It’s a sad and sour realization, to know that you’ve aged and tattooed yourself out of your dream job, but that is the sad place many of us find ourselves today: we cannot be greeters at the National Rifle Association Expo in Lousville. Even if you’re not too old or too fat, you’re probably too odd for the job. Take a sec to grieve.


The NRA Expo, billed as “Freedom’s Largest Celebration,” begins May 20 this year, and an unknown exhibitor at the Kentucky Exposition Center is seeking greeters on Craigslist for what sounds like a real fun job:


The appropriately young, thin, unblemished, outgoing female will make $525 for three days’ work (or about $20 an hour if you’re working an eight-hour day). No parking or meals included, or, for that matter, any guidance on what constitutes an “odd” piercing. (Clitoris? We want to say clitoris.) The perky young female greeters will enjoy an exciting weekend interacting with a crowd that the NRA estimates will be about 70% male, very into target shooting, and presumably ready to talk *briefly* with a lady who smiles a lot. Aren’t we all?

We’ve sent an email seeking guidance on whether our existing piercings and advanced decrepitude are acceptable, and will update if we hear back. We won’t.