Some crazy developments crop up in “Like a Virgin,” the eighth episode of Veronica Mars Season 1. This episode marks the culmination of a few plot points that have been developing over the immediately preceding handful of episodes (and we meet a few new characters who will be varying levels of important later!)

So this seems like as good a place as any to resume our re-watch reviewing.

Buckle up, Marshmallows!

What went down since last we met? Here’s the lowdown on the most important developments from episodes six and seven, “Return of the Kane” and “The Girl Next Door,” respectively.

Abel Koontz, Lilly’s confessed murderer on death row, fired his public defender and is apparently ready to die for the crime.

Veronica, via photographic evidence, realized that a pair of distinctive shoes that were still in Lilly’s room immediately after her death somehow made their way to Koontz’s place– two months later.

Logan’s father, Aaron Echolls, is a grade-A d-bag and all around abusive jerk to Logan.

A certain red-headed Academy Award-nominated actress Parker Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

We got confirmation that Weevil did, in fact, have “relations” with Lilly when she was alive (and has a tattoo of her name, that he lied to Logan about when confronted).

Veronica discovered that her mother and Jake Kane were a couple in high school.

I love just about everything in this episode, despite how epically dated the case-of-the-week feels.

“How Pure Are You?”

The central snafu Veronica is trying to untangle in this episode revolves around an online purity test. An unknown someone creates the test, adapting it from a “Grind Girl Magazine” quiz (which… is that magazine even a thing? Was it?), and unleashes it upon the gossipy Neptune High student body.

All hell breaks loose (a.k.a., that chaotic school fight from Mean Girls happens) when the detailed results of anyone’s purity tests become available for the very reasonable price of $10 a pop.

Remember when I said this was dated? I can’t even imagine a current show (even a teen-centric show on The CW) centering an entire episode around what essentially amounts to sexual shaming (particularly female-centric).

In other news, I think this episode helps me pinpoint exactly where I decided that I’d be taking the “hard pass” position on all things Duncan. At some point, a handful of the more irritating 09ers are converged, pre-purity test fallout, exposition-ing how the purity test works. Pam, who has a thing for Duncan, explains how the scoring works and Duncan is oh so charming about it:

Pam: So if you get a 60, you’re 60% pure, 40% sack jockey. Anything under 60’s really slutty. Duncan: Unless you’re a guy.

I just… I don’t even know. Ugh, Duncan. I get that he was perhaps supposed to be being sarcastic when he said that, but it’s unclear, and I am not a fan.

Veronica gets involved when angelic, pure-as-the-driven-snow Meg Manning is implicated by the test. This is Meg’s first appearance on the show, and she later returns as a recurring character (a rather important one, at that). Also, it’s Alona Tal!

Meg’s reputation (which, apparently, is 99% based on her virginity, 1% based on her being good at everything, school-wise) is tanked thanks to someone posting a test in her name, having hacked her account in order to score her a– gasp!– scandalous 48 out of 100 on the purity test. Egads!!

Veronica cares about this because Meg is one of the only remaining 09ers who is kind to her. Meg lends Veronica a spare cheerleading uniform after a few of the interchangeable blonde 09ers dunk Veronica’s clothes in the toilet after gym. She commits to cracking the case because Veronica is a nice person, and she likes to help nice people who help her. You know, she’s a reasonable human (unlike all of the rest of Neptune).

Veronica’s interest in the case ramps up when someone posts a test for her as well– scoring her a whopping 14. This is extra painful for Veronica, thanks to the rumors that spread about her after she was drugged and raped at the 09er party the previous year.

Veronica (voice-over): Apparently I’ve pleasured the swim team while jacked up on goofballs.

I listened to the above line maybe four or five times before registering what she said. I had no idea that ‘goofball’ was a term for barbiturate (I know, I’m a regular Meg Manning), so fun fact in case you didn’t know either!

Introducing… Mac!

Another reason I love “Like a Virgin” is that it introduces us to Mac, who is one of my favorite recurring characters. Like iZombie, this show is a little bit of a sausage fest and Mac ends up serving the much-needed role of Veronica’s only long-lasting female friend.

Mac shows up here as the resident Neptune High tech wiz kid. Veronica initially approaches her for help in figuring out how someone might have been able to hack the Neptune High accounts (Veronica’s and Meg’s, specifically) to post the faux-tests.

They pal around for the majority of the episode, bonding over their lackluster beater cars, until Veronica puts two and two together and realizes that “Froggy” (who is supplying the passwords) is the French IT guy. She follows him to “Inspiration Rock Quarry” (HA) and finds out that he is banging Kimmy, Meg’s copycat Single White Female-y friend.

The reveal that Kimmy was the one to fake Meg’s purity test score wasn’t all that exciting. Neither was the reveal about who faked Veronica’s test. Apparently one of Duncan’s inexplicable harem of women is still super intimidated by Veronica simply existing near him– Pam is later revealed as the culprit of Veronica’s 14% pure result.

The best twist of the episode, by a landslide, is the reveal that fellow Neptune outsider Mac was the one to create the purity test and profit off of the insatiable need for teenagers to rag on one another.

By selling the results, she manages to fund her very own early-2000’s dream car, a bright green VW bug. I distinctly remember desperately wanting to own one of those after I saw Paige Matthews driving around in one circa the middle of Charmed, so I can’t really fault Mac for her kind of immoral actions in procuring said vehicle. That was a pretty sweet ride at the time… and also the Neptune High kids kinda suck.

Meanwhile…

In the realm of minor subplots, Keith acts as the ex-sheriff in shining armor for Wallace’s mother Alicia, scaring away her shady tenant. Alicia is iffy at first about Wallace hanging out with our lovable blonde heroine, having heard bad things about the Mars family during her short time in Neptune. Of course, she comes around once Keith works his magic and gets that weirdo renter out of her apartment.

The subplot is a bit inconsequential, but it is useful for two things. One, it sets up the eventual Keith-Alicia romantic relationship (which is all kinds of weird for Veronica and Wallace) and two, we get to see Keith do that really ridiculous crazy-guy routine to scare off the tenant.

He basically woofs and yells at him, shaking his mattress. Classic Keith. (No, but really, that was super weird.)

Lilly Kane Murder Files

Veronica, during the time not spent on the puritanical Neptune High scandal, plots to scheme her way into a face-to-face meeting with Lilly’s supposed killer, Abel Koontz. She manages to do this by coercing worst-lawyer-in-town Cliff McCormack to pass along her letter to Koontz, in which she poses as a student from Koontz’s small town. To Veronica’s surprise, Koontz agrees to see her.

When she actually arrives and encounters Koontz, at the very end of the episode, she manages to uphold the charade pretty well. It’s not until Veronica shows Koontz the photographic evidence of Lilly’s shoes at the scene of the crime and suggests that this could be enough to get him a retrial that Koontz blows up.

He gets full-on mega-creepy, revealing that he knows that she is Veronica Mars and not small-town gal Ellen. He reiterates that he killed Lilly and goes even further, revealing that he knew Veronica’s mother Lianne– back when Koontz was a Kane Software employee, he saw Lianne visiting Jake Kane during lunch hours.

And then, the bomb drops:

Koontz: You’re a very dedicated young lady. Certainly you didn’t inherit that quality from poor scattered Lianne. Unfortunately for you, that makes you your father’s daughter. Veronica: My dad tried to save your life. Koontz: I meant your real father. Think about it, Veronica. Look in a mirror. Are you the product of a schluppy sheriff or the king and queen of the prom?

OH. SNAP. Is Jake Kane Veronica’s father?! Well, I know the answer to that question, as do those of you who have watched the show before, but for the rest of you… I guess you’ll just have to keep watching and find out.

Stray Observations:

The chick who plays Kimmy is a god-awful actress. Just terrible.

This is one of a handful of first season episodes that Logan is absent from and his absence is totally felt (by me, if not by any of the characters).

Mac is at the center of one of my favorite cases of the week later this season. Stay tuned, it’s a doozy.

This episode also marks Koontz’s first actual appearance. Koontz’s entire story arc over the course of the series is one of the most tragic so like, prepare yourself for that emotionally.

What did you think of this episode of Veronica Mars? Is Veronica’s father Jake Kane or Keith? Do any of you out there actually like Duncan? (If so… please explain!)