Eating out a butt can seem daunting, but it’s one of the most intimate and sensual sex acts you can do with your partner. It’s also super delicious because butts taste amazing and are so good in your mouth, Once you chomp down on your first yum yum butt, you’ll want to keep on chomping until all the butts are gone. If you’re new to booty munching, don’t worry, here’s how to eat so much ass until all the butts in the world are gone and all we have left is the memory of them.

Drink Water To Make Your Tummy Bigger

Wondering how you’re going to fit all those butts in your tiny tum? Don’t worry, we’ll make sure we fit ’em in there real tight! Prep your tummy over the course of a month by drinking tons of water. Your newly distended stomach will be so big it will fit thousands of asses. Plan to consume 85 big butts at breakfast, 115 medium sized donks at lunch and dinner, and 15 butt cheeks throughout the day as snacks. Follow this plan, and you’ll finish eating all the bummies in the country in like, five plus years! Goodbye, junk in the trunk!! And goodbye trunks all together! We’ll all be smart cars soon!

Eat Sooooo Fast For Sooooo Long

This method requires little planning and lots of confidence. Set your table for one, put out some nice wine and invite a million butt-owning friends over. Offer them an aperitif, then just eat their tushes soooo fast for as longgggg as you can. “Yummy yummy butts!” you’ll say between bites. You can take breaks to catch up with them about work and stuff if you want, but don’t take that long of breaks. Never forget there are SOOO MANY BADONKADONKS, and SOOO LITTLE TIME!!!

Do It For Your Granddaughter

Don’t you want your granddaughter to walk down the street without anyone ever catcalling her?? Give her the gift of no butt, by eating everyone else’s so she can’t be born. Someday your granddaughter may ask, “How do I poop?” You’ll say, “I don’t know sweetheart, because I ate all the buttholes, and now everyone kinda holds in their shit and it hurts so much!!” She’ll high-five you, then implode cause of the shit she can’t shit out and also because she shouldn’t exist in the first place. Remember, you altered evolution and changed the course of history! Celebrate your feminist activism and SHAKE THAT MONEY MAKER ­– the gory open wound where your ass used to be because, yes, you even ate your own ass!

Congratulations! You’re a hungry little sex goddess who just ate every butt in the world! Pat yourself on the back, but be gentle, it’s pretty raw down there.