Georgia Tech’s fraternities begin their long road to recovery this week after being hit particularly hard by the wintry mix that affected the greater Atlanta area over the weekend. Despite the repeated assertion by several fraternity spokesmen that “We dress for the weather we want, not the weather we have,” fraternity members nevertheless found it difficult to combat sub freezing temperatures in American flag Chubbies.

Stamps Health Services reported treating a record number of fraternity brothers for hypothermia when they found out the hard way that layering long-sleeve semi formal shirts and taking a shot of Jack Daniels was a more-or-less useless method of combating the cold front. Dozens of brothers also lost toes to frostbite after refusing to wear socks with their boat shoes, a decision that, according to reports, none of them regret.

Gary McDoole, the only member of his house that owns a winter jacket with sleeves, told The Crouton that almost his entire fraternity has been laid low by the weather: “Everyone’s got a pretty brutal cough right now. Turns out a nautical themed bow tie is NOT a substitute for a scarf. We also learned that chinos aren’t actually pants, they’re really just ankle length Chubbies.”

The latest reports are that Tech's sororities are working to send aid in the form of dozens of flannel shirts and sweaters that they may or may not have taken from the affected houses over the years.

Disclaimer: This is a work of satire. It does not reflect the views of nor is it associated with the Georgia Institute of Technology.