(Ed. Note: As the Stanley Cup Playoffs continue, we're bound to lose some friends along the journey. We've asked for these losers, gone but not forgotten, to be eulogized by the people who knew the teams best: The bloggers who hated them the most. Here is Jared Dobias of Battle of California, an Anaheim Ducks blogger, on the 2014-15 Winnipeg Jets. Again, this was not written by us. Also: This is a roast and you will be offended by it, so don't take it so seriously.)

By Jared Dobias/Battle of California Managing Editor & Ducks Blogger

Hello, esteemed Yahoo! readers. I’ll try to use small words to make this easier on you.

Let’s take some time to say goodbye to the 2014-15 Atlanta Thrashers Winnipeg Jets, a franchise that has yet to win a single playoff game in their storied history dating all the way back to 1999. I’m as surprised as anyone that a team backstopped by goaltending elite Ondrej Pavelec got swept out of the first round!

There’s been a lot of talk in hockey media these past few days about the Jets’ passionate fanbase, and I for one am happy that fans of southern expansion teams are finally getting the recognition they deserve.

It’s not easy drudging up enough delusion day after day to support a lackluster team and to make a building with poor acoustics sound really loud. Impressive! Of course, they’ve wasted no time channeling that passion into scapegoating Dustin Byfuglien, for no other reason than his poor play, I’m sure (isn’t that right, Evander Kane?).

Speaking of the fanbase, there was some talk early on about a shared camaraderie among the Anaheim Ducks’ and Jets’ fanbases, bonded by their mutual respect for Teemu Selanne. But let’s get one thing clear: Teemu Selanne has nothing to with today’s faux Winnipeg Jets.

Teemu Selanne does not care about Winnipeg.

Being traded to Anaheim and out of the Manitoban hellscape was, in his own words, “the best thing to ever happen” him.

Of course it was the best thing to ever happen to him! Who wouldn’t prefer Southern California to Winnipeg? I’m not even saying this as a compliment to Southern California, because even a toilet bowl is preferable to Winnipeg.

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Selanne has put down roots in Anaheim, and he has never looked backwards toward Winnipeg. The actual Winnipeg Jets franchise and rightful owners of Selanne’s rookie legacy, the Arizona Coyotes, surely are much less of an embarrassment to Teemu than modern day Winnipeg. Number 8 (and historically number 13, for you Thrashers fans whose hockey history doesn’t go back that far) is in no way sentimental about your team, your city, or the Winnipeg mole-people themselves.

The real former All-Star and power-play sniper who connects these two franchises is Dany Heatley, not Selanne.

Way to go, Faux Jets, Dany Heatley is your legacy.

Enough about proud Southern-Californian Teemu Selanne, let’s talk about Winnipeggers. I know it’s poor form to take potshots at the fans as opposed to the team, but as the third star of Wednesday night’s game, I figure you’re all fair game now considering you’re apparently a part of the team (and perhaps management can trade all of you idiots for some actual on-ice talent).

“Fans, thank you for overpaying to show up to a game in a city with nothing else at all going on, ever… We appreciate your ability to get drunk and be loud. As a token of our appreciation, please accept this third star.”

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