well since no one else is going to perform this vital public service here are some reviews of the top ten gun violins on google, by a violist who has shot a gun like twice.



3/10. strings seem to disappear and there are no tuning pegs. impossible to aim as a gun because violin body gets in the way. 3 points for classic black finish, never goes out of style for murders at the symphony.

0/10. same aiming problem as the last one and with strings that short the sound you produce will kill people on its own so why have a gun. also seems to be cut like you’re supposed to shoulder-mount it like a rocket launcher, which is a terrible idea with this kind of gun.

6/10. looks like they’ve gone for an electric violin which is a great choice! it fits the aesthetic and you don’t need to worry about the instrument body this way. heavy, but the weight is concentrated near the chin so should be fine for short sessions. tuning pegs are directly in the firing line so using the gun destroys the violin, only fire as a last resort.

2/10. not fit for either purpose. stupid fake gun gets in the way of the bow, and there’s no sound chamber at all. plus, where do you even put your shoulder. 2 points because I guess you could put it on your wall as a weird art piece.

8/10. finally someone is thinking this through! the retractable barrel and folding fingerboard offer good flexibility and the bridge even doubles as a handy iron sight! needs to be de-strung to fire, so limited on-the-fly mode switching.

1/10. firing the guns will absolutely annihilate the scroll but you might as well because it would have terrible sound anyway. 1 point for thinking of left-handed violinists for once.

-4/10. not even a gun, just a violin that lets you scope the audience for dramatic effect.

5/10. useful if you want to shoot yourself and the conductor at the same time, which is frequently a mood.

6/10. he a little confused, but he got the spirit. technically works as both weapon and instrument but be VERY careful putting it under your chin if you haven’t unloaded the bolt.

-100000/10 what the fuck