Big-time college football comes to Jersey! Your tax dollars at work! Rah and rah, sis, boom and bah!

Soon, Rutgers University will be memorialized as a very good college — before it became a football team, and before its football team, as per the decades-long norm of big-time college football, again feeds a local crime wave, as per Thursday’s sweep and arrests that included five current and two former RU players.

But it’s not as if a bunch of adult yahoos who should know better are now any more inclined to weigh society’s economic, scholastic and social benefits of fielding a ranked, bowl-eligible college football team. There are none. Zero.

It’s a huge investment in an obscenely expensive, no money-back guarantee.

But Rutgers, “The State University of New Jersey,” is now so fully invested in Big Ten football that the school’s most hopeful forecast is that it will stop bleeding money for football operations by 2022 — again, at the earliest.

And apparently, as of Thursday’s arrests, free-everything scholarships, cash payouts via Pell Grants and now NCAA-approved quick-fix $5,000 per player per season legal pocket money — more State dough — isn’t enough to service everyone’s wants and needs while enrolled in RU, or any big-time football college.

As if admitting that one can’t logically play high-stakes/no-benefits college football and be a legitimate student, Division I schools grant athletes six years to earn degrees.

What would be the graduation rate of non-athlete students given such a full scholarship deal, 99.9 percent? But those often the least academically qualified for acceptance by colleges are begged to “sign” then given the latest best deals as the schools throw more and more money at football.

There even is the well-founded presumption that many-to-most D-I football and basketball recruits are going to need individual college-paid tutors if the school is to provide minimal evidence of maintaining players’ minimal academic eligibility.

What percentage of paying students are enrolled with the school’s knowledge that they will need tutors to matriculate?

Football recruits who depart their colleges with legit degrees and educations become a matter of serendipitous accident. They weren’t recruited — “signed” — to be educated.

Apparently, Rutgers couldn’t do enough to service the wants and needs of the seven players charged with conducting a crime spree alleged to have victimized and terrorized local residents and RU students, including at least one robbery at gun-point and an assault of a student whose jaw was broken in what investigators described as “an unprovoked attack.”

But, hey, such is big-time college football; plenty more where that came from, especially with RU buying into the Big Ten. Who, among those who have studied the scene, can honestly say they’re surprised? The best teams produce the most arrests. For years and years.

In May, an Ohio newspaper published the results of an investigation that suggested those parents who saved or were saving money for their kids’ Ohio college educations would rise in revolt if they knew how much of their money was being applied to football and basketball.

The University of Cincinnati, 2005 through last year, increased sports spending 380 percent, $5.6 million to $27.1 million. The University of Akron, 120 percent, from $10.2 million to $22.6 million. Ohio University, 72 percent, $10.7 million to $18.5 million. On and on.

So if you save to send your kid to college, you will be sending two — yours and someone on the football team. Or maybe your money will be applied to the big, new stadium or to the luxurious players-only lounges used as recruitment-bait, often for those with no good reason to be enrolled in any college, other than to win ballgames.

Groucho Marx, in the 1932 movie “Horsefeathers,” played Professor Wagstaff, the new President of Huxley College.

“The trouble is, we’re neglecting football for education,” he tells Huxley’s trustees.

When the trustees agree, Wagstaff says, “What I meant to say is that there’s too much football and not enough education.”

Again, they agree.

Wagstaff erupts, “But where would this college be without football? Have we got a stadium?”

“Yes.”

“Well, we can’t support both. Tomorrow we start tearing down the college.”

It was a lot funnier back when it was funny.

Baseball reasoning is way outside of ‘box’

What do I do for fun? Read box scores. Monday’s were a gas. Arizona’s Brad Ziegler was credited with a hold — that’s good — and loss — that’s bad — for the two-thirds of an inning he pitched, allowing four hits, a walk and four earned runs.

In Chicago, the Reds’ Ryan Mattheus threw just one pitch — it was hit for a single. But he was credited with the win when the runner who tried to take third was thrown out. He threw one pitch, allowed a hit, won the game!

Monday’s saves included Cardinals closer Trevor Rosenthal’s 42nd, despite allowing two hits and a walk in the ninth, and Cleveland’s Cody Allen, despite three hits and a walk in 1 ¹/₃ innings.

But the stupidest thing about stupid stats is that the next morning they’re no longer stupid. They’re entered in databases then appear on our TV screens as if they tell an important, objective and accurate story.

Unable to admit it made (another) big assignment mistake when it handed its keys to baseball to (another) talk-it-to-death telecast killer in Curt Schilling, ESPN is now in the transparent process of giving him his unconditional release based on his alleged social media and email misconduct.

But ESPN isn’t demoting or dumping Schilling for his bad behavior any more than it hired Bobby Knight for his good behavior.

Did you know that July and August are months? Yeah, heard and read it last week on YES. A graphic appeared of Alex Rodriguez’s strong stats in the “Month of July” vs. his diminished stats in the “Month of August.”

We hear and read a lot of such stats applied to months, as if players wake up on the first day of the new month, a changed man, one way or the other.

Yet, we never hear or read about slumps or streaks that begin in “mid-month of July” or “last week of the month of August”? Or is the difference between July 31 and Aug. 1 that powerful?

A friend gave me a ticket from the Angels-Orioles game of Sept. 6, 1995 (right), 20 years ago today, Cal Ripken’s 2,131st consecutive game to break Lou Gehrig’s record. It was for a seat in a luxury suite. Cost? Eighteen dollars. Today, $18 leaves you $27 short of a space in the Yankee Stadium parking lot.