“Anything but spiders,” said Ron Weasley.

Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, recently announced that the school was in talks to receive an Atom bomb from the United States government ahead of Harry Potter’s fifth year.

“We wanted to mix it up a bit,” said Dumbledore. “In years past we’ve brought in werewolves as teachers or thrown students into a tournament filled with dragons and sphinxes.

“But the number of deaths was rather abysmal. So we decided to take a more scientific approach.”

Dumbledore also said that school officials were worried about the excitement level with the dwindling numbers of sorcerer’s stones and escaped prisoners intent on killing students. He believes the Atom bomb — which has been imbued with a “smidgen of instability” — should remedy that.

Teenager Hermione Granger says she’s been refreshing her knowledge of nuclear physics should she and some of her friends have a chance encounter with the bomb.

“It’ll require knowledge of nuclear fission, not nuclear fusion,” she said.

When asked his thoughts on the unstable Atom bomb being brought to Hogwarts, Potter’s reply was succinct.

“I have no idea what an unstable Atom bomb is,” Potter said. “But I’m sure Ron and I can destroy it.”