A Fathers Cry

In Brightest days and darkest nights, whether a father’s decisions are wrong or right,

He wakes up loving his children in all ways,

Even in the darkest days.

A father is a father no matter what, even if he wasn’t the dad you thought he should be,

If he was not there while you grew up, were there reasons, you could not see?

Did he forget you and walk away, without a word, like your mom did say?

I doubt it you see, for all fathers, are not free, to make the decisions of what they can do and

who you see.

We are human and we have our faults, but so do mothers and the courts.

Just remember one thing child you sprang from me.

You carry my genes, you carry my traits, you carry parts of me, the man you say you hate.

Yet through the brightest days and darkest nights, through all the loving and hating

And the fights, through all of it my child I think of you each day and night.

I couldn’t see all of the one I married and made you with,

Hell no child, no man could see that shit,

I was not the one who treated your mom wrong, but I am the one who left when she told me

to be gone.

I wasn’t given a chance, or had no way to stay, so I made the best decision come that day.

I had no idea of what they would say, behind my back since that day.

But I can tell you this, just as I did when you were born,

You were born of love and born of joy, just like every other girl or boy,

I did not rape your mom, or do her harm, she is the one who couldn’t overcome previous

harm.

I did not fight when she said divorce, for nor would it have helped, or changed the course,

The truth is as I have always said, I gave her what she sought and she marked me dead.

So now the years have all gone by and I call you up and you ask me why,

I tell you that I want to know who you are and you to know me, for you will always be,

my child, my star.

Do yourself a favor and me too, don’t tell me I was a sperm donor and didn’t care for you,

Don’t tell others I was never a dad or father, in truth, it’s a lie,

Why, should I bother?

For you will never admit I was a dad, for you were too young,

But no matter what, I will always be, your Father!





Can’t Change the Pain and Hurt

We can’t change time, we can’t change people, we can’t change anything that has gone by,

We can’t change how we feel, we can’t change when things get done or don’t,

In the end we can’t change what has been, but if we are smart enough to look,

Maybe we can see through the noise and the din,

Enough, to know, when to let someone in.

I can’t change what happened in the past, and Lord knows the time flies by too fast,

I can’t make a difference now that your grown,

That you must do all on your own.

You can hate me if you wish; you can condemn me for my ways,

You can hate me for what I did in my yesterday.

You can hate me for what you have been told,

Or you can check me out for yourself and be bold.

I can’t change the lies, the cruelty, or the pain, I can’t change the past they lived with their shame.

I can’t reach back in time and say I am sorry, for saving my own heart and mind and soul through all the worry.

I can’t cry out loud and try to make you understand, but I can tell you this, the pain has made me this man.

So, when you think you can take advantage and push me around, ask for money and get it and then put me down,

Listen very closely, and listen now, to the silence you hear so loud and so plain,

Every time you call me a name, you, call me a sperm donor and know not a thing, of why I didn’t wear that marriage ring.

Every time you cry out in anger remember this, you break my heart and that I can’t resist.

You are my daughters, by blood and birth, but it does not mean, I must take all the hurt.

So when you lay down your heads upon your pillows and go to sleep, think of the pain I have that you don’t know that I must keep.

I will not cry out for forgiveness or in shame,

For my daughters, I am not to blame. I did nothing wrong, in those days or since,

And I know in my life I shall never be a prince.

But hear me now, hear me loud and hear me proud,

I won’t take being called a sperm donor in private or in a crowd, no dear child it's not allowed!

Don’t !

Swear you know it all!

Try to be the savior for all, you will fail.

Believe everything you're told, it’s only half true.

Don’t choose sides between, children or siblings and parents,

You lose everything if you do.

Don’t judge a divorced parent as the guilty one and the other,

As a hero, because both failed at the marriage, not just one.

Don’t battle among family members, for the family you lose

Will be your own and you will need them one day.

Don’t lie every day about anything to hide something, in the end, the truth will bite you in the ass and cost you!

Don’t is a precautionary word, usually meaning you will pay

Later if you do, do it.

Don’t turn on your own flesh and blood, for when you need

Them in return they won’t be there for you and yours.

Sadly, most have no memories of don’ts, they automatically,

Take sides, and burn themselves later over it all.

Sadly, just Don’t!!!!!!!!!!!





Dreams Don’t Go Away

I dreamed of peace. I dreamed of joy, I dreamed of things like all little girls and boys.

I dreamed of love, I dreamed of caring, I dreamed of a family full of sharing.

I dream of all that could be, why couldn’t my dreams come true for me?

My Dreams were like every other child,

A World of fun, love, and things so wild,

I did not dream of what happened to me,

I did not pick my mommy and daddy!

I did not ask to be brought into this world,

Any more than any other boy or girl!

I did not dream of living in fear,

I did not dream of siblings, who would not share,

Or, a mother and father who had no care.

I did not ask for the beatings I got,

I did not ask to be hurt and threatened to be shot.

I did not ask for the memories I got,

Where I wake up running and sweaty from who knows what!

I dreamed of peace, I dreamed of joy,

I dreamed because I was a little boy.

The years of dreaming have gone by,

But I still feel the pain and see the beatings in my mind’s eye.

I see the poker coming down on my head,

His big hands, grabbing me and pulling me from my bed.

I wake up sweaty, my body trembles, my mind races to survive,

My dreams you see were real for me,

Back when they were alive.

So, as you raise your children today, think of the pain of my memories and how they won’t go away!.

Please treat your children better is all I can say!.





If I Die

If I die tomorrow and my life does end,

Who would show at my funeral, my friend?

Would they come from my youth, the days when I ran free,

A boy in the woods, enchanted you see?

I doubt that they would even remember me!

Would they come from my Elementary School days,

Ah even if I wish to know some,

I doubt it is what I say!

Would they come from the days I roamed high school halls?

Carving and writing names on walls, long lost loves and mMale friends, and all.

I doubt it you see for I didn’t play ball!

Would they come from my teenage years, when my hormones raged?

And I had no fears?

I doubt they would remember me after all these years!

So if I die tomorrow who would come?

To see a man who always had to run?

Would my ex-wives show up, or my kids,

I do not know, for I am a lone wolf and that is my soul.

So as my blood pressure rages, and my nerves get blocked, my heart starts to clog and my life starts

To Stop, Who will be there when I drop!