When considering a dystopian future America in which a theocratic military dictatorship allows women no freedom other than to reproduce on demand (as shown in Hulu's new ten-part adaptation of Margaret Atwood's 1985 novel The Handmaid's Tale) you find yourself thinking: could there be anything worse? And then you find yourself thinking: well, what about Trump's America? Below, by comparing key categories for quality of life, we toss up which would be the lesser of two hells:

Trade in Trump’s America vs. in The Handmaid’s Tale

Since Trump said he wants to undermine the rules of the World Trade Organization and impose new barriers to imports, trade officials are anxious. In The Handmaid’s Tale however, the totalitarian Republic of Gilead sorts out a trade deal of handmaids with the Mexican delegation within just one meeting. Gilead’s commander doesn’t even have to crunch the Mexican president’s phalanges. He doesn’t even have to produce little o’s with his fingers and mouth. He says what he wants, and gets the deal, which leads to a prosperous Republic and improved foreign policy. Unlike Trump, the commander of the Republic is aware that Mexicans are not going to rape and kill the children and handmaids of Gilead. This probably helped secure the deal.

**Verdict? **The Handmaid’s Tale.

Healthcare in Trump’s America vs. in The Handmaid’s Tale

In Trump’s America, healthcare is unstable. Trump would like to carry out cuts to research and healthcare for the poor, elderly and disabled. The Congressional Budget Office (CBO) has estimated that 14 million more people would be uninsured next year under the new legislation. Evidently, in Trump’s America, healthcare is not a priority. Protecting American manufacturing jobs is the priority. And building a wall is a – oh wait, there are no priorities. For something to be a priority, Trump would have had to actually do something. In The Handmaid’s Tale on the other hand, healthcare is the utmost priority. For example, in episode two, when the show's protagonist Offred says she feels a little faint, a car is immediately at the door, ready to take the handmaid to the doctor – no appointment necessary, no waiting time. The doctor – knowing her master was sterile, and that she would take the blame – even kindly offers to impregnate her.

Verdict?* The Handmaid’s Tale*.

Entertainment in Trump’s America vs. in The Handmaid’s Tale

This is easy. In Trump’s America, you have the best entertainment there is to offer:* Saturday Night Live*. This is because everything in Trump’s America can be turned into a joke. Sometimes it doesn’t even need to be turned into a joke. It is the joke. There is no competition for this kind of quality entertainment. In The Handmaid’s Tale, however, everything is very serious. Jokes come from mistakes, and there are no mistakes. And so, there is no Saturday Night Live in Gilead. Plus, there are no TVs, computers, phones or cinemas. The only entertainment is watching executions (something Trump would happily swap Saturday Night Live for, no doubt).

**Verdict? **Trump’s America.

Global warming in Trump’s America vs. in The Handmaid’s Tale

Trump thinks global warming is a myth. He thinks environmentalism is a mania. “Environmentalism is out of control!” he said. He has since approved the construction of two controversial oil pipelines and repealed an Obama-era rule designed to protect waterways from coal mining waste. But in The Handmaid’s Tale, pollution is taken very seriously indeed. So much so, in fact, that a brutal totalitarian state was formed to address the issue, which sends many women to the colonies to clean up toxic waste. So, although the handmaids have no autonomy and are forced to breed like factory chickens, at least they are breathing good air, and their children, unlike those of Trump’s America, will have good lungs.

Verdict? The Handmaid’s Tale.

Racism in Trump’s America vs. in The Handmaid’s Tale

In Trump’s America, Muslims are not welcome. Had Trump been more competent, they would have had to climb a wall to reach America. He hates Arabs in particular, and has banned travel into the United States from six Arab countries. Although, considering Trump is not aware of the location of the Middle East, perhaps this was in error. In Hulu’s Handmaid’s Tale, however, black and white cohabitate peacefully and are valued equally. And since handmaids and their commanders are not allowed to speak about anything but reproduction, groceries and the weather, no racist slurs can occur anyway.

Verdict? The Handmaid’s Tale.

Treatment of women in Trump’s America vs. in The Handmaid’s Tale

Firstly, there are similarities. In The Handmaid’s Tale, handmaids must wear red habits and white headpieces which obstruct their peripheral vision, so that they may not be distracted from their masters. Melania Trump also sports an headpiece that blocks her peripheral vision. An invisible one, to match her invisible role in the Whitehouse. That’s why she can only ever look straight ahead, or down. Like Offred – whose name means “of Fred”, her commander – Ofdonald, too, must obey master Trump’s every command.

But the crucial difference is that in The Handmaid’s Tale, women are sacred. They may have no autonomy, but they are protected. In Trump’s America, women are at constant risk of being grabbed by the pussy, or by the hand – a risk that grows for Melania by the day. While in Trump’s America, sexual assault is dismissed as “banter”, in The Handmaid’s Tale, men caught assaulting a handmaid are publicly mauled to death by a collective of handmaids, who, for this special moment, are permitted to remove their headgear. Melania would be safe here.

**Verdict? **The Handmaid’s Tale.

Overall verdict: With the Republic of Gilead beating Trump’s America on the issues of women, trade, race relations and healthcare – trumped only on entertainment – it stands that life in The Handmaid’s Tale is preferable to life in Trump’s America. Unfortunately, this life is one Americans can only dream of.

The Handmaid’s Tale airs at 9pm on Sunday 28 May on Channel 4.