The INTJ-INFJ Relationship

[dropcap]T[/dropcap]he INTJ INFJ combination is one that looks good on paper mainly because of the shared intuition preference, specifically that of dominant introverted intuition. David Keirsey, author of “Please Understand Me” posited that types who share the same perceiving preference (“N” or “S” regardless of their introverted/extraverted attitude) are more likely to get along well. This he believed was because it allowed for better communication and understanding between one another. Rationals (NTs) therefore tend to get on best with other Rationals and Idealists (NFs), while Artisans (SPs) and Guardians (SJs) tend to pair best with each other.

The INTJ INFJ friendship and romance has a number of positive prospects going for it. If the INTP and INTJ love match can be characterized as mindmates then the INTJ INFJ couple could be described as soulmates. The feeling/thinking dichotomy in this relationship creates a beneficial dynamic that can encourage the development of both the INTJ and INFJ’s cognitive blind spots and personality weak points.

So why do INTJ and INFJ get along? Whether it’s an INTJ woman and INFJ man or INTJ male with INFJ female or everything in between, the INTJ INFJ love match has a lot of promise. Here is a look at 6 aspects of this pairing that might explain the INTJ INFJ attraction and why these types can go well together in both friendship and dating.

INFJ vs INTJ cognitive functions

INFJ Functions Introverted Intuition (Ni) Extraverted Feeling (Fe) Introverted Thinking (Ti) Extraverted Sensing (Se INTJ Functions Introverted Intuition (Ni) Extraverted Thinking (Te) Introverted Feeling (Fi) Extraverted Sensing (Se)

[dropcap]1[/dropcap] INFJ and INTJ Both Prefer Structure

As Judging types, both INFJ and INTJ regard structure and planning as important to the management of their day-to-day lives. That being the case, they are likely to be on the same page on many things and will not find themselves having to pick up the slack the way they might with a “perceiving type” partner. Furthermore, the personal/impersonal distinction between their extraverted judging functions means that they can look out for each other’s blind spots. They can be a formidable team who works in concert to accomplish a singular goal that they can agree upon. They bring to the table the benefits of INTJ’s technical and logistical knowledge and INFJ’s interpersonal wisdom.

[dropcap]2[/dropcap] INTJ and INFJ Share A Focus on the Future

Being Ni doms, the INTJ and INFJ personality have a preoccupation with assessing outcomes and interpreting the subtext of everything they observe. Both INTJ and INFJ dating is characterized by a withering scrutiny of their romantic interest’s long term prospects. Both types take some time to warm up to someone before they can begin to slip into their comfort zone but that is because they want to test and feel out another person before they let down their guards.

INTJ and INFJ are less interested in one-off flings and relationships held together by physical attraction but no mental connection. When INTJ enters a new relationship, they’ve already worked out the calculus of how this person may fit into their long term life plans. If they do not see a future with that person, an INTJ is typically able to put the kabosh on the union being that they do not want to waste anyone’s time. INFJs by comparison may have more difficulty leaving an unhealthy or unsatisfying relationship since they have the tendency to hold out for the idea that they can fix it or improve themselves or the other person over time. Their outlook towards the future may be more idealistic or optimistic than that of the INTJ.

[dropcap]3[/dropcap] INFJ Admires INTJ’s Calm Strength

The INTJ archetype can be characterized as being a “strong silent type” although some might view them as more of a “surly silent type”. In any case, even if they are not physically potent, their ability to keep it together at times when everyone around them is freaking out is certainly a show of mental strength if nothing else. INFJs being more emotional and all will likely appreciate the INTJ’s ability to keep calm and carry on.

INTJ’s are susceptible to nervous breakdowns and meltdowns of their own but overall they do a good job of appearing unflappable. They can be like a rock of rationality when the INFJ is overcome with powerful and sometimes destructive stress-induced emotions. INTJs are good at maintaining a rational perspective and cutting through the wave of feeling that can obscure the INFJ’s views and cause them to act irrationally. On the other hand, INTJ’s stoicism can make them less emotive than INFJ would like. INFJs desire intimacy and in an attempt to feel closer to INTJ may have to make a bit of an effort to get INTJ to open up and express what they are feeling.

[dropcap]4[/dropcap] INFJ Can Help INTJ In Being More Empathetic and Diplomatic

INTJs have a penchant for stating what they think without much regard for how their words might make some people feel. From their perspective, it is more important to be honest and straightforward. An inconvenient truth is better than a convenient falsification achieved through seemingly harmless sugar coating and gentle distortions meant to shelter people from the raw reality.

Still, diplomacy and tact are necessary tools for conveying such truths if the INTJ expects people to be receptive to their message. Offending and ticking people off more often than not undermines any value in what they have to say and so INTJ would do well not to overlook this point. INFJ may be of help in reminding INTJ when their bluntness becomes counter productive. INFJs can coach and advise INTJ in the way of harmonious relations and how not to steamroll over the sensitivities of others.

[dropcap]5[/dropcap] INFJ and INTJ Listen To One Another

As Ni doms, INFJ and INTJ operate primarily from a state of observation. They spend most of their time collecting and taking in information which they quietly ruminate on and ponder over. In conversation, both types tend to be attentive and engaged listeners. Even when they seem distracted or not paying strict attention, their subconscious seems to soak up and process much of what is being said and this later becomes apparent when they reference things others have mentioned that even they have forgotten about.

The INFJ and INTJ both listen to each other but this does not mean they are always in concord or willing to heed or follow the recommendations or opinions they offer one another. The conclusions they draw from their perceptions will likely differ along their feeling/thinking preferences and both types can be rather obstinate and unyielding in the strength of their convictions. But instead of becoming a source of conflict or infighting, their contrasting perspectives can inform one another and present valuable points that can be integrated into their rational calculus.

[dropcap]6[/dropcap] INTJ and INFJ Can Bond As Introverts

As mutual lovers of privacy, INFJ and INTJ both need space to recharge and gather their thoughts or simply to immerse themselves in their independent activities such as reading, writing or making art. However, both types seem to value ‘quality time’ highly in relationships and will likely desire to share much of their inner world with their significant other. As introverts they will likely find each other’s presence unobtrusive and may find each other’s interests to be intriguing.

The intuitive-based connection they share allows them to relate well in terms of how they think and what they focus on. They will likely hold many lively and stimulating conversations where they debate and discuss topics of substance and meaning to them. Their philosophical and deductive minds are always trying to zero in on a unified or singular truth. They tend to believe they know what is best according to the personal and impersonal standards they value most. Because INTJ most likely respects INFJ’s intellect, they will generally not mind explicating the nuance of their arguments to them which they don’t bother doing with people they view as imbeciles.

INFJ Most Important Aspects mutual support

mutual commitment

being listened to

fidelity

intimacy

companionship

shared values Least Important Aspects shared religious beliefs

shared interests

sexual compatibility

spiritual connection

similar parenting styles INTJ Most Important Aspects fidelity

mutual support

mutual commitment

intellectual stimulation

being listened to

shared values

having fun together Least Important Aspects shared religious beliefs

security

financial security

similar parenting styles

spending time together

spiritual connection

source: Just Your Type. Tieger & Tieger. 2000.

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