MyNewBearTotoro Sat 16-Nov-19 18:02:45

I think YABU. It’s unsurprising she feels right now that when things hit crisis point and her partner is dying she won’t have time or energy to focus on anything but him. Of course when the time comes it’s likely that she’ll find the reality quite different and will be glad of supportive friends as living and breathing her husbands terminal illness 24/7 would leave her drained without any support, but she might just see that she will be all consumed by caring for him and later grieving for him and maybe can’t see how she’d possibly find anytime to talk to friends.



I would just take what she says with a pinch of salt and accept she’s probably not thinking clearly or objectively and is unable to see how things may be outside of the grief which she imagines will be all-consuming. I think your plan to send her supportive messages is a sound one, it may be she finds she really needs a friend and reciprocates and looks to talk with you or she may just read them and go back to her husband but I think you will just have to see how she feels when the time comes and accept whatever it is that gets her through. She shouldn’t feel guilty for having friends or seeking support from them but when loved ones are so ill it can be hard not to feel intense guilt when you get respite from the situation or do something for yourself knowing the person who is unwell can’t escape their situation. I think you need to try and put yourself in her shoes and show some empathy.