Oh, boy. When the rumor mill reveals that your cousin who eloped months before your wedding is planning to use your big day to get her first dance surrounded by family and friends, chaos ensues. Then there’s the attention-hungry sister who, at past weddings, stepped up onto the stage to “make a little toast”…before the best man got the microphone. In the movie The Wedding Singer, Steve Buscemi famously and drunkenly took the microphone to blast his family. And then there’s the guy who someone brought as a rent-a-date, who thought it would be a treat for the room if he jumped up to sing with the band. This isn’t one of those “Well, what are you gonna do?” things. “It is what it is” isn’t going to work here. These wedding spotlight-stealers can be stopped.

Aisle Files tip: Whether or not you know of any spotlight-stealers planning their own Big Moment on your Big Day, tell your deejay or band leader that no one gets the microphone unless they’re on your pre-submitted list of planned toast-makers.

Entertainers know how to handle stage-crashers, and they’re not going to be charmed by a doe-eyed, flirty sister who asks sweetly for the microphone, to make a special toast. They’ll tell her, “I’m sorry, but I’m under strict instructions to allow only the toasts the bride and groom have sanctioned. They wouldn’t like any surprises. Thanks for your understanding.” Then he can get back to his playlist. If someone jumps up on stage to sing with the band, there’s not going to be a team of burly Security guys appearing out of nowhere to hoist them over their shoulders and carry them off like at a Van Halen concert. The band leader might just play along, let the stage-crasher get a line or two in, then expertly grab the microphone, subtly turn a shoulder and walk away from him, while making that sweeping motion with his hand that the crasher can now step off the stage. Your entertainer is a professional and knows how to swerve back into his solo. Your entertainer also knows where you are in the room at every second. If a friend is headed for the stage, and you’re cheering, he’s going to let it happen.

If your Dad asks for the microphone to sing you a song, and you look thrilled, that’s going to happen. But if Guest X is making the grab, and you look mortified, your entertainer is going to save the day. I’ve heard about guests who brought a DVD, asking to use the video screen for a “surprise presentation.” Sure, it might be the sweetest presentation in the world, but no one gets to re-write the reception. That sweet video, or the “he thought it would be funny” montage from the bachelor party, isn’t going to get the spotlight during your wedding. Your entertainers have your back….but only if you tell them ahead of time about your “No one gets the microphone” rule.