You know the saying “life is what you make of it?” Today, that saying hit me harder than usual.

My belief leveled up Pokemon style. It went from an understanding that it was true to a realization. The difference being that an understanding sounds good on paper and seems true, but there may be a doubt or two. Not only that, your subconscious mind hasn’t accepted it as true.

A realization is a definite knowing. It is a combination predicated on understanding and experiencing it to be the truth. One might call this an awakening of sorts. Your subconscious mind is also on par with this realization so that makes moving forward with it easier.

So I asked myself “How did this realization make me feel?”

The initial feeling was anger with blips of happiness smattered in between.

The anger comes from being lied to.

I was initially angry at society and my upbringing. Being heavily indoctrinated in many things that I would have never chosen for myself nor my future kids completely burned up my insides.

As I sat at my desk while this realization hit, I quickly hurried outside as I could feel the rage bubbling within. I’m not ashamed to say I took myself behind my old man’s woodshed and let out one of the most fantastic Dragonborn Fus Ro Dah’s I could muster. I was hoping for the shed to collapse but no dice.

So the notion of blaming anyone else, including myself, was quickly released by being in the present moment. As I looked around, I realized that I have the power to rewrite my own story until the day I physically can’t.

Though I released everyone from any form of blame for the current state of my life, there was still copious amounts of anger within. I feel like this anger has been buried within my body and psyche for a long time. This would explain the four years of anxiety and depression that have haunted my existence.

I also see how these mental health issues have been my greatest teachers and so for that, I am grateful.

The two major things this realization has lead to is designing the life of my choosing and separating my passions and hobbies. I will be covering my process below.