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There are currently no refuges for male survivors of domestic abuse in London, leaving thousands of men in desperate situations each year. The ManKind Initiative and ambassador, Ian McNicholl are among many calling on Sadiq Khan to change the conversation and encourage men to come forward.

“I was in total shock,” says Ian. “She unscrewed the hoover pipe and then just whacked me across the head, like it was a rounders ball.”

The 56-year-old is talking about the first time he was assaulted by his then partner Michelle in 2006: “There was no remorse, she wiped the blood off the hoover and carried on hoovering.”

All Ian had done was laugh when asked a question about an ex-partner of his. He had no idea that this would lead to a torrent of vicious attacks, emotional abuse and manipulation that would last 14 months before police intervened.

Nearly two million people were victims of domestic abuse last year, according to ONS statistics. While the number of domestic abuse victims is predominately made up of women, Ian McNicholl is proof that men also suffer. For every three victims of this kind of abuse, one will be a man.

After 14 months of torment, Ian was rescued by an anonymous call made by a neighbour. “I will always be grateful for that phone call,” he says. “He saved my life, I have no doubt about that.”

The police arrived at the house and arrested Michelle, who was later sentenced to seven years in prison for grievous bodily harm with intent and assault. Her final brutal attack left Ian with painful fractures to his skull, cheekbones and ribs while his arm was so badly beaten it was nearly amputated.

After spending hours in A&E, the police left Ian at a homeless shelter despite being a high risk case. The next morning, he was given just ten minutes notice before being pushed out onto the streets.

Michelle had been bailed to the house that Ian owned and which was no longer safe for the 56-year-old to return to. She had already rinsed his savings and isolated him from friends, leaving him alone and terrified for his life: “Within fourteen months, Michelle undid three decades of lifestyle and career choices,” he explains.

It took 18 months before he could afford private accommodation and rebuild his life. Unable to work because of his injuries and the trauma he had endured, he was forced to stay in Salvation Army accommodation for more than a year.

Ian was left feeling abandoned by his experiences and the lack of support he received from authorities, which is why he now works to help others in similar situations.

As an ambassador for the ManKind Initiative, Britain’s first charity dedicated to male domestic abuse victims, he lobbies for more support for men and works with groups including the police to educate them about male victims.

Ian sees his work as an “informal therapy session” that allows him to reflect on his past and help explain why men find it so difficult to speak out: “For me, it was very simple,” he says. “Any attempt to leave and I’ll be killed.”

Michelle had alienated him, chipping away at his friendships: “By fracturing those relationships, I didn’t feel as though I could turn to people for help.”

Studies by the ManKind Initiative show men are three times less likely to report themselves as victims than women. Mark Brooks, the charity’s chairman says society plays a big role in why men don’t come forward: “For men, they fear that they won’t be believed, they don’t understand how and why they can be a victim of domestic abuse and they don’t know where to get help.”

“From a societal perspective, there is still a problem and a reluctance to accept that men are victims. It’s still seen very much as a women’s issue where they’re the victims at the hands of men, rather than a society issue where both men and women can be victims and perpetrators.”

More than one million women were victims last year and while it remains crucial that they are granted the help they need, the current “one dimensional focus on domestic abuse” is causing more harm than good.

Recognising the signs of abuse: Going along with everything their partner says or does

Making excuses about frequent injuries

Regularly missing work or social occasions

Often checking in with their partner to let them know where they are

Showing dramatic personality changes

Having no access to social media

Appearing afraid of or anxious to please their partner

Having limited access to money There are many other characteristics of an abusive relationship

Statistics about female victims dominate coverage of news stories and campaigns with little to no mention of men facing the same battles. Ian McNicholl believes that the terminology surrounding domestic abuse is further proof of this issue. “Language is an absolute barrier,” he explains. He says the government’s Ending Violence Against Women and Girls (VAWG) strategy is an example of how “imbalanced” reporting currently is.

The plan works to ensure victims receive the right support and has helped provide new refuge beds, education, life skills training and employment for survivors. But this government initiative also includes men and boys which is unclear from its name, presenting yet another barrier for men trying to access help they need.

The Government is currently working on a “landmark” Domestic Abuse Bill which will “protect and support all victims and make sure agencies effectively respond to domestic abuse”. In a bid to improve language use, a Government spokesperson says the Bill “will create a legal definition of domestic abuse to ensure it is properly understood, make clear it is not limited to women and girls, and to recognise abuse that happens in all relationships”.

The VAWG strategy has already proved effective in helping women and while the Government is “looking to strengthen our support for male victims” by funding a targeted advice line, more must be done and sooner. The Domestic Abuse Fund claims that women are “more in need of refuges", and while this is certainly true, male victims are also struggling to leave abusive relationships because they have nowhere to go. “I’m not saying we need the same number of refuge spaces for men as we do for women as we clearly don’t,” insists Ian, but he explains that a “proportionate response” would help look after those in need.

Statistics gathered by the ManKind Initiative reveal 20,513 men in London were victims of domestic abuse last year, which is why it proposes an equivalent strategy to VAWG aimed at ending intimate violence against men and boys, and is calling on London’s Mayor to do more.

Claire Waxman, London’s first Victims’ Commissioner, has shown support for the idea and says that “tackling domestic violence is a key priority in the Mayor’s Policing and Crime Plan”.

“He has provided £2 million of funding for the Pan London Domestic Abuse Service - the biggest of its kind in London - which is open to men and women. Through Survivors UK, the Mayor also supports male victims of rape and sexual abuse with funding to help them receive counselling through one-to-one support and advocacy support should they wish to report to the police and proceed through the criminal justice route.”

“Clearly, funding cuts to local authorities over recent years have given them no choice but to reduce vital services. We have, and will, continue to lobby the Government to address this funding crisis through its Domestic Abuse Bill.”

The Government says they “remain entirely committed to ensuring secure, sustainable funding for domestic abuse services, including refuges and is continuing discussions regarding accommodation, but it’s clear that gendered approaches when offering support are unhelpful.

With a system that currently risks alienating men who are already vulnerable, it’s crucial that society and authorities work to banish stigmas and see abuse as something that anyone can suffer. Ian explains that “what we need is a consistency of approach that is focused on the person and not the gender”.

If you are in an abusive relationship or you are concerned somebody you know might be, you can call the ManKind Initiative's confidential helpline for support on 01823 334244