Pete Buttigieg blazed an LGBT path to the White House, and I'm both wrecked and grateful The damage from a lifetime of social and legal marginalization does not go away. But Pete's formidable campaign shows what can rise from the struggle.

Michael J. Stern | Opinion columnist

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I’m heartbroken that Pete Buttigieg ended his campaign for president Sunday night. Not because Pete’s intellect, empathy and ability to articulate his sound policies place him a cut above decades of politicians on both sides of the aisle. My emotional wreckage comes from watching an openly gay man, in a loving marriage, come so close to doing for the LGBT community what Barack Obama did for the African American community.

When Obama defied conventional wisdom, and the odds, to become the first black president of the United States, his achievement said to every black kid who thought he couldn’t — yes you can. The success of the former mayor of South Bend, Indiana, on a national stage next to seasoned politicians and billionaires, offers a similar promise to countless LGBT kids who believe they can never achieve the same success as their straight counterparts.

When I was hired by the Department of Justice in Detroit, weeks before the decade rolled into the 1990s, the FBI discovered I’m gay during my background investigation. In the months that followed, the FBI interviewed family, neighbors and colleagues about my “alternative lifestyle.” In the end, the Justice Department authorized my firing. Fortunately, the U.S. attorney was given the option to keep me on, and he did.

I hid my personal life for years

Despite handling some of the department’s most significant cases, and twice being flown to Washington where the attorney general handed me an award for my work, I understood the reality of law enforcement’s historic bigotry toward the gay community. And so, for years I hid much of my personal life from the agents and other prosecutors with whom I worked.

That changed over time. But no matter the progress made, the damage from a lifetime of social and legal marginalization does not go away. I still run my finger over the ridge of that scar every day.

Pete has the same scar, and he showed it to the world when he described his early struggle: “If you had shown me exactly what it was inside me that made me gay, I would have cut it out with a knife.” Pete said what every member of the LGBT community has felt at some time, in some measure.

But watching an openly gay man run a formidable presidential campaign, while holding his husband’s hand, shows what can rise from the struggle. Not just the grand public success, but the freedom to make our lives whatever we choose. Pete showed us the untethered future that comes with personal acceptance.

Ironically, this did not shine as a point of pride for a segment of the LGBT community who took many opportunities to play the part of a homophobic mob trying to tear down one of their own, rather than support him. Misguided efforts at edgy intellectualism prompted a slew of self-loathing opinion pieces in which LGBT authors trashed Buttigieg for not being gay enough — apparently failing to lead those attending his rallies in a choreographed medley of Britney Spears’ greatest hits.

Despite this, perhaps in part because of it, Pete showed that self-acceptance can come in any form that is genuine.

Sealed with a kiss: Goodbye for now, Mayor Pete. But this is not farewell.

Sure, there were the assorted anti-gay attacks, some of which came from the usual suspects, like Rush Limbaugh. And there were the “too perfect” attacks from talking heads like Laura Ingraham, lead cheerleader of Fox News’ Barbie army. Ingraham asked viewers: “Doesn’t Pete just make you all feel inadequate?”

Ingraham’s comment prompted me to tweet her an answer: “Yes, Pete Buttigieg makes me feel inadequate. That's the quality I want in a president. I want the brightest, most articulate, most educated person running the country.”

And proving I’m not as composed as Pete, I waded into the mud with a follow-up tweet to Ingraham: “@RealDonaldTrump makes fools feel superior. That explains his base.”

No whining or complaints

Shortly after Pete ended his campaign, President Donald Trump tweeted that Pete’s withdrawal from the race was designed to stop Sen. Bernie Sanders from winning the 2020 presidential nomination. In a rare twist, Trump appears correct. Rather than siphon votes from former Vice President Joe Biden, the moderate front-runner who many believe stands the best chance of beating Trump, Pete put country over self-aggrandizement.

Pete ran a campaign designed to bring people into his inclusive tent. He proposed detailed plans to reduce systemic racism, ensure everyone had access to health care, and reduce the inequality that comes from the wealthiest among us getting the biggest tax breaks.

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Pete acknowledged his shortcomings and made a commitment to do better. He was the anti-Trump: calm, kind and thoughtful. There was no whining, complaining he wasn’t being treated fairly, or weaponizing supporters to attack his opponents. Through it all, Pete handled himself with dignity, grace and moral character.

For those of us who grew up gay during any year that begins with “19,” the idea that an out gay man could win this year’s first presidential contest, in Iowa, makes our hearts soar.

At some point, the fact that a presidential candidate is LGBT will be a footnote rather than a headline. When that time comes, we will have Pete Buttigieg to thank for blazing the trail. Until that time, he will be an inspiration to LGBT people everywhere, who never thought they'd see someone like themselves on the path to the White House, but did.

Michael J. Stern, a member of USA TODAY's Board of Contributors, was a federal prosecutor for 25 years in Detroit and Los Angeles. Follow him on Twitter: @MichaelJStern1