What I’m thinking about

I’m just exhausted and really tired of all the anger in the world, including the one that stems from myself. So I’ve tried to change that, at least.



Music wise, I’ve been on a hard break trying to figure out how and why I want to do it, and I’m still not there emotionally. Sometimes I literally get anxiety from opening up Ableton so I still have some work to do on myself.

As for the political thing that supposedly clashed, it’s not there anymore, at least not for me. I don’t have the energy to care about it any longer.

There was actually a time around a year ago where I considered going to univeristy to study political science, since I was very much into the whole debating thing (just because I truly disliked what I saw as blind hate), but I’ve realised that it’s just a rabbit hole of anger that would just eventually consume me. So I’ve went through a big shift there. I realised that there is no point in arguing when people have spent years making up their minds. I also eventually realised that all you can do is to be the change that you want to see in the world, and I know that it sounds fucking corny, but trying to convince someone that they are wrong by constantly trying to be a smartass is just pathetic. It’s all strawman arguments, it’s all whataboutism. I was a part of that.

Instead of arguing about why I think a liberal society is a better society, I might aswell just act on my “ideology” by not being overly involved in what other people think and do, instead of verbally doing the literal opposite.

I don’t care if you’re a conservative or a communist or a liberal anymore, since it’s almost fundamentally irrelevant 99% of the time when you are with a person. Imagine trashing relationships over that.

My best and oldest friend (which is also my cousin) is literally a marxist. Same goes for many other cousins of mine, even though their worldview (far-left) is fundamentally different from mine (liberalism). This really clicked with me when he first told me about it.

He’d been having those opinions for more than three years, and during that time (without me knowing about his opinions) my relationship with him got even more meaningful in so many ways. It was definitive proof that things like that shouldn’t have any effect on the realtionships in my life. This is something I hadn’t learned yet when I wasted energy being angry at Woesum, Lean etc. That period of my life also infected my love for music which too has been a huge loss for me.

I probably subconciously believed that certain people hated me for my thoughts, so over time I just got overly defensive without even knowing it. I also didn’t want anyone to think I had opinions that I don’t have in any way, so I just got even more black and white in the way I expressed myself. It wasn’t a conversation anymore, it was just a constant battle of “proving” that I’m “right” when it really doesn’t matter.

Now I just want to get back into music and other creative things, and get all the dumb stuff out of the air.

Big love xx