Despite going up as champions, supporters are unhappy about rises in ticket prices at Loftus Road

The club

We are QPR

A club where fans and financiers come together as one. So long as they actually are one, of course. For supporters without high-falutin' city jobs the message is clear: remortgage or relocate.

Bonus culture or EU bailout?

Co-owner Flavio Briatore's £125m fortune looks positively Lilliputian when compared with the considerably less pocket-sized, er, pockets of Lakshmi Mittal (who has £17bn in the bank) and Bernie Ecclestone (£1.4bn). For all that money-making nous they still declared a £13.7m loss in their 2010 accounts – nothing a bit of Premier League slush money and £72-a-ticket gate receipts won't sort out. Ecclestone has admitted he is in talks about a potential sale of his 69% stake.

They'd bite your hand off if you offered them …

A way to get rid of that nasty, lager-swilling, ill-fitting-polyester-hoop-shirted mob who have traditionally called themselves QPR fans and replace them with Boden-clad brogue-wearing blokes who would think nothing of blowing their ludicrous banking bonuses on tickets priced at Chelsea-shaming levels to watch a team desperately try to come 17th. Briatore describes this vision as a "boutique club".

Reality check

Thousands of fans who can't afford to buy tickets any more adopting the first syllable of "boutique" and repeating it at great volume from the car park, which is suddenly as close to the action as they can afford to get.

What the fans sing

Nasty things about Chelsea.

What the fans should sing

Money (Barrett Strong).

One to follow on Twitter

Daniel Shittu is @danshittu

"Just watched two pointless movies. What a waste of time"

The players

This is England

Already with an unusual number of English accents in the dressing room, QPR added a couple of genuine internationals in the shape of Jay Bothroyd and Kieron Dyer, who Neil Warnock acclaimed as having "something to prove". Such as whether he can still walk.

Overseas aid

Adel Taarabt was the Championship's fourth highest scorer, the top assist-maker and had more shots on and off target than anyone else. He was also wildly stroppy and substituted more than any other player in England. His success is all down to Warnock: "He has been like a father."

Heart and soul or captain caveman?

Experienced goalkeeper Paddy Kenny can be relied upon to safely grab anything that comes his way, including an enormous variety of player-of-the-season awards.

Teenage kicks

The Portuguese midfielder Bruno Andrade scooped the young player of the season award in April, which given that he made just two substitute appearances, of which the only one at Loftus Road lasted for two tiny minutes, suggests that there wasn't a lot of competition.

Mad, bad and dangerous to know

Warnock recalls the night when as Bury manager he first scouted Kenny, "a porky lad" who seemed "a likeable rogue". That was 1998 – Warnock snapped him up then and 13 years, two further transfers, one failed drug test and a famously bitten-off eyebrow later, the pair remain inseparable.

The manager

Paid the cost to be the boss

Over 30 years, seven promotions and a host of discip-linary flare-ups have moulded Warnock into the jocular manager of the people he is today, and provided him with the wisdom and patience to control (some of) the manic snarling rages of the past.

Clogger or tiki-taka?

Last season's title was won by a combination of defensive discipline and the unfettered creative talents of Taarabt in attack. The Moroccan remains, but whether Premier League strikeforces will be as cowed by Kaspars Gorkss and Matthew Connolly as their Championship brethren has got to be doubtful.

On his to-do list

Convincing the bosses that the right man to create the cultured club of their dreams is a burly 62-year-old with a Yorkshire accent and a slightly menacing mien. Should invest in a sun bed, a facelift and some things made from cashmere.

The advice Sepp Blatter might give to your club

"You're trying to trick me and I claim my £5. Cash is fine. As long as the Queens Park Rangers refrain from any sexual activities if some guys make Qatar 2022 then everything is hokey cokey."

Rule change

Two Scottish teams masquerading as one English club should mean the end of the home nations' independent status.