President Griswold is scheduled to make a tour of the Mediterranean region starting Thursday night. How're things going so far?

In Saudi Arabia, he is going to make a speech. It's being written by this Steven Miller guy who used to warm up the crowds at campaign rallies by demonstrating the nuanced vision of Islam that has marked his entire public career. Then, he will move along to Israel, whose covert operation he outed casually to the Russian foreign minister. He won't be visiting Masada, however, as Newsweek reports.

President Donald Trump has canceled a planned visit and speech at the ancient mountain fortress of Masada in Israel after authorities told him that he could not land his helicopter on top of the UNESCO-listed site. Instead, Trump will now deliver a speech at the Israel Museum in Jerusalem. It comes after an Israeli Air Force (IAF) regulation that prevents helicopters landing at the summit of the Masada site, according to Israel's Channel 2 broadcaster. Unlike former presidents who have made the trip, such as George W. Bush and Bill Clinton, Trump declined to land the helicopter at a base of the historic site and then take the cable car up, preferring to cancel the visit altogether.

Hey, who among us hasn't confused a UNESCO-listed world historical site with the Iowa State Fair? Ancient palaces. The Butter Cow. An artifact is an artifact.

I swear, by the time he gets to the Vatican, he's going to bolt and appeal to Papa Francesco for sanctuary. Within a year, there'll be a fountain and escalators in the Sistine Chapel.

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Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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