True Attitude. Moving Forward Despite Anxiety

“Anxious, anxious, and still anxious” is how Lay describes his mentality, new works, concert, and future plans… Everything reminds him that time is pressing. “Self-reflection, responses from the outside environment, this career itself, they all make me anxious. I constantly feel like there’s not enough time. The trend is changing, but I have to create my own content at the same time. It takes so much energy to create a song. Composing, mixing, MV filming, et cetera. I want to be involved in all these. Sometimes people would joke that ‘You’re such a micromanager’, but this is where my passion lies. I care about this deeply.” This sounded like he was trying to cheer himself up.

Looking back at Lay’s work in the past few years, from his first solo original track MONODRAMA in 2016, “rest” has become nonexistent. As he said, “Even if you give me a vacation, I wouldn’t know what to do. I would still be composing when I rest.” From Lose Control to Sheep, and then to NAMANANA, he’s a prolific musician with three albums in three years. Moreover, strict “PD Zhang” also has very high standards when it comes to the quality of his music. He said “Each and every song has to reach the highest level that I can take it at that moment. I’ll keep pursuing perfection. I’d rather not release anything until I’m satisfied with it.”

Lay Zhang x L’officiel Hommes August issue

His new EP Honey was still released on time even with the “nitpickingly” high standards he set for himself. He defined this relaxing song as one that “is charming, everyone can swing and sing along”. However, the process of making this song was not so relaxing. As a perfectionist, he put Honey on replay, tried it with all the headsets, wanting to find the best listening experience for this song.

“I’m anxious, but I can’t let myself stop” is how Lay confronts his anxiety. He once mentioned that if he’s not learning anything, he feels nervous. Talking about the confusion he’s facing lately, he was straightforward with his self-analysis. “Most of the setbacks came from poor efficiency, and the fatigue that comes occasionally. When that happens, I would think about my trainee days, from the beginning when there was no turning back and all I could do was ‘just practice’ for whole days, finding a path forward by working hard and being determined, up till now when even if I only get one or two hours of highly effective practicing time and the rest of the time I’m just sitting in the practice room, it still brings me peace.” He said.

Be persistent, be serious, be persistently serious. The longing and persistence Lay exhibited towards music is so clear and determined that it has brought questioning and mockery, just like how beautiful things tend to get destroyed easily and pure things tend to get stained easily. However, the questioning and mockery never stopped or changed him. “I express myself too bluntly, but I am myself. At the risk of being misunderstood, I still want to express myself as I wish. I’m still trying to figure out how to avoid or resolve any misunderstandings.” He frowned unconsciously as he was speaking, looking puzzled and helpless.

Later, he added: “All of these are one side of Lay Zhang. It’d be great to look at them as a whole. This kind of ‘reality’ is no way to measure and delimit. (For all of us) it’s a process to find, to recognize, and to be true to oneself.”

Although Lay discussed “anxiety”, his attitude is still bullish. “Lasting confusion and anxiety, they’re always waiting for you when you achieve a goal. I’m not sure if I can reach the final destination, so I want to keep on going.” “Non-stop-motor Zhang” also shifts to “self-ridicule mode”: “Look how positive my songs are, but sometimes I’m a little negative too.” The sudden joke and “small complaints” are like the magical surprises and kindness of The White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland, which makes people more willing to understand their inner world.

Music-holic. Conquering Through Musical Notes.

“You can laugh at someone’s hard work, but you cannot laugh at their dream.”

The ridicule that surrounds Lay’s hard work has never ceased. For some people, “working hard” and “dream” have somehow become two shameful terms. It seems that only “living idly”, “bubble tea”, or “stretching out on the sofa” are the mainstream “Offical Social Methods” among young people.

Facing such ridicule, Lay understands it in an open-minded but cute way. “I indeed want to change myself. But I can’t. Working hard is not dope at all. It’s because I’m not excellent enough to achieve my goals easily. There are no other shortcuts. I think you can laugh at someone’s hard work, but you cannot laugh at their dream.”

Lay’s dream of music is what keeps him moving forward. He also has never masked his enthusiasm and ambition for music. From his perspective, “enthusiasm” equals an “abundant love for something”, which equals “can’t help speaking for it once you see it”, which in turn equals “music and the stage”. Such enthusiasm brings his music to life. Just as he said, ‘Making music is not one-way. Music will give you a response. Creating is communicating. The stories I want to tell are all set. If there’s anything inappropriate, music will tell you so and inspire you properly.’

In the conversation with music, he has attempted many breakthroughs. For his first mini album Lose Control, he began to take on all the composing, arrangement, and lyrics. For his “second child” Sheep, he did a flash mob in Sanlitun. He even held a special preview letting strangers audit his songs in a blind selection for his “third child” NAMANANA, and collected every response and opinion by himself. The varied gimmicks show his intentions just like a worried parent. “Wanting people to like my music is too ambitious. What I hope is to let more people listen to my music and give them a chance to understand me. As for liking me or not, my work will determine that.”

After Honey was released, Lay set a new goal for himself: to make a mini album with romantic songs and to make songs that can be sung into people’s hearts. Even though he had just said, “I’ve been anxious these days because of my low efficiency,” he was motivated. He set a target number of compositions to create, will include romantic songs in the new album, and will ask a girl to perform with him in the music video, he joked, to add filming an MV with a girl to his resume.

As his first solo concert, Lay Zhang has set high expectations for Grandline like an “old father”. “The concert is a new challenge for me, and also to repay my fans. I know they have been waiting for a long time, so I hope I can cherish each moment and give them the best and most astounding stage. I don’t mind it being “too much”. I’m only afraid that it’s not “good enough”.

When asked to what extent it would be considered “too much”, he grinned childishly again and said “I have put so much into my concert, including the budgets for lighting, stage scenery, and music. I told the staff that I don’t need the performing fee, they could put more money to those.”

Lay Zhang x L’officiel Hommes August issue

In addition to the anticipated “complete, surprising, and different”, Lay has another romantic vision for this concert. If the concert is the sea, every audience member joining this “voyage” “will be receiving a drift bottle from me. In this bottle would be my innermost thoughts, my dreams, my hopes. I would like to share that with everyone.”

The concept of Grandline has been embedded in Lay’s heart for a long time. When NAMANANA was released, the final element “ship” was added to the MV. Lay watched that ship sail toward a faraway land. He interpreted it as, “One day, I will conquer lands in this ship that carries my dream.” Captain Lay’s voyage aims toward the vast universe.

Believe in oneself, honing the dream with growth

Lay Zhang’s goal: World-class singer, dancer, and musician

Lay used “fusing, refining, and growing” to describe his music making journey. “From my inexperienced 1st album to the present day, it’s been a process of growing up. By collaborating and communicating with music producers and other musicians, and learning from their experience and techniques, I’m able to connect the different music fields I’ve been exposed to. For example, trying to merge different genres like Peking Opera, Kunqu, and Chinese folk music to inject vitality to my music and give them space to grow in a different musical environment.

These attributes in his music seem to have a coincidental, but also inevitable, similarity to his own life experience. Member of an idol group, singer & dancer, reality show star, actor, mentor, music producer… These different roles brought him opportunities as well as an identity crisis. Fortunately, once he learned to incorporate these experiences, they all contribute to his steady growth.

The reality show Go Fighting gave him a nationally recognized new image of “Little sheep”, one loved by a huge audience. He also found true friendship with his “older brothers” on the show after surviving their good-natured hazing. When reminded of his adorkable behaviors, he frankly and humbly acknowledged that he really had no chance of winning, since his poker face is useless in front of the other, decades older cast members. However, as the newest season of Go Fighting comes to an end, people have all witnessed Lay’s gradual transformation into a “Little fox”.

As an actor, he got excellent results as well. He was awarded the Best Supporting Actor in the Huading Awards for his performance in The Island. When asked which character resembles him the most, his answer was surprising: “Every role I’ve played will forever remain in their own worlds. Every one of them has their merits, but none of them is ‘Lay Zhang’…” He hesitated for a few seconds and continued seriously, “I hope ‘Lay Zhang’ is a world class singer, dancer and musician.”

Lay Zhang x L’officiel Hommes August issue

When saying the word “musician”, he seemed particularly serious and cautious. Like the hero from a hot-blooded manga, every declaration of his dream has a sense of ritual like he’s announcing it to the whole world. Even though the same declaration has been repeated in every episode thousands of times, it still has this raw power that can touch people. He also mentioned, “I hope my music can make my fans feel confident and proud to love me.” “I hope that I can write a song that can be known by every household, so everyone can sing together.”

I believe these wishes will become reality, just like “dreams will never fall in the rainforest, and sails will never fall during the journey”. You can’t quit being hardworking or having dreams, so the only way forward is to be fearless and fight with all that you’ve got. “Captain Lay” is expanding his territory, and there are tens of thousands of possibilities as to the unknown destination. To be continued.

Interview and edited by L’officiel Hommes China

Translated by XtweetTRANS