Lunch comes and goes and we corral back onto the van to get to Objectives. We when we arrive back at the course room, I am delighted to see that I have been EP’d off Objective 1. There is a whiteboard with our names on it. When we advance it is documented on the board. Now it is time for me to run Buster on Objective 1.

“Look around here and find something that is really real to you,” I command.

“I don’t know. That chair,” Buster replies.

“Good,” I acknowledge. “Look around here and find something you wouldn’t mind communicating with.”

“I am ready to cog,” he suggests.

“Already?” I ask. “Okay.”

“I realize that I can communicate with my environment,” he cogs. We resume running the session.

“Look around here and find something you wouldn’t mind being around,” I command.

“I wouldn’t mind being around you. On top of you, under you,” he answers.

A shudder creeps down my spine. What a complete tool. I cringe at the reality that I am likely going to be hearing several of these inappropriate originations by the time I am done running these drills.

“That’s not a valid response,” I respond. “Look around here and find something you wouldn’t mind being around,” I repeat.

“The table,” he answers.

“Good,” I acknowledge.

We continue to run the Objective and wander around the room. I have a horrible habit of enturbulating other people’s sessions.

“Hey girl hey,” I whisper to Keisha, as we stroll by her and Cody. They are sitting in chairs for their Objective.

“Hey girl hey,” she responds.

“Liz, stop enturbulating and run Buster on your Objective,” Makayla calls out.

“Sorry,” I call back.

“I am ready to cog again,” Buster suggests.

“Okie dokie,” I respond.

“I realize that I don’t have to live in the past anymore. That drugs have ruined my life and that I would rather be sober for my newborn daughter and fiance,” he cogs. I write it swiftly.

“How does that sound?” He asks.

“What do you mean? You are supposed to have a legitimate realization, not make shit up that you think sounds good,” I respond.

“Well, don’t you think that is a legitimate cognition?” He asks.

“Not now that you have basically confessed that it wasn’t,” I reply. “Besides I thought you knew the EP.”

“I do. We have this,” he says.

“Buster, we are both going to EP after one session on the first Objective. Everyone does. It doesn’t mean we’ve done anything spectacular. Don’t get your hopes up,” I instruct.

Finally, it is time for the 3 o’clock break. I write, “EOS” (End of session) on the worksheets and hand them in before loading onto the van. Once across the street I check my mail. There is consistently mail from my friend back home. She has sent me another missionary card today. It feels nice to get mail. There are many people here that don’t. I make my way to Hayden’s room (my old room).

“Hey girl Hey,” I call out. “Is your new roommate here?”

“Nope. She’s cool though,” Hayden responds. “Her name is Hailey. She is kind of a hippie soul chick with dreads.”

“Awesome. I like what she’s done with the place,” I laugh, while pointing at my old bed.

Of course it’s rehab. She hasn’t done much. She has the same standard issued bedding that we all have.

“Hey, did Tarantula ever get them pills girl?” I ask.

“I don’t know Liz. Honestly, I think the boys got them a few days ago and are lying about it to avoid breaking us off any,” she responds.

“That’s fucked up, but I wouldn’t doubt it. I really need something to get me through these damn objectives with Buster,” I complain. “He is such a little pervert. He keeps making sexual innuendos and not doing what he is supposed to do with our sessions. I really think I might explode!”

“Want to go smoke?” She asks.

“Definitely,” I agree.

We make our way up to the smoking benches by the pool. The boys are already gathered there. Ryan looks so ridiculously cute today. I have my shades (sunglasses) on, to avoid him noticing that I am staring at him. Buster makes his way over to our area. There is another student sitting with us named Aabid. He is Muslim and has dealt with a little backlash because of it. He is short, stocky and is an avid fan of the Dallas Cowboys. Buster thinks it is hilarious to crack terrorist jokes. Personally, I find them offensive.

“Hey terrorist what’s up?” Buster jokes.

“Bro, that’s fucked up,” Ryan laughs.

“Enough with the terrorist shit,” Aabid warns.

His warning doesn’t sound threatening. In fact, he never seems to be visibly angered by the jokes. His annoyance, however, is obvious. The only time I have witnessed Aabid get angry, is when Vinny too Skinny was paired up with him as roommates.

Vinny is Jewish and walked in on Aabid praying one day. He came out of the room screaming about not wanting to share a room with a terrorist. He went off about how unfair it was to expect him to share space with him, as a Jewish man. Aabid brought a prayer mat with him. Vinny actually had the audacity and disrespect to go into the room and wipe his feet on the prayer mat. Needless to say, Aabid was not happy and returned heated words. The two were separated and have avoided each other ever since.

“Buster, seriously dude. That shit ain’t funny,” I chime in.

“Aabid knows I am joking Liz. Chill out,” Buster replies.

“Well it’s not a funny joke. Over 3000 people died that day and Aabid was not flying a plane, so cool it,” I continue.

The group quiets, then laughs. Aabid wanders off and Buster takes a seat. Derek and Louis have been EP’d from sauna. Ryan, MaryJane and Hayden are still stuck in the box.

“I think I had the longest sauna stay in the history of sauna,” Derek suggests. “Forty five days has got to be a record.”

“Man, I better not be in that box 45 days,” Ryan jokes. “How long were you in the box Liz?”

“I was only in it for 18 days, but that’s rare. I think people average 25 days,” I respond.

“Fuck at 18 days, I was still as red as a lobster. The only reason I stopped reacting is because I started tossing my niacin,” Derek admits.

“Get the fuck out of here. You tossed your niacin? How did you get away with that?” MaryJane asks.

“Oh fuck dude. I had to toss my niacin too, or I was never getting out of there,” Louis chimes in.

“I never had to toss my niacin. I never reacted to it,” I confess.

“Shut it bitch,” Hayden jokes. “It sucks. The reaction stings and I am so over sauna!”

“I can’t wait for you to get out Hayden, so that you can come to the house,” I say.

“What is so special about the houses?” Hayden asks.

“I don’t know how to explain it. You just get a feeling like you are going home. It’s a lot quieter and there is more space for alone time. You only have to share the television with 3 other girls, or you can come watch the television in mine and Keisha’s room. It will be so fun,” I suggest. “I miss your face.”

“I know. I miss you too,” she smiles.

“I can’t wait to go to the houses. I want the big house. It’s the nicest house. There is a big flat screen TV and a pool table,” Derek informs us.

“I know and that’s complete bullshit. The guys houses have much nicer shit in them. This place is so fucking sexist, it’s sickening. We don’t even have a flat screen TV. It’s your standard box,” I laugh.

“Better than sharing a TV with 100 other students,” Ryan suggests.

“This is true,” I laugh.

“Plus, it is easier to sneak out of the houses for those late night booty calls. When you going to come knock on my window?” Buster asks me.

“You’re fucking tripping. Ain’t nobody coming to knock at your shit,” I say angrily.

“Why are you so mean to me?” He asks. “Damn.”

“Yeah come on Liz, the little nigga just trying to get some action,” Ryan jokes.

I move my sunglasses down to give him a glare before we here the warning,

“Two minutes,” Stormy calls out.

It is time for roll and then we have one final session of course. Buster and I load onto the van with the other Objective students. I will be happy when today is done. The houses really are better and I can’t wait to get home and lounge in my room with Keisha. We walk in and check the whiteboard. Buster has passed Objective 1. Now, on to Objective 2….

Today’s Theme Song- That’s All She Wrote- T.I. Featuring Eminem

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**DISCLAIMER: This is my personal experience at a Narconon Rehabilitation Center. This is not an expose or journalistic documentation. It is not meant to bash the program in any way, or suggest that it is the only rehab facility that works for recovery. I have been clean and sober since 09-27-13 and attribute much of that success to this program. All of the names in this series have been changed to protect the identity of my friends and sober family’s privacy! Thank you for reading!**