Director: So Rick, just relax and deliver the lines to camera, ok?

Rick Perry: Ok. And you like the jacket, right?

Director: Yes, the jacket is fine.

Rick Perry: Just fine?

Director: More than fine. It’s amazing.

Rick Perry: I love how the collar is dark brown, but the jacket is light brown. It makes me feel like a lumberjack.

Director: You look great.

Rick Perry: I feel great! Like I can karate chop that tree back there in half.

Director: Ok Rick, why don’t you take a few steps back…

Rick Perry: I got it at Ross.

Director: What?

Rick Perry: Ross. The bargain department store. That’s where I got it. Lot of good deals at Ross.

Director: Uhuh, that’s great. So let’s just back up a bit and…

Rick Perry: $20. That’s what it cost.

Director: Wow, that’s great Rick.

Rick Perry: Uh, duh!

Director: (sighs) Ok Rick, let’s just back up a few…

Rick Perry: I wish I could run for President of Ross. I got some big ideas.

Director: Rick! Everyone is ready! Back up a few steps!

Rick Perry: You bet!

Director: All quiet on the set! Speed! Annnd action!

Rick Perry: First things first, they need a new shoe policy.

Director: Cut! Rick, your line.

Rick Perry: Oh yeah, sorry. I was just thinking about the shoe section at Ross. Have you been there? It’s like Afghanistan for shoes.

Director: What?

Rick Perry: We’ve lost a lot of soles at Ross.

Director: Listen Rick, we’re losing daylight… are you crying?!?

Rick Perry: Sorry. I get emotional sometimes about things I care about.

Director: Rick, we’ve been out here for two hours and still haven’t got a single useable take. We need to focus on the task at hand.

Rick Perry: Talking Christmas and hating gays?

Director: Well that’s one way of putting it.

The director looks down at his watch.

Rick Perry: Ok Rick, we have thirty minutes of light left so let’s take a few steps back and…

The director looks up and sees that Rick Perry has taken off his jacket and is shaking it at a squirrel like a Spanish bullfighter.

Director: God dammit.

Rick Perry: Back squirrel, back! This is your President speaking!