LIKE A NIGHT OUT IN SHEFFIELD

The last time Arsenal and Sheffield United met in a football match, Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon was top of the UK charts. Luckily for the laboured introduction to today’s Fiver, Carlos Vela and Lord Bendtner were on fire at the Emirates that September night, combining to score five of Arsenal’s six goals as they knocked United out of the Rumbelows Cup.

It’s actually been nearly 13 years since the two sides met in a top-flight game, when Blades striker Christian Nadé – still playing fitba with Scottish League Two side Annan Athletic – scored the only goal of the game to win three points for Neil Warnock’s side. It was an afternoon in which a young defender by the name of Phil Jagielka kept a clean sheet for half an hour, after being forced to don the gloves vacated by the injured Paddy Kenny. Warnock had decided he didn’t need a goalkeeper on his bench and much to his opposite number Arséne Wenger’s chagrin was ultimately proved correct.

Tonight, after a weekend of so-so Premier League action largely overshadowed by more [Fiver sticks finger in one ear, shoos readers away, gazes into middle distance while nodding sagely, before making a large rectangle sign and pointing at it] VAR-induced tedium, it is left to the players of Arsenal and Sheffield United to provide our football entertainment.

While Sean Bean, Jessica Ennis-Hill, Joe Elliott and other United fans tend to get very cross if you point out similarities between Warnock and their current manager, Chris Wilder, there are certain barely discernible parallels between the pair. One is a no-nonsense, tough-talking, Sheffield-born football man renowned for his motivational skills, while the other is … well, the same but with a penchant for overlapping centre-backs. On what promises to be a dark and dirty Monday night at Bramall Lane, there is a feeling the players of Arsenal may be overlapped to within an inch of their pampered lives although United have not been without their problems in the build-up.

Having been charged with drink-driving, striker Oli McBurnie may be benched as punishment for his alleged indiscretion. With McBurnie’s fellow forwards David McGoldrick and Callum Robinson also in doubt, Wilder could still find himself with nobody to play up front. As luck would have it, he has an aged veteran in his squad who has proved decidedly versatile in this fixture before and it’s not like Old Man Jagielka doesn’t have a mighty right foot.

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Join Nick Ames for Sheffield United 1-1 Arsenal from 8pm BST.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“I don’t like for one specific game to change something. But sometimes you have injuries, you have problems, you have a smell from the team and you have to do it” – Pep Guardiola on the aromas that affect his Manchester City team selection.

Pep Guardiola: on the lookout for injuries, problems and smells. Photograph: Nathan Stirk/Getty Images

FIVER LETTERS

“On a recent visit to Italy I noted that Corriere dello Sport provides approximate reading times for their articles: on Ancelotti and Naples was timed at 2min 36sec – a little short, possibly; 3min 02sec perhaps a bit of a time waster on Kolarov, but I read it; the Zlatan article nib the same issue weighed in at 7min 21sec though I stopped at 4min 09sec. How many ways are there to say Zlatan, after all? Is there something here for the Fiver? Has anyone been timed reading the Fiver from beginning to end? Or has anyone ever actually read The Fiver from beginning to end? Oh, never mind” – Nick (now back in New York).

“During the second half of Spurs-Watford, Ben Foster hit a goal kick straight into touch. He had all the time in the world, but was unable to do anything productive, creative, or entertaining with the motionless ball. Why did my mind flash immediately to the Fiver? – Mike Wilner.

“Is Fiver Ed the same person as the more famous Ed who was roaring in Friday’s edition while finding the time to thumb the Mr Potato keyring secreted in his pocket? That would explain the Fiver’s downward spiral” – Fredrick Ochieng.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizelessletter o’the day is … Nick (now back in New York).

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Football Weekly Extra? Football Weekly Extra! Soon? Soon!

NEWS, BITS AND BOBS

Adam Lallana says his equaliser at Old Trafford can revitalise his Liverpool career. “Just because I’ve not started any of the first nine games, I don’t think that means I am not going to play a big part in this team,” he cheered.

Manchester United ejected a fan from Old Trafford at Sunday’s Premier League match with Liverpool over alleged racist abuse. United say they are investigating the matter as a priority.

Haringey Borough’s FA Cup qualifying match against Yeovil will be replayed on Tuesday 29 October, the FA has announced. Their game on Saturday was abandoned after Haringey players walked off after suffering alleged racist abuse from opposition fans.

A landmark study has revealed the link between football and dementia.

Mauricio Pochettino says he’s not worried about the pressure beginning to mount at Spurs. “The rumours happen in any club when you don’t win,” he shrugged. “That doesn’t mean they are true and you need to care or pay attention about what has happened.”

Sheffield United striker Oli McBurnie has been charged with drink-driving.

Bulgaria are set to appoint former Ludogorets and Levski Sofia manager Georgi Dermendzhiev as their new head coach. “I am aware of the current situation. It won’t be easy, but we will fight,” he said. “Whoever is afraid of bears should not walk in the forest.”

STILL WANT MORE?

Pace, precision, power, joy: Real Sociedad are storming in La Liga, writes Sid Lowe.

Prodigal son Gonçalo Paciência leads Eintracht revenge mission, writes Andy Brassell.

Atalanta are not ready to dash from their Cinderella story in Europe, writes Nicky Bandini.

Was Sunday’s result one for Manchester United to build on or a reminder of how far they must climb, wonders floating-brain-in-a-jar Jonathan Wilson.

There were two tickets to paradise but there are 10 talking points from the weekend Premier League action. Which makes them five times better. Than paradise. Possibly.

Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!

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