Recently Tottenham Hotspur released their new jersey for the 2015/16 season. Notably, it has a sash on it, which has set many supporters on edge. They are mad that the club has adopted a design element that has never been a part of Spurs shirts. Perhaps more offensive to these fans is the marketing of this new design as a "heritage sash." Some are assuming Daniel Levy is cynically manufacturing tenuous ties to our club's history with some new marketing scheme, but they're not paying close enough attention. What heritage is he actually honoring with our new kits? Let's look deeper.

The heritage sash is "inspired by the stripes on the THFC plaque which adorns White Hart Lane." And this is true. If you look at the plaque you can see stripes in the same manner as the ones that appear on the sash.

Most are assuming this is a tenuous connection. They are actually looking in the wrong place. The connection is not with the history of Tottenham Hotspur. It is with the malevolent oligarchs who control our past and present. Look closer.

A pattern begins to emerge.

Now the true masters of Daniel Levy and Joe Lewis stand exposed for the entire world to see. The Illuminati and the Freemasons have been running Tottenham Hotspur in secret for years. Despite being probably exempt from FIFA Financial Fair Play regulations, they keep us below the glass ceiling of fifth place in the Premier League, forced to toil in the Europa League as a cog in their scheme for world dominance.

In their hubris they've revealed themselves for the entire world to see, but they have also shown us their true agenda. Look at the cockerel. It is facing east, towards Austria, where the Illuminati were founded AND where the tactics of modern football were developed in coffee houses. Tactics which rely on triangles. Austria is also the former seat of the Holy Roman Emperor, who was crowned by the Pope in Rome.

Now we all know that Romans hate Spurs from our travels in the Europa League, but we also know that the Pope is controlled by the lizard people living under the Vatican in a spaceship that has been there since it crash landed and killed the dinosaurs. It is common knowledge that the Gornthrop, King of the Lizard People, is draped in the ceremonial garb of their leader: the Shroud of Turin. And if you remove the T from Turin you get Urin, which is what Daniel Levy is pissing all over our traditions in service of his Illuminati lizard person masters.

And how is he doing that?

As you can see in the crest, the Freemason influence is obvious. It is simple to draw the conclusion that their ultimate goal is to Free Ryan Mason, but it is so much deeper than that. Ryan Mason is merely a servant of his lizard person overlords like Daniel Levy, using the clubs and our tradition of "attacking football" for their own means.

Mason has frequently come under criticism at Spurs for his aimless running and poor positioning. But what if he's not aimless? What if his movements are highly precise? What if he's been doing this on purpose the entire time? Look at Ryan Mason's heat map against Hull City.

Now look at it when you overlay with his heat map against Arsenal.

Now look at what happens when you look at every one of his heat maps from the season at the same time.

It is well known that Alan Pardew is the manager of Crystal Palace FC. However, this will not last for long as Ryan Mason's heat map sigil magic draws him closer and closer to White Hart Lane. As indeed, it has already done, bringing him from Newcastle to London. Eventually, he will become manager of Tottenham Hotspur, giving our reptilian cat's paws the chance to question him about the Crystal Palace.

Because the Crystal Palace is not simply a football club in London. And it is not just the glass box known as the Europa League that our overlords have placed around us and our Roman jailers. According to the Infancy Gospel of Thomas, as reported by Hippolytus of Rome and preserved in a secret Syriac manuscript hidden deep in the British Museum, the Crystal Palace is clearly where the descendants of Jesus and Mary Magdalene buried the Templar gold which was bequeathed to them by the first Earl of Northumberland, Henry Percy. And an anagram of Henry Percy is "Cry Hen Pyre." This is clearly an allusion to the dreams of Spurs fans going up in smoke once the Illuminati have their treasure and abandon Spurs to the Conference so that they can rule over us all from their lofty, West ham supporting throne in Stratford.

And to think we would have known none of this if they hadn't needlessly included their symbology in this year's jerseys. Unless it's already too late. Too late for Tottenham Hotspur Lizard Club. Too late for all true supporters. Too late for anyone against modern reptilian football and its poisonous obsession with Templar gold.