As part of its commitment to ‘more governance, less government’, the BJP manifesto has promised to privatize unofficial government mouthpieces such as NDTV and CNN-IBN, thereby reducing the burden on the exchequer. Both IBN and NDTV are viewed as quasi PSU bodies in pursuit of vaguely defined public goals that take pride in PSU like practices: not giving the consumer what she wants, nepotistic practices (how else does one explain Sagarika’s presence?), and dodgy balance sheets (to be fair, PSU balance sheets are audited by the CAG).

“When we already have a very competent and boring public broadcaster in Doordarshan, why does the government need to support channels like NDTV and CNN-IBN?” reasoned BJP manifesto architect, Prof Murali Manohar Joshi. “What public purpose is served by sponsoring Buck Stops Here or Sagarika’s Face the People, yaar? I understand that these programs are shown after Arnab finishes with his stuff but I would rather that the I&B ministry use that money to sponsor carnatic music concerts for Doordarshan at 10 PM. At least, that will put you to sleep rather than wreak havoc on your senses.”

Pleas that cutting off government life support would be leave them defenseless against the wolves (read: Arnab Goswami) were pooh-poohed away. “Look at those Headlines Today chaps. They also get pummeled in TRPs by Arnab but they are bravely hanging on. Maybe if you chaps focus less on the big picture or place sensationalism above what your call sense, and focus on what the viewer actually wants to see, you may yet retain viewership.”

Joshi said the BJP can manage without the services of these two channels if they come to power. “We have Niticentral, so thanks but no thanks sir. Anyway, our base doesn’t appreciate subtle, nuanced messaging so we don’t need their services,” he noted.