You stare at the monitor at your low security job in the Mundo owned Gankcorp Conglomerate building. Your security job at the at building doesn’t pay much, but it’s easy work while you wait for something better to show up. Mundo can be a hard ass sometimes, but the free cleaver weapon does give you a sense of empowerment. You lean back in your comfy arm chair when a sickening crash in the side of the building causes you to fall off your precarious perch. You run outside, and look in horror as a giant metal, spike ball has embedded itself in the glass exterior of the building. Suddenly, the ball collapses? No, it unravels to reveal a sickening figure as it snatches your boss in its metal grip. You hear a faint “Mundo isn’t going where he pleases! Help Mundo or you’re all fired!” before the giant figure leaps off the building and curling back into a ball before rolling off. You run back to your desk, hovering over the call police button. Then it hits you, this isn’t a job for the police, this is a job for someone more capable.

This is a job for Gnarlie’s Guardian Angels. You patch into their hotline and get Gnarlie on the phone.

…I see. This is most grave news indeed. The evil metal beast you saw was none other than Full Metal Rammus. He was once meant to be a guardian of our society, but he turned rouge and we thought he malfunctioned. I guess we know where he went. I had reports that he was causing some problems with the steel mills, so we also know where he got his upgrades. I will assure you that we will take down this monstrosity. My angels will cut him up like salami at a deli, and put the remains in the recycling bin. When we are done, he’s going to be sold like any other tin can for 487 RP a pop.

I’m going to call in all the angels on this one. First, is my peerless and fearless leader, High Command Katarina. Her set of skills makes any evildoer tremble in their boots. Her skills in combat have won accolades Valoran over, and make her the ideal choice to send in for combat. Her knives may be sharp, but she’s the leader for her even sharper intellect and decision-making skills. In the time that it takes you to sit on the porcelain throne, she can decimate a whole battalion of Ionian special forces. There may be others like her, but Katarina is the one and only best. I’ll add her 375 RP hiring costs to the city’s tab.

Next on our list of angels to call, we have Miss Fortune. Though she looks set to stun, she will put a lead ball between your eyes. She’s very quick on the draw, and makes John Wayne look like Paul Blart. Of course, such talent never comes with strings attached. Unfortunately, she has the disposition of a flighty 12 year old, and needs someone like Katarina to keep her in line. You didn’t hear it from me, but the city’s got another 440 RP added to their tab.

My last angel is Vayne. She’s a wild card, and always seems to have a grudge against everyone. I’ve heard rumors that she killed everyone in a bar for looking at her the wrong way, and I’m not too inclined to look deeply into it. Her mean streak is only matched by her weapons and deadly precision. As the weapons specialist of the group, she carries the heavy weapons. Her crossbow can hit you harder than a tiger stance Udyr hopped up on red pots, with the ability to root you harder than Zyra’s plants. She’s a force to be reckoned with, and I think the city’s getting a steal for only 440 RP.

Not really an angel, I do have one more guy to add to the list. My main man, Pantheon, is a specialist in orbital weaponry. His set up is a mobile food truck, The Bakery, functions both as a command center for analyzing data, dropping orbital strikes and coordinating drones, all while making a delicious muffin in the morning. I still think he should add coffee to the menu, but he thinks I’m an idiot. Anyway, his mobile communications center should make the whole operation go very smoothly as a whole, and for only 395 RP, I think the city got a real steal.

Oh, what’s this? It seems that Miss Fortune wandered off again. Of course she does that in the middle of a mission. It seems she raided an American Anivia store for clothes. Decked out in her new… outfit, Road Warrior Miss Fortune, displays a stunning look combined with showing off her more immature side. Like I said: aim of a marksman, disposition of a child. Oh well, I guess I will have to reimburse the store for the loss. WHAT? 260 RP FOR THOSE CLOTHES? This is coming right out of her paycheck.

The City may have its funds depleted and buildings ruined in the coming battle, but that doesn’t mean you have to be a loser. From July 12th to 15th, you too can hire our services!