JON CARROLL

There were two very fine photographs on the front page of this very newspaper the other day. The first showed the speaker of the House driving off in a hydrogen-powered car after a news conference on gas prices. The second showed him, about 100 yards down the road, getting out of the energy-efficient car and lumbering toward the SUV that would take him the rest of the way to wherever he was going.

Coming soon -- the Potemkin Congress.

Politicians are trying very hard to convince us that they have not been cowering before the mighty oil companies for just ever. They are talking bravely of taxing windfall profits, and prohibiting accounting tricks that keep profits high, and -- well, a bunch of stuff that will never happen. Bill Frist is talking about giving each of us $100 just for being ourselves. He feels our pain. Well, no, he doesn't, but he's hired someone to feel our pain.

Is there a more transparent trick than "Vote for me and I'll give you $100"? It's beyond satire. What's next? Free orgasms? Wait, they're already free. The system works.

It is equally amusing watching the oil companies explain how their record profits are not profits as such, and that with the costs of exploration and the growing need for energy and -- did you even try to follow it? We're rolling in money, but we're not actually rolling in money! This is not money! We are not here! Unless you're a stockholder, in which case we are here and this is money.

One might say to the American people: What did you expect? You voted for a guy who made his money in the oil business. (What he did in the oil business: not so clear.) You voted for a vice president who set energy policy by having secret meetings with oil company executives. You were in favor of a war that was fought to guarantee our oil supply. You cheered when economy-stimulating tax cuts were enacted. You are now paying $3 a gallon at the pump in what Daniel Yergin has called "the permanent shortage," and you feel betrayed? This was an act between consenting adults; it's a little late for buyer's remorse.

Not that one would expect the Democrats to do much better. Our political institutions are, in the area of corporate governance, largely irrelevant. The government couldn't help even if the government wanted to help. That train left the station 30 years ago.

Which does not mean that we are without hope. In fact, we are the problem. There are no large oil companies without large demand for oil, and we are doing the demanding. If you were running a business where people would apparently pay just about anything to get your product, wouldn't you keep raising your prices? If gas is a large part of your budget, make it a smaller part of your budget.

I understand that it is hard for some people to drive less. I feel sorry for traveling salesmen and landscapers and farmers. Heck, I feel sorry for all of us, one way or the other. But the pain is going to come, one way or another. We can choose to control the pain ourselves, or we can wait until it gets so bad we have to accept whatever solution is at hand. The sooner you choose, the more choices you'll have.

Four percent of the world's population; 25 per cent of the energy use -- that's us. And, maddeningly enough, the world wants to catch up. It wants big cars and bright lights and the wonders of exurban commuting. We've led the way in excess, and now we're going to lead the world in regret. And no one will feel sorry for us, because we've pillaged and invaded and belittled and overthrown and generally wiped our feet on the rest of the world. I know, I know, it wasn't you. But it's your problem anyway; it's your karma anyway.

We do understand, have always understood, that the deluded narcissists in Washington are not going to help us out. We might be able to help ourselves out. We might form communities of interest, communities of need, and figure out how to share energy expenses. Neighborhood shopping trips; neighborhood carpooling; neighborhood consciousness-raising. It's happened in race relations; it's happened in women's rights; why can't it happen in energy policy?

I do not believe that there's one big solution for this mess. I do suspect that there are a million small solutions. Anyway, it's the only thing we have left to try. Either that or, you know, better drugs.

Here, I know. If you vote for me, I'll give you your own gas pump! No more expensive driving to the station; throw money away in the privacy of your own home.