I was underwhelmed by Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Overall, I give it a C-, but let’s get the best parts out of the way, shall we?

It’s been a looooong time since I’ve seen Ezra in a serious role and I’m glad bc he slays every time.

Colin Farrell’s hair. I know the back of my husband’s head from anywhere so when I first saw the trailer during Queen of Katwe, I knew it was FB bc I know what Colin’s faceless head looks like. His hair also spoiled the twist bc of the first shot in the film. I saw that coming a mile away. I’ve been really good lately at figuring out twists before they happen.

That Obscurus shit was amazing. What a beautiful metaphor for child trauma victims/child suppression/child mental illness. JK never fails with her magical parallels to real life shit.

Aaaaaand that’s it for the good shit.

I am sick and tired of seeing Eddie Redmayne’s misshapen mouth on the big screen. His acting is stale as hell. How on earth was he the first pick for Newt??? Is Joanne blind? And the fact that they gave him a say in casting? 🙄🙄🙄

Why was 1926 (the year of our lord Tom Marvolo Riddle) NYC looking like a RNC convention? THERE WERE NO NIGGAS ANYWHERE IN HARLEM. I can’t wait for someone to whitesplain this bullshit.

When they announced that this was gonna take place in the U.S. and not the U.K, I thought it was an opportunity for us to visit a land with a more diverse population. But lol no, that didn’t happen.

I didn’t see a single no-maj of color. (Quick digression, I hate the term no-maj and basically everything JK added about American magic. Someone stop this woman.) That means that when casting extras, they basically went all gay, white male with it. “No blacks, no Latinos, no Asians”. The only wizards of color were at the Ministry and correct me if I’m wrong, but that was the first time other than Kingsley that I saw black wizards use their magic on screen. Plus all of those wizards sucked balls.

I’m happy that we got Jewish witches… But they were still white af. That was bare minimum representation imho. This was such a huge opportunity to see ethnic groups like dark skinned Italians, Greeks, curly haired Jewish women from Eastern Europe who had to change their complicated last names to assimilate, Puerto Ricans, BLACK PEOPLE that never get represented in 1920’s period pieces.

Then they had the nerve to throw us a bone with the fucking Lestrange girl that was clearly originally a white actress but they changed that in post production just to shut us up about diversity. And who do they pick? The token black actresses that all franchises hire to satisfy their diversity quota. I’m fucking tired man.

I am not looking forward to these sequels. Newt is not an interesting protagonist. The most interesting character was Jacob and Credence and they’re gone so… I don’t know how I’m gonna get through 4 more films just in hopes of seeing Dumbledore and baby Voldemort.