You’re a doctor? I don’t really know anything about medicine, but can you explain exactly how the endocrine system works in two minutes or less?

You’re a writer? I had a terrible writing teacher in high school. I bet I wouldn’t like you.

You’re a carpenter? You must be super good at carpentering.

You’re a singer? I stopped singing in 11th grade. The last song I sang was… hmmmmm… let’s see… Mozart’s Requiem. I wasn’t very good at that song.

You’re an engineer? I used to play with building blocks when I was a kid. Show me exactly what you’re designing and, if there’s anything I don’t understand, it’s probably your fault.

You’re a banker? So that means you print money, right? What kind of money do you print?

You’re a lawyer? Argue against the Electoral College in front of me right now for my perverse amusement. I’ll just be here smiling smugly and assuming that you don’t realize I’m making fun of you in my head.

You’re a project manager? God, I fucking hate project management.