SAN JOSE, CA—Marveling at the ease and deftness with which he communicates the two messages simultaneously, employees at local advertising firm Wavelength Solutions told reporters Tuesday that their supervisor Eric Crowell has a unique ability to seamlessly blend constructive criticism with cutting personal attacks. “On projects like this, it would probably work better if you bring the design team in for the initial concept meeting with the client to avoid these kinds of complications later on, but I guess you would have known that if you had put even a minute of thought into it from the start,” said Crowell during a one-on-one meeting with one of his project managers, displaying his renowned skill for weaving together valid concerns and helpful pointers with belittling, hurtful jabs to produce a jarring mixture of advice and cruelty. “If I were you, I’d repurpose the basic framework instead of scrapping the entire thing, unless you want to create even more work for other people down the line like you usually do. Try to tentatively finish it up by Thursday evening so that we can come in Friday with fresh eyes, and assuming you haven’t completely ruined it again, make a few last-minute tweaks before sending it back to the client.” Staff members added that Crowell’s remarkable talent was rivaled only by his ability to continuously exude a brash sense of confidence to obscure his crippling personal insecurity.

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