The gamer-centric chat software Discord is now striving to strengthen its monetization platform in the form of Discord Nitro, which comes with additional features at the cost of a small monthly subscription. But changes are on the way: starting next month, any user enjoying Discord’s voice chat for free will find that every single sentence they utter is swiftly cut short by a connection gap, always in the same fucking spot, no matter how many times they repeat themselves.

“We’ve got a really astounding team working on this feature,” said CEO Jason Citron in the official announcement. “The AI will even notice when you reword your sentence, making sure that the part that gets cut is always the most important to understanding the meaning. Connection interruptions have frequently been a problem for Discord, so we figured, insteading of spending money to improve our servers, why not make a little money?”

“We’ve already started testing this feature with an extremely small portion of our user base,” Citron continued. “If you’ve had this sort of experience before while using Discord, it means you are extraordinarily, horrendously unlucky, as this is in no way the norm. Until now.” Discord developers have also toyed with omitting negatives such as “not” from users’ phrases, forcing them to unwittingly convey the exact opposite of what they meant.

“Some have described this change as taking the service ‘hostage,’ but that couldn’t be further from the truth. A hostage situation involves highly trained officials negotiating for the safe release of the detained, but I would like to assure our loyal fanbase that there is absolutely nobody coming to save you.”

This change, which is already up on the Public Test Build, will go live to all users in a patch expected to arrive late next month. Discord serves many purposes, from high-octane competitive gaming to just having conversations with your friends, but no matter how you use the program, it looks like the team is reaffirming its commitment to making Discord the obnoxious fucking hassle it was always meant to be.

But I’ll be fucked if I’m switching back to Ventrilo.