I Hate Mitt Romney.

I loathe this man with every fiber of my being. All the reasons I hate him:

For being perceived as the “smart one” just because he is not batshit crazy when in reality he is the biggest fool on the stage. For being ultra-conservative on women’s issues despite appearing to want to make the Mormon church more progressive on that front. For his “being-a-businessman-will-make-me-a-great-president” claim, when his job description at The Evil Empire of Bain Capitol was job slashing (to his delight, apparently), factory shuttering, and moving production overseas (see also: clashing with union workers, serving on the board of a company that ran afoul of federal laws, and loading up already struggling companies with debt). For enjoying shitcanning people and ruining their lives because those shortsighted poors don’t have $250 million to fall back on. For tearing down a $12 million hovel in La Jolla where his family was crammed into like toes bursting out of a ragged pair of hobo socks and slapping up a bigger mansion only to claim he’s “one of us”. For contradicting his own faith by citing “traditional marriages” as being between a man and a woman (followed by another woman, then followed by a third woman…and then maybe a fourth…then a fifth…). I hate this smirking cowardly, blundering careerist/predator capitalist trying to pass himself off as a businessman and a political outsider who reluctantly joined the presidential race to save his country. I hate him for making a virtue out of not being a “career politician”, his “emotion-free crisis management,” and for strapping Seamus to the roof of the family station wagon.

I hate the way he looks and acts, the stench of his cologne that I can smell through my teevee, and how his sideburn hair gets increasingly whiter with each debate – temple-greying must poll well with focus groups. I hate him for having no idea about state authority, civil vs sacramental marriages and saying, “I don’t know let’s ask the Constitutionalist”, and that he thinks Ron Paul is a constitutionalist. For pandering to conservative “Christians” and for touting himself as a moral beacon because he has 67 kids, yet spent $100,000 scrubbing old emails and trashing hard drives. And for saying to Huntsman that serving country first means “standing for people who believe in conservative principles”.

I hate him for his offensive, disingenuous China bashing, when in fact he takes all his marching orders from the moneyed classes and his financial backers will make damn sure that his actual policies reflect their interests (going guns blazing at China is an easy way for a private equity gazillionaire to earn some populist credibility in states hit hardest by the decline in manufacturing, appealing to the nativist-minded voter who might otherwise be wary of the gazillionaire former Bain CEO from Massachusetts, aka La Jolla mansion expansionist). Since nothing the Republicans are proposing departs from the Supply-Side/Starve the Beast/Magical Thinking that got us here, blaming the Chinese for it seems god-awfully stupid.

I hate him for saying the stupid sentence:”Clamping down on China that’s been cheating”, and that “China is hacking into our computers to steal our jobs”. This would have never happened if crooked American CEO’s didn’t give it to them, in order to leverage off-shore manufacturing. I hate him for being too stupid to understand how much money the corporations are making in China, which is surprising since after all, it’s all about the “corporations”. Mitt Romney’s approach to China trade is like his approach to politics and high finance and everything else — whatever benefits him most at the time.

I hate him for accusing President Obama of not speaking up enough on behalf of the troops, when just about every time the President speaks, he pays tribute to the military in glowing terms and acknowledges their sacrifice, and he has the nerve – having evaded the draft by going on a Mormon missionary junket, staying in a palace in France, and taking educational deferments to attend BYU and Harvard Business School – now to grumble that too few families are “paying the price of freedom.” When is he going to release his tax returns, so we can all see how much he’s been paying for freedom? Jon Huntsman’s two sons are in the Navy, whereas Romney’s five obscenely strapping sons are tooling around the country a pimped-out, luxury RV (see below), which is somehow analogous to risking one’s life in the Middle East. The Romney boys serve their country the best way obscenely rich people could: on an endless political campaign completely devoid of any substance or meaning beyond the eternal candidates’ ambition to finally win something. Because this is what American democracy is all about: Rich jackasses buying offices to honor their family’s tradition and financial interests and bolster their own shallow egos. Let the paupers bleed and die on the empire’s battlefields, or struggle to pay their mortgages juggling three jobs, because the well-paying ones got shipped overseas by financial predators like Bain Capital – no, he’s got loftier, nobler things to do…watch out for generations of Romney legacy candidates to litter the U.S.

So, what is there to say about a political party that they are willing to nominate a person who: Is thought of as a heretic by half their party. Is thought of as too liberal by half the party. Whose biggest claim to fame is O’Romeycare and running the Olympics (which, less face it, is just to the left of the UN). And whose only other noted accomplishment is destroying good paying jobs so that he and his preppy elite could line their fancy pockets while doing absolutely no work at all? Given this field, with he and Huntsman the only clinically sane ones in the bunch and absolutely unwanted by the GOP base, it’s really quite amazing that so many Americans still vote Republican. I’m not saying half the American people are stupid, I’m saying half the population isn’t stupid. The average IQ is about 100, same as anywhere else in the world.

The mainframe of the blue-screened PC that is the candidate makes it pretty clear that it isn’t going to be a campaign based on personality like Reagan’s was. Maybe he will bring in a crazy loon (Marco Rubio) like Nixon did to add some spice to the ticket. I guess it all boils down to which flavor of the American Taliban the GOP voters will prefer in November. Today, polls say that it’s the wealthy liar whose faith is considered bizarre. The closest Romney is going to get to China is if he visits Wal-Mart. Inbred goober fundamentalists are creeped out by a heretic in magical underpants who believes in a polygamous heaven you have to earn your way into by running up your actuarially tabulated Good Deeds score while alive. Without being fully aware, Mitt Romney displays the precise traits his opponents are ascribing to him: a notion of natural noblesse, an air of aristocratic arrogance towards the common people around him and an inbred ignorance of their lowly concerns. And I hate him.