As new members take their place in parliament, they are being schooled on how to survive the corrosive culture of Canberra

When the 2019 class of new MPs came to Canberra this week, one of the people who spoke to them about their impending political life was a doctor.

Mike Freelander, a paediatrician and MP for the suburban Sydney seat of Macarthur, had a clear message to the 27 new MPs who will take their seats in parliament’s bear pit for the first time on Monday: “Don’t lose track of your family.”

The pointed message comes amid an ongoing discussion about the strains of a federal political career – the human toll of the often toxic work culture in Parliament House.

Don't lose track of your family Mike Freelander, MP

While the clerk of the house, David Elder, and speaker, Tony Smith, put the MPs through their paces on procedural matters, Freelander spoke to the new members about how to juggle family life with the enormous public demands of a political career.

In the short time since he was elected in 2016, Freelander said he had witnessed many relationship breakdowns – too many – saying it was a common casualty of an unnatural political life that required many sacrifices.

“In the short time I have been here, I have seen a lot of it, it is a bit disappointing.

“It is an enormous price to pay for everyone – the spouse, the kids, the MP themselves – it is an enormous price to pay.”

The revolving leadership door of the past decade in Canberra has shone a spotlight on the brutal work culture of Parliament House, which would be intolerable, if not illegal, in most other modern workplaces.

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In the furnace of leadership turmoil, bullying, backstabbing, white-anting and outright treachery have all become so commonplace that they now barely raise a political eyebrow.

At the same time, public cynicism about Australian politics has galvanised as voters witness an ego-driven political culture that has become too frequently obsessed with itself.

In the last parliament, the attrition rate among MPs was high. The constitutional wrecking ball of section 44 saw more than a dozen resignations, while the departure of a number of other MPs for “family reasons” further fuelled the debate about whether Canberra’s culture was too corrosive for anyone wanting to live a sane and balanced life.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Dr Michael Freelander, here with Dr Kerryn Phelps, talked to new MPs at their induction. Photograph: Mike Bowers/The Guardian

Tim Hammond, a rising star of the Labor party from Western Australia, resigned after just two years in the job, saying it had put too much pressure on his young family, while another new Labor MP, Emma Husar, was disendorsed after allegations were levelled against her of bullying and sexual harassment. The harassment charge was found to be without substance.

Barnaby Joyce became the poster boy for family dysfunction after it was revealed he and a staffer, Vicki Campion, had engaged in an affair while she worked as his media adviser. Joyce lost his job and his marriage, with the dalliance leading to Malcolm Turnbull introducing a “bonk ban” between MPs and their staff.

It was a torrid time.

Freelander does not want to say it out loud but agrees the problem of MPs engaging in extramarital affairs is rife.

“To be honest I don’t think people set out with the idea, but there are certain attractions to political life. I see it is a bit of an ego thing; you get a lot of attention, it is very positive often, you know what Canberra is like, there are parties every night, there is lots of alcohol being drunk … there are a lot of temptations, and I think it is sometimes hard to resist those temptations.

“There is lots of fun being a member of parliament but you should never lose track of the fact that your family is back at home doing the stuff that many of us find really painful.

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“Everyone’s circumstances are different but it is an ego-driven job, and you can fall into the trap of following your ego rather than following your brain.”

Freelander, a father of six and grandfather of six, said he had advised MPs to put aside time for family, saying he was always mindful to block off time that prioritised his wife, children and grand children.

“You have to give your family some time that is sacrosanct and make sure that you don’t get negotiated out of that. You need to set aside time that is your family’s and they should expect that, and not have you break the rules and go off on a trip or something like that,” he said.

“We have all signed up to this, but our families didn’t.”

Josh Burns, Labor’s new MP for the Victorian seat of Macnamara, conceded it would be difficult to miss time with his young daughter, who was just six weeks old when he first began the process of preselection for the seat.

“The thing I am genuinely worried about is missing out on key milestones, and not being there, and not being at home,” he said.

He had heard the message that being an MP was “incredible and amazing”, but also temporary, and not to forget about family at home.

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“But I think being a member of this place is something where it should be hard, and it should be exhausting, and it should be draining because it is important work.

“To represent 100,000 people, many of whom need a representative, should be hard and should require a sacrifice because, if it is done properly, it is a worthy thing to do.

“But we are all people, and we all need to make sure that those we care about are the first people we look after, and then everyone else.”

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Kate Ellis and 13 month old Charlie during voting in the House of Representatives, 10 September 2018. Photograph: Mike Bowers/The Guardian

Kate Ellis, who juggled her political career while also raising a young family, said she had witnessed an improvement in the past 15 years in federal parliament, with people recognising the challenge of trying to strike the balance between work and family life.

“I guess if I had advice it would be take advantage of the fact that there is a much higher level of understanding amongst your colleagues now, that you can ask for help when you need it, that you can ask for leave when you need it. Your colleagues want it to work for you,” she said.

“Go in with open eyes, realise there are changes and work out how it is gong to work best for your family and make sure that you and your partner are on the same page.”

Ellis, who left parliament at the election to spend more time with her family, said that there had always been warnings about the high rate of relationship breakdowns, but said the debate had “moved on”.

“People are actually getting that there are bigger challenges than just keeping your pants on, there are a lot of people who are balancing their families.

“Going from having a normal family life to spending a third to half of your time on the other side of the country places a different pressure on your relationship. Even if everyone is behaving themselves, it is still hard to manage.”

Elder, who has been clerk of the house for the past five years, said part of the program for “MP school” was also to remind new members that life in parliament was not all about conflict.

“There are friends to be made on the other side of politics as well as your own side,” he said.

“The place does work in a bipartisan way in many regards behind the scenes and in informal ways like parliamentary friendship groups.

“It is not conflict all the time.”