Attending Burning Man or Parenting a Toddler?



Our 12th most-read article of 2019

(Originally published August 26, 2019)

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1. You never shower without an audience.

2. The person who refused to wear sunscreen or drink water is now having a meltdown, and it’s your job to chase them around brandishing pickles and Gatorade until they chill out.

3. You can’t shut up about it.

4. There’s a song playing, and you’re pretty sure it’s the same song, and you’re pretty sure it’s been playing all day, but you’re not quite sure where it’s coming from or how to turn it off.

5. Everyone keeps going on and on about how much they’ve “grown.”

6. You eat the majority of your meals in your underwear.

7. You literally can’t remember the last time you got a good night’s sleep.

8. Your favorite outfit gets puke on it seconds after you put it on.

9. The one thing you desperately want to go to invariably gets eclipsed by a nap.

10. You get called seven different things over the course of a week, none of which are actually your name.

11. Someone finished the Cheez-Its, but no-one’s owning up to it.

12. The one time you attempt sex, you get interrupted by someone in a unicorn onesie and swim goggles jumping up and down on your mattress while begging you to make a grilled cheese.

13. You spend an inordinate amount of time discussing who’s been to the potty, and when.

14. A lot of the art isn’t actually that great.

15. You get involved in deep philosophical conversations about such powerful mysteries of the universe as: “Is this an apple? Are you sure? This isn’t an apple. Is this an apple?” and “Why do we have hands?”

16. Shirt-cocking.

17. You take a billion blurry pictures that nobody cares about but you.

18. You know it’s inconvenient, uncomfortable, annoying, and expensive, but you love it more than anything… except sleep. Boy, do you love sleep.

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Burning Man: 1-18

Parenting a toddler: 1-18