Opinion: Conspiracy of Dunces — LSU blames everything, except that Alabama is just better

GLENN GUILBEAU COLUMN | USA TODAY Network

BATON ROUGE — Hopefully, there will be no helmet-to-helmet hits at LSU's football practices this week, so the Tigers do not lose another defensive player for the first half against No. 1 Alabama a week from Saturday on a suspension.

Because, you know, Alabama coach Nick Saban had hidden cameras installed all over LSU's practice fields when he was still LSU's coach that only he can access because he knew he would become Alabama's coach after failing with the Miami Dolphins.

LSU coach Ed Orgeron said himself at a Rotary Club luncheon before this season that after last year's 24-10 loss at Alabama, he received Alabama's scouting report on LSU from a Tide assistant who is a friend. Orgeron said he was "embarrassed to see the things they had on us," but he has since hired several analysts to help with intel.

The third paragraph is true. The second is a conspiracy theory — no more silly than some of those out there believed by LSU fans, LSU employees and even some Louisiana media.

It would truly be great if No. 4 LSU (7-1, 4-1 Southeastern Conference) finally beat No. 1 Alabama (8-0, 5-0 SEC) again a week from Saturday in Tiger Stadium (7 p.m., CBS) if only to stop the crazy conspiracy theories. The Tigers have not defeated the Crimson Tide since a 9-6 win in overtime on Nov. 5, 2011, in Tuscaloosa.

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An Alabama loss to the Tigers would dramatically change the narrative of LSU football so desperately needed.

It might not change the SEC or national narrative much as Alabama has lost five SEC West regular season games since its last loss to LSU — Texas A&M in 2012, Auburn in 2013, Ole Miss in 2014 and '15 and Auburn in 2017 — and still won national championships in the 2012, '15 and '17 seasons. In fact, LSU's win in 2011 didn't really change the narrative. Alabama still won it all that season.

LSU's Devin White targeting call against Mississippi State The Tigers have a week off before facing Alabama, but thanks to a questionable targeting call, they'll be doing so without star linebacker Devin White for the first half.

But, boy, would it be a breath of fresh air in Louisiana — like an oil boom. Louisianians could travel to Gulf Shores, Alabama, again without shame. They could go to Florida's beaches without having to travel through Tennessee and Georgia.

It has been so long.

If LSU loses again Saturday, that will be eight straight, which would be one more than the number of special sessions called by Gov. John Bel Edwards.

And with each loss — 21-0 on Jan. 9, 2012, in the national championship game, 21-17 in Baton Rouge in 2012, 38-17 in Tuscaloosa in 2013, 20-13 in overtime in Baton Rouge in 2014, 30-16 in Tuscaloosa in 2015, 10-0 in Baton Rouge in 2016 and 24-10 in Tuscaloosa last year — so grow the conspiracy theories.

The latest involves the ejection of star LSU linebacker Devin White for targeting Mississippi State quarterback Nick Fitzgerald with a helmet to the head and neck area in the fourth quarter on Saturday. In addition to the ejection, the NCAA rule calls for the guilty player to be suspended for the next half of play. In this case, the first half against Alabama on Nov. 3. It was a tough call and about 60-40 close with 50-50 a no call. But it was the right call if you understand the rule, which Edwards and many of his fellow Louisiana citizens and LSU fans apparently do not.

"Someone is going to have to explain the definition of 'targeting' to me," he tweeted Saturday night. "From what I know, that wasn't it."

Can someone please stop our political leaders from weekend binge tweeting? Might be better if they just drink.

But OK, Governor, here goes.

The NCAA rule on targeting says, "No player shall target and make forcible contact to the head or neck area of a defenseless opponent with the helmet, forearm, hand, fist, elbow or shoulder. This foul requires that there be at least one indicator of targeting. When in question, it is a foul."

That last sentence is key. "When in question, it is a foul." In other words, if it's close — call it. The NCAA wants these penalties called. It is a liability issue in addition to a safety issue.

That's clear, and if you watch the replays, it is also clear that White targeted Fitzgerald. It wasn't flagrant and it wasn't a cheap or anal retentive call either. But it was close enough to be called.

Thanks, Governor, for again proving that politicians know less about sports than sportswriters know about politics, which is not that much.

A better question for the Governor may have been this: Why is your flagship institution wasting so much money on purple helmet paint that didn't change to gold and a ridiculous new all-white uniform this far past Labor Day last week that it's only going to wear once (thankfully), as Nick Saban tells the young woman in that commercial?

Thank goodness, the NCAA does not allow for an appeal process for targeting. The open date LSU and Alabama each have wouldn't be long enough for all these appeals, and Edwards probably would have called an eighth special session for it.

It was reviewed as all targeting calls are. And it was confirmed. Done.

FLASHBACK: Now this really was a bad call versus LSU in the 2014 Alabama game

At least Edwards was not nearly as loony tunes as James Carville, political commentator and lead strategist for Bill Clinton's presidential victory in 1992 who is asking the SEC to appeal White's NCAA targeting suspension, even though an appeal process does not exist and it's not a SEC rule.

"Let's go back to 2016, after Hurricane Matthew moved the LSU-Florida game, and, more importantly, revealed the latest evidence of the SEC's love affair with Alabama," he wrote in a letter to the Baton Rouge Advocate. "Every LSU fan knows the SEC has literally been in the tank for Alabama."

Carville may need to go back to 1992. The SEC helped LSU in 2016 after Matthew by giving it an additional home game that season against Florida. So, LSU had an unfair advantage in the SEC West against Alabama, which had the usual four SEC home games while LSU had five. When the schedule move was made on Oct. 13 of that season, LSU was in contention at 2-1 in the league with Alabama, which was 3-0. How is that a love affair with Alabama and not LSU?

Also, in 2010, six of Alabama's SEC opponents had an open week before playing Alabama with the Tide open before only one - LSU. That was another competitive advantage against Alabama, which lost three of those, including to LSU.

Edwards and Carville - both LSU graduates and very passionate fans - are like many very intelligent people of other fan bases when discussing their teams. They go with their heart over their head, and their brains kind of just exit through the ears. When LSU fans like this are discussing their team and Alabama - the Tigers' decades long nemesis and daddy - it's a double whammy of craziness.

The fact that LSU is 0-7 against Alabama - even though only two were within a touchdown - only fuels the crazy conspiracy theorists. They will stay on the job until LSU finally wins again.

► They have cried that the 1:10 review of White's call was too quick. The fix was in.

Wrong. Perhaps the reason the review went so quickly was because the officials know what they're doing with targeting. There have been quite a few this season. In fact, there have been two by LSU before White's. Or maybe, it was so quick because it was so clear that White targeted. Case closed. Reporters sitting near me who have covered LSU for decades immediately thought it was targeting before the replays. I thought it wasn't targeting until I saw replays and read the rule.

The 70-second review was also only slightly less than the average review of targeting calls in the SEC this season, SEC associate commissioner Herb Vincent told me Monday. And note to Mr. Carville, Vincent is a LSU graduate and was LSU's sports information director from 1988 to 2000. He was an associate athletic director at LSU from 2002 until joining the SEC in 2013. He didn't want this to happen to White.

It might be a bad rule, but its genesis is good — player safety and NCAA liability. Fitzgerald, by the way, did leave the game briefly to be checked. Many of you may have missed that as you were concocting more conspiracy theories.

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►Other theorists, for example, were suspicious at how quickly Vincent had statements out about the call and at how quickly White's suspension for the first half of the Alabama game was on the Alabama website. The fix was in.

Wrong again. Vincent was doing his job. Like the great sports information director he was — before cell phones — he was and is quick to respond with accurate information. As soon as White was ejected, the news of it began being posted on newspapers' websites throughout the state and via social media. Those working on the Alabama website were quick, too, and realized it was very newsworthy. Since Alabama played that afternoon and was done, they were also probably watching the game.

►Others craving conspiracy questioned why Vincent was at the LSU-Mississippi State game. Perhaps to make sure the SEC's premier football program's chances of beating LSU would stay safe by any means necessary — like making sure a call ejecting one of LSU's best defenders stuck? Saban did say after the Tennessee game that LSU has the first real defense his team will play this season. Did he call the LSU press box?

Wrong. Vincent was not at the LSU game. He was at the SEC offices doing his job.

►Still other conspiracy "researchers" point to a NCAA rule about a national coordinator of officials reviewing targeting suspensions for the next game's first half.

This is actually not wrong. And Orgeron brought it up at the New Orleans Quarterback Club luncheon Tuesday, referencing a conversation he had with LSU athletic director Joe Alleva.

"We thought there was a national coordinator of officials that could review it," Orgeron said. "I don't know what happened to that."

MORE: Orgeron rips targeting call against Devin White at N.O. QB Club

I do. The coordinator of officials is only used for games that do not have instant replay - like in Division II and III.

►The LSU Nation's cries of conspiracy with White's targeting call are as silly as Alleva and former coach Les Miles trying to end the annual LSU-Florida series a few years ago because LSU did not have "competitive equity" as Alabama got to annually play SEC East opponent Tennessee instead of LSU's annual East foe Florida. Never mind that Alabama annually played Tennessee while LSU annually played Florida for decades before the SEC went to divisions and permanent East-West foes in 1992.

In truth, Tennessee and Florida have been about the same — great, average, not so good — since the SEC went to divisions in 1992. In truth, had Alabama been playing Florida each year instead of Tennessee each year since 1992, it would likely have the same number of national titles over that span — six. As would LSU with two. Schedules even out over time.

Yes, somehow LSU people blamed Florida for the Tigers' annual losses to Alabama.

► LSU people also love to blame geography for their losses to Alabama because the SEC office is located in Birmingham — just 57 miles from the Alabama campus. Never mind that the office was there in 1997 when Alabama went 4-7, in 2000 when Alabama went 3-8, in 2003 when Alabama went 4-9, in 2004 when Alabama went 6-6, and in 2007 when Alabama and Saban went 7-6 with a loss to Louisiana-Monroe.

The SEC office was also in Birmingham when Alabama went on NCAA probation in 1995 and had a bowl ban. And the SEC office was still an hour's drive from Tuscaloosa when Alabama again was on probation in 2005 and '06. And the SEC office was in Birmingham when LSU went 9-3 against Alabama from 2000-2011, including those last five games with Saban at Alabama.

Perhaps the only thing that will stop the childish conspiracy theories is an LSU win on Nov. 3. Here's hoping for that.

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Of course, if that happens, and both LSU and Alabama win out this season, which would not be difficult, then LSU and Alabama would meet again in the playoffs as in the 2011 season. And the conspiracy theories would start cooking again.

It was in 2011 when all the Tide conspiracy theories began to Roll in Louisiana because Alabama somehow still reached the national championship game that year without winning its conference. Never mind that had LSU lost to Alabama on Nov. 5, 2011, and won out as Alabama did, and Oklahoma State was upset by Iowa State, then LSU would have played Alabama in the national title game without winning the SEC. Oh, and that game was in New Orleans. Is that not a disadvantage to Alabama?

Now, Alabama may get reputation calls here and there, but so have other dynasties of present and past like the Golden State Warriors, the New England Patriots, the New York Yankees and the Boston Celtics. That's human nature. There are no conspiracies. Game officials would have to really be smart to coordinate such a thing. And these are SEC officials.

Before Saban arrived at Alabama, LSU fans and media cried conspiracy over Auburn getting calls against LSU. When 10-2 Texas A&M got the Cotton Bowl and 10-2 LSU landed in the Chick-fil-A in the 2012 season, LSU fans cried conspiracy because the Tigers beat the Aggies at A&M that year. But there was no conspiracy. The Cotton Bowl wanted an exciting offense — as bowls are wont to want — and a quarterback named Johnny Manziel, who had just won the Heisman. A loss to LSU in October didn't matter.

There is no Crimson Conspiracy. There is only a Conspiracy of Dunces.

At the moment and for most of the last decade or so, Alabama with Nick Saban was and is just better than LSU and everyone else. Period.

Just as LSU with Saban was and would be better than Alabama.