Transcript:

Rat: The Sunday paper is traditionally known for its many coupons. But do you really need another cheap ham? So today we offer you coupons you can really use. "One Free Punch To The Head to any non-blind person who wears their sunglasses indoors." "One Free Pop In The Nose to anyone who thinks I care about what kind of luxury sedan they just bought." "One Free Kick To The Oompa-Loompas of the next billionaire who asks my poor city to pay for his new stadium." "One Free Wake-Up Call to the Facebook friend who posts endless photos of themselves with their boyfriend or girlfriend on Valentine's Day, New Year's Eve, or at any other enjoyable event that I did not attend. I do not like you." "An Even Bigger Wake-Up Call to the Twitter friend who keeps posting their political opinion. I muted you a long time ago." "One Free Bat To The Hand of any cartoonist who thinks it's clever or original to make himself a character in his own comic strip." Stephan: Was that last one really necessary? Rat: Hold out your hand. Pig: He has a coupon.