How do you keep your faith when you’ve been sexually abused by a religious figure?

How do you keep your faith when you’ve been sexually abused by a religious figure?

Despite being molested by a priest as a child, I had no contentions with religion or other religious figures – they weren’t the problem.

But for many people abused by a religious figure – a powerful person who represents Godly virtue – it has become, understandably, difficult to keep on following the institution that failed to take care of them and, in many cases, to believe them.

Personally, I’ve separated the two. I know the priest who abused me is not a true man of faith. And fortunately for me, I’m surrounded by good Muslim people who have shown that Islam has no place for predators.



Though it’s common to see ‘Muslim grooming gangs’ and #churchtoo used to tell stories of sexual exploitation, the problem isn’t religion. It’s individual men who decide to prey on the innocent. And to a much lesser extent, predatory women.


For me, the problem is people, not the wider network they represent. Religion is not inherently a bad thing.

But the problem also lies at an institutional level, as allegations are brushed under the carpet which in turn fosters a culture of silence – thus enabling abusers.

Writer Janet Heimlich, founder of The Child-Friendly Faith Project, believes religious beliefs and doctrines enable child sexual abuse.

‘There are three perfect-storm factors that identify a religious culture or community as authoritarian: one, the culture has a strict, social hierarchy,’ she tells Metro.co.uk. ‘Two, the culture is fearful. And three, the culture is separatist.’

‘The more intense these three factors are – the more authoritarian the culture is – the more likely children will be harmed.’

Zara* was assaulted by a priest. She felt like she couldn’t ‘snitch’ on the man who assaulted her as he was such a respected figure in the community.

But the assault didn’t dilute her Muslim beliefs and identity.

‘When it happened to me, I didn’t think anything that made my faith waiver, it was more me asking “how can he just get away with it?”.

(Picture: Ella Byworth)

‘And later in life, and now, my thoughts are more in line with “God will punish him one way or another”. I guess it depends on the individual.

‘Personally, I feel like faith is a massive portion of my life and personality. Any thoughts of abandoning my religion didn’t occur to me.’

Emily* is a child sexual assault survivor who was abused by her pastor from the ages of three to 11. The devastating experience completely changed her view of religion and now stepping in a church gives her anxiety attacks.

She tells Metro.co.uk about the strict, sheltered community she grew up in where the education of children was closely controlled and any outside influences were not allowed.

‘The church pastor and his wife were in charge and everyone had to listen and obey. Our parents were told how to raise their children and how to punish them. A lot of damage was done.



‘Back then I had no idea what was going on. Once my family moved away I completely repressed those memories and continued on with my life.

‘I had zero self-esteem. I hated myself and was in pain all the time. I was different from everyone else. I couldn’t make friends, No matter where I went the pain followed me.’

In her 20s Emily moved away, but that’s when the memories of her past traumas returned. A few years later she moved back home to care for her sick father.

‘One day I got to the doorway of the hospital and froze. There sitting by my dad’s bed and chatting with him was the pastor. The pastor got up to hug me. I just stood there. Frozen and terrified.

I finally used every ounce of strength I had and excused myself to go to the bathroom. As soon as I got there I collapsed on the floor, sobbing and shaking. The pastor talked to me like nothing happened. He recalled when I was younger and how cute I was.

‘I continued to unravel and had a massive breakdown.

‘The next day I told my parents what had happened to me. My mum was hysterical and my dad didn’t know how to process it. My abuser wasn’t just a random guy. He’d been [a friend of the family] for years.

‘My mum begged me to go to therapy and my dad begged me to go to the police. Which I did.

‘Everyone chose sides. My parents lost friends and I lost [people close to me] who sided with the pastor.’

Emily still has trouble sleeping and functioning normally but she is determined to tell her story so other young people can tell theirs.

In the process of it all, she has lost her religion but has some belief in God, she adds.


‘I believe there’s something out there. Whether it’s God or something else. An organised religion like Christianity has done so much damage to me. I don’t believe in it anymore and will never be a part of it again.

‘But it’s hard to let go of the rules I was raised with.’

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My own experiences haven’t changed my view of my religion, and I’m still Muslim.

Religion doesn’t propagate sexual abuse and for me, it would be a disservice to leave it altogether because of its transgressors.

After all, the biggest institution within which sexual abuse most occurs is the family – with 80% of abuse taking place within the home – this does not mean we should abandon the concept of family completely, though we may choose to cut ties with the abusive family member.

The people to blame are the abusers. Religion is a commonality between some abusers, a proxy through which they target children. It is not the cause.

However, followers of that religion still have a responsibility to create safe, healthy spaces for everyone.

We should safeguard children by having stringent vetting processes when it comes to letting adults spend time with them (with relevant qualifications), we should have open dialogue with young people so they know their options if lines are crossed, we should call out abusers as soon as they appear as such. We should believe survivors.


That’s how we can begin to fix the problem.

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