Study: H.O.R.D.E. Tour Never Happened

New research suggests that the legendary H.O.R.D.E. tour of the 1990s did not in fact take place. After an exhaustive 14-month study, researchers from the University of Chicago have determined that the entire tour—which allegedly gathered popular jambands like Phish, Widespread Panic, Blues Traveler and The Spin Doctors together for a series of concerts from 1992 to 1998—was little more than a figment of people’s imaginations. “Despite the fact that thousands of individuals claim to have subjectively experienced the H.O.R.D.E. tour, there is absolutely no written or archaeological evidence that suggests these events ever took place,” said Dr. Stephen Weinberg. “Our best theory right now is that a large segment of youth in the early 1990s were so desperate to experience the Rock n Roll heydays of the 60s and 70s that they delved into this collective hallucination as a kind of coping mechanism. That and they thought Lollapalooza sucked.”