The following is a transcript of the entire Over the Garden Wall miniseries.

Contents show]





Chapter 1: The Old Grist Mill

[Into the Unknown plays as the visuals switch from various scenes: a toad playing the piano; a redheaded girl in a blue dress, petting her dog whilst sitting in the woods with a bird flying by in the background, and the girl--later revealed as Beatrice--looking back toward the bird; a grinning black cat on a turkey-]drawn cart full of pumpkins; a circus with four long-legged instrumentalists, a juggling gorilla, and a ballerina dancing atop a galloping horse; a set of varied, wooden dolls; a nobleman holding a candle, looking upon a portrait before being startled by a moving shadow and the wind; an old woman with the top half of her face cut from the shot, using a pair of vintage bird scissors to cut a thread on a quilt; two jovial, sailor-looking boys sitting on the rocks that border a river, one winding up a steamboat before setting it on the water; a rear-view of an unknown character--later known as Lorna--setting a candle down on the shelf in a catacomb-like area; a large fish on a wooden boat in a murky river, fishing; an unknown character--later revealed as Greg--picking up a rock from the ground; and a view of a young woman, later known as the Woodsman's Daughter, stood in front of a well with the Woodsman chopping logs in the background, the young woman looking off to the side as it pans toward the forest. It cuts to the title sequence as the song turns more nostalgic, and then moves to brief shots of blurry images, later figured to be Wirt, Gregory, and Greg's frog in the lake, before the story begins.

The scenery now goes to the forested depths of the Unknown, with Wirt and Greg walking as the latter rambles.]

Greg: ...Antelope, Guggenheim, Albert, Salami, Giggly, Jumpy, Tom, Thomas, Tambourine, Leg-Face McCullen, Artichoke, Penguin, Pete, Steve... But I think the very worst name for this frog is--

Wirt: Wait, wait a second. Uh...Greg?

[Owl hooting]

[Squirrels chittering]

Wirt: Where...are we?

Greg: In the woods?

Wirt: I mean...what are we, doing out here?

Greg: We're walking home!

Wirt: [visibly distressed] Greg! I-I think we're lost! We, w-we should've left a trail or something.

Greg: [throwing candy on the ground from his pants] I can leave a trail of candy from my pants!!

Wirt: [sighs] No. though I am lost, my wounded heart resides back home--in pieces--strewn about the graveyard of my lost love. For only--

[Axe chopping in the distance]

Wirt: [gasps] Do you hear that?

Greg: Yeah.

Wirt: [quickly] Do you think it's some kind of deranged lunatic with an axe waiting out there in the darkness for innocent victims? [Greg runs away; Wirt calls after in a hushed whisper] Greg!

[Squirrels chittering; Wirt makes a frightened sound before following after Greg]

Wirt: [whispering] Greg, you're going to get us into trouble again! [gasps]

[A stranger, later known as The Woodsman, is singing incoherently while gathering Edelwood.]

Greg: [whispering] We should ask him for help!

Wirt: [whispering] No, we should not ask him for help.

Greg: But--!

Wirt: Shh!

Greg: You shh!

Wirt: You shh!

Greg: Shhh--!! [Wirt covers Greg's mouth; Greg makes muffled sounds]

[The Woodsman leaves into another area of the forest.]

Wirt: [normal volume] Shoot. Y-You think we should've asked him for help?

Beatrice, from atop a branch: Maybe I can help you. I mean, you guys are lost, right?

Wirt: [dumbfounded; gasps, slaps his own face a few times] What, in the world is going on?!

Greg: Well you're slapping yourself, and I'm answering your question, and--

Wirt: No, Greg, a-a bird's brain isn't big enough for cognizant speech.

Beatrice: [annoyed] Hey, what was that?

[Greg sticks a piece of candy on a black turtle as Wirt speaks]

Wirt: I mean, I-I'm just saying, you're, you're weird, like, not normal, I, I mean--[hushed] Oh my gosh, stop talking to it, Wirt...

Beatrice: [more annoyed] It?

[Greg sticks another piece of candy on Wirt's cape]

Wirt: Uh, I, I-I'm--[yells in surprised fear]

Woodsman: [angered] What're you doing here?! Explain yourselves!!

Beatrice: [flies away] Aaand I'll see you guys later, bye.

Wirt: [voice cracks; clearly fearful] Calm, calm down, mister! Wh-Whatever you do here is your business! W-W-We just wanna get home with all our legs and arms attached!!

Woodsman: These woods are no place, for children! Don't you know the Beast is afoot here?

Wirt: The Beast?? W-W-We, we-we don't know anything about that! W-We're just two lost kids, trying to get home!

Woodsman: Well, welcome to the Unknown, boys. You're more lost than you realize.

[The scene changes to the Grist Mill.]

Woodsman: I found this homestead abandoned. Repurposed its mill for my needs. [uses a piece of flint and some steel to light a fire in the fireplace] You and your brother, should be safe here, while I work.

Greg: [setting pieces of candy on the floor while moving backwards] Candy trail, candy trail, can-dy-trail...

Wirt: [slightly nervous] What, what is your...work, exactly?

Woodsman: ...Everyone has a torch to burn, [pats the lantern by his side] and this here's mine. I grind the horrid Edelwood trees into oil, to keep this lantern lit. [breaks an Edelwood branch, throws it aside] This is my lot in life, this is my burden.

Wirt: [hushed, to Greg] This guy sounds loony. Maybe we should make a break for it, i-if we can. But he must know the woods really well, so we may need to knock him out, first. Except...that might turn out really badly, huh? Yeah, bad, bad plan, eh, forget it, bad plan.

Greg: [normal volume] Okay.

Woodsman: What're you boys whispering about?

Greg: We were talking about runnin' away outta here.

Wirt: Shh!!

Greg: Shh--

Wirt: Shh!

Greg: Shoosh!!

Woodsman: [groans with effort as he stands] Leave, if you wish. But remember: the Beast, haunts, these woods, ever singiiiing, his moournful melodyyy... [suddenly more urgent] In search of lost souls, such as yourselves!

Greg: To help us?

Woodsman: No, not to help you. I have work to do in the mill. When I'm finished, I will do what I can to guide you. If you are still here when I return. [Exits the living room into the mill]

Wirt: ...Huh. I guess...we could just leave. But, eh, I don't know...Greg!

Greg: [swings a log] What?

Wirt: Do you think there really is a Beast out there? [Greg walks over to a decorative bird sculpture, and swings it] Or, is, is that guy just messing with us?

Greg: [distractedly] Uh-huh.

Wirt: I mean, he--could've done away with us by now, if that was his plan. And he lit that fire, that's...pretty nice.

Greg: Yeah!

Wirt: I guess it's possible there's a Beast, since there was a talking bird, but...

Greg: Yeah!!

Wirt: [sighs] I dunno. Sometimes I feel like I'm just like...[melodramatically, almost trance-like] a boat, upon a winding river...twisting, towards an endless black sea...

[Greg grunts as he swings what looks to be a banjo]

Wirt: [still melodramatic] Further, and further, drifting away...from where I want to be--who!--I want to be...

Greg: Oh, I didn't know that. Did you know, that if you soak a raisin in grape juice, it turns into a grape? [takes a rock out of his satchel] It's a rock fact!

Wirt: [dejected] Augh, you're not helping at all...why don't you, go play with your frog, or something?

Greg: Aw, beans! Where is that frog o' mine? Hold on there, second-brother o' mine! I'll be back soon for your plan. [throws some more candy around before exiting the building]

[cuts to Greg outside the mill]

Greg: [hums] Kitty!! Kitty?? Now where did that frog named 'Kitty' go? Whup-- [trips on his own candy; still joyful voice] I tripped on my own candy trail!

[Animalistic growling in the distance]

Greg: Hm? [walks a bit toward the noise; a ribbit sound comes from the mill; Greg looks back] That frog's givin' me the run-around. [walks back, throwing candy around carelessly]

[Greg grunts some as he shimmies on top of a barrel just in front of a window on the mill; he peeks inside.]

Greg: Kiiitty?

[From Greg's view inside the mill, The Woodsman hums indistinctly as he grinds branches of Edelwood into oil, that of which he bottles for use.]

Greg: Gross.

[ribbit]

Greg: Kitty??

[growling from the woods]

Greg: [thoughtful; takes a step toward the noise] Hmm...is that--woah!! [falls into the barrel, on top of his frog] Oh, there you are!! [the frog ribbits]

[growling continues, growing closer as time goes on]

Greg: [concerned, somewhat fearful] Wirt? ...Kitty??

[A dog with piercing eyes peeks into the barrel and continues its growling.]

Greg: [scared] You have beautiful eyes!!

[screeching sounds]

[cut to inside the mill's living room, where Wirt plays with a bolero toy, frustrated that he can't solve it.]

Wirt: Yeugh... [creaking and the sound of wood breaking from outside startle him; wariness shows in his voice] Greg? Uh...?

[a clattering sound from the next room; footsteps, and the Woodsman enters]

Woodsman: What's happening? Where's your brother?

Wirt: [shrugging] Ah-enuh!

Greg: [dazed] Oh holy moley, hot dog--!! [knocked back to a flight of stairs by the dog's entrance]

Wirt: [startled] It's the Beast!!

Woodsman: Stay back, boys!! [Greg, wielding a piece of wood, starts down the steps as the Woodsman speaks] This creature, which is known as--huh?? [Greg knocks the hat off the Woodsman's head; the Woodsman stumbles, and falls unconscious on a log.]

Wirt: [disbelief in his voice] GREG, WHY DID YOU DO THAT!!

Greg: That was the plan, remember?? Knock him out!

Wirt: Eh no!! Ah, bad plan!! [the dog stalks toward Wirt, who uses the fireplace gate as a shield] I told you to forget that plan!! Ahhh!!!

Greg: [spanks the dog with the handle of the Woodsman's axe] Spank, spank...spank!!

Wirt: [runs to the mill portion of the building, voice frantic] Run run run run run run run!!!!

Greg: Caaaandyyy, camouflage!! [throws candy in the air, grabs his frog, and follows Wirt] Run run run run run run run!

[the dog follows, and gets stuck under a gear while pursuing Wirt]

Wirt: Greg!!!

Greg: [comes into the frame] This is amazing, huh??

[the dog comes free; Wirt spots a sack of potatoes nearby, and throws a few at the dog before tossing the entire sack at it]

Greg: Am I supposed to throw something? [the dog makes a loud, screech-yell-like noise] Oh yeah! [throws candy from his pants] Haha!

[the dog eats the sweets]

Wirt: [slight surprise] He's eating your candy?

Greg: I wonder if he ate my whole candy trail that lead to this mill!

Wirt: [angered] Augh! [smacks Greg's teapot] Greg!! You lead the Beast right to us with your candy!!!

[the dog flips over the platform Wirt and Greg stood on; the toppled platform separates Wirt and Greg from the dog]

Wirt and Greg: Euh...

Wirt: Hey, [takes the axe] eh, gimme the axe; y-you're too little to have it anyway, I--[the dog scratches at the wooden platform; Wirt's distressed] Ah-Ahhh, w-w-we gotta, we gotta get outta here!

[Greg points toward a ladder, and the brothers use it to reach the roof of the mill; the dog bursts through the roof]

Wirt: [scared] Ahh!!! Uhh, G-Greg, eh, g-give him the rest of your candy!!

Greg: [searches his pants, but no candy remains; he spots the piece he put on Wirt's cape earlier, and throws it off the roof to the waterwheel] Whoops!

[the dog jumps off after it, and spits out a black turtle from the force of the waterwheel on its body; the roof falls apart, and Wirt along with Greg fall into the river nearby. Wirt surfaces, and reaches land.]

Greg: [offscreen] Hey Wirt, look!

Wirt: Greg?

Greg: Wirt! [cuts to Greg and his frog atop the dog, who is now tame] He spit out that turtle, and now he's my new best friend!! [the dog shakes the water, Greg, and Greg's frog, off itself] Ouhh--oh...Hey, where ya goin'??

[the dog ambles off]

Greg: Ain't that just the way...

Woodsman: [anguished] The mill is destroyed...the oil! All gone!!

Wirt: But, b-but look! We, w-we got the Beast problem solved. [points to the dog, who now lays asleep on the grass]

Woodsman: [furious] That dog?! That is NOT the Beast!! [takes his axe from Wirt] The Beast cannot be mollified like some farmer's pet!!!

Woodsman: He stalks, like the night--[swings his axe through a nearby rock]--he sings like the Four Winds--[wind howling]--he is the Death of Hope!! He steals their children, and, he'll...ruuuiiin...[mumbles]

Wirt: [hushed, angered; knocks Greg's teapot] You're always messing up, Greg.

Woodsman: Boy!! You, have it backwards!! You are the elder child! You are responsible for you, and your brother's actions!!

Wirt: Ah, Ahm, I-I'm sorry. Maybe I can...fix it? [to himself] I...I can't fix it.

Woodsman: [forlornly] You must go. Take your brother north. Look for a town.

Wirt: Yeah. Thanks. [leads Greg by the hand north] Come on, Greg.

Woodsman: One last thing! Beware, the Unknown! Fear the Beast! And leave these woods!! [quieter] If you can. [louder again] It is your burden to bear!

Wirt: Right, yeah, ah, got it.

Woodsman: [more gentle] And you, little one. You look after that frog; give it a proper name.

Greg: [the frog ribbits] Okay.

[transition to Wirt and Greg walking through the moonlit forest]

Greg: Wirt, I think I thought of a new name for our frog. I'm gonna call him, 'Wirt.'

Wirt: That's, gonna be really confusing.

Greg: No, I'm gonna call you 'Kitty.'

Wirt: What?? Maybe I'll start calling you 'Candy Pants.'

Greg: [ecstatic] Woah, yeah!! ['Wirt' ribbits] Good one, Wirt.

Wirt: Thanks.

Greg: I'm not talkin' to you. I'm talkin' to Wirt!

[fade to black]

Chapter 2: Hard Times at the Huskin' Bee

[ WIND RUSHING, PASTORAL MUSIC PLAYS ] [ TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS ] [ PASTORAL MUSIC PLAYS ] [ BIRDS CRYING ] [ INSECTS CHIRPING ] [ TURKEYS CLUCKING ] >> [ BLOWING RASPBERRIES ] >> IT'S ALMOST MORNING. [ SIGHS ] WE SHOULD'VE FOUND A TOWN BY NOW. THIS IS THE WAY THE WOODSMAN TOLD US TO GO, RIGHT? >> [ BLOWS RASPBERRY ] HAVE YOU LISTENED TO ANYTHING I'VE BEEN SAYING? FOR THE LAST COUPLE HOURS, I'VE BEEN SAYING -- [ BLOWING RASPBERRIES ] >> WELL, THAT SETTLES IT. I'M GONNA WALK UP 10 FEET AHEAD OF YOU. >> HELP! >> HUH? >> I'M STUCK! >> I HEAR SOMETHING! >> IT'S PROBABLY NOTHING. HEY, LOOK. "POTTSFIELD, 1 MILE." A TOWN! LET'S GO THIS WAY. >> OKAY, LET'S GO THIS WAY. >> NOT -- UGH. >> HELLO? HELLO? >> HEY, YOU. >> WHO? ME? >> YEAH, YOU. >> OH. HELLO. >> [ GASPS ] IT'S YOU AGAIN. I'M STUCK. HELP ME OUT OF HERE, AND I'LL OWE YOU A FAVOR. >> WHOA! I GET A WISH? >> NO, NO, NO. NOT A WISH. I'M NOT MAGICAL. I'LL JUST DO YOU A GOOD TURN. >> CAN YOU TURN ME INTO A TIGER? >> UM, NO. I JUST SAID I'M NOT MAGICAL. >> IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A MAGICAL TIGER. >> GREG, STOP TALKING TO A BUSH. >> OKAY. >> HUH? >> THANKS. I OWE YOU A FAVOR. SO, UM, YOU TWO ARE LOST KIDS WITH NO PURPOSE IN LIFE, RIGHT? >> UH-HUH. >> HOW ABOUT I BRING YOU TO ADELAIDE OF THE PASTURE, THE GOOD WOMAN OF THE WOODS? SHE COULD HELP YOU GET HOME. >> OH. >> N-NO, NO. NO, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. MAGIC TALKING BIRDS LEADING US TO FAIRY GODMOTHERS IN THE MYSTERIOUS... I'M GOING TO POTTSFIELD. >> YEAH, WE'RE GOING TO POTTSFIELD. COME ON. >> WHAT ABOUT THE FAVOR? >> I'LL THINK OF MY WISH LATER. >> OHH. [ ANIMALS CALLING ] >> SO, LET'S SMALL-TALK. MY NAME'S GREG. WHAT'S YOURS? >> BEATRICE. >> MY BROTHER'S NAME IS WIRT. >> WHO CARES? >> AND MY FROG'S NAME'S WIRT JR., BUT THAT MAY CHANGE. >> OKAY, THAT'S GREAT. HOW ABOUT YOU AND I DITCH YOUR BROTHER? >> MM. MAYBE LATER. SO, IS IT NICE BEING A BIRD? >> NOPE. >> OH. DO YOU LIKE WAFFLES? >> NO, WAFFLES MAKE ME SICK. I EAT...M-MAGGOTS. >> AAH! >> WHAT? >> HOW CAN YOU NOT EAT WAFFLES?! [ SQUISH! ] AAH! >> WHAT?! >> I STEPPED ON A PUMPKIN! >> AHA! CIVILIZATION, SEE? NOW -- [ SQUISH! ] HUH? WHAT THE... [ GRUNTING ] ALL RIGHT. LET'S REJOIN SOCIETY. [ PASTORAL MUSIC PLAYS ] HELLO? HELLO? HMM. SEE ANYBODY? >> NO. OH, I SEE YOU. >> YEAH, I SEE YOU, TOO, GREG. >> HEY, NOT TO BE OBNOXIOUS, BUT AN ABANDONED GHOST TOWN DOESN'T SEEM LIKE IT'S GONNA BE THAT USEFUL GETTING YOU GUYS HOME. >> [ CLEARS THROAT ] THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE. EXCUSE ME? ANYONE HERE? HELLO? OH. SORRY. UH, I'M LOOKING FOR A PHONE. UM, I'M SORRY. [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ] >> DID YOU FIND ANYTHING? >> NO. WHERE'S GREG? [ INDISTINCT SINGING ] >> DO YOU HEAR THAT? >> HUH? >> Together: ¶...LET SPIRITS YOU'RE IN THE MAYPOLE DANCE A RIVER TOO WILD, MY SOUL [ CAT YOWLS ] AND TO BIND THE... [ POP! ] >> WHAT THE... >> OH, PARDON ME THERE. SAY, YOU FOLKS OUGHT TO DON YOUR VEGETABLES AND CELEBRATE THE HARVEST WITH US. >> UH...OH! [ Chuckling ] YOU'RE WEARING COSTUMES. >> WELL, SURE. PUMPKINS CAN'T MOVE ON THEIR OWN...CAN THEY? >> HA. NO. YEAH, NO. >> GOOD THING I DIDN'T TAKE THIS OFF. >> YOU GUYS FIND THIS PLACE AS CREEPY AS I DO, RIGHT? >> SO IT'S SOME KIND OF WEIRD CULT WHERE THEY WEAR VEGETABLE COSTUMES AND DANCE AROUND A BIG THING. THEY SEEM NICE ENOUGH. >> OKAY, YOU'RE IN DENIAL. THAT'S FINE. BUT I'M JUST SAYING, SOMETHING FEELS OFF ABOUT THIS PLACE. [ CRRREAK! ] >> WELL, MAYBE I CAN FIND SOMEONE HERE WHO WILL GIVE US A RIDE HOME. GREG, YOU STAY OUT OF TROUBLE. BEATRICE, THANK YOU, BUT YOU CAN LEAVE. >> [ SIGHS ] I CAN'T LEAVE. I'M HONOR-BOUND TO HELP YOU SINCE YOU GUYS HELPED ME. THAT'S THE BLUEBIRD RULES. >> UH, OKAY. >> BEATRICE, WOULD YOU CARE FOR THIS DANCE? >> NO THANKS. NO THANKS, NO THANKS. I SAID NO THANK YOU. [ WHIR! ] >> SAY, AREN'T YOU A LITTLE TOO...EARLY? >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN. >> I MEAN IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE YOU'RE READY TO JOIN US JUST YET. >> JOIN YOU? YEAH, NO, I'M JUST PASSING THROUGH. >> FOLKS DON'T TEND TO "PASS THROUGH" POTTSFIELD. >> OH...YEAH? >> YEAH. IT'S NICE HERE. >> UM, I'M REALLY JUST LOOKING T-TO LEAVE HERE AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. >> EH, WHAT, WHAT? LEAVE POTTSFIELD? WHO WANTS TO LEAVE POTTSFIELD?! >> HUH? >> WHAT? >> HE WANTS TO LEAVE POTTSFIELD. >> WHAT? >> OH, ARE WE LEAVING ALREADY? >> LET'S LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. [ RASPY BREATHING, CROWD MUTTERING ] >> I'M JUST TRYING TO GET HOME. >> THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE. >> MAYBE HE'S HERE TO STEAL OUR CROPS. >> TO RUIN OUR PARTY. >> OR TAKE OFF OUR PUMPKIN SHOES! >> [ Chuckling ] UH, NO, I, UH -- >> [ CHUCKLES ] NOW, HOLD ON, EVERYBODY. [ CHUCKLES ] LET'S NOT JUMP TO ANY CONCLUSIONS. >> WHOA. >> ENOCH, WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH THEM? >> I-I'M DONE. >> [ INHALES SHARPLY ] NOW, LET'S SEE HERE, BOYS. HOW DID YOU END UP IN THIS LITTLE TOWN OF OURS? >> WELL, WE WERE TRYING TO GET HOME. WE CAME INTO TOWN FROM THE WOODS. UH, WE SAW YOUR FARMS AND YOUR HOUSES AND THOUGHT, "HEY, HERE'S A NORMAL PLACE WITH NORMAL PEOPLE." >> AND WE BOTH STEPPED ON PUMPKINS. >> YEAH, A-AND THEN WE HEARD THE MUSIC FROM THE BARN, AND, WELL, UH -- H-HOW ABOUT WE JUST LEAVE? >> [ CHUCKLES ] NOW, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT -- YOU COME TO OUR TOWN, YOU TRAMPLE OUR CROPS, YOU INTERRUPT OUR PRIVATE ENGAGEMENT, AND NOW YOU WANT TO LEAVE? >> UH...YES. >> YOU'LL NEVER CONVICT! YOU HAVE NO PROOF! >> THIS ONE'S TRYING TO ESCAPE! >> LET ME GO! I DON'T KNOW THESE CLOWNS! >> CHILDREN, IT SADDENS ME THAT YOU DON'T WISH TO STAY HERE WITH US, PARTICULARLY BECAUSE I SIMPLY HAVE TO PUNISH YOU FOR YOUR TRANSGRESSIONS. >> I TOLD YOU THIS PLACE WAS BAD NEWS. >> [ Singsong voice ] SO, BY ORDER OF THE POTTSFIELD CHAMBER OF COMMERCE, [Deep voice] I FIND YOU GUILTY OF TRESPASSING, DESTRUCTION OF PROPERTY, DISTURBING THE PEACE, AND MURDER. >> MURDER? >> [ Normal voice ] OH, NO, NOT MURDER. BUT FOR THOSE OTHER CRIMES, I SENTENCE YOU TO... A FEW HOURS OF MANUAL LABOR. >> WAIT. WHAT? REALLY? THAT'S IT? >> AMONG THE FIELDS OF STRAW AND STOVER CLOCKIN' TILL THE WORKDAY'S OVER TIME'S A GENTLE STREAM, LONGER THAN IT SEEMS PATIENT IS THE NIGHT HOW I LONG TO SEE HER FACE NOW HER STARRY, MOONLIT GAZE NOW I KNOW SHE'S NEVER LATE, SO ANXIOUSLY I WAIT PATIENT IS THE NIGHT [ METAL CLINKING ] >> [ GRUNTS ] HA-HA! JUST A FEW HOURS OF MANUAL LABOR, AND WE'RE ALMOST DONE. >> AND THEN WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO -- JUST WANDER AROUND THIS WAY AND THAT WAY THROUGH THE WOODS FOREVERMORE? >> UH, UH, MAYBE WE'LL JUST STAY HERE IN POTTSFIELD. IT'S NICE HERE. [ CHUCKLES, SIGHS ] I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW. >> WHY DO THEY EVEN HAVE YOU DIGGING THESE HOLES? >> PLANTING SEEDS OR SOMETHING. >> [ GASPS ] MAYBE THEY'RE GONNA BURY YOU OUT HERE. >> PBHT! >> HEY! BURIED TREASURE! >> WHOA! REALLY? SEE, BEATRICE? WHAT'D YOU FIND? >> A SKELETON! >> AAH! [ EERIE CARNIVAL ORGAN PLAYS ] WE'RE DIGGING OUR OWN -- [ GASPS ] I-I-I WAS WRONG. I WAS WRONG ALL ALONG. I-I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET US HOME. USE YOUR LITTLE FEET TO PICK OUR LOCKS! >> OHO! NOW YOU WANT MY HELP? >> I DON'T WANT YOUR HELP. [ SLOW MARCH PLAYS ] YES, I WANT YOUR HELP! BEATRICE, SERIO-- >> YOUR TIME IS UP! >> AAH! OHH. [ WHIR! ] >> HAVE THE HOLES BEEN DUG? >> UH...YEAH. >> SPLENDID! WELL, THEN -- >> BUT, NO. >> NO? >> UH... >> Psst! [ METAL CLINKING ] [ Muffled ] Keep stalling. >> RIGHT. YEAH, UH, YOU KNOW, WE WERE DIGGING, AND THERE WERE TOO MANY ROCKS. YOU GUYS DON'T LIKE ROCKS, RIGHT? >> I DON'T THINK WE DO. >> NO, WE DON'T LIKE ROCKS. >> I DON'T THINK SO. >> SEE? SO WE WERE LIKE, "WE SHOULD GET RID OF THESE ROCKS." >> WELL, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. >> RIGHT? [ Chuckling ] YEAH. SO, WE WERE GETTING RID OF THE ROCKS AND -- HUH? HUH? WHAT? THEY LEFT ME. >> SO, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE ROCKS? >> UH, THE ROCKS. YEAH, THEY -- THEY WERE, UM, YOU KNOW -- THEY -- THEY -- THEY GOT IN THE WAY OF ALL THE -- WELL, THE DIRT, YOU KNOW, AND... W-WHOA! OHH! >> WELCOME BACK, LARRY. >> HE LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME. >> What in the... >> WHOOOOOP! OOH! [ GRUNTING ] >> YEAH, LARRY! WHOO! [ BONES RATTLING ] >> AAH! >> EDWARD, THIS ONE'S FOR YOU! >> THEY'RE ALL SKELETONS. >> THANKS FOR DIGGING UP THE LIFE OF THE PARTY. >> WHAT A WONDERFUL HARVEST. AND WHAT ABOUT YOU? YOU SURE YOU WANT TO LEAVE? >> ME? YES? >> OH, WELL. YOU'LL JOIN US SOMEDAY. >> UH... >> Psst! WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN? YOU GUYS LEFT ME! OH. >> COME ON. >> [ HUMMING ] >> [ PANTING ] OH. ARE THEY CHASING US? >> Both: NO. >> [ SIGHS ] I-I THOUGHT YOU GUYS -- >> YOU'RE WELCOME. >> THANK YOU. I GUESS WE'RE EVEN NOW, HUH? YOU'RE NOT HONOR-BOUND TO HELP US ANYMORE. >> [ SIGHS ] I WISH. BUT YOU WEREN'T ACTUALLY IN ANY DANGER WITH THOSE WEIRDOS. >> OH, YEAH! THEN YOU STILL HAVE TO HELP US GET HOME. >> I GOT IT! I WISH WIRT JR. HAD FINGERNAILS SO HE COULD PLAY THE GUITAR BETTER. [ CRICKETS CHIRPING ] >> SO...YEAH, I'LL BRING YOU TO ADELAIDE. I MEAN, THAT'S WHERE I'M GOING ANYWAY. >> WHY ARE YOU GOING TO ADELAIDE'S? >> I GUESS, IN SOME WAYS, I'M TRYING TO GET HOME, TOO. >> THAT'S VAGUE. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? >> I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU ANYTHING. >> WELL, I SURE HOPE ADELAIDE IS MORE HELPFUL THAN THAT WOODSMAN WAS. I THINK HIS DIRECTIONS WERE...NOT VERY GOOD. [ WIND BLOWING ]

Chapter 3 Schooltown Follies

[ MYSTERIOUS CLASSICAL PIANO PLAYS ] [ BIRDS CHIRPING ] >> DON'T KNOW WHO SHE IS OR HOW SHE IS OR WHEN, WHAT, WHY SHE IS BUT AS FOR WHERE SHE IS, SHE IS WHERE WE WILL GO TO ADELAIDE, TO ADELAIDE COME ON AND JOIN THE ADELAIDE PARADE >> Both: NO. >> ADELAIDE, TO ADELAIDE LET'S GO TO ADELAIDE'S HOUSE [ SOUR NOTE PLAYS ] I NEED TO FIX THAT LAST PART, BUT THAT'S THE IDEA. SO, BEATRICE, YOU SING THE HIGH PART. WIRT, YOU SING THE REALLY HIGH PART. >> WHAT? OH. >> AND -- >> NOBODY IS SINGING ANYTHING ANYMORE. AND, WIRT, KEEP MOVING. >> BUT I-I HAVE TO -- UGH. ALL RIGHT. >> BUT WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING FUN. >> YOU KNOW, WE REALLY DON'T. WE CAN JUST KEEP WALKING SILENTLY, YOU KNOW? AND -- UGH. WIRT, LET'S GO. COME ON. >> SORRY, SORRY. >> BUT SHOULDN'T WE -- >> GREG, DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MORE LIKE YOUR BROTHER -- JUST ALWAYS DOING WHAT YOU'RE TOLD... >> HUH? >> ...JUST A PATHETIC PUSHOVER WHO RELIES ON OTHERS TO MAKE ALL HIS DECISIONS? >> HEY! WHAT? I'M NOT A PUSHOVER. >> HOLD ON, WIRT. LET ME GET TO MY POINT. >> [ SCOFFS ] FINE. >> SEE, GREG? NO WILLPOWER WHATSOEVER. >> HRMPH! >> YOU NEED TO BE MORE LIKE THAT. >> BUT THAT DOESN'T REALLY SOUND THAT FUN. >> THE WORLD IS A MISERABLE PLACE, GREG. LIFE ISN'T FUN. >> [ BREATHES DEEPLY ] THEN I'LL DO WHAT I NEED TO DO, I GUESS. >> THANK YOU. WE'LL JUST FOCUS ON GETTING YOU GUYS TO ADELAIDE'S SO I CAN WASH MY HANDS OF THIS WHOLE AFFAIR, AND IF YOU COULD PICK UP THE PACE A BIT, THAT'D BE GREAT, OKAY? OKAY? HEY, WHERE'S GREG. >> OH. UH, WONDERED OFF, I GUESS. >> CHEESE AND CRACKERS! >> WE NEED TO DO OUR PART TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE! >> [ CROAKS ] >> [ LAUGHS ] YEAH. [ BELL TOLLING ] HUH? WHOA! [ MID-TEMPO RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYS ] SCHOOL?! [ SCOFFS ] NOT TODAY. [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] >> GREG! [ MUSIC CONTINUES ] GREG! GREG? >> EXCUSE ME? [ MUSIC STOPS, WIND BLOWS ] PLEASE, TAKE YOUR SEAT, CHILDREN. YOU'RE LATE. YOU KNOW THE RULES -- "ONCE THE BELL HAS RUN, CLASS HAS BEGUN." >> OH, SORRY, EVERYBODY. SORRY. NO, HE DOESN'T HAVE A BRAIN. HE CAN'T LEARN ANYTHING. LET'S GO, WIRT. COME ON. [ WHISTLES ] HERE, BOY. >> WHAT? DID YOU SAY SOMETHING? I CAN'T HEAR YOU BECAUSE I'M TOO BUSY DOING WHAT I'M TOLD. >> WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU -- [ SIGHS ] NO, NO. LET'S GO. >> OH, NO. SEE, I'M A PUSHOVER, REMEMBER? I HAVE TO DO WHAT SHE TELLS ME TO DO. >> OHH. WIRT, YOUR BROTHER COULD BE IN TROUBLE SOMEWHERE. [ KNOCK ON WINDOW ] >> [ HUMS "HELLO" ] [ HUMMING ] MNH-MNH. >> [ CROAKS ] >> [ GASPS ] HA-HA! YEAH! >> [ SIGHS ] BLUEBIRD'S HAVE A SHORT LIFE SPAN. YOU TWO ARE LITERALLY KILLING ME EVERY MOMENT I'M FORCED TO SPEND WITH YOU. >> OH. >> YOUNG MAN, I WILL NOT STAND FOR SUCH NONSENSE IN MY CLASSROOM. I GOT ENOUGH NONSENSE FROM THAT NO GOOD, TWO-TIMING, LOW-DOWN HANDSOME MAN OF MINE. [ DRAMATIC PIANO PLAYS ] OH, JIMMY BROWN, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME SO? AND NOW, WITH MY FATHER THREATENING TO CLOSE THE SCHOOL AND THAT WILD GORILLA ON THE LOOSE, WHY, JIMMY, I JUST HAVE ONE THING TO SAY... [ UPBEAT COUNTRY WESTERN MUSIC PLAYS ] "A" IS FOR THE APPLE THAT HE GAVE TO ME BUT I FOUND A WORM INSIDE "B" IS FOR BELOVED THAT I... >> OUF. THAT LADY'S GOT SOME BAGGAGE. [ MUSIC STOPS ] >> WHAT'S THAT? YOUNG MAN, GO TO THE DUNCE BOX. >> OH. SURE, OKAY. >> NO, NO. >> SURE. >> NO, NO. >> [ HUMMING HAPPILY ] >> AW. >> NOW, WHERE WERE WE? [ MUSIC RESUMES ] OH, YES. "G" IS FOR THE GENTLEMAN I THOUGHT HE WAS WHEN HE FIRST SAID HI >> SO, MY THEORY IS HOT DOGS ARE NOT ACTUALLY DOGS, REGARDLESS OF WHAT THEY TEACH YOU IN SCHOOL. BUT YOU GUYS DON'T GO TO SCHOOL, HUH? I'm gonna stick with you guys. [ WATER SLOSHES ] HA-HA! HEY, I GOT AN IDEA. LET'S PLAY "TWO OLD CAT." DO YOU GUYS KNOW HOW TO PLAY "TWO OLD CAT"? IT'S FUN. I'LL SHOW YOU. HERE WE GO. HERE'S ONE OLD CAT. >> [ MEOWS ] >> [ MEOWS WEAKLY ] >> YOU FOUND ANOTHER ONE! WAIT. NO. I THINK THAT CAT IS TOO OLD. >> ROWR. >> SORRY, KITTY. WE'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER OLD CAT. >> HEY, JEFFREY, I THINK THERE'S ONE BEHIND YOU! [ RASPY BREATHING ] >> [ ROARS ] >> GORILLA! RUN! >> [ GROWLS QUIZZICALLY ] >> AND "Y," YES, WHY IS THE QUESTION THAT'S ON MY MIND OH, WHY? >> HEY, DUNCE. THIS IS DREADFUL! >> GOOD. I'M GLAD YOU FEEL THAT WAY. >> [ GROANS ] [ BELL TOLLING ] >> I REMEMBER LIKE -- HUH? >> [ GASPS ] GORILLA! >> [ BABBLING ] >> MEALTIME ALREADY? WELL, COME ALONG CHILDREN. [ HOT JAZZ PLAYS ] >> [ GRUNTS ] [ ALL PANTING ] [ ROARS ] >> [ GRUNTING ] [ SPITS ] >> HUH? AAH! >> MM-HMM. [ SLOW JAZZY PIANO PLAYS ] >> WE DON'T WANT TO BE LATE FOR MEALTIME. MY FATHER WILL BE VISITING TODAY, AND WE'LL NEED TO BE ON OUR BEST BEHAVIOR. [ HOT JAZZ PLAYS ] >> QUICK! IN HERE! [ PANTING ] [ MUSIC FADES OUT, DRAMATIC PIANO PLAYS ] >> OH, BOY! MEALTIME! THIS IS WAY BETTER THAN BEING CHASED BY A GORILLA. >> [ SNIFFS ] [ MUNCH! MUNCH! MUNCH! ] [ GROANS ] >> AW, WHAT'S THE MATTER? MM. KIND OF BLAND. >> [ SNORTS ] [ SIGHS ] >> HEY, NOBODY ORDERED YOU TO EAT YET. >> YEAH, BUT... MM. >> HMM. [ HUMS QUIZZICALLY ] >> OHH. >> HEY! I KNOW WHAT TO DO! HERE, MISS LANGTREE. PLAY SOMETHING LIKE THIS. [ WILD DISCORDANT MUSIC PLAYS ] >> OH, LIKE THIS? [ PLEASANT MID-TEMPO SWING MUSIC PLAYS ] >> MM...GOOD ENOUGH. [ GRUNTS ] OH, POTATOES AND MOLASSES IF YOU WANT SOME, OH, JUST ASK US THEY'RE WARM AND SOFT LIKE PUPPIES AND SOCKS FILLED WITH CREAM AND CANDY ROCKS OH, POTATOES AND MOLASSES THEY'RE SO MUCH SWEETER THAN ALGEBRA CLASS IF YOUR STOMACH IS GRUMBLIN' AND YOUR MOUTH STARTS MUMBLIN' THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO KEEP YOUR BRAIN FROM CRUMBLIN' OH, POTATOES AND MOLASSES IF YOU CAN'T SEE 'EM PUT ON YOUR GLASSES THEY'RE SHINY AND LARGE LIKE A FISHERMAN'S BARGE YOU KNOW YOU EAT ENOUGH WHEN YOU START SEEING STARS OH, POTATOES AND MOLASSES IT'S THE ONLY THING LEFT ON YOUR TASK LIST THEY'RE SHORT AND STOUT, THEY'LL MAKE EVERYONE SHOUT FOR POTATOES AND MOLASSES FOR POTATOES AND -- [ BLAM! ] >> THAT'S ENOUGH! >> FATHER. >> IS THIS WHAT I'VE BEEN PAYING FOR?! >> HEY, WE JUST WANTED TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN. >> I DIDN'T INVEST IN THIS SCHOOL FOR FUN. I THOUGHT WE WERE TRYING TO DO IMPORTANT WORK HERE, TEACHING ANIMALS TO COUNT AND SPELL. >> WE ARE! OH, PLEASE, FATHER, DON'T CLOSE THE SCHOOL. IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN. >> I SHOULD SAY IT WON'T. >> THIS... >> PBHT! >> ...THIS... >> [ MEOWS ] >> ...AND THIS ARE ALL COMING WITH ME. NOW SEND THEM TO BED! >> YOU HEARD FATHER. OFF TO BED WITH YOU. [ SLOW WISTFUL JAZZ PLAYS ] >> [ SIGHS ] >> [ WHIMPERING ] >> [ SNIFFLES ] >> I JUST WANTED TO HAVE FUN, CHANGE THE WORLD, AND MAKE IT A BETTER PLACE. BUT I JUST MADE EVERYTHING WORSE. >> [ CROAKS ] >> OKAY, WIRT, I'LL ADMIT IT -- YOU SEEM LIKE A PUSHOVER, BUT YOU'RE NOT. >> OH? >> DEEP DOWN IN YOUR HEART, YOU'RE A STUBBORN JERK. WHEN ARE YOU GONNA GIVE THIS UP? >> MAYBE NEVER. MAYBE I'LL NEVER GIVE THIS UP. >> HMM. YEAH! WIRT'S RIGHT -- NEVER GIVE UP! COME ON, WIRT. LET'S GO SAVE THE DAY. >> OKAY, IF YOU SAY SO. >> [ SCOFFS ] >> COME ON. [ OWL HOOTING ] >> SO, WHAT'S THE PLAN, GREG? >> PLAN? OHH. I DON'T KNOW. >> OHH! WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT MAKING A PRIMER SCHOOL FOR ANIMALS WAS A BAD IDEA? MY LIFE SAVINGS, MY HOME -- EVERYTHING I HAD WENT INTO THAT DEAR, DEAR SCHOOL. AND NOW I'M FORCED TO SELL THESE INSTRUMENTS JUST TO KEEP IT OPEN. ALL THE WHILE THAT LOATHSOME JIMMY BROWN IS OFF GALLIVANTING WHO KNOWS WHERE! NOT TO MENTION THAT WILD GORILLA ON THE LOOSE. [ SIGHS ] IF ONLY SOMETHING WOULD GO RIGHT FOR A CHANGE. [ SNORING ] >> OKAY, I THINK HE'S ASLEEP. LET'S GO STEAL HIS STUFF. >> Both: WHAT? [ PASTORAL MUSIC PLAYS, BIRDS CHIRPING ] >> [ SNORING ] [ GROANS ] [ GASPS ] THE INSTRUMENTS! THEY'VE BEEN STOLEN! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING?! [ MID-TEMPO MARCH PLAYS ] HUH? >> [ HUMMING ] [ INDISTINCT CHATTER ] >> HERE YOU GO. >> OH, HERE YOU GO, SONNY. [ MUSIC CONTINUES ] >> WHAT IS THIS? >> IT'S A BENEFIT CONCERT FOR THE SCHOOL. >> AH, ISN'T IT GRAND -- ALL THESE FINE PEOPLE GIVING OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF THEIR HEARTS? [ SIGHS ] NOT LIKE MY JIMMY BROWN. [ DRAMATIC PIANO PLAYS ] >> OHH, HERE WE GO. >> ALL HE EVER DID WAS STEAL MY HEART AWAY. >> GORILLA! >> AAH! >> [ ROARS ] [ CROWD SCREAMING ] >> YOUNG MAN, DO SOMETHING! >> UH... [ SHOUTS WEAKLY ] WHOA! >> [ GROANS ] [ ALL GASP ] >> [ GRUNTS LOUDLY ] FINALLY. >> JIMMY? >> THAT'S RIGHT, DARLIN'. I WAS THE GORILLA. >> BUT WHY DID YOU DO IT? >> GOT A JOB IN THE CIRCUS SO'S I COULD FINALLY BUY YA THAT WEDDING RING. BUT WHEN I GOT STUCK IN THE DANG SUIT, EVERYBODY WAS TOO DOGGONE SCARED TO HELP ME OUT. >> AW, JIMMY. OH! >> DARLIN'. [ ALL CHEER ] >> [ CHITTERING, GRUNTING ] >> [ SNIFFLES ] >> I GUESS THE WORLD REALLY IS AS SWEET AS POTATOES AND MOLASSES. >> OH, POTATOES AND MOLASSES IF YOU WANT SOME... >> SO, WANT ME TO TELL GREG IT'S TIME TO GET GOING? >> NAH, LET HIM HAVE HIS FUN. >> FILLED WITH CREAM AND CANDY AND ROCKS >> HEY, WIRT. >> YEAH? >> TIE YOUR SHOE. >> HMM. OH. MM. OKAY. >> ...ALGEBRA CLASS IF YOUR STOMACH IS GRUMBLIN' AND YOUR MOUTH... [ MYSTERIOUS CLASSICAL PIANO PLAYS ]

Chapter 4: Songs of the Dark Lantern

[ WIND RUSHING, PASTORAL MUSIC PLAYING ] [ TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS ] [ PASTORAL MUSIC PLAYING ] [ WIND WHISTLING ] >> STOP! NO! [ SHOUTS ] OH, NO! THE BEAST IS UPON ME! [ DUCK QUACKS ] >> SHH! >> GREG, IS THERE A BEAST OUT THERE? >> MMM... I FOUND A DUCK. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE EGGS FROM A DUCK? I'M HUNGRY. >> WHAT ABOUT THE BEAST? >> THE BEAST IS UPON ME! >> I DIDN'T SEE ANY BEAST. THAT DRIVER IS NUTS. MMM, NUTS. >> WHEW! WELL, THAT'S GOOD. >> GOOD?! THAT CRAZY DRIVER'S TAKING US WAY OFF COURSE! >> REALLY? >> YEAH, WHO KNOWS WHERE WE ARE BY NOW WITH THAT GUY ACTING ALL BANANAS. >> OOH, BANANA NUT DUCK BREAD. [ LIGHTNING STRIKES ] >> [ WHINNIES ] [ ALL SHOUT, DUCKS SQUAWKING ] >> WHOA-AH! >> WELL, FINALLY SOME GOOD LUCK. LET'S GO TO THIS CREEPY TAVERN AND ASK FOR SOME DIRECTIONS. >> BUT... [ LIGHTNING STRIKES ] [ SIGN CREAKING ] >> [ NEIGHING, CRYING ] >> BUT IT'S CREEPY. WHY DON'T YOU GUYS GO ASK FOR DIRECTIONS, AND I'LL JUST WAIT OUT -- NO, WAIT, I-I DON'T WANT TO BE OUT HERE BY MYSELF. HOW ABOUT YOU GUYS -- >> JUST GO TO THE TAVERN! >> OKAY! BUT YOU ASK FOR DIRECTIONS. >> FINE, YEAH, I'LL DO EVERYTHING. >> I'M HUNGRY. >> [ GRUNTS ] >> Go on! >> I-IT'S STUCK. OH. [ DOG SPUTTERING ] E-EXCUSE ME, THERE. EXCUSE ME. HMM? >> [ WHISTLING ] [ DOWN-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING ] [ INDISTINCT TALKING ] [ WHISTLING CONTINUES ] [ DOWN-TEMPO MUSIC CONTINUES ] >> YOU. WAIT. HERE. I'LL GET SOME FOOD. >> WELL, AT LEAST IT HAS MUSIC. >> WELL, HEY, THERE, PEACH POT. WHATCHA DOING AROUND -- HEY, WHAT'S THAT BIRD YOU GOT THERE? >> IT'S A -- >> I AM BEATRICE! THESE TWO SWEET KIDS AND I GOT A BIT LOST IN THE -- AAH! [ GASPS ] >> NO BIRDS ALLOWED IN MY TAVERN! >> NO BIRDS ALLOWED IN YOUR -- >> IT'S A BAD OMEN WHEN A BLUEBIRD ENTERS THROUGH YOUR DOOR. IT'S BAD LUCK! >> LADY, BLUEBIRDS ARE GOOD LUCK! WE BRING JOY AND HAPPINESS TO THE -- AAH! >> GOOD LUCK, BAD LUCK -- I DON'T NEED ANY OF IT! >> CURSE YOU, LADY! CURSE YOU! YOU'LL DIE SOMEDAY, AND I'LL LAUGH -- LAUGH! [ LAUGHS ] >> OHH! >> FORGET THIS. I'M OUT OF HERE. WIRT, YOU GET DIRECTIONS. >> W-WAIT, NO. I-I DON'T WANT TO -- >> JUST DO IT! >> WHO ARE YOU TWO ANYWAY, BRINGING BAD LUCK TO MY TAVERN? >> I'M WIRT, AND THIS IS GREGORY. >> [ SNORTS ] >> AND THAT'S A HORSE! >> THAT'S GREAT, BUT WHO ARE YOU? >> I'M...WIRT. I'M -- I'M JUST A-A GUY, I-I GUESS. UM, W-WHAT DO YOU MEAN? >> WELL, HE'S THE BUTCHER... >> I'M THE BUTCHER. >> ...THE BAKER... >> YEAH! >> ...THE MIDWIFE... >> [ COUGHS ] >> ...THE MASTER AND APPRENTICE... THE TAILOR. >> [ MOANING ] >> AND I'M THE TAVERN KEEPER. WHO ARE YOU?! >> I'M HUNGRY! >> I-I-I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T REALLY LIKE LABELS. I'M JUST SORT OF, LIKE, MYSELF, YOU KNOW? >> MAYBE HE'S SIMPLE. >> NO, I-I'M JUST [SIGHS] I'M JUST LOST. SEE, W-WE'RE TRYING TO GET TO -- >> I'M THE HIGHWAYMAN. >> OKAY, GOOD TO KNOW. WELL, SO, YOU SEE -- >> I'M THE HIGHWAYMAN I MAKE ENDS MEET JUST LIKE ANY MAN I WORK WITH MY HANDS IF YOU CROSS MY PATH [ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING ] I'LL KNOCK YOU OUT DRAG YOU OFF THE ROAD STEAL YOUR SHOES FROM OFF YOUR FEET I'M THE HIGHWAYMAN AND I MAKE ENDS MEE-E-E-E-T [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> [ SIGHS ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CONTINUE IN DISTANCE ] >> [ SIGHS ] HEY. >> [ CRUNCHING ] >> ARE YOU WEARING LIPSTICK? >> [ SMACKS LIPS, SNORTING ] >> LA LA LA LA >> HMM? WHO'S OUT THERE? >> CHOP THE WOOD TO LIGHT THE FIRE >> WHAT KIND OF PERSON GOES OUT CHOPPING TREES IN THE MIDDLE OF A THUNDERSTORM AT NIGHT? >> LIGHT THAT FIERY FIRE >> WHAT KIND OF A PERSON TALKS TO A HORSE? >> [ NEIGHS, LAUGHS ] >> OOH-AH. [ BOTH GRUNTING ] >> [ LAUGHING ] >> HMM. [ SIGHS ] >> [ LAUGHING ] >> EXCUSE ME? >> HUH? >> I WAS WONDERING IF YOU KNEW THE WAY -- UH, I MEAN, I-I'M -- HER NAME IS ADELAIDE, AND -- >> OH, IT'S A GIRL YOU'RE AFTER, EH? >> NO! I-I MEAN, YES, BUT -- >> [ LAUGHS ] OH, YOU'RE NOT THE WITLESS SIMPLE-MINDED FOOL EVERYBODY TAKES YOU FOR. >> EVERYONE THINKS I'M -- >> YOU'RE THE YOUNG LOVER. >> WHAT? YOUNG LOVER? NO, UH -- >> IF YOU REALLY WANT TO GET WITH THIS ADELAIDE GAL... >> I-I DON'T. I-I MEAN, I-I -- >> WELL, HERE'S WHAT YOU DO. [ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING ] WRITE A LOVING LETTER, BOY THAT SWOOPS AND SWEEPS AND CURLS CALLIGRAPHER'S JUST THE THING TO HELP YOU WIN YOUR GIRL THEN YOU'LL NEED TO DRESS UP SMART THE TAILOR'S HERE BY CHANCE HE'LL STITCH YOUR TROUSERS, HOLE YOUR BELT, IN FINE COUTURE OF FRANCE YOUR SHOES, MY GOODNESS, HOW THEY'RE WORN, BUT YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO KNOW NOTHING COURTS A WOMAN'S SCORN MORE THAN SCUFFS ON THE TOE THE COBBLER CAN ATTEND TO THAT MEANWHILE, YOU MUST HAVE CAKE THE BAKER AND PATISSIER NEED WORK FOR GOODNESS SAKE HIGH, DEE, DIDDLY, UM-DE-DUM-DE-DAY WHAT A MERRY TIME WE'LL HAVE UPON YOUR WEDDING DAY >> WHAT? >> HIGH, DEE, DIDDLY, UM-DE-DUM-DE-DAY THERE'S WORK FOR ALL WHEN LITTLE BOYS GET MARRIED [ LAUGHTER ] >> NO, NO, NO, NO. Y-YOU GUYS, I-I-I'M NOT GETTING MARRIED. I'M JUST TRYING TO FIND -- >> THAT POINTY CONE UPON YOUR HEAD >> OH, NO, PLEASE. >> YOU CAN'T BE WEARING THAT [ MID-TEMPO MUSIC CONTINUES IN DISTANCE ] [ THUNDER RUMBLING ] >> MM. [ SIGHS ] IF I HAVE TO BE OUTSIDE, THEN THOSE JOKERS DO, TOO. >> OH, HEY, BEATRICE! DO YOU WANT SOME FOOD, TOO? >> NO. HOW'S WIRT DOING GETTING DIRECTIONS? >> MM, PRETTY GOOD. >> HIGH, DEE, DIDDLY, UM-DE-DUM-DE-DAY WHAT A MERRY TIME WE'LL HAVE UPON YOUR WEDDING DAY >> [ SIGHS ] >> HIGH, DEE, DIDDLY >> WHAT ABOUT THAT WOODSMAN? I BET HE KNOWS THESE WOODS BETTER THAN ANYBODY, HUH? [ SIGHS ] ALL RIGHT, HORSE, GOOD RIDDANCE! >> [ NEIGHS, LAUGHS ] [ ALL CHEERING ] >> LOVER! LOVER! >> NO, Y-YOU GUYS, ADELAIDE ISN'T -- I-I'M JUST -- >> YOUNG LOVER, SING US YOUR LOVE SONG! >> LOVE SONG? >> YEAH, LOVER! SING US YOUR LOVE SONG! >> NO, I-I-I DON'T HAVE A -- >> All: [ Chanting ] SING, LOVER, SING! >> NO. >> All: SING, LOVER, SING! >> MIDWIFE, NO. AAH! OHH! >> All: SING, LOVER, SING! SING, LOVER, SING! SING, LOVER, SING! >> SING, BOY, SING! >> [ VOCALIZING NERVOUSLY ] MY NAME IS WIRT, AND HIS NAME IS GREG WE'RE RELATED 'CAUSE MY MOM REMARRIED AND THEN GAVE BIRTH TO HIM WITH MY STEPDAD [ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING ] [ SIGHS ] WE'RE NOT FROM AROUND HERE CAN YOU ALL GIVE ME SOME DIRECTIONS TODAY? SO WE CAN BE ON OUR [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] WA-A-A-Y >> THIS AIN'T NO LOVE SONG. >> [ SNIFFLING ] IT'S A METAPHOR. [ CRYING ] >> KEEP IT TOGETHER, TAILOR. >> HEY! >> UH, YES? >> I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE! YOU'RE A PILGRIM! >> WHAT? WHAT, LIKE THE -- THE GUYS WHO EAT TURKEY AND CRANBERRY SAUCE? >> NO, YOU'RE A PILGRIM! >> A PILGRIM? >> YOU'RE A TRAVELER ON A SACRED JOURNEY. >> YOU'RE THE MASTER OF YOUR OWN DESTINY. >> THE HERO OF YOUR OWN STORY! >> A PILGRIM. >> TELL US YOUR FEATS, PILGRIM! WHAT OTHER CHALLENGES HAVE YOU OVERCOME? >> REGALE US WITH YOUR TRAVELS, PILGRIM! >> ONE TIME, WIRT FELL ON A GORILLA. [ ALL CHEERING ] AND HELPED ME FIND THIS FROG. [ ALL CHEERING ] >> MORE! TELL US MORE! >> TELL US MORE! LET THE CAT OUT OF THE BAG! WE WANT TO HEAR IT! >> AND, OH, UH, I MET THIS HELPFUL WOODSMAN WHO TOLD US WHICH DIRECTION TO GO TO AVOID THE BEAST. >> All: [ GASP ] THE BEAST! >> THE BEAST. >> OH, GOODNESS. >> OH, YOU GUYS HAVE HEARD OF THE BEAST, TOO? >> WE ALL KNOW THE BEAST, PILGRIM. HE LURKS OUT THERE IN THE UNKNOWN SEEKING THOSE WHO ARE FAR FROM HOME HOPING NEVER TO LET YOU RETURN >> [ VOCALIZING ] OOH-OOH, BETTER BEWARE OOH-OOH, THE BEAST IS OUT THERE OOH-OOH, BETTER BE WISE AND DON'T BELIEVE HIS LIES >> [ VOCALIZING ] >> FOR ONCE YOUR WILL BEGINS TO SPOIL HE'LL TURN YOU TO A TREE OF OIL AND USE YOU IN HIS LANTERN FOR TO BURN >> [ VOCALIZING ] >> [ BLOWS ] >> WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! LANTERN? THE WOODSMAN WAS THE GUY WITH THE WEIRD LANTERN, NOT THE BEAST. >> PILGRIM, HE WHO CARRIES THE DARK LANTERN MUST BE THE BEAST. >> WHAT? NO, THE WOODSMAN'S A GOOD GUY. HE WARNED US OF THE BEAST AND TOLD US WHICH DIRECTION TO GO TO AVOID HIM. >> AND NOW YOU'RE MORE LOST THAN EVER, HUH? >> YEAH, BUT... OH, YEAH, HEY, CAN YOU GIVE US SOME DIRECTIONS? OUR FRIEND BEATRICE IS TRYING TO TAKE US TO ADELAIDE OF THE PASTURE, THE GOOD WOMAN OF THE WOODS. SHE CAN HELP US GET HOME. >> YOU DON'T NEED DIRECTIONS, PILGRIM. YOU FOLLOW THAT COMPASS INSIDE YOUR HEART. >> UH... NO, I THINK WE NEED DIRECTIONS. >> AAH! >> [ GASPS ] BEATRICE! >> GO SAVE YOUR FRIEND AND GET YOURSELF HOME! [ ALL CHEERING, SHOUTING ] >> PILGRIM! >> YOU GOT IT! >> UH... OKAY. >> NEVER SAY DIE, NEVER SAY DIE! [ ALL CHEERING ] >> OH, BOY, I GUESS I'M REALLY DOING THIS. HORSE, I'M JUST GONNA PRETEND LIKE I CAN RIDE YOU, ALL RIGHT? [ GRUNTS ] >> [ NEIGHING ] >> BEATRICE?! [ CREATURE HOWLING IN DISTANCE ] BEATRICE? [ WIND WHISTLING ] ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE TREES. >> HALT! >> [ GASPS ] >> IT'S YOU! >> HEY, MR. WOODSMAN! >> I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE THESE WOODS! >> [ GASPS ] BEATRICE! YOU'RE TURNING HER INTO AN EDELWOOD TREE! [ GASPS ] YOU WERE THE BEAST ALL ALONG! [ BLOWS ] >> HUH?! >> [ WHINNYING ] >> WHOA! HUH?! WHAT IS THIS? >> GREG, GET BEATRICE! [ GRUNTING ] >> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! BOYS, THE BEAST IS UPON YOU! AGH! OH! [ GASPS ] >> [ NEIGHING ] >> [ SIGHS ] >> BEATRICE, YOU ALL RIGHT? >> YEAH, I JUST -- I SAW A WEIRD SHADOW AND THEN STUPIDLY FLEW INTO A TREE AND GOT KNOCKED OUT. >> OH, WELL, WE'RE ALL RIGHT NOW. >> WIRT WAS AMAZING! HE SANG A SONG, RODE A HORSE, AND SAVED YOU FROM THE AXE GUY! HE'S THE PILGRIM! >> THAT'S ALL WELL AND GOOD, BUT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GET DIRECTIONS. >> I DID. WE JUST GOT DIRECTIONS FROM FRED BEFORE YOU WOKE UP. >> WHO? >> OH, UH, BEATRICE, MEET FRED THE HORSE. >> NICE TO HORSE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE. >> YOU CAN TALK?! >> [ NEIGHS, LAUGHS ] >> IT SEEMS YOU'RE RUNNING OUT OF OIL, WOODSMAN. WHY NOT LET ME TAKE THE LANTERN FOR AWHILE? >> BEGONE, BEAST! I'VE FOUGHT YOU FOR THE LANTERN BEFORE, AND I'LL FIGHT YOU AGAIN! >> NO NEED FOR VIOLENCE, WOODSMAN, BUT BE SURE TO KEEP IT LIT, OR YOUR DAUGHTER'S FLAME WILL GO OUT... FOREVER. NOW, WHAT DIRECTION DID THOSE CHILDREN GO? >> YOU LEAVE THOSE CHILDREN BE! >> [ LAUGHING EVILLY ] >> BEAST! >> LA LA LA LA >> BEAST! >> LA LA LA LA CHOP THE WOOD TO LIGHT THE FIRE [ MYSTERIOUS CLASSICAL PIANO MUSIC PLAYING ]

Chapter 5: Mad Love

[ WIND RUSHING, PASTORAL MUSIC PLAYS ] [ BIRD CRIES ] >> YES, TEA! THAT'S MY TRADE! QUINCY ENDICOTT'S HEALTH TEA. >> YOUR TEA SOUNDS GOOD. >> UGH. NEVER TOUCH THE STUFF MYSELF. >> BLEH. ME EITHER. >> HA HA! YES! IT'S ALL FOR THE MONEY! YES, THE MONEY TAKES MY MIND OFF MY TROUBLES -- THE DEEP SOUL-CRUSHING LONELINESS. [ SHIVERS ] YES, THE MORE MONEY I MAKE, THE BIGGER MY MANSION GETS, THE MORE LOST I FEEL. [ SOBS ] WHY, THIS HOUSE IS SO BIG, I SOMETIMES DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE OR WHO I AM! [ LAUGHS ] >> YEAH, WELL, I'M GLAD YOUR NEPHEWS HERE WERE ABLE TO PAY A VISIT. >> YEAH, YEAH! >> YES, WHAT A -- WHAT A PLEASURE IT IS TO HAVE COMPANY -- A PERFECT PLEASURE. A PERFECT PLEASURE, LADS! A PER-- YES, YES. YEAH, YEAH. >> HA HA! YEAH! HA HA! PERFECT PLEASURE, HEATHER... >> UM, BEATRICE, W-WHY ARE YOU PRETENDING I'M THIS GUY'S NEPHEW? >> WE NEED MONEY. >> YOU'RE SCAMMING HIM? >> I WAS THINKING MORE LIKE FLAT-OUT STEALING FROM HIM. >> WHAT? NO WAY. >> WHY NOT? WE ALREADY STOLE A HORSE. >> HEY, GUYS. >> NO, WE DIDN'T. FRED'S A TALKING HORSE. HE CAN DO WHATEVER HE WANTS. >> I WANT TO STEAL. >> [ GASPS ] WHAT?! YOU GUYS ARE BONKERS. >> IF WE'RE GOING TO ADELAIDE'S, WE NEED TWO CENTS. >> MM-HMM. >> WELL, YOU GUYS DO WHAT YOU -- TWO CENTS? ONLY TWO CENTS? >> YEAH, WE NEED TWO PENNIES TO TAKE THE FERRY TO ADELAIDE'S PASTURE. >> HA HA! COME EVERYONE! LET US RETIRE TO THE PARLOR AND ENJOY MY UNNECESSARY EXCESS OF WEALTH AND LUXURY. [ LAUGHS ] >> WELL, MAYBE HE JUST HAS SOME LOOSE CHANGE SOMEWHERE HE WOULDN'T MIND US TAKING. >> MM-HMM, MM-HMM, MM-HMM. >> HMM. [ CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS ] >> BEHOLD, NEPHEW, THE MAJESTY OF WEALTH! >> Both: OOH! >> [ GASPS ] WHAT WAS THAT?! UH -- >> WHAT'S WRONG UNKIE ENDICOTT? YOUR FOREHEAD IS ALL SWEATY. >> M-MY NERVES. MY -- MY -- MY NER-- [ CHUCKLES ] MY NERVES ARE A BUST THESE DAYS. >> HOW COME? >> [ GASPS ] UH, YES, YES. MAYBE IT WOULD BE -- BE GOOD TO -- TO TALK TO SOMEONE. WELL, Y-- [ CLEARS THROAT ] ACTUALLY, IT ALL BEGAN ONE DAY WHEN I WAS EXPLORING MY EXCEEDINGLY LARGE AND LABYRINTHINE MANOR HERE. I HAPPENED UPON A SECTION OF THE HOUSE I DIDN'T EVEN RECALL BUILDING. [ LAUGHS ] ISN'T THAT FUNNY? MUST'VE BEEN THE OLD WING. BUT IT WAS LIT IN A RATHER SORT OF EER-- EERIE -- EERIE LIGHT. AND I PRESSED ON, AND THEN I-I SAW THE PAINTING OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN I'VE EVER SEEN, AND THAT'S WHEN THINGS TOOK A RATHER STRANGE TURN. FROM THAT DAY ON, I WAS OBSESSED WITH THE WOMAN IN THE PORTRAIT. SHE CON-- CONSUMED MY EVERY THOUGHT. I'D FALLEN IN LOVE -- HA HA -- WITH A GHOST. [ BOTH GASP ] >> OHHHHHHHHH. >> IT'S TOO BIG. GET A GRIP. >> OH, I MUST SOUND CRAZY, MUSTN'T I? [ CHUCKLES ] PERHAPS IT'S TIME FOR YOU ALL TO LEAVE MY TREASURE-FILLED HOME. >> Both: NO! >> YEAH, UNKIE! I WANT TO SEE THE GHOST! >> OHH, HOW I LONG TO SEE HER JUST ONCE AGAIN, AS WELL, YES. >> TO THE PAINTING! >> YES. YES. [ LAUGHS ] >> OOH, BOY! GHOST HUNT! >> FRED, GO WITH THEM. BUY ME SOME TIME. >> WHILE I'M AT IT, I'LL STEAL OTHER STUFF, TOO. [ CLOCK TICKING, BELL TOLLING ] [ GLASS SHATTERS, RUSTLING ] >> WE'RE SUPPOSED TO JUST BE LOOKING FOR LOOSE CHANGE. >> THAT'S WHAT I'M -- [ GASPS ] >> AAH! >> OOPS. THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING. >> WELL, LET'S TRY NOT TO BREAK ANY MORE -- AAH, GAH! >> OH, HEY. HEY, YOU DIDN'T CHECK THE ARMOIRE. [ TAPPING ] [ BOTH GASP ] >> ENDICOTT'S BACK. HIDE! >> IS THAT THE PORTRAIT? >> NO. >> IS THAT THE PORTRAIT? >> NO. LOOK, W-W-WHY DON'T I-I JUST TELL YOU WHEN WE REACH THE PORTRAIT. >> OKAY, WHAT'S THE MATTER, UNKIE? YOU SEEM TENSE. >> YOU KNOW ME WELL, NEPHEW. YES, THE TRUTH IS I'M FRIGHTENED. >> OF A GHOST? GHOSTS ARE JUST FLOATY THINGS. >> OH, NO, NO, NOT AFRAID OF THE GHOST. I MEAN I'M AFRAID WHAT -- WHAT -- WHAT IF THERE IS NO GHOST? WHAT IF I'M ON THE -- ON THE -- ON THE -- ON THE BRINK OF -- HMM -- MADNESS. MAYBE THE DOCTORS WERE RIGHT. COME ALONG, BOYS! BACK TO THE PARLOR. >> THE PARLOR? WHAT WOULD ANYONE GO THE PARLOR FOR? THERE'S NOBODY IN THE PARLOR -- CERTAINLY NOBODY AFTER YOUR MONEY. >> YEAH, NO GIVING UP NOW, OLD MAN. IT'S GOT TO BE A GHOST! >> BUT H-HOW CAN YOU BE SO CERTAIN? >> 'CAUSE I REALLY, REALLY WANT TO SEE A GHOST -- REALLY BAD. >> OH. >> WHEW. >> OKAY, I THINK THEY'RE GONE. BEATRICE? YOU THERE? >> BAH! YES, SMART GUY. START SEARCHING FOR CHANGE. >> UH, I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING IN HERE. [ RUSTLING ] WELL, I-I DON'T THINK THESE COATS HAVE POCKETS. >> CHECK THE LINING. MAYBE SOMEBODY SEWED MONEY INTO THE FABRIC. >> NOPE. DO PEOPLE EVEN DO THAT? >> I'VE DONE IT ON MY CLOTHES. >> YOU WEAR CLOTHES? LIKE A LITTLE BIRD VEST OR SOMETHING? [ LAUGHS ] OR LITTLE BOWS? >> WHEN I WAS A HUMAN, FOOL. >> YOU USED TO BE HUMAN? DID I KNOW THAT? I-I DON'T THINK I KNEW THAT. >> JIMINY CRICKET! LET'S JUST FIND SOME COINS, ALL RIGHT? OPEN THE DOOR. >> IT'S STUCK. WELL, GUESS WE HAVE TO SPEND SOME QUALITY TIME TOGETHER. >> HELP! >> THE GREENHOUSE. [ SNIFFS ] THIS IS WHERE I GROW MY CAMELLIA FOR TESTING NEW TEAS. PERHAPS WE SHOULD SAVOR THE -- THE QUIET TRANQUILITY OF THIS -- THIS PLACE. [ SOOTHING MUSIC PLAYS, WATER RUNNING ] [ BOTH SIGH DEEPLY ] [ TAPPING ] >> [ SCREECHES ] >> AAH! AAH! GHOST! >> AAAAAAAAHH! >> AAH! AAH! I CAN'T DO IT! >> UNCLE ENDICOTT, IT'S JUST A FUNNY CHICKEN. >> YES, O-ONE OF MY PRIZE-WINNING ROASTING PEACOCKS. YES, WITH ALL THIS LOVE IN MY BRAIN, I, UH, FORGOT TO FEED THEM. IT'S ALMOST AS THOUGH I'VE LOST MY MIND. >> WE CAN LOOK FOR THAT AFTER WE FIND OUR GHOST. HEAVE-HO! >> [ Laughing ] YES, YES. HEAVE-HO. INTO THE ABYSS... NEVER TO RETURN. >> [ GASPS ] UM, ANYONE WANT TO GO BACK TO THE PARLOR? >> HEY. ARE YOU STILL THERE? >> YES, WIRT. I'M STILL HERE. >> SO, HOW DID YOU BECOME A BLUEBIRD? >> [ SIGHS ] HEY, WHAT'S THAT? >> DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT. >> HMM. [ WIND BLOWS ] THERE'S A BREEZE COMING OUT OF HERE. >> OH, YEAH. WHOA! >> WHAT?! >> A SECRET ENTRANCE! SO, ABOUT YOUR DARK SECRET. >> HEY, HOW ABOUT YOU TELL ME YOUR DARK SECRETS INSTEAD, HUH? >> MY SECRETS ARE TOO SECRET. HEY, LOOK. LIGHT. >> WHOA. NOW WHO'S AVOIDING THE QUESTION? >> YOU. >> FINE. I THREW A ROCK AT A BLUEBIRD, AND IT CURSED ME AND MY FAMILY, AND NOW WE'RE ALL BLUEBIRDS. HAPPY? NOW YOU GO. >> WHOA. Y-YOUR WHOLE FAMILY? >> YEAH. >> IS THAT WHY YOU'RE GOING TO ADELAIDE'S -- TO FIX THINGS? >> THAT WAS THE PLAN, BUT -- [ SIGHS ] YEAH, THAT WAS THE PLAN. >> IT'LL ALL WORK OUT. >> ALL I KNOW IS I AM NEVER GOING BACK TILL I CAN MAKE THEM HUMAN AGAIN. I'D DO PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING. >> [ SIGHS ] ALL RIGHT. MY TURN, HUH? OKAY. WELL, IT'S WEIRD TO ADMIT IT, BUT, WELL, I-I HAVE THIS CRUSH ON THIS GIRL. >> MM-HMM. >> THAT'S ALL. >> THAT'S ALL? >> AND I THINK ABOUT HER A LOT, AND I PLAY CLARINET. >> WIRT! YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. >> AND I SECRETLY WHISPER POETRY TO MYSELF IN MY ROOM AT NIGHT. >> WIRT, THAT STUFF'S NOT WEIRD. THOSE ARE JUST -- [ SIGHS ] WELL, THE POETRY THING IS WEIRD. BUT THOSE ARE JUST CHARACTER TRAITS. YOU PLAYED CLARINET? >> SORT OF. >> WHAT ELSE DO YOU DO? >> I DON'T KNOW. UH -- HEY. DOES THIS ROOM LOOK DIFFERENT TO YOU? >> UH, HOW SO? >> IT'S LIKE FRENCH-ROCOCO STYLE. THAT DOESN'T REALLY SEEM IN LINE WITH ENDICOTT'S GEORGIAN SENSIBILITIES. >> HOW -- WHAT? WHO ON EARTH AM I TALKING TO RIGHT NOW? >> SHOULD I NOT KNOW THAT SORT OF STUFF? >> ENDICOTT PROBABLY JUST BUILT IT WITHOUT THINKING, RIGHT? >> OR -- WHOA. YEAH. W-WHAT IF THE GHOST HE WAS TALKING ABOUT WAS ACTUALLY... >> [ WHIMPERING ] >> THIS IS THE ROOM WHERE -- THE ROOM WHERE I FIRST SAW HER. >> WHOA! JUST A BEDROOM? >> JUST A BEDROOM, MY NEPHEW? THIS IS THE CHAMBER OF MINE OWN TRUE LOVE, AND HERE SHE STANDS, HOVERING ABOVE US LIKE THE BLINDING SUN. >> HMM. NO GHOST? >> NO GHOST? THEN I AM... MAD. >> DON'T BE MAD. HEY. WHAT'S THIS SUSPICIOUS MESS OVER HERE? >> IT LOOKS LIKE THERE WAS A STRUGGLE -- A VIOLENT STRUGGLE. [ PLOP! ] >> WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING, MY EQUINE FRIEND? >> NOTHING, NOTHING. I'M JUST -- ENDICOTT IS A CRAZED LUNATIC WHO DID AWAY WITH THE LADY OF THE HOUSE AND IS NOW PRETENDING TO OWN THE PLACE! >> WHAT?! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, MAKING ACCUSA-- I SEE IT NOW. YOU'RE AFTER MY MONEY. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I DID FOR THIS MONEY -- T-THE THINGS THESE FILTHY HANDS HAVE DONE TO MAKE THIS MONEY?! >> I'LL NEVER STEAL AGAIN, I SWEAR. I'LL GET AN HONEST JOB. >> AND WHAT SAY YOU, NEPHEW? >> UH, I'M CONFUSED. >> WELL, THEN -- [ GHOSTLY WAILING ] >> [ SCREAMS ] SHE COMES FOR ME! >> WAIT, UNKIE! FACE YOUR FEARS! >> [ GASPS ] >> [ SIGHS DRAMATICALLY ] >> [ SIGHS DRAMATICALLY ] >> MR. ENDICOTT? ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? >> Psst! Ghost. >> [ GASPS ] >> WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH ME, SPIRIT? >> SPIRIT? BUT YOU'RE THE GHOST. >> MY LADY, I ASSURE YOU I AM FLESH AND BLOOD AND I -- [ BREATHES DEEPLY ] I WELCOME YOU TO MY HOME. >> YOUR HOME? GOOD SIR, YOU'RE IN MY HOME. >> IMPOSSIBLE! >> LOOK HERE. YOU SEE? THIS IS MY CAMELLIA GARDEN FOR MY TEA COMPANY. >> MARGUERITTE GREY?! WHY, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, MADAM, THIS IS MY TEA GARDEN. >> QUINCY ENDICOTT?! >> YOUR GUYS' MANSIONS ARE SO HUGE THEY'RE ACTUALLY CONNECTED. >> SO YOU -- YOU MEAN THAT BEAUTIFUL GHOST WAS REALLY JUST... >> THAT DASHING SPECTER WAS REALLY JUST... >> Both: MY BUSINESS COMPETITOR? [ BIRD CRIES ] >> WELL, GREG, MY BOY, I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR HELPING ME TO FACE MY FEARS. YOU'RE A -- YOU'RE A SWEET BOY WITH GOOD SENSE. TAKE THIS PENNY AND START YOUR FORTUNE. >> AND HERE'S ONE FROM ME, AS WELL. >> HEY, NICE. NOW WE CAN RIDE THE FERRY. WELL, EVERYBODY, I THINK IT'S TIME WE HEAD TO ADELAIDE OF THE PASTURE, THE GOOD WOMAN OF THE WOODS. UH, WHAT ABOUT YOU, FRED? ARE YOU COMING WITH US? >> NO, THANKS. I'VE GOT A REAL JOB NOW AS AN OFFICIAL TEA HORSE. >> WELL, THEN I GUESS THAT'S IT. >> OFF YOU GO, THE LOT OF YOU. >> GOODBYE. >> GOODBYE. >> Both: GOODBYE. >> AND DON'T FORGET TO BUY ENDICOTT BRAND TEA. >> HEY, WIRT. YOU DID GOOD BACK THERE. >> YEAH? >> YOU GOT A LOT MORE GOING FOR YOU THAN I THOUGHT. HUH? [ DISCORDANT ACCORDION PLAYS ] >> GREG! OUR PENNIES! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?! >> 'CAUSE UNCLE ENDICOTT PEGGED ME ALL WRONG -- I'VE GOT NO "CENTS," NO "CENTS" AT ALL. >> [ CROAKS ] [ MYSTERIOUS CLASSICAL PIANO PLAYS ]

Chapter 6: Lullaby in Frogland

[ WIND RUSHING, PASTORAL MUSIC PLAYING ] [ STEAM WHISTLE BLOWS ] [ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ] [ FROGS CROAKING ] >> [ SNORING ] [ POP! ] [ STEAM WHISTLE BLOWS ] [ GLUG! GLUG! GLUG! GLUG! ] >> HA HA! HA HA! YEAH! WHOO! HA HA! HA HA! >> AHH. WHAT A NICE WAY TO SPEND OUR LAST DAY -- GOING TO ADELAIDE'S HOUSE. OUR JOURNEY IS FINALLY OVER. PRETTY SOON I'LL BE BACK HOME. I WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT WOODSMAN OR THAT BEAST OR WHATEVER, AND YOU WON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH US ANYMORE. BET YOU'RE PRETTY HAPPY, HUH, BEATRICE? >> HUH? OH. YEAH. SURE. >> YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU SOUND UNCHARACTERISTICALLY WISTFUL. >> WHAT? SORRY. JUST THINKING. >> HMM. >> OH, WE'RE GOING TO THE PASTURE TO MEET ADELAIDE AND ASK HER IF SHE HAS A WAY TO SEND US BACK WHERE WE CAME FROM I DON'T KNOW WHO SHE IS OR HOW SHE IS OR WHEN, WHAT, WHY SHE IS >> BUT AS FOR WHERE SHE IS, SHE IS WHERE WE WILL GO TO ADELAIDE, TO ADELAIDE COME ON AND JOIN THE ADELAIDE PARADE ADELAIDE, TO ADELAIDE WE'RE GOING TO ADELAIDE'S HOUSE TODAY >> [ LAUGHS ] BOY. FINALLY GOING HOME. >> [ SIGHS ] >> HEY, WHAT'S WITH BEATRICE? >> I DON'T KNOW. WHAT'S WITH GEORGE WASHINGTON BEING NAKED? [ FANFARE PLAYS ] >> WHAT? >> ALL THE OTHER FROGS ARE DRESSED UP NICE. [ BOTH CROAKING ] HE'S AN OUTCAST, AND HE'S COLD. [ WIND GUSTS ] FEEL THESE COLD FEET. >> NO. HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE COLD, GREG. HE'S A FROG. >> BUT HE'S OUR FROG! >> WELL, HE'S NOT MY FROG -- OR SHE'S NOT MY FROG. WE DON'T REALLY KNOW ITS GENDER. >> [ GASPS ] COME ON, GEORGE. YOU'RE A MANLY FROG, AND YOU NEED SOME SOCKS. >> [ CROAKS ] [ WHISTLE BLOWS ] >> HUH? [ CROWD MURMURING ] >> UH-OH. IT LOOKS LIKE WE'RE IN TROUBLE. >> [ GASPS ] IT'S 'CAUSE THE PRESIDENT IS NUDE! >> IT'S PROBABLY 'CAUSE YOU SNUCK ON WITHOUT PAYING. >> OH, YEAH. BUT THAT'S BECAUSE GREG THREW ALL OUR MONEY AWAY. TAKE HIM, NOT ME! >> AAAAAAAAAH! [ WHISTLE BLOWING ] [ FLIES BUZZING ] >> SORRY! >> [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] [ BLOWING CONTINUES ] >> TADPOLES! YOUR BABIES! [ TADPOLES CRYING ] >> [ CRYING ] >> [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] [ BLOWING CONTINUES ] [ SQUISH! SQUISH! ] >> AHH. >> GOOD DAY, GENTLE-- [ CLEARS THROAT ] [ Deep voice ] GOOD DAY, GENTLEMEN. WE -- I -- MUST BE GOING NOW TO JOIN THE BAND. >> Wirt, drum me! >> Okay. >> OW! OW, OW! OW! OW, OW! [ POP! POP! ] ARE WE GOOD? >> WHEW! I THINK SO. >> WIRT, SOMETIMES YOU GOT TO FACE YOUR PROBLEMS. TURN YOURSELF IN AND GET KICKED OFF THIS BOAT. >> I DON'T THINK TODAY'S A GOOD DAY TO GET ARRESTED BY FROGS. >> HMM. WELL... >> HEY! WHAT'S GOING ON? >> DON'T PUSH ME! >> OOF! OOF! OOF! [ INSTRUMENTS WARMING UP ] >> [ GRUNTS ] >> OKAY, EVERYBODY. ACT NATURAL. >> DRUM ME! DRUM ME! >> I SAID, "ACT NATURAL." >> IT IS NATURAL! I'M A DRUM! [ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ] WIRT, DRUM ME! DRUM ME IN THE FACE! >> OKAY! OKAY! SHH! DON'T DRAW ATTENTION TO US! [ SMACK! ] [ FROGS CROAKING ] [ FLIES BUZZING ] >> WHOA! [ HONK! ] WHOA! >> NO BASSOON PLAYER. UH-OH. [ FROGS CROAKING ANGRILY ] DOG, THOSE FROGS REALLY LOVE THE BASSOON! [ CROAKING CONTINUES ] HUH? >> HMM. >> OH, NO. BEATRICE, I'M TOO YOUNG TO GO TO FROG JAIL. >> HEY, WHY DON'T YOU PLAY THE BASSOON? >> THAT'LL GET US KICKED OFF THIS BOAT FOR SURE. >> [ GASPS ] NO, GREG'S RIGHT. YOU SHOULD PLAY IT. GO AHEAD. YOU'LL DO FINE. YOU PLAY INSTRUMENTS, RIGHT? >> YEAH, BUT BASSOON AND CLARINET ARE WAY DIFFERENT. I DON'T HAVE THE EMBOUCHURE FOR BASSOON. I MEAN, THE LOWER AND MIDDLE RANGES HAVE SOME SIMILARITIES IN TERMS OF -- >> WIRT, YOU CAN DO IT. >> SERIOUSLY, NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR ME PLAY. >> I DO! >> I DO! >> [ CROAKS ] >> UH... [ CROAKING CONTINUES ] >> WIRT? >> YEAH. HERE WE GO. [ BASSOON HONKING AND SQUEAKING ] >> OW. OW. OW. OW. [ MUSIC RESUMES ] >> AT NIGHT WHEN THE LAKE IS A MIRROR >> HUH? >> WHOA! >> AND THE MOON RIDES THE WAVES TO THE SHORE A SINGLE SOUL SETS HIS VOICE SINGING CONTENT TO BE SLIGHTLY FORLORN A SONG RISES OVER THE LILIES >> WAH-OOH, WAH-OOH >> SWEEPS HIGH TO CLEAR OVER THE REEDS AND OVER THE BULLRUSHES SWAYING TO PLUCK AT A PAIR OF HEARTSTRINGS >> HEY, BEATRICE, THANKS FOR SUPPORTING MY BASSOONING. >> YEAH. YOU'RE ACTUALLY GOOD. >> THE BEST PART IS WE'RE STILL ON TRACK TO GET TO ADELAIDE'S. >> YEP. THAT'S GREAT. >> YOU DON'T SEEM THRILLED. >> WELL, I JUST -- I DON'T WANT YOU TO -- NEVER MIND. NEVER MIND. >> CARRIES THEIR MEMORY ON [ ALL GASP ] >> [ GASPS ] [ WHISTLE BLOWS ] >> All: SHH! >> UH... [ MUSIC RESUMES ] >> OVER THE TREETOPS AND MOUNTAINS OVER THE BLACKENED RAVINES >> OHH! >> THEN SOFTLY IT FALLS BY A HOUSE NEAR A STREAM AND OVER THE GARDEN WALL TO THEE >> AHH. I KNEW YOU WERE SPECIAL. [ STEAM WHISTLE BLOWS ] [ FROGS CROAKING ] >> WHAT ARE THEY DOING? >> LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE... HIBERNATING IN THE MUD. >> SO, WHERE'S ADELAIDE'S HOUSE? IS IT CLOSE? >> IT'S -- HMM. WE SHOULD PROBABLY JUST GO TOMORROW, I THINK. WE DON'T WANT TO BOTHER HER TOO LATE, YOU KNOW? >> WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO -- JUST SIT AROUND IN THE MUD WITH THESE FROGS? >> [ GASPS ] I CALL THAT MUD OVER THERE! HA HA HA! YEAH! >> SO, THEN WHAT? >> WELL, THEN I WENT TO GO TALK TO SARA -- I MEAN, LIKE REALLY TALK TO HER, YOU KNOW -- PUT ALL MY CARDS ON THE TABLE, YOU KNOW? >> YEAH. >> AND THEN JASON FUNDERBERKER COMES OUT OF NOWHERE AND WHISKS HER AWAY! UGH! JASON FUNDERBERKER -- THAT GUY. [ GROWLS ] PLUS GREG WAS AROUND. HE WOULD HAVE EMBARRASSED ME EVEN MORE. >> WELL, WIRT, SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE A REAL LOSER BACK HOME. >> OH, THANKS A LOT. >> I MEAN COMPARED TO HOW YOU ARE HERE. HERE YOU'RE LIKE A HERO AND STUFF, RIGHT? >> AM I? WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF I'D SAY, "HERO," BUT -- >> DO YOU THINK THAT I COULD BE A HERO, TOO? HUH? [ FROGS CROAKING ] [ GASPS ] YOU DONE GOOD, MR. PRESIDENT. YOU DONE GOOD. >> IF I WAS YOU, I WOULDN'T EVEN WANT TO GO HOME. >> YEAH, BUT I-I CAN'T STAY HERE FOREVER. >> WHY NOT? >> HMM? WHY NOT? BECAUSE -- BECAUSE I-I CAN'T JUST -- MAYBE IT IS BETTER TO STAY HERE. >> GREAT. THEN IT'S AGREED. WE'RE NOT GOING TO ADELAIDE'S. GOOD NIGHT, WIRT. >> OH, WHAT? OH. GOOD NIGHT, BEATRICE. [ WIND BLOWING ] >> BEATRICE. GREG, WAKE UP! >> HUH? >> BEATRICE TOOK OFF! >> WHAT? >> COME ON! >> MMM. [ BREATHES DEEPLY ] >> COME ON, GREG! >> I'M COMING. [ BANGING ] >> [ COUGHING ] >> CLOSE THE FLUE. THAT FRESH AIR DOES SIMPLY GRUESOME THINGS TO MY TENDER, DELICATE SKIN. >> ADELAIDE, WE NEED TO TALK. >> DID YOU BRING ME WHAT I ASKED FOR? >> I FOUND TWO BROTHERS LOST IN THE WOODS, BUT I CAN'T GIVE THEM TO YOU, ADELAIDE. THEY NEED TO GO HOME. >> NONSENSE! I'LL GIVE THEM A WONDERFUL HOME HERE. >> THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID, BUT -- >> CAN'T YOU SEE I'M SICK AND HELPLESS? [ IMITATING COUGHING ] AH-CHOO! I'M ALL ALONE IN THE WORLD. I WANT A CHILD SERVANT. >> SERVANT? I THOUGHT YOU JUST WANTED SOME YARD WORK DONE. >> OUR ARRANGEMENT WAS FOR YOU TO BRING ME A CHILD SERVANT AND THEN I GIVE YOU THE SCISSORS... TO SNIP, SNIP, SNIP YOUR FAMILY'S WINGS AWAY TO MAKE THEM HUMAN AGAIN. >> WHAT IF I BECAME YOUR SERVANT? >> HA! I NEED A BIG, STRONG CHILD! >> YOU CAN TURN ME INTO A HUMAN, CAN'T YOU? >> OH, YES -- SCISSORS! >> YEAH. YEAH. SO, GIVE ME THE SCISSORS. I'LL GO HELP MY FAMILY. [ GASPS ] WIRT! >> CLOSE THE DOOR! I'LL CATCH MY DEATH OF COLD! >> WHAT'S GOING ON? >> YOU SHOULDN'T BE HERE. >> ADELAIDE? >> WELCOME HOME, CHILDREN. >> HUH? >> HUH? >> Both: AAAH! >> BEATRICE, WH-WHAT -- >> I... >> BUT I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS. >> NOW THEY'RE MINE. AND ONCE I FILL THEIR HEADS WITH WOOL, THEY'LL BECOME JUST LIKE LITTLE SHEEP AND FOLLOW MY EVERY COMMAND. >> ALL ALONG, YOU'VE BEEN LEADING US TO THIS CRAZY LADY? >> I DO AS HE COMMANDS -- THE VOICE OF THE NIGHT, THE BEAST OF ETERNAL DARKNESS. >> [ GRUNTING ] >> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! OHH! THE NIGHT AIR IS POISONOUS! >> BREATHE IT IN, LADY. WIRT, GREG, LET'S GO! >> THE DEADLY...AIR! >> WHOA! GEEZ! SHE WASN'T KIDDING! >> IT'S FRESH! OHHHHHH! >> HUH? [ HINGES CREAK ] WIRT? GREG? [ COUGHING ] GREG! WIRT! IT WASN'T WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE! I WAS JUST -- PLEASE COME BACK! OHH. [ CRYING ] >> HMM. >> WIRT, WHAT ABOUT BEATRICE? >> HMM. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TRUSTED ANYONE. >> [ CROAKS ] >> HUH? BENJAMIN FRANKLIN! >> [ CROAKS ] >> HURRY IT UP, GREG. [ WIND BLOWING ]

Chapter 7: The Ringing of the Bell

[ WIND RUSHING, PASTORAL MUSIC PLAYING ] [ THUNDER RUMBLES ] >> [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] WHAT ARE WE DOING? >> WE'RE WALKING, GREG. >> BUT WHERE? >> A PLACE TO WAIT OUT THIS RAIN. >> OH. BUT... [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] SHOULDN'T WE WAIT FOR BEATRICE? >> [ SIGHS ] I DON'T NEED BEATRICE. I-I'LL FIGURE THIS OUT ON MY OWN. >> OH, THAT'S GOOD. I'M GLAD YOU HAVE A PLAN. HEY, WIRT? >> WHAT? >> SO, WHAT'S THE PLAN? 'CAUSE YOU'RE NOT SAYING ANY DETAILS, SO IT'S HARD FOR ME -- >> GREG, I DO HAVE A PLAN. AND IF YOU DON'T TRUST ME, THEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO FOLLOW ME, OKAY? IF YOU WANT TO GO LOOK FOR BEATRICE, GO AHEAD. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT. >> ANYTHING? THAT'S A LOT OF POWER. [ CRASH ] WIRT! OH, NO! ID I KNOCK DOWN THAT TREE WITH MY POWERS? SORRY. ARE YOU OKAY? >> YEAH. THAT TREE JUST CAME AT ME OUT OF NOWHERE. GREG, LOOK -- AX MARKS. SOMEONE CHOPPED IT DOWN. >> INDEED. 'TWAS I. >> [ GASPS ] >> AAH! OHH! >> STOP! LISTEN! THE BEAST KNOWS YOUR PRESENCE! READY TO CLAIM YOU AS PART OF HIS DARK FOREST, BUT ONLY IF YOU GIVE UP! KEEP HEARTY IN BOTH BODY AND SPIRIT AND YOU SHALL BE SAFE FROM HIM. FALL ILL OR LOSE HOPE AND YOUR LIFE SHALL PASS INTO HIS CROOKED HANDS. UGH! CHILDREN! PLEASE, HEED MY WARNING! BOYS, BEWARE THE BEAST! >> WOODSMAN. >> HUH? >> WE SHOULD TALK. [ THUNDER RUMBLES ] >> [ GRUNTS ] >> [ GRUNTS ] I THINK WE LOST HIM. >> HA HA! YOU GOT HIM WITH THE OLD KICKEROO! >> SEE? I GOT IT UNDER CONTROL. I DON'T NEED BEATRICE. NOW, TO FIND SOMEPLACE TO WAIT OUT THIS RAIN... >> AS LONG AS IT'S NOT THAT OLD, BROKEN-DOWN -- >> SHH! IT'S PERFECT! COME ON, GREG! >> UH, WIRT... AIN'T THAT JUST THE WAY? [ FROG CROAKING ] >> THIS PLACE ISN'T SO BAD. HUH? >> MAYBE. DUM DUM-DUM DUM-DUM DUM DUM [ CROAKING CONTINUES ] >> GET THAT FROG OUT OF YOUR PANTS. >> HE CAN DO WHAT HE WANTS. HEY, WHAT'S IN THESE OLD BASKETS? WHOA! >> WHAT? >> WE'RE RICH! >> WHAT? >> LOOK! IT'S FULL OF BLACK TURTLES! WE'RE TURTLE RICH! >> [ GROANS ] >> [ CHUCKLES ] >> YOU KNOW, IT'S KIND OF FUNNY, FINDING A BASKET OF TURTLES IN AN ABANDONED HOUSE, HUH? >> HA HA! YEAH. [ LAUGHS ] >> GREG, NOT THAT KIND OF FUNNY. >> HUH? OH. >> AUNTIE? AUNTIE, I FINISHED SORTING -- [ GASPS ] >> [ GASPS ] >> WHO ARE YOU?! >> WE'RE BURGLARS! >> NO, NO. NO, NO. WE'RE -- WE'RE NOT. WE JUST NEEDED TO GET OUT OF THE RAIN, AND WE THOUGHT THIS PLACE WAS ABANDONED, SO WE -- >> SO WE CAME HERE TO BURGLE YOUR TURTS. >> NO, IT'S NOT TRUE. >> IT IS TRUE! [ LAUGHS ] OH, OKAY. I GIVE UP. >> HA! SEE? >> I BELIEVE YOU, BUT, PLEASE [COUGHS] HIDE YOURSELVES AT ONCE. AUNTIE WHISPERS IS COMING SOON. >> UH, WHAT? [ BOTH GASP ] [ FOOTSTEPS APPROACH ] >> HIDE, QUICKLY! WELCOME HOME, AUNTIE. >> LORNA, MY SWEET CHILD. [ SNIFFS ] HMM. HAS ANYONE COME HERE TODAY? >> NAY, AUNTIE -- NOT A SOUL. >> THEN NO ONE SHALL BE DEVOURED ALIVE TONIGHT? >> NAY, I PRAY NOT, MUM. >> DEVOURED ALIVE? >> YOU'RE A GOOD GIRL, LORNA, BUT YOU DECEIVE ME. >> I SPEAK THE TRUTH, AUNTIE. I SWEAR. >> DECEIVE ME NOT, CHILD. I CAN SMELL THEM. [ SNIFFING ] I CAN SMELL THE CHILDREN IN THIS HOUSE. >> WHAT? CHILDREN? I'M, LIKE, IN HIGH SCHOOL. >> YEAH, WELL, YOU STILL STINK. >> SHH! >> YOU "SHH." >> TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE HIDING THEM, PRECIOUS ONE. >> I -- >> THE RINGING OF THE BELL COMMANDS YOU. [ BELL RINGING ] >> [ GASPS ] LOOK [GASPS] IN THE BASKET. >> YOU HAVE ENTERED THE HOUSE OF DOOM, CHILDREN -- YOUR DOOM. >> [ GASPS ] >> OH. MY DEAR, WHY, ALL ALONG, YOU MEANT IT BE THE TURTLES THAT SMELL SO RIPE. >> A-A-AYE. THAT IS WHAT I MEANT. >> [ SNIFFS ] MM. [ MUNCHING ] THEN YOU HAVE NO EVIL SECRETS TO KEEP? >> NAY. I HAVE NONE. >> THEN OFF TO BED GO I, AND YOU, LORNA -- YOU SHALL SORT THE BONES OF THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN EATEN HERE BEFORE. >> I HAVE FINISHED ALREADY. >> THEN CLEAN THIS FLOOR UNTIL IT SHINES. THE RINGING OF THE BELL COMMANDS YOU. >> [ GASPS ] YES, AUNTIE WHISPERS. >> YOU KNOW I DO THIS FOR YOU, CHILD. KEEPING YOU BUSY IS THE ONLY WAY TO KEEP EVIL SPIRITS FROM DRIVING YOU TO WICKEDNESS. >> DO NOT WORRY, AUNTIE WHISPERS. THE WORK SHALL KEEP ME BUSY. [ COUGHS ] >> GOOD NIGHT, MY DEAR. AND DOWSE THAT FIRE. I DID NOT ASK YOU TO LIGHT IT. [ SNORING ] >> COME OUT, MY TURTLES. SHE SLEEPS. >> [ GRUNTS ] >> YOU SURE? >> AYE. [ COUGHS ] >> UH, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU'VE BEEN COUGHING A LOT. >> [ COUGHS ] IT'S MY ILLNESS. IT'S THE REASON AUNTIE WHISPERS IS SO HARD ON ME. >> GOSH! THAT LADY IS SO BAD. YOU SHOULD GO SEE A DOCTOR. >> AUNTIE DOES NOT ALLOW VISITORS HERE. SHE BELIEVES OUTSIDERS WILL LEAD ME TO BECOME WICKED. >> YEAH. SEE? THAT'S SUPERWEIRD. I DON'T MEAN TO INSULT YOUR FAMILY, BUT -- >> OH, SHE'S NOT MY REAL AUNT. >> OH, MY GOSH. SEE?! >> HEY, WHERE'D DR. CUCUMBER GO? [ FROG CROAKS ] HEY, I'M GONNA GET YOU! >> SO, YOU GOT TO KEEP SWEEPING TILL YOU'RE DONE? >> MM-HMM. THE WORK NEVER ENDS. BY THE TIME THIS TASK IS COMPLETE, SHE WILL RETURN AND ORDER ME TO A NEW TASK, AND SO IT GOES. >> IF I HELP AND WE GET THE WORK DONE FAST, MAYBE YOU CAN... >> ESCAPE? WITH YOU? >> YEAH. >> CAN WE ESCAPE WITH YOU, TOO? [ FROG CROAKS ] >> GREG... >> HMM. YES. PERHAPS THIS -- THIS TIME IT COULD BE DIFFERENT. HERE. [ GASPS ] [ COUGHS ] >> UH, I'LL TAKE THAT SIDE. >> MM, SOMETHING WEIRD IS GOING ON. [ FROG CROAKS ] WHERE ARE YOU GOING? >> HERE WE ARE >> TWO OF US, LIKE SHIPS >> LIKE SHIPS >> Both: UPON A WINDING RIVER >> AND YET >> AND YET >> Both: SOMEHOW WE FOUND EACH OTHER LIKE STRANGERS, YOU AND I >> HEY! YOU CAN RUN AND YOU CAN HIDE! PAGING DR. CUCUMBER! YOU'RE NEEDED IN THE OPERATING RO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OM! [ FROG CROAKS ] >> WELL, LOOKS PRETTY GOOD. I THINK WE'RE DONE. >> AAAAH! >> WHY HAVE YOU COME HERE? >> OOPS! >> YOU SHAN'T REMAIN ALIVE FOR LONG IN THIS HOUSE. >> AAAH! >> I'M WARNING YOU, CHILDREN -- KEEP AWAY FROM MY LORNA, OR YOU SHALL BE HASTILY GOBBLED UP! >> WE -- WE DON'T WANT NO TROUBLE, LADY. LET'S JUST TALK IT OUT. I'M WIRT. >> LORNA, COME HERE. >> UH...UH... >> THE RINGING OF THE BELL COMMAN-- UH, WHERE -- DID I PUT THE BELL ON MY NIGHTSTAND? >> FOLLOW ME. >> NOOOOOOOOOOOO! COME OUT BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE. UNLOCK THIS DOOR. SHE WILL DEVOUR YOU. >> WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT? >> [ HISSES ] >> Both: AAH! >> MORE BONES TO SORT. >> Both: NO! >> I TOLD YOU BOYS TO STAY AWAY FROM HER, BUT NOW YOU'VE GONE AND MADE HER WICKED AGAIN. >> OH-HO! FOR SOME REASON, I THOUGHT THAT OLD LADY WAS THE PEOPLE-EATER, BUT IT WAS LORNA ALL ALONG. IT JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU STUFF. NOW I HAVE A PLAN THAT'LL -- UGH! >> [ GRUNTS ] >> [ GRUNTS ] HA HA! YOUR PLAN WAS BETTER. >> I'M SORRY, MY TURTLES... >> [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] >> ...BUT I MUST FEED! [ BOTH GRUNTING ] >> GREG! >> LET'S TRY MY PLAN NOW. >> [ MOANS ] >> THE RINGING OF THE BELL COMMANDS YOU. [ BELL RINGING ] >> WHAT THE -- >> OH. HE ATE THE WITCH'S MAGIC BELL WHEN WE WERE -- >> FINE! DO SOMETHING. >> OH. I COMMAND YOU TO... >> THE SPIRIT COMPELS ME. >> ...TRANSFORM INTO A MAGICAL TIGER. >> THE RINGING -- THE RINGING OF THE BELL COMMANDS YOU! STOP MAKING LORNA DO BAD STUFF, SPIRIT! >> [ ROARS ] >> AND ALSO GO AWAY AND DON'T COME BACK. >> [ ROARS ] [ ZAP ] [ THUD ] >> LORNA! LORNA! >> WIRT, LOOK! >> [ MOANING ] [ ZAP ] >> LORNA! >> WIRT, YOU SAVED ME. >> LORNA? LORNA? OH, MY LORNA. >> AUNTIE WHISPERS! >> I THOUGHT THEY'D STOLEN YOU AWAY. >> NO, AUNTIE. THEY SAVED ME. THEY BANISHED THE EVIL SPIRIT WITH THE POWER OF THE BELL! >> YOU CAN HAVE IT BACK AFTER GREG JR. GOES TO THE BATHROOM. >> OH, LORNA [SNIFFS] THAT'S WONDERFUL, DEAR. >> AUNTIE WHISPERS, WHAT'S WRONG? >> WELL, NOW THAT YOU'RE CURED, YOU WON'T BE NEEDING OLD AUNTIE WHISPERS ANY MORE TO LOOK AFTER YOU. >> OH, AUNTIE, NO. >> OHH. >> I WOULD NEVER LEAVE YOU. YOU ARE MY FAMILY. >> AH. OHH. >> THANK YOU SO MUCH, WIRT. >> AND A BIT OF ADVICE -- BEWARE OF MY SISTER, ADELAIDE. SHE LIVES IN THE PASTURE. SHE MUST NOT BE TRUSTED. >> PERHAPS I'LL SEE YOU AGAIN SOMEDAY. I HOPE SO. >> SMELL YOU LATER. >> WOW, WIRT! YOU SAVED THE DAY TWICE TODAY! >> YEAH, I GUESS. BUT SO WHAT? WE'RE STILL NOT ANY CLOSER TO GETTING HOME. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING OUT HERE ANYMORE. I DON'T KNOW IF WE'LL EVER GET BACK HOME. >> SURE, WE WILL! WHAT CAN STOP US? YOU GOT A PLAN, REMEMBER? >> I LIED. >> AW, COME ON. LET'S GO, CAPTAIN! LEAD THE WAY! YOU CAN DO IT! >> [ SIGHS ] >> YES. YES. ALL HOPE WILL SOON BE LOST. WE'RE LUCKY THE BOY HAD THE PLUCK TO BEST YOU. YOUR PLAY COULD HAVE COST US BOTH. DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT KEEPING THE LANTERN LIT? DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER'S SOUL? >> ONE CANNOT TRADE THE SOULS OF CHILDREN AS IF THEY WERE TOKENS! THERE HAS TO BE ANOTHER WAY. >> NO. THERE IS ONLY ME. THERE IS ONLY MY WAY. THERE IS ONLY THE FOREST, AND THERE IS ONLY SURRENDER.

Chapter 8: Babes in the Woods

[ WIND RUSHING, PASTORAL MUSIC PLAYING ] [ FROGS CROAKING ] >> HOME! HOME? HOME! HOME! HOME? COULD BE AROUND ANY CORNER. >> TRA-LA-LA-LA TRA-LA-LA-LA >> [ GASPS ] HEY, CAPTAIN, DO YOU HEAR THAT SINGING? >> [ CROAKS ] >> NOT YOU, SKIPPER. I'M TALKING TO THE CAPTAIN. >> [ CROAKS ] >> CAPTAIN WIRT, DO YOU KNOW WHO'S SINGING? >> I DON'T KNOW MUCH OF ANYTHING ANYMORE. >> OH. DID YOU KNOW THAT DINOSAURS HAD BIG EARS BUT EVERYONE FORGOT 'CAUSE DINOSAUR EARS DON'T HAVE BONES? >> NO. I -- I DIDN'T KNOW THAT, GREG. >> THAT'S 'CAUSE IT'S NOT TRUE. IT'S A ROCK FACT! >> TRA-LA-LA-LA >> THE BEAST. IT MUST BE THE BEAST OUT THERE. THE OBSIDIAN CRICKET OF OUR INEVITABLE TWILIGHT SINGING OUR REQUIEM. >> HMM. YEAH! MUST BE A REALLY FAT CRICKET. [ THUDS ] >> [ GASPS ] [ BUGLE PLAYS ] LOOK! WE'VE REACHED LAND! FEEL THE DIRT! AHH. SMELL THAT TREE. WE MUST BE ALMOST THERE. >> GREG? >> YES, WIRT? >> CAN WE PLEASE STOP PRETENDING WE'RE GONNA GET HOME? >> HUH? >> CAN WE ADMIT WE'RE LOST FOR GOOD? THAT THIS FOG IS DEEPER THAN WE CAN EVER UNDERSTAND? THAT WE ARE BUT WAYWARD LEAVES, SCATTERED TO THE AIR BY AN INDIFFERENT WIND? CAN WE JUST ADMIT WE'RE NEVER GONNA GET BACK HOME, GREG? CAN WE DO THAT? >> WIRT, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING IF YOU SET YOUR MIND TO IT. THAT'S WHAT THE OLD PEOPLE SAY. >> WELL, THEN LET'S DO THAT. >> YES, SIR, CAPTAIN! [ BUGLE PLAYS ] >> GREG! YOU NEED TO STOP ACTING RIDICULOUS ALL THE TIME. >> HUH? >> LOOK, DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHY WE GOT LOST IN THE FIRST PLACE? IT'S 'CAUSE YOU WERE GOOFING AROUND AND GETTING INTO TROUBLE LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO. >> REALLY? IT WAS ALL MY FAULT? >> YEAH, SO...IT'S NOT MY JOB TO GET US HOME, OKAY? I'M DONE. >> ARE YOU SAYING I SHOULD BE THE LEADER? >> I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO. >> BUT IF I'M THE LEADER... WHAT ARE YOU GONNA BE? >> I'LL BE ASLEEP. >> WOW. WELL, THEN I BETTER TAKE A NAP, TOO. I NEED TO DREAM UP A GOOD WAY OF LEADING US HOME. THANKS FOR TRUSTING ME, WIRT. DON'T WORRY. I WON'T LET YOU DOWN. I'LL BE A GOOD LEADER. GOOD NIGHT. [ BREATHES DEEPLY ] STAR, OH, STAR, UP IN THE SKY, GUIDE MY DREAMS WITH LIGHT THAT SHINES. HELP ME KNOW JUST WHAT TO DO TO GET WIRT HOME AND ALSO ME, TOO. AND IF YOU DON'T, I DON'T CARE. I'LL PULL DOWN YOUR UNDERWEAR. [ SOFT MUSIC PLAYS ] >> FORWARD, CHERUBS HEAR THE SONG A CHILD'S WISHES CALL US ON DESCEND! DESCEND! >> Psst! HEY! >> [ GROANS ] HUH? WHOA! >> THE DREAMS OUR WINGED WIND HATH MADE FOR ONLY BENEATH THE VEIL >> [ GASPS ] WHOA. OF SLEEP >> WHOOOOOA! WHOA! WHOA! WOW! >> HEY, GREG! >> [ GASPS ] >> NICE TO SEE YOU! >> HEY, EVERYBODY! >> All: WELCOME TO CLOUD CITY! >> THANK YOU! THANK YOU! MY NAME'S GREG. WHAT ARE YOURS? >> WE'RE THE CLOUD CITY RECEPTION COMMITTEE AND WE ARE HERE TO WELCOME THEE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> OH, WOW, NEAT. >> AND WE'RE THE CLOUD CITY AUXILIARY RECEPTION COMMITTEE AND WE ARE ALSO HERE TO WELCOME THEE >> THANK YOU. >> AND WE'RE THE HIPPOPOTAMUS GIRAFFE, AND MONKEY AND WE ARE COMMITTEE NUMBER THREE >> OKAY. ARE THERE MORE? [ SCARY MUSIC PLAYS ] [ THUNDER RUMBLES ] >> WELL, THAT'S ENOUGH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> All: SO, WHAT BRINGS YOU TO CLOUD CITY? >> WELL, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE A LEADER, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW. >> All: WHY DON'T YOU LEAD OUR BAND IN A SONG? >> OKAY. [ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ] >> EVERYTHING IS NICE AND FINE ALL THE TIME THE SOFTEST CLOUDS AND RAINBOW SKIES AIN'T GONNA LIE WE ALWAYS HAVE THE MOST SPECTACULAR TIME TOGETHER EVERYONE IS SITTIN' PRETTY ON TOP OF THE WEATHER LASSO A CLOUD AND MAKE THE FLOWERS GROW TIE THEM IN A BOW TO THROW AT THE END OF THE SHOW OUR SONGS ARE FILLED WITH LOVE THE SWEETEST LOVE AND WE CAN SEND THEM DOWN TO YOU WITH A LITTLE SHOVE SO HITCH A RIDE INTO THE SKY AND JOIN OUR BAND BRING HARPS AND LUTES, KAZOOS, TROMBONES AND FLUTES OR JUST YOUR POTS AND PANS WE CAN WRITE A LITTLE JIG OUT OF THE MIGHTY BLUE AND WE WILL BE HERE JUST FOR YOU >> WHEE! WHEE! [ OFF-KEY NOTE PLAYS ] >> HEE-HEE! [ NOTES PLAY ] OHH! [ THUNDER CRASHES ] >> All: OH, NOOOOO! >> THE NORTH WIND IS LOOSE! [ ALL SCREAMING ] >> OH, YEAH, THE OL' NORTH WIND STARTS TO HOWL PUFFS UP AND FURROWS HIS BROW NOW, NOW YOU BETTER TAKE COVER LOCK UP THOSE DOORS AND CLOSE THE SHUTTERS I SAY, THE OL' NORTH WIND YES, HE IS HE'S GONNA FIGHT HE'S GONNA SPIN HE'S GONNA PULL BACK AND BLOW A LITTLE MORE UNTIL YOU CAN'T TELL WHAT YOU CAME HERE FOR OH, YEAH >> FIRE! >> THE OL' NORTH WIND YES, INDEED HE'S GONNA BREATHE AND BREATHE HE'S GONNA BLOW [ THUNDER CRASHES ] BLOW TILL YOU CAN'T FEEL NO MORE >> WIRT? GREG? IS ANYONE OUT THERE? [ THUNDER CRASHES ] AAH! [ SHUDDERING ] >> [ LAUGHING EVILLY ] [ THUNDER CRASHES ] [ ALL GASP ] [ WIND HOWLING ] [ LAUGHING ] >> HEY, NORTH WIND! PBHT! >> [ GRUMBLES ] I DON'T LIKE THAT ONE BIT. THAT MAKES ME MAD! >> [ GASPS ] >> [ GRUMBLING ] >> OH, NO! [ CRASHING, THUDDING ] [ ALL MURMURING ] [ DOOR CREAKS ] >> HA HA! HEE HEE HEE HEE! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] HUH? >> WHY, HELLO, GREGORY. >> HELLO. >> I AM THE QUEEN OF THE CLOUDS. THANK YOU FOR SAVING MY CITY. >> YOU'RE WELCOME. >> I SHALL GRANT YOU ONE WISH. WHAT DO YOU WISH FOR MOST OF ALL? >> WELL, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE LEADER, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET HOME. DO YOU KNOW? >> OF COURSE. IF YOU WISH, I CAN CERTAINLY SEND YOU HOME. >> GREAT! LET'S GO GET WIRT. >> I'M SORRY, GREGORY, BUT WIRT CANNOT GO WITH YOU. HE IS TOO LOST. >> [ GASPS ] BUT...ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE IF YOU SET YOUR MIND TO IT, RIGHT? >> SEE HOW THE EDELWOOD GROWS AROUND HIM? THE BEAST HAS CLAIMED HIM ALREADY. >> OH, I SHOULD HAVE BEEN LEADING BETTER. I WAS GOOFING OFF AGAIN, LIKE ALWAYS, AND NOW YOU'RE STUCK HERE. ISN'T THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO? >> I'M SORRY, GREGORY. WIRT'S FATE LIES SOLELY IN THE BEAST'S HANDS NOW. >> THEN I KNOW WHAT TO WISH FOR. [ WHISPERING ] >> [ GASPS ] ARE YOU SURE? THEN IT SHALL BE DONE. [ TING! ] >> HEY. HEY, WIRT? >> Shh! TRYING TO SLEEP. >> OKAY. YOU SLEEP. I'M SORRY I GOT US LOST, WIRT. WILL YOU TAKE CARE OF RONALD FOR ME? OKAY. I HAVE TO GO NOW. GOODBYE, WIRT. >> YES. COME, GREGORY. THERE IS MUCH TO BE DONE. >> AND THEN YOU'LL SHOW US THE WAY HOME, RIGHT? >> OF COURSE. WE MADE A PROMISE, DIDN'T WE? >> GREG. GREG? GREG? GREG?! WHERE DID HE GO? >> TRA-LA-LA-LA >> NO. NO, NO, NO, NO! GREG?! [ GRUNTING ] WHAT THE HECK? >> TRA-LA-LA-LA TRA-LA-LA-LA 'TISN'T MUCH THAT I REQUIRE >> GREG?! GREG... WHAT DID I DO? GREG! GREG! AAH! UNH! [ GROANS ] >> [ SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ] [ GASPS ] HUH? GREG. OOF! AAH! [ GROANING ] >> OH! YOU GOT HIM! PULL! PULL! IS HE ALIVE? WIRT! >> WIRT! WIRT? >> GR...EG...? >> WIRT, ARE YOU OKAY? WIRT! >> GR...EG? I-I-I -- >> WHERE'S GREG, WIRT? >> BEATRICE? [ SHUDDERED BREATHING ] >> WIRT. WIRT! [ WIND HOWLING ]

Chapter 9: Into the Unknown

[ WIND RUSHING, PASTORAL MUSIC PLAYING ] >> THE ANGELS HAVE GONE THE SONGS HAVE GONE SILENT YOU'RE SINKING LIKE A STONE BEFORE THE TIDE THE RIVER RUNS CO-O-LD THE FIGHT IS OVER STILL THE HAUNTED RUINS OF NIGHT CALL YOUR NAME >> [ GASPS ] >> [ INHALES DEEPLY, SQUEALS ] [ GUITAR SOLO, VOCALIZING ] >> MM-HMM. [ GASPS ] YES. [ WIND RUSHING ] YES. [ GUITAR SOLO, VOCALIZING

THANK YOU, OLD LADY DANIELS. >> GOODBYE, GREGORY. AND PLEASE DON'T CALL ME OLD LADY. >> YES, SIR, YOUNG MAN. HEY, WIRT, WHATCHA DOING? >> NOTHING. >> I WAS HELPING OLD LADY DANIELS RAKE SOME LEAVES IN EXCHANGE FOR CANDY. >> GREG, IT'S HALLOWEEN. CANDY IS FREE. >> OLD LADY DANIELS SAYS NOTHING IN THIS WORLD IS FREE. OH, HEY, AND LOOK! I ALSO GOT THIS ROCK. [ Deep voice ] HEY, WIRT, WANT TO LEARN SOME ROCK FACTS? [ Normal voice ] SO, YOU WANT TO GO LOOK FOR FROGS WITH ME LIKE YOU SAID YOU WOULD AWHILE AGO AND HAVEN'T DONE IT YET? >> NAH. NAH, I'M BUSY. >> IS THAT BEE NAMED SARA? >> W-WHAT? >> YOUR TAPE SAYS "FOR SARA." ARE YOU GONNA GIVE IT TO SARA THE BEE? >> I-I WANT TO, BUT [SIGHS] I CAN'T. >> CAN I SEE IT? >> YEAH. IT'S JUST A TAPE. >> HMM. YEAH. OKAY, I'LL GIVE IT TO HER FOR YOU. >> OH, GREG! W-WAIT! NO, NO! >> [ Sweetly ] OH, LOOK AT YOU. WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE? >> IT'S AN ELEPHANT COSTUME. [ TRUMPETING ] PBHT! SEE MY TRUNK? >> [ Flatly ] YEAH, THAT'S CUTE. >> I'M AN EGG. >> YEAH, EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU'RE AN EGG, RHONDI. >> SHUT IT, KATHLEEN. >> WHATEVER. [ Sweetly ] SO, WHAT ARE YOU, WIRT? SOME KIND OF GNOME? >> UH, I D-- I DON'T KNOW. WELL, IT'S -- SEE, I WAS -- I THOUGHT I'D JUST, LIKE -- >> HEY, WHAT'S THIS? >> THAT'S WIRT'S TAPE FOR SARA. >> [ Mockingly ] OOH! WIRT LOVES SARA! YOU WANT US TO GIVE IT TO HER FOR YOU? >> UH, IT'S FOR A DIFFERENT SARA -- NOT THE ONE YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT. >> YEAH, WIRT'S TALKING ABOUT MASCOT SARA -- THE ONE HE'S BEEN LOOKING AT ALL NIGHT. >> WHA?! >> [ Singsong voice ] OOH! >> [ LAUGHS ] >> WIRT'S GOT A CRUSH ON SARA. [ Normal voice ] WELL, YOU BETTER ACT FAST 'CAUSE WE HEARD JASON FUNDERBERKER IS GONNA ASK HER OUT AT THE HALLOWEEN PARTY TONIGHT. >> JASON FUNDERBERKER? >> Together: YEAH. >> YEAH. >> [ STAMMERING ] >> YOU OKAY, WIRT? >> YEAH, EVERYTHING'S -- EVERYTHING'S JASON FUNDERBERKER. >> Both: WHAT? >> UH, UH, JASON FUNDERBERKER, I-I GOT TO GO. >> BYE! [ ALTERNATIVE ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ] >> IS THE DOVE NEVER TO MEET THE SEA FOR WANT OF THE ODIOUS MOUNTAIN? >> HEY. SO...FROG HUNT? >> HUH? >> I KEEP HEARING RIBBITING AROUND TOWN, AND I THINK IT'S THE LAST FROG OF THE SEASON. >> NO, I JUST WANT TO WALLOW IN MISERY. SARA AND JASON FUNDERBERKER. UGH. THAT GUY'S GOT HIS ACT TOGETHER. HE'S THE TOTAL PACKAGE. I CAN'T COMPETE. >> YOU'RE THE TOTAL PACKAGE, TOO, WIRT. I BET SHE'LL REALLY LIKE YOUR TAPE. >> [ GASPS ] WE NEVER GOT THE TAPE BACK! I CAN'T LET HER HEAR THAT TAPE! >> WHY NOT? >> THAT TAPE HAS GOT POETRY AND CLARINET ON IT, GREG. POETRY AND CLARINET! SARA AND JASON FUNDERBERKER ARE GONNA START DATING, AND THEN THEY'LL HEAR THAT TAPE, AND THEN THEY'LL JUST SIT AND LISTEN TO IT AND LAUGH AND LAUGH AND LAUGH AND LAUGH. >> WHY DON'T YOU ASK SARA OUT FIRST? THAT WAY -- >> NO, NO! UGH! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE TAPE? MY LIFE IS CRUMBLING ALL AROUND ME! >> OKAY, I THINK WE SHOULD PUT OUR FROG HUNT ON HOLD AND GO GET THAT TAPE BACK. >> GUYS, WHERE'S THE TAPE? >> WE PUT IT IN SARA'S JACKET FOR YOU. >> AAH! >> YOU BETTER HURRY. SHE'S CHANGING IN THE TRACK SHACK. [ LAUGHS ] >> SCUSE ME. >> OH, NO. >> THE JACKET! [ PANTING ] >> HEY! ARE YOU TRYING TO SPY ON SARA? >> UH...NO. RUN, GREG! >> HEY, SARA, BE CAREFUL, HUH? THERE'S SOME REAL CREEPS OUT THERE TONIGHT. >> THANKS, JIMMY. [ FILM NOIR MUSIC PLAYS ] >> HEY, YOU TWO ROBBERS, YOU'RE UNDER ARREST. NAH, I'M JUST KIDDING. HAPPY HALLOWEEN. HEY, STOP RUNNING IN THE STREETS! >> THERE SHE GOES. LET'S GET HER. >> NO, W-WE'RE NOT GONNA GET HER >> NO, W-WE'RE NOT GONNA GET HER LIKE THAT. >> WHAT ARE WE DOING? >> WE'RE JUST GONNA GET THE TAPE BACK. >> OH, YEAH. LET'S GO IN AFTER HER. >> [ SIGHS ] I CAN'T. [ ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS ] I WASN'T INVITED TO THIS PARTY. >> I'LL GO IN. >> YOU WEREN'T INVITED EITHER. >> OH. >> YEAH, MAN, THERE'S LOTS OF BAT-AND-BALL GAMES BESIDES BASEBALL -- ONE OLD CAT, TWO OLD CAT, STOOLBALL, ROUNDBALL... [ MUSIC CONTINUES, INDISTINCT CHATTER ] >> WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO THEM? [ SILENCE ] AAH! OH. HEY...GUYS. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE SAID, BUT I-IT WASN'T TRUE. >> OH, HEY, WIRT. HOW'S IT GOING? >> HI, WIRT. >> OH. UH, YEAH. WELL, SEE YOU AROUND, GUYS. >> I USED TO BE REALLY GOOD AT BALLET, BUT MY MOM WANTED ME TO BE A WRESTLER. OH, WIRT. YOU'RE HERE. >> WELL, I... >> I WAS JUST ASKING IF YOU WERE HERE. >> OH, WOW. [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ] >> OH, HEY, WE'RE GONNA GO TO THE GRAVEYARD. >> OH. ARE YOU GONNA...DO SOMETHING THERE? >> NAH, WE'RE JUST GONNA HANG OUT AND DRINK AGE-APPROPRIATE DRINKS. >> LIKE JUICE? >> YEAH, WHATEVER. AGE-APPROPRIATE STUFF THAT'S NOT ILLEGAL. Hey, you should come. >> UH, I DON'T -- >> [ Nasally ] HEY, SARA. ARE YOU READY TO GO? >> HEY, JASON FUNDERBERKER. >> OH, HEY, WIRT. LET'S GO, SARA. >> YOU COMING, WIRT? >> NO, NO. YOU -- YOU GO HAVE FUN WITH JASON FUNDERBERKER. >> OKAY. [ Suggestively ] BUT IF YOU WANT TO STOP BYE LATER OR SOMETHING... >> MM. BYE, WIRT. >> SAYONARA, JASON FUNDERBERKER. [ GASPS ] SARA'S JACKET! >> MY JACKET. THANKS, WIRT. WELL, SEE YA -- HOPEFULLY. >> BYE. [ GROANS ] >> YOU'RE LIMITING THE UNIVERSE TO ONLY THINGS HUMANS COULD UNDERSTAND. >> WELL, YOU'RE LIMITING THE UNIVERSE BY LIMITING THE POSSIBILITY OF HUMAN UNDERSTANDING. >> OH, YEAH. MAYBE. >> SARA. >> YEAH? >> DO YOU BELIEVE IN...GHOSTS? >> WHY? >> 'CAUSE THERE'S ONE RIGHT BEHIND YOU! AW, I'M JUST KIDDING. >> It's okay, Funderberker. [ LAUGHTER ] >> STOP! YOU HIT ME! >> COME ON. [ MONSTROUS CROAK ] >> [ GASPS ] WIRT, YOU TRICKED ME! I DIDN'T KNOW THIS WAS A FROG HUNT ALL ALONG. >> IT NEVER WAS A -- >> [ GASPS ] >> [ GASPS ] >> A WITCHES GATHERING! >> AND SO THEN... A GUY WITH AN AXE SHOWED UP! [ LAUGHTER ] >> UGH. EVERYBODY LOVES FUNDERBERKER. WHAT DO I DO? >> I'LL PRETEND TO BE A DEAD ELEPHANT AND DISTRACT THEM WHILE YOU GET THE TAPE. >> PLEASE JUST STAY HERE. >> AND SO SHE KEPT GETTING AND CLOSER... [ LAUGHTER ] >> WHAT ARE YOU DOING? >> JASON. >> OH, JASON. >> [ GROWLS ] GO, GREG. DO IT. >> OKAY. [ LAUGHTER ] >> UH...YOU CAN LET GO OF MY HAND NOW. >> OH...YEAH. >> [ Nasally ] YOU COULD HOLD MY HAND, FUNDERBERKER. I DON'T CARE. >> [ HOWLING ] >> HEY, ISN'T THAT WIRT'S LITTLE BROTHER? >> NOOOOO. I'M THE HEADLESS ELEPHANT. [ TRUMPETING ] [ LAUGHTER ] >> LITTLE GUY. >> IS WIRT HERE, TOO? >> OVER THERE! >> [ GASPS ] >> THERE HE IS. [ LAUGHTER ] >> WIRT, WE CAN SEE YOU, MAN. >> [ SIGHS ] GREG. >> WHAT ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE? >> OH. HEY, GUYS. GREG! THERE YOU ARE. TOTALLY WASN'T SPYING ON ANYBODY. I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR -- [ SIREN WAILS ] >> WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? >> HUH? >> IS THIS SOME KIND OF WITCHES' GATHERING? YOU'RE ALL UNDER ARREST. >> RUN! >> HEY, HEY! I WAS JUST KIDDING. [ UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ] SLOW DOWN, KIDS. YOU'RE GONNA TRIP OR SOMETHING. >> RUN, RUN, RUN! RUN, RUN, RUN! >> WHERE DO WE GO? >> THAT WAY! >> GREG! WHY DID YOU SAY THIS WAY? >> I THOUGHT I HEARD A FROG. [ SIREN WAILS ] >> [ GASPS ] >> THIS IS PRIVATE PROPERTY. >> UH... >> HEY, DON'T CLIMB UP THERE. THAT'S DANGEROUS! GET DOWN HERE BEFORE YOU HURT YOURSELF! >> HUH? >> IT HAS MY NAME ON IT. >> [ GASPS ] >> LET'S GO LISTEN TO IT. [ LAUGHS ] >> Noooooooooooo! >> KIDS, REALLY, GET DOWN FROM THAT WALL. >> THAT'S IT. THAT'S THE END. >> NO, DARN IT. NO. I MEAN COME DOWN THIS WAY. [ BOTH GRUNT ] >> [ GROANS ] ONCE AGAIN, YOU RUIN MY LIFE. [ MUSIC ENDS ] >> WHO? ME? >> UGH! YOU AND YOUR STUPID DAD! YOU'RE ALWAYS PRODDING ME, TRYING TO GET ME TO JOIN MARCHING BAND. >> OH, YEAH! IF YOU JOIN THE MARCHING BAND, YOU COULD HANG OUT WITH SARA MORE! >> THAT SHIP HAS SAILED, GREG, THANKS TO YOU MESSING THAT UP, TOO. [ MONSTROUS CROAK ] >> [ GASPS ] HOLD THAT THOUGHT, WIRT. MM. >> WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW? >> HA HA! WE FOUND OUR LUCKY FROG. WE GOT TO NAME HIM FOR GOOD LUCK. >> [ CROAKS ] >> I DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOUR OR THAT FROG! >> OKAY, I'LL TRY TO THINK OF A NAME MYSELF. [ TRAIN APPROACHING ] >> UGH. I'M LEAVING. >> HMM? >> HUH? [ TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING ] >> AAH! [ FOLK MUSIC PLAYS ] >> THERE'S AN OLD BLACK TRAIN A-COMIN' SCRAPING 'LONG THE IRON YOU DON'T NEED NO TICKET, BOY IT'LL TAKE YOU IN IT'S TIME >> [ HUMMING PLEASANTLY ] [ WIND RUSHING ] >> HUH? WHERE... HUH? >> OH. YOU'RE AWAKE. HERE, EAT SOME DIRT. >> [ SPITS ] UH, BEATRICE? >> YOU KNOW MY DAUGHTER! [ GASPS ] WHERE IS SHE? >> I DON'T KNOW. >> [ CROAKS ] >> SOMEBODY LEFT YOU AND THAT FROG ON THE DOORSTEP. >> BEATRICE. BUT HAVE YOU SEEN MY BROTHER? >> NO, I'M SORRY. >> UH, I GOTTA GO! >> YOU'RE IN NO SHAPE TO HEAD INTO THAT SNOWSTORM, YOUNG MAN. HERE, HERE, EAT MORE DIRT. >> THANKS. COME ON, GUY. LET'S GO FIND GREG. >> AT LEAST WAIT UNTIL THE STORM DIES DOWN A BIT. YOU'LL BE NO GOOD TO YOUR BROTHER DEAD. >> I WAS NEVER ANY GOOD TO HIM ALIVE, EITHER. THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH. [ SOFT MUSIC PLAYS ] >> IF YOU SEE BEATRICE AGAIN, GIVE HER A HUG FOR US. >> YEAH. [ MYSTERIOUS CLASSICAL PIANO PLAYS ]

Chapter 10:The Unknown