Do you feel unfairly treated? Does it feel like you’re putting up a mask around some people only to act “appropriate” and be accepted? Do you feel almost forced to try and please someone? Are you tired of dealing with toxic people? If that’s you, please keep reading.

I know toxic people mainly because I’ve grown up with them, read about them and have even (unfortunately) acted toxic to others in the past. I’ve luckily realized a lot of things since then and today I’ve also managed to get rid of most of the toxic people in my life.

Certain people can be extremely toxic to you and your wellbeing. I think you already know which kind of people I’m talking about but just to clarify I will mention some of the qualities a toxic person typically has that annoys the heck out of you.

Controlling – A constant nagging and telling you what you can do and what you can’t do, because they think they know better than you and they expect you to follow without any discussion. Selfish – When having a conversation with you, it’s almost like you don’t even exist because they aren’t interested in your life or anything you have to say for that matter, they only want to talk about themselves. Their lives are more interesting than yours, they know more things than you and they love talking about themselves. If you would try to tell them something about yourself or simply share something you read they will instantly make fun of what you say and then quickly change the topic. Rude – You speak kindly and show love towards a toxic person and they in return show rudeness. Let’s say you called to say hello, they in return tell you to call back later without any good explanation what so ever. You go to meet them, they decide what time you meet and without hesitation they’ll tell you when it’s time for you to leave. You leave feeling almost insulted and left wondering why you even bothered to come. Mentoring – That may sound like a positive quality but not when it comes to a toxic person. A toxic person will tell you how to do things, how you should’ve done things better, or worse, how you should’ve listened to them in the past. If you’re doing something great, they won’t bother to be happy for you, instead they will say “I told you that you should’ve done that a long time ago”. Or they might say “ya, that’s good but you should complete so and so before celebrating”. Judgement – Not much to say here except that a toxic person is very judgmental about you and everybody else. They have a say and an opinion about everything and everyone and most likely it’s just negative, tearing down criticism. Refuses to talk about feelings or difficult conversations – This is a big one. Never will a toxic person sit down to talk about their feelings or yours. They will instead end the conversation, change the topic or say that they are busy. Toxic person will do anything to avoid feeling uncomfortable which leads me to the last point I want to add about a toxic person. A toxic person never says I’m sorry – “What was that? You want me to apologize? But I’ve never done a bad thing to you in my life!” And that’s how it goes because a toxic person isn’t mature enough to apologize for their actions or words that hurt others. Taking responsibility for what you feel, say and do is what a toxic person wants to avoid. Instead they’ll blame you for their own faults!

One annoying way after the other, it just goes on and on with these kind of people. I’m not going to get into why toxic people act this way and for the time being I don’t really care either. What I do care about is you. I care if you’re a victim to the abuse that comes from having to deal with toxic people.

And that’s why I’m writing this article. I’m hoping it can help you understand some things which I wish someone had told me long ago. This article also acts as a reminder to me because I still make the mistake of RE-inviting toxic people into my life thinking they might have changed. But when I meet them I realize they are still the same, but I’m not. And when it comes to family I think it gets harder somehow because we so badly want those relationships to work but the reality is, sometimes they just don’t. And we have to be ok with that somehow.

Here are some pointers for you and I sincerely hope this will help you deal with toxic people or if you’re brave enough help you eliminate them from your life altogether.

Never believe the crap they talk about you. Don’t ever think that you’re not good enough, unimportant or not worthy of love, support and attention. Don’t for a second believe any form of criticism and nasty words a toxic person throws at you. The crap they throw at you (and others) belongs to them and them only. Don’t make their day by taking it personally. Toxic people make you feel drained and exhausted, even if you’re just meeting them for a short while as an example. If you do happen to get hurt anyway, self soothe. Yes this does unfortunately happen because it isn’t easy when a person you have certain expectations from don’t fulfill any of your expectations. When you feel pissed off or sad and hurt you should let yourself feel that for a while. Don’t stuff it down and try to act “normal”. It’s ok if you’re angry and hurt its normal when you deal with a toxic person. So allow yourself to feel it, cry if you feel like it and afterwards drink some water and just take care of yourself like you would a crying baby. Get all toxic people out of your life with the only exception being the ones that are willing to change. I know that might sound a bit extreme but isn’t it also extreme and hurtful to let yourself suffer by their abuse? You need to think about your wellbeing not theirs. And if you are suffering and hurting because of what they do and say, then you need to save yourself by letting them go. If that feels impossible right now, then at least consider reducing the amount of time you spend with a toxic person.



With the ones that are willing to change I mean a person who has not only admitted that they need to change their ways but also someone who has booked the appointment at the psychologist or who sits and reads (about how to stop being toxic as an example) every single day to show you that they are serious about changing. They also need to show you that they’re using what they are learning with you, otherwise what’s the damn point? Unfortunately though, these situations are quite rare and if you’re in a abusive relationship you need to get out and get yourself some place safe and away from the toxic person. Get a perspective. Be around people who lift your spirit, who believe in you and your abilities, who truly care about your wellbeing and who loves you. Sometimes by comparing how you feel around these people and toxic, you get a very good perspective on things. When you know that you can feel great around people who support you, you might realize that you don’t need the toxic ones who bring you down and don’t care about your wellbeing, happiness or you. Don’t feel guilty if you decide to remove toxic people from your life. They will give you guilt for leaving or asking them to leave. It might be through messages or calls or maybe even visiting your home and letting you know what an awful person you are for leaving. I would suggest you block the person altogether and if you meet them, tell them to leave you alone and that whatever their trying to do isn’t working. If you’re dealing with a person who doesn’t get it and is stalking you, talk to the authorities like the police. Don’t defend yourself. You don’t have to defend yourself based on what they blame you for. Stop the game they’re trying to make you play by clearly telling them what you’ll stand for and what you won’t stand for. Tell them you will not involve yourself in hours of having to explain and defend yourself. If there’s something that upset them, they should tell you clearly and that’s that. Not play the blame game, silent treatment or other manipulative techniques which drives you crazy.

As a final word I just want to say this. The person who really loves you is the one who’s there for you when you’re sad and happy, angry and frustrated. The one who loves you is the one that love and support you, loves to be with you and who considers it a pleasure to have you in their lives. The person who loves you won’t be perfect, they will fight with you, bug you and be difficult at times but they also know how to apologize and make things right again. They won’t leave you or threaten to leave you. And if you’re hurt, they care, because they don’t like seeing you hurt. The one who loves you isn’t going to test your every limit, judge and control you, not care what you have to say or what you feel. So please for your own sake, with this article or any other help you can get, identify the person/people who are wrong for you and let go of them. Then you can bring in and make space for the person/people who are right for you and yes there are many of them, it just takes some time to find them.

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Choose to be happy,