Hey, I am a rum drinker.

So I have only begged for about two things in my life. Both times, in hind sight, we not worst the blow to my ego. This time is different.

Dear gift sender please pull back to the vail of illusion and reveal yourself to me. I need your understanding and help. You see your gift could possibly be the bestest best best gift ever but there is a snag. I cannot now live any more days unless I know I will be drinking this rum.

I propose you contact me and allow me to send you the monies needed to procure and send another bottle of this award winning nectar of the gods. So far I have only been able to suck a small amount from the box from which it came.

Here is my story (pics at end). Today my assistant came in and handed me notice of package at the post office. She asked if I was expecting a package....she tends to ask silly questions.

So then I drove in a crazy amount of snow, killing a hobo in the process, to the post office to get my package. I would say I was pretty pumped at this point.

The wonderful post person handed my poor package, immediately it was clear it had seen better days.

I first thought you sent me a frozen turkey - which also would have been nice. But when I looked closer I could see that both our post services must have made love when this package was handed over. Once cross-post office relations happened they must have made some kind of incest love child and out crawled your poor package in its deformed state. Or someone dropped it. Whatever.

The post person was concerned when I began to smell the package without opening it. Once I had guessed at its contents I proceeded to lick the outside of the package. Her concern was once again elevated.

After getting home I commenced the opening.

The first thing that popped out was a great hand written (I mean who has time for that anymore) post card from my sender. Immediately upon seeing the message and reading it I knew two things. The we shared a love of the classic move THE THING and also that I want to be your friend. The dvd thing was easy to tell but from your hand writing style you seem super fun. Like a dash of Kasha but with more soul.

Open so we are in deep here now. We have one epic DVD and one post card. There was also a package of this fine red/pinkish (I am idiot its totally just orange) powder called Li Hing powder. I know in the post card you said it was a seasoning. For candy? - did I read that correctly? Either way, based on the fact that I have issues with instruction and powder, I cut some serious lines on the coffee table and let a rip on two. Granted they would have gone better with a rum chaser but going in they pack quite a punch. Delicious.

Yeah the rum bottle cap was broken.... I mean so what right? But hey I live in Canada with its government run liquor stores.... If I ask them for a bottle of award winning Braddah Kimo's Da Bomb Extreme Rum I am sure they would know exactly what I want. I am sure they would have lots on the shelf as well, and most likely just give me a bottle free of charge and wish me well in my travels. - Nope! never going to happen.

So now that I sit here in my house....with all my rum collection from around the world. I have a great bottle to add to the collection. oooh so close with this one.

Before you look at pics. Please know this. No mean or hurt feelings hurt here. I actually really loved this gift and it was a clear victory on your part. Just bad luck I suppose.

In closing, 2012 wasn't great of a year. It looked like it was going to be good. I had hope. But ultimately when its was all said and done, some good came from it but in the end it wasn't all it could have been.

Sorry for my attempt at creative writing.

No proof reading has taken place.