THE INTERNET – A tranquil afternoon on the web was interrupted today when millions of teenage users with no concept of politics or common sense saved the world by type-chanting “Remember, remember, the 5th of November.” Facebook and Twitter feeds flooded with the phrase just in time to stop all global warming, patriarchy and children from starving.

“We’re really doing something that matters,” said the President of Anonymous, the noted hacker consortium. “All of the world’s problems are slowly melting away and it’s all because of us.”

Going by the handle “Xyzzy” and wearing his trademark fedora, the bold leader described his experiences with the many atrocities brought on by forgetting the 5th of November. “Families fall apart, disease spreads and no one does anything about it,” he continued. “It was time for meaningful action. That’s why we do what we do.”

Upon being asked about the origin of the phrase and the meaning behind it, our brave protector put on a plastic Guy Fawkes mask and shrugged.

Anonymous has gained notoriety in the past for heroic deeds like alerting Oprah to a pedophile network, accusing Glenn Beck of raping and murdering a young girl in 1990, hacking Sony’s website, and taking steroids. They’ve briefly stepped outdoors to combat Wall Street as part of the Occupy movement. However, due to their sensitive skin caused by severe lack of sunlight, they are rarely seen anywhere else for very long.

“Real change comes from within,” Anonymous’ Secretary of the Treasury, “f1re”, explained. “Within my room. It’s cold outside.” He then went on to make Fox News better.

President Obama praised these faceless do-gooders by extending their allotted wifi time at home.

James Webb hates redditors with a passion and is currently hiding behind 7 proxies. Good luck.