Many of the arguments against libertarians online is usually of an entrepreneurial nature and I decided to compile a quick list of ideas for anyone looking to profiteer on the poor souls that wish to keep some state services intact, even in a post-state society.

Buy a mug, degenerate!

War-in-a-Box

For the young warhawks that will never see another pointless war after government has been dismantled! We help you set up a conflict in a foreign country and you get to chose from our menu of weapons to be deployed on the civilian population. Any real casualties to any of our staff or equipment will cost extra. We have a wide range of selection on geographic scenery for your conflict to chose from and we can add any wanted detail to fit your specific needs.

For a small fee, you can get The Neocon deluxe upgrade consisting of fabricated lies on why the war you are heading into makes you on the right side of history – soundclips of voice actors, well-produced TV shows and speeches all ready to be unleashed on any doubter of your wise choice of battleground. We are not responsible for how any counter-propaganda other costumers purchase will affect your upgrade package. See the terms and services for more details.

Your Dream Roads™

Hoverboards, jetpacks, and other modes of modern transportation a tad too fancy for your conservative ass? Longing for some old-fashioned, hard asphalt under your wheels? Look no further.

Your Dream Roads™ is a solution based product that aims to make the roads as expensive as possible. You don’t have to pay for the whole road upfront, our simple money funneling plans take care of the financing of the road in an intricate system to rob you blind.

With a purchase of this product, you are obligated to buy our over-priced fuel at only 10 times the rates of other sellers, as a first step to pay for the road. To travel, you’ll need a special license at an absurd cost from one of our local offices. Since you will be the only one served, there are no lines though! What a time saver.

Our staff will stop you every chance they get and collect a bounty for catching you. Confiscation of any material possessions at our discretion. If our staff is starving, the ratio of travel you enjoy without us stopping you might vary.

Future costs may appear, including what kind of vehicle you possess and at what time of day you use the road. View this as a grace period. Bridges not available at this time. Roads might not be available at all times.

Airport Groping Services

Feeling uneasy when nobody forces you to open your luggage at the airport? Haven’t had decent human contact in over a decade and badly need uniformed personnel to fill this void?

We offer a subscription model that alert us anytime you purchase plane tickets. We will deploy your own personal Airport Groping Services before any flight. Rudeness during “security checks” at no additional cost, that one is on the house: We care about your discomfort. Family rates available, nobody should get harassed alone. The perfect birthday gift for the guy or gal that got everything, but are afraid of people in turbans.

Possible side-effects might include missed flights, damaged property, divorce, and therapy bills.

Non-Player Character Academia

If you have a child that seems to uphold some semblance of critical thought or is leaning towards taking a course that leads to a job, we have the perfect school for any concerned parent: The Non-Player Character Academia. No practical skillset taught – guaranteed!

We have two ways to pay for your child’s “education” available. The first, the popular choice of Scandinavians everywhere, is that our agents will extract funds from all your neighbors on your behalf. You can watch the payments gets collected by logging in to our homepage and see the redistribution in real-time! NPC Academia may apply additional fees if the extraction is delayed when any of your neighbors resist. No responsibility for any lack of bbq-invitations is taken by our company.

The second (and more expensive for your family) is to sell your child’s soul to our corporate branch at an interest rate of 7% annually. Expected date of debt freedom is carefully planned to mess up the start of the life cycle for any newly graduated.

A mix of the two options available, contact our sales time to sort out the details!

– ALEX UTOPIUM Scandinavian anti-establishment blogger, editor for the Utopium Blog. Counter-economics, agorist-separatism, and free market advocate.