In an earlier post I outlined my BDSM yoga practice. One of the poses I often tell students to hold when teaching BDSM yoga is downward facing dog. Sometimes I make them hold the pose until they collapse – and as I noted in that previous post, it is a great asana from which to strike their backsides with my riding crop. But while I’m holding my submissives in downward dog I also tell them to imagine they are Chihuahua dogs. The Chihuahua is the smallest breed of dog and I tell my students they are as puny. I instruct my subs to visualise a dog collar around their necks and that their owner has them on a chain and is making them walk obediently through a swanky Mexican town. Their owner is of course tall, dark, powerful, beautiful, and looks remarkably like me.

I go on to explain that the Chihuahua tends to be fiercely loyal to one particular owner and in some cases may become over protective of the person. I elaborate that my BDSM yoga slave Chihuahuas must be the same, dedicating themselves completely to their mistress. After that I get my students to waggle their imaginary dog ears.

When I take my Chihuahua slaves out of dog, I move them into plank and explain that in Britain plank is slang for an idiot and that they are all planks. I then have them lover themselves into a four-limbed staff pose. I explain that in caturanga dandāsana they are abasing themselves to me. When I then move them into upward facing dog, I explain that I am only allowing them to look up so that they can kiss my ass! I move around the class and make each student kiss my butt before moving them back into downward facing dog and repeating. Yoga slaves tell me they enjoy my dog visualisations as much as the spankings I give them in dog.

For those not yet practicing yoga but who would like to try my brand of spiritual BDSM, here are some slightly more detailed descriptions of the asanas involved in my Do The Dog humiliation routine.

In downward facing dog the hips are pushed toward the ceiling, the body forming an inverted V-shape. The back is straight with the front ribs tucked in. The legs are straight with the heels reaching to the floor. The hands are open like starfish, keeping the forefinger and thumb pressing down on the floor/mat. The arms are straight, with the inner elbows turning towards the ceiling. If one has a tendency to hyper extend elbows, keeping a microbend in the elbows prevents taking the weight in the joints. Turning the elbows up towards the ceiling will engage the triceps and build strength. The shoulders are wide and relaxed. Line up the ears with the inner arms to keep the neck lengthened. The hands are shoulder width apart and feet remain hip-width apart. If the hamstrings are very strong or tight, the knees are bent to allow the spine to lengthen fully. The navel is drawn in towards the spine, keeping the core engaged.

Bondage Master BKS Iyengar asserts that downward facing dog stretches the shoulders, legs, spine and whole body; builds strength throughout the body, particularly the arms, legs, and feet; relieves fatigue and rejuvenates the body; improves the immune system, digestion and blood flow to the sinuses, and calms the mind and lifts the spirits.

Plank should need to explanation. It is the starting point for a push up. The hands are on the floor beneath the shoulders, the back is straight, the bottom tucked under, and the feet flexed with the toes on the floor. The back of the body forms a straight line with the feet being the lower point and rising to the head at the top.

In caturanga dandāsana the hands and feet are on the floor, supporting the body, which is parallel to and lowered toward, but not touching, the floor. It looks much like a push up in mid-flow, but with the hands quite low (just above the pelvis), and the elbows kept in along the sides of the body. When performed correctly, it can help prepare the body for arm balance asanas by strengthening important muscles and promoting good form.

Upward facing dog is an arm-supported backbend with the feet on the floor and the chest forward with the hands once again beneath the shoulders and the head held high (ready to kiss my asana).