Tired of being a "nice guy"? Worried that you're not enough of a douche? Well, here are some tips on how to increase your inner asshole, and learn new ways to treat other people like shit.

Driving

never use turn signals

make sure to talk on your cell phone as you drive, texting is also highly encouraged

crank the music up REALLY high when you drive late at night in suburban neighborhoods

speed up and slow down your car to exactly match the car in the lane next to you so that absolutely nobody can pass

never slow down to stop on yellow lights, instead floor it

Restaurants

order your food in whatever language you "think" the waiter can speak, especially if you don't speak any foreign languages

snap your fingers when you want the waiters attention, they love that

order your food for your date, if she questions your judgment utilize the complimentary buns on the table and her mouth in a fashion that best suits you

answer any calls on your cell phone, no matter who it is

Public Spaces

carry around a giant stack of bills, really flash it around

make fun of anybody with a foreign accent or speech impediment

litter and spit on the ground as much as your can

be sure to fart in an elevator if you have the reserves in your colon

Clubs / Bars