JANUARY 22--A female high school student who was having sex in the back of a Pennsylvania school bus allegedly struck another pupil in the testicles after the younger onlooker “began to laugh and chuckle” when she “expelled wind” during the lewd performance, according to police.

The bizarre incident occurred last Friday around 3 PM as the school bus traveled in an Armstrong County township about 50 miles northeast of Pittsburgh, according to a Pennsylvania State Police report.

The female student, who recently turned 18, was cited for harassment by Trooper Brad Jordan, whose initial report used less than 60 words to provide a memorable description of the encounter between the young woman and the 13-year-old victim.

“Both the victim and the accused were riding school bus,” wrote Jordan, who quickly turbocharged the narrative by adding, “The accused expelled wind from the vulva during coitus while at the back of the bus.” It appears that Trooper Jordan relied on the Urban Dictionary for a more artful definition of “queef.”

After the audible wind expulsion, the boy “began to laugh and chuckled at the accused for her actions,” reported Jordan. That is when she allegedly “approached the victim and elbowed him in the testicles. Accused was cited for harassment.” Jordan’s report does not identify the young woman’s sex partner.

The graphic nature of Jordan’s account was met with consternation by embarrassed State Police brass, who directed that an updated report be faxed Saturday to local media outlets. The second dispatch asked recipients to “please disregard” the prior report.

In an interview yesterday, Trooper Jordan said that while the January 17 bus incident was described accurately in his initial report, the recounting of the wind release was, on reflection, too explicit in terms of “terminology and language.”

While the name of the 18-year-old (who is pictured above) was released by investigators due to the criminal citation, it will not appear in these pages. Because high school is hard enough without being dubbed the "Bus Sex Queefer." As for the boy, he was not injured by the blow to his testicles. (2 pages)