ISN’T it magnificent when famous folk give us a glimpse into their daily lives and we can all marvel at how utterly unlike us they are?

Some of the most memorable insights have come from Pete Evans’ day on a plate (handful of activated almonds, anyone?) and when Harper’s Bazaar spent 24 hours with Jodhi Meares (“it’s ridiculous how many yoga mats I own: I keep five in Hawaii, store a few in New York with friends and keep at least four at home”).

The latest to add to the list is the kitchen profile that Good Food did with celebrity chef Marco Pierre White.

In case you don’t know who he is, he has a three-Michelin-star restaurant in Britain and counts Gordon Ramsay, Curtis Stone and Shannon Bennett among his proteges.

Below you can find seven of the most jaw-dropping quotes from the profile.

Side note: Pierre White is referred to as the “enfant terrible” of the culinary world in the article, so I am suitably scared that he’ll come after me with a fancy kitchen implement, the name of which I probably can’t pronounce.

*“Like every household I have my marmalades, compots, preserves and chutneys — there’s cheese in there and there’ll always be a selection of cold meats because I’m very fond of them.

Pardonnez-moi, sir, but not every household has these things. I think you’ll find that compots, preserves and chutneys are lacking from many a household fridge. If you’d said something about two loose cans of cider that were leftover from a party, a gel eye mask and some slightly bendy old carrots, then we may have found some common ground.

* “I don’t have alcohol at home so I’ll buy the wine for the occasion and whatever’s left I’ll just pour down the sink and throw the bottle away.”

What.

* “I don’t have a pantry.”

Consider our minds blown. Where are those pesky pantry moths meant to procreate? Where do you hang that novelty barbecue apron with the fake boobs? And where do you hide when you want to scare the living daylights out of a housemate or small children?

* “I have a very large fridge that was made in France in 1932, which is enormous and set into a wall with two doors. Along the top of it is a line of Kilner jars: they might have haricots blancs or lentils, which I might cook with cotechino sausage or a roast partridge.”

We were all ready to pay out this “cotechino sausage” but then we googled it and hot damn, that dish looks delicious. He can whip that dish up for us any time. But the roast partridge ... not sure that we can let that go. Where does one even *procure* a partridge? Oh, that’s right. In a pear tree.

* “When I come home my favourite supper is a ham sandwich with piccalilli and a cup of tea — very simple, so that’s what my housekeeper will make me.”

When we come home our favourite supper is potato gems (if we’re feeling energetic) and Kraft Singles (if our eyes are too loopy to focus on the numbers on the oven dial). And as for this “housekeeper”, where do you live, Downton Abbey?

*“Everything’s a vice because I indulge. For me, if you indulge, everything in life is a vice. If you sneak off and have a bit of chocolate I don’t regard that as a vice — that’s “sneaking off and having a bit of chocolate”.

Is this a riddle? Because if it is, we cannot work it out.

* “I have a giant, 19th century pestle and mortar, which is set inside the trunk of an elm tree.”

Don’t we all, mate. Don’t we all.