Trenton Johnson has known the pain of losing transgender friends to suicide, domestic violence and shootings. But when he heard Muhlaysia Booker had been killed, Johnson felt guilt.

Questions circled through his mind: Was Booker rushed to speak too soon after a vicious attack on her in east Oak Cliff? Could funds have been used to shelter her from the public?

"I feel like we let her down," said Johnson, a 36-year-old transgender man. "I feel like we here in Dallas should've done more for her."

Booker, a 22-year-old transgender woman, was gunned down last weekend, just a month after a large group attacked her in east Oak Cliff. Thousands have viewed video of her being punched and kicked at an apartment complex while a crowd of onlookers stood by.

A crowd of about 100 people gathered again Wednesday night at a park in South Dallas — this time to honor her life. They wore pink shirts and blew bubbles in her memory. Their sobs turned to laughter as the night went on and a DJ shifted from gospel music to rap.

But while the mood changed from somber to joyous, attendees maintained a common stance: Transgender people — particularly those of color — need better protection.

"We have to be our own support system because people don't support us," one of Booker's transgender friends told the crowd while she consoled another friend. "They don't support us at all."

1 / 5Candles surrounded photos of Muhlaysia Booker during a candlelight vigil in Dallas on May 22, 2019. Booker, a transgender woman, was the victim of an assault at an apartment complex in east Oak Cliff in April, and then was found dead in Far East Dallas last Saturday.(Vernon Bryant / Staff Photographer) 2 / 5Ashley Jordan (center) was consoled by Honey during Booker's vigil.(Vernon Bryant / Staff Photographer) 3 / 5A large gathering of mourners, many with candles and bubbles, attended Wednesday's vigil.(Vernon Bryant / Staff Photographer) 4 / 5Muhlaysia Booker's father, Pierre Booker, spoke during the vigil. (Vernon Bryant / Staff Photographer) 5 / 5Muhlaysia Booker's image was wrapped around candles at the vigil.(Vernon Bryant / Staff Photographer)

A fight for survival

For many transgender residents in Dallas and beyond, life is about finding support in a world where they face constant threats of violence.

Booker is one of at least five transgender people killed in the United States so far in 2019, according to the Human Rights Campaign. The organization tracked 128 killings of transgender individuals from 2013 through November 2018, and 82 percent of the victims were transgender women of color.

Those statistics underscore the experience of many in the black transgender community.

"That's why sometimes, you know, we're always on edge or quick to pop off, as people say, because you have to be ready at any given moment," said Naomi Green, a black transgender woman. "You have to be ready because where's the next attack going to come from? Whether it's verbal or physical, where's it going to come from?"

Green, 36, moved to Dallas from St. Louis in October. She works at Abounding Prosperity Inc., a Dallas organization that supports the city's black LGBTQ community. At Abounding Prosperity, she oversees Transparency, a program that provides support for trans people of color.

Whether in St. Louis, Dallas or elsewhere, Green said, the plight of black trans people remains consistent. There are daily insults and the potential for attacks. Many choose to live in isolation as a way to protect themselves. Others form what they call "gay families," in which an older member of the LGBTQ community offers support, shelter, wisdom and advice to younger members struggling with their identity or home life.

When that support is lacking, it puts trans individuals at greater risk for harm. Some even turn to sex work as a way to survive after they've been denied other opportunities.

"Your options are limited on how you're able to make money to be able to live and eat, and have a roof over your head and clothes on your back," Green said. "So you have to do what you have to do in order to make it."

Johnson agreed but said he wants to change the perception that all attacks against black trans women stem from sex work.

"And even if that is the case, no one's life deserves to be taken," he said.

Battles from within and outside the community

Johnson is a transgender black man who moved to Dallas several years ago from Buffalo. He said privilege exists between races in the transgender community, contributing to the disproportionate level of violence against black trans individuals, even if transgender people are marginalized as a group.

"White trans folks have access to things that black trans folks don't," he said. "They have access to money. They have access to better health care. They have access to better support systems. They just have better resources."

Leslie McMurray, transgender education and advocacy coordinator for the Resource Center in Dallas, agreed that there is a level of privilege for white transgender people. McMurray is a 60-year-old white transgender woman who made her transition eight years ago.

She has her hardships. She lost her first marriage, her house and her job as a radio host in California before she moved to Dallas. Yet she considers herself lucky. She doesn't deal with the additional burden of racism, which she said stacks oppression on the lives of trans people of color.

"There are a lot of doors that close to me, and I'm a white woman," she said. "So if you take someone who is economically disadvantaged and didn't have the advantages that I had growing up ... it's really easy for people to become desperate or to lose hope."

To make matters worse, those within Dallas' black trans community say they lack support from other black residents.

Green and Johnson said they battle rampant transphobia within the black community — often from black clergy. They're told their life is a sin or their existence is an agenda to emasculate black manhood.

They just want people to understand they were born feeling their identities.

"The problem is so many people preach choice," Green said. " 'Being gay is a choice, and you don't have to be that way.' And 'being trans is a choice.' No, I'm just choosing to live my truth."

1 / 3Naomi Green, a transgender woman, is shown at her place of work at Abounding Prosperity Inc. in Dallas. The agency serves the black LGBTQ community.(Ben Torres / Special Contributor) 2 / 3Trenton Johnson lip-syncs to "Glory" for the talent portion of the Mr. and Miss Black Trans International Pageant at the Dallas/Addison Marriott Quorum by the Galleria in Dallas.(Rose Baca / Staff Photographer) 3 / 3Senior minister Carmarion D. Anderson of Black Transwomen Inc. spoke during a candlelight vigil for Muhlaysia Booker in Dallas on May 22. Booker, a transgender woman, was the victim of assault at an apartment complex in east Oak Cliff in April, then was found dead in Far East Dallas on May 18.(Vernon Bryant / Staff Photographer)

Writing their script

Booker's death is one of several attacks against Dallas trans women in recent years.

Edward Thomas, 29, was indicted on an aggravated assault charge and is still in jail in connection with her April attack. Two other suspects were named in the attack, but they have not been charged.

Thomas hasn't been linked to Booker's slaying, and police are still investigating. No arrests have been made.

Carmarion D. Anderson, who identifies as a black woman "of trans experience," said death isn't new for the community but is particularly difficult when it hits so close to home. Anderson, a founder and executive director of Black Transwomen Inc., said there are several unanswered questions concerning Booker's death, which make the mourning period more difficult.

But she hopes that once time passes the trans community continues to stand together publicly against false narratives about them.

"If we don't combat that with showing up in a way that is going to really exemplify who we are, then society is going to continue writing their own script," she said. "And their script becomes their perception."