One of my great disappointments in the early Christian church fathers is that, in putting together what we now know as the Christian Bible, they included Revelations, the fever-dream of the Apostle John – or someone like him – who wrote it half-mad from thirst in a cave on Patmos, or someplace like it. I will grant you that it's some of the best writing in the whole Bible. To wit:

And he carried me away in the spirit to a great and high mountain, and shewed me that great city, the holy Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God, having the glory of God: and her light was like unto a stone most precious, even like a jasper stone, clear as crystal. And had a wall great and high, and had twelve gates, and at the gates twelve angels, and names written thereon, which are the names of the twelve tribes of the children of Israel: On the east three gates; on the north three gates; on the south three gates; and on the west three gates. And the wall of the city had twelve foundations, and in them the names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb. And he that talked with me had a golden reed to measure the city, and the gates thereof, and the wall thereof. And the city lieth foursquare, and the length is as large as the breadth: and he measured the city with the reed, twelve thousand furlongs. The length and the breadth and the height of it are equal. And he measured the wall thereof, an hundred and forty and four cubits, according to the measure of a man, that is, of the angel. And the building of the wall of it was of jasper: and the city was pure gold, like unto clear glass. And the foundations of the wall of the city were garnished with all manner of precious stones. The first foundation was jasper; the second, sapphire; the third, a chalcedony; the fourth, an emerald; The fifth, sardonyx; the sixth, sardius; the seventh, chrysolite; the eighth, beryl; the ninth, a topaz; the tenth, a chrysoprasus; the eleventh, a jacinth; the twelfth, an amethyst.] And the twelve gates were twelve pearls; every several gate was of one pearl: and the street of the city was pure gold, as it were transparent glass.

That, I maintain, is a heaven worth dying for.

However, before you get to that part, there is all that bloodshed, and the return of Disemboweling Jesus, and all manner of things that have caused a terrible amount of religious mischief down through the centuries, chief among them the implication by the author that salvation is reserved for the elect. (By contrast, if memory serves, the Apocalypse of Peter, which did not make the canonical cut, allowed for everyone to walk the streets of golden glass, albeit after some folks had served an indeterminate stretch in hell.) It also opened the door to things like the Left Behind series, Gregory Peck's second-most embarrassing role, and comical episodes like Mike Huckabee's recent trip to Israel.

Asked about his visit to a settlement regarded as illegal under international law, Huckabee told journalists: "I was not in the least hesitant to go to Shilo…3,500 years ago it was the capital of Israel. The fact that it is in Samaria [the biblical name for the West Bank] is immaterial to me. I would happily go to Shilo at any time… Rejecting the use of the words "West Bank", Huckabee said it should be called "Judea and Samaria", adding: "I don't see it as occupied, that makes it appear as if someone is illegally taking land. I don't see it that way." He went on: "In America, we have about a 400-year relationship to Manhattan. It would be as if I came and said we need to end our occupation of Manhattan. I'm pretty sure most Americans would find that laughable."

As is fairly well known, American evangelical hucksters are big fans of Israel because, when all the Jewish people are gathered there, then Revelations tells us that Disemboweling Jesus will come down to star in The Big Finish. But that doesn't mean we have to send the likes of the Huck over there as an advance man. In her book on Revelations, the great Elaine Pagels points out that, back in the day, apocalyptic writings were as political as they were spiritual. Not much has changed there. St. Athanasius has a lot to answer for.

Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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