A Midwesterner's Snow Shoveling DOs and DON'Ts For Clueless Seattleites

Shoveling DO:

Do shovel a path from your house or apartment to your car/the street and spend five extra minutes shoveling the sidewalks to the edge of your property line. If a little old lady lives next door, shovel a path from her door to the street and the sidewalks in front of her house. If your neighbors are away, skip the path to their front door but shovel their sidewalks too. And don't bitch about how hard it is to shovel three inches of freaking snow. You need all the exercise you can get in the run up to Thanksgiving.

Shoveling DON'T:

Don't shovel a skinny little path from your front door to your fucking car and leave snow all over your fucking sidewalks. Total asshole move. Spend five fucking minutes shoveling the sidewalks in front of your house before they turn into a sheet of ice. And don't give me this, "We live in Seattle! We don't own a snow shovel!" bullshit. There are three or four inches out there, tops—you can shovel that shit with a broom. And if you shoveled a path from your front door to your car, then you own a damn shovel. Shovel your fucking sidewalks too, you lazy motherfucker.



Also: if you own or run a store, bar, club, restaurant, movie theater, grocery store, school, crack house, domination studio, etc., etc., shovel the fucking sidewalks in front of your place of business.

Thank you.