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As newspapermen, Howard and Mallison also knew that papers sent their staff home at about 3:30 a.m. and there was a gap before the daytime staff arrived in the morning. When a big story hits the office during that gap, it's one lone sleepy dude's judgment that decides if it will run the next morning. On May 17, Howard made a big gold investment. On May 18, he and Mallison forged the fake conscription announcement and sent it via courier to a few New York City newspapers.

Two major papers fell for it, the price of gold went up 10 percent, and Howard sold his shares and patted himself on the back with his new golden gloves. Of course, the only difference between an idiot and a genius is how far ahead they look for consequences. The fake story made it all the way to the Capitol, and the Union Army came to shut down the newspapers that published the report. Both Mallison and Howard were arrested for the scheme, but released after a few months.

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Hey, three hots and a cot ... oh, and a shit-ton of money when you get out.

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Howard and Mallison got the last laugh, though. Two months later, Lincoln put out a call for more troops, exactly as they said he would. In a Shyamalan twist, Lincoln had been planning to issue a conscription call all along, but the hoax forced him to postpone those plans. Howard and Mallison were not released in light of the news, however, because fraud isn't like horseshoes, where you get credit for landing close to the pole.

Sam would like you to know that he will never ever lie to you when he writes for the Hilltop Views. And especially not if you follow him on Facebook and Twitter.

We have some bad news: Paul Revere is only famous because his name fit the rhyme, Abraham Lincoln was a terrifying giant, and your favorite book sellers are now taking pre-orders for a textbook written and illustrated entirely by the Cracked team! Hitting shelves in October, Cracked's De-Textbook is a fully illustrated, systematic deconstruction of all of the bullshit you learned in school.

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It's loaded with facts about history, your body, and the world around you that your teachers didn't want you to know. And as a bonus? We'll also explain how Ulysses Grant was kind of a wuss.

You know why journalism is screwed? Dinosaur sex. And NBC's insane war with GM sure isn't helping. Have you heard those crazy stories about Internet Explorer users having low IQs, or Santa being to blame for childhood obesity? More lies from Journalism's ugly step-cousin.