My Dearest Ivanka Trump,

Hello! How are you? I am fine. According to excerpts from Omarosa Manigault-Newman’s memoir Unhinged, published in People, you really, really hated the Saturday Night Live sketch where Scarlett Johansson played you, Ivanka “The Vank” Trump, in an ad for a perfume called “Complicit.” You know which one I mean, right? Just to be clear, it’s this one:

Here’s what Manigault-Newman had to say about it, more or less:

At the senior staff meeting, [Count Vankula] couldn’t stop bemoaning it, how offensive it was, how ridiculous it was. … We’d all been subject to SNL attacks … We’d all been hit, many of us in that same week’s show. But [Vank This Way, by Aerosmith] would not stop talking about being ribbed. Like her father, [A Closer Vank With Thee] was thin-skinned and could not seem to take a joke.

To reiterate, the sketch that supposedly bothers you, Ivanka Trump, is the one with Scarlett Johansson, which you can watch right here:

If you haven’t seen the sketch that Omarosa is claiming annoys you so much, here it is:

Before anyone says the sketch is fake news, it’s right here:

Another fabrication from Omarosa? Hardly. Check the video evidence:

We fact-checked Omarosa’s statement, and it turns out the sketch is real:

Anyway, Vank-A-Roni, the San Francisco Treat, it’s been great catching up and reminding you about that sketch you don’t like. Do you know which sketch I’m alluding to? This one!

Here’s hoping the rest of your summer is kind of a drag.

Yr. pal,

Matthew Dessem

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