Mountains of Emptiness By RelativeEquinox Watch

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Hyval was never someone who sought out adventure in his life. He always cared more about having someone to actually share it with. When he lost that, he almost didn't care to adventure anymore.





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It's been a few weeks since the break up. I'm not crying myself to sleep anymore, but the pain is still there. Some days I still wake up hoping that it was a dream or some nightmare, and things would go back to normal as soon as I woke myself up enough. Instead I just have nightmares and then wake up back here. It still feels wrong, not talking to her every day. Some nights when I'm lying in bed I just have this horrible feeling in my chest like I'm waiting for something that's not coming.



The years I spent in my relationship with Kira were hands down the best of my life. That's not an exaggeration. Never before had I ever felt a connection to anyone like I had with her, and had I not been prompted to move closer to her I guarantee that I would not right now be in pilot school. Instead I'd probably still be back home, commuting to my old college where I was jumping from dead end major to dead end major for years. I'll always be grateful for her supporting me as I finally transitioned into what for me is adulthood. We loved each other, and we would be able to do anything together and have fun with it. We could just stay at home and be on the computer together or we could go out and have our formal dates. Whatever it was, so long as we were with each other in some way, it was great. Even when we were physically separated we would be in constant contact online. All of our interactions made our relationship stronger. Just being able to feel her presence in some form was what kept me going through some of my hardest days. Until recently we've never even argued or felt a bump. The few times when we did, I never felt it was ever anything that we couldn't overcome together. All the time I thought she felt the same way. I guess I was wrong on the very last one.



Thinking back on all of the good times we had together now just sort of... hurts. What does it matter that those things happened if none of it will ever come again? What's so special about all of it if it was worth throwing away? And worst of all, was any of it legitimate? How long have I hurt her badly enough that she actually enjoyed any of it, or wanted to continue following it through? How much of it was real and how much of it did I push her to lie about?



I don't even like being called York anymore. It was a name she practically gave me and every time someone calls me by it I cringe a little bit.



...I was going to propose to her later this year. I don't know how many of you guys knew about that.









I suppose none of it can be helped now. Barring a rather serious and sudden change of heart what has passed has passed.



I'm slowly coming to terms with the possibility that I'll never have a connection like I had with her again. Even if I find someone else, I have a hard time imagining it. That sounds like an incredibly juvenile and/or angsty teenager thing to say, but I'm serious. This was no 2-week nothing-special relationship between two pubescent high schoolers. We both sacrificed a lot to be together because at some point, we wanted this to happen and carry through to the long term. What we had was something special and I seriously thought there was nothing in the world that could ever be more so than what was there. Now I'm very afraid that I might have been right!



These pilot girls, or the mechanics, they're soldiers all of 'em. Army life shows, folks. I haven't met one that didn't live a lifestyle an infinite amount of times more active than mine. I'll never keep up. Even if I could, these ladies have no time for Pokemon or drawing or the kinds of video games that I like. They wanna hike huge mountains and swim and fight people. You become a helicopter pilot because you want to be an adventurer, and most of my classmates are adventurers. Me being unique in not being of that sorta mindset as a pilot leaves me at an immense disadvantage in that regard.



Well OK, what about nerdy girls? Oh boy, well, for one thing, how many of them do you think have boyfriends already in this day and age? For another... I dunno. Nerdy folks my age are getting hard to find. The ones in college are starting to get too young for me, and I hate to say this but most guys and girls of the college age that hang in, say, the anime club tend to be a little bit nihilistic and NEET-y. That's not a rule of course and I don't want to make it seem like I'm generalizing anyone, but I hung out with a lot of nerdy type folks in college and a huuuggeee majority of the people in these cliques acted like that. Trust me, if I was compatible with somebody in my college I would've jumped at the chance.



I'm not trying to put myself above either of the types of people in those things I mentioned above, I definitely have my share of flaws that put me right on everybody else's level and in my mind not all I said was necessarily bad. The end result though is that I just don't really see myself with anybody in either of these crowds.



On top of that, I'm likely going to be taking a biiiig move in a little under a year once I finish my Instructor-level license. I've no prospectives. I'm probably going to be alone for a very long time.







I'm sorry for typing this stuff out here. It'll probably be the last piece I make regarding what was the "Yorkira" ship ever on this account. I just really needed to say all of this. Broken hearts take a long time to heal, and mine's never been this broken before.





And to Kira, if you ever see this, I'm sorry I failed you. If I was a better person than I am I probably would have seen what happened coming, and I would've worked harder to fix it. I know it was too little, too late.









TL;DR My heart still insanely hurts. I don't think I'll be in a relationship for a long time, and as cliche as it sounds, I can't picture having one as deep as I did with Kira ever again. Also I'm sorry I made the mistake that I did, because I didn't know at the time it was as serious as it wound up being.

IMAGE DETAILS Image size 3252x2428px 2.19 MB Make Apple Model iPhone 6 Plus Shutter Speed 1/30 second Aperture F/2.2 Focal Length 4 mm ISO Speed 40 Date Taken Feb 9, 2017, 4:07:23 PM Show More

Published : Feb 10, 2017