I was getting worried as my package didn't arrive until the 23rd. I'm blaming this on USPS security though, as the box bore many of the warning signs of a mail bomb: reused package, obfuscated return address, et al. Too anxious to worry about precautions though, I went ahead and opened her up.

Beneath a layer of Kleenex (did you know my sinuses have been stuffed up, or are those meant for use with the rest of the gift?) were a copy of "Slaughter-House Five" (one of my all-time favorites, and long over-due for a re-read), a water bottle, and a massive wad of Saran wrap. The bottle contained a mini-survival kit, including a water-resistant match-case/compass/whistle; flashlight+batteries; bandages; mini-pocket knife; and emergency blanket. All-in-all, a pretty damn-near perfect preparedness kit for a day-pack.

So, they've got me set for emergency with gear and something to read while the world burns/the plague spreads/I wait for somebody to help me hobble back to the campsite; but there's still the baseball-sized wad of saran.

At first the wrap was somewhat self-supporting, giving the ball some minor degree of rigidity. But after peeling off some layers, that support waned, leaving me worried that perhaps my secret Santa was a trickster and had managed to wrap-up a giant orb of gelatin and I was about to have a giant mess all over my workbench. A few layers later though, some color began to peek through. A few more and it became apparent that there was one area that was just a bit darker. And with just a few layers left, I could only think, "There's no way that's what it is."

My Santa gave me a (stress-ball) boob!

So now I'm ready with the gear, something to read, and something to keep myself... entertained... in a post-apocalyptic nightmare scenario, where years may pass between seeing another human face, let alone encounter an available female. And now the Kleenex make so much more sense. Because there's just no way they could have known my nose was stuffy. Or maybe they're just really lazy (like me) and couldn't be bothered to use actual packaging material. But I digress.

So, back to the point (although I think everything's about covered besides), Thank you! I absolutely love it!