by Michelle Karen Santos for Feminist Bloggers .. translation The Free … I am a Pastor’s daughter and I was born in a family where everyone is evangelical, that’s how I identified myself until I was 15 years old. I always went to church, sang, prayed and was part of all the groups that were there. I was the pastor’s daughter, the girl who should set an example for everyone, especially for the other girls.

I grew up seeing church leaders being all men, and the most that a woman could achieve was the leadership of the group of children or ladies. Rebellion is Life.. Submission is Death

The spaces were occupied by pastors who said that women should be submissive, behave like a “lady”, be careful, less gossipy, should have sex with their husbands even without wanting to, that they should have children even without wishing for them, that they should be wise and build their homes, that all women should be what the church declared they should to be.And over time I saw all the women of my life ceasing to be who they were, hiding their wills and serving men and a god, and I became a questioner.

My father told me I should not ask so many questions, and that all my disagreements about the church only showed how much I was out of the presence of God, and that annoyed me because everything he said did not answer my questions.

‘Don’t limit me.. I’m all horizons’ Foto Jessica Michels

I did not understand why our will was not respected; Of our existence being denied every day; Of being forced to have a husband and rear children; That I could not dress the way I wanted; Of not being able to have sex before marriage and to discover myself.

I was a young woman who was locked in a Christian environment, not knowing anything different, and I did not understand why they prevented me from being what I wanted, …

..until one day my questions were answered.

In 2012, already in college, I was introduced to the Women’s Feminist Collective, and there I met incredible women who showed me the way to my freedom. It was several girls from all the courses meeting every week to think of a different society, free of machismo, sexism, racism, lgbt-phobia, and .. patriarchy.

They said “a woman’s place is where she wants to be”, and everything made sense to me. I began to realize that religion was taking on a role of oppression in my life, controlling my body, my actions and my way of living, and no, I could not accept it.



One day, a companion presented me with the book “The New Woman and Sexual morals” by Alexandra Kollontai, my first book in my new feminist world, where the author finishes saying “… the look of the woman who fights against the old and decadent order of life … This look requires a response, stimulates action and constructive work, but also struggle. “,

Then it became my moment. By organizing myself politically and as a feminist militant, deconstructing and building from my experiences, I understood that feminism could liberate me, but it would be a daily struggle and a break with the oppressions of religion and people who did not accept that I was the owner of my life, my body and my desires, would be a consequence.

And that’s how I lost a lot of family, friends and friends, and I almost lost my father and my mother.

They did not accept that I wanted to be free, that I had and wanted to exercise my choices, and that since then I would make my decisions, but I resisted. It is very painful for you to lose people, especially family members, but today I know that it was part of my liberation process, sometimes for you to be happy it is necessary to break bonds.

However, I am here, a militant feminist, fighting for a society without prisons and oppressions, full of experiences that have made me the woman I am today, with the certainty that nothing could have been different and that tomorrow will be greater.

My father says, “I love you, but I do not agree with your ideology” the truth is that we learned more about tolerance and love, I am a feminist and he is a pastor, I am a daughter and he is a father, but our relationship is much better today, I continue to defend the freedom of belief, and also the laity of the state.

I have had terrible experiences with religion, but I am clear that there are several who propagate a lot of love and respect, in fact we need to fight firmly against fundamentalism that puts the Democratic State of Law at risk. And about my mother, it was she who taught me about feminism, even before I knew it existed.

We are in the middle of 2016, I with my 23 years, somewhat free, full of projects, with a love that warms my cold days in Gaucho lands, and happy, very happy to have broken ties, because no matter how much it hurts, nothing hurts more than being oppressed and prevented from being who you are. And for all of us: let’s keep on fighting, until all are free.

Bibliography

KOLONTAI, Alexandra. The new woman and sexual morality. 2.ed. São Paulo: Popular Expression, 2011.

Feminist Bloggers

Michelle Karen Santos is a lawyer, feminist, abolitionist and pisciana.

http://blogueirasfeministas.com/2016/08/ser-quem-se-e-o-feminismo-que-liberta/

original no portugués Ser quem se é: o feminismo que liberta