Cards Against Humanity decided that instead of trying to sell their game at GenCon, they would hold a Concert Against Humanity in the nearby Murat Theatre.

Yes, of course I bought a ticket to go! I did this for you, dear reader, because I knew not everyone would be able to go, but everyone would want to go. I did what any noble human being would do, I took one for the team.

Just kidding! I went for the free swag.

OK. I also went because of all these people, too. (Disclaimer: I knew of some of these people, but was only familiar with the work of a few of them.)

The show opened with the crew of Cards Against Humanity on stage where they did dramatic readings of some of the emails they receive on a fairly regular basis and they opened it up to the audience to answer these emails. It was glorious. One of the responses included Cards Against Humanity’s “customer service” line. It’s a real phone number. You should totally call this number: 312.756.0834. You will not regret it, unless you hate fun.

The first act was Molly Lewis singing about bears, butts, vaginas, and dicks. In that order. I had never heard Molly Lewis before this concert and I am just so sad that I had lived so long not knowing who she was or what a comedic genius she is.

The same can be said for the Double Clicks who were the second act.

You may have seen this YouTube video they did that made the social media circuit awhile back? Well, if that didn’t already make them kick ass, then they went and came out with this song. Also? They wrote the theme song for Cards Against Humanity. Yes, CAH has a theme song.

Next up was comedian Kumail Nanjiani.

You may know Kumail from Silicon Valley or his video podcast The Indoor Kids. I did not know about any of these things, but I will always remember him as the comedian who got embarrassed telling NC-17 jokes because the ASL interpreter was repeating them.

Thanks to Kumail’s set, I know now how to sign both male and female masturbation. Among other things. If you get the opportunity to see him, you should definitely go. I was crying from laughing multiple times during his set. There were at least 2 different times I was sure I would die from laughing. I literally, not figuratively, thought I might die from laughing because I could not breathe. Someone who could potentially kill you due to lack of oxygen from laughing so hard, and you do not care? That’s the mark of a good comedian.

There was an intermission in the show, which was good, because the first half of the show lasted two hours. But before the intermission, we got to see John Scalzi destroy Mike Pentz in a light saber battle.

And if that wasn’t enough, during intermission, you could write letters to the Indiana legislation expressing your displeasure with their homophobic and anti-LGBTQ ways.

After the intermission, the show kicked back off with Cameron Esposito. A fabulously hilarious comedian who wanted you to know it was okay to assume she was a lesbian.

There are so many of her comedy bits I want to tell you about, but it would really just be better if you go and see her perform live somewhere near you. If you can’t do that, then maybe look for her on YouTube or buy her album. You will not regret it one bit.

John Scalzi & Patrick Rothfuss followed Cameron with skits they had written.

I have to be honest with you here, this was the weakest part of the show. In and of itself, it was not bad. But when you compared the two incredibly random skits read by these authors to the comedic powerhouses who preceded them, well… it was cute at best. I did really like that Patrick Rothfuss was wearing a Nightvale t-shirt, so at least there was that.

The show closed with multiple songs sung by the amazing duo, Paul & Storm. I especially enjoyed the ballads sung to and about George R. R. Martin. The ease and the jokes that passed between the two of them were solid without seeming rehearsed, and they had a phenomenal stage presence.

But the best thing they shared, was

How to define the perfect video.

and

The perfect video: Kitty Corliss

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Veg63B8ofnQ]

You’re welcome, Internet. You are welcome. And I’m not taking credit for this. I’m giving all the credit to Paul & Storm.

And they ended the show with what is arguably the best George R. R. Martin song of all time. Pretty much everyone who performed and some of the crew got on stage and sang with Paul & Storm.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3tBKjbEX7A]

I don’t know that there will ever be another Concert Against Humanity, but I doubt it could ever top this one.