When we feel trapped, we dream of freedom. But what does ‘freedom’ even mean?

You might imagine a life sipping cocktails on the beach or flying to exotic destinations on a whim. Maybe having the ability to sleep around or stop going to work or living debt-free.

These things can seem appealing if we feel stifled by our partners or our job or our financial situation. But once the novelty wears off, it quickly becomes clear that these definitions of freedom are somewhat shallow.

Does that mean seeking to be free is a shallow pursuit? Or do we just need to change how we see it?

My misconceptions about freedom

When I was in my late teens, I thought about freedom a lot. And I wanted it. I couldn’t have told you what a ‘free life’ actually looked like, yet I lusted over this elusive concept.

Pursuing freedom for freedom’s sake can take you to some dark places. If you think about it hard enough, you can convince yourself that you need to be free from everything. I resisted serious relationships and a serious career path because it all just seemed so oppressive. Instead, I wanted to be free.

I thought freedom meant being able to do whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted to do it, without ever having to worry about limitations or obligations. It’s not surprising, considering the top dictionary definition I found defines freedom as follows:

“The absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action.”

But it’s impossible to be free from all constraints. Would a life without responsibilities even be fulfilling?

Freedom is discipline

Instead of pursuing this immature definition of freedom, we should figure out what matters to us and impose limits that bring us closer to those priorities.

The first time I realized that freedom is discipline, I thought I was being original and profound; soon afterward, I discovered that some Navy Seal called Jocko Willink had beaten me to it and was already touting the idea.

I never thought I’d have much in common with a military leader, but it turns out we agree on something. Willink summed up the idea as follows:

“If you want financial freedom, you have to have financial discipline. If you want more free time, you have to follow a more disciplined time management system … if you want more freedom, get more discipline.”

For me, this was a huge mindset shift. I went from thinking freedom meant an absence of restrictions to realizing that freedom is the ability to choose your own restrictions.

This applies to almost every area of life — at the very least, placing restrictions on yourself will give you greater freedom in your time and thinking. For instance, being in an exclusive relationship may at first appear to infringe on your freedom, because you can no longer flirt and sleep with whoever you want.

Yet restricting yourself in this way means that you’re no longer preoccupied with constantly searching for the next fling or partner.

Equally, restricting yourself to never drinking alcohol frees up your time for other activities and stops you being enslaved by your hangover.

Freedom isn’t libertarianism

Freedom isn’t the absence of all constraints, as I originally thought. It’s the absence of externally imposed constraints. This has implications for society as well as individuals.

‘Freedom’ has become inextricably linked with the ideology of libertarianism: small government, minimal economic intervention, and consumer choice. The USA is the ‘land of the free’ after all.

But no-constraints freedom is even harder to achieve on a societal level — all we can do is swap one type of freedom for another. When the government infringes on our freedom by collecting taxes, it could use that money on public infrastructure like roads, giving citizens the freedom to travel around the country.

Libertarian ideologies are intuitively appealing, but it’s hard to claim that they’re logically coherent.

The bottom line

If we should focus on discipline rather than getting rid of all constraints, why do we long for the latter so often?

It’s a natural reaction to feeling like there are too many external constraints in your life that you’re not in direct control of.

Maybe you dislike your job but must continue slaving away because you need money. It’s tempting to quit the job, take the money, and escape to the other side of the world. In reality, a more sustainable solution would be to rebuild a life with more consciously chosen restrictions.

In my experience, a strong desire for freedom is rarer amongst those who are living life on their own terms and who feel fully in control of their fate.

I’ve learned the hard way that focusing on freedom is a recipe for disaster.

But, if you do find yourself daydreaming about ‘packing it all in’ to ‘get your freedom back’, you’d do well to remember that freedom is discipline. Instead of trying to remove all constraints, focus on building constraints that will help you achieve a better life.