Unconfirmed: Calvinist Laughs At Joke

HUNTINGTON, WV—Unconfirmed reports coming out of Christ Presbyterian Church seem to indicate that a local Calvinist man has become the first in the Reformed tradition to laugh at a joke.

The incident occurred during a Thursday night Bible study, where church members were broken into small groups, in deep discussion about various theological conundrums. According to eyewitnesses, the man, Ryan Quincy, was conversing with a friend about the five points of Calvinism, when he was shown a meme depicting John MacArthur which said, “HEY BABY, I WANT TO REARRANGE TULIP TO PUT ‘U’ AND ‘I’ TOGETHER.”

To onlookers’ horror, an expression slowly crept across Quincy’s face—an expression later said to be “something like a smile.” Within ten seconds, Quincy had allegedly begun “chuckling or barking” at the picture, prompting the Bible study leader to hurriedly usher him outside.

“We thought he was seizing up, or worse—doing something lighthearted, or jovial,” a deacon told reporters. “We hadn’t seen anything like it before, and we decided we’d better err on the side of caution.”

Other congregants claimed Quincy had simply hiccuped or coughed, and that the rumors that the Calvinist actually had a sense of humor are unfounded.

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