The Denver Broncos sold out most of their remaining single-game tickets this week in an annual summertime tradition, but fans who head to Sports Authority Field may be in for a few rude surprises at the gate (and we're not talking about Raiders fans). The team adopted a new security policy this year -- one that the NFL is encouraging all of its teams to implement. It essentially keeps guests from carrying any kind of bag at all. That means you'll need to Velcro your hats, gloves, scarves, extra jackets, sandwiches, blankets, cardboard signs, water bottles and foam fingers to your body.

In other words, the terrorists have won at Mile High.

"Fans will continue to be able to enjoy their tailgate activities in the parking lots and to do so with greater safety and the knowledge that their entry into the stadium will be smoother and faster," the team said in a June statement on the issue. "This new public safety measure is being successfully used at other large venues. The University of Michigan, Penn State University and Michigan State University do not permit any bags while the TD Garden in Boston only permits clutch bags."

Prohibited items include, but are not limited to:

10) Purses larger than a clutch bag. 9) Coolers. 8) Briefcases. 7) Backpacks of any kind. 6) Fanny packs (dammit!). 5) Cinch bags. 4) Luggage of any kind. 3) Computer or camera bags. 2) Basically any kind of bag at all that is larger than a crockpot. Are you getting the message here? 1) Seat cushions. Seriously. Because your ass could be used as a weapon.

But it's not all bad. Here is what you can bring:

5) Bags made of clear plastic, vinyl or PVC that don't exceed twelve inches by six inches by twelve inches (about the size of a lunchbox). Oh, and coincidentally, you can purchase official NFL team logo clear plastic tote bags that fit this requirement on the NFL or Broncos websites.

4) One-gallon clear plastic freezer bag (Ziploc bag or similar).

3) Small clutch bags, approximately the size of a hand, with or without a handle or strap, may be carried into the stadium along with one of the clear bag options.

2) Certain medically necessary items -- after proper inspection at a specific gate.

1) Your tail between your legs.

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