Why2 Fri 10-May-19 06:59:31

I sometimes offer my lodger food that is left over from after the dc have had their portions, but there isn’t a blanket eat whatever is out there assumption no.



When she cooks (sometimes, she mainly gets microwaveable stuff) she will sometimes say have what’s left, but I never just eat what she has left without asking.



This is further complicated by the fact that my ex h comes here after the dc have got home from school every day (while I am still at work) and apparently always offers her some of the food he has made.



However she would not have known that this food had been made by him (incidentally) as she was out when he cooked it. Or if she did see him cook it, that still doesn’t mean that she can just help herself when I am home.



The whole ex h thing is difficult for me as the divorce was very traumatic, we are not on speaking terms, I try never to cross his path, and he comes here virtually every day while I am at work. This is good for the dc and does make it easier for me because he cooks for them, but the boundaries are blurred.



I can’t have a whatever I cook I also offer to her rule (as ex seems to do) because I already look after 3 dc on my own and can’t afford to permanently feed a 5th person.



My lodger is also tight, and will literally jump at any opportunity to save money. When she initially came to stay she paid pin money every week. That was for about three months and she was probably delighted. Then she went away and came back again (with her dog) as a proper paying lodger but still pays below what I could get for the room (which doesn’t mean that I would necessarily charge anyone that much). She probably feels she is giving me an arm and a leg however as she comes from another country where the rents are cheaper.



She uses some of the basics in the kitchen but will sometimes top them up so that’s okay. Though that wasn’t pre-arranged, it just happened.



I probably come across as Scrooge in comparison with ex (though I do sometimes offer her food I have made) and the whole ex thing is annoying in itself. The fact that he doesn’t answer any text that I send about the kids ever, but is here every day offering my lodger food 🙄.



We have had family gatherings during which my sister and her partner come over. The three of us (me, my sister and her partner) all cook and contribute food. We had two of those and my lodger just rocked up and ate, without asking if she could contribute anything. When we organised the third one we asked her to also bring a dish, which to be fair she did. Maybe this is a cultural difference to do with being hospitable. The lines are a bit blurred because she is a family friend (ex partner of a cousin of mine), but still. Common courtesy to ask if you can finish what is in a pan I think.



It’s something about her evident delight that she is saving which is irritating.



She saved a stack of money when she was here the first time round (she gave me £100 a month - and this is zone 2 in London) for three months, but still didn’t want to go halves with my sister for a takeaway (but would have eaten some of it). It’s that type of thing.



In all other ways she is great and easy to live with.



Maybe I am mean. I am not mean per se, but I can’t be emotionally responsible for feeding another adult as well as the dc. I don’t think I have to have that role.



It basically comes down to courtesy I think -to ask if you can have some of the food which you did not cook.



Not sure how to bring it up now other than to innocently ask if she knows where that food is. It’s not the food itself, it’s the fact that it wasn’t for her to decide what happened to it without asking.



This is petty, I know. But my gut feeling when I saw that the food was gone was a bad one, and I feel she overstepped (and then put that empty pan along with others in the dishwasher which she filled and ran).



Shall I just drop this because to bring it up would make me seem like a lunatic??