SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Saying he could barely recall anything about the inescapable aloneness of individual existence, recent liberal arts graduate Jonathan Snyder confirmed Monday that he had already forgotten roughly 90 percent of the human condition. “I’ve only been out of college for a year and a half, but I’m having a really tough time remembering the first thing about humanity’s desire for deeper meaning and purpose in all pursuits,” said Snyder, who has not once plumbed the depths of mankind’s capacity for both good and evil since receiving his degree. “When I first graduated, I could easily explore how the ultimate mysteries surrounding life and the inevitability of death torment humankind across its myriad endeavors. But I guess that’s the sort of skill you lose if you aren’t using it constantly.” Snyder went on to add that his liberal arts education wasn’t totally wasted, as he consistently remembers that God doesn’t exist.

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