Start worrying, NFL. Start losing sleep over Todd Gurley’s impersonation of a human battering ram. Start sweating shirts swampy about Jared Goff and his arm growing more confident and capable by the day.

Start quaking in your cleats about trying to run on Aaron Donald and Ndamukong Suh — or throw on cornerbacks Aqib Talib and Marcus Peters.

If the Rams are feeling the Super Bowl-sized weight of expectations, they’re chewing them up like a bowl of corn flakes. Two games into the season, they’ve bullied Raiders messiah Jon Gruden and laid waste to the Cardinals without a kicker, with a defender who skipped the last two seasons, and behind a 5-7 return guy who watched Week 1, unemployed, from his couch.

When the smoke cleared on the Rams’ 34-0 dismantling of Arizona on Sunday at the Coliseum, it became clear.


The Rams, bolting out of the gate, are as-advertised.

“Pretty good,” said Cardinals coach Steve Wilks, when asked to evaluate the Rams.

Then, he paused to self-edit: “Real good.”

That’s just a cursory glance at the core of the Rams, without digging into all the ways each supplementary chess move seems to deliver check-mate.


When kicker Greg Zuerlein was sidelined just before the game because of a groin injury, punter Johnny Hekker kicked an artistry-be-damned, 20-yard field goal and uncorked a couple of touchbacks as Gurley ran in a pair of 2-point conversions.

Veteran cornerback Sam Shields, who last climbed into pads on Sept. 11, 2016, picked off a Sam Bradford pass and returned it 22 yards.

And returner JoJo Natson, who failed to make the Rams’ 53-man roster or practice squad, was scrolling through Instagram on his couch as his old team cruised past the Raiders. Then, Pharoh Cooper hurt his ankle and backup Mike Thomas injured his groin.

When special teams coach John Fassel called Natson on Tuesday, “I thought he butt-dialed me.” Natson accounted for 155 return yards Sunday, with 133 coming on punts — including a 60-yarder that set up a touchdown.


Donald, who talked about the defense but easily could have reflected on the entire locker room, framed it best.

“I feel like we can even get better,” he said. “That’s the scary thing.”

The defense now has thrown a shutout in the last six quarters, allowing just 13 points overall. The Cardinals flailed in the face of it all, coming up with just three first downs through three quarters and five for the game.

There’s trouble, from defensive tackles to defensive backs … and everywhere in between.


“They’re obviously a very talented defense at every level,” Bradford said.

As the rest of the league seemed to lose its marbles Sunday — a Bills player retiring at halftime, a Vikings kicker missing kick after kick, a Browns kicker doing the same, the Jaguars bullying the Patriots, Bucs quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick channeling Conor McGregor — the Rams reinforced their standing as the most dependable commodity in the NFL.

Not even history has been able to slow down the Rams. The team stood 4-11 at home since returning to L.A. Make that a resounding, resolute 5-11 after an all-phases rout in front of 66,515.

The last time the Rams started 2-0 was 2001, when Kurt Warner, San Diego State’s Marshall Faulk and pass-catching blurs Torry Holt and Isaac Bruce carried them all the way to the Super Bowl.


None of this means the Cardinals aren’t a bona-fide mess, because they certainly are that. They’ve been held scoreless in seven of eight quarters this young season, putting up just six points.

That’s not good news for offensive coordinator Mike McCoy, the former head coach of the Chargers for four seasons.

“I don’t even know where to start right now,” Wilks said of his offense.

The Rams, though, seem to be in everything-we-touch-is-gold mode.


Gurley finished the first quarter at minus-1 yards rushing. He walked out the Coliseum tunnel a few hours later with three touchdowns and 22 points in all with his pair of conversions.

Goff sprayed the ball around, connecting with five different receivers who averaged at least 10 yards per catch — including Brandin Cooks hauling in seven for 159 yards and Robert Woods converting six into 81.

Meanwhile, Natson planned to carve out some time for shopping.

“I had a bunch of clothes on the ground, I just picked those up, like a week’s worth of clothes,” Natson, the old-is-new-again returner said of the mistaken butt-dial that put him on an airplane two hours later.


“I probably have mismatching shoes. I said, ‘I’ll buy clothes when I get to L.A.’ ”

Next up for the steam-rolling Rams is their Los Angeles neighbor, the Chargers.

On Sunday the Chargers busted up the Bills, who have been outscored 78-23 in two weeks. Philip Rivers, Keenan Allen and Melvin Ingram will constitute a competitive upgrade, without doubt.

So, the Chargers and the NFL wait to learn more about these Rams.


Wait … and worry.


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bryce.miller@sduniontribune.com; Twitter: @Bryce_A_Miller