stadiums, fireworks, then/now/whatever

BREAK THE WALL DOOOOOOOWN

JERICHO: hey KO why did you beat me up

KO: you really th-

JERICHO: quiet

KO: but I w-

JERICHO: QUIET NOW ANSWER ME

KO: so I can talk now

JERICHO: YES

KO: you were never my friend, I used you to win, I totally would have beaten Goldberg if you weren’t there, you're lucky I didn't beat you up worse

JERICHO: well the Universe is my friend so

UNIVERSE: yep

JERICHO: Imma fight you at Mania

KO: only if it's for the US belt

JERICHO: k now fight me

KO: k

suddenly JOE

JOE: Imma beat up Jericho too

suddenly SAMI

SAMI: I have a chair

JERICHO: can I have it for a sec

SAMI: k

JERICHO and SAMI clear the ring

COLE: hey Mick Foley put KO and Sami in a match now and Jericho and Joe in one later

UNIVERSE: sure why not

insert standard KO/SAMI match, KO wins this time

ARIES: hey look at my package

UNIVERSE: YES THANK YOU WE GET THE JOKE

GRAVES: yep it’s a nice package

UNIVERSE: oh good lord

suddenly purple ropes

UNIVERSE: member CM Punk

SWANN: rematch time, can you handle this

NEVILLE: yep

NEVILLE beats up SWANN

SWANN: have a top rope and some flippiness, now pin

NEVILLE: nah, top rope superplex

SWANN: k but imma roll

NEVILLE: well that’s fine, here’s a barricade

SWANN: how bout kicks and a really big flip

NEVILLE: my turn to roll, have a submission, now tap

SWANN taps

ARIES: hey Neville you still have the belt, how bout that

NEVILLE: I still have the belt and none of the cruisers can beat me

ARIES: k but I could beat you

NEVILLE: nah, go back to commentary

ARIES: I’d rather not

ARIES punches NEVILLE who runs away

ENZO & CASS: hey look a cuppa haters

CESARO: actually this is coffee, you two really suck

ENZO attempts humor

ENZO: also you lost to Joe last week

GOOOOOOOLDBERG, GOOOOOOOOLDBERG, etc.

GOLDBERG: I have the Universal title now

UNIVERSE: member CM Punk

GOLDBERG: yep

VINCE: dammit Heyman get out there

suddenly HEYMAN

HEYMAN: Bork’s here

BORK is here, BORK and GOLDBERG stare at each other

HEYMAN: Bork says thank you in advance for the Universal belt, at Mania you’ll be Bork’s b-word

GOLDBERG: say what now

BORK F-5s GOLDBERG, BORK walks off to eat all of Chicago, GOLDBERG sweats profusely

E&C: HOW YOU DOIN, SAWWWWWWWWFT, etc.

CLUB and E&C have a rematch

ENZO: hey Cass maybe you should tag in earlier this time

CASS: sounds good

CASS beats up everyone

CASS: tag

suddenly CESARO & SHEAMUS

C&S: just here to watch

ENZO: face in peril time

CASS: not for long tho

E&C beat up CLUB, ENZO spills CESARO’s coffee, C&S beat up E&C

COLE: Ravishing Rick Rude’s going in the Hall of Fame

C&S and E&C are backstage yelling at each other

MICK: EVERYONE SHUT UP, you’re having a match next week

STEPH: Mick Foley to the principal’s office please

MICK: k

suddenly purple ropes

AKIRA and DAIVARI have a fight

AKIRA: LOUD NOISES AND FLIPPINESS

AKIRA kills DAIVARI

AKIRA: hey The Brian are you ever gonna fight me

THE BRIAN: I’ll answer that on 205 Live

NEW DAY’s here with ice cream, E tries to eat the cooler

NEW DAY: keep buying our merch so you can buy our ice cream later, we’re gonna fight the Shining Stars

STARS: also we’re here

NEW DAY kills STARS

MICK: hey Bayley, nice job defending your title last night

BAYLEY: yeah but Sasha interfering wasn’t great

MICK: but hey it doesn’t really matter that Sasha interfered, who’s gonna fight Bayley at Mania

SASHA: Imma fight Bayley at Mania

CHARLOTTE: nah imma fight Bayley at Mania, Sasha is playing Bayley and she robbed me last night

DANA: also I’m here

STEPH: yeah Sasha is obviously playing Bayley so Charlotte is going to face Bayley at Mania

UNIVERSE: MEMBER CM PUNK

BEAR: yes of course Chicago now please stop

MICK: how bout Sasha and Charlotte fight next week to see who faces Bayley

STEPH: nah but Sasha fights Bayley now and if Sasha wins then triple threat at Mania, and somehow I’m totally fine with that outcome

SASHA and BAYLEY have a fight

SASHA: shake my hand

BAYLEY: nah let’s grap instead

CHARLOTTE: I’m on commentary, Sasha is obviously manipulative and playing everybody

COLE, GRAVES, SAXTON: oh SURELY not

BAYLEY: have some offense

SASHA: have some right back

BAYLEY: pin

SASHA: nah, pin

BAYLEY: nah, pin

this goes on for a while

SASHA: bank statement

BAYLEY: nah

SASHA: how bout now

CHARLOTTE: Imma interfere

DANA: me too, I’m helping

SASHA: nah, even more bank statement

BAYLEY taps, CHARLOTTE kills everyone

CHARLY: hey Roman, Braun says he’s gonna beat you up, how bout that

ROMAN: guess I’ll see him later tonight

ROLLINS is rehabbing

ROLLINS: Imma be at Mania

HHH is on the Tron

COLE: hey HHH, Rollins wants to be at Mania, how bout that

HHH: our doctors are awesome, they say Rollins shouldn’t go to Mania so he probably shouldn’t, I’m also awesome, if Rollins calls me out at Mania imma kill him

suddenly an EMMA video

EMMA: Dark Emma coming soon

BEAR marks out furiously, UNIVERSE collectively shrugs

JOE and JERICHO have a fight

JOE: Imma kill you

JERICHO: nah

JOE: coquina clutch

JOE kills JERICHO, then comes back to kill him aga-

JERICHO: hey Bear don’t write things for me before they happen

BEAR: did you just break down the fourth wall

JERICHO: that’s kinda my thing, anyway Joe gets a codebreaker

what JERICHO said

a large amount of beef enters

BRAUN: HEY ROMAN GET OUT HERE AND FIGHT ME

GONG

and

a

really

long

entrance

and

then

TAKER

stares

down

BRAUN

BRAUN: yeah no thank you

suddenly ROMAN

ROMAN: hey Taker, leave

TAKER kills ROMAN, ROMAN does not overcome things

COLE: well Taker’s fighting Roman at Mania now

UNIVERSE: oh