Op-ED: The New York Post Fails With Its Critique Of Detroit Style Pizza

Let’s not keep it a secret any longer: Pizza from New York City is made to save money. You take a normal amount of dough, spread it thin, throw some sauce and cheese on it, then bake for a minimum amount of time. What you get is a bigger slice of pizza that flops around in your hands like a t-shirt with someone who doesn’t know how to fold.

Do I like pizza from NYC? Sure. Have I ordered NYC style pizza? Yeah, of course I have. However, I prefer Detroit-style pizza because I grew up with it, tasted the others, and I still come back to it. I’m from Detroit. I am completely biased towards my favorite style pizza. It’s what I consider the definitive style pizza. Never do I have to grab a handful of napkins to blot all the grease off of a round pizza. Having to do that makes me realize that ordering pizza was probably a very unhealthy decision. You can’t unsee a napkin soaked in orange.

Why am I saying this now? Well, the New York Post decided they wanted to call Detroit-style pizza a “hipster horror.” Considering that Detroit-style pizza has been around since Buddy’s Rendezvous in 1946, the NY Post is further damaging its reputation. I know we all want to know about Chelsea Handler’s 2 abortions at 16, but pizza is more important than an unfunny “comedian” who spends her time insulting everyone.

Circling back to the article, the “staff” claims that “hipsters” in Williamsburg has given Emmy Squared, a pizza place on Grand Street, a forum to make square pizzas. The pizza place makes the pizza in the old fashioned way of having the sauce atop the cheese, and no outer rim of crust. Yeah, this is one way to make the pizza, but the basics of Detroit pizza is its square. In the picture above this paragraph is what I think of when I think of Detroit-style. It’s pizza so good that people I know from California order it as they land in Michigan. Zero hyperbole, but it’s pizza you’d get in a fight with someone over if they ate the leftovers in the fridge.

To deafen the NY Post even more, they go on to say, “What a diss to Ray’s Original, Famous Original Ray’s and the city’s other classic slice-venders. Even aficionados of those Chicago quiches — “deep-dish pizza” — must be appalled.”

Are they talking about the super thick Chicago pizza that you can’t eat without cutting it with a sword? I’ve tried it a few times, but I can only manage maybe 2 slices. They’re huge, but also pretty great if you’re out with friends and sharing. What’s weird is that they manage to compliment and insult Chicago pizza at the same time. I’m not even mad at that. That’s pretty impressive.

One of the biggest things I learned when I took a few debate classes in college is that using the definition of something in an argument is one of the worst ways to debate something. Both sides already know the argument, so when you are in a debate about it, having someone define what you’re talking about is strange.

“For the record: Real pizza is round and flat, with melted mozzarella atop the sauce.” (NY Post)

When I think of pizza, I think of it as a signature. The fact that places all around America have a different “style” of pizza is what makes pizza so amazing. You can go to any Mom and Pop pizza place and it will be different than the other pizza places you ordered from. That’s the experience you want with pizza. If every pizza tastes the same, there’s no point in trying anything out. If I want to go to Rome, I won’t stop at an American fast food restaurant while I’m there. I know what it tastes like, but I want to try other stuff. Pizza can be a cultural pillar in every city. Speaking of another city, Las Vegas seemed to enjoy Detroit-style.

“Detroit-style pizza won the 2012 Las Vegas International Pizza Expo. Don’t they know that what happens in Vegas is supposed to stay in Vegas?”

It really gets weird when the opinion goes so far as to insult people who enjoy the pizza. We’re talking about pizza, we aren’t talking about the crime rate or the disaster that happened in Flint:

“No, Detroit pizza isn’t topped with bullets,” blubber its fans to Big Apple traditionalists. Hmm: Let’s hope the dough’s not made with Flint River water.”

Pizza is a signature of where you’re from. Everyone from the poorest of the poor to the richest of the rich have enjoyed a piece of pizza. Pizza is the universal food that everyone can have a crack at when they make it. I’ll stick with my Detroit-style and you can stick with your favorite style. If you put any slice of pizza in front of me I will probably eat it.

(Via NY Post)

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Jeff Sorensen is an author, writer and occasional comedian living in Detroit, Michigan. You can look for more of his work on The Huffington Post, UPROXX, BGR and by just looking up his name.

Contact: jeff@socialunderground.com