TORONTO – After an exhausting 2 minutes of researching on Twitter, local space occupier Kyle Turner has claimed that the Wet’suwet’en solidarity blockades will accomplish nothing.

“I don’t think these people understand the impact these blockades will have,” stated Kyle, who has never impacted anything in a meaningful way his entire life. “I mean other than halting the pipeline construction, forcing the RCMP to leave their lands and starting a national conversation about indigenous rights, what do these protestors really think they’re going to get done?”

Turner, a 25-year-old man who lives in his parent’s basement and describes himself as an ‘entrepreneur’ because he is thinking of starting up a food truck business, has strong feelings on the subject. He also has plenty of time to read about it ever since Holly left.

“There are just so many better ways to protest,” he advised. When asked for suggestions on what kind of protests would be more helpful, Kyle remained motionless for 10 minutes in silence before asking if we had had a chance to listen to his podcast.

Turner, whose friends and family all described him as a “person they are familiar with” then pivoted the conversation to his plan to cure the coronavirus epidemic.