Catherine Deneuve is one of 100 women to denounce the #MeToo movement. Credit:Shutterstock

The chief complaint of the letter's five French authors (Sarah Chiche, Catherine Millet, Catherine Robbe-Grillet, Peggy Sastre and Abnousse Shalmani) seems to be that the #MeToo movement has gone too far, and any men who have so much as glanced at a woman across the span of their whole lives are now being rounded up and locked in cages. This is, of course, one hundred per cent true and not at all a paranoid overreaction in keeping with the kind of hyperbole normally propagated by the laughably named men's rights movement.

Roughly 30 years ago, when feminists first began drafting plans to stage the world's most slow-burning collusion against men, it was decided that large scale farms would be built to imprison all of the men whose lives we would gleefully ruin. We could kill them of course, but then where would we harvest sperm for the next generation of women? Besides, we're not monsters; we just wear comfortable shoes.

Until this morning, I was a feminist. I had completed the 13 tasks necessary to be inducted into the Coven that controls all of the world's finances and governments (the real Illuminati) and was well on my way to achieving High Priestess status. But, after reading the French perspective, I've been convinced to turn my back on the movement I once recognised as life-saving. As the letter reads, "Philosopher Ruwen Ogien defended the freedom to offend as essential to artistic creation. In the same way, we defend a freedom to bother as indispensable to sexual freedom."

Firstly, what woman doesn't love having a male philosopher quoted at them as evidence that they're wrong? I'll tell you who. The same women ("feminists") who don't love being bothered on the street or in the workplace, in the home or at school. The dried up, sexless old bats (oh yes, I see their true faces now!) who would seek to criminalise a man just for trapping a female subordinate in his office and masturbating in front of her while she tries to vomit discreetly in the corner, who would actually have a man fired from his place of employment just because he sent unsolicited photographs of his penis to someone 20 years younger than him and told her all the things he'd like to do with it. Doesn't that sound nice? A little clumsy maybe, but hardly a reinforcement of structural inequality and power differentials in a volatile workplace where nobody can afford to upset the boss.