In the Real Housewives world, you can be sure of three things: wigs, self-branded Costco liquor lines, and infidelity. The Emily Post of Manhattan, LuAnn de Lesseps D’Agostino (at least she didn’t need to change her monogrammed towels!), married Tom D’Agostino eight months ago. Any RHONY fan knows the cackling hens that are her castmates made it well known they didn’t like how she was going to walk down the aisle to marry someone whose peen had traversed Manhattan more than a Gray Line tour, and it seems like nothing has changed.

Page Six is reporting Tom’s ring didn’t mean a thing (ugh, wrong franchise. Forgive me!!), as the Keebler Elf’s doppelganger was spotted getting close to a woman last weekend who most certainly was not a brunette Chico’s model-type incessantly barking about the proper way to cut a hot dog. The source tells Page Six:

“[Tom] showed up at the bar, solo, wearing his wedding ring, but likely loving his surroundings since the dive bar wouldn’t be a spot his usual circle of friends would find him in.”

Of course not! Even a dive bar has enough decency to not offer Ramona Singer’s Pinot Grigio, so why would she ever darken its door?? Saturday, while LuAnn was attending Jill Zarin’s Luxury Luncheon, which I sincerely hope was emceed by that barking bitch Ginger Zarin, Tom was nowhere to be found before eventually arriving at the dive. The source added he even tried to get frisky in the presence of all the cheap hooch:

“[Tom was] putting his hand over hers. He went in to get even closer to her, but she pushed him away noting that people could still be watching. It looked like he was up to no good.”

Of course not! Unless a Bravo camera is around, why even bother!? It’s been rumored things have been a little strained in the D’Esperate household, as Tom says (I hope you’re sitting down for this) LuAnn is dramatic and, well, because Tom can’t keep his trouser snake in its cage. The two both denied anything bad went down, which means some shit definitely happened, but Tom probably tossed in six figures to the Kickstarter for LuAnn’s next music video, and she quickly got over it. Cheat C’est La Vie!

Pic: Wenn.com