DEMING, IN—Glancing in the mirror while clipping a measuring tape to his belt, area dad Roger Hobak reportedly got all gussied up Wednesday before making the 14-mile trip to his local Lowe’s Home Improvement store. According to household sources, Hobak slipped into his best flannel shirt and weathered blue jeans, laced up his leather steel-toe work boots extra tight, and checked to make sure that his Carhartt jacket was free of any visible hairs from the family dog. Dressed to the nines in his fanciest workwear, the 56-year-old reportedly then shaved, trimmed his nose hairs, and dabbed a touch of Aqua Velva on his cheeks in preparation for his appearance at the superstore’s hardware, flooring, and kitchen cabinetry departments. At press time, sources confirmed that Hobak had quickly ducked back into the bathroom to touch up the powdered sugar stain on his collar.

Advertisement