LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

As Australians force themselves to enjoy a season of beer drinking weather, sleepless nights and fucking catastrophic natural disasters, many have turned to a life of excessive food and alcohol consumption.



While it has long since been known this behaviour isn’t the worst thing, there has been a sharp increase in sightings of a negative auras around the bathroom scales.



“They get harder to look at every day,” stated a summer glutton who wished to remain anonymous.



“Every time I go for a shit they’re there in the corner, staring at me. Judging. Waiting.”



Many of the self-confessed indulgers admitted the hardest part of not checking in on the damage done to their BMI during the summer was the knowing feeling they would eventually have to weigh themselves or wait until next year to start being healthy again.



“OK, I’m just gonna jump on them right now,” stated the seasonal hedonist for the 3rd or 4th time.



“I’ll be fine if I’m under 80 kilos…if I’m under 80 to 85 then it’s fine.”



“Come on, come on, come on, come on-fuck.”

“That’s not good.”