SOME RULES OF COMPORTMENT FOR YOUNG GENTLEMEN.

- Never attempt stairs with a pipe clenched between the teeth;

- Trust your dog;

- Carry some sort of stick;

- Do not picnic near geese;

- Servants are like family, but more loyal and polite;

- Noble character should be covered immediately with Gold, in order to facilitate the theft of both;

- Remember the names of children, or at least their number and distribution;

- There is never too much drink inside a building;

- Names change; Remember footwear;

- It is not as unlucky to walk under ladders as it is to insult the men who work on them;

- Gentlemen never climb on ladders except in an emergency; In this event, the hands are used to lift as well as steady the climber;

- When the ploughman plods home his weary way, leave him alone;

- If the table setting is egregiously elaborate, use the wrong cutlery; If a guest at your table uses the wrong cutlery, do the same;

- The sea is a country, eventually;

- Your valet knows all; Be sure to send something home to his mother;

- When in the presence of greatness, carry a hat;

- Tolerate at least one large terrifying poacher;

- Poachers make superior Gamekeepers;

- The sun is always over the yard-arm somewhere (and a rogue beneath);

- Do not exchange amusing stories with your tailor;

- Raked gravel is a security system;

- Topiary hedges are a vaccination against the Devil;

- Pistols are only carried the morning after cards;

- Your chickens feed your falcon;

- Dry stone walls are complicated; Have someone competent attend;

- Yes, she probably is; Try to think about something else;

- The only place in which it is safe to get beastly drunk is your own house;

- The policeman is not your friend;

- Soldiers can be trusted with your liquor; Officers cannot;

- Reward the man who services your motorcar well;

- Anyone who is nice to you, but rude to a servant, is not nice.



Copyright Peter Heerdegen © 2007.