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It really frustrates me when people say to me: “Well as long as you’re happy/this makes you happy.” in regards to my androgyny.

I get that their trying to be nice and their intentions are pure or what have you. But really I find it such an ignorant thing to say. It’s got such an optimist spin to it and I feel it ignores and dismisses a lot of the pain I feel. I suffer from a lot of dysphoria. People misgender me all the time. My parent’s down right refuse to even consider my androgyny. I have complete strangers catcall and ask me unnecessary questions. Most of the times I just don’t bother leaving my house. S’cuse you but how could that make anybody happy?

And what frustrates me further is lot of the times they say it in relation to/adjacent in conversation to them thinking/saying androgyny is a choice. Well, it’s not like I just woke up one day and *POOF* I decided to be androgynous. There was no “I want to be a ‘special little snowflake’” or “I don’t like how society is structured so I’m gonna bend social norms” because I have a rebellious personality, or because I think it’d be cool or fun or would make me happy.

No. Sorry, that’s not how it works. You think I choose to be this way? Fuck. I want to be happy. My entire life goal is to be content. I don’t want to give a damn about what society, my friends or family thinks. I know that in order to get there I have to accept myself for who I am, pain and discomfort, quirks and differences and all. So maybe by the time I’m 85, yeah. You know what? Maybe then being androgynous will make me genuinely gleeful.

This feeling of androgyny. It’s not happy. It’s not a choice. I’m not joyous or glad or smitten with a gender radiance that just brightens everybody’s day. Nope.

It just feels right. Correct. Dead on, and just me. Plain ol’ me.

Is that really so hard for them to understand?