By now you may have heard of the latest and possibly greatest Alan Moore interview, one in which he rides blazing over the fields of glory, a one man four riders of the apocalypse, over Grant Morrison and everything and anything to do with Morrison, including sometimes Beat contributor Laura Sneddon. The interview is conducted by another Beat contributor, Padraig O’Mealoid. Fun fact: the interview itself might have run originally on The Beat. Its origins lie somewhere in a proposed roundtable on Alan Moore’s writing among Sneddon, O’Mealoid, Pam Noles—whose discussion of the Golli-Wogg touched off some of this—and film critic Will Brooker.

Padraig had already offered to conduct the interview (which really consists of typing five or six questions) and did offer it to the Beat first. Although I would have been happy for the traffic, I felt putting it out there without some context wasn’t the way to go, as that was actually FAIRER to Alan Moore than presenting it all by itself. Padraig felt it was better presented on its own and so it went to his own website.

However, I’ve offered space to Sneddon, Noles and Brooker to write their own rebuttals, or essays or what have you on the substance of the Moore interview, as regards the Golliwogg and other matters. Hopefully I can run some of that as it comes in.

There remains the breaking news that Alan Moore does not like Grant Morrison. Boy howdy, he does not like Grant Morrison. And while you can argue with his feeling on this matter what you cannot argue with is that Moore knows how to express disdain. Here are the best put-downs of Grant Morrison from the 12,000 word interview, put downs which you may find useful in your own daily activities should you need to offer the ultimate burn.

On the man himself:

…”the herpes-like persistence of Grant Morrison himself”…”

On Morrison’s continuing interest in Moore:

“…my own personal 18th century medicinal leech…”

General slams:

“…Grant Morrison and his fellow mediocrities…”

On Morrison’s career path:

“…It would appear that at one stage, as an example, he had concluded that the secret to being a big-time acclaimed comic-writer was to be found in having a memorable hairstyle.”

On Morrison’s suggestion Moore put his “todger’ on the cover of Promethea:

“…a genuine and long-sustained clammy infatuation which is (barely) sublimating its sexual component in saucy Carry On-style banter…”

On Morrison’s younger days:

“…by his own admission Grant Morrison had spent most of the Punk era in his room for fear of being spoken to roughly by some uncouth person with a pink Mohawk and a U.K. Subs t-shirt.”

On Morrison’s ongoing behavior:

“I’m afraid I didn’t see how appealing to completely unearned teen rebel credentials made any difference to the spoiled-child behaviour of a deeply unpleasant middle-aged man, and therefore once more declined the invitation to whisk him off to my Bat-cave so that we could solve mysteries together, perhaps in todger-revealing tights.”

On GM getting the MBE

“…massively privileged Tories…”

…I guess you gotta be English to get that one.

There you go. The man has a way with words, say what you will.

[Above image ripped off from Paul Cornish because it is perfect.]