kristen yoonsoo kim

Him: Hey.

Me: Hey. Are you K.?

Him: Yeah that’s right. Why? Disappointed?

Me: Uh, no. Not at all. You’re very attractive.

(pause)

Me: Why? Are people usually disappointed?

Him: Ha. No. Why would they be??

Me: Uh.. I don’t…. Did I sound disappointed?

Him: No, I was just feeling insecure, duh…

Me: Oh okay. Yeah… Duh.

Him: I hope you don’t think I’m going to bottom for you, just because we met up for coffee.

Me: Wait, what?

Him: Coffee is coffee. I want to make that clear.

Me: Okay. I know what coffee is.

Him: I’m not even a bottom. I don’t really bottom that much.

Me: Hey. That’s fine. We’re just grabbing a cup of coffee, like you said.

Him: Fine.

(pause)

Me: Do people frequently think you’re a bottom?

Him: Yeah, and it’s irritating.

Me: Why so?

Him: I want to be more than just that.

Me: Well, most people on Adam4Adam are looking to have sex.

Him: I know. I don’t mind hooking up, if the vibe is right.

Me: I thought you were looking for more than that.

Him: Well… ultimately… but I have to live a life, don’t I?

Me: Okay.

Him: Anyway, I don’t want to come off like some bottom slut.

Me: Cool it, mister. You’re doing fine. Just relax.

(pause)

Me: Also, you shouldn’t list yourself as a bottom on online dating sites, if you don’t want people to think that of you.

Him: But that’s what I like! I like to bottom. I much prefer it.

Me: So, then you’re a bottom.

Him: Stop it! I don’t want people thinking that!!

Me: Jesus. Okay. My bad.

(pause)

Him: Are you disappointed?

Me: No.

Him: I feel like you’re disappointed.

Me: I’m not. It’s just a lot.

Him: Don’t SAY that!! What’s a lot?

Me: All this. I meet up with you for a cup of coffee, and we’re here not more than four minutes, and you’re talking about how you’re a bottom/not a bottom/not to expect you to bottom and wondering if I’m disappointed.

Him: I knew it. You’re disappointed.

Me: I’m not. I’m just a little overwhelmed. Can’t we just hang out and chat for a second like normal people?

Him: Okay. Fine.

(long pause)

Me: So when’s the last time you bottomed?

Him: WHAT?

Me: Sorry. That’s my sense of humor. I thought it would be funny to ask that question, after this totally awkward exchange. I thought it was funny. Sorry.

Him: You shouldn’t be so forward.

Me: To be fair, you brought up bottoming like, two seconds into this conversation, so…

Him: Stop! It’s difficult. Everyone thinks I’m a bottom.

Me: I know. Now I can’t wait until you go to the bathroom.

Him: Why? Txt your friends how disappointed you are?

Me: I’m. Not. Disappointed.

Him: Why do you want me to go to the bathroom, then?

Me: I want to see this bottom that everyone’s going nuts over.

Him: Oh stop it. You’re way too forward.

Me: You’re totally right. I am. I am way too forward.

Him: What are you doing after this?

Me: Some light work at home. Maybe cooking dinner. Why?

Him: I kind of feel like bottoming.

(long pause. we both start laughing)