If we conquer our doubt, we’ll rarely stress out..

“I don’t get nervous in front of crowds. I like speaking in public.”

That’s what I confidently told my mom as I left for my friend’s wedding. But before I delivered my rehearsal dinner toast, I was so nervous that I couldn’t hold my dinner fork still.

Isn’t life funny?

Rehearsal Dinner Eve

“Ladies and gentlemen..”

I stood in front of the hotel bed to practice my speech. Earlier that day, I had met with the parents of the bride and groom.

“We can’t wait to hear your speech tomorrow!”

And now my excitement for the celebration took a different turn in my head.

What if you forget what to say?

What if nobody laughs at the jokes?

What if it’s too long? Or too short?

A tiny knot started to form in my stomach. And I began to pace across the room.

“Ladies and gentlemen….Ladies and…Gentlemen and…“

The Rehearsal Dinner

We gathered around a huge table filled with smiles and laughter. And soon it would be time for my speech.

“Are you nervous?”

One of the groomsmen leaned over to check on me.

“Oh no, I’m fine!”

But of course, I wasn’t.

The knot in my stomach had been joined by a swarm of butterflies — all working together to make my body an uncomfortable place.

I’ll just get some food down and everything will be fine.

When the food arrived, I prepared to eat my stress away. But when I picked up my fork and knife, my hands wouldn’t stop shaking.

Ok, maybe I am a little nervous.

The Rehearsal Dinner Toast

Those 55 seconds felt like an eternity.

The faster I spoke, the more nervous I became.

Are these jokes funny?

…or are they are laughing because I need it?

“Thank you all for being here. And here’s to future Mr and Mrs!”

I started to walk towards my chair.

Well, that was…ok. Not great, just..OK

…but what if your speech at the wedding isn’t great either?

When I looked down at my plate, I realized I was no longer hungry.

Why does this happen?

When we feel stressed, it’s usually because we believed one tiny little lie:

“If I’m uncertain about the outcome, it will be a disaster.”

This is the little lie of doubt. And when I believe it, I will actually help create that disaster. Just watch.

3 Signs We’re Doubting

#1 Thoughts

First, I play the “What if” game with all the possibilities of how the future can go wrong.

“What if you forget what to say?”

“What if nobody laughs at your jokes?”

“What if it’s too long? Or too short?

#2 Emotions

Here come the butterflies. I’m nervous. I’m stressed out. I’m anxious to know the outcome.

#3 Actions

Since I’m nervous, I can’t think straight. I talk too quickly and stumble over my words. Or I run from a new situation to stay within my comfort zone.

Now the outcome is even worse than before. And soon I’ll doubt if I made the right choice.

Maybe I shouldn’t have done that.

Doubt never ends.

But it doesn’t have to be like this. Perhaps we just need to shift our focus a little.

Wedding Day

The ceremony was beautiful. I got to watch one of my close friends marry the woman he loves. And now it was time for me to give my speech to express how happy I am for the new couple.

While I waited for the DJs signal, I took a look around.

Wow, that’s a lot of people.

What if you forget what you wrote?

Well..

What if it’s so boring that people tune out?

Hmm..

Maybe you can cut your speech short.

Just say you’re happy for them and sit down.

Wait, what? No! I like what I wrote.

I mean, I did the best I could.

And it was true. Since I was named best man, I worked a little every week on my speech. I couldn’t have done any better.

Well, it could still turn out horribly!

But now I started to think of all the work I put in.

Yeah! I REALLY couldn’t have done better. Last night I practiced again and again.

I said my prayers. I got a good night’s sleep.

My speech wasn’t perfect, but it was the best I could do.

But what if..

And yesterday didn’t go THAT bad.

But how about if..

My best is all I can do!

“…and now we’ll hear from the groom’s best man!”

“Looks like that’s my cue..”

As I got up to look at the guests, I realized the butterflies were still around.

But somehow I felt better.

If I failed, it wouldn’t be because of a lack of effort. So everything else was out of my control. It wasn’t mine to worry about.

I could let go.

And with each laugh of the crowd, the butterflies began to lose their wings.

Focus On What You Control

The biggest difference between doubt and faith is focus. Doubt is focused on the uncertainties. But faith focuses on what we can control.

We’ll need to remember one simple truth of faith:

“If I do my best, I believe it will turn out well.”

But to believe that, you’ll need a good answer to..

How did I make sure to do my best with this?

When you focus on that answer, you..

Become Confident

You stand your ground.

You persevere and succeed when things look impossible.

You remember your past success and believe even more for the future.

You become someone who achieves great things.

You become the best version of yourself.

Just remember..

Doubt actually creates negative outcomes. So when you find yourself doubting (“What if..”), focus on all the work you’ve put in. And let go.

Your best is all you can do :)