NOTE: This is a response to Hundreds of Proofs of God's Existence by "Godless Geeks" Hundreds of Proofs of God's Non-Existence

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ANTI-TRANSCENDENTAL ARGUMENT

(1) If reason exists then God does not exist.

(2) Reason exists.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ANTI-COSMOLOGICAL ARGUMENT

(1) If I say something does not have a cause, it does not have a cause.

(2) I say the universe does not have a cause.

(3) Therefore, the universe does not have a cause.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ANTI-ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (I)

(1) I define God to be something inconceivably absurd.

(2) Since I cannot conceive of that, it must not exist.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ANTI-ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (II)

(1) St. Anselm has a proof for God's existence.

(2) I look at the proof and laugh.

(3) I'm not quite sure how to disprove it.

(4) But I laugh at it all the same.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ANTI-ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (III)

(1) The Ontological Proof for God's existence relies on the assumption that existence is greater than non-existence.

(2) But existence is not greater than non-existence.

(3) Existence is the worst thing there is.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. MODAL ANTI-ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT

(1) God is either necessary or unnecessary.

(2) God is not necessary, therefore God must be unnecessary.

(3) And if something is unnecessary, then it IS necessary ... that it doesn't exist.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM MODAL LOGIC (I)

(1) God is either necessary or contingent.

(2) God doesn't exist.

(3) So screw modal logic.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM MODAL LOGIC (II)

(1) I am an atheist.

(2) I do not know what modal logic is.

(3) Any proof for God's existence that uses modal logic is not understood by me.

(4) If I don't understand something, then I can make fun of it.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT BY DEFINITION (I)

(1) If you cannot agree on a definition of a thing, then it does not exist.

(2) People cannot agree on a definition of God.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT BY DEFINITION (II)

(1) No one can agree what the definition of "God" is.

(2) But whatever definitions they come up with, it's not going to work.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT BY DEFINITION (III)

(1) The philosopher Baruch Spinoza defines God as nature.

(2) Therefore, nature does not exist.

(3) Well, nature exists.

(4) But God does not exist (even if you equate the term "God" with something I believe in).

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT BY DEFINITION (IV)

(1) The previous argument is ridiculous.

(2) If God is "nature," then of course I believe in "God."

(3) But I'm scared of the word "God."

(4) So, let's stop talking about this.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM SEMANTICS

(1) Theist: [Points out a contradiction in the atheist's argument.]

(2) Atheist: "That's just semantics."

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM NIT-PICKINESS

(1) Theist: [Points out a contradiction in the atheist's argument.]

(2) Atheist: "You're just being nit-picky."

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM DISINGENUOUSNESS

(1) Theist: [Points out a contradiction in the atheist's argument.]

(2) Atheist: "Now you're being disingenuous."

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM WINNING THE ARGUMENT

(1) Theist: [Points out a contradiction in the atheist's argument.]

(2) Atheist: "Oh, you're just trying to win the argument."

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM LITERALISM

(1) Theist: [Points out a contradiction in the atheist's argument.]

(2) Atheist: "Oh, you're just taking what I say too 'literally'."

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM UNIVERSAL CONSENSUS (I)

(1) God only exists if Christians agree with each other.

(2) Christians do not always agree with each other.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM UNIVERSAL CONSENSUS (II)

(1) Unlike Christians, atheists always agree with each other.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM UNIVERSAL CONSENSUS (III)

(1) Actually, atheists don't agree on a lot of things.

(2) Atheists don't agree on whether objective morality exists.

(3) Atheists don't agree on whether absolute truth exists.

(4) Atheists don't agree on whether the universe even exists.

(5) Atheists don't agree on whether God exists.

(6) But they all agree on what the atheism is.

(7) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM UNIVERSAL CONSENSUS (IV)

(1) Actually, atheists can't even agree on what atheism is.

(2) "Broad" Atheists disbelieve in all gods.

(3) "Narrow" Atheists disbelieve in a particular selection of gods.

(4) "Strong" or "Positive" or "Explicit" or "Hard" Atheists claim that there is no God (or gods).

(5) "Weak" or "Negative" or "Implicit" or "Soft" Atheists merely lack belief that there is a God (or gods).

(6) "Gnostic" Atheists say it's certain that God (or gods) do not exist.

(7) "Strong" Agnostic Atheists say it's impossible to know if God (or gods) exists.

(8) "Weak" Agnostic Atheists say it might be possible someday to know if God (or gods) exists (but not at this very instant).

(9) "Ignostic" or "Igtheistic" Atheists say the term "God" is simply devoid of meaning.

(11) "Pragmatic" Atheists say it's just not important whether God exists.

(11) "Deistic" Atheists say that, in fact, God exists (but He doesn't do a whole lot, aside from creating the universe).

(12) Some atheists think atheism is an opinion.

(13) Some atheists think it's a lack of an opinion.

(14) Some atheists claim that all, some, or none of these qualify as Atheism.

(15) But at least they all call themselves Atheists, and that's what's really important.

(16) Therefore, God does not exist. MORAL ARGUMENT (I)

(1) Person X, a well-known Christian, was morally inferior to me.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. MORAL ARGUMENT (II)

(1) In my younger days I was a cursing, drinking, smoking, gambling, child-molesting, thieving, murdering, bed-wetting bastard.

(2) I am still that way as an atheist.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. PARENTAL ARGUMENT (I)

(1) My daddy told me that God exists.

(2) I hate my daddy.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. PARENTAL ARGUMENT (II)

(1) My mommy told me that God exists.

(2) My daddy told me that God doesn't exist.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. PARENTAL ARGUMENT (III)

(1) My mommy and daddy told me God exists.

(2) But they want me home by 11 o'clock.

(3) But I know better because I'm in High School.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. PARENTAL ARGUMENT (IV)

(1) My parents were atheists.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM FEAR (I)

(1) If there is no God, then we're all going to stop existing after we die.

(2) I don't want to go to hell.

(3) Therefore, I don't want to be held responsible for my actions.

(4) Therefore, I'm going to assume God doesn't exist, and everything will be okay.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM THE BIBLE (I)

(1) [arbitrary passage from OT]

(2) [arbitrary passage from NT]

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. MORAL STANDARDS

(1) Immoral actions are worse when done by a Christian.

(2) That's because Christians are supposed to have higher standards.

(3) But some Christians are sinners.

(4) Therefore, we atheists actually have higher standards.

(5) And those that have higher standards are more better.

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM INTELLIGENCE (I)

(1) Look, there's really no point in me trying to explain the whole thing to you stupid Christians; it's too complicated for you to understand. God doesn't exist whether you like it or not.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM SCANDALOUS PAPAL HISTORY

(1) A couple of Popes (out of the 265+ other Popes) were known to have forbidden sex on occasion.

(2) It just goes to show that every single Pope was evil and, for that matter, wrong about every single thing they said.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM UNBELIEF

(1) If God exists, then I should believe in Him.

(2) But, look, I choose not to believe in Him.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM THOMAS EDISON

(1) Thomas Edison was an atheist.

(2) He invented the lightbulb.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM HISTORICAL EVIDENCE (I)

(1) There's some evidence that Jesus Christ did exist.

(2) But there's not that much.

(3) Therefore, it's stupid to think he existed.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM HISTORICAL EVIDENCE (II)

(1) The Gospels cannot be considered historical because the writers thought Jesus was God.

(2) I know that logic invalidates other historical accounts about other people.

(3) For example, it essentially destroys Egyptology, since Egyptian chroniclers saw their Pharaohs as gods too.

(4) But sacrifices must be made for the greater good of atheism.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM THE INABILITY TO BELIEVE

(1) I admit there are proofs that God does, in fact, exist.

(2) But in all honesty, I still can't see how God exists.

(3) This has nothing to do with my bastard father who was never there for me.

(4) So, I'm being rational and yet unable to accept rational arguments.

(5) And until someone explains to me how I'm pulling that off, I'm afraid it's atheism for me.

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE (I)

(1) Atheist: "You shouldn't believe in God because there's no evidence of it."

(2) Theist: "But God revealed Himself to me."

(3) Atheist: "That's not evidence."

(4) Theist: "Why not?"

(5) Atheist: "Because you can't prove it. If you can't prove something, then that means it didn't happen ... even if you actually experienced it."

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE (II)

(1) Atheist: "You shouldn't believe in God because there's no evidence of it."

(2) Theist: "But God revealed Himself to me."

(3) Atheist: "That's not evidence."

(4) Theist: "But it's evidence as far as I'm concerned."

(5) Atheist: "No it's not because I didn't experience it. You shouldn't believe things unless I experience them too."

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE (III)

(1) Atheist: "You shouldn't believe in God because there's no evidence of it."

(2) Theist: "But God revealed Himself to me."

(3) Atheist: "Well, He didn't reveal Himself to me."

(4) Theist: "Well, you should at least be open -"

(5) Atheist: "Shut up."

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM MATTER AND ENERGY

(1) Existence is defined by matter or energy.

(2) (No one is allowed to disagree with that.)

(2) God is not composed of matter or energy.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM JUMPING TO A CONCLUSION WITHOUT USING PREMISES (I)

(1) I cannot actually prove God does not exist.

(2) But that won't stop me from drawing the following and very logical conclusion:

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM JUMPING TO A CONCLUSION WITHOUT USING PREMISES (II)

(1) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM BRUCE LEE

(1) Bruce Lee was an atheist.

(2) Bruce Lee knew King Fu.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM THE SPANISH INQUISITION

(1) The Spanish Inquisition killed pretty much everybody.

(2) That's right. It killed everybody.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM REPRESENTATION

(1) If someone acts badly in the name of another, the latter does not exist.

(2) Some Christians act badly in the name of God.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (I)

(1) There are a lot of false miracles.

(2) Therefore, all miracles could be false.

(3) In fact, yeah, every single miracle is false.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (II)

(1) If there is no evidence for God, God does not exist.

(2) {Christian apologist offers the millions of accounts of miracles reported throughout history}

(3) No, even though I obviously haven't investigated all those stories, I know they're all false.

(4) Therefore, there is no evidence for God.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (III)

(1) A person claimed he saw a miracle.

(2) I didn't see the miracle.

(3) Therefore, that person was lying, hallucinating, or is just a frickin' idiot.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (IV)

(1) I saw a miracle.

(2) However, maybe it wasn't really a miracle.

(3) Therefore, I will firmly deny that it was a miracle.

(4) Therefore, all other miracles are also not miracles.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (V)

(1) There is no evidence for miracles.

(2) The millions of reports of supposed miracles are not evidence.

(3) This is because I'm assuming miracles are impossible.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (VI)

(1) There is lots of evidence for miracles.

(2) But there is no evidence that they were caused by the one true God who created the universe.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (VII)

(1) There is lots of evidence for miracles that involve alleged visions of the one true God who created the universe.

(2) Still, it could all be crap.

(3) Therefore, there is no evidence that God exists.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (VIII)

(1) Miracles cannot exist because they would, by definition, violate the laws of physics.

(2) But the laws of physics cannot be violated.

(3) I did experiments that proved this.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (IX)

(1) Atheist: "It's interesting that miracles conveniently never happen around skeptics."

(2) Theist: "Well, I had a friend who used to be a skeptic until he saw a miracle."

(3) Atheist: "That doesn't count. He's not a skeptic anymore. I'm talking about real skeptics. The ones who stay skeptics even when they see a miracle."

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER (I)

(1) I prayed for X.

(2) I did not get X (at least not right away).

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER (II), a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM MODERN MEDICINE

(1) If one believes in God, then one would avoid using modern medicine to cure diseases and, instead, just pray for healing.

(2) This is because everyone knows that prayer magically neutralizes the beneficial effects of medicine.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM REALITY (I)

(1) Reality is that which I understand as demonstrably true.

(2) I do not understand how the demonstrations of God's existence are true.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM REALITY (II), a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM ANTARCTICA

(1) Reality is that which I understand as demonstrably true.

(2) For example, before Antarctica was discovered, its existence was not demonstratable.

(3) Therefore, Antarctica was not real at that time.

(4) Kind of like how God isn't real unless I say otherwise.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM THE MEANING OF LIFE (I)

(1) You cannot prove that there is meaning in life.

(2) Therefore, there is no meaning in life.

(3) That's what the meaning of life is really about.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM THE MEANING OF LIFE (II)

(1) My fellow atheist friend killed himself/herself.

(2) Therefore, I will now insist there IS meaning in life lest more atheists kill themselves over the fact there is no meaning in life.

(3) In fact, there is more meaning in life in a godless universe than there is if God existed.

(4) Yeah! I mean, isn't the universe ... amazing?

(5) People shouldn't be afraid to ... reach out to others!

(6) Blah, blah, blah. Etc.

(7) I hope those vague emotions prevent future suicides among my fellow atheists (even though probably not).

(8) Therefore, God does not exist. SLAVOJ ZIZEK'S ARGUMENT FROM LOVE

(1) Nothing exists, quite literally.

(2) As Quantum Physics says, the universe is just a positively charged void.

(3) "Love" is the thing that caused this cosmic imbalance within nothingness, resulting in the appearence of things.

(4) But the whole of reality is stupid.

(5) Therefore, love is evil.

(6) And, yeah, God obviously doesn't exist either.

(7) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ART

(1) Christianity has brainwashed people with beautiful art.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM THE GOD DELUSION (I)

(1) Richard Dawkins wrote a book.

(2) Anyone who reads the book will cease believing in God.

(3) I read it.

(4) Well, I honestly didn't read it.

(5) But if you read it, you would totally be an atheist.

(6) Trust me on this.

(7) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM THE GOD DELUSION (II)

(1) Richard Dawkins wrote a book.

(2) Now there are bunch of atheists everywhere.

(3) You're next.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. RICKY GERVAIS' ARGUMENT FROM HIS ELDER BROTHER

(1) I used to believe in God.

(2) But my older brother didn't.

(3) My mom told him to be quiet.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISM (I)

(1) God created atheists.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISM (II)

(1) Atheism is simply a lack of belief.

(2) Therefore it cannot be wrong.

(3) Kind of like how, for example, lacking belief in gravity when stepping off a 36-story building cannot be wrong.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISM (III)

(1) To be an atheist, you cannot believe in any god.

(2) Religious people are atheists with respect to all gods except theirs.

(3) But it is a contradiction to believe in some gods and not others.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISM (IV)

(1) One cannot believe in some gods and disbelieve in others.

(2) Therefore, one must either believe in all gods or believe in none.

(3) But to believe in all gods is a contradiction because all gods don't agree with each other.

(4) Therefore, one must believe in no gods.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISM (V)

(1) As said before, you cannot be an atheist with respect to only some gods.

(2) That is like believing in some stories but not others.

(3) Either all stories are true or all of them are false.

(4) But to believe in all possible stories is a contradiction since they would not agree with each other.

(5) Therefore, one has to believe all stories are false.

(6) Therefore, one has to believe all gods are false.

(7) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM INSECURITY (I)

(1) We (e.g. Godless Geeks) have gone to absolutely berserk lengths to establish that Christians are laughable morons.

(1.5) Actually, we did so in the hopes of curing our own insecurities about atheism -- but there's no chance in hell we'll ever admit that.

(2) Therefore, Christians are laughable morons.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM INSECURITY (II)

(1) All belief is a coverup for insecurity.

(2) I believe this firmly.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM HIDDEN LOGIC (I)

(1) Intellectually, I know that the existence of God is possible.

(2) But I must put on the appearance of being really convinced God doesn't exist in front of my intimidating anti-theist comrades.

(3) Therefore, I must pretend that (1) is false.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM HIDDEN LOGIC (II)

(1) Christians say that God exists.

(2) But they only say that because they want to look holy in front of others.

(3) But I can see through their hypocrisy!

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM EVIL SPIRITS

(1) I've just had contact with evil spirits.

(2) They told me to deny the existence of God.

(3) I'm scared of them.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM INSANITY (I)

(1) No sane person could have thought up Christianity.

(2) Therefore, I'll dismiss it, even if it's true.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM EVIL (I)

(1) If there was a God, then there would be no evil.

(2) There is evil.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM EVIL (II)

(1) God tells us that certain things are evil.

(2) There is no such thing as evil.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM QUALITY OF LIFE (I)

(1) Quite simply, a non-believer's quality of life is better than a Christian's.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM QUALITY OF LIFE (II)

(1) Quite simply, a believer's quality of life is better than an atheist's.

(2) That is the real reason people believe in God: it makes people live better lives.

(3) But even if that's true, it's still better to be an atheist.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM IDIOCY

(1) Some atheists are idiots.

(2) But that doesn't mean atheism is false.

(3) Some Christians are idiots.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM SWEDEN

(1) There are lots of atheists in Sweden.

(2) Sweden is pretty much the best country ever.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM HOMOSEXUALITY (I)

(1) The Bible condemns homosexuality.

(2) I approve of homosexuality.

(3) Not that I'm gay or anything.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM HOMOSEXUALITY (II)

(1) The Bible condemns homosexuality.

(2) My nephew is gay.

(3) Therefore, the Bible is wrong.

(4) For the record, I'm not gay.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM HOMOSEXUALITY (III)

(1) Honestly, I'm not gay.

(2) Not that there's anything wrong with that.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM HOMOSEXUALITY (IV)

(1) Okay, yes, I'm gay.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM THE INVISIBLE PINK UNICORN

(1) God is like an invisible pink unicorn.

(2) You can't prove that an invisible pink unicorn doesn't exist.

(3) But you can't prove that it does.

(4) Therefore, atheism wins somehow.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. PASTAFARIAN ARGUMENT (I)

(1) God is like a flying spaghetti monster.

(2) Honestly, a flying spaghetti monster.

(3) Isn't that ridiculous?

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. CARL SAGAN'S DRAGON IN MY GARAGE ARGUMENT (I)

(1) God is like an invisible, incorporeal, floating dragon who spits heatless fire in my garage.

(2) You can't disprove that such a creature exists.

(3) However, claims that cannot be tested and are immune to disproof are "veridically worthless."

(4) That's just a convoluted way of me trying to tell you not believe in God for absolutely no reason because we can't come up with any reasons to justify our position in any way.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. CARL SAGAN'S DRAGON IN MY GARAGE ARGUMENT (II)

(1) Crazy Person: "I have a dragon in my garage."

(2) Atheist: "No, you don't."

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. CARL SAGAN'S DRAGON IN MY GARAGE ARGUMENT (III)

(1) Crazy Person: "There is an invisible, incoporeal, floating dragon who spits heatless fire in my garage."

(2) Atheist: "Well, it sounds like I can't disprove that claim. Therefore, the claim is veridically worthless."

(3) Crazy Person: "What does that mean?"

(4) Atheist: "It just means you're a retard."

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. CARL SAGAN'S DRAGON IN MY GARAGE ARGUMENT (IV)

(1) Atheist: "What's the difference between an invisible, incorporeal, floating dragon who spits heatless fire and no dragon at all?"

(2) Theist: "Well, the first dragon might exist, and the second dragon definitely does not exist."

(3) Atheist: "Ha. It was a rhetorical question. The right answer is that they're exactly the same. Neither of them exist. Ha."

(8) Therefore, God does not exist. CARL SAGAN'S DRAGON IN MY GARAGE ARGUMENT (V)

(1) Crazy Person: "I have an invisible dragon in my garage."

(2) Atheist: "How do you know?"

(3) Crazy Person: "Because sometimes it makes itself visible to me."

(4) Atheist: "Yeah right ..." [and then the atheist sees the dragon in the garage appear for a brief second]

(5) Crazy Person: "There! Did you see it!?"

(6) Atheist: "Ah crap. I did. Well, maybe dragons exist after all. But that doesn't mean God does!" [followed by maniacal cackle]

(7) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM SANTA CLAUS

(1) Santa Claus does not exist.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO PROVE A NEGATIVE (I)

(1) Atheist: "There is no God."

(2) Theist: "Prove it."

(3) Atheist: "You can't prove a negative."

(4) Theist: "So you can't prove that God doesn't exist?"

(5) Atheist: "Right. So don't ask me to prove it. Just agree with me."

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO PROVE A NEGATIVE (II)

(1) Atheist: "There is no God."

(2) Theist: "Prove it."

(3) Atheist: "You can't prove a negative."

(4) Theist: "So you're claiming something that can't be proven?"

(5) Atheist: "Whatever. I bet you can't prove what you're saying either."

(6) Theist: "Well-"

(7) Atheist: "Ha, see? You can't do it, can you? If you can't prove your position, that means you're wrong. Bam!"

(8) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO PROVE A NEGATIVE (III)

(1) Atheist: "There is no God."

(2) Theist: "Prove it."

(3) Atheist: "You can't prove a negative."

(4) Theist: "Yes you can: you can prove that square circles don't exist, that this ball I'm about to drop won't float to the ceiling, that the word 'Yidjakqg' isn't in this dictionary."

(5) Atheist: "Nice work at trying to change the subject. I'm talking about God. Not 'square circles' or stupid crap like that."

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO PROVE A NEGATIVE (IV)

(1) You can't prove a negative.

(2) The statement "You can't prove a negative" is itself a negative.

(3) Therefore, you can't prove that you can't prove a negative.

(4) Therefore, you can't criticize me for insisting that negatives can't be proven.

(5) So, when you say, "You can't prove that God does not exist" and I say, "You can't prove a negative," then you can't say anything else after that.

(6) I win the argument forever.

(7) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM THE BURDEN OF PROOF (I)

(1) If one cannot prove the existence of something, then one must try to prove it anyway (and thus automatically fail).

(2) If one cannot prove the non-existence of something, then one does not need to try (because they automatically win somehow).

(3) It cannot be proved whether God exists or does not exist.

(4) But if God's existence cannot be proved, all efforts to prove it will fail.

(5) And any effort (or lack thereof) to NOT prove God's non-existence will automatically win somehow.

(6) Therefore, atheists automatically win every argument.

(7) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM THE BURDEN OF PROOF (II)

(1) You should not believe that which has not been proven.

(2) Mathematical axioms have not been proven.

(3) But one must take exception to them, as well as with other things that we like.

(4) However, one must never take exception to this with regard to God, religion, or other things that just suck.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM IGNORANCE (I)

(1) If there is no evidence that a thing exists, then that thing doesn't exist.

(2) Even though the world is a big place, I was very thorough and found that there is absolutely no evidence whatsoever for God anywhere in the entire universe, past, present, or future.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM IGNORANCE (II)

(1) Atheist: "God doesn't exist because there's no evidence."

(2) Theist: "Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence."

(3) Atheist: "Ooooh, don't you feel smart?"

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM BEGGING THE QUESTION

(1) If God does not exist, God does not exist.

(2) God does not exist.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. NON-SEQUITUR ARGUMENT

(1) Atheist: "No miracle has ever been confirmed by science."

(2) Theist: "Even if that's true, are you saying that disproves God's existence?"

(3) Atheist: "The Church hates gays."

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. RED HERRING ARGUMENT

(1) You know why religion is stupid?

(2) Because science can put a man on the moon!

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM INCREDULITY

(1) The Existence of God is too incredible.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM SAD CASE

(1) I'm lonely and my life sucks.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM LABELING, a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM POPULARITY

(1) If you are a Christian, then you're a geek.

(2) Geeks are unpopular at school; no one cares about them.

(3) The popular kids are not Christian.

(4) So you shouldn't be either, if you want to be popular.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ILLOGICAL RATIONALISM, a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM UNKNOWABLE, INEFFABLE, INCOMPREHENSIBLE, TRANSCENDENT, AND SUPERNATURAL

(1) Some say God is beyond the limits of logic.

(2) Therefore, you cannot use logic to disprove God.

(3) Thus, I can use logic to disprove God.

(4) In fact, I think I just did.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ANTI-TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (I)

(1) Some say that in order for a thing to have a purpose, it must be assigned a purpose by an intelligent being.

(2) Since God does not exist, all natural things do not have purpose.

(3) Now I have to say, for example, that our eyes do not have the purpose of seeing.

(4) Even though it's pretty obvious they do.

(5) But sometimes you just gotta go and say silly stuff like that to maintain atheism.

(6) Therefore, nothing has a purpose.

(7) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF IMAGINATION

(1) I cannot imagine how God could possibly exist.

(2) Except, maybe, as a kind of ripped, wise-looking old man with a majestic beard.

(3) Other than that, my imagination totally malfunctions.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM SELF-KNOWING, a.k.a. AUTO-EPISTEMIC

(1) If God exists then I would know it.

(2) I do not know it.

(3) And I don't care if other people might know it.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM GNOSTIC ATHEISM

(1) Technically, you cannot prove that God does not exist.

(2) But some atheists think you can.

(3) Their arguments are stupid ... but at least they're atheists.

(4) So, I'm not going to criticize them.

(5) I'm only going to criticize religious people in every conceivable fashion, even though, I admit, I technically can't prove that they're wrong.

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. BETRAND RUSSELL'S COSMIC TEAPOT ARGUMENT (I)

(1) Belief in God is exactly the same as the belief in a small, undetectable teapot orbiting the sun.

(2) The existence of both can neither be proved nor disproved.

(3) Therefore, no matter what, you must assumethe teapot does not exist.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. BETRAND RUSSELL'S COSMIC TEAPOT ARGUMENT (II)

(1) Belief in God is exactly the same as the belief in a small, undetectable teapot orbiting the sun.

(2) With some exceptions.

(3) God has purportedly revealed Himself to lots of people, thus making Himself detectable at least on certain occasions.

(4) Cultures have independently come to believe that God exists.

(5) Great philosophers throughout the ages have strongly affirmed God's existence.

(6) And then there's some alleged "proofs" about how God is ontologically necessary, whereas all material things (e.g. teapots) necessarily aren't.

(7) But other than that, they're exactly the same.

(8) Therefore, God does not exist. BERTRAND RUSSELL'S ARGUMENT FROM TRUTH

(1) Either a thing is true or it isn't.

(2) If it is true, you should believe it.

(3) If it isn't, you shouldn't.

(4) If you can't find out whether it's true or whether it isn't, you should suspend judgment.

(5) But even though I should probably suspend judgment on God's existence, I'm going to go ahead and assume He doesn't exist anyway.

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. BERTRAND RUSSELL'S ARGUMENT FROM VALHALLA

(1) I don't deny the existence of the Christian God.

(2) I believe in the Christian God as much as I believe in Thor.

(3) But I do not believe in Thor.

(4) Therefore, I do not believe in the Christian God.

(5) So, you can see where this is going.

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. BERTRAND RUSSELL'S ARGUMENT FROM DEATHBED CONVERSIONS

(1) People claim that some atheists convert on their deathbed.

(2) But those are lies.

(3) I'm Bertrand Russell.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM COMMON SENSE (I)

(1) Everyone knows that it's against common sense to believe in God.

(2) The overwhelming, vast majority of people throughout history have believed in God.

(3) This proves that common sense is not actually that common ... in fact, only atheists have it.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM TSUNAMIS (I)

(1) A tsunami killed a bunch of people.

(2) As an atheist who didn't experience it, I nonetheless proclaim that the emotional experience taught everybody that God does not exist.

(3) What? Most of those tsunami victims believe in God and have found meaning in the experience because of that?

(4) They're just emotionally confused because of their horrible experience.

(5) I'm objective, however, because I didn't experience it.

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM TSUNAMIS (II)

(1) A tsunami killed a bunch of people.

(2) It's more comforting to think that there is no God and it happened for no reason.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM TSUNAMIS (III)

(1) A tsunami killed a bunch of people.

(2) For people to find comfort in the belief that God exists and that it happened for a reason is pathetic and stupid.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM UNIVERSE CREATION (I)

(1) I define "Universe" as everything that exists.

(2) God could not have created the Universe because under this definition, He would have created Himself.

(3) If you object to my definition of "Universe," you can go screw yourself.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM UNIVERSE CREATION (II)

(1) Some people don't agree that the term "Universe" refers to everything that exists.

(2) But I insist that it does.

(3) So, refer back to the previous proof.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM UNIVERSE CREATION (III)

(1) I define "Universe" as everything that exists.

(2) Whatever made the universe exist is an exception to this.

(3) God, however, is not an exception.

(4) That is, God did not create the universe, but rather the thing that DID create the universe was the thing that created it.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM UNIVERSE CREATION (IV)

(1) I define "Universe" as everything that exists.

(2) God could not have created the Universe because under this definition, He would have created Himself.

(3) But that's impossible because things that do not exist cannot cause things to exist.

(4) Hence, God did not create the universe.

(5) Therefore, the universe was caused by nothing.

(6) This is because nothingness can cause things to exist.

(7) This is because nothingness is non-existence, and non-existence always exists.

(8) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM UNIVERSE CREATION (V), a.k.a. CARL SAGAN'S COSMOLOGICAL TIME-SAVER ARGUMENT

(1) Theists claim God always existed.

(2) Atheists claim the universe always existed.

(3) Why don't we "save a step" and just say the universe always existed?

(4) We can then use that "step" for something else where the need for it is greater (God knows "steps" are in short supply).

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM QUANTUM PHYSICS (I)

(1) Some particles seem to come into existence from nowhere.

(2) Either God is creating them or nothing is creating them.

(3) It makes more sense that nothing is creating them.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM INFINITY (I)

(1) God is infinite.

(2) But if He was infinite, then He would also be finite.

(3) Otherwise, He would lack something and thus be finite.

(4) But He is infinite.

(5) Therefore, the concept of an infinite God is absurd.

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM INFINITY (II)

(1) The very concept of infinity is a contradiction.

(2) If infinity was really infinite, then it would also be finite.

(3) Otherwise, it would lack something and thus be finite.

(4) But infinity is infinite.

(5) God is also infinite and thus also a contradiction like the concept of infinity.

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISTIC RELIGIONS

(1) Religions are stupid because they believe in god(s).

(2) Some religions (e.g. Buddhism, Scientology) do not believe in god(s).

(3) But they are still stupid because they are religions, as explained in (1).

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM THE SAGAN STANDARD (I)

(1) Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.

(2) The claim that God exists is extraordinary.

(3) Therefore, any evidence supporting it ought to be extraordinary as well.

(4) I'm not sure what I mean by "extraordinary."

(5) But whatever you come up with, it's not going to work.

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM THE SAGAN STANDARD (II)

(1) Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.

(2) The claim that God exists is extraordinary.

(3) Therefore, any evidence supporting it ought to be extraordinary as well.

(4) There are millions of extraordinary reports regarding miracles and visions of God throughout history.

(5) And although they may qualify as "extraordinary," this is not what I meant.

(6) I was looking for more ordinary evidence, like the stuff used to detect bacteria, etc.

(7) But such evidence would not be extraordinary and thus not support the existence of God.

(8) Therefore, the evidence that God exists does not exist.

(9) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM THE SAGAN STANDARD (III)

(1) Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.

(2) When I say "extraordinary" I mean "supernatural."

(3) The claim that God exists is extraordinary and thus supernatural.

(4) Therefore, any evidence for God ought to be supernatural as well.

(5) However, any supernatural evidence that you point to cannot be accepted by science.

(6) This is because the supernatural, by definition, is beyond science.

(7) Hence, it is beyond the criteria for evidence.

(8) Therefore, I reject it a priori.

(9) Therefore, extraordinary evidence, by definition, does not exist.

(10) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM RELIGION

(1) I think that religion X is wrong.

(2) Therefore, all religions are wrong.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTIFIC PROGRESS (I)

(1) When a country is the most scientifically advanced in the world, it's a sign that they're right about everything.

(2) Nazi Germany was the most scientifically advanced country in the world.

(3) Therefore, Nazi Germany was ...

(4) Well, that's an exception.

(5) Nazis were bad.

(6) And Hitler said he believed in God ... right?

(7) Therefore, atheism is right about everything.

(8) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTIFIC PROGRESS (II)

(1) The United States of America is one of the most scientifically advanced countries in the world.

(2) But the United States is the country with the most creationists in it.

(3) Creationism makes countries not scientifically advanced.

(4) Therefore, the United States is not scientifically advanced.

(5) But that's a contradiction because the United States is, in fact, scientifically advanced.

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM CREATIONISM

(1) People who believe in Creationism are wrong.

(2) Most Christians actually do not believe in creationism.

(3) But some do.

(4) Therefore, all Christians are wrong.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM GALILEO (I)

(1) The Church disagreed with Galileo.

(2) Galileo was right about everything.

(3) The Church was wrong about everything.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM GALILEO (II)

(1) Galileo was really awesome.

(2) Galileo invented the telescope.

(3) Galileo discovered sunspots.

(4) Galileo dropped stuff off the Leaning Tower of Pisa and discovered the Law of Falling Bodies.

(5) Galileo came up with the heliocentric model of the universe and proved it was true.

(6) But the Church tortured Galileo because they hated science.

(7) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM GALILEO (III)

(1) Well, maybe all that stuff was false.

(2) Hans Lippershey (not Galileo) invented the telescope.

(3) David Fabricius (not Galileo) discovered sunspots.

(4) Nicole Oresme (not Galileo) came up with the Law of Falling Bodies (and Galileo never actually dropped anything off the Tower of Pisa).

(5) Nicolaus Copernicus (not Galileo) actually came up with the heliocentric theory (and Copernicus was never persecuted by the Church).

(6) Galileo actually failed to prove that the heliocentric model was more accurate than the popular geocentric one.

(7) Galileo was never actually tortured either.

(8) But Galileo "knew in his heart" that he was right, despite the available evidence against him.

(9) Therefore, the Church was foolish to point out any weaknesses in his arguments.

(10) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM FLAT-EARTH

(1) Those who believe the earth is flat are wrong.

(2) People who believe in God also believe the earth is flat.

(3) Therefore, people who believe in God are wrong.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM MIGHT MAKES RIGHT (I)

(1) Might does not make right.

(2) The Catholic Church was the dominant power back in the Middle Ages.

(3) Therefore, the Church was obviously not right.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM MIGHT MAKES RIGHT (II)

(1) Might makes right.

(2) The Catholic Church was the dominant power back in the Middle Ages.

(3) That made the Church right.

(4) However, the Church isn't dominant anymore.

(5) Therefore, the Church is no longer right.

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ANTI-METAPHYSICAL ARGUMENT (I)

(1) We cannot know what exists outside the mind.

(2) Therefore, we cannot know whether God exists outside the mind.

(3) Therefore, we CAN know that God does not exist.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM POST-DEATH EXPERIENCE (I)

(1) Person X died a theist.

(2) He now realizes he was wrong because he doesn't exist anymore.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM POST-DEATH EXPERIENCE (II)

(1) Person X died an atheist.

(2) He now realizes he was right because he doesn't exist anymore.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. SIGMUND FREUD'S ARGUMENT FROM OEDIPUS

(1) The belief in God arises from the unconscious fear that your father is going to castrate you when he finds out you have a desire to sleep with your own mother.

(2) Obviously, only a crazy person would think that.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM EYEWITNESSES

(1) No one has ever seen God.

(2) I know this somehow.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM THE CRUSADES

(1) If God exists, He would not have let the Church defend itself from aggressive Muslim invaders.

(2) But the Church did defend itself from aggressive Muslim invaders.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM AGNOSTICISM (I)

(1) I don't know and you don't know either.

(2) And even if you claim you know, I know that, in fact, you're just full of crap.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM AGNOSTICISM (II)

(1) Technically, I'm an agnostic.

(2) But I like calling myself an atheist.

(3) It sounds like I have bigger balls that way.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM AGNOSTICISM (III)

(1) Technically, I'm an agnostic.

(2) But I always say stuff like "There is no God" and criticize theists for believing in God as if I knew for sure that there was no God, even though I technically don't.

(3) But if you're going to criticize me for that, you're just desperate to find fault with atheism.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM AGNOSTICISM (IV)

(1) Technically, I shouldn't say "God does not exist."

(2) But I should definitely not say "God exists."

(3) But for all practical purposes, I'll just say, "God does not exist."

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM JUST BEING A RETARD

(1) Even though I can't disprove certain religions, I'm going to assume that they're all false.

(2) And I'm going to use every ounce of energy to promote the idea that they're all evil.

(3) Even though I admit I can't prove any of this.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM HELL (I)

(1) God says that I'm going to go to hell if I deny him.

(2) I deny Him, so I guess I'm going to hell.

(3) Ha. No, I'm not.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM MOUNTAINS

(1) People used to think gods lived on Mt. Olympus.

(2) We've climbed Mt. Olympus and there were no gods there.

(3) Therefore, pagan gods are false.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM GENIUS

(1) I am an atheist.

(2) I'm a smart person.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM LOGIC (I)

(1) I am an atheist and thus use logic.

(2) I laugh when Christians use logic.

(3) Honestly, who do they think they are?

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM LOGIC (II)

(1) I am an atheist and thus use logic.

(2) I don't really know what logic is.

(3) I've neither read a book nor taken a course on logic.

(4) But I'm logical, you better believe it.

(5) You better watch out, you God people.

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM INDIGENOUS FOLKS (I)

(1) Theist: "Most indigenous folks all over the world started believing in gods independently."

(2) Atheist: "Many indigenous folks started eating each other, also independently."

(3) Theist: "So what are you saying?"

(4) Atheist: "That cannibalism doesn't exist. I mean, God does not exist. You know what I mean."

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM INDIGENOUS FOLKS (II)

(1) Atheism has appeared in every culture independently.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ADULTERY

(1) I'm sleeping with another man's wife.

(2) I don't feel like believing in God right now.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM SPAGHETTI

(1) A few people saw something weird in a bowl of spaghetti.

(2) Some Catholics believe that it was the Virgin Mary.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM BIBLICAL PROPHECY

(1) The Bible made some prophecies.

(2) Some of the prophecies came true.

(3) Coincidence?

(4) I think so.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM PROOF (I)

(1) If you cannot prove something, it doesn't exist.

(2) I cannot prove that God exists.

(3) Or rather, I tried a couple of times, but I honestly couldn't come up with anything good within the last few of seconds or so.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM PROOF (II)

(1) You cannot prove God does not exist.

(2) But you cannot prove God does exist.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM POSTMODERNISM

(1) I cannot prove there isn't a God any more than anyone of us can prove we really exist in a tangible world.

(2) But I'm going to believe in a tangible world anyway.

(3) Yeah.

(4) And I'm not going to believe in God.

(5) So ... there.

(6) How about that?

(7) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM PROOFABLENESS

(1) You can prove anything.

(2) You can prove that God exists.

(3) You can prove that God does not exist.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM PROOFLESSNESS

(1) You can't prove anything.

(2) You cannot prove that God exists.

(3) You cannot prove that God doesn't exist.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM SPEAKING IN TONGUES

(1) Padre Pio [or some saint] could speak to people in their native language even if he never learned it.

(2) No, he didn't.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM RELATIVISM

(1) If you believe in God, then God exists for you.

(2) If I don't believe in God, then God doesn't exist for me.

(3) I'm not you.

(4) I'm me.

(5) I don't care about you.

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM LIGHTNING (I)

(1) If God exists, then let Him strike me down.

(2) God does not strike me down.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM LIGHTING (II)

(1) If God exists, then let Him strike me down.

(2) God does not strike me ... aaaaaahhh!!! ARGUMENT FROM LIGHTING (III)

(1) That last argument never actually happened.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM LIGHTING (IV)

(1) If you ask a person to kill you and they don't, then that person do not exist.

(2) I asked God to kill me.

(3) He didn't kill me.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM EVIDENCE, a.k.a. BABELFISH ARGUMENT (I)

(1) Any evidence would be against faith.

(2) Without faith, God does not exist.

(3) Evidence for God exists.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE SIGNS

(1) Some old Church lady said she received a sign from God about something.

(2) That old Church lady is stupid.

(3) And she's old.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM MULTIPLE CHOICE (I)

(1) If there are many possible answers to a question, then all of them are false.

(2) There are many religions.

(3) Therefore, all of them are false.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM MULTIPLE CHOICE (II)

(1) If there are many conflicting beliefs about something, they are all wrong.

(2) There are many beliefs about God.

(3) Therefore, all beliefs about God are wrong.

(4) Therefore, the belief about God not existing is right.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM WOMEN

(1) The Church looks down upon women.

(2) More women go to Church than men.

(3) This shows that religion is just emotional.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM INVISIBILITY

(1) God is invisible.

(2) Therefore, I can't see God.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM UNIVERSAL DESTRUCTION

(1) A Christian said the world was going to end tomorrow.

(2) He was wrong.

(3) Therefore, Christianity has been one tangled web of lies.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM SINS I LIKE

(1) I like abortion.

(2) But the Church says abortion is evil.

(3) I know, I'll just deny God exists.

(4) There ... better.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT AGAINST PASCAL'S WAGER (I)

(1) If God exists, it would really suck.

(2) If God didn't exist, I would feel a lot better.

(3) Thus I shouldn't believe in God because it's logically the best bet.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT AGAINST PASCAL'S WAGER (II)

(1) Some claim that it's better to believe in God just in case He exists.

(2) I say, however, that it's better to not believe in God just in case He doesn't exist.

(3) It makes so much more sense.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT AGAINST PASCAL'S WAGER (III)

(1) Some claim that it's better to be believe in God just in case He exists.

(2) But you should only believe something if it's true, not because it's safer to believe.

(3) For example, you shouldn't believe that it's harmful to jump off a building simply because it's a safer belief.

(4) You should believe it because it's true.

(5) And if you don't know for sure if it's true, then you should not believe it and feel free to jump off the nearest building.

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM PRAGMATISM

(1) God exists for those who are comforted by the thought.

(2) I am not comforted by the thought.

(3) Let's just say I've done some things that I'm not proud of.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM OBJECTIVE MORALITY (I)

(1) If God created everything, He did not create morality.

(2) Assuming God exists and He created everything, He still didn't create morality, as noted above.

(3) And if God didn't create morality, then God did not create everything, which contradicts (1).

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM OBJECTIVE MORALITY (II)

(1) If there was a God, there would be objective morality.

(2) There isn't objective morality.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM OBJECTIVE MORALITY (III)

(1) If God can determine morality, then he can make murder good.

(2) But murder is not good, even if you grant that God can make murder good.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM OBJECTIVE MORALITY (IV)

(1) Atheist: "Would you kill an innocent person if God told you to?"

(2) Theist: "Yes."

(3) Atheist: "Ha. You're a psychopath. That would always be wrong."

(4) Theist: "What's your source of morality?"

(5) Atheist: "Nature. Or something like that."

(6) Theist: "If nature was different such that it was morally obligatory to kill an innocent person, would you do it?"

(7) Atheist: "No. That would always be wrong. Even if the very source of all morality that I believe in indicates otherwise."

(8) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM OBJECTIVE MORALITY (V)

(1) Theist: "Murder is wrong because God says so."

(2) Atheist: "No, murder is wrong because murder is wrong."

(3) Theist: "So ... could I say God exists because God exists?"

(4) Atheist: "Nope. That would be stupid reasoning."

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM EUTHYPHRO'S DILEMMA (I)

(1) God either decides what morality is or simply tells us what morality is.

(2) If God decides what morality is, then God could change morality at any time.

(3) Therefore, morality is just as mutable as it would be if there was no God.

(4) And if that was the case, then it doesn't matter whether God exists or not.

(5) In which case, it would be better not to believe in God.

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM EUTHYPHRO'S DILEMMA (II)

(1) God either decides what morality is or simply tells us what morality is.

(2) If God simply tells us what morality is, then morality does not come from God.

(3) Therefore, morality must have come from somewhere else, such as nature, even though God would have created nature.

(4) But even assuming God exists and he created everything (including nature), he is still not the source of morality for some reason.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM EUTHYPHRO'S DILEMMA (III)

(1) Theist: "If God cannot be the source of morality, then what is?"

(2) Atheist: "Nature. Or something like that."

(3) Theist: "But if God exists and is the source of nature, then wouldn't He ultimately be the source of morality? He would have been the one to decide what nature would be like and thus what morality would be like."

(4) Atheist: "Shut up, faggot."

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM INDIFFERENCE

(1) I'm not against religion or the belief in God, I just don't care either way.

(2) Therefore, I am an atheist.

(3) But I really hate Christianity.

(4) Don't even get me started.

(5) But again, I don't really care either way.

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM BRITISH ACCENTS

(1) Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens have British accents.

(2) People who have British accents are smart.

(3) Dawkins and Hitchens are atheists.

(4) Therefore, they must know what they're talking about.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE PERFECTION (I)

(1) God is an infinitely perfect being.

(2) The only reason for something to act is for some benefit.

(3) But God is infinitely perfect so He cannot get any more benefits.

(4) Therefore, God has no reason to act.

(5) Therefore, God does not act.

(6) Therefore, God does not even exist.

(7) Oh, and I've assumed here that God does not possess "selfless love," of course.

(8) Otherwise, He WOULD have reason to act ... namely, for the benefit of others.

(9) However, that would just ruin my argument.

(10) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE PERFECTION (II)

(1) A perfect being lacks nothing.

(2) A desire to be loved implies a need and thus a lack.

(3) Therefore, anyone who desires to be loved is imperfect.

(4) God wants to be loved.

(5) Therefore, God is imperfect.

(6) Oh, and I've assumed here that love never benefits those who love, just those who are loved.

(7) For example, when one loves reading philosophy, it's of no actual benefit to the reader but only to philosophy.

(8) Otherwise, God's desire to be loved may not indicate imperfection within Himself but imperfection within others, whom He selflessly seeks to benefit by getting them to care about "perfection" (or about "God", since they say God is Perfection).

(9) But, if you ignore that stupid, little fact, my argument works amazingly.

(10) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE PERFECTION (III)

(1) If God has selfless love, He acts only for the benefit of others.

(2) However, God can only benefit others if they exist.

(3) But others would not exist unless God created them.

(4) But God would not have created them since existence would not have benefitted them.

(5) Except, of course, insofar as it would then be possible for them to be benefitted (the only exception).

(6) Therefore, God had no reason to create the universe.

(7) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM FREE WILL (I)

(1) If God knows the future, free will doesn't exist.

(2) This is because if one knows something is going to happen, then it necessarily won't happen.

(3) God knows everyone's future choices.

(4) Therefore, everyone's future choices will not come to pass.

(5) But it's absurd to say that a thing in the future will not happen in the future.

(6) Therefore, either (2) is wrong or no one (even God) can know the future.

(7) Even though (2) is obviously wrong, I'm going to say it's true anyway.

(8) Therefore, God does not know the future.

(9) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM FREE WILL (II)

(1) If God knows the future, free will doesn't exist.

(2) This is because if you know a thing, you become the cause of that thing.

(3) God knows our future choices.

(4) Therefore, God is the cause of our future choices.

(5) Therefore, we are not the cause of our own choices.

(6) But if we are not the cause of our own choices, then our choices are not actually our choices.

(7) But if we don't make choices, then God can't know our future choices.

(8) And if God can't know our future choices, it is only then that our free will remains intact.

(9) So to preserve free will, God can't have foreknowledge of our future choices.

(10) Now, even though this argument rests upon a stupid premise ("If you know a thing, you become the cause of that thing"), I assure you the rest of the argument makes complete sense.

(11) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM FREE WILL (III)

(1) All our actions are determined by the laws of physics.

(2) Therefore, we do not have free will.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM FREE WILL (IV)

(1) If God exists, He created sin.

(2) That is, He forced people to choose evil by their own free will.

(3) However, it's a contradiction to force a person to choose something by their own free will.

(4) Therefore, God did not create sin.

(5) However, this contradicts (1).

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM SUFFERING (I)

(1) If God exists, He created suffering.

(2) But if God exists, He would not have created suffering.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM SUFFERING (II)

(1) A good person would not allow others to suffer.

(2) For example, a good father would never punish his children.

(3) He would never allow them to make any mistakes.

(4) He would shelter them from all possible discomfort.

(5) Because that is how you make people good.

(6) But God allows us to feel pain sometimes.

(7) Therefore, God is not good.

(8) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM SUFFERING (III)

(1) Suffering is necessary for building character.

(2) God wants us to go to heaven, where there will be no suffering.

(3) How boring is that?

(4) Therefore, God does not really care about us.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM SUFFERING (IV)

(1) God is a pansy.

(2) Love is weakness.

(3) It's all about survival of the fittest.

(4) If you don't endure life's challenges, then you're pathetic.

(5) Your God is the complete opposite of that.

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM OCKHAM'S RAZOR (I)

(1) If something is complicated, then it does not exist.

(2) God makes things complicated.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE SIMPLICITY (I), a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM OCKHAM'S FIVE-O'CLOCK SHADOW

(1) If something is too simple, then it does not exist.

(2) God makes things too simple.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ORDER (I)

(1) There is order in the universe.

(2) This order happened by accident.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ORDER (II)

(1) If God exists, there would be order in the universe.

(2) There is no order in the universe.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ORDER (III)

(1) If God exists, there would be order in the universe.

(2) There is some order in the universe, but not that much.

(3) In fact, it's at a certain amount such that it indicates God does not exist.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ORDER (IV)

(1) There is order in the universe.

(2) This order explains away the need for God.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM THE PRINCIPLE OF INSUFFICIENT REASON

(1) Either something exists for a reason or does not.

(2) The universe either exists for a reason or does not.

(3) The more reasonable position is that the universe exists for no reason.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ANGER (I)

(1) I'm pissed off right now.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM RACISM (I)

(1) Lots of white people believe in Jesus.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM RACISM (II)

(1) Lots of black people believe in Jesus.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM BLINDNESS

(1) Christians are intellectually blind.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM SMUGNESS

(1) God doesn't exist.

(2) I don't give a crap whether you believe it or not; I have better things to do than try to convince you morons.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. JEAN-PAUL SATRES' EXISTENTIAL ARGUMENT

(1) I'm going to believe that there is no God just because I choose to will it.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM STEADFAST DOUBT

(1) A lot of really cool people did not believe in God their entire lives.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ASSUMPTION

(1) God does not exist.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM INFANTILE INTELLIGENCE (I)

(1) Everyone is born an atheist.

(2) Therefore, we should think like that.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM REPRODUCTION (I)

(1) If God existed, He would not allow new children to be brought into this godless world.

(2) New children are still being brought into this godless world.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM REPRODUCTION (II)

(1) Darwin says that those who reproduce survive.

(2) Religious people reproduce more than atheists.

(3) In fact, atheists don't reproduce that much.

(4) But atheists will survive anyway.

(5) And then religious people will be extinct.

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM OMNIPOTENCE (I)

(1) I don't understand what you mean by "omnipotence."

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM OMNIPOTENCE (II)

(1) If God is omnipotent, God can do things that He can't do.

(2) Otherwise, there would be somethings that He can't do, and thus not be omnipotent.

(3) But it's absurd to say that God can do what He can't do.

(4) Therefore, omnipotence is absurd.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM OMNIPOTENCE (III)

(1) Some say that "omnipotence" refers to the ability to do anything except break the principle of non-contradiction.

(2) In other words, God cannot do things that are logically absurd.

(3) Well, I insist that omnipotence include the logically absurd.

(4) Because then I can prove omnipotence is logically absurd.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM OMNISCIENCE (I)

(1) I don't understand what you mean by "omniscience."

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM OMNISCIENCE (II)

(1) An omniscient being knows everything.

(2) But if a being is omniscient, it would know what it does not know.

(3) Otherwise, it would not know something and thus not be omniscient.

(4) But it is impossible for one to know what one does not know.

(5) Therefore, omniscience is a contradiction.

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM OMNISCIENCE (III)

(1) If a being is omniscient, it would know what it does not know.

(2) This is similar to how everything includes the absence of everything.

(3) If it didn't, everything would lack something.

(4) But everything cannot include the absence of everything, otherwise it would lack everything.

(5) Therefore, the concept of everything is absurd.

(6) Therefore, everything does not exist.

(7) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM OMNIBENEVOLENCE (I), a.k.a. SAM HARRIS' IMAGINARY ARGUMENT

(1) Bad things happen.

(2) This means God is impotent, evil, or imaginary.

(3) If God is impotent, then He's not powerful and thus doesn't exist.

(4) If God is evil, then He's not good and thus doesn't exist.

(5) If God is imaginary, then God doesn't exist.

(6) Now some theists claim God allows bad things to happen to bring about a greater good.

(7) This would mean God might still be omnipotent, omnibenevolent, and real.

(8) I don't know any rational argument to disprove that.

(9) So, I'll make this appeal to emotion: it's callous to tell people that their suffering is meaningful.

(10) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM OMNIBENEVOLENCE (II)

(1) If you are able to stop someone from making a mistake, you are obligated to stop them no matter what.

(2) God is able to stop us from making a mistake by taking away our free will.

(3) But people obviously keep on making mistakes by their own free will.

(4) Only a tyrannical, evil God would give people free will.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM OMNIPRESENCE

(1) Only material things can occupy space.

(2) God is not material.

(3) Therefore, God cannot occupy space.

(4) Therefore, God cannot be everywhere.

(5) This is somewhat like gravity.

(6) Gravity isn't material and yet it exists everywhere.

(7) But even though gravity is real, God is not.

(8) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM BEAUTY

(1) I think the universe is much more beautiful if it happened by accident.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM RESURRECTION

(1) Proof of God's existence will be available when you rise bodily from your grave.

(2) Too bad that's not going to happen.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM STALIN

(1) Stalin was an atheist.

(2) He killed millions of people just like religious people did throughout history.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISM (VI)

(1) If God exists, He would not have made me an atheist.

(2) I am an atheist.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM NUMBERS

(1) Most people believe in God.

(2) But they are all wrong.

(3) We intelligent, happy few know better.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM INFINITE REGRESS (I)

(1) Christians claim that God created the universe.

(2) But who created God?

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM INFINITE REGRESS (II)

(1) Christian: "God created the Big Bang."

(2) Atheist: "But who created God?"

(3) Christian: "God always existed."

(4) Atheist: "Then, you've answered your own question."

(5) Christian: "I didn't ask a question."

(6) Atheist: "Ah, yes, but you did ... you did." [followed by an awkward silence]

(7) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM INFINITE REGRESS (III)

(1) If you're asked what caused the Big Bang, admit that you don't know.

(2) If you're asked whether God could have caused it, admit that it's possible.

(3) But then make fun of that possibility as if it were in fact impossible.

(4) That should confuse them.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM IMPROBABILITY

(1) God's existence is extremely improbable.

(2) Scientists have calculated this.

(3) They did experiments and maths.

(4) I checked.

(5) It pans out.

(6) You'd be a fool to deny it.

(7) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT AGAINST G.K. CHESTERTON (I), a.k.a. THE BLACK SWAN ARGUMENT (I)

(1) Atheist: "Well, can you tell me any man of intellect, great in science or philosophy, who accepted the miraculous?"

(2) Chesterton: "With pleasure. Descartes, Dr. Johnson, Newton, Faraday, Newman, Gladstone, Pasteur, Browning, Brunetiere - as many more as you please."

(3) Atheist: "Oh, but of course they had to say that; they were Christians."

(4) The atheist's argument, as Chesterton summed it up was: "All men that count have come to my conclusion; for if they come to your conclusion they do not count."

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT AGAINST G.K. CHESTERTON (II), a.k.a. THE BLACK SWAN ARGUMENT (II)

(1) Some intellectual men of intellect, great in science or philosophy, have been Christian.

(2) This proves that they either are not great intellects or are not really Christian.

(3) Therefore, no man of intellect, great in science or philosophy, are Christian.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM HUMAN NECESSITY (I)

(1) Atheists say that they don't need God.

(2) Which just goes to show that they're right about that.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM HUMAN NECESSITY (II)

(1) People believe in God because they have a need for God.

(2) Which just goes to show that God doesn't exist.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM HUMAN NECESSITY (III)

(1) People believe in God because they have a need for God.

(2) This is kind of like how people believe in food because they need food.

(3) But if food really existed, then people wouldn't be hungry.

(4) Likewise, people obviously need God.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. CHURCH ARGUMENT (I)

(1) Lots of people go to church.

(2) Those people are stupid.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT AGAINST SOLIPSISM

(1) Atheist: "Reality is that which can be demonstrated."

(2) Solipsist: "That's why I only believe in myself and dismiss everything else as an illusion."

(3) Atheist: "Wait, what? You're retarded. You mean you don't believe in a world outside your own mind?"

(4) Solipsist: "That's right. I don't even believe you exist."

(5) Atheist: "But I do exist. You can see me."

(6) Solipsist: "I have a sensory image of 'you' but you can't prove that 'you' exist ... or anything else for that matter."

(7) Atheist: "Well, you're a moron."

(8) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM "THE MATRIX" (I)

(1) We cannot prove that we don't live in a Matrix-like world.

(2) We also cannot prove that God exists.

(3) But I'm going to believe that we don't live in a Matrix-like world.

(4) But I'm not going to believe God exists.

(5) That's the solution to the dilemma.

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM "THE MATRIX" (II)

(1) Some deny that they have to disbelieve in something (like God) if it's not proveable.

(2) For example, just because you can't prove that your senses are telling you the truth doesn't mean you shouldn't believe that they're telling you the truth.

(3) But if we deny the reliability of our senses, we might get hurt by external objects.

(4) That is, of course, assuming that there are external objects, as our senses tells us.

(5) So, this might be begging the question which, I admit, is a fallacy.

(6) But I think that fallacy can be used legitimately here.

(7) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ANECDOTAL EXPERIENCE

(1) I have not experienced feelings of God's presence in my mind.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM NEUROSCIENCE (I)

(1) Scientists say a portion of our brain may be responsible for mystical experiences.

(2) Therefore, all mystical experiences are fake.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ANCESTRY

(1) I'm a monkey!

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM INTEREST

(1) If God really existed then Christians wouldn't spend so much time trying to defend Him.

(2) [Christian refutes (1).]

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM RELIGIOUS FREEDOM

(1) You are free to believe or disbelieve in God.

(2) But if you believe in God, then you're stupid.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM MONEY

(1) All U.S. currency contains the motto "In God We Trust"

(2) That makes me so angry.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM DANE COOK

(1) Dane Cook made fun of an atheist.

(2) Dane Cook is therefore not funny.

(3) If Dane Cook is not funny, then all his beliefs are wrong.

(4) Dane Cook believes in God, therefore he is wrong about that too.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM EXCOMMUNICATION (I)

(1) The Pope sometimes excommunicates politicians for their bad actions.

(2) The Pope should stay out of politics.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM EXCOMMUNICATION (II)

(1) The Pope sometimes does not excommunicate politicians for their bad actions.

(2) The Pope shouldn't be so complacent.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM OPRAH

(1) Oprah believes in God.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM SUICIDE (I)

(1) According to the American Journal of American Psychiatry, atheists have a higher suicide rate than religious people.

(2) But that's just because religious people drive atheists crazy.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ZOMBIE JESUS

(1) If Jesus came back to life, he would be a zombie.

(2) That would mean he would be an undead, nasty, slobbering, rotting corpse with limbs falling off and constantly trying to eat people's brains.

(3) That is a freaky image of Jesus.

(4) Now you don't like Jesus anymore.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM NIETZSCHE (I)

(1) God is dead.

(2) We have killed him.

(3) He totally existed before that, but not any more.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM NIETZSCHE (II)

(1) Religion was created by the weak to control the strong.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM KARL MARX (I)

(1) Religion was created by the strong to control the weak.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM KARL MARX (II)

(1) Religion is the opium of the people.

(2) We Communists who believe that the world is going to turn into a happy atheistic la-la land where everyone always gets along somehow, in contrast, are not on opium.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTIFIC FAITH (I)

(1) Science, unlike religion, always operates on proof rather than faith.

(2) Even though all scientific proofs ultimately boil down to principles that must be accepted on faith.

(3) But if you don't think about that, then it's totally not a problem.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. PENN JIlLETTE'S ARGUMENT FROM THE BIBLE

(1) Just read the Bible, and you'll become an atheist.

(2) That's right. All Popes, Bishops, Priests, Monks, Hermits, Friars, Nuns, Street Preachers, Scripture Scholars, Theologians, Sunday School Teachers, Bible-Thumpers, and other Christians who've read the Bible were all actually atheists, for real.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM PUKING (I)

(1) I feel sick when religious people say things to me.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM PUKING (II)

(1) I feel sick when religious people say things to me.

(2) That obviously means religious people have some kind of emotional problem.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM PRISON (I)

(1) A lot of prisoners say they're Christian.

(2) Therefore, Christianity is evil.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM PRISON (II)

(1) A lot of prisoners say they're Christian.

(2) Even though a lot of them do it to impress their Corrections Officers.

(3) And they can get extra time away from their small cell in a spacious chapel free from physical harassment from prisoners who don't go to the chapel.

(4) Ah, it's such a corrupt system.

(5) And it's all Christianity's fault for some reason.

(6) Still, since these criminals say they're Christian, it means Christianity is evil.

(7) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM PURELY COINCIDENTAL MASS GENOCIDE (I)

(1) Joseph Stalin, Mao Zedong, and Pol Pot were some of the most murderous dictators in the history of the world.

(2) They were also all atheists.

(3) But that was just a coincidence.

(4) This is because atheism can never be blamed for anything.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM PURELY COINCIDENTAL MASS GENOCIDE (II)

(1) The atheism of certain dictators and their genocidal behavior are completely not connected with each other.

(2) That's because atheism is merely a "lack of belief" in something.

(3) But a mere lack of belief has no impact on a person's behavior.

(4) For example, if I don't think black people are human beings, that won't have any impact on any of my actions ever.

(5) Even if I happen to enslave, rape, and kill black people, it necessarily has nothing to do with how I don't believe black people are human beings.

(6) Therefore, atheism neatly cannot be blamed for anything.

(7) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF AFTERLIFE

(1) After you die, you don't exist anymore.

(2) This proves that God does not exist.

(3) I know I can't prove (1).

(4) But I'm going to assume it and ridicule people who disagree with me.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM GOOGLE

(1) It's been proven that God does not exist.

(2) But I'm not doing your research for you.

(3) Just go on the internet and find the truth out for yourself.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM CHILDHOOD (I)

(1) People are Christian because their parents happen to be Christian.

(2) People are Muslim because their parents happen to be Muslim.

(3) People are Jewish because their parents happen to be Jewish.

(4) People are Hindu because their parents happen to be Hindu.

(5) But people are Atheist because they chose to disagree with their parents and think for themselves (unless of course, their parents are atheists, in which case they should have wisely adopted their parents' views).

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM CHILDHOOD (II)

(1) Atheist: "You're just Christian because your parents were Christian."

(2) Christian: "Actually, my parents were atheists. I converted to Christianity."

(3) Atheist: "Well, then, you're a bigger idiot than I thought."

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS' MORAL ARGUMENT

(1) Hitchens: [gives a talk about how immoral religions are but clearly does not explain what morality even is]

(2) Theist: "So, if morality isn't based on God, then what is morality based on?"

(3) Hitchens: "You obviously weren't listening to me."

(4) Theist: "But-"

(5) Hitchens: "No, please. I have better things to do right now." [he leaves]

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ALIENS (I)

(1) If aliens exist, then that means God does not exist.

(2) I had a friend who swore he saw a UFO one night when he was camping out in the backyard.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ALIENS (II)

(1) Believing in God is like believing in aliens.

(2) No matter how much evidence there is, you have to deny they exist.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM INTOLERANCE (I)

(1) Christianity does not tolerate other religions.

(2) Therefore, Christianity should not be tolerated.

(3) Therefore, all religions should not be tolerated.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM INTOLERANCE (II)

(1) Christianity cannot explain why other religions are wrong.

(2) Therefore, Christianity is wrong.

(3) Therefore, all religions are wrong.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. STEVEN WEINBERG'S ARGUMENT FROM GOOD PEOPLE (I)

(1) Good people do good things.

(2) Bad people do bad things.

(3) But in religion, good people do bad things.

(4) In other words, good people who believe in religion are, in fact, bad people.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. STEVEN WEINBERG'S ARGUMENT FROM GOOD PEOPLE (II)

(1) Only in religion, otherwise perfectly good people do evil things.

(2) Religion is thus just like lying, cheating, stealing, murdering, etc.

(3) When lying, cheating, stealing, and murdering, etc. otherwise perfectly good people do evil things.

(4) But religion is completely unique because it can also do this.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM THE VIRGIN BIRTH

(1) Christians claim that Jesus was born of a virgin.

(2) But that's not scientifically possible.

(3) Women require sexual intercourse to get pregnant.

(4) Even though that's not true anymore thanks to in vitro fertilization, artificial insemination, and embryonic transfer.

(5) But it's absurd to think that God, an Omnipotent Being, can also do this somehow.

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM FALSE GODS

(1) Atheist: "You think that millions of people are going to hell just because, through no fault of their own, they're praying to the 'wrong god'."

(2) Christian: "Well, if it's not their fault, then I don't believe they're going to hell."

(3) Atheist: "Oh, so everyone's going to heaven?"

(4) Christian: "Not the people who are praying to the wrong god on purpose."

(5) Atheist: "Well, how do you know it's on purpose?"

(6) Christian: "I don't. God does."

(7) Atheist: "That's assuming God exists."

(8) Christian: "Yeah."

(9) Atheist: "Ha. Well ... guess what? You're stupid."

(10) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT AGAINST FOXHOLES (I)

(1) They say there are no atheists in foxholes.

(2) I proved this wrong.

(3) I made a foxhole in my backyard.

(4) I crawled into said foxhole.

(5) I managed to stay an atheist pretty much the whole time.

(6) It was a heroic victory in the battle against religion!

(7) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM FORGIVENESS (I)

(1) God condemns some people to hell for all eternity.

(2) If God were truly good, he would forgive them instead.

(3) But God doesn't do that.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM FORGIVENESS (II)

(1) God sends terrible people to heaven if they convert on their deathbed.

(2) But if God were truly good, He would condemn them to hell for all eternity.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. APOLLO 9/11 ARGUMENT (I)

(1) Science flies you to the moon.

(2) Religion flies you into buildings.

(3) There might be some other things that science and religion do, but let's not confuse the issue with facts.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. APOLLO 9/11 ARGUMENT (II)

(1) Science flies you to the moon.

(2) Religion flies you into buildings.

(3) Despite the fact that science built the planes that flew people into buildings.

(4) And despite the fact that some of the lunar astronauts (Buzz Aldrin, for example) were extremely religious people.

(5) But you still get my point, whatever it is.

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. APOLLO 9/11 ARGUMENT (III)

(1) Science put a man on the moon.

(2) That did a lot.

(3) Particularly, it made the United States of America look way better than the Soviet Union.

(4) In other words, it made a bunch of freedom-loving Christians look way better than a bunch of totalitarian atheists.

(5) Nonetheless, this proves that atheism is better somehow.

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM GODLESS GEEKS (I)

(1) I like the strawmen arguments that made fun of theist arguments better.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM GODLESS GEEKS (II)

(1) This website just copied an atheist idea (whereas, atheist humor is always original).

(2) Therefore, these arguments are not funny.

(3) Therefore, I don't have to fess up to the fact that atheist arguments are stupid.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. CHURCK NORRIS ARGUMENT (I)

(1) God doesn't exist because Chuck Norris wouldn't allow it.

(2) (Even though Chuck Norris says he's a devout Christian).

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. CHURCK NORRIS ARGUMENT (II)

(1) Chuck Norris is a Christian.

(2) Churck Norris promotes violence.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. CHURCK NORRIS ARGUMENT (II)

(1) Chuck Norris is a Christian.

(2) But Chuck Norris is also an atheist.

(3) How is this possible?

(4) Answer: Chuck *roundhouse kick to the face* Norris.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM MISINFORMATION

(1) Atheist: "You are taught to believe X, which I find stupid and abhorrent."

(2) Christian: "No, we're not."

(3) Atheist: "Oh, yes you are."

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM CHARITY

(1) Religious people never do anything for the poor and unfortunate.

(2) And when they do, they aren't motivated by religion.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARUMENT FROM UNIVERSAL CONSENSUS (V)

(1) Christians agree on some things.

(2) People who agree on things are mindless dweebs who don't think for themselves.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM UNIVERSAL CONSENSUS (VI)

(1) Christians disagree on some things.

(2) Concepts are not valid unless people agree on every detail.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM OMNI-SCIENCE

(1) Science shows us that science can show us everything that could possibly exist.

(2) But science doesn't show us that God exists.

(3) Therefore, belief in God is akin to belief in (you guessed it) the Flying Spaghetti Monster!

(4) Therefore, God doesn't exist. ARGUMENT FROM NICE JESUS

(1) Jesus wasn't God.

(2) He was just a good guy.

(3) Therefore, just pretend he never claimed he was God (because nice guys just wouldn't do that).

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM RELIGIOUS AUTHORITY

(1) A priest told me that X is immoral.

(2) However, I do X everyday.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. STEPHEN LAW'S EVIL GOD ARGUMENT

(1) It is clear that the God who created the universe is evil.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. MYSTERY CARD ARGUMENT (I)

(1) I asked a Christian a question about God.

(2) He didn't know the answer.

(3) That means that no Christian has the answer.

(4) Therefore, all of Christianity is a lie.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. MYSTERY CARD ARGUMENT (II)

(1) I asked a Christian to explain every event in the universe and how it all exactly fits with "God's plan."

(2) He could not explain everything in the universe.

(3) Moron.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. MAIN TIRESOME ARGUMENT

(1) Maybe, God does not exist.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE SIGNS, a.k.a. BABELFISH ARGUMENT (II)

(1) If God exists, He would give us a sign.

(2) But if He gave us a sign, then that would destroy faith.

(3) And we can't believe in God if we don't have faith.

(4) However, faith is unreasonable.

(5) Therefore, we should only believe in things we can prove.

(6) Therefore, there is no way we can accept the existence of God, especially if it's proved.

(7) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM THE TOOTH FAIRY

(1) The Tooth Fairy does not exist.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM THE BIBLE (II)

(1) If the Bible were really the word of God, it would be the Big Book of Everything, explaining transistors and the soil composition of Mars.

(2) The Bible is not the Big Book of Everything (but just a trivial book about God irrelevantly "saving" humanity).

(3) Therefore, the Bible is not the word of God.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM CHILDREN (I)

(1) Children believe in God.

(2) Children are childish.

(3) Therefore, it is childish to believe in God.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM CHILDREN (II)

(1) Christopher Hitchens "just knew" that God did not exist at age nine.

(2) I believe that children are our future.

(3) Teach them well and let them lead the way.

(4) Show them all the beauty they possess inside.

(5) Give them a sense of pride to make it easier.

(6) Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be.

(7) Therefore nine year old Christopher Hitchens was right.

(8) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM BAD ARGUMENTS (II)

(1) There are bad arguments for God's existence.

(2) Therefore, there are no good ones.

(3) As a further consequence of (1), I'm not going to listen to any more theistic arguments.

(4) Therefore, God doesn't exist. ARGUMENT FROM OMNIPOTENCE (IV)

(1) Can God create a rock so heavy He can't lift it?

(2) In other words, is there a point where an object's weight becomes so great that the ability to move anything whatsoever is then unable to move something?

(3) No? Well, I guess God isn't omnipotent then.

(4) Because God can only be omnipotent if He's NOT able to do certain things.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM OMNIPOTENCE (V)

(1) Can God create a rock so heavy He can't lift it?

(2) In other words, can God be both capable and incapable?

(3) In other words, can God do something and yet not do it?

(4) No? Well, then I guess God is not omnipotent then.

(5) Because omnipotence only makes sense if it includes the logically absurd (contrary to what theologians say).

(6) However, if it includes the logically absurd, then it still doesn't make sense.

(7) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM HITCHENS' RAZOR (I)

(1) What can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence.

(2) Theists assert God exists without evidence.

(3) Therefore, I can dismiss God's existence without evidence.

(4) Therefore, you cannot dismiss my baseless dismissal without evidence.

(5) Therefore, you cannot dismiss my atheism.

(6) Therefore, you must accept my atheism.

(7) Therefore, God does not exist. NOT SO BRIGHT ARGUMENT

(1) I call myself a "bright."

(2) That's a cute way of saying "atheist" because, of course, atheists are the brightest people ever.

(3) This is kind of like how homosexuals hijacked the word "gay."

(4) It makes it sound nice.

(5) It'll make atheism way more popular.

(6) It totally won't be gay anymore.

(7) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT AGAINST THE GOD OF THE GAPS (I)

(1) Theists say that if we don't know what caused X, then God did it.

(2) People used to NOT know what caused lightning.

(3) Therefore, they said God did it.

(4) But now, we know that lightning is caused by electrical fields and ionized air and stuff.

(5) Therefore, no matter what X equals, God is not the cause of it.

(6) Therefore, God never causes anything.

(7) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT AGAINST THE GOD OF THE GAPS (II)

(1) If we don't know what caused X, then God did NOT do it.

(2) We do not know what caused the origin of life.

(3) Therefore, God did not do it.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT AGAINST THE GOD OF THE GAPS (III)

(1) If a natural explanation is discovered that explains X, then God had nothing to do with it.

(2) Even if God exists and He created everything in nature, it still follows that X was not caused by God in any way whatsoever.

(3) It's kind of like when a person makes a hammer and then uses it to hammer in nails.

(4) The person doesn't hammer in the nails ... the hammer does.

(5) The person holding the hammer has nothing to do with the nails being hammered.

(6) Likewise, even if God created all natural processes and designed them to act according to His infinitely well-crafted cosmic plan, anything that is caused by a natural process can in no way be said to be something that God did.

(7) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM EVERYONE REALLY BEING AN ATHEIST DEEP DOWN INSIDE

(1) Everyone is really an atheist.

(2) It's just a matter of being honest with oneself.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM UNFALSIFIABILITY

(1) Some arguments that Christians make are unfalsifiable.

(2) Therefore, they are bad arguments.

(3) We only want Christians to make falsifiable arguments because then we can falsify them.

(4) Those kind of arguments are good.

(5) Hence, for all practical purposes, all theistic arguments that are unfalsifiable shall be considered false.

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM THE EASTER BUNNY

(1) The Easter Bunny does not exist.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ANTI-SEMITIC ARGUMENT (I)

(1) Some Christians hate the Jews.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ANTI-SEMITIC ARGUMENT (II)

(1) Some Christians do not hate the Jews.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ANTI-SEMITIC ARGUMENT (III)

(1) Jews!

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM RIDICULOUS ASSERTION

(1) All conflict is caused by religion.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM FREE WILL (V)

(1) If God gave us free will, He would allow us to do evil.

(2) But God punishes us if we do evil.

(3) Therefore, we are not allowed to do evil.

(4) Therefore, God did not give us free will.

(5) So, even if God gave us the ability to choose evil (which is what most people call "free will," but I don't), He did NOT give us the ability to choose evil without painful consequences (and that's my own personal, non-standard definition of "free will" upon which this argument is delicately balanced).

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM POLYTHEISM (I)

(1) Theist: "I believe in God."

(2) Atheist: "Which one?"

(3) Theist: "The one that -"

(4) Atheist: "Nope. Rhetorical question. This is where you just accept defeat and get annoyed at how much more smarter I am than you."

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM POLYTHEISM (II)

(1) Atheist: "I do not believe in God."

(2) Theist: "Which one?"

(3) Atheist: "All gods."

(4) Theist: "You mean, 'all things that people have called gods'."

(5) Atheist: "Yeah, sure. Whatever."

(6) Theist: "Well, people have worshipped the sun as a god, as well as living people, and the universe itself."

(7) Atheist: "So? What's your point?"

(8) Theist: "Are you saying you don't believe in the sun, people, or the universe?"

(9) Atheist: "No, I said I don't believe in gods. Man, you're stupid."

(10) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM POLYTHEISM (III), a.k.a. ARUGMENT FROM A THEIST IN DENIAL

(1) Some people have worshipped the sun, people, and the universe as gods.

(2) However, as an atheist, I do not deny the existence of such things.

(3) I simply deny that those things are gods.

(4) Likewise, as an atheist, I can (if I so choose) believe in an omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent personal being who created the universe.

(5) I would simply deny that such a thing is God (and thus I still remain an atheist).

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM POLYTHEISM (IV)

(1) Atheist: "I do not deny the existence of the sun, people, and the universe even though some people have worshipped them as gods. I simply deny they are gods."

(2) Theist: "What exactly do you mean by 'not gods'?"

(3) Atheist: "It means that I don't think they have 'deific nature'."

(4) Theist: "What does that mean?"

(5) Atheist: "It pretty much means that they're not gods. I think that pretty much clears it up."

(6) Therefore, God does not exist. PENN JILETTE'S ARGUMENT FROM KILLING YOUR CHILDREN (I)

(1) If God told you to kill your child and you do NOT do it, then you're an atheist.

(2) However, if God told you NOT to kill your child and you STILL do it (i.e. you commit a sin), then you're NOT an atheist ... you're just a bad Christian (just like all Christians).

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. PENN JILETTE'S ARGUMENT FROM KILLING YOUR CHILDREN (II)

(1) If God told you to kill your child and you DO do it, then you're a menace.

(2) This is assuming God does not define morality.

(3) As an atheist, I don't really have any clear idea what DOES define morality.

(4) But whatever defines it, killing your child would never be okay.

(5) And even if there are exceptions, it's unrelated to what God says.

(6) Again, I don't have any clear, rational idea of what I'm talking about, but hopefully I've said something that will give you an emotional reaction against the idea that God exists.

(7) Therefore, God does not exist. PENN JILETTE'S ARGUMENT FROM KILLING YOUR CHILDREN (III)

(1) Sometimes killing your children is okay (e.g. abortion).

(2) Therefore, don't listen to God if He tells you NOT to kill your children.

(3) Be an atheist instead.

(4) You'll feel way less guilty.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISTIC NIHILISM (I)

(1) Some Christians claim that if God doesn't exist, they would become rapists and murderers.

(2) Therefore, believing in God turns people into rapists and murderers.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISTIC NIHILISM (II)

(1) I don't believe in God, and yet I'm NOT a rapist or a murderer.

(2) Therefore, not believing in God is the thing that will prevent people from becoming rapists and murderers (yes, even those who say believing in God is the only thing holding them back from becoming rapists and murderers).

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISTIC NIHILISM (III)

(1) I can't really say why I shouldn't be a rapist or a murderer.

(2) I just follow this vague sense of ethics loosely based off the dying, Christian heritage of Western civilization.

(3) But I'm sure the very basis upon which those remaining moral values are founded can be gotten rid of without fear of regrettable consequences.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. PENN JILETTE'S LOGICAL MISDIRECTION ARGUMENT

(1) Theist: "If there is no God, what's to stop me from raping and murdering anyone I want?"

(2) Jilette: "You're a bad person!" [audience laughs and doesn't realize he didn't answer the question]

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. PENN JILETTE'S HONEST ANSWER (+ ANOTHER HONEST ANSWER HE NEVER GAVE)

(1) Theist: "If there is no God, what's to stop me from raping and murdering anyone I want?"

(2) Jilette: "I already rape and murder all the people I want. You know how many people that is? Zero."

(3) Theist: "Well, what if you DID want to rape and murder some people? Would anything stop you?"

(4) Jilette: "Well ... um ... maybe ... not."

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ANGER (II)

(1) I'm an extremely rational person.

(2) But I get irrational when the topic of God comes up.

(3) That just shows how irrational the very idea of God is.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ANGER (III)

(1) Why do believers get so angry when someone has a different opinion than them?

(2) Athiests never get angry.

(3) Except with those goddam theists. God, I hate them.

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISM (VII)

(1) Atheism is more common than you think.

(2) Just like being gay.

(3) I'm not saying all atheists are gay.

(4) Some are, and that's cool.

(5) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM FLEETING DOUBT (I)

(1) Have you ever doubted your faith even a little bit?

(2) You have?

(3) Ha! You're an atheist!

(4) Therefore, God does not exist. ARGUMENT FROM FLEETING DOUBT (II)

(1) If a religious person has a passing doubt about his faith, then he's really an atheist.

(2) If an atheist has a passing doubt about his atheism, then, don't worry, he's still an atheist.

(3) Therefore, God does not exist. CHRISTOPHER HITCHEN'S ARGUMENT FROM MOTHER TERESA

(1) Mother Teresa was evil! EVIL!!!!!!!

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. DANIEL DENNETT'S ARGUMENT FROM MOTHER TERESA

(1) Mother Teresa was actually an atheist.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. DANIEL DENNETT'S ARGUMENT FROM CHRISTIAN CHARITY

(1) Christians who devote their lives to helping the poor and doing good works are actually secret atheists atoning for their hypocrisy for pretending to be Christian.

(2) Therefore, God does not exist. DANIEL DENNETT'S ARGUMENT AGAINST THE PROFESSION OF FAITH

(1) The Catholic Church tells its members to "profess their faith" even if they don't fully believe their faith at the time.

(2) That's just like saying "thank you" just becaus