Dear Madame President,

I'm sorry. I just wanted to use this title one time. You know, before the fabric of the universe is torn asunder, the Hellmouth cracks open and an army of Turok-Han emerges to feast on our flesh. Officially, this is being referred to as the presidential inauguration. Unofficially, it marks the moment governance in America became an international joke with the country set to be led by an arrogant, corrupt sexual predator who also happens to be so extraordinarily thin skinned that his entire pre-training period has been spent whining about a press that does its job and how the cast of Saturday Night Live are mean to him.

It should have been you. I know that. You know that. The 65 million people who voted for you (which was three million votes higher than Trump, making you overwhelmingly the people's choice) know that. You were the most politically qualified person in history to be nominated for the position of US presidential candidate, and you ran against the literal equivalent of a balloon animal. There have been enough armchair autopsies performed on why you lost what should have been the unloseable election. A million theories and arguments abound, but I guess the only truth that really matters is that no one took into account the fact a lot of America's voting public are either really ignorant, really selfish or some destructive combination of the two.

Oh sure, we've heard a lot about the rust belt and the poor white working class folk whose discontent with the system had been underestimated.