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Jets tight end Kellen Winslow has responded to an allegation that the self-proclaimed soldier was performing training exercises in a Target parking lot before he was arrested for possession of synthetic marijuana last November.

According to a report from the East Hanover, N.J. Police Department, police responded to a call from a woman who said she saw Winslow’s erect penis and believed that Winslow was masturbating while sitting in his car. When they arrived, officers found the synthetic marijuana as well as two containers of Vaseline. Winslow’s publicist issued a statement denying Winslow was doing anything other than changing his clothes to mask the smell of the ersatz weed.

“Kellen pulled over to a parking lot to smoke what he thought at the time was a legal substance. He changed his clothes in his vehicle as not to smell like smoke when he returned home. There was absolutely nothing inappropriate that took place and if there was police would have investigated further and charged Kellen which they did not. This will be the only time we will comment on this unfounded and ridiculous claim.”

The two containers of Vaseline are ignored altogether in the statement, which may be for the best. The Jets, via Dom Cosentino of NJ.com, declined comment on any of it.