Beef Noodles Profile Blog Joined March 2010 United States 936 Posts Last Edited: 2010-08-26 19:36:38 #1 If you missed it...

http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=147155



As I proved before, IdrA is truly a God. And if we had to compare IdrA to the Gods of Earth, IdrA would most likely be Hades – God of Death – drawing his strength from the wailing screams of dead nooby spirits swirling all around him. And if IdrA is Hades, Artosis would have to be none other than his blushing bride, Queen of the Underworld, Persephone.



Persephone (Artosis), captured by Hades (IdrA) and raped repeatedly into submission, has accepted her role as the second fiddle mistress of the Swarm.



And is that not such a fitting comparison, for not only are the two inseparable, but also let us not forget, that Persephone is the bringer of winter. And it will be a cold winter in hell if Artosis ever starts winning…



But how can we fault our glorious Queen for lag out scandals and reaper shenanigans? The record does not show the fuming rage that is building up underneath our Queen's rosy cheeks. If anyone saw the Artosis rep pack back before neural parasite was nerfed harder than Mexico in the Mexican-American war, then you would know the potential of this underrated star.



If the Persephone comparison doesn't float your boat across the river styx. Then, just think of Artosis as a mother hen. Looks nice and fluffy, but she will pick and claw your eyes out. Mess with her chicks, and she will make an internet video shaming you and your family. Make her play ZvT, and she will lay an egg.



(Artosis you are awesome and I can't wait to see what you can do when they balance ZvT)



“So Beef?” You might say. “You just said Artosis is a great Zerg player because he’s worse than IdrA and hasn't preformed very well?” Well sir, we must remember we’re all worse than IdrA. Also, Artosis has something IdrA will never have. A brain. That gorgeous Artosis brain.



When the Encyclopedia of SC1 doesn’t know an answer, it asks Artosis. Liquipedia could be called “Artosis’s Sparknotes.” And Stephan Hawking once tried to blow Artosis in the hopes that ingesting his DNA would grant him Artosis' power.



I have no doubt that SC2 will be a game that will take a LONG time to crack. What is the best build? What build counters that? Is Kerrigan looking to put out on the first date? Those answers have not been found. But the man who will answer them has.



Artosis. The Swarm bows to you. All glory to Artosis, the Overmind!



Editor's Note:



In my last installment of the greatness of IdrA, I did not make it quite clear how much I love Zerg. To say that “Zerg is the only race worth playing” would be to put Zerg in the category of “Starcraft race” along with Protoss and Terran. This would be a terrible insult to the Swarm. I prefer to say, “Playing Protoss and Terran is like playing the clarinet only to find out that said clarinet was in fact a hairy penis.” Where as playing Zerg is like “dating the hottest girl in your high school, but you are only in fourth grade.”



In Brood War there was an unmistakable air to all Zerg players -- the I’m-going-to-fuck-you-up air, which I loved so much. Jaedong, YellOw, Savior. The three scariest nerds of all time.



(NOTE: in the following paragraphs, the words “map control” will be replaced with “balls.”)



Why were Zergs so scary? Because of one thing: balls. They had balls. In the early game, zerglings gave you balls. In the midgame, mutas and lurkers gave you balls. And in the end game, dark swarm ensured that if you ever GOT balls, you would win by pushing into your opponent’s base.



What can balls do for the average Zerg player? You can expand freely, harass more often and from more angles, and you can keep the enemy in the dark if you do a crazy tech switch.



Is all this possible in SC2? I don’t know. I’m not here to complain. I’m here to get back some of that lost swagger all Zerg players had. How did we lose it? Theory 1: n00b Zergs. Answer 1: STOP PLAYING OUR RACE! (or stop complaining). Theory 2: Terrans are draining our pride. Answer 2: who gives a fuck what a Terran says? They are Terran because a high ladder rank is the only thing assuring them that their penises are still inside their camouflage cargo pants.



So anyway back to how having “balls” helps when playing Zerg. If you can maintain balls, you get to dictate (see what I did there?) the entire pace of the game until the fools try to move out into the waiting arms of your flank-ready Zerg army.



Enough about strategy and lesser life forms. Let us again fill our Swarm hearts with pride as we salute one of the most important strains in the Zerg genetic pool: Artosis. As I proved before, IdrA is truly a God. And if we had to compare IdrA to the Gods of Earth, IdrA would most likely be Hades – God of Death – drawing his strength from the wailing screams of dead nooby spirits swirling all around him. And if IdrA is Hades, Artosis would have to be none other than his blushing bride, Queen of the Underworld, Persephone.Persephone (Artosis), captured by Hades (IdrA) and raped repeatedly into submission, has accepted her role as the second fiddle mistress of the Swarm.And is that not such a fitting comparison, for not only are the two inseparable, but also let us not forget, that Persephone is the bringer of winter. And it will be a cold winter in hell if Artosis ever starts winning…But how can we fault our glorious Queen for lag out scandals and reaper shenanigans? The record does not show the fuming rage that is building up underneath our Queen's rosy cheeks. If anyone saw the Artosis rep pack back before neural parasite was nerfed harder than Mexico in the Mexican-American war, then you would know the potential of this underrated star.If the Persephone comparison doesn't float your boat across the river styx. Then, just think of Artosis as a mother hen. Looks nice and fluffy, but she will pick and claw your eyes out. Mess with her chicks, and she will make an internet video shaming you and your family. Make her play ZvT, and she will lay an egg.(Artosis you are awesome and I can't wait to see what you can do when they balance ZvT)“So Beef?” You might say. “You just said Artosis is a great Zerg playerhe’s worse than IdrA and hasn't preformed very well?” Well sir, we must remember we’re all worse than IdrA. Also, Artosis has something IdrA will never have. A brain. That gorgeous Artosis brain.When the Encyclopedia of SC1 doesn’t know an answer, it asks Artosis. Liquipedia could be called “Artosis’s Sparknotes.” And Stephan Hawking once tried to blow Artosis in the hopes that ingesting his DNA would grant him Artosis' power.I have no doubt that SC2 will be a game that will take a LONG time to crack. What is the best build? What build counters that? Is Kerrigan looking to put out on the first date? Those answers have not been found. But the man who will answer them has.Artosis. The Swarm bows to you. All glory to Artosis, the Overmind!In my last installment of the greatness of IdrA, I did not make it quite clear how much I love Zerg. To say that “Zerg is the only race worth playing” would be to put Zerg in the category of “Starcraft race” along with Protoss and Terran. This would be a terrible insult to the Swarm. I prefer to say, “Playing Protoss and Terran is like playing the clarinet only to find out that said clarinet was in fact a hairy penis.” Where as playing Zerg is like “dating the hottest girl in your high school, but you are only in fourth grade.”In Brood War there was an unmistakable air to all Zerg players -- the I’m-going-to-fuck-you-up air, which I loved so much. Jaedong, YellOw, Savior. The three scariest nerds of all time.(NOTE: in the following paragraphs, the words “map control” will be replaced with “balls.”)Why were Zergs so scary? Because of one thing: balls. They had balls. In the early game, zerglings gave you balls. In the midgame, mutas and lurkers gave you balls. And in the end game, dark swarm ensured that if you ever GOT balls, you would win by pushing into your opponent’s base.What can balls do for the average Zerg player? You can expand freely, harass more often and from more angles, and you can keep the enemy in the dark if you do a crazy tech switch.Is all this possible in SC2? I don’t know. I’m not here to complain. I’m here to get back some of that lost swagger all Zerg players had. How did we lose it? Theory 1: n00b Zergs. Answer 1: STOP PLAYING OUR RACE! (or stop complaining). Theory 2: Terrans are draining our pride. Answer 2: who gives a fuck what a Terran says? They are Terran because a high ladder rank is the only thing assuring them that their penises are still inside their camouflage cargo pants.So anyway back to how having “balls” helps when playing Zerg. If you can maintain balls, you get to dictate (see what I did there?) the entire pace of the game until the fools try to move out into the waiting arms of your flank-ready Zerg army.Enough about strategy and lesser life forms. Let us again fill our Swarm hearts with pride as we salute one of the most important strains in the Zerg genetic pool: Artosis.