With the return of War of the Worlds 2, I’m going to be posting a weekly article doing what I do best: rankings.

Every week, I’m going to rank the players based on their impact in the episode. These rankings are going to be completely subjective, based on my feelings of how entertaining the characters were, how they did competitively/politically, and how the episode impacted their overall game.

I’m going to keep running totals to determine who has the best season on War of the Worlds 2. The winner of this prestigious championship will be awarded the grand prize of nothing.

Without further ado, LET’S GO.

RANKINGS

32. Sean- I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone more out of place in my life. Obviously Sean didn’t know what he was getting himself into when he agreed to come on The Challenge, and was a deer in headlights in his short stay.

In his meeting with the tribunal, he played the role of Wes’ personal puppet, and was almost talked into letting Bear know that he was targeting him. Although he put up a fight in his elimination with Idris, it’s safe to say we won’t be seeing Sean again.

As Bananas said — Sean, next time you come on The Challenge, don’t come on The Challenge.

31. Esther- Her biggest part in the premiere was getting manhandled by Laurel, leading to a victory for the US.

30. Big T- Planting her flag in Sean’s camp probably wasn’t the right hill for Big T to die on, plus she might have cost her team the victory by not being able to get around Laurel. It wouldn’t surprise me if she’s the next one out on Team UK.

29. Zahida- No confessionals, can’t even remember seeing her. Why is she on instead of Melissa again?

28. Faith- One confessional about how she is basically a rookie on the vet-heavy US team (although, let’s not forget that Faith is the only real US veteran on this show). Why is she on instead of Angela again?

27. Theo- I don’t expect this to keep up for one of the stars of War of the Worlds, but he had no confessionals this episode and was an absolute non-factor.

26. Jenny- Bananas already having his sights on this strong rookie female was the least-surprising development of the first episode.

25. Nicole- She is Georgia’s mucker. That’s all we know about Nicole at this point.

24. Zach- Quiet episode for Zach, which is probably a good thing for him.

23. Ninja- It was a pretty easy decision for the US to take Ninja over Dee based on Ninja turning in the greatest rookie performance by a female on War of the Worlds since Laurel on Fresh Meat II.

22. Nany- Beginning her eighth season, she feels that she deserves to be a champion. I love you Nany, but you deserve to be a champion based on what? Smoking cigarettes, not working out and playing an average political game?

21–20. Paulie and Cara- We didn’t see much from them this episode other than hearing Tori say that people are already getting sick of them. These two are obviously going to be big characters as long as they’re on the show, so I’m perfectly fine with them starting the season on a quiet note.

19. Kyle- He has a much-improved haircut this season. Maybe he’s trying not to look like a pirate so Cara will stop obsessing over him.

18. Kayleigh- She is reunited with her Final Reckoning partner Kam, and the duo should be working together across the aisle this season.

17. Kam- Can we talk about how crazy it is that Kam is at best the US team’s fourth-best girl (outside of Laurel, Cara and Ninja)? Meanwhile the UK’s fourth-best girl (outside of Georgia, Dee and Jenny) is…Kayleigh? The US is absolutely stacked.

16. Leroy- All Leroy wanted his team to do was have a chat with each other, and get a sense of who the tribunal was going to put in. Shockingly, that didn’t happen.

15. Ashley- One of my favorite moments from this episode was Ashley being upset about not picking CT because the US team had been friends with him for “15 years.” This is coming from Ashley, who met CT on Invasion of the Champions in 2016.

14. Joss- The fact that he’s already been manipulated by Wes is not surprising at all, but at least his buddy (lover?) Rogan stayed out of elimination.

13. Georgia- I thought things couldn’t get worse for Georgia romantically after being embarrassed by Bear last season. But somehow, she topped herself by showing interest in Josh.

12. Bananas- He was surprisingly out of the limelight this episode, including his trademark toast being cut out. But things went his way with Wes being exposed as a snake.

11. Turbo- He continues to be the most adorable human on the planet. One of the only people on the cast to not completely shit on Sean, comparing him to a rabbit. Team US was already stacked before they had Turbo, and with him it’s hard to imagine them losing very much.

10. Tori- She and Jordan have clearly thought out how they’re going to play the game together. They have smartly decided to sleep in different rooms, and they’re not being as in-your-face about their relationship as Cara and Paulie. Tori is so likable and she’s going to be excellent at putting out Jordan’s fires this season.

9. Idris- Nice opening episode for the rookie, laying out Wes in the mission and taking out Sean in Pole Wrestle. He seems quiet and I don’t expect him to be much of a character, but he looks to be a damn good competitor.

8. Bear- The clown prince seems sad this season. It looks like he doesn’t have many friends on the cast, and was targeted for the first elimination. He survived, but he might have an uphill battle on his team. But his confessional about when Laurel looks into his eyes she sees “love, destiny and the key to enlightenment” was gold.

7. Laurel- She has already proven herself as one of the top female competitors in her return to the show. She has Jordan’s trust, as evidenced by him taking her into the tribunal. But her showing interest in Bear is…a choice.

6. CT- This episode didn’t go well for CT, but it was certainly entertaining. The man who once said Evan looks pregnant on Rivals is now looking like he’s carrying triplets. He was spoken about by the US team as almost a Big Easy-level competitor and had Turbo chosen instead of him.

Now CT finds himself on a team where he doesn’t know many people. Plus he got in a fight with Josh, leading to him angrily doing squats in the gym. As he said, not off to a good start.

5. Wes- Another player who’s not off to a great start. He was taken into the tribunal because Jordan wanted him to show his cards, and he did just that by alerting Rogan that he was being targeted. His inquisition of Sean was hysterical, but Wes looks like he’s going to have a tough go of it this season.

4. Dee- Wes’ protégé had a big first episode, hooking up with Rogan. Relationships on The Challenge usually end well, so I have no doubt this romance will end in marriage.

3. Josh- Listen, I’m not a fan of this guy at all, but the dude got in a fight with CT and lived to tell the tale, plus he kissed Georgia, who’s approximately 87 times out of his league. These are bigger achievements than winning Big Brother.

2. Rogan- He has already made more of an impact than he did on Vendettas. Rogan banged Dee and was able to survive the first elimination by ratting on Wes. It was good survival instinct of Rogan to basically beg Jordan to not throw him in, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he’s thrown in soon to break up his bromance with Joss.