Surviving family members of Wauwatosa West and Columbine shootings suggest shifting the dialogue to safety, not guns

Two surviving children of slain school district administrators think the national focus needs to shift toward greater discussion and less "yelling," and away from a gun-control and more on school safety.

Jay Breitlow and Coni Sanders also support student activism and think the power of young voters might turn the tide on this national dialogue.

While the world is still grappling with the aftermath of the devastating school shooting in Parkland, Florida, students, parents and faculty are taking a stand by saying "enough is enough."

While a freshman at Wauwatosa West High School, Jay Breitlow's dad, Dale Breitlow, associate principal, was gunned down in the school hallway on Dec. 1, 1993.

Coni Sanders' dad, William "Dave" Sanders, a coach and teacher at Columbine High School, was among 13 killed on April 20, 1999.

Both Sanders and Breitlow live in Colorado now and think the conversation needs to start with what everyone can agree upon.

Finding common ground

Breitlow said when a mass shooting happens, the common rhetoric is to focus on the argument of more guns or no guns. He hopes the conversation will shift and center on the people behind the guns. For Breitlow, the commonality is all human beings want their kids to be safer, he said.

"People can get behind safety," Breitlow said. "The definition of safety is either less or no guns. There are plenty of ways to find middle ground on the issue."

Breitlow said the first thing is not to blanket the whole country as arming or not arming all schools.

"Leave it to the discretion of individual districts and schools; start small and let's work our way up from there," he said.

There are shades of gray in the argument; Breitlow notes there were officers who were armed and it didn't stop the shooter at Parkland.

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"Something is not working," Breitlow said. "We can agree that something could be done. Let's move forward with conversations, which is where things could start."

He used the example of the accused Parkland shooter Nikolas Cruz, who appears to have had mental health issues. Breitlow said there were "no systems to catch him" despite there being warning signs on Cruz's declining mental state and interest in violence.

"Is there a gun law that could stop it? That is the better conversation to have," he said.

Breitlow's point is to get people to talk with each other and not at each other. When bad things happen, look at how you want your community, state and country to evolve, he said.

No names, no notoriety

Breitlow and Sanders are passionate about not giving mass shooters notoriety. They both believe more emphasis should be on the victims and survivors.

"The less we use their names, the less likely people will do it for notoriety," Sanders said.

It is Sander's understanding many mass shooters have studied the Columbine High School killers and other high profile shootings and often seek fame.

"By using their names, society is fulfilling the dreams of murders everywhere and forgetting the victims," Sanders said.

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Sanders explained if more attention is paid to the real kids impacted or killed, everyone might be more willing to take action.

Sanders said students deciding to take part in a walkout at their school in response to a shooting or other cause can be a "tricky issue."

"Education is the No. 1 focus," Sanders said. "It is a tricky issue because students don't go to school to die. School is crucial to this problem because this is a place where kids feel unsafe. The walkouts send a message."

She doesn't agree students should walk out each day over every issue they want to draw attention to. However, she fully supports students for making a statement.

"They are the ones impacted," Sanders said. "Adults set the rules and scream and holler at what should happen. The kids are the ones living in that reality."

The survivors of the Parkland shooting and other teenagers around the world are giving hope through their activism, she said. Sanders acknowledged many of the students are almost of voting age.

"Politicians better be scared," Sanders said. "Their base is aging and kids don't play into the same politics we have had for the past 40 years."

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It is her hope the students stay active even if they differ from her own beliefs. Sanders believes people need to come together and truly support each other even if they are on the opposite side.

"If more people are voting, fewer will be upset over the outcome because they took part," she said.

Breitlow also applauds students who are taking a stand. Participating in these types of movements are a great part of being an American and having the ability to speak your mind, Breitlow said.

He is concerned, however, the walkouts will end with no one learning anything.

Breitlow encourages a more conversational style, such as sitting down with someone in the state Capitol or a state representative instead of fueling the fire with yelling. Breitlow said people need to dial back the yelling and come to small incremental steps everyone can get behind.

District comments on walkouts

The first national event planned in response to the Florida shooting is set for March, 14, which would mark one month since the massacre. It's being planned in part by the Women's March organizers.

At least nine Milwaukee-area schools appear on a list of those across the country where students plan to take part in a National School Walkout at 10 a.m. March 14. The event is encouraging students and staff to walk out for 17 minutes to honor the 17 people killed by a gunman at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland.

Another walkout is planned on April 20, which will mark the 19th year since the Columbine High School massacre in Colorado.

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Several other school districts said they are still formulating their policies in response.

Wauwatosa Superintendent Phil Ertl sent a letter to parents on Feb. 22.

"While we believe time in the classroom is critically important, we also place a high value on affording our students the opportunity to share their voice on issues and engage in civic and social discussions.

"If secondary-aged students want to participate in such events, we support them. Each building administrator will work with students to accommodate student’s attendance of, or participation in, such events and will communicate with parents about what steps need to be taken to do so," a paragraph in the letter said.