Overcoming Shyness: An Easy Solution For You

“Just because you don’t say much doesn’t mean people don’t notice you. It’s actually the quiet ones who often draw the most attention. There’s this constant whirlwind of motion and sound all around, and then there’s the quiet one, the eye of the storm.”

― Amy Efaw, After

Overcoming shyness has never really been an area that was easy to handle. You ever wanted the courage to get up and talk to that cute girl standing alone at the mall? You ever just wanted to be the life of the party and not appear to be a mute who can’t communicate?

I’ve had plenty of moments where shyness had overruled me and I still come across some moments where shyness takes over. But one of the main techniques I’ve learned to deal with it is to simply acknowledge it.

“Is that it? You’re a freaking jerk! That’s such an obvious answer!”

Of course that isn’t all I have to say. Don’t attack me just yet. Whether you’re the CEO of Microsoft, Leonardo DiCaprio, or me, everyone deals with shyness to some degree because it’s a natural emotion such as fear and anger. What only makes the clear difference is how each of us approach that irritating shy mouse in our heads.

Without properly managing your shy mouse, it manipulates your thoughts and then your feelings towards another person or situation. You get scared that you’ll be rejected and be made fun of once you make yourself vulnerable in front of them.

This fear of embarrassment is perhaps the main reason people hold themselves back from many opportunities. It’s embarrassment that cause no one to raise their hand whenever the teacher ask if anyone have any questions but no one doesn’t want to appear to be stupid.

I used to be afraid of saying the wrong thing to people constantly. It was like my head was planning for war before I even began a conversation. But that was when I realized life is too irritating trying to please everyone and being the person they want me to be. And that’s where shyness hurts us the most. We’re worried that our true selves aren’t good enough for someone and that they’ll reject us.

But ask yourself this question. When you want to speak to someone you’re generally interested in, are your intentions set in the wrong place? Do you want to hurt them physically or emotionally? If no, then there’s no reason to be afraid to tell them what’s on your mind. You’re not perfect and you can’t expect people to think of you that way either.

If you see someone eating something that you have no idea of, don’t be afraid to approach and ask them about it. Sure, that person might be momentarily dazed that a random stranger approached them to ask about their sandwich, but it’ll only remain awkward if you make it that way with stutters and uncertainties.

When you’re no longer in the state of trying to figure out what mask to put on in front of someone, it makes conversations and your approaches much easier. You’re relying on what’s in your head and your own curiosities rather than your assumptions of what someone might think of you.

And let’s say that person doesn’t like you, or your personality? Is that really the type of person you want in your life? Someone who’ll smile at your face but talk trash about you behind your back. The best part of revealing who you really are to someone is knowing they’re accepting you for YOU.

Methods to overcome your shyness also rely on the situation you’re handling. Some people may find it easy to interact with a group of random strangers at a party but get petrified when alone with a pretty girl. Some people might find it easier speaking to a girl alone but dumb founded when other people show up.

In either case, the best method that works for me is to always incorporate a fun conversation without any future intentions. Don’t think how this conversation will determine if she’ll be your girlfriend or future wife. Think about what she enjoys doing on her days off and if she actually has a personality you can play with.

Don’t think on what you can gain from a conversation or interaction with someone. Think of ways you can make their life easier whether it’s putting a smile on their face or giving them some useful life advice. Putting a smile on another person’s face is a powerful emotional trigger for both party members. When you think in terms of giving, it shifts your selfish thoughts to more friendly ones.

Remember, shyness is a normal response to encounter and many people feel a level of it sooner or later in their lives. It particularly happens whenever you’re confronted with another circumstance you’re not comfortable with.

For example, one of the biggest ways shyness affect people is when it comes to approaching random strangers. They’re afraid of revealing their true emotions and being criticized for doing something silly and forever being labeled as that person. The last thing you want to do is say the wrong thing to someone who doesn’t know your name and forever be known as “That Guy.”

Nevertheless, shyness can be useful from a mental perspective in light of the fact that it permits you to alter and evaluate another circumstance gradually. Its genuine advantage is that it permits you to watch a circumstance without being included in it.

Numerous clinicians studies reveal that extremely shy people normally liked to share their issues and converse with those with similar characteristics. It gives both members another person to relate to and possibly push onto the confident boat together. It’ll be like having a workout partner who supports you at the gym.

One of the best tips for overcoming shyness is to think of ways you can positively impact another person’s life. Put aside your own ego and humble yourself to another person. That way, it subconsciously remove that shy mouse trying to manipulate your thoughts into believing you have to behave a certain way.

In reality, you don’t even have to speak that much in a conversation. People love speaking about themselves because it triggers an emotional sense that’s almost as powerful as drugs. All you have to do is shut up and keep asking them questions about their lives. And if you’d like some detailed instructions on how to do that, check out How to Keep a Conversation Going.

Recognize what triggers your shyness and consciously question why it makes you afraid. If you’re scared of speaking to a group of people because they might think you’re dumb, remind yourself that it’s often not what you say that matters but how you make them feel.

If you say something silly, make a joke out of it and humble yourself in front of everyone. Show that you’re not insecure about who you are and it’ll make everyone around you comfortable.

Remember, if you want to overcome your shyness, don’t take yourself too seriously. Humble yourself and aim to make the person you’re speaking to the center of your world. Help them with their life by simply putting a smile on their face.

It’s easy to give yourself an excuse when you see someone, but for at least one time a day, talk to one person you don’t know and you’ll notice a spark in your confidence by the end of the week.

For more tips on overcoming shyness, check out:

Shyness: What It Is, What To Do About It