My husband was an activist from El Salvador. One time, he left on a trip in about November and I didn’t hear a word from him until February. Finally, he called and asked me to meet him in Mexico City the next day. We had about one day and one night together. I knew that going back to El Salvador would be really dangerous. I also knew that if he couldn’t do the one thing that was the most important to him, that it would be like he wasn’t really living. A few weeks after I got home, I found out that I was pregnant. A few weeks after that, I found out that Wilfredo had been killed. I was just so glad that he was leaving part of himself with me. I named him Daniel, a pseudonym that his father used. Having Danny in my life was like having a light. I was grieving and then I had this beautiful baby. I thought about, even though Wilfredo isn’t here, how can I raise Danny in a way that would make him proud? But on the other hand, I didn’t want Danny to feel like he had to replace his father in any way. And so I wrote him a letter and I promised him that I was going to let him be who he was and allow him to walk his own path. That promise turned out to be really important. A few weeks before Danny’s fourth birthday, he told me that he wanted to be a princess for Halloween. This wasn’t really a big surprise to me. From the time he was 1 and 1/2 years old, he had this Barbie that he took with him everywhere he went and he loved purple and pink. I usually let him do his thing at home, but in public, I was worried about judgment and teasing. I didn’t know if I was doing something wrong as Danny’s mom. And I also kind of wondered what Wilfredo would have said or done. I say to Danny, “How about Peter Pan instead?” But Danny was really clear on what he wanted. I had to make a choice. Would I try to pressure him to be like other boys? We found this big purple lacy dress that had jewels on it and I cut it down to size for Danny and I also found a pink shimmery gown because I decided I could be a princess, too. I had a dream that Wilfredo came back to meet Danny. I thought, oh no, what if he sees Danny in his princess dress? And what if he doesn’t accept him for who he is? But I also believe in something pretty fundamental. Parents don’t get to decide who their children are. What we get to do is to support them. I do believe that Wilfredo would have seen that honoring Danny for who he is was important to him. Danny is really full of love and heart — something that he got from his dad. I would tell him, Danny has not followed exactly in your footsteps, but I can’t imagine that you wouldn’t be incredibly proud of our son. He’s one of the bravest people I’ve ever met, just like you. My mother Nina — I don’t know a lot about her. I remember that she was profoundly sad. It was sad being around sadness.