A similar trend of unattractive meals is forming, I even put a filter on this one but still, no gravy. It tastes nice, I promise!

“The Mediocre Massalla Massacre”

The kinda curry you’d want to take home to meet your parents. The smart, quick thinking curry that would definitely succeed academically, just not on the cover of an internationally renowned fashion magazine. A cracking Tikka Massalla dish, sowwwsy and ricey. Can feed 2 people if followed explicitly.

Ingredients -

Diced Tikka Marinated Chicken 600g, we know from an earlier blog that ‘diced’ means cut up, this 'marinated’ is an unknown foe to me but I presume it means soaked. If you can master the pretentious art of Marination then feel free to marinate your own chicken and face in your own time, maybe whilst in the shower? The possibilities remain endless.

Coconut Basmalti rice pack

Tikka Massalla curry sauce, I used Pataks

Peas and any other vegetables you wanna throw in

Butter

Tools -

Frying Pan

Stirring Device

Cooker Hob

A little spoon (codename 'Teaspoon’)

How long it should take to prepare and cook - 25 minutes

How long it took me to prepare and cook - 40 minutes

My difficulty rating -

10/10

Instructions -

Grab your little spoon (codename 'Teaspoon’) and thrust it into your chunk of butter, remove; from the body of butter a little spoons worth and throw it down onto your frying pan. Make it known to the rest of the butter that eventually its time will come.

Turn on your cooker hob to a high temperature level, watch as the red ring of heat appears. Cast aside your fears and dive straight in. Lay your frying pan on this fiery circle and watch as the butter melts to lubricate the impending cooking of your deceased, curry soaked bird.

Place the before mentioned cut up bird into the frying pan and begin to cook it.

Cook it until it starts to go a white colour, I found this very difficult because of the marination changing the colour of it but you can just about tell when its going.

Give Peas A Chance and add your peas to the mix or any other vegetables you planned on putting in.

The chicken should hopefully cook eventually, this is indicated by a brownish colour and a clear, white center once cut open. It’s important to cook your chicken so its thoroughly white through and hot unless you enjoy spending time looking at food eaten earlier coming out of your mouth and into the toilet.

Add in your curry sowwwsssss and stir.

Now is the classic cooking demi-god moment where your pan looks like a volcano of flavour. Invite over any colleagues, housemates or future wives and enjoy the glory as they marvel in your heat driven food mixture.

The peas really stick out, don’t they?

Let this simmer in the pan for up to 10 minutes, simultaneously; cut the top off of your rice packet, and stick it in the microwave for 2 minutes.

Once the rice is done, put it on a plate, pour your curry mix on top and voila, The Mediocre Massalla Massacre is yours and your audiences to enjoy.

Not suitable for -

Vegetarians / Vegans

People with nut allergies (sauce dependent)

Chickens

Enjoy.

Jamie x