The Appeal Of An Older Guy: Why Are Older Men So Sexy?

Younger men are really not my thing. I’ve never been in a relationship with a guy younger than me; it wasn’t a conscious choice, just the way things have worked out. There’s never been a rejection of a guy, in a sex or relationship sense, just because he’s a bit younger than me. But when I’ve come to think about it, older men hold a particular and definite allure for me.

I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s a fetish, although I have more than my fair share of those. Kink is involved with some of my feelings about older men, but that’s not the sum total of it, either. It isn’t only kinky folk who agree that older men have their own brand of sex appeal.

A hot older guy –the hotness stemming from the fact they’re older, not simply due to their looks- is central to many Hollywood movie seduction scenes. And no, not just the controversial titles such as Dirty Dancing, American Beauty and, of course, Lolita. You seem to get your two main types of Hollywood romance movie; couples around the same age in romcoms, and pretty young things hooking up with older guys, the obvious age gap never mentioned. Such as in As Good As It Gets, Entrapment, and pretty much all the James Bond films.

Now, I’ve written my thoughts on age gap relationships in a separate post, so I won’t retread old ground. What is it that makes older men sexy? Or at least, sexy to me?

The Sexiness Of Older Men

After giving it some thought (vibrator-enhanced fantasies may or may not have been involved), I’ve concluded there’s a few reasons why older men appeal to me so much.

Please keep in mind that I’m talking about the ideal older man to me –I know that they don’t all share the same qualities. When I reference ‘older men’ below, I mean why I find the ideal in my mind so alluring. As with all fantasies and ideals, much of the time reality is far removed.

Genuine

Older men are often very genuine in their nature. Being at peace with themselves, having gotten to know themselves intimately over the years (character rather than simply anatomy!) results in a level of sincerity which is very attractive. Honesty is the most valued facet of a relationship for me; without honesty I just can’t move forwards with a relationship and can’t find someone attractive in the slightest.

Mature

It’s hoped that by a certain age, men will have a level of maturity which lends a distinguished, gentlemanly air. The brash egotism and testosterone-fuelled, bull-headedness of youth simply an embarrassing part of their past, best forgotten about.

Men who feel the need to compete with others in any way, be it about sex, looks, finance, material assets, employment et al are not attractive to me at all. Older men have hopefully realised that there isn’t any need to compete or bad-mouth peers in order to seem superior.

Responsible

The older we get, the more responsibilities fall our way. Going through various rites of passage in life, such as relationships, paying household bills, holding down a job, possibly purchasing property and/or having children, means experience handling serious responsibility.

Although responsibilities are often a resented burden of adulthood, this experience makes older men more attractive. They understand the weight of responsibility, how to juggle various important facets in their life and how to handle the associated pressures.

No Fear Of Commitment

Commitment isn’t always a wanted or necessary part of a relationship, although there’s still this tendency in society to assume women chase commitment while men flee from it. Not the case at all. Plenty of my fantasies involving older men contain minimal commitment; basic levels of honesty and courtesy are all that’s required.

But: if one or both people are after a relationship where commitment is required, then I feel older men offer a better prospect. I’m not saying that younger men can’t ever commit properly – of course I’m not. But older men are less likely to be phased or afraid of commitment, because they’ve likely been through similar in the past. I’d hope there was less chance of the infamous ‘cold feet’, and that by knowing themselves well, what they want from life, and being ready to settle down, that commitment is simply another step in an exciting journey.

Thoughtful

Hopefully, age brings with it more careful consideration about how your words and actions affect other people. In my ideal, older men are more caring and kind due to their age and experience. I’m a highly emotional person. Empathy and thoughtfulness are required if I’m to feel a meaningful connection -or simply sexual attraction- to another person.

Knowledgeable

I’ve separated out knowledge from experience because they are slightly different elements of my attraction to older men. Having knowledge, collecting plenty of facts through living a longer life, leads to some very stimulating conversations. Yes, I mean intellectually as well as giving me twitchy knickers.

Knowledge coupled with creative intelligence is a powerfully attractive combination. Again, in all parts of life not simply when it comes to knowing how to tie a beautiful Shibari bondage rope harness.

A knowledgeable older guy is someone I feel I can learn from, ask questions of, and who may be able to help me in various ways. It’s all good.

Experienced

A very stereotypical view, I’m aware, but typically age does bring with it more experience. Ask women why they might find older men attractive and the first answer will probably be along the lines of, “ooh, well they’re just so experienced!” The related imaginings will probably, once again, be bedroom-based, but the potential experience has a greater reach than improving your sex life. As bloody brilliant as that prospect is.

Being with someone (whether in a relationship which last years or just a day or two) who has a wealth of life experience gives you a taste of those experiences for yourself. It might be their experience in a particular field of employment, or through extensive travels, trying various cuisines or knowing how to act in, or respond to, a variety of situations. This experience can be very impressive, when it is demonstrated naturally rather than in a boastful manner, and being impressed usually opens the door to full-force sexual attraction.

Bonus: Wears A Suit Well

Yeah, you knew it was coming. I just love an older guy who wears a suit well. Older men have usually had plenty of chance to wear a suit and may own several. Be it for their day job, or various occasions and functions such as weddings and parties. They’ll know how to rock a suit, which colour suits them the most, the right fit for their shape and how to accessorise with the right shoes, cuff links and tie. Additional bonus points, from a personal perspective, if it’s most definitely not grey.

A suit is our culture’s way of presenting a man as sharply dressed for an occasion of some importance. They give a great first impression, hence why they’re usually insisted upon for job interviews and in various customer facing employment roles. A finely tailored suit also has connotations of luxury, of wealth and of being a gentleman of taste.

When it comes to sexual fantasy, the ripping away of the day’s stresses and pressure by undressing a man in a suit is extremely arousing. To have a visual/tactile representation of this peeling away of the man’s chosen way to present himself to the outside world. Taking a man from aloof and respectable, to ruffled, undressed, perhaps even a little vulnerable yet still firmly in charge. Or losing his grip of control over the situation when faced with the delectable femme fatale… the fantasy can go either way, your choice.

Conclusion

Much of the above, the factors I consider to be reasons why I generally find older men so sexy, are really a structure within I can feel safe and secure myself. If I feel I can have absolute and complete trust in my partner to be honest, mature, responsible, thoughtful, knowledgeable and experienced, it’s a weight of responsibility off my own shoulders.

This probably links into why I have the Daddy/little girl fetish, too. This ageplay kink is not really about age at all, although it’s often misinterpreted as such by those who don’t/won’t understand differently. For me it’s about relief from the pressures of everyday life, in roles which are so extreme that they run rampant through my imagination and give me no choice but to submit to a sense of calm, nurtured well-being in the hands of someone who knows best. I don’t have to worry any more –even if just for a little while- because everything will be taken care of. Everything will be alright.

Plus, of course, the suit thing. I really love an older guy in a well-cut suit.

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