Workfare to end ‘something-for-nothing culture’ by giving multi-million pound companies something for nothing

Iain Duncan Smith has defended the controversial Workfare scheme by claiming that the best way to end a “something-for-nothing culture” is to provide multi-million pound companies with something for nothing.

The Work and Pensions Secretary rejected criticism that the only opportunity the government’s back-to-work scheme provides is an opportunity for employers not to pay any wages.

“Providing corporations with a workforce they don’t have to pay will give the unemployed an opportunity to experience having a job without actually having a job,” he explained.

“This will allow them to make a seamless transition from being made to feel worthless and not working to being made to feel worthless and working.”

“They will also have the security of knowing they’ll be no worse off when the company dispenses with their services at the end of the scheme.”

Workfare scheme

Mr Duncan Smith also hit back at criticism of comments that he made in which he claimed that supermarket work is as important as geology.

“When geologists can’t find the food they want on the shelves, who is more important – them, the geologist, or the person who stacked the shelves?”

“Geologists may be crucial in the search for hydrocarbons, but they’re not so clever when it comes to searching for a tin of spaghetti hoops.”

31 year-old shelf stacker Kelvin Harries agreed with Mr Duncan Smith and was keen to highlight his knowledge of the earth’s physical structure and substance.

“Tectonic plates?

“No sorry, mate, we only sell paper ones. They’re in aisle four, next to the party food.”