(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

CORRECTION: An earlier version of this article erroneously claimed that The Cut article was about author Alexa Tsoulis-Reay, when it was in fact an account told to her by another woman. This piece has been edited to reflect this. .

Life must be hard when you’re so stunningly beautiful you struggle to form meaningful relationships. I can’t say it’s a problem I’ve had in my life (swings and roundabouts eh).

While I’m keen not to invalidate others’ experiences, the idea that people hate you if you’re attractive has never been something I’ve seen among my certified hottie friends.



Those experiences are heavily publicised, though, and tend to rise to the top of the media agenda when they’re expressed in print.


Remember Samantha Brick? The woman so beautiful that people give her free stuff constantly, and women hate her ‘for no other reason than [her] lovely looks.’

Brick garnered huge criticism when her piece on the downsides of being attractive hit the headlines six years ago.

She blamed ‘insecure female bosses’ and ‘jealous wives’ for the problems with her female friendships, with some saying she was delusional about her own looks and others saying it seemed like a cop-out to blame everyone else for this.

The more recent incarnation of this is this piece, as told to Alexa Tsoulis-Reay for The Cut.

Less braggy than Brick’s, this article painted a lonely picture of what it’s like to be a perfect 10.

Women have made this interviewee cry constantly, lied about her, and excluded her at every opportunity.

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

The stereotype that women hate each other for their looks is not new.

The idea that women blessed with beauty are ‘intimidating’ or somehow a threat permeates popular culture.

The temptress, femme fatale, and the ambitious beauty willing to use her looks to her advantage – these are women we see constantly in film and television, and are told we should be wary of and even hate.

In relation to the woman featured in The Cut piece, Ellen Hendriksen, PhD, author of How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety says her treatment is likely down to the internal insecurities of those around her.

She says, ‘Women who conclude [she] ‘wins’ because she is beautiful are engaging in what’s called upward comparison, which is comparison to those we perceive as better off than ourselves.

‘At best, upward comparisons can lead to feeling inspired, but at worst, they can lead to feeling inadequate, jealous, and defensive.

‘Unfortunately, for the insecure among us, feeling inferior can lead to tearing others down in the attempt to build ourselves up.’

Sadly for people like this woman, there’s really nothing that be done about other people’s behaviour other than rising above it.

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

There does seem to be a sense of victimhood here, however, and not acknowledging any other outcome than it simply being ‘everyone else is jealous of me’.



Hendriksen does say that she believes the article subject’s looks made it difficult for this woman to form friendships or romantic relationships, but diplomatically concludes: ‘The truth is always complicated. Undoubtedly, other factors besides her looks contributed to her life unfolding the way it did.’

It’s quite a hard one to believe that every single woman in a person’s life has such low self-esteem that they can’t possibly even just be polite to them, and instead feel the need to sabotage them.

Some studies do show that as our perception of peoples’ attractiveness increases, so does our perception that they’ll have ‘negative or egocentric qualities’.

However, others say that we automatically perceive attractive individuals as ‘smarter, more successful, more sociable, more dominant, sexually warmer, and mentally healthier.’

This is known as the ‘beauty premium’ which suggests that conventionally beautiful people actually reap a number of social and professional benefits due to the way they look.

It’s a hard one to unpack, specifically because the circles we move in and the way we feel about ourselves can cloud how other people treat us (or how we perceive our interactions).

Teens can spend a lot of time creating an illusory image online and waiting for ‘likes'(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

If you’re coming at things thinking that everyone has negative intentions towards you, suddenly an admiring glance becomes a jealous stare, or someone acting shy because they feel you’re a stone-cold babe becomes them acting coldly because they hate you.

Similarly, if you assume that every piece of aggression directed towards you is simply because you’re pretty, you’ll fail to improve on a personal level.


Hendriksen says the best course of action for this person – and anyone else who is feeling this way – is to reflect on yourself as a person rather than just your exterior:

‘Rather than resigning herself to worthlessness, I wonder if this might be her moment – an opportunity to finally connect with women and men as who she is, rather than how she looks.’

Because that’s what it really comes down to. No one else can be you and inhabit your body.

If you feel like women hate you for your looks, there may be people that are simply jealous and unhappy in their own skin.

Although the preferable solution would be to change the way they feel, all you can control is yourself. Whether that means finding better companions (I’d strongly advise this – friends who lift you up and comment fire emojis under your every selfie are invaluable) or changing the way you value yourself is your own prerogative.

Looks are not all that a person is, and while there are advantages and disadvantages to being hot, you need to be comfortable that you’re not simply an outwardly beautiful vessel.

Live well and be a good person, and ignore those who are too insecure to see beyond the facade.

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