The Annual Notting Hill Carnival Celebrations 2013

Men urinate on the gates of a mews street during the Notting Hill Carnival on August 26, 2013 in London, England.

(Photo by Matthew Lloyd/News/Getty Images)

On Monday, the Newport Police Department decided they had had enough of public urination.

"We've said it before, and it appears we need to remind people again," began the epic post on the Newport Police Department's Facebook page, "it is illegal to empty your bladder in an area that is not specifically designated for such activity."

In a essay worthy of publication, the post went on in more detail, dropping lines like: "If one cannot contain their bladder long enough to make it from one restroom or designated potty stop to the next, one must consider the probability that it may be time to invest in adult diapers."

The post was written by Kit O'Carra, a retired records clerk with the Newport Police Department who now does special projects and runs the Facebook page.

"She's just a godsend to us," said Kathleen Palmer, assistant to the Newport Chief of Police over the phone Tuesday. "She has an amazing sense of humor."

Palmer called O'Carra "the Guardian of Facebook" and told us she lives on "a little sailboat" in Newport and is also a photographer.

Her artistry is clear she gets to the main story of the Facebook post. Apparently, one "Mr. David Michael Schweer, 44 years old" was filmed "relieving his bladder on the afternoon of Sunday, August 21st on the side of someone's humble abode."

Let's stop to appreciate the commitment to voice and tone here. English majors, please take note.

It turns out that when Schweer emptied his bladder on the side of a home, he was committing "the crime of offensive littering (ORS 164.805)" (again, students, see how she cites her sources) by "intentionally draining, or causing or permitting to be drained, sewage or the drainage from a cesspool, septic tank, recreational or camping vehicle waste holding tank or other contaminated source."

"Perhaps," writes O'Carra, "Mr. Schweer was not aware that the human bladder is considered a waste holding tank."

Palmer said the post has so far reached 4,645 people, but it's clear that O'Carra's words are destined to reach many more.

"She's just very, very funny," said Palmer.

You can read the post for yourself, in its glorious entirety, here:

We’ve said it before, and it appears we need to remind people again – it is illegal to empty your bladder in an area... Posted by Newport Oregon Police Department on Monday, August 22, 2016

-- Lizzy Acker

503-221-8052

lacker@oregonian.com, @lizzzyacker