Hi all, and Happy First of July.

Wow summer’s flying by, especially when you’re doing two and sometimes 3 reviews per week.

Here we are on part three of our little experiment, known as the Sunday Spotlight. For those of you who don’t know, Roy and I have been working with Brad Viar on his script The Playground, breaking it down into four parts, and doing more detailed reviews on what should be happening in those parts.

The goal is to have a stronger script for Brad by the time we come out on the other side.

Similar to Friday’s article (and actually why we put the questions up early) we’re taking a look from the midpoint to the start of Act 3.

That said, let’s jump right into it.

1. Is the process of our identification with the protagonist complete by Act Three?

By the third act, we should see several universal character traits, which were first highlighted in the pages leading up to the midpoint, standing out in relief.

A) Are there universal character traits in relief by this point? Is the protagonist honest, resourceful, caring, or creative? The thing about these adjectives is that they are universal. The audience can relate because they possess all these qualities too (even if they don’t possess them equally).

Aven is definitely showing his caring side. He’s taken the kids to Cloud Town, and there decides to save them al by driving during an attack by Sir. (You’ll remember his fear of driving since he still feels responsible for killing his brother-in-law.)

There’s also the point at the waterslide where the group is being attacked by Sir, and Lincoln protects them. Aven makes the children and Red escape first, while also wanting to save Lincoln, but knowing he can’t.

Our protag is getting stronger, and believing in himself.

10 out of 10 points.

B) Are the negative character traits which have plagued the protagonist up through the midpoint in full retreat by the third act?

Yes. Brad has a bit of a dark moment with Sunny. (The sunflower that used to be at the beginning is now a gate keeper of sorts at the end.)

Problem is I’d like more. Aven’s lost his friends and is feeling down, so I’d really like to see Sunny question Aven’s resolve. Sunny should know Aven can do it, but Aven has to believe he can do it, and I think Sunny should present a sort of mental trial with more pointed questions and dialogue.

Sunny should help Aven understand that the Playground is more or less what they all make it, and help Aven realize what needs to be done to defeat Sir.

5 out of 10 points.

C) In other words, does the protagonist finally TRUST what is best in him/her?

By Act 3, when Aven saves the kids, he does believe that their imaginations will carry them through. This part felt kind of hokey the way the dialogue presented it.

Page 89:

AVEN

If this place has taught me anything it’s that

nothing appears as it seems. Just have to

use your imagination right?

Then at the bottom:

AVEN

I know now why Sir makes you forget who you

were. There is great power in remembering.

We won’t let him take us without a fight. Today

we stop running. Today we face our fear and

take back what is ours.

I’d like a more clear cut decision on what and how Sir is to be defeated.

8 out of 10 points.

D) Is there a symmetrical loss of viability in the power of the “antagonist”? Have we found a weakness?

Sir’s weakness thus far is the light from the book. Aven’s used it several times to hold Sir back, but it’s really only slowed him down. We’re missing that inverse relationship between protagonist and antagonist that is going to take this story to the next level. (And make people like me go, “Holy crap, that’s DEEP!”)

5 out of 10 points.

2. Is there a functional plan in place to resolve whatever issue has been keeping the protagonist from fade out?

A) Does the plan DEPEND ON whatever universal character trait(s) the protagonist has spent the first two acts honing?

Yes. Aven’s belief in himself is the crucial part of the plan. He definitely has that, hokey dialogue and all.

Don’t get me wrong, this is definitely the way to go about “winning the day,” but I just wished there was a better reason than “we need to remember.”

10 out of 10 points.

B) Does the plan seem like the ONLY possible way to get to fade out? In other words, is it a necessary outgrowth of the plot points—or does it feel convenient?

Truthfully, it feels very convenient. It’s suddenly like, “If we remember, we win.” There doesn’t seem to be a logical conclusion for how Aven arrived there, just that he did.

Aven is definitely becoming a stronger character as we go through the story, which has to happen, and makes sense, but again, they suddenly get to the Before Place and he imagines himself as a super hero, and the other kids with water and Nerf guns.

We’re missing a few steps of how we arrive there.

I’m not entirely sold on the visuals of what Sir’s doing to the kids. It needs to be a stronger image, and I think this is an excellent area to tie in their plan by giving a brief glimpse of what hurts Sir.

1 out of 10 points.

C) Do we believe the protagonist will succeed or do we know it? We argue that it is better if we believe it. As a writer, you’re working toward your Peter Pan moment.

This might be me cheating, since I read the script before, but I feel like they’ll succeed. I’m still rooting for them all to overthrow Sir.

10 out of 10 points.

3. Like Blake Snyder, we agree that the momentum arrow from the midpoint to the act three break should be less halting AND detrimental to the protagonist and his goal.

Therefore:

A) Have we been driving pretty much relentlessly toward the defeat of the protagonist?

Yes, but there needs to be a reason for Lincoln. He’s one of my favorite characters, but why do they see him other than stumbling upon his cabin.

The kids should give a bit of expo about him, and maybe he’s a guardian of sorts where they think they’ll be safe from Sir. (But as Sir’s power grows, so does Lincoln’s diminish.)

He also should tie in somehow to either the main story, finding Clara, or the subplot, saving the Playground.

8 out of 10 points.

B) Is the “antagonist” using the protagonist’s flaw(s) to increase this pressure on the protagonist?

Kind of. Sir is just chasing them. In Cloud Town, Sir uses Clara’s image to trick Aven, but it was brief.

He DOES let Aven escape, apparently because Aven isn’t a child anymore emotionally or internally, but I’m not sure this is necessarily taking advantage of a flaw.

It’d be very cool (and maybe incorporate Lincoln into this) to have Sir call him out on Clara, what he did to Henry, or the fact that he doesn’t think he’s up to the challenge.

Doing this with Lincoln would be a nice tie in ESPECIALLY if it forces Aven to leave Lincoln to accomplish his goal. Sacrifices always lead to drama which leads to conflict.

(Which there still needs to be more of between Aven and the kids. They’re kids after all and shouldn’t want to lose Lincoln. Think of the hobbits when Gandalf sacrificed himself in Moria.)

Another good point could easily be where Sir hangs onto the car as it hovers above Cloud Town. He can remind Aven of his tragic accident, and ask Aven if he really wants to drive these kids. (This also presents an opportunity for the kids to ask what happened.)

5 out of 10 points.

4. Is there a clear place in the script where the protagonist points toward his/her trust in what is best about him/her?

A) Is there A SINGLE PAGE where it “clicks” for the protagonist.

Page 90, but again, I’m not sure exactly how Aven arrives there.

7 out of 10 points.

Conclusion

This part is a lot like the old script. I don’t think that’s a problem, but in an effort to streamline, it did feel like important facts from the old script didn’t make it into this one. (Like who Lincoln is and how he works.)

I kind of missed the balloon/waterslides scene. It was a cool scene where the group was lost. Talking with Roy though, I think we could go either way on that, and although it’s cool, it might be better to just keep the story moving.

Pooches and Flappy I liked being turncoats, but the dialogue seems EXACTLY the same from the first version and doesn’t fit the new outcome. GREAT dialogue for here will be cloaked double talk, where we’re not sure if Pooches is good or bad. (Especially after his “no stowaways” bit, where we laugh, but uncomfortably.)

Ultimately Pooches needs to spell it out that in order to save himself and Flappy he has to deliver them to Sir. AND it should be a more dramatic scene, like with them tied to the ship or something.

(Pooches should begin that “all is lost” moment that Sunny will continue, since Pooches has more or less given up hope.)

One last point, with all the memories in the field being from kids, we shouldn’t jump to an adult memory of Elle and Henry. A GREAT idea is to have them meeting as kids, presenting their love as that “once in a lifetime” sort. This makes the fact that we lost it all the more powerful. Maybe it’s Henry giving Elle a flower then her kissing him on the cheek, but something cute that kids in love would do. Aven taking the memory should also be more subtle.

Still, overall it’s good, and we’re heading in the right direction. Remember, this is the spot where it all has to tie together, and you’re bringing us down the homestretch. There needs to be substantial polishing once we finish the final part of this experiment, but no need to fear, Roy and I will be there to help.

Total 69 out of 100 points.

PS -What happened to the crystal? Did that get written in, only to be written out of the newest version? (I seem to remember Aven putting it in the book? Or am I making that up?)