(((This kind of extension-and-embroidery of a time-honored joke is the very stuff of folk culture.)))

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A Lesson in Politics and Culture:

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes one and gives it to your neighbour who doesn’t have a field to put it in.

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk. Then the cows die due to neglect.

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk. Then the cows die in the war.

NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you. Then the cows are killed in the war.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. (((Kinda jumped the shark with this one, but never mind, forge on…)))

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

EUROPEAN UNION BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The EU takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away because the quota has been exceeded.

(((We’ll know that the EU has come into its own when a tiresome term like “European Union Bureaucratism” is collapsed into simple “Eurocratism.”)))

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.

No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull. (((That seems very funny, but what was “Enron” again? The early Bush Administration? How dated.)))

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. (((I’d be guessing this is German humor because it’s not not actually funny.)))

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch. (((Fantastico! Posso prendere in prestito un cavatappi?)))

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them. (((Buck up, India; twenty years ago you wouldn’t have even been on this list.)))

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the hell out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.