That was dinner. A dinner I will not be enjoying for a very long, long, long, long time. Because here’s what’s going down in my house for the next 30 days. Or 23, because I don’t really trust myself to follow-through. But I’m trying. And I’m saying 30 days. And the point of the Whole 30 is, duh, 30 days. So that is, how they say, that. Has anyone else tried this madness?

If you haven’t, it seems like a good thing not only for those of us who know we have a gluten problem and sensitive gut, but also those who might suspect there’s something up with their food. It’s also kind of a “cleanse” just by getting sugar, alcohol, and that yummy dairy out of your system (among other things). Especially helpful for those of us with autoimmune problems, the idea is healing your body through deprivation (feel free to use that description, Whole 30). In a nutshell, the Whole 30 challenge is eating whole foods for 30 days and eliminating dairy, gluten, soy, sugar (even natural ones!), alcohol, legumes (that includes peanuts and peanut butter!), MSG (and I LOVE MSG, j/k), fruit juices (but you can have whole fruit) and every other grain you might have thought was delicious. And corn, of course, because people seem to hate that delicious vegetable that acts like a grain. You can’t even have quinoa, and that isn’t even all that delicious.

So this kind of thing is good to do with a buddy, which is why I’m excited that Maura over at The Other Side of the Tortilla is doing it with me! What’s not so exciting is Maura sits next to me at work and will be able to see if I’m sneaking M&Ms during the day. But hey, I just saw her receive a giant shipment of tortillas from her mom, so we’ll see who catches whom cheating.

The deal with The Whole 30 is this: By cutting out any potential allergens, and foods that can make you all bloat-y you get to see what’s going on up in there. It’s also to heal a gut that’s kind of jacked up. You know, like ours. I already know about the gluten (obvs), and am suspicious of dairy. For me, this is also about trying to gain some kind of control over my emotional response to food ever since I was told I could not eat gluten anymore, as well as getting my stomach in tip-top shape.

As someone who loves all foods, especially the ones with sugar and/or fat (preferably both!) this is a challenge. As someone who promotes such deliciousness in gluten-free form such as this, this, and ooooooh, this too—I don’t want you to feel like I’m turning my back on gluten-free comfort food. Because we need it. And it’s true that I’m also someone who demands that no one tell ME what to eat. After all I already am missing out on one of the most delicious foods in the world, so back off with your vegan talk. BACK. OFF.

So I’ll be super duper honest here about restricting my diet for 30 days. In addition to the whole healthy thing (which admittedly is like 12% of my motivation) it’s part me just being bummed that I don’t look the same in my clothes anymore. What used to be my “skinny jeans” are now just my “uncomfortable jeans.” It’s not that I think I’m fat (because I know anyone who knows me and struggles with weight might just punch me in my sensitive gut if I made that statement), it’s just that I’d like to be more fit. This is partly because of this –

Yep. That’s me. Doing a weekly Internet broadcast . And while I SHOULD be concentrating on writing funny lines, and coming up with one million Kardashian jokes, instead I look at these episodes and think, “Damn, who’s Tits McGee over there?” Sure I can blame the camera on that extra ten pounds, and my rack on “looking bigger than I actually am” but the fact is, I have put on gluten-free pancake weight. I have. And I don’t want to see myself on the Internet and think bad thoughts about my body. That’s dumb. It’s energy wasted, and negativity for absolutely no good reason.

I’m doing this challenge for 23 30 days, but for a reason (please note I didn’t say a good reason). I’ll be letting you know what I whip up, and if it’s satisfying at all. I’m pretty sure by the end I’ll just be shoving steak and sweet potatoes in my mouth and crying, but you’ll still be here for me, right? RIGHT? God help me.

Has anyone else ever done this? And for the entire duration? HELP ME.