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Michael Owen has revealed that he hates films so much, he has only seen EIGHT of them. In his entire life! Eight!

Can anybody really hate films? Can you feel so affected by watching a film that the hate builds up inside until you can't control it anymore?

We don't like the idea of Michael being so full of hate, so we've come up with versions of those eight movies that we think Michael might prefer slightly.

While we were at it, we had a think about how Michael's review of those films might sound. If you've ever listened to his co-commentary, you'll see where we're coming from...

ROCKY. “This is a film about boxing. Rocky was a tough guy, that's for sure."

HEAT. "A film about robbing banks. Interestingly, the 'heat' doesn't actually refer to the temperature."

JURASSIC PARK. "What they've done here is build an island with dinosaurs on it. Could be a problem, that."

COOL RUNNINGS. “Bobsleigh is all about running fast at the start. If you do that, you've got a good chance.”

SEABISCUIT. “I love racehorses. This film is about a racehorse who won a few races, so that's always good. "

KARATE KID. “I didn't know you could break a piece of wood with your hand. I do now.”

FORREST GUMP. “I've got to say, Forrest did well to run that far.”