Option #6: Play To The Crowd

If you've tried all of the above and you're still not getting anywhere, wow--you're really terrible at this. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and let's face it: you're desperate. You know that can of Lightning Bolt you've been saving for an emergency? This is it. Crack that sucker open--looks like you're pulling an all-nighter. When all else fails, you can always fall back on statistics. Here's a doozy for you: Every time you mention Civil Liberties being trampled in some way, the number of Diggs you will receive increases tenfold. Try incorporating that theme into your article if possible, even if it has little or nothing to do with it. Your cat died and you wrote a 400,000-word poem about him? Who's to say that GEORGE W. BUSH didn't kill him? You posted a blog entry about how to bake delicious blueberry muffins? Well if the muffins are so delicious, then why is THE GOVERNMENT TRYING TO SILENCE YOU? Your dad blocked your BitTorrent? Don't you mean COMCAST did it? Whatever you're writing, just keep telling yourself that the government doesn't want people to know about it. Sink into your paranoia like it's a hot bath, and be ready to accuse anyone and anything of attempting to "censor" you. Claim to have been tased, say you're a Scientologist and take down your own post, then write passionate diatribes on two different blogs arguing back and forth over the latest Apple product. It might seem silly while you're doing it, but trust me: Hot button issues like these pay serious dividends on Digg. Why not cash in?