Here were all the ingredients for a birthday party under one roof: the candles, party bags, inflatable numbers and balloons. Oh, and the cards.

There was the ‘F*** you and f*** your birthday’ card, the ‘You’re old as f***’ card, the ‘You can’t polish a t***’ card.

But the one that really stopped me in my tracks as I hunted for something suitable for a venerable family member was the one next to the balloons.

‘Happy Birthday You Big C***’ it announced, in letters big enough to read from the other side of the shop.

‘Daddy, what’s a c***?’ my nine-year-old would undoubtedly have asked if she had been standing next to me (she’s very keen on new words at the moment).

Luckily, she was dragging her heels outside with her mother and, after a swift U-turn, out and on we walked.

Others may not be so lucky as they prepare for one of the biggest dates in the card-buying calendar, particularly where children are concerned.

We are less than a fortnight away from Mothering Sunday — or Mother’s Day, as the industry calls it.

Others may not be so lucky as they prepare for one of the biggest dates in the card-buying calendar, particularly where children are concerned

Soon, millions of dozy fathers like me will be taking their children to find a card to go with the daffodils and chocolates. Perhaps that is why this time, instead of shrugging off a near miss on the awkward-questions-for-Dad front, I snapped.

The latest figures show that Britain buys nearly 30 million Mother’s Day cards every year, and rising.

But if you have children of an impressionable age, make sure you give card retailer Scribbler a wide berth, unless you want to hear them swearing like a trooper with Tourette’s.

A well-known British outlet, Scribbler occupies 36 prime sites, including one at the entrance to a shopping mall near my home.

I have been in there a few times over the years and, looking back, I suppose I was aware that some of its cards can be very rude indeed. But that is easily forgotten when you are in a hurry and shopping for something as inconsequential as a card.

I live in the real world where swearing on the street, on public transport, at a football match or on evening TV is a fact of life. Nor am I Pope Francis myself when stuck in a traffic jam.

But, confronted by a wall of gratuitous expletives in a busy mall, I felt a line had been crossed.

Surely, I asked the shop assistant, it cannot be right to put such crude words next to racks of balloons and candles beside the counter.

‘We put those cards higher up so children can’t reach them,’ he explained.

Yes, but that’s not the point. Anyone could see what they said. I wasn’t worried about a child actually buying a £2.99 card saying ‘Motherf*****’. I just didn’t want them to see this stuff, full stop. And much of it was visible from the doorway.

The assistant also pointed out that the shop has put its own ‘PG’ (parental guidance) sign on the door warning that ‘some of our cards and gifts are of an adult nature’. The same sign is on some of the shelves. But these signs are little more than a PR gimmick.

In shopping malls and station concourses the door is kept open all day anyway, with family groups wandering in and out before they can see any signs.

In one Scribbler branch, a short walk from the House of Commons, you can see the nonsensical ‘Looks Like It’s F*** This S*** O’Clock’ logo notebooks from the street outside.

Back in my local branch, I asked why they couldn’t put the most toxic cards somewhere a little less obvious. ‘We just get told what to stock and where to put it,’ said the assistant. ‘You’d better take it up with head office.’

I returned a couple of times during the week, repeating my complaints to different staff to see if it made any difference.

The UK buys more greetings cards per capita than any other nation on earth, spending £1.75 billion a year on a billion cards, at the last count

No joy. So I contacted the company’s South London head office.

Scribbler is an impressive entrepreneurial operation, still owned and run by Dorset-based husband-and-wife founders John and Jennie Procter, who started with one shop in 1981 and have grown it into a thriving chain.

There is no private equity funny business here. It is a home-grown British success story.

Initially, I managed to speak to the finance director, who politely explained that ‘risque product’ was the company’s ‘USP’ (unique selling point) but that he would ensure someone came back to me with a more detailed response.

I had asked for a chat with one of the owners but, instead, a spokeswoman contacted me the following day in combative mood.

How, she asked, did the Daily Mail feel entitled to be offended by what Scribbler had on its shelves, given that she herself was offended by the Daily Mail?

Gosh. She didn’t explain if it was our campaign to banish plastic bags or our stance on Brexit.

Yet I have no doubt Guardian readers and even paid-up members of the Socialist Workers Party do not want to have the c-word thrust in their faces when they go in search of a birthday card.

The spokeswoman informed me that a company statement would be despatched. Nor was there any prospect of talking to Mr or Mrs Procter on the subject.

I wondered if the Procters had children and, if so, would they be happy for them to see this sort of material?

‘No comment,’ she replied.

Scribbler subsequently issued a statement. ‘We were very sorry to hear that you took offence at some of the merchandise sold in our stores,’ it said.

I realise millennials don’t want pretty landscapes and corny Punch cartoons on their cards. But nor should any parent have to blindfold their child or else explain away the foulest words in the English language just because they popped out for a Mother’s Day card

‘We would like to reassure you that all our stores follow our company policy, where we clearly display “Parental Guidance” stickers, in and around the stores, reminding our customers of some of the content that is available.

‘Our alternative humour has pioneered the way of the greetings card industry and we pride ourselves on offering alternative humour cards that aren’t available elsewhere.

'We’re sorry for any offence caused by this. We take all feedback seriously and will ensure that we take relevant action where necessary. We hope to see you in a store again very soon!’

We shall see.

But the company’s self-styled ‘PG’ certification is meaningless. The British Board of Film Classification (BBFC) awards a ‘PG’ rating to ‘mild bad language only’.

The BBFC explains that ‘aggressive or very frequent use of mild bad language may result in a higher category’.

The general rule is a ‘12’ rating for ‘strong language’ and a ‘15’ rating for ‘very strong language’. Where do you think a wall covered in ‘f***’ jokes might sit in that spectrum?

But there is a broader issue here. You don’t have to be a parent or a prude to feel embarrassed and irritated by this sort of in-your-face obscenity.

No one buys a card for someone they hate. We buy them, almost always, as a mark of affection.

Which makes it all the more depressing to wade through shelf after shelf of crude messages, the least offensive of which might be: ‘Another 365 days since you fell out of a vagina. Hooray!!’

In fact, the UK buys more greetings cards per capita than any other nation on earth, spending £1.75 billion a year on a billion cards, at the last count.

Sharon Little, of the Greeting Card Association, says: ‘For many, it’s now the only way they ever see each other’s handwriting.’

Greetings cards reflect a nation’s tastes and attitudes. So if Scribbler is indeed pioneering the way, then in future we are probably going to see fewer doe-eyed puppies and fields of sunflowers, and rather more genitals and cards that say: ‘See This Cat? It doesn’t give a f*** about your birthday’.

All this tells us something fascinating about the cultural direction of modern Britain.

For, conversely, the broadcasting regulator Ofcom has reprimanded a digital TV channel for screening a Seventies wartime drama without editing out a three-letter word now correctly considered racist.

Virtually extinct these days, the word was in common parlance during the war and afterwards. It was by no means the worst offender in the racist lexicon, though.

Progress can so often be circular rather than linear.

No one should censor what Scribbler produces, in the way that the militant Left seeks to eliminate any voice that challenges its sacrosanct world view. I would die in the proverbial ditch to defend any publisher’s right to produce and sell anything legal.

The company’s target market is clearly the young, urban market and Generation Snowflake. Hence a prominent range of Donald Trumpery and a few ‘Happy F****** Brexit’ cards.

I realise millennials don’t want pretty landscapes and corny Punch cartoons on their cards. But nor should any parent have to blindfold their child or else explain away the foulest words in the English language just because they popped out for a Mother’s Day card.