Part of the campaign:

Howdy dickheads and welcome to part 8 of the Civ Hybrid Games. Narration extraordinaire back at it again for another exciting episode of Stalemate Simulator 2k18



We open to see the city of “I’m not going to try and spell that” under siege by Norway’s bigly siege towers. Inb4 Norway makes absolutely 0 ground.

The Geats apparently got a city from S-H or something? Omegalul at the Novgorod city in the middle of Sweden. I hope S-H has fun taking all of the peninsula unopposed.

My beautiful Poland, cutting itself to pieces and throwing itself under the bus. There’s no real salvaging it now, but I will endeavour to save this beautiful country from its evil leadership. FREEDOM IS NON NEGOTIABLE

The flood of actually good Finnish units looks set to romp into Litva. Also of note is the graphical glitch with the former Horde city of VL, now lovingly named “F U Litva”

>>>>>>>>>Dagobah (also note the 3 Triremes near Tyylanti)

The fight looks set to begin.

NORWAY MAKING GROUND BOIS

FALSE ALARM. NORWEGIAN AI IS RETARDED

“Fuck fighting Litva, we’re going on vacation to Pskov”

MIGHTY HORDE NAVY REPELLING EVIL FINNS

The three triremes are going to flip the city lmaoo

BACK IN NORWEGIAN HANDS. WELCOME TO BALTIC PING PONG

Lmao they’re actually just gunning for Pskov.

WILL THE TRIREMES TAKE THE CITY?

It really is just ping pong up here. I wonder if that flank to the left is actually going to do anything.

The triremes actually did it. The legends.

WE NEED TO BUILD A WALL

As the centre pushes, the right looks set to fall.

Litva having a good go of it.

Despite how funny the trireme flip was, I have no faith in their ability to hold it.

Norwegian AI with the IQ below room temperature.

Litva not going to make ground, but they’re giving it a good go.

The Finnish navy having a good go at this invasion thing.

“Let’s just pile onto some boats instead of doing this war thing” -Norwegian army.

Yeah I can see this front doing a whole lot of nothing.

Norway decides a renewed offensive is a good plan. It might be.

The fighting is thick. No side gaining much of an advantage.

Disgusting temple wonder. ewwww

This city is doomed.

Yeah that’s it for this front tbh.

There was a Finnish navy here. Was.

Boring now tbh.

The Norwegian AI needs to be fired.

I see nothing of note here.

GEDIMINIAS ANNOUNCES SHITTY TEMPLE WONDER 2

Dagobah boutta be fucked by the big dick of the Litvan Navy.

Big RIP for that city up there. It will return to Finnish hands.

WHOLE LOTTA NOTHING

o7 meme city that got flipped.

I’m surprised the Navy is this coordinated.

Spoilers: That’s actually an embarked settler and not the Litvan UU

Norway trying, Norway failing. Though the Geats aren’t pushing either, so uh. RIP I guess.

Novgorod? More like NovogoRIP

Go go settlerino.

Yeah I see nothing happening here until next part.

That’s actually a big navy.

No sooner than the city being settled is it attacked. Of course.

Oh damn, Geats retaking their clay.

Litva taking the shitty Novgorod meme island.

Lyda flips.

Dagobah about to flip.

Lyda about to flip back.

Dagobah flips.

FU LITVA STARVES.

Finnish Navy trying to take Dagobah. I don’t like their chances.

Lyda not actually flipping as troops mass around Inkeri.

The Navy scatters. Finland has a good go. I don’t like their chances.

Inkeri troops go AWOL

Just to recap: WHOLE LOTTA NOTHING. It’s only stats and cores from here on in and I’m not the PR guy so I’ll probably catch you guys around next week, where something interesting might actually happen. Until then, I’m ya boi Supe and I’ll see y’all in the next one.