Micro Flynning Your Life to Eventual Doom

6 Situations That Call For Your Immediate Action

Buffy is shown here putting a random brain muncher out of his misery without hesitation. [Image Source: http://io9.gizmodo.com]

It’s been said that the Trump administration immediately let Lock-Her-Up Flynn go, after 18 days on learning about his unseemly treasonous behavior. My subject of awe about the whole scandal is not this at all. My focus is why so many good, intelligent and hardworking Americans are chugging the gallons of unadulterated hogwash.

What happened to that New York AG that was supposedly in position to make Trump’s presidency a living nightmare? Is he working a clandestine angle and will very shortly go medieval Harvard Law on this seepy turd coalescence on 1600?

How in blistering barnacles could some of the top surrogates in the Trump campaign (Jeff Sessions and Michael Flynn) have illegal diplomatic contact with Russia and not involve the head huncho in any way whatsoever? Even worker bees know to alert the queen before they add rival hives to their Linked.in profiles.

The bizarre, brazen and brainfreezing moves that keep getting diarrhea-ed from the White House are clearly designed to distract from this glaring fact. I’m not going to distract myself from milking the eternal Listicle Giving Tree that is the circus sideshow in Washington today. Here it is. Much awaited, raw as always and infinitely unabated:

How not to convert your democratic superpower into a dicktatorial banana republic:

You’re lounging on the beach enjoying a lazy afternoon on a serene July summer afternoon. Suddenly, an army of Great Whites charge from the ocean killing the only lifeguard…with their ninja stars. Unbothered, you continue to stare at your wierd looking toes wondering out loud if you should get them all sheared off. You get held up by a mentally unstable nun who proceeds to blow a shotgun blast right through your chest cavity. You choose to show up at your “surprise” birthday party that night anyway instead of checking yourself in to the Emergency Room. You’re deep frying pickled deviled eggs and retreat to the living room to watch your favorite baseball team. The smoke alarm goes off. You choose to ignore it because it’s the top of the 5th and there’s a chance your pitcher might break the all time record…for sucking. You can’t miss that. You’re an airline pilot and run into a flock of exotic cuckatoos that are completely lit and dissoriented ( from drinking too much Parrot Bay). They jam your engines and instead of ditching into the Hudson River below or empty highway on the side of it, you choose to wait. You have discovered that if you hit 13,000 feet in the NYC area, aliens let you use their WIFI for free. That can’t happen on highways or rivers and you haven’t updated your status all day today. You happen upon a vampire-werewolf-zombie hybrid creature. He’s sleeping off a macabre night of slaughter and terror. Instead of stabbing him in the head when he’s capped out, you choose to see if your new listicle on The Haven has garnered any Recommends. The creature inexplicably wakes up with a start, grabs the phone from you, reads your article and tells you it’s shit but he’ll Recommend it all the same, if you can just fuck off and let him rest these killing bones. You’re a flight attendant on a US commercial airline ushering passengers after watching Kill Bill in your hotel room in this boring as fuck town. A middle aged woman is feeding her tiny adorable baby and summons you to ask for something. You take too long to cuss and spit at her, permanently destroying your reputation in the process.

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