The Port Power Joke and Picture Repository

The place for jokes and pictures about the most pathetic

Australian rules football team in the known universe

Port Power - making history since 1997

Got a joke or a picture? Email it to Port_Pirie_Power@hotmail.com

The jokes just keep coming out of Alberton Oval

First the astounding news yesterday that Port Power has run out of money, then today the SANFL refused to throw good money after bad and support the Power any further, forcing the AFL to throw the beleagured club a lifeline.

But apparently everything's rosy at Alberton Oval, where Port Power was born from the Port Adelaide Magpies in 1997.

Tonight on radio station 3AW in Melbourne, Power president Brett Duncanson was asked what the problem was.

There is no problem, was his reply. Today has been a great day for the footy club.

Great indeed. Broke, bottom of the ladder, no supporters, pathetic crowds and a bleak future. A proud, 15-year history of mediocrity, save a fluke premiership (and hasn't it all been downhill from there).

When the Power joined the league in 1997 they were going to be a powerhouse, pack Football Park every week, win a premiership in fewer years than it took the Crows (don't get me started on that one) and generally be pretty friggin' good.

The dream turned into a nightmare once they started playing with the big boys.

But they reckon moving home games to Adelaide Oval will save the Power. I doubt it.

The funniest joke EVER about Port Power

Remember Monty Python's sketch about the funniest joke in the world? Well, the Monty Python blokes must rue the fact that they weren't around to do a sketch centred around this joke.

Ready? Better prepare yourself. Here goes:

The 'Power' was established in 1870.

Hilarious, huh! Last time I looked the Power began gracing us with their presence in the AFL in 1997.

No wonder all this creed rubbish they carry on with isn't working.

Time to cut the crap and face the facts, guys: Port Power - Established 1997.

There's more history in the making

Congratulations to the Power on being the first club to lose to the Gold Coast Suns, and giving up a 40-point lead. Even the Power coach admits you're the laughing stock. Please, please don't stop, stop stop 

We'll never stop, stop, stop 

There's history here in the making

A club record seven losses in a row. Keep up the great work, guys.

We'll never stop, stop, stop 

2007 grand final tribute to the Power

Relive that glorious day in September over and over





Power heritage guernsey

Separated at birth?

The new, smarter Lexus

A bloke bought a new Lexus but had to take it back to the dealer because he couldn't get the radio to work.

The car salesman explained that the radio was voice activated and demonstrated this brilliant new feature.

Nelson, the salesman said to the radio.

The radio responded Ricky or Willie?

Willie, he told the radio, which immediately burst into On the Road Again

Then the salesman said AC/DC, and in an instant It's a Long Way to the Top replaced the Willie Nelson song.

Understandably, the man drove away very happy with his decision to buy a Lexus.

Billy Joel, he would say, and Piano Man would start playing; Rolling Stones and Jumpin Jack Flash or one of the many other Stones hits would start playing.

Then one day the man was driving along minding his own business and listening to some of his favourite music when a car ran a red light and almost cleaned him up.

F---ing arseholes, he yelled.

And immediately the radio began playing We've got the power to win 

No comment

Bright sparks Who says Power supporters are uneducated fools?

The Advertiser, Adelaide, August 11, 2008. The banner was at Telstra Dome in Melbourne before the

Power handed Carlton its biggest win in seven years.

Jokes And still they come

Q: What do you call one Port supporter on the moon?

A: Unlikely.

Q: Two Port supporters on the moon?

A: Very unlikely.

Q: Every Port supporter on the moon?

A: Problem solved.

Q: What do you call a hot chick in Port Adelaide?

A: A tourist.

Q: Who won the Port Adelaide beauty contest?

A: No one.

Q: What do you call three Port supporters in the sauna?

A: Gorillas in the mist.

Q: What do you call a Port supporter who has had an abortion?

A: Crimestopper

2007 GRAND FINAL The fallout continues

Q: Why did Cinderella run away from the ball?

A: Because she played for Port Adelaide.

2007 GRAND FINAL Priceless!

* Waiting in a queue for six hours to buy a grand final ticket.

* Sacrificing two dole cheques to pay for it.

* $200 of supporters gear (free when shoplifted).

* Risking two years' jail to steal a half-decent car to get you to Melbourne.

* 8 hours travel and $150 petrol (not including what you sniff or what you steal).

* Overnight stay (free on a park bench).

* Return trip another eight hours.

* Grand final result PRICELESS!





2007 GRAND FINAL What the papers said













Sunday Mail, Adelaide, September 30, 2007

2007 GRAND FINAL New Port song

Aint got no Power to win

Can't manage a grin

Boo hoo, Port Adelaide depression

We are the Power from Port

Out our last game was a rort

Now that's true Port Adelaide tradition

We always stop, stop, stop

When we get close to top

There's history here in the making

We're the first team from SA

To lose on Grand Final day

And the first to get a 20 goal baking

We think tradition is strong

We've such a crappy song

We're the Alberton crowd

We're obnoxious and loud

And the heroes are those

Who are on the nose

We wear the prison bars

And teal on our clothes

Can't afford Chardonnay

There's only beer in our fridge

And we sleep each night

Under Birkenhead Bridge

Ain't go no Power to win

But we still pillage and sin

Come on, Port Adelaide submission

We are insipid and weak

Our supporters are freaks

It's true Port Adelaide tradition

We'll never stop, stop, stop

Off to the hydroponics shop

There's misery here in the making

Let's cop this loss on the chin

And climb back into the bin

'Til our dole cheque's there for the taking

POWER!!!

2007 GRAND FINAL Apology from Channel 10

Channel 10 would like to apologise for the programming error on Saturday.

The TV guide said AFL Grand Final but unfortunately they screened Australia's Biggest Losers by mistake.

Once again Channel 10 apologises for the inconvenience.

2007 GRAND FINAL Premiership T-shirt

2007 GRAND FINAL Port Magic Moments

Power2007.pps (Microsoft PowerPoint document)

2007 GRAND FINAL Jokes (apart from the entire Port Adelaide Football Club)

Q: What do you do for a drowning Power player?

A: Nothing. You could drag him to the top, but he'll choke anyway.

Q: What is the difference between Mount Everest and Port Power?

A: Not everyone has walked over Everest

Q: Did you hear Choko Williams has a new media job??

A: He is the new host of Australia's Biggest Losers.

2007 GRAND FINAL Special offer

Typical Port Woman

IQ robot

A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender.

The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, What's your IQ?

The man replies, 150, and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming, factors, quantum physics and spirituality, biomimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nano-technology, and sexual proclivities.

The customer is very impressed and thinks, This is really cool., and decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink.

Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him, What's your IQ?

About a 100, the man responds.

Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time about football, the Bathurst 1000, cricket, supermodels, favourite fast foods, guns, and the like.

Really impressed, the man leaves then walks in again.

What's your IQ? the robot asks.

Er, 50, I think.

And the robot responds, very, very slowly, So, I expect you'll be following Port Adelaide again this year?

Port Adelaide membership test

Solve just one of these perplexing puzzles and you're eligible for membership of the Port Adelaide Football Club! But be warned: these puzzles will really test you.





One-hit wonders

One-hit wonders (Microsoft PowerPoint document. 1.3Mb download.)

Port Adelaide Monopoly

Alberton footwear

A Power supporter is walking down the main street at Alberton wearing one thong. A passerby says, Have you lost a thong, mate? The Power supporter replies, Nah, mate, I found one.

Port Power and the Pope #1

A little boy from Adelaide is in Rome on holiday with his family hoping to see the Pope.

A couple of days after they arrive, the Pope is doing a tour of the city in his Popemobile. The little lad is a bit worried that the Pope won't be able to pick him out in the crowd, so his Mum says Don't worry, the Pope is a footy fan, so wear your Crows jumper and he's bound to pick you out and talk to you.

They're in the crowd waiting anxiously when the Popemobile approaches but drives past them. It stops a bit further down the street where the Pope gets out and speaks to a little boy in a Port 'Power' jumper.

The boy in the Crows jumper is distraught and starts crying. Against her better judgement, his Mum says Don't worry, the Pope's driving around tomorrow as well, so we'll get you a Port jumper and then he's bound to see you.

The next day arrives, and the boy's got on his new Port jumper.

The Popemobile drives straight up to him. The Pope gets out of the Popemobile, shuffles up to the boy, bends over to him and says, I thought I told you to fuck off yesterday.

More jokes

A: Whats the difference between a cactus and the Port Adelaide clubroom?

A: A cactus has pricks on the outside.

You know you're a Port supporter if your baby's first words were, Attention, Kmart shoppers.

The truck driver and the priest

A truck driver is driving down the highway when he sees a priest hitch-hiking. He stops to pick up the priest, but he has a few misgivings about giving him a ride as usually when the driver sees a Port Adelaide supporter on the he runs them over. But with a priest in the truck, he wouldn't be able to carry out his favourite pastime.

But being a good bloke, the truck driver decides to pick up the priest and forgo his fun for this one trip.

Just after the priest jumps into the cab they come across a Port supporter hitchhiking.

The diver decides to swerve to avoid the Power supporter but hears a buge BOOM!

The driver looks over at the priest, who says, Don't worry - I got him with the door.

The brothers Jaidyn

A Port Adelaide supporter went down to Centrelink to claim welfare after realising she was the only one of her friends - who were all Power supporter - who was not on benefits.

How many children do you have? the man at Centrelink asked.

Ten, she replied.

What are their names?

Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn and Jaidyn, she replied.

They're all named Jaidyn? he asked What if you want them to come in from playing outside?

Oh, that's easy, she said. I just call 'Jaidyn,' and they all come running in.

And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?

I just say, 'Jaidyn, come eat your dinner', she answered.

But what if you just want ONE of them to do something? he asked.

Oh, that's easy, she said. I just use their last name.

Port Adelaide honeymoon

A Port Power couple gets married and are on their honeymoon.

The woman changes into a sexy outfit and lies on the bed. She looks sheepishly up at her new hubby and whispers, Please be gentle with me. I'm a virgin.

The man gets up screaming, grabs his trousers and runs home to tell his father, who comforts him by saying, Now, now. It'll be okay, son. If she wasn't good enough for her own family, then she isn't good enough for ours.

Port Adelaide vasectomy

After having her 11th child to 11 different fathers, a Port Adelaide woman decided that she'd had enough and didn't want another child with her current partner. So she sent her husband to the doctor. The man told the doctor that his girlfriend didn't want to have any more children, even though the Centrelink payments were fantastic.

The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem, but it was expensive.

But the doctor said that a less costly alternative would be for the man to go home, get a firework, light it, put it in a West End beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

Bloody hell. I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me, the boyfriend said.

Trust me, it will do the job, said the doctor.

So the Port Power supporter went home, and the very next morning straight after breakfast, he grabbed one of the cans from the slab of West End that he, the wife and the kids had just demolished. He lit a banger and put it in the can then held the can up to his ear and began to count: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,, at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.

Jokes

A: Why do Port Adelaide fans stink?

A: So blind people can hate them, too.

A: What's got 100 legs and 4 teeth?

A: The front row of the Port Adelaide cheer squad.

A: If you see a Port Adelaide fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?

A: It might be your bike.

A: What do you call a Port Adelaide fan in a Mercedes?

A: A thief.

A: What is your wife trying to tell you if she's wearing a Port Adelaide shirt to bed?

A: You ain't going to score.

Coming to The Port

Power coach Mark Williams gets wind of a potential new young recruit who lives in Iraq. Williams and the Power recruiting manager jump on a plane to war-torn Baghdad and track the young boy down.

They risk life and limb dodging bombs, bullets and grenades but finally find him and convince him to come to Australia.

The boy does a full pre-season, plays all the practice matches and gets picked on the bench in the seniors for the first game of the year.

Ten minutes into the first quarter, Chad Cornes goes down with a severe knee injury. Mark Williams turns to the boy and says, This is it son, go to centre half-forward and show us what you can do.

The boy proceeds to play the greatest debut game in AFL history. He kicks nine goals, takes mark of the year and kicks the winning goal after the siren from outside 50.

The Power players chair him off the ground and give him three cheers back in the rooms. Mark Williams tells the team what the boy from Iraq has been through and that he is a model lesson for all.

Choko, as Williams is affectionately known by the scum supporters, then pulls the boy aside and says,

Son, go into my office, ring your mother and tell her what you did today.

So he heads off to the office and dials. Mum, he says, Guess what I did today?

I don't care what you did today, his mother replies. I tell you what happened here today. Your Dad was stabbed and robbed, our house torched, our car blown up, your sister raped and your brother abducted.

Gee, says the boy, I feel a bit responsible for what happened. The Mother replies, So you should be. If it wasn't for you we would never have shifted to Port Adelaide.

Football wives

Three women with footy-fan husbands are discussing their relationships.

The first says, My husband follows the Lions and let me tell you our sex life is like one premiership after another.

The second says, My husband is a Crows man and every night is like the back-to-back victories of 1997 and '98.

They then look at their friend, who hasn't yet said a thing.

Whats wrong, they say as their friend starts sobbing. Well, she says hesitantly, my husband supports the 'Power', and all he does is sit on the end of the bed and tell me how wonderful it's going to be.

2003 First Qualifying Final  Sydney 15.10 (100) d Port Adelaide 13.10 (88)

You know you're from Port Adelaide when

A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does. You let your 12-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. Jack Daniels makes your list of most admired people. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. Someone in your family once died right after saying: Hey, watch this. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. A ceiling fan once ruined your wife's hairdo. You think the last words of Advance Australia Fair are: Carn the Power. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded, right off its wheels. The market value of your car goes up and down, depending on how much petrol is in it. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. One of your kids was born on a pool table. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it. You think loaded dishwasher means your wife is drunk. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. Your front verandah collapses and kills more than five dogs.

Amazing new washing detergent

Who's your daddy?

Port Power is second on the ladder again after losing the last three Grand Finals to the Crows, and they simply cannot beat them.

Mark Williams is worried and starts to fret (as he does) and so he calls Malcolm Blight and gets himself invited to a Crows training session.

Chocko watches proceedings but cannot find the secret weapon.

So Williams asks Blight what the difference between the two teams is.

Blight replies: Chocko, it's just that our players are a more intelligent breed.

They can put their brilliant minds to work on the field. I will give you an example.

Blight calls over Nigel Smart and asks him a question: A person is your father's son, but it's not your brother. Who is it?

Smart thinks for a second and then replies, It's me!.

Thereupon Blight turns to a smiling and nodding Williams and says, You see.

Williams drives back to Alberton and straight to his training session.

He calls over Gavin Wanganeen.

Gavin, answer me this question: 'A person is your father's son but it is not your brother, who is it?'

Gavin stands there floundering and finally gives up. Dunno, Chocko.

Williams is disappointed but does not want to give up.

Gavin, you have a night to think about it. Come and tell me the answer tomorrow.

Wanganeen goes away and thinks as hard as he can, all to no avail. So he calls in his teammates.

Peter Burgoyne thought it might be his Grandpa but wasn't sure.

Shaun Burgoyne was certain that it couldn't be anyone.

Darryl Wakelin admitted he was sacked from St Kilda for not knowing.

Josh Francou also owned up to failing the test while trying to get a kick with another club.

Domenic Cassisi thought it would be an uncle in Italy who had been adopted as a child.

The rest of the team wouldn't even hazard a guess.

Warren Tredrea went into the foetal position.

Wanganeen drives home in his Monaro and asks his wife the same question, but of course does not get an answer.

So he is sitting in his living room mulling over the question when he decides to call his friend Brett Chalmers (who has played for the Crows).

Hi Brett, answer this question: A person is your father's son but it's not your brother, who is it?

Brett asks for time to think about it and calls him back two hours later and says It's me!

Wanganeen says Oh yeah, of course!

Next day at training Williams approaches a smiling Wanganeen and asks him, So, Gavin, a person is your fathers son but it's not your brother, who is it?

It's Brett Chalmers! declares Wanganeen.

No you idiot, says Chocko, it's Nigel Smart!





Jesus and the Power supporter

The waitress nodded yes, so he told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.

The next patron to come in was a West Coast Eagles supporter with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, Is that Jesus over there?

The waitress nodded, so he said, Give Jesus a cup of hot tea, my treat.

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Power supporter on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, Hey there, chick, how's about gettin' me a cold glass of Coke!

He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, Is that God's kid over there? The waitress nodded, so he said to give Jesus a cold glass of coke, on his bill.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Crows supporter, touched him and said, For your kindness, you are healed.

The man felt the strength come back into his legs, then got up and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus also passed by the Eagles supporter, touched him and said, For your kindness, you are healed.

The Eagles supporter felt his back straightening, and he raised up his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of backflips out the door.

Then Jesus walked towards the Port supporter. The guy jumped up and yelled, Don't touch me! I'm on disability pension!



Power toilet paper

An impartial view of Port Power and their supporters