>be dunmer

>young and brash, 120th birthday

>get fake AE

>go to corner club

>see 36/36 altmer chick

>"hey babe, did you mantle dibella? cuz u r an n'wah god"

>it's a dude

>abort.gif

>says he's manny or something. and that im going to his dungeons

>rapeface.jpg

>run out of corner club

>fag jumps out at me

>"im darkstar, and im of the night!"

>lose my breath laughing

>hit with a flask of sujamma

>blacked out

>wake up later

>in dungeon

>ohshit.jpg

>chains on my arms

>manny is in to bondage

>ok, i can work with that

>daedric ruin, probably shrine to mephala

>other people there

>they pick up chains

>we walk down spooky hallway

>tfw this is molag bal shrine

>theres a table

>manny is there

>rapefaceintensifies.gif

>im strapped to table

>my body is ready

>manny pulls out knife

>my body is not ready

>manny stabs me

>wake up

>i was dreaming

>there i go

>in coldharbour

>prison food probably laced with skooma

>see old guy

>"im super-duper magical, and you will escape with great mystery!"

>lizard slave shows up

>lets me out

>i get a sword

>met female commander shepard

>ask her about reapers

>she has no clue what im talking about

>we go to a guy from monty python

>he tells us how to get out

>shepard tells me i need to stab things with my sword

>glad youre here to tell us these things

>we find old guy

>we skoom it 4e20

>wake up on stupid nord island

>dunmer girl asks me to save people

>ok

>bretons show up

>"for the empire, but not really"

>we kill bretons

>bretons kill nords

>it was a good day

>go to morrowind

>kill more bretons, plus dwarves and redguars.

>bretons raise undead

>indoril master summons ancient monster

>it kills the bretons

>it was a good day

>not high anymore

>old guy shows up anyway

>tells me to come to his dungeon

>oddly similar to manny's

>old guy says he wanted to be emperor

>he asked manny for help

>manny violated him too

>dem feels

>we go save shepard

>back in morrowind

>killing cultists

>almalexia makes me an ordinator

>got "wrath of the ordinators" in Morrowind

>now officially in a blood feud with myself

>turns out the cultists were boethiah cultists

>oops

>slaughter them anyway

>not a good day

>but lexie gave me a lamp so i have that going for me

>old guy shows up again

>need to find molag bal cultists

>ok, jauffre

>tharn contacts me

>i tell him imma get the staff of choas and rekk him, m8

>wrong tharn

>time travel problems

>he tells me manny violated him too

>we rescue him

>"ugliest princess ever rescued from a tower" -shepard

>old guy says we need the amulet of kings

>literally jauffre

>shepard thinks super-beard has it

>tharn knows where to find super-beard

>super-beard is a red guar, and loves swords

>we rescue super-beard

>super-beard says the blades have a key to the amulet

>literally baurus

>we go to valley of blades

>daedra can't handle me

>we get the key

>back in morrowind

>lexie wants me to help lizard slaves

>get to stab nazi thalomre

>reduced hist population

>it was a good day

>go to skyrem

>shitty king, everyones drunk

>shitty kings brother tries to kill shitty king

>dont know why i bothered

>shitty king congratulates me

>makes me his "arrow"

>just what i always wanted

>old guy calls me

>says we need to go to sancre tor

>literally jauffre

>the amulet is in sancre tor

>we go to sancre tor

>"when youre hiding things from the most powerful necromancer in tamriel, dont hide it in a tomb" -tharn

>meet manny again

>manny od's on skooma

>molag bal takes him

>we take the amulet of kings

>old guy says we should kill molag bal, too

>says we need to get everyone to attack

>i go back to skyrem

>shitty king got his country invaded by bretons

>not the same bretons

>these are reachmen

>they raise undead

>deja vu

>this time they have the monster

>ohshit.jpg

>we kill it

>ask shitty king to attack molag bal

>vanus galerion shows up

>asks me to attack molag bal

>working on it, m8

>says this is totally his idea

>we go to his shitty little island

>other people are there

>lexie wont leave mournhold

>hist stay rooted in their bog

>only leader we have left is the shitty king from skyrem

>see other leaders

>barely legal altmer chick (checked gender this time, lol)

>moody breton

>pretty jealous tbh

>shitty king throws a tantrum

>altmer chick too pretty to care

>moody breton mumbles something

>galerion blames this on me

>literally all he did was open some portals

>speaking of portals

>daedra show up, pour out of portals

>start attacking stuff

>we kill the daedra

>sadly, shitty king didn't die

>leaders still wont help us

>they let me an galerion attack coldharbour

>thanks

>intermission

>tharn tells me that i get to kill either oldguy, shepard or super-beard

>draw my sword

>YOU NWAH

>tharn tells me not yet

>they think i should go help galerion, theyll chill out for a while

>nwah

>go to coldharbour

>forgot to aim the portals

>lol

>molag bal is not impressed with our shotgun

>guy from monty python shows up

>takes me to city

>boring city

>could have been copied from oblivion

>monty python tells me to round up everyone that came with me and galerion

>i find bird man

>says hes the last king of the aylieds

>has crown

>is probably a bird

>checks out

>no corprus

>fighters guildmaster was a lizard slave

>birdking takes over

>i find galerion

>destroy chains

>galerion says thats it

>missionacomplished.jpg

>monty python shows up

>molag bal has more chains

>you dont say

>we attack molag bals fortress head on, why not

>about to stop planemeld

>molag bal shows up

>hurls shit at us

>meridia shows up deus ex machina

>god battle ensues

>we skoom it

>wake up

>birdking od'd

>no corprus

>old guy shows up

>we are going to kill molag bal

>ok

>walk up to molag bals fort

>find manny

>hes imprisoned

>not leaving anytime soon

>realize if i leave him here he wont escape

>wont show up in oblivion or daggerfall

>creates paradox, breaks dragon

>i free him

>paradox averted

>its killing time

>to review our options:

>commander shepard, savior of the galaxy

>super-beard, swordmaster

>old guy, started all this shit but has dumbledore voice

>i dont like harry potter anyway

>gandalf all the way

>YOU NWAH

>we sacrifice old guy

>this makes the amulet of kings like me

>i am super powerful

>unlimited amounts of skooma consumed

>run up killing everything

>fucking fingolfin shit here

>find molag bal

>tries to violate me

>fucking unleash chim on him

>we battle it out

>beat him

>its done

>superpowers subside

>skooma takes effect

>suddenly in meridias realm

>wildest trip ever

>shit floating, no ground

>meridia says she found my soul

>finally

>bitch keeps it "for safe keeping"

>remember monty python saying "here you go again!"

>wake up in breton land