What happens on the train stays on the train. Unless, of course, you decide to tweet about it.

Japanese Twitter users love to post about the crazy things they see going on during their time on the train, ranging from the slightly out of the ordinary to the downright bizarre. And now, for your reading pleasure, we have the top 10 funniest Japanese train tweets so you can see how the Japanese commute compares to your own.

#10. A painful grocery list

▼ “On the train right now, this girl next to me holding onto a hanging strap has this list written on her hand: ‘Milk, natto, eggs, punch Takayuki.’ All you Takayukis out there had better be careful!”

今電車で、横でつり革を握ってる女子高生の手の甲に、ペンで「・牛乳 ・なっとう ・たまご ・タカユキ、なぐる」と書いてあるので、全国のタカユキ君は気をつけて欲しい。 — 大谷 dandori 洋介 (@dandori) July 4, 2011

Oh, didn’t you hear? The grocery store is having sale on punching Takayuki this week: it’s punch one, get one kick free!

#9. The li’lest superhero

▼ “There’s an elementary school student on this train with superhuman powers lol.”

And I have a hard enough time just standing up on the train without falling over while it’s moving….

#8. I am not worthy

▼ “Yesterday when I was on the train, a woman apologized for stepping on this guy’s foot, but he just said, ‘Don’t worry about it. You can step on my foot some more if you like.’ The woman had no idea what to do. I think that’s taking chivalry too far.”

Maybe he thought his foot was plated in knight’s armor?

#7. Greatest disguise ever?

▼ “Saw this guy on the New York subway yesterday. I chuckled.”

Hey, this guy looks familiar! As we talked about before, this man’s shirt reads “I am not Sato,” with Sato being a very common Japanese last name. If the guy’s name is Sato though, well then well played, sir. The joke’s on us.

#6. Life saver

▼ “On the train somebody gave up their seat to an old man and he told them, ‘Oh you’re too nice. I’m on the verge of death, you know.’ I couldn’t help but laugh.”

So what’s the protocol if they die while in the seat you gave them? Do you get it back? Is that how it works?

#5. The Hunger Trains

▼ “Are they hunting down fans of mobile games?”

The digital sign in the photo reads “All trains hunting Gree,” with Gree referring to the big mobile gaming company in Japan. Someone probably messed up the “all cars green” (green meaning the fancy car) text, but personally I think hunting down social gamers sounds like more fun…

#4. Heartburn

▼ “On a subway train in Osaka an old woman said to an old man in the priority seating section, ‘You shouldn’t be using your phone in these seats. What if there was someone who had a pacemaker nearby?’ The old man replied, ‘I have a pacemaker and I’m fine, so it’s fine.” I thought he was pretty cool.”

The old man may be snappy and sassy, but considering the Kansai area has already scrapped the “power off rule” in the priority seating area, he’s not as much of a rebel as he may seem.

#3. Saving it for later

▼ “Okay, who put the tuna mayonnaise onigiri into the hanging strap?! lol”

So, I guess you’re saying you don’t want it then? Can I have it?

#2. That explains a lot, actually

▼ “I just heard this conversation on the train:

Little girl: So if someone quits AKB48, does it turn into AKB47?

Mom: Nope.

Little girl: Why?

Mom: It’s the same as teeth.

Little girl: You mean a new one just grows back in its place?

Mom: Exactly.

さっき電車の中で聞いた会話



少女「AKB48って、だれかがやめたらAKB47になっちゃうの？」



母親「ならないのよ」



少女「どうして？」



母親「歯と同じよ」



少女「代わりが生えてくるの？」



母親「そうよ」 — 燐酸 (@arcueid_brunest) April 5, 2015

While not a perfect analogy, considering teeth are at least partly human, it’s still passable to explain to a child.

And the #1 funniest Japanese train tweet is….

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#1. Like if you crie everytiem

▼ “(Read manga style, right to left, top to bottom.)

I saw this conversation on the train today:

‘Um… we always ride the same train home together. It’s kind of like we’re going out, isn’t it?’

‘Really? Isn’t it just that our houses are close by?’

‘Oh… oh yeah. That’s true.’

‘Do you want to go to karaoke with me?’

‘Nah, I’m really bad at singing.’

‘Oh. Okay.’

‘GO WITH HER, YOU FOOL!’

Well now we know where every awkward-romantic anime got its inspiration from.

And there you have it, the top ten funniest Japanese train tweets as presented to us by Japanese Twitter. Have a crazy train story of your own to share? Let us know in the comments section!

Source: CuRAZY

Featured/top image: Twitter (@genshinactor)

