[W]hen questioned about his position on social issues, [Minnesota House candidate Bob Frey (R)] added that it “does certainly need to be addressed for what it is. It’s not about the gay agenda but about the science and the financial impact of that agenda. It’s more about sodomy than about pigeonholing a lifestyle.” Frey then explained his view: “When you have egg and sperm that meet in conception, there’s an enzyme in the front that burns through the egg. The enzyme burns through so the DNA can enter the egg. If the sperm is deposited anally, it's the enzyme that causes the immune system to fail. That’s why the term is AIDS – acquired immunodeficiency syndrome.”

Here's the thing. Someone, somewhere, had to come up with this theory. They had to think about it, possibly while high on all of the nation's available drugs, and tell themselves that yeah, that must be how AIDS works. It must be because wayward sperms that don't find eggs cause you to die. The common cold is caused by tiny invisible rhinoceroses, why the hell not, and when you sneeze that's just your lungs trying to escape in order to fly back to their home planet, Neptune.

Jeebus, people. Just ... Jeebus.