The Friendzone

Individual attempting to break the effects of SCP-80085

Item #: SCP-80085-J

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: Containment of SCP-80085 can only succeed on an individual basis. The most effective containment measure currently known to the Foundation is proceduere ManUp-129. This procedure is only capable of success when the individual performing it is not living in their parents [DATE EXPUNGED], or complaining about the opposite [DATE EXPUNGED] on the internet. Further restrictions to the use of this procedure are being researched.

Description: SCP-80085 is an anomaly that appears to occur when a person perceives that they have been [DATE EXPUNGED] by a [DATE EXPUNGED] who they have [DATE EXPUNGED]. The anomaly is invisible, and does not appear to be perceived by most outside parties, except for individuals who are also under its effects. Subjects affected by SCP 80085 tend to gravitate towards each other in order to bitchwhinecomplain[DATE EXPUNGED] about their current circumstances. Reports of their interactions indicate this happens because "nobody else understands". Other symptoms exhibited by individuals affected by the anomaly include:

Delusions of one's own worth as a potential romantic partner

Constant failure in romance-based endeavors

Pretending to be the "nice guy/girl" in order to procure [DATE EXPUNGED]

Vocally proclaiming that [DATE EXPUNGED] only dates "assholes" or "bitches".

Constant moping, and the inability to "move on".

Increase dependence on pornographic materials (this has not yet been confirmed to be a symptom of SCP-80085's effects)

Addendum: Requests have been made to change object class from Euclid to Safe. Although its effects are not entirely understood, and the anomaly is not entirely containable, most researchers have agreed that it only seems to affect [DATE EXPUNGED], who could easily break the effects by [DATE EXPUNGED]

Addendum: Any accusations of Tiffany █████████ in HR being the single largest generator of SCP-80085 are to be ignored.

Interviewed: Steve ██████, Research Assistant to Dr. █████████

Interviewer: Dr. █████████

Foreword: This interview was conducted after Steve was overheard complaining about SCP-80085 by several Foundation personnel to a test subject known to be under the effects of SCP-80085.

<Begin Log>

Dr. █████████: Steve, when did you find out about SCP-80085?

Steve: There is no such SCP! It's not an "anomaly", it's just something that happens to us nice guys all the time!

Dr. █████████: We have confirmed that it is in fact an actual SCP, as no sane individual should have these kind of reactions towards [DATE EXPUNGED]

Steve: You don't understand!

Dr. █████████: Okay, you know what? I'm going to make this quick and painless, and ask you the only thing I really want to know.

Steve: What's that?

Dr. █████████: Why did you change all instances of "redacted" and "data expunged" to "date expunged" in SCP -0085's file?

Steve: Because, that's like, the story of my life!

Dr. █████████: You're an idiot.

<End Log>

Closing Statement: No reprimand deemed necessary, as Steve's current status of being a huge pussyloserwhiner[DATE EXPUNGED] is to be considered punishment enough.