SPECIAL schools without pupils are being set up for troublemaker parents who just want to shout at teachers, the government has announced.

Following a brawl between mums at a primary school, the decision was taken to create mock schools where parents can harmlessly pursue the popular hobby of being a pain in the arse in educational establishments.

Headteacher Donna Sheridan said: “Here at Highfield Infants there are no children to set a bad example to, so it’s the ideal place for smoking weed and knocking people’s teeth out.

“Parents drop kids off at their real school, then pop along here to make ludicrous claims about one of them being bullied by teachers, or to call one of their neighbours a slag.

“We’ve got a hamster and crap drawings everywhere, so it feels just like a real school when you’re spouting nonsense about Zak having a genius IQ but being autistic with ADHD.

“AWe’ll even send you home with a bullshit ‘action plan’ so you can claim you’ve ‘won’.”

Mum-of-two Emma Bradford said: “There’s an excellent mock school near us which let me rant on for three hours about why Beatrix-Persephone isn’t the best at everything.

“I’ll be going back tomorrow for a blazing row about why Harrison only bites people because they won’t set up special taekwondo lessons for him.”