I spent Friday evening with naked exhibitionists; sodomites; and megaphallic, lecherous drunkards, among others. This did not occur at a local bar (although much of it probably could have). Jack had mentioned a small church in the Pyrenees with an erotic capital. Although a search did not turn up that particular church, in a burst of geekified art-historical zeal, I discovered that there are dozens upon dozens of lewd church carvings inside and on the facades of 11th and 12th-century Romanesque churches and cathedrals throughout France. Who knew?

The web site I found with the most examples and information was http://www.beyond-the-pale.org.uk/ . According to the site's author, Anthony Weir, the series of corbel sculptures around the roof line of the church’s exterior included iconic figures that were regarded by the faithful as a gallery of sinners. The artists themselves may have just been portraying their own lay culture.

One such character is this corbel figure of a female Exhibitionistic Acrobat on the church at Fontaines d’Ozillac in the Charente-Maritime. (These are fairly common in Spain and France.) The church considered actors and tumblers to be "against nature" and therefore wicked. The gesture of mouth-pulling indicates she is a theatrical entertainer. The message the corbel sculpture of a leering contortionist is meant to send to the illiterate viewers below is that actors are evil and their performances should be shunned.

Another stock character in the repertoire of didactic religious sculpture is the Lecherous Drunk (this one located in Béceleuf, Deux-Sevres). This character’s love for alcohol is symbolized by the wine barrel he holds. His oversized genitals index the sins of carnality to which alcohol consumption can lead. The onlooker is thus warned about the dual sins of insobriety and concupiscence.

The megaphallic Glutton of Champagnolles in the Charente-Maritime is seen ingurgitating something that could be a large piece of cake. (Or maybe it is "a piece of cheese the size of a car battery" like the one George Costanza dreamed of on Seinfeld.) I am not certain what the connection is between gluttony and gigantic genitals, but perhaps it signifies a generalized insatiability.

Sins of the flesh were represented by grotesque male figures, displaying and sometimes licking their outsized masculine apparatus. This limber male figure (Solignac, Haute-Vienne) is shown engaged in that activity.

A vulva-pulling female appears at the church of Sainte Radegonde in Poitiers, Vienne. The small city of Poitiers has no fewer than six Romanesque churches, so it is a must for those who are fascinated by this architectural style.

The idea of damnation was commonly shown by monsters swallowing up the bodies of sinners, just as the realm of Satan would swallow up their souls. This sodomite (Conques, Aveyron) is being clubbed by a devil and is forced into the jaws of a beast representing the mouth of hell. At La Chaize-le-Vicomte in the Vendée, sodomy occurs between two traveling entertainers, reminding us again that performers were seen as damned souls.

Shifting gears a bit, this clothed couple (Maillezais, Deux-Sevres), each with a halo, is shown embracing. It may be a depiction of Christian marriage. The couple's saucer-eyed stare may suggest a focus on the sacred. (I'm spooked by that middle eye--which face does it belong to???) Although not a portrayal of exhibitionism, the man’s tunic does not quite cover all the action that is taking place.

In Civray (Vienne) an upside-down concupiscent woman, naked but for her shoes, plummets toward hell. (I guess this is a literal take on the "fallen woman") This one is made notable by its large size and proximity to the altar. By the 13th century, such grotesqueries were much less common, and usually limited to gargoyles or barely visible places.

Although there are many more examples of shameless Medieval behavior carved in French church stones, this was about as much excitement as I could stand for one Friday night. To conclude, if you are visiting a Romanesque church and don’t want to miss out on the lessons these naughty little guys and gals perched way up high can teach us, take your field glasses along.