We’re not even gonna try to candy-coat this one, because if you’ve been in one (or are currently in one), you know that long distance relationships suck.

That being said, there are many things you can do right now to avoid future conflicts, such as setting clear ground rules and communicating openly and regularly.

For one boyfriend currently in a long distance relationship, the distance is beginning to take a toll on his trust after finding out his boyfriend has been using Grindr to ‘make friends’.

He writes on Reddit: “So my boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year, and he’s been using grindr for at least the last few months to ‘make friends’.”

“He’s from overseas, and when I met him over the summer he had a lot of friends from his home country but unfortunately almost all of them had to go back home. He’s still got some friends, but not many gay friends which he says he wants to have too (fair enough).”

“I found out he was using grindr when I saw that he’d been adding guys that i didn’t know on Facebook who were obviously gay. When I asked him if he’d been using the app, he admitted to it and said that he was using it just to make friends and that his profile didn’t have a picture, said he was partnered, and only looking for chats and friends.”

“I trusted him on this, and felt a bit at ease after talking to him but time and time again i’ll start to feel uncomfortable about it. Whenever I brought it up again he’d say things like “you don’t trust me, you should trust me etc….” and acts as if he’s doing nothing wrong at all and that i’m the one being irrational. He’s also super secretive over his phone.”

“The thing is that I completely trust that he’s not going to cheat, but still feel really uncomfortable with him always chatting to random guys on what’s ultimately a dating/hook up app. We also have very different ideas about cheating – he believes that cheating is all about the sexual act whereas i believe that it starts at an emotional level. This is why i feel uncomfortable because we all know what most guys on grindr are looking for, and that the guys he’s chatting with are going to be flirty/ sexually suggestive.”

“Out of curiosity I downloaded grindr to find him, and like he said there was no picture on his profile and it said that he was looking for chats and friends which was reassuring. But I also found that whenever I wanted to see him but he ‘felt like being alone’, I’d check grindr and he’d be on it pretty much all night, or he’d say he’s going to bed but will spend hours on grindr after that.”

Finally he asks his fellow redditors: “Am I overreacting by feeling worried or uncomfortable about him using grindr? Any advice?”

User John2Nhoj wasn’t buying the ‘I’m on Grindr to make friends’ excuse: “BF using Grindr to make friends is one of the newest, but more common lines in the book. People cheat because they are tempted to do so and Grindr is full of guys to be tempted by. If used to make friends then the both of you should be doing it together.”

Just_FillingtheVoid writes: “To me, it’s the same as saying “Hey I’m going to the strip club to make some friends”…. Can you? Absolutely is that by any means the way normal people go around making friends…..? No…Not really… I mean if he were to say that he likes it when guys are interested in talking to him with underlying sexual intent, but has no intention of anything other than fulfilling the feeling of being wanted/attractive from other guys then that’s another story…. It’s not about whether or not you trust him it’s about how his actions make you feel, and the discussion that needs to happen to reach a conclusion/compromise.”

MalFUNct10N writes: “I totally sympathize with your situation, because I’m in a similar position and I think your feelings are justified. I will never accept Grindr as a friend-making application, even after having been reassured by my guy that it’s what it’s about. His profile, unlike your boyfriend’s, has a picture and things he’s looking for (including dates, relationships and right now). After falling out a few times about this issue, I’m always the one being paranoid. After all, if you are in a relationship with someone, why -instead of talking to your partner- would you need to seek out other forms of communication in such a sexual and suggestive environment?”

Leitz91 write: “I think a good indicator would be how apprehensive he is when you want to use/see his phone. If he had nothing to hide, he would have nothing to worry about, which you said wasn’t the case. It’s a horrible position to be in man. I’m not sure what you should do other than just try honestly talking to him.”

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Any advice for this LDR boyfriend? Leave your advice in the comments section below.