Stress is a killer -- literally. It also leads to wanton spending, unanticipated medical expenses and income loss.

Some problems simply can't be avoided. Others we can control.

I'm one of those people who used to stress out over simple things, like laundry. It's taken me YEARS and lots of money to develop tricks for controlling this mania. I'd like to share 25 tips learned along my merry therapeutic path. Hopefully, they'll help.

1. Avoid human stress magnets. Limit exposure to those who create stress in your life, particularly if they refuse to change. You might even consider ending the relationship entirely. That can create more stress during the process, but the result can be surprisingly blissful.

2. Control your environment. Is this you? You're driving home, listening to the evening news when someone spouts an unbelievable inanity. You clutch the steering wheel and scream! (Okay. Maybe that's not you, but it's sure me.) That's why I now listen to music or books on CD during drive times. Now, if it's the traffic that makes you tense, take a longer but less-traveled route. If going to the market drives you up the wall, delegate the job to someone else; shop during slower hours; or do the bulk of your shopping at farmers' markets, community-supported agriculture groups or bodegas/neighborhood stores.

3. Flip the switch on hot buttons. Discussions of religion, politics and the economy make some people see red. If certain hot buttons just drive you 'round the bend, cross them off your conversation list. If you repeatedly argue about the same subject with the same people, stop introducing the topic or excuse yourself when they start in again. With enough practice, you might even be able to laugh off their foolish viewpoints.

4. Just say no. We all have limits, but not all of us insist others recognize them. Refuse to accept excessive responsibilities, whether in your professional or personal life. You may be pleasantly surprised at the reaction you'll receive. Then again, you may not. But you won't know until you try; and you deserve to try.

5. Create a to-don't list. Identify the "shoulds" and "musts" on your to-do list and eliminate or drop the non-necessities to the bottom. Shoot the "shoulds" to the top of the list if they ever become "musts," (if that makes sense).

6. Express yourself. Nobody can read minds, not even "True Blood's" Sookie Stackhouse. (Not really.) Communicate with co-workers, friends and even the supermarket cashier when there's a problem. Be honest and respectful when discussing a problem to avoid even more stress, however. Replace in-your-face like, "I have a bone to pick," with "I have a few concerns." If it helps, write down the nasty discussion on paper, tear it up (into tiny, tiny, tiny pieces) then use the non-confrontational language in your live discussion.

7. Compromise. Be willing to make changes in your behavior when asking someone to change for your benefit. Two trees bending in the middle will meet in the middle, while one tree bending over backwards will just break and land on the ground. (Great analogy, huh?)

8. Be assertive about your rights. Don't be the back-seat driver in your own life -- instead, take pro-active action. Arrange car pools ahead of time, not the day of a soccer tournament. Study for that big exam throughout the term, not the night before. Talk to your roommate about the dishes before the pile overflows into the family room.

9. Manage your time. Poor time management is one of the biggest stressing agents for Americans. It's hard to stay calm and focused when you're stretched too thin and running behind. It's difficult to plan ahead, but it sure helps. I found a color-coded Personal Digital Assistant invaluable when I was juggling multiple projects. Smart phones have built-in PDAs and list managers that back up to computers. Take advantage of this technology. If such cell phones are out of your price range, buy a cheap paper agenda and use it. (I do!) Begin by tracking your time for a couple of weeks, then look back to see how you can tighten up your schedule to reduce stress.

10. Reframe problems. Change a smallish stress experience into a smallish, positive experience. Rather than fuming about a traffic jam, make it an opportunity to pause and regroup. Listen to your favorite radio station, a book on CD or simply lay back and enjoy some alone time.

11. Big-picture your life. Will this situation matter in a month? A year? Is it really worth getting upset over? If the answer is no, focus your time and energy elsewhere.

12. Adjust your standards. Perfectionism is a major source of avoidable stress, particularly for women. Stop setting yourself up for failure by demanding perfection. Set reasonable standards for yourself and others, and learn to be OK with "good enough." For example, your husband doesn't have to wash the dishes or clothes exactly the way you do. The car doesn't need to be cleaned and waxed every weekend. Cheerios truly won't melt your child's skin.

13. Look for the turtles. A well-known scientist once gave a lecture explaining the structure of our galaxy, to which an elderly lady objected. Stubbornly she explained the world was really a flat plate supported on the back of a giant tortoise. The scientist gave a superior smile and asked what the tortoise stood upon, to which the lady replied, "It's turtles all the way down." People use this anecdote to illustrate many things, but I like to see it as a way to count my blessings instead of my problems. "Hey baby, it's turtles all the way down." Call me naive, (which nobody does) but at the worst of times this really works.

14. What doesn't kill us... This is another version of the turtles thing and it may make you want to swat the next person who throws this old saying in your face. That said, it sure helps to look at a major challenge as an opportunity for personal growth, rather than just another example of the universe spitting in your face.

15. Let it go. Many things in life are beyond our control -- particularly the behavior of other people. Rather than stressing out over them, focus on you. Focus on the things you can control, such as the way you choose to react to problems. This also applies to talking to people about problems. For example, instead of telling your husband, "You make me irritated," tell him, "I get irritated when you leave your wet towel on the carpet." Nobody can make you irritated, sad or glad. You choose to be irritated, sad or glad. It sounds stupid, but it does help the conversation and your attitude. Sometimes, you'll even get better results.