I just got a letter from a reader of this site in Seattle alerting me to the fact that Ypsilanti has just been named the 6th best city IN THE ENTIRE COUNTRY for singles, finishing just behind places like West Hollywood, California and Hoboken, New Jersey. While, admittedly, it’s been some time since I’ve been single in Ypsilanti, I just can’t see how it’s even remotely possible that a little community like ours, which doesn’t even have a theater, could possibly be a better place for singles than, say, Miami Beach, where everyone is beautiful, the food it good, and they don’t experience winter. [Miami Beach finished 8th on the list, two spots behind Ypsi.]

Here’s how the folks at Livability.com, who put out this list of “The 10 Best Cities for Singles,” justify Ypsi’s inclusion.

Ypsilanti, Michigan, is experiencing a surge of young, creative types, making it one of the best cities for singles, especially those who dig an artsy, small-town vibe. The city’s expanding dating pool is partly due to rising costs of living in nearby Ann Arbor, which have caused many young residents to head to Ypsi (as it’s commonly called). This growth, and some progressive planning by community leaders have helped Ypsilanti become a more vibrant, sought-after hamlet between Detroit and Chicago during the last 10 years…

The woman who sent this to my attention seems to think that I might be somehow to blame for this, as I keep “profiling creative people,” and giving “the impression” that interesting things are happening here. I suspect it probably has more to do with someone at Livability.com being told to throw a few weird towns into the mix, but, if it’s true that I played any part in this, no matter how small, I’m truly sorry… While I suspect that single people are having an alright time here, and getting laid, and doing other things that single people do, I don’t want to have anything to do with perpetuating the myth that Ypsi is a better city for singles than, say, Chicago, which didn’t even place on this list. No matter how many cool things may be happening here, the math just doesn’t work. We’re just too small, with our population of 20,000, to deserve the title of “6th Best City for Singles.”

Given this, here’s what I’d suggest… I think that our City Council should call a press conference immediately and decline the honor. If we don’t do this, I’m afraid that we’ll start seeing our streets fill up with disappointed transplants from around the country, who, unable to find love here, will eventually turn on us. [Does anyone remember Christine?] While it’s certainly cool to make it onto a list like this, I just don’t think it’s worth being punched in the face by someone who came here expecting to find a singles paradise. And that’s what I’m pretty sure is going to happen. There won’t be more awesome sex. There will just be more getting punched in the face.