If you only watched the first half of tonight’s game, you would have assumed the rest of the season was a waste of time.

Hand the Broncos the AFC.

If you’d only watched the second half, well, you would have assumed the same thing. The only difference?

You’d hand the Broncos a top-ten draft pick.

And that was pretty much the game. It remains to be seen just how great this Broncos team is, despite the lofty predictions and expectations.

Crazy, stupid season.

The Positives

Peyton Manning wasn’t as accurate as usual, but he still managed to throw for three touchdowns and shred the Colts for 31 points. Most quarterbacks would have given their left (and right) testicles to have the sort of night Manning had. Julius Thomas is the new Antonio Gates. Our strong safety can beat up your honor student—actually a whole truckload of honor students. Our other safety is on pace for 32 interceptions. Bradley Roby is the next Chris Harris—meaning, he’s going to be a starter in this league. Dude can cover. More importantly (well, maybe not, but I wanted to seem dramatic), he can tackle like he’s playing safety. Looking forward to more of the same from DeMarcus Ware. The Broncos' running game was consistent. With Manning at the helm, that’s more than enough firepower. The Broncos won the turnover battle, and what do you know, they won the game. Ware had 1.5 sacks tonight, so let’s give thanks. But know that next week, Von Miller could get that many in one series. Brandon Marshall gets to the ballcarrier. When the Broncos play the Chiefs, I expect he’ll end up with 15 tackles.

The Negatives

Denver’s defense is better than it was last year, yes, but it's like they decided two quarters was enough time to build a reputation. This was not John Fox’s best night as a coach. It’s the first game, so let’s just pretend he was rusty and not as conservative as always. This just in: Doug Lee doesn’t believe in rust. Onside kicks are proof god plays dice. If you liked how the game started for the Broncos’ defense, then you must be a Colts fan. The Broncos were out of position and trailing linebackers galore. Lucky the Colts squandered the opportunity with a penalty. Demaryius Thomas was targeted 11 times and managed four receptions. That’s never a good thing. Too bad Britton Colquitt wasn’t suspended tonight, because he kicked like he was on the sauce. So you’re still telling me Isaiah Burse is the answer at returner? How can Adam Vinatieri be 55 years old? Tony Carter, sometimes the ball bounces your way. Sometimes the ball #$cking sucks. Andrew Luck is a good quarterback. What more is there to say?

The Who The Heck Knows