I’ve been thinking about New Year’s Resolutions

because I am the sort of hopeless romantic who likes to make new year’s resolutions. I like having landmarks in time for the changes I make in my life! (In 2011 I turned 22 and was lucky enough to land my first full-time job out of college, and so between being done with exciting birthdays and joining the great American race through the workforce and into eventual regret and inevitable death, I’m ready to hold onto any landmarks I can get.)

A lot of my resolutions are pretty lofty, with no set “goal.” I’m more likely to resolve to “exercise more” than to “run a 5k by June.” (I’m more likely to resolve to become a Freemason than to run a 5k.) But they’re usually resolutions about doing something. One year I resolved not to use the word “hate” to describe my feelings. I wanted to be a more positive person. And while I’m sure I eventually lost track, it did make me think before I threw that word around about people. And it still does! That’s the sort of change I like to make in myself.

So I’ve decided that in 2012, as a Grown-Ass Woman™, I’m going to do my best to end girl hate within myself. I want to make sure that when I talk shit, I’m talking shit on someone’s character and not their parts/gender.

Earlier this year I read some article (really wish I could remember and link this one) about how in Italian, the word for “cunt” is used as a positive signifier—if something is figo, it’s awesome or cool. And why shouldn’t it be? Why, in the English language and in much of English-speaking culture, are vaginas at best taboo, usually mysterious or confusing, at worst filthy and shameful? (Some people have vaginas. Get over it. Y'know?) Why do we as a culture like sex so much but get so mystified and/or disgusted by female genitalia?

Also this year, I read a comment thread (again, memory fails me, though it was probably on Jezebel or 2X) in which someone pointed out that “bitch” has polar opposite meanings depending on the person to which the term is assigned. When a woman is a bitch, she’s assertive; when a man is a bitch, he’s weak. In other words, “bitch” is a catch-all term for someone who doesn’t conform to gender standards. And what kind of an outdated insult is that?

I know I’m not perfect. Recently I came across a photo of a girl who ~*~destroyed my lyfe~*~ in middle school for being a chubby, awkward weirdo, and oh my god, girl was looking rough. And it bugged me that I found this entertaining, let alone vindicating (and if I ever run for office, I’m deleting this Tumblr post and denying that seeing my middle school bully looking a hot mess ever brought me any sort of joy at all, and if any of you rat me out you are so on my shit list you know this is something I am working on). I don’t want to perpetuate the same girl hate she flung at me ten years ago.

I want to know for sure that I can call people out on their bullshit without having to slut-shame, call anyone a “bitch,” or perpetuate the idea that vaginas are a bad thing. Because that’s bullshit, and when you fight bullshit with bullshit the bullshit piles up and I’m pretty sure that’s why everything is bullshit anyway and I don’t wanna play that game because mine makes everyone feel better.