

It's the morning after all the news broke yesterday. Art Briles is going to be terminated. Ken Starr has stepped down as president. Ian Mccaw is on probation. And now Baylor is reporting itself to the NCAA. It's a rainy day in Waco. I'm eating breakfast with no one but the questions weighing in my head.

The Past

I started coming to Baylor just at the right time. My freshman year saw Baylor's first bowl game in a long time. After that came RGIII's Heisman. Our first take-down of a Ranked #1 team. Our first Big XII Championship. Staying for Grad School meant seeing our second championship, and that awe-inspiring game against UNC. I was excited for Baylor; sure, we still haven't caught the white whale of an undefeated season and a national championship, but I had faith that it would happen soon.

Throughout the time I've been following college football, my friends and I witnessed many scandals at other schools, such as Cam Newton's eligibility concerns, Jameis Winston's ordeal, and the academic scandal at UNC. And every time, someone would point out that every college, including Baylor, had skeletons in their closet.

I outright refused to believe that. I hold Baylor to a higher standard than that. I held Art Briles to the highest esteem.

Then Sam Ukwuachu happened. Even then, I assumed it was one bad apple and that Boise State was at fault. Besides, he never stepped on Baylor's field; what could Briles do about it?

I just grit my teeth and waited for it to pass.

But it didn't pass. It just got worse.

As more and more allegations of sexual assault on Baylor's campus came out, I realized the university that I loved had a problem. I took a very optimistic stance: "Sometimes, you don't know a system is broken until it breaks." Even with the negative press starting to swirl about the University, I trusted that it was just a failure on multiple levels rather than one singular person's fault...that there was no malicious intent. Just a broken system due to the relevant information not reaching the right people. A failure of the Judicial Affairs office of the Title IX Office. It'll surely get fixed so that no one else has to be a victim of a malfunctioned system. That law firm will find the broken pieces and they'll be remedied.

Then the OTL report came out.

I stood firm. I had solidified in my mind it was a university problem and that the football program had their hands tied due to lack of information. I had previously witnessed high profile players get cut from the team for far less. Surely our beloved coach, who ushered in the new era at Baylor, was innocent of such heinous actions. Surely, he wouldn't risk a job he could keep as long as he wanted for some "lower" profile players.

Wednesday morning, I posted a FanPost calling for rationality as we discussed the issues at hand. In there, I ardently defended Briles. Only malicious intent would get him fired, and the evidence suggested that it was unlikely he was involved.

I was at the BRIC late on Wednesday night doing work on my thesis. I saw some big-wigs downstairs from my office window. They were there all night, reviewing a packet of papers with the Baylor logo and DRAFT written across the front. I knew it was the Board of Regents, and I "knew" it was the press release condemning and firing Ken Starr.

The next morning the news broke. Art Briles was out.

"He's a scapegoat!" I clamored. "The only way he could have been fired was if he was purposeful in his actions!"

The report was released. I read the entire thing.

Crap.

The Present

I'm at my kitchen table right now listening to the rain outside. It seems fitting that it's raining a lot.

I can't understand why this happened. All the years I've been a Baylor fan (a paltry 6), I've defended the character of our football coach. Someone who stood above the rest because he knew how to have fun while also being disciplined. Someone who would never put football above the law. Other schools had recruits tweeting pictures with stacks of bills. Other schools you knew had rampant recruiting violations as well as who knows what else. The worst I could fault our school for was for recruiting a few thugs, and they often were handled when they acted up.

All I can think of is the pain those victims went through, having their university shame them for being a victim. And for those who were victims to the actions of an athlete, having their case shuffled away in favor of a player's eligibility. All those victories this program saw the past few years seem to pale in comparison to the costs. I truly hope those victims find the justice and peace that they deserve.

And as I think about them, all I can do is turn around and ask...

Why, Briles?

Why did you let this happen under your watch?

Yes, the university had plenty of faults of their own, and you don't bear 100% of the blame. But I really am curious to know what you were thinking to allow this to happen.

Even now, my heart is still trying to justify this. Surely, Briles didn't know. Surely, this was out of his view.

But my mind knows...it's over.

So why'd you allow it, Briles? Why'd you have to go and prove us wrong? We all saw you as the good ol' boy from Stephensville, TX, who kept a level head. Someone who we trusted to do the right thing always, even at the sacrifice of a couple of wins. There's always next season, right?

Did you not think this would ever come to light?

Did you think the victims would never speak up?

Why did you continue to lie to us even as things started to spiral out of control?

I still don't think you're a malicious man. I still believe you feel a sense of guilt and dread about this, that a couple of bad decisions were strung together until it was spun out of your control. I refuse to believe that you actively were trying to cover up these issues and that everything happened out of your sight.

But that doesn't justify what happened because it's still your responsibility.

I'm disappointed. I'm angry. Sexual assault is not a joke; it has robbed many of their physical. emotional, and spiritual health. And to think that you allowed a way for players to get around the consequences of their actions is inexcusable.

I want things to be set right at my university. If this that the man who turned zeros to heroes...

...that the man who ushered in a new era at Baylor

...that the man who paved the way for Baylor to be put back on the map

...that the man that every Baylor fan could unite around

...that the man who was probably going to have his name on the stadium after he retired

...has to go, then so be it. I'm sorry you made the decisions you did. And I'm sorry I was naive enough to think you could do no wrong.

The Future

My future is questionable. I've got a month left to finish a thesis I'm working on. I don't know if I'll have a job when I graduate. I've got a long distance relationship going...and who knows how that'll turn out.

Fitting that I entered a hopeful university as a hopeful freshman, only to leave an unsure university as an unsure grad student.

But in the short-term, one thing is clear: Baylor needs to fix this issue at whatever cost. Forget success in athletics, forget pandering to the media...Baylor needs to be 100% honest and active in rebuilding the flawed system that so many have fallen victim to. If that means the next 10 seasons are 0-12, then so it goes. I'd rather have that than people continue to be hurt by a system that puts success in athletics over justice.

I praise Baylor Nation for being understanding in this hurtful time. We could be picketing the Board of Regents for their decision. We could be lambasting the university for ousting the guy who was better than Grant Teaff. But we're not because we know this is the right thing to do.

Things will probably get worse before they get better. I expect most of the football staff to be out by the end of this upcoming season. I expect a lot of recruits to decommit. I expect our rivals in Fort Worth, Austin, Lubbock, etc., to hold this over our heads for years to come.

[Side Note: I spent some time going through the other SBNation blogs for the other Big XII schools. I want to give a shout out to the people over at Frogs O' War for being compassionate and understanding during this time of vulnerability. You may be our biggest rivals, but that also means we share a deep respect for each other. And I greatly appreciate that.]

I hope one day Baylor will pull itself out of this mess. We were just done licking the wounds from David Bliss, only to have a huge punch to the gut with Art Briles. I hope that Baylor doesn't fade to irrelevance and that this golden era ushered in by the football program will continue to shine brightly in other areas, such as research and academics.

But for now, we wait. The storm is here, and all we can do is wait for it to pass. It's hard watching Baylor's name get dragged through the mud time and time again, but it's probably a good thing that it happens. Not only does it keep us humble and accountable, but it also shows we're willing to go through the fire to do things right. The university didn't have to investigate these claims. They could've kept Pandora's box closed and just hoped everyone forgot. But we didn't because we're better than that.

And for that, I respect the decisions Baylor makes, no matter how hard they may be.

So what do we do as fans? We could protest. We could stop going to games. We could attack our university for being so negligent.

Or we can unite and get through this together. Recognize that Baylor has its faults, praise the university for doing the right thing, and continue to go to the games and support our teams even if we are getting our butts handed to us. By showing the university that, yes, we stand by the calls they made and will not waver in our support will encourage them to clean out the scum elsewhere. To set a model of a clean athletics program that will send shockwaves through the college athletics scene.

I'd rather be known for that than how many national championships we won.

Sic 'Em Forever.