Daily Mail reports man stubbing his toe as ‘Immigrant Muslim paedophiles massacre hundreds’

The Daily Mail has reported on a man stubbing his toe with the headline ‘Immigrant Muslim paedophiles massacre hundreds’.

The move follows the Daily Mail responding to a minor altercation between two men on Oxford Circus tube platform with a story claiming ‘Lorry ploughs into people. Blood everywhere. Police fire shots’.

“With breaking stories like this man stubbing his toe, it’s important to get something out there as soon as possible,” said Daily Mail editor and colossal shit Paul Dacre.

“Obviously, some finer details may be lost, but it’s been a long time since the Daily Mail’s first priority was the dissemination of facts.

“As ever, our foremost intention is to make sure our readers continue to be quite scared of Muslims, refugees and anyone who doesn’t live on their street.”

Daily Mail readers have, as ever, responded to the ‘Immigrant Muslim paedophiles massacre hundreds’ toe-stubbing story with a terrifying mixture of stupidity and racism.

“It’s typical of these Muslims, coming over here from Russia to live up trees, that they would massacre hundreds by having a man stub his toe,” said Mail Online follower @truebritisherman.

Another Mail Online follower responded to the story with enigmatic tweet “sadlifughaskdfhaskjd,” as he works his computer mainly by mashing his face against the keyboard.

The Mail has subsequently reported on a woman dropping a Christmas bauble with the headline ‘Hard-line Islamist terror squad establishes caliphate in woman’s Christmas tree’ and a cat going missing for a day with the headline ‘Cat, radicalised in local mosque, visits terrorist cat camp in Afghanistan’.

I think, therefore I am (not a Daily Mail reader) – get the t-shirt!