A men’s group in the US called Super Happy Fun America have asked the city of Boston if it can hold one – and adopted Brad Pitt as a mascot.

Name: Straight Pride.

Age: At present, still slouching toward Bethlehem to be born.

Appearance: Embarrassing.

Isn’t it OK to be both straight and proud? You might feel differently about that after reading this.

What’s happening? A group of straight men, who call themselves Super Happy Fun America, have applied for a permit to hold a “Straight Pride parade” in Boston this summer.

Oh dear, I see what you mean. The group claims it exists to “celebrate the diverse history, culture and contributions of the straight community”.

What contributions are they talking about, frisbee golf? They also have a flag, and even their own mascot: Brad Pitt.

Does Brad Pitt know about this? You tell him.

Are straight women part of Straight Pride? If they’ve been invited, they do not appear to have accepted.

What would a Straight Pride parade even look like? A queue outside an Apple store? Careful – you’re in danger of stereotyping straight men.

To be fair, they’ve done most of the heavy lifting on that score. And you’re also being quite intolerant of straights.

Not all straights. Just the ones who want to have a parade about it. Why? They’re only fighting for straight inclusivity.

What’s their slogan going to be? “Come to our parade! Forget about getting laid – ever!” You’re enjoying this, I can see.

I’ve got a lot more, if need be. Is this parade really happening? It depends on who you ask. Super Happy Fun America’s vice-president Mark Sahady said the city of Boston would be “working with us on the parade” after the group filed a discrimination suit.

And Boston? The city says the group’s permit to hold the event has not been approved.

What has the reaction to this news been? Ridicule, largely. “You can’t have a Straight Pride Parade,” said comedian Ron Funches on Twitter. “Parades are inherently gay. Embrace it.”

Maybe there should be some kind of Gay Pride parade, then. Well, in a statement to BuzzFeed, Boston mayor Marty Walsh directed people to the city’s upcoming Pride week, “to celebrate the diversity, strength and acceptance of our LGBTQ community. This is a special week that represents Boston’s values of love and inclusion, which are unwavering.”

That sounds nice. Perhaps the straights could enter their own float in that. We’ll see.

Do say: “If Straight Pride had been invented sooner, they might not have had to close all those branches of Burton.”

Don’t say: “Where are all you guys going? The Boat Show’s that way!”