



That was the first time I knew that I found her.





She was in one of the old music stores in Brooklyn on a cold Sunday morning. There was a nice beanie on her head, she was wearing a beige winter coat covered in snowflakes. It was the first time I was stunned seeing a woman. There was nothing special about her, but that is what caught my attention. She wasn't trying to be special, but she already is. Strangely, I looked at her from across the rack of CD's that stood between us. Her long dark brown hair laid down up to her back, her wonderful hazelnut brown eyes stared at the discs in front of her. She was scanning the old CD's, most of them were albums of Oasis. On her hand, there was an album of Snow Patrol. I didn't realize I was staring at her for too long, until she was gone out of my sight. I looked for her around the store, and she was already paying for the CDs that she got. I stood there stupidly as I looked at her. She took her CDs and was about to leave, but she slowly turned around at me and gave me the warmest smile. I just cursed.





How can a girl be that amazing without even trying?





And you want to know the funny part? She's been my best friend for years.





“What?” she asked me as a laugh escaped from her lips. “Are you just gonna stand there?”





I sighed deeply before I walked towards her as I flashed out an irritated face. “Why do you have to buy CDs like every single week? It's already the twenty-first century, Karla. Haven't heard about music downloading? Just tell me the songs and I will download them for you.”





“You're missing the point, Dennis,” she answered as we walked outside the music store, the cold snowflakes slowly fell down on us. “It feels different to have the actual disc with you, it creates this rare connection between you and the song. As if it was an actual part of your being. It's not just something tangible… it's something you know would last for a lifetime.”





I yawned as I stretched my arms upwards. “They can still be a part of you even if they were stuck in your phone. They are still the same songs those artists made. I see no difference.”





“I like them better in this form,” she said. “It feels like the songs have their physical form.”





I pulled my brown winter jacket as the cold wind passed through us. “Well, there are some things that doesn't need a physical form anymore. There are some things that could not be touched but you can feel it within you. And, isn't that what's important? That even if there is no actual thing, even if there wasn't a physical form that you can hold or touch, but that one moment that you felt it within you, you'll know it was there. It exists. And the same as music, love doesn't have a physical form. Not even words are enough to prove its existence but the moment you felt it within you, even without any word said nor promises made, you know it was there. And that's the kind of love most people should have. A love like music.”





“Since when did you learn how to become deep?” she asked teasingly. “That's unlike you.”





I looked at her with a smirk on my lips. “Why? Was I too deep that you're starting to fall?”





“Why? Do you think you had to be deep just to be able to make me fall?” she simply asked.





And as I was glancing at her while we walked, a thought suddenly appeared into my mind.





‘I just found the perfect melody for my music.’





We walked until we were already on the Brooklyn Bridge—the boundary between Brooklyn and the famous New York City. It was already a few minutes past sunrise, and the blazing sun was already over the horizon. We didn't bring a bicycle since the snowy weather might give us injuries rather than a nice morning stroll. With the ten-inch thick snow greeting us on the road, I don't think it was the right day to go around in bicycles. As we walked, there were a lot of people passing by as well. Most of them were parents walking with their kids as if it was some sort of family day. Well, it was a weekend after all. Boats and yachts have been parked around the harbor, a group of children ran around the riverside. You could see the high-rising buildings of Wall Street welcoming you at the other end of the bridge. This was the kind of sight that you would want to see every day. I can hear the usual noise over Chinatown the shouting Chinese who were selling their delicious cuisine. You can even get to smell the freshly-made dumplings that they serve. And this girl with me? She suddenly stopped walking when she saw Lady Liberty from a distance. She just stared at it as a smile appeared on her lips. She lived here most of her life but the way she acts right now, it was like it was the first time she saw it. And I couldn't help not to remember the smile she had.





“It's rude to stare,” she said as she tried to divert my gaze. “Did you not know about that?”





I grinned. “You look like it's your first time seeing that. And you pass by here every week.”





“There are some things in this world that no matter how many times you've seen it, you'll always look at it as if it was your first time,” she muttered as she stared at the statue again.





And she was right, because every time I would look at her, it feels like it was the first time.





I have no idea how all of this started. Me liking her, that was the last thing I could imagine doing. We were friends since childhood, she was the person I would tease every single day about how her cheeks were too chubby or how she was quite weird in some ways. But it has never crossed my mind, not even for once that there will come a day wherein she would be the only thing that I can think of. I wasn't good with words, but just by being beside her, it makes me think of every wonderful word that could describe how perfect she is. There had been days wherein she was the only one I had left. Those days where everyone had left but she chose to stay. And I couldn't be grateful enough that she came into my life. There were times where I would just look at her as she scribble something on her notebook, and a soft smile would escape my lips. She wasn't perfect, she didn't try to be one. But her flaws, they are the reason I couldn't help myself not to like her. She was using her imperfections to be what she wants to be. And it was rare to see a woman who knows what she wants and what she is. She wasn't the gorgeous lady you would dream to date on prom, but she was the girl you would dream to be with until time itself gets old. She was something so different. And it was my kind of the different— the kind of different that you would never get over with.





We headed to a coffee shop in downtown Manhattan, it was her favorite place. Besides the ice cream factory near the Brooklyn Bridge, and those donut shops along the way, this was the place that she would love to go every day. She has a knitted bag that she always brings with her, and inside those are all the things that would make her last the day. Her favorite black notebook, some silver-inked pens, a few books and her phone which I don't think has any songs in it. She sat down in front of me with a cup of hot cappuccino on her hands and an ice-cold latté which I bet she already ordered for me. She knew I didn't like hot coffees, and she finds it weird. She started sipping hers, and I just stared at her like she was a weird kind of specie. She didn't care about anything else, all that matters to her right now is that cappuccino in front of her. More cold snowflakes fell on the ground as I looked outside the glass window. Everything seemed to be perfect, and it was something that rarely happens.





“Why do you love drinking cold coffees during winter?” she asked curiously as she sipped her cappuccino. Her favorite black notebook was in front of her with some drawings on the pages. “It's no more than six degrees outside. Aren't you satisfied of the cold weather yet?”





I just shrugged. “Well, they taste good to me, so I don't really see any problem with that.”





“Hey, I just realized,” she said as she looked at me with her hazelnut brown eyes. “We have been best friends for years but you haven't dated anyone yet. I mean, all those years you're just isolating yourself away from people. I mean, there are girls who are drooling over you yet you chose to be stuck with me. Well, you're a certified introvert, so that's pretty normal to you, but don't you wanna go out, explore and interact with other people for a change?”





I breathed heavily as I stared into her eyes. “You know human interaction is not really my thing. The fact that I go out with you every week to that old music store is already enough torture for me, so no need to add more humans that I need to interact with. And to remind you, I tried dating once. We hung out for a few weeks, went out to dates from time to time, watched movies and all. It just didn't work out because I knew she was not what I wanted.”





“Why? Who's the unlucky girl?” she asked before she sipped more of her coffee. “Whoever she may be, she's in bad luck because she has to put up with a guy who doesn't like dealing with people, doesn't even talk much, not a gentleman and is an asshole most of the time.”





I nodded before I sipped my coffee. “Well, I wouldn't force her to put up with me anyway.”





“What?” she immediately asked as she looked at me with confusion. “Don't you like her?”





I looked into her eyes as strands of her hair fell down on her face. “Well, that's exactly why I wouldn't force her to put up with me. I like her too much that I just want her to be happy, it sounds crazy but her happiness matters to me more than mine. Whatever she will choose may I be a part of it or not, I'll just be happy for her. Love doesn't need to be forced. That's the biggest mistake most of us think as normal. We tend to force people to give back what we give. I don't think that's what you call love. Because love itself has its own choices, has its own decisions that we have to respect. And if you can't respect that, I guess you'll never know what love really is. Until you haven't loved a person to the point of putting your own happiness aside just for that person, you haven't really loved someone. Love would require the kind of sacrifice wherein you have to learn how to be happy even if it kills you inside.”





“That… was absolutely deep,” she said as she slowly clapped her hands with amusement.





I sipped my coffee before I glared at her. “Funny, Karla. Funny. Was that your best shot?”





As we were drinking our warm coffees, a familiar tune suddenly played in the background.





“Dennis, isn't that your favorite song?” she asked as she looked at me with a teasing smile.





“Yeah, that's my song for you.”





Her face suddenly looked up at me when she heard what I said. “Wait— what did you say?”





“Do I really have to repeat it?” I asked. “I know you already heard me the first time, Karla.”





She took a tissue and wiped her mouth before she looked at me with confusion. “I thought you didn't like Snow Patrol. You told me you're not really into their kind of music, right?”





“Some things change over time. Things aren't usually what we want them to be, and those we thought we wanted aren't really what we wanted. Things were never constant, even the concept of time isn't,” I said before I emptied my cup. “So yeah, we have to get used to it. ”





A sudden silence reigned between the two of us as the snowflakes fell on the cold ground.





“I'm leaving next week,” she said with a sad smile on her face. “You know… college and all that. They said it would be best if I stay in California for a while. They think San Francisco is a good place for a start. You know them, they wanted me to be the girl of their dreams.”





I shrugged. “If that's the best for you, why don't you try it? San Francisco is a nice place. It will help you create new memories, the people are nice too. There's no harm in trying. And aren't you tired being in New York? The noise, the food, the people. You should go and try to explore the outside world sometimes. Just send me some pictures when you get there...”





“You're not going to be mad if I leave?” she queried. “I don't know how long I'll be there…”





I shook my head as I sighed deeply. “No. I'm your best friend, not your boyfriend. As long as I can see a smile on your face, I'm good. Whatever makes you happy, I'll just go with it.”





And I regret not telling her that she was the only person who could ever make me happy.





It's been days since she left. I didn't walk her to the aiport because I might just stop her at that very moment. We were good, at least that's all I can say. She sent me pictures of those places there, and she seemed to be enjoying it. I'd always play Chasing Cars every time I'll miss her. I don't know when she'd come back, but all I knew was I was willing to wait. She's everything I ever dreamed of, she was the person I wanted to be with. I'd write song lyrics for her, mixing it up with some tunes and all that. Every morning I'd somehow pass by that music store, playing the songs that she used to play when she was here. I miss her badly. It may sound insane but I've been thinking about her every minute of every day. I miss those times that I drank coffee with her and how we would go watch the stars every single night.





Years and seasons have passed by like seconds and minutes, and she still didn't come back.





Until one day, I saw her again. And to be honest, it always feels like it was the first time.





She was in that same old music store in Brooklyn on a cold Thursday morning. There was a nice beanie on her head, she was wearing a black winter coat covered in snowflakes. It was the first time I was stunned seeing a woman. There was nothing special about her, but that is what caught my attention. She wasn't trying to be special, but she already is. Strangely, I looked at her from across the rack of CD's that stood between us. Her long dark brown hair laid down up to her back, her wonderful hazelnut brown eyes stared at the discs in front of her. She was scanning the old CD's, were albums of that band, Coldplay. On her hand, there was an album of Snow Patrol. I didn't realize I was staring at her for too long, until she was gone out of my sight. I looked for her around the store, and she was already paying for the CDs that she got. I stood there stupidly as I looked at her. She took her CDs and was about to leave, but she slowly turned around at me and gave me the warmest smile. I just cursed.





“What?” she asked me as a laugh escaped from her lips. “Are you just gonna stand there?”





I immediately walked toward her, and I wasn't thinking of anything else but the two of us.





And all of a sudden, I felt our trembling yet warm lips met.





It was the sweetest thing I've ever tasted. Everything was simply magical. She was magical.





“I-I missed you, too,” she whispered as her lips trembled while she simply gasped for air.





I smiled as I pulled back a few strands of her hair. “I thought you won't come back again.”





“I will always come back to you no matter what,” she said as her fingers slowly intertwined with mine. “So what do you wanna do? You wanna lie with me and just forget the world?”





And as our freezing pale hands intertwined, I knew that I was never letting this woman go.







