SHIT is everywhere. So as long as you're stepping in it, show it some respect. WORLD RELIGIONS PHILOSOPHY AND OTHER THINGS THE COMPLETE AND UNCENSORED SHIT LIST AGNOSTICISM What is this shit? ALTRUISM Want some shit? AMISH Shit dost occur. APATHISM I don't give a shit. ATHEISM I don't believe this shit. BA'HAI All shit is truly shit. BUDDHISM Shit happens. BAPTIST FUNDAMENTALISM Shit happens because the Bible says so. CAPITALISM How much will this shit cost? CARTESIANISM I shit, therefore I am. CATHOLICISM If shit happens, you deserved it. CLASSICAL Marxism The workers take all the shit, but they're gonna dish it back out again. COMMUNISM It's everybody's shit. CONFUCIANISM Confucius say, "Shit happens." CREATION SCIENCE We have proof that God created all the shit that happens. CONTRACT THEORY If we don't agree to form society, everything will go to shit. DADISM Your mom knows her shit. DARWINISM We came up from shit. DESCARTES I shit therefore I am. DIANETICS Shit your way to a better life. DOMINICANS Belive in shit, or we'll boil you in it. DYSLEXIANISM Hits shapnep. DISCORDIANISM This MIGHT be shit, but is instead a fuzzy 1955 Mustang. Logical-Positivism Shit = S+H+I+T MARINES It's not just shit, it's an adventure. MCCARTHYISM Are you now, or have you ever been, shit? MENNONITE None of this modern shit now. MOMISM You'll eat this shit and like it! MORMONISM Your shit is shit, but our shit is the ONE TRUE shit. MURPHISM Shit always happens at the worst possible time and place. NARCISSISM My shit don't stink. NIETSCHE If you're not Ubermenschen, you're not shit. NIHILISM Everything is shit. NIXONISM Shit didn't happen, and if it did, I don't know anything about it. Nonsequiturism Route 176 goes south. Objectivism (Ann Rand) Shit is Shit. PAGANISM Shit happens. And is a part of nature. PANGLOSSISM This is the best of all possible shits. PLATONISM There is an ideal shit, of which all the shit that happens is but an imperfect image. Protestantism Let shit happen to someone else. RASTAFARIAN Shit happens, but if it's all right with Jah, it's all right with me. ROBINISM (tv) Holy shit Batman! RUSSEAU Only natural shit is worth shit. Rastafarianism "Let's smoke this shit." SHINTO Shit is everywhere. So as long as you're stepping in it, show it some respect. SKINNERISM If eat then shit. SOLIPSISM All this shit is a creation of my imagination. SOLIPSISM The only thing I can be sure of is that my shit happens. SPOONERISM Hit shappens. STALINISM The state treats you like shit. SUBGENIUS Bob happens -- SO GIVE ME SOME SLACK! SURREALISM Shit is shiny and shaped like a buick. Scientific-Creationism Shit happens all at once Secular-Humanism Shit happens, but there's a rational explanation. TAOISM The shit that happens is not the true shit. THE-FORCE Do not be swayed by the Dark Side of the shit. TV-Evangelism you need our shit, but it'll cost you. UNITARIANISM There's only one shit, but you can have it happen any way you want. Utilitarianism Do that which generates the greatest shit for the greatest number. VANDALISM I'm gonna wreck this shit! VOODOOISM Shit doesn't just happen - somebody dumped it on you Xeno's paradox It's logically impossible for shit to happen. YUPPIEISM It's my shit! All mine! ZEN What is the sound of shit happening? COMPARATIVE ANALYSIS OF WORLD RELIGIOUS PHILOSOPHIES TAOISM Shit Happens CONFUCIANISM Confucius says, "Shit Happens." ZEN What is the sound of shit happening? YOGA There's a full lotus shit happening. TRANSCENDENTAL MEDITATION Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit....... HINDUISM This shit has happened before. ISLAM If shit happens, it is the will of Allah. CATHOLICISM If shit happens, you deserve it. FUNDAMENTALISM If shit happens, they deserve it. PROTESTANTISM Let shit happen to someone else. EPISCOPALIANISM When shit happens, make it tasteful. JUDAISM Why does shit always happen to US? MORMONISM Shit's going to happen. Stockpile. UNITARIANISM Deal with your own shit happening. TWELVE STEP PROGRAMS. We're powerless over shit. Turn shit over. ASTROLOGY Uranus transits. PERESTROIKA We can't control shit. Let shit happen. AGNOSTICISM Shit may or may not be happening; we don't know shit. ATHEISM No shit. GNOSTICISM Know shit. My own list (to be edited in later)... Taoism Shit happens Confucianism Confucius say, "shit happens." Buddhism If shit happens, it isn't really shit. Zen What is the sound of shit happening? Hinduism This shit happened before. Islam If shit happens, it is the will of Allah. Islam If shit happens, take a hostage. Protestantism Let shit happen to someone else. Protestantism Shit won't happen if I work harder. Catholicism If shit happens, you deserve it. Judaism Why does this shit always happen to us? Atheism I don't believe this shit Agnosticism What is this shit? Unitarian What is this shit? Hare Krishna Shit happens rama rama ding ding. 7th Day Adventist Shit happens on Saturdays. Jehovah's Witness Knock, knock, "Shit happens." Mormon Shit happens again & again & again. Rastafarianism Let's smoke this shit!