One by one the world's deepest secrets yield to researchers. A left-handed academic from North Dakota has revealed that left-handers tend to die younger than right-handers. The "generally" right-handed population, he asserts, lasts on average to 68.7 years old. The generally left-handed live to just 65. Perplexingly, though, "extremely" left-handed people have an average death age of 67.4. And the ambidextrous fare best of all: their average age of death is just short of 70.

Since this confirms earlier research in California, it can probably now be added with some confidence to the stock of human knowledge. Except that it leaves many questions unanswered. Is the higher death rate of lefties attributable to their so-called cack-handedness? Or to the discrimination they suffer when classed as cack-handed - or as "sinister", "maladroit" or "lacking dexterity?" The professor rather limply suggests that they must just be "wired slightly differently." Would that also explain why, according to left-hander websites, Gerald Ford, Ronald Reagan, George Bush the elder and Bill Clinton were all south-paws - not to mention Ross Perot? No, as with all the best research, there is only one safe conclusion to be drawn from these findings. We need more research.