Everyone is afraid of something, and we at the Human Echoes Podcast wanted to take a look at some of the more obscure fears that people have. All art has been created by Tony Southcotte.

Alektrophobia – The Fear of Chickens

Like their evil breatheren the goose, these fowl beasts no know fear. They would just as soon peck you to death as look at you. Led by Colonel Sanders, humanity has beaten back this menace.

Blennophobia – The Fear of Slime

Slime is everywhere. It slops down your dog’s face. It gurgles over rocks in deep caves of your Dungeons and Dragons campaign. These blobs of gelatinous horror seek only to cling to flesh. Some want to give you a big wet hug, others to turn you into more delicious jelly.

Chaetophobia – The Fear of Hair

Hair is weird. Everyone just seems to ignore the fact that jagged spikes of keratin stab their way through our skin. Sure, it can be stylish, but at what cost? There is a reason it has to be cut, slapped around, nearly drowned, and combed before it cooperates. Hair has to be beaten into submission lest it get ideas that it is running the show.

Dendrophobia – The Fear of Trees

The fact that hippies love trees so much is a warning to any rational human. These monstrous wood beasts outnumber humans with a population of a staggering 390 billion. That’s 55 to 1! If we don’t turn them into cheap housing soon, who knows what foul deeds they will get up to.

Equinophobia – The Fear of Horses

Let’s put aside for a second they have a penis measured in yard sticks and focus on the facts. Horses are enormous beasts that took down Superman. Any animal that can do what Lex Luthor never could should immediately be turned into glue and dog food.

Francophobia – The Fear of France or French Culture

Deep in the heart of Europe is a mythical set of people who subsist on wine, cigarettes, and snails. Their mastery of grapes is a gift to the rest of the world, but it is only a mask. Below the surface is a culture of mute clowns in striped shirts trying to trap you in ethereal boxes and hang you with invisible nooses. The only way to tell if they are a mime is to make them shower and see if their human make up comes off.

Gerontophobia – The Fear of Old People

The scariest part of this phobia is that we are all destined to become elderly. Eventually the world of technology will pass us by, and the hip youth will do things that are bizarre and disarming to us. We’ll struggle to interface with our crystalline bio-phlaben devices and sit in our wrinkled bitter old skin. Our breath will start to smell like old broccoli and our sex appeal fades as we become a sack of rotting entrails.

Herpetophobia – The Fear of Reptiles

Something about these scaly monsters is inherently terrifying. Maybe its the slimy look or the claws that could so easily rend a person. More than anything it is in their cold dead eyes. Stare into the eyes of a mighty crocodile and all you’ll see is prehistoric malice and hunger. That and the whole unhinging of jaws and swallowing their prey whole. Unless you were Steve Irwin in a past life, you probably carry this phobia.

If you liked this list be sure to check out the Human Echoes Podcast. We cover oddball movies for oddball people. You can find it on the sidebar to the right, or subscribe using some of the links here.

What are some of your phobias? Do you hate spiders and creepy crawlies? Hit up the comments below and maybe we will draw it!

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Tony Southcotte: Tony hails from the Rocky Mountains somewhere around the state of Colorado. Possibly raised by grizzly bears, this gritty denizen of the arena now spends most of his time grappling with Java updates and dysfunctional RAM. With not much fiction under his belt, it might seem tempting to bet against Mister Southcotte, but an impressive knowledge of everything from PVC pipe to psychedelic drugs makes Tony a storehouse of fiction waiting to hit the paper. Plus, you know, there’s the possibility of him ripping you apart like a grizzly bear.