Impeachment Inquiry Proceedings Spawn Surge Of Babies Named "Quid Pro Quo"

The primary struggle for soon-to-be parents is not ensuring the house is free from lethal hazards, brushing up on the latest parenting guidelines to ensure their child will be free of emotional scarring, or figuring out work-life balance so their child will grow up knowing who they are. No, the primary struggle for soon-to-be parents is choosing the perfect name for their child who will undoubtedly hate it for most of their life until either their self-esteem yields and they accept their fate in life or they change it the first chance they get and distance themselves physically and emotionally from the direct sources of their genetic material. So what better selection method is there than looking to some pop icon or world event?

Data gathered from last week’s US births shows a spike in babies named “Quid Pro Quo.” The Latin phrase denoting “a favor for a favor” dominated the news cycle for several days, so it’s not surprising that scores of parents chose the moniker to represent their offspring. As with the popularity of Game of Thrones and the swell of children named “Khaleesi,” it’s clear that people aren’t concerned whether they know what a name means--or whether it will eventually become associated with the mad slaughter of thousands of fictional civilians--all that matters is that it hits the top ten on a list of trending terms on a well-regarded social media site.

By the end of last week, “quid pro quo” had already fallen off trending lists, replaced by terms surrounding Thursday Night Football and Call of Duty server issues. We’ll have to wait for more numbers to come in, but based on current trends I predict this week to show a boost in babies named “Kincade,” as few will actually click to find out that it is the name given to the California fire raging in Sonoma County.