On behalf of the Committee To Re-Elect Donald Trump and the entire Republican Party — not to mention political humor writers everywhere — I have a simple message for Deval Patrick:

“Run, Baby, Run!”

When I heard the audio of our favorite son telling a Kansas City radio station that a POTUS bid was “on my radar screen,” it was like Christmas had come early. And I can’t wait to start unwrapping all the Patrick-era packages.

From the $27,000 new drapes when Patrick entered the Corner Office to the $11.3 million office renovation he stuck taxpayers with on his way out the door (a project that, so delightfully Deval, ran $2 million over budget), America — you’re in for some real surprises.

You think Trump hates the media? You should see Patrick in front of microphones, attacking “hate radio” (hey, I think I know that guy!), and lecturing reporters when they ask questions he doesn’t like.

Oh, yeah — the D.C. press corps is gonna love this guy!

All the old Patrick news will be new again: The corrupt phone call he made as governor to Citigroup on behalf of his sleazebag subprime lending pals at Ameriquest during the 2007 market meltdown; the letters on behalf of the “thoughtful and eloquent” convicted rapist Ben LaGuer; and his work for the Boston Olympics 2024 Partnership flopperoo, when he was paid $7,500 a month after he left office by the same committee he helped appoint while he was still in.

Hey, there are plenty of people who’d love to see a return of the Obama era, and no doubt Patrick fits the bill — and not just because they finished each other’s sentences. Literally. (“Just words?”) America knows what a wreck Obama’s Healthcare.gov website was, for example. But in Massachusetts we remember Patrick blowing nearly $1 billion on his failed Health Connector website too.

Like Obama, when Patrick left office, average household income in Massachusetts was lower than when he was elected. And they both had family issues: Obama had illegal immigrant aunts and uncles; Patrick had a sex offender for a brother-in-law.

The difference is that Obama didn’t fire anyone for how they handled Aunt Zeituni’s case, while Patrick pushed two people off the Sex Offender Registry Board for trying to get a convicted rapist registered.

During the Deval Patrick years, average household incomes fell. But still the state budget surged by about 40 percent.

Then there was the Deval Patrick slush fund uncovered by the Herald — some $37 million in public trust accounts, part of which paid for his international travel and trade boondoggles.

Voters concerned about the Trump family’s involvement with government will be intrigued by the $72,000 staff assistant Patrick put on the government payroll to keep his wife’s schedule (while she remained a partner at Ropes & Gray). The assistant also turned out to be a former campaign chair.

And on and on …

But I think the most important person for America to meet from the Patrick era is a teenager from Connecticut. She spent some time under state “care” in Massachusetts before she finally escaped the clutches of Patrick’s Department of Children and Families.

Her name is Justina Pelletier. And, Gov. Patrick, just a heads-up: I spoke to her dad, Lou, yesterday. He says that if you decide to run, he’s ready to hit the campaign trail, too.

So stock up on the chardonnay, Gov. Patrick. You’re gonna need it.

Michael Graham is a regular contributor to the Boston Herald. His daily podcast is available at www.michaelgraham.com.