America’s “let them cry” attitude toward children may lead

to more fears and tears among adults, according to two Harvard Medical School

researchers.

Instead of letting infants cry, American parents should keep their babies

close, console them when they cry, and bring them to bed with them, where

they’ll feel safe, according to Michael L. Commons and Patrice M. Miller,

researchers at the Medical School’s Department of Psychiatry.

The pair examined childrearing practices here and in other cultures and

say the widespread American practice of putting babies in separate beds

— even separate rooms — and not responding quickly to their cries may

lead to incidents of post-traumatic stress and panic disorders when these

children reach adulthood.

The early stress resulting from separation causes changes in infant brains

that makes future adults more susceptible to stress in their lives, say

Commons and Miller.

“Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily

harms the baby permanently,” Commons said. “It changes the nervous

system so they’re overly sensitive to future trauma.”

The Harvard researchers’ work is unique because it takes a cross-disciplinary

approach, examining brain function, emotional learning in infants, and cultural

differences, according to Charles R. Figley, director of the Traumatology

Institute at Florida State University and editor of The Journal of Traumatology.

“It is very unusual but extremely important to find this kind of

interdisciplinary and multidisciplinary research report,” Figley said.

“It accounts for cross-cultural differences in children’s emotional

response and their ability to cope with stress, including traumatic stress.”

Figley said Commons and Miller’s work illuminates a route of further

study and could have implications for everything from parents’ efforts to

intellectually stimulate infants to practices such as circumcision.

Commons has been a lecturer and research associate at the Medical School’s

Department of Psychiatry since 1987 and is a member of the Department’s

Program in Psychiatry and the Law.

Miller has been a research associate at the School’s Program in Psychiatry

and the Law since 1994 and an assistant professor of psychology at Salem

State College since 1993. She received master’s and doctorate degrees in

human development from the Graduate School of Education.

The pair say that American childrearing practices are influenced by fears

that children will grow up dependent. But they say that parents are on the

wrong track: physical contact and reassurance will make children more secure

and better able to form adult relationships when they finally head out on

their own.

“We’ve stressed independence so much that it’s having some very

negative side effects,” Miller said.

The two gained the spotlight in February when they presented their ideas

at the American Association for the Advancement of Science’s annual meeting

in Philadelphia.

Commons and Miller, using data Miller had worked on that was compiled

by Robert A. LeVine, Roy Edward Larsen Professor of Education and Human

Development, contrasted American childrearing practices with those of other

cultures, particularly the Gusii people of Kenya. Gusii mothers sleep with

their babies and respond rapidly when the baby cries.

“Gusii mothers watching videotapes of U.S. mothers were upset by

how long it took these mothers to respond to infant crying,” Commons

and Miller said in their paper on the subject.

The way we are brought up colors our entire society, Commons and Miller

say. Americans in general don’t like to be touched and pride themselves

on independence to the point of isolation, even when undergoing a difficult

or stressful time.

Despite the conventional wisdom that babies should learn to be alone,

Miller said she believes many parents “cheat,” keeping the baby

in the room with them, at least initially. In addition, once the child can

crawl around, she believes many find their way into their parents’ room

on their own.

American parents shouldn’t worry about this behavior or be afraid to

baby their babies, Commons and Miller said. Parents should feel free to

sleep with their infant children, to keep their toddlers nearby, perhaps

on a mattress in the same room, and to comfort a baby when it cries.

“There are ways to grow up and be independent without putting babies

through this trauma,” Commons said. “My advice is to keep the

kids secure so they can grow up and take some risks.”

Besides fears of dependence, the pair said other factors have helped

form our childrearing practices, including fears that children would interfere

with sex if they shared their parents’ room and doctors’ concerns that a

baby would be injured by a parent rolling on it if the parent and baby shared

the bed. Additionally, the nation’s growing wealth has helped the trend

toward separation by giving families the means to buy larger homes with

separate rooms for children.

The result, Commons and Miller said, is a nation that doesn’t like caring

for its own children, a violent nation marked by loose, nonphysical relationships.

“I think there’s a real resistance in this culture to caring for

children,” Commons said. But “punishment and abandonment has never

been a good way to get warm, caring, independent people.”