The Cochran Clones

Ranking Modern Survivor’s Quirky Nerds

It’s no secret that Survivor has long since tapped into the well of “nerdy and quirky” characters. You might say that production realized the powers of such a character, when they are compelling, when they built Survivor: The Amazon around Rob Cesternino. Some of those characters have flopped, like Survivor: Pearl Islands’ Skinny Ryan and some even went the distance, like Todd Herzog in Survivor: China.

Despite always having a penchant for casting the nerdy super fan, it’s hard to debate that the show really started finding players like this in the post-John Cochran era of Survivor. His popularity post-Survivor: South Pacific was the impetus for Jeff Probst and crew to try and find their next Cochran. His win in Survivor: Caramoan only reinforced that need. If Aristotle is the father of Biology, consider Cochran the father of nerds on Survivor.

Long-time readers (all three of you) may remember that a while back, I compiled an exhaustive list of athletes on Survivor and their performances. I’ll do you one better this time. Let’s rank the Cochran inspired cast decisions from South Pacific and on, and while we’re at it, we’ll include the man himself in the rankings to see where he stands. To be clear, this is a ranking based on my enjoyment of the characters and their content, not their gameplay.

Consider that these are my opinions only but that if you disagree with me, you also happen to be objectively wrong. If you feel like I left out somebody or included people who shouldn’t have been, you can message a complaint to your own e-mail address or twitter account.

Tier F: Actively Terrible (AKA the Colton Cumbie tier)

Colton Cumbie, Survivor: One World & Survivor: Blood vs Water

It can’t be said enough. Colton sucks. He’s offensive and ignorant and on top of that, he’s a massive baby when things don’t go his way. He was a toxic presence on One World and is a very active element for why the season is as bad as it is. Given a second chance to redeem himself, he doubles down on being terrible by being upset no one was talking game on day three (on a winning tribe) and then quit because of it. Apparently, Colton is a decent person outside of the show but Survivor brings out the absolute worst in him.

Still, no one can deny his superfan status. He knows the boot order of every season and clearly understood the strategy behind the show. As a player making moves, he did get a lot of things going his way in One World and participated in the strategy of it all. It doesn’t get him any points but his qualifications are legit.

Tier E: Annoying (AKA the World’s Apart tier)

Max Dawson, Survivor: World’s Apart

Max Dawson taught a university class about the show. Max Dawson knows a lot about Survivor trivia and will gladly tell you about it. Max Dawson is usually busy being either annoying or cringey, often both simultaneously.

The most egregious example of Max inducing cringe is his attempt to homage Malcolm Freberg’s “hold up bro” (which he actually never said), much to Probst and Max’s tribe’s displeasure.

There’s also the Rich Hatch nakedness throwback and his terrible handling of the “immunity clue” twist in the premiere. Any future players reading this: don’t do what Max does.

Shirin Oskoi, Survivor: World’s Apart and Survivor: Cambodia

I completely feel for what Shirin had to deal with in World’s Apart. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Especially because she was going onto a show she loved and dreamt of playing, only to come across some terrible people who said terrible things to her.

All that aside, this is probably unpopular but, Shirin annoys me as a Survivor character. Nobody perfectly vocalizes why she grates on me more than Woo Hwang in Cambodia. Shirin spends little to no time talking to and getting to know Woo. When the time comes and she realizes that her name is on the chopping block, she begs to him for his vote to stay. Woo’s incredulousness at her believing this might work after she spent zero time speaking to him speaks to my soul.

Shirin is one of those fans who see the game purely strategically. It’s very easy to know the correct move in a game where people are just pieces being moved around, it’s a lot harder to navigate it when those pieces have feelings and goals of their own.

Tier D: We Hardly Knew Ye

Roark Luskin, Survivor: Heroes vs Healers vs Hustlers

Honestly, Roark was probably cool and fun, we just never got to see any of it. She was simultaneously blessed and cursed from being on the Healers tribe. Pre-swap, they never lost an immunity challenge which meant safety but also, very little camera time. Post-swap, she was screwed by another person eventually appearing on this list and said person got most of the focus. In the end, Roark ended up being one of those empty blindsides that are supposed to excite us but do very little because we don’t have an emotional connection to the blindside-ee.

While Roark isn’t a super typical quirky type, she is a legitimate superfan. She even had connections to Corinne Kaplan and a certain other person, whom she knew personally by being an intern for her podcast.

Jacob Derwin, Survivor: Ghost Island

In terms of episodes, Jacob didn’t even last as long as Roark but contrary to her, the time Jacob did get on-screen, he made it count. Ghost Island’s premiere was essentially Jacob’s story in two parts, both of which were somehow his downfall. Jacob is a fun type of super fan who has all kinds of ideas and plans to put into motion and ends up finding out that on the island, that shit goes out the window.

There is no doubt that Jacob is quirky and that’s his charm. He transparently tries to bluff that he didn’t get an advantage on Ghost Island, only to be found out immediately. He puts the tribe’s rice in his dirty sock in order to search the rice jar for an idol. He manages to be charmed and tricked by a cute girl. Jacob is the cautionary tale for any Survivor fan going out to play the game but at least he’s a fun one.

Tier C: Very Little Separation in the Middle

Hannah Shapiro, Survivor: Millennials vs Gen X

On a season with a lot of quirky superfans, I rank Hannah the lowest, but that doesn’t mean she’s bad. Quick side note: among the hardcore Survivor fan base, Millennials vs Gen X is a very popular season. I don’t discount that the large number of players who might double as a lot of those fervent web forum fans appearing on the season as a major reason why. It’s basically Survivor: Internet edition.

In a lot of ways, Hannah is meant to be a repeat of another contestant on this list (it’s Aubry Bracco, you all know it is). They are both highly anxious, glasses-wearing nerdy ladies who take their time acclimating to their environments. They both go far, gaining confidence as they go, only to lose because of the social game. The thing is, everything Hannah does in this regard, Aubry does so much better in her own season. Although I will give Hannah props for taking the length of the Titanic movie for casting her first vote.

There are areas where they differ. Hannah is much wackier than Aubry. She outwardly projects a bit more intentional comedy. She also has that weird one-off scene with Ken McNickle that is endlessly entertaining to re-watch. Hannah is fun, she’s just not someone who can carry a season like many of the characters above her.

Zeke Smith, Survivor: Millennials vs Gen X and Survivor: Game Changers

Obviously, Zeke is part of possibly the most noteworthy moment in modern Survivor history. The way he handled being outed on national television was nothing short of exemplary. For a character whose natural personality is zany and light, this was a heavy moment that he had to face.

Outside of that dark moment, I see Zeke as a more fun Shirin. Like her, Zeke mostly sees Survivor through a lens of strategy. He speaks using a lot of game terminology and refers to his alliance members as chess pieces. Zeke takes big swings in the game and even if they sometimes work, they end up biting him down the line.

Without him, we wouldn’t have our earliest rock draw of (American) Survivor history. He gives good confessionals even if he has a lot of repeating content. His relationship with Bret LaBelle is both fun and heart-warming. So too is his random bond with Chris Hammons through Sooners football, a relationship that would not have been thought of before the game.

Ryan Ulrich, Survivor: Heroes vs Healers vs Hustlers

He’s gotten a lot of heat from certain online Survivor communities but I’ve always been a big fan of Ryan. Much of the HHH pre-merge was told through his commentary. That is probably partly the reason a lot of people ended up turning on him. I feel as though Ryan does a very good job in narrating and not falling into being a gamebot.

What Ryan brings to his archetype that isn’t always the case is an underlying self-assuredness. Many of the nerdy superfans are jittery and unconfident, not Ryan. Every time he talks to his tribe or about the game, he speaks with conviction. Where a lot of his type become early targets for being expendable to the tribe, not once did Ryan’s name come up in the early game. In fact, people go to home to decide who should go home, a position the nerds don’t often find themselves in on day three.

Eventually, his game kind of falls by the wayside when he haphazardly and essentially unintentionally betrays Devon Pinto. That is also part of the fun with Ryan. The nerdy superfan is ultimately outplayed by the surfer bro who manages to completely shatter Ryan’s alliance. While Ryan gets further than Devon, he does so as the goat becoming the bizzaro version of Caramoan Cochran.

Spencer Bledsoe, Survivor: Cagayan and Survivor: Cambodia

Like Zeke, Spencer is somewhat of a lightning rod. Few fall in the middle with him, he’s either loved or hated. The fun with Spencer is that he is one of the few players we get to see in almost every situation. He’s been an underdog, he’s been in the majority, and he’s been everywhere in between. It really tests the theory about cheering for the person or the position of said person.

Any member of Luzon is going to immediately be entertaining. That tribe was such a train wreck in unimaginable ways. Spencer, Kass, and Tasha all proved to have their strengths in challenges later, so how was that tribe so bad at Survivor? Top that off with the relationship he shares with Kass and that’s a good recipe.

It’s debatable whether Spencer is right, or even the good guy, in Cagayan. He just happens to fit the underdog role the editors need better than the obvious villain, Kass. That said, their dynamic is absolutely enthralling and a major reason for why the season is as good as it is. Spencer’s repeated outrage and anger over the game that is unfolding outside of his control never stops being funny; especially because he believes to know better.

Coming back for a second season is always a risky proposition for a character who ended up being fun originally. The second time around, Spencer finds himself in a power position after some initial floundering early on. Once he feels that power, he grabs on for dear life, hoping to never let go. The fun part of Spencer 2.0 is his insistence that this time, he’s putting in the work to make bonds with people, when we don’t really see too much of that going on. There is always a dichotomy between the game Spencer is seeing in front of him and the way it is actually unfolding.

It needs to be said that Spencer is heavy on the game narration. He’s also very repetitive in his confessionals in both seasons. That can really grate on a person, especially during subsequent re-watches.

Tier B: Old Cochran

David Wright, Survivor: Millennials vs Gen X

He’s a fish out of water. Never spent a day outdoors in his life. He’s a writer. Socially, he’s awkward when interacting with others but has a high degree of intellect. He seems like a liability at first but ends up proving both to himself and others, his worth in the end. Only this time, he’s in his 40s!

Look, there are plenty of things that differentiate Cochran and David but you have to agree that on a base level, they have the same storyline. Watching David almost self-destruct during the first three days was a very painful experience. Almost as bad as Cochran’s first tribal council.

The beauty of David’s arc is that everything that happens is self-contained within one season. To truly appreciate the Cochran journey, you have to watch two seasons’ worth of him. David’s rise in confidence and eventual seizing of power all happens within a few episodes of Millennials vs Gen X. After he plays that idol for Jessica Lewis, he becomes a new entity, a war general that has loyal troupes at his behest. When you have people going to rocks for you, you’re doing something right.

There’s also the bond between Ken and David. At first glance, they couldn’t be further apart from each other but David quickly realizes that Ken is more than skin-deep and that internally, they think very similarly. The build up to Ken eventually turning the knife towards his best buddy who also got him far into the game is a great pay off.

At points, the edit goes a little too far to highlight David’s self-change. The moment in the immunity challenge where he has a meltdown and the tribe wills him to keep going is nice, but extremely melodramatic. Doubly so with Probst yammering about it and the score thrown in behind it. It doesn’t take away from the fact that, generally speaking, David was fun to watch and did have a legitimate transformation while playing the game.

Tier A: The Trifecta

Adam Klein, Survivor: Millennials vs Gen X

On a normal season, Adam would 100% be a total gamebot. A lot of his content is game-related and he gets so many confessionals about the strategy of it all. On his own season, Adam’s unique storyline made him so much more.

It’s not a story you would want to be telling. Playing Survivor as your mother battles against a cancer that would ultimately take her life. Adam’s pain and fear of not knowing how she is doing is palpable and real. The visceral emotions he feels when he gets to spend time with his brother and get some information is beautiful. The bond that he shares with Jay Starrett, the only player who knows the full story despite being Adam’s rival, is heart-warming. The story of Adam coming home, telling his mom he won it all, and her passing shortly thereafter is tear-inducing.

What makes Adam special is his willingness to let it all out. He’s an emotional person and he doesn’t make excuses for it. The flip side to that is that Adam is also a gamer. He loves the show and loves that he’s playing Survivor. He does everything with so much energy, be it finding an idol or yelling his confessionals at us.

As the season comes down to David and Adam, the fight over power is great to watch. They both try to get Hannah in their corner. Adam works his tail off trying to find idols to keep surviving. Every time he takes a shot at David, David parries it and vice versa. It’s two quirky, nerdy guys fighting for a title they both badly want to take home.

John Cochran, Survivor: South Pacific and Survivor: Caramoan

It’s very Cochran of Cochran to finish second in a list of best Cochran-like players on Survivor. I’ve already spent an entire article’s time defending Caramoan’s honor which in turn, means defending Cochran. I don’t want to waste my time repeating my takes here. What I will focus on is the OG, Cochran 1.0.

Knowing how it all plays out, it’s easy to forget how Cochran 1.0 started out. In terms of non-first boots, it’s hard to imagine someone playing out a worst beginning. He awkwardly outs himself as this huge superfan and requests Probst to refer to him by his last name. He is obviously on the outside looking in on his tribe of alphas. He has apparently no social skills whatsoever. His only saving grace is that Ozzy Lusth got a little too close to a cute woman for his alpha bros’ liking.

South Pacific Cochran is an incredibly entertaining character. He has no self-confidence and is constantly getting shit on by his tribe. They view him as a number but treat him as an inferior. Aside from Dawn Meehan, nobody on Savaii cares for Cochran, the human being. Yet as the merge arrives, he becomes integral to the tribe’s survival. The plan is set, because Cochran seems like he would obviously feel left out of his tribe, he will act as a rogue and find out where to place the votes against Upolu, thus giving Savaii the numerical advantage to ride out the game.

While Cochran agrees with this plan, he only does so half-heartedly. He IS feeling left out of Savaii and they are hurting his feelings. In possibly his greatest legitimate moment of strategy on Survivor, Coach sees through the façade and reaches out to Cochran on a human level. Cochran flips, Savaii gets Pagong’ed and they all shit on Cochran some more in the process.

To go from that guy to the dominant winner from Caramoan is an amazing turnaround. In Caramoan, Cochran puts on one of the better final tribal councils the show has seen. This is the same dude who was blubbering through his first ever tribal council, narrowly avoiding becoming the first boot and being but a blip in the annals of Survivor history. It’s easy to see why production loves him so much, it’s a story you would only really find in fairy tales.

Aubry Bracco, Survivor: Kaoh Rong and Survivor: Game Changers

Aubry is a goddess. She is a truly wonderful Survivor character. It’s a wonder she even got as far as she did on Kaoh Rong. On day one, she was already having massive panic attacks from the realness of her situation.

Once she woke up and realized that this was her chance to make her mark, she became a totally different human being. The beauty of Aubry’s “growth arc” is that it’s all in one episode. She takes the efficiency David had over Cochran and shrinks it down even more. By the end of the premiere, we get a self-confident Aubry, ready to play Survivor.

At the swap, she turns the game on its head by convincing Tai Trang not to save Anna Khait with his idol and blindsiding her off the island. Then, she votes off a former ally in Peter Baggenstos, but not before showing of that self-doubt with her famous crossed-out Julia Solokowski vote. This pisses her off almost everybody on her tribe but she gets lucky and the tribes merge.

Aubry’s Kaoh Rong game has a lot of luck involved, both good and bad. She’s saved by the merge but then, Neil Gottlieb, one of her closest allies, gets medevaced out of the game. With an idol in his pocket that he doesn’t hand out to his tight alliance member. Most people would crumble under that kind of pressure but Aubry responds instead with amazing confessionals.

The idol went home with Neal, that son of a bitch, but Survivor’s a game, you make your way by yourself. It’s like going on the Oregon trail, you ford every river, you have to caulk every wagon, you have to go up the hills, and sometimes you get dysentery and die. You have to pave your own way.

Her ability to later bring Tai back from the Dark Side, like a reverse Palpatine, speaks to her ability to play the game. Where others in this archetype are nervous and unsettled, Aubry goes through Kaoh Rong with a relaxed sense of confidence and it breathes fresh air into her character type. Despite that, you get to see the goofy side of Aubry when she gets excited over rewards, especially cole slaw, and that is part of her charm too. She’s a very complex person and the edit does a good job of showing all sides of her.

Some of her awkwardness seeped into the endgame as she ends up losing to Michele Fitzgerald, failing to bond with some of the jurors more than she did. Of course, you can debate that final tribal council for as long as you want, there were some angry jurors that were defeated by Aubry in the process of getting there, but that’s for another day.

We prefer not to ponder too much on Aubry’s GC edit because she was one of the many people who were not served particularly well with its presentation. One of the biggest modern Survivor characters was barely seen or heard from on GC despite making it deep into the endgame. Still, one moment that must be highlighted is her immunity win where she crushed the record and made Cochran her on-air boyfriends then preceded to tackle Probst to celebrate her victory. Great stuff all around.