A man working for an undisclosed large London investment company has been fired for attempting to deliver his monthly report in the same manner Iranian defender Milad Mohammadi took a throw-in during the closing stages of Iran’s match with Spain.

“I thought, what better demonstrates competency than a sick flip before you deliver a throw-in or, in my case, a statistical breakdown on the monthly performance of our corporate branch,” said Steve Scone, shortly before demonstrating the manner in which he attempted to pass the report to his boss.

“At first my boss asked me why I was individually kissing each graph but I simply ignored his questions knowing what was to come would help me grab a late equaliser against the best international team in the world or, at the very least, highlight my recent work with Sandra in accounts,” said Steve, who was now showing us the CCTV footage of the incident which Barry from security had generously sent him over WhatsApp.

“This is the part where I speak to God who gives me the thumbs up in regard to attempting the flip,” explained Steve. “Everyone knows you have to get that confirmation from God before attempting any sort of 360. And here’s the mistake that led to my firing. Instead of retaining the ball like Mohammadi did after realising the idea was ridiculous and God had betrayed him, I just went ahead and threw 180 pages of report straight in to the face of my boss. The binder really does a number on him.”

More to follow.