BURLINGTON – With the purchase and closing of Panera Bread on Church Street in downtown Burlington, Outdoor Gear Exchange has announced that they have been purchased by F.W. Woolworth Co. who will re-open their Woolworth’s store sometime in March. With the exception of the Five Guys restaurant, O.G.E. had acquired all of the retail space once owned by the original Woolworth’s location.

“All is going according to my master plan,” said current Woolworth chairman Melissa Woolworth, a distant cousin of the original founders of the company. “I have lain in wait for years, purchasing back the company name from Foot Locker, and manipulating markets until the time was right. Of course I would have preferred to do this without those meddlesome Five Guys people refusing to give up my space, but their time will come. Oh yes, their time will come.”

Woolworth claims that the time is right for “a new retail giant to be born from the ashes of a dying industry,” and that a thirst for nostalgia will bring Vermonters flocking into the store where people will be able to browse the merchandise, scan the barcodes with their phones, and have the item shipped directly to their homes via amazon.com.

“I’m doing it all through affiliate links,” Woolworth said. “Every purchase a customer makes on Amazon will net me a percentage. It’s genius! And it costs me nothing!”

O.G.E. plans to re-open in the old Macy’s spot once the new Burlington City Center is up and running.

Image Credits: Chet Smolski.