Noel's back with his award winning tales from the road. Here's the first of many... Enjoy!



Tales From The Middle Of Nowhere Vol 3: The Good, The Bad And The Bubbly:



Yes Mods And Rockers.

How long has it been...3...4 years? Too long? Not long enough? I'd say just about right myself.

Time to top up the air miles, clear the throat and get on your dancing feet we are of course back at the coal face...earning a crust, same firm, same venues, different songs (even though 'some of the chords are the same' Ha-ha!! Fuck you shitty Empire!!). That "new" album of mine is well over a year old to me now so it will be interesting to see what people make of it (thanks for buying it by the way...if you have already!). Must say its gone down spectacularly well so far. Starting off in such huge venues was always gonna be a bit of a Titus Bramble, but it's paid off so far. Most people have been commenting after the shows about how spectacular the "show" is which is slightly frustrating (as I never get to see it ) and a blessing at the same time as it keeps the focus off me.



So Belfast... for a first attempt I thought it was fucking good. Bit shaky in places, mostly me I might add, but all things considered a good away win. It goes without saying but of course should not get left unsaid that the crowd were bang up for it. Really special atmosphere in the room, so much so it was quite difficult to concentrate on what I was supposed to be doing and not just stand back and let them take over. I fear in places I may have lost that battle!! I suppose it beats the shit out of indifference though eh? Nice to see a few inevitably familiar faces down the front...from all over the world! Some lad had a banner down the front that read: HEAR COMES GALLAGHER THE BISCUIT! Clearly this lad was high when he'd put pen to cardboard on that!

I have no idea what it meant, I did ask him to try and get to the bottom of it, but I'm afraid his accent got the better of me so I gave up.



The set list as we speak has changed 18 times now since the start of rehearsals. It's not like me to have not nailed it months ago...I've become a fiddler! I fucking HATE fiddlers...unless it's a drunk Irish man in a bar full of Guinness fiddling as if his life depended on it! I think it's because I've got SO MANY GREAT FUCKING SONGS that I'm struggling with what NOT to play. I'm sure I'll get there in the end though...somewhere in Taiwan in 2017 no doubt!?

Packing a suitcase for a 3 week tour with a fucking DISGRACEFUL hangover is not to be recommended...I know this now... The night before the morning I came away me and Iree Nancy went out, and didn't make it in 'til gone 6:00...(fucking excellent night btw!).



I open my suitcase to find I'd packed it like a novice...like 13 pairs of cords (which I have no intention of wearing) 4 pairs of trainers (I don't even wear trainers...especially on stage!), the most ridiculous array of t-shirts that quite frankly a man should never be seen in and...( and this is the fucking killer...) NO LEATHER JACKETS...NOT ONE!!! The first time in 25 years I've been on the road without a leather jacket! Unforgivable shit that...I was in a fury...I sent myself a rather snippy email AND a shouty text...SEE ME IN MY HOT TUB YOU CUNT!!!! I sat myself down and we talked it through...like adults admittedly...no raised voices...at first we understandably blamed each other but in the end we both knew that it was I that was in the wrong and could blame no-one else but myself (although Nancy's name did come into it at one point!). You find me now on my final warning. One more gaff like that and I've been told in no uncertain terms that I'm off the tour...Bang...Gone.

The atmosphere in my dressing room is a bit frosty but we're working our way through it.

They say time is a great healer and for the sake of everyone (you included!) let's hope that's true.



Anyway, Dublin, as you well know one my mostest bestest places on earth.

In a way it's great to kick things off in Ireland...In another way you kind of wish you'd arrive 6 weeks into a tour...I'm only operating at 75% myself see (had a cold for about 4 weeks now and I cannot shift it!) but as always the Irish dug me out of a hole. What a night!

The Biggest Guns Ireland has to offer had flown in from their own rehearsals in France, just for the night, to have a nosy and see what was being said and of course to talk turkey and generally misbehave and celebrate...well I'm not sure...but celebrate we did... not as hard as my bass player-the right honourable Jah-Rusta-Fari-Russell Pritchard, who I think got his end of tour party going early. "IZ FUCKIN'DARE THE EDGE LAD...GOT ANY CHAMPERS?!?" is something you don't here shouted very often (I would hazard a guess neither does The Edge lad!).

Iree Nancy got the night off to the best of starts by arriving with my eldest AND TWO leather jackets! First crisis of the tour overcome...the black stuff went down and down and down until we simply HAD to leave... Ireland, the land of my fathers, I love you very much. You haven't seen the last of me...not by a long shot...be good...and if you can't be good... be Bono!!



Arrived at East Midlands airport late last night to be met by 2 young coppers...one which says..."Evening sir can you just come this way please..round the side of the van please (a police van!)...Erm is it ok if we get a quick picture?"

GD:"Yeah 'course man.."

PC:"Shall we do it up against the back of the van for a laugh...?"

GD:"Sorry...?"

PC:"Don't worry, we won't tazer you!"

GD:"What?"

PC:"Tazer you...we WON'T tazer you?"

GD:"What..?!?!?!"

PC:"Can we JUST GET a quick picture?"

GD:"YEEEEESSSSS!!!!!"

2nd PC:"Sorry mate..he's a bit star struck"

GD:"...I'm kind of hungover...and in a rush so....."

You find me un-tazered on a golf course in Derbyshire.

About to get ready for the show tonight in Nottingham...if you're coming check out the visuals apparently they're AWESOME!



ONWARDS.



(PS) Today I have been mostly listening to Lying in the Sun by Koushik