EDITOR'S NOTE: For a complete recap, head to the Live Blog here. For a more... conventional... review, go here.

stadiums, fireworks, then/now/whatever

SHANE and BRYAN watch a completely unhelpful angle of AJ and LUKE from last week

SHANE: welp guess it was a tie

BRYAN: you'd think we'd find a better angle of this in the last week

AJ: Luke's feet actually touched first and he's gross and he has a hick accent and he's right behind me isn't he

LUKE is right behind AJ, AJ leaves

LUKE: thanks

SHANE & BRYAN: for what

LUKE leaves

AWWWWWE SAAAAAAAAAM

TOM: member when Cena eliminated Miz and Miz eliminated Cena

MIZ: time for Miz TV

CENA: BRRRRRRR APPLEDon't start without me, here I come

MIZ: yeah no talking

CENA: k

MIZ: I work harder than you but you pull strings and get all the opportunities, you're a hypocrite because you went Hollywood after you said you wouldn't, I threw you out so you'd feel like everyone else does when you beat them

UNIVERSE: wait isn't Miz the heel

CENA: you're saying the same thing everyone does, I coulda faced Taker at Mania but I'm here making you look important, you're nothing but everyone knows who I am, you stole your entire gimmick and are basically trash

UNIVERSE: wait isn't Cena the face

MARYSE: you have a big ego and a little package, have a slap

suddenly NIKKI

MIZ & MARYSE: run away

NIKKI: please do

UNIVERSE: that was a very good thing that just happened

BECKY and MICKIE have a fight

MICKIE: Imma beat you up

BECKY: k my turn to beat you up

MICKIE: LOUD NOISES and DDT

MICKIE pins BECKY

MICKIE: Imma flip and kip and grap some more

BECKY: o'connor roll

BECKY pins MICKIE

ALEXA: I WILL NOW DISTRACT THE REF

BECKY: dodge

MICKIE runs into ALEXA

BECKY: armbar

BECKY wins

LUKE: hey look at all these pretty lights, anyway imma win tonight so I can beat Bray at Mania

BRAY: Imma give a speech later, also I have a championship

INTERVIEWER: hey Alexa you just failed at interfering, how bout that

ALEXA: you suck at interviewing, now ask me how awesome I am

INTERVIEWER: how awesome are you

ALEXA: very, also I'm the champion

suddenly NATTIE

NATTIE: I could be champion tho

ALEXA: nah

RENEE: hey AJ you're fighting Luke tonight, how bout that

AJ: Luke's feet touched first but imma beat him again

LUKE and AJ have a fight

LUKE: I'm really strong, have a dropkick

LUKE beats up AJ

AJ: yeah but do you have farmer strength

AJ beats up LUKE

OTUNGA: man it feels like Mania because the Universe is chanting some things

UNIVERSE: SHUT UP OTUNGA

LUKE: dragon suplex

AJ: nah

LUKE: powerbomb then

AJ: nah but phenomenal forearm tho

LUKE: hey look some ropes

REF says AJ won but LUKE's foot was on the ropes

SHANE: yeah this match keeps going

AJ: Imma get in your face

LUKE: superkick

AJ: dodge

LUKE superkicks SHANE

AJ: aaaaaaaand pin

AJ wins

TOM, JBL: the WWE Network tho

RENEE: hey Cena, Maryse slapped you, how bout that

a wild JOBBER appears with CARMELLA

CENA & NIKKI: um why are you here

JOBBER: stop making fun of my friend who is a girl

CARMELLA: Total Divas is trash

CENA & NIKKI: we're gonna have a match against you next week because we can just do that

BRYAN: hey AJ congrats on winning

AJ: nah, imma talk to Bray later

DEAN enters and kills CURT who was there

DEAN: hey Baron imma kill you, get out here

BARON: nah imma kill you later

DEAN: k

NEVILLE: Imma beat Gallagher later

suddenly chairs

CREWS ambushes DOLPH

UNIVERSE: wait isn't Crews the face

CREWS: flippy time

DOLPH: Imma use an actual chair because this is a chairs match

CREWS: oh right me too

DOLPH: time to heel

DOLPH heels

DOLPH: pin

CREWS: k

UNIVERSE: yawn

BRAY enters

BRAY: Imma beat AJ at Mania because he's a man and imma god, I come from really deep underground, Orton's there right now

ORTON: actually I'm at your house and I tricked you, imma burn your house and Abigail's grave and your rocking chair

BRAY: I'd rather you didn't

ORTON: member when you last heard Abigail scream right before she died

ORTON very slowly burns down BRAY's house and ABIGAIL's grave

BRAY loses his mind

ORTON stares into the camera

UNIVERSE: oh