Ebirah, Horror of the Deep. I’ll be honest, I’m getting thin on things to say at the beginning of these reviews. I haven’t seen the movie yet, and I don’t want to spoil myself on who’s in the movie, or what happens, so I don’t want to look into it too much.

Okay, now I’ve seen the movie! So I can talk about it! This one is not directed by Ishiro Honda like the others, instead it’s helmed by Jun Fukuda, which probably explains its interesting camera-work. Of course, my boy Akihiko Hirata is back, and you won’t believe what he’s wearing. Also returning is Akira Takarada, who played Ogata in the original movie, and astronaut Fuji in Invasion of Astro-Monster, which I must have missed last time. Also from that movie was Ms. Namikawa, played by Kumi Mizuno, who shows up in this one, as well. These movies recycle actors more than American Horror Story does! Without further ado, let’s get into it…

The Recap

Two months after a giant crab attacks a boat (and how many times have we seen this story, amiright?), the mother of one of its crew members goes to visit a psychic (?) as to the whereabouts of said crew members. Tale as old as time, I tell ya... Anyway, she's told that he's not in the land of the dead, so he's either in eternal purgatory, or still alive! Yay! From this, the movie decides to cut to a Grease-style dance scene, where everyone is competing for a new sailboat or something? That's of particular interest to a dude who we later learn is named Ryota, and he asks two random party-goers how he can get the boat. I'm not sure if the two guys he speaks to (Ichino and Nita) are supposed to be friends of his, or if they're just drunk and friendly, but they tell him that, while it's too late for him to sign up, they can drive him over to where the sailboat is docked. Ryota (obviously) jumps onboard to steal it, and Ichino and Nita follow along. The boat has all the necessities: tons of food, clothes, and an angry dude with a gun! The owner of the boat, Yoshimura, is angry that they're invading his apparent home, but, for some goddamn reason, decides to allow them to sleep there on the boat for the night. Obviously, when they wake up the next morning, Ryota has set sail, taking the three of the other men with him. He also stole Yoshi's gun and broke it, claiming that he "thought it was a toy". Now, Ryota looks to be a younger dude, but he looks just a little bit older than 6, so I'm not sure why Yoshi bought it.

So then there's this montage of them sailing. A report on the radio informs us that there was recently a bank robbery, where million Yen was stolen. Yoshi acts shady, prompting Ichino and Nita to suspect that he is the thief. This is a plot line that impacts exactly zero things throughout this movie, but refuses to die, so, get ready for that. Also during this time, Ryota reveals that he is the brother of the missing crew member that his mother (?) was asking about in the beginning, and that he stole the boat to go and find him. Also, Yoshi is making a skeleton key. Because he can do that. Because he's a bank robber.

Eventually, the ship finds some strange clouds, and gets attacked by a GIANT CLAW! The ship is destroyed, and the crew wakes up on a mysterious island. Yoshi's case washes up, but he throws it away, claiming that its contents won't help them here. Because it's 4 million Yen. Because he's a bank robber. They think they're alone at first, until they come up on a military base, where a group of people are being overlooked by DR. SERIZAWA HIMSELF, somehow even more eye-patched than the original!