Paul Daugherty

pdaugherty@enquirer.com

Whaddaya wanna talk about today, kids?

Petty crime in the suburbs, school lunch boxes, Mick or Keith?

The economy, the weather, Final Jeopardy?

Freeway cars and trucks? (Name the tune from which that line emanates, win my undying respect. Answer at the end.)

Back in the days when the Enquirer was a broadsheet publication, we'd move The Club off Page 1, when the consensus was they'd concluded their relevancy for another year. It was generally sometime around Labor Day, give or take a few weeks.

Since we've gone tabloid, that's no longer an option. But here at the TML Bar and Grill, Nite Club and Three-Dot Lounge, we make our own rules.

I vote 'em out.

What say you, Mobsters and Mobstettes?

I mean, we can keep discussing big picture stuff. But the day to day drudge? Honestly, that bores me even when things are good. Such as yesterday's dissection of the L to the Red Sox the previous night. What was intended (by me) to be a Big Pic talk re the lack of offense was down-sized by those wishing to bash BPrice for giving Cespedes a pitch to hit.

No more, K?

Not in 2014.

I'd rather take a day off than keep churning the same dung.

So, let's go Bengals and Bearcats, shall we?

The Club has made the choice to Do Nothing, and as a result is, well, doing nothing. Yesterday was typical '14 futility. First and second none out in the 9th, three botched bunts by Santiago and a couple routine outs.

Never has a team's need been so obvious, then so obviously ignored, starting last winter. And away we go, on to. . .

THE MEN'S TASK OF FINDING M. JONES' REPLACEMENT. This is bad, but not terrible. They have Sanu, who's having a "good camp'', evidently. They have two tight ends who can catch. They have a running back who can catch. Sanzenbacher is serviceable as a slot guy. They should be fine.

BTW, has anyone ever had a "bad'' camp? How do we know?

I SAW YET ANOTHER PRESEASON PREVIEW that had the Stillers finishing ahead of The Men.

Why?

I mean, other than they're the Stillers.

The Bengals have better overall talent and depth. They have for at least two years, maybe three. The Steelers' secondary is on loan from the Smithsonian. Ryan Clark will be carbon-dated soon, to discover his true age.

Have they upgraded their running game? Yup. Bell and Blount will be forceful. Will their O-line not fall apart? It usually does.

Instead of helping Ben and drafting a wideout, they went with yet another LB. Shazier might help them immediately; can he cover AJ Green?

I'd bet your season tix The Men will again finish with a better record.

TAKEO'S TAKE. . . Spikes left as Marvin arrived. Lewis tried to talk him into staying. Spikes' skepticism won out. Back in the bad old days, Takeo was a bright spot. Loved the game, always tried. Once asked me, "Why you dog us, dawg?'' after I'd written yet another slam job.

He was at camp last week. ESPN.com caught up with him:

"I give Marvin a lot of credit for that," Spikes said. "He came in and built that trust factor up with Mike, and ... starting back in [the early years], he gave a little control, more, more, and then more. When I look at the roster, the roster is built not with what Mel Kiper says, not with what Mike Mayock says. It's built with football players that I've seen on tape. That's what I like about this roster. It's a bunch of players [that show up] on the tape."

According to Spikes, Lewis also raised expectations for a coaching staff that wasn't always NFL-grade.

"It used to be that you would have a head coach here or one coach [on the staff] that would have credibility," he said. "Now it's damn near the entire staff that has credibility. Proven winners. Proven teachers. That's what I see."

MOVING RIGHT ALONG. . . I haven't been to the tennis yet this year. I just can't get into it. Said it a million times: The best sporting event of the year, every year, that sadly appeals to a limited number of locals.

Back in the heyday of Sampras and Agassi, I'd get two or three columns out of it, and that was before the finals. Now?

Now, I ask my wife to name the top-ranked American man in the world.

"That Andy guy,'' she says.

Um, no. Roddick is retired.

"Nadal!'' she fires out, as if she has hit upon the Riddle of the Sphinx.

Haha. "Spanish,'' I tell her.

It's John Isner. You remember: The dude who played that match at Wimbledon a few years ago, that lasted longer than breakfast, lunch and dinner?

Oh, for the days of Pete and Andre and Jim Courier. Even Michael Chang. (Actually, I'm OG enough to have written columns here on Jimmy Connors and Boris Becker, Stefan Edberg and Mats Wilander.) Niche sports like tennis and golf are star driven, at least in this country. Without stars, interest wanes.

Like it or not, I write to eyeballs. Usually, a column off a Sunday Reds game will beat any tennis column.

BECAUSE SPORTS IS NOT GRABBING ME TODAY. . . Give me your favorite album from your five favorite bands. Mine:

ALLMANS. . . Idlewild South. Peak of their powers. Revival, Don't Keep Me Wonderin', Midnight Rider etc. Perfection all the way through. TML sez ckitout, YGs. Most often available as a two-disc set, called Beginnings, with their first album, which is also excellent.

EAGLES. . . Desperado. A little different from their usual, hit-driven lineup. A little country. Flows nicely.

VAN. . . Poetic Champions Compose. Jazzy, with two of my all-time favorites, Queen of the Slipstream and Alan Watts Blues.

STONES. . . Exile on Main Street. No explanations needed.

JACKSON BROWNE. . . Like picking a favorite adult soda. But I love I'm Alive. Great, wrenching writing, heartfelt playing. Sky Blue and Black is the best thing he's ever done. And that's saying something. TML sez youtube it.

JILLIAN THE MAGNIFICENT goes back to work for NKU basketball coach Dave Bezold, who is an earth angel, on Monday. She already has her work clothes laid out.

WOODS MAKES WATSON'S DECISION EASIER. He took himself out of Ryder Cup consideration Wednesday. In the middle of a Junior Griffey column last week, I suggested Junior would go down as the biggest What If athlete of his generation. If Woods continues on his current path, he could be the biggest What If of this generation. Of several generations.

Am I missing anybody?

ESPN.COM'S take on Tiger.

THE ONION STILL MAKES ME LAUGH:

Fan At Indians Game Upset To Find Someone Else In His Section

TUNE(S) O' THE DAY. The pre-Michael McDonald Doobies were very good. This is one my faves.

Annnnd…

The aforementioned Allmans, with a tune enjoyed by me and others I know.