Discoveries abound as the New Horizons spacecraft flies by Pluto this morning, a mere 12,500 kilometers over the surface of the dwarf planet.

“He kept saying ‘Wait a minute, we have a what!? Why didn’t I know about this?'” explained White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest, “So, I had to explain, using small words, that the U.S. has a space program Mr. President. It was a bit like how he learned about the crisis in Iraq. And all that Fast and Furious stuff. And Hillary’s Emails, The IRS targeting his enemies, the problems at the VA hospitals, and that other thing you haven’t reported just yet. No big deal, just stuff.”

Still, many questions remain about why the President keeps learning about recent events from the media. “Well, he’s a squirrelly guy, but we do try.” explained Earnest. “We make sure no one mentions much of anything near him and things go great for months at a time. But eventually someone leaves a newspaper lying around, or he walks by a TV with the news on…and he picks these things up. We can’t seem to stop it. We just thank God every day that he’s never seen The Drudge Report.”

The White House has released the following statement about this matter: “Let me be clear, yes it’s exciting. But make no mistake, I, uh….um, this news just shows that we have the best press corpse in the world, you guys are, ah, on top of everything, unlike that previous administration. Let me assure NASA that if they like their mission plan, they can keep their mission plan.”