Being a man is hard. Where previous generations opted to take the easy road, defining manhood with tangible accomplishments like carving out a homestead in the untamed wilderness or shooting at the Axis of Evil from a trench, our modern approach is much more subtle and high concept. We are trying something new. We refuse to just plow through the fleshy folds of life with the firm morals and rigid convictions of our grandfathers. No, instead we've opted to stay flexible and rubbery, capable of shifting our concept of masculinity on the fly. And while it doesn't always satisfy the needs or expectations or even the women of the era, we are courageously ensuring that the world will never suffer a shortage of ironic T-shirt companies, or mods for the original Wolfenstein, or 30-year-old dudes wandering around Central America for a year just really finding themselves.

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History will remember our sacrifices.

Even though it's tougher now than ever to say for certain what characterizes a man, there are still a few tacit rules by which all men live. So ladies, if you find yourself uneasily wondering whether your boyfriend, your son, your husband, or even your father can legitimately be called an adult, I have created this helpful checklist. What follows are four simple tasks every guy worth his salt should be able to accomplish using nothing but his two hands, his ingenuity, and maybe a quick 45-minute Internet search (accounting for extra time spent listening to '90s cartoon theme songs on YouTube).