OK, so you've seen the touching story about transgender boy Jacob Lemay and his parents on NBC. Or you're a big fan of Orange is the New Black on Netflix, but you don't know if you really know everything you want to know about co-star Laverne Cox. Maybe you're a consumer of all things Kardashian and you're obsessed with Caitlyn Jenner's big reveal. Maybe you have a new coworker who's transgender or your friend's sibling just came out as trans. Whatever your point of entry, you have questions about transgender people. That's totally understandable because, since only 8 percent of Americans say they know a trans person, chances are you don't have a lot of experience here. So let's walk through some of the questions you want to ask, but don't know who to ask.

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What does being transgender even mean?

It means the person has the undeniable realization that they don't belong in the gender that they were assigned at birth, whether male or female. There can be a lot of different reasons for transness, both medical and psychological, but there's a growing consensus in the medical community that people are born trans, with biological factors like genes and prenatal hormone levels playing their part.

What's the difference between gender and sex?

By itself, gender is a social concept. Different societies have constructed different interpretations of gender over the centuries about what's considered appropriate for men or women, as feminine or masculine — check out the men in pumps and wigs in the 18th century, for starters. But things like color-coding toys or assuming that people's interests, tastes, hobbies or careers are gendered, that's all social programming – none of it is intrinsic to men or women as men or women. There are men who like soap operas and knitting, and women who dig punk rock and sports. Vive la difference.

Sex is about body parts. It's what we associate with physical attributes, external anatomy, hormone levels, chromosomes, all that good stuff.

Is trans the same thing as being intersex (or the outdated term: hermaphrodite)?

No. There are a number of documented intersex conditions that can involve variations in genitalia, reproductive organs, hormones, and chromosomes. They're also rare, but among other things, it means there are some women who have XY chromosomes and some men who have XX. Basically: Being intersex has to do with your biological and physical attributes (your sex). Being trans has to do with your core identity (how you define your gender).

Why are some people trans?

It's just the way some folks are. Speaking as a trans person, I'm guided by the timeless wisdom of one of my favorite philosophers: I am what I am. Thanks, Popeye!

How and when do you know if you're trans?

Generally, you figure it out in early childhood. The question any trans kid has been confronted with over time has been, "What do you do about it?" And if you lack to words to talk about it or express your problem to your family, where and when do you start? Back in the day, you'd have more trans folks transitioning later in life, perhaps out of fear, sometimes because it took decades to come to terms with their sense of self. Today, we're finding more kids able and willing to articulate their transness, and more parents ready and willing to listen. So while the "how" isn't going to change much, the "when" is happening much earlier in life.

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Does being transgender mean you have a mental disorder?

Nope. Even if you don't want to take a trans people's word for it, the scientific and medical communities have our back, starting with the American Psychological Association. There is a disorder called gender dysphoria with which some transgender people are diagnosed by doctors, especially if they're seeking hormone treatment or surgery. But being trans is not a disorder, it's an identity.

How do trans people do the whole trans thing, changing genders?

The process is generally referred to as "transition," and different people come up with different strategies that work for them. A child who transitions before their 10th birthday with the support of their parents faces different challenges than someone coming out as trans at 16 or 60. Some work with a mental health professional and work their way up to hormone replacement therapy (where they'd take estrogen or testosterone supplements) and gender correction surgery (where they'd have breast implants or chest reconstruction, and/or genital surgery). Some punt on the shrinks as a gate-keeping phenomenon and work directly with a doctor. Many can't afford the medical care, and some might have health risks that prevent them from full medical transition. There is no one ultimate end point that every trans person is supposed to end up at — surgery isn't right for everybody, and while all of us who are trans might be headed in that direction, we don't all have to follow the same path or transition at the same pace. For every trans person, there's only one "right" way to transition: the way that works for each of them individually.

How does genital surgery (commonly called sex reassignment surgery) work?

Some trans men have phalloplasty to create a penis, and some trans women have vaginoplasty to create a vagina. I'm not a doctor, so if you're really insatiably curious, I'd suggest you start here. The broader consideration to keep in mind is that not everyone can have this kind of surgery, let alone afford it. (Male-to-female surgery is typically cheaper than female-to-male, because constructing a penis is obviously difficult, but both are many thousands of dollars.) And not everyone needs or wants it. Surgery doesn't define you as trans any more than it defines your gender. In general, genitalia are somebody's own business, not really yours unless you're in a relationship with them.

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Is being trans the same as being gay or lesbian?

Nope. Although there are no end of people who might portray trans women (a trans woman, by the way, is someone who transitioned from male to female) as super-gay or trans men as super-butch, it just ain't so. Just as some people are straight or gay or bi, some trans people are straight or gay or bi. Some trans men are attracted to men, some women, some are bi, and some are interested in trans folk of any flavor; same deal with trans women. Being transgender only affects your gender, not your sexual orientation. Many trans people who were married before they transitioned stay in that marriage after they transition. In short, trans people are like everyone else in this regard; they love and are loved by people across the full spectrum of possibility.

So who does what with who in their relationships — like sexually?

Everybody involved has warm and tingly parts, and they do what comes naturally to them. Just like everyone. Going forward, you can skip this question and questions about the state of someone else's genitalia; it's their business, not yours. The way they present themselves to you and the world is what matters.

I feel like so many people are transgender now. Are trans people part of human history, or just a recent phenomenon?

We've been a part of humanity for as long as we can tell, going back to ancient Egypt and Rome or aboriginal societies, with trans people identified in Eastern, Western, and Native American culture. We've been around long before academics first started studying trans individuals (most famously, early 20th century sexologist Magnus Hirschfeld) or trans woman Christine Jorgensen made news for having surgery in 1952.

Who are trans people?

You can't always know because not every trans person is comfortable talking about their transness. A lot of trans people just want to be seen as the gender they transitioned to. Most trans women, for instance, would rather just be known as women. Before we even get into the dangers that most trans people face, it's something that, like any medical information, is theirs to share as they see fit.

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Yeah, OK, but who? Inquiring minds want to know.

Well, we've already mentioned actress and advocate Laverne Cox, but other people you should want to know more about include film director Lana Wachowski, bestselling authors Jenny Boylan and Janet Mock, computer science pioneer Lynn Conway, supermodels like Geena Rocero and Andreja Pejic, lawyer Kylar Broadus (the first trans person to testify before the U.S. Senate), Amanda Simpson (the first trans presidential appointee, she serves the Obama administration in the Department of Defense), educator Jamison Green, and rock star Laura Jane Grace of the band Against Me!. A trans man, Aydian Dowling, may get voted onto the cover of Men's Health magazine any day now. On the younger side, trans girl Jazz Jennings has become an outspoken advocate for trans kids and teens.

How many trans people are there?

As ubiquitous as we've been in the news recently, what with Time magazine putting Laverne on the cover in 2014 and announcing "The Trans Tipping Point," we're still pretty thinly spread and always will be. A decade ago, there was a commonly quoted estimate of 1 in every 10,000 births, but these days, as Mona Chalabi noted at FiveThirtyEight.com last year, the more we learn about diversity within gender identity, the more we come to realize we just don't know how many trans people there are or might be. The Census Bureau and the CDC don't ask people to identify themselves as trans, and large numbers of trans people would rather not identify themselves, fearing discrimination in the workplace and in civil society.

Aren't public bathrooms a problem? Someone who was born male using a women's bathroom or whatever?

It hasn't been, and there is literally no reason to think it should be. Not to put too fine a point on it, but trans people use the restroom, same as everyone else, every day, same as everyone else; if they were any risk, you'd have long since heard about it, because hundreds of thousands of trans people have been using public accommodations for decades. For all of the demonization of and scare-mongering about trans people in the media, there has literally never been a problem.

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What is it really like to be transgender?

The easy answer is that it differs for every trans person, the same way that life is different for everybody else. However, there's a tragic consistency in certain areas. Trans people, and especially trans people of color, are vastly more likely to be under- or unemployed; the National Transgender Discrimination Survey found that 26 percent of all trans people have a job to bias against them, 50 percent were harassed on the job, and trans people are twice as likely to be unemployed. As a result, trans people are four times more likely to live in extreme poverty, and lack access to safe space or housing, with 20 percent reporting they'd been evicted or refused housing because of their identity. They're more likely to be the victims of violence, something that starts in school: 78 percent of those who were out as trans or gender-nonconforming in grades K–12 reported harassment, 35 percent some form of physical assault, and 15 percent sexual assault. Barriers to fixing their legal documents have kept more than 40 percent from changing their gender on their ID cards or driver's licenses. One-fifth reported harassment at the hands of the police. In the face of that bleak information and the horrifying experiences they reflect, the news that 41 percent of all trans people reported attempting suicide seems an unavoidable consequence.

But knowing all that, many of us come out anyway, choosing to risk those terrifying facts on the off chance of finding happiness over the guaranteed unhappiness of inaction. That's because we hope to make the world a better place for ourselves and those like us. I've commented in the past that trans people almost inevitably risk being accidental activists because we have to be.

How can I be a good friend to a trans person?

Empathy for others is already a great card to keep in your deck, and it can serve you well here too. Unless you're trans, transness isn't about you, but that doesn't alter the fact that we're all just people. Like everybody else, trans people can be great friends, partners, colleagues, and coworkers. Give somebody a chance, and you might not just make the world better for them, it might enrich your own lived experience.

Follow Christina on Twitter.