4. But in the Year of Our Lord 2016 a chorus of Hallelujah! rang out across the land of Australia. In a nation of Unbelievers where two thirds of the population did not believe in Him, where only 8 per cent of the people regularly attended church and where 84 per cent of the masses strongly believed that religion and the state should be kept separate, a handful of Believers within the coalition government brought God back to life. 5. And so he was resurrected, despite the wishes of the large majority of the nation. And so it came to pass that his influence did grow and did permeate all manner of life in the land, from the infliction of a possible plebiscite over same sex marriage – for how else could opponents of this abomination secure public funding to argue against it? – through to the increased funding of religious schools. 6. And throughout all of this it was also made clear that in a society that liked to regard itself as secular, His message – and the words of other assorted Gods, prophets and alien life forms inhabiting the body of Tom Cruise – would continue to be supported by taxpayers by allowing all religions tax-exempt status. 7. And across the land barely a whisper of protest could be heard that more than $30 billion annually in subsidies was handed out to these religious organisations, despite a Royal Commission uncovering decades of systemic abuse of children and parishioners by many of His followers. 8. And it was noted by a handful of cynical Unbelievers that the NSW greyhound industry was shut down for far less.

9. And even though the Unbelievers did grudgingly admit that many of these tax-exempt religions did practice admirable social work and make a contribution to the betterment of the society, their charitable work was far outweighed by the estimated riches they accrued. Behold, they whispered, the charity sector had earned $104 billion in income in 2014, with more than a third of them nominating their chief purpose to be the advancement of their religion. 10.And it was noted that Scott Morrison, the Minister appointed to solve a massive budget black hole not even Professor Stephen Hawking would dare approach, would never consider an obvious solution – to lift the tax-exempt status of religions and cults. 11.And very few other representatives of the people, with the exception of Senator Nick Xenophon and a handful of others, had the courage to speak up on behalf of the majority. 12.And not one of them dared to make a plea for these religious institutions to provide one shred of evidence to support the existence of their God, or to utter the timeless observation of science that absence of evidence is surely evidence of absence. 13.For they knew that the power and the glory rested in the hands of the religious right in the governing Coalition and that MPs like Kevin Andrews had become the true High Priests of Australia.

14.And so the Unbelievers simply shrugged their shoulders and conceded a review of the Charities Act – that could lead to religions paying tax like most businesses and individuals – would never really amount to much. And that it was far better to pray for other miracles, such as a Senate that passed legislation, a faster internet speed across the land and a human being to answer the phone when you called Telstra to lodge a complaint. 15.And thus it came to pass that in the Year of Our Lord, 2016, heavenly music did rain down upon the ears of all the Unbelievers. And that sound everyone heard was not a chorus of Angels, but a choir of cash registers ringing out in the pulpits across the land. Garry Linnell is co-presenter of The Breakfast Show on 2UE Talking Lifestyle.