A contractor’s union is warning citizens that watching porn will give them an unrealistic expectation of how quickly a plumber will show up.

The Contractor’s Union Northern Trust has received several complaints from local citizens after plumbers failed to turn up mere minutes after the phone call was made. In some cases it was days, or even weeks after initial contact.

‘Plumbers just can’t come that quickly,’ said C.U.N.T. head David Morris. ‘People need to realize that porn isn’t reality and that plumbers often have several jobs on the go at once. It’s unrealistic to expect them to come within half an hour. They’re not pizza delivery men.’

Morris says that the union is in the process of filming a documentary to be distributed around schools to educate children on what the plumbing profession is really like.

‘Not only do plumbers not arrive within minutes, most plumbers don’t have chiselled bodies. However, they are very good at laying pipe. That’s the one thing pornography has got correct.’

Nonetheless, complaints continue to roll in, mainly from dissatisfied housewives.

‘Excessive moisture caused a damp patch around my front door. I called a plumber to see to it and he told me he couldn’t do the job for another week. What kind of service is that? I had to do a little DIY to satisfy my needs,’ said Debra Fuddingly.