So you finally have a girlfriend!

The grass is greener than it ever was, the flowers smell better, all those one time tacky love songs make sense now. She is pretty as she is smart. Laughs at your jokes. Makes you think how lucky you are to have her. The dates are good and the sex is great.

The world is a beautiful place, until one day you have fifteen missed calls and ten texts from her in thirty minutes. You call her back the moment you can. She says she got worried because you didn’t send her the “reached work” text. You apologize (we know you did it). You find it weird but soon things go back to the way they were.

A few days later she calls you at six in the morning to tell you that she isn’t talking to you cause you didn’t send her a good night text before you slept. You try and reason with her, she insists she is hurt. The fight goes on for the whole day, she calls or texts you every ten minutes. At the end of every conversation she says she wont talk to you ever again. You meet her in the evening and decide you will stand your ground, since you have done nothing wrong. You say she is being unreasonable, she starts crying. You apologize as that’s the only sensible thing to do.

The make up sex is worth it till just before she asks you to tell her ten reasons why you love her. You cant think because you can hear sirens blaring and see red lights flashing with it. Is this normal? How do I know if she is crazy or are all women like this?

If she is one of the characters on our checklist, you know your answer!

1. Jealous Jasmine

This is a very common emotion in the female gender of our species. A little jealousy can be flattering and reaffirm the fact that you are appreciated. But if she throws a fit every time she sees you with the opposite sex and doesn’t “allow” you to talk to your best friend, friend, acquaintance, colleague, distant cousin, and neighbor because they are women. Dude she is crazy!

2. Controlling Camilla

She needs to know where you are and what you are doing at all times. She chooses the clothes you wear, the movies you watch, the food you eat, and the people you hangout with. She keeps a tab on who you call and who calls you. If you cant remember the last time you decided something for yourself, strap on a pair and say it aloud..Dude she is crazy!

3. Attention Anita

When she says she cant live without you, she means not even a moment. Sends you a text, writes on your face-book wall, tweets to you, and if you dont reply even one of these she calls you. If you dont answer her calls, she calls your colleagues, your sister or your mother. She falls sick just so you can take care of her. If you can satiate everything but her hunger for attention you gotta know..Dude she is crazy!

4. Chronicling Cindy

She not only remembers the first date, first touch of hand, first kiss, first movie anniversaries but makes you celebrate them. If she cant stop clicking pictures of you together, posts it immediately, tags you and makes you like it..Dude she is crazy!

5. Physical Pamela

You have been hit upon not just by her but also by her remote, keys, and books. She doesn’t think before punching you around during an argument. She has long sharp nails and is not shy of using them against you..get a tetanus shot before it gets infected cause dude she is crazy!

6. Suicide Smita

She takes “till death do us part” too seriously. Threatens to kill herself at the drop of a hat. Even if she really wouldn’t kill herself and is just using these threats as a ploy to keep you around. Has physically hurt herself just to prove a point. I cant believe you are waiting for us to say this..Dude she is crazy!

7. Emotional Emma

Her temperament is like night and day and you can’t tell the difference between her being happy, mad or sad. One moment, she is full of laughter the next second, she is weeping her eyes out and overcome by misery. Has emotional outbursts in public and leaves you getting dirty looks from onlookers. All you have to do is scream out loud..Dude she is crazy!

Dating one of the above characters can be injurious to your health. Good sex is too big a price to pay for a bad life. So be a man (Mard bann) and do what you need to do!

P.S. Not all women are crazy, this kind is a tiny minority. If you have met more than one of these in your life then either you are supremely unlucky, or just attracted to the wrong kind.