It’s a dark night in late January of 1983, a young Guy Fieri is in his room, crying yet again because of the lack of seasoning in his family’s dinner. All he wants is flavor. Since he was a boy he craved it, thirsted for it. After his first experience with it, he could not get the taste off his mind. Nothing but that sweet elixir would again give him that pleasure, that erotic culinary sensation he felt in every nerve of his body. But for the time being, he had nothing but boiled chicken and salt to satiate his hunger.

Guy walks down stairs, looking at the ground, hiding his face; his tears. Flavor is not the way of his family, which is ironic given the way he first experienced it. But nevertheless, he remains hidden, grabs his father’s car keys from the kitchen counter, and sneaks out the back door. Guy decides he is done. His desire for flavor can no longer be silenced. He runs to the edge of the driveway where his father’s red 1976 Chevy Camaro SS Convertible is parked. Guy gets in and starts the car. He feels the engine running beneath him, the car shaking, his seat vibrating...the very bottom of his scrotum throbs slightly with every subtle thrust of the car beneath him.

He takes a moment to calm down his slowly growing erection. Breathing slower and relaxing the now rigid muscles in his pelvis. He begins his drive. After about five minutes he arrives at the nearest store, and proceeds to enter the aisle labelled “Spices and Oriental Food”. Being that this is only his second experience with flavor, he decides to stay out of oriental food in order to avoid a full on meth bender. He peruses the aisle filled with a variety of herbs and spices. Guy is overwhelmed. Just being surrounded by all this flavor is causing his erection to return. His penis throbs in ways he’s never felt before. He feels his pelvis pulsating from the mere possibility of enjoying the smell, let alone the taste of any of these mysterious products.

Eventually, a man walks into the aisle. Although he is quite short and plump, he has a sexual allure to him, an appeal which Guy had previously only identified in foods. Guy is entranced by this man, and is drawn towards him..almost as if his erection is pulling him towards the slick black haired sex god. Guy stumbles over, and notices the man pick up a jar of Lawry’s Salt. Guy knows this is his chance, he runs to the shelf where he “accidentally” bumps into the man.

“Sir...what’s that you’ve grabbed from the shelf?”

The man looks up at him. Guy notices his eyes, so powerful, a deep shade a brown nearly matching that of the dark colored seasoning in between his thick fingers and sweat glistened palms.

“It’s Lawry’s Salt kid, haven’t you had it before?”

Guy becomes nervous. “Has everyone had this Lawry’s Salt” he asks himself.

“Umm...no...I haven’t”

The man smiles almost sensually, causing Guy to blush.

“Well here” he says as he passes Guy his own jar. “I’ll buy you a can and you can try it.”

His hands brush against Guy’s. A wave of erotic passion washes over Guy’s body and he feels it exit the swelled, pulsating tip of his erection. The man pretends not to notice, and offers him a ride home.

“I can’t go home.” Guy says knowing that if he is caught with seasoning, worse will happen than a life without it.

“Okay.” The man replies. “You can come to my place and try the salt and I can take you home in the morning.

Guy knows he shouldn’t go anywhere with strangers, but it’s the man’s strange allure which draws him in more. His undergarments were getting awfully sticky, and he could feel it soaking the tip of his penis in an uncomfortable grasp of unseasoned brogurt. He agrees to go with the man.

The two check out, and proceed to enter the man’s car.

“What’s your name.” The man asked. One hand on the steering wheel, the other slowly inching towards Guys seat. He feels his anal muscles contract. His body seems to be preparing himself for something, but he wasn’t sure what. Before he could give it anymore thought he felt the man’s thick meaty fingers caress his inner thigh.

“Is this okay?” The man asked.

“Yes.” Guy replied, struggling to fight off another erection. “My name is Guy.”

“I’m Danny, Danny Devito.”

The rest of the ride was spent in silence. Danny’s hand gripped Guy’s ripe thigh, and Guy’s hand over his pelvis, trying to prevent another incident.

Danny pulled into a driveway, put the car in park, and turned off the engine. The radio hummed quietly in the background, but Danny’s heavy barbarian breaths nearly drowned the sound completely. He turned toward Guy and removed his glasses, but before folding the arms, stuck one into Guys mouth.

Guy did not know how to respond. The grease from Danny’s hair and the sweat from his forehead had trickled onto the arm of the glasses, and he tasted every drop as Danny thrusted it further into his mouth.

Danny removed the glasses and threw them into the back seat. He turned to the dash board, and turned up the volume. Clearly the music made him feel more confident as he immediately unbuckled and lept over to Guy’s seat. He was amazingly nimble for someone of his size. He removed Guy’s hand from over his growing erection and replaced it with his own. Clenching and releasing until once again Guy’s erection had returned. Danny proceeded to unzip Guy’s pants, and remove them. Guys unshaven wang was bare, he was open, vulnerable, at the mercy of the hands and mouth of Danny Devito.

Danny grasped the boy’s penis between his lips and began bobbing up and down. Guy couldn't help but to thrust into Danny’s oral cavity, letting out a yelp of pleasure between each push. Danny felt the start of the ejaculation against the back of his throat and removed the penis from his mouth with expert speed, placing onto the top of his bald gleaming head, which then became covered in Guy’s second load of ejaculate for the night. Danny looked up at Guy who was still panting with his hands behind his head, and said to him the three words that every virgin wants to hear:

“Slurp it up.”

Guy bent over and puckered his lips over Danny’s scalp, and began sucking. Just as he suspected, it tasted like nothing. The creamy liquid was completely bland, and the taste just made him yearn for Danny’s flavorful schlong juices so much more.

“Do you want to take a ride?” Danny says to him

“Where are we going?” Guy asks eagerly

Danny moves to the back seat, rolls over onto his back and removes his pants to reveal his pulsating erection. He looked Guy directly in the eyes and said:

“Flavor Town”

Guy leaps to the back seat where Danny proceeded to lift him up, lubricate his own erection with the remainder of Guy’s semen on his forehead, and place him down. Danny lifts him up and down at a speed Guy fears is greater than he can take. Guy can feel his flesh giving out. The pleasure he feels internally seems to match the discomfort he feels externally. He screams as the final seam of his anus tears, a single tear running down his face. Danny removes his penis from the boy’s rectum, and proceeds to turn him around. He looks at Guy - into his eyes and sees them tearing up. This prompts him to place his penis into Guy’s mouth, where his erection continues to grow bigger and bigger until he yells:

“YOU’RE TAKING THE GOBBLE FULL THROTTLE”

And releases a load of seminal fluid into Guy’s throat.

Guy comes up from the gob job. His eyes full of water, his heart full of grief, for he realizes his greatest fear was true. Danny’s load had not taken him to flavor town. In fact, he visited well salted province at best. Guy opened the back passenger door and ran out. He screamed in anger. The only way his hunger would ever be satiated, the only way he would ever satisfy his taste buds is to revert to his original method. Back to his first experience with flavor. He had to go home to his family. Go home to his dad. Go home to his one and only flavor god.

Guy wiped the tears from his eyes, removes his clothes, and walked until he reached his doorstep. Anal blood dripping onto the porch, he rang the bell, and waited for his dad to answer.

The door creaks open, and his dad sees him. He begins to tear up. His dad steps out to join him on the porch. Guy proceeds to hand him the jar of Lawry’s Salt and says, voice quivering:

“The only bus I want to ride to flavor town is yours, your sauce is money, seasoned or unseasoned, I’m yours.”

His dad took him inside, where they entered his room, and made passionate, passionate butt love late into the night.

23 Years Later:

Guys passion for flavor had been nurtured all these years by the semen of his father, but he was ready yet again to set out on his own flavor pursuit. On November 4th, 2006 the first episode of his flavor hunt aired on television, and ever since, the show has followed him around on his never ending hunt for “flavor”.





