Apparently no one bought his Louis Armstrong impersonation … Dave Unze of the St. Cloud Times reports: “St. Cloud police are investigating a Monticello man who claimed to be Pink Floyd band member David Gilmour while racking up a care bill as high as $100,000 at St. Cloud Hospital. The man even signed an autograph for a hospital employee’s son before he was arrested by St. Cloud police. No charges have been filed against Phillip Michael Schaeffer, 53, who was booked April 24 at the Stearns County Jail for investigation of felony theft by swindle. Schaeffer came to St. Cloud Hospital on April 20 for treatment and gave the name David Gilmour when he checked in, according to St. Cloud police. He claimed to not have any health insurance and was treated and released. After he left, hospital employees had suspicions that he wasn’t really the Pink Floyd singer-guitarist.”

Well, he’ll now have a chance to break the May speed record for snowmobiles on public streets … Emily Gurnon of the PiPress writes: “A 19-year-old St. Paul man was cited April 19 for driving a snowmobile on city streets, according to a written citation filed in Ramsey County District Court. An officer noticed John Wesley Dornfeld traveling at a ‘high rate of speed’ at Phalen Boulevard and East Earl Street in St. Paul at 1:30 p.m., said the citation, filed Tuesday, April 30. Snowfall measured 7.2 inches at the Twin Cities International Airport through that morning, according to the state climatology office. Dornfeld rode on until the officer stopped him at Ross Avenue and Frank Street. He was riding on sidewalks and the boulevard and ‘tore up grass in several areas.’ Dornfeld ‘stated he was fixing it and needed to run (it) fast,’ the citation said.” Poor kid, he was probably just trying to get to Florida.

A near party-line vote … The AP reports: “A Minnesota Senate committee has rejected a proposal to protect trout streams from the potential impacts of silica sand mining. The measure was defeated on a mostly party-line vote Tuesday, May 1, with Republicans and two Iron Range DFLers opposed … Peder Larson of the Minnesota Industrial Sand Council testified the requirement would essentially prevent sand mining in southeastern Minnesota. ‘I’ve had a chance to talk with one of our consultants over the interim here, and she said it’s pretty darn hard to find a place in large parts of Minnesota that aren’t a mile from a spring where there might be sand.’ “

The state’s computer-testing service failures have required the education commissioner to give school districts more time. Christopher Magan of the PiPress writes: “Minnesota’s education chief has decided to give schools more time to complete state proficiency tests after students experienced problems with the new online system. Education commissioner Brenda Cassellius announced in a Wednesday, May 1, memo to school administrators that the department was extending the testing window so all students can complete the Minnesota Comprehensive Assessment, or MCAs. The memo gives no deadline when testing must be completed. Testing was to have been finished by May 17. Schools across the state have experienced slowness and other problems with the online testing portal provided by vendor American Institutes for Research, or AIR. AIR has a three-year, $61 million contract to provide several tests to students across the state, including the MCAs.” The contract with AIR has “make good” or “giveback” clauses, right?

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Apologies to Strib columnist Jon Tevlin for forgetting to link to his Tuesday piece having at Ted Mondale. Said Tevlin, if you missed it: “Last week Ted Mondale struck a deal with the receiver in the Tom Petters Ponzi scheme to pay back $50,000 of a $150,000 personal loan Petters gave him in 2005. The ‘clawback’ was based on the notion that people shouldn’t profit from a crime, whether they knew about it at the time or not. Mondale, as executive director of the Minnesota Sports Facilities Authority, was also one of the people who thought, or at least promoted, the faulty idea that electronic pulltabs would generate more than $30 million toward the state’s share of Vikings stadium costs. So, let me see if I have this right: The guy who can’t repay a loan that turned out to be funny money is now running an agency that can’t pay for a new stadium because it relied on funny e-tab estimates? … During testimony in his trial, Petters said that he used the Mondale name to solidify his company’s reputation.” Tell me this isn’t a rich story?

Christie Smythe at Bloomberg reports: “Three men charged with supporting the Somali terrorist group al-Shabaab had ties to two suicide bombers from Minnesota, the U.S. said. The three defendants were ‘closely associated’ with Farah Mohamed Beledi, a suicide bomber from Minnesota who participated in a 2011 Somalia attack, prosecutors said in a letter filed today in federal court in Brooklyn, New York. Another bomber from Minnesota, Shirwa Ahmed, took part in a series of simultaneous 2008 attacks discussed by two of the defendants in detail during intercepted communications, prosecutors said in the filing. Beledi and Shirwa Ahmed were U.S. citizens, according to the document.”

Do you think … ? Dan Gunderson of MPR writes: “As the Red River in Fargo-Moorhead crests Wednesday at levels well-below what was forecast last week, local leaders are turning their attention to permanent flood protection. Fargo-Moorhead leaders met Wednesday morning with the Army Corps of Engineers, and U.S. Sens. John Hoeven and Amy Klobuchar to discuss a proposed $1.8 billion Red River diversion project. Klobuchar said this year’s flood was much lower than expected, but the cities still had to spend time and money preparing. ‘We just can’t keep living like this every year,’ Klobuchar said.” Now, if we were talking a giant $700 million bridge with land development possibilities …

Uh … what she meant to say … Aaron Rupar at City Pages reports on an apparently excited sports reporter before last night’s Wild-Blackhawks play-off game: “CSN reporter Susannah Collins apparently had sex on the mind, or at least floating through her subconscious. That’s because her attempt to say ‘The Blackhawks had a tremendous amount of success during the regular season’ came out of her mouth as follows: ‘The Blackhawks had a tremendous amount of sex this regular season.’ Oops!” But then, maybe they did …