Opinions about Star Wars movies are like thalia-siren nipples — every “real fan” has at least four eveready to squirt hot take juice in your face. As bad as it’s been with The Last Jedi, we’re already sensing a disturbance in the force regarding the upcoming Han Solo spinoff. Thanks to our expertise in milking the green goodness, metaphorically speaking of course, we’ve managed to predict what fanboys and girls, contrarians and Disney defenders will be complaining about once the next Star Wars spinoff hits theaters. Without further ado, take a sip of

Can’t see the image? Here it is in plain text!

Top 10 Complaints Fans Will Have About Solo: A Star Wars Story

10. Alden Ehrenreich looks nothing like Harrison Ford or the Millennium Falcon

09. The secret villain is not Darth Plagueis yet again

08. Young Lando’s purple cape, rainbow heels and bisexuality feels forced

07. Lightspeed ramming the Kessel Run helps achieve 12 parsec speedrun

06. Maz Kanata has more screen time than Han Solo

05. Young Jabba should have been mo-capped CG instead of Josh Gad in green paint

04. Han Solo is still a straight white alpha male

03. Nowhere near enough quips or callbacks

02. Way too nostalgic for an origin movie based on a beloved character

01. Chewbacca is a total Hairy-Stu

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-William “Willybobo” Bobo