Survivor Ghost Island has arrived! Every week, Parade’s Mike Bloom will bring you interviews with the castaway most recently voted off of the island.

A face can say it all in a game like Survivor. With only three people able to make it to the end and one to win the ultimate million-dollar prize, one has to continually read the faces of their competitors to find out their real intentions and, in turn, make sure they’re not giving anything away with their own expressions. Up to Day 29, Jenna Bowman admitted her facial tics were one of her most significant negatives, citing a perceived “resting bitch face.” But that night, she was putting forward a different expression: one of resignation and sadness. It was an attempt to persuade Donathan Hurley to play his idol on her, while she and the Naviti majority in their new sub-tribe would blindside the caretaker. But her expression registered from depression to shock quickly, as she was hit with the one-two punch of Donathan playing the idol for himself and the rest of the tribe, including frequent flirting partner Sebastian Noel, sending her literally to the jury box.

Jenna started the game on Malolo, and though she visited Tribal Council twice in the first week, she seemed to be in a comfortable position, specifically getting into a strong partnership with Stephanie Johnson. But things got turned upside-down with the first tribe swap, the first in what would turn out to be many draws that would put the former Malolo members in a disadvantage. Though she stayed on her former beach, she felt as low as the dirt that apparently populated her camp when she, Stephanie, Michael Yerger and Brendan Shapiro were left in a 5-4 minority. It was a roller coaster of a time, as they searched desperately for an out. When Michael’s idol find had Jenna reduced to tears of happiness, they turned to tears of sorrow as his incorrect play sent Brendan out. The next looming Tribal Council made it clear that another Malolo would be running soon behind the gym teacher. In an attempt to worm her way into the Naviti majority, she instituted a hair-brained scheme by flirting with Sebastian. The fishing guide was happy to keep around a braider, even if her hair did smell like a dead weasel, which allowed Jenna to weasel her way out of another vote. Unfortunately, this meant the end of her close ally Stephanie, and now she and Michael were reaching the end of their proverbial braid.

Luckily, Jenna got a new life in the game when a second tribe swap sent her to the brand-new Yanuya tribe. The green group turned out to be lucky for her. Though she got sent over with Sebastian, she was still on the outside looking in. Fortunately, she was granted a reprieve from Tribal Council with her tribe crushing the challenges, allowing her to enter the merge confidently after the chances looked nigh only several days before. The Navitis had the majority once more, and though they strayed from the initiative initially to make sure Chris Noble‘s first Tribal Council would be his last, they turned quickly back to the former Malolos. She was able to at least get wind of the group’s plans, as she was in on the plan to vote for Michael that incidentally sent out Libby Vincek, as well as catching Desiree Afuye with her hand in the conniving cookie jar. The next day, host Jeff Probst dropped a bomb that had not been seen since the first time the show went to Fiji. The remaining 10 castaways were randomly divided into two groups of five, and they would vote in those conglomerations that night, sending two people out of the game. With Jenna and Donathan up against Sebastian, Angela Perkins and Chelsea Townsend, they told her not to worry, as Donathan was too much of a swing vote to be kept in the game. Knowing he had an idol, she wanted to make sure he felt safe enough not to play it and went to him fabricating a story that she was told she would be going. What Jenna had no idea about was that sometimes in Survivor truth can be stranger than fiction, as her narrative was actually correct: The Navitis were going after her. But the trio themselves didn’t realize their plans were in danger, as Donathan was debating using his idol on Jenna to truly “reverse the curse” of the friendship broken over Kaoh Rong‘s broken idol. The group’s visit to Tribal Council was short on words, but duplicity was bubbling underneath the surface. Donathan decided to play the idol on himself, negating Jenna’s vote against him. But both Malolos were stunned to see Angela, Chelsea and Sebastian actually gun for their original target of Jenna, sending the overalls-donning account executive out of the game after an overall rocky road.

Now out of the game and on the jury, Jenna talks with me about the sense of power she gained from suddenly being on the jury, her initial connections on both Malolo and Yanuya and how a harrowing night taught her to see the positive things in life.

So you are the only person to move directly from getting their torch snuffed over to the jury box. You have to sit there while you’re still malnourished and reeling from a blindside, and now you have to pay attention to this Tribal Council going on in front of you. What was going through your head at that time?

I honestly don’t remember. I was just blindsided by somebody I really trusted. You have to get your torch snuffed, that’s hard enough to deal with. You’re processing: What did you do wrong? What could you have done differently? All of a sudden, you had to turn around and stare at everyone who just betrayed you, sit on the jury bench with these beautiful-looking humans, and then have the next Tribal walk in. It’s somewhat humiliating. I just got voted out, I have to process and I’m holding back tears and anger. You just want to go [and] talk about it. But at the end of the day, I think it might have helped me get over any bitterness. I think I transitioned so quickly back into juror mode, [thinking], “Alright, I’m still in the game.” For the first time, I have power! I’ve been on the bottom not being able to do anything, but now I have been given a new sense of power as a juror. There were so many different emotions going on; I blacked out for a little bit.

Obviously, Sebastian was the person you felt the most betrayed by for voting against you. What was your immediate reaction to that? Did it cool down as you transitioned into juror mode, or did you still hold resentment toward him?

There are two things. I was extremely hurt. If he was willing to blindside me, that’s fine. But the day before, he told me, “I want you to see your dad.” We knew the loved ones visit was around the corner, and he knew how important it was for me to see my dad. So him using that as a ploy to blindside was what frustrated me the most. But at the same time, he wasn’t the most strategic player. So I was, in a sense, proud of him. Good job, you made a move, and you had me fooled. There are two different sides to it. I got over the bitterness pretty quickly. We’re dating in real life now, so the first time we had an issue was last night revisiting a few of those emotions. [Laughs]

You put on a performance on your final day, feigning at Tribal Council that it was time for you to go in an attempt to get Donathan to play the idol on you. In your confessionals, you were confident that those tactics were working. What convinced you that he would stick to his word?

Right after we figure out it’s a double elimination, I see who I’m going to Tribal with. It’s the three Naviti and Donathan, so again [I’m] down in numbers. What they don’t show is that Donathan and I don’t have the best relationship up to this point. He’s constantly playing both sides; I don’t know where he fits. He had called Michael and me out a couple of Tribals before that, saying we’re neglecting a relationship with him. So that wasn’t my best outlet. Here’s three Naviti, but they’re not the most strategic Naviti. I’m not with Dom and Wendell, these three people I can potentially do something with. So I went over to Sebastian [and asked], “Are you willing to vote out somebody [from Naviti]?” [He responds], “No, Naviti strong.” [I was] constantly shut down. Which is fine; it was the name of the game the whole season. But when he came to me and said, “I want you to see your dad, we’re voting out Donathan,” I thought for sure I had this in the bag. So here I am thinking, “OK, we’re all voting Donathan. My goal is to play up that I know I’m going home, so Donathan feels comfortable.” [That way], he doesn’t play his idol for himself, so we can all vote for him. When he approached me with a second plan of, “Hey, I’ll play my idol on you if you vote Sebastian,” I told him, “Yes,” even though I didn’t agree with his strategy. It was somewhat of a red flag because we didn’t have a relationship. But I went with it as a plan B of protection. Obviously, neither of those worked and I was blindsided and didn’t get the idol. Tribal looked like I was throwing in the towel, but it was essentially a blindside because I thought the target was Donathan.

The first few rounds of the merge, even though Malolo is on the bottom, you were able to vote along with the Naviti majority. Did you have any inroads with them? Or did it just come down to the majority approaching you and telling you to write someone’s name down?

Obviously, they don’t show how they weigh the decision. But for the most part, it’s like, “These eight people are voting for this person.” At this point, you’re playing [as] an individual, and you’re just hoping it’s not you until you get to a place where you can actually make a move. It was more of who’s willing to vote [with the] majority, and that’s it. Unless someone had an idol or someone was willing to flip, it was vote with the majority. Now when Des came to us and was like, “Hey, we’re willing to make this big play,” it was a dream come true. Then obviously Laurel, because of her secret alliance that we didn’t know about, ruined that for us. It was frustrating, constantly being on the bottom and having to go the way everybody wanted to vote. That was why I felt this Tribal was a small Tribal where I was able to sway something maybe and make a move. But it fell flat.

Let’s rewind to the beginning of the game. Before the season, you had practiced overcoming your “resting bitch face.” Were you able to do so successfully in your time on the game?

I think I was so focused on not showing that side of me. I was cast as a likable villain, and clearly, that was not how I played the game. I was just so worried because constantly being on the bottom, I always centered myself. So here I am, playing nice, sucking up to people and doing everything I didn’t want to do. Hold my personality in check and bite my tongue. That was the hardest thing for me. That was essentially my strategy: Don’t be yourself right now until you can make a move. I tried not having resting bitch face and making relationships with people who I honestly wanted to punch in the face. Watching back, I’m like, “Who was that person?” I didn’t crack a joke once! There was nothing. So it was hard looking back. I wish I could have been myself more and had the confidence and numbers to do that. But unfortunately, it didn’t work out that way.

When I spoke to other former Malolos–which there are a lot of at this point–they told me that there was a possibility you could have gone home in that first Tribal Council over Stephanie Gonzalez. Were you aware of this at all?

I knew Gonzalez threw my name out there. And people had approached me; Brendan was like, “Yeah, Gonzalez is pitching against you.” So I went into that vote confident. We had this alliance we called the “Starfish Five”: me, Libby, Michael, Donathan and Brendan. Us five were running the table. After reading those interviews, I’ve talked to Michael and Libby, and I was like, “Was this actually a thing?” They all said, “No. Your name was thrown out there by Gonzalez, and we went along with [it].” So I don’t know what to believe! I felt my alliances were strong, and I felt I was on top with Donathan and me. Hearing that, I was surprised, but I’ve also checked in with a few people, and I don’t know what the truth is.

What was your relationship like with Stephanie Johnson? We saw you two were close even at that first vote, and you get even closer after the swap. She also talked with me about how you would sit on the beach and curse until the cows come home. Give me your side of things.

From the beginning, the first moment we saw each other, we knew we were compatible. We felt very secure with each other; we discussed going to the end together. We brought in Michael and Brendan, who were also forming a tight relationship, and Libby, who was also there because she was close with Michael. So us five became very close, but I always felt Stephanie and me were the spearhead of things. The Jacob vote-out, we were the ones directly handling the lies and manipulating. It showed her more in control, and the edit showed me more as following. But I think there was a lot of partnership there. She’s an amazing player and an amazing woman. We definitely cursed a lot. People were really uncomfortable with things we would talk about. That was the hardest name I had to write down.

We didn’t see a lot of your time on Yanuya. You were in this weird position where you were close with position, but you and Laurel were outnumbered 4-2 as Malolos. What were those dynamics like?

Yanuya was honestly my favorite time, for sure. It was honestly a blessing; I would have been next to go on Malolo if we didn’t have that swap. I finally got to meet Wendell and Chris Noble, who I heard great things about. Laurel [and I] were really close, [as] we were the only two females. We would sit on the beach and laugh at Chris Noble because he was so ridiculous. Wendell and she were really close, so that was where I finally got to get close to them and talk strategy. We were on a pretty good consensus that if anything happened, we would vote out Chris Noble. So I felt pretty safe. Then we ran the table with all the challenges. It was fun; we chilled there. There wasn’t much strategy; we didn’t have to freak out about anything. It was a breath of fresh air being on that island.

In your Final Words, you talked about how in the game, you were able to overcome your fear of being vulnerable and positively tackling things. Can you elaborate on that?

I had my big moment of, “Oh my God, I feel like I’m actually changing” at Yanuya. One night, we had this massive rainstorm. It was eight hours long and us being on a new island, we didn’t have a shelter with a roof. We had just built the base platform, so we all sat there in the rain the whole night under a palm frond. We had nowhere to go, we were drenched and saying, “We’re gonna die.” Usually, moments like that where I’m tested to my limit, I turn negative and say, “This is ridiculous. [Expletive] this, I don’t want to do this.” I woke up the next morning, and I was smiling. I was so happy and proud of myself. Even the producers were like, “Wow, you’re so happy right now. What’s going on?” I was like, “I don’t know, I just feel so grateful for everything.” It was a turning moment for me.

It made me realize that it’s OK to be happy. I was tested, and it was one of the hardest nights of my life. And everything was OK! The world’s fine, you’re still living this amazing experience. Just to be grateful for that instead of focusing on the negative. Sebastian has had an impact on me; he is the most positive person that I know. Coming out of my Survivor experience, it’s been continuing because I just am always focusing on the good.

After your stellar Ponderosa video, when are we going to see a formal marketing campaign for “Aqua by Survivor”?

[Laughs] We talked about it last night! We’re like, “OK, time out. This is actually so good. I’m sure we can sell this product. We definitely should be making money on this!” Michael and I worked so well together; we have such good chemistry. I hope that we can continue working together in the TV area.

[Laughs] As long as it doesn’t smell like gasoline!

[Laughs] I love the smell of gasoline! Obviously not a good perfume, but it is a good smell.