The following “article” is intended as satire or parody, and is not to be taken seriously. Alcohol wasn’t involved in its creation, but probably should have been. Enjoy!

A Canadian Parody League news exclusive, sources on Twitter claim Ottawa soccer is a done deal, for real this time, because their source said so.

Although no schedule has been released, season ticket packages are already available for 2020, with supporter sections builds due to be complete by 2021, 2022 max.

With the addition of alleged captain, Fraser Aird, the current roster size of the unnamed Capital club now tops that of Winnipeg’s Valour FC by a sole player, giving them great Spring Season Champion potential without having touched the pitch.

Former Fury General Manager Julian de Guzman couldn’t be reached for comment due to holiday plans stemming from the sales of all of his previously vacant stadium-view condos.

However, the participation in this development by the Canadian Premier League continues to ruffle the feathers of the more self-proclaimed fans of the Fury who are disgruntled by the league’s involvement in ‘forcing’ their original team to move to Miami, despite having never attended a match themselves.

“I never would have attended a match anyways,” one angrily yelled from behind their keyboard, “but if CPL comes to Ottawa, I definitely won’t attend and I’ll tell my mother to avoid it as well.”

The tweet garnered one rescinded like among their 13 spam/porn followers and was later retweeted by the author account.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the CPL, the league is currently in conversation with 10-12 teams with an expansion announcement expected in the next 30-365 days.

“There are some groups that are getting really close right now,” noted a source. “I can’t say much, but they’re all in Canada, I can say that much and we’re very excited.”

The above “article” was intended as satire or parody, and is not to be taken seriously. Alcohol wasn’t involved in its creation, but probably should have been. Enjoy!

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NSXI Network Parody Team This is a collaborative article, pieced together by various contributors, but not directly attributable to any one (or two, or three) person. It is written entirely as parody & not to be taken seriously. Enjoy a laugh, chuckle, or a groan, whichever way the article moves you.

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