Now I know that the Israeli Defence Forces are famous in song and legend. Humanitarian, courageous, self-sacrificing, restrained, willing to give their own lives for the innocents among their enemies, etc, etc.

Leon Uris’s Exodus – a racist, fictional account of the birth of Israel in which Arabs are rarely mentioned without the adjectives “dirty” and “stinking” – was one of the best pieces of Socialist-Zionist propaganda that Israel could have sought. Even Ben Gurion agreed, claiming that it was “the greatest thing ever written about Israel”, although he correctly dismissed any literary qualities this nonsense might have possessed.

But when the Israeli ambassador to the US told us (after almost 2,000 Palestinians had been slaughtered, most of them civilians) that the Israeli army should be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for its “unimaginable restraint” in the Gaza war, I had to glance at the calendar. Was it 1 April, perhaps? Was this some kind of gargantuan joke, so obscene, so grotesquely inappropriate, that it contained some inner meaning, some kernel of truth, which I had missed?

The Nobel Prize for “unimaginable restraint”, according to Ron Dermer, should have been solemnly handed out to an army which much of the world believes guilty of war crimes.

Now of course, Ron was talking to a Washington summit of Christians United for Israel, and his audience, despite a bit of heckling, was receptive enough. After all, Christian fundamentalists in the US believe all Jews must convert to Christianity after the Battle of Armageddon, so they could certainly support a Nobel prize or two for the Israeli army’s “unimaginable” restraint.

Oddly, I find myself more in awe of the word “unimaginable” – what does this mean, for heaven’s sake? – than the “restraint” which the West always begs of Israel when it is flattening villages and cities (along with their occupants) in its various civilisational wars. Besides, if the Nobel Peace Prize can be awarded to Obama – presumably for public-speaking – why not hand the wretched thing to the IDF after another bloody war?

In pictures: The children of Gaza Show all 30 1 /30 In pictures: The children of Gaza In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza Children playing at one of the Canaan Institutes outreach programs in Retal Kindergarten. This was their first day back since the war began In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza Children playing on the swings at one of the Canaan Institutes outreach programs in Retal Kindergarten In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza Animators dress up in bear costumes and entertain the children at one of the Canaan Institutes outreach programs in Retal Kindergarten In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza Issa Saaba, the director and founder of the Canaan Institute, Gaza City In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza A family digs through the rubble of their home in search for the bodies of relatives still buried inside. Beit Hanoun saw some of the heaviest fighting of the 51 day war with much of the neighborhood totally destroyed In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza This family from Sujayea had been digging for 4 days in the blistering heat attempting to recover some of their brothers recent wedding presents from inside their destroyed home. The densely populated district of Sujayea near the border with Israel was the scene of much of the worst fighting In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza This family from Sujayea had been digging for 4 days in the blistering heat attempting to recover some of their brothers recent wedding presents from inside their destroyed home. The densely populated district of Sujayea near the border with Israel was the scene of much of the worst fighting In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza The first day back to school and the streets of Gaza City are filled with children in the morning. The first 2 weeks were dedicated solely to psycho social support In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza Children sneaking a look at the performance taking place at one of the UNRWA schools in Gaza City on the first day back at school. The first 2 weeks were dedicated solely to psycho social support In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza The performance taking place at one of the UNRWA schools in Gaza City on the first day back at school. The first 2 weeks were dedicated solely to psycho social support In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza The birthday party of Umer at the Never Stop Dreaming Center, Gaza City. This event was funded by HOPE AND PLAY from a donation by Umer's parents who live in the UK In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza Children enjoying the last light on the beach, Gaza City. During the war no one dared venture onto the beach for fear of being targeted In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza On the weekends hundreds of people gather at the port as night falls to socialize, relax and swim In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza A young man kicks rocks past destroyed homes in Shujayea, one of the worst hit areas in Gaza City where unexploded ordnances are still an ever present threat In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza One of the children from the outreach program in at youth centre in northern Gaza close to the border with Israel In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza The home of young boy from Beit Hanoun was badly damaged by a drone attack. His family offered us what little food they had as ate with them on the street, shaded by what remained of their home In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza Animators lead the children through one of their games in an outreach program at youth centre in northern Gaza close to the border with Israel In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza Some children from a bedouin area in Eastern Gaza perform some of their dance routines for the rest of the class In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza Children from the Camp Breakerz dance crew show off their moves as Sharky looks on. Sharky started camp breakerz in 2012 and now it has dozens of children attending on a regular basis. Its a chance for them to let off a bit of steam as there are minimal extracurricular activities for children growing up in Gaza today In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza Dr’s from the Gaza Community Mental Health Program meet with a traumatised family in Gaza City who lost their father In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza Salma, who was traumatised, receives treatment at her home from the Gaza Community Mental Health Program in Gaza City. She had lost her 18 of her fmaily members when their family home was bombed In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza Children playing at the Nawa for Culture and Arts Association, Gaza City. The center was started in 2013 by Reem Abu Jabr and now helps dozens of children with various activities such as arts and crafts and dancing In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza Teachers sing with the young children at Childrens Land kindergarden in the bedouin village of Um al Nasser. This kindergarden, after taking on the children from another kindergarden, is now over crowded. The 'Land of the Children' kindegarten was bombed and then bulldozed by the IDF during the most recent offensive. Over 26 schools in Gaza were destroyed during the 51 day war and 232 were damaged In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza Zaher Hania one of the Canaan Institutes Animators captivates the children during an early evening in Zana, an area in the North of Gaza that was badly destroyed In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza People from Zana in the North of Gaza point at where their playground was destroyed In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza Prayer continues in this Mosque in Zana despite its terrible damage In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza Children from a Judo School in Gaza City perform some of what they've learnt in the graduation ceremony In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza Children from the Edward Said National Conservatory of Music practice their music. Many kids find music a way to escape the suffering and pain of the war In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza Children from the Edward Said National Conservatory of Music practice their music. Many kids find music a way to escape the suffering and pain of the war In pictures: The children of Gaza Gaza Children playing along the Corniche in Gaza city. On the weekends people from all over Gaza City come to the corniche to relax, socialize and enjoy the cooler part of the day at the beach. During the war no one dared venture onto the beach for fear of being targeted

But seriously. Is Dermer, one of Benjamin Netanyahu’s most trusted advisers, simply delusional? At one point in his extraordinary address, he even referred to the RAF’s carpet-bombing of German cities in the Second World War – as if this was the template for Israel’s “restraint”. It was like the old Blair refrain that whatever mistakes we made in Iraq, we weren’t as bad as Saddam.

Well, I should hope not. But then Dermer went on: “I especially will not tolerate criticism of my country at a time when Israeli soldiers are dying so that innocent Palestinians can live.” These soldiers, according to Dermer, were being sent “into the hornet’s nest of Palestinian terror” – but WERE TRYING TO SAVE “INNOCENT” PALESTINIAN LIVES!

Is the man delusional? Well, don’t jump to this conclusion too fast. At the height of Israel’s bombardment of Gaza two weeks ago, its embassy in Dublin posted images on its official Twitter feed of the statue of Molly Malone in Dublin’s fair city – dressed in a niqab, the long black Muslim headscarf! (excuse the exclamation mark) – but this was either racist or monumentally childish. Over the image – Malone’s statue stands outside my old university, Trinity College in Dublin – were plastered in capitals the words: “ISRAEL NOW, DUBLIN NEXT.”

In case you think this was only for Irish consumers, another picture, addressed to Paris, depicted the Mona Lisa in a hijab and holding a missile. For Italy, the Israelis provided a picture of Michelangelo’s David with a skirt made of explosives. Denmark received a picture of the Little Mermaid holding a huge gun. “Israel is the last frontier of the free world,” was written on each.

This is surely beyond delusional. This is insane. A week earlier, the Israeli embassy in Dublin tweeted a picture of Hitler with the words “Free Palestine Now!”. These insulting tweets were taken down, but not before the Israeli ambassador to Ireland, Boaz Modai, had uttered the imperishable remark that “we are now in the middle of a war and I have other things to deal with”.

Well, you would have thought so, wouldn’t you? But alas, Modai, who has been a diplomat in London and the Holy See, was ambassador in Dublin more than two years ago when, at Christmas, his embassy’s Facebook page carried a post which said that if Mary and Jesus were alive today they would “probably end up being lynched by hostile Palestinians”. Accompanied by a picture of Jesus and Mary, the embassy’s comment read: “A thought for Christmas… If Jesus and mother Mary were alive today, they would, as Jews without security, probably end up being lynched in Bethlehem by hostile Palestinians. Just a thought…”

Among the comments condemning this outrageous message was one which read: “Have you no regard for honesty whatsoever? If Jesus and Mary were alive today, they would be protesting against the Israeli occupation of Palestine, along with all the Palestinian Christians living in Bethlehem.”

The embassy later took down the Facebook post, explaining that it was made “without the consent of the administrator of the page”, and cheerfully adding: “Apologies to anyone who may have been offended. Merry Christmas!”

I personally know several Israeli diplomats, one of whom – an experienced and retired ambassador whose family champion Palestinian rights – must be appalled at this tomfoolery. So are these ambassadors delusional? On balance, I fear not. I suspect they accurately represent a truly delusional government which is shaming the State of Israel.

Canada toes Netanyahu’s odious line

Meanwhile, back in Canada, Prime Minister Stephen Harper, more pro-Israeli than Netanyahu it seems, announced to his people that Canada would react to a “terrorist” in just the same way as Israel.

After the US condemned Israel for shelling a UN school sheltering 3,000 Palestinians, Harper, as my old friend Haroon Siddique wrote in the Toronto Star, “showed no compassion”. Instead, Harper announced: “We hold the terrorist organisation Hamas responsible for this. They have initiated this conflict and continue to seek the destruction of Israel.”

It might have come from the pages of Leon Uris’s old paperback. Maybe it did, because even Canadian Liberals under Pierre Trudeau’s son, Justin, have pathetically lined up behind Harper’s Conservatives. But given the exchange rate for casualties this past month – around one Israeli for every 28 Palestinians – I suppose it is only a matter of time before someone recommends the rocket-firing and corrupt Hamas for the Nobel Peace Prize, on account of its “unimaginable restraint”.