GOLDSBORO, NC—According to eyewitness accounts, an insatiable droplet of water charged down the windowpane of a local residence Wednesday, gluttonously consuming everything in its way as it carved a streak of watery carnage across the glass. “It was absolutely voracious—that crazy drop just shot down the window like a goddamn maniac,” said gawking onlooker Eric Frye, noting that the rapacious bead of water had cannibalized dozens of other unsuspecting drops during its wild, ravenous plunge. “It started off a little haltingly, but then it just kept getting faster and faster, and when that crazed drip got down to the middle of the window it just took off. It was insane. The droplets in its path never had a chance.” At press time, sources confirmed that the water drop, bloated and possibly repentant after its deranged binge, had pooled on the exterior windowsill and was considering throwing itself off the ledge to the ground below.

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