(Dear Reader: In order to supply high-quality content to you, the Reader, in this age of the Internet, we bring you one of those wacky Choose-Your-Own-Adventure blogs in a style that the kids love.)

You are MURIEL COGSPROCKET. You are an OVERSEER for the colony of GREATER MUSHROOMHOOD. You enjoy HATS, BEETLES, and LOOKING INTO THE SEA. Your job is to attempt to SERVE THE EMPIRE and THE QUEEN while not GETTING STUCK or CRASHING.

Do you…

PAGE 2. (Attempt to Gossip With Your Neighbour)

You attempt to GOSSIP with THEOBOLD CRUMP. He is a POET and therefore prone to FLIGHTS.

THEOBOLD CRUMP is not currently available for gossiping, due to having gossiped with somebody earlier, having been interrupted while doing so, and prevented due to PROGRAMMER BUGS from having THE POWER OF SPEECH.

You now cannot find anybody to talk to in the colony of GREATER MUSHROOMHOOD because everybody has now suffered from BUGS and the rest of your life is spent walking from person to person and failing to engage them in conversation.

*GAME OVER*

PAGE 3. (Attempt to do Overseer Work)

There are two Overseer jobs available to you: CHOPPING TREES, or FARMING. Which do you choose?

1. Chopping Trees! (Page 6.)

2. Farming! (Page 7.)

PAGE 4. (Attempt to Go Home)

You impale your head on the jagged spikes of this BADLY MADE BUILDING, and cannot access your belongings due to the fact that the SIMPLE DOOR was not placed on the building, despite it being a REQUIRED MODULE.

*GAME OVER*

PAGE 5. (Walk into the Sea, never to return.)

Congratulations! This is the ONLY RIGHT ANSWER.

*GAME OVER*

PAGE 6. (Attempting to Chop Trees)

You walk up to the tree in order to organize A MERRY CHOPPING-PARTY, but find that you are unable to move due to the terrain by the tree having previously been walked on by SOMEBODY ELSE, POSSIBLY A FOREIGNER. You are now stuck in an INFINITE PATH-FINDING LOOP.

*GAME OVER*

PAGE 7. (Attempt to Farm)

You farm, but the farm that you are overseeing is TOO BIG and your work party cannot farm it in time before you DIE OF STARVATION.

*GAME OVER*

A Very Special Addition

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