Strong Link Found Between Supporting Communism And Never Once Having Opened A History Book

CAMBRIDGE, MA—A study performed by researchers at Harvard University found a strong link between supporting the idea of communism and never once having even briefly opened a history book, sources confirmed Tuesday.

The study appears to imply that would-be communists are deterred from supporting the political theory the moment they encounter any real-life examples of communism in world history and read about the tens of millions of people murdered or slaughtered under communist rulers.

“We found that of the people who advocate communism today, over 97% slept all the way through each of their history classes in elementary school, high school, and college,” head researcher Todd Devlin said in a statement accompanying the release of the study’s findings. “Without exception, not a single supporter of communism in the study had ever opened any kind of history textbook or scholarly work covering the 20th century.”

“They do occasionally catch a special on Nazis on the History Channel, but usually turn it off before the piece begins to break down the horrific regimes of Joseph Stalin and Chairman Mao,” the paper continued.

The study also found that the majority of modern communists who do happen across a stray piece of information showing the horrors and atrocities of real-life communism are able to quickly rationalize the historical facts away by labeling those examples “not real communism.”

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