There are so many things we all expect with pregnancy; moodiness, morning sickness, swollen feet....but there are so many things they don't warn you about. I was unprepared. So I thought I would share a few things I was surprised by. I am not complaining, I am thrilled to be blessed with this little moon pie. I am just sharing some things I have run into in my first four months.

1. Morning sickness is a lie. Oh sure, you get sick in the morning....and afternoon...and evening and all the time in between. Thanks to the increase of hormones surging through our bodies, three quarters of preggy ladies get to experience what I now just call The Sickness.2. You have a baby bump from the first month on....but it isn't your expanding uterus or your growing baby that gives you a bump....it's constipation. Gross and TMI??? I don't care. More people should talk about it so that more people are prepared for the horrible, bloated and painful experience. Your digestive system slows down to really milk all the nutrients it can from every bite of food. Mine has slowed down so much that a freaking sloth would be impressed.3. Nose bleeds. Yep. 20 years playing ball and never had a one. 4 months pregnant and have had three. Expanding blood vessels and increased blood flow really puts a lot of pressure on the sensitive little veins in your nose. One big sneeze and you could have the red sea on your hands.

4. Crabiness times 100. Chances are if you are talking to me, or around me or within ear shot of me...I want to punch you in the face. Remember that evil wench that was 9th grade PMS who would come visit you maybe one week a month???? Yeah, this is her bigger, meaner pissed off olde sister and she is here to wreck shop. One measly week a month??? Try every day for three months. And the first few weeks, when you don't even know you are pregnant, really messes with you. I thought I had turned into the world's most hateful person overnight. I am usually a pretty positive person who tries to see the good in people. Nope. Not when pregnant. Everyone on Facebook is the devil, everyone at work are idiots and everyone in my family is annoying. I had zero filter and had to fight to keep my mouth shut half the time. I was unfriending people left and right on social media.5. Loss of sense of humor, patience, interest or ability to fake any of the aforementioned in everyday life. Oh the line at the supermarket was long? I don’t care. Traffic sucked? Shut up. You ask how my day is going? Get out of my face. You saw a squirrel fox-trotting with a turtle? You're blocking my path to the toilet.6. Pregnancy Ugly. This is to replace the ever popular term Pregnancy Glow. I look like crap. I haven't done my hair or makeup in three months. I am bloated, broken out, none of my cute clothes fit and my feet are too swollen to wear anything but comfy, ugly flats. And I am 100% positive I have not had any glow anywhere around me. Not to mention my body hair grows ten times faster than it did.7. Feeling tired doesn't begin to cover it. From 1 pm to around 7 pm I feel like I am in a groggy daze. All I can think about is the next time I can sneak to my car for a nap. I have fallen asleep on the phone, sitting up at my desk and in the drive through at Chick-Fil-A. The only reason it stops at 7 pm is because I go to bed.8. Veins. With the increase of blood flow going on in my body, my feet and hands have huge swollen veins. I now know this is common but had no idea going into it. I expected swollen feet once I had a big belly and was waddling around. I never realized the swollen feet are not just from the large weight gain later in pregnancy. They swell right away from crappy circulation and increased blood flow. A twenty minute walk around the block makes my feet swell and ache like a four hour practice in college never did.

9. Boobies. I knew they would get bigger and would continue to do so...but I had no idea that my areolas would double in size and get darker so quickly. It really is quite amazing. Our bodies are so genetically streamlined for reproduction that your nipples prepare for a newborns bad eyesight. The increased size and darkening color are to help that new little nugget more easily find your breast and zero in on his/her feeding time target. Reading about the biology behind it all has been mind-blowing. Our bodies were made for this. I can see why people get so upset when people make negative comments about mothers breastfeeding in public. We were made to do this. Our bodies know it even if your mind doesn't. Get over it. Or don't. Either way, keep your mouth shut.

10. Speaking of keeping your mouth shut. People cannot. Everyone and their mother, literally, will have advice for you, opinions for you and horror stories for you. And everyone tells you conflicting stuff. They are all 100% positive they know what they are talking about and then someone two hours later with a conflicting opinion is 100% positive they are correct. Same goes for baby books. I have read about 6 of them now, and all are helpful in one way or another, each one has contradicted the other at some point. Just take all advice with a grain of salt and a smile. Just educate yourself and go with what works best for your family. That’s all you can do. And as much as you try to prepare yourself, you can never really prepare yourself and none of this is in our control.I know all of this makes pregnancy sound awful. But the truth is, I love it. And I wouldn't trade this feeling for anything in the world.

Hope I didn’t scare you off.

mama g