The Viking XL lift system is a real medical product designed by Liko to help lift people who can't lift themselves. It can support up to 660lbs and If I'm chuckling I assure you it's only because if I wasn't I'd be crying. And I'm not just saying that because Gilbert Grape used to charge the neighborhood kids to peek in the window at his overweight mother, but you know that affected you too. Gotdamn that was some sad shit aside, does anybody else feel like they need one of these to get out of the bed in the morning? Because I feel like I need two. Just for my balls.

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Thanks to Bodelishus, whose genitals require four Viking XXL lift systems plus one of those chairs that goes up and down the stairs just to make it to breakfast in the morning.