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Every story surrounding Attorney General Jeff “King Keebler” Sessions is an attempt to move the country further away from the fact that the man runs an operation that MAKES COOKIES IN A FUCKING TREE!




At some point, it would do the America justice to focus on the health regulations that have to be violated with cookies being made inside a tree! What kind of kitchen setup does he have? Are there any black elves inside this tree sweatshop? Do they have proper washrooms in this tree? We, at The Root, are on to you King Keebler and no matter what you do, we won’t let this die. We are a dog with a bone!

On Tuesday, Sessions continued his bumbling rise from the second sheriff of Mayberry to the top cop of the land when he joined a conservative group’s high school leadership summit’s chant of “Lock her up,” a rally cry from Trump supporters who believe that Hillary Clinton should be in prison for being a woman who challenged a man for the White House. Oh, and something about her emails and a server or some shit.


It’s become a racist rallying cry from the right whenever Sessions is around, since he can actually lock people up, so it was a bit disturbing to see him actually join in the call, to in fact, lock her up. To Sessions’ credit, he’s kind of stupid, so it was unclear if Sessions was repeating the phrase because he couldn’t hear exactly what the kids were saying, which I find hard to believe given the ears on this fucking guy, or if he was really joining in on the chant. Either way, Sessions is a spineless overload of elves, so I’m going assume that he was all in on the chant.

According to CN N, Sessions was addressing a group of conservative high schoolers in Washington, D.C., and let’s pause for a second to take this all in. Nothing says popularity like a conservative group of high schoolers. I’m getting images of polos and boat shoes and unseasoned skin tones. Anyway, the summit wasn’t all Hillary Clinton bashing as Sessions reportedly championed free speech, or more importantly, right-winged free speech.

Sessions criticized universities for coddling young people.

“After the 2016 election, for example, they held a ‘cry-in’ at Cornell. I hope they had plenty of tissues for ‘em to cry on,” Sessions said. “They had therapy dogs at the University of Kansas. Play-Doh and coloring books at the University of Michigan, for heaven’s sakes. You know, give me a break. Students at Tufts were encouraged to ‘draw about their feelings.’


“Well I can tell this group isn’t going to have to have Play-Doh when you get attacked in college and you get involved in a debate,” Sessions told the crowd attending Turning Point USA’s High School Leadership Summit at George Washington University, CNN reports. “I like this bunch, I gotta tell you. You’re not going to be backing down. Go get ‘em. Go get ‘em.”

Then all of the white men tipped their cowboy hats back and shot their six shooters into the ceiling. Fine, they didn’t. But that’s around the time that the boisterous group of yacht thuggery began shouting, “Lock her up.”


“Lock her up,” Sessions said, chuckling.

“I heard that a long time over the last campaign,” he said before continuing with his prepared speech.


The rally cry of the right started during Trump’s 2016 campaign and has continued as the president badgers Sessions for not investigating Clinton’s use of a private server when she was the secretary of state.


Whether Sessions was fully joining the wild mob of open-topped Jeep owners in the battle cry, it was certainly an awkward moment and one we’ve come to expect from this deplorable administration.