So I gave up on Starseed Pilgrim. That’s right… I. I figured out the main mechanics of the game, and then after several wasted hours I went on to search teh internetz for the mysterious secrets that I was missing.

At first I found a spoiler free explanation from the Electronic Dance. I was encouraged by Harbour Master’s poetic description of it all. I was re-inflated, emboldened. Make no mistake – I play a crap ton of video games, so I’m thinking “I’ve got this… Round Two, it’s on! ”

Several more hours wasted… what have I got? Some pretty garden things, planted with Starseeds and watered with the blood and tears of my wasted effort. They could be the most beautiful psychedelic squares I’d ever seen and I’d still be bored and frustrated at this point. Clearly I’m not the only one.

The truth is, I think this is a decent cheap game, and that’s it. South Park has taught us the terrible environmental smug effects of fart-smelling, so I think it’s time we stop exaggerating. Those who would have you believe that you are a video game illiterate if you can’t see the good in Starseed Pilgrim need to take a break from hot boxing so much Indie.

I didn’t get all the stars in Braid, but I still got to enjoy the crap out of playing and beating the game. Surely, it makes me not the hardest of cores – but still I got to be part of the shared experience of it’s greatness, and I got to enjoy it’s puzzles if only in my less extreme way. Maybe 20 years ago I would have risen to the occasion of monotonous grinding to unlock some “must see” ending… but at this point I’ve got much better things to do, and better games to play. Good luck fellow pilgrims, but I’m not that patient.