Tom Hooper’s 160-minute adaptation of Les Misérables, aka the Olympics of Piss-Holding, is a “sung-through” musical, meaning there’s no spoken dialog, only singing. In keeping with the style of the film, I decided to format my review to the tune of “All Star,” by San Jose’s finest sun-pop four piece, Smash Mouth. Enjoy.

(*clears throat, tunes guitar*) (*feedback noise*)

Sooome BODY once TOLD me, the SOOONGS were gonna BORE me, I AIN’T a cultured DUDE just a GUUUUUEST…

Anne was LOOKin kinda GLUM with her HAAAAIR up in a BUN, and some DIRT on her FACE, yeah she’s POOR, now… (*DJ scratching*)

Well, the songs start comin’ and they don’t stop comin, BLADDER ’bout to burst gonna piss my pants HONEY

Diggin’ that plot about RE-DEMPT-TION, their WIGS get gross and your HEART gets CHuUUuBBED..

So much to SEE, still have to PEE, but ValJEAN’s about to sing a soLILoquoy

He NEVER knew how much he’d GROW

From a NICE priest bein’ a BRO

HEY now, you’re a convict, get your ‘scape on, get SAAAAVED

HEY now, Hugh’s a mayor now, life’s unfair now, adopt, BAAAABES

Eight-teen years LATER we’re TOO-ooold,

All this time PASSIN, yet Hugh don’t look OOOO-oooo-OOOOOLD…