As I sit here as an adult with ADHD, pouring my heart out, I admit that even though everything that didn’t make sense in my life has now been made clear, I still doubt. I mean, looking back on my life since my former structure crumbled, it all seems so unreal.

The brain: A Wonderous & Confusing Thing.

On one hand, it felt unreal because I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. I mean, I was “normal,” there was nothing wrong with me. I was functional. This stuff doesn’t happen to me! I’m asking myself, “Why can’t you handle this crap?? You’ve always been able to keep things in check in the past. Well, for the most part… handle this, pronto!” On top of it all, I felt incredibly guilty for having those thoughts. I couldn’t stand that this type of arrogance was going through my head.

And then, on the other hand, I’m also thoroughly confused because I did all the right things… and still my life kept spiraling out of control. I acknowledged that something was wrong in that hallway on the way to my classroom. I forced myself to go speak with my doctor and get checked out. And I was taking medication and made other conscious efforts to be more intentional in my life. And yet, despite having command of my symptoms, I apparently still had no clue about this condition that tormented me.

Why couldn’t I get my life under control??

I tortured myself with that question until I came to a couple of conclusions:

I was in denial, and I was afraid of the mental health stigma.

The reality of it I was in denial because of the mental health stigma that’s been haunting society since the era of “insane asylums.” I fell prey to the fear that the movie industry and greater society has been perpetuating about those places. I was afraid of being labeled as “different” or as “crazy.” The more I think about it, that fear wasn’t a fear of being different; it was a fear of the unknown. Over time, I got over that fear by learning more and more about this diagnosis that was bestowed upon me and how I can move my life forward with it. I totally got it; I was good with it. Except I still struggled. The hardest part for me was growing the confidence to accept it and own it. For some reason, I was still letting society control my thoughts. I kept hearing the skeptical and ignorant voices echoing through my mind. Voices saying:

“ADHD isn’t real.”

“Just get over it…”

“That’s just a perception…”

“C’mon, get up and suck it up…”

“You’re just making things up…”

“Oh, I get like that sometimes, too.

“You’re so lazy!”

“It’s a childhood ailment that goes away as they get holder.”

“Adults know how to control their actions….”

All these statements have one thing in common and that is that they all represent a lack of understanding on what Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, aka ADHD, is. Some of them could very well come from a place of well-meaning, but that doesn’t make it any easier after hearing them for so long. Other statements just plain represent a lack of empathy. Whether based upon fear or pure callousness or honest lack of knowledge, ignorance takes on different forms. I guess I had to actually experience that part to fully get it. But anyway, folks, the bottom line is that there is there IS a stigma associated with being different. Associated with anything that doesn’t “fit the mould” of society and it’s nine-to-five business suit work culture and the ability to function within that box. This looming mental health stigma that continues to haunt society makes it difficult for those people that function outside of the box, or in a completely different box, to function they way they are able to. It makes those that are “different” uncomfortable with doing things their own way and can completely break them down. I mean kill themselves-type of break down. I found it interesting that of those people committed suicide, nearly half of them were diagnosed with some type of mental condition. Even more scary was realizing that about 90% of them experienced some sort of symptoms. I have no words for and am confused by why we continue to allow the stigma that mental health conditions prevent people from being productive members of society. It’s especially baffling since most people (1 in 5) actually suffer form some type of mental condition themselves, depression, anxiety, OCD, Down Syndrome, ADHD, etc.

I’m aware May has been dedicated as Mental Health Awareness Month, but we need to continue the conversation. These discussions should never be confined to just one month and the way I see societal interactions, as well as from my own experiences, it seems as if that’s what’s happening. Or, perhaps, people just don’t practice what they preach throughout the year. Either way, the issue of society making other people feel inferior is not the responsibility of JUST 1 person, JUST 1 group of people, or JUST 1 whole organization, it is the responsibility of everyone as a society. We are all made for to help each other out, not condemn each other. Again, I completely regret that it took me personally experiencing the condemnation to step up as a leader, but I’m here.

So, now, let’s continue this conversation.

From my own experience, misconceptions come purely out of a place of lack of knowing. There are is an especially large proportion of misconceptions around ADHD because it is an invisible condition. People of the world, I am here to remind you that just because you don’t see something wrong with a person, it doesn’t mean they are not battling a demon.

So, let’s dive in and learn about some misconceptions that ADHD-ers are frequently confronted with, as well as what you can do to support:

MISCONCEPTION #1: ADHD IS NOT REAL

Front of the brain is the frontal love and in charge of performances actions like those mention in the diagram. The back half of the brain is called the parietal lobe (orange) and in charge of processing sensory info/knowledge.

As I thoroughly pointed out here, we know that it is a real thing. Dr. Russell Barkley points out very clearly in his video presentation that there is a physical split between the front and back halves of the brains of an ADHD-er. When such a physical split occurs, it prevents any sort of communication from happening. In this case, the person’s “knowledge-base” is not able to communicate with their ability to “do.” In Dr. Barkley’s words, “our brains are divided into halves, the back half responsible for learning and knowing & the front half for doing.” This means a person’s attention to a task and knowledge has nothing to do with what’s going on.

Notice the all the extra “sparking wires” in the ADHD brain; they are represented by the think mass of pink in the diagram because the “messages” can’t get in.

Now, because the 2 halves of the brain aren’t able to communicate, the back part doesn’t know what to do. It’s not getting the chemical messengers, called neurotransmitters, that the front half wants to send. And if it doesn’t know what to do because it’s not even getting the message, then physical functioning in the person isn’t happening. In medical lingo, this basic ability to manage what needs to be done is what is referred to as executive-functioning. I’ve often described ADHD to my friends as so many thoughts racing around my head simultaneously that I don’t know what to do. It’s like a live wire that is sparking wildly on the ground; it has all this energy in it except instead of forming connection to the next light pole, it dances and sparks wildly like the thoughts dance around in my brain. But when the wire connects to it’s destination, that energy gets zips through the long lines of other wires and produces a mass quantity of work. And when that happens, watch out world– you’re in for a treat!.

That means, a person can have the highest IQ on the Earth, but if the communication between those parts of brain isn’t happening they can’t or have an extremely difficult time physically doing the thing.

SO HOW YOU CAN HELP?

Trust me on this one, as well-intentioned as you may be, hearing these things doesn’t help your friend or family member because they’re probably already frustrated & beating themselves up mentally. You might feel like you want to empathize with them, but the truth is your feelings of not wanting to do something are vastly different than an ADHD-ers physical ability to do things. It is a physical neurological impairment. So unless you are able to provide positive & immediate motivation (because we thrive on urgency), please refrain from making such comments as listed above. The odds are great that their already frustrated about disappointing you.

MISCONCEPTION #2: ADHD IS ONLY A CHILDHOOD DISORDER

A chronic neurological disorder can be difficult to manage for anyone, but perhaps especially on adults. Our #1 performance measure is to please.

Now that we know that ADHD is, in fact, a REAL thing, we need to understand next that it is not just a childhood disorder. Specifically, it’s even referred to as a “hyperactive boy disorder.” I hear this all the time, so let’s start off first by being real clear– age does not determine diagnosis! In fact, as reported from the National Alliance for Mental Illness (NAMI), “adults are sometimes misdiagnosed or undiagnosed because many physicians are not properly trained to identify the disorder in adults, according to Medical Daily: “About 25 percent of the time, when a child has ADHD, there’s a parent that has ADHD.”

I don’t know how ADHD got tagged as a childhood disorder, but I’m willing to wager gender stereotypes of old had something to do with it. Because you know us girls, ‘we’re shy and prim and proper and don’t get dirty.’ Well, this perception already presents a fallacy because little boys (and girls!) are naturally “hyperactive.” It’s just what they do. Humans are designed to explore, but most especially when we are younger because we are still learning about the world and how it operates. However, it is not something that is just relegated to childhood, let alone gender status.

Further, people should also know that you don’t just get it like you catch a cold. As mentioned above, genetics determines the likelihood of of a person carrying symptoms. Since it is genetic, that also dispels another myth that ‘children grow out of it.’ A person does not grow out of, however it the way it manifests can often change throughout their life. According to NAMI, “while hyperactivity usually diminishes, inattentiveness and impulsiveness will likely persist into adulthood. It’s a common misconception that ADHD is only a childhood condition and does not affect individuals after adolescence.”

SO HOW YOU CAN HELP?

Remember, ADHD is a physical neurological disorder– the two halves of the brain are physically split preventing communication back and forth. This makes it incurable. That said, it is very treatable. That means, like diabetes, ADHD is a chronic condition that has to be managed very carefully.

As a chronic performance disorder, ADHD-ers have no problem in with the whole knowing what to do part. It’s the actual doing that’s the problem. They want to get up and participate and please their friends and family, but they often physically just can’t. And they are also probably super frustrated with themselves already, so nagging and making snide comments doesn’t help. I recommend this video to try to find different strategies and finding ways to get the interest-based nervous system going. Here’s some more things that ADHD-ers have said they wished people would know about their condition.

MISCONCEPTION #3: YOU’RE AN ADULT, YOU CAN HANDLE YOURSELF

Oh, what to say, what to say. I’ve been told this one point blank on a couple of occasions. It might be the most irksome of all the myths about this performance-based disorder. Though, I have to pause a moment and laugh considering the irony behind that statement. I mean, how funny is it that the same profession that provides accommodations for students to help them manage their condition doesn’t provide similar accommodations for their own people who are diagnosed. Their own people whom are the ones that sacrifice their time, energy, and even personal life (all of which are what ADHD “attack”) to pursue their passion of working with kids and helping them to succeed in the future world.

I can only laugh at life’s ironies such as this one because otherwise I’d cry; it’s the defense mechanism that’s evolved from my RSD (rejection-sensitivity dysphoria, a comorbidity of ADHD).

The part that would really make me cry, though, is not neglect of accommodation, it’s the reality that teachers are often penalized in some shape or form for having an “invisible ailment.” Even despite the knowledge that it’s not made up, that it’s a chronic performance-based neurological disorder, and that it doesn’t discriminate against age OR gender, adults are still “supposed” to and are expected to be able to handle themselves.

ADHD is an invisible disorder because you can not tell from the outside whether or not neurotransmitters are sending their messages. These brains can not exchange messages with each other as pictured above.

Here’s the problem with that line of thinking:

First off, you don’t tell your nerve cells what to do, THEY TELL YOU what to do. It’s kinda how physiology works. And making things more complicated, communication between certain nerve cells in the ADHD brain is completely severed so the person ain’t doin’ nuthin; and Second, that mindset is the type that perpetuates the stigma of having “mental health issues” because it says that if you “look normal,” then you surely must be able to function in the same way that “the rest of us do.

Here’s why it’s a problem:

Thinking OUTSIDE of the neurotypical box.

Simply put, it puts people (children, adolescents, AND adults) in a box. It says, assuming the person acknowledges the physical reality of ADHD, “Yes, we acknowledge the fact that your nervous system works differently than the societal norm, nonetheless, we expect you to do the same job in the same exact box as those normatives.” If that sounds cruel & callous, it’s probably because it is. Not to mention just plain hypocritical, too. This leads us into the next couple of reasons why “you’re an adult, you should be able to manage yourself” is a problem mindset. In an educational climate that stresses the significance of and mandates for differentiated instruction, it is hypocritical. Any person, regardless of age, deserves appropriate compassion and accommodation to successfully accomplish their task. I believe that latest buzzword being thrown around for that right now is ‘equity.’ According to “ADDitude Magazine,” ADHD is covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) under the term ‘mental conditions.’ However, most employers list out those individual disorders (OCD is even listed) on their applications forms, but ADHD is not of those that employers list. Further, because they don’t list this particular disorder, the fear (which is given strength by the stigma of reliability and validity of the disorder) of discrimination perpetuates the problem. It’s even worse in girls and women because they’re (we’re) supposed be the “good ones who don’t cause trouble or make mistakes”; which happens frequently, but is silent, so it looks like she’s incompetent. Appearances are deceiving and ADHD-ers work way harder to ensure that remains true than you will every know. Another hypocrisy of “differentiated instruction for students, but not for faculty” has to do with another current major trend in education policy that is “fostering growth mindset.” As a trend that has grown into an expectation in schools, it should be natural for leaders to have compassion for anyone who struggles with any condition, even if it’s “invisible.” Alas, that is not the case as is evidenced by so many teachers afraid to tell their superiors. Schools at which teachers feel this way have, intentionally or not, created an uncomfortable work environment for their employees. And any place of employment that makes it impossible, due to perpetuated stigmas, for their employees to be open & honest about things that affect how they live and work, without retribution, should be held accountable. Different people manage their work in different ways, some struggle and “mess up” way more than others. Compassion and understanding is requirement, not a desire.

If something that we’re doing or not doing isn’t working for you, talk to us. If something is not working for us, help us figure out a different strategy. Be open & honest. Help them, don’t penalize them.

The adhd teacher reality:

I concede that there are some teachers who don’t care what anyone thinks (and that I wish I was one of them, but that RSD tho…). There are also some who just don’t think it’s pertinent information. And there are even some administrators that are understanding (speculation: who probably have the condition). However, the lack of compassion & understanding that is perceived from statements such “you’re an adult, get over it” has far more outreaching effects than is made aware. Many, many teachers are afraid to tell their superiors because they’re afraid of being penalized.

I can safely tell you discrimination is the reason why so many teachers are afraid to come forward and share something so personal that it affects how they live. It’s hard enough living with an invisible performance-based disorder that works against our desires, and knowing that there are people that see you as inferior, incapable, and incompetent just because you don’t work in a rigid box that they set up makes it unbearable. The understanding and the support and patience (lots and lots and lots of patience) that are required, are critical detrimental to helping ADHD teachers manage this thing that’s going on in their brains. ADHD is our brain diabetes & you are our insulin. In other words, you are a line item on your teacher’s IEP/504.

If you only are so gracious, these Brains at your school will flourish and you will reap all the amazing rewards and accolades that come with an interest-based nervous system.

SO HOW YOU CAN HELP?

Don’t judge a book by it’s cover, we are fully capable & often exceed expectations if planted in a nurturing environment.

Don’t assume you know what’s going on, ask. There’s probably a method to our madness.

Remember that appearances are deceiving.

Know that we make a lot of mistakes, please be patient.

Know that we aim to please, but shut down if we feel we’re not.

Know that we don’t think inside the box, we CREATE it!