Is the art of headline creation really dead? As Contently senior editor Jordan Teicher writes in his feature story on headlines, “What was once a creative art has become a science concerned with maximizing engagement by any means necessary.”

That’s obvious to anyone who reads the Internet. But what happens if you take that perspective and apply it to the sacred literary canon?

On a rainy Thursday morning, Contently’s editorial staff cleared our calendars for an hour to dive down the rabbit hole of sensationalism. What we did wouldn’t make any of our old English teachers proud: We retitled 13 classic works of literature and did our best to rid of them of all prestige.

What happens next probably won’t shock you, but at the very least, it could be a fun way to spend five minutes.

1. The Catcher in the Rye

2. The Great Gatsby

3. The Sun Also Rises

4. Pride and Prejudice

5. The Old Testament

6. Romeo and Juliet

7. Moby Dick

8. Lord of the Flies

9. Of Mice and Men

10. Anna Karenina

11. Slaughterhouse-Five

12. To Kill a Mockingbird

13. The Metamorphosis