Brazenly and without warning, God—the creator of the universe—descended from heaven to visit Earth today. His first stop: the headquarters of the American Humanist Association in Washington, DC.

“Obviously there were better reasons to visit the nonbelievers than go see my devoted followers,” said God. “The American Humanist Association was perfect—they’re all a bunch of godless heathens over there.”

The AHA staff was skeptical that God was standing on their doorstep, so they asked him in and demanded further proof. “I wouldn’t believe him at first, but then he turned our water cooler into wine-on-tap,” said Director of Communications Maggie Ardiente. “Now that’s what I call a miracle!”

God further explained his reason for the visit. “More and more people, especially among the younger generation, are doubting my existence,” he lamented. “I’ve only got 131,000 followers on Twitter. Kim Kardashian has 20 million. What’s up with that?”

On his way out, God grabbed a wine and asked Ardiente, “Who’s your new PR guy? He looks really familiar.”

Learn more.