Every restaurant is allowed to determine their own policy regarding how they want to run their business. Once that policy is determined, it is up to customers to decide if they want to eat there or not. Old Fisherman’s Grotto in Monterey, California decided that their policy was one that did not include children eating there. On their Yelp page, it even states:

No high chairs.

No Booster chairs

Strollers not permitted in the restaurant.

Children crying or making loud noises are a distraction to other diners and as such are not allowed in the dining room.

Pretty clear, right? Well, not for a woman named Christine V. who recently gave them a 1-star review and also wanted the policy explained to her so she can comprehend it. I am here for you Christine. The folks at Old Fisherman’s Grotto are probably sick and tired of explaining the policy to thick-headed customers like you, so I will do it for them:

They don’t want your kids there, okay? You can threaten to never “darken their door” and you can encourage all of your stroller mom friends to avoid it like the plague but that’s not really a threat. If you and your friends have kids who need high chairs, they don’t want you there anyway. So by not going, you are doing exactly what they want. That’s like a vegetarian threatening to never go to steak house. The steak house don’t care and neither does Old Fisherman’s Grotto. The policy also states ”Old Fisherman’s Grotto is a relatively small restaurant and we found that having strollers and/or high chairs at the tables and in the aisles made it difficult to have full access to get to and around tables. For the safety of our staff and guests we adopted a stroller policy 5 years ago. We adopted our children’s policy in 2011 to provide an overall enhanced dining experience for guests who frequently dine at the restaurant, by giving them an alternative place to eat on Fisherman’s Wharf that has a quiet atmosphere.” That’s it, Christine. They want their restaurant to be a place where adults can be assured they will not have to endure the screaming wrath of a pissed off toddler whose mom dragged them in there even though there might be nothing on the menu that a two-year old wants to eat. Basically, they don’t want you there, Christine. There are literally dozens and dozens of other restaurants in Monterey, California that you and your child can darken the door to, just not Old Fisherman’s Grotto.

How can I make this more clear?

You and your crotch fruit are not welcome.

Take your crumbsnatcher someplace else.

Your cum sprout isn’t wanted.

Hoe biscuits are not allowed.

Your womb turd will be turned away.

One person’s bundle of joy is another person’s walking ejaculation.

Take your spawn elsewhere.

if it still isn’t clear, you might want to read chapter three of my book. CLICK HERE. That chapter is called “I Hate Your Kids.” I also offer this video for you, Christine:

Read Christine V.‘s review of Old Fisherman’s Grotto on Yelp