Hello,Before my depressing journey began with Pregabalin last December, I was well versed with psychoactive substances. I mostly had bad trips, but that was due to early on stupidity during my teenage years. I decided to dose 400ug for my first LSD trip when I was 16, and ended up in the emergency room due to a freakout. I thought I was going to die, thankfully I recovered almost fully from that and later ended up trying out MDMA which I would say cured me from most of my trauma.I fell in love with MDMA and would do it a few more times, and opened up to LSD microdosing and ingesting other compounds like 5-Meo-Mipt, Ketamine, MDA, 2C-B, Methylone, Phenibut, Modafinil, Psilocybin, DXM, Hydrocodone, Vyvanse, Tramadol and more. As I grew older, my appreciation for drugs grew and I began to ingest more carefully these substances. Most I only tried a few times or even less. Probably the only one I did a lot of would be Cannabis, but that was a 3 month period before LSD and before I ever tried any other substances.Now even after all those experiences, most were good, I was able to function quite well and even got into nootropics and biohacking. I was able to perform well for work and went to new areas with my career.I did get a bit desperate though last December as I wanted to solve a lot of my problems (mainly financial) and I had a LOT of situational anxiety for a 20 year old. I had burned through $150,000 and fell into debt after investing rather aggressively, I knew the risks and was halfway through paying my debts... when I decided to go to a neurologist to address some of my recent "depersonalization" moments. I got scared of those and wanted to be in full functioning health. This most likely could be explained from the buildup of stress and what I should've done was address these first: eat better as my diet went to complete crap (I gained a lot of weight recently), my sleeping schedule was a mess, I exercised barely ever compared to a lot before, I should've spaced out some of my nootropic supplements more as I'm sure too much GABA-agonists helped produce anxiety long-term, I should've planned out my days better, meditated more, went to a psychotherapist, had a vitamin stack, etc.Anyways, long story short. I went to a psychiatrist after it was recommended as an option by my neurologist. I went to a top reviewed one and paid top dollar to receive help. He told me it can all easily be resolved with a substance called Pregabalin. I looked it up and realized it was a gabapentinoid. I only knew that Phenibut was part of that class, and it was more powerful than Phenibut. I knew Phenibut had helped me a lot with anxiety before, and I was feeling good. It took 3 pharmacies to finally find a Lyrica substitute, but I eventually did.I took 2 pills per day for 1 week and then increased to 4 as per my doctor's recommendations. Then my old life ended. After 1.5-2 weeks the tinnitus started, my vision began to worsen, my memory recall, my anxiety went up.. and the suicidal ideation began. I NEVER experienced this before. I began to read up on Pregabalin and realized that this was from the drug... here's an article that I WISH came out 6 months earlier: https://www.webmd.com/epilepsy/news/20190613/epilepsy-drug_linked_to_suicide-risk-in-young There's a group of 9K members on FB called Lyrica survivors.. some are experiencing worse symptoms than I am. The crazy part is that I took a regular dose of Pregabalin for 1 month while others can take up to 3-4x my amount daily AND they've been taking it for more than 10 years. Millions have been on this prescription. Most feel fine or that the pros outweigh the cons while they're on this for years. Then hell lets loose when withdrawal occurs either inter-dose or when they try to taper or go cold-turkey. I tapered after reading that I ran the risk of seizures if I stopped immediately or too quickly. I did a quick taper from 4 to 3 to 2 to 1 pills in a matter of 2 weeks. The acute withdrawals were the worst period of my life. Nothing can compare. I just wanted to die and was scared for my life. I DIDN'T want to DIE, yet my brain was telling me this. It felt like I turned schizophrenic or something, but I was comforted knowing there's others like me. Also tired, afraid, confused... but at least we could connect the dots that it wasn't mental disease randomly occurring. It was the drug.I then proceeded to take Phenibut to come off of Pregabalin and it helped a little bit. I also took Kratom for one day and it helped. I got off the Pregabalin and had such a hard time sleeping, even with the Phenibut (which always before helped me sleep like a baby for 10 hours straight) so I went to the doctor and requested Benzodiazepenes. Phenibut was a GABA-B agonist while Benzos are GABA-A agonists.I got off Phenibut and was given Tranxene, a long-lasting benzo that I used for 4 and a half days only. I didn't want to be on this for long. I knew the havoc benzos can wreak on one's life. I wasn't ready for more chaos.That was... the beginning of February. After 2-3 weeks I began to feel... slightly better. It's now been nearly 6 full months of off Pregabalin. I still am terrorized by Tinnitus but I don't care as much about the visual snow. I was extremely sensitive to light at first... now I've gotten used to it and don't mind as much. The suicidal ideation is still there. I still have weird intrusive thoughts sometimes. I DIDN'T HAVE THIS BEFORE. My mind is afraid of thoughts that can be homicidal, suicidal, gay (in terms of sexuality), rape, going insane, being locked up, anything pretty much to do with death and dark subjects. It's huge fears.. that slowly are going away. But not all.So my life is currently day by day, trying to survive. Waiting for things to get better. My nuclear option for the deep depression I've been put into is Ketamine Infusions. I've done Ketamine recreationally before and am not afraid at all of it. I've tried Zoloft for a period of 2 weeks, but 3 days in my tinnitus got noticeable worse with a new tone and different pitches. It woke me from my slumber, and only gave me big nightmares. I noticed now that when I take SAM-e and 5-htp (they have to do with serotonin, similar to SSRIs but not as powerful) that sometimes the suicidal thoughts and tinnitus may WORSEN, which leads me to believe that substances that deal with serotonin may make things worse for those dealing with brain damage post pregabalin.For some reason, people after pregabalin are extremely sensitive to caffeine and alcohol. I noticed my panic attacks (didn't have any prior to Pregabalin really) intensified massively after let's say... 1 coffee. Whereas I used to drink a few Monsters or was able to drink a lot of alcohol, now it's very little. Although I'm better where I try not to restrict myself...So... here's to the post. AMSTERDAM.I went to Amsterdam last weekend. I drove 12 hours from Warsaw through Berlin to buy some magic truffles. Shrooms are illegal as of 2008 in the Netherlands, so I decided to get the next best dose of psilocybin for microdosing... truffles. I'm now currently drying out the remainder of my 20g (overall I bought 50g that I'll dry down to 5-6g) and will crush them into a fine powder, put them into capsules and microdose every few days to see if a) my depression improves and b) my tinnitus intensity and/or volume decreases. There's been plenty of stories and studies done on psilocybin and it's effects on treatment resistant depression. There's only been 2 people I saw that either tinnitus was cured by psilocybin (although it can't be verified... but supposedly it did) or it reduced the intensity.I decided it was worth the 2400km roundtrip. I spent 1 full day in Amsterdam and my 3 day journey was a success... in that of the travel portion. I enjoyed getting out of the house and driving helps distract me from my tinnitus and thoughts. I do get moments of dp/dr sometimes while driving, but nothing too intense. I stopped many times and loved speeding down the Autobahn.I must note here: What I did was travel to a location where psilocybin is legal and am only recommending this for those who live in or near a place where it's legal or decriminalized, slowly we're having more of that and I'm happy to see Oakland, CA and Denver, CO have pulled a Portugal.I must also note: I'm extremely sensitive to psychedelics. I realized this upon my journey to PsychedSubstance, where Adam said I probably was just sensitive and when we tried lower doses it made sense. I either freaked out or enjoyed myself on something that most people wouldn't feel.It finally clicked when I thought back to my first time having a full blown psychedelic mushroom trip. I took .25g of potent shrooms (dry), where some people say it's a microdose for them, for me I ended up 1km away from my apartment at a nearby beach. I woke up confused and I thought I travelled to another world. I had an ego death experience on 1/4th of a gram.Maybe ever since I took too much LSD my first time, I've been noticeably sensitive to psychs. Or maybe my brain was just designed like that from the beginning. Either way... I wasn't taking any chances this time.These truffles are wet, so the math is quite hard as converting truffles to shrooms isn't equal 100% and then wet to dry is also difficult without knowing the exact psilocybin %. But since I'm not in a lab, I just decided to weigh out a small chunk. It was .05g and I went for it. This was wet, so that means I probably took .005g dry.Nothing happened. I was anxious before and during, but that was probably due to how Pregabalin put me into this daily anxious state. So nothing new. I walked around the centrum of Amsterdam and decided to head back to the hotel. I walked in the day through the red light district (my hotel was not too far away) as I had just parked my car, and took a little over .1g more about an hour later.In total, I had taken .156g which would amount to .015 dry I think. A tiny amount. Most would suggest to do 10-20x that. I might've felt a bit more anxious, but I had 2 Xanax pills at the ready in case something went wrong and I felt a bad trip on the way.The reason I'm doing microdosing is because I don't ever want to do full on psychedelic trips. In fact, I decided to stop psychedelics altogether after I had a bad experience with MDA (the psychedelic version of MDMA). But since I've tried all normal approaches now with doctors and pharmaceuticals to try and heal myself, here I am back to alternative treatments.I will increase my doses slowly. It's been over 1 week now and I will try another microdose soon. I will continue this until a) I begin to feel bad and decide a Xanax is necessary, then I will stop. b) I feel fine but see no positive effects after a while.The proper way to microdose is to space it out every few days and do it in a proper set and setting. I will only do it on days when I have not much to do and it's a good day outside, so I can plan everything out and have no stress for a few hours. It's controversial, but then again... my old youtube life was all about that. Besides crypto, I was very pro-psychedelics and MMJ. It'd be a sin not to try this before going straight ahead to Ketamine infusions which cost a fortune.That's my update so far.