I was a high school sophomore sitting in World History when the teacher came in crying, shocking us with the news of the 9/11 attacks.

I was in the very class where we learned about all of the world’s different religions and cultures, a class where I even answered questions on Islam and demonstrated a few dabke moves.

I don’t remember being overly scared or worried on a personal level after 9/11, even though we started hearing about the rise of Islamophobia across the country with Masjids and individuals being attacked. The most I ever had directed at me was people at work jokingly calling me “Taliban” or “Bin Laden.” (A fifteen year old working at the local IHOP didn’t yet understand the potential repercussions of those simple words). Despite the rise of Islamophobia, there was always a sense of assurance that in the United States, regardless of your faith or culture, you were a part of America, and as long as you abided by the law and didn’t become a terrorist (broadly speaking) you were safe. I wasn’t scared, nor was I worried.

Flash-forward 15 years to a world after wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, an Arab Spring that changed the landscape of Arab countries overnight (Syria being the most impacted with 225,000 casualties and 4.2 million refugees), Snowden leaks, a Russia-Ukraine conflict over land, an Israeli-Palestinian conflict farther from peace than ever, the rise of a rogue terrorist organization/wanna be country/evil bastards called ISIS/ISIL/Daesh, a cancer hurting the entire world, and most recently a horrific and tragic attack against Paris that left over 129 killed.

Now, I’m worried.

I’m worried about the number of people that are advocating for not helping their fellow human beings in need, regardless of where they came from and what their faith may be. I’m shocked and disappointed that we have become a nation that is giving into fear, making us choose a false sense of security over helping our fellow man who are running from war-torn lands, who have no homes to go back to, who are running from a tyrannical regime led by an oppressive dictator, who are trying to get to anywhere else in the world solely for a chance to stay alive because they know they will die if they stay there. I can’t help but remember the stories of heroism describing Germans sheltering Jews during the Holocaust, putting themselves and their families in extreme danger in order to help their fellow man. More so, I’m worried that legislation is realistically in progress to block a specific group of refugees who are among the most in need, and was voted in favor of by two-thirds of our elected officials, essentially going against the ideals upon which this nation was built. While the United States is shutting its doors, France, the country that was attacked only one week ago, has promised to welcome 30,000 refugees.

I’m worried about the rise of attacks against Muslims and the increased rise of Islamophobia by people who are succumbing to hate and fear-mongering because a small number of empty, lost, and evil people, who claim to be Muslim yet have hijacked Islam and are committing despicable acts across the world against the innocent.

I’m worried because the consistent and repetitive condemnation of the terrorist attacks and the organizations that commit them by Muslims, whether it’s leaders, organizations, or individuals, are falling on deaf ears. All the Muslims speaking out against Daesh is still not enough for people to see that these terrorists are not a representation of Muslims even when Muslims consistently state #NotInMyName.

I’m worried that a candidate leading in the polls is advocating for Muslim identification programs giving me an eerie sense of the evil Nazi Germany. Even our country has a history of blaming generations of Japanese-Americans for the actions of a foreign entity and taking action against an entire race by eliminating civil liberties and issuing a collective punishment.

I’m worried that loving this country and also criticizing it’s politics and policies has become mutually exclusive for Muslims and Arabs, where the first response you hear is “if you don’t like it, leave.”

I’m worried because I can’t (and I don’t want to) go anywhere else. Besides the fact that I’m an American citizen (with no dual citizenship), where else can I go? I can’t go to Palestine because as an Arab and Muslim, I’d be subjected to a harsher life full of restrictions and lack of freedom and mobility (and yes, even as an American citizen). I can’t go to the Gulf because I couldn’t justify living in countries full of rampant corruption where unless you’re a citizen you’re considered second class and are at the constant mercy of citizen “sponsors.” Even worse, these countries are built on a legal and modern form of slavery. I can’t pick up and go to Europe because the anti-Muslim sentiment is growing there as well. I can’t go to Asia, Africa, or Central America.

My family is here. My friends are here. My life is here.

Whenever I’d go overseas, most people you met talked about wanting to come to America because of the opportunities, the freedoms, and most importantly the respect from the people and the government. While I have my own beliefs on these issues such as race relations and income inequality, the United States is still one of the best places to live in the world.

I’m worried about the people that I know personally, who I went to school with, worked with, that seemed so welcoming and friendly are coming forward as people who are hateful and racist towards a specific group of people: specifically, Muslims and Arabs.

I’m worried for my mom, my sister, and my fellow Muslim sisters who can easily be identified by their hijab and can potentially become victims of racist hate-filled attacks. For men, it’s easier. There might be a pause or doubt that creeps in before attacking a man. Muslim women have more obvious identifiers. I’m worried for them as they go fill up gas, or go grocery shopping, or spend time at the mall. An attack could happen during a routine coffee run, a priority where my sister is concerned.

I’m worried that the next opportunity I have will disappear because of my name, my race, and my faith. I already believe I was rejected from many jobs and opportunities I was qualified for because of my name. I’m worried that my chances at a new opportunity will be even slimmer.

I’m worried about the good people who are on the side of reason, of advocating for their fellow man, not giving into the hateful rhetoric and fear-mongering. I’m worried their voices are being drowned out by the people on the opposite end of the spectrum who are shouting at the top of their lungs against all Muslims. Extremism and radicalization comes in many forms, regardless of religion or race. My only hope is that the good people in this world who are fighting all forms of extremism aren’t quieted or disappear altogether.

I’m worried about abandoned identities. I’m worried that because of the aforementioned reasons, Muslims and Arabs are abandoning or hiding their faith and culture to blend in and be under the radar with the rise of Islamophobia. Many make the argument that you can’t be a Muslim, Arab, and American. I never understood that claim. First this country was built on the freedom of religion. There’s no counterargument to that. Second, and as an Arab, why can’t I integrate my culture in the American melting pot? How is me eating Middle Eastern food or dancing dabke different than a Latino eating Latin food and dancing Salsa? Muslims and Arabs are abandoning their identities because of a lack of confidence in themselves as a result of the sense of fear circling around them. They are hiding their heads in the sand instead of standing up to the fear and hatred.

The word Islam comes from the word submission. Being a Muslim means submitting to Allah (God). Even though I’m worried for the reasons stated above, I’m also submitting to His will.

In the Quran, in verse 155 of Surat Al Baqara (The Cow, Chapter 2), Allah (SWT) says: And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient. People all across the world are being tested and the measurement of success is how we respond to these tests. Allah (SWT) continues with: Who, when disaster strikes them, say, “Indeed we belong to Allah , and indeed to Him we will return (2:156). Disaster is striking all across the world. I’m worried. But I understand this is all a test. I understand the light will shine, and truth and justice will prevail because in verse 157, Allah (SWT) says: Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are the [rightly] guided.

Allah (SWT) also says: O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient (2:153). Patience in the face of adversity is an essential part of any faith.

In Arabic, the word for patience is sabr which is also the word for cactus. Despite the harsh conditions in the desert, the cactus grows tall with flowers.

We are living in harsh conditions.

Yes I’m worried. But I have faith.