25 August, 2016. 10:23

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

FROM EARLY NEXT YEAR, Sydney’s Daily Telegraph will begin to roll out colour-in front pages in a bid to increase its circulation ‘now and into the future’.

A News Corp spokesman made the announcement today in light of many of the paper’s competitors releasing statements in recent months that outline their plans to slash jobs and maximise savings.

“It truly is a great time for journalism, this is the digital golden age,” he said.

“That’s why we’ve gone with colour-in front pages. We want to secure Telegraph readers at a young age and there’s no better way into a child’s mind than through a coloured pencil. The Telegraph already puts a number of Disney characters on the front page, so we thought we’d tie these ends together,”

“There are plans to introduce a digital colour-in front page, but that’s still some time away. For now, these innovative new designs should begin appearing in newsracks by summer’s end.”

However, not everybody is pleased with this controversial step taken by News Corp to lure in young readers.

Both the nation’s young news junkies and borderline illiterate are up in arms over the measures, with both groups voicing their concerns.

“Some of us would prefer to colour-in the Sydney Morning Herald, because we don’t want this fascist vitriol rammed down our throats over breakfast,” said 7-year-old Alison Duggan.

“And I don’t want to keep colouring Bill Shorten’s dumb head in for the next three years,” she said.

On the other hand, simple trench digger Nathan Frog said the new designs look too complex and he’s afraid that he won’t be able to finish colouring it into his high standard with only a four-in-one Biro pen.

“It’s fucking bullshit, mate,” he said.

“How do they expect the everyday bloke to colour-in a whole front page while on the job? Do they think every bloke in the fucking town carries coloured pencils around with him? Becasue they don’t,”

“I just want a fair go.”