Nigel Farage opens EU Brexit negotiations with ‘F*ck you I won and you’re all losers’

In a statesmanlike performance at the European Parliament, MEP Nigel Farage has told the people with whom we will have to negotiate our EU exit, to ‘kiss my sweaty ballsack’.

Farage addressed fellow MEPs and the European Commission members and wasted no time in explaining that he is the best and everyone else there is an arse.

He said, “I told you, I told you I was the best. And look at me now, stood here smiling at all you losers, sitting there losing like the losers you are,”

Farage then made an ‘L’ on his forehead with his right thumb and index finger before turning to face all four corners of the room.

He went on, “You’re all pathetic examples of human excrement, not fit to lace the shoes of the incredible Nigel Farage – yes, that’s right, Nigel Farage has started referring to himself in the first person, because that’s what winners do.”

When challenged by reporters that taking such an adversarial stance was probably not that wise given the UK will have to negotiate a series of complex trade deals with this organisation in the not too distant future, Farage was dismissive.

He explained, “Yes, negotiations are important – but not as important as me showing off.

“That is absolutely critical at this juncture. I must have the opportunity to gloat and rub my opponents noses in it – this is how British gentlemen behave, obviously.

“Also, it’s right out of Chapter One of my new book – Negotiating with Nigel – that at the first opportunity you get, make sure you insult your opposite number to put them on the back foot and to reinforce your position of dominance.

“Because when the negotiations get to a tricky part, you know they’ll remember that you’re so much better than them and give you precisely the deal that you want.

“I am a genius, shut up yes I am.”