Ready to cross into 30 with enthusiasm on “Kimmy Has a Birthday,” Kimmy procures a large amount of booze and plans a party to bring in 30 correctly. Amen, girl. Amen.

But on her way home from her booze excursion, she and Titus see company waiting on their door stoop. It’s her step-father and half-sister with a birthday present for her. She is less than thrilled, sending them away.

Kimmy explains to Titus that Randy Peterson, her step-father, was the detective on the case when Kimmy went missing. He did a horrible job finding her, but met her mother during the search and married her. They had a daughter together, Kymmi, but then her mother disappeared again.

We find out that Kymmi (Kiernan Shipka, Mad Men) resents Kimmy, since her parents have sheltered her beyond normal because of Kimmy’s kidnapping years ago. You can’t help but feel sorry for Kymmi, though. She just wants to go out with her friends to Olive Garden.

And yes, that does get confusing when you hear the characters on screen using those names back and forth.

Meanwhile, Titus has forgotten to get Kimmy a birthday gift, so he decides to write Kimmy a song. But he ends up getting distracted by “torso”, an attractive (hopefully) monster at his job, and he invites him to Kimmy’s party. However, the torso ends up being Titus’ ex and causing drama at the party. The party starts to quickly head downhill, and then Randy shows back up with Kymmi, having forgotten where he parked his car.

Really, this guy is a disaster.

Kymmi sees the already unraveling chaos at the party as the perfect distraction, and escapes from the party through the bathroom window.

Between the fight Titus has with his ex, and Kymmi getting so angry that she runs away, Kimmy’s party is turning out to be a disaster. Then Dong, and Kimmy’s new boyfriend Logan, start fighting over Kimmy after Dong confesses his feelings for her. Logan throws Dong into the wall, and Kimmy snaps….kicking everyone out.

After the disaster of a party, Titus comforts Kimmy by singing her his birthday gift. (It’s ‘Firework’ by Katy Perry…as he realizes Kimmy doesn’t know any modern songs and won’t know it’s not original.)

Kimmy is an adult now, and had a very real adult party. We’ve all been there, and being an adult can be messy — especially when booze, relationships, and family are involved.

Randy shows back up after not being able to find Kymmi (which is probably the worst search ever) and admits he’s a real screw-up, but he tries his hardest. Kimmy finds Kymmi at the Olive Garden, of course. They all have a very sweet reunion, where they dine “family style” for the first time.

It may not be the family Kimmy thought we would have, but it is something.

Favorite Quotes:

Titus: Thirty. Oooooo, that’s a big one. Thirty is when women go all baby crazy and starting making lists all of everything they haven’t done. ‘I haven’t been to Africa yet.’ Girl, you are not going to Africa.

Titus: What is wrong with you, Kimbacil?

Kimmy: Tonight is more than just a party now, Titus.

Titus: That is my favorite sentence ever.

Kimmy: Stop! Hammertime.

Lillian: You know high heels were invented by a man, Kimmy, because women never invented anything.

Titus: What is this (playlist)? Vanilla Ice? Hootie? Hanson?! Mmmm no no no no. Mmmm no.

Kimmy: I’m sorry, Titus. I don’t know Hanson’s current hits!

Titus: You are no OJ Simpson, ’cause you did it.

Kimmy: Being an adult is terrible.

Randy: I love you almost as much as I love heroin.

What did you think of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 1 Episode 9? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is available for streaming on Netflix.