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And then you totally make them do it.

I've never been a good matchmaker. Whenever I have a single friend who asks me if I know any other single friends, I clam up, because there's no way to make the encounter seem natural. One person is lonely, and the other person is getting invited to the human exhibit. "Hey, you wanna come over and see if their personality qualifies for your love? It's BYOB." So I stay away from it. If a single friend asks me if I know any other single friends, I sound like an after-school show host. Impressing people is fun, dude, but you know what's even more fun? Reading a good book.

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So now that I'm able to play god among soldiers, I will stop at nothing to make any match that seems feasible. Hey, wizard dude. You look mighty lonesome standing over there in the corner of this lava field. Try hooking up with this ax-throwing barbarian woman. Nothing has to be serious. Just kill a few dragon riders, annihilate a few waves of enemy troops, and see if anything purely casual sparks up. And then have babies who will one day fight for ME.

Nintendo

That's good. I think he'll be into that. Your children will know nothing but a life of war.

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It doesn't help that you strengthen bonds through interactions that are all culled from your favorite schoolgirl anime. Two scarred, war-hardened mercenaries will bumble and blush their way through a conversation about peeking on each other while they did laundry. You just cleaved a dozen men in half, and your only method of flirting is a stutter and a "Tee-hee"? No matter. I'll do whatever it takes to come out on the winning side of this conflict, even if what it takes is "Will you go to the dance with me? Check Y or N."