Preamble:

Nerds go farther. They're not the biggest boy in the class, nor the richest or most popular, but Fulham have the smarts and could well become the last English team in Europe. And all because Roy Hodgson is a good coach who has got the best out of good players - you'll hear no whining or slurring from him about injuries (despite Clint Dempsey, amongst others, being out tonight), resources or "typical Germans".

On the subject of Germans, we must of course admit that Wolfsburg are favourites tonight: given how frazzled Brede Hangeland was by the movement of Dzeko in the first leg it is almost impossible to see them failing to score at least once, and they'll probably hit two or three. Hands up who thinks Fulham will bag enough to go through?

Teams:

Wolfsburg: Benaglio; Schafer, Simunek, Josue, Pekarik; Gentner, Riether, Misimovic, Barzagli; Dzeko, Grafite

Subs: Lenz, Martins, Hasebe, Johnson, Dejagah, Schindzielorz, Rever

Fulham: Schwarzer; Kelly, Hangeland, Hughes, Konchesky; Duff, Murphy, Etuhu, Davies; Zamora, Gera.

Subs: Uefa's team-sheet has left this empty, which suggests that Fulham's non-starters have bunked off to a nearby beer house, or Uefa's typist has.

Referee: Viktor Kassai (Hun)

7:46pm: Sorry, all this talk of great Germans sent me wandering through cyberspace and I had to stop to listen to this fair frau because she radiates quirky goodness. In other news, the guardian's fair herr, Jamie Jackson, is in the Wolfsburg Arena and here is what he has to say on the climatic conditions: "Spring evening with a dash of rain here at the stadium," observes JJ. "Perfect conditions for Roy's boys to do their thang."

7:49pm: "Nice pithy parenthetical comment on the ref there," spurts Kenny Smith. "You reckon Wolfsburg have definitely got him in the bag, eh? Typical Germans." Maybe I should have put (Hung), but who knows what sort of interpretation taht could have lead to.

7:52pm: "Eagerly awaiting your MBM today," claims Peter Wahlberg, who a certain Scotsman might advise us to treat with great suspicion, what with his name sounding slightly Teutonic an' all. "I really enjoy the new 'Fulham the last man standing in Europe' meme which started floating around even before this week's disastrous Champions League results. Though I'm not sure about the Roy-Hodgson-as-nerd analogy. I prefer to think of it as the ultimate example of catching more flies with honey than you do with vinegar - and Shaktar, Juve and now Wolfsburg are some very big flies."

7:55pm: ITV are interviewing Roy Hodgson on the pitch and either it was recorded many hours ago or German fans don't arrive for matches until seconds before kick-off, because the stadium is empty, though the sound of someone crooning very loudly in the background can just about be discerned. Is that you, Jamie?

Hodgson said nothing interesting, by the way. Which I guess means I have something in common with one of the Premier League best managers, after all.

8pm: Here at last are the Fulham subs: Zuberbuhler, Kelly, Nevland, Riise, Smalling, Greening, Dikgacoi ... and the first you'll notice is that Kelly appears to be on bench now. There a discrepancy between Uefa's two team-sheets. Guess we'll have to wait till we see the men on the pitch to know whether Baird of Kelly is in fact starting at right back. Or who knows, maybe Davies will play there again?

8:03pm: Well, turns out Baird is starting and Kelly is bench-ridden.

1 min: Fulham get the game in motion.

TOR! Wolfsburg 0-1 Fulham (Zamora 22 seconds!) What a brilliant goal! Gera played a beautiful disguised pass through to Zamora, who outwitted Josue with a sumptuous flick and then curled the ball past the keeper from 16 yards. Wunderbar! Etc and so on.

2 mins: At this point it's worth recalling that England have never won the World Cup without a Bobby in the team ...

4 mins: Wolfsburg try to build down the right but Fulham are buoyant and resolute following that early strike and the Germans can't pick a way past them. The plot thickens ...

5 mins: Ah. There we see the first signs that Hangeland could be in for a rough evening again, and this time it was Grafite who turned past him all too easily, before blasting over from 20 yards.

6 mins: Dzeko sets off on a dash into the heart of Fulham's defence and makes good ground towards the box before three defenders eventually get the better of him.

7 mins: Duffs chips a cross to the back post. Gera does well to meet it but can'\t muster much power - but the keeper makes a meal of it, pushing it around for a corner rather than simply catching it.

8 mins: Etuhu heads wide from a corner.

9 mins: Fulham are impressive on the ball, retaining possession with great composure while simultaneously probing with a degree of menace.

10 mins: Yes, well, that last entry was accurate at the time of going to press ... which was approximately three seconds before Murphy gave the ball away on the edge of his own box, gifting a shooting opporunity to Gentner. Schwarzer pushed the low 20-yard shot behind for a corner.

12 mins: A great escape! Schwarzer spilled a cracking Barzagli volley and Grafite poked in the rebound, but the goal is not awarded because of offside. The correct decision. "How did Hodgson resurrect Damien Duff?" gasps Scott Bassett. "He's been scoring again and playing well all-around. Is he just surrounded by better players or has Hodgson's man management done wonders for him?" Hodgson's influence has certainly been a factor - he helped bring him on at Blackburn way back when, remember - but also the fact that Duff has been injury-free has helped.

14 mins: Fulham defend that corner better, Etuhu heading clear at the near post.

15 mins: "Help!" pleas Scott W. "I can't decide which is more fun: watching Liverpool get knocked out, or watching Fulham go through!" Follow the Fulham game - when are you next going to see them beat them bother the German champions? Whereas you can watch Liverpool get knocked out of Europe for many more years, I suspect ...

17 mins: Another neat move from Fulham culminates with Murphy firing off a shot from 12 yards. Benaglio holds it at the second attempt. "Youre right about England's Bobby-dependency," confirms Chris Rebbeck. "Can you also point out that England have never won a world cup without a Fulham player in the team? (Cohen)"

18 mins: Schwarzer flaps at a corner but is rescued by Etuhu, who nods it clear. Ish. Wolfsburg come storming back. This time Hangeland hammers the ball upfield. "Enjoying the MBM with German TV providing pictures," brags Olly Bond. "Their cameraman has just spotted Hugh Grant in the crowd, zoomed in close, for the commentator to describe him as a 'cult actor'. Only in Germany ..."

20 mins: Fulham knocking the ball around in their own half, which suits them just fine. "People have been banging on about Messi all week but I am running out of superlatives to describe Hodgson and the job he has done," pants Peter Corway. "This might sound bizarre coming from a United fan but the best game of football I have watched this season based on a team's performance was Fulham beating us 3-0 at Craven Cottage."

22 mins: Fulham are looking commendably comfortable as they build down the right. Gera has been prominent in everything they've done well. So has Duff, though he curtailed the move with an errant pass that time.

24 mins: Barid gets a few strands of hair to a Riether cross and that's sufficient to deviate it away from Dzeko, who was lurking ominously at the back post.

26 mins: Misimovic has been effectively subdued so far by Fulham, which is one of the reason why Wolfsburg haven't been able to get up a head of steam yet. "I don't think any teams has ever won a World Cup without a Bobby," suggests Callum Hamilton. "Bobby Pires, Bobby Carlos, the list goes on." Does it really? "Although Italy once had Bobby Baggio, Bobby Mancini, and Bobby Donadoni and it didn't do them any good so don't ask me."

28 mins: Yikes! Zamora inadvertently heads a Wolfsburg corner across the face of Fulham's goal. Happily for him, no one was able to punish him and it merely rolled out for a corner on the far side, which Fulham duly cleared. "Forget Bobbies and Fulham," orders Mark Thorogood. "Harold Wilson once noted that England only win the World Cup under a Labour government. Does this mean our chances are scuppered if Cameron and his chums get in?"

30 mins: Dzeko threads the ball through to Grafite, who had got the jump on Hughes and rounds Schwarzer coolly ... ah, but the reason he'd got the jump on Hughes was that he was offside, so the ref intervenes with his whistle.

32 mins: Another tidy move by Fulham. Baird joins in too, but cracks his long-range shot well wide. Meanwhile, continuing our meditation on omens, consider this: England have only ever won the World Cup final when Bobby Dylan has been seriously injured in a motorbike crash the day before. So Bob, if you're reading this ... no, on second thoughts, don't.

34 mins: As Dzeko is booked for kicking the ball away in frustration after being penalised for a foul on Hangeland, Lorenz-Gunther Kostner decides to make an early subsitution: unsurprinsigly it's an attacking on, as he throws on Dejagah for a fullback.

35 mins: Murphy stabs a ball through to Gera but Simunek gets there first and then tumbles over to win the freekick. "I'm no Tory supporter but surely Cameron can't be bad luck when his party was founded by Bobby Peel?" tuts Peter Wahlberg.

37 mins: Fulham are the better team here. They're compact yet fluent and the home team are really struggling to threaten them. "Zamora started to perform brilliantly after a small section of Fulham fans abused him at matches and also on blogs," recalls Peter Corway. "Keeping in mind that English fans have no problem booing their own players during internationals, Zamora should start up front during the WC. If he gets booed throughout, he'll probably singlehandedly win the tournament."

39 mins: Gah! Another fine move by Fulham fails to end with a goal because Zamora, after a good burst down the right, pulled the ball back behind Gera, who otherwise would surely have scored from close range. "We've also only won the WC (not toilets) when it's been stolen by a dog," coos John Dove. "That is not a cue to make some joke about the need to send some Wags to South Africa ..."

40 mins: Gera has a pop from distance. Gera misses by a distance.

42 mins: I don't mean to labour the point, but this really is a highly accomplished performance by Fulham so far. Wolfsburg's substitution has made no difference to the course of the game, which Fulham are largely dictating. When the home side get the ball, all they can think of doing now is launch it long into the box, and Fulham are dealing with that predictable threat easily.

44 mins: Somewhat inevitably, that last entry was belied within seconds as Wolfsburg cobbled together a piercing passing move and darn near scored, Hughes (I think) intervening at the near post to prevent Grafite converting from close range.

Half-time: An excellent first period from Fulham, who stand on the verge of their best achievemente yet in what has already been a historic season for them. I, meanwhile, am on the brink of a slash, so please excuse me ...

The case for Emile Heskey starting at the World Cup is getting weaker every day, isn't it? And with Carlton Cole out of form at West Ham, where, in fairness, he may have been hampered in recent weeks by a slight injury, Zamora is clear the man in form. Surely he at least merits a run-out in the friendly with Mexico? "I guess it falls to me to point out the obvious and say that England only win the World Cup in 1966," party-poops Mike Hanton. Or does he? "This circumstance might seem impossible to recreate without the invention of time travel but I can't be the only one to think that an armed SAS raid on the International Office for Dates and Times just prior to the World Cup could go a long way towards solving the problem. Failing that it's only 1431 in the Islamic calender so just another 565 years to go."

"I'm writing from the United States" announces Marie Meyer. I hope this is going to get more interesting. "I think it is very cruel that

while we are served up endless replays of every PL match, every CL

match, and even some Championship matches (Cardiff City vs. Swansea is

on at this moment), we haven't been able to seen any of Fulham's UEFA

Cup Glory. I hope either the club produces a detailed commemorative

DVD or, better yet - loads a ton of bootleg footage onto YouTube." You can bet your bottom dollar there'll be a commemorative DVD. In Harrods, at least.

46 mins: Only 45 minutes to go ...

47 mins: Gentner manoeuvres himself into a crossing position but then directs his delivery straight into Schwarzer's arm. Interestingly, the commentators report that Schwarzer did not go into the dressing room at half-time but instead stayed out on the pitch practising shot-stopping with Zuberbuhler. I've often wondered why managers don't let more players do that.

48 mins: Baird booked for time-wasting ... that;'s rather shameful at this stage. And not even necessary: Fulham are still the better team, and have been knocking the ball around nicely since the resumption.

49 mins: A pause in play as Davies receives treatment to a minor head wound. "Tell Marie Meyer that when we are luck enough to draw a Spanish or Italian team then the match is often on the Total Latino Network," informs civic-minded Adrian Gentry. "That's how I watched us honk Juve anyway."

52 mins: Wolfsburg simply cannot get into this game. And they're getting increasingly peeved about that, starting to commit splenetic fouls all over the park. All of which, of course, plays into Fulham's hands.

54 mins: Excellent defending by Hughes to deny Dzeko. The Bosnian twisted and feinted as he made his way deep into the box but the Irishman kept his eye on the ball before stretching out a leg to artfully dispossess the striker. "I'm a fan of Bobby Zee, Paul, but you know as well as I do that the presence of Bobby Robson in the England squad that went to the 1958 World Cup falsifies your thesis that we only ever win the World Cup with a Bobby in the team," carps Scott W. "So we have also failed to win the World Cup with a Bobby in the team. I know you're well acquainted with Popper's falsification thesis, so I won't press the matter further."

56 mins: Wolfsburg are utterly deflated. They can't summon the vim to pressurise Fulham in the middle at all, allowing the Londonders to stroke the ball around almost at will. Hodgson can pull up a chaise longue at this point ...

58 mins: Zamora scampers after a ball that was lofted over the top for him to chase. Benaglio charges out but the striker gets there fractionally first and tries to lift it over the keeper, who had anticipated that turn-of-events and spread himself accordingly. Good block. "I'm following this from the centre of Brazil," boasts Deirdre Magee. "I used to have a season ticket in Rufus B's days, I can hardly breathe!"

60 mins: Misimovic finds himself on the cusp of the Fulham box for practicallty the first time and slips the ball through to Dzeko. The Bosnian should have shot but, perhaps attesting to how dispirited his side have become, he elects to pass instead. And it wasn't even a good pass, so Fulham are reprieved.

61 mins: Wolfsburg substitution: on comes Obafemi Martins.

62 mins: Dejagah booked for being lippy after Fulham are awarded a throw-in against his wishes. "To whet your appetite, and fill you with enormous anticipation of wondrous things to come, I will mention that I too am writing from the United States of America!" warbles Ric Perry. "As everyone's probably heard, our streets are paved with gold and our meals are big enough for 3. Apparently less well known, if you get your televisual images from DirecTV, you can get all the UEFA Cup, er Europa Vase, matches screened live, in HD, and even in color (colour). Yup, we've got it all." But no Clint Dempsey to watch tonight, alas.

63 mins: Konchesky booked for time-wasting. Dear oh dear.

65 mins: Zamora takes down a long ball from Konchesky, holding off Barzagli in the process, and then lays it back to Duff. Fulham knock it around confidently in the Wolfsburg's half before Davies attempts to dart past Josue and fails.

67 mins: Puff! Puff! Puff! Fulham have metaphorically sparked up a meerschaum pipe on their chaise longue. "Nobody has anything to say about Doro Pesch?" hollers Max Franks incredulously. "I saw her with Yngwie Malmsteen and Ronnie James Dio in Los Angeles back in 2001, however much it felt like 1986 all over again. It was an endless sea of mullets and shirts with the sleeves cut off. I was far away to get a good look at Doro, but what a hell of a night that was!" She is great. Fur immer.

69 mins: After a Martins long-range effort is blocked, Dejagah attempts to send the ball back into the danger zone but instead balloons it into the stands. "Come and live in Khartoum," blurts Mike Ormsby to whom it may concern. "Every time I turn on the telly, it's Fulham. I have written to Mr. Al Jazeera, demanding more Liverpool."

71 mins: Zamora nicks the ball off Barzagli and barrels his way into the box before his shot is blocked by Simunek.

73 mins: Murphy goes close with curled spoon of a shot from the edge of the area. "As a Spurs fan, I can't imagine Zamora starting for England," yells John T. "Then again, I can't imagine Defoe or Crouch in there, either. And while we're on the topic, am I the only one who thinks King should be a shoo-in for the squad? It's pretty clear that Ferdinand and Terry are going to start, and the third- or fourth- string centerback is only going to appear when one of those two picks up two yellows. And King's clearly superior to other English options if you're talking about playing only one game."

74 mins: Dejagah flings in a corner and Dzeko meets it on the full around the penalty spot, producing a fine one-handed save from Schwarzer. "Just to get in on the international Fulham fan action, I'm writing from Argentina," roars Alastair Lee. "My colleagues think I am getting excited about a Ham sandwich." Why the capital H? It really must be an exciting sandwich.

76 mins: Oh! That would have sealed victory! Zamora clipped an expert pass over to Davies, who found himself one-on-one with the keeper 12 yards from goal. He took one touch and then spanked it goalwards but the keeper deflected it over with his feet. "If Fulham play Hamburg in the next rounds and are cast as the home team then the TV graphic will read FUL-HAM," foresees Matthew Coxon.

78 mins: Dejagah cuts in from the left but then lashes the ball over the bar from 18 yards. "Can you ask Mike Hanton if the International Office for Dates and Times (45 mins) can get in touch," enquires Rick Burr. "At last there might be a way to solve a real cosmic mishap. The half-time substitution of Dutch winger Bobby Rensenbrink in the World Cup Final of 1974 and his last minute miss in the 1978 final ripped a hole in the space/time continuum that is probably the cause of global warming, the lack of world peace and the poor showing of the Dutch in the Eurovision Song Contest ever since."

80 mins: The 2,000 Fulham fans are in fine voice as their team continue to look at ease. Ten minutes to go. "A Ham sandwich deserving a capital H must contain loads of ham," splutters Robin Hazlehurst. "In fact it must be a Full Ham sandwich, which is I suppose quite exciting at the moment."

82 mins: A brilliant move by Fulham so nearly rewarded with a goal! Zamora slipped the ball wide to the overlapping Konchesky, who fired it across goal. Murphy met and slammed it towards the net but Barzagli cleared off the line! Murphy latched on to the rebound but spanked that into the sidenetting from an acute angle.

84 mins: Incredible! Wolfsburg hit another hopeful long diagonal ball towards Dzeko and this time he was able to get on the end of it. He shot across Schwarzer from 15 yards and it came back off the post to Grafite, who snapped it towards goal only for Hangeland to clear off the line!

86 mins: Fulham substitution: Riise on for Davies. Nevland came on for Gera a few minutes ago too, by the way.

87 mins: Another long diagnonal ball and again Dzeko gets to it, but this time his shot is weak and straight at Schwarzer.

89 mins: Fulham are toying with the German champions now. Flicking the ball around mid-way for larks.

90 mins: Yet another long ball into the Fulham box from Wolfsburg. This time Schwarzer decides to come and punch it clear. "Unfortunately I can't ask the International Office on Dates and Times to get in touch as I made them up," admits Mike Hanton. "Also I'd quite like to keep that hole in the space-time continuum as I suspect its the only thing allowing my beloved Bolton to remain in the Premier League."

90+2 mins: "Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy," chant the Fulham fans. It's may not be poetry but it's surprisingly catchy.

90+3 mins: Martins hauls down Zamora just outside the Wolfsburg box, to the left. Freekick.

Full-time: Fulham are into the Europa League semi-final (where they'll meet hamburg) after comfortably beating the German champions home and away, following previous victories over both the holders and Juventus. Nothing needs to be added.