El Paso, TX—

White supremacists have been up to some weird shit lately—like throwing milk-drinking parties to celebrate the alleged purity of the white race, and dressing up in Donald Trump golfing outfits—but the latest Alt-Right trend spreading in neo-Nazi groups is an activity they call “seed collecting.”

The hobby involves collecting semen deposits in glass mason jars that they preserve, typically in their refrigerators, in order to collect and protect an emergency fund of caucasian sperm that can be utilized to repopulate the Earth with white people in case their absurd fears of white genocide are ever realized.

Different white supremacist groups have different practices, but they all have the same goal. Some groups “collect seeds” individually and organize competitions to see who can fill up their mason jars the fastest, while other groups prefer to collect seeds together as a team-bonding activity.

Because the kind of people who are drawn to white supremacy are typically drawn to misogyny as well, Alt-Righters don’t exactly have access to sexual intercourse with women, and the mason jars are filling up much faster than the neo-Nazis anticipated. The local white supremacy group based in El Paso has only 26 members, but bragged in a Facebook post that they filled up ten mason jars in just two weeks.

Once a jar is totally full, the neo-Nazis mail it to white supremacist Richard Spencer’s house, but they are very secretive about what Mr. Spencer is doing with so many jars of semen.

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(Photo courtesy of Michelle Carl [sorry for defiling your picture, Michelle.])

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