Many of us live out our lives trying to fulfill long held dreams, trying to meet personal or familial expectations, or in the moment. However, there are some people that do not live their own lives, instead living their life through someone else. We are all guilty of consciously or unconsciously stepping in and out of the lives of people we admire, those living a life we desire, or a life unlike our own. Most people that live their life vicariously through another person often struggle with a troubled life. For whatever the reasons are some people do not accept their own situation or position in life, he/she tries to imagine if they were someone else, anybody else, then their life would be different, it would be better.

The lack of understanding and acceptance of personal struggles combined with the lack of acceptance of self can interfere with our ability to make healthy life decisions. To make appropriate life choices we must be able recognize there are problems, have the ability to confront the problem, and make a commitment to work through the problem rather than engaging in avoidant behaviors. Living your life vicariously poses many challenges for those living their life through someone else because failure to confront challenges leads to maladaptive coping skills, low self-esteem, self-doubt, depression, etc. Persons that struggle with vicarious living run the risk of being disingenuous and or inauthentic with their true selves. Unfortunately, some people may not even know who they are individually, intimately, or personally because they live through someone else rather than living for themselves. Without a true and thorough understanding of self we cannot possibly relate to others in both a productive or healthy manner. Therefore, chronic vicarious livers will experience multiple challenges with regards to relating to others.

Ways People Often Live Their Life Vicariously Include:

· Through their children

· Social Media

· Television and movies

· Books

· Video games

· Celebrities and other persons perceived to have a more desirable life

Living your life vicariously through someone else is often more challenging that most people realize. Although living through someone or something provides a reprieve from current problems, it is temporary. For some people that are unable to deal with the stressors of life travelling mentally to another person or place can provide emotional and psychological distancing between the problem and the individual. Unfortunately, the problems that led to the emotional flight remain, often becoming more pronounced over time due to failure to appropriately resolve underlying issues.

Reasons Why Someone Might Engage in Vicarious Living:

· Difficulty recognizing and accepting there are problems

· Inability or challenges related to managing problems

· Desiring a life or lifestyle unlike their own

· Intense feelings of stress

· Maladaptive coping skills

· Low self-esteem/self-doubt

· The belief he/she is living an unfulfilling life

Too often we find ourselves trying to escape from our ordinary existence into a more adventurous life, one with fewer problems, more successes, achievements, and praise. However, when we encounter more failures than successes we can become disheartened with life, doubting our self-worth and purpose. When you live your life through someone else you fail to recognize and achieve your own personal goals. By not living for yourself you limit yourself to simply watching life being play out from a bystander position rather than actively engaging in it.

To help people that struggling with living their own lives it would be useful to first consider what is upsetting about his/her life. There is nothing wrong with feeling proud of someone or being to engrossed in the life of someone else you begin to lose sight of your own accomplishments and goals. It can slowly degrade our own ambition and erodes the confidence we have to achieve our own goals.

It is easy to stand on the sidelines of life and cheer others on. When they succeed, we celebrate with them, feeling as if somehow, we are a part of their victory. When they fail, we can detach ourselves while listing off an entire litany of things they could’ve, should’ve, would’ve done to do better. It removes us from the pain of facing defeat through our own shortcomings and limitations. In short, vicarious living can trick us into believing that we can share the fullness of the victories of others while shielding ourselves from their defeats.