Throughout the last 18 months, many things have been written or said about Donald Trump—most of them highlighted his bigotry, his sexism, his baby hands, and that he's completely unfit to run a steak company let alone the greatest country in the world. But it didn't matter! The news articles, the essays, the jokes, the Access Hollywood tapes—none of it matters! The fucking guy is transitioning to become our next President.

And, oh man, you can imagine that a man as immature, as temperamental, as self-absorbed as Trump, who has zero respect for the foundations of his country, would use the most powerful position in the land to seek revenge on his enemies. If you're thinking, No this isn't some dictatorship in a war-torn country, this is America. The President of the United States wouldn't do that. Think again! Trump's director of African-American outreach told the Independent Journal Reviewthat "Mr. Trump has a long memory and we're keeping a list... It's so great our enemies are making themselves clear so that when we get into the White House, we know where we stand."

That's fucking terrifying! And you know who's likely on that list? Every major newspaper, most writers, most educated people, and any comedian in the country. Among the poor doomed names on this list—likely near the very top—is Stephen Colbert!

And as he thought about the repercussions that he could be facing after doing such things as comparing him to Hitler, he tried to place the blame elsewhere.

"It was Sam Bee and Seth Meyers! They're the ones who said all those horrible things about you. I was just joking the whole time. All hail our glorious leader. Giant hands. You've got giant hands!" Colbert pleaded, before stepping back and adding, "...is what a pussy would say."

Trump can try to bully the media and comedians and other politicians all he wants, no one is going to stop fighting back—especially Stephen Colbert.

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Matt Miller Culture Editor Matt is the Culture Editor at Esquire where he covers music, movies, books, and TV—with an emphasis on all things Star Wars, Marvel, and Game of Thrones.

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