In the late '90s, if you were a rock star and had a tale to tell, you told it on VH1's Behind the Music. Apparently, this applied even if you weren't technically a real person, because Chris Gaines got his very own episode. It's everything the Mötley Crüe Behind the Music gave us, and so much more.

Called Behind the Life of Chris Gaines, this special somehow made Gaines even more absurd. Within two minutes, we learn about the time he brought a chainsaw on tour. Billy Joel shows up for no reason other than to show he's Gaines' friend. They filmed a cheesy music video for Crush's "My Love Tells Me So." We also learn that, according to his awful record contract, he his manager owned everything he bought. He actually wasn't even signed to his label—his manager was. (Even the shadiest of real-life contracts don't work this way, but Gaines' world is clearly not our own.)

Perhaps silliest of all, however, is the special's constant reminders of Gaines' sex addiction. As his recording engineer put it, Chris "had babes at home, on the road, on the bus, on tour, off tour, in the studio, out of the studio, in a session, out of a session, at clubs and bars." Ex-girlfriends and groupies aplenty offer up extra reassurance Chris Gaines can't stop, as he calls it, "communicating." The special notes his "vice" almost killed him, though they never really explain how.

Truth be told, we don't need The Lamb. VH1 gave fans all the Chris Gaines goodness they could possibly handle.