Things haven’t gone so well for Bret Bielema since he took over as Arkansas head football coach. The Razorbacks are 0-12 in the SEC under Bielema, and just 7-13 overall. He left a cushy job at Wisconsin where he had four double-digit win seasons in seven years and three consecutive Rose Bowl appearances to come to Fayetteville. It was a curious move, and he explained it all in the next issue of Roasting Butts Magazine:

I thought I was signing up for a lifetime supply of pulled pork sandwiches. Everyone knows I love to eat – having a pulled pork bar-b-que sandwich with my shirt off is one of my favorite things to do. What can I say, I’m a messy eater.

So I’m sitting in my office in Madison when in walks Jeff Long. I didn’t know at the time that he was the A.D. at Arkansas. All I saw was the giant pig he had on top of his head. Naturally, I figured he’d come to sell me some B-B-Q. I had previously told my secretary to let all food salesman into my office, so there was a steady stream.

So Mr. Long goes on and on about how his Razorbacks are the best, how it doesn’t get any better than what’s down in Arkansas. I was pretty intrigued…and getting pretty hungry. I thought it was a pretty long sales pitch for some B-B-Q, but I’ll be honest, I was just thinking about what type of sauce I planned to use. The guy was a great salesman because he had me so worked up, when he said the words ‘three million dollars’ and ‘sign right here’, I jumped right on it before I had even tasted a sample.

Turns out he was talking about salary for coaching football, and not the value of a lifetime supply of sandwiches. So I guess I signed up to be the head coach of Arkansas instead of eating my weight in B-B-Q. Sure, we can’t win a SEC game, but my wife looks a lot better down here than with her face frozen in the Wisconsin winter. I’m the kind of guy who makes the best out of these situations. In 1994 I played Arena football and was paid entirely in Snickers bars after a misunderstanding in contract negotiation.

Screw it, Pig Sooie!