The Saturn Ion Redline is already being forgotten. It's a blast to drive, but the second I got out of it, I remembered I had to pee. That made me feel bad, because in the moment, I knew I was driving one of the best factory sleepers ever made.

This thing is ridiculous! It's too fast! The Saturn Ion Redline, a bit more than a decade after its inception, has become a car for teenagers who view detention as a validation for their rotten sense of individuality. Ion Redlines can't hold traction, torque steer out of their lanes, and, worst of all, look like they were styled by artists who thought Akira was a documentary.

The Saturn Ion Redline was a coupe with mini suicide rear doors and powered by a factory-supercharged 2.0-liter DOHC LSJ inline four, the engine later used in the Chevy Cobalt SS. Stock, the Ion Redline made 236 horsepower and 218 lb-ft of torque. The Redline that I drove in the accompanying video made approximately 250 hp thanks to some modifications, including 42-lb injectors; ported heads, a 3-inch supercharger pulley (stock was 3.6 inches), an intake manifold spacer, and a cold air intake that breathes from the wheel well.

This particular Redline was one of 227 produced in 2007 with the GM "Competition Package" that came with a limited-slip differential, lip-service wheels and springs, and a pat-on-the-back boost gauge on the steering column with dual LED shift-light prompts, which lit up on either side of the gauge like runway landing lights.

So why didn't the Ion get any real attention? For one thing, it came out in 2003, one year after the Dodge Neon SRT-4, which was fluffed-up by all the big car publications and reviewers. Heck, the SRT-4 even had its own fan art. No one was posting sketches of Ion Redlines on Deviantart.

Who originally bought Ion Redlines? Sophisticated Dads, that's who. To like the Redline, you have to also like the base Saturn Ion, a car for graphic designers who get into bar fights over Prisma markers. Saturn Ion: The official car of "I want a car that's fun, and my idea of 'fun' is going to Target and making a day of it."

The official car of "I want a car that's fun, and my idea of 'fun' is going to Target and making a day of it."

The biggest difference between the two cars was that a Neon SRT-4 advertised its speed with a grotesque rear deck wing and a fake hood scoop. All the Redline had was a JDM-style aero kit that looked a bit too "manga" for the car's overall shape. In spite of its factory body kit, the Ion Redline still rode on a GM delta platform—a shape that attracted health-food fathers who watched the World Cup but voted for George W. Bush twice.

Here's the funny thing: Although the Neon SRT-4 and Ion Redline made about the same power, the SRT-4's power was controllable because boost lag is a good thing sometimes. If you want to control a car, you want to prevent all the power from rushing out the classroom door like elementary kids on the last day of school before Christmas Vacation. Plus, when I drove this Redline, I had to firmly hold the steering wheel anytime I got on the power because the torque steer was more spastic than—OMG SQUIRREL!

Saturn Ion Redline: The Howard Dean scream of torque steer.

First gear is useless! All first gear did was spike the boost and skip the tires all over my lane. I grabbed second, and the front wheels spun again. The front of the car got light and had its own prerogative. The owner wanted me to stay "in it," so I did. Under load, the Redline didn't want to be controlled because second gear is good for 60 mph and the front of the car danced all the way there.

Stock boost on an Ion Redline is 12.5 lbs from the GM LSJ SC motor. The Ion I drove was making a limited 8 psi in first gear (which still spun the wheels too easily), and a preposterous 16 psi in second gear on up.

This sounds like a great car to have fun in all the way to school and back. You can outrun the meatheads who drive 90s Z28 Camaros. You get better fuel economy than all the poseurs in their parent-funded F-250s. But you also need to be committed to being a sleeper. No GM delta platform looks good modded, and neither did this Ion I drove. The current owner lamented the previous owner's terrible choice of a dual exhaust that did nothing but attract local constabulary.

You can outrun the meatheads who drive 90s Z28 Camaros. You get better fuel economy than all the poseurs in their parent-funded F-250s.

When I drove the Redline, all I could think about is the failed presidential run of John Kerry. Driving an early 2000s Saturn, even with a supercharged engine, made me feel like the only liberal in a room full of muzzle-loading, Mopar-loving militiamen. The Ion is furious in the moment, but the second its tires stop smoking and the driver stops showing off, the car becomes a lame old Saturn again. Time for church.

Everyone wants to think that their car is the most important piston machine that changed the whole automotive world. Most cars aren't that important. There's only so many stars and 2CV's. Even fast cars aren't that important. For every Mustang 390 GT, there's a Studebaker Silver Hawk, Falcon Sprint, I-ROC, Scamp, Mustang II, and Corolla S. Despite being fun, the Saturn Ion Redline will forever be relegated to the dusty shelves of history.

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