who you should fight: pokemon evil team leaders edition

giovanni: don’t fight giovanni. dude looks like he’s pretty built, and he’s also the closest thing the pokemon world has to a mob boss. like he’ll probably have you shot or you’ll wake up the next day with your starter’s severed head in your bed or something if he doesn’t just kick your ass normally. you don’t wanna fuck with giovanni.

archie: probably don’t fight archie either. he’s ripped as hell and he’s like evil steve irwin. dude probably wrassles sharpedos for fun when he has free time okay you don’t stand a chance. it’ll be awesome to watch tho so maybe fight archie if you like being amusing more than you dislike getting suplexed.

maxie: fight maxie. absolutely fucking fight maxie. shove that fucker in a locker. once he gets out he’ll probably tear your throat out with his bare hands and then have everyone you love thrown in mt. chimney tied to barrels of rocket fuel, but you just gotta take one for the team okay. just shove him in a locker it’ll be funny.

cyrus: do not fight cyrus. the only circumstance in which fighting cyrus isn’t an awful idea is if you are the dppt protag. like you might be able to take him but don’t do it. does that man look like he’s even in the general vicinity of fucking around to you, ever? do you honestly think that he wouldn’t plot the most horrific revenge possible against you if you beat him up? do not fight cyrus.

n: what the fuck is wrong with you? why would you fight n? like you would win but why would you want to? get the hell out of here don’t fight n. goddamn.

ghetsis: this one’s tricky. like he’s old and wears terrible inconvenient clothes that would get in the way in a fight, but he might be actually terrifying in a physical fight. he’s unpredictable and one of the most ruthless people on this list of mobsters and terrorists. get the drop on him and do not be afraid to fight dirty. whether or not you can win this one is all on you, kid.

colress: i mean you can fight colress but it’s kinda iffy whether or not you should. you’re gonna win, but he’s super not gonna care that he lost. he’d be too busy studying your fighting style or whatever. dude’s way more concerned about Science than competition. frankly i don’t think it’s worth it but that decision’s yours to make.

lysandre: fight lysandre. dude could definitely stand to get knocked down a peg. he might have some fancy royalty combat training but he probably doesn’t have much if any experience in actual fights, so you’ve definitely got a chance if you can take him down before he starts getting the hang of it. watch out, though, he might have some bullshit robotics that could help him out. also under no circumstances should you go for his face. fight him but like don’t damage works of art.