Washington, DC—Donald Trump is getting a bump in the polls today after he shoved a baby carriage down a stairwell. The incident left one woman angry and one toddler in cynical condition. Shortly after his presidential debate, Trump, allegedly told a woman she looked like something from a horror movie and then pushed her stroller over a precipice. According to witnesses, The Donald yelled, “Remember the Untouchables?! This is like a reenactment. Get it, you skank?!”

Trump remains unapologetic about the incident and is not backing down from his comments. “I meant what I said. I loved the movie The Untouchables and that woman was kind of a skank. It’s not sexists if it’s true.”

Trump promised an exclusive interview with The Discord, provided our PhotoShoppers create an image of Megyn Kelly licking his boots. “Throw Ann Coulter in there somewhere too,” requested Trump. “Whatever she’s doing make it hot. Make it real hot.”

Many are wondering what kind of misstep could actually derail the Trump campaign. Thus far he seems wholly immune to any gaffe, rant or blunder. “I really thought what he did last week to that nun or to those Girl Scouts would have hurt him,” said The Discord’s own Cokie McGrath. “Trump’s argument the nun was ‘like that when I found her’ is highly unlikely and conflicts with forensic evidence.”

Trump responded, “Nonsense, that nun had it coming and, whereas I admire the young ladies’ entrepreneurial spirit, I taught them a valuable lesson about product security. That’s the way the cookie crumbles, right girls?”

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