By Christopher Schuck

Adapted from Dialog by Gloria Kempton

“Many writers think – erroneously – that fiction should be a mirror of reality. Actually, it should act as a sifter to refine reality until only the essence is before the reader.” –Dean Koontz

This is a continuation of Dialog Mistakes (Part 1 – Informing the Reader).

The salient requirements for avoiding idle chatter are all in Rs. Every sentence should be Refined, Relevant, and Realistic.

Refined = flowing from one to the next

Relevant = worth reading (adds something plot and is interesting)

Realistic = believable

Dialog mistakes with idle talk can be made in four ways:

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1. Disconnect: A sentence doesn’t respond to the last and set-up the next

– Example–

“Do you want to watch TV?”

“No, I’m going to the store.”

“Again?”

“Yes, I forgot the ice cream.”

“We have some in the fridge.”

“Ya, but not the kind I want.”

“Okay.”

“What do you want to watch?” (disconnected from last sentence, though related to first one)

“Huh?”

“On TV, when I get back.”

Why it’s tempting – It feels, and is, natural. It can make interesting moments.

– It feels, and is, natural. It can make interesting moments. Why it’s bad – Not refined. The reader is pulled from the flow (making a character say, “Huh?” can be fun, but if the reader says it, too, it means they stopped reading for a second)

– Not refined. The reader is pulled from the flow (making a character say, “Huh?” can be fun, but if the reader says it, too, it means they stopped reading for a second) When it’s alright – When it’s an important part of who a character is (distracted, unfocused) or, very carefully, if such wandering words are part of a theme

– When it’s an important part of who a character is (distracted, unfocused) or, very carefully, if such wandering words are part of a theme Other options – Connect ideas. Above, just changing, “okay,” to, “Well. Hurry up, our show is on soon,” creates a transition. Alternately, “okay” could be accompanied by the action of turning the TV on.

2. Ho-Hum Moments: When people are just chatting

The example used above work for this, too.

Why it’s tempting – Its realistic, life is packed full of hu-hum conversations. Adding them may seem like a good way to show more about who a character is.

– Its realistic, life is packed full of hu-hum conversations. Adding them may seem like a good way to show more about who a character is. Why it’s bad – Not relevant. They’re pointless (no plot progression or character development) and, worse, boring (no suspense).

– Not relevant. They’re pointless (no plot progression or character development) and, worse, boring (no suspense). When it’s alright – If the ho-mum dialog is setting up a critical scene or used simultaneously with not-so-ho-hum narrative and action.

– If the ho-mum dialog is setting up a critical scene or used simultaneously with not-so-ho-hum narrative and action. Other options – Cut it out or spice it up. Above, changing, “okay,” to “Fine, I want a divorce,” infuses instant suspense and shows the reader that more than meets the eye was happening in the conversation.

3. Speeches: When a character’s dialog become a paragraph block

– Examples –

Theurin grinned devilishly as he cornered the innocent looking orange kitten. “Now, I have you just where I want you. You – you who thought you could overcome me, you who thought you knew what was right. But things are not as they appear. I have planned how this would happen all along . . .”

Penny walked into the room, outraged at what she saw. “Leave that cat alone already. You pick on him every day. You laugh while he cries. Don’t you know what it feels like to cry? To hurt? Theurin, you just wait. One day that kitten will grow to be a lion . . .”

Read Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand

Why it’s tempting – Movies do it. It can feel very empowering and climactic, as a writer.

– Movies do it. It can feel very empowering and climactic, as a writer. Why it’s bad – Usually not realistic nor relevant. As a reader, it often gets boring and can feel contrived. In real life, people have a hard time getting in multiple sentences, let alone whole paragraphs. Personally, when a villain starts to give a speech (on TV or in a book), I am immediately pulled out of the story.

– Usually not realistic nor relevant. As a reader, it often gets boring and can feel contrived. In real life, people have a hard time getting in multiple sentences, let alone whole paragraphs. Personally, when a villain starts to give a speech (on TV or in a book), I am immediately pulled out of the story. When it’s alright – Occasionally, a character might be the type to give a speech, have the opportunity, and have something to say that is relevant to the plot and interesting to the reader.

– Occasionally, a character might be the type to give a speech, have the opportunity, and have something to say that is relevant to the plot and interesting to the reader. Other options – Break the speech up by adding narrative, action, and/or other character’s dialog.

4. Repetition: When action, narrative, and/or dialog convey the same idea

– Examples –

I wanted to leave, to get out of there. “I’m gonna go,” I told her. I left before she could reply.

She brushed her finger across the rough surface of his face. “So rough,” she said.

Why it’s tempting – In reality, action, narrative, and dialog overlap.

– In reality, action, narrative, and dialog overlap. Why it’s bad – Not refined nor relevant. Unnecessary words are always bad. There are better, more refined, ways to draw out a moment.

– Not refined nor relevant. Unnecessary words are always bad. There are better, more refined, ways to draw out a moment. When it’s alright – When action, narrative, and dialog relate to a single idea, but each give layers of new information.

– When action, narrative, and dialog relate to a single idea, but each give layers of new information. Other options – Cut out all but one instance of something written or show different aspects. The second example could be changed to, “She brushed her fingers across the dark, unshaven stubble on his face. ‘So rough,’ she said.”

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Next, I will cover: How Story POV Guides Sympathy.

Please feel free to comment below. 1) Do you have any other examples of when dialog mistakes occur? 2) As a reader, what pulls you out of the story?

Thanks for reading!