Whenever Donald Trump gives a speech and you find yourself thinking, "I can't believe anyone could be this hateful," there's a good chance that the man behind that speech was Stephen Miller, the prematurely balding 32-year-old who must have made a deal with the devil at some point wherein he traded his youth and morals for power. Well, The New York Times has a new profile of Miller that gives us a glimpse of his youth in liberal haven Santa Monica, California. And it turns out that he's always been just the absolute worst. Some of the anecdotes in the piece have circulated before. A young Stephen Miller running for student government and getting booed for complaining about having to pick up his own trash when they have janitors to do that for them? Absolutely gross, but we've heard it. Miller calling a classmate and telling him that they could no longer be friends because of, among other things, said classmate's Latino heritage? Awful, but already part of the Miller narrative. But the stories in this profile we haven't heard before? Oh god, they're...something.

Like the story of his weird "striptease" for the school newspaper editor?

Mr. Miller set off on a patriotic semi-striptease before the editor of the student newspaper, according to the editor, Ari Rosmarin, theatrically removing a button-down to reveal an American flag T-shirt in protest of an article he found inconsistent with the national interest. (The White House denied any symbolic unbuttoning, though officials confirmed Mr. Miller’s fondness for the T-shirt.)

Who does that? What an odd and bizarre thing to do, especially over an article in a school newspaper. Really? You found an article in your high school paper "inconsistent with the national interest"? It's high school! Didn't Miller have high school things to do? Like go on dates or work for minimum wage at a video store? But in fairness to Stephen Miller (I know, I know, he doesn't deserve it, but hear me out), this particular story is more weird than infuriating. But make no mistake, Miller has plenty of infuriating stories. And perhaps none more so than this next anecdote from the piece.

He jumped, uninvited, into the final stretch of a girls’ track meet, apparently intent on proving his athletic supremacy over the opposite sex.

This is obviously insanely disrespectful, and just such a gross "look at me" stunt, but it's also just super dumb. If I wait at the last stretch of a marathon and, being well-rested, "beat" the people who have run the previous 26 miles, that obviously doesn't make me athletically superior to them. Anyone who thinks that it does would have to be a complete moron. And what's the White House reaction to this story?

(The White House, reaching for exculpatory context, noted that this was a girls’ team from another school, not his own.)

Can you imagine thinking that makes it better? Like, how out of your mind do you have to be to think that which girls' team it was makes any difference at all? You guys, I know this is shocking, but I'm starting to think this White House might not be full of the best people.

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