Kentucky Fried Chicken is gearing up to unveil a brand new meatless chicken...product....thing, in an effort to comply with the U.K.'s latest suggested health guidelines.

And here, I’ve written a haiku just for the occasion:

No, no no no, no.

No no, no no no no, no.

No. No no, no no.

CBS News reports:

The menu move comes as KFC's U.K. restaurants seek to adhere to new British government guidelines that advise overweight adults to eat just 400 calories at breakfast and then 600 more at lunch and again at dinner.

KFC told the Daily Mirror that the company plans to cut its per-serving calorie counts by 20 percent by 2025, the year after the U.K.’s National Health Service’s recommended deadline. The new menu will include a vegetarian version of the company’s famous fried chicken, which they say will hit the U.K. market in 2019.

In its new health advisory to combat obesity, the U.K. claims that by reducing their calorie counts by at least 20 percent by 2024, the restaurant industry can help prevent more than 35,000 premature deaths and save the NHS about £9 billion in healthcare and social care costs over 25 years.

Then again, they also think prohibiting people from carrying screwdrivers will help curb crime.

So, naturally the best response to any overbearing government seeking to prevent autonomous grown adults from voluntarily getting fat is to try and sell people fake chicken parts made out of reformed vegetable paste.

Which I'm guessing will probably require more than just 11 herbs and spices to make edible...

"It's a tricky challenge, because our fans absolutely love our Original Recipe chicken, and we won't be changing the Colonel's secret recipe of 11 herbs and spices," Victoria Robertson, the head of food innovation for KFC U.K. and Ireland, told the Mirror.

...welp, never mind.