Linda Evans Shepard, whose books about prayer “often achieve the number one position on Amazon” (according to her website), would like you to know that she could have won a billion dollars in the lottery.

God told her the winning numbers. But she didn’t play them. And that’s proof that God has a plan for us. Seriously.

As she explains in a piece up at Charisma, she once “prayed a silly prayer” asking God to tell her the winning lottery numbers when the jackpot had surpassed a billion dollars.

Immediately, a series of numbers came to mind. I grinned. I didn’t really believe they were the actual numbers that would win. So I didn’t stop to play the game. But the next day, these were the very numbers that popped up on the ping-poll ball drawing. If I had played them, I would have won a billion dollars.

Yep. Totally believable. And in high school, I really had this super-hot model girlfriend who lived in another state so, no, you can’t meet her.

Shepard says she regretted “how much ministry” she could’ve done with that money, so she asked God if she screwed up. Wouldn’t you know it, God said she did exactly what He expected her to do.

… in my inner ear of my soul, I heard the Lord whisper, “I knew you wouldn’t play the numbers. That’s why I gave them to you when you asked. I wanted to show you that you really can hear My voice.”

There you go. God could just reappear in the flesh, or bring dead people back to life, or Rapture all the saved people… but instead, He revealed His existence by dangling a billion dollars in front of a prayer-obsessed author so she could eventually write a fantastical article about it for a third-rate Christian website.

Oh well. I guess all those people dying of poverty will have to keep searching for food and shelter because the Christian God decided to play some elaborate practical joke on a delusional author instead of putting unlimited cash in her hands.

Maybe next time, she’ll write down the numbers instead of asking us to just take her word for it. Or maybe God will give her another heads up the next time the Mega Millions jackpot hits ten digits.

Or maybe she’s just making everything up because some Christians are gullible enough to believe it.

(via Joe. My. God. Image via Shutterstock)

