Alright, so let’s talk about one of the internet’s favorite topics. (I’m looking at you Tumblr)

Queerbaiting.

If you don’t know what queerbaiting is, go watch Sherlock. We will wait.

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Still not getting it?

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OK, Back?

Yes, as you can see, one of the more popular forms of Queerbaiting is taking two ambiguously heterosexual people of the same gender and putting them in emotionally charged situations where they then act as a “traditional couple”. This is usually complete with overlong sensual staring and suggestive flirtatious phrasing.

It is often seen as a way to “appease the gays” or to show support for LGBT people without pissing off the “average American”.

Does that sound patronising to you?

Good. Because it is. It really really is.

I have a dog in this horse race because I am queer. (His name is Shep but that’s beside the point)

And I remember the first time I saw someone like me on TV. It wasn’t a positive moment in my young life. Far from it. The first time I saw someone like me on TV she was the object of ridicule and it made me feel about two microns tall. So I can’t help but wonder about all the young queer audience that sees shows like

Supernatural

or Merlin

or even Warehouse 13 which had a canon gay male character but still waffled on the (more risky for its timeslot) lesbian relationship

The queer audience is presented a situation which feels familiar and then at the last second it is pulled away like the proverbial football of Charlie Brown specials. It is a slap in the face to have two characters persistently act as if they are forming a non-heterosexual relationship and then at the last second pull back and remind the audience that, No, these characters are really straight. Queerbaiting shows have the air of homage but the subtlety of blatant mockery. That is what makes it so hard to watch.

It is a constant reminder that our relationships are not acceptable. They are there only to entertain straight people and serve as titillation. I have been in Straight and Queer Relationships, and I can tell you with one thousand percent certainty that one of those relationships was valued by society and the other was not. That is not an easy space to live in, especially when even the shows you watch to relax and unwind remind you that your love is secondary and not worth representation.

Our lives are just as real as straight lives, our stories are just as important, our love just as deep and worthwhile. To give us a quiet nod is to relegate us to the back of the bus and then expect us to be grateful that we were even allowed on.

I’m not grateful. I’m furious. And I have every right to be.

And I am far from the only one. The issue is growing and the tide is turning.

There was a point when the little gestures were celebrated, when we were just happy for a moment out of the shadows.

This is no longer the 70’s and if writers and producers don’t stop acting like it is they are going to begin facing severe backlash. I am far from the first to say so.

But finally, after all that is said, I would be remiss not to point out one refreshing high point that shows how this conversation can be moved forward.

Last Month DC made Harley Quinn/Poison Ivy canon. They didn’t bind them in a monogamous relationship, they didn’t have to shift their storylines, they just acknowledged that yes, they have a lesbian relationship but they are adults and they are bisexual. And with that simple acknowledgement they validated the experiences of a huge swath of their readership looking for some healthy representation. It cost them nothing. Not a cent. But it made a difference for those of us outside the hetero-normative box, a huge difference.

So Props to DC.

And Congrats to Harley and Ivy.

Freaking Adorable.