Made coffee, ate a yogurt, read a feature on Taylor Swift, drank coffee, Googled New Zealand utility Lewis Brown (from Christchurch), trawled Twitter, liked stuff on Facebook, sent work emails, Googled Australia forward James Tamou (from Palmerston North). These are just some of the things I did while watching Australia beat New Zealand last Friday. It was that boring.

The 28,000 who almost filled Newcastle’s stadium experienced the numbing sensation 45,000 of us suffered at the second England-New Zealand test at Stratford last year. We all know the Kangaroos can play the game by numbers, but when did the Kiwis become so dull and lacking inspiration?

“There’s hardly anything to get excited about,” said bewildered co-commentator Phil Gould on Premier Sports. “If this is the best that this Australian combination can produce they’re kidding themselves if they think they’re going to win the World Cup next year with this side, given the talent not in the Kiwis side tonight. An ageing Australia team are just lumbering around. Gee whizz!”

New Zealand had excuses for their lacklustre display. The Absent Kiwis XIII looked awesome on paper. I saw a Missing New Zealand 17 that could win the NRL. But for his first Test, new Australia coach Mal Meninga appeared to have selected a side based on nostalgia, a Kangaroos team from a couple of years ago. There is a place for loyalty but Wayne Bennett must be hoping Meninga continues to pick so many veterans to take on an effervescent England in the autumn.

After 69 excruciatingly dull minutes, the stadium PA was so desperate to wake the crowd from their slumber that David Bowie’s Let’s Dance was put on at full volume as the game continued. According to Fox Sports, Australia half-backs Johnathan Thurston and Cooper Cronk are paid a combined salary of over £1m a year, with Cronk due a pay rise. Two of the world’s highest-paid players struggled to open up a second-string New Zealand defence.

The good news is that we won’t have to suffer this too often in future. As the RLIF circulate their eight-year plan to interested broadcasters and potential sponsors, Australia’s Players Union reminded them that they are only committed to playing 24 games between 2018 and 2025. Once you strip out the World Cup and the new Intercontinental Cup, that could leave just the annual Trans-Tasman Test against the Kiwis. The Aussie stars will be given the fallow year they so desperately desire, maybe even two in each World Cup cycle.

And yet attendances and TV viewing figures are seriously strong for all representative rugby league down under. State of Origin accounted for three of the top five most-watched sports shows on Australian TV last year, with rugby league having seven entries in the top 20 of all TV shows watched in Australia. And last Friday, one in every hundred Australians watched the Jillaroos v Kiwi women’s test match. No wonder the new NRL broadcast deal is worth $400m a year. Maybe it will take England to beat the Kangaroos this autumn – and maybe even again in the World Cup – for the NRL to realise that international rugby league can be a license to print money if you commit to it for the long run. If Gould is right, that might well happen.

Clubcall: Hull FC

The Pacific Tests on Saturday, in which Papua New Guinea came from behind to beat Fiji 24-22 and Samoa held off Tonga 18-6 in front of over 15,000 raucous islanders at Parramatta, sounded far more fun. Sadly they were not on British TV this year. Incredibly, it was PNG’s first win away from home for over 15 years! The second game was notable for the opposing teams both being captained by players from Hull FC: Samoa’s Frank Pritchard and Sika Manu for Tonga. Credit to the Airlie Birds that they agreed to this – although it may well have been in their contracts - at a time when you would have thought they might need them for the cup tie at St Helens. Instead, Hull’s pack steamrollered Saints without them.

That gladdened the heart of Hull FC fanatic Adrian Durham, presenter of the nation’s biggest sports radio show, Drive on TalkSport. He will be hosting his Saturday show from St James’s Park at the Magic Weekend, with live coverage of the Hull derby on Sunday night.

If the RFL are thinking of a gimmick for the Magic Weekend, how about an all-Taylor super-heavyweight wrestling match between in-form giants Scott of Hull FC and Catalans’ Dave? I’d pay to watch that.

Foreign quota

There will be no league and cup double for Les Baby Dracs. After winning the Lord Derby Cup a month ago, Catalans Dragons’ reserve grade fell at the semi-final hurdle of the French Championship on Saturday, losing a thriller 17-16 to favourites AS Carcassonne, while Limoux squeezed past Lezignan 22-18 in the other semi, both played at neutral Foix. Starring for ASC was former Wakefield and Featherstone half-back Maxime Greseque, the French international rolling back the years at 35 to run the show.

The problems of having a reserve team competing against first teams – when you don’t know which star players will be at your disposal each week (rather like the junior partners in our duel-reg relationships) came to the fore as the Catalans faced ASC without the Dragons’ stars who have graced them in Elite 1 this spring. For example, when they beat Limoux in the cup final they had Morgan Escare at full-back and Fouad Yaha on the wing. Les Canaris of Carcassonne now face Limoux in the Championship Final at Albi on 21 May.

Goal-line drop-out

Rugby league’s fourth estate are not great fans of Brian McDermott. They appreciate his quality as a coach and his unrivalled CV but they have sat through too many press conferences and awkward interviews to remain on his side.

On Thursday night, after Leeds’ annihilation by Cas, he was understandably ashen faced when facing the Sky cameras. Having gone out of the Challenge Cup at Huddersfield the week before, McDermott gave a thoroughly decent press conference. But when he spoke with Dave Woods on BBC Five Live Sports Extra, he answered most of Woods’ perfectly reasonable questions with “yes” or “no” before striding off and leaving a stunned Woods slack-jawed (by the sound of it).

“Well, that was short and sweet,” said the understated Woods. The last McDermott press conference I attended this season, following another defeat, he behaved similarly. After answering the first question reasonably, he said “nah” to the second and “possibly, but I doubt it” to third before getting up and rushing out. We know you are hurting badly, but your supporters deserve more, coach.

Fifth and last

Castleford’s record-breaking dismantling of Leeds on Thursday night made wistful viewing for London Broncos fans. Thirty of the first 34 Cas points came from former Broncos players: man of the match Luke Dorn spent two spells at the club, Leeds academy product Luke Gale was an exciting half-back under McDermott in the capital, Kiwi winger Denny Solomona has continued his prolific and thrilling try-scoring in the West Riding, while Mike McMeeken (of Basingstoke) stood out yet again and veteran Matt Cook (junior club: Bedford) did a shift in the forwards.

Solomona, Cook and McMeeken were Broncos regulars during the dreadful 2014 season in which they lost every game but one. Taking the Broncos’ top 17 appearance-makers that season, 10 are now established Super League players and half-back flop Josh Drinkwater is now in the NRL with Wests Tigers. Four more are helping the Broncos challenge now at the top of the Championship.

So how did such a talented squad fail so dismally? Well, 24 of the squad were aged just 21 or under. Solomona arrived, aged 20, from Melbourne without a senior game to his name; James Greenwood had played twice for Wigan; McMeeken and Thomas Minns were teenagers. With some more experienced heads around them, it is hard not to wonder what London could have done. Dorn explained what Cas coach Daryl Powell has done for the London recruits: “He’s given them confidence and a game plan that best exploits their talents.” He certainly has.

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