First it was the NBA, then it was Blizzard Entertainment, and now even Disney is bowing down to our new Chinese overlords. FSW has learned that Mouse House CEO Bob Iger has issued a gag order for all Star Wars cast and crew, prohibiting them from publicly displaying support for Hong Kong protesters.

The mandate, which was delivered via internal memo, outlines a series of new protocols in regard to the ongoing protests in Hong Kong. Iger makes it clear that anyone who does not abide by the new rules will be immediately terminated and never again be employed by Disney or any of its subsidiaries. The following excerpt illustrates the gravity of the situation:

As a values-based organization, I want to make it very clear that we must all refrain from personally addressing the situation in Hong Kong. We have great respect for the history and culture of China, and sincerely hope that the magic of Disney can be used much like the Force to bridge divides and bring people together. Anything counter to that — be it a tweet or statement or slogan on a shirt — is to be avoided at all costs.

Insiders believe the sternly worded memo was precipitated by the popularity of memes featuring members of the fictional Star Wars Resistance with the hashtags #FreeHongKong. According to unsubstantiated reports, at least one of the images was inadvertently shared by a high-profile Lucasfilm employee on Twitter.

Disney is also feeling additional heat, because of a recent South Park that seems to have accurately predicted the company kowtowing to China. In the episode, Mickey Mouse is shown as a pot-smoking tyrant who dresses down any Disney employee who gets in the way of his lucrative opportunities within the People’s Republic of China.

In addition to policing the social media of its Star Wars performers, Iger is also aggressively pushing to cater Star Wars products to Chinese tastes. A recent round of Episode IX reshoots are directly related to these efforts. There have been as many as eight endings for The Rise of Skywalker, because director J.J. Abrams is struggling to find one that appeals to both the East and the West.

FSW has learned the heavily rumored ending involving Rey defeating the Emperor with the help of Force ghosts Anakin, Luke, and Leia is definitely no longer on the table. “Ghosts are not allowed to be shown on film in China, and Disney wants to make some sweet, sweet yuan, so the ghosts had to go,” said one of our American-Born Chinese sources.

Selling Star Wars in China has been an uphill challenge for Disney. The market had very tepid responses to The Force Awakens, Ranger Solo, and The Last Jedi. However, Iger is hoping to turn the tide with the final installment of the Skywalker saga. Naturally, the company has been hush-hush about the ongoing protests in Hong Kong.

“Getting mixed up in the controversy could be very costly for anyone, but especially for Disney. They could potentially lose all four of five Star Wars fans in China… which sounds ridiculously small, but each one of those fans is worth close to two million casual Western fans, when adjusted for inflation,” said economist to the stars and FSW carpooler, Jerrod Kleinman.

As always, stay tuned to FakingStarWars.net for all the finest Star Wars comedy, parody, and satire in the galaxy. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook and subscribe to our podcast on iTunes or Google Play for even more unbelievable news from a galaxy far, far away. Also, consider supporting us on Patreon… for as little as a buck a month, you can help us fake harder, better, faster, stronger.

— William “Willybobo” Bobo