My Thoughts Before I Asked Her

A Poem by Ben Szuhaj

I had planned to meet her at 7:30. When she got there, I watched from a distance. I couldn’t do it. I was thinking. These were my thoughts:

Admittedly,

I was a little lost before she found yes

and must I say for the universe yes

I was lost yes

but didn’t I think how strange it must be to love a girl like wouldn’t that be nice I thought not like the work I did before there wasn’t life like this and flowers didn’t smell they bloomed but empty blooms with dust inside not glitter gold like yes but now I see it boom they burst I watch and there she stands her golden hair her back to me she’s waiting there for who-me-yes beneath the archway in the park I need to go to ask her now but wait I think I hold for would I fold in two and break and shake the silence of her sounding no it echoes in my brain I cannot go I wait instead and it begins to rain.

I wait but for a then my heart screams no!

go to her shout loudly as you run chant yes and think of how she yes-ed your lips the first time in her daisy-patterned dress you control your will you had your dream a month ago the hands pressed tight in sleep you know the cause you know I’m right and what more could you want? you’re right my heart we’re happy then and now and one day it’s true we’ll put our parents in the ground but we will still be ours older yes but happy still that’s what I want the happy part and her.

The rain increased my doubt did not before I had another thought I swallowed hard and sank my fears into my chest and yes-ed myself to her beneath the archway yes the rain was warm it fell down hard I nearly did as well I stood there shook beneath her smile the archway high she was dry and I dripped mountains on the ground and nearly shook to bolt the thought arising in my mind almost embraced I went to turn my face but then my eyes stuck on her dress the daisies patterned round the sides the golden glitter lay in them a promise made to me

intangibly

I did not wish to run.

I held there softly thanked the universe for what its worth the deal we struck to do my best to do the rest I almost wept right there and then I looked her down the soul to ask and yes she cried yes

I say yes.