Here’s a rare glimpse of the goings-on at an exclusive Australian art school. After many years’ intensive training, three of its most promising students have nearly completed their major works. Pickle has used a fine brush to paint a striking esoteric sign which will challenge less enlightened minds’ ecological xenophobia. Peach has used a wider brush to paint bolder, more expressive strokes which will encourage the most hate-filled racists to renounce their bigotry. Having dispensed with brushes completely, Pear’s immersion in the media has produced a masterpiece with the gravitas of a genuine Rothko. The famous tutor Odo Klow directs these three prodigies unhindered by his lack of eyes, which would only be a handicap to connoisseurs of modern art. By way of compensation, his well-developed ears are attuned to the faintest cries of social injustice, and his one-note trumpet lets him drown out any voices of dissent. An original by Michael Leunig – the Epitome of National Greatness – hangs on the wall to inspire them further and bring a touch of humility to this group of gifted visionaries.





Note: As I’ve never had any formal training, let alone attended art school, I’ll admit this picture and description are entirely speculative, but my speculation is based on very real work I’ve seen at very real galleries!





