Justin Bieber broke down in tears describing the challenges he’s faced in the last couple of years and the people who helped him get through it.

At a playback of his forthcoming album held at Village Recorders in West Los Angeles during the heart of Grammy week, Bieber got emotional and started crying recalling the immense depression he suffered as he entered adulthood. “I don’t even think I should be alive never mind thrive,” he said in front of a crowd of a couple hundred.

Bieber went on to thank his manager Scooter Braun. “You walked with me through a lot of sh-t,” he said holding back tears, to no avail.

Recalling having “grown up in the industry” and being “hurt by the industry” and “the people” who work in it. Though unspecific about what he meant, he added that he was unsure who to turn to or who to trust during those challenging times.

Bieber credited God with helping him through the dark times. “There’s power in weakness,” he said, his voice quivering. His creative work, added Bieber, is “a reflection of that … thank you for loving me at my worst.”

The singer, whose multi-part YouTube documentary premieres on Jan. 27, thanked his wife Hailey who shares the spotlight with him in the series. “I love you with all my heart … and I’m so proud of us,” Bieber said.

“I’ve gotta get it together,” he cracked, adding, “I’m gonna go shoot myself.” (Bieber made sure to emphasize that it was a joke).

Bieber also took the time to specifically thank those close to him, which, in addition to Braun included SB Projects’ Allison Kaye, songwriter Poo Bear and photographer Alfredo Flores (Bieber cracked “even though you’re on the road cheating on me with Ariana Grande, that’s fine”). “I’m just so grateful.”

Things lightened up as the music got going, with Bieber messing around with a hockey stick as people listened attentively to the album taking note of the R&B influence that can be heard throughout the new songs.

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