A couple of months ago, Facebook announced that its algorithms would attempt to reduce the number of clickbait headlines in its News Feed — teaser headlines foisted upon us by writers who will do anything to make you click. When you see how underwhelming the actual story is, you feel used.

Well, guess what? Facebook is as full of clickbait as ever.

In fact, something really strange has started happening. Nowadays, the headlines don’t just tease you. They’re starting to ignore the underlying article completely.

On BusinessInsider.com, for example, I couldn’t wait to find out what “This Phrase Will Make You Seem More Polite” might be.

First, when you click through, you find a different headline: “Four Words to Seem More Polite.”

Worse, if you read the article, it turns out to be an essay about the virtues of empathy.

And what about the “four words”? They’re “Wow, that sounds hard.” Which is part of a goofy opening anecdote and nothing more. (The writer got a “very beautiful woman” to talk to him when he asked about her job, and he replied, “Wow. That sounds hard.”)

In other words, the clickbait problem is really going off the rails.

So I’m happy to present the fifth installment of my Clickbait Spoilers. If a headline says, “You won’t believe what happens next,” I’m going to darned well tell you, to save you the hassle.

Ready?

Clickbait: 8 things you should never feed to dogs and cats

Sugar-free gum, chocolate, avocados, macadamia nuts, grapes, raisins, yeast dough, onions, garlic, and — for crying out loud — marijuana.

(Yes, I know that’s 10, not eight. I didn’t write the headline.)

Clickbait: Here’s What Happened When Six Corgi Puppies Visited a College Campus

Nothing. It’s just puppy footage.

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Clickbait: Unique Restaurant Caters Toward A Specific Audience

Unbelievable. The SFGlobe headline writer didn’t even watch the video itself.

It’s about a Canadian restaurant that hires only deaf waiters.

But they don’t “cater toward” a specific audience; the experience is meant to bring the deaf waitstaff in contact with the general hearing clientele.



Clickbait: I Left My Husband & Daughter At Home And THIS Happened! I Can’t Believe It!

This video has nothing to do with the husband and daughter being left at home.

It is, however, an adorable duet between a dad (on ukulele) and his quirky 4-year-old daughter. 9 million well-deserved views on YouTube.

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