I wrote this story a few years ago and thought I'd publish it here. Please review! If you like this, check out my other parody titled "Promiscuous Hat". Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K Rowling. I make no money through the writing of this story.

Part one: the Agony

No one knew how it had happened. Ron had just gotten carried away. Yet the bleakness and desolation would not leave. He couldn't stop thinking about her; the connection they had shared, the comfort their short-lived romance had brought him…

He sighed as tears of longing flooded down his cheeks. He wiped them away, his eyes not leaving the empty bird cage which stood before him.

It had happened all at once. Harry had sent him upstairs to feed Hedwig while he went out to play Quidditch with Ginny. Ron could still remember how betrayed he had felt when the boy he was in love with had begun dating his own sister. But it was nowhere as painful as this.

He had been in tears, Ron remembered vividly, as he climbed up the narrow staircase. He sat next to the owl as he peered through the window, his lover and his sister kissing in plain view. Forcing himself to shut the drapes, Ron turned to Hedwig and stroked her lightly. He kept stroking her as she softly began nibbling her food from his fingers. Ron had never noticed how beautiful the bird was, her majestic feathers shimmering innocently in the sun rays that were pouring through the drapes.

Ron buried his face in her feathers, kissing her gently. Hedwig had finished her dinner and had turned her attention to pecking a dead mouse in her cage. She turned away from Ron, her little ass taunting him with each step she took. Ron couldn't take it any longer. He plunged his fingers into her tight asshole. Hedwig screeched immediately, but Ron kept going. He pulled out his fingers a moment later and licked off the owl feces. He felt a rush of excitement, as he opened the owl cage and picked her up.

Ron slid his tongue down her tender body, licking her soft feathers with passion. She tasted of dead rodents. This aroused Ron even more, as he remembered the intimate moments he had shared with his pet rat Scabbers, before he too had betrayed Ron. They had all left him. But Hedwig was different, she would not leave.

Ron unzipped his trousers. He pulled down his underwear, exposing his 4-inch penis hanging under his fire crotch. He placed the owl near his penis, and she pecked at it impulsively. Ron felt shivers go up his spine as he closed his eyes and moaned. The owl continued nibbling, each peck stinging him furiously. Little specks of blood began to emerge through his pubic hair. Ron could feel himself growing harder and harder.

Ron rustled Hedwig's shining feathers as the blood ran down his legs. "You've done this before, haven't you?" he whispered, giving her ass a little spank. The owl only screeched.

But this was where it had all gone wrong, Ron remembered in shame. He remembered it was at that moment Hermione had appeared to walk in the room, while Hedwig was buried in his crotch. He had heard her footsteps, heard her calling him down for dinner, but he hadn't been quick enough. The expression on her face upon opening the door would remain etched in his mind forever.

"Ron – what the bloody hell are you doing??" She had exclaimed with a gasp.

Frantically, Ron had tried to zip up his pants. "Uh – nothing," he assured her as he tried to yank up that damn zipper with Hedwig still nibbling at his cock. He gave it a hard pull, but the owl's beak was caught in his nest of red pubic hair. Hermione only stood there, unable to recover from her shock from what she was seeing.

With a mighty tug, Ron finally managed to pull up his zipper. Evidently he had been unable to pry the owl's beak out of his crotch, as it was still attached to the zipper. Hedwig shrieked in horror as blood began pouring over the floor, which was already hidden beneath a layer of owl feathers and Ron's pubes.

"See, nothing's going on," Ron said calmly, ignoring the racket Hedwig was now making.

He picked the beak out of his zipper and casually threw it aside. "Just giving Hedwig her dinner. I guess she just got a little excited…"

But Hermione's jaws were still open, her eyes wide with shock. "I see no need to mention this to Harry," he added.