I scored more in English than Mr. Mathrubootham. Once I even got centum. Why not I can write?

Dear Madam,

Since long time it has been my one and only ambition to write to you but my husband is not at all liking the idea. In fact, he is being very secretive about this letter to Hindu and all, throwing himself bodily over the computer whenever I am coming with coffee and bajji.

Now excellent news madam. Mr. Mathrubootham has gone off to America for visiting our elder son there who is a software engineer. Brilliant boy is well settled with wife and one bonny boy and one large bungalow type house with own garden and one back garden also for doing the barbecue. He is casually buying me gold bangles and chains whenever he is visiting. He is handful earning thank god.

Mr. Mathrubootham is going alone to U.S. and I am acting sad but I am acting only because Guruvayurappa and one and all in housing society knows what a big nachchu he has become sitting in home and ringing doorbell non-stop in other people homes and fighting nonstop with milkman, paperman, ironman, what not. Madam, retirement is not a bed of roses for retiree wife, I can say strongly.

Excellent time pass

Looking back fondly to working days in bank, it was very peaceful. Once I gave him send-off with tiffin box in hand and I packed off sons, there was peace in home. One serial here, one coffee there, one visit to Visalam or Meenakshi in B Block Bank Officers Quarters, weekly Ladies Club meeting, it was excellent I tell you excellent. Full time pass. In Ladies Club, always we are doing new-new things like Bournvita Mysore Pak and Pineapple Rasa-Vada. Of course now also I am happy to be bringing all these talents to ladies in Housing Society here who are really appreciating.

Madam, you must be thinking why this old woman is writing just because husband not there. Too much competition you must be thinking. I am like that from first only. Always first in class and getting sabash in music class also. Getting centum in Mathematics is not easy in those days, Madam, but I got centum. Even during my marriage seeing days, my father has mentioned this to all the boys coming to see me. When my father found out that Mr. Mathrubootham is also getting centum he is approving fully. Then only marriage.

Anyway, everyone is writing about women’s liberation in your Hindu. Always telling that ladies must come out and talk openly. So only I am thinking why not take this chance when old man is missing? And let me tell you I scored more in English prose and poetry than Mr. Mathrubootham. Once I even got centum. So why not I can write?

Best trick

You will be noticing already how advanced I am. I am only putting ‘madam’, no ‘sir’. Because fully I am believing that ladies only must be editors and all. No chance men. So whenever I am writing to bank manager or Anna Nagar Times I always put ‘Dear Madam’. We must not give any option only. That is best trick.

It has been tiring one week, Madam. Mr. Mathrubootham has been sitting in chair reading Alistair McLean and I have been packing podis for son in America. Paruppu podi, sambhar podi, milagai podi, ellu podi, karuvepilai podi each and every podi I have made 250g packs painstakingly, let me tell you. Then with much huffing-puffing that man will come with me to Mylapore and we are going to professional packer and sealing it all in plastic packets and removing air.

Then from Ganga Sweets we are buying Mysore Pak because I have no time left to make my world-famous Bournvita Mysore Pak, so ordinary one we are buying. Whether that man will come home straight? No, no he will eat ras malai and drink rose milk and only then budge. I am eating only one medu vadai myself because TV health shows are telling to avoid sugar.

All in all, very tiring, Madam. Now after seeing off at airport I am getting some relaxation. Now one month no non-stop complaint from yoga teacher and Sankaramenon and woman on top floor. Big relief. It is giving me daring and so only I came to computer room to write off one letter to paper. We must tell our side no?

Yours happily for one month,

Mrs. Mathrubootham