You know, you don’t learn everything first and then apply it. It all just happens. Why did I make the decision not to have kids? I had been on the pill. I was 17. I had no eggs. By default, I was going to be a dad. I still felt like a baby. I was missing something. Having an abortion was never an option. At 30, it made me feel cheated. I had to make a choice. What do I want? It was like having a light. Maybe I should just take a pregnancy test. Motherhood is something that just happened. Or seemed to happen to them. I look at her, and I feel like there is some sort of balance or fairness in the universe. I wrote him a letter, and I promised him that I was going to let him be who he was. That promise turned out to be really important. The kicks in her belly, I could feel them from the outside, but it just wasn’t the same. One day I came home from school, and I said, “Where’s Mom?” He told me that she had a heart attack. It was a real gift of a lie. I married a man who did not want kids. I said I like children. But, I just don’t want them. I still don’t feel that just because you’re a woman, you are supposed to have kids. I remember saying, “Do you see now?” It’s the bravest, most amazing thing I’ve ever seen anyone do.