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A woman in South Carolina says she sees Jesus in a piece of toast.

Not wood bark, or an oil stain, or an insect’s carapace, but an actual honest-to-FSM piece of toast. Just like old times.

How refreshing.

So, it looks nothing at all like Jesus to me, certainly less than the Kit Kat of yore. I see Doug Henning. Or maybe Karen Carpenter.

But the thing is… the woman who found Jesus in her toast is, I think, a little optimistic. Because if she flips it over, it ain’t Jesus. Could it be…

SATAN?

Or at the very least, it’s the collective Martian insect soul from the end of "Quatermass and the Pit".