Peer pressure is the greatest challenge facing middle school children. These kids know right from wrong. They know when an idea is bad. But the pressure is often too much to bear, so at the tender age of 12, they cave into it. The need to belong overcomes their common sense. So imagine how I felt caving into peer pressure at the tender age of 57. In fact, not just caving in, but folding like a cheap card table. Who were these culprits taking advantage of my youth and naivete? They were a group of “well-oiled” friends. (Clue: oil is code for the nectar squeezed from the precious agave plant.)

This tragedy began suddenly, and without warning. Someone casually suggested, “Let’s play Cards Against Humanity.” I had never heard of the game. I opened the box and looked at an “answer” card. The answer included a crude and overtly graphic description of a popular female body part. I immediately knew this was wrong, very wrong, and voiced my opposition. The crowd turned on me. The word “prude” was mentioned.

Cards Against Humanity involves a player selecting a “question” card. The player reads the question aloud, and then each of the other players chooses one of their answer cards to match it. A player scores a point if the player who read the question picks their answer as the best. To avoid being sued by the multinational corporation that owns this wholesome, family friendly game, I will make up a sample question: “Bill Clinton would like nothing better than to dive into to a vat of ___________.” Answer cards might be as benign as “bar room peanuts,” to other answers involving excrement or sexual parts (Example: “A bag of [famous male body parts]”). Note to legislators: Please pass a law outlawing this game for anyone under the age of 45. This age limit is premised on the assumption that anyone older, at least those with a shred of dignity (a group which I have sadly demonstrated does not include me), would cringe at the notion of playing it.

Let me summarize the experience this way: Run! If you see this game in a store, or someone even mentions it, get the “H – E – double toothpicks” out of there. There is even a warning on the box-

It’s a game for horrible people! It says so RIGHT ON THE BOX!

As someone always trying to keep an open mind, I must point out a possible exception: If you are a college fraternity freshman who has recently shot-gunned a six pack followed immediately by a “major” bong hit, this might be the game for you. But even so, please refrain from putting peer pressure on any nearby 57-year-olds.

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