Semyon Varlamov is on injured reserve with a wonky groin. Reto Berra is “out for a while.” Calvin Pickard was lit up against the Ottawa Senators on Thursday night.

The Colorado Avalanche have a bit of a goalie problem at the moment, and you know what that means:

Martin. Brodeur. To. The. Rescue.

The inevitable chatter’s already started about the New Jersey Devils legend and current unrestricted free agent getting the shot he’s been waiting for, i.e. an injury to a starter in the NHL.

Let’s be honest: This would be awesome, from a narrative standpoint.

Brodeur, in likely his last season, playing for the man whose records he shattered. Patrick Roy, in need of a goalie, turning to that former rival, as one of the few people who might understand Brodeur’s unending desire to cling to an NHL career.

Martin Brodeur, playing for Patrick Roy’s team.

I mean, you can’t script this [expletive] any better.

Which of course means it won’t happen, because every great hockey fable we write in our minds is crushed by the weight of reality. Consider:

* Varlamov is only out for a week, with Roy having said that his groin simply hadn’t responded to treatment. Could this become something more systemic? Perhaps. But it’s not like this is a matter of months for Varly, which is the sort of situation one envisioned for a Brodeur signing.

* The Avalanche have been more than comfortable not having a veteran backup for Varlamov, and frankly might not want that long shadow of Brodeur being cast over him.

* Stylistically, it’s not exactly a good fit. The Avalanche defense sells shots on goal in bulk. Brodeur has always been at his best when facing limited shots; his mental toughness and focus, rather than a Hasek-ian ability to flop around, as always been his forte. Now that he’s 42 and his agility isn’t even what it used to be two seasons ago, this could be disasterous. Although Brodeur’s puck-handling skills would be an asset in bailing out that blue line and assisting in the team’s breakout offense.

* Last, and perhaps not least: Brodeur and goalie coach Francois Allaire are on opposite ends of goaltending philosophy. He famously rejected Allaire’s butterfly style as a young goalie, actually walking out on Allaire’s school as a teenager. This isn’t to say they don’t get along now – and frankly, it’s not like Allaire’s going to teach this dog any new tricks. But their past is a vital part of this speculation when you consider how well Allaire worked with another goalie on the open market: Ilya Bryzgalov, who had a better season than Brodeur did last season.

As did Tim Thomas. As would have Tomas Vokoun had he not been injured. They’re available, too.

So this might not be the best fit. Nor might it happen at all.

But of all the landing places for Brodeur in all the NHL, is there a better place to bellow his swan song than the Rocky Mountains, trying to win games for the man whose win records he shattered?