I’m in love with Nisemonogatari. I’m in love with it so much I had to rewatch the infamous toothbrush scene numerous times last night. Instead of studying for my US Politics exam, I just wanted to see teeth being brushed.

During my psychology class at morning, all I could hear was Karen’s moaning. So I did the proper thing and asked my psychology teacher this simple question:

Can brushing a girl’s teeth actually arouse her?

My psychology teacher used to be a surgeon and decided to teach high school level plus college-level psychology; he was also friendly and cool. Pretending to be a curious, aspiring student, I asked him after class and he, with a straight face, replied to me with strong, definitive answers. He took me seriously as a student, not as a jester. It surprised me and I started taking mental notes on my head. Now, I am not an android nor a journalist — I’m a satirist — and I can only paraphrase what I remember and understand. If it makes no sense, blame me, not my teacher.

Nevertheless, the simple answer to that question is: Yes, but it depends.

“Sex,” he said, “is weird. We don’t really know much about it, but the fundamentals and basics are something we kinda understand. I believe brushing a girl’s teeth will actually arouse her; it’s really the same idea as a beautiful, hot girl stroking my cheeks.”

“But instead, it’s the bristles of a toothbrush, right?”

“Yes, the teeth isn’t too sensitive, but the gum is. Like the cheeks, the gum can feel things; therefore, it’s a potential source of sexual arousal. However, there are certain rules: for example, there needs to be attraction. Suppose an average-looking man brushes a girl’s teeth: the result is not what you expect. However, if it’s a handsome male, then she may get aroused. Same with the males: if a hot girl comes in and brushes your teeth, I assume you will be aroused. But if the girl isn’t beautiful, then nothing will happen.

“If we tried a psychology experiment on the class and have everyone brush someone else’s teeth, chances are they will not be aroused. In my AP Psychology class, we were talking about sexuality. Hypothetically speaking, if you are a complete 100% heterosexual male and a handsome male brushes your teeth, you will not be aroused. There must be some form of attraction, some thought behind the sexual history, and more.”

He paused, recollecting his thoughts. I wondered what’s his thinking process was; the guy’s damn smart!

Then, he continued, “Now, let’s look at it the other way: there’s also differences between the male and female brain when it comes to sex. Statistically speaking, males watch more porn and females, while they watch a considerable amount, prefer the more romantic adventures.”

“Ah, like Twilight.”

“Exactly. Brushing a girl’s teeth may be more successful than brushing a male’s teeth because they tend to be more imaginative in those type of situations.”

[Editor’s Note: I like to clarify my teacher’s thoughts a bit more as he’s not a sexist. You know how girls like to see more romantic works than guys do? It’s that reason. Guys, on the other hand, prefer hardcore pornography. We may make dirty sexual jokes, but we’re not too imaginative in the realm of sex and romance. Of course, this doesn’t apply to everyone; I know I’m as worse as Kanbaru.]

“When I dated girls way back,” my teacher said, “they always wanted their hair to be brushed during and after intercourse. It’s the same thing, really — a sexual fetish. Our brains love those sensations. Sex, in this regard, is interesting. Do you remember studying altered states of consciousness and did a spit take because an orgasm is an altered state of consciousness? That’s not all. What we’re learning in class right now also applies: sensory neurons trigger from the sensations to give us chemicals that arouse us.”

I thanked my teacher and, with this new knowledge, began to appreciate the structure of the delicate organ called the brain more. You see, I wasn’t too interested in brain biology but all this talk about sexual fetishes was interesting. I don’t consider myself very smart, but knowledgable about random trivia. Yet, it’s interesting that an ordinary gesture like brushing teeth can used as something sexual.

I really should take psychology as a minor. For the sex jokes, of course. Sigmund Freud will be proud of me.

This did happen and it’s not satire. My teachers are too cool for criticism; he talked about sexual fetishes to a silly high schooler who watched Japanese cartoons seriously, for god’s sake!

Correction: I wrote “alternative” instead of “altered.” What am I, a hipster? Also, a minor preposition error has been corrected.

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