Actor Leonardo DiCaprio has declared war on Western industrial civilisation by funding and narrating a series of short eco documentaries urging us all to leave fossil fuels in the ground, cripple our economies with carbon taxes and embrace bird-frying, bat-chomping renewable technologies such as solar and wind.

The first film in the series on Carbon – co-written by liberal activist cum talk radio host Thom Hartmann – is riddled with basic errors, extremely dubious propaganda claims, and flagrant politicking on behalf of the more left-wing elements in the Obama administration. But DiCaprio may well have been unable to afford a fact-checker, owing to the fact that he was paid just $10 million for his last movie The Wolf of Wall Street – a catastrophic drop in the income he received for earlier movies, like Inception, for which he received nearly $60 million.

Here are some of the simple mistakes DiCaprio would have spotted, if only he had been able to scrape together the money for an entry-level production team.

“Ancient life on earth. Over millions of years plants and animals lived and died; that decomposed life sunk deep into the ground and as a result an ancient menace was created: fossil fuels.”

Er, about that phrase “ancient menace”, Leo. You’re talking about the intense stored energy that made the Industrial Revolution possible; that freed people from the backbreaking toil of agrarianism and enabled the division of labour and technological advances that led, inter alia, to the invention of cinema and the birth of your career. Without fossil fuels your sorry ass would be nothing, DiCaprio – and all your cutesy pop fans would still be slaving as dairy maids and gleaners, their faces ravaged by cowpox. So a little more respect and perspective, please.

“97 per cent of climate scientists agree that climate change is happening and caused by human activity.”

No they don’t. Which dork fed you that line? Joe Romm? Thom Hartmann? Whoever it was, get your lawyers on the case and sue the arse off him for having made you look such an ignorant pillock. Here is why the 97 per cent figure is not to be taken seriously.

“They drill, they extract making trillions of dollars.”

You talk about making large sums of money like it’s a bad thing, Leo. Can we assume from this that in future, you’ll be doing all your movies for the minimum wage to show your solidarity with the world’s poor, exploited and oppressed? Oh, and by the way, that graphic your people slipped in at this point showing “chemical waste” leaking into the water table as a result of fracking: this is just an urban myth promulgated by people like the Russians and the Middle Eastern oil despots to deny the US energy security.

“We need to keep this carbon in the ground.”

Yes, that’ll work. Cancel economic growth. Make energy unaffordable. Kill jobs. Everyone will love this and there won’t be any riots or revolutions or anything like that. Everyone will see it makes sense because the bloke who plays the guy who stood with Kate Winslet on the prow of the Titanic told them so in a whiny bitch voice in a crappy eco documentary.

“We no longer need the dead economy of the fossil fuel industry.”

No, that’s right. We need vibrant, renewable-energy-based economies, like the ones causing 50 per cent youth unemployment in Spain and Portugal; like the ones that is turning Germany – once the envy of the industrial world – into a Venezuelan-style fail.

“We can move our economy town by town, state by state, to renewable energy and a sustainable future.”

Ah. You’re talking about Local Agenda 21 – the route by which greenie-lefty activists infiltrate local governments and impose their anti-capitalist, anti-democratic, misanthropic new world order on innocent taxpayers whether they like it or not. You people have virtually ruined California; now you want to take the rest of the world down with you too. Well, it’s good to know where you stand Leo and we’ll be sure to bear it in mind next time we’re debating whether to go and see your latest movie or whether to opt for some pure quality like maybe Sharknado 2.