4. Empathy is on the other side of defensiveness.

If you’re even considering asking somebody for their true perspective, you’ve got to be ready to open yourself up to hear things you might not like. Drop the defense strategy, and show your true self, vulnerable, open, exposed, and hurt. Try your best to see where the other person might actually right. Really try to see where they are coming from. Try to put yourself in their shoes, and you’ll find that when you do, you will feel a deep empathy for that person and their experience, but you will also find it for yourself. So experiment around with feeling grateful about what this person is teaching you about yourself, and feeling compassionate for their experience, and remember. Hurt people, hurt people. Nobody who is feeling good intentionally tries to hurt another.

5. All fear is a fear of feelings.

It’s not just new-age psychobabble – it’s true! Did you know that the only fears we are born with are the fear of heights and the fear of loud noises? Everything else we fear is learned. We learn that our feelings are too strong to handle, we learn that we are too intense, that we don’t know how to dismantle the feeling we get when somebody is mean to us, or we don’t get what we want, or we have lost something we want. In an attempt to dull the feeling that we fear we can’t handle, we do pretty much anything. Eat, drink, gamble, smoke, blame others, throw a self pity party. The only way out, is through. Allow yourself permission to feel the feelings that come up in difficult experiences, and guess what – they won’t hold you back anymore. If you need some help, Module 1 of my free Cultivate Your Career Mini Course is all about creating awareness.

[Related: Overwhelmed? 7 Strategies To Help You Realign]

6. When you stop trying to run away from your feelings, you take back control of your life.

Once you’re able to stop running away from the feelings, you can start to move forward in spite of them. Running away from your feelings is exhausting. Once you stop doing it, you will find a renewed sense of inspired energy. You find that hope again that you indeed have control over your life. You rediscover that you can handle it. You find that lose sense of personal power that you once had. You start to take control back over your life. You can now look at a situation objectively, and make a conscious, intentional decision about what YOU want for yourself. And you can confidently do so, knowing you have the mental resources to do so.

Yes, this just might be the secret to life. You’re welcome.