John Finch’s Personal Experience With Fatherhood

John grew up without a father. At 11 years old his father committed suicide. It was a tragic moment and he remembers, “Wow, my life is never going to be the same.” He then continued on his journey without a dad to walk with him showing and telling him what it meant to be a real man, a Godly man and what that entails. His views on marriage, family, success, money, and power were driven for 30 years by Hollywood generated views and their perceived “strong man” personas. Then he came to a crossroads moment.

In 2010, John had reached a pinnacle of Hollywood-defined success. He had just left a Gentlemen’s Club where he had spent like $5,000 of his company’s money on a client. His chest was higher and he felt, “Man. I made it.” “I am successful.” “I am a man.” In reflecting on that moment, John realizes how distorted his view had become of what it meant to be a “real man”. Moreover, in the time that followed that moment, God got a hold of John’s heart.

Many Dads Do Not Know How to Be Dads

God revealed to John that there are literally millions of men who do not know how to be a father. John has three daughters and knows the impact of being a Dad is not just on our sons.

Every day is a new opportunity to be a great dad.

Every girl needs a dad’s positive affection. Girls should feel cherished, valued, and loved by their dad to know themselves as a person. The resulting lack of this influence to a girl’s life may have them searching for that affection elsewhere. The need for that validation as a person is sought out and may be found skew the girl’s reality of a real man. Whether it is in the “bad boy” or the first boy or man who pays attention to them. It also helps girls see the qualities of a real man.

Sons are being raised without a Dad, even when the Dad physically is there, mentally Dad’s get wrapped up in things, trying to be the “strong man.” Alcohol, drugs, and pornography isolate dads from their real potential. Being caught up in work and details of living as the “strong man” removes the dad presence in a home and puts up barriers to their family. It is caught up also in mentality permeating the African-American community where a general measure of being a father is captured in a thought of, “How many kids can I have with how many baby-mommas?”

These concepts of isolation and thinking there are no commitment or consequences of dads get wrapped in a Hollywood bow of being a “real man” or having a puffed up chest and a lot of Man Pride.

Being Transparent With Your Children

Every day is a new opportunity to be a great dad. Real men – realize as a dad, you are not alone. There are a lot of tools available today; books, podcasts, social media, and other programs. The main element of The Father Effect is to encourage, educate, and equip men to be good fathers. The journey of a father is not a moment or a defining space in time. It is a commitment to your children and family. It is a whole-life journey. Yes, you will not always be the peak of success as a dad. Just do not go alone on this journey, remember to bring your family along.

Tell your children about some of the moments when you had pride and felt you were a success. Balance that with the reality of your living day to day. How you managed a situation and the result.

Share about your Dad. Fathering is a generational curse, as much as a generational challenge. If you drink alcohol, did your dad? If you are streaming pornography, did your dad? Moreover, if drugs are a problem, were they for your dad or granddad? As much as being a hard worker or conscious of keeping bills paid, being a dad is a generational link to our past, that our children carry, whether we teach it or not, to the future. Share and encourage your sons and daughters with your dad knowledge. Share what you know today and keep that program updated through sharing with them and especially other men, a Band of Brothers. In many counselors, there is wisdom.

Fathers are Not Alone

The Father Effect ministered to me as a dad this weekend through John’s sincere interview and urgent message to fathers. Realize and embrace your value as a father.

In listening to John’s story and The Father Effect I was made aware that I am not alone with my challenges as a dad in our high tech journey at lightning speed through life. I paused as the words ministered to me. It brought me back to when I was a teenage dad. It brought me all the way to today, 40 years along in my journey, retired from 29 years of military service.

Along this journey, my daughter has three children, my son and his nephew are now 21. My dad journey includes when my Mom died of cancer. My Dad had just retired from 21 years of service in the Army and was now raising two sons, 9 and 11, with his wife of just over 20 years. Then we have my older siblings. My older sister was finishing high school, my older brother was in Viet Nam, my sister and her family were living in another city

Heal your father-wound; reach out to John. Connect with John at The Father Effect on Facebook, Twitter, and connect with him on the web. The next step along your journey as a dad is to watch the movie, read the book, and connect with your Band of Brothers and journey toward being the dad that God created you to be.