Photo : Win McNamee ( Getty Images )

I’m sitting here grossing myself out and trying to figure out if I have ever seen a picture that shows a close-up shot of U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions’ crotch. The reason I’m wondering if I have seen a picture of his crotch is that I have no doubt he has cajones the size of 10-pound bowling balls after this latest stunt.


You see, even though the president continues to diss little Jeffy at every given opportunity, Sessions seems to remain loyal to his true love. This past Friday, Sessions was in Houston, Texas, to deliver a speech to law enforcement officers and federal prosecutors on the necessity to ban sanctuary cities as a means of reducing gang violence.

The Houston Chronicle reports that Sessions said in his speech, “This should be obvious: If we want to reduce violent crime we should reduce illegal immigrant crime. If you’re not prepared to lock up dangerous criminals to protect the public, you’re not fulfilling your responsibility.”


Sessions announced during his speech that the Justice Department is adding a dozen new prosecutors in the Southern District of Texas—which includes the international border with Mexico.

How ironic then, that while Sessions was on his anti-Mexican tour of Houston, he decided to eat at not one, but two different Mexican restaurants in the area.

Before his speech Friday, Sessions had a breakfast of huevos rancheros at what the Chronicle describes as a “Houston mainstay,” La Mexicana. The restaurant’s general manager, Zulema Gonzales, said that she was approached by law enforcement days before the visit and asked questions about the restaurant’s security. She told the Chronicle that she did not know who would be eating in the restaurant until Sessions showed up.

On Friday evening, Sessions had dinner at El Tiempo Cantina. The owner of that restaurant, Roland Laurenzo, would later reportedly say that he too was approached about his restaurant’s security but was not made aware of who the top-secret guest was until Sessions showed up.


That did not stop Laurenzo from posting a photo of the restaurant owner posed with Sessions to the chain’s social media accounts with the caption “We had the honor to server [sic] Mr. Jeff Sessions, Attorney General of the United States. Thank you for allowing us to serve you.”


The Chronicle reports that Laurenzo faced immediate backlash for the post, with some customers calling for a boycott of the restaurant.

According to CultureMap, the post was initially deleted and replaced with a post that contained the following message from Laurenzo:

El Tiempo does not in anyway support the practice of separating children from parents or any other practices of the government relative to immigration. The posting of a photograph of the Attorney General at one of our restaurants does not represent us supporting his positions. The secret service contacted us that a government official was coming to dinner at our establishment and his identity was not know until he walked through the door. The man came to dinner and he was served without us even thinking about the political situations. We were preoccupied with the secret service and catering to their wants and needs. The only thing on our minds was serving great food and giving great customer service. It was posted without review or approval by ownership and this has lead to everyone jumping to conclusions that somehow we are involved in this political matter. We don’t approve of anyone separating parents and children.


Later, all social media accounts for El Tiempo Cantina were deleted.

Laurenzo told ABC13 that his social media team chose the photo and the caption without consulting anyone in management.


“I certainly regret it because it’s inaccurate in terms of the totality of what we would be thinking,” Laurenzo told the news station.

“People are insulting us in such a dramatic fashion, and we feel like we don’t deserve it,” he said. “At least temporarily I had it taken down because I don’t want to be insulted, my children to be insulted, my family to be insulted.”


The irony of all of this is making me constipated.