

Envocation to Priapus: 19th Century Engraving of a Bas-Relief from Pompeii

PRIAPEIA

sive diversorum poetarum in Priapum lusus

or

SPORTIVE EPIGRAMS ON PRIAPUS

by divers poets in English verse and prose

translation by Leonard C. Smithers and Sir Richard Burton

[1890]

Scanned at www.sacred-texts.com, December, 2000.

{NOTE: this has been scanned from available versions of the Smithers and Burton Priapeia, which lack the Latin version, and merged with a Latin version found on the Internet, which does not include some of the final epigrams and has a slightly different ordering from the English translation. About a dozen additional Latin verses were provided by Ken Butler. We have taken care to match the Latin and English verses. The original edition is hard to obtain, but we will attempt to update this file if such an edition becomes available. This file probably contains 99% of the material in the original Smithers and Burton edition; at this time only about four Latin verses are missing.

Despite the disclaimer in the Introduction, it can be established fairly easily that Burton authored the 'Notes explanatory and Illustrative and Excursus'; it bears his unique style and knowledge of erotology, as well as numerous shameless 'plugs' for his other books.}

Contents

Introduction

A Word to the Reader

THE EPIGRAMS

To the Reader

Additional Epigram

NOTES EXPLANATORY AND ILLUSTRATIVE AND EXCURSUS

List of terms used in the Priapeia as designations of Priapus

List of term used in the Priapeia to designate the virile member of Priapus

Alphabetical list of additional terms used by Latin authors in designation of the male sexual organ

List of terms used in the Priapeia to designate the female sexual organ

Alphabetical list of additional terms used by Latin authors in designation of the female sexual organ

Sodomy with Women

Erotic Classical Writers

List of agricultural and horticultural terms used tropically in a venereal sense

Sodomy

Irrumation

The Supine Posture in Coition

Dancing Girls

Masturbation

Depilation by Catamites

Braccae

Bestiality

Postures of Coition

Infibulation

The Cunnilinges

Index of First Lines

I have such papers that grim Cato's wife

May read, and strictest Sabines in their life.

I will this book should laugh throughout and jest,

And be more wicked than are all the rest,

And sweat with wine, and with rich unguents flow,

And sport with boys, and with the wenches too;

Nor by periphrasis describe that thing

That common parent whence we all do spring;

Which sacred Numa once a prick did call.

Yet still suppose these verses Saturnal.

(O my Apollinaris) this my book

Has no dissembled manners, no feign'd look.

--FLETCHER'S Martial

Introduction

The Priapeia, now for the first time literally and completely translated into English verse and prose, is a collection of short Latin poems in the shape of jocose epigrams affixed to the statues of the god Priapus. These were often rude carvings from a tree-trunk, human-shaped, with a huge phallus which could at need be used as a cudgel against robbers, and they were placed in the gardens of wealthy Romans, for the twofold purpose of promoting fertility and of preventing depredations on the produce.

Most of these facetiae are by unknown authors. Although they appear in early editions of Vergil, and are attributed to that writer by J. M. Catanaeus, it is, to say the least, doubtful that he played any part in their authorship. Politian attributes them to Ovid; others, such as François Guiet, hold Domitius Marsus to be their author. The general opinion is that they are the collective work of a group of beaux esprits who formed a reunion at the house of Maecenas (the well known patron of Horace), and who amused themselves by writing these verses in a garden-temple consecrated to Priapus. Subsequently Martial and Petronius added several imitative epigrams, and eventually the whole were collected in one volume by the writer of the opening verses. Catullus, Tibullus, Cinna and Anser are also credited with a share in the work. The cento consists chiefly of laudatory monologues by Priapus himself, jocosely and satirically written, in praise of his most prominent part--the mentule--and of fearful warnings to thieves not to infringe upon the Garden God's domains under pain of certain penalties and punishments, obscene and facetious. At times a witty epigram sparkles from the pages, notably numbers 2, 14, 2 5, 37, 47, 69 and 84, the Homeric burlesque in number 69 being merum sal, whilst numbers 46 and 70 show a degree of pornography difficult to parallel.

That the Priapeia has not hitherto been translated into the English tongue is to be expected: the nature of the work is such that it cannot, be included in a popular edition of the classics. But to the philological and anthropological student this collection is most valuable, and the reason for omitting it from the list of translations is not applicable to a version produced for private circulation and limited to an edition of five hundred copies. Putting aside conventionalities, the translators have endeavoured to produce a faithful reflection of the original Latin, shirking no passages, but rendering all the formidably plain-spoken expressions in a translation as close as the idioms of the two languages allow. Indeed the keynote to the volume will be found in Epigrams 1 and 46, on pages 33 and 70, verses probably scrawled on the temple walls of Priapus or scribbled upon the base of his statue by some libertine poet.

Although the value of the work in illustrating the customs of the old Romans may be small per se, yet when read in conjunction with the legacies of certain writers (Catullus, Petronius, Martial, Juvenal and Ausonius, for example), it explains and corroborates their notices of sundry esoteric practices, and thus becomes a supplement to their writings. With the view of making the work an explanatory guide to the erotic dicta of the authors above-mentioned, the bulk of the notes and the excursus explaining and illustrating the text and exceeding its length by some five times is devoted to articles on pederasty with both sexes, irrumation, the cunnilinges, masturbation, bestiality, various figurae Veneris (modes and postures of coition, particularly that in which the man lies supine under the woman); excerpts from the Latin erotic vocabulary, including exhaustive lists of Latin terms designating the sexual organs, male and female; a list of classical amatory writers, and a host of miscellaneous matters, e.g. the habits of the Roman dancing-girls, eunuchism, tribadism of the Roman matrons, the use of phalli, religious prostitution, aphrodisiacs, the 'infamous' finger, tabellae or licentious paintings, the fibula as a preventive of coition, the crepitus ventris, etc., etc., illustrated by poetical versions of many of the epigrams culled from various sources, by parallel elucidatory passages (many hitherto untranslated) from classical writers, and by quotations from authors, ancient and modern.

English literary students have good reason to congratulate them selves on the collaboration of a certain talented littérateur, the mere mention of whose name would be a sufficient guarantee for the quality of the work. He has most kindly enriched the volume with a complete metrical version of the epigrams, and this is, indeed, the principal raison d'être of this issue. I have also gratefully to acknowledge obligations of no small weight, not only for his careful and thorough revision of the prose portion of the translation, but also for the liberal manner in which I have availed myself of his previous labours in the preparation of my notes and excursus. The name of Sir Richard F. Burton, translator of The Book of the Thousand Nights and a Night, has been inadvertently connected with the present work. It is, however, only fair to state that under the circumstances he distinctly disclaims having taken any part in the issue.

And here I may state that a complete and literal translation of the works of Catullus, on the same lines and in the same format as the present volume, is now in preparation. Catullus is, of all the Latin poets, the one who has been oftenest paraphrased and traduced, and even yet, in the year of grace 1890, we have no version of him in our tongue which can be regarded by the student as definitive. Of the merits of Catullus's poesy and the desirability of a trustworthy translation there is no need to speak.

A long dissertation on Priapic worship, the Linga-pújá of the Hindus, considered as an ancient and venerable faith, would be out of place in this recueil; consequently that subject is merely glanced at in the next few pages, most of the information here presented being drawn from modern volumes which contain a digest of the writings of well-known authorities and specialists.

In the earliest ages the worship of the generative Energy was of the most simple and artless character, rude in manner, primitive in form, chaste in idea, the homage of man to the Supreme Power, the Author of Life, the Sun, as symbolised by the reproductive force.

Afterwards the cult became depraved, a religion of feeling, of sensuousness, corrupted by a priesthood who, not slow to take advantage of this state of affairs, inculcated therewith profligate and mysterious ceremonies, union of gods with women, religious prostitution and other sexual rites. Thus it was not long before the emblems lost their real and original meaning, and became licentious statues and debased art.[1] Hence we have the debauched ceremonies at the festivals of Bacchus, who became, not only the representative of the creative

[1. Sir R. F. Burton, in his paper read before the Anthropological Society on 'Certain Matters connected with the Dahoman', describes the Dahoman Priapus as 'a clay figure of any size between a giant and the pigmy, crouched upon the ground as if contemplating its own attributes. The head is sometimes a wooden block, rudely carved, more often dried mud, and the eyes and teeth are supplied by cowries. A huge penis, like a section of a broomstick, projects horizontally from the middle.']

Energy, but the god of pleasure and licentiousness.

This corrupted religion readily found eager votaries, captives to a pleasant bondage compelled by the impulse of physical luxury: such was the case in India and Egypt, and among the Phoenicians, Babylonians, Hebrews and other Eastern races.

Sex-worship once personified became the supreme and governing deity, enthroned as the ruling god over all; and monarchs, complying with the prevailing faith, became willing devotees to the cult of Isis and Venus on the one hand, and on the other of Bacchus and Priapus, appealing, as they did, to the most tyrannical passion of human nature.

The worship of Priapus amongst the Romans was derived from the Egyptians, who, under the form of Apis, the Sacred Bull, adored the generative Power of Nature; and as the syllable pri or pre signifies (we are assured) principle, production, natural or original source, the word Priapus may be translated principle of production or of fecundation of Apis. The same symbol also bore among the Romans the names of Tutenus, Mutinus[1] and Fascinum.[2] According to Macrobius, the corresponding deity amongst the Egyptians was called Horus--a personification of the sun. This Horus is painted as a winged youth, with a quoit lying at his feet, a sceptre in his right hand, and in his left a Phallus[3] equal in size to the rest of his body. The Phallus was the ancient emblem of creation, and representative of the gods Bacchus, Priapus, Hercules, Siva, Osiris, Baal and Asher, who were all Phallic deities, the symbols

[1. According to Festus, Mutinus or Mutenus is a god differing wholly from Priapus, having a public sanctuary at Rome, where the statue was placed sitting with penis erect. Newly-mated girls were placed in his lap, before being led away to their husbands so that the deity might appear to have foretasted their virginity, this being supposed to render the bride fruitful. In Primitive Symbolism we read, 'The Romans named Mutinus or Tutenus, the isolated Phallus, and Priapus, the Phallus affixed to a Hermes.' 2. Fascinum primarily means a bewitching, an enchantment. It gained its topical meaning from a custom practised by the ancients of hanging a Phallus round the neck of children as a charm or preventive against witchcraft, and hence the word became synonymous with penis. 3. Phallus, or privy member (membrum virile), signifies 'he breaks through or passes into'; German (pfahl); English (pole); of Phoenician origin, the Greek word, pallo--'to brandish preparatory to throwing a missile'; in Sanskrit, phal--'to burst, to produce, to be faithful', 'a ploughshare', and also the names of Shiva and Mahadeva, who are Hindu deities of destruction. The kteis, or female organ, as the symbol of the passive or reproductive powers of nature, generally occurs on ancient Roman monuments as the concha Veneris, a fig, barley, corn and the letter delta.]

being used as signs of the all-creative Energy or operating Power of the Demiurgos, from no consideration of mere animal appetite but in token of the highest reverence.[1] The tortoise, believed to have been androgynous, was chosen to accompany statues of Venus. The fig was a still more common symbol, the statue of Priapus being made of that tree, and the fruit being carried with the Phallus in the ancient processions to the honour of Bacchus. In conformity with the religious ideas of the Greeks and Romans, Vergil describes the products of the globe as the result of the conjugal act between Jupiter (the sky) and Juno (the earth). Among the Greeks, the membrum virile was borne in procession to the temple of Bacchus and was there crowned with a garland by one of the most respectable matrons of the city. According to St Augustine the sexual organ of man was consecrated in the temple of Liber, that of women in the sanctuaries of Liberia, these two divinities being named father and mother. Payne Knight states that Priapus, in his character of procreative deity, is celebrated by the Greek poets under the title of Love or Attraction, the first principle of Animation, the father of gods and men, the regulator and dispenser of all things. He Is said to pervade the universe with the motion of his wings, bringing pure light, and thence to be called 'the splendid, the self-illumined, the ruling Priapus'. According to Natalis Comes, the worship of Priapus was introduced into Athens by express order of an oracle.

The Priapi were of different forms, some having only a human head and the Phallus, some with the head of Pan or of a faun--that is, with the beard and ears of a goat. Among the paintings found in Pompeii there are several representations of hircine sacrifices and offerings of milk and flowers to Priapus. The god is represented as a Hermes on a square pedestal, with the usual characteristic of the deity, a prominent Phallus. Similar Hermae or Priapi were placed at the forkings of two or three roads, and were confounded with the divinities Mercury and Terminus presiding over boundaries. When furnished with arms, in his character of 'Terminus', Priapus held with one hand a reaping hook and, like Osiris, grasped with the other the characteristic feature of his divinity which was always of a monstrous size and in a state of statant energy. One of the paintings discovered at Pompeii represents a sacrifice or offering to Priapus, made by two persons. The first is a young man with a dark skin, entirely naked, except for the animal's skin

[1. Survivals of this worship may be seen in our maypole, the steeple, the ecclesiastical cross, etc.]

which is wrapped round his loins, his head being encircled with a wreath of leaves. He carries a basket wherein are flowers and vegetables, the first offerings of his humble farm; and he bends to place them at the foot of a little altar, on which there is a small statue in bronze representing the god of gardens. On the other side is a woman, also wearing a wreath, and dressed in a yellow tunic with green drapery; she holds in her left hand a golden dish and in her right a vase and she appears to be bringing an offering of milk:

Sinium lactis et haec te liba, Priape, quotannis

Expectare sat est; custos es pauperis horti.

VERGIL, Eclogues

Offerings were made to Priapus according to the season of the year:

Vere rosa, autumno pomis, oestate frequentor

Spicis: una mihi est horrida pestis hiems

Epigram 86

In another painting Priapus is represented as placed on a square stone, against which rest two sticks. His head is covered with a cap, he has a small mantle on his shoulder, and exhibits his usual prominent characteristic.[1] According to Herodotus and Pausanias statues of Mercury were represented as ithyphallic,[2] and the latter mentions one in particular at Cyllene.

In the towns Priapus had public chapels, whither devotees suffering from maladies connected with his attributes repaired for the purpose of offering to him ex-votos figuring the parts afflicted; these ex-votos being sometimes paintings and, at others, statuettes made of wax or of wood, and occasionally of metal, stone and marble. Females as superstitious as they were lascivious might be seen offering in public to Priapus as many garlands as they had had lovers. These they would hang upon the enormous phallus of the idol, which was often hidden from sight behind the number suspended by one woman alone. Others presented to the god as many phalli, made of willow-wood, as the men whom

[1. The statue is evidently placed by the roadside, and holds a stick in its hand to point out the way to travellers. 2. Ithyphallus, a piece of wood shaped like the erect virile member, which was carried about in the festivals of Bacchus. Hence, applied to Priapus, who was represented with an erect member. Priapus was also called Triphallus (triphallos), a threefold phallus, an immense phallus, on account of the extraordinary size of his member.]

they had vanquished in a single night. St Augustine informs us that it was considered by the Roman ladies a very proper and pious custom for young brides to seat themselves upon the monstrous member of Priapus; and Lactantius says, 'Shall I speak of that Mutinus, upon the extremity of which brides are accustomed to seat themselves in order that the god may appear to have been the first to receive the sacrifice of their modesty?'

These facts prove that the worship of Priapus had greatly degenerated amongst the Romans since, losing sight altogether of the object typified, they attached themselves to the symbol alone, in which they could see only what was indecent; and hence religion became a pretext for libertinism. Respected so long as Roman manners presented their pristine simplicity, but degraded and vilified in proportion as the morals of that people became corrupted, the very sanctuary itself of Priapus failed to protect him from the biting sarcasm of the poets, and the obloquy and ridicule of the wits. Thus his statue[1] was placed in orchards as a scarecrow to drive away superstitious thieves, as well as children and birds.

The 'personal' history of Priapus represents him as the son of Dionysus and Aphrodite. It is said that Aphrodite, who was in love with Dionysus, went to meet him on his return from India, but soon abandoning him, made for Lampsacus, and there gave birth to her child by the god. Hera, who was dissatisfied with her conduct, caused her to bear a babe of extreme ugliness, who was presently named Priapus. The earliest Greek poets, as Homer and Hesiod, do not mention this divinity, and it was only in later times that he was honoured with divine worship. He was adored more especially at Lampsacus on the Hellespont, whence he is sometimes called Hellespondiacus.[2] By some writers Priapus is said to have been the son of Dionysus and a nymph called Chione. He was regarded as the promoter of fertility both in vegetation and in all animals connected with an agricultural life, and in this capacity he was addressed as the protector of sheep and goats, of bees, of the vine, of all garden produce and even of fishing. Like other divinities presiding

[1. The statue of Priapus was generally chopped roughly out from the trunk of a standing tree. It was usually shaped from fig-tree wood, dry oak or cypress; sometimes of marble or even of wheaten dough. 2. The enormous size of his member so endeared him to the women of Lampsacus that their husbands banished him from the city, whereupon a fell disease attacked their pudenda and continued until, by the oracle's command, he was recalled and crowned as the garden god.]

over agricultural pursuits, he was believed to be possessed of prophetic powers and he is sometimes mentioned in the plural. As Priapus had many attributes in common with other gods of fertility, the Orphics identified him with their mystic Dionysus, Hermes, Helios and others. The Attic legends connect Priapus with such sensual and licentious beings as Conisalus, Orthanes and Tychon; in like manner he was confounded by the Italians with Mutunus or Muttunus, the personification (as has been shown) of Nature's fructifying power. The sacrifices offered to him consisted of the firstlings of gardens, vineyards and fields; of milk, honey, calves, rams, asses and fishes. He was represented by carved images, mostly in the form of Hermae, carrying fruit in the sinus of the garment and either a sickle or cornucopia in the hand; the statues of Priapus in Italy, like those of other rustic divinities, were usually painted red, whence the god is called ruber or rubicundus.[1] A chief seat of the worship of this god was Priapus, a city of Mysia, on the Propontis, a colony of the Milesians; in Spain he was worshipped under the name of Hortanes, and in Slavonia under the appellation of Pripe-gala.

Antwerp was the Lampsacus of Belgium, Priapus being the tutelary god of that city; Ters was the name given to him by the inhabitants, who held this divinity in the highest veneration. Females were accustomed to invoke him on the most trivial occasions, a custom which, Goropius informs us, continued as late as the sixteenth century; and in order to eradicate or replace that superstition by the ceremonies of the Christian Church, Godefroy de Bouillon, the illustrious leader of the First Crusade, sent from Jerusalem, as a present of inestimable value, the foreskin of Jesus Christ, of which no less than twelve are still said to be extant.

Sir W. Hamilton's account of the worship paid to St Cosmo and St Damiano is very curious:

On the 17th September, at Isernia, one of the most ancient cities of the kingdom of Naples, situated in the Contado di Molise, and adjoining the Abuzzo, an annual fair is held which lasts three days. In the city and at the fair, ex-votos of wax, representing the male parts of generation, of various dimensions, sometimes even of the length of a palm, are publicly exposed for sale. There are also waxen vows that represent other parts of the body; but of these there are few in comparison with the Priapi.

The distributors of these vows carry a basket full of them in one

[1. The Hindus follow a similar custom of painting their gods with vermilion.]

hand, and hold a plate in the other to receive the money, crying out, 'Saints Cosmos and Damiano!' If you ask the price of one, the answer is 'Più ci metti, più meriti'--the more you contribute, the more the merit The vows are chiefly purchased by the female sex and they are seldom such as represent legs, arms, etc., but most commonly the male parts of generation. The person who was at the fête in the year 1780, and who gave me this account (the authenticity of which has since been confirmed to me by the Governor of Isernia), told me also he heard a woman say, at the time she presented a vow, 'Santo Cosmo, benedetto, cosi lo voglio!'--'Blessed St Cosmo, let it be like this!' The vow is never presented without being accompanied by a piece of money, and is always, kissed by the devotee at the moment of presentation.

But, as might naturally be expected, this ghostly voluptas does not suffice to fructify barren women; and, consequently, another ceremony, doubtless more efficacious, was required. The votaries who resorted to this fair slept there for two nights, some in the Church of the Capuchin friars and the others in that of the Cordeliers; when these two were insufficient to contain all the devotees, the Church of the Hermitage of St Cosine, received the overflow.

In the three edifices the women during the two nights were separated from the men, the latter lying under the vestibule, and all the others in the chapels. These, whether in the Church of the Capuchins, or in that of the Cordeliers, were under the protection of the father guardian, the vicar, and a monk of merit. In the Hermitage it was the hermit himself who watched over them. From this it may easily be imagined how the miracle was effected without troubling St Cosmo and St Damiano, as well as that the virtue possessed by these two saints extended to young maidens and widows.

In the neighbourhood of Brest stood the chapel of the famous Saint Guignole or Guingalais, whose Phallic symbol consisted of a long wooden beam, which passed right through the body of the saint, and whose forepart was strikingly characteristic. The devotees of this place, like those of Puy-en-Velay, most devoutly rasped the extremity of this miraculous symbol, for the purpose of drinking the scrapings, mixed with water, as an antidote against sterility; and when, by the frequent repetition of this operation, the beam was worn away, a blow from the mallet in the rear of the saint propelled it to the fore. Thus, although it was being continually scraped, it appeared never to diminish, a miracle due exclusively to the mallet.

I will conclude this hasty sketch of the Priapic cult with a brief description of the Dionysia, or festivals celebrated in honour of Bacchus, which throw considerable fight on this worship. They were brought from Egypt into Greece by Melampus, the son of Amithaon, and the Athenians celebrated them with more pomp than the other Greeks. The principal Archon presided over diem, and the priests who celebrated the religious rites occupied the first places in the theatre and in the public assemblies. Originally these festivals exhibited neither extravagance nor splendour, they were simply devoted to joy and pleasure within the houses; all public ceremonies were confined to a procession, in which there appeared a vase full of wine and, wreathed with vine leaves, a goat, a basket of figs and the Phalli. At a later period this function was celebrated with greater pomp; the number of priests of Bacchus increased; those who took part therein were suitably dressed, and sought by their gestures to represent some of the customs which faith attributed to the god of wine. They dressed themselves in fawn skins; they wore on head a mitre; they bore in hand a thyrsus, a tympanum or a flute and their brows were wreathed with ivy, vine leaves and pine-branches. Some imitated the dress and fantastic postures of Silenus, of Pan and of the Satyrs; they covered their legs with goatskins, and carried the horns of animals; they rode on asses, and dragged after them goats intended for sacrifice. In the town this frenzied crowd was followed by priests carrying sacred vases, the first of which was filled with water, then followed young girls selected from the most distinguished families, and called Canephori, because they bore small baskets of gold full of all sorts of fruit, of cakes and of salt; but the principal object among these, according to St Croix, was the Phallus, made of the wood of a fig tree. (In the comedy of the Acharnians, by Aristophanes, one of the characters in the play says, 'Come forward a little, Canephoros, and you, Xianthias, slave, place the Phallus erect.')

After these came the Periphallia, a troop of men who carried long poles with Phalli[1] hung at the end of them; they were crowned with violets and ivy, and they walked repeating obscene songs. These men

[1. In the Thesaurus Eroticus Linguae Latinae, four kinds of Phalli are described: 1 Those made of wood, chiefly of the fig tree, used at the festivals of Priapus and Bacchus. 2 Those of glass, ivory, gold and silken stuffs and linen, which Giraldus tells us were used by the Lesbian women to satisfy their passions. 3 Wheaten images shaped like the male pudenda. 4 Drinking vessels of gold or glass of a like shape.]

were called Phallophori;[1] these must not be confounded with the Ithyphalli, who, in indecent dresses and sometimes in women's costume, with garlanded heads and hands full of flowers, and pretending to be drunk, wore at their waist-bands monstrous Phalli made of wood or leather; among the Ithyphalli also must be counted those who assumed the costume of Pan or the Satyrs. There were other persons, called Lychnophori, who had care of the mystic winnowing-fan, an emblem whose presence was held indispensable in these kinds of festivals. Hence the epithet 'Lychnite', given to Bacchus.

Outside the town, the more respectable persons, the matrons and modest virgins, separated themselves from the procession. But the people, the countless multitude of Sileni, of Satyrs and of Nymph-bacchantes, spread themselves over the open spaces and the valleys, stopping in solitary places to get up dances or to celebrate some festival and making the rocks re-echo with the sound of drums, of flutes, and more especially with cries, constantly repeated, by which they invoked the god: 'Evohé Sabæe! Evohé Bacche! O Iacche! Io Bacche!' The first of these words recalls the words with which Jupiter encouraged Bacchus when, in the Giants' War, the latter defended his father's throne.

The description here given applied chiefly to the greater Dionysia, or to the new Dionysia; there were six other festivals of this name, the ceremonies of which must have borne some resemblance to those already mentioned. There were, in the first place, the ancient Dionysia, which were celebrated at Limnae, and in which appeared fourteen priestesses called Geraerae, who, before entering on their duties, swore that they were pure and chaste. There were the lesser Dionysia, which were celebrated in the autumn, and in the country; the Brauronia of Brauron, a village of Attica; the Nyctelia, whose mysteries it was forbidden to reveal; the Theoina; the Lenean festivals of the wine press; the Omophagia in honour of Bacchus Carnivorus, to whom human victims were formerly offered, and whose Priests ate raw meat; the Arcadian, celebrated in Arcadia by dramatic contests; and, lastly, the Trieterica, which were repeated every three years in memory of the period during which Bacchus made his expedition to further Ind.

The Bacchic mysteries and orgies are said to have been introduced from Southern Italy into Etruria, and thence to Rome. Originally they were celebrated only by women, but afterwards men were admitted, and

[1. Herodotus speaks of these Phallophori in the festivals of Bacchus as men who bore statues of a cubit's length, with members almost equal in size to the rest of their bodies.]

their presence led to the greatest disorders. In these festivals, the Phallus played a prominent part, and was publicly exhibited. At Lavinium the festival lasted a month, during which time a Phallus, remarkable for its proportions, was carried each day through the streets. The coarsest language was heard on all sides and a matron of one of the most considerable families placed a wreath on this suggestive image.

Pacula Annia, pretending to act under the inspiration of Bacchus, ordered that the Bacchanalia should be held during five days in every month. It was from the time of these orgies being carried on after this plan that, according to the statement of an eye-witness (Livy xxxix, 13), licentiousness prevailed and crimes of every description were committed. Disorder was carried to such an excess that the Senate in 186 B.C. issued a decree to suppress and prohibit these festivals; and it was ordered that no Bacchanalia should be held in Rome or in Italy.

I may here offer a few bibliographical details on the principal editions of the Priapeia. Five leaves in some copies of the Editio Princeps of Vergil (Rome, 1469) contain part of the work and a complete reproduction (nine leaves) is in the second edition of Sweynheym and Parnnartz, also published in Rome (1470). Other early editions of Vergil, presumably issued under authority, which contain the Priapeia are those of Venice, 1472 (Virgilii opera, necnon reliqua opuscula, cum priapeiis); Milan 1472; sine loco, 1472, 1473, by L. Achates; Rome, 1473, Milan, 1474; Milan, Zarot, 1475; Vicenza, 1476; and Venice (in aedib. Aldi), 1501. Other Aldine editions of Vergil do not contain such recueil, but this famous family of printers issued in 1517 (and reprinted in 15 34) Diversorum veterum poetarum in Priapum lusus, with other pieces falsely attributed to Vergil. The work is also found with the corrections of J. Avantius in the edition of Catullus, Tibullus and Propertius, published in Venice in 1500, in folio. The edition of Martial given by Gruter in 1600 (reprinted 1602, 1619, etc.), the edition of Deux Ponts (1784), and that issued in 1804 (Vindobonae, 2 volumes, 8vo) all contain these poems; as also do some editions of Petronius, notably that of Paris, 1601; Amsterdam, 1669 (the text of which edition the translators have used in preparing the present volume); Paris, 1677; Amsterdam, 1677 (32mo); and the edition of Deux Ponts. In the Vergil of Basle, 1613, the Priapeia is inserted, and a portion is to be found in volume ii, pp. 203-30 of the Meursius of 1770 (Birminghamiae). The separate editions of the Priapeia sive diversorum poetarum in Priapum lusus are Francof., 1596, 1606; cum Scaligeri commentariis ac F. Lindenbruch notis, Batavii (Amst.), 1654, 1664, 1667, 1694; s. 1. 1780, 1781. The edition of 1606 contains the commentary of G. Scioppius: and there are added five epigrams and Heraclii et aliorum epistolae de prupudiosa Cleopatrae libidine. In 1781 was published Priapeia sive diversorum poetarum in Priapum lusus aliaquae incertorum poemata emendata et explicata. Acc. Episolae de priapismo s. propudiosa Cleopatrae libidine, Jos. Scaligeri versiones duorum Priapeiorum et Index (cur. J. C. Anton, Lipsiae, 8vo). In the recueil published by François Noël under the title of Erotopaegnion, sive Priapeia veterum et recentorum, Veneri jocosae sacrum (Paris, 1798, in 8vo), these poems occupy pages 1-85 of the first part of the volume. Modem editions are the version printed in Weber's Corpus Poet. Lat., 1833; the variorum edition published in 1853 (J.A. Wernicke, Thoruni, 8vo) which contains the notes of Scaliger, Lindenbruch and P. Burmann; the Liber Priapeiorum, edited by F. Büchelor, added to his edition of Petronius (1862); and two editions privately printed in England in 1888 and 1889, under the imprint of Athens, the former of which contains, in addition to the text, a translation into English prose with notes, etc. In the Berlin (1827, tome i, pages 206 et seq.) and other editions of Lessing may be found a dissertation by him on the subject. In 1866, M. Gustave Brunet issued a little volume under the tide of Les Priapeia, Note de Lessing, translated from the German with a commentary by Philomneste Junior (Bruxelles, Mertens, 12mo; published for J. Gay). Müller's Catullus (Leipzig, Teubner, 1870) may also be consulted; and many carmina inscribed to Priapus are to be found in the Greek Anthology, the French translation of which, published in 1863 (2 Volumes, 12mo), includes about thirty of these pieces, mostly, however, of an innocent nature.

NEANISKOS

July 1890

A Word to the Reader

In the Priapieia sive diversorum poetarum in Priapum Lusus, the friend with whom I have the pleasure to collaborate has come upon 'treasure trove', in the shape of a sprightly Latin cento of humour peculiarly Italic, most interesting to anthropologists and humanists and--rarer merit--undeflowered by the translator. He has made the most of his trouvaille providing the booklet with a history and a bibliography and illustrating, in copious notes and excursus, the Priapic cult and the manners and customs of the Roman days so quaintly depicted in these old (monkish?) pages. In brief, he has monopolised the learned and literary side of the epigrams, and he has assumed the whole responsibility thereof.

My share of the labour is on a scale much humbler. A 'cute French publisher lately remarked to me that, as a rule, versions in verse are as enjoyable to the writer as they are unenjoyed by the reader, who vehemently doubts their truth and trustworthiness. These pages hold in view one object sole and simple, namely to prove that a translation, metrical and literal, may be true and may be trustworthy.

As Captain Burton has told the public (Camoëns: Life and Lusiads; ii, 185-98), it has ever been his ambition to reverse the late Mr Matthew Arnold's peremptory dictum: 'In a verse translation no original work is any longer recognisable.' And here I may be allowed to borrow from the same writer's Supplemental Arabian Nights, vol vi, appendix pages 411-12 (a book known to few and never to be reprinted), his vision of the ideal translation which should not be relegated to the Limbus of Intentions.

My estimate of a translator's office has never been of the low level generally assigned to it, even in the days when Englishmen were in the habit of translating every work, interesting or important, published out of England, and of thus giving a continental and cosmopolitan flavour to their literature. We cannot at this period expect much from a 'man of letters' who must produce a monthly volume for a pittance of £20; of him we need not speak. But the translator at his best, works, when reproducing the matter and the manner of his original, upon two distinct lines. His prime and primary object is to please his reader, edifying him and gratifying his taste; the second is to produce an honest and faithful copy, adding naught to the sense or abating aught of its especial cachet. He has, however, or should have, another aim wherein is displayed the acme of hermeneutic art. Every language can profitably lend something to and take somewhat from its neighbours--an epithet, a metaphor, a naive idiom, a turn of phrase. And the translator of original mind who notes the innumerable shades of tone, manner and complexion will not neglect the frequent opportunities of enriching his mother-tongue with novel and alien ornaments which shall justly be accounted barbarisms until formally naturalised and adopted. Nor will any modern versionist relegate to a footnote, as is the malpractice of his banal brotherhood, the striking and often startling phases of the foreign author's phraseology and dull the text with well-worn and commonplace English equivalents, thus doing the clean reverse of what he should do. It was this beau idéal of a translator's success which made Eustache Deschamps write of his contemporary and brother bard, 'Grand Translateur, noble Geoffrey Chaucier'. Here 'the firste finder of our fair language' is styled 'a Socrates in philosophy, a Seneca in morals, an Angel in conduct and a great Translator'--a seeming anti-climax which has scandalised not a little sundry inditers of 'Lives' and 'Memoirs'. The title is no bathos; it is given simply because Chaucer translated (using the term in its best and highest sense) into his pure, simple and strong English tongue, with all its linguistic peculiarities, the thoughts and fancies of his foreign models, the very letter and spirit of Petrarch and Boccaccio.

For the humble literary status of translation in modern England and for the shortcomings of the average English translator, public taste or rather caprice is mainly to be blamed. The 'general reader', the man not in the street but the man who makes up the educated mass, greatly relishes a novelty in the way of 'plot' or story or catastrophe, while he has a natural dislike of novelties of style and diction, demanding a certain dilution of the unfamiliar with the familiar. Hence our translations in verse, especially when rhymed, become for the most part deflorations or excerpts, adaptations or periphrases, more or less meritorious, and the 'translator' has been justly enough dubbed 'traitor' by critics of the severer sort. And he amply deserves the injurious name when ignorance of his original's language perforce makes him pander to popular prescription.

But the good time which has long been coming seems now to have come. The home reader will no longer put up with the careless caricatures of classical chefs d'oeuvre which satisfied his old-fashioned predecessor. Our youngers, in most points our seniors, now expect the translation not only to interpret the sense of the original but also, when the text lends itself to such treatment, to render it verbatim et literatim, nothing being increased or diminished, curtailed or expanded. More over, in the choicer passages, they so far require an echo of the original music that its melody and harmony should be suggested to their mind. Welcomed also are the mannerisms of the translator's model, as far as these aid in preserving, under the disguise of another dialect, the individuality of the foreigner and his peculiar costume.

'Mat this high ideal of translation Is at length becoming popular now appears in our literature. The Villon Society, when advertising the novels of Matteo Bandello, Bishop of Agen, justly remarks of the translator, Mr John Payne, that his previous works have proved him to possess special qualifications for 'the delicate and difficult task of transferring into his own language at once the savour and the substance, the matter and the manner of works of the highest individuality, conceived and executed in a foreign language'.

In my version of hexameters and pentameters I have not shirked the metre, although it is strangely out of favour in English literature, while we read it and enjoy it in German. There is little valid reason for our aversion; the rhythm has been made familiar to our ears by long courses of Greek and Latin and the rarity of spondaic feet is assuredly to be supplied by art and artifice.

And now it is time for farewelling my friends.

We may no longer (alas!) address them with the

ingenuous ancient imperative, Nunc plaudite!

OUTIDANOS

To the Reader

Carminis incompti lusus lecture procaces,

conveniens Latio pone supercilium.

non soror hoc habitat Phoebi, non Vesta sacello,

nec quae de patrio vertice nata dea est,

sed ruber hortorum custos, membrosior aequo,

qui tectum nullis vestibus inguen habet.

aut igitur tunicam parti praetende tegendae,

aut quibus hanc oculis adspicis, ista lege.

Thou, who be ready to read these cultureless sallies of singing,

Lower awhile yon brow suiting the Latian pride:

Here in this fane dwells not or Phoebus' sister or Vesta,

Neither the deity sprung forth of the patrial poll;

But the red guard of our garths, with organ grosser than rightful

Aye of his privities nude, guiltless of covering gear.

So with thy tunic hide what part is made to be hidden,

Or with what eyes see the parts deign these my lines to peruse.

Do thou, who art about to read these wanton sallies of careless verse, lay aside the brow befitting Latium.[1] Not Phoebus's sister, not Vesta in her sanctuary, nor that Goddess sprung from her father's brain,[2] dwells here: but the ruddy Protector of our Gardens, larger membered than is usual, and who has his groin covered by no garment. Therefore, either spread thy tunic over that part which 'tis meet to conceal; or with the same eyes that thou lookest upon it, peruse these.

[1. The poet commemorates the three goddesses, Diana, Vesta and Minerva, whose perpetual virginity knew no man. 'Callimachus, in a Hymn to this Goddess [Diana], represents her as asking Jove for perpetual chastity and many names; attributes which seem rather discordant to us, who are taught to esteem a number of aliases as not connected with any virtue. However, she thought the distinction of value, for she preserved it more carefully than Jove's other gift. Minerva is, I believe, of all heathen goddesses the only one of quite unimpeached chastity, except the Furies.'--The Poems of Caius Valerius Catullus, trans. George Lamb, 1821. 2. It has been thought that the penis of Priapus was reddened by its exposure to the weather, and its normal condition of rigid tension. This is not so. It was painted red. Pliny has a curious passage on the custom practised by the early Romans of adorning the faces of their gods, and even the bodies of their triumphant generals, triumphantumque corpora, with red paint. Camillus, he says, followed that fashion when he triumphed. The Hindus use vermilion extensively in painting their gods.]

1

To Priapus

Ludens haec ego teste te, Priape,

horto carmina digna, non libello,

scripsi non nimium laboriose.

nec Musas tamen, ut solent poetae,

ad non virgineum locum vocavi.

nam sensus mihi corque defuisset

castas, Pierium chorum, sorores

auso ducere mentulam ad Priapi.

ergo quicquid id est, quod otiosus

templi parietibus tui notavi,

in partem accipias bonam, rogamus.

In play, Priapus (thou canst testify),

Songs, fit for garden not for book-work, I

Wrote and none over-care applied thereto.

No Muses dared I (like the verseful crew)

Invite to visit such unvirginal site.

For heart and senses did forbid me quite

To set the choir Pïérian, chaste and fair,

Before Priapus' tool--such deed to dare.

Then whatsoe'er I wrote when idly gay,

And on this Temple-wall for note I lay,

Take in good part--such is the prayer I pray.

For pastime, and with little care, have I written these verses, thee attesting,[1] O Priapus--verses worthy a garden,[2] not a little book! Nor have I, as poets are wont, invoked the Muses to this unvirginal spot. For I had neither mind nor heart for the emprise, to bring the chaste sisters, the chorus of Pïérides, to the mentule[3] of Priapus. Therefore, whatever it is I have jotted in an idle hour on the walls of thy temple, take it in good part, I pray thee.

[1. Possibly with a punning allusion to testicles.

2. A double entendre intended to be conveyed by the word 'garden'.

3. The male member--mentula.]

2

Priapus

Obscure poteram tibi dicere: 'da mihi, quod tu

des licet assidue, nil tamen inde perit.

da mihi, quod cupies frustra dare forsitan olim,

cum tenet obsessas invida barba genas,

quodque Iovi dederat, qui raptus ab alite sacra

miscet amatori pocula grata suo,

quod virgo prima cupido dat nocte marito,

dum timet alterius vulnus inepta loci.'

simplicius multo est 'da pedicare' Latine

dicere: quid faciam? crassa Minerva mea est.

Darkly might I to thee say: Oh give me for ever and ever

What thou may'st constantly give while of it nothing be lost:

Give me what vainly thou'lt long to bestow in the days that are coming

When that invidious beard either soft cheek shall invade;

What unto Jove gave he who, borne by the worshipful flyer,

Mixes the gratefullest cups, ever his leman's delight;

What on the primal night maid gives to her love-longing bridegroom

Dreading ineptly the hurt dealt to a different part.

Simpler far to declare in our Latin, Lend me thy buttocks;

What shall I say to thee else? Dull's the Minerva of me.

Covertly I might say to thee, 'Give me what thou may'st continually give, without anything being thence lost to thee. Give to me what thou wilt, perchance, vainly long to give in time to come, when the envious beard invades thy youthful checks; what he gave to Jove, who, carried off by the sacred bird, now mingles luscious cups for his Royal lover; what the virgin-bride gives on the first night to her eager husband, while she is senselessly fearing the wound in another part.' 'Tis much simpler to say, in plain English, 'Give me thy buttocks!'; how else can I put it? Mine is a dull brain.

3

To Priapus

Obscenas rigido deo tabellas

dicans ex Elephantidos libellis

dat donum Lalage rogatque, temptes,

si pictas opus edat ad figuras.

These tablets, sacred to the Rigid God,

From Elephantis' obscene booklets drawn,

Lalage offers and she prays thee try

To ply the painted figures' every part.

Lalage dedicates a votive offering to the God of the standing prickle, bringing pictures from the shameless books of Elephantis, and begs him to try and imitate with her all the different coitions of the painted figures.

4

On Priapus

Quam puero legem fertur dixisse Priapus,

versibus hic infra scripta duobus erit:

'quod meus hortus habet, sumas impune licebit,

si dederis nobis, quod tuus hortus habet'.

All the conditions (they say) Priapus made with the youngling

Written in verses twain mortals hereunder can read:

'Whatso my garden contains to thee shall be lawfullest plunder

If unto us thou give whatso thy garden contains.'

Hereunder is written in two verses the condition which Priapus is said to have made with a boy:

Whate'er my garden has is freely thine,

If to my will thy garden[1] thou'lt consign.

[1. A likening of the lad's posteriors to a garden.]

5

Priapus

Quod sum ligneus, ut vides, Priapus

et falx lignea ligneusque penis,

prendam te tamen et tenebo prensum

totamque hanc sine fraude, quantacumque est,

tormento citharaque tensiorem

ad costam tibi septimam recondam.

Though I be wooden Priapus (as thou see'st),

With wooden sickle and a prickle of wood,

Yet will I seize thee, girl! and hold thee seized

And This, however gross, withouten fraud

Stiffer than lyre-string or than twisted rope

I'll thrust and bury to thy seventh rib.

Though I am, as you see, a wooden Priapus, with wooden reaping-hook and a wooden penis; yet I will seize thee, and when thou art caught [my girl], I will enjoy thee. And the whole of this,[1] large though it be, and stiffer than twisted cord, than the string of the lyre, I will surely bury in thee to thy seventh rib.

6

Priapus

Cum loquor, una mihi peccatur littera; nam te

pe-dico semper blaesaque lingua mihi est.

Oft in my speech one letter is lost; for Predicate always

Pedicate I pronounce. Reason--a trip of the tongue!

Whenever I speak, one word slips me; for, talking with a lisp, I always say instead of praedico, paedico![2]

[1. Which he held in his hand.

2. Instead of saying 'praedico', meaning 'I warn you not to trespass', he lisps and says 'paedico', meaning 'I am sodomising you'.]

7

Priapus

Matronae procul hinc abite castae:

turpe est vos legere impudica verba.-

non assis faciunt euntque recta:

nimirum sapiunt videntque magnam

matronae quoque mentulam libenter.

Matrons avoid this site, for your chaste breed

'Twere vile these verses impudique to read.

They still come on and not a doit they heed!

O'ermuch these matrons know and they regard

With willing glances this my vasty yard.

Go far hence, ye virtuous wives, 'tis unseemly for you to read lewd verses.[1] They care not an as [for my words],[2] and straightway approach. Verily these matrons are sensible, and look joyfully, too, on the well-grown mentule.

[1. The obscene inscriptions scrawled on the base of his statue. 2. A Roman copper coin of small value.]

8

Priapus

Cur obscena mihi pars sit sine veste, requiris?

quaere, tegat nullus cur sua tela deus.

fulmen habet mundi dominus, tenet illud aperte;

nec datur aequoreo fuscina tecta deo.

nec Mavors illum, per quem valet, occulit ensem,

nec latet in tepido Palladis hasta sinu.

num pudet auratas Phoebum portare sagittas?

clamne solet pharetram ferre Diana suam?

num tegit Alcides nodosae robora clavae?

sub tunica virgam num deus ales habet?

quis Bacchum gracili vestem praetendere thyrso,

quis te celata cum face vidit, Amor?

nec mihi sit crimen, quod mentula semper aperta est:

hoc mihi si telum desit, inermis ero.

'Why be my parts obscene displayed without cover?' thou askest:

Ask I wherefore no God careth his sign to conceal?

Wieldeth the Lord of the World his thunderbolt ever unhidden,

Nor is trident a-sheath given to the Watery God:

Mars never veileth that blade whose might is his prevalent power,

Nor in her tepid lap Pallas concealeth the spear:

Say me, is Phoebus ashamed his gold-tipt arrows to carry?

Or is her quiver wont Dian in secret to bear?

Say, doth Alcides hide his war-club doughtily knotted?

Or hath the God with the wings rod hidden under his robe?

When did Bacchus endue with dress his willowy Thyrsus?

Who ever spied thee, Love! wilfully hiding thy torch?

Ne'er be reproach to myself this mentule ever uncover'd:

Lacking my missile's defence I shall be wholly unarm'd.

Why are my privy parts without vesture? you demand. I ask why no God conceals his emblem? The Lord of the World [Jupiter] has his thunderbolt, and holds it unconcealed; nor is a covered trident given to the God of the Sea [Neptune]. Mars does not secrete the sword by whose means he prevails; nor does Pallas's spear lie hid in the warm bosom of her robe. Is Phoebus ashamed to carry his golden arrows? Is Diana wont to bear her quiver secretly? Does Alcides conceal the strength of his knotted club? Has the winged God [Mercury] his caduceus under his tunic? Who has seen Bacchus draw his garment over the slender thyrsus; or thee, O Love, with hidden torch? Nor should it be a reproach to me that my mentule is always uncovered. For if this spear be wanting to me, I am weaponless.

9

Priapus

Insulsissima quid puella rides?

non me Praxiteles Scopasve fecit,

nec sum Phidiaca manu politus;

sed lignum rude vilicus dolavit,

et dixit mihi: 'tu Priapus esto'.

spectas me tamen et subinde rides?

nimirum tibi salsa res videtur

adstans inguinibus columna nostris.

Why laugh such laughter, O most silly maid?

My form Praxiteles nor Scopas hewed;

To me no Phidian handwork finish gave;

But me a bailiff hacked from shapeless log,

And quoth my maker, 'Thou Priapus be!'

Yet on me gazing forthright gigglest thou

And holdest funny matter to deride

The pillar perking from the groin of me.

Why, most foolish girl, do you laugh? Neither Praxiteles[1] nor Scopas[2] has given me shape, nor have I been perfected by the hand of Phidias;[3] but a bailiff carved me from a shapeless log, and said to me, 'You are Priapus!'[4] Yet you gaze at me, and laugh repeatedly. Doubtless it seems to you a droll thing--the 'column' standing upright from my groin.

[1. Praxiteles, according to Pliny, lived in the time of Pompeius: his statue of Venus was very famous. 2. Scopas was a celebrated sculptor in marble and carved in relief on the Mausoleum. 3. Phidias was a renowned ivory sculptor. 4. The statue was so badly carved that the sculptor had to explain what his work was intended to represent.]

10

Priapus

Ne prendare, cave, prenso nec fuste nocebo,

saeva nec incurva vulnera falce dabo:

traiectus conto sic extendere pedali,

ut culum rugam non habuisse putes.

'Ware of my catching! If caught, with rod I never will harm thee

Nor to thee deal sore wound using my sickle that curves.

Pierced with a foot-long pole thy skin shall be stretched in such fashion

Thou shalt be fain to believe ne'er had a wrinkle thine arse.

Take heed lest thou art caught. If I do seize thee, nor with my club will I belabour thee, nor cruel wounds with the curved sickle will inflict on thee. Thrust into by my twelve-inch I pole, thou shalt be so stretched that thou wilt drink thy anus never had any wrinkles.

11

Priapus

Quaedam haud iunior Hectoris parente,

Cumaeae soror, ut puto, Sibyllae,

aequalis tibi, quam domum revertens

Theseus repperit in rogo iacentem,

infirmo solet huc gradu venire

rugosasque manus ad astra tollens,

ne desit sibi, mentulam rogare.

hesterna quoque luce dum precatur,

dentem de tribus exscreavit unum.

'tolle' inquam 'procul ac iube latere

scissa sub tunica stolaque rufa,

ut semper solet, et timere lucem,

qui tanto patet indecens hiatu,

barbato macer eminente naso,

ut credas Epicuron oscitari'.

A she (than Hector's parent longer aged,

Sister to Cumae's Sibyl seemeth me;

Equal to thee whom, to his home returned,

Theseus found lying in the fosse a-cold!)

Hither with tottering gait is wont to come;

And, wrinkled hands upraising to the stars,

Begs that she'll never fail a yard to find;

And, as yester'een she prayed ere daylight fled

One of three teeth she happened out to crache.

'Bear it afar (cried I) and let it lurk

Beneath thy tattered robe and tawny stole;

(Fen as 'tis ever wont); and dread the fight

Of meagre jaws which ope with such a gape--

By hairy nostrils capped and eminent nose--

Thou hadst deemed to see an Epicurean yawn.'

A certain hag, more aged than the mother [Hecuba] of Hector (the sister, I opine, of the Cumaean Sibyl), old as thou whom Theseus when he came back home found lying in the grave, often comes hither with tottering steps, and lifting her shrivelled hands to the stars, begs that she may not lack the mentule. In yesterday's fight too, while praying, she spat out one of her three teeth. Take it far away, I say, and bid it he concealed under thy tattered tunic and thy scarlet stole, as 'tis its custom; let it shun the fight of thy meagre jaws, which, thy hairy nose in the air, gape with a chasm so foul and enormous that you would. think an Epicurean was yawning.

12

Priapus

Percidere puer, moneo: futuere puella:

barbatum furem tertia poena manet.

Thou shalt be pedicate (lad!), thou also (lass!) shalt be rogered;

While for the bearded thief is the third penalty kept.

I warn thee, my lad, thou wilt be sodomised; thee, my girl, I shall futter;[1] for the thief who is bearded, a third punishment[2] remains.

[1. Futuere. Used frequently by Martial. Derived from fundo, to pour out (the semen). 2. Tertia poene in the Latin original meaning irrumation, or coition with the mouth.]

13

Priapus

Huc huc, quisquis es, in dei salacis

deverti grave ne puta sacellum.

et si nocte fuit puella tecum,

hac re quod metuas adire, non est.

istuc caelitibus datur severis:

nos vappae sumus et pusilla culti

ruris numina, nos pudore pulso

stamus sub Iove coleis apertis.

ergo quilibet huc licebit intret

nigra fornicis oblitus favilla.

Here' Here! nor dare expect (whoe'er thou be)

To 'scape the Lecher God's fane venerand;

And, if a damsel lay the night with thee,

From this my presence fear not to be bann'd

Fen as the sterner Gods of Heaven command.

The Ne'er-do-wells and paltry gods are we

Of rural worship and 'spite modesty

Aye under Jove with balls a-bare we stand:

Then enter whoso hither entry seek

Reckless of bawdy-house's blackened reek!

Hither, hither, whoever thou art, to the venerable sanctuary of the lecherous God, nor think to be turned away. And if a girl were with thee in the night, 'tis no reason why thou shouldst fear to approach my altar; though it is otherwise with the stem Gods above.[1] I am a good-for-naught, a paltry rustic deity of scant culture. I stand in the open air, my modesty thrust aside, My bollocks exposed to view. Therefore, 'tis permitted to enter hither all who will, besmirched with the black filth of the stews.[2]

[1. The ancients thought that those defiled by carnal coition generally were precluded from worship of the gods until they had been purified by bathing. 2. In the stews, they had lamps hanging, on the back part of which was expressed, hieroglyphically, to whom they were dedicated. Many of these lamps bore phallic emblems: I have seen one on the upper part of which was a sculpture representing Leda in the act of coition with the swan. The Satyricon of Petronius Arbiter and the Satires of Juvenal and Horace all speak of the Roman brothels, which were constructed in the form of a gallery along which were ranged, on each side like a nunnery, a number of contiguous cells or chambers. Over the door of each of these was posted a bill with the price and name of the tenant, who stood at the entrance soliciting the preferences of the visitors.]

14

Priapus

Commisso mihi non satis modestas

quicumque attulerit manus agello,

is me sentiet esse non spadonem.

dicat forsitan haec sibi ipse: 'nemo

hic inter frutices loco remoto

percisum sciet esse me', sed errat:

magnis testibus ista res agetur.

Charged to my charge the fieldlet who shall dare

With hand not modest anywise molest,

Me fox no eunuch he shall know and feet.

Here in a distant place the hurst amid

He peradventure to himself shall say--

'None! saw me so misused.' But he is wrong:

These huge attestors shall the cause maintain.

He who shall plunder with dishonest hand the little field committed to my charge, shall feel me to be no eunuch[1] in this lonely place among the bushes. Here, perhaps, he will say this to himself, 'None will know that I have been thrust through.'[2] He will be mistaken; that cause will be sustained by 'weighty' witnesses![3]

[1. Martial and Juvenal have many references to eunuchism and the use to which the Roman ladies put these castratos, who were of various kinds: castrati (castare, meaning to cut oft)--those who had lost both penis and testicles; spadones (either spata, a Gallic word meaning a razor, or Spada, a Persian village where the operation of eunuchism is performed)--those who still retained the penis; thlibiae (from the Greek meaning to rub with hemlock, etc.)--those whose testicles had been extracted by compression; thliasiae (from the Greek meaning to crush); cremaster (so called from the destruction of the muscle, cremaster, by which the testicle is suspended or drawn up or compressed in the act of coition); and bagoas. The subject scarcely calls for extended notice in this work, but I would refer those interested in the subject to The Book of the Thousand Nights and a Night, translated by Sir Richard F. Burton. 2. Praecidere (literally meaning to cut off). Here means to cut through the bowels. It has a similar meaning in Juvenal--'to run against yesterday's supper'. Like expressions are billas dividere, 'to divide the bowels', and cacare mentulam, 'to defile the mentule with ordure'. 3. In the original, magnis testibus, meaning trustworthy witness; and, by a play upon words, large testicles.]

15

To Priapus

Qualibus Hippomenes rapuit Schoeneida pomis,

qualibus Hesperidum nobilis hortus erat,

qualia credibile est spatiantem rure paterno

Nausicaam pleno saepe tulisse sinu,

quale fuit malum quod littera pinxit Aconti,

qua lecta cupido pacta puella viro est:

taliacumque pius dominus florentis agelli

imposuit mensae, nude Priape, tuae.

Rare as those apples wherewith Hippomenes Schoeneïs ravished;

Fair as the fruits that enfam'd Garths of the Hesperid maids;

Fen as one fancies the lot which, pacing her patrial vergers,

Nausicaä full oft bare in her well-fillèd lap;

Sweet as the pome whereon Acontius limnèd the letters

Which being read his Fair pledged to her love-longing swain;

Such be the fruits that youth who owneth the flourishing fieldlet

Placed on the table of stone, naked Priapus! for thee.

As the apples with which Hippomenes raped the daughter of Schoeneus;[1] for which the garden of the Hesperides was renowned; which one may imagine Nausicaa[2] often carrying in her teeming lap as she walked in her father's domains; as was that apple graced by the words of Acontius, which, read aloud [by Cydippe], pledged the maiden to this ardent lover[3]--such are those which the boy-owner of a small but fertile field has placed on thy sacrificial table, O naked Priapus.

[1. Referring to the story of the race between Hippomenes and Atalanta, and how the crafty lover tricked the damsel into defeat by the three gold apples. 2. Nausicaa was the daughter of Alcinous, king of Phaeacia, whose pleasure demensnes and luxuriousness became a proverb. 3. The story is very prettily told by Aristaenetus. The words on the apple were--'I swear to thee inviolably, by the mystic rites of Diana, that I will join myself to thee as thy companion and will become thy bride.' According to Vossius the gift of an apple was equivalent to a promise of the last favour. The Emperor Theodosius caused Paulinus to be murdered for receiving an apple from his empress.]

16

Priapus

Quid mecum tibi, circitor moleste?

ad me quid prohibes venire furem?

accedat, sine: laxior redibit.

What hast thou, meddling watch, with me to do?

Why baulk the robber who to me would come?

Let him draw nigh: the laxer shall he go.

What hast thou to do with me, thou meddlesome watchman? why dost thou hinder the thief from coming to me? Let him approach: he will return more 'open'!

17

Priapus

Commoditas haec est in nostro maxima pene,

laxa quod esse mihi femina nulla potest.

Aye in this prickle of ours the bonniest boon to be found is,

Loose for my daily use never a woman can be.

The greatest advantage in my penis is this, that no woman can be [too] roomy[1] for me.

[1. A popular theme of the poets. From Scioppius, 'However loose her coynte may be I will zealously fill it.' And from Martial against Lydia-- 'Me roomy Lydia's private parts surpass

The lusty dray horse' elephantine arse;

Wide as the schoolboy's ringing iron hoop;

Vast as the ring the agile riders stoop

And leap through neatly, touching not the side,

As round and round the dusty course they ride;

Capacious as some old and well-worn shoe,

That's trudged the muddy streets since first 'twas new;

Stretched like the net the crafty fowler holds;

And drapery as a curtain's heavy folds;

Loose as the bracelet gemmed with green and scarlet,

That mocks the arm of some consumptive harlot;

Slack as a feather bed without the feathers;

And baggy as some ostler's well-used leathers;

Relaxed and hanging like the skinny coat

That shields the vulture's foul and flabby throat.

'Tis said, while bathing once we trod love's path,

I know not, but I seemed to fuck the bath. A somewhat similar person was the provident wife in the poem of "The Sutler', who when her husband was robbed of his horses and waggon and all his goods by a party of the enemy's forces, consoled him as follows-- 'No matter,' she said, and look'd with a smile,

'I did the damn'd party, in some sort, beguile;'

Then drew out a purse twice as big as your fist,

'Tho' they search'd me,' said she, 'this treasure they missed;

Then prithee, be cheerful.' This gave him new life,

He wept, and he laugh'd, and he ogl'd his wife,

And leering upon her, said, 'Tell me, my dear,

Where was it you hid the purse I see here?'

She smil'd on her spouse, then laugh'd in his face,

'I hid it,' said she, 'in a certain place,

With which you're acquainted! He said, 'My dear life,

I see you're a careful and provident wife;

You've done very well, but you'd had more to brag on,

If you there had conceal'd the horses and waggon.']

18

To Priapus

Hic quando Telethusa circulatrix,

quae clunem tunica tegente nulla

exstans altius altiusque movit,

crisabit tibi fluctuante lumbo:

haec sic non modo te, Priape, possit,

privignum quoque sed movere Phaedrae.

Will ever Telethusa, posture-mime,

Who with no tunic veiling hinder cheeks

Higher than her vitals heaves with apter geste

Wriggle to please thee with her wavy loins?

So thee, Priapus, not alone she'll move

E'en Phaedra's stepson shall her movement rouse.

Will Telethusa, the posture-dancer, who heaves up her haunches, denuded of tunic, more gracefully and higher than her bosom,[1] ever, with undulating loins,[2] wriggle her thighs[3] for thee in such wise as not only to excite thy desires, O Priapus, but even those of the stepson of Phaedra?

[1. The posture alluded to is that attitude in coition in which the man lies supine, whilst the woman mounts on him and provokes the orgasm by her movements. 2. In the original Latin, flucto, referring here to the wave-like motion of the loins during congress. 3. In the original Latin, crisso, meaning the buckings and wrigglings of a woman's thighs and haunches during congress.]

19

Priapus

Fulmina sub Iove sunt, Neptuni fuscina telum,

ense potens Mars est, hasta, Minerva, tua est,

sutilibus Liber committit proelia thyrsis,

fertur Apollinea missa sagitta manu,

Herculis armata est invicta dextera clava:

at me terribilem mentula tenta facit.

Thunders are under Jove; with the trident weaponed is Neptune;

Forceful is Mars with brand, spear, O Minerva, is thine;

Liber engages in fray, confiding on sheaflets of Thyrsi;

By th' Apollinean hand shafts (they assure us) are shot;

Hercules' right is armed with the club that cannot be conquer'd;

But a distended yard makes me an object of awe.

Jove controls the thunderbolts; the trident is Neptune's weapon; Mars is mighty by the sword; thine, Minerva, is the spear. Bacchus fights his battles with a bundle of thyrsi; the bolt, we are told, is shot by Apollo's hand. Hercules' invincible right arm is equipped with a club; but a mentule at full stretch makes me appalling.

20

To Priapus

Copia me perdit: tu suffragare rogatus

indicio nec me prode, Priape, tuo,

quaeque tibi posui tamquam vernacula poma,

de sacra nulli dixeris esse via.

Wealth is my loss! Do thou vouchsafe lend aid to my prayer,

Nor, by thy signal shown, me, O Priapus, betray:

Whatso before thee I laid, of home-grown apples the firstlings,

(Prithee, be pleased not to tell!) from Via Sacra be ta'en.

All my wealth have I lost; be propitious when I ask thee, nor betray me, Priapus, by word or deed. Tell it to none, that these home-grown apples, which I have placed on thy altar, are from the Sacred Way.[1]

21

Priapus

Femina si furtum faciet mihi virve puerve,

haec cunnum, caput hic praebeat, ille nates.

An fro' me woman shall thieve or plunder me man or a man-child,

She shall pay me with coynte, that with his mouth, this with arse.

If a woman, man, or boy, thieve from me, let her coynte, his mouth, the latter's buttocks, be submitted [to my mentule].

[1. Cheaply purchased in the market: not grown in the donor's orchard. The Via Sacra was a market street in Rome, in the fourth region leading from the Forum to the Capitol. The sense of this epigram is somewhat obscure. Priapus's master, who has suffered reverses, is making an offering to the god, and wishes Priapus to keep up the deception apropos his wealth by concealing from enquirers that the offering of fruit was not from the orchard of the giver, but purchased in the public market.]

22

Priapus

Quicumque hic violam rosamve carpet

furtivumve holus aut inempta poma,

defectus pueroque feminaque

hac tentigine, quam videtis in me,

rumpatur, precor, usque mentulaque

nequiquam sibi pulset umbilicum.

Whoso of violets here shall pluck or rose,

Or furtive greens or apples never bought,

May he in want of woman or of boy

By the same tension you in me behold

Go burst, I ever pray, and may his yard

Against his navel throb and rap in vain.

Whoever shall herein pluck a violet or a rose, or pilfer vegetables or unbought apples, I pray that in the absence of both woman and boy he may continually burst with that rigid tension which you see in me, and that his mentule may in vain beat throbbing on his navel.

23

Priapus

Hic me custodem fecundi vilicus horti

mandati curam iussit habere loci.

fur habeas poenam, licet indignere 'feram'que

'propter holus' dicas 'hoc ego?' 'propter holus'.

Here has the bailiff, now of this plentiful garden the guardian,

Bidden me care for the place he to my service entrusts.

Thief! thou shalt suffer the pain albeit crying in anger--

'What! for a cabbage all this? This for a cabbage I bear?'

The steward has bidden me, the protector of this fertile garden, have a care of the place committed to my charge. Thou, O thief, shalt be punished; thou mayst be enraged, and say, 'On account of a cabbage am I to endure this? On account of a cabbage?'[1]

[1. Some read prope, meaning near--'Am I to be sodomised near a cabbage?' instead of propter, meaning on account of. Because, it is presumed, the thief thought a cabbage plot too open a space for such a punishment.]

24

Priapus

Hoc sceptrum, quod ab arbore est recisum,

nulla iam poterit virere fronde,

sceptrum, quod pathicae petunt puellae,

quod quidam cupiunt tenere reges,

cui dant oscula nobiles cinaedi,

intra viscera furis ibit usque

ad pubem capulumque coleorum.

This staff of office cut from tree as 'tis,

No more with leafage green for aye to bloom;

Staff by the pathic damsels fondly loved,

Which e'en the kings delight in hand to hold

And oft by noble catamites bekissed--

This staff in robbers' vitals deep shall plunge

Up to its bushy base and bag of balls.

This staff of office, which, severed from the tree, can now shoot forth no verdure; sceptre, which pathic maidens crave, and some kings love to hold; to which patrician[1] paederasts give kisses; shall go right into the very bowels of the thief, as far as the hair and the bag of balls.[2]

[1. 'Patrician' and 'notorious' are alternative renderings of 'the Latin word oscula. 2. The whole of Priapus's member to the very hair of the pudendum and the scrotum would be thrust into the thief.]

25

Priapus

Porro - nam quis erit modus? - Quirites,

aut praecidite seminale membrum,

quod totis mihi noctibus fatigant

vicinae sine fine prurientes

vernis passeribus salaciores,

aut rumpar, nec habebitis Priapum.

ipsi cernitis, effututus ut sim

confectusque macerque pallidusque,

qui quondam ruber et valens solebam

fures caedere quamlibet valentes.

defecit latus et periculosam

cum tussi miser exspuo salivam.

Hither, Quirites! (here what limit is?)

Either my member seminal lop ye off

Which thro' the livelong nights for aye fatigue

The neighbour-women rutting endlessly,

Lewder than sparrows in the lusty spring;

Or I shall burst and ye Priapus lose.

How I be futtered-out yourselves espy

Used-up, bejaded, lean and pallid grown,

Who erstwhile ruddy, in my doughtiness wont

To kill with poking thieves however doughty.

My side has failed me and poor I with cough

The perilous spittle ever must outspew.

Hither! ye Romans' Either lop off my seminal member, which the neighbouring women, ever itching with desire, exhaust the whole night through[1]--more lecherous than sparrows in the spring[2]--or I shall be ruptured (for where is the limit of their lust?), nor will ye have a Priapus. Ye see that I am spent with venery, jaded, thin and pale, who once, ruddy and vigorous, used to thrust through the stoutest thieves. My strength has faded me; and, wretched with coughing, I spit out noxious saliva.[3]

[1. Either the women exhausted Priapus with their mouths or by riding upon him. 2. Scioppius recounts having seen sparrows in spring copulate so many times in succession that, when trying to fly away, they fell to the ground exhausted. 3. In connection with this epigram may be mentioned the practice of tribadism with phalli amongst the Roman ladies. Giraldus tells us that the Lesbian women used dildoes made of glass, ivory, gold and silken stuffs and linen to satisfy their lechery. Suidas and Aristophanes speak of the use by Milesian women of a leathern penis succedaneum, called olisbos. Martial and Suetonius hint at the use of a snake for a similar purpose. Petronius makes Oenothea introduce a leathern fascinum, smeared with oil, pepper and crushed nettle seeds, into the anus of Encolpius as an aphrodisiac.]

26

To Priapus

Deliciae populi, magno notissima circo

Quintia, vibratas docta movere nates,

cymbala cum crotalis, pruriginis arma, Priapo

ponit et adducta tympana pulsa manu.

pro quibus, ut semper placeat spectantibus, orat,

tentaque ad exemplum sit sua turba dei.

Well-known darling of folk in the Circus Maximus far famed,

Quinctia, tremulous hips trainèd and artful to wag,

Cymbals and castanets (the wanton arms) to Priapus

Offers and tambourine struck with the hand to self drawn.

Wherefore prays she that aye she please her mob of admirers;

Let one and all stand stiff after the wont of her god.

Quinctia, the people's darling, renowned in the Great Circus, cunning to flirt her tremulous buttocks to and fro, the cymbals and the castanet, the weapons of wantonness,[1] dedicates to Priapus, and the tambour, struck by the hand towards her drawn. And she prays for them, that she may always find favour with her spectators; and that her crowd of admirers may be 'rigid'[2], after the manner of the god.

[1. So called because the songs and dances to which the cymbals and castanets were accompaniments were of a loose and wanton character, inciting the spectators to venery. 2. This was looked on as a mark of the dancer's success in arousing the spectators' passions by her lascivious movements and postures.]

27

To Priapus

Tu, qui non bene cogitas et aegre

carpendo tibi temperas ab horto,

pedicabere fascino pedali.

quod si tam gravis et molesta poena

non profecerit, altiora tangam.

Thou, of unrighteous thought, that hardly canst

Refrain from robbing this my garden-plot,

With foot-long fascinum shalt bulghar'd be:

Yet if so mighty grievous punishment

Profit thee naught, at higher stead I'll strike.

Thou who wickedly designest, and scarce forbearest from robbing my garden, shall be sodomised with my twelve-inch fascinum [phallus]. But if so severe and unpleasant a punishment shall not avail., I will strike higher.[1]

28

To Priapus

Obscenis, peream, Priape, si non

uti me pudet improbisque verbis.

sed cum tu posito deus pudore

ostendas mihi coleos patentes,

cum cunno mihi mentula est vocanda.

Priapus! perish I an words obscene

And wicked terms to use I'm not ashamed:

But whenas thou, a god (bylaying shame),

To me displayest bollocks evident,

With Coynte the Prickle I must baldly name.

May I die,[2] Priapus, if I do not blush to make use of lewd and impure words; but when you, a deity without shame, display to me your balls in all openness, I must call a tool a tool, a coynte a coynte.

[1. Thy mouth shall serve as the instrument of thy punishment. 2. A favourite formula of oath amongst the Romans.]

29

To Priapus

'Falce minax et parte tui maiore, Priape,

ad fontem, quaeso, dic mihi qua sit iter.'

Dreadful wi' sickle and dire with thy greater part, O Priapus!

Prithee to me point out which be the way to the fount?

Priapus, terrific with thy sickle and thy greater part, tell me, prithee, which is the way to the fountain?[1]

[1. Scaliger says that figures of Priapus and of Mercury were placed at crossroads, with rods in their hands, pointing out the way to fountains. 'The figure of Hermes had, like that of Priapus, a long and massive phallus; I have seen them in a cardinal's palace at Rome; and another proof is the saying of the philosophers, who, deriding the gluttony and lust of the youths, compared them to tois ermais [statues of Mercury], which had nothing but the head and the penis.' Therefore, Priapus is here referred to as a god of the road.]

30

Priapus

Vade per has vites, quarum si carpseris uvam,

cur aliter sumas, hospes, habebis aquam.

Hie thee amid these vines whereof an thou gather a grape-bunch

Guest! of the water shalt drink serving for different use.

Haste thee through these vines, for if thou hast plucked off their clustering grapes, guest! thou wilt take the water for another purpose.[1]

31

Priapus

Donec proterva nil mei manu carpes,

licebit ipsa sis pudicior Vesta.

sin, haec mei te ventris arma laxabunt,

exire ut ipse de tuo queas culo.

Long as thy wanton hand to pluck refrain

Chaster than Vesta's self thou may'st remain

Else thee my belly's arm shall loosen so

Out of thy proper anus thou shalt flow.

So long as thou snatchest nothing from me with audacious hand, thou mayst be chaster than Vesta herself. But, if thou dost, these belly-weapons of mine will so stretch thee that thou wilt be able to slip through thy own anus.

[1. If on his way to drink at the fountain, the wayfarer plucked the grapes in the orchard guarded by the god, Priapus threatened him with irrumation. He would then require water, not only to quench his thirst, but also to cleanse his mouth. 'Because you suck, and gargle your mouth with water, Lesbia, you do no wrong. You take water where there is need of it, Lesbia.' Following the example of other women, who after coition bathe their privy parts, Lesbia rinses her mouth. The poet calls her Lesbia because the Lesbians were given to this fantasy.]

32

Priapus

Uvis aridior puella passis,

buxo pallidior novaque cera,

collatas sibi quae suisque membris

formicas facit altiles videri,

cuius viscera non aperta Tuscus

per pellem poterit videre haruspex,

quae suco caret ut putrisque pumex,

nemo viderit hanc ut exspuentem,

quam pro sanguine pulverem scobemque

in venis medici putant habere,

ad me nocte solet venire et affert

pallorem maciemque larualem.

ductor ferreus insularis aeque et

lanternae videor fricare cornu.

A damsel drier than the raisin'd grape,

Warmer than boxwood or than virgin wax,

Who pismires clustering on her every limb

Maketh a bulky-corpulent folk appear;

One whose unopened bowels through her skin

The Tuscan wizard can at will prospect;

One who like rotten pounce so lacking juice

None ever saw her with a slavering lip;

One whom for blood her arteries within

To have sand or sawdust differing leeches deem--

Such one to visit me anights is wont

Bringing with ghostly leanness ghastly hue;

Whist I (like island iron-forger) seem

To rub and rasp me on a lanthorn's horn

Girl, more meagre than dried grapes,[1] more dusky-white than boxwood or unsullied wax; who makes the ants congregated on her body and members seem corpulent; whose bowels the Etruscan soothsayer could without opening see through the skin; who, like pumice, has no sap, insomuch as no one has seen her sputter; who, physicians think, has sand for blood, and in her veins sawdust--[this girl] is wont to come to me in the night, and approaches me, wan, attenuate and ghostlike, whilst I, as an insular iron-worker scrapes,[2] seem to be rubbing in the horn of a lantern.[3]

[1. This is reminiscent of an epigram by Catullus against Furius, in which he describes him as having a body more dried than horn by extreme poverty; adding, 'Sweat, saliva, mucus and nasal snivelling, all these are absent from thee. Add to this cleanliness the still greater cleanliness that thy buttocks are purer than a salt-cellar. Thou does not cack ten times in the whole of the year, and then it is harder than a bean or than pebbles, so that if thou rubbest and crumblest it in thy hands thou canst never dirty a finger.' 2. Islands abound in metals, hence convicts in ancient times were transported to work on them. 3. Here used in a jocular comparison of the girl's parts with the horn of a lantern for hardness and dryness in coition.]

33

Priapus

Naidas antiqui Dryadasque habuere Priapi,

et quo tenta dei vena subiret, erat.

nunc adeo nihil est, adeo mea plena libido est,

ut Nymphas omnis interiisse putem.

turpe quidem factu, sed ne tentigine rumpar,

falce mihi posita fiet amica manus.

Wont the Priapi of old were to have both Naiads and Dryads

And the stiff vein of the God all had what causes to droop;

Now there's naught of the kind; now so fulfilled my desire is

Fain am I left to believe every Nymph to be dead.

Vile thing 'twere to be done, but lest I burst me with straining

Sickle unhanding I mistress must make of my hand.

Of old, the Priapi enjoyed the Naiads and Dryads, and there was the wherewithal to cause the swollen vein of the God to droop. Now there is naught of this; moreover, I am so full of desire that I think the whole of the Nymphs have perished. 'Tis doubtless an unseemly thing to do, but lest I burst with the excessive tension [of my member], my hand, the sickle laid aside, shall become my mistress.

34

To Priapus

Cum sacrum fieret deo salaci,

conducta est pretio puella parvo

communis satis omnibus futura,

quae quot nocte viros peregit una,

tot verpas tibi dedicat salignas.

At holy offering to the Lustful God

Hired was a harlot for a slender price

To meet the common wants of commonweal;

And for as many men one night outworked

So many willow yards she'll give to thee.

At a sacrifice made to the God of Lechery, a girl was cheaply hired as sufficient for the wants of the common weal, who as many men she spent in a single night, dedicates to thee so many willow-wood pokers.[1]

[1. In the original Latin verpa, meaning the virile member. So called from its similarity in shape to the instrument used in scouring furnace fires. The damsel laid on the altar of Priapus, as ex-votos, a quantity of wooden members equal in number to the men with whom she had had connection in a single night. This seems to have been a customary practice amongst the lower classes of women. Juvenal relates how the Empress Messalina was accustomed in disguise to visit a brothel at night, and borrowing her cell from Lycisca, one of the courtesans, to show such capability for the work that she exhausted all who cared to visit her, and returned to the palace in the early morning, still raging with unsatisfied lust. It is said that within twenty hours she surpassed the above-named courtesan by twenty-five 'rides'.]

35

Priapus

Pedicabere, fur, semel; sed idem

si deprensus eris bis, irrumabo.

quod si tertia furta molieris,

ut poenam patiare et hanc et illam,

pedicaberis irrumaberisque.

Thief, for first thieving shalt be swived, but an

Again arrested shalt be irrumate;

And, shouldst attempt to plunder time the third,

This and that penalty thou shalt endure,

Being both pedicate and irrumate.

Thou shalt be bardashed,[1] thief, for the first theft; and if twice caught, I will irrumate thee. But if thou shalt attempt a third theft, that thou mayst suffer penalties twain, I will both sodomise and irrumate thee.

[1. Bardache, meaning a catamite. Italian bardascia, from the Arabic baradaj, a captive, a slave. The old English was ingle or yngle (a bardachio, a catamite, a boy kept for sodomy). In Latin Bulgarus means a Bulgarian or a heretic, from which our vulgar modern word 'bugger' is derived, as is the Italian bugiardo and the French bougre.]

36

Priapus

Notas habemus quisque corporis formas:

Phoebus comosus, Hercules lacertosus,

trahit figuram virginis tener Bacchus,

Minerva ravo lumine est, Venus paeto,

in fronte cornua Arcados vides Fauni,

habet decentes nuntius deum plantas,

tutela Lemni dispares movet gressus,

intonsa semper Aesculapio barba est,

nemo est feroci pectorosior Marte:

quod si quis inter hos locus mihi restat,

deus Priapo mentulatior non est.

We all show special notes of bodily shape:

Long-haired is Phoebus, arm-strong Hercules,

And tender Bacchus owneth virginal form;

Pallas hath grey-blue eyes, Venus a cast;

Th' Arcadian Fauns thou seest bloody-browed

And the Gods' Messenger shows proper feet;

The Guard of Lemnos moves unequal steps;

Ever untrimmed is Aesculapius' beard;

None hath a broader breast than bully Mars;

But, an Priapus' rank 'mid these remain,

There be no better-membered deity.

We have each distinguishing features in the formation of our bodies: in Phoebus 'tis luxuriant locks, in Hercules muscular power; and the effeminate Bacchus has the figure of a girl. Minerva's eye is light in colour, Venus's prettily blinking. You see the forehead of the Arcadian Fauns rubicund with colour. The messenger of the gods, [Mercury] has shapely feet, the guardian of Lemnos walks with an uneven step [the lame Vulcan] and Aesculapius always wears a never shaven beard. No man is more broad-chested than the warlike Mars; but if 'mid this array there remain any place for me, than Priapus no Deity hath a larger or better-hung mentule!

37

The Interpretation of a Votive Offering[1]

Cur pictum memori sit in tabella

membrum, quaeritis, unde procreamur?

cum penis mihi forte laesus esset

chirurgamque manum miser timerem,

dis me legitimis nimisque magnis,

ut Phoebo puta filioque Phoebi,

curatum dare mentulam verebar.

huic dixi: 'fer opem, Priape, parti,

cuius tu, pater, ipse pars videris,

qua salva sine sectione facta

ponetur tibi picta, quam levaris,

compar consimilisque concolorque'.

promisit fore mentulamque movit

pro nutu deus et rogata fecit.

Why on memorial tablet do they limn

(You ask) the member which begets us all?

Whenas by accident my yard was hurt

And I (unhappy!) feared the surgeon's hand

To such legitimate almighty gods--

Phoebus for instance take or Phoebus' son--

I blushed to offer for a cure my cock

And prayed--'Priapus, an thou heal the part,

O Sire, whose very counterpart thou seem'st

And without hacking make it whole again,

One linmed on tablet shall to thee be given

Like-sized, like-coloured and alike of shape.'

The God to promise deigning wagged his yard,

By way of nod divine, and did my bede.

You ask why the instrument of procreation has been painted on the memorable tablet. When by accident I had bruised my penis, and wretched with suffering, dreaded the hand of the surgeon (moreover I was afraid to give the cure of my mentule to the legitimate and almighty gods, such as Phoebus, for instance, and Phoebus's son),[2] 'Help, O Priapus,' quoth I, 'help thou the part whose very counterpart, O Sire, thou seemest; and if thou shalt restore it safely to health without amputation,[3] I will consecrate to thee, painted on a tablet, a very facsimile of it, alike in size, shape and colour! 'The God promised; for nod bobbed his mentule;[4] and has granted my prayer.

[1. Pacificus Maximus addresses a similar entreaty to Priapus, when suffering from the pox, offering, if cured, to dedicate to the god a waxen column equal in size to that of the sufferer. Cures were sought to such morbi venerii as inflamatio coleomm (swollen testicles), tubercula circa glandem (warts on the glans penis), cancri carbunculi (chancre or shanker) and a few others. 2. Phoebus was the god of the healing art. Aesculapius was his son. 3. Reminding one of Don Juan's healthy horror when they proposed to circumcise him. 4. Parodying the majestic nod of Jupiter when grating a request.]

38

Priapus

Simpliciter tibi me, quodcumque est, dicere oportet,

natura est quoniam semper aperta mihi:

pedicare volo, tu vis decerpere poma;

quod peto, si dederis, quod petis, accipies.

Simply to thee I say whatever to say shall behove me,

Since my 'nature' alway openly showeth to fight;

Fain would I pedicate thee who'rt Fain to plunder my apples;

An my want thou shalt grant, eke shall be granted thy want.

Since my nature[1] is always open, it behoves me to say to thee--whate'er it is--frankly. I wish to pedicate; thou wishest to pluck apples. What I desire, if thou wilt give: what thou desirest, thou shalt receive.

[1. In the original Latin, natura, punningly used in the double sense 'native character' and 'privy part'.]

39

Priapus

Forma Mercurius potest placere,

forma conspiciendus est Apollo,

formosus quoque pingitur Lyaeus,

formosissimus omnium est Cupido.

me pulchra fateor carere forma,

verum mentula luculenta nostra est:

hanc mavult sibi quam deos priores,

si qua est non fatui puella cunni.

Form-charms in Mercury have might to please;

Form in Apollo is conspicuous charm;

Formose in picture is Lyaeus limned

And Cupid most formose of all is shown.

Freely of lovely form the lack I own;

Yet is our mentule a resplendent gem;

And this to th'erst-named gods shall aye prefer

The damsel dowered with no fatuous coynte.

Mercury has a pleasing form, Apollo's is eminent for its beauty; Lyaeus too is painted of comely figure; Cupid is handsomest of all. My figure is, I confess, wanting in beauty, but my mentule is, in truth, magnificent; and if there be a girl with a sensible coynte, she had rather have that for herself than all the former gods.

40

To Priapus

Nota Suburanas inter Telethusa puellas,

quae, puto, de quaestu libera facta suo est,

cingit inaurata penem tibi, sancte, corona:

hunc pathicae summi numinis instar habent.

Yon Telethusa befamèd amid the damsels Suburran

(Who by her gains I hold freedwoman now is become)

Girds with a gilded crown, O Holy! thine inguinal organ,

Held by the pathic girls like in degree to a god.

Telethusa, notorious amongst the damsels of the Via Subura,[1] who, I believe, has bought her freedom with the profits of prostitution,[2] encircles thy penis, O venerable one, with a golden crown, for these pathic women consider it equal in eminence to a god.

[1. The Via Subura was a street in Rome, in the second region, under the eastern wall of the Carinae, at the foot of the Coelian Hill, where provisions were chiefly sold, and where many thieves and prostitutes dwelt. Martial writes, of Subura: 'Then hand over the tyro to a Suburan mistress in the art. She will make a man of him; but a virgin is an inexperienced teacher.' And: 'A young lady of not over good reputation, such as sit in the middle of the Subura.' 2. For the female slaves to gain their freedom by prostitution was not uncommon. Plautus writes: 'You will speedily be free if you will often lie on your dowry in the same manner. Plautus attributes this to the Tuscans, Augustus to the Phoenicians, Justinus to the Cyprians and Strabo to the Armenians. Herodotus under Clio states that the women of Lydia prostituted themselves to obtain their marriage portion, and that it was a custom amongst the Babylonians that every woman should once in her life prostitute herself at the temple of Venus to a stranger. This practice is confirmed by Jeremiah and Strabo; The prostitution of women, considered as a religious institution, was not only practised in Babylon, but at Heliopolis; at Aphace, a place betwixt Heliopolis and Biblus; at Sicca Veneria, in Africa, and also on the Isle of Cyprus. It was at Aphace that Venus was supposed, according to the author of the Etymologicum Magnum, to have first received the embraces of Adonis. At Argalae, in Africa, women were prostituted on the wedding night. The Loricans, when hard pressed in war, vowed to offer up their daughters to be deflowered in a festival in honour of Venus, if they should be victorious. The Marquis de Sade in his priapistic book La Philsophie dans le Boudoir states Babylonian children were deflowered at the temple of Venus at an early age; and gives some curious details on the subject of prostitution in Pegu and Tartary.]

41

Priapus

Quisquis venerit huc, poeta fiat

et versus mihi dedicet iocosos.

qui non fecerit, inter eruditos

ficosissimus ambulet poetas.

Whoso comes hither shall a bard become

And to me dedicate facetious verse;

But who thiswise doth not, 'mid learnèd poets

Shall pace with fundament fulfilled of 'figs'.

Whoever comes hither let him become a poet and dedicate to me jocose verses. He who does not, shall, teeming with piles,[1] walk amongst learned poets.

[1. Piles were a frequent result of sodomy. The word ficus means primarily a fig, and piles were so called from their resemblance in shape to that fruit.]

42

To Priapus

Laetus Aristagoras natis bene vilicus uvis

de cera facili dat tibi poma, deus.

at tu sacrati contentus imagine pomi

fac veros fructus ille, Priape, ferat.

Bailiff Aristagoras of his grapes high-pedigree'd boasting

Apples moulded in wax giveth, O Godhead, to thee:

But thou, pleased with the fruit in effigy placed on thine altar,

Genuine 'fruit' vouchsafe he, O Priapus! shall bear.

The steward Aristagoras, rejoicing in his promising grapes, offers to thee, O God, apples formed from wax. Do thou, O Priapus, contented with the semblance of a votive apple, cause him to bear genuine fruit.[1]

43

Priapus

Nolite omnia, quae loquor, putare

per lusum mihi per iocumque dici.

deprensos ego ter quaterque fures

omnes, ne dubitetis, irrumabo.

Refrain from deeming all my sayings be

In sport bespoken for mine own disport;

Thieves taken thrice or four tunes in the fact

(Believe my word) I'll surely irrumate.

Think not that everything I say is spoken in jest and for my own amusement. That ye may not be in doubt, I tell ye this, that all thieves who are often caught I shall irrumate.

[1. See footnote on page 67.]

44

Priapus

Velle quid hanc dicas, quamvis sim ligneus, hastam,

oscula dat medio si qua puella mihi?

augure non opus est: 'in me' mihi credite, dixit

'aptetur veris usibus hasta rudis'.

What shouldest say this spear (although I'm wooden) be wishing

Whenas a maiden chance me in the middle to kiss?

Here none augur we: need: believe my word she is saying -

'Let the rude spear in me work with its natural wont!'

What dost thou say this spear, although I be wooden, is wishing, if any girl give kisses to my middle? It needs no soothsayer, for, believe me, she has said, 'The rude spear will exercise its true functions on me.'[1]

45

Priapus

Cum quendam rigidus deus videret

ferventi caput ustulare ferro,

ut Maurae similis foret puellae,

'heus' inquit 'tibi dicimus, cinaede,

uras te licet usque torqueasque,

num tandem prior es puella, quaeso,

quod sunt, mentula quos habet, capilli?'

Whenas the Rigid God espied a wight

Crisping his head with curling-tongs aglow

That he be likest to a Moorish maid,

'Ho thou! (cried he) we tell thee, catamite;

However much thou toast and curl thyself

Is then a damsel more of worth, I ask,

Than are the hairy honours of thy yard?'

When the Rigid God beheld an effeminate crisping his hair with the heated curling-irons, to liken himself to a Moorish damsel, 'Ho there, thou catamite,' quoth he. 'We tell thee, thou mayst crisp and curl to thy liking, but is a girl, prithee, of more value than are the hairs which deck thy mentule?'[2]

[1. It needs no augur, because the girl's kisses have put the spear (although it is only wooden) into such a state of erection as self-evidently shows its willingness to swive her. 2. Is it worthwhile disturbing a hair even on thy mentule, much less thy head, to take the semblance of a girl?]

46

Priapus

O non candidior puella Mauro,

sed morbosior omnibus cinaedis,

Pygmaeo brevior gruem timente,

ursis asperior pilosiorque,

Medis laxior Indicisve bracis,

mallem scilicet ut libenter ires.

nam quamvis videar satis paratus,

erucarum opus est decem maniplis,

fossas inguinis ut teram dolemque

cunni vermiculos scaturrientis.

Ho girl! no whiter-skinned than Moorish man

Yet, Oh! than every pathic softer far;

Squatter than Pygmey fearful of the crane;

Harsher and hairier than pelt of bear;

Looser than Median or than Indian hose;

Remain as please thee or at will depart.

For, though full ready seem I, yet I want

Of rockets half-score bundles at the least,

Ere I that ditch-like groin can scrub and crush

The swarming wormlets of thy privy parts.

O Damsel, no fairer-skinned than the Moor, but limper than any catamite, briefer in stature than the Pygmies timorous of the crane, harsher in aspect and shaggier than a she-bear, roomier [in thy vulva] than the trousers of the Medes and Indians, thou mayst tarry here or depart at thy will. For, though I may seem fully equipped, 'twould be the work of ten handfuls of rockets* to [induce me to] scrub through the ditches 'twixt thy thighs, and bethwack the worms swarming in thy coynte!

[1. A kind of colewort or rocket, a salacious herb sacred to Priapus. The derivation of the word eruca is either from uro to bum (quasi urica), or from erodere, as it were biting the tongue by its pungent taste. According to Scioppius, however, it was so called because it consumed an the little insects which thrive on the body. Columella writes-- The eruca, Priapus, near thee we sow,

To rouse to duty husbands who are slow. And Moretus-- The rocket reviving languishing lo