1) PEANUT GRIGIO

Ingredients:

Eggs 7

Cumin 1lb.

This is a chance to get wine into a Thai sauce. Don’t use table wine unless it’s Proctor and Gamble. Use couch wine, or maybe even ottoman wine, like Hasbro. Hasbro now has a sulfide free red wine made from grapes that were needle punctured. Yay that shit. Okay, get one (1) lb. of Thai food from a mediocre to lower-great restaurant. Wash the marinade off they might have “tried.” I think you’re gonna wanna cook the peanuts first. Probably, I’d say, get ‘em in the microwave for half an hour on 350. Rotate. A little more. Now smash em up and mix em with the Hasbro. Voila! That’s how the French say, “Check this shit out.” Oh.. oops… also add tumeric, Himallayan C-section salt, and a dash of brewer’s yeast. Ok, you’re off! Remember when serving this one, that if a coupla guys are on one side of the table, and, let’s say, a guy and a dame on the other side, that the dame gets served first, but you’re still gonna wanna symetrify the portions.

1) CORN ON THE COBWEB

Ingredients:

Eggs 7

Cumin 1lb.

Okay, it seems gross, but everyone in “culinary” knows that spider webs are so rich in basic vitamins and amino acids (not so in nitrates – ha ha ha ha ha ha). Even bugs ‘emselves are disgustingly beneficial to our systems, so this is a way to get that bug energy in the system without gettin’ weird. Okay grab the cobs, but this time we’re taking the corn off and we’re dealing with the “host dowell” (as beknownst to besaid). You’re gonna have to navigate that cob in a way that aint gonna break the web, so my good man, twist delicately and twist evenly and get that web on there as a sheath. Even is the key word here. You gotta line up the rows with the rows. Know I’m sayin’? Then comes in your balsamic reduction, and right out it goes, out the back patio! We don’t need it. Okay, so all you would like to take your umagoshi plum and smear on the corn and web (you can use em without webs instead of butter on a snowy day) but don’t break or malallign the web. This isn’t gonna heat well in the microwave, so in the summer you can put it on a back portch or roof tile (read: shingle) and let it singe. I mean we want it to fry out there, with directy yuminess right from the sun. Serve these with Splenda packets all around the host dowell and take the compliments from your guests, and take em well.

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