Sunny days, sweeping the clouds away? Governor John Kasich, former congressman and seldom relevant Republican from Ohio, has his eyes set on a new career in children’s television after his doomed campaign finally ends.

“Ever since Sesame Street sold out and jumped ship to HBO I knew they have finally come around to the capitalist way of thinking. I believe with my sing-songy speech patterns, idioms, and a few insipid sayings borrowed from President George W. Bush I can really make a dent on a quasi-human character on our beloved children’s classic.”

Sesame Street cast and crew remain mum on this jarring public speculation of a new addition, keeping the secret tighter than Elmo actor Kevin Clash’s alleged transgressions with under-aged homosexual teen-aged sex partners.

An insider speaking on condition of anonymity commented: