1. Lambeau Field — Green Bay Packers — 80,735

This is truly the NFL’s only historic gem, the only one that would appear on a sports bucket list. All the other stadiums are either new or concrete bowls from the 70s that have concourses as narrow as Aaron Rodgers’ passing lanes. There’s really nothing more exciting to an NFL fan than hearing “January game at Lambeau.” Also, as an aside: Green Bay has just 25,000 more residents than that capacity of Lambeau Field, which — mind blown.

2. AT&T Stadium — Dallas Cowboys — 85,000

For $1.3 billion there better be fifties under every seat, amirite? But Jerry Jones got his wish and AT&T Stadium is the crown jewel of NFL stadiums. The scoreboard lives up to the hype and the tunnel the team comes out of is a great, NBA-style idea more teams should adopt.

3. Arrowhead Stadium — Kansas City Chiefs — 76,416

An oldie, but a goodie. Whereas our next stadium uses modern trickery to get loud, this one just rocks. Some of the greatest Monday night games were at Arrowhead during that brief Montana era.

4. CenturyLink Stadium — Seattle Seahawks — 67,000

The Seahawks stadium is relatively small — tied for 24th in the NFL. But what it lacks in size it makes up for in fakery with acoustic-booming aluminum and architectural parabolas that reverberate sound in a manner that’s just as shady as the Atlanta Falcons pumping in crowd noise. Go find a tin shack, the kind that hobos used to cook beans in during 1920s silent films. Get in and turn up Metallica’s …And Justice For All to 9 — just nine. That’s what it sounds like.

5. Lincoln Financial Field — Philadelphia Eagles — 69,596

One of the nicer, new stadiums. Why so high? Because what it lacks in bells and whistles it makes up for in great sight lines and a location directly off I-95 that includes plenty of parking, neither of which is to be underestimated. Oh, and The Linc is a great nickname.

6. Heinz Field — Pittsburgh Steelers — 68,400

Initially we had this higher than The Linc because of the water and skyline vistas, but it’s impossible to kick on that turf and the yellow seats make it painfully obvious when they’re unused (which isn’t often).

7. MetLife Stadium — New York Giants/Jets — 82,500

Home of the buttfumble. What more do you need?

8. Sports Authority Field at Mile High — Denver Broncos — 76,125

Automatically drops because of its awful, cumbersome name. Huge props to the Denver Post for refusing to name the corporate sponsor for a few years after the stadium was built. But we can’t put this too low; it’s a cool stadium at high altitude (a home-field advantage not often discussed).

9. M&T Bank Stadium — Baltimore Ravens — 71,008

A lot like The Linc in Philly, this stadium in Baltimore is right off the highway and walkable to nearby restaurants and bars. Other stadiums make you feel like you’re closer to the sky than the field, but even the upper deck in Baltimore provides good views, often of shirtless men brawling.

10. University of Phoenix Stadium — Arizona Cardinals — 63,400

11. Ralph Wilson Stadium — Buffalo Bills — 73,079

Would you rather be rocking in a new stadium with four craft beer stands, three restaurants and enough luxury boxes to house the entire Fortune 500 or do you want to go crazy in a concrete fortress built in the early 70s?

12. Paul Brown Stadium — Cincinnati Bengals — 65,515

Initially wrote this at “Paul Simon Stadium” which would have been cool too, especially late in the evening. As you can tell, this list is a sucker for centrally-located stadiums that are part of a city instead of out in the middle of nowhere.

13. FirstEnergy Stadium — Cleveland Browns — 67,431

Ditto on the downtown thing. Most of the stadiums built since 1999 are basically carbon copies of one another (football stadiums generally don’t have distinctive features like baseball stadiums– (e.g. Camden Yards’ wall, PNC Park’s bridge. Packing in fans is much more important.) But since this is right near the Rock N’ Roll Hall of Fame and on the water, it gets a little more love in the rankings. Some good bar trivia: The Browns stadium opened in 1999. After the Super Bowl is played at Levi’s Stadium in February, FirstEnergy will be the only stadium in the NFL not to have hosted a playoff game.

14. Lucas Oil Stadium — Indianapolis Colts — 67,000

Knocked one spot for the AFC Finalist banner. Still, this provides some pretty awesome views, especially when the sun is setting through the windows. A bonus for the retractable roof too.

15. Bank of America Stadium — Carolina Panthers — 73,778

BOA Stadium is nothing special, but it has a clean feel and is situated right in the heart of Charlotte.

16. Raymond James Stadium — Tampa Bay Buccaneers — 65,890

Pirate ship!

17. NRG Stadium — Houston Texans — 71,500

My goodness is that a horrible name for a stadium, though I guess coming from a city that once had Enron Field, it could be worse.

18. Levi’s Stadium — San Francisco 49ers — 68,500

If we were judging on sheer coolness alone, Levi’s would be near the top, probably just behind the Cowboys’ stadium. But this “San Francisco” arena is 42 miles from the actual city. That’s great for fans in Santa Clara, San Jose and other San-related cities south of Francisco, but not for the main base of fans.

19. Gillette Stadium — New England Patriots — 68,756

Same deal: Stadium a lot like The Linc, M&T, Mile High and other contemporaries, but one that’s 30 miles from Boston.

20. Nissan Stadium — Take a guess — 69,149

You could have given me 10 guesses as to which NFL team played in Nissan Stadium and I still wouldn’t have come up with the Tennessee Titans. That’s because Nissan Stadium is a new name, as LP gave up its naming sponsorship this year. This place has been open for just 16 years and is already on its fourth name. Bonus prize if you can name what LP is.

21. TCF Bank Stadium — Minnesota Vikings (temporary) — 52,200

With the Metrodome collapsed and the team’s new stadium still being built, the Vikings are camping out in the University of Minnesota stadium until next year. If this were a permanent situation, it’d rank much lower, but there’s a cool novelty of a big team playing in a smaller stadium. It’s like when UConn basketball plays a game at Gampel Pavilion or Georgetown does the same at McDonough. Or when no one goes to a Jags game.

22. EverBank Field — Jacksonville Jaguars — 67,246

Great venue for banner flying. Still don’t know how it hosted a Super Bowl.

23. Ford Field — 65,000- Detroit Lions

Now we’re getting to the “domed stadiums are evil” section of the rankings. However, of all domed stadiums, this one is the best, by far.

24. Mercedes Benz Superdome — New Orleans Saints — 73,000

I don’t know why I write Mercedes Benz at the front of that. I’m in solidarity with the old Denver Post policy. I’m not seeing any of that money. There’s a tennis tournament going on this week in which the tourney officials are getting all uppity and tweeting at legitimate news outlets essentially saying “there’s no such thing as the Shanghai Masters” it’s the “Shanghai Rolex Masters” and I’d be all, okay, give me a Rolex and we’ll call it even. Anyway, this is high because it’s the most famous dome still in use (miss you, Astrodome, Silverdome and Kingdome) and when it gets a rockin, don’t come a knockin’.

25. Qualcomm Stadium — San Diego Chargers — 70,561

“A dump” without any “panache” full of “apathetic” fans who “won’t give two shakes of a rat’s tail” if the team “moves to Los Angeles” is how Qualcomm was described to me by a San Diego resident who probably “reviews for Zagat’s.” But evidently it’s easy to get to and to leave, which makes it leaps and bounds better than the next stadium on our list.

26. FedEx Field — Washington Redskins — 73,000

I’m biased because I used to watch games at the greatest stadium in NFL history — RFK — and now have to drive halfway across the Beltway in Maryland (at least I don’t live in Virginia) to a parcel of land without enough parking where the stadium sits atop a hill like an unsightly acropolis. That they keep having to pull out seats says all you need to know. I would have ranked this No. 30 (which is second to last, because the Jets/Giants are combined as one) as FedEx is a concrete bowl of nothingness, built to pack in the fans but just before the “less is more” concept of the Linc, etc. came into vogue. (It’s sort of like how New Comiskey missed the retro trend started by Camden Yards). RFK it’s not.

But I’ve brought a bunch of people to games and talked to dozens more attending for the first time and all of them raved! I didn’t get it! And these weren’t people who had never been to games before either! They were knowledgeable about stadiums! And they liked it! So, here’s FedEx Field, much higher than I anticipated, but still really, really low! That’s a lot of exclamation points!

27. Georgia Dome — Atlanta Falcons — 71,250

I understand having a dome in Minnesota and Buffalo, neither of which are currently playing in domes. It makes sense that Syracuse football plays in one. But this is Atlanta, a city where the mere mention of ice or snow on the news shuts down the city like a scene from The Walking Dead. There’s no need for a dome here.

28. Edward Jones Dome — St. Louis Rams — 66,000

In case you couldn’t tell, this list is anti-domes. They’re horrific places to watch football games. However, and this is a little strange after all my bashing, you should try and go see one at least once. It’s an interesting experience, I’ll give it that.

29. SunLife Stadium — Miami Dolphins — 75,540

The Marlins have a better stadium than you. THE MARLINS! This stadium was crumbling when I went to the 2002 Orange Bowl (which I was stunned to find out wasn’t played at the Orange Bowl). I can’t imagine what it’s like now. (Renovations are underway at least.) Going up a jam-packed, four-story escalator to the upper deck was one of the more terrifying sporting experiences of my life and that’s coming from someone who once wore at Art Monk jersey to The Vet.

30. O.co Coliseum — Oakland Raiders — 56,057

The nostalgic part of me loves that there’s still an NFL stadium that has infield dirt for the first few weeks of the season. The rational part of me says, “hey bub, it’s 2015. Surely we can figure out a way around literally playing on a sandlot.”

31. Soldier Field — Chicago Bears — 61,500

It’s not the worst stadium in the NFL, it’s ranked last because it was once brilliant and is now a modern monstrosity. Soldier Field was Chicago’s acropolis, with Greek and Roman influence with Doric colonnades. Then a renovation turned it into “the Mistake by the Lake,” “Chicago’s ugliest building” and, as the New York Times once described, “a U.F.O. crash-landing on an ancient ruin.” (They still have some columns outside and visible inside but nothing like the old days.) Also, with all the renovations, the stadium is still the second-smallest in the NFL in the NFL’s second-biggest market, which is just dumb.

We tried to move this higher because “Soldier Field” is the coolest stadium name in all of sports but, no, you can’t paint a mustache on the Mona Lisa and expect it to be compared to Starry Night. If you gave Chicago the Constitution, they’d probably play a game of tic-tac-toe on it.