Riley. Bill Riley.

On 23 July 2009, Chris made his first and last IRC appearance in months. This time, however, he enters what he believed to be a secret "troll" chat, and thus adopted the troll alias of SonichuClone, a.k.a. Bill Riley (though he forgot that his hostname still said he was ChrisChanSonichu, thus blowing his cover immediately; the trolls played along, though). When pressured for a picture, Chris provided one that was on the first page of a Google image search for "man" at the time. Additionally, it was of a middle-aged man in formal attire; not exactly what would come to mind when you think of a typical troll. The Jack Thaddeus E-mails reveal that Jack had instructed Chris to join the Chat, as part of a larger plot to make Chris hump his favorite console.

Notably disturbing are 2 instances where "Bill" tries to persuade the trolls that compelling "Chris" to rape his pastoral counselor Rocky would be the perfect way to troll him. While there's a 0.001% possibility that Chris was particularly clever and tried to set a trap for the trolls by having trolls plan to rape Rocky, then notify the authorities, it is still 99.999% likely that he wanted to lose his virginity and wanted the trolls to give him a good excuse to come onto her.

Transcript

Artist's interpretation of Chris 'incognito.'



Start of #trolltrain4andhalf buffer: Thu Jul 23 19:35:32 2009

Now talking in #trolltrain4andhalf

Topic is 'I'M BORED OF WAITING ON SAM STILL LIKE

SERIOUSLY�'

Set by vivitheg!~starroadg@adorable.bunny on Wed Jul 22

22:29:56

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Ganondorf sets mode: +o Ganondorf

Ganondorf sets mode: +o vivitheg

Looking up vivitheg user info...

Looking up Ganondorf user info...

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Luna is now known as Guest6138

Guest6138 is now known as Pudding

Pudding is now known as Lila

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Lila is now known as Sabrina

Sabrina is now known as Serena

<Ganondorf> I WANT THE FUCKING TRIFORCE

Serena is now known as Stella

Stella is now known as Ruby

< Ruby > lets PARTY

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champthom is now known as NumberTwo

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< NumberTwo > BROTHERS!!!!!!

Awesome_Sauce is now known as NickDunbar

Retrieving #trolltrain4andhalf modes...

< NumberTwo > fffffffffffffffffffff

vivitheg changes topic to 'i'm sleepy�'

Looking up GeckoMantis user info...

Looking up vivitheg user info...

< NumberTwo > Twenty, twenty five minutes to go, I wanna be sedated.

< NumberTwo > Nothing to do, no way to go home, I wanna be sedated.

vivitheg changes topic to 'DEATH TO AMERICA�'

< NumberTwo > ALLAH ACKBAR!

< NumberTwo > ALLAH ACKBAR!

< NumberTwo > ALLAH ACKBAR!

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< NumberTwo > GREETINGS, CHRISTIAN...

< vivitheg > What was that?

SonichuClone has joined #trolltrain4andhalf

Looking up SonichuClone user info...

< Ruby > Herro

< vivitheg > Who are you?

Bill Riley



< SonichuClone > Hey, My name is Bill.

< Ruby > Bill WHO

< SonichuClone > Bill Riley

< vivitheg > Bill o reilly?

< SonichuClone > No, Bill Riley

< Ruby > lol

< NumberTwo > Fair enough...

< Ruby > where r u from?

< vivitheg > Who invited you?

< Ruby > asl?

< SonichuClone > I live in Maryland.

< vivitheg > This is invitation only

< NumberTwo > INVITATION ONLY!

< Ruby > A/S/L?

< SonichuClone > Yeah, I am a close buddy of Jack Thatius.

< SonichuClone > Thadius

< Ruby > shut up guys he might be hot

< vivitheg > of course, hot guys always welcome

< vivitheg > lol

< Ruby > lol

< SonichuClone > You bet I am, ladies. :)

< vivitheg > You got a picture?

< Ruby > Mmm how big?

< vivitheg > PICTURE!

< vivitheg > I WANT A PICTURE!

< Ruby > pics or gtfo

< Ruby > Whats ur cock size, Partner?

< SonichuClone > Okay, hang on. I gotta look it up on this computer.

< SonichuClone > about 5 Inches, give or take.

<Ganondorf> WHERE IS THE TRIFORCE OF COURAGE

< Ruby > Eh

< vivitheg > shut up ganon

< NumberTwo > WE WANT INFORMATION

< Ruby > Ball size?

< SonichuClone > I don't play that game.

< Ruby > How big is the sack?

< vivitheg > SHUT UP

< vivitheg > YOU PEOPLE ARE STUPID

< vivitheg > I JUST WANT A PICTURE OF NEW GUY

< SonichuClone > 2 inches in diamater.

< vivitheg > hot

< SonichuClone > let me find my pic.

< Ruby > thats a small sack, bucko

< vivitheg > so small is good

< vivitheg > well imo

< SonichuClone > small sack, LOTS OF CUM

< Ruby > hmmm

< vivitheg > well, we're going to be holding a meeting in 15 minutes

< Ruby > know how to use it?

< SonichuClone > Yeah, I am here for that.

< vivitheg > okay

< vivitheg > well just stick around

< vivitheg > BUT FIRST I WANT A PICTURE!

< SonichuClone > I'm down with it; I've been hating that Chris Chan for MONTHS.

< Ruby > ME TOO

< vivitheg > eh

< Ruby > I'm here cos Chris Chan's cock is too small

< Ruby > I h8t small cocks

< vivitheg > lol

< Ruby > So, I troll him.

< vivitheg > of course you do sweetie

< vivitheg > ANYWAY, PICTURE WOO

< Ruby > ;)

< Ruby > we can share this new cowboy vivi

< SonichuClone > I hear that.

< vivitheg > of course Ruby

< Ruby > Double dip, twist!

< SonichuClone > I found my pic, but I forgot how I share it; do I upload it on the IRC, or do I share a link?

< Ruby > tinypic.com

< vivitheg > upload it to like imageshack

< Ruby > upload there

< vivitheg > or tinypic wherever

< SonichuClone > cool.

< vivitheg > SQUEE

< vivitheg > I CAN'T WAIT

GeckoMantis is now known as TheRealCapnCrunch

< Ruby > mmmmm

JackThadeus has joined #trolltrain4andhalf

< vivitheg > WHAT UP JACK

< JackThadeus > welcome gentle trolls

< Ruby > Cowboy, can you double dip me and Viv?

< NumberTwo > WELCOME, BROTHER JACK.

< Ruby > I'm so wet right now

vivitheg sets mode: +o JackThadeus

< Ruby > I'm masterbating with my playstation controller

< SonichuClone > http://tinypic.com/r/2nvup01/3

< Ruby > i have it set on vibrate..........

< SonichuClone > LOL! :)

< vivitheg > snap! you're a bit old

< vivitheg > but I BET YOU GOT EXPERIENCE

< vivitheg > DONTCHA!?

< SonichuClone > I only LOOK Old; I'm actually 30

< Ruby > mmmm

< vivitheg > shit, you should do something about that

< SonichuClone > I get that a lot. ;)

< Ruby > looks like a soap opera star

< Ruby > I can dig it

< JackThadeus > You guys seen Boku No Pico?

< vivitheg > oh jack you

< Ruby > lolol

< JackThadeus > awesome boy porn

< Ruby > mmmmm shota

< Ruby > fap fap

< JackThadeus > want me to link pics guys?

< vivitheg > delicious

< Ruby > plz

< JackThadeus > meh mayber later after we get bizness done

< vivitheg > ANYWAY, where's your stupid ass daughter jack

<TheRealCapnCrunch> hey guys hows it going i just got back the meeting start yet

< vivitheg > SHUT UP CAPNCRUNCH YOU FUCKING MORON I HATE YOU

<NickDunbar> ...Goddamnit Capn

< Ruby > Wheres cowboy?

< Ruby > Bill, hello

< JackThadeus > Ok people

< vivitheg > WHERE'S YOUR STUPID DAUGHTER OR IS SHE OUT OF THIS JACK

< Ruby > damn Jack is it buisness [sic] time already? I was about to get fucked by Bill.

< JackThadeus > Do you know the real reason for chris to follow the demands?

< vivitheg > duhhhhhhhh

< vivitheg > fuck microsoft, shit.

< JackThadeus > She was suppose to be here

< JackThadeus > i left her an email and everything.

< Ruby > ikr where the fuck is she

< vivitheg > WHATEVER, PROBABLY TOO BUSY DOING COCAINE lol

< Ruby > lolol

< JackThadeus > probably out with Maurice

< vivitheg > and cocaine

< JackThadeus > & Jamal

< vivitheg > and cocaine

< Ruby > and the rest of the jackson five

< Ruby > slut

< vivitheg > do ho ho ho

< vivitheg > ANYWAY, cowboy

< vivitheg > you know what's going down?

Ruby slaps SonichuClone around a bit with a large trout

< SonichuClone > :D

< JackThadeus > We want to piss off the Xbox 360 tards

< Ruby > Took you long enough

< vivitheg > fuck microsoft fanboys seriously

< Ruby > lol yeah

< JackThadeus > and ruin their sells

< vivitheg > we need to end the console wars

< vivitheg > SONY WILL WIN WOO

< Ruby > Hot huh, Bill? <TheRealCapnCrunch> nah the xbox is the shit

< vivitheg > okay i'm banning you

vivitheg sets mode: +b *!*@gecko.mantis

Timer 1 activated

< Ruby > HAHAHAH

Timer 1 halted

TheRealCapnCrunch was kicked by vivitheg (fuck you�)

< Ruby > what a small cock

<NickDunbar> So clueless

vivitheg sets mode: -b *!*@gecko.mantis

< vivitheg > ugh so stupid

< JackThadeus > A true fan of Sony would Hump/thrust the shit out of the ps3 console.

< vivitheg > so naive

< Ruby > yeah

< Ruby > a guy with a big cock would do it

< Ruby > and women would suck that shit

< Ruby > they'd eat all dat cum

< vivitheg > and none of us have big dicks HUH JACK EHHHHHHHHHHH

< vivitheg > HEH

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< JackThadeus > Plus anything would be better than seeing that crappy white console being humped

< vivitheg > shit son.

< Ruby > yeah

< JackThadeus > Xbox360 don't know hwo to make good GAMES

< vivitheg > but he's expressed resistance to the idea

<NickDunbar> Y'know why they call it the 360 right?

< NumberTwo > I do not know, why?

< Ruby > Yeah why

<NickDunbar> Because when you see it, you turn 360 degrees and walk away

< vivitheg > look, jack you gonna get him banned from psn permanently right if he doesn't agree?

< NumberTwo > LOLOLOLOLOL

<FireBurnt> you turn 360 degrees and moon walk away

< vivitheg > SHUT UP YOU JOKERS

< JackThadeus > 360 should be named 180, as in you see the console and wanna turn to go away

< JackThadeus > amirite?

< vivitheg > ugh jack listen to me

<FireBurnt> yeah

< JackThadeus > Yes My 2nd

< vivitheg > oh okay good

< Ruby > You fucking shriner, FireBurnt

< vivitheg > i want to ban him though, it'll be awesome

< vivitheg > can i do it?

< Ruby > Did you burn ur brain AND dick off in that fire of '06

< JackThadeus > only if we DONT have the sony humping video

< JackThadeus > that is when i'll consider it

< Ruby > right.

< JackThadeus > & I am not afraid of myself getting banned at the process

< vivitheg > god then i hope he doesn't do it then

< Ruby > If he doesn't do that video, he's a fucking no dick pussy

< vivitheg > anyway cowboy, what do you think of this whole thing?

< JackThadeus > I have an extra console in my person for the situation to happen.

< Ruby > kewl

vivitheg slaps SonichuClone with a HUGE-ASS TROUT.

< Ruby > SonichuClone

< vivitheg > yo cowboy

< vivitheg > pay attention bro

<FireBurnt> you there?

< SonichuClone > Yo, I'm just waitin' for the BIG Plan; what's next for the r-tard

< SonichuClone > ?

< Ruby > lol

< vivitheg > lol

< NumberTwo > lol

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< Ruby > whadya mean, newbie?

< JackThadeus > why you gotta censore?

Mysterious_Stranger is now known as The_C_Man

< SonichuClone > I ain't censorin'

< vivitheg > well, what do you think about the ps3 thing

< Ruby > better not be

< JackThadeus > r-tard*

< SonichuClone > he's a motherfuckin retard

< vivitheg > that's what we wanted to know

<The_C_Man> Sounds pretty solid

< JackThadeus > ok then

< JackThadeus > the big plan

< SonichuClone > I LOATHE the 360. Damn Red Ring

<FireBurnt> this is a chat you know we chat here not wait

< Ruby > yeah he is, and he's goanna be a no dick retard if he doesnt do this

< vivitheg > yeah, fuck the 360

< SonichuClone > YES

< vivitheg > i'm ambivelent on the wii though

< vivitheg > what do you think about the wii?

< Ruby > agreed, I like Animal Crossing

< Ruby > It's cute.

< JackThadeus > You ever played any 360 games?

< SonichuClone > it's alright; I've only checked it in a store demo.

< JackThadeus > SonichuClone, aren't they terrible?

<FireBurnt> i say we plan a away to destroy all 360s but they're doing that by themselves

< vivitheg > do ho ho ho ho

<The_C_Man> Ooooh, that shit's gonna be TIGHT yo

< Ruby > you so black C WOMAN

< SonichuClone > I hated the 360 fuck-ups.

< vivitheg > of course

< vivitheg > Bill Gates...more like...Bill Gaytes

< vivitheg > heh amirite?

< NumberTwo > lol

< JackThadeus > Gears of War...shit...more like TEARS OF WAR

< Ruby > lol

< NumberTwo > VERY

< Ruby > lol ZING

<The_C_Man> Yeah dawg, dat shit'z gay

< JackThadeus > Star Wars: The Force unleashed? more like Star Whores: GAYS IN A LEASH

< NumberTwo > lol

< vivitheg > anyway, let's introduce cowboy here to the gang

< vivitheg > you know jack obviously

< vivitheg > leader of us all

< vivitheg > And I'm Vivian Gee

<The_C_Man> Man, dat sum homo shit

< vivitheg > nice to meet ya

<NickDunbar> D'oh ho ho

< JackThadeus > greetings

< SonichuClone > HAIL Jack! :)

< JackThadeus > :D

< vivitheg > FireBurnt is some crazy pyromaniac

< Ruby > I'm Ruby Serenity Minge

< vivitheg > and the other people are a bunch of faggots

< JackThadeus > Now SonichuClone

< Ruby > yeah he burnt his dick off

< SonichuClone > I'm a bit clueless on one detail, HOW is it you can get the retard banned from his fuckin' PSN?

< JackThadeus > everyone here has at least 3 reasons of hating/trolling Chrischan, The MAn Child.

< JackThadeus > What are your 3 reasons, my friend.

< JackThadeus > ?*

< SonichuClone > Killed Clyde; Called me a homo after I trolled him, I think he even sent me a virus to take down my computer; I just fuckin' hate the batard.

< SonichuClone > *bastard

< JackThadeus > ok

< JackThadeus > On psn

< JackThadeus > you have 3 strikes then your out deal on the psn

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< JackThadeus > Chris has been banned 2 times now

Surprise Sex



< SonichuClone > You know what we should do, we should make him force himself on his counslor; forgot her name, and film it.

< SonichuClone > *have him film it.

< JackThadeus > Which Counselor?

< Ruby > lol why?

< Ruby > Explain.

< SonichuClone > the counsoler he sees weekly

<The_C_Man> Whoa, dat shit's nuts

< JackThadeus > don't know

< vivitheg > uhhhh is her name julia?

< JackThadeus > don't care

< Ruby > EXPLAIN

< JackThadeus > listen

< SonichuClone > IDK, I think it started with an "R" if I recall.

< JackThadeus > Chris has 2 strikes on the banning

< Ruby > OH YEAH Rocky

< JackThadeus > the 3rd will console bann him for good

< SonichuClone > That's it.

< JackThadeus > yes

< JackThadeus > If he wants to complain

< JackThadeus > then he will have to hang himself in the process

< SonichuClone > hells yeah!

< vivitheg > lol like he told sam right?

< JackThadeus > So if he wants to shoot himself in the head he has no choice but to comply

< Ruby > Where IS Sam

< vivitheg > probably cocaine...ing.

< JackThadeus > but I do intend on following my end of the bargain

< Ruby > She needs to be off the case if shes doing this shit...

< JackThadeus > That much I promised him.

< vivitheg > of course, then we see a happy sony fan and PISSED OFF 360 FANS AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

< vivitheg > WOO.

< SonichuClone > YES!

< Ruby > You're so awesome Jack, you have the biggest cock

< vivitheg > (when he doesn't)

< JackThadeus > I know...

< Ruby > So honest...

<The_C_Man> SHit yeah, nigga got a WANG BANG

< Ruby > And humble...

< Ruby > Did you guys know Chris fucking shits himself 2

< Ruby > he's such a retard

< SonichuClone > DUDE!

< Ruby > lol ik

< Ruby > SonichuClone, you ready to be face sat?

< JackThadeus > Chris has 12 hours to comply before I call psn and report the both of us.

< vivitheg > shut up Ruby

< Ruby > lol

< vivitheg > you always gotta ask that

< JackThadeus > The video much be within 8 minutes of him begging me for his psn and humping/thrusting himself upon his console.

< vivitheg > of course, showing how loyal he is to sony

< Ruby > Jack, you are like an electrode

< vivitheg > that way we have something to hang over the head of 360 fans

< vivitheg > they have nothing

< vivitheg > we have chris

< vivitheg > yawn, i'm sleepy

< JackThadeus > So what did you think of clyde, my former lover, sonichu clone? mind if I call you SC for short?

< Ruby > we need some pep

< vivitheg > i liked cowboy better

< JackThadeus > w/e proceed please.

Ruby slaps SonichuClone around a bit with a large trout

The_C_Man is now known as Nigafingaonnatrigga

The_Mistress has joined #trolltrain4andhalf

< SonichuClone > He was a cool man; I enjoyed our conversations.

< SonichuClone > and smokin weed too. :)

<The_Mistress> Hello everyone.

<Nigafingaonnatrigga> Sounds like a tight nigga. Whatchoo talk about

< Ruby > lol

< SonichuClone > SC is cool; sounds like Soul Calibur.

< vivitheg > sup mistress, we got a newcomer here

< vivitheg > anyway jack continue

<The_Mistress> Oh really?

< JackThadeus > What have you conversed with clyde about awhile back?

Nigafingaonnatrigga is now known as NigaTriggaFinga

< JackThadeus > i'm blurry on the details

< JackThadeus > never told me while we were in bed/smoking weed.

<NigaTriggaFinga> Weed iz da BOMB

< Ruby > I love Soul Calibur

< Ruby > I am Talim

< SonichuClone > Shit about Chris, and whatnot. Yeah, this was about a year ago, the last time I talked to him.

< SonichuClone > I like the picture he shared on the net to deceive the retard.

< JackThadeus > If u could do 1 thing to chris, SC, what would you do?

< SonichuClone > really off-the charts.

Doubling Down on the Surprise Sex