A Satirical Look at the UK’s Chancellor of the Exchequer

– Growing Pains: The Osborne Story –

The only logical conclusion I can reach about George Osborne is that he is in a constant state of puberty. He is a young teenager trapped in an incompetent adult’s body with traits from both that render him useless as a human being in general but more specifically useless as a Chancellor of the Exchequer.

What evidence do I have to support such an outrageous claim I hear you ask! Let me share some short, simple gems with you to help you understand the plight of this boisterous adolescent trapped in an arrogant, manipulative, sadistic adult’s body.

Squandering His Pocket Money

George Osborne was handed the mother of all pocket money promises when he became Chancellor of the Exchequer. He promised to be shrewd and spend his money wisely and not waste it all like his older brothers Blair, Brown and Darling allegedly had. However, in his attempts to make good use of his pocket money, he actually managed to spend more than his brothers had previously and leave the country in over £1.5trillion of debt.

His Mate Charlie is a Bad Influence !

Perhaps it is a lack of confidence that many adolescents have or maybe he finds it easier to blag his way out of tight corners but his friend Charlie has obviously helped enhance Osborne’s social skills in certain situations and hindered his ability to pay attention in the House of Commons.

Osborne the Tea-leaf Reader :

It amazes me that so many people believe that they can predict the future but our very own clairvoyant, Mr. Osborne, unsuccessfully predicted back in 2010 that the coalition Government would return the UK to a budget surplus by the end of their term in Government. Not only has George Osborne completely failed to eradicate the budget deficit as he claimed he would, and borrowed hundreds of billions more than he claimed he would, the economy is way smaller than he claimed it was going to be back in 2010. Maybe he should try Tarot cards for the Tory Government’s performance over the next 5 years!

The Bullies Took All His Toys :

I do feel slightly sorry for George on this one because it looks like all his corporate bully boy pals have bullied him into giving away some of his toys. He really loved his “I’m a total banker” RBS toy and he used to take his “Postman Pat” Royal Mail action figures everywhere with him. By the end of his 5 years as chancellor he is likely to have lost all of his toys to these bullies. A real shame for George!

He is Stealing the other Kid’s Pocket Money :

I’m not sure if he is stealing the younger kids’ pocket money and passing it on to the corporate bullies that are stealing all of his toys but his lack of empathy towards the younger kids is really quite worrying. He almost seems psychopathic and never seems to face any consequences for his actions. If you ask me he is destined to end up in a jail cell at some point in the future. Probably alongside his sadistic friends David, Ian and Tony!

Gangs and Weapons :

He appears to part of a dangerous gang called NATO that are forcing him to store weapons for them. Weirdly enough this gang seems to use weapons called Trident (I thought it was only Zeus that used a trident as a weapon or Ariel’s dad in the Little Mermaid). He has been forcing is neighbor to store them because he knows they are too dangerous to keep himself and just gave his neighbour £500million to keep them sweet! However, I have seen what happens when you mess with his neighbor and I’m pretty sure this will come back to bite George on the arse very soon!

I hope someone finds an antidote for Mr Osborne’s condition because it is not just George that is being affected by this affliction, it is all of us!

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