It’s somewhat comical that R.O.B. was produced by Nintendo as a means to fight against the “video game crash of ’83” and assure retailers that video gaming was still very much alive, when this thing looks like the biggest knee-jerk panic attack decision that could be made. R.O.B. worked by receiving optical flashes from the TV that would correspond to his LED eyes. R.O.B. was then capable of completing six commands, which would correspond to the game.

There some attempts to update R.O.B. so he could function with the SNES, or at least have a wider support system would have been crucial but didn’t even seem to be what Nintendo was interested in doing with the thing.

Arguably, this was all clunky at best (imagine if a Furby or something was added as an Xbox peripheral), expensive, and with limited software support, but at the least, it left you with a robot in your room to play with, which is more than what some useless fishing controller would leave you with.

VIRTUAL BOY

The little system that could!

Or at least could for thirty minutes before you needed to put it away before those spider eggs in your skull hatched.

Seeming even sillier now that Nintendo has produced the beyond viable 3DS, the Virtual Boy was the company’s much, much earlier attempt at the technology. The problem here was that the clunky headset of a system would actually begin to make you feel nauseous or dizzy after extended use, which is kind of a serious issue. It also didn’t help that the system sold for $180 (the 3DS quickly retailed for $170 after its release).

In spite of there actually being some worthwhile titles on the system like Virtual Boy Wario Land and Teleroboxer, and the 3D effects occasionally impressing and doing their job, the console was on the market for less than a year before Nintendo silently killed it.

They didn’t even issue a press release on the matter, they wanted it to be over with so badly. By the end, only 22 games were released, only 14 making it to North America, and if you’re getting headaches to work through only a dozen some odd games, this thing likely should have stayed as a prototype.

NINTENDO 64DD

Much in the same vein as the Sega CD, or other lock-on peripherals, the 64DD was a disk drive that connected to the bottom of the console. These disks would act as expansions for games, allowing you to edit and create, and have a network at your disposal, while also releasing games upon itself, boasting an impressive launch line-up of SimCity 64, Mario Artist, Pocket Monsters, and Mother 3, the majority of these of course didn’t happen.

In actuality, under ten games were released for the add-on, but there was a large list of nearly fifty titles that were scrapped, due to the unexpected failure of the idea. The attachment was delayed three years on and off, and when it eventually was released in Japan, it was seen as a commercial failure to the point that it wasn’t even attempted to be released over here.

The bulk of the games ended up being re-designed for the Gamecube. The lesson here being that this idea, which had been in place before the N64 even came out, should have been around from the launch, rather than coming out in the system’s nadir before it truly had a chance, and was only appealing to a niche crowd.

NAMCO NEGCON

One of the absolute weirder controllers that was out there for the PlayStation. The NeGcon (pronounced “neh-gee-con,” obviously) was meant to be used with racing games, and while a clunky steering wheel controller might seem weird to some people, the approach in place here was that there was a swivel joint in the middle of the controller, and you’d twist the respective halves of the thing, like you’re wringing out a towel almost, to control the acceleration and brake of your vehicle.

The controller actually worked pretty decently and was even available for the low price of five dollars, but the design was too weird for most and didn’t prove to be popular or viable enough to continue on past its generation.

PALMTOP CONTROLLER

Okay, don’t you love those dance rhythm games like Dance Dance Revolution? Aren’t they a great way to work out your body and blast through a video game at the same time? But isn’t the worst thing about those dancing games is that we, as humans, dance with our feet? Wouldn’t the world just be perfect if we danced with our fingers, and could let our tired legs rest at last?

Well, the Palmtop Controller answered these prayers and then some. Here, you could work through your favorite rhythm games, with the pleasure of your fingers, an entirely unnecessary endeavor that kind of defeats the purpose of these games entirely.

Unsurprisingly, you likely haven’t seen these things being used in wide support.

ROLL ‘N ROCKER

If you were ever one of those kids that wished that their Nintendo was more like a skateboard, or that skateboarding was more like a video game, then you might have been one of the few lonely souls who happened to pick up the Roll ‘n Rocker for the NES. The skateboard-like peripheral involved the player standing on the device, controlling the D-Pad with their feet and by tilting their weight distribution, as they tried to successfully make magic happen and work the game properly.

If you can picture an even clunkier, more problematic version of Nintendo’s Power Glove, you can maybe begin to fathom what this controller was like. But at least with the Power Glove no one was falling to the ground, getting hurt.

AURA INTERACTOR

A preliminary attempt at rumble pak technology back in the Genesis and SNES days, except only instead of the rumbling coming out of your controller, the aura interactor was a vest that you would wear (and eventually a cushion that would go against the back of your seat too).

The system had a tiny speaker inside of it that would provide the “feedback” and vibrations that made you “feel” the game, as punches and kicks took place. The vest was expectedly faulty, and with it and the cushion both retailing for $99 each, most people were skeptical to jump on the bandwagon.

With that money, you could buy a handful of new games, and bounce your hands and controllers around just fine. Push the speaker up to the back of your chair if you’re that desperate; it might even work better.

PLAYSTATION/NINTENDO 64 CONTROLLER GLOVES

Surprisingly even rarer than the NES Power Glove, but about equally as troublesome, Reality Quest made a series of controller gloves for the Nintendo 64 and PlayStation (as well as the PC).

The mechanism worked by steering or controlling your character with the movement of your wrist, and your fingers working the keys. This design honestly wasn’t the worst and allowed you to play your games one-handed, but it felt, just like it looked, like an unnecessary idea being crammed in where it didn’t need to be; a novelty cash grab to offer something new to those who didn’t know better.

While it was possible to work a game with this peripheral, it never gave a more preferable experience or simplified the game any.

At tournaments, you don’t see people busting out the controller glove for Super Smash Bros. or Silent Hill, though. And with the device being as hard to find as it is, it seems like the world is slowly eliminating its existence all on its own.

NYKO HIP CLIP

It’s hard to believe that this piece of garbage came out in the 2000s, and not the gullible time of the ‘80s or ‘90s. What you see here is what you get: a holster for your GameBoy Color, that couldn’t be a more uncool way to carry around your gaming device. Not to mention that the GameBoy Color was already at a certain sleekness that it could fit in most pockets as it was. It didn’t need this attachment at all, and even if you thought you did require it, it surely wouldn’t have stayed on you long after the constant stone throwings and insult assaults you’d be open to.

NES LOCKOUT

Now here’s a peripheral that actually prevents you from playing your video games, the NES Lockout is one for the parents, everyone! This was a self-setting combination lock that would clip onto the front of your Nintendo, and act as a vise, holding the system together, preventing gameplay.

While something like this does serve a purpose and the idea of children overindulging on video games can be a serious problem in some cases, this product just felt like a lazy cash-in.

The lock wasn’t that strong, and was simple enough, that if parents really wanted to keep their kids from playing games, it would have been a safer idea to just hide their games, rather than having the tempting locked box right in front of them.

RECENT SYSTEMS AND PERIPHERALS

GAMECUBE BROADBAND ADAPTER/MODEM ADAPTER

Where to begin with the Phantasy Star Online Episode 1 & 2 Online Adapter, an addition which—I’m sorry. I forgot that’s not what the product’s called, but it may as well be because the Gamecube’s modem is essentially only used on the aforementioned Sega title. That’s it.

Online functionality was added to a system purely to facilitate the use of one game. If that doesn’t qualify as unnecessary, I’m not sure what does.

Granted, the adapter allowed LAN play with a few other titles that you could count on your hand, and the product was actually reverse engineered and the first few pirated dumps of Gamecube titles happened as a result.

It’s just depressing that in a generation where the Xbox and even the PS2 had robust online gaming communities, this is all that Nintendo could muster.

NINTENDO E-READER

The Nintendo e-Reader was a failed device for the GameBoy Advance that used an LED scanner to read cards (that were called e-Reader cards; hey, branding!) with encoded data printed on them. Swiping these cards–I mean, e-Reader cards–would unlock content in a corresponding game, whether it be a mini-game, new levels, hidden items, or in some of the most appealing cases, full NES games.

This in itself is a somewhat novel idea and more or less a pre-cursor to downloadable content that followed down the road, but the problem here was that the majority of people didn’t want to hunt down separate items like cards, if they’ve already bought the game, especially when these cards are only applicable for a limited amount of titles (with Super Mario, Pokemon, and Animal Crossing unsurprisingly making the most use out of the add-on). Some of these e-Reader cards were even acquired at certain events, or only available at certain locations, that this became far too much effort for a scarcely implemented feature.

In spite of the peripheral seeing success in Japan, it was almost immediately discontinued in North America after people collectively sighed in its direction.

PLAYSTATION 2 HORIZONTAL STAND

While surely the least functional of the peripherals and systems on this list, this item fits the bill for being unnecessary in very simple terms: it’s an entirely superfluous addition that truly offers nothing to the console; it’s deceiving you if anything. Like most modern consoles, they are built with the ability to either stand vertically or horizontally.

The PS2, for instance, while shipping as a “horizontal system,” in time released a vertical stand; a mostly unnecessary product, but one that allowed you to stand your system up, providing it air and alleviating the motor, albeit still being something you could largely do on your own without the use of purchased plastic.

If that wasn’t enough, Sony eventually released a horizontal stand so you’d have no trouble making sure that your console could rest on the ground without exception. It’s doing nothing here. It’s literally a ground surrogate. But I suppose you could consult the product’s original description, which claims that the stand also provides your system with a “visually stunning result” and “keeps it secure” in case it was going to run away or something, so perhaps I can’t see the forest through the trees here…

STEEL BATTALION CONTROLLER

And sometimes “unnecessary” doesn’t qualify as something that’s so needless that it doesn’t even need to exist. Sometimes “unnecessary” can be something that’s so, so realistic, and complicated, it’s doing no one any good use at all.

Take for instance the Steel Battalion controller, a $200, highly obtrusive, forty-button control station. The idea here is that you were getting unrivaled mech simulation for the first time ever, but is this something that we truly need? Do we need to spend $200 on a “controller” that’s more than twice the price of the only game it works with?

That answer is…maybe?

PLAYSTATION 2 EYETOY

The EyeToy was a digital camera device for the PS2, not unlike a webcam, that was used by players to interact with games using motion, gestures, and sound (it also had a microphone). Obviously, this sort of thing was a precursor towards later efforts like Kinect and Move, and this is certainly more refined than say the Sega Activator, but it still ended up feeling like an extraneous product that wasn’t needed.

There were only a few dozen titles for the device, most of them recycling the same idea over and over again, and technical limitations on the camera (such as since the camera had to be able to “see” you, the games needed to be played in a well-lit room) held it back from being a mainstay peripheral on the popular system.

RESIDENT EVIL 4 CHAINSAW CONTROLLER

Available for both the Gamecube and the PS2 so that you can assault your gaming senses across different platforms, the chainsaw controller might be one of the most clearly ill-designed products that had no business existing.

Retailing for an overblown $50.00, the peripheral was clearly meant for the die-hard Resident Evil fans and ignorers of great controls.

Look, I can see what’s going on here. I know it’s suppose to be cool and make you feel like you’re the spooky chainsaw-wielding Ganado from the game, and the design behind the chainsaw is really quite “pretty” in fact. It’s even built in a way that you’d hold it like you would an actual chainsaw. Isn’t that cool? Isn’t that more important than it handling like a functional game controller? The button placement is flawed, where it’s downright impossible to have access to all the controls without changing your grip, and some of the joysticks are even inverted in a weird, confusing decision.

The PS2 version manages to be even gaudier with a big hunk of debris connected to the thing, because if this there’s one thing you want for a game that’s reflex-heavy, it’s extraneous stuff tied to your controller.

KATANA: THE SOUL CONTROLLER

Almost making the Resident Evil 4 Chainsaw Controller look like a practical, restrained gaming device, this peripheral attempted to cram a PlayStation 2’s button set on the skinny side of a sword.

The device was released in conjunction with Onimusha 3, expecting to storm the shelves, but it barely made an impact on anyone.

The big selling point, besides the fact that the thing looks like a fricking sword, is that swiping the thing acts as your go-to attack button. There are some rudimentary motion controls in place here so it can feel like you’re actually hacking and slashing people to death, while you try and navigate your way around the otherwise cluttered control scheme.

It’s also worth mentioning that the controller retailed for over $150, but isn’t somewhat realistic sword swinging worth that?

TRANCE VIBRATOR

The trance vibrator was produced primarily for the trance-y rhythm game, Rez, however, the device was tragically not produced for the Dreamcast, but only for the PlayStation 2’s release of the game.

The peripheral was meant to work by pulsing in conjunction with the bass-heavy music that the title features, producing a vibration of more power than the Dual Shock.

The device claimed that it was supposed to be used in your pocket to pick up the rhythms, but the very fact that the product has “vibrator” in its name and comes with a hygienic sleeve pretty much confirms otherwise.

The vibrator also worked with Sega’s Space Channel 5: Part 2, but two titles is hardly a library.

ASCII KEYBOARD CONTROLLER

I really don’t even need to say anything here, do I?

This disaster was to be used with Phantasy Star Online: Episode 1 & 2, a title that’s popped up a number of times here, appearing to be more trouble than its worth.

Yes, this thing will let you use a full ASCII keyboard while you play your game on the Gamecube, but it’s virtually impossible to be comfortable with this thing, as your hands try and balance the monstrosity.

There’s a reason that keyboards and controllers are two separate things, and trying to meld the two here only illustrated this point more strongly.

TONY HAWK: RIDE SKATEBOARD

As you can probably imagine, this device was used with Tony Hawk: Ride, using infrared sensors to detect your movements on the board, replicating it in the game. The problem was, as this title and skateboarding games, in general, began to move in their twilight, a buggy board with quite the high price tag wasn’t winning anyone over.

The amount of precision with the peripheral was hard to master, and it hardly seemed worth deviating from the standard, already slick control scheme. Feeling more like a relic from a previous generation when gameplay was less than it was now, the device failed to impress most gamers.

WII BOWLING BALL

Remember that first time you tried out bowling in your copy of Wii Sports? You gracefully pulled your arm back, moved it forward, and a bowling ball seemingly stemmed from your arm, just like you were in an alley. A process as smooth as this was refined enough from the start that adding an extraneous bowling ball to everything was the last thing that was needed.

If anything, this addition shatters the illusion to an extent; getting in your way and forcing reality into your experience when you just want your mind off of all of this.

Furthermore, wedging your Wiimote into the plastic bowling ball lost you precision if anything. If you just stuck with the standard Wiimote, you’d be saving money and bowling a better game.

WII INFLATABLE KART

And if an unnecessary bowling ball you’re putting your controller into for the Wii is a waste of time and money, then this is really going above and beyond in the “why?” category.

It’s a blow-up go-kart that you sit in while you play Mario Kart Wii. Because we’re apparently at a point where if we’re not holding a mock steering wheel and sitting in a mock vehicle, it’s impossible for our brains to reconcile that we’re playing a racing game.

WII CAR ADAPTER

Trying to fit systems and a pleasurable setup for them in a vehicle is usually a losing battle, but trying to do it with a motion-controlled system is just bonkers. Waggling your arms in a cramped, moving vehicle is a very backward idea, to the point that you wonder how this even got greenlit.

So there you have it, and after examining all of these surprising, pointless endeavors that our favorite companies spent a lot of money on in some cases, it kind of makes you more grateful for some of the truly innovative, stellar peripherals and systems that have come around.