So, one day, you decide to amuse yourself by cursing into a microphone for two minutes and uploading it to YouTube. A year later, you're on the phone with a reporter talking about how you offended an entire nation, and will possibly be charged for inciting violence.

Let's rewind for a moment.

A surprising number of people don't understand the concept of "satire." Remember when the New Yorker ran a cover in 2008 featuring a ridiculous sketch of Obama dressed in Muslim robes while burning the American flag in the fireplace? It stirred up a storm of controversy even though the article inside the magazine exhaustively outlined all the reasons Obama is the exact opposite of what this image portrays. It was clearly satire. It didn't matter.

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So, last year I made a short YouTube video for Australia Day. That's my nation's Fourth of July, in January, and people get a little excessively patriotic. As January 26 rolls around, you begin to see cars on the road with little Australian flags poking out the windows like a diplomatic cavalcade. In what is usually a pretty tolerant and multicultural nation, this is one day of the year when folks start casting suspicious and slightly disapproving glances toward brown people.

Anti-immigrant slogans like "We grew here, you flew here," and the somewhat more direct "Fuck off we're full" begin to make the rounds. Understand, it's the minority of people, and Australia does not hold the patent on racism. But when you combine this with a cocktail of youth, alcohol and barbecue, you inevitably wind up with our notorious annual riots. Parts of the country just explode in a shower of beer, singlets and thongs. And by thongs, I mean flip-flops, not sexy undergarments. That would be a whole different kind of riot.



"She's got a nice ass, but I don't know that I'd riot over it."

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Last year, the day before Australia Day, someone who is familiar with my amazing comedy prowess asked me if I could do something funny for the holiday. Too tired to actually do anything intelligent or original, I yelled into my microphone for two minutes with a broadened accent. After half an hour surfing Google Images, my comedy duty was half-assedly complete. This video was the result:

GLOSSARY FOR OUR NON-AUSTRALIAN READERS:

Poof/poofter: A homosexual or effeminate male.

VB: Victoria Bitter, a widely derided Australian beer. Compare with Milwaukee's Best.