My situation is not unique.

I am one of 3,000 laid off by Tesla on January 18th. One of approximately 7,000 layoffs in the last 9 months.

Before I started at Tesla, I was fortunate enough to have career options with some incredible companies, but the opportunity to bring a product as disruptive as the Model 3 to the mass market was too exciting to pass up. How often in your career do you get to work on a project with that much impact and visibility? So my wife and I sold our home, found the best school we could for our daughters, and relocated to a strange new place. I went off to play my part in changing the face of transportation forever.

To be honest, the job was awesome.

There was no precedent, no script, no instruction manual for what we were trying to do so we got to figure it out as we went. I built a team of over 225 smart, dedicated, incredibly hard working people in 6 months - it was crazy. We all worked insane hours to solve the puzzle we had in front of us. We were changing processes and workflow daily. There were reorganizations, comp plan changes, title changes, promotions, lay offs, terminations and everything else you've read about in the press, but in the end it was all worth it - we beat our delivery targets and achieved profitability. A lot of very smart people said it was impossible but we pulled it off - as a team. How cool is that?!

How did I feel when after only one year of employment, and only two weeks after finishing a successful 4th quarter we had dedicated our entire lives to, I was unceremoniously discarded along with 2,999 others? I want to be honest about that as well.

Part of me feels used up, bled dry and thrown away.

When a company requires as much of a time and effort investment as Tesla does, you can't possibly fulfill that requirement without also contributing a significant emotional investment. Who would dedicate that much of their life to something they weren't passionate about on a personal level? Who would relocate their family, work 80 hours a week, put off seeing their friends and loved ones, give up nights and weekends, cancel vacations, miss recitals, skip doctors and dentist appointments and be on alert 24 hours a day for something they viewed as "just a job"? Tesla represented much more than that to all of us.

When you do all that is asked and more, sacrifice so much in the process, and get cut without a single drop of emotion, you can't help but get that dirty "used" feeling. With all Elon said in his email to employees announcing the cuts, "I'm sorry" was a glaring omission.

Part of me is filled with guilt.

I was the leader of a fairly large team. I required the same things of them my superiors required of me. During the interview process and during countless all-hands meetings, I sold them on the mission: being on the right side of history and being a part of a team that was making the world a better place. I also sold them on the long term career opportunities that existed for them if they were a top performer at a company still in it's early days of scaling. They would sacrifice a lot but in the end it would be worth it.

To be clear, none of what I was saying was fake. I was one hundred percent authentic and I believed every word of it.

My team gave me so much! I've never been surrounded by a group of people that worked so hard! True team players. They handled the intense pressure and seismic changes in stride. They worked day and night. With every goal that was put in front of them, they found a way to hit no matter what it took, and (most of them) had a great attitude while doing it.

I was humbled to be one of them. It was an honor to be their leader.

Since the layoffs I've been plagued with guilt knowing how many of them are without jobs to no fault of their own. They thought Tesla was going to be their career - I told them as much. They believed in Tesla and they believed in me. Now they have no choice but to move on, and quickly. My heart goes out to every one of them, as well as a sincere apology for the manner in which they were let go.

The largest part of me is filled with gratitude.

My life experience has told me the only way to feel during situations like these is grateful. That may sound counter intuitive but I'll explain how I got there.

I looked back at all of the "down" periods of my life. Each one of them was miserable at the time, but was immediately followed by something incredible that never would have been possible otherwise. As a result I started actually looking forward to those struggles. To use a business term, the dark times were a leading indicator of a step function improvement in success and happiness!

Something great happens when you know getting knocked on your backside is a good thing. You start to get filled with gratitude every time you're down - at least I do anyway - because where would I be otherwise?

I'm grateful to Tesla for giving me the opportunity to be a part of something great, even if it ended poorly.

I'm grateful for the opportunity to lead such a great team and I'm grateful for the effort they gave me.

I'm grateful for the PHD level education I received in large scale problem solving and crisis management.

I'm grateful for being able to prove to myself I can be successful in different industries.

I'm grateful to have met and worked with so many talented, driven people in so many different departments all over the world.

I'm grateful to my rock star wife and two beautiful daughters for inspiring me, moving to a strange new place with me, and allowing me to go as far as I can to provide for them.

And finally, I'm grateful for being forced to look for what's next. If the patterns of my life hold true I will look back at this blog in one year, 3 years or 20 years and say "thank God Tesla laid me off, otherwise I never would have gotten here!"

Am I happy with how things went down? No. Am I an Elon apologist that thinks the man can do no wrong? Absolutely not. But if it weren't for his ideas and his mission I wouldn't have gained this invaluable experience, and I wouldn't be able to find out what comes after Tesla.

And for that, I am grateful.

One last thing. If you are someone looking for top talent please look through the group of people recently released by Tesla. If you are curious about someone please ask me. I'll give honest feedback based on my experience and interactions. I would love to help as many people find their next home as I can.