In the wake of school shootings, lots of people come forward with their solutions to fix the problem. Leftists demand we ban all the full-semi-auto black assault cannons with heat-seeking missiles. Pro-gunners suggest loosening concealed carry restrictions and arming teachers.

This school is not just arming the teachers, they're arming the students as well. With a bucket of rocks.

There’s a rocky controversy when it comes to school safety in Schuylkill County. The superintendent of the Blue Mountain School District is in the spotlight after telling lawmakers in Harrisburg his students protect themselves against potential school shooters with rocks. “Every classroom has been equipped with a five-gallon bucket of river stone. If an armed intruder attempts to gain entrance into any of our classrooms, they will face a classroom full students armed with rocks and they will be stoned,” said Dr. David Helsel.

Just when you think you've heard it all.

I mean, the district could simply permit their teachers to carry Constitutionally-protected devices that fling rocks made of lead. Instead, they expect the kiddos to make like they're in Lord of the Flies. Bash the baddies' brains in with chunks of granite! Rock! Rock! Rock!

Maybe the district can find money in the budget for shoelaces. That way, the youngsters can tie a rock to each end and fashion bolas. Or perhaps the kids can make cages from bamboo in shop class to drop on the shooter when he enters the classroom. Let's also not forget about a giant bucket held up with a stick, with a string tied to it. Then when a hungry kitty-cat comes lurking in for a mouse, you can catch it!

Jokes aside, a bucket of rocks is hardly a solution for school shootings. I highly doubt those children would stand much of a chance going up against a madman packing some serious heat with river stones. The David vs. Goliath story isn't meant as a user's guide. Heck, even David used a sling.

On the other hand, I suppose having a couple pebbles is better than nothing. It sure beats anything David Hogg is proposing.

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