DANBURY, CT—Saying she wants no part of the conversation that would inevitably result if she broke the good news, local medical billing technician Jenny Comers reported Friday that she’s keeping word of her recent pay raise from her parents out of fear of proving them right. “If I tell them about the raise, they’ll immediately attribute it to the advice they gave a while back about how being assertive and clearly stating what you want yields positive results—there’s no way I’m giving them that satisfaction,” said Comers, who earlier this week requested a one-on-one meeting with her supervisor, directly asked for a pay increase, and within a matter of minutes received a bump in her salary, a course of action she had previously dismissed as futile and “completely ridiculous” when it was proposed by her mother and father during a phone call three weeks earlier. “I’m definitely going to wait a few months before I mention it to them so it eliminates any immediate cause and effect in their minds. And when I eventually do tell them about the raise, I’ll make sure to say it was part of my annual review or something so it doesn’t sound like I just asked for one and got it, exactly like they said I would. I don’t want them getting big heads about this.” At press time, Comers was telling her parents how confronting her roommate on her bad habits had only made life in the apartment worse solely so she could relish proving them wrong.

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