In a radio interview with KFNS (590 AM) Ankiel explained that if “the disease … didn’t fight fair, I felt like I wasn’t going to fight fair either.”

He elaborated later with the Post-Dispatch.

“I never really went back and revisited those memories,” said Ankiel, who will be part of the broadcast for at least 12 Cardinals games on Fox Sports Midwest this year. “You push them away and keep moving forward. That was the easiest way to keep going forward (rather) than going back and opening back up that Pandora’s box and looking at some of it.”

He added: “Even to me it feels like two separate lives and two separate people. Definitely when I switched over to being an outfielder, I felt like the best way to focus on being an outfielder was to only talk about being an outfielder.”

That split happened March 9, 2005, in Jupiter.

Less than two weeks after bedeviling teammates in a 40-pitch throwing session that included five balls hit — only three left the batting shell — Ankiel walked into manager Tony La Russa’s office and retired as a pitcher the day he was supposed to start a B-game.