If you were in charge of hiring school crossing guards, you’d be ill advised to hire Rob Ford; he sets a poor example for children.

If you were in charge of hiring transit drivers, you would not hire Rob Ford. Never mind his well-documented and apparently ongoing alcohol abuse. I merely remind you of the photo of Ford reading and driving at the same time, and the allegation that he gave the finger to another driver.

Would you hire Rob Ford to record books on tape for the blind? He has trouble with the English language.

If you were looking for someone to run a Boys and Girls Club, or to be a scoutmaster, or if you were recruiting for Big Brothers, you would run away from him as fast as you can, if only to follow the lead of the school board, which dropped him as a leader of young men.

He has no concept of the role of women in society, so you would not hire him to work anywhere near or with women or girls — and I mean for more reasons than what he gets enough of to eat at home; also for more reasons than his wanting women to phone him, any time, so he can explain to them how politics works.

He is not comfortable with diversity, so you wouldn’t want Rob as a volunteer donating his time to newcomers. After all, he is reported to have called a cab driver a “Paki” while in one of his “stupors”; not to mention that remark about “Orientals” working like dogs, or his notion that Toronto already has too many new Canadians.

Oh, and when I say he is uncomfortable with diversity, neither would you let him give time to the LGBT community; even if he was so inclined, it’s against his family tradition.

By the way, Ford claims he has many gay friends and acquaintances, but I have never once heard anyone from that community rush to his defence.

And until he makes good on his promise to get his drinking under control — and until you are dead certain he’s clean of all those other substances — you would not want him working in the sphere of harm reduction.

Not even as a peer counsellor.

An aside: I still don’t understand how a man with a wife and kids at home gets to tramp around town, in the company of dopes and jerks and yahoos, at all hours of the night.

Family values, my eye.

My point is that the list of jobs Rob Ford is disqualified from doing, or applying for, is long; longer still is the list of positions for which he would not be accepted as a volunteer.

And yet we have elected him — that’s hiring, in a democracy — to run the biggest city in the country, and some people would vote for him again.

Here’s what’s worse:

According to the rules, people who do not live in Toronto can donate money to his re-election campaign, while at the same time we who live and work and pay taxes in Toronto face the galling prospect of seeing our own good money sent outside the city as rebates.

This is the sort of gravy Mr. Big Boy would have leapt on in the old days.

I approach this election with unusual distaste. If other candidates are flawed — and some are flawed by their ambition, and others by their inflated self-regard — not a single one of them is as flawed as Ford.

Two questions in summary:

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Why is Ford still eligible to run for mayor? And why the hell are we giving rebates to those of his supporters who neither live, work nor vote here?

Have a nice weekend.