Michael J. Matheron, August 8, 2017

Scaramucci also told me that, unlike other senior officials, he had no interest in media attention.

‘I’m not Steve Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own cock,’ he said, speaking of Trump’s chief strategist.”

-Lizza, Ryan, Anthony Scaramucci Called Me to Unload About White House Leakers,

Reince Priebus, and Steve Bannon, New Yorker, July 27, 2017

Mr. Lizza added, parenthetically, “Bannon declined to comment.” Most everyone else has chimed in, although euphemistic chiming is in fashion. Slate’s Culture Blog, offered a compendium of the media dismay about directly quoting Scaramucci’s cock-filled language describing something that almost every one of us wishes we were supple enough to physically accomplish.

I don’t want to support Mr. Scaramucci, yet he did leave a big whopper of a question up in the air: Can Mr. Bannon suck his own cock?

Rhetorically, he has done so, many times per day. Once he asked, perhaps seriously, “Would you rather your child have feminism or cancer?” Now that’s a cock sucker of a question and I challenge anyone to gainsay me. He also reminisced, “I come from a blue-collar, Irish Catholic, pro-Kennedy, pro-union family of Democrats,” and only a cock sucker could start out with those pretty good demographics and wind up as Steve Bannon, Satan’s doppelgänger.

One good thing about his self-styled persona, though, he considers himself to be “the Thomas Cromwell in the house of the Tudors.” Though honored by many, Cromwell was, like Bannon, a contriver who easily cast aside those who crossed him, or became useless to his aims, which unlike Bannon’s were to encourage reform of government, not to champion its utter dissolution. To the extent that Cromwell’s head awakened one day in 1540 to find itself on the business end of a spike on London Bridge, perhaps Cromwell’s a good mentor for Mr. B?

Finally, as if to invite a rhetorical spike, the Bannonista vomited this on an unfortunate Hollywood Reporter writer: “I’m not a white nationalist, I’m a nationalist. I’m an economic nationalist.” Stevie boy, the terms are equivalent.

As with most runaway trains, the Bannon Express has no brakes, so he rolled on:

“Darkness is good. Dick Cheney. Darth Vader. Satan. That’s power. It only helps us when they (liberals and the media) get it wrong. When they’re blind to who we are and what we’re doing.”

Stevie boy, we know what you’re up to. That’s why the word “resistance” and “counter-revolution” have become as ubiquitous as “Bannon’s an asshole.”

At any rate, including light speed, Bannon’s slobbered many words, often placing them willy-nilly in what sometimes turn out to be sentences. He’s a man of action. Crackpot action is, you must admit, action of a sort. He doesn’t enjoy in the least being insulted as some have done when he compares himself to Lenin. Admittedly many think of John Lennon, but (counter intuitively) that irritates him, so steeped is he in idiotic political theories that are totally unoriginal, detested, outmoded, and shared only by occupants of sanitariums and the White House, although I repeat myself.

Just don’t mess with Steve Bannon. That’s his rep. And as for Anthony Scaramucci’s suggestion that Mr. B. cannot suck his own cock, well, Scaramooch crossed the Rubicon with that one. And the Mooch is no Julius Caesar. It turns out it wasn’t wise to challenge Mr. Steven Bannon, who rhetorically sucks his own cock regularly, pretty much anytime he talks, or yawns. None of us, however, expected what occurred earlier today when Mr. B. surprised Sarah Huckabee Sanders – as staunch an anti-cock sucking spokesperson as ever there was – and the entire white House press corps, who are quite neutral on the topic and ready, as news reporters, to be surprised and amazed. Today was their day.

In the interest of getting this story out quicker than any of my colleagues, I dispense with the so-called “set up.” Suffice: Into the briefing room Mr. Bannon strode walking right through Sarah Huckabee Sanders as if she were not there, wordlessly dropped trousers, and accomplished something I would never have believed such a portly individual with no visible muscles or coordination could accomplish without the aid of a mechanical device. I will not describe what I witnessed. However, I did produce an audio recording that I believe will point you in the right direction, and be forever a cause for Anthony Scaramucci’s embarrassment, which he actually does not yet appear to recognize as among the human emotional skill set.

Set your volume controls to about 35-40, click on, and give a listen:

Having completed his demonstration, Mr. Bannon turned to acknowledge the raucous applause, bowed cordially, re-trousered, and simply said,

“Do not mess with Steve Bannon. For when you mess with Steve Bannon, you are messing with Thomas Cromwell.”

I certainly shall not mess with either man, now that I know our nation is in four such good hands.

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