The work of making disciples is the work of bringing others to maturity. In most churches, spiritual maturity is measured by knowledge and service, but it can be more clearly seen in our relationships with others. It’s in our relationships that our emotional health is revealed.

But how do we develop emotional health in those we disciple? Better yet, how do we develop emotional health in ourselves?

1. Respect Emotions

Emotions are part of being designed in God’s image. They aren’t dangerous, bad, or negative. They provide texture to our experiences and our lives. Imagine how dull life would be without emotions such as compassion, excitement, frustration, joy, amazement, anger, etc.

Developing a respect for emotions doesn’t mean that you are ruled by them, but rather that you will seek to identify them. Once identified you are able to move towards understanding them and giving the underlying causes the attention or non-attention they deserve.

2. Model Self & Others Awareness

Buddhist philosopher Thich Nhat Hanh once observed, “To love without knowing how to love wounds the person we love.” Jesus understood this well, which is why He gave us an example of how to love (John 13:34).

When you make disciples your emotional maturity is on display when a disciple stands you up, continually shows up unprepared, or passionately disagrees with you. It’s natural to feel upset or disappointed in these situations, but an emotionally aware person will seek to understand before insisting on being understood.

Some emotions such as fear, humiliation, jealousy, and hatred are difficult to see within ourselves. Even acknowledging such emotions can be a challenge. It can feel more comfortable and sanctified to push them down and pretend they aren’t there. Reacting this way stunts our connection to God, our connection to others, and our own growth.

Developing the ability to discern our own emotions allows us to choose how to manage them, instead of being man-handled by them. The same ability gives those we disciple the opportunity to develop others-awareness by letting them see “behind the curtain”.

3. Be Curious as You Process with God

As respect for and awareness of emotions grows we must choose how to process them with God. Taking the time to pray and journal about how we feel allows us to untangle emotions from thoughts. As we slow down we can curiously ask God, why am I feeling these emotions? What do my feelings reveal about who I am? What do they reveal about what I believe about You?

The Psalms serve as a wonderful guide for us in this. Repeatedly we see the psalmist experiencing emotions, processing them honestly before God, and seeking transformation.