I take a deep breath and step from my room, walking slowly towards Autumn’s. As I walk, I can hear her singing and strumming on her guitar softly.

“The tragedy it seems unending. I’m watching everyone I look up to break and bending. We’re taking shortcuts and false solutions just to come out the hero.” She sings.

Who is she meaning by that? I close my eyes and lean my head against her door. Her voice sends chills through my body. Chills different than the ones Sidney gives me. I take another breath and quietly open her door.

“Well, I can see behind the curtain. The wheels are cranking, turning the way we’re working towards a goal that’s not existent. It’s not existent but we just keep believing.”

What goal that’s nonexistent? I look at her. She stands with her back to the door, her body bent over the guitar I bought her a couple years ago. I feel a pull in my heart as I look at her. Her face is hidden from me, but I can hear a slight waver in her voice.

“I wanna know what it’d be like to find perfection in my pride, to see nothing in the light, just turn it off in all my spite. In all my spite, I’ll turn it off.”

Spite? Autumn doesn’t feel spite, does she? She’s the kindest person I know. Her song picks up. It’s one I’ve never heard before. I’m not sure if she wrote it herself or not. She probably did, she usually doesn’t do covers. She’s always told me her songs are her diary. Remembering that, I blush. What if she didn’t want me to hear this?

“And the worst part is, before it gets any better, we’re heading for a cliff. And in the free fall I will realize I’m better off when I hit the bottom.” She trails off, coming to an end.

I clear my throat and she freezes, her back straightening.

“Hey, Autumn.” I say quietly. “I uh, I just wanted to say…well, honestly, I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry is all I can come up with, but I still feel like that isn’t right.”

“It’s okay. I was the one that walked in without knocking. It was my fault. I’m sorry I ruined your…time with Sidney.” She puts her guitar away and turns to me.

“No, I should have, I don’t know, locked my door or something.”

“Your door doesn’t have a lock.” She smiles, amused.

“Right…”

“It’s okay, Levi. Really. We’re okay. I’ll just knock from now on. I’m surprised we haven’t run into this problem before.”

I nod, about to leave the room before I remember she did walk into my room. “What did you need?” I ask her.

“Hm?”

“When you walked in, what did you need?”

“Oh, uh, pizza is on the counter. I’m really tired. I’ll see you in the morning, kay?”

“Oh, sure. Goodnight, love ya.” I smile at her and step out of her room.

“Love you too.” I hear her say as the door clicks shut.

I stand in the hallway for a minute, replying everything in my head. Her song, her facial expressions, her body language, her words. Is she really okay? We don’t lie to each other, so she’s okay, right? She said she was.

I shake my head and let out a sigh. Are girls complicated, or am I just making this into something more for some reason? It’s not like it was that big a deal. I was cheating or anything. Autumn is just my best friend, not my girlfriend. Sidney’s my girlfriend, that’s why we were doing…that. I slowly make my way to my room. Justifying it doesn’t make me feel any better.

AN: Song is Turin It Off by Paramore