If you’ve never wasted hours of your life digging through cheap stock photos of children, you’re luckier than I am completely missing out.

When you write a blog post, you need a photo. I’m a fairly decent photographer with tens of thousands of photos, so for most articles I simply use an image of my own. Occasionally, however, I need a specific image. That’s when I’m damned to the stock photo sites. And what a treasure trove those sites are. I’ve decided that from now on, if I’m stuck on a subject to write about, I’m just going to search for an image first, then write the article. Starting with these ideas below. The New York Times should follow my lead.

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Appropriate for post titled “Screen free potty training: A how-to”

Novelty glasses= height of stock photo comedy.

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This gives me flashbacks of third grade when a gaggle of heathens decided to perfect the skill of drooling as long a strand as possible before slurping it back into their cave-boy mouths. Kids are disgusting.

Appropriate for post titled “Racoons Don’t Like Hugs” or maybe just “Cujo”

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Appropriate for post titled “I put him down for a nap and came back to a nightmare.”

Listen, I know changing diapers is no easy task, but there’s no excuse for this.

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Appropriate for post titled “How to avoid raising a serial killer”

Buffalo Bill’s childhood was as traumatic as one could imagine.

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Appropriate for post titled “Grocery shopping on a budget”

Look! A cart as useless as one of those insufferable truck carts. You know, the ones with no turning radius that are designed to completely wipe out towering displays of produce while your shrieking child swipes everything within reach off the shelves?

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Appropriate for post titled “Vacuum Packed Boy”

Sometimes the actual image title gives you all the inspiration you need.

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Appropriate for post titled “I had Rick Moranis’ love child”

See? What if that kid’s face was just totally naked? HUMORLESS. Also, as I said – novelty glasses= height of stock photo comedy.

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Appropriate for post titled “WTF WTF WTF”

Someone thought this up, staged it, and photographed it. And then put it on the internet for sale.