A Belgian man who chained himself to a block of marble to show the “burden of history” from which artists cannot escape, was unable to free himself and had to be cut loose after 19 days. In a performance that lasted 438 hours, Mikes Poppe attached himself to a three-metre (10ft) chain buried in the middle of a block of marble in the courthouse of the Belgian coastal city of Ostend. Poppe, who ate, slept, washed and drew while chained, worked to liberate himself by chiselling away the stone towards the chain, but eventually had to be cut free.

Tough look for Mikes Poppe here. You call yourself an escape artist and fail to escape from a marble rock. Oh, and then you say you didn’t fail?

“This block was symbolic of history, the history of art, which I am trying to free myself from. I discovered that this is not possible. It is burden which I must always carry,” he said.

That’s one hell of a spinzone. You didn’t fail because you realized it was impossible? I’m pretty sure that’s how failure works, pal. If I tried to dunk, but couldn’t because I’m 5’9″ and white that means I failed. Was it impossible for me to do some with my limitations? Sure was, but I still tried and failed. Trying to call this whole fiasco of coming up short a work of art? No shot buddy. You chained yourself to a giant marble rock for 19 days like an asshole, and didn’t come close to freeing yourself. Maybe if instead of sleeping in your comfy bed you were up chopping away at this rock you woulda actually succeeded. If you really couldn’t chizzle your way free from this marble rock and wanted to succeed you woulda just sawed your foot off like Lawrence.

Escape artist my ass. Screw art. Screw Mikes. You failed.