******************************************************************************* * EXCLUSIVE SCRIPT FOR THE CURSE OF MONKEY ISLAND * * (Version 1.2) * * * * Author: Deborah L. Kearns * * E-mail: angeldeb82@hotmail.com * ******************************************************************************* Copyright © 2010 by Deborah L. Kearns The Curse of Monkey Island is a trademark of LucasArts. The Curse of Monkey Island: Copyright © 1997 by LucasArts. ===DISCLAIMER=== This scripted document is intended ONLY for private home use and may not be reproduced through electronic or commercial means without the expressed consent of the author (Deborah L. Kearns). It cannot be hosted, edited, or distributed for profit and may not be given away as an add-in/gift to bought items, and it should not be claimed as your own. All rights are reserved to respective parties, even those not explicitly stated herein. Thank you for reading this, and thank you for respecting FAQ authors. *WARNING: THIS SCRIPT CONTAINS SPOILERS AHEAD FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T PLAYED THE GAME OR BEATEN IT, SO READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! THE SCRIPT WILL BE MORE ENJOYABLE TO BE READ IF YOU HAVE FINISHED THE GAME AT LEAST ONCE! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!* TABLE OF CONTENTS 1. Introduction 2. Cast of Characters 3. Script 3.1. DISC 1 GAME SCRIPT 3.1a. Intro 3.1b. Part I: The Demise of the Zombie Pirate LeChuck 3.1c. Part II: The Curse Gets Worse 3.2. DISC 2 GAME SCRIPT 3.2a. Intermission 3.2b. Part III: Three Sheets to the Wind 3.2c. Part IV: The Bartender, the Thieves, His Aunt, and Her Lover 3.2d. Part V: Kiss of the Spider Monkey 3.2e. Part VI: Guybrush Kicks Butt Once Again 3.2f. End Credits 3.3. SCRIPT MISCELLANY 4. Version History 5. Thanks # 1. Introduction # Hello to those of you who are familiar with the Monkey Island series, especially to those of you who are familiar with this game and yet wanted to know the script for it. As you may know, "The Curse of Monkey Island" is the third game in the Monkey Island series, which followed the success of the previous two games: "The Secret of Monkey Island" and "Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge". This game, released on October 31, 1997, is the twelfth and last LucasArts™ game to use the SCUMM engine that was extensively upgraded for its last outing (the engine would be replaced by the GrimE engine for the next game in the series, "Escape from Monkey Island", which was the only Monkey Island game supported by that engine). However, "Curse" has two very unusual things: 1. it has a more cartoon-ish graphic style than the earlier Monkey Island games; and 2. it is the first Monkey Island game to feature pretty good voice acting, with Dominic Armato (then 20 years old) as the main character Guybrush Threepwood, British actress Alexandra Boyd as Elaine Marley, and Earl Boen (then about fifty-something years old) as the undead pirate LeChuck. There are also many other voice actors in this game, most of whom are still living today, though some are deceased; among the latter are guest stars Mary Kay Bergman (voice actress for many TV shows, including "South Park"), Glenn Quinn (actor for nine episodes of the "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" spin-off, "Angel"), and, more recently, Gary Coleman (former child actor for the classic TV sitcom, "Diff'rent Strokes"). Anyway, it is with my gratitude to the game itself, after almost 13 years, that I now write this plain-text script for "The Curse of Monkey Island". So far, GameFAQs contributor HRahman had already written the game script for The Secret of Monkey Island, but so far no game scripts have been written for other Monkey Island games (though I had most recently written and uploaded the game scripts for all five chapters of the episodic "Tales of Monkey Island" in GameFAQs' Formatted FAQ text markup, which is pretty cool, IMO). Anywho, "Curse", like "The Secret of Monkey Island" and, more recently, "Tales of Monkey Island", has quite a loose gameflow, so your storyline may vary from what's listed here, according to HRahman. Due to the overwhelming amount of choices and story paths, I may put ONLY ONE kind of flow that makes the whole story, while the rest of the scripts may be explored by yourself. To tell you the truth, I don't really have THAT much of a free time, and I may or may not figure out a way to chart out the all-confusing SCUMM story system to make it an easy read. Sorry! Anyway, this script that I'm about to write may only be for the Mega-Monkey difficulty level of the game (in the final version, that is), so, like I said, this game script will be more enjoyable to be read once you have finished playing the game. Be mindful that the game is quite rare and very hard to come by, so you may have to buy it on Amazon.com or eBay. Believe me, the game will be quite useful if you have the ScummVM emulator (which can be downloaded for free on its website if you have Windows XP or Windows 7, and especially if you have Macintosh and Mac OS computers, as the game was never officially released for that platform, leaving a gap in the series between "Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge" and "Escape from Monkey Island"). Oh, BTW, this is also a correction of the text errors from the earlier version of the game, which is downgraded from its final version and playable on the updated version of ScummVM, with the text and its accented marks and symbols based on the final version (thanks to YouTube fan Omgarrett for recording and uploading the video clips of the game pre-ScummVM upgrade) and the voices that fit said text. Anyway, I hope you will enjoy the script, so read it at your own risk. # 2. Cast of Characters # Guybrush Ulysses Threepwood: Main character and protagonist of the Monkey Island series, often described as a plucky, yet stupid, goofy and incompetent pirate, treasure hunter and swashbuckler, with an almost supernatural ability to hold his breath underwater for ten minutes (what happens after these ten minutes are up depends on which Monkey Island game you play; in "The Secret of Monkey Island" he can drown, but in "LeChuck's Revenge", "Escape from Monkey Island" (first time only) and "Tales of Monkey Island" he can quickly surface to the top, though I'm not sure if he can also surface to the top in this game). Guybrush first discovered the love of his life, Governor Elaine Marley, in her mansion while he was out to steal an idol in one of his three trials. Unfortunately, the ghost pirate LeChuck was also pining for her, and captured her, and Guybrush was determined to rescue her (unaware that she had plans to foil the ghost pirate and escape while protecting herself from harm); eventually he ended up having to destroy LeChuck in spite of the injuries inflicted on him, and became a fearsome pirate himself on a new adventure to find the legendary treasure of Big Whoop while breaking up with Elaine. However, he unfortunately stumbled into LeChuck's former henchman Largo LaGrande, who stole LeChuck's beard (Guybrush's only proof of the ghost pirate's defeat) and used it to resurrect LeChuck as an undead zombie pirate. Guybrush somehow managed to find Big Whoop on Dinky Island and defeat LeChuck yet again, but ended up being hypnotized into believing that LeChuck was his brother. Now about three months have passed, and Guybrush, who has somehow overcome LeChuck's hypnosis spell, returns to stop LeChuck once again and find Elaine (and, heck, even marry her). Guybrush is voiced by Dominic Armato. Elaine Marley: Governor of the Tri-Island Area and Guybrush's love interest. She is often constantly getting stalked by undead pirate LeChuck, who would go at lengths to make her his demon bride, but she spurns his advances. She is consistently getting captured by LeChuck, prompting Guybrush to attempt her rescue, although she's more capable of escaping predicaments by herself. By the start of the game she is caught up in a battle between Plunder Island and LeChuck and is waiting for Guybrush to arrive and save her, and possibly even marry her (!). Elaine is voiced by British actress Alexandra Boyd. LeChuck: Undead pirate and main antagonist of the series. Although he is intelligent, he displays a ruthless and sadistic disposition, with little regard for human life, often dabbling in the dark arts of voodoo and being driven by a megalomaniacal desire for powers of voodoo and his love for Governor Elaine Marley, frequently attempting to make her his demon bride. His first attempt was foiled when Guybrush attempted to rescue her and eventually ended up dousing LeChuck's ghostly form with voodoo root beer. Reincarnated as a zombie, he tried taking revenge on Guybrush. Although LeChuck was defeated once again, he somehow managed to hypnotize Guybrush into believing that they were both brothers in the Carnival of the Damned, eventually succeeding in indisposing him. By the start of the game, LeChuck is attempting to make Elaine his undead bride, making an attack on Plunder Island in an attempt to do so. He is voiced by Earl Boen. Voodoo Lady: Voodoo priestess and proprietor of the voodoo shop chain International House of Mojo, often helping out Guybrush from time to time. She now sets up another shop in a ship half-sunk in a swamp on Plunder Island and spends her time playing with "the Voodoo Kids". Sometimes when she is confronted and being asked for her name, she would often say that it's not important, although she later admits that names has power. She is voiced by Leilani Jones-Wilmore. Smilin' Stan S. Stanman: A fast-talking, fast-moving salesman who always waves his arms when he speaks, often referring to Guybrush as "kid" or "kiddo". Stan first appeared as a used boat salesman whom Guybrush swindled out of a ship used to sail to Monkey Island. When Stan next tried to sell LeChuck a ship, the latter responded with a punch to Stan's face across the Caribbean. Stan eventually ended up on Booty Island, where he became the proprietor of "Stan's Previously-Owned Restaurant Supplies" and of the "Previously Owned Coffins" shop. Guybrush showed up again and convinced him to lie down in one of his own coffins as to prove that it had breathing room, thereby trapping him inside it for about three months. By the start of this game, Stan has ended up in the common crypt, often feasting on the remains of a previous corpse while awaiting rescue. Stan is voiced by Patrick Pinney. Murray: A demonic talking skull who boasts of taking over the world with his megalomania, and does nothing but talk and hop around, trying to talk Guybrush into joining him in his "evil" line of work. Murray is voiced by Denny Delk. Wally B. Feed: Also known as Bloodnose the Pirate. Wally had been captured by LeChuck's forces over the Big Whoop map in the previous Monkey Island game, LeChuck's Revenge. Guybrush attempted to escape the fortress with him, but they ended up in a room full of dynamite, which blew Guybrush into Dinky Island, and Wally ended up being a member of LeChuck's crew. He now refers to himself as Bloodnose the Pirate and is given a task to guard Guybrush once the latter is caught. Wally is voiced by Neil Ross. Captain René Rottingham: A ruthless pirate who is extremely proud of his hair, and, in his own words, "the most cunning and well-groomed captain ever to sail the Caribbean." Rottingham is introduced at The Barbery Coast barbershop owned by the pirates Haggis McMutton, Cutthroat Bill, and Edward Van Helgen, in which Guybrush is given a task to give Rottingham a haircut if he wants to speak to Haggis. (Weird that in the earlier version in ScummVM, Rottingham's first name is mislabelled as "Renee", which sounds more like a girlish name, if you ask me. :P) Rottingham is voiced by Tom Kane. Haggis McMutton: A pirate barber, whose given name is Heart Liver and Kidneys Boiled in the Stomach of the Animal McMutton. He was originally from Scotland, and now works at The Barbery Coast in Puerto Pollo as a barber, together with Cutthroat Bill and Edward Van Helgen. Haggis is voiced by Alan Young. Edward Van Helgen: Another pirate barber, whose pet name is Snugglecakes. He works on The Barbery Coast with Haggis McMutton and Cutthroat Bill. Van Helgen is quite skilled at banjo-playing and can often play a furious solo if challenged. His name is an allusion to famous metal guitarist Eddie Van Halen. Also, notice how his name is mislabelled as "VanHelgen" without a space in the earlier version of the game in ScummVM? Anyway, Van Helgen is voiced by Michael Sorich. Cutthroat Bill: Yet another pirate barber, who is often short and appears fixated on gold. He seems to have a fondness for jawbreakers, and works at The Barbery Coast in Puerto Pollo with Haggis McMutton and Edward Van Helgen. Bill is voiced by Gregg Berger. Slappy Cromwell: Actor in the stage production of "'SPEARE! A theatrical medley" in the Long John Silver Center for the Performing Arts in Puerto Pollo. In his own words, "Speare" is a 45-minute revue that Slappy was compelled to rewrite William Shakespeare's plays into because nobody came to his performances. Slappy's real name, BTW, is Rex Fortune, Adventure Seeker; he also has an agent named Palido Domingo, and another actor named Stu Boyle (voiced by Roger Behr), a fat pirate in a pink dress who is always found in an onstage balcony. Slappy is voiced by Victor Raider-Wexler. Palido Domingo: Agent of Slappy Cromwell. A pale man who is a member of Brimstone Beach Club on Plunder Island, often lying around sunbathing on the beach, yet he has a Blood Island map tattooed on his back, which is something that can be vital to Guybrush. (Palido's name is a play on Spanish tenor Plácido Domingo, BTW.) Voiced by George DelHoyo. Cabaña Boy: Member of the bustling Plunder Island workforce who works at the Brimstone Beach Club. He is often snotty and doesn't take kindly to strangers whose appearance and body odor may disgust or frighten other members, and that means non-club strangers like Guybrush. Voiced by Harvey Jason. Mr. Fossey: A crazed owner of The Sea Cucumber and leader of the Pirates of Danjer Cove. He is self-appointed first mate to Captain LeChimp, and orders the monkey pirates to do whatever he tells them to, like making anyone walk the plank when they try to board The Sea Cucumber. Fossey is voiced by Quinton Flynn. Pirates of Danjer Cove: A group of pirate monkeys led by Captain LeChimp, enslaved by The Sea Cucumber's owner Mr. Fossey into doing whatever he tells them to, even if things he says can be harmful. Kenny Falmouth: A boy who works as a salesman in Puerto Pollo on Plunder Island, often selling some kind of strange lemonade for five cents per mug and having a bottomless mug policy. He kind of sounds a bit like "South Park's" Eric Cartman, if you ask me. Voiced by former "Diff'rent Strokes" child actor Gary Coleman (R.I.P. :( ). Captain Blondebeard: Proprietor of Blondebeard's Chicken Shoppe on Plunder Island, often working to a point when he's threatened to run anyone through for suggesting to leave his shop. He often fears that El Pollo Diablo (or "The Devil Chicken") set all his chickens loose and will come back to kill him. Voiced by Terence McGovern, voice-actor for Launchpad McQuack from Disney's "Ducktales" and "Darkwing Duck". Man-Eating Snake: A snake that lives near a cliff at Plunder Island and attacks people if they get too close. Swordfighting Pirates: Yes, these pirates from "The Secret of Monkey Island" are back again, except that they often make swordfighting insults that need to rhyme in order to advance, and they often work for Captain René Rottingham. These six pirates are voiced by George DelHoyo, S. Scott Bullock, Dave Fennoy, Roger Behr, "Roseanne" and "Angel" star Glenn Quinn (R.I.P.), and Brendan Holmes. Griswold Goodsoup: Owner of the Goodsoup Plantation Resort Hotel and Casino on Blood Island, whose family owns a line of restaurants and hotels renowned around the world. He appears to be the last of the Goodsoup clan, and unfortunately he is suffering from a hangover; yet he holds dark secrets about a volcano on Blood Island and about his family and his great-aunt Minnie. He is voiced by Kay E. Kuter (R.I.P.). Madame Xima: A gypsy fortuneteller who occupies the Goodsoup Plantation Resort Hotel and Casino on Blood Island. Xima also has the tendency to (in the words of Pee-Wee Herman) "scream real loud", which irritates Griswold, even when he is hung over. She is voiced by Kathleen Freeman (R.I.P.). Mort the Gravedigger: A gravedigger of Blood Island who had been put under a curse by one of the paper voodoo dolls in the Voodoo Lady's house on Plunder Island, until Guybrush frees him by pulling the pin out of the doll. Mort is also a fan of cheesy horror fiction, which may be the reason why he is severely behind on the burials. He seems to be on good terms with Griswold Goodsoup, and also has a dog called Old Blind Pew who lives outside in a coffin. Mort is voiced by Roger Behr. Old Blind Pew: An old unwashed dog who lives in the Blood Island cemetery, sleeping in the coffin doghouse. Although Pew may be a pet of Mort the Gravedigger, he is not very social, since he wears smoky spectacles and has to sniff around for dog treats. Pew is very true to his name, know what I mean? Minnie Goodsoup: Great-aunt of hotel-owner Griswold Goodsoup. Her full name and title is Minerva Stroneheim-Goodsoup, Baroness of Borscht, or Minnie "Stronie" Goodsoup, for short, though she is often referred to as the Ghost Bride in the end credits. Minnie speaks with a Southern drawl, and always had an affection for pirates during her lifetime, since most of her suitors had bored her to tears, until the day she first fell in love with Charles DeGoulash before falling for LeChuck, who only had an eye for her diamond ring and pried the diamond from it during the wedding rehearsal and sold it to King André for his new ship. LeChuck's actions left her depressed, and she soon died from a broken heart. Now she waits for the day when she will be freed only when she is married to a man she truly loves. Minnie is voiced by Mary Kay Bergman (R.I.P.). Charles DeGoulash: Often referred to as the Ghost Groom and the Guest that never left, Charles was the only other man that Minnie Goodsoup could fall for before she fell for LeChuck, who probably trapped him in the Murphy bed and left him to die at the Goodsoup Plantation Resort Hotel while having an eye only on the diamond ring to sell in exchange for LeChuck's escape. This could be the reason why his skeleton was in the Murphy bed, unable to escape until the time when he can be freed. Like Van Helgen, Charles is voiced by Michael Sorich. The Lost Welshman: Also known as "The Flying Welshman". He is the ghostly ferryman who travels between Blood Island and Skull Island, or used to regularly until the lighthouse on Blood Island was smashed, leaving him trapped forever in the accursed mists until the lighthouse can be fixed. He is voiced by Tom Kane, like Captain Rottingham. Effete LaFoot: Bungling assistant and replacement at the winch atop Skull Island. In spite of his short stature and his lack of physical strength, he is ordered to operate the lift to the Smuggler's Cave. LaFoot is voiced by Harvey Jason, just like Cabaña Boy. King André: Smuggler king of Skull Island who lives in the smuggler's cave with his assistant Cruff. King André was the one to whom LeChuck had sold the diamond that he had stolen from Minnie Goodsoup's wedding ring for a new ship. André is often a balding Negro pirate with a menacing voice and a megalomaniacal streak, as he is a parody of the classic James Bond villains. :D Anyway, André is voiced by Dave Fennoy. Cruff: King André's assistant and right-hand man, primarily brawn with little brain, leaving most of the talking to Andre. Like Captain Blondebeard, Cruff is voiced by "Launchpad McQuack" voice actor Terence McGovern. The Monkey Island Cannibals: Yes, these are the cannibals that were once health-conscious in trying to eat people when Guybrush first encountered them. Thanks to his efforts in appeasing them, they abandoned their cannibalistic nature and apparently moved to Blood Island to get away from the Carnival of the Damned. Lemonhead appears to be the only one to return in The Curse of Monkey Island, where he is accompanied by Pineapple Head and Banana Head. As such, they eat only tofu, veggies and fruit and serve the island's volcano god, Sherman, who is highly lactose intolerant and is irritated by other foods such as meat; and they have to offer him human mannequins made of fruits and vegetables to calm him down so as not to cause a volcano eruption. Lemonhead is voiced by S. Scott Bullock. Sherman: An unseen volcano god who is lactose-intolerant and lives on Mount Acidophilus. The cannibals often try pacifying him with ritual fruit and vegetable sacrifices so as not to cause a volcano eruption. Dinghy Dog™: A henchman of LeChuck who works at the Carnival of the Damned. This costumed dog runs a booth where he can guess the age and weight of the guests, with the guest winning a prize if Dinghy Dog™ guesses wrong; he often displays a condescending attitude towards children. Please note that the "™" symbols after the words "Dinghy Dog", "Wharf Rat" and "Monty Meringue" are missing from the earlier version. He is voiced by Dave Madden. Wharf Rat™: Another costumed entertainer at the Carnival of the Damned who runs a booth in which guests can fire pies at Monty Meringue™ the Mime. He's particularly grouchy at the costume he has to wear and dislikes his co-worker Dinghy Dog™. Voiced by Joe Nipote. Snowcone Guy: Also known as a Soda Jerk. A man who sells snow cones at the Carnival of the Damned, often giving plain ones at no extra charge. He often admits that he sells a variety of snow cones that are almost inedible, and has a small stomach and a nasty odor. Voiced by Victor Raider-Wexler, like Slappy Cromwell. Monty Meringue™: Carnival mime who works at the Carnival of the Damned; his sole purpose is to have guests fire lemon meringue pies at his face in a game manned by the Wharf Rat™, with the guest winning a prize if they toss the pie directly at Monty's face. Other Characters: Fort Soldier Skeletal Pirates, Including a Skeleton Head named Skully (voiced by Denny Delk) Thin Pirate (voiced by Chris Sena) Fat Pirate (voiced by Jan Eddy) Quiet Patron at Blondebeard's Chicken Parlor LeChuckie, zombie pirate toy King André has in stock on Skull Island Doomed Family on the Rollercoaster of Death New Skeleton Recruits Father Pirate (voiced by Denny Delk) and His Son (voiced by Alexandra Boyd) # 3. Script # * 3.1. DISC 1 GAME SCRIPT * ************* *3.1a. Intro* ************* CMI The Monkeys are listening... Fade-in of a map of the Tri-Island Area with the word "LucasArts™" inscribed in the middle of it. After a few seconds the wind blows away, revealing a far-off view of an island as the camera is moving towards it, and moving on closer and closer... Deep in the Caribbean ...until it slows down to a complete stop. Monkey Island Monkey grunts are heard from far away, and the camera moves away from a view of Monkey Island, moving on further toward the right, and there is a full moon in the night sky as the camera moves on closer, revealing a view of a bumper car floating in the middle of the ocean many seconds later. On the car sits our hero, Guybrush Ulysses Threepwood, writing in some journal of his plight, as his thoughts are now in voice-over. Guybrush: (voice-over) Captain's log: Guybrush Threepwood. Lost at sea for days now. I have no crew or navigational instruments. No provisions except a half-eaten corn-dog and, unless I find water soon, I'm surely done for. Only the hope of finding my love, Elaine, keeps me going. As he writes, he gets a bit of sadness on his face and sighs at the thought of Elaine before he continues. Guybrush: (voice-over) My quest for the fabulous treasure called Big Whoop has left me in this sorry state. I thought it would bring me fame and glory. Instead, it delivered me into the clutches of my enemy, the zombie-pirate LeChuck. I had thwarted his evil plot to marry Elaine and he was after revenge. He becomes disgusted at the thought of LeChuck, then calms down and writes some more as the camera cuts to a far-off view of Guybrush and the bumper car. Guybrush: (voice-over) <Cough> Really, really thirsty now. If only I could have a small drink of fresh water, I might have the strength to sail on. A bottle of Monkey Spring Water floats on past him while he writes. Guybrush: (voice-over) Oh, but I know there's nothing but ocean for miles and miles... If I could reach land, I might find water and some food. Fruit, maybe... something to fight off the scurvy and help me get my strength back. Mmmmmm... maybe some bananas... While he writes, a box of fresh fruit floats on past him, followed by a box of bananas. Guybrush: (voice-over) Oh, why do I torture myself like this? I might as well wish for some chicken and a big mug of grog for all the good it will do me. While he is still writing, a smiling chicken on a barrel of grog floats on past him as if on cue, and clucks on as it sails away. Camera cuts back to a close- up view of Guybrush in despair, still writing. Guybrush: (voice-over) Oh, my sweet Elaine... am I cursed to starve here on this ocean... without seeing your face just one more time? Am I-- He is suddenly interrupted by a cannon blast, and looks around before the camera cuts to a view of a horde of ships, some active and some sunken, near some far-off island, amid cannon blasts, as he is caught in the middle of a battle before the title screen and credits appear. THE CURSE OF MONKEY ISLAND STARRING Dominic Armato as Guybrush Threepwood PROGRAMMED BY Chuck Jordan Chris Purvis Jonathan Ackley LEAD BACKGROUND ARTIST Bill Tiller BACKGROUNDS Maria Bowen Kathy Hsieh LEAD ANIMATOR Marc Overney 2D ANIMATION Derek Sakai Anson Jew Kevin Micallef Yoko Ballard Graham Annable Charlie Ramos Chris Miles Vamberto Maduro 3D ANIMATION Daniel Colon, Jr. 2D CLEANUP & IN-BETWEENS Oliver Sin ART & ANIMATION DIRECTOR Larry Ahern LEAD RENDER ARTIST Kim Balestreri RENDER ARTISTS Marcia Thomas Thomas Aredt Roger Tholloug ART TECHNICIANS Livia Mackin Michelle Harrell Kim Gresko C. Andrew Nelson POST PRODUCTION VISUAL EFFECTS C. Andrew Nelson MUSIC COMPOSED BY Michael Land MUSIC PRODUCED BY Michael Land Hans Christian Reumschuessel MUSIC ENGINEERED AND MIXED BY Hans Christian Reumschuessel VOICE DIRECTOR & PRODUCER Darragh O'Farrell SENIOR VOICE EDITOR Khris Brown VOICE EDITORS Coya Elliott Cindy Wong VOICE DEPARTMENT COORDINATOR Peggy Bartlett SOUND DESIGN Clint Bajakian and Julian Kwasneski SYSTEM PROGRAMMING Aric Wilmunder SCUMM™ SYSTEM Aric Wilmunder Aaron Giles Brad P. Taylor INSANE ANIMATION SYSTEM Vince Lee Matt Russell iMUSE™ MUSIC SYSTEM Michael McMahon Michael Land Peter McConnell LEAD TESTER Dan Pettit TESTING John Castillo Scott Tingley Lee Susen Deedee Anderson Scott Douglas Paul Zabierek Tim Chen Morgan Gray Greg Land John Buzolich Colin Munson Matthew Azeveda Leyton Chew Theresa M. O'Connor Randy Tudor Jo "Capt. Tripps" Ashburn Charles Smith SENIOR COMPATIBILITY TECH Chip Hinnenberg COMPATIBILITY TECHS James Davison Lynn Selk Kevin Von Aspern Jason Lauborough Doyle Gilstrap PRODUCTION MANAGER Camela Boswell PRODUCTION COORDINATOR Kellie Tauzin PRODUCT MARKETING MANAGER Tom Byron Based on Characters Created By Ron Gilbert SCRIPT BY Jonathan Ackley Chuck Jordan Chris Purvis Larry Ahern STORY, DESIGN & PROJECT LED BY Larry Ahern Jonathan Ackley The credits are ended by a swish of the blade by the undead pirate LeChuck himself, who then barks out a command. LeChuck: Fire! The cannon fires from The Death Starfish as a fortress soldier points out at the approaching cannonball. Soldier: (in a panic) Incoming! Aaaaaaah! He runs off as the cannonball blasts onto the fort cannon, destroying it in a puff of smoke, which finally clears out to reveal the governor herself, Elaine Marley, waving her torch and looking at the damage the blast had made before looking at LeChuck's ship in spite. Elaine: How many times do I have to tell you, LeChuck? I just don't feel that way about you. Elsewhere, Guybrush is near The Death Starfish as he looks around and sees her in excitement. Guybrush: Elaine! LeChuck: (calls out to her) By my congealed blood, you'll learn to love me! Sail with me and I'll make ya queen of the dead! He raises his sword while he speaks, and Elaine runs to the cannons and pauses a bit before a cannonball shot is launched from far away. Elaine: I... I can't. I'm washing my hair tonight. With her torch she lights up one of the fort cannons, which fires a shot at him. LeChuck: Blast be yer hair, woman! Can't you see that this salty old sea- corpse pines for your every gentle caress? He awaits her response but finds none and fires the cannon at her fortress again at his order. Elaine: You know... I don't think my father would approve of me dating the undead-- She lights the cannon with her torch, and a shot fires back before she moves to another cannon and continues. Elaine: And you're probably too nice a zombie-pirate for me anyway-- She lights said cannon, which fires the shot again before moving to yet another cannon. Elaine: ...Let's just be friends instead. She lights the cannon that fires another shot yet again, and LeChuck gets annoyed. LeChuck: Daaaaaaurgh! Elaine starts to get bored and angry. Elaine: *(Breathy Sigh)* Let's face it, LeChuck. You're an evil, foul- smelling, vile, co-dependent villain and that's just not what I'm looking for in a romantic relationship right now. She points at him while she speaks, and he looks at the skeletal pirate named Skully and gets all confused. Finally, after a short pause... LeChuck: Darn yer riddles, ya saucy female! What d'ya mean? He knocks off Skully's head while he speaks, and the head falls onto the floor before stopping. Skully: Ahhh! Ohhh! Elaine: (calls out again) You're a bloodthirsty monster who's already kidnapped me once, tortured my friends, and taken from me the only man I ever loved: Guybrush Threepwood. She becomes saddened while she speaks, and Guybrush lets out a sigh of contentment before Skully's head looks at them both. Skully: Awwww... how romantic... He shakes his head and suddenly becomes astonished to see Guybrush before he jumps and calls out. Skully: Ship Ahoy! LeChuck hears this and looks around to see that Guybrush has escaped from the Carnival of the Damned, and gets into a rage. LeChuck: Threepwood?!!! He takes out a cannon and shoots at Guybrush's bumper car raft, blasting him into the water, then looks up and calls out... LeChuck: Fish him out! At LeChuck's order, the skeletal pirates pull Guybrush out of the water with a long fishing pole, and Elaine becomes surprised. Elaine: Guybrush?! Guybrush is flanked by the two skeletal pirates who wake him up while LeChuck speaks. LeChuck: Guybrush Threepwood! By my gangrenous gut, I don't know how you escaped my carnival of the damned, but you won't escape the taste of my blade! As he speaks, he points the finger of blame at Guybrush and lifts up his cutlass to strike when a gunshot knocks the blade off of LeChuck's hand and onto the mast, and he becomes furious. LeChuck: Daaaargh! He turns around and sees Elaine holding the shotgun that she had fired at the blade. She blows the smoke off her musket, and he becomes astounded. LeChuck: Ooooh. The lass has spirit! Eh. He then turns to the skeleton pirates holding Guybrush. LeChuck: Throw him in the hold! I'll finish him after the battle. The skeletons toss Guybrush into the hold at LeChuck's order before LeChuck turns to the other skeleton pirates on the lifeboats. LeChuck: Turn loose the longboats. At his order, the skeletons lower the boats down before he looks behind him and finishes his speech with a close-up of his face. LeChuck: ...and prepare the flaming, voodoo cannon ball! ******************************************************* *3.1b. Part I: The Demise of the Zombie Pirate LeChuck* ******************************************************* Scene fades into the hold as Guybrush gets up near Wally B. Feed from "Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge" near the cannon and ponders a bit. Guybrush: I've got to get out of here and help Elaine! He walks up to the locked door. Guybrush: If I could only get through this one door... ...then I could easily overpower the armed guards above... ...slip over the side and make for the shore. Wally: (takes out his gun) Quit yer mumbling, captive! Wally puts away the gun, then turns to the cannon and fires a few shots. Wally: Blast ye scurvy dogs! While Wally speaks and fires the shots, Guybrush takes the ramrod from the wall near the cannonballs and stuffs it near his pants pocket. Wally: (after some cannon fire) This will make you rue the day! *(another cannon blast)* Avast, ye swabs! Prepare for yer doom! *(another cannon blast later)* Ya drink bilge water, and yer mothers dress you funny! *(another cannon blast)* Let's see if you can handle this! *(another cannon blast)* I'll reduce yer fort ta rubble! [Examine the locked door] Guybrush: (to no one in particular) If there are any of you stinking, wretched fiends of the damned in there... ...could you open this door? *(pause)* It's not that I'm trying to escape or anything. It's just that I'd like to step outside and enjoy an adult beverage. Guybrush leans out of the window and tries budging, but... Guybrush: I can't quite squeeze past this cannon. Wally: (off-camera) Move out of the way! I can't fire the cannon with you standing there! [Examine the left porthole] Guybrush: There's a strange glow coming from that porthole. [Examine the right porthole] Guybrush: It's a brightly lit porthole. Guybrush goes back into the hold and comes up to Wally, who gets frightened and points his gun at him again. Wally: Stand yer distance! Guybrush: I'm Guybrush Threepwood, who are you? Wally: I'm the evil pirate, Bloodnose! The wickedest fiend ever to sail under the banner of King Death! I'd as soon chew your nose off as look at you! Or: Guybrush: (fearless) You don't scare me, you mangy pirate! Wally: (puts down his gun in fright) Brave talk, boy! But now you're face to face with the wicked pirate Bloodnose! Or: Guybrush: I'm selling these fine leather jackets. Wally: (puts away his gun) Really? Guybrush: No. I'm lying. Wally: In that case I don't want one. Guybrush: Yep, sorry we couldn't make a deal. Wally pauses, then takes up the gun in anger. Wally: Cross me again and I'll chum for sharks with ya! As Bloodnose, Wally aims the gun at Guybrush again. Guybrush: (points at Wally) You sound pretty tough. Wally: (puts down the gun again) I'm so tough, in junior high, I stuffed Davy Jones in his locker. Guybrush: How tough are you again? Wally: I'm so tough, I could survive being flogged with a cat-o'-nine-tails for half an hour... ...or three cats-o'-five-tails for eighteen minutes. Guybrush: (repeats) How tough are you again? Wally: I'm so tough, I... ...er... um... He puts away the gun again before continuing. Wally: I drink milk straight from the carton! He takes the gun again. Guybrush: (fake shudder) Ooooh! After a few seconds... Guybrush: Well, I'm pretty tough myself! Wally: (points his hook) You! Don't make me laugh! You couldn't even grow a decent beard! Guybrush: (surprised) Hey... How did you know about my attempted beard? Wally: (puzzled) Er... Pirate's intuition. Guybrush: I am so tough! Wally: You are not! Guybrush: Yes, I am! Wally: No, you're not! Guybrush: Are so! [sic] Wally: Are not! Guybrush: (resigns, then...) Are you wearing a fake beard? Wally: (raises his hook again) Bloodnose the Pirate would not have a fake beard! Guybrush: Yes, it is! Wally puts away the gun while Guybrush speaks. Guybrush: It's been glued to your ear hair! Wally: Actually, it's a highly sophisticated beard weave... ...made from the chest and back hair of real pirates! Guybrush becomes astonished and grossed out at this. Wally: I'm hoping it'll take root if I don't wash it for a while! Or: Guybrush: (resigns, then points at Wally's hook) Is that hook for real? Wally: (puts down the gun again) Of course it's real! *(raises his hook)* A vicious shark tore off me hand. Oh, what a struggle it was. I remember... Guybrush: (interrupts) It is so a fake! Wally: It is not! Well... O.K., it is. See, I haven't lost my hand yet. This is sort of a training hook. He puts away his gun before continuing. Wally: I'm wearing this just to get used to the feel of it. Captain LeChuck says he'll cut my hand off when he gets some free time. I do have a hangnail. It'll probably get infected. He takes out the gun again, and Guybrush recognizes him. Guybrush: Hey! Wait a minute! You're not a pirate! Wally! Don't you recognize me? It's Guybrush Threepwood! Wally: Oh, gee... Hello, Mr. Wood. He puts away the gun again. Guybrush: The last time I saw you, we were prisoners in LeChuck's dungeon. Why would you sign on with a ship of the living dead? Wally: Well, Mr. Brush... ...at first I had some misgivings about it. He takes out the gun again before continuing. Wally: But thanks to LeChuck's seminars, motivational lectures... ...and audio books-on-parrot, I've become a vicious corsair! You can too! Ask me how! Guybrush: Tell me about these seminars. Wally: The seminars really brought things into focus. You don't know how empowering it is... ...to be able to say to yourself... "Yes. I am a despicable, filthy, villainous pirate... ...deserving blame and censure... ...but THAT pirate... ...is who I want to be." He puts away the gun again. Wally: Everyone was really very supportive. We had this great feeling of synergy. Then LeChuck kicked me down the door and said... "Ye lazy scum! Get back ta work or I'll beat you with yer own legs." He takes out the gun again. Guybrush: Tell me about these motivational lectures. Wally: Well, they weren't lectures as such. It was what LeChuck described as flogging the inner child. Guybrush: Tell me about these audio books. Wally: (raises his hook again) To become a pirate, the audio books-on-parrot are the key. You get a set of twelve parrots... ...one a month. Return as many as you like. Keep them all and live. They teach you to talk just like a pirate! All the key phrases are in there! "Blow the man down." "Shiver me timbers." "Who's a pretty bird?" All the phrases a pirate needs to command respect on the high-seas! Guybrush: Do you have any literature I could look at? Wally: (takes out the paper sheets) Here. Guybrush kneels down and takes the pirate literature from Wally. Wally: (continues) This leaflet explains the basic philosophy I follow. Or: Guybrush: (in a bored voice) I'm not in the mood for sales hype. Wally: Here. *(takes out the paper sheets)* At least take this literature. You may change your mind. Guybrush kneels down and takes the pirate literature from Wally. Guybrush: Set me free, Wally. Wally: I can't, Mr. Brush. I'm the evil pirate Bloodnose, now. And besides... ...even if you got up on deck, LeChuck would cut you to ribbons. Guybrush: What's behind that door? Wally: Oooooh... *(points at the door)* That's the door to LeChuck's treasure hold. There's heaps and piles of gold and silver. He's brought all the loot he's ever stolen to give to Elaine. LeChuck is convinced that he can buy Elaine's love. Guybrush: Hmmmm... *(a pause, then)* What are LeChuck's plans? Wally: He's been working on a secret weapon. Some incredibly powerful cannonball. He's going to use it to blow down the walls of the fort... ...so his crew can overrun the island! Guybrush: Snap out of it, Wally! Wally: (retorts) That's Bloodnose to you, ya scurvy sea-bass! Guybrush: (with an angry look) You're a failure as a pirate. Wally: (points the gun at him again) Shut yer trap, ya yellow-bellied blowfish! *(starts aiming at Guybrush)* One more peep out of you and I'll do ya in! Guybrush: (in a monotone) Peep. Wally: (angry) Ya scabrous swab! One more word and I'll let you have it! Guybrush: (in a monotone again) Word. Wally: (furious) That's it! He starts to falter. Wally: I'm gonna blast ya! I'm gonna... ...I'm... ...gonna... ...<sniff>... Wally soon breaks down and becomes saddened. Wally: Oh, I can't do it! I just can't! <sob> After a pause... Wally: You're right, Mr. Wood! He puts the gun away one more time before continuing. Wally: I'm just not a pirate! I'm not ferocious, or bloodthirsty, or hateful, or anything! I'm not even... *(brief pause)* I'm not even unpleasant! He kneels down and places his hands to his eyes but accidentally pokes himself with an "Ow!" He tosses the hook from his hand and cries. Wally: Waaaaaaaaah! Guybrush: (calming him down) Oh. There, there. [Try to push Wally] Guybrush: I don't want to slap the little guy around. [Examine Wally] Guybrush: I don't think I've ever seen a cuter pirate. [Try to talk to Wally again] Guybrush: I don't want to disturb him. He's had a hard day. [Examine the keyhole] Guybrush looks at the keyhole for a second, then... Guybrush: I see a diorama of the children of the world living in peace and freedom. Wally: <weep> Guybrush looks at the keyhole again, then... Guybrush: No, wait. It can't be that. It's just too dark to make out what's in there. Wally: <whimper> [Examine the cannonballs] Guybrush: Nice cannon balls. [Pick up the cannonballs] Guybrush: They're too heavy to carry. Guybrush takes the plastic hook from the floor and, with the ramrod, creates a gaff. He then goes to the cannon and attempts to shoot at the four boats. [If you make a bad aim] Skeleton Pirate #1: Hey! You're gettin' a little close there, pal! Or: Skeleton Pirate #2: Watch where you're shootin'! Or: Skeleton Pirate #3: The fort, you fool! Aim for the fort! [Shoot at the fort wall] Guybrush: Whoops! Or: Guybrush: That was me. Sorry. Or: Guybrush: Sorry about that! Or: Guybrush: Oops! My fault! Or: Guybrush: Ouch. Guybrush successfully downs one boat with a cannonball blast, and the skeleton pirates scream. Skeleton Pirate #4: Hey, whose side are you on? He aims the cannon at the next boat and downs it with another shot, and aims it at the third boat. Skeleton Pirate #3: You're gonna get us all killed! Again! Skeleton Pirate #4: It's like you're not one of LeChuck's evil minions! Guybrush downs the third boat with a cannon shot, then goes for the final boat and blasts it to smithereens with a final shot, clearing the ocean. Guybrush: (smiles) Hey! I'm getting pretty good at this... He goes to the window. Guybrush: Ewww, gross... all the bones and stuff are floating towards the ship. While Wally cries with a "<weep>", Guybrush leans back out of the window and sees a floating skeleton arm near a skull on the plank, which suddenly talks. Skull: Well, they've messed with the wrong skull this time! Ha Ha! If I could just get my hands on that gunner! If I could just get my hands, period! Guybrush decides to talk to the talking skull. Guybrush: Lose something? Skull: I am Murray! The invincible, demonic skull! Quake in fear, mortal! For your insolence, I shall now devour you! Guybrush: Uh-huh. Murray: Could you... ...er... Could you pick me up, so I can bite you? Guybrush: No. Murray: I just thought I'd ask. Guybrush: You know, you'd look great with a melting candle on your forehead. Murray: I get the feeling you're not taking me very seriously. Guybrush: No, I am. Really. Murray: Really? Then let me hear you scream in terror! Guybrush: (in a bored, low tone) Eeek. Murray: Bwahahahahahahaha! Guybrush: Why do you villains always laugh so much? Murray: I wasn't laughing about anything in particular. Somewehere, there's a fish nibbling on my foot and it really tickles. Guybrush: Can I call you BOB? Murray: You may call me Murray! I am a powerful demonic force! I am the harbinger of your doom! And the forces of darkness will applaud me as I STRIDE through the gates of hell carrying your head on a pike! Guybrush: (puzzled) "Stride?" Murray: Alright then, "ROLL! ROLL through the gates of hell." Must you take the fun out of everything? Guybrush: You're about as fearsome as a doorstop. Murray: Is it a really EVIL looking doorstop? Guybrush: Uh, never mind. After a few seconds... Guybrush: Was your mother's father bald too? Murray: (angry) I'm not bald! I just have a really high widows peak. Guybrush: Well, at least now you never have to worry about what to wear. Murray: Well, I suppose that's true. Guybrush: And accessorizing is really easy. Murray: That's also true. And I look good in hats. Guybrush: There you go. *(after some pondering)* How can you see without eyeballs? Murray: How can you walk around without a brain? Some things no one can answer. [If you chose fewer answers] Guybrush: It's been swell talking to ya. Murray: (furious) Run, then! Run! RUN away from the fearsome skull! Until you die, I shall revisit you in your most horrible nightmares! *(evil cackle)* Guybrush: Whatever.

[If you spoke to Murray long enough] Guybrush: I'm going now. Murray: Good. Now leave me alone! I have a lot of scheming and evil plotting to do. *(evil cackle)* Guybrush takes out the gaff and pulls the skeleton arm holding a sword out of the water, then puts it away. Murray: (angry) Hey! That's my arm! Give that back! Guybrush talks to him again. Guybrush: If I gave you your arm back, what would you do with it? Murray: I'd terrorize the South Seas! I'd torture the living! I'd demolish the... er... What I meant to say was I'd use it to pet kittens. Guybrush: *(Laugh)* Nope. You blew it. Murray: (sulks) Drat. Guybrush takes out the gaff and knocks Murray off the platform. Murray: Hey! Murray falls into the water with a splash, and the platform floats away. [Use the cutlass anywhere] Guybrush: That doesn't need cutting. [Use the skeleton arm anywhere] Guybrush: I can't use the skeleton arm with that. Guybrush goes back in the deck, then goes to the cannon and takes out the cutlass, making a pretend stance. Guybrush: Ha-ha! Taste cold steel, feeble cannon restraint rope! He slices off the rope and puts the cutlass away, then goes to the cannon. Meanwhile, LeChuck holds out a glowing voodoo cannonball as he speaks. LeChuck: Now, with the demon flames of this voodoo cannonball, I'll blast my significant other into the significant otherworld. *(Laugh)* He gets all emotional as he continues. LeChuck: That'll show her how much I truly care-- Back in the hold, Guybrush fires the cannon, whose blast makes the cannon knock him onto the door and bust it to safety; the force also makes LeChuck lose his balance. LeChuck: DAAAaarrr! He suddenly drops the cannonball onto the floor while Elaine watches and waits for The Death Starfish to blow up, but nothing happens... yet. LeChuck: (off-camera) Ugh! Neptune's navel, that was a close one. A second later, his ship mast blows up in a flash of light. LeChuck: (off-camera, terrified) Aaaah! The light fades into a green skull-shaped smoke before it fades away. Suddenly... Elaine: (terrified) Oh, no! She runs as fast as she can as The Death Starfish is sinking, with LeChuck's smoky boots falling off with his scream. The ship soon tilts to the side, and a few seconds later it slowly turns upside-down. Back on The Death Starfish, Guybrush gets up in the treasure hold and looks around. Guybrush: Hey! I lost my cutlass when the ship capsized. [Examine the music box] Guybrush: It's got a zombie ballerina. [Examine the porthole] Guybrush: Hey! I can see the ocean floor. And there's a really angry-looking skull floating around out there. [Examine the lucre] Guybrush: It's the biggest pile of treasure I've ever seen! [Pick up the lucre] Guybrush: I wouldn't be able to swim with all that treasure. I'll leave it here and come back for it when I have a boat. [Examine LeChuck's unused comb] Guybrush: I hate to think what that comb's been through. [Try to pick up LeChuck's unused comb] Guybrush: I think LeChuck needs it more than I do. [Examine the flotation device] Guybrush: I don't even want to know what LeChuck's plans were for that. [Try to pick up the flotation device] Guybrush: No self-respecting pirate would be seen wearing that. [Examine the portrait] Guybrush: It's LeChuck in all his gory. Err, glory. He goes up to the bag and examines it. Guybrush: It's a bag of wooden nickels. Some treasure. He takes the bag, uncovering what looks like a diamond ring. Guybrush: Hey! There's a big diamond ring behind this bag! He examines the gaping hole to the surface. Guybrush: If only I could find a way to get up there and get out! He picks up the ring, then goes to the porthole to the right of him, takes out said ring, and uses its diamond to carve out the glass, opening up the porthole, and water suddenly sprays out on him onto the wall, washing him down. Scene fades to black before fading back to the ship that is now sinking as he is now on the flotation device. The water pressure pushes him up out of the ship's hole. Meanwhile, the day is dawning, and as Elaine watches, he swims up closer to her on shore. Elaine: Guybrush? ... She becomes astonished to see him again. Elaine: Guybrush! I thought I'd lost you forever. Is it really you? Guybrush: (now on shore) Yes, Elaine! He tries getting out of the flotation device, but it doesn't budge, and he pats the back of his neck as he continues. Guybrush: Umm... did you really mean what you said out there? ... That I was the only man you ever loved? Elaine: Uh... well... Yes, Guybrush, I guess I did. Guybrush: Elaine, I'm a man of action. A swashbuckler. A rouge. A wanderer! A man who can hold his breath for ten minutes. I have no ties and no regrets. I sail with the wind and go where adventure takes me. But somehow, something always leads me... Elaine: (interrupts off-camera) Guybrush, stop babbling. He becomes embarrassed, and then... Guybrush: Elaine, will you marry me? He takes out the ring with a sparkle as he speaks. Elaine: (off-camera, surprised) Oh, Guybrush! He places the ring onto her finger. Guybrush: Oh, *(he suddenly stops and looks around to find Wally near them)* --WALLY?!! You're alive! Uh, but, how did you survive the explosion?!! Wally: Oh, I was thrown clear. I'm just lucky I wasn't wearing my seat belt. Wally then looks at her. Wally: Wow, Elaine! That's some ring! Elaine: Thank you, Wally. It's an engagement ring from Guybrush. Wally: (excited) Hey! That looks just like the big diamond ring LeChuck had in his treasure hold. You know, the one with that ghastly, disfiguring voodoo curse on it. Guybrush and Elaine become shocked upon hearing this before Wally continues. Wally: Well, I'm sure Guybrush wouldn't have given you THAT ring. Anyway, I gotta be going. I hear there's a tattoo removal place on this island that's freckle-safe. As he speaks, Guybrush's flotation device becomes deflated while Elaine gets angry at him before Wally leaves. Wally: See ya at the wedding! Elaine: (furious) Guybrush?!!! Guybrush: (clueless) Uhhh... She goes for the wind-up, about to punch him, when a sickly green aura envelops her, turning her into a golden statue. Scene cuts to black. ************************************* *3.1b. Part II: The Curse Gets Worse* ************************************* Guybrush is shocked to find that his fiancée is now a statue thanks to the power of what is now the cursed Midas Diamond ring. Guybrush: Oh no! Elaine! He turns around from her. Guybrush: She's not going to be happy about this. [Try to talk to Elaine] Guybrush: Elaine? Honey? You okay? *(pause)* Can I get you anything? *(another pause)* I'll just start lifting that pirate curse, then, huh? [Try to pick up Elaine] Guybrush: She must weigh a ton! Uh, no offense. *(turns around)* Hey, I wonder how many karats she... No, no. Bad idea. [Go to the bridge near the fort and push the secret button] A cannon fires from the fortress. Guybrush: Fun. [Examine the chicken atop the "Welcome to Puerto Pollo" sign] Guybrush: Hmmm. [Talk to the chicken atop a palm tree] Guybrush: Hi. He takes the glowing ember to the right of Elaine; the ember becomes hot to his touch. Guybrush: Ouch. [Examine the plaque near the chicken] Guybrush: It's an informative plaque put up by the Plunder Island Naturalist Society. "Plunder Island Feral Chicken. One of Plunder Island's most common fauna, and the animal for which our capital of Puerto Pollo is named." [Try to grab the feral chicken] On Guybrush's touch, the feral chicken makes a roaring cluck. Guybrush: I don't think so. [Examine the voodoo markings on the tree] Guybrush: Mysterious. He walks on to the right past the plaque near the chicken, exits the jungle, and moves on toward the Plunder Island swamp, where Murray is atop the gate, and tries going to a wrecked ship before... Murray: BOO! Guybrush: (with a jolt) AHHHHH! Murray: Bwahahahahahaha! Guybrush: (relieved) Oh, it's just you again. Murray: Just your most terrifying image of evil revisited! Guybrush: Yeah, right. Murray: I bring you warning from the infernal realms... do not go farther into the swamp! Turn back! Turn back! Darkness will envelop you! Bwahahahahahaha! Guybrush: How'd you get all the way up there? Murray: Through sheer force of will. Guybrush: (bored) Uh huh. Murray: All right, it was a bunch of those weird voodoo kids. They found me on shore and put me on top of this spike, all the time thinking they were so funny. Guybrush: Do you need me to help you down? Murray: (angry) Help? I need no help from you foolish mortals! I am Murray! The all-powerful demonic skull! Guybrush: Okay, just thought I'd ask. Murray: Don't get me wrong; I do appreciate the offer. Guybrush: What are you doing up there? Murray: I am standing as a testament... Guybrush: Standing? Murray: (corrects himself) ...hanging as a testament to the power of the forces of Evil that will one day claim victory over the entire earth! Guybrush: How long are you going to keep doing that? Murray: As long as it takes. Guybrush: Must get pretty dull up there, I suppose. Murray: (defiant) Never! The powers of darkness are never dull! We will one day prove that... ...oh, who am I trying to fool? I'm bored out of my skull. Figuratively speaking, of course. Guybrush: You seem restless. Murray: Oh, I don't know. It's just that not many people come through this swamp. Guybrush: What would you rather be doing? Murray: I need to be out among the lesser people, terrifying them and causing pain and misery. Guybrush: That would make you happy? Murray: Yes, happy, in a dark, demonic way. Guybrush: Do you know anything about lifting curses? Murray: Oh, right. I know a lot about lifting curses. That's why I'm a disembodied talking skull sitting on top of a spike in the middle of a swamp. Guybrush: You seem bitter. Murray: I'm sorry. It's been a rough day. Guybrush: I'd love to stay and chat, but ...uh... I've got to go. [Try talking to Murray again] Guybrush: I think he wants to be alone right now. He goes past Murray onto the ship. Once inside, he goes to the gumball machine and places the wooden nickel from the bag into its coin slot, and there is a sound of the machine dispensing a pack of gum. Guybrush: Wow! I got a whole pack of gum! He takes the gum pack, then goes to one of the paper voodoo dolls and pulls out the pin from it. Elsewhere, a paralyzed gravedigger suddenly feels that he is no longer in pain or paralyzed. Gravedigger: (sighs) What a relief! [Pick up the voodoo doll] Guybrush: I don't need it. It's just a toy. [Use the pin on the voodoo doll again] Guybrush: I'm sure it won't do anything. After all, it's just a paper voodoo- doll. He pokes the voodoo doll again, and the gravedigger in the meantime feels a sharp pain again. Gravedigger: Yeeeeee! [Try putting the ember on stick on the voodoo doll] Guybrush puts the ember on the voodoo doll, and the gravedigger in the meantime becomes tortured. Gravedigger: Make it stop! Aaaaaah! [If you still have the serrated bread knife and use it on the voodoo doll] Guybrush tries cutting the voodoo doll, and the gravedigger in the meantime becomes tortured again. Gravedigger: Oh! The pain! [Try using the skeleton arm on the voodoo doll] Guybrush pats the voodoo doll with the skeleton arm, and the gravedigger in the meantime feels rubbed on by an invisible force. Gravedigger: Ahh... no, it's at the small of my back... no, higher... little higher... RIGHT there! Oh, perfect! Back at the wrecked ship, Guybrush goes to the paste bottle near the voodoo doll and picks it up, then goes to the alligator and pulls out its tongue, making its eyes bulge out. He then turns around as an elevator platform rises, revealing the Voodoo Lady whom he had met in his previous adventures, sitting as usual between a flaming sconce and a bookshelf. He starts talking with her. Guybrush: Who are you and how did you just appear like that? Voodoo Lady: I am one gifted with the Second Sight, adept at manipulating the forces of nature for the benefit of all who enter my door. Guybrush: You're a fashion consultant? Voodoo Lady: Well, yes, but that's not what I was referring to. I am a Voodoo Priestess. She tosses an orb onto the sconce, which emits a puff of smoke like a mushroom cloud. Guybrush: Neat! Voodoo Lady: (points at him) You're an "autumn", by the way. Guybrush: Don't I know you from somewhere? Voodoo Lady: We have known each other for a very long time, Guybrush Threepwood. You've been through much, so it is understandable that you have forgotten me. We met on Mêlée Island, when you were first trying to become a pirate. Guybrush: Hang on a second. Are we going to do one of those flashback things? They always make me nauseous. Voodoo Lady: No, I'll make this quick. I twice helped you defeat the evil pirate LeChuck, first by preparing the voodoo anti-root... Guybrush: I'm starting to remember... Voodoo Lady: ...and then again by helping you prepare a voodoo doll of his zombie form. Guybrush: (realizes) That's right! *(after a brief pause)* You've helped so much and I still don't know your name. Voodoo Lady: (lights up the sconce again) I am known by many names on many different islands. But names have little importance. *(points at him again)* You should know this more than anyone, Guybrush Threepwood. Guybrush: Yes, you're right... *(pause)* Hey! Are you making fun of me? Voodoo Lady: I wouldn't dream of it. Guybrush: Boy, have I got some stories to tell you! Voodoo Lady: Stories? *(puts her fingers to her forehead)* Yes, well, I'm... sensing a great disturbance. I have to go. Guybrush: But I've got to tell you about LeChuck! And Elaine! Voodoo Lady: I'm going to disappear now, in a big flash of light. Cover your eyes... Guybrush: No, no, no, wait! It started back on Dinky Island. I knew LeChuck was close... Voodoo Lady: (impatient) I'll be disappearing here, any moment. Guybrush: (resigns) Okay, okay. No stories. Nice place. I love what you've done with it. Voodoo Lady: Thank you. You'll have to excuse the mess. The kids came over to play with their paper voodoo dolls. They're adorable children. Would you like to see some pictures? Guybrush thinks of what to say, about to say, "NO!", "No, please, no," "For the love of all that is good and holy, NO," or "I can't think of anything I would hate more," then changes the subject. Guybrush: Perhaps later. Voodoo Lady: (puts her fingers to her forehead again) Yes, there's no time for that now. I sense that something terrible has happened. Guybrush: (astonished) Hey, you're good! Something terrible HAS happened! I finally proposed to Elaine! Voodoo Lady: Congratulations! That doesn't sound so terr... Guybrush: (interrupts) And when I placed the engagement ring on her hand she was placed under a horrible pirate curse and trapped for eternity as a solid gold statue! Voodoo Lady: (tosses the orb onto the sconce again) Ah, that explains it. I was struck with a wave of overwhelming hatred and anger. Guybrush: Yeah, that LeChuck was a pretty mean guy. Voodoo Lady: I was talking about Elaine. Guybrush: There's no time to worry about that now! We have to hurry! Voodoo Lady: Do not panic, Guybrush. She will be safe until we can break the curse... You only have to worry about her being stolen. Where did you hide her? Guybrush: Err... I can't tell you. It's too secret. Voodoo Lady: (tosses the orb onto the sconce again) Very well. But I am very much relieved to hear that she is safe and... Guybrush: (interrupts again) Err... I just remembered something I've got to do. Uh, see you around! Voodoo Lady: (points her finger at him in shock) You didn't hide her? Go, Guybrush! Hurry! Before you're too late! He runs back to the beach to find that there is now a sign where Elaine used to be, and that a ship has sailed off. Guybrush: (shocked) ELAINE! *(after a brief pause and a chicken's cluck)* I've got to get her back! *(turns around)* This is so embarrassing. It looks like I'm going to need some more help. A few minutes later, he pulls the alligator tongue in the wrecked ship, and the elevator platform rises again. He goes to the Voodoo Lady and talks with her. Guybrush: Someone's stolen Elaine! Voodoo Lady: That is unfortunate. It will be difficult to get her back. Guybrush: Do you know who kidnapped her? Voodoo Lady: Not for certain. But I suspect that it's the mangy pirates anchored in Danjer Cove. Guybrush: Can you give me something to lift the curse? Voodoo Lady: No, LeChuck's curse is a very powerful one... ...fueled by his anger and his intense frustration in dealing with the opposite sex. She tosses the orb onto the sconce again as she continues. Voodoo Lady: I have nothing here to lift so powerful a curse, but there is one way. Guybrush: (in hope) Great! Tell me! Voodoo Lady: You have to replace the cursed ring with a pure one of greater or equal value. A good guideline is two months' salary. Guybrush: Where am I going to find a huge, uncursed diamond ring? Voodoo Lady: (puts her fingers to her forehead again) Legends speak of a whopping big diamond ring on Blood Island. Guybrush: Blood Island? I've never heard of it. Voodoo Lady: (tosses the orb onto the sconce again) You will soon become quite familiar with it. *(points her finger at him)* But you must be careful, Guybrush. *(puts her fingers to her forehead again)* I have foreseen that your journey will be filled with peril and deception. I have also seen that Blood Island will be the place... *(puts her hand down before continuing)* ...where you will die. Guybrush: Uh huh. So, uh, any huge uncursed rings on any other islands? Or: Guybrush: Die? Did, did you say, "Die?" As in, me? Dead? Voodoo Lady: Don't be such a baby. Guybrush: Isn't there a less... dangerous way? Voodoo Lady: No. The value of the ring on Blood Island comes from its emotional significance. It represents a pure, true love, a power greater than any other. Guybrush: Oh, that's sweet. I... I think I have something in my eye. Voodoo Lady: (points at him in a strict manner) Do not mock the voodoo priestess. Guybrush: How do I get to Blood Island? Voodoo Lady: (puts her fingers to her forehead again) You will need three things: A map to Blood Island, for the journey is a long and dangerous one... ...a seaworthy ship to take you there... ...and an experienced crew. Guybrush: Map, ship, and crew. Got it. *(a pause, then...)* Well, how will I find the ring on Blood Island? Voodoo Lady: (puts her fingers to her forehead again) All I can say is that I see a long and painful history connected with that ring... ...and I feel a great sadness associated with it. She puts her hand down again. Voodoo Lady: You will learn more once you have actually found the island. Guybrush: Blood Island sounds dangerous! Ya have to come with me! Voodoo Lady: No, I cannot. I have lived on three different islands in the past six years. I do not wish to travel anymore. Besides, this derelict is still in escrow. Guybrush: But who will point me in the right direction? You've got to come! You're my only hope! Voodoo Lady: No, Guybrush. There is another. As she tosses the orb into the sconce again... Guybrush: Blood Island, here I come! *(after a brief pause)* I finally defeated LeChuck and his skeleton pirates! Voodoo Lady: True evil can never be destroyed completely. Guybrush: But I heard him blow up and everything! Voodoo Lady: You'd be surprised at how much abuse an evil undead zombie pirate can take. Guybrush: How can I finally destroy him for good? Voodoo Lady: No one knows. His power seems to grow with every incarnation. *(points her finger at him again)* You may have dealt with him for now, but this respite can only be temporary at best. Guybrush: I finally found Big Whoop and was enormously disappointed! Voodoo Lady: (points at him in a warning) Big Whoop is pure evil. You were lucky to escape alive. Guybrush: I can't remember much about it... just that I was expecting so much more, and felt so let down. Voodoo Lady: Yes, it is the source of much of LeChuck's power. Guybrush: (mutters) Well, I'm never going back there again. Voodoo Lady: (puts her fingers to her forehead again) I have foreseen otherwise. You will return to Big Whoop and confront LeChuck once again. Guybrush: What makes you think LeChuck will be back? Voodoo Lady: Some men can search their entire lives and never discover their reason for being. LeChuck has found his: to perpetually rise from the dead and torment you and Elaine. It's what he does best. Guybrush: Gee, when you put it that way, it's kind of hard to stay mad at him. *(after a pause again)* What island is this, anyway? Voodoo Lady: You have landed on Plunder Island. Guybrush: Plunder Island. Sounds appropriately piratey. Voodoo Lady: Naturally. It's a sort of retirement community for ex-pirates and their spouses. Guybrush: Hmmm. Sounds... exciting. Voodoo Lady: Lately there has been all too much excitement on the island. All centering around Governor Marley, LeChuck, and a giant chicken. Guybrush: Elaine is governor of this island, too? Voodoo Lady: Actually, Elaine is the governor of the entire tri-island area, comprised of Mêlée, Booty, and Plunder Islands. *(tosses the orb onto the sconce again)* She moved to her fort here on Plunder after the kitchen and landscaping staff quit her Booty Island mansion. Guybrush: How did you end up on Plunder Island? Voodoo Lady: I realized that my location in the swamp on Scabb Island wasn't ideally situated. Guybrush: So you moved to a swamp on a different island? Voodoo Lady: I just said I could see the future; I never claimed to be an expert in real estate. Guybrush: What about this giant chicken business? Voodoo Lady: (puts her fingers to her forehead again) Ah yes, Guybrush. You have landed on this island gripped... ...by the cold, clammy hand... *(puts her fingers back down again)* ...of FEAR! Guybrush: Don't you think you're being a bit over-dramatic? Voodoo Lady: This was a peaceful island, until the Great Beast landed on our shores. Some say It was sent to make the islanders pay for their cruelty; others say it was simply blind fate. Whatever the impetus, It came. Guybrush: (terrified) AHHHHHHHHHHHH! Voodoo Lady: What? What? I'm not even at the scary part yet! Guybrush: (calms down) Oh. Sorry. Go ahead. Voodoo Lady: It was El Pollo Diablo, the Giant Demon Chicken! Tall as a man and twice as powerful, his massive drumsticks propel him through the dark jungle with ease. No one has seen the Beast, but on the eve of the full moon... ...his blood-curdling squawk can be heard from every corner of this wretched island. In the dark of night, he roosts patiently... watching... waiting... for the one day... Guybrush: No, no, no, wait. Don't tell me. Let me guess... *(thinks a bit, then...)* He's crossing the road... to freedom! Voodoo Lady: (strictly) He roams the island, exacting terrible vengeance on those who would capture and eat his smaller brethren. Guybrush: (shrugs his shoulders in jest) Oh, give me a break. Voodoo Lady: (points at him again) There were once others like you, skeptical to the true nature of the Beast... ...but they're all dead now, pecked into a bloody pulp by his savage beak. But I'm sure you have nothing to worry about. Guybrush: Yeah, right. Whatever. Thanks, I've heard all I needed to know. *(after a pause again...)* I want to know what voodoo spell you're working on. Voodoo Lady: Voodoo spell? Oh, this. This is just a fondue I'm making for tonight. Would you like to try it? Guybrush: Does it have any skink toes in it? Voodoo Lady: A few. Guybrush: (as she tosses the orb into the sconce again) I'll pass. *(after a brief pause again)* I want to know more about safe hair replacement systems. Voodoo Lady: I can imagine. *(points at him again)* Didn't you have a beard the last time I saw you? Guybrush: I sure did! A really cool one! I wonder what happened to it... *(another pause)* I want to know more about a diet I can live with. Voodoo Lady: I'll share with you knowledge passed from mother to daughter in my family for generations. Guybrush: What's that? Voodoo Lady: Low fat, high fiber. It works. Guybrush: *(after a pause again...)* I want to know more about variable-rate mortgages. Voodoo Lady: Bad idea. Though attractive to the first-time homeowner, the rate reacts wildly to fluctuations in the market and can work against the buyer over time. *(points at him again)* You're best off starting with a 20 percent down payment and a variable-rate mortgage, then refinancing at a fixed rate after one or two years, as the market warrants. Guybrush: Could you repeat that? Voodoo Lady: (strict) No. Guybrush: I want to know more about a career in TV and VCR repair. Voodoo Lady: So you want to make more money. Guybrush: Sure, we all do! Voodoo Lady: (strict again) Stick to pirating. Guybrush: I want to know more about the Aztec god, Quetzalcoatl. Voodoo Lady: Really sweet guy. Not at all as bloodthirsty as they make him out to be. Shorter than you might think. After all these questions are discussed... Guybrush: Thanks for your help. Gotta go! The elevator platform lowers down. [Try to give the pack of gum to Murray] Guybrush tosses the pack of gum to Murray, who chews it. Murray: Mmmmmmmm.... Murray blows the bubble while chewing. [Show the skeleton arm to Murray] Guybrush: Hey Murray, remember this? Murray: I'd still appreciate it if I could have that back. Guybrush: What would you do with it without your collarbone? Murray: Oh, never mind... [Show the skeleton arm to Murray again] Guybrush: Hey, Murray... Murray: Stop tormenting me! [If you use the paste with the skeleton arm and then show it to Murray...] Guybrush: Hey, Murray, check this out! Murray: (grossed out) Oh, ick. What have you done to my arm? Guybrush: Rubbed paste all over it. Murray: You are a sad, strange little man. [Use the skeleton arm with paste on Murray again] Murray: Get away from me, you sick freak. Guybrush exits the swamp and moves on to Puerto Pollo. There, he goes into The Barbery Coast, where he meets four people, and one of them near the exit door speaks. ?????????: Welcome, patron, to The Barbery Coast... Another man to the right of the speaker follows. ????: ...where every haircut is an adventure! A Scottish barber follows the conversation. ??????: Aye! If yer wantin' a haircut, ye'll have to wait until I'm finished with Captain Rottingham here. Guybrush: Are you guys pirate barbers? ?????????: We prefer the term "buccaneer hairstylists". Guybrush: Great! Maybe you guys can help me find this huge diamond ring I'm looking for! ??????: (confused) Diamond ring? Guybrush: (turns to the barber near the chair) Yeah! It's supposedly enormous, and it's on Blood Island! Rottingham: (the guy seated on the chair) Blood Island? ?????????: Never heard of it. Guybrush: It's a funny story, really: I need it to lift this curse that's turned my girlfriend into a solid gold statue! ????: Solid gold? Guybrush pauses for a bit, then... Guybrush: Wait a second. Did I just share too much? Guybrush goes on to talk to the dapper pirate. Guybrush: Ahoy there! I'm Guybrush Threepwood, mighty pirate. ?????????: Of course you are. Guybrush: Okay, then... who are you? ?????????: Edward Van Helgen. Guybrush: (surprised) Not THE... Van Helgen: That's right. Mine is the name that pirates fear the most. Edward "Snugglecakes" Van Helgen. Guybrush: Dude! *(after a brief pause)* How'd you like to join my ever-growing pirate crew? Van Helgen: Your crew? Why would I want to be on your crew? Guybrush: It's going to be a blast! We're going to Blood Island! Van Helgen: Sorry, Threepwood. As much as I'd love to be out at sea again... ...I could never serve a captain who wasn't a gentleman and who wasn't my equal. Guybrush: Gentleman? That's me all over! Van Helgen: Then prove it. If you can defeat me in a gentleman's duel, I'll join your crew. Guybrush: All right. Let's get to dueling! Van Helgen: No, no, no. There are rules. If you want to duel with me, you have to give me sufficient insult. Guybrush: Hmmm... okay. *(tries thinking up an insult, then...)* Hey, that's a nice shirt... How long have you been colorblind? Van Helgen: Oh. Please. Guybrush: Nice cologne you're wearing... Did you actually roll around in dung, or just dab a little behind each ear? Van Helgen: That's not the type of insult I had in mind. Guybrush: Did I mention you're a big old bed-wetting doody-head? Van Helgen: No, but I'm still not impressed. Guybrush: How appropriate. You fight like a cow. Van Helgen: THAT's an old one. Come back when you have some fresher material. Eh? Guybrush: I don't want to insult you! Why can't we just get along? *(after some pause)* You went from pirating to hairstyling. Why? Van Helgen: The music of the sea is something that takes hold of your soul and never lets go. But the life of a sailor is a rough one, and the sea shows no mercy. It was no easy choice to leave... ...but I realized that I could still enjoy the music of the sea while remaining safely on land. Guybrush: Through affordably-priced sea shanty compilation albums? Van Helgen: Err, no... Or: Guybrush: By hanging out at the docks and singing to passing sailors? Van Helgen: No, believe me, THAT doesn't work. Van Helgen continues the story... Van Helgen: By starting a barbershop quartet, obviously. Guybrush: Obviously. But there are only three of you. Van Helgen: Auditions didn't go as well as we'd hoped. We once had a tenor named Dominique, but he left. Artistic differences. Hmph! Guybrush: You still haven't explained why you chose hairstyling. Or: Guybrush: Oh, my feet are killing me. Van Helgen: What was that? Guybrush: Huh? Oh. I'm sorry, my mind was wandering. Please go on. Van Helgen: Well, we'd spent so much time coming up with a clever name for the shop... ...we realized we were going to have to give up singing and actually become barbers. But I still like to think that we're not just cutting hair... ...that maybe, just maybe, we're teaching people a little bit about themselves. Guybrush: Are you truly happy with this line of work? Van Helgen: I may return to the sea one day, but for now I'm happy helping pirates look their very best. At least until we find a fourth for our barbershop quartet. Guybrush: I could be the fourth for your barbershop quartet! Van Helgen: Uh, no, no. That's okay. Uh, I was wrong. We don't need one after all. Guybrush: Ah, come on! I've really got a way with a ballad! Van Helgen: All right, then. Let's hear what you've got. Guybrush starts thinking up ballads, thinking one of them would satisfy Van Helgen, maybe "'There's a Monkey in My Pocket' (a popular children's song)"; "'I've Got a Friend in the Ocean' (a popular pirate shanty)"; "'Plunder on My Mind' (a popular Caribbean island anthem)"; "'Wooden Leg, Restless Heart' (a popular romantic ballad)"; or "'Silver's Long Johns' (a popular commercial jingle)". He chooses "There's a Monkey in My Pocket", then starts warming up for a few seconds before singing, sometimes off-key. Guybrush: Oh, there's a monkey in my pocket, And he's stealing all my change. His stare is blank and glassy, I suspect that he's deranged.... Van Helgen: (appalled) Oh my dear sweet merciful savior in heaven! Guybrush: Pretty good, huh? Van Helgen: You must take an oath now, before man and God... ...that you will never ever again sing in public. Guybrush: So what are you telling me, exactly? *(after a pause again)* Let me try out for your barbershop quartet again! Van Helgen: No. Guybrush: Oh please! Please! The spirit of music is in me! Van Helgen: All right, but this is the last time. Guybrush chooses "I've Got a Friend in the Ocean" and, as usual, warms up for a few seconds, then... Guybrush: Once my old man spoke to good King Triton And asked "Why all this senseless fightin'? Why can't we men express emotion?" Now I've got a friend in the... [here, Van Helgen interrupts before Guybrush can finish] Van Helgen: Great sainted jumping monkeys! Guybrush: What do you think, huh? Van Helgen: That was even more atonal than last time! Guybrush is still persistent and speaks with him again. Guybrush: Let me try another song for your barbershop quartet! Van Helgen: (annoyed) Am I just not getting through to you, Threepwood? Guybrush: Come on, this time will be great. Trust me. Van Helgen: (reluctantly) If you insist. Guybrush chooses "Plunder on My Mind" and, as usual, warms up for a few seconds, then... Guybrush: Plunder, Plunder, how I wonder, How'd you get so doggone pretty? Home to sailors, barbers, tailors And Puerto Pollo, your capitol [sic] city... Van Helgen: (appalled again) Mother of all that we as humans hold sacred! Guybrush: Well...? Van Helgen: You're actually beginning to make me physically ill. Please, stop. Guybrush: (persistent again) Listen to me sing again. You'll love it this time. Van Helgen: I really really REALLY don't want to. Guybrush: No, believe me! I'm just getting warmed up. He chooses "Wooden Leg, Restless Heart", and, as usual, warms up for a few seconds, then... Guybrush: I'm hooked on you, baby, But the seas keep us apart. And there ain't no eyepatch big enough To cover up my broken heart... Van Helgen: (infuriated) Words! I need more words! Guybrush turns to Van Helgen before he continues. Van Helgen: My grasp of the language is not sufficient to describe the violent, retching nausea your singing is causing me to experience. Guybrush: I'm not following you -- is that a good thing? He goes for one more shot nevertheless. Guybrush: I've got one song left for you. It's a showstopper! Van Helgen: (annoyed) Okay, whatever. Guybrush goes for "Silver's Long Johns" and warms up for a few seconds once more. Yet, as he sings, Van Helgen gets nauseated by the singing. Guybrush: For those cold, dark shipboard nights, We've got boxers, briefs, and tights Made from cotton, silk, or satin, In styles Anglo, Dutch, and Latin, When you sail don't take a chance Wearing nothing 'neath your pants! Trust... Silver's Long Johns! (They breathe!) Van Helgen: (unimpressed) That's odd. Guybrush: (turns to him once more) What? What? You liked it? Van Helgen: No, no, no. It was dreadful. It's just that my queasiness has subsided... ...but now I'm beginning to taste metal and see spots before my eyes. I'm afraid that your singing is so bad that it has caused me to have a stroke. Guybrush resigns with the singing and continues on with the conversation. Guybrush: I bet you have a ton of cool pirate stories. Van Helgen: No, I couldn't... Guybrush: Come on! I'd really like to hear some of... Van Helgen: (starts abruptly) The year was 1675. We were on a course towards the wreck of The Rattling Phlegm. Our days were filled with songs of the voyage and the untold riches we'd find at our destination. Two months into our journey, we realized something was horribly wrong. Guybrush: Had your ship been placed under some kind of pirate curse? Van Helgen: Not as such, but we were cursed all the same. Or: Guybrush: Were you haunted by the spiteful ghost of a former captain? Van Helgen: No, a restless spirit would have been a welcome relief compared to the evil we faced. Van Helgen continues on with the story. Van Helgen: We were all stricken with a melody... ...a diabolical song that I shall never forget. *(sings out the "Monkey Island" theme song)* La la la la la la la... La la la la la la la la... Guybrush: Hey, that's kind of catchy! Van Helgen: Aye, all too catchy for a crew of fifty men confined to a ship hundreds of miles from port. No one could think of anything else, and many threw themselves into the sea rather than hear any more of the incessant humming. We returned with but eight of our crew left. The doomed voyage of The Obsessivo-Compulsivo will haunt me forever. Guybrush: Whoa! Look at the time. Gotta scoot. He next goes to the salty pirate and speaks with him. Guybrush: Ahoy there! I'm Guybrush Threepwood, mighty pirate. ????: So? Guybrush: So... it's good to meet you, Mister...? ????: (introduces himself) Bill. Guybrush: Bill? That's your pirate name? Bill? Bill: (turns toward Guybrush) Cutthroat Bill. Guybrush: Oh, I see. Well, that puts a whole new spin on it, doesn't it? A pause, then... Guybrush: Are you ever going back to pirating? Bill: Maybe. Someday. If I find the right captain. Guybrush: Perfect! I'll be your captain... onward to Blood Island and high adventure! Want to come? Bill: You? A captain? Hardly. Guybrush: I'm the mighty pirate who defeated LeChuck! Bill: And what do you have to show for it? Guybrush: (ponders) I've got a ton of cool stories... Bill: Treasure? Immense mounds of gold and diamonds? Solid gold scepters of power? Anything? Guybrush: Well, I've got these nickels. Bill: Wooden? Guybrush: Err, yeah. Bill: Some treasure hunter you are! You couldn't find gold in a jewelry shop. Guybrush: I bet I could find more gold than you've ever seen! Bill: How MUCH would you bet? Guybrush: Well, I've got these nickels. Bill: Right. Come back when you have some real treasure to show me. Guybrush: How'd you break into the hairstyling industry? Bill: I saw an ad to join a barbershop quartet. Got a problem with that? Guybrush: No! That must be very rewarding work. Bill: What's that supposed to mean? Guybrush: Mean? Just that... you know, cutting hair, and, err, singing must be just... a lot of fun. Bill: It's like a party every day. Somedays [sic] I just don't know how to contain my joy. I get giddy and the laughter bubbles out of me like a sparkling fountain of mirth and gaiety. Guybrush: Okay! New topic. *(after thinking a bit)* Do you really enjoy being a barber? Bill: It's a steady income. Guybrush: (thinks a bit again) Pirate stories. Got any? Bill: Okay, here's a story: I started out as a crewman on The Raging Tightwad, sailing out of Puerto Pollo. The captain was a master treasure hunter, a diviner from some ancient secret society. He had some weird fifth sense when it came to finding objects of value. Guybrush: Supernatural powers? I have a hard time believing that. Bill: I did, too... at first. Or: Guybrush: Is this going to be scary? Because I warn you, I've been known to leap into the arms of total strangers when startled. Bill: I have a razor. Guybrush: Good point. *(laugh)* Please go on. Bill continues the story. Bill: We left port without a map, guided only by the captain's keen senses. We spent the first week going around in circles... ...until we realized the crew's gold earrings were throwing the captain off. After we tossed all our jewelry, gold coins, and belt buckles overboard, we got back on course. Guybrush: Your captain sounds like a real freak show. Bill: Many of us on board started to think the same thing. Or: Guybrush: How long is this story, anyway? Bill: Long enough. Shut your hole. Guybrush: (embarrassed) Will do! Bill: (continuing) We sailed for two years, and had finally started back to Plunder Island. But just as we started to doubt him, he paid off. We found sunken treasure, right off the coast! Guybrush: Wait a second... was it an enormous pile of jewelry and gold coins and belt buckles at the bottom of the bay? Bill: Exactly! How did you know that? Guybrush: Eh, just had a feeling. *(a pause, then...)* Do you know any more pirate stories? Bill: Want the story of how I slit the throat of the annoying little pirate who kept asking me questions? Guybrush: Is something troubling you? *(a pause again)* Say, uh, whatcha eating there? Bill: Jawbreaker. Guybrush: Is it good? Bill: Yep. Guybrush: You don't say much, do you? Bill: Nope. Guybrush: That's a really good jawbreaker there, huh? Bill: Yep. Guybrush: Well. That's just terrific, isn't it? Bill: Yep. Guybrush: Boy, I sure could go for a jawbreaker right about now. Bill: Yep. Guybrush: (annoyed) I said, "I sure could go for a jawbreaker right about now." Bill: I hope you find one. Guybrush: You going to finish that jawbreaker? Bill: Sure am. Guybrush: Okay. Just checking. Nothing I love more than a good jawbreaker! Bill: Me too. Guybrush: (shrugs) Heh. See? When you look at it that way, we're really not all that different, you and I. Bill: Whatever. Guybrush: Could I have your jawbreaker? Bill: No. Guybrush: (resigns, then...) It's been a pleasure. Bye. After some pondering and an idea, he talks to Bill again. Guybrush: You know, I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me. I think we've, well, we've bonded. He then slaps Bill on the back, making him choke on the jawbreaker. Bill: Gnk... *(tries beating his chest to get the jawbreaker out, but coughs and chokes up)* ...trj... ...grfklbt... ...phrb... ...hack... ...knnk... ...cough... ...phrb... [Try talking to Bill while he's choked up] Guybrush: Hi. Bill: Hrmvlnt! [NOTE: If you leave Bill alone for a few minutes and leave him on The Barbery Coast before returning, Bill will turn purple and still struggle on the jawbreaker.] While Bill is still choking, Guybrush slaps him on the back again, making him cough up the jawbreaker out of his mouth and onto the floor, and Bill feels relieved. Bill: How did you do that? Guybrush: Oh, it was nothing, really. Just sudden pressure applied below the sternum to expel a foreign object from the windpipe. Bill: That's amazing! I owe you my life! From now on... Guybrush: Yes? Bill: From now on, that will be known as the Threepwood Maneuver. *(after a pondering pause)* Nah. Bill goes back to work, and Guybrush goes to the jawbreaker on the floor and picks it up. Finally, he moves on to the barber pirate to the far right and talks with him. Guybrush: Ahoy there! I'm Guybrush Threepwood, and I'm a mighty pi... Rottingham: (in an annoyed interruption) Quiet! Guybrush: (finishing the sentence) ...rate. Huh? Rottingham: Don't distract him while he's working on me! ??????: Aye, laddie. Ye'll have to wait yer turn. It's the pirate way. Guybrush decides to speak with Captain Rottingham. Guybrush: Ahoy there! I'm Guybrush Threepwood! Rottingham: I see. And I don't care. Guybrush: I'm a mighty pirate. Rottingham: HA! Guybrush: What did you mean, "Ha?" Rottingham: I meant just what I said: HA! If you're a mighty pirate, then I'm bald. Guybrush: I'm mighty enough to defeat LeChuck! Twice! Rottingham: LeChuck? Ha! Even if he is dead, there's just no excuse for that hair. Guybrush: So you're a ship captain, huh? Rottingham: Not just any ship captain. Don't tell me you've never heard of Captain René Rottingham. [NOTE: It's weird that in the earlier version noticable on ScummVM Rottingham's name is mislabelled as "Renee", which sounds more like a girl's name, if you ask me. This name is corrected in the game's final version.] Guybrush: I've never heard of Captain Rottingham. Rottingham: (interrupts) I'm only the most cunning and well-groomed captain ever to sail the Caribbean. Guybrush: Well, how'd you like to join my crew? Rottingham: Me? Serve on YOUR crew? Please, don't make me break into hysterical laughter while this buffoon is working on my hair. Guybrush: Why don't you want to join my crew? Rottingham: I serve under no man... or boy. Guybrush: (appalled) Now just one second... Rottingham: If there's any treasure to be found, I'm going to be the man to find it. And I'll look absolutely STUNNING while I'm doing it. Guybrush: Well, I didn't want you on my crew anyway. Rottingham: That's your loss. And boy? Lose the pony-tail. It's so... last year. Guybrush: Did you know you're starting to go gray? Rottingham: (furious) I most certainly am not! Guybrush: Eh, don't get me wrong. Gray hair suits you. Rottingham: It doesn't... I mean... of course it would... ...but uh, I don't have to worry about that for several years. Guybrush: If I were you, I'd worry more about those split ends. Rottingham: (surprised) Split ends? I'll have you know I've killed men for comments less slanderous than that. Guybrush: You've got a bald spot starting here in the back. Rottingham: (shocked) What?!? *(calms down)* You're lying, of course. Guybrush: If you say so. All I know is that there's definitely some kind of shine going on back here. *(after a brief pause)* You seem irritable. Is it from your dry scalp? Rottingham: My scalp is lovingly massaged with the finest creams and oils in the world, twice daily. Guybrush: Eeeh. THAT's a little more than I wanted to know. Rottingham: Your petty jabs and insults mean nothing to me. Guybrush: They're doing great things with dandruff shampoo these days. Rottingham: I suggest you leave, boy... ...before you force me to defend my honor. Guybrush: (with an alarmed look) Fire! Run for your life! Rottingham: (unfazed) I'm sure the authorities probably have the situation under control. But just in case, barber. More moisturizer! Guybrush: Rabid dogs are on the loose! Get out now! Rottingham: I don't hear anything. There are no rabid dogs on the loose. Guybrush: (disappointed) That's just what they WANT you to think! *(after a pause again...)* There's an ax-wielding maniac at the door! Flee! Rottingham: Hmm, perhaps you should offer yourself as a sacrifice so the rest of us may be saved. Guybrush: The calls are coming from within the barber shop! You must get out immediately! Rottingham: I have no idea what you're talking about. Leave us alone. Guybrush: (persistent) Storm's a-coming. Better get a move on. Could be a twister. Rottingham: Then I'm most definitely staying inside. The humidity does horrible things to my hair. Guybrush: Captain Rottingham? You're being paged. Rottingham: (annoyed) Take a message. Guybrush: You know, sitting down for too long can be unhealthy. It's a serious risk to your cardiovascular system. I think a nice jog could be just what you need right about now. Up and at 'em! Rottingham: (annoyed) Go away. Guybrush: (repeats) You know, sitting down for too long can be unhealthy. Rottingham: That's a risk I'll just have to take. Guybrush: (after some resignation) You seem busy. I'll come back later. Guybrush exits The Barbery Coast and examines the fountain. Guybrush: (reads) "In memory of the chickens who gave their lives... ...during the Great Puerto Pollo Potluck Jamboree of 1621." He goes into the back room of the Long John Silver Center for the Performing Arts and examines the pirate coat. Guybrush: Looks like a nice coat... ...with just a few flakes of unsightly dandruff. [Examine the dandruff] Guybrush: That's weird. I didn't think dandruff... ...moved... *(gets grossed out)* Oh! [If you pick up the dandruff before examining it] He picks up the dandruff. Guybrush: I'd hate people to think less of this guy just because of a slight problem with... Hey, this isn't dandruff... *(gets grossed out)* Oh! [Examine the lice] Guybrush: They're, uh, wiggling. He then examines the coat pocket. Guybrush: It looks like there's something inside the pocket of this coat. He opens the pocket. Guybrush: There's a glove in here. He takes the glove from the pocket. [Examine the magic hat] Guybrush: It's empty... ...or is it? He then goes to the magic wand. Guybrush: Watch me make THIS disappear. He takes the wand and goes to the hat with it. Guybrush: Nothing up my sleeve... He goes further from the hat toward the exit door, then pulls out the wand from his pocket and waves it around a bit before pointing it at the hat, which makes a "poof" sound and makes something appear. He puts the wand back in his pocket. Guybrush: Presto! Hey, it worked! There's something inside! He goes toward a ventriloquism book inside the hat and examines it. Guybrush: (reads) "The A-mfggh-C's of Ventriloquism" He takes the book, then looks at the Blood Island sticker on the suitcase. Guybrush: (laughs in excitement) Hey! It's a sticker from Blood Island! It says "Blood Island is for bleeders... ...a message from the Blood Island Tourism Council." Maybe the performer who owns this trunk knows how to get to Blood Island! [Examine the wig] Guybrush: It's very mod. [Use the magic wand on any item] Guybrush: The magic wand has no effect on that. [Use the ventriloquism book on the wig] Guybrush: It's a book about ventriloquism. Say hello to the folks, Harry! He takes out the book and throws out his voice as he reads it. Guybrush: (in ventriloquy) Hello, folks! *(closes the book and puts it away)*

[Use the book on the well-worn trunk] He takes out the book and throws out his voice as he reads it. Guybrush: (in ventriloquy) Please someone help! I'm trapped inside this trunk! [Use the book on the mirror] Guybrush: I don't want to throw my voice there. He goes east toward the stage, where he sees two actors there, and the actor on the left is reading a script near a hideous, fat pirate wearing a dress. Actor: (reads) "Ta swab, or not t'swab..." No, no... That's not right. [Use the ventriloquism book on the actor] Guybrush takes out the book and reads it again. Guybrush: (in ventriloquy) You're no actor! Get off the stage, ya bum! He closes the book and puts it away. Actor: (surprised) What!? Hideous Pirate: But I didn't... Actor: Just you be quiet and help me rehearse! *(talks to himself)* C'mon, Slappy! You've got to get this right. The show opens today! [Use the ventriloquism book on the actor again] Guybrush: That was funny once. Guybrush decides to speak to the actor on the left. Guybrush: Yo. I'm a dangerous pirate, who are you? Actor: Cromwell. Slappy Cromwell. It's not my real name, actually. My agent told me my given name just didn't have star quality. Guybrush: What was your given name? Slappy: Rex Fortune, Adventure Seeker. Guybrush: I see. *(a pause, then...)* What's that putrid stench-ridden drivel that you're rehearsing? Slappy: But this... this is the masterwork of the bard! Do you really think it's THAT bad? Guybrush: Do pirates drink grog? Slappy: (in despair) Oh, I knew I shouldn't have altered the material! How could I have taken up my wretched pen and stabbed it, bodkin-like, through the unsullied poetry of the master. Guybrush: You re-wrote Shakespeare? Slappy: I was compelled to! Not a single person was coming to any of my performances! Oh, these stupid, brutish pirates! Not men enough to confront their own sensitive inner natures! So I rewrote the whole folio! Contracted the brilliance of decades into a forty-five minute revue! He lifts his arm as he speaks out the name of the revue. Slappy: 'SPEARE! A theatrical medley. Guybrush: Why can't you go back to the original scripts? Slappy: Oh, the sweet, sweet, bitter irony of it all. Now that you have confirmed that I have produced a work of unredeemable trash... ...I'm more or less guaranteed to have a financial success on my hands. Guybrush: (turns around, clueless) Why do I find that strangely encouraging? *(turns back to Slappy)* Can I watch you rehearse your horrible play? Slappy: I'd rather you didn't. I get nervous when people watch. Guybrush: Of course. *(after a brief pause again)* C'mon. Let me watch you rehearse. Slappy: I'd rather you didn't. And stop whining. Guybrush: PUH-LEEZE can I watch you rehearse? Slappy: I'd rather you didn't. You might see the surprise ending to "Romeo and Juliet." Guybrush: Romeo and Juliet die. Slappy: Actually, that ending didn't set well with the focus groups. Guybrush: (still persistent) C'mon. Let me watch you rehearse. Slappy: I'd rather you didn't. Then you'll hear all the answers to my knock- knock jokes. Guybrush: PUH-LEEZE can I watch you rehearse? Slappy: I'd rather you didn't. [If you didn't talk to Van Helgen or sing in front of him first] Guybrush: (resigns a bit, then...) Can I join your show? Slappy: Let me be blunt... You just don't have the hands of a spear carrier. Guybrush: (shrugs) You have no idea how often I hear that. *(a pause, then...)* Acting is my life! Let me join your show! I was a tree in my kindergarten play. Slappy: (annoyed) We ALREADY have a tree. Guybrush: Oh. *(repeats again)* Acting is my life! Let me join your show! Slappy: Sorry, this is a one-man show. Hideous Pirate: Hey! What am I? Chopped liver? Slappy: (to the pirate) No, not liver. Liver has a more appealing stage presence. Guybrush: Of course, what I really want to do is direct. Slappy: Why? Guybrush: I've always dreamed of my own production... "Titus Andronicus on Ice!" Slappy: (smiles) Brilliant! [If you talked to Van Helgen and sang in front of him first] Guybrush: (resigns a bit, then...) Can I join your show? Slappy: (strict) Good heavens, no! I could hear your awful singing in the barbershop from way over here. Guybrush: PUH-LEEZE can I join your show? Slappy: (strict again) Good heavens, no! And stop whining. Guybrush: (persistent) Acting is my life! Let me join your show! Slappy: (strict again) Good heavens, no! Guybrush: (a bit of pause, then...) Have you been to Blood Island? Slappy: But of course! Blood Island was once THE place to be if you were an artist in the Caribbean. Those were the days. We were young and wild! Pushing the limits of our craft. Oh, what risky, daring performances we gave! We weren't afraid to shock or offend the stodgy, mainstream sensibilities of our audiences. Guybrush: Oh, what did you perform? Slappy: Dinner theater, mostly. Guybrush: Could you tell me how I can find Blood Island? Slappy: My agent, Palido Domingo, always handled the travel arrangements. He would know how to get there. Guybrush: Any idea where I could find him? Slappy: He's a member of the Brimstone Beach Club here on Plunder Island. You might catch him there. Guybrush: Carry on. Slappy goes back to reading again. Slappy: Then I kill Caesar... follow that up with a little soft shoe. While Slappy is rehearsing, Guybrush decides to talk with the hideous pirate, Stu Boyle. Guybrush: So how'd you get roped into doing this show? Boyle: I'm a spokesmodel, actually. But what I really want to do is act. People just don't take you seriously when you're a spokesmodel. Guybrush: How surprising. Boyle: Yeah. Isn't it? Guybrush: Break a peg-leg. Boyle: Thanks. As Guybrush is exiting the stage... Slappy: I don't remember. Is the water ballet before or after my mad scene? [Examine the plaque near the stage tree] Guybrush: (reads) "Prop Tree. Fake trees of this genus were often used by early settlers for theatrical productions." Slappy: (still reading) "A pirate, by any other name, would still reek! Aargh!" *(reads some more)* Next I burn Thebes, subdue its army, trample its citizenry... ...and then I smash the watermelon. [Talk to Slappy again] Guybrush: Excuse me... [The same conversation repeats again.] While Slappy is still rehearsing, Guybrush exits the stage and out of the back room of the theater. He goes to the Brimstone Beach Club and Smorgy. There, he checks on the Cabaña Boy. Guybrush: He's a member of the bustling Plunder Island workforce. Nevertheless, Guybrush decides to speak with him. Cabaña Boy: Yes. May I help you? Guybrush: My name is Guybrush Threepwood, and I'm a mighty pirate. Cabaña Boy: Threepwood? You must be "Seersucker" Skip Rackham's cousin. How are Muffy and the twins? Guybrush: (confused) Who? Cabaña Boy: Hey, it's a lovely afternoon for the beach today. Not too crowde