1. “One day I realized that my boyfriend was scared shitless of marriage because he thought our sex life would suddenly dry up. Whether he got that impression from movies or friends, I don’t know. It’s a pretty common theme: Marriage leads to never-ending dry spell. So I started subtly reassuring my boyfriend that he and I would never have a stale sex life. I’d say things like, ‘Just because two people are married, doesn’t mean the blowjobs have to stop.’ And I went out of my way to spice it up in bed every now and again. Eventually, it all paid off!”

— Kaitlyn, 30, married two years

2. “Over time, I hammered the message that I don’t believe in expensive engagement rings into my wonderful boyfriend’s thick skull. Once he knew that it wasn’t going to cost him tens of thousands of dollars to propose, he wasn’t turned off by the idea. I think a lot of women fail to see how financially intimidating the nuptial process can be for men.”

— Paula, 27, married three years

3. “I was one of those bohemian, fuck ‘the Man’ types who resented the institution of marriage throughout her teens and early twenties. Then I hit 24, and something changed. Suddenly, I wanted all the things I’d spent so much time and energy rejecting. I found myself a decent dude and we started dating, but he wasn’t ‘the marrying type,’ and I couldn’t exactly blame him for it. So I promised him a threesome every six months for the rest of his life if he agreed to marry me—and just like that, he was game.”

— Carissa, 27, married eight months

4. “My boyfriend’s parents went through a horrible divorce and he swore off marriage the day they put him on the witness stand in family court at age ten. I knew that when we started dating, but I also knew that he desperately wanted kids. When I decided it was time to make things official, my plan was simple: I pointed out that if we had babies out of wedlock, the kids would get my last name. A man’s ego is a beautifully fragile thing.”

— Gina, 25, married one year (and pregnant)

5. “My approach was subtle, but genius. I’m a singer-songwriter and my boyfriend is a copywriter at an ad agency by day and a drummer by night. Since we don’t exactly rake it in, I knew my boyfriend would believe that I was planning to sell my citizenship for a few extra grand if he and I weren’t going to tie the knot. I never said anything outright, but I started leaving tabs open on my computer about the whole citizenship-for-sale process. One night we were hanging out with our lawyer friend, and I asked about all the legal risks (my cover was that I’d read an article about it recently). Six weeks later, we were at City Hall swapping long-term love contracts.”

— Marina, 28, married six months

6. “Three years into dating, I got the wedding itch. My boyfriend, on the other hand, was a little too content with the status quo. To make him more comfortable with the idea of getting married, I told him that every five years he could sleep with someone else. I obviously didn’t mean it, which is going to pose a problem at some point down the line, but I got the job done in the meantime!”

— Martha, 26, married one month

7. “Six months into our relationship, I left everything behind—work, friends, and family—to move across the country for my boyfriend. We’d already fallen madly in love, so I didn’t regret uprooting my entire life, but I also wasn’t shy about reminding him that I’d sacrificed a lot. He finally popped the freaking question on our one year anniversary. What can I say? A guilt trip can be effective.”

— Tonya, 30, engaged six months

8. “My first serious boyfriend was this hot, ripped Australian surfer named Ronan. We stayed close long after we broke up, and every guy I dated after him was predictably threatened by our friendship. When I needed a little ammunition to encourage my boyfriend of three years to get married, I casually mentioned that Ronan and I had one of those pacts that we’d get hitched if we were both still single at 32. It wasn’t true, but Ronan would’ve played along if I needed him to corroborate the story. My boyfriend proposed six months before I hit the magic mark.”

— Dora, 32, engaged one month

9. “When I started dating my husband, he had just broken off an engagement with a woman who turned into a total Bridezilla as soon as he proposed. I knew from day one that if I wanted the man to reconsider walking down the aisle, he’d have to believe that I didn’t need or want a big wedding. Every so often, I made sure to comment that I thought the whole wedding industry was outrageous, or I’d say something about how tacky I thought it was for couples to throw giant parties for themselves. Sometimes a man just needs a little hand-holding through the scary stuff.”

— Loretta, 32, married five years

10. “I come from a long line of strong women, and I had a feeling that if I sat my boyfriend next to my paternal grandmother, she’d lay it all out for him in a way no one else could. Sure enough, the first thing out of my 96-year-old grandma’s mouth the night she met my man was, ‘I hope you realize that I expect to see my grand-daughter married before I die.’ A month later, he was down on one knee. Go grams (and RIP)!”

— Reagan, 29, married eighteen months