Recently I was invited to my first garden party. I was shocked and fuckin’ flattered. The only thing I knew about garden parties was that people wear fancy hats.

What would I make for such a classy event? Thinking back to the fancy hats my mind naturally drifted to dick-shaped cookies with fancy hats.

Instructions:

Step 1: Be sure to sketch out a few ideas on paper before you commit it to a cookie someone is going to put in their mouth. Most people don’t like putting any ol’ dick in their mouth.

One piece of advice I can offer is to not sketch this out in the notebook you use at your place of employment. A loose leaf sheet of paper kept in the privacy of your home will suffice.

Step 2: Make the best fuckin’ cookie dough. Then flatten the dough and cut out a dick with a fancy hat. I started with a dick cookie cutter and then used a sharp knife to carve the hat out around the heads.

You could also draw out a dick with a fancy hat on cardstock, cut the dick out, and then use it as a stencil with a sharp knife to make your dicks uniform.

Step 3: Decorate your fancy dicks. It’s always best to decorate piecemeal, so each piece can dry before you start on the next.

Step 4: Take fucktacular pictures of your fancy dicks. I’m glad I made these fancy dicks just in time for bluebonnet season. These fancy dicks are truely Texans.

_____

Dicks aren’t just for the bedroom and garden parties! Here are a few neat dicks you can make for several occasions:

_____