PORTLAND, OR—While perusing the potential partners she was assigned by the dating website’s algorithm Thursday, Match.com member Christine Arlington reportedly weighed the bleak, barren tundra of isolation extending endlessly before her against going on a date with Mike4763. “I can’t say our taste in movies or books matches up that well, but it looks like he has an okay job and he says he likes traveling,” said Arlington as she cycled through the man’s four profile pictures, considering the prospect of meeting the self-described “laid-back guy” for dinner against the awaiting infinitude of cold emptiness from which there could be no escape. “He likes the outdoors, too. He seems nice.” At press time, Arlington was pausing to rethink whether she should click on the site’s “Wink” feature or eventually be interred unloved and unmourned in the frozen, gray earth.

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