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Meanwhile in Southbridge…..



This is Sage Guzman 3 years ago:

This is what 3 years of selling crack cocaine in Southbridge will do to a person:

Especially when you choose to mate with this:

It simply does not get any more Southbridge than Davey Guzman:

That picture is the most Southbridge thing I’ve ever seen. The undeserved self confidence, the glorious belt buckle holding up his jorts, the run down apartments, the bootleg chain, the hardo middle finger, the barely functional Saturn, and a half drunken bottle of Powerade. The most expensive thing in that photograph are the Jordan’s. Because…..Southbridge priorities.

Meanwhile, this is what 32 years of crack cocaine in Rhode Island will do to a person:

I repeat – 32. That man is only 32 years old. But in Southbridge years he’s about 94.

Here’s the best part – she anxiously waited for him to get out of jail for what appears to be a full calendar year:

If you’ve ever reached the point in your life where you’re visiting the Worcester County House of Corrections and you tell yourself that you wouldn’t trade this face for anything in the world:

You know you done made some poor life decisions.

Naturally the first thing she started doing when he got out of jail was to go into a crack cocaine partnership with him. Sage, you should’ve stuck to saving Paris from the terrorists

and working at McDonald’s:

Sure, it might not seem as glamorous as slinging rock out of a Section 8 crack den and meeting up with a Rhode Island crackopotamus in an abandoned parking lot, but it paid the bills. But I guess the allure of this yogurt slinger, coupled with his selfie skills, cash roles, and token pit bull was just too much to pass up.

The lesson here is simple – never, ever live in Southbridge. Because if you do you’ll probably end up going from this

to this.

Nuff said.

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