In an eﬀort to eliminate the use o non-academic Inter- net resources on campus, the University o Kansas technol- ogy board processed a bill on Monday establishing a restrict- ed Wi-Fi service or all KU students. Starting in the all o 2014, students will be required to purchase data plans in order to use the Internet via University channels, including ethernet and wireless access. Plans will range rom 500 to 5000 minutes and will cost ﬁve cents per minute. Stu- dents can purchase multiple plans throughout the semester through the optional ee page on the school’s Enroll and Pay website. “Afer using back door an- alytics to see how students spend most o their time when using campus Wi-Fi, it became increasingly clear that little to no school work is done during common class hours, and even less in the libraries afer,” ech board president Dan Arnold said. “It has been my stated goal since I took this position to ocus solely on academics, and to see so ew students hold up their end o the bargain is appalling.” “Now our proessors can rest assured: I their students are using computers during class, they’ll be paying or every tweet they send out.” Te swif action comes afer three students were expelled or using their cellphones during a midterm to Snapchat the test’s answers to each other. While administrators can’t completely curb this use o non-academic websites, the hope is that students will have to budget their minutes and seriously think about what they use the Internet or. Kansas students are calling the move communistic and have started advocacy groups to ﬁght the rule, such as Stu- dents Hate Internet racking. “It’s not the student’s ault that these proessors and teaching assistants are boring as hell,” S.H.I.. member Za- vie Goldenberg said. “We ully understand that we are paying or these courses, however what we as students take away rom these classes aren’t the lessons learned, but the Buzz- Feed quizzes completed. Is it more important to learn the economic history o Europe or which Game O Trones character you resemble most? Tat’s a question or the stu- dent body to decide.” Members o KU’s technology board eel quite comortable that the new campus-wide rule won ’t be chall enged saying, “Tose moronic students will get distracted by Reddit beore they ever have a chance to ﬁg- ure out some type o plan to strike this down.” Afer a giddy afernoon o touching massive ossilized lizards, sipping Capri Suns crosslegged on a hard ﬂoor and arguing about whose dad could beat up whose, Mrs. Wellsworth ’s second grade class marched conﬁdently rom the KU Natural History Museum down to Dollar Night at the Jayhawk Caé. Te Grassylawn Elementary group, most o whom said they had “been once or twice, but the last time is a little uzzy, ha,” sidled up to the l ine at 4 p.m. a- ter stashing their lunchboxes in a bush next to the Beta house. Arnold Reynolds, an 8-year-old second grader, said he has nev- er run into problems using his prized Nidoking Pokemon card at the entrance. “I mean, I sort o have the same hair color and height as that Nidoking, so nine times out o 10, I eel like they don’t really care that it’s a Florida Nidoking,” Reynolds said as he shuﬄed his light-up Spi- derman velcroes excitedly. “My only thing is the crazy amount o girls in there who are, like, in kindergarten. Come on, man — that’s a little creepy.” Once inside, the group be- gan trading in their juice boxes or test tube shots and Vegas bombs. Some o the more ad- ventur ous whippers nappe rs, such as second grade lovebirds Kylie Newstown and Freddie Fitzgibbons, whose relation- ship recently progressed to the “talking to one another” stage, made a beeline or the boom boom room. “I just love getting hyphy to jams in that dark, dank cess- pool o bacchanalian revelry,” said Fitzgibbons, winner o this year’s Grassylawn Spelling Bee and spring writing contest. Newstown, handing her pur- ple Dora the Explorer backpack oﬀ to a riend on the sidelines, oﬀered her thoughts on the bar’s pros and cons. “As long as you pregame it enough and don’t actually touch the seat when you use the bathroom, it’s totally a un time,” she said. “Let me repeat that: Hover when you go pee, or the love o God.” Newstown added that she does get a bit weirded out when older ﬁfh grade boys stare at her and oﬀer to buy her Soco Lime shots. Mrs. Wellsworth said she is not concerned her students may be learning bad habits by attending the bar. “Let’s ace it, elementary school kids are going to ﬁnd ways to drin k anyway, ” she said. “We might as well ensure they can chase vodka shots with the Juicy Juice they brought in their backpacks in a un, social envi- ronment.” A recent Gallup poll showed seven out o 10 Lawrence area elementary school students think sixth grade is wayyy too old to be in the Hawk.

Volume 126 Issue 99

kansan.com

Tuesday , April 1, 2014

IDK?

the student voice since 1904

THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN

All contents, unless stated otherwise, © 2014 The University Daily Kansan

STOCK ACTIVITY 4A CROSSWORD 5A CRYPTOQUIPS 5A OPINION 4A SPORTS 8A SUDOKU 5A

Chance of snow, thunderstorms and tornadoes.

April Fools!

Index Don’t Forget Today’s W eather

Just don’t even try to go to class.

HI: 88 LO: -15

DARK KNIGHT

PAGE 6A Bill Self revealed as Batman in off season

CAMPUS

JETT JACKSON

news@kansan.com

University to charge for Wi-Fi in Fall 2014

‘House of Cards’ inspires murder on Wescoe Beach

Elementary ﬁeld trip ends at Hawk

Police are questioning a stu- dent, whose name is not be- ing released, or a “House o Cards”-inspired homicide on campus. A male student was seen pushing a emale student in ront o a campus bus Mon- day. She was pronounced dead on the scene. “I must get to the top,” the student said when asked why he did it. “Zoe was in the way.” Authorities are still investi- gating the murder, although there were three witnesses who saw the attack clearly on Jayhawk Boulevard. One was a hotdog salesman who declined to comment. “I just saw him running down the stairs with a crazy look in his eye,” another wit- ness said. “He was speciﬁcally targeting a emale student who was waiting or the bus then he just pushed her right in ront o it. It was so quick and non- chalant.” Te suspect’s lawyer stated publicly that in the event o a trial, his client will plea in- sanity, saying he has multiple personality disorder. State psy- chiatrists say the suspect said he wanted to “take the Vice Presidency,” and are unsure i these thoughts are related to the attack. Full psychological evaluations o the suspect are still in progress. “Tis is the ﬁrst Netﬂix-re- lated incident we have seen in the state,” a psychiatrist said. “We’ve seen reports rom the coasts recently, but we were not prepared or this in Law- rence.” Te Lawrence Police De- partment and the KU Public Saety Oﬃce are organizing a task orce to help prevent any other “House o Cards”-r elated attacks. Authorities are con- cerned similar attacks may see an increase. “We have heard threats o ri- cin poisoning among cigarette smokers, but we were con- vinced this was just a hoax, ” a Lawrence police oﬃcer ex- plained. “Now we might need to look into other avenues o investigation — mostly likely related to ‘Breaking Bad.’” Check back with the Kansan or urther developments with this investigation.

MARNIE CROMWELL

news@kansan.com

CRIME LAWRENCE

FORREST APPLETON

news@kansan.com

“

“Professors can rest assured: If their students are using com- puters during class, they’ll be paying for every tweet they send.” DAN ARNOLD Tech board president

TERRY RICHARDSON/KANSAN

A KU student was found dead on Wescoe beach Monday. Police are questioning another student about the “House of Cards”-inspired homicide. The Lawrence Police Department and the KU Public Safety Ofﬁce are organizing a task force to help prevent any other “House of Cards”-related attacks.

ANNIE LEIBOVITZ/KANSAN

Second graders from Grassylawn Elementary attended Dollar Night at the Jayhawk Café after a ﬁeld trip to the KU Natural History Museum.

“

“My only thing is the crazy amount of girls in there who are, like, in kindergarten. Come on, man — that’s a little creepy.”