(Picture: feldhues group)

All adults who grew up in the 90s, in a time before Jamie Oliver ruined our fun and tried to make kids eat healthy food and stop downing pure sugar, will remember the joy of Billy Bear ham.

It wasn’t fancy. It was made of a worryingly low percentage of pork (66% pork, if you were wondering).

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But it made our lives happier. Billy Bear ham is responsible for making our ham and cheese sandwiches in our lunchboxes vaguely exciting. He introduced us to picnics. He brought siblings together, bonded forever over a love of ripping apart a bear made of ham with their teeth.



While Billy Bear ham made our childhoods, it is now, shockingly, no longer stocked in most major supermarkets.


Some stores have a giant sliceable Billy Bear sausage in their deli counter, but that’s it. The packaged slices are rarely to be seen.

Nothing like seeing Billy Bear ham in log form to really put the fear of God in you on a Sunday afternoon. pic.twitter.com/iHIH1bDnCr — Anna Turner (@OwlsEatMice) June 4, 2017

Sainsbury’s lists it on their website, but simply says ‘product not available’. Devastating.

But in the midst of our Billy-Bear-ham-less misery, some bright news: in our search for further information about Billy Bear ham, we discovered something wonderful.

Seriously, people: were you aware that Billy Bear is not the only design of ham its makers produce?

Did you know that Feldhues, maker of Billy Bear ham, also make Happy Tractor ham?

Yes, this is indeed ham printed with tractors. But not just any tractors. Happy tractors.

This. Is. Mindblowing.

How have we lived in this world, longing for Billy Bear ham, without the knowledge that happy tractor ham exists? How did no one inform us of this fact?

Happy tractor ham is not the only secret meat product feldhues has been quietly producing.

They also make Billy ham. Billy is terrifying.

They make happy lion ham.

Here’s happy clown ham, here to stop you from ever sleeping again

And happy monkey ham. Cute.

There’s even happy fox ham

And a super romantic heart in heart ham

Feldhues also do seasonal hams, including happy bunny ham

Happy champ ham

Happy Halloween ham

And even CHRISTMAS HAM. Magical.

We’ve reached out to Feldhues to find out where in the U.K. we can get hold of these magical ham creations, and will update this story if we hear back.

Because seriously, we need to be filling our desk lunches with decorative ham. That happy bunny ham speaks to me.

What's actually in Billy Bear ham? According to current packaging, Billy Bear ham is made up of 66% pork. The rest of it is water, pea starch, salt, pea protein, dextrose, salt replacers, spices, antioxidants, stabiliser, yeast extract, and preservative. Good to know.

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