SANTA CRUZ >> Steven Husong has some vivid, violent dreams from his past.

The former Soquel resident and Army National Guard sergeant said one recurring dream dredges up memories from Camp Doha in Kuwait, when a young colleague of Husong’s became depressed after more than three months at the base. The man’s wife at home was pregnant, and Husong sent him to a firing range to try to clear his head.

Later that day, the man was back at the base carrying a loaded M4 Carbine rifle when he entered a trailer with a bank of phones to call home. In the phone room, he shot himself in the head.

Husong rushed to him, and in his dream he relives the smell the gunpowder and the copper scent of the man’s blood.

“I slipped on his blood when I tried to give him CPR. It was very messy and very horrible,” Husong said. “I felt like it was my fault. It really (expletive) me up.”

Husong, now 50, lives in Napa. He suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder, which often includes flashbacks and nightmares, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. Sufferers often feel tense, can’t sleep and dive into depression and guilt. Therapy and medications can treat PTSD, but there is no easy cure.

Husong said it took a recent trip through the Santa Cruz County criminal justice system to get his life back on track.

In 2013, he pleaded guilty to felony criminal threats and felony stalking in a case that involved his ex-wife and her husband.

Now sober for two years from prescription drug and alcohol abuse, Husong said he wants to thank prosecutor Rafael Vazquez and Santa Cruz County Superior Judge Paul Burdick for their work on his case.

“He (Burdick) told me exactly what to do and exactly how to do it. I’m pretty good at following orders,” Husong said.

A smiling, good-natured, fast-talking man, Husong says his friends have described him as a “golden retriever with tattoos.”

Discharged from the military with full disability benefits in 2007, but he was plagued with problems until 2013.

Since then, he has thrown himself into volunteer work. He facilitates a weekly group of PTSD sufferers at Travis Air Force Base in the Solano County city of Fairfield and runs an Alcoholics Anonymous group at the Mare Island Veterans Affairs Outpatient Clinic near Vallejo. He also participates in a care-package service called Operation: With Love From Home and works as a veterans’ liaison Rep. Mike Thompson, D-St. Helena.

Javeit “JT” Bikul, a friend and former Marine Corps corporal, said Husong “has got a lot of energy and he’s learned how to channel that in ways that benefit the community.”

Husong says he’s a new man.

“I went from being this super-angry biker who was on every prescription drug known to man to a guy who’s feeding the homeless. I’m healthy, I look good, I’m nice, I don’t yell at people,” he said. “It’s amazing, if you’re not an angry prick, how good life can be.”

Military service

Originally from Cupertino, Husong joined the Navy about 1984, he said. He took a break from service a few years later, and joined the Army National Guard in the early 1990s while working for the US Marshals. In 2002, he was called up to serve in Afghanistan and stayed until 2005.

At Bagram Airfield in Afghanistan, Husong was in a Humvee that rolled. He broke his back and shoulder in the accident. Separately, during a planned ordnance explosion away from combat, he was hit in the head by rocks from the blast and it caused a traumatic brain injury.

Other horrible images also stuck in his mind.

One day, Husong was riding in a military vehicle giving out the National Guard’s extra portions of meals ready to eat, or MREs, to Afghans on the street. He saw a girl run toward the vehicle. She came too close and ended up under a tire. Husong tried to pull her out and save her, but it was too late.

The image of the girl under the tire still haunts Husong, who now has a 12-year-old daughter of his own.

“Sometimes I pick up my girl and see that girl,” he said. The image also comes to him when he tries to sleep. “It was a dream I couldn’t get away from.”

In 2006, Husong was sent home to San Jose to work at a military recruiting office. Doctors diagnosed him with PTSD in 2007 and discharged him.

He and his wife of 10 years had divorced by 2010, and he was living in the Soquel Hills. He couldn’t shake the pain of his breakup and his violent memories from the military. A service dog had been given to him, but the dog died and that added to his pain.

While abusing alcohol and misusing prescription drugs given to him by Veterans Affairs doctors, he had some heated arguments with his ex-wife and her new boyfriend.

“I was just a mess,” Husong said.

During a phone call, “I said something about ‘If your boyfriend comes between me and my daughter I’ll change his life,’” said Husong. “I was trying to be a tough guy.” He also threatened his ex-wife, although he said he didn’t mean it.

A few weeks later, in May 2013, Husong was driving on Highway 17 when he pulled over near Summit Road to rest. Dazed from downing four Norcos, a combination acetaminophen and hydrocodone, a Santa Cruz County sheriff’s deputy approached him and arrested him on suspicion of felony threats and extortion. The extortion claim came from another conversation with his ex-wife in which he demanded money for trips he took with his daughter.

The Sentinel ran a story about his arrest and the 11 guns that authorities seized from Husong’s home. Six handguns, two shotguns, two semi-automatic rifles and a bolt-action rifle were taken, as well as a Taser gun, a compound bow and arrows. All were legally registered.

“And I look like a terrorist in that mug shot,” Husong said.

An arrest

Husong later said he stockpiled the weapons because he was paranoid. He said he thought his house was haunted because of noises in the night. He hired three exorcists to rid the house of its demons, but the noises turned out to be a squirrel that his dog sniffed out. He said he laughs about it now.

After his arrest, Husong spent 32 days in County Jail in which he sobered up from his prescription drug and alcohol addictions.

He sold his house to post bail, and he checked in to a residential program in Yountville called The Pathway Home that treats PTSD and other war-related disorders.

Although he’s come a long way, Husong said his mental health is at the forefront of his mind.

“I have this mental illness. There’s no cure for that. I am addicted to prescription drugs. There’s no cure for that. Maybe that’s why this all happened,” Husong said.

He was treated at Pathway before he pleaded guilty in court. In part because of the progress Husong showed, he was sentenced to five years of probation with a warning of prison time if he violates his probation. He remains on probation.

Vazquez, his prosecutor, downplayed his role this month, but he acknowledged that Husong was making a concerted effort.

“He has the capability of doing some very positive things,” Vazquez said this month.

Husong said he hoped other veterans would realize they’re not alone and seek treatment. If one program doesn’t work, try another one, he said.

Up to 22 veterans take their own lives in the U.S. each day, according to a 2012 study, although that number has fallen in recent years. Husong said he doesn’t want to see any more veterans hurt themselves, hurt others or get arrested because of untreated mental health problems.

“You can’t let what you did become who you are.”

The Veterans Affairs crisis line can be reached at 800-273-8255 ext. 1 or by texting 838255 or visiting www.VeteransCrisisLine.net.

Editor’s note: This story is the first in a series about post-traumatic stress disorder.