I’m. Tired. Of. Talking. About. This. I’m just going to come out and say it. If you’re sexualizing breasts while a mother is openly feeding her baby than you’re pretty close to a pedophile and you probably hate women.

Don’t like the way that sounds?

Good. Maybe you’re not a lost cause after all.

Sure, what I’m saying is probably extreme and terribly offensive. Be butt hurt. You should be. Your issue with me breastfeeding is just as extreme and ridiculous.

At this point I don’t really care what you think since if you’ve just opened your mouth to tell me that you feel uncomfortable with me feeding my baby than chances are you’ve just lost all the respect I had for you.

Why You’re An Asshole

My daughter starts crying and rooting at my chest. She’s six months old and we’ve reached the witching hour where she wants to nurse and fall asleep. She’s beginning to self wean but I know her cues well enough that small bits of food aren’t going to cut it. I’m in the middle of a conversation with my mother and I scramble with one hand to hold my daughter while I tug down my shirt with the other hand to free my breast. In a matter of seconds my daughter is latched and she’s nursing away.

My mom is talking and my daughter is so distracted she stops nursing to look back at the voices behind her. It’s a peaceful moment. I’m surrounded by loved ones, my daughter is happy and settled, and I’m just going about my regular life. Then my mothers partner interrupts and it takes me a second to catch up. My body tenses, I feel uncomfortable and anxious. I feel angry. A myriad of hormones and emotions from red flags to embarrassment rush through my veins.

She’s telling me it’s sexual whenever I feed my baby because boobs will always be sexual to her. Not that there is “anything wrong with breastfeeding and it’s natural”–but that doesn’t stop the sexual nature of boobs.

My sister chimes in that it’s uncomfortable because I just “flop it out” and I’m staring at my mother waiting for her to intervene. She doesn’t check anyone. She doesn’t speak up for me or her granddaughter. Instead I’m faced with this shaking rage and discomfort like my mother’s partner (my mother) is basically bringing up sexually arousal while I feed my baby. Her grandchild.

We are all women here, in this room. And I feel shame and disgust. I want to get up and leave but I feel frozen to the spot. I stop feeding my daughter and cover up. They then tell me I don’t have to stop feeding her because she needs to eat but “they’re just saying”. I listen while she continues to talk about how she grew up seeing breasts as sexual and how she can’t help seeing it as anything else.

My body is still in flight mode. I don’t trust myself to say anything because I know what I’ve said to the hundreds of people online and at public protests. I feel gross.

Sexuality is very prominent in our society. Your opinion about whether that’s okay or not, is besides the point. Sexualizing something that someone is doing without consent is predatory. You’re taking something innocent and corrupting it. Deciding to act on your sexual urges is sexually abusive. Thinking you’re justified in controlling someone’s non-sexual behavior and confirming it to your sexual deviance is wrong and harmful.

How would you feel if every time you took off your shoes someone commentated on how much they liked to fuck feet? What if they went on and on about your feet while you’re just trying to kick back and relax? What if a child was getting ready for a bath and you told that parent as they were drawing the bath that seeing naked bodies always made them think of sex? No one wants to hear or think about your sexual urges, especially when they’re just trying to feed their baby. Like any fetish, keep it to yourself unless asked. The breast is something you have conceptually sexualized. It is NOT a sexual organ. Do not approach me or my baby with your sexual energy.

If you are so uncomfortable that you are unable to curb your sexual energy then remove yourself. And don’t even come at me with the “the media sexualized it so…” bullshit because the media sexualizes EVERYTHING! Do you go up to a car and start humping it? Do you diddle yourself every time you smell cologne or perfume? Do you ejaculate every time you see rich chocolate dripping off of a strawberry? No. So why do you feel it’s okay to tell a woman who has a biological imperative to nurse her child that it is UNCOMFORTABLE or INAPPROPRIATE? Oh that’s right, probably because

You Hate Women (Even If You Don’t Know It)

Here’s a few things to think about:

No one bats an eye at the male nipple

No one gets uncomfortable by bottles (which have a very realistic nipple at the end of it)

Everyone is okay with cleavage

You’re unable to compartmentalize a woman from a sexual object

What you’re telling a mother, when you tell her to cover up, is that she and her child are actively being sexualized. You’re sexually harassing her. It’s like cat calling. You wouldn’t walk up to a woman in a tight skirt or a low cut top and inform her of its easy access. You don’t walk up to people with a camel toe and share your philosophies on public decency.

You are telling her that you are so unable to control yourself with your arousal that you are unable to move so she has to do you a solid and remove herself. Sound familiar? Read up on Rape Culture.

You’re telling whatever God you believe in has somehow fucked up and made a mistake with the biological function of our bodies.

You’re telling the mother that seeing the baby eat is basically like watching porn.

So congratulations you’re sexualizing a baby, aaaaand you’re a terrible person.

#normalizethenipple

#everybodysgottaeat