Ha-Ha-Ha!I can just see you traipsing over to my house in your black cat woman suit and me answering the back door wearing a bathrobe over my skimpy crucifixion garment. "GR, can I borrow a half pint of your stage blood?" Friendly neighbor that I am and fellow cruxer , I answer "Sure Pam! Just got a fresh bottle of Mahrons. Oh, by the way, you must give me the recipe for your hot 'cross' buns and 'whipped' cream!" You would give me an inviting wink and smiling would say "You will have to torture me to get that!"Hey! I did make a little movie a few years ago that I gave to a few forum members called "How to Stage a Safe and Enjoyable Crucifixion." It is really more about how I set up the crucifixion for my movie, which regrettably did not include foot block, but rather ankles appearing to be nailed into side of upright. The sedile is rather primitive too.The produced resolution wasn't as nice as my recent film "CruxWinds: Introduction," but is OK. Looking back, it is kinda funny. However, it does show the amount of planning and work that can go into a staged self-crucifixion.Yesterday I tried to use the forum private message feature to contact you regarding this movie, but could not see how you do that on this forum..I really like the idea of a short trailer type movie and actually was putting one together this past winter. I intended to show a few clips of each scene: sentencing, scourging, thorn crowning, cross carrying, nailing raising and crucifixion. The big problem was not wanting to leave anything out. So now it has become a production of the entire movie!The biggest problem is concealing identity. I tried various facial blurring and masking techniques, but just didn't like the look of them. Finally, I found away of abstracting the entire frame. I do like that and in a way it makes it look more erotic. I'm not sure others would like it, but then again, I'm not sure anyone would like the non-abstracted version. Making it, I never intended anyone to see it but me.My main motivations for filming myself crucified is because I wanted to see what I look like crucified. Also, my crucifixion fetish/fantasy was formed from religious imagery and JC movies. Now, as I dreamed out fantasies of me being whipped and crucified I realized I was creating little story lines or movies in my mind and also in reality as I acted my fantasies out by some self-whipping, but mostly self crucifixion.I knew I couldn't do this with the movie-making tools of that time, because it would require me to send my film into a processing center where others would see it and possibly contact authorities to have me committed to an asylum!!So when digital film-making came along, I saw my opportunity and did it.I'm still not sure how my crux movie making has affected my dreaming fantasies. I suppose I was hoping that getting it onto film would free up more of my 'limited brain space'to have deeper, more detailed fantasy dreams. Not sure if I've done that, but it does seem that I do use the filmed crucifixions help me see in my dreams what others in my dreams see. Whew! One strange duck, huh? "Pam?" ... "You fall asleep again?" ..."No GR, I'm listening, just resting my eyes. Sure is nice out on your deck laid back on these recliners!""Oh, OK ... well, as I was saying ..." Initially, like many others I use to set up various mirrors at different angles and distances. Only problem is that I've always been terribly near-sighted and to see the mirrors while crucified I had to wear glasses. Well, glasses just are not that erotic looking for crucifixion victims and looking at a mirror you see yourself looking back. That is really a distraction from acting out the pain and agony thing.I did have a remarkable, unexpected and profound experience making the movie. It takes a long time to make a good movie, especially if you have never done one before. It took me the entire summer and early fall of 2008 to film just the victim film clips. As I got into later fall and early winter I got into costume disguise to film the evil monk and guard. I used a female hair-dresser head and home-made cloaked mannequin to create a female character.The victim scenes of the real me were filmed altogether all the way from sentencing into and hour or so of crucifixion as one continuous project that summer. I used the movie mode of an old Sony 2.3 megapixel camera for the filming. It had a 10 second timer button and could only shoot 15 second clips. It was a lot of work clicking on my computer per-recorded sound effects, then dashing over to to hit timer button on the camera and then dash into doing my part in each scene. Besides that, I was constantly changing camera angles and distances; planning and building props and reviewing various 15 second clips after filming them. There was also set set-up and take-down each evening.The sentencing scene where I was found guilty of heresy by claiming to be a direct descendent of JC and sentenced to his style of execution to teach me a lesson and serve as an example to others of how he suffered for them. The movie has a surprise ending, so I can't say much more about that.The scourging scene consisted of me being strung up facing the whipping post for 20 lashes from a multi-strand scourge that I made from an old braided leather belt with little wire barbs attached along each barb. I per-recorded the sound of this same whip without barbs hitting my back. It really didn't hurt much and I got the desired sound. if you watch my new movie, at the beginning where the male prisoner is being scourged, well, that is the same whip impact sound amplified and my own acted out pain sounds!So I would start these recorded whip impact sounds on my computer, click the camera timer on and then quickly attach myself to the whipping sound. I had the camera mounted above me looking down at my terrified agonizing face looking up at it. I waited for the whip impact sound on the computer and then I did my facial pain expressions and sounds. I also took other angles of me writhing on the post.I think it took me about a week to do those first 20 lashes. Then filmed 10 lashes of me lowered on the post and kneeling, presumably to scourge my sides and shoulders. The last 20 lashes were of me facing out, spread-eagled on an X cross. After the horrible scourging, while still on the X cross I was crowned with a home made barbed wire crown of thorns which caused fake blood to stream down the sides of may face and even down my nose and around my mouth. That was a very challenging scene to shoot.I was taken down from the X cross and my bloody, sweat-soaked garment was roughly tied back up over my bleeding shoulders and a red cape was tied around at my neck. Even though I was not of any organized religion, I did believe in the 'Golden Rule' "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." So I was mocked and proclaimed "Golden Ruler - King of the Heretics" I was asked once more to renounce my ancestral claims and gave no response, so I was sentenced to death by crucifixion.I had been working on the movie for a number of weeks in the wonderfully erotic hot weather of summer, moving from scene to scene, when I was overcome with an enormous sense of real dread that I was going to be stripped, nailed to a cross and crucified. This dread increased as I filmed the scenes of me carrying the cross. I really felt that I was going to be crucified as the filming dragged on through July and early August. As I look back on the clips I can see real fear on my face, especially as I await the first nail to be driven into my wrist! OMG! What an experience!!! It is amazing what our minds are capable of! Still, I loved every second of it! I was living my dream!Another unexpected thing I found out about myself later while doing the evil monk and sadistic guard whipping scenes, is that I did have pleasure playing those parts, even though i am basically masochistic. I am realizing this in my Second Life adventure too as I use multiple avatars to augment our ancient prison staff. I never fantasize this role,but do find some enjoyment acting these parts out. It is more by necessity, than choice, because of the rapid increase of new members following our CruxWinds intro movie.I have always been a bit hesitant and I think PhilX has too, to present any of our films on the forums. Neither of us detect any significant interest in male crucifixion on the forums, even though most crux fantasies are derived from it. It is really a shame in regards to PhilX, because his crucifixion movies are the best I've ever seen! He is a real master at what he does! He finally did Youtube a short scene of his scourging, but that thread got flooded out by soccer talk dribble. What a shame!I really kind of wonder if their is any real crux fantasy among those who look at crucified victims. Those who like to be crucified or at least fantasize on being crucified seem to be the ones that have a true fetish for this. I think the majority of others just like to see chicks naked, spread out and vulnerable. It really doesn't matter if they are on a cross or just some other BDSM device. In many images there is no device at all. I may be wrong and I'm not the best to judge, because I'm more preoccupied with being on the cross, but it does seem to be so here on the forums and in Second Life. We have had a number of visitors at our virtual ancient Roman prison fort that just love the torture and forced sex, but crucifixion is way too 'heavy' for them. They just come to cop a quick BDSM fixThat is why your thread here is so refreshing! You are person that has a real crucifixion fetish and you have proven so by actually doing a self-crucifixion, filming it and presenting it here!! That is real dedication and commitment and much appreciated! I'm sure PhilX would agree. Real crucifixion fetish isn't about gender at all. It goes way beyond gender. Although, I must admit, that before discovering the crux forums and from what I have seen in Second Life, I never imagined women would have a crucifixion fetish and the numbers are amazing!!! Previously, I imagined it to be a male thing, because I am a male and most of the imagery that leads to this fetish is male. It shows you what I know!I would be glad to put together a short version of my movie to present on your thread. I bet maybe even PhilX would too. I'll try to keep it simple and under 6 hours in length! (just kidding-probably 10 minutesI do make other types of Youtube movies that are PG, so I have my crux movies posted on other peoples private/restricted accounts. I just don't want to take a chance of my crux movies being associated with my regular movies by me screwing up the posting.Attached is how I might present such a movie in an abstracted way. .