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For the last 8 months, I’ve been laboring over the best method in which to officially, definitively, and unbiasedly resolve and pronounce the better boob look: the Overboob Look or the Underboob Look. After many sleepless nights spent caressing and analyzing supermodel boobs up close and personal in my king size bed which overlooks the Mediterranean Sea (aka research), I finally realized the method – pin the looks against each other in a 5-round head-to-head visual battle of the titans.

For the battle format I’m going to present 5 picture-to-picture match-ups of Overboobs vs. Underboobs. We’re going to let the boobs battle it out, and I will accompany the match-ups with LIVE action commentary. By the end of the 5 rounds, I am confident that we’ll finally know which boob look is the winner and, thus, which boob look you can definitively rock on the daily to hopefully one day get a rock (if you know what I mean ;-). Along the way, I have a feeling we’re also going to uncover some other great tips you ladies can use to spruce up your look and make sure your man actually looks away from the TV when he talks to you.

Without further ado, let’s get to it, let’s find an answer to this historic debate, and let’s throw away your old raggedy self for the hotter better version of you by finding which boob look is better.

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Round #1: Shy Girl vs. Timid Girl

We are kicking off our historic Overboob vs. Underboob night of bouts with a match-up that I love. Not only do we have too very unassuming women pinned against each other, I also think this matchup really shows what some good boobage can do for your confidence level and love life.

Here on the left we have Maryna Linchuk who is representing Team Overboob. She is obviously very shy and clearly even a little insecure, but she stands strong in her white and pink lingerie combo which comes across nicely. She is matched up against the girl on the right who is representing Team Underboob and is obviously very timid and lacks confidence as well. If it wasn’t for their boobs displayed so prominently, I’m sure you’d see all the insecurities that these women clearly have. That’s what so encouraging about this match-up – it shows that the way you position your boobs can really change your disposition for the better, and men will notice. Take note and choose wisely.

So now the decision, which boob-look make these equally insecure girls look more confident and ready to get down and dirty? In this case, I gotta go with Ms. Timid on the right representing Team Underboob! It’s hard to beat the underboob + jean short combo. I’m pretty sure just about every guy on the planet wants to fondle those perky spheres even if they are fake. And I’m pretty sure any guy will want to fondle your melons if you can sport even a fraction of this look. What a great first round taken by the Underboob Look.

Score: Overboobs 0 to Underboobs 1

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Round #2: Typical Soccer Mom vs. Typical Soccer Mom

For round 2 we have a typical soccer mom on the left going up against another typical soccer mom on the right. I’m so thankful we found such ordinary soccer moms to volunteer for this momentous standoff!

It’s a close battle between the boob displays, so we have to dig deeper for this one. The only difference between these two typical soccer moms that I can see is how hard these two are willing to work. You can tell that the typical soccer mom on the left loves her kids and is there to support them and scream encouragement even if they suck. The typical soccer mom on the right is obviously there to do the same. However, typical mom #2 has clearly gone the extra mile and has volunteered to play line judge. She has even gotten a little dirty doing it. Bravo #2! You’re a great example for aspiring moms everywhere. Also, take note, ladies, because those referee uniforms look really great. Totally vogue. You might want to consider getting one to wear around the house on your day off. They are so much better than baggy, frumpy sweatpants, I can assure you.

So now the decision. For this round, the differing boob-looks ultimately manifested in a different energy which is reflected in the commitment of the soccer moms themselves. So the winner is…. extra-hard working, typical, dirty soccer mom! Alright! Everyone say it with me – Way to go Mom!!! And way to take home another round for the Underboob contingent.

Score: Overboobs 0 to Underboobs 2

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Round #3: Blue Eyed Stunner vs. Brown Eyed Bombshell

Some guys like blue eyes, and some guys like brown eyes. But one thing all guys like is boobs. That’s why I love this round #3 Overboob vs. Underboob match-up – it takes eye color completely out of the equation so we can focus on which boob look is authentically the best. #iLikeBrownEyes

We have Blue Eyed Stunner on the left representing Team Overboob. She’s sporting Armani underwear and a sultry look. I like. She’s pinned against our home-grown Brown Eyed Bombshell on the right representing Team Underboob. She’s basically in the process of getting undressed which I like, too. As always is the case with rating babes based on only one photo, we men are really good at it. In this case, however, the result is going to have to be a split decision because let’s face it – any time a guy sees any part of your boobs he’s gonna love you all the more regardless. Girls, you might want to keep that in mind next time you’re at the bar and you can’t find someone to take you home.

Now the decision. As always, this is a tough one, but I’ve tallied the score cards and I am pleased to announce that the winner of this round goes to…..……….…. home-grown Brown Eyed Bombshell on the right representing Team Underboob! (oh, and clearly this girl is super sweet and kind which is tooootallly not important but it’s always great to see the nice ones win). Way to go #2 for practically taking off your clothes and, more importantly, taking home the win for the Team Underboob and all us guys in the brown eyed camp. #nobias

Score: Overboobs 0 to Underboobs 3

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Round #4: Normal Housewife vs. Normal Housewife

For round #4 we have another very special match-up. We found two very normal housewives and asked them to go head to head for the sake of ending this man debate once and for all. Let’s give a giant round-of-applause for these two normal housewives who didn’t even take the time to dress up or do their hair. I love the natural looks!

Housewife #1 (on the left) is representing Team Overboob. She looks like she just got out of bed after I got home from slaving away to make enough money to pay for her expensive bed sheets (which I don’t care about) and her designer purse purchases (which I don’t care about, either). Housewife #2 (on the right) is representing Team Underboob. She looks like she has been working all day to make our house spotless. I gotta say, ladies, I think I speak for all men when I say we have a special place in our hearts for women who clean up after our messes and never complain. That’s definitely a life lesson to put in your bra strap for a future date.

Ok, so I must tangent here and say something else that is soooo important. And this is a personal tangent but definitely worth sharing. Any girl that is like Housewife #2 (on the right), is what I call a “Proverb 31 Woman.” This nickname is inspired by the account given by Solomon of a woman in Proverbs 31 in the Old Testament of the Bible. Look it up and read his account and I think you’ll see that the resemblance is striking. Bravo, Solomon. You nailed it! Gals, trust me when I say that becoming a Proverb 31 Woman should definitely be on your bucket list.

Now to the cards. Both of these typical housewives are extremely sexy, and I’m pretty sure I’d let both of them sleep in my bed and clean my house any time they wanted whether on the same night or alternate evenings. And yet, a decision must be made, so the winner is [DRUMROLL] the hardworking, Proverbs 31 housewife on the right representing Team Underboob! Ladies, I hope you’re taking notes and reading between the lines. There is a reason Team Underboob continues its boob domination, and it’s more than nipple deep.

Score: Overboobs 0 to Underboobs 4

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Round #5: Nina Agdal vs. Nina Agdal (Match of the Millennia)

Oh my gawd. I mean really. Oh. My. Gawwwwd. I never thought we’d see a matchup like this. Really, never. The final and definitive round of our historic contest is Nina Agdal vs. Nina Agdal. Match of the Millennia indeed!



Before I get into my analysis, I can’t say enough about this match-up. This round #5 Over vs. Under bout clearly rivals the famous Fischer vs. Byrne match of ‘56. It’s that exciting and unexpected. I’m sure we’ll be talking about it for decades to come. I mean really, put these two babes in mud pit and I’m sure it’d get more Pay Per View buys than the upcoming Pacquiao-Mayweather fight. Nothing but “WOW” and sophisticated captivation here. It’s a perfect contest that I can’t say enough about. What. A. Matchup!!

Um, ok, so this matchup is so amazing that I’m actually speechless, drooling, and without any ability to analyze. So I’m just gonna make a rash albeit confident decision. The smile wins me over. The Underboob look wins again making it a clean sweep!

Final Score: Overboobs 0 to Underboobs 5

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So there you have it world. The answer men (and women, although they didn’t know it) have been searching for for centuries – the Underboob Look is greater than the Overboob Look! In addition to this groundbreaking decision, I’m also pleased with how much ground we covered in this article about other ways “to be a better woman.” Ladies, the results are clear and they have implications far beyond just a boob look:

If you want to be the hottest woman possible and if you want to be a woman worth marrying and staying with, then you need to be a timid and a hard working soccer mom who isn’t afraid to volunteer and get muddy, wear brown contact lenses if you don’t have deep brown eyes, stop buying designer purses with your man’s credit card, scrub the house every day from top to bottom, smile, never complain, have boobs as perfect as Nina Agdal, make sure your name is Nina Agdal, and when I come home from work just be naked because that’s really the best way to impress me, Adam Dunlap, and pretty much every man out there. Thank you in advance, Nina!

BUT, and I say BUT because I understand that’s asking a lot, BUT if for any reason you can’t do some or all of the above, then consider your easy fallback as simply rocking the Underboob Look. What we’ve found today is the Underboob Look IS definitively the best look for you! It will help you discover who you are, it will help you become more confident, and it will overall take you a long, long way to landing and keeping the man of your dreams.

That’s the end of this article. Thank you everyone for reading! I’m really excited to now be writing for a female audience as I know I have so much to impart on all of you. In my next article, I’ll discuss whether it’s more attractive let your nipples show through your shirt or to keep them covered. I’m leaning towards, “Yes, of course, let them show!”, but we’ll break it down and go into detail so you gals can know why and how to apply it.

Wishing you all a great week!