After summoning the ghost of Richard Nixon to seek his wise counsel, Trump was disappointed by his advice. “Patriots don’t await their fate—they make it. Join me. Just quit. Do it. You can throw up deuces in front of a helicopter.”

“NO!” Trump slammed his fist onto his desk, inadvertently squirting ketchup everywhere. “This isn’t what I wanted. I am great and you are not. Be gone Nixon, Nixon, Nixon,” and just like that, the disgraced former President vanished from the presence of the disgraced sitting President.

By Emily Sanchez, Photo edit: Emily Sanchez

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