Malaysians are generally an incorrigible lot. It seems to be culturally-ingrained into every Malaysian, regardless of race or religion, to not only never admit to one’s mistakes, but also to not make any effort to change for the better. In this post, I shall use the mangkuk drivers of our Malaysian roads to illustrate my point. Other examples of incorrigible mangkuk behaviours will be covered in other posts to follow.

I have been driving on Malaysian roads for the last 6-or-so years. During this period, my personal experiences have gone a long way in reinforcing my belief that Malaysian drivers are really mangkuks on so many different levels. Ah, Malaysian drivers! What can I say about them that hasn’t already been said? They drive their kancils as though they were driving Ferraris, and the filthy rich drive their Ferraris as though they were driving F-22 Raptors. The headlights they use to flash you from behind can be seen by a blind molerat in East Africa. The turbo engines they use can generate enough propulsion to move a Boeing 777. Last but not least, the horns they’ve installed in their cars are probably listed as a restricted sonic weapon in the Geneva Convention on Certain Conventional Weapons (which probably explains why most Malaysian drivers are deaf to the honking from their fellow drivers, AND to good reason). All this I have personally experienced on more than a few occasions, and I’m pretty sure any of you who have driven on our byways and highways will readily attest to the truth in my words. Oh, and should I also mention the mat-rempits? While driving back from my Christmas holidays last sunday, this was what I saw:

The above picture wasn’t taken by me, but it’s the same thing that zipped past me on the highway as I was quietly cruising up to KL, and I was driving at around 110km/h at that time. Who knows just how fast these “Super Mangkuk Men” were “flying”/riding…?

My personal pet peeves are those drivers who think, by virtue of driving a bigger and better car, deserve more privileges on the road than their fellow drivers turtling along in their modest sedans and hatchbacks. And please don’t get me started on the VVIPs in their Perdanas or Benzes, or their big entourage of police outriders squeezing us commoners aside during rush hour. Every time I see a VVIP entourage approaching, it takes a whole lot of willpower to restrain my middle finger from making a public statement.

Oh where was I? Not too long ago, I had a small debate with a colleague of mine who was complaining about slow coaches crawling at 110km/h in the express lanes of our highways or those who try to overtake others at only around 120km/h. If it’s of any interest or relevance, he powers along in a respectably powerful continental car, while yours truly totters along in an unobstrusive little dugong.

For those of you not in the know, our highway speed limit is 110km/h. Yup, you read that right, and here’s how the rest of the conversation went:

Mangkuk: So how fast were you actually driving at that time…?

Colleague: Doesn’t matter lar. It’s damn irritating that I have to slow down, wait for a good 30 seconds before they actually decide to shove aside and I can be on my way again. You know how annoying it is for me to brake and accelerate again and how much fuel I waste doing that? And do you know the Autobahn in Germany has no speed limit and most vehicles go around 130km/h? If you can’t drive that fast, then fuck off because you’re obstructing traffic!

Mangkuk: What, you want the driver in front of you to risk his life and break the law by going faster just so you can risk your life and break the law by going crazy fast…? And this is Malaysia, and our highways are not the Autobahn of Germany. They’re not built for high-speed use.

Colleague: But why can’t the mangkuk just shove aside and let me be on my way?! Not like I never gave him a signal by flashing him from way back!

Mangkuk: So now you’re putting the guy’s life in danger by blinding him with your powerful headlights?

Colleague: Dey, I still don’t see what’s so difficult for the guy to just move aside so that I can rush to my designation!

Mangkuk: Why are you in such a hurry anyway? Everyone has the same right to the same highway, and why can’t you wait your turn?

Colleague: Now let me ask you, what if it was an emergency?

Mangkuk: Are you sure yours was an emergency, or just a case of poor time management? You mean to tell me all the speed demons on our highways are trying to rush their pregnant wives to hospitals?

Colleague: (ponders for a minute) But dey…

Macha: Okay guys, lunchtime’s over. Back to work!

While the debate didn’t exactly draw to a satisfactory conclusion, it nevertheless gave me a lot of insight as to what goes on in the minds of the mangkuk drivers who terrorise our roads. In a nutshell, selfishness, a general lack of civic-mindedness and a healthy disdain for public order are the key culprits as to why Malaysian drivers have earned themselves such a bad reputation (rivalled only by our Singaporean counterparts when they are driving in Malaysia).

Mak datuk mangkuks…