''I am very much at ease'': Aina Ranke on the day before she took Nembutal, known as the ''peaceful pill''. Due to the severe penalties for anyone to aid a suicide, or even be in the same room, it was a journey she would have to take alone. Under the NSW Crimes Act: ''A person who aids or abets the suicide or attempted suicide of another person shall be liable to imprisonment for 10 years.'' Ms Ranke illegally obtained the lethal barbiturate Nembutal, known as the ''peaceful pill'', from overseas. How she did this she wouldn't say. Nembutal is listed as a border-controlled drug by Customs, and importing it can result in up to 25 years jail for a commercial quantity and fines of up to $825,000. ''I have lived an exciting life and I am very happy to have experienced all that I have during this earthly existence,'' she said. ''I just know it's getting worse and worse and worse. I am not prepared to live like this any more. I was an active person. I could sing, I could whistle, I loved music … I just don't want to go on. I am losing dignity day by day. I have to depend on others for nearly everything.'' Three years ago she contracted a degenerative and debilitating neuromuscular condition which was slowly robbing her of the ability to speak or swallow and rendered every single step unbearable agony. There is no cure.

Before this Ms Ranke led an active life. She was a lifesaver, loved bushwalking, gardening and cooking. She worked as an accountant in the Tax Office for 18 years and later set up a financial management system for the Aboriginal Health Service in Coffs Harbour. Twice Ms Ranke stood for the federal seat of Paterson for the Greens and once for the state seat of Maitland. But the pain had become intolerable and with no family to take care of her, Ms Ranke did not want to end her life in a nursing home nor did she want to be a burden to her friends. With a laugh, she was quick to say if anyone was to think she was giving up too soon, then "walk a mile in my shoes". What kind of thoughts go through your head when you think, this is my last night on earth? "I'm happy! I am very much at ease," she said, struggling to speak. "I won't see my little bird again," she said referring to her lorikeet known as P.C. [Precious Cargo]. Nor would she see the Rabbitohs win the grand final. With that possibility only days away could she not wait? Ms Ranke said there was only a small window of opportunity to take the Nembutal as swallowing was becoming near impossible and she was losing the dexterity in her hands. I have taken my own life because I have always been an independent person and in control of my life ... I wanted control over my end of life decision, the same as I had control over the decisions I made during my adult life.

"Tomorrow I have a Home Care lady who I adore. She is a beautiful young woman. She comes to clean and hang out my washing. And then she comes back a few hours later to bring the washing in. So what I plan is for it to be nice and quick and I will time the taking of it [the Nembutal]. "I will ask her what time she will be back and I will take the barbiturate in enough time, so that I can be deceased when she arrives," said Ms Ranke. Does the Home Care woman know of this plan? "No, I am not telling her. I have written her a note asking her if she can forgive me for having to find me in this predicament on her shift." Earlier that last afternoon Ms Ranke had made arrangements for two members of Dying with Dignity NSW to visit her in her small flat in Ashtonfield, a suburb of Maitland, in the Hunter region. Psychologist Sarah Edelman and actor and ABC Advisory Council member Gideon Cordover made the trip. Both were upset as they drove away. "It is an awful thing to die alone," said Dr Edelman. For Mr Cordover, 24, memories came flooding back of his father's death in June 2009. Robert Cordover was a marine biologist who spoke seven languages. He was also stricken by motor neurone disease and ended his life with Nembutal. Mr Cordover was anxious for Ms Ranke.

"The fact that she was alone really kept me awake all night. It really felt unfair, unjust, that somebody who deserves such a good passing at the most vulnerable time of their life should be denied it against her will." He was also worried that something might go wrong. "The greatest risk I observed, having seen my dad, it was unsupervised ... if he threw up the medication, or if he slipped into unconsciousness but didn’t quite die." The following day Ms Ranke took the Nembutal as planned around midday. The timing was crucial as she had organised for her body to be donated to the University of New England. But her carer, who had been looking after Ms Ranke for a year, arrived early, at around 3pm, and found her unconscious but still alive. The distraught woman, in her mid-30s, called the ambulance, her husband and Ms Ranke's friend Marg. By the time Marg arrived the police and ambulance were there. She told them her friend did not want to be revived. "Unless you've got your end-of-life form stapled to your body, I don't think they take much notice," she said. Having collected her end-of-life documentation, the ambulance officers took Ms Ranke to Maitland Hospital from where she was transferred to Calvary Mater Hospital in Newcastle. On Sunday, Dr Edelman and Mr Cordover visited her and explained to one of her treating doctors that the hospital was aware of Ms Ranke's wishes not to be resuscitated.

"He [the doctor] repeatedly said that if they switched off the respirator they would be aiding her suicide and therefore breaking the law," said Dr Edelman. Dr Edelman pointed out that keeping Ms Ranke on life support was inconsistent with her wishes and her Advanced Health Care Directive (AHCD). But the AHCD document was not there and, even if it had been, the staff said it had no legal status. And because she had attempted suicide, the AHCD did not apply. "If a patient has a terminal illness and asks for no intervention during hospitalisation they would respect that request, but they are not obliged to do so in the case of an attempted suicide," said Dr Edelman of the conversation. A Calvary spokesman later said that the hospital did not not comment on specific cases. But even in the case where there is an Advance Health Care Directive in place, "there can be complex legal and ethical issues that arise in the creation and use of this directive. Whilst often presented as a simple matter of choice for the patient, there may be multiple moral and ethical decisions for healthcare staff and others who provide the actual care, for whom we believe much more support is required." On Monday morning, Ms Ranke's friend Marg arrived at the hospital to again agitate for her friend's wishes to be followed. It was agreed that a brain scan be conducted. The results, which came back early Monday afternoon, revealed Ms Ranke had no brain function, a requirement needed for her to be declared legally dead. After a discussion with Marg, her ventilator was turned off. She died 12 hours later, at 3am on Tuesday. "I have taken my own life because I have always been an independent person and in control of my life," said Ms Ranke in a statement titled: "End of Life". "No person has assisted me with achieving euthanasia and the decision to end my life is mine alone ... I wanted control over my end of life decision, the same as I had control over the decisions I made during my adult life. Aina Matilda Ranke September 2013 HOO-ROO."

"Aina Ranke was a beautiful person, a strong and inspiring woman for all the Home Care staff who worked with her," said Christine Callaghan, acting executive director for Home Care, Family and Community Services. "Her death has been extremely upsetting for our employees," she said, adding that counselling had been arranged for her carer. Loading Support is available for anyone who may be distressed by calling: Lifeline 131114 Mensline: 1300789978 Kids Helpline: 1800551800