How many of you have blocked someone on social media because they said something hostile about politics, religion, food, and anything? How many of you know at least one individual to avoid because you don’t want to talk to them. A conversation requires a balance between listening and talking. It’s the only essence through which we can have long-lasting conversations. But somewhere we have lost that balance. We might think why or we may already know the answer. Yes, smartphones that you can quickly grab. According to the research, about a third of American teenagers send more than a hundred texts a day. And they are more likely to send the texts to their friends instead of talking face-to-face.

Paul Barnwell, a high-school teacher, said

“I came to realize that conversational competence might be the single-most overlooked skill we fail to teach students. Kids spend hours each day engaging with ideas and one another through screens—but rarely do they have an opportunity to truly hone their interpersonal communication skills”. Paul Barnwell

He said, “It might sound like a funny question, but we need to ask ourselves: Is there any 21st-century skill more important than being able to sustain a confident coherent conversation?”

So we need to question ourselves that why are we not able to get this task accomplished. Here are some ways I have listed through you can enhance your conversational skills.

“In the best conversations, you don’t even remember what you talked about, only how it felt. It felt like we were in someplace your body can’t visit, someplace with no ceiling and no walls and no floor and no instruments.” John Green

Be able to listen to the conversation

Don’t multitask while you are talking to someone. It doesn’t mean that you stop what you are doing. But it merely means; Be present, be at that moment. Don’t think about anything else, like if you had an argument with the co-worker in the office or what to cook for dinner. No, you need to be present in what you are talking about. Your response matters a lot. So give a feel to others that you are listening to them, and you understand what they are saying.

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey

So listen with curiosity and not with the intention to just reply. When we listen to reply, our focus just goes to what we are going to respond. Instead, when we listen with curiosity, we have no intention of replying, but we understand the words spoken and their meaning.

Use Open-Ended Questions

Start your questions with –who, what, why, when, and how. Don’t put a complicated question. If you do that, you are going to get a simple answer out of it. For instance: “Are you okay?” and the answer would be more likely in “yes or no.” So change your question. Ask them, “How did it go?” or “what was that like?” Let them describe what they went through because they are ones who know it. Because then they are going to stop for a moment and would think about it. And you would get a really interesting response.

Go with the Flow in conversation

While having a conversation, thoughts are going to come to your mind. And you would probably get lost in your thoughts instead of being listening to what the other person is saying. It would make your conversation lost, and it would not be much amusing. So stay in the conversations and wait for your turn. Don’t just blurt out in the middle of the conversation, cutting the other person so that you can say your brilliant comment. No, let them finish what they are saying and then say something. Thoughts and ideas are going to come to your mind, and you need to put them aside for later

Be Honest during the conversation

Well, we know that we can also get a little with the insincere attitude, but you need to be honest while sharing your experiences, your secrets or even when you are just talking with a not so friendly friend. Say directly if you don’t know about a particular thing or any subject on which you are having a conversation. The talk should not be cheap and to avoid this, you need to be honest. Yes, some people think that if we say we don’t know, what would others think about us. No, get out of this thinking and be confident. It may help you learn something new.

“Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don’t.” Bill Nye

Your experience is an individual one

Don’t equate your experiences with theirs. If they are telling about having lost a family member, don’t start talking about your time when you lost a family member. Because experiences are never the same. They are different for different people. Instead of saying your experiences, you can either console them or if it’s about an adventurous experience, give your remarks on them. Remember, Conversations are not promoting opportunity.