Mario is a staple of gaming; an altruistic, plucky, mustachioed plumber more beloved and universally recognized at this point than Mickey Mouse. Surely no one would take the time to besmirch his beloved image with the equivalent of visual sleaze, right? Welcome to the Internet. Please, follow me:

Peach in a Diaper

by butterMYbiscuits12

There are two kinds of people in this world: people who merely have diaper fetishes, and the people who want to attribute these diaper fetishes to fictitious, fungal-based royalty. Although, is the 1-Up mushroom some kind of profound emblem for the gift of life? In that Peach’s nether regions are the only things capable of the gift of life and symbolic of the crux of all existence? Only butterMYbiscuits12 knows the true answer.

Female Bowser

by vaginaw4rrior

If an iconic turtle-dinosaur is drawn as a sexy reptilian stripper and no one is around to see it, is it still disturbing? I remember being asked that very same question in philosophy class. Well, okay, it wasn’t really philosophy class; it was actually the scary voice in my head who I named “Philosophy Class”. Still, he may not have been “real” but, hot damn, did he have some really great ideas.

Also, do reptiles even need massive breasts like that? (Or bob-ombs, as the picture would suggest.) What would be the purpose? It’s not like any reptile ever has been nursed by the milk-secreting organ of female mammals for survival’s sake, so I guess those voluminous mounds are just purely ornamental. And fantastic. Uh, sorry… did I really type that instead of just think it?

Pregnant Birdo

by Miscarriage Mayhem

This is the obligatory horribly-pregnant-fan-art-that-no-one-wants-to-see entry for this month. Notice the luscious curves of this impregnated Mario character and try not to think about the fact that Birdo was originally supposed to be male. Yes, stare at him intently and do your best not to fall to your knees and weep with the tears of every Native American Chief that ever existed.

Anime Schoolgirl Mario

by tampaxDildos997

I don’t know, something tells me Mario’s legs’d be a lot more muscular than that — considering all the hopping around he does.

Need a little Mario-related eye bleach to wash the pain away? Read Super Mario Adventures, a collection of comics that originally ran in Nintendo Power magazine in 1992-93.