It happened just after President Big Boy finished sniffling from behind the resolute desk. I was laying in bed, laptop open, anxiously awaiting the response to last night's colossal waste of time from our own Charles P. Pierce when the tweet popped up. "Beto has grown a beard/goatee," it read.

This content is imported from Twitter. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

🚨 Beto has grown a beard/goatee pic.twitter.com/JDhMvhYWdX — Igor Bobic (@igorbobic) January 9, 2019

Normally this news would yield unconditional excitement. My initial reaction, though, was fear. What if it's trash? It can't be trash. I was just settling back into my seat on the right side of history. Just a few weeks after Ted Cruz's Esquire-approved Beard became A Thing, the gentleman* from Texas's poor-maintenance approach to his long-term aesthetic gave me the opportunity to make peace with my conscience, and point out how he'd already fucked it all up.

Beto, thank god, is on the right track. It's hard to say whether or not you can really call this a beard. The goatee is there for sure—we can see it when that sweet boy turns and faces the camera. It's full, but not too full, and it's got just enough sprouting of grey to say, "Yes, I'm young and hot, but I've seen and done some shit, man."

This content is imported from Twitter. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

the earth's population just doubled after people saw beto o'rourke's beard and all the women either got pregnant or went into labor. pic.twitter.com/9qpHp8aS0k — ohyeahnothim (@ohyeahnothim) January 9, 2019

Norelco BG2040 BODYGROOM Norelco target.com $69.98 Shop Now

And though a bit scraggly, there is an apparent connection to his sideburn. So while we might not be able to call this a full beard yet, the man is certainly on the verge of one. What he lacks in cheek coverage, he makes up for in general likability. What's missing in fullness is made up for in progressive policies rooted in empathy. And anything about Beto's beard that might fall short of Mr. Cruz's initial effort is made up for in the fact that he is Beto O'Rourke, and not the human Ipecac syrup that is Ted Cruz.

I do have some advice for our guy, though. Commit to the goatee, man. By the looks of it, your beard's on its way to looking more Sidney Crosby than Grizzly Adams. There aren't a lot of guys that can make a goatee work in 2019, either. You're one of 'em, Beto—be blessed, and go forth knowing you won't look like, I don't know, fuckin' Kid Rock or something!

He may not get away with the goatee for long. With 2020 on the horizon, I imagine a clean-shaven look would look More Presidential. For now, though, if only by a whisker, Beto is winning the beard war against Cruz.

This content is imported from {embed-name}. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

Ben Boskovich Ben Boskovich is the Deputy Editor of Esquire, where he also writes about style.

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io