DES MOINES, IA—Skyrocketing in visibility mere hours after launching his bid for the White House, former Massachusetts governor Deval Patrick reportedly acquired high favorability numbers and good Iowa polling Thursday after a leveraged buyout of Pete Buttigieg’s campaign. “We’re proud to announce that we have reached a debt-based deal with the Buttigieg campaign to bring their considerable war chest and great polling numbers into our fo ld,” said campaign spokesman Greg Ryans, adding that the reported $250 million buyout “perfectly aligned” with the Patrick campaign’s vision of attaining high polling in early caucus states, rapidly accelerating grassroots organization, and widening its donation base before the end of Q4. “Sadly, we did have to lay off 30% of the Buttigieg campaign due to redundancies, including Pete himself. But we were impressed enough to keep on Chasten Buttigieg in his current role at campaign rallies. With the assets from liquidating Amy Klobuchar’s campaign, we’re easily on track to be a presidential frontrunner by early 2020.” Ryans also noted that the Patrick campaign would strategically shed the gay rights plank of Buttigieg’s platforms after it proved distasteful to potential campaign investors.

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