"Pack your bags: At least two vacations a year can cut heart attack risk by 50%." Of course, when you're not being paid enough to pay the rent, you're more likely to be packing your bags due to eviction than because you can afford a vacation. Not to mention that few McDonald's workers get paid vacations.

"Sing away stress: Singing along to your favorite songs can lower your blood pressure." You better sing a lot, because you sure don't have employer-provided health coverage!

"Break it up: Breaking food into pieces often results in eating less and still feeling full." Great strategy if your problem is overeating. If your problem is not having enough food, what you need is more food, not small pieces of it.

"Digging Out From Holiday Debt: You may also want to consider returning some of your unopened purchases that may not seem as appealing as they did. Selling some of your unwanted possessions on eBay or Craigslist could bring in some quick cash." And by "unwanted" possessions we mean that if you have a kidney to spare and connections to illegal organ sellers, that would really boost your finances.

"Quit complaining: Stress hormone levels rise by 15% after ten minutes of complaining." Riiight. It's not that McDonald's doesn't want you to complain about your job because it might lead you to organize and demand more, it's that complaining is bad for you.

Applying for government assistance isn't the only helpful strategy McDonald's offers its workers struggling to make ends meet on poverty wages. A "McResource" website offers workers all sorts of great strategies for surviving life as McDonald's workers ... in fantasyland, anyway. A video from Low Pay is Not OK highlights some of the absurdities:

As hilarious as it is watching McDonald's pretend it cares and wants to help, though, the sad fact is that for many of its employees, the advice to sign up for government assistance is the only way, short of working two or three jobs, they'll be able to get by. Until workers build enough power to get the pay they deserve, anyway.

