Britons, it’s time to celebrate!

Today marks the first big step after this country chose independence from EU bureaucrats after decades of slavery and imperialism.

What? You didn’t know?

Today is our Brexit minister David Davis’s Big Trade Deal Day.

Henceforth this will be an annual day when we celebrate this plucky little country throwing off the shackles of EU trade agreements and opening up to the rest of the world.

If you’re still confused, allow Political Scrapbook to explain.

On July 14th, David Davis MP made this startling assertion on ConservativeHome:

I would expect the new Prime Minister on September 9th to immediately trigger a large round of global trade deals with all our most favoured trade partners. I would expect that the negotiation phase of most of them to be concluded within between 12 and 24 months. So within two years, before the negotiation with the EU is likely to be complete, and therefore before anything material has changed, we can negotiate a free trade area massively larger than the EU. Trade deals with the US and China alone will give us a trade area almost twice the size of the EU, and of course we will also be seeking deals with Hong Kong, Canada, Australia, India, Japan, the UAE, Indonesia – and many others.

You see? Today is that big day!

To be honest, we haven’t heard any announcements about this yet, and there have been no leaks to the press about the big day.

But we assume it’s happening because David Davis is the Brexit minister.

And surely our supremely competent Prime Minister only appointed someone who knew what he was talking about?

Perhaps he could take tips from Open Britain – who are campaigning to keep the UK in the Single Market.

We have to admit though, it was a bit shocking to hear President Obama and the Australians say there was no prospect of a trade deal anytime soon.

But we assume that was just a ruse to surprise everyone today.

These are tricky times for Britain and we obviously need knowledgable people in charge.

So it can’t be that the PM appointed someone who had no idea what they were talking about?

UPDATE: Labour MP Pat McFadden tells us:

The clock starts ticking on the ‘large round’ of negotiations the Brexit Secretary said would start on September 9th and would be finished ‘within 12 and 24 months’.