Every movie has a good guy and a bad guy. That means, if football were a movie, TCU would always be the good guy. Always.

So if our rivals are the bad guys, which ones specifically? Let’s find out:

Texas Tech: The Joker

Why so serious? Tech, like the Joker, is all about laughing away its fiendish schemes. Their fans tend to be some of the best trash talkers, just because being mean is funny.

Oklahoma: Loki

All the girls like him, his shape shifting powers are cool, and sure, he has a lot of likable aspects. But at the end of the day, he's still a bad guy. Like Loki, the Sooners are good, they win a lot of games — but no! It's a trick!

SMU: Scar (from The Lion King)

Scar wanted to become king of the Pride Lands, but when he actually became king, the lions were left hungry and desolate. It's kind of like SMU. They start off pretty strong (usually in the first half), then Mufasa comes in a cloud and says "Remember who you are," and so begins the second half blowout.

Texas: Sauron

The Longhorns, as of recent years, are much like Sauron — always seeking a ring, but never finding it.

Baylor: Voldemort

Baylor's colors are appropriately Slytherin green, and a lot of TCU fans refer to Baylor as the one "Who-Must-Not-Be-Named" anyway, so it makes total sense.