Public divided over Harry and Meghan crisis between those who couldn’t give a shit and those who couldn’t give a toss

The new royal family crisis surrounding Harry and Meghan and seen a sharp division emerge amongst the British public between those who couldn’t give a toss about it and those who couldn’t give a shit.

“I’ll be honest,” said Simon Williams, a whelk beautician from Tewkesbury.

“I couldn’t give a toss. Massively. I mean, a couple of rich people I’ve never met want to be rich in a slightly different way to the way they’re rich now.

“Doesn’t help me live my life at all, does it?”

Eleanor Gay, a leaf painter from Norwich disagreed.

“I find it hard to understand these people who say they couldn’t give a toss. It’s bizarre. I mean, I couldn’t give a shit. Obviously.

“I mean, Harry and Meghan? They’re just some couple who are never going to be King and Queen.

“Me and my Jason are never going to be King and Queen. You don’t hear us going on about it.”

However, there were some people who were on the fence about the crisis.

“I don’t know what to think,” said Kevin Rammstein, a hat facilitator from Haywards Heath.

“Yesterday I couldn’t give a toss about the whole thing, then, when I woke up this morning, I couldn’t give a shit.

“It’s ever so confusing.”

With the crisis showing no sign of ending, it is possible that the public could find themselves coalescing around not giving a toss or not giving a shit, but for now it seems, once again, the British public finds themselves hopelessly divided.