Tensions are rising between Iran and America, following President Trump ordering the assassination of Iranian General Qassem Soleimani.

Members of the Consverative party have stood by Trump’s decision, and they are eager for war to break out.

This will enable them to forcibly draft DWP claimants and the homeless into the Army, greatly reducing unemployment stats, and increasing the lackluster Army recruitment figures.

“It’s a win-win basically,” said foreign secretary Dominic Raab, “We sort out the unemployment situation, and bolster our armed forces. And then we’ll win this war, so it’ll be a win-win-win. That’s three wins, one for every million dead Iranian civilians.”

Raab elaborated that DWP claimants would still receive benefits while blind firing at Iranian civilians, and that the homeless would get a “bottle of white lightning a day, or something like that”.

Raab told reporters that Britain is “on the same page” as the US in relation to Friday’s assassination.

That being page 1 of the ‘Big book of completely fucking up the Iran nuclear deal.’

Shadow Foreign Secretary Emily Thornberry said Washington’s decision to kill Suleimani in a drone strike in Iraq risked sparking a war in the Middle East.

“Not to be confused with the current war in the Middle East,” she elaborated “Or the other one. Or the other…”