So apparently my first column at Cracked really rustled some jimmies. That's cool. I've been rustling jimmies for a long time, and I'm pretty good at it. That I'm saying "rustling jimmies" is probably rustling a few jimmies right now, in fact. And while I never thought I would earn a handsome living at it, that's just what I've been doing for going on six years now. Not much amazes me anymore, but I'm still always a bit shocked at people who don't understand how the Internet operates. So out of sheer graciousness, I decided to give you all some insight into how trolling the Internet for fun and profit actually works. Hopefully this will help you to craft better indignant comments in the future.

6 I Always Tell the Truth, Even When I Troll

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Yes, I'm trolling you. No, that doesn't mean that I don't more or less mean every word that I say in my writing. But I punch up my style and put it in the way most likely to irritate people who deserve to be irritated. And if I'm irritating you, that probably means you're an uptight square just begging to be fucked with. When I'm writing, I literally take time to determine how I can phrase something in a way that will provoke the greatest amount of butthurt from sea to shining sea.