I recently received a dossier concerning an emergency meeting by some of America’s trading partners at the Illuminati headquarters in Venice. The document came to me by sources and methods of intelligence I’m not at liberty to share. But for the record, Fusion GPS and its agents played no role in procuring or preparing this dossier.

What united the 138 nations gathered in Venice? Each country imports more from the U.S. than it exports. Together they formed the international advisory group known as Countries Shafted by Bad Trade Deals with the U.S., or Cosbatdus. They were meeting to discuss how to respond to President Trump’s protectionist actions.

A representative from Hong Kong, which has the largest trade deficit with the U.S., led the meeting. His vice chairmen—from the United Kingdom, United Arab Emirates and Belgium, other large-deficit nations—assisted. The agenda and recommendations were prepared by the Cosbatdus executive committee. It consists of Australia, Chile, Egypt, Ethiopia, Honduras, Iceland, Mongolia, Morocco, the Netherlands and Vatican City—with all of which the U.S. has a trade surplus.

Some countries proposed duties on imported American goods, as a response to Mr. Trump’s imposition of steel and aluminum tariffs. But speaker after speaker pointed out that consumers in countries levying the tariffs, not American companies producing the goods, would pay the tariffs. Why raise prices on your own people?

Another hot topic was whether Cosbatdus countries should pursue free-trade agreements with the U.S., lowering barriers to importation of American goods and services if the U.S. reciprocated. But after extensive discussion, there was agreement that by leveling the playing field such trade agreements appear advantageous to America. In 2016 the combined U.S. deficit with the 20 countries with which it had a free-trade agreement was a $3.7 billion. (These countries imported $851.8 billion from the U.S. while the U.S. bought $855.5 billion from them.) By comparison, countries without such agreements imported $1.352 trillion in American goods and services while selling the U.S. $1.737 trillion in return—a U.S. trade deficit of $385 billion.