Serious talk time, fanbitches. So “gay marriage” is a major hot-button issue, garnering a fair degree of media attention. I, personally, find the idea of “gay marriage” to be inherently offensive.

You see, to a gay individual, it’s not a gay marriage. It’s a marriage. Gay people don’t eat gay lunch or go to gay college or work gay jobs or pay gay utility bills.

Well, maybe some gay people work gay jobs. Like gay prostitutes. But that’s besides the point.

Point being: gay marriage is offensive. It offends American values; it corrupts our children’s view of the marital institution. To truly demonstrate the liberty, equality, and tolerance on which America prides itself, national legislation on marriage equality must be passed.

I’m against GAY marriage, but homosexuals should have every right to marry. If 10% of the American population identifies as gay (a statistic that is widely debated, but let’s just roll with it), then that means we could be attending up to 5% more weddings! And who doesn’t love a good wedding? There’s booze!

Moral of the story: marriage equality = more parties = good times, fanbitches!