It has recently come to my attention that people here aren't pulling their weight for our corporate elites.

In fact, I'm ashamed to say that some of you are guilty of thought-crimes.

In the interests in Unity(tm) I'd like to remind you that we are in a struggle against

Trump/Putin/ZombieHitler. If that can't motivate you to join the McResistance, I don't know what will.

Now that I have your attention, let me remind you who our enemies are:

Trump, Putin, RT, people with Russian accents, NeoNazis, alt-right internet trolls, Bernie Bros, socialists, former coal miners, anarchists, the ghost of George Carlin, anyone who ever sent a link to Wikileaks, Edward Snowden and Glen Greenwald, people against wars and imperialism, those who didn't vote for Hillary, and Zombie Hitler.

It's because of these deplorables that Putin now has a sleeper cell in the White House.

Fortunately the always loyal and trustworthy agencies - the CIA and NSA - are resisting these Russian/Commie/Nazis, so we must rally to their side, by wearing pink hats and engaging in symbolic acts of virtue signaling.

Now that there is a Special Counsel appointed, it's only a matter of time before something is turned up that will trigger regime change.

At which point the nightmare will be over and Kamala Harris will lead us to the neoliberal meritocracy Utopia, where no one is discriminated for their race or sex, only for being poor.

In the neoliberal meritocracy Utopia all the rich, multi-racial kids are pretty and get good grades in their private schools, and poor people accept they are impoverished because they are morally flawed.

In the neoliberal meritocracy Utopia the only true sin is to be an impoverished white male who doesn't check his privilege.

It will be a glorious day when Harris leads us to the promised land. We know she will because wealthy donors have vetted her, and she's a black woman.

The challenge here is that our enemies don't realize that they are Russian/Commie/Nazis.

They are under the delusion that they are regular Americans that have lost faith in a rigged and corrupt political and economic system. They believe that multinational corporations control our political system and our civil rights are being crushed by an omnipresent police/surveillance state.

What's more, these people generally resent being called racist and sexist.

That's where you come in!

It is your job, as part of the McResistance, to call these people bad names, and to shame them into silence. It's very important to defend our freedom by silencing all dissent, especially left-wing dissent. Orwell taught us that the control of language and widespread self-censorship is the cornerstone of democracy and liberty.

Your three methods of accomplishing this goal are:

1) Hyping the threat of Russia, even if it means risking nuclear annihilation of the human race.

It is important to keep people terrified, otherwise people might notice that are being robbed blind by the corporate elites.

2) Hammer the identity politics. Sure they may be impoverished, and none of their ancestors had ever oppressed anyone, but they share the skin color of someone not related to them that probably oppressed people sometime in the past, and they aren't ashamed of it!

There is no greater sin, so let them know it. Especially members of the working classes who couldn’t afford to go to university and learn about intersectionality.

This will keep people atomized in tiny and powerless subgroups that are easy to control. Remember: Solidarity is a bad thing until it is commodified and sold by a PR firm.

3) Keep repeating that Trump = Putin = ZombieHitler.

You just can't say it enough.

I think that's everything. You are now prepared to join the McResistance.

Good luck soldier! And be careful - you never know when a Russian/Commie/Nazi might try to infect you with thought crimes, so always be on guard.