Here we are, one week into Mercury Retrograde número dos of 2017. Anyone reading this probably knows that Mercury Rx forces us to review, reconsider, relearn, retract, retreat…the list goes on. We hear this over and over again, and it’s true. Astrology 101, basically.

I feel lucky because normally, Mercury Retrograde doesn’t really affect me. Maybe some lost emails or confusing convos. But I’m an Aquarius, I embrace chaos and confusing people is pretty much a hobby for me.

But one week in and I can tell that this Mercury Rx is different. It’s one of the *those* Mercury retrogrades. Maybe it’s because I had way too much fun in March? Vacationed too much, partied too hard, spent too much money. Now, it’s time to get my shit together but my brain is jumbled. My conversations keep going wrong. I’m fucking shit up and it’s fucking awful.

Anyways. I decided to look back at past Mercury Rx dates and compile a list. A list of what, you ask? A list of stupid shit I’ve done during Mercury Rx. Shit that fucked things up later on. Shit that you should avoid at all costs.

Shit like…

Permanently Deleting My Instagram Account. I broke up with an ex circa 2012. We lived together for 2 years in San Francisco, and I found the relationship haunting me once I was 2,000 miles away in Chicago, mostly via pictures of legal marijuana and gorgeous SF scenery. So I had this genius idea to delete any memory of him, “memory” meaning my original Instagram account that I started in 2010, like, when Instagram was born into existence. Days later, my phone broke and I permanently lost every single picture I had from the past two years. Thousands of pictures, gone. If I had just waited to delete my IG account, I’d at least have something to remember those years. Five years later and this one still hurts.

Starting a New Job. So it’s March 2013. Mercury is retrogradin’ hard and I get a job offer. Yay! What happens next? The hiring manager ghosts me for a week. No details on salary/start date/anything for a WEEK. I shrugged it off, but I was kinda like…what the fuck?! That should’ve been my first clue. Instead, I stayed with said company for 2.5 years. In the meantime, I went a little crazy, tried to quit once (I was convinced not to) and finally quit during — surprise, surprise — Mercury Rx.

Attempting to “date” someone I met during Mercury Rx. We met at a warehouse party in Brooklyn. He owned a company (I’ve got a weakness for entrepreneurial men) and split his time between BK and his homeland, Italy (another weakness). Cool, right? We exchanged numbers and talked every day for a month. Then he asked if I had any intention of visiting him in NY or inviting him to Chicago by the end of the year. I said no (oops was I supposed to lie and say yes?) and that was the end of that.

Getting involved with a coworker. Okay, so we’re officially teetering on this post getting too personal. Then again, this is STUPID SHIT I’ve done during Mercury Rx. I’m just trying to help you avoid becoming the fuck up that I am. Now, this wasn’t stupid because the person was a coworker. No, in fact, the coworker part is pretty irrelevant. This bullet should actually be titled: Hooked up with a friend that was also a coworker who I later found out was still dating a girl that I thought was an ex. Oops. Yeah, Mercury Rx might hide the facts from you.

Filing Taxes. I mean…who does that during Mercury retrograde? Me. I do that. I had moved back from California mid-2012 and somehow forgot that I worked in multiple states that year. I decided to self-file and naturally, I fucked it all up. My taxes were audited and I had to wait months before I got my return. Did I mention this was the same Mercury Rx that I started that one job? At least I got a return, right?

My list of stupid shit could go on forever. I fuck things up a lot :) At the end of the day, I still don’t believe that Mercury Rx is a negative thing. Yes, you might have to double check everything you do. Yes, it’s probably best to think twice before making your next move. But…Mercury will also help you find your voice and teach you how to laugh at yourself. If you can look at things from a different perspective you might even begin seeing Mercury Rx as a positive time. Try it. Good luck! ❤