1. Phil Robertson: You can't get STDs from having "biblically correct" sex.

Boy are some Christians having “biblically correct” sex going to be pissed if they come down with an STD. “Duck Dynasty” patriarch, Phil Robertson, told them this would not happen. He said it in a sermon, in a church, in the house of God, so it must be true. He said, “Biblically correct sex is safe,” during a sermon in West Monroe, Louisiana recently. “It’s safe. You’re not going to get chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, AIDS.” He meant monogamous sex with an uninfected partner, which is true enough. But that sounds kind of scientific-ey. Also, it does not rule out the dreaded homosexuality, which he has a well-known track record of hating. So, yeah, he prefers the term “biblically-correct sex,” which is, of course, heterosexual, monogamous, and maybe just a tad boring.

But he’ll tell you what does spread diseases, “Orthodox liberal opinion,” that's what. Liberals are spreading “debilitating diseases” all over the U.S. Not sure how, but they are, trust him. Also, science. Robertson does not have much use for that. Nor does he have any use for knowledge, or anything else that does not come from the Bible.

Robertson is dumber than a post. He has revealed that repeatedly, for instance when he claimed black people were happier when they were slaves and during Jim Crow. There were other people with IQs lower than that of wood sitting in the church listening to him.

2. Phyllis Schlafly: Obama wants America to be just like Africa, Ebola and all.

Phyllis Schlafly is working hard to be the most hateful woman on the planet well into her dotage. In the last few weeks, the 90-year-old Eagle Forum founder has said some real doozies, from advising young women to get married to avoid being raped, to attributing the Secret Service mess-ups to the fact that an overweight woman was leading the agency. Now she is turning that lightning intellect to the scourge of ebola, which she says Obama is trying to spread around America.

To be fair, she thinks he’s also trying to spread other diseases. That’s why he let those kids from Central America in.

“Out of all the things he’s done,” Schlafly told WorldNetDaily in an interview this week, “I think this thing of letting these diseased people into this country to infect our own people is just the most outrageous of all.”

These diseased people. Let's just contemplate the hatefulness in that.

The problem, Schlafly says, is that Obama wants America to be as awful as other places. Especially Africa, because he rejects American exceptionalism. And because he’s black, of course. And because he's living in the White House with his family while black.

“Obama doesn’t want America to believe that we’re exceptional," Phyllis whined. "He wants us to be just like everybody else, and if Africa is suffering from Ebola, we ought to join the group and be suffering from it, too. That’s his attitude.”

Oh, ugh. Can’t someone get her to shut up? She is spreading the disease of hatred and ignorance every time she opens her mouth. Talk about a public health threat.

3. Fox & Friends freaks out about assault on Columbus Day.

Here we are just 83 shopping days away from the War on Christmas, and the poor, persecuted White Christians in this country are dealing with another all-out assault: the War on Columbus Day. This week, the good and long-suffering folks at Fox News reported the deeply distressing news that a Seattle school board voted to scuttle Columbus Day, and redub the holiday, “Indigenous People’s Day.” The horror. As Peter Johnson, Jr. appearing on Fox & Friends declaimed: “It’s a social and political statement that says Christopher Columbus was a violator of indigenous people. It’s a slap. It’s an attack on Columbus. Day.” (sic)

It's an attack!

It’s terrible because, as Stephen Colbert pointed out, Christopher Columbus was the kind of Spanish immigrant that Fox & Friends likes. Much better than the border crossers now.

What will the dastardly leftist, liberal social engineers think of attacking next?

4. Microsoft CEO: Women should not ask for raises. They should trust the system, their super-powers and karma.

We’re not totally certain of Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella’s political persuasion, but he definitely had a pretty tin-eared, right-wing moment this week when asked a predictable question about notorious unequal pay for women in the tech industry. How far do you have to have your head buried under a computer not to know that this question will come up when you are addressing a group at the annual Grace Hopper Celebration, which celebrates women in the tech field.

But—and this is a charitable interpretation because he has since back-pedaled—he really did not see that question coming. His advice to women in tech who feel underpaid was just so stunningly awful, it defies belief. Try passivity, he suggested. “It’s not really about asking for a raise, but knowing and having faith that the system will give you the right raise,” Nadella said, while discussing the issue with Dr. Maria Klawe, a member of the Microsoft Board, Harvey Mudd College president and computer scientist.

“That might be one of the initial ‘super powers,’ that quite frankly, women (who) don’t ask for a raise have,” he continued. “It’s good karma. It will come back.”

Good karma! Super-powers! Why didn't we think of that?

There was an uproar, and he apologized under duress. When he rehearsed that response in his head, did he not notice how ridiculous and off-base it sounded? Advice to future CEOs: If it does not sound right for men. It's not right for women. Sarah Silverman may be having a sex change to close the wage gap, but most women are not.

5. Michigan Republican: I am a scientist. And a climate-change denier to boot.

It has become commonplace for climate-change deniers to defend their ignorance by saying, "I'm not a scientist." To which the sensible retort should more often be: Well, that's fine, because luckily, there are scientists who have done the research, and they overwhelmingly tell us, we're entering a catastrophic phase of man-made climate change. We have to do something!

But Rep. Dan Benishek, Michigan GOPer is trying a different tack. He's claiming to be a scientist, and then denying overwhelming scientific evidence.

“The climate may be changing, but I don’t think man is contributing to it,” Benishek told ABC 10′s news director Greg Peterson, this week.

Peterson offered to “throw some science" at him.

No thank you, Benishek said. "I am a scientist. You know, I believe in peer-reviewed science. But, I don’t see any peer-reviewed science that proves there is man-made catastrophic climate change.”

Now, strictly speaking, he might not be lying. He could both be a scientist and manage not to see the overwhelming quantity of peer-reviewed science which proves that. Not a terribly observant or informed scientist. Not a good scientist. He did study biology and he went to medical school and has performed surgery.

He also is a scientist who gets a lot of support from the fossil fuel industry, according to OpenSecrets.

But we're sure that in no way has influenced his very scientific views.