— Asked by Anonymous

Don’t feel dumb! It’s all pretty confusing when you start out. I actually never considered that some might think gray-asexuality and gray-sexuality would point to different places on the spectrum, but I personally have always used them interchangeably; the only thing that matters within the ace community seems to be that the word “gray” is in there somewhere. I haven’t heard of the nuances meaning different things, but maybe they do to some people.

Being gray can mean a LOT of different things, including but not limited to:

experiencing sexual attraction, but having no desire to act upon it (a lack of interest in sex)

infrequently experiencing sexual attraction, in such a way that you identify with asexuality

finding the concept of asexuality useful in determining your own sexuality

being unsure as to whether you’ve ever experienced sexual attraction at all

being able to find people sexually attractive but only under limited or specific circumstances

I personally identify as gray because even though I have an interest in and desire for sex (unlike many aces) and an average libido, I very rarely find people sexually attractive. Hope that helps!