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Associated Press

Meaningful football is so, so close. You can almost smell the deep-fried bread and feel your warm couch groove that’s carefully sculpted over a 12-hour Sunday viewing period.

But first we’ll have to be satisfied with meaningless football, at least as far as the scoreboard is concerned.

The preseason is wonderful because football is back on your television, even if you're watching third- and fourth-string players who will soon be working at a Home Depot. It’s a time for wish-casting in the hot August sun, because none of your dreams have been crushed quite yet.

That is why the preseason is also a fine time for predictions.

Trying to forecast each team’s record is a good way to both embrace the inherent preseason hope and start to ease into the business of dream crushing. For example: Are you a Seattle Seahawks fan? Go ahead and buy those Super Bowl tickets now. Are you a San Francisco 49ers fan? Try to limit your long shower cries to once weekly.

I went through this exercise back in April when the league released its schedule. My predictions for each team's 2015 regular-season record from then are shown here, followed by the updated preseason version, which takes into account the draft and other offseason developments.

Two reminders before you dive in: I’ve never, ever whiffed on a prediction, so everything written here must be viewed as a concrete fact. I also hate every team equally.