Waiting To Exhale

13 things I’m glad Obama never signed into law

Chronic PRIORITYtis [Image Source: neogaf.com]

Shortly after the presidential election results were announced, something strange happened to me. I went through a range of emotions and thoughts most of which are incredibly negative and illegal.

After cruising through the 5 stages of loss in an hour, I circled back to the 4th one and have been stuck there ever since. It was only natural that I dedicated my life to understand the phenomenon and species of organisms that was the cause of my perpetual depression and other adjectives ending with the suffix ‘cidal’. This involved visiting various enclaves of the internet that require a hazmat suit to venture in …such as /r/thedonald subreddit on Reddit and Political Rhetoric Busters on Disqus.

I was expecting to happen upon a group of individuals stoic from massive remorse after accidentally checking off the wrong candidate. Instead, what I found was jubilee and memes. Lots of memes. Primarily, they involved Hillary crying, young women hugging and crying and references to the savory pleasure of licking Liberal tears..from their faces. It was quite disturbing and I regretted not wearing the wooden cross I had stolen from a catholic retreat campsite.

Well, the journey to healing my permanently destroyed essence (mojo) hasn’t been easy. Still, I was able to resuscitate my interest in writing which died around 1995 when I discovered the internet. When I look at it from a glass half full of malarkey, I figure that’s not such a bad thing.

Anywhoo, I hate to keep you waiting with my rumblings. I’m all out of sugar coating material. We all know Alt Right means Narcissistic Nazism. And that Trump supporters want their coverage, but don’t want Obama’s name on that stamp. Here’s a list of things I’m glad Obama didn’t endorse for the chance that skull sidefucking cretinous bozos would relish reversing and destroying:

Family Guy Self strangulation equipment for sexual purposes. Mooning Yankee and Laker fans at night from speeding taxi cabs. Netflix Wendy’s Anti GOP paraphernalia Allergy meds Real life Japanese snuff films Space heaters Breakdown lanes Genetically engineered THC complex compounds professionally infused into chocolate flavored pastries — for medical purposes e.g. my chronic pain after fighting off a zombie who like..punched me right in my bones. Pet toads that secrete edible and lickable delicious stimulants. Dracula-themed swinger parties at secret ranches located throughout central Massachusetts .

Th.th.that’s all folks!!

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As always, don’t forget to Recommend the impeachment of Trump to anyone that’s willing to listen- you can achieve this by clicking the 💚. Follow the lines and make sure you fucking vote in the Mids. Say no to fascism and floss..thoroughly.