Chelsea fans were up in arms at yesterday’s column. Some of them believed that we do have secret sources here at TFTTF and those secret sources did actually believe that Lampard was returning to the Bridge. Never let it be said that you can lead a Chelsea fan a merry dance, right? I tell you know folks, Lampard is not signing for Chelsea in January. No! He is going to Liverpool instead.

You might recall that a lad by the name of Oscar plays football for Chelsea. Not for much longer apparently. Inter Milan, having just appointed their new coach, have earmarked the Brazilian attacker as the perfect welcome gift to their new man. Considering they will have to wait until January to get him, it would suggest that they are going to give him longer than Frank de Boer.

So Pogba’s Dab is now a maths question. In an actual exam. It’s all a matter of angles, you see. Here’s an equation for the more mathematic among you.. If (a) Pogba cost £89m and is mainly known for a (b) celebration that we rarely see does (c) equal he is a big waste of money? Mocking aside, I do like the style of the French teacher, making maths very relevant to his students. Child Sunderland fans everywhere will be trying to work out in maths classes tomorrow their % chance of not getting relegated.

Mourinho wants United players to “bleed” for the cause. I wonder if Jose thinks he is a master of the subtle art of subtlety? His thinly veiled jibes at some of his players are less subtle than a Stevie G “come and get me plea.”

Speaking of which, following in Frank’s footsteps which some might say he had to do for his entire international career, Gerrard claims he has offers in England, both on and off the pitch. If you ever wanted an example of blind loyalty from football fans, there are some Liverpool supporters that would sacrifice their best chance of winning the title since 1990 in return for seeing Gerrard play at Anfield once more. Just invite him back for a testimonial, surely? Luckily for them Klopp is in charge and he is not a complete popularist fool like Brendan who already has form for putting Gerrard before a Premier League title.

Pep is the right task master, isn’t he? First he bans WiFi, then he kicks out Yaya and now it turns out he has banned all his players from having sex after midnight. Poor Yaya, it really isn’t his year is it? No sex after midnight, it can’t be anything to do with pumpkins at City because they all play for United.

Alex Iwobi has assumed that Arsene Wenger was going to loan him out at the start of the season, presumably because that what Arsene seems to be doing to most of his young, homegrown talent these days. But no, Iwobi has forced himself into the first team and will probably be one of the few remaining players fit enough to play United.

England welcomed Spain to Wembley last night, probably aware that Spain could not have given less of a whatever about the match if they had been playing Melchester Rovers. If Pogba had played the pass Lallana pulled off to Vardy, they would have been dabbing to the moon and back. Not that Liverpool fans care. After being completely in love with international football on Friday night when Lallana and Sturridge got goals, they were completely out of love with it when Lallana limped off after 20 minutes at Wembley. International football might mean very little to anyone other than the 80 or so thousand that turned out at Wembley, but try telling Jamie Vardy that. He “won” a penalty off Reina and then scored his first goal in a decade. He’s back. Leicester for the title now. He celebrated it by standing completely still with three other players in a moment reminiscent of United’s attacking play this season. Liverpool “reject” Iago Aspas had John Stones back tracking so far he found himself playing for the Barnsley youth team again. After an hour Twitter was all over the potential appointment of Southgate as the permanent manager. Deep into injury time, when Spain brought on some of their better players, we weren’t so sure. Still, that’s international friendlies for you, full of entertainment.

International football now buggers off until March. This means we have our football back. Sadly for Sunderland and Swansea fans that means, yes, you have your football back too. Please accept my commiserations.