AUDIO VERSION HERE! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoC9SinAvBM

The radio’s silent, the TV Set

Shows a message that begins, Sorry, but we regret..

On the doormat, the front page of The Ealing Gazette,

Proclaims:

Serious National Security Threat

The telephone’s dead, and I’m starting to fret

My heart’s palpitating, I’m covered in sweat

I just heard they’re all out of coffee

In Pret

Serious National Security Threat

The old stoner next door was round earlier, upset

He’s down to his last, hand-rolled cigarette

There’s no food in the shops, he says,

May eat his pet

Serious National Security Threat

People Fleeing their homes now, to wherever they can get

Them upstairs, apparently, have friends in Tibet

This wouldn’t have happened with Andy, Liz

Or Yvette

Serious National Security Threat

A faint knock on the door. Am I scared? You bet

See a thin, bearded man, in sharp silhouette

De De Dehhh!’s being played, on a bass clarinet,

Heralds a

Serious National Security Threat

God save us all, not just the queen in her coronet

There’s a song about her, but the words I forget

Cause I’m scared as a pig at a Bullingdon banquet

Squealing,

Serious National Security Threat

So I’m hiding, crouched down in my cramped kitchenette

I know he’s outside, with his big red rosette

He says all he wants is,

A quick tete a tete,

Yeah, right,

Serious National Security Threat

No thanks, I’m content to be always in debt

On a zero hours contract, and not been paid yet

Or sanctioned and demonized, told I’m useless and wet

Can’t even afford the flat that I let

Too stressed to digest, and popping the Tagamet

Mind always whirling, a mad pirouette

Trapped in poverty, screaming,

Beset

By thoughts of ending it, inhaling a gas-jet

Trying to find the words, the vignette

To explain how it feels, and the way you get ‘tret’

When it’s much more important that targets get met

Than you having a life-line

A security blanket

So, the last thing I need is to get caught

In the net,

Of a

Serious National Security Threat.