Time to Crack Open a Window?

The jig is rigged, and the game is almost up. But before the DEA or Congress rips some seriously toxic fragrance, let’s back up and breathe a little fresh air.

Kratom is a green powder supplement made from mashed leaves from the tropical tree Mitragyna speciosa, a coffee cousin grown in the forests of Southeast Asia. Traditionally, its green leaves are handpicked and dried in the sun — brewed as a tea or ground up and swallowed with water. About 4 million people are estimated to use Kratom in the U.S.

Humanity’s use of Kratom as a medicine is at least as old as the New Testament and then some. Peasants in Thailand chew it up to 10 times a day to work in the hot sun. Kratom has been used as a sedative replacement for opium in Malaysia. Some even spread it on their belly to drive out worms.

Perhaps Kratom’s a perfect prescription for Congressional constipation — an abdominal Kratom belly rub for the Soul, if you will?

Bernie Sanders happens to be a fan of Kratom. The presidential candidate has asked the D.E.A. not to restrict the supplement without careful deliberation, citing “the long reported history of Kratom use, coupled with the public’s sentiment that it is a safe alternative to prescription opioids.”

Because in addition to relieving the body of worms and politicians, Kratom is also great for treating opioid withdrawal, boosting energy, and providing pain relief. Kratom is so good for this, we wouldn’t be surprised if jazz musicians dedicated trombone solos to a little Kratom in the moonlight. Who knows?

So What’s the Hype About, Really?

Is Kratom safe?

About 91 people have supposedly died from using Kratom — perhaps some of the suburban kids whose moms donate dutifully to congressional political campaigns.

Take another deep breath and step back. Over 72,000 people died in the U.S. from drug overdoses in 2017 — more dead Americans in a single year than the entire Vietnam War. That number is driven by an increased use of opioids and an increased presence of Fentanyl on the black market — not to mention drug companies peddling Oxycontin like federally approved Captain America Pez dispensers.