Navy vet and youth mentor Michael Aichholzer realised he'd become a person he never wanted to be.

Angry, aggressive and violent.

His behaviour was shaped by a verbally abusive and violent childhood and exacerbated by a hypermasculine navy culture which encouraged more of it.

After years of neglecting to address the issue, Michael eventually found himself contemplating suicide.

If you or anyone you know wants advice or help: Men's Referral Service 1300 766 491

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1800 Respect national helpline 1800 737 732 Mensline: 1300 164 277

Mensline: 1300 164 277 Women's Crisis Line 1800 811 811

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Lifeline (24-hour crisis line) 13 11 14 No to Violence: 1300 766 491

"I was driving over the West Gate Bridge in Melbourne. I just suddenly thought, what would it be like if I stopped the car, jumped over the railing and just fell?"

After seeking help, Michael decided to turn his experience into something positive, by helping other young men deal with their own issues.

"I just want to show young guys where you start doesn't dictate where you end up," he says.

The problem

While the perpetrators of violence in Australia are often men, it's important to note that angry men aren't necessarily aggressive or violent men.

Anger is its own thing and it's a perfectly natural emotion, Michael says.

"It's what people do with it that's the problem," Michael says.

"Without intervention, it can lead down a very dark path."

The challenge is young Australian men are the least likely to access mental health services, and it's more startling when you look at young men from a minority background.

Symptoms of mental ill-health in young men often manifest through externalising behaviours including anger, risk-taking, alcohol and drug use rather than affective symptoms such as feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness.

These symptoms are sometimes missed or overlooked as they don't readily fit with existing diagnostic criteria.

Compared to women, young men are less likely to be diagnosed with a common mental health condition, while at the same time, three times more likely to take their own lives.

So, if you're struggling with destructive anger, it's important to know there are ways to manage it, both in the short and long term. We spoke to a couple of experts to find out how.

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Recognise the physical signs

Zac Seidler is a clinical psychologist and a Research Fellow with Orygen at The University of Melbourne.

He says that anger is a manifestation of distress in men.

"If it's interfering with your personal life, your employment or your relationships, it's time to seek help," Dr Seidler says.

If you're so used to being angry all the time, it can be hard to view it as anything but normal. That's why it's often difficult for men to accept or even identify they have an anger issue.

Dr Seidler says that dealing with anger in the short term requires mindfulness. That means asking yourself things like, "What does my anger physically feel like? Am I breathing fast, feeling hot, clenching my fists?"

"Ask yourself: 'Can I pick this up before it gets out of control?'"

Then it's about figuring out the situations that are making you angry.

"Why does this get to me and how can I view it differently?"

Dr Seidler says to think of anger as a destination on a train line.

"On a train, you can choose to get off at any stop, but men are really good at going all the way to the end of the line very quickly."

Therapy

For Michael, a lot of the rage and anger he felt as a younger person came from feelings of inadequacy and trying to cover them up.

"They came from growing up in a system where you were expected to 'be a man' and to be a man, you were hard, you were tough, and you fought for what was yours," he says.

Michael credits acceptance and commitment therapy for helping him make sense of it all.

"The great thing about [acceptance and commitment therapy] is it really focuses on you learning about your emotions and where they come from, and teaches you the tools you need to deal with them," Michael says.

Dr Seidler says effective therapists will look at what you're motivated to change in your behaviour and why.

You can read here for a step-by-step guide on how to choose which mental health professional is right for you and here for how to find the right psychologist for your needs.

Behaviour change programs

Understanding the causes of a person's anger doesn't mean you excuse or accept the sometimes violent ways they deal with it.

Domestic violence statistics, for example, paint a grim picture when it comes to the lives of many Australian women.

Jacquie Watt is the CEO of No to Violence, an organisation that works with men to end family violence in Victoria and New South Wales.

They offer behavioural change programs for men, but Ms Watt says since the service started in 1993, fewer men are utilising the service out of their own volition.

"Now, the majority of men who come through … are mandated by the court system."

Often the starting point of the conversation for these men is they weren't at fault; someone else was.

"Men will often refuse to account for their own behaviour and don't recognise you have a choice whether you're violent or not," Ms Watt says.

They insist the system is stacked against them and they hold a victim mentality.

"And we know where it comes from: it's the fear of being outed and shamed as a violent person."

Ms Watt says while change is possible, it's ultimately down to the individual.

"What we try to do is to put all the supports in place to encourage and empathise without colluding," she says.

Therapy programs usually run for several weeks at a time and aim to teach men to be accountable for their behaviour while focusing on keeping women and children safe.

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Exercise

"When I look at options for dealing with anger, physical exercise is definitely one of them," Michael says.

Exercise is a known stress reliever, so whether it's lifting weights or running, just getting active can help.

Michael was diagnosed with a mental health condition as well as an adjustment disorder and says getting in the gym helped him manage his anxiety and depression.

"I also take the dogs for a walk and ride a motorcycle," he says.

Find a role model

Modelling yourself on people in your life who you admire and respect can help you to start changing your behaviour.

Michael credits the role models in his life for helping him change, particularly his partner Katherine's dad.

"Katherine's dad had been in a lot of the same environments but had a whole different way of looking at things," Michael says.

"It showed me there was a different way, really, to be a bloke," he says.

On iview you can watch A Few Good Blokes, which follows the stories of three Australian men who explore what it means to be a good male role model today.