Let’s goooo we pick up in Thailand with the fight that literally no one in America cares about. Let’s dive into these 10 points LFG people best time of the week.

1.) Chris Harrison to the rescue on the beach, thank you for your service Chris always there in a suit when it matters. Rose ceremony time, Caelynn and Heather G just dominated the dresses for this my god girls A+ work.

2.) Kirpa, Katie, and Sydney benefit from the fight and all survive. Onyeka and Nicole go home thank fucking god, what idiots they both probably would’ve been safe if they weren’t so stupid. If you’re going to fight at least look hot their dresses sucked cmon ladies let’s use the brain. I promise I won’t be this dumb on the bachelorette next season guys.

3.) Hannah G gets the one on one, and from the commercials looks fucking electric. Pink dress looking like a real life Barbie, this season of the bachelor has some HEAVYWEIGHTS! Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. That black suit god dammit Hannah Cassie is supposed to win. I don’t even blame the girls Colton literally only makes out with people it’s unreal at this point. I’m literally out of words that purple dress Jesus Hannah she is just dragging these other girls. Aww little deep talk from Colton for 5 minutes very proud of him, maybe he’s growing up. How can you give that speech and not bang her Colton.

4.) Ugh guys. We have irrelevant girls talking about not getting one on ones. Kirpa gets the second one on one over Katie?! This is mistake, literally will be Kirpa’s first camera time in six weeks people.

5.) Group date time, what an awful fake fight he just got in with those karate people. Hannah B or Hannah Beast which ever you prefer is crazy, weekly reminder. This is the most god awful fighting I’ve ever seen, I need to watch the challenge tomorrow to cleanse my soul. Demi got her ass kicked that was unexpected, she can’t turn into someone with feelings. She knows the walls are closing in and her act is almost up.

6.) Group date outfit time let’s see what we’re working with. Hannah B wtf is that two piece pink thing not a fan 4/10. Tayshia looks good in green, I may be colorblind that doesn’t look green now 7/10. Katie is deep in her bag she knows the end is near, kills that blue dress/ romper with her eyes 9/10 (Maybe the most underrated person in the show she’s gorgeous). Sydney picks all black to her funeral and falls short 1/10, yikes need to re-evaluate, Colton just makes out doesn’t talk feelings fuck off Sydney. Cassie knows she safe and the outfit shows rare off week for my queen 6/10. Wish we could’ve showed her Hannah G footage so she could’ve gone nuts with a dress. The red dress is just not what you wanted it to be Demi and now you say you want to be soft, this is the end!! 2/10 Demi be better, phone call was very sad fuck.

7.) Sydney sucks, love girls self eliminating themselves who know they don’t have a shot. This is partly Colton’s fault too, he has like three favorites and could care less about everyone else which I respect. Chris Harrison is like a general in war with an earpiece. Just imagine him being like “Ready the fucking Escalades we got a quitter!!!” What an electric job that would be, man probably has so many skeletons in his closet. Tayshia dominates these group dates, another rose for her she may be too mature for this show.8.) Kirpa one on one not sure what we’re thinking on this one Colton but let’s ride. We’re five minutes in and Colton hasn’t stuck his tongue down her throat someone call the ambulance. My god Colton should be kicked off for the “I want to dive deeper with her” line as they scuba dive. Colton just dominating her in this outfit game in the one on one. Our man switched up to the red pants with the brown boots, looking like a fucking hoss. Does Kirpa like Colton? I’m not sure she does, she’s faking this right now you can tell. She gets a rose none the less ladies and gentleman. They made out everyone he made it two whole commercials that’s incredible.

9.) Demi walking in the rain and lightning is like watching a fucking whore film this is terrifying. This is so staged I want to puke, oh here’s a bottle of wine and I’m still dressed from my date. COLTON DUMPS HER FROM THE CLOUDS OH WHAT A MOMENT AND BACKFIRE DEMI GOES FOR THE FINISHER AND MISSES. We will see you in bachelor and paradise Demi, can’t wait sweetheart maybe we’ll meet there together.

10.) Caelynn, baby girl with that black dress you are going fucking nowhere. No cocktail party is what we expect, he literally knows the four girls he wants. Cassie I didn’t mean what I said earlier that dress and the braids I’d get down on one knee right now and I don’t even know you. He should be in prison if Hannah B is in his top 3 don’t be stupid. Cassie, Hannah G, Kirpa, Tayshia, Hannah B, Caelynn, and Heather are safe. That means Katie goes home which is predictable, next week is going to be cut throat. “Be careful” they all say and Colton is angry. NEXT WEEK IS GOING TO BE FUCKING AWESOME DONT SHOW CASSIE IN A CAR YOU FUCKS.