Image courtesy of harassevarg from Pixabay

Some days, it’s better just to stay home.

Such was definitely the case Friday for Stefan Short of DeLand, Florida.

He probably has a big TV.

He likely had a frozen dinner on ice.

And the internet to browse.

And maybe Yahtzee.

Nevertheless — unwisely — he ventured out.

And at the Save-A-Lot, according to police, the 28-year-old shoplifted some steaks.

That would be, four packs of ribeyes costing $41.24. Guess that Hungry-Man at home just wouldn’t do.

Try as he may to be stealthy, Stefan — like a leopard — was spotted.

Subsequently, a manager and a civilian pinned him to the ground.

Around 7:20 p.m.

Police were on their way.

Here’s USA Today with more:

The store manager reported that Short was a regular shoplifter at the store and that when other shoppers reported they saw him stuffing meat in his pants, the manager stopped him, investigators said.

If you ever find yourself featured by USA Today in the manner above, I’ll give you one thing: Your life has taken an interesting turn.

So anyway, law enforcement showed up just as Stefan had wriggled loose.

And he was running away.

The cops caught him.

Oh, and I should be clear: He was naked.

In an effort to break free, he’d stripped off his clothes.

#Strategy

An officer arriving at the store saw coupon books and packs of meat scattered on the store’s floor and a naked Short running, the report says.

When real life is stranger than any fiction… "shoplifter escapes nude with Ribeye steaks falling out of his pants" https://t.co/r2r9CVfXfe — Ryan Fraser (@RyanCFP) February 18, 2020

As per The Daytona Beach News-Journal, he was charged with resisting an officer without violence and first-degree petty theft. And here’s a new one on me: resisting a store employee while committing a theft.

On Monday, he was presumably a might disappointed to be held without bail at the Volusia County Branch Jail.

But surely the biggest letdown of all was his trip to the hospital three nights before: One of the officers’ taser’s prongs had become irretrievably stuck in his genitals.

That compartmentalized salisbury steak, mashed potatoes, and green beans probably wasn’t looking so bad after all.

Yahtzee.

-ALEX

See 3 more pieces from me:

Was Bernie Fighting Income Equality by Flying First Class? A Viral Photo Says Yes, and His Expression is Priceless

Standards Are the Enemy: A Parent Describes His ‘Emerging’ 2nd Grader’s Report Card. See If You Can Figure It Out

If You Were Afraid Politics Had Become Less Absurd, Let Nancy Pelosi Alleviate Your Fears

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