I Secretly Wanted A CS. Did we have a choice?

Preventing a CS. Was it possible?

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It was my first time I was going to be operated upon in my entire life and that made me even more scared. Having a CS in Cameroon is not something new but society still believes that VB is the best because it is less risky and it's also seen as the 'normal' way to give birth. This has created some fear around being operated upon that most pregnant women in my country resist having a CS and make it a serious prayer point from the moment they conceive until they give birth.One of the main reasons I didn't want a CS was that it was more costly than VB and also I was just scared of the process since it was my very first time to be operated upon. I didn't know what to expect or how it was going to turn out. On the other hand, when I imagined the pain of VB described by other women, humm, I was also afraid. Despite all of this panic, one way or the other, the baby had to come out of my belly.We decided to have our baby in another hospital - not in the one where I did my antenatal checkups. I decided to have the baby at a district hospital instead of the private clinic where I was having my antenatal visits. After informing my doctor at the private clinic about my decision, she told me there was absolutely no problem and that she will only advise that I do my last checkups there so that they can know everything about my pregnancy before I give birth. So that they are more versed with my pregnancy journey by the time I give birth.During my first visit to the new hospital, I went to the maternity section and I was directed to see a gynaecologist. My previous doctor was a general doctor and this was my first time to consult a gynaecologist. He told me after looking at the last echography and examining me that I may likely have the baby by CS. I was shocked obviously as I wasn't expecting to hear this. He told me that he thinks the baby is big and my passage could be small for the baby.My former doctor had mentioned this after seeing the size of my belly and asked me to do the last echography. But the size of the baby as shown by the echography wasn't big and she was surprised because she thought the baby was bigger. I guess my very big belly gave the impression that the baby was big. The echography showed my baby was about 3kg and that wasn't big to the surprise of the doctors. But my new doctor kept saying my passage is small for the baby.I remember during the last echography, I asked how I could know that the baby is too big and I was told that it all depends on the passage of the mother. If the mother's passage is smaller than the baby, the baby will not be able to pass by VB.By the time I changed hospitals I was already 38 weeks pregnant. My gynaecologists told me I should have given birth by now because the baby is mature already. My due date was just two weeks away. So he told me that if I haven't given birth two days to the due date they will try inducing labour. Though he wasn't sure that the baby will pass, he wanted us to try VB. And there was still a possibility of a CS in case it didn't work. He told me he is just informing me to get my mind (and finance, lol) prepared so that it should not come as a shock later on.When I left the hospital that day, on my way home (the hospital wasn't far from home so I could walk the distance) I was faced with the reality of the pain to come with childbirth. I kept asking myself which one I prefer. Yes, I was scared of having my belly being opened up but I also feared the pain women describe for VB. Deep in my heart, I prefer a CS to escape the pain of VB but feared that I could die during the CS (yes, really I was scared).This news from the doctor made us worried obviously. Having a CS is not bad at all. It's as good as having VB but we were trying to avoid a CS because of its cost and the fear of being operated upon.At the time, my grandma had come over so that she could help me out when the baby comes. She came a week before I gave birth. Together we decided to take walks in order to induce labour.By this time, the baby wasn't descending to the bottom of my belly. It stayed in the middle, around my navel. This made my belly so pointed and one-sided. During the walks, the baby will go down to the bottom but after the walk, it will go back up to my navel.We walked for the next week every day. Sometimes morning and evening. But the same thing happened each time. When I went back to see my gynaecologist who is also an obstetrician, he gave me an appointment for labour to be induced in two days. I did some more walking before that appointment and prayed for labour to come naturally before we got there but it didn't.When we got to the hospital, it was in the evening. That night, I was given my first dose of labour inducing medicine. I felt just a little pain like when I am about to have my period. In the morning, I was given the second dose and right after that my doctor came to check me. The baby had gone up and the bottom of my belly was flat when I lay down. At the sight of this, he asked that the second dose of medicine that I had been given be removed and I should be prepared for a CS.That was it. I was going to have a CS. It felt weird thinking about it. Then I thought, I was also going to be a mom. It felt weird and good at the same time. I had waited for this moment where I will be having my own baby for such a long time! I had never felt ready in the past, neither was I at that time but I knew the time was right. I had told myself that I was going to have a baby at the age of thirty no matter the circumstance of my life. And in a few minutes, I will become a mom as I dreamt.Fast forward back to reality, I was prepared for surgery. I had to prep talk myself to believe I will come out alive and there will be no complications. I made a prayer to God Almighty and got in the theatre. I had opted for a halfway anaesthesia but during the operation, I felt pain while they opened me up. So I started complaining and fear took over my body and I then I was administered full-body anaesthesia. I slept off.I woke up in the ward. Recovering from anaesthesia is like playing the game Super Mario. I felt like I was climbing stairs and each stage brought me closer to the light. When I opened my eyes I wanted to identify where I was and if my baby was alive. In the course of me asking where I was, I heard her cry. I told my grandma that the baby was crying and she said yes then I slept off. The next time I woke up, I was fully recovered.It felt weird seeing my baby for the first time, trying to find the mom instincts in me and trying to see what feelings have changed or developed in me since I am now a mother. It even felt weirder seeing her father carry her for the first time. We were parents for the first time! It felt weird in a good way. And what was amazing was the fact that she looked like me from birth. No mistakes, that was my daughter. I would have loved to see her face the moment she came out of my tummy (that's why I opted for the partial anaesthesia) but it wasn't possible.Three days after putting to bed, while still at the hospital (we had to stay at least five days) I received a reminder for an event I registered on my google calendar more than a year ago. I was amazed at what it said. It read 'Have a baby by now or be pregnant already'. I had written this some time ago when I was writing my goals for the next five years. At that moment, I had just celebrated my 30th birthday five days ago, my daughter was born two days after my birthday and I received this reminder three days after her birth. It felt so amazing! My dream came true at the moment I wanted and expected it. It made me believe more about writing down your goals, speaking things into existence and believing it will happen.I never calculated that my daughter's birthday and mine will be only two days apart. Never! But it did happen that she waited for me to turn thirty before she came. It really amazes me and makes me very happy at the same time.As I write this blog, she just turned seven months old and trust me those motherly instincts and feeling I was looking for in me are active and are so full in me. Motherhood has its ups and downs but it is amazing! My life has definitely changed and adapting to the new life of motherhood has taught me a lot.Wow, I didn't expect to write this much. If you are reading this that means you read till the end. Thank you for reading my delivery story. Thanks for reading my blog. If you had a CS and want to share your experience please share it in the comment section. I and others too will love to read.Thanks, and I'll see you in my next one.Ngumabi.