A Lakeview man poured “liquid feces” under a neighbor’s apartment door because he had to “step it up” after plain old urine failed to get the occupants to quiet down, according to police.

29-year-old engineer Alan Q. Clay pleaded guilty to criminal damage to property last week and received a sentence of two years supervised release, according to court records.

Around 8 p.m. on January 23, a 20-year-old woman reported that liquid poo had been dumped under her apartment door on the 55th floor of a high rise in the 600 block of West Irving Park Road.

The woman told cops that she had previously caught Clay—who lives below her on the 54th floor—“pouring urine into her unit.” She suspected that Clay was also responsible for the poo blast, police said.

At the police station, Clay engaged in one of the better post-Miranda warning statements that we’ve seen lately, according to his arrest report:

“The arrestee related that he spoke with the building management about noise coming from the victim’s unit, but they failed to take action.

He then stated, ‘after a while, I did prank them with urine. It seemed effective. It was the only way we could communicate.’

[An officer] asked, ‘What’s up with the shit?’

‘Well, I had to step it up.’”

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