People love to fight over stupid things. Approximately 98 percent of the Internet exists to perpetuate this truth. However, sometimes violent confrontations erupt for reasons that are so bafflingly idiotic, even the Internet is forced to take notice.

5 The Taliban Kidnaps a Man for His Extravagant Mustache

In Pakistan, intense cultural significance is placed on a man's mustache, so we guess it's pretty much like the rest of the world. One man in particular, Malik Afridi, is renowned for his luxurious lip hair -- he spends 30 minutes a day preparing it, with half a can of oil, a room of mirrors, and presumably the Super Mario Bros. 3 issue of Nintendo Power for inspiration.

bbc.co.uk

"No, no, no. Not Wario enough yet; get your shit together, Malik."

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But the Taliban, which has a history of ruining people's fun, recently demanded that everyone in Pakistan ditch mustaches in favor of the angry beards they were more accustomed to. To prove they were serious, the Taliban kidnapped Afridi, holding him and his famous mustache hostage for a month until he agreed to shave. However, Afridi regrew his spectacular face horns right after his release, so the Taliban began sending him death threats, which we assume consisted of envelopes stuffed with clippings of his old mustache. Afridi is now trying to find a safe country for himself and his mustache to emigrate to.