The New York Times ran a piece today called "Abolish Billionaires." Because not enough of them pledge to give away most of their wealth to charity.

Now they don't say how much the rich actually give away, or all the people they’ve hired, the benefits they offer, the taxes they pay. They also don't mention that a Times principal stockholder is worth $60 billion – but who’s counting, right?

There are only 2,000 billionaires worldwide. So you know it’s not really about them. It’s about, as always, the evil system.

This ban is about the power to say who gets abolished, and who's invited to the abolition party.

It’s driven by man's worst flaw: envy.

Fact is, our system rules. As capitalism spreads, worldwide poverty declines, disease drops and Seth Meyers stays employed.

No more smallpox, no more starvation. If this continues, the rich will only have other rich people to give money to.

And it’s not inequality that defines the system – it’s mobility.

The same person in the top 10 percent wasn't there 10 years ago, and may not be there in 10 years. Opportunity is defined not by inequality between me and you – but between you now and you later.

One exception: the Sulzbergers. The Times owners, they were super rich decades ago, and they'll stay that way decades from now – tricking readers into thinking they care about the poor.

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Finally, the author whines about how technology creates immense wealth for its inventors. Yet the average 20-year-old has more power in his smartphone than Howard Hughes had at the height of his empire.

We work less because technology works more. For that you can thank the rich before you hang them in the town square.

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Adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s monologue on “The Five” on Feb. 7, 2019.