Name: Yes we did.

Age: Newly minted.

Appearance: Three little words.

What do they mean? They’re a sort of past-tense version of “Yes we can.”

Shouldn’t the past tense of “Yes we can” be “Yes we could”? That’s why I said “sort of”. “Yes we did” was a rhetorical device employed by President Barack Obama in his farewell speech in Chicago.

To what end? To demonstrate how many of the promises implied by the slogan “Yes we can” actually came to pass during his eight years in office.

Did he give any examples? Ending the recession, securing marriage equality and bringing health insurance to 20 million people.

Wow. Did we do all that? Yes we did.

It’s weird, because sometimes I feel as though I haven’t actually done that much. You haven’t – you were no help at all. That’s what I mean by a rhetorical device.

Don’t confuse me. Can I have some more examples of what we’ve achieved? We also shut down Iran’s nuclear programme, killed Osama bin Laden and normalised relations with Cuba.

Did we not also just elect a bloated orange clown to be the next president of the United States? Um, yes we did.

And has that clown not vowed to reverse most, if not all, of those aforementioned accomplishments? Well, yes he has. He can’t unkill Bin Laden, though.

No, I suppose not. How did the crowd react to Obama’s stirring oration? They chanted “Four more years!”

Great idea. Can he do that? No he can’t.

What else did Obama say? He issued a stark warning about allowing “political dialogue to become so corrosive that people of good character aren’t even willing to enter into public service.”

Amen. And “so coarse with rancour that Americans with whom we disagree are seen, not just as misguided, but as malevolent”.

I’m going to miss Obama. He was so wise. True. But if we work together, we can shape a future that honours his legacy.

Really? No. I don’t even know why I said that. I’m so depressed.

Do say: “By almost every measure, America is a better, stronger place than it was when we started.”

Don’t say: “Oh no we didn’t!”