I Quit Dating Entirely

Mae-sa Dixon, 35, swore off sex seven years ago. She says she’s never been happier.

Interview by

Jan. 20, 2020

I started having sex at 16, and I didn’t have my first orgasm during sex until I was about 25. In 2013, I decided to stop dating and having sex with other people entirely.

I have never really had a boyfriend or long-term relationship. It has always been a sexual thing. I had two long-term friends with benefits: one for seven years and another for 10. After my last relationship ended, I was like, why am I doing this? I was good enough to have sex with, but not good enough to be taken on dates or introduced to friends.

It just made me feel so bad about myself, like I was a dirty secret. I thought, I’m over this — I don’t want to deal with men anymore. I am not a big dater as is, so I just got over dating. The urge went away.

Often people don’t understand when I say I’m celibate. They ask if I like women, or if I’m a nun. And then they will say, “So are you asexual?” and that is a totally different thing. There is also always that element of whether it’s for religion. I was raised in a Buddhist household, but my decision has nothing to do with religion.