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Well, this is exciting! I hope in the story of David and Goliath I get to kill that uncircumcised Philistine*, lay waste to his army after they surrender* and then bask in the sweet glory of receiving an unwilling woman as my prize*.

* Apparently having foreskin makes you evil.

1Sam 17:26 NIV— “…Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God?"

* The Philistine champion, Goliath, states that if the servants of Saul send out a champion who can defeat him, they will become their servants. Then after Goliath is dead David and his buddies chase them down, kill them and then plunder their camp.

Choose a man and have him come down to me. 9 If he is able to fight and kill me, we will become your subjects; but if I overcome him and kill him, you will become our subjects and serve us.



1Sam 17:52-1Sam 17:53 NIV—Then the men of Israel and Judah surged forward with a shout and pursued the Philistines to the entrance of Gath and to the gates of Ekron. Their dead were strewn along the Shaaraim road to Gath and Ekron. When the Israelites returned from chasing the Philistines, they plundered their camp.

* General consensus in the Israelite army is that if David kills Goliath then the King will grant a tax exemption to David… Oh, and the King’s daughter.

The king will give great wealth to the man who kills him. He will also give him his daughter in marriage and will exempt his family from taxes in Israel.

I just hope that I don’t have to lug Golith’s bloody head around. When I stop by Saul’s place to pick up his daughter I don’t want the first thing she smells to be decaying Philistine cranium.