So I had thought of writing about the bizarre Cuckelodeon scandal, but it has already been covered in depth by plenty of others that have articulated much of what I would have wanted to say(and then some.) Once again, some predictably had to go reaching further down the rabbit hole and concocting some numerology conspiracy, which will serve as a straw man distraction that detractors can point to and make everyone who talks about it out to be kooks. Anyhow, I couldn’t let this story go without making a few passing remarks on the despair of what a PC shell of its former self that Nickelodeon has become.

So, it’s basically been established that Nickelodeon is subliminally and metaphorically promoting cuckold fetishism to unsuspecting youths(note: I’m using the term “youths” in the literal sense, as in children…not as in the media’s modern euphemism for feral black thug rioters.) Yet, it was not always this way. One of the most fortunate things about being a kid in the 80’s, was that it was the last era you could experience a fun childhood with a minimal amount of PC busybody interference.

My mother was always a morning person. So we would wake up early together and watch shows like Belle and Sebastian, a cartoon(adapted from a children’s book) which left such an impression that an indie band named themselves after it and became so famous that discussion of the cartoon is now likely to be met with bewildered confusion by people thinking you’re talking about the band. Speaking of which, never in a million years would it have been intentional, but could there be any more of a reactionary theme song than Belle and Sebastian’s “Get Me Away From Here, I’m Dying?” It even has that precious “old books” line.

Anyway, then there was Pinwheel, an innocent show filmed at the height of the multicultural window(it ran from 1977-1990) with it’s own theme song, one so catchy that I still occasionally have it stuck in my head, despite not having seen the show since 1986(until researching for this piece.) The diversity of the show’s cast was of the innocent variety, typical of those days and admirable. And who could forget Turkey Television?! A weird Nickelodeon program featuring zillions of brief and amusing skits. Few people seem to recall this show, but I have some fond memories of it. It was yet another Canadian entry in a similar vein as Kids in The Hall. When did Canadians become so politically correct anyway? They became boilerplate SJWs with full on hate-speech tribunals in less than 15 years from when shows like this and YCDTOTV were produced…

Ah yes finally, that brings us to the gold standard of 80’s Nickelodeon programming and my all time favorite show on Nickelodeon, “You Can’t Do That On Television.” This was another kids/teen sketch show. True to it’s name now but not then, the recurring torture chamber and firing squad skits it featured would never be allowed to air on any kids program today, in the post Columbine era. There was even a hilarious sketch where the schoolteacher and the rest of the class pull guns out of their desks and threaten to kill a student who wouldn’t stop talking…which aired without even a hint of controversy and was likely enjoyed by many. Some of my favorite sequences were the locker exchanges, where they would trade jokes and barbs with each other from inside the lockers(including some occasional fat jokes.) I personally first noticed the decline of Nickelodeon a few years after YCDTOTV ended, when they went all in on the unfunny, watered down, ebonically charged 90’s show, “All That.”

Witness this clip of classic Nickelodeon in all it’s glory and contrast it with the sad PC spectacle children’s television has become. None of this fun stuff could be shown to kids today, but it’s only a matter of time before Nickelodeon has some show centered around gay or transgendered kids struggling with discovering their(or is it “xeir?”) gender identities, and nobody at the network or in the media would bat an eye. That would be perfectly acceptable to them, somehow. Given that they already have adult film directors writing children shows which subliminally promote interracial cuckold fetishism….it isn’t much of a stretch at this point. Who is going to stop them?