BAXLEY, Calif. – Sitting down to eat, Michael Lee didn’t seem any different from the dozens of other hungry lunch-goers around him. However, that illusion was quickly destroyed as soon as he flipped open his box of chicken nuggets and started to chow down. That’s when his depravity became clear, because Mr. Lee is very different from normal people. Mr. Lee eats chicken nuggets without any sauce.

According to psychologist Dr. Ray Turner, this behavior is “a sure sign of severe mental imbalance.”

“While there may one day be some cure to this sickness, current experimental procedures such as Mainlined BBQ and Irradiated Honey Mustard Application are currently only approved for trials on animals,” Dr. Tuner said.

“Until then,” he added, “My advice would be for people to stay as far away as possible from this man.”

Michael Lee, however, sees no need to seek treatment. Smacking his lips and crunching his way through another bone-dry nugget he managed to pause long enough to say, “I like ’em dry. It’s the only way to get that real chicken flavor.”

Mr. Lee then took a long slurp of cola to wash down the stale deep-fried husk of meat, turned back to his box of nuggets and dove in for another piece.