WASHINGTON, DC — At a press conference yesterday, Richard Spencer addressed rumors that he is indeed a heterosexual. “I just want to say that these rumors are completely baseless and unfounded.” Spencer said, speaking in front of Nellie’s Sports Bar, a popular Washington gay night club. “I am not now, nor have I ever been, a heterosexual.”

We reached out to Jack Donovan, a major alt-right figure and expert on masculinity, to get some insight into Richard’s response.

“Oh, well, Dicky was very upset,” said Donovan. “You always are the first time this happens. It’s a real shock to hear that someone is spreading damaging rumors about you behind your back. He’ll bounce back, though. I have a feeling these insults are unlikely to stick.”

We will be bringing you further updates on this story as events warrant.