Head coach Marc Dos Santos with one of his many trophies Courtesy of CBC.ca

It’s a calm February afternoon; the sun is shining, the air is crisp, the remaining snow is crunchy, and MLS pundits have predicted a low finish for the Vancouver Whitecaps. Rinse, rinse, repeat. Only this time it’s different, right? The method is different: We have a new coach with an offensive and defensive scheme that almost mirrors his predecessor’s, we have 100 new players from 101 different countries, and any distractions have moved on to greener pastures. There is, however, still some uncertainty as to whether or not we can improve on last year’s 8th-in-the-West finish.

I’m going on the record: we will make the playoffs this year. Write it down, fold it up, put it in a pocket that you don’t normally use and at the end of the season I’ll tell you to look in your pocket and you’ll be wondering how I did it — an everyday David Blaine. We might have a slow start (might is a bit of a stretch) but we’ll have a strong finish to the season when a few of our needy positions are addressed. Since this is the 9th season preview you’ve read, I’ll try to mix things up. In this blog, I’ll be talking about things I’m excited about, along with a few oddly specific/lofty predictions. Feel free to jump in on the discussion! Disagree vehemently? Tweet @Hasslis2ndshirt. Agree with me? Tweet @Hasslis2ndshirt. Okay that feels like enough of a lead-in. Let’s get going, shall we?

Jon Erice is the player we’ve been missing this whole time.

Yeah he’s old. Yeah the Segunda Division isn’t the strongest league in the world, but with the speed we’re going to have in our front three it will be imperative to have a player who can get it to them in a timely manner. Enter the eye candy that is Jon Erice. Just look at this:

If that wasn’t enough, look at this one:

Yeah but we can’t just launch long balls to our stri-

Oh, okay.

We haven’t had this level of passing proficiency in our defensive midfield position since Pedro Morales dropped back so that he could actually touch the ball. So when our front three involves Ardaiz, Venuto, Reyna or Bangoura? Look out. I think we’ll see a lot of hockey assists from Jon Erice from diagonal balls played in front of our wingers. Oh, and something to look out for regarding Erice:

Hopefully this ends better than the last personalized jersey I bought.

Inbeom Hwang is going to draw a lot of penalties.

He’s going to be great. His highlights will get you excited if you haven’t already seen them. Seriously, watch them. But one stood out to me in particular. I’m picturing issues we’ve had in the past in terms of conceding penalties — the narrative in the past has been that an unfair amount of penalties have been called against us. But what if, the whole time, it has been our own darn fault? If this doesn’t bring up memories, then maybe you’re very good at repressing awful ones:

To all of you who are concerned with his size, I present you the above counterpoint. Yeah, he’s small, but he’s also going to be quicker laterally than any defender he’s up against. Alphonso Davies’ best skill was consistently getting past his defender, and I’d be willing to put money on us seeing that trend continue through Hwang in a more central location.

Last year we forced a lot of turnover. This year going to force a lot of turnovers

Wow, I’m clever. If you have issues with this headline, please don’t @ me. But the only people having issues with turnovers will be opposing teams coming into BC place or whatever we’re calling it. I detailed it in my previous blog, so I’ll spare you the load time with extensive gif-ing, but we’re going to press teams by making the other team make silly passes, and we’re going to create chances for ourselves. Previously, we’ve forced turnovers with individual hustle. The Mezquidas, Labas, Ghazals and Monteros can attest to that. This time watch out for multiple players pressing the ball by taking away passing lanes and opportunistically lunging for the ball. For what it’s worth, NYRB employs a high press system, and they actually set a record for most points in an MLS season. We know what happened in the playoffs, but hey, NYRB don’t spend a lot of money on players and have found a way to win. A lot. Here’s hoping that the Whitecaps can grow their own wings.

Weirdly Specific Prediction Time

This is going to be a fun, tumultuous season. The turnover on the Vancouver Whitecaps has been likened to an expansion team — and we know how our inaugural season turned out (but golly was it ever fun). So let’s get going with some predictions!

Former Whitecaps will score at least 6 goals against us. Between Waston, Kamara, Mezquida, Parker and Manneh, I have a haunting feeling… Marc Dos Santos will be sent off at least twice. He’s described himself as passionate, and we know how PRO feels about that. Montero and Ardaiz will combine for 25 goals this season. I think it’s an interesting scenario with Montero coming off of a full season. This should give ample time for Joaqin to show his stuff. Inbeom Hwang will draw the most fouls in the league. Call it a hunch. Whitecaps will have the best record for the second half of the season. Call it another hunch. Lenarduzzi will not make it to the end of this season. Call it a long time coming — I think the rug that they’ve swept issues under for over ten years is about to come off like a table cloth magic trick. We will concede 3 goals off of goal kicks. We’re going to go short for the most part, so expect a couple hiccups Kendall Waston will injure his hand slapping a teammate who scores on us. Felipe will end the season on the bench. I’m not so sure about how accurate his passing will be in this system. Dos Santos will swear in three press conferences. It’s okay, though. We’ll pardon his French.

So there you have it. I hope you’re as excited as me for the season to start.

Thanks for reading!

(You’re welcome!)