For days now pumpkin-headed hot air balloon/reality show star Donald Trump has been braying like a cracked-out donkey that he has some sort of Obama-screwing October surprise that he’d be dropping on us all tomorrow via Twitter and Facebook. “Tomorrow I will be tweeting on only one subject,” the bloated gasbag tweeted earlier today. And about an hour ago he posted the following note to Facebook: “This is not a media event or about Donald J. Trump— this is about the United States of America. I will be making the announcement on Facebook and Twitter tomorrow.”

So what could Trump possibly have on Obama? Definitive proof that Obama is a secret Kenyan with a Koran tattooed over his heart? Sworn testimony of a man who claims to have had sex with Obama finally proving once and for all that the president is GAY GAY GAY? Well, the hot rumor is that he’s got the divorce papers Michelle Obama is rumored to have had drawn up over a decade ago when the first couple went through a rough spot in their marriage.

Reports the Daily Mail:

It is alleged that the eccentric real estate mogul will claim that the documents show the First Lady and the President were at one point in their two decades of marriage seriously considering splitting up. Trump set the hare running on Monday by claiming that he was set to make an announcement on Wednesday that would be ‘bordering on gigantic’ and that it would ‘possibly’ change the Presidential race.

So what kind of effect would having never filed divorce papers have? Probably nothing more than making Obama appear more likeable and sympathetic to most Americans, while also solidifying Donald Trump’s place as one of the worst people on the planet, that’s all. And Obama will laugh at him. Again.

UPDATE: Trump has made his “major announcement” and it’s even more bullsh*tty than you could have imagined. Naturally, Twitter is on fire.