Forum Trends: Ex-Mormon Growth





According to discussion board trending topics, most people looking for answers to questions about Mormonism, start with scriptures found in the Book of Mormon and other LDS approved sources. Some seem to feel like they were being fed “Milk Before Meat,” which is described in the Mormon Doctrine & Covenants, 22: " For they cannot bear meat now, but milk they must receive; wherefore, they must not know these things, lest they perish." This concept, many Mormons feel, is appropriate for people new to their faith. However, educationally, many questioning people, Mormon and investigators, are far beyond being satisfied by intellectual baby food. They need the meatier material, and often the only people talking about it are Ex-and Post-Mormons.





To give some perspective, there are over one billion Catholics in the world, but only 15 million Mormons according to the official Mormon annual report. Yet, in Idaho as part of the Mormon Corridor, just less than one third of the Senate members self-identified as Mormon or graduated from the ultra-Mormon college system BYU (three campuses in three states), which seems a little skewed compared to the 70+% of non-Mormon Idahoans. In 2015, according to Idaho's senate biography web page, there is only one self-identified Catholic currently serving in the Idaho state senate.





How Mormons calculate their membership can seem a little dodgy because they admit that they count all baptisms, which leads some to wonder if that 15 million includes baptisms and confirmations for the dead (who are then considered members upon posthumous confirmation) as well as baptisms for the living, children of record as counted by baby blessings, and the baptisms of those who have officially resigned from the religion (which should have canceled their baptisms since it also cancels all blessings and priesthood powers). However, using data gathered from national survey companies, Dr. Ryan Cragun , sociologist and Mormon scholar (though no longer a member of the Mormon religion now), reported how self-identified Mormons are counted and gives a more accurate, but significantly less than reported, description of Mormon census numbers compared to Jehovah's Witnesses and Seventh Day Adventists.





The official numbers published by the Church, as well, do not distinguish in any way those inactive (lost) members who simply walked away from the church without resigning and who are being counted as members until their 110th birthdays.





There are many reasons why inactives don't resign. Maybe it's because resigning seems to be a long drawn out process unless the resignation letter mentions, specifically, legal or media involvement. Also, many un-resigned members are unaware that the moment the resignation/name removal letter is received in the Salt Lake office by email, fax, or regular mail, the member has officially transitioned to ex-member status ( because resigning from a religion is a legal right ) and no disciplinary proceedings can legally be recorded on the ex-member's church record. Because a good many Mormons have been disciplined for publicly stating opinions and facts contrary to the Church's official position, former Mormons often tell resigning Mormons to send their letters straight to the Salt Lake church office so that local leadership, bishops and stake presidents, don't have an opportunity to “sit on” those letters in order to effectively delay the resignation process. Additionally, since all ward budgets are based on membership, local leadership—bishops and stake presidents—might not be keen on submitting resignation letters until after ward census numbers have been submitted for the quarter.





Why Mormonism is Bleeding Members

Many people learn about the Mormon Church's issues by lurking on several websites, including rfm (recovery from mormonism), and ex-mormon reddit. There are also countless other sites such as postmormon and lifeaftermormonism, for instance. Ex-mormons post their exit stories and participate in online communities as they sort out their feelings, deal with anger toward top church leadership, including Mormonism's founder Joseph Smith and his second in command Brigham Young, and ask questions that they feel their local leadership can't or won't answer clearly.





As lurkers read around these discussion boards, they may notice that members become inactive or outright resign for reasons that are not considered by practicing Mormons. True Believers think that Satan (the author of all anti-Mormon doubts and facts) is influencing the doubter, that the doubter has been offended, hasn't ever had a strong testimony, was offended, is lazy, or just wants to sin. After spending some time reading pro-LDS sites, it's obvious to investigators that members are told by their families and some church leaders that they should only expose themselves to “faith affirming and prophet sustaining” materials because, in the words of one top leader during a General Conference, “ Some truths aren't very useful .”





Ex-and Post-Mormons, however, have no problem explaining exactly what pushed them out of Mormonism.





Questioning members often read contradictory passages in the Book of Mormon (or from Doctrine and Covenants, Journal of Discourses, or Pearl of Great Price), and then are forced to decide if both passages can be true at the same time, all the while keeping in mind that the Book of Mormon is touted as “the most correct book on earth.” This poses a dilemma. The problem with contradictions is that we must decide which one is 'true' if both cannot be true at the same time. If the source is the most correct source (therefore unable to be corrected, and we believe it to be true as it is), how can both sides of the contradiction be true simultaneously? We like harmony in our belief systems, and the mental gymnastics required to avoid resolving these contradictions can cause debilitating stress and health problems. True Believers tend to take the position that no one can know either the will of God or the process by which Joseph Smith wrote the Book of Mormon. God will answer all questions in whichever level of Mormon heaven the doubter ends up in (there are three depending on the level of perfection one attains), or spirit prison, or just before being cast into outer darkness, maybe. Not thinking about it tends to be the band-aid hiding cognitive dissonance.





Women's Issues

Ensign articles about how women are more spiritually perfect than men; thus the men-only authority in the church is really just a consolation prize for not being as perfect and spiritual as women. The Misogyny seems to be an apt description for how mormon women are treated and taught to view each other despite the many twice-yearly General Conference speeches and countlessarticles about how women are more spiritually perfect than men; thus the men-only authority in the church is really just a consolation prize for not being as perfect and spiritual as women. The Ordain Women movement might disagree, however, since a number of their leading women, most recently the notable Kate Kelly in June 2014, have been disciplined or excommunicated for speaking out in favor of women in church leadership roles beyond teaching toddlers and pre-pubescent children, leading Young Women's groups, and being Relief Society leaders, especially since a 12 year-old boy has more authority in any woman's group meeting than a 60 year-old Relief Society President does. He apparently has some invisible “ keys ” that women aren't allowed to touch because only males can hold any power in the Mormon religion.





For instance, a man can be sealed in the Mormon temple to more than one wife if his former wife has died and he remarries, or if he divorces his former wife and remarries. A woman, on the other hand, must obtain a temple divorce before she can be sealed to her new husband, and a temple divorce is difficult to obtain since she must prove that her former husband somehow broke the covenants to the church that he made during their temple wedding, which does not seem to involve many covenants between the happy couple, oddly enough. It's also interesting that Marie Osmond has been rumored to have successfully obtained a temple divorce in order to be sealed to a different husband.





A woman cannot enter the top level of heaven, the Celestial Kingdom, on her own. Her husband must use her secret temple name (and both must remember their secret handshakes) to call her through the Veil. If he doesn't like her well enough to do so, or she never married, then she will walk around a serpentine path, waiting to be chosen by some other man as one of his polygamist spirit wives whose purpose is to bear him spirit children. Yes, Mormons do believe in polygamy, but it's more an eternal polygamy than a temporal one if we don't lump the FLDS into this discussion, which seems to be one of the most important differences between their belief systems.





If a Mormon husband becomes disaffected, inactive, or resigns, his wife loses her priesthood holder, her only means of achieving a heavenly afterlife that does not include being a (some believe sexless) servant to those who achieve the Celestial Kingdom. He can no longer bless his family members when they are ill, baptize his sons when they turn eight or his daughters when they turn nine, or baptize the dead with his wife in the temple because he is no longer “worthy” of a temple recommend if he has stopped making tithing payments to the church. It doesn't matter if he follows the rest of the church's membership rules. Not having a temple recommend also means he cannot attend his children's temple weddings (also called “sealings”).





According to countless ex-Mormon discussion board posts, Mormonism fosters a culture of female dependence on male authority , and there have been many divorces caused by True Believing Mormon (TBM) women requiring a temple-worthy, priesthood-holding husband and leaving her current husband in order to marry one who can call her through the “Veil.” This behavior calls into question the idea that “Families are Forever,” which is frequently used as a missionary selling point. Women also become disaffected or inactive. Sometimes they resign while their husbands continue to participate. There seem to be fewer divorces associated with women leaving the church, but it might be that fewer women openly blame the church's culture for their divorces. Often, women leave over issues of gender inequality, the Mormon leadership's official position on gays and marriage equality, and the Church's early history of polyandry and polygamy. None of which affect their husbands' authority in their religious callings.





LGBT Issues

Marriage Equality is a passionate issue for True Believing Mormons and Ex-Mormons alike, especially the Mormon Church's involvement in California's Proposition 8 election. Many members disaffected when the depth of their church's political involvement became uncomfortably obvious.





Being a gay or lesbian Mormon teen or young adult can be very difficult because the Mormon religion teaches that same-sex attraction is unacceptable, that loving same-sex families are “counterfeit” (to borrow shamelessly from a recent April 2015 General Conference speaker), that only marriages between a man and a woman are authentic. While we all appreciate Mormonism's focus on family and children, it is difficult for many non-mormons to understand fully that Mormonism expects LGBTs to never act on their attraction. They must always be celibate, or they must marry someone of the opposite sex and procreate. Yes, they must engage in sex with an opposite-gendered spouse because the Mormon religion stresses the importance of making babies because there are spirit babies waiting to be born. In a 2015 amicus brief (Friend of the Court brief) filed with the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS), LDS church leaders, along with several other religious leaders, emphasized that legalizing marriage equality would somehow demean the marriage of an LGBT and opposite-gender spouse because those mixed orientation couples have not acted on their desires, choosing instead to adhere strictly to the gender rules of their religions. However, it is important to emphasize that passion for the straight partner, who is often considered a “best friend," is lacking in these types of marriages. The brief does not seem to take into consideration that this type of marriage might actually be the marriage of a bi-sexual person to a straight person.





Mormon families who have no idea that one or more of their children identify as LGBT often speak disparagingly about LGBTs, parroting the church's party line, without understanding that this type of emotional damage to their children often culminates in attempted suicide, and all too often those attempts are successful. Once again, “Families are Forever,” as Mormon missionaries pitch the concept, doesn't seem to validate the real religious product they're selling to potential converts.





Those Mormons who follow their church leaders' teachings from General, Stake, and Ward conferences, actively and politically oppose marriage equality. Mormon leadership claim that they have always encouraged their members to vote as they see fit, but it's clear that there is only one correct point of view from which to act, the Church's. John Dehlin was excommunicated in February 2015 because he refused to take down his Mormon podcast website, where he published interviews with LGBT Mormons, doubting Mormons, Ordain Women supporting Mormons, and True Believing Mormons. He refused to resign from the LDS church; instead, he allowed Mormon leaders at the Stake level to excommunicate him, appealed to the Office of the President (formerly advertised as the Prophet until LDS Inc. became a Corporate Sole), thereby forcing top leaders to participate in his excommunication. Church leaders are now unable to blame his local leaders for his being tossed out of the church for bringing the church's attitudes toward women and LGBTs into public view.





Why is this information important?





Occasionally, survivors of the Mormon electroshock therapy program share their memories on ex-mormon discussion boards, and more importantly, they share the conditions under which they felt they had no choice but to submit to electroshock.





Members sometimes leave Mormonism because they have LGBT family members whom they know and love well, or they are close friends with LGBTs. The church's involvement in Proposition 8 contributed to the exodus as well as the church's policy of punishing and often excommunicating those who question the church's 19th Century dictates. Hetero or Homo, people are just people in that they fall in love, want to get married, raise a family, and some people cannot support both their church leadership and their LGBT loved ones, so leaving is the only pathway out of cognitive dissonance.





Courts of Love ” and Mormon Leadership's attention to intimate sexual details

It seems strange when a religion that appears to have been founded on extra sex for men promotes scary-strict, punishable-by-love-court chastity rules. What doesn't seem strange to anyone who pays attention to the personal experiences of those who share them is that “Courts of Love” are focused on getting every single detail of sexual encounters that violate those Laws of Chastity. Keep in mind that it's twelve stake members against one priesthood holder in these disciplinary courts. Only men can hold the power of the priesthood. Also keep in mind that women are disciplined by their local ward bishop, but men must appear before a Stake President who is the Mormon leadership for the many wards in his district. The attention given to even the most insignificant sexual detail is the same for both genders, however. The purpose for this intimate level of probing is to ascertain the transgressor's depth of repentance.





However, questions of a sexual nature are also asked by Mormon Bishops in interviews with teenagers, which causes a number of ex-mormons to worry about teens. This worry is reinforced when Mormon bishops are convicted of predatory sexual abuses against children, like Lon Harvey Kennard recently was. Kennard is reported to have begun abusing the children in his care during his calling as Mormon Bishop in the mid-90s.





A Growing Distrust and Lying for the Lord





Ex-Mormons discuss Lying for the Lord among 14 other points of General Conference Interest as reasons for their distrust of Mormon teachings (aka beliefs and doctrines) and church leaders.





"What a thing it is for a man to be accused of committing adultery, and having seven wives, when I can only find one" (History of The Church 6:410-411). Joseph Smith denies polygamy while practicing polygamy. Ex-mormons sometimes use Smith's denial as an example of Smith's original “Lying for the Lord:”



Paternoster, creator of a fictitious stake president's satirical blog, explains the concept this way: "A s leaders in the Lord's Kingdom upon the earth it is important that we learn to live by a higher law which unbeknown to the investigator or new member in fact justifies that in certain instances it is better to lie than to be truthful. This gospel precept is often known as d," but I prefer to use the more scriptural based terminology of giving 'milk before meat' or 'not casting our pearls before swine'.



lying for the Lor d,"

Satire, especially as it is used in this blog, turns a critical eye on elements of official Mormon practices, beliefs, and buzzwords because that is the primary function of satire and parody.









Most cited reason: they studied themselves out of the church.





The Church's Sordid History

1) Polygamy and Polyandry

" And I command mine handmaid, Emma Smith, to abide and cleave unto my servant Joseph, and to none else. But if she will not abide this commandment she shall be destroyed , saith the Lord; for I am the Lord thy God, and will destroy her if she abide not in my law." This quotation is sometimes used on the discussion boards as an example of , a concept Marion Stricker explains and illustrates in discussing her own life as a Mormon. It's the state of being “Damned if you do, and Damned if you don't,” and for Emma, either state of horror was entirely her own fault according to Mormon doctrine. Questioning Mormons sometimes follow their bishop's advice and reading the scriptures to strengthen their testimonies. It's an easy leap to look into the church's multi-volume history where they learn about Joseph Smith's sexual transgressions , which can change the way a doubting Mormon understands those scriptures. For instance, Emma Smith was to be destroyed if she did not participate in plural marriage according to Doctrine&Covenants 132:54 Double Bind , a concept Marion Stricker explains and illustrates in discussing her own life as a Mormon. It's the state of being “Damned if you do, and Damned if you don't,” and for Emma, either state of horror was entirely her own fault according to Mormon doctrine.









The time line discrepancy becomes a problem for those Mormons who depend on the power of the priesthood in their daily lives. Some can set aside their doubts aside, confident that God will sort it out in their afterlife; some cannot, which causes more questions and an increasing need to find answers. Fanny Alger was the Smith's 16 year-old housekeeper, and some questioning Mormons are uncomfortable that this 1833 “sealing” took place years before Smith told his church's members that God had passed on the “priesthood keys” which made polygamy a divine commandment: In 1836 Joseph Smith received, in the Kirtland Temple , additional fundamental priesthood keys. These priesthood powers included the keys of the gathering of Israel, the keys of the gospel of Abraham, and the keys of the sealing power, each set of powers restored personally by Moses , Elias, and Elijah. (See D&C 110 .)”









Since polygamy was illegal in every state that Smith practiced the lifestyle , not only was he a polygamist, but also he was an adulterer since his only legal marriage was to Emma Smith, who was not “sealed to him” as his first polygamous wife.

For many who leave the Mormon religion, finding out that Joseph Smith was sealed to and consummated those sealings with two 14 year-old girls were the that either started them on the path out of Mormonism or broke their shelf of doubts completely and ended their relationship with the religion. Sometimes, mental shelves are broken by Smith's marriages to already-married women (polyandry) whose husbands had been sent far away on two-year missions by Smith, the same time frame young Mormon men go out into the world to experience the difficulty of selling their religion, effectively introducing them to the feeling of martyrdom necessary to Mormon sainthood. historical facts that either started them on the path out of Mormonism or broke their shelf of doubts completely and ended their relationship with the religion. Sometimes, mental shelves are broken by Smith's marriages to already-married women (polyandry) whose husbands had been sent far away on two-year missions by Smith, the same time frame young Mormon men go out into the world to experience the difficulty of selling their religion, effectively introducing them to the feeling of martyrdom necessary to Mormon sainthood.





Being married to the prophet was supposed to bring these women and their families into the highest of the three levels of Mormon Heaven, the , an idea that some believe to be Heaven and Hell published in 1784 by Emmanuel Swedenborg. Some are bothered by the idea that Joseph Smith sold those women and their families (particularly their fathers) , for the opportunity to bed those young women. No matter what, those women and their families would reign in Heaven as gods, goddesses, and high priestesses. All they had to do to save their loved ones was to marry Smith and consummate that marriage. Celestial Kingdom , an idea that some believe to be plagiarized from an exalted place in Heaven, one that was assured , for the opportunity to bed those young women. No matter what, those women and their families would reign in Heaven as gods, goddesses, and high priestesses. All they had to do to save their loved ones was to marry Smith and consummate that marriage.









2) Joseph Smith: Serial Law Breaker

In 1826 (New York), of “pretending to find lost treasures,” which seems to be what we might consider fraud. In 1830, he performed an exorcism, was arrested as a disorderly person, and then acquitted. In 1837 (Kirtland, Ohio), he was accused of plotting murder, and in 1838, he fled charges of fraud and illegal banking. In 1838 (Missouri), Smith was court-martialed for treason and then sent to Missouri State Court for further prosecution, where a number of his own Mormons turned state's evidence against him. He and five other Mormons were charged by the state for treason; however, his attempts to escape jail finally succeeded when he bribed a sheriff, and he ran away to Illinois. Joseph Smith was convicted of “pretending to find lost treasures,” which seems to be what we might consider fraud. In 1830, he performed an exorcism, was arrested as a disorderly person, and then acquitted. In 1837 (Kirtland, Ohio), he was accused of plotting murder, and in 1838, he fled charges of fraud and illegal banking. In 1838 (Missouri), Smith was court-martialed for treason and then sent to Missouri State Court for further prosecution, where a number of his own Mormons turned state's evidence against him. He and five other Mormons were charged by the state for treason; however, his attempts to escape jail finally succeeded when he bribed a sheriff, and he ran away to Illinois.





There seems to be a number of reasons for Joseph Smith and Sidney Rigdon being tarred and feathered in 1832. Yet, only Smith was nearly castrated. One reason given for the tarring and feathering was the plot to take other Mormons' property and put it in Smith's control (which seems to have eventually become the Mormon Law of Consecration, Doctrine and Covenants 14), and as for Smith's nearly losing his testicles, it has been suggested it was due to his inappropriate intimacies with a 12 year-old girl (who was actually 16 years-old). In 1829, he was accused of seducing Eliza Winters and was overheard claiming that adultery wasn't a crime. Joseph married to Emma in 1827, so any sexual activity outside of marriage during Smith's time within the boundaries of the United States would have fit the legal definition of adultery as it applied during his lifetime.





Nauvoo Expositor In 1844, Smith had the printing press at the destroyed and the building burned after the newspaper published an article exposing Mormon practices of polygamy and polyandry . He immediately ran away to Iowa, was persuaded to return and then was arrested, jailed, and killed during a shoot-out (he also fired shots into the mob) at the jail.





Some Mormons believe that God allowed Smith to die to prevent him from further leading the Church astray. Some believe Smith to be murdered, an innocent victim, and thus the Church's first martyr, justifying their claims of historical as well as current religious persecution. Others feel betrayed by the religion whose members sing “Praise to the Man” often and elevate to near God status a mere mortal man who honed his powers of persuasion and was a slave to his huge sexual appetite rather than a mortal man of God working toward the best interest of all.





3) Translation Issues





Pearl of Great Price. According to Mormon scholars, the Book of Abraham adds to what can be known about his life and what he taught, expanding on Old Testament stories. The only problem? F According to the Mormon Church's website, lds.org, Joseph Smith translated papyrus, and that translation became the Book of Abraham, canonized as scripture in the. According to Mormon scholars, the Book of Abraham adds to what can be known about his life and what he taught, expanding on Old Testament stories. The only problem? F uneral papyri that was produced approximately 1500 years after Abraham's time period couldn't have been written in Abraham's own hand.





Once the Rosetta Stone was decoded, it was possible to translate the fragments of Smith's papyri that were reproduced in the Pearl of Great Price. In 1912, Egyptologists outside of Mormonism's influence translated the published copies and called Smith's translation a fraud.





In 1966, fragments of the original papyri were found in the New York Metropolitan Museum of Art, so Egyptologists took advantage of the opportunity to study them. The results were the same. The Book of Breathing and The Book of the Dead were found to be the original sources for the papyri commonly buried with Egyptians at the beginning of the Christian era.









Learning this piece of Mormon history has been the tipping point for many questioning Mormons who found they had no more questions because they had no testimony left to strengthen.





4) Racism in the Book of Mormon and Mormon Doctrine

For over a hundred years, blacks could not hold the priesthood because they weren't “white and delight-some.” They had not fought valiantly in the War in Heaven during the Mormon pre-existence, so Elohim (one of three Mormon gods, which include Jehovah who is also known as Jesus, and the Holy Ghost) punished them by giving them the Mark of Cain, darkened skin, so all would know they were unworthy, according to the Book of Mormon. Brigham Young is reported to have embraced and enforced this particular idea, and many Mormon authorities justified and explained how it was the fault of those less valiant dark skinned people rather than God or Joseph Smith's fault.





However, when Brigham Young University was boycotted by athletes from other universities' sports programs, and there was a problem discovering racial purity in South America where Mormon temples were to be built, Mormon leadership “revealed” in 1978 that previous prophets were products of their time periods, merely men who did not possess knowledge of the future. Thus, people who were not “ white and delight-some ” could now, finally, participate fully in the religion, have priesthood authority conferred upon them, pay their tithing and go to the temple. Some younger members cheered while some older members complained a little.





There are statements in our literature by the early brethren which we have interpreted to mean that the Negroes would not receive the priesthood in mortality. I have said the same things, and people write me letters and say, "You said such and such, and how is it now that we do such and such?" And all I can say to that is that it is time disbelieving people repented and got in line and believed in a living, modern prophet. Forget everything that I have said, or what President Brigham Young or President George Q. Cannon or whomsoever has said in days past that is contrary to the present revelation. We spoke with a limited understanding and without the light and knowledge that now has come into the world.... We get our truth and our light line upon line and precept upon precept. We have now added a new flood of intelligence and light on this particular subject, and it erases all the darkness and all the views and all the thoughts of the past. They don't matter any more.... It doesn't make a particle of difference what anybody ever said about the Negro matter before the first day of June of this year [1978]. [Emphasis added]

Some ex-Mormons, who remember the Civil Rights demonstrations in the 60s and 70s, as well as this speech, liken the command to “forget” the past to a line of dialogue from Star Wars: “These are not the 'droids you're looking for” (Jedi mind control hand swipe visual). Ex-mormons also point out that later generations and converts have little or no knowledge of Mormon racist theology because the Church Education System no longer emphasizes the theology in its correlated curriculum teaching materials even though the racist theology has never been edited out of the “most correct book on Earth.”









This about-face in the Mormon leadership's stance on racism sometimes leads questioning Mormons to wonder what good is having a prophet when that mortal man cannot fulfill the definition of prophecy ? To ex-Mormons, Mormon prophets can seem more like oracles who reveal current policy changes rather than prophets who make predictions.





Some Mormons have wondered if God withheld the prophecy of Hitler's persecution of the Jews because the Jews “killed Jesus.” Others believe that the Mormon power of prophecy is not true precisely because the Mormon prophet did not receive and publicly announce a revelation that would have saved so many lives. The burden of prophecy cuts both ways, it seems.





Lack of Financial Transparency: Members wonder “Where does my tithing go?”





Many ex-Mormons f ind solace in the company of like-minded others who understand the painful difficulty in learning how to navigate a brand new non-Mormon world and who are also determined to share their pain with the institution and the members who contributed to that pain. The list of reasons for not rejoining is lengthy, but talking about these issues is what builds connections and a sense of community between disaffected members who are in “recovery from Mormonism.”









Given this particular idea from a leader Mormons were taught to trust until his death in July 2015, it's easier for non-Mormons to understand why Mormons are encouraged (in 2013) to “ doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith.”





I encourage doubting Mormons and those investigating Mormonism to include viewpoints from Ex-Mormons and Post-Mormons in your quest for truth, knowledge, and understanding. Doing so will either revitalize your Testimony in knowing that the “Church is True” or give you something more to think about during your scripture studies.



