On Sunday I celebrated my 18th birthday. I’m now officially, in the UK at least, an adult who is able to buy alcohol and vote, and am now legally responsible for my actions. We marked the occasion by going out for breakfast with my Aunt, Uncle and other Aunt, and in the evening went down to the local Indian for a lovely meal with just the three other members of my immediate family. This was remarkably different to what my mother wanted us to do do – she had originally envisioned some sort of super-party with every single member of my family in attendance, as well as all their friends and perhaps every person I’ve ever met in my 18 years on this planet. I insisted that I just wanted to keep things very simple and eventually I managed to bargain the arrangement I mentioned above.

My previous seventeen birthdays have all been major events on my calendar; I’d spend several weeks looking forward to it, or more specifically, looking forward to having money and attention lavished on me. Even into my mid-teens, the idea of having gifts and being the centre of everyone’s thoughts still was incredibly exciting to me. My 18th was my first birthday since I discovered Buddhism. It is safe to say it was quite different experience to my other birthdays.

Firstly, the build up to my birthday was a much less emotional affair. I barely thought about it, only doing so when a friend or family member started talking about it, and even as late as the night before I simply forgot it was my birthday the following day. On the day I felt no different, whereas previously I had gone around feeling like some sort of Emperor. The gifts I received I received graciously and appreciated them for themselves whereas before if I did not get exactly what I wanted it would put a downer on the whole day. Before when I received money or gift vouchers, no amount was enough, but on my 18th again I appreciated and valued all the money I received. I was more appreciative of spending time and simply sharing a meal with my family than the gifts they gave, and felt a reduced feeling to indulge in sensuous pleasure – basically I didn’t want to stuff myself with cake as much as before.

It is difficult to say whether this new attitude towards my birthday was because of Buddhism, or simply because I’ve grown up. Maybe some natural maturity has (finally) kicked in and this is just part of becoming an adult. But I’m not satisfied by that answer, and have to say that my Buddhist beliefs certainly did have an influence on my attitude. I think reading about emptiness and mindfulness has had an affect on me subconsciously. I have felt less inclined to feel selfish and self-centred feelings, because of the doctrine of Attman, or the doctrine of no-self. I have felt the need to be mindful and to appreciate things in the moment, which is why I appreciated my family’s company rather than their gifts or the desire to stuff my face and drink heavily as some people like to do. This desire to drink or to eat or increase material wealth was hugely diminished this year, and this is down to my Buddhist beliefs, at least partly.

However, it is clear that these beliefs still need to be cultivated and developed, but it was so refreshing to have this experience of my birthday. Birthdays in the western tradition at least, are inherently self-centred affairs, and it my hope that everyone who reads this and indeed me myself will, in future work to turn birthdays from selfish events so focused on fulfilling personal desire into peaceful and selfless events.

Thank you for reading and may compassion and wisdom guide you through suffering.

Picture credit – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Birthday