What a joyous occasion today is. It's been almost three years since David Cameron's big referendum idea went horribly, horribly wrong, and now we all have to face the consequences. Of course, Brexit is not actually remotely done – but today marks the first official step towards leaving the EU.

However, just like waking up hungover with sick in your hair and a vague memory of kissing a man with a face like a rice pudding, it's better to forget the past and look to the future. A future that will likely involve some tricky situations while visiting "the continent" – Dutch people who don't understand why you made such a stupid decision, French people who don't understand why you made such a stupid decision, or even Spanish people who don't understand why you made such a stupid decision.

In order to prepare for all these possible eventualities, I've put together a translation guide to all the key phrases you'll need to muddle your way through the UK's four favourite European holiday destinations.

General / Remorseful

I didn't vote for Brexit!

French: Je n'ai pas voté pour le Brexit! German: Ich habe nicht für den Brexit gestimmt! Italian: Non ho votato per la Brexit! Spanish: ¡No voté por el Brexit!

Please, forgive us Brits.

French: S'il te plait, pardonne-nous Britanniques.

Italian: Per favore, perdona noi inglesi.

German: Bitte vergib uns Briten.

Spanish: Por favor, perdónanos, británicos.

[General Sobbing]

French: [sangloter]

Italian: [singhiozzi]

German: [schluchzen]

Spanish: [sollozos]

Out and about!

I haven’t had champagne in years!

French: Je n'ai pas bu de champagne depuis des années! Italian: Non bevo champagne da anni! German: Ich hatte seit Jahren keinen Champagner mehr! Spanish: ¡No he probado champán en años!

No, please don’t throw that drink on me.

French: Non, s’il te plaît, ne vides pas ta boisson sur moi.

German: Nein, bitte schmeiß das Getränk nicht auf mich.

Italian: No, per favore non buttarmi quel drink addosso.

Spanish: No, por favor no me arrojes esa bebida.

I have eaten only turnip for the past six months. French: Je n'ai mangé que du navet au cours des six derniers mois.

German: Ich habe in den letzten sechs Monaten nur Rübe gegessen.

Italian: Mangiato solo rapa negli ultimi sei mesi.

Spanish: He comido solo nabo durante los últimos seis meses.

Miscellaneous

I’m sorry….I seem to have misplaced my work visa….

French: Je suis désolé… Je semble avoir égaré mon visa de travail….

German: Es tut mir leid ... Ich habe anscheinend mein Arbeitsvisum verlegt...

Italian: Mi dispiace .... Mi sembra di aver smarrito il mio visto di lavoro….

Spanish: Lo siento ... Parece que he perdido mi visa de trabajo ...

Please don’t call an ambulance, my insurance won’t cover it.