I’m no conspiracy theorist, but I’m nearly 100 percent positive that boars are orchestrating a takeover of the gaming industry. Case(s) in point: First there was Flying Wild Hog with its cleverly non-boar-related subject matter, but now Whole Hog Games is hogging the spotlight with blatantly pro-boar propaganda. Full Bore is an exploration-based puzzler about boarkind rising up from both its “darkest hour” and, er, underground. Overcome this abyssal labyrinth, unreasonably aggressive pig monsters! Employ your superior strength and wits so that one day you may (quite literally) eviscerate the bourgeoisie and claim what is rightfully yours. The surface, the sky, the light.



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Here, meanwhile, is the gist of the game Whole Hog’s bacon up:

“Full Bore is the journey of a young boar through the long-buried past. As you figure out how the blocks around you behave, you’ll be able to reach new areas of the world and uncover their mysteries- and their riches. Use your ever-growing knowledge to dig your way though mines, temples, scrapyards, lava tubes, inexplicable lakes and mysterious laboratories, as you piece together the story of a world transfigured.” “With over a hundred areas- a third of them hidden- no set path, and secrets everywhere, Full Bore is not just a world to get lost in, but one you can keep coming back to find something new.”

The game’s still deep in the lost underground boar ruins of development, but the first half is apparently entirely complete. Full Bore: The First Dig, then, will contain roughly eight hours of gameplay and release next week. If you’ve already pre-purchased the full game or plan to do so in any way, it’s yours for free.

And then, slowly but surely, all games will become haphazardly disguised boar playgrounds. From our scrap metal hovels, we will lament and ponder if perhaps, in our hubris, we brought this on ourselves. But ultimately, entertainment will prove the new opiate of the masses, and honestly the boar version of Half-Life 3 is really good anyway you guys no seriously oink oink moo