In a re-boot of the Crocodile Dundee film, the Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife could well be slotted into the “That’s not a knife… this is a knife” scene.

It looks like a satirical pisstake, but the Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife is most assuredly a real product. Part with US$999 for the Giant, and you could be the king of the campground.

The 87 implements (listed below) on this Swiss Army Knife perform 114 functions. There’s your standard knife and tool implements, a smattering of golf and personal grooming tools, a cigar cutter, laser pointer, flashlight, and, well, more.

The Giant Swiss Army Knife is 8.75 inches wide, and weighs 0.9 kilograms. Not surprisingly, it beat all comers in the Most Functions on a Penknife in the 2008 Guinness Book of Records.

The Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife has been around for a couple of years now, which makes me wonder just what the evil geniuses at Wenger are going to do next in this vein. Voice activated tool selection? Flux capacitor repair tool? Electric eel attachment for plumbers? Remote control function so you can click a buttton and have your big-ass Swiss Army Knife knife wend its way to you? Or are they thinking product mash-up, and have been talking to the evil geniuses at Nerf?

I don’t know the answer to this. But I really want to!

If the Giant Swiss Army Knife is a little too much, check out the rest of the Wenger range at the Wenger Store on Amazon .

What’s the Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife packing?

Here’s the list of what Wenger has packed into the Giant Swiss Army knife, testing the very limits of modern metallurgy and pocket technology:

Nail file

Nail cleaner

Corkscrew

Adjustable pliers with wire crimper and cutter

Removable screwdriver bit adapter

2.5″ Blade for Official World Scout Knife

Spring-loaded, locking needle-nose pliers with wire cutter

Removable screwdiver bit holder

Phillips head screwdriver bit 0

Phillips head screwdriver bit 1

Phillips head screwdriver bit 2

Flat head screwdriver bit 0.5mm x 3.5mm

Flat head screwdriver bit 0.6mm x 4.0mm

Flat head screwdriver bit 1.0mm x 6.5mm

Magnetised recessed bit holder

Double-cut wood saw with ruler

Chain rivet setter

Removable 5 mm Allen wrench

Screwdriver for slotted and Phillips head screws

Removable tool for adjusting spokes

10 mm hexagonal key for nuts

Removable 4mm curved allen wrench with Phillips head screwdriver

Patented locking screwdriver

Universal wrench

2.4″ Springless scissors with serrated self-sharpening design

1.65″ Clip point utility blade

Phillips head screwdriver

2.5″ Clip-point blade

Club face cleaner

2.4″ Round tip blade

Patented locking screwdriver

Cap lifter

Can opener

Shoe spike wrench

Divot repair tool

4 mm Allen wrench

2.5″ Blade

Fine metal file with precision screwdriver

Double-cut wood saw with ruler

Cupped cigar cutter with double honed edges

12/20 Guage choke tube tool

Watch caseback opening tool

Snap shackle

Mineral crystal magnifier

Compass

Straight edge, ruler (in./cm)

Telescopic pointer

Fish scaler

Hook disgorger

Line guide

Shortix laboratory key

Micro tool holder

Micro tool adapter

Micro scraper – straight

Micro scraper – curved

Laser pointer with 300 ft. range

Metal file

Metal saw

Flashlight

Micro tool holder

Phillips head screwdriver 1.5mm

Screwdriver 1.2mm

Screwdriver .8mm

Fine fork for watch spring bars

Reamer

Pin punch 1.2 mm

Pin pinch .8 mm

Round needle file

Removable tool holder with expandable receptacle

Removable tool holder

Special self-centering screwdriver for gunsights

Flat Phillips head screwdriver

Chisel-point reamer

Mineral crystal magnifier

Small ruler

Extension tool

Tire tread gauge

Fibre optic tool holder

Can opener

Cap lifter

Wire stripper

Reamer

Awl

Toothpick

Tweezers

Key ring

So what do you think? Could you see your pocket keeping company with this Swiss Army Knife?