Because Jesus:

Sylvia Driskell, 66, said in the suit that she is petitioning the U.S. District Court of Omaha to be heard “in the matter of homosexuality. Is homosexuality a sin, or not a sin?”

An Auburn woman calling herself an ambassador for God and his son, Jesus Christ, filed a federal lawsuit Friday against all homosexuals.

Driskell will be representing herself in the case of (I’m not making this up) Driskell v. Homosexuals.

Because no attorney’s touching this one with a ten-foot pole.

No word yet on who’s representing every gay person ever. Or how they’re all gonna fit inside the courtroom.

***Update***: We finally have a copy of the lawsuit. Holy shit, you guys, this is ridiculous.

Besides being entirely handwritten, the excerpts are as absurd as you’d expect. More below:

No grammar is altered in the transcript below:

Plaintiffs:

I Sylvia Ann Driskell

Ambassador for Plaintiffs

God, and His, Son, Jesus Christ

…

Defendants:

Homosexuals

Their Given Name Homosexuals

Their, Alis Gay

…

Ambassador: I Sylvia Ann Driskell ambassador for Plaintiffs do set forth on this 30 day of 2015 in writing this Petition to the United State District Court of Omaha, Omaha, Nebraska On behalf of the Plintiffs: God, and His, Son, Jesus Christ.

Ambassador: I Sylvia Ann Driskell ambassador for the Plaintiffs: God, and His, Son, Jesus Christ: Petition Your Honor, and Court of the United State District Court of Omaha, Omaha, Nebraka, To be heard in the matter of homosexuality. Is Homosexuality a sin, or not a sin,

Defendant’s Homosexuals: The Homosexuals say that its not a sin to be a homosexual, An they have the right to marry, to be parents, And God doesn’t care that their homosexuals, because He loves them.

Ambassador: I Sylvia Ann Driskell, refer Your Honor to paragraph 3, line 2 of Defendant’s, Homosexuals say that its not a sin, to be a homosexual.

Plaintiff’s: God tells his children in Leviticus Chapter 18 verse 22. Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind. It is ambomination.

Plaintiff’s: God also tells his Children in Romans Chapter 1 verse 26, 27. Romans 1:26. For this cause God gave them up unto vile affection: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: Romans Chapter 1, verse 27. And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; Men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.

Ambassador: I Sylvia Ann Driskell: Your Honor, I’ve heard the boasting of the Defendant: the Homosexuals on the world news; from the young, to the old; to the rich an famous, and to the not so rich an famous; How they were tired of hiding in the closet, and how glad they are to be coming out of the closet.

Plaintiff’s: God, tells his Children in Romans Chapter 1, vere 28, And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient.

Ambassador: I Sylvia Ann Driskell, Contend that homosexuality is a sin, and that they the homosexuals know it is a sin to live a life of homosexuality. Why else would they have been hiding in a closet.

Ambassador: I Sylvia Ann Driskell, refer to Webster Dictionary for the definition of sin: sin the willful breaking of religious or moral law.

Defendant’s Homosexuals: In regards to paragraph 3 line 2 They the homosexuals, say they have the right to marry.

Plaintiff’s God: God’s word tells his children in Jenesis chapter 2 verse 24. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleanse unto his wife and they shall be one flesh.

Ambassador: I Sylvia Ann Driskell refer to the Webster Dictionary for the definitions of the word marry. 1 to join as husband and wife 2 to talk as husband or wife.

Defendant’s Homosexuals: In regards to paragraph 3 line 3 They the homosexuals, say they have the right to be parents.

Ambassador: I Sylvia Ann Driskell refer to Webster Dictionary for the definition for parent. 1. A father or mother. 2. Any organism in relation to its offspring.

Ambassador: I Sylvia Ann Driskell write these words to You, Your Honor: every good Father and Mother knows that its not just being able to give life to a child that makes a parent.

Ambassador: I, Sylvia Ann Driskell contend a good parent is not just a father or a mother that tells their children whats right; it’s the parent that walks the walk, and that talks, the talk, who are the example of what they teach, that’s why their children know right from wrong.

Ambassador: I Sylvia Ann Driskell, write, As well, we also know that if a child is raised in a home of liers, an deceivers, and thieves that it is reasonable to believe that child will grow up to be one of the three, are all three.

Plaintiff’s: God tells the parents in Proverbs chapter 22 verse 6. Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Defendant’s Homosexuals: I regards to paragraph 3, line 3. They the homosexuals, say that God doesn’t care, that their homosexuals, because he loves them.

Plaintiff’s God: God tells his children in Romans chapter 1, verse 18. For the wrath of God is reveald from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness

Plaintiff’s God: God also tells his children in Romans 1, verse 24. Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lust of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves.

Plaintiff’s God: God tells his children in Romans chapter 1, verse 25. Who change the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed, for ever. Amen.

Defendant’s Homosexuals: In regards to paragraph 3, line 4. Because God loves them.

Ambassador: I Sylvia Ann Driskell, contend thats the only statement the defendants have rights God loves them so much that He gave his Son, and Jesus gave his life for them.

Plaintiff’s God: God prophecies of His, Son, Jesus Christ, in Isaiah chapter 53, verse 5. But he was wounded for Our transgression, he was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are heald.

Isaiah chapter 53, verse 6 All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all. Isaiah chapter 55 verse 7 Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him; And to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.

Plaintiff’s Jesus Christ: In Luke chapter 23, verse 34. Then said Jesus, Father forgive them; for they know not what they do.

Ambassador: I Sylvia Ann Driskell, wish to address You, Your Honor, and the United State District Court of Omaha, Omaha, Nebraska.

I write not in few words, So I hope you, Your Honor, and The United State District Court of Omaha, Omaha, Nebraska; will indulge me, in my writing.

Never before has Our great Nation the United State of America and Our great state of Nebraska; been besiege by sin:

The way to destroy any nation, or state is to destroy its morals; look what happen to Sodom and Gomorrah two city because of the same immoral behavior that represent in our nation, in our states, and our cities; God destroy them.

If God could have found ten righteous people among them he would’ve spared them.

I’m sixty six years old, an I never thought that I would see the day in which our Great Nation or Our Great State of Nebraska would become so compliant to the complicity of some peoples lewd behavior.

Why are judges passing laws, so sinners can break religious and moral laws?

Will all the judges of this Nation, judge God to be a lier?

For God has said; that all unrighteousness is sin, and that homosexuality is abomination

Ambassador: I Sylvia Ann Driskell: I have written this Petition to the United State District Court of Omaha, Omaha, Nebraska, and to you, Your Honor.

Because I feel its is imperative to do so. Life as a nation, as States, and as Cities need to start standing up for the moral principles on which our, Great Nation, Our, Great States, and Our, Great Cities were founded on.

Lamentations 3:22

It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed because his compassions fail not.

ambassador Sylvia Ann Driskell