Los Angeles is a big city full of snarled traffic, bad pollen and gray haze that draws on you like a tight sweater. I have to drive through this cesspool of waste but sometimes, with a cute girl by your side, its not so bad. Besides that though, there are places I like to drive for odd and end reasons. Here’s my favorite 10.

101 South past downtown

As you make your way up to the 10 east and 5 South split, there is a strong aroma of bread baking despite all the car exhaust and factory pollution. There must be a bakery right underneath because regardless of the day or time, you can always smell the reminder of your mom’s kitchen while driving up the incline.

Burbank Airport

Whenever clients need to be picked up from the airport, I breath a sigh of relief because the Burbank airport (unlike LAX) only has 2 gates so pull up and pick up is quick and easy. I only got harassed once by security thinking I was an uber driver because a beautiful young black girl came into my car. No asshole, biscotti isn’t the only dessert that gets dipped into coffee, almond cookies too.

5 North in Orange County on Saturday night

No one likes to drive behind the “Orange Curtain” but if I’m lucky, I’ll drive right by Angel stadium on a Saturday night (during baseball season) when fireworks go off after the game. Its pretty spectacular driving right through the cascade of flares and flashes. Its the closest I’ll ever be to flying an x-wing fighter at the Deathstar.



Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood

The valets are super nice and I think they know what I do especially since one hour later, I’m back to pick up the guest I just dropped off. And she’s wearing the exact same thing with maybe a small smudge on her make up.

Beverly Hills

Normally I avoid this place because at what point would I ever need to buy $2,000.00 shoes. Like never. But if I’m taking a client here, they’re usually shopping and I get to keep them company. I look out of place in my gym shorts and $5 dollar tee shirt from Target but guess what, when I ring the doorbell to their fancy store, they still have to open it when they see my client behind me willing to drop serious paper.

Long drives at night

Work is done, everyone is unwinding. And then they tell me everything including their clients - who likes a stick up their ass, ex boyfriends - they stole your rent money? What a surprise, frenemies - oh, I hate that outfit I have to wear for him. I probably know everything about everybody in the city. The only thing I don’t know…The DVDASA show. Ironically, I know nothing about whats going on.

110 North

Once you past downtown, the freeway has soft curves amid trees, parks and old Victorian houses if you squint hard enough. The traffic is usually tepid so you can go at a moderate pace while pretending to be Racer X. The on ramps are weird though. From a stand still, you have to get up to freeway speed within 5 feet or fear of getting rear ended. And not the good kind.

San Diego

After getting cancelled on by a client after having driven their to pick her up, I no longer offer rides there. But I do have exceptions and usually good things come out of that like going to comic con, seeing Asa get her beautiful body get casted or seeing my ex krush.

Trader Joe’s on LaBrea

Because I get to do my own grocery shopping while waiting for my client. The fresh basil is cheap and its nice to fantasize about the Hasidic Jews who shop there in their long wool skirts and stockings.