The much awaited limo intro’s have come and gone. I don’t know about you, but something just felt a little off. I wonder if that’s because there were two fucking bachelorette’s. I’ve expressed my disdain on the format before and after seeing it in action, I’m convinced that it doesn’t work. I mean honestly, what did that add? The ability to stretch out the premiere an extra hour and extra night? That wouldn’t have been needed if we didn’t spend the first half hour going back and forth between Kaitlyn and Britt discussing how awesome it would be. The other effect it had was on the guys. Was the goal there to ostracize those that voted for the girl that went home? Was it all about the awkwardness when guys got out of the limo? I really need some answers because it flat out didn’t work. Don’t do it again Chris Harrison.

Now that I got that off my chest let’s talk about the episode(s). You’ll never guess but Chris Harrison opens up his monologue by telling us that this is the most dramatic season of bachelorette that they’ve ever had. This is actually a good sign because if he doesn’t open up with this oft-used hyperbole, then it’s going to be shit. As mentioned above, the first half hour is Kaitlyn and Britt doing the whole prep for ette thing. Was boring. Chris finally brings both ladies out in front of the house and separates them before the limo’s pull up. When the guys get out they immediately have a choice to make as to whom to introduce themselves to first. I won’t go into detail on most of the introductions since they were mostly “Hi, I’m _______, are you nervous?”

When guys start getting out of the first couple of limo’s there is a good mixture on who they introduce themselves to first. I can’t help but feel that was done on purpose. One guy gives Kaitlyn a hockey puck and asks if he can puck her. I thought that was well done as it played off of what she did to Chris last year and her Canadian heritage. I guess that is better than the traditional Canadian custom of dipping her arms into pudding:

Josh the stripper dude makes his presence known by shaking his hips and making the girls touch his chest. Katilyn announces that she’s saving him for Britt. One guy gets out and tells them to bring it in for a group hug. I thought that was a great move and asked myself what the best strategy would be so that the winner doesn’t resent you. I think the safest bet is to go up to either one and do your introduction, but for the second girl right before you leave whisper “I hope it’s you”. Whatever you do, don’t do what Tony did. He had this whole speech prepared for Britt and she seemed touched by it. He then walks over to Kaitlyn and says the exact same thing. Tony the “healer” also had a black eye. Must have forgot to turn his powers on that day. Chris the dentist drove a cupcake car down the road in front of the bachelor mansion. Thought I was watching an episode of this:

The bachelorette website has also added this to Chris’s picture:

No need to enable him.

As the guys and girls were getting to know each other Kaitlyn was presented with this:

Yes, that is Chris Harrison riding a triceratops. Even Dodgeball villain White Goodman is jealous:

As the night went on guys were to vote for who they wanted the bachelorette to be. I couldn’t help but laugh when Britt said she wanted guys to “put a rose in her box”, because I’m immature. Britt also called someone a dick and I don’t even remember why. Now I’m no politician but if you want people to vote for you, probably shouldn’t call them dicks.

We also can’t forget about Ryan M. In less than 24 hours at the bach mansion he managed to get hammered, try and fight guys, go swimming in his underwear, and grab the bachelorette’s ass. That last move got him disqualified as CH sent him packing. I think that’s the first time someone has been kicked off before the rose ceremony on the first night (Britt was a close second, heh).

Speaking of Britt, the beginning of the second episode opened Chris having to let her down after he tallied up the votes. Don’t worry though, I’m sure dancing with the stars is interested. Brady, the singer/songwriter/Chris Martin wannabe decided to follow his heart and chase after her. I think we’ll later find out how creeped out Britt was and told him to get lost. The rest of the episode was basically a cocktail party with Kaitlyn getting rid of a few guys at the end. She did end up making out with a few of them, one being the fruitcake cupcake dentist. I’m sure he was just checking out her molars.

Easily the best part of the episode was the “this season on the bachelorette” montage. In the past I’ve shied away from talking about any previews, but this was just too juicy to dismiss. You’ve got your normal drama with her crying, guys crying, out of context voice overs, and then there is Creepy Fucking Nick. You’ll remember him as the runner up on Andi’s season in which he called her out for sexing him up during the finale. Here he is wearing a douchy v-neck:

Dude barges onto the show it looks like and tries to get with Kaitlyn. What a tool. Couldn’t he wait until bachelor in paradise? We also hear Kaitlyn during the montage admit to having sex before the fantasy suite. Kaitlyn by far is better tv and I can’t wait to see shit go down.

So to you losers that she booted night one:

See you next week

- Nick (the non creepy one)