When David Ortiz retired from the Red Sox, he did so after a year-long goodbye tour befitting arguably the greatest designated hitter of all time. When former San Antonio Spurs power forward and Concord, New Hampshire native Matt Bonner announced his retirement Friday after a 12-year NBA career in which he averaged a hair under six points and 17 minutes a game, he did so in a hilariously understated video that belongs on a New Hampshire public access channel.

The video features Bonner addressing an empty school auditorium (the only reporter who showed up did so because she thought it was for Matt Damon) and awkwardly walking through beautiful New Hampshire landscapes to the song “Fly Into the Mystery” by ’70s Natick, Massachusetts rock group Jonathan Richman and The Modern Lovers, which features references to long-departed Filene’s and Gilchrist’s department stores in Downtown Crossing.


Despite Bonner’s joke in the video about playing in the Concord Men’s League Over-35 Division, in reality he won’t be straying far from the NBA. The Spurs announced in a press release that the Red Mamba would be joining the team’s TV team starting next week.