You’ve been warned, Hillary haters. We’re all misogynists now.

I went to bed thinking I was a true feminist, one who believes in equal pay for equal work for guys and gals, no whining, no special treatment (which has pretty much been achieved — up yours, National Organization for Women!). Then I awoke to learn that, deep down, I’m a knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing, one-woman frat party.

Or maybe I’ve just made the deeply sexist observation that Hillary Clinton wears pantsuits.

The mainstream media are mainlining dwindling estrogen in an all-out effort to transform Clinton from a corrupt former secretary of state into the corrupt first woman president of the United States. A major strike in the effort to shut down naysayers came in the Aug. 17 issue of The Atlantic in a piece titled “The Era of ‘The Bitch’ is Coming.’’ Seriously.

“You know it’s coming,’’ journalist Michelle Cottle wrote.

“As hyperpartisanship, grievance politics, and garden-variety rage shift from America’s first black commander-in-chief onto its first female one, so, too, will the focus of political bigotry.

“Some of it will be driven by genuine gender grievance or discomfort among some at being led by a woman. But in plenty of other cases, slamming Hillary as a bitch, a c–t (Thanks, Scott Baio!), or a menopausal nut-job (an enduringly popular theme on Twitter) will simply be an easy-peasy shortcut for dismissing her and delegitimizing her presidency.’’

The breathtaking assertions left my poor little head in a tizzy.

Critics of President Obama’s many leadership failures were dismissed as bigots, while Clinton’s detractors, even the non-obscenity-spewing variety, were branded as uncomfortable with women in leadership roles, or as garden-variety sexists.

On Planet Democrat, questioning authority is no longer a citizen’s right. It’s an abominable breach of morality and human decency.

Other outlets infantilized the candidate even further. Quartz struck one for the warped sisterhood, putting out a piece this month arguing that even discussing the things Clinton — a self-proclaimed “pantsuit aficionado’’ — wears on her rump amounts to sexual bias.

“To many, the distinction between a suit and pantsuit smacks of sexism,’’ the website’s Marc Bain wrote. “It arguably turns women into the other, the non-standard case. While a ‘suit’ connotes power and authority, a ‘pantsuit’ suggests a lesser form that pretends to being a suit, leading to an understandable dislike.’’

Carrie Lukas, managing director of the Independent Women’s Forum, has a problem with calling all things Clinton off-limits. “The mainstream media and left is pushing the idea that all criticism of Hillary Clinton boils down to sexism,’’ she wrote me in an email. “Voters — but particularly women voters — aren’t supposed to linger on issues of ethics or policy agenda, but just to accept that it’s time for a woman and, therefore, all good people will vote for Mrs. Clinton.

“Frankly, it’s rather sexist.”

It gets worse.

“Yes, it’s Sexist to Speculate About Hillary Clinton’s Health,’’ Glamour magazine declared on Aug. 17.

“’Doesn’t she look tired?’ has always been code for ‘This woman is weak,’ and now Trump supporters are using it to attack Hillary Clinton’s health,’’ Cady Drell wrote in the publication aimed at women.

Still, concerns about Clinton’s physical soundness have abounded, even among people who oppose her Republican rival. In December 2012, while serving as secretary of state, she fainted — State Department officials blamed dehydration from fighting a stomach virus for her collapse. She hit her head and suffered a concussion, pushing back for more than a month her testifying before Congress about the terrorist attacks in Benghazi, Libya.

As a result of the fall, she was hospitalized in January 2013 for a blood clot located in a vein behind her right ear, which her personal doctor maintains was successfully dissolved with blood thinners. Her doc says she’s physically fit to be prez. As far as her cheerleaders are concerned, it’s case closed.

Clinton turns 69 in October. If elected, she’d be the second-oldest first-term president in history, after Ronald Reagan. Trump, who turned 70 in June, would be the oldest. I hardly think questions about either candidate’s health should be off the table.

Nor have I heard The Donald complain that all the ragging he endures over his crazy corn-colored hairdo amounts to reverse sexism.

If this country is to elect a Madam President, it’s time every one of us grew a pair.

Homeless remedy is inn-sane

A posh New York City hotel whose rooms typically rent for $200 to $300 a night is being used to house at least 40 homeless people.

Down-on-their-luck women and children are being watched by a security guard posted on a floor on which they live in The Excelsior hotel on Manhattan’s Upper West Side, paying customers complained on Yelp and Trip Advisor.

A mom and her two daughters were stabbed to death at a Staten Island hotel used as a temporary shelter in February, allegedly by the woman’s boyfriend. The good news is that homeless folks at The Excelsior have some protection from those with ill intent.

The bad news is that area residents and visitors are upset that the nabe has been made more vulnerable to violence.

Suitable, well-guarded housing, not luxury digs, is the answer to homelessness.

A King and his ‘staying’ queen

Maybe 40 isn’t the new 20 after all. How about 56?

Veteran broadcaster Larry King’s wife, Shawn King, 56, allegedly has been carrying on a yearlong affair with Richard Greene, a public-speaking guru whose website boasts that his clients have included Princess Diana, Naomi Campbell and Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, among others, a source close to the Kings told Page Six’s Oli Coleman.

Larry King, 82, is said to be “heartbroken,’’ “embarrassed and furious’’ over the revelations of alleged faithlessness by his wife of 19 years.

Lawyers representing Shawn and Larry, as well as a rep for Greene, called the story of an affair “inaccurate.’’ Maybe the couple will give their August-December union another whirl?

I wish I believed in love that much.

Going to the dogs

This should give two-legged politicians pause. Or paws.

Duke, a dog, was re-elected mayor of the village of Cormorant, Minn., this past weekend for his third consecutive one-year term. The 9-year-old Great Pyrenees is among animals elected mayors of municipalities around the United States, including two other dogs, a cat and a beer-drinking goat named Clay Henry III. This nation’s voters should consider electing a two-toed sloth as president in 2016.