1. General

Like any self-respecting Baby Boomer, Australian parliament will have 2 houses; the Senate and the House of Reps. These will be run by the Queen.

Since the Queen is busy christening ships, and spanking Harry for dressing as a Nazi, we will appoint a Governor General.

The GG's salary is in here, but let’s not get bogged down in the details or we'll be here for fucking ages.

2. Senate

So that no one misses out on the parade of former league players, climate deniers, and racist fish and chip shop owners, every State gets to elect 12 people to the shitshow that is the Senate. Except those fucking territories, they can have 2.

Then there's about 30 paragraphs explaining how to elect the fuckers, without one single mention of a sausage sizzle.

3. House of Reps

Aside from being the best named gym in the country, the House of Reps is also an elected group of ill-fitting suits who get paid to speak at school assemblies, smile in photos and pretend to care about our shitty little lives, all while writing it off as a tax exemption.

There’s some fairly complex year 9 algebra here to decide just how many white men we should get to make decisions for us, but in the end we agree that if you want to run, you should be male (yes, we say 'he'), and must be at least 21 years old (*cough* Wyatt Roy *cough*) and have been under UK law for at least 5 years, or watched the equivalent in seasons of The Bill.

4. House Rules

This bit has had a bit of a workout recently; but basically, you can't be elected if:

You pledge allegiance to a foreign power. Make sweet coin from the Government already. You spun up Bankrupt on Wheel of Fortune, and did not become carry-over champ You have committed treason (makes sense). You have committed a serious crime.

But, let’s face it, you can’t always get what you want.

5. The Powers of Parliament

If you read one section of the Constitution, make it this one. It’s a riveting list of the 39 powers of the Parliament. Highlights include:

It dedicates about 10% of the list to railways.

It literally mentions that Parliament can make laws about buoys. Why wouldn't anyone want to read this fucking thing?

Marriage gets a mention here too, so if Parliament wanted to make marriage equality a thing, y'know like Canada, the US, Ireland or that old colony of ours, New Zealand... they could.

Then we wrap it up with old mate Malcolm’s fav bit; that if the Senate and House of Reps don't agree on something for fucking ages, we can get a double dissolution election - which definitely won't come back to bite the Government in the arse #2016.