WICHITA, KS—Searching for something to take his attention off the uncomfortable domestic dispute occurring just a few feet away, a local 6-month-old fetus reportedly decided Monday to pretend he couldn’t hear the loud argument coming from the other side of the uterine wall. “God, they’re starting in even earlier than normal tonight; I guess I’ll just try to tune it out like usual,” said the 27-week-old, adding that the nearby couple, who he noted are “clearly working through some serious issues,” tend to noisily bicker until well past midnight. “I’m just going to focus on listening to my mom’s heartbeat for a while and try to keep my mind off all the shouting by clenching and unclenching my hands a bit. But if they haven’t settled down in a half hour or so, I might have to start pounding on the wall.” The second-trimester fetus added that, given how often he’s heard the couple’s heated arguments, it would definitely be awkward if he ever meets them.

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