December 20 - How To Christmas

Christmas is the one time a year besides April Fools when everyone seems to give a care, but you also receive cares in return. In fact it's expected, you need to give cares in equal proportion to the cares received. Give too little of a care and wow thanks for this care, man. I see you put a lot of thought into it. I spent a lot on your care but yeah it's cool, this is cool, thanks. Give too much care and you're the care show-off, I thought we agreed on a care limit? Now I look like an asshole. Here's a guide on getting the most out of Christmas content.

It all starts with a festive look, which is basically just snow on everything. Over half the planet doesn't receive snow, and it sets an unrealistic precedent for future generations that will live in a tropical paradise atop the melted glaciers. I saw it in that documentary with Kevin Costner.

Did you know Jack Black was in that documentary? I didn't until I searched for it just now for this lie. Anyway, having snow and ice and shit all over the place is festive. I bet White Jesus had a lot of snow when he was born in Israel, he probably went sledding on the Sahara.

Here are some more Christmas tips!

Cover a tree with candy and colorful orbs

Receive presents and then stare at them until Christmas

Collect snow to make snowballs. And then commit assault

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