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"I lost myself in Manchester. That was the real heart of the matter. It took me a few years to realise that. During my time in Manchester I blamed everybody: Van Gaal, Mourinho, I felt like the whole world was against me. But I didn’t blame myself. That’s not how it works in life."

A lot has changed for Memphis Depay since his troubled spell at Manchester United.

The Dutch international arrived at Old Trafford on the back of a sensational season in the Dutch first division and hopes were high of him to restore the stardust to a stagnant United side. However, despite so much promise the charismatic winger was unable to reach the levels which he knew he was capable of.

For the 25-year-old it marks a troubled period in his playing career, but the wider context of life has allowed him to reflect on the spell at United as a learning curve rather than a disaster. Having experienced an extremely violent childhood in which he was bullied severely, Memphis has only recently found a way in which to open up on the trauma in his life, and considering all he has been through his time in England has given him greater perspective on life.

Reflecting on his time in the Premier League Memphis insists he holds no grudge against United, but admits he was left feeling 'confused' by the way in which he was never gave him the freedom to unleash his raw talent.

"It was very frustrating I didn’t reach my usual level," Memphis said when reflecting on United his new book Heart of a Lion.

"The adaption took more time than I thought and soon I had problems with the defensive way of playing. My freedom on the pitch was limited. Doing that means you limit my main qualities. At PSV I had the freedom to search for the offensive spaces and follow my instincts.

"At United I got confused. I had to follow the tactical orders of Van Gaal, otherwise I would certainly lose my spot in the team. Van Gaal doesn’t like players who don’t follow up on his comments. Meanwhile I knew I couldn’t get the best out of my play this way: staying on the left side of the field, running back and forth. I didn’t understand: you buy me because of my specific qualities you saw at PSV and the Dutch national team. After that you put me in a role where I can’t play that way anymore. For me that was confusing."

Looking back Memphis acknowledges Van Gaal had reason to drop him for inconsistent performances, but it was under Jose Mourinho his love for the game began to fade. The former PSV man believes his game improved in training under the Portuguese, but when he failed to be given a chance in the first-team he fell out of love with the dream job he had longed for as a child.

Memphis says Paul Pogba, Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Michael Carrick all questioned why the Dutch winger had not been given the opportunity to showcase his talents under Mourinho, and when he realised his chances were up he knew it was time to move on.

"During that time I lost it. After training I went home and didn’t want to see anybody. That was mentally a very bad period. And it got worse every day. Looking from the outside I had a good life: being a part of one of the biggest clubs in the world, living in a beautiful home with a swimming pool, together with my best friend Gigi (Vitale), driving in a Rolls Royce. But I was totally unhappy with my life. For the first time I lost the joy in playing football. The most beautiful thing in my whole life, football, gave me a very sad feeling. The frustration grew by the day and I didn’t know how to change that."

Despite the failure to light up English football in the way which he desired Memphis acknowledges he is still to be blamed for the spell at United. However, he thinks his rejuvenation in France has been helped by a new found outlook in life, and by actively interacting with religion.

"Now I know what the real problem was: not only I lost myself, I also neglected my belief in God. That was the real reason why I felt so alone in Manchester. You won’t make it when you have to deal with your problems on your own.

"My performances at United where not even close to what I am capable of. I was looking for excuses to justify the failure. I hid myself behind the fact that it was my first adventure abroad, that I had to adapt to the high level of the Premier League. But even then I have the qualities to perform better than I did. So when you look beyond my excuses, only one conclusion is left over: I lost myself and I lost God. So there is only one person to blame: that’s me and nobody else."

Heart of a Lion is now available to buy in Dutch. Plans are under way to release the book in English.