John Tavares – New York Islanders

After failing to re-sign his captain to the patented DiPietro contract he tries out on all of his star free agents, GM Garth Snow gets fed up with the 26-year-old's negotiating tactics and forces him to waive his no-movement clause. Snow's frustration with Tavares reaches a boiling point after the centreman tells him he was a better goaltender than he is a general manager.

Dustin Brown – Los Angeles Kings

Since being replaced by Anze Kopitar as captain last year, Brown has spent the past 12 months trying to sabotage the Slovenian at every opportunity. Some of his subversive tactics include constantly referring to Kopitar's home country as Slovakia, as well as inviting all of his teammates except for the captain to his birthday at Chuck E. Cheese in November.

Nikita Kucherov – Tampa Bay Lightning

After finally employing a Russian translator to follow the forward around, management was actually able to figure out what he was saying all along. None of it can be published in this family-friendly publication.

The Goal Cannon – Columbus Blue Jackets

In need desperate need to find an identity, the Golden Knights opt to select the only thing that gives the Blue Jackets theirs.

Lee Stempniak – Carolina Hurricanes

The addition of the league's 31st team gives Stempniak the chance to do the unthinkable for a player with his skill set: break a record. Vegas would be his 11th team, putting him just one behind journeyman Mike Sillinger. Expect him to break that record by November 2017.

Riley Sheahan – Detroit Red Wings

Every team needs a whipping boy, and Vegas has been given a gift in Sheahan. The 25-year-old managed to go 79 games without scoring a single goal last season, only to pot two in the final game. Get your bronx cheers ready, Vegas!

Jakob Silfverberg – Anaheim Ducks

After failing to trade one of his defencemen away, Ducks GM Bob Murray gets flustered and picks the guy whose name he still can't pronounce.

Bernie the St. Bernard – Colorado Avalanche

Although St. Bernard comes with his well-documented baggage, the canine has plenty to offer his new teammates. With a compete level not seen in Denver since the Sakic days, he'll keep fans on the edge of their seats all game long.

Tyler Pitlick – Edmonton Oilers

Vegas is one big circus, and every circus needs its freaks. Pitlick will be charged with entertaining the fans from the penalty box with his signature Pitlick, the trick his family was named after.

Martin Erat – Nashville Predators

After successfully robbing Washington with the trade for Filip Forsberg four years ago, the Preds ask for another favour out of forward Martin Erat. Seeing this as a golden opportunity, George McPhee scoops up the 35-year-old in the hopes that he'll provide his team with a boost in the playoffs.

David Perron – St. Louis Blues

After a strict team rule of No Douchey Visors was put into place last month, GM Doug Armstrong has no choice but to leave Perron unprotected.

Dustin Byfuglien – Winnipeg Jets

After being repeatedly told that he's never allowed to take faceoffs, Big Buff waives his NMC in the hopes of playing for someone that will let him improve the craft.

Derek MacKenzie – Florida Panthers

As is tradition, every expansion team needs a captain whose name will be forgotten in a few years, and MacKenzie gifts the franchise that chance. At the same time, the Panthers are able to let him go in a dignified manner, just like the girl whose ugly first boyfriend moved out of state because of his dad's work.

Devante Smith-Pelley – New Jersey Devils

Every GM loves to trot out the mantra "You can't teach size" when speaking to the media. Smith-Pelley will give George McPhee plenty of opportunities to use the line when he fails to crack 20 points each of the next few years.

Joe Thornton & Brent Burns' beards – San Jose Sharks

The beards of Thornton and Burns bring with them years of playoff experience including a long run to the cup finals last year. Once surgically removed from their faces, the beards can be used interchangeably on various players in the lineup.

Pierre-Edouard Bellemare – Philadelphia Flyers

Looking to increase their reach in uptapped European markets, the Golden Knights select one of the three French players in the NHL. It will act as a signal to all cheese makers that "The official Brie of the Vegas Golden Knights" is still open to the best offer.

Colby Armstrong – Pittsburgh Penguins

After signing a month-long contract with his old team, Colby is picked by Vegas and entrusted with being Marc-Andre Fleury's father away from home. In a transitioning role with foster mom Phillipp Grubauer, Armstrong will teach the netminder how Fleury likes his grilled cheese sandwiches on game day, and the best way to tuck him in at night.

Eric Fehr – Toronto Maple Leafs

The Leafs become the luckiest team in the league, by not losing a single player to the expansion draft.

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