I missed my deadline for this article. This was supposed to be published Friday but I sent it late because I was staring at my ceiling. For hours. Without moving, eating or sleeping.

I suffer from depression– along with Kid Cudi and a number of Black Americans. We struggle to be happy, sometimes we lose the will to go on, but we’ve been told that mental illness is a white thing. Our people survived slavery, segregation and more abuse than most people throughout history so we can overcome anything. If you’re sad, it’s because you want to be. Because you’re ungrateful. They tell to suck it up or “pray harder.”

Well, the truth is suicide is the third leading cause of death among black males between the ages of 15 and 24. And a number of those suffering from mental health issues are criminalized. So, mental illness is officially a black thing.

When I was twelve, I had suicidal thoughts for the first time but I didn’t seek help because I didn’t want to disappoint my parents.

According to the American Psychiatric Association, 1 in 4 adults will suffer from a mental illness. However, the black community is even more vulnerable than their white counterparts. It is proven that severe trauma, stress or poor living conditions increase the likelihood of a mental illness developing or being exacerbated. And since black Americans are, unfortunately, disproportionaltely more likely to live in the socioeconomic environments that can trigger mental illness, especially violence, they’re more likely to develop these illnesses.

According to the US HHS Office of Minority Health,

● Black adults are 20% more likely to report serious psychological distress than adult whites (that doesn’t mean they’re reporting their illness but that theyre reporting conditions in their environments that are mentally and emotionally taxing)

● Black adults living in poverty are three times more likely to report serious psychological distress than those living above the poverty line

● There has been a 233 percent increase in the suicide rate among young black teenagers

● Exposure to violence increases the risk of developing a mental illness such as depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder. Black children are exposed to more violence than other children.

Yet, according to Darci Lane-Williams, Director of the Center of Women and Gender, we should think of mental illness as similar to physical ailments.

“When we think about physical health, if we were to break our leg we’re not going to think twice about going to get our leg mended and cast,” she said. “But mental health concerns have a stigma around it.”

When I was twelve, I had suicidal thoughts for the first time but I didn’t seek help because I didn’t want to disappoint my parents. One day, when I was helping my dad unpack furniture I took an extra box cutter knife and hid it under my mattress. For years, I would stay up at night thinking about using that knife on myself. During that rough patch, I could’ve killed myself while my parents were sleeping, unaware, only mere feet across the hall.

That’s the true danger of mental illness.

“It’s been difficult for me to find the words to what I’m about to share with you because I feel ashamed,” Kid Cudi wrote in his Facebook post before he checked himself into rehab for suicidal urges.

Shame is the ultimate deterrent for people seeking help for their mental health. The stigma surrounding mental illness is why many victims in the black community suffer in silence. Tropes such as the “strong black women” or “men don’t cry” are the most harmful- especially among young black males who have been socialized not to talk about feelings and instead lash out, harming themselves or others. Anger is indeed a secondary emotion that is often a red flag for emotional distress.

You can’t wish upon a star and hope your mental illness goes away. It is a life-threatening disease that will need to be managed for the rest of their life.

Of course, poverty and trauma contribute heavily to mental illness but is not the sole cause. Many suffer from clinical depression, which is to persistently be depressed or have lack of interest in activities. Either way, when the sick do not have adequate healthcare or support from the community the consequences are grave. Police have fewer resources and often poorly interact with mentally ill citizens.

Yet, it’s arguably not all bad. Mental illness has brought both great pain and great beauty into the world. For decades, psychologists have been fascinated with the peculiar correlation between mental illness and creativity, particularly with bipolar disorder, episodes of mood swings ranging from manic to depressive, and schizotypy, a theory stating there’s a continuum of personality traits ranging from dissociative, imaginative and extreme psychosis.

In fact, writers are 121% more likely to suffer from bipolar disorder. Many comedians such as Jim Carrey and Dave Chappelle suffer from major depression. Geniuses like Nikola Tesla and Vincent van Gogh were extremely mentally ill. Probably some of your favorite songs were written from sadness and pain.

My outlet for depression is art as well. Every time I wanted to retrieve that boxcutter from under my mattress I took out a pad and pencil and would write poems, stories and sketch until the feeling went away. Eventually, I gained the confidence to be honest with myself and, from there, to my family. Just like with Kid Cudi, it took everyone by surprise.

When you open up, some may respond positively such as with the #YouGoodMan where thousands provided love and support for Kid Cudi’s recovery. Others may dismiss your feelings and contribute to the stigma (ahem Drake). At the end of the day, though, it’s all about what’s best for you.

First step: seek help and a diagnosis. Secondly, learn everything you can about your mental illness and how it affects you specifically. Lastly, start a treatment plan that works for you. This last step is very important because for some, medication is not the answer. Treatment could be as simple as changing your diet, exercising more or sleeping better, or even moving to a place with sunnier weather. The black community needs to become an instrument of change by contributing to the ending of the the stigma supporting loved ones suffering from mental illness.

“My anxiety and depression have ruled my life for as long as I can remember and I never leave the house because of it. I can’t make new friends because of it. I don’t trust anyone because of it and I’m tired of being held back in my life. I deserve to have peace. I deserve to be happy and smiling,” Kid Cudi wrote.

Give yourself permission to be happy and ask for help.