Unlike many of the other lesbian parents we knew, we had never sorted out whether one of us would be "Mama" and the other "Mommy." We never made up cute nicknames for ourselves, like "Mama S" and "Mommy R." Some women we knew had opted for cultural or linguistic variations on the word "mother," like the Hebrew "Imah" or the Spanish "Mami," but none of those felt right. We didn't worry about it. Instead, we figured that Rowan would come up with his own names for his moms. "Kids are smart," we said. "He'll figure it out."

And he did. After hearing his whole life us saying versions of, "This mommy is cooking — ask other mommy to put your shoes on," or, "This mommy will read you one more book, and then your other mommy will take you upstairs for bed," he now calls us — quite sensibly — "This Mommy" and "Other Mommy."

Guess who's Other Mommy?



At least, mercifully, he eventually shortened it to "Uh-Mommy," or "Uh-mum," which actually sounds quite sweet — if you don't know what it means.

But I know what it means. And while being Mama non Grata has its perks, especially now that I am 37 weeks pregnant with baby number two and can use all the breaks I can get, little stings quite as much as my crying toddler pushing me away because he wants his This Mommy. Suddenly, I'm on the outside, the fifth wheel at the playdate.