1. The Entirely Too Casual

OK, so, yeah she’s a 34 y/o female, no real medical history, coming in with some fevers and chills. Dirty UA. BP in the ER was like 80s/50s (but she generally runs low). Mild fevers. Wait, actually, the last one was kindda high, but it was probably axillary or something. Cultures are drawn and she’s on antibiotics. Shouldn’t give you any problems. Floor patient for sure.

2. The Minstrel

He’s a lovely, kind, wistful, old soul. 67 years young, strong as on ox, and just the most lovely family. From New Hampshire, actually! He actually taught for a while…was it architecture, or philosophy? Or maybe philosophy of architecture? Oh no it was a class called The Architecture of Philosophy. Basically, about how Frank Lloyd Wright was a secret Buddhist. Wait, or was he a Daoist? Hah, I’m rambling! Anyway, he’s a 67 year old (just so lovely) who presented with a faaaaint twinkle in his throat. He thinks it’s just a cold, but he did smoke for a while. Now mind you, he smoked from a proper pipe (like a real man, this observer astutely notes), and not cigarettes….

3. The Youtube 2X speed

Fiftythreeyearoldwithdiabetesrealbadistartedheroninsulinsojustmakesuretochecksugarsq4iactuallydidntwritethisonthesignoutsheetsocouldyoujustrememberthatokthanks!

4. The Haven’t Really Committed to a Plan

Hey man. Um. Yeah. So, this guy. Tough one, for sure. He is aaaaaaa – OK, so he has a lot of stuff going on. I think his fevers are resolved? Wait let me – Wait can you check something for me real quick? OK, yeah, so his fevers are down. Hm. OK so actually do we still need to be covering him so broadly? His cultures were negative…but he actually did have a lot of epis in that sample. OK so I think what’s going on is that this is just really bad pneumonia, but maybe with an atypical presentation? Do you think histo could do this? Maybe I should start..like itra? Wait let me call my upper level. Hold on one sec. Hello?

5. The Ninja Hangout

Hey dude! What’s up?? Pretty short list, can’t complain. Yeah dude, things are going well over here. Saving lives, man. Hey, so, where were you on Saturday? Oh, night float. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. We gotta hang out more often, man. Nothing really on most of these people. Great job on morning report, man, if I didn’t tell you that already. Relapsing polychondritis. Wow. Oh, I did already tell you that? Oh, well, anyway, just give me a call when you’re free?

6. The Helicopter Intern

He’s on colace BID, miralax PRN w/ meals, and maalox. And he just pooped! So he should be good. But just in case he doesn’t poop again, all the orders are in, and I already spoke to the nurses, so everything is all set. And I told him what to expect, what food items to avoid, made a graph of fecal colors and consistencies that he can easily chart, so I think everything is prettty much covered. Oh, but if you have any trouble, and I mean ANY trouble, here’s my cell. And my pager. I’ll be here for the next few hours anyway. Anway, PLEASE don’t hesistate to call me. I love you. Wait what? Oh I was talking to my patient, we have this one way video chat thing. Good night!

7. The Obi-Wan Kenobi (upper level signout)

This is a list with 2 patients on it, and they’re tucked away. This is the list of an upper level. Not as clumsy or random as intern signout. It’s an elegant list….for a more civilized age.

8. The Happy Hour Started 45 Minutes Ago

Jones, cancer, palliative. Martin, diabetes, stable. Stevens, social admit, chillin. Leslie, cirrhosis, watch out. Ables, CHF, lasix. Rodriguez, DTs, ativan!