Rick Perry, who did not even know what the energy department did before he became the secretary of the damn thing, has a new scientific theory about climate change.

Asked whether CO2 emissions are primarily responsible for climate change, Perry told CNBC’s “Squawk Box”: “No, most likely the primary control knob is the ocean waters and this environment that we live in.”

Ocean waters? Like they get hot or cold on their own because of … oh I dunno, whale poop?

Rick Perry doing scientific research this morning.

According to Professor Perry of the Texas A&M Department of Animal Husbandry, the other thing that causes climate change is “this environment that we live in.”

You mean like the CO2 emissions or fluffy clouds?

Here’s the kicker.

Being a skeptic about climate change issues is “quite all right,” he [Perry] said, suggesting that skepticism is a sign of a “wise, intellectually engaged person.”

That’s the first damn time anybody has ever accused Rick Perry of being “intellectually engaged” and that crap better stop pretty quick or Ole Rick’s gonna punch … oh wait, he said it about himself.

Originally published at JuanitaJean.com