Why We Hate Others?

Haters, haters all over the place! Working in conflict resolution, I get to hear a lot of stories about why many person is worthy of being hated. Without a doubt, these stories are often bolstered by pulse-raising examples with the potential to provoke even the most skilled facilitative mediators into an evaluative stance. At the same time, beyond these story lay patterns, many of which shed light on the dynamics of why we hate.



When we see someone who even looks different from us, there is preferential activation of the amygdala, which means the brain region associated with fear and aggression flares up. This visceral, emotional reaction can spark a long-term pattern of dislike when it’s validated by action: if you perceive that someone has hurt you, your fear of them becomes rational.

Our negative feelings toward someone get stronger as bad experiences with them pile up, and these negative thoughts trigger the fight-or-flight response in our bodies, making us think “I hate people” or a specific person.



The response in the body when we dislike someone

What happens in your body when you dislike someone? You can start by trying to understand fear. When we see someone who even looks different from us, “there is preferential activation of the amygdala,” which means the brain region associated with fear and aggression flares up. This visceral, emotional reaction can spark a long-term pattern of dislike when it’s validated by action: if you perceive that someone has hurt you, your fear of them becomes rational.



Our negative feelings toward someone get stronger as bad experiences with them pile up, and these negative thoughts trigger the fight-or-flight response in our bodies. Puts it, our fight-or-flight response is our bodies way of dealing with a stressor.

Stressors that trigger fight-or-flight need not be life or death, though Sadly, our body cannot tell the difference between an actual stressor and a perceived stressor. This is why seeing posts from your high school bully can make you feel the anxiety of being bullied all over again: your fearful associations with disliking the person trigger your own need to protect yourself.

There are several reasons why we hate others.