Trump Praises Revolutionary War Soldiers For Kicking British Colonies Off Moon

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In his July 4 address to the nation, President Trump took a moment to praise the American soldiers in the Revolutionary War for "kicking the crap out of the British" on the famous Moon front.

“In June of 1775, the Continental Congress created a unified army out of the Revolutionary Forces encamped around Boston and New York and named after the great George Washington, commander in chief. … Our army manned the air, it rammed the ramparts, it took over the airports, it took to outer space to kick the crap out of the British colonies on the Moon."

"It was really an amazing thing," he said. "They pulled off a massive orbital bombardment, and then they flew in with the Space Marines to finish the job. If it weren't for their sacrifice, we wouldn't have control of the precious cheese resources on the Moon that we do today."

Trump said he modeled his new Space Force off their brave accomplishments. "The famous 1775 Battle of the Moon was really the inspiration for the Space Force. We did it before, we can do it again. America!"

He later walked back his comments, blaming them on the teleprompter.

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost. Get FREE Access *with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee