Tequila makes me violent and vodka sneaks up on me like an evil assassin of drunkenness. Gin, on the other hand, turns me mean. We are convinced that different drinks produce different effects yet, so far, science has failed to prove this.

"A lot of this is folk memories and cultural hangovers," says Dr Paul Clayton, pharmacologist and president of the forum on food and health at the Royal Society of Medicine. "A lot of it depends on what mood you were in when you started drinking and the social context. The idea that gin makes you unhappy probably comes from its nickname "mother's ruin" - the idea that it makes women depressed, which is a cultural idea. But fundamentally, alcohol is alcohol whichever way you slice it."

Can the effects just be psychological? "I associate gin and tonic with a real pick-me-up, end-of-the-day reward drink," says Victoria Moore, the Guardian's wine writer. "Because it's not wine, it's not 'work' and I don't feel obliged to write notes, and so it never fails to make me feel buoyant and great. Personally, I find whisky the weirdest thing - it makes me feel solemn, lucid and sober. Even when I'm clearly not."

"The effects of alcohol are similar, whichever form they come in," says Dr Guy Ratcliffe, medical director of the Medical Council on Alcohol. "Any difference is dependent on the rate at which it is drunk and the amount. Alcohol is a simple molecule that is rapidly absorbed into the bloodstream. So if you drink a few shorts - spirits are generally 40% ABV [alcohol by volume] - quickly, you'll get a rapid increase in your blood alcohol level." Wine is usually enjoyed leisurely with meals. Tequila slammers, however, are usually done after a heavy drinking session.

Similarly, says Moore, "I strongly refute the idea that port gives you worse hangovers. Think about it: when do you drink port except after a four-course meal and about 10 bottles of wine? And then everyone blames the last drink."

Champagne gets me stumbling around quickly but this is likely to be because I only ever drink it at parties without eating properly. "And, says Dr Ratcliffe, "there is some evidence that because of the bubbles you can actually inhale the 'fumes' as you sip." It is also believed to be absorbed more quickly because it is carbonated.

Mixers make a difference too. All alcohol is a depressant and a sedative but drinking vodka with Red Bull or Coca-Cola (loaded with sugar and caffeine) will obviously have a different effect than drinking it neat. "Alcohol is a disinhibitor, it switches off the nerves in the frontal cortex - which tells us not to be an idiot or try to chat up the boss's wife at the Christmas party," says Dr Clayton. "It's activating, arousing, energising. Drinking alcohol with caffeine will be more of a stimulant. Until the alcohol knocks you sideways."

Guinness, on the other hand, is supposed to be good for you - a 1920s ad campaign said so. English hospitals fed it to patients after operations and blood donors were encouraged to drink it because it was thought to be high in iron. Even pregnant women and breastfeeding mothers were advised to drink it - advice that has since been withdrawn. In fact it only contains around 1.1mg of iron per pint (the recommended daily allowance for women is 14mg). One study, however, at Wisconsin University, found that Guinness contains antioxidants which help prevent blood clotting, so a pint a day - at mealtimes - may be as effective as aspirin at lowering the risk of heart attacks.

The "Tequila worm" is said to have aphrodisiac and hallucinogenic qualities and has been added to some bottles of mescal (tequila is a type of mescal) as a marketing gimmick since the 1950s ... It is a mariposa worm, which feeds on the agave plant, which is what tequila is made from. Although it can soak up a little of the alcohol, it has no noticeable effect on people. It seems that the myth that eating the worm induces a druggy trip comes from confusing mescal with mescaline, a hallucinogenic drug.

Absinth has also enjoyed a dangerous and hallucinogenic reputation. It contains thujone, a toxic chemical once thought to share qualities with THC, the psychoactive element in cannabis, although this has now been discredited. In any case the amount is too minimal in absinth to have any noticeable effect. Absinth is, however, 70% alcohol and will make you dangerously drunk.Whether it makes you mean, or happy, or clever, or violent, well there's no saying.

Five ways to beat a hangover

According to a systematic review published in the British Medical Journal last year, no compelling evidence exists to suggest that any conventional or complementary intervention is effective for preventing or treating hangovers. The worst symptoms are caused by the liver breaking down the products of alcohol. Alcohol is also a diuretic so speeds up water loss from your body causing dehydration (hence the dry mouth, headache, dizziness). It also irritates the stomach lining (causing nausea and stomach cramps).

1 Line your stomach: alcohol is absorbed more rapidly into the blood stream and will irritate the stomach lining more if your stomach is empty. Before going out, eat a meal containing fat, which is digested slowly and therefore protects your stomach, slowing the rate at which alcohol enters your body. A glass of milk has a similar effect.

2 Choose light-coloured drinks: congeners, found primarily in darker alcoholic drinks, may affect blood vessels directly, producing migraine-like effects (spasm and/or dilation of blood vessels) and intensifying a hangover. As a rule, the lighter the colour, the fewer congeners it is likely to contain (ie, vodka is better than whisky). Drinking one glass of water for every glass of alcohol will counter the dehydration.

3 Wrap up warmly: Alcohol dilates the blood vessels near the skin, causing us to lose body heat, but feel warmer - drunkenness followed by hypothermia is a leading cause of death in Russia.

3 Before bed: Along with drinking plenty of water, a slow-burning snack such as granary toast will help avoid low-blood-sugar on waking.

4 The morning after: Water! And take antacid for your stomach and paracetamol for your head (aspirin is too harsh on your stomach). A single cup of coffee may help as caffeine is a vasoconstrictor, so eases the dilated blood vessels, but go easy as it is also diuretic. Liquids rich in minerals and salts (eg, broth or bouillon), or sports drinks can help to rehydrate you. According to Prof Sir Colin Berry, professor emeritus of pathology at Queen Mary, University of London, that old favourite, vitamin C, will do nothing for your symptoms, while "hair of the dog" merely postpones the agony. And as for alternative remedies, the BMJ review found that commonly used dietary supplements (borage, artichoke and prickly pear) have zero effect.

Lucy Atkins