It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Lets take a look at some new releases!

Mamamoo – Hip

At least it grooves a bit, and the girls look fantastic as always, but the editing is so damn fast you can barely even see them, and the same three chords over and over again do not excite.

Rainbow – Aurora

Instead of “Black Swan part 2″ it’s “boring generic shit part 2358762”.

Stray Kids – Astronaut

After their last couple of quite good tracks someone decided that it was too much quality and so they’ve been told to tone it down.

Nature – Oopsie (My Bad)

There’s about three potentially great songs hidden in this track but none of them come off, because while there’s nothing wrong with the rapping/shouting/whatever sections, as soon as the singing starts there’s too many clashing elements in the harmony and it just kills whatever mood they were going for with all the other stuff.

Elris – Miss U

Super boring.

IU – Above The Time

IU finally has a good ballad, never thought I’d see the day. I guess after 57 cracks at it she was bound to get it right eventually.

TXT – Magic Island

TXT cosplay as Australians who die in a bushfire and I’m offended, this is CULTURAL APPROPRIATION of our recent bushfire disasters. Anyone who wants to burn to death in the scrub for a music video has to get permission from me.

Sky Girls – Because Of You

A super-cheap T-ara album track clone.

Seven O’clock – Midnight Sun

Actually not bad, but all the goodness is in the backings and there’s far too much vocals in it to be able to hear any of it.

In2it – ULlala: Poisoning

I can’t remember where that opening riff is from, but I do remember that it’s not from a song I like.

Ateez – Utopia

I heard these guys beat out all your faves for some bullshit award nobody cares about. This makes me like them for some reason.

Luri ft. Bryn – Blah Blah

Some people have been responding to these roundups as if “accurate song title of the week” is an official thing and that if I don’t have one, I fucked up somehow. You people need to realise that I don’t give a fuck, I pretty much write these between different stages of cooking dinner or while I’m camping in houses in PUBG. The proper reviews are at the end of each year, not in roundup. Also, this song licks a sack.

Eric Nam ft. Marc E. Bassy – Congratulations

I’m sure some people will complain about the random white guy in it, but honestly it sucked long before he entered the picture.

Hynn – Bad Love

The worst kind of ballad. Typical overblown soppy junk where we’re supposed to be all excited that the singer hit a high note at the end, as if every Korean singer doesn’t do that in every song ever recorded since 1963.

Hynn – Last Train

And here’s exactly the same thing with more drums.

Lulileela – Fantasy

I took about an hour to review this because I kept getting distracted by more interesting things, like a bug crawling across the floor or a blade of grass moving outside.

Owen – Run

Yes you heard it right, at the start it’s “This Autotune shit is fucking amazing / it turns a rapper into a singer”. The problem is though that if you’re a singer, you need to think about what you actually want to sing, so it actually turns a rapper into a warbler.

Bomin – You & I

Boring cruisy crap like everything else.

Tommy Strate, Lil Oppa – No Protect

Meremr mrmer mhmhhm mmhmmheeremm memremr mhm. Mermrmmemmerm mermereremmer emrmermmm. (This is a totally accurate review but only mumble rappers can understand this.)

Favorite – Catch Me

The annoying tropical garbage made even more annoying by an ear-grating chorus.

Punchello ft. Baek Yerin – Doodle

Producer-curse is a trufax.

Woosung ft. Peniel – Beautiful Girl

Rapping with acoustic guitars in a green field is morally wrong. I miss the days when people with low moral values would just burn churches or go to jail for assault.

Changjo ft. V-Hawk – Never Anything

Yeah nah.

South Club – Twice

Imagine leaving Winner for this. I mean, I get that YG is shitty but at least the guy in this group would have a professional to write his songs for him, not to mention apply his makeup.

Jjangyou – 115

Just pick any random spot in this and listen to about five seconds, it’s all the same apart from the guitar solo at the end.

Vibe – Call Me Back

Is all that fast cutting really necessary for this shitful ballad?

Wanted – Heal Me

What a shit employee. Get off your fucking phone and serve the goddamn customers, woman.

The Black Underground – Handsome Beat

Well, this is about as close to Hellhammer as they’ve gotten so far. If nothing else they’re both just as good at pitching notes!

The Bowls – First Things

Yeah this isn’t very good is it.

The Night of Seokyo ft. Rogi – Be My Blue

Slim pickings again this week I’m afraid.

Daybreak – Kickkick

Song definitely does not kick, unless we’re talking about listeners kicking the bucket from sheer boredom.

Kris Wu – Eternal Love

Wow look at this high-budget craziness, Kris has sure come a long way since being bullied out of Exo.

Chamsom – My City

Yep that’s how this song makes me feel.

Knave – How Could I Say

They’re drinking coffee in the music video, time to abort.

S.min – The Story Is Over

It sure is.

A.Train – Cork

All ambience, no song.

YoonDo – Another Spring

Another sleepy ballad you won’t remember in a week’s time, or even a day’s time.

Bambee – Urban Radius

This is very dull and it’s good that they didn’t spend a lot of money on the video because why waste it.

Sweet Sorrow – Everything Will Be OK!

I’m digging the weirdly positive vibes here after all the morose shit this week.

Low High Low – Wind Gauge

My god, listen to this guy belt it out. This is what I imagine the film Oldboy would have turned out like if the main guy in it started a band instead of killed a bunch of dudes.

Low High Low – Big Fake Ero

Their other song isn’t as much of a kick in the nuts but it’s still rock music so that’s a welcome change.

True Damage – Giants

The team at Riot Games had some sort of committee meeting and decided what K/DA really needed was to replace one of the k-pop girls with a shithouse rapper and some other losers. The results is the usual juvenile power fantasy stuff that “songs for games” always are, designed to keep teenage incels occupied long enough to forget about shooting up their school because girls won’t talk to them.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK

Laura log – camera test

Just in case you don’t get enough cat action from my blogs and livestreams, here’s a 9 minute video of UZA’s cat Laura. Laura MRCS.

That’s all for this week – Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!