Mr. Thompson and the Vicar have enlisted a few friends to fight 21st century biblical illiteracy and unchurchiness by updating the worst Christmas song ever written.

OK, so some of you, primarily the insufferable millennials, don’t get what I’m spoofing here. Click this link to get some culture.

Others, primarily the aged and feeble boomers, have asked me to post the lyrics because you sandblasted your eardrums listening to David Cassidy back in the day. So here you go:

VICAR

It’s Christmastime, and we know why we celebrate

MR. THOMPSON

‘Cuz at Christmastime, the love of Christ, it conquers hate

LUTHER

And with this word of comfort, we can know salvation’s joy

Get to church and grab your Bible. It’s Christmastime!

BART

But say a prayer. Pray for the other ones

FRANK

Those who won’t go to mass ‘cuz there is football on

PASTOR

There’s a world outside your window

PASTOR AND PATRICK

Where they’ve clearly lost their way

CALVIN AND PREACHER JEFF

Where the only book they’re reading is that 50 Shades of Grey

DONALL AND CONALL

And their children don’t know Jesus. But they sure know Pikachu

BONO

Well, tonight thank God it’s them instead of you

DONALL

Yeah, no, don’t remotely thank God for that. That’s a terrible prayer.

GROUP

And there might be snow in Michigan this Christmastime

But snow don’t rescue squat from death and sin

So when they can’t even spell

Savior or Emmanuel

Do they know what Christmas is at all?

HORUS

Do you…wait, what part is this? I don’t know this part.

Is this the bridge? No one knows the bridge to this song.

Why didn’t I get a better part?

Don’t you know who Horus is at all?

GROUP

Read the Word

Read the Word

Read the Word. Let them know what Christmas is again

Go to church. Let them know what Christmas is again

Read the Word. Let them know what Christmas is again

Go to church. Let them know what Christmas is again