OTTAWA – Canada’s pollsters are predicting a Liberal, Conservative, NDP, Green, Bloc, and People’s Party majority government for the federal election to the relief of many partisans and anxious voters.

“All of them,” said Nik Nanos of Nanos Research referring to who will ultimately lead the government after election night. “They’ll all win and everyone will be happy, including the smaller parties who we felt bad for.”

The poll, in collaboration with EKOS, Ipsos, Main Street, Leger, Forum, Global, iPolitics, and Nanos, showed that Quebec and Ontario will be swept by Trudeau, Scheer, Singh, May, Bernier, and whoever is in charge of the Bloc.

“Canadians can be rest assured that their most hated leader and political party will lose the election,” said polling analyst Éric Grenier. “And all of our polls indicate that they agree with every single Canadian’s view on each leader.”

Among the many other results from the polls included: a 62% chance of getting into political fights with family, a 79% chance of getting real quiet when a stranger says anything controversial, and a 0% chance of things improving.