If you'd just decided to start following baseball, oh, around the middle of last week, you'd probably think umpires were some kind of wacky cross between Cliff Clavin, Ralph Kramden and Homer Simpson.

But if you've actually been paying attention for the past decade or six, you'd know the truth: Most umpires are actually better at their jobs than any of us are at our jobs.

Except when they're not.

Whereupon we cue up the "SportsCenter" worst-call-ever video reel and, well, you know the rest.

But we're not here to keep reliving that replay debacle in Cleveland or that pitching-change fiasco in Houston. Been there. Done that. About two billion times. Nope, this time we're here to help.

We've spent the past few days asking players, executives and people from all walks of baseball whether there are real, constructive, practical measures this sport could take to improve the quality of umpiring in the big leagues. And guess what? They fired out some awesome ideas. Now heeeeeeeere they come:

More replay

Players told us they think that umpire-player relations will improve immeasurably once more replay kicks in. Their rationale: more correct calls, less spitting, cursing and throwing stuff. Sounds logical enough.

Somebody get Angel Hernandez a 65-inch LED TV! AP Photo/Mark Duncan

Well, there's good news. More replay is coming. A lot more replay. Like next year. It might not all kick in at once. But at some point, it's possible nearly every type of call except Ball one Strike one will be reviewable. And that will solve everything.

All right. No it won't. But it's a start. As Angel Hernandez proved last week, even with replay, some calls will still get hopelessly messed up. But not nearly as many. And Angel will be happy to hear that an important byproduct of expanded replay will be better technology.

We've heard that the umpires' biggest complaint about that home run review in Cleveland was the "tiny" 19-inch monitor they had to watch it on. But when the next wave of replay hits, that call will be reviewed by a real, live replay umpire, with big, modern, wide-screen monitors and, ideally, an almost instantaneous feed of the best replay angles. So these guys will never miss another call.

All right. Yes, they will. But whatever replay system we get next, it can't help but be a major step toward umpire nirvana. Don't you think?

Recruit ex-players

This is an idea that has welled up lately in several front offices: Why not find the next wave of umpires among guys who are currently playing in the minor leagues?

Think of all the players out there with boundless baseball passion and aptitude, who just don't have make-the-big-leagues tools. That's the group we're looking for.

Then, after their playing careers flame out, baseball can invite them to join the cast of America's Next Top Arbiter -- and everyone will look up in a few years and find we have a group of umpires in tremendous physical shape, with an exceptional, intuitive feel for the game and the people who play it.

But hold on: That can't happen unless baseball makes two other big changes that give those ex-players a reason to go down that road. One of those changes? Money. What else? The pay scale for minor league umpires is embarrassing.

"It's not brain surgery," said one AL executive. "Spend and pay more money, and you will attract more qualified candidates and get better major league umpires down the road."

Right. And the other big change? If a guy has played a bunch of years in the minor leagues, there's probably not much chance he'll want to go back to rookie ball and spend another 14 years umpiring in the minor leagues for an outside shot at the big leagues. Baseball will have to streamline the path for those candidates somehow. But that has to be doable, doesn't it? If the sport really wants to make things better, it does.

Treat umpires like players: Job-Security Division

A complaint we hear from players all the time: "If we hit .188, if we don't perform, we get released -- or sent to Peoria. So how come, when umpires don't perform, they don't get fired -- or sent to Peoria?"