Humans are funny creatures -- we tend to shun any product, no matter how useful, if it makes us look ridiculous. That's why virtually none of you own ...

Imagine a car that runs on tap water and never breaks down or needs replacement parts -- would you drive it? We forgot to mention that it's shaped like a giant clown penis.

11 The GoateeSaver

goateesaver

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Warning: No real woman will touch you while you wear the GoateeSaver.

Once you make that life-changing decision to grow a goatee, facial hair won't just magically stop showing up in other areas of your face, you know. You still have to shave, but what if your hand slips into goatee territory? Do you try to even it out, making it thinner and thinner until you wind up with a Hitler and a soul patch? Fortunately, technology has solved this problem with the GoateeSaver.

Look at that woman's face up there. She clearly wants to have sex with that guy strictly because of his goatee-shaving mouth cube. For anyone who isn't a depraved fetishist, though, this looks ridiculous. It's a good invention, sure -- you can even adjust it to different goatee sizes, as demonstrated in this video:

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But no matter how much you adjust it, at best you look like the world's worst cyborg, and at worst like you tried to eat some tuna without opening the can.