Me: “Thank you for calling guest relations. This is [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes. One of your hotels stole something from me and I would like you to return that item to me or I will sue you.”

Me: “We will certainly conduct an investigation. At which property was it left?”

Customer: “The [Hotel Chain].”

Me: “Ok… What city and state?”

Customer: “The [Hotel Chain]!”

Me: “I understand which brand name.. Can you please tell me the location of the property?”

Customer: “It’s on [Street].”

Me: “Ok, and what city and state is that in?”

Customer: “By the ocean.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Which city and state?”

Customer: “Florida. It’s not my job to tell you where it’s located.”

Me: “Well, as I’m sure you can appreciate, we have over 3,000 properties in the US alone. So I will need you tell me which city in Florida this is located…”

(Customer provides the name of city.)

Me: “Ok, great. And this is the [Hotel Chain] on [Street], correct? So what is missing?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “You don’t know?”

Customer: “No. I visited my psychic this week, and she told me that one of the employees at that hotel, where I just came from this past weekend, stole something from me. The employee is female with dark hair and her name starts with an ‘M’.”

Me: “Ok… but can you tell me what you’re missing, please? That way I can have this documented and the hotel can investigate the situation.”

Customer: “I DON’T KNOW WHAT WAS STOLEN, BUT MY PSYCHIC DOES NOT LIE.”

Me: “Ma’am, I certainly apologize for any inconvenience experienced… but I’m sure you can appreciate that I would need to know what was taken to forward over to the hotel. Have you gone through your items?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “And?”

Customer: “I can’t find anything. But your hotel better return my items or I will sue you!”

Me: “I’d love to help you. Please call us back when you have discovered what was missing. Thank you.”