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Tonight The Book of Mormon, the wildly acclaimed Broadway musical from South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone, has its first performance in London. This opening might seem less contentious than the show’s Broadway premiere in 2011. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, to give it its full title, is hugely influential in the US — where it almost won the Presidency, remember — and in Mexico and South America. But of the 13,824,854 members worldwide claimed by the church in 2010 — quite an increase from the original six believers recruited by founder Joseph Smith, and considerably more than the five million members who critics claim are active believers — only 188,000 lived in the UK. Oh, plus four in the Falkland Islands.

Yet Mormonism has a history dating back to 1837 in London and has made its architectural mark on the capital (check out the Temple located, wittily, opposite the Science Museum). The 2,000 adherents who live in the capital are passionate in defence of their Mormonism, as I discovered when I wrote about them after Mitt Romney failed to become President. And it’s true that the church’s beliefs are shrouded in myth and misunderstanding (like just about every religion, then). The 13 points below should enable you to work out how Mormon you are.

1. You believe in a teenager who heard voices

In 1820, farmer’s son and treasure-hunter Joseph Smith Jr, then 15, was visited by God and Jesus who told him to restore Christ’s Church to its original values. Later, an angel called Moroni directed him to the location of buried golden plates which told a Judeo-Christian history of early American civilisations contemporaneous to the Bible. Aged 24, in 1830, Smith published these texts as the Book of Mormon, founding The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in New York City.

2. You believe you are an underdog

The church grew rapidly but its promotion of plural marriage and (according to Mormons) its disapproval of slavery led to persecution. Smith was arrested 30 times but never convicted, and the Mormons were driven from Ohio to Missouri to Illinois, where Smith and his brother Hyrum were killed in jail by a mob in 1844. Smith’s successor Brigham Young moved the Mormons east in 1847 in emulation of the Jews’ search for the Promised Land: they settled on the Salt Lake Plain and were later given Utah by the US government.

3. You believe in God’s mouthpiece on earth

The president of the LDS Church is considered a living prophet whose pronouncements on religion are gospel.

4. You believe America is the promised land and God is happily married and quite a nice chap

Mormons believe in the salvation of humanity through Christ’s sacrifice on the cross, and that after the Second Coming Jesus will split his ministry between Jerusalem and Missouri. The Church believes God has a physical body and a wife (the Holy Mother). It does not preach Original Sin: rather, all humans enjoy a pre-physical life as “spirit children” before their “testing” time on earth and eventual ascent to heaven. Mormon hell is for most non-believers or sinners a state of anguish and guilt, with only the truly wicked consigned to “outer darkness”.

5. You have conservative values and you definitely absolutely DO NOT believe in polygamy

Mormons frown on stimulants, pre-marital sex, homosexuality and abortion. Plural marriage — polygamy — was abandoned in 1890 and the mainstream church now excommunicates the handful of Mormon fundamentalists who still stubbornly practise it.

6. You see dead people (as converts)

Mormons believe in the “proxy baptism” of non-Mormons into the faith after death. Mitt Romney had his wife Ann’s atheist father posthumously baptised.

7. You believe that only someone with a penis can be a priest

The church does not have a professional clergy but young men and new converts are enrolled in the Aaronic priesthood, a preparatory process of learning that may result in them graduating to the Melchizedek priesthood and rising through the ranks. Women cannot become priests.

8. You are generous with your time (and money)

Mormons are expected to tithe a 10th of their income to the church (in the mid-1990s the church disputed claims that it had at least $30 billion in assets). Young Mormons are encouraged to do two years of missionary work: the church claims it fields the largest volunteer missionary force in the world, of which 15 per cent is female.

9. You’re not prejudiced any more, honest

It was only in 1978 that African-American men were decreed eligible for the Mormon priesthood (ie, fit to join the church). In 1995, the church agreed to halt the posthumous proxy baptism — ie, enforced conversion — of Holocaust victims and other deceased Jews unless it was requested by a family member. Allegations of misogyny are even harder to shake. One organisation of ex-Mormons regards the church as a dangerous cult that exists to promote the interests of white male true believers through the subjugation of women and the brainwashing of acolytes, and with disregard or contempt for the wider population.

10. You can pray anywhere (but you like to dress up)

Although regular worship is conducted in ordinary buildings open to all, Mormon Temples are barred to non-Mormons (and inside them the devout are supposed to wear “temple garments” or “magic underwear”).

11. You are a nicely turned out clean-limbed, individual with a brilliant smile

Before Mitt Romney hit the international stage, the most famous Mormons in the world were undoubtedly the perma-grinning, ultra- wholesome Osmonds. The poster image for The Book of Mormon features the uniform of a Mormon missionary or evangelist: smart black trousers, crisp short-sleeved shirt, sober tie, shiny shoes, shinier smile.

12. But you don’t shout about it…

Well-known past or present Mormons include actors Aaron Eckhart and Katherine Heigl, Killers frontman Brandon Flowers, and Twilight author Stephenie Meyer, whose books are thought covertly to promote the church’s belief in sexual abstinence. In the mid-Nineties the Mormon playwright and film director Neil LaBute was threatened with being “disfellowshipped” (a step below excommunication) for plays such as Bash, which featured vicious Mormon characters: he has since left the church. Some websites claim that Butch Cassidy and serial killer Ted Bundy were Mormons. The Marriott hotel chain is Mormon-owned.

13. You have a sense of humour

There is a Mormon cottage film industry, dubbed “Mollywood”, and even a Mormon stand-up compilation called “Latter-Day Night Live”. The 2004 comedy Napoleon Dynamite is sometimes cited as a mainstream film broadly sympathetic to Mormonism. Some believers have even found little to offend them in Matt Parker and Trey Stone’s musical. Further proof of a Mormon sense of humour lies in Henry Hathaway’s soupy 1940 film Brigham Young, in which Joseph Smith was played by… Vincent Price.

If you answered ‘yes’ to:

Two or fewer, you are almost certainly not a Mormon.

Two to five, you may have Mormonic tendencies.

Six to nine, you may be an Osmond.

Ten to 12, you may be a Marriott.

All 13, you are Mitt Romney.