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As the days led up to the Kavanaugh confirmation, I knew in my gut Republicans would pull this off. Kavanaugh himself was the central key to their ability to protect Trump and to push forward a far right agenda with no morals or principles to slow them down. No other justice would do, because other justices might put the Constitution and actual conservative principles first.

A blow right to the core of my being as my country abandoned me and all of the other women, children and men who need a government to defend the laws that protect their right to not be assaulted.

My country thinks that being accused by many credible women of sexual assault is not only okay, but appropriate for the highest court in the land and the White House.

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Others around me had hope, but I had none.

When you have looked into the face of evil, you know that the rule is when it sees you are vulnerable, it kicks harder. When it sees you need help, it spits on you. When it sees that its actions are harming you, it smiles. This is exactly what Republicans have been doing, and Mitch McConnell is even celebrating himself being a “villain” to half the country.

The agenda is not the same. Most of us are doing what we think is best for our country and the people in it, but some people, and many of them are in elected positions and now the Supreme Court, do not care one bit about our country or the people in it. Their agenda is not the same, and this is not a matter of ideology; it’s a matter of gluttonous power grabs. An abuse of power so grave it can hardly be digested.

So I knew it was coming and it did, yet still it knocked me off my feet. I howled in agony. I am not a howling kind of person, and that the actions of Republicans are forcing me to reveal parts of myself that I am not comfortable with let alone are not my professional voice or part of my personality makes me even more angry.

Yes, I literally went outside to the woods and howled. I couldn’t contain myself. And again, I am not a person who cries or shows emotion easily.

This government does not see women’s bodies as mattering, and now Republicans are trying to frame our anger over grievous violent assault against us being ignored as “anarchy.”

‘But he might be innocent,’ a Republican said to me on Twitter.

Yes, well, he might be guilty. And that is more to the point, since this was a job promotion and not a trial.

Isn’t this something you would want to know before putting him on the Supreme Court. I know I wouldn’t hire a writer who had many women accusing him of gang rape and drugging them. But I guess my standards are higher.

Republicans say this is a Soros/Clinton conspiracy. They say our rage, our pain, our loss of autonomy over our own bodies, is a joke.

They are accusing all of us of making up our anger.

If our anger isn’t real, that means that what happened to us is not real. That is the message Republicans keep hammering home.

Not only did they silence the women accusing Kavanaugh, but all of us. Every single one of us, because our anger is not even real. Our pain is not real to them; it’s a joke. It’s a weapon to be deployed against us for daring to speak up. We are now a “mob.” Republicans are not only dismissing their constituents who have been gravely harmed, but painting a target on our backs by calling us a mob.

Politics can be very personal. Laws and the people who interpret and enforce them can impact our lives in the most personal ways.

I used to be someone who valued compromise and following traditional rules in government even when they didn’t favor my own ideology.

All of that is gone now. Because when I recover from this blow, and I will, I will give everything I have to restore human dignity and human rights to the American people, and that means that Republicans must go. Every last one of them.

There is not a single Republican right now who can be trusted to value the rights of the people they are supposed to represent over their party’s alarming power grab.

They all have to go. And inevitably, because power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely, we will need balance again one day. I hope a real conservative party is reborn out of the ashes of this repulsive, gloating collection of evil-enablers.

But right now, if our country is to survive, we need to get these people who are behaving like sociopathic monsters (jailing babies, putting a probable rapist on the Supreme Court, mocking a rape victim, I could go on and on) out of office.

This has been the most painful experience of my life. Worse than being sexually assaulted. Worse than being stalked. Worse than many of the other horrible things that have happened to me because of my gender.

It’s worse because every single one of the women I love is also writhing in pain and unable to even talk about this yet. Female strangers I meet here in Trump country have broken down sobbing to me about Kavanaugh. A customer service representative cried on the phone before praying for our country and warning me about wire hanger abortions killing women.

All of the women I love are in horrendous pain, and Republicans are mocking them and laughing at them.

All of the men and women and children who love these women are helpless to soothe, and can do nothing but stand by and rage, as Republicans laugh at us all.

I have been forever changed by this. I know I’m not alone, and that is almost worse because I hate to think of other people feeling this horrible.

I spent the weekend curled into a ball taking Xanax to get me through the hours of wondering why am I here. What is the point. No one cares about us, we are worthless.

But by Monday, I knew it was a lifetime war. Tuesday I knew I would get there. And I will.

I hope you join me.

This article is an editorial by PoliticusUSA’s co-publisher Sarah Jones.