Recently I’ve been craving oatmeal. This wouldn’t be noteworthy to anyone else but everyone 2-3 people (hey you, you, and perhaps you!) know that I don’t really eat carbs. I might be terrified of them. No. “Terrified” is too strong. I’m terrified of knives. Petrified. Objectified? No thats not it. I-don’t-want-them-fied. There it is.

Of course this also comes on the heels of me telling a coworker that rather than craving specific foods, I crave specific nutrition. Example: I crave protein. Example: I crave fiber. Example: I am I-don’t-want-them-fied of carbs.

So here comes Oatmeal. Making a liar out of me. Typical, Oatmeal. TOTALLY TYPICAL. (Example: I am nuts.)

But oatmeal is one of the greatest carbs you could ever crave. It’s rich with fiber and an admirable bit of protein. And what’s another fantastic marriage of carbs and fiber that everyone should eat lots of? Wicker baskets! Vegetables! Do you see where this is going? (No peeking at the title that you already read and/or the photos you been seeing that appear to be complete non sequiturs to what I am talking about!)

It’s going straight to Vegan Bean and Veggie Burger town.

Population: cliche.

This meatless patty has been pumped up with tons of beans, vegetables, and some sneaky hidden extra protein. The oats and flax powder both do a good job of holding it all together – a common vegan burger flaw is fall-apart-itis – while the miso paste and hummus keep it far from dry. Plus a little bit of liquid smoke never hurt anybody, amiright? And mung beans! I love mung beans. The other guys are cool too but mung beans!!

Oh and it tastes real good. Real mighty fine and good.

Get ready for a few more oatmeal-friendly recipes in the future. Something tells me the large bag of oats that sits on my kitchen shelf and eyeballs me on the regular won’t go away by itself. Unless that’s a thing oatmeal does. I dunno. I’m new to this.

VEGAN BEAN AND VEGGIE BURGER

makes about 12 patties

(I made two different variations…this is the hybrid of all the good parts.)

Inspired by this article in the New York Times

1 can garbanzo beans

1 can cannellini beans

140g raw mung beans, cooked according to package

1 cup frozen spinach, cooked according to package

1 cup (85g) frozen broccoli florets, cooked according to package

2/3 cup (87g) petite green peas, cooked according to oh my goodness are you still reading this

100g canned beets, diced (I’m currently obsessed with Love Beets)

5oz (142g) shiitake mushrooms

2-3 cloves of garlic, minced and divided

1 tsp garlic powder, divided

1 1/2 tsp onion powder, divided

1 tsp black pepper, divided

1 tsp salt, divided (I AM A ROBOT.)

1 tsp hickory liquid smoke

2 tablespoons powdered flax seed

2 tablespoons red miso paste

2 tablespoons edamame hummus (this is a real thing that exists. Or you can use another hummus. See if I care.)

1 cup rolled oats (I attempted one version without the oats but I don’t entirely recommend it. No oats = classic sloppy vegan burger.)

That’s entirely too many ingredients so let’s get started before it gets dark:

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Line a couple baking sheets with parchment paper. Set aside.

Cook your shiitake mushrooms and 1 clove of minced garlic in a skillet over medium heat. I added some random dried chili peppers that I found in my cupboard to cook with the mushrooms. I liked it. Add some salt and pepper to taste. Once they’re soft and brown and juicy, remove from heat and discard the dried chilis if you used them. Chop the mushrooms.

Combine the mushrooms, beets, broccoli, peas, spinach (you cooked those, right? excellent) and 1 clove of minced garlic in a food processor. Pulse until it’s pretty broken down but not exactly a paste. Some odd chunks of veggies is just fine. Remove from the food processor and put in a large bowl. Stir in 1/2 tsp of salt, 1/2 tsp garlic powder, 1/2 tsp black pepper and 3/4 tsp onion powder. Set aside.

Combine the garbanzo beans, cannellini, cooked mung beans, and another clove of minced garlic if you’re not a close talker in the food processor. Again pulse until it’s just before a paste. Don’t fear the renegade chunk or two. Move into a bowl and stir in the remaining spices. Combine with the bowl of veggies and stir well. Taste and adjust spices to your liking. Toss in the liquid smoke. Stir. Stir in the flax powder and mix well. Add the miso paste. Stir stir stir. Add the hummus. Stir more and more. Finally, stir in the oats.

Form about 12 patties from your mixture and place on the baking sheets. Bake for 20 minutes at 350 and then raise the temperature to 375 and bake another 5 or so minutes. This gives it a bit of a crust I think? Helps it stick together? Sure. Remove and let cool a bit before eating. Top with something maybe. Then eat your heart out. But then also eat the burgers. Mostly the burgers.