UPDATE: Like manna from heaven, more gummi bears have fallen from the sky. I hear the gossip around the office is that I have scored a romantic admirer who is showering me with his gummi love (ew). I have done nothing to dissuade the erroneous gossip, for it adds to my legend. It has come to my attention that Jax has signed me up for a subscription of gummi bears that will arrive once every 3 months. I have no words... Thank you, Jax. Thank you from the bottom of my sugar damaged organs.

When I was about 6 years old, I have a clear memory of my dad's taking me to the local IGA on a rainy summer evening. He and I had a little ritual in which whenever we went to the supermarket, we would go to the candy aisle and I would jokingly pick up a 10 pack of candy bars and he would always say, "Not today." He usually got me a small treat at the check out counter. But on this propitious day, when I dropped the usual question, he looked at me and said, "Today's the day." JOY. SHEER AND UTTER JOY. He bought me a "family pack" of Twix and I proceeded to eat them, one after the other, until my belly was distended and I was feverish with the food sweats. Had this been some sort of payback in a fight with my mother? Perhaps he had had one too many beers on his Sunday morning fishing trip and he was a little trigger happy with the check book. Maybe he just wanted to see the look of delight upon my six year old face. Who knows. These answers have been lost to time. That was the best sugar high of my life. UNTIL TODAY Today, I have received 5 lbs of gummy bears and a 38.2 ounce bag of Hershey's Nuggets. Today, I was the queen of the office. Usually resigned to accepting my low position in the office hierarchy, today I was a queen. I lorded my bounty over all. I meted out portions to those I deemed worthy and I withheld from those whom I felt were undeserving of my candy-coated grace. I made alliances with the neighboring offices and I reveled in my newfound power. For you see, like Honey Buns in the Florida prison system, candy is the currency of the corporate office and I am the Leona Helmsley of my firm. I know that my new station is fleeting. I know that even a 5 pound bag of gummy bears has a finite shelf life. But today, TODAY I had a sweet taste of how intoxicating life could be and for one shining day I was six years old again. Thank you sweet, sweet redditor. I thank you. My office mates thank you. My mail man thanks you and the fedex guy thanks you. My pancreas, however, would like to tell you to fuck off. All kidding aside, you nailed this!