PALO ALTO – Tesla will begin producing a new generation of automobiles that are powered by “abundant and free energy from the ground,” CEO Elon Musk announced today. The so-called “internal combustion engines” at the heart of the vehicle can go “further and faster than electric, and will be able to be recharged in as little as two minutes.” While access to the free energy source would be limited to the world’s most corrupt and violent governments, and Norway, Musk was confident no problems would come out of that.

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