Charit-me!

’Tis the season for giving, and remember, charity starts at home! Why give your hard-inherited money to someone who will squander it on gauche basic necessities when you can feel doubly good by both giving and receiving? Impress your neighbors with your philanthropic impulses without the aggravation of hurting your bottom line! At Charit-me.com, find a list of hand-selected “charities” that specialize in quietly funneling your vast wealth back to that special someone – yourself.

Color me red, white & blue!

This holiday season, make America great again by boycotting all goods made in China, Mexico, Canada and the EU. This statement of nationalist pride will also handsomely reduce your holiday expenditures. Delight in the rich variety of American manufacturing by gifting Crayola Crayons, Smith & Wesson assault rifles and bars of coal. Our exclusive catalogue includes two other small household items assembled in the midwest.

The Kim Jong-un Guide to Pyongyang and Environs

Paris. London. Berlin. So passé! This coming year, let the lovable portly “Rocket Man” guide you on a tour of some of the most ostentatious displays of kleptocratic wealth to be found in one of the world’s poorest countries! Your seven-day trip includes tours of several recently decommissioned, yet strangely functional-looking nuclear test and missile production sites. Package comes with signed photo of Kim Jong-un, President Trump and Dennis Rodman in bro-embrace!

The Ryan Zinke Christmas tree

Still searching for your holiday tree but hate the messy cleanup associated with those pesky pine needles? Then look no further! This popular Xmas tree comes entirely denuded of needles! Just bare scorched twigs recovered from an authentic California fire! Comes with a charred star for no extra charge!

VICTORY IS MINE

A wonderful board game inspired by President Trump’s Midas-touch career. What makes this game unique is that you never lose. Experience the rare pleasure of always winning. Discover the fun in declaring the most obvious defeats and ignominious reversals as unprecedented world-historical triumphs. Delight in disparaging any unlucky roles of the dice as vicious lies created by losers and enemies. In case of obvious defeat, throw tantrum, tossing board and pieces to the floor and declaring yourself the winner. Hail victory!

Let’s Go Europe with Steve Bannon

This is the ideal guide for your active traveler with an authoritarian bent. Partake in xenophobic chants while marching in the cobblestoned streets of Budapest. Indulge in an afternoon of gay-bashing clichés in bustling downtown Moscow. Or relax into millennial-old traditions of antisemitism while enjoying a borscht dinner in lovely Krakow. European history will never feel so real as you visit America’s closest allies!

The Apprentice: The Home Game

This home version of NBC’s highest-rated reality TV show OF ALL TIME allows you to bully your loved ones and terrorize your closest relatives. Fire mom? Sack sis? You get to decide!

Hillary dart set

Stuck trying to shop for Uncle Ernie, who rants from the basement that shape-shifting lizards were responsible for the 9/11 attacks? Or for Cousin Cal who wears a sandwich board declaring that Lee Harvey Oswald was a patsy for the Deep State? We recommend this fun new set of darts that comes with a wide choice of targets, including Hillary Clinton, Jim Acosta, and James Comey. We know Uncle Ernie and Cousin Cal are a tad excitable, so this strictly Velcro dart set lets them work out their healthy anti-government energies without endangering the rest of the family. Order now and get a FREE set of Robert Mueller targets, complete with his band of conflicted Democrats!

Barack Obama Destructo kit

This wonderful Lego-inspired kit comes with fully assembled achievements from the Obama administration. You get to dismantle all these carefully constructed sets. Unbuild elaborate creations piece by piece, or smash them to smithereens all at once! Fun for all

Well, that’s it! Let’s all hope for a white Christmas. MAGA!!





