Last month, I discussed the meaning of the LGBT label in an article on the LGBT community. But how often do we stop and consider the meaning behind the ‘B’ within that acronym? Bisexuality is a topic which receives surprisingly little coverage or discussion in the media.

Indeed, this is arguably still true in comparison to transsexuality, which has received growing popular attention lately with the success of Laverne Cox in Orange is the New Black, and Conchita Wurst in the Eurovision song contest last month (even though Conchita is a drag act, not a transsexual, but that’s for a whole different article). Transsexuality has also been the subject of numerous awareness campaigns and even documentary series on channels such as BBC 3, and rightly so. It’s something which we need to give our due attention.

But what about bisexuality? There seems to be a prevailing popular assumption here that everyone knows what bisexuality is, since we already understand homosexuality and heterosexuality as different sexual orientations. Usually, people assume that bisexuality draws the links between the two and that it acts as something in the middle. They thus assume that bisexual people face similar challenges to gay people, possibly even to a lesser extent since they can still ‘act’ straight if they ‘wanted to’.

This is hugely frustrating for me. While I may not be bisexual myself, I have made a number of friends over the years who identify as such, and it staggers me how much we think we know about bisexuality which is actually based on assumptions about different sexualities. I myself was embarrassed to find that I had underestimated the difficulties and complexities of this deceptively simplistic label when I first began properly interacting with bisexual friends and acquaintances.

So, here are six myths which I have noticed throughout my life and which I feel typify the flawed nonchalant attitude which people seem to have towards bisexuality and people who identify as bisexual. Many of these myths come from stories I’ve been told by bisexual friends of mine, or just from my own observances as a curious individual.

1) Coming out: Bisexual people are actually gay

Coming out is scary for anyone at any time or any place, often because LGBT people – young and old – are afraid of what others will think of them. For gay men, in particular, the aggression targeted at out men across the world can be very daunting. Gay women often experience the same aggression, or are even forgotten about or believed to be non-existent in some countries and faiths.

Due to this scary atmosphere, adopting the label of bisexuality upon coming out, even if you are actually homosexual, can be a lot easier, since one can appease friends and family by saying ‘Hey, I still like the opposite sex!”. The problem with this very real phenomenon is two-fold. Firstly, it’s harmful to these individuals to know that they have lied to themselves as well as to everybody else, and that the truth still needs to come out sometime.

The second, and more harmful outcome, is that when a bisexual person comes out to friends and family, people will often assume that the individual is actually gay beneath the skin but just doesn’t want to say it yet. Often people within the LGBT community itself are the guiltiest here, since they think they know better or have lied about their sexuality themselves. I have known bisexual people who, as a result of this myth, fostered by the LGBT community itself, are worried that their friends won’t believe them when they come out.

2) Bisexual women are promiscuous

The label of promiscuity has stubbornly attached itself to gay and bisexual people for decades, but it seems to me that it has been acutely targeted at bisexual women in particular through lad culture.

This involves young straight men taking pictures of straight women kissing each other in clubs or bars, usually as a ‘hot’ joke which, of course, the straight man taking the photo is only too keen to encourage. Such pictures are then posted online on Facebook etc, and we’ve probably all seen them at some stage in our lives.

The issue with this photo-taking is that the straight actors involved often assume that this frivolity is what bisexuality entails, and thus expect that bisexual women will be even keener to get involved in such photos. It thus encourages people to label young bisexual women as promiscuous when they come out to their friends, and can lead to bisexual women being pressured into getting involved in the aspect of lad culture which creates these assumptions.

3) You’re either straight or you’re gay

Ever known someone who had a number of heterosexual relationships as they grew up but one day introduced you to their same-sex partner? Did you assume that that person had been gay all along but never told you? Well, perhaps you fell foul of this mistake too.

Yes, people do make this mistake by forgetting that if someone is in a same-sex relationship it does not, in any way, mean that they are gay by default, they can, of course be bisexual instead. It’s just a surprise how often people forget this and assume that they know a person better than they know themselves, without being told otherwise.

Of course, this works both ways, with people assuming that you are straight if you’ve only ever been with opposite-sex partners. The same need for open-mindedness applies.

4) Bisexual attraction is a 50/50 thing

Bisexual people are attracted to both men and women – i.e. both sides of the gender binary. A common misconception here is that they are attracted to 50% men and 50% women. After all, homosexuality means that 100% of the people which you are attracted to are of the same-sex, and the opposite is true if you are heterosexual. People therefore assume that bisexuals are right in the middle.

However why can’t 10% of the people which one bisexual person finds attractive be male, for instance, and the other 90% female? There is no reason why the ratio couldn’t even be 1 man to 99 women – the person attracted to them could still identify as bisexual quite happily.

The fact is, it is far more preferable, flexible and intelligent to view bisexuality, not a sexuality which sits right in the middle of a homosexual-to-heterosexual spectrum, but as a label which can be adopted by someone who sits anywhere between these two sexualities. Bisexual just means that you are attracted to both men and women at some stage in your life, it does not mean that the ratio of men to women has to be 50/50.

5) Threesomes

Often people who haven’t thought about bisexuality assume that it means ‘wanting to have sex with two people’. Obviously, this idea is linked to ideas of bisexual promiscuity and of bisexuality being about satisfying a 50/50 sexual attraction.

While it may seem ludicrous, you’d be surprised how often bisexual people encounter this idea of bisexuals having a penchant for threesomes. Doing a quick image search on Google for bisexual people often brings up pictures of three lovers as opposed to two. Clearly it’s an idea that some aspects of the media buy into as well.

6) Bisexual people don’t exist

The above myths often culminate in people’s minds to form the belief that bisexual people just flat-out do not exist at all. I’ve been furious to know friends of mine, even gay friends, who also believe this myth. They either assume that bisexual women are just ‘attention-seeking’ straight women conforming to lad culture, or that bisexual men are actually gay men too frightened to admit the ‘truth’.

The fact is though, if someone tells you that they are bisexual, believe them and stand by them. If later they tell you that they are gay but were unsure before, then fine, accept that. That does not mean that this scenario is true for anyone else who uses the label ‘bisexual’. Ask the hundreds of thousands of people who use the bisexual label with confidence and security everyday if you think that I’m wrong.

Looking at these six myths reminds us that bisexual people are more diverse, and their label less simplistic, than we often assume. The struggles and difficulties which face bisexual people are not the same as lesbian and gay people within the LGBT bracket. We need to actually take the time to understand the ways in which the ‘B’ in that acronym stands out on its own. We’re giving that attention to transsexuality, so why not bisexuality?

Are there any myths about bisexuality which you have come across during your life and are not on this list? Or do you think I’m wrong about any of the myths which I have described?

Leave a comment below, I’d love to hear your thoughts!