“The only way to cure endometriosis is to get pregnant or have a hysterectomy.” This is what doctors are telling women every day. It is factually incorrect and potentially damaging. Furthermore, when women are diagnosed with endometriosis, often their doctors’ sole focus is on fertility. This has to change.

A research paper recently published by Monash University explores information given from doctors to women with endometriosis. The findings show that doctors are prioritising their patients’ fertility over pain and symptom relief, without asking them what’s more important. Not cool! It is infuriating that doctors are not only telling women but also teenagers to “go and have a baby”.

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Surely “let’s get you well” should come before “let’s get you pregnant”? The attention from health professionals seems to revolve entirely around fertility rather than the woman herself – as if she is purely a vessel for carrying children with no other aspirations.

Well, on behalf of the thousands of women with endometriosis I deal with in my job, I can tell you we are fed up. It’s time for health professionals to stop perpetuating the myth that pregnancy and hysterectomy are cures for endometriosis. They aren’t.

In my job at the awareness raising charity EndoActive, women write to me every day and tell me their stories.

These women are begging for relief from chronic pain but are persuaded to address their fertility before anything else. Fertility is important to most women, however –as the report’s authors acknowledge – “it is but one aspect of living with this complex condition”.

Along with chronic pain and fatigue, inability to work, go to school or socialise, financial burden, debilitating effects on mood, heavy bleeding, severe digestive disorders and other issues that prevent women with endometriosis from achieving their full potential, fertility is only part of the picture. Never mind if you’re gay, gender neutral, single or still in primary school. You’re a woman. You should put your dreams on the back burner and get pregnant. ASAP.

I was diagnosed with endometriosis at age 21, although I had suffered the painful symptoms since I was 11. Before my first surgery to remove endo, my doctor handed me a booklet on IVF with two parrots nuzzling each other on the front cover. I couldn’t understand why I was being encouraged to read about fertility treatments when my main concern was that I was living with chronic pelvic pain and severe digestive disorders.

I was falling behind at uni and missing work because of pain. I needed relief from my symptoms but my doctor was focused on my fertility. I was young, ill-informed and desperate to be “cured” … and desperation will do crazy things to a person.

Like most girls, I had spent my entire sexually active life trying not to get pregnant. Now all of a sudden I’m thinking I may never have kids but if I want them at all I should get cracking.

I spent months plotting ways of becoming pregnant. I was broke, in pain, still living at home. And single. And all I could think was: “So who’s going to be my baby daddy?”

There was no time to waste on Tinder but nothing a gay best friend and a turkey baster couldn’t fix. I quickly got on the phone to make sure I had sperm if I needed it. I even got my family on board: “If you want grandkids, now’s the time. Got any friends with gay sons? Call them. Now. We may need their spawn.”

In hindsight, I am disturbed by the lengths I went to. I was tortured. How can you look after a baby when you’re too sick to look after yourself?

What I should have been focusing on was how to treat my symptoms in ways that didn’t involve creating a human life. I wanted to live pain free, finish my degree and go out with my friends like a normal 21 year old.

Gradually I learned to ignore suggestions to get pregnant. My mum became my health advocate and together we developed a multidisciplinary pain management program through our own research. We learned that endometriosis is treatable through self-management.

I’m now 25, working two jobs, studying my master’s and best of all, living completely pain and symptom free. And I’m not a single parent.

On our EndoActive Facebook page we asked our 7,000 followers if their doctors had ever suggested pregnancy or hysterectomy as a cure for endometriosis. Out of 136 responses:

124 were urged to have a baby as a cure

48 had between 1-5 babies. All 48 report their pain is worse

34 were told to have a hysterectomy as a cure

13 had a hysterectomy

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Only 14 were told that having a baby or a hysterectomy is not a cure for endo. Only four reported their doctors gave great support and didn’t push fertility issues. One young girl commented: “My doctor told me having a baby would help my pain. I’m only 11.” And another: “My GP told me to go to the pub and have a one night stand and try to get pregnant before I missed the boat.”

It’s true that some women do find great relief from their symptoms after having a baby or a hysterectomy. However, many women continue to live with chronic pelvic pain and quite often get worse.

Health professionals must be re-educated and the paper by Kate Young, Jane Fisher and Maggie Kirkman confirms this point. For women and girls who are neither ready nor interested in starting a family, why push it?

There is no “cure” for endometriosis yet but there are plenty of different treatments that can assist with pain – medication, diet, exercise, physiotherapy and complimentary therapies. Empowering women with factual information and promoting a multidisciplinary approach to pain management should be the goal of any health professional treating patients with endometriosis.

And please – ask the woman her priority before favouring her fertility above treating her pain.