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10. Take a Good Look in the Mirror

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Before you do anything else, strip down and give yourself a good once-over. Subject your sorry mortal frame to the same scrutiny you’ve given your girlfriend’s. How you looking? If you’ve traded that six-pack for a pony keg, if you’re now coming equipped with your own spare tire, if 32 is a number that more closely resembles your BMI than your waist, you must shut the hell up. She’s noticed your decline. And she’s decided to accept it, because she loves you (presumably). Because she is a woman, and women — those lovely, forgiving creatures — are not as shallow and juvenile as us men. Lucky for you, Blimpy.