SAFFORD AZ (SMNNN)

A chilling result of a study, released by Brother Lonnie’s University of Faithfacts, and The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, entitled: “Masturbation Residue And It’s Effects On The Global Climate “ outlines the direct impact of the masturbator and it’s filth, on the peaceful, God-fearing innocent peoples of the world, and all of God’s creation.

The Masturbation Residue Film Particle, or MRFP, is the pollutant that clogs both air and water, and has been proven to cause Downs Syndrome, Abnormalness, and Australianism. This minuscule particle is what happens to sexual fluids after a heathen self-rapes, and it evaporates into the air and dissolves into the water supply. MRFP have also been speculated to cause all known types of epidemic cancer.

In addition to extreme toxicity, the MRFP have been found to physically alter the properties of air itself, making it impossible to regulate heat correctly, and thus ruining the climate indefinitely.

Ridiculous and terrifying weather scenarios depicting El Ninos, Polar Vortexes, Sno-Pocalypse, Fire Tsunami, and even Fire-Tsunami-Sharknadoes have been simulated at B.L.U.F.F Computational Science Center and Animal Rendering Center, to within 75% accuracy.

Most Lonvidians and Normals need have no concern, as they are heavily entrenched in their Lonnie Childs approved bunkers, and are impervious to the weather, but heathens and non-normals are advised to panic heavily, and purchase immense quantity of bottled water and K-Rations.