Chapter Text

Once again, Dipper awoke to a breakfast on his nightstand, though this time it was just a bowl full of cereal. He could hear electric surges from the hallway that grew louder as Mabel entered the room.

She still looked like she was in quite a bit of pain from the past three days worth of injuries, and she looked like she had barely slept at all last night. Still, she gave off a rather weak smile, showing that her dented braces were still cackling with electricity.

"Good morning!" she said weakly. "Time to start Dipper Day 4."

Dipper started to get out of bed and said "Mabel, you really don't look so good."

"Eh, I'm fine!" said Mabel, rubbing a faint wasp sting that was still on her cheek. "What matters today is what you..." she dozed off for a second before continuing. "What you want."

"Did you get any sleep last night?" asked Dipper.

Mabel said "Uh, not really. It was pretty hard to sleep with all the..."

Mabel yelped as a bolt of electricity surged through her body, transforming her into a rainbow-coloured blob.

"...that." said Mabel.

"Then you should just try to take it easy and get some rest." said Dipper.

The blob transformed into a pile of bugs, then the bugs turned back into Mabel. "Dipper, please." she pleaded, her tired eyes starting to well up. "I need to do this for you. I-I need to make it up to you."

Dipper said "I think you've put yourself through way more than you needed to as it is."

"Please, just one more day. Just let me make it up to you for one more day." said Mabel.

Dipper sighed and said "Alright, one more day. But promise me you won't get yourself hurt." before picking up the bowl of cereal from the nightstand.

Mabel smiled and said "I'll try."

They spent the rest of the day doing mostly safe activities indoors. Mabel tried to keep her promise of staying out of danger, but the fact that she still kept involuntarily transforming from the electric shocks, as well as her drowsiness, caused her to end up getting herself injured a few times, though most weren't that serious. Dipper had offered to help her treat her black eye, her swollen cheek, her injured leg, or any of the other injuries she had gotten over the last couple days, but Mabel brushed it off and adamantly insisted that they could wait until tomorrow.

Sometime in the early afternoon, the electric shocks had finally stopped happening and Mabel was able to control her shapeshifting again. Though relieved, Dipper suggested that she should take this opportunity to get some rest, but Mabel declined.

"How am I supposed to do everything you want and not be the worst sister ever if I'm asleep?" said Mabel. "Besides, if I went to sleep now, I'd probably screw up my sleep schedule, or whatever it's called."

Dipper was uneasy about his sister not getting enough sleep, he knew from experience that bad things often resulted from sleep deprivation, but he didn't seem to be able to convince her to get some rest.

Dipper did appreciate Mabel trying to be more careful for herself compared to the past three days, and he did have some fun doing stuff with her, like watching movies and playing board games.

At night as midnight was approaching, Dipper yawned and sat down on his bed. Soon, a swarm of rather bruised and injured bugs slowly made their way into the room before forming into Mabel.

"So," she said, visibly struggling to stay awake. "What did you think of the Dipper Days?"

Dipper said "I really appreciate you doing it for me. Really, I had fun with a lot of it. But I think you took it too far."

He winced at all the injuries all over her body before taking a look at his completely unscathed arms and legs.

"Is there a reason you put yourself in so much danger these past four days?" asked Dipper.

"I was just making sure you didn't get hurt." said Mabel. She sighed and said "And like I said the other day, if you suffered for three days while I get what I wanted, it's only fair I suffer for four days while you get what you want."

Dipper said "I know that's part of the reason, but I can't help but think there's more to it than that." He was trying to carefully choose his words.

Mabel frowned. "Well, I can tell you, but are you sure you got time for it tonight? I don't want to ruin your day by spilling my guts about how awful I've been feeling."

Dipper said "If spilling your guts will make you feel better, there's nothing I want more."

Mabel said "Alright." and sat down next to Dipper on the bed. "Part of the reason I've been letting myself get so beat up, is 'cause... because it feels like it's the only way I can think of to..."

She paused for a moment, apparently debating how to word what she was going to say next.

"It feels like the only way I can think of to get punished for everything I did, to get what's coming to me." said Mabel, closing her eyes.

Dipper placed a hand on Mabel's shoulder. "Why do you think that?" he asked with concern, though he suspected he already knew what she was going to say.

"Because I caused the apocalypse!" said Mabel, tears forming in her eyes. "I-I mean, that's not the only terrible, horrible, awful thing I've done, not even close, but it's the biggest."

It hadn't been the first time Mabel had admitted to her role in starting Weirdmageddon. No matter what Dipper said to try to convince her that it wasn't all her fault, she still found a way to trace the blame back to herself.

Mabel continued, as the tears started to run down her cheeks. "I was just so stupid, and rotten, and selfish, and careless, and dumb, and awful, and terrible! I nearly ended the world, I nearly killed everybody, and I didn't even care. All I cared about was that I was happy, because I'm such a stupid, rotten, selfish, poop-for-brains who just makes everybody's lives worse!"

She choked back a sob as she said "So many people suffered because I'm such a terrible person. It's a miracle nobody died because of me. G-Grunkle Ford got kidnapped and Bill did something really bad to him, and he could've done something really, REALLY bad to him, and I could've undone the one good thing I did all summer! And Grunkle Stan, he gave up his memories to fix the awful thing I did, and he could've lost them forever. And I don't even know what awful stuff happened to everybody else because of me."

Mabel turned to Dipper, breathing heavily as more tears poured down her face. "And y-you, you were a-all alone for three days in an awful monster-infested wasteland, and you were only twelve, and hungry, and scared, and hurt, and tired, and hiding all the time from those horrible monsters that I let into the town, and you could've died, and it would've been all my fault. I could've killed you."

"And the whole time, all you cared about was where I was, whether I was safe. Even when you were so hurt and in so much danger, you always put me first. But did I care about you? No, not at all! I replaced you, and I completely forgot about you as long as I was in my stupid happy little bubble. And when you came to the bubble, I wouldn't even leave to help fix my stupid, stupid mistake until you gave up your dream for me. And I did all that, and I'm your sister! I'm technically even the older sibling by a few minutes. I mean, what kind of big sister does all that to her little brother? What kind of big sister doesn't even care that she could've killed her little brother?! I mean, I just- I don't-"

Mabel was unable to form words and just broke down into a loud, messy sob. Dipper wasn't sure what he could do or say to help, so he just gently placed a hand on his sister's back as she blubbered tears onto the floor, managing to sob "I'm so, so sorry!" once or twice. Her nose was dripping with runny snot as she repeatedly sniffled.

After a few minutes of sobbing, Mabel looked up, her tired eyes red and dry. Her swollen black eye looked particularly unsightly from a combination of swelling, sleep deprivation, and crying. She looked down and sighed, saying "I should've gotten sucked into that portal." in a quiet voice.

Mabel closed her eyes and said "Everybody would be better off if I did."

"No, they wouldn't." said Dipper. "You made some mistakes, everybody has, but at the end of the day, all of our lives are better because you exist."

"That sort of reminds me, I have another confession I'd like to... well, confess." said Mabel, rubbing a bruise on her arm.

"Go ahead." said Dipper, patting Mabel on the back.

She sighed sadly and said "Well, back when Weirdmageddon was still... still going on, and after we found out that I turned into a swarm of bugs, I had no idea if there was any way to stop it. But I thought about it, and if there was a way to stop it, I was pretty sure that when everything went back to normal and all the weirdness that Bill created got erased, I was gonna get erased too, since staying in that stupid bubble for so long turned me into one of his creations, or how ever it works. Like, really totally erased. More than dead, no ghost or anything like that, just completely gone. You know?"

"But you didn't get erased." said Dipper, in an attempt to be reassuring. "You still exist with us."

"I know I do, but that's not really my point." said Mabel, looking down at her feet, and at the mark the bear trap left on her leg three days earlier. "I knew I was probably gonna get erased when the world got saved, but I decided it was more than worth it if it meant that my awful mistake would get fixed. I didn't tell you or anybody else about this because I thought that if I did, then you... wouldn't want to stop the apocalypse, if it meant losing me. Sorry for not telling you before."

Dipper sighed as he listened. She had probably been wanting to get this off her chest since last summer. He tried very carefully to pick the right wording for what he would say next.

"Well, hey," he said, "that doesn't sound selfish at all. I mean, if you were willing to sacrifice your entire existence to help fix things, that's actually pretty noble of you. It was probably a pretty scary thought, but you-"

"But that's the thing, Dipper." said Mabel. "It was definitely scary, sure, but it didn't seem nearly as scary as it should. Because... because I wanted to be erased."

Dipper was immediately taken aback. "Re-really?"

"Yes." said Mabel. "I just felt like I was the worst person who ever lived, like I didn't deserve to exist, and that the whole universe would be better off if I was just gone. I mean, I knew it would probably hard for you and the others to lose me, but I thought in the end you'd all be better off. Not just that, but I just didn't want to exist anymore. I just felt so icky and awful and guilty all the time that I just wanted to be gone. Be nothing at all, not even the tiniest speck. I just wanted to disappear, t-to stop existing and never exist again. To just be the universe's forgotten mistake."

"Do you... do you still feel like you don't want to exist?" asked Dipper.

"Not all the time anymore, but every once in a while." said Mabel. "Anyway, when we... I mean, when you and the others managed to stop Weirdmageddon, and all the weirdness started to vanish, I was scared at the thought of disappearing forever and ever and never seeing you or anybody else again, but I was also just glad that my stupid awful mistake had gotten fixed, so I was just kinda ready to go, I guess. So when everything had gone back to normal and I realized that I still existed, I figured it was for a reason. I decided that the reason was that I still had a lot of stuff I needed to make up for."

Dipper patted her on the back again and said "Look, Mabel, I know you've been feeling guilty since last summer, but you can't keep blaming yourself over it forever."

"I know, and I don't feel quite as horrible now as I did back then." said Mabel. "I don't really think I'm the worst person who ever lived anymore. Probably only in the top ten." she added half-jokingly. "But still, I really, really, REALLY messed up, and I have a lot to make up for. I'll probably be feeling guilty and trying to make up for everything for the rest of my life, but that's okay."

Dipper said "Mabel, I get that you feel like you have to make up for everything, I know the feeling, but you can't keep beating yourself up for it." He quickly regretted his word choice, considering what had happened the past four days.

"But it just feels like I didn't get any punishment for all the awful things I did." said Mabel. "It just feels like everybody else suffered but me, the one who really deserved it."

"Well, uh, you did get turned into a bunch of bugs." said Dipper nervously.

"Eh, that had good parts and bad parts, it doesn't feel like a harsh enough punishment." said Mabel.

"I don't want you to feel that way, but I know you might be feeling that way for a while." said Dipper. "And it might be a while before you stop feeling that way. I just want to say that I forgive you, even if you don't want me to forgive you, and that I hope one day you'll be able to forgive yourself, even if you don't think you deserve it."

Mabel managed to crack a very slight smile and said "Thanks, Dip. You know, I know you'd never hate me, or blame me, or get really mad at me for all the bad stuff that happened, but sometimes I just sorta, I don't know, kinda wish you would? Just to feel like you know I did something wrong. I just sorta want somebody to be mad at me for it, at least for a little while."

"Well, you did kinda get struck by lightning yesterday. Maybe that's a sign." said Dipper.

"Yeah, maybe." said Mabel, letting out a very quiet giggle. She still had some singe marks from that incident. "So, what did you think of Dipper Days one through four?"

"All the bad stuff happening to you aside, I had a lot of fun." said Dipper. "I really appreciate everything you've done to make me happy, even if I didn't think it was all that necessary. So, thanks a lot for it. I do have one more thing I'd like you to do." said Dipper.

"Sure thing. What is it?" asked Mabel.

Dipper smiled at her and said "I want you to go to bed and get some rest, as much as you need. Take it easy for tomorrow, and maybe the next few days too if you need. Really, take care of yourself, okay?"

Mabel gave Dipper a tearful smile and said "Sure thing, bro-bro. I just want you to know one more thing for tonight. You're the best brother I could ever ask for, I know that now, and I'll never, ever, ever take that for granted again. I'm serious, not even a thousand years from now, when I'm in whatever afterlife bugs go to and your brain's frozen somewhere because they need your smarts to stop the robot invasion in two thousand years. Okay?"

"Okay." said Dipper, and the two happily embraced in a firm hug that lasted several minutes. Soon, Dipper heard a gentle snoring and opened his eyes to see that Mabel had fallen asleep in their hug. She soon fell apart into a pile of sleeping bugs.

Dipper carefully took an armful of bugs and walked from his bedroom to Mabel's. Mabel's bedroom was still colourful and glittery like it had pretty much always been, but there were also various pictures and drawings of insects and other bugs on the walls. Dipper set the armful of bugs down on Mabel's bed. He made a few more trips until all of the bugs that Mabel was composed of were sleeping on her pillow. When he was done, he gave the bed a pat and said "Sweet dreams, sis. You've definitely earned them for at least a month." with a smile before walking back to his own bedroom.