The return of Nick. I would say this episode had it all, but that would also mean it had a rose ceremony. I guess if you can’t find a way to dramatically exit the show then you don’t have to go home. And not only are we skipping rose ceremonies and thus not sending guys home, we are adding them. By the time the finale airs Kaitlyn is going to have a whole new cast and even more dudes than what she started with. Even the Duggars on that 19 kids and counting show can’t believe how quickly this cast is growing. I just hope no one on the bachelorette gets flagged for illegal touching:

So we naturally start where last week left off. Kaitlyn takes off towards Clint and asks him to come chat. For some reason he is putting his belt back on the entire walk. When did it come off? More importantly, why was it off? Clint starts sweet talking his way out of things and almost has Kaitlyn convinced. As soon as she was ready to let him stay something snapped and she gave him the boot. It was like him talking to her and having her become sympathetic woke her up. Very strange how someone convincing the bachelorette almost served as proof (in her eyes) that he needed to go. I think that she was afraid if she didn’t do this now he could convince her to go a very long way. Impressive on Clint’s part for giving that a go, impressive for her to realize it and stop herself. The best part however was when they walked back into the room and Kaitlyn told everyone that Clint was leaving. JJ out of nowhere thinks all the guys are owed an apology. To be honest I thought he was talking to Kaitlyn because there is no way he would turn on his bff, his confidant, his lover(?). Turns out he went Benedict Arnold and was talking to Clint. JJ runs to Clint afterwards and tries to apologize only for Clint to rip him apart. After he leaves, JJ walks off by himself and starts crying. To try and man up he hits himself in the face and heads back in. Even Tyler Durden thinks dude needs to chill.

First group date is a rap battle hosted by Doug E. Fresh. I will admit again that I know nothing about that kind of music. I wouldn’t know who Doug E. Fresh was if he showed up at my door with Kaitlyn and Chris Harrison. Mr. Fresh’s appearance was upstaged however. Is that Ashley I from last season back there in the crowd? You know the one, the girl that wanted to be a princess and let everyone know that she has yet to be deflowered. Tagging along with her is creepy Nick, the runner up from Andi’s season. This tool:

But wasn’t he trying to get with Andi after her and Josh ended things? It seems as if Andi’s candle has burned out because he is on to bigger and better things. Nick is a jersey chaser and desperate for attention. In the off season Nick and Kaitlyn had apparently struck up a conversation on the social medias. He told her he would regret not getting the chance to meet her. This perplexed Kaitlyn so much that she made out with him a couple hours later. She did the tactical thing by going back to the group of guys on the date and explaining the situation to gauge how receptive they would be to bringing him on the show. You could tell they weren’t pleased, but no one had the balls to come right out and say it. She tells creepy Nick she needs to sleep on it.

The following day Kaitlyn tells Nick they should speak in person, but she needs to get ready for her date that night (that’s not weird). Needing a little help deciding what to do she needs to chat with someone about her predicament. Turns out her hair stylist for today is none other than bachelorette and blog favorite Ashley S. Yes. That Ashley S:

I hope that Tony the “healer” can get his hair done by Ashley S. As Kaitlyn is describing her situation Ashley starts talking about love vs lust. You know you are in trouble when Ashley S is the voice of reason. After Kaitlyn gets her hair did she meets Nick who gets out of his cab with a closed umbrella looking like some Mary Poppins motherfucker. Kaitlyn gives him the green light and he’s on the show. Back in the hotel room the guys are debating how they should feel and what they should do. Chris (cupcake) gives some sort of passionate speech about how they should respect whatever she decides and wants to make sure she knows they won’t revolt. Before the camera cuts away someone says “maybe we should”. I rewound this several times to try and catch who it was. Listening to voice and determining the body language of everyone in the room I was able to determine that it was Corey. That piece of information is probably irrelevant in every sense of the word, but just know that I am out in the field doing the dirty work as well.

One on one date was with Jared. They go to some museum. Jared is super boring. Just like museums. Kaitlyn is thinking about Nick the whole time. Jared spouts a bunch of cliches like it not mattering where he goes, as long as it’s with her. He gets a rose. Jared is super beta.

Meanwhile the guys are still back at the hotel trying to decide how to handle the Nick thing. Some are struggling with how to feel. As Clint told JJ before he left earlier, it’s time to nut up or shut up.

For the final group date they head off to a musical of the Disney movie Aladdin. They are going through some rehearsal before the big show later that night and we meet the leads of the show. Aladdin is being played by some Dean Cain looking dude. I am a bit disappointed that Ashley I didn’t show up with Nick for this date instead because she would have murdered the girl playing Princess Jasmine and tried to fill the part:

As you may know I fancy myself as a bit of a bachelor franchise savant. I want you to skim this post from last season and see if I made any references to Ashley wanting to be Princess Jasmine:

http://thefantasysuite.tumblr.com/post/108141774010/bachelor-goes-sci-fi-syfy

Cupcake wins the Aladdin audition by being super dramatic with his singing and his stolen glances at Kaitlyn. This even prompted one of the judges to clarify his performance by saying, “I don’t think he’s making fun of it”. They get a small part in the musical later that evening. We sadly didn’t get to see the best part when Jafar, played by creepy Nick, and Jasmine, played by Ashley I, stole the show:

Look at those two pictures and tell me she’s not channeling her inner Jasmine.

And we didn’t even see Jafar in his true form:

We finish the episode watching Nick head to the hotel room of brahs whom I’m sure will great him with open arms. We are even along for the ride during the elevator flight up. Complete with elevator music and elevator guy that hits the buttons for you. Even though I love how this played out and all the drama that is bound to unfold I would be so pissed if I was one of those guys. I might discuss it more next week but this is a bad look for Kaitlyn. We’ll see how this shapes up. We might even get a rose ceremony next week.

Can’t forget about Britt, and we see her and Brady giving each other googly eyes on the beach. Not much to report here really. It just continues to be the subplot that everyone forgets about until they show it. You can probably find out if they are together on social media. I don’t care enough to look.

Don’t forget to follow the twitter account. Chissy has been live tweeting when she can. The only thing I have left is for Clint:

See you next week

- Nick