Dear Janit

I have some good news and I have some bad news. The bad news is that there will be a three week gap between us moving out of our current home and moving into our next. The good news however is that our dear friends Mairead and Dan have invited you to stay with them instead of a stir of porridge in some Hackney cattery.

Mairead has asked if your have any special requirements that she should be aware of. I of course told her straight away that you are a very gracious cat and did not tell her about any of your more aggravating ‘eccentricities’ so I hope we can expect nothing less than very best behaviour while you are a guest in their house.

One thing I thought she may find useful is a translation guide to help understand your attempts at communication. This is what I have so far and to be honest I am struggling to come up with any more worthwhile additions; I wonder if you would be so kind as to review and add any more you may think useful?

miow = biscuits miow = wake-up miow = please miow = pleasssssse

(numbers to indicate ferocity in delivery)

I’m sure you will have a lovely time in their flat, please do your best not to make a liar of me.

Love from Crispin