Before we get started, the headline is a bit of a joke. But, all good humor contains at least a grain of truth at its nucleus. We all know Americans don’t literally have sex with food. But, do they glean some sort of subconscious sexual fulfillment from it? Are we witnessing transference of sublimated sexual desire emerging as a raging lust for food?

After all, in America food flows like water and there’s no shame in being a fatass. But the sexual landscape is a dry, dry desert for many men, and there’s plenty of shame for being a horny, lonely man.

Have you listened to how Americans talk about and experience food? The passion they have for eating is disturbing to those who aren’t obsessed with figuratively fucking their next meal. This is, after all, already the fattest and most-food obsessed nation on the planet. Despite people being fat as horses, “excess” doesn’t seem to enter the American lexicon when it comes to food cravings.

One of the only reliable, “safe” conversation topics across diverse crowds centers around comparing and contrasting cheeseburgers, ribs, steaks, pancakes, and other eats as if eating is the sole source of sensual pleasure in otherwise bleak lives spent toiling on the corporate plantation. The obesity epidemic and health crisis brought on by excessive eating doesn’t deter or even slow Americans down at the lunch counter or dinner table.

Food advertising is everywhere, tempting people to whet their appetite with new and novel (and mostly crappy) creations. There are fast food restaurants on every corner, but nowhere to find a quickie since prostitution is illegal. For those looking for non-pros, prudish women turn sex into a hidden, hush-hush commodity, a cultural taboo for most men (the infamous 80/20 rule applies) rather than a psychological need and recreational activity that’s considered a normal part of life.

People don’t eat to live, they live to eat in America. Food delights them. It satisfies a “craving” deep inside. Comedian George Carlin famously told audiences:

If you were selling sautéed raccon’s assholes on a stick, Americans would buy them, and eat them. They’ll eat anything! Anything! Anything!

There are 620,000 restaurants in the U.S. alone, but only a few dozen brothels in Nevada. “Johns” are treated like subhuman animals by the police state for wanting a screw, and yet fat acceptance has made it politically incorrect to criticize Bertha for weighing 350 lbs even as she crams lemon creme pies into her mouth. Poorly made hamburgers and fries are cultural icons. But, why do Americans get so turned on by food?

One can at least propose the idea that decadent meals have become a means of gratifying the Freudian id, the pleasure-seeking compenent of human psychology that no longer has its sexual needs satisfied in an anti-sex culture. Worse, could social engineers have manipulated American psychology in such a way the masses stay trapped in Freud’s lower stages of psychosexual development?

How? Seeking sex and having sex has become a cultural taboo, especially for heterosexuals, while eating has been transformed into a pseudo-sexual experience.

Americans use sensual language in food descriptions and in food advertising, and even go so far as to mix sexual and culinary terms in common parlance. Such words and phrases are used to describe food, but contain erotic overtones. “Foodgasm” and “food porn” are only two such examples. Ooooh, mmmm, aaaah. The classic NBC series Seinfeld even touched on the sexual nature of food in an episodes entitled The Mango. Elaine, while on a date with Jerry appears to have an orgasm as she finishes dessert. (Of course, Jerry wonders if she’s faking it or not.)

Ironically, columnist Mallory Frayn brought up this very topic – oral fixation – on a foodie web site. She focuses on Freudian psychology in her article exploring the uniquely American obsession with food:

Take our fascination with food porn, for example. How does eating – or even simply looking at food – become such an intimate activity? Maybe we are all stuck in the first — the oral — stage, causing food to be the primary focus.

She then admits to obsessing over food, as was the norm for pretty much every office drone I ever worked with in corporate America. One only need bring up the topic of food in a crowd of Americans, and stand back in disbelief at the pleasure people would take talking about fulfilling their deepest, darkest desires by fucking…er…eating a high calorie meal. Frayn writes:

I am always thinking about food, whether it be making it or eating it.

After initially lending credence to Freud’s theories, Frayn then attempts to marginalize Freud in typical white girl fashion. (Anglo women typically heap scorn upon intellectuals and creative men). Frayn is either willfully ignorant or oblivious to the fact his school of psychology is used to manipulate and control hundreds of millions, if not billions of people the world over.

Since it’s far easier to eat to excess than it is to get laid in Anglo culture, could it be that Americans have developed a collective oral neurosis? It can be argued that living in a sexually repressive culture causes millions of fatties to get stuck in the oral stage of Freudian psychosexual development.

Lending credence to this idea, America is near the bottom of the list of nations in the percentage of people who have sex at least once a week. Only around half of Americans get laid once a week, which means their sublimated sexual desires are either disappearing (not likely) or coming out in other ways – like at the buffet.

Let’s look at some interesting data from a Harris Interactive study done for Durex brand condoms. Not surprisingly, people aren’t going without in Latin America and the Mediterranean. They are going without in the U.S. and Western Europe. (But even the U.S. isn’t doing as poorly as Japan when it comes to the horizontal mambo.)

Percentages of people getting laid at least once a week:

Greece 87%

Brazil 82%

Russia 80%

China 78%

Italy 76%

Poland 76%

Malaysia 74%

Switzerland 72%

Spain 72%

Mexico 71%

South Africa 71%

France 70%

Austria 70%

Germany 68%

India 68%

Thailand 65%

New Zealand 63%

Netherlands 63%

Hong Kong 62%

Singapore 62%

Australia 60%

Canada 59%

United Kingdom 55%

Nigeria 53%

United States 53%

Japan 34%

Those are some bleak statistics for the Anglosphere. Australia, Canada, the UK, and the US are all near the bottom of the list when it comes to getting some regular nookie. But, Americans manage to eat out an average of 4.5 times per week with an average tab of $36, according to Zagat. What’s more, 69% of Americans are overweight and 36% are obese, but that doesn’t slow them down when it comes to getting off at dinner.

The blurry lines between culinary delights and sexual pleasure can be found virtually anywhere one looks in America. As an example, food critic Trevor M. on Yelp! touched on the sexual component of food as he compiled a list, not of his favorite bangs but the most “satisfying” places to have a meal.

Food and Sex have been linked into our sub-conscious since the dawn of time. When we eat we are immediately gratifying the pleasure center of our brain. This list is my favorite places not to be sexy, but to explore how food can be sexy and how it should heighten your culinary pleasure center in your brain, soul and body. Food is more than just nutrition: It should awaken your senses. It should make you want to rub, to engorge, to saute…yes, even saute. Cooking terms as sexual references. Kinsey would be so proud of me. Here’s the list…The only other thing I can state is that these can all be finger foods. They should be finger foods. Now eat and get your mind into the gutter…this time it’s appropriate. Just remember to practice safe food.

Yikes. I like a good meal as much as the next guy, but eating doesn’t rise to the level of sex in my mind. Yet another reason to believe sexual repression, especially the unusual, severe sexual repression one finds in Anglo America is disruptive to human psychology.

The Freudian theory about the role of oral fixation in human sexual development certainly seems plausible when explaining high rates of obesity in a deeply sexually repressed culture.

Suppress human sexuality to the Nth degree and voila! The fattest nation in the history of the planet.

Deny the id gratification of one of the most powerful human instincts, and watch people do strange things. Like eat until they literally develop morbid obesity, diabetes and heart disease.

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