BY DANIEL GAITAN | daniel@lifemattersmedia.org

One brave Italian-American family chose to document their struggle with aging and advanced illness in front of cameras.

Filmmaker Juli Vizza pointed the lens on her own family in an effort to help others facing end of life decisions learn from their ordeal. Nine To Ninety will be broadcast throughout February on PBS affiliates nationwide.

Vizza describes the documentary as a family “love story.” It highlights the plight of Phyllis and Joe Sabatini, who at ages 89 and 90 live in the Palm Desert, Calif., home of their daughter and son-in-law. As their health problems escalate, Phyllis becomes determined to free their daughter from the burden of caregiving.

Phyllis decides to move 3,000 miles away to live with their other daughter in Philadelphia, leaving her husband of 62 years to remain in California. Complicating matters: Joe seems to have become resigned to his condition while Phyllis values her independence and freedom. She is proud to still be able to walk on her own and touch her toes.

The film questions what it means to truly “age with dignity.”

Filming A Family

“My mother called me and said that there were things happening with my family, and they were trying to figure out how to take care of my grandparents who were living with my aunt,” Vizza told Life Matters Media. “My aunt had a 9-year-old daughter at the time, so there was just a lot of burden with caring for aging parents and maintaining a family.”

Many questions – including which daughter should take responsibility for their parents’ care and who should track medical treatments – arose quickly.

“I had said, ‘there’s a lot going on here, there’s some big decisions being made, and I’m not really sure what’s going to happen, but this seems like a good opportunity to maybe document it and see how we’re able to handle it,’ ” Vizza said.

She then partnered with trusted director Alicia Dwyer, whom she has known for 15 years, and began filming. The documentary runs about 30 minutes.

“Juli’s parents knew me, so there was a little bit of familiarity already,” Dwyer said. “Juli’s family is very loving, very intimate. In moments when they’re afraid, there has to be trust.”

It was common, she said, for the family to offer homemade Italian meals to the crew.

Still, many of their most emotional moments were lived on camera. In one scene, Phyllis expresses remorse for being unable to care for her family. In another, she is angry at Joe for not brushing his teeth properly.

“You’re facing difficult challenges to begin with, and then realizing you’re being witnessed makes you feel more vulnerable,” Vizza said.

Encouraging ‘The Conversation’

Vizza and Dwyer hope their film encourages other families to begin making their end of life care wishes known. They said they believe such conversations would have made the Sabatini’s situation a little easier.

“One of the things we found after screenings is how much people can really relate to everyone in the movie,” Dwyer said. “Whether you’re 20 and seeing your grandparents go through this with your parents, or if you’re in your 50s or 60s and realizing you’re having to deal with both your children and your parents. You’re not alone.”

Although the vast majority of Americans view end of life conversations as important, less than 30 percent of Americans have had such discussions.