CARDS on the table, I’m not a No to Yes voter: I am a Yes to No to Yes voter. I voted Yes in the first Scottish independence referendum. I was caught up in the Caledonia fever, I was out of school, it was a halcyon summer and I was ready for a new future for Scotland.

My support for independence was born not out of any negative view of England or the Union in particular, but in a somewhat romantic belief that maybe it was right that we, the Scots, were in control of our own wee hills and glens.

It was after the loss, towards the end of the year with the emergence of Jeremy Corbyn as Labour leader, and another future that seemed to be dawning in Westminster politics that my precocious Yes changed to a firm No.

I would have by no means described myself as an ardent Unionist, but I came to see Scotland becoming independent as abandoning and therefore condemning people like me, who happened to live in England, Liverpool, Manchester, and London, to generations of Tory rule.

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Scotland stood with these areas against Thatcherism in the 80s, a time when the economic heart was ripped out of working communities the length and breadth of the country, regardless of national allegiances. I came to the conclusion that I could not assent to abandoning the millions of people like me who do not support south-east centric neo-liberalism, but because of their location 200 miles south of the Scottish border they could not pull the same eject cord and free themselves of Tory Westminster rule.

Then I turned back. A major turning point on my journey to be an ardent Yes supporter was the Brexit vote in 2016. On the morning of June 24 I was absolutely shell-shocked. I was disgusted and disappointed.

I did not see how the UK could have swallowed the story of its own exceptionalism so much so as to leave the most successful peace project in the history of the world and most effective economic area on the planet in order to satisfy a strange desire to “take back control”. I understand the EU is not perfect, but Brexit is going to be an unmitigated disaster.

READ MORE: From No to Yes: 'Why we need a credible plan for Independence'

The final nail in the coffin was the election result of December 2019. I worked for the anti-Brexit group Our Future, Our Choice for over a year. Pouring hours of my life into trying to reverse what I think will be one of the most profound political acts of self-harm a country has inflicted on itself.

After months of Westminster wrangling, when we got an election I was hopeful. Reading the exit polls, my heart broke. A “stonking majority” had been won for the Conservatives. The fight to stay in Europe was effectively over. Labour heartlands across the country fell into Conservative control. The very people I felt I would have been abandoning had inflicted a final defeat on the cause I held most dear.

In the week that followed I joined the Scottish National Party, and have reaffirmed my commitment to an independent Scotland.

I don’t think of Scottish independence as turning our back on Britain, but on Britain turning its back on Scotland.

This is not the modern Britain that I grew up in – nor one that I want to be a part of.