In case you missed it, everyone’s favorite male model, Jordan Kimball, was with us on Monday night to watch (and react to) The Men Tell All. After the episode, Jordan joined us on The Betchelor podcast, ready to spill the tea. To get all of the important info, you’ll need to listen to the full episode of The Betchelor in its entirety, but I’ve done you all the favor of highlighting some of the juicier tidbits from Jordan’s episode. You are so welcome in advance. Read below, and subscribe and rate The Betchelor on iTunes.

On Lincoln being a floor sh*tter…

“I never did see lincoln go to the restroom.”

On how he feels around Krystal…

“There’s this insert of me with Krystal, and it disturbs me. There’s such a hype around Krystal and I, and there’s such a low-key fear of me even looking into her eyes. I can’t even sit at the same table with her.”

On what you didn’t see from Jason…

“Jason was singing Disney songs every morning in the shower—they didn’t show all that.”

On Christian confronting him at the Men Tell All…

“Fun fact: Afterwards, he comes up to me and says ‘can I get a picture? I’m a big fan.’”

On Colton…

“If you’re gonna be the guy who’s not being himself but will call other people out for being themselves, then I’ve got every right to pull the trigger. With that being said, I like to give a girl a better catch than a chase. That’s where you find love. It breaks my heart that he’s 26 years old and has never done that”

On guys (Chris) not being real for the cameras…

Derek Peth: “When you guys were in Vegas, we were at the Aria too and we met with some of the producers. They said the thing with this season is that these guys, the producers feel were like, trained to say things. Instead of just being who they are and speaking from the heart, they try to be somebody or portray somebody else.”

Jordan: “Chris went in trying to be someone else and when that didn’t match with what’s going on, he flipped out. It actually started to happen in Utah, and he lost it on everyone. You know, ‘facade’ is Chris’ middle name. He tries so hard, it’s like you don’t have to try to be with us. The Florida crew, we’ve disowned him.”

And more on Chris…

“He struggled a lot with his identity, like ‘I’ve got this and that’, but God, that doesn’t mean you’re a dateable guy, that you’re lovable. First of all, the dog that he claims to be his isn’t even his. Who does that? I mean, I’m not gonna lie, the photos ABC requested for the show, I sent them photos of me with my brother’s dog. I wanna give that guy a hug.”

On Grocer Joe (plus a ‘Paradise’ sneak peek)…

“Joe, he doesn’t talk very much. He speaks from the gut and all he says is, ‘Yeah, she’s a great girl’. I love him. He just wants you to find what you need in his grocery store. There’s so much to look forward to with Joe and I in Paradise, I can say that much.”

On his ideal bodyguard…

“Here’s the cool thing though–you call Joe out, you will get a reaction out of him. Joe will put you on your ass. Oh yeah, he’s got some Italian steam behind him. I’m telling you, if I need a bodyguard, it’s gonna be grocery store Joe. He can beat him with some tomatoes and make great ketchup, I’m sure. A real bloody scene, you know.”

On shady social media pages…

“Okay, I’m gonna call someone out here. I’m really fed up with who runs the Bachelor ABC page because I think it’s someone who isn’t tied to the show from an ABC standpoint. I think it’s someone that’s just trying to campaign for people, and that’s my vibe right now, and there’s a lot of people campaigning for Jason right now. I don’t know if he’s paying them off…”

On whether Blake is genuine…

“No. I definitely think Garrett is genuine. He’s absolutely genuine. The only thing, though, the first night when I met him, I had to introduce myself to him six times. I’m like, listen, I’m not that guy who’s wearing an apron at the grocery store, I’m f*cking Jordan. You should recognize, you know?”

Listen to the full episode of this week’s Betchelor podcast for even more tea!