Where Does Dion Waiters Fit Among NBA Shooting Guards?

If we know one thing about Dion Waiters, it’s that he has confidence. He’s candid, he’s fiery, and he isn’t shy about speaking his mind. You get the sense that he is aware of everything said about him, and that he uses any slights as motivation. LeBron spoke of the chip on Dion’s shoulder—as an asset—at his homecoming celebration in Akron.

These words from Dion are not the words of a young man lacking self-esteem:

Without a doubt, I really believe that [I’ll eventually be the best shooting guard in the NBA]. This year, I’m going to show a lot of people who doubted me and still doubt me. I’m going to show them. And I don’t need praise and all of that. I just want to be respected. I’m coming. That’s all I have to say. I’ve taken my work ethic to another level and I feel as though I still have something to prove. So, watch out.

It’s worth noting that Dion said this before last season, and while he had a nice year—he improved his FG%, 3P%, and PPG, as well as advanced stats like PER, win shares, and true shooting—no one is in a hurry to put him alongside established-if-aging stars like Kobe and Wade, or even above his contemporaries like Klay Thompson and Bradley Beal. Right now, he’s a good player, and potentially a great one, but he’s not a finished product.

That said, if we were able to go inside Dion’s head John Malkovich-style and look at his personal ranking of NBA two-guards, there is little doubt that he would put himself number one. And if you’re a pro athlete, or just a rec baller, you kind of have to. You can’t take the court thinking the guy across from you is better. No one wins a game they expect to lose.

This confidence, this attitude, this—for lack of a better word—swag, has become Dion’s defining trait. Swag isn’t just an on-court thing—it applies to fashion and lifestyle, too. Dion knows this. Before the 2012 draft, he said, “I am going to look real fly. Sharp. I will turn my swag all the way up.” He engages with fans on Twitter, often afterhours. He’s a fun human to have with us on Earth.

However, many other players are noted for their swag, this ineffable combination of confidence and show-outitude. Nick Young has built a career out of it. Others have built upon existing definitions of it. So the question is: Where does Dion fit among NBA two-guards, in terms of swag and talent? The graphic below shows that he is competitive in both regards, for the reasons expressed above.

Swag is an esoteric attribute by nature. What giveth one person swag may taketh from another. But that didn’t stop us, because this is important. So, we consulted those guys from MIT that the movie 21 is about, and this is what they came up with. Take your complaints to them, but remember that this is science, and you are wrong.

Let’s dive into some of these guys’ credentials a little further, in no particular order:

KOBE: He’s a little older, a little more banged up, and a little more fluent in German medical terms than he used to be. He also has five rings, he’s taught us that the human jaw can be menacing, and there’s an eight-minute long YouTube video of him hitting absurd threes. He encourages fans to boo him. He’s won over the most populous nation on Earth and makes more money than anyone in the league. He could embark on a career in serial killing after he retires and I wouldn’t be surprised. That’s swag.

WADE: He has a couple rings, and he ring-led LeBron and Bosh down to Miami. He’s in the vanguard of weird NBA fashion. He married the captain of the East Compton Clovers cheerleading squad. So why isn’t he ranked higher? Because I just don’t like him that much. Again, this is science.

HARDEN: His beard is legit, and at this point I kind of respect his allergy to defense. But his game is predicated on drawing fouls, and free throw shooting is the antithesis of swag except when following a celebration following a dunk.

THE CONTRACT: That’s Joe Johnson, in case you didn’t know. His salary is higher than the GDP of most Polynesian islands, and he’s a seven-time All-Star, but he can’t get his own shoe deal, and the Nets would trade him if it was remotely feasible. I award him zero swag.

MANU: I love his game, and if this were a ranking of pavoneo, he’d rate way higher.

TONY: Allen, that is. The engine driving the Grit n’ Grind Grizz. He could stop snow in January. He defends like Johnnie Cochran. The current torchbearer in gravy-soaked southern swag.

KORVER + HAYWARD: It isn’t because these guys are white. Honest, it’s not. It’s because they look and play and act and feel white, and white guys generally aren’t dripping with swag. Korver has impeccable form on his jumper, which is important and effective and good, but not swagtastic. He has tried to absorb some swag by virtue of his proximity to more swaggerous players, but it has mostly resulted in him getting embarrassed. Hayward gets some points for being from Indiana, a badass basketball state, but points off for this dance.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZ4ux3kyxnQ

Also, Indiana + Utah ≠ Swag.

REDICK: Now here’s a white guy with some swag. The true trailblazers in the white swag world are guys like Pete Maravich and Jason Williams, who handled the rock how hippie girls swing poi at music festivals. Redick doesn’t have that kind of handle, but he gets points for being so freaking hated. I certainly couldn’t have inspired an arena to chant expletives at me at age 22.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nNXgaN28T8

But yeah, being white limits his upside.

LANCE: Depends how you feel about the ear-blowing thing. I’m in on it. Things that result in memes are swaggerific. He also challenged an 18 year-old OJ Mayo when he was in eighth grade, and he still challenges people like he’s in eighth grade.

KLAY + BEAL: These guys are both really good, but they seem too friendly and well balanced. Swag requires a degree of unpredictability or insanity. I can’t see either of their names in a headline alongside the words “strip club” or “3 a.m.” But hey, they’re young, and there’s time to grow.

DEROZAN: I’m not that familiar with his work because he plays in a foreign country and the time difference and all that. But he owns like 5,000 pairs of shoes, so that’s cool. He gets the distinction of living at the Swagdoza Line.

JIMMY G BUCKETS: His nickname is awesome, but also a misnomer for a guy who averages 8.9 PPG for his career. When in doubt, lump him in with the Canadian.

GREEN: He’s actually on the downside of his swagging career. The peak came at UNC, when he danced to “Jump Around” before games.

I’m pretty sure Duncan and Pop sucked that dance out of him with some kind of stoic swag vacuum.

NATE: He’s the size of a fifth grader, yet he can jump over a school bus. He blocked Yao Ming’s shot.

Blocking a dude two feet taller than you is swaggerful.

JR: His play has tailed off over the past few years, and Knicks fans would rather contract herpes than have him on their team. But he has some swag left. You don’t just get fined $50,000 for untying guys’ shoes without a touch of swag. And he can hit a game-winner and look cool despite Steve Novak’s presence.

J CROSSOVER: Jamal Crawford’s Twitter handle is @JCrossover, and his shoe is called the J. Crossover. The crossover is the official dribble move of swag.

SHUMP: The high-top fade is the official haircut of swag. His name lends itself well to puns.

SWAGGY P: The king. He believes so much in his own swag that he made it his name. The “Swagy” in his Twitter handle only has one G, which makes me wonder if I’ve been spelling it wrong this whole time. His right arm is strictly for buckets (!!!).

No tats on the right arm Strictly for buckets — Nick Young (@NickSwagyPYoung) August 15, 2014

He joins random pickup games while wearing skinny jeans. He does his goggles thing. And somehow he parlayed all of this silliness into a job with the Los Angeles Lakers. Before I blow out the candles on my birthday, I wish this sort of swag upon my loved ones.

Today, I wish it upon you too.