Independence Day All-Stars

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As a British person, Independence Day doesn’t mean very much to me, other than the fact it’s the day our Empire got significantly smaller (not bitter, honest!). However, whilst all you guys on the other side of ‘the pond’ enjoy your barbecues, booze and fireworks there is one part of the day that I can fully get behind: BASEBALL! So in celebration of this most American of days, I have created an All-American All-Star team for your delectation. Next week I may also put together an All-International team for them to play against, but today it’s all about the Stars and Stripes.

Players are eligible only if they are born in the USA (hey, if it’s good enough for picking Presidents it’s good enough for me) and extra credit is given to a player for added American-ness (THIS IS NOT JUST A LIST OF THE BEST AMERICAN PLAYERS!).

CATCHER: BUSTER POSEY (San Francisco Giants) Born in Leesburg, GA

A lot of catchers are not the best looking players on a team, which may be a result of their profession. Not Buster Posey. Buster Posey manages to combine his Gold Glove play behind the plate and Silver Slugger prowess at the plate with his sultry looks. Basically, Buster Posey is the grown up version of Zach Efron in the High School Musical films. Though this is normally considered somewhat annoying by those of us not blessed with either athletic talent or good looks, he fits in perfectly as the catcher for this All-American team. He is also called Buster, which is insanely American.

FIRST BASE: NICK SWISHER (Cleveland Indians) Born in Columbus, OH

Nick Swisher, the self-proclaimed ‘Mayor of Brohio’ is a big, brash, loudmouth (which is basically how the rest of the World sees the USA) but in a lovable manner (eh, maybe not so much). Swisher’s personality fills the clubhouse and leaks onto the field. In terms of being an All-American, Swisher’s brashness alone gets him into this team.

SECOND BASE: CHASE UTLEY (Philadelphia Philles) Born in Pasasdena, CA

We all thought Chase Utley was done didn’t we? In 2011 and 2012 his Batting Average, Home Runs and RBI were all down and he battled with injury. But over the last season and a half he has been something of a renaissance man, and this year will see him return to the All-Star Game for the first time since 2010. Utley’s grinding work ethic typifies the hard-working American man and his re-emergence as a true force gets him a place on this team. Still plays for the Phillies though, so a bit of a downer there.

SHORTSTOP: DEREK JETER (New York Yankees) Born in Pequannock Township, NJ

I’m not normally one for the Jeter love-in, especially not on the Present Collecting Tour that is his 2014 season. We all know he’s not been able to hack it at Short for a long time now, and over the last few seasons his batting has fallen off as well, but he’s still The Captain, the symbolic leader of the Evil Empire, the Yankees player it’s okay to like after the exit of the Sandman. Jeter, in a horribly cliched fashion, does everything ‘the right way’ and there’s barely a bad word to be said against him (Red Sox fans aside). His play typifies the All-American ideal, meaning that he can play terrible SS defense on the All-American team.

THIRD BASE: DAVID WRIGHT (New York Mets) Born in Norfolk, VA

Speaking of ‘Captains’, Captain America makes the cut as well. Obviously, being in New York means a player is subject to immense media scrutiny and Wright handles it with aplomb. He also handles with aplomb the fact he’s stuck on the Mets and the crushing disappointment every season must bring. Also, his World Baseball Classic exploits which gained him his nickname allow him to be the ‘All-American Hero’ on this team.

LEFT FIELD: JONNY GOMES (Boston Red Sox) Born in Petaluma, CA

Because nothing says “I love America” like wearing the Star Spangled Banner as a jacket.

CENTRE FIELD: JACOBY ELLSBURY (New York Yankees) Born in Madras, OR

I thought about putting Mike Trout here as he embodies the idea of ‘American excellence’, but I went with Ellsbury as he is the best of the three, non-Hispanic, Native American players (the other two being Joba Cahmberlain and Kyle Lohse). Though Native Americans may be more closely associated with Thanksgiving, I feel that in creating the All-American team there should be some representation from the Native American community.

RIGHT FIELD: BRYCE HARPER (Washington Nationals) Born in Las Vegas, NV

Harper might be as close as this list gets to having a classic American Bad Boy on it, the Mormon James Dean if you will. This obviously riles some but others just revel in his sheer ability (no matter where he bats in the line-up). Though he may be a polarising figure, it’s people like him who have played a part in making America what it is today, hence, he’s on the team.

DESIGNATED HITTER: PRINCE FIELDER (Texas Rangers) Born in Ontario, CA

It is still my theory that the Tigers traded Fielder to Texas because they knew not doing so would’ve been a crime to all Baseball fans. Though Fielder is a Californian, he seems to fit so perfectly with the whole Texas ethos to the point where I imagine he gets paid in these bad boys. Big Prince is so entirely big America that it would be a crime not to have him on this team.

STARTING PITCHER: CLAYTON KERSHAW (Los Angeles Dodgers) Born in Dallas, TX



Kershaw fills two roles in this All-American team. Firstly, he is a big, rugged Texan (if Roger Clemens was still playing he’d be in this spot) who throws the ball hard. Second, he basically encapsulates the American idea of being bigger and better with his domination of other pitchers: Oh, you’ve got a good slider? Clayton’s is better. You got a good curveball? Clayton’s is better. You pitch a no-hitter and give up walks? Pur-lease. There is no more dominant player in the game right now than Kershaw, and that’s why he’s an All-American here.

RELIEF PITCHER: JARED HUGHES (Pittsburgh Pirates) Born in Stamford, CT

This may seem a little bit left-field, given that Hughes is hardly as well known as the rest of the players on this list, but go with me. The reason that Hughes is on this list is that he is one of only two players (the other being Sergio Santos, who was nearly picked for this slot, but invalidated as he currently plays in Toronto) born on the Fourth of July! A guy born on Independence Day is surely the obvious choice to pitch in Relief for the All-American squad.