I am a single mom of a teenage son, and we are very close and open with each other. He has three friends from his previous school whom he still sees regularly. Recently he confided that the boys told him they had skipped school twice over a few weeks, renting bikes and riding from one end of town to another to spend the day at one of the boy’s homes while his parents were working. I sat with this information for a day and then felt compelled to call the boys’ parents. My rationale was that I have known them for years, and if the roles were reversed, I would want to get the call. I asked the parents not to divulge where they were getting their intelligence, but unfortunately they threw my son under the bus. He is livid with me. He said that he shared this information with me privately and that I betrayed him. He said that he will never tell me anything ever again and that I have destroyed his friendships. I stuck to my guns and apologized only for not explaining to him earlier that, as the grown-up, I have a responsibility to report things when I think others may be putting themselves in harm’s way. What do you think? Name Withheld

Your resentment toward these other parents for throwing your son “under the bus” may be justified, but you should have foreseen that your actions were likely to implicate him: How many people were in a position to know? And though you’re clearly pleased by the openness of your relationship with him, he will have noticed that it wasn’t reciprocated. Wouldn’t it have been a good idea to discuss your intentions with him before you made the calls? He’s old enough that he might have had relevant things to say in making the case for not doing so: e.g., that because he was likely to be fingered as the source, you were about to blow up his friendship with these kids, who no doubt would complain to other classmates about his snitching, thereby jeopardizing his social standing at an age when that’s a carefully tended thing. And for what?

You mention nothing that suggests these boys were actually in danger. Yes, they were deceiving their parents and their school, but what they were up to sounds like the tamest of truancies. They weren’t laying plans to deal fentanyl; more likely they were leveling up in Fortnite. And you’ve made it less likely that your own son will trust you with this sort of information again.

Given the quality of your relationship, he’ll probably forgive you eventually, though he’s reaching an age when you should expect him to share less information with you anyway. That’s part of growing up. You’re a loving mom with an easy-to-love kid. But soon enough you’ll need to leave the helicopter parked on the tarmac.

I am the owner of a small business with just a few employees. I maintain a very positive work environment and rely on their skilled and dedicated work to keep the business running. It would be very disruptive if any of them left, and they would be hard to replace. I received a message for one of them on the firm’s voice mail from a staffing company, which suggests that he may be looking for a new position. I would do whatever I can to retain him. But is it ethical for me to broach the subject, having intercepted a call that was intended for him? Name Withheld



It is, yes. Unless you’ve left something significant out of the story, you didn’t come by the information by doing anything wrong. Any displeasure he may have about the disclosure should be directed at the indiscreet people at the staffing company. It certainly shouldn’t be directed at you. In fact, he should be delighted to learn that you value his services and want him to stay.