My son is part of a travel soccer team for the first time this year. This past weekend we were in Columbus for a 3 v. 3 tourney. It could have been a lot of fun for us to break away from the normal routine, stay in a nice hotel with no laundry or dishes […]

My son is part of a travel soccer team for the first time this year. This past weekend we were in Columbus for a 3 v. 3 tourney. It could have been a lot of fun for us to break away from the normal routine, stay in a nice hotel with no laundry or dishes to do, and just spend time together.

Although the weekend unfolded fine without any injuries, accidents or cancelled games, we had quite a few mandatory “10 minutes with no one talking, PLEASE!” moments when we had quite enough of debating and bickering that comes with having two opinionated adolescents in the back seat (and need I mention the opinionated adults in the front seat as well?). My niece, who is on the same team joined us as well, putting the kid count at three (and now I know why I should not have had those 4 kids I wanted:) She is a gem, and blends right into the Kodak moments, as well as dysfunctional moments, for better or worse.

After recovering from the trip, I realized once more the power of HABIT. Family dysfunction may be fueled by hurts that need to be addressed, the way the parents were parented as children, life stressors, adolescence, etc. But all dysfunction is simply this— HABIT.

My son and I had a discussion about how our next trip could be more peaceful, and here is what we discussed…How to change our HABITS of interacting with each other:

1. Focusing on ENDING a bad habit is not the answer. Focusing on forming a NEW HABIT to take the place of the old instead of just trying to STOP doing something.



I do not know how many times I have said I would not chatter nervously when around someone I admired, or that I would control my temper when my kids said things “I never would have said” as a child. But you know what? All of the vows I have made to myself were useless!

I have recently changed the habit of a sedentary lifestyle. I am now working out 4-6 days a week. How? I chose the desired behavior and focused on that. Now I am daily thinking about exercising, and enjoying it for the most part. Eventually it will become such an ingrained habit I will not be able to imagine NOT doing it. ANYONE CAN DO THIS!!

2. Expecting it to happen overnight is not wise. You will get discouraged and fall back into old patterns.

Give yourself three months. Check your progress along the way, but look back after three months and see if not only your behavior is frequently different, but also if your MINDSET is different. Which brings me to my next point…

3. Mindset is CRUCIAL in habit formation.

You have to believe you can change. Sometimes when you start out, the belief is low and discouragement is high. But as you make gradual changes and take steps toward better habits, your belief will grow right along with your hope of change. Be mindful of the things you say to yourself in the meantime. Do not define yourself by your old habits. Tell yourself that you are a work in progress, but that you are NOT defined by the habits that you soon will shed.

I would love to hear what bad habits you would like to kick…and what habits you want in their place! As for me and my family…reducing the amount of time arguing is our big focus this summer:)

Post below or email me at tjeash1@gmail.com.