As someone who lives without gods, I also live without a belief in an existence beyond this mortal one. Death is the end. No heaven, no hell, no reincarnation. Finished. My light will burn in this universe until the fuel is expended and then I will extinguish. That is what I believe. So I am puzzled when I see people comment on beliefs like mine and question what meaning my life could possibly have.

So much of my childhood, being raised as a Catholic, was about learning and trying to obey God’s laws. There were commandments and parables and a lengthy list of “do’s” and “don’t’s” in order to live a good life. Ultimately it was about securing my place in “the next life.” The meaning of this life was to make my place in Heaven with God or in Hell with the others who had not heeded the recommended ways of living.

Humorist A. Whitney Brown once suggested that living for a reward in the afterlife was like going to the movies and keeping your eyes closed the entire time in the hopes of getting your money back at the end. An amusing analogy to be sure but remarkably descriptive of my Catholic upbringing. But what if existence has a firm “no refunds” policy?

Many people in a variety of religious traditions derive meaning by living according to some set of rules or prescribed behaviours. To be sure, civilized societies must have agreed upon codes of conduct; a set of laws to govern interaction. Historically, many of those laws have their roots in religious tradition. Breaking these divine laws could jeopardize one’s immortal soul; the ultimate punishment.

For the Hindu it is being reincarnated into a lower form. For the Muslim, it is being denied the reward of the soul being at peace until the Last Day when Allah will raise the dead to be sent to Paradise or Hell when the world is destroyed. There are many variations on this theme – live a good life according to the tenets of your faith in this life and you will be rewarded in the next life.

I don’t believe in a soul. I don’t think there is a “ghost in the machine” that animates and uses this body of mine. There is nothing of me to live on once the physical body I spend my life in ceases to function. Once I die, there is nothing. And so there is the question of what gives my life meaning if not to prepare for the next life.

For me, the answer is almost too big to put into words. As I sit here writing this, there is music playing. One of my favourite composers and some of my favourite works. I am inspired. I am moved. I am filled with a quiet joy at the sounds all around me. This evening my wife and best friend of more than 30 years will make an offhand remark that will make me laugh in the way she has done consistently for decades. And my dogs, each in their own way, will spend some time with me in play or even just resting together to give me a sense of belonging. There are a thousand other examples that I could give you.

Meaning in my life is not just about what I get out of the deal. I am lucky to play music with friends. It is good to give my time and energy to help them enjoy their time while we are together. I take great joy in making my wife laugh and in listening and comforting her when she is having a bad day. I have family and friends. There is so much to do in this life and so short a time to learn to live well.

So much to know

There are days that I am astonished at what I know. I know about the “event horizon” at the edge of a Black Hole. I know what “contrary motion” is in the harmonies of a song. I know that the part of the brain called the “Hippocampus” plays a critical role in depression. I know that my wife really likes certain mystery writers. And a million other things. Some of them I went out of my way to learn and others just kind of happened. But the fact that I can know them at all seems pretty amazing to me. It is a gift that gives my life some meaning.

There is so much that I don’t know. I discovered late in life that I am a half-brother to 5 women I am still getting to know. I don’t know how to be a brother because I was raised as an only child in a different family. I have spent much of my adult life playing music in my studio for my own enjoyment and now find myself playing in a band. I don’t know how to be part of this musical group but I’m learning. I guess that my biggest challenge is that I don’t know how to be comfortable with who and what I am. They tell me that it could be a life-long project.

For me, living is learning. It is a process of moving from “not knowing” to “knowing” a great many things. That process is a big part of what gives my life meaning. I have the chance to succeed or fail in this life. As long as I’m alive, I have a chance to recover from my failures and improve upon my successes. I can be a better husband. I can be a better friend. I can be a smarter person. I can be more helpful to my community and my world.

For me, living for this life is enough. I’ve talked to others who find that idea troubling. They wonder why I would follow the rules of civilized society if there were no consequences in the afterlife. And the answer to that is simple. I respect the lives of others as I hope they will respect mine. There are consequences in THIS life. I find myself here, in this life, and it is a privilege I choose not to take for granted. I have found that joy and meaning in this life come not just from what I get from life but what I give as well.

This life is what gives my life meaning. I don’t need the promise of rewards or threats of punishment for eternity to give me something to live for. There is so much to experience in this life that finding a way to live well, for myself and for those I love, is all the meaning I need.

Photo credit

Still, in a Crowd – Robert Swier 2009 from Google Images

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