A social worker and former Hamilton Spectator columnist has admitted to emotionally and verbally abusing clients and using his position to harass or exploit them, according to a recent decision by the Ontario College of Social Workers and Social Service Workers disciplinary committee.

Longtime parenting and relationship columnist Gary Direnfeld served a two-month suspension, received a $5,000 fine and must complete courses on ethics and mindfulness after a disciplinary committee found he committed professional misconduct.

Direnfeld wrote 650 advice columns over 13 years on family dynamics, marriage and parenting. The Spectator discontinued his column after the disciplinary hearing in June.

The decision released this month includes two agreed statements of facts relating to five sets of allegations ranging from 2011 to 2015 while Direnfeld had a private practice in Dundas.

In one case, Direnfeld told parents during mediation that their five-year-old daughter “was almost certain to die by suicide by the age of 16” because of the conflict in her parents’ relationship.

“If [Direnfeld] were to testify, he would state that he did not intend to suggest that [the child] was going to die by suicide, but that if the conflict in [the parents’] relationship continued, she was at a risk of death by suicide,” the decision reads.

During mediation, one of the parents in that case indicated he was under “significant stress and pressure, both financially and in his personal life.” The agreed statement of facts notes that: “For reasons unknown, [he] subsequently died by suicide” the next day.

Reached by phone Monday, Direnfeld said the cases included in the disciplinary hearing decision arose while working with “high conflict separated parents” who “can be very challenging to work with.”

“In the course of my work with them, I overstepped my boundaries,” he said. “The discipline hearing was to hold me accountable for those overstepped boundaries.”

He said he continues to learn from the disciplinary process.

“Some of these experiences can be challenging to come through, but at the end, we want it to help make a social worker a better practitioner,” he said. “At the end of the day, that’s what I hope to be, and I hope that this works well as well for the folks that I serve.”

Other cases in the agreed statements of fact include:

Telling a parent upset about not seeing their child as much as they would like that “generally speaking, men do not have the same bond with a child that a mother has, because the mother is the one who carries the child for nine months and breastfeeds the child”;

Telling a parent his 10- and 12-year-old daughters were at “great risk” of promiscuity because they would realize they can get attention they are missing from their parents “with their breasts and vaginas”;

Using “inappropriate and insulting language” when speaking with clients;

Controlling the conversation “significantly” and speaking “at length” about his own experience and accomplishments;

Speaking to a parent “condescendingly,” raising his voice at her, cutting her off, and stopping her from presenting her views, as well as requiring her to leave in the middle of a session;

Having clients sign forms agreeing to “waive any and all rights to address any issue” against him “through any court or any other process not here specifically contemplated” and agreeing to pay “any and all costs related to [his] defence” if a claim was brought against him after already being cautioned by the college against doing so.

Direnfeld’s counsel pointed out the complaints involved “high conflict custody and access disputes, or marital separation,” the decision reads.

“It is a challenging area of practice and [his] role was not a traditional social work role (such as acting as a therapist or counsellor), but rather the role of mediator, arbitrator or assessor,” it goes on to say. “There can be challenges and confusion as to [his] role as a social worker when he is serving as parenting co-ordinator, consultant, arbitrator or mediator.”

According to the decision, Direnfeld does not have a prior history before the college’s disciplinary committee.

Direnfeld’s suspension finished at the end of August.

His practice is now based in Keswick, where he said he has been transitioning it to for the last seven years.

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Where to get help:

If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide, help is out there.

Distress and Crisis Ontario

Online: dcontario.org

Your Life Counts

Online: yourlifecounts.org/find-help/ (enter: Canada/Ontario)

ConnexOntario

For all ages

Phone: 1-866-531-2600

Good2Talk

A post-secondary student helpline

Phone: 1-866-925-5454

Kids Help Phone

A general counselling line

Phone: 1-800-668-6868