Subject: Hey you

Yang Xiao Long (Fireballin17)

to me | 7:24 PM (2 minutes ago)

So, I'm chilling in the parking lot of some apartment and bumming off an open wifi network I found (remember people, password protect your shit!). It's been a couple of days since I last messaged you, and I've been driving pretty non stop. I'm tired, but I'm not far. Like, really not far. I just wanted to stop and check my email before...well, before.

I think I've read the email you sent me half a dozen times at least. And then I went back and read all of our emails. Everything since I first messaged you, what, eight months ago now? Longer? It feels like longer. I was so scared, and alone, and I'm kicking myself because I didn't have to be. I've never been at a loss for support systems, I just kept ignoring the ones I had. Or I pushed them away.

Don't worry, I'm not here to rehash the past, or to apologize yet again (even though I still feel like I should). No, I'm reading everything again because of what you said. About how happiness isn't a place we achieve, but moments we find. And I've been trying to think of the last year and a half or so in that respect. Thinking about the moments I was happy. They were there, sure, but overwhelmingly I was miserable. If I had to assign a "state of mind" to my time away from you, and from Dad and Ruby, it would be misery. I was miserable with moments of happiness.

Then I think about coming home. I know things aren't going to be perfect. Things never are, and I think I understand that better now than I ever have. But I don't care about that. I don't care about perfect. I will be happy with you, even if not every moment is happy. Maybe it's just a matter of semantics. Maybe saying we'll be happy with moments of misery is the same as being miserable with moments of happiness, but I don't think it is somehow.

I don't know, maybe I'm just being arbitrarily contradictory. It certainly wouldn't be the first time.

It's raining out. I know how much you like the rain. It was raining on our first date, do you remember? Actually, I don't know if you consider it our first date, but I definitely do. It was the last weekend before Junior year, about a month after Summer's funeral. I wasn't doing well, shocker. I would drive Ruby to track and field practice and then go pick her up at the end of the day and that was pretty much it. I don't think anybody had really seen me out of the house in weeks. I was in my room on a Friday night when Ruby came in and told me you were at the door. You told me you were worried about me, and even though I tried to tell you I was fine, you pretty much dragged me outside and insisted that I take a walk with you.

We ended up at that old playground a few blocks over. I don't really remember what we were talking about, but it wasn't anything important, and I think we'd walked most of the way there in silence. When we got there, we started hearing thunder. I remember saying that we should go back, it was going to start storming soon, and you just took my hand and held me back. You told me that you were tired of me hiding away. That it wasn't what Summer would have wanted. You said it was okay if I didn't want to talk, but that you weren't just going to let me disappear.

That's when the rain started and it was...it was too much. I started bawling like a baby and you just held me and told me everything was going to be okay. I think you started crying too. We stayed like that with rain pouring down and for the first time since Summer had died, I felt, you know, peaceful. Like the world wasn't ending. It was such a massive release.

I remember we ended up sitting in the top of the playtower, listening to the rain and telling stories. We even swung on the swings some when the rain was less intense, and when it finally stopped, you decided we should walk up to that shopping center, the one off of Patch Street. It had a bunch of mom-and-pop shops and Summer used to love taking me and Ruby shopping there, meeting everybody, getting to know the community. I wasn't sure at first, but then we started visiting with people, and they all had stories to tell about Summer, and all of them were so sweet and so supportive. And of course you were there through all of it, tolerating my ugly crying, holding me when I needed it. You took such good care of me. I don't know what I did to deserve someone like you.

That was the day I realized I was in love with you. I should have told you then. Or maybe not, I dunno. Maybe I'm starting to believe everything happens the way it does for a reason. All I know, is it's raining now. Pouring actually, at least as hard as it was that day. I think I'm going to go outside and cry a little, and maybe laugh some, and remember the times I was happy and the times I've been miserable. I'm going to think about my future. Our future. I have a lot of things to think about really. A lot of things I have to make right.

Maybe it's semantics, but I feel happy now. Even if I won't be happy every minute. I'm good with that.

You should come downstairs and join me.

We're falling apart, still we hold together

We've passed the end, so we chase forever

'Cause this is all we know

This feeling's all we know

Sent From: Portland Oregon

A/N: Well, it's been a long road here, but ultimately I (Fawkes) have deeply enjoyed this journey. I'm grateful to everybody who has stuck with it, and to everybody who has been supportive through (mostly my) long absences. I hope that you enjoyed this chapter! We've reached the end of Blake and Yang's adventure, but this isn't the last you'll hear from them. Me and Elfen are planning on an epilogue to round things out for these two, which we still have to figure out the logistics for, so stay tuned for that.

I encourage everybody who enjoyed this story to read more of Elfen's stuff, especially Choice which is the story that inspired me to start writing fanfiction. She really is one of the most talented writers I've ever had the pleasure to read and definitely the most talented one I've gotten to work with. If you like my stuff, I have another story that has also been on hiatus for a while called Aftermath, which I am currently in the process of writing the next chapter for.

That's all I've got for now. Thanks again to each and every one of you. Cheers.