(Satire) In a stunning revelation of its omnipotence, the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) has decided to reveal itself to ignorant humans. And what better stage to do so than the football World Cup, the most watched sporting event on earth?

The world watched in pop-eyed awe as Germany demolished England on Sunday. This was precisely the result predicted by Paul, the local octopus in an aquarium in Oberhausen, Germany. Even the referee appeared mesmerized by Paul’s command. Earlier, Paul had made spot-on predictions about Germany’s three matches in the group stage, including the weird 0-1 loss to Serbia. Since then, Paul’s has become a media darling across the world.

Paul has an earthy and quaint technique of revealing its powers. Two glass boxes with juicy mussels inside and country flags outside are put into his tank. After suitable pondering and feeling around, Paul selects one by opening the lid and gobbling up the mussel in it. That’s the winner! On Friday, Paul ate the Germany-walla mussel. On Sunday, his blinding prophecy came true.

But the import of this staggering event has not yet been fully appreciated by the world. An octopus is the closest resembling creature to the FSM, which is believed to have created the whole universe. Likenesses made by humans show the FSM as a round tangle of tentacle-like noodles with eyes on two stalks. Conceived by Bobby Henderson, a 25-year-old physics teacher from Oregon, US, the FSM was intended as a satirical protest against the Kansas State Education Board’s decision to include Intelligent Design in the science syllabus in schools. Henderson, in an open letter to the board in 2005 demanded that time in science classrooms should be divided equally between Intelligent Design, Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence (that is, Darwin’s theory of natural selection). His website received 350 million hits within a few weeks, representing the massive popularity of his theory, called Pasta-farianism.

There is something more to Paul than mere chance. Animals in various zoos in Germany have been trying to make predictions – without success. There is a pretender in Hanover – Otto Armstrong, the octopus – who tried and messed up daily predictions. There are three imposters in Chemnitz, which is emerging as a hub for charlatans – Petty, the pygmy hippo, Leon, the porcupine, and Anton the Tamarin monkey. All three made wrong predictions. Only Paul came through.

In the past few weeks, several omens or sightings across the world were hinting that something was in the offing. In Palm Springs, California, charges against James “Jimmy” Hughes accused of the ‘Octopus Murders’ back in 1981 were dropped because of lack of evidence. Beatles drummer Ringo Starr who wrote the endearing ‘Octopus’s Garden’ in 1969, started a US tour from Boston. In Tacoma, Washington, two homes – on Octopus Avenue – were burglarized with no signs of forced entry. In a bizarre car crash in Tuscon, a man had a seizure while driving and crashed into the parking lot of – the Octopus Car Wash. Three men on a walk after beers on the coast in Stuart, Florida came upon a 4-feet long dead marine animal. Not knowing what it was, they took snaps and put them up on the web. After a brief fenzy, the Smithsonian Institute ultimately settled the matter by declaring that it was – an octopus. For Indians, the message came in the form of an announcement by the Andhra govt. that the counter terror outfit ‘Octopus’ was being reorganized, giving it more command functions.

Now we wait for the next prophecy – Germany or Argentina? Let’s sing the great hymn: I’d like to be, under the sea, in an octopus’s garden with you……