Welcome back to another super-awesome weekly Goob News! I’m your host, Alex Gross, inviting you to come on this fantastic journey with me every week into the realm of the magically autistic. And what a week it was!

We’ve got Burger King’s Brand New MAYOnator, Tommy runs afoul of a North Carolina Denny’s, and JXC Studios releases the full version of The Book of Love on Google Docs.

First thing’s first: TommyNC2010 has been on a diet, and we all support him…blessings and peace…blah blah blah. But it’s become increasingly clear that this faux diet is just to drum up support and he is in no way sticking to a meal or exercise regimen. In this video, our dear, sweet Tommy has a fit about Denny’s putting him on hold for an hour for a pick-up order of a BURGER (read: not healthy) on his lunch break at work.

The only saving grace of this entire trip is that he managed to burn some calories walking to Denny’s to pick up (or not pick up) his food. He throws a fit, which he immediately regrets doing on camera, of course. Then resigns himself to a “healthy” meal at Taco Bell. All of the while, I’m watching this, thinking…”at least he’s walking…”

Then I realize the distance between his place of employment, Ingles Markets, and the food stops. I give you, Exhibit A: The Tommy Zone.

He also mentions at one point that he walked “all the way from the Pizza Hut” which suggests…that he maybe had a pre-lunch meal there? I’m clueless. But I tried to find the nearest Pizza Hut and found this, Exhibit B: The 9-Minute Walk.

But watch the video, and judge for yourselves. Because this investigation is far from over.

More importantly, watch him LOSE IT on an innocent Denny’s employee who has no fucking clue what he’s talking about and then tells him to “have a good day.”

In addition to his rant about proper “customer service” and making excuses about not being able to go to the gym because of his part time job, Tommy finds time to go to another restaurant!

Tommy attends “Free Pie (read: not healthy) Wednesday” at O’Charley’s Restaurant and Bar where he indulges in a steak and mashed potatoes absolutely slathered in gravy…with a barely-touched salad on the side.

It’s important to recognize, when following the daily goings-on of TommyNC2010, that this is a “multimedia” experience. You get to follow him on his videos, see photos of what he’s eating via Instagram, witness live behind-the-scenes takes on Facebook, and map out his little North Carolina world via Google. Go on your funktaculis own Tommy Adventure today!

Next up, we’ve got another little story to tell about our good friend, John (TheReportOfTheWeek). Last week, Review Brah took a bite outta slime with his review of the new Burger King Bacon King Sandwich.

To his dismay, it was over-loaded with mayonnaise; almost triggering the moment we’ve all been waiting for: The Messy Suit Meltdown. We narrowly avoided the inevitable autistic fit…but little did we know that this little mishap would sit with TheReportoftheWeek for several days, culminating in an epic pitch to the higher-up’s at Burger King.

There is only one thing left to do: create the MayoNator.

And finally–perhaps my NEW FAVORITE SHORT MOVIE, The Book of Love, has been released in its entirety onto Google Docs by JXC Studios.

There is so much to say about it that I hesitate to put it onto words…just follow the link HERE. And see the trailer below!

That’s all we’ve got for you today, my precious little snowflakes! See you next time!

—X