Is that loud gurgling noise the sound of a lost generation of working-class children being sucked down the educational plughole?

New figures reveal that the GCSE gap between rich and poor children is widening. Only one in three disadvantaged children achieved the government’s pass target of five A* to C grade passes, compared to 60% overall. The number of state schools that failed to reach the minimum target has more than doubled from the year before. Teach First, which recruits high-calibre graduates to teach in inner-city schools, and which analysed the statistics, described the situation as “shocking”, saying: “Things are getting worse for poorer children instead of better.”

There are caveats related to recent contentious changes in assessing school results. For instance, and possibly significantly for disadvantaged children, only the first attempt at a GCSE exam now goes towards the school’s overall pass rate, not subsequent resits, vocational or “equivalent” qualifications.

Arguably, this could be framed as the confusion to be expected when schools are forced to stop massaging figures. In the past, I’ve rolled my eyes at what appeared to be entrenched “resit culture”, whereupon resits were seen less as a safety net, rather as an official part of the exam journey. However, that was more of a whinge about “advantaged” kids, with pathetically over-fussing, micromanaging parents, basically, people like me.

Even with these caveats, evidence says that the results would still have been bad for poorer children, maybe even worse, the blame for which cannot be dumped at the door of educators. For various reasons, working-class children are more likely to face challenges at home or even a private area to do homework properly. Then there are the changes to GCSE assessment, where the marks are concentrated on end-of-course exams instead of coursework. Some claim, contrary to received wisdom, that this is far worse for poorer kids because they need the routine of doing coursework properly to build confidence, confidence they lack, relatively speaking, in formal exams.

This issue of exam confidence and experience rises again with resits – because schools will now be less likely to take a punt and put pupils in early for exams, because if they went badly these would be the only results that counted. It seems that when I was busy whingeing about posh kids feeling entitled to resits, I forgot those who might genuinely need more than one attempt. But isn’t this the essential tragedy of such children – they get forgotten?

The vast majority of children who don’t obtain decent GCSEs would not go on to take A-levels, never mind expensive degrees. So what? you might ask. Not everyone is destined to be academic – throughout history people have done just fine without going further in education.

Sure, but there used to be other options, such as the widespread system of apprenticeships, now virtually non-existent. The only internships that seem to matter go mainly to young people with financial support and connections or, at the very least, degrees and the priceless confidence that comes from attaining them.

It’s a different world for the lost generation of 16-year-old kids (and they are just kids), who have nowhere to go, once they’ve ballsed up their GCSEs. While they’ve always been with us, too many are becoming effectively redundant at a heartbreakingly young age. Why are these young people being forgotten – is it because they and their parents have no money, voice or influence?

If this situation feels perfectly acceptable to you, then that’s your right, but the next time a passing youth keys your car because they feel dangerously bored and listless, perhaps it’s time to accept that society’s unfairness and indifference to them might play a part.

It’s not just halal that’s inhumane

The number of animals killed in halal slaughterhouses without being stunned first has risen by 60%, according to the British Veterinary Association’s examination of figures from the Food Standards Agency. While the majority of Muslim premises stun livestock, there’s a growing return to a supposedly traditional method, with 37% of sheep and goats, 25% of cattle and 16% of poultry being killed while fully conscious.

The BVA’s petition on the government’s website, calling for a ban on no-stun practices regardless of religious beliefs, has reached 100,000 signatures, enough to prompt a Commons debate. The government merely says it would “prefer” animals to be stunned before slaughter.

I also strongly object to animals not being stunned, but I would extend that to all British abattoirs, not just some Muslim ones. While no-stun practices are barbaric, extending and intensifying animal suffering, regular abattoirs could also bear further scrutiny.

It may comfort some out there that people of some faiths don’t have their high ethical standards, but that’s a false comfort. What about horrors such as battery farming, appalling conditions in animal transportation and ongoing malpractice in slaughterhouses? Between 2009 and 2011, the charity Animal Aid randomly chose nine British slaughterhouses to secretly film inside and reported evidence of cruelty and illegal activity in eight of them. As well as animals having cigarettes put out on them, being thrown around, kicked and stamped on, many animals were inadequately stunned before slaughter.

Does that sound familiar? Whether an animal isn’t stunned, due to western incompetence or brutishness or because of an adherence to Islamic tradition, it makes naff all difference to the suffering animal. While I wish the BVA every success with its campaign, elements of this recurring issue come across as a grotesque carnival of blinkered hypocrisy.

Gwyneth, I really don’t think we need go there

Steady on, Gwyneth. Photograph: Jim Smeal / BEI/REX

Gwyneth Paltrow is recommending that women steam-clean their vaginas. According to Paltrow’s website, Goop, steaming would provide a “powerful internal cleanse” and balance hormone levels. In what is arguably taking advances in boil-in-a-bag technology too far, Paltrow says that people should visit some guru she likes, sit atop “what is essentially a mini-throne and a combination of infrared and mugwort steam cleanses your uterus et al”. Don’t you just love that “et al” – so much classier than a list of gynaecological names or any other form of real information?

Paltrow isn’t alone with vaginal steaming – it was also covered on that respected medical programme, This Morning. However, now that Gwynnie is steaming away, the world will doubtless follow and the fact that gynaecologists are expressing concern is neither here nor there. Looking on the bright side, this could lend a whole new frisson to the phrase “putting the kettle on” and give A&E staff some exciting new cases to study.

So well done to Paltrow for giving womankind the opportunity to stress about the cleanliness of their uteruses; it’s a nice novelty to have an internal body part to fret over.