Me, trying to get it.

“This guy gets it,” and then a finger is pointed right at me.

Happens everytime. Doesn’t matter where I sit, whether or not I’m laughing, or even if I’m in the bathroom at the time. If I’m seeing a stand-up show, I’m going to be pointed at and the crowd will be told that I get the joke. It must be something about my face. I must just look like someone who gets it.

The truth? I never get it. I’ve never once gotten it. One time I thought I was close to getting it, but when I discussed the joke with my wife, I wasn’t even in the ballpark. She got it. The comedian should’ve pointed at her. More people should point at my wife, period. She enjoys the attention.

Of course, I always pretend like I get it. One stand-up said something about men liking Greek women or something, maybe it was Greek yogurt, or maybe it wasn’t Greek at all, maybe it was frozen yogurt, or frozen women. Whatever. After the joke he pointed right at me and exclaimed “This guy gets it!” so I acted like I totally got it, smiling and saying “Yep, I get it!” loud enough so enough people could hear it and pass it on to the people who couldn’t hear. I wasn’t gonna just ruin the show’s momentum and admit I didn’t get it. I’m not that kind of person. I go with the flow, just like Greek women.

All of the greats have told people I get it. Richard Pryor, George Carlin, Eddie Murphy. Hell, Steve Martin once started a show, before telling a single joke, by pointing at me and saying “This guy gets it!” Everybody laughed at that for some reason. I guess it was funny. But, once again, I didn’t get it.

Why do I keep seeing comedy if I don’t get the jokes while people insist that I do? I love seeing a person talk into a microphone and walk around. That’s why I keep going to shows. That and my wife. She’s an alcoholic and loves 2 drink minimums.

Sometimes I even go to open mic nights. It’s easy for me to tell which of the beginning stand ups will make it big, because they’re the ones that point at me and say “This guy gets it!” just like the best comedians. The bad ones either point at someone else and say that, or point at me and mess it up. They say “This girl gets it!” or “This guy wets it!” or even once, “This guy doesn’t get it!” People booed him for saying that, and so did I, because I’m just like a Greek woman, but he was the first person to actually speak the truth when pointing at me.

I don’t get it.

I’d go on writing, but I’m at a show right now and Dave Chappelle just pointed at me, so it’s my time to shine. Oh, wait. He actually pointed at my wife. She passed out again.

Now that, I get.