The more complex question than how to get the right (read ‘hot’) person in life (read ‘bed’) is how to get him or her out of it. It’s a real nasty problem when an asshole or a bitch transforms into a leech and sucks the awesomeness out of your life. So, the question arises, how to kick blast them out of your kingdom? Guru Ghantal helps us mere souls by giving us the solution. He explains that there are two situations to go about it. One in which you care for the brainsucker (Fuck U!) , and one in which you don’t (Cheers!).

1. Talk. Explain. And get out . Simple.

2. If you are too chicken and emotional to do step no.1 (DumbFuck!), just write it all on a cheap quality paper, using paper quality as a metaphor for the quality of your life with him/her. Please see that it will not send out a strong message if the letter is soiled with your dried tears (Wiener!) .

3. If you can’t even do that (Coward!), it is with great remorse to inform you that you are incapable of breaking up. Go to hell.

4. Here’s where the fun starts. Call him/her over. Screw him/her one last time. Let it be wild and violent, like a punishment. Spank all over. When having post coital talk, take the coldest I-don’t-give-a-fuck tone and say it’s over. (BAM!)

5. Do a Mr.India. No replies to messages, calls etc. Just drop dead. Involve all your friends, common friends and ask them to give no information about your whereabouts. After a few days, send a message saying, ‘Got the hint asshole? Goodbye.’

6. Start spreading the word around that you are single. Let this reach him/her through right channels. When they call you to ask you what’s all this that I am hearing, take an apologetic tone and say, ‘Oh I am so sorry darling, I should have told you first. My bad.’

7. Send them a package with things gifted to you by him/her with a note saying, ‘I want all my stuff back, It was all really expensive unlike you.’

P.S: If any of the above mentioned step backfires, then please don’t bother to contact Guru Ghantal. Thanks!



