CONSPIRACY theorists have finally been convinced there is no secret society running everything because no-one could possibly believe any of this was orchestrated.

Since the dawn of the internet, bedroom-based conspiracy theorists have thought society was controlled by a shadowy alliance of the Freemasons and the ‘Illuminati’ who have somehow had the manpower to run everything, fake the moon landings and kill John F. Kennedy.

Tom Logan, from Stevenage, said: “If they are running it then someone needs to be sacked.

“Or sacrificed, if that’s what they do.”

Racist, Norman Steele, added, “I used to think the Jews were running everything. But they seem pretty organised, so I can’t imagine they’d be behind this mess.”

Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, added: “When you look at the current state of affairs, it’s pretty clear who is running it.

“Over-privileged, incompetent white motherfuckers.”