The case of Bethesda suing Mojang, is really a terrible thing. I don't think there's a single person in the world, including the guys at Bethesda, who feels like this is awesome (except for some dipshit trade mark lawyer who came up with the legal precedent I'm about to explain to you, whom also probably died some time in the 1600s).

Yes, this whole situation sucks, but not for the reasons you think. It's an extremely complex issue, and as much as it makes an awesome story to paint Bethesda as some demonic force filing every court document on Hitler's old typewriter, using the blood of orphans, and the skin of drowned kittens, I'd just be dumber than this legal precedent if I said something like that.

In this case, the US trademark system is so mystifyingly dumb, it makes me wonder how it gets its pants on in the morning.

Even if Zenimax (Bethesda) doesn't want to act, they're pretty much forced to. Because with trademark law, if there is even the remotest possibility that someone else's trademark could infringe on yours, you have to be extremely aggressive in defending it. Like, hungry-bear-just-found-an-old-fast-food-bag-in-a-car aggressive. You, as a lawyer, have to go running and screaming to the nearest trademark office, with your face in blue warpaint, ready to fuck up some Englishmen with your claymore. Even if you checked with a soothsayer before the battle, who knows, for a fact, the case will be thrown out, because anyone with half a brain could pretty easily tell the difference between the two games, you still have to go through with it.

Why? Because, trademark abandonment, that's why. The idea that if you don't protect your trademarks like precious little panda bears, you lose them to any asshole that wants a panda skin rug in his trailer.

Every message board across the web has been saying this for months now: these games are fundamentally different. Because of that, there's a good chance Zenimax's case won't hold up (but, don't be surprised if it is upheld).

Even though Zenimax knows this, they have to protect their trademark – which means they have to fight any trademark claim that is remotely similar. Since Mojang filed a trademark for a videogame named “Scrolls” and Zenimax already has a trademark on the videogame “The Elder Scrolls” Zenimax has exactly no other option than to sue Mojang.

Yes, this is some extreme bullshit. But it is what it is.

Much like a horny girl who is “saving herself for marriage”, Zenimax has to put up some token resistance here. If they don't, they run the risk of everyone knowing they're easy—I mean, they run the risk of abandoning their trademark, meaning they could lose any claim to “The Elder Scrolls” videogame because someone else made an entirely different videogame called “Scrolls”. I don't have to come up with a gross analogy to help you understand how serious it is for a company to lose control of their biggest product.

Yep, trademark law is dumb. It's so dumb, I think I just got dumber reading that. Here, let me make us all dumber again.

If Zenimax doesn't at least challenge Mojang's trademark claim, someone could make the game "The Smeller Scrolls: Breaking some Morrowind" down the road (except I'm trademarking that title, so hands-off), which they sell for $50, and is a mod that replaces all the magic in Morrowind with various farts. If Zenimax challenges this, the highbrow development house behind “The Smeller Scrolls” can point back to the time Mojang made a videogame named "Scrolls" and Zenimax did nothing to defend their trademark. So, Zenimax has no right to defend their trademark at all, which is a valid legal argument that will absolutely be confirmed in court. It also happens to be the equivalent of a six year-old saying he should be able to shit his pants, because you let him shit his pants when he was a baby.

Again, it's a super-dumb rule of our legal system, but it's not Zenimax's fault by any stretch of the imagination.

Also, I love you. XOXO!

Matt