(This is part 3 in a series about some guy who accidentally sent me a demo of his new rap song. Read part one to hear the original song and read the great advice I gave him. Read part two to hear the verse I sent him after he asked how my contribution to the song was coming along. I’ll wait until you get back… Hey! How was it? Crazy, right? You should, like, reblog all that stuff. Anyway, here’s part three.)

I think Brian’s confused, you guys:

Okay, so I was totally going to tell him that I’m not the right Alex. Seriously. You have to believe me, gang. But I just fell in love with that verse I recorded! I’ve been playing it non-stop at full volume since the moment I finished it, and I gotta say, it’s really starting to grow on me! I mean, if you take a killer beat-waffle like that and drizzle some sweet lyrical syrup all over it, you’re going to be eating breakfast 24/7! (This is a great metaphor!)

So now my goal is not to simply fun with this guy. (“Fun with” is a family-friendly alternative to “fuck with.” Do not read this parenthetical out loud to your kids!) It’s to get my kick-ass verse on that sweet-ass mixtape of his. Whether you want asses to be kicked or asses to be sweet, this verse has something for everybody.

Of course, this means I have to maintain the subterfuge. There’s no way he’ll put some no-name’s verse on his mixtape. Here’s my attempt to convince him that I am the right guy:

Hey,



Yeah, sorry about that, man. I probably sound kinda weird because it’s been a crazy couple weeks. My schedule has just been packed with all the unique things I usually do. You know what I mean, of course. I mean the stuff everybody knows is the sort of thing I tend to do on a daily basis. If somebody asks me what I’m doing, all I have to say is “The usual,” and they know exactly what I’m talking about. I was doing that.



So the stress of doing all those typically Alex-esque things kind of got to me, and I got a bit of a cold. That cold developed into a sore throat, which was compounded by the minor personality change I experienced after my secret head injury. So if I sound like a deranged version of myself, it’s because I was sick, and also slightly deranged. (I should note that due to my personality change, I occasionally say mildly racist things for no reason. Italians are kind of loud. Oops, there I go again!)



Also, I didn’t actually have my verse ready, but I felt like I had to send you something, so I recorded it in about 15 minutes. Unfortunately, my MacBook Pro is on the fritz due to all the Family Guy porn I downloaded (post-head injury!) so I had to buy a shitty old Compaq Presario with a bootleg version of Windows ME on it from a pawn shop. I couldn’t find my nice microphone (probably stolen by a Puerto Rican [again, head injury]) so I had to record it using an Xbox headset held together with duct tape. To make things worse, I edited it with Windows Movie Maker, which is a terrible program for making movies and, it turns out, an even more terrible program for making rap songs!



Obviously, the lyrics and flow were perfect, but I can understand why it might sound not quite up to Alex standards. Hopefully I can get my MacBook working again, or maybe you can work your production magic so it sounds exactly like how I usually sound. The verse I sent you was an audio rip from my Windows Movie Maker movie, so maybe if you get to see the video, it’ll connect a little better. We could even include as a bonus feature on the concert DVD!



If you still have concerns, please let me know.



Alex



P.S. Please keep in mind that I did have a very serious head injury. Irish people drink too much. Dammit!

And here is the WORLD PREMIERE of my awesome Windows Movie Maker music video!!!

Wow, that was terrible… ly awful! But hopefully it’s enough to convince him my verse should stay on the track.

Please stay tuned for more updates. I might have something fun for YOU all to do!