“Definitely a work boot, maybe Carhartt brand size 15 on one half… but next to it was a claw or egg beater-style impression. At first I thought someone was on a kick scooter, but who would use one in the sand, right? But then… I saw Saw.”

WICHITA, KANSAS — Lapsed Star Wars fan Leslie Thornbird has had her faith in the saga restored after a bizarre run-in with rebel commando Saw Gerrera. Ms. Thornbird recently suffered a coronary incident that should have killed her “deader than dead” according to reports from paramedics. Miraculously, however, the retired teacher not only survived the ordeal but claims to have spent 15 minutes in a half-life state amid a shining bright light and sand dunes as far as the eye can see. That’s when she first noticed a unique set of tracks in the sand.

Ms. Thornbird called out to the looming figure of Saw Gerrera in the distance. According to her, Gerrera looked bewildered and disheveled; as though he hadn’t shaved or showered in at least a few years since the events of Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. He was breathing hard and heavy and repeated the same thing over and over again.

“He wants me to save the dream, and I promised him I would… but not before pointing him forward as he had been walking in a giant circle in the sand.”

We’re glad to report Ms. Thornbird kept her promise. As of this writing, the 63-year old has exchanged her 12 packs-a-day smoking habit for slightly less deadly vaping, and she’s begun to exercise every morning. Ms. Thornbird also claims to be filled with an all-new love of Star Wars. For that, we say, thank you Saw Gerrera! Your methods may have been extreme, but you’re keeping the dream of Star Wars alive in us all, especially those who happen to visit purgatory for whatever reason.

Stay tuned to FakingStarWars.net for even more uplifting human interest stories from a galaxy far, far away.

-William “Willybobo” Bobo