— When Ed Sabir came home from the jungles of Vietnam in 1966, he knew something was wrong.

He wouldn't know it for certain for several decades, but he had been exposed to Agent Orange — a highly toxic defoliant used extensively in jungle warfare — in the wilds of Phu Vin, about 50 miles north of Saigon. That chemical and his experiences in the war, Sabir said, changed his life for the worse.

Sabir, of the U.S. Army First Division Logistics, wasn't alone when he returned from the conflict: tinnitus, anxiety, anger and post-traumatic stress disorder joined him back in the states. His first marriage, his ability to sleep in a bed and any sense of calm he had were collateral damage when he came home.

"It's like you have a time bomb inside you that you know is going to come to an end, and you don't know whether you can delay it or stop it," Sabir said, referring to his anger and anxiety.

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Sabir, of Lakeside, never remembers his dreams, but he has them almost every night. He'll often wake up after a typical two- to three-hour sleep in a panic and with the sheets wrapped around his neck. Sabir, who later remarried, still can't sleep in bed next to anyone. For years, he's slept on a mattress on the ground.

"Technically, I should have been dead a long time ago," Sabir said. "Sometimes I look in the mirror and I wonder how I got this far."

However, at the age of 71, Sabir said, he believes he's found a sliver of peace that's escaped him for years. That peace, he said, was found in open water in a kayak, which was why he was at a lake at Picatinny Arsenal Saturday.

"This is paradise to me," Sabir said.

Sabir said the last time he had "a good sleep" was after he went kayaking at the Delaware Water Gap last year with Heroes on the Water — a therapeutic kayak-fishing program dedicated to the rehabilitation of disabled, active-duty personnel and veterans.

"They're a beautiful bunch of people," Sabir said. "They're heaven sent."

Heroes on the Water started in 2007 at Brooke Army Medical Center in Texas as a way to help wounded veterans "get physical," Jonathan Mueller, spokesman for the group's New Jersey chapter, said.

While physical therapists address wounded veterans' bodies and psychiatrists tend to their minds, Muller said, kayaking and fishing in semi-private locations — along with the group's camaraderie — helps treat veterans' spirits.

In 2012, Heroes on the Water started a chapter in New Jersey which has quickly grown and attracted dozens of volunteers and wounded veterans, Mueller said.

Pamela Smejkal, who lives near Lakehurst, said Heroes on the Water helped her connect to people again as the group has been "like a family" to her.

Smejkal, who served in Germany and Afghanistan with the New Jersey National Guard, has rheumatoid arthritis and PTSD, which, for her, manifests as "a high startle response," anxiety and depression.

That makes living in Lakehurst difficult, Smejkal said, because it's filled with "the sounds of war" such as helicopters and airplanes from the nearby military bases. It's even worse on New Year's Eve and the Fourth of July when people blow up fireworks.

Shopping at the supermarket used to be more of a challenge, too, before her service dog, Gunny, she said. The dog helps keep supermarket aisles clear for her when she shops, otherwise, the anxiety can be crippling. Even still, it's been a challenge to leave her home, which is why Heroes on the Water had been a much needed change in her life, she said.

Besides helping her get out of the house, Smejkal said, volunteers and members of the group regularly kept in touch

to see how everyone is doing and to provide a much needed connection.

"They've done so much for me," Smejkal said.

U.S. Army Major Troy Brannon, who helped organize Saturday's event at Picatinny Arsenal, said about 30 volunteers participated in the day-long kayaking and fishing outing, and that those volunteers along with local sponsors supplied veterans with kayaks, fishing rods and reels, tackle, flotation devices, safety instructions and lunch.

Everything is provided at no cost to the veterans or their families, Brannon said.

Brannon, who first arrived at the group as a participant for injuries sustained over the course of 24 years in the military including four deployments in Afghanistan, a rocket attack and a fused spine, said the group served as a form for rehabilitation for families as well.

Sabir, who began receiving treatment in 2008 for his PTSD, said the rehabilitation aspect of Heroes on the Water and the group activity had had tangible impacts on his life, and helped him stay more in control of his anger.

Sabir, though, said he's more reserved with the medication than recommended because he believes there's a tendency in the Department of Veterans Affairs to overprescribe to wounded veterans instead of treating the non-physical wounds.

"Don't pill a guy to death," Sabir said. "Kayaking is my medicine. If I submit completely to all the medications, I'd be a zombie, man. I feel more in control on my kayak with less medication than with more medication."

Sabir has found other ways to help treat his psychological wounds, too. He's currently training to be a veteran service officer in order to serve "as a go-between for wounded veterans and veterans services."