Guardian taste-tests the traditional Australian breakfast dish with a difference – on sale at a cafe for $7

Vegemite on toast gets deconstructed – and the internet is not happy

It could be seen as the patriotic expression of an Australian breakfast – but for some it’s everything wrong with the (culinary) world today.



Whichever side of the sourdough you come down on, a cafe in Newcastle has caused a stir by serving up Vegemite on toast with a difference.



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Core Espresso has been sending out its toast on a wooden board with a scoop of bespoke butter, a smear of the murky spread and a price tag of $7.

It seemed destined for mid-menu mediocrity until a post on Instagram put the rose in the internet’s cheeks. User @huonoliver, who visited the cafe, was surprised by the presentation. Commenting it was “tasty but ridiculous” he posted a picture to his account. That was picked up by Brown Cardigan which ran a photo, hashtagged #notmyvegemite, and Reddit lit up with talk of the latest in deconstructed food.



One article scolded “Give yourself an uppercut, Sydney,” and Novocastrians were for once hesitant to correct.



Samantha 🍾 (@_sammi06) It saddens me that the deconstructed Vegemite on toast was a Newcastle cafe. Thats not what our town is about 🙁

So Guardian Australia decided to do a taste test.



Ordering at Core Espresso brought instant suspicion. In this heightened climate it felt like asking for tickets to a peep show. The head barista, Danni Kerr, had just taken a call from local radio, network news was circling and websites were calling the dish “beyond ridiculous”, the final frontier in hipsters disappearing up their own self-indulgence.

“So, one Vegemite on toast then?” Kerr asked.



They’ve stopped using wooden boards to serve the dish. There were complaints, Kerr said, that condiments on boards were “unhygienic”. As the now famous toast clunked down before Guardian Australia on a plate, it was hard to shake the feeling of arriving in Pisa to find a long-overdue program of corrective works.



Aside from “that is a disgrace” and “looks like the chef slipped on a dog turd”, critics claim the extra time it takes to distribute one’s own butter and Vegemite must surely deplete crucial toast warmth, resulting in an unmelted disappointment.



This can be debunked. Rather than the kind of butter that spreads like Gumption, this stuff is shaped in a quenelle.



The diner may find him or herself lathering on too much butter (seven bucks is seven bucks) which, like a gambler chasing his losses, he must then match with Vegemite.

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Guardian Australia was overcome by the dosage. Kerr nodded knowingly.



“Everyone has a very specific ratio of Vegemite, butter and toast. That’s the idea,” she said.



“There’s lots of very offended people but it’s just toast. Come on.”

The price is hard to swallow but justified by the sourdough. It is at once crispy and soft and sourced from a Vietnamese bakery. And then there are the sprinkled “micro herbs”.

The point is, after all, breakfast.

Earlier Guardian Australia took the precaution of making its own version of the dish – a sort of a placebo in this highly scientific test.

The available Woolies loaf at home tasted as brown bread does. The old Vegemite jar was swirled with margarine and a shard of breadstick, like the tusk of a mammoth preserved in tar.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest The Guardian’s attempt at deconstructing Vegemite on toast Photograph: Tim Connell/The Guardian

A nub of fridge butter melted pleasingly into the toast. A few leaves of rocket stood in for the micro herbs but were quickly discarded.

If food is there to switch off the brain signal that says “hungry”, a homemade Vegemite toast will do. But there are those who see a Jackson Pollock and declare “I could make that!” Maybe on canvas, plate and board, some of us are destined to miss the point.



Scores:



Core Espresso Vegemite toast for $7. Rating: 7/10

Home Vegemite toast for 90c. Rating: 5/10