I just read that I’m now a minority in California. Does this mean whites can’t be discriminated against any more, now that we, too, are a minority? Don’t hold your breath.

In the hierarchy of victimhood black Africans are at the top of the heap. If you’re from Kenya you qualify, even if you’re just off the boat. At the bottom are whites and Asians. Why, exactly, Asians can be discriminated against in favor of Kenyans is a bit of a mystery, but there it is. In the middle are Hispanics, American Indians, Pacific Islanders, and, I believe, Australian aborigines, although I’m not sure about that one.

If you’re from Spain you’re Hispanic, but you’re white, too. What’s to be done with you? There are Mexicans who are as “white” as I am, but for some reason they get first dibs. Why?

It’s all very confusing, so I propose a scientific form of affirmative action, one based on DNA. Everybody will have their racial identity established by DNA, and your score will determine the extent to which you may be discriminated against. American blacks average about 20% white blood, so as long as you scored an 80 on the blackness of your blood you’d qualify for the head of the line. If you’re all white and/or Asian, go to the rear. If you’re like Obama, half and half, you’d only get a 50% preference. If you can show some Indian blood — say 10% — you get to move up ten places. Some Hispanics are white, some are black, some are Native American, and most are some combination. Black and Native American Hispanics qualify for full affirmative action. But if you’re a half white Hispanic, according to your DNA, you only get a 50% boost. Ted Cruz, eat your heart out.