The results of a 250 couple survey on what makes relationships great.

Research on the most important relationship factors. Image source: Pinterest / Elannie Love

The longest happiness research in human history states that the single most important factor influencing our lives positively is our closest relationships. Learning that, I could not sleep and kept wondering. After all, I have been together with my husband for over 15 years and we have had our hard moments, but we have managed to not give up and get the great feeling back. I decided to make it a priority to myself — nurturing and taking care of my closest people. As well as figuring out ways how to spread this awareness.

Setting out to build a community for couples and help them keep a strong bond in the long term, I decided to ask 250 of them what they thought were the most important factors for keeping great relationships. So this is the beginning of the “be-with” movement — results of the first survey on relationship quality factors.

This is how the top 7 factors ranked, when couples were asked: What for you are the most important factors in keeping a great relationship?

Communication Trust Being together Physical contact Feelings Fun Freedom

#1 SHALL WE TALK?

Great relationship factor #1 — COMMUNICATION, Image source: Pinterest /Love to Last a Lifetime

The most popular factor is communication, however that does not mean just being chatty. This is about communication that expresses mutual respect, acceptance, tolerance and openness, that is done with a smile and no drama. Appreciation that shows attention, the ability to listen, understanding and patience. These are the top concepts ensuring good communication capabilities that in turn ensure strong partnership! 72% of the respondents have mentioned these qualities as the most important factor. According to Dr. John Gottman, who has spent over 40 years researching couples, this is indeed one of the top factors in determining if a relationship will be successful. It is essential to learn to express negative emotions kindly with understanding. It is crucial to remain positive even in the heat of a conflict and it is super important to respond to your partner’s contact requests. Without mastering communication there is little hope for a relationship to be great.

#2 TRUST

Great relationship factor #2 — TRUST, Image soure: Tumblr /gettingmelodiesoutofmyhead

This is not just about being truthful and trustworthy. Your partner needs to feel trust that arises from support, honesty and sincerity, a caring attitude that ensures willingness to help in any situation. These are the factors that appear to be most important to almost half of the respondents — 41% have mentioned this as the most essential factor. The mindset of relationship masters is: “When you’re hurt, baby, the world stops and I am listening.” If your partner is suffering any kind of crisis, you have to be there for them. Nothing in the world can be more important, if you are building that trust. Even if you are the one who hurt them, stop and ask, and figure out what is upsetting, why is it hurting. This is the basis of your relationship.

#3 BE WITH

Great relationship factor #3 — BEING TOGETHER, Image source: Pinterest /The New Yorker

There is no real need in being together all the time. It might even be undermining the relationship. However, almost one third — 27% of the respondents have mentioned time together and common interests and hobbies as the most important factor in determining a great relationship. If #1 Communication and #2 Trust are in place, there will be no need to request unlimited time together, however, a relationship is in essence about being with someone. An essential part of this being together is the quality of time spent together. While it might be enough to just sit next to each other and watch a movie, discussing what has been seen, afterwards, it is not the same to be in one room and each read a personal social network feed. No mobile devices involved would mean the best time together for the relationship.

#4 LET’S GET PHYSICAL

Great relationship factor #4 — PHYSICAL CONTACT, Image source: Tumblr /mapmakerns

This was a little surprising for me: not even one fourth of the respondents mentioned physical interaction as an important factor, those were 22%. These respondents mentioned that sex, touching each other, intimacy, kissing, cuddling and dancing were important factors. We could conclude that either most of the respondents are very satisfied with the physical contact they are having and thus it has not become an issue, or that indeed it is crucial to a lesser part, not the majority. However, research shows that physical interaction is highly influential and can have long lasting benefits both physically and emotionally, leading to better health, self respect and other major factors. This is exactly the reason why we have created special touch-through clothing for couple bonding — to remind us of the importance of touch and encourage more physical interaction every day!

#5 LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED

Great relationship factor #5 — FEELINGS, Image source: Pinterest /Andi

Might it be that the respondents of our survey have been mostly rational and a bit cynical? Less than one fifth of the respondents — 18% have mentioned feelings as the most important factor. These are the feelings of love, connection and friendship. Probably the essential thing to note here is that all the factors above contribute to what we call love and friendship. There is no love without communication, trust and without being together and the physical connection is surely contributing to it.

#6 A GOOD LAUGH IS ALWAYS GOOD FOR HEART

Great relationship factor #6 — FUN & HUMOR, Image source: Pinterest / Love couple

People joke that this is why humor is the anchor of a great relationship :) and 11% of the respondents have nominated humor, laughter and fun as the most important factor. A Buddhist monk once said: “Eat half, walk two times more, laugh three times more and love without a limit!” While the first two note the essence of our physical health, the last two are exactly about the factor of emotional wellbeing: laugh and love.

#7 FREEDOM

Great relationship factor #7 — FREEDOM TO BE YOURSELF, Image source: Tumblr /haricotsnoirs

While all the factors above are truly the most important ways to ensure any relationship being great, we should always remember that each of us as a person are crucial individually as well! It is more important for some personalities than other, and 6.5% of our respondents have mentioned that personal space and freedom are the most essential factor for them. Being oneself and being by oneself is imperative to feel good, and feeling good individually contributes to both partners in the couple. This being the final remark, that we need to allow space and freedom to our significant other, as that means respect and builds trust and afterwards ensures quality time together. :)

Wishing you to have a great New Year and long lasting love and appreciation in your relationship!

Be-with founder

Anna Andersone

P.S. According to research, touches are one of the most essential means of communication, holding hands and hugging can reassure and build trust, as well as strengthen your partner emotionally and physically. We encourage that and that is exactly the reason behind touch-through clothing, learn more here!