ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

One of the curators of the Melbourne Cricket Ground has told reporters this morning that he tried overnight to get a bit more life into the wicket by using a defibrillator he found in Bay Q11.

Darren Tuxworth, a junior groundsman at the nation’s largest sporting colosseum, spoke briefly to The Advocate around 9am this morning where he told our reporter that he and the other curators feel responsible for the lacklustre pitch.

“So we’ve been trying to fix it,” he said.

“Sort of putting the hose on it and drying it with a gas heater, we put the defrib on it and pressed go,”

“The robot lady in the box was a bit confused. She kept telling us to attach the paddles to the dead bloke and stand clear. We had to wet the pads to trick her into thinking it was attached to a person. Anyway, she went off a few times, zapped the pitch and whatnot. Only time will tell I guess.”

However, Mr Tuxworth has defended himself against the Channel 7 commentary team.

Throughout yesterday, the Seven team ridiculed and belittled the efforts of the curating team.

“Our pitch might be lifeless and boring but at least it’s not as lifeless and boring as the Channel Seven cricket team. You’d have more fun with David Koch at the pub than hanging out with them!”

More to come.