HEY TOKEN. YOU GONNA WATCH THEGAME TONIGHT, BUTTERS ? AAAAHG ! ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT ! I WAS NOT RESPONSIBLEFOR 9-11 ! GOD DAMMIT ! HELLO BOOBIE, HOW WASSCHOOL TODAY ? TERRIBLE. OH, COME ON, SCHOOLISN'T ALL THAT BAD. BUT, EVERYONE THINKS I WASRESPONSIBLE FOR 9-11. WHAT-WHAT-WHATTT ? WE HAVE TODO SOMETHING. IT IS OBVIOUSTHAT OUR CHILDREN ARE STILL COMPLETELYCONFUSED ABOUT 9-11 ! YES, WE NEED TO GO OVER ITAGAIN IN THE CLASSROOMS SO THEY UNDERSTANDWHAT REALLY HAPPENED. WELL... WHATREALLY HAPPENED ? THERE'S STRONG EVIDENCETHAT WHAT WE WERE TOLD ISN'T THE TRUTH. OH NO.COME ON.OH BROTHER. THAT'S RIGHT. DID YOU KNOW THAT THEREWERE EXPLOSIONS SEEN AT THE BASEOF THE TOWERS ? OH BROTHER.NO, NO.ARE YOU RETARDED ? LOOK, WHATEVERYOU BELIEVE THE FACT OF THE MATTERIS SOMEBODY... DROPPED A DOOKIN THE SCHOOL URINAL AND THERE'S STILL NOEXPLANATION FOR THAT ! MR. MACKEY, THERE ARE MOREIMPORTANT THINGS GOING ON HERE. MORE IMPORTANT ? YOU AREN'T THE ONE WHO HAD TO WALK INTOTHE BOY'S BATHROOM, M'KAY AFTER HAVING TOWAKE UP EARLY, YOU KNOW, THERE'S NO COFFEE IN THETEACHER'S LOUNGE AND THEN YOU WALKINTO THE BATHROOM TO JUST FIND A BIG DOOKLAYING THERE IN THE URINAL. LIKE IT'S LAUGHING AT YA. HE'S RIGHT. THE TURD COULD HAVE BEENPUT IN THERE TO COVER UP 9-11 ! NO, I'M NOT SAYINGTHEY'RE RELATED ! HOW DO WE KNOWTHEY'RE NOT ? WE NEED TO BE BRAVE ENOUGHTO ASK QUESTIONS ! IT'S OBVIOUS THATBEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER WE NEED TO FIND OUT WHO WASBEHIND 9-11 ONCE AND FOR ALL ! WELL, WHO ELSE COULDIT HAVE BEEN. THIS IS TOO BIGOF A MYSTERY FOR ME. I THINK WE BETTER CALLIN THE HARDLY BOYS. OH NO, NOTTHE GOD DAMN-- THE HARDLY BOYS TWO SMART YOUNGWHIPPER SNAPPERS WITH A TASTE FORSOLVING MYSTERIES. THE HARDLY BOYS IN: SO THAT'S ABOUT THE LONG ANDSHORT OF IT, HARDLY BOYS. THERE WERE TWO TOWERSTHAT STOOD RIGHT HERE, AND THEY'RE GONE. AND NOBODY KNOWSWHO'S RESPONSIBLE ? THERE ARE THEORIES,BUT NOBODY'S CERTAIN. HMM, WHO WOULDBENEFIT MOST FROM TWO BUILDINGSDISAPPEARING ? OH, I JUST STARTEDGETTING A CLUE. REALLY ? YEAH I'M TOTALLYGETTING A CLUE. OH, THAT'S GIVINGME A CLUE. YEAH, I'VE GOT ARAGING CLUE RIGHT NOW. MINE'S POINTINGTO THE LEFT. OH, FRANK, SERIOUSLY I HAVESUCH A RAGING CLUE RIGHT NOW I THINK WEBETTER FOLLOW IT. OKAY, LET'S FOLLOWYOUR RAGING CLUE... GOD SPEED.

EXCUSE ME, THERE'S BEENA MISUNDERSTANDING... COME ON IN,MR. PRESIDENT. MR. PRESIDENT,MY NAME IS-- SHUT UP. YOU THINK WE DON'TKNOW YOUR NAME ? WE KNOW EVERYTHING. WE CONTROLEVERYTHING. WE'VE ALLWORKED VERY HARD TO KEEP OUR INVOLVEMENTIN 9-11 A SECRET. BUT YOU JUST HAD TOKEEP DIGGING. REALLY ? YOU WON'TGET AWAY WITH IT. PEOPLE KNOW. "PEOPLE"YOU MEAN SHEEPLE. WE HAVE THE MAJORITY OF THEMKEPT IN BLISSFUL IGNORANCE. JUST ONE MORE LEAKTO FIX. WAIT...WHAT ARE YOU DOING ? YOU'VE BEEN A THORN IN OUR SIDEFOR TOO LONG, I'M AFRAID. NO, YOU CAN'TDO THIS ! PLEASE, I'LL STOP ! I'LL TAKE DOWNTHE WEBSITE. MR. MH-RMHPH !RMHMHPMH ! TOO LATE ! ( gunshot ) JESUS CHRIST ! HA HA HA...HE DIED LIKE A PIG. SOME PIGSNEVER LEARN. NO, WAY ! HE WAS RIGHTYOU D CAUSE 9-11 ! YES, QUITE SIMPLETO PULL OFF, REALLY. ALL I HAD TO DO WAS HAVEEXPLOSIVES PLANTED IN THE BASE OF THE TOWERS. THEN ON 9-11 WE PRETENDED LIKEFOUR PLANES WERE BEING HIJACKED WHEN REALLY WE JUST RE-ROUTEDTHEM TO PENNSYLVANIA. THEN FLEW TWO MILITARY JETSINTO THE WORLD TRADE CENTER FILLED WITH MORE EXPLOSIVESAND SHOT DOWN ALL THE WITNESSES IN FLIGHT 93 WITH AN F-15, AFTER BLOWING UP THE PENTAGONWITH A CRUISE MISSILE. IT WAS ONLY THEWORLD'S MOST INTRICATE AND FLAWLESSLY EXECUTEDPLAN EVER, EVER. REALLY ?WHY ? THE OLDEST REASONIN THE WORLD... MONEY. THE TOWERS FELL AND THE AMERICANSHEEPLE ALL WAVED THEIR FLAGS. FINALLY WE COULDINVADE IRAQ, AND GET THE OIL WHICH MADE USALL EVEN RICHER THAN BEFORE. BEAUTIFUL MONEY,HA HA HAAA ! REALLY ? IS THE WHOLE GOVERNMENTIN ON THIS ? WE ARE ALL-KNOWINGAND ALL-POWERFUL. GOODBYE, BOYS. ( alarms ringing ) DANGIT, I MISSED AGAIN ! FOR CHRIST'S SAKE,CHENEY ! KYLE, RUN ! KILL THEMMMMM !

WHO ARE YOU ? I'M A DETECTIVE. AND I'M AFRAID YOU KIDSHAVE BEEN DOUBLE-CROSSED. YOU'VE FIGUREDTHIS THING ALL OUT ? NOT ME...MY MYSTERY-SOLVING SONS. COME ON IN, BOYS. MY BOYS WERE RESEARCHINGWHO WENT NUMBER TWO IN THE URINALAT YOUR SCHOOL WHEN THEY DISCOVEREDSOMETHING ODD WHICH GAVE THEM A CLUE. IT GAVE USBOTH A CLUE. THAT CLUE LEAD THEM TOA 9-11 CONSPIRACY GROUP PARTY. WHERE THEY GOTA LOT MORE CLUES. I WAS GETTING A CLUE LIKEEVERY TWO MINUTES. I GOT SUCHA RAGING CLUE, THAT I ALMOST SHOTCLUE GOO ALL OVER JOE. THOSE CLUES POINTED OUT THAT ALLTHE 9-11 CONSPIRACY THEORIES COULD BE DISPROVENSCIENTIFICALLY. AND THAT'S WHEN FRANKGOT HIS BIGGEST CLUE. IT WAS HUGE. THAT ALL THE 9-11CONSPIRACY WEBSITES ARE RUN BYTHE GOVERNMENT... THE 911 CONSPIRACY... IS A GOVERNMENTCONSPIRACY. OH JESUS. WHY WOULD THE GOVERNMENTWANT PEOPLE TO THINK THEY CAUSED 9-11 ? FOR A GOVERNMENTTO HAVE POWER THEY MUST APPEAR TO HAVECOMPLETE CONTROL. WHAT BETTER WAYTO MAKE PEOPLE FEAR THEM THAN TO CONVINCE THEMTHEY ARE CAPABLE OF THE MOST ELABORATE PLANON EARTH ? THAT'S QUITEENOUGH, HARDLY ! DON'T BELIEVEWHAT HE SAYS, BOYS. WE CAUSED 9-11. IT'S ALL RIGHT HEREIN THESE SECRET DOCUMENTS. BUT YOU'LL NEVER GET THEM ! ( yawn ) I KNEW IT-YOU DIDN'T PLAN 9-11 AND YOU DIDN'T REALLYSHOOT THAT GUY ! BOYS, YOUDON'T UNDERSTAND. PEOPLE NEED TO THINKTHAT WE ARE ALL-POWERFUL THAT WE CONTROL THE WORLD. IF THEY KNOW WE WEREN'TIN CHARGE OF 9-11 THEN WE APPEARTO CONTROL NOTHING. WHY DON'T YOU JUSTTELL PEOPLE THE TRUTH ? WE DO THAT TOO ! AND MOST PEOPLEBELIEVE THE TRUTH ! BUT ONE-FOURTH OFTHE POPULATION IS RETARDED. IF THEY WANT TO BELIEVE WECONTROL EVERYTHING WITH INTRICATE PLANS,WHY NOT LET THEM ? JUST ONE THING,MR. PRESIDENT HOW THE DEVIL DID YOUKNOW WE WERE ALL HERE ? ( gun cocking ) HOW COME YOU COULDN'TJUST GO HOME, DUDE ? THAT'S ALLWE HAD TO DO. STAN !WHAT THE F--K ! IT WAS ALLPLANNED OUT. YOU KNEW THISWHOLE TIME ? WHY ? BECAUSE IT WAS ME... I'M THE ONE WHO TOOKA DUMP IN THE URINAL. WHAT ? THE STALLS WERE FULL AND IDIDN'T WANT TO MISS RECESS ! I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULDTURN INTO SUCH A BIG DEAL ! SO YOU BLAMEDTHE GOVERNMENT ? AND THE GOVERNMENT WAS MORE THANWILLING TO TAKE THE BLAME SO LONG AS IT MADE THEMLOOK RESPONSIBLE FOR 9-11. AW MAN, NOW EVERYONE'SGONNA KNOW. WHY DID THE STUPIDHARDLY BOYS HAVE TO BE SO GOOD ATSOLVING MYSTERIES ? SO, WAIT, WAIT-- STAN TOOKTHE DUMP IN THE URINAL, AND HE CONTACTEDTHE CONSPIRACY WEBSITE, BUT THE CONSPIRACY SITE WASRUN BY THE GOVERNMENT ? YEAH. SO THEN WHO WASRESPONSIBLE FOR 9-11 ! WHAT'DYA MEAN ? A BUNCH OFPISSED-OFF MUSLIMS. YEAH, WHAT AREYOU, RETARDED ? HA HA !HA HA !HA HA ! WELL, IT LOOKS LIKETHIS MYSTERY IS SOLVED ! IT'S TIME FOR THE CULPRITTO FINALLY PAY. WHEN YOU DOOK IN THE URINAL,IT'S BAD, M'KAY ? HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF SOMEBODY CAMEINTO YOUR HOME, M'KAY, PULLED DOWN THEIR PANTS AND LAID A BIG MUD MONKEYRIGHT ON YOUR MOM'S FACE ? OH, YOU THINKTHAT'S FUNNY, HUH ? YEAH, THAT'S REAL FUNNY !

( school bell ringing ) ...AND SO CLASS, THAT IS WHEN JOLIECOUNTERED BACK TO ANISTON AND SAID THINGS LIKE-- OH HELLO,MR. MACKEY. ALL THE GIRLS GO OUTIN THE HALL, PLEASE. I NEED TO SPEAK WITH THEBOYS OF THIS CLASS, M'KAY. BOYS, WE HAVEA VERY SERIOUS PROBLEM. I'VE JUST COME FROMTHE MEN'S RESTROOM, AND SOMEBODY...WENT NUMBER TWO IN THE URINAL. WHAT'S A URINAL ? THE WALL TOILETFOR PEEING IN. AND SOME JOKESTER,TOOK A POOP IN IT, M'KAY. NOW, I WANT WHOEVER DID ITTO COME FORWARD RIGHT NOW AND IT WILL BE LESS PAINFULFOR EVERYBODY, M'KAY ? WHO WOULD TAKE A DUMPIN THE URINAL. IT'S SUCH ASENSELESS CRIME. MR. MACKEY, I THINKYOU MIGHT WANT TO ENTERTAIN THAT THIS IS SOME KIND OFCONSPIRACY... JUST 9-11. OH GOD, HERE WEGO AGAIN. 9-11 WAS NOTA CONSPIRACY, FAT ASS ! OH REALLY ? DO YOU JUST BELIEVE EVERYTHINGYOU'RE TOLD, KYLE ? EXCUSE ME ! CAN WE GET BACK TOTHE ISSUE, PLEASE ? YOU ALL DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTANDHOW SERIOUS THIS IS ! NOW WHO MADE DOOKIEIN THE URINAL ? ( all snickering ) OH YOU THINKIT'S FUNNY, HUH ? M'KAY, M'KAY, YOU'RE GONNATHINK IT'S REAL FUNNY WHEN THE POLICE GET HERE !

BUT THERE JUST ISN'T REALLYANY EVIDENCE TO GO ON... BUT THERE MUST HAVEBEEN SOME MOTIVE NOBODY WOULD JUST DOOK IN THE URINAL FOR NO REASON. BUT WHO WOULD BENEFIT FROMCRAPPING IN THE URINAL ? THIS IS TOO BIGA MYSTERY FOR ME, I THINK WE BETTERCALL IN THE HARDLY BOYS. THE HARDLY BOYS ! TWO YOUNGWHIPPER SNAPPERS SOLVING MYSTERIES ! THE HARDLY BOYS IN: SO THAT'S IT, HARDLY BOYS,WE'VE GOT NO LEADS AND NOBODY ADMITTINGTO THE CRIME. THAT SURE ISA MYSTERY. YEAH IT SOUNDSSUPER-HARD. WHOEVER DID IT MUST HAVE BEENANGRY WITH THE SCHOOL. OH... OH, I THINKI'M GETTING A CLUE. REALLY ? YEAH, THIS IS TOTALLYGIVING ME A CLUE RIGHT NOW. OH, I'M STARTINGTO GET A CLUE TOO ! MY CLUE'S KINDAPOINTING THIS WAY. OH, YEAH, NOWI'VE GOT A TOTAL CLUE. I'VE STILL GOTA RAGING CLUE. MY CLUE'S POINTINGOVER THERE NOW. OH LET'S FOLLOWTHAT CLUE.

DID THEY FIND OUT WHOCRAPPED IN THE URINAL YET ? NOT YET. THEY AREN'T GOING TOFIND OUT WHO DID IT. BUT THEY'LL MAKE UPA SCAPEGOAT, SEND HIM TO DETENTION AND MAKE USALL BELIEVE IT. IT'LL BE 9-11ALL OVER AGAIN. WILL YOU SHUT UPABOUT 9-11 ? KYLE, WHY ARE YOUSO AFRAID OF THE TRUTH ? BECAUSE ANYBODY WHO THINKS9-11 WAS A CONSPIRACY IS A RETARD ! OH REALLY ? DID YOU KNOW THAT OVERONE-FOURTH OF PEOPLE IN AMERICA THINK THAT 9-11WAS A CONSPIRACY ? ARE YOU SAYING THAT ONE-FOURTHOF AMERICANS ARE RETARDS ? YES, I'M SAYING ONE-FOURTHOF AMERICANS ARE RETARDS. YEAH, AT LEASTONE-FOURTH. LET'S TAKE A TEST SAMPLE: THERE'S FOUR OF US, YOU'RE A RETARD-THAT'S ONE-FOURTH. THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLEWHO KNOW THE TRUTH, KYLE. BUTTERS ! HEY FELLAS ! BUTTERS, DO YOU THINK9-11 WAS JUST A PLOT BY SOME ANGRY TERRORISTS, OR DO YOU THINK THERE WASSOME KIND OF COVER UP ? WELL, I HEARD THAT 9-11WAS CAUSED BY PRESIDENT BUSH. AH HA, YOU SEE ? WHERE DID YOUHEAR THAT ? FROM ERIC. I REST MY CASE. BUTTERS, YOU DON'T REALLYBELIEVE THAT DO YOU ? WUL... I MEAN...YOU NEVER KNOW. THE GOVERNMENT DOES SOMEPRETTY SPOOKY THINGS. THE GOVERNMENT AND THECORPORATIONS HEADED BY THE JEWS THAT CARRIED OUT 9-11. THAT'S RIGHT, BUTTERS. GOD DAMMIT ! YOU SEEWHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SPREAD THISSTUPID CRAP, FAT ASS ! WHAT- PEOPLE SEETHE TRUTH ? CAN I GO NOW ? YOU GUYS ARE BLIND ! I CAN'T BELIEVETHAT EVERYONE HERE IS JUST BUYING INTO WHATTHEY'RE TOLD BY THE MEDIA. I'M GOING TO GOFIND OUT THE TRUTH. I'M GONNA BLOW THE LID OFFTHIS WHOLE 9-11 CONSPIRACY ONCE AND FOR ALL. OH NO... ♪ IS IT WRONG FOR METO ASK QUESTIONS ♪ ♪ IS IT WRONGTO SEEK THE TRUTH ♪ ♪ I CAN'T JUST BLINDLYACCEPT THEIR VERSION ♪ ♪ I CAN'T BASE MY LOGICON PROOF ♪ ♪ ALMOST ALL THE EVIDENCEPOINTS ONE WAY ♪ ♪ BUT I'M LIKE CHARLIE SHEENAND GLORIA ESTEFAN ♪ ♪ I NEED TO KNOWWHAT REALLY HAPPENED ♪ ♪ ON 9-11 ♪ 9-11, 9-11 ♪ WHAT REALLY HAPPENEDON 9-11... ♪♪ OF COURSE...IT'S SO OBVIOUS... HOW DID WE NOTSEE IT BEFORE...

HE'S A FROG, NOT A TOADBECAUSE TOADS DON'T RIBBIT. I THINK FROGSARE GOOD PETS. ( scattered applause ) OKAY, THANK YOU, LEEROY, THANKS FOR SHARING YOURDUMB LITTLE FROG WITH THE CLASS. OKAY, ANYBODY ELSE HAVESOMETHING FOR SHOW AND TELL ? OH, OOHH ! ALRIGHT, ERIC,YOU CAN GO NEXT. FOR SHOW AND TELL TODAY,I HAVE BROUGHT MY SHOCKING POWERPOINT REPORTON THE TRUTH... BEHIND THE 9-11 ATTACKS. OH CHRIST... WE ARE TOLD TO BELIEVE THATTHE FIRE FROM THE JET FUEL MELTED THE STEEL FRAMINGOF THE TOWERS, WHICH LED TO THEIR COLLAPSE. BUT DID YOU KNOWJET FUEL DOESN'T BURN AT A HIGH ENOUGH TEMPERATURETO MELT STEEL ? WE WERE TOLD THE PENTAGON WASHIT BY A HIJACKED PLANE AS WELL. BUT NOW LOOK AT THISPHOTO OF THE PENTAGON. THE HOLE IS NOTNEARLY BIG ENOUGH. AND IF A PLANE HIT IT...WHERE'S THE REST OF THE PLANE ? WOAH... SO NOW, THEINEVITABLE QUESTION. IF TERRORISTS DIDN'TCAUSE 9-11, WHO DID ? REMEMBER THAT THERE AREIN FACT, TWO TOWERS. TWO MINUS ONE, IS ONE. ONE, ONE- ELEVEN. TWO MINUS ONE, IS ONE. ONE, ONE- AND THERE ARE9 MEMBERS ON SILVERSTEIN'S BOARDOF DIRECTORS. THAT'S 9-1-1,9-11. AND TAKE TWO, MINUS ONE,PLUS NINE ELEVEN AND YOU GET TWELVE. WHICH LEADS US ALLTO THE MASTERMIND OF THE 9-11 ATTACKS... KYLE. ME ? 12 CONTAINS THE NUMBERS ONE AND TWO. JUST LIKE THETOILET YESTERDAY, WHERE SOMEBODY WENT NUMBER TWOINSTEAD OF NUMBER ONE. ADD ONE AND TWOWITH NINE ELEVEN AND YOU GET 914. DROP THE 4 AND IT'S "91" EXACTLY THE SCORE KYLEGOT ON HIS SPELLING TEST TWELVE DAYSAFTER 9-11. WHO HAD THE MOSTTO GAIN FROM 9-11 ? KYLE ! WHO WAS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND THEMORNING THE TOWERS FELL ? KYLE ! WHO DROPPED THE DEUCEIN THE URINAL ? KYLE ! BUT PROBABLY THE MOSTDAMNING OF ALL IS THE EVIDENCE SEEN INTHIS PHOTO OF TOWER 2 WHEN I ZOOMED IN, I SAW WHATFIRST APPEARED TO BE A BLUR BUT WHENI COMPUTER-ENHANCED IT... YOU ALMOST GOT AWAY WITH IT,YOU SNEAKY BUTTHOLE. ( school bell ringing )

KYLE !AAHGGH ! DUDE, DO YOU MINDTELLING ME WHY CIA GUYS ARE COMING TO MY HOUSE ANDQUESTIONING ME ABOUT YOU ? I DON'T KNOW, DUDE ! IT'S LIKE EVERYONE'SPUTTING PIECES TOGETHER THAT AREN'T THERE ! BUT WHY DID YOUHAVE TO INVOLVE ME ? IT'S NOT MY FAULT ! ALRIGHT, LOOK, I'VE BEEN DOINGA LOT OF RESEARCH ON THE WEB AND I FOUND AN ORGANIZATIONWHO SAYS THEY CAN PROVE YOU WEREN'TINVOLVED IN 9-11. REALLY ? COME ON, WE'LLGO OUT THE BACK SO THEY DON'T SEE YOU. THERE'S JUST ONE THINGI NEED TO KNOW BEFORE WE GO... YOU WEREN'T RESPONSIBLEFOR 9-11, RIGHT. DUDE ! THAT'S ALL I NEEDED.

NOW YOU MIGHT ALL THINKI'VE GIVEN UP ON FINDING WHO CRAPPEDIN THE URINAL, M'KAY. AND MAYBE, MAYBE YOU THINKIT'S A VICTIMLESS CRIME... THIS IS MR. VENEZUELA,THE SCHOOL JANITOR, M'KAY. HE'S THE PERSONWHO HAS TO CLEAN UP WHEN SOME TRICKSTER DROPS A DOOKIN THE WRONG TOILET. MR. VENEZUELA MAKESSIX BUCKS AN HOUR AT BEST, M'KAY HE'S GOTTHREE KIDS AT HOME, HE'S GOT A CARTHAT BARELY WORKS, HE'S GOT TO CLEAN UP PUKEWITH SAW DUST, M'KAY, THEN HE WALKSINTO THE BOYS ROOM AND SEES A BIG MEATY CHUDSTARIN' HIM IN THE FACE. SO WHEN YOU CRAPPEDIN THAT URINAL, M'KAY, YOU MIGHT AS WELL'VEJUST DROPPED YOUR PANTS AND LAID A TURD RIGHT ONMR. VENEZUELA'S HEAD. OH, YOU THINKIT'S FUNNY, HUH !? MR. MACKEY,WE GOT HIM ! HUH ? WE CAUGHT THE PERSONTHAT DID IT.

HI, WE WERE HOPINGYOU CAN HELP US. MY FRIEND ISBEING BLAMEDFOR 9-11. OH JEEZ,COME ON IN, KIDS. IT DOESN'T SURPRISE ME. MORE AND MORE PEOPLE ARE BEINGBLAMED FOR 9-11 EVERY DAY. THEY ARE ? YEAH IT'S A WAY OFKEEPING PEOPLE FROM SEEINGTHE REAL EVIDENCE. I KNOW IT SEEMS CRAZY, BUT 9-11 WAS PULLED OFFBY OUR OWN GOVERNMENT. SO THEY COULD GAIN SUPPORT FORATTACKING THE MIDDLE EAST. WHAT ?NO, NO, NO. I KNOW IT'SHARD TO BELIEVE. DUDE, WHY WOULD THE GOVERNMENTATTACK ITS OWN BUILDINGS ? IT'S CALLEDTHE FALSE FLAG POLICY. MAKE IT LOOK LIKE THE ENEMYHAS ATTACKED YOU. GET ALL YOUR CITIZENS RILED UPAND WAVING AMERICAN FLAGS THEN YOU'RE FREE TO INVADEANY COUNTRY YOU WANT. THAT'S RETARDED. LOOK INTO EVIDENCEOF 9-11 AND YOU'LL SEE THERE ARE A LOT OF HOLESIN THEIR STORY ! THERE'S A LOT OF HOLES INTHE THEORY OF EVOLUTION TOO, IT DOESN'TMEAN IT'S WRONG. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ! THE GOVERNMENTCONTROLS EVERYTHING. THE MEDIA,THE CORPORATIONS THEY HAVE THE POWER TO DOANYTHING THEY WANT ! HERE LOOK, READ THE LABELSON THESE ! GO ON !READ THEM ! "CODE 2-3-4." WE THINK THEY CAME FROMA GOVERNMENT OFFICE. WHAT IS IT ? IT'S ANTHRAX. ANTHRAX ? SOMEDAY, WE'LL USE IT ASEVIDENCE AGAINST THEM. STAN, WE CAN'T BE SEENWITH THIS NUT JOB ! RAHGHGH !HANDS UP !DON'T MOVE ! ( sirens blaring ) AW-AW ! AWWWWW !

I DUNNO. YOU'VE GOT A WHOLESCHOOL HERE, CLYDE, M'KAY ? YOU'VE GOT OVERTHREE HUNDRED PEOPLE THAT NEED TO USETHE BOYS ROOM. AND YOU DECIDE YOU'RE GONNABE A COMEDIAN, M'KAY, AND PINCH ONE OFFIN THE URINAL AND LEAVE IT LAYING THERE FOREVERYONE TO HAVE TO LOOK AT. M'KAY, YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY,BUT NOBODY ELSE DOES. THEY'VE GOT TOWALK INTO THAT BATHROOM AND SEE YOUR RANCID DOOK PROPPED AGAINSTTHE BACK OF THE URINAL LIKE A BROWN RAG DOLL. MR. MACKEY, CLYDE'SPARENTS ARE HERE. M'KAY, THAT'S GOOD. LET'S SEE WHAT YOURMOM AND DAD HAVE TO SAY ABOUT YOURLITTLE POOPSCAPADE. COME ON IN, PLEASE, I'M JUST TRYING TOGET YOUR SON TO EXPLAIN WHY HE WOULD DROPA DOOK IN THE URINAL. MR. MACKEY... THERE'S SOMETHINGYOU SHOULD KNOW...

ATTENTION STUDENTS. APPARENTLY CLYDE COULD NOTHAVE BEEN THE ONE WHO CRAPPED IN THE URINAL, BECAUSE CLYDE HAD A COLOSTOMYAT AGE FIVE, M'KAY. NOW, WHOEVER DID THISUNSPEAKABLE ACT IS STILL AT LARGE. THE BOYS BATHROOM IS CLOSEDUNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. BECAUSE ONE OF YOU THOUGHT ITWOULD BE A GOOD IDEA, TO PULL DOWNYOUR PANTS, M'KAY, HOVER YOUR BUTT CHEEKSOVER THE URINAL, AND SQUEEZE OUTA CHOCOLATE HOT DOG, M'KAY. OH YOU THINKTHAT'S FUNNY, HUH ? LET ME ASSURETHERE IS NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT GOING UP TO A NICE, CLEAN,UNSUSPECTING URINAL, M'KAY DROPPING YOUR PANTS,TURNING AROUND, SQUATTING OVERTHAT URINAL, M'KAY MAYBE PULLING YOUR BUTT CHEEKSAPART WITH YOUR HANDS, AND THEN LAYING OUTA BIG FUDGE DRAGON FOR ALL THE WORLD TO SEE. OH YEAH, THAT'S REAL FUNNY. I'M GONNA CATCHTHIS SONOFABITCH IF IT'S THELAST THING I DO, M'KAY !