Trump Takes Credit for Inventing Telephone, Airplane

Donald Trump, in a tweet, thanked himself this morning for the invention of the telephone. "Now ppl can talk to each other across vast distances! Thanks, Donald," he tweeted.

"Amazing technical progress now that I've been elected," he tweeted.

In another tweet, Trump seemed to be suggesting that winning the election enabled the invention of flight. "Used to take months to cross the country, now you can do it in hours," Trump said. "Not Prez yet but ALREADY MAKING AMERICA GREAT AGAIN."

Democrats have insisted these devices existed well before Trump was elected, but Republicans say this is not so. "That's ridiculous," Senate Leader Majority Leader Mitch McConnell stated.

Trump supporters praised the Donald for making their current way of life possible. "Can you imagine what the world would be like if we didn't have fire?" said Giles Emphatic of Ponoma, Wisconsin. "Thanks, Donald."