No, I’m not making this up. There really is a place named Belchertown and apparently the library there hates Jesus Christ:

The Sept. 8 order issued by the Library Board of Trustees warns Jesus Christ will be subject to criminal charges if he appears in the library again. Jesus Christ said Tuesday he has contacted a lawyer and is planning to sue the public library for discrimination. Interviewed in his apartment, which is less than a half-mile away from the town library, Jesus Christ said that all he can conclude is he is being targeted by the library because of who he is. “I’m black, I’m transsexual and my name is Lord Jesus Christ,” he said.

Do they have a picture of Jesus Christ? You damn well better believe they do:

So just what did Jesus do to get himself banned?

He said Jesus is always asking staff at the desk and other patrons for tissues, pencils or other things. “Often times he would try to put himself in the personal space of others,” he said. If someone was at the desk talking to the librarian, Jesus Christ would cut in front of the person and begin asking the librarian questions, Maloney said. “He was very rude,” Maloney said. Maloney said he talked to Jesus Christ several times about his manners, and he would be fine for a day or two and then it would start all over again. “We did the best we could. The library is not a place we want to kick people out of,” he said. Asked how many people have been banned in his 21 years as director, Maloney said “Lord Jesus Christ is the first – and I suppose I’m going to burn in hell because of it.”

Indeed you are, Maloney. Indeed you are.