Donald Trump Uses 20 Sided Die To Decide How Many ‘Angry Democrats’ To Blame For Mueller Probe

Washington (The Plebian): According to White House aides, President Trump uses a 20 sided die, colloquially known as a D20, as a way of deciding how many democrats to blame for the Mueller probe. On Tuesday morning President Trump Tweeted out that 17 angry democrats were responsible for the Mueller probe, up from the 13 that Trump rolled last month.

“Trump views the die sort of like a Magic 8-Ball,” one aide said to the Plebian. “If anyone tells him that Mueller and Rosenstein are republicans he simply points to the die and asks ‘Then why did the magic die tell me otherwise.’“

Mike Pence was reportedly disturbed by the presence of the D20 because he views it as a pagan object. “If I wanted unholy rituals in the White House I would have voted for that witch Hillary Clinton,” Mr. Pence Said.