This perception by special needs parents, teachers, doctors, school psychologists, therapists, coaches, pastors, neighbors (really anyone who comes into contact with children) needs to change.

When Alicia gave her profoundly impactful TEDx talk nearly 10 years ago, it was a call out to society.

There are millions of “glass children” in the United States. How did I arrive at that number? Well, there are millions of children with a disability. If you assume that most kids have at least one brother or sister, this translates to millions of glass children. Millions of children who grow up feeling “looked through” instead of “looked at.”

It’s typically not until they reach adulthood and work these issues out in therapy that they understand the magnitude of the “glass child” impact.

I recently had the great pleasure to catch up with Alicia over the phone. Just as she had so eloquently spoke her words 10 years ago, she says, “The behaviors and belief systems that are integrated into our childhood carry with us into adulthood unless there’s some kind of intervention. In adulthood, this typically appears as addiction or a different self-sabotaging behavior as well as having general low self esteem because glass children are conditioned to think their validation is achieved in the eyes other other people.”

Our society is conditioned to empathize with the special needs parents as well as give individualized focus to the disabled child himself.

But who’s looking out for the sibling?

Who’s recognizing the sibling’s role in this unique family dynamic?

If the parents are stressed out, burnt out and depressed, there’s a good chance that the sibling is too.

Let’s be more conscious of the reality that it will likely be the sibling who will, one day, outlive the parents and service care providers and be responsible for caring for their special needs brother or sister.

The mindset of adults interacting with typically developing children who have a special needs sibling needs to shift. It needs to change from “You’re fine. Continue to be a good boy for your parents and help out wherever you can.” to “I know you’re not fine. Let’s talk about it and spend one-on-one time together.”

And I believe the agent of change are those of us who lived this “glass child” existence.

Me. You.

But how can we create change starting right now?