Following the release of the 50 Shades of Gray, the BDSM has become much more known at the social level. Nowadays, many women and men are dying to feel in their own skin what this practice can offer. But, like all fashions, it is sometimes done badly and quickly, eventually disappointing the person or, even worse, provoking serious physical and psychological consequences. It is not easy to find one's half of life in general and all the more complicated to have a loyal dominated or a stern dominant partner.

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This is not the type of question we ask someone on the street. This mission is entrusted to specialized dating sites where people with unusual sexual fantasies and desires can find a suitable interlocutor and partner.

Sometimes dom/sub dating sites also include blogs where users share their experience and illustrate it with photos relating to the dominant or submissive relationship. At first, we must bear in mind that BDSM is a practice of intensity and limits. Therefore, it can offer the best sensations in the world.

Conversely, it can also produce the worst sensations, if you do not know how to manage it and how to get into this world in a healthy, safe and progressive way.

What’s Dom and Sub

Before listing the ways to find a dom, we will explain what's dom and sub. A Dom wants dominance during sex while a sub mainly prefers to be submissive, i.e., be dominated during sex-this explains the fact that one needs to determine if whether they are a Dom or Sub. If you go for a Dom and you are one, you won't find what you are looking for and likewise for a sub to sub relationship.

Dom sub relationship is part of the broader BDSM Lifestyle (Bondage and Discipline, Submission, and Masochism). In contrary to how many associate BDSM lifestyle to the ropes, chain, and slavery as portrayed on ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ by Christian Grey, these relationships go way beyond that. In such links, one partner has more power hence the dominant party. Being the sub has nothing to do with economic, social, or political factors-it is all about the desire for inequality during sex.

Both the Dom and sub have their roles. Some of the traits of the Dom include taking control, being responsible, prioritizing their desires, and demanding obedience. On the other hand, the sub should exhibit a willingness to please the Dom, accept being controlled, and put their partners' needs first. The couples can decide to switch these roles to spice up their experience interchangeably. Most people do not realize the advantages that these relationships bring along. First and foremost, they increase intimacy, reduce anxiety, encourage fidelity, reduce anxiety, and psychological stress.

setting out for such a relationship, several basic rules need set for it to work out. Some of these guidelines for the couples include open-mindedness, honesty, humility, excellent communication, patience, honesty, just but to name a few. Next time, don't mistake Dom sub relationships for slavery and understand that the sexual life of such couples incorporates power play. If both the sub and Dom are willingly participating in the relationship, it works out perfectly.

Beware of abusers

BDSM is the ideal place for abusers. They can camouflage themselves perfectly and take advantage of those who do not know the relationships within this world. There are many girls who have ended up with psychological problems because they have a sexual relationship with someone who know how to be dom. And yes, we can include Mr. Gray here. But how can we differentiate an abuser? And, for the record, we speak in masculine terms because the heterosexual man is the one who predominates in this profile. But here, feminine women and homosexual men are included.

Most dominants are people who do not know what to do with someone in total safety. If you want to fully immerse yourself in BDSM and you want to find a person that allows you to experiment, you should run away from all those who believe that domination is to force.

If you are looking for a dom and you want to be the submissive, you can not do anything if your partner does not tell you. You can not sleep with anyone and you can only talk to him/her. If you limit yourself and ask for obedience from the beginning, it is that you do not know how to do BDSM. If you do not ask about your limits, run away. A dominant cannot do anything if they do not have the limits of the other person.

If you're looking for a sub... If, on the contrary, you are a dominant person who seeks submissive, you must be careful with obsessive people. There are many submissive, especially male, who are very obsessive and want constant attention. That person is not prepared for submission. In the case of submissive, that insecurity is usually perceived through victimhood.

The importance of aftercare

What happens after a BDSM session is magical – or, we expect it to be so. It is something known as aftercare. The aftercare is all that comes after the session - fondling or just talking. That can last from 10 minutes to two weeks depending on the level you experienced with that person.

However, if your dog does not talk to you about aftercare, you can run away. This is something vital.

Social networks and meetings

Once it is clear how to find that person safely, it's time to get going. But, where do you start? There are social networks and fetish sites that facilitate meetings. In them, you can meet and chat with people related to you, your tastes and needs. In this way, you can discover this unconventional sexuality and all that it encompasses.

Another option is the meetings. We advise meeting your prospective partners outside of the BDSM premises. This is because, in this way, one can talk about the philosophy and it can be a way to introduce oneself gradually. Before going to a party, you can make hangouts in bars to know. As a tip, before you trust a person who is either dominant or submissive, you can turn to the group for advice and input, especially when you are a new person on the ground.

In fact, there is the role of teacher or protector, who within the BDSM dating site is the person who directs, advises and helps you in all this.

Finally, it is important to read – but not the 50 Shades of Gray. There are books that explain the real philosophy of BDSM. We recommend John Warren's "The Loving Dominant", Tiffany Reisz's "The Siren" and the BDSM books, which can be downloaded for free online.

So, how did you find your BDSM partner? We are waiting for your free contact!