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This is actually the reason I started this article. I own one of these plants, and I knew that it was a climber. But I didn't know how it did it. You plant them from seeds, and they start to poke their stupid, unthinking plant faces out of the dirt, and then a few days later, they're wrapping around anything within a few feet. A few weeks after that, they've climbed 10 feet in the air, and you're left wondering how the hell they even found the stuff to latch onto.

If you watch that video, you'll see that once they get to a certain height, they bend their stalks and start swinging them around like a frat boy doing helicopter dick while lying on his back. Then when the stalk bumps into something worth grabbing onto, it twines itself around it in a tight coil like a miniature python, slowly inching its way up the support.

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Which is actually how the aforementioned frat boy finds dates.

That a plant has that sort of mobility is amazing, but the mere idea that it has the ability to seek out and find something in that manner with no brain, no eyes, no central nervous system ... I think it proves that the movies that predict us becoming slaves to evolved AI technology are all overlooking a silent, organic predator just waiting for its time to attack. We'll never see it coming, because so far, their means of subterfuge has been moving at a speed undetectable outside of time lapse photography.

John has a Twitter, where he regularly invites people to fuck right off.

For more Cheese, check out 12 Things You'll Wish You'd Never Seen Under a Microscope and 5 Ways to Tell You're Getting Too Old for Video Games.