Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry I’m late! I got here as fast as I could, but I’m walking slow today because I’m still so sore from pilates. No, I went two days ago, actually, but we did all these butt lifts and my ass has been on fire ever since.

Anyway, how are you? Oh my god, congratulations! That’s great! When do you start? Ahhhh. Oh wow. Ouch. Wow. Ouch. No, I’m OK, we just did so many squats in pilates, it hurts sit down, haha. OK, I made it. Wow, it feels good to sit — in a chair and not against a wall! We did so many wall sits the other day, while holding weights. My quads are killing me!

So when do you start? That’s so soon! Oh look, there’s a waiter, I’m going to flag her down. Ow! OK never mind — I can’t lift my arm. I pushed myself to use heavier weights in class because I felt like I was kind of plateauing, and I’ve been paying for it. Can you get her attention? I really need a drink! I think it’ll help my muscles relax.

Hi! I’m OK, thanks! Sore from pilates, but otherwise fine. How are you? Great. I’ll have a margarita please. Will you eat chips and guacamole if I get them? OK, chips and guacamole. I shouldn’t be consuming so many calories, but I’ve been working out so hard lately, I feel like I’ve earned it, haha. Ouch, I can’t laugh! It hurts my stomach. We did so many ab exercises the other day, it was crazy. I felt like I was going to puke all day yesterday — that’s how sore my abs were! From pilates.

OK, so. How did you find out about this job? Was it Alexa? Wow, that’s so nice of her. I mean, obviously it’s good for her too because you’re so qualified. What? No, I’m OK, I just need to stretch out my back a little. We do a lot of back stuff in pilates because your back is actually part of your core — did you know that? I wish I could roll on the floor but I know getting out of this chair right now would kill my hamstrings.

Oh wow, thanks for noticing! Yeah, I swear pilates has helped me so much. My posture is better and I feel like, longer? I don’t want to be ridiculous and flex for you right now but my arms are getting pretty jacked haha. OK fine, there you go. Ouch! Even flexing kills my tris. Triceps. These ones right here. Yeah, they’re so sore still from pilates. We did a lot of deadlifts with triceps. And pushups. And lunges, which didn’t work my triceps but they destroyed my inner thighs.

What’s up with me? Well…pilates! And…I’ve been going to spin class a few times a week, which I love. And…this other class called diesel, which is like pilates but more active and with heavier weights. And I’ve been running a lot, usually like a mile before each class, at least. Then one day a week, I’ll run like three or four miles —

No, I’m not working. That’s probably why I have so much time to work out, haha! Josh? We actually broke up a few months ago — I didn’t tell you? Projects….oh right! I was going to write a pilot. No, I haven’t started it yet. So I’ve just been…yeah, just going to pilates a lot, and…hm…

Yikes, I have to pee so bad right now! I don’t know if I can get up though, because I’m still so sore from pilates. Do you think anyone would notice if I just peed right in this chair? Whoops! Too late.