By now you’ve probably seen Chris Medlan’s tweet showing F1 drivers “favorite driving songs” and if you’re anything like me it made you incredibly sad one moment then surprised you the next. Most of these guys have no idea what it’s like to drive for pleasure. Either that or they never listen to music other than what’s playing in the ad spot they’re working on. The ones that did give a good answer surprised me to be honest. So let’s break it down by category starting with…

The Missing Ones

Fernando Alonso & Jenson Button: Ron Dennis doesn’t allow nonsense like music anywhere near cars.

Esteban Ocon & Pascal Wehrlein: Music is for closers, boys.

Carlos Sainz Jr: This one I don’t get, but based on his meerkat I’m gonna bet it was “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”…we’ll never know.

The Guys that didn’t even try

Kevin Magnussen: Born in the USA — Bruce Springsteen

Seriously K-Mag, you pick ONE song and it’s a protest song that politicians have been misusing for decades? Oh wait, it’s because it’s the race in America and the song says something is born in America. Got it. Good job Kev. The biggest problem is that this shows once again that K-Mag hasthe personality of a Nordic McLaren driver, except you drive a yellow car man! Listen tattoos aren’t a substitue for a personality.

Max Verstappen: Billy Jean, and Thriller — Michael Jackson

Look Max, I get that you were born in a race car and have spent 95% of your life in a race car but Billy Jean and Thriller?! The album that has both of those songs was 15 years old by the time Max was born. By the time he was cognisent enough to listen to them they were older than he is now. This poor kid has never listened to radio. These are the songs his mom listened to in her youth and she was listening to them and being nostalgic when he was in the womb THAT’s the only reason he knows them. Also who the hell drives to thriller Max?! You do the DANCE to thriller you don’t drive to it! Somebody get this guy a spotify account.

Sebastian Vettel: Born in the USA — Bruce Springsteen, Little Red Corvette — Prince

Ugh. Born in the USA, see above. As far as Little Red Corvette goes, I don’t buy it. Seb was famous for blasting the awful “Big Bad Wolf” song in his garage after wins back when he would ACTUALLY win, you expect to believe the man has developed any semblance of musical taste since then? Doubt it. This is a classic case of “reference a red car for Ferrari’s sake” type of deal.

The “What the hell?” ones brought to you by Williams F1 PR Team

Valtteri Bottas: Born in the USA — Bruce Springsteen, Sweet Home Alabama — Lynyrd Skynyrd, Pretty Fly(For a White Guy) — The Offspring

Listen Williams PR person, you expect me to believe Valtteri “Night King” Bottas jams out to Pretty Fly for a white guy? Get outta here. Just close your eyes and imagine this. A steel faced night king with piercing blue eyes looks deep into John Snow’s eyes raises his arms and says “uno dos tres cuatro cinco cinco seis”….Exactly. Also, you expect me to believe that Valterri who hails from the land of socialism has ever “missed ol’bamy once again”? These choices are almost as bad as having Trump post that taco bowl pic.

Felipe Massa: Happy — Pharell, Uptown Funk — Bruno Mars, Hotel California — Eagles

Happy. Happy by Pharell. The Despicable Me song. The song that spawned a million “viral” videos and covers. Nice try PR team. Uptown Funk gets a pass, as does Hotel California because I fully think Felipe is old enough to like that song unironically.

The “not so hidden” message ones

Lewis Hamilton: Wavy — Ty Dolla Sign, Campaign — Ty Dolla Sign, I want — MadeinTYO

First of all props to Lewis for putting songs that were released in 2016. Secondly, just chill out man. It’s clear you want to “collab” with Ty Dolla Sign but you’re coming on a little too strong. OR maybe he wants Ty Dolla Sign to be his ghost writer. We’ve all seen the countless snaps he sends of his time in the studio, but has anyone ever actually heard him rap? Just take it easy man.

Nico Hulkenberg: Hotel California — Eagles, Surfin’ USA — The Beach Boys, Satisfaction — The Rolling Stones

“I only drink out of responsibly grown gluten free boots”

Has there ever been a more appropriate song to embody a man’s career than Satisfaction for The Hulk’s? This is a guy who everyone knows is talented, who has won Lemans, who has put an underwhelming car on pole yet he’s never been on the podium in F1. We hear you buddy, and we feel for you just hang in there.

The “we get it you use Chemex brewing to make your coffe” One

Daniel Ricciardo: Keep The Wolves Away — Uncle Lucius, Stubbon Love — The Lumineers, The Western — Mr Wives

Dan probably owns one of those wood brimmed hats. If you tell him these are hipster songs he’ll say they’re not while being wrapped in a blanket standing in the middle of a wheat field. His drinks pouch is actually filled with cold brewed coffe and he comes to every race with his sourdough starter.

The “one weird song that ruins it” Ones

Nico Rosberg: Beautiful Day — U2, Surfin USA — The Beach Boys, Sex on Fire — Kings of Leon

Does anyone listen to Surfin USA other than when they’re messing around? Clear to anyone that the best Beach Boys song to drive to is “I Get Around” still that’s not the weird one. The weird one here is “Sex on Fire”. Sex on Fire is such a greasy, creepy, “open up your shirt” hit on a girl and call her a prude when she doesn’t reciprocate, sweaty kinda song. If he legitimately likes this song you can rest assured that he’s gone to some “eyes wide shut” style parties. Do yourself a favor, don’t look up the lyrics because you’re gonna want a shower right after.

Sergio Perez: Veritgo — U2, Viva La Vida — Coldplay, Bailando — Enrique Iglesias

How weird is that the two drivers you’re most likely to see with more than two buttons undone from the top of their shirts like U2? In any case the weird song here is Bailando by Enrique Iglesias. This is one of the many forays Enrique Iglesias has had into the weird club pop/reggeaton genre that has haunted the clubs of the spanish speaking world for the last decade or so. This is the kinda song that booms in a club where buying a bottle makes you a big shot, and has no business being played in a car for anyone’s enjoyment. Come on Sergio, who drives to Enrique Iglesias? Not even some Mexican music? Could have thrown in some Cafe Tacuba…

Daniil Kvyat: Whisky In the Jar — Metallica, Ace of Spades — Motorhead, Strangers in the Night — Frank Sinatra

You look at the first song and go “Ok”. Second song, “Alright”. Third song “…what?” There’s nothing wrong with Strangers in the Night, or Frank Sinatra for that matter. It’s a lovely song it just doesn’t fit with the other two. I get it, Daniil is a sensitive guy, he reads Anna Karenina before every race he has a depth of emotion that only a disturbed Russian could have but that’s just SO weird. Who is he dedicating it while he drives his Lada around? Was he driving to that song when he was driving from Milton Keynes to Faenza? WHO HURT YOU DANIIL?! Wait, we all know that….

Esteban Gutierrez: All These Things I’ve Done — The Killers, Use Somebody — Kings of Leon, Life is a Highway — Rascall Flatts

There’s two legitimately good driving songs here. The first of which is obviously featured in the movie Cars. The other referencing the clear fact that Esteban is begging his team to help him out and not put him in the back burner while also reminding everyone that he’s got soul even though he’s not a soldier. Then we get to Kings of Leon again. While it’s not as bad as Sex on Fire which Nico proudly blasts in his eyes wide shut parties, there’s no chance in hell anyone is driving to “Use Somebody” when they’re not at least A LITTLE drunk and we just can’t have that on the roads, Esteban.

The “Can’t say anything bad” ones

Kimi Raikkonen: A Horse With No Name — America, Born to be Wild — Steppenwolf, Pikkuvelli — PMMP

Kimi nails it man. Born to be wild is a LEGIT great driving song. You can almost hear the engine revs whenever that song plays anywhere. Horse with no name is also a great road trip song, and both of these show that Kimi has been around people who have listened to music in a car. The last pick I like because it’s Kimi reminding us that he’s Finnish, which is something that always has to be done with Kimi.

Romain Grosjean: Can’t Stop the Feeling — Justin Timberlake, Uptown Funk — Bruno Mars/Mark Ronson, Billie Jean — Michael Jackon

Romain’s song choice looks like the playlist of a Top 40 drive time show playlist and THAT’s why it works. You’ve got a new hit, a newish hit, and an old hit. All of them perfectly driveable and I buy that he listens to them. Justin Timberlake especially. THIS IS HOW YOU DO PR WILLIAMS.

Marcus Ericsson: Simple Man — Lynyrd Skynyrd, Hotel California — Eagles, Back in Black — AC/DC

Back in Black is a classic bad boy peel out driving song, and what a good pull with the Simple Man choice which is a stellar “driving while sad” song. Hotel California though? I mean I guess it works for people but for me it’s just too long and too “Truck driver-y” but I know that’s an unpopular opinion. Still great picks. Who knew the Swedes had such good taste?

The “Nailed it, wanna hang out with these guys” Ones

Felipe Nasr: Sharp Dressed Man — ZZ Top, LA Woman — The Doors, Even Flow — Pearl Jam

ARE YOU KIDDING ME FELIPE?! Wow, this guy deserves a better car based on his song choice alone. The Doors LA Woman?! Sharp Dressed man?! FRIGGIN PEARL JAM! Monisha you done my boy wrong. Felipe just jumped about up about 17 points in my driver coolness ranking. Still part of me can’t believe that a rich boy from Brazil even knows about ZZ Top…I mean he’s sponsored by a Bank. Still I WANT TO BELIEVE.

Jolyon Palmer: Californication — Red Hot Chilli Peppers, The Chain — Fleetwod Mac

Jo! Dude! My man, you nailed it. Californication is a GREAT driving song. If this song choice is pandering to Americans THIS is how you do it, none of this “Born in the USA” crap all the other drivers are throwing us this way. What’s more American than LA/Hollywood? Nothing. Then The Chain, THE F1 theme song for years? Good job my man. Your song choice more than makes up for your underwhelming performance in the car.

That’s it for all the drivers that answered, I guess if we learned one thing it’s that Williams has a horrible PR team.