Arminian Feeling Pretty Saved Today

SEATTLE, WA—Stating that he’d had a good feeling about his eternal fate ever since having his morning coffee, local man Steve Devlin confirmed Tuesday that he was “feeling pretty darn saved today.”

Though he reportedly can not put his finger on exactly why, he nonetheless feels a wonderful rest down in his soul.

“Yesterday was a little dicey, though,” Devlin admitted to sources. “I’d been struggling with some sins and just had a general sense of malaise, so I was only about, maybe 25% sure of my salvation.”

Devlin also stated that a bad day at work and a fight with his wife had further contributed to his feeling that he had potentially lost his justification before God at some point on Monday.

But the 37-year-old said all of that changed Tuesday, as he woke up after eight straight hours of sleep feeling refreshed and is now “probably 95% confident” of his salvation wrought by God through Christ Jesus.

“I’ve just got a really good feeling today. I’m almost sure that my eternal fate is presently secure,” he said. “Praise the Lord for the blessed assurance we have in Christ!”

Devlin went on to reveal to sources that he was pretty sure his salvation was secure for a while—“maybe even through the weekend.”

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