Theresa May loses Jobseeker’s Allowance for failing to turn up for interview

Theresa May has today had her Jobseeker’s Allowance stopped for failing to turn up for an interview.

Mrs May, who is applying for the post of Prime Minister, was repeatedly warned that failing to turn up for an interview would harm her chances of receiving benefits.

Department for Work and Pensions spokesperson Simon Williams said, “It’s very simple – to show us that jobseekers are serious about a job we expect them to attend interviews and answer questions so that we can gauge their suitability for the post.

“Otherwise we assume that they’re not up to the job, or just work-shy bastards, and dock their money.

“We might have to give the job to someone else now, though fuck knows who. This is the worst shower of applicants I’ve ever seen.”

Mrs May defended her decision not to turn up, saying that she was dead busy and they never sent her a letter or nothing and anyway she sent her mate Amber along who’s dead good at interviews and aced it for her.