Last week Portsmouth's John Durnin, playing a round of golf with Alan McLoughlin, crashed his buggy into a fairway hollow and dislocated his elbow. He'll be out for six weeks. 'People think we must have been larking about but me and Macca like our golf and we weren't being silly or anything like that,' he explained afterwards. The accident happened as the pair were admiring the view from their buggy, and not looking at the ditch beneath them. 'It could have been a lot worse and we're lucky to come out of it like we have.'

In fact, Johnny Lager (as he is known to the fans) and his golf buggy come out of it as the newest members of football's greatest injury list - bringing together the (often inanimate) objects and the players they have wounded.

Chief among them, inevitably, is Dave Beasant, whose salad cream jar disaster in the 1993-94 season caused him more embarrassment and pain than any other injury in his career. 'I can remember it very clearly,' he says. 'It was pre-season and I was going into a pantry cupboard at home to get something out, and my elbow knocked over this jar of salad cream. Both my hands were holding on to things, so my natural reaction was to stick out my foot to stop the jar hitting the floor. Unfortunately I wasn't wearing any shoes or socks, and so when the jar hit my foot I got a nasty cut. It went right down to the bone and injured the ligaments underneath.

'It sounds funny but it ended up the most serious injury I had in my entire career and I was out for two-and-a-half months.'

That list in full

Puppy pee

As revealed by The Observer last season, Barnsley's Darren Barnard slipped in a puddle of his new puppy's pee on the kitchen floor. The resulting knee ligament damage kept him out of action for five months.

Remote Control

Young Wolves striker Robbie Keane ruptured his knee cartilage in October last year after stretching to pick up his TV remote control.

Dog

Brentford goalkeeper Chic Brodie had his career finished in a 1970 mid-match collision with a pitch-invading dog.

Tony Adams

Steve Morrow broke his collarbone after falling off Tony Adams while celebrating the 1993 League Cup final win.

Toddlers

David Batty's return from an Achilles tendon injury was put back when he was run over by his toddler on a tricycle; Allan Nielsen of Spurs missed several matches after his daughter poked him in the eye; and Republic of Ireland star Alan McLoughlin - John Durnin's golf-partner - ruptured his right thumb picking up daughter Megan.

Temper

Man United goalkeeper Alex Stepney, in 1975, screamed so hard at his team-mates that he broke his jaw.

Ferrari

Alan Wright, Villa's little full-back, needed treatment for a knee strain caused by stretching to reach the accelerator in his new Ferrari. 'It gave me grief,' said Wright, who swapped the car for a Rover 416.

Lawnmower

Arsenal legend Charlie George never fully recovered from cutting off his big toe with a lawnmower.

Bathrooms

Lee Hodgesof Barnet slipped on a bar of soap in the shower, wrenching his groin; Alan Mullery missed England's 1964 tour of South America after putting his back out while brushing his teeth.

Fish

Aston Villa's Shaun Teale gashed his forearm cleaning out the family fish tank.

...and the best from abroad

Brazilian star Ramalho was in bed for three days after swallowing a suppository to treat a dental infection; Milan Rapaic missed the start of Hajduk Split's season after sticking his boarding-pass in his eye at the airport; and, tragically, Indonesian star Mistar, 25, was killed by a herd of pigs that invaded his team's training pitch before a Cup fixture in 1995.