Vice & Virtue

Our innate qualities can be exploited, abused, and mis-interpreted; for the better or for the worse.

At night, when my father got home from work, we would play chess on our kitchen floor. I would get deep into the games, and like any kid, I hated losing. When I lost I’d try to hide my tears with silly excuses. Whether or not my father knew this, he would never just let me win. I had to win for real. A lot of underlying lessons were learned from these chess games, and they will stay with me forever.

Lesson 1

My father always had the opportunity to let me win, but he never did. This was a decision he made as a loving father. He sharpened me.

Naturally I got better over time by learning to govern and discipline my chess moves with reason. The second my hand came off the chess piece, I would reassess my move. Was it cowardly, reckless, or courageous?

Lesson 2

Though I did not understand it then, I was learning that appearing cowardly, reckless, and courageous served different purposes at different times. What I felt was courageous may have looked reckless to my father, or vice versa. In the beginning he would call me out making moves that felt out of place, but it stopped when I started using it to my advantage.

I started testing my father to gain his reactions on my moves. Did he think that was reckless? He did! Good good…

Lesson 3

As I understood my father’s reactions to my moves, I would exploit his assumptions. I wasn’t afraid to lose anymore, it was thrilling. Each loss was a memory of what not to do the next game. Sometimes I would get really close to winning, and do something reckless when I didn’t need too, just to see if I could win in a tough situation.

Lesson 4

This is when we started going game for game. Our even matched games were the best, we didn’t know who’s king would rule. I would be stumped, and sometimes he would be stumped. At this point I fell deeply in love with chess, and started treating my father as a pure opponent.

Lesson 5

Winning at chess became my childhood obsession. When my opponent wasn’t home, I’d practice tactics against myself by endlessly flipping the board trying to imagine what he would do in response. I couldn’t wait for my opponent to come home so I could test my little strategies against him. As time went on our matches became lopsided; my opponent hadn’t won for weeks. Constant victory was pure pleasure.

Then one night my father didn’t feel like playing. I asked and asked, but we never played again. It left me sad and frustrated.

Lessons of Vice and Virtue

As a child I could feel what happened, but was unaware of the vice that spawned from the abuse of virtue. As an adult, I attempt to embrace the innate qualities of myself and others to detect the motives of vice and virtue. They can be used for good or evil, they can be hidden or exposed, they can breed love or hatred, they can tell you a lot about somebody; for the better or for the worse.

Lesson 1: Temperance

Lesson 2: Prudence

Lesson 3: Courage

Lesson 4: Justice

Lesson 5: Vice

I love you dad, thank you for the valuable lessons!