How to Determine Whether Someone is a Nazi so You can Punch Them Solipsis Follow Feb 4, 2017 · 3 min read

In my years of political activism I’ve learned one thing, and one thing only: nazis are everywhere, and they need to be punched. You’d really be surprised how common nazis are. And don’t fool yourself — nazis and kkk guys come in every color and gender, despite what you’ve been told. Yes, there’s a nazi around every corner, so keep your fists clenched and your eyes open.

Before we jump ahead, I’d like to elaborate on just how crucial it is that nazis be punched, and why I do it.

The Holocaust

In the holocaust, a lot of people died. Really bad things happened. It was very important. No joke. Why did the holocaust happen? Nazis. All holocausts are caused by nazis. That is why you must punch nazis. If you don’t punch a nazi you could be letting a holocaust happen right now.

How to Spot a Nazi

Nazis are typically white guys, usually outspoken, opinionated — again, don’t be fooled. It’s the girl nazis, and the Black or Asian nazis that we mustn’t let slip. This is important. When we allow people of color to be nazis, we set a precedent for other people of color to adopt nazi beliefs. That’s not acceptable. It doesn’t matter who it is, if they’re a nazi, you knock them to the floor. We have principles, and we must stick by them.

You can usually tell if someone is a nazi if you see them doing something like denying the wage gap, downplaying the existence of institutional racism, or being in any way opposed to communism. Nazis are notorious anti-communists. Nazis also have pride in their country, so any kind of pride is a sure red flag. Now, I understand that some people have hesitations about punching a perfect stranger, but I simply implore you to get this in your head. I cannot stress this quite enough: Nazis are sociopaths. They cause holocausts. It’s OK to knock them the fuck out. Don’t hesitate, don’t ask questions. The worst thing you can do is give a nazi a chance to speak. Do you really want a holocaust on your hands? Knock ‘em out cold, slugger.

Nazis like to disguise their hate speech by calling it “reason”, or “an argument”, or “a different opinion”. But don’t be fooled. You’re much smarter than that. Knock that motherfucker into oblivion. You may be thinking that it’s dangerous to cause a person possibly fatal head injuries, but letting a nazi express his or her self is much more of a threat. Holocausts are worse than a measly little concussion.

Methods of Nazi Punching

Feel free to get creative with your protest methods. Remember, your objective is to stop nazis from speaking. Punching them often works well, but sometimes you need to do a little more. To be perfectly honest, it doesn’t matter as long as you achieve your result. Here I’ve compiled a list of my favorite protest methods.

Punch the nazi

Pepper spray the nazi

Beat the nazi with a bat or metal rod

Throw rocks and stones at the nazi

Safely Silencing Nazis

Being on the right side of history can be hazardous work. Here are some safety precautions for you to remember while you’re out there preventing genocides.

Always travel in a mob. Never attack a nazi you don’t outnumber at least tenfold. If alone, target female and young nazis, or elderly nazis. Never attack a nazi your size. Always attack from the side or from behind, then proceed to run away without facing any consequences.

Changing the world is a tough business, but you can be fully certain, every time you violently assault someone you are making the world a better and safer place. Nazis will stop at nothing to express themselves and cause the holocausts that result from that. So you must stop at nothing to make sure nobody is allowed to express their opinion, unless they’re a communist, because communists are never nazis. But anyone who isn’t a communist could easily be a nazi. Safer to keep them all quiet, unless they express a very specific set of acceptable views so that you’re sure they’re not a nazi. If they don’t express your views, safer to simply intimidate them with violence, because they’re probably a fascist.