HBACSAPS Foot-And-Brain-Fetish Comp

Getting (at least) somewhat back into character for a children's book for once, however, I would probably have to say something more along the lines of "perhaps it was the fact that none of the hideously fish-patterned socks that Undyne had bought her for her birthday came even close to fitting the sheer size of her drool-inducingly gorgeous feet, making her one of the world's biggest and most boner-inducingly obvious targets for Quentin Tarantinos all over the world" or "perhaps it was just the fact that she had stuffed her already large brain several sizes too big with anime porn and had agonizingly painful headaches every single day as a result."

Whatever the matter was, however, her disgustingly dirty mind or the fact that she had been making most of her recent living off of people literally paying her entire dollars' worth of solid gold per pop just to fraudulently coax her into openly letting them nastily slobber and drool all over her smooth, scaly soles like rabid dogs in the middle of summer and lick and suck her pricelessly dainty and precious little nerd toes like Tootsie Pops (which, of course, was LITERALLY what she referred to them as) in place of her beloved girlfriend Undyne...

"Hmm, let's see here..." Alphys thought curiously to herself as she leaned back in her chair, crossed her legs neatly atop the desk, wiggled her toes at the readers with a seductive eyebrow-raising glare, cracked open a can of beer with one hand and pulled out the cell phone from her labcoat pocket with the other.

"Oh, let me, like, tell you; we are doing, like, absolutely FANTASTIC!" Bratty laughed while her quite meaningfully named girlfriend groveled pathetically beneath her in a simply astonishing display of unwavering servitude to her master and licked her beautiful alligator feet spotlessly clean...or at least as clean as poorly-brushed mouth saliva could make something, that is.

"Hell yeah, sister, you sure got THAT right!" Catty laughed, high-fiving Bratty and snatching the phone out from her hands while Bratty groveled pathetically beneath her and licked her adorable cat feet with her long, moist, smegma-dripping and ever-so-dextrous tongue that gleamed in the light.

"Yeah, but first, we need to, like, redo my makeup and stuff! I think I, like, chipped my TOENAILS or something!" Bratty obnoxiously whined and complained while she and Catty sat down on the floor of the elevator so that the latter could provide pedicure treatment while Alphys and Undyne irritatedly tapped their feet on the ground and waited for the two of them to finish, blissfully unaware all the while of the recent reawakening of their prideful-to-a-fault king.

"Um, Alphys? Could you perhaps help me clean Bratty's feet for a minute or two? With your tongue, preferably?" Catty briefly refrained from licking and slobbering all over Bratty's feet and completely coating them in her absolutely disgusting cat cooties while Bratty pulled out her suddenly loudly ringing phone from the surprisingly tight and firm crevice in between her boobies.

"Oh, like, hey there, dreamboat, how's it going?" Bratty flipped open her cell phone and asked Asgore smarmily, flickering her tongue like a snake while Alphys and Catty licked and sucked her lovely alligator feet down below and got their salivatory (and erectile) juices epically flowing.

"No, Bratty, I meant as in the fact that you're ostensibly planning to overthrow the entire freaking GOVERNMENT system and turn it into a filthy American PRESIDENCY! Oh, and also the fact that I'M currently getting my OWN royal pedicure treatment from my adorably loyal and almost-impossibly-gay servants, so I'm afraid you can just SUCK it! My toes, that is, you dirty cheap whore!" Asgore facepalmed, sighed and laughed wholeheartedly while said servants (Royal Guards 1 and 2, of course) licked his massive, teasingly outstretched feet until they couldn't lick no more.

"Yo, BRO! We should, like, pour vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup all over this guy's feet and give ourselves sugar-coated footjobs with them! Wouldn't that be SWEET, man?" Royal Guard 1 asked Royal Guard 2 excitedly as the two of them moaned and panted with pleasure, making sure (through ridiculously close inspection, in fact) that every last crevice, nook and cranny of Asgore's beautiful feet was spic-and-span.

"Yeah...you know what would be even BETTER, dude? If he, like, stripped himself into the NUDE!" Royal Guard 2 moaned and drooled with delight at the mere thought of something so adorably lewd.

"Already got you covered, boys! Now don't forget to pay your TOLLS!" Asgore sighed embarrassedly, feeling immensely grateful that there was no one else occupying the throne room at the moment as he stripped himself completely naked, summoned ice-cold vanilla frosting and chocolate syrup out of thin air and promptly began pouring them all over his majestic soles.

"Okeh-heh-heh-heh, I thi-hi-hi-hink that's just about enu-hu-hu-huff of THAT pho-ho-ho-hone call for one deh-heh-heh-hay! Oh, NO-HO-HO-HOES!" Bratty laughed and cried hysterically as Alphys and Catty teased all over her precious little feet with their sharp, claw-like fingernails, scritching into her arches, up and down the entire surface area of her soles, up over the balls of her feet and even into the delicately sensitive little gaps in between her scaly little toes.

"Alright, just PLEASE(!) shut up for a second and answer this borderline INSULTINGLY(!) simple question on my behalf: when you opened that big glass door and walked into this joint, did you happen to notice a poster on the front WINDOW(!) that said Dead Meme Storage?" Burgerpants asked his incredibly confused guests inquisitively, grabbing his Marlboro cigarette right off the table with his left foot and lighting it with his other foot as he then proceeded to blow a gigantic puff of smoke right into Bratty's, Catty's and Undyne's faces, causing all three of them to cough and sneeze violently while he just rubbed and lathered peach-scented lotion all over his feet and teasingly wiggled his seductive feline toes at them with delight.

"Oh, I dunno, are you actually Quentin Tarantino in disguise?" Alphys nudged him sharply with her elbow sarcastically bit back at him while he just leaned back in his seat, crossed his legs up over the table and chuckled snarkily to himself while the three girls at the other end of the table began worshipping his lovely masculine feet like the second coming of actual burgers and french fries.

"Alright, anee-hee-hee-hee-way, that's beside the poy-hoy-hoynt! Now let me ask you buncha dirty nasty sluts again; did YOU notice a SIGN on the front of my RESTAURANT that said DEAD MEME STORAGE?" Burgerpants giggled ticklishly from the girls' playful licking of his feet and continued.

"Uh, like, NO?" Bratty and Catty briefly refrained from sucking Burgerpants' delightfully long and slender toes like lollipops and sighed embarrassedly as he forcefully pressed his soles against their faces in a fashion that was both incredibly arousing to them and obscenely rude.

"Well, you wanna know WHY you didn't see that sign?" Burgerpants asked the girls eagerly, tightly pinching Bratty's and Catty's noses in between his big and index toes and causing the two of them to lovingly, nasally, adorably, obnoxiously high-pitchedly moan and squeak.

"Cause it ain't THERE, cause STORING dead MEMES ain't my FUCKING BUSINESS, that's why!" Burgerpants ranted furiously at Bratty and Catty, pointing his middle finger condemningly at the two of them...only to find that the two of them were no longer servicing his gorgeous feet!

"Hey, WHAT'S the big idea here?" Burgerpants growled angrily, suddenly developing an uncomfortably massive boner in his pants as he glanced over to the side of him and saw Bratty and Catty licking and massaging Alphys' equally gorgeous lizard tootsies like there was no tomorrow.

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I break your concentration?" Alphys snarkily bit back at him, sticking out her tongue (which was already dripping with Bratty's and Catty's foot sweat) at him as teasingly as could be as she opened up her labcoat and revealed her VERY uncomfortably attractive body to him, hot-pink Mew Mew Kissy Cutie bikini and panties (and glasses) and all; needless to say, Burgerpants was already panting like a hungry dog and bleeding a pretty good amount from his nose.

"Alright, so...anyway, from the looks of things, I'm seriously starting to think we, as film-makers, could actually very legitimately have the next Uma Thurman on our feet, I mean hands here!" Burgerpants nervously explained, tugging on his collar in helpless terror as Alphys shooed her pathetic, disgusting foot slaves away like the filthy, unwashed little vermin that they were and glared at him in literally THE most soul-piercingly teasing (and quite probably sexually suggestive) fashion imaginable, already knowing for a fact EXACTLY who he was.

"Alright, snap out of it and listen up, pal; what WE as POLITICIANS have currently got on our hands right now is THIS: you see, I'm pretty sure that almost every Underground citizen not living in Snowdin already knows very well how utterly broken and corrupt the nation's current political system really is when you break it down into its individual cogs and gears." Alphys interlocked her hands together in a remarkably clichéd manner and explained, trying desperately this time not to accidentally work up too big of a fuss.

"Therefore, you see, there are certain things that we have the time, patience and energy to deal with right now, as well as some other things that we DON'T; one particularly PERFECT example of the latter category, my friend, would be whatever the hell you've been blabbering on about for the past several MINUTES of our stinking LIVES!" Alphys hypocritically ranted at Burgerpants as she gently, sneakily placed her left foot atop the crotch area of Burgerpants' (well) pants and began sensually stroking it like a fluffy little kitten underneath the table.

"Um, Alphys? May I kindly ask what you've got hidden behind your back right now?" Bratty asked Alphys curiously while the adorably shy girl was busy feigning her innocence in the most deliberately unconvincing fashion imaginable by loudly whistling the climax segment of Bohemian Rhapsody and crossing her arms behind her back as comically suspiciously as she possibly could, all but literally adorning herself with a lustrously glowing, sharply arrow-pointing, blisteringly bright-red "secretly giving her ex-boyfriend a footjob underneath the table" label.

"Oh, nothing!" Alphys shrugged her shoulders and teasingly winked at Bratty and Catty, wiggling her left big toe in flawlessly timed homage to one of Tarantino's most famous movies as Burgerpants moaned and cried loudly with pleasure, leaving a disgustingly gigantic dripping stain in his pants and collapsing unconsciously across his seating row while Alphys cradled him in her lap and gently, lovingly stroked his fluffy little head (no, not THAT head, you disgusting sickos) with feelings of suddenly rudely reawakened infatuation far beyond human measure.

"Look, we have EXCRUCIATINGLY taxing and urgently serious economic and political matters to deal with right now; shut your whore pie-hole right this instant, if you would please kindly confide." Alphys hissed angrily in Undyne's ear, pulling out her mind-reading remote from her pocket and sticking the antenna right up said ear to pick up signals from her brain so that she could prove how utterly immoral and impure the fish lady's current thoughts at the moment really were deep down inside.

"See? You totally want to steal your way up from rags to riches too, don't lie!" Alphys laughed increasingly evilly as she sexily slithered over like an adorable little (venomous, hissing, fork-tongued) weeaboo snake to where Bratty and Catty were sitting so that she could do the exact same thing to them, only to find that both of their minds literally had their own individual, full-fledged Twitter feeds!

"Man, if you think THIS is awkward, wait until you hear THIS!" Alphys cackled mischievously as she forcefully shoved the antenna right up Catty's ear and then (just to prove her point about how amazingly stupid and scatterbrained Bratty and Catty really were) proceeded to slowly but surely extend it the rest of the way through the inside of her head and straight out her other ear.

"Wow, it sure isa real good thing I don't have any eardrums or inner ear structures in the first place, ain't it?" Catty laughed nervously to herself and coughed up a massive hairball from her throat, drumming (get it?) her fingers together as Alphys retracted the antenna from her ears and cleaned off the putrid slimy wax from them with the corner of her lab coat.

"Umm...you do know that that's not even REMOTELY a good thing, right?" Alphys sighed, facepalming herself in disappointment as she inchednover to where Bratty was sitting and shoved the antenna right up her nose.

"Man, if you think THIS is awkward and embarrassing, just wait until I shrink myself to itty-bitty little bug size, crawl in there just like what happens in nearly every single fucking one of this writer's actually good fanfics and spread photographically proven news of this event all over Twitter and Tumblr...or you could just follow through with the plan, you know! Tell me; what'll it be? Public humiliation or silent killing?" Alphys curiously (yet disturbingly threateningly) asked her friends with a frighteningly domineering look in her eyes, unbearably and undeniably eager to make a quick shilling.

"Our minds have been expanded." Bratty, Catty and Undyne all said robotically as Alphys used the alternative function of her mind-reading device to pull some very important strings deep within their brains and turn them into greedy, sadistic, sociopathic killer rabbits just like her; sure enough, her diabolical plan was already falling perfectly into place and going exactly as writ!

"Come, my delightful little puppets; we have an AWFUL lot of work to do up in New Home City! Don't we, Miss Alphys?" Alphys laughed coldly and spitefully, talking to (and manipulating) a crudely made sock puppet of herself with one hand and sticking the antenna of her mind-reading device right up the still-deeply unconscious, recently tranquilizer-darted Burgerpants' ear with the other so that she could slyly fish the secret password to his ATM account right out of his head before he could even begin to realize how much crap was already going amiss.

"HA, GOTCHA!" Nice Cream Guy laughed as he scooped the luckily distracted Alphys right up into his arms like a cuddly little baby doll, pulled out his own mind-reading device (which, surely enough, was actually not Alphys' invention after all, but rather a top-secret blueprint that she had cheaply stolen and copied directly from the Underground government's even more top-secret databanks) from his pants pocket and forcefully shoved its antenna right up Alphys' left nasal orifice.

Now, a reader with absolutely no common knowledge of movie and television show (especially cartoon) clichés would probably naturally assume that at this precise moment, Alphys was simply nothing short of doomed; however, what with Alphys and her brain being so astonishingly intelligent and slick, she thought up a lie, and she thought it up quick!

In fact, by deliberately closing off every single one of her neural gateways (or at least the ones that led to what Nice Cream Guy was looking for) and making sure to specifically leave only the lying one open (seriously, please don't think too hard about that), Alphys was somehow able to narrowly escape being caught by the authorities and sent straight to the Supreme Court, followed by potential months if not years of dreadful imprisonment with nothing even remotely meaningful or satisfying to do except walk about drawing tally marks on the cold, clammy brick walls and hopelessly moping.

"I inherited it from previous royal scientist Gaster and all of his magnificently fantastical inventions of science and technology, wouldn't you know?" Alphys (and her thoughts) told him with an alarming air of confidence most uncharacteristically bold.

"Your FEET were washed three months ago with WARM expired milk, BRAT N' CAAAAA-AT!" Xander retched yet again in profound revulsion as Bratty and Catty literally burned (thankfully only temporary) footprint-shaped depressions into the New Home City concrete with every single barefoot step that they took due to their foot sweat becoming so vomit-inducingly nasty and vile that it had actually somehow managed to gain corrosively acidic properties...and yet somehow, people far and wide were still more than willing to pay money just to lick their almost-indescribably bacteria-drenched, flesh-meltingly sour and repulsive tootsies.

(Luckily, however, most of THOSE sick fucks died of agonizingly massive stomach ulcers and chronic throat cancer shortly thereafter and took their Deviantart monikers with them in maniacal fits of hellbound laughter.)

"Alphys? Give me the shrink ray, preferably right now." Undyne stared intently at Catty's nice big funnel-shaped ears and flatly commanded Alphys, beckoningly outstretching her right hand toward the poor little lizard dork as she fumbled about in her pockets, pulled out what looked like an incredibly cheesy plastic laser-gun toy straight out of the dark money-grubbing commercial depths of the 1990s and reluctantly handed it to Undyne, already firmly anticipating and knowing very well EXACTLY what she was about to end up having simply no choice but to put herself through...and actually liking the idea of it an awful lot more than one would probably expect from your average (usually) borderline-insanely germaphobic weeaboo.

"Oh, dear...this isn't really what I think it's going to be, is it?" Alphys asked Undyne nervously, trembling with dreadful fear and anxiety as Undyne got out a magical drinking straw from her pocket.

"What's the matter, scaredy-cat? You've got a real big brain, you know...BUT NOW I'M AFRAID IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO SNEAK YOUR WAY INTO AN EVEN BIGGER ONE!" Undyne laughed uproariously as she shrunk Alphys to nearly microscopic size, magically inserted her into the straw, aimed directly for Catty's right ear (in other words, the one with the hoop earring on it) and shot her right out of it like a spitball from a cafeteria kid's mouth...or if you want to be a little less gross, an organically produced bullet from a gun.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Alphys squinted her eyes tightly shut and shrieked at the tops of her ever-loving lungs as she flew through the air at what felt like well over a solid thousand miles per hour, trying desperately not to look down as the entrance funnel of Catty's ear began to come into view. "God, if I don't make it through this, please tell my mother that I love her and she loves me...that we're a happy family..."

"With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you...won't you PLEASE say she loves me too?!" Alphys cried, reluctantly opening up her eyes and gulping loudly in fear as she flew straight into Catty's right ear canal, which of course was almost as filthy as a public restroom loo!

"OOF! OW! D'OH! OUCH! GAH! YICK! EWW! YUCK!" Alphys winced repeatedly in pain and disgust as she ricocheted (like a bouncy ball) numerous times off of the slimy, filthy, fungus-growing, earwax-coated walls of Catty's right ear canal.

"Seven score and four years ago...oh God, Catty got a freaking nasty bug in her ear and couldn't get it out! SOMEBODY HELP ME FOR GOD'S SAKE!" Catty screamed in horror, suddenly feeling Alphys' presence VERY acutely as the audience began to hear the cartoonish noise of pots and pans clanging about in her head while Alphys accidentally flew right past her brain into her other ear and immediately realized at that very moment that she had made a GIGANTIC mistake!

"Oh, FUCK me, I somehow forgot that it was LITERALLY in one ear and out the other with these two!" Alphys screamed for dear life as the light at the beginning of Catty's left ear tunnel came prominently into view.

"OUT, OUT! DAMNED STUPID ANNOYING LITTLE INSECT!" Catty yelled angrily, tilting her head downward and sideways so that her right ear was directly facing the ground and unknowingly saving Alphys' sad and miserable life in the process.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA!" Alphys screamed in terror, her adrenaline kicking into overdrive as she fell all the way back down through Catty's left and right ears (in that order, naturally) and desperately clung onto her hoop earring for dear life, gloriously successfully taking an opportunity that generally only came once in perhaps MAYBE a hundred years.

"Ah, good riddance!" Catty laughed as she saw the huge glob of wax that she had just pounded out from her ears lying unassumingly on the ground, immediately assumed that it had the bug in it and stomped on it with her bare unwashed foot, much to the chagrin (and absolute disgust) of the audience.

"Well, here goes NOTHING..." Alphys sighed hopelessly to herself as she swung back and forth from Catty's earring and released her grip on it at just the right time, sending herself plummeting straight back down into Catty's cavernous, gaping ear at terminal velocity!

"Man, if I could literally DIE of embarrassment and disgust right now, I probably would..." Alphys sighed internally as she tumbled straight down the massive fleshy slope of Catty's right ear canal like a big yellow snowball, getting completely covered from head to toe with gooey, sticky, hairy, smelly wax along the way as she desperately struggled not to throw up, trying as hard as she possibly could.

"Alright, kitty-cat, I'd say it's about HIGH TIME that someone else stepped in and took control for once! Sure hope you don't mind the physical and emotional PAIN!" Alphys chuckled grimly as she dizzily got back up onto her feet and gazed blankly with her lower jaw firmly agape in a mixture of awe-inspiring wonderment and profound confusion at Catty's impossibly large brain.

"And you see, in order for us to properly move forward as a country, we need to find a way to wall ourselves off from terrorists and people that don't agree with my ideas so that we no longer have to deal with them anymore...actually, wait a second, hold that thought, I've got some GOLD-DIGGING to do!" Catty embarrassedly addressed the audience as she rudely shoved her finger deep into her nose (right in front of a freaking New-York-City-sized public audience, no less) and magically extended it all the way into her brain room!

"OH NO, YOU DON'T! Not THIS time, stupid freaking anime tentacles!" Alphys laughed snidely as she deftly sidestepped out of the way of Catty's finger right in the nick(elodeon) of time, causing Catty to accidentally shove her finger right into her frontal lobe and effectively paralyze herself, giving Alphys ample time to climb up onto her arm and go straight for the kill.

"Man, talk about making something go as utterly VIRAL as Game Theory giving Undertale to the freaking Pope!" Alphys snickered triumphantly as she carefully sprinted her way up Catty's outstretched index finger and used her razor-sharp claws to tunnel straight into the poor kitten's extremely sensitive frontal lobe.

"My opponent is a liar and a fraud and cannot be- OH, DEAR GOD, THE PAIN! THE UNBEARABLY AGONIZING PAIN! IT HURTS! IT HURTS! IT HURRRRRRTS!" Catty screamed in dreadfully agonizing internal pain, regaining the ability of movement just in time to kneel down on the floor and clutch her head in helpless agony as waterfalls of pain-induced tears ran down her painfully wincing face.

(Luckily, however, her brain tissue magically regenerated itself immediately afterward, so it wasn't really that big of a problem...at least not YET, that is. Just wait until you read the following series of words.)

"Oh my, what an awfully nice and spacious BRAIN you've got here, even though it's collected what would normally be considered somewhere around twenty years' worth of dust!" Alphys plopped her butt right down on the strongly office-chair-resembling pilot seat of Catty's central control supercomputer, violently sneezing all over the dashboard and whipping out her mind-reading device to find out what the password for logging into the computer itself was.

"Wow, she's even more fucking birdbrained than I thought..." Alphys thought disappointedly to herself, shaking her head in dismay as she literally typed out the phrase LIKEPASSWORDANDSTUFF onto the password screen in all-caps and hit the Enter key, surprisingly not for naught.

"HOO, boy, so many wonderful options and opportunities scattered right in front of me..." Alphys drooled at the mouth, her S&M boner(s) intensifying greatly. "Ooh, what does THIS button do, I wonder?!" she spastically squealed in a fit of pure childlike joy and curiousity as she violently slammed her finger onto one of Catty's numerous quick-command buttons with the force of a vicious bolt of thunder.

"Alright, stay calm, audience, PLEASE don't flip out on me! Trust me, EVERYTHING'S going to be perfectly al- MY OPPONENT IS A LIAR AND A FRAUD AND HAS UGLY HAIR AND CANNOT BE TRUSTED." Catty explained robotically, her eyes suddenly changing from dots into dizzily rotating swirls.

"Hey, at least I'm actually putting, like, REAL CONSCIOUS EFFORT into my political goal of making, like, everyone in the entire freaking nation absolutely DESPISE me and junk!" Bratty snapped right back at Catty like the bratty, snapping crocodile she always was...the little punk.

"Ooh, how about THIS one?! Or THIS one?! Or perhaps even THIS one?!" Alphys laughed dementedly as she began wildly pushing several randomly selected ones of Catty's buttons all at once without any rhyme or reason whatsoever; if it wasn't already completely obvious at this point, let me just say right now that she was clearly having WAY too much freaking fun.

"In honor of the blessed goodwill of all of America's people, I as potential future President of the United Underground States assure you all that from this point onward, Bratty is a putrid, festering, skanky, reprehensibly manipulative and dishonest little bitch with farty pants!" Catty growled angrily at Bratty, clenching her teeth tightly and foaming rabidly at the mouth.

"Oh, yeah? Well, in the name of all that is proud and respectable utilitarian citizen justice and equality, YOU'RE a fucking fat, rotten, stinky little poopy-headed Jew-whore that treats her country as if she had a goddamned SWASTIKA lodged in her FRONTAL LOBE, not to mention her RUMP!" Bratty hatefully snapped back at her, jumping up and down like a five-year-old kid...or in more annoyingly popular and overused terms, a SEVENTY-five-year-old Donald Trump.

"Oh, YEAH?! Well YOU'RE a scrawny, ridiculously shallow, downright fucking psychopathic little goddamned child in a full-grown woman's body that apparently, evidently can't even be BOTHERED to grow a fucking PAIR! You're a freaking electoral fungus with cotton-candy hair! NOW GET THE FUCK OVER HERE BEFORE YOUR ROTTEN-ASS INFLUENCE GETS TO THIS STINKING COUNTRY, YOU GODDAMNED TAX-INCREASING, EGOMANIACAL, BIGOTED WHORE!" Catty roared ferociously, pouncing right onto Bratty and tackling her onto the floor.

"Sister, let me tell you something RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW; the absolute LAST thing that America, I mean the Underground, needs right now is a fucking vote-manipulating, rule-breaking, truth-exaggerating, boyfriend-cheating, lard-assed BIMBO like yourself!" Bratty ranted angrily at Catty as the two of them violently clawed, scratched and punched each other in their faces while rolling furiously back and forth.

"You know, I actually COULD very easily state the exact same things about YOU, minus the whole LARD-ASS part!" Catty jeered menacingly at Bratty, poking her right in the eyes with her fingers and doing it so incredibly hard that it actually caused fountains of blood to gush from both of them in what could only be adequately described as a work of modern hemophilic art.

"OH MY GOD, MY FUCKING EYES! YOU GODDAMNED BITCH, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?! HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY DO THIS TO YOUR OWN FUCKING COUNTRY'S BEAUTIFUL EYESIGHT?!" Bratty cried and screamed in agony, covering her eyes with her hands and whimpering in pain as Catty pinned her face-up and stationary onto the floor while she desperately struggled to even remember her left and right.

"Man, ain't this whole candidacy just an absolute CAT-astrophe?" Alphys joked sassily and snarkily, leaning back in her chair, planting her feet on the dashboard of Catty's central control system, holding (and twirling) her speech-control microphone like a glass of wine and glaring sensually at the audience in a way that simply could not be done proper justice through artistic means as primitive and archaic as text. "Come on, take a WILD guess what's going to happen next!"

"Well, what do you know? Looks like I really have going to have to literally slip in under the country's NOSE after all, just like what supposedly happened a few timelines ago between Alphys and a certain psychotic FLOWER!" Undyne laughed, gagging a little from the mere thought of it as she shrunk herself to (again) nearly microscopic size with the shrink ray and charged straight toward Bratty at what felt like a thousand-and-a-half solid miles per hour.

"YOU! WON'T! WIN! THIS ELECTION! IN A MILLION FUCKING YEARS, ASSHOLE!" Catty roared ferociously at Bratty, punching her in the face left and right until blood was splattered all over her feline, ring-bearing knuckles.

"Hey, I'm freaking Keemstar; let's go INTO THE NOOOOOSE!" Undyne laughed triumphantly as she climbed up onto Bratty's beaten, battered, (makeup) bleeding face and dived right into her left nostril in a graceful dolphin pose!

"Oh god, it's another one of those, like, fucking brainwashing bugs and this time I can literally feel it, like, crawling right up my goddamned nose and stuff! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME BEFORE I GO COMPLETELY, LIKE, FUCKING INSANE AND STUFF?!" Bratty cried and screamed in horror, collapsing face-down and completely flat onto the floor as Catty mock-sympathetically let go of her, wrapped her right arm around her long and slender legs and began tickling her dainty little soles with the left while Undyne followed Alphys' nightmarishly sadistic example and used her razor-sharp claws to tunnel her way right through Bratty's frontal lobe and into her completely defenseless brain, making sure to be tear-jerkingly rough.

"GWAHAHAHAUUGGGHHH! GODDA-HA-HA-HAMNIT, I FUCKING GIVE UP, OKAY-HAY-HAY? I REALLY DON'T WANNA BE PREH-HEH-HEH-SIDENT ANYMO-HO-HO-HORE, I JUST WANT THIS ABSOLUTE TORMENT TO STAH-HAH-HAH-HAHP ONCE AND FOR AWW-HAW-HAW-HAWL! IS THAT REALLY TOO MUCH TO AH-HA-HA-HASK, GUY-HY-HY-HUYS?" Bratty screamed and cried in a fit of unbelievably agonizing pain and ticklishness as Catty began licking her extremely sensitive feet like a dog while Undyne's claws shredded her central nerve endings into razor-sharply stinging shreds; honestly, however, she kind of deserved it after her entire candidacy of mostly nothing but pure, unadulterated, un-adult-worthy hatred and lies.

"Undergroundians watching this right now, I beg you: run for your lives! GET THE FUCK OUT HERE BEFORE THIS GETS ANY WORSE- my, MY, you fat little SLUT that's been utterly RUINING our country's bodily image for the past goddamned YEAR now; what incredibly big BREASTS you possess!" Bratty got up onto her feet and desperately attempted to warn the audience before she suddenly went all swirly-eyed and began creepily advancing toward Catty with overwhelmingly strong implications of overwhelmingly obvious intentions of lesbian incest.

"BACK THE HELL OFF, MA'AM!" Catty sneered lividly at Bratty, threateningly brandishing a toothbrush that she had presumably literally pulled right out of her ass (pockets). "DON'T MAKE ME USE THIS AS A SYMBOLIC REPRESENTATION OF WHAT THE VAST MAJORITY OF KIDS IN AMERICA, I MEAN THE UNDERGROUND, NEED TO FREAKING DO MORE OFTEN, YOU FUCKING RONALD MCDONALD TRAMP!"

"You dare challenge the omnipotent, all-powerful wrath of the Underground's most powerful and respectable ruler in all of recorded history? Well then, I suppose I shall inevitably have to freaking KILL, I mean RAPE you to death, Catty!" Bratty hissed like a big black snake at Catty, creeping seductively towards her like a Michael Jackson zombie.

"YOU! FORCED ME TO USE IT!" Catty yelled furiously, (publicly) pulling her legwear down, thrusting her toothbrush forcefully into her vagina and vigorously brushing the grating, irritating sand out of it.

"Goddamnit, Catty, you've been violently, mercilessly tearing this formerly proud and respected nation's entire government, economic and military structures apart from the inside out for considerably MORE than long enough! NOW DIE, MOTHERFUCKER, BEFORE I PERSONALLY SYMPHONIZE YOU WITH THE FUCKING NIGHT!" Bratty wiped the blood off of her face with her tattered sleeve and roared furiously at Catty, grabbing the east-side Underground flag off of the presidential speaking stage and preparing to swing it with all of her rage-induced might.

"I don't even know what the hell that fucking phrase is supposed to mean, but what I do know is that the only reason you even got approved into this godforsaken election in the FIRST fucking place is because I, I mean Alphys, had a metric shit-ton of fucking FRAUDULENTLY ACQUIRED money and was dealing with moderators that were more than likely mentally UNSOUND!" Catty spat disgustedly as she reflexively ducked underneath Bratty's devastating horizontal swing, grabbing the stage's west-side Underground flag for herself as half of the entire star-spangled backdrop of the stage shattered into pieces and collasped onto the ground.

"Again, I could very easily say the exact same thing about YOU, you goddamned racist, man-hating, holier-than-thou son of a bitch's pulsating, bloated, festering, sweaty, pus-filled, malformed CUNT!" Bratty yelled infuriatedly at Catty as she lifted her flagpole behind her back and readied herself to bring it thunderously crashing down on top of the lard-assed little runt.

"Oh yeah, YOU sure are one to fucking talk, Little Miss Special Fucking Snowflake That Gets To Have All Of The Goddamned Media Coverage To Herself Because She's A Goddamned Pestilent, Rotten, Impudent, Insolent, Bratty Piece Of FUCKING TRASH!" Catty growled and roared angrily as she lunged forward onto the east side of the stage and sidestepped Bratty's earth-shaking, west-side-of-the-stage-shattering vertical smash.

"You won't be able to fucking talk shit anymore once I've shattered your fucking JAW into smithereens, now WILL you, jerkwad?!" Catty continued yelled incessantly at Bratty as she spun around counterclockwise and delivered a massive horizontal smash to the crocodile's face, knocking out five (yes, FIVE) of her teeth, causing her to drop her flagpole (which then fell onto the east side of the stage and shattered IT into miniscule pieces as well) and sending her careening straight into the loudly cheering audience, who then proceeded to...AHEM...drain their lizards all over her dizzied, nearly unconscious, lying-flat-and-face-up-on-the-ground bod.

"Oh, dearie me, such utterly RUDE and naughty behavior! Very unbecoming of our so-called 'proud and respectable citizens' if I do say so myself, wouldn't you boys agree?" Alphys put her left hand up onto her mouth, used Catty's central manual joystick to walk her over to where Bratty was laying with her right, and giggled embarrassedly as she watched the hilariously degrading spectacle happen onscreen.

"Damnit, I STILL can't beat that fucking woman in an argument, and I actually AM a woman myself, and I find this incredibly fucking offensive, brain, WOULD YOU PLEASE FUCKING STOP IT ALREADY?!" Undyne moaned and groaned in frustration, folding her arms over her chest and frowning irritatedly as Bratty's neural feeding pipe showered her with hot, smelly synthetic piss substance, already thoroughly convincing her that this game had an even crazier fucking fandom than Five Nights At Freddy's.

"THIS is for being a total freaking assoholic cunt-nugget all goddamned year, you fucking obstinate, blithering, comically incompetent media-attention whore!" Catty laughed triumphantly as she grabbed Bratty by the tail and began rapidly swinging her around and around in circles in a fashion that totally did not look overwhelmingly familiar to anyone who had played Super Mario 64.

"And THIS is for shamelessly ripping off the absolute worst American president of all time, you sick cheeky fuck!" Catty laughed snarkily as she finally let go of the poor alligator's tail (oh, I'm sorry, have I been jokingly calling her a crocodile? There's really not much of a difference, you know) and hurled her straight into the east side of the presidential stage backdrop, busting a huge alligator-shaped hole right through it as Catty poured gasoline onto what little was left of the once-glorious-and-grandiose presidential stage and set the whole damned pile on fire, proving once and for all that THIS country was officially shit out of luck.

"Do...do you seriously STILL expect me to fucking continue talking right out of my stupid shitty ass about how 'the fate of the entire nation now rests upon one single person' and various other presidential clichés that neither of us even understand the true fucking significance of?" Bratty exhaustedly asked Catty, coughing up blood and writhing in agony as Catty dragged her (by the tail) right up in front of the speechless, jaw-agape, utterly disbelieving audience and gently yet forcefully removed every single article of clothing that the two of them were wearing with love.

"No no no, Miss Bratty, I expect you to CRY as you suddenly realize that all this time, the only goddamned thing that your freaking stupid good-for-nothing JOKE of a campaign was EVER really good for in the first place was to prove how much of a goddamned shallow, putrid ASSHOLE you are...just the type of shallow, putrid asshole that my dick needs inserting into, so I strongly suggest that you COMPLY...that is, unless you want to fucking DIE!" Catty teasingly whispered and angrily hissed into Bratty's ear in a manner most seductively deft, playing faux-lovingly with her half-real, half-fake hair as she reached down her fluffy, sexily curved feline body and grabbed her already rapidly hardening inbred cock with her right hand and teased over her furry bellybutton with her left.

"OH, JESUS CHRIST, I CAN EXPLAIN, I CAN EXPLAIN!" Alphys screamed in a fit of panic, hastily removing her right hand from her frontally bulging underwear, pulling her labcoat and underwear back down (and up) over her crotch and covering it humiliatedly as she intently looked down at the floor of Catty's brain while Undyne almost-as-intently did the same with Bratty's considerably smaller and less wrinkly brain.

Needless to say, what was currently happening to Bratty and Catty during their electoral inauguration speech due to a certain pair of ludicrously sassy stowaways fucking about in their brains was easily THE most embarrassing thing (more like SERIES of horrifically unfortunate and humiliating things, actually) to ever happen to ANYONE living in the Underground as a whole...and even more needless to say, Alphys and Undyne were absolutely adoring every single miniscule second of it, right down to the...oh, PLEASE tell me this is a typo...BRAINFUCKING.

"Man, and these fucking pussywillows thought that the stupid Motherly Fuckery fanfic's occurrence of this was fucked-up!" Alphys laughed nervously, swallowing what little pride she had left and setting Catty's internal brain-cam to PUBLICLY BROADCAST ON MOBILE DEVICES as she eagerly (yet understandably reluctantly) stripped her clothes right off, used (definitely) one of Catty's weirder button-commanded special features to form some of the poor girl's brain matter into a living, breathing, intestinal-knot-shaped synthetic copy of Undyne while Undyne did the exact same with Bratty's brain to create another brain copy of Alphys.

Basically, the idea was that whatever the brain-copied person did, the copy would imitate; coupled with the automatic body-movement-and-voice-recognition systems that had luckily been installed into Bratty's and Catty's brains at birth, this effectively meant that as long as Alphys and Undyne were fucking each other, their poor man's alternatives would do the exact same.

"Well, I guess I have no choice...looks like I'm gonna have to leave a REAL nasty surprise in this poor girl's noggin, aren't I?" Alphys sighed, glaring and winking seductively at the audience...most of which were presumably either extremely lesbian girls or delightfully horny guys.

"Well, you know what they say; when the penis gets going, the sperm get TOUGH!" Undyne laughed embarrassedly as she reluctantly laid herself face-down atop Alphys' brain copy, causing it to blush and smile awkwardly and adorably while the real thing followed suit as they both proceeded to (make Bratty and Catty) engage in public presidential-election sex most rough.

"Oh, Bratty, you bring SO much wonderful excitement to my life with all of your ludicrous political temper-tantrums and your adorably meaninglessly and needlessly overinflated ego..." Catty moaned and drooled with delight while she and Bratty rolled back and forth on the ground and wetly, sloppily french-kissed each other and licked each other's vaginas, blissfully unaware of the horrifically, vomit-inducingly disgusting things that were currently going on in their brains between the Alphys and Undyne duo.

"What, this is perfectly fucking NORMAL!" Alphys complained as she lovingly retracted her moist, dripping tongue from Catty's brain's Undyne's clone's wrinkly brainy vagina and tried her best to appear formal.

"Oh, Catty, you just make me want to EXPLODE all over this entire city with your adorably deceitful and manipulative personality and your OHH-so-luscious, juicy, fat and wrinkly boobs..." Undyne, I mean Bratty, moaned as she stuck her delightfully long and throbbingly erect penis into Catty's cleavage while Catty lovingly did the exact same to her without even utilizing any lube.

"Umm...God or whatever stupid lazy-ass entity is up there watching me, I'm REALLY freaking sorry that you have to see this, but I sincerely promise you that it is absolutely NOTHING to be disgusted and ashamed of!" Undyne whispered embarrassedly as she rigorously thrusted her delightfully long and throbbingly erect penis into the wrinkly brainy gap in-between Bratty's brain's Alphys' clone's wrinkly brainy thinkly boobs, as if what had just recently happened between Bratty and Catty in the previous chapter wasn't already bleach-drinking-suicide-inducing enough.

"Oh, Bratty..whenever I suck your beautiful schlong, I always imagine it ejaculating the wonderful seed of world peace into my eagerly awaiting mouth so that I can then violently shit it out all over the planet and create an everlasting new era of blissful non-combatant harmony between nations...man, is that fucking crazy or WHAT?" Catty moaned and laughed as she and Bratty adorably curled up together into 69 position and publicly sucked each other's dongs like mangy untamed mutts.

"I have literally no idea what in the actual flying godmother of FUCK I'm doing right now, but something deep within me tells me I'm REALLY feeling it!" Alphys moaned with orgasmically delightful pleasure as she succulently sucked on Catty's brain's Undyne's clone's wrinkly brainy thinkly veiny penis while CBUC lovingly and supportingly did the exact same thing to her own equally wrinkly brainy thinkly veiny penis.

"And now for the defining moment of our candidacies to begin, in which the strong and determined Republican shepherds the weak and cowardly Democrat through the valley of patriotic justice...or wait, is it actually the OTHER way around?" Bratty laughed as she and Catty began violently thrusting their rock-hard, still-throbbing erections into each other's glory holes, with moaning (and blushing) and screaming symbolic utterances of orgasmic pleasure abound.

"Yeah, fuck me right there, right in my MONKEY hole! OOO OOO AHH AHH! Yeah, I'm a MONKEY all right!" Alphys began yelling at the top of her snot-congested, shit-eating lungs as CBUC began virulently expanding her wrinkly, brainy, thinkly, veiny, fleshy dong into her adorably tight, dainty and ladylike little butthole and vagina, effectively fucking her like an actual rented donkey on bestiality date night.

"Yeah, DRINK your founding mother's milk, you big fucking BABY! Drink the river of totally-not-questionable political and religious ideals that, as foretold in Hillary Clinton's legendary prophecy, will eventually lead us to the fountain of youth, good fortune, and most importantly, NO MORE STUPID FUCKING KINGS! Come on, drink it like you (more often than not) drink the fucking MAYONNAISE out of Burgerpants' WIENER whenever and wherever I'm not looking, as well as the salty disgusting SWEAT from his reeking stinking FEETS!" Catty irritatedly teased Bratty as the latter began sucking adorably lovingly on the former's gloriously shapen teats.

"AHH...did I happen to mention yet that this is a parody of a freaking children's Christmas story? A goddamned flipping Dr. SEUSS one, no less?" Alphys threw her back and moaned happily with white-hot, squirting delight as CBUC lovingly, fervently sucked the creamy white milk from her tits with her wrinkly, brainy, thinkly, veiny, fleshy, dinkly mouth; honestly, this scene is actually rather disturbingly easy to masturbate to, I must confess.

"Yeah, come on, babe, let's make our absolute best collaborative effort to officially PACIFY the Underground for good once and for all! Starting with YOU sucking my goddamned CHEST pacifiers!" Bratty laughed hysterically, already beginning to seriously consider plastering said phrase onto a brand-spanking-new assembly line of presidential campaign flyers while Catty eagerly began sucking her tits so dry that they probably couldn't have really gotten much dryer.

"Oh, SWEET MERMAMA, that feels so good! It's just like I already said many times before; we're gonna make the Underground's babies fat and adorable again, one SUCK at a time!" Undyne moaned and chuckled with satisfaction as BBAC adorably meekly sucked on her plump, luscious, smoothly shapen fish titties with her wrinkly, brainy, thinkly, veiny, fleshy, dinkly, pickly mouth.

TEN STRAIGHT MINUTES OF EROTIC BODY-CARESSING AND NAKED TWISTER POSES LATER...

While Alphys and Undyne were busy using the brains of the now-completely-milked-into-unconsciousness Bratty and Catty to make a ginormous blog post on Twitter, Tumblr and /r/WhatTheFanfic on Reddit about...whatever in the actual shit-sucking hell had just happened during Bratty's and Catty's former presidential debate in New Home City DC, the entire audience for...again, whatever the fuck just happened...just stood there utterly speechless on the majestic and beautiful front lawn of the White House, with their eyes burning, their stomachs sick (particularly the mobile users) and their jaws just as widely agape as ever.

"Does...does anyone have a KNIFE that I could borrow? Because that shit right there was absolutely nothing short of SUICIDE-splittingly unfunny, I'm serious." Sans said flatly with a profoundly horrified and disbelieving look in his eyes, despite the fact that the entire scene had been freaking hilarious.

"You know that feeling that people and skeletons alike sometimes get where they suddenly feel like they have cancer tumors infesting their entire bodies right down to the freaking bone marrow? Yeah...let's just say that what I just saw on my phone has DEFINITELY made me feel more than a little harrowed!" Papyrus shuddered fearfully for the fate of humanity, already beginning to very seriously and legitimately question the overall state of his own sanity.

"If those freaking idiotic little dolts seriously think that I'm going to just stand here ALL GODDAMNED DAY, watching them violently fornicate with other people's completely and utterly defenseless CENTRAL FREAKING NERVOUS SYSTEMS for literally NO godforsaken reason other than so that the voters can regretfully jerk off to it, then they must have weeaboo action figures wedged in their frontal LOBES!" Gaster spat disgustedly, head-shakingly (and also nauseatedly eye-twitchingly and mouth-coveringly) readjusting his glasses and revoltedly straightening out his robes.

"Mommy, can I please go home and take a shower? Preferably an EXTREMELY long one, at that? I literally feel physically unclean and mentally degraded after watching that!" Asriel, who was now wearing an adorably fluffy set of earmuffs and had his nose firmly plugged with bottle corks, curled himself up into a sideways little furball and writhed helplessly on the ground in a fit of uncontrollable situation-induced paranoia, wrapping his arms around his tightly bent knees and shivering in wide-eyed, unblinking psychological terror while his mother Toriel glared soul-piercingly evilly at her now-long-hated-and-despised ex-husband Asgore.

"See, honey, what did I tell you about letting Asriel bring his freaking PHONE everywhere? Look at him now, he's literally so goddamned traumatized by what he just saw that he can't even THINK straight!" Toriel yelled infuriatedly at Asgore, slapping him brutally across the face.

"Oh come on, it can't really be THAT bad, can it? I mean, at least the presidents themselves are probably to turn out better than I ever could as a king, don't you THINK?" Asgore shrugged his shoulders and depressedly sighed in defeat, legitimately wondering how in the actual living hell his former wife had expected him to anticipate and foresee such an unspeakably dreadful atrocity happening.

"Hmph...why don't you ask your poor little scarred-for-life son here HOW THESE TWO ARE GOING TO TURN OUT AS PRESIDENTS?!" Toriel grabbed Asriel off of the ground by the ends of his big fluffy rabbit lop-ears (causing his earmuffs to fall right off, naturally) and suddenly shrieking so loudly at her former husband that it caused frightfully large portions of both of the poor kid's precious little eardrums to burst into pieces, causing him to literally wet his pants in fear as copious amounts of warm, fresh blood leaked from each of his poor unfortunate ears.

"MOTHER, PLEASE PUT ME DOWN AND RETURN THE EARMUFFS TO THEIR RIGHTFUL BLOODY POSITIONS RIGHT NOW BEFORE I START HAVING A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN." Asriel begged his mother robotically in mock-mind-control voice tone while Asgore innocently whistled his way out of the general area before Toriel could get to him and break nearly every single one of his bones.

"But despite all that...you know what? It's okay, man. I'm gonna chill, hermano, I'm gonna chill..." Burgerpants sighed with disturbingly abrupt sudden relief as he inexplicably shrunk his head to a ridiculously small size through natural bodily means and extended his also-magically-shrunken neck and left arm all the way through Asgore's left ear canal into his brain and hacked his way through the security protocols into his Asgore X Toriel pornography databanks.

"You see, the thing is...the thing is, I fucked you once already...and I mean, and it's not like I'm fucking crazy or anything...it's okay...it's like water under the bridge, am I right?" Burgerpants cackled grimly as he used his comically, disproportionately enlarged right arm to masturbate himself to the point of climax and effectively sploodge all fucking over Asgore's beautiful face while the four girls trapped in his cage all began hysterically laughing and giggling with delight.

"WHAAAAAT?! HOWWWWW?! WHYYYYYY?!" Burgerpants kneeled down onto the floor, clutched his head tightly and shrieked at the tops of his smoke-congested lungs in simply unimaginable agony for seemingly no apparent reason as blood violently, horrifyingly leaked in copious amounts from his each and every major head-dwelling sense pore.

"HA! That's what you get for locking me in that fucking cage and then trying to fucking SNIFF me up your goddamned NOSE, asshole!" Alphys laughed coldly as she crawled right back out from Burgerpants' shiny and beady little nose, licking a positively nauseating and outright horrific amount of freshly caked blood and brain tissue from her lips and patting her loudly rumbling belly; clearly, the amount of crazy shit that she had just recently put herself through had already more than substantially taken its obligatory mental health toll.