CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Home Affairs Minister and the face of Tony Abbott’s regressive three-person far-right Liberal faction has today revealed how stoked he is that Julie Bishop has announced she will quit politics at the next election.

“Yeah the boys!” said the hyperactive and weirdly optimistic Peter Dutton, who has conveniently used Julie Bishops leadership dash as the reason for him not winning last August’s leadership spill against the Pentecostal version of Malcolm Turnbull.

“Now we can focus on policies that our voters actually care about [haha]” said Dutton.

“Like the war on Christmas, and African teenagers playing basketball at ongodly hours in suburban Melbourne”

“Not all this weird foreign affairs shit”

Ms Bishop was the Liberal Party’s deputy leader for 11 years, and served as Australia’s foreign minister under Tony Abbott when he announced his plans to physically assault an ex-KGB officer turned sensitive world leader, and effectively told the developed Muslim world that he thought every single one of them was in ISIS.

She was also foreign minister under Malcolm Turnbull when Peter Dutton thought that the silent majority of Australia would prefer a former highway cop facing multiple accusations of human rights violations and political corruption as their Prime Minister, a since disproven sentiment that has resulted in the 7th change in Prime Minister in 10 years.

As The Nightwatchman announces that he finds Bishop’s resignation inconvenient, Dutton believes this is the best thing since sliced bread.

“How good” he laughs.

“We’ve got this election in the bag”