LOS ANGELES (The Borowitz Report) -- Hollywood had its thunder stolen this morning when, moments after the Golden Globes announced this year's nominees, WikiLeaks announced the winners.

Speaking from his jail cell in London, WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange said, "On behalf of all of us here at WikiLeaks, I want to offer my congratulations to all the winners, including Natalie Portman, Colin Firth, and this year's Best Picture, 'Burlesque.'"

Mr. Asssange said that the Golden Globes are important because they often predict who will win the Academy Awards, "which I will announce tomorrow."

From his jail cell, Mr. Assange said he hoped that he would be released soon so that he could sit behind people in movie theaters and spoil the endings. More here.

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