The Beer Keeper's lament: Display case chaos

I like to think I'm a semi-intelligent, animated, decisive kind of guy, but you would never guess any of that if you bumped into me at your local liquor store.

There's something about a wall of refrigerated display cases filled to the brim with beer that sends me into an unresponsive stupor.

To see me there -- slack-jawed, glassy-eyed, frozen in place -- you might think I was either practicing my living statue routine or in the midst of some kind of serious cognitive episode.

Beer displays are my kryptonite. As my wife will tell you, there is no such thing as me "just running in" to pick up some beer for dinner. She and the kids pack a lunch and make a picnic of it while they wait.

And wait.

But don't think I am so dazed and confused that I don't notice you right there next to me, doing the exact same thing.

It's not our fault.

Liquor stores are engineered to make life difficult for beer shoppers like us, that is, those of us who aren't yoked to one specific brand, 365 days a year.

What I want to know is this: Why can't beer be sold like wine?

If I'm looking for a German Riesling to go with some grilled scallops, for instance, I simply look for the German wine section, size up the Reisling selection, and choose one.

Ah, but if it's an India Pale Ale or an Imperial Stout I'm after -- well, gang, make yourselves comfortable, because this may take a while.

Stores display their beers by brand. At least every store that I've been in does this. So, if I want to peruse the IPAs, I've got to go brand, by brand, by brand, until I find one I want.

That's time-consuming, annoying, and, I think, horribly outdated.

The reasons for this, as far as I can tell, go back to the days when there was really only one kind of beer -- or maybe two, if you found there to be a meaningful distinction between "domestic" and "imported" lager.

But times have changed. Today, there are more than 3,000 craft breweries in the U.S. alone. With big brands like Budweiser, Miller and Coors still dominating sales, they naturally get the lion's share of the display area. What space is left is a microbrew free-for-all.

Most stores I go into are an absolute mess, with beer stacked up all over the place -- by brand, I'll grant you, but with no discernible rhyme or reason.

Oh, here's that Ommegang Abbey Ale I was looking for, right where I expected it to be -- next to the Tom Collins mix.

I want to suggest that there's a better way. In fact, I did suggest this very thing when I visited Angelyce Gonzalez at the Wine Academy in Hazlet.

Angelyce is the store's beer consultant. The fact that the Wine Academy, which happens to have a fantastic beer selection, even has such a person working the floor speaks volumes about how seriously they take customer service there.

Angelyce's job is to help people like me who go into a catatonic trance wherever they get near a beer display case, and she's a real pro at it: patient, easy to talk to, and super-knowledgeable about beer. If I were in a rush to get back to those grilled scallops, she'd be able to set me up with the perfect IPA in no time.

The problem is, there aren't many Angelyces out there. For the most part, we beer shoppers are left to our devices. And it ain't pretty to watch.

Mom, do you think Dad has been taken hostage in there? Shouldn't we call someone?

Angelyce acknowledged the problem exists. That very day, she told me, a customer had come in looking to buy some IPA for her husband, and she had no clue what that even was.

If it weren't for Angelyce, the poor woman would still be there, wandering up and down the beer aisle.

Exactly my point. So, I asked Angelyce, why not organize beers by style, instead of by brand? I mean, it seems to work kind of well with wine. Is beer really that different?

I'm not the first to think of this. Ron Johnson, a sales representative for Yards Brewing Company, who was doing a tasting at the store the night I was there, said there was a liquor store in South Jersey that actually tried this a while ago.

How did it go?

"It just confused people even more," he said. "It was, 'What does all this mean?' and 'Wasn't Yards over there?' It was a nice idea, but, you know . . ."

I know. People hate change. Even if the change means you no longer have to stand there banging your head against the display case.

Angelyce wasn't sold on the idea, either. She was concerned that jumbling up all the brands would look visually jarring.

Jarring, schmarring, I said. It's a liquor store, not an art gallery. And she wouldn't have to re-arrange all the beer. She could try a few helpful categories, maybe "IPAs," "Belgian beers" and "Beers of New Jersey," for starters.

It could just be an experiment, I ventured. And, if her bosses decided it was a colossal waste of time . . .

"I'll give them your contact information," she said.

Fair enough. But wasn't it also possible that customers would be thrilled to find a store that was finally bringing order to the chaos that is shopping for beer? What then, I asked?

Angelyce's wheels were turning.

"What if no one needs my help anymore?" she asked.

On tap

The Asbury Park Beerfest is this weekend, Feb. 21 and 22, at Convention Hall. Presented by 95.9 FM WRAT and the Asbury Park Boardwalk, the event should be a blast, featuring beers from all over the world, tons of great food, and crazy sports like "Masskrugstemmen," a beer stein holding contest. I'll be there Saturday, drink-- I mean, researching for future Beer Keeper columns. So stop by the Asbury Park Press table and say hello.

There are three, four-hour sessions over the course of the two days. Last year's event sold out, so don't dither. For ticket information and other details, go to asburyparkbeerfest.com.

Shannon Mullen: 732-643-4278; smullen@app.com