Woman have a lot to deal with in society, today I want to shed some light on just one topic that drives me nuts: sex and ones own sexuality. Woman just cannot win, no matter how we deal with sex and our own sexuality. In today’s society it’s bad if you’re a virgin (you’re not wanted), it’s bad to only give it up now and again (you’re a prude), and don’t you dare give it up too often (you slut!). Good luck attempting to find a middle road, where you’re just sexual enough to please the masses. A woman’s sexuality and sexual history should not be something that is talked about and discussed among everyone, yet somehow it seems to be common knowledge. Dating is an interesting adventure as it is, now throw in some preconceived notions about your sexuality (whether true or not), and you’re practically walking on egg shells meeting a new sexual partner.

One thing that goes hand in hand with sex and sexuality for woman is porn and personal play toys. There are whole stores that explicitly sell these items and cater to ones sexual needs; I’m sure you’ve seen them in passing. Although these stores cater to men and woman alike, woman have a much different experience in them than men. If a man is seen exiting an adult story, most would not bat an eye. Hey, it’s just a man satisfying his primal needs. Now, if a woman is seen exiting such an establishment she is immediately deemed an oversexualized slut. It is even worse on the inside, she is seen as a sex object herself, something that most any male patron would love to bring home with him. Why is it a “primal need” when referring to men, yet for woman it close to taboo.

Diving further into the topic of porn, have you looked at any recently? Well, if you haven’t let me clue you in a bit. The majority of it is made for heterosexual or homosexual men, not woman. There is lesbian porn (aimed at straight men), gay and bisexual porn (aimed at gay and bi sexual men), and then there is heterosexual porn (STILL aimed at straight men). You may ask, if it heterosexual porn how can it be aimed at men, isn’t it still a man and a woman? Yes, it is a man and a woman on screen but the angles, story-lines, closeups, and words are aimed at the pleasure of men. Listen up, woman enjoy porn too! We’d probably be more inclined to watch it if it pleased our senses as well. No wonder 50 Shades of Grey blew up as it did, it pleased us!!

I’ll let you in on a little secret, I write smut. Sexually erotic literature. I can explore any fantasy I (or anyone else) could have in the safety of my writing. If you stumbled across one of the stories I write, you’d believe I was a dirty, slutty, horrible woman and that I most certainly have “daddy issues”. I don’t. Trust me. I just know what I enjoy, along with what others enjoy, and I like having it play out in my head before putting it to paper. Don’t tell me you don’t have a sexual fantasy as well. I’ve asked lots of friends, and everyone has at least one fantasy that they wouldn’t want exposed to the general public. Why is okay for you to have a fantasy (and enjoy that fantasy yourself) but if I write it down it suddenly becomes “taboo”? A little backwards huh?

Now, I promise you I would not put “erotic literature writer” on any resume. My point is that it shouldn’t be seen as taboo though. I shouldn’t feel that as a woman I need to tame my sexuality down to a level that would appease you, when you, as a man, are allowed to satisfy you’re “primal needs.” We need to stop and think about gender equality when it involves sex.

Woman have enough to deal with in society, let’s make it a bit easier and not criticize them for satisfying their own “primal needs.”