I had amassed a very finite amount of money, about enough to pay for a year of rent in Denver, and I knew it would be gone fast and I'd be stuck with nothing. I didn't want to remain dependent on my brother and sister-in-law, though I can't thank them enough for keeping me off the streets. I didn't want to be beholden to Section 8 rules and standards that could change at any time.

Basically, I felt the best thing I could do was to buy a house so that whether or not I was able to work consistently, I wouldn't be homeless. This mental illness is a bitch! Some days I think I've got the world in my hands and can be a functioning member of society, and then I spend three days in bed, trying to convince myself not to kill myself. This is not conducive to making a steady living, and unfortunately all too common with Bipolar Disorder.

I spent countless sessions discussing my intentions with my therapist, psychiatrist, and rheumatologist. I was rather surprised that all of them were in favor of my move, though all expressed concerns. "Will it be more difficult to get mental health support?" "Don't forget that you're allergic to the sun, so stay out of it!" I got a 90 day supply of medications and made the move. I have yet to find doctors. I'm using the excuse that I haven't settled in yet, but the reality is that I hate seeing doctors, particularly new ones so I've been procrastinating. Don't follow my lead on this. I need to see a psychiatrist to adjust my medication or do a supervised discontinuation of medication which would be my preference, but a scary prospect.

With the amount of change that has occurred in my life in the recent past, it's not a big surprise that I can't seem to get a handle on my mood swings. I haven't reached danger points yet, but I'm getting close. The demons are with me every day, and some days they're winning.

I know one thing for sure. I'm better off being depressed and looking at the ocean than being depressed and looking at suburbia in Colorado. Nothing against Colorado, but it really only worked for me when I was working and living at a higher standard of living than I can now afford.

This is an experiment. It may turn out to be for the best or it may be a big learning experience. Either way, I'm grateful to be here.