One of the most celebrated scientist-economists of our generation – Maharshie Maanus – has claimed to have unearthed the biggest conspiracy against India. According to the fat prodigy, nefarious agents from China have infiltrated the inner sanctum of the Indian economy – the Reserve Bank – and subtly influenced the fundamental design decisions undertaken by the apex financial regulator. The new rupee and two rupee coins look almost identical – this, as Maharshie Maanus explains, was not by chance.

The Chinese Coin Conspiracy, as Maharshie Maanus has coined the conspiracy, looks pretty innocent at first sight. However, a deeper macro-economic analysis reveals that it might actually be the topmost cause of India’s sluggish growth rate over the past few years. Poring over a thick stack of papers filled with calculations Maharshie Maaus said, “We at X-Labs constructed a first-approximation model of the effects of introducing two almost similar-looking coins, but of different denominations, in the market. We did this as our HS101 project.The economic effects of such an ill-advised step are of ginormous proportions.”

Not only are the new coins almost impossible to be used by the blind, even normal people have to spend an extra few seconds distinguishing between them. “The average time for completing any transaction involving the use of coins has increased by over 20% since these new coins were introduced in 2006. Earlier the coins could be identified very simply, as their shapes, sizes and even colours were quite dissimilar. However, differentiating between these new coins takes at least a few seconds, thus introducing an unnecessary delay in every transaction.”

“Though these delays might be individually insignificant, when we look at the macro perspective of more than a billion people wasting a few seconds on every transaction ever conducted, these lost seconds combine to a staggering total of 53.7 million man hours each year. This is according to our rough and rather conservative estimates,” explained internist Arjun Rao, who worked on this research project under Maharshie Maanus.

To put things in perspective, the total man-hours lost would be equal to a 22,000 times the man-hours required to build the Taj Mahal. If this lost productivity were recovered, we could theoretically achieve a growth rate at least 10% higher than the current.

“Even the appearance of the five rupee coin is tending towards its cheaper brethren. The Chinese conspire deep,” said the Maanus in a deeply thoughtful mood, the concerns of the nation weighing down upon his chubby shoulders.

A true patriot, the Maanus.