Nation's Progressives Issue Friendly Reminder That If You Don't Agree With Them On Everything They Will Destroy You

U.S.—Progressive spokespeople issued a statement this morning offering a friendly reminder that if you don't agree with them on every last issue they will absolutely destroy you.

"It doesn't matter if you're with us on 90% of issues. If you disagree on one thing, we will make it our goal to ruin your career, your livelihood, and your reputation," one woman, speaking on behalf of the nation's progressives, said. "It doesn't even matter if you said one tiny thing years ago that seems to go against our progressive agenda. We. Will. Destroy. You."

The progressive movement also issued a handy list of issues that you must agree with them on:

Abortion

Healthcare

Captain Marvel

Taxing the rich and eating their still-beating hearts

Universal basic income

Democratic communism

Donald Trump literally being Hitler reincarnated

The Last Jedi

Open borders

Gun control

Seizing the means of production

Eliminating the electoral college

Free college

Free everything

Everything else

"If you don't march in lockstep with us, we will call you a Nazi, reply to your every tweet, haunt your every waking moment, and mob you until you die."

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