Crying, a Mindful Practice

The benefits of crying.

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“Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness.” — Maraboli

In my thirties, I stopped crying. No matter how stressful my life was, I couldn’t squeeze out tears. There was a lot of stress in my life. In an effort to combat all of this stress, I used my preferred coping technique from childhood — “numbing”. In my abusive childhood and adulthood, this coping technique often helped to delay depression. The delay often saved me from further abuse or the stigma of being labeled a “crazy” person.

“Numbing” stopped me from crying.

Crying is Attachment Behavior

Dr. Judith Kay Nelson, Ph.D., in her book “Seeing Through Tears: Crying and Attachment”, concludes that securely attached people are more comfortable expressing emotions and crying in normal ways while insecurely attached people cry inappropriately. A more recent study from Tilburg University found that people with “dismissive” attachment style were less likely to cry while people with “preoccupied” attachment style were more likely to cry. People with “Dismissive” attachment style are those who avoid a close relationship with others while people with “preoccupied” attachment style are those who are clingy and overly dependent on others.

In orphanages around the world, there is one distinct feature of the babies in those orphanages — silence. These babies could not cry. They had attachment issues stemming from emotional neglect.

The Science of Crying

There are three types of tears: basal tears, reflex tears and emotional tears. Basal tears are tears that keep our eyes from drying out. Reflex tears are tears that prevent our eyes from irritants. Emotional tears are tears produced as an emotional response. Scientists found that emotional tears are the only one to contain three hormones:



- Prolactin — an adaptive hormone that modulates stress response and emotional regulation.

- Adrenocorticotropic hormone — this hormone is indicative of high-stress levels.

- Leucine-enkephalin — an endorphin that reduces pain and improves mood.

In stressful situations, crying helps the body release stress related hormones. It also produces endorphins that helps us improve our mood and reduce our pain.

Crying as a Mindful Practice

My first experience of the healing benefits of crying occurred when I used to cry during my two-hour yoga sessions. This was during a particularly stressful period in my life when I experienced a toxic work environment as well as a toxic home life. My yoga sessions ended with me shedding a substantial amount of tears. Those tears rejuvenated my soul. After each of these sessions, I always felt emotionally lighter.

This was when I started to institute a crying routine. In an effort to reduce stress in my life, each week on Friday night, I set myself up to have a good crying session. I started the session by chopping onions and cooking some spicy soup. Then, I watched a dramatic TV show or a dramatic movie while eating my spicy soup. In the middle of the show, my spicy soup usually started me off with shedding some tears. Then, as the dramatic scenes progressed, I unleashed my tears fully. I turned up the volume of my crying until I literally bawled uncontrollably. Once I started to bawl, I didn’t consciously stop myself. I let my tears flow until my body naturally stopped the tears.

Once my crying was over, I relaxed. After a night’s rest, I felt rejuvenated and relieved.

Debunking the Crying Gender Myth

Science tells us that the natural healing benefits of crying are the same between both genders.

Our old preconception of “Only weak boys cry.” is wrong.

In fact, crying is prosocial behavior that allows us to attain more resilience.

Resilience makes us strong.

Boys who are not allowed to cry or show vulnerability often will retain more stress than boys who are allowed to cry. Therefore, for both genders, it is important that we release our emotions during stressful times. Along with meditation practices, both crying and laughing is essential to regulate our own emotions.