SALT LAKE CITY—Inquiring about several potential scenarios, Libertarian Party presidential nominee Gary Johnson reportedly asked his campaign aides what their best path to 270 electoral votes was while they were in the midst of packing up the candidate’s headquarters Tuesday. “Okay, let’s think through the electoral map and see where our clearest shot at victory is,” said Johnson to top advisors who were taping shut cardboard boxes containing unsold campaign T-shirts, bumper stickers, and buttons reading “#LetGaryDebate.” “Have we gained any traction in Florida? That would give us a lot more wiggle room in New Hampshire and North Carolina. And if we got a strong early turnout in Alaska and South Dakota, that definitely moves us a lot closer to 270, if not beyond.” At press time, Johnson was muttering to himself about the western Mountain states in an empty office as his campaign staff went out back and threw everything into the dumpster.

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