The Super Mario Bros. games are all about death. Think about it. What do you spend most of your time doing in those things? Dying over and over, in all manner of ways, from falling into lava to getting struck in the face by a flying buzz saw to being lightly touched by a turtle, for some reason. The Mario franchise is essentially a series of whimsical death simulators -- and I believe it's time we use this technology to kill the shit out of death.

To show you what I mean, I've used Mario Maker to create all-new, Cracked-exclusive Mario levels based on the world's most common causes* of death. What essential lessons can we learn by forcing Mario to die repeatedly in the same ways humans do? How will this help us achieve the dream of immortality? And, more importantly, can this turn me, personally, into a powerful Highlander? Turn on your console and let's find out together!

*Not counting diseases and stuff, because eww. Someone else deal with that, OK?