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Not content ordering from the menu? Need to have that extra little bit of class that comes from “knowing the chef”?

Here it is, your guide to secret menu items. Sure, it’s not the secret rib eye at Nobu, but it’s something. Before reading this please note that this article has not been fact-checked. This report is based purely on reader suggestions. We are posting them entirely without confirmation and are not going to try to order any of this crap in order to confirm its existence. We would die of heart disease, be broke, and our ass would be the size of Texas. This is the internet, the internet is not fact-checked, and these are your secret menu items. Enjoy.

Taco Bell: Everything Taco Bell makes is comprised of a few basic ingredients, so they’ll likely make anything they have the stuff for, which is probably pretty much anything they’ve ever served. Examples to attempt: Cheesy Gordita Crunch, Cheesy Fiesta Potatoes, Encharito.

Wendy’s: A tipster tells us, “order a “Grand Slam”, It would otherwise be called a Classic Quadruple, were it on the menu.” Reader bringafajita suggests trying to get a “Quarter Pound Double Stack with Cheese.” FishingCrue tells us to try “Everything” (lettuce and tomato) on a Wendy’s Double Stack, sometimes it’s even free. If they look at you like you’re crazy, tell them there’s a button for it. A double stack with everything, add bacon is a decent sandwich for somewhere south of 2 bones.”

Chipotle: Chipotle will, like Taco Bell, make anything they have the ingredients for. Unlike Taco Bell, this is an official policy. Some suggestions: Nachos, Quesadilla, Individual Tacos, Taco Salads, Tiny Bean Burritos Using Taco Shells, Fresh Cilantro on Your Tacos, whatever you can think of.

Subway: Subway will still make the “pizza sub,” and many other former menu items. Also, they can’t sell “broken cookies,” so they may give you some for free.

Jamba Juice: Jamba has an entire secret menu of “unhealthy” smoothies named after things that would involve copyright violations were they to be included on the menu. The ones we know of:White Gummi Bear, Red Gummi Bear, Green Gummi Bear, Raspberry Dreamin’, Pineapple Dreamin’, Sourpatch Kid, Tropical Tango, Pacific Passion, Berry Depressing, Now and Later, Peanut Butter and Jelly, Apple Pie, Fruity Pebbles, Rainbow Sherbet, Strawberry Shortcake, Push Pop, Skittles, Andres’ Surprise, and Lemonade Lightnin’. (Thanks,ronaldscott!)



In-N-Out Burger: Has their “secret” menu posted on their website, but a tipster writes in: “Not only can you get an animal style burger but you can also get animal style fries which are amazing. It’s fries piled with onions, cheese and sauce and they come with a fork.” In addition, we hear several voices calling from the mist, whispering that the secret menu doesn’t stop at 4 x 4., but may, in fact, go on to infinity. Or at least to 100 x 100…

(Thanks, xapplexjuicex!)

Starbucks: Starbucks will make you absolutely anything you want no matter how insane it is, according to our tipster.

“Baristas might try and tell their customers that no, we can’t do that with the blenders. This is a lie. Starbucks corporate policy is that the customer is ALWAYS right (even when the request is stupid). If you really insist that you want your iced soy latte blended, the baristas HAVE to do it. If they continue to refuse, ask to speak to a manager and either they’ll realize they’re about to get in trouble and will fill your request, or the manager will come out and politely tell the barista to make the customer happy. Absolutely any concoction that you can think of (involving any type of milk, syrup, coffee, etc.) will be made for you. The limits to Starbucks “secret menu” are merely the limits of your imagination. You can even bring supplements from home and ask the barista to please include that in your drink.”

Well, damn.

Dairy Queen: Reader Falconfire says: “I couldn’t even begin to tell you the list of Dairy Queen secret menu items. Lets put it this way, there is a huge book every DQ has to have, you want it, it’s in there. It may not be listed as a item, but the instruction on how to make it and what to use are in there as well as how it is rung up. About the only thing they cant make is seasonal items, since they usually require a ingredient not carried normally.”

Chili’s: According to Reader Elara, they no longer have chili on the menu (what?) but if you ask them, they’ll bring you a cup.

Blimpie: Attention veggie-lovers: Reader VeryFancyBunny says: “Blimpie used to have a sandwich called the “Cheese Trio” on the menu. They took it off years ago (at least around here), but I’ve been able to order it with no problem. Otherwise, all their sandwiches involve meat.”

Burger King: Try the “mustard whopper,” a whopper with mustard rather than mayo, from Reader dwneylonsr, and the “veggie whopper” from VeryFancyBunny, which is just a whopper with the meat omitted. Reader sixtoe suggests attempting to get the “Bull’s-Eye BBQ Burger.”

Popeye’s: mullenite suggests ordering the “Naked Chicken,” which is chicken with no breading. Sounds very Atkins.

TGIFriday’s: Readers junkmail and mullenite tell us that TGIF have a “Five Easy Pieces” policy that says they’ll make anything you want with the crap they’ve got in the kitchen.

Denny’s: Speaking of Five Easy Pieces, Reader weave says: “Don’t expect a secret menu at Denny’s. I went in there and asked for a grilled cheese sandwich and they were baffled. They finally decided to give me Moons over My Hammy and toss out the ham — and charge me the full price for it.” Did she hold the ham between her knees?

and finally, at Arby’s: sixtoe likes the “French Dip.”

Thanks to everyone for sharing their knowledge of the wild and woolly world of nationwide chain restaurants. You are the heroes. Let your indigestion be a mark of your bravery.

Did we forget something? If you’d like to suggest an item for this guide, email tips [at] consumerist [dot] com. Put “Secret Menu” in the subject.

—MEGHANN MARCO

(Photo: cogdogblog)