Stacey Dash

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There is a little-known technique in some areas of psychology called “puppet therapy,” whereby patients use dolls or puppets to express emotions and points of view that they are uncomfortable saying themselves. The puppet becomes a de facto voice for people to vent their feelings freely and release their true thoughts because, after all … they’re not saying it … it’s the doll.


Slick-thinking media operatives adopted this technique a few years ago. And there have always been black marionettes willing to be the mouthpiece for anti-black elements embedded within the power structure.

Stacey Dash—the bronzed-skinned backwash from the conservative spit cup—resurfaced Thursday to chime in on Jesse Williams' BET Awards speech, calling him a "Hollywood plantation slave."


Dash fits in a long line of black celebrities ever so willing to contort themselves to always fit on the good side of the anti-black, conservative argument. But she's not the only one.

I know this sounds like a conspiracist's hypothesis, but ask yourself this: Do you think there is a single American who takes Don Lemon seriously as a journalist? Does he possess some irreplaceable charisma that people clamor for when he reads the teleprompter or delivers his inane commentary?

Aside from the fact that he continually twists any argument so that he can land on the opposite side of black people, as if there were a Klansman whispering into his earpiece, he seems to have no other particularly qualifying skill. OK, I’ll admit that he does pronounce words correctly, but there’s an overzealous nerd in every fifth-grade classroom in America raising his hand, begging to be chosen to read aloud, who could do that job. When the Columbia Journalism Review named Lemon the Worst Journalist of 2014, CNN renewed his contract. At this point, there is no logical argument to be made as to why he is the signature newsman on the signature news network except that network bosses want him to be the fool.

They know what he’s doing, but what’s worse is they know that we know what he is doing and they still don't care. One can only reach one conclusion: He is their puppet. Lemon is not a token, because a token represents something. I challenge anyone to find a legitimate, critical voice who thinks Lemon is a reputable journalist. So why would the network that refers to itself as “the most trusted name in news” parade him in front of the camera in prime time?


Then there's this woman: Raven-Symoné.

Every other month, Raven-Symoné opens her rooster-headed mouth to let some stupidity escape. However you feel about Whoopi Goldberg’s semi-Stepin Fetchit tendencies, at least she has a long career of standing in front of an audience that paid to hear her thoughts.


When I heard that Barbara Walters—probably the most trusted newswoman in the history of American journalism—was being replaced on The View by Olivia from The Cosby Show, I was sure that someone was trolling me. There was no way those white housewives parked in front of TVs ironing dress shirts wanted to hear a former Cheetah Girl talk about politics or culture. I’m willing to bet that if you asked average viewers of The View to tell you about Hanging With Mr. Cooper, they’d shrug their shoulders and ask if it was a documentary about a lynching in Mississippi.

Raven-Symoné has “Bojangled” so much that she makes Goldberg look like a Black Panther, and her stupidity has been talked about and discussed so much that ABC must know that she is viewed as having an IQ slightly above that of a walrus with a learning disability. Trust me, the network knows. But it keeps putting dollar bills in her pocket and broadcasting her to the world because she is so perfect a dummy, you can’t even see the Disney network’s mouth move when it wants to belt out a “jigaboo” or two. It is puppet surrogacy at its finest, and Raven-Symoné is the perfect marionette.


And let's not forget about the woman Donald Trump made.

Every other day, Omarosa Manigault pops up on a cable-news network to shimmy for Trump. She never has a valid argument because … well … she is just a lady from a reality show so desperate to hold on to fame that she is willing to attach herself to a carrot-colored racist in hopes that she can ride his coattails to the White House. I honestly hope she'll receive something for selling out so completely and fully—maybe a Cabinet post as secretary of shuck and jive.


Now, to be fair, one could try to dismantle my argument by pointing out that Don Lemon has an actual skill and résumé. You might even counterattack my theory with the fact that—however airheaded Raven-Symoné may be—she still has 20-plus years of celebrity that is its own cachet. These are all valid points, which weaken, but don’t destroy, my hypothesis.

Then we get to Stacey Dash.

If you don’t accept my theory that there are media outlets that purchase personal Amoses and Andys just to make them their race-baiting mouthpieces …


If you don’t believe that there is a certain class of black Uncle Ruckus sock puppets spewing secondhand hate for those who want to throw n-bombs and hide their hands, then tell me this:

WHAT THE HELL IS STACEY DASH DOING ON FOX NEWS???

Stacey Dash—who had one TV show and was a glorified background singer in a movie?


Stacey Dash—who was used as an airheaded prop on the Oscars because she is so ridiculously simpleminded?

Stacey Dash, who, ironically, is the definition of a "Hollywood plantation slave" because her ONLY job is to pop up and bash black people whenever they start getting "out of hand." She is ostensibly the same as the slave supervisor's assistant—the one slave the slave master entrusted to keep the other slaves "in line."


You know what no one in America was sitting at home thinking, ever, in the history of news, commentary or entertainment?

"I wonder what Stacey Dash thinks about this?"

Give me one good reason the most watched cable-news channel has her sitting down and pontificating about race. Make a substantial argument about why any producer, news director or host would say, “I know. Let’s ask Stacey Dash.” Tell me why a station that could bring on any of the 19,247 Republican candidates for president would say, “Nah. Let's get Stacey Dash instead.”


Go ahead and give me a reason. I’ll wait.

Time's up. Here is the answer:

Malice.

That’s it. It is the only logical reason. Someone at Fox News wanted to minimize the significance of a potential Oscar boycott by placing it in the category of BET and the NAACP Awards and Black History Month. You’ve heard the argument before, usually from a Klansman or a neo-Nazi skinhead, asking if White History Month would be OK or if White Entertainment TV would be acceptable. As if they didn’t already have 11 months and the other 948 channels …


And a closet full of self-hating puppets.