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Hey there (Picture: Dave Anderson for Metro.co.uk)

We’ve all had good mates banished to the friendzone – whether or not you believe it.

And it can happen to the best of us.

Why you need to ditch the ‘friend’ who has friend zoned you

Certain stuck-up wenches, for whatever reason, think it’s acceptable to ‘Netflix’ without ‘chill’.

Don’t blame yourself – you’re perfect.


But there’s more than one way to fingerbang fair maiden.

From bribery to flattery, every woman has her price. Try these and you’ll see that the friendzone is but an illusion.

Or you know, go straight to number seven.

1. Bribery

That ought to do it (Picture: Getty)

All human relationships are transactional.

Buy her concert tickets, jewellery, or fancy foreign ice cream.



Everybody has their price.

2. Negging

A witty backhanded compliment should bring her to heel sharpish.

‘Your hair looks nice… for a change.’

All romance is psychological manipulation.

3. Flattery

Or ‘pozzing’ as we call it in the trade.

Women are suckers for approval.

Pick any feature – eyes will do – and lay it on with a f***ing trowel.

4. Jealousy

Classic (Picture: Getty)

Chicks are fiercely competitive

So if she thinks you’re nailing some rando, she’ll definitely fall for you.

Make sure you tell her, over and over, about your other conquests.

5. Scent

Sidestep her nagging doubts about your fundamental inadequacy with a lusty application of mail-order pheromone spay.

Failing that, a few squirts of Lynx Africa ought to do the trick

She’s only human.

6. Alcohol

Just the ticket (Picture: Getty)

Booze’s timeless reputation as makeshift aphrodisiac is not to be underestimated.

Just pop a bottle.

You’re welcome.

7. Or take a genuine interest in her hobbies and aspirations

Listening, being thoughtful and treating people with respect is really attractive, it turns out.

A good sense of humour, patience and courtesy also go a long way.

Maybe give it a whirl next time.

You f***ing douchebag.

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