Growing fears that Syria's civil war is spilling over into neighbouring countries are driving urgent discussions involving Turkey and Arab states about a tougher, joint response, including possible military intervention. A focal point is this weekend's Turkish ruling party convention in Ankara, which several Arab leaders are expected to attend. But old grudges, current weakness, and a tendency to say, "After you, Claude" when it comes to actual fighting seem likely to continue to undermine effective regional action.

Unlike in Libya – where Nato took the lead after the Arab League disowned Muammar Gaddafi – Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Qatar and other Arab governments that are demanding Assad's departure have been left to their own devices by the west. Barack Obama repeated his demand at the UN this week that the Syrian "dictator" stand down, but made no new move to achieve it. Hopes that Obama will take a tougher line if he is re-elected in November remain just that: hopes.

Paralysing divisions within the UN security council, where Russia and China have repeatedly blocked calls for harsher measures, show no sign of easing. Ban Ki-moon, the UN secretary general, spoke of a "regional calamity with global ramifications". Ban added: "The international community should not look the other way." But despite fine speeches, and reminders of the UN's legal "responsibility to protect", this is exactly what is happening.

Anger at this sorry state of affairs was voiced recently in Tehran by President Mohamed Morsi of Egypt, who insisted, to his Iranian hosts' discomfort, that the world had a "moral duty" to stop the Syrian slaughter. Speaking this week, Qatar's emir, Sheikh Hamad al-Thani, went further, proposing a military intervention.

"The security council failed to reach an effective position. In view of this, I think that it is better for the Arab countries themselves to interfere out of their national, humanitarian, political and military duties and do what is necessary to stop the bloodshed in Syria," Hamad told the UN general assembly. Countries should provide "all sorts of support", presumably including arms, to the opposition.

Direct military intervention in Syria by Arab countries remains extremely unlikely at present. But indirect, covert means are already being applied, and militarily weak governments continue to push others to act on their behalf. It was reported in July, for example, that Saudi Arabia and Qatar had induced Turkey to set up a secret "nerve centre" in Adana to direct military, intelligence, logistics and communications aid to Syrian rebels. This supposed operation may also have tacit CIA support. All the countries mentioned deny supplying arms.

Yet despite evident reluctance to get involved directly, the political temperature is rising as Syria's civil war spreads like an ink stain across a parchment map of the Middle East. Lebanon and Jordan fear political and social destabilisation amid an inexorable refugee tide. Reports from Iraq speak of repeated incursions into its land and air space by Syrian combatants. Syrian mortar shells landed in the Israeli-occupied Golan Heights on Tuesday.

Among all the neighbours, it is militarily formidable Turkey that is suffering the most, principally as a result of Assad's decision to offer Syrian bases and backing to Kurdistan Workers' party (PKK) fighters in their ongoing separatist struggle in and around south-east Turkey. Damascus's move followed the decision by the Turkish prime minister, Recep Tayyip Erdogan, to break ties with Syria, condemn the bloodshed and demand Assad's removal. In an interview last week, Erdogan said: "This regime will go. Bashar is politically dead".

The price of such enmity is high. PKK-related violence inside Turkey has now reached a 10-year high and is spreading, according to recent reports. Tuesday saw another attack in which six Turkish soldiers and one civilian were killed. Iran, Syria's ally, is covertly supporting Assad's Kurdish strategy, and this has led in turn to new strains in its relations with Ankara.

Turkey is being pressed by France to create and defend "liberated zones" along its border with Syria, an idea harking back to the Iraq "safe havens" of the 1990s and from which the US and Britain have so far distanced themselves. But while Erdogan will not act on the French proposal without UN or at least US and Nato backing, he may well be in the mood to hit back at Assad over his provocative support for the PKK. This weekend, several regional leaders opposed to Assad, including Egypt's Morsi, will attend Erdogan's ruling party bash. Expect ever more urgent plotting on the theme: Get Bashar.