Imported directly from M-SITE 11/3/85/UK, this premium grade collection of exotic blue matter provides the following benefits:

+Re-harmonization of discordant chakra

+Amplified empathy, mood elevation, stress relief

+Detoxification, healthier skin, firmer stool

Premium class samples represent irradiated soil (8.5 or higher on the Cherenkov-Glass meter) hand-salvaged directly from the voided foundation of Cartwithen Castle in Gwynedd, North Wales, or within the estimated radius (150 meters) of the teleportation event. Each 10-gram bag comes sealed with a detachable and collectible atomic symbol clasp (platinum) and a certificate of authenticity. Guaranteed non-carcinogenic. No exchanges or refunds.