News- RUNNERS who competed in a harrowing obstacle course in France have become violently ill, believed to have been caused by bacteria in the mud. A record field of more than 8,000 entrants took part in the race on the Côte d’Azur in Nice last week. The following day, at least 30 participants complained of diarrhoea, vomiting and fever. That figure has now shot up to over 1,000. The cause of the illness hasn’t been confirmed, but it’s possible the mud may have been contaminated with harmful bacteria from animal faeces. Some of the participants recalled smelling horse manure at various points in the race. Organisers of the Mud Day event addressed participants on the event’s web page, promising to do everything possible to determine the cause of the stomach upsets. They said that there had been no need for hospitalisation.

So these are my new favorite stories. Stories where people willingly decide to participate in those stupid Mud Runs and it ends up horribly for them. Last week we had the chick who went blind because a flesh-eating bacteria jumped into her eye during a Mud Run and now she can’t see (hilarious). And this week we have people getting super sick because the mud they thought they were swimming in, running in, sticking their faces in, probably swallowing a little was actually animal shit. This is even funnier than the first one. Overly active people trying to find a fun way to exercise (impossible) and instead they end up rubbing their faces in animal shit, getting sick and puking all over the place. Thousands! Thousands of people ran and swam in horse shit because it’s the “cool” thing to do right now. Because they saw somebody they went to high school with post pictures on Facebook from a Mud Run and wanted to try it. Because white people are literally running out of things to do. What a bunch of idiots. If you need me, I’ll be getting sick the old fashioned way. Eating too much, no exercise and getting diabetes. That’s what real Americans do.

PS- And, as always, these blogs double as excuses for when somebody inevitably asks if you want to participate in a Mud Run. “Oh you want me to do one of those things? Well did you hear about the lady who went blind from a flesh-eating bacteria or the people who got sick because they swam in animal poop? Let me tell you all about it.” You’re golden after that.