Sure, you don’t know about me without you have read a book by the name of The Art of the Deal; but that ain’t no matter. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. And you’re the meaning in my life—you’re the inspiration. Freedom? Well, that’s just some people talking. Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose. Different strokes for different folks, and so on and so on and scooby dooby doo. Are we humans, or are we dancer? Did you know that I see dead people? I’ll bet you didn’t know that about me. Ronald Reagan. Abraham Lincoln. Eisenhower, great guy, I forget his first name. Kennedy. He was a Republican, right? And Reagan, again. They remind me that I am BIG! It’s the politics that got small. Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango? I got a lot to say, I got a lot to say, I got a lot to say. I can’t remember now, I can’t remember now, I can’t remember now.

Oh, that’s right! I remember now. Melania! What a woman! I’m hooked and I can’t stop staring! Love means never having to say you’re sorry!

And what about my running mate? Great guy! Say hello to my little friend, my precious, Newt Ging— I mean, Chris Christ— I mean, Mike Pence! You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find— I mean, life is like a box of chocolates: You never know what you’re gonna get! I mean, nobody puts Mikey in a corner! I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship! Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer! Brevity is the soul of wit! Fathers, be good to your daughters, daughters will love like you do! Girls become lovers, who turn into mothers, so mothers, be good to your daughters, too! Just look at Ivanka!

In conclusion: This campaign: It’s alive! It’s alive! Also I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore! In New York, we have a problem. Atlanta, we have a problem. Los Angeles, we have a problem. Houston, we have a problem. The years start coming, and they don’t stop coming! Fed to the rules, and I hit the ground running! I grow old... I grow old… I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled! Every man dies; not every man really lives! And so, now, I feel the need—the need for speed. Because there’s no place like home. And greed, for lack of a better word, is good! So tell ‘em to go out there with all they got and win just one for the Gipper. Lincoln, right? Anyway, the point is, we will not go gently into the night! We will not go down without a fight! We will live on. I’ve got all my life to live, and I’ve got all my love to give, and I will survive! Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end! And tomorrow is another day! And I’ll be back! Thank you.

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