All accountants are alcoholics. An alcoholic is a person who by definition cannot get enough alcohol and constantly seeks more. Not surprisingly, this fits all accountants, from those who drink by themselves to those who are always dressed for the club while at work.

Throughout college, accountants grew up on beer. A few of them even took classes on viticulture, which qualifies them as wine experts after two quarters worth of courses. When they have graduated to the workforce, accountants drink beer at company socials, partake of wine at dinners, and down shots at recruiting events. Note that when a company limits drinks at these events, accountants wind up that much more wasted.

From the days of the classroom to the conference room, accountants can drink. Not only can they drink, but accountants are among the most productive professionals after drinking. That is to say, while most people need to recover the next day, you will find accountants at work early the next day. This post-hangover productivity is well practiced by accountants during annual training where they stay out all night and sit in all day.

While accountants receive decent salaries, this does not stop accountants from making up their self-perceived undercompensation with liquid paychecks. Accountants are able to receive a constant supply of free booze from company functions and recruiting events.

Accountants tend to be risk averse individuals. As such, companies provide accountants with a safe cab policy. This policy is that although accountants should drink in moderation, a cab ride home is covered by the company with no questions asked.

If an accountant insists that they don’t drink, you can bet that they are able to drink you under the table. If you want to impress an accountant, simply figure out what kind of alcohol they prefer the most. You can be confident that your gift will be put to good use.

Tags: #50, Alcohol, Blame it on the Alcohol, Buy you a Drank

