Once a week, Daily Intel takes a peek behind doors left slightly ajar. This week, the Single Bicoastal Lesbian Smoking Lots of Weed With Two Gal Pals: Female, 39, Hollywood writer, NYC and Los Angeles, Single, Lesbian.



DAY ONE

11 a.m. Hollywood Hills, Los Angeles. I just got back to L.A. last night. I wake up with a wonderful idea: I’ll take Lady Gucci, a boutique owner, friend to The Stars, and groovy New York Jewish chick, to brunch and then go to the Happy Medical Clinic to get her a medical marijuana ID card. Then we’ll go shopping for weed. We didn’t know each other when we were growing up attending separate New York private schools, but have connected since I moved to L.A. five months ago. By the second week, we were hooking up regularly but are not in a relationship.

2 p.m. Have brunch. Buy brownies, cookies, Rice Krispies treats, chocolate bars, lollipops, and an eighth of marijuana.

9 p.m. Spend most of the evening and night eating our goodies.

Midnight We have sex in the dark. “You smell like weed and p—y,” she says. I reintroduce her to my Purple Friend (a purple dildo and harness, because I didn’t want to have to commit to a lifelike one). It’s been two weeks since I’ve last seen her, when she happened to be in New York on business. She’s so affectionate during sex, which is interesting since when I was home she went into my YouTube account and saw I had posted a recent video of me and my ex, 25-Year-Old Lovely. I wrote her an e-mail explaining that I was hanging out with 25-Year-Old Lovely, even slept in the same bed as her a few times, but I had not had sex with her. Lady Gucci wrote back, “Whatever. It’s your business not mine. We are not dating or together.” Maybe so, but in my mind we’re having fun and after five months of consistent sex, we’re at least in a sexual relationship. Last night, I ate her out for a long time then rubbed Astroglide all over and fingered her until she begged me to stick my whole hand in. I slid my whole fist into her and she ejaculated all over me. That was hot! Tonight Purple Friend slides easily in and out of her, and I alternate between thrusting hard and soft. She comes.

DAY TWO

2:45 p.m. Donate clothes to Out of the Closet and buy a new suitcase to bring back to New York. I’m leaving L.A., which includes leaving Lady Gucci.

8 p.m. Traditionally Monday night is taco night for me and Lady Gucci at Malo on Sunset, but she comes home tired and doesn’t want to go out. Instead she makes me a delicious mixed salad (she does not cook, in general, so this is special) and we enjoy more of our pot treats. We end the night with our Purple Friend and her coming hard. This time we do it with the lights on.

DAY THREE

11 a.m. Today’s my last day with Lady Gucci. I’m headed back to New York tonight on the red-eye. I spent the morning running errands and am now back in time for her to wake up.

12:30 p.m. We spend the morning at the Hollywood Reservoir. I jog three miles; she rides her bike for six miles. We return home sweaty, shower, and have sex for the last time with Purple Friend. I have no idea when I’ll see her again. She was complaining last night about how she has to spend the holidays alone because she works in retail in L.A. and her family’s on the East Coast. I offered to spend New Year’s with her to which she replied, “I don’t even know what I’m doing next week. I can’t plan two months ahead.” I thought it was a nice suggestion, but she’s always shooting me down. When we first started dating five months ago, we were quickly falling in love, but that began to change as she started to reconsider what she was doing with me. Technically, she’s straight, but she did date a woman for a number of years. The woman she dated was pretty much closeted so their relationship was as well. Me … I’m a total dyke. I look gay! I’ve been told repeatedly that I look like Lenny Kravitz. What a compliment! You can’t get much hotter than that! As a result of Lady Gucci questioning our relationship and saying she wanted to date men, we are not officially dating, we are just having sex with no strings, officially, at least. Now we’re about to be in a long distance something … not sure what to expect. Looking forward to seeing the 25-Year-Old Lovely but I’m sad to leave Lady Gucci. I’ve become very fond of her and I’m wildly attracted to her. I will miss her and will spend our time apart not showing her how much I do.

1 p.m. I give her a kiss as she’s getting dressed to go to the boutique. Seems easier to say goodbye with me leaving for some reason. She says she’ll see me soon. If I had my way I’d come back in a month’s time, but I don’t want to push it. I love her. When I was in New York with her, I was lying in bed with her one early morning, kissing her back, and I couldn’t help myself and whispered,”I love you.”

6 p.m. Leave a note in her medicine cabinet: “I had a wonderful weekend. Thank you for your generosity and hospitality. I hope to see you sooner than later. West Coast or East Coast. Either would be fun. I love you.”

DAY FOUR

5:45 a.m. Just landed in New York. First text message is to Lady Gucci: “In New York. Miss you already.” Next text goes to 25-Year-Old Lovely: “I’m back! Can I come over tonight?” I hate being single, although I’m very good at it. I juggle women, my time, and my sex acts, but I prefer to belong to one woman. Oh well. I guess I’ll just be messing around for now.

9 a.m. I’m staying at my parents’ house because my placed is being rented out through November. Walk in the house, go directly to the guest room, make the bed, climb in, and immediately begin touching myself and thinking of Lady Gucci and using Purple Friend on her. Enjoyable, but I’m too tired to come.

8:30 p.m. Waiting for 25-Year-Old Lovely. I have a hash candy bar, two chocolate nut treats, and a gram of hash to share. I hope she likes them. It’s going to be nice to see her.

9 p.m. 25-Year-Old Lovely and I like to watch Modern Family together and tonight is the night. She has weed; I brought hash. I roll and we smoke and eat chocolate. We watch TV, playfully flirting like teenagers. “I bet you get so much ass because of that tattoo!” she yelps at one point. We got matching tattoos right before I moved to L.A. They read “one four three.” Stands for I love you.

1:01 a.m. Receive a text from my ex Nina, a picture of me kissing her on the cheek. I post it on my Facebook page immediately. We hung out a few weeks ago when we took the picture. We were girlfriends briefly last summer. She says it was for nine days; I know it was for five. Last summer I was feeling horny so I went on Craigslist and a woman posted a picture of her naked body and I responded. We e-mailed back and forth a few times. The next day we decided to meet and when I saw her she looked familiar. At one point I asked, “Have we dated before?” Turns out we didn’t date but we used to hang out a few years ago. (I didn’t recognize her because her hair is different.) I met her because she was a bartender at a bar I liked to go to. We became close friends and always hung out very late at night after she finished her shift. The attraction was intense and we were falling in love but we never pursued it. My girlfriend was a very jealous woman and found out I had this friend and began to call Nina often. As a result, Nina decided to end ties with me and we stopped being friends. Now, we see each other every once in a while, and often that leads to sex.

DAY FIVE

8 a.m. 25-Year-Old Lovely calls to ask me what I posted on my Facebook page. Me and 25-Year-Old Lovely are not actually Facebook friends. Back when I was just friends with Lady Gucci, 25-Year-Old Lovely got jealous and defriended me. Now she’s asking what I posted on my page that has her friends, who I am Facebook friends with, calling her. I posted on my Facebook page: “for those unaware ~ I AM SINGLE!!! I don’t need permission from an ex girlfriend to post things on my page … Thanks!”

11 p.m. Go to 25-Year-Old Lovely’s home. She’s gotten over the Facebook thing. We smoke weed and flirt but that’s it. I sleep over.

DAY SIX

5:30 a.m. Wake up to 25-Year-Old Lovely going down on me. It’s been a long time since I’ve been eaten out. I’m not used to it because, frankly, when I sleep with women, I do all of the work. It feels good.

Noon 25-Year-Old Lovely and I decide to spend the day together. While she’s in the guest room, she notices that Purple Friend is in my suitcase. She asks why I’m traveling with it. I talk my way out of it and am surprised that she doesn’t figure it out. I know she hasn’t because if she had, she’d be sitting here crying.

10 p.m. The Black House is a townhouse in Harlem that several models plus a few designers and stylists live in. It’s a few blocks from my parents’ home. 25-Year-Old Lovely invites me to hang out there with her and her friends. We arrive, she quickly gets drunk and falls asleep on the couch. Eventually, since nothing else is going on, I take 25-Year-Old Lovely home and for some reason, she’s crying. I don’t know why and I don’t ask. I put her to bed and go home.

DAY SEVEN

12:30 a.m. Walked in the house a few minutes ago. I hear a knock on the window. It’s 25-Year-Old Lovely, crying hysterically. She doesn’t know why, she’s just so upset. I ask her to come inside. She doesn’t want to. I ask her to sit on the stoop with me. She tells me to leave her alone. I tell her that clearly she wanted to be with me or she wouldn’t have come over, and I’d walk her home. She said no. After an hour I convince her to get in a cab and she goes home.

2:30 p.m. Get an apology text from 25-Year-Old Lovely. I needed to hear that.

8:1o p.m. Babysit 3-year-old nephew. He asks several times, “When are we going to see 25-Year-Old Lovely?” I text and call and she finally showed up an hour ago. We hug long and hard in my parents’ courtyard. She’s hanging in the Black House tonight, drinking with friends. I ask her to call me later; maybe I’ll roll through. I walk her a few blocks, buy four nickel-bags of weed and give her one. She’s appreciative. We part smiling. I don’t wind up seeing her late.

TOTALS: Three acts of sex with dildo and harness; one fisting (given); one act of oral sex; one act of oral sex given; one act of masturbation without orgasm.