Same-sex couples see stories mix with history SAN FRANCISCO On eve of state Supreme Court's marriage hearing, they reflect on thwarted weddings, why they sued

###Live Caption: At the National Center for Lesbian Rights, Jenny Pizer (left), Lambda legal senior counsel, talking with same sex couple Pali Cooper (middle) and Jeanne Rizzo (right) who are plaintiffs in the marriage cases in the California Supreme Court speak about their case in San Francisco, Calif., on Monday, March 3, 2008. Photo by Liz Hafalia/San Francisco Chronicle ###Caption History: At the National Center for Lesbian Rights, Jenny Pizer (left), Lambda legal senior counsel, talking with same sex couple Pali Cooper (middle) and Jeanne Rizzo (right) who are plaintiffs in the marriage cases in the California Supreme Court speak about their case in San Francisco, Calif., on Monday, March 3, 2008. Photo by Liz Hafalia/San Francisco Chronicle ###Notes: At the National Center for Lesbian Rights, Jenny Pizer (left), Lambda legal senior counsel, talking with same sex couple Pali Cooper (middle) and Jeanne Rizo (right) who are plaintiffs in the marriage cases in the California Supreme Court. They speak a ###Special Instructions: �2008, San Francisco Chronicle/ Liz Hafalia MANDATORY CREDIT FOR PHOTOG AND SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE. NO SALES- MAGS OUT. less ###Live Caption:At the National Center for Lesbian Rights, Jenny Pizer (left), Lambda legal senior counsel, talking with same sex couple Pali Cooper (middle) and Jeanne Rizzo (right) who are plaintiffs in the ... more Photo: Liz Hafalia Photo: Liz Hafalia Image 1 of / 3 Caption Close Same-sex couples see stories mix with history 1 / 3 Back to Gallery

Ida Matson and Myra Beals didn't make it to their appointment to get married at San Francisco City Hall. They were to trade vows March 12, 2004, a day after the California Supreme Court halted the city's 29-day run of same-sex nuptials.

But the couple had done some prep work. Matson and Beals had invited loved ones to a celebration in San Francisco. They'd bought silver and gold rings.

After 27 years together, they were intent on getting hitched, ruling or no ruling. So they drove to the city from their Mendocino home. While locked in traffic in San Rafael, they slipped the rings on each others' right hands, leaned across the center console of their 1996 Honda Accord and negotiated a speedy kiss.

"We looked at each other and said, 'We've got to do this for ourselves,' " Matson said Monday.

It was a private moment in what became a very public fight for them and the other 14 gay and lesbian couples who are claiming discrimination in suing the state over its law defining marriage as the union of a man and a woman.

The case takes a big step today with a three-hour hearing before the state Supreme Court in San Francisco, which is considering the constitutionality of the law. A ruling is due within 90 days.

The couples - many of whom will watch a live broadcast of today's hearing in the Koret Auditorium of San Francisco's Main Library - have made a point of sharing their most delicate stories. They believe that many Americans will see their faces, feel a closer connection to the debate and change their minds.

Opponents of same-sex marriage say the emotional appeals are aimed at swaying public opinion but should mean little to the high court, which they believe ought to defer on the issue to the Legislature and the voters.

"If the court does its job, it will look solely at the law," said Andrew Pugno, chief counsel for the Prop. 22 Legal Defense Fund, which was established to protect the 2000 ballot measure that reinforced the opposite-sex-only marriage law.

"Our system would fall apart if we changed the law every time a small minority felt personal anguish about what the law does and does not say," Pugno said. "I have personal anguish that I pay too much taxes, but no one feels sorry for me."

Three of the couples suing the state spoke Monday at the San Francisco office of the National Center for Lesbian Rights, which is co-counsel for 11 couples involved in the lawsuit. They said they started out trying to make a personal commitment, but now see an opportunity to make history.

"It's a little scary," said Jewelle Gomez, who lives with her partner of 16 years, Diane Sabin, in San Francisco. "Mostly it's an opportunity to feel everything you're dedicated to come together in one circumstance."

Gomez added, "It's also a little bit annoying. You see movies like 'The Wedding Planner' about young love. But those people aren't putting their lives together under the scrutiny of the Supreme Court and the press."

One couple initially involved in the lawsuit split up after an eight-year relationship. Those who remain range in age from late 30s to late 80s.

One couple has been together for eight years, while San Francisco activists Phyllis Lyon and Del Martin have endured for 56. They were the first to marry at City Hall in February 2004.

Jeanne Rizzo and Pali Cooper of Tiburon were the first to be denied a month later, told they couldn't wed in front of more than 50 supporters.

Rizzo broke down, as photos in what would have been her wedding album show. The couple still had a party that night, though their guests didn't know whether to bring along gifts.

Within hours, Rizzo and Cooper had been enlisted to sue the state and had written declarations on their plight. That night, Cooper said, the private became public.

"I realized it wasn't about us anymore, but about the issue," she said. "It switched to become an opportunity."

The past four years have seen both high and low moments, the couples said.

To hear their lawyers argue in court, they said, is to have some of their greatest wishes expressed on a grand stage. To go to the weddings of straight friends is to feel "twinges of longing," said Rizzo. To see a child holding a sign outside a courthouse that says, "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve," is frightening, Gomez said.

The couples point out that their ability to enter into domestic partnerships does not guarantee them rights equal to married spouses, such as insurance and Social Security payments to survivors.

"I never know that if something happened to one of us, whether we'd be able to speak for each other and have it honored," Beals said. "That's a little scary."

Also worrisome to the couples is the prospect of defeat, of losing both the personal and the larger fight.

"It will be very personal if this doesn't turn out the way we want," Gomez said. "You bank so much on spending the rest of your life together."