Yo probably this has been addressed before but bear with me.

Haven’t you noticed that all males have all these… negative traits that are like, their defining feature?

Ludo, Rhombulus and Tom are childish, visceral and get angry easily.

River is obnoxious, immature and idiotic. Omnitraxus, just…there.

Oskar is the textbook definition of a loser and more irrelevant than ever.

All other male characters are either too whatever or too non-existent: Skeeves, Francis, Justin, Ferguson, Alfonzo, Manfred, Preston, Gustav. Ruberiot? One-episode wonder, a total ditz in the next one. Gemini? Creepy. Just Creepy. Mr. Candle! Mr. Who? What about the Demoncism Doctor? Oh, he ran away.

Sensei. Audience who won’t buy no merchandise will never learn his real name.Who can care about this 30-something mama’s boy? Bastard is a brony joke for crying out loud.

Who the fuck was Jeremy, again?

Also can someone tell me what the hell Lekmet was? Dude could easily been the wisest of male characters if he ever TALKED. And he loved cans for some damn reason.

What can we say about father figures? Rafael and Buffrog? Fools with a heart of gold and a few shining moments? Bah.

I mean just Ludo, River and Tom who are kinda the most developed male characters have their most memorable moments one second and then we are reminded of either their villainy or incompetence or childishness right in the next.

Seriously, look at the most leader-like and competent of male chars: Toffee and Glossaryck. Especially in season three! What happened?

Toffee? The general of an army (Of an incopetent and meek king, mind you). Highly competent. A true villain. Only he knows how this all turns out. And I believe him. Then season 3 happened. Blasted in less than three seconds. Disappointing end.

Glossaryck? Unpredictable. Yeah, obnoxious and creepy but he still had that mystical aura of wisdom that makes you want to keep both eyes on him. Also kinda looks like he pulls the strings of more things than we know. Look at him now. Degraded to behave like a dog. And can calm down with the right rub on his gemstone. Pitiful.

So we can say that male characters are all pretty irrelevant; and the relevant ones have all their positive traits overshadowed by either villainy or stupidity. Or both.

I think I’m forgetting someone. Anyway, moving on. You don’t see that with the girls. Hell no.

Moonie is not defined by the fact that she screwed up on her teens by maiming a threat instead of killing him. She is defined because she is a badass queen and far more competent (or leader-like?) than her husband.

Mina is bigoted, obnoxious, delusional and cruel but she is POWERFUL AS FUCK.

Remember Heinous who was like, the butt of the jokes? She is Meteora now and she no longer fucking around.

Ponyhead. She gets away with whatever shit she pulls even if she is, well…Ponyhead.

Hekapoo. She had our attention the very MOMENT she showed up. She steals the show every episode she is in, no joke.

And Kelly is getting better and better since the first time we saw her.

Eclipsa. Ooooh shit even if she was presented as a potential threat and like, the ultimate evil what we have now is a beautiful, mysterious woman in her 30s that doesn’t look evil, but she looks veeery interesting. (We are supposed to root for the one who cheated on her husband because it was with a monster and we love equality, right? Right.)

And we don’t even look at the earth girls. Jackie and Angie. I dare you to say something negative about them that actually make it in the show. Don’t worry. I’ll wait. (Seriously whatever bad shit happens it’s the guys fault. Jackie got sad because of Marco. Angie the feeew times she loses her temper is because of Rafael….or Marco.)

Starfan, Sabrina, Brittney, Chantelle, Hope, Leah… Irrelevant but by leagues more interesting than… the earth boys, for example.

Janna is a tricky one. She has flaws she can get away with tho. Just like Ponyhead.

I mean c'mon, you see it now, don'tcha? And don’t get me wrong, I love it. I love the characters. They WORK. They are endearing. In the little ways they show up they make the show interesting and awesome. I can live with River being a moron compared to Moon or with Tom being so anal-retentive compared to, say Jackie who is so chill and zen.

The main characters tho. Star and Marco. I am not totally sure if their development was supposed to go this way or to… you know, balance each other. I know there’s a lot of stuff yet to happen but heh, just… keep reading.

The first two seasons were absolutely balanced. Star, a hyped princess who can wield magic and needs to tone it down a notch, but with a tremendous sense of loyalty and justice. Marco, a regular mexican-american kid who is organized, really safe and really needs to go out of his bubble. No surprise. They complemented each other. He made her realize history revisionism, she made him believe in invisible goats. They both kicked ass together. Synchronization, Harmony. They separate and bam. Cleaved wand.

Then they separate again and BAM, Battle for Mewni. Now they are facing this kind of separation when they are torn apart even when they are standing right beside each other. Funny, huh.

And it SHOWS. Their interactions just don’t feel right. Unnatural. Forced. That fight in Lint Catcher was almost like nostalgia. She is too busy learning about herself and the injustice in her kingdom and he is just…doing what exactly? To prove himself? To pursue her? To find out once and for all if he can really make something out of himself or all he achieved was because he is connected to the princess? What exactly gives him value? That ain’t a show question. That’s a character question.

Is Marco getting the “male treatment” or is this what was supposed to happen to him in order to make him grow? I mean, this season has brought bad stuff from Marco that he simply can’t shake off. Dude behaved like a prick in Sophomore Slump. Got dumped because he handled poorly his relationship with Jackie, then proceeded to just out of nowhere appear on Star’s doorstep, and endangering her life while straining his friendship with Hekapoo. Meanwhile Star seems to be taking control of her life and magic, getting back with Tom and surprise surprise, taking her role as a future ruler seriously and being active about it for the first time on her life! (Also, ain’t it funny that when Star came to Earth it was just cuz she “needed” to train, but when Marco came to Mewni his reasoning seems to be buried into a bunch of factors ranging from Jackie to selfish self-pity?)

She said so: “I need no hero, I need a friend”. “I have to figure this out on my own”. yadda yadda. It seems a pretty attractive idea. I need no one. I am a strong independent woman, wielder of magic and a crown princess to boot. This hispanic guy is just a pet. An accessory. Dude wanted to be near me so I made up a position just to squeeze him in. Because I can. Sigh. If this is the direction this is going I don’t think the writing team is doing a good job. I don’t think degrading characters to make others more appealing is a smart move. Hell, Marco’s wand was a ying yang first. BALANCE.

Then again. There’s the possibility of that NOT being the case.

If the subtle hints of Mewni history regarding their queens have thought us something is that being a Queen and mastering Magic do NOT make a queen almighty. Or even wise.

The first Queen probably ordered a Monster Massacre that caused a grudge that lasts to this day.

Moon’s mother Comet walked right into a trap believing she could have peace (where the FUCK was her king?) she got killed and a young princess wirh zero experience had to step in .



Moon herself, the only relevant moment of her rule was a half-assed fight against Toffee and denying her own revenge out of fear. The result? Toffee came back and almost get the best of her if not for her own daughter.



And Eclipsa? Broke her first family and the dynasty, and the kingdom due to her fling with a monster. (And produced a bastard child that might or might not be the harbinger of death.)

Unbalanced rulers make bad decisions with baaad consequences. Kings are either absent, or too young, or too dead, or too idiotic to bring the balance their Queen needs to rule the kingdom properly. In Clipsy’s case, if she found the balance she needed with the monster then why fleeing? She even doomed her new family when she did. Again. Balance. How can a ruler bring her people together when her own life is torn apart? You know where I’m going with this?



Star wants to take an active role bringing mewmen and monsters together. Turns out she can’t. She is waaaay too unbalanced to even attempt to make a difference. External circumstances are no help either. I ain’t even talking about magic power or mastery over it. Mina is way too powerful but bitch is funny in the head. Mastery of magic with an unbalanced mind is usless at best and disastrous at worst!

You know who can help her to at least bring some balance in her life? Hint: He is figuring out how to be a squire while recently head over heels for her.

So maybe, the lesson eventually is that all that “I need no one” thing is actually what brought so much pain and misery in that crapsack world. And if Star wants to make some good in it she NEEDS help.

She needs her balance.

She needs her King.

And wouldn’t you know it? Marco was the only male character I forgot to mention on the first half of the rant. I wonder why…( the only salvagable dude in a world where having a dick makes you either an usless moron or a villain. )

Or, you know. Maybe I’m kinda looking too much into it. I blame it on the hiatus.