sausagerollsnotgenderroles: millennial-review: This is shit parents are supposed to teach but we’re the ones who are fucking helpless‽‽ “We failed to teach our children basic life lessons so now they’re teaching themselves and that proves they’re helpless.” (via windyvalleyzone)

Resident Evil The Umbrella Chronicles Review Version played for review: Wii

Available on: Wii, PS3

Price I paid:

Other Notes: N/A The Umbrella Chronicles tells the story of the Umbrella company and its fall from power. This is retold via a rail-shooter rushing through the events of Resident Evil 0, 1, 3 and an original story.

If you have never played a rail-shooter before then the idea is rather simple. The camera moves through a level on its own while monsters crowd in front of it, wait for a short time and then attack. You have control of a cross-hair on the screen that you can use to shoot the monsters, preferably before they attack you. Umbrella Chronicles has a number of weapons that you can use such as the shotgun, SMG, grenade launcher, knife and frag grenades. Your pistol has unlimited ammo but every other gun is limited so it’s best to save these supplies until you encounter a boss. The knife is pretty useless most of the time but can be used to attack leaches, bees, crows and so on. Ammo is persistent between stages and even chapters so try not to make the mistake of using it all during one stage. While Umbrella Chronicles is far from a survival horror game this need to preserve ammo does go a little way towards making it feel like a Resident Evil game. It’s a small token effort but it’s one I appreciate none-the-less.

I tend to dislike this type of shooter so as a result my experience and skill with them are lacking. This may be why I found a lot of this game hard. Dying will send you back to a checkpoint which can be around 10 minutes away from where you died. This gets very irritating at times. Of course, if you’re not a complete noob like I am and can actually shoot with the Wii remote then this won’t be as much of an issue. What will be an issue, however, are the cheap attacks and unresponsiveness of the controls at times. I’ve had multiple accounts of the camera turning around only to have a monster already in it’s attacking animation meaning I had no time to shoot them. This feels cheap and annoying seeing as they take a decent amount of health away with a single hit. During boss fights, you will have to press a button or wiggle the controller to dodge attacks which worked most the time but now and again it just wouldn’t register my movements. This wouldn’t be too bad if you only lost a little health but you don’t. During some of the harder fights missing just one of these prompts can mean death. To say this is annoying would be an understatement.

There is something about rushing through the events of Resident Evil 0 and 1 shooting classic era monsters that endeared itself to me. I’m no fool, I know this is all just fan service playing on my nostalgia and love of these games but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t work. Resident Evil 0 and 1 use a lot of their graphics, style and even assets from the Gamecube games. This means there is nothing we haven’t seen before but it was nice to see the environments from a first-person perspective. Sadly the same can’t be said for Resident Evil 3 or the final original chapter.

Jill’s escape from Raccoon City reuses assets from the PS2 Outbreak games. This is such a wasted opportunity seeing as we don’t have a remake of this classic game. Instead what we get are environments and zombies ripped wholesale from a game with a completely different art style to Resident Evil Remake and 0. Now I love the Outbreak games, even to this day I think they look great so that’s not the issue here. It’s just when putting them next to the environments, bosses and zombies from the Gamecube games they do feel out of place. You will also never visit any of the locations from Resident Evil 3 such as the Clock Tower, Hospital or Park. Seeing as this is supposed to retell the events of that game this is beyond unsatisfying. Even Nemeses doesn’t survive the butchering. Instead of him mercilessly chasing Jill through the streets of Raccoon City he only appears during the last stage of the chapter. Then instead of the epic struggle between Jill and the further decaying monster in the Umbrella facility we face him on the roof of the police station. During Resident Evil 3 Jill used a prototype railgun to finish off the relentless beast but here he just falls off the roof. Seeing my favourite classic-era Resident Evil mangled with all the best parts, locations and characters missing is utterly foul.

The only thing The Umbrella Chronicles has left is the final chapter that tells an original story. Set in between Resident Evil Code Veronica and 4 we follow Chris and Jill to Russia in an attempt to finish off Umbrella once and for all. I love the idea of an all-new story following two of my favourite characters at such an important time of the lore. Sadly the plot boils down to nothing more than shutting down Umbrella’s final facility and BOW. Every single enemy bar 1 boss has been taken from the Gamecube games. Despite this being a previously unseen Umbrella base almost every part of its design feels unoriginal. A lot of inspiration has obversely been taken from the 2002 Resident Evil film. The problem with this is that it’s so different from the games in style and appearance that seeing rooms copied perfectly from it is jarring. The laser room in peculiar feels like it’s in the wrong franchise. We also get introduced to the Red Queen who is a computer A.I from that same film. Not that any of this matters as nothing with any impact to the series or characters happens. The Red Queen doesn’t even do anything and you never even get to fight her in any way. It’s just filler which wouldn’t be so bad if it was at least enjoyable filler but it’s not.

The Umbrella Chronicles feels cheap and lazy containing almost no new assets and absolutely no new ideas. Even the gameplay feels about as basic as this simplistic genre can get. While it’s certainly playable it’s far from gratifying or even fun. Unless you really enjoy these types of shooters I’d leave this one alone. You’re far better off just playing the games these chapters are based on over this forgettable experience.

Recommendation Rating: 3 out of 10



The Ultimate Doom Review The version played for review: Steam

Available on: PC

Price I paid: £3.99

Other Notes: N/A During the early 90’s the first person shooter genre was still young only including a few very limited games. Faceball 2000 on the Gameboy had delivered a very early idea of what would become one of gamings most beloved genres in 1991. Id Software then delivered the much more violent and enjoyable Wolfenstein 3D a year later. These were still simplistic games that caught the attention of some but failed to gain mainstream success. Then in 1993 Doom was released and changed the gaming landscape forever. The first person shooter was truly born and with good reason. Doom wasn’t just impressive for a 1993 game as it still holds up today. We will be looking at the 1995 Ultimate Doom for this review as it’s the most definitive version of id’s classic. The story of Doom is told over the first 3 episodes. You play as the Doom guy, a marine shipped off the UAC base on Mars for assaulting a superior officer. The UAC has other bases on Mars’ moons Phobos and Deimos. A few hours before the start of the game Deimos just vanishes and the Phobos base radios Mars for help. They claim something evil is coming through the interdimensional portals they’ve been working on. This leads your squad to leave for Phobos. You are left to guard the exterior while the rest of your squad enters the base leaving you alone. It’s over the radio that you hear gunfire and the screams of your dying team. Now it’s only you and a base overrun by the demonic hoards. During the 3 story episodes, you will discover the fate of Deimos, battle your way through Hell itself and try to make it back to Earth. As was familiar for the era most of this story is found in the manual to the game or short paragraphs at the end of each episode. This means that the actual game itself is light on plot but that’s not to say it’s devoid of it. If you pay attention then you can pick up a few details about the world of Doom from the environments around you. These environments are one of my personal favourite things about the original Doom. The game starts with the famous Episode 1; Knee Deep in the Dead, Mission 1 or it’s the more well-known name of E1M1. While graphically impressive on its own for a 1993 game that’s not enough to support it today. It’s the artwork that allows classic Doom to keep up with modern shooters. The first of the episode feels very much like a military base, it’s built out of mostly metal with modern lighting using key-cards to open doors. As the episodes go on, however, the surroundings start to slowly change. Satanic imagery starts to become more common, then the walls slowly move away from the metal military base to cold stone and wood. Before long you’re in the depths of hell with human and demon corpses alike impaled on spears or hung off crosses. Mutilated walls of human flesh and stitched together faces become uncomfortably common. Even the previous coloured key-cards are replaced with coloured human skulls. While not gory by modern day standards due to the limited graphics this imagery is still off-putting. The reason this works so well is just how slowly the change occurs. For a game that’s so fast, violent and just all round heavy metal, this transformation is remarkably subtle. Modern Doom is great with how sudden and intense these changes are but classic Doom masters the slow burn.

When most people think of Doom’s gameplay today they tend to think of fast, loud and violent. One marine against the hoards of hell in a never-ending series of manic battles. Classic Doom does have these moments but once you have ended the existence of the last demon in the level things slow down. You will spend just as much time exploring the maze-like level design trying to find the right key-card for the right door. Early on you’re introduced to teleportation pads. Upon stepping on one of these you will be warped to another part of the map. This helps create really confusing puzzles towards the end of the game. Due to this Doom starts to feel just as much like a simplistic puzzle game as much as it does a shooter. Unlike Wolfenstein 3D these are less of an issue for me. Part of this is because the graphics and visual design are so much more impressive than Wolfenstein 3D. The other reason is the map. You can use TAB to bring up a real-time map of the level. Demons will still attack you when using it so this is best used once you have removed the local demonic population. Even with these improvements though I still find myself getting annoyed with the level design at times. Being lost in a maze of hallways and teleporters is just not fun after the 5-minute mark.

The biggest difference between classic Doom and modern Doom is that the newer games are fair. Classic Doom does not play by the rules. It’s not uncommon to need to hurt yourself to progress. Making your way over lava or chemical liquid is something you will have to get used to. This can drop your health quickly if you’re not careful. The game also likes to set traps for you. You may grab a useful item only to have hidden doors open up unleashing power demons on you with no warning. Some enemies are also invisible making it very easy for them to sneak up to you during combat or in the dark. That’s another thing classic Doom uses a lot to get the edge over the player, darkness. While most of the game is lit rather well there are times it will turn off the lights leaving you to battle the hellish monsters in the pitch black. All of these unfair tactics make this game hard, even more so if you’re out of touch with old school gaming controls. W and S move you forward and backwards while A and D strafe you left and right with turning being controlled by the directional buttons. You can use the mouse but I personally find it more annoying than helpful. Left shift allows you to run and if you’re playing on normal difficulty or above you pretty much want to always hold this down. Lastly, CTRL fires your weapon and space bar actives any doors or switches. These controls feel very dated and I find them to be very clumsy. Now I will put my hands up and admit this is because of me being so used to modern controls. Thing is if you go back to replay this then the odds are so will you. This really hurts the game for those of us used to the modern standard set in place over the last 20 odd years of gaming.

Doom is a masterpiece, one that could only have existed when it did. Modern games are played by more than just computer nerds now and as such have become more friendly and accessible. Levelling up stats to gain the advantage is common even in shooters and things like aim assist make taking out enemies easier. I don’t think this is a bad thing at all, I love that more people than ever are able to enjoy a hobby I’ve loved all my life. But that’s not to say there isn’t room for the classic Doom. It may not be for everyone with it’s dated visuals, sound, controls and even game design but for the people like me that grew up with Doom, it’s still amazing. I will admit I struggle with the harder difficulties because of the controls. But when I finish an episode even on normal I feel a sense of achievement that’s lacking from many modern games. This is not even due to the, at times, insane, difficulty of Doom but more because I feel like I’ve bested a foe with all of the advantages over me. The Demons spring traps, remove lighting, force you to hurt yourself and overwhelm you with their massive numbers but still you come out the victor and that feels amazing! Doom feels like Hell, it fights dirty and doesn’t care about you at all and that’s something special that you won’t find many places today.

Recommendation Rating: 8 out of 10.



Grand Theft Auto V Review The version played for review: PC

Available on: PS3, PS4, Xbox 360, Xbox One, PC

Price I paid: £13

Other Notes: I have finished the main story on the PS3 and PS4 in the past but seeing as I got it cheap in the steam summer sale I played the PC version for this review. Also, I will review GTA online one day but not today, this review will only focus on the single-player side of GTA 5. The Grand Theft Auto games and I have an interesting relationship. During my teenage years, this series meant a lot to me. Just driving around or playing online with my friends gave me a way to escape from all my troubles. Thing is, as I grew up and started to look at the media I consumed with a more critical eye I found it less enjoyable than before. When I did enjoy the series I was a closeted teenager. Due to this, I found it easy to ignore the sexism, racism, homophobia and transphobia throughout the series. Then I came out as gay, then trans and along the way got to know a lot of women, non-white and LGBT friends. This opened my eyes to just how horrible this series is. After this facade was broken I found that the gameplay and world building was just as hallow. Now no review is free from bias, whether intentional or otherwise outside influences will affect how you process media. By telling you my history with the GTA series I want to be upfront and open about my bias. At one point GTA 3 used to be my favourite game but after over a decade of life experience as an LGBT person, I can’t stand it. I will point blank admit this is because of the horrible use of slurs, stereotypes and flat-out misinformation in relation to my community. For me playing almost any GTA game feels all too similar to the times I was attacked for my appearance, sexuality and/or gender. There, now you know my history with Grand Theft Auto, so let us move on.

Every game in this series since GTA 3 has used the same basic structure for all its characters. They start out as a small-time criminal with a violent and selfish personality. The entire point of the game is to simply go from small-time thug to big-time crime lord. Grand Theft Auto 5 tries to break this tired character mould by introducing 3 playable characters. Sadly all 3 characters still fall into the same mould and as such fail to feel even a little interesting. First off you have Franklin who is my favourite but only by a process of elimination. Franklin is your typical self-interested criminal more or less forced into crime similar to Vic Vance or Carl Johnson from previous games. Then you have Michael, the retired self-interested criminal who is forced back into crime. This character has been seen in Liberty City stories and GTA4 among others. Lastly, you have a favourite of Rockstar’s, Trevor the straight up psychopath. This take on the GTA protagonist has been previously seen in GTA 2 & 3 as well as Vice City. To say Rockstar lacks decent characters in the Grand Theft Auto games is an understatement and putting 3 in one game doesn’t help.

Then we have GTA 5’s attempt at satire of the modern tech-obsessed world that comes off more as old men moaning about kids these days. You have the dreadful radio hosts, reality TV shows and celebrities all mocked in a way that shows next to no understanding of any of it. All it amounts to is showing a really silly straw-man parody of something then having the characters say it’s stupid. This makes no sense seeing as the actual real-life version of what you’re mocking is nothing like your parody. Let’s look at GTA’s Call of Duty spoof Righteous Slaughter for an example. We hear Michael’s son Jimmy shouting sexual and obscene things at other players. Now, this could say something important about how hostile the online gaming scene is for anyone, not a cishet guy. Many people outside of that demographic are forced to hide their identity when playing online or just avoid it all together because of this harassment. But that’s not the point of the parody or of Jimmy’s character. Instead, all it amounts to is moaning about how spoiled all the kids are nowadays hiding in their dark rooms never going outside. Which is absolutely pointless commentary that doesn’t even match up to real life unless your a middle-aged person completely misunderstanding the modern youth. Instead of this, they could have looked at how these games are slowly becoming more predatory towards the customers. Mocking things like never ending DLC, Season Passes and so on. Of course, they can’t do that though because then they would be mocking their own ridiculous pay-to-win experience that is Grand Theft Auto Online.

Well if the characters and writing are awful is the gameplay any good? For a while it’s fun. In combat, you can take cover to blind fire or lean out for more precise shots. This is obversely better with the mouse as with most shooting but the lock on makes using a controller more than possible. The driving is less weight based than Grand Theft Auto 4 giving you a nice balance between realism and fun. Vehicles tend to take less visible damage than in GTA 4 but do take on more realistic mechanical problems. It’s possible to leak fuel, set the radiator on fire and so on. I don’t really think the driving and damage is any better or worse than GTA 4 as the differences will most likely come down to personal preference. If you want your cars to look more damaged then GTA 4 is for you but if you like them feeling more messed up then you will wanna play GTA 5. Then you have the planes and helicopters. While a lot of these do start feeling the same as each other they are good to have access to. I’ve spent a lot of time just flying around this map both on and offline. While it’s not perfect with cover feeling a bit too sticky at times as well as combat coming off a little mindless due to the lock-on when using a controller the gameplay is still plenty enjoyable.

All of this gameplay is in service to a massive world with lots of little details. You’re able to get taxi’s to anywhere on the map, play the stock market, browse the in-game internet and more. The depth that you can dive into this world is very impressive and throughout the story, your actions feel permanent. Any characters that die in the plot will remain dead and character relationships will drastically change. That is except when they don’t. During a bank robbery, you shoot down a helicopter that then smashes into and damages a nearby building that remains damaged forever after this mission. But then lots of other missions will have you shooting down police choppers that don’t even mark the buildings they crash into. Outside of missions, you are not able to leave any impact at all on the world. You can ring a character up to hang out then set them on fire. This should have some impact on the relationship between the characters but it doesn’t. You can shoot up the queue to a nightclub sending all the people in the area running off screaming. However, you can drive around the block and come back only to find the club operating as normal again. It’s this lack of any real change that ultimately makes GTA 5 feel shallow and false when you really look at it. While it’s illusion of depth and realism is impressive at first glance it’s still only an illusion and one that shatters when you really look at it. Of course, this is the curse of most open-world games but I’d argue other similar games do it better.

See the thing is having characters that take visible damage or a working in-game stock market is all very impressive on paper but really it adds nothing. If we compare this game to Watch_Dogs 2 then we see that Watch Dogs includes details that add to the world and gameplay. The collectables are famous locations you can take selfies at using the ScoutX app. This takes you to most of the interesting places on the map and adds depth to the characters by having them all comment on your pics. Grand Theft Auto, on the other hand, mocks Facebook with the LifeInvader app but never allows you to use it. The collectables meanwhile are non-interactive pieces of a UFO. Finding these does next to nothing, no characters mention the existence of alien life and the world remains the same. Yes GTA5 is a very impressive game but sadly I find it’s only in the ways that don’t matter. When I play Watch_Dogs 2 I find myself invested in finding all the ScoutX landmarks just to get more interaction with the amazing cast. When I’m not photobombing tourist spots I’m on the Driver San Francisco app taking passengers on adventures. Listening to the well-written dialogue that tells me more about the world and backstory. Then we look at GTA 5 and after you’ve finished the main story it’s just the same cycle of going on a rampage, dying then doing it again. You can steal a taxi and drive people around but they never offer any interesting stories or world building. They barely even talk to you. The PC version of the game has mods which help a lot with the post-story longevity but only so much.

I’ve put this game down a lot in this review but this is just how I feel. Now I’m not a fool, lots of people love this game and I’m not here to tell you that you’re wrong. Continue to love this game and this series but please don’t make the same mistakes I made as a teen. This series is not perfect and it’s not above criticism. For me, Watch_Dogs 2, Saint Row 2 and even Retro City Rampage have bested the Grand Theft Auto series at its own game. I find GTA 5 dull with very little to offer. Now with a 97 on Metacritic, I know my score will feel low but it’s my honest opinion. I don’t think that Grand Theft Auto V is a good game and it’s far from a great game. At best it’s fun to mod but that’s about all I use it for now. I doubt I will ever play the PS3 or PS4 versions again as they offer me nothing that I can’t get in a higher quality elsewhere.

Recommendation Rating: 4 out of 10



DOOM VFR Review I played on: PSVR

I paid: £19.99

Available on: PSVR, Vive

Notes: N/A As the title would suggest DOOM VFR takes the brutal gameplay from 2016’s DOOM and moves it into VR. I can only really describe the result with the praise; Metal as fuck!

In some regards, I do mean Metal in terms of the music genre that has had a massive impact on the series. The soundtrack is amazing and makes taking on the hoards of Hell even more impressive. Mick Gordon’s music is one of the best parts of this game and with so much great stuff that’s really high praise. Tracks take a lot of inspiration from the original Dos games but with much more punch. When you have your headphones on this soundtrack is the audio equivalent of being in the middle of a mosh pit. Which most of the time you are with the number of enemies you will be taking on at once.

True to the original 1993 Doom most your time will be spent taking on hoards of demonic creatures. The thing that VR does really well is scale and that alone can make a lot of these monsters rather imposing. I’ve been playing the Doom games on and off for my entire life. Even so when I first saw creatures like the Baron or the Hell Knight in VR I was shocked at their massive size. When they’re standing next to you and you have to strain your neck to look up at them you gain a whole new level of respect for these beasts.

Most of these furious creatures are capable of easily killing you so it’s vital you keep moving at all times. This is done one of two ways. You can move in one of the 4 basic directions with the directional pad or use L2 to teleport around the area. Those that suffer from motion sickness might want to avoid using the directional buttons. I personally never had an issue with this myself but VR affects everyone differently. Seeing as DOOM VFR was my first VR game I found the movement a little jarring at first but by the end of the game, it felt as natural as walking in real life. You can also use the motion controllers during gameplay. Both the motion controllers and the standard PS4 controller have their ups and downs. The freedom to be able to fire where you point your gun instead of where your looking makes shooting easier with the motion controllers. On the other hand, the movement is much more manageable with the PS4 controller. I found myself switching between both depending on my mood and the types of enemies I had to take on.

Even after you’ve got the hang of the controls this game is difficult. I found myself dying quite a few times during my playthrough. Never enough to put me off the game as at no point does it feel unfair or unbalanced. If you die then it’s because you did something wrong. The most common mistake will be standing still. You always want to keep moving during this game. Stopping to line up a shoot or catch your breath is never a good idea. There is a wonderful balance between health and ammo pickups that ties in with the combat. If you kill an enemy via normal bullet-riddled means they will drop more ammo. If you stagger them and then teleport into them they will explode dropping more health items. This is known as Telefragging. Juggling your health bar and ammo via shooting and telefragging is the key to mastering this combat system. What DOOM VFR does is take rather simple systems and creates an intense act of carnage that it forces you to master. I very often found myself screaming with the crescendo of the music as the very last demon fell to my onslaught. Although hard when you manage to finish a level you will feel like the biggest badass in all of Hell.

Outside of the main campaign, you can play classic maps from the original games. Being able to explore these areas in virtual reality was a childhood dream come to life. I never imagined that I’d be able to explore the Moonbase from the original game like this. If childhood me could see this technology then I think my little head would explode. These classic maps are certainly more for fans of the old school games than they are fans of the modern ones. Still, if you’ve been playing this series as long as I have then you will really appreciate this bonus content.

All in all DOOM VFR blew my mind and rocked my socks. If you enjoyed id’s revival of the series in 2016 and own a VR headset then you will love this masterpiece!

Recommendation Rating: 8 out of 10.

The final minutes… Not gonna lie this is kinda exciting in a really depressing way. It feels like the end of an era. I’m not leaving Tumblr but it will change the site forever. Sex workers, kinksters and other people will lose their entire blogs and that could be a lot for some people. It’s horrible. While I’ll not be leaving my blog will be changing from January. My reviews will be only posted to my Blogger website which is http://www.mothgaming.co.uk/ so be sure to follow me and bookmark the site. I’ll have more info up soon. So ya, bye to those of you that will be leaving. And sorry to those that will be forced into leaving this hellsite.

A doodle of Claptrap that I did while watching some games of Poker Night 2. Really enjoying Borderlands 2 VR btw