“Something Just Like This”

Coldplay’s downfall can be traced back to a specific time and place: Glastonbury 2011, when they bested fellow headliners U2 on one of the world’s biggest stages. The torch-passing moment was well-deserved, but it left the band nowhere to go; these wonderfully sappy losers had won. Since then, Chris Martin and his dudes have wallowed and rejoiced in redundancy, churning out the type of songs that make lifelong Coldplay haters puff their chest in defiance. But for those of us who still vouch for the beta brilliance of “Yellow” or “Fix You” (or “Strawberry Swing” or “Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall”) the last five years have not been kind.

With this encroaching doom in mind, “Something Just Like This,” the group’s new clickbait collaboration with dick-measuring EDM trolls the Chainsmokers is the last, desperate breath before all life is lost. Over starry atmosphere and fair-weather drops built for Cancún’s tourism association, Martin sings of how unheroic he is, trying to make the regular sound special. He’s pulled off this unassuming trick before, elevating his humility to arena-stuffing heights, but here, it sounds like a con. As the hook begins to simmer, he sings, “How much you wanna risk?” ventriloquizing an imaginary partner who’s happy to settle for less. Then the bass boils, and the question answers itself.