The investigation into sexual assault allegations against Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh have been really hard to watch. Dr. Christine Ford very bravely put herself out there to be questioned, gave her account clearly and consistently, and even backed it up with her scientific analysis of memory—because she is a DOCTOR. Meanwhile, Kavanaugh wept and talked about beer. Yet, it still seems like he may soon be given a life appointment to make decisions about the country, including the legality of abortion.

It’s very difficult to see someone so ill-informed, unprofessional, and accused of sexual assault rise to power. Difficult doesn’t cover it, actually. It’s rage-inducing. Survivors of sexual assault have been trying to flood social media with their stories, explaining why they didn’t come forward when it happened, just like Dr. Ford didn’t. They’re powerful stories, but also extremely upsetting. A comedian named Maura Quint, who also works as the director of Tax March, decided to flip the script on its head with some stories of her own:

I want to tell a story: Once in high school, I felt insecure, I put on a tight top too low cut and dark lipstick I didn’t usually wear. I went to a party drank terrible wine coolers, too many of them. A man asked me if I wanted to leave, I slurred, said maybe. He said “maybe”? — maura quint (@behindyourback) September 29, 2018

Quint went through a bunch of times when she was in a position where someone could have taken advantage of her. They’re the kinds of scenarios that get deeply questioned when a woman is assaulted. She’s often blamed for drinking, for what she’s wearing, for where she was. Quint tried to show that the reason nothing happened to her, was because the men she was with were taught right form wrong. They weren’t rapists. They weren’t interested in hurting someone who was vulnerable. They took responsibility for themselves and did the right thing:

And then he said “maybe isn’t yes” and I went home that night, un-assaulted, because I hadn’t talked to a rapist at that party. — maura quint (@behindyourback) September 29, 2018

He said “go back inside then,” maybe he was annoyed but he meant it, I went back inside. There wasn’t a rapist at that bar. — maura quint (@behindyourback) September 29, 2018

I said, I’m sorry, he said it’s ok. I left, unmolested. I was lucky, I hadn’t met a rapist that night. — maura quint (@behindyourback) September 29, 2018

Sadly, Quint says she has been assaulted. But the big difference was that the men she was with were men who thought they had a right to do what they wanted to her:

I’ve been assaulted. I’ve also been not assaulted. The difference didn’t seem to be what I was wearing, how flirty I was, how much I was drinking. The only difference seemed to be whether or not the men felt it was ok or not to assault. — maura quint (@behindyourback) September 29, 2018

Some women have joined in with stories of times they met men who took care of them in dicey situations:

These guys are the reason that, despite being sexually assaulted later in life, I still trust and love so many wonderful men. — Michele Lightfield (@why_two_wit) September 29, 2018

He could’ve easily taken advantage of my state of being but he didn’t. Nobody would’ve accused him of anything because of how I was acting that night. I didn’t know what i was doing but he did and decided not to act on it. — Leslie Perez (@mariateleslie) September 29, 2018

Once in college, I was so drunk at a bar that I had to be escorted home, and it was by a man that I didn’t know. He got me into bed, turned the lights down low, put on classical music, and then quietly left. I never got to thank him for being so kind and so human. — Sara Loughlin (@saraloughlinart) September 29, 2018

And some men have chimed in to say how awful it is that women have had to think about these things:

In uni, went out for drinks w/ friend. She drank too much, asked me to walk her home. She kept mumbling, “Don’t have sex with me, please don’t have sex with me.” — Christopher Ruz (@ruzkin) September 29, 2018

Story concludes with me tucking her into bed with a Powerade and a night light & me sleeping on the couch, but that shouldn’t have to be a goddamn twist ending. — Christopher Ruz (@ruzkin) September 29, 2018

The point of this is to say that women aren’t trying to falsely accuse us. They aren’t a mob. They’re watching each others backs because they have to. We should welcome this and respect them for it. Women’s safety does not endanger men. — michael benson (@yarknarf) September 29, 2018

It’s hard to know if someone you’re with is a decent human being or not. However, anytime someone says “boys will be boys” clearly doesn’t realize lots of boys know better than to assault someone.