David Lynch couldn't be in San Diego for the Twin Peaks panel at Comic-Con because he would never do a thing like that, let's face it. It would be too good.

Instead, he made us our very own movie. (And eagle-eared fans may connect it to that notorious and wonderful Episode 8).

Lynch put together a short film of himself for the crowd, and it was definitely more funny-Lynch than eerily surreal Lynch. After Damon Lindelof gave some opening remarks, the reel ran ...

The screen starts as static.

The static fades and David Lynch is looking into the camera, and appears to be crouching in a dark room. He holds up a golf ball.

"This is the golf ball that O.J. hit before going to prison ..." as the screen turns back to static fuzz. But then the signal comes back in! And Lynch once again addresses the camera:

"I wanted to thank you all for joining us here and spending some time with us," he said, in his most flat and deliberate way. "Today you're going to meet some great actresses and great actors, and I hope you have a very enjoyable ... "

(The screen begins to fuzz again. Lynch looks alarmed at something behind the camera)

"Hey! You can't bring a horse in here! What are you doing?" he yells.

(Horse sounds, the sound of hooves crashing into things)

"Manuel! Take that gun away from her!"

(Lynch leaps to his feat to go intervene as more crashing noises)

"Hey, that was a damn good lamp! You're moving all my stuff! Get that horse outta here!"

(The crashing stops but Lynch continues yelling)

"Oh, thanks a lot, your horse stepped on my cat! ... Come here honey ... "

(Cat hissing and scratching noises)

And the screen goes to static.