Nancy Salamone was a successful Wall Street executive whose husband beat her behind the closed doors of their New York apartment for years.

Although she was in charge of $20 million marketing department budget and earning $85,000 a year, she was living on a $60 a week allowance doled out by her husband, to whom she handed over her paycheque.

Married at 19, she endured 20 years of physical, emotional and sexual abuse before leaving her marriage, because she was afraid she couldn’t cope financially on her own.

Only when she turned her business skills to her personal life was Salamone able to break free, she says in an interview to publicize her book, Victory Over Violence, Nancy’s Story and The Business of Me.

Just last week, domestic abuse became a major talking point in Belleville, Ont., when police Chief Cory McMullan announced she had been the victim of a domestic assault the week prior — a stark reminder that anyone can be a victim.

Now 57, Salamone has left Wall Street to run a program, The Business of Me, which instructs abuse survivors in shelters on how to handle personal finances from credit cards to insurance and budgeting.

Salamone, who told no one of the abuse, says she is just one of millions of women who are victims of domestic abuse each year that silently suffer. Her book is an attempt to reach out to abused women, she says, to show them the way out.

It seems surprising that a woman as successful as you could be the victim of domestic abuse.

I’m every woman. In the U.S. 25 per cent of women are abused every year and 25 per cent will be abused every year. A lot of it has to do with women you would never think. It’s that woman in the office next to you or buying that coffee in the morning. It is one of the most under-reported crimes. I never reported anything.

Didn’t you ever try to tell?

Two years into my marriage I’d gone to the movies with my mom. We were standing in line and I said, ‘Mom I’m really unhappy.’ She said, ‘You made your bed and you lie in it.’ And she never said another word. I never told anyone.

Why did you put up with it?

In my book, I explain how my childhood and the idioms I was brought up with affected why I got into an abusive domestic relationship and why I stayed so long.

I was raised in the Bronx in New York City and born a Roman Catholic in a Sicilian family. At an early age, I learned about Omerta, a code of silence prevalent in Sicilian heritage. It was instilled in me at a young age. You never hang out your dirty laundry. Make your bed and lie in it. Carry your own cross. That’s what I got when I told my mom I was unhappy.

Couldn’t others suspect?

I never said a word to family or coworkers. The other thing I lived with was a lot of shame. I had two lives, one was this very successful Wall Street executive and the other behind doors abused wife. I could never tell anyone. Oh my God, what will people think of me? After many years of therapy, I know I had nothing to be ashamed of. He did, not me. I didn’t do anything wrong.

How were the assaults hidden?

My husband was very smart. I was bruised where no one could see it. I was the major wage earner. He needed me to go to work. My back would be black and blue, or my arm where I could wear a sleeve.

Did you ever fear for your life?

After I left my ex-husband, I learned he was moving out of the state, so I moved back into the apartment. The second night I was in that apartment he came in and he was in a complete rage. He came across the room, picked me and threw me up against the closet door. He threw me on the couch, his hands were around my throat and squeezing my throat. I remember thinking to myself, “Nance you’re going to die. Relax, it’ll be over soon.” I don’t know why but he suddenly stopped and ran out of the door.

What made you leave?

It wasn’t one incident. Every day was the same. I’d go to work, he’d scream and yell. There’d be physical, emotional and sexual abuse. It wasn’t one thing. I do remember the day I left. He wasn’t home. It was if I was having this out of body experience. I saw this person — me — packing a bag like a little robot. I went out the door and to my mom’s. It was Dec. 28, 1991. My mom opened the door and before she could say anything, I said, “Have I got a story for you.” No one knew.

When did it start?

When I met him I was 15 years old, he was in college. I was infatuated. He was tall, dark and handsome. He was moody, but being moody meant mysterious. I thought I could change him like I had magical powers. He would lose his temper, scream and yell at me, tell me I didn’t dress properly. He always wanted to know where I was and to spend all his time with me. As I look back, that was a way of taking me away from my friends and beginning of control.

And yet you still married him?

I met him at 15 and at 16 he had pressured me into having sex. After that time, I felt that everyone could see what I’d done and a big scarlet A on my chest. So, when he asked me to marry him, I was relieved. I wasn’t in love but I thought, “I’m okay now, he’ll marry me and validate that I’m not a bad woman.” As things just got worse, I couldn’t walk away.

How can we reduce the incidence of abuse?

Financial independence for women is important. I was a 19-year-old bride and was never taught personal money-management skills. I turned my money over to him and he gave me an allowance which I had to account for. I had a fear of my own ability to handle my own finances. It took me two years to get a divorce after I left him. We were in a meeting, talking about budgets and making decisions and I realized, “The decisions I am making here, I can make for myself.”

How does the Business of Me program work?

It takes a disparate group of women who’ve come together at a domestic violence shelter. They come from different socio-economic, ethnic and cultural backgrounds. The thing they have in common is they want to get out of the situation. This gives them the financial literacy skills they need — how to budget, understanding debt, insurance, how a lease works, how a mortgage works, how to set aside money to pay bills. Every woman who comes into our class (the program is sponsored by the shelter) receives a small notebook computer. They are taught how to use the computer with www.mint.com, a free online budgeting tool.

When should financial literacy start? If a young woman has confidence in her abilities to manage her own money, that confidence is going to also provide her with self-esteem. She’s not going to allow someone to control her. We need to start when girls are in high school.

tcrawford@thestar.ca