Stephen Hawking Going Through a Hole Phase

Jan 26, 2018

The world-renowned British theoretical physicist—known for his contributions to the fields of cosmology, general relativity, and quantum gravity—has gotten really into Hole lately.



“I love the shape of her mouth as she screams,” he said in an exclusive interview with The Tilted Glass. “So circular. Love has this sweet but bad vibe. She’s become an unconventional hero for me. Somehow she erases all conventions while simultaneously retaining them. There is something profoundly paradoxical there, on a deeply atomic level.”

He then added “I want to be the girl with the most cake.”

The ground-breaking physicist and ultra-Hole-fanboy has even begun to develop his own theories regarding Hole.

“There must be some kind of radiation emitted by Love. At her horizon there seems to be special pair created. One that sings just for me. As if I am the other half of her song, the antiparticle which balances her. So I am listening closely to the beat. I will prove that Love plays a second universal frequency that runs parallel and simultaneously to the grunge noise, if I can just hear the damn beat.”

By ‘Love’ of course he meant Courtney Love, the lead singer of this ‘90s Los Angeles punk rock band. Although in this world of quantum physics, reality is never what it seems.

So will this phase end soon for the author? Not in a billion years. His friends say he’s obsessed. It has become a kind of vortex, one that has been pulling him deeper and deeper inward with absolute pressure, into a vast dark place, until one day his position and motion were suddenly fixed upon Hole at once and he just popped like a bang and began furiously writing, outputting this spell of creation that poured from the light of his speech-generating device to form a new book on the topic.

“I’m calling my new book A Brief History of Rhyme," he shared with us excitedly. "My goal is simple. It is complete understanding of the unique sound of Hole, why it is as it is, and why it exists at all.”

We wish him the best of luck and high hopes that he finds something pretty on the inside.