The Adventures of Cashboy: Episode 3 - Revenge of the Cashboy

I’m doing the rest of this in text rather than screenshots because it’s easier to read and quicker to do.

Anyway, here’s where we left things last time.

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From: Cashboy87 Yahya

Date: 10 October 2014 at 15:27

To: Thomas Hind

Bro i’m telling you to write a song and you repeating what i was saying … okey no problem bro i think you don’t need money no problem i’m going to find a real song righter

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From: Thomas Hind

Date: 10 October 2014 at 15:34

To: Cashboy87 Yahya

I’m always serious. They don’t call me Mr Serious for nothing. They don’t do it at all to be honest, but they certainly wouldn’t for nothing. Most people demand a fee.

But I understand what bars mean. I was in one the other day but then I got kicked out because I wouldn’t stop singing Don’t Stop Me Now. Which is ironic because…well you know why.

I thought you wanted me to use your lyrics that you wrote because you were like “So it’s got to be like that” and “like I told” and “just work on the thing I told you” and then you wrote the lyrics. But I get it now. I’ve written a new song in the meantime which I think do what you say and/or say what you mean. It’s definitely more Kanye/Diddy style.

The songs called “You Can’t Tell Me Nothing Big Homie”.



Thanks,

Thomas

P.S You didn’t mean like chocolate bars did you? Cos that would be confusing. I also don’t have 41 chocolate bars, I only have 37 and they’re mine and you can’t have them.

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Some of the more eagle-eyed of you will have spotted that I actually sent him this same song earlier on. He did not appreciate it.

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From: Cashboy87 Yahya

Date: 10 October 2014 at 15:40

To: Thomas Hind

Bro i’m dead serious and you joking but no problem im here trying to make millions so that meanspeople that work with me they gonna have ROI

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From: Thomas Hind

Date: 10 October 2014 at 16:33

To: Cashboy87 Yahya

Whoa there cowboy. I’m not joking. I’m looking forward to getting this ROI thing as much as the next guy. These millions sound pretty dandy as well, whether it’s money or the sweets. Just let me know what you want in as clear a way as possible so there’s no possible misunderstanding or Miss Understandings and we’ll get it sorted.

Thanks,

Thomas

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ROI is obviously Return on Investment but he doesn’t have to know I know that and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know either.

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From: Cashboy87 Yahya

Date: 10 October 2014 at 16:39

To: Thomas Hind

Okey wirte a song that talk about someone who have a hard life and he have no father and he have a lot of haters a round him and he trying to be positif and use please like fucking or fuck or motherfuckers or bitch or something like that you know the hip hop bro

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From: Thomas Hind

Date: 10 October 2014 at 16:55

To: Cashboy87 Yahya

Ok but first let’s talk ROI. Firstly, what does it mean? Currently I’m working on three theories of possible meanings:

1. Run Or Investigate - means you are some sort of detective or athlete

2. Rum On Instagram - I don’t even like or use Instagram so I hope it’s not that

3. Ringo Of India - A rather bizarre reference to the drummer of an Indian Beatles cover band which I don’t understand or appreciate.

I have other ideas too but these are the main ones I’m working off. If you could let me know what you mean by it, that’d be great and would definitely go a long way to clearing up some of this confusion.

Thanks,

Thomas

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From: Cashboy87 Yahya

Date: 10 October 2014 at 16:58

To: Thomas Hind

that mean’s if the song is good youre and if the fans like it youre gonna get your profit (money)

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Well that cleared up precisely nothing



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From: Thomas Hind

Date: 10 October 2014 at 17:00

To: Cashboy87 Yahya

I dunno about that. None of those words began with “R” or “O” and I get the feeling it was an acronym

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From: Cashboy87 Yahya

Date: 10 October 2014 at 17:22

To: Thomas Hind

I just told you what it is bro please i got to record the song so please let’s work on it

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I think I touched a nerve

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From: Thomas Hind

Date: 10 October 2014 at 17:25

To: Cashboy87 Yahya

Ok, I’ll get to work on it, but in the meantime you clearly need to google ROI. You wanted a song about bars right?

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From: Cashboy87 Yahya

Date: 10 October 2014 at 17:27

To: Thomas Hind

I just told you what i want i want you to write a song that talk about somebody that have problems and don’t have a father and thre is a lot haters around him and he trying to be positif



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With this clear and vivid artistic direction I got to work

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From: Cashboy87 Yahya

Date: 13 October 2014 at 19:30

To: Thomas Hind

wassup bro , so you finish the thing?

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From: Thomas Hind

Date: 17 October 2014 at 18:00

To: Cashboy87 Yahya

Hey man,

I’ve been hard at work for the past week writing and recording a song that will BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF! LIKE CLEAN OFF YOUR SHOULDERS! LIKE AN RPG JUST HIT YOU IN THE HEAD!

But anyway, here it is. I did like you asked and made the lyrics about “fuck bitches and hoes etc” and I think you’ll love it.

Thanks,

Thomas

Lyrics:

Fuck bitches and hoes

I can’t use them to mow

The unruly mess that is my front lawn

Female dogs and tools for weed control

Won’t help me reach my ultimate goal

And as such can’t be relied upon

I just don’t have the knowledge

Cos I didn’t go to garden college

And now I need some advice

On what to do with my scythes

Can anyone give me some hope

Because I just don’t know

What to do with my bitches and hoes

Oooohhoooowoooooooo

Kanye West, P Diddy in da house

And in the garden shed also

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He did not appreciate my effort or my talents and they were met with solid silence. Maybe you will if you listen here



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From: Thomas Hind

Date: 22 October 2014 at 13:30

To: Cashboy87 Yahya

Bro, did you listen to the song, bro? Did you like it, bro?

———-

From: Thomas Hind

Date: 24 October 2014 at 14:10

To: Cashboy87 Yahya

You there bro?

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He wasn’t :’(

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From: Thomas Hind

Date: 18 November 2014 at 22:11

To: Cashboy87 Yahya

Hey man,

I’ve got an idea! Why don’t you send me some lyrics and then I’ll write a song to it and then we’ll make millions and we’ll both get our ROI! Sounds like a plan right?

Your manbro,

Thomas

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Would this be enough to tempt him out of his cyberspace hibernation?



Yes. Yes it would.

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From: Cashboy87 Yahya

Date: 19 November 2014 at 14:36

To: Thomas Hind

Forget all that music talk i have a plan if you want to make some money so let me know if you want

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From: Thomas Hind

Date: 19 November 2014 at 14:41

To: Cashboy87 Yahya

So long as it doesn’t involve giving or receiving bodily fluids, I’m in.

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From: Thomas Hind

Date: 19 November 2014 at 14:42

To: Cashboy87 Yahya

Who am I kidding? Even if it does include that I’m still in.

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From: Cashboy87 Yahya

Date: 19 November 2014 at 14:45

To: Thomas Hind

So you want it or no?

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From: Thomas Hind

Date: 19 November 2014 at 14:45

To: Cashboy87 Yahya

More than anything in the world.

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It’s sad that that was true.

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From: Cashboy87 Yahya

Date: 19 November 2014 at 15:02

To: Thomas Hind

Okey first of all tell me your full name your age etc

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From: Thomas Hind

Date: 19 November 2014 at 15:03

To: Cashboy87 Yahya

My name is Kanye P West Diddy and I’m 71 etc. I live in a shoe and have problems with telling the truth.

Why do you want my name and age etc?

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I was very suspicious and I’m pretty sure if I gave him my name (even though he already had it in the email) he would use it for nefarious reasons.

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From: Cashboy87 Yahya

Date: 19 November 2014 at 15:24

To: Thomas Hind

Okey when youre gonna be serious and talk business let me know bye.

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From: Thomas Hind

Date: 19 November 2014 at 15:29

To: Cashboy87 Yahya

Ok

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Less than 1 hour later…

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From: Thomas Hind

Date: 19 November 2014 at 16:14

To: Cashboy87 Yahya

I’m ready to be serious and talk business now. What’s the plan?

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From: Cashboy87 Yahya

Date: 20 November 2014 at 10:29

To: Thomas Hind

Okey tell me your name and your age etc…

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From: Thomas Hind

Date: 20 November 2014 at 14:40

To: Cashboy87 Yahya

You gotta tell me the plan first

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From: Cashboy87 Yahya

Date: 20 November 2014 at 14:47

To: Thomas Hind

The plan is about investing in real estate and gold and legal Marihuana

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That, I discovered, was the line and I noped out of there. It was too funny and I literally couldn’t type a response through laughter.



And that’s the end of the Adventures of Cashboy! Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did and maybe one day we’ll learn what the mysterious substance known only as “Marihuana” really is.

