ENGLISH people who keep taking the piss out of Scotland are also baffled as to why the country might want independence.

After Nicola Sturgeon made a renewed call for independence, English loudmouths responded with tired stereotypes and jokes about fried food.

Builder Norman Steele said: “I don’t get why Scotland wants to cut itself off when they can be ruled by a more advanced country where we’re not pissed all the time or eating bags of offal in a bothy.

“If it wasn’t for English subsidies they couldn’t afford all their heroin, deep-fried Mars bars and hospitals for when they have a heart attack. That’s sort of a joke but I also think it’s true.

“Did I mention bagpipes? And what about the Loch Ness monster, it’s just a log and they think it’s a dinosaur.”

Sales manager Nikki Hollis said: “A backward country like Scotland doesn’t have any industry, just some shacks in the highlands making whisky and souvenir golf accessories.

“They’ve got a pretend parliament but we’re in charge really, like when my toddler ‘helps’ me with the cooking and I just let her mess around with some gravy granules then throw it away.”

Scot Tom Logan said: “I used to be opposed to nationalism but after meeting enough English pricks I’ve started wearing a kilt, woad and a claymore, which is unusual for a GP.”