Okay.

I had it at the back of my head from, may be, a few weeks; and found the build-up to write this distracting enough that it took my focus from the task at hand – or it’s just my lack of sleep (5.5-6 hours for the past 4 days) – anyways, many things to say.

Should you write your every thought? Or just the conclusions (and possibly appear cryptic)? Perhaps, there is a middle way that one’s intuitions can provide. Just take the second last point of the last paragraph, about sleep – some would laugh (or its my anxiety?) that that amount of sleep is completely alright. Well, sleep needs vary from person to person. For me: I can go without sleep for a day; but then, it crashes – and I am faced with a choice of whether to burn myself more – or leave whatever stamina’s left for some other more important time. How likely is that more important time even?

On the choice mentioned in the last paragraph. This was crystallized much good by our philosophy professor – when tired, you actually have a choice to rest, or to continue, risking permanent damage to yourself. Adding my own – pain, tiredness are all tools for us to gauge our bodies, shaped by evolution (and may be, we should hope that they are accurate enough?); there actually are people who cannot feel pain! How amazing, or how terrible. I mean, if you couldn’t detect whether or not your leg is fractured, and go on about life, until you can no longer control it (= dead nerves!).

On pain. What would a universe be where physical harm was impossible – you could be pained (or suffered) or be without pain, but you would never go out of existence? In some respects, Digital World is such a place – actually, it was on the author’s part that they never let the children go out of existence – or they tried to, but failed at it. (I am looking at you, Our Future :P.) In fact, writing out such a universe is one of my long-term goals – other things I want to cover includes morality, eternal life and a “thought”-monster (aka Digital Monster), and an enemy that was “born-with-defects” (sociopath?). Someone would have written about these things – morality is itself a field in itself, sociopath-y is another. So, why should I even want to write such a novel? Just self-expression? I mean, that’s what I am doing even now. These creative pursuits are definitely a dopamine-booster, for me – even though, I know I should be asleep at this point, to cover my sleep-debt, to be in a better state to study for remainder of my end-semesters. Admittedly, having three days off is also a booster for this write-up.

For those unaware, there already are three references to Digimon (= Digital Monsters – that’s the third). Our Future was the name of the last Digimon Adventure tri. And well, DIgital World is the place where the kids adventure.

From three paragraphs back – I, definitely, enjoyed the philosophy course this semester. That triggered – how lonely the philosophers must have been? Yeah, the thought stems from my own loneliness – or as I browsed and learnt at this moment – intellectual loneliness. But, this, actually, isn’t limited to philosophers – but applicable to PhDs and experts as well. But, come on, I’m no expert – I shouldn’t be this lonely!

Let’s just pause a bit, and flatten the tree of thoughts. One is Digimon from, the general case, two paragraphs back. Another is Our Future. Yet another is loneliness. Still another is philosophy and current (Indian) times. Okay, one more “born-with-defects”.

Loneliness. Well, I have loved Digimon – it “re”started when Xros Wars was broadcasted in around 2011-13, back when, I was, 12-14. I had the internet at that time; and eventually, rediscovered Digimon Adventures (I had seen it when I was a child younger than 10!). And it’s not nostalgia – I have watched Pokemon more than that, at that point, but never developed the same kind of attachment. When I was 16, Digimon Adventure tri. was released – and the characters were 16 +/- 2! And it taught! A lot!

Loneliness. But, I can’t find one geographically local soul who would love Digimon (Adventures) enough, to re-watch Digimon Adventures tri. with it (the soul!). Seriously, if there was something I’d be looking for in a life partner, it would be this. (There are other things 😛 Like, Digimon (Adventures) is a necessary but not a sufficient condition.) Then again, it would hurt me if I discover that someone if liking it, for my sake, and not for sake itself. Love, criticize, but don’t ignore or pretend. (By the way, life partners is yet another topic.)

Loneliness. Sora. Sora is a character from Digimon Adventures. The mom of the group. An episode in tri. explores how someone like Sora who loves (= checks out) on everyone may not be checked out by anyone, if not for her partner (:P). Sometimes, it is just better to care about others. (We “ought to” feel good about such unconditional love.) Browsing the internet. “no one checks out on me”. Well. That is the real life. If you actually have people checking out on you, then congrats! You actually have people that care for you. Cherish those people!

A related trouble is not wanting others to care for you – over the internet, this is explored in the context of low self-esteem. In my case, it is more utilitarian – what would someone even do by checking out on me. There’s a better use of their time. I am not killing myself. May be I’d be much happier if they spend that time in the pursuit of their goals – in the pursuit of Our Goals.

Our Future. At the end of tri., the kids were faced with a choice – and, in fact, the author himself elaborated this point in an interview! Whether to trust the adults (= Homeostasis and Yggdrasil) or take matters into their own hands? My elaboration: is such a choice real? (Even deciding to collaborate is such a choice!) Are we actually facing such a choice? Pun intended – we, as in the youth of the world; we, as in adolescents. Does old age make people (much) more irrational than one might be in one’s youth? Should such people be allowed to govern? Well, constitutions do put an upper age limit – I don’t know if the purpose is the same.

To the Indian readers. That was not about India.

Well, this is about India: you actually want to know what intellectuality means? Read the correspondence between Tagore and Gandhi. Read the exchanges between Ambedkar and Gandhi. Note how the criticisms took place without personal assaults. The fact that I (and likely many others) can’t garner the courage to criticize at that level, definitely means something is wrong. Some things seem seriously wrong. Read those letters! Live, not to confirm your existence; but to disprove it!

Don’t know if a reader can feel me (shouting passionately) while writing this up – but if you do, isn’t that a wonder of the mind?

Will we ever understand this wonder, completely? (I am looking at you, Artificial General Intelligence.) Will we understand it before The Great Filter? Does the filter actually exist? Why don’t we see any aliens? Digital Monsters are, actually, AGI. Perhaps, it would be a few decades until we could have Digital Monsters.

Someone bought this up somewhere – that the partners were programmed to love their human partners. Isn’t that cruel? Look at our dogs. We bred only the ones most loyal to us. Pardon for that thought. It’s uncomfortable indeed.

Life partner. Am I longing for a life partner? Now, let’s first clear things up a bit – life partner, spouses, and all, generally (as I understand most understand) imply a sexual/sensual context. Well, that is a very incomplete context – partners, if you have ever watched Digimon Adventures, share a “genuine” love for each other, a feeling of one-ness. Platonic friends. Sexual contexts come much later. That’s how it is for us Asexuals anyways. (Again, don’t jump; browse if it piqued your interests.) Then again, being a life partner isn’t all good – you may share your joys; but be ready to help each other, unconditionally? Does it have to be explicit pairing? What exists in the absence of pairs are friends, doesn’t it?) The course on philosophy presented thoughts as to genuine solidarity might be impossible. And, what about the paragraph that ended with Our Goals?

Wisdom makes one sad, makes one lonely, (Heck, someone even outlined the various types of wisdom; the ones I remember include Theoretical Knowledge and Practical Knowledge.) But there definitely is something remarkable about philosophy – that people of all times arrive at conclusions along the same lines. If not for their own biases. It’s a unique kind of crystallized knowledge. Perhaps, being able to practice philosophy would be a good test for AGI – I think it is for humans. Especially, when we have something like Transformers. (Google “GPT-2 reddit”!)

To close. May be, I am longing for a life partner, or life long friends. (Read the second last paragraph!) But then again, I promised myself to live up to May 2020 without one (for fun’s sake! For my own challenge to myself that I can live alone; but that’s what I have been doing until now – living in intellectual loneliness!).

Oh wait, “born-with-defects”. Meicoomon. Again, tri. A cute Digimon, but born with defects. The show was nice – the viewer (INFPs perhaps?) developed attachment with the character, and they ended her life, mercifully.

Tldr; if you love Digimon (Adventures), for probably, the same reasons as me, please talk to me. Or just let me know you take interest in Digimon Adventures – I’ll talk to you. I have been longing for someone to have fun around it, since probably, the age of 16 or before – I’m 20 now.

Have a nice day!

PS: In hindsight, the title turned out to be a pun.

Edit: Grammatical and spelling mistakes. And the “Oh wait…” paragraph.