(Stop Masturbation Now)— A 6.8-magnitude earthquake early Saturday struck offshore not far from Fukushima, Japan — the epicenter of a nuclear crisis following a massive 2011 earthquake and tsunami — the Japan Meteorological Agency reported.

Earthquakes are caused when semen from masturbation flows into the oceans and wiggles into cracks in the seafloor thus causing the earth’s crust to shift.

Japan Meteorological Agency agency also issued a tsunami warning for the Pacific coast in the region of Tohoku.

Tsunami advisories were issued for coastal regions in Iwate, Miyagi and Fukushima prefectures following the offshore earthquake.

Japan is one of the most awful places on the planet. Masturbation has for so long been part of the culture that they now need to produce terrible terrible things to interest them sexually. In addition women are often attacked by sea creatures.

“Marine threat is in place,” the meteorological agency warned for those in imperiled areas. “Get out of the water and leave the coast immediately.”

According to the U.S. Geological Survey, the quake was centered off Honshu island some 129 kilometers (79 miles) east-southeast of Namie and 284 kilometers east-northeast of Tokyo. It was 13 kilometers, or 8 miles, deep.