Since 1993 the Jurassic Park franchise has generated over two billion dollars in revenue at the box office. Back in the early nineties, Kenner was still king of the action figure aisle and secured the rights to produce toys based on Steven Spielberg’s epic adventure film. After the demise of Kenner, Hasbro absorbed the rights and used many of the original Kenner molds to produce untold repaints of dinosaurs and their human counterparts. In that time some truly ridiculous action figures were produced with the six most notorious highlighted here.

6) Mosasaurus Vs. Submarine, Jurassic World Series I (2015)

I have yet to see Jurassic World, but I am pretty sure that at no point does this giant marine dinosaur square off against a submerisble that was a rejected design from SeaQuest DSV

5) Dr. Snare, Jurassic Park Series II (1993)

I am guessing that Dr. Snare is the leader of the Evil Raiders. Everything about this action figures drips bad guy. His shirtless-ness, thigh bandolier, duster, and dinosaur skin boots scream everything that was bad about nineties action figure lines.

4) Military General, Jurassic Park III Series I (2001)

Do you guys remember the whole military presence in Jurassic Park III? Me neither.

3) Evil Raiders Strike Cycle, Jurassic Park Series II (1993)

Like most action figure lines you can’t have good guys without some bad guys. Enter the Evil Raiders who stalked Isla Nublar on their bitchin’ tricycles. This vehicle was featured in the second wave which over the years has become harder to find on the secondary market.

2) Ajay Sidhu, The Lost World: Jurassic Park, Series II (1997)

Do you remember the character Ajay Sidhu at all? He was actually in the movie as the sidekick to big game hunter Roland Tembo as portrayed by the late Peter Poslethwaite. He may very well be the most obscure character to EVER get an action figure in the history of action figures.

1) Ian Malcolm, Jurassic Park Chaos Effect Series I (1998)

In 1998, Kenner released a new sub-line of the Jurassic Park line where scientists merged DNA of various dinosaur species resulting in “genetically mutated dines gone bad”. And who better to combat this threat than mathematician Ian Malcolm?

This version of Ian Malcolm has him in costume than can only be described as a Ghostbuster by way of an Eco Warrior. This sub-line only had two human figures, a few vehicles, and roughly ten dinosaurs. Unfortunately a glow in the dark wave called the “Night Hunters” was cancelled and a Battle Mech with an exclusive Ian Malcolm never made it past the prototype stage.