xochiquetzl asked: Are there any howling Americanisms in fanfic that are a particular pet peeve? (I try, but I suspect I've committed a few!)

deathdaydungeon:

I had a good think about this, and it turned more into a reference post than an actual statement of what really bothers me. To be honest, if it happens infrequently, I can usually squint past it - but if there’s a lot, or it’s something that’s used over and over then I find it harder.

So…here we go:

Our parents are mummy, mum, mammy, mam, ma, mother etc, and daddy, dad, da, pa, father etc - but never ever mommy or mom, poppy or pop(s).



Individual pieces of candy are sweets. Candy bars are chocolate bars. We don’t eat pancakes for breakfast. (Pancakes are thin crepes that are eaten on Shrove Tuesday.) We eat porridge and not oatmeal, and we have biscuits and not cookies. Maple syrup was not really in the UK in the 90s, nor was corn syrup; we have golden syrup, or treacle (not molasses). Crisps are what you call chips. Jelly is not jell-o. Dumbledore eats sherbet lemons, not lemon drops. We drink fizzy drinks (well, we mostly refer to them by brand or type) and not soda. We have candy floss, not cotton candy. We have mince beef, not ground beef - and there’s a rack of different names for vegetables (courgette vs zucchini, swede vs rutabaga etc.). Faggots are meatballs, not a homosexual slur.



Whilst public (private) schools may and do charge, there’s no indication that Hogwarts requires tuition fees. Nor do we pay for healthcare; Dudley wouldn’t have been charged to have his tail removed. We don’t have extra credit, and we don’t have a grade point average. In the 90s, there weren’t really proms, and no graduation ceremonies. (Some schools did awards ceremonies following results, usually in the first term of the next school year.) We don’t have kindergarten; we have reception.

We use the pavement, not the sidewalk. We use a car park and not a parking lot. In the 90s, you could legally smoke at 16 (now 18), you could legally drive at 17, you could legally drink at 18. In the 60s and 70s, the shopkeeper would’ve served Severus or Lily for their parents, even though they’re underage. Lily and Severus lived around the same postcode, not ZIP code. A yard in Spinner’s End is actually a yard (6 foot of paving), not a garden. If Severus wants to grow items for brewing (assuming no magical shenanigans), he probably needs to have an allotment. Our streets are not set up in blocks. Cokeworth is not in London, and certainly cannot be accessed via the tube.

You fill your car with petrol or diesel, not gas - and we drive on the motorway, not the freeway. We take lifts and not elevators. We sleep in beds (single, double, king, super king - not twin) and not cots. We live in flats, not apartments - and the first floor is up a flight of stairs from the ground floor. We go on holiday, not vacation. We use mobiles not cellphones, and when we shop we use a trolley and not a cart. We use put rubbish in the dustbin (or just bin); we don’t put garbage in the trashcan. We don’t knock on wood, we touch wood and whilst our measuring systems are screwed up, we definitely use celsius for outside temperature. …and if Hermione’s parents ever sort Severus’ teeth out, they use braces, not retainers. (Speaking of which, we also use braces to mean suspenders. Suspenders in British English mean garters.)

We say bum or bottom or backside or arse; not ass or butt and most definitely not fanny (which is something completely different). We have fringes and not bangs. Pants go under trousers unless you’re Superman. Vests go under a shirt, and waistcoats go over…and wifebeater is not a vest, but slang for a particular lager that gets people a bit handsy. We wear football boots and not cleats. (Btw, bleachers are stands.) We wear jumpers, not sweaters. We use wardrobes and cupboards, not closets. We wear trainers and not sneakers. We ring 999 in an emergency, not 911. We use plasters, not band aids. We use notes, not bills, and £5 is the lowest (the £1 note ceased being produced in the early 80s). We don’t leave money on the bar. Cigarettes have many names, including cig, ciggie, smoke and fag. …and we have our own television shows. US bands are often important in the UK, but we also have our own music as well.

There’s no such word as ‘gotten’ in British English (sorry, I know that’s a big one for most writers; you wouldn’t expect that we wouldn’t have it!).

And if you’re pissed, you’re drunk. If you’re annoyed, you’re pissed off. Which is probably what I sound in this post, but I promise, I am not. :)

I am sure there’s a billion more, but these were the ones that sprung to mind.

In fairness, the world is getting smaller. I read a lot of American fiction, and watch a lot of American fiction, and although I might huff a little to myself when I see Snape using an Americanism, it’s not super horrendous. I might roll my eyes at the sidewalk, but I know what one is and I can carry on reading; it just pulls me out of my spell a little.

If I’m absolutely honest, I’m always impressed when people have bothered to write at all - and I wouldn’t want anyone to freeze and think, “Oh no, I daren’t write anything ever again!” I mean, I’ll admit, I’ve read stories solely due to the trope, and the writing was genuinely atrocious…but I stuck with them, and the plot ended up being fantastic.

So I do try to not ‘nope’ out of something if I can help it; you might miss out on something wonderful. But to answer your question, the things that bother me most? Mom, pancakes for breakfast, and Hogwarts tuition fees. They’re the killers for me. :D