Dating as Trans

When is the right time tell someone?

In 2015, as I sat down with my partner at the time, my lip quivered and my throat closed. Would what I was about to say, end our relationship? I hadn’t been unfaithful, I was happy with her, we had a good thing going. Eventually the words crawled out of me, “I want to be a woman.”

Rightfully taken aback, she looked me up and down. The thick beard and broad body she had fallen for, suddenly became questionable. My costume could not hold up to the bright burn of the spotlight for much longer.

Photo by freestocks.org on Unsplash

She told me she would need to think about what I had said, and drove off to have some time alone. We met again a week later to discuss what this meant for us. She told me she was not into women, so this wouldn’t work for her. Frankly we were not too far into this relationship so both of us seemed okay with it moving back to being friends.

Despite being my partner no longer, she was still immensely supportive; helping me with voice training, taking me to my first music festival as a woman, fighting off anyone who had any negative to say.

But in the end, being trans is just sometimes a deal-breaker, and that is why it is so difficult to figure out when to tell someone that you are. Of course, six months and a beard later probably isn’t the best time though.