CALGARY, AB—Erin Marsh, 26, is on day 4 of her self-appointed "birthday week" and her friends and family have already reached a breaking point.

According to experts, the "birthday week" is an emerging trend in which monstrous narcissists expand their annual festivities by a whopping 600% with virtually no explanation as to why they are allowed to do this.

"Sunday, we got drunk. Tuesday, I bought her lunch. Tomorrow, she wants to go to the batting cages," Marsh's close friend Tara McRae explains, exasperated. "I don't even think she likes batting cages! But we've already done all her favourite stuff. At this point she's just filling up the rest of my week with a bunch of garbage."

The unrelenting marathon has taken an especially harsh toll on Marsh's casual work acquaintances.

"I haven't slept in days," says Becky Collins, shaking as she clutches her fourth coffee. "It's like she has us working in shifts. I work all day. We meet up. I spend all the money I made buying her shots. Repeat. I can't keep doing this. This morning I puked in my purse on the bus."

Even Marsh's parents say they can't condone their daughter's excessively self-involved behaviour.

"She's like Godzilla," Marsh's mother Lena says, fighting back tears and clutching her husband's hand. "Towering over everything in her heels and treating the city like her own personal playground."

"It's our fault," Calvin Marsh chimes in. "We made her feel too special growing up. I was always cutting the crusts off her damn sandwiches."

Calvin squints and clenches one fist. "Next year I'm gonna get her a whole box of crusts and make her eat them."

For the time being, the birthday girl seems completely oblivious to the growing animosity around her.

"Everyone has been having so much fun!" Marsh exclaims. "I bet I could push my birthday week to 8 or 9 days and no one would even notice. The week is just flying by."

Baroness von Sketch Show gets it: