Total Film published its list of the 100 Greatest Female Characters. As everyone knows, these Best Ever lists tend to have the pretty obvious problem of not being able to include everyone and, therefore, not being able to please everyone. But we here at Bitch Flicks found this particular list more problematic than usual. For a variety of reasons. Before we discuss the WTF-FAIL of this, check out the list below and/or scroll through the Total Film (especially if you’re interested in their use of sexist language and images).

This past Monday,published its list of the 100 Greatest Female Characters. As everyone knows, these Best Ever lists tend to have the pretty obvious problem of not being able toeveryone and, therefore, not being able toeveryone. But we here atfound this particular list more problematic than usual. For a variety of reasons. Before we discuss the WTF-FAIL of this, check out the list below and/or scroll through the photo-list at(especially if you’re interested in their use of sexist language and images).

100. Baby from Dirty Dancing, played by Jennifer Grey

99. Cherry Darling from Planet Terror, played by Rose McGowan

98. Vivian Ward from Pretty Woman, played by Julia Roberts

97. Samantha Baker from Sixteen Candles, played by Molly Ringwald

96. Stifler’s Mom from American Pie, played by Jennifer Coolidge

95. Layla from Buffalo ’66, played by Christina Ricci

94. Marquise de Merteuil from Dangerous Liaisons, played by Glenn Close

93. Karen Silkwood from Silkwood, played by Meryl Streep

92. Marnie Edgar from Marnie, played by Tippi Hedren

91. Briony Tallis from Atonement, played by Saoirse Ronan

90. Gertie from E.T. The Extra Terrestrial, played by Drew Barrymore

89. Mrs. Danvers from Rebecca, played by Judith Anderson

88. Jean Brodie from The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie, played by Maggie Smith

87. Malena Scordia from Malena, played by Monica Bellucci

86. Audrey 2 from Little Shop of Horrors, voiced by Levi Stubbs

85. Gilda Mundson Farrell from Gilda, played by Rita Hayworth

84. Matty Walker from Body Heat, played by Kathleen Turner

83. Annie Savoy from Bull Durham, played by Susan Sarandon

82. Severine Serizy from Belle Du Jour, played by Catherine Deneuve

81. Gloria Swenson from Gloria, played by Gena Rowlands

80. Catherine Tramell from Basic Instinct, played by Sharon Stone

79. Phyllis Dietrichson from Double Indemnity, played by Barbara Stanwyck

78. Bess McNeill from Breaking the Waves, played by Emily Watson

77. Thelma Dickinson from Thelma and Louise, played by Geena Davis

76. Alabama Whitman from True Romance, played by Patricia Arquette

75. Coraline from Coraline, voiced by Dakota Fanning

74. Annie Porter from Speed, played by Sandra Bullock

73. Kate “Ma” Barker from Bloody Mama, played by Shelley Winters

72. Marge Gunderson from Fargo, played by Frances McDormand

71. Elisabet Vogler from Persona, played by Liv Ullmann

70. Sally Albright from When Harry Met Sally, played by Meg Ryan

69. Bonnie Parker from Bonnie and Clyde, played by Faye Dunaway

68. Ada McGrath from The Piano, played by Holly Hunter

67. Soshanna Dreyfus from Inglourious Basterds, played by Melanie Laurent

66. Alice Hyatt from Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore, played by Ellen Burstyn

65. Lee Holloway from Secretary, played by Maggie Gyllenhaal

64. Barbarella from Barbarella, played by Jane Fonda

63. Annie Wilkes from Misery, played by Kathy Bates

62. Sylvia from La Dolce Vita, played by Anika Ekberg

61. Regan MacNeil from The Exorcist, played by Linda Blair

60. Mary Poppins from Mary Poppins, played by Julie Andrews

59. Mildred Pierce from Mildred Pierce, played by Joan Crawford

58. Margo Channing from All About Eve, played by Bette Davis

57. Adrian Pennino Balboa from Rocky, played by Talia Shire

56. Nikita from La Femme Nikita, played by Anne Parillaud

55. “Baby” Jane Hudson from Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?, played by Bette Davis

54. Summer Finn from 500 Days of Summer, played by Zooey Deschanel

53. Judy Barton/Madeleine Elster from Vertigo, played by Kim Novak

52. Debby Marsh from The Big Heat, played by Gloria Grahame

51. Amelie from Amelie, played by Audrey Tautou

50. Jessie from Toy Story 2, voiced by Joan Cusack

49. Nurse Ratched from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, played by Louise Fletcher

48. Alex Forrest from Fatal Attraction, played by Glenn Close

47. Evelyn Mulwray from Chinatown, played by Faye Dunaway

46. Blanche Dubois from A Streetcar Named Desire, played by Vivien Leigh

45. Paikea Apirana from Whale Rider, played by Keisha Castle-Hughes

44. Charlotte from Lost In Translation, played by Scarlett Johansen

43. Ofelia from Pan’s Labyrinth, played by Ivan Baquero

42. Margot Tenenbaum from The Royal Tenenbaums, played by Gwyneth Paltrow

41. Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany’s, played by Audrey Hepburn

40. Mindy “Hit Girl” Macready from Kick-Ass, played by Chloe Moretz

39. Chihiro Ogino from Spirited Away, voiced by Rumi Hiragi

38. Mia Williams from Fish Tank, played by Katie Jarvis

37. Jessica Rabbit from Who Framed Roger Rabbit, voiced by Kathleen Turner

36. Older Daughter from Dogtooth, played by Aggeliki Papoulia

35. Ursa from Superman II, played by Sarah Douglas

34. Ann Darrow from King Kong, played by Fay Wray

33. Betty Elms/Diane Selwyn from Mulholland Dr., played by Naomi Watts

32. Scarlett O’Hara from Gone With the Wind, played by Vivien Leigh

31. Coffy from Coffy, played by Pam Grier

30. Kym from Rachel Getting Married, played by Anne Hathaway

29. Trinity from The Matrix, played by Carrie-Anne Moss

28. Lady from Lady and the Tramp, voiced by Barbara Luddy

27. Louise Sawyer from Thelma and Louise, played by Susan Sarandon

26. Nina Sayers from Black Swan, played by Natalie Portman

25. Enid from Ghost World, played by Thora Birch

24. Rosemary Woodhouse from Rosemary’s Baby, played by Mia Farrow

23. Mrs. Robinson from The Graduate, played by Anne Bancroft

22. Dory from Finding Nemo, voiced by Ellen Degeneres

21. Veronica Sawyer from Heathers, played by Winona Ryder

20. Mia Wallace from Pulp Fiction, played by Uma Thurman

19. Clarice Starling from The Silence of the Lambs, played by Jodie Foster

18. Laurie Strode from Halloween, played by Jamie Lee Curtis

17. Carrie White from Carrie, played by Sissy Spacek

16. Bridget Gregory from The Last Seduction, played by Linda Fiorentino

15. Catwoman from Batman Returns, played by Michelle Pfeiffer

14. Matilda from The Professional, played by Natalie Portman

13. Lisbeth Salander from The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, played by Noomi Rapace

12. Jackie Brown from Jackie Brown, played by Pam Grier

11. Eli from Let the Right One In, played by Lina Leandersson

10. Sugar Kane Kowalczyk from Some Like It Hot, played by Marilyn Monroe

9. Hildy Johnson from His Girl Friday, played by Rosalind Russell

8. The Bride from Kill Bill, played by Uma Thurman

7. Hermione Granger from Harry Potter, played by Emma Watson

6. Dorothy Gale from The Wizard of Oz, played by Judy Garland

5. Princess Leia Organa from Star Wars, played by Carrie Fisher

4. Clementine Kruczynski from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, played by Kate Winslet

3. Sarah Connor from The Terminator, played by Linda Hamilton

2. Annie Hall from Annie Hall, played by Diane Keaton

1. Ellen Ripley from Alien, played by Sigourney Weaver

Well. Let’s discuss the most ridiculous, WTF-FAIL elements of this list.

1. 7% of the 100 Greatest Female Characters are–wait for it–not human. We’ve got Audrey 2 the plant; Coraline the cartoon girl; Jessie the cartoon cowgirl; Chihiro Ogino the cartoon girl; Jessica Rabbit the (sexy) cartoon rabbit; Lady the dog; and Dory the fish. And only three of these seven Greatest Female Characters are even animated humans. The rest are animals. And one, the plant, is voiced by a man.

2. Only 5% of the 100 Greatest Female Characters were directed by women, and that includes a co-director credit (Andy and Lana Wachowski) for The Matrix. The other woman-directed films include Andrea Arnold’s Fish Tank, Jane Campion’s The Piano, Niki Caro’s Whale Rider, and Sofia Coppola’s Lost in Translation. Maybe I shouldn’t be so appalled by this statistic, considering how difficult it is for women directors to get their films made in general. But seriously, 5%?

3. What’s up with all the children and teenagers on this list? Am I really supposed to believe that, in the history of film, 20% of the Greatest Female Characters were younger than twenty? I know ageism in Hollywood is bad, but that doesn’t mean amazing women characters over forty don’t exist. And I mean in addition to Stifler’s Mom (MILF!) from American Pie, who Total Film so graciously remembered to include. Just sayin,’ list compilers, if you were really hard-pressed, you could’ve checked to see if any women of color have ever acted in films.

4. Why is this list so fucking white? I’m not familiar with every movie or every movie character on the list, but I know I’m having a hard time finding nonwhite women. Pam Grier’s two blaxploitation characters, Jackie Brown and Coffy, jump out right away, and I’m fairly confident that’s not a good thing. Is Pam Grier the only black actress the Total Film list compilers are familiar with? Because, I mean, off the top of my head I’ve got: Whoopi Goldberg in The Color Purple, Queen Latifah in Chicago, Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls, Angela Bassett in What’s Love Got to Do With It?, Halle Berry in anything …

5. You know what’s also interesting about those characters I just listed? None of them is completely deranged (Mrs. Danvers, Annie Wilkes, Alex Forrest.) Or a prostitute (Vivian Ward, Severine Serizy, Alabama Whitman.) Or a Fighting Fuck Toy (Barbarella, Catwoman, Cherry Darling.) Or a seductress (Marquise de Merteuil, Matty Walker, Annie Savoy.) And I’m not even suggesting that prostitutes and deranged women and seductresses and fighting fuck toys (okay, maybe them) are all necessarily terrible characters. But many of these characters, and the films they inhabit, have been deemed antifeminist as fuck.

The Double R Diner for a much more in-depth analysis, including a look at the many characters who are victims of violence and sexual assault. Basically, compiling a slew of antifeminist characters from antifeminist films and putting them on a list called The 100 Greatest Female Characters–while ironic–is kind of unacceptable. I’ve only barely grazed the surface of this nonsense. If you want to see some really messed up statistics surrounding this list, check outfor a much more in-depth analysis, including a look at the many characters who are victims of violence and sexual assault.

So, readers, what female characters would you include on a list of the 100 Greatest?