When a train is late we do not applaud. When Hitler became runner-up in the war, the streets of Berlin were not lined with bunting in his honour. And if a union goes out on strike in support of their brothers and sisters in another sector, we arrest its members. That's because second (and secondary action in the case of my third well-thought-out analogy) is a bad thing.

Why then is this nation happy to tolerate – celebrate, even – the abysmal performances of Team GB which result in anything other than gold medals at the London 2012 Olympics?

As chief executive of the perhaps little-known Channel 8 Television (Britain's brightest broadcaster), I have to say it beggars belief that BBC pundits and the nation at large continually tell these athletes they've let no one down – they have.

Several of the team have at least had the dignity to apologise in their post-match interviews but many, it seems, are happy simply to remind us that you'll get to see it all again at Rio 2016.

Hailed by the media as heroes, regardless of placement, it is no wonder that the athletics community looks so smug. Contrary to popular myth, these people are no more heroic than the audience share of ITV1 in recent weeks.

Now it's hard not to admire the commitment that some of the young, nubile female athletes have made to toning their physiques for our viewing pleasure. But that in itself is nothing more than I can see on several special-interest websites I favour – where, believe me, there are far happier endings than simply a gold medal.

Olympians may dedicate most of their waking hours to developing their throwing, jumping, paddling or riding skills, but they are not liberating countries, curing ravaging diseases or commissioning high quality television programmes – in short, to describe them as heroes (even if they do win gold – which most don't) is rather stretching the definition of the word.

No, the reality is, these "selfless" athletes who wake up at dawn and train until midnight "just to be rewarded by a few minutes of fame every four years" are living charmed lives.

You see, most of them have never had a proper job in their lives, instead relying on wealthy benefactors and National Lottery funding to pay for their self-indulgence.

And what do we get back from our "investment" in these Olympic heroes (and losers) … a couple of minutes of average television twice a decade. Is that value for money? No.

But there's more. Because whilst we, the nation, are pumping cash into Team GB like Simon Cowell into Red or Cack?, its "success stories" are milking any exposure they can get for personal gain. Not only do they get medals, parades and newspaper front covers, but they also receive lucrative sponsorship deals from multinational companies. Do these athletic superstars pay back with interest any money they've ever received to assist them with their training? Hmm, I wonder?

Nope, being a British Olympian is a win-win situation. You're cashed up to indulge in your hobby 24/7. If you're good you become a national treasure, offered a place on Strictly Come Dancing and made a cash cow by a pharmaceutical giant. If you lose you're a "plucky hero", get your ego (and who knows what else) massaged by the great and the good off the telly, and you continue to be paid by others to mess about for another four years before being flown off for an all-expenses-paid holiday in Brazil. Frankly, it's bonkers.

It's always good to see Britain winning at stuff, but 25 gold medals (as of Thursday night) doesn't sound as clever when you realise we entered 564 athletes at London 2012 – a measly one gold for every 23 competitors. Team GB in fact have 25 more athletes than the USA and they've got 39 golds (one gold for every 14 competitors), and a whopping 180 more athletes than China who've coined in 37 golden necklaces, and take the biscuit with one gold for every 10 people who they sent to our capital. To put it bluntly, Team GB is as flabby as a BBC budget and the nation has received bugger all in return.

So please, as the competition finally comes to an end this weekend – let's stop celebrating the winners and the losers of Team GB and pretending that somehow these self-centred athletes are role models for the young or helping the nation get fit. They're not.

Now let's turn our attentions to commercial television as the public sector waste-fest comes to an end on BBC1 and common sense prevails on the telly. That's right, it's The X Factor time, and the opportunity to see real heroes perform in the real greatest show on earth. It may not always be pretty, but at least those little caged karaoke hens know how to earn their keep.