Game Week: Southern Miss 2013

Gather ‘round children, and hear The Ballad of Southern Mississippi football. This game was supposed to be in Hattiesburg. Then the USM Athletic Department needed money and thought maybe we’d play it at a neutral site in New Orleans. Then it was rumored to move to Kansas City, when the Huskers AD wanted a nearby travel destination for fans. Eventually, the Golden Eagles needed the your-cab-fare’s-on-the-dresser payout so desperately that they agreed to come back to Lincoln and play in the Sea of Red just a year after being beaten there by 29 points. They haven’t won a game since. They amassed a grand total of 23 rushing yards last week against Texas State. And they return to Lincoln with their 3rd head coach in as many years.

Ladies and gentlemen, when Tom Osborne is on his way out the door, stay out of the way of his pimp hand. It is kept strong at all times.

I’m posting this realizing that I did not write anything about Southern Miss in this week’s comic. That’s how boring Southern Miss is. Now, watch them Appalachian State vs. Michigan our asses and I’ll have a full diet of crow next week. But this is a pretty god awful team and a group of Huskers hungry to prove the doubters wrong.

I wrote about the doubters and the sunshine pumpers and the dangers of presumption earlier this week, if you’d like to read that. Otherwise, enter the tunnel. This week, Bo reaches out to the kids, gives Nathan Gerry a nickname and meets his kicker for the first time. It goes pretty much like you think it will.

Follow TWOS on Twitter for daily BS, and if you’re cheering on the Huskers in person tomorrow, please drink plenty of water, don’t overdo the alcohol and maybe hug a Southern Miss fan, if you see any.