From 1963- 1973 There are 4,022 days and nights , Except for four 2 week holidays over that time I was molested every day of my life By a sibling and many of his friends .The molestation finished 38 years ago,at least the part involving my physical body. My mother knew and turned a blind eye, I have had no contatct With my family in 23 years. Why am I telling you this? What Has this got to do with Disability?. well 2 weeks ago in a neurological exam in Hospital it was discovered that one of 4 convulsive disorders Is what they refer to as Physco Genic Non epileptic seizures. The doctor said I have Epilepsy, I have Propio Spinal Myocloneus, I may also have mild tourettes but I have Phsyco Genic non Epileptic seizures as well .

The Epilepsy , the Myocloneus and the Tourettes are medical and organic based, But folks when it was explained to me the basis of my Physco Genic seiures I t was as If my molestor was back in the room. These seizures it seems, are a delayed response to the trauma not dealt with from childhood abuse and or molestation, in a large percentage of cases . Most of us know some Adult who says a relative touched them, some know someone like me who was molested, few have been molested as I have over 3,900 times. Next time A friend tells you it happenned, sometimes decades ago don’t be so quick to dismiss the information as have been dealt with . In my case at the time of the start of Molestation I was also being diagnosed as a toddler with severe Epilepsy, one or more of the events was so terrorising, too much for a 4 yr old to cognitize so the 4 yr old mind put it in a box. About 4 years ago my seizures sudddenly took a serious turn for the worse, it coincided with the death of my beloved spouses mum from non hodgkins lymphoma .

This is not mental illness, this is not fake seizures This is the Mind saying when the fear, , the terror or the stress is too much, too terrifying I’ll give you a seizure if your convulsing noone will hurt you . This took a lot for me to write, this is throwing myself bare, there is nothing here to brag about, this is for the estimated millions of others in the world going through this every day. I’m already in a Wheelchair, I have Epilepsy, I have 2 other debilitating Neurological disorders and now the terror that stole a childhood, that took innocence has swum the pacific knocked on my lifes door and delivered a final gift . I’m told as long as it takes to work through episode by episode of over 3,900 individual molestations these trauma based seizures will remain. MY molestor is living his middle to old age comfortably with a wife and kids, I know love she holds me when I wake screaming, so yes folks Child Abuse is one of the most horrendous disabilities that can ever be forced upon a child, there is no medicine, And if there is a tunnel with a light at the end your terrified to even enter because the monster is always in the dark. If you Know a child, a adult who’s never dealt with the trauma, don’t talk, don’t force just be there when the nightmares end and be the one constant that shows to them there is touch with out injury, and intimacy without pain. I have my Ella I hope you all have your own, she can’t stop the memories but she holds me back into the present.

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