Once upon a time there was a lovely girl. But, she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragons keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss.

"Yeah. Like that's ever gonna happen. Whata load of-"A deep chortle rattled the fragile shutter doors. An enormous woman stood up from her crouching position, and tugged on her skirt. She slid the door open and walked out into an empty dimly lit street illuminated by blazing red lanterns. The woman stomped along a worn down path- dust billowed at her ankles as her wooden sandals kicked up dirt with each step. A toothy grin spread across her face- she reached in her shirt in-between her two large breasts and pulled out a flask. She twisted the lid open, and downed the entire contents of the silver bottle. Her throat burned as she let out a happy chuckle. Today was going to be a good day.

The woman continued on until she came to a stop in front of a small shack-like building with torn shutters and old dry wood. On each of the dehydrated wooden beams holding up the upper level was a crudely drawn picture of an angry looking woman with a single red protruding horn, and wild blond hair. Keep out. Go away. Beware Oni. Self-portraits skillfully crafted on her sober days. She stepped inside, and made her way to a small seemingly ancient table completely covered in empty bottles. The oni grabbed her favorite red studded sake dish, and filled it to the brim. She plopped herself down on a cushion with a loud thud and began sipping away.

Not too far away a group of humans gathered together. A woman let out a cry, and someone let out a shout. Then, a rattle of determination rang out through the streets. The men ran along grabbing pitchforks and torches. Women and children ran inside locking doors and windows behind them. The group reformed again ran along together heading for a certain tunnel leading down. They stomped their way through the underground- avoiding creatures more horrible than they ever could imagined. They found an empty street illuminated by red lanterns near the edge of the large subterranean town and followed it until they came to a stop before an old decrepit house surrounded by crudely drawn warnings.

"You think it's in there?"

"All right.. Let's get it-"

"Whoa! Hold on! Do you know what that thing could do to you?"

"Yeah! It'll grind your bones for its bread!" The men all gulped and stared at the door. No movement.

"All right, men… All together now." The group slowly crept up to the door and slid it open. Dim light and thick dusty air greeted them.

"Do you see anything?"

"No, I-"

"SHH!" The men forced up all their courage and stepped inside.

"You two- go that way I'll-" The man stopped, his blood turned to ice. His step had been interrupted by a very large something in his way. He looked down- his heart pounded in his ears. There- out cold, and snoring quietly- was the oni.

"Holy shit!"

"Let's kill it while it's asleep! I'm sick of having all my goddamn sake stolen!"

"Yeah, and I can't afford to fix another one of my walls-"

"Give me the sword." The man nearest to the giant was handed a long sleek blade. He gulped in a breath of air willing himself to move. He raised the blade and brought it dow-!

Everybody froze; the blade was being suspended in air by a very large fist.

"Lord, ya humans can't wait till I'ma done nappin'?" The oni sat up looking very grumpy. The men behind the one wielding the blade took a collective step back. She opened a single red glaring eye, and tightened her grasp on the metal. A small splirt of scarlet trickled onto the wooden floor, and, in an instant, the once perfectly straight steel was bent beyond repair. There was a shriek within the group and the entire party was out the door heading back towards their village again. The oni tossed the blade aside, scratched her head with her long claw-like nails, and drifted back off to sleep.

Back above ground in a village, not too far from where the mob had fled back to, another crowd was gathered together. A long winding line of odd creatures was being forced forward towards a small desk in the center of town.

Crack "You're flying days are over, Kirisame. Twenty yens for the witch. Next!" A large carriage with a crate on the back of it was loaded with a group of people, then slammed shut. Four musical sisters were separated into different cages, and chained up.

"This cage is so small!"

"Move along!"

"45 yens?!"

Amongst the commotion a kappa was standing and being grasped violently by the elbow by a taller green-haired woman with her strange green locks tied under her chin, and a grimace etched onto her face. The kappa winced at the seal on her forehead preventing her from doing much moving.

"Hey, you don't gotta' turn me in! I'll never be stubborn again! I can change! Please give me another chance!"

"Oh, shut up!" The woman hissed. In front of them in line a blond woman in a blue dress approached the desk and put something on it.

"Next. What have you got?"

"This little wooden doll."

"I'm not a doll! Alice, I fucking hate you! How could you do this to me?" The blond gave a sharp tug on a string attached to the small doll and it violently went limp. The man at the desk nodded.

"Five sens for the possessed toy." He handed Alice a few coins. "Take it away."

"Mom! Please! Alice-"

"Next! What've you got?" The strange haired woman took a step.

"Well, I've got a," She forced the kappa forward, "talking kappa." The man leaned forward in his chair.

"Right, well, that's good for 10 yens," his face went dark, "If you can prove it."

"Oh, go ahead little fella." The woman nudged at the kappa. The small blue haired turtle stumbled forward a step and froze. She looked up at the man behind the desk through her indigo eyelashes, and fiddled with her thumbs. He stared blankly back at her.

"Well?" The woman gulped and began twitching nervously.

"Oh, she's a little nervous! She's really quite the chatterbox!" She leaned in to hiss in the kappa's ear, "Talk you bone headed dolt! I'll-" The man cleared his throat- interrupting the threat.

"That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!"

"No! No! She talks! She does!" The woman looked at the kappa; you could practically hear the cogs moving in her head. Her eye gave a very unattractive twitch, and her hand lunged forward, and grabbed the kappa's jaw. She began mumbling attempting not to move her lips in a pathetic attempt at ventriloque. "I can talk! I LOVE to talk! I'm the talkenist damn thing you ever saw!" The guard's face twisted in annoyance.

"Get her out of my sight." Two guards wearing the same uniform as the man behind the desk walked forwards towards the pair. They grabbed the woman, who jerked back attempting to break free. A chubby lavender-headed woman behind the pair was bumped back by the commotion; she grabbed at a short bluenette to regain balance. The blunette toppled forward, arms outstretched, and accidentally tore the seal the kappa's head clean off. The kappa stumbled sideways surprised that she no longer felt any pain moving.

"Hey.. I can move!" She took her feet off the ground, and hovered feet from the dirt. The man from behind the desk sat up; his face turned an odd shade of red.

"She can talk!"

"HAHA! That's right foo'! Now, I'm a flyin' talkin' kappa! I bet you seen a taco, maybe even a talk show, but you ain't never seen a kappa talk!" She giggled. Suddenly, a feeling of exhaustion washed over her. A dark haired woman in red was standing below her; arm outstretched and grasping onto the kappa's ankle. In the fist holding her down was a piece of paper, one not unlike the thing that had been plastered to the bluenette's forehead just previously. The kappa went limp, crashing on top of the very woman holding her down. The woman went flaccid and let go; the seal was torn away from the kappa's exposed leg. She paused for a minute, letting her head stop spinning, but the rapid approach of footsteps signaled it was time to leave. She shot up- and darted into a nearby forest guards following in her wake. She bolted around trees down a twisted path. A branch whipped against her side leaving half of it stinging.

"Shit-" She took her eyes away from the path ahead of her to inspect herself. In that instant she was looking down, she collided into a very large something. She tumbled to the ground and looked up; an enormous woman spun around from where she had been hunched against a tree. She wiped her mouth with the back of her arm; a bottle of sake in her hand splashed at the movement. She looked down at the very startled kappa wordlessly. Behind her the guards began closing in. The kappa jumped to her feet and spun around to hide behind the large woman. The guards came to a stop in a stunned silence. One man took a deep breath and stepped forward.

"You there, oni." The man reached in his shirt and pulled out an important looking document.

"Ay?"

"B-by the order of- Mistress, Remilia Scarlet, I am authorized to place you both under arrest," The oni took three large booming steps forward. The man swallowed, "and- transport you to a designated resettlement facility.." The oni took another large step, and came to a stop a foot away from the man. She bent over grinning- her large fangs sparkled in the light.

"Oh, really?" Her breath reeked of alcohol so badly the guard nearly broke out into a coughing fit. "You and what army?" The oni gave a jerk of her head signaling for the man to look behind him. He swallowed and glanced over his shoulder- every last one of his men had taken off back into the forest. The man's blood drained from his face. The kappa couldn't help but let out a chortle as the man, looking ready to burst out into tears, gasped and took off sprinting after his men. The oni nodded to herself, took a swig of sake, and began a clumsy gait in the other direction. The kappa swallowed and did a double take between the area the men had gone, and the direction the oni was going.

"Hey, can I say somethin' to you?" She trotted up behind the giant like a dog following its master. "Listen, you was really really somethin' back there. Incredible!" The oni grumbled and swung around.

"Are you talkin' to-" The kappa was nowhere in sight. "….Me?" She shrugged and turned back around- She stumbled back as the small kappa's face appeared within inches of her own. She sidestepped her and kept on walking, and the kappa kept on following.

"Why, yes I was talkin' to you. Can I just tell you that you was really great back there, man. The way those guards-!" She giggled. "They thought they was all of that! Then you showed up and- BAM- they was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. See, that really made me feel good to see that."

"Oh, that's great really." The oni glared ahead of herself.

"Man, it's good to be free!"

"Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hm?" The oni gave a cheesy grin.

"But, uh, I don't have any friends.. And, I am NOT going out there by myself.-HEY! Wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you! You're a mean big fightin' machine! Together we'll scare the spit outta anybody who crosses us!" The oni stopped in her tracks and grumbled to herself- her head was beginning to throb. She spun around on her heals, crouched as close to the kappa's face as possible, and let out an earth vibrating roar. The kappa stared back; her blue clear eyes the size of dinner plates. She chuckled to herself, and said, "Oh, wow! That was really scary. Maybe you don't mind me saying, but if that don't work then your breath will certainly get the job done; you definitely need some tic-tacs or somethin' cuz your breath STINKS!" The oni's face fell, and she turned back around to continue her walk. She glanced back over her shoulder, for a second, flinched back again when the kappa once again was hovering inches from her face. "Man, you almost burned the hair off my nose- JUST LIKE THE TIME-" The oni put her large hand over the kappa's mouth, but mumbled words still poured out. She rolled her eyes, and took the hand away. "-And then I ate some rotten berries.. Man, I had some strong gases leakin' outta my butt that day." The oni's jaw clenched, and she moved around the kappa.

"Why are you following me!?" The kappa landed and began her trot again, she took a few strides in front of the oni and stopped.

"I'll tell you why, cuz I'm all alone.. there's no one here beside me..My problems are all gone. There's no one to deride meeee… But, you gotta have friends-"

"STOP SINGING! Well it's no wonder you don't have any friends!" The oni gave her a violent shove out of the way.

"Wow, only a true friend would be that cruelly honest!"

"LISTEN! LITTLE GIRL! Take a look at me! What am I!?" The oni took a step forward outstretching her arms. The kappa looked up lips parted slightly.

"Uh.. really tall?"

"NO! I'M AN ONI! You know! Grab your torch and pitchforks! Doesn't that bother you?" The kappa put her hands in her pockets and smiled ear to ear. She shook her head; blue pigtails bobbed around her cheeks.

"Nope." The oni blinked.

"..Really?"

"Really really!"

"Oh."

"Man, I like you. What'chor name?" The oni swayed a little.

"Uh.. Yuugi." The oni began her gait again, she was nearing the cave downward.

"Yuugi?" The kappa chortled. "I'm Nitori. Well, you know what I like about you, Yuugi?" She pranced up closer to the oni, "You got that I don't care what nobody thinks of me thing. I like that. I respect that, Yuugi. You alright."

The pair began the long way down. Once in the city- they turned away from the capital, and headed to the outskirts. They were met with the old worn down house with wood seemingly brittle enough to fall apart at any minute. Nitori put her hands in her pockets again and made a face.

"Woo. Look at that! Who'd wanna live in a place like that?" Yuugi glared.

"That would be my home." Nitori swallowed.

"Oh, and it is just LOVELY! Really quite beautiful. Really you are quite the decorator. It is amazing what you've done with such a modest budget." Nitori felt her face heat up. Yuugi sighed and rolled open the door. Nitori took a step inside smothering down a cough induced by the dust. She glanced at the table covered with bottles to a large worn futon to a broken chair in the corner. "I like that chair. That is a nice chair." She skipped back up to Yuugi who was taking off her sandals at the door. From where she was standing she got a view of the street they were just on again. Only now did she notice the signs with a crudely drawn oni on them. She cleared her throat. "I, uh, guess you don't entertain much do you?"

"I like my privacy."

"You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common," Nitori came grinning up to the oni even closer, "Like, I hate it when you've got somebody up in your face. You try to give them the hint, and they won't leave! And then there's that big awkward silence, you know." Yuugi glared down at the kappa. The room went quiet. "…Can I stay with ju?" Yuugi shook her head in disbelief.

"What?"

"Can I stay with you please?" Nitori batted her eyelashes.

"Of course!"

"Really!?"

"No."

"PLEASE! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak!" Yuugi blinked. Nitori paused to look the woman up and down. "Well, maybe you do! But, that's why WE GOTTA STICK TOGETHER! YOU GOTTA LET ME STAY! PLEASE PLEASE PLE-" Yuugi growled.

"OK! OK! But, one night only." Nitori giggled and plopped down on Yuugi's worn futon- a cloud of dust rose into the air.

"Aw, this is gonna be fun! We can stay up late swappin' manly stories. And, in the mornin', I'm makin' waffles!" Nitori folded her arms behind her head and looked up at the oni, who was busy trying not to strangle her. Nitori sat up looking around. "Where do.. I sleep?" Yuugi's hand shot violently toward the door.

"OUTSIDE!" Nitori felt her smile melt off her face.

"Oh.. uh, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you. You don't know me.. So, I guess outside is best." She got up off of the futon and walked out into the dimly lit street. Yuugi stood in the doorway fuming. "Goodnight.." Yuugi slammed the door shut- the wooden beams creaked threateningly. Nitori sat down on the porch mumbling to herself. "I mean I do like the outdoors. I'm a kappa. I was born outside.. Sittin' by myself outside.. I guess. You know.. Sittin' by myself outside.. I'm all alone.. There's no one here beside me.."

Yuugi stretched earning a few pops as her spine went back into place. She'd just downed three bottles of sake, her cheeks were a tinted a much redder color than usual. She sat grinning to herself stupidly as she observed her collection of bottles. Her eyes scanned the table, then drifted to the door. Nitori's slouching shadow shone through the thin paper door. Yuugi felt her stomach churn, but dismissed it as gas. She patted her stomach contently, stood up, and took three clumsy steps to the futon before collapsing halfway on it. She chuckled to herself.

CRASH

She shot up. "I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO STAY OUTSIDE!" Her voice boomed at Nitori.

"I AM OUTSIDE!" The kappa called back. Yuugi got up and stumbled to the door. She rolled it open, and Nitori was, in fact, still outside. Yuugi grimaced. Footsteps from behind her caught her attention. She spun around to see a small figure scurry by. Yuugi took a step forward. More scurrying. She swung her head in the direction the sound came from.

"Well, Shou, it's a far cry from the ship, but what choice do we have?" Yuugi jumped back as a small grey haired girl with mouse ears scampered up to taller blonde woman resembled a tiger. Yuugi's mouth fell open.

"How..? WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUS-" Bottles from the table crashed to the floor as a large heavy bundle was dropped on the table by another tall blonde, this time with nine tails, and a smaller brunette girl with cat ears. Yuugi stood gaping as the bundle unfolded, and turned out to be another blonde woman, this one sleeping and being carried in a futon like a basket.

"NO, NO, NO, NO! Sleeping broad- OFF THE TABLE!"

"Where we supposed to put her? The beds taken!" The smaller girl cried. Yuugi spun around to see her futon being occupied by something moving under the blanket. She gave it a sharp kick, and two heads popped out. One of a black haired girl with sharp features, and the other of a silver haired girl with wolf ears and a chubby face. The black haired one scowled.

"What?" Yuugi's mouth practically hit the floor. She grabbed the one with wolf ears by the scruff of her neck and pulled her out of the futon. The girl gasped and tugged the blanket along with her to cover her naked body. The girl with sharp features shot up revealing large crow wings. She began shouting protests that Yuugi drowned out.

"I LIVE IN THE OUTSKIRTS OF TOWN! I PUT UP SIGNS! I'M A TERRIFYING ONI! WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET A LITTLE PRIVACY?" She carried the wolf to the door and froze. "Oh no.." A crowd of nearly a hundred mismatched women were gathered all along the once deserted street. Yuugi ran her hand through her hair. A group of colorful children shoved past her shouting about a monster. A second later a chubby pink haired girl appeared chasing after them. On a bench across the street three sisters sat sobbing about something, four musical instruments lay at their feet. A hooded girl with a pink clouds trailing her flew past and landed next to a masculine looking woman with dark hair and an anchor; the two embraced and went on talking about a messiah. Nitori was entranced in something a short blonde in a witches hat was saying to a group of seven or eight women looking equally hypnotized. Yuugi felt her heart pounding, her head throbbing, her mind racing. "WHAT IS EVERYBODY DOING ON MY STREET?" Her voice boomed so completely over everything everybody froze. The group of children that ran by took a step back. All talking stopped. Even the crying sisters lessened their sobs to sniffles. Yuugi looked around. "All right, get out of here. All of you! Move it! Let's go!" The crowd stepped back further as Yuugi attempted to shoo them. A pair of bluenettes in the front of the crowd, one stiff and reeking of decaying flesh, and one with a stupid hair-do, rushed passed Yuugi, "NO! NO! NOT THERE! NOT THE-" they ran into her house, and bolted the door behind them. Yuugi growled to herself. She turned around and glared at the crowd making eye-contact with Nitori.

"Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them." A small blond next to Nitori gave an unnatural shrug.

"Well, nobody invited us." Yuugi stomped forward to the girl. The girl took a ridged step back, her joints creaked like wood.

"What?"

"We were forced to come here!"

"By who!?" Within the crowd someone spoke up. A girl with green hair tied up with snakes and frog clips stepped forward.

"Mistress Scarlet. She huffed, and puffed, and… signed an eviction notice." Yuugi sighed.

"Alright.. Who knows where this.. Scarlet chick is?" The crowd remained silent. Nitori looked around and bounced happily in place.

"Oh, I do! I know where she is!"

"Does anybody else know where to find her?" The crowd shuffled awkwardly. "..Anyone at all."

"ME! ME!" Nitori's pigtails bobbed as she jumped.

"..Anyone.."

"Oh, PICK ME! ME ME! I KNOW!" Yuugi sighed.

"Ok, fine.. Attention all.. weird ladies, do not get comfortable; your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this Scarlet right now, and get you all off my land, and get you BACK where you came from!" The crowd was silent for a minute then burst out into applaud. Yuugi grumbled and pushed through the crowd dragging Nitori along behind her by the elbow.

"On the road again! Sing it with me, Yuugi! I can't wait to be on the road again!" Yuugi spun around glaring

"What did I say about singing?!"

"Well, can I whistle?"

"No."

"Can I hum it?" Yuugi sighed.

"Alright.."

A large nail was shoved through cloth like a butterfly being pinned by the wings. Heels clacked against a stone floor. Ropes were tightened. The door swung open. A small girl with a menacing smirk that didn't fit her stepped into the room. A tall thin silver headed woman looked up from her work of throwing knives inches from the prisoner's body, and smirked.

"Enough, she's ready to talk." The tall woman took a step back and bowed as low as she could manage. A dark chuckle that grew to a cackle flooded the room. The small girl, Remilia Scarlet, approached the restrained captive.

"Comfortable, Miss Nightbug?"

"You're a monster!"

"I'm not the monster here, Wriggle! You are. You and the rest of those trash freaks, poisoning my perfect world. Now, TELL ME! Where is she?"

"Eat me!" Wriggle spat in the other Remilia's face; she scowled.

"I've tried to be fair to you creatures, now my patients has reached its end! TELL ME, OR I'LL-" She reached forward twisting one of the nightbug's antennae.

"NO! NOT MY ANTENNAE!"

"ALRIGHT THEN! WHERE IS SHE?" Wriggle shook her head.

"Ok.. I'll tell you. Do you know the phoenix?"

"The phoenix?"

"The phoenix."

"Yes, I know the phoenix. The one in Eientei?"

"Well.. she's married to the phoenix."

"THE PHOENIX?!"

"THE PHOENIX!"

"She's married to the phoenix-" Just then the door crashed open. Both girls' heads whipped in its direction.

"My lady, we've found her!" She smirked down at the bug.

"Well then! What are you waiting for? Bring her in!" A trio of guards appeared in the door's frame dragging along a bluenette woman in a long navy dress. Wriggle felt her stomach do a flip from guilt.

"My, my, we've been looking for you for quite some tim-"

"DON'T TELL HER ANYTHING!" Wriggle's voice rang out from behind the group. The mistress sighed and waved her hand. The thin silver-head whipped a knife skimming the bug's cheek and leaving a thin scarlet trail. She gulped and became silent.

"Evening.. Now, now, Miss Keine. You, with your extensive knowledge of things in the past and future. I ask you, is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?" Keine shifted and averted her eyes to the floor.

"Well, technically, you're not a Queen."

"Uh.. Sakuya~" A knife gilded past Keine's head. "You were saying?" The blunette gulped.

"What I mean is- you're not a queen YET. But, you can become one. All you have to do is marry."Remilia looked her up and down.

"Go on."

"Soo..." She shrugged the guards off of her and folded her hands, "Just sit back and relax, my lady, because it's time for YOU to meet today's eligible bachelorettes." From behind her two red bows appeared. A crack formed between them, and in an instant, a blonde woman was peeking through.

"I think I can help, Miss, Keine. I'll be your host, Yukari Yakumo." The blonde gave a tug on the collar of Keine's shirt and pulled her into the gap that appeared, then jumped out herself.. The gap behind her closed and a new one began forming. "Bachelorette number one is a beauty from out of this world. She likes pasta and rabbits. Her hobbies include sleeping, relaxing, and bickering with her arch rival. Please welcome, Kaguya Houraisan." Yukari gave a swoop of her hand, and the gap opened revealing a sleeping black haired girl snuggled up with a brunette girl with bunny ears. Yukari made another motion, and the gap closed. Remilia raised an eyebrow. "Bachelorette number two is a mountain loving girl. Although she's worshiped by humans everyday, she isn't cocky. Just kiss her plump pink lips, and you'll be blown away. Come on! Give it up for, Kanako Yasaka!" The gap reopened, this time showing a bluenette shouting something about frogs. She glanced up, saw the gap, and jumped back.

"YUKAR-" The gap closed again. A few guards behind Remilia clapped. She, herself, folded her arms. Yukari went up behind her, and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

"And last, but certainly not least, bachelorette number three is feisty blonde, from a dragon guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But, don't let that cool you off. She's an adorable sweetheart that likes long walks on bridges, and getting caught in the snow. Yours for the rescuing," The gap reopened to show a small girl with curly blonde hair and blazing green eyes. She looked up into the gap, lips parted and stared. "Parsee Mizuhashi!" And the gap closed. Yukari let go of Remilia's shoulders and took a step back into the center of the crowd. "So, will it be, bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two, or bachelorette number three?" The room erupted in chaos of the guards shouting numbers. Remilia looked back into the crowd.

"ONE! ONE!"

"NO! THREE!"

"TWO, MY LADY!"

"UH- UH- OK OK! NUMBER THREE!"

"Lady Remilia, you've chosen, Parsee Mizuhashi.." And with that Yukari disappeared into the gap, and was gone. Remilia looked around grinning stupidly.

"Parsee.. She's perfect." Two bows appeared next to her head, and Yukari reappeared

"But, I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night-"

"I'll do it!"

"Yes, but-"

"SILENCE!" Yukari shrugged and disappeared.

"I will make this Parsee my queen, and SDM will finally be perfect! Sakuya," she snapped twice, "Assemble your finest team. We're going to have a tournament!"

Wet footsteps splashed against a bank as a duet landed. A thick mist brought on by the lake reached out miles past it in all directions. Yuugi squinted and strained her eyes until she was finally able to see the silhouette she was looking for. Off in the distance was an enormous mansion with high walls and towers that gave the illusion of a castle. Nitori cleared her throat.

"That's it. That's it right there, Scarlet Devil Mansion. I told you I'd find it!" Nitori grinned up at the oni.

"So, that must be Lady Remilia's castle?" Yuugi eyed at a large red tower sprouting up from the ground.

"Uh huh. That's the place."

"Do you think maybe she's compensating for something?" Yuugi chortled and gave a forceful nudge at Nitori who toppled sideways. Yuugi sighed a shook her head. As the two got closer in the mist began to disappear. They approached a large stone wall with an iron gate left open. Nitori looked at Yuugi and shrugged. The pushed it open earning an earsplitting squeak of the rusty hinges. The two made matching faces and continued in. Beyond the large gate was an enormous garden filled with benches, fountains, and arches. An eerie silence stretched across the landscape causing every step- every breath of the oni and kappa to become multiplied. Yuugi shuddered.

"It's quiet.." A small wind blew disturbing a wind-chime off in the distance. "Too quiet.. Where is everybody?" Nitori looked around until her eyes fell on a small wooden red contraption with the words information and pull on it. She trotted up to it and gave a tug on a small lever by its side. There was a creek a small bang and then ticking. Yuugi stepped up to it cautiously. The ticking quickened Nitori grabbed one of Yuugi's arms and took a step back. Ticking faster and faster.

POP

The contraption opened like a cabinet revealing a quintet of small exhausted looking fairies.

"Welcome to SDM, such a perfect town. Here we have some rules let us write them down. Don't make waves, stay in line, and we'll get along fine. SDM is a perfect place.." Yuugi's ears drooped in disgust. Nitori's eyes widened. "Please keep off of the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your… is- SDM is- SDM is a perfecttt plaaace!"A little tune of blaring mini trumpets played and the thing slammed shut. A flash went off, and in a moment a small photograph of Yuugi and Nitori, both looking equally disturbed, popped out of the .

"…Wow.. LET'S DO THAT AGAIN!" Nitori made a move forward, but Yuugi grabbed her by the collar.

"NO! NO! NONONONO! No." Just then off in the distance a muffled cheer echoed out. The two glanced at each other and ran in its direction.

"…That champion shall have the honor- no no- the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Parsee Mizuhashi from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the runner up will take his place. Andsoonandsoforth.. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make." An eruption of applause. A large courtyard surrounded by spectators like a stadium was filled with a dozen or so terrified looking people in armor. On a large high platform stood a small girl with glowing red eyes, lavender hair, and a pink dress and bonnet. Beside her was a thin silver-headed woman making a terribly unattractive face, and glancing between the small girl and the floor. The oni and kappa stepped forward and approached the armored crowd. "Let the tournament begin!" Yuugi scowled and shoved in front of the crowd. The spectators gasped. "What is that!? Ugh, it's hideous!" Yuugi shook her head.

"Aw, that's not very nice.." She looked over her shoulder at Nitori. "It's just a kappa." Nitori glowered.

"Indeed. Attention! New plan! The one who kills the oni will be named champion! Have at her!" Yuugi stepped back as armor began closing in on her.

"Oh, hey. Hang on now." She reached in her shirt and pulled out her flask. "Can't we just settle this over a drink?" They got closer. "No? Alright then." She put the flask back, and crouched in a position making her look ready to pounce. "COME ON!" She lunged forward, forehead first, leaving a gaping hole clear through an inch thick of steel. Nitori took a step back as one of the people turned towards her. She reached in her pocket and pulled out a remote. With a beep two enormous spring loaded arms shot out of her bag and shot forward leaving five men out cold. Yuugi chortled.

"That's new!" The kappa gave a humble smile and pressed another button. The arms made a swooping motion knocking over two more. Yuugi let out a booming laugh and picked up one man by the legs and threw him like a Frisbee, taking out the remaining group. The crowd was dead silent for a second, then let out their biggest applause yet. Yuugi raised her arms up in victory giving a toothy grin ear to ear. She went up to Nitori and gave her a hard pat on the back. "Didn't know you had it in you!" Nitori giggled and turned a happy shade of pink. The duet approached the large platform smirking. Remilia glowered. Sakuya leaned into her ear.

"Shall I take her out, Mistress?"

"No, I have a better idea." Remilia adjusted her bonnet and gave a sly grin. "PEOPLE OF SDM! I GIVE YOU OUR CHAMPIONS!" She gave a graceful motion of the hand towards Yuugi and Nitori. The pair froze.

"What?!"

"Congratulations. You've won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest."

"Quest? I'm already on a quest! A quest to get my land back!"

"Your land?"

"Yeah, my land! Where YOU dumped those weird women!"

"Indeed.. Alright, oni, I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your land back."

"Exactly the way it was?"

"Down to the last dust covered corner."

"And the squatters?"

"As good as gone." Yuugi glanced down at the armored crowd then back at Remilia.

"What kind of quest?"

"Ok, let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon- rescue a lady- just so Scarlet will give you back your land, which you only don't have because she filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right?" Yuugi shook her head and flew a little further ahead of the kappa. Below them was a low valley completely covered in sunflowers. Nitori flew faster to catch up.

"You know what, maybe there's a good reason kappas shouldn't talk."

"I don't get it, Yuugi. Why don't you just pull some of that oni stuff on em' you know? Throttle them. Lay siege to her fortress. Grind her bones to make your bread. You know the whole oni trip."

"Oh, and know what? Maybe I could've decapitated the entire village, and put their heads on a spike. Gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drank their fluids? Does that sound good to you?"

"Uh, no.. Not really.."

"For your information there's a lot more to onis than people think."

"Example?"

"Example? Ok.. Um.. Onis are like onions."

"They stink?"

"Ye- NO!"

"Oh, they make you cry."

"No!"

"Oh, you leave them out in the sun, they start getting all brown and sproutin' little white hairs?"

"NO! Layers! Onions have layers! Onis have layers! Onions have layers-! Do you get it? We both have layers." She sighed and flew ahead again. Nitori attempted to keep up.

"Oh, onions have layers… You know not everybody likes onions. CAKE! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers!"

"I don't care what everyone likes! Onis are not like cakes!"

"You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits! Have you ever met a person and say 'Ay, let's go get some parfaits.' and they say, 'Hell no. I don't like no parfaits.'? Parfaits are delicious!"

"NO! You dense, irritating, miniature, beast of burden! Onis are like onions! End of story! Bye bye. See you later!" Nitori made a face.

"Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet."

"You know? I think I preferred your humming."

"Do you have a tissue or something? Cuz I'm makin a mess. Just the word parfait makes me start slobberin'." Yuugi chuckled and glanced over her shoulder.

"Phew, Yuugi, did you do that? Man, you gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open and everything."

"Believe me, Nitori. If it was me, you'd be dead." The pair touched down. They were high up now, the thin air was hazy and on it hung a coating of ash. Yuugi smelled the air. "It's brimstone. We must be getting close."

"Yeah, right brimstone.." She put her hands in her pockets. "Don't be talkin' bout some brimstone. I know what I smell, and it ain't no brimstone. Ain't come off no stone neither." Yuugi sighed and climbed over a rock. She froze. In an instant Nitori was by her side, mouth agape. A lake of molten lava, and across from it an ancient looking castle; the only way to it was a rickety old bridge that seemed lucky not to be on fire.

"Sure it's big enough, but look at the location!" Yuugi chortled to herself. Nitori swallowed.

"Uh, Yuugi. You- you remember when you said onis have layers?"

"Ay?" The woman jumped down to the bridge; heat baked her face.

"Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Uh, kappas don't have layers. We wear our skin right out there on our sleeves!" Yuugi laughed as Nitori sulked up behind her. The kappa spun around, and begin digging her bag until she pulled out something that should've been too big to fit in there in the first place. Yuugi raised an eyebrow.

"Is that an astronaut helmet?"

"Why, yes. Yes it is!" Yuugi's booming laughter echoed off the bare landscape. She grabbed the helmet from Nitori and spun it around in her hands inspecting it. "Uh, Yuugi, comeon' I want that."

"No, way. You're so stupid!" Yuugi continued laughing as she put the helmet on. The tinted glass allowed her to see past the lava without squinting. "Ay, this is pretty useful. I'm gonna wear it for a little bit!"

"I KNOW IT'S USEFUL! THAT'S WHY I WANNA WEAR IT!" Yuugi chuckled and patted Nitori on the back. The kappa's knees buckled under the force. "Anyway, you can't tell me you're afraid of heights." Yuugi's voice echoed in the helmet. Nitori began fiddling with her thumbs.

"No, I'm just a little uncomfortable on this old bridge over a boiling lake of lava!"

"Come on, Nitori. I'm right here beside ya. Ok? For.. emotional support. We'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time." Yuugi forced Nitori on the bridge in front of her. Nitori swung around.

"Really?"

"Really really."

"Wait a minute! Why don't we just fly there?!" Yuugi laughed.

"And attract the dragon?" Nitori gulped and turned around again. "Just keep moving, and don't look down."

"Ok. Ok." Nitori shuffled her feet forward. Yuugi's sandals clacking against the wood behind her signaled her to move faster. "Don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look-" A board snapped below her foot. She glanced down with just enough time to see it turn to ash. "YUUGI! I'M LOOKIN' DOWN!" She shrieked and attempted to shove past the oni back. "ALRIGHT! I CAN'T DO THIS! LET ME OFF PLEASE!"

"You're already half way!"

"Yeah! But, I KNOW THAT HALF IS SAFE!"

"Ok! Fine. I don't have time for this. You go back." Yuugi attempted to squeeze past the kappa. Nitori squeaked and began attempting to grab at the rope railings trying to steady herself.

"YUUGI! STOP- YUUGI I-"

"NITORI!" Yuugi stomped and the entire bridge gave a violent sway. Nitori took a giant step back, and gripped the ropes so tightly it rubbed her skin raw.

"DON'T DO THAT!" Yuugi chortled.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? Oh," She stomped again, "this?" Nitori let out a blood curdling scream.

"Yes that!"

"Yes? Yes do it? Ok." She began stomping repeatedly. Nitori shrank back further and further. Tears began welling up in her large blue eyes.

"I'M GONNA DIE! I'M GONNA DIE! I'M GONNA DIE! I'M GONNA-" Her foot came in contact with solid rock again, "Oh.." A smile spread across her face; her cheeks tinted themselves a deep shade of pink. Yuugi took a step off the bridge and patted kappa's head.

"That'll do, Nitori. That'll do." Yuugi stepped past her to the castle; Nitori followed closely behind her.

"So, where is this firebreathing pain in the neck anyway?"

"Inside, waiting of us to rescue her."

"I was talkin' about the dragon, Yuugi."

Inside was as dark and creepy as the out. Cracks everywhere in the floor allowed steam from the lava to seep up into the room. Piles of bones and armor littered various parts of the floor. Crumbled beams lay destroyed and where they once stood the ceiling hung threateningly and unnaturally low. Nitori gave a tug at Yuugi's skirt.

"Are you afraid?"

"No, but shhhhhhhh!"

"Oh, good. Me neither." Nitori hissed back. Yuugi sighed; her warm breath partially steamed up the inside of her helmet. She squinted to see past the haze. "Of course there's nothing wrong with being afraid. Fears a sense of responsibility in a situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation I might add. A dragon that breaths fire is a dragon that breaths fire. Sure doesn't mean that you're a coward for being a little scared. You know what I mean?" Yuugi rolled her eyes. "Cuz I sure as heck ain't no coward, I know that!" Nitori stumbled over a crack in the floor. Yuugi stopped and spun around.

"Nitori, two things. Shut. Up. Now, go over there and see if you can find any stairs."

"Stairs? I thought we were lookin' for some parsley."

"The chick will be up the stairs in the highest room of the tallest tower."

"What makes you think she'll be there?"

"I read it in a book once."

"Well, cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. Oh, I'll find those stairs. I'll whoop their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they goin'." Nitori trotted off in the other direction. Yuugi gave an internal sigh of relief and kept on walking. "I'll take drastic steps. Kick em' to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here, right here, right now. I'd step all over it." A shadow cast over the kappa.

Yuugi shifted her helmet slightly, allowing some more of her wild blonde hair out. She glanced up, and paused. Up in the horizon in a tower was a single light pouring out.

"At least we know where the lady is.. But, where's the-"

"DRAAGGOOONN!" Nitori swung around in time to see a flash of red hair- then sprinted off. A rainbow glow blasting behind her. Nitori picked up enough speed, and got off the ground. She twisted down a narrow hallway leading back out into a much larger room, as the wall next to her collapsed in a wave of dust. Rainbow bullets blazed past her head. "YUUGI, IT'S NOT FIRE!" Nitori sped past Yuugi, who shoved her down out of the way, just as another wave of rainbow blazed past. Nitori toppled to the floor and curled in a ball trembling. Heavy footsteps behind her caused her blood to turn to ice- then, they paused.

"GOTCHA-" Nitori looked up to see Yuugi putting a tall muscular ginger in a headlock. The ginger squirmed and twisted violently, allowing an advantage. Yuugi's equally thick arm was grabbed, and the oni was flung clean off the ground and into the lit tower. Nitori hesitated just long enough to see Yuugi's crash landing, then darted away again, a typhoon of rainbow following closely in her wake. She ran down a hall to come to a dead end, then spun around as a wall caved in in front of her. Heavy footsteps echoed off the walls. Nitori felt tears stream down her cheeks. An enormous silhouette cast a shadow over the kappa. She spun around trembling.

"No! No! No!" Nitori took a step back and felt a stone wall. She was cornered. A figure stepped forward into the light of a crack in the ground. It moved in a position like a cat makes before it pounces. The shadow completely covered Nitori. "M-my! Look how tall you are!" The stance tensed. "I MEAN! HOW TALL AND HANDSO-" Part of the ground crumbled allowing more of the molten lake to shine through into the room. The lava cast a red glow allowing Nitori to see the dragon for the first time. A woman- equally as well built and tall as Yuugi with sleek scarlet hair that framed a round face. Brilliantly blue slanted eyes shone through thick orange eyelashes creating a seemingly unrealistic contrast. Her mouth- though stunning with her plump lips was twisted into a murderous toothy snarl. "I MEAN CURVY! AND THOSE WHITE SPARKLING TEETH! I-I-I know you must hear this from your food all the time, but you must bleach or something cuz that is one dazzling smile you got there!" The woman froze and blinked. "Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you're- just- just reekin' of feminine beauty!" The woman batted her thick lashes. "W-what's the matter with you? Got something in your eye?" She took two large strides forward forcing Nitori even further in the corner. "Oh- OH! Ohh..Man, I'd really love to stay, but, you know, I'm claustrophobic, and I dunno if it'd work out uh- YUUGI!"

Yuugi lifted herself off the ground. Every inch of her ached; she was sure she'd have bruises for weeks. She rose to her feet, and dusted herself off while glancing around trying to get reoriented. Movement caught her eye. She swung around to see a short girl with curly blonde hair and blazing green eyes staring up at her dumbstruck.

"Are you Parsee?"

" … I am.. Awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me."

"Aw, that's nice. Now, let's go!"

"But, wait! Miss, knight! This.. is our first meeting.. shouldn't it be a.. more-"

"Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time." Yuugi grabbed Parsee by the arm, and lead her to the door." She twisted the knob, but it was locked. She sighed and rammed it with her arm- the wood crumbled to the floor. The oni tightened her grip on Parsee and began pulling her down a spiraling flight of stairs. Parsee made a noise of protest.

"But, we have to make this romantic-!"

"Oh, I don't think so." Yuugi stopped as they came to the bottom of the stairs, and entered a small room with two hallways on each side. Parsee huffed.

"May I, at least, know the name of my champion?" Yuugi scratched her side.

"Uh, Yuugi." Parsee fluttered her eyelashes.

"Miss, Yuugi," She cleared her throat, "I pray that you take this as a token of my gratitude." She reached in her sleeve, and pulled out a small pink silk handkerchief. Yuugi hesitated, and took it.

"Thanks..?" She wiped an exposed part of her neck with it, and handed it back. Parsee made a face as she took it. In the distance, there was a shrill cry. The pair's heads shot in its direction.

"YOU DIDN'T SLAY THE DRAGON!?"

"IT'S ON MY TO DO LIST! Come on!" Yuugi grabbed Parsee again, and took off.

"But, this isn't right! You're supposed to charge in sword drawn, banner flying! That's what all the other knights did!"

"Yeah! Right before they burst into flames!"

"You know, that's not the point!" Parsee pulled out of the oni's grip and stomped her foot pouting. "Where are you going? The exit is that way!" She pointed to her left. Yuugi spun around to look at her.

"Well, I have to save my kappa." Parsee put her hands on her hips.

"What kind of knight are you?"

"One of a kind." Yuugi came up to large heavy wooden door and creaked it open to peek through.

"… I believe it's healthy to get to know someone. For a long period of time. It's gotta be old fashioned, you know.." Yuugi slid in, Parsee right behind her, and leaned over a balcony. The two raised an eyebrow as they saw Nitori backed into a corner of a bed as far as she could get away from the dragon. "I don't wanna rush into a- physical relationship. I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of this-" The dragon leaned forward and put a long finger on Nitori's lips. The kappa blushed down past her neckline. "Magnitude." She mumbled. The ginger moved her finger from her lips to cup the kappa's face. "Hey! That is unwanted physical contact!" The woman leaned back and blasted a stream of rainbow towards the ceiling lighting a large chandelier dangling high above. "H-hey-"

"HEY!" The dragon's head shot up. Nitori took this distraction as an opportunity. She reached in her back, and pulled out a remote. With a beep two large spring loaded arms shot forward at the dragon. She swung around, eyes blazing. She raised and arm and tensed attempting to block them, but they clipped against her skin and tangled themselves around her body. Nitori was flung back with the recoil and tossed off the side of the bed. Yuugi jumped over the balcony's edge and scooped up the kappa in one arm. The two shot back up towards Parsee, a blaze of rainbows blasting violently behind them. Yuugi grabbed the girl, and darted back out the door down a large echoing room with thick bold pillars attempting to keep the heavy ceiling up. Behind them the dragon lunged after them, Nitori's mechanical arms, wrecked and tangled around her body, dragged limply behind her sparking against the stone floor. Yuugi swung and twisted around the pillars several times allowing the long dragging metal arms to stretch and tangle over each other. The oni stopped in her tracks, and put Nitori and Parsee down.

"Ok, you two. Head for the exit!" Yuugi watched the pair fly in the other direction, then picked up a sword from a pile of armor nearby. She raised it, and brought it down through the stone ground where the metal overlapped. Then, she made her way out herself. The trio reached the door and flew out just as a wave of rainbow came at them. They took off and flew across the lake of lava as the wooden bridge was pummeled by the blaze and burst into flames. The dragon stomped out after them attempting to take off, but the metal twisted around her snagged and pulled her down. She swung around eyes wide as she realized what happened. She attempted to free herself in vein as the metal became more and more warped around her body. The woman let out a cry of defeat.

"You did it! You rescued me! You're amazing! You're- you're wonderful. You're-" Parsee did a couple happy twirls, but froze as she saw Yuugi and Nitori collapse in exhaustion in a heap of panting flesh. "A little unorthodox, I'll admit, but.." She turned pink and pranced up to the two grinning ear to ear. "The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, brave knight." Yuugi stiffened and shifted back.

"Uh, no."

"W-why not?"

"I- I have helmet hair."

"Please, I'd like to see you." Parsee put her hands behind her back and swayed.

"Oh, no you wouldn't."

"But, how will you kiss me?" Yuugi froze.

"What? That wasn't in the job description." Nitori shot up giggling.

"Maybe it's a perk?"

"No! It's destiny! You must know how it goes! A damsel in distress is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true loves first kiss!"

"Hm? With Yuugi?" Nitori chuckled. "You think- wait, wait, wait. You think Yuugi is your true love?"

"Well… Yes." Yuugi and Nitori glanced at each other and burst out laughing. "What's so funny?" Parsee's cheeks puffed up in a pout.

"Let's just say, I'm not your type. Ok?"

"Of course you are! You're my rescuer. Now- remove your helmet."

"Look, I really don't think this is a good idea!"

"Just take off the helmet.."

"I'm not going to!"

"Take it off!"

"NO!" Yuugi's voice came out a little louder than she intended. Parsee began whimpering. Her emerald eyes welled up. "OK! I'll do it! Easy!" Yuugi sighed and got to her feet. She paused, then reluctantly reached up, and pulled off the helmet. Her long messy hair flowed out over her shoulders broad shoulders. Her single red horn protruding obnoxiously from her forehead shone vibrantly in the light. Parsee's mouth fell open.

"Y-you're an.. oni."

"Oh, you were expecting a goddess?"

"Yes, actually.." Parsee sighed and ran her hands through her wavy hair. "You're not supposed to be an oni.."

"Lady, I was sent to rescue you by Lady Remilia ok? She's the one who wants to marry you."

"Well, then why didn't she come rescue me?"

"Good question. You should ask her that when we get there."

"But, I have to be rescued by my true love.. Not by some oni and her- her turtle.."

"Look, lady. You're not making my job any easier."

"Well, I'm sorry, but.. You can tell Lady Remilia, if she wants to rescue me properly.. I'll be waiting here." She sat down and on a dry old tree stump and folded her arms.

"Hey," Yuugi stomped up to the girl, "I'm nobody's messenger girl ok?" She leaned down inches from her face. "I'm a delivery girl."

"You wouldn't dare." Yuugi flung the shrieking girl over her shoulder, and spun around to the kappa.

"You coming kappa?"

"Aw, yeah. Right behind ya."

"Ok, so here's another question." Nitori flew up next to the oni and girl. "Say there's a woman that digs you, but you don't really like her THAT way. Now, how do you let her down real easy so that her feelings aren't hurt and you're not burned to a crisp and eaten." Parsee sighed and squirmed a little in the oni's grasp.

"You just tell her she's not your true love. Really, if-" Yuugi shrugged her shoulder giving Parsee a violent bounce. She huffed; her cheeks puffed out and turned pink. "The sooner we get to SDM the better."

"Aw yeah, you're gonna love it there. It's beautiful!"

"And what's my wife to be like?" Parsee turned even pinker. Yuugi gave a chuckle as she landed on a grassy riverbank, and put Parsee down.

"Well, let me put it this way. Women of her stature are in… short supply." The oni's laugh vibrated through the air. She plopped down next to the water and put her feet in. Nitori landed next to her giggling.

"I don't know, Yuugi. There are those who think little of her." The broke out in a laughing fit.

"Stop it! Both of you! You're just- jealous that you can't measure up to a fine woman like her!"

"Yeah," Yuugi stood up scratching her chin. "I'll just let you do the measuring when we get there tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Parsee's long ears perked up; she noticeably paled. "It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp?"

"No, that'll take longer. We can keep going."

"But, there's robbers!" Parsee's voice changed to a beg.

"Woah, time out, Yuugi." Nitori stopped in her tracks. "Campings definitely starting to sound good!"

"Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this fores-" A low moan caught Yuugi off guard. She turned around to see Parsee's lip trembling; her eyes had begun to well up again. "OK! OK!"

Yuugi pushed a large rock much bigger than her out of the way. A small inlet like a tiny cave was revealed.

"How about this?"

"It-it's fine. It just needs a few homey touches." Yuugi turned around raising an eyebrow at Parsee.

"Homey touches? Like what?" The girl stepped in front of a giant knobby tree, and ripped off a large strip of bark.

"A door." She trotted over to the cave and slid inside, and propped the wood up. "Well, goodnight, ladies." Her voice called from the other side.

"Do you want me to come in there and read you a bedtime story?" Nitori leaned in attempting to peak past the wood.

"I said goodnight!" Yuugi and Nitori glanced at each other both mirroring the same annoyed expression.

As night set in the kappa and oni dragged up a down tree's trunk as a type of pillow, and created a small crackling fire for warmth. Yuugi growled at herself as she realized her flask was empty. The kappa noticed, and pulled out a small bottle of an odd flavored beer that she handed to the woman with a grin. Yuugi took a cautious sip and spit it out with a gag. Nitori laughed and took it back. Together they sat around the fire gazing up at the stars.

"..And that one, that's Throwback, the only oni to ever spit over three wheat fields."

"Right.. Yeah. Hey, can you tell my future from these stars?"

"Well, the stars don't tell the future, Nitori. They tell stories." She pointed up, "Look, there's Bloodnut the flatulent." She chortled. "You can guess what he's famous for."

"Alright, now I know you're making this up!"

"No, look. There he is- and there's a group of hunters running away from his stench."

"Man, they ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots."

"You know, Nitori. Sometimes things are more than they appear. Hm?" She glanced over at the kappa who stared blankly ahead. "Forget it."

"Hey, Yuugi. What we gonna do when we get our land anyway?"

"Our land?"

"You know, when we're through rescuing this chick, and all that stuff."

"We? There's no we there's no our it's just me, and my land. And, the first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten foot wall around it." The oni rolled over.

"You cut me deep, Yuugi. You cut me real deep just now." She sat up and poked at the oni's back. "You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out."

"No? Do you think?"

"Are you hiding something?"

"Nevermind, Nitori." The oni sat up.

"Ooooh, this is another one of those onion things isn't it?"

"No, this is one of those drop it and leave it alone things."

"Well, why don't you wanna talk about it?"

"Why do you want to talk about it?"

"Well, why are you blocking?"

"I'm not blocking."

"Oh, yes you are!"

"Nitori! I'm warning you."

"Who you trying to keep out, Yuugi? Just tell me that. Who?"

"EVERYONE OK?"

"Oh, nowww we gettin' somewhere."

"Oh, lord."

"Hey, what's your problem, Yuugi. What you got against the whole world anyway?"

"Look, I'm not the one with a problem ok. It's the world that seems to have a problem with me!" Yuugi stood up and began pacing. "People take one look at me, and go 'Ah, run help! It's a big stupid ugly oni!" She stopped and sighed. "They judge me before they even know me." She sat down with a thud and ran a hand through her hair. "That's why I'm better off alone." Nitori frowned and patted the woman on the back.

"You know what? When we met I didn't think you were just a big stupid ugly oni."

"Yeah, .. I know."

"So, uh.. are there any kappas up there?" Yuugi let out a small chuckle.

"Well, there's um.. Gabby.. the small and annoying."

"Ok, ok. I see it now. The big shiny one right there. That one there?"

"That's the moon."

"Oh, ok.."

Parsee stepped out of the small cave and stretched. The sun, that had just begun to peek over the hills in the east, warmed the early morning air. Parsee yawned and glanced at the oni and kappa still asleep nearby. Nitori lay sprawled out and drooling while using her backpack as a pillow. Yuugi was curled up across from the kappa; her usual wild blonde hair had turned into nothing less than a bird's nest, and it stuck out so fiercely it wasn't hard to imagine it having a mind of its own. Parsee gave a weak smile at the duet, and turned away walking into a forested area.

…

Yuugi woke up to the smell of something good cooking. Her stomach gave a violent growl that made her wonder when the last time she ate was. Beside her, Nitori woke up talking.

"Yeah, you know I like it like that. Yeah, nn- I say I-" Yuugi sat up and gave Nitori a forceful jerk.

"Nitori, wake up." The kappa opened her eyes She blinked a few times then remembered where she was. She sat up with a yawn.

"Morning…" The pair glanced over to see Parsee sitting over a small fire pit frying eggs. Yuugi rasied an eyebrow. "Um.. How do you like your eggs?" Parsee gave a shy smile and fluttered her eyelashes. Nitori was instantly on her feet.

"Good morning, Parsee!" The kappa trotted over to the girl grinning like crazy. Yuugi stayed where she was face unreadable.

"What's all this about?"

"You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday, and I wanted to make it up to you." She handed Nitori an egg on a makeshift plate and carried one over to the oni. "I mean, after all. You did rescue me.." Yuugi scratched the back of her head.

"Uh.. thanks." She took it and began shoveling it into her mouth.

"Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us!" Parsee gave a beaming grin at the two. Nitori and Yuugi exchanged confused glances.

The three walked along a barely noticeable path through the forest. The path, nearly entirely covered with grass and shrubs was obviously very rarely used. The trio went along wordlessly. The only sounds were the birds chirping in the trees, and the wind rustling leaves.

Yuugi belched.

"Yuugi!" Nitori scrunched up her nose.

"What? It's a complement! Better out than in I always say."

"Well, it's no way to behave in front of a dame!"

"I am a dame!" Yuugi chortled. Beside them Parsee broke out into a giggling fit. The kappa and oni paused and turned around to look at her. Parsee looked up at the two while gasping for air. She wiped her eyes as tears began forming. "What?" Parsee shook her head as she regained her breath.

"Nothing, nothing. You're just so built and all. The girl gave one final snort and went quiet. The three stood in silence for a moment before Parsee too let out a burp. Yuugi took a step back as if she'd been hit by some invisible force. Nitori's mouth fell open.

"She's as nasty as you!" Parsee giggled and kept on walking past the two. Yuugi put her hands on her hips as she watched the girl pass.

"You know, you're not exactly what I was expecting."

"Maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them." Parsee called back over her shoulder. Yuugi stared after her for a moment, brow furrowed.

"hahaaaAaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" A figure swooped by picking up Parsee as it went.

"Parsee!" Yuugi and Nitori took a step forwad. The figure swooped up, and landed up in a nearby tree. A tall woman with long braided silver hair stood next to Parsee arm wrapped tightly around her. Parsee struggled attempting to break her grasp.

"What are you doing!?"

"HAhA! Be still, miss. For, I am your savoir! And, I am rescuing you from this-" She grabbed Parsee's hand and made a quick trail of kisses up her arm. "-beast!" Parsee pulled her arm back with a grunt. Yuugi ran over to the tree eyes flaming.

"Hey! That's my dame! Go find your own!"

"Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here?!"

"Look, pal. I don't know who you think you are!"

"-Ah!" The woman put a hand to her forehead. "Of course. How rude. Please let me introduce myself. Oh, girls~!" Down near Yuugi and Parsee two girls popped out from behind the bushes: one tall with long lavender hair and an accordion; the other tiny with short curly brown hair and a flute. Both had matching bunny ears that bobbed with every move. The tall woman next to Parsee cleared her throat. "I steal from the rich and give to the needy."

"She takes a wee percentage-"The woman jumped down to land between the bunny girls.

"But, I'm not greedy .I rescue pretty princesses, man. People smile with glee.. "

"Yagokoro!"

"I'm an MD." The trio broke out in an Irish dance.

"I like this type. A little saucy little maide."

"What she's basically saying is she likes to get-"

"Paid!"

"SO!"

"When an oni in a bush grabs a lady by the tush- that's bad!"

"That's bad. That's bad! THAT'S BAD!"

"When a beautys with a beast it makes me awfully mad."

"She's mad! She's really really mad!"

"I will take my blade and run in trough your heart- keep your eyes on me, girls. Because I'm about to staaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-" The woman was blasted sideways by a large green orb.

"Man, that was annoying!" Parsee jumped out of the tree and started firing enormous blazing green bullets at the singing trio. Streaming behind each large bullet a trail of pink flowers blazed by. The bunny girls dropped their instruments and started attacking Parsee. The taller one shot a wave of blue and red bullets while Yagokoro got up. She growled and pulled out a bow and arrow and shot at the blonde. She dodged it, and in an instant, there were two Parsees. One continued firing the big bullets while the other shot out a steady stream of smaller ones. The green light from the bullet rain was so intense Yuugi and Nitori had to cover their eyes. There was the noise of more fighting then it went silent and the glow subsided. The kappa and oni opened their eyes to see Parsee standing alone and smiling at them. Their mouths fell open. She giggled.

"Shall we?" She turned around and kept on walking.

"Hold the phone.." Yuugi forced her jaw shut and stomped after her. Nitori swallowed and followed. "Woah, woah, woah. Hold on! Where did that come from?"

"What?"

"That! Back there! That was amazing! Where did you learn that?"

"Well.. When you live alone you have to learn these things in case there-" Parsee's eyes went wide. "THERE'S AN ARROW IN YOUR BUTT!"

"What?" Yuugi looked over her shoulder to see that there was, in fact, an arrow in her butt. "Would you look at that."

"Oh, no- this is all my fault. I'm so sorry." Parsee ran her hands through her hair. All the blood drained from Nitori's face.

"Yuugis hurt? Yuugis hurt! Oh, no! Yuugis gonna die!" Yuugi sighed.

"Nitori."

"Oh, you can't do this to me, Yuugi! I'm too young for you to die! Keep your legs elevated! Turn your head and cough! Does anybody kno-" Parsee put her hands over the kappa's mouth.

"Nitori, calm down! If you want to help Yuugi, you'll run into the forest, and bring back a blue flower with red thorns!" Nitori nodded to herself.

"Blue flower red thorns! I'm on it! Blue flower red thorns. Don't die, Yuugi! And, if you see a long tunnel, STAY AWAY FROM THE LIGHT!"

"Nitori!"

"Oh, yeah. Blue flower red thorns!" The kappa darted out into the forest. Yuugi turned to Parsee.

"What are the flowers for?"

"For getting rid of Nitori."

"Ah."

"Now, you hold still, and I'll yank-" Parsee grabbed the arrow. Yuugi flinched away.

"OW! HEY! Easy with the yanking!"

"Well, I'm sorry, but it has to come out! Now-" Parsee made another grab for the arrow; Yuugi shot back.

"No! It's tender!"

"Don't move!"

"What you're doing is not going to help!"

"Would you-"

"Ok- would you-"

"Yuugi!"

"Time out!" Yuugi put one of her large hands over Parsee's face pushing the girl back. Parsee shoved it off with a huff.

"What do you suggest we do?"

"Blue flower red thorns! Blue flower red thorns! Blue flower red thorns!"

"OW!"

"HOLD ON, YUUGI! I'M COMIN'!" Nitori grabbed into a bush and pulled out a blue flower. She plucked it and darted back towards Yuugi and Parsee.

"OW! Not good!" Yuugi was lying flat on her back; Parsee stood over her grasping the arrow.

"Ok. No- ok! It's just about to-" She gave a small tug and Yuugi rolled over. Parsee stumbled and landed directly on the oni- their face inches apart, Yuugi's horn poking Parsee's forehead back. Parsee's green eyes went wide, Yuugi's mirrored the girls shocked expression. They stared at each other flabbergasted. Next to them Nitori cleared her throat. Yuugi and Parsees' heads shot in her direction. The kappa stood there smirking with hands on her hips.

"Nothing happened." Yuugi shoved Parsee off of her. "We were just-"

"Look if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask ok?"

"Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. Parsee was just-" Yuugi shrieked. Parsee stood next to her waving the arrow in her hand triumphantly. "Ow…"

"Hey, what's that.. is- is that.. blood?" Nitori fained. Yuugi sighed, and scooped the kappa up.

Off in the distance a faint silhouette of a castle like mansion reached up over the horizon.

"There it is, Parsee.. Your future awaits you."

"That's SDM?" Nitori shoved in between Yuugi and Parsee to get a better view.

"Yeah, I know. You know Yuugi think's Remilia's compensating for something. Which I think means she's got a really-" Yuugi gave Nitori a shove.

"I- uh.." Yuugi cleared her throat. "I mean I guess we'd better move on." Parsee stared at the ground.

"Sure, but.. I, Yuugi?" The oni turned towards the girl.

"I'm.. I'm worried about Nitori."

"What?"

"I mean, look at her! She doesn't look so good!" Parsee folded her arms.

"What are you talkin' about? I'm fine." Parsee took a step towards the kappa and grabbed her shoulders.

"That's what they always say! Then- then- then you're on your back.. dead!" Nitori's eyes went wide.

"You know she's right." Yuugi approached the two. "You look awful! Do you want to sit down?"

"You know? I'll make you some tea!" Parsee let go of the kappa.

"Well, I didn't wanna say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck. And, when I turn my head like this-" Nitori tilted her head earning a crack.

"Who's hungry?" Yuugi put her hands on her hips grinning. "Find us some dinner!"

"I'll get the fire wood!" Yuugi and Parsee took off in opposite directions.

"Hey, where you goin'?!" Nitori looked around bottom lip trembling. "I think I need a hug.."

Yuugi and Parsee sat around a small fire, sticks held up a makeshift rotisserie with two small animals roasting on the fire. Parsee bit into her own making content noises.

"This is good. I mean this is really good. What is this?"

"Weed rat. Rotisserie style." Parsee looked up as Yuugi sat beside her.

"No kidding? Well, this is delicious."

"Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weed rat stew." Parsee giggled and wiped her mouth. She glanced out into the distance, and froze as she saw SDMs outline.

"I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night." Parsee's eyes fell to the ground. Yuugi swallowed.

"Maybe you could come visit me in the old hell sometime. I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you. Toad soup, fish eyed tarts you name it."

"I'd like that." Parsee glanced up and gazed into Yuugi's red eyes. The oni's mouth formed into a stupid grin.

"Um.. Parsee..?"

"Yes… Yuugi?"

"I, um, I was wonderin'.." The woman ran a large hand through her hair. She turned away to stare at the ground. "Are you-?" She turned back and felt her face heat up. "Are you gonna eat that?" Parsee forced a smile and handed Yuugi her dinner. Yuugi reached for it, but hesitated as her skin came in contact with Parsee's hand. The pair stared at each other, green on red.

"Man," They jumped as Nitori plopped down between them. "Isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset." Parsee jumped to her feet.

"Sunset?! It's late! It's very late!" She took a few clumsy steps backwards towards a small abandon cottage nearby.

"What?"

"Wait a minute, I see what's goin' on here! You're afraid of the dark aren't you?"

"Yes!" Parsee let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding. "Yes that's it! I'm terrified! You know, I'd better go inside."

"Don't feel bad, Parsee. I used to be afraid of the dark to. Until- hey, no wait. I'm still afraid of the dark!" Parsee reached the door of the cabin, and peered over her shoulder.

"Goodnight." She slipped in. Yuugi growled quietly to herself.

"Goodnight." Nitori made a noise beside the oni.

"Ohhhh, now I really see what's goin' on here."

"Oh, what you talkin' about?"

"Hey, I don't even wanna hear it. I'm an animal, and I've got instincts. I know that you two are diggin' on each other. I can feel it!" Yuugi plopped down next to the fire with a thump.

"Oh, you're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Remilia."

"Oh, come on, Yuugi. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go in there, and tell you how you feel."

"There's nothing to tell! Besides! Even if I did tell her- well, you know.. And, I'm not saying I do! Cuz I don't. She's so- and I'm.."

"An oni?"

"Yeah.. An oni." Yuugi got up and began stomping away.

"Hey, where you goin'?"

"To get more firewood."

Nitori creaked open the heavy wooden door as quietly as she could.

"Parsee?" She took a few steps in, and closed the door behind her. "Hey, Parseeee?" The inside of the cabin was coating with a thick layer of dust. Cobwebs stretched across tall beams. Shadows spilled out everywhere they could. Nitori had to pause to let her eyes adjust. "Parsee, where are you?" Some animal above her was startled, and fluttered out a hole in the roof. "Parsee?" A floorboard near her squeaked. The kappa jumped. "It's very spooky in here, and I ain't playin' no games…" Nitori took a couple more steps in, and stopped dead in her tracks. In the shadows two green orbs were blazing at her. Nitori felt a chill run down her spine. "Parsee, what're you doin' back there?" The orbs stared back silently. Nitori gulped and took a step forward; the orbs did the same. Parsee stepped into a beam of light cast by the moon. Her face was twisted into a murderous sneer. She was biting her thumb so forcefully a drop of blood ran down her chin. Nitori shuddered. "Wha- what are you?"

"Nitori, I never noticed how fucking blue your hair is." Parsee's voice, instead of its usual quiet sweet tone, came out like a growl. Nitori took a step back. Parsee took a step forward.

"Parsee? What's up with you.. You're uh… different."

"I'm jealous, ok?" Parsee took another step forward. A shadow cast over part of her face. She took her thumb out of her mouth to curl her lips into a snarl. Her teeth glinted in the moonlight.

"W-was it something you ate? Cuz I told Yuugi those rats were a bad idea."

"No!" Parsee lashed forward slightly, "I've been this way as long as I can remember." Her green eyes turned into flaming slits.

"What you mean? I mean I ain't never seen you like this before." Nitori bit her lip.

"It only happens when the sun goes down. By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm until you find true loves first kiss. Then, take loves true form." Her voice cut through the air like daggers.

"Aw, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry."

"It's a spell!" Parsee hissed. She glared knives at the kappa. "When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this.. This fucking beast!" Parsee pulled at her hair and curled into a ball on the floor. She rocked herself silently for a few minutes. She paused and looked up at Nitori, her eyes as homicidal as ever. "I was placed in a tower to await my true love to rescue me. That's why I have to marry Remilia, tomorrow, before the sun sets, and she sees me like this." Tears began to flow from her eyes despite her expression remaining completely the same. Nitori swallowed.

"All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that bad. Well, you are- you are, I'm not gonna lie, kind of crazy. But, you're only like this at night. I know people like that 24/7."

"But, Nitori." The girl ran a desperate hand through her hair as if she were trying to tear the emotions from her skull. "I'm a lady. And, this is not how a girl is supposed to act." She clenched her jaw and began grinding her teeth. Nitori crouched down next to the girl and put a hand on her shoulder. Parsee violently shrugged it off.

"Parsee, how about you don't marry Remilia?"

"I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell. " Nitori leaned in closer to beam a smile at Parsee.

"But, you know what they say, jealous women turn into onis. And Yuugi.. Well, you got a lot in common."

"Yuugi?" Parsee wiped her eyes.

"Parsee.. I- uh, how's it goin' first of all.. Good? I, um, good for me too. I'm ok. I saw this flower, and thought of you because, well, it's pretty." Yuugi looked down at the sunflower clenched in her hand. "I don't really like it, but I thought you might like it because you're pretty. But, I like you anyway..I- uh.. I'm in trouble.." Yuugi ran her hand through her hair and paused outside the cabin's door. She took a deep breath, and-

"Who could ever love such a beast? Lady and beast don't go together, and that's why I can't stay here with Yuugi. My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love." Yuugi felt something inside of her deflate as if someone had taken her heart in their fist and squeezed all the life out of it. "Don't you see, Nitori? That's just how it has to be." Yuugi huffed and threw the flower on the ground. She stomped away. "That's the only way to break the spell."

"Well, you at least gotta tell Yuugi the truth."

"No!" Parsee snapped. "Nobody can know!"

"What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets?" Parsee moved her face inches from the kappa; she flashed her teeth in a snarl.

"Promise you won't tell. Promise!" Nitori sighed and walked towards the door.

"Alright, alright. I won't tell her. But, you should." Nitori walked out. "When all this is over I'm gonna need a lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin'." Parsee peered out the door as Nitori walked away. She caught a glimpse of something yellow on the ground. She looked down to see the sunflower. Parsee snarled, overwhelmed by the flowers vibrant color, and stomped on it. She grinded her teeth, and slammed the door behind her.

Parsee sat on the dusty floor tucking her knees to her chest. She sighed, got up, and walked to the door. Her hand paused on the knob. Was she really going to do this? She shook her head and creaked open the door.

"Yuugi?" She forced up any sweetness she had into her voice, but it didn't come out as she'd hoped. Her voice calling into the early morning air cracked. She mentally cursed herself. She felt a wave of jealousy flood over her as she saw the sun peaking over the horizon. Why the hell did it get to be so fucking bright all the time? There was a flash of light then, in an instant, all traces of envy left her body. A bang of guilt ran through her. Yuugi came stomping over, and went right past her.

"Yuugi! Are you alright?"

"Perfect." The oni grunted. "Never been better."

"I- there's something I need have to tell you."

"You don't have to tell me anything, Parse!" Yuugi snapped. She spun around glaring. "I heard enough last night."

"You heard what I said?"

"Every word."

"I thought you'd understand!"

"Oh, I understand. Like you said, 'Who could ever love a beast?" Parsee felt her heart twist with a sharp pain.

"But, I thought that wouldn't matter to you.." Her voice came out in barely a whisper.

"Yeah, well it does." Parsee's bottom lip started trembling. In the distance a horn blared. Parsee turned to see a small crowd approaching them. "Ah, right on time. Parsee, I brought you a little something." A group of four or five soldiers, a tall thin silver-headed woman, and a small smirking girl came to a stop in front of them. The girl took a step forward towards Parsee, and bowed.

"Parsee."

"As promised." Yuugi took a step forward towards the girl. "Now hand it over."

"Very well, oni. The deed to your land. Cleared out as agreed. Take it and go." The girl held out a small scroll that Yuugi snatched from her hand. "Before I change my mind."

"Forgive me, Parsee, for startling you. For you have startled me. For I have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I am Lady Remilia." Remilia took Parsee's hand and kissed it. Next to her The silver-head made a face.

"No, no. Forgive me, my lady. I was just saying a short goodbye."

"Oh, that is so sweet." Remilia gave a toothy grin. "You don't have to waste good manners on an oni. It's not like it has feelings." She chuckled. Yuugi glared at the ground. Parsee glanced up at her face and pouted.

"No, you're right. It doesn't." Yuugi made a face, and began walking away. Remilia waved the topic aside.

"Parsee. Beautiful, fare, Parsee. I ask your hand in marriage." Remilia knelt on one knee. "Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect… bride?" Parsee glanced at Yuugi's back as the oni walked.

"Lady Remilia, I accept. Nothing would make me-"

"Excellent! I'll start the plans! For tomorrow we wed!"

"NO!" Everybody froze. Yuugi glanced over her shoulder. "I-I mean why wait? Let's get married today before sunset." Yuugi growled, and stormed away. Remilia nodded.

"Oh, anxious are we? You're right. The sooner the better. There's so much to do! The caterer, the band, the guest list. Sakuya, round up some guests!" Nitori, who'd been watching the entire exchange mouth again ran after Yuugi.

"Yuugi, what're you doin'? You're lettin' her get away!"

"Yeah, so what?"

"Yuugi, there's something about her you don't know. I talked to her last night. She's-"

"Yeah, I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals aren't ya?" Yuugi felt a lump forming in her throat. "Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow HER home?"

"But, Yuugi! I wanna go with you!"

"Hey, I told you didn't I?!" Yuugi spun around and stopped. "You're not coming home with me! I live alone! My land! Me! Nobody else! Nobody! Understand?! Especially useless, annoying, pathetic, TALKING KAPPAS!"

"But- I thought-"

"Yeah, YOU KNOW WHAT? You thought wrong!" Yuugi spun back around and stormed off leaving Nitori standing alone, blue eyes watering.

Yuugi stopped in her tracks as she saw her house. As dusty and dry as ever. She sighed to herself, and stomped inside. A cloud of dust greeted her as she stepped inside. Everything was tossed across the room. Her empty bottles were lying around the floor. Her table was now missing a leg, and tilted down looking exhausted. Her futon had somehow managed to wind up torn in half- its single thin blanket was lying in a puddle of something pink and sticky as if someone had tried to mop it up, but gave up. Yuugi plopped down on the bigger half of her futon, and put her head in her hands.

Nitori wandered back into the forest. She walked along for a while until she caught a glimpse of a red-head sitting by a lake's edge throwing rocks in. The kappa felt her stomach do a flip with guilt as the woman turned around revealing brilliantly blue slanted eyes shone through thick orange eyelashes creating a seemingly unrealistic contrast. Her mouth- though stunning with her plump lips was trembling. Nitori inhaled a deep breath, and took a seat next to the woman.

Parsee looked in the mirror. She was dressed head to toe in a gorgeous white gown. Sakuya knelt beside her tugging and adjusting at the beautiful white fabric whilst muttering to herself. Parsee sighed. A thin veil hung over her face, but through the silk she could see her green eyes staring back at her. She felt a shudder go down her spine.

Crack

Yuugi sat up, and listened.

Crunch

The woman got to her feet and opened the door.

"Nitori?" The kappa sat on a bench across from the house writing something down on a blue sheet of paper. "What are you doing?"

"I would think of all people you'd recognize a wall when you see one." The kappa spoke without looking up, but held out the paper to the oni. Yuugi took it and scanned it. It was littered with measurements and symbols she couldn't even hope to understand.

"Well.. yeah, but the walls supposed to go around my land, not through it."

"It is." Nitori looked up. "See, that's your half, and this is my half." The kappa took back the paper and began writing again.

"Oh, your half. Hm."

"Yes. My half. I helped rescue Parsee. I did half the work. I get half the booty." Yuugi took a step forward and got in the girl's face.

"Back off."

"No, YOU back off."

"This is MY land."

"Our land!"

"Stubborn bitch!"

"Smelly oni!"

"FINE!" Yuugi turned around and began storming away.

"Hey, come back here! I'm not through with you!"

"Yeah? Well, I'm though with you!"

"You know, with you, it's always me, me, me." The kappa got in front of the oni and stopped. "Well, guess what? Now, it's my turn! So, you just SHUT UP, and pay attention. You are mean to me, you insult me, and you don't appreciate anything I do. You're always pushing me around, or pushing me away."

"Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad how come you came back?" Nitori let out a growl, grabbed Yuugi by the shirt, and pulled her to eye-level.

"Because that's what friends do. They forgive each other!" Yuugi shoved the girl off.

"Oh, yeah, yeah. You're right, Nitori. I forgive you. FOR STABBING ME IN THE BACK!"

"You're so wrapped up in layers, onion girl, you're afraid of your own feelings!"

"Go away!"

"See! There you are doing it again just like you did to Parsee. All she ever did was like you- maybe even love you!"

"Love me? She called me a beast! I heard the two of you talking!"

"She wasn't talkin' about you! She was talkin' about- somebody else.." Yuugi's face softened.

"She.. wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about?"

"Nuh uh! No way! I ain't saying anything! You don't wanna listen to me right? RIGHT?"

"Nitori!"

"No!"

"Ok! Look, I'm sorry! Alright?" The oni rolled her eyes. Nitori stared up at her wordlessly. The oni sighed. "I'm sorry.. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly oni.. Can you forgive me?" Nitori's stone expression cracked into a smile.

"Hey, that's what friends are for right?"

"Right." Yuugi extended a hand. "Friends?" Nitori shook it.

"Friends."

"So, um.. What did Parsee say about me?"

"What're you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her?" Yuugi felt a jolt of panic.

"THE WEDDING!" The two looked at each other with a silent understanding, then took off.

"People of SDM we are gathered here today to bear witness to the union of-"

"Um.. Excuse me, can we just skip ahead to the 'I do's?" Parsee whispered. Beside her, Remilia chuckled, and waved it off.

"Go on."

Yuugi and Nitori landed outside the mansion's doors. Yuugi reached for the handle, but Nitori pushed the oni away.

"Yuugi, wait- wait- you wanna do this right don't ya?"

"What are you talking about?"

"There's a line you gotta wait for! The priest is gonna say 'speak now, or forever hold your peace', and that's when you say, 'I object!"

"Oh, I don't have time for this!"

"Wait, what are you doin'? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman dontcha?"

"Yes?"

"And you wanna hold her?"

"Yes?"

"Please her?"

"YES!"

"Then ya- gotta gotta gotta try a little tenderness! These chicks love that romantic crap!"

"Alright, cut it out! When does this guy say the line?!" Nitori opened her mouth, but no words came out.

"We gotta check it out." The two stuck their ears to the door.

"And, so, by the power invested in me.. I-"

"He already said it!"

"Oh, for the love of Pete!" Yuugi slammed open the doors and ran down the aisle. The crowd in the benches gasped and leaned away. "I OBJECT!"

"Yuugi?" Parsee spun around, unable to keep her smile down."

"Oh, now what does she want?" Remilia growled. The oni ran up to the alter and stopped.

"What are you doing here?" Parsee's voice came out in a snarl. Remilia stepped forward fuming.

"Really, it's rude enough being alive when nobody wants you, showing up uninvited to a wedding-"

"Parsee!" Yuugi's voice came out louder than intended. "I need to talk to you."

"Oh, now you want to talk? Well it's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me." Parsee puckered her lips and leaned in towards Remilia. Yuugi grabbed the girl by the arm, and pulled her back.

"But, you can't marry her!"

"And why not?"

"Because- She's just marrying you so she can be queen!" Remilia's mouth fell open.

"Outrageous! Parsee, don't listen to her-"

"She's not your true love!"

"And what do you know about true love?"

"Well-" Yuugi turned pink. "I-"

"Oh, this is precious…" Remilia let out a dark giggle. "The oni has fallen in love with Parsee. Oh, good lord."

"Yuugi," Parsee took a step forward, "is this true?" Yuugi opened her mouth-

"Who cares?! It's preposterous! Parsee, my love, we're a kiss away from our happily ever after- now kiss me!" The girl leaned forward. Parsee made a face, and put a finger on Remilia's lips, pushing her away.

"By night one way, by day another.. I wanted to show you before." Parsee took a step back. The glare of the setting sun blazed against her back. There was a bright light, then, as the glare faded Parsee came back into view snarling. Remilia raised an eyebrow.

"My love?" Parsee's head snapped in her direction; she eyed Remilia head to toe.

"Your face is so fucking round." Parsee took a step forward, and cupped Remilia's cheeks. Remilia's face softened, then turned into a cringe as Parsee dug her fingers into the girls cheeks as if trying to rip them off. Remilia struggled out of her grasp clutching them.

"My god, you bitch." Yuugi, who'd been silently observing the pair, raised an eyebrow. Nitori appeared behind her, and muttered.

"She goes batshit crazy after dark." Parsee glared daggers in her direction. Her lips turned into a homicidal sneer. Yuugi chuckled.

"Well, uh, that explains a lot." Remilia rubbed her cheeks again, and snapped.

"Guards! Guards! Get them both out of my sight!" In an instant they were being surrounded by dozens of armored men tugging and pulling at them. Yuugi shrugged two off, and turned around to hear Parsee let out an earsplitting shriek as she attempted to claw at some of them, but more and more kept coming.

"Parsee!" Yuugi attempted to break free, but five or six of them had her. Parsee saw this and attempted to elbow her way towards the oni.

"Yuugi!" More and more guards came in. Remilia began shouting over the commotion.

"This marriage is binding! And, this makes me queen! See! SEE!?" She threw off her bonnet, and put a gaudy grown on her head. The large doors slammed open again, and a wave of rainbow blasted in down the aisle and took out several guards. Nitori, who was buried under two or three guards let out a smothered chuckle.

"Hey, baby." The ginger smirked and darted- Everything froze. There was no sound- no movement- just

ticking.

Time started again, and everybody stopped in confusion.

"ENOUGH!" Sakuya stood in front of the crowd. Everybody stood gawking at her outburst.

"Sakuya, what's the-"

"YOU!" The woman held out a knife pointed at her mistress. Remilia took a step back. "SHUT UP, AND LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE!" The large room echoed with her voice. She took in a breath. "Don't you see what you're doing?" She motioned towards Yuugi, Parsee, and Nitori. "Absolutely none of these people are even worthy of being in your presence." The woman stepped forward, her shoes clacked against the floor obnoxiously loud. "You deserve better." She knelt down on one knee in front of Remilia. "I love you." Remilia's mouth fell open. She was unable to process words. "If you want to marry someone, I'd be honored if- if you chose me." Remilia's mouth, though still open as far as it could go, curled into a smile. She nodded, and jumped into Sakuya's arms, tears running down her face. Yuugi cleared her throat, and shrugged the guards off of her. They all stepped back without question. She approached Parsee grinning like an idiot.

"Uh, Parsee…?"

"Yes, Yuugi?" Her green eyes blazed up at the oni.

"I-I love you."

"Really?" Her eyes softened as if someone poured ice on a fire.

"Really really." Parsee let out a small noise that sounded like a laugh.

"I love you too." Yuugi bent over low enough, and kissed her. A blinding light formed around Parsee. She took a step back, and let it engulf her. It lingered for a moment, then faded. Parsee stood looking at her hands as it disappeared. She looked up- her eyes glinted with the same hatred they'd held ever since the sun had set. "I don't get it.. I'm not supposed to feel this way anymore." Her green eyes turned into flaming slits. "WHY-" The oni grabbed the girl's shoulders, and gave her a gentle shake.

"Hey, I don't care.. You're still you." She shot the girl a toothy grin. Parsee stared up at the oni for a minute, eyes blazing, then her lips curled into a smile.

"I love you." The oni chuckled, and leaned down again to give her another kiss. Nearby, Nitori giggled.

"I was hoping this would be a happy ending."

Yuugi crouched down to give Parsee a peck as they stood at their own alter in the former hell. The crowd, made up of dozens of mismatched women clapped and cheered as the two embraced. They pulled back, and ran back down their aisle. Parsee made a movement like she was going to throw her flowers, but then her eyes glinted green, she sneered, and clutched it to her chest. Yuugi rolled her eyes, picked the girl up bridal style, and planted a kiss on her forehead. Parsee giggled, and eventually did throw them. The crowd erupted as it was caught. Nitori glanced over to see the ginger had caught it. She fluttered her thick orange eyelashes at the kappa, who turned a deep crimson. Yuugi glanced back over her shoulder at Nitori, and chuckled. Nitori met her gaze, and laughed back. Yuugi carried Parsee off deep within the old hell, down a dusty path, into the heart of the capital to their new home in the dead center of town. The pair made their way inside, and locked the door behind them.

The End