This one goes out to all of our Catholic readers out there. Pope Francis is the most recently elected Pope in the Catholic Church and is probably best known for his outspoken inclusiveness to the church. The world was shocked and in awe when he spoke out about members of the gay community and passing no judgement to them. What a great guy! And he has not stopped there. As of this morning he answered another long asked question: Does God care about bugs? The answer is yes. He does monitor every bug you’ve killed and it will count against you. Shit! Looks like I’ll see you in Hell.



I’m all for the Pope being more politically correct and up with the times, but come on… bugs!? Bugs are gross! I’ve stomped and smooshed every little, six-legged critter I’ve come across. Now you’re telling me it’s a sin? Crap! I’ll burn for eternity for sure!

Just the other day, I was on my way to the bathroom, when a wolf spider fell from the ceiling and landed right in front of me. I squealed like a pig being chased by a coyote. You bet your ass I squashed that mofo on first sight! There’s no way God didn’t see that one. Yet another tally ticked under my name for bug killer. Let the flames of damnation take me now.

It doesn’t even end there! I was at my dear old grannie’s house last week and out of nowhere, an army of ants started rushing in from the spice cabinet. Granny yelled, “Torch the bastards!” so I grabbed a can of Axe Body Spray and a Bic lighter and blasted the horde with all day freshness. My granny was an accomplice for this one! She never hurt anybody! Does that mean she’ll join me in Satan’s lair? According to the Pope; yes.

Well guys, I don’t think there’s any getting out of this one. We’re all going to Hell. Bugs: 1. Humans: 0. If somehow you’ve managed to not kill a single creepy crawler in your life, even in passing, then keep it going and watch out. There are trillions of them all over the world. Blech! Even just thinking about it grosses me out.