*We open to a large cityscape that pans out to the large formation of a colony wall. The shot continues to pan out into the vast expanse of space and then the logo hits*

*Also insert a catchy piece of licensed music for added effect, your choice.*

*We open to a bustling police station, with a slow zoom into the police captains office.*

Captain Bright Noa: “These god damned space papers saying I am some sort of immigrant. We’re all immigrants, we live in fucking space. Plus they try to make me out as British, whats with that? like what the hell, am I right?”

Detective Amuro Ray: “Uhh Sir, are you talking to me?”

Bright: “Oh shit, what are you doing in here again? Sorry, you aren’t really that important so I forgot you existed.”

Amuro: “You, umm, wanted to see me to, uhh, assign me a partner.”

*Amuro trails off*

Bright: “Ahh, yeah about that, I kinda have my hands full with this whole being British thing so let’s just pull a name from a hat.”

Amuro: “Uhh sir, I don’t think that’s proper procedure.”

Bright: “Amuro I swear to god if you fight me on this I will slap the good god right out of you!”

Amuro: “Uh sir I don’t think that’s proper either.”

Bright :”That’s it, come here!”

Amuro: “Oh no, I am sorry sir, we can do the hat thin…”

*Bright slaps the bejesus out of Amuro for being a lame bitch who thinks he’s above the time honored tradition of pulling names from a hat.*

Senior Detective Char: “Ha, you got your shit slapped.”

Amuro: “What are you doing here?”

Char: “I came here to laugh at you.”

Bright: “Ah great, Char you’re a life saver. This little shit has been non stop all morning about a new partner.”

Char: “Wait what?!”

Bright: “Really taking a bullet for me pal, this might make me forget about all those assault charges the Zabi family filled against you.”

Char: “Sir, no offense, but what the actual fuck, I hate this guy. All the offense in the universe meant to you ass hat Amuro.”

Amuro :”Now hold on just a minute here i…”

*Bright cuts Amuro off*

Bright : “Char if you don’t do this I am gonna slap you so hard you’ll end up a beat cop again working the Lubbock block.”

Char: “Not there, all that dust, all the lack of people and entertainment….. Fuck, fine I’ll take him on, but if he ends up shot don’t come whining to me.”

Amuro: “I don’t consent to this, I need an adult!”

Char: “I am an adult. Now stop being such a whiny little bitch and let’s go, unless Captain Bright needs to slap the bitch right out of you again.”

Amuro: “Oh, no I am good, let’s go.”

*We cut to Amuro and Char at their desks*

Char: “Does that green ball of stupidity have to follow you around everywhere?”

Amuro: “Well, uh, does that poopy attitude have to follow you around everywhere?”

Char: “What are you like 12? who says poopy?”

Amuro: ” I’ll have you know I’am technically 16. ”

Char: “Wow, okay.”

*A call comes in about a murder at the Lunar Ladies Landing Club.”

Char: “Whoooa, we are so on that call. Let’s go little kid.”

*Char and Amuro pull up to the Lunar Ladies Landing Club, a space strip club.*

Amuro: “Uh Char I don’t think I am allowed in there.”

Char: “Come on kid, we are here to investigate a crime, not look at the strippers. But if the opportunity arises.”

Amuro: “Char I didn’t know you swung that way.”

Char: “What?”

*Char and Amuro walk into the club to find out that its a male strip club for the Ladies to land.”

Char: “What the tits, this is not what I was thinking.”

Amuro: “Apparently it’s a chain, we had them on Earth and Side 7. Both my parents really liked spending a lot of time there. I think that contributed a lot to my childhood trauma.”

Char: “Yeah whatever, shut up.”

*Char starts to interview the bouncer.*

Char: “So let me get this straight, you, the big strong bouncer, couldn’t stop a 5′ 3″ 100 pound lady in a bear onesie?”

Bouncer: “Yes, that is correct, I thought she was a real bear.”

Char: “You thought this small lady was a literal bear?”

Bouncer: “Yes, that would be correct, a 100% genuine bear.”

Char: “Alright thanks, seriously what the fuck, we don’t even have bears here.”

Amuro: “Technically that’s incorrect, we uh, have several different types of black bears as they were originally native to Texas. ”

*At this point Char has walked off.*

*Amuro starts looking at the crime scene while internally screaming as he remembers the trauma of his mother and fathers many trips to the Lunar Ladies Landing Clubs.*

Amuro: “Haro can you analyse these blood samples and these cucumbers. There’s a buffet here but they don’t have a salad bar. I wonder where that…came…from….”

*Que kill bill siren sound with Amuro’s face as he realizes where the cucumbers came from.*

*Amuro hears a lot of flash backs of thoughts about his parents loving cucumbers and melons, but never actually remembering them eating those fruits.*

Haro: “Amuro, Amuro, the blood sample is a mixture of the deceased male stripper and the suspect. The suspects name is Frow Bo, the murder weapon was a super potent form of Space Viagra.”

Char: “Wait, did the little green Wilson just say that the male strippers was drugged and the drug blew up his junk? Why was there traces of the suspects blood?”

Haro: “Crime scene reconstruction estimates the blood shot out from the suspects nasal cavity.”

Char: “So she got a nose bleed after spiking the stripper’s drink and his wang thang literally burst from blood?”

Haro: “Correct.”

*Amuro snaps back out of his trauma induced state.*

Amuro: “Great work Haro, let’s uh, go track down our suspect.”

Char: “Finally, you don’t sound like such a little bitch.”

*Char and Amuro track down Frow Bo at another male strip joint.*

Char: “Alright, here’s the plan, we bust down, guns a blazin and bust a cap up in this bitch for being a boner blasting terrorist!”

Amuro: “Uh, Char isn’t the Captain gonna get mad if we do that? Let’s um, try to, you know, bring her in peacefully?”

Char: “Shit, you’re right, Bright will slap my shit if I get one more complaint about liberal firearms handling. Fine, we’ll do this the kindergarten, bitch boy way.”

*Char and Amuro walk in to find Frow Bo getting a lap dance from a rather well endowed gentleman.*

Amuro: “Miss Frow Bo, we are going to need you to come with us. We are detective with the Colony of Texas Space Police Force.”

Frow Bo: “That’s cute, they sent me some cop strippers as well! This one seems a little young though.”

Amuro: “Frow thats not cool, you’re only like two years older than I am. I am trying to impress my new partner.”

Frow: “Oh Amuro sweetie, thats adorable, your partner is pretty cute though, I dig older guys. Plus I wouldn’t be doing this if you have just put out.”

Char: “Whoa didn’t think I’d be making connections…. Wait no, your going down, I mean we are taking you in. WAIT, Amuro you didn’t hit that?”

Amuro: “I guess I am kinda bad at picking up on that stuff.”

Char: “Frow was he always this lame?”

Frow: “Yeah, he’s always been a huge lame loser, but I still want that a piece of that sad, lonely, emotionally scared, teen angst ridden man.”

Char: “Wow, Amuro what in the ass is wrong with you? No wonder you parents are super disappointed in you.”

Amuro : “God dammit Char, I swear to god I have years of repressed trauma that I will literally rip you a new asshole! Let’s just book this bitch and be done with it!”

Frow: “Amuro, how dare you! How dare you not do this before, it’s turning me on.”

Amuro: “Shut it Frow Hoe, let’s go!”

*Amuro and Char book Frow Bo for accidental penial explosion, all the while Frow Bo keeps talking about how much she likes the handcuffs.*

Captain Bright: “Char and Amuro, my office, now!”

Char: “Shit.”

Captain Bright: “You did well, but I am still gonna slap the shit out of both of you!”

Char & Amuro: “Why?”

Bright: “Because I am the Captain and it’s my god given right! Plus you brought that crazy harlot into my building, my dick is now at risk and I am not comfortable with that.”

*Loud, hard Bright slaps occur.*

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