I married very young and had two children by the time I was 24. Twenty years later, when they were grown up, my husband divorced me. I had some brief relationships, but it took a while to regain my confidence. Then I met Graeme.

He was handsome, warm and single – but as our relationship progressed he revealed he could never see himself as monogamous. Heartbroken, I ended things. But before long, I found that I missed him terribly and began to question my decision.

I asked if we could meet, and he explained how non-monogamy worked for him: that he liked variety, and felt a sex life involving more than one woman was healthy, but that it didn’t preclude him having a primary partner.

We kept meeting, and inevitably had sex. Despite initially hoping that he would change his mind about sex with other people, his honesty and discretion began to win me around, and we moved in together.

It wasn’t always easy, and at times I struggled to get used to our arrangement. But having my own extremely satisfying dalliances led me to conclude that if Graeme can accept that I will always come back to him, I should do the same.

We are now married, but continue to sleep with other people, occasionally together. Once I would have called a woman doing what I do a slut, but now I feel fulfilled and liberated. There has certainly never been a time when our sex life has got into a rut.

• Each week, a reader tells us about their sex life. Want to share yours? Email sex@theguardian.com

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