MAY 7--In a federal lawsuit that reads like a work of fan fiction, an unnamed masseur claims that John Travolta groped him during an alleged encounter in a bungalow at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

In a “John Doe” lawsuit filed Friday in U.S. District Court in Los Angeles, the purported $200-an-hour masseur claims that he met Travolta on January 16 (apparently after the actor responded to an ad placed online). The masseur alleges that Travolta, driving a Lexus SUV, picked him up on an L.A. street and transported him to the hotel.

A copy of the masseur’s lawsuit--which seeks a minimum of $2 million in damages--can be found here. The “Doe” plaintiff, a Texas resident in his early-40s, has filed a related application to proceed anonymously, since disclosure of his identity would likely have an adverse effect on his “business and employment opportunities.”

While the man’s lawsuit--which was filed by Pasadena lawyer Okorie Okorocha--is brimming with details, absurdities, and belly laughs, here are some highlights:

* When he got into Travolta’s car, the masseur spotted Trojan condoms in the vehicles console and saw what “appeared to be 2 or 3 wrappers from chocolate cake packages on the floor of the SUV.” While these cakes were not further described, Travolta, 58, once told a TV interviewer that his favorite snack was chocolate cake.

* After entering the bungalow, Travolta and the masseur were greeted by an “overweight black man preparing hamburgers.” The man--who “meekly” said “Hey” to Travolta and the masseur--appeared to be a professional chef judging from his “skill and dexterity in food preparation. [The chef herein appears to be based on the “South Park” character voiced by Isaac Hayes. The late R&B singer/Scientologist famously quit the animated show after an episode lampooning Scientology and Tom Cruise was broadcast.]

* After Travolta “shamelessly stripped naked” in front of him and the chef, the masseur recalled that the actor was “gazing” at him and “appeared to be semi-erect.”

* While the massage’s first hour went by without incident, Travolta did keep “purposely sliding the towel down that covered his buttocks to reveal about half of gluteus area.”

* Right before the first hour ended, Travolta’s “chronograph” started to chime “and the black chef covered the burgers, and other things he was preparing with plates.” The chef then left the room with a stack of papers. [Travolta is a spokesman for Breitling, which manufactures chronographs.]

* Now alone--but surely with the smell of cooked meat filling the bungalow--the masseur claims that Travolta made his move, rubbing the man’s leg and touching his scrotum. After being told to keep his hands to himself, Travolta apologized, “snickered to himself like a mischievous child,” and then “touched the shaft of Plaintiff’s penis, and seized on to it.” Travolta then “quickly tried to rub the head of Plaintiff’s penis as he tried to pull away.”

* The masseur explained that he did not have sex with his clients. Travolta, citing crossed signals, noted that he thought the masseur “wanted the same thing he did.”

* Travolta then sat up on the table and offered to do a reverse massage. “Come on dude, I’ll jerk you off!!!” [Editor’s note: Those three exclamation points are directly from the complaint.]

* When the masseur announced that he wanted to leave, Travolta promised, “OK, I’ll behave myself.” Then, as the masseur performed deep tissue massage on his shoulders, the actor said, “Say something nice to me.” At this point, the masseur noticed that Travolta “had removed his draping and was masturbating.”

* Displaying a remarkable gift of observation, the masseur noted Travolta was “fully erect, and was roughly 8 inches in length; and his pubic hair was wirey and unkempt.” Additionally, “sweat was pouring down” the star’s neck.

* As he moved away from the prone Travolta, the masseur watched as the actor--like an awakening bear--“lumbered to his feet and began to move towards Plaintiff with erect penis bouncing around with his stride.”

* An enraged Travolta then screamed at the masseur and explained that he “got where he is now due to sexual favors he had performed when he was in his ‘Welcome Back Kotter’ days." Travolta did not go into what Horshack, seen at left, was required to do to secure his role in the 1970s sitcom.

* Hollywood, Travolta explained, is “controlled by homosexual Jewish men who expect favors in return for sexual activity,” adding that he had “done things in his past that would make most people throw up.”

* Travolta remarked that when he started out, “he wasn’t even gay and that the taste of ‘cum’ would make him gag.” But he was smart enough to “learn to enjoy it, and when he began to make millions of dollars, that it all became well worth it.”

* After extolling the pleasures of gay sex, Travolta--with his penis still semi-erect--“had to struggle to get it back into his underwear and jeans.” Travolta then repeated that Hollywood is all about giving and getting, offering an “Instant Example.” The actor, the masseur claimed, “knew a Hollywood starlet in the building that wanted three-way sex and to be ‘double-penetrated.’”

* Before setting up the three-way, however, Travolta explained that he would have to have sex with the masseur mano a mano, “so this way they would be in-sync with each other sexually.” While the masseur had “Hollywood looks,” Travolta added, he “just needed to lose some weight and learn to lick some ‘ass.'” At that point, the masseur “would be ready to make millions and be famous.”

In a TSG interview, Okorocha (pictured at right) confirmed filing the lawsuit and said he was confident in the veracity of his client’s allegations (which first aired in mid-March in the National Enquirer). He added that the man is prepared to be publicly identified if a federal judge rejects his bid to remain shrouded as “John Doe.”

When a reporter told Okorocha that Travolta’s representatives contend that he was on the East Coast on January 16, he said that be believed his client’s account due to the wealth of details “Doe” provided him. “That part about the chef barbecuing, that’s not something you’d make up,” said Okorocha.

While the 36-year-old attorney earlier today linked from his Facebook page to an online story about the lawsuit against Travolta, he deleted his account a few minutes after speaking to a TSG reporter who questioned the lawsuit’s credibility. (5 pages)