[ Applause ] Now, last weekwe were all reminded that intolerance still existsin our country. It took a very specialyoung student to light up social media. We've invited himto the White House today to show our appreciation. Because never have there beenmore tolerant, more moving words than Kyle Broflovski's speechabout his hero, Caitlyn Jenner. [ Applause ] Come on up here, Kyle. You see? There!This is why it's happening. Everyone's preachingopenness and acceptance, and so now millionsof Goddamn immigrants are coming over the border,and nobody seems to care! But what are you gonna do? In today's world,it's like you can't even say anything negativeabout illegal immigrants. Whoo, whoo, whoo,whoo, whoo! Did somebody over here say"illegal immigrants"? Because the correct termis "undocumented immigrants," all right, bro? It's like nobody cares! And they just keep coming, crossing the borderwith their dirty families, playing their stupid music. I mean, look at 'em! I'll bet not one of themis here legally. All right, guy! Hey, buddy. -Hey, buddy.-Hey, what's going on, friend? Hey, buddy,another Moosehead, eh? We should have put upa Goddamn wall. But wait. There's still more. Because this country was built on dreamers. And, Kyle, we want to makeyour dreams come true. And so here is your hero,Caitlyn Jenner. [ Applause ] I just want to saythank you, Kyle, for your beautiful wordsof support. Now, Kyle, we got anotherlittle surprise for you. We told you we wereflying you back home, but the truth is, you're getting a ride backall the way with your hero. How do you like that? [ Applause ] [ Engine turns over ] Buckle up, buckaroo. [ Applause ]

Okay, children,let's take our seats. As you've probably noticed,our government has decided to let anyone who wants to cross the borderand screw up our country. I know you're all as pissed offas I am, so why don't we begintoday's lesson on why the once-greatempire of Rome fell to shit. Huh? Who can tell mewhy Rome fell to shit? No, somebody who matters. [ Students grunting ] All right, fine.In the yellow shirt. The Roman Empire, buddy,was facing several issues, guy, as it reacheda new millennium, friend -- Oh, speak in English! You see, what happenedis that these immigrants called the Goths were welcomedinto Roman territories because some peoplefelt bad for them. And then the Gothssuddenly decided they were being oppressed,you see? And so, then -- [ Playing Chuck Mangione's"Feels So Good" ] What the hellare you doing? It's 8:00 A.M., guy. [ All playing Chuck Mangione's"Feels So Good" ] That's it! Why don't you Canucksgo back where you came from?! [ Sour note plays ] [ Breathing heavily ] You really think you can referto an undocumented immigrant as a "Canuck"? P.C. Principal, they got upin the middle of my lecture and started playing music. So did you forgetthat at 8:00 and 11:00, all Canadians face eastand play Chuck Mangione, or did you not care to find outabout their religious customs? They -- They don'teven speak English. Then you need to be teachingin both languages from now on. Mackey, sign the faculty up forCanadian-language night classes. What?! Yes, P.C. Principal!R-right away! M'kay. You're on thin ice,Garrison. Get in line,or you'll be out of a job, bro.

What are theydoing now? Well, they're all eatingtogether and praying, and they're putting syrupon their mac and cheese. Ugh! So weird. There's justso many of them. You guys, I think this wholething is a conspiracy. -What do you mean?-Think about what happened. America had pretty secureborders for years. Kyle gives a big speechabout tolerance and acceptance that goes viral. A bunch of Canadianscross the border illegally. Kyle's brotheris Canadian. What if Kyle knowinglygave that speech to getall the illegals in? I'm sitting right here. And he's sittingright here. You really thinkjust my speech brought on a waveof illegal immigration? You did kind ofgo overboard, dude. What? It's just, I know you likegiving speeches and stuff, but not everythingis black and white. Yeah, I mean, it's fineyou want to go preachabout Caitlyn Jenner, but you can't just makeblanket statements about letting anyone dowhatever they want. I didn't evenwant to give that speech! Yeah, yeah.This is interesting. Have you guys readGenesis 34? -Unh-unh.-Well, it's intriguing, because in Genesis 34,the Jews actually did something similarto what Kyle's doing now. I'm not responsiblefor this. Illegal immigrationhas been happening forever. But it's happeninga lot more now, after you decide to give a big speechabout Caitlyn Jenner because you want to bring downthe cultural fabric of America 'cause you're a Jew. You guys, immigrants,either legal or illegal, are always gonna find waysto cross into richer countries -if they're not living ---Oh, boy. -Here we go again.-Yeah, I'm out. Yeah, sorry. I can't listento another one either.

My name is Mr. Stkrdknmibalz[stick your dick in my balls], and we are goingto learn Canadian. With a lot of practice,you're going to find that speaking Canadianisn't so difficult, and in fact, our alphabetand yours are fairly similar. So why don't we beginsinging it together? [ Clears throat ] ♪ A, B, C, D ♪ E, F, Guy ♪ H, I, J, K ♪ L, M, N, O, Buddy ♪ Q, R, S ♪ T, U, Friend ♪ W, X, Eh, and Pbht! ♪ These are Canadian ABCs ♪ Susie likes hairy balls ♪ What do ya think of these? All right, now everyone. ♪ A, B, C, D ♪ E, F, Guy ♪ H, I, J, K ♪ L, M, N, O, Buddy ♪ Q, R, S [ Singing fades out ]

MR. GARRISON:♪ Where has my country gone? ♪ Where has my country gone? ♪ It was a land of opportunitythat we held dear ♪ ♪ But now all these otherassholes are comin' here ♪ ♪ And where's my country gone? ♪ It was just herelike two seconds ago ♪ ♪ 'Cause when they said thatthis was the land of the free ♪ ♪ I'm pretty surethat they were referring to me ♪ ♪ And my country's gone! ♪ It got upset,and now it's wandered away ♪ ♪ It took 43 presidentsto make us stand tall ♪ ♪ And just one black guyto unravel it all ♪ ♪ Country gone! ♪ Please tell itthat we need her back home ♪ ♪ There's a great big holein the liberty bucket ♪ ♪ 'Cause someone forgot to tellthe foreigners to suck it ♪ ♪ And now they're allhanging out on my lawn ♪ [ Trumpets playing ] ♪ And now they're ruiningmy song ♪ ♪ Making it soundlike Chuck Mangione ♪ ♪ Where my country gone? Seems like everyone's afraidto speak the truth around here. Well, I'm throwing my hat in and sayingI'll figure this thing out. Now, I might not understandpolitics or immigration policies or the law or basicideological concepts. But damn it, I understand there's a bunchof Canadians here, and I'm gonna do somethingabout it! [ Applause ]-Whoo-hoo!

In orderfor better understanding, we have asked studentsof Canadian origin to introduce youto their culture and -- Hey, Leslie,shut your [bleep] mouth! -- to introduce youto their culture and customs. So let's give themour undivided attention as they take uson a whirlwind journey through their diverse history. We are the Hopewelland Abenaki, first settlersof Canadian soil, guy. We are French and Britishexplorers, seeking furs and goods. Yeah, and I'm Dan Rather,and I got news for you -- Nobody wants you here! Sorry. Not sorry. It's time for someoneto say it like is and make our countrygreat again. Garrison,what do you think you're -- And I'm also not afraidto stand up to P.C. Principal. You, sir, have a pizza face,and you suck your mom's dick. That's it, Garrison. You are firedfrom South Park Elementary. Oh, see?And now I'm fired. That's the cold, hard truthof immigration. Well, there's onlyone immigration policy that I believe in, and that's[bleep] 'em all to death! [ Students gasp ] I'm just saying what everyone'sthinking here, kids. Sorry. Not sorry.

Dude, the Canadiansare pissed off. Can you reallyblame them? What made Mr. Garrisondo that? Guys, what if this was allexactly what Kyle planned? Get the Canadians here,make them feel persecuted, and then what?Uprisings, rebellion. Next thing you know, they're sending us to campsand using us as livestock. You really thinkKyle would do that? That doesn't matter. We have to think of a wayto smooth this over fast. Yeah, we're gonna needa symbolic union.A what? You know, what's that storyabout the two sides that were fighting,and then a guy from one side got with a girlfrom the other side, and their love sort ofbrought the groups together? "Lion King 2"? Yes, "Lion King 2." I mean, if we can get one of usto go out with one of them, probably have sex, then it could be a symbolof us all getting along. Yeah, it's kind of likewhen a princess of one country marries the princeof another. Oh, come on.This is stupid. You guys,when two groups of people don't understand each other,you can't just try and diffuse -the tensions with ---Is he seriously -- Is he seriouslygiving a speech right now? Is he seriouslygiving a speech right now? This is gonna have to happenpretty fast, so whoever's gonna do it needsto ask a Canadian girl out soon. -1, 2, 3, not it.-Not it. -Not it.-Not it. -Not it.-No, no! Not it! Oh, shit!

Support is growingfor a Colorado man who claims the way to dealwith illegal immigrants is to [bleep] themall to death. We go live to Minnesota. Tom, the political activistis going around the country to get support for his agenda. And, Mr. Garrison,you believe the immigration problemis easy to solve. Yes.[Bleep] them all to death. Let's make this countrygreat again. And when you say,"[Bleep] them all to death," what are you actuallysuggesting be done? I'm suggestingwe round them all up, pull down their pants,and [bleep] them until their spiritsleave their bodies. MAN: USA! And then after we've [bleep]every last one of them to death, we build a big wall. And if anyonecomes over the wall, we [bleep] themto death, too! And thenwe [bleep] to death all -- Uh, Dan? Dan? We are getting word thata wall has already been built. Is that right? Yes? CNN is confirming that Canadahas built a wall to keep us out. What do you mean they built a wall?! They can't builda [bleep] wall! Oh [bleep] themto death! ♪♪

Hey, there! Beautiful day,isn't it? What the hellis this?! Oh, this?This is a wall. Sorry, buddy.Nobody allowed in. Can they do that? Look, we came to speak with your governmentabout the -- Yeah, no, sorry!Everything past here is ours. You can't -- You can't gopast -- past here. We're Americans! We don't evenwant to be over there! What do you thinkwe're gonna do? Well, you know,we just don't want you raping our womenand stuff. That is ridiculous! All right, smart-ass,that's just about enough -- Look, there's just some reallycool shit back here, and we don't feel likesharing it. Cool shit like what? Don't worry about it. No. What's back there?Let me see! It's all right,Garrison. No, Goddamn it!Let me see! [ Indistinct chatter ]

What about that onein the glasses? She's kind of hot. She's not hot. She looks like a messed-upcucumber with wieners on it! All right. How aboutthe lanky one there? Ooh, ooh!What about the one in the hat? She kind of looks likeAlanis Morissette, huh? Alanis Morissette is like80 years old or something! Geez!Okay, B-Butters, relax. Well, I don't wanta Canadian girlfriend, Eric! Okay,you just want a race war? No! The one in the white shoesisn't that ugly. Okay, go [bleep] the onein the white shoes. Okay. Hi. My name is Butters.What's yours? I'm Charlotte. [ Both giggling ] Oh, Charlotte,I've never done this before. You think Scar'sup there? He wasn't my father,but he's still part of me. Oh, no, Simba.We have barely begun. We'll run away togetherand -- and... And start a prideall of our own.

as several political leaderstry and strategize how to deal with being shutout of Canada. If the Canadian governmentwants to put up a wall, they have every right. And yet, we must ask why theythought this to be necessary. No, [bleep] them,and [bleep] you. I want to see if they havereally cool [bleep] back there. What we need is a -- No, you've got a gaping gash,and you've got vinegary balls. The Canadians can't do this! Don't they realize that hundredsof thousands of their people are over here illegally? Oh, you guys didn't put upa wall? And you keep yourGoddamn mouth shut, smart ass! I'll deal with you. [ Cheers and applause ] I get things done,and I'm getting back there! [ Cheers and applause ] Here you go.

I'm sore-y I didn't knowwhat ice cream was. What's sore-y? Well, that's what Canadians sayto express remorse. Oh.H-Hey, that's neato. [ Laughs ] Oh.[ Cellphone ringing ] Hang on, Charlotte,one sec. [ Cellphone beeps ]What do you want? Have you given herthe old Hot Cosby yet? No. We saw a movie,and now we're going to the park. Butters,we don't have time for that. I told you, you have to cutto the chase with a Hot Cosby. If I'm gonna be with this girl,I don't want her someday thinkingit was all super rushed. Nobody caresabout 40 years from now when she suddenly changesher mind, Butters. Time is of the essence!We're all gonna die! [ Cellphone beeps ] Everything all right? Yeah, just somework-related stuff. So, hey,I wanted to see if you wanted come overto my house for dinner tomorrow. [ Gasps ] Oh, boy.Yes, I'd love to. Here we go.Oh, God.

Okay, that's -- that's good. Watch the balls. Okay, all right,give me the helmet. We'll see what they've gotbehind that Goddamn wall. You know what I am,friends? I'm a doer. Yeah!Yeah! That's right! Canada says we can't gointo their country, I'm going into their country! And when I do, I am [bleep] every lastCanadian so hard! [ Cheers and applause ] All right, let's do this. Crowd:USA, USA, USA! USA, USA! USA, USA, USA! USA, US-- Aw, he's dead.

So, young man,I understand that you and my daughterhave started a romance. Well, uh --Well, yes, sir. And I suppose you have a thingfor Canadian girls, huh? Is that it?You've got maple fever? Eh, Daddy! I'm sorry, Charlotte,but I get suspicious. It's bad enough we haveto live in America. Now all the boyswith maple fever are gonna want to haveat our daughter. That's enough, Donald.Wait. You don't want to be here? Why would we wantto be here? Well, you know, 'cause everything is great here,and we have cool stuff. Canada has everything. It's the greatest countryon Earth. But -- so,then why did you leave? [ Sighs ] There were several candidatesduring the Canadian elections. One of them was this brashasshole who just spoke his mind. He didn't really offerany solutions. He just said outrageous things. We thought it was funny. Nobody really thoughthe'd ever be president. It was a joke. But we just let the joke go onfor too long. He kept gaining momentum, and by the timewe were all ready to say, "Okay, let's get serious now. Who should really be president?" He was already being sworninto office. We weren't paying attention. [ Objects crashing ]We weren't paying attention! [ Sobbing hysterically ] Geez.How bad can a president be? If certain people want to leavethis country, then let them! You tell those pussy homosthey can suck my balls! But, Mr. President -- And tellthe prime minister of China that he can suck my balls! Oh, and Johnson --Mr. President? Suck my balls.

I'm sore-yabout my papa. He can be really emotionalsometimes. You don't gotto be sore-y. It's mewho should be sore-y. I think everyone hasthe wrong idea about your people,Charlotte. It's okay. We just haveto give them time. I wasn't supposedto have time. I was supposed to give youa Hot Cosby so our speciescould coexist. But now I realize you guysdon't even want to be here. Oh. So do you want to be here? Now? There's really nowhereI'd rather be. If it's okay with you... I'd like to trya nice Slow Cosby instead. In Canada,we call a Slow Cosby "love." Oh, look! A shooting star. In Canada,we say that's good luck. So do we.

[ Groaning ] ♪♪ [ Wind whistles ] [ Echoing ] Hello? [ Doors slamming ] [ Man sobbing ] Oh, God!Oh, God! [ Sobbing continues ] Hey! Where is everyone,guy? [ Sobbing continues ] [ Screams ] Geez. [ Men Without Hats'"Safety Dance" playing ] ♪♪ ♪ S-A-F-E-T-Y ♪ Safety dance ♪♪ ♪ We can dance if we want to What?! ♪ We can leave -- [ Music stops ]Hey! How did a U.S. citizenget past my wall? I came here to find outwhere my country gone. Where your country gone?Where my country gone! No, where my country gone,bitch! Nobody talks to melike that, buddy! Nobody talks to melike that, fwiend! -Ergh! Yeah?-Stupid -- unh! -Little asshole!-This is why I built that wall! You thinkyou can -- [ Both grunting ] There you go!There you go! [ Grunting ] I came hereto do one thing! Hey, what the --Aah! Hey, that pokes, buddy!Aah! Oh, my God,guy. Please! Please, I can't --Oh! No, please! No! No! [ Inhales deeply ] [ Screaming ] No!