Today’s Thanksgiving. Or Black Friday Eve, as I know it. And Black Friday is serious business.

Wanna get in and out alive and with the prize? Then think of your competition as zombies. These rules from one of my favorite films, Zombieland, will keep you shopping:

1. Cardio

Have you been training? Ir not, you better start. Walk some laps after eating your turkey. And pace yourself tomorrow!

2. The Double Tap

Now, I’m not asking you to kill anyone, but instead refer to this as a “double check”. Double check your coupons and lists… make sure you get everything you’ve come for!

3. Beware of Bathrooms

Are you a woman? Then stay clear of the bathrooms in malls and large stores. They’re going to be PACKED, and that will take away from your prime shopping time. Go to the bathroom before you leave home, and try to stay clear of liquids.

4. Seatbelts

If you’ve tried to go to a mall anytime between Thanksgiving and Christmas before, you know the parking lights are CRAZY. And the drivers? Even crazier. Seatbelt up. Your life depends on it.

7. Travel Light

Traveling light doesn’t mean you can’t have a big bag with you: keep it fairly empty so you can store shopping bags and flyers in it. And keep it big enough to “accidentally” knock it into the person grabbing that last game console you want. (But I didn’t tell you that.)

17. Don’t Be a Hero

Know when to be a hero and when not to. Will that last action figure in Toys R Us make Christmas for a little boy or girl? Go for it. Are the streets icy and you’re sleep deprived? Stay at home. Your friends and family want you happy and healthy way more than they want any material item!

18. Limber Up

Take a look at #1. Didn’t train? Then make sure you do your stretches before heading out. You’ll be pushing carts, holding bags, and picking out items that are both high and low on shelves. Make sure you’re ready!

22. When in Doubt, Know Your Way Out

If you decide to go somewhere crazy (like Walmart), make sure you know your exits. Seriously. People are crazy there. Don’t get shot.

31. Check the Back Seat

The Holidays are a gold mine for looters. Make sure everything’s locked, and check your backseat: make sure you can’t see any packages or bags from the outside.

32. Enjoy the Little Things

You know, like free snow globes.

Enjoy Black Friday and stay safe!