Pure horror (Picture Chris Murphy)

A man phoned colleagues with the unforgettable excuse, ‘I can’t come into work today. I have a sword stuck in my bum.’

Mr Kao, 54, had been attempting to treat his own piles – by using a toy sword to ‘snip’ the haemhoroids.

Sadly, he slipped, and the spiky, fantasy weapon disappeared up his rear entrance.

He was rushed to Run Run Shaw Hospital in Hangzhou City, China – where he was greeted by crowds of reporters.


One asked, ‘Were you crouching over the mirror while you were trying to do it?’ and another, ‘Did it accidentally slip while you were trying to sit down?’



Kao replied, ‘Yes’ to both queries.

MORE: This iPhone battery trick makes your phone last four hours longer

Just imagine having this up your bottom (Picture Getty)

Ow (Picture Chris Murphy)

Doctors were able to remove the blood-soaked three-inch sword – but, regrettably, had to inform him that he never had piles at all, just an itchy anus.