“Okay, Hisao. I have to go. Bye. Call me later if Hanako gets worse.” Lilly’s voice echoes through the phone. I open my mouth to respond, but the click that cuts me off tells me she’s already hung up.

Trust my own judgement. That’s what I’m deciding to do. I’ll go see Hanako, bring her some food maybe. I pause, looking down at my phone’s blank screen. What if Lilly was right? What if I...

No, there’s no use second guessing myself now. Somewhere distant, in the back of my head, I wish I’d asked her if she wanted to go to the city this past weekend. She would’ve said no, surely, but on the off chance she might have agreed... well, maybe I’d have a happy Hanako to hold onto and remind her of. Maybe if I’d done that, she...

God, what am I thinking? Something small as that wouldn’t change anything. I inhale, swiftly changing out of my school uniform. Just in case.

My phone rings. I jump. I don’t recognize the number, but I pick up anyway, just in case.

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this Hisao Nakai?”

I swallow. The voice is mature and dignified, but it shakes only ever so slightly. Something is wrong. “Yes. Who is this?”

Something rustles over the line. “The headmaster of Yamako Academy. That’s kind of a misnomer however, I generally don’t deal directly with students. This is a special case.”

Special... “What happened?” I’m shocked at my own ability to keep my voice steady.

“Lilly Satou is away, as you are likely aware. I contacted her, as I know she’s Hanako’s closest friend. She gave me this number...”

“Tell me what’s happening. Now.” My voice is beginning to quaver. The mention of Hanako has shattered my composure. My mouth is dry, and I feel my fist clench in a failed attempt to stop it from shaking.

“Ah...” He clears his throat, and the sound it suspiciously close to a cry. He doesn’t want to tell me this.

“Please.”

“Yes, of course... just one second.” The shuffling of papers is audible, and obviously fake. “I’m... calling those closest to Hanako to inform you that Hanako... was found dead earlier today.” He breaks off. I don’t respond. I can’t. “Suicide is most likely.”

My hand isn't shaking. I don't feel anything. My chest feels empty, as though everything I've ever felt has been disposed of as quickly as it came. "She..."

The line is silent. The headmaster isn't speaking. He won't.

"What...?" My voice is cracking, try as I might to maintain composure. "Where is she?"

"She's already gone. I'm sorry." There's a strange, awkward pause, and then a click. He hung up on me.

The bright sunlight pouring into my room suddenly seems mocking and cruel. I pull the curtains shut and opt for the dimmest of my lamps. Even so, any light feels wrong. I realize I'm not breathing, I realize I'm not blinking, I realize my heart rate is rising at a slow but sure rate, and I press a hand to my chest, fear gripping me but not in the same way it usually would. I'm gasping for air, suddenly, unable to calm myself. Each beat of my heart sends a sharp pain through my body, but I barely even process it. I barely process it. I barely process it. I barely process anything. I can't process anything.

Are my eyes closed? I can't see. Am I holding my breath? I can't breathe. I don't feel fear. I should be scared. I should be staggering as fast as I can to the nurse. I don't.

I can't move my legs. I can't think. I don't think I can move. Granted, I'm not trying.

Can emotions make your vision blur and suffocate you? I don't know, but I don't waste much energy pondering. Not that I'd be capable even if I wanted to.

I feel myself fall, the crash audible, but I don't feel any pain, even as I feel my head hit the side of my desk. I'll wake up. I'll wake up.