So rap legend-turned TV star Ice-T recently turned up for an audiobook gig, without being told what the book actually was. "They didn't tell me this was a motherfuckin' Dungeons & Dragons book".

Figuring he'd just be turning up to read a book, and confused as to his surprise role, what happened next, as recounted on Ice's own podcast, is the best. Here's some of his recollections from the two days he had to spend in the recording booth.

"Son, it took me 3.5 hours to read 25 pages."

"Motherfuckers talk like Yoda."

"This shit is impossible to me."

"Pegasus....Pegasi. That's horses with wings. This shit is crazy."

"This motherfucker got a sword that talks to him. And shit."

"Motherfuckers live in places that don't exist."

It's not suitable for work, not in the slightest, but the whole opening section of the podcast is worth a listen. It's just a shame that it ends on a sour note, Ice threatening his agent never to book him for another D&D gig again.


"Let me read some porno or something. I know about that."

EPISODE 3: DUNGEONS & DRAGONS, THE CIA AND THE FUTURE OF ICE LOVES COCO [Final Level, via Paste]