If you are among the millions of Americans who are alarmed at the fact that the sitting President of the United States, in the midst of an active FBI investigation into his potentially criminal conduct, fired the director of the FBI for a proffered reason that could charitably be described as astonishingly and insultingly pretextual, I hope that you can take even the smallest measure of schadenfreudian joy knowing that beleaguered White House Press Secretary and noted World War II historian Sean Spicer is enjoying this disaster exactly as much as you are. From the Washington Post's incredible postmortem on how the White House scrambled to react Tuesday's news:

White House press secretary Sean Spicer wrapped up his brief interview with Fox Business from the White House grounds late Tuesday night and then disappeared into the shadows, huddling with his staff behind a tall hedge. To get back to his office, Spicer would have to pass a swarm of reporters wanting to know why President Trump suddenly decided to fire the FBI director.

To be clear, that's the White House's press secretary cowering in the bushes, like a terrified stand-up comic grappling with a last-minute bout of stage fright, because he is afraid of talking to the press.

After Spicer spent several minutes hidden in the bushes behind these sets, Janet Montesi, an executive assistant in the press office, emerged and told reporters that Spicer would answer some questions, as long as he was not filmed doing so.

"Hello assembled journalists, I am here as an emissary of Sean Spicer, who is both a seasoned communications professional and also an adult human, to convey the non-negotiable conditions under which he has agreed to abandon his shrubbery-laden bunker and do his job."

Spicer then emerged. “Just turn the lights off. Turn the lights off,” he ordered. “We'll take care of this. ... Can you just turn that light off?”

FUCK IT, WE'LL DO IT LIVE.

Spicer got his wish and was soon standing in near darkness between two tall hedges, with more than a dozen reporters closely gathered around him. For 10 minutes, he responded to a flurry of questions, vacillating between light-hearted asides and clear frustration with getting the same questions over and over again.

As Donald Trump cheerfully leads this country into a bona fide constitutional crisis, the months ahead are likely to be fraught with uncertainty, instability, and genuine concern for the integrity of America's democracy. In these trying times, may the indelible image of a panicked Sean Spicer deploying invaluable crisis management strategies gleaned from mid-90s episodes of The Simpsons sustain you when you need it most.

Watch Now:

Keith Olbermann on the Comey Termination