BELFAST—Citing a spike in customer satisfaction, Aer Lingus will expand its portfolio of available lingus services for its transatlantic flights in coming weeks. “CSat is crucial for an industry as competitive as air travel and to us this seemed like an easy way for us to distinguish ourselves from our rivals”, an unnamed spokesman explained. “Our customers appreciate the attention to detail we provide in our air travel service”, the spokesman continued, “so it was logical to apply this philosophy to our other areas of lingus expertise and leverage it as an additional business opportunity.”

“Sure, this requires some upfront investment in additional staffing costs,” the spokesman added, “but in the long run we’re confident that our cunning initiative will payoff.”

In a retaliatory response to this campaign, Bangkok airlines pledged it would bang harder, and Virgin Airlines promised to relax its standards on who it admits on its flights.

Male passengers need not be jealous. The Aer Lingus spokesman said male passenger satisfaction will be the focus next year with the the rollout of their planned “Dip Your Gatwick” campaign.