Wow, what a great audience. Has anyone heard the one about the Austrians and their stalled car? OK. What do you call four Austrians gathered around a broken down car with the hood up? A wine tasting!! Ha! <tap, tap, tap> Is this thing on?

So I see you don’t get the Austrian wine joke. Let me provide a bit of background on Austria’s infamous wine debacle of 1985. A group of winemaking “middlemen” decided to add a little something called diethylene glycol to their wine. Diethylene glycol is essentially antifreeze. Oh, and it tastes sweet too. And it’s, umm, also kind of toxic. The scheming winemakers added small amounts of this chemical to sweeten their wine in an attempt to increase its appeal. Inexplicably, one of them claimed his portion of antifreeze costs as a deducted business expense on his tax return. Fortunately for potential customers, the scam was quickly discovered and halted. Alas, this also signaled the end of many a wine comedian’s material.

Nowadays it’s damn near impossible to joke about Austrian wine. The noble and honest Austrian wine producers used the ’85 embarrassment as a catalyst to develop some of the world’s most stringent wine laws. Additionally, many prominent Austrian vintners modeled their work after master wine makers in France and Germany. As a result, wine from the land of Mozart is now considered a classic in many circles.

Austrian wines are more “groovy” than classic. By groovy, I mean “Grüner Veltliner,” which is the name of Austria’s very own native wine grape. And since many wine drinkers can’t seem to get the pronunciation straight (say it with me now: groo-nur felt-leen-er), it is commonly referred to as, “Gru-V” or “groovy.” Gru-V produces wine that is best described as Riesling with a lime twist and dash of pepper. In the mouth, it is spicy and tangy rather than sweet. Yet, there remains a fruity-floral bouquet that tickles the nose. Gru-V isn’t cheap. Prices usually start at $20 and climb steeply from there. However, Gru-V is quite dependable; Austria’s climate is ideal for this grape, and the wine is consistently made at a high level of quality (lest there be any more Austrian wine jokes). Höpler produces an entry level Gru-V for around twelve dollars (Höpler Grüner Veltliner, ’03). For twenty dollars, Loimer offers a terrific Gru-V (Loimer Grüner Veltliner Langenlois, ’03). Now, if you’re willing to peel off another few bills, you can delve into Austria’s world of stylized wine.