Part of the campaign:

Welcome back everyone to the second round of Groundhog Day Mk. VIII! Last time, Polynesia surprised us all by easily steamrolling to victory. What, then, does this next round have in store for us? Let's find out!

The second cities are up, and I honestly can't remember whether any of them are different from the previous round, though I'm sure some are. Of note: neither Poverty Point nor Scotland has settled their second city yet. (Beginning with round three I was finally able to fix Scotland's desire to settle on the opposite side of the map.)

Eventually, both civs settle. Scotland decides that settling on the other side of the Netherlands and the Manx is a good idea. I would have to disagree.

The first war breaks out when Tunis and the Dervishes attack the Buccaneers. This is probably because Henry Morgan already has four cities somehow.

Madagascar attacks Bulgaria, just like last round, while the Almohads also declare war on Krum and Portugal attacks Scotland.

Unsurprisingly, Madagascar captures Preslav, though at least they aren't razing it this time.

If you noticed a couple slides back, the Almohads also attacked Bulgaria, and they've taken Tarnovo.

Portugal accomplishes its mission and takes Glasgow from Scotland, but Pombal decides to raze the city, even though it's in a very good location.

Pombal then turns his gaze against Serer! Kahone is vulnerable and Portugal's army is large, so Ama Joof had better watch out.

Ouch. Portugal takes Kahone and begins to advance on Diakhao.

However, the Manx and the Netherlands soon declare war on Portugal to try and capture the recent forward settle of Sintra.

However, Serer snipes the city before either of the other two civs could get their hands on it. Incredible.

Two more civs try again to attack the Buccaneers after the initial attempt by Tunis failed. It's not clear that they'll be any more successful.

Henry Morgan gives away Nassau in a peace treaty with the Dervishes. Mohammed Hassan will be hard pressed to defend it, but it does come with Cerro de Potosi.

Serer makes peace with Portugal and gives Sintra back to Pombal. Portugal is still at war with the Netherlands and the Manx, however, so this city won't last long.

Sure enough, the Netherlands take it mere moments later, although the Manx did most of the damage.

Meanwhile, in a war I failed screenshot, Milan captures Athens and exiles Greece to a snow city.

Polynesia declares war on Portugal (who are now also at war with the Papal States) while in the background, the Aztecs attack Brazil.

The Aztecs quickly make peace with Brazil and receive Sao Paulo in the peace treaty. That's one way to expand, I guess.

Turkey attacks the Almohads! Tarnovo is utterly screwed, but the rest of Almohads territory is probably safe.

Meanwhile, Andorra's declaration of war against the Buccaneers backfires as Henry Morgan takes Escaldes.

Sure enough, Turkey takes Tarnovo with little trouble.

Andorra retakes Escaldes with two spearmeen and then makes peace with the Buccaneers. I guess Henry Morgan had already walked off with all the booty the city had to offer and saw no point in taking it again.

However, Andorra gives the city to Milan just three turns later in a separate peace treaty. But Tunis immediately attacks Milan, ensuring that the city will soon change hands yet again.

Meanwhile, the Almohads give away Marrakech to Turkey. I would say that Ataturk is guaranteed to lose it, but the only civ in a position to take it is the Almohads themselves.

Abd al-Mu'min soon gets a replacement for Marrakech when he receives Sofia in a peace treaty with Bulgaria.

And unsurprisingly, Tunis has captured Escaldes, uniting the two halves of their empire.

Time for the turn 100 stats! The Dervishes have the largest army at the moment, while the Papal States and the Manx are almost tied for second, which is quite surprising.

The Netherlands lead by one tech, probably due to their high population.

And the Dervishes also lead in production, though only just, as their neighbours Poverty Point are only two hammers behind.

Anyway, we return to the action to see that Polynesia has captured Lisbon and immediately made peace with Portugal, ensuring that the city stays orange. The Manx actually did most of the damage, which leaves me feeling a big salty that they didn't get to capture it.

Instead, Illiam Dhone attacks Scotland, which has a decent size army but no production with which to back it up.

Poverty Point builds the Great Wall, making them even harder to attack than they already were. Seriously, Táhera's defensive intelligence is insane.

Oh, apparently this was a thing. Turkey has captured Pliska, eliminating Bulgaria in 21st place. It's odd that no one was eliminated until turn 112.

Turkey then attacks Poverty Point! Jaketown is vulnerable, but with the Great Wall backing them up, it won't be easy to capture.

Oh. Well then. Poverty Point makes peace with Turkey and gives away Jaketown, which actually connects Marrakech to the rest of the Turkish empire. At the rate he's growing, I would say Ataturk is now the strongest contender for victory.

The Papal States attacks Portugal again! It's critical that Innocent III take Porto, because a strip of its territory is cutting off his third city from his capital.

Polynesia joins the war! Portugal is definitely in major trouble now.

The Papal States take Porto! Finally, the empire of Innocent III is united!

Five turns later, the Papal States also take Kahone, eliminating Pombal of Portugal in 20th place.

And five turns after that, the Manx capture Edinburgh, eliminating Robert the Bruce of Scotland in 19th place.

Tunis makes peace with the Dervishes and gives away Kairouan! Somehow, Mohammed Hassan is building an empire around Lake Potosi only by receiving cities in peace treaties.

The Isle of Man declares war on the Netherlands! While certainly bold, it's not at all clear that this is a good idea.

However, the Netherlands give away Rotterdam in a peace treaty with Turkey, undermining any impression of competence they might have had. At this rate, Turkey is going to acquire half the map through peace treaties alone.

Somehow, the Dervishes manage to snipe Edinburgh from the Isle of the Man. However, Illiam Dhone has made peace with William, ensuring that the city will soon belong to the Manx again.

The Dervishes and Buccaneers both attack Tunis! Is this an opportunity for Mohammed Hassan to get more cities in peace treaties, or will he just lose Kairouan?

Regardless, the Dervishes are on the offensive elsewhere too, as they attack the Netherlands to try and seize Utrecht.

The Buccaneers capture Escaldes, tragically leaving no cities for Tunis to give away to the Dervishes.

The Dervishes take Utrecht! Once those last Dutch units are cleared up, there will be no hope of recapture.

Polynesia and Madagascar both declare war on the Aztecs, but if anything comes of this, it will be that Polynesia loses Raiatea. There's simply no way they can defend that.

And then the Buccaneers capture Tunis, eliminating Abu Zakariya of Tunis in 18th place.

Polynesia takes the island city of Texcoco, but the Aztecs have more advanced naval technology and should be able to take it back easily.

Sure enough, not only does Montezuma recapture Texcoco, he also takes Raiatea.

And now it's time for the turn 200 stats! Turkey has surged into the lead in military manpower, while the Dervishes also continue to sport a large military.

The Aztecs now lead in science by a single tech, while four more civs are tied for second.

And Turkey also has the most production by a wide margin.

And that margin just increased further as the Manx give away Edinburgh in a peace treaty. What is it with cities being given away in peace treaties this round!?

Turkey and the Manx then team up against the Netherlands! Let me guess: Turkey will do absolutely nothing, then get Sintra upon declaring peace.

Oh wait, no, that won't happen because Illiam Dhone has captured Sintra! All hail the Manx!

And then the Manx take Amsterdam as well, eliminating William of the Netherlands in 17th place!

But then three civs attack the Manx, most notably Serer, who only have one city but still have a large army.

To make matters worse, Polynesia also attacks the Manx, and they have crossbowmen already.

Turkey attacks Madgascar! Ataturk's army is more advanced (please ignore the chariot archer) but Ranavalona has more units around Pliska, so it's not clear that Ataturk will be able to take anything.

Polynesia is the first to strike at the Manx, capturing Peel. I see a lot of flipping in this city's future.

Meanwhile, the Buccaneers capture Andorra la Vella, eliminating Roger Bernard of Andorra in 16th place.

The Dervishes then team up with Polynesia to attack the Buccaneers, which seems like a great way for Mohammed Hassan to lose his exclave empire.

Yep, saw that one coming. The Buccs have take Kairouane; will they move on Nassau as well? Note that in the background, the Aztecs have declared war on the Papal States.

The Dervishes declare war on Poverty Point, which is going to be an extremely tough fight. Táhera has a large if outdated carpet of units as well as the great wall.

Polynesia joins the Aztecs in attacking the Papal States! Both civs have placed numerous citadels next to Papal cities, which has utterly crippled Innocent's empire, so I doubt he can survive this.

The Aztecs take Benevento, but they barely gain any land because Polynesia stole almost all of it.

Then Polynesia gets Rome itself. It's interesting to see Polynesia doing so well again.

The Manx retake Peel and make peace with Polynesia! Suck it, Kamehameha!

The Aztecs continue to take Papal cities; this time it's Pontecorvo.

And Polynesia takes Kahone. Only one city remains...

But wait! The Pope lives! Somehow, Innocent III has managed to make peace with both the Aztecs and Polynesia just moments before he would have lost his last city.

Turkey takes Toliara from Madagascar with a naval attack! After this, the city flipped about 20 times, but thankfully I didn't show that to you.

Time for the very slightly late turn 300 stats! Turkey still has the largest army, with the Aztecs and Polynesia in the number two and number three spots respectively.

Turkey also leads in technologies, but only by one tech. At no point so far has anyone led by more than that, however.

Turkey also leads in production, but interestingly the Buccaneers are just a few hammers behind them.

They probably aren't going to gain very many from the capture of this Polynesian colony, however.

And then suddenly the Dervishes capture Poverty Point, eliminating Táhera of Poverty Point in 15th place. This means that Mohammed Hassan has now acquired the great wall.

Serer for some reason decides it would be a good idea to attack the Manx again. Surely this must be some kind of feint...

Oh look, it is. As it turns out, Serer has Polynesia on its side!

That same turn, the Buccaneers capture the Kulin capital of Coranderrk.

The Buccaneers and Turkey both attack the Dervishes! This could be interesting for Turkey, which has two lightly-defended exclaves on the Dervish border.

Polynesia begins the Peel flip-fest all over again. It's an open question as to who will keep it at the end of the war.

Meanwhile, the Dervishes take Edinburgh from Turkey. This was essentially a foregone conclusion.

The Buccaneers immediately capture Nassau, which was isolated from the rest of the Dervish states.

Turkey finally makes some more progress against Madagascar, capturing Preslav.

And the Buccaneers use their navy to begin flipping Dervish coastal cities, beginning with Las Anod.

And then Turkey takes Poverty Point! This is bad new for everyone who isn't Turkey, because Ataturk now has the great wall. Think he was hard to beat before? try it now!

The Buccaneers snag another coastal city; this time it's Utrecht.

As Turkey moves on what remains of the Dervish core, the Manx and the Kulin both join in against Mohammed Hassan.

Polynesia and the Aztecs suddenly attack the Papal States! Innocent III stands there crossing himself and praying because there's literally nothing else he can do.

The Buccaneers take Buuhoodle while the Manx snag Edinburgh! This means that the Dervishes are now down to only their capital. The question is, who will get it?

Oh shit, this is a massive betrayal! Before he's even finished helping Kamehameha kill the Papal States, Montezuma declares war on Polynesia!

Later that same turn, the Aztecs take Porto, eliminating Innocent III of the Papal States in 14th place.

Polynesia immediately takes the city, however.

Meanwhile, Turkey has captured Taleh, eliminating Mohammed Hassan of the Dervishes in 13th place.

The Aztecs strike back at Polynesia, capturing Kahone!

Four turns later, Kahone is firmly back in Polynesian hands, but a combined Aztec-Buccaneer fleet is approaching Honolulu.

In a war that took much too long to conclude, the Isle of Man finally takes Diakhao, eliminating Am Joof of Serer in 12th place.

Turkey attacks the Kulin! William Barak is completely and utterly fucked.

The Aztecs take Honolulu! This is the first conclusive strike of the war, and it is a MAJOR one. Polynesia will be badly crippled by this.

Meanwhile, Turkey takes Barere Barere Balug, eliminating William Barak of the Kulin in 11th place.

The Aztecs continue to push against Polynesia, taking Rome!

The Buccaneers then capture Tonga, and at the same time, the Manx attack Polynesia in an effort to recapture Peel!

Peel quickly falls back under Illiam Dhone's control as Manx forces march on Lisbon.

All of a sudden, Polynesia makes peace with the Aztecs and gives away Porto and Tahiti! Although this cripples Polynesia, it might actually make Illiam Dhone's job harder.

Not that that will stop him, of course. The Manx capture Kahone and send wave after wave of Musketmen at Lisbon.

Polynesia makes peace with the Buccaneers after having recaptured Tonga but lost Nuku Hiva.

Suddenly, the Buccaneers and Aztecs attack Turkey! This is the first time anyone has tried to go on the offensive against Turkey, and I really can't say I like the chances that it will succeed.

Turkey starts off strong, taking Buuhoodle, but Buccaneer resistance is mounting.

Nevertheless, Turkey not only keeps flipping Buuhoodle but takes Las Anod as well.

Las Anod continues to flip every turn, while Turkey also takes Utrecht.

Brazil attacks Turkey for... some reason. Perhaps Pedro needs to seek out a counselor? "We keep telling him that," says Montezuma, "But he stubbornly refuses to get help!"

Now, before we watch the inevitable death of Brazil, it's time for the turn 400 stats. The Aztecs now have a sizeable lead in military strength, but they're having a hard time effectively using it against Turkey.

Turkey and the Aztecs are now tied in the lead for technologies. I think it's becoming more and more clear that one of these two civs is going to win.

However, in production, Turkey has a clear advantage. In this area, the Buccaneers actually outrank the Aztecs.

Anyway, we return to the action in time to see the Manx capture Lisbon from Polynesia! Kamehameha has now been exiled to his eastern holdings.

Turkey makes peace with the Buccaneers, keeping control of Buuhoodle but letting Henry Morgan hang on to Utrecht and Las Anod. That same turn, the Buccaneers declare war on the Manx.

Suddenly, the Aztecs also declare war on the Isle of Man! Illiam Dhone might be in trouble here...

However, he actually starts off on the offensive, taking Utrecht from the Buccaneers!

But the Aztecs are making fast progress on the eastern front, capturing Kahone and Lisbon.

And not only does Henry Morgan retake Utrecht, he also captures Edinburgh.

The Manx make peace with the Buccaneers, but the threat is far from over, as the Aztecs advance into Peel.

And then Turkey finally takes Rio de Janeiro, eliminating Pedro II of Brazil in 10th place.

Five turns later, Turkey attacks Madagascar as well.

And just like that, Antananarivo falls, eliminating Ranavalona I of Madagascar in 9th place.

Diakhao is captured by the Aztecs, though the Manx seem to have reclaimed Peel.

Eagle-eyed viewers may have noticed when the Almohads attacked the Isle of Man. The result of this is that Illiam Dhone has scrounged together a force big enough to take Sofia.

Turkey attacks the Buccaneers again! Prepare yourselves for another coastal flip-fest that I won't actually show to you!

Turkey takes Las Anod and Utrecht, though judging by their populations, this is the second time Ataturk has captured them so far in this war.

Edinburgh soon follows as Las Anod continues to flip.

And then they make peace, with Turkey keeping Las Anod and Edinburgh, but not Utrecht.

Meanwhile, the Aztecs continue to carve up the Manx, taking Sintra and Peel.

Then Turkey joins the war on the side of the Aztecs! If Illiam Dhone wasn't completely screwed before, he is now.

Turkey quickly takes Sofia. I'm actually surprised that it didn't fall the moment war was declared.

Turkey also makes gains on the main front, taking Amsterdam.

And then the Manx make peace with the Aztecs and give away Castletown in an effort to cut off Turkey from the last Manx city. Little does Illiam Dhone know that Turkey has open borders with the Aztecs!

Five turns later, Turkey takes Castletown, eliminating Illiam Dhone of the Manx in 8th place.

The Aztecs turn on their next target: Polynesia! Bar a miracle, Kamehameha is as good as dead.

Oh shit, this might just be the miracle Kamehameha was looking for. The very same turn that Montezuma attacked Polynesia, Turkey declares war on the Aztecs!

Shortly afterward, the Buccaneers attack Milan. Side note: how is Greece still alive?

Turkey quickly takes Castletown and scrambles together a force to keep pushing east.

Backed mainly by cuirassiers, the Turkish wave continues, taking Sintra.

The turn 500 stats reveal a major surprise: somehow, the Buccaneers now have the largest army. Turkey has a decent lead over the Aztecs, but Montezuma's forces are still very considerable in number.

It's in technologies where there's been the biggest change, as Turkey pulls ahead by five techs after being tied with the Aztecs just 97 turns ago.

And Ataturk's production lead has increased noticeably as well.

That production, military, and tech discrepancy is on full display now as Turkey captures Peel and surrounds Diakhao.

All this won't stop the Aztecs from taking Samoa, however.

Diakhao falls and Tlaxcala is surrounded!

Meanwhile, the Buccaneers take Athens, but their presence on land is pathetic.

Tlaxcala falls, but it seems the Turkish wave has mostly run out of steam, and Aztec resistance is mounting.

In fact, Montezuma is soon able to retake both Tlaxcala and Peel.

Turkey does manage to recapture Tlaxcala, but they also lose Rio de Janeiro, which is a significant blow.

But then Ataturk respond by taking Sao Paulo and Rio de Janeiro in one turn.

Then Lisbon falls as well. Note that both sides now have artillery, while neither side did at the beginning of the war. And despite being well behind in technologies, the Aztecs invented it first.

Turkey takes Kahone but loses Rio de Janeiro and Sao paulo again.

Seven turns later, the only change is that Sao Paulo is now Turkish again.

But then the Aztecs make peace with Turkey and give away Porto, Pontecorvo, Teotihuacan, and Tlatelolco! (Turkey recaptured Rio de Janeiro on the previous turn.) After this war, the game has been decided: it's now all but inevitable that Turkey will win round 2.

Desperate to kill something, Montezuma attacks Polynesia again and captures Tonga in a single turn. Kamehameha of Polynesia is sacrificed to Huitzilopochtli—er, eliminated—in 7th place.

Turn 600 reveals that Turkey has not only retaken the lead in military power, but has also built an army bigger than all five other civs put together.

Turkey also leads in science by 17 technologies, which is just insane.

And they also have considerably more production than everyone else combined. This game is over, it seems.

After a while, the Buccaneers make peace with Milan and receive Brescia in the peace treaty.

Milan then decides to finish what it started a billion years ago and kill Greece.

But first, the Aztecs are apparently at war with the Buccaneers, and they just took Nuku Hiva.

And then Milan captures Thessaloniki, finally eliminating Eleftherios Venizelos of Greece in 6th place.

And then Turkey suddenly attacks the Aztecs! Five Aztec cities instantly fall to red or black.

The very next turn, Ataturk captures both Tenochtitlan and Tahiti.

Benevento and Rome follow three turns later.

Samoa falls the turn after that...

Oh wait, we must interrupt to inform you that the Buccaneers have declared war on Milan again.

Anyway, the Aztecs are now on death's door as Turkey has captured Honolulu and surrounded Tonga.

Oh, you have to be shitting me. Montezuma somehow manages to sneak in a peace treaty by giving away Nuku Hiva.

The Buccs, meanwhile, aren't letting Milan get off so easily, as Henry Morgan takes Thessaloniki and drops Milan to red.

Turkey dominates the international games, surprising no one.

And then the Buccaneers take Milan, eliminating Gian Galeazzo of Milan in 5th place.

Turn 700 brings more stats that don't really need any commentary.

Turkey has finished the tech tree. The next most advanced civ is 19 techs behind.

Production isn't much of a contest either.

While we wait for turn 750 (when world war will be declared), here's another overwhelming Turkish victory in an international project.

And what do you know, here's another!

Anyway, turn 750 arrives and I declare world war!

On the very first turn, Turkey takes Tinmel, eliminating Abd al-Mu'min of the Almohads in 4th place.

But Turkey also captured Tonga on the same turn, eliminating Kamehameha of Polynesia in... uh... also 4th, I guess? Or are they both third?

The real show then begins as Turkey launches an invasion of the Buccaneers. Milan is the first to fall, and nukes are already flying.

Milan flips and Turkey takes Utrecht. Port Royal appears to have been nuked.

Aotearoa falls; more cities are nuked...

Corranderrk is captured, but by now this entire region is a nuclear wasteland.

Nassau falls... this is a slow grind, but it can only end one way...

Puerto Cabello is captured...

Brescia and Port Royal both fall...

Kairouan and Escaldes...

Thessaloniki and Athens...

Tunis...

Leogane and Campeche...

And that's it! With the fall of Andorra la Vella, Mustafa Kemal Ataturk of Turkey has won!

Turkey joins Polynesia in the one point club, while the Buccaneers cling to life on a one tile island. Anyway, thanks for reading, and Groundhog Day will return next weekend with a VERY interesting episode!