Neither: Original Game Intro Homage



The original, to us outside of Japan anyway, Pokémon games were wonderful and fantastic and perfect in every way. But they also look terrible, even for the time, are unbalanced as all hell and are host to a number of glitches, which can be harnessed for both good and evil.

But, really, seeing Nidorino and Gengar bounce around doesn’t remind me of how much fun playing Pokémon Red was back in the day, it just reminds me of tapping the Start button on my clunky old, original GameBoy with the missing battery cover so I could squint at a urine yellow screen with LCD quality graphics and clone Rare Candies because I didn’t feel like training my lame Pokémon I just wanted to evolve for the Pokédex (I’m looking at you, Tentacool).

Best: Horrified Spectator



“So is this like a dog show or something? … You’re making these animals fight each other? Oh dear god!”

Worst: I Remember When MTV Showed Stuff Besides Pokémon Battles



Ash is watching the aforementioned battle in his room, surrounded by all the Pokémon merchandise that furious parents were sure that this show was cunningly conceived to push on unsuspecting children, when Mom of Ash tells him to get to bed because tomorrow is the Big Get a Pokémon Day. When Ash complains that he’s too excited, Mom of Ash then tells him if he’s going to stay up he should at least turn off that Pokémon stuff on TV and watch the other Pokémon stuff on TV. What the hell? That’s like being told to turn off that Jersey Shore crap and watch some Teen Mom instead.

Supplementary best goes to Professor Oak’s public access channel which consists of him pointing at sketches of the three starter Pokémon and basically saying “Yep, these are Pokémon all right.” Oak’s World, Oak’s World, Poké-Time, Excellent!

Best: Gary Motherfucking Oak



Alternative title: He’s just spinning the ball on his finger! Just take it! Take the ball!

Ash oversleeps and makes it to Professor Oak’s lab just in time to see Gary Oak: Pride of Pallet emerge to cheerleaders, adoring fans and a chauffeured car. But despite that, he doesn’t really seem like that much of an asswipe. He says that Ash is late (true) and that because his grandfather was Professor Oak, he was able to pick the best Pokémon (which seems to reflect worse on Oak than Gary). He also refuses the divulge the identity of his Pokémon, which will be revealed in a mere 268 episodes!

(It was a Squirtle)

Side thought: If you get your first Pokémon when you’re 10 years old in the anime, does that mean Ash, Gary and the two other Pallet trainers were born on the exact same day? That’s a pretty odd coincidence, considering the size of Pallet.

Worst: Professor Oak IS an Asswipe



Professor Oak decrees that because Ash was late, the three starter Pokémon have been taken by other trainers who could be arsed to turn up. But surely, even if Ash was on time, that would mean there would be four trainers vying for three Pokémon anyway?

Even worse, he claims that he has only one Pokémon left, which just happens to be a Pikachu with an attitude problem. Professor Oak is a Pokémon researcher. He literally owns fields of Pokémon covering almost every single type. It seems suspiciously like he’s just passing off his problem Pokémon to dopey Ash Ketchum.

Also, Oak knows the three starter Pokémon are unavailable but still lets Ash choose three times, only to reveal the chosen Pokémon has been chosen each time. Dick.