Steady on ladies, and gents (let’s face it), but the Handsome French Bloke doesn’t want to wine us, dine us then nuzzle our bits, he’s talking about scoring goals.

Giroud got ten minutes last night and could have scored twice but such are the machinations of life on this particular plane of existence that it’s not happening for him yet. In one of the many other dimensions he’s already got 8 goals, including a hat-trick against Chelsea (one of which came when he kicked one of John Terry’s testicles into the North Bank), so we just have to wait for the inter-dimensional crossover and all will be well.

Some suggest the £12m summer signing is worried, anxious about his lack of scoring, but no. He’s not worried. Do you know how we know? It’s because he said so.

“I’m not worried,” he said. Told you. Of course he said more about his current situation and not only is he not worried, he’s also confident. Proof?

“I am confident”, he said. Why do you doubt us? Arsenal fans will be hoping that the former Montpellier man pops his Premier League cherry on Saturday against West Ham, but Giroud says he’s not worried about the pressure.

“I am not worried about the pressure,” he said (jeez). “I want to play. It’s like when you score one: you take confidence and more trust. You need to score, but I’m not worried about that.

“I feel good in this team, and I assisted. It’s okay – I will continue to work harder and to score and to give a lot of pleasure to our fans.”

And he’s sure that despite some missed chances it’ll happen for him, and thanked those at the club for their support.

“It’s quite difficult to adapt to the Premier League. I’m always close to scoring, so I continue to stay confident. I try all I can but sometimes you need to keep the faith and keep going.

“Sometimes when you are a striker it is difficult. I feel very, very good in this city and with my team-mates and the people who work in this club, a very big club. I want to mature here and keep going.”

We too want him to mature, like a fine wine, a beautiful cheese or a bowl of stew that tastes better the day after you made it because of the stew magic that happens when you leave it overnight.

For now, we must attend to a match report for Parallel Arseblog News in which Olympiacos were not only beaten but then devoured by Gunnersaurus who is, in that place, a real life velociraptor (he has been handed a 4 game mascot ban by UEFA too, poor fella).