**UPDATE**

A tipster who knows the kid tells us he has not been kicked out of either the fraternity or the school. All is right with the world.

**

Greek community cookouts are boring. I’m not talking about grilling at tailgate or having a bunch of people over to the house for a cookout. I’m talking about the community cookouts where every fraternity and sorority sets up a stand on campus and pretends to give a fuck about genuine Greek culture by selling lamb gyros and olives and shit to GDIs. So excuse this William & Mary ATO member for attempting to liven the mood by dropping acid, dropping trough, and strolling through the event like a stud.

“Excuse me sir, but I can’t allow you to wrap one more gyro until you put a hairnet on that bush.”

I realize that line is drawn horizontally rather than vertically. Autumns are cold in Virginia, you guys.

Our tipster tells us that the poor kid eventually got arrested, has been kicked out of ATO, and will probably be kicked out of W&M.

This is a flagrant miscarriage of justice. If this was a naked girl, everyone would chalk it up as a brave stance against bras or the patriarchy and give her a feature in Jezebel. But when a guy whips it out (in this case, it was either for Harambe or to put an end to the war in Darfur… he left the piece open to interpretation), the only thing he gets is a spot on the registered sex offender list. The world simply isn’t ready for naked dicks, and visionaries like this guy have to suffer because of it. He’s a man who was born tragically ahead of his time.

Also, I guarantee ATO booted him strictly as a formality. You know he’s become a living legend to those guys. Pledges years from now will be forced to remember the initiation number of the brother who ate way too much sid and casually strolled through the Greek cookout while hanging dong. Long after he’s gone, his heroic actions will live on in infamy..