So you love nothing more than being bent over and spanked senseless on a Sunday afternoon, hm?

That’s awesome, you’ve identified your kink, you’re sticking with it, and you’re all ready to be a submissive, right?

But wait… There’s more to being a good submissive than letting someone do whatever they want with you. Submissives are strong in their willingness to give themselves up and hand their safety and well being wholly over to another for a certain amount of time. They possess as much power as their Dominant — and with this power comes responsibility.

A great submissive learns to exercise their power in a way that befits the role. That is, they learn the true strength in being a submissive.

This comes first in the choosing; a great submissive won’t play with those who seek to belittle or undermine; they will only play with Dominants that have shown themselves to be worthwhile partners. They will always safeguard their own health and well-being and won’t be chided into unsafe situations. They will choose play partners that compliment and challenge their own roles, allowing them to grow beautifully in their own BDSM experience.

It’s easy to think that it’s only the Dominant that is responsible for the well being of those involved in a scene. It’s not; everyone involved has an equal role. A Dominant should be someone that you respect and aspire to, and someone that can be in control of a situation no matter how intense it gets, but as the submissive, you also play an important role in ensuring everyone’s safety and enjoyment.

You should make sure that your Dominant is aware of your physical and mental state at any time. If you have certain triggers, or physical vulnerabilities, or if you have boundaries that should not be pushed under any circumstances, you should make this clear.

A good submissive takes care of their own mental stability. You should not become a submissive because you are waiting for someone to save you — nor because you want to allow a Dominant to save themselves through using you.

Real life is not like Fifty Shades of Grey. BDSM is a mutually beneficial experience that should be comforting, fun, thrilling and — orgasmic, in most cases. If it’s something you’re entering into with reservations, then you shouldn’t be there at all.

There are endless resources for submissives to teach themselves about the role. If you’re a total beginner, there are several books out there that would be a good place to start. But if you’ve been in our lifestyle a long time, then why not take a workshop? You’ll learn things that will help you to express yourself and grow as a submissive and as a generally better person.

Now, with all that said… bend over.