ABC

Jordan "I Think I Went To High School With That Guy" Rodgers is still here and he is here to stay, folks. Jordan is, by miles and miles, the only dude that Jojo seems to have any feelings for. Maaybe Luke. Jojo takes Jordan to a vineyard ("It's where they grow grapes, to make wine!" - Hallie Parker) and they stomp grapes roughly to the rhythm of "Together We Can" by The Cheetah Girls. Jojo jumps into Jordan's grape bucket with him, which feels unsanitary but maybe in a sexy way. Jojo slides her grape-y feet up and down Jordan's calves in some sort of sexual grape juice merengue. Then they DRINK THE MUSHED UP GRAPE JUICE, chunks and all. THIS IS NOT WHAT WINE IS, GUYS. Jordan is like "Haha, this is kind of weird because my feet were in this beverage" and Jojo says "This tastes amazing. I would eat anything touched by any part of your body. Are you friends with Olivia Munn?" Celebrity couple Jojordan then hops in a hot tub to make out while the rest of the guys gossip about them while overlooking an infinity pool. I don't know. At dinner, they drink actual wine and Jojo is like "Okay, so who am I meeting next week when you obviously get a hometown date? Darla, Ed…" Ugh. I remember when I had crushes on boys in like, the ninth grade and I really prided myself on being able to remember their parents' names. This feels like that. Jordan goes "Yeah, those are my parents, good job - and there's also my brother Luke, what a goofball! PS my middle brother won't be there." "And that's Aaron?" asks Jojo, obviously crushed. Jordan rambles on about how close he is with Luke, the Other Brother, and Jojo is like "I literally couldn't give a shit about anyone in your family, Jordan, why aren't you friends with the famous one? Does this mean Olivia Munn isn't coming either?" If you're anything like me (I hope you're not) and have spent hours when you should be studying getting deep into the Wizarding World of Instagram, then you already know that Aaron/Olivia (Oliviaaron?) are best friends with the girl that Jordan famously(ish) cheated on, so, no, Jojordan will not be going on double dates with them. This whole scene is absolutely fascinating to watch - if you're not a regular viewer of this fine television program (shame on u) consider looking it up. Jojo seems so, so genuinely disappointed. Sensing this, Jordan is like "but I'm falling in love with you!" and she perks right back up like a limp child who's been given a dose of PediaLyte. Congrats, Jordan. Jojo is already making big plans to reunite your family and get the season tickets she feels she deserves. Stay tuned.