From traffic jams to supermarket queues, how to stress less every day

It’s the modern epidemic that wrecks lives. But this major series has shown you how you can conquer stress using mindfulness. Here, in the final part, we reveal how mindfulness can help you de-stress everywhere from the supermarket to a horrendous traffic jam . . .

Sress is an almost unavoidable part of our lives. Although an occasional adrenalin rush can be good for you, a never-ending grind of unrelenting pressure is enough to make even the most resilient very ill.

And it can often be the small moments of stress — be it a terrible commute, or just struggling to get to sleep — which push you over the edge.

But mindfulness can help. As we’ve already explained in this series, mindfulness is simply the act of trying to be properly ‘aware’ of what you are doing at any given time, which in turn clears everything from your mind, helping you to de-stress.

Frustration: While some of the exasperation of sitting in a traffic jam is inevitable, much of it is generated by the stories you tell yourself about how unfair it is that you are caught in this situation

By now you should be familiar with the simple breathing technique that’s your starting point. Known as 7/11 breathing, all you have to do is count to seven as you breathe in, then count to 11 as you breathe out. A natural way of making the body relax, this simple act of counting will take your mind away from all other distractions.

If you don’t have time to do a full act of 7/11 breathing, you can just take a moment to pause, and take a deep breath. This micro-act of mindfulness can be really effective in times of pressure.

Psychotherapist Padraig O’Morain, author of new book, Mindfulness On The Go, explains how you can use some clever tricks to squeeze a little mindfulness into your everyday life . . .

THE MINDFUL COMMUTE

Do you see your commute as something to be endured, rather than savoured? You’re not alone. But why not try viewing your journey, whether it be by car, train, bus or on foot, as an ideal opportunity to hone your mindfulness skills and reduce your stress levels generally?

While some of the exasperation of sitting in a traffic jam is inevitable, much of it is generated by the stories you tell yourself about how unfair it is that you are caught in this situation, how the world has conspired against you and how you will be late for that meeting. Why not be mindful instead?

Focus on your breathing instead of the beeping car horns. Concentrate on your posture (are your shoulders down and relaxed? Is your neck long?). You should also try paying sharp attention to something that might be going on in the world outside your car or train.

Focus intently on the green of the fields, the blue of the sky or the colour of a fellow commuter’s bright coat. A small act like this can help to break the spiral of negative and pointless (and ultimately stressful) thoughts that might be rushing around your brain.

By all means read or listen to music while you are travelling, but take a mindful pause between chapters or tracks to concentrate on your breath. Listening to the rhythm of the train or car, observing the passing scenery and connecting with your breathing can bring you to the end of your journey feeling fresher than before.

MINDFUL QUEUING

Don’t get frustrated by the prospect of a long queue — it’s an ideal opportunity for a bit of mindful practice. Just make a deal with yourself not to pass judgment on what’s happening. Instead, put your awareness lightly on your breath, on the soles of your feet or on any tightness in your stomach.

Unexpected waiting time like this provides little pools of quiet in the long series of demands on our time. Instead of trying to figure out the shortest queue in the supermarket or the bank, try looking for the longest and use it as a welcome opportunity to relax.

MINDFUL EATING

Savour it: Take a small square of chocolate and pop it in your mouth. Check your watch and try to spend at least one minute eating this tiny morsel

Mindfulness could even help you to lose weight. Supermodel Giselle Bundchen says mindfulness helped her shed pounds after she gave birth to her first baby. The logic is this: if you really focus on your food and slow down your eating, you’re much less likely to rush and consume calories without thinking. Eating mindfully gives your stomach time to tell your brain you’ve had enough.

■ Start the process gradually. For the first minute of each meal, pay attention to the taste, texture and aroma of your food and whatever you are drinking. If you’re a comfort eater, try pausing for ten seconds before you eat anything. Breathe deeply and allow your mind to settle. This may be enough to help you ignore the ‘brain chatter’ urging you to eat when you’re not hungry.

■ Experiment with calm cooking. Switch off your phone, radio or television. Concentrate, instead, on the textures, smells and even the sounds as you chop, boil and sizzle. This is your opportunity to get back in touch with the food you eat.

■ Savour your chocolate, or other favourite foods. This can help you to really appreciate foods you love — but not overindulge.

Take a small square of your favourite chocolate and pop it in your mouth. Check your watch, and try to spend at least one minute eating this tiny morsel. During this time, notice what the texture is like in your mouth. Notice, too, the aroma and what it feels like to bite into. If it’s melting, notice what it’s like to allow it to melt. Observe the sensations in your tongue and your mouth. Are you tempted to chew or swallow?

By the end of this minute, you should feel more satisfied by this tiny morsel than you would normally.

STRESS-BUSTING SMARTPHONE APPS TO KEEP YOU CALM ON THE GO 1) SLEEPBOT (for Android phones) or SLEEP CYCLE (for Apple phones) These two free apps enable you to track what your quality of sleep is like by measuring movement and sound during the night. The apps allow you to set smarter wake-up alarms. You set the boundaries when you’d like your alarm to go off — say between 7am and 7.30am — and the app will monitor your movement and the sound of your breathing throughout this period. It will then wake you up when you are at your most ‘wakeful’. This minimises ‘sleep inertia’ — the state of shock and confusion many of us find ourselves in if artificially woken from a deep sleep. 2) BREATHE2RELAX (free) Breathing more deeply is a proven aid to relaxation. This app takes you through a variety of breathing exercises designed to elevate your oxygen levels and reduce your stress levels. 3) MINDFULNESS DAILY (free) This supplies ten days of audio lessons, pre-sleep mindfulness exercises and reminders to be mindful that can be set to go off throughout the day. 4) POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT (£1.26) It is difficult to remain positive and upbeat every single day, but this app provides short daily ‘affirmations’ to remind you to be positive. 5) REMEMBER THE MILK (free) Busy schedules are a major cause of stress, but this app helps you create to do-lists and attach priority numbers to tasks. 6) WATER YOUR BODY (free) Dehydration can magnify stress. A drop in hydration levels can leave us feeling fuzzy, tired, confused and prone to headaches — all symptoms associated with stress. This app enables you to calculate how much water you need and tracks your daily water habits .

MINDFUL BEDTIME

Can’t sleep? Don’t panic. Instead, why not use this time as an opportunity to practise a few mindfulness exercises — if you can get through them before you fall into a deep and restful sleep! Try these:

■ If a nagging worry or concern pops into your head when you are trying to fall asleep, try not to spiral out of control. Instead, silently label it ‘thinking’ and return to your measured breathing. Labelling negative thoughts helps to quieten down the emotions associated with them.

■ As you exhale, say ‘breathing out’ in your head and ‘breathing in’ as you inhale. This rhythmic repetition can help calm you right down.

■ Try a body scan. Take your attention to your toes (how do they feel? Are they warm? Cold? Sore?), and then very, very gradually move your attention up your body, ‘scanning’ each part of it as you go.

If another thought pops in to your head, acknowledge it, but return your focus to your body scan.

Mindful bedtime: Can't sleep? Don't panic. Instead, why not use this time as an opportunity to practise a few mindfulness exercises - if you can get through them before you fall into a deep and restful sleep

MINDFULNESS HAS TURNED THE VOLUME DOWN ON THINGS THAT IRRITATE

Writer Alice Hart-Davis, 50, lives in London with her husband Matthew Hindhaugh, 55, and their three teenage children. She says: I’d read about the de-stressing benefits of meditation, but could never get my head round the idea. I’m a busy working mother and there never seems to be time — my life for the past 20 years has been a blizzard of stress, irritation and anxiety.

I have tried sitting still and chanting mantras but just felt silly. I’ve stared into the flame of a candle with no discernible results, and I’ve tried CDs offering ‘guided meditations’ but found them irritating. Then 18 months ago, a colleague recommended Headspace, an app-based program which offers mindfulness training in bite-sized chunks. I downloaded the free ten-day starter program onto my phone and sat down to listen.

Thankfully, it wasn’t at all annoying. There’s no cod-philosophy or suspect spirituality — it just seems to be about relaxing the body and counting breaths, trying to help the listener stay in the present. Alice Hart-Davis in meditative pose: She says 18 months using a mindfulness mobile phone app has left her feeling calmer and more composed To my surprise, I found my first session quite blissful. So I continued with the program. The ten-minute daily musings eventually switch to 15 minutes before rising to 20 minutes (this part costs £8.95 a month). Every day’s meditation is different, and although it’s not always easy (I had trouble generating feelings of empathy towards my enemies, for example), it certainly has helped. As the days passed, the instructor would leave progressively longer pauses between statements and my brain would try its level best to wriggle away from being ‘present’ and race ahead, making to-do-lists. It turns out being properly mindful can be surprisingly difficult. But goodness, it helps.

It was a few months before I told my family what I was doing. I feared they’d think I’d lost the plot. But I took a long-term view and signed up for a year-long program, which cost £59.88. Very soon it became clear that changes were beginning to happen.

After a few weeks, I felt calmer. It was as if the volume had been turned down on things that irritate me: the mess in the house and the disobedient dog. I found myself actually ‘observing’ my bickering teenagers, wondering what it was that was provoking their spat, rather than shouting at them all.

My 17-year-old daughter remarked on how calm I was. And I was. Uncharacteristically calm. Better yet, it has stuck.

Now, I set my alarm to get up 30 minutes earlier and sit on the floor with my headphones in. After a short pep talk from the Headspace app, I meditate in silence for 20 minutes.

I do feel different: calmer, steadier, and crucially, happier. Not wildly singing from the rooftop happier, but quietly contented happier, which is both lovely and extraordinary. I’m more appreciative of things and people around me, more tolerant of the ups and downs of family life.

I asked my husband if he’d noticed the difference. ‘Yes,’ he said, giving me a wary look and choosing his words cautiously. ‘You don’t get so cross about things like me being messy. And you’re definitely nicer to me.’

Which I feel is a result in itself.

Mindfulness On The Go: Peace In Your Pocket by Padraig O’Morain (Yellow Kite, £12.99). © Padraig O’Morain. To order a copy for £10.99 (P&P included), tel: 0844 472 4157.