TROY, MI — After praising new beau’s attractiveness, intelligence and musical talent, Christina Markham, 26, informed reporters that her new boyfriend uses heroin sparingly. “He’s a dreamboat, so honest, so attentive to my needs, except every now and then when he’s unable to verbally communicate,” said Markham, while pulling up selfies the happy couple had taken together every day since they met two months ago, with the exception of a brief four day interlude when the love interest was unresponsive to text messages and all physical touch. “He’s so unlike other guys I’ve dated. He’s creative, unselfish, and our time apart doesn’t bother us. We both get to focus on other interests; his just might kill him but hopefully not.” At press time Markham was planning for the next infrequent occurrence when her boyfriend would need “me time” by browsing Amazon for personalized syringes.