Is that an ENTP crawling in your bathroom window? Not likely, as they have no ninja powers and don’t know the meaning of sneaking up on their assailant. That is, unless you have included in your definition of ninja, that a bunch of pots and pans will go clattering to the floor very loudly and resoundingly, as this non-darkly clad assassin is on their way to slitting your throat.

ENTPs are berserkers. A pure extraverted intuitive ENTP is like a clittering, clattering, jangling, and upsetting abruption of noise and racket. However, they will never be hit with the bullet because they are way too lucky. They are protected by ten angels at all times. They will never get hurt and they don’t even really exist here anyway. You are really seeing a hologram beamed down from above. They are always banging into things and causing a ruckus. Clowns make ENTPs look normal. Have a visit to the circus sometime to remember the natural environs of where the ENTP belongs.

In the times of kings, they would laugh in the king’s face and tell him he needed to shave that crusty and arrogant beard. The king would get a razor and cut off the head of the person standing nearest to the ENTP and then bow low before the ENTP for their ungodly consideration in looking out for the king’s blasted hygiene. To this the ENTP would suggest that the king’s eyebrows are looking a little bushy so why not lop them off too. Maybe they could glue them to the thin eyebrows of the severed head laying at the ENTPs feet, which the ENTP is now using as a way to make himself look a bit taller. The king laughs heartily and says, “Yeah, that’s not a bad idea. Where do you get all these wonderful ideas?” The ENTP points down at his footrest and says, “Not out of his head, I’ll tell you that.”

You see, ENTPs don’t have to be ninjas because they can just come out and say what they want without fear of repercussion. They could be kings themselves but they are more like pirates, commandos or imaginary operatives in their own imaginary war that they wage like a child.

They are too much of the holy fool to be a stable king. But they can be a King a Ding Ding and that is what they call the king sometimes when he is feeling blue. “Why so serious? The worst you can do is drive the whole kingdom into oblivion. All kingdoms end eventually? Why prolong it? Let’s have a little fun on the way.”

ENTP kingdoms will always prosper because of the “ten angels at all times” thing. You can’t really go too far wrong with that kind of protection. ENTPs can get away with anything. They sold their mothers a long time ago back in the wooly membranes of childhood. Some of them sold her as soon as they were sure that they were officially out of her womb and breathing of their own accord. Of what use of they for mothers? ENTPs don’t need anyone except ten golden maids a day to pick up after their ungodly clutter and clatter. They are like the leader of a demented marching band. That is about as much as they taste of war, banging the drum and making a loud racket. Never do the bullets touch them. Never the enmity.

It might seem upon superficial observation that ENTPs are nasty bastards but that would be very introverted feeling of you. You see, ENTPs don’t know a damn thing about the poor and suffering introverted feeling type woes. They will help anyone in visible distress unless it is their mother or something like that. Just let it be a stranger in distress and they will be there like a white knight daydream. And then they will be off again as quick as you can say merry prankster. They don their hankies for oysters.

ENTPs can be very old world sometimes coming off as conservative and established members of society. But, that is just another superficial garb for them to wear while they are taking this life off from being court jesters.

ENTP Function Analysis:

E is for extraversion. They are in your face, in your space, talking all the time, about everything under the sun. They know what is going on everywhere but in their immediate environment.

N is for Intuition. ENTPs are space cadets. That term was coined after one of their members I’m sure. While they are extraverts they often have no idea of the particularity of things, such as where there shoes are, or where there shirt is, or where anything that belongs on their body is. They know where all their ideas are but unfortunately they can’t wear them for clothes. They are extraverts but are oblivious to the outer environment as regards what currently exists in it. Like all the objects that exist in physical space. They don’t know anything about that. As far as they are concerned there are a bunch of things out there that seem to be covering up the pure and virgin space around them. How annoying. Now, this whole scenario will change as soon as you switch over to the wavelength of what could be there in that space. Then all of a sudden they will see the objects that are there and then quickly come up with completely new objects that could be inhabiting that very space. In that five second window, you can get them to recognize that they are staring right at their shoes that they need to put on immediately so we can finally leave the house.

T is for thinking. Despite the ENTP clumsiness with navigating and even recognizing things in the current space-time environment, they use the thinking function to question why things couldn’t be some completely different way than they are. This often leads to invention but it can also lead to simple commentary that is always very logical and on point and hard to rebut by anyone except the smartest people around, which would be other ENTPs. They use thinking to escape every possible crushing danger they bring upon themselves by their complete disregard for physical existence. There are immense stores of knowledge in every ENTP about the most seemingly random subjects and topics, but they all have a place to the ENTP. That place would be under the bed with all the other objects of their room that didn’t get put away. This is called storage.

F is for Feeling (There is an F in ENTP, but it is silent, unlike them). Prepare yourself for Extraverted Feeling ala ENTP-style. It is a doozy. Very animated and expressive they are in a flurry of their extraverted intuitive ideas and mouth-dropping fluidity in expressing them. While they are telling you about life, the universe, and everything, in no particular order, ENTPs will be very engaging and entertaining. They will use simple and colorful terms to describe very complex and tangled phenomena. It is kind of like getting a sales pitch from a scientist to sell you science. And they do. They make science fun and exciting. They are like party-animal scientists.

One time I did some coke with an ENTP gay man who was a physicist/art dealer (typical profession for them). While we were hanging out in a dark park after hours and in between the moments where he was hitting on me, he was giving this wonderful and expansive explanation of physics. To me is seemed like the most normal thing in the world. I was thinking if you are going to do coke and be hit on by a member of your own sex, this is the exact type of talk that should go along with it. I actually considered being gay for a spell. Oh, those ENTPs, they can sell you on anything.

P is for perception. Yes, ENTPs can perceive anything, unless it possesses material existence. This is like their kryptonite. Other than that they are like supermen. Or women.

Speaking of the women. They are hot. I don’t think I have ever met an unattractive ENTP women. They have cat’s eyes that are very unmistakable and striking. And they are cute because they are not like ESTP women who know how hot they are and make you aware of it every five seconds.

ENTP women are pretty clueless about how hot they are. Again, it’s the whole material existence thing. Their bodies possess material existence, therefore they can’t perceive how hot they are. They are always slightly goofy or quirky that modifies this impression to endearingly hot. ENTP women have a sixth sense about sexual predators though. Despite their obliviousness, they are still extraverts and very aware of other people’s energies in the environment. They can sense ill-intent quickly. As soon as their alarm is tripped, like a swarm of locusts, their angels swoop in and ferry them away to safety.

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