Chapter 8: White Leopard

The morning sunshine accompanied by the chirping of birds almost felt like a painting coming alive once it seeped through the dark curtains. There was something just so serene and peaceful… having a cup of coffee by the small round table side, wearing nothing but her own pajamas that consisted of nothing but a white collar shirt and her panties, waiting for her girlfriend to wake up. At the very least, in such a blessed morning, Elsa would be the first thing she would be waking up to. Of course, with the comforter being completely hogged by her sleeping girlfriend, her bun of auburn hair draped loosely over her head, Elsa definitely was not going to allow herself to wake up such a beautiful girl in her beautiful slumber.

Elsa had always been one to wake up early - not just because work required her to do so, but because she had grown completely fond of the peacefulness shown on Anna's face. She couldn't ever stand waking up after her, knowing there wasn't going to be a thing she'd look forward to seeing immediately. Every day would be a blessed day if she could just see the blissfulness of Anna's face every time she awoke.

Sitting by the side, just doing nothing but drinking her coffee, admiring all of her freckles should just be a daily routine now. Though, while it did sound a bit creepy, Elsa wasn't going to stop admiring every little detail, every little imperfection that Anna acquired.

She had been doing that for a while with her current hobby being as artistic and creative as she could be. Yes, her job in the office allowed her freedom of creativity to expand, but only to a limit. It was never enough.

Painting and sketching during her free time was almost very laxing. And with an idea in her mind, Elsa had already sat by the side with a decently sized drawing pad secured on her lap. Curling herself up, feet propped on the edge of her chair, Elsa caught herself examining all of the details in front of her - from the simple glow of the sun bouncing on her girlfriend's auburn hair to the smallest of freckles dotted on Anna's cheeks.

With much practice, Elsa found herself always sketching away at whatever that had caught her eyes - and right now, with the bright sunshine coloring the bedroom, it was exactly one of those situations. Who wouldn't though? With such a beauty in front of her, how could she ever help not drawing it and making it a memory for herself, and only herself?

With a gentle smile on her face, Elsa began drawing the outline of her face, sketching the details of her lavishly long hair… and then shading the shadows, glows, and every little imperfect perfection. If she could just do this all day, relaxing with her drawings, watching her girlfriend do her everyday work, she'd do it in a heartbeat. After all, she had always dreamt of having a peaceful, normal life with her lover in their own little home. Right now, she was simply living that dream.

Anna had just recovered from all the trauma… all the things that she had done, and while Elsa knew she should at least take half the credit for it - Anna's words, of course - the journey to healing was all Anna's doing. She had never felt so proud, so in love with the determination and effort that Anna had done herself.

Rewards were often hard to come by, but no matter what, Elsa had always pampered her with all the things that had distracted her from Anna's own wrongdoing. She had always known how hard it was for Anna to recover from her own poison, but sometimes, the thought of her turning back into that same kid getting into the wrong crowd… scared her.

There were things that were better to be left unbothered, and that unwanted thought of Anna drowning was exactly one of them. There were so many things that they would do together in the future, so much love that needed to be exchanged, and Elsa wanted nothing more than to focus on that instead. Having rarely been in relationships, just the task of simply taking care and loving a girl with all her heart… well, it was a promise - and it was a promise she knew she wouldn't even be able to break if she tried.

Smiling longingly, she was just about half-way finishing up with the art piece. The chirping of birds acted as an alarm clock, and once Elsa had glanced up to admire her girlfriend once again in repetition, the redhead groaned, limbs stretching… yet, her eyelids still stayed shut. She preferred it that way just for another moment.

Still, knowing that her girlfriend was going to stir awake soon, Elsa strode towards the bed and knelt on the floor. Her hand gently swept through Anna's hair. Up close, all Elsa could admire was the way Anna pursed her lips and those dotted freckles bouncing off the dancing sunlight. And with her girlfriend still sleeping in bed, barely staying awake with her arms tucked tightly with the blanket, Elsa simply leaned into peck her forehead.

"Good morning, sleepyhead."

"Mm… gmmoh…"

"Well, you sound quite awake."

"Shweep… wih me…" was Anna's lazy response.

"Shh…" Her tender fingers crawled through Anna's scalp. "It's okay, honey. You can sleep more."

"Wih you… pwease…" She draped her arm lazily over Elsa's shoulder.

"In a bit, alright?" Elsa whispered, another kiss drawn on Anna's skin. Simply with that, Anna didn't bother to give another barely-coherent response. Again, that was preferred. And with that, satisfied and so very much in love, Elsa got back in her seat. She stared at her little canvas, then to her girlfriend… only to find her only reference being completely different now that Anna had moved.

Well, if it mattered, Elsa would have stopped sketching. But she didn't. While her memories weren't the best of the best, she'd always remember her girlfriend's features. With the tip of her pencil just barely touching her paper, she paused. She didn't need to finish this now. She didn't need to finish this any time soon. It was for her own safekeeping, almost like a small diary. Having to already given so much to Anna already - and many more would come in the future - Elsa wanted to keep this little thing to herself.

She realized titling an art piece could be just as difficult as drawing one, but this one? Instantly, all she ever thought about was her lover. So, on a small bottom corner, Elsa slowly wrote 'Anna' and her signature just below it.

It scared her - truly scared her, in knowing the fact that she couldn't do anything else but wallow in her own misery. Anna had never been truly like this for a long time - couldn't ever possibly imagine being so stuck in life with a person that seemingly had provided nothing but mixed feelings. She understood, really. The sheer frustration of being physically disabled… the sheer will of wanting to be able again, but having to be driven and pushed back to the very start just couldn't be considered a nuisance anymore. It was a barricade, serving to keep Elsa from embracing that will.

How ironic. Or should it be considered a coincidence with both women having to experience such a similar experience of frustration? Anna couldn't be bothered by that complex thought right now. Her only will, no matter how reluctant her heart felt, served just to love Elsa as much as she could. Though, after having to be with Elsa alone in their home for the first time, having to understand how Elsa was feeling… having to care so much about Elsa's hurtful words, Anna found it extremely hard to love the person that Elsa had become. Or was it… the Elsa that she had been?

Still, while her thoughts were swallowed by the darkness, her body wasn't giving up on Elsa. Her long session of crying to herself, reflecting on her own thoughts in the bathroom had ended the moment the sun had set, and the evening glow had drenched the living room with its colors. Perhaps… the silence was better, and it was just better this way to stay away from each other for a while.

And throughout the hours that Anna had been by herself, she organized Elsa's room the way the blonde would have liked it, and managed to cook dinner - well, with the best of her abilities, of course. Though, while she had tried her best to push away the nagging thought of what she should say to Elsa, she knew they both wanted things to be normal. It shouldn't have been such a big deal anyway.

But Anna never considered this a small deal either because, no matter what, as far as Anna was concerned, Elsa would never make her cry like this. But how could Anna ever try to blame the girl? They barely knew each other - and, yes, as Elsa continued to process everything that had happened… Anna's only wish was for this process to go faster. Then, perhaps, Anna would be able to tell her the truth.

With food having already been cooked, Anna finally gathered the courage to walk down the hall and knock on Elsa's bedroom door. "Hey, Elsa? Dinner's ready."

After a few seconds of silence, assuming that Elsa was still taking her nap, Anna opened the door. The curtains were joined together, leaving Elsa's room in the dark. A large lump under the blanket on the bed shifted, and a small peek of Elsa's hair over the cover met with Anna's gaze. The girl wasn't sure how she should approach this. Elsa wasn't too much of a heavy sleeper, but sometimes, Elsa would be overcome with exhaustion anyway.

And Anna's excuse was that the blonde had been sleeping for four hours now. With gathered courage, Anna flipped the light switch on, earning more rustling and a groan from Elsa's bed. With a sigh, Anna did nothing more than to just approach her bedside, her hand shaking Elsa's shoulder. "Come on, Elsa. Let's eat. You're hungry."

The moment of silence was filled with dread - that perhaps… Elsa really wasn't feeling well and she needed to go to the hospital. Never would Anna have thought about such a thing, and as soon as she felt a shift of her hand from Elsa's body, she finally relaxed. Her face slowly recovered out from the blanket, blue eyes blinking tiredly on the ceiling. Unsure of what to say, unsure of what to do, all Anna managed to accomplish was gawking at her roommate like an idiot.

"Is it… dinner time?" Elsa's hoarse voice questioned.

"Yeah, do you want me to bring it to you here?"

She shook her head, managing to sit up - at least, she knew she could sit up by herself. Finding that Elsa was also trying to grab her crutches standing next to the nightstand, Anna allowed her. After their little banter hours ago… Anna now knew that she shouldn't get in her way, especially with doing such mundane stuff. Learning how to walk again was hard enough, but even something as simple as trying to grab something from the distance could be just as hard. And Anna had to understand some people prefer to learn on their own - which was so like Elsa.

Of course, in a heartbeat, after trying to gather herself, Elsa finally managed to stand. The silence was just a tad bit awkward, but Elsa's tight smile towards Anna relieved a bit of… well, her worries from earlier. Finally, with the mood being less heavier than before - maybe because Elsa had just finished taking her nap, Anna confidently set herself aside to let Elsa out.

"Sorry, I usually don't cook dinner, but… I hope it suits your taste," Anna began, following Elsa from behind.

"It's okay. I cooked then?"

"Usually, yeah." She smiled, taking Elsa's elbow as she guided them towards the dining table. "And you were a fantastic cook."

Elsa managed a chuckle, sitting just the opposite side from Anna. Her eyes wandered at their simple dinner of pasta and a few side dishes. "Well, I would've thought you were the cook with how good this looks."

"Don't flatter me. It's just something simple," Anna stated, pouring the blonde a glass of water. In the moment that they had been together for dinner, Anna knew exactly why Elsa was staring at her. She knew exactly why those eyes glistened, almost too shameful… and as if a rock had been caught up in her throat, Anna voiced out none of her thoughts.

It was quite awkward, really - sitting together, eating dinner in silence with the background noise consisting of the cars honking down the streets and the large party noise that seemed to be going on from the floor above. She missed it - being loud with her girlfriend… talking about random things. Only, what was there to talk about now?

"I'm sorry," two words whispered out of Elsa's lips.

Picking her eyes up from her food, Anna turned her attention to the older woman. I shouldn't be so cold-hearted… you know why she's like this. Accept it.

Inhaling deeply, Anna pressed her lips together in a smile, her hands folded on the table. Whatever she wanted to say… well, she simply wasn't sure if she should say it anymore. Deep down, she knew the things what Elsa had said to her shouldn't be taken so seriously. But what was going to stop her from rerunning every single thought in her mind like a tape recorder, thinking that it was her previous self that had said those words? "No, you have nothing to apologize for."

"Anna -"

"You're right in the fact that you should learn how to walk by yourself. I won't help you with that anymore, as long as you ask." Her brows furrowed. "But you're wrong by saying that you're stupid. The accident was never your fault… so never, ever insult yourself because of something that you had no control over." It was as calmly as she could say all of this, but under the table, her legs and hands were trembling like an earthquake had taken place. She'd never know what to say in situations like this, but because it was Elsa… because it was someone with the mentality that seemed a lot less mature than her, she was able to say those words without stumbling.

She watched as Elsa continued to hold their gaze together. Unexpectedly, when Anna thought she'd see a frown, Elsa's lips lifted to a joyful smile. Longing, even. "You know… it feels like you're talking to my old self."

The redhead froze. "Does it seem like that?"

"It's like you're scolding me to not talk about myself that way… but I know what you mean. I think I was just… angry with the situation. Not with you, though, even if it seemed that way." She paused. " And I… heard you crying, as well."

Of course she did. Anna swiped her hand over her face, waiting for a burst of laughter or… anything while Elsa continued. All she got, as she glanced at the blonde's face again, was a worried expression. And, perhaps, it struck home way too fast because she looked exactly like how she would when there was something bothering her. Eyebrows scrunched together, developing a small valley between them, her nose wrinkling… her eyes reflecting nothing else but Anna. Anna almost hated the sight - hated the reminder. Hated that girl was just a shell of her girlfriend.

Anna quickly shook he head once she gathered herself together. "Don't worry, Elsa. It's… not a big deal -"

"I've… said those mean things. I know it's me. I just don't understand why you care so much. Why, Anna?" Understand. Please understand. Please understand so I don't have to bear the burden of having to tell you.

Under the table, Anna's hands gripped tightly on her knees, her jaw clenched together. She really didn't want to say it, because there weren't enough lies to cure both of their heartaches. There weren't enough lies to pretend that everything was okay… when in reality, Anna felt like the whole world depended on her and that one lie. Yet, she still took it upon herself to give Elsa some relief.

"I'll be the first to admit…" she finally started. "I felt like I was losing my best friend. She would never say these things. She would… never self-destruct like that."

Elsa glanced down, seemingly shamefully. Oh, it would be a dream come true if Elsa realized how much she had changed for the better these past few years. Even on the very first day that Elsa had woken up, Anna's whole being felt empty of any feeling of love and warmth… because it wasn't her. "I changed… that much huh?"

Sadly, there was just so much that Elsa had to learn about herself. While Anna really tried her hardest to believe that Elsa would change, she was now beginning to doubt her very strength to come back to being the person Anna knew. Still, a single belief is belief. It wasn't much, and perhaps, it wouldn't be much help, but it was better and easier of Elsa was shown who she used to be.

"Here," Anna took out her phone out of her pocket, and with a few taps on her buttons, a video started playing. She didn't need to see what was on the screen, all she wanted was to see Elsa's reaction. Her own eyes, showing nothing more than just pure emptiness and exhaustion, stayed completely on the person in question across from her.

On the screen, as Anna placed her phone in front of Elsa, was a shaky scene just when the camera was entering her office, Elsa sitting behind her desk and computer in concentration. The disregard shown on her face as Anna barged into her room, coming across towards her desk was almost… well, it was intimate.

"And here we have Elsa Arendelle in her natural habitat," Anna whispered, mimicking a narrator's voice. It immediately caught Elsa's attention, prompting a curious eyebrow to be raised up, yet, she still said nothing. "Whoa, look out!" Anna quickly took a few steps to get behind Elsa, the camera pointed completely right at her lover.

"Anna, what are you doing?"

"Shh! Silence! This is her territory… and any sign of life that comes in will be in immediate danger. Anyone who speaks will be ten times more in danger! Only if she finally decides to get her ass off her desk first."

Elsa giggled in disbelief, shaking her head as she continued to do her work, fingers tapping away on her keyboard. "Anna, you're impossible."

"Oh! The white leopard speaks! Careful… we don't want to taunt her too much."

"This white leopard has a lot of things to do, so if this little bunny continues to stay here, she won't have a clue what's going to bite her."

"Oh!" Anna gasped in pretend. "The white leopard is threatening. What should we do, ranger? Shkk, shkk, you must get closer to the white leopard, soldier!"

"You and your ranger should get out of here, or else, in ten seconds -"

"Oh shit! Quick! We need to leave this territory before her claws and fangs come biting into us!" The shaky camera work showed nothing other than Anna's feet scrambling for the door like it was all taken place in a horror story. In the background, other than Anna's heavy breathing, was Elsa's loud laughter sounding down the hall before her phone abruptly shut off.

Deep down, after multiple viewings back then, Anna knew exactly what happened after that scene. The camera, of course, continued to roll. Elsa had come out of the room, tackling the girl down with a hug. Kisses happened. Teasing happened. All the love and joy. Anna could barely watch Elsa's reaction right now, how could she ever show the whole scene to her?

Putting her phone back in her pocket, Anna's only question was, "so… does that take care of some of the things that you've been worried about?"

Of course, she fully expected Elsa to look completely stunned. Her mouth gaped open in shock, her eyes still glancing at the spot where the phone occupied… and her limbs were unmoved. Finally, as if ten minutes of silence had passed, Elsa scoffed at herself, her hands running through her own hair. "That's… that's me?" she whispered, emphasizing the last word with heartbreak.

Anna only nodded.

Gulping, Elsa finally gathered herself with another intake of breath, a smile pursed tightly on her face. While it seemed like Elsa was accepting of the fact that was completely different from the woman in the video, Anna could feel her sense of shame. If anything… they really should be sharing that shame and work things out together. But for once, after today, Anna was absolutely exhausted from everything that she didn't have the strength to feel negative or positive.

"You… miss me, don't you?" Elsa questioned, quietly. Oh, it was something that Anna wasn't sure how she should answer. Say yes, and she'd be risking the fact that Elsa would know their true relationship. Say no… and, perhaps, Elsa would be completely heartbroken. In the end, all Anna did was glance at her with pity.

Seemingly, Elsa didn't see to really care. "I always wondered what I was like. To know why you cried like that. I guess I got my answer now. I'm sorry, Anna."

"It's not your fault," was Anna's quiet answer, her arms crossed together loosely around her stomach. "You wouldn't have known. Listen…" she placed her hand on the table, expecting Elsa to hold it, which she did almost immediately, "we're gonna get through this okay? You're going to get a lot of attention from me, and I know you probably wouldn't enjoy that, but it is how it is. Soon enough, you're going to feel so much better."

"I hope I do."

"Tell you what," Anna smiled, her hand squeezing Elsa's. "For the next… week or so, you're going to go on a self-discovery trip. You're going to read your books - because I know you like reading books -" Knowingly, Elsa mirrored her same smile, almost blushing, even. " - You're going to go through your computer files to look at all your… I don't know, your designs or something. And we'll drive to the library or the book store, or whatever you need by the end of it, okay?"

The face that Elsa made, the relief shown glistening in Elsa's eyes quickly filled Anna with the joy that she knew she wouldn't have any idea how to deal with. Right now, it simply felt like she was taking care of a baby kitten, and she was just so tempted to run her fingers through Elsa's hair because there was nothing more precious than to see that girl smiling so happily. At the very least, that smile calmed all of Anna's anxiety and hurt.

"Do I get to drive my car?" Elsa questioned, having already let loose from all the tension today.

"No, you don't get to drive your car."

"Stinker."

"I know."

a/n; God, she's so cute and wonderful, but even writing this, i'm actually missing the past elsa as well ;-;