WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Three men alleged to be prominent Russian spies inexplicably gained access to the Oval Office last week and held a high-level meeting there, according to reports.

Eyewitnesses to the meeting said that the three Russian agents spoke at length and shared sensitive intelligence material, at times laughing uproariously.

After approximately an hour, the meeting broke up, with two of the spies leaving the Oval Office and the third remaining behind.

News that agents of the Russian Federation had somehow eluded the Secret Service in order to hold a meeting in the Oval Office sent shock waves through Washington on Monday evening.

“The fact that three well-known Russian agents were able to hold a meeting in the Oval Office suggests that something has seriously broken down,” Harland Dorrinson, a national-security official who served in the Reagan and Bush Administrations, said. “None of these three men should be anywhere near the White House.”

On Capitol Hill, House Speaker Paul Ryan called the meeting of the three Russian spies at the White House “a tempest in a teapot” and “much ado about nothing,” before adding, off-microphone, “I am screwed. I am so screwed.”