When I was an undergraduate, I wrote a thesis titled “Feminism v femocracy”. It explored the question of whether female politicians actually advance the cause of women more generally. This was my first awakening to the theory – which I’d already sensed from growing up under Margaret Thatcher – that the presence of women in politics has obvious symbolic value, but in no way guarantees to advance the female cause.

I suspect that we as a society are not sensible enough to deal with revelations of personal suffering

Listening to Theresa May’s interview on LBC last night – the second time in a week she has slightly lowered the barriers in a hitherto highly filtered and choreographed campaign – I realised how complicated things had become. Our second female prime minister spoke of “boy jobs”, such as taking the bins out, – which her husband does, and “girl jobs” – which she does. Last night it became clear her girl job of choice is cooking – she has 100 cook books and likes to make slow-cooked lamb shoulder.

But if this kind of gender talk irked me a bit, her response to questions about her family won my sympathy. LBC interviewer Nick Ferrari asked May about the fact that she and her husband do not have any children.

“It’s been very sad,” May replied. “It just turned out not to be possible for us. We’re not the only couple who find themselves in that situation. When you do, I suppose you just get on with life. We have nephews and nieces.”

Play Video 1:11 Philip May on the One Show: 'I take the bins out' – video

The sad thing here was not just that May has been through that, but that she was having to talk about it on the radio. It grates that female politicians should have to answer these questions during elections. It feels too intimate, intrusive, and too easily manipulated into the lowest form of political point scoring.

May will remember that well. Andrea Leadsom, May’s rival in last year’s Tory leadership race, dropped out after suggesting to a journalist that she had more of a “stake” in the future of the country because, unlike May, she was a mother.

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And I suspect we as a society are not sensible enough to deal with these revelations of personal suffering either. Nicola Sturgeon gave a dignified interview to the Sunday Times last year about having had a miscarriage, now best remembered for the inexplicable decision of the newspaper to accompany it with a sidebar of “childless politicians”. This term is all too often a euphemism for “childless female politicians”, into which category, the sidebar helpfully pointed out, fall May, Angela Merkel, Angela Eagle, Ruth Davidson, Natalie Bennett and Justine Greening too.

This is not to say politicians’ family experience is irrelevant. It’s valid to ask, for example, whether the requirements of political leadership are incompatible with parenthood, and if disproportionate responsibility is borne by mothers. Mothers are underrepresented in parliament, which is not surprising, given that the working hours run often until 10pm and involve long periods away from home in out-of-London constituencies. It’s a similar story to the one experienced by working women in all sectors of the labour market, which I personally welcome them sharing.

But that doesn’t make me any more comfortable about the idea that those who are not mothers should be expected to make that fact part of their political campaigns. The inevitable consequence of this is the kind of statement made by Owen Smith, when he was running for the Labour leadership, and said “I’m normal – I’ve got a wife and three children”, a comment which cannot have been neutral for his rival Angela Eagle, who has no children and is gay.

“Childlessness” is a pejorative term, which many women reject for its implication that women without children are somehow deficient. But perhaps the real culprit here is normality. As long as we value the myth that there are “normal” people and everyone else, and that our politicians have to go on chat shows presenting themselves as the former, we will inevitably keep putting our female politicians through painful interrogations like this.