(Draft) (no subject)

Yang (Fireballin17)

to Blakey | (Last edit was 8 hours ago)

Im not coming home blake, not for a long time if ever. I had to go cause there was so many things i needed to see and do, how can u not get this? I mean, i nver thought i had to explain to u why i had to go do this, not when u were always the one who hated being tied down, who wouldnt even let me move into her place despite fucking for like god knows how long okay? So what, I'm good enough for that but not to live with u? Guess ruby is though. Jesus.

Your SUPPOSED to be out here with me, seeing all of this with me, together, not stuck behind some desk job with a daily routein and whatever. I mean, jesus blake, that's not YOU! Its US, remmeber? Blake and yang, us dammit. Who gave a rats ass if we didn't know what we were, we were TOGETHER! And i really fucking miss that, okay?

I want you back.

Goddamnit im way too drunk for this.

New email, huh?

Yang (Fireballin17)

to Blakey | 11:46 AM (0 minutes ago)

I can't even tell you how good it is to hear from you! Also, I'm 100% sober this time, sorry for the kind of drunk ramblings last time.

I read your email a few times. I think you're right, I definitely need to temper my expectations. I mean, not that I have, like, a ton of those going into this, but yeah things could definitely go badly. I mean, she may not even want to see me at all. But I know if I don't go out there, if I got this close and never even tried to see her, I would regret it for the rest of my life. And that's kind of the whole reason I came out here, you know? I don't want to get to the end of the line and look back and see all the things I didn't do.

I know she won't be like Summer was though. I'm not, like, looking for a new mom. As far as I'm concerned, Summer was my mom. I still miss her, even after all this time, but I would never try to replace her. I just need to ask some questions. Questions only Raven is going to be able to answer for me.

Anyways, I guess I just really wanted to say thanks. I don't know how you do it, but you always find a way to put things into perspective really well. I'm feeling better, and I already called the bar to tell them I wasn't coming back. As soon as the hangover wears off, I'm going to start heading northwest.

But, until then, I've got some time to kill and apparently a lot of things I've missed out on back in Portland. So Ruby let the lease on our place go, huh? It wasn't because of financial reasons, right? I mean, I left her enough rent money to get by while she found a new roommate, plus I know dad's been helping her with her share while she's still in school. I guess the most shocking thing about you two moving in together is that you finally agreed to get a roommate, haha. I always thought you had some sort of paranoia about somebody else signing your lease with you. I mean, sure, I may have practically lived there, but not like, technically.

So what's this new job? I know you were talking about moving downtown when we graduated, but I guess if Ruby's moved in with you, you can't be too far from campus. Are you getting to write at all? I'm imagining you working at some sort of publishing company or something, haha.

What's dad been saying about me? I haven't really talked to him since I left. I guess, I dunno, I just feel really guilty. I mean, he did so much to help me when I was in school, especially financially, and now I'm just kind of… roaming. I mean, I feel like I need to do this, but it still sucks because I don't want him to think that I don't appreciate everything he did for me and everything he gave me, you know? Would you mind telling him that I'm safe and I miss him? Ruby too. I emailed her back when I left, let her know kind of what was going on and everything, but I haven't been in touch since. I know, I know, I'm being a bad big sister, but Ruby's a smart kid. She's had me looking over her shoulder her whole life, I'm sure she could use a break from that. Besides, I know she can handle herself.

Just, tell her I miss her, okay?

Let's see, what else? Oh! Yeah, other side of the world? Totally feels different. It's not just looking different (although it definitely does) but it feels different too, you know? It's hard to explain, but I guess an example would be how the cities affect the world differently. Yeah, that came out kind of weird psycho-spiritual thing, but hear me out: back home, the world kind of revolved around the cities. The cities were the center of culture and shit, it was the most important thing about where you lived is what city it was nearest. But out here, the cities are sort of...incidental? I think that's the word I want. A city is just a name. Sure there may be a lot of tall buildings here, but it's not the important thing. What's more important is the place as a whole, the gatherings all around the cities. In some ways, it makes the southeast feel bigger. Everywhere's important to somebody.

I don't know, I'm not great at expressing this kind of thing. You were always way better with words than me. You'd just have to experience it for yourself. I've always said we should travel more. I could get us a place for a little while if you wanted to come out and visit, you know. Or I could just pick you up at whatever airport I'm nearest and we could drive for a while. I mean, if you wanted to. Or could get away from your job (seriously, what do you do?).

I miss you too. I hope you know that. You know, as if I wasn't making that super obvious, haha.

Anyways, hope to hear back from you soon! Good luck with everything Blakey.

No I don't know where I'm going

But I sure know where I've been

Hanging on the promises of yesterday

And I've made up my mind

I ain't wasting no more time

Here I go again.

Sent from: Augusta Georgia