I started working at a large Vineyard Church in Columbus, Ohio. I was in my mid-20’s and I thought of myself as spiritually mature simply because large numbers of people would ascribe spiritual authority to me and allow me to have influence in their lives. In many ways, my talent outpaced my character.

After leaving the staff and moving to Los Angeles, I learned very quickly that much of my spiritual maturity was due to my connection to a group of spiritually mature people. Since I was in close proximity to very mature and spiritual people, I assumed that I was mature too.

I quickly discovered that my proximity to spiritual maturity did not make me spiritually mature. On my own, apart from the mature community, I found that I wasn’t nearly as persuasive and thoughtful. People didn’t just stop and listen to me. They didn’t listen to my advice as often. I couldn’t assume that I was a leader who was worth following.

Ultimately, after much anguish, I realized that I needed to develop my own deeper independent connection to God and not ride the coat tails of others. It’s far too easy to think I was growing and maturing when I really wasn’t. The only way to really grow and mature is to walk personally in obedience with God and allow his presence and power to transform me. Existing adjacent from others experiencing the presence and power isn’t enough.

I am finding ways to position myself to hear, learn, and discern God’s voice. Just as a well provides fresh water so too do I need to find fresh sources of hearing from God.

I am also working towards closing the gap between who I say I am and who I actually am when nobody is looking. I call this attribute: authenticity.

Please take time to consider if your spiritual maturity is codependent upon the maturity of your community. If it is, learn from my experience and begin to foster patterns of discerning and responding to God’s voice. Learn to close the gap and become authentic.

Since walking down this difficult road, I find that I am able to be more courageous, take greater risks, stand up for what’s right, and resist anxious behaviors. It was challenging when I started, but I can see not that it was necessary and it was worth it.