Tories far more excited about a union defending their right to offend people, than a union defending the right to be safe at work

All unions should be left powerless and broken, unless they are specifically defending your right to offend people, according to leading Tories this afternoon.

After Toby Young launched the Free Speech Union, his supporters have been quick to point out that this not a real union, and he would still struggle to give less of a shit about workers’ rights.

A spokesperson for the FSU explained, “We are a company, one that charges fees – we just used the word ‘Union’ because it’s easier to ask for money if we imply we’ll behave like a union. But yes, we are here to defend those who can not defend themselves.

“No, I don’t mean minimum wage workers being exploited by capitalist profit centres, or low-skilled workers keen to avoid working environments harmful to their health; I mean the real victims in society – those who want to be free to call transexuals ‘perverts’ and blame Muslims for everything going wrong in their lives – those are society’s true victims.”

Twitter users who spend their days going out of their way to offend people and who barely go three tweets without using the word ‘snowflake’ have been quick to sign up to the FSU in the hope it will support their desire to continue being awful.

New member Simon Williams told us, “If your union is there so you can safely pile on to vulnerable people trying to make their way in the world, then I could not be more supportive and will sign up in a flash – but if your union is there to ensure you get a decent wage for a decent days work, then it should die in a fire.

“I can say it should die in a fire because ‘free speech’, obviously.”