QOM, IRAN—Running into the bathroom with armfuls of the fissile material after spotting several United Nations nuclear inspectors approaching for a surprise visit, panicked scientists at Iran’s Fordow Fuel Enrichment Plant reportedly scrambled to flush more than 200 pounds of enriched uranium-235 down the toilet Monday. “Uh, uh, just a minute—I’m not feeling too well!” the facility’s frantic and heavily perspiring chief physicist, Dr. Yadollah Kashani, reportedly shouted through the closed bathroom door in response to several knocks from the U.N. inspectors, as he and his colleagues hurriedly flushed the toilet over and over until it became clogged with nuclear fuel and began to overflow. “Um. I’ll be out in a sec! Oh, I shouldn’t have eaten such spicy food!” At press time, a close-mouthed, puffy-cheeked Kashani had sheepishly shuffled out of the bathroom and was answering each of the U.N. inspectors’ questions by shaking his head yes or no.

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