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—Prudie

Dear Prudie,

I have a Kylie Jenner problem. I spend a lot of money on my appearance and I get a lot of work done (even though I’m not yet 30). Because I live in my body full time, I think it’s a better use of money than a sofa or a car, or even a holiday. Consequently the list of procedures fills several pages: fillers, lasers, Botox, liposuction, rhinoplasty, braces, keratin hair straightening, jaw realignment, laser hair removal, veneers, lifts, peels, Latisse, laser eye surgery, and more. The Kylie problem comes with what I should do when I’m asked about how I have such lovely (insert body part here). I’m more than happy to share my secrets! However I worry I will then be perceived as vain and frivolous. But if I lie and lead someone to believe it’s natural then I may be caught out! (Like Kylie’s lips.) I’m not offended by these questions when borne out of curiosity or a kindred desire for self-alteration. You’re going to have to trust me, but I promise I don’t look plastic. But if someone finds out I’ve spent as much money on my face as a luxury car, I don’t want them to hate me. What do I do?

—Just Like Kylie

Dear Just Like,

Because of you, I now have a Kylie Jenner problem, too. Mine is that your letter made me aware of the existence of this member of the extended Jenner/Kardashian clan and the raging controversy regarding the enhancement of this teenager’s lips. If you look like Kylie, I’m going to have to disagree with you, sight unseen, that you don’t look plastic. If you are younger than 30 you do not need Botox, lasers, a face lift (if that’s what you mean by “a lift”—but I’m hoping no doctor agreed to perform this). It’s rather odd people are asking you how you got specific body parts. That also indicates you are not as natural-looking as you think, but your body parts are no one else’s business. If you don’t care to answer the question, silence and an incredulous look (if you can make that expression) is sufficient. You have put the equivalent of a luxury car in your face—and you could end up looking like you have an actual car in your face if you do too many procedures. Watch Botched for examples of how this can happen. I think you should take a cosmetic break and invest in exploring this unhealthy psychological obsession.