And now for something completely different:

Faux Luddite (n) – one who vocally expresses their hatred of technology, especially computers, usually via their Live Journal or MySpace blog. Also known as tech-hypocrite.

Faux Luddites are inexplicably addicted to technology. They always buy the newest, shiniest cell phones, own iPods, shop one ebay, and obsessively use social networks. Despite this fact, they loudly claim they hate computers and technology in general. Furthermore they are physically incapable of configuring their electronic devices (possibly due to lack of opposable thumbs) and will alway seek help with that task. They will resist learning how to configure or fix their electronic gear at any cost, usually citing their hatred of technology as a reason.

As opposed to historical Luddites and Neo Luddites, Faux Luddites are not a formal social movement. It’s more of a state of mind, or mental deficiency. People afflicted by this condition often seem to gravitate toward ach other forming social groups of mutual reaffirmation. These pathological “I hate computers too” circle jerks are very common in all communities and cultures. Due to a positive feedback loop within the Faux Luddite social groups many of them end up viewing their inability to understand the technology they are so reliant on, as a positive and desirable character trait. In fact it seems to be the key factor of the Faux Luddite group identity.

Faux Luddism is theoretically reversible (especially at an early age) , but most adults suffering from this condition never fully recover.

Faux Luddites can be often found congregating around areas frequented by technology professionals, trying to solicit for free tech support. Giving into their demands is not recommended, as it is really an enabling behavior. When confronted by a Faux Luddite, it is recommended to kill it with fire.

Can you tell that this type of attitude annoys me? Just to clarify, I don’t think there is anything wrong with hating technology per se. If you are a real Luddite, you don’t use a computer and live in a forest with wild beasts and lumberjacks that’s fine by me. I will probably never meet you because I don’t visit forests that often. And of course you won’t be reading my blog, or asking me for free tech support, so really I have nothing against you.

There is also nothing wrong with being clueless, as long as you make at least a little bit of effort to learn. Some people just don’t use computers that often, and some just have a hard time figuring them out. It’s ok to struggle as long as your long term goal is to one day be proficient enough to get by without a lot of help.

Simply deciding that you hate computers and then using them for everything is not acceptable. It’s like saying you hate the beach and then buying a beach house. It’s an attitude problem that requires adjustment. You are going to tell me that you fucking hate technology while updating your myspace on your laptop, talking on your iPhone while watching a movie on your plasma in HD? Fuck off! You sir are a hypocrite and you need to die. Don’t even fucking dare to ask me for help if any of that shit breaks.

[tags]luddite, luddism, faux luddite, technology, computers[/tags]