Do you mind bearing with me while I get something off my chest? It's not Christmassy but it is, I feel, important.

Most Invisible Woman working days begin with a good read through the newspapers, followed by a thorough rummage in Twitter to see what's being discussed. Then I write until lunchtime when, like most working people, I take break and grab something to eat. I can honestly say that it has never occurred to me that while I'm out picking up my double BLT I might also nip into a handy cosmetic surgeon and take 30 minutes to get my vagina tightened before sitting down again (carefully) for an afternoon's work. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that it's come to this – I mean, the middle-aged foof would have caught it sooner or later, in a manner of speaking. It's probably a miracle that it's taken this long. I refer – in case you were lucky enough to miss "It's like going to the gym for your vagina" – to the hot (in both senses) new treatment for your lady bits, the Femilift. There is so much wrong with this that I hardly know where to start. It took me a week to have a coherent thought through the anger and sadness. Why would anyone feel such a procedure is necessary? And more importantly, if there are genuine problems, why go to a cosmetic surgeon and not to one's own doctor or gynaecologist?

As we all know, women's bodies are cleverly arranged so that some bits are more flexible than others and the most flexible of all are the bits where all the sex, childbirth, and waste disposal things happen. It's entirely understandable therefore that most of what goes on within our pelvic area gives us a fair old physical pounding over the years. We also know, or we should if we listened at our antenatal classes, that the whole kit and caboodle rests on and passes through a robust muscular hammock enticingly named "the pelvic floor". This is not the kind of floor that requires regular mopping, or it shouldn't be. However, if we would prefer our later life to encompass the delight of frivolous knickers and not the sort that accommodate an incontinence pad or avoid what my charming ex-husband referred to as "painter's bucket syndrome" we would all do well to exercise our "floors" whenever we get the chance. To an extent it's another age thing – we know that to some degree muscle mass is lost with ageing, but that's only part of what makes up our anatomy, which also contains collagen fibres interlaced with elastin and lots of other, and for the purposes of this column, irrelevant bits and bobs. I can imagine someone in a lab coat thinking, "Aha! So our fabulous and expensive facials for stimulating the production of collagen could be used ELSEWHERE." At which point I expect whoever it was ran around the laboratory yelling "Eureka!" and planning to move somewhere with kinder tax laws.

Only this isn't something as harmless as a facial and it certainly isn't like taking your nunny to the special vagina gym, not unless going to the gym involves being penetrated with a speculum that fires a laser into your vaginal wall at centimetre intervals . This "rejuvenating" experience could set you back the thick end of ten grand, depending on your "laxity" – a lovely word. You might also bear in mind that the effects last "18 to 24 months" so it's not even 10 grand's worth of permanently rejuvenated vag. If, however, you carry on with, resume or even start from scratch with your pelvic floor exercises, the results will last the rest of your life and cost precisely nothing. Apart from some odd looks on the bus while you adopt an expression of deep concentration and flex your "floor" to the rhythm of Daft Punk on your iPhone.

I suppose what upsets me most about this nonsense (and it is nonsense) is that it's another thing aimed at undermining a woman's confidence and it seems to be targeted at those around menopausal age, when many of us suffer a crisis of confidence anyway. It's all very well for Sharon Osbourne to announce on a chat show that she's had a vaginal lift but she's hardly typical. It could be, although I hope not, that more suggestible women watching that might feel this is something they should also do, along with rapid loss of baby weight, having a tummy tuck, a Brazilian, a vajacial or a labiaplasty. This procedure is yet another that suggests the appearance and, how can I put this, physicality (age, feel, effect?) of women's genitalia is something that needs fixing. What a profoundly depressing thought.

I'm sorry if you were expecting something amusing from me in the run-up to Christmas – we'll have tinsel and mince pies next week, promise.

Follow The Invisible Woman on Twitter @TheVintageYear. The next Invisible Woman column will run on Monday 23 December.