It's quite silly to talk about crushes now that I'm 24. At this point, I should have, at least, had a steady relationship, to which where I can draw wisdom from to know that crushes are for your raging hormone phase, known as high school. Sadly, I'm one of those people who paid too much attention to romance, than actually getting one. Hence, at 24 (ugh), I still satisfy my romantic hunger with, yes, crushes. That is why I was more than ecstatic upon reading what Sally Field's new movie is about.





Hello, My Name is Doris is a movie made to make you cringe with embarrassment, knowing that at one point, you were Doris. The movie will make you remember how, you were almost sure everything went slow-mo when crush walked by. Or how butterflies filled your stomach when crush walked towards your direction. Of course, there's that one time you cried because your learned crush is committed to someone else. And your first(?) sip of alcohol due to what you called 'a major heartbreak'. Hello, My Name is Doris will take you back few year prior as if watching your own delusional self. So, here the 5 stages of having a crush as told by Doris.





Stage 1: First Glance









Where it all starts. Or, with using more accurate adverbs and adjectives: where your delusional thinking and inappropriate thoughts start. You were almost sure that you 'were meant to be'. Ignoring that fact that crush is yet to be aware of your existence. This is also the stage where you suddenly turn FBI and starts using skills that was not taught in school for a reason. You thought research was synonymous to stalking. You were more aware of crush's schedule more than your own. You start day dreaming of the relationship you will be having, as well as the gifts you will be giving all through out the relationship.





Stage 2: The Moves









With much determination (or desperation), you will not allow your work to just be written on paper. This is where all your stalking research will be put to use. Most popular moves are 1. books being dropped when crush is about to walk by 2. asking for directions 3. texting the wrong number and 4. befriend crush's friend. Doris' move is one of a kind, almost original if not for the multitude of porns I've watched. With masterfully crafted equation, and a bit of luck, you might get crush's attention. Enough to be acquainted. Which, in our vocabulary is an inch away from the possibility of a relationship. Delusional much?





Stage 3: 'I liek that too!'









Still using the information you gathered, you have anticipated the activities you have to pretend to like. That might include sports, bands, movies, and books your mother warned you about. But because you are 'madly in love' and you have 'invested so much' you will push through no matter what. Even if it means losing yourself in the process (we're getting deep here). You might lose a few friends, gain a few enemies or lose a few pounds and some money. But the possibility of 100% ROI is too tempting even think of stopping. Well, you should have listened to those who came before you. Yes, there is a possibility that you will end up together. There is also a 70% chance (I didn't go to school for math) that you might reach the next stage.





Stage 4: But I thought...









Ahh alcohol. Not that I am familiar with such substance. But based on studies, this stage is where you will get more acquainted with these kinds of spirit. You will realize that your stalking research is not enough to get crush to love you. You will realize how stupid you have been, And how much time you wasted, which could have been an opportunity to improve yourself. Its either crush is committed, or the feeling is just not mutual. Either way, it will surely hurt as hell. This is also the stage where you get to appreciate artists such as, but not limited to Adele, Sam Smith, Coldplay, Amy Winehouse and Mojito Antonov.





Stage 5: Acceptance









Congratulations you brat! You finally realize that you don't always get what you want. Set yourself free and convince yourself that it's not your fault. There are better things that will come your way. Take the time to improve yourself so that maybe next time, the tables will be turned and someone will come chasing after you. Or not. But who cares? Nothing is certain. You might find someone after a year. Or maybe you will be Doris and still caught in the cycle, even at 65.





PS





I also don't know why I made this post. It's supposed to be a movie review. My mind works in a weird way sometimes. Most of the time. Yeah.