My Simple Pleasures rematch knew exactly what I needed, a decoy tail! You see, I fell asleep around some new people I met a few days ago. When I woke up, there was a giant zipper of stitches running down my stomach. I was told I had surgery to correct something or other. I feel great, always have, and I certainly do not recall ever being asked my opinion on any of it, but here I am with a shaved belly and a cone to sleep in at night. Great.

Everyone was being very kind to me. Everyone except my butthole sister, Rory. She's being a jerk, hissing and swatting at me. All I want to do is sleep. She says I smell all hospitally. That's when the package arrived. Inside was a perfect decoy tail. She can't tell the difference! I was able to heal up and am feeling great, now it's time to throw some weight around and remind her what this 14 pound hammer (that's what I call myself) can do!