"Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them." - William Shakespeare

"Its hard to be a diamond in a rhinestone world." - Dolly Parton

It's debatable whether or not Bill Shakespeare was referring to LSU Tigers running back Leonard Fournette when he wrote that in Twelfth Night, but who among us can say that it wouldn't be true if he had?

Fournette and the Tigers will honor the Carrier Dome with their presence this Saturday when they take on the Syracuse Orange. Before he does, I thought it would be a great idea to clarify one thing.

Leonard Fournette is a lovely human being deserving of unconditional love and puppy kisses and foot massages and a personalized Snuggie with his face checkered across it.

Leonard Fournette is what Flying Spaghetti Monster had in mind when it created man.

Vertical Horizon said it best when they said "He's everything you want. He's everything you need. He's everything inside of you that you wish you could be." No wonder that band has such a strong foothold in our collective consciousness.

Syracuse fans disagree with everything Rudy Ford said (and so does Rudy Ford, apparently). We stand firm in the knowledge that Fournette is a beacon of hope in a world run amok. Until Donald Trump takes his rightful place to lead us into the promised land, that job belongs to Leonard. He Who Would Be King guides us with a steady hand and a firm grip, never wavering from his duty to be the best of America and the best of humanity.

What were we before Leonard Fournette? I do not know. I dare not wonder.

So, thank you, Leonard Fournette, for gracing us with your presence. Whatever you need while here, please let us know. We will have Chipotle runners standing by at all hours of the night (including the hours Chipotle is not open when they are instructed to break in and make their own barbacoa burritos). You have given us so much, it's the least we can top with sour cream for you.

Please don't hurt us.