CHICAGO—Expressing revulsion while surveying the sudden deluge of brightness, local sales clerk Adam Grant told reporters Tuesday that his apartment was completely flooded with disgusting sunlight. “Ugh, it just started pouring in through the windows and now it’s everywhere,” said Grant, who recoiled as every square inch of his 800-square-foot studio apartment became covered in stomach-churning sunshine. “It’s so gross. And it keeps coming in. I don’t know what to do because it doesn’t look like this weather is going to let up anytime soon.” At press time, Grant was reportedly on the phone with his landlord asking how soon someone could come out and install new window blinds.

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