This concept of a “Mental Model” is nothing new; Charles Munger, Warren Buffet’s right hand man, may have popularized this concept and I’ve seen bloggers publish nice examples of detailed Mental Models that they personally use to guide their lives, for example, Nat Eliason, Daniel Dennett, and Gabriel Weinberg. The basic idea is to have an “Operating System” of principles and a few hacks to live life effectively. There are plenty of bloggers and self-help gurus distilling lots of suggestions and I’ll admit only some of them are useful, so I’ve compiled a list that I, as an Aspie, find most useful when applied on a regular basis. I’m not an expert on all of the principles listed below and this list will be changing as I grow as a person.

*** IMPORTANT ***

I’m NOT a doctor, psychiatrist, or other professional so what I’m giving here is not medical advice! I’m just another fellow Aspie who is sharing my advice with other fellow Aspies. I still urge you to at least consider my tips here before spending a ton of money (and time) getting professional help.

How to Use This List

First, read the Fundamentals section of principles. You’ll need to have a good understanding of these before the principles that come after will make a lot of sense. Then pick one or more areas of your life you’d like to improve and read the principles in that section. A table of contents is provided for your convenience after the Fundamentals section.



Fundamentals (Read These First!)

Don’t make excuses. Don’t read anything here that you don’t quite agree with and then say or think “this doesn’t apply to me” and basically give up. Instead, ask yourself “how can I make this work for me?”

80/20 Rule: 80% of our desired results come from 20% of our actions. This is known as Pareto’s Principle. The actual numbers aren’t that important but the point is that most of what we have or want in life come from a relatively small number of inputs. Every time we’re told to prioritize, we’re basically expected to apply Pareto’s Principle. It’s a fundamental concept that a 10 year old can understand, but we often fail to apply this rule because:

We don’t know what the 20% or minority of inputs are which contribute to a vast majority of our desired outcomes.

Even if we know we can focus on only 20% of the inputs, we have long engrained habits and routines to break. This is especially difficult for an Aspie!

Action, not Hope, Produces Results. The self-help and motivational industry gets a bad rep for saying a lot but delivering little results. Unfortunately, a lot of times, the accusers are the ones who took little/no action from the self-help advice. Yes, there’s some pretty bad advice out there but you could receive the best advice in the world but if you take 0 action, you’ll get 0 results (and possibly go on to blame the expert.) The advice on mental models here is no different; if you don’t take action and work at implementing these suggestions here, then don’t be surprised if nothing changes in your life.

You’re responsible for making the “perfect system” for yourself. This system works great for me but I’ll admit it’s not perfect even for me. It’s likely to be even less than perfect for you. But if you don’t know of any effective mental models to adopt, this is a good starting point. Learn everything here then make adjustments to better fit your own personality and circumstances.

Begin with the end in mind. This is actually one of the 7 habits of highly successful people (a book by that title was written by the late Stephen Covey.) Know what end goal you’re after and know what you’re willing to do to get to that goal. Realize that as an Aspie, you might need to change your approach a bit compared to NTs depending on the goal.

Artificial Complexity. A lot of problems in life have relatively simple (though not necessarily easy) solutions including weight loss, investing, sleeping better, getting organized, etc. Lots of businesses make money off of products which provide an overly complex solution to a problem that has a simple solution. Most of the time, you’ll be able to achieve the same result without spending a lot of money by taking the bitter pill and pursuing the old-school solution (but these businesses won’t be making much money as a result.)

Table of Contents

Inner Game

Outer Game (Social)

Productivity

Finance and Career

Health



Inner Game

Get everything out of your head. We like to live in our heads but it’s not very effective (or healthy). First, you’re going to forget things that only stay in your head. Second, it’s gonna drive you crazy as the number of important thoughts pile up in your head! As the Chinese proverb goes, “the faintest ink bests the strongest memory.” And since we live in the 21st Century, please adopt the habit of taking note of things in your head using notetaking software like Evernote. Install in on your mobile device and jot down all the important thoughts that repeatedly race in your head!

Circle of Control. There are things in life we have control over. And there are things we don’t have control over. Unfortunately, for many of us, worrying about problems that fall in the latter category is a common pastime. But it makes no logical sense. No amount of brooding is going to change something that, by definition, is outside of your control. Read this article on the Circle of Control as an effective mental model for clearing your head of things you can’t control so you have your mental resources free to tackle the things you CAN control!

Stoicism and Eating Bitterness. As a Chinese person, I tend to resonate more with the concept of “Eating Bitterness” which has been engrained from an early age though I’ve learned about Stoic philosophy which is very similar. The concept of “Eating Bitterness” is simple: training yourself to endure the hardships in life is essential to success. But that begs the question – how do I do this? This is where Stoicism comes to the rescue. The following quote by the ancient stoic Seneca sums it up: “Set aside a certain number of days, during which you shall be content with the scantiest and cheapest fare, with course and rough dress, saying to yourself the while: ‘Is this the condition I feared?’. To learn more about Stoicism, I actually recommend reading the 21st Century book “The Obstacle is the Way” by Ryan Holiday.

When to use Positive or Negative thinking. Contrary to what pop culture has taught us, positive thinking isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. Would you want to fly on a plane where the captain is thinking positively about flying in the midst of a hurricane? On the other hand, thinking negatively about everyone and everything is an easy recipe for severe depression. So in most situations where little is at stake, it’s best to think positively. I’ll just sum up and give you the circumstances where you should use positive thinking:

Everyday situations where you have relatively little to lose.

In most typical social situations (you don’t want to come across as a Debbie downer.)

When you’re going after a formidable goal where you have a fair shot at massive success and limited losses if you fail.

When you’ve already tried your best and are just waiting for the results, it’s best to just hope for the best.

But there are circumstances where negative thinking is beneficial:

If you have a lot to lose in a realistic worst case scenario (flying a plane, investing, etc.)

If you’re working with someone who has completely unrealistic expectations about their future success.

Decision Fatigue. The decisions you make today will affect your future, be it a minute from now, a year from now, or even a decade or more from now. But the reality is, most decisions we make today won’t have a measurable impact on ourselves over the long run and a few critical decisions will carry a disproportionate weight. (Sounds like Pareto’s Principle?) However, virtually all of us give the former decisions more attention than they deserve. For example, like what to wear tomorrow when it’s not even a special occasion. Btw, President Obama simplifies this by choosing only to wear Blue or Black suits. Each decision you make consumes your mental resources, so it’s best to get into a habit of blowing off the unimportant decisions so you have the resources to deal with the more important decisions in life.

Don’t medicate mild depression. It’s your body’s way of tell you there’s something wrong with your life, and you better deal with it. I know most Aspies (including me) have suffered from depression over the years but there’s a couple of common-sense cures to try before resorting to medication. These include:

Eating reasonably healthy

Getting exercise regularly

Reflecting on what events in your life are causing the depressing and then getting an effective plan and taking action to deal with them.

If you’ve done all of the above 3 and your depression still won’t go away and/or it’s so severe it’s interfering with your daily functions, then it’s time to get it checked out by a professional.

Occam’s Razor. If you watch any popular ongoing TV shows and then read online message boards discussing them, you’re bound to come across a lot of theories. Many of them are quite convoluted, and yet, when the events play out or a big reveal happens, it’s often a lot less complex than most of the fan theories. Occam’s razor states that a simple theory that sufficiently explains some phenomena has a higher chance of being correct than some complex explanation. Use this every time you find yourself overanalyzing or second guessing, especially when you’re wondering about another person’s intentions. It’s often not as complex as your mind makes it out to be.

Availability Heuristic. You see your friends posting pictures of their wonderful and successful lives on Facebook so you start thinking that everyone else is better off than you. Or you read the news and hear about violence and war and think the world has become a dangerous place. Our sense of reality is distorted by what’s reported to us vs. what’s actually going on.

Chunking. When pursuing your goals, focus on the bigger picture items instead of constantly micromanaging the details. Tony Robbins explains it very well in his video using the example of driving a stick shift car but you can apply the same principle to, say, socializing. Focus on the outcome you want (i.e. having a good social interaction) rather than letting yourself get overwhelmed by all the details (what to say, what everyone’s facial expressions mean, etc.)



Outer Game (Social)

I’m guessing that as Aspies, this is the section you were primarily after when you decided to read this long article. If you didn’t go through the Fundamentals, I urge you to read that first. And if you have time, I also urge you to read AND work on your Inner Game first, and this section will make more sense afterwards.

First rule of socialization: be likable. Alright, let’s now tackle the huge elephant in the room known as socialization. In order to make up for your supposed lack of competence in social situations, we’ll leverage a few mental models previously so I urge you to read them again:

80/20 Rule from Fundamentals

Begin with the End in Mind from Fundamentals

Chunking from Inner Game

Use the 80/20 rule to focus on the small # of things that really matter in social situations rather than being overwhelmed. Begin with the end in mind of being likable. And use Chunking to prevent sensory overload and having a million thoughts racing in your mind about whether you’re doing everything correctly or not. Now try this for a week – every time you’re about to interact with another person, switch your inner dialog to “I’m here to be a likable person.” Stop worrying about what to say, what others are thinking of you, and what their facial expressions mean especially in casual situations and ONLY focus on being a likable person. Let your subconscious take over and the other details like what to say.

Second rule of socialization: be genuinely interested in other people. Dale Carnegie wrote an entire book dedicated to this principle in the early 20th Century and it’s still one of the most popular books of all time today. Try to find out what makes the other person special or interesting and talk about that; it really feeds their ego which in turn earns you respect.

Third rule of socialization: don’t ramble. I know I’ve had this problem for years and still struggle with it sometimes right now, but please try to keep your rambling to a minimum. Going back to the 80/20 rule, most of what you want to convey is achieved through a minority of the sentences you speak. Keep rambling to a minimum and you’ll keep the other person’s interest far better.

Aim for above average, not extraordinary confidence. If you’re natural confidence level is a 3 out of 10, aim for a 6, not a 9 or 10 (unless it’s a high stakes situation like a job interview.) Aiming for too high of a confidence level is unsustainable and you’ll risk appearing arrogant. Just strive to be more confident than the average NT and you should be set in most casual social situations. Of course, once your natural confidence level is a 6, feel free to aim for a 9 then.

If stuck, ask questions. If there’s a lull in the conversation, asking questions often does the trick and fills the awkward silence. Try to ask something related to what the other person is interested in (see the 2nd rule.) If this isn’t obvious to you yet, then ask questions that’ll get you a step closer to finding out.

Do your research (i.e. Google) before asking busy people questions. Every time you’re meeting with a busy person for advice, whether a coffee meeting with a mentor, a doctor, a lawyer, etc. do your research on the topic you will be discussing and find out everything you can before bringing them questions. It’s OK to ask people questions that can be answered with a Google query when you’re making small talk with friends but it’s not an acceptable use of time when you’re getting down to serious business.



Productivity

Don’t confuse “urgent” with important. We instinctively associate urgency with importance. Most phone calls, texts, Facebook messages, emails, etc. are urgent but are only important once in a blue moon. Most of us (AS and NT) will naturally stop what we’re doing, even if it’s important, to tend to these, costing us valuable time since we’d need to waste more time getting ourselves back on task afterwards. Resist the temptation to give in to these interruptions even if it’s a bit difficult to break this habit as an Aspie! If you still have a lot of trouble, then I suggest turning off your phone and closing your email and Facebook when you’re working on something important.

Time is Money. Arguably, time is even more valuable than money. If you lose a million dollars, you can still earn it back. But if you wasted the last 20 minutes (hopefully not due to reading this), you’re never getting those 20 minutes back. So be respectful of your time as well as others’. You may have also heard of the term “opportunity cost” which is related: the time you spend doing something means you can’t use that time doing something else. If cooking dinner takes an hour longer than buying the equivalent meal at a restaurant which costs $10 more, then by all means go eat at the restaurant if you value your time at $10/hour or higher.

Low information diet. Some productivity gurus (even some that I respect) recommend cutting off the news completely, and while I agree with it in spirit, I think it’s a bit extreme. The news provides good fodder for conversation and small talk but it’s very easy to get sucked into reading the news for hours, especially with all of the clickbait around these days. Get into the habit of scanning news headlines and limiting the amount of time you spend reading. If necessary, set an alarm for 20-30 minutes a day and stop reading once it rings (a la Pomodoro Technique.) Get into the habit of using aggregators. Sign up for Reddit (if you don’t have an account) and subscribe to /r/worldnews and any subreddits with news important to your line of work. Or use Feedly and subscribe to a few of your favorite news sources (avoid Buzzfeed and other viral news sites like the plague, nothing against Buzzfeed which I’m a fan of but I try not to read it when I have important work to do.)

Google Calendar is your friend, especially if you need to learn new routines. I totally get that breaking your routine as an Aspie is worse than Chinese water torture, but sometimes, you just have to change it for the better. Assuming you use an Android phone, you’ll want to start using Google Calendar religiously from now on (or iCalendar on the iPhone.) Start by scheduling your appointments in there. Schedule your Meetups in there as well (I think Meetup.com automatically syncs but if not, just enter the meetup.) If you started a new exercise routine, schedule it in your phone if you can’t remember it every single day. Your phone will be buzzing with reminders and it’ll will soon be your best friend in helping your establish new routines.



Finance and Career

Investing in yourself is the best investment! It’s gonna take some effort and time but the best part about learning new skills is that it can be completely free (other than some trivial overhead costs like driving to your local library.) Finding the right financial investment like a stock or a rental property will still take time and effort as well, and it can be confiscated by the government under some rare circumstances, depending on your country. Skills and knowledge can never be taken away.

Wealth is Money In > Money Out. If someone tells you otherwise, run! The mechanics of getting rich is simple (though doing it is a whole another story): earn more money than you spend and invest the difference in quality investments. Buying that shiny sports car won’t make your richer. Wastefully spending your money at the mall every weekend won’t either. Don’t confuse cause with effect; lot of wealthy people indulge in these because they can afford to AND still save more money than they spend.

Passive Investing Beats Active Investing. Unless you have inside information (and don’t fear getting caught), have a very sophisticated quantitative trading model, or have a very intimate knowledge of an industry, you’re better off investing passively by buying and holding index funds rather than active investing (which generates a ton of commissions for your broker.)

Harry Browne’s 16 Rules of Financial Safety. These rules may be a bit conservative but it’s a great framework to investing your hard earned wealth sensibly for future growth. Having worked for several years in the financial industry, I could go on with a separate post about my own principles when it comes to investing but I’ll leave you to Harry’s rules for now.

Keep at least a year of savings in your emergency fund. You don’t know when your company will go belly up or you’ll be forced to resign to avoid getting involved in something shady. Having this cushion will help you sleep at night.



Health

Most health problems are solved by eating right, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly. Before you spend your time and money seeing a doctor, make sure you have all of the low hanging fruit covered:

Are you eating reasonably healthy? At least 8 cups of water a day? Limiting your sugar and processed foods? Try to eat lots of vegetables and modest amounts of meat (if it’s not against your religion) rather than too much meat or no meat.

Are you sleeping well? Getting 6-8 hours of sleep (or whatever your body “demands”)?

Are you exercising regularly? At least an hour a week, preferably 2 hours?

If you’re exceeding all of the above requirements consistently for a month or more and are STILL feeling sick, tired, depressed, etc., then you may have something more serious that a doctor should look at.

Weight Loss is Calories Out > Calories in. If someone tells you otherwise, run! The body will burn fat as long as it’s absorbing less calories than it consumes, and that has always been the secret to weight loss since the dawn of time. It’s not complicated though it’s often easier said than done; you don’t need the latest diet pill or shake but you do need discipline if you’re gonna lose weight.

Your health is your most important asset. Your entire well being and productivity suffers when you neglect your health. Working more than 60 hours a week is unsustainable in the long run and will tax your physical and mental health, not to mention lowering your productivity. Outsource or use the 80/20 rule when you find yourself having to work ridiculous hours without regard to your health.

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Changelog

Version 1.0 – 9/5/2016: This guide was first published on this date.