Washington D.C.—

The state elections this week resulted in a Democratic sweep, with several states gaining Democratic legislative majorities and both New Jersey and Virginia electing Democratic governors.

This has alarmed Republican campaign strategists and office holders heading into the coming midterm elections, which have historically shit upon newly elected presidents (f***ing 2010). Despite the GOP’s gerrymandered majority in the House, it is increasingly likely that Republicans may lose their majority in ’18. The recent elections in Virginia saw red suburban districts flip blue that weren’t even thought of as in play.

On top of this week’s electoral route, Republicans are concerned that Trump’s dwindling approval ratings and growing Russia suspicions are spelling doom for the GOP beyond 2018 into Election 2020.

Coupled with this end-of-decade success, Democrats could head state governments right as the 2020 census authorizes the redrawing of states’ Congressional maps. This is a concerning worry for Republican officials well aware that the GOP cheated epically in 2010 to gerrymander states so bad that Republicans held outrageously disproportionate majorities in states that as a whole routinely vote blue. It’s why Democrats routinely get millions more House votes while losing representation. So it’s no surprise that Republicans are worried.

“I know we fudged the borders a little bit in 2010’s district maps,” reasoned Republican Speaker of the House Paul Ryan in a phone conversation with The Halfway Post, “But maybe now is a great time to bury the hatchet and put an end to this corrosive partisan era we find ourselves in. And it’s not like we’ve been that successful with our cheating scheme. President Obama, and Nancy Pelosi, and Harry Reid, and Chuck Schumer have kind of outfoxed us in most political battles over the last nine years—except the Supreme Court. Yeah, we were total dicks with that one. I knew it was wrong and felt guilty, but my hands were tied by Mitch on that one. But I just hope Democrats will take the higher path, and not do to us what we did to them, so bad. Because now that the prospect of gerrymandered districts very well could affect me personally, I think I’ve learned something. I believe I understand now that the liberal viewpoint on this is the right perspective. Gerrymandering is wrong and a moral stain, and I beg the Democrats to not maliciously do what we did.”

(Picture courtesy of the National Atlas of the United States, via Wikipedia.)

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