I hate to write another fucking article about finding yourself as the internet is chalk full of those wanna be writers trying to sound profound about how writing and yoga saved their soul (yoga is seriously good for you though). I don’t mean to shit on other people’s inspirational writing, but for the most part it’s just substanceless bullshit that makes the reader feel good after reading it, but all it really does is inspire another stupid asshole to write inspirational articles on the internet.

It’s nice to get a warm fuzzy feeling off writing from the internet, but the world ain’t always warm and fuzzy. It’s cold and cruel as well, and we would all be wise to stop acting like it’s not. Don’t get offended at any of the shit I say here. I’m just a dude speaking my piece. I don’t care what you think of me, and if I did, that would mean that I’m not over my own ego. Because it’s only ego that stops you from saying what you really want to say.

I don’t know how to tell you this, but I’m a zen master. The first rule of being a zen master is that you don’t talk about being a zen master, but the second rule is fuck the rules. A strange thing happened when I realized that I was a zen master. I realized that “spiritual people” suck. Like they seriously fucking suck. I’m talking about all the corny ass touristy type spirituality that you can buy in a shop. You know, the psychic shops with the rocks that will align your chakras or whatever. The worst part is they’ll charge you money to align your chakras. I’m fine with people charging money for services or whatever, but profiting off other people’s ignorance is a shitty thing to do. And shouldn’t the spirit world take care of them if their “spiritual services” were actually worth a shit?

Then there’s the fucking Christians who only want you to convert to their way of looking at the world. With their God, and their rules and their bombs and their bombs. I hate to shit on Christianity because my whole family is Christian, but it only has rules to follow with no path towards internal change which is far more important than appearing to be pious. Ironincally, I think this was something that Jesus said, but as per usual anyone in the spiritual world is hell bent on feeding you their view instead of listening to yours. Enough Christian bashing though, that shit is way too mainstream for me.

There’s also a lot of corny phrases that “spiritual people” say. We need to accept all paths is one of them. Um actually no we fucking don’t. All paths in this life should be vigourously questioned, or we end up with pedophile rings in the Catholic Church and a bunch of phoney baloney spiritual gurus blowing smoke out of their ass because most people are just too scared to lake a good honest look at themselves.

I’m sure some of you may be getting offended as you probably like some of these authors like Eckhart Toll or Deepak Chopra, but fuck those guys. The best part is those assholes can’t even be offended by my words right now because they are beyond their egos. If they actually got mad that would ruin who they appear to be. Believe it or not those stupid assholes have stupid problems just like you and me. Some of you are probably thinking “Hey now Jake Runde, you can ‘t be saying mean things because spirituality is about learning about loving kindness and spreading love.”

Indeed it is, but it’s also about calling bullshit on people so that you can actually help them. I’ve been around enough people to know that some people are just ticking time bombs. And all the namastes in the world won’t stop someone from breaking if their life goes in the “wrong direction”. A healthy spiritual practice will help you keep your head when all goes wrong. An unhealthy one will leave you frustrated because you “did everything right” and spreaded positive vibes throughout the universe and life still took a shit on you. Don’t get me wrong, spreading love is insanely important, but if you want something in return for it you’re still attached to the outcome and not really living in the present.

If you consider yourself to be on a spiritual path you should ask yourself what you’re trying to get out of it, because if you’re trying to get something out of it, you never will.

Because the truth about the nature of the self is that it’s an endless abyss. There is absolutely nothing to find. But first you have to find that nothing. Whatever it takes. Meditation helps, and diving right in is probably the best thing you can do (there is a thing called vippassana meditation and they do 10 day retreats on a strictly donation basis because real spiritual knowledge is free).

I’ve also taken myself on many a psychedelic adventure as well, and I’ve found that psychedelic drugs aren’t meant to be taken to have fun. In fact, the bad trip is when you learn the most. When you look your fear right in it’s ugly face. It looks like a human, but it’s got snakes coming out of it’s eyes and a cigarette hanging out of it’s mouth. And it’s all in your head, and it’s not leaving. Do you know what you do? You say hello to that terrifying creature, and he plays you the most beautiful song that you’ve ever heard, because all fear ever wanted was a friend. And this is all happening inside of your head. A whole other universe inside of you that is as vast as the cosmos we inhabit. But you were too busy being afraid of your fear to realize this.

I’ve been afraid to be beautiful. My whole life. That’s all I’ve been scared of. It’s probably the most pathetic thing anyone could ever say. I just got lucky enough to lose all my friends. Only to find friends that showed me how beautiful it is to be beautiful. How great it is to sing and dance your heart out drunk at 4 in the morning. But the world needs truth now more than ever and being beautiful will help. Find your friends they’re in your head, and soon you’ll be in a daze cuz you found God (listen to Lithium by Nirvana if you’re not laughing right now).

Stop stopping yourself from being what you want to be in this life. Stop caring about what other people think. Because that’s all in your head too. Damn near everything in this life is just inside of your head and your body too I suppose. I’m not saying it’s easy, because it’s not. A new thing I’ve been doing when I find myself worrying about what other people think is that I say in my head “That ain’t rock and roll, bitch.” Because unfortunately, as much as I love the people in my life, we’re all going through this life alone. I mean we’re here together, but each one of us dies alone. You are experiencing reality by yourself. So why care about what other people think? There’s other people in the world who will seriously appreciate the fact that you don’t care what they think.

Because if you want the life of your dreams you’re going to have to be a rockstar. In whatever it is that you do. Be a fucking rockstar at it. Stop caring about what other people think. Learn to live with nothing to prove. Because there is seriously nothing to prove, and who are you trying to prove it to? I like to think I’m living like I got nothing to prove, but maybe this article is me trying to prove that I have nothing to prove which is an utterly preposterous thing.

If you want to figure out who you are just figure out what you ain’t. It makes things a lot easier that way. As humans we create and we destroy. And I think most of us would be better off if we destroyed what people told us to be, and start creating who we ought to be.

Love you!

Zen Master Jake Runde Order of the Eternal Meow