Let’s go to Colorado! In tonight’s Southern Charm recap, we head to Colorado for a ski trip. The ladies all seem to be in a good place with each other. It is the guys that will be a problem. Speaking of the ladies, whatever happened to “Craig’s assistant” Anna Heyward? Is she off somewhere running the pillow company? But before we get to Colorado, we have to tie up a few loose ends in Charleston.

Shep Rose is apparently going to invest in more than just plane tickets for those who slide into his DMs and blow, ALLEGEDLY. He and Cameran go to look at a 3.5 acre plot of land on Jame Island for $900K. The thing is, he has already made an offer and Cameran has not seen the property before, so this is just a major insult to Cameran. Basically, he is showing her what he is buying using another agent. Who does that? I mean it is fine to use whatever agent you want, but this feels like rubbing the lost commission in Cameran’s face.

Cameran is not impressed with the land. Shep seems to be buying a pig in a poke since he doesn’t seem to think it is a flood zone. It’s an island property on a marsh. I find it impossible to believe it’s not in a flood zone. Cameran says it is a money pit. We shall see. I think the price seems a bit high. And Shep needs to be closer to a bar lest he risk a DUI. They talk about the Colorado trip and Shep is peeved that Madison is invited. He remains butthurt that she rebuffed his advances.

Under Control, Out of Control

Naomie and Metul take their nomance to a coffee shop where Metul tries to control what Naomie orders. I pointed out he was a huge control freak in my spoilers for this season. He’s doing nothing to change my mind. Are this will result in consequences for Naomie but financially, and with regard to having to film a one on one with Ashley. She is lucky they gave her this filler scene so she would get paid for the episode. Metul looks like he’d rather be anywhere else.

Craig has a college friend that comes for a visit and offers to help him with the manufacturing of his pillows. But only if Craig is willing to put in the effort to get everything going. I really don’t believe Craig is as lazy as this show always depicts him to be. Just like Kathryn wasn’t really spending $9K a month on rent or buying a Rolls Royce. The apartment was an advertisement in preparation for sale. Kathryn didn’t even like the house it had way too many stairs for her and her children. And the invoice for the Rolls Royce was not real either.

Fake News

Speaking of Kathryn, and fake news, she and Whitney meet up for lunch to stir up the fake storyline that they hooked up. Whitney says, “We have different interpretations of events.” Whitney is flattered that people think that they have hooked up though. Then, they talk about Ashley showing up at the plantation last week. Kathryn was not there as she was attending her brother’s wedding. In other fake news, Kathryn says that Patricia just texted her. Kathryn and Patricia do not talk during the off season. With Thomas Ravenel’s criminal charges and Ashley Jacobs abhorrent behavior, Patricia needed someone to film with. That is where Kathryn and Madison come in.

Why does the title of this episode imply that we are going to finally get to Colorado and we are almost halfway in only to have a dinner scene with Austen and his parents? There was literally no point for this scene.

Anger Issues

At least we are doing the packing scenes now. It always amazes me that these people don’t know how to pack. Shep pretends to tell his minder, Tony about little Craig’s habits. Like he sleeps in his crate until six a.m. As if Shep gets up to let the dog out at six a.m. That is about the time he gets home from his nightly escapades. Tony takes care of that dog. And Shep. This is literally a two day trip and Kathryn’s suitcase weighed 42 pounds. It’s just pure insanity to me.

In the Denver airport, Austen and Madison hug each other and he attempts to flirt with her. Shep can’t stand it. As Cameran says, those two are totally going to bang. Did they just say they are taking a seven hour bus ride to their final destination? No wonder Whitney doesn’t want to take a bus. Craig jumps all over Whitney for his usual pretentiousness. However, this time I agree with Whitney. I’m not doing a seven hour bus ride through the Rockies in winter. When Chelsea points out that Craig’s level of aggression toward Whitney seems a bit much, he replies that he will never speak to Chelsea again. Which seems a bit much.

Just Get On The Bus, Gus!

What is wrong with our Craig? Morning drinking on the plane? Craig storms off from the group. They reunite on the bus. It’s a very nice bus. Craig on the other hand is not being very nice. He is tearing in to Whitney. All the things he is saying are true but should have been said to both Shep and Whitney when they were being asshats to Austen and Craig at the restaurant a few episodes back. Whitney has done nothing to warrant this tirade today. Stop ruining everyone’s vacation, Craig! This is going to be a long bus ride.

Whitney and Cameran decide to bail on the bus. This is all storyline. Whitney never planned to take the bus and Cameran always manages to weasel her way into to his “producer upgrades.” Then, Craig bails on the bus after Chelsea tries to straighten out his attitude. He’s taking an Uber? That seems unlikely. Apparently, the bus ride is “only” four hours. That’s still to long to tolerate Craig’s current mood. It seems that production told everyone to get back on the damn bus. Cameran is assigned to babysit Craig.

Make A New Plan, Stan

There first stop is to a weed dispensary. Craig is excited to go in but he can’t smoke because he is an attorney. Say what? First of all he is a pro bono attorney a few hours a week. That is admirable. Bu,t there is no law that says attorneys can’t smoke a little ganga in states where it is legal.

Kathryn reminds us that weed is what made her lose her kids and have to go to rehab. While we are on that subject, I am purposely ignoring Thomas Ravenel’s endless distributions of court documents to The Blast and that shithole site regarding their custody battle. He’s going head long down the smear campaign path as part of his sexual assault defense. He is trying to claim that she failed a drug test. She did not. She uses CBD oil along with her prescriptions for her other health issues including anxiety. He’s furiously building a house of cards defense that will completely fall apart in court.

Back at the pot store, Shep buys a shit ton of stuff. There is apparently and 25.25% tax on pot. Wow! Shep’s total bill comes to $192, Craig, Madison, Kathryn and Cameran stayed on the bus and did not go inside.

And Get Yourself Free!

After fourteen hours of travel, they finally arrive at their destination. There are two houses that are side by side. They are both really nice houses. After everyone claims a bed, Shep, Austen, Craig and this random dude named Don go out to a restaurant. WTF is Don? I guess he is one of the producers. They guys literally order everything on the menu. It doesn’t matter because Bravo is paying.

Shep is even more disgusting than usual because he apparently ate a half a bag of edibles before heading out. He asks Austen if he is going to get “honey on his stinger” tonight. Shep doesn’t know how to pronounce charcuterie.

Meanwhile, Madison and Kathryn are in the hot tub talking about Austen. Madison says that Austen is her third boyfriend since she was 18. He’s her best friend and she’s having trouble separating from him. After dinner, Austen and Craig join the girls in the hot tub. The have some sort of a water gun that screws into the champagne bottle. Basically, they are wasting perfectly good champagne. Austen and Madison go in the house first and head to their separate rooms. For now.

Next week’s Southern Charm recap highlights include: a variety of skiing abilities, Kathryn shows Danni “receipts” about her fake hookup with Whitney, Shep continues to try to cock block Austen from Madison, Shep hits on Madison again, some of the crew has pasta with THC at dinner, the ridiculous storyline between Kathryn and Whitney escalates.

Share this:

Tweet

