PHILADELPHIA—Repeatedly chastising himself for making such a foolish decision, area man Anthony Vasquez reportedly spent all day Friday dreading the fun activity he had signed up for. “Goddamn it, I’ve only got two hours left before I have to go out and do this stupid thing,” Vasquez said of the enjoyable leisure activity that he had voluntarily paid $70 for, told multiple friends about, and has been looking forward to for the past three weeks. “What the hell was I thinking? I have to take the train all the way downtown, stand in line, and then probably talk to people afterwards. Maybe it’ll get canceled at the last minute or something.” At press time, a reluctant Vasquez had grudgingly left his apartment, taking small comfort in knowing the fun activity would at least soon be over.

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