Fears over the Covid-19 pandemic are taking a mental toll on a lot of people. But there are ways to manage your anxiety.

OPINION: Your family was coping well with coronavirus — until this week.

Now your 10-year-old is scared to go to his best friend's birthday party; your phone-addicted partner can't stop talking about it; your elderly mother calls every hour because she has a cough.

Even though coronavirus has only grazed our shores statistically, it's moved in on us psychologically, which means it has the potential to splinter families at a time when we most need to pull together.

Inevitably, family members feel and express anxiety differently.

123rf Coronavirus-induced anxiety can trigger irrational behaviour, writes Karen Nimmo.

HOW CORONAVIRUS ANXIETY LOOKS

The classic symptoms include edginess, irritability, tearfulness, raised heart rate, sleep difficulties, racing/negative thoughts, headaches, stomach and gut problems and feelings of dread.

It can also trigger unhelpful behavioural change. For example, people bombarding Healthline when they're not sick; maxing out the credit cards on groceries; or keeping the kids out of school without any reason or directive to do so.

Fear works in varied ways, across all generations.

Kids may refuse to do things they would normally enjoy, be upset by the cancellation of sports or activities, have sleep difficulties, physical symptoms like tummy and headaches, feeling sick, ask a lot of fear-based questions and to think the worst – like someone will die.

Teens may be emotional, unfocused, indecisive, irritable or withdrawn — which makes them hard to read. They may also take greater risks, like partying and drinking to avoid their worries.

Older people may be stoic and more accepting. Some may retreat physically so they suffer from loneliness and isolation as visitors stop coming and their few activities dry up.

Families need to talk and work together, right now. Domestic conflict won't make coronavirus go away — it'll just raise everyone's anxiety and trap you in an unhealthy mental state.

So, if your family is feeling the heat, here are some strategies to help.

123rf A walk in the great outdoors can boost mental health.

1. Show empathy

Everyone's different: even partners can differ hugely in the way they deal with uncertainty. So if you're made of tough stock, be gentle. Telling others to "get on with it" is not helpful. Try to be empathetic and reassuring to those who need it.

2. Talk about worries — but set limits

Let each person talk about their worries — but keep boundaries around it (e.g. 20 minutes at a time). Beware of letting pandemic conversations drip feed through your days because it will fuel angst and promote the idea that life, the world — everything — is out of control.

3. Teens, kids and older people

Tell kids the truth in an age-appropriate way but don't bombard them with information. Answer their questions, but, when you're done, distract them into another activity. A great question for teens is: what do you know? You can then use their answer to explore any worries, correct any misinformation. Check in with older people to see if they need any practical help and/or just to see how they are. They need to know they (still) matter.

Supplied Karen Nimmo advises families to talk about their fears - but keep limits so it doesn't dripfeed into every conversation.

4. Know anxiety is highly contagious

Your kids will pick up on your angst through your body language and behaviour as well as your words, so model the tone you want to set in your home. Turn the TV off, play music, watch a movie, cook food, slow down your movements, act calmly and try to lighten up — funny things will still happen. You're allowed to laugh at them.

5. Anchor yourself with normal "stuff"

Keep domestic structures in place: do what you would normally do at home. While coronavirus may have curtailed some — if not many — of our usual social and other activities, we can still maintain steady home routines. Routines anchor us, and help us feel safe — so they're even more important in uncertain times.

6. Get outside

Research shows a "walk in the wild" or even through the park, boosts mental health. It also helps to normalise life and help you feel connected to the bigger world than the one coronavirus would have us live in.

7. Aim to live alongside it

Coronavirus or not, life will keep chugging forward. Other things (some of them difficult) will keep happening, even as we navigate a pandemic. So the goal is not to long for coronavirus to be over, even though that's what we want. It's to learn to live as well as we can alongside it, for however long it takes.

Karen Nimmo is a Wellington-based clinical psychologist and author of Busy as F...