Ahead of Wednesday's impeachment vote in the House of Representatives, the President of the United States fired off a letter to the leader of that body, Speaker Nancy Pelosi, that was pretty Normal. We have grown accustomed enough to the reality-bending absurdities of this unfortunate era in human history that the appearance of a five-page-and-change letter on official White House letterhead that appears to be the transcript of some guy yelling at passing taxicabs on a street corner will be readily accepted as part of life. The president said "motherfucker" in a letter to the Speaker of the House? Call it Tuesday!

I recommend that you read the Very Normal Letter in full to get a sense of the flow of the thing, though you may want to strap on a Hazmat suit. In the unlikely case you do not want to venture directly into Reactor Number Four, below are the 29 most Normal lines to be found therein. Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States:

I write to express my strongest and most powerful protest against the partisan impeachment crusade.

You have cheapened the importance of the very ugly word, impeachment!

Even worse than offending the Founding Fathers, you are offending Americans of faith by continually saying "I pray for the President," when you know this statement is not true, unless it is meant in a negative sense.

It is a terrible thing you are doing, but you will have to live with it, not I!

Borderline Shakespearean.

I said do us a favor, not me , and our country , not a campaign. I then mentioned the Attorney General of the United States.

Now you are trying to impeach me by falsely accusing me of doing what Joe Biden has admitted he actually did.

Everyone, you included, knows what is really happening. Your chosen candidate lost the election in 2016, in an Electoral College landslide (306-227), and you and your party have never recovered from this defeat.

You have developed a full-fledged case of what many in the media call Trump Derangement Syndrome and sadly, you will never get over it!

You view democracy as your enemy!

OK Sir, here’s where you should put something about the Salem Witch Trials. Pool Getty Images

House Democrats introduced the first impeachment resolution against me within months of my inauguration, for what will be regarded as one of our country's best decisions, the firing of James Comey (see Inspector General Reports)—who the world now knows is one of the dirtiest cops our Nation has ever seen.

A ranting and raving Congresswoman, Rashida Tlaib, declared just hours after she was sworn into office, "We're gonna go in there and we're gonna impeach the motherf****r."

Congressman Adam Schiff cheated and lied all the way up to the present day, even going so far as to fraudulently make up, out of thin air, my conversation with President Zelensky of Ukraine and read this fantasy language to Congress as though it were said by me.

You and your party are desperate to distract from America's extraordinary economy, incredible jobs boom, record stock market, soaring confidence, and flourishing citizens. Your party simply cannot compete with our record: 7 million new jobs; the lowest-ever unemployment for African Americans, Hispanic Americans, and Asian Americans; a rebuilt military; a completely reformed VA with Choice and Accountability for our great veterans; more than 170 new federal judges and two Supreme Court Justices; historic tax and regulation cuts; the elimination of the individual mandate; the first decline in prescription drug prices in half a century; the first new branch of the United States Military since 1947, the Space Force; strong protection of the Second Amendment; criminal justice reform; a defeated ISIS caliphate and the killing of the world's number one terrorist leader, al-Baghdadi; the replacement of the disastrous NAFTA trade deal with the wonderful USMCA (Mexico and Canada); a breakthrough Phase One trade deal with China; massive new trade deals with Japan and South Korea; withdrawal from the terrible Iran Nuclear Deal; cancellation of the unfair and costly Paris Climate Accord; becoming the world's top energy producer; recognition of Israel's capital, opening the American Embassy in Jerusalem, and recognizing Israeli sovereignty over the Golan Heights; a colossal reduction in illegal border crossings, the ending of Catch-and-Release, and the building of the Southern Border Wall—and that is just the beginning, there is so much more. You cannot defend your extreme policies—open borders, mass migration, high crime, crippling taxes, socialized healthcare, destruction of American energy, late-term taxpayer-funded abortion, elimination of the Second Amendment, radical far-left theories of law and justice, and constant partisan obstruction of both common sense and common good.

Got it?

There is nothing I would rather do than stop referring to your party as the Do-Nothing Democrats.

After three years of unfair and unwarranted investigations, 45 million dollars spent, 18 angry Democrat prosecutors, the entire force of the FBI, headed by leadership now proven to be totally incompetent and corrupt, you have found NOTHING!

Few people in high position could have endured or passed this test.

There are not many people who could have taken the punishment inflicted during this period of time, and yet done so much for the success of America and its citizens.

In case it wasn't clear.

You completely failed with the Mueller report because there was nothing to find, so you decided to take the next hoax that came along, the phone call with Ukraine—even though it was a perfect call.

Did I do it right? Chip Somodevilla Getty Images

And by the way, when I speak to foreign countries, there are many people, with permission, listening to the call on both sides of the conversation.

You are the ones Obstructing Justice. You are the ones bringing pain and suffering to our Republic.

Before the Impeachment Hoax, it was the Russian Witch Hunt.

Yet, when the monstrous lie was debunked and this Democrat conspiracy dissolved into dust, you did not apologize. You did not recant. You did not ask to be forgiven. You showed no remorse, no capacity for self-reflection.

It's important to project when speaking publicly.

Once I presented the transcribed call, which surprised and shocked the fraudsters (they never thought that such evidence would be presented), the so-called whistleblower, and the second whistleblower, disappeared because they got caught, their report was a fraud, and they were no longer going to be made available to us.

More due process was afforded to those accused in the Salem Witch Trials.

There are no plans at this point to allow ghosts to testify in the Senate proceedings.

Your legacy will be that of turning the House of Representatives from a revered legislative body into a Star Chamber of partisan persecution.

Perhaps most insulting of all is your false display of solemnity.

One hundred years from now, when people look back at this affair, I want them to understand it, and learn from it, so that it can never happen to another President again.

Sincerely Yours,

Donald J. Trump, President of the United States of America

The person above is in charge of the most powerful military force in the history of the world.

Jack Holmes Politics Editor Jack Holmes is the Politics Editor at Esquire, where he writes daily and edits the Politics Blog with Charles P Pierce.

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io