

Courtesy of Postcards

William Shatner Kidney Stone Sale Inspires Trend

By J.D. Greene (with additional reporting by Phil Maggitti)

HOLLYWOOD - William Shatner, beloved captain of the starship U.S.S. Enterprise, has boldly gone where no man has gone before. Mr. Shatner announced Tuesday that he had sold a kidney stone to GoldenPalace.com, an online casino, for $25,000. Mr. Shatner donated the money to Habitat for Humanity, which builds houses for the needy.



The kidney stone, which Mr. Shatner passed in October, is said to be larger than a dilithium crystal, the fuel that powers the Enterprise. The stone was sold with the surgical stint and string used to beam it down.



"This will be the first Habitat for Humanity house built out of stone," joked Darren Julien, president of Los Angeles-based Julien's Auctions, which handled the sale.



The dramatic passing of the Shatner Stone was described by its creator on the GoldenPalace.com website. After he had been rushed to the hospital at warp speed, Mr. Shatner was placed on a gurney.



"It was a gurney for pregnant women," said Mr. Shatner. "They're wheeling me through the hospital—my legs are in the stirrups and I'm screaming—and somebody says, 'Look, there goes Captain Kirk. He's having a baby!' Very, very embarrassing."



"They're definitely getting their money's worth out of that thing; it was huge," Mr. Shatner said Tuesday. "You could literally wear it on your finger. If you subjected it to extreme heat, it might turn out to be a diamond."



The sale of the Shatner Stone has given the actor ideas for other novel fundraising auctions.



"If someone will pay that much for a kidney stone, imagine what they'd pay for a hemorrhoid?" he laughed. "I mean it's no skin off my ass, and the profits do go to a good cause."



Unless he's already sitting on a gold mine, Mr. Shatner had better get his ass in gear or risk being beaten to the charitable punch. The Los Angeles Times has already received half a dozen press releases from Hollywood agents announcing the availability of up-close-and-personal items harvested from celebrities.



Cameron Diaz is willing to auction off a wart that was recently removed from "a very private part" of her body. Courtney Love has a urine sample she hopes to donate. Tara Reid has coughed up a 32-gram carrot chunk, the product of a spirited bout of projectile vomiting. Paris Hilton is offering a 10-gram thatch of body hair (in its own designer bag) that was collected during a bikini waxing session. Nicole Richie wants to donate a three-segment, deactivated string of her tapeworm. Angelina Jolie, who plans to eat her baby's placenta in an arcane peace ritual, has agreed to donate a portion of the placenta to charity.



"Trible see, trible do," laughed Mr. Shatner. "At the end of the day I'm still the only celebrity with his own certified personality disorder:



In other news, New Orleans mayor, Ray Nagin, has been warned by lawyers representing Hershey, Pennsylvania, also known as Chocolate Town, US, that he will face "serious legal consequences" if he persists in referring to New Orleans as "a chocolate city."



HOLLYWOOD - William Shatner, beloved captain of the starship U.S.S., has boldly gone where no man has gone before. Mr. Shatner announced Tuesday that he had sold a kidney stone to GoldenPalace.com, an online casino, for $25,000. Mr. Shatner donated the money to Habitat for Humanity, which builds houses for the needy.The kidney stone, which Mr. Shatner passed in October, is said to be larger than a dilithium crystal, the fuel that powers the. The stone was sold with the surgical stint and string used to beam it down."This will be the first Habitat for Humanity house built out of stone," joked Darren Julien, president of Los Angeles-based Julien's Auctions, which handled the sale.The dramatic passing of the Shatner Stone was described by its creator on the GoldenPalace.com website. After he had been rushed to the hospital at warp speed, Mr. Shatner was placed on a gurney."It was a gurney for pregnant women," said Mr. Shatner. "They're wheeling me through the hospital—my legs are in the stirrups and I'm screaming—and somebody says, 'Look, there goes Captain Kirk. He's having a baby!' Very, very embarrassing.""They're definitely getting their money's worth out of that thing; it was huge," Mr. Shatner said Tuesday. "You could literally wear it on your finger. If you subjected it to extreme heat, it might turn out to be a diamond."The sale of the Shatner Stone has given the actor ideas for other novel fundraising auctions."If someone will pay that much for a kidney stone, imagine what they'd pay for a hemorrhoid?" he laughed. "I mean it's no skin off my ass, and the profits do go to a good cause."Unless he's already sitting on a gold mine, Mr. Shatner had better get his ass in gear or risk being beaten to the charitable punch. Thehas already received half a dozen press releases from Hollywood agents announcing the availability of up-close-and-personal items harvested from celebrities.Cameron Diaz is willing to auction off a wart that was recently removed from "a very private part" of her body. Courtney Love has a urine sample she hopes to donate. Tara Reid has coughed up a 32-gram carrot chunk, the product of a spirited bout of projectile vomiting. Paris Hilton is offering a 10-gram thatch of body hair (in its own designer bag) that was collected during a bikini waxing session. Nicole Richie wants to donate a three-segment, deactivated string of her tapeworm. Angelina Jolie, who plans to eat her baby's placenta in an arcane peace ritual, has agreed to donate a portion of the placenta to charity."Trible see, trible do," laughed Mr. Shatner. "At the end of the day I'm still the only celebrity with his own certified personality disorder: Epiomnistic Shatnerism ."In other news, New Orleans mayor, Ray Nagin, has been warned by lawyers representing Hershey, Pennsylvania, also known as Chocolate Town, US, that he will face "serious legal consequences" if he persists in referring to New Orleans as "a chocolate city." ©The fine print: the editorial content on this page is fictional. Be advised to believe half of what you see and nothing of what you read. You must have a mental age no greater than eighteen to enjoy this shite.

