All I have to say is, I wished I had watched it sooner.

(just kidding I have way more to say)

I don’t really know where to start, so this post will probably be rambly.

It’s hard for me to believe that a story about 5 high school girls could have such an impact on me as a 19-year-old guy. But it’s also not hard for me to believe it because it’s not just “a story about 5 high school girls”. It’s a perfect portrayal of deep relationships people can have. It’s a story about the growth of friendships and how so many little things can add up to an experience that could never be recreated again. It’s the story of a group of friends having the best time a person can have and ultimately accepting the fact that this time in their life is over and they will be moving on.

It hit me emotionally harder than anything I have ever encountered in my life. It reminded me of my high school experiences or, more accurately, the lack thereof. I haven’t had a bad life so far, my parents did the best the could with what they had. I never had issues with school and rarely got into trouble. I’ve had friends come and go and even now I have good friends, but where the show hit me was with how deep their connection goes. Even though the anime ends with graduation, you know that these girls will continue to have strong friendship for the rest of their lives. And while their relationship is probably unrealistic I feel like I’ve never had anything close to that kind connection with anyone, not even my parents. It’s not anyone else’s fault but my own though. I’ve never been able to form lasting connections with others, mostly due to my extreme antisocial tendencies and ability to shut people out.

It reminded me of all the things I didn’t do in high school. I didn’t find a place where I truly belonged. I didn’t find any passions or get to share them with others. Again no one else’s fault but my own. From the beginning, people said to find something to be a part of, but I didn’t. I just sat there for 4 years hoping for something to come along, but it didn’t, and then it was over. 4 years of my life sitting, hoping someone or something would come along and give me purpose. 4 years wasted.

But it’s not all grim and gloom for me. I had a false start at my local university because I was still in my high school mindset and I took a semester off to try and figure out what the hell happened. I’m still not entirely sure, the best answer I have is “it didn’t feel right”. But I started a 2-year program at a nearby community college, and I can safely say that it feels like I’m doing it mostly right this time. I can confidently say that I’m in a better place now.

Even though I just finished K-on yesterday it has been a rollercoaster of emotions. I couldn’t stop crying and I didn’t know why. I couldn’t identify what, but it felt like I had been punched in the gut. All the things I just mentioned came flooding back and I could feel all the hate and self-loathing coming back. I could feel myself slipping back into that mindset. But I had to remind myself that K-ON is not supposed to make me feel that way. I’m supposed to be happy for them and how far they had come no matter how much it hurt to see “The End” because it’s not the end and high school was not the end for me. I hope to one day be able to bring such emotions to others as K-ON did for me.

Whew, Ok. Deep breath. That took a lot for me to write. I teared up a few times writing it.

K-ON!! is now my favorite anime and probably will be for a long time. Here’s my list if you want a glimpse of what else I’ve watched: https://myanimelist.net/animelist/Vingy?status=7&order=4&order2=0 A lot of those 9’s used to be 10’s and while all of them are amazing in their own way I couldn’t reconcile having them the same score as K-ON!!

If you’ve read this far I’d like to thank you for sitting through my emotional ramblings and hope you have a wonderful life.

TL;DR: Watched K-ON!!, Cryed, Felt bad then felt better than before.