In a budget described as path breaking by Madhu Kishwar and “fluffier than cotton candy” by Mihir Sharma, Railway minister-reformist Suresh Prabhu has announced a 24X7 exclusive helpline for train passengers to complain against uncles snoring on train journeys. These sounds have been described in a myriad of ways; some say it sounds like Batman having a soliloquy; Pakistanis say it reminds them of the bombs they hear at a distance back home; fans of Honey Singh describe it as “soothing and conducive to good sleep”.

The helpline would work around the clock to ensure that the snores don’t go to waste. Consistent with PM Modi’s call for developing renewable energy sources in the country, researchers have been urged to find a way to tap the sound energy of uncle-snores and convert it to electricity that can be used to power the trains themselves. But until then, officials will be equipped with mp3 players containing audio from Arnab’s Newshour, which will be plugged into the ears of snoring uncles to wake them up with a fright. Since they are paying travellers, they will be compensated with a tape of Manmohan Singh’s speech to help them go back to sleep. In case of multiple uncles snoring out of tune in the same bogey, all will be moved to the seats closest to the toilet so that stench would keep them up all night, thereby ensuring the comfort of all other passengers.

The announcement has received mixed reviews. While fans of Honey Singh and Himesh Reshamiyya are obviously upset, many others have welcomed the move. Sagarika Ghose has dubbed it as “sexist” for implying only uncles can be used to tap energy, while ignoring the capabilities of aunties. Meanwhile, the All India Association of Loud Aunties (AIALA), while welcoming the move, said that their snoring husbands were an everyday torture in their homes and demanded that the Woman and Child Development Ministry look into their daily plight as well. Deve Gowda and Siddaramaiah’s wives have gone beyond party lines to support the women’s group, stating that their suffering is greater than the enmity between JD(S) and Congress.