Diaries of Trump’s Russian handler (I)

Over the weekend, Best Defense discovered a document in a pumpkin patch on a farm near the nation’s capitol. It purports to be the handwritten diary of a Russian travel agency operator in Washington D.C. Some of the more indiscreet excerpts are being published here in the public interest.

February 2017

“Will be good for your career,” President Vladimir Putin said when he called me in to assign mission back in 2015. “What could be so hard about handling buffoonish TV star who plays rich loudmouth?”

Easy for Uncle Vlad to say. When he was in the field he was stationed in Liberated Germany. Little he knows of American ways. German way of existence was hard after we defeated them in Great Patriotic War. They take a lot. Americans generally babies, and we helped them make biggest baby as their leader. And that is now my problem! I feel like requesting transfer back to Damascus station.

Such messages I receive through my cutout! “Trump requires to know why we let Flynn thing out of control.” “Trump asks why did you not warn him ambassador’s phone might be listened to by NSA?” Seriously, Mister President? No German would ever pose to Putin such questions! Laughable, would have been. “Trump unhappy with treatment of Sessions.” Fortunately attorney general knows little, has not so much to trade with prosecutor.

Big worry remains cash crunch down the road. Not sure how longer we can lean on our third-party lenders to keep funds flowing into Trump ratholes. Only now realizing sagacious wisdom of American bankers in declining to lend to buffoon after four Chapter 11 bankruptcies in early ‘90s and early 2000s. Capitalist system unexpectedly kind to him — oligarchs vigorously dislike such unilateral re-negotiation of debt.

Now rumblings from Kremlin underlings that top level peoples think I must “Get him to shut up on Twitter!” No one has ever done that with Trump. What to do? Is problem.

Plus yesterday I receive notification of demoralization at our Palm Beach Sub-Station. Sigh.

(Much more to come)

Photo credit: Quinn Dombrowski/Flickr