I'm sorry. As you know, this hurts not because you didn't get a cake but because it told you you're wallpaper to the people you care about most. It's an exquisitely painful moment, as anyone who has been there will recognize--and, if it helps, I think a lot of people have been there. It's a moment that can come when you're a kid watching other family members get favored, when you have roommates who get along better with each other than they do with you, when you're a parent and your kids take-take-take as if you're more Coke machine than human.

And it can come when you're married and your spouse's attention is mainly directed elsewhere--to your child(ren), a job, to his or her family of origin, to a cause ...

What I suggest for the marriage is counseling, just for you if he won't go. Start talking this out in a purposeful way before you "coast" right off a cliff.

For the kids, I suggest exactly what you've come to, that they're at an age where they miss this stuff. The fact that they're on it now is important and a good sign.

And for the birthday, I suggest you reverse the "too late" declaration and let them do something. Figure out what you want, and do it. A day trip with everyone, maybe? A weekend away just for you, where they all pitch in by assuming your responsibilities while you're gone? A return to something you all once did as a family, as a kind of touchstone?

And overall, I suggest thinking big. One phase of your life is nearing a close, so it's time to start planning for the next one. What do you envision now? What changes are possible to make it more appealing?