— Asked by Anonymous

Hello! I think it’s more likely that it isn’t a side effect, because sexual feelings and anxiety come from different places. You won’t know until you really examine your feelings. In my view, anxiety is sort of like a filter with which you view the world: people, situations, events, etc. When you remove that filter, you can more honestly assess your feelings. First, ask yourself, when have I ever felt sexual attraction? Think of all the people you’ve felt sexually attracted to. If you only felt attracted to them after forming an emotional bond, then you’re most likely demisexual. If you can count the number of people on that list with one hand, you’re probably somewhere on the ace spectrum.

I’m guessing that your severe social anxiety means that it takes you a long time to get to know people and trust them, which is what is leading to your identifying as demisexual. But even with social anxiety, I think you’d know if you were sexually attracted to someone. If you went out and saw a movie or TV show actor or an attractive person on the street, you’d probably find them sexually appealing before your social anxiety kicked in and made you have thoughts that made them unappealing (if that makes sense). Sexual attraction is often an innate thing that we can’t really control, so it would probably be unaffected by anxiety. The anxiety would only affect how you chose to think about it or act upon it.

Hopefully all that makes sense. Even if you’re unsure in the end, I don’t think it matters. You shouldn’t let your anxiety prevent you from identifying as demisexual if you think it fits you perfectly and allows you to better understand yourself. As long as the label is useful to you, you should use it.