I was not born deaf, I lost my hearing suddenly as an adult at age 20. Since I had already acquired language proficiency, it was not hard for me to start lip reading when people speak. I am not going to write this from the actual point of view of someone that was born deaf. I am not going to talk about how I lost it, but rather the struggles of being it, in a country like Nigeria.

So what does it mean to be deaf in Nigeria?

1. Commuting in Lagos is war!

Leaving the house and going out is usually very stressful, especially when I am visiting a place for the first time. Before I became deaf, it was hard enough to hear what bus conductors say, how much more now. Also, I almost never stay out late unless I am with a friend who can help me navigate, reason being, once it is late, it is dark, and Nigeria being the dark country it is at night, you can imagine how hard lip reading would be in a situation where there is bus scarcity and people are rushing to board the available buses, and I am there still asking people where the bus is going. At times like this, no one is listening, and then you are on your own. It is tough always being the last person to leave the bus-stop. There’s also the issue of actually being in the bus and then the bus driver asks “Who has not collected change yet?” in Yoruba language, of course. Since I won’t hear them ask, asking for bus change sometimes leads to arguments when I eventually ask.

Listening to the noise levels of your surroundings helps people know when to lower their voice or speak louder, (something hearing people take for granted) this translates to me struggling with knowing when to speak loudly or lower my voice. So in the bus, when I unknowingly speak too loudly, say when I ask the conductor for my change or ask the driver to stop the bus at my bus stop, I get a lot of awkward stares from people. Or when I ask the driver to stop at my bus-stop in a very low voice, and they don’t hear me, it is never fun. Let’s just say I have had to trek back from where I was dropped to my real bus stop a number of times.

In situations like this, is when it really hits you how bad and unstructured Nigeria’s public transport system is. In developed countries where the transport systems are well structured, and most bus-routes are labelled and displayed and also have a ticketing system, it makes for a better life for disabled citizens of these countries to go about their daily lives. We have zero accessibility for disabled citizens in Nigeria and this really needs work.

2. Boys :(

Boys automatically think you are desperate, once they know you can’t hear. Smh! God I met stupid guys like that in Zamfara camp where I was posted for NYSC a mere five months after I lost my hearing. There was this one boy that kept pestering me in camp. I don’t know, maybe because I kept saying no to him and he got vindictive. He decided to tell me and I kid you not “See you…Are you not deaf? Instead of you to be happy that I am asking you out.” Needless to say, I changed it for him, and walked out.

This got me thinking really hard, like his expectations were that I won’t have any self-esteem and that once he asked me out, I’d jump at the opportunity because I am deaf and I am never going to find someone duhhh. You wish. There was another one too, (Lanre, I am looking at you and judging you). This one was even romantic. His crime was that he looked me right in the eyes, tilted his head, in the most romantic way and in what I imagine to be a gentle voice (judging by his demeanor) and said to me “Yinka, I really like you…even in your condition.” BwaHahahahahahahahahahah! I laughed, and laughed, and laughed in his face, because I found what he said ridiculously funny and then I turned to my phone to continue reading Quora. I know someone reading this might think “What’s wrong with what he said? Don’t you have a condition?”. Well, let me tell you, I know that. But you don’t tell a girl you like, that you “like her, even in her condition” because it is condescending and rude and you are sort of putting yourself on a pedestal like, I am up here and you are down there, but I still want to manage you. It is textbook negging. If you have ever read “The Game” you know what I mean.

At the end of the day, it all boils down to the same thing, they expect you to be vulnerable, cheap, willing, ready, desperate and to have a low self esteem. It is pathetic. Maybe this is not exclusive to Nigeria, but I haven’t ever left Nigeria so, I wouldn’t know.

3. Getting Hit By Cars

Everyday before I leave the house, I say a special prayer to God to protect me all day. I never forget to say this prayer, because it is really important to me. I have almost gotten hit by cars so many times now, it’s not even funny. I have gotten hit by bikes twice too. Almost getting hit happens frequently to me because somewhere deep in my head, my brain keeps forgetting that I’m deaf and that I won’t hear a car horn if at all there is one. I used to get yelled at a lot by car drivers , then I’d feel bad and then I’d go home and cry. It does not happen as much these days. I look left and right and right again and back, especially back.

4. Random Strangers Mad at Me

If I had a penny for every time random strangers or people I just met frowned at me, I’d be a zillionaire. Their frown is usually followed by them walking up to me or tapping me and saying in indignation things like “Haba sister, but I was greeting you now” or “You proud o, I dey greet you good evening good evening good evening, but you no answer na wa o.” While some just frown and give me bad eyes without saying anything, but experience has taught me it’s probably because they said something to me which I didn’t hear. With which I reply “sorry, I didn’t hear you”. I used to say “Sorry, I am deaf” but it usually falls to deaf ears. Which leads me to…

5. People don’t believe you are deaf

Wawu

Every once in a while, I have to tell people I just met that I am deaf. These are usually people I need to converse with, and telling them makes the whole process of relating with them smoother and less stressful for both parties. They almost always react with disbelief at this revelation, as if I were playing a cruel joke on them. Some reply with “come on, be serious”, while some say “but you can talk”, I also get “psst, fine geh like you”. It is exhausting. A lot of Nigerians have misconceptions and are very uninformed when it comes to disabilities. Very uninformed. My theory is that when people think of a disabled person or to be more specific a deaf person, they have this image in their head of a beggar in dirty clothes, with a placard that reads “help me, I am deaf” dangling from their neck, bowl in hand, ready to collect any alms people are merciful enough to provide. It sucks if this is what people think of, but who can blame them, there are so many disabled people on the streets of Lagos begging and homeless, that it is hard to imagine them as anything other than beggars. I get it.

6. Conversations can be very stressful

Conversations can be stressful for both parties involved. I’ve said ehn so many times now since 2015, it’s not even funny. Lip reading is extremely hard. It is hard because when you have to converse with a lot of different people with different speaking styles and accents in different languages, you have to throw out all you’ve learnt about reading lips and start afresh with any new individual you are going to be speaking with. Different people say the same words in a million different ways. The language I excel with lip reading the most is Yoruba language, followed by English. I also struggle with people who speak really fast. Oh the horror, when I travelled to Zamfara for NYSC camp in May, 2016 and I tried to converse with people who had the northern Nigerian accent. I could not understand a word they said. I suspect this is because, before I lost my hearing, I had zero/little exposure to Hausas or Fulanis or people from northern Nigeria in general. So this means reading the lips of white people is likely to be difficult for me.

I think what makes conversation exhausting for me is the worry that I am stressing the people who speak with me, since they have to go the extra mile while talking to me by actually being patient, as in very patient, some have to pen down what they are trying to communicate when I don’t get them. I also have to watch people’s lips while they are talking which can come off as creepy I think, (no one has told me this yet) when I am speaking with someone who does not know I am deaf.

7. People equate deaf with dumb

I have to cope with people who speak to me like, since I am deaf, I am must be dumb, people who try to be condescending and automatically assume I’ll put up with their bullshit, also boys who think I am going to be easy prey (see no 2 above). Ultimately, I have learnt to ignore or sometimes call out these kind of people on their behavior, because now I understand that a lot of their behavior stems from ignorance.

8. Dealing with weird/snide/just plain dumb remarks

Although ignorance is the major reason people who find out I am deaf say silly things but some of the comments are just arrrgh! For the love of good and pure things, if you find out I am deaf ,

do not tell me to repent so that I’ll be healed

do not tell me to get ear transplants, THERE ARE NO SUCH THINGS!

What is wrong with you?

do not try to introduce me to your pastor or babalawo, and then when I say no, assume I am not serious with my life.

do not tell me “you are deaf? fine girl like you”. As though being a “fine girl” is the be all and end all of a girl’s existence.

try not to say eeyah, just try. Often, this comment comes from a good place, but there is nothing to be sorry about, really.

don’t tell me “I don’t look deaf”. There’s no look, silly!

don’t tell me “you are smart for a deaf person” or “you speak well for a deaf person” or “you are confident for a deaf person” and other variations; enough with the back-handed compliments. Just go ahead and tell me I am smart/confident/speak well. You won’t die.

9. Coping with Tinnitus

I suffer from tinnitus. Tinnitus, according to Mayo Clinic, is the perception of noise and ringing in the ear. It usually happens to people with hearing loss or head trauma and the like. In deaf people, it is a coping mechanism the brain adopts to cope with sudden deafness. The brain tries to produce fake noise to make up for the absence of sound in the ear. It really is my brain trying to protect me. Instead of having silence in my ear, I have this noise present in my ear, day and night with no kill switch. It is like having your radio on static without being able to switch it off. It is torture. This has nothing to do with Nigeria. Moving on….

10. No Assistive Technology

In Nigeria, little thought is put into making life bearable for people living with all kinds of disability. I was at the Federal medical Centre, Abeokuta in December, 2015. The ENT (Ear Nose and Throat) specialist told me they were supposed to test my ears but their equipment were not functioning. This is a federal hospital, owned and controlled by the federal government! They lacked the basic equipment needed to run hearing tests! It is disturbing. They had to refer me to another hospital. At this hospital after the tests, they recommended hearing aids which had to be shipped from outside the country at a ridiculous price too. Come on! Hearing aids are not exactly new technology. How come we don’t have these in the country? Like seriously, anywhere. Is it that bad? If there are no hearing aids, how can there be cochlear implants or machinery for sound therapy. The rest of the world has gone so far and we have chosen to stay behind and be happy with the status quo.

There are numerous advances in technology which have led to products that make like easier for the disabled such as TTY; which helps people with hearing loss or deafness use the telephone, alerting systems such as alarm clocks for the deaf, visual alert signalers to monitor household events like knocks on the door, microwaves, telephones ringing, baby crying; you name it.

Furthermore, our television networks make no attempt to subtitle their content at all. The ones who do, don’t do it for the deaf, they do it so viewers who don’t understand the language can follow along. I am looking at you African Magic. Also, the movie houses and cinemas, zero attempt. It is sad.

11. Living Alone

I moved out of my parent’s home in October, 2017, so I could be closer to my new developer job in Surulere. I didn’t think anything of being a single deaf girl leaving in a one room self-contained apartment on a not so nice street in Lagos. I was happy to finally be on my own and I was feeling very independeaf (pun absolutely intended), until someone broke into my room, in the middle of the night at about 2 AM while I was inside. I was just getting ready to sleep, and then I saw my door wide open. The thief actually broke the lock on my door which I imagine must have been very loud and I didn’t hear a thing. He came in and then proceeded to break bottle on the floor and started looking for what he could steal. He took my laptop, but I grabbed it back from him in anger (In retrospect, that was a dumb move, do not try this at home), before shouting thief. He stabbed me on the palm before making a run for it. He didn’t take anything.

My house had a gate, and I had neighbors, men and women. Yet, this thief singled me out for a burglary. This goes to show that whoever the thief was, knew beforehand that I was a single girl who lived alone. He probably also knew I was deaf. In his eyes, I was easy prey. That is another thing to watch out for in Nigeria as a deaf girl. Anyway, I have decided to get protection.