How the tables have turned! The poker tables, that is. Barry had been in a straight-up funk since this whole Patty thing went down, so it was my turn to cheer him up. He refused to change out of his sweatpants and old Diamond’s jersey, so hitting the Central City nightlife was definitely out. My solution? Boys’ night in! I figured a low-key night of gambling, booze, and bro time would be just what Barry needed. I sent up the flare to Joe and was just getting ready to leave S.T.A.R. Labs to pick up some provisions when Harry meandered into my workshop – something about those puppy dog eyes made me extend an invite to join us. I mean, what else would a misanthropic super-genius from a parallel universe wanted for murder have planned on a Friday night? Who knows, maybe with a few beers in him, he’s actually a tolerable guy…

There is an intricate science to hosting a successful poker night. The cohesive chemistry of a group is vital –personalities need to mesh, not antagonize. Due to ferocity and thumb sweat that pick up after the first few hands, there’s a two-deck minimum (no one wants grungy cards!). The table must be circular and devoid of any floral patterns and real poker chips are a fundamental imperative – no Legos, Splenda packets, or leftover Halloween candy. But it’s the food you serve that is the real make-it-or-break-it: nuts say you’re a traditional guy; chips are for the conformist; prosciutto-wrapped asparagus screams “poker night virgin.” I decided to play it safe and stocked up on Chex Mix, pigs-in-a-blanket, pepperoni bagel bites, and beer.

We capped the pot at $100 (no fancy high rollers here). Harry claimed they didn’t have poker on Earth-2, but I’m pretty sure that was a total bluff. He was on a winning streak and with every hand he won, he got even more unbearable. “Beginner’s luck,” he said. Yeah, right. He cleaned us all out by the seventh hand - and the food wasn’t even cold yet! Barry had suffered the biggest loss – his head just wasn’t in the game – and I didn’t want him to go home feeling even more like a loser. So, I proposed a way for us to win some of our money back – a rousing game of Charades.

Barry and I teamed up against Harry and Joe. Those poor guys never stood a chance! With my extensive mental stockpile of pop culture phenomena, and Barry’s fast acting, we left those guys in the dust. We had a few slips (my Casablanca reenactment was completely lost on Barry until he Flashed his way through AFI’s top 100 flicks), but after that, we were golden. I think Joe purposefully threw a few rounds – I mean, how hard could it be to guess “Up?” Being the prima donna that he is, Harry grew frustrated and quit. But whatevs - his tantrum was our victory! Barry and I won our money back and the game seemed to have lifted his spirits, enough for him to even crack a smile!

Overall, I think poker night was a success. It’ll take a lot more to get Barry back on his feet, but maybe with his pile of winnings he can buy himself something nice - like that set of Swarovski Erlenmeyer flasks he’s been eyeing. #nerd.