At least the grounds crew already has the template for painting the end zones.

I could have sworn we fired Clay Helton after starting 1–3. There’s no way a coach that was so despised by our fan base in the beginning of the season was able to rally the team and go on to win eight straight? Impossible.

For everyone who wanted to fire Clay Helton and jumped off the bandwagon in September, don’t worry, I kept the receipts. There’s a reason my viewership quadrupled since then, and it is not because I’ve gotten to be a better writer.

I don’t want to look ahead to next season — BECAUSE WE ARE IN THE F*CKING ROSE BOWL — but I feel I need to do my part in tempering the fans’ expectations for next year. Our first two games will most likely be against Western Michigan and Texas.

One of the best non-Power Five schools with the most ecstatic coach in the nation (ROW THE BOAT!) and one of the biggest programs in college football, reloaded with a talented head coach. If we drop one of these games, please remember what happened this year and try and stop yourself from trying to fire Clay Helton for the second time. I can already feel that I’ve fallen on deaf ears (or in this case, eyes).

Trojan Related News

They say the twelve-step program helps people recovering from addiction to alcohol. The fear of letting down Nick Saban seems to work just as well. Best of luck to Coach Sark.

It must relieve Coach Helton of some stress knowing that he has a backup plan if things don’t work out. That will be beneficial when he’s making crucial decisions in next year’s National Championship.

I like the move for Max Browne. He went from a school that is about to beat Penn State, to a school that already beat Penn State. Hope the Panthers have a solid offensive line because that cement on his feet will be stopping him from scrambling out of the pocket.

Surprisingly, a fan base that struggles to make it to games when the team is the best in the nation, did not show up to games after the teams’ slow start.

I will give Trojan fans a break here because of the awful home games they were given and the times they had to play them: Thursday night against Cal; Homecoming against one of the worst Oregon teams in the past decade; Multiple games at noon including, Thanksgiving weekend, in the rain, against a 4–8 Notre Dame.

Did I mention that Notre Dame is 4–8?

How can you be considered for this award if your fan base fired you in September? No, I will not stop harping on this!

Player Notes And Injuries

From getting arrested before the Holiday Bowl and not starting at the beginning of the year to 1st Team All-American. The come up has been real for Chad. Next stop: 1st Round Draft Pick?

Terrible, terrible, TERRIBLE coach. But an incredible recruiter.

This should come as no surprise. Just add it to the assortment of accolades he’s received this year. But there’s only one award that matters now.

Rose Bowl MVP would be nice too.

Somewhat of a surprise, but Damien Mama is considering the NFL draft after a very solid year anchoring the interior line.

It’s been said that Clay is a straight shooter when it comes to his players going to the NFL draft. If he thinks they are ready, he won’t try to hold them back and leave the decision up to them. This is the kind of thing you want to hear about a coach, especially since the majority of recruits that come to visit USC have the NFL on their minds. Won’t be any controversy like when Pete Carroll spoke out against Sanchez forgoing his senior year. He was absolutely right, but semantics.

My gut reaction: Clay (or his NFL Draft evaluation) convinces Mama stays one more year

As stated in my previous blog, the first legitimate Mock Drafts have been released and they don’t have Adoree’ going in the first round. This is weird because when I screamed at Todd McShay at the Notre Dame game, “WHERE DOES ADOREE’ GO?” he told me “Top 15”.

Taking a note from Adoree’ I went ahead and made my own Mock Draft. I have him going to the Raiders. Once they see his combine numbers they are going to do whatever they can to get him. That is, IF he declares.

Again trying not to look ahead to next year, but this is a huge loss to a line that will lose two to three of its linemen to the draft. Hoping Nate makes a fast recovery and he’s able to come back early in the season.

I’m not sure what side of the ball Rodgers is on these days, but hope to have him pass protocol before January 2nd.

Even without Lockett, Penn State will need to find a key to break through our secondary.

Even better news for some of our key players that fell earlier this year. Look forward to seeing them make up for lost time in the future.

90% is probably the healthiest JuJu has been all year.

Besides that, bumps and bruises from everyone else but luckily the five-week break in between games will allow every player to be fully healthy.

*looks up Depth Chart*

Meh.

Okay, now both teams are just making up people so they can suspend them. I refuse to look up if either of these players have any impact on that team. I assume they don’t because I didn’t get an ESPN alert.

Game Preview

This year, USC will actually be using the break between games to actually prepare for the bowl game. You may remember last year when Clay Helton and the team decide to barely practice and prepare for the Holiday Bowl, and it showed on the field as Cody Kessler was throwing five yard outs on fourth and 10 with no time remaining.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, three “game” weeks of preparation.

Hopefully they are just watching film from their games against Pitt and Michigan so they will be prepared to win a nail biter or a blowout, respectively.

Because not many hairs are standing up on top of that bowling ball of a noggin he’s rocking.

YOU WANT A WINNER? Take USC with the points*.

*This blog will not be responsible for any gambling losses that were influenced by this post.

There’s a new dean of RBU and his name is Ronald Jones. With all three running backs healthy, it looks like the keys to the running game have been given to the Texas Tesla.

With Browne transferring before the game, the Trojans lack depth at quarterback. If Darnold goes down, they will be left with Jalen Green and Matt Fink. You may remember Jalen Green from that one trick play we run every game thinking the defense forgets that one of our wide receivers was a former quarterback. And Matt Fink…

Matt Fink looks like Clay Helton created a time machine and grabbed Spicoli from Dazed and Confused and taught him how to play football. SURF’S UP TROJANS!

Took five years and five offensive line coaches, but looks like we have found the right one to piss off the players so much they perform well out of spite and anger.

Last game of the year, Brent. Can’t hold anything back.

*Brazzers’ Intro Sound*

Did someone say exotic?

Note: The author of this article was given this joke by a colleague. He has never been on Brazzers or watched pornography in his life.

So much for half our fan base thinking Iman should be converted to safety. While Iman is known to be flagged for one or two (or twenty) pass interference calls, the coaches have helped Biggie this year so that he is no longer notorious for collecting penalties.

It was getting really boring to hear every Pac-12 coach give the same canned answer about how talented our team is. Glad we could switch it up with someone from the Big 10.

Only difference is we give our players houses, while Buckeyes only receive tattoos.

Speaking of Brent Pry, him and Clay Helton are former colleagues. Hopefully, he doesn’t know too much about Helton’s coaching style, but given that Clay has learned so much in just one year at USC, I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

Penn State Quarterback or X-Games Gold Medalist in Moto X Freestyle?

Both have had similar playing styles, as well as similar statistical season. Bear in mind, McSorely was given a two game head start. With Trace’s presence in the pocket, hopefully some of those “exotic pressures” will make him feel very Mc-SORE-ly after playing four quarters against the Trojans.

The biggest issue for the Trojans will be running back Saquon Barkley, who racked up over 1300 yards, and 15 TDs. The Trojans will have to load the box to prevent Barkley from breaking out any big runs. But with McSorely’s arm, this might make things difficult for our secondary. This is one of the more complete offenses we’ve faced in a while. That is both a compliment to Penn State, and an insult to UCLA and Notre Dame.

Prediction

I am going to be honest with you: I did not watch much Big 10 football this year, so I can’t really gauge the opponent and give the proper Xs and Os. Apologies, but their games have ridiculously early start times and are on the oddest of channels. I would have had a chance to watch them play Michigan State if the bar I was at realized it needed to pay for the Big 10 Network.

Nonetheless, while this team is extremely talented and has had a tremendous season, we are better. We just are. We are playing the best football we have in years. The break could allow for a little complacency, but given that after almost a full decade we are playing in a bowl game that means something, our team will be ready to play. It will be the last for a lot of our stars, and the guys in the trenches that make them shine. Let’s grab the rose by the thorns, and finally cement what we’ve been trying to show all year: USC IS BACK!

USC 38 — Penn State 24 (Just like in 2009)