Frankie struggles for total dominance of the house, while the houseguests chase a rat that isn't there.

Big Brother S 16 E 34 type TV Show network CBS genre Reality Where to watch Close Streaming Options

What follows is an exciting excerpt from Beast Mode Cowboy and Kid Travolta: Conversations Between Caleb and Cody, an upcoming graphic memoir from Big Brother publishing:

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Two serious questions: Is Caleb the stupidest man alive? Or has he modeled a remarkably effective new Big Brother strategy? There are five players left inside of the Big Brother house. One of them is a fairy princess from Neptune, but three of them are savvy players who have recognize that—in order to play Big Brother effectively—you need to play at least three different levels of Big Brother gamesmanship. Frankie started off as a social-game fiend, creating the Season of Hugging and essentially establishing himself as the house’s reigning socialite—but he also plays a shockingly ruthless behind-closed-doors game and isn’t shy about announcing big moves. (Remember: He didn’t just put Zach up on the block, he made a poem about it.) Cody embedded himself within a few different alliance cocoons and probably would have launched an all-out assault on close ally Frankie… if not for Derrick, who has turned this season of Big Brother into the first-ever recorded game of five-dimensional chess.

But then there’s Caleb. He performs decently well in competitions, although he’s hardly the comp kingpin that the Beast Mode namesake would imply. He made an alliance on Day 2 and stuck with it. He doesn’t realize that the Bomb Squad morphed into the Detonators–a quiet intra-alliance revolution that originally started because everyone thought Caleb was insane–but weirdly, his resolute loyalty to the Bomb Squad wound up working out just fine for him. (Being on the Detonators didn’t help Christine.)

If you set aside the endlessly disturbing stalking of Amber, the most memorable Caleb moment of the season came during the Battle of the Block when he refused to help Frankie. That moment plays out even more intriguingly in hindsight, now that #Fraleb are having playful dance parties up in the HoH throne room while the Hit Men scramble for some footing. Caleb is one of the great Frontstabbers in Big Brother history: He’s the guy who tells people things to their face. It’s hard to see how he could win this thing, but he’s left his mark on the house. (If Frankie strikes against the Hit Men, it’ll be because Caleb confessed the Backdoor Frankie plan.)

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“It takes a lot of skill and composure to make it to the final five,” said Victoria.

“I played an amazing social game,” said Victoria.

“I like to think of myself as a competition princess,” said Victoria.

“Derrick and I have strategized our way through this house,” said Victoria. “Every superhero needs a sidekick. Derrick, you’re the Robin to my Batman.”

Victoria swore that she would reward Derrick’s loyalty. Then she spent the rest of the day napping in the sunniest corner of the Big Brother yard, and she dreamed that Duke Froggington and his Airdrop Squadron flew down to pick her up on their giant winged attack-turtles and carried her away to a castle beyond the furthest rainbow, where they say the stars fall like raindrops and the raindrops taste like saltines. When Victoria awoke, two whole days had gone past. “What a wonderful dream!” she said… before discovering that she still wore Duke Froggington’s Ring Pop on her left thumb.

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Everyone is going crazy over the Gold Button. The theories are running wild. Cody thinks they might get sprayed with $100 bills. Derrick had a more sober assessment: “It’s gonna help somebody, and hurt somebody else.”

It’s still not quite clear to me how the #BBRewind twist is going to work out—will they replay the whole week in a single night, double-eviction style? Or is this entire week really a wash? No one has made any regrettable moves this week; Frankie has remained remarkably focused on taking out Victoria. The fact that Victoria will survive a little while longer is good news for fans of lithium absurdity, but it’s hard to imagine she’ll suddenly discover the strength to become Head of Household. But what if #BBRewind twist winds up giving Cody the Head of Household challenge? Or what if Caleb wins, and follows through on the threat to eliminate Frankie? This is one of the few weeks of the summer when things haven’t gone Derrick’s way–and coincidentally, it’s the one week of the summer when nothing that happens will actually matter.

Also, Caleb and Cody spent most of the afternoon “judy-chopping” the button. “Judy chopping”: Like Judo Chopping, but without any force, and the only person who gets hurt is the person doing the chopping.

NEXT: The Case For Frankie

I understand the Case Against Frankie. He is related to a famous person. He is hilariously vain and relentlessly narcissistic. Derrick walked in to congratulate him on his Veto victory and said “You’ve created a legend.” Frankie’s response: “I know.” He clearly thinks he is the greatest Big Brother player in history—something which looks especially bad considering that he’s on a collision course with Derrick, who has a legitimate claim to the Big Brother Hall of Fame and who has played a quiet and respectful (but still ruthless) game that stands in stark contrast to Frankie’s Neon-Peacock tomfoolery.

Whenever I say something nice about Frankie, a few dozen people chastise me for not watching the feeds, which I assume means that Frankie is getting a soft edit and spends most of his time on the feeds sacrificing virgins to Robo-Satan, beating baby dolphins into concussion comas with a cricket bat, and trying to quietly explain why he thinks that Guardians of the Galaxy is overrated. Frankie once described himself as “a YouTuber” and “a social media mogul,” two of the most punchable job descriptions in the history of curious employment. Am I missing something? It’s fair to say that he is “divisive.” It’s fair to say that there are people who don’t think Frankie is good at this game; that his utter inauthenticity is at odds with the spirit of Big Brother.

Nonsense, I say! This man is fine, enjoyably frustrating television. He’s won nine competitions this season and might very well win a few more—and when you factor that next to his good social game, you’re looking at a legitimate two-sport athlete. His all-too-visible role in the house this season has made more than a few enemies—his obsession with double-executing Nicole was unquestionable his Come-To-The-Dark-Side moment. And while his Endgame Nemesis Derrick has gotten more careful in this final month, Frankie appears to be spiraling into a full-blown meltdown. Why, on the latest episode, he spent most of the evening inside his HoH throne room, talking to himself:

“Nine comp wins. Person closest to me has five. Derrick and Cody have three. Victoria has one. Victoria—who’s Victoria? Did I dream her up? I’m the biggest target in the house. Biggest target on the planet. No one’s bigger than me, nobody! I’m a target, a neon sparkly glitter target! I’m the sun, if the sun were a disco ball, and the party never ended! Me! Frankie! Number One Top Grande! Steady now, Frankie. Don’t forget, the cameras are watching. Love you, Ari! Don’t love anyone. Anyone comes after me, I will have such revenges on them that all the world shall… I will do such things… what they are yet, I know not, but they shall be the terrors of the earth! You think I’ll weep? I’ll not weep! I have full cause for weeping, but this heart shall break into a thousand flaws, ere I’ll weep. Oh, I’m going mad, mad! The world shall judge me; they alone understand me. I miss Tumblr.”

Since nothing this week really matters, maybe it’s a good moment to take a look at how things stand inside the Big Brother house. Victoria won’t win, and only Derrick seems brutally strategic enough to bring her to the finish line. If Cody can get to the Final Two, he’s probably the biggest vote-getter—but who would risk bringing him that far? I’m not sure that Caleb has the votes to win, but I do think he has a few tricks left in his Adventure Hunting Guide pouch—Caleb’s ultimate legacy in Big Brother might be to clear the way for Derrick, taking out the bigger competitors while the Puppetmaster edges his way to the finish line. Derrick might actually have a few hurdles to cross on his way—or anyhow, he must have one hell of a Final Two speech ready, where he explains to the jury how he orchestrated all their exits and then kindly asks for their votes.

And then there’s Frankie. He can’t be HoH forever, and it’s hard to see how anyone would want to keep him. But what if he keeps winning competitions? What if he gets all the way to the end? Frankie’s strategy isn’t as elegant as Derrick’s, and it lacks the anvil-headed authenticity of Caleb’s—but could it keep him around for the final push?

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Team America had a new mission: Convince the other houseguests that there was a rat inside the house, and keep their fellow houseguests up for a full night. Frankie and Derrick played their roles perfectly. Frankie screamed; Derrick screamed; they acted as if they had just seen a rat with the face of Crossdressing Joey. The plan went perfectly; the other three houseguests reacted so immediately to the rat that I briefly thought they were playing a “Yes And” improv game. Like, here’s what happened to Cody:

(ASIDE: I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: The decision to force this season’s Big Brother contestants to exclusively wear neon-bright clothes is one of the best ideas that the evil Finnish psychotherapists who run Big Brother have ever had. END OF ASIDE.)

Caleb immediately announced his intention to destroy the rat. “Mah fre-yunds!” he exclaimed. “We must nawt allow this incursion into our domo-cile! I declare: The foot is agame!” Victoria was so excited, she accidentally revealed the inner spotlight that shines out of her head whenever no one is looking:

Team America kept the con running all night—occasionally spotting the rat hiding underneath some other corner of the kitchen. Together, using the power of friendship, they would defeat the enemy in their midst! How could they know—the poor, stupid fools—that there were two rats in the Big Brother house, one with a bright pink mohawk and the other so bland-colored that it almost seemed as if it wasn’t there at all? How could they know that the two rats had ruled this season completely, in the shadows and in the light?

“It’s hard to believe,” said Derrick, “that there’s a rat in the Big Brother house!” Victoria laughed, and Caleb laughed, and the dagger moved a little bit closer to their fully exposed backs.

Follow me on Twitter: @DarrenFranich