Friday was Michael Bloomberg’s 78th birthday and the Washington Post gave a belated gift Saturday morning, a blast from the former New York City mayor’s past. “Aw, you shouldn’t have,” he must have said, seeing the news.

The paper has reprinted, in full, The Portable Bloomberg: The Wit and Wisdom of Michael Bloomberg, a gag birthday gift published by former Bloomberg L.P. chief marketing officer Elisabeth DeMarse 30 years ago. “Yes, these are all actual quotes,” it says in the introduction, adding “no, nothing has been embellished or exaggerated. And yes, some things were too outrageous to include.”

The Wit and Wisdom, an ersatz monograph on corporate culture, may plunge the 2020 political discourse into a new period. One can easily foresee people arguing if describing the Bloomberg Terminal device as something that “[can] do everything, include give you a blowjob. I guess that puts a lot of you girls out of business,” is as bad as “grab ‘em by the pussy.”

The pocket-sized collection has long been the stuff of lore. ABC News had a piece on it in December and Bloomberg himself distanced himself from the collection in 2001 during his first mayoral campaign. But today’s reproduction, as Bloomberg readies himself, at long last, to compete in Democratic primaries, is the first time citizens considering him for national office can scroll through his alleged recorded office musings.

Bloomberg’s campaign spokesman Stu Loeser, upon learning of the book’s imminent reproduction, said that the candidate “simply did not say the things somebody wrote in this gag gift, which has been circulating for 30 years and has been quoted in every previous election Mike has been in.” He did add that “Mike openly admits that his words have not always aligned with his values and the way he has led his life and some of what he has said is disrespectful and wrong.”

Not all of the 121 quotes, divided into sections like “On Computers” or “On Customer Service” will raise eyebrows. Some quotes are simply business-speak, the type of thing you half-hear while zoning out during a meeting. For example:

Everyone I know who is successful loves what they do. The question is: are they successful because they love what they do, or do they love what they do because they are successful? I don’t know. I suspect it’s a combination of both.

Other quotes, while admittedly coarse, are simply benign jokes, like this listed in the “On Profanity” section:

When the Wall Street Journal article came out saying I was profane, my dear old mother called me to ask me if it was true. ‘Ma,’ I said, ‘Fuck ‘em!’

Then there’s typical Manhattanite braggadocio, which might get a laugh at work, but probably isn’t something you want spreading around if you are, you know, running for President of the United States of America. Such as:

You know, there’s a Federal Law that prohibits the serving of good food west of 12th Avenue — look it up.

Or:

I make it a rule never to go to Queens — and since that eliminates both airports I don’t travel a great deal.

And then there’s the sexism and casual bigotry:

If women wanted to be appreciated for their brains, they’d go to the library instead of Bloomingdale’s.

The Royal Family — what a bunch of misfits — a gay, an architect, that horsey faced lesbian, and a kid who gave up Koo Stark for some fat broad.

The three biggest lies are: the check’s in the mail, I’ll respect you in the morning, and I’m glad I’m Jewish.

If Jesus was a Jew, why does he have a Puerto Rican first name?

Whenever my wife catches me eyeing some broad, she’s very careful to turn to me and say “That’s the most expensive piece of ass in the world!”

The scanned PDF also includes some cartoons.

In the middle of all this, however, one can find seeds of progressivism if you look really, really hard. One quote shows a surprising lack of fiery hatred concerning the topic of taxes, at least coming from a business tycoon whose fortune stemmed from letting Wall Street killers know about deals a fraction of a second ahead of the poor schmucks who couldn’t afford his proprietary information system.

There are two things I’d love to do more — have more birthdays and pay more taxes. If you have more birthdays, it’s obviously because you haven’t died yet, and if you pay more taxes, it’s clearly because you’re making more money.

Bloomberg has yet to appear in a Democratic debate.