POINT: GEORGIA SHOULDN'T BECOME THE NEXT NEBRASKA

It's probably fair to call this a whiff year for Georgia, having already lost to Tennessee, Alabama, and Florida, without even looking that competitive in two of those games. Eight wins feels like the ceiling for the Dawgs, and that would be the second time in three years they've failed to get to double-digit victories in a weak SEC East.

Now consider what the valley looks like at other schools in this division. In Knoxville, it's going 5-7 for three straight seasons and winning four conference games total in that span. In Gainesville, it's 4-8 with home losses to Vanderbilt and Georgia Southern. In one Columbia, it's ranking at the absolute bottom of FBS schools in touchdowns scored and barely ahead of UCF in points per game; in the other, it's South Carolina needing to beat either Florida or Clemson to avoid the first losing season since 2003.

Say all the worst rumors are true, that Jeremy Pruitt is an unmanageable, belligerent asshole who's destroyed whatever team unity Georgia had. Say Brian Schottenheimer's the worst possible hire Richt could have made this offseason. Georgia's still got a shot to win nine games, despite losing their best running back and lacking a reliable option at quarterback. If that's the bottom, maybe figure out how can you raise the ceiling instead of burning down the building.

COUNTERPOINT: THE DAWGS SHOULD HIRE THIS RUNAWAY INFLATABLE PUMPKIN

This runaway pumpkin isn't a nice person. Technically, it's not a person at all, but if it were, it would not sit with your aunt and listen to her talk about her volunteer work with the D.A.R. and smile and pat her on the hand. Runaway Inflatable Pumpkin is a real asshole, rolling over whatever it wants without any shame or regard for cops who might be around. Is he gonna show up at the church bake sale and take pictures? Nope.

But Runaway Inflatable Pumpkin will bust into a meeting Florida coaches are having with a prized recruit, and he'll snap off the side view mirrors on their cars as he leaves. Runaway Inflatable Pumpkin's gonna show up to SEC Media Days and break someone's hip, but that reporter shoulda had his head on a swivel. Runaway Inflatable Pumpkin does not fit in the locker room. Fuck the locker room. Runaway Inflatable Pumpkin stays where the action is: ON THE FIELD. (Unless the wind shifts.)

This isn't hard. Georgia's built a reputation on a punishing, relentless running attack and a suffocating defense. Those are the exact things Runaway Inflatable Pumpkin does best. Get the right staff around him*, give him room to work, and watch opponents freeze in terror when the Bulldogs roll into town. Runaway Inflatable Pumpkin's got what it takes to be a Damn Gourd Dawg.

*You're gonna need a really strong get back coach.