So, I get a $50 Amazon gift card in the mail, and I'm like, "Whoa, this is awesome, thank you secret santa!" Then, I get a message saying, "1/3. Be patient". I'm like, uh, okay. This is already so generous, i can't imagine there's more to the gift.

Cut to the next day.

I come home from a day of waiting tables, I'm tired, my feet hurt, I have a date in an hour that i don't want to go on. I see on my kitchen table there are two packages. I open the smaller of the two and inside was a tamper, some espresso cups, and a frothing pitcher.

"Cool," I thought. "He must have seen my posts on r/coffee. But I can't use this, I don't have a... wait a minute."

The time it took me to rip that last box to shreds couldn't be measured in nanoseconds. I was looking at my very own espresso machine.

My good man, I am in awe of your generosity. Time has flown by in a caffeinated blur since your gift has graced my counter with its presence. Thank you so much for your incredible gift, and may the narwhals always bacon at your door.