SCP-3163

Item #: SCP-3163

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3163 is to be kept in a secure Site-19 storage locker. On the first of every month, the full text of SCP-3163 is to be recorded and correlated with current astronomical and meteorological data, as observed from central Pennsylvania. SCP-3163 is to be monitored on a daily basis for unexpected edits or updates, and any such deviations are to be appended to its monthly record.

Description: SCP-3163 is a hardbound book, entitled "GLATTFELDER’S NEW NORTHTON ALMANACK." SCP-3163 displays significant signs of wear and use, the most prominent of which are overlapping stains on the rear cover, identified as coffee, beer, and blood. While the anomalous nature of SCP-3163 precludes precise dating of its year of publication, chemical and historical analyses of the book indicate that SCP-3163 was manufactured in late-nineteenth or early-twentieth century America.

The interior and cover texts of SCP-3163 are mutable, though they consistently maintain the semantic structure of a farmer’s almanac. The interior text updates itself on the first day of the month, and while the title text itself never changes, the year indicated by the subheading increments by one every January 1st. As of 01/01/2017, the subheading reads "TRUE AND USEFUL PREDICTIONS FOR THE YEAR OF OUR LORDE’S ASCENSION, TWO-HUNDRED AND NINETY-FOUR."

The first page of SCP-3163 takes the form of a short message, addressed to "My Dearest Acolytes and Friends" and signed by "Henry Ian Glattfelder." There are no records of a Henry Ian Glattfelder residing in the United States of America, living or deceased. The text of the message, reproduced in full in Research Log 3163-A, has remained constant through each update. The text of the message was observed to change into its current configuration on 09/01/2017. Research Log 3163-A has been updated to reflect this anomaly.

There are no records of a town or county named New Northton in the United States of America, though astronomical and meteorological predictions within SCP-3163 indicate that New Northton should be located in central Pennsylvania. However, while the timing of real-world eclipses, planetary transits, and lunar cycles are consistent with the text of SCP-3163, the item contains additional references to "Nix, the Void-Star of Our Lorde." According to SCP-3163, Nix should occupy a solar orbit between Saturn and Uranus. No such object has been detected by historical or modern astronomical surveys.

Though the monthly horoscopes given by SCP-3163 usually offer the mundane platitudes and suggestions typical of the genre, some unusual entries have been noted. A sample of such entries is listed below, in Research Log 3163-B.

As of 09/25/2017, Foundation astronomers and meteorologists have pinpointed the hypothetical location of New Northton to within a 3000 square kilometer area. Mobile Task Force █ is prepped to explore this area and, if possible, infiltrate New Northton in late October, 2017.

Following loss of contact with Mobile Task Force █, Mobile Task Force ███ is to be deployed for reconnaissance and armed intervention to the coordinates provided by Mobile Task Force █ prior to their disappearance.

Following loss of contact with Mobile Task Force ███, the O5 Council initiated Protocol Tipsy Eagle. The United States Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives has been alerted through back-channels to the presence of large weapon stockpiles in the suspected area of New Northton, and Mobile Task Force ██ will be deployed for non-combat cleanup operations following Federal intervention.

+ Research Log 3163-A: Introductory text - Research Log 3163-A: Introductory text Introductory text of SCP-3163, pre-09/01/2017 My Dearest Acolytes and Friends, As the Lorde of Nocturne did bestowe the Wisdome of Ages unto Me, so too do I bestowe unto You, Citizens of New Northton, this modest Almanack. The astronomical Calculations and Predictions contained herein shall aid You in the Upkeep of your Farms, ensure the Prosperity of your Shoppes, and guide You in the Businesses of Family, Commerce, and Worship. Those who have kept the Faithe of Our Lorde of Nocturne alive and well into the Modern Worlde are, indeed, blessèd in His Sight. Good Citizens of New Northton, my Friends and Students in the Way of Our Lorde, I beseech You to hold that Faithe dear in your Hearts, for then surely You will prosper and flourish in the World that is to come. Though we know not the Daye of His Arrival, the Void-Star grows ever brighter Night after Night, a sure Sign of His burgeoning Immanence. Praise Him, Worship Him, and guide your Neighbors in such Activities befitting of His Glory. With the aide of this holy Book, whose Text is inspired in Me direct from the Light of the Void-Star, New Northton has been a prosperous Township since its Founding in the First Year of Our Lorde. As we are now a goode and respectable Beacon of Faithe on this blasphemous Earth, we shall be raised unto the Greatest Glory of Our Lorde when he returns from the deepest Reaches of the Void. Truly, as His Children, we are the most fortunate little Towne in all of America. Your Neighbor, your Mayor, and your highest Priest of the Lorde of Nocturne,

Henry Ian Glattfelder Updated introductory text of SCP-3163, as of 09/01/2017 My Dearest Acolytes and Friends, Catastrophie has befallen our Towne! The Lorde of Nocturne, in His great Wisdome, has informed Me that there is a most dastardly Spye with a Copy of our holy Almanack. The wretched and blasphemous "Special Containment Procedures Foundation" is even now reading the Wordes that I am transcribing onto these humble pages, and their foul Plots and Schemes are a most grievous Insult to the Prosperity and Happiness of you, the blessèd Citizens of New Northton. To you, my devoted and loving Acolytes, take heed! The United States of America, though ignorant of the Will of our Lorde, has seen fit to enshrine the Right of Arms unto us all. It is time to take Advantage of that Right, and prepare to fight Tooth and Naile when the Heretics arrive to stamp out the Faithe of Our Lorde of Nocturne. Do not fear! Blessèd under the Holy Light of Nix, the Void-Star vun Haerrnacht, we shall be as the great Founders of our Towne, who drove off the Heathen Indians from our land with our fierce Resistance. And to you, creatures of Blasphemy who spye upon our modest Worship, I give you this warning: Do not meddle with the Affairs of the humble Towne of New Northton, for we will fight to the last Man, Woman, and Child to defend the Faithe of our Lorde of Nocturne. We shall not surrender, we shall give no Quarter, and will shall show no Mercy. Your Bloode will stain the Black Altar of our Lorde, granting us even more Strength! If you know what is goode for You, stay away! Your Neighbor, your Mayor, and your highest Priest of the Lorde of Nocturne,

Henry Ian Glattfelder