http://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/spo/4628236370.html

These quotes get me every single time I read it.

“I do have the certificate of authenticity for all buyers who are skeptical that Pedro Alvarez would actually be able to hit the jersey with his signature.”

“Getting that urge to throw something at her or swing at her is no problem. Anything you throw will be sure to land safely in front of her or fly 6 feet over her head.”