A Member Of The BDSM And Indian Swinging Community Reveals A Lot More Than His Fetishes

Let me tell you a few things about fetishes.

My personal experience with fetishes has been about a lot of exploring, some trial and error and definitely good luck on certain occasions. Of course, when I say fetish, I mean that in the broadest way possible. For example, I have a fetish for playing with a woman’s earlobes. Just stroking it, holding it between my fingers, and on occasion, pinching it hard enough to make a woman bitch slap me. It’s not a sexual fetish and it doesn’t give me an erection, but it’s just a pleasurable act for me. Not just to inflict the pain, but also caress, soothe and take care of something so soft and delicate.

Post coital nibbles. Image source: wisetoast.com

That’s what people in the BDSM lifestyle call after-care. You can’t really spank the shit out of someone and then walk away. Safe, consensual fetish play usually involves clear communication, honest discussions, limits and boundaries being decided, and the eventual after-care that follows. Just like any marriage.

BDSM / Kink is a lifestyle. Illustration by: Eshna Goenka

As a teenager, one of my earliest fetishes involved curvy women. Not fat, or thick, but curvy. Which means big firm tits, a small slender waist, and a perfectly round ass. Blame it on the hormones and biological imperative we all carry in our DNA. I’d always be hitting on curvy women, who were obviously older than me. Dated a few of them but you can’t really do much as a teenager because either you don’t know enough, or there’s no one to really show you the ropes. By 14, I was already bragging about losing my virginity and mocking all the dry-humpers. By 15, I was telling everyone about that one kinky time when I had sex with a girl while in the backseat of her parents car. While they were driving in the front seat!

O is a shape again. Image source: pinterest.com

I had the good fortune to learn how to properly go down on a woman, when I was 16 and my curvy female mentor was 38. There was a lot of love and affection in that relationship, and I learnt a lot about the female body and mind, which I could never have learned from a book. It set the tone for my future sex life, because I became one of those elite few guys who could actually give good head. A rarity in those days, but much more common today.

Master the art for brownie points. Image source: linkis.com

As I grew older, other fetishes were explored. Early experiments with BDSM were clumsy, bordering on injurious, especially with blood play. Sex in public places was common and I joined the mile high club at 18. Sex in front of people was a massive turn-on, if they didn’t catch you. And if they did catch you, well, what could they do?

The internet hadn’t really taken off so there was no one to talk to or nothing to read about the fetishes you’re into. It was all trial and error, and hoping that the girl you’re dating is as kinky as you are. It was a tough time - the girls kept getting emotional about the relationship (bro-tip: a girl will never want to lose you if you give good head), double-dating was expensive and that elusive threesome with 2 girls that every boy wants never ever happened.

When pain becomes pleasure. Image source: vice.com / Illustration com: Brandon Bird

But then at 21, rather late in life, I met an angel who I dated very seriously for the next three years. A soft-spoken South Indian college girl who had never dated anyone before, and didn’t ever want her parents or even friends to find out we were dating. Who didn’t ever want to lose her virginity. Hence anal sex. In my house, every afternoon, between leaving college and going home. Every single day. Except weekends.

To keep up the charade that we were not dating, she allowed me to date other girls, as long as it was only sex, and not a relationship. That elusive threesome with 2 girls was still a long way off, but to be in an open relationship was a mind-boggling experience. She was extremely loyal and never dated anyone else, but allowed me such free rein that it felt divine. There were so many emotional and mental aspects to deal with, that it was a rush just living that life.

Threesomes if you're lucky. Image source: gayx.it

Soon, the only fetishes that remained to be explored were hardcore BDSM and orgies. Back then, it was really difficult to find partners for these things. In fact, my first few threesomes at age 25 were with older, married couples, with no man-to-man play. The husbands usually watched and took pictures, were extremely grateful afterwards and would always call you back within a few months. I had a regular set of 2-3 couples I would play with, at first alone but later, sometimes with a curious girl partner if she came along. That’s how I got into foursomes and realised that swinging for most married couples involved 4-way compatibility which is very hard to find. So they’d prefer single guys or girls to join them.

Today, I’ve had the luck to find really sweet and kind girl partners, who explore a lot of these fetishes with me, sometimes for the first time themselves. And that elusive threesome with 2 girls has happened many times over. In different parts of the world. Mostly with more than 2 girls.

Kinky since the time of Kamasutra. Illustration by: Eshna Goenka

Back then, even after searching everywhere, you’d only find a handful of people interested in the same fetishes as you. But today, that number has risen exponentially. Thanks to the internet and more people opening up their minds, their sex lives and their marriages, you’ll always find your kink within the fetish community in India.

Again, I mean fetish in it’s broadest sense. There are the singles, the swingers, the paid couples, the escorts, the BDSM kinksters, the LGBTQ community, the crossdressers and sissies, the machos and the bears, the masters and slaves, the doms and subs. And they’re all online, looking for someone to share their fetish with.

What's your fetish? Image source: funnydirtymind.com

On the occasion of International Fetish Day, maybe you should go find your kink.

Is there a fetish that you have questions about? Would you like to know more about my dirty nasty sex life? Why? Write in to 101india.com and I promise to answer. Anonymously. To start.

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are independent views solely of the author(s) expressed in their private capacity and do not in any way represent or reflect the views of 101India.com.

Images have been used for representational purposes only.



By Bharat Singh

Cover photo credit: mensxp.com