Today's Lineups:

Home Team

Bernard Westmayne (DynamiteShovel)

Ripper the Wolf (Ripper the Wolf)

Balasar Shieldbiter (Daiko)

Xeaon Ravenwood (Xeaon)

Unavailable

Kilgan Fireheart V (Vilhjalmir) - Still the Gulag

Thoran Stonecrusher (HarryGoLucky) - Possibly dead in the Gulag

Goblin Scourge the Rabbit (Goblin Scourge the Rabbit) - DEAD!!!!

Shadious Beavertown (ShadyBeaver) - Dead Gulag.

Away Team

Dungeon Master (jptoc)

All kinds of evil shit (jptoc)

Where we left off:

The Party cleared the Redbrand Hideout and found a women and her children trapped down there. They were then given free reign to ransack a town, so I'm assuming that's where we're off to now.

1 - The Party make their way back into town, heads held high after the last adventure.

2 - Turns out the Gulag lot are in the pub just sitting around doing nothing. Lazy bastards.

3 - The party told the barmaid that the Redbrands are dead. She didn't ask them to. They're just bragging.

4 - Droop the Goblin walks in and gets some dirty looks. Xeaon offers him a seat.

7 - The party head off to the farms to bury Goblin Scourge and the owner comes out to question their decision.

8 - The owner's kid cries at the sight of the dead rabbit, which Bernard is waving in their face. As respected in death as he was in life.

9 - The golems and shiny birds circle around the grave. The Bard gives a quick eulogy. It was more effective than Scourge himself.

12 - Sleep time.

15 - It's a new day. Bernard is handed a Banana milkshake which has chunks of banana in it. Bernard wants to get smashed though, so he passes it on.

18 - Derrick Westmayne has a wine waiting for him. Grista definitely remembered his name.

20 - They walk into the nearby store and sell off their spare equipment. Xeaon grabs a pinch of iron.

22 - Bernard throws him the gems, and demands a certain amount, but the store owner isn't having it. Bernard walks out with a solid chunk of gold though.

24 - Owner shit talks Balasar, calling him a Scaly Man. Party shit talks back. Xeaon buys himself some robes.

25 - Owner doesn't have any decent armour. Shithouse store.

26 - Phandalin disgusts Balasar now. Haven't even seen a Dragonborn before. Disgrace.

27 - Bori the Enchanter enchanted a room in the Store to hold more things, but instead managed to make it so whenever the door is opened, only shows one item. 25 gold per attempt at the door.

30 - Bernard gets a card with a bird table on it. Turns out the card has some magical side to it. If Bernard throws it on the ground, something will happen.

33 - Balasar gets a small box. Everyone tries an Arcana check, but no one can figure it out. Then Droop steps up! He thinks it's a fucking spear. Usless.

34 - Xeaon spots a hinge on the box. The party just open it. There's nothing inside.

35 - Droop tries to pick it up, but fails. Balasar struggles to lift it, but grabs it.

37 - Sounds like there's a baby in the back as Xeaon takes his shot, but the shopkeep only comes back with a photo album. Something inside it feels magical to Xeaon.

38 - Xeaon opens the book, which contains pictures of himself as a child. The shopkeep is enthralled by it, and no one can get his attention.

40 - The album is closed and the man snaps back to reality. They then head off to Bori's house.

41 - Balasar hands Bori the box, and he falls down.

42 - Bori turns the box upside down and stuff comes out. He then opens it above his head and dust falls on him, transforming him into a tall, handsome elf.

43 - Turns out it's a box of disguise and you don't even need to hold it above your head the whole time. Neat.

44 - Bernard hands Bori the card. Gnome drops it, the fucking idiot. A bird feeder explodes from the ground. It then fills with seed and from outside they hear some chirping.

46 - MANY MANY BIRDS!! Bernard grabs the card, and the bird feeder collapses back into it. The birds fly off.

47 - Bernard roasts Bori.

48 - The Party sit with Bori and wait for the disguise to wear off. He offers to take the Party out to test a few wands.

49 - Xeaon fires off a wand at one of the golems, killing the poor thing. Above it, a rain cloud appears and the rain starts pouring.

50 - Half an hour later, the disguise wears off.

52 - We take a well-earned break to shit talk Beavs. It was fun.

53 - They go to the mines and talk to their quest giver to recieve the reward. 100 gold pieces.

55 - Halia doesn't like Droop.

56 - EXPOSITION PART TWO!! She interrogates him about Cragmore Castle which has ghouls and shit. Droop was there. He can go there.

57 - Bernard tries to backhand Droop, but Xeaon sticks his hand out. The hand and Droop recieve a backhand. Dwarf was taken by Castle people into potential mine.

58 - Droop's still dragging around his Morningstar.

59 - Halia is looking for Shadious. Party don't care though. Balasar demands some respect for Dragonborns. Doesn't get it. Fuck this town.

61 - Off to Thundertree during the night. Xeaon unleashes a ball of light, which follows the party. Balasar and Ripper take the lead.

62 - The Party hears some creepy snickering off of the trail. Bernard tries to figure out what they are, but fails. He has a vague understanding of the language, but it's an incredibly twisted version of Common, so he doesn't understand much.

66 - DROOP STEPS UP AGAIN! He realises that they are Ghouls. Turns out they eat people.

67 - Xeaon casts Enlarge on Balasar, making him 18 feet tall. The Ghouls screech at Balasar, who roars back, charging forward.

70 - Three of the five are terrified by Balasar.

71 - Bernard tells Droop to sit in front of him.

73 - Bernard fires a shot off, but misses badly.

74 - Xeaon casts Grease in the middle of the Ghouls, three of them trip up.

77 - The Ghouls move forward. Balasar responds in kind, bringing his greataxe down. Misses by miles though due to his new height.

78 - Ripper dives in, ripping at the Ghoul's leg, dealing a chunk of damage.

79 - Bernard rushes forward alongside Balasar and Ripper. He then draws his Morningstar. He misses. AGAIN.

81 - Ripper bites down again, ripping away some more at the leg.

82 - Xeaon moves forward and throws a fireball at the greased up Ghouls, setting the pool of grease ablaze along with the Ghouls.

83 - A Ghoul tries to bite Balasar, causing major damage. Another dives on Bernard, causing monstrous damage.

87 - Balasar heals himself, hands Bernard a healing potion then brings his Great Axe down, hacking off an arm of the one that bit Bernard. Big money moves.

88 - Droop charges forward, looking to defend his master. The master that backhanded him earlier. LOVE ME, DROOP!

91 - Bernard chugs that health potion, regaining his wits. He draws his dagger and dives at Ripper's prey. He misses.

93 - Ripper finishes off his prey instead.

94 - Xeaon moves to the side and fires off a Fireball, striking a burning ghoul. Doesn't do much though. More heat for the flames.

95 - The 'armless Ghoul dives at Balasar, teeth bared. The teeth break on Balasar's scaly skin (FUCK YOU, TOWNSPEOPLE, IT'S USEFUL!), and deal no damage.

96 - Burn Ghouls, burn! One collapses, killed by the blaze. One makes it out. The other is still in the fire.

97 - Balasar brings his greataxe down on the 'armless Ghoul, but he just chops through the already chopped off arm.

98 - Bernard takes the morningstar, shit talking Droop as he does. I really don't need to tell you that he missed it. Of course he fucking missed. He blames Droop.

99 - Ripper dives in and tears at the Ghoul.

100 - The ghoul dives back at Balasar, but breaks another tooth. Balasar cleaves it apart with his great axe.

105 - The Party take a rest. Bernard SMASHES some rocks with his Morningstar.

106 - Time to move on, and the Party arrive at Thundertree, a ghost town that has a sign saying Plant Monsters & Zombies.

112 - Lots of trees, lots of houses, lots of one tower and a bunch of doors to break. Gonna be fun.

113 - The Party approach an ex-tavern. Bernard scouts around the building, trying to see if anything is inside.

114 - Droop steps up and dives against the door, trying to smash it. He bounces off. He's not letting that stop him. Bounces off again though.

116 - Balasar kicks the door, but it barely moves.

117 - Xeaon tries now, but fails too. Bernard's turn. He cheats by casting a spell. He still fails.

118 - Balasar swings at the door with his Greataxe, but only manages to embed it in the gutter above. He rips the greataxe out of the gutter as Bernard dives against the door, knocking it open.

119 - There's a bunch of Ash Zombies inside. This wasn't worth it.

122 - Xeaon throws a fireball in, striking one of the Zombies, dealing strong damage.

123 - Droop cowers behind Balasar.

124 - Bernard retreats and starts firing his crossbow at one of the Zombies. Bolt thuds into the chest of it.

126 - Balasar takes a stance at the door and fires at the same Zombie the others hit.

127 - The Zombies pour out. Droop takes a hit.

128 - The Zombie that has been taking the punishment charges at Xeaon and lands a clubbing blow.

129 - Another two smash in to Balasar, but only one does damage.

133 - Xeaon fires off a Grease, excluding Balasar and Droop. The Zombies fall, but Ripper remains standing.

134 - Droop dives back in, smashing down with the morningstar, hitting a monstrous blow to the Ash Zombie.

135 - The Ash Zombie blasts Droop and Balasar with an ash poof, but Balasar shakes that shit off. Droop's now struggling.

136 - Bernard dives forward, intending to show Droop up. He fucks up again.

137 - Ripper, eyes rolling, dives at one of the Zombies and rips away at the Zombie. Zombie drops dead. Deader?

140 - Balasar dives in, swinging his scimitar at the Ash Zombies.

141 - Zombie doesn't care though and dives at Bernard. Misses though. Shithouse.

Other one dives at Droop. Misses though. Shithouse.

Third one dives at Balasar. Misses though. Shithouse.

142 - Xeaon fires another shot at the Zombies, hitting hard.

143 - Droop can't repeat his heroic actions and misses with the morningstar.

144 - Bernard isn't one for giving up. He swings the morningstar once more, but fucks it up. He's hopeless. It slips out of his hand.

146 - Ripper dives back in, here to save face for his master. He tears apart another Zombie, but it survives.

147 - Balasar brings his scimitars down on the Ash Zombie, causing some of the ash to fly down his throat. He just spits it out though.

148 - Bernard takes a shot from one of the Zombies.

149 - Balasar watches as a Zombie tries to dive at him, but it slips in the grease.

150 - Xeaon tries to throw a fireball, but he overload the spell and it explodes around him.

151 - Droop's a fucking man though, and he swings his morningstar down on the Ash Zombie, destroying it. Droop is better than Bernard confirmed.

152 - Bernard draws the Sword of Talon and manages to rip through his own harp strings, and then loses grip of it. I'm running out of ways to say he's hopeless.

153 - Ripper can't finish off the zombie.

154 - Balasar just drops his scimitars on the grounded opponent. Fatality.

155 - Bernard's foe fails to hit him.

156 - The final Zombie pulls itself back together once again following a fireball from Xeaon. Droop fails in his attempt to finish it off, but misses.

157 - Bernard successfully draws his dagger and stabs at the zombie. He stabs straight through the heart, but the zombie doesn't give a fuck. EVEN WHEN HE DOES GOOD, HE STILL FAILS!!

158 - The Zombie shakes off another Ripper hit.

159 - Balasar casually swings back and hits the zombie, finishing it off.

160 - Balasar starts searching the tavern and finds a lot of ale and casks. Casks are dry.