In the most cringe-worthy story of the week, a British hipster who describes himself as a “hopeless, sarcastic romantic” (whatever that means) has actually attempted to crowdfund love.

For himself.

Tom Packer, a bartender and ‘occasional writer’ from Norwich, is using the crowdsourcing site Indiegogo to try and raise enough money for 13 dates – and they’re not cheap.

The 26-year-old, who claims to “adore dating,” considers “£ 100 a fair enough average,” for a “personal date.”

“I like the personal touch,” he says.

“I like making it an event, something to get nervous and butterfly [sic] and excited about.”

Indeed. Tom claims to have had his “fair share of right swipes,” and says he once hit the streets of London with mistletoe attached to his head “in an attempt to find a special someone.”

Incredibly, that didn’t work, so Tom has turned to the internet to test out the allegedly-popular theory that it takes thirteen dates to find love.

Presumably this means that he needs to raise at least $2430, unless of course Indiegogo users shoot for the deluxe deal that Tom is offering; while 100 quid will get you a “guaranteed date” with this over-inked, bearded hack, paying five times that amount will get you a date and a poem.

Here is a sample of some of the quality work the lucky, presumably stupidly rich, lady can expect:

“Stronger than any deity, more changeable than the tides

“I’d give my honour, my dignity, my sanity

“For a life in which love resides.”

Frighteningly, Tom has already raised $425.



