AN A-level student with disappointing exam results has used the ‘clearing’ system to find a place in Jeremy Corbyn’s shadow cabinet.

After failing to achieve the two B-grades needed to study business and tourism at Roehampton University, Nikki Hollis will become the new shadow transport secretary.

Hollis said: “It could be worse, my mate Wayne just smoked weed for the last two years and didn’t turn up for half his exams and now he’s deputy leader of the Lib Dems.

“University doesn’t start for another month so I’ve plenty of time to come up with a public transport strategy, have it ignored by Jeremy, get masses of online abuse from his supporters, resign and still find a course somewhere.”

Labour listed its shadow cabinet posts on the UCAS clearing website after struggling to fill them with sitting MPs who had not already resigned, were irredeemably stupid or had told Corbyn to ‘go piss on his bike’.