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The Japanese red light district, selling the Middle East boat, women and their super powers, Chris the Kiwi bangs an escort, women in World War 3, dealing with a concern troll, destroying cultural landmarks, politicians as military targets, bias for bias against women in STEM, the cyst burger, alumnx, moving to America, cold toilet seats, The Golden Globe Awards, and Mint Salad steals a car; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

It’s a new year! And it’s already off the rails. World War 3 is looming on the horizon. Australia is burning. Chris the Kiwi is getting laid more than you. eGirls are stealing cars. Things are getting X’ed from existence. Trump is selling the boat. Does anyone have goals for the year? I certainly do. They’re the same as last year, and I’ll get to them.

1. Drink more and do more drugs. A hangover kicks like a mule at this point in my life. Because the liquor has become a leviathan, etched in stone and blasted into space. It must be tamed and confused and become. I realize this will be difficult for someone who has quit drinking, but no one likes a quitter. The reality is, all of us have a finite amount of drinking and drugs we’re going to do in our lives. The number may fudge here or mulligan there, but it is finite. It’s not even up to us.

2. Do more projects that I don’t finish. It’s a numbers game. Disciprine works for some, but not for all. If you have five asses that are ten percent done, you have half an ass. But if you have ten asses that are ten percent done, then you have a you have a whole ass. I’ll be announcing a video game, and a casino resort, and a few space projects in the coming months. Maybe there’s a project that cannot by its nature be finished. I’d like to start it.

3. Appreciate the little things and be less angry. Everything is awesome. And there’s so many little things to appreciate in life. The sun. The beautiful weather. Gasoline. Dirt. Worms. Whores. One day they’ll all be gone. Sometimes, it’s easy to lose sight of that. I need to appreciate it more.

And that’s my list. And as I said, it’s the same as last year, and I’ll get to it, but first…

Whore island. It’s a real place.

It runs on ten dollar bills. It has the most beautiful women you’ll ever see and they speak only in gibberish. Swarms of procedurally generated men you can not identify with, who flash incompatible gestures of threat and confusion in your direction pass at all times. You are without fear because you do not understand at an atavistic level. You are immune. You are a ghost.

The toilets on whore island are made of computers. The ground is made is cement, and it goes down and down forever. The sky is freezing. The history is nonsense. You have not heard anything familiar in weeks.

Whore island is what you get when you can have nice things. We cannot have nice things because we are horrible and petty and because we have God in the way, but some people can. It just doesn’t bother them.

I highly recommend it. I have seen a lot of the so-called wondrous things in the world, and Whore Island is the highest among them. It doesn’t belong on the same list. You can’t take pictures of it. It’s illegal. It’s so important, they wrote it in English.

“Japanese Dickarican” by Left-Handed Jesus.



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