Today’s adtrocity collection is another set of “I don’t need a diet” mental gymnastics. While staggeringly impressive in their complete avoidance of reality, these ads do nothing to burn the calories you will gain following their advice.

Als0, no– mental gymnastics do not count as a workout. Sorry, folks.

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I did some research. This is a picture of a guy who bought 43 McDonalds sandwiches to create a “McEverything.”

Obviously, there are some deluxe sandwiches in there, but for a conservative estimate of the calories, I calculated as if the McObesity was made up of regular hamburgers.

The calorie count for 43 regular McDonalds hamburgers is 11,180.

It would take nearly 20 hours of sustained running at 5 mph just to break even, let alone lose 28 lbs.

0/10. Do not attempt.

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Note to dieters: Do not consume human butts while trying to lose weight.

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Pictured above: what giving up on life looks like.

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And distasteful mustaches.

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Lay spread-eagled on the ground. Gravity will do the rest.

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Part 1