Florida QB Will Grier will has been suspended by the NCAA for one year for PEDs. Auburn of course almost immediatly announced that they would like to donate $200,000 to Will Grier’s church.



“When we heard that Will had been suspend for an entire year we knew what we had to do” said Auburn’s athletic director Jay Jacobs. “I immediately called some of our boosters to see if they’d be willing to help the church of this fine young man who is being unfairly persecuted” he continued.



Auburn’s donation to Will Grier’s church will be made this weekend when two large brown sacks will be dropped in an offering plate… or on his parents doorstep… or in his hands… whatever.



“I really enjoy helping people by donating money to the churches of players who have run into trouble at Florida” said Auburn booster Willy Bágmañ. (We think “Bágmañ” is probably a French name and pronounced “Bag mean”.) “I just want to give everyone with some talent at the quarterbacking position’s church and or family some money, I’m that kind of guy. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go make a withdrawal” said Bágmañ.





Pictured: Mr. and Mrs. Bágmañ



Auburn coach Gus Malzhan was thrilled to hear that Grier had been suspended. “Oh thank God, I was worried that I was going to have to keep coaching kids I recruited!” exclaimed Malzhan.



It seems unlikely that Malzhan will be at Auburn next year though; if Auburn holds true to form they will fire the coach that took them to a national championship game in his third year after he fails to win a single SEC game. It really is all on the line for Malzhan this Thursday against Kentucky.



It’s been a tough year for Auburn, but this is certainly good news for their future coach Houston Nutt. “I CAN’T WAIT TO HEP PEEPLE ON DA PLAINS!” Nutt exclaimed.



We also tried to reach out to Pat Dye to ask him about Auburn’s donation, but he wouldn’t stop talking about Southern Pond Management and kept calling us “Pawl”.



This article is of course satire, Auburn donates way more than $200,000 these days; inflation is such a bitch.

