Being a bit of a food nut, I have this belief that only when you’ve amalgamated all the possible combinations of edible flavours/textures/smells in the world, can you begin to create a working food thesaurus in the database of your mind.

The flavour thesaurus by Niki Segnit is a good source of inspiration, but only for wimps.

*Please note that the adjective “edible” should not be taken literally, but interpreted in a similar fashion to the sentences: “The singer Justin Bieber” or “The dancer Miley Cyrus”.

Surströmming

While living in Sweden, I came across this bizarre phenomenon. Described to me as “fish that has been left to rot in a tin can”, of course it had to be tried. It looks like this:

When people tell you that jam jars should always be checked to make sure that the cap does not indent and you should never eat from a bulging can for fear of acquiring botulism (amongst other things) -this is what the surströmming tin looks like in its unperturbed state:

When it is subsequently perturbed, the first confirmation that you are indeed about to taste the real deal -rather than some rip off rotten fish- is the release of a noxious mushroom cloud of sulphur dioxide mixed with a hint of the sea. Indeed, if the Kraken used perfumes then I believe this would be his go-to cologne, labeled: “For days when I wish to terrorise the sea”.

As for the taste, it’s difficult to say. For when you have successfully fought the evolutionary force that has kept your ancestors alive by preventing them from ingesting toxic waste, you’ve got to overcome the chemical reaction of acid burning your tongue. The final touch in the symphony of taste is an overwhelming urge to throw up, which if you manage to overcome then I believe someone, somewhere, should give you a little gold star as a congratulatory gesture. But all in all, not a bad experience!

Fried Scorpions

Note the plural nature of the subtitle. Because one is simply not enough. “When you pop, you just can’t stop”.

Unfortunately, no, it does not taste like Pringles, despite my best efforts to market it as such. But, it really is quite tasty. However, if you do have a choice in the matter, I would opt for scorpions with a larger body mass index. This would substantially decrease the surface area to volume ratio, giving you more of a land crustacean rather than a crunchy wall paper experience.

Malawian Mice

Of course you do not have to source your mice solely from Malawi, but I rather liked the alliteration.

While living in Malawi, I was informed of a local delicacy -Mbewa or the roasted field mice. Not being one to overlook a tasting opportunity, I diligently sourced a chubby one from the nearest street corner. Like cocaine, it comes in plastic bags. Unlike cocaine, it does not cause premature coronary vasospasm in the investment banking population. In a country that is obsessed with growing nutrition-poor crops such as cassava and maize, this is a delightful bit of protein that’s always been popular. Not only to fend off malnutrition but also to add a bit of colour to the dining plate (nsima is the staple food. Made of maize flour, it resembles wallpaper paste that has been over zealously mixed).

In terms of taste, it’s not actually that bad. I would have preferred it medium rare and without the fur, but you’ve got to pick your battles. Here’s a video of my friends giving it a go:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fC-8C84hBtQ

After seeing this at the Pompeii exhibition in the British museum however:

A jar for feeding and fattening dormice from the Roman city of Pompeii 79AD.

I thought to myself, if only I could have introduced some technology from 2000 years ago…

I teach iOS app development at the London App Brewery. Find out more about what I do here: http://kck.st/29ACTI3