The key to stopping Donald Trump is obvious, childish and superficial. It requires one person, one great hero, to be so extraordinarily brave that the entire world will think that he or she is a raving lunatic. The required action is increasingly necessary yet clearly not allowed in the adult world. Someone needs to screw up his hair.

Trump’s persona is fascinating and frightening, the driving force of a terrifying campaign that relies on xenophobia, islamophobia, and other big words that boil down to hatred. For people (like myself) who very much dislike Trump, his campaign, and the idea of his presidency, it is extremely frustrating to be unable to stop a guy who’s using middle-school type insults and hyperbolic affirmations of his own masculinity to propel himself to the Republican presidential nomination.

It could be said for any candidate that a hit to their image is a hit to their candidacy but I think this is especially so for a candidate like Trump who uses schoolyard bullying tactics to win votes. Typically with a male schoolyard bully, if you can humiliate and emasculate the bully then the bully is no longer respected or feared by his peers. Trump’s hair is crucial to his image, and is therefore crucial to his campaign. Lasting damage to his hair would be a significant blow to his campaign but there is a lower blow that others have tried to land.

As Ezekiel Kweku noted in his discussion of the potential (inevitable?) Trump vs. Cruz showdown, Donald Trump is “incredibly insecure about his masculinity”. The size of his hands-and the relationship of his hand size to his dick size-has been discussed plenty by the media, comedians, Marco Rubio, and Trump himself.

I’ll abstain from a nonsensical discussion of whether penis size has anything to do with actual human self-worth for obvious reasons.

There is a fundamental problem with attacking Trump by insinuating that he has a little dick- it can’t be proven. It is unlikely that any human being (should) or would be willing to publicly disrobe Trump because

It wouldn’t be very easy to remove his suit pants and underwear due both to the fastening of the pants and the number of Trump security and supporters who would be an immediate danger to this wardrobe malfunctionist. This public disrobement would be highly illegal and in virtually any other context be unquestionably immoral Would you want to come that close to touching it?

Donald Trump’s hair has been documented for over thirty years and its peculiarity has drawn laughs (mostly) and admiration (I guess). Mussing up his hair would not be enough to tear down his image and his sense of masculinity. His hair needs to be changed in a way that is unfixable for a sustained period of time in order for the press to have adequate time to capture his altered appearance.

There is plenty of easily justifiable hatred and criticism of Trump but I think it’s important for both political and ethical reasons to leave Trump physically unharmed. As bad as Trump may be I would hope that we would not have to resort to crippling Trump in order to stop him. It is also important to ensure that Trump is not legitimized as a victim; there are very different levels of sympathy for a person who has lost their hair and a person who has lost their ear.

There are a few options.

Cut it off: We will assume that Trump does not wear a wig or toupee. This would be a pretty dangerous action whether the barber is using a razor, scissors, or a knife so this person would have to be extremely coordinated. Spray-paint/Hairspray: This method would likely be somewhat temporary as Trump would be able to restore his hair to its original color through additional spray or dye, if he doesn’t do that already considering his age of 69 years old. A sprayed Trump would allow the press ample time to capture a blue or green-haired Trump. Bucket of ______: Paint, glue or anything else that would cause irreversible (or at least temporarily unfixable) damage to Trump’s hair would do the trick. The assailant (hero?) would not need to be within arm’s reach and would have little risk of permanently damaging Trump, making this the ideal choice in my mind.

I don’t know who will stop Trump, if it happens at all (it certainly won’t be me). In all honesty I don’t know what the right answer to Trump is, if there is one. In a year when all the politicians, media, protestors, and everybody else have been unable to stop Trump the only thing left to do (other than poke fun at his hand/dick size) is to try to fuck up his hair.