I got my first watch a few weeks ago. It's a Casio retrofitted with a three-color band: red, white, and black. People often mistake the black for blue and assume I'm repping the French tricolor on my wrist. Once they realize the actual color scheme, they think it's either Thom Browne or, very occasionally, the striped flag of Yemen. I go with Yemen because its flag is one of the few that references the concept of time: The red stands for the bloodshed of martyrs, the white for a bright future, and the black for the dark past. Past and future in a flag — perfect for a watchband, no?

I'd never considered wearing a watch before, but it struck me as a sensible step toward spending less time on my phone. It's one less reason to pull out my "precious" — and perhaps a small step away from that hyperconnected, everything-all-of-the-time modern anxiety. I'll admit it's hard to fully trust something that's not connected to the Internet, but I think, with time, it'll work out.

Now that I have a watch, I notice other people's watches. This leads to more conversations about watches and more time spent thinking about watches. This is a slippery slope: You start as an earnest young man who's trying to keep track of the precious minutes of life and suddenly you're a potbellied old bore trapped in endless conversations about Panerais [Fig. 1], waiting for death.

It's a frightening thought. There is certainly something appealing about the elegance and craftsmanship of a well-made watch, but there is a dark side to modern watch culture, too.

Jacques Séguéla, the French millionaire and close friend of Sarkozy, famously stated on TV: "Everyone has a Rolex [Fig. 2]. If you don't have a Rolex by the time you reach 50, then you have clearly failed in your life." I've always been fascinated by this type of rich-guy talk; it's easy to deride as the ramblings of an out-of-touch maniac, but maybe there's something heavier beneath the surface.

The watch is a symbol of both money and time, right? A $20,000 Audemars Piguet [Fig. 3] on your wrist clearly shows that you are rich, but a watch, as opposed to a ring or chain or any other accessory, measures the one thing that money can't buy, the one thing that devours us all, rich and poor alike: time. There's something almost tragic (or hilarious, depending on your sense of humor) about a French millionaire cradling this fancy toy that simultaneously flaunts his status and ticks on toward the ultimate end of status — death, that great equalizer.

But … what if Séguéla is right? What if not having a Rolex by 50 really means you have failed in life? I am a very superstitious person. I need to understand. Do you have to wear the Rolex? Is secretly buying one and keeping it in your safe enough to ensure that you are a success? What about a Patek Philippe [Fig. 4]? I'm going to do some research. Will let you know.

Koenig is now touring with Vampire Weekend to support their latest record,Modern Vampires of the City, out this month. He currently knows what time it is.

From left: Fig.1: Steel Radiomir Black Seal ($6,700) by Panerai. Fig.2 Steel Oyster Perpetual Explorer II ($8,100) by Rolex. Fig.3: Steel Royal Oak extra-thin ($22,500) by Audemars Piguet. Fig.4: Steel Aquanaut extra-large ($20,300) by Patek Philippe.

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