Jeremy Clarkson gets plucked at Grayshott Health Spa

GETTY

The final hangover from last year was still coursing through my head when I arrived with a face the colour of a motor torpedo boat at the Grayshott health farm, which is located in the part of Surrey the ashamed locals call the Surrey-Hampshire borders. This is not the sort of spa, we are told, where hen-nighters spend all day in a whirlpool bath giggling about anal bleaching. It’s billed as a “medical” spa, and it’s owned by the Lanserhof group, where Germans and Austrians go to follow a strict regime of fasting and doing star jumps. And picking up divorcees.

The place is full of people from north London, who are mostly on a week-long course