2013 British and Irish Lions Tour – How excited are you?

It’s now one month and ten days until a pack of pasty northern neanderthals called the British and Irish Lions arrive on the golden soil of this land girt by sea, with one aim only – to grind our boys into it.

G&GR hereby serves notice that from now on we will be building the excitement in this momentous contest to a level of frenzy that by the time this barbarian horde actually turns up, you – and we – will have lost all perspective on this as a sporting event. It will disturb your sleep, change your eating patterns, effect your performance at work and most definitely damage your relationships.

But hey, you’ve got 12 years to put all that right again.

Believe the hype

Why all the hype? Well, it’s a classic David and Goliath story. Good vs evil. The virtuous gold of the simmering sun, versus the crimson spilled by marauding hordes.

Want to know just how outgunned we are? Check out the infographic on the right.

For the Brits, this series signals a chance for revenge like they’ve not seen this century. Their pack of world cup winners went down to our golden heroes in 2001. Then they had to face a world class kiwi outfit, followed by the Saffas at the top of their game. Timing has not been their strong suit.

But this time it’s different. Australia rightly sits behind the other two Lions “prey” in the world rankings. We’re the weakened baby water buffalo limping behind the herd, like a 10 who has to defend at 15. Just as on the plains of the Serengeti, there will be no mercy here.

This thrill of the hunt is what unites a number of nations that for hundreds of years has lived through hate of each other – specifically, hate between the English and everyone else. At Lions time though, pommy boorishness gets washed over by booze-oiled celtic camaraderie and the common sense of purpose focuses in a way that even Hitler couldn’t achieve.

If this uber-nationalism wasn’t enough, you’ve also got the format of the thing. No tournament-style distraction with pools and paraphenalia here, just an beautiful build up into the genius of a three test series.

For this, the Dirt Tracker matches – where the wider evolving Lions squad takes on the provincial Australian sides – is like the lead up to an old fashioned wedding night: the anticipation is often better than the real thing. The reading of the tea leaves, the player combinations you’ve never seen before.

And then, unlike the sudden death of a tournament, a test series that gives both sides the chance to learn and adapt. It’s history writing itself in front of your eyes. With legends like O’Driscoll, O’Connell and George Smith in the reckoning, those stories have the capability to be monumental.

Come with us

From here on in, G&GR will be serving you up with what we consider to be the ultimate Lions online experience. All the best news, analysis, humour and video gems that we can cram down your eye and ear holes.

How can you get on board? Apart from constantly re-freshing the website in your browser for the next three months, sign up to our daily email. It will give you everything you need to know each day and links to our best Lions bits.

We also have G&GR Lions T-Shirts and stubby coolers coming. Give us your suggestions as to your own original slogan below. If it gets printed you’ll get a free copy of the merch.

As a wise man once said to me – “PUMP UP!”

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Feature photo c/o Adam Pretty/ALLSPORT