Art W.

Miss Apis

Class 2-A

For my Harvest Season Break Reading Challenge, I read What Makes Grimm So Grim: A Book for Curious Boys by Olivier Gwynedd.

My review is that this book is not very good. The author tries to explain how the Creatures of Grimm are different from other animals, and what makes humans special. Mister Gwynedd says Grimm only attack humans and not animals because humans have souls and Grimm hate souls.

This book is 312 pages long, and I did not find good proof in them. We know that even small animals can create Aura, such as Ein the Flying Dog. That means animals must have a ‘soul’, the same as humans do. Why don’t Grimm attack bears or deer, then? But everyone knows Grimm don’t even attack weak animals in the wild.

I give this book:

★☆☆☆☆

Because, mother, he was a drunken fool in life, and he died exactly in the manner he lived. He managed to waste not one but two family fortunes, to say nothing of what he did to us. (Or are we “not talking about that” again?) The thought of being asked to pretend that he was a saint for all our ‘dearest relatives’ makes me positively nauseous.

Just tell them I had an exam that couldn’t be rescheduled, or something. It’s not like anyone is expecting me to deliver the eulogy.

> Arthur

Principle Endeble,

I regret to inform you that I will not be attending Northeast Public 212 for the remaining three years of my secondary education.

I am sure this must come as a shock and a disappointment to you - losing your star pupil, and the pride of the public schooling system. Unfortunately, I will no longer be your glistening ornament to accessorize all those rousing addresses you give. You’ll find a way to manage, though, I’m sure of it.

I have, indeed, been accepted into the Royal Academy of Atlas, via special dispensation from the Governing Council. It is a generalized science program, though I intend to further pursue my studies of bio-metaphysics under the guidance of the finest minds Remnant has to offer.

I suppose some note of thanks is in order. Not that you were particularly enlightening - I pray that you’ll excuse my candidness - but had I been educated in a more competent district, well, I might very well have been lulled into complacency with the rest of them. Instead, thanks in no small part to you and those in your employ, I felt the full weight of my education’s inadequacy. That crushing burden left me with no choice but to push back, surpassing the expectations of all but my own self.

I doubt our paths will cross again, but do rest assured knowing that you’ll merit at least a footnote or two in my memoirs.

Graciously Yours,

Arthur Watts

Professor Grassteppe,

I do hope you’ll forgive this late-night missive, but our class doesn’t rendezvous again until next week, so I must resort to my Scroll.

I was skipping ahead in the syllabus and for Week 10 you have us reading “Estimations of Genetic Correlation with Oscarian-Calibrated Aura Strength,” by Dr L. Lionheart. I regret to inform you (and the editorial board of Studies in Aura Metaphysics) that I have found no fewer than four serious errors that would warrant the paper’s retraction.

I attached a line-by-line deconstruction of Dr. Lionheart’s errors in the file below, but such is my Executive Summary:

The author omitted direct between-group comparisons of the outcome variables, instead choosing to rely only on the statistically-suspect within-group results.

The gene ontology was at least two years obsolete when Lionheart wrote the paper, raising serious questions as to his research capabilities.

The chosen p -value of .115 is unquestionably far too lax for properly measuring statistically significant differences in Auras between twins.

-value of .115 is unquestionably too lax for properly measuring statistically significant differences in Auras between twins. While I am simply loathe to accuse a fellow scientist of plagiarism, I must note that the calculation of the ANOVA in the appendix is rather markedly unlike any of Lionheart’s previous work. The man is not what one would call statistically inclined , and yet now he’s practically a doctor of Bayesian analysis.

to accuse a fellow scientist of plagiarism, I must note that the calculation of the ANOVA in the appendix is rather markedly unlike any of Lionheart’s previous work. The man is not what one would call , and yet now he’s practically a doctor of Bayesian analysis. Though there is still an algebraic error in paragraph 17 that causes the whole model to be uncalibrated.

Incidentally, one of the ethical review committee’s referees is also listed as Headmaster Ozpin of Beacon Academy. I didn’t feel that detail significant enough to include in my report, but that would surely constitute an undeclared conflict-of-interest, would it not?

Humbly Yours,

Arthur Watts

Scroll: arthur.watts@royalacademy/undergrad

[handwritten notes written on the back of the “Speaker Profiles” page for the 17th Annual Royal Symposium on Grimm Studies”]

The challenge, if I am being entirely honest, is not a matter of science but a matter of mindset. We live and breathe every day surrounded by wonders that our more primitive ancestors would have considered godly magic. We use the energies of Dust Crystals to power our homes, we gawk at the monsters caged in the Imperial Grimmoir. To say nothing of the Semblances that are largely wasted but for some flashy entertainment come Vytal.

We have become much better at harvesting this supposed ‘magic’, but our fundamental understanding of it has scarcely improved since the Great War.

Say what you want about the inhumanities the Schnee Dust Company afflicts upon the Faunus, I have nothing but respect for their pursuit of objective scientific inquiry into the properties of Dust. It’s as if, in all the millennia of our history, we needed to wait around until industrial capitalism was conceptualized before we started having a real stake in its understanding.

As I said, it’s a problem of mindset. Flip open a dusty old history book and you’ll see that our grandparents were experimenting with Dust and Auras in ways no Academy today would ever condone, cowards that they are. Because after the Great War and all that abject foppery, it’s as if we traded curiosity for creativity. As if deconstructing the supposed beauty of nature will somehow deaden our souls again.

If I had a budget of perhaps a million lien, a small staff, and a lab free of external meddlers, I’m certain I could advance our understanding of Auras by generations in little more than months. But I suppose I’ll have to keep playing these little games of theirs, waste years getting degrees so they can rest assured seeing that I have a few letters behind my name.

I pray to the Twin Gods that I won’t have to TA any classes.

AW

Dear Signore Geppetto,

I hope this letter finds you in good health. My name is Arthur Watts, currently of the Royal Academy of Atlas, and I am a student of bio-metaphysics, intending to graduate within the month.

I must begin by confessing to a slight impropriety - my undergraduate supervisor shared with me some of the draft notes of her institutional review board’s meeting, and your proposal regarding the grafting of Aura-based consciousness onto synthetic materials was being discussed. Truly a stroke of serendipity that I learned of this (and I say that as a firm disbeliever in coincidence).

Regrettably - as you are likely aware by now - your proposal has been (or will soon be) rejected, on the basis of ethical constraints against indemnifying the human soul, in the archaic parlance of our forefathers. That is truly a tragedy, as the research notes attached to your proposal were probably the boldest acts of scientific inquiry I have witnessed since arriving at the Academy. Seeing such a pursuit of knowledge stifled over such trivial concerns deeply pains me, like hearing a doctor insist the world is flat.

Please forgive the above waste of your time, for it is irrelevant to my purpose for writing. I am requesting to study under your tutelage during the upcoming break between academic years. I am aware that you are currently pursuing a research chair at the Atlas Institute of Technology, and I would be more than willing to relocate there.

While my full academic CV is attached below, I will surmise my qualifications for you now. I am in a dual-track program combining biosciences with pre-med, a program that was created specifically to meet my demands and capabilities. I already have a standing offer to attend the Royal Medical College of Atlas, as well as tenure-track teaching positions in Atlas and Mistral. I have published over a dozen articles on the science of Aura, including in Studies in Aura Metaphysics and the Vale Journal of Semblances. I have surpassed all of my peers in understanding the subatomic particles of Dust and the biomechanics of the Grimm. I am an adept computer programmer, statistician, and am fluent in three dead languages, which I’ve found quite useful for conducting pre-War archival research. I am not worried about getting my hands either dirtied in the shop or bloodied on the surgical table.

And I think you’ll find that I am a charming conversationalist.

I look forward to your response.

Your Obedient Servant,

A. Watts.

Enclosed for your review is the dissertation of Arthur Watts, M.D., supervised by Doctor M. Geppetto, submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements to obtain a doctoral degree from the Atlas Institute of Technology, entitled: “A systematic review of competing epistemological models of Aura metaphysics and their relation to sub-crystalline Dust structures”.

Please have you reviews completed no later than one calendar month prior to the end of academic term.

[file attached: Watts_dissertation_final.DOCU; 891 pages]

To Whom It May Concern,

You have my thanks for the interest your benefactors expressed in Royal Atlas Patent 2,016,132. I must say that, after having spent weeks arguing over the finer details with the patent lawyers, it is a surprising pleasure to correspond with someone actually capable of understanding it.

As you suggested, yes, this patent currently exists only in the theoretical stage, I’ve not made so much as a mock-up of it, unless one counts a few CAD sketches on one’s Scroll. The reasons for my inability to make one are threefold, ranked from most-to-least trivial:

Between being the Kingdom’s (if not the world’s) premiere Aura regenerative surgery specialist, a university professor, and a contracted clinical researcher, I have shockingly little free time. The current understanding of medical ethics prevents me from being able to perform many of the experiments I would require to calibrate the device. Such experiments could legally be performed in Vacuo, or even Menagerie (the distinctions between human and Faunus subjects are irrelevant at this stage), but as per point (1), I have too many present obligations to jaunt off to a desert for a few months. Financials. In addition to the actual cost of running the experiment (estimated at one surgical theater, one fully-supplied research lab, and a team of three support staff), I would require several hundred stone of high-purity Dust, as well as certain rare earth minerals and rather boutique hardware and software. Even if the logistical issues could be resolved such that I could perform the experiments, I do not have the capital on hand to actually finance them.

If you or your patrons would be able to resolve any of those problems (ideally starting from (3) and working down), then these correspondences might actually go somewhere. Until them, I’m afraid I have no choice but to sit on the patent until a corporation with a sufficiently large R&D budget comes sniffing for it.

Yours,

Dr. Arthur Watts

Atlas Command, Grimm Warfare Division, Office of Inter-agency Liaisons,

Thank you for your prompt reply, I do despise correspondences that are like pulling teeth.

More specifically, I am asking for the raw data from last year’s Grimm population censuses of Sections 19, 20 (Western Sub-Command) and 46 and 47 (North-Eastern Sub-Command). I am also requesting all after-action reports (Forms 11-B(c), specifically) for those same sections and times.

The purpose, as you cleverly induced, is to examine ebbs and flows in Grimm attack patterns. I am aware that there are certain ‘conspiracy theorists’ alleging that Grimm attacks are being coordinated by some sort of a central overmind, which quite frankly sounds more like the stuff of worthless speculative fiction. Rest assured I am not looking to propose the existence of an enigmatic x-factor directing the Grimm with some sort of grand strategic version.

My purposes are far more mundane, alas. I believe that there are certain environmental and demographic factors which may predict Grimm encroachments with some degree of statistical significance. I have a few research interns who quite frankly I would like to keep busy (and out of my hair) for the summer.

Once again, please convey to your commanding officers that I have no interest in propagating the so-called ‘Overmind Hypothesis’. That is a simple child’s fantasy, and nothing more.

And please remind General Ironwood that his six-month check-in is two weeks from Tuesday. I am extremely curious to see if we’ve had any luck with the grafting agent.

Sincerely,

Arthur Watts, M.D., PhD.

To be frank, I would not recommend publishing this article in an undergraduate journal in bloody Vacuo, let alone under the masthead of the Journal of Grimmoire Studies. Even were the fundamental premise not abjectly flawed, it is riddled with methodological and grammatical errors, it fails to incorporate any developments made in the field over the past five years (including many by myself), and it is blatantly obvious that the author has never observed a Grimm except in captivity.

But, as I alluded to earlier, the fundamental premise is abjectly flawed. We may quibble over what precisely the definition of consciousness is, or we can stop wasting time with idle philosophy. Whatever it is, Grimm have it. They have demonstrable self-awareness, pattern recognition, the ability to learn, and even rudimentary language processing capabilities. They have unique, individualistic preferences, and are capable of complex, cooperative behavior.

Most importantly, any Huntsmen will tell you that Grimm have theory of mind. They are aware that humans exist, think, and learn, just as they themselves do. Author’s insistence that Grimm are ‘philosophical zombies’ is little more than idle speciesism, unless the author believes humans are also such zombies. Simply because Grimm ‘do not have souls’, as every schoolboy is taught, does not mean that they are devoid of cognition.

Recommendation: Rejection with Prejudice. (Excuse me: “Revise and Resubmit”)

Anonymous Reviewer #2

-----------------BEGIN VGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----------------

HASH: AMA512

I regret to inform you that my preliminary examination has been inconclusive.

The readings tentatively confirmed that neither your nor anyone else’s Aura fields were being used/radiated during the transfiguration process, which would seem to confirm that your shape-shifting is unrelated to any Semblance. To say nothing of the fact that there are no (verifiable) documented instances of Semblances allowing for such a degree of bodily modification.

Would you be willing to visit my clinic, I have several more tests I would like to run in order to further explore the transition. I give you my word as a man of science that your privacy and safety will be assured throughout. (My administrative overseers will hardly be surprised that I skipped a piece of paperwork here or there, you understand).

Curiously Yours.

Doctor W

-----------------BEGIN VGP SIGNATURE-------------------------------

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-----------------END VGP SIGNATURE-----------------------------------

Dear Mrs. Marpole,

My name is Doctor Arthur Watts, and I am a specialist in Aura regenerative surgery at the Imperial Medical Centre of Atlas. We met very briefly while discussing options for your daughter Claire last Monday, though I would understand if you do not remember me, given the stress of the situation.

At the risk of repeating what my colleagues have already stated, the IMCA does not currently have any surgical procedures likely to resuscitate your daughter from her current condition. It brings me no end of shame that the most prestigious medical clinic in our Kingdom - if not all of Remnant - is incapable of treating what is, ultimately, little more than a routine concussive trauma.

That is not to say that you are entirely out of options..

I must stress that what follows is entrusted to you in confidence, for there are some lawerly elements within the hospital’s administration that would frown upon what I am about to write. But I have been developing a theoretical Aura-fusion procedure in correspondence with my former doctoral supervisor, the esteemed Dr. Geppetto, which I believe offers your daughter a greater chance of survival than any other operation.

Regrettably, this procedure cannot be performed at the IMCA, as the prerequisite tests have not yet received approval from our medical ethics panels, to say nothing of trial phases. I am nevertheless quite confident that this procedure - while still theoretical - will succeed when put to a real-life test.

And while the surgery cannot be performed at the IMCA, you are able to exercise your guardianship rights and have your daughter transferred to another medical establishment, one which is not so restrained in what operations it will perform. While I’m aware that the Fort Castle Memorial Hospital in Menagerie is not quite as prestigious as the IMCA, they are also far less recalcitrant about acting on medical breakthroughs.

Should you agree to transfer your daughter to Castle Memorial, I can refer you to associates of mine who will underwrite all the financial burdens such a transfer would entail, including all medical and transportation expenses. They would also be willing to accommodate you in Menagerie for however long your daughter’s post-surgical recuperation will take.

I look forward to hearing your response.

Sincerely Yours,

Arthur Watts, M.D., PhD.

“Ecdysis in juvenile arachnid Faunus — a revised rehabilitation regimen for cuticle moulting.” Watts A. Valean Journal of Faunus Pediatric Medicine, Volume 47, issue 6:127-159.

Abstract:

Complications during ecdysis of exoskeletal shells remains a leading cause of mortality in juvenile arachnid and insecta Faunus. Author proposes a six-stage rehabilitation plan to mitigate apolysis-induced shock, trauma and infection risk. Author reports 1 case where regimen reduced perceived pain experienced and recuperation time in patient experiencing recurring ecdysis.

Mrs. Marpole,

I regret to inform you that the operation was only partially successful, and we were unable to save the life of Claire. While I cannot imagine the anguish such news must cause you, I hope you can take some solace in the fact that your daughter’s death has single-handedly advanced the cause of medical science by years, if not decades.

Due to bio-containment protocols, we will be unable to return Claire’s body to you, as it needs to be incinerated as potentially biohazardous/Dust-contaminated waste. Someone from my staff will have a nice urn couriered to you within the week.

Yours,

Dr. Arthur Watts

Dearest Geppetto,

I’m sorry I’ve been such a terrible correspondent as of late, but dealing with the backlash re: Claire Marpole has been consuming most of my precious time. If it’s any consolation, this whole affair will be over soon. I made use of a backdoor I coded into the AIT’s server infrastructure years ago, and they’ve already decided to exile me, it would appear.

I am immensely envious that your funding is from the Atlesian military and not these blathering academics. As much as I mock the boys and their guns, their sense of ethics is rather reassuringly utilitarian. None of this prancing about, flinching at the whims of public opinion.

I’m afraid it’s doubtful that I’ll be able to join you on Phase II, however, given the current state of affairs. Perhaps I’ll take a long-overdue sabbatical, write a book. Not a textbook, though - Gods know I’ve written enough of those. Something light. (Maybe a collection of fairy tales.)

I do hope to keep in regular correspondence, though my apologies in advance if I am unable to. Do say hello to your charming little rugrat for me, would you?

Yours,

Arthur Watts, M.D., PhD (still)

Statement from Doctor Arthur Watts to the Academic Review Board of the Atlas Institute of Technology:

Dearest Colleagues,

I initially promised myself that I would not engage in this farcical show-trial in any matter, lest my participation somehow legitimize your kangaroo court. Upon hearing from reliable sources that your review is completed, however, I am unable to resist gifting you with one last quantum of the wisdom of Arthur Watts.

I do hope you’ll excuse me delivering this textually rather than verbally, but I’m afraid I have an airship to catch.

I have devoted the entirety of my adult years to advancing mankind’s understanding of the natural world, all for mankind’s ungrateful benefit. I am certain that I need not remind you of the improvements to the Kingdom’s neurosurgery wards I brought with me, nor the wealth my improved Dust refinement techniques have wrought us, nor the safety to those brave Huntsmen my studies of the Grimm have ensured. A weekend’s analysis of Faunus genometrics profiles improved prenatal survival rates by over 10% for mix-species parents on Menagerie.

You have in the past lauded my brilliance, my genius, heralded the trailblazing path that only a true polymath can carve. All while I could easily have quintupled my salary overnight by accepting any number of job offers from the Schnee Dust Company. I have brought this institution fame, prestige, and no small fortune.

And yet, at the faintest whiff of controversy, how quick you cowards are to cast me out like an unwanted leper.

Your actions do not embarrass me, do not humble me, do not disgrace me. It is your timorous hides that will be damned, clogs throwing themselves into the engines of progress. In seeking to reduce me, to mitigate my accomplishments, my triumphs, you have only debased yourselves, clutching at your rules and procedures like a housewife with her pearls.

Progress always comes at a cost, otherwise all progress would already have been made. While my experimental procedure was unsuccessful it was not - as you are so quick to conflate - a failure. We learn even from our missteps, and I have learned immensely from the death of Claire Marpole. You lambast the experiments as unsafe, but there is no surety in science, or else we would have no need for experimentation.

Or have you forgotten that, as well, my dear, former colleagues? It’s so much easier to simply rehash what the giants of generations past discovered for you, isn’t it, rather than risk sticking your own necks out?

Even now, you are attempting to excise me from your memories, sending research assistants to scurry about the campus collecting my tools and my papers. When our grandchildren write the history of these times, they will not smile on your wilful amnesia. You will be the villains of my tale, the bumbling bureaucrats in tweed suits, relics of a bygone era.

My research, lest you be concerned, will continue quite well without you. But whatever privileged relationship we enjoyed is over. Whatever warmth I felt in my heart for the halls of the Atlas Institute of Technology has cooled. You have my solemn oath that I will never again enter the grounds of AIT, but it is you who will suffer the poverty of absence.

Yours,

Arthur

Mister Hazel Rainart,

Thank you most kindly for your continued interest in my patent. And in answer to your last query: no, the Kingdom has not formally done anything yet, though that is mostly a matter of bureaucracy. My medical license remains suspended, however, which is ultimately the only thing that matters, in terms of my ability to obtain grants or employment.

And, yes, my social calendar is quite clear at the moment. May I suggest Scarlatina’s at nine o’clock tonight? Their steaks truly are something exquisite, and I should still be able to arrange a private booth for us.

W