BOOZE cruises from Scotland to England will fail because none of the alcohol will make it home, Scots have admitted.

Scotland’s minimum alcohol price means that, in theory, Scots could save money by travelling south, buying drink cheaply and taking it back home, were this not entirely contrary to the Scottish character.

Bill McKay, from Glasgow, said: “I could save thousands a year by getting my tins in England, but England is no place to be sober.

“You have to be pished to put up with the arrogance, the accents and the possibility of bumping into Nigel Farage.

“Only a Caledonian Odysseus could battle through the hordes of Brexiters on one side and posh Tory twats on the other, all the while ignoring the siren call of the crate of Famous Grouse in the boot.

“But it’d still be worth it to go down there, get absolutely reekin’ and show my arse to some poncey wee fucker.”