Back in February I'd been walking home at night and decided to take the path that runs along the side of Merri Creek and noticed a massive storm water drain that was just begging to be explored. You can see the entrance on Google maps here. Now when you're considering exploring a storm drain there's obvious issues about safety. You really need to weigh up the pros and cons of doing something like this and decide whether it's actually worth it. Instead of explaining these, I've prepared some handy graphics:CONS:PROS:Clearly the pros VASTLY outweigh the cons so this was definitely A Good Thing To Do.One night I was just in the mood to go exploring, so I grabbed my trusty torch and headed out. I bought some fresh batteries at the service station across the road and I was on my way! I left at about 12.30am, figuring I'd be back in time to get plenty of sleep before work the next day.First I had to brave the Forest of Woes:Then I had to cross the Sporting Oval Of Terror, and then the Bridge of Doom:Finally I could approach the Hellmouth itself:Now some people might be worried that I was in some danger exploring a storm drain on my own, but I wasn't worried. If it was dangerous I'm sure they would have put a warning sign up or something. Well, there was this:... but I couldn't quite make out what it was saying so I ignored it. :DThe drain itself was huge, at least 3 metres high. It was heavily graffitied for about a hundred metres:A little way in I found a sleepy little bat hanging from the ceiling:Aw, what a cutie!Every couple of hundred metres there'd be an access hatch:Good to know in case a damn burst somewhere and there was a freak flashflood, or if the C.H.U.D.s attacked.The drain continued on and on and on, with a few twists and turns that ensured I soon had no idea which direction I was travelling in. After several kilometres the concrete drain ended and the red brickwork began:There was some graffiti on the way at the changeover point and I got the impression that the Cave Clan werefans of the old redbrick drain.I actually thought the redbricks looked much nicer than the drab concrete sewers, so I had no idea what the CC's problem was. LITTLE DID I KNOW!!I trudged along the redbrick drain for another few kilometres.This is where I expected Shelob to spring out and fang me.Even the smaller offshoot pipes were more interesting in this part of the drain:It was at this point I started to see white fungus-like growths coating the walls of the drain and started wishing I'd brought a ventilator mask.Eventually the diameter of the drain dropped off and I had to duck my head in order to keep going. I took that photo with the camera's automatic timer, and seconds after it'd taken the photo I slipped rather badly. I didn't fall over but I did drop the torch, which fell into the water and went out. Daaaaaamn. I used the light from my mobile phone to find the torch, unscrewed the top and poured all the water out and flicked the switch. Luckily it still worked. Onwards!(Note: it's really a good idea to take at least one backup torch. Preferably two: one LED long-life torch and one hand powered wind-up torch, just in case.)I'd been walking for several hours at this point and there had been no large cross tunnels or chambers or anything interesting, so when I found a large dry offshoot pipe I decided to crawl through it and see what I could find.This shot shows you how small the pipe was:That smaller pipe just lead to a junction with another long pipe leading off it, so I turned around and went back to the storm drain.At this point the going was a lot trickier since there was often water seeping out of the walls and the bricks were pretty slippery. There was also all sorts of pipes and things to navigate:The drain got even smaller and I had to duck down quite a bit to avoid smacking my head on the ceiling.Eventually I got to a point where the drain shrank even further and I couldn't walk upright at all any more. The only way forward would be to scrabble ahead on all fours, hunched over like the Striders in The Dark Crystal. I reasoned that I'd come way too far to turn back and the drain had to come outso on I went.Every now and then I'd start hearing voiced ahead, which was ... odd. But then I'd pass an access manhole and realise I was hearing people from Above. It was still a little odd. Every now and then a car would drive across one of those access manholes and there'd be a deafening WHOOOMP echoing down the drain.Eventually I realised it was getting close to 4am, and I'd lost track of time and stayed down there much longer than I'd intended. I kept convincing myself that there'd be an outlet just around the next turn, and then just around the next turn, and then just around the next one ... but it just kept going and going. I realised that the drain might go for 20km or something like that and I had to accept that I'd have to turn back soon. I climbed up a few of the access manholes (the ones that weren't full of redback spiders) and try to lift the cover off but they were all much too heavy.Finally it wasclose to 4am and I decided to take a risk and crawl down one of the smaller offshoot pipes to see if it didn't lead me to some sort of exit. This pipe was even smaller than the other one I'd crawled down, and it ran for about 30m before it reached a junction.Once I got to the junction I saw that there was a concrete cover on it, so all I had to do was lift that and I could walk home in the open air.Once again, it was much too heavy. I crawled back along the pipe into the drain and had to face the fact that I'd have to walk aaaaaaaaall the way back the way I'd came.Here's a photo I took at that exact moment:I ama happy camper.By this point I was pretty darned exhausted and I was also quite dehydrated. Crawling back on all fours along that narrow section of the drain was really physically difficult and I had to stop for a break every few minutes. It wasn't until 4.45am that I could walk just hunched over on two legs again, but it felt like it took MUCH longer to get back to that point.At the start of the journey I'd flinched every time a spiderweb brushed the top of my head, but I was way past caring at this point and just barreled through them all.It wasn't until 5.25am that the drain opened up enough that I could walk fully upright again, and I celebrated by taking a leak. Now I'm really not one for public urination but I figured if you can't pee in a drain, where could you? Seconds later I smashed my head on the ceiling when I found out that this taller part of the drain was just a new section they'd recently put in and I had to duck my head again after a few metres.Eventually the drain opened up for real and I could walk fully upright and I was making pretty good time. It was about 30 minutes into this that I had my first serious fall when I smashed my head on one of those overhead pipes I'd seen earlier. This time I did fall down, landing on my side in the water and soaking my camera and my mobile. I somehow kept hold of the torch this time. Apparently I wasn't the only one who had smashed his head on that particular pipe:Okay, now I was tired, filthy, thirsty and soaking wet, and I was still several hours away from the entrance. The torch was also starting to grow dim and the splay-legged way I had to walk to avoid the slippery bricks in the centre of the drain was giving me blisters. Once again I just hunkered down and trudged along, dreaming of getting out and getting to the 7-11 convenience store on the way to my house and buying something to drink. Trudge, trudge, trudge, trudge ....Eventually I saw some familiar landmarks, and then I got back to the concrete pipe (at which point I just walked through the water running down the centre of the pipe and got my boots soaked). I could hear a lot more traffic above me, and even the occasional tram. Eventually I saw aq truly marvelous sight:The open air!I crossed back over the Bridge of Joy, around the Sporting Oval of Triumph, though the Forest of Wondrous Delights and finally reached my goal:The 7-11 of Heavenly Splendor!And then I watched the sun come upI stumbled through my front door at about 7am, took off all my wet clothing, checked my gear (my phone was screwed) and had a wonderful hot shower. I was incredibly sore at this point so I called in sick and went to bed. And that was my stupid adventure!Post Script: one of the Cave Clan guys eventually saw my original LJ post and got in contact with me. Apparently I was pretty close to the end of the drain when I decided to turn back. :(Apparently there's no exit at the end of the drain, just a brick wall.Post Script 2: when I got to work the day after and my boss asked me where I'd been the day before I just showed her these photos. Her only response was "I'm sorry you didn't find the TMNT." :D