We were your Sons and Daughters. We were your Primary Teachers and the Deacons that passed the Sacrament every Sunday. We were your Husbands and Wives. We were your Brothers and Sisters. We were the people that you cared about, and we cared about you. We were your Friends.

Now something has changed. There is a slight hesitation when you acknowledge our presence in the room. Our conversations aren’t as friendly as they used to be. You chose not to invite us over for dinner for the first time in many years. For some of us, our families have disowned us. We are the same people we were before, but now we’re treated so differently.

It is often said that we left the LDS church because we were offended or that we couldn’t endure and that we wanted to sin. The only way we could leave the church was to create excuses for ourselves. You might ask us, “What made you leave the church? Polygamy? The Word of Wisdom?” as though we only left because Mormons don’t drink alcohol or because the LDS church is infamous for polygamy during its early history. Most of us would agree that to leave the church just because of one of those things would seem rather silly, but that’s not the case. We didn’t leave because we were offended or wanted to sin or because we disagreed on one small matter. We left because there are very many legitimate concerns that contradict what we once knew and testified about in church and on our missions.

For most of us, deciding to leave the church took a long time. Most of us spent many hours or days examining independent studies as well as LDS resources. What we found contradicted what we knew about the LDS church. We wanted the church to be true. We wanted that more than anything in the world. We wanted to know that our families would be together for eternity.

However, sincerity or desire does not determine truth. Either the LDS church is true or it is false. As First Presidency member J. Reuben Clark said:

“If we have the truth, it cannot be harmed by investigation. If we have not the truth, it ought to be harmed.” (J. Reuben Clark: The Church Years. Provo, D. Michael Quinn, Utah: Brigham Young Uni­versity Press, 1983, p. 24)

I believe that most ex-Mormons left because we value integrity and, after many days researching the history and the changes to doctrine since the church’s creation, it becomes evident that LDS leaders do not place the same value on integrity and honesty.

When interviewing a prospective member of Brigham Young University (BYU)’s faculty in 1976, Apostle Boyd K. Packer explained:

“I have a hard time with historians because they idolize the truth. The truth is not uplifting: it destroys… Historians should tell only that part of the truth that is inspiring and uplifting.” (Apostle Boyd K. Packer, as related in “Pillars of My Faith,” talk delivered at Sunstone Symposium, 19 August 1994, Source)

Can you imagine if the Holocaust, the slave trade, or the attacks on 9/11 were sugar-coated or weren’t taught in schools because they give us bad feelings? Just because those events in history make us uncomfortable doesn’t mean they are any less true. Do you think that, if given the opportunity, the LDS church would hide the truth or unsavory facts of its history or organization? Consider the following quote from Boyd K. Packer in a 1981 speech to educators in the LDS Church Educational System:

“There is a temptation for the writer or teacher of Church history to want to tell everything, whether it is worthy or faith promoting or not. Some things that are true are not very useful.” (Apostle Boyd K. Packer, CES Symposium on the Doctrine and Covenants and Church History, 22 August 1981, Source)

If the LDS church omitted key events in its history and was not what it claimed to be, would you want to know? This is the question we asked ourselves. Our integrity told us that we would want to know if the LDS church had lied about its history or how the organization runs, and it took humility to admit that we were wrong about most of what we previously believed. To us, we can’t just be told what to believe. We have to know that whatever we believe is true and that we believe in it for the right reasons. We yearn for knowledge, we’re constantly learning, and we strive to view the world without bias.

Contrary to what church leaders say about ex-Mormons, our new perspective of the LDS church is not the result of pride — it comes from humility. When an honest man discovers he is mistaken, he will either cease being mistaken, or cease being honest. Pride didn’t make us leave the church, it kept us in it. We’ve fought against our pride, and we are better people because of that.

Regardless of what you may think of us and the opinions we have, we are still your relatives, your children, and your spouses. We still care about you. We’re still your Friends.

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