If you or someone you know is suicidal, or you believe they may be, please take the time to connect to your local CISD team or other resources available in your area. A simple Google search for “Suicide Crisis Hotline” along with the name of the city or town you live in may also be helpful in locating resources. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 any time, day or night, 365 days a year, to speak with a trained counselor at no cost.

“They were cleaning the gun when it went off unexpectedly.”

This line is something which we’ve all unfortunately come to hear far too often in the modern era, when one of our own, brought low by the depression and personal problems which can come hand-in-hand with seeing what we do over the course of our careers, makes the tragic decision to end their own life. While it’s important that we choose to try to help and protect the surviving family members by making this statement – and it is, in fact, a true statement in a small percentage of the cases – we also need to recognize it for what it represents in reality when we hear it said, and come to terms with what it reflects about how we take care of each other, and ourselves.

I’m Okay…

We sometimes seem to accept that the hazards of our job include not only witnessing the suffering of others, but being subjected to psychological trauma of our own – and that that’s okay and normal. Our coworkers go through multiple divorces over the course of their careers, and it’s seen as something which just happens with cops… we even laugh about it a lot of times, even though it represents the breakdown of the most intimate relationship we have, and in many cases shouldn’t be a laughing matter.

Ask yourself this: how many things do you go through as a cop which you would categorize as problematic if you ran into someone else experiencing them on the street, or off duty? We’re pretty quick to point to the homeless guy, or the drunk suburbanite, and say “wow, that guy has a drinking problem,” but what do we do with coworkers who go out and drink heavily multiple times in the same week, or drink alone at home? The answer is the same for many of us: it’s just something normal for a cop, part of how we cope. Right? Wrong.

At the same time as we’re accepting these things as normal for people in our profession, we also make it impermissible to talk about anything approaching a problem, because we believe that due to the nature of our job, we should try to be perfect all the time, or as close to it as possible. Admitting you have an issue going on is tantamount, in many minds, to weakness – so, for many of us, the standard answer when someone asks if something is wrong is to say no, that you’re okay. (For more about this, see our previous article on burnout.)

Think about the last domestic violence call you went on, for example, to see why this can become an issue: if it’s a first-time offense, do you think it was just an isolated incident on one night which led to it, or do you think that there was a lot of build-up to it in the form of small fights and unexpressed resentment? Probably the latter, and the same is true for us when these stressors are internalized day by day – eventually, they’re going to come out, either in the form of aggression towards others, or, depending on what the circumstances are and the type of person, depression and possibly even suicide.

I’m Not Okay…

For the first type of person, the one who becomes aggressive, we have a pretty good set of ways to act counter to it, because it’s readily observable, and therefore can be addressed with direct action. You see a fight, you arrest the aggressor, right? But for those who turn inward, there is no such easy path to recognition and resolution – unless we know what to look for, and are ready to intervene when we see it. It’s much harder to tell when someone’s fighting with themselves, unless they are actively doing harm to their body, and at that point it might already be too late: some who commit suicide don’t attempt it first, they just do it, and we find them after the fact. I’m sure some of you have been on those calls, and we’ve all heard of them.

For those in the covert fight which is depression, which can come about just as easily from repeated environmental stressors as anything else (and which is made much worse in those who have a baseline depression to begin with), many other things are thrown into the mix, including the circumstantial stress which comes part and parcel with being in a relationship with someone.

We as cops, as with anyone in public safety, place a high value on protecting others – it’s our job. But that same protective instinct can also lead us to shield our own problems from others, because we erroneously believe that we are protecting them by not “burdening” them by sharing that we are having trouble. Therein lies the root of much of the relationship trouble we see, compounded by the additional stressors that come about as part of such things like shift work, and the nature of what we do while we’re on the job. We stop communicating with our loved ones and withdraw (sometimes into ourselves, and sometimes, unfortunately, into a bottle) out of the belief that our suffering is ours alone to bear. It isn’t.

Go Away

How many people do you know on the job who become sullen, withdrawn, grumpy, or seem to simply stop caring about things that they used to love? People who you look at and think “boy, they’re not as much fun as they used to be,” or maybe “jeez, what’s their problem?” How many of them have developed substance abuse problems? How many have gotten divorced, or had problems with their family relationships? Had you even given them a second thought before now, or had you just written them off as people with their own things to deal with, which you didn’t have any place in? For most of us, with our own stuff to deal with, the answer is mostly in the third category there.

For someone who’s on the road to committing suicide, that type of external isolation, combined with the isolation they often impose on themselves, is a recipe for a downward spiral which they may not be able to recover from on their own. They lose perspective on the real world, and start living in an internal world in which the good in their lives is downplayed to the point of non-existence, at which point they don’t see the point of moving forward or fighting with themselves anymore, and choose to end their existence as well.

It’s not often until after that point has been reached, and they have killed themselves, that we realize the good value that they had in our own lives and the lives of others. We wonder to ourselves what we could have done differently, or if there were any signs that we missed – and the brutal truth is that sometimes, the answer is yes to both. Fortunately, we can still act now, however, with those people who do fit the categories outlined above, and have begun to withdraw into themselves, before they reach the point where we have to think about what we would have done had we had the chance.

Come Closer

Part of helping is knowing what to look for. What follows are some of the clinical signs that you can look for which might indicate that your coworker is having more than just a bad day.

Excessive sadness or moodiness: Long-lasting sadness, mood swings, and unexpected rage.

Long-lasting sadness, mood swings, and unexpected rage. Hopelessness: Feeling a deep sense of hopelessness about the future, with little expectation that circumstances can improve.

Feeling a deep sense of hopelessness about the future, with little expectation that circumstances can improve. Sleep problems.

Sudden calmness: Suddenly becoming calm after a period of depression or moodiness can be a sign that the person has made a decision to end his or her life.

Suddenly becoming calm after a period of depression or moodiness can be a sign that the person has made a decision to end his or her life. Withdrawal: Choosing to be alone and avoiding friends or social activities also are possible symptoms of depression, a leading cause of suicide. This includes the loss of interest or pleasure in activities the person previously enjoyed.

Choosing to be alone and avoiding friends or social activities also are possible symptoms of depression, a leading cause of suicide. This includes the loss of interest or pleasure in activities the person previously enjoyed. Changes in personality and/or appearance: A person who is considering suicide might exhibit a change in attitude or behavior, such as speaking or moving with unusual speed or slowness. In addition, the person might suddenly become less concerned about his or her personal appearance.

A person who is considering suicide might exhibit a change in attitude or behavior, such as speaking or moving with unusual speed or slowness. In addition, the person might suddenly become less concerned about his or her personal appearance. Dangerous or self-harmful behavior: Potentially dangerous behavior, such as reckless driving, engaging in unsafe sex, and increased use of drugs and/or alcohol might indicate that the person no longer values his or her life.

Potentially dangerous behavior, such as reckless driving, engaging in unsafe sex, and increased use of drugs and/or alcohol might indicate that the person no longer values his or her life. Recent trauma or life crisis: A major life crises might trigger a suicide attempt. Crises include the death of a loved one or pet, divorce or break-up of a relationship, diagnosis of a major illness, loss of a job, or serious financial problems.

A major life crises might trigger a suicide attempt. Crises include the death of a loved one or pet, divorce or break-up of a relationship, diagnosis of a major illness, loss of a job, or serious financial problems. Making preparations: Often, a person considering suicide will begin to put his or her personal business in order. This might include visiting friends and family members, giving away personal possessions, making a will, and cleaning up his or her room or home. Some people will write a note before committing suicide. Some will buy a firearm or other means like poison.

Often, a person considering suicide will begin to put his or her personal business in order. This might include visiting friends and family members, giving away personal possessions, making a will, and cleaning up his or her room or home. Some people will write a note before committing suicide. Some will buy a firearm or other means like poison. Threatening suicide: From 50% to 75% of those considering suicide will give someone -- a friend or relative -- a warning sign. However, not everyone who is considering suicide will say so, and not everyone who threatens suicide will follow through with it. Every threat of suicide should be taken seriously.

When you see these in others, it’s critically important to connect with them – either personally, or through mental health professionals (such as a CISD team in your area) which can reach out to them in a way which will not aggravate their issues by making them feel stigmatized or labeled. But the point is, make sure you reach out to them, because chances are that they have lost the ability to see themselves accurately, and the only way they will be able to reconnect to the positivity in their life is through the eyes of another, combined with the opportunity to explore and work through the causal factors in their world which led them to feel as they do.

Suicide is preventable, if we take the time to notice and care about those of us who are feeling the impacts of tragedy and stress in their lives, and perhaps most importantly, if we realize that some of those things which we see in some ways as inevitable or “natural” parts of the law enforcement life – be it getting divorced, developing a drinking problem, or becoming burnt out – are in fact highly unnatural , and have no place in keeping ourselves healthy and happy over the course of a career in which we will, by dint of the work we do, be exposed constantly to stress (administrative as well as public-contact-based). Sometimes, saving a life is as simple as paying attention, and we should be focused as tightly on preventing deaths in our own ranks as we are on our mission to save the lives of the public. Perhaps when we get better at doing so, the number of gun-cleaning accidents we read about will finally drop off dramatically, or, with some hope, disappear from our news nearly completely.

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If you or someone you know is suicidal, or you believe they may be, please take the time to connect to your local CISD team or other resources available in your area. A simple Google search for “Suicide Crisis Hotline” along with the name of the city or town you live in may also be helpful in locating resources. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 any time, day or night, 365 days a year, to speak with a trained counselor at no cost.

If you’d like to talk confidentially to someone about anything stressful having to do with public safety in a situation other than an immediate crisis, please reach out to Safe Call Now, a nationwide nonprofit organization dedicated to helping all who work in the field, sworn or civilian, redistribute the load of suffering through understanding and shared strength. Don’t hesitate to call them anytime, day or night, at 206-459-3020, or by email form at the following link: contact Safe Call Now.

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Greg Bogosian is certified as a Reserve/Intermittent Police Officer by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, and spent twelve years working as an EMT-Basic, including four years as a field EMT and dispatcher for the City of Boston EMS. He was additionally a member of a Federal medical disaster relief team for ten years, with experience responding to the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, and the pre-deployment of resources for Hurricane Ike. Greg currently has a passion for educating public safety professionals about matters which impact their lives every day, and welcomes feedback and suggestions in the spirit of ensuring that best practices make it out there for all to benefit from.