Did you know Detroit elected its first white mayor in 40 years (drink!) while Toronto's mayor admitted he's a ridiculous crackhead?

Yes, you probably did notice those two things. What you likely didn't do was juxtapose them in a tortured effort to make a Larger Point? You probably did not do that because you're not a weaksauce pundit struggling to fill a column on deadline.

Fortunately, the Windsor Star's Chris Vander Doelen performed the noble task of comparing Detroit's election and Toronto's Marion Barry moment in what must be a desperate plea for inclusion on Alex Pareene's next Hack List.

Let's check out the highlights.

Windsor Star: You’re probably already sick of the instant image makeover sanctimonious Toronto has just given itself: The mayor of the world’s most famously dull city smokes crack with black immigrant gangsters? Really? Detroit, on the other hand, has surprised the world for the right reasons. Who would have guessed that a bankrupt black community with a crippling garrison complex would elect a square white dude from the suburbs? This is a brand new Detroit – not the one everybody thinks they know.

Toronto is sanctimonious and Detroit is black. It's really fun to reduce large and complex communities to a single, mostly superficial, identifier.

For what it's worth, Detroit's population is 82.69% African-American. Windsor's population is 77.1% white. Should we start referring to Windsor as a white city? For example: Eddie Francis, the mayor of the white community of Windsor, dined on sushi last night while wearing pleated khakis and a button-down Oxford shirt. How does that sound?

To steal from an old Cadillac commercial, Detroit zigged when the world expected it to zag. And now it’s smug Toronto that’s the new target of the late night TV monologues.

So, we are defining great cities based on Jay Leno routines as opposed to quality of life, commerce, or public service delivery? Because I'm going to go out on a limb as suggest that, Rob Ford or no, most Detroiters would love for their city to be as functional as Toronto. In fact, I'd go so far as to say even Mike Duggan would admit that.

They’re doing so from the top down, and for the first time in 40 years they unexpectedly ignored the race of the candidates.

What a breathtaking flaw of logic. Detroit's previous four elected mayors were all African-Americans, but that doesn't mean they were necessarily elected on the basis of race. After all, it's not like Sharon McPhail lost to Dennis Archer in 1993 because she was too white. Detroiters had no problem electing white at-large Councilmembers Maryann Mahaffey and Shelia Cockrel during that era. Mahaffey sometimes tallied comparable vote totals to winning mayoral candidates.

Also, take a look at the recent past mayors of the white community of Windsor. They're all pretty white. When will Windsor voters finally look past race when they go to the polls? One almost has to wonder whether Windsorites "may not have some of the necessities" required to elect a nonwhite candidate.

No one would have been surprised had they chosen African-American candidate Benny Napoleon, the former police chief who kept dropping broad and obvious references to “our city” and “them.”

Everyone would've been surprised if Napoleon had won the race. He ran a lackluster campaign. He trailed in every poll taken since the primary. He was out-fundraised. He lost the primary to Duggan, who was a write-in candidate. By every predictive measure, Mike Duggan was the odds-on favorite to win this race unless you throw out all the data and just go: Negroes, amirite?

Instead, by choosing corporate fixer Duggan as mayor to replace the retired sports star now in office, Detroiters have shown they mean business, literally, and have bumped racial identity way down their list of priorities.

Wait, Dave Bing is just a "retired sports star" now? Because I seem to remember four years ago when he was businessman-not-a-politician Dave Bing. But this time it's really significant Detroiters elected a mayor with a business background. You know, because Duggan buys high-SPF sunscreen.

Both men are Democrats, both are lawyers, both were Detroit born, and both made their lives in law enforcement. Both men tried appealing to voters angered by Gov. Snyder’s decision to hand the daily administration of the city of Detroit over to the emergency manager Kevyn Orr.

A half-term as county prosecutor means Mike Duggan "made" his life in law enforcement? Christ, that might be the dumbest thing ever written, "Fifty Shades" novels included.

Tellingly, Napoleon was also backed by portions of the shattered Kwame Kilpatrick machine, that mob of grasping black Democrats who surrounded the jailed former mayor.

Whereas absolutely no one connected to Kilpatrick (cough Malik Shabazz cough Conrad Mallett cough Charlie Beckham cough) backed Duggan. Benny Napoleon was maybe the worst candidate for office this side of Lyndon LaRouche and mythmaking hacks can't even stick to his legitimate faults.

Detroiters have gambled on transformation, firmly rejecting the siren song of those who appeal to race rather than reason.

"Those who appeal to race rather than reason" being people like Windsor Star columnist Chris Vander Doelen.

Also, there seems to be a lot about Detroit and very little about Toronto in a column that purported to contrast the two. Wait for it .. . .

Isn’t it funny how quickly perceptions change? In the space of a few days Toronto the Good, obsessed with its “world-class” image, has been brought down a few rungs by adolescent stupidity in its mayor’s office. And suddenly it’s Detroit that looks more like the place run by adults carefully plotting their future. Frankly, the new image looks good on both cities.

So, a crack-smoking mayor is good for Toronto? That's the conclusion? Holy hell.