Infowars creator Alex Jones visited Lithuania to investigate reports of lethal lesbian lizards causing chaos in the country. According to Jones, both US President Donald Trump and Russian Overlord Vladimir Putin personally instructed him to collect intelligence on the revolutionary reptiles. These creatures were reportedly placed in Lithuania as eggs during the Obama administration with a plan to demoralize the population through the reptilian control of the media and academia with subversive tactics to shame and emasculate the nation's youth, leaving the country susceptible to foreign invasion.

"These lizards are fully grown lesbian reptiles, you see," said Jones to a Flake News reporter also covering the case. "This is different than gay frogs and transgender toads. These aren't innocuous amphibians just minding their own business looking to live their lives. These are globalist lizards with a socialist agenda looking to control your children!"