We did it! Some say it couldn’t be this bad but man oh man did we prove them wrong. There’s enough battery left in this self-dick-kicking-machine to keep it going well into the 2020’s. Let’s look at some of the numbers, shall we?

22 – 39, dead last in MLB.

194 runs scored, dead last MLB.

7-23 on the road, dead last in MLB.

.356 team slugging percentage, dead last in MLB.

.290 on base percantage, 29th in MLB (only 2nd to last? Progress!).

.239 batting average, 28th in MLB.

4.30 team ERA, 29th in MLB.

1.41 WHIP, 28th in MLB.

.980 team fielding percentage, 26th in MLB.

This team is essentially 25th or worse out of 30 teams in every meaningful statistical category possible. I’m not even mad, I’m impressed. Oh, and the Phillies have been outscored by 88 runs this season. The next worst ratio is the Brewers at -60. A 28 RUN DIFFERENTIAL FROM THE NEXT WORST TEAM. For comparison the 39-21 St. Louis Cardinals (how the FUCK are they this good every damn year?) have a run differential of +63.

I HATE THIS TEAM.