Many in the regional Victorian town in which the cardinal grew up stand by their local hero despite guilty verdicts

'Love him or loathe him, Pell's always been a son of Ballarat'

“The die-hard Catholics still live in denial,” says Andrew Collins, the public face of clergy abuse in Ballarat. The church remains an imposing force in the gold rush town where Cardinal George Pell grew up.

“Love him or loathe him, he has always been a son of Ballarat, and people were proud of his rise to become one of the most powerful men in the world.

“Sadly, many … will defend the church until they die. They value the institution more than the message. They are so out of step with what Jesus taught. Survivors have had to endure abuse from people who see them as enemies.”

Collins grew up in the regional Victorian town in the 1960s and was abused at a Catholic high school and state primary school. He doesn’t think survivors will take much solace from Pell’s child sexual abuse convictions. “It’s a sad day for Ballarat,” he says.

There had been immense pride in the town of more than 100,000 people that Pell had become Australia’s most senior Catholic and climbed the ranks at the Vatican, he says.

Our tiny bodies were used, abused and cast away Andrew Collins

A court suppression order was lifted on Tuesday allowing the media to report Pell had been found guilty on five charges of sexually abusing two choir boys in Melbourne in 1996, within months of his inauguration as archbishop.

Collins wants the focus to shift from the Pell frenzy to helping survivors recover.

“I’m back to weekly psychiatrist and psychologist sessions,” he said. “I’m on and off suicide watch constantly. Nobody cares.

“As children our tiny bodies were used, abused and cast away. Our minds were screwed up and nobody believed us. Now we are broken adults and those who speak up are called friends of the devil by the pope.”

‘We knew we were being hunted’

As Pell’s lawyers withdrew a bail application and his sentencing hearing was under way in Melbourne on Wednesday, an estimated 80 parishioners turned out for midday mass at St Patrick’s cathedral on Ballarat’s main street. It was a higher turnout than usual, some churchgoers said.

Golden light streamed through the arched leadlight windows and the echoed words of the Lord’s prayer bounced off the wooden rafters.

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“I’ve known him for many, many years, over 50 years … I don’t ever believe that George would have done anything like that,” one Ballarat grandmother, who asked not to be named, told the Guardian.

Life-long Ballarat resident Edda Clark says the conviction was “outrageous”.

“They hate him. They just hate him. To me people are just out to get him. I feel he’s the person who has to take the blame for all the sexual abuse that happened in Australia. That’s on his shoulders.”

A royal commission hearing in 2015 was told up to 14 priests in Ballarat had sexually abused children and there have been at least 130 claims and substantiated complaints since 1980.

Survivor groups estimate more than 50 suicides are linked to historic sexual abuse by priests.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Paul Auchettl: ‘We thought he was an enabler, then we thought he was a denier, and now we know he’s an offender.’ Photograph: Lisa Martin/The Guardian

Paul Auchettl, 60, who attended St Alipius primary school, was molested by his year six teacher, the notorious paedophile Christian Brother Robert Best. Best is likely to die in jail. Auchettl’s younger brother Peter was also abused and committed suicide 10 years ago.

“We knew we were being hunted,” Auchettl says.

Auchettl was one of 15 survivors who travelled to Rome on a $200,000 crowd-funded trip to see Pell give evidence to the royal commission via video link.

“We thought he was an enabler, then we thought he was a denier, and now we know he’s an offender,” he says.

The anger in Ballarat is palpable, he says, and the verdict clashes with the belief systems of many.

“My parents feel bad for fluffing around him and adoring him,” he says. “So do many people in the community. They feel like they have been totally conned.

“We’ve never seen a prince of the church fall like this. He’s a product from here. It’s like with celebrities they are almost untouchable. You’re not allowed to say a bad thing about them.”

He believes Ballarat must brace for a second wave of difficult untold abuse stories to come out.

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“I know many children and young adults [who were abused, went on to] offend against their sisters, their wives and sometimes even their daughters,” he says.

“I’m hoping we can get to that next layer. This is the flow-on, the ripple effect. It’s going to be hard for women to tell those stories.”

For Lou Ridsdale, a dark cloud looms over the town regardless of Pell’s conviction.

Her uncle, the paedophile priest Gerarld Ridsdale, lived with Pell in a parish house in 1973, and abused up to nine of her cousins and scores of other children in Ballarat in the 1960s to the 80s. In 1993 Pell famously accompanied Ridsdale to his appearance at Melbourne magistrates’ court.

“You only have to throw a stone in any direction and you’ll encounter someone associated with clergy abuse in this town,” Lou says.

And it’s not only victims who are hurting.

“You have many instances where parents of survivors feel eternal guilt for what happened to their children, either because they didn’t believe their children when they were told, or suspected but never said anything, or simply did not know,” she says.

Some parents of survivors feel eternal guilt for what happened to their children Lou Ridsdale

“Then there are the children of survivors who often [but not always] are neglected as their parents are grappling with such profound trauma they are understandably unable to care for themselves let alone their kids.”

That generational poverty has been something Lou has tried to address through a community garden project called Food is Free. She also supports the Loud Fence movement that Maureen Hatcher started in which people tie colourful ribbons around fences of Catholic schools and churches.

“I’ve had abuse hurled at me by parishioners, a near-miss physical attack, had a nun harass me and actually hiss at me like some deranged animal and circle me for a full 30 minutes, but it’s never stopped me,” Lou says.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Ballarat resident Maureen Hatcher started the Loud Fence movement which ties colourful ribbons on the fences of Catholic Church and school grounds as a symbol of support for victims of clergy sex abuse. Photograph: Lisa Martin

After his conviction, Pell’s former school, St Patrick’s college, announced it was rebadging a wing named in his honour.

Cathedral priest Justin Driscoll, who has been in Ballarat for 20 years, says the diocese has a long road ahead to rebuild trust in the community.

“I’m mindful of so many people hurting,” he says.

The federal MP for Ballarat, Catherine King, who could be health minister if Labor wins the federal election, says her priorities for survivors include easier access to the redress compensation scheme and automatic mental health plans for subsidised psychology sessions.“[Pell] is the tip of the iceberg in the church dealing with this … The church’s culture has got to change really significantly and I don’t think it’s showing real evidence it can do that yet,” she says.

“For survivors … nothing is going to restore their childhood but what they want desperately is that this will never happen again.”

* Crisis support services can be reached 24 hours a day: Lifeline 13 11 14;Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467; Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800; MensLine Australia 1300 78 99 78; Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636