My daughter let loose this morning with a rant about the way in which political correctness stifles humor and free speech. She’s right, of course. No wonder Progressives want to silence conservatives. If conservatives are allowed talk, people — especially young people — will discover that they’re much more fun. Young people like fun, which is why Leftists keep telling them “sex, sex, sex.” Dig just a little past all that sex talk, though, and you realize that conservatives are actually having fun, while Progressives offer nothing more than a grim, puritanical slog through a Hobbesian life:

Progressives perpetually police their own and everyone else’s speech. Conservatives, outside of the boundaries of ordinary decency and manners, do not.

Progressive humor is predicated on demeaning and deceiving people (I’m talking to you Jon Stewart). Conservatives can laugh about most things.

Progressives live in perpetual fear that their world is in imminent danger of bursting into flames. Conservatives do not view the earth in darkly apocalyptic terms.

Progressives worry that every interaction with nature is an evil act destroying Gaia; Conservatives respect nature, but allow themselves both to enjoy it and benefit from it.

Progressives fear guns. Conservatives get to go out shooting for fun (although they do it safely).

Progressives hate the military. Conservatives get to enjoy all sorts of cool military stuff even if they’re not actually in the military (e.g., Fleet Week and Navy League events).

Progressives think pregnancy is a “punishment” and babies are Gaia-destroyers. Conservatives see babies as the promise of the future. And while we’re on the subject of babies, Leftists, with their abortion and euthanasia obsessions (not to mention medical “death panels,” are a death cult. Conservatives, by contrast, celebrate new life.

Progressives often don’t believe in either a God or an afterlife. Life on earth has no purpose (except to suck Gaia dry) and death means a rotting corpse (that pollutes Gaia). Conservatives often believe in both God and an afterlife, giving every day meaning and purpose.

Progressives, despite their endless obsession with sex, kill the pleasure. Girls who have sex too young (as Leftists encourage them to do), tend to have unhappy sex lives. Girls who hook up have unhappy sex lives. Boys who hook up aren’t that thrilled with meaningless sex either. People who dive into meaningless sex with strangers are more likely to have STDs. And once you get to university, oy! The boys are all rapists and the girls are all victims, and everyone is dead drunk because it’s the only way they can get past the fear and revulsion in order to reach out to each other. Conservatives, on the other hand, have respect, romance, love and commitment.

I can see the ad campaign now: Enjoy Life: Become a Conservative!

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