Thousands Dead As Missile Carrying Blue Confetti For Gender Reveal Party Accidentally Detonates Its Nuclear Payload

FAYETTEVILLE, AR—FEMA hazmat teams continue to comb through the ruins of Fayetteville in search of survivors after a tragic accident at a local gender reveal party. Steve and Donna Lakehorn had rented a Trident II ICBM from a nearby silo for their son’s gender reveal party, but disaster struck when the missile accidentally detonated its nuclear payload instead of releasing a cloud of blue confetti, killing up to 50,000 residents and irradiating the surrounding areas for the next several billion years.

“This culture of one-upmanship was bound to lead to something like this,” said former Fayetteville resident Cindy McMurrow, who was fortunately out of town during the nuclear detonation. “They could have easily used a MOAB or some other high-powered conventional ordnance instead, but nowadays everyone wants the next big viral TikTok video.”

A FEMA spokesperson said that the agency is spread dangerously thin between providing nuclear relief in Arkansas and its efforts to contain an outbreak of weaponized Ebola in Atlanta following another botched gender reveal party. The spokesperson added that in that particular case, the baby was a girl.

Mr. and Mrs. Lakehorn were unavailable for comment as they had been vaporized in the explosion.

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost. Get FREE Access *with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee