-- When he head-butted Miller, and then Bellamy just kind of shook his head like, “oh Dave.” -- His abs. -- That time he stabbed Finn, and then the two of them became best friends and had weekly dates where they played cards and read each other’s poetry. -- His abs. -- That time he fell in love with Octavia and they built a legitimately touching and deep relationship based on mutual respect that bridged two worlds and transcended the prejudice and hate that was directed at them and oh my God I can’t do this. LINCOLN! Don’t leave us! -- His abs.

SOME STUFF:

Firstly, a word of advice:Don’t even try to google “Web MD popped heart, leaky eyeballs, exploded brain and shattered soul”, because all it will tell you is to drink tea and call your mom, or maybe go to a morgue because you might actually be a dead zombie.YOU GUYS. The 100 is back, and with it ALL OF OUR EMOTIONS. That was nuts, right? I mean that was absolute madness. Just bananas. I don’t even know how I feel, except for ALL OF IT. You know? I’m feeling all the feelings.Stealing Fire swung for the fences, and I’ll be a pickled goose if it didn’t knock it out of the park. Someone send their annoying little brother to go fetch the ball, because it is going to take a long time to find it. I think it may even be in a dog’s foaming mouth or something, and we’ll have to build contraptions to try and get it back, and sleep in a treehouse and make s'mores. THAT’S how lost that ball is, because this episode destroyed it. (You’re killing me, Smalls!)We could focus on the very last moments, wherein we lost our dear, precious Dave… *ahem* Lincoln. That was hella sad. Like, very, very sad and upsetting. But focusing on only that would be a mistake on our parts, because the rest of the episode held so much! Namely, a certain SMOOCH THAT WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR (calm down, Toni). Also, some mass murder and sexy bath times, Beautiful Creepster quips, and a whole lotta B-Team heroics. Harper! Miller! Monty! Brian! I love you all, you beautiful, brave, second-string heroes.Okay. Are you guys emotionally prepared to photo recap this beast? Because I am NOT, but I will anyway.The episode opened with our beloved Beautiful Creepster chillin’ with Clarke.Titus barged in and asked them kindly to leave, but Clarke was acting like a sorority girl who had one too many Rev coolers, and did NOT want to go home yet.Aiden seemed willing to let Clarke mix up those jello shots, but then another party guest busted in.Ontari basically pinky-swore that if she won the thumb wrestling competition that makes her a commander, she’s going to straight-up murder Clarke and all her pals. Now THAT’S a party foul!Back at Ark camp, Kane and Lincoln were sharing a beautiful moment where Kane was all, “you’re very dreamy,” and Lincoln was like, “I’M dreamy? Look who’s talking!” And then they gave each other this look:Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!!Pike’s Stupid Face barged in and sentenced everyone to death, but then changed his mind and just decided to execute the best looking dudes. SOMEONE sounds jealous, ammiright??Yes, Sinclair, you are! Man, he was only in this episode for a moment, but I am still digging Sinclair very much. Very much, you guys.Bellamy and Monty rocked back up to the heroes table and were all, “yo dudes, what’s the plan?” It did not go over as well as they assumed it would.Miller and Harper did NOT trust those boys, and fair enough! They did, however, pass on his message to Octavia, who met him by Season One’s set.She knocked that boy out! Again, fair enough!Meanwhile, Clarke was still refusing to leave the party.Titus explained what we all knew, that if Ontari won the conclave, shit was going to get real for Skikru. Then, almost immediately, shit got real.Ontari didn’t wait for the conclave. She murdered those adorable little child-warriors in their sleep! Now THAT is a party foul!Meanwhile, in a cave:Oh Bellamy.Miller confronted Brian about planting the bug, and they had a very heart-wrenching scene that made me very afraid for their relationship, and their tight t-shirts.Speaking of scenes that made my heart hurt / explode:I can’t even snark at this! I have zero snark in my body for this scene. I’m snark-less. Kane asked Abby not to try and save him, and Abby was all, “sure, pal.”You guys, is Harper the coolest? I think so! Anyway, then shit started happening.Things were going very well for our Adventure Squad 2.0 (which included a converted Brian!), but then Harper informed them that for some reason all the guards decided to make camp in the exact hallway they needed to get through.Monty saved the day! Within our most adorable Adventure Squad member still beats the heart of a true hero! They all made it to the Tetris-style escape hatch, but Abby needed to stay behind and hero some more.Oh that? That’s the sound of hearts exploding across the land. Thank you, The 100, for what you have given us this day.Of course, just like a benevolent and wrathful ice cream store owner, this show giveth, and taketh away.Who needs laws, right? Pike’s Stupid Face has been so dead-set on following the laws set out by the Ark Boy Scouts or whatever, that he sentenced Kane and the others to death using that logic. But what logic is he following now? Prisoners of war are a fine substitute for traitors? How is he justifying threatening the lives of a group of people in place of a different group of people? I find it hard to believe the Sky People would have stood for that, which leads me to believe that Pike’s days as a leader are numbered. *crosses fingers*Octavia was all jazzed to stay and fight with him, but then he got her with her own snooze trick!Roan walked Clarke and Murphy to the front door and was all, “see ya, wouldn’t want to be ya”, but Clarke snuck her way back inside because she had left some beer in the fridge, and she’ll be damned if it gets drunk by someone from Kappa Nu.Titus and Clarke brainstormed another option for Commander, and it was the girl who fled Lexa’s conclave. Yay! Now Clarke can take the Matrix Bug to HER, and incite a coo. What a mischievous little scamp.BAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHA I love this! Leave it to the Beautiful Creepster to be involved in the weirdest, most uncomfortable love triangle anyone can imagine. Emori is still around, right? Please don’t take my ninja turtle Goddess away from me!Anyway, then Titus came and told them that he gave Clarke a goodie bag that included the flame, and then he dropped the mic.He slit his own throat with Roan’s knife! That was a baller move. Now not only does the new Ice Queen not have the Matrix Bug, but she doesn’t have anyone who can perform the ritual. What a predicament! Of course, as she pointed out, no one knows any of this, so she could probably get away with being the Commander for a while. She sounded the 3 piece jazz band to tell everyone there’s a new big shot in town, and Indra heard it.No! Indra come back! Ugh, we better see her again soon.And then the episode ended, and nothing else happened. So. What did you guys think? Pretty fun, right? Lots of kisses, nothing particularly upsetting. Just a good, fun romp with our Adventure Squad.*clears throat* Ummmm… what are you guys doing this weekend? Anything fun?OKAY FINE.Marie Avgeropoulos deserves all the high fives. I was waiting for the gut-crushing, air piercing cry when Lincoln died, but then THIS HAPPENED:Octavia is going to rip Pike apart with her bare hands and I CANNOT WAIT.I know a lot of your are upset, and I am too, but let’s talk for a quick sec about why Lincoln had to die. Not only was there stuff behind the scenes (similar to Alycia Debnam-Carey, Ricky Whittle got another gig), but it was also the right move narratively. I know some fans were disappointed in the way Lexa died, that she didn’t get to have a warrior’s death. I imagine some people will feel this way about Lincoln. I personally don’t for two reasons: 1) Lincoln sacrificing himself for his people feels very right to me based on what we know about him. 2) The fact that two prominent characters were denied a warrior's death so close together in the plot (three if you count Indra, A LOT if you count Indra’s army), showcased the effect the Sky People are having on the planet. Skikru reintroduced guns to the Grounders. They brought the “old” ways back, and now three of our beloved Grounders have paid the price. Skikru is making an impact, and right now it is NOT a positive one. Showing that impact through these deaths feels like the writers making a broader statement about the sense of invasion our “heroes” have brought to the earth.Now, I could go into why I think Lincoln’s death is the right move based on the fact that even though he was a brave warrior, Lincoln never liked fighting. Remember when he was a kid, and he was forced to kill his pet Sky Person? He thought that made him a monster. He had a big ol’ heart, and I don’t think a big dramatic fighting death would have suited him. I COULD talk about how his character had run its course, and his death will now propel Octavia on her own independent journey. I COULD bring all that up, if I wasn’t so sad to see him go.Let us have a moment of silence for our lovely, kind hearted Grounder ambassador. Lincoln has been many things throughout this show. An unknown enemy, a lover, a bro, and a link between the Grounders and the Sky People. Most of all, he was Lincoln’s Abs, and we will be forever thankful to you, Ricky Whittle, for bringing Lincoln to life. Let us remember Lincoln as we first met him, fierce, and mysterious.In memorandum: some favourite Lincoln moments:So, what did you guys think? Are you heart broken? Are you replaying the Kane and Abby kiss to make yourselves feel better? Are you already searching out all details of American Gods so you can keep Ricky Whittle in your lives?Let it out, guys. Let it out.-- I realized during this episode how emotionally attached I am to Harper. I was very worried about her getting caught! When did this emotional attachment form? I couldn’t tell you. But it runs deep.-- The writing this episode was very good. There are too many great lines to name, but a few favs are:“The door we’ve been banging on for twenty four hours is open, let’s use it.”“You need me.” - “For the first time in my life, that’s not true.”“Any last words?” - “Not for you.”“We loved her.” Oh little Aiden.-- It has not escaped my attention that the Beautiful Creepster stuck by Clarke’s side, even though he had several opportunities to leave without her, then when Clarke was presented with the opportunity, she left without him, leaving him stranded in a hostile city, under the supposed care of someone who has already tried to beat him to death once. Just pointing shit out, guys!-- “Does your mom know you’re here, Monty?” AWWWWW SNAP-- Were you guys super pumped to see Roan? Even though he had a shirt on? Even if he was all, “we’re not friends anymore! I’m taking my ball and going home,” to Clarke? I thought those two were best buds forever! Guess not.-- What’s Raven up to? Being perfect somewhere?-- How badly do you want s’mores right now? I’m sorry, but I am also (as the kids say) not sorry.