(I’m kind of petite, so when I’m in the box office I get a lot of kids who seem to think they can intimidate me into selling them R-rated tickets. This particular customer is a classmate of my little sister’s who annoys everyone by walking around repeating ‘I like eggs’ over and over and over again.)

Kid: “Me and my friend want to see Beerfest.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell you the ticket.”

Kid: “Excuse me?”

Me: “You’re not 17.”

Kid: “How the h*** do you know?”

Me: “One, you don’t look it. Two, you’re in my sister’s class.”

(The kid stomps off, and goes to the other side of the box office to try the same thing. When it doesn’t work, he comes back with his father.)

Kid’s Father: “Let me get this straight. It’s a movie theater…and you can’t discriminate against customers…but you won’t let my boy into that movie because he’s too young?!”

Me: “It’s rated R, sir.”

Kid’s Father: *to his son* “You told me it was PG-13.”

Kid: “She’s lying!”

Me: “Sir, the marquee says it’s rated R. Any website you look at will say it’s rated R. There’s really no way to lie about it.”

Kid’s Father: “I guess that means I have to go with him, huh?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Kid’s Father: *to his son* “That’s it. You’re waiting for DVD.”

Kid: “This is so not fair! You can’t do this to me!” *to me* “Don’t you know who I am?!”

Me: *calmly* “My sister tells me you like eggs.”

Kid’s Father: *laughs hysterically* “If I could give you a high five, I would!”