What’s the name of the show? Becoming Us



When does it premiere? Monday, 8 June, at 9pm EST on ABC Family.

What is this show? Two teens in Evanston, Illinois, are dating and both of their fathers are transitioning to become women.

Does this have anything to do with Caitlyn Jenner? No, it does not, though Becoming Us is produced by Ryan Seacrest, who unleashed the pox of Keeping Up with the Kardashians upon the world.

Does this show have anything to do with Transparent? No, it does not, but it does offer an IRL look at what it’s like to have a parent transition genders. It also has nothing to do with Orange Is the New Black and Catch (the upcoming CBS show starring trans actress Laverne Cox), but it does capitalize on the media moment that trans people are having on television.

What happens in the premiere? We meet Ben, a sophomore, whose parents recently got divorced when his father Charlie transitioned to become Carly.

So, what happens? We also meet Ben’s girlfriend, Danielle, who is a senior. Her father, Daniel, who still uses his original name and male pronouns, is also transitioning. Over the course of the hour we meet Ben’s mom, who isn’t entirely happy about the transition; his half sister, who doesn’t share Carly as a biological parent; and his friends. Ben isn’t doing well in school and his parents have to confront him about it. Carly also tells Ben that she wants to have “bottom surgery”, where her male organs are changed to female.

Is this show any good? It would be easy to make a documentary that glosses over the emotional impact of gender reassignment on both the party undergoing the transition and his or her family. There would be soft music, and good lighting and generally flattering portrayals of everyone concerned. It would also be easy to make the opposite, demonizing these parents for sacrificing their family in order to fulfill their selfish desires.

Becoming Us is a documentary that is both of those things. By focusing on Ben and Danielle (though Ben seems to get a lion’s share of the attention), the audience can relate to this story from the point of view of someone outside of the transition, but whose life is still turned upside down by it. For the teens that love ABC Family (ask your niece about Pretty Little Liars and see if you can get out of the conversation in under an hour), this is an especially excellent way into this topic.

There are no easy answers in this situation. Ben says when his father introduced him to Carly that, “Bombs dropped. Everything changed.” He still loves his father and respects what he says, but is sometimes resentful of being in this situation. Ben is supportive but is still a teenager, and we know how moody and selfish they can be. Watching this show, we realize that Carly’s journey is not something she takes alone, but one that impacts the entire family.

It’s also hard for Carly, who had to sacrifice her family so that she could feel whole, and for Suzie, Ben’s mom and Carly’s ex, who says the divorce was not caused by the transition but by Carly’s betrayal of her trust. There are real, intense and confusing emotions here, and it is spectacular watching them play out on screen.

The problem is how much of the reality seems to be massaged. So many of the non-interview scenes seem scripted, like when Ben and Danielle go bra shopping with their parents or when Ben is talking to his friends about which pronouns Carly uses. It feels just as rehearsed as so many other shows, particularly Keeping Up with the Kardashians, but worrying about whether or not Dash will get its latest shipment of dresses on time is the sort of conflict we don’t mind being manipulated. There are real lives and actual emotions on the line here, the stakes are so high that scripting them so blatantly seems unnecessary and untoward. By this point we know that reality TV isn’t all that real, but there are some things that just seem more deserving of being portrayed honestly. This is one of them, but sadly the honesty is not there.

Which characters will you love? There are no characters to love or hate, to the show’s benefit. These are all people in transition. Ben and Danielle are becoming adults and Carly and Daniel are becoming women. Everyone is selfish and enlightened in equal measure. When Danielle gets Carly to take Daniel bra shopping, it’s great that she’s concerned about her father, but it’s also horrendously embarrassing that she watches her father get laced into a corset and talk about how sexy he feels. At moments like these, we can feel Danielle’s pain but also admire that she’s trying to make her father happy. There is sympathy in all of these people, but they’re also not entirely likeable. This is the rare reality show where everyone is both a hero and a villain simultaneously.

What’s the best thing about it? This is one of the most real and touching portrayals of transitioning I’ve ever seen, mostly because it doesn’t question why or how these people are doing it, but the impact that it has on everyone around them, both good and bad.

What’s the worst thing about it? Because this is made for teens, there is an attempt to make the whole documentary look like a Tumblr page. Interviews are presented in YouTube-esque player windows, and still photographs of moments on the show are given captions like #MyBAE. It’s an annoying design tic that seems both pandering and unnecessary. It’s alienating to older audiences and patronizing to younger ones. Teens can watch a show without it having to look like Snapchat.

Should you watch this show? This is definitely worth checking out, but I think a few episodes will suffice. If each episode were only 30 minutes it would be compulsively watchable, but at 60 minutes and with the over-reliance on massaged reality staging, you’ll get the gist after an hour or two.