BRITONS will elect a Conservative government because they believe they are bad and deserve to suffer, polls have confirmed.

Voters agree that Theresa May, who transparently despises them, is the candidate to deliver the severe chastising that they know deep down is all they are worthy of.

Nikki Hollis of Leicester said: “I will be voting for Mrs May because I am thoroughly ashamed of myself.

“When Gordon Brown was Prime Minister I bought a pair of £95 trousers on my credit card even though I hadn’t saved up for them.

“I caused the financial crisis. It’s only just I pay the price for it.”

Norman Steele said, “When Mrs May tells us a hard Brexit will be good for us and toughen us up because we’ve had it easy too long, I know she’s right.

“We can’t expect other countries to be our friends. We have to take our beating then say ‘thank you very much, sir’ and ask for more.

“Life shouldn’t be good. Life should be Conservative.”