The last time that I attended a Miami Dolphins game was back in 2009 for the first round of the NFL Playoffs, when Baltimore defeated Miami 27-9 at whatever the hell the Dolphins called that stadium back then. I don’t remember much about the game other than I was absolutely terrified when a brawl broke out between two rows of guys throwing up gang signs, with little, old me sitting right in between them. Naturally, when my fellow Dolphins fans try to pretend that they’re any better than New York Jets fans, I just bring up that story, because we all suck equally.

But the TC Palms has a story this week that goes one step further, as 22-year old Dolphins fan Joshua Grayson was arrested on August 30 after he allegedly beat the crap out of his Jets fan friend when they argued over which team is worse.

Grayson started using harsh language, and said the victim pushed him. Grayson said when he went to push the victim back, the victim punched him in the eye. Grayson said he hit the victim about 15 times in the face and threw him head first on the concrete driveway. At one point the victim partially fell face first in a recycling bin of glass bottles, which shattered. Grayson said the victim then rode away on a bicycle.

Of course, the victim told a much different story that didn’t make him seem like a rag doll.

Meanwhile, the victim said Grayson is his best friend. He said that about 2 a.m. Grayson started arguing with his girlfriend. The victim yelled at Grayson for fueding with his girlfriend, and the victim and Grayson hit each other. The victim said he left, and went to a friend’s home nearby. He said Grayson showed up about 4 a.m. with two other people. He said Grayson and another person approached with PVC pipes, and he was hit several times.

Obviously, the victim wants us to know that he didn’t go down without a fight and it took more than just some stupid Dolphins fan to beat his ass. It took three guys, and they had, um, pipes… yeah, pipes! PVC pipes! Which are plastic but still totally hurt, okay?

But get ready, because Grayson has the money quote to drive home just how much of a badass he really is.