A few months ago, when one of my closest friends was expecting her second child, she texted me with a conundrum: “My mom wants to throw me a sprinkle,” she wrote. “But that’s tacky, right?”

For those not in the baby-shower trenches, a sprinkle is a baby shower lite, a Diet Coke of baby showers, designed to celebrate the impending birth of a second (or third or fourth. . .) baby, but with an intimate guest list and smaller-scale gifts—more Sophie la Girafe, less Uppababy Vista. The presumption is that a mother of one or more already has the full suite of baby gear from the first time around, but that doesn’t deter some dear mothers and friends from wanting to celebrate and gift anew.

My gut response to her text was that I’d be thrilled to attend her sprinkle, if only she didn’t live eight hours away. I had every intention of sending her new baby a gift, whether she was sprinkled or not. Still, I understood her hesitation: Her friends and family had already generously showered her, and sacrificed their precious Saturday afternoons, once before. She felt that asking them to do it again felt a little—to put it articulately—icky.

This pesky question arose again this week, when reports of Blake Lively’s second baby shower (possibly attended by her friend Taylor Swift) surfaced: Are second showers, or sprinkles, socially acceptable? According to a few modern manners gurus, yes—and no. It really all depends on the circumstance.

If a mother-to-be is expecting a baby soon (a year or so) after her first, “it’s perfectly fine to have a second baby shower,” said Lizzie Post, etiquette expert, great-great-granddaughter of Emily Post and co-host of the podcast, Awesome Etiquette. In that case, the family’s elder child likely hasn’t outgrown his or her stroller or high chair, and friends and family may want to treat the family to a second set. A shower: part deux, or sprinkle would also be appropriate, according to Post, if the second baby is of a different gender than the first, and hosts felt compelled to shower the family with some traditionally pink or blue loot.

But experts say second showers become less necessary when the honoree has an older child who will have outgrown his or her baby gear by the time a little brother or sister arrives. “The point of a shower truly is to shower the person with gifts so that they have everything they need for this next adventure in life,” Post said. “If you already have that, you don't need a baby shower.” Particularly if the second child is of the same gender as the first, the assumption is that the family is well stocked with clothing and blankies. Registering for gifts for a second child of the same gender could be seen as “greedy,” notes Myka Meier, founder of New York’s Beaumont Etiquette.