There has been a frighteningly increasing number of MLM companies this past year. With that, come the loyal but ill-advised army of “consultants”. These drones are called Hun Bots. MLM is multi-level marketing, also known as a pyramid scheme. You know, that company your uncle Johnny joined and was convinced he’d be rich from as long as you buy into it with him. These companies prey on the desperate, lazy, or just people bored with their current life and want to feel purposeful/independent, thus creating the elusive Hun Bot. They get this name from using the word “hun” as a term of an endearment to capture prey. It can be difficult to spot one of these deceitful reps, but when you do here’s a quick guide on how to avoid an MLM consultant successfully.

Aggressively Sell Them a Product

Your attacker has now approached you with a must-have new essential oil that is known to cure cancer by adding it to your coffee every morning. A great way to disorient this salesperson is to aggressively sell your product to them. It could be anything. Your watch, your half empty Starbucks latté, or even your own fictitious essential oil.

Hun Bot: Hi hun! I overheard you talking about your headache to the barista! I have the perfect essential oil that immediately destroys headaches and migraines! You, the hero: That’s interesting, but what do you think about gently used napkins? I have a really great deal just for you!

Pretend They’re Invisible

You can’t sell me anything if you don’t exist! Similar to covering your ears and screaming, “LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU LA LA LA”, this one requires less noise. The next time you see one of these in the wild and feel unsafe, prepare yourself to ignore them. Desperate enough for their next meal, they will approach you. When they do, continue to walk into them by pushing your body into theirs as if they weren’t in your path. Doing so will not only confused the rep, but have them second guessing their very own existence.

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Show Dramatic Disinterest

Sometimes, however, these sneaky consultants find their way into your life online and insist on meeting with you in person (usually at Panera, but it’s unclear as to why. My bets are on the bread bowls). If you didn’t know what you were getting into until you’re face-to face with them, do not fret! I have this part covered. Every time the rep shows you a product, (especially if it’s a scent or food) smell it and excessively gag. If you can develop tears in your eyes from the horrid fumes, you get extra points. If it’s clothing however, profusely insult everything about the products.

Hun bot: Check out these amazing new Porky-Roe’s leggings! Only $90 for the sheerest leggings! It’s basically like a mesh net! You, the self-proclaimed Simon Cowell of fashion: That is the ugliest piece of fabric I have ever seen with my very own British eyes. I am appalled. It’s a no from me, Carol. Hun bot: I thought you said you were from Oklahoma?

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Insist On Paying With Odd Forms of Currency

Forced to sit through an entire speech? Too uncomfortable to reject them now because they’re masterfully skilled in the art of guilting? Offer Monopoly money. No one can deny the sweet sweet pink $5’s. Gaze upon the glory of the gold $500 bill. Three of those bad boys and she’ll be on her way to owning that pink Cadillac.

Other forms of currency:

Inform her of your friend, the prince of Nigeria, who has tons of gold waiting to be spent on overpriced over-scented wax melts.

I nsist on paying with Simoleons, and that you know a nifty cheat code to get more.

Chocolate coins

I’m hoping this guide saves another innocent life from the jaws of the bloodcurdling Hun Bot.

What are some ways you’d avoid one of these consultants? Send this to at least 8 of your friends to send to 8 of their friends and all report back to me.

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