I'M proud to barrack for two AFL teams.

Said no Melburnian ever. And if you have uttered those words, you have a lot of explaining to do.

Compiled by the Herald Sun Department of Internet, here are the 50 phrases that are hardly ever spoken by a citizen of this great metropolis.

MORE: TOP #ThingsMelburniansNeverSay READER SUBMISSIONS HERE

If you have said any of these - and you weren't kidding, drunk or from Sydney - you need to explain yourself.

Here they are.

1. I might have instant coffee today. It all sort of tastes the same anyway.

2. Dumplings are cheap, but they're hardly date food.

3. I'd better get to the platform two minutes ahead of time just in case the train is early.

4. These buskers should be on the stage. Bravo.

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6. There's so much on TV tonight!

7. Come to think of it, due to its size and level of cultural and political influence, Melbourne isn't that much like New York.

8. Spring racing patrons uphold the noblest cultural traditions.

9. Flagstaff. This is my stop.

10. I'd better think of other commuters and keep my feet off the seats.



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12. How can this cafe claim to have good breakfast when their chairs are milk crates?

13. It's sunny this morning. No need for the umbrella.

HAVE YOU EVER SAID ANY OF THESE? EXPLAIN IN THE COMMENTS SECTION BELOW

14. What have you got to do to find a Pho restaurant around here?

15. I'll call you while I'm going through the loop.

16. What would a guy with tattoos and a beard know about making paella?

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18. Don't be silly. Salt and caramel shouldn't go together.

19. I'll take a cab - that's probably the cheapest way.

20. I'll take a cab - they'll know where to go.

21. I'll take a cab - they're everywhere.

22. I'll book a table.



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24. If that's what the forecast says, that's how I'll plan my weekend.

25. Holding the ball rule is easy to understand. I'll explain it to you.

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26. South Melbourne Market or not South Melbourne Market, this dim sim just tastes like a dim sim.

27. None of my friends would ever buy clothes from an op shop.

28. Just going for a swim in the Yarra.

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30. I'm proud to barrack for two teams.

31. I remember all the highs and lows from the 2006 Melbourne Commonwealth Games.

32. The Suns are a credible finals contender without Gary Ablett.

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33. The Suns would have been a credible finals contender with Gary Ablett.

34. Even if Geoff Shaw did take all those rorts, he seems fit to be in Parliament.

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36. You're dating a barista? Can't you do better than that?

37. I'm sick of all this quality wine!

38. Mick Malthouse press conferences are a rich source of wisdom and life advice.

39. Gabi Grecko and that old doctor are fine ambassadors for this city.

40. Macarons that taste like tea and almonds? Couldn't I just drink tea and eat almonds?

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42. You going to the League game tonight?

43. Taking a taxi to the airport is surely one of many credible transport options.

KNOW SOMETHING MELBURNIANS WOULD NEVER SAY? SAY IT, JUST THIS ONCE, BELOW

44. My weekend trip to Bunnings is a soulless, cold waste of time.

45. No cocktail is worth $18.

46. God I miss Blue Heelers.

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48. To cut costs, I'll buy dinner at the footy.

49. Do you have XXXX Gold on tap?

50. We must accept that soccer is a world game that will eventually overtake Australian Rules.

MORE: TOP #ThingsMelburniansNeverSay READER SUBMISSIONS HERE

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DEPARTMENT OF INTERNET: Ultimate public transport etiquette guide

TRUE OR MYTH? Melbourne's urban legends tested

MELBOURNE INVENTION: The T-shirt that never gets wet

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mitchell.toy@news.com.au