Fed up with Mancunians claiming it doesn't rain much in their beloved city, southern exile Alfie Yarmouth set about to prove them wrong. Armed with a pen and a diary, he kept meticulous records throughout 2013 to show how wet his adopted home really is.

Ian Brown once said: "Manchester has everything except a beach." I'll translate: "There's enough water here to fill a sea, so..."

I'm from London. South London. Sunny South London. I've lived in Manchester for 13 sodden years. I'm a optimistic pessimist. I know the worst will happen but I'm always willing to back against it. Like, looking at the umbrella in the hall and thinking: "won't need you today!"

I quickly learned that Mancunians do not acknowledge rain. It doesn't exist (something about being "nesh"). For years I've tried to burst their bubble and prove it rained more often than not in Manchester. Because it does.

Drive 20 miles in any direction away from Manchester. Check the rear-view mirror. It looks like Mordor.

Also, I know why Nemanja Vidic feels at home here.

The Mission

I realised I was going to have to provide evidence to make the Mancs face the (water) music. How did I set about this task? I kept a diary throughout 2013. With little raindrops against every day it rained. How did I know it rained? I looked out the window – at home and at work. Genius!

Incidentally, if you're ever lost here and need directions, don't ask anyone with an umbrella (or the orange girls with Primark bags - they're Scousers). Seek out those resembling a drowned rat. Proper Manc! They'll know their way around.

Watertight proof: Alfie Yarmouth's rain diary

What is raining?

It's enough to mess up your hair, make you wear a coat and think twice about slipping on suede footwear. Enough to make you not want to sit on the grass, or a bench, or a swing. Enough to make things wet – right?

The official view

We asked the Met Office how many days it rained last year. They said: "We have taken a look at the statistics for last year and defined a "rain day" in this context as being a day on which one millimetre or more of rainfall is measured. For Manchester the long-term (30 year) average for this count is approximately 140 days per year, 2013 saw fewer rain days than average at about 128 days."

Sorry, Mr Met Man, but I'm going to rain on your parade.

The Results

I'm not gonna bore you with the monthly breakdown but...actually, I will.

January – it rained on 16 out of 31 days.

Feb – 14/28

Mar – 15/31

Apr – 15/30

May – 18/31

Jun – 13/30

Jul – 11/31 (best)

Aug – 14/31

Sep – 17/30

Oct – 24/31 (worst)

Nov – 17/30

Dec – 19/31.

The Conclusion

That's rain on 193 days, or 53% of the year. So there. I win. Arguably I even win twice, as it was the best summer since 2006 in spite of the downpours.

What Does it All Mean?

Ultimately nothing. "So why don't you do one back to London then?" I hear you ask. Maybe I should, maybe I will. But I believe bringing decorum, style and a touch of class to the north was a chosen path for me – and who am I to argue with God's will?

Anyway, my little 'un is a Manc. Despite its dreary vista, I hope she grows up feeling the same pride for her city as I do mine.

Plus, in 100 years time when Manchester is the capital of England because of its plentiful water resources and London is an arid, barren wasteland, my great great great grandchildren might look up to the slate grey skies and thank me for whacking up a brolly and staying put.

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Alfie Yarmouth is a pseudonym.