Statement of the Grand Inquisitor:

The American election cycle is the perfect complement to America’s vain, self-serving Calvinist religion. American Democracy and American Calvinism both pander to lazy, bipolar drama queens who lack the least capacity for moral introspection. The Calvinist never considers his actions in the cold light of conscience, because he has no conscience. The American voter shares this lack. Thus, after eight years of total disaster, we find not a single hint of humility, let alone shame or repentance, in this most corrupt polity.

The 2008 election serves instead to wipe the American memory clean, just as the Holy Roller’s spastic, gibbering hop to the pulpit to be baptized again wipes from his memory all the vile, selfish and stupid crimes he has committed.

Americans decry “The Blame Game.” We consider the blame game to be the very source of morality. Blame would be an excellent contribution to the improvement of the American polity. Blame is very much warranted. Blame is your due. You should blame yourselves. Why do you not?

Instead you have wormed your way, in a manner all too typical of your nation, to the center of attention as a wronged innocent. You, the ordinary American, are the antithesis of innocence. You are lazy, yes; there is no more intellectually and lazy creature on this earth. And you are ignorant, willfully so. But a life spent actively avoiding moral introspection is not innocence. It is prima facie evidence of deep complicity in every crime your chosen proxies have committed.

This November, you will weep and be born again, while Oprah baptizes you anew, to begin another of your nine lives of selfish, stupid meanness. You are the masters of your own backyard immorality plays. If you choose Obama, you will consider yourselves absolved of the last eight years, and spend the next four stroking yourselves for being such fine, broadminded specimens. When he proves unable to stem the rot you have indulged for your entire adult lives, you will regretfully return to outright fanged madness. If you choose McCain, you vote more simply for the worst of yourselves, but you will find a way to detach yourselves from him as he presides over an accelerated debacle.

However you vote, you will emerge from the voting booth like a Baptist from the tub, full of self-satisfaction and coy optimism. You will give the performance of your hammish lifetime, affecting shock and sorrow over how badly it all turned out.