The Left, it cannot be parodied. What you are about to read comes, not from The Onion, but from SF Gate. You might want to first tie an Ace bandage around your ribs to prevent cracking. Ready? Here you go:

There’s no shortage of their kind in the politically bluest parts of California. Liberals so freaked out about the prospect of President Obama losing his re-election bid that they can’t sleep at night. Can’t talk about anything else. Can’t stop parsing the latest polls. David Plouffe, one of President Obama’s top campaign strategists, has a word for supporters he feels are needlessly fretful: bed wetters. “Oh, I think I’m worse than that,” Kay Edelman said. For the past several weeks, the 60-year-old San Francisco resident has frequently bolted awake in the middle of the night, in “a panic attack,” she said. She darts for her computer and checks the latest polls. Some days she’s so distraught that she can’t exercise.

Did you get that? Mitt Romney prevents well-to-do Northern California vile progs from getting on the treadmill. He makes them wet their beds!

I’m even about to wet myself.

Is there something Romney can do that will permanently damage their vocal cords?