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Military Strategy: What are the optimal siege tactics for taking Magic Kingdom's Cinderella Castle?

Posted on by DogByte6RER

Military Strategy: What are the optimal siege tactics for taking Magic Kingdom's Cinderella Castle?

What if the Mouse House rises up as an evil totalitarianism government, enslaving the masses and dooming us all to a life of hand-stitching Pluto plushies? Something would have to be done. And one pack of folks has outlined the perfect plan of attack on Magic Kingdom's Cinderella Castle.

The story originates at Quora.com as follows ...

Cinderella Castle is the the worldwide-recognized icon of the Disney empire. Physical representations of it stand at the center of two Disney Parks: Walt Disney World in Florida, and Tokyo Disneyland. Assuming it were an actual fortress, how would you take it?

One Marine devises his plan as follows ...

Operation It's a Small War After All

Prepared by Sgt. Jon Davis USMC

I chose to ignore the stipulation of a pre-gunpowder based strategy because the fortifications defending the Magic Kingdom and housing its troops was built with modern technology and therefore should be also considered a target for modern warfare.

Phase 1:

A ground must be chosen in which you can quickly secure a foothold into the Magic Kingdom. This position must be easily accessible for the invasion force, provide cover and concealment for the troops and give strategic advantage once taken while depriving the enemy of the same. For this mission, I choose the area outside the tracks, between Tomorrowland and Main Street USA. Consideration must be taken to ensure we are not spotted by the monorail.

Phase 2:

The next phase would be the first two infantry companies sneaking in through the wooded area in the Southeast between Tomorrowland and Mainstreet, USA. Their primary targets are the train station and entrance to the park (to prevent enemy escape or reinforcements.) The Tomorrowland company's objective is to secure the square and and buildings, as well as any advanced technologies it may hold. Marines and soldiers are advised to not use the teleporters. They're a trap. They will only kill your unit and replace him with an evil alien. Their main attack route will be through the stage. Also important is that troops remember to take all underground entry points and gas them to prevent surprise attacks from the tunnels.

Phase 3:

Securing Mainstreet USA (now Mike Station) and Tomorrowland (Tango Base): By this point we should be concerned with securing our assets in Mike Station and Tango Base. You will see in the map below that I have shown the locations of sniper and machine gun teams along the buildings and alleyways in the two operations centers. The weapons should be made to cover key positions likely to receive any counter attack through likely avenues of approach with overlapping fields of fire and pinpoint targeting by the snipers. Note also that there is still artillery in the forest ready for the enemy.

Phase 4:

Primary assault on Cinderella's Stronghold: Now comes the glory. An assault force comprised of an infantry company staged in Tango base will attack the back of the castle. The most obvious route is to take on the castle through the Mainstreet. This is what they want you to think and will result in the sure death of you and your men. The front of the castle is lined with a moat and the counterattack will be an easy matter if they blow the bridge and your men stand helpless staring at the statue of Walt as they are taken out one by one. Go through Fantasyland and attack the castle in the rear. There is no moat and the defenses are much weaker. This will also be the time when you would need to prepare with additional reinforcements at the train station for the final assault.

***Secondary Objective:

While in Fantasyland we will have the opportunity to take down the menace of all parents everywhere. The "It's a Small World" ride will be within our reach. Our secondary objective is to eliminate the ride with extreme prejudice. This isn't a capture mission like the castle, but one of complete annihilation. Expect heavy casualties as their adorable repetitiveness burns into your skulls like white phosphorous in the jungle. Our sacrifices will be great, but our suffering is in the name of protecting others.

The Coup De Grâce:

Now that the castle's main attention is on the defenses of it's rear the primary invasion force will be ready to take structure. Infantry staged at the station will now make their way down Mainstreet and secure the statue and the moat. They will then spread out to secure the other zones of the region as they take the castle. Mission accomplished.

And as always men, honor the fallen.





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A most worthy military invasion plan by Sgt. Davis ... give him a battlefield commission and let the fireworks begin!



P.S. We were THERE just last month for my son’s H.S. graduation. It’s RIPE for the taking!



by 2 posted onby DogByte6RER ("Loose lips sink ships")

To: DogByte6RER

Nuke it from orbit....



by 3 posted onby cripplecreek (What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul?)

To: cripplecreek

... it’s the only way to be sure.



by 4 posted onby ClearCase_guy (Roger Taney? Not a bad Chief Justice. John Roberts? A really awful Chief Justice.)

To: Slings and Arrows

I can see you on the tip of this spear ... A NAPL PING



by 5 posted onby DogByte6RER ("Loose lips sink ships")

To: DogByte6RER

Don’t drop any trash. A brigade armed with pointy sticks will be unleashed on the area and who knows where that will lead.



To: DogByte6RER

Seems to me that things are being left pretty wide open between 7 o’clock and 12 o’clock. The enemy rodent could slip out that way and leave the castle booby trapped. Or he could be setting you up for a long guerrilla war.



by 7 posted onby cripplecreek (What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul?)

To: DogByte6RER

You know the battle field is riddled with tunnels don’t you? You didn’t? Who’s in charge of this chicken outfit?



To: DogByte6RER; MeekOneGOP; Conspiracy Guy; DocRock; King Prout; Darksheare; OSHA; martin_fierro; ...

While in Fantasyland we will have the opportunity to take down the menace of all parents everywhere. The "It's a Small World" ride will be within our reach. Our secondary objective is to eliminate the ride with extreme prejudice. This isn't a capture mission like the castle, but one of complete annihilation. Expect heavy casualties as their adorable repetitiveness burns into your skulls like white phosphorous in the jungle. Nuke it 'till it glows, and then bomb it in the dark.



To: DManA

Bring in the Tunnel Rats, amigo.



To: DogByte6RER

Why launch a full-up military assault when The Mouse would be perfectly happy to turn the keys over in return for a nice, fat check.



To: DManA



Yes ... and I would use the tunnels to storm The Pirates of the Carribean and then pay off the pirates as mercenaries to loot and pillage the rest of Disneyland.

by 12 posted onby DogByte6RER ("Loose lips sink ships")

To: DogByte6RER

Seems to me that you’d be taking indirect fire from everywhere from Toontown to adventureland.



by 13 posted onby cripplecreek (What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul?)

To: DogByte6RER

The Magic Kingdom is a diversion. Resources will be wasted and the casualties will be epic. Those Disney Characters will welcome death over having to stay in costume in the Florida heat, and they will take as many of you with them as they possibly can. Remember, Pluto is short for Plutonium. All the power lies in Disneyland. That is where you will find what you are looking for. Just Nuke California Adventure, it isn’t worth the fight.



To: DogByte6RER

Stay off of Main Street and avoid an urban warfare scenario.



To: DogByte6RER

R.A.Heinlein: “A human being should be able to ... plan an invasion ... Specialization is for insects.” We have a winner!



To: DogByte6RER

What are the optimal siege tactics for taking Magic Kingdom's Cinderella Castle? ....Nuk it from orbit, only way to be sure



by 17 posted onby tophat9000 (American is Barack Oaken)

To: DogByte6RER

Fatal flaw with phase #1: Initial staging outside park in in the middle of Harbor Blvd! In full view of many cheap hotels crawling with mouse sympathizers!





From Pirates of the Carribean ... then move over next door to the Haunted Mansion to raise an army of the dead

by 19 posted onby DogByte6RER ("Loose lips sink ships")

To: cartoonistx

Yes, West would definitely be better.



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