PEABODY, MA—Having discovered the social media website open on his father’s unattended laptop, local 6-year-old Oliver Sherman stated “We must protect the pure Aryan bloodline” Friday after nine minutes of Facebook access without supervision. “There’s a white genocide going on in this country, and no one wants you to know about it,” the kindergartener reportedly announced to his parents unprompted after clicking through a grand total of five links on an open Facebook browser tab before going on to convey his newly formed belief that a tide of Mexican rapists and inferior races was flooding into the country to subvert the proud lineage of the Caucuses through miscegenation and deceit. “I’m not saying Hitler got it all right, but I know what I know, goddammit, and if we keep falling for the false-flag operations of the international Jewry like September 11, the proud white race as we know it is doomed.” At press time, Sherman had donned a makeshift Grand Dragon’s hood crafted from his Paw Patrol bed sheet and was heading toward the front door after watching a Facebook Live video for seven additional seconds.

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