If you want to be taken care of as you get older, your best bet is to have a daughter, not a son, according to research presented last week at the American Sociological Association's annual meeting. Researchers from Princeton University found that daughters spend more than twice the amount of time as sons taking care of elderly parents, which caregiving experts say underscores the need to make plans for your elderly years long before you reach them.

The researchers analyzed data from the University of Michigan Health and Retirement Study, which surveys more than 26,000 Americans over age 50 every two years about a variety of topics, including health care, and found that while women spend an average of 12.3 hours each month taking care of their elderly parents, men only spend 5.6 hours. “Sons reduce their relative caregiving efforts when they have a sister, while daughters increase theirs when they have a brother,” study author Angelina Grigoryeva, a doctoral candidate in sociology at Princeton University, said in a statement. “This suggests that sons pass on parent caregiving responsibilities to their sisters.”

The findings aren’t new, says Carole Cox​, a professor at Fordham University’s Graduate School of Social Service. Researchers often see caregiving responsibilities passed off to daughters, and while the reasoning behind this is unclear, it’s likely a cultural one. “Kids see their mom as a caregiver, and the idea that women are the ones who are supposed to fill that role becomes ingrained,” she says. “Women often feel guilty if they don’t take up the position as caregiver, even though fewer and fewer women are staying at home these days.”

That’s not to say that men don’t help their parents, but it’s usually in a different way than women, Cox says. “Sons are more likely to help manage finances or help with transportation,” she says. “Daughters are the ones who help with the daily tasks like bathing, dressing and feeding.”

This poses a women’s health issue, Cox says, because caregivers are at a higher risk of developing conditions such as depression or anxiety. “Caregivers ignore their own symptoms, because they feel like they have to take care of the other person,” she says.

For that reason, it’s imperative to get all siblings involved when a parent needs care, Cox says. “You can develop a spreadsheet that delineates who’s responsible for what task on what days, so it doesn’t fall on one person,” she says. “Spread the responsibilities around, and make sure no one has to shoulder the whole load.”



But it's even more important to set up a plan so you don’t place that burden on your kids as you age, says Karen Lincoln​, an associate professor at the University of Southern California’s School of Social Work and associate director of USC's Roybal Institute on Aging. “The best thing you can do is purchase long-term care insurance,” Lincoln says. “You pay your premium, and if and when you need it, in-home care, nursing homes, transportation and other caregiving expenses are all paid for.”

However, long-term care insurance can be very expensive – the average cost for a 55-year-old couple is $2,466 per year, according to the American Association for Long-Term Care Insurance, and for a 60-year-old couple, the price jumps to $3,381 per year. Plus, many people fail to qualify for the insurance because of pre-existing conditions, which are not covered by long-term care insurance.​ Nursing homes are another viable option, but can cost more than $90,000​ every year. “For those who can’t afford it, it’s important to sit down and discuss your long-term care plan with your family,” Lincoln says. “Will someone move in with you? Will you have a rotating shift?”