In my ongoing quest for terrible ads, I somehow found myself in the Brony corner of the internet. For those of you who haven’t yet ventured there, I’d not recommend it. Everything is technicolor and sinisterly cheerful, like a clown just before he pulls a chainsaw out of his magic bag and murders everybody.

I think what makes the Bronysphere so off-putting is the knowledge that nearly everything you’re seeing and reading was posted by adult men, for adult men. It just feels wrong. To use the clown analogy again, you can tell at a glance that a clown’s costume is just a facade. Your brain–which evolved over millennia to spot and react to threats, real or perceived–is put on guard by the unknown reality behind the facade. It supplies a feeling of creeping dread just in case the clown is a psycho and you need to get the hell out before limbs start flying.

It’s the same with Bronies. You know that behind the glittery veil of friendship and ponies and oh-so-much-cutsieness, there are grown men with the all the drives and predilections that come with being adult humans. They’re just…disguising them with pony stuff made for little girls. It’s a creepy, toxic combination. If you’ve spent any time on the internet at all, you are aware of Rule 34, and you know exactly what I mean.

You would imagine that Bronies (the ones not convinced they’re engaged to ponies from the show) might have a hard time finding love in a world where men who like little girls’ shows are looked at as potential pervs. Luckily for them, there is an answer.

Where there are 1,000 guys to every woman.

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Translation: My personality is so non-existent that I can only see myself dating someone else who gets off to kids’ cartoons.

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Translation: Be catfished by 20-something virgins just like you!

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Translation: Feeling lonely? This site will exacerbate that, because holy shit bro, you’ve reached a point in your life where joining a Brony dating site seems like a good move.

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Translation: There’s only one girl on this site. She’s my mom, and she’s only on here so we can legally advertise having female profiles.

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*It should be noted that most Bronies regard this site as a scam. Apparently, there are bots that send messages from users’ profiles without permission and you have to pay to see the messages you receive. If anyone reading this was considering joining to actually find love, do not (for so many reasons, most of which have nothing to do with scams).