If you thought the straw ban was insanity, then just wait – there’s more! While people worry about trying not to get thrown in jail because they sipped their favorite beverage with a straw, or waiters/waitresses risk their careers by slipping someone a straw by accident, then you won’t be shocked when you’re informed that the plastic straw ban isn’t limited to just straws. That’s right, the insanity runs even deeper. Those fancy little plastic cocktail swords are banned too.

Patrons at restaurants who finally made it to their location after trekking through, or around, the gross amount of feces, used needles, and the stench of urine might need a few extra drinks to make their travels home better. Unfortunately, they won’t be sipping their concoctions out of the straws anymore, so they’ll put their lips right on the brim of a possibly dirty glass and they won’t even be allowed to have their drink look fancy for Instagram since the fun tiny weapons of mass decoration aren’t allowed anymore.

What are other typical everyday items banned? So far it seems like “plastic splash sticks, toothpicks, and cocktail sticks, which would have to include those little swords and umbrellas.”

The umbrellas are gone, too? I can’t even. Get me to Starbucks right away. I need 26 venti drinks with no straw, no splash stick, and I just feel like dumping them all over myself out of rage. Actually, that sounds like a horrible idea – just as bad as sitting in a Starbucks for hours and not buying anything, then getting arrested when you’re asked to leave because you simply felt like loitering.

Just imagine Barack Obama accidentally sipping with straws and using plastic swords a few times. He’ll get fined or end up behind bars!

Further explanation was stated as:

“Other straw bans typically target food service businesses, but this one will prohibit anyone, including grocery stores and other retailers, from selling plastic straws.

“The negative environmental impacts of single-use plastics are astronomical,” bill sponsor Katy Tang said in a statement. “San Francisco has been a pioneer of environmental change, and it’s time for us to find alternatives to the plastic that is choking our marine ecosystems and littering our streets.”

Like all good straw bans, the text of Tang’s bill mentions the questionable statistic that Americans use 500 million straws a day. This statistic comes from a unconfirmed 2011 phone survey of straw manufacturers conducted by a 9-year-old. Market analysts think the actual number is far lower.

Violators of San Francisco’s plastic straw/sword ban will face between $100 and $500 in fines, depending on the number of violations. While an explicit exemption for disabled people—many of whom lack the motor skills to drink or eat without a straw—is not included, the bill does say that “strict compliance” with the law is not required when it would “interfere with accommodating for any person’s medical needs.”

This makes it less punitive than the straw ban in nearby Santa Barbara, which has no disability exemption and even allows for the possibility of criminal sanctions. In other ways, though, San Francisco’s straw ban is quite restrictive. Unlike Seattle’s straw ban, for example, San Francisco’s does not allow straws made from most compostable bioplastics.”

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Meanwhile, in California, it was their Democratic Governor Jerry Brown who signed a bill that basically allows others to pass HIV to someone without being charged as a felon, as per the LA Times. “Gov. Jerry Brown signed a bill Friday that lowers from a felony to a misdemeanor the crime of knowingly exposing a sexual partner to HIV without disclosing the infection.

The measure also applies to those who give blood without telling the blood bank that they are HIV-positive.”

You can basically end someone’s life in California by sharing HIV infected blood, by not telling the blood bank, and not be charged with a felony, but you better not drink from a straw! Of course, you won’t be a felon for using a straw either, but just the fact that someone can be legally punished, via fines, is abhorrent enough. Wait. Nevermind. I was wrong. At least two towns threaten to jail repeat offenders. Just imagine going to prison for drinking water through a plastic straw a few times. That’s crazy, right?

Does anyone really think banning straws in California is going to save the planet or the environment at all? Are people serious with this? What about all the feces and urine in California? What about those wildfires going on? What if we looked at other cities like Chicago where 41 people were shot in less than 7 hours?

With all the harmful things going on in the country, it’s probably best for California to get their act together and worry about things that matter.

Drinking out of a plastic straw isn’t going to change the planet.

What are we going to drink out of instead, a big plastic lid?

Can California be serious for like five minutes?