Hilariously, West Ham manager Sam Allardyce revealed he’d made an approach to Arsenal to take Thomas Vermaelen on loan.

Quite why he thought Arsenal would allow the captain to go, given that we’ve only got three centre-halves at the club, is beyond us, but the Walrus is going to have to look elsewhere for defensive reinforcements.

“I think under the circumstances at Arsenal with the situation they’re in with the Champions League and cup matches, they’ve had to use Vermaelen as soon as any of the two defenders are injured,” he said.

“I don’t think there’s any chance we’ll get someone of his quality, but it would be nice if we could.”

I suppose there’s the whole thing of you never know if you don’t ask, but reports that Allardyce also asked Scarlett Johansson to marry him could not be confirmed this evening.