If your response to someone cheating on you is to file a lawsuit, then you have something in common with the lawyer at the center of this story.

After learning that his fiancée was cheating on him, it was off to the courthouse to bring fraud and intentional infliction of emotional distress claims. A scorned lawyer runs back to the safety and security of a forum that makes him or her most comfortable, I suppose.

After reading the complaint, this guy might just want to cut his losses and consider himself lucky because his ex sounds kinda terrible….

Tulsa attorney Brian Martin seems to be a pretty good lawyer. He managed to get a murder case dropped against his client, which is no small feat when there’s an eyewitness claiming that the client was “running toward the car and firing guns.”

But he seems to be less skilled in love. From the complaint (reprinted in full below):

4. That beginning late October 2010 the Petitioner and Respondent began an exclusive dating relationship. 5. That at all times since late October 2010 until June 2013, the Respondent led Petitioner to believe the dating relationship between Petitioner and Respondent was exclusive and Petitioner relied on this representation. 6. Upon information and belief, in late 2011 and/or early 2012 the Respondent began a sexual relationship with Tulsa Police Officer T. H., yet continued to maintain to Petitioner that Petitioner and Respondent were still in an exclusive dating relationship. 7. Upon information and belief, in the winter/spring of 2012 the Respondent began a sexual relationship with Tulsa Police Officer C.H., yet continued to maintain to Petitioner that Petitioner and Respondent were still in an exclusive dating relationship. 8. Upon information and belief, in the spring/summer of 2012 the Respondent began a sexual relationship with Tulsa Police Officer C.S. yet continued to maintain to Petitioner that Petitioner and Respondent were still in an exclusive dating relationship.

So… she likes guys in uniform. I ran the numbers on these allegations — there are 772 officers in the Tulsa police department, and at the rate described she would get through all of them by December 2017.

Martin claims that he took his ex to Las Vegas in the summer of 2012 and she complained that she expected him to propose. Maybe Martin’s problem with all these cops can be traced to his failure to put a ring on it:

Based on Respondent’s communication of June 10,2012, and previous conversations that the only acceptable engagement ring would have to come from Tiffany & Co., and at great expense to the Petitioner, Petitioner drove to Dallas, Texas on July 12, 2012, and purchased an engagement ring from Tiffany & Co.

A (Tiffany) ring on it. If this is true, this should have been a red flag. Phrases like “the only acceptable” don’t scream well-intentioned. It’s one thing to express a preference for your ring — for example, the cut or the style — and it’s another to say, “I don’t care what it looks like as long as it’s expensive.”

11. Petitioner proposed marriage to Respondent on July 14, 2012, and Respondent accepted Petitioner’s proposal at that time. 12. Upon information and belief on or about August 1,2012, Respondent began residing with Tulsa Police Officer C. S. at 1847 E. 16th Street, Tulsa, Oklahoma, however, Respondent continued to maintain to Petitioner she was still residing with her parents because her father’s ailing health.

So getting the ring didn’t work. Damn you Beyoncé!

Somehow this Oklahoma couple appear to be Steelers fans:

13. Based on Petitioner’s reliance on Respondent’s assertion of an exclusive dating relationship, and at great expense to the Petitioner, Petitioner and Respondent went to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania in November 15, 2012, and returned November 19,2012. 14. Based on Petitioner’s reliance on Respondent’s assertion of an exclusive dating relationship, and at great expense to the Petitioner, on March 21, 2013 Petitioner purchased a trip to London, England for the purposes of watching the Pittsburgh Steelers play the Minnesota Vikings on September 29,2013, and purchased tickets to said game at Wembley Stadium.

Well. I guess Martin should be happy he doesn’t have to watch Adrian Peterson run roughshod over the aging Steelers linebacking corps.

15. Upon information and belief, in April 2013 the Respondent began a sexual relationship with Tulsa Police Officer E. D., yet continued to maintain to Petitioner that Petitioner and Respondent were still in an exclusive dating relationship.

Are you f**king kidding me? I’ve revised my estimate to around the Fall of 2016.

Ultimately, Martin learned of his domestic troubles just like Luke Wilson in Old School, by catching the early flight home.

Buying a ring and booking some trips may feel like a lot of wasted money, but put that in the appropriate context: it’s a small price to pay compared to a lifetime of expenses and cheating. Cut your losses and walk away with your head held high.

20. Respondent’s actions in the setting in which they occurred were so extreme and outrageous as to go beyond all possible bounds of decency and would be considered atrocious and utterly intolerable in a civilized society and these actions intentionally or recklessly cause severe emotional distress to the Petitioner beyond that which a reasonable person could be expected to endure.

Well at least he’s keeping things in perspective.

(The full complaint is reproduced on the next page….)