by BILL REESE

Before I get into my piece, let me make one thing perfectly clear: I am—by no means—a “Pro/Rel Truther.” I am not a “Pro/Rel Extremist.” I am not going to blow up your Twitter notifications when you talk about how much you love the MLS playoffs. Nor am I going to yell from the mountaintops that Rochester Rhinos deserve a shot to play against NASL teams next season (even if I think they’d actually do fairly well).

Ladies and gentlemen, I am a realist. The soccer league structure in America is not what it is in other countries. We have closed leagues. We have franchises and single entity structures. We have MLS reserve sides playing alongside longstanding independent clubs. We can argue over whether or not we have “clubs” at all or whether we have franchised businesses. Whatever we have, it is what it is.

The purpose of this article is not to say “what we have is terrible, and we need to be like Europe.”

The purpose of this article is, “what if…?”

For the purposes of this article, I am God. Like, the God. I’d have to be God because He—and only He—could bring about the necessary changes to the American soccer league pyramid—and He’d still have to win a couple of lengthy court battles to do so.

You may call me “Soccer God” (apologies to Kev Brown).

As “Soccer God,” my first order of business is to decree that America’s soccer leagues must abandon their “heathen” closed system and find true salvation through the tried and true European system of promotion and relegation.

The first problem is that the number of teams in each division are uneven. We can fix that. We all agree that 20 teams is a nice round number for a top division. (We’ll forget for a second that the Bundesliga is one of the world’s top leagues and has 18, but that’s irrelevant to our conversation on the basis that it doesn’t support a tin foil narrative).

MLS is currently at a nice round 20 teams. We’ll leave that as it is.

The NASL is… well… a party in desperate need of some flavor. Let’s fix that. Firstly, we will allow the 2016 NASL expansion teams—Puerto Rico FC and Miami FC—to enter straight into the second division. Why not make them start at the bottom? I am Soccer God, and sins can be bought off and absolved through indulgences, that’s why. So that leaves the NASL with an uneven 13 clubs. They’ll need some help.

To get the NASL up to 20 teams, we will promote a whopping nine teams from the third division USL to the NASL. Why nine? We’ll get to that in a minute.

What about all those MLS “2” teams that are in the USL? They’re not invited to the party. Your Soccer God has decreed that no “MLS 2” team can be promoted above the third division, even if they finish in an automatic promotion spot. In that instance, the next eligible independent club will acquire that place. What about Rio Grande Valley FC or Bethlehem Steel FC, who are “MLS 2” clubs but are loosely independent… Uh… Next question!

Who goes up and who goes down? Great question! For this first season—where all the leagues need to be evened out—the promotion and relegation system will be somewhat complicated. In MLS, we’re going to the one true table, the single table. The bottom three clubs in the single table will be relegated straight down in to the NASL. They will be replaced by 3 clubs from that division—the top two points leaders—who will qualify automatically—and the winners of a home & home playoff between the teams with the 3rd and 4th highest points totals.

At the bottom of the NASL, the bottom two clubs will be relegated to the USL. As mentioned earlier, nine non-MLS “2” clubs will be promoted from the USL to MLS. The top seven will be promoted automatically. Teams 8–11 (again, presuming they are not MLS “2” clubs) will play a home & home playoff. The winner of each series will join the NASL in 2016.

Wow! Isn’t that wild?!

When the dust finally settles, we will have 20 MLS clubs, 20 NASL clubs and 21 USL clubs in 2016.

(What about all those expansion teams joining in the next few years?) Uh… Next question!

Almost every team across three leagues will have something to play for, especially in the USL.

Now I know the MLS, NASL, and USL regular seasons are already over and nobody started the year thinking that their league form would jeopardize their place in their league, but I am a vengeful Soccer God, and I am applying my pro/rel system to this season’s standings, discarding the conferences and split-season stats along the way.

Behold! The final tables!

MLS Pts. 1 New York Red Bulls 60 MLS Champion 2 FC Dallas 60 CONCACAF Champions League 3 Columbus Crew SC 53 CONCACAF Champions League 4 Vancouver Whitecaps FC 53 CCL Playoff 5 Portland Timbers 53 CCL Playoff 6 Montreal Impact 51 7 D.C. United 51 8 Seattle Sounders FC 51 9 LA Galaxy 51 10 Sporting Kansas City 51 11 New England Revolution 50 12 Toronto FC 49 13 San Jose Earthquakes 47 14 Orlando City SC 44 15 Houston Dynamo 42 16 Real Salt Lake 41 17 New York City FC 37 18 Philadelphia Union 37 Relegated to NASL 19 Colorado Rapids 37 Relegated to NASL 20 Chicago Fire 30 Relegated to NASL NASL Pts . 1 New York Cosmos 56 Promoted to MLS 2 Ottawa Fury FC 56 Promoted to MLS 3 Minnesota United FC 53 Promotion Playoff 4 Fort Lauderdale Strikers 41 Promotion Playoff 5 Tampa Bay Rowdies 39 6 Carolina RailHawks 35 7 FC Edmonton 35 8 Atlanta Silverbacks 33 9 Indy Eleven 33 10 San Antonio Scorpions 31 Relegated to USL 11 Jacksonville Armada FC 31 Relegated to USL USL Pts . 1 Rochester Rhinos 61 Promoted to NASL 2 Louisville City FC 48 Promoted to NASL 3 Orange County Blues FC 47 Promoted to NASL 4 OKC Energy FC 47 Promoted to NASL 5 Charleston Battery 46 Promoted to NASL 6 Colorado Springs Switchbacks FC 46 Promoted to NASL 7 Sacramento Republic FC 46 Promoted to NASL 8 LA Galaxy II 45 Ineligible for Promotion Above 3rd Division 9 New York Red Bulls II 42 Ineligible for Promotion Above 3rd Division 10 Seattle Sounders FC 2 42 Ineligible for Promotion Above 3rd Division 11 Pittsburgh Riverhounds 41 Promotion Playoff 12 Richmond Kickers 41 Promotion Playoff 13 Charlotte Independence 40 Promotion Playoff 14 Harrisburg City Islanders 39 Promotion Playoff 15 Tulsa Roughnecks FC 39 16 Portland Timbers 2 35 Ineligible for Promotion Above 3rd Division 17 Saint Louis FC 33 18 Austin Aztex 33 19 Arizona United SC 32 20 Vancouver Whitecaps FC 2 30 Ineligible for Promotion Above 3rd Division 21 Real Monarchs SLC 29 Ineligible for Promotion Above 3rd Division 22 FC Montreal 28 Ineligible for Promotion Above 3rd Division 23 Toronto FC II 23 Ineligible for Promotion Above 3rd Division 24 Wilmington Hammerheads FC 19

RESULTS:

NYCFC narrowly avoid the drop in their first season on goal difference. That means that the MLS 2016 season will have all three New York teams battling it out for supremacy.

Here’s what the leagues will look like next season, assuming the top seeds win all their promotion playoff matches.

MLS in 2016 NASL in 2016 USL in 2016 Columbus Crew SC Atlanta Silverbacks Arizona United SC D.C. United Carolina RailHawks Bethlehem Steel FC FC Dallas Charleston Battery Charlotte Independence Houston Dynamo Chicago Fire FC Cincinnati LA Galaxy Colorado Rapids FC Montreal Minnesota United FC Colorado Springs Switchbacks FC Harrisburg City Islanders Montreal Impact FC Edmonton Jacksonville Armada FC New England Revolution Fort Lauderdale Strikers LA Galaxy II New York City FC Indy Eleven New York Red Bulls II New York Cosmos Louisville City FC Orlanco City B New York Red Bulls Miami FC Portland Timbers 2 Orlando City SC OKC Energy FC Real Monarchs SLC Ottawa Fury FC Orange County Blues FC Rio Grande Valley FC Portland Timbers Philadelphia Union Saint Louis FC Real Salt Lake Pittsburgh Riverhounds San Antonio Scorpions San Jose Earthquakes Puerto Rico FC Seattle Sounders FC 2 Seattle Sounders FC Richmond Kickers Swope Park Rangers KC Sporting Kansas City Rochester Rhinos Toronto FC II Toronto FC Sacramento Republic FC Tulsa Roughnecks FC Vancouver Whitecaps FC Tampa Bay Rowdies Vancouver Whitecaps FC 2 Wilmington Hammerheads FC Promoted Relegated MLS “2” Team

After this first wild season, the promotions and relegations would switch to 3-up/3-down across all divisions. In the NASL and USL, teams 1-2 would be promoted automatically with teams 3-6 competing in an English Championship style playoff.

Would it work? Could it happen? Is it better? What about the Open Cup? What about flight costs? What about the PDL and the NPSL? What about stadium size? Are we all just “sheeple” drinking the single entity Kool-Aid?

Who cares.

Support your team. Show up in huge numbers. Win consistently.

If you do those things long enough and big enough, MLS just might ask your owner for $100 million and a seat at the table.

Soccer God bless America.