This morning I made what some would call a rookie mistake and answered the door for a pair of Jehovah’s Witnesses who had rung the doorbell. In my defense, I wasn’t fully conscious, having just left the shower, so I didn’t think to look out the window, and on top of that, I had been told someone would be coming to check out the house, so all things considered fate could’ve had a gorilla with a machete on the other side of that door and I still would’ve opened it. JW’s aren’t as bad as machete-wielding gorillas, are they? See? You’re judging me less already.

I’ve hoped for a long time that when I inevitably opened the door to evangelists I’d have something really eloquent to say to them that wouldn’t necessarily offend them, but would make them at least reconsider their life philosophy somewhat. This isn’t necessarily because I disapprove of Jehovah’s Witnesses as a religion – I disagree with it on several points, but I’m not going to waste any of my energy trying to dismantle it. But instead of an eloquent, multi-point, vocal essay, what came out of my mouth was something like this:

“I’m, uh, you see, I’m, not really…. I’m a church man…. I mean, I’m a Christian, but not your kind of, um…. See I think you guys are alright, but I go to church, I mean, like, not your kind of church though…?”

However, not only was I embarrassed by my unwitting use of 1940s Bible Belt dialect, (“Church man?” Really?) I also realized afterwards that I spoke like a drunk version of the pastor from Footloose whilst wearing a black sweater with crossed scythes, a skull, an upside down cross, and the words “No Light” and “No Dark” written on it. The speaking man’s response was something like, “Well, if you ever decide to take God more seriously in your life, (here he noticeably looked down at my sweater) maybe you’ll check this out.” and he handed me a pamphlet with some apocalyptic rhetoric on the front, we had a last exchange of niceties, and he left.

I can imagine how it must have looked to the middle-aged JW’s – After all, the idea of a 20-something kid being terribly confused between the philosophy he thinks he believes and the one he actually carries out in his life isn’t unfamiliar. This is called cognitive dissonance – The act of supporting two opposed ideas at the same time – And I realize that someone like me who listens to bands with anti-religious messages (Enter Shikari, Architects, Behemoth, Motionless in White, Lamb of God, and so on) while calling myself a Christian must look like a walking billboard for cognitive dissonance.

But that doesn’t mean I’m confused. The art I consume tends to come from different angles of thinking than I do, and the truth is the biggest reason I continue to drift towards art like that, aside from me simply liking it aesthetically, is exactly because it prompts me to consider things I wouldn’t normally consider. I think one of the greatest mistakes Christians have made throughout history is refusing to listen to other viewpoints, and creating culture wars out of every other new subject. Christians are supposed to follow the model of Jesus, a man who disagreed with the actions of, say, the corrupt tax collectors, prostitutes, and Zealots (members of a terrorist cell) but still sat down at a table and broke bread with them. What we see today is protests outside abortion clinics. We see attempts to forbid Muslimahs from wearing the hijab in public. We see it requiring Supreme Court intervention to protect gay couples from state sanctioned discrimination in shops.

The truth is, the differences between who Jesus was and the people currently alive who claim to follow his example often make the whole idea of Christianity look like a joke, and if not a joke, then worse: A boldfaced lie. Jesus taught peacemaking, not hostility creating. And the first step to peacemaking is listening. Not just hearing: Listening. For me, music from perspectives antagonistic to mine are only a small part of my pursuit of learning to actively listen, and by learning to actively listen, I hope to learn to actively make peace with those who have been alienated by people who share my faith.