So, you're selling the Beatles fully signed pick guard you picked up on Ebay in 2004. It was $64 when you bought it, and now you realize you can easily sell it for $37,000.



But look out! Someone on the AML website is declaring that your item is fake! Well, not to fear. You know you have your bases covered, because you have a COA straight from the now out-of-business baseball card store in Florida you bought it from.



Take a deep breath and follow these steps. We'll get through this.





1) Phase 1: Incognito. Waft into the site under an assumed name (the more ridiculous or generic, the better). Leave vague, bizarre counterarguments like, "Sure looks good to me" or "I heard they signed pickguards at a private signing in 1967." Your lone voice in the wilderness will surely get the agressors to rethink their stance.



2) Phase 2: Justification. If phase 1 tactics fail, stay incognito but make throughly loathesome proclamations like "caveat emptor!" or "The framing job alone costs $500." Suggest that the buyer gets what they pay for and "at least it looks pretty." No one can argue with good old-fashioned common sense.



3) Phase 3: Explain yourself and plead your case. If it comes to it, go ahead and blow your cover. Proclaim that your did seconds if not years of research on these autographs, even if you haven't looked at the pickguard even once between the time you purchased it and took the grainy photo with your LG Rumor cell phone for Ebay. Proclaim the profound merit of of your "Certificate of Authenticity" by noting that only qualified experts owning an inkjet printer (or in close proximity of a Kinkos) issue such ironclad documents.



4) Phase 4: Full aerial assault. The worst has happened - your item has been pulled from Ebay and your dreams of owning a pimped out Mustang just went down the toilet. Okay, forget all that education, maturity and tact you learned between failing your GEDs and your second stint in jail. Actually, forget the topic at hand all together. You know what, while you're at it, forget how to type, spell, or use even marginally acceptable grammar from the English language. Lay it out there, all in CAPS. The more you sound like an irate 14 year old, the more your audience takes notice. Use profanity and vulgarity in such a manner that you elicit only hysterical laughter and/or confusion as to your age and orientation. Frequent use of "LOL" in your tirades has the benefit of making you appear not only guilty, but insane. Nothing like killing two birds with one stone.