This is the first of a three-part series where high-performance athletes discuss their battles with mental illness, an affliction that affects millions of Canadians.

It was one of the most difficult moments in my life.

Years of training, competing and representing my country couldn’t have prepared me for the nerves I felt standing there in that hallway. I wish I could say that hallway was in a rugby stadium in Rio de Janeiro, but it wasn’t.

My journey wasn’t meant to end on a podium. I was standing in the hallway of a therapist’s office, a year before the Olympic Games, about to learn that I was one of the one in five Canadians who experience mental illness in their lifetime.

I was lucky enough to be one of 24 women who trained together full time in the lead-up to Rio, and I enjoyed three incredible years as part of the national women’s sevens program. Alongside the countless battles I faced on the field, from daily training, to World Series events and the 2015 Pan American Games, I was also fighting a personal battle deep within myself.

It was shortly after winning gold at the Pan Am Games that I began making a list of everything that could stand in my way of earning a spot on the Olympic roster the following summer. My mind quickly went from, “I need to improve my pass accuracy,” to “Who are you kidding? You don’t deserve to be an Olympian. Making the Pan Am team was a fluke. Everyone will soon realize how weak and pathetic you are.”