I’m not ready for work and white men in six hours. Especially after being surrounded by such beautiful brilliant queer and nonbinary folx, mostly poc, this weekend.

If even just one person in this entire company or city could get my pronouns correct I think I could maybe consider trying to think of this place as home.

I didn’t even realize how much pain I have been suppressing at least since I’ve been in Madison and probably longer until last night. I love and miss the people who love and care for me unconditionally and support me and keep me accountable to myself and to truth and I hate that I feel like I have to force myself to adapt to this shitty ass place with its ain’t shit people. Lol and like thinking that two years at least of my life is going to be in this mess is just like. Idek who I’ll become in the effort to survive this place and that is terrifying to me as I’ve only in the last year or two finally been recovering from the traumas that shrunk me into myself and made me hold everyone off. I’m scared and I’m tired and I’m lonely and I’m sad here. And I didn’t realize how strongly I felt until I got to share space with fam in nc this past week.