Not all of you are political junkies (well, ex-junkie) like me. But there are different kinds of words the politicos use to denote importance. A “hearing” is an official meeting of one of the various committees or subcommittees. When some pol speaks of a “briefing,” with many of the same trappings as a hearing, they are intentionally trying to fool you into thinking their endeavor is more important than it is. Well, I’m here to let you know that today’s “Zoe Goes to Washington” news is nothing more than an elaborate scam.

Some of the vidya journalists probably have no idea what the difference is between a hearing a and a briefing, so they can be excused for this one mistake (I’m being charitable today). There are intelligence briefings that members of Congress skip just because they’re lazy or want to get out of town. You really think they’re going to sit up there and listen to a known philanderer with no discernible talent ramble on for an hour about her ex-boyfriend? No. They aren’t. And as you can see by the pictures, the whole thing was a fucking farce:

Jesus, Zoe, take a public speaking class. — Ethan Ralph (@TheRalphRetort) April 15, 2015

"Briefing," to a congressman/woman, means "Thank god, I don't have to show up to this boring shit. — Ethan Ralph (@TheRalphRetort) April 15, 2015

https://twitter.com/thewtfmagazine/status/588448261607854080

I don’t even know that those are politicians and not gender activists. I follow politics closely (or used to), and none of these faces seem familiar. Of course there are 435 members of the House of Representatives, so maaaaaybe there’s one in there. But to me, it looks just like Rep. Katherine Clark and some of her rad fem cronies. And if you look at the requirements to have a briefing, you will see that Zoe and Cuckmaster Jr. paid out of their own pockets:

100-1 say Zoe wasn't under oath either. — Ethan Ralph (@TheRalphRetort) April 15, 2015

Here's what a "briefing" is. It's a glorified fucking press conference. #GamerGate pic.twitter.com/7ES3PM2rTT — Ethan Ralph (@TheRalphRetort) April 15, 2015

Can ANYONE name ONE other congressman there besides Clark? — Ethan Ralph (@TheRalphRetort) April 15, 2015

https://twitter.com/atlasnodded/status/588406392303833088

Not only that, look at how Alex Bitchshitz complained about Polygon not completely throwing GamerGate under the bus (like they usually do):

https://twitter.com/TheRalphRetort/status/588459465352945664

Polygon gives a mostly fair description of #GamerGate for perhaps the 1st time ever and SJWs lose their fucking shit. pic.twitter.com/wMVBS9sbL0 — Matthew Conway (@Mattaconda) April 15, 2015

It's hilarious how they keep pulling out their white heroes to prove how they're "right"!#GamerGate pic.twitter.com/rgVlnhC1Pi — Smirking Red Ranger (@ShinGokaiRed) April 15, 2015

.@alexlifschitz Let's a have a drink and hash this whole thing out, Cucky. Remember when @AdamBaldwin shot you down? HAHAHA "new Castrati" — Ethan Ralph (@TheRalphRetort) April 15, 2015

The whole thing is completely laughable. I can’t find a good stream of her briefing, but the seven minutes I saw of it was shit. I might fire up the video capture and see if I can grab a copy. Rest assured, it was vomit-inducing. I’ll be back later with at least three stories. I took yesterday off a little bit, due to unforeseen circumstances. I’ll have more on that later as well. As always, I love you readers, and thanks for helping keep me afloat doing what I love to do.

UPDATE:

https://twitter.com/atlasnodded/status/588479863423631362

https://twitter.com/atlasnodded/status/588482992651300864

https://twitter.com/atlasnodded/status/588488206645129217