Breast Milk is a Weapon! When you look at Webster’s for a definition of assault, this is what you find:

1 a : a violent physical or verbal attack b : a military attack usually involving direct combat with enemy forces c : a concerted effort (as to reach a goal or defeat an adversary)

2 a : a threat or attempt to inflict offensive physical contact or bodily harm on a person (as by lifting a fist in a threatening manner) that puts the person in immediate danger of or in apprehension of such harm or contact

Let’s see…”violent”…”combat”…”bodily harm”…lots of words one associates with physical violence. Now, in recent years, many jurisdiction has made it a felony assault or worse for someone who knowingly has AIDS to spit in someone or have unprotected sex with a person. But, now Owensboro, Kentucky has broadened the defintion of assault. A 31 year old woman who was put in the drunk tank was charged with assault for squirtjng her breast milk on an officer. Come on….does that really fit the definition of assault? What would Wyatt Earp have done? Britney Griner of the Baylor University women’s basketball team might have dotted her eye. The video at the right shows how the basketball star retaliated to rough play with a haymaker that broke another woman’s nose. Griner was not charged with assault but was suspended. Perhaps if she had sprayed breast milk on her opponent she’d be in jail.

Now, I”m not sure if this measures up to the breast milk caper, but there was an instance in New Jersey not long ago when a cook who had received numerous tickets spotted the officer who had written the tickets in his restaurant. He decided not to get mad but get even. The cook is now charged with placing human hair on the officer’s sandwich. I’m not sure if it qualifies as assault, but probably so. I wonder if it would be an aggravated crime if the hair was not from his head. But, come on…a hair? If that is assault then just about every other time I went to the drive through I’d be going to the cops. And then, they’d have to prove the guy did it on purpose. Now…if the cook had used a meat cleaver then that would be another story.

Now, here’s a guy who got charged with assault for retaliating for what he thought was food tampering. The Taco Bell customer in Alaska drove through the drive through twice, claiming that the manager messed up his order. Then, the customer thought that the manager had spit in his double taco. So, he threw it in the face of the manager. Let’s see…Webster’s does have “offensive physical contact” as part of the secondary definition…but come on. I wonder if anyone checked to see if the manager did indeed spit in the food. Perhaps it could have been a double taco double assault! But, he wasn’t the only one who used a taco as a weapon. The Florida kid was charged with assaulting his mother with a taco after she very rudely asked him to stop playing XBox and come to dinner. parents these days are so tough. Actually, if you think about it…calling the cops on your kid is pretty tough love.

Now, this story from Louisiana back in October 2009 got world wide attention. It wasn’t Lorena Bobbit but was somemwhat provocative. Seems this woman was upset that the doctor told her that she wasn’t pregnant. Her boyfriend said that he tried to comfort her and she said that he hadn’t given her a passionate kiss lately, so he obliged. At that point, the woman bit off her boyfriend’s tongue. When the police arrived, the woman handed over a plastic bag filled with an interesting piece of flesh and said, “We had a domestic and I bit his tongue off. Here it is.” Okay….I’ve mentioned Lorena Bobbit with the woman who bit off the tongue so the obvious quesiton is…well…you know and the answer is yes. A Thai woman was angry with her boyfriend whom she suspected of cheating on her, so she bit him. The victim suffered severe bite marks but nothing was severed. Now…I’d say that is assault. I wonder how often that this happens but is not reported. In this case, the 56 year old Belgian refused to give details to the press.

Weather Bottom Line: Beautiful weekend. Snow White and I took a walk and happened to come upon our friends Larry and Anne and also had 7 deer wander by to join us. The lead short wave that was coming out will bring some showers Sunday night and Monday morning but it will be winding down and so I don’t think it will do much. Now, after that, I’ve been talking about a big pattern change and the main shortwave coming out of the Southwest and producing not only a t’storm threat, but also a severe weather threat mainly well to our South and West. I suspect that we will have some action in North Texas, Oklahoma and the Arklatex. The thing that has changed is that we get a several shorwaves embedded in the flow making for a rather unstable and uncertain week ahead. I still think that Dixie will get some rough weather to kick off the severe weather season this week. Given that we will see pretty mild conditions all week and moisture will continue to flow in from the Gulf…don’t be surprised to see some t’storms around here later in the week. It will be interesting if we get into the action…possible, not probable at this point. I’ve still got snow outside but it will all definitely be gone as we have 60’s more often than not this week.