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They've got it set up so that if you're a filmmaker and want it to be shown on the vast majority of movie screens in America, you need an MPAA rating. The North American Theater Owners (no, seriously, they call themselves NATO), which consist of the biggest chain theaters in America, by and large will not show an unrated movie. Nor will they show a movie rated NC-17, which is why one romantic comedy after another is ruined by their refusal to show penetration.

DVD rental giant Blockbuster also doesn't do NC-17, and neither does Wal-Mart. So in short, the ratings system is entirely voluntary and you don't have to go through the process. Unless, you know, you were hoping people would get a chance to ever actually see your work.

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This is why Hollywood contractually obligates filmmakers bring the movie in for at least an R rating. But luckily, the MPAA is honest and open with filmmakers about how their films are rated. Oh, wait, no. It's the exact opposite of that. The MPAA is a black box: you submit a film, it spits out a rating for that film, and that's it.

You can recut the film, but they won't tell you what to cut or why. So do you cut from the orgy, or the exploding skull scene? Or maybe trim two minutes off the sequence where a cow shits a leprechaun? All you can do is guess.

But you can appeal, right? Sure you can! The appeals board consists of...members of NATO, representatives of the clergy and studio heads. Good luck!

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Better Get Used to it...

The MPAA isn't going anywhere. It's a fairly effective lobbying group, and people like the ratings system, even though it appears consumers largely ignore it (how many of you actually didn't see an R-rated movie until age 17?).

Will they loosen the restrictions of "adult" material? Well for now, movies are actually moving in the other direction as fast as possible. These days the challenge is all about watering movies down to the PG-13 sweet spot (see the Die Hard 4 fiasco), so forget about pushing the limits of the R vs NC-17 envelope. Your studio head is giving you two "fucks" and some side boob. And maybe a pencil through a dude's eye if you're lucky.