After months of lobbying, we here at STOP Masturbation NOW are proud to announce a major victory over the powerful forces of Big Masturbation and enemies of God-given morals everywhere! Praise! The good folks at Merriam-Webster have added the word “Fapstinence” to their dictionary, acknowledging all of the hard work our self-celibacy movement has achieved while striking a devastating blow to those who would lock their bedroom doors on Christ so that they can rape themselves.

God bless some of you!

-Lonnie Childs