Chapter 3: From Nohr, with Love

Corrin and Elise stood outside Garon's throne room in Castle Krakenburg. Elise was smiling.

"All right, Corrin! You can apologize to Father and I'll help as much as possible!"

The elder princess nodded. "Sounds good."

"I'll sneak up and put a bag on his head, and you punch 'im! Heehee!"

"Wait, what?!" Corrin turned to her little sister. Elise's eyes shot open and she began to sweat a little.

"Uh, forget that last part! Heh… heh…" As Corrin proceeded to knock on the door, Elise faced down the hall to a muscular man with blonde hair slicked back. She crossed her arms and mouthed 'no'. The man nodded and retreated into the shadows.

"CONSARN IT, CAN'T A MAN WRITE HIS DIARY- I MEAN, PRAY TO ANANKOS IN PEACE?!" Garon's voice was audible through the door. "THIS HAD BETTER BE DANGED IMPORTANT!"

Elise put her hands to the sides of her mouth, ensuring her voice carried. "CORRIN WANTS TO APOLOGIZE!"

The girl in question nervously copied her sister's actions. "Uh, YES I WANT TO APOLOGIZE!"

Some muttering was audible, but Corrin and Elise could not make it out. Then suddenly- "GET IN HERE!"

The princesses looked at each other and nodded. They warily opened the doors to the throne room and entered. Corrin looked around in awe and fear, seeing what her father's throne room was like for the first time. Her red eyes observed what resembled thorns growing all along the walls behind Garon. The man himself was sitting lazily in an ebony-hued throne.

Garon frowned deeper, somehow. "Corrin you disobeyed me. If I disobeyed my daddy, he'd beat me! He'd beat me good, tell ya what!" The old man began to stroke his beard in contemplation. "But I ain't a hollerin' fool like that old man, so I'll let you off this once. But to make up for it, yer goin' on a mission for me!"

Corrin gasped. "Yay!"

"Quiet, girl! As I was sayin', a mission… So pay attention, 'cause I won't be repeatin' myself!" Garon spat into a spittoon nearby, as if to hammer in the point that he was inexplicably a hick. He missed completely. "There's an old fortress by the Hoshidan border, near the Bottomless Canyon. I wanna know if we can use it, so go check it out for me!"

Corrin nodded excitedly. "Uh-huh! As you wish, Father!"

"Good… good… Now y'all won't have to battle, ya just gotta go look at the fort and report back. And if you fail me… I have no daughter. You hearin' me?" The king glared at his daughter. "I don't tolerate sissies, and I definitely don't tolerate incompetent sissies!"

Later, all of Corrin's other siblings had joined her and Elise in the throne room, with Garon nowhere to be found. Camilla crossed her arms and shuddered.

"I don't like the sound of this at all. My precious Corrin shouldn't be going to the Bottomless Canyon all by herself. I'll go with you. No need to thank me!" The eldest princess put up a smile and began pinching Corrin's cheek.

"Ow."

"D'aaw, it'll be so cute, I get to be with you on your first mission!"

Out of nowhere, a man in dark clothing stepped out from behind Garon's throne. He had ivory skin and long, jet black hair. The most striking feature was that he only wore half a mask. "That will not be possible, mmmmmmmilady."

Corrin's siblings all groaned, not even bothering to hide their feelings. Leo cleared his throat afterward. "Iago, to what do we owe your presence?" Under his breath, he added "And how can we punish them?"

Iago flashed a smarmy smile. "You see, His Mmmmmmajesty intends this mmmmmmmission as a test. I am to see to it that there are no mmmmmistakes in the planning."

Corrin tilted her head. "Why do you stretch out your Ms?"

"Whatever do you mmmmmean?"

"Oh…"

Iago turned to face Camilla. "Now, seeing as this is a test for Princess Corrin, it would be pointless if you were there to coddle her. Like you always do. Does it sting to know you cannot baby her this time?" he taunted, unprovoked.

"Hmph. I'll give you more than a sting if you speak to me again," Camilla spat.

"Could y'all keep it down, I'm tryin' ta nap!" shouted King Garon, walking out from behind the throne. Xander nearly flinched.

"Oh! Father! We didn't know you were here."

"I never left! I told Corrin 'bout her mission and then went ta take a nap, then she goes and invites all y'all in here!"

Elise scratched her head. "So does that mean Iago was here the whole time? Ewwww!"

Iago frowned and faced King Garon. "Your Mmmajesty, she's being mmmmean to me!"

"Who cares? Now I'd like to introduce everybody to Hans. HANS, GET OUT HERE!" Garon yelled. Another man stepped out from behind the throne. Leo closed his eyes.

"Just how many people are hiding behind there?"

A female knight with a messy hair bun and green eyes slinked out from behind the throne, carrying a bag and a boxing glove. Elise tensed and shook her head, causing the knight to go back into hiding.

"ME AM HANS!" announced Garon's associate. He was a bald man with a beard, and dressed in very little, as though he were a literal barbarian. Corrin thought he looked vaguely familiar, but dismissed it as déjà vu. "ME LIKE KILLING!"

Xander palmed his face and took Corrin aside, by the shoulders. "Wah!"

"Corrin, listen to me. Hans is bad news. He has literally no redeeming qualities. Not a one. We've tried," Xander warned. "If Father orders the two of you to spend any time together, keep your guard up."

"Oh? Well, maybe he just needs to find a friend." Corrin suggested. "Once we get a conversation going, we can find something we have in common and-"

Xander's grip on Corrin's shoulders tightened. "Corrin listen to me. He has committed every crime in the book. Literally every crime. He's committed so many crimes, that they had to invent a new one just to describe what he was doing!"

"What was it called?" Corrin asked, a slight frown forming.

"Unlicensed Embezzle-Clogging."

"… What?"

Garon cleared his throat. "If my children are done with their little conspiracy, I'd like ta continue! Anyway, this here is Hans. He'll go with ya. So have fun with that."

"HANS KILL PEOPLE FOR CORRIN!" Hans announced. "OR FOR FUN!"

Corrin nervously held out her hand, to the apprehension of Xander and the other siblings. "N-nice to meet you, Hans. I look forward to your… assistance."

"CAN WE GO YET? HANS WANT TO KILL PEOPLE AND RAID FORTRESS!"

"Uhh, we were just gonna investigate!" Corrin blurted out. "Uh, maybe if we come across an angry bear or something you could kill it?"

Hans narrowed his eyes.

Before long, a small team of horse riders were traveling through the Nohrian countryside. Corrin, Gunter, Jakob and Hans were all riding horses to the Bottomless Canyon. They were in a formation where Hans was in the lead, with Corrin behind him, and Gunter and Jakob spread behind her.

"HANS BORED! HANS WANT EAT!"

"Quiet down, Hans, or I'll feed you your own axe!" Gunter shouted. "Your constant bellowing is giving me a headache!"

The warrior turned back to face Gunter with bared teeth. "HANS NOT AFRAID OF OLD MAN!"

Corrin frowned. "Gunter, Hans, please don't fight. This is just going to be a scouting mission, no fighting! Not even with each other!"

Jakob narrowed his eyes and looked at Corrin. She was barefoot again. "Lady Corrin, why are you not still wearing Lord Leo's spare boots?"

The princess slouched her head awkwardly and looked around. "Uhh… they were… the wrong size. Yeah, that's it."

Jakob sighed and Gunter looked over to him. "Jakob have you not learned that this is a futile matter by now? Lady Corrin will marry and meet her own child barefoot, if she can help it."

Corrin turned back to Gunter. "I can still hear you. And why would I meet and marry my own child?"

"N-no milady, see you misunderstood the syntax. I was saying-"

"HANS BORED!"

Jakob and Gunter groaned, and the princess turned to Hans himself. "Hans, how about we play a game?"

"NO! HANS WANT KILL SOMEONE AND TAKE SOMETHING!"

Then Corrin groaned.

The team could not reach the Bottomless Canyon quick enough. Finding a safe distance to leave their horses, apart from Gunter insisting that he keep his, everyone made it to a bridge over the canyon.

"WE AT BOTTOMLESS CANYON NOW," declared Hans.

"Wooooow," Corrin whispered, taking in the view. "It's so… dark down there. Is it really bottomless?"

Gunter nodded. "Those who fall in never return."

The knight was then met with a glare from Jakob. "That would apply to any canyon, old man."

"Oh dear…" Gunter shook his head and pointed to the southeast, ignoring Jakob entirely. It appeared some soldiers with katana were on patrol. "There are Hoshidans inhabiting that outpost. I should have known Garon was lying about there being no need to fight."

Corrin shook her head. "I don't think so, Gunter. Actually, I think we just finished our job! We came to see if we could use the fort, and we can't. Well... we could, but we'd have to beat those soldiers-"

"MUST KILL!" Hans immediately pulled out a giant axe and ran across the bridge, swinging it in the air. "HUHUHUHUH! KILL!"

"HANS COME BACK!" Corrin yelled.

"ME MAKE FORT GOOD FOR GARON! WE NO TURN BACK AFTER SHOWING UP! AND ME WANT KILL!"

Across the bridge, a ninja dropped down. "In the name of Hoshido, wha-AAAAA!" The ninja was very nearly bisected by the axe before Hans kicked his body over a cliff and into the abyss. The brute turned back to Corrin and the rest.

"IT SAFE! YOU CAN CROSS!"

Another ninja appeared behind Hans. "Nohrians! I must report!" He immediately disappeared, causing Hans' companions to groan in unison.

Jakob readied a dagger. "Well Lady Corrin, it appears we must fight after all."

Corrin unsheathed Ganglari and stared at it. "I… I haven't killed anyone before…"

Gunter closed his eyes. A part of him wanted to keep Corrin away from this, but he knew it could not last. "Milady, if you truly wish to fight for Nohr alongside your siblings, you had to have known that this day would come."

She shuddered and nodded. "Y-you're right… Okay. I can do this… For Nohr!"

"We await your command," Jakob said with a bow. Corrin took a moment to think.

"Let's… see if we can find another way to reach the fortress. I don't trust Hans not to accidentally hit any of us."

"I agree," Gunter stated.

"HAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Hans was skipping across another bridge, happily chopping any ninja or bowman that stood in his way. He finally made it to a small fort across the bridge and kicked at the door. "LET HANS IN! HANS WANT KILL!"

A samurai in the fortress frowned. The archer standing beside him seemed lost. "Commander, what shall we do?"

"… Samurai proposes we fight him! Samurai is ready!"

"Sir, why are you talking like that?"

"Like what?"

"You're talking in the third person."

The samurai scoffed. "Samurai has no idea what you mean!"

The archer hung his head. "I don't get paid enough for this."

The door opened and Hans barged in, swinging his axe. "HANS KILL!"

"SAMURAI DEFEND!"

The two locked weapons, each struggling for advantage. Seeing a chance, the archer readied his weapon to aim at Hans, but found that he could only somehow create a green aura around the Samurai.

"Yes… Good! The Defense Stance gives Samurai extra power!" He suddenly pushed against Hans' weapon, making the berserker grunt in shock. The archer tried to shoot again, but found himself repeating what he had just done. "Yes! More defense!"

"… I really don't get paid enough for this."

"NOW IT IS TIME FOR ASTRA!" called the samurai. He jumped back, causing Hans' axe to drop into the ground. The swordsman ran back over to Hans and struck him five times.

"OUCH!" Hans fell backward. "HANS GO HOME NOW…"

The berserker pathetically crawled out of the fortress as the samurai heroically sheathed his sword. "All is well thanks to Samurai and Archer!"

"… Yeah okay."

Some other samurai were focused on Jakob. Corrin bit her tongue and ran over to one of them, slashing him with Ganglari. With the other soldier caught off-guard, Jakob hit him with his dagger, causing him to wobble and fall over the edge.

"How humiliating to have to be saved by my liege. I shall have to defeat two more to compensate," Jakob lamented. Corrin gave him an incredulous look.

"Kill soldiers just for the sake of it? Are you turning into Hans now?!"

Gunter rode up to the two. "Hans has fallen. We may be able to retreat if we're-" The sound of neighing filled the air. Corrin, Jakob and Gunter looked and saw Pegasi soaring in from where they themselves had entered. "Or we could get trapped between the enemy and their reinforcements. Perfect."

Corrin nervously looked over to the fort to the southeast. "Well, we're almost at the fort. Maybe if we can incapacitate their commander… and use him as a hostage, maybe we can leave?"

"Oooh, how underhanded!" Jakob clapped his hands. "Unfortunately, Hoshidan ninja are too proud. He's likely to have explosives tied to his body, and may detonate as a last resort."

Corrin's jaw dropped. "Seriously?! O-Okay… How about we just try to talk to him? We weren't even meant to fight, so maybe he'll- No I can't even finish that sentence."

"Milady," Gunter warned, "the Sky Knights are approaching as we speak. Our best bet is to take cover in the fortress. By any means necessary."

Corrin sighed and nodded. "Yeah okay." She looked around and saw a patch of land emanating a yellow glow. "Hey a Dragon's Vein! I bet that'll help!" Without another word, Corrin ran over and knelt down, feeling the ground with her hand. "Dragon's Vein activate!"

Nothing happened.

"Uh… please?" Corrin tried putting both hands on the ground. "Oh, I've done this before, I can't mess it up now!" She took a deep breath. "I INVOKE THEE, DRAGON'S VEIN!"

Corrin resonated with the land, and a piece of earth from across the gap extended itself. The princess and her allies finally had a shortcut to the fortress. She smiled and clapped her hands. "Yay I did it! Let's go!"

The three of them ran across the bridge, with Jakob staying back to throw daggers. Each dagger struck a Sky Knight from afar, grounding them. However, Jakob eventually missed one. A dog reared its head from a nearby bush and laughed.

"Oh quit your laughing, mongrel! I'm trying my best!"

Without the butler, Corrin and Gunter found themselves before a ninja at the gates of the fortress. The ninja took on a fighting stance much like Kaze did back in Castle Krakenburg.

"Nohrians! I shall defeat you! Or my name is not Omozu!"

"We don't care about your name," Gunter countered. "And for what it's worth, this whole fight was Hans' idea."

"I don't know who that is."

"I envy you, then." Gunter twirled his lance. "Let's get this over with."

Omozu vanished in smoke, and then reappeared behind Gunter and standing on the horse. Corrin's eyes widened.

"GUNTER!"

Gunter saw in his peripheral vision and leapt off his horse in time. Omozu swung his shuriken like a knife and missed. "Fie! I missed!"

Omozu did a backflip off Gunter's horse, just in time to get kicked by its hind legs. He got sent flying into a tree, and broke it in half. "Oooooh…. okay you win…. ow…"

Corrin went over to a flagpole by the fortress and took down the Hoshidan flag, replacing it with a Nohrian flag. She then walked into the fortress.

WORLD 1-3 CLEAR

Time Remaining: 444 Seconds

*1-Up!

*1-Up!

*1-Up!

*1-Up!

Immediately, a red-clad ninja with a small metal guard over his mouth appeared from nowhere. He had a scar covering his shut right eye. Corrin ran back out of the fortress and gasped. "Another ninja! Quick, Gunter's Horse, do what you did to the other guy!"

"You'd better not be telling me Omozu's group was defeated by a horse," the ninja dryly commented. "Oh well. He was weak anyway. My name is Saizo. And by order of Lord Ryoma…" his right eye opened, revealing it to be pure white, "... die."

Corrin quickly readied Ganglari, as Gunter got back onto his horse. Saizo crouched and made a beeline for Corrin. He ran so fast, it was as though he flickered in and out of existence as he approached.

"Begone, wretch!" a familiar voice ordered. At just the right time, a crimson beam struck Saizo and knocked him on his face. Corrin and Gunter looked over to find Xander riding in on Sieghorse, followed by his other siblings. "Corrin, Gunter! We're here!"

"Xander! Camilla! Elise! Leo!" Corrin waved happily at them all. Leo frowned.

"Why did she name me last?"

Saizo struggled to get back up and spoke to no one in particular. "Don't just stand there!"

Two ninja materialized in a space between Corrin and her siblings. Camilla swung her wyvern's reins and it flew faster. Pulling out her axe, she hit both ninja in one flyby swoop.

DOUBLE-KILL!

Corrin went pale. "Oh wow, Camilla is scary when she fights."

Then another ninja arrived. This one was a woman with long, black hair covering her right eye. "Yeah well Lord Ryoma is much more frightening."

Corrin turned. "Who…"

By that time, Xander and the others had reached Corrin. The eldest prince turned to Corrin. "Get out of here. We will handle this while you, Gunter and the butler leave!"

"The butler?" asked Camilla. "Xander, Jakob's worked for Corrin for years and you still don't know his name?"

Xander raised his eyebrow. "So that one was Jakob? I thought Jakob was Gunter's horse."

All the Nohrians present groaned, but Gunter extended his hand. Corrin hesitantly joined the knight on his horse. She was about to ask her siblings if they were truly okay with this, but the eldest three had already begun to engage the two ninja.

"Oh they'll be fine! This happens a lot!" Elise waved her hand reassuringly. "I think. I just kind of snuck along with them until they noticed me."

"Well… if you insist." Corrin said.

Gunter's horse quickly ran across the bridge, carrying both its master and Princess Corrin. She was looking behind them nervously. "Gunter, I still don't see Jakob behind us! Are you sure we can't turn back and look for him? What if he died?!"

"Oh please, he's too stubborn to-"

"DIE!"

At the end of a bridge, Hans ran out from behind a tree and jumped. Axe out, he swung at Gunter's horse, causing it to rear up in fright. Corrin fell off the horse and onto the planks. "Aaaah!"

"Corrin! Hans, what are you doing?!"

Grinning, Hans quickly took a swing at the horse, and as it flailed in pain, it fell over the edge, taking Gunter with it. Corrin shrieked.

"GUNTER, NOOOOO!"

"HAHAHAHA! GUNTER DIE! HANS KILL CORRIN NOW!"

But Corrin did not register Hans' remark. She could not hear, she could not see, she could not even feel. All that remained was a muffled roar in her head that was quickly getting louder. Her breathing became faster, and more feral.

"You… you…"

Hans yawned. "HANS HAVE NO TIME FOR THIS. HOLD STILL SO HANS FINISH." He casually walked over and readied his axe.

Corrin writhed and cradled her head. Suddenly, she let out a roar. "RRRAAAAAAH!"

Her head had transformed; it was entirely inhuman, a strange monster's head. Her hands were changed as well- one was a lance and the other a giant mouth.

"UHHH, HANS FEEL WEIRD ABOUT THIS NOW." Corrin's hand-mouth clamped around Hans, fangs digging into him. "OW, NO BITING!"

"Why did you do it?! ANSWER ME!"

"DUUUUH, KING GARON SAID TO. LET HANS GO NOW!" Hesitating, Corrin let go of Hans, but then ran up to him and jabbed him with the lance. "OOOH! GARON NO SAY YOU WERE MUTANT!" Corrin followed up by aiming her mouth-like appendage like a cannon. A blast of water came out, knocking Hans back to the cliff.

"OW. AT LEAST HANS GET SHOWER FOR MONTH."

With a flash of light, Corrin returned to normal, yet was dazed. "My head… I don't…" Ganglari then forced itself into her hand. It glowed an unhealthy purple, and then lifted Corrin into the air. "Whoa! I'm awake now, what's going on?!" Ganglari flew into the chasm, taking Corrin with it. "Aaaah!"

Corrin was gone, Ganglari with her. Hans sat in silence for a moment.

"I'm coming, Corrin!" cried Lilith, making an unexpected appearance at the canyon. She ran past Hans and dived into the abyss. Hans continued to sit there.

"… ME AM CONFUSED."

When Corrin regained consciousness, she was in a wide, open field. "… Huh? Is this the bottom of the canyon?" She gasped. "Gunter! I have to find him!"

"Lady Corrin!"

Corrin looked behind her and saw a small, fishlike creature. It was primarily blue and white, but with some red spots. It had familiar yellow eyes and a very familiar kerchief on its head. "Hi, Lady Corrin! It's me, Lilith! I'm a dragon now."

The princess did a double-take. "W-What?!"

"Oh…" The small creature blushed. "I guess I should explain. Do you remember that time you found a sick, baby bird? Well that was actually me, in this form. I was looking for you, and I found you! But I was so sick…"

"You… are a dragon… and you were looking for me?"

The little dragon nodded. "Uh-huh! And to repay your kindness, I decided to become a servant of yours! But I had to take a human form to do it, or else it'd just look weird."

"I… guess?"

"But when I saved you from falling into the canyon and warped you here, I used up too much power. I don't think I can change back now. Sad." Lilith closed her eyes. "But this form isn't so bad, especially not with you, S- … Milady."

Corrin frowned. "Oh… Well, can we go back?"

"Oh… oh alright." Lilith conjured a crystal ball. "I'll stay here for a while, but I can send you back with this. But be careful, you'll still be by the Hoshidan border!"

"Don't worry, Lilith. I'm sure everything will be fine." Corrin gave her friend a smile.

FLASH

"Oh…" Corrin woke up on a cliff by the canyon. "What happe- AAH!"

A club had struck Corrin in the back of the head, knocking her unconscious. A flash of lightning revealed Rinkah as the culprit. She picked up Corrin by the waist and hoisted the girl over her shoulder.

"Not so hot now, huh?"

To be continued.

Post-Script A/N:

There's Chapter 3. Say hello to Hans, everybody. In the game, he was really nothing but a brute, just there to kill people and make it harder for Corrin to justify King Garon's actions. So since such little thought was put into him in the game, I reflected that in his portrayal here. Iago's portrayal is just a small joke for myself. I always imagined him stretching out his Ms, so there you go.

The Duck Hunt joke wasn't planned at all, it just came to me as I wrote the scene. And now it's one of my favorite jokes in this whole story so far. And it even helped justify keeping Jakob missing from the bridge confrontation with Hans. We also get to meet Saizo and Kagero in this chapter, but not much was accomplished. We'll see more of them later. (I didn't actually recognize them in this chapter until I replayed the game from the beginning.)

We end with Lilith revealing her dragon form and MyCastle to Corrin. To be honest, I don't think I will be incorporating MyCastle beyond this scene, because I can't find a way to have it make sense. I know it's a humor story, but my suspension of disbelief and tendency to focus on the details can only go so far. We'll see, though.

Next chapter, we finally meet more Hoshidans.