Amber’s RHONJ blog is up and she has shifted her attitude from anger to victim. She’s turning into the RHONJ version of Tamra Barney. That’s quite the feat this early in her first (and probably last) season. Her blog was super long and repetitive. She and Jim both attempt to use words they really don’t understand in ways that are almost but just not quite correct. Anyway, here is some much needed laughs given the depressing nature of all the news I have been reporting on…

Amber still blames Nicole for the chain of events and implies that she really is a homewrecker:

Nicole says she wanted an apology. Hmm, well, I would have loved a chance to apologize, however she acted like a lunatic right off the bat. Nicole wanted a scene, not an apology. She made sure everyone was there, which kind of makes you think she planned it all along. We are all human, we all make mistakes, but we cannot go around attacking every person that speaks about our mistakes. I could have told her who was telling me the rumor and we could have dealt with it together. The fact that Nicole escalated the situation like that is just disgusting to me. She could have talked to me. I would have heard her side of it, and she would have gotten an apology out of me for not coming to her first. Maybe she reacted that way because she had no intention of just dispelling a rumor. Maybe there is more to it, and the reaction was a distraction from the truth…apparently, it is working.

Amber is angry that the girls ganged up on her henpecked husband:

Then the circus goes on further when Dina, Melissa, and Kathy all decide to lay into him about bowling night too! Did I miss the memo on how bowling night is considered sacred in these parts? My husband is trying to talk to Teresa and help her understand what it means to have a professional “conflict of interest” and that he is not being judgmental towards her or her family, yet Melissa, Dina, and Kathy think it is best to butt in. These women have never spoken to my husband; apparently, they thought ganging up on him was the best solution. Remember, we went to a party at Jim’s best friend’s house. Jim never met these people. Well, I got ganged up on, my hair pulled out, a drink in the face, and then strangers are giving my husband crap about bowling. And what was Bobby doing? He was playing games with our keys for an hour instead of getting us the hell out of there or telling anyone, “Hey, back off, these are my friends!”

Amber’s thoughts on Gina calling Jim out for his douchebaggery:

Also, if you ask an aggressive question three times in a posse and still do not understand the answer, don’t be surprised when the tone changes. It drives me nuts when a woman behaves in a nasty manner towards a man, then when they argue back they throw their hands up in the air and say, “I’m a woman, don’t speak to me that way!”. If you are going toe to toe with someone, then do just that. By the way, how do you know how big a whale’s vagina is? On second thought, do not answer that!

And finally, Amber wants you to know she enjoys Jim’s Penis:

And no, Joe, insecurity is when you hear a rumor and go ape sh– on someone for it. Or you need to get aggressive to prove you’re tough. What I was doing was defending myself after being given no explanation as to why everyone was ganging up on me. Joe, you should realize that disputes can be resolved with simple communication at the right time. Last point, the Joes need to stop talking about my husband’s height, since they are shorter than him. And, everyone needs to most definitely stop talking about my husband’s penis. After three strong boys and a beautiful little girl, trust me, faculties are marvelous.

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