Right-wing Rabbi Daniel Lapin, who said on a recent podcast that marrying for money is better than marrying for love, is back with more of his awful advice.

It came in response to a question from one of his readers who wanted to know what to do about her daughter who just came out as a lesbian. (“She has always been heterosexual.”)

The correct answer would be: Nothing. It’s not about you. Deal with it. Learn more. Get over yourself. Something like that.

Lapin (and his wife Susan) got close… at first. They urged the woman “not to overreact.” They told her not to wreck their relationship. (Good start!)

Then it got worse.

We want to let you know that Biblically speaking, women with women is in no way comparable to men with men. Lesbianism today is presented as simply an alternative choice, but very often women “discover” this predilection in themselves after having been badly hurt by life, often in situations involving a man or men. Your daughter may very well be seeking love, companionship and affection in a society that confuses that, and much else, with sex. You are absolutely justified in feeling that this may be a poor choice and one that goes against your beliefs and values, but at the same time you are most likely facing a wounded child.

This is news to me: Apparently, most women become lesbians after the men in their lives hurt them. (Who knew?! Not lesbians, I assure you.)

But let’s back up — what is this whole thing about how the Bible says being a lesbian is “in no way comparable” to being a gay man because that’s waaaaaaay worse? When did Jesus ever say that one? A commenter raised that very question and Lapin responded to her.

You know you want to hear this. (Warning: It gets strangely graphic.)

… The simple and direct answer is that the Bible repeatedly and explicitly prohibits a man from inserting his reproductive organ into the cavity of another man’s body. It could hardly be any clearer. However nowhere in the Hebrew Bible (and I presume in the NT neither) is there any prohibition of one woman tickling another. … There is also an important difference between the cavity in a woman’s body into which her husband inserts his reproductive organ and the cavity of a man’s body employed in sodomy. (If you don’t mind us using an old fashioned word for a very old fashioned sin). The difference is that the former is the passageway of life. Not for nothing is it often called the birth canal. The latter however is the passageway of death. It is the passageway through which the body on a daily basis excretes its dead cells and its dead waste from which all nourishment has been completely extracted. … Since the male organ is not just about pleasurable sensation but it also makes human life possible, where it goes and what it does becomes supremely important. For an organ of such Godly creativity to be in a place of death and waste is ugly and incompatible with a Biblical blueprint of life.

To translate the Christianese, men having anal sex with another man is wrong, but missionary sex with a woman is What Jesus Wants to Watch. Therefore, being a male homosexual is clearly worse than being a lesbian. Because lesbians are just “tickling” each other.

Even though straight couples have anal sex, and women have sex toys, and oh my god why do I have to explain this to him…

Never ask a religious leader for sex advice when they live in a fantasy world where only one kind of sex is acceptable and everyone must choose it or else.

(Screenshot via YouTube. Thanks to Kyle for the link)

