I now present, for your WTFing pleasure, the works of one Ms. Laura Ingraham on the subject of whether men ought to have purses.

In their mission to erase all vestiges of masculinity once and for all, the fashion mavens have done away with the backpack, the briefcase, and the gym bag. The only accessory acceptable to the chic man about town is the murse. This purse-like man-pouch is all the rage in most metropolitan areas. At first, they weren’t as objectionable because they were modeled on satchels you’d expect to see on a World War I infantryman. But over the last few years, they have gotten more and more . . . well, feminine. The leather, canvas, and Naugahyde man-bags are now indistinguishable from their female counterparts.

Why does a man even need a purse? A man should carry around exactly two items: a wallet and a phone. If you routinely tote anything more than that, you just might be a woman. With coin purses, brushes, makeup, tissues, and other female products, we ladies need the extra space. A man can survive with a lot less.

What a man chooses to carry his stuff in tells us a lot about who he is. Men should by nature be solid, tough, and strong (think leather briefcase) — not soft, delicate, and transparent (think macramé tote). Carrying a shimmery Dolce & Gabbana clutch is not going to endear you to a woman — we won’t think you are cool or hip. But if you play your cards right, we might just loan you a set of matching pumps.

Men shouldn’t wear purses because it’s ridiculous because they’re men and men don’t wear purses because if that happened MAYHEM! and APOCALYPSE! and CATS AND DOGS LIVING TOGETHER!

It’s a classic example of the Fallacy of Buh?

Not to mention that men don’t have coin purses because they… don’t go to Laundromats? Don’t get change when they buy stuff? What? And men can’t have tissues because clearly the manly nasal cavities would never do something so feminine as sneezing.

The inability of men to wear purses is bullshit. Sometimes people– men and women– need to carry things between the “pocket” and the “backpack” size. Men are left either lugging around a large briefcase or backpack, or carrying it in their hands, or sticking it in the purse of a female friend, or leaving useful stuff like tissues at home. It’s stupid and impractical, and no one should give in to it to just to enforce a silly gender binary.

Memo to Laura Ingraham: Anything done by a man is a manly thing to do, on account of a man is doing it.

Also, boys in pumps are fucking hot.