Hype is as much a Super Bowl requirement as the Roman numerals, perhaps the NFL’s one rule that even its referees couldn’t screw up. So we’d be bracing for two weeks of over-the-top buildup even if the matchup in the big game were, say, Seahawks-Browns.

But this is different. This is Giants-Patriots, and that will take the hype all the way to Defcon 1, all the way to 11 on the Spinal Tap amps, all the way to a level so intense that, somewhere in a darkened ESPN studio, Chris Berman is already foaming at the mouth in anticipation.

So in preparation for the coming Hype Tsunami, here are five story lines you’ll be so sick of by the time kickoff finally arrives, you’ll consider moving to Djibouti and becoming a cricket fan:

1. REMATCH! (Capital letters required.)

Have you heard? These two teams have met before. In, like, the Super Bowl. And it was kinda epic.

Tom Brady said it's still too painful to watch highlights from Super Bowl XLII, and if that's really the case, maybe Giselle should cover the flat screens. If David Tyree could earn royalties from every time his catch is shown over the next two weeks, he'd crack the Forbes list.

The comparisons are unavoidable, since most of the major players from the game remain. Still, turnover is the nature of the NFL, and there are far more Patriots and Giants playing in their first Super Bowl than those returning for a second crack. But no capital letters are required for that.

2. Jets coach Rex Ryan could use a hug.

Really, what would you even say to the big lug at this point? His team imploded from within. His star receiver can’t stand his franchise quarterback. He has spent the past three weeks rolling himself under bus after bus, insisting he’ll change his loudmouth ways next season.

Now he gets the Super Bowl From Hell for Jets fans. Here come the Patriots, the team he promised the Jets finally would beat in the AFC East, against the Giants, the team he insisted was the second best in the New York market. Here comes Bill Belichick, the man whose rings Ryan would not kiss, against Tom Coughlin, the coach he all but taunted in the weeks leading up to their regular-season matchup.

A year ago, everything Rex touched turned to gold. Now, if we find out his favorite singer is Madonna, she’ll probably tumble off the stage head first during the halftime show.

3. Eli Manning has a brother, and did you know he also plays football in the Super Bowl host city?

The Giants quarterback was asked immediately after the NFC Championship Game if it was even more exciting to play the big one in Indianapolis, where his brother Peyton has been a superstar for so long.

“Well, I would have preferred New Orleans,” Eli said, “but hey, at least it’s not Detroit!”

He didn’t say that, of course. But what could he say? The host city is about as relevant to a Super Bowl team as the halftime act. Players go from film sessions to media sessions to practices, so if they see anything in the city, it’s probably from the charter bus window.

Chances are, Indianapolis Colts fans will be rooting for the Giants because of Eli. Then again, given that the Patriots are the opponent, the Manning bloodlines weren’t exactly a requirement to get their support.

4. Speaking of Eli, you can't spell E-L-I-T-E without him. You also need those letters to spell "We have EstabLIshed this already."

MORE COVERAGE OF GIANTS FOOTBALL



• Giants edge 49ers, 20-17, as Lawrence Tynes' field goal in OT sets up Super Bowl rematch with Patriots

• Patriots down Ravens, 23-20, as Tom Brady, Bill Belichick head to a record fifth Super Bowl

• Super Bowl 2012: Giants vs. Patriots preview

• Giants stories and columns



• Giants photos



• Giants videos



Look: If you don't think Eli Manning belongs on the list of the league's finest quarterbacks now, nothing he does at Lucas Oil Stadium in two weeks is going to change your opinion.

We’ve seen how these postseason games go. A $100 million quarterback can throw for 300 yards and four touchdowns, only to have a backup kick returner making the league minimum drop a punt in overtime. Just like that, season over and legacies altered.

A second championship, especially if he outplays Brady with the world watching, will put Eli on a level with the all-time greats. There’s no denying that. But as far as proving, once and for all, the guy is one of the best quarterbacks right now? That case is closed.

5. Revenge of the Hoodie.



You know the plot. The Death Star explodes, but Darth Vader somehow escapes, only to vow to return even stronger and build a second Death Star, only this time with a 6-foot-5 tight end named Gronkowski. Or something like that.

Belichick, proprietor of this Evil Empire, had his perfect season stolen in Glendale, Ariz., four years ago. Now he’s back, with the opportunity to make it all right, to get that fourth championship at the expense of Obi Wan (Coughlin) and Luke Skywalker (Manning) themselves.

It’s perfect, except that for Belichick, vanquishing the opponent matters less than the elusive fourth championship. But that’s not nearly as good a story line for the Hype Tsunami. And, with Giants-Patriots, you’re guaranteed to get soaked.

Steve Politi: spoliti@starledger.com; twitter.com/StevePoliti

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