When we last left you, there was still some uncertainty as to how Americans would be reflecting on the 9th anniversary of 9/11. Well, specifically, how one American out of 350 million or so, Terry Jones, pastor of Gainesville's Dove World Outreach Center and president of Gainesville's Upper Lip Hair Club for Men, how he would be observing that day. KERRY SANDERS, MSNBC (9/9/2010): Will he burn the Koran with his followers? ERIC BOLLING, FOX BUSINESS CHANNEL (9/9/2010): Why is it that Muslims are in such an uproar about burning the Koran? RICK SANCHEZ, CNN (9/10/2010): Just how kooky is this guy? SANDERS: Is he going to start burning the Torah next? Wha??? NOOOOO!!!! TORAH BURN BAD!!! NOOOO!!!!! Don't burn!!! By the way, if you're wondering why only my hands turn when I get angry, it's kind of a sad story. As a teenager, I was exposed to gamma rays in a military test facility... while masturbating. And ladies, yes, the gloves match the drapes. So, did Yosemite Jones burn the Koran like he promised? TERRY JONES (9/11/2010): We feel that God is telling us to stop. Oh really? God's telling you to stop? Um, when God told you to do it originally, he hadn't anticipated the backlash, is that it? God never saw that one coming, is that what you're saying? I think you might be confusing God with everybody else in the world telling you to stop. Because... let me ask you this. When God told you not to burn the Koran, did it sound something like this? "Don't be a fucking idiot, dude!" Because that's not God, that's everybody! That was not the only Koran-burning to fall through, by the way. For more, we go to Jennifer Shambmrmrrmm [really, Megan Moore] at our Amarillo affiliate KThmbmvmmbmb [really, KFDA]. MEGAN MOORE (9/11/2010): A planned public burning of the Koran did not take place today in Amarillo City Park. David Grisham, the leader of an area radical Christian group attempted to publicly set fire to the Islamic holy book. JACOB ISOM: Snuck up behind him and took his Koran. He said something about burning the Koran, I was like, "Dude, you have no Koran!" (wild audience applause) And the Koran-burner was all, "Bummer!" And I was all, "Zoinks!" Next thing you know, I'm in the back of the Mystery Machine, and Fred and Velma are jamming Scooby Snacks down my gullet. (in Norville Rogers voice) Like, wow, Scoob! Of course, the media was very circumspect about whether or not they should even be covering these provocative acts perpetrated by propagandizing pyromaniac proselytizers. Perhaps they shouldn't. But this next clip exemplifies how often the media's better angels get the shit kicked out of them. MSNBC, 9/10/2010: CENK UYGUR: This guy is clown of the earth, and we shouldn't be having a conversation about what he is or he isn't going to do. ... I mean, we can't address all these whackjobs throughout the country, but there's a second side of this, Chris, that's really important. The rest of the world, the Muslim world.... CHRIS JANSING: Cenk, I've gotta interrupt you, because here's the pastor, let's hear what he has to say. And the winner and still undefeated champion in the battle between the media's superego and id is... id! Poor media, they can't help themselves. They're not bad people. You know what the media is? They're the dog from the movie Up. DUG: My master made me this collar. He is a good and smart master, and he made me this collar so that I may talk... SQUIRREL!!! That's what they are. You're right. We should not be following Pastor Jones... PASTOR JONES!!! Of course, while the media focused their questions on Pastor Jones, Fox News's squirrel continued to be Imam Rauf and his Lower Manhattan... (insert scenes of nuclear annihilation) SEAN HANNITY: I want to know why this imam will not condemn the terrorist group Hamas. GLENN BECK: Who's financing this very expensive mosque? HANNITY: Is this imam radical? STEVE DOOCY: Why does it have to be so close? UNIDENTIFIED FOX NEWS WOMAN: Is it provocation? Is it celebration? BRIAN KILMEADE: And with it such a big planet, why there? (audience booing) Yes, with such a big planet, why there? You know, with such a big galaxy, why this planet? Why can't the imam make it a Galactic Community Center of Death!!!?? Death! Death. I was supposed to get some reverb? Death! Nope, nothing? All right. All right, imam, answer the questions! LARRY KING LIVE, 9/8/2010: SOLEDAD O'BRIEN: You'll list whoever is giving you money? IMAM FEISAL ABDUL RAUF: Yes. .... O'BRIEN: Will you turn down money from people who, say, give money to Hamas? RAUF: Absolutely. .... O'BRIEN: Is the State Department right in saying that Hamas is a terrorist organization? RAUF: I condemn everyone and anyone who commits acts of terrorism. And Hamas has committed acts of terrorism. All right, not bad. That's not bad. He answered some of the questions. But there's still one question you refuse to answer. Why on this planet? RAUF: Had I known this would happen, we certainly would never have done this. ... If we move from that location, the story will be that the radicals have taken over the discourse. The headlines in the Muslim world will be that Islam is under attack. ... The concern for American citizens who live and work and travel overseas will increasingly be compromised if the radicals are strengthened. ... if you don't do this right, anger will explode in the Muslim world. Ohh, imam Rauf, you think you're so reasonable with your smoky voice and lick-able beard. Of course, some may think you're putting too much credence in our responsibility to control the reaction of radicals, and of course others may just hear this. FOX & FRIENDS, 9/12/2010: GRETCHEN CARLSON: Is this a threat? STEVE DOOCY: Here is a threat he made yesterday. BRIAN KILMEADE: It sounds to me like a warning. GRETCHEN CARLSON: Is that a threat, Laura? Is that a threat? LAURA INGRAHAM: It's a veiled threat. MICHELLE MALKIN: I don't think it's any mistake that he used the word "explode". Imam Rauf answered every single one of their questions, but unfortunately, here's what they heard at Fox. DUG: SQUIRREL! Even America's former mayor Rudy Giuliani, even Rudy Giuliani saw squirrels. RUDY GIULIANI, MEET THE PRESS (9/12/2010): Now, we have the imam who tells us if he doesn't get his way, there could be significant and very dangerous violence. Look, those are very, very strong words, and to enter a sort of a suggestion of a threat into this, I worry about this as the kind of tactics he pursues. He's appalled. To use a cheap cudgel of fear as a way to expedite your desired outcome, that is so a few years ago. DICK CHENEY (9/27/2004): It's absolutely essential that eight weeks from today, on November 2nd, we make the right choice. Because we make the wrong choice, then the danger is that we'll get hit again. MITT ROMNEY (2/7/2008): Barack and Hillary have made their intentions clear regarding Iraq and the War on Terror. They would retreat, declare defeat. And the consequence of that would be devastating. It would mean attacks on America. SEAN HANNITY (5/20/2007): How dangerous will it be if a Democrat gets elected? RUDY GIULIANI (5/20/2007): Oh, worst thing you can do, show them weakness. And you put yourself in graver danger if you show them weakness. ... I believe that puts us in greater danger. See, that's not a threat. That's not a threat, if you don't vote Republican, we'll be attacked by terrorists. Those are helpful warnings that have protected our country from existential danger. You know, sometimes I just get so sad watching these clips, that... SQUIRREL!!! (Original water-skiing squirrel video here.)

Then Jon had on Wyatt and Aasif in their Team Jesus and Team Mohammed shirts again to discuss the religious nuts on both sides wanting to see an outright religious war to bring on Armageddon.

JON STEWART: Now, to help us understand the heightened emotions of the possible Koran-burning and mosque-building controversies, we're joined now by Team Jesus and Team Mohammed, Wyatt Cenac and Aasif Mandvi. Thank you very much. Gentlemen, we're going to start with Team Mohammed, Aasif. Thoughts on Pastor Jones swearing to not burn the Koran? AASIF MANDVI: Well, Jon, I'm surprised. He's showing incredible restraint. Muslims did threaten to build a mosque in Lower Manhattan, and that is only five Terry-Jones-mustache lengths away from his congregation in Florida. STEWART: Well, that seems like an exaggeration distance-wise. WYATT CENAC: Now, Aasif, you're being very understanding. The truth is, Pastor Jones isn't going to burn the Koran, but one of us will. And soon. And I think the Islamic world has every reason to react forcefully and violently. I think you're patient to a fault on this one. MANDVI: Well, patience? This is us freaking out at the thought of someone thousands of miles, or at least 12 Terry-Jones-mustache lengths away, maybe burning a Koran. We're not rational! CENAC: Be irrational! You earned it! You have to avenge centuries of subjugation by undermining the West and supplanting the Constitution with your Sharia law. I mean, honestly, I wouldn't respect you if you didn't. I mean, WWJD. Jesus always didn't turn the other cheek. MANDVI: Yeah, but, look at my What Would Mohammed Do? bracelet. WMD is right there in it! We are dangerous. I would not blame you a bit if you waged a full-scale nuclear war against us. STEWART: I'm just going to very quickly... I feel like you should both maybe tone it down, because I feel like this is inciting religious conflict, and I know that's not.... (pause) Are you trying to incite religious conflict? CENAC & MANDVI: No, no, no. MANDVI: Jon, that's crazy talk. I mean, why would we do that? CENAC: Although, if it were to somehow happen, I suppose we could make the best of it. You know, tear down the Dome of the Rock, and usher in the End Times when Jesus returns for the Final Judgment. That kind of thing. MANDVI: Yeah, or maybe, that would cause the 12th imam to appear, since he will only reveal himself when the world is embroiled in civil wars for no reason. Well, I don't see a reason, do you? STEWART: So wait, so the bottom line here is, both groups are hoping for an apocalyptic event? CENAC: Have you ever read our religions books? MANDVI: I mean, think John Woo movie. CENAC: But with less doves. MANDVI: And no more Chinese people. (high five) STEWART: Don't you see what this is, though? This type of thing then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. And then what's the point in getting your way and destroying the Earth in the process? CENAC: Clouds, angels, Tim Tebow? MANDVI: I'm pretty sure I'm going to be getting laid... a lot. STEWART: You know, and I hesitate to bring this up, you're both hoping for an apocalyptic event. But you both can't be right. I mean, what if the other guy's prophet comes back, and not yours? Then what? CENAC: Well, at that point, you just gotta tip your cap to the other guy. MANDVI: Yep, well played, there's no shame in losing to the one true religion. Besides, we've got an understanding. STEWART: What do you mean, you cut a deal? CENAC: More like a promise between Aasif and I. Whoever guessed right will help the other guy pull off a quickie conversion. Then we'll both go to Heaven together! MANDVI: Yeah, and kick ass!! CENAC: We're going to Heaven! STEWART: You guys really don't get it at all, do you? MANDVI: Nope. CENAC: Not even a little. STEWART: Thanks very much.

Again, I ask that if any of you have friends or family that watch Fox News, SHOW THEM THESE CLIPS, especially the first one. Show them that Rauf DID answer, and that they refused to acknowledge it. Sometimes, comedy and mockery is the only way to break through to them when logic and reasoning won't work.

BTW, Stephen may or may not have had an update about what he and Jon may or may not be about to announce what they may or may not do in response to Glenn Beck's usurping of Martin Luther King, Jr.



And who saw Bill Maher on Jay Leno last night? Maher was very brutal in his assessment that he AGREES with those polled who said they have a negative view of Islam, because as Maher put it, they're the ones who keep their women in "those beekeeper suits" and stone them to death for adultery. Would that Maher would make the distinction between Islam and radical Islam, but to a guy who despises religion in general as much as Maher does, there is no distinction. :-\



Update: [Insert self-congratulatory comment about making the Rec list here.] Heh, well, at least all that effort to get the transcription correct wasn't for nothing. But anyway, if you haven't done so already, y'all should read this excellent profile of Jon Stewart and the inner workings of the Daily Show.

"The wisdom of the masses is not always ... wise," Stewart says. "You could put a lot of things to a vote—you could have put anti-miscegenation laws to a vote, and that would have passed pretty handily. Either all people are created equal—or they’re not. You’re either buying into the original premise of America—or you’re not." .... Yet as appalled as Stewart was by the politicians, his greater scorn was increasingly aimed at the acquiescent and co-opted news media. "I assume there are bad actors in society," Stewart says. "It’s inherent in politicians to be disingenuous. And a mining company wants to own the company store—as it is in SpongeBob. Mr. Krabs just wants to make more money. He’s not concerned with SpongeBob’s working conditions—although SpongeBob is putting in hours that are not humane, even for an invertebrate. I assume monkeys are gonna throw shit. I get angrier at the people who don’t go ‘Bad monkey!’ or who create distraction that allows it to continue unabated. The thing that shocked me the most when I first met reporters was the people who would step aside and say, ‘Boy, I wish I could say what you’re saying.’ You have a show! You are a network anchor! Whaddya mean you can’t say it?" Stewart says. .... Stewart is a somewhat left-of-center Bloomberg/Springsteen Democrat, but he’s avoided outright cause-mongering beyond emceeing charitable events. "We’re not provocateurs, we’re not activists; we are reacting for our own catharsis," Stewart says. "There is a line into demagoguery, and we try very hard to express ourselves but not move into, ‘So follow me! And I will lead you to the land of answers, my people!’ You can fall in love with your own idea of common sense. ..."

You really owe it to yourself to read the entire thing. So many good lines I couldn't include for fear of excerpting too much.



Oh, and if you're like Jon, and need a squirrel to distract you with all the disgusting bigotry and hate in the news, here's a sweet video of two squirrels at UCLA, and some UCLA students helping them out, set to Chairlift's "Bruises". (You should know the song already from those iPod commercials.)