Sebastian Vettel has finally announced his long-rumoured move to Ferrari today and says he is looking forward to the Italian team bringing him ‘a new level of constant disappointment’.

‘For sure, the Red Bull has been a great let down for Seb this season but there was always a risk the car could get better again next year,’ said a source close to the German driver. ‘That’s why Seb is making this move. No one knows more than Ferrari about the faint glimmer of promise undermined by constant, dispiriting disappointment.’

‘Seb has great affection for Red Bull of course,’ our source continued. ‘But after so many years he needs a fresh start at a fresh team with a fresh belief in their own divine right to win everything whilst not actually winning anything.’

‘Vettel loves to talk about being world champion again,’ noted Maurice Ital of Every Other Sunday magazine. ‘And by moving to Ferrari he can surround himself with people who also love to talk about being world champions again. Whilst of course not actually becoming world champions, even though they promised that this would be their season.’

‘Ha ha! What a dick!’ said Mark Webber, cheerily.