I know I haven’t gotten to write very much in here since we got to the US. Everything’s just been so busy…

But I guess it felt like it was finally time for an update.

It’s officially been over a month since Gigi and I got here. Crazy, right? I almost couldn’t believe it when I realized how long it’s been already… I guess I’ve had a lot of stuff to keep me busy!

I’ve really been liking it here so far. It’s just so different too, I guess. And not even different in any kind of huge, dramatic sort of way. Just a bunch of little things that feel so weird compared to back home. These little reminders that I’m so far away from everything I’m used to.

Like how everywhere has air conditioning. It’s still pretty hot and humid around here, but Gigi and I still had to start bringing sweatshirts with us when we go out to eat and stuff… it’s freezing! And it’s not like they just turn it up a little bit to help take the edge off the heat. Apparently they want every room to feel like it’s a walk-in freezer or something? I’m already looking forward to the weather finally getting a little cooler around here. And not just because everyone tells me how pretty the leaves are gonna be.

And all the smalltalk’s starting to drive me a little crazy too. Everywhere we go, people are always asking us ‘how we’re doing’… Why? These people don’t know us, so why would they care whether I’m having a great day or a shitty one? And do they even want a real answer anyway? I know they’re just trying to be nice, but it’s so weird. I miss being able to just walk into a store or go out to eat without being forced into some kind of weird conversation with a stranger.

And speaking of conversations… Well, that’s probably been the hardest part.

My English is really good, so it shouldn’t be so damn terrifying to talk to people… But it is. It’s intimidating as hell.

I have no problem understanding people when they try and talk to me. But when I have to answer, I get all awkward and tongue-tied and I get so scared about saying something wrong or my accent being weird and sounding like a total idiot.

But then if I take too long to answer, it totally backfires and they DO think I’m an idiot. And then they do that stupid thing where they talk all slow and loud like that’s gonna help. But instead, it just makes me feel even more awkward.

And Gigi tries to help… But honestly, she just makes it even worse. If I hesitate too long, she just jumps right in and talks for me. And her English isn’t any better than mine… She’s just fearless, I guess. And I really love that about her.

But I hate it when she makes me feel like an idiot.

I’m sure she doesn’t mean to though. And I know I’ll get used to it the longer we’re here.

My classes are already helping a little with that, actually. They finally started up about two weeks ago. And they’re amazing!

Going to class has kinda become my “Happy Place”, as Gigi would call it. I feel like I’m learning so much already. My professors are seriously brilliant. And so nice too. A lot more approachable than I thought they were gonna be.

I just wish my classmates were like that.

It’s probably totally stupid to feel so intimidated by them… but I do. Some of them already know each other. Some of them are way older than me. And I just feel like the weird random German kid sitting by himself at the back of the class.

Of course, I could totally sit here and psychoanalyze myself. Stuff about my self-esteem and insecurity and all that crap… But it’s not like it would do any good. I know it’s just temporary. I’ll adjust and find a routine and everything will be okay.

It’s just gonna suck a little til then. That’s all.

And it’s not like things are all bad. Like I said, my classes and professors are great. This town is so beautiful too. And I know I haven’t talked to a lot of people yet, but the ones I have talked to seem pretty nice, at least (or maybe TOO nice sometimes with all that smalltalk).

It’s just really lonely too. Even having Gigi here with me.

Last week was when it hit the hardest, I think.

It was my birthday.

And everybody did what they could to make it special. I got to Skype with Mama and Dev and the little twerp for a while. Papa and Rubi sent me this big care package with all my favorite snacks from home.

Tam and Jasper got me a gift card for a few new games, and me and Tam got to play a little co-op Space Dementia online together too. Jasper even hopped on to join us for a little bit once he finished studying.

It was nice.

And Gigi did what she could too. It was really cute. She tried so hard to make it special for me.

She woke me up with an amazing blowjob. She took me for a picnic lunch down by the beach. She even baked me a cake.

But still… no amount of homemade cakes or birthday blowjobs could change the fact that my family wasn’t here with me. I guess it just hurt a lot more than I thought it would.

Maybe it would be easier if I had someone else to hang out with. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel so… isolated.

Like I said before, I know things are gonna get better eventually. And I’m so grateful I have Gigi here with me.

I just kinda wish I had a friend too.