Kunyara: The Centuries-Old Sex Tradition You've Never Heard Of

There's A Place On Earth Where You're Not A Man Until You've Made A Woman Kunyara

For many North American men, female ejaculation is one of the mysteries of female sexuality. Its origins and triggers are contested among women and sexologists, so it’s not surprising that few men can comment on it with much confidence. That was certainly my experience — until I moved to Rwanda, a country where female ejaculation, or kunyara, as it’s known locally, is a matter of social import.

The tradition dates back more than a century, to the Third Dynasty of the Rwandan monarchy. The story goes that while the king was away on a military campaign, the queen demanded that a guard named Kamagere have sex with her. Kamagere acquiesced, but he was so nervous about the possible repercussions that his body trembled uncontrollably. His penis, instead of penetrating the queen, rubbed up and down against her labia and clitoris — a technique that became known as kunyaza. The torrent of liquid or “water” the motion provoked from the queen was called kunyara.

The ability of Rwandan women to expel copious volumes of liquid — more than three liters according to some estimates — during kunyara, stems from another age-old tradition called gukuna. This custom requires girls as young as 8 to pull out or stretch the lips of their inner labia.

Gukuna was originally practiced so the elongated skin could help protect and keep a woman’s vagina clean. But, when it was discovered that these women were also experiencing heightened sexual sensitivity and were more likely to produce water, it became a more or less mandatory custom. “Thirty years ago it was like an order,” explains Vestine Dusabe, a sexologist in Kigali. “Every woman that got married had to have gukuna.”

Today, the tradition is not as common. Older relatives are too busy to teach the next generation, and, as a result, more young urban Rwandans are dismissing gukuna as a backward practice reserved for rural dwellers. Rwandan sex education, meanwhile, is limited. When Dusabe travels to schools across the country, she meets students who still think that condoms can get stuck inside a woman’s vagina and that sex is the best remedy for face pimples.

Vestine shows young, female students how to perform gukuna and encourages them to practice on their own for 10 minutes every day. “In the old days,” she says, “girls would do it to each other. But now we’re concerned this will arouse lesbian feelings, so we teach them to do it individually.”

Although Dusabe’s efforts have engendered criticism from some members of government and the church, three years of hosting a local radio show on matters of sex and love have taught her the importance of gukuna to a relationship. She claims that men frustrated by their wives’ lack of gukuna are among her most frequent callers.

To some callers, Dusabe will recommend Zuena, an elderly Rwandan woman who provides personal gukuna instruction for $80 a person — mostly to married women who never had the opportunity to learn. With the help of lubricants such as traditional medicine and butter, the “classes” last about a week or until the client is comfortable doing it on their own from home.

But having gukuna is not an automatic pass to realize kunyara. For that, a man must also do his part. This means making the woman feel comfortable, engaging in foreplay and demonstrating sound kunyaza form. Even then, it’s not guaranteed. “It depends on your feeling, your connection,” explains one female university student.

Rwandan men learn of kunyaza through friends or family, and their ability to execute can be seen as a test of their manliness. “It’s what makes a man a man,” explains Simba Kakongi Ali, a local sex herbalist and kunyaza guru.

From his residential office lined with natural medicines for everything from erectile dysfunction to premature ejaculation, Kakongi Ali stresses that leaving a woman with water can invite trouble. “They’ll cheat because they don’t get to that point,” he says. “That water disturbs them in their body.”

To counter such unpleasantness, Kakongi Ali provides couples with kunyaza-kunyara lessons, which draw on a mix of pornographic videos and his own personal wisdom. If problems persists, Kakongi Ali recommends Vetexine, an herbal concoction he developed to “unclog a woman’s tubes.”

Many Western sexologists would undoubtedly be skeptical of such remedies. In fact, in the West, G-spot stimulation — the area inside the vagina approximately one to two inches inside on the anterior wall — rather than external clitoral stimulation, is interpreted as the most effective way to achieve squirting.

But according to Dr. Hernando Chaves, a California-based sexologist and marriage and family therapist, it is possible that genetic factors, race and culture play a role in squirting cross-culturally. “I would be curious if women from various cultures had different pelvic floor muscle strength,” he says, referring to the muscle largely associated with squirting. “In addition, how would the role of sexual comfort, acceptance of female sexual pleasure and cultural acceptance of squirting affect the prevalence of female ejaculation in different cultures and races?”

In Rwanda and parts of western Uganda, squirting is not only considered a regular part of sex, but it’s often interpreted as a crucial milestone in a couple’s sex life. My Rwandan friends seek out women that look “heavy” and some admit that they wouldn’t date a woman who couldn’t kunyara. Nevertheless, there are still Rwandans who have never heard of it; one man even suggested that the liquid expelled during kunyara was full of disease. “Stay away from that,” he advised me. “It’s too strong.”

A few weeks later, I discovered that the woman I was seeing had performed gukuna. “This is it,” I told myself, as a mix of anxiety and excitement surged through my body. “Am I man enough or not?”

As my friends had instructed me, we spent ample time “preparing,” and when the moment was right, I lowered myself into position and began rubbing. She looked at me incredulously at first, but welcomed the effort.

The kunyaza created a certain “pap, pap, pap” sound that aroused us both. Within a minute the water started to come — at first just a few splashes — but the intensity and volume soon picked up. In the end my lower body and bed were soaked.

Afterwards, she told me that she first learned of gukuna at the age of 8. The pulling hurt at first, she said, but became more pleasurable with time. Throughout primary school, she did it in the fields surrounding her home in western Rwanda — sometimes to herself, sometimes with the help of a friend. Often the girls would take along food to fool their parents into thinking they were off having a picnic.

“Are you happy you did it?” I asked.

“Yes, of course,” she replied. “I love to kunyara. It’s the best feeling.”

“Even better than an orgasm?” I countered.

“Yes,” she said. “But you still want to have an orgasm after you kunyara. Then everything is complete.”

The next morning, Joseph, the housekeeper for the building where I live, arrived to find my laundry bag full of sodden sheets. Surprised, he began looking around, but there was no discernible smell or stain. He furrowed his brows and gazed at me.

After a moment, he smiled at me. “You are now Rwandan,” he said.



Matthew Stein is a Canadian journalist who writes about the culture of sex in unfamiliar places at eroticroutes.com.