Terminal Lance “Men of Flesh and Bone”

Whenever I watch a movie with some epic event happening to or around military personnel, the only thing that goes through my head is, “I wonder what those guys are thinking.”

I like to think about things from alternate points of view, or maybe I just identify with them more than I do the average bystander in a movie or game. It’s like Metal Gear Solid–I wouldn’t be Solid Snake, I’d be the poor guard standing post at 3 AM about to get his neck broken.

Back to the movie, I believe they were some kind of Air Force special forces or something that showed up in the fight scene between Superman and Zod. They didn’t really do anything other than offer a sense of scale to just how badass everyone else was. In fact, that’s largely the role of any military in these epic action movies surrounding mythical characters. Look at The Incredible Hulk, a movie where The Hulk basically goes around and fucks shit up while the military is helpless to do anything but shit their pants. Just once, I’d like to see a superhero movie from the point of view of some pissed off Lance Corporal that feels totally helpless in the wrath of clashing heroes.

As for the movie itself, to be honest I was pretty disappointed in it. I’m not as big of a Superman fan as I am Captain America or Batman, but he’s always been one of my favorites. Superman Returns was a shitty movie, to be sure, but this one wasn’t much better for completely different reasons. On a note of storytelling, there was way too much exposition in the film. Zak Snyder spends way too much time over-explaining the mythology of Krypton, yet somehow being simultaneously really vague about the technology at work. The perspective changes way too much, you’re never really sure if it’s a movie about Jor-El, Clark Kent or Lois Lane; I suppose all three is the correct answer, but it takes the personal battle of Clark’s plight out of it. Also, I know the comics have desperately tried to explain where Superman’s mythology comes from, but I think it gets to a point where enough is enough.

Superman was published in Action Comics #1 in 1938. There really weren’t any other superheroes prior to this. He wore a cape, could fly, had laser and Xray vision, and super strength. They didn’t explain why, it didn’t really matter. As the years went on, more and more of Superman’s past was filled in to make up for the creators’ lack of shits given, and now we have the mess that we see in Man of Steel. Superman’s suit isn’t really a super-suit, it’s a Kryptonian fashion norm. Superman’s “S” on his chest isn’t actually an “S,” it means “Hope” on Krypton.

Just fucking stop, it’s stupid. The “S” is for Superman, the suit is because he’s a fucking superhero. We don’t need all this Kryptonian bullshit to fill in the blanks. Really, it actually makes everything about him less meaningful because he didn’t choose to don a suit and become Superman, it’s all just stuff from his home world he decided to put on. Batman Begins is a much better example of how to sell a superhero outfit: “I need to become a symbol, something greater than myself.” According to Man of Steel and the modern bullshit mythology of Superman, he didn’t make a decision like that, he just found a suit that was a regular fashion staple of his home world. The old way of doing it was more layered–the suit was a costume, the diamond shape around the “S” was a symbol for being indestructible, the colors of Red, Yellow and Blue are the primary colors; which are the strongest colors. It had intent behind it.

Anyway, there’s more I could rant about as far as the film goes, but I don’t want to post any spoilers if you haven’t seen it. At the very least, Henry Cavill is a good looking guy and does a good job filling the role of Superman.

Even though he’s British.

On another note, to celebrate the release of Terminal Lance: Head Call, I’m offering up limited edition prints for sale! Click here to order.

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