So much for Theresa May’s ‘snap Election’.

The PM’s so-called spur-of- the-moment poll was so long in the plotting that as far back as January the Queen’s Birthday honours was secretly shunted from its traditional second Saturday in June berth to yesterday instead.

‘No 10 quietly told the Royal flunkies months ago that the usual weekend would be “too busy”,’ said an honours insider. That’s one word for it.

Arch-loyalist John Hayes declared: ‘Anyone who wants to go for Theresa will have to get past me first. The PM is pictured at a campaign rally at The Grand Station on May 30 in Wolverhampton

Mrs May’s belated act of contrition to Tory MPs for the Election fiasco averted – for now – a Boris Johnson leadership putsch.

But in case ‘sorry’ wasn’t enough, after she addressed a tense meeting of the party’s 1922 backbench committee, arch-loyalist John Hayes declared: ‘Anyone who wants to go for Theresa will have to get past me first.’

Given John’s powerfully built frame, Dog can understand why that was sufficient dissuasion.

Talking of empty homes, Hattie...

Harriet Harman’s enthusiastic backing for Jeremy Corbyn’s call for rich people’s empty homes to be requisitioned for Grenfell Tower survivors prompts party colleagues to wonder if the famously well-heeled ex-Labour deputy leader, right, couldn’t lend a hand herself.

‘Hasn’t Hattie got a nice second home? I know it’s in Suffolk but surely she could always offer,’ smirked one party insider.

‘Hasn’t Hattie got a nice second home? I know it’s in Suffolk but surely she could always offer,’ smirked one party insider

The Prime Minister’s stay of execution will come as a relief for David Davis. Despite being touted as her potential successor, the Brexit Secretary privately boasts that the PM thinks the sun shines out of his proverbial. ‘He’s always telling us, “I’m the teacher’s pet,” ’ scoffed an insider. ‘But if the headmistress gets the boot and school’s out, won’t DD’s prefectorial position go with it?

It's Comandante Jezza

Jeremy Corbyn tried to flex his new-found political muscles at his first Shadow Cabinet meeting after his Election ‘victory’.

‘He came over all “chief comandante” by ordering everyone to do three days a week minimum at Westminster and one day spreading the Left word in the country,’ whispered Dog’s mole.

‘Problem is, he still sounds less Fidel Castro and more geography supply teacher who doesn’t know where the school loos are.’

Jeremy Corbyn tried to flex his new-found political muscles at his first Shadow Cabinet meeting after his Election ‘victory’

No question about whose tails were up on the sun-soaked Commons Terrace last week. While Tory MPs sulked, Labour were virtually doing the can-can.

Speaker John Bercow’s Lefty wife Sally was in particularly high spirits, throwing her arms around deputy leader Tom Watson in celebration – to the horror of Yvette Cooper.

The former Cabinet Minister quickly yanked Watson away from the embrace and had a quiet word with the old bruiser.