doingitwrongandlovingit:

Every year at CoxCon I, and my incredible staff, strive to create an experience that fans of all walks of life will enjoy and come back to for years to come. It’s not just a convention, it’s a purposefully smaller sized gathering of friends and fans to celebrate the insane community we’ve created over the course of nearly a decade.

At the con this past July an incident occurred that, despite my hope would blow over, has not. I figured if I said nothing, then reason would rule out and people would conclude that the whole thing was stupid and blown WAY out of proportion by people who did not attend. It has put needless strain on my friends and staff who run the con. So, as the owner and founder – as the person whose name is on the convention, I owe it to all of them to finally speak up.

In the opening Q&A of CoxCon, an event we have done every year to welcome everyone back and open the floor to fans to express themselves, a young man asked the question “Are Traps Gay?”.

Firstly, as a full-fledged member of the internet, I’m aware of the meme nature of the question. For those of you who don’t know a “Trap” could be defined as a man who while dressing like a woman appears very attractive OR a pre-op trans woman who is very attractive… (I’m sure there are other, possibly better definitions) and the “trap” part being finding this person attractive, only to find out they have a penis. So, the question is in essence: “Is it gay finding a feminine person with a penis, who hides their penis from you, attractive?” or something along those lines. It is as stupid as it sounds.

With that said then, I’m also very aware that because of the nature of the question, despite what many people have contested– this wasn’t asked out of genuine curiosity. The question asker was a young man, who saw his chance to make a risque joke on a livestream broadcast Q&A to get some kind of reaction – be it from me, or the crowd. It’s as simple as that.

Anyway, back to the event.

When the question was asked, I genuinely did not hear. Please, look at the video (it’s out there to watch). I did not know what he said at all. In fact, I had problems with many questions from the back due to the mic audio. It happens to more than just him if you watch the entire Q&A. Anyway, despite not hear him, what I DID hear and see were people in the front few rows literally mouthing “DO NOT ANSWER THAT” and cringing. So, I tried to avoid the question with a stupid politician response to move things along.

I know at this point you’re probably wondering, “Jesse, you’re apparently Mr. Internet – why couldn’t you make out what he was saying or figure out what was going on?” Because contextually, the concept of the meme has never been a thing I’ve ever associated with on my channel, in my content, or in anything I’ve ever done. It’s not something I can imagine bringing up in a let’s play. So, him randomly bringing it up at a Q&A is something I wouldn’t have expected. You’ll find after doing as many Q&As as I have done, nearly every question relates to your content or your life. Since this is neither something I consider part of my life or part of my content I couldn’t even have fathomed this was the question he asked.

ANWAY, for real, back to event.

That was, to my knowledge the end of the awkwardness. The panel eventually ended and I was off to a signing I had afterwards. I then went to several other scheduled events planned for that day of the con. It wasn’t until much later that I was told the young man was asked to leave for asking if traps are gay. When I asked what happened, I was told he upset several congoers with the question. So, he was asked to leave. Was it the best option, probably not. I would be lying if I hadn’t thought about it often. As a teacher, especially one who taught what the school considered “troubled youth”, I believe strongly in second chances. I would have liked to at least have talked with him about why he did it, or talked with those who were offended. To come to some conclusion that wasn’t so final.

Because, here’s the real truth of it. A young man made a joke, to get a reaction – and people reacted negatively. He misjudged his audience, and what was funny to him was not funny to others. I understand his anger, and outrage more than most would too. I have been him before. I too, as a comedian, have made jokes I thought were hilarious that then turned out to anger some people. And I didn’t understand why, I was convinced I had done no wrong. But with time, and reflection, I realized I had. I get why I got the reaction I did. There is a time and place for everything. In that moment, at that time, it was the wrong joke. It had no connection to the audience, to my fanbase, or to any video series, podcast, or anything I had done. It was a random internet meme used to comedic effect, that actually turned out to offend. Yes, real people, were really offended. Let’s not forget about them. So, the reaction he got was negative. What is funny on a forum to a select few, may not be the best bit of comedy for a large crowd. You live, you learn, and you accept the consequences of your actions. Just like I accept that because my name is on the con – some people are just going to keep harassing me about this for years to come, cause they think it’s a good laugh.

Anyway, no matter what happened – I always stick by my team, the con staff, and its workers. They have incredibly hard jobs and run a con that every year is compared with some of the best for its management. They made a very hard judgement call that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I know they took no pleasure in it. But understand that I support them completely, and will continue to support them in 2018 and for all the CoxCons to come.

