In the tradition of "The Zola Story" and "Chrissy Teigen Orders Pie," a new tale written by a rising Twitter raconteur who lived everyone's worst nightmare is teaching us all to be grateful this story isn't our own.

Toronto resident Makela hoped to hit it off on a date on Monday with a handsome stranger, but ended up spending the night harboring a dark, smelly secret.

She began her story with a light content warning.

Then, suddenly, romance.

What starts as a stroke of Beyoncé-level self-assuredness turns disastrous fast.

Time ticked by, and Makela needed to take action.

She did the only thing she could do in the given forest fire of a situation.

Mmm yeah, back to the romance, y'all.

With the Ghost of Poops Past haunting her, Makela texted her sister for advice.

Finally, a light appeared at the end of the septic tunnel.

*FINGERS CROSSED*

Sweet relief. Her date never has to know there was another guest in the room that night.

So, what's the moral of the story?

On the bright side, Makela developed a reputation outside of her breathtaking good looks.

Dating is a rough game. The competition can be stiff. There are plenty of hotties out there, but very few hotties with nail-biting poo sagas to tell.

Congratulations, Makela the Poop Girl. You fought for survival in a moment when most of us would have collapsed in defeat.

There's a "Shawshank Redemption" joke in here somewhere, I just know it.

Citations: A woman tweeted a story about pooping on a first date and it got pretty uncomfortable (Metro)