(Please see the very important note at the bottom of this table.) Table of Condiments

That Periodically Go Bad I XVI 1

My

Mayonnaise

3 months II III IV XI XII XIII XIV XV 2

S

Salt

N/A 3

H

Hollandaise

1 day 4

B

Butter

1.5 months 5

Mw

Miracle Whip

3 months 6

Hu

Hummus

1 week V VI VII VIII IX X 7

Od

Onion Dip

2 weeks 8

Tt

Tartar Sauce

3 months 9

V

Vinegar

3-5 years 10

M

Mustard

6-8 months 11

K

Ketsup

5 months 12

P

Pepper

4 years 13

Be

Bernaise

2 days 14

Ga

Garlic Sauce

1 day 15

Cc

Cream Cheese

2 weeks 16

Ti

Tahini Sauce

1 month 17

Bl

Bleu Cheese

2 months 18

R

Ranch

2 months 19

Pb

Peanut Butter

4 months 20

Lx

Lox

2 weeks 21

Pi

Pickles

6 months 22

Po

Pearl Onion

8 months 23

Cr

Croutons

2 months 24

Cs

Cocktail Sauce

6-8 months 25

Fi

Fish Sauce

5 months 26

Ym

Yellow Mustard

6-8 months 27

Ci

Chili Sauce

6-8 months 28

Sg

Sugar

2 years 29

Gc

Guacamole

2 days 30

Ws

White Sauce

2 days 31

Sc

Sour Cream

3 weeks 32

Th

Special Sauce

2 months 32A

Th

1,000 Island

2 months 33

Ma

Marmalade

2 months 34

V

Vegemite

2 months 35

Sy

Syrup

8 months 36

Re

Relish

6 months 37

Go

Green Olive

9 months 38

Ln

Lemon

2 months 39

Gs

Green Salsa

2 months 40

Sw

Sweet-n-Sour

4-5 months 41

Gm

Germ. Mustard

6-8 months 42

Ss

Steak Sauce

1 year 43

Nu

Aspartame

N/A 44

G

Gravy

3 days 45

Ch

Cheese Sauce

1 week 46

Wc

Whipped Cream

2 weeks 47

Vg

Vinaigrette

2 months 48

F

French

2 months 49

J

Jelly

4-5 months 50

Nt

Nutella

4 months 51

Fu

Fudge Sauce

6-8 months 52

Hr

Horseradish

6-8 months 53

Jñ

Jalapeño

6 months 54

Oo

Olive Oil

6 months 55

Rs

Red Sauce

2 months 56

Sf

Stir-Fry Sauce

8 months 57

Dj

Dijonnaise

6-8 months 58

Ts

Taco Sauce

2 years 59

Xx

Saccharin

N/A 60

Au

Au Jus

3 days 61

Cz

Cheese Wiz

N/A 62

Mg

Margarine

6 months 63

Ch

Chutney

5 months 64

Hm

Honey Mustard

2 months 65

H

Honey

8 months 66

Pe

Peanut Sauce

8 months 67

Cp

Choc. Syrup

6-8 months 68

Bo

Baco Bits

N/A 69

Pm

Pimento

9 months 70

Ds

Duck Sauce

4-5 months 71

Wu

Worcestershire

1 year 72

So

Soy Sauce

1 year 73

Bq

BBQ Sauce

6-8 months 74

Ta

Tabasco

2-5 years 75

X

Maraschino

N/A A page that identifies itself as "The strange and true story of The Periodic Table of Condiments". The original version of this table (which I have shamelessly copied, colorized, and make no intellectual property claims upon) has the following attribution: "This invaluable scientific tool brought to you by F.N.O.R.D., with special thanks to that design genius, Ben Day." Since I continue to receive messages quibbling with the contents of this chart, allow me to be more specific: I didn't write this f***ing thing. I take no responsibility for any of the information on it.

It's supposed to be a joke. Again -- if you think I wrote this, then you would be wrong. Okay? So if you have a burning desire to tell someone that Peanut Sauce only lasts six and one-half months, or whatever, please write to the Secret Service detail in charge of guarding the President. They love to get mail like that. But don't bother writing to me. Thank you. --- The Management Up to The Information Page,

or all the way Up to The Dr Foo Home Page.