THE HEAVENS—Lamenting that the mass extinction event wiped out the reptiles too soon, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, confirmed Monday that He has recently been getting a strong desire to bring back the dinosaurs. “I’m starting to think getting rid of them was a huge mistake, because dinosaurs were fucking awesome,” said the Divine Creator, fondly recalling how He would often spend five or 10 centuries just watching all the different kinds of theropods run, hunt, and fight with each other. “The planet is running pretty low on animals anyway, so now might be a great time to reintroduce them, maybe even make them bigger and more badass. Plus, I’ve always wanted to see how dinosaurs would interact with humans.” God added that if He got bored of the dinosaurs, He could very easily exterminate them a second time.

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