I’ve tried so many times to stop picking my skin with no success. Now, I’m on the hunt for new resources. My first read, Stop Picking On Me, provided a good baseline for ending the habit. However, it didn’t help me in the long run. (I still recommend you check it out if you’re new on the journey.)

Now I’m reading You Are Not Your Brain which I borrowed from my local library. Although I’m only half way through the book, I’ve found it to be super helpful so far. It explains that the reason we pick our skin is because of deceptive brain messages. That means parts of our brain were trained through time and repetition to make us feel like we need to pick. This is not our fault, and there’s nothing we can do to stop the impulses from arising. They are biological. However, we have the power to veto these deceptive brain messages. As long as we realize their unhelpful nature, we can choose not to listen to them. Over time, the brain messages will weaken. This is done using the Four Steps:

Step 1: Relabel. Identify the deceptive brain messages (i.e., the unhelpful thoughts, urges, desires and impulses) and the uncomfortable sensations; call them what they really are. Step 2: Reframe. Change your perception of the importance of the deceptive brain messages; say why these thoughts, urges, and impulses keep bother you (it’s not ME, it’s just the BRAIN!). Step 3: Refocus. Direct your attention toward an activity or mental process that is wholesome and productive — even while the false and deceptive urges, thoughts, impulses, and sensations are still present and bothering you. Step 4: Revalue. Clearly see the thoughts, urges, and impulses for what they are: sensations caused by deceptive brain messages that are not true and that have little to no value.

For example, say it’s a weekend and you’re bored. Your friends are busy, there’s nothing good on TV, and you’ve reached the end of your Facebook feed. Your mind drifts towards the whiteheads on your face and your hand reaches up to feel for them. As your fingers find one, the urge to pick becomes really strong. According to the Four Steps, you would:

Step 1: Relabel — say what is happening, “Oh, I am having the urge to pick my skin again.” Step 2: Reframe — remind yourself why this is bothering you. Say, “I am having the urge to pick my skin again because it gives me a rush when the gunk comes out…it feels good. Picking my skin also helps me avoid feelings of loneliness that I get when I’m bored.” Remind yourself that you are not your brain and you do not have to respond to every impulse your brain generates. Step 3: Refocus — go to the community pool, go rockclimbing, play a game. Do something that will interest you and is fun. It’s the weekend after all! Step 4: Revalue — recognize that this urge to pick your skin is nothing more than the feeling of a deceptive brain message. It is not something that needs to be taken seriously or paid attention to. In fact, giving into this urge just makes the underlying brain circuitry stronger. The more you pick, the more frequent and intense the urges will become. So, dismiss this deceptive brain message and go do something healthy and productive instead. (Adapted from Rebecca Gladding’s article in Psychology Today)

This way of thinking has been incredibly helpful for me. First it made me consider the underlying thoughts and feelings I’ve been having. It also gave me a concrete, step-by-step method for dealing with the urge to pick. To kickstart the process, every time I’ve have the urge to pick or notice my fingers scanning my face, I say:

“This is just a brain message and it’s NOT worth my attention. I will not feed the monster!”

This is a mantra I came up with through an exercise in the book, and I encourage you to make one up for yourself. It’s been great for coping when the urge arises.

What have you been reading? What has helped you cope with the urge to pick your skin? Please share in the comments below!

A note on the book’s exercises:

Since I’m not done reading the book and am only 5 days in to no picking, I have no idea whether the exercises are important. Because they seemed kinda tedious, I didn’t do most of them. That said, I still got immense value from the book and recommend reading it, even if you don’t do the exercises.