ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

From the outside, Denise Goldman’s house looks like any other around Betootas Heights.

A ghastly display home built on sand. Half-dead grass out the front. A stock Toyota Kluger in the driveway. It’s financed for five years with a 60% balloon. The Colourbond fences and roof are the same colour. There’s nothing remarkable about how she and husband Poink Goldman live their lives.

On the inside, it exists in a perpetual state of mess. Messier than an Irish hard border. Our reporter has been there a number of times to buy hot whitegoods and car stereos from Poink and can confirm that it’s a bombsite inside.

Denise doesn’t like the mess, Poink is impartial.

In an effort to bring order back to her life, Denise started to watch Marie Kondo’s anti-clutter TV show on Netflix. The little containers and packing hacks fill her with joy, then sadness.

She knew that Pionk wouldn’t ever live like that. But she tried.

“How come your tackle box looks immaculate, but your living quarters look like the back of a tradies van,” she sighed.

“Why don’t you watch some Marie with me, and we can have a think about getting on top of the shit around this place?”

Poink shrugged and said he thought everything was fine.

“Okay,” said Denise.

“I might have a go on the weekend when you go finishing again.”

Poink shrugged again.

Our reporter then handed over the cash for the refurbished iPhone and walked out.