Transcript:

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling Chagrin Falls "In The Trenches" Woman: So, I'm visiting my sister for Christmas, and then I'm going to have a New Year's party. Mother: Sounds like you'll be having two happy holidays! Daughter: Mom! Mother: Oh, no! I said the phrase. OPEN THE DOORS, OR THEY'LL BREAK THEM DOWN! Cliff: Set up at the far wall! Keep the tree out of the shot! And get some of the less fat kids behind me. BAM Cliff: Cliff Bottoms, reporting for FOX News from the sleepy hamlet of Chagrin Falls, where the townsfolk are forbidden to say, "Merry Christmas!" Mother: Actually, we a... FOX NEWS WAR ON CHRISTMAS Cliff: This middle school "Holiday" party is an orgy of atheistic rules. The Christmas tree is called a "Godless Greenery," and children are forced to wear "Solstice Sarongs!" FOX NEWS CHRISTIANS FED TO Cliff: Never has it been more important to buy my book, just $29.99 at fine bookstores near you. Back to you, Evan. And...Merry Christmas! FOX NEWS CLIFF BOTTOMS My Fight to Save Christ and All That You Hold Dear Cliff: Come on, if we hurry, we can catch the 4:17. Mother: Should we contact them and let them know that we're not required to say "Happy Ho..." Woman: DON'T SAY IT! THEY'LL COME BACK!