Oh dear God the lies have already started. Jill has a team of people who do everything for her. I am literally less than a minute in and had to pause. Jill has literally hired some sort of glam/minion squad to surround her for her intro as if she is some sort of celebrity who does events all day. She works in a fabric store and sells girdles to skinny people. Seriously? She is changing places with Jenna Van Oy who played Six on Blossom. Jenna was a child actress and Jill is a media whore. (Sidenote: Jill is the only Real Housewife of anywhere I’ve met and the topic of my very first blog here. Check out the archives) .

Jill is VERY proud that she was one of the ORIGINAL housewives of New York. Most people watching this show have no idea who she is. She talks about loving her dog more than her kid. She lives in the Hamptons! Oh wait. That is her summer house. She is very rich (they actually seem to do fine, but oh the uncouthness !!!) . She is now pretending she has a full staff. Look. I don’t know if this is true or not, but I know at least someone with way more money than Jill who lives in NYC and has a summer home somewhere way nicer than the Hamptons that is not nearly this pretentious. An entire staff is not necessary for three adults. I think my friend has a maid, a doorman, a dog sitter, and that is about it. Other staff as necessary for events. This is mediawhore bullshit from people with not nearly as much money as they think they have.

Her Hamptons home is GORGEOUS. Jill has a party there every weekend. They call it camp Zarin. Seriously? Do you really need people to come to your home every weekend to tell you how great it is? I will never understand this outside need for validation. I’d LOVE to live in that house. But I would never have riff raff like the likes of you over every weekend to ooh and ahh. I’d have the place surrounded by fucking snipers. #SorryNotSorry

Jenna, is a normal person who happens to have plenty of money. She lives in Nashville. She is humble. She is into family. She is a REAL HOUSEWIFE. I love Brad. He is totally my type. Jenna has a great life and a great attitude going in.

On the way to Jenna’s Jill says, “This is more of a working class community. And people who work for us, this is probably where they live.” #CuntSactchel

Jill moves into Jenna’s modest house. I am sure she is pissed thinking she was going to trade lives with someone more her equal, like Oprah, or the Queen of England. I bet she immediately called her agent and tried to quit. Jill comments “She needs fabric! This is not clean enough!” Jill has never seen a floor furnace.

Meanwhile Jenna is overwhelmed by Jill’s home. It is staggeringly beautiful. Jenna particularly loves the kitchen and says, “I hope this means she likes to cook!”

Jill says she can’t relate to Jenna missing her baby, Gray. But she does really miss her dog. Look I get this show is fake and dramatic, but the things Jill is willing to say about her daughter on camera is pathetic.

Jill is going way out of her way to look rich in a house she probably rented for the week and I’m is pissed she is still breathing at this point. Jill compares Jenna’s kid to a dog. Which in the sense she meant it is correct. Both kids and dogs can smell evil.

Jill introduces herself a “The Star of The Real Housewives of New York City” Was it ever called the Real Housewives of New York City? that seemed strange coming out of her mouth as if she was referring to a porno of that name.

At Camp Zarin, there is a ridiculous party going on in their fake summer home. Photogs are everywhere and fake glamor hilariously ensues.

Just as stupidly someone has to off camera babysit Grey while Jill inevitably burns the house down while cooking dinner. Jill’s fake shock over seeing a whole fish to cook is ridiculous. Even us plebians have eaten a whole fish in a restaurant. This episode is so far beyond scripted. Why do they do this? Each woman would have been out of her element anyway but SOME PRODUCER had to make it seem like Jill had never been eyeball to eyeball with a fish before. That makes no sense, it’s usually the fancypants places where that happens.

Meanwhile, a “Camp Zarin” Bobby is tasked with getting as much TV time for the property I assume they are trying to pretend they own as possible. There is much fanfare and grandiosity involved. I know east coast people and west coast people with places nicer than this, and, this ain’t how it works. In fact, I’ve never been invited either way. The don’t want to be bothered. They have a great retreat. They don’t want people there. Hell I live in the ghetto and I don’t want people here. It’s not all LOOK AT ME ENTERTAINMENT! It’s where they live!

I feel like I am being repetitive. It’s just ridiculous.

Bobby takes Jenna out to spend thousands on clothes. At lunch Bobby invites more couples along. It’s always a party so that the Zarin’s can talk about how rich they are. How sad.

Jill says that Jenna’s husband needs to get out with his wife alone.

RULE CHANGE!

Jill wants a nanny to come in. And a dog groomer. She wants manicures and pedicures for all! Gray will be spoiled with fancy gifts! YAY! I say. Jill wants a party.

Jenna wants no more parties and more family time. Jenna has a huge problem with the “glass staircase” in more ways than one and wants the house child proofed for Jill’s grandkids. No more gifts for the grandkids. You have to spend time with them. Jenna wants Bobby to do some real work.

I love Jill spoiling the girl. I am actually on Jill’s side this time. It took me a long time to learn if a rich person wants to spoil you, put your pride aside and let them. Especially this time. it’s your kid and it is only one time. I get Jill is crazy person, but she is trying to make your kid happy. Let her.

I love that Jenna has made the guest bedroom kid friendly. Jenna is making Bobbi playing with the kids. Jenna sets up camp Jenna where Bobby gets time with his family.

Jill takes her “husband” out with the kids on a date.

At the summit. Jill says she was hoping for rich people. She continues to say “Kids are overrated.” I’m sorry I had to stop for several WTF moments. I am sure she probably tells her kid this is all a for TV. But I don’t believe that. Jill wishes she never had a child. How many people in the world believe that about HER RELATIONSHIP WITH HER CHILD that she may have put out there as a joke? EVEN if your mother was on reality TV and said ” I am going to pretent to love my dog more than you for money” And I will follow up by saying “Kids are overrated” for more money. but um, I’m only kidding sweetie?” Years of therapy and eating your feelings.

Share this:

Tweet

