stage for that roaring chorus: “You’re everywhere I go! And everybody knows!” It’s a flawless slice of late-1990s pop that’s as good as anything Madonna’s ever recorded. Groovy, baby. (Jacob Stolworthy) Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images Madonna's best songs, according to Independent staff "La Isla Bonita" (1986) On the very rare (two) occasions I’ve done karaoke, it says something that the song I’ve picked both times was "La Isla Bonita". I’m a sucker for melody – and especially one that’s uptempo yet loaded with a melancholic yearning to be on a mysterious tropical island. From the opening Cuban drums, followed by castanets, it’s the winning blend of Latin rhythms and Spanish guitar with 1980s synths, and the sweetness of Madonna’s cooing vocals, that makes “La Isla Bonita” stand out – and it was the first Spanish-tinged track that Madonna released. It’s so distinctive that it’s impossible to imagine this on Michael Jackson’s Bad album, for which the track was initially written. Romantic, evocative and always alluring. (Elisa Bray) Madonna's best songs, according to Independent staff "Material Girl" (1984) While some may criticise “Material Girl” for being shallow, it is in fact a feminist anthem. Sure, prioritising money and shiny things over personality may not be the best approach when looking for a partner, but there’s nothing wrong with appreciating fashion and the finer things in life – it doesn’t mean you’re frivolous, vain or superficial, as Madonna points out. Because the thing is, some boys may kiss you and some boys may hug you (consensually, one would hope), but if they don’t give you proper credit, you really should just walk away. (Rachel Hosie) Rex

Voices, shows and subjects change with time. Creativity can go off the boil or catch fire at different times. Age and experience can be more powerful on record than youth: last year, at 71, Marianne Faithfull made an astonishingly beautiful album that knocked spots off the stuff she recorded at 17. And last week Nick Coleman (author of Voices: How a Great Singer Can Change Your Life, 2018) posted a later period Joni Mitchell song on social media, noting how her singing had evolved from the “self-bastingly pretty” sound of her early years to become brilliant in terms of her “connection with language, the way she accessed emotion”. Other singers – he mentioned Aretha Franklin – don’t get better. Most change and isn’t it OK to discuss what they do with a changing instrument? Madonna’s voice hasn’t actually changed much, but I maintain a connection to it: playful, light and provocative, dropping to dramatic and confessional when needed.

But I also love her endurance, her wit, her ongoing embrace of fresh, new sounds and ideas. I love that she continues to speak up for women and named Simone de Beauvoir, Anne Sexton, Sylvia Plath, Carson McCullers, Dorothea Tanning, Leonora Carrington, Frida Kahlo as inspiration for her most recent incarnation: Madame X.

“They all led strong independent lives, unconventional lives and had unconventional relationships,” she told Vogue.

So she’s complicated. My responses to her are complicated. And we are living in a complicated world where the odds are piled against a woman maintaining a powerful career in showbiz for over 30 years.

If I’m honest, the last time she gave me musical goosebumps was with Confessions on a Dancefloor in 2005. But I think Madame X is the best and bravest record she has made since then.