Every now and then we like to browse Google News to check in on how things are going with the Washington Wizards' future superstar, Kevin Durant. When we checked in today, we were greeted by the following headlines:

Needless to say, we were a little panicked so of course, we had to do some digging on these wild headlines. As it turns out, the news came from a recent interview Kevin Durant did with Revolt. Here's some of Durant's key quotes about his impending free agency, via Michael Lee of the Washington Post:

"I hear it all the time, don't get me wrong, and once you hear it you're kind of like," Durant said, looking up and thinking. "But for me, I love staying in the moment, and I'm one of those guys that would love to stick it out with one team my whole career." Durant has played in two NBA cities — the Seattle SuperSonics moved to Oklahoma City after his rookie season — but he has been with the same franchise his entire eight-year career. Having a one player, one team legacy appeals to Durant, who said he would like to be a "Kobe [Bryant], Tim Duncan, Dirk Nowitzki type. To do that, that's awesome. But you never know what the future holds sometimes and how teams may feel about you after a while, but I love it here and I would love to get my jersey retired here."

You can watch the whole video below:

Honestly, it's hard to read those words and come away thinking Washington has any shot at bringing Kevin Durant to the Wizards. But then we remembered that Kevin Durant has a way of adding hidden subtext to what he says about his future plans. Thankfully, we have a special Durant Translator for times like this. We've used it to translate Twitter Q&A's, press conferences as well as in-depth interviews and we're pulling it out again to get to the bottom of what Kevin Durant is REALLY trying to say here.

So let's take a look again at Durant's quotes and add in the rest of the quote, via the Durant Translator. The parts from the Durant Translator will be in bold.

"I hear it all the time because I continue to answer these questions, even though I'm well aware it ramps up speculative articles and blog posts about my future, don't get me wrong, and once you hear it you're kind of like yeah, playing near home would be really nice and convenient since I spend all my free time here anyways," Durant said, looking up and thinking about how hard it will be to move his stuff from Oklahoma City to Washington D.C. without causing a stir. "But for me, I love staying in the moment, and I'm one of those guys that would love to stick it out with one team my whole career, but unfortunately that dream ended when the Sonics moved to Oklahoma City. Don't sit here and tell me it's still the same franchise. It's not. Call me when Seattle gets a F5 tornado. The experience taught me that the only people who stay loyal are the ones you grow up with, so why not go back to people you trust? I mean, it only makes sense. What goes around comes around." "Yeah, there's probably some perks that come with being a one team guy like a Kobe [Bryant], Tim Duncan, Dirk Nowitzki type. To do that, that's awesome, but so is leaving a town high and dry that's given you nothing but love and respect. No one would say I'm too nice after THAT heel turn. But you never know what the future holds sometimes and how teams may feel about you after a while, instead of being grateful for blessing their city with the time I gave them, they'll probably just spew some garbage like "Oh, it was always Russell Westbrook's team" when I leave or something stupid like that when I blindside them, but I loved it here and I would love to get my jersey retired here after all the garbage I've put up with the last seven years. It's the least they can do."

So there you have it. We didn't realize Kevin Durant could get so angry, but here we are. Clearly, everything's just fine.