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40 Reasons why the US is Better than Britain (humor)

Posted on by notfornothing

40 Reasons Why the USA Is Better Than Britain

1. We're not constantly starting whiney boastful lists like ''Reasons why the UK is...'' - no need.

2. God forbid, but if the U.S. decided to attack you, what could you do about it?

3. Don't you brush your teeth, or have dentists?

4. American women are the hottest in the world. British women? "Birds." Bad teeth plays a big part.

5. Our space center is at Cape Canaveral; yours is where...?

6. Travel slogan : the UK, home of the original mad cow disease

7. Let's compare the number of Nobel laureates. 'Nuff said.

8. How many men have you landed on the moon? Or even put into space at all?

9. MIT, Harvard, Stanford, Yale, Princeton, Caltech,etc. - all BETTER than Oxbridge (or whatever the hell it's called)

10. Without us, Buckingham palace would be a Luftwaffe and Wehrmacht day spa

11. California alone has a larger economy than England.

12. Your cars suck - especially the Mini, a coffin on wheels.

13. IBM, Texas Instruments, Intel, Microsoft, H-P, Dell, Apple...shall I go on?

14. Taking back the Falklands from Argentina; oooh, impressive military might there

15. Why do so many Britishers come here looking for work?

16. Lend-Lease saved your candy asses in WW II.

17. Does anybody work over there, or are you all on the dole?

18. Your sports suck - soccer (football), rugby, cricket, croquet, polo, etc.

19. We don't dwell on past, faded glory; we keep looking ahead.

20. Elvis - without him, no Beatles, Stones, Who, Duran Duran, Spice Girls, etc.

21. British entertainers don't really make it big until they're popular in the U.S.

22. General Motors, Ford, AT&T, Exxon, Mobil, Boeing, Lockheed, etc., etc.

23. Let's compare the number of Olympic medals.

24. Regular elections, not those panicky vote-of-confidence recalls of Parliament.

25. Exactly what does the House of Lords do?

26. We don't have soccer (football) hooligans embarrassing us all over the world.

27. We have the most advanced medical care system in the world.

28. The days of ''the sun never sets on the British Empire'' are long, long gone.

29. You're obsessed with your own history because you seem to have no future.

30. We have much better TV, and more viewing options - no BBC rules

31. Our Hollywood vs. your, your what...?

32. How many U.S. TV series are on your telly? (The Simpsons is #1); vice versa?

33. Almost nothing that happens in the UK is of any importance or interest to us

34. We've sent craft to the moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, and beyond the solar system.

35. Your high taxes and welfare state discourage initiative and a good work ethic

36. Without us, the Union Jack would have a large black swastika over it.

37. Eisenhower, Patton, Bradley vs. what, Montgomery?

38. You don't see us building a tunnel to France

39. Because we don't use words like ''cheeky'', what the hell is that anyway?

40. Rock and Roll originated here



TOPICS:

Humor

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Much ado about an obvious point, of course, but I've seen a million "UK is better than the US because..." lists from inferiority complected Brits. This is the first one I've seen of its kind. See reason #1...



To: notfornothing

Your cars suck Jaguar and Aston Martin suck?



To: notfornothing

I am a red-blooded American, but they were fighting for their lives in 1940 while our country had its thumb up its a**. Also, Monty wasn't the only British General. General Orde Wingate practically wrote the book on jungle warfare.



To: notfornothing

I like it. Especially after the Brits were saying they should be able to vote in OUR elections. They miss the point that if WE had been able to vote in THEIR elections we'd still be British!!!!



Dumbasses. It must be the warm beer they drink. (:



by 4 posted onby PeterFinn ("Tolerance" means WE have to tolerate THEM, they can hate us all they want.)

To: notfornothing

WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS LIST?? WE ARE KINDA GRATEFUL THE UK JOINED US IN THE WAR< ARENT WE?



THANKS BRITAIN, THIS AMERICAN APPRECIATES YOUR HELP



To: notfornothing

"Overpaid, Oversexed and Over here" --- Brits to Yanks in WWII "Underpaid, undersexed, and under Eisenhower" --- Yank Retort C'mon guys, what's wrong with a little ribbing between friends. When I was in London, my English colleagues loved dishing it out on us.



To: Mr. K

I just thought it was kind of funny. No real malice to our British friends, of course. ;)



To: Mr. Mojo

Jaguars & Aston-Martins used to come standard with a few shillings in the glove box so you could call a tow truck.



With Jaguar & Aston-Martin now owned by Ford their reliability has improved markedly.



Americans make English cars better than the English can.



by 8 posted onby PeterFinn ("Tolerance" means WE have to tolerate THEM, they can hate us all they want.)

To: notfornothing

Boo, I love my native country, but let's face it this country just shows what people with English values and outlook can do if freed from the hidebound traditions designed to keep a ruling oligarchy in place.



Be not proud. England today is a mess by American standards, but in twenty years they may be running rings around us, especially if the Demoncrats arise from the dead and Thratcherism is once again ascendant over there. It's just that close.



To: Lonesome in Massachussets

Good points. One need only look at English America (and to a lesser extent Canada) and then compare the Spanish speaking rest of the Americas to see the inherent superiority of British culture and ideals. I think you guys may be missing the point of this. It wasn't intended as a serious commentary on Britain-US relations (hence the word humor. Just a silly David Letterman style top ten list to poke a little fun at our British friends...



To: PeterFinn

now, btw), they were things of beauty and had excellent road manners. I wouldn't exactly say the (above pictured) Aston Martin DB5 "sucked." Although the pre-buyout AMs and Jags were far from the most reliable machines on the road (and they don't exactly have great reliablity, btw), they were things of beauty and had excellent road manners. I wouldn't exactly say the (above pictured) Aston Martin DB5 "sucked."



To: notfornothing

10. Without us, Buckingham palace would be a Luftwaffe and Wehrmacht day spa. Not so. By the beginning of September, 1940, the RAF actually had the Luftwaffe beaten. Though both sides did not know it at the time. It was Hitler's first defeat and caused him to turn his army toward Russia and his Waterloo. As well, the British invented the pressed paper drop tanks that gave the fighters the range to escort US bombers over the Third Reich. And what kind of engines did most of those fighters use by 1944-45? British Rolls-Royce Merlin engines were in the nose of American P-51 Mustangs. As an American of Scots-Irish descent, I still like the British. Though they treated my ancestors like slaves, the Brits are a remarkable people and have done some remarkable things from a little island that is smaller than California. As for Nobel Laureates, I predict that the cure that will someday, probably, save your life, will have come from research done in Britain.



To: Lonesome in Massachussets

England affected a love for governance after WW2 that defies the roots of her people who fiercely conquered continents, oceans, and competitors.



As she let go of her empire she let go of her spirit.



For England to truly rise again she should start by rebuilding the Royal Navy - the heart of the spirit of England. England with a Navy is a power to be respected. Without her Navy she's just Ireland with nicer looking uniforms.



by 13 posted onby PeterFinn ("Tolerance" means WE have to tolerate THEM, they can hate us all they want.)

To: notfornothing

Try to find a straight road in the UK... or the one where two cars can pass each other without taking the mirrors off.



To: notfornothing

41. You can shoot a home invader in the chest in your living room with a knife in his hand coming at you with intent to do you great bodily harm and not be called a murderer and thown in jail while the perp sues you (yet).



To: PeterFinn

I think Britain may experience a revival precipitated by a rejection of the EU Constitution if they ever get the chance. That will spark an exodus of internationalists to the continent that might preserve/revive whatever is left of old English culture.



To: notfornothing

You know, despite the fact that a vast amount of Britain's population has been brainwashed by their super-liberal media, they *are* our friends.



To the UK, thanks for your friendship, even if we do disagree. Maybe if the Guardian ever goes out of business, you'll come around!



My wonderful girlfriend was born and spent most of her life in England. Most of Southampton now hates me for stealing one of the most gorgeous women in the country away. For that, I'll always be thankful.



And tell the Prime Minister thanks for the support in the war, but that his party sucks, and you should all vote Conservative!



And can someone over there PLEASE send me regular issues of the UK Spectacular Spider-Man?



To: PeterFinn

That's the truth!



To: notfornothing

Well I'll take this in the spirit it's intended... just one or two points. 3. Don't you brush your teeth, or have dentists? We brush our teeth and have dentists, unfortunately a whole generation of Brits were traumatised by the results of the American obsession with endless tinkering with teeth as embodied in the Osmond Brothers 4. American women are the hottest in the world. British women? "Birds." Bad teeth plays a big part. Five words Catherine Zeta Jones vs Maureen Dowd 7. Let's compare the number of Nobel laureates. 'Nuff said. Did we say we wanted Toni Morrison? Sorry she's yours. 11. California alone has a larger economy than England. California is larger than England, your point was ? 13. IBM, Texas Instruments, Intel, Microsoft, H-P, Dell, Apple...shall I go on? Two names: Charles Babbage and Ada Countess of Lovelace 14. Taking back the Falklands from Argentina; oooh, impressive military might there You may not want to go there! Grenada anyone. 15. Why do so many Britishers come here looking for work? To replace the Americans who are ensconced in the City of London and are spread about the rest of London. I've got a list I want you to start taking back, starting with Madonna and Kevin Spacey. 18. Your sports suck - soccer (football), rugby, cricket, croquet, polo, etc. President Bush played rugby, if its good enough for him... 23. Let's compare the number of Olympic medals. Yes you have some good steroids BALCO anyone? 24. Regular elections, not those panicky vote-of-confidence recalls of Parliament. General election over and done with in 6 weeks. 25. Exactly what does the House of Lords do? At present they are our only defence against the totalitarian regime of Tony Blair. 28. The days of ''the sun never sets on the British Empire'' are long, long gone. True but the legacy being one of your major allies in Iraq. 29. You're obsessed with your own history because you seem to have no future. My history is bigger than your history! 30. We have much better TV, and more viewing options - no BBC rules I have 360 channels to watch, I'm sure one of them has Jerry Springer on. 31. Our Hollywood vs. your, your what...? Communist Party of Great Britain. 32. How many U.S. TV series are on your telly? (The Simpsons is #1); vice versa? Too many. The Simpsons is not number 1. 36. Without us, the Union Jack would have a large black swastika over it. You took so long to join in it nearly did have. 40. Rock and Roll originated here And perfected here. Because we never thought to include the words b*tch and ho in entertainment aimed at children. Chin chin old chap :-)



To: Mr. Mojo

"Although the pre-buyout AMs and Jags were far from the most reliable machines on the road (and they don't exactly have great reliablity now, btw), they were things of beauty and had excellent road manners."



EXCUSE ME! I've had a Jag X-type all-wheel drive for 2+ years and live in big-time snow country with lots of hills. Great reliability, performance, and I LOVE my Jag! The AMs and Jags, I will agree, are some of the most beautiful cars ever designed. Sheer sex on the road! The old joke about Jags: own two, one for the garage and one to drive, have been eliminated due to Ford taking over (and I'm not a fan of Ford). One of the first things Ford did to the Jag was to beef up the electrical harness, which it needed desperately. Maybe I'm just lucky, but I've wanted a Jag all my life, and finally have one and it runs great. I live in a rural area, but if my Jag goes 'down', my dealer will come to my house (or wherever), w/another Jag and pick up my car to be fixed. World class car with high class service. Sorry to rant, but as you can tell, I'm a real Jag lover!





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