Christopher Hitchens may, in his words, be "shackled to my own corpse" – the great polemicist was diagnosed with throat cancer last year – but he still cares about the little things in life. Over the weekend, he penned a 1,000-word treatise for the American website Slate entitled How To Make a Decent Cup of Tea.

According to Hitch, it is "virtually impossible in the United States" – his home for the last 30 years – "to get a cup or pot of tea that tastes remotely as it ought to". Hitch's main gripe is that Americans seem to offer only cups of tepid water, with teabags served separately. Tea drunk like this, he says, is not worthy of the name – and is "best thrown away".

But all is not lost. Nothing if not constructive, Hitchens has provided us with a list of guiding principles, which, if followed closely, will surely revive the art of tea-making in the US. The most important of these is making sure that boiling water is added to the teabags. "Grasp only this, and you hold the root of the matter." Next, Hitch insists that your teapot be pre-warmed – and that your mug be cylindrical. As for milk, "use the least creamy type or the tea will acquire a sickly taste. And do not put the milk in the cup first."

As Hitchens himself acknowledges, his analysis places him within a canon of tea-based literature that dates back to George Orwell. But though Hitch is broadly in agreement with Orwell's take on tea, the pair do deviate on some crucial matters. Hitch feels that Orwell's preference for china teapots and "Indian or Ceylonese" tealeaf is outmoded. And while Orwell argues that it is "misguided" to add sugar, for Hitch, "brown sugar or honey are, I believe, permissible and sometimes necessary".

But Hitch's closing remarks are ones that Orwell would surely not quibble with. "Next time you are in a Starbucks or its equivalent and want some tea," he writes, "don't be afraid to decline that hasty cup of hot water with added bag. It's NOT what you asked for."