As a mainstreamed deaf individual, communication has never come easy to me. As my age and hearing loss increased, so did the number of times I found myself asking, “What?” in conversation. Growing up, my audiologist showed me consistent, severe drops on my audiogram — a graph that details a one's hearing — and it only made me feel more unsure of my place within the hearing world.

Resorting to hearing aids and cochlear implants has helped me survive verbal conversations as they provide and amplify sounds I would otherwise miss completely. However, they will never completely bring my hearing back.

My lack of hearing and lack of fluency in American Sign Language (ASL) has landed me smack dab in the middle of the hearing world and the Deaf world. My entire being feels divided.

Every time I engage in conversation, I struggle to understand people when they speak to me, whether verbally or in ASL.

In the hearing world, my brain is constantly in overdrive, attempting to string bits and pieces of mechanical sound into sentences. In the Deaf world, it is the same as I try to keep up with converting movement into language.

Luckily, I just made my first Deaf friend, Nyle Dimarco, who has been a bright light in this communication fog. Spending time with him helps me to see a future in which I will be fluent in sign language, and able to navigate conversations with ease.

In the video we made together for them., Nyle and I discuss LGBTQ+ vocabulary in ASL. I remember feeling complete comfort on set with Nyle as both a deaf and queer individual. I am forever grateful for this experience, because prior to filming, I had never felt there was a community for these two aspects of my identity, together. I can only hope this video will prove to be representation for other queer, D/deaf individuals. I wish to share this same feeling of inclusivity and acceptance with them.

Chella Man is a 19-year-old deaf, genderqueer, queer artist currently transitioning on testosterone. He is studying virtual reality programming at The New School in New York City while creating art on the side. His main focus is to educate others on issues regarding being queer and disabled within a safe space.

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