Valentine’s Day is upon us! Some will be looking forward to it, such as the singletons who managed to convince their crush to go on a date, and those in relationships whose other halves have planned something special.

Others want it to be over as soon as possible, largely because they feel lonely, unloved, suicidal, ugly, etc [go to the gym, it helps]. Even some people in relationships (mainly economically-savvy/tight-fisted [delete as appropriate] men) will be dreading having to spend money on over-priced romantic gestures.

Regardless of whether you’re bothered or pretend not to be, the run-up to Val’s Day has given birth [which some ladies end up doing nine months later in November] to a hilarious trend that originated on Twitter known as #ValentinesDeadlineDay or #ValentinesTransferDeadlineDay .

Here is a breakdown of how the transfer market could play out for the managers trying to make signings for 14th February… [*Jim White voice*] before the window slams shut!

Early Bids

Early bi r ds get the worm. Deadline Day can be chaotic and you may miss out on securing your first choice target. Smart managers get their business done and dusted early on. They scout the player they want to sign before the transfer window opens. To enjoy a stress-free deadline day, you should have made a formal approach soon after the New Year.

This gives you enough time to activate their release clause, agree personal terms, image rights [i.e. whether to broadcast the date on Snapchat], and negotiate agent fees [i.e. get a third party to put in a good word for you]. Early bids can also prevent you from paying over the odds for the transfer [saving money by booking things like travel and hotel in advance].

Release Clauses

The Valentine’s Day transfer market is a savage environment. Even players who are already under contract can be tempted to seek first team action elsewhere. Imagine Florentino Perez dangling a near world record offer under a player’s nose which triggers the release clause in their contract.

This has the ability to unsettle players , particular someone whose relationship status is ‘it’s complicated’ or ‘seeing someone but not sure where it’s going’. If you don’t offer improved terms to your star striker, you may well see them posing in someone else’s number 9 shirt.

Personal Terms

Sometimes you can make contact with the player’s agent (best friend), agree that the move is good for both parties, and the player could even pass the medical [background checks]. However the deal could still be called off if you fail to agree personal terms. And this leaves you with no time to bring in another player.

Personal terms disagreements can be over many things such as the player wants you to take them to the San Siro (Hilton Hotel), however you think Craven Cottage (Travelodge) is just fine. They may want Champions League action (Hakkasan) but you can only offer the Capital One Cup (cheeky Nandos).

Panic Buys

Remember when Wenger rushed to uncharacteristically make a number of frantic signings after Arsenal got destroyed 8-2 by Manchester United? Panic buys resulting from desperate last minute bids are usually driven by the fear of impending loneliness or being made fun of because the rest of your mates managed to secure dates.

At this point in the window, managers consider signing players they would never have scouted under regular circumstances. Suddenly managers will offer a mid-table benchwarmer the chance to play in the Champions League. So sure you may be able secure a date just for the sake of it, but you will soon be wondering what the heck you were thinking!

Loan Moves / Short Term Contracts

Sometimes managers don’t want to commit to anything long-term, but are still active in the Val’s Day transfer market. The gaffer might just need some cover for some injuries to his starting eleven [interpret that in whichever way you like… *cough* timeofthemonth *cough*] or wants to keep the wage bill low.

In this instance, you go for a loan move where both parties understand that it is a short term deal to see how things go. If the date goes well then a permanent deal can be discussed. If not, you go your separate ways [and block each other on WhatsApp]. Even if only for a short period, some players get really lucky and secure amazing loan moves, like Julien Faubert to Real Madrid [nope, still not sure why or how that happened either].

Missing the Deadline

This is the reason why you should have put in an early bid! On some occasions, if you are fortunate, transfers may be allowed to be finalised after the window has shut, i.e. discussing on 13th Feb (Deadline Day) that you’re both interested in a date, and then finalising the details the next morning.

However that will usually be too late – like when Real Madrid didn’t receive David De Gea’s paperwork from Man United on time. You may have to wait until the next transfer window opens to make another bid [perhaps because the player only showed interest in you so they wouldn’t be dateless on Val’s Day]. There’s also the risk that they end up extending their contract elsewhere and you miss your chance altogether [ #DaveStays ].

Anyway, have a great Valentine’s Day. And don’t forget to wear shinpads [protection] before the tackle goes in 😉

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