Currently it’s 08:10am. I’m sat in the waiting room of the Gastroenterology, Endoscopy, Oncology and Hepatitis General Illness Registration Point of Rudolfstiftung Hospital in Vienna. You think that’s a mouthful in English then try in German: Gastroenterologie, Endoskopie, Onkologie und Hepatitis Allgemeinsanmeldungspunkt Rudolfstiftungs.

The reason for my visit today was Ulcerative Colitis which is a bowel disease I have suffered with for almost 15 years. It causes frequent toilet visits, severe cramping in the abdomen and bloody diarrhea – not nice.

I have relative luck for someone with this illness, there are cases far worse than mine where people are not able to leave their beds and no cocktail of medications offers any relief. To this day I have never been quite so ill but still suffered my fair share and the past two months have been notably bad.

I am a renowned hypochondriac and hospital phobe, and for that reason I swerve anything that requires medical attention by any means necessary. It’s reasonable to say that to this day I have never taken care of myself as well as someone with a chronic, lifelong autoimmune disease probably should. I attribute this to fear. Paradoxically I take care of the fear of my illness by not taking care of it. My method of healing was to ignore it and let it go by itself and self medicating with pills I knew had a good effect.

This has worked for 8 years but carpets can only take so much being pushed under them and my metaphorical carpet had long since burst. The ever reliable medication I was taking doesn’t work as well as it should any more and every morning I spend running to the loo with cramps and bloody stools.

This is my reality. I’m tired and losing weight. I find it difficult to find energy and motivation to continue the publishing process of my latest book. I am really unwell.

This was no way to live, I should be more scared to neglect my illness, to not have it monitored than to be ‘in the system’ with the right men and women taking care of me. It’s nonsense to neglect one’s health. When I’m 75 years old I want to look back…well first things first I want to reach 75…And then I want to look back and not regret anything.

When I’m 75 I know I will not be scared of my illness anymore and 75 year old Dec would be ashamed of the 2017 version. For that reason I’m here today. Back on the path to health and doing great things!

Back in the waiting room I was the first one there with more and more sorry looking folk pouring in after me. I sat there approximately one hour in complete confusion as to what was occurring before a young doctor (~30 y/o) called me behind.

This was the Gastroenterologist on duty today, a Dr. Holzmueller and he was superb.

After eight years of not seeing a specialist, my head was a shed. My thoughts were scattered and I didn’t have a clue where to start, above all in bloody German! But Dr. Holzmueller really put me at ease, number one by speaking impeccable English and number two by treating my case as if it were brand new. He asked all the right questions and by the time I left I felt a huge weight was lifted from my mind.

Before that though. Dr. Holzmueller looked at me interestingly when I met him for the first time. His first question was, “Are you always so white?”

“Yes, well…to my knowledge…I’m Irish you see.” I replied. This was what I frequently told people who were curious about my extremely fair skin.

“Well I have met Irish people before, Herr Declan and they are not quite so…death gray as you.” The doctor replied matter of factly.

It turns out I had unbelievably low hemoglobin and small red blood cells…very severe anemia. So severe that the doc asked how I managed to get out of bed in the morning. I told him I just got used to it. The doctor told me I would need to get iron infusions directly into the vein every week until the levels were stable, he told me I would be feeling on top of the world and that colour would quickly return to my skin…well I never expected so many medical issues to be addressed in one appointment! I was delighted.

The doctor didn’t rush me, he didn’t cut any corners or dismiss any of my questions. He took his time to explain everything about the new medications I was prescribed and procedures I would need in the future. I have never felt so much relief leaving a hospital. All the those little fears which had been congregating in my guy were suddenly expelled and I felt like a new man, this could also have been the iron taking effect, too!

Not everyone suffers with a chronic disease but many do, and there are plenty people people who subscribe to the ‘out of sight, out of mind’ mindset like I did. Why would I need to go to the doctors if I’m not…that…bad.

No!

I implore you. If you live in a country where there is access to good, free healthcare then it’s a slap in the face of those who don’t have this access, not to use it! There’s no reason to suffer and your over all well being will be augmented simply knowing you’re in the right hands!

It was the hardest thing for me to do to get up and face my fear but I promise if I can then so can you.

p.s If you are blessed enough to be in good health then get checked up anyway! (No harm).

Peace x

D

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