New Law Allows Parents To Abort Non-Viable Millennials

RICHMOND, VA—A new law proposed by representatives in the Virginia state legislature would allow parents to abort their non-viable millennial children.

"Any child who's 30 years old and still living with their parents is obviously a non-viable life form, and that's between the parents and their doctor to discuss options," said one representative defending the bill in the assembly. "The millennial can be kept comfortable in the basement while the mother decides if she wants to keep them. But that's between her and her doctor."

"Her basement, her choice," he added.

Medical professionals can use early detection methods to try to spot signs of non-viability in the millennial's development, like getting a useless college degree, eating quinoa and avocado toast, and wearing a man bun. But sometimes, parents just aren't sure until very late in gestation, like by the time they are 30 or 35 years old and still haven't gotten a job.

"At that point it's a humane option," a medical doctor who has performed dozens of millennial abortions said. "It's a quality of life issue, not an issue of morality or murder."

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