What follows is a real life incident. At no point during the article should you doubt this statement. Maybe you wont believe that I could be so cheap but rest assured, No part of the article is fabricated. I recommend pure hearted people to not read it because it only gets dirty from here. If you arent aware about the birds and the bees, I suggest you close this window right now! . I am not sure if you guys will find it funny or not but since it happened with me, I cant help but share it 🙂

It all started when I saw Dhobi Ghaat last week. I developed this huge crush over the leading lady Monica Dogra and to acknowledge that I kept this pic of her as my profile pic on facebook :

Then I got a message in my facebook inbox from a guy named Vinod Pandey (Name changed to preserve anonymity. Surname kept the same because its funny. 🙂 ) So here’s how the conversation went. I have just edited stuff to maintain correct grammar and to do away with the boring bits of conversations

Vinod Pandey : hellooooooooo hw u doin

Denny George : hey.. sorry i dont recognize you.. do we know each other? 🙂

Vinod Pandey : o we dnt ….but can we b gud frnz ..no wrng intention jst frnz

Denny George : ok.. i hope you did not message looking at the profile pic.. thats a singer/actress i like. I am a guy.

Vinod Pandey : ohhhh really r u a guy ?

Denny George : lol. you can check my other profile pics if you wish 😛

Vinod Pandey : kk dude

HE DIDNT REPLY FOR QUITE A LONG TIME AND I WAS ALONE AND BORED SO I TRIED TO START AFRESH 🙂

Denny George : so we are still friends, right? so Hows life?

Vinod Pandey : f9 yaar jst chiliing

LETS COME TO THE POINT NOW.

Denny George : do you have a girlfriend?

Vinod Pandey : agar gf hti to aise add karta kya sabko m single

Denny George : sahi hain yaar. sab saale nalle hi hain 🙂

Vinod Pandey : hahahaha bilkul sahi hai

THIS CONVERSATION WAS NOT GOING ANYWHERE SO I TRIED TO START AFRESH YET AGAIN.

Denny George : you actually believed when i said i am a guy?

Vinod Pandey : ya i beleived. so tell me d truth r u a guy or a gal?

Denny George : off course I am a girl yaar. What kind of a guy has the name Denny? 🙂

Vinod Pandey : ya dats why i send u d req but u said u r guy so…………….but why did u lie 2 me. hey hope nw we can b frnzzzzzzzzzzzz

Denny George : just ainvayi timepass yaar. ya off course we can be friends. whats fb for, if not for hooking up with strangers right?

Vinod Pandey : in school lyf i was having gf but d day i entered d coll lyf no gfs at all…………nw m single 4rm pst 3 yrs………nd m a sipmle fun luving guy love 2 enjoy wid frnzzzzzzz………..nd luv 2 buy new clothes……nd searching a gud girl……..i mean a practical girl……………..dtas it nthng mch abt me………u tell abt u

Denny George : basically i am just a normal, practical girl. i like reading and also you know, I can do a sheershasan for 15 minutes. i mean isnt that cool? thats pretty much about me.

Vinod Pandey : hahahha dats rite………so basically whr r u 4rm n wat u do

Denny George : i am from udaipur and practicaly thats all i do… sheershasan. 🙂

Vinod Pandey : …………hahahahah so….is dis ur real diaplay pic or……..any singers

Denny George : this is me. i sing for a band called sheershasan.

Vinod Pandey : okkkkk………..so if u dnt mine plz dnt mind yaar can we b phone frnzzzz plzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Denny George : isnt it too soon for that? 🙂 lets try one step at a time. it took me 3 years to do sheershasan for 15 minutes. you have to be patient you know.

Vinod Pandey : hahah u knw wat sheer shasan nd living life both r diff issue………nd u knw wat u really can trust me…………any time……..plz m nt like oder guy who think of using gals………i respect girls nd i respect u 2 ……..so dnt wry 4rm my side rest its ur wish …………..

Denny George : maybe for you.. but for me sheershasan is life. .try living life upside down.. its much better.

Vinod Pandey : ya i knw dat ………..4 me jst success is life nd upside dwn………..nd u knw wat life mein past mein kabhi nahi rehna chahiye…….u learnt sheeshssan in 3 yrs dat dnt mean dat u need time 2 learn everythng……….dere r msny thingd dat u can learnt n do in very short period……d same goes 4 friendship……….trust me.

Denny George : haaann.. but i am not sure yaar.. kuch unch neech ho gayi toh .. cant give you the number. lets stay on fb for a while. 🙂

Vinod Pandey : plzzzzz yaaar dnt wry kch unch neech hi hgi trust me………pakka nd i promise u i wnt dstrb u ………wenever u want i”ll call u at dat time only……………plzzzzzzz

Denny George : aray but what’s wrong with talking on fb?

Vinod Pandey : nthing is wrng yaar………….but u tell me wats wrng on talikng in phone agar maine kch ulta kiya ………….den change ur no…………

THIS KEPT GOING FOR A WHILE WHERE HE KEPT TRYING TO CONVINCE ME TO GIVE MY PHONE NUMBER. I DIDNT. I AM QUITE HARD TO GET WHEN I’M A GIRL 🙂

Vinod Pandey : so u tell mre abt u dnt u have any bf ?

Denny George : no. i dont have any boyfriend. it seems boys dont like to date girls who do sheershasan 🙂

Vinod Pandey : hahah abut i would like 2 date u yaar really…….. u r a nice girl………nd if u dnt mind can i c ur some mre pics……hope iske liye to mana nhi hoga

Denny George : oh my god. abhi bolte ho date karna hain fir pics maangte ho. unbelievable. asli mazaa toh intezzaar me hi hain na 🙂

Vinod Pandey : hahahah yaar i knw kaun sa main kal hi date kar raha hu kch intezaar ke baad hi milennge…………anywyz apni pics to………….dikha do………plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz 😦 nd wat course r u doin

Denny George : aray tujhe mujhse shaadi karni hain kya? kya photo, course puchne me lag gaya?

THIS KEPT GOING FOR A WHILE WHEN HE KEPT TRYING TO CONVINCE ME TO GIVE HIM MY PICTURES. I DIDNT. I AM QUITE HARD TO GET WHEN I’M A GIRL 🙂

Vinod Pandey : kaun sa course kar rahi hai ?

Denny George : btech. singhania college udaipur.. aur tu?

Vinod Pandey : b.tech gyan vihar jaipur…………………which yr? (College name changed to preserve anonymity. Course name kept the same because its funny 🙂 )

Denny George : sab saale engineer hi banenge is desh me 🙂 3rd year.. aur tu?

Vinod Pandey : 3rd yer………….hahahah acha ye bta tune kabhi sex kiya hai?

DID I TELL YOU, THIS GUY IS THE SMOOTHEST TALKER I’VE EVER MET 🙂

Denny George : haha. straight to the point haina? 🙂 nahi yaar. nahi kara hain. tune?

Vinod Pandey : nahi yaar virgin hu abhi tak …………..tere jaisi koi mast mili hi nhi itni frank

Denny George : frank. haha 🙂

Vinod Pandey : acha so wat r ur views abt me

Denny George : i hardly know you, views kahaan se banaun 🙂

aur waise bhi i dont judge people or stuff.. life me jo hota hian woh hone deti hun.. jyaada sochti nahi hun.

I’M SORRY BUT I WANTED TO GIVE MY CHARACTER SOME DEPTH. 🙂

Vinod Pandey : okkkkk sahi hai mast hai tu bahut ha…………………….waise itni der mein jaan to gyi hai. jo mujhse jaisa rehta hai i m same wid dem……………..aur bta figure kya hai tera?

Denny George : 32-22-33

I JUST MODIFIED THE (36-24-36) PATTERN A BIT. IT ONLY OCCURED TO ME LATER THAT I SHOULD HAVE INCREASED THE WAIST SIZE AND NOT REDUCE IT 😛

Vinod Pandey : teri kamar 22 hi hai pakadne mein maja aayega……………ha nd upar niche bhi mast hai………..so meri pics to dekhi hgi tune kaisa laga main ?

Denny George : theek hi hian tu bhi.

Vinod Pandey : so sex karegi mere sath?

Denny George : pehle toh keh raha tha ki sirf dosti karni hian?

Vinod Pandey : hahaha phle scha tu 1 dum sidhi sadhi hgi but tu to 1 dum bindaas hai………agar tu frndship tak rehti to main bhi rhta ………….anywyz bata na sex karegi ………pura satisfy krnga.

Denny George : kya pata kya hain tujhe sex ke baare me yaar?

Vinod Pandey : hahah nahi yaar anjaan nahi hu apni aakhon se sex hote dekha hai……….mere frnzz karte hai prostitute ke sath par maine kbhi nahi kiya cz i dnt like to pay 4 sex………nd karunga to koi pata ke teri jaise ke saath

THIS REMINDED ME OF ONE OF THOSE COOL PEOPLE WHO AUDITION FOR MTV Roadies.

Denny George : prostitutes ke saath? :O

bade rangeen dost hain tere. sahi hain.

haalat sahi rahe toh kar lungi tere saath yaar. 🙂

Vinod Pandey : haalt to hum khud banate hai ………………ab to apna no de de yaar plzzz ab to na main anjana hu na tu anjaani. Phone pe jyaada mazaa aayega. Kiss bhi karenge.

Denny George : phone pe kiss karega? haha. woh kaise karte hain?

Vinod Pandey : hahaha wo to jab no degi tab bataunga na

SMART MOVE. I’M ALREADY LOVING THIS GUY 🙂

Vinod Pandey : chal tu to no degi nahi mera hi lele jab man ho call kar lena 96363XXX02

Denny George : kar dungi yaar. 🙂

THEN HE TOLD ME HIS PLANS OF MEETING ME IN A HOTEL ROOM AND WHAT HE INTENDED TO DO TO ME THERE. SCARY STUFF 🙂

Vinod Pandey : Jaldi batana agar milne ka mann ho toh. Mujhe abhi jaana hoga. Kuch zaroori kaam hain jo mere bina nahi hoga.

Denny George : Abay kya kisi aur ladki se milne jaa raha hain?

I BECOME VERY POSSESSIVE ABOUT MY LOVED ONES WHEN I AM A GIRL 😐

Vinod Pandey : nahi yaar …………1 party hai waha aja raha h

Denny George : OK just tell me one thing before you leave.

Vinod Pandey : What?

Denny George : Did you get an erection while talking to me?

Vinod Pandey : Yes 🙂

Denny George : Good. Coz I did too 😛

__________________________________________________________________________________

Its been a week since this conversation happened and he has not tried to contact me yet. I miss him 😦 🙂

And on this note I take leave from you guys. Valentines is around the corner. Hope you fulfill your ambitions. Dont get too desperate like Vinod Pandey though 🙂

Guys! get out of facebook and ask out real girls.

Girls! Lower your standards and go out with guys 🙂

Happy Valentines Week to you all.

________________________________

oh ya.. do leave back your comments if you like the piece 🙂