I was first prescribed antidepressants for chronic, low-level depression in 2013. That doesn’t make me special; Harvard Health Publishing estimates that 1 in 10 women ages 18 and over are on antidepressants, and women are twice as likely as men to take antidepressant medication, according to national survey data released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

For a while I took my pills religiously. Then I just…stopped. Every so often I’d notice the edginess and despondency that meant my depression was in a full-blown downward spiral, and I’d remember, Hey, I have something to help with that. But despite proof that they worked (I do feel better when taking them), I never seem to be able to make taking these meds a habit.

My apathy over taking my antidepressants is also not uncommon, apparently. Research shows that nearly a quarter of antidepressant prescriptions are never filled and 30 to 60 percent of all patients commencing treatment with antidepressants stop taking the medication within the first 12 weeks. Women are less likely to adhere to their prescriptions than men.

These meds are presumably prescribed for a reason—personally, I find that taking them relieves the anxiety and melancholy that can at times be paralyzing. So why aren’t women like me following through?

“I was convinced I could use sheer willpower to conquer it.”

Niki C., 38, was first prescribed antidepressants for anxiety, OCD, and ADHD; since then she’s been prescribed antidepressants three more times. But she’s always made the decision not to take the meds almost as soon as they were prescribed—in some cases, her mind was already made up when the doctor was handing her the Rx; in others, she changed her mind immediately after filling the script.

“I was convinced I could use cognitive behavioral therapy [a common type of talk therapy] and sheer willpower to conquer it,” Niki says. “I worried that, as I stopped taking the meds, the symptoms would come rushing back, and by relying on medication I would never really recover.” In most instances Niki didn’t bother discussing her decision with her doctor (when she did, they advised her to stay in touch and reach out if she changed her mind).

Talk therapy is really effective at treating depression for some people, says Maureen Sayres Van Niel, a psychiatrist in Cambridge, Massachusetts, and president of the American Psychiatric Association Women's Caucus. “There's a continuum of treatments for all people with depression that starts with lifestyle changes, including things like meditation, following a healthy diet, and talk therapy,” she explains.

The truth is, most doctors try to avoid using medication if it's not necessary, Sayres Van Niel says. But having a therapeutic relationship with a doctor to handle those emotional ups and downs—and the correct response to them—is especially vital. “Occasionally I doubt my decision,” Niki says. Her emotional state hasn’t changed much since she opted out of taking her meds, but the fact that antidepressants are there as a safety net is enough for her. “I know I can always get another prescription if I need to, and that there’s help for me if I need it,” she says.

“I told myself I didn't need it.”

When Brita F., 32, was first diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and low-level depression after experiencing panic attacks in college, she stuck with her prescription for only a summer. “Then I convinced myself that I didn’t need it,” she says. “I thought, I feel better now, so I’ll just be better.” But subsequent panic attacks forced her to get back on the medication.