Before: I spoke with Jim O’Heir at my old job during an interview- he promised us that something crazy happens at the end of this hour-long episode. I’m still sad about Community’s season (series?!) finale last week, so this is going to be a big one.

During:

:00 Here we go! Very excited about Michelle Obama, by the way. Leslie’s new Anne.

:01 Tom’s Bistro is opening! Yes! The addition of Craig makes this even more exciting.

:02 “FROM NOW ON EVERYONE CALL ME KRISTEN BECAUSE I AM WIIGING OUT RIGHT NOW” -Craig. This is exactly what I was talking about.

:03 Andy and Ben can obviously do anything together. I would watch their spin-off in a heartbeat. (Blake!) (And Portland Trailblazers shout out!)

:04 “Dwayne The Rock Swanson” is the best nickname for Ron of all time. Ron’s new floor is amazing. Money’s on the fact that Nick Offerman actually did the whole room

:05 Leslie’s dream lunch. Will they be a part of her future?!

:06 MRS OBAMA. Leslie please don’t barf… please… I assume this is how Amy Poehler herself is acting with Michelle Obama and they just happened to catch it on camera. Best high-five ever.

Commercial break: The Taco Bell commercial with all the Ronald McDonalds makes me want McDonalds, not Taco Bell. Oops.

:09 Oh Andy… oh wait. Yup. That makes more sense. Andy rules.

:10 Leslie’s gonna take the job! Woo Ben! And back to Tom’s Bistro.

:11 I would also watch Donna and Craig’s spin off by the way. As long as Larry’s dog butt doesn’t show up in the spin-off. Please. That was horrible.

:12 The saddest thing about Gryzzl is that that company probably does exist. CONES OF DUNSHIRE. Can I buy this game yet? I don’t have any money but I would like to buy it. Thanks.

:13 “Merger, she wrote” also a wonderful Leslie-ism. Oh great, this lady is going to convince Leslie not to go- old people are showing Leslie her possible future! Classic.

:14 Wine tasting with Craig… more like “whine and oh jeez” party, amiright?

:15 Oh my god. How did Tom even let Larry in here? Holy god. Cones of Dunshire helps so much. Also I have the strongest urge to play Settlers of Catan right now…

:16 The central cone?! I wish I knew the rules to this game. It’s as wonderful as True American (but obviously with less alcohol).

:17 April should be working at Dick’s Last Resort. If you haven’t heard of that restaurant, go eat at one. Do it. (By the way, is this all one big plan to sabotage Tom for some reason?)

Commercial break: Why is P Diddy in a commercial with a Pharrell song? Awkward.

:21 I feel like Ben keeps forgetting his wife is having THREE KIDS. He was freaking out last episode, where did attentive Ben go?! Okay, he has an idea, I guess that’s helpful.

:22 Tom wants to be a billionaire so fucking bad. As bad as Bruno Mars. Everyone screwed up so much at Tom’s opening… I’m concerned.

:23 It’s pretty possible that Leslie already has that National Parks of America poster in her bedroom.

:24 Okay, Ben has redeemed himself. Go Leslie! Michelle Obama is definitely the new Ann.

Commercial break: Amazon Prime TV’s new ad with Gary Busey is even more scary when you’re not looking at the TV- it sounds like Gary Busey is just yelling at you.

:28 Probably the best reason to bring Jean-Ralphio and Mona Lisa back to the show.

:29 Duke Silver’s appearance is something I’ve been waiting for for a VERY long time. Will Andy take Leslie’s job when she leaves?

:30 Leslie announcing that she’s leaving! … or not.

:31 The Founders of Pawnee statue is amazing. I have goosebumps for Leslie. And I really have no idea where this episode ends. Also, is that really the Decemberists? I have no idea.

:32 Joan! Also double house-arrest bracellets is amazing

:33 Can Jam be defeated in this episode? That would be great. (Wait, can Leslie bring her workers with her?! YES PLEASE!)

:34 April and Andy will be Leslie’s assistants. Ginuwine is also great, and definitely real. Unlike the Decemberists who I’m not sure about. A Lil Sebastian cameo would be great by the way.

:35 Leslie- Don’t ask Ron! He won’t go! He’s got a baby, duh. Johnny Karate and Duke Silver duet? That would be amazing. See? His daughters agree with me!

:36 “She’s near. Hide the children.” “Sewer-dwelling gutter wish.” Ron and Tammy are almost as fantastic as Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally.

Commercial break: Bryan Cranston is 38% of the reason I’m going to see Godzilla. The rest is because, duh, it’s Godzilla.

:40 Mouserat reunion? That would also be great!

:41 I know this band is also real, but I have no idea who they are. Leslie doesn’t get April and Andy? Dammit. I’m stumped.

:42 “Thank you and I love you, but no thank you and I hate you.” This is the essence of April, is it not?

:43 Land Ho better invite Andy to join them. Forever and for a tour and everything.

:44 Okay, Mouserat with Land Ho is good to. Very good. Bye bye, Lil’ Sebastian.

:45 A hologram of Lil’ Sebastian is everything I could have possibly asked for. ALSO DUKE SILVER. BEST CONCERT EVER.

Commercial break: I’m very sad that Hello Ladies was cancelled, but at least I can still see Kyle Mooney in those weird Sprint commercials… and of course the weird new SNL digital shorts (that I actually really like)

:50 The Sapersteins would also make an amazing spin off (apparently my mind is on spin offs today.)

:51 Tom’s Bistro as the official restaurant of Pawnee/Eagleton? I think so! Duke Silver is a dad now, and it’s pretty great. Barney from the accounting firm is probably the most amazing side character Ben has ever interacted with.

:52 The rights to CONES OF DUNSHIRE. There better be real directions in that booklet goddamn it. April and Andy’s divorce and second marriage is also a great idea.

:53 Tom suddenly doesn’t need investors? I’m okay with this turn of events. Screw you, Saper-jerk. (That’s the best I can do, sorry.)

:54 4,000 signatures sounds good to me. This feels so much like a series finale, with Leslie and Ron sitting in a dark office. I bet Ron turns the fourth floor into a new wing of the National Parks department. That is the end of this episode. Oh shit.

Commercial break: Why is Julianna Marguiles doing voice over for credit card commercials? Apparently The Good Wife ain’t doing so good…

:57 I called it. Also Leslie gets to have everything she ever wanted. This is so wonderful. I’m trying not to use hashtags because this isn’t twitter but this is a moment that CALLS FOR HASHTAGS.

:58 “The best option, hands down.” Leslie leaving her office is perfect because she has a NEW OFFICE. ONE FLOOR HIGHER. WHICH IS BETTER.

:59 three years later?! JON HAMM. TERRY. FIRING JON HAMM. THEY HAD TWO BENS AND A LESLIE.

1:00 We missed three years. Oh my god. I mean, we fast forwarded through 3 years so we can get the best of everyone.

After: Holy God. Jim O’Heir said it was something he’d never seen done before on a sitcom and he is so right. I think this could be a very smart move. If Parks hadn’t been renewed this would have been an almost perfect series finale. But it WAS renewed, and now we don’t have to deal with classic story lines like “the new job” or “the pregnancy” instead we get to jump ahead to the good stuff- young kids, new problems at an old work place, more future endeavors. I think this was done BEAUTIFULLY. And we’ll get to see the merger completed (in theory) based on the scene with everyone telling Leslie she needed a few more years.

Wow. I loved it. 10 stars. (Apparently I’m doing star ratings now.) (Actually, 9 stars, because I want to know what Leslie named their kids. One from LOTR, one from GOT, and one from the Obama family I’m pretty sure.)