Seventeen teams within two games of .500, one direction or the other, make the rankings a delicate and exact science. We apologize ahead of time for the dart perforations.

The rankings (records through Wednesday's games):

Texas More

1. Texas Rangers (10-2; Previous: 4) – Ron Washington stands and demands of reporter: "Look at my knees. You see them shaking?" Reporter gently weeps.





Detroit More

2. Detroit Tigers (9-3; Previous: 5) – Justin Verlander throws 131 pitches on April 16, triggering debate: Does Jim Leyland understand what "tax day" means?







Washington More

3. Washington Nationals (10-3; Previous: 14) – Given best pitching staff over first two weeks, team goes from Gnats to Knats.







St. Louis More

4. St. Louis Cardinals (9-3; Previous: 16) – Missouri Supreme Court decision goes against Mike Matheny business interests. Manager secretly believes legal precedent should be correctable through instant replay.







Los Angeles More

5. Los Angeles Dodgers (9-3; Previous: 17) – Matt Kemp makes no secret of desire to win NL MVP, figures sweeping every NL player of week award might get him closer to Ryan Braun.







Toronto More

6. Toronto Blue Jays (6-5; Previous: 9) – Sergio Santos blows first two save opportunities. John Farrell advises him to have a short memory. Santos' presumed response: "Who are you again?"







Arizona More

7. Arizona Diamondbacks (7-5; Previous: 11) – With Justin Upton, Chris Young and Stephen Drew out with injuries, Kirk Gibson shows empathy by breaking own arm.







Atlanta More

8. Atlanta Braves (7-5; Previous: 15) – Chipper Jones, to be honored at Citi Field, says it's not necessary, as Mets pitchers have done enough for him already.







New York More

9. New York Yankees (6-6; Previous: 3) – Yanks to help celebrate 100 years of Fenway Park. By "celebrate" mean "play cards in clubhouse" and "stare dolefully at clock."







Tampa Bay More

10. Tampa Bay Rays (6-6; Previous: 1) – Rays' defense shifts so often Joe Maddon purchases extended warranty for clutch.







San Francisco More

11. San Francisco Giants (6-6; Previous: 12) – Brian Wilson to have second Tommy John surgery. One more and the next one is free.







Cleveland More

12. Cleveland Indians (5-5; Previous: 18) – Indians mount wind turbine atop stadium. Calibrate it toward Ozzie Guillen's house.







New York More

13. New York Mets (7-5; Previous: 24) – Mets win seven of first 12 games; New Yorkers fear Mr. Met's head is getting too big.







Los Angeles More

14. Los Angeles Angels (4-8; Previous: 2) – Mike Scioscia will not play Mike Trumbo defensively until Trumbo is at least as good at third base as Mike Napoli was at catcher.







Philadelphia More

15. Philadelphia Phillies (5-7; Previous: 7) – Strange, Rays fans thought Pat Burrell already had retired as a Phillie.







Baltimore More

16. Baltimore Orioles (7-5; Previous: 29) – O's rise from 29 to 16, actually pause at 21 to decompress.







Milwaukee More

17. Milwaukee Brewers (6-6; Previous: 8) – Yeah, the Brewers miss Prince Fielder for his bat. But, more, for the potholders he'd crochet for the wives every Christmas.







Florida More

18. Miami Marlins (6-6; Previous: 10) – Miami-area Cubans admit you have to love and respect Ozzie Guillen for still being in that job.







Boston More

19. Boston Red Sox (4-8; Previous: 6) – Kevin Youkilis down with injury; Bobby V believed Youk's groin was not as emotionally into it as in past.







Colorado More

20. Colorado Rockies (6-6; Previous: 19) – Jamie Moyer becomes oldest pitcher to win a major-league game. Also boasts impressive ERA, WHIP and AARP.







Chicago More

Story continues