(Note: It takes me ten minutes to determine the caller is actually on a Mac running a Windows emulation program.)

Me: “Does your mouse have one big button?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “So, you are on a Mac? This game is not supported on a Mac. I can’t help you. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t. I am running Windows 98.”

Me: “Look at the side of the computer. Is there a big apple logo on it?”

Customer: “Of course there is. It’s an Apple computer.”

Me: “Which means it’s MacOS. This game does not run on that OS.”

Customer: “But I am in Windows mode.”

Me: “Are you using SoftWindows to emulate a Windows 98 OS?”

Customer: “Yes?”

Me: “We don’t support our titles on that.”

Customer: “What if I tried changing the drivers?”

Me: “No, that wouldn’t work, sir.”

Customer: “What if I tried changing other settings?”

Me: “I’m afraid not. Sir, if you want me to help get it working the system it was designed for I would be happy to do that but I can’t help with emulated Window OS’s on a Mac.”

Customer: “What if I tried it on my games console?”

Me: “The Windows version of this game won’t work on a… Hang on. Take the disk out of the drive and tell me what color the bottom of it is.”

Customer: “Black.”

Me: “This is the console version of the game. Did you try it on your console?”

Customer: “Yes. I worked fine there.”

Me: “So, why are you trying to run a console game on a Macintosh with an emulated version of Windows on it?”

Customer: “I thought it would run faster?”

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