Share 0 SHARES

EVERY press conference, news item and expert testimony these days seems to be pleading with everyone to realise that the spread of Covid-19 can only remain low, forging a uncertain and delicate path back to normality if the general public fights off complacency.

However, some people who are frankly bored with this shit and couldn’t care less about silly old people, people with underlying conditions or previously healthy people with no underlying health conditions, have it on their own authority that “this bollocks is basically over” and are bravely playing their part in making a longer lockdown and a deadly second wave of infections inevitable.

If you’d like to help out, WWN has gathered together a list of actions that will guarantee there will be always be something gnawing away at your conscience for the rest of your life:

1) “Sure, it’s only a few cans in the park with the lads and kicking a ball” – and, then there was the night over at John’s playing FIFA ’til three in the morning, the session in Guzzie’s gaff, the drive down to the beach, like, what harm could it do, the figures are down.

2) “But like, old people are going to die anyway” – you would have punched a hole through someone’s face if they said that 3 weeks ago, but it’s different now you’re fed up and need your nails done.

3) “The novelty of washing my hands 30 times a day has warn off” – you’ve seen an encouraging dip in figures and stats, so now is the perfect to stop doing all the things that are designed to keep down numbers. Brilliant.

4) “Ah leave them play, the poor kids haven’t seen each other for ages” – fuck it let them have a sleep over and play a game of cough and go seek while they’re at it.

5) “The fridge is fully stocked but fuck no harm if heading to the shops three more times to break up the day” – don’t forget to bring three or four people with you while you’re at it.

6) “Ah but who really knows if this is even real like, be fucked if a ‘virus’ is keeping me indoors any longer” – just remember to repeat this when attending the funerals (via Zoom) of loved ones and acquaintances.