An especial and effulgent thank you to my Santa, Beth in America!

Will you look at this array of sauces, relishes, unguents, dressings, flavorings, dips, coulis and pastes! All from BBQville, USA. I wanted something regional and local, and this is precisely what Beth sourced and got. I wish I was having a barbeque so I could invite her to it.

On top of this, every glass bottle, jar and dildo (yes, that's the proper and correct term for a long-necked glass bottle, what did you think I meant? The idea!) was carefully and securely wrapped not only in its own sheet of bubble-wrap but also inside its own ziplock bag. Not only is this a cost in its own right, but she must have spent ages painstakingly put the package together.

I should also like to thank her for her extraordinary patience. Because of my own administrative bungling, her package went to another address, not my home. That meant she had to wait days before I thanked her which I do now, from the bottom of my heart and, if these extra-strong, chilli-fire, mustard-thermic sauces she has included have anything to do with it, the heart of my bottom!

Please join me in crying out aloud: Hurray for Beth! Hurray for Beth! And, once more, louder, Hurray for Beth!