I came home to a giant box marked "Fondle with Care" and knew right then, I was in for something amazing. I brought it inside and remarked at how fortunate I was to have the 1/1000 chance that my children weren't with me as I opened up what turned out to be A GIANT BOX FULL OF DICKS!!!!! My secret santa turned out to be the owner of ShipADick.com, and they know how to ship dicks! We are talking average sized cardboard dicks, a gigantic Merry Christmas dick, a ShipaDick.com fanny pack (filled with more dicks), ShipADick coozies, a dick bouquet, dick socks, a best friends necklace SHAPED LIKE A DICK, a play on the Portland Trail Blazers "Rip City" logo tshirt that says Dic City, and hundreds of ShipADick stickers and matchbooks.

But seriously, the most amazing part of this entire gift was a laser engraved map of the waterways in the area I live. It turns out Mr. Dick and I both live in NW Oregon and he was familiar with the area. This map is probably one of the coolest things I own now, and was so incredibly thoughtful and creative and cool (as if a giant box of dick memorabilia wasn't cool enough!)

You better believe there will be dicks shipped to all ends of the earth. I have a friend in NYC who will soon be shipping dicks to the infamous Phallus Palace to add to their prestigious collection!

I lucked out. You are so cool, Mr. Dick. If you're ever in Tillamook, please feel free to look me up and I'll take you out for a beer/coffee/ice cream from the cheese factory. You went above and beyond. Thank you so much for everything!