REYNOLDSBURG, OH—Describing the high-visibility pyrotechnic device as a “sweet yet earthy 20,000-candlepower blend of shea butter and essential tree oils,” Bath & Body Works unveiled its new Soothing Eucalyptus Road Flare, sources reported Wednesday. “What better way to calm your nerves and divert traffic from your damaged vehicle than by igniting our new eucalyptus-scented road flare,” said senior vice president of marketing Amanda Kahn, adding that each perchlorate-acetylene canister was accented with a luxurious hint of lemon to heighten alertness and promote wellbeing in distraught motorists as they wait for a tow truck or ambulance. “In addition, the olfactorily balanced and harmonizing 2,400-degree flame is guaranteed to burn for at least 40 minutes, so whether you’re stranded on a remote stretch of highway or the police are too busy responding to more serious matters, you can breathe in deeply and relax in a state of spa-like comfort until help arrives.” Kahn added that if the fragrance performed well, the company would release it later this year as a roadside memorial candle.

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