So after being part of several infertility boards I have noticed a trend of pity me parties. Before you think I am a terrible person and don't understand anything, please hear me out. I am the first one to understand we all have hard days and need some encouragement...hell...I've even thrown the pity party on a board before (after finding out a friend was knocked up with baby number 3 and I had a "few" glasses of wine), so what if these boards had a pity party day where everyone can air their stories about why they are having a hard time, so those who need to stay away from those stories that week know to avoid the page that day? I know we day bad days can come at anytime and you may be 6 days away from the next pity party day but what about saying, "having a hard day, could use a few encouraging words".

One of the first steps in grieving is acceptance. Maybe because as soon as I went off birth control I knew something was not right, and was diagnosed pretty quickly in the grand scheme of things; acceptance came easily to me. After several emotional breakdowns, I really had to make that conscious decision that I could not live like this, so that is when I began to accept that kids may not happen. The more I just sat with that idea the more ok I became with being part of the Auntie Brigade. Elizabeth Gilbert talks about the Auntie Brigade in her book Committed; stating that Aunties are an integral part of the society because they are the ones their families can turn to in a bind. Often able to accrue education and resources precisely because they were childless, these women had enough spare income and compassion to pay for lifesaving operations, or to rescue the family farm, or to take in a child whose mother had fallen gravely ill. I have a friend who calls these sorts of child-rescuing aunties “sparents”— “spare parents” — and the world is filled with them. (Elizabeth Gilbert, Committed). Reading this lead me to think about my own family and my own Aunties; I was lucky enough to have two, one was actually my great Auntie who was never able to have her own children, and the other Auntie (my parent youngest sibling) who chose not to have her own children. Both have played major parts in my life, both being as loving and caring as any parent while being spoiling their nieces and nephews!