SCOTLAND is still not as angry as it could be, Nicola Sturgeon has claimed.

The Scottish first minister dismissed suggestions that the country already seemed to be in a state of constant, blazing fury, adding: “This is nothing.

“This is a fancy little picnic with cherry tomatoes and those tiny wee pork pies. This is polite conversation.”

Sturgeon warned: “Under the right circumstances, that genteel picnic could easily become a hellish symphony of horrifyingly graphic swearwords that would make a bare-knuckle boxer wet himself, burst into tears and then faint.”

Psychologist Martin Bishop said: “This has come as something of a surprise.”

Sturgeon added: “Imagine, if you will, a sort of ‘ginger Hulk’. Its clothes in tatters, it will rip the top off of Big Ben and throw it at Nelson’s Column before disappearing into a forest.”