Recently I acquired an automotive engine wiring harness that needed some serious love and attention. The previous owner had apparently stirred the dirty pot of electric gremlins, allowing them to surface from the deepest, darkest bowels of the vehicle. After seeing it with my own eyes, it became my obligation to write a “how-to” on how to successfully breed automotive electrical gremlins. The previous owner of this wiring harness had perfected this lost art, and I didn’t want the information to become lost again for all eternity.

Step 1) Use Scotch Locks to splice a few extra inches of wire in. That’s not what they are intended for but hey if it works, it works.

Step 2) Now solder some frayed wires together with zero flux or penetration. If possible, just “plop” a dab of solder on the 2 wires, but not too much, this isn’t not meant to hold for more than a few days.

Step 3) Cut open a few important wires, run them through a blender, then leave them open to the elements. This will allow for sparks, fire, and other forms of excitement.

Step 4) Add T-Taps, lots of them. The goal here is to damage as many wires as possible, and this will get you well on your way. Remember that moderation is not a word in your vocabulary.

Step 5) Find a connector that goes to something important, like a Mass Airflow Sensor for example, and cut it off. Now, ever-so-gently twist the wires back together. As soon as that is complete, pull them apart again, and lightly twist them back together in the opposite direction. Don’t bother shrink wrapping them or taping them, it won’t be necessary.

Step 6) Your car won’t run soon anyway, so why not start early by ripping off the fuel injector connectors. One? Nah, go for 2 or 3, at least.

Step 7) This is the final step so pay very close attention. Find a ground loop connector, preferably with multiple wires going to it. Now grab the nearest pair of wire cutters, and cut the entire thing off. Quickly put the loop in your pocket, and do whatever you need to do to make sure it is never associated with the wiring harness again.

If you want to successfully breed electrical gremlins in your own (or maybe a friend’s car), these are the steps you need to take to complete the process. Completing every step won’t be necessary because just one of these steps will cause endless hours of enjoyable electrical gremlin chasing.