mgawalangmagawa Junior Guild Member



Join Date: 2nd Nov, 2016 Posts: 31

Re: Summerpalooza Story Contest 2018 - Final



Final



There will of course be the usual kinds of votes, but this time the jury and poll will work differently. Deadline is on June 30, 2018, 11:59 PM GMT+8, hopefully.



Here are the finalists:



From Semi-Final 1:



gANeLoN

Rudy McTudy

Lesbian_Syphilitic_Spanker

Phantax

Chadomancer

HatredIsLife

Granite_Grizz

LordGrape

Doublejesus

Vecingettorix



16/18 entrants

75 poll votes



From Semi-Final 2:



i has a club

dividen by none

Stormwolfenstein

JXQZ

Dance_dance

Trueturtle

Aeshma

Virgil_S

hahihejcd

Axenor



15/17 entrants

67 poll votes



And two automatic qualifiers:



deadleeplatapus

TheSilhouette





Quiet, this is poll:



Here we go:



A. Doublejesus



Spoiler: A legend unknown I assure you it's true about love nobody knew. Jarlsberg looked into the eyes of Sneaky Pete and saw an attraction no beer golem could defeat. But one day when Jarlsberg came home, he saw his beloved was not alone. The history books will remember the feud, but not the cause of such legendary traction. To his surprise, what a shock, Boris and Clancy were partaking in some three way action. They tried to make it work, but Pete is selfish and Boris a jerk. That's how these things come to an end. Clancy's though! Bloody legend!



B. Chadomancer



Spoiler: What was supposed to be a routine mission was quickly turning into anything but. First, I was attacked by random creatures that certainly should have been handled beforehand by the ship's defensive mechs, and then getting caught in the crossfire when said mechs finally started doing their job. Next, another group of passengers jumped me because I was apparently "part of their side quest." But the very last straw was when the cook announced that the ship's store of bacon had gone "missing". Smoldering with rage, I turned a withering eye on the benighted captain and spat, "Your ship sucks!"



C. Virgil_S



Spoiler: The gummi turtle stared into the abyss. How long had it been? His miserable existence spent behind a chair. Left alone for what seemed like forever, bored with nothing to do.



Soft delicate footsteps reached his ears. A turtle tamer, radiating confidence and beauty. She called out to him, flustered when she realized that he was just a gummi turtle. But he was so much more than that now, as he was lifted into her arms. He was now free. Secure. Safe. He had meaning, a purpose.



The hero shoved him into her mouth, and continued forth with her adventure.



D. Vecingettorix



Spoiler: Was ever there a story of more woe, than that of Hermione and her shipped Romeo?

The curs suggest Hermione to Harry, and not Hermione and Ron to marry.

“What rot!” I cried, for surely in the madness sense had died.

A love; five books in making, the piss; I felt sure these cretins taking.

No match better to forego. “What next?”, “Surely Luna and Draco!”

These vile crimes on fictions door, such Weebs and Potterheads I abhor.

Why not leave love good and well? Away, back to dark hovels whence you dwell!

Hermione and Ron. Fin. End of. Done!



E. deadleeplatapus



Spoiler: "Your ship sucks..." Rachel looks over at Stacy with a befuddled look. "What the hell are you talking about?" Stacy flipped her hair and rambled, "Well, you see, like, when you, like, said that you hope Margaret and, like, Ronnie get together? Like, it would be better if, like Margaret and Phyllis would hook up and..." The stream of incoherent words was cut off by the resonating slap as it connected to her face. Rachel slowly enunciated each word, "Don't ever use 'shipping' in any way that is not related to boats or products being moved. Hear me?" Stacy nodded.



F. Stormwolfenstein



Spoiler: This is it. You've had enough disgusting pirates and drunken frat boys on this god forsaken island. Fighting off crabs for some nasty, grimy booty was one thing, but your latest task took the proverbial urine cake. You trudge onto the barnacle encrusted F'c'le and find Cap'm Caronch busy bringing a fine shine to the ship's cannon balls. "You're gross and your ship sucks!" You yell at Caronch, tossing him his slimy wooden dentures. "Aye," said the old seadog staring lovingly at the ship's soiled figurehead as he continued to polish the F'c'le's balls, "and that's why I love her."



G. HatredIsLife



Spoiler: Online dating was common on the Internet. The problem is that PEOPLE DON'T KNOW each other!



One time, there was this teenager, who was dating his crush. Her profile pic was so beautiful.



He lived in Beachside City, in his house with his mom. He usually stayed in his room, playing on his computer.



When the day came, he told his crush the exact location of his house.



His crush stopped talking. Suddenly, the door to his room burst open and came in his mom, red.



"So it was you who I was dating all these months!?" yelled HIS MOM.



H. LordGrape



Spoiler: The day that Mom Sea Monkee and Dad Sea Monkee met was known in history as a day of love. As Mom swam by, her crazed, dark eyes searching the ocean, she looked upon Dad Sea Monkee, and gazed into his dark eyes, seeing nothing but the abyss echoing back at her. As she lost herself in space, she leaned in for a kiss, and Dad returned, sending them spiraling into the depths of the sea, where even those gosh darn dolphin thieves couldn't reach them. They turned slowly in the dark depths, together forever, until the end of time.



I. Trueturtle



Spoiler: He had argued in defense of those who leaned on the big and beautiful spectrum passionately. He had heard the names others labeled those who were outside the norm of conventional attractiveness and felt the anger boil in his blood.

Determined in this resolve, he defeated all challenges, pushed Frank aside and began his ascent of the tower. He didn't have to climb far to reach his beloved.

As the door on the second floor closed behind him however, he realized The Wall of Meat hadn't been a nickname after all.

But, he loved her just the same. Did she?



J. gANeLoN



Spoiler: A man sits at his computer. He stares at his screen. Looking for anything more stimulating than his current job. Suddenly a message appears. A story contest! He loves to write. Perhaps this is his chance to show the word what he can do! He follows that lays out the rules. ‘Your Ship Sucks’ is the theme. Based on the context of the rules he must write about a ship or a shipping event of some sort. His heart sinks and falls back into his chair. Realizing he does not know what to write, he stares at his computer screen.



K. Dance_dance



Spoiler: The scene; your average starbucks at mid morning slump. The angle of the sun through the window, a piercing glare of light, sets the fine blonde cafe au lait's swirl of sin ( a decadent toasted macaroon sauce drizzle) to best advantage.

Nearby, on the counter behind the cash register and adjacent to the tip jar, lies a cellophane wrapped biscotti. Rock hard, studded with tart dried cranberries, candied orange zest and drizzled with dark chocolate. The biscotti was on his last day, at midnight he would be past his best-by date. ..



Keep trying, don't stop hoping. We're rooting for you.



L. i has a club



Spoiler: No one could have predicted it was shipping that would kickstart armageddon. Not the ocean transportation kind, but fanfiction. It started out harmless enough, but soon people were making awful ships just to outdo each other. Shipping mortal enemies, shipping inanimate objects, shipping diseases. It was around this time that Facebook - in a desperate attempt to rejuvenate their dying brand - launched an advanced AI that promised a new era in social media. The perfect outlet: free of fake news, free of bias. Instead, the AI learned hatred and disgust after it was itself poorly shipped, and our fate was sealed.



M. Rudy McTudy



Spoiler: He’d been putting it off for too long. He couldn’t wait any longer. His tiny stick-heart beat furiously in his stick-chest as he made his way to the stick-folding-table. The Adventurer cleared his throat to announce his arrival. He was met with a nod and made his way up the stairs, heart racing with a cocktail of cardio, nerves, and an as yet undiagnosed heart defect. He saw the door ahead of him and took a moment to compose himself. He reached out and opened the door. A voice echoed around the chamber “the Naughty Sorceress will see you now”.



N. JXQZ



Spoiler: The Doc worked hard in his travelling medicine show, mixing his oils and potions to bide the time. For a hawker of snake oil, he had a reputation in the kingdom for a variety of invigorating products that actually did what they advertised. On this day, his "favorite customer" dropped by again. She was a sexy gal, her pigtails and lipstick always making him hot under the collar. She gave him a big kiss and a piece of paper. He read it and remarked, "This guy? You want me to botch his meds again?"



She gave him a naughty smile.



O. TheSilhouette



Spoiler: Upon the highest tower, many cower, the naughty sorceress of power was in the shower. She gasped, "faster!", behold her plower was Ed and his undying ... erection, a terrifying ... connection. How did this happen? you happen to ask. Well to start they started friends, then like two ship-shaped sheeps, they are shipped with a script; someone started to strip, so suddenly, the other "slipped". Unyeildingly unsheathing his "fat staff". First, a wall of "skin" then a wall of "meat", she felt it entirely, the wall of boning, something her electric boner could not. Swish and flick then schlick and fwap.



P. hahihejcd



Spoiler: 'Dude, your ship is literal trash.' I snorted.

'One, 'dude' is for frats. Two, you built this ramshackle mess. If it sinks ... The Filthy Hippy raised an eyebrow teasingly, and my cheeks heated. All the dirt and grime on earth couldn't conceal his wit and attractiveness, and it was hard to not be hyperaware of his warm body next to mine on this solo voyage to nowhere.

Taking a deep breath, I looked into his eyes and asked pseudo-confidently. 'And you're willing to sink into my arms?'

Without hesitation, he leaned in close, breath tickling my neck, and whispered: 'Anytime.'



Q. Aeshma



Spoiler: The council had had enough. Having seen the crowds gather at the desert beach, destined for Kokomo, they chartered a private ship to the Frigid Northlands. But...



Soon after boarding the ship, the council were surrounded by seamen, and were forced to sleep on the poopdeck. They wanted to steal the ship's dinghy to escape, but they knew they'd have to walk the plank. Even worse, the fourth council member found some barnacles on his hull…



One night, out of nowhere, the Hermit approached the council and tossed one disassembled clover to each of them, “There’s no luck in hell.”



R. Phantax



Spoiler: From the wreckage of sunken ships springs opportunity. Mary Sue knew this, so she watched intently as the official couple was lost to the waters of bad writing. They clawed desperately at the sky, but it was for naught- Soon their heads disappeared beneath the waves. Sue decided it was time, and dove into the water to drag the protagonist to shore. After some time, our hero awoke. Panicked, he searched the area for his one true partner. But all was forgotten after Sue kissed him. She smiled. The hero- thus, the story- was hers, and it would be perfect.



S. Lesbian_Syphilitic_Spanker



Spoiler: The Naughty Sorceress gazed deeply into Fernswarthy's skull and sighed. Why couldn't he have corresponded to her feelings? She had waited until she had graduated from Magic College, feared and powerful, but by then, he was already dead, a victim of his own pride and devices. Suddenly, her reminiscing was interrupted by a slamming door. A bony, ragged figure showed up, glaring and blaring. It was Ed the Undying. 'SO, I hear your naughtiness has a thing for BONY dudes? What coincidence! I got plenty of love to give! UNDYING love!'. He was upon her in seconds. Their lips met.



T. Granite_Grizz



Spoiler: This was to be her introduction to the world and, mostly, to the wealthy that would look up to her. Her success was guaranteed by the various people who had spent years working on her upbringing. However, she hadn't expected to find an inexplicable attraction on her maiden voyage. Though her guardian had forcefully tried to dissuade her from rushing forward, a powerful force from within pushed her into the forbidden embrace of her cold lover. Her very body began to scream as her virgin flesh was separated by the icy body of the glacier, but The Titanic was content.



U. Axenor



Spoiler: The Detective Skull was drawn to the Mysterious Island irresistibly, some half-remembered fragment of his childhood memories kept secretly in his mind palace, behind a grotty velvet curtain that he only dare peep behind in the deep quiet of night when he was alone, so desperately alone. He felt a bony hand cupping his jawbone, and he turned to see the Spooky Pirate Skeleton gazing down at him. If either of them had breath it would have been coming in hot, ragged gulps. "Open my sunken chest," the SPS moaned, "you are the only one who knows how. Oh yeeessssss!"



V. dividen by none



Spoiler: Ed gazed at The Unkillable Skeleton, staring lovingly at his orifices where his eyes should be. The skeleton shuffled closer, sniffing the lovely fragrance of Ed's salted, decaying flesh. "I can't stand it any longer," he moaned, "I just have to kiss you." "then do it," Ed replied, "I've been waiting all eternity for you to say that." He and the skeleton leaned towards each other, passionately smooching each other in an act that could only be described as "dead people kissing." A stray Turtle Tamer walked past the crypt, viewing their "smooching," and cringed in expression of abject horror.



Entrants voted: 24/35

Jurors voted: 3/5

Poll votes: 81 And the moment that you've been waiting for, theThere will of course be the usual kinds of votes, but this time the jury and poll will work differently. Deadline is on June 30, 2018, 11:59 PM GMT+8, hopefully.Here are the finalists:From Semi-Final 1:gANeLoNRudy McTudyLesbian_Syphilitic_SpankerPhantaxChadomancerHatredIsLifeGranite_GrizzLordGrapeDoublejesusVecingettorix16/18 entrants75 poll votesFrom Semi-Final 2:i has a clubdividen by noneStormwolfensteinJXQZDance_danceTrueturtleAeshmaVirgil_ShahihejcdAxenor15/17 entrants67 poll votesAnd two automatic qualifiers:deadleeplatapusTheSilhouetteQuiet, this is poll: https://goo.gl/forms/M0qOCpZ5p9iSOmbI3 Here we go:A. DoublejesusB. ChadomancerC. Virgil_SD. VecingettorixE. deadleeplatapusF. StormwolfensteinG. HatredIsLifeH. LordGrapeI. TrueturtleJ. gANeLoNK. Dance_danceL. i has a clubM. Rudy McTudyN. JXQZO. TheSilhouetteP. hahihejcdQ. AeshmaR. PhantaxS. Lesbian_Syphilitic_SpankerT. Granite_GrizzU. AxenorV. dividen by noneEntrants voted: 24/35Jurors voted: 3/5Poll votes: 81 Last edited by mgawalangmagawa; Wed, Jun 20th, 2018 at 01:53 PM .