The night before school, I wrote a long and apologetic break up note to my then boyfriend. The abuse was spiraling out of control and at least every other day I was being hit, pushed, yelled at all in secrecy. I thought that if I explained this wasn’t healthy he would understand.

I never had the opportunity to give him the note and deliver the final break up that day because he already had gotten to me.

I was at school and everyday for fourth period I would have to leave campus and drive to the community college for my biology lab. I used to use his car but on this day I decided to ride with my girlfriends because I was going to give him the note and try to cut all ties. As we were walking to the parking lot he quickly came up behind me. He was in a frenzy and I could see the crazy look in his eyes that no one else would or could ever understand. He knew I was with my friends so his behavior was more as though a victim. He pleaded with me, get in his car he will take me, he loves me.. Blah Blah the whole nine yards but I could hear the agitation in his voice. My friends sort of just stared because at the time they didn’t know how he had abused me. We were only 17. I put my stuff in the back seat of her car. I was on the passenger side. Unfortunately enough his car was parked right next to hers. The two girls were on the other side. He grabbed my arm. I knew they couldn’t see. I do not know why, but I sheepishly told them I would drive with him and I would see them in a little. Maybe it was the fear, the constant cycle of submission, I don’t know. I wish in that moment I would have just jumped in her car and left. Luckily I left my stuff in her car, which saved my life later.

As they both reluctantly looked at me and waved goodbye he shoved me into the back seat. He began driving through the school and was in such a mania episode I knew this was it. My heart was beating so hard but I kept cool because I know that crying and screaming can only make it worse.

The entire time he was screaming at me, things I cannot even remember. I pleaded with him finally and told him to take me to the school because I had lab. He was like sure I’ll take you there. He pulled into the most secluded part of the parking lot. As I tried to get out he yanked my arm back so hard I hit part of my face against the front car seat. He came in from the back and choked me until I could not breathe. He kept slapping me and punching my chest. He told me he was going to kill me. I tried to scream but no one heard. He then headbutted me and broke my nose. I began bleeding everywhere and this is when he freaked out. I was halfway out of the car and he kicked me back inside. He jumped in the front seat just screaming at the top of his lungs and drove off like a maniac. I laid on the seat just praying to God to let my family know I was sorry. He kept chanting he was going to kill me and himself. He drove around for what felt like hours.

I finally sat up, knowing my impeding death would probably come soon and noticed we were on 41. I began screaming and trying to wind down the windows but every lock was on. I banged on the windows and screamed and cried. We were at a stop light and my arm hurt so much I could barely try to open the door. I remember the person next to me. He had on sunglasses. He saw me. He looked away. People are afraid to involve themselves into violence I suppose.

My screams made it worse. He drove faster and faster and took me to this park near the harbor. We used to come to this park all the time to hold hands ,talk, watch the water. But today he took me here for other reasons. He told me to clean my face and dragged me up the stairs to the restroom. The restrooms are on stilts I suppose because it is a flood zone. I could barely walk I was in so much pain and sometimes you just let your body give up because this was it.

He dragged me into the girls restroom and threw water in my face. I cleaned up the blood. He then dragged me back to the car. Everything was silent. I laid my head down and just prayed. Over and over and over. I wanted my mother so badly. Suddenly the car was parked and we were at his house.

His mother ran outside calling me names telling me to get the hell away from her house. By the way his mother was a coke head and a prostitute. I was so numb. My shoes were gone. I barely remember all that happened. I walked home and came inside.

Apparently this went on for five hours. My mother said the police and school contacted her because my friends said they had my school books but I never showed up to class. She said they were going to issue an amber alert but never did.

The embarrassment and guilt and feelings of just laying down and dying didn’t end there.

The next day I was interrogated by the police as though it was my fault. I know they knew I was lying about what happened but looking back they could have had someone with more compassion in their voice to talk to me and reassure me it would be okay. Okay to tell the truth. I knew they couldn’t protect me.

You know what the officer said to me? DO YOU WANT THIS TO HAPPEN TO SOMEONE ELSE?

And all I could think was, what about me? it will happen to me again…

I went to school with bruises on my face, arms and neck. I covered up some, but all my teachers knew. Only one teacher had tried to help but I’ll save this for another post. I do not think that people know how to approach a young adult in violence because I wasn’t married, I had no child with him, I wasn’t living with him.

Our school systems - especially Charlotte County Public Schools needs to know how to address and treat victims of violence. Female or Male. I was only a child.