I am skipping watching the Emmy’s to spend my Sunday night with the show most likely sweep all categories at the Emmy’s, Keeping up with the Kardashians. I did see that Kendall is wearing a latex turtleneck and everytime I see this much latex, I feel physically uncomfortable at the idea of how sweaty she must be - like jumping in and out of a vat of oily beer cheese. This is my second recap today, feel free to visit my very late recap of episode #2.

This week’s episode starts at Kimora Lee Simon’s Korean spa where the Kardashian sisters get their “anus scrubbed”. I’ve had many scrubs at Korean Spas, they’re one of my favorite things in the world, you literally come out of there feeling as smooth as a baby seal. I would recommend this to Kendall tonight after she peels herself out of that latex turtleneck. I’m assuming they were trying to keep their modesty, but you get these scrubs totally naked, no tiny thong to cover up your business!

This season, Khloe is still dealing with the fallout from Tristan cheating with Jordyn Woods. At Kim’s house, over some printed out Pinterest board redesign of Chi’s room, Khloe tells Kim that she is going to therapy with Tristan to help with co-parenting. Kim thinks that her and Jordyn should have a chat, as Jordyn is (was) Kylie’s best friend. This is the definition of the idiom “you don’t shit where you eat”!

After being robbed at gunpoint in Paris and hearing of armed robberies in Hidden Hills, Kim has decided to step up her security. This means that when Kris Jenner waltzes into her backyard for a “daily visit” to get a “bottle of water”, she is now stopped by security. I feel like if I was one of the Kardashian/Jenner’s, I’d be like “MY FACE IS MY ID!” I can’t even imagine how expensive Kim’s security detail is, which is probably why she launched Skims and her new makeup collaboration within one week.

Last season I saw Khloe wrangle Kourtney’s kids as she slept during the entirety of a 15-hour flight to Bali, so I have an idea of Kourtney’s style of parenting. I’m not a parent and I am super lenient to my cats so I am in no position to have any say in this, but it is super uncomfortable to see her children hit her. Mason got in trouble at school for threatening to beat up a kid at school over a ball. This seems like typical kid stuff but Kourtney told him that he could go to a playdate afterwards and Scott disagreed. I wonder if it’s because the nanny quit and she had to do a cryo session with Khloe? I think it’s interesting that Kourtney is allowing for this to be filmed and open for public criticism because parenting can be a really touchy subject!

In an attempt to talk about the elephant in the room, Khloe decides to take a day trip to Napa with Kylie. In the plane, Khloe and Kylie talk about Stormi’s 40th birthday, and Kris starts to cry as she realizes that she won’t be alive to see it. This very real moment realization of our mortality and inevitable death really struck me and is still making me feel uncomfortable. Khloe lightened up the moment saying that she would be there with her face set in stone and dripping in Kris Jenner diamonds.

Keeping up with the somber mood, Kris said that she would like to be buried in a marble wine casket. This seems like a great idea to me, so she can be rolled into Stormi’s 40th birthday party and be there in spirit.

During a session of “EmSculpting”, Kourtney complains to Kim about her security. I’m curious as to what all of these lasers do, do they actually work? It’s not like I’ll ever have the money to find out.

Back in Napa, Khloe and Kylie have their heart to heart about Jordyn while Kris is off looking at churches or something. Kylie is chilled as a cucumber and says she is in a good place right now - I feel like nothing about this situation is resolved (as in, we’ll continue to hear about it this season) but they had to get this moment on camera to move on. After their talk, they jumped on some ATV’s and rode around a winery. This doesn’t sound safe, but there are no rules when you’re rich at a winery.

In celebration of Foodgod legally changing his name to Foodgod at the Kardashian’s favorite eating spot, Nobu, Kourtney shares with her family that her nanny quit after Penelope scratched her in the face. Corey, Kris’ boyfriend, said that if Penelope scratched him in the face he would “whoop” her ass. This not only sets off Scott, but also makes both Kim and Kris stress eat their cake. I feel like it’s still unclear, but it seems like Corey MEANT that if he was Penelope’s parent, he would spank her but he was not backing down from Scott questioning his comment. It seems to me like Corey is the type of person that is never wrong, and once again, after stress eating her slice of cake, Kris ends up in tears.

The next day, Foodgod is picking up Kim to get froyo, but first we see him complain about the security. There is so much complaining about Kim’s security in this episode, I wonder if something is about to happen? While on their way back from froyo, Kim receives a frantic call from Khloe that her security tackled Kris Jenner. She pulls up this CTV video which shows Kris, in a black Adidas tracksuit get tackled. Kim freaks out and runs to her mommy on a stretcher only to find out that she was being pranked. This is the kind of somber ass prank that would piss me off so much. Who knows if Kim was in on it, but that was just too much! Who does that?

The episode ends with some home footage of Kourtney and Corey talking about the incident at Nobu. Again, it’s unclear to me what he meant, but he reassured Kourtney that he wouldn’t hurt her children. Kourtney and Scott talk about their checklist chart and their parenting style to round off an episode where they seem like they let their children run wild. Until next week, XOXO my five faithful readers.