Dear Sugars,

My boyfriend of two years is brilliant, supportive, generous and not the least bit jealous. We’re sublimely compatible, the envy of our friends. The sex is amazing, too. Someday, when he’s ready, I intend to marry him. My problem is that I have to fight the urge to cheat on him all the time. My libido is incredibly strong, but what I crave is the seduction: sensing each other across the room, the eye contact, the playfulness, that first electric touch on the knee or shoulder that lasts a second too long.

It wouldn’t be so difficult to resist if I weren’t eternally confronted with an abundance of willing partners, all of them sexy, trustworthy (in terms of not telling anyone, anyway), and most of them married. I find it immensely difficult to reconcile myself with the reality of never experiencing that seductive dance again.

To my astonishment, I’ve so far resisted these impulses. Can I rely on my moral compass forever, or am I one Cosmo away from disaster? Should I bring up the shocking and destabilizing possibility of an open relationship in the context of my monogamous relationship, or do I simply police myself in silence? Do I seek therapy or catharsis? Is this even normal?

Wanton Woman

Cheryl Strayed: I think you’re “one Cosmo away from disaster,” if by disaster you mean acting upon your desires. As I wrote in my book “Tiny Beautiful Things”: “You can’t fake the core. The truth that lives there will eventually win out.” And you, Wanton Woman — right now, in this relationship — are faking it. So let the truth win out. You love your boyfriend, but you loathe the constraints that your relationship with him places upon you. You see a future with him, but you want a lot of other men in your present. Tell your boyfriend these truths and see where it leads you. It could be an open relationship, it could be a breakup, or it could be that the two of you talk about what you truly long for in your erotic lives and you find a way to get it while remaining monogamous. The value of such a conversation isn’t only that it’s a good idea to be honest with your partner, but also because it’s miserable to pretend to be or want something that you aren’t or don’t. The sort of agony you’re experiencing right now seldom disappears on its own. In most cases, there are only two ways out of it. You either bring about disaster by some manner of reckless behavior, or you tell the truth. You’ll be so much better off in the long run if you find the courage to do the latter.