Any Old Spice man will tell you — and your woman — that he is fantastic. And he'll do it while backwards atop a horse or riding a jetski through a lady's wall. It's all brilliantly absurd. (And largely without that rampant romanticization of an ordinary man getting spurned by an attractive woman or that glorification of the unattainable guy bullshit.) Men laugh; women laugh.

Today, a new man has been added to the pantheon. Here's a list of some of the men he'll be joining:

Surfer

In a land of musical orgasm echoes.

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Father

Donning a nice navy robe.

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Bruce Campbell

On a red leather chair, with a whole stockpile of it.

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WASP-y Prick

How does this sweater-knotter not die?

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Isaiah Mustafah

Part Zoolander, part Neil deGrasse Tyson. The man who made it all work by riding a horse.

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And advising everyone, including Obama.

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And defeating Fabio.

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Ray Lewis

"Takes a lot of hard work, a pinch of luck, some body muscles, some salt" and some deer antler.

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Terry Waters

Manic muscles on manic muscles on manic muscles.

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That is, manic muscles that make music.

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Safari Gentleman

Daylighting as a coconutty drink server.

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Greg Jennings

Putting not just the team on his back.

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And now:

Animal Tamer

Both a wolf master.

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And a falconer.

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Nate Hopper Associate editor Nate Hopper is an associate editor for Esquire magazine.

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