The Incredible Flying Brick is standing in the Stoke-on-Trent Central by-election.

These are his policies:

Abolish Gravity with immediate effect.

Make fishing a spectator sport by introducing piranha to the Trent.

Develop Stoke-on-Trent Civic Centre into an intergalactic space port. with Trent Vale and Hanley being respectively arrival and departure lounges. This will massively increase tourism.

I will promote Pottermus Hippo to leader of Stoke City Council.

Have a good breakfast of oatcakes and a delicious lunch of lobby.

Royal Stoke hospital needs more specialist departments. The Loonys would add good old-fashioned medical wards including: Mercury potions, Electrolysis, Leeching and Lobotomy. The Loony’s will balance the humors.

If the Liberal candidate fails to be elected we will still send him to the House of Commons to perform exploraTory thoracotomies, this will reveal whether any governing MP’s have a heart.

I will ensure that all European trains will be fuelled by Gravy.

We will encourage international free trade with America by knighting the President during his state visit, with the ‘Order of the Coiffure’ and he will be known as Sir Comb-Over.

Fake News Warning

Beware of all other politicians they are faking their fake-news. I am the only true fakir of fake news, almost but not quite, a facetious factory of fakiry.

Have a radical re-think, and be strong like Pottermus the Hippo. Have a good breakfast of oatcakes and a delicious lunch of lobby. Vote Loony for an incredible sense of well-being. Go completely potty at the polling station and put your X on the ballot paper for The Official Monster Raving Loony Party. Vote for insanity, vote for The Incredible Flying Brick, VOTE LOOOONY! . . . You know it makes sense.

The Incredible Flying Brick

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