Who does America want to win the Super Bowl? Oh, sure, little clusters around the country want their home team to pull out the W, but if the group of 49ers or Giants or Bengals or Ravens fans can’t see their teams win, which team would be the least painful to see hoisting the Lombardi trophy?

We looked at 22 contenders for the Super Bowl, most of which have little-to-no chance of winning it all, but since anything is possible (or so Kevin Garnett tells me) we listed all 22. So, without further adieu, which team does America want to see win the Super Bowl?

Not even if you paid us

22. New England Patriots (7-0)

21. Seattle Seahawks (4-4)

20. Pittsburgh Steelers (4-4)

19. New York Giants (4-4)

The only thing worse than the thought of “five-time Super Bowl winner Bill Belichick” is “three-time Super Bowl winner Eli Manning.” We’ve seen all these movies before, they’ve been quite exciting, but we all know the sequels have a law of diminishing returns.

Apathy. Pure and utter apathy.

18. Cincinnati Bengals (7-0)

17. Kansas City Chiefs (3-5)

16. Minnesota Vikings (5-2)

15. Atlanta Falcons (6-2)

There are two AFC teams on this list and two NFC teams. Here’s each potential matchup: Cincinnati vs. Minnesota, Cincinnati vs. Atlanta, Kansas City vs. Minnesota, Kansas City vs. Atlanta. Those aren’t games you’d want to watch in any time slot in any week. The NFL should flex these games to PrimeStar (the defunct satellite company). If any of those four were the Super Bowl matchups, companies would be pulling their beer commercials and Captain America: Civil War or Finding Dory previews and trying to get them prime placement on the Puppy Bowl. Yeah, you’d think Cincinnati would be intriguing for its shot at redemption. But, no, when you’re on your fifth straight try and haven’t won a playoff game since 1990, you don’t become lovable losers like the Cubs, you become just regular losers nobody wants to watch on television.

Rooting against them simply for schadenfredude

14. Philadelphia Eagles (3-4)

13. New Orleans Saints (4-4)

12. Indianapolis Colts (3-5)

11. Washington Redskins (3-4)

Saints: cheaters. Colts: narcs. Redskins: Dan Snyder or the name — take your pick. Eagles: Never won a Super Bowl, good ammunition to keep in back pocket with the always-overconfident Philly fan, and, come on, do we want to see Chip Kelly’s smug smile upon winning that thing?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

10. St. Louis Rams (4-3)

9. Oakland Raiders (4-3)

8. Miami Dolphins (3-4)

It’s fun when the Raiders are good at football, but it’s been so long we forgot what that’s like. The Rams are the ultimate “shrug emoji” team. You don’t really care enough about them to not want them to win the Super Bowl, but you don’t really care enough about them to want them to win the Super Bowl. As for the Dolphins, who are still not out of it yet, seeing a resurgence under an interim coach would be pretty cool, though having to stare at those awful helmets for two weeks in late-January would make for an eyesore.

The seven teams America wants to win the Super Bowl

7. New York Jets (4-3)

6. Carolina Panthers (7-0)

5. Arizona Cardinals (6-2)

4. Buffalo Bills (3-4)

3.Dallas Cowboys (2-5)

2. Green Bay Packers (6-1)

1. Denver Broncos (7-0)

Normally New York teams are treated by America with the love and warmth that New Yorkers treat Americans visiting their city. But given that the Jets are the city’s underdog, playing under a rookie head coach, with a Civil-War-bearded Harvard grad and the 47 years of depression that comes from being a Jets fan, it’d be cool for America to see the first Super Bowl since Namath. Carolina is always fun to watch, with its occasionally great offense, tremendous defense and Riverboat Ron. Watching Kurt Warner try and get a late-career Super Bowl in Arizona was great fun a few years back, so why wouldn’t it be the same with Carson Palmer? The Bills are just due — due for something.

And then there’s the Cowboys. I, upon deciding to make this list (and you, upon deciding to read it), figured Dallas would be closer to New England. Or maybe even behind ’em. But then I got to thinking: A lot of people like Dallas, which obviously boosts their popularity. And with a lot of likes comes a lot of hate, so Dallas should be in the middle, right? Not so fast. There’s a long-held theory of mine that we prefer seeing the teams we dislike the most fail on the biggest possible stage. Therefore, the Cowboys going 2-14 is just slightly enjoyable, while the Cowboys losing on a disputed catch in the divisional playoffs is delicious. And losing in the Super Bowl would have to be sublime. Sure you bring in the chance that they win, but is that even horrible? Dallas winning would be a rallying point for all Cowboys haters and give them a reason to truly loathe Jerry Jones and Big D again. Now, rooting against Dallas is rooting against laundry. They’re basically the Vikings, only without a recent NFC championship game appearance. But a good Dallas means it’s like the good ol’ days and rooting against the ‘Boys is one of the great thrills of being a football fan.

As for our final two: Green Bay is completely non-threatening and you get the sense a Super Bowl win to that city is more important than a Super Bowl win to any other. And we end with Denver, the team America wants to win the Super Bowl more than any other. Send Peyton Manning out on top, tie him for Super Bowls with his kid brother (nobody wants to hear that stat for 50 more years) and hopefully inspire Nationwide to come up with some new ads that don’t include chicken parm. Win, win, win.