Holy Val Doonican on a stick, Batman! gothick 18 Apr 2007 3.2500

Do me a favour, and light that monkey for me. gothick 21 Apr 2007 4.1667

Would you ask that turtle to itch my ankle. halandrowly 22 Apr 2007 4.1250

Don't forget to hang your toast up! gothick 5 May 2007 4.0000

One small step for a Welshman, one giant leek for mankind! gothick 28 Apr 2007 3.9167

I can't believe anyone is desperate enough to buy a dead squirrel on a motorcycle. Nadezhda 9 May 2007 4.5556

I have a badger's penis bone, always a great way to start a conversation. Nadezhda 9 May 2007 4.3333

Ssh. The fart god will hear you. Kavey 9 May 2007 3.5556

You can't expect me to suck my coffee through a broken penguin! justbecky 9 May 2007 4.5556

You haven't heard tiddles until you've heard her in the original Klingon. floyd 10 May 2007 2.8750

Well you're going to get hairballs if you suck the foot of a monkey. Said to our son (with complete lack of sympathy) by his grandmother, after chewing on his toy monkey's foot halandrowly 15 May 2007 4.5714

Oy! Stop sniffing his ducks. halandrowly 15 May 2007 3.2222

Money cannot buy you a bladder infection. heyjude 18 May 2007 3.7778

Oh yeah? And my arse is a spongecake! goswoppit 18 May 2007 2.8750

Grannies rock at hip-hop! gothick 20 May 2007 3.6250

There's a certain Guevarian influence in Paddington while discussing Paddington Bear at a barbecue... gothick 21 May 2007 3.5000

Whose coat is that jacket? ianadavies 23 May 2007 3.7500

Don't wee in your yogurt! My girlfriend talking to her pet rat ianadavies 23 May 2007 4.1111

What the hell do you do with a dead penguin? Play with it in the Bath? Discussing Taxidermy on Ebay, again. Nadezhda 24 May 2007 4.1429

Don't eat a personal stereo or you'll catch scarlet fever. deanpresho 24 May 2007 3.6000

Frankie Howerd is my spirit guide Discussing innuendo Nadezhda 28 May 2007 3.4000

That shit'll burn the chest hair off a Mexican. Was making a spicy dish and my boss suggested I put some hot Sambala sauce in it, but gave me a grave warning when using said sauce. culminare 29 May 2007 3.7500

Anchovies are not the source of my problems! andre 31 May 2007 3.5714

Call me Moon-Carrot, it's my spirit name. Said by my most excellent friend Rob Blackwell after a night of heavy drinking and the consumption of an entire (raw) prize winning leek roughly 2 seconds before he passed out. justbecky 31 May 2007 3.8333

Yes, a rice-giant the size of Jupiter is unlikely to be found. Me and Ian at work, going off at rather a tangent on how many grains of rice you get if you double the number for each square on a chess-board... gothick 1 Jun 2007 4.5000

You can't extract honey from your arse, no bee would go up there. hal to rowly after the sarky bastard claimed this as the reason for making a horrible polystyrene squeak whilst apparently "extracting" honey! Hmmnnn. halandrowly 1 Jun 2007 5.0000

Today you bear an uncanny resemblance to a banana. lanial 14 Jun 2007 4.0000

Of course that icecube doesn't make you look cancerous! ReggaeMorning 20 Jun 2007 4.0000

The monkeys stormed in, and took all our articles. My drunk friend who works for a newspaper. grillashoozbang 22 Jun 2007 3.7500

You look like a Gorilla's impression of an Earwig. A gorilla said this to me. I swear it did. I was wearing an Earwig costume. grillashoozbang 22 Jun 2007 4.2500

Can you fit that teapot down your dress? From the weekend, at a Ringtons Do, my Cousin Susi and I were nicking the Teapots! carojohnson 22 Jun 2007 4.0000

I'm off to trim my spiders Whilst speaking to one of the other lodgers I explained that I was off to trim my spiders, but then had to explain that my spider plants getting out of control! carojohnson 22 Jun 2007 4.5000

You can't make bees as funny as penguins unless you're Eddie Izzard. While discussing unique sentences with Hal and Rowly. Okay, so it's a bit "meta", but hey... gothick 26 Jun 2007 3.5000

Don't expect me to live for the rest of my life! He "who must be obeyed" was making his best argument for another beer. TheKid 26 Jun 2007 4.5000

Ouch! I just got third degree burns from your titties. Giving nekkid hugs after cuddling recently kettle-filled hot water bottle is, it seems, not advisable. Kavey 29 Jun 2007 4.0000

He's shot himself in the foot and now he's taking us with him! Overheard at work fatallogic 29 Jun 2007 3.3333

I want all the chair-pads in the world! Overheard in IKEA! gothick 1 Jul 2007 4.3333

Life's got enough responsibilities without having to look after rubber-topped pencils Groom, on his wedding day, being asked to look after something by his son gothick 8 Jul 2007 4.0000

I'm never putting wax anywhere near my shallots! Georgina Sowerby, of the Sowerby and Luff Show, discussing a man being expelled from a vegetable show for excessive shallot-waxing(!) gothick 11 Jul 2007 3.0000

Now that's a niche piñata! On seeing a unicorn piñata at a wedding... gothick 18 Jul 2007 4.3333

We've all got chairs of doom behind us! Said after the second person had fallen backwards off a chair at a tapas restaurant which had a table rather too close to a step that ran the length of the floor... gothick 18 Jul 2007 4.0000

You've given me big duck disappointment! Said by Weezie after I raised her expectations of photographing a duck, only to cruelly dash them an instant later. Yeah, I'm evil, me. gothick 18 Jul 2007 3.6667

Who'd iron a monkey? seriously the label says do not iron who needs that advice. halandrowly 19 Jul 2007 4.7500

Heads don't have bottoms. Having referred to a headrest as a headseat, I said it was because you seat your head on one. This was the response. Kavey 20 Jul 2007 3.7500

Is it tomorrow in the morning? Said by Mia (age 6), especially funny, since she uses the phrase "in the morning" to mean tomorrow. So really, she's saying "is it tomorrow tomorrow?" smarvell 25 Jul 2007 4.5000

Squeeze the balls really tight before you put glue on them. Primary school art lesson involving a tissue paper collage. abbie 26 Jul 2007 3.8000

You're the post I hit my nuts on when I slide down the bannister! gothick 29 Jul 2007 3.4000

I am itching my tongue because I tickled it when I was buzzing. Perhaps grown women should not impersonate flies. Kavey 8 Aug 2007 4.3333

Don't you think your time would be better spent working than trying to show me mole bouncing? Well he has got a really big project to finish by september halandrowly 11 Aug 2007 3.7500

My head feels like Marmite Sometimes my beloved comes out with the strangest things when she's on the edge of sleep... ganders 21 Aug 2007 4.0000

You can't wear jeans with real numbers in the pockets, because they do the math themself. My girlfriend woke me up very early one morning, and these were the first words out of my mouth. I then went right back to sleep. I'm glad she reminded me later! vermonohue 21 Aug 2007 4.4000

I really shouldn't buy my therapists flat-pack from IKEA Debating the dubious value of cheap psychotherapy gothick 25 Aug 2007 4.0000

There's definite teddy-bear fear in lions Tanya, on discussing the value of taking a teddy-bear on Safari with you gothick 25 Aug 2007 3.3333

Pass me the air-head. Kavey 3 Sep 2007 3.6000

Lots of sheep or maybe mushrooms; not sure. Pointing into a field whilst driving by. Kavey 3 Sep 2007 3.5000

I'm not biting your chin, I'm scratching my tongue. Hairy chins are good scratching tools. Kavey 11 Sep 2007 3.2500

If you could afford a pyramid you wouldn't be using dial-up. I was looking at an ebay store that sold Egyptian items - in amongst their categories of jewellery and papyrus they had one for network cables. (via LJ friend azhure, quoting her husband...) gothick 14 Oct 2007 4.2500

Don't wipe my ghost in your rotten pumpkin! Said during a cleanup operation after a small Hallowe'en decoration disaster. gothick 31 Oct 2007 4.2500

You can tell he's drunk because he looks like he's being played in reverse. Said by Maurice, of the very, very drunk Steve 'I'm not drunk' Marvell gothick 19 Nov 2007 3.6667

Now all I have to do is find some lemur spacesuits on Ebay and my life is complete... From Pete in response to an LJ post and comments. Kavey 21 Nov 2007 4.3333

Give me a goddamn pair of knickers to put between our chins! It's the first thing I could think of when his stubbly beard was giving me stubble burn and I knew there was a basket of clean knickers by the foot of the bed!!!!! Kavey 22 Nov 2007 4.6667

If you could just rub your face on my keyboard that would be great! My colleague, on my commenting that I wouldn't be partaking in the 'tea pool' that week with having a stinking cold. His thinking being that if he couldn't touch his keyboard he could go home. perdita 12 Dec 2007 3.6667

If you want to make a bid for tea-based martyrdom, who am I to argue? Me, on colleague Neil's insistence on making me a cup of tea so that he could get the largest round ever... gothick 13 Dec 2007 4.0000

Just wait a sec while I check to see if my Slug is responding. showing a colleague my subversion setup on a NSLU2 (Slug) ianadavies 13 Dec 2007 3.5000

Exterminez-vous! Je suis demi-garlic demi-homme! Attempting to do a Bill Bailey sketch; the dalek bit went a bit awry! Kavey 15 Dec 2007 3.3333

Get your trousers out of the cheese, Stu! Too much wine and post-Christmas games playing! Agglida 28 Dec 2007 3.3333

I'm sorry to have gender-sterotyped you, Ms. Cactus. After someone accused me of making assumptions when I called a cactus "Mr. Cactus." gothick 31 Dec 2007 3.5000

But there's no salt in pepper! Talking to one of my pregnant co-workers about salt and pepper. Well, she is pregnant! carojohnson 9 Jan 2008 3.6667

Strangely, if you drink it with Texas barbecue Pringles, it tastes just like ginger beer. Hal, on non-alcoholic Bucks FIzz gothick 12 Mar 2008 3.6667

You can't throw toast at the Lion King! André Powell, discussing the relative merits of certain musicals gothick 15 Mar 2008 4.0000

That's nonsense, the wee will form whilst we're cleaning our teeth and stuff the merits of whether or not to sit and wait for our tea to come through first or just to head straight for teeth cleaning, strangely wqe've opted for the former cos the wee is forming as i type halandrowly 27 Mar 2008 4.0000

My Toad is running like a Dog Mentioned by a colleague when he noticed his Toad installation was running a bit slow ianadavies 10 Apr 2008 4.3333

He was the only slightly famous black person I could think of apart from Bing Crosby He meant Bill Crosby halandrowly 21 Apr 2008 3.2500

Kylie Minogue is not going to come racing out of my belly button no matter how much you might like her to! Pete is convinced I have a bottomless belly button. When I pointed out that it doesn't come out through my back he decided it must be a wormhole and probably came out in Australia. Kavey 2 May 2008 4.6667

What I need is an optimal lid-matching algorithm Benjohn, trying to find a cover for his saucepan gothick 7 May 2008 3.6667

So that's the reason so many people get eaten by snakes -- the lack of duvet covers in the jungle Discussing the advice of throwing a duvet cover over a snake in the event of an attack gothick 7 May 2008 4.0000

Yes, I did give the dog a footie rub with lotion; what's wrong with that? (As submitted by D.D., via email.) gothick 12 May 2008 3.3333

She was very pleased with her bendy lamp-post Su, on having helped her daughter find an engineering example for her Physics GCSE... gothick 20 May 2008 3.6667

That made my head blink. After receiving a head massage... Kavey 20 May 2008 3.3333

Even with my ear in your armpit you don't feel cold? I was feeling cold. Pete wasn't. My ear, to me, felt particularly cold so I put it in the aforementioned armpit to warm it up. Kavey 20 May 2008 3.6667

It feels like tic-tacs all over my head - orange ones! Whilst receiving another head massage... Kavey 20 May 2008 4.0000

It is merely a three-dimensional projection of a multi-dimensional belly-button. Pete is still convinced I have a bottomless belly-button or perhaps one that is a portal to other dimensions or universes or something. This quote came some weeks after the previous belly-button one. Kavey 20 May 2008 4.0000

If you're drinking anything green, you've probably lost Discussing drinking games, and Midori in particular gothick 1 Jun 2008 3.0000

Is he wireless, or should he be tethered to the toaster? Said by Pete, on the usage of André as a toasting slave gothick 1 Jun 2008 4.3333

I can't drink tea from a chocolate éclair! Dave, on the discovery that there were plenty of éclairs to go around, but only half as many big mugs as people gothick 1 Jun 2008 4.0000

I don't think you can pull off "rugged" with an inflatable pillow Pete, refuting my assertion that I didn't look "cute" using Kavey's inflatable travel pillow gothick 1 Jun 2008 3.6667

I took the poorly sea monster to the syntax error shop to see if they could make it run A colleague describing a strange dream he once had ianadavies 12 Jun 2008 4.0000

Is there a reason you are standing in the kitchen doing a morris dance with your knickers? I happened to be excited about something, elated even. So I started jigging, waving the knickers I was holding (as I'd been about to put them on) in circles in time with the music (which was fully in my head). And Pete came in, looked at me in disbelief and uttered the quote. Kavey 22 Jul 2008 4.0000

You are the bellybutton mafia! OK it's two sentences. The first being an accusation from my husband. The second being my slow, delighted response as I accepted and agreed with the accusation. Kavey 22 Jul 2008 2.7500

My knees are geniuses Damn. Lily said this, but I can't remember why. I think it was an excellent catch, made completely unconsciously by her knees :) gothick 6 Aug 2008 3.7500

Having a cheese-fiend for a daughter would make me so proud John, after some food-based experimentation with young Catherine gothick 6 Aug 2008 3.0000

Your balls are so knackered they've evaporated! Curses. My memory's let me down on the context; I just know it was said during the group holiday and it made it into my notebook... gothick 6 Aug 2008 4.0000

Don't compare my bottom with doughnuts Said by Bexxi; as submitted by André. gothick 18 Aug 2008 3.0000

Transparent people sitting in semi-transparent chairs -- what more could you want? Said by James, on viewing the chair adverts on http://hag.no. gothick 2 Sep 2008 3.3333

He's driving his green right-angle. From his shape sorter. halandrowly 25 Sep 2008 4.3333

When Emmeline tells me if I'm shooting some bread, then I'll let you know if I need a rain-check. Discussing a product photography session that might have got in the way of a social engagement gothick 9 Oct 2008 3.2500

What I'd really like to see is the hamster and the Gummi-bear dancing together. Hey, it's from Kavey. She's the mother-lode of unique sentences. gothick 25 Oct 2008 3.3333

I've never seen an armpit pucker so. Google "sour patch candy", for images. Open that image in the first page of results. (You'll figure out which one). Husband will then make tongue-in-cheek suggestion that "it" is possibly an armpit. Kavey 25 Oct 2008 3.3333

That giraffe is actually two Petes high. Said by Gothick. Pete as a unit of measurement. Kavey 25 Oct 2008 4.0000

My fiancée gets annoyed every time I get the mannequin out of the garage. No, Mark really said that in part of a normal conversation. This is the kind of lifestyle mark leads. gothick 6 Nov 2008 3.3333

If you have any issues, talk to the balloon. Said by my manager, on revealing that the balloon festooning his desk was to celebrate his sponsorship of a new IT project. gothick 12 Nov 2008 3.3333

I thought that was Mr T. but it's actually the Queen The eyes don't focus as fast as they used to. halandrowly 22 Nov 2008 4.3333

The chair hasn't got cooties from the future, you know!" A colleague avoided using a chair because an unpleasant co-worker was going to be sitting in it a week *later*... gothick 27 Nov 2008 4.6667

There is a croissant-shaped hole in my universe! Discussing the terrible consequences of forgetting one's breakfast pastry. gothick 15 Dec 2008 3.6667

We don't chase you around the back of the sofa to watch you poo! Hal talking to her 2 year old son, because he was trying to follow his Dad into the loo. halandrowly 8 Jan 2009 4.0000

I was 20 every day for a week once. Said by Lil Mape. Kavey 6 Feb 2009 3.0000

Sometimes I call my daddy muller yoghurt in bed. Lots Mape. Kavey 6 Feb 2009 4.0000

As long as Mark doesn't use me as a joystick. Said by Pete Favelle when trying out Mape wii fit. Kavey 6 Feb 2009 3.3333

Where are you juicy juicy gander? Thea Mape. Kavey 6 Feb 2009 2.6667

Just imagine you've got to draw a circle with a pen attached to your penis - go around in circles with your penis. I was trying to teach Pete how to hula hoop. Kavey 6 Feb 2009 2.6667

Does the badger in the sombrero have a particular aversion to butter? It's a long story. But this was the moment when the fictional badger who was meant to distract me from seeing my birthday presents made a reappearance in the kitchen conversation... gothick 15 Feb 2009 4.6667

I have velvet cloths inside my head. I was just drifting off to sleep. I suspect my brain had already switched to weird dream mode. Kavey 27 Feb 2009 3.7500

You licked the honey off my keypad? Me, after a Kavey-related culinary accident. gothick 28 Mar 2009 3.6667

Am I an alien in a Kavey suit? Kavey 15 Apr 2009 3.0000

Is it okay for me to infect the batteries? Anna, who was banned from cooking due to illness, tries to discover what safer tasks she can handle. gothick 20 Apr 2009 3.2500

You almost made me snort my nostrils inside out! No idea, it's on the post-it pad I keep by my bed to note down odd things I say when I realise afterwards they are odder than intended and know I'll forget by morning! Kavey 23 May 2009 3.5000

The question is, would you still cuddle me if I were a human mushroom? Kavey 25 May 2009 4.6667

So you're saying that penguins are more like bellybuttons than fannies are? Kavey 25 May 2009 3.6667

I'm glad you stuck to my guns! I'd come with an idea but hadn't stuck to my guns, however Pete stuck to them for me, and pushed for said idea! Made perfect sense to me! Kavey 25 May 2009 2.6667

Do you think they can do that in the future yet? Kavey 25 May 2009 3.5000

Never strike up a conversation with someone who might want you to show them your poo. On discussing scary "nutritionists". gothick 10 Jun 2009 4.0000

Once small Italian men start licking their lips at you, it's time to call it a night. A description of a not-entirely-lovely evening in Walkabout by my colleague Sian. gothick 5 Jul 2009 4.0000

Oh, no, it won't be a fiasco -- Pete Doherty's going to be there. Mark Steel, "What's Going On" (p96) gothick 5 Jul 2009 3.5000

I want to do blackberries on the kudu! Talk about the difference a word makes. What I actually said was "I want to do blackberries and on to the kudu" meaning I wanted to go blackberry picking first and then onto the butcher we'd seen advertising kudu steaks. But the above is what Pete heard, and it then got repeated back. Kavey 29 Aug 2009 3.5000

My name is Indigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to be dyed. Pete and I were bantering in the car, I cannot for the life of me remember how our conversation ended up referencing both the film and dye colours but we both blurted this bastardised quote out together - which was more than a little freaky, given we both made it up as we said it! Kavey 29 Aug 2009 4.3333

We're thinking horse first, but we'll have the Parthenon as a backup. Four high school teachers were discussing what to sculpt out of Little Debbie treats. abrown 6 Nov 2009 4.3333

I apologise; despite appearances, it is actually quite a complex hat. My colleague Fraser takes the mickey out of our colleague Steph for her inability to put on a party hat. He then tries it himself, and fails. Scary fact: we were all at our desks, sober. gothick 3 Dec 2009 3.5000

He squirted Cromalin on me, so I threw his Crime Scene tape out the window. Both of my sons had asthma and used a nebulizer, into which one had to add a dose of the liquid drug Cromalin, which came in twist-top squeezable plastic ampoules. One son had a penchant for outrageous objects, one of which was a roll of the yellow tape used by police to surround a crime scene. BettyBoop 20 Mar 2010 3.3333

I thought I'd at least take the underwear off the ceiling fans. Trying to explain why I'd be late for work---the landlord was going to come into my house with an appraiser, and the house was a mess. Boss thought it wasn't necessary to clean up, so this was the most disgraceful thing I could think of if a stranger is coming to my house. (Wasn't true, of course.) BettyBoop 20 Mar 2010 2.6667

It's like banging my head against a brick window. Frustration in the office caused Danielle Nelson to utter these immortal words. Phooto 30 Mar 2010 4.0000

If insanity is close to genius, then I am clearly close to genius. this is one of my very own. You work it out. Phooto 30 Mar 2010 3.0000

It's raining outside, you know - that wet rain. my cousin, Vanessa Bowerman, really referring to 'fine rain', but we took her literally of course. Phooto 30 Mar 2010 4.0000

I use cat poo as a tiger repellent in our garden. It works perfectly. Phooto 30 Mar 2010 3.3333

There are three certainties in life, death, taxes and hard disk failure. The importance of backups. Phooto 31 Mar 2010 3.0000

If my dad taught me anything, it's "never prod a unicorn." gothick 20 Jun 2010 4.5000

I'm way too old for a pirate on my arse! Discussing Kavey's diamante skull-and-crossbones jeans embellishments. gothick 8 Aug 2010 4.5000

Oh shit, I got cheese in the pen! Said after stabbing a disemboweled pen into a slice of cheese. (<< also unique) (Ed: Submitted by Tom, via email) Anonymous 1 Oct 2010 3.0000

I'm pretty sure Death is savoury... I quoted Eddie Izzard's Cake or Death sketch. Most people responded that they'd like cake, but one asked for something savoury instead. This was another's response! ~said by Jennie of allthethingsieat.blogspot.com Kavey 13 Jan 2011 4.0000

Your hand is not a pigeon homed on my fanny, you know. (Submitted anonymously) Anonymous 16 Apr 2011 4.0000

He was expressing his displeasure at the risotto through the medium of contemporary dance. Harry, explaining to Zach what his little brother Fred was doing. gothick 17 Apr 2011 5.0000

I think dinosaur willies are a bit more discreet than humans' are I was talking to my 4 year old. halandrowly 28 Apr 2011 5.0000

I've got out my meta bunting. Benjohn, discussing alternatives to the Royal Wedding on Twitter (http://twitter.com/benjohnbarnes/status/63875596471644160) gothick 29 Apr 2011 0

Also, the danger of unregulated ukulele-playing in the Low Countries now abated. As said on Twitter by Neil Gaiman, after the release of his wife by the Dutch police. gothick 11 May 2011 0

Do they have some new breed of calm bonsai swan I've not previously encountered? Erm. A conversation in Baristas with someone heading off to feed the swans. Can't remember how they described them to prompt my response, though. gothick 14 Jun 2011 5.0000

I do not have semtex tits. I had my TENS machine on. On going out to lunch, took machine off and hid leads in my bra so didn't look like a suicide bomber! The conversation went on from there... Kavey 7 Nov 2011 5.0000

I've always felt slightly sorry for left-handed Nazis. Kavey, on the problems of wrong-handed saluting. gothick 15 Nov 2011 5.0000

At least your seals will be nicely tanned. Me to my colleague Mark at work, after he grudgingly accepted delivery of a package of replacement window seals that had had fake tan from someone else's parcel leak over it. I really didn't expect that to be my first sentence of the day. gothick 28 Sep 2012 5.0000

@BrendanLarvor: I found my sheepskin cap in the shadow of my cajón I thought I'd lost my winter hat, but then I found it Brendan 7 Dec 2012 0

Damn you and your non-euphemistic cloakroom I suggested to JoW that the cloakroom might actually be a room full of cloaks. gothick 28 Aug 2013 5.0000

I'm not nearly drunk enough to knife-fight an inflatable penguin. Had had a couple beers while out to dinner with my husband, and on the way home pointed out some inflatable Christmas decorations, which I hate. He jokingly suggested that after we put the kids in bed we go back out with knives to deflate them, to which I gave this response. ekissick 13 Dec 2013 5.0000

The last thing you need is your beard being shaved by a primordial ooze. The conversation down the pub moved onto primordial oozes PaulJ 23 Feb 2014 5.0000

I'm not filtering a wart through my mustache Another pub conversation. This time about the advantages of facial hair in stopping items getting as far as the mouth. PaulJ 23 Feb 2014 4.0000

I'm not doing semicolons at this time of night. We usually make a note of our unique sentences. This onewas uttered in response to criticism of not properly recording a different unique sentence. PaulJ 23 Feb 2014 5.0000

What you want is a hat made by Midas and Canute which would turn raindrops into gold. Russ, upon realizing that it was raining and he was about to get a wet head. PaulJ 23 Feb 2014 4.0000

I'm not the Venn diagram of rappers and judges. Russ, seemingly confusing music and the judicial system, in yet another pub conversation. PaulJ 23 Feb 2014 5.0000

I think the aliens might get a bit miffed if you went around painting the outside of their Dyson spheres white. More pub based conversational tomfoolery. Having rapidly exhausted our knowledge of the physics of such objects we moved onto more practical matters. Such as what colour it would end up if it was made of mushed up bits of the solar system, and how much nicer it would be if it were white. PaulJ 24 Feb 2014 5.0000

Chinese people should give birth to chickens so the girls would have a better chance of survival. Whilst pondering the problems of male chickens not having a very long life expectancy, Oggie solves this and the issue of Chinese families preferring male children in one neat stroke. PaulJ 24 Feb 2014 4.0000

Why is this Geordie Darth Vader from Somerset? Russ tries to do a Star Wars impression with a Geordie accent. And fails. PaulJ 24 Feb 2014 5.0000

Coco-pop pie would be improved by gravy. Paul offering proof, if it were ever needed, that all pies are improved by gravy. And probably by the removal of coco-pops. PaulJ 24 Feb 2014 4.0000

And then you enter, legally buttered up. The pub conversation moves onto wormholes and whether it would be a legal requirement to be lubricated to speed progress through one. PaulJ 5 Mar 2014 5.0000

Its got a crumpet bung and a bagel superstructure. Oggie considers the use of bread as a possible material for wormhole construction. PaulJ 5 Mar 2014 4.0000

You'd have to invent sandpaper while you were still a fish. More pub nonsense, this time pondering how life would be able to evolve out of the sea in a friction free universe. Surely the fish would just slide over the land and straight back into the sea. PaulJ 5 Mar 2014 5.0000

You can't just reclassify Mars as a meteorite because it's a longer word than planet. Paul is not convinced by Tim's attempt to rewrite the planetary pantheon. PaulJ 5 Mar 2014 4.0000

You could toast a kilt with a fork like that. Russ, worrying about sharing a room with a Scotsman. PaulJ 13 Apr 2014 5.0000

I believe he did that via the medium of trowel. Oggie was recounting a tale of a loud party which a neighbor decided to vent his frustration at by throwing a trowel through the window. PaulJ 13 Apr 2014 5.0000

I just got craneflied, but I hit it with my bunny. Uttered upon finding oneself in the flight path of a daddy-long-legs, and swatting it with a two-year-old's stuffed toy. talkie_tim 20 Sep 2014 5.0000

That doesn't make me a sex chimp. He's a father of two. talkie_tim 15 Nov 2014 3.0000

Flamingos are not very much like tomatoes, it is true! On writing about pink flamingos (as if there were any other colour, but still), I got confused about the plural and was muttering, out loud it seems, since Pete responded thus. Kavey 14 Mar 2015 0

I don't believe there's any such genre as folky acoustic wallaby Music discussions plus beer tend to shoot off at odd angles. PaulJ 21 Mar 2015 0

So your friends have got better personality and less clap, but do I care? Oggie defends his choice of friends in a beer fueled debate. PaulJ 21 Mar 2015 0

My backside is permanently imprinted on a Japanese database. Russ regales us all with a tale of a Japanese toilet with on-board video camera. PaulJ 21 Mar 2015 0

My phrase will be significantly more useful as long as the bear speaks Danish. Discussion of our very minimal grasp of most foreign languages and the very rare circumstances where the one or two phrases may prove useful. PaulJ 21 Mar 2015 0

The best thing about paint is that you don't have to paint it to see what colour it is. Explaining the benefits of having the colour on the lid PaulJ 21 Mar 2015 0

It's not my meatball it's my hourglass. Oggie discusses his wiggly hands and thought processes. PaulJ 21 Mar 2015 0

He's surfing along the aspergers rainbow. Oggie finds a colorful way to describe a colleague. PaulJ 21 Mar 2015 0

I can use this sock as a crush zone. Trying to minimise opportunities for breaking items in a suitcase. PaulJ 21 Mar 2015 0

Coffee tastes better from an annoyed elephant. I have no idea. I just found this in my notebook; from the context it was either said during an Instagram worldwide photo walk or on a permaculture farm in Somerset. gothick 26 Apr 2015 0