Photo: White House Pool/Getty

Donald Trump, a misspelled and poorly kerned placard who became a real boy and ran for president, says he believes the many damaging leaks coming out of his administration, as well as all the angry town hall protests currently greeting lawmakers across the country, can be blamed on President Obama. “I think that President Obama’s behind it because his people are certainly behind it,” said the man whose YouTube comment mutterings now carry the implicit official seal of the White House. “And some of the leaks possibly come from that group, you know, some of the leaks—which are very serious leaks, because they’re very bad in terms of national security.”


Trump made this, his latest “Jabberwocky” of a statement, before the slythy toves of Fox And Friends, the nattering sycophants who, as he repeatedly reminded them, represent the only fair and real news left. There beamish boy Brian Kilmeade came to his arms, saying, “It turns out his organization seems to do a lot of these organizing to some of the protests that a lot of these Republicans are seeing around the country against you. Do you believe President Obama is behind it and if he is, is that a violation of the so-called unsaid presidents’ code?” As it was something he just heard on Fox News, Trump couldn’t help but agree. “No, I think he is behind it,” Trump said, although he diplomatically allowed, “I also think it’s politics, that’s just the way it is… You never know what’s exactly happening behind the scenes … I think that President Obama’s behind it because his people are certainly behind it.”

Indeed, you never know what’s going on behind the scenes, whether all those furious protesters who have faced off with Republican lawmakers recently, shouting about the repeal of the Affordable Care Act and Trump’s ties to Russia, are constituents or paid crisis actors, hired at a rate of $1,500 per week. To accept the former, you’d have to believe that these people genuinely think that, without the health insurance the government helped them attain, they or their family members might have died, or that they actually care that Russia may have interfered in the election. But to accept the latter, you only have to look at the fact that the progressive group Organizing For Action—which has been caught at many of these town halls, brazenly helping groups of progressives organize for action—was formed from the leftovers of Obama’s presidential campaign. Once you’ve been red-pilled through the cucking glass, maybe you’ll wake up and realize that all these so-called “concerned citizens” who claim they don’t want to lose their health insurance and die are puppets, dangling from Obama’s kite-surfing strings.




Of course, as even Fox News risks its White House accreditation to note, Trump didn’t provide any actual evidence or references for his assertions that Obama and “Obama people” have conspired to undermine his presidency through the insidious sharing of information and voicing of opinion—not that it would have mattered. As Trump reminded his only friends, the rest of the “dishonest media” wouldn’t report it straight anyway. They’d probably just throw out something ridiculous and borderline libelous as a way of deflecting from its own obvious shortcomings. “I believe that sometimes they don’t have sources. I believe that a lot of the sources are made up. I believe a lot of the sources are pure fiction. They just pull it out of thin air,” said Donald Trump, a man blessed from birth with the superhuman ability to tune out Donald Trump’s words.

Along those lines, Trump added that he would give his presidency an “A” for achievement so far, alongside an “A-plus” for effort. Still, he humbly admitted he only deserved a “C”—or maybe “C-plus”—for communication. “I think I’ve done great things, but I don’t think I have—I and my people, I don’t think we’ve explained it well enough to the American public,” Trump said into a live television camera, during the same open forum for effectively promoting those great things where he also accused Oscars host Jimmy Kimmel of “pulling out the race card” against him and said only “the enemies” want him to stop using Twitter. Unfortunately, the Obama media will somehow try to spin these things as delusional ramblings. Thanks, Obama.


As of press time, Barack Obama was last seen in New York City attending a Broadway show after vacationing in the Virgin Islands and generally seeming relaxed and relieved to not have to deal with this shit any longer.