ROB: Prior to your 18th birthday. Did an adult in the household often or very often swear at you, insult you, put you down or humiliate you or act the way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt?” Yes. Music Cue RAE v/o: My dad is an amazing person. And I love him more than he will ever know. RAE v/o: My dad has told me that he has been through trauma ROB: Was a household member depressed mentally ill or did a household member attempt suicide? Yes. Did a household member go to prison? Yes. ROB: My parents were parents are drug addicts. You know my father was an alcoholic. My mother was a heroin addict. Then I got older and I jumped in the same cycle. ROB: Did you live with anyone who has a problem drinking or alcohol can I’d use street drugs. Yes. RAE v/o: He was abused when he was little, and his parents did drugs. ROB: My father was an alcoholic and my mother was a heroin addict. And I got older and I jumped into the same cycle. (CUT-The list goes on and on and on and how many times I’ve been in and out of jail.) RAE v/o: There’s good things about my dad that I want to look up to. But I need him to be there for me more than he already is. TEXT: Of Rob’s four children, only one communicates with him, his 10 year old daughter Raeann. Sound up: Phone ring Scene: Rae: Hi daddy! Rob: Hi peanut. How was school? Rae: Good Rob: What you do today? Rae; My math quiz that I have every Friday. And I got 100 percent. Rob: That’s good Rae: And tomorrow’s picture day. ROb: Yeah, I know you’re gonna send me some pictures when they get developed. As long as daddy doesn’t get in trouble, daddy’s discharged moved to May 7th, that’s when I’ll get discharged and be home home. Rae: Yay! Rob: See? Music cue RAEANN: My childhood with my dad he wasn’t always there because he was either in jail or he was in a halfway house but when he was, I would have the best time. He’s a very loving person. Scene: Rob and Raeann hug ROb: Hey baby, don’t cry. ROB: Raeann is like a best friend to me. Raeann runs to Rob. RAE v/o: I just believe that he needs to get a hold of what he actually has an realize that what he has will be gone because of his actions. TEXT: Four months after his release from prison, Rob left his halfway house, violating his parole. Music cue ROB: So we’re going to get the what? RAEANN: Shoes. ROb: Grey ones? RAE: Yeah. ROB: And then we gotta get pink laces? ROB; Thursday I plan on turning myself in. And. I told her that - Daddy messed up. You know it doesn’t mean I don’t love you? RAE: I know. ROB: Come on baby. RAE v/o: My dad has been in and out of my life since I was really really little. It’s just been really hard. Scene: ROB: I don’t like you wearing mismatched socks.. RAE: Um, other foot. RAE: Ooh these are comfy ROB: Do they fit? RAE: Yeah! ROB: What’s the last Christmas gift I bought you before I went away? RAE: Jordans. ROB: Hm? RAE: No a phone. ROB: Come on peanut. ROB: I love you RAEANN: I love you too ROB: Don’t cry. ROB: Look at me. You know you can tell me anything. RIght? Hey.. You can always tell me anything. RAEANN: I know…. ROB: That’s why we have a relationship we do. Right. I don’t lie to you. You don’t lie to me. Right? RAE: v/o: I just wanted to punch a wall, really. RAE: Right. RAE v/o: I didn’t want him to go. ROB: I will see you soon. RAE: I know. RAE v/o: I just wanted him to stay with me and not go in and out of my life like he already has. ROB: Did you often or very often feel that no one in your family loved you thought you were very important or special or your family did look out for each other feel close to each other or support each other. Yes. Scene: RAE: Daddy drew me this, recently, and then he also drew me this one. KELLY: Their bond is unbelieveable. Unbelieveable. RAE: and then he drew me that one. KELLY: and he’s tired of not being there and breaking her heart. RAE: It’s my 11th birthday. He wasn’t there for my 10th but my 11th is still important. Music cue: Scene: KELLY: Raeann runs to Rob and they hug KELLY: ROB: Yeah, I love you and missed you. RAEANN: I missed you too! RAE v/o: My dad came home and got back together with my mom. And there were just rough patches... TEXT: One year later. ROB: Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often push grab slap or throw something at you? Yes. RAEANN: I will never unsee what I have been through or I’ll never be able to feel what it did to me. ROB: When I drink. That anger comes out ten times worse. You know. So she got to see it and she’s never seen that side. And I really wish she didn’t. RAE: He has called me a bitch, an asshole. He has told me to, “Fuck off.” Took my mother’s phone and smashed it. Pushed her up against this divider ROB: I could see where our relationship is now compared to where it was. Her anger. The last time I texted her. She actually said please don’t touch me anymore. RAEANN: I don’t really want to speak to him now. I need to keep my distance. It’s something that I have to do in order to let myself kind of forgive him. Music cue ROB: I’d like to see our relationship get back to where it was. That’s why I put myself into. Treatment. So right now I’m at Lebanon Pines Treatment facility. Trying to get my head back on straight and try to do the right thing for myself and my daughter. ROB:I think about drinking on a daily basis thinking about leaving. But I haven’t yet. and you know I’m staying you know I’m trying to. Battle. That’s what it is it’s a fight. For my life back. So. It’s hard. Really is. ROB: Was a biological parent ever lost to you through divorce, abandonment or other reasons? ROB: Yeah. TEXT: Rob left and did not complete the rehab program. Raeann filed a temporary restraining order against him. TEXT: The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) questionnaire that Rob responds to during the film measures childhood exposure to abuse and neglect on a scale from 0 - 10. TEXT: “An ACE score as low as 4 can exponentially increase the risk of suicide, addiction, and chronic diseases like emphysema. High scores are also correlated with crime and violence. TEXT: Rob scored a 9. END +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ OTHER RAEANN INTV CLIPS Raenn - 37:30 It always is hard when your parent goes to jail, Raeann 43;40 I love him at heart and I love him more than he will ever know Raeann 49:00 He’s a great person now, but I need him to be there for me more than he already is Raeann 53:00 since my dad has been in and out of my life since I was really, really little, since I could ever remember it’s just been really hard not having a stable guy person that I can look up to in my life Raeann: 53:30 I know I can look up to my dad, but it’s kind of hard for me going to prison so many times, and not being there for me throughout my whole life, missing at least 10 years of my birthdays Raeann 1:03:00 I know that he’s a very loving person because I know he’s there for me and he says that to me. He has said that to me that it may not seem like he’s always there, but just so that I know he is really always there and he always loves me, [00:02:30] Raeann Sullivan: My best memory with my dad is usually all the times that we used to go to Chuck E. Cheese. One time I wouldn’t come out of the place gate when it was time to leave and he almost crawled up in there. [00:03:30] Raeann Sullivan: I do feel like I can tell my dad anything when he’s in the right mindset. Most of the time, I do, but if he’s drinking or anything or if he’s mad or something, I can’t usually tell him anything because he’ll just push me away. Raeann Sullivan: [00:14:00] [00:14:30] The traumatic events for me in my life is that my dad when he would get drunk and this was this past year before he got kicked out by my mother. He would get mad over the littlest things when he was drunk and he one time took my mother’s phone, smashed it, pushed her up against this divider over here and he made me have a full-on panic attack. He has said to me, “Excuse my language.” He has told me one time to, “Fuck off.” Excuse my language. He has called me a bitch, an asshole, and just things really that are unhearable to my mind and that will never be able to change that kind of bad relationship that we have now. Not that I don’t love him or that I’m never going to talk to him again because I am. He’s my dad. He has something to do with the way I was raised, but it just means that I won’t have the tightest bond with him that I’ve had before. i Raeann Sullivan: [00:18:00] The way I was able to build the bond with him was just like when I was kind of little. It all started because it would be that he would come and visit me when he got out of jail or if he was living somewhere else he would come on the weekends to pick me up and we would go somewhere and then he would drop me back off, and I would have the best time with him. Raeann Sullivan: [00:28:30] [00:29:00] It was the day before Halloween or on Halloween the day after his birthday. The first time I saw him after he was out of the halfway house was on Halloween and I was dressed up in my Halloween costume. I was a leopard and I run up and gave him a big hug and he talked for about an hour, I believe, 45 minutes to an hour. I was really happy because at that time I loved my dad. I still do, but I hadn’t gone to see him in so long and I just wanted to see him more often before that, but at kthat moment I didn’t realize where he really was and so on that day I just ran up and I squeezed him so tight, and then we took a lot of pictures, and we talked. Speaker 1: Prior to that, how long had it been since you’d really give a big hug? [00:29:30] Raeann Sullivan: It was about a year, I believe, since I’d been able to give him a big hug like that prior to that day. [00:30:00] Raeann Sullivan: I did. I showed him how fast I could run because I didn’t really show him that before. I’ve never really showed him that and I was just excited to show him all the new things that I could do. ABOUT THE SNEAKER SCENE: RAEANN 34:30 I was just kind of feeling kind of sad because I knew he had to go. I knew something was up and he wasn’t supposed to be with us. I was just kind of feeling it and just a whole lot of love and just wanting him to stay, but I knew he couldn’t. I just wanted to punch a wall, really. I didn’t want him to go. I just wanted him to stay with me and not go in and out of my life like he already has. CUT: ROB: The list goes on and on and on and how many times I’ve been in and out of jail. [00:01:11] I’m tired of doing the wrong shit. I’ve got kids. That I haven’t been here for because I’ve been all fucking around doing what I want to do. Maybe it’s time to let them. See the real me instead of. Fucked up me or. MOVE UP? ROB: Did you live with anyone who has a problem drinking or alcohol can I’d use street drugs. Yes. Was the household member depressed mentally ill or did a household member attempt suicide. Yes the household member go to prison. ROB: Rob communicates with only one of his four children, his youngest daughter, Raeann ROB: I want to be here for Rae. I wasn’t there for the older kids. So I’m trying to make a change. Trying to be there and trying to stay in my kid’s life. ROB: And not trying to keep going in and out of jail and out of jail. ROB: I just wanted to get out, I wanted to see my family. ROB: I got fed up I said fuck it and I ran. ROB: I decided to come get her some sneakers and take her out to dinner. RAE: He would get mad over the littlest things when he was drunk and he one time took my mother’s phone, smashed it, pushed her up against this divider over here and he made me have a full-on panic attack. He has said to me, “Excuse my language.” He has told me one time to, “Fuck off.” Excuse my language.