Businesses panic at prospect of Chris Grayling in private sector role

UK CEOs were reported to be ‘extremely concerned’ at the prospect of Chris Grayling leaving government and joining their companies in an advisory role.

With the Minister under fire for his handling of literally everything, he would normally be expected to resign and walk into a cushy non-exec job in the private sector.

Alarm has been spreading amongst FTSE executives that their boards might be tempted to recruit Mr Grayling.

“We tend to pay ex-politicians several thousand for rocking up to three or four meetings a month,” one business leader said.

“We figure that they can’t do much damage in that timeframe.

“But then, this is Chris Grayling.”

Former Ministers are often in demand from big companies for their knowledge and expertise.

“We generally get them in because they know where the loopholes in regulations are,” the business source continued. “And they often have a direct line to the Saudi procurement people.

“Normally they’re happy with this role, and quite content to admit that they know cack-all about the actual business side of things.

“But like I said – this is Chris Grayling.”

One anonymous CEO was said to have sold thousands of shares in his own manufacturing company, following a reported sighting of Grayling in a local sandwich shop.

Meanwhile, the retail sector appealed for government assistance to address perceived existential threats, listed – in ascending order – as no-deal Brexit, high business rates, competition from the Internet, and the recruitment of Chris Grayling in an advisory capacity.

“There’s only so much emergency contingency planning you can do,” they said.

In a statement released last night, Mr Grayling offered himself unequivocal support, insisting that he had full confidence in his own abilities.