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If you don't understand why that's a problem, grab some 5-pound object from your house, hold it straight out in your hand, and try to keep it perfectly still (you know, the way you have to keep the sites perfectly still when aiming a pistol). It doesn't matter how huge your biceps are, a heavy gun is always a worse choice.

That, coupled with the fact that it's almost a foot long (thus making it awkward as hell to draw from a holster) and that it only carries seven bullets makes it an incredibly poor choice for any self-respecting military unit, law enforcement officer, or even gas station robber. Also, the recoil is so hard that you're going to be pointing at the ceiling after every shot. Watch this lady get hit in the face by her own gun:

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For comparison's sake, the Glock 19 weighs less than half, is half the size, and carries twice as many bullets, so you can see why the police use them instead these days. The fact that the giant bullets in the Desert Eagle will do more damage when they land makes no difference when everything else about the gun ensures you'll never actually hit anything.

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In fact, remember the iconic scene in Pulp Fiction where the young guy opens up on Jules and Vincent with a gun the size of a baby and misses every shot? Yeah, they were right to mock his choice of gun -- if he had been carrying something less heavy and with more bullets, that scene would have played out a little differently. Once again, you can't trust a Hollywood prop department to tell you what to bring to your next violent crime.

Miramax

You know what divine intervention is? It's God telling you, you chose the wrong fucking gun ...

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For more from Adam, take a look at his website or feel free to bother him on Twitter. You can also hire him to write words for you by emailing adamwearscracked@gmail.com. If you want to check out more work Karl has done, you can check out his profile on Gunaxin.

For more reasons we shouldn't listen to movies, check out 6 Life Saving Techniques From the Movies (That Can Kill You) and 5 Ridiculous Gun Myths Everyone Believes (Thanks to Movies).

Or if you're pressed for time and just need a quickie, check out Why the Car That Runs on Facebook Could Backfire Horribly.