One of the many joys of semen (hi, mom) is that it can go in you, on you, around you, on that old Che Guevara poster your old roommate left in your living room that you've been too lazy to take down — anywhere! Here are some important things to consider before you are baptized in some dude's magical life-giving seed. (Or you could just skip all these tips and watch those Oikos commercials with John Stamos. Because it's kind of like that, metaphorically, somehow.)

If this isn't really your thing… You can totally like a guy a lot, or even love him, but still get the icks at the mere idea of this — whether it's physical or emotional. For instance: If this guy is generally an asshole to you, letting him do this when you're not into it might just make you feel worse. (No, this will not make him text you more.)

On the other hand, if it's with a committed boy who loves you, it might turn you on because you're spicing things up, or even just because you're turning him on. As the Romantic poet Percy Bysshe Shelley once put it, "It all depends who's jizzing on you."

Either way, if you don't want to do it, it's always appropriate to give them a firm "No." But if you're into it, keep reading.

Your anatomy provides more than a few options. Perhaps I am stating the obvious here, but your face, breasts, stomach, thighs, and any other physical body part you possess makes a viable surface for jizz. So if you don't want to start with, say, a hardcore facial, but you could be into it, pick something you're both OK with. Besides, he's acting out porn. He'll be psyched no matter what you do.

There's nothing inherently anti-feminist about getting a facial. It always surprises me how many people consider getting a comeshot to the face anti-feminist because it signifies degradation. Those people aren't feminists, they're just judgmental. Feminism's about choice, whether it's loving facials, hating 'em, or having your boyfriend ride you like a pony with a ball gag in your mouth. Whatever. You do you.

And on facials, specifically: It won't ruin your skin. Says Rachel Needle, a psychologist at Center for Marital and Sexual Health of South Florida: "It has been known to be a good moisturizer. So go have fun and experiment with come all over your body, even try rubbing it in." However, beware of STIs — and make sure you're not allergic to the proteins found in semen.

Onto the brass tacks. You should start off doing something else to stimulate each other before getting in the appropriate position when he thinks he's close. Otherwise you're sitting there staring blankly into the head of his glue whistle for 20 minutes, thinking about the fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt you are having for lunch tomorrow.

You should look at his face. Often when you're in more conventional sex positions, you can't see his expressions. Watching his face as he begins to lose control is surprisingly empowering. (And really hot.)

For the love of god, have him warn you right before he comes. Because if you don't, it's going to fly at your unsuspecting face like a swarm of rabid bats.

SQUEEZE your eyes shut. Like, don't just close them, really squeeze them, or else when you open them again, it's just … it's bad. Not that I have ever had to Google "come in eyes need doctor?" before or anything.

Be prepared for those few super-awkward minutes afterward. Porn generally doesn't show the aftermath of a healthy-sized comeshot to the face, which usually involves copious amounts of towels, momentary blindness, and laughter. It's OK to laugh! Part of the fun. Oh, and make sure to check your hair to avoid a There's Something About Mary situation.

OK, I have prepared you to the best of my ability. Go with God.

Follow Anna on Twitter.

Image courtesy HBO

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