Government calls on Christian churches to explain how Bible can be compatible with British values

Communities Secretary Eric Pickles has written to Christian organisations asking them to explain to their congregations how the genocidal, ethnocentric god of the Old Testament can be squared with secular British society.

The letter comes after he sent a letter to mosques emphasising the need for Imams to show how Islam is compatible with British values.

“We have serious concerns about the more extreme aspects of Christianity”, Mr Pickles said.

“The Bible actually states that God commanded the Hebrews to commit genocide against the Canaanites – can you believe that?”

“And this one poor chap, Abraham, is told to kill his own son! These atrocities are totally out of step with modern British values.”

Letter to churches

Christian leaders were highly critical of the letter, claiming it unfairly targeted their religion.

Archbishop Justin Welby, head of one Christian group, was appalled.

He told us, “It’s very easy to target Christians right now, what with all the bad press surrounding Christian atrocities.”

“The vast majority of British Christians do not support the extremist claims of the Roman Catholic Church.”

“The Pope is certainly not the universal leader of Christians, no matter how much territory in Europe he controls.”

UKIP leader and mouthpiece of freedom, Nigel Farage, was quick to support the letter.

“Everyone knows Christianity is not British. It is a foreign import brought here by European immigrants.”

“The first Archbishop of Canterbury wasn’t even British, he was a bloody Italian!”

Mr Farage also said that Christianity had previously been used to justify undemocratic governments and unpopular wars in the Middle East.