Recently Elder Bednar spoke in a question answer event and was asked how homosexuals can best live and remain steadfast in the gospel.

Elder Bednar’s answer, while I believe was well-meaning, was also hurtful. I see two main issues at play.

First, I believe that Elder Bednar’s intent was to show that there are no “ites” among us. Whoever we are, whatever our individual traits are, we are all children of loving Heavenly Parents. His answer reflected a desire for a truly Zion society. This is a beautiful concept.

However, we do not live in a Zion society. We live in a society where LGBTQ kids are still sometimes kicked out of their homes, and represent a large portion of homeless youth in Utah. We live in a society where people are very much divided into “ites”. Those who are like *us* and those other people over there, *those* people who are different, who don’t fit in, and who we might even think are kind of weird. I think in many areas things are getting better, but we still have a long ways to go. Given this reality, and the history of treatment towards LGBTQ individuals in the church and in society in general, we can’t now erase all of the hurt and pain we have inflicted by saying there are no homosexual mormons. There are, and the best way to become the Zion society we are seeking is to acknowledge the pain and hurt of the past, look for ways we are currently hurting others so we can do better, and begin to allow some healing to occur.

This leads to my second concern. When Elder Bednar states that we are not defined by our sexuality, he is partly correct. All of us are complex and unique individuals with multiple facets to our person. However, in discussing the proclamation on the family, it’s difficult to ignore that the plan, as recorded in the proclamation leaves little to no space for an LGBTQ individual. In that way it is difficult to say that our sexuality isn’t important. Sexuality may not be important if it doesn’t cause you wonder where you fit in God’s plan. If our sexuality leaves us on the outside of that plan, it takes on a bit more importance.

I think Elder Bednar’s comments were well meant. I don’t believe he was intentionally trying to erase a group of people. I think he was trying to draw that group into a unified body of Christ. But I also think we need to be okay with the body of Christ having hearts and lungs and fingers and toes that are unique and have unique needs and hopes. When we are able to make space for each other in that way, whether we are Elder Bednar or a lesbian from Utah, whether we bleed BYU blue or rainbows, whether we agree with certain policies or not, we will be much closer to becoming a Zion people.