It's like, we can barely get excited about Heidi and Lauren being friends again.

John McCain and Sarah Palin declined personal invitations from Oliver Stone to the Ziegfeld premiere of W., even though they’re staying right across the street from the theater. Also, McCain asked for a TelePrompTer for his supposed-to-be-funny fifteen-minute speech at tomorrow’s Al Smith dinner in New York (with guests like Hillary, Bloomberg, and Kissinger), but Obama didn’t. Janet Jackson is canceling or postponing a bunch of shows, including tomorrow’s MSG show, and nobody knows why — but some people say it’s because the show is too much strain on her (she’s 42). John Kerry left wife Teresa Heinz at the table at a restaurant (we think it was the Four Seasons) and worked the room like he was running for office, introducing himself to Rudy and Judith Giuliani.

Cindy Adams says that Peter Cook came to Barbara Walters for that interview, not vice versa. Cindy also has a wealth of celebrity toilet trivia, like Hugh Grant, Al Pacino, Chris Tucker, and Nicole Kidman all cleaned toilets once, and Julia Roberts (says she) shops for her own toilet paper. Madonna tells haters of her weakly reviewed movie they can go eff themselves, and also that it’s fitting the film is showing in the East Village, because “that’s where my struggle began many years ago.” Ringo Starr is going to start trashing fan mail and is also tired of autographing photos.

Brad Pitt recuperated from his exhausting photo shoot of Angelina in W by eating dim sum with two friends at Shun Lee West Cafe. Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer were at La Esquina and seem to be back together because they were also seen kissing at LAX. Ray Kelly felt weird when he ran into Barbara Walters, because he’d just read her memoir on his Kindle and felt like he knew too much about her. NBC Sports and Olympics chief Dick Ebersol supposedly wants to succeed Bud Selig as commish of Major League Baseball. HBO Films’ main cat, Colin Callender, who just won a record-breaking thirteen Emmys, will leave and start another entertainment venture. Woody Johnson, the Band-Aid heir, accidentally called his ex-girlfriend on his cell while his current girlfriend was giving birth, and the ex heard the whole thing.