ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Our local voice in Canberra has told reporters that he spat his Crunchy Nut out all over his iPad this morning after learning he’d just become the Minister for Tractor Pulls while watching Sky News breakfast.

The Hon. Cole Buttkiss of the National Party has been Betoota’s federal member for the past 24 years and in that time, he has yet to be responsible for a portfolio.

Until now.

Instead, the 75-year-old has been dedicated to solving local issues such as housing affordability, salinity, heterosexual extremism, feline AIDS and gentrification.

Speaking candidly to The Advocate this morning, Mr Buttkiss said he was ‘saddened’ and ‘disappointed’ that he’s been given a portfolio, saying it might force him to do some actual work.

“The Tractor Pull portfolio is one that comes with great responsibility and power,” he said.

“More power than I’m willing to be responsible for. I enjoyed being a backbencher, I was good at it. I’ve been a backbencher for almost a quarter century. I had the job down pat,”

“Now I have to have meetings with [Michael] McCormack and the Prime Minister every other day, where they’ll probably ask me questions about tractor pulls that I don’t have answers for,”

“This is just so disappointing. I’m so jealous of Barnaby. It’s going to be a long three-years for me.”

The Advocate reached out to The Office of the Prime Minister for comment but have yet to receive a reply.

The Deputy Prime Minister’s Office replied but the entire email was in the subject field and was cut off halfway through.

More to come.

