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THE COUNTY of Cork has been strongly advised against getting any ideas as the push for Catalan independence continues apace in Spain.

“Look, you lot are contrary pricks at the best of times, but don’t even think of taking the piss with a march, or some flag waving. It’s Monday, and we all just want to get through the week with the least amount of hassle as possible,” confirmed the rest of the Nation, which went on to state it wouldn’t entertain any of ‘Cork’s auld shite’.

Cork, a region with a unique culture, heritage and dialect, could well look at ongoing events in Spain and use it as a springboard for the beginning of a movement for Cork Independence, because that’s how awkward and difficult folk down there like to be.

“No, no, no, shut up, we’ve enough to be dealing with, don’t act the bollocks,” read a government statement issued directly to every household in Cork this morning.

“We’re just trying to get out ahead of this before they start acting up like we all know they will,” confirmed Minister for Stop That Nonsense Now, Susan Lanagan.

However, despite the warnings, many leading figures in the Cork Independence movement to discuss the most annoying course of action to take in order to irritate the rest of the Nation as much as possible.

A public vote to declare a Republic of Cork could be scheduled for as early as November with the majority of residents set to return a vote of ‘Roy Keane’ or ‘Michael Collins’.