Kirk Hammett and James Hetfield aren't urinating in this picture, but let's just pretend they are. (Photo: Kevin Winter/Getty)

Sad but true, some people are simply hardwired to self-destruct. While judgements of such jump-in-the-fire behavior can sometimes lie in the eye of the beholder, other instances are clear cases of folks just wanting to cause themselves grief, like a moth into flame. Take Daniel Daddio, a 44-year-old Arizona man, as one example of this kind of bad seed. Metalsucks reports the fan of head-banging was at a Metallica concert this past Friday, August 4, at the University of Phoenix stadium. No word whether he was drinking whiskey from a jar, that sweet amber known as lager, or some kind of monster liquid we don’t yet know the name of, but at some point, his bladder came to the end of the line. Capitulating to the battle within, he decided to take a piss, and at that point, nothing else mattered, not even the fact there was a family right in his line of fire.


Apparently, the family of three—which included a 10-year-old girl, proving definitively there was a god that failed in his duty that evening—were enjoying the show, when suddenly they felt “warm liquid washing over their backs and legs,” generating the unnamed feeling that can only come from slowly realizing someone is peeing all over you. They turned around, the creeping horror growing, only to be confronted by the sight of Daddio (“Uh oh, Daddio,” someone presumably said), dick in hand, relieving himself upon them. Doubtless they assumed this was a day that would never come, but Daddio, a hero of the day in his own (“heavily intoxicated,” as per the police report) mind, reportedly just shrugged. Carpe diem, baby.

The judge called Daddio’s actions “really inappropriate,” implying he will remain unforgiven for the foreseeable future. While this notoriety will likely follow Daddio wherever he may roam, as he seeks and destroys future non-urine-soaked families, he probably doesn’t remember it too well, whereas for those three unfortunate individuals, the memory remains. “I disappear,” Daddio probably said as he exited the courtroom, the outlaw torn between a “poor twisted me” mentality and a holier than thou feeling that he was now invincible, there being nothing left to shame him. Fade to black.