5 Truths About Maintaining a Loving Relationship When You Have Bipolar Disorder

By Andrea Paquette







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Having bipolar disorder is challenging when it comes to maintaining healthy relationships, but there is much we can do to encourage the acceptance of ourselves and one another.

I have been in love many times throughout my life and have had a number of long-term relationships. The last one ended after we were together for over five years.

I have learned a lot from these experiences and I am compelled to share my learnings in hopes of reaching those who are either embarking into a new relationship with someone who has bipolar disorder, or for the person living with a mental health condition themselves.

A key feature of having bipolar disorder is the crippling lows of depression, and feeling this way while living with my former boyfriend was common. I often spent days in bed as my energy levels were depleted. He remained bewildered with my behavior and had expressed that perhaps I was just lazy.

Although a tongue-in-cheek comment, I still took it to heart. I assumed that he knew the difference between laziness and depression, but he never read any of the articles that I sent him (which explained this distinction), so unfortunately he actually failed to educate himself.

What would I ask for now if I did it all over again? Since there were times where I barely had the energy to prepare a meal for myself, I would request soup in bed, or something easily prepared.

I also love affection and during my lowest times, I welcome a warm embrace, a massage, or even something as simple as a kiss on the forehead.

I hope to hear one simple question from a partner someday which is, “What do you need from me right now?”

Eventually the depressive episode would pass, but not without hurt feelings for I always felt alone in my darkest struggles.

I am often high-functioning and my ex-boyfriend simply acted as if I did not have a mental health condition at all.

However, there was one particular instance during the beginning of our relationship that stands out to this day. Many years ago, I experienced bouts of psychosis and there was one night where I experienced hallucinations. I had tried a new medication for another ailment and it reacted negatively with my bipolar meds.

My partner did not get nervous, judgmental or uncomfortable, but he did something that I never even thought to do myself, which is to call the crisis line and ask for advice and help. The visual hallucinations subsided, and in that moment, I knew he did love me, but as time went on, he just did not get it—bipolar or me.

What would an ideal relationship look like for those dealing with bipolar, from my experience?

1. Sharing information about bipolar disorder is essential

This can include personal memoirs of those who have lived experience with mental illness, or medical facts online. However, always ensure that information is reliable and accurate.

2. Encourage each other to be mentally and physically healthy by sharing in long walks, outdoor activities and all things meaningful

Physical and mental health go hand-in-hand, so eliminating unhealthy habits is great for both involved.

3. Don’t be afraid to talk about it

Stigma is a silent killer. Make light of bipolar when you can, and shed the shame because if someone is really going to love you, then they will want to know all about you—everything.

4. Communication is key

It is great to be aware and clear about what your triggers are and how best to deal with them when bipolar mood alterations happen. If we are not clear about what we need as someone living with an illness, then how are our partners able to be there for us?

5. A person can love someone with bipolar all that they want; however, it is truly up to the person who is dealing with the illness to take care of themselves

We all have things go array that are out of our control, but there ought to be a commitment to each other to always aim to be the best version of themselves. I often wonder if any potential partner will be able to really understand and accept me for all that I am. I know that I have bipolar disorder, and I am not defined by this illness, but it is in fact a part of who I am.

It is easy to become disillusioned in relationships, but these tips may help us to have a better chance at long-term success, if that is your goal. Not all relationships are meant to last forever, so all we can do is treasure them for what they are—opportunities for growth and learning.

Maintaining a relationship may be challenging when faced with bipolar disorder, however, I feel deeper and more intensely because of it and that is a gift not afforded to many.

As someone who has bipolar disorder, you deserve to lead a life that cultivates healthy and loving relationships, and with the right person, anything is possible.