Local authorities are asking all Daniel Island parents to refrain from using their personal helicopters when following their children around. The surge in helicopter popularity has led to some near mid-air collisions and the FAA is having trouble cracking down on the intense parenting tactic.

The recent helicopter parenting trend is a bit of a phenomenon. Daniel Island Police Chief Earl Jennings said, “Some idiot parent overheard someone use the term ‘helicopter parenting’ and took it literally, so she made her husband buy her a real helicopter. Then other parents saw it so they had to have one too. You know how Daniel Island people are. Now it’s a huge mess.”

Normally a helicopter pilot who’s licensed in South Carolina knows they’re forbidden from flying in residential areas, but Daniel Island parents have found a way around that by hiring ex-Russian military pilots with zero standards. FAA Spokesperson Daniel Stark said, “The Russian pilots are more than willing to break the rules and appear to be taking payment in bacon and vodka. There’s no way to regulate it.”

Daniel Island School Principal Amanda Brown said the slew of helicopters is creating quite a distraction during recess. “It’s the scariest environment imaginable for children—those fast-spinning blades create high winds at a deafening volume. Kids are peeing their Vineyard Vine pants left and right. It needs to stop!”

Daniel Island resident Miffy Vanderbilt is resistant to the idea of giving up her personal helicopter. “I don’t care what anyone says, I’m still going to have Vladimir fly me around the island. Now we just need Wasabi to install a helipad.”

The FAA may have a new problem on their hands as word is spreading that a Daniel Island parent has recently acquired an unarmed surveillance drone to record their child’s flag football games. It is rumored that the drone will be operated by the nanny.







