Many people who support a change in the law seem to think blocking a plebiscite is a victory. Credit:Hagen Hopkins Not only is it a terrible message to send to the community that we can sit and wait; it also says that the outcome isn't worth fighting for. In my lifetime there have been laws that have legally punished people for who they are. In 1980 Victoria decriminalised homosexual acts. It took NSW until 1984. Repealing these laws was not easy. Those impacted by injustices carry a disproportionate burden to correct them.

The rationale for opposing a plebiscite is that it will be emotionally difficult. That is true. No one likes the legal standing of their relationship up for public debate, let alone a vote. I remember how I responded when Tony Abbott announced he would push for a plebiscite. At the time I was Australia's Human Rights Commissioner. In the previous weeks I was spending all my time working behind the scenes to get the law changed, and avoid a plebiscite. After the announcement I went home, crawled into a ball in bed and cried. I don't cry often. The decision led me to relive the worst pain of when I was "in the closest" in my late teenage years, where I doubted myself and my legitimate place in this world.

I know I wasn't alone in this response. Then I realised that there was no point wallowing in self-pity. History isn't delivered on a silver platter. It has to be fought for. I realised that it was an opportunity to bring the country together and fight for the type of country we want. One of the biggest problems facing LGBTI people, particularly those who are not "out" is the fear of marginalisation. As a result they internalise their fear and doubt their legitimacy in the world. I know that doubt is redoubled when others fail to stand up in defence of those who can't speak up for themselves. When hurtful things are said, they are rarely responded too.

The fear of a plebiscite is that the public debate will create this environment. It sounds right, but is actually wrong. A plebiscite is a time for parents, friends, colleagues and allies to stand up and be counted. The experience in Ireland shows they do. It won't amplify loneliness and isolation, it will respond to it. Those who self-identify with division will invite public ridicule. Offensive arguments will be seen for what they are. If we don't have a plebiscite this is what happens over the next three years: we wait, opponents continue to argue against a change in the law, there are no guarantees it passes the next Parliament and we may still have a plebiscite.

In the meantime anxiety within the LGBTI community continues and opponents get three more years to peddle misinformation and build a movement against change. Before the election a spokesperson for Australians for Marriage Equality argued "in the current circumstances it [the plebiscite] promises the least delayed, least painful and least uncertain path" to change the law. That statement was right then. And it is right now. We are in this position because earlier Parliaments didn't deliver. Rudd was opposed to it on cultural grounds. Then Gillard opposed it on feminist grounds. Later Rudd supported it and did nothing.

Shorten's current positioning is all politics, and no principle. The original spruiker of a plebiscite was Bill Shorten. In 2013 he said at a public forum he'd "rather the people of Australia could make their view clear on this than leaving this issue to 150 people". The plebiscite may not be the pathway many people want to change the law, but now is better than three years, and resolution is better than stagnation. I've been a long-term advocate for a change because of the legal and cultural importance of the institution and what it means to our country. Across Australia there are thousands of same-sex couples who have been engaged to marry for years and have been waiting for the law to change.

Their engagements, mine included, represent a hope in our country and an expression of their faith in their fellow Australians. This debate has always been about ensuring every Australian has full citizenship, and the rights and responsibilities that come with it. That is a future worth fighting for. Loading Tim Wilson is the federal Liberal Member for Goldstein and was formerly Australia's Human Rights Commissioner.