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My lord, the hills are alive with the sound of whining. Barack Obama and his Daleyite Kenyan Muslim hashashin — and also, too, Joe Motherfking Biden! — are out there doing terrible things with words and with pictures to Willard Romney and his faithful zombie-eyed granny-starving companion. Willard and all his people are looking around for someone to make... the... damn... call.

(We veteran hoop scribes recognize this as the Full Doctor Jack, after Jack Ramsay, the genius coach who led Portland to its Bill Waltonish glory, and who regularly performed a full German opera on the sidelines, begging the referees to stop tormenting him.)

First, Joe MF Biden starts using words like "chains," which, of course, means he's summoning up slavery and "playing the race card," which is not what Romney is doing with his mendacious TV welfare spots. Oh, no, my dear young man, that simply is not done. This prompted Romney spokesbot Andrea (Feeling Sick? Come To Massachusetts!) Saul also to hyperventilate:

"After weeks of slanderous and baseless accusations leveled against Governor Romney, the Obama Campaign has reached a new low," press secretary Andrea Saul said in a statement. "The comments made by the Vice President of the United States are not acceptable in our political discourse and demonstrate yet again that the Obama Campaign will say and do anything to win this election. President Obama should tell the American people whether he agrees with Joe Biden's comments."

And Obama spokesbot Stephanie Cutter is all, "Honky, please!"

"I appreciate the faux outrage from the Romney campaign. But if you want to talk about the use of words, then take a look at (Mitt Romney's) stump speech where he basically calls the president 'un-American,'" Cutter added.

But that was nothing compared to Willard himself, who once again on Tuesday night mistook a list of buzzwords for an actual argument and went completely off his trolley....

"Take your campaign of anger, hate and division back to Chicago and let us get about rebuilding this country," Romney told a mass of 5,400 supporters.

Also, too, this:

"That's because he's intellectually exhausted, out of ideas, and out of energy," said Romney of Obama in what was one of his most strongly worded speeches to date. "And so his campaign has resorted to diversions and distractions, to demagoguing and defaming others. It's an old game in politics; what's different this year is that the president is taking things to a new low."

I'm no expert, but I'd say the president may be a lot of things, but "out of energy" is definitely not one of them. It wasn't he who begged out of Orlando, pleading "exhaustion."

Yes, I fear it's time to bring out the old girl again....

Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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