Love is perhaps one of the most perplexing emotions humans must sort out. This subject is one of the most intriguing areas of philosophy. Many philosophers have written on the topic of love. Even so, because of its mysterious nature, there is no clear-cut answer about what love is and what causes us to love a particular person. When forming an opinion on these issues it is of great importance to read and explore many differing views. I will base my argument on Irving Singer’s view of love as appraisal and bestowal. I will argue in favor of Singer’s view with a few small modifications. The first question involved in the process of finding out what love involves would be to determine what attracts one person to another. Scientists argue its purely hormones, but for most of us pure chemistry is not a reasonable explanation. Irving Singer introduces the concept of appraisal to explain this phenomenon. Appraisal is a process whereby a person examines qualities and determines values for these qualities to decide about the “value” of a person or other object. There are two types of appraisal. Objective appraisal includes commonly appreciated characteristics such as beauty and intelligence while individual appraisal is more subjective. The individual appraisal is based on traits that are personally desired by the appraiser such as being career-oriented or having a cynical sense of humor. Singer argues that this appraisal is the basis of an early romantic relationship. Many would argue that this appraisal is not love – that it is purely sexual attraction. However, this initial stage is necessary if we are to form relationships. People are, by nature, “beings” that are always seeking to satisfy their desires – both sexual and emotional. The initial stage of appraisal is to get people interested in their partner. According to Plato, people are seeking true beauty in the lower hierarchy of love. Singer’s idea of pure appraisal is an offshoot of this idea. The initial appraisal is a measure of the beauty of an individual – both physically and internally. Over time, this appraisal is not enough. If a relationship were based solely on one’s appraised value the love would be very shallow and therefore unsatisfying.

Singer’s answer is bestowal. He believes bestowal is the second half of the love equation. Bestowal is the process by which a lover places value onto his beloved. Often this involved loving/valuing the person for qualities they do not have. “To bestow value is to augment one’s own being as well as the beloved’s. Bestowal generates a new society by the sheer force of emotional attachment…(219).” This bestowal is independent of the lover’s appraisal. Singer believe that bestowal is necessary because no amount of good qualities can create love; “Love would not be love unless appraising were accompanied by the bestowing of value (220).” This idea of bestowal may seem positive - who wouldn’t want to be seen as perfect in their lover’s eyes. The problem here is that while it may be comforting in the beginning to realize your lover looks past your flaws it will actually begin to be demeaning to the beloved. The beloved would begin to feel that they are not worthy of love as themselves; that they are solely deserving of love if they are as their lover has bestowed them. This love would be very unsatisfying and could eventually lead to depression and other emotional problems for the beloved. This concept is well illustrated by the analogy of a parent congratulating their children for good grades. After being told good job even when they know it wasn’t a good job, the child begins to realize their parents pride is based solely on their parents perception of them, not who they really are. This reassurance and value placed on them by their parents is now meaningless. The bestowal can also be troublesome for the love. The act of bestowal as Singer argues seems to be very delusive. Singer attempts to defend his position by using a theater analogy. He writes that when you watch a production you know the person is an actor but often times you bestow characteristics of the character being portrayed onto the actor. You let your imagination take over. Singer argues that love is the same; that imagining your beloved has certain characteristics does not mean you are deluding yourself. As logical as this argument sounds Singer does not address the fact that most of the time love is unconscious and unexpected, you wouldn’t be prepared for the “illusion” as you would be in a theater. Because the lover is not prepared, he is likely to be more deluded and naïve about his beloved based upon his subconscious bestowal.