Ok, not really, but he’s the only celebrity I’ve managed a 20-year crush on. And he’s going to be particularly difficult to humanize because, well, he just doesn’t give much away.

I mean, we all know he’s highly dedicated to charitable causes, he has an affinity for models, and that he’s done some incredible acting work but has somehow managed to get snuffed at the Oscars 100% of the time. But I want to know what makes celebrities real people. What mundane thoughts go through his head on daily basis? What does he think about being a celebrity? Does he like blue box Mac n’ cheese?

He has revealed that this mystery of his persona is perhaps intentional:

It’s a really obvious thing to say, but the more people know too much about who you really are, and it’s a fundamental thing, the more the mystery is taken away from the artist, and the harder it is for people to believe that person in a particular role.

Damnit, Leo!!

He’s actually wrong, in my case. There’s nothing that fascinates me more than seeing someone play a character that is near opposite of the person they are in real life. And the more I know about a celebrity, the more pronounced that discrepancy is. I just love looking at the two different personas and wondering how on earth did they make the jump from this person that they are to that character?

I like to be baffled, I guess.

Leo DiCap first wandered his way into my life on a rainy afternoon episode of “Growing Pains”. He was the bad boy foster kid (or was he adopted? I don’t remember) every young girl was in love with. I had no interest in that show until Leo showed up – he brought a grit and rebellion that tinted it to just the right shade. I have a hard time even imagining how the show survived before that.

And of course he career shot forward from there. Despite my fan status, I have admittedly not seen all of his moves – “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape” is still on my watch list (I understand it’s a bit of a sin to not have seen this one yet) as well as “This Boy’s Life” and a few others that have come out since my first child was born about 7 years ago. Of the ones I’ve seen, though, his talent is palpable. He adds a depth to his characters that many actors simply can’t reach. I actually believe him to be a rather sensitive person in real life – I know this isn’t often manifest outside his charitable causes, but I think part of his appeal is that he is a sensitive man playing fairly brutal and broken characters. It allows him to add sensitivity and humanity – intentionally or not – to characters we might otherwise hate. And there’s nothing I love more than an actor who can make his audience love a very unloveable character.

But the movie I want to focus on for the purposes of this post is one that I think has revealed the most about the real person in Leo’s skin – the one that isn’t so different from you and me; the one that maybe crushes under the pressure of his popularity at times. The movie I’m talking about is “The Aviator”. It was a great film, of course, as all of Leo’s films are, but it forced him to reveal something fairly personal: he has OCD.

And I’m not talking about the kind if OCD where a person really likes their house clean and says “oh my god, I’m so OCD” with a laugh and a twinkle in their eye because they actually like how clean they are and it doesn’t really bother them at all. I’m talking about the real thing. The kind that had to be managed, that interferes with your life, that makes you hate yourself sometimes. The kind that makes you analytical enough to recognize that your fame is a blessing and you have no right to complain about it, but that it also can make you into a dick if you’re not careful. The kind that leads you to count your steps and avoid cracks in the sidewalk.

These are all things Leo has experienced – but he’s not secretly a crazy artist with a tortured mind as we all like to think when we hear about these things. He’s just a guy like the rest of us with a vice.

I’ve struggled with OCD my whole life – of course, this is why I find his revelation so fascinating. He spoke about OCD for the first time (that I’m aware of) while playing the OCD-suffering title character in “The Aviator”. He’s stated that he’s had pretty good control over it most of his life, but had to sort of “let it out” to play that character – shit, I get anxious just watching a movie with a character who has OCD. I can’t imagine playing one! He found himself struggling not to step on every gum stain on the sidewalk (I like to have the same number of steps between each crack in the sidewalk) and taking longer than usual to get ready to go on set.

This thing is real for him. And, as sad as it is, it’s sometimes really great to hear that someone with the same ailments we struggle with can still be back-breakingly successful. And you know what? Even Leo seems to have some interest in not only being a regular human being, but understanding what it means to be a human being:

The thing that surprised me the most about this material is as many different genres that are mixed in, whatever Martin Scorsese did stylistically with this film, at it’s very essence it is a film about the human condition and human trauma and the dark side of who we are.

This quote was in reference to “Shutter Island”, but I think it applies equally to “The Aviator”. As I said before, the guy has depth. He even talks about disliking the objectification of being slated “Hottest Celebrity” or any other number of attractiveness-focused titles.

In fact, I take back my comment from the beginning of this post that Leo is difficult to humanize. Quite the opposite – I’m not sure there are many other celebrities who have that level of connection to their humanity. He seems painstakingly aware of himself, his tendencies (for better or for worse), and effects the human condition has on him. He seems determined to fight the bad (or perhaps just ineffective) and embrace the good.

Not to objectify you, Leo, but I think you’re getting even more attractive in your old age – physically and emotionally. Will you please quit it??

Sigh. Well, I guess I am in love with you, after all.

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