Chloë Sevigny had to wear a prosthetic penis for her role as Mia, the transgender assassin in Sky Atlantic's new drama Hit & Miss. Apparently this wasn't much fun."I hated it. It was an awful experience," Sevigny said at its UK premiere, revealing her worries about how frequently it would be shown – it did pop up three times in the first episode. Sounds as if she had a spot of gender dysphoria, the physical incongruence many trans people feel before transition.

Though I'm not an actor, I auditioned for the part of Mia last year. I'm trans myself, but declined to discuss my genitals with the directors (unless you're my sexual partner, you really don't need to know).

Should non-trans actors play trans people? It's a heated debate in the community; many argue that trans performers shouldn't be limited to trans roles. Yes, it's called acting for a reason, but it would be disingenuous to pretend physical form isn't a casting consideration. That's not to say trans people can't "pass". Many do. But there's often a physicality to being trans which greater familiarity would make less remarkable. While the audience knows Hayley on Coronation Street is supposed to be transsexual, that's less powerful than seeing an actual trans person on screen.

That said, Sevigny does a fantastic job, and it's a beautifully shot and nuanced drama. Mia is a conventionally unsuitable mother – presented as the ultimate outsider who is, nevertheless, integral to the family's survival. The show has substance, sure, but look at the language non-trans people are using to describe it. I was the only trans person in the room at the premiere – not an unfamiliar situation – and the Q&A afterwards was characterised by nervous laughter. Double entendres about penises flopped out left, right and centre. I heard adjectives such as "extreme", "bizarre" and "weird". And it was weird, sitting there, hearing that. Am I bizarre? Are trans bodies "extreme"? Surely it was just Sevigny with a plastic willy? No biggie, folks.

• Paris Lees is editor of META, a new publication devoted to gender and transgender issues