Dear "Triggered," weak-filled, student of UMass.

This has been a long time coming. "The Triggering" event at UMass lived up to its name thanks to you lot. It ended up being a goldmine of reactionary SJW treasures. There were protests, complaints and temper tantrums. All things synonymous with leftism. Even TrigglyPuff made (his? her?) its debut - complete with clammy, clenched, Cheeto dusted hands. But it all pales in comparison to the pathetic-ness of this.

Here at LwC, I was able to get my (decidedly non-clammy) hands on an exclusive email sent from one of the students to the administration.

First, can we address the elephantine feminist in the room? You had the opportunity during the open Q&A session to voice this (no, not the lecture portion and no, not through yelling). You are a "communications" major after all. You decided to tuck tail and complain to the grown-ups. Such a strong woman you are.

You should feel great embarrassment for many reasons. Your email subject for starters. But allow me to address your concerns line by line.

After seeing the hateful comments that were posted on the event page, and hearing stories of friend's whose concerned comments were censored and not posted on the page, as an informed student I felt it was necessary to attend this event.

Here's a shot in the dark: those "censored" comments were likely pretty bad. Considering that comments calling for "literal blood" to "be spilled" were included on the page, I'd guess removal was appropriate. See the ones that remained, below.

See, the thing is, a private page removing explicitly violent comments doesn't count as "censorship." Showing up to a privately hosted event to scream over speakers and prevent them from making a living? Censorship. Catching on, sweetheart?

The panelists who were chosen were un-credentialed and unprofessional.

Milo Yiannopoulos is a highly educated graduate and successful entrepreneur. Christina Hoff Sommers has a doctorate in philosophy and has contributed to publications taught in colleges across the nation. I'm a comedian. I've also written, contributed to and worked for national news platforms and television programming for years. But all of this is irrelevant. The only credentials necessary are that of a willing audience. Of course, every single one of us is still more "credentialed" than a student with a yet-to-be-finished degree. Considering that yours is in "communications" as I read this letter... well... see you on the unemployment line.

More importantly, your immediate complaint perfectly exemplifies the SJW left's favorite tactic: attempting to silence opposing voices before the debate even begins. Instead of rebutting our ideas, you attack our credentials... Which sometimes serve as little more than status symbols. Your future "degree" is a good example.

By the way, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Abraham Lincoln were all "un-credentialed." Moving on.

They used this platform to spew hateful speech, which rendered audience applause.

Please point out any "hateful speech" that was spewed. The Rachel Maddow lookalike and her TrigglyPuff sidekick screeching "get the f*** off the stage!" or calling Dr. Sommers a "bitch" are acceptable submissions.

They brought up things such as rapes not occurring as frequently on college campuses as the "liberal hippies" want us to believe which again gained a loud approval from audience members. This makes me fear for my safety on this campus as a woman.

I'm still waiting for the part where these words form sentences that make a point. We discussed a lot of fake rape. I debunked the bogus statistic that 1 in 5 women are raped. Then people applauded... Because I was right. I'm beginning to see a trend here. You think fact-checking is hate speech. Boy, you're in for a long night/life.

"This makes me fear for my safety as a woman."

You mean you fear for your safety as a woman because people were applauding the fact that rape occurs less frequently than you assumed? People were literally cheering against rape. As seen below, people thunderously applaud as I openly condemn rape and challenge men to be better fathers/husbands. No really, watch.

Perhaps you don't understand the general concept of "applause." I know the banging of two hands together could be confusing to the untrained eye. It's not actually meant as an act of violence, but an expression of agreement. I see that your communications major hasn't done much in the way of familiarizing you with common human interactions. Perhaps you should switch majors.

I draw the line at the public shaming I witnessed tonight.

Just because you draw the line at "public shaming," that doesn't mean you get to void free speech for those who don't. That's not how free speech works. Now, allow me to continue with your public shaming.

When a student expressed their opinion in the middle of one [of] the talk[s], the presenter responded by calling the this person an "androgynous amoeba."

Firstly, you're making it sound much less funny than it actually was. Also, the phrase was obviously appropriate considering you can't even identify the gender yourself. And, actually, that androgynous little amoeba wasn't voicing an opinion. He was bellowing obscenities at the top of his lungs in an attempt to prevent me from speaking. Instead of having him escorted out by security, I addressed him the way any "credentialed" comedian should address a heckler. By making fun of him. He chose to yell caveman-esque profanities. In turn, he was roundly mocked. He had no right, and I had every right. That's what freedom of speech is. It was deserved, and I'll continue to serve said lessons as needed. Very similarly to what I'm doing for you right now. You'll thank me later.

When should one of our community members have to endure public ridicule based on their appearance?

Stupid question. Easy answer. The moment they disrupt a private event in an attempt to silence free speech is a good start. You can't claim freedom of speech for yourself but not others. It's not my fault that you and your colleagues are so woefully inept in the medium of human communication that every public conflict ends with your inevitable embarrassment. Again, might I strongly suggest changing your major.

Another woman wearing a Hijab was told that Muhammad was the "largest terrorist of them all."

You've proven that it's terribly difficult to listen while you're being offended. I never said "largest terrorist of them all," so those quotation marks are unnecessary. I've no doubt that Muhammad was physically small and feeble, like his many terrorist-followers. So I wouldn't have described him that way. What I did state, however, was that Muhammad was a terrorist. I've substantiated this claim many times, just as I substantiated it that evening.

I am requesting a formal apology of the UMass GOP to the student body for bringing these hateful people to campus.

I wouldn't hold my breath. I certainly won't apologize and I doubt that the UMass GOP will either. But I do find it telling that this is the way you end your "formal complaint."

Let us recap.

Step 1: Bitch about un-credentialed speakers and how they should have never been invited to begin with.

Step 2: Bitch about people's feelings being hurt.

Step 3: Bitch about how the speakers shouldn't have the right to retort to the verbal abuse screamed by your colleagues.

Step 4: Misrepresent quotes and positions held by speakers with zero substantiation.

Step 5: Demand an apology and that all dissenting voices be banned from hereafter.

Step 6: Fail to see the irony of your "communications" degree.

Notice anything missing?

At no point did you argue against any of the ideas presented. You didn't even petition for a forum to argue the presenters' ideas. Your entire email was solely focused on demanding the silencing of opinions you don't like.

My response?

Communications... you're doing it wrong. Now please change your major. You can thank me later.

Sincerely, Your Triggering Nightmare.

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