Four months have passed. Four months of working with Tilly to perfect our 2v2 strategy. Four months of Selena always on the back of my mind. I may not be angry at her any more, I may just feel sorry for her, but she’s still there like an incessant fly that just doesn’t go away. Four months of continuing to fight this darkness and, on some nights, give into the its hunger for flesh. However, it has also been four months of Ash. Of her smile, her laugh, her eyes, and that damned hair I still don’t know the real color of. Of her touch that sends chills down my spine and that look in her eyes she sometimes get when she doesn’t think I’m watching. For all her smiles and laughter I know she has something buried. While Selena has been stuck in the back of my mind, Ash is glaringly up front. At least, she is most days.

Today however, is not one of those days. Last night I saw Selena on TV, laughing and smiling in an interview. It reminded me of her words that night after the tournament and part of me wanted her. Part of me wanted to go to her and scoop her up and forgive her and tell her she would never, ever have to feel unwanted again. It had overwhelmed me so much that I now lay in my bed despite the fact that it is past mid-day. Sure, she cheated on me, but how many women have I slept with that had boyfriends or husbands? I never look, I never ask, because when I let the darkness consume me, I don’t care. In the end, I’m no better than her.

Knocks emanate from my door. “Go away Rags.” I call, using the last name I had given Tilly as a child.

The door opens and I sigh. “What a horrible name to give your best friend.” Ash chides as I hear her move swiftly across my room to sit on the side of my bed.

“How did you get in?” I ask. I don’t want her to see me like this.

“Tilly called me and let me in. She’s worried. Something about you needing a distraction because of that pop star that’s been everywhere the past few months.” She replies.

Selena. I let out a shuddering breath. It isn’t all about her. I guess it all stems from her. But the thing that’s really crushing me…”I’m just as bad as she is. No, I’m worse than she is. Tilly puts me up on this high horse, but I’m worse than Selena.”

“Hmm, is that right? You know, not that I know her personally, but I do know you and I highly doubt you’re worse than Selena the teenage bitch.” Ash stands and looks down at me with a smile. “Now, get out of that bed. Stop moping, it doesn’t suit you.”

I just lay there. Why can’t they just leave me alone. Why does Tilly have to drag Ash into this. After it’s clear that I’m not planning on moving, Ash raises an eyebrow at me and begins to go through all my drawers.

“What are you doing?” I ask her, watching each movement she makes. My heart races as I watch her body move. The way her hair falls and shifts makes my blood race. Sure, Tilly was probably right to call her. If anyone can get me out of this, Ash can. But Ash was…well…Ash. I can’t make a single move on her and be sure that her reaction back is genuine. She makes men feel wanted for her job.

I hear her let out a victorious exclamation as she holds out a small black box. My veins turn to ice. I feel that darkness rise up and threaten to overtake me. Before I know it I’m across the room, her wrist clutched in my hand.

“Drop it.” I hiss.

She doesn’t look scared. She doesn’t look angry. She just smiles and wrenches her hand away from mine. “No. I’m keeping this and you’re coming with me. So, as much as I am enjoying the view you may want to put on something a little more covering than pajama pants.”

I feel my hand twitch into a fist and I close my eyes. Stop it. Stop this now. This is Ash. You will not. Hurt. Ash. You really, really like Ash. It isn’t working. I can feel it still rising, threatening. My fist twitches again and something like a growl escapes my lips. I hear Ash shift and suddenly her arms are around me and I can feel her clothing against my skin. The whole world lights up and the darkness begins to recede. I grip her against me, holding on as if my life depends on it.

“It’s okay, Jayden. You’re okay. I’m okay.” She whispers, her warm breath tickling my lips.

I shudder against her. “I’m sorry. I can’t…it’s hard –“

She steps back and smiles that amazing smile. “It’s okay. You don’t need to explain. Now get dressed. You need to do something. It’ll help. I promise.”

I take a deep breath and run a hand through my hair, letting her smile allow a small one to pull on the corners of my mouth. “Okay.”

She stops as we reach the end of the pier, having walked from my apartment. The wind catches her hair, sending it around her in brown tendrils. Guilt begins to seep into me as I watch her. I almost hit her. There is no excuse, no valid reason. I nearly hit a woman without any provocation. All Ash had done was find the ring box I still had buried in my drawer.

“Hey.” She says softly, taking my hand in hers. “I told you. It’s okay. What matters is you didn’t do it.”

I smile at her, taking her in. I want to lean in and kiss her, to show her how grateful I am, how much I’ve grown to care about her. But instead of letting this moment continue she smirks and holds up the box.

“Take it.” She says, shoving it into my hand. “Take it, and toss it out into the ocean.”

My mouth drops. “What?!” I exclaim.

Her laughter fills the air. “Do it! You don’t need it and you’re never going to use it again. It’s just a stupid reminder about a stupid woman who had no idea what she was giving up. Get. Rid. Of. It. Trust me.”

I turn the box over and over in my hand, my heart racing. I look at her smiling at me, her green eyes sparkling. Fuck this ring and fuck Selena. I raise my arm and chuck it into the river. We watch it spin round and round through the air until finally it plops into the river. As soon as it disappears under the water a weight lifts from me. I let out a laugh, a real laugh, and turn to Ash.

“Oh my gnome!” I exclaim, grabbing her into a hug and spinning around.

“I told you! I told you!” She laughs aloud.

I set her down with her back to the railing, but don’t let go, my hand warm against her lower back. She looks up at me and those green eyes send fire shooting through my body. I raise my other hand to her cheek, leaning forward slowly. She smiles softly and leans in as well. Holy gnome, this was happening. Our breath mingles and I can almost feel her lips against mine, but then a tune rings out, shattering the moment.

Ash jumps back and I see a blush rise to her cheeks. “Shit.” She mutters, turning away and answering her phone. “Hello?” She answers. “But, it’s my day off, you can’t do this I-“ Her shoulders drop and the normally full-of-life Ash I know seems to deflate. “Okay.”

She sighs as she slides her phone back into her pocket. When she turns to me she’s got a smile on her face, but I can see it doesn’t reach her eyes.

“Who was that?” I ask.

“No…my boss. I have to go. I’m sorry. I’ll text you when I can.” Seeing my frown she gives me a smile that does reach her eyes…almost. “By Jayden.”