NHS hoping to recover after removal of malignant lump

The National Health Service is hoping it can make a full recovery after having a dangerous lump removed in an emergency operation yesterday.

It had appeared touch-and-go for the UK’s much-loved public organisation for a number of years, but following yesterday’s successful operation it is hoped there could be a brighter future for the much-beloved health care system.

“I already feel so much better in myself knowing that the cancerous fucker is gone,” said the NHS.

“My doctors had told me that the problems were spreading at an alarming rate, and they were seeing symptoms everywhere.

“If that lump hadn’t been removed then it would surely have been terminal. Maybe not immediately, but certainly in the near future.”

Friends of the NHS were in a celebratory mood yesterday, even if they weren’t taking anything for granted.

“The problem with these evil, nasty diseases is that, even when you think they’re gone for good, they can often turn up unexpectedly and cause greater problems,” said supporter Steph O’Scope.

“Also, another equally-sickening problem could appear in its place. You get rid of one tumour, only to realise another has sprung up in its place while you weren’t looking.

“We’re not counting our chickens yet, but at 70 years old we hope the NHS is still in good enough shape to live happily and healthily for a lot longer.”

However, the heartwarming news was dampened after it was discovered that the NHS’ good friend the Foreign Office, has now been diagnosed with the same virulent disease.