As always we were woken with a start: the lights came on and the automated Tannoy voice started shouting our call signs. Getting dressed I looked at the clock. I had lain down less than an hour ago. I headed down the pole to the trucks and was handed the call slip "Make pumps plenty". What? That's a big incident.

Approaching the tower we could see that this was a bad one. The sky was glowing and parts of the building were already starting to fall down. We received our brief: 23rd floor, people stuck in their flat. Go!

Weighed down carrying 30kg-plus of equipment, not including our fire kit and breathing apparatus (BA), we made our way up a crowded stairwell, struggling to make progress.

Around the ninth floor we lost all visibility and the heat was rising. Still we continued up and up through the blackness. We reached what we believed to be the 19th or 20th floor but there was no way to tell. It was here where we found a couple trying to find their way out, panicking, choking, blinded by the thick toxic air.

A quick gauge check showed us that the amount of floors we'd climbed had taken its toll; we were getting low on air. There was no way we could make it to the 23rd floor and back to the bridgehead.

The couple were shouting and screaming to us between choking coughs, trying to tell us there were five more people on the floor above.

I had horrible decisions to make and a very short amount of time to make them.

We had stopped and lost our rhythm on the stairs; would we have enough air to leave this couple and to reach the next floor?

Grenfell Tower fire: How the community responded

Was the information we were getting from these people correct? After all, they were frantically panicking as they choked and suffered from the heat.

If we let them carry on down the stairs alone, could they find their own way out?

If we went up another floor, would we actually find the five?

If we found them, what state would they be in? Could the two of us get that many out, especially if one or more were unconscious?

How would we decide who to take?

Did we have enough air to make it back down to safety ourselves from where we were?

Could I live with the thought that saving two lives is better than taking the risk to go up and potentially save no one?

Come on, think! I thought to myself. Am I doing enough? Can I give more? Am I forgetting any of my training? Stop. Breathe. Think.

Then I started to panic. Why haven't we seen another crew for so long? Will another crew find them? The radios are playing up... have we missed an important message? Have all crews been pulled out? Is the structure still safe? Come on, make a decision...and make it quick, these people are choking.

I tried to radio down to entry control. "Alpha Control Priority!"

No response. I tried again. Still no response. Where are they? What's going on?

"Go ahead with priority, over."

“Alpha control, two casualties found approx 20th floor, crew now escorting them down, request another BA team be committed to reach flat on 23rd floor. Five casualties are reported apparently trying to make their way out on the floor above. Over.”

In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Show all 51 1 /51 In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Police have released images from inside the tower where at least 58 people have died Metropolitan Police In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A still from a video shared by polices what appears to be a stationary bicycle sitting among the ashes In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A still from a video shared by police shows the remnants of a burnt-out bathroom In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Picture showing the lifts on an unknown floor Metropolitan Police In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Emergency crews outside the front entrance to the tower Metropolitan Police In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Fire crews inspecting flats in the burnt out tower London Metropolitan Police In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Grenfell Tower is seen in the distance PA In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A drone flies near the scene of the fire which destroyed the Grenfell Tower block REUTERS/Stefan Wermuth In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire 'Theresa May Stay Away' message written on the messages of support at Latymer Community Church for those affected by the fire Ray Tang/REX In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire An aerial view of the area surrounding Grenfall tower Getty In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Donated shoes sit in the Westway Sports Centre near to the site of the Grenfell Tower fire Getty Images In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Messages of support for those affected by the massive fire in Grenfell Tower are displayed on a well near the tower in London AP In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A local resident stands on her balcony by the gutted Grenfell Tower in Latimer Road Getty Images In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Messages of condolence are left at a relief centre close to the scene of the fire that broke out at Grenfell Tower, EPA In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A police officer stands by a security cordon outside Latimer Road station Getty Images In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Firemen examine the scorched facade of the Grenfell Tower in London on a huge ladder AP In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A search dog is led through the rubble of the Grenfell Tower in London as firefighting continue to damp-down the deadly fire AP In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn comforts a local resident (name not given) at St Clement's Church in west London where volunteers have provided shelter and support for people affected by the fire at Grenfell Tower David Mirzoeff/PA In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn hugs councillor Mushtaq Lasharie as he arrives at St Clement's Church in Latimer Road, where volunteers have provided shelter and support for people affected by the fire at Grenfell Tower Getty Images In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn meeting staff and volunteers at St Clementís Church in Latimer Road David Mirzoeff/PA In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Firefighters with a dog walk around the base of the Grenfell Tower REUTERS/Peter Nicholls In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Emotions run high as people attend a candle lit vigil outside Notting Hill Methodist Church near the 24 storey residential Grenfell Tower block in Latimer Road, West London Getty Images In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Debris hangs from the blackened exterior of Grenfell Tower Getty Images In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A woman speaks to Mayor of London Sadiq Khan outside Notting Hill Methodist Church near Grenfell Tower in west London after a fire engulfed the 24-storey building Yui Mok/PA Wire In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A woman holds a missing person posters near the Grenfell Tower block REUTERS/Stefan Wermuth In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Sadiq Khan speaking with a resident James Gourley/REX In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Ken Livingstone walks near the scene of the Grenfell Tower fire Getty Images In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Mayor of London Sadiq Khan is confronted by Kai Ramos, 7, near Grenfell Tower in west London after a fire engulfed the 24-storey building Yui Mok/PA Wire In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Mayor of London Sadiq Khan speaks to a woman outside Notting Hill Methodist Church near Grenfell Tower Yui Mok/PA Wire In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Volunteers distribute aid near Grenfell Tower Getty Images In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Family and friends of missing Jessica Urbano, 12, wearing photographs of Jessica pinned to their t-shirts gather near Grenfell Tower EPA In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Family and friends of missing Jessica Urbano, 12, wearing photographs of Jessica pinned to their t-shirts gather near Grenfell Tower EPA In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Family and friends of missing Jessica Urbano, 12, wearing photographs of Jessica pinned to their t-shirts gather near Grenfell Tower EPA In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire People attend a vigil at Notting Hill Methodist Church near Grenfell Tower Getty Images In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire People gather to observe a vigil outside St Clement's Church following the blaze at Grenfell Tower Getty Images In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire People light candles as they observe a vigil outside St Clement's Church following the blaze at Grenfell Tower Getty Images In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire People attend a vigil at Notting Hill Methodist Church near Grenfell Tower Getty Images In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A man distributes food from the back of a van near the scene of the fire which destroyed the Grenfell Tower block REUTERS/Paul Hackett In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A firefighter is cheered near the scene of the fire which destroyed the Grenfell Tower block REUTERS/Paul Hackett In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A T-shirt with a written message from the London Fire Brigade hangs from a fence near The Grenfell Tower block REUTERS/Stefan Wermuth In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A young girl on her way to lay flowers near Grenfell Tower Getty Images In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire The remains of residential tower block Grenfell Tower are seen from Dixon House a nearby tower block Getty In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Volunteers prepare supplies for people affected by the Grenfell Tower block which was destroyed in a fire REUTERS/Neil Hall In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Volunteers move a car to make space for a lorry picking up supplies for people affected by the Grenfell Tower block REUTERS/Stefan Wermuth In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire People distribute boxes of food near the scene of the fire which destroyed the Grenfell Tower bloc REUTERS/Paul Hackett In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A woman touches a missing poster for 12-year-old Jessica Urbano on a tribute wall after laying flowers on the side of Latymer Community Church next to the fire-gutted Grenfell Tower AP In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire A man looks at messages written on a wall near the scene of the fire which destroyed the Grenfell Tower block REUTERS/Paul Hackett In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Candles and messages of condolence near where the fire broke out at Grenfell Tower EPA In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Police carry a stretcher towards Grenfell Tower Rick Findler/PA Wire In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Emergency services at Grenfell Tower Rick Findler/PA Wire In Pictures: Grenfell Tower after the fire Police carry out a body from Grenfell Tower in west London after a fire engulfed the 24-storey building Rick Findler/PA Wire

"Message received." OK, we really needed to get out. “Let's go! Grab my arm.”

Down and down we went. I heard a shout from behind me from my partner: the female casualty had become unconscious. My partner had to drag her down alone. I couldn’t help.

Two floors later, we found another crew making their way out. One of them was carrying a little girl. I handed off my casualty to the firefighter who had a free set of hands. “Please take him out," I shout, "we'll be right behind you." I turned to go and help my partner, but then he handed me something I'd not seen initially: a firefighter's helmet. Why does he have this? Where is the firefighter it belongs to?

Then I saw him. He was missing his helmet but was with my BA partner wearing no helmet and no breathing apparatus. “Are you ok? Where's your BA set?!"

He had given it to a casualty, he tells us, coughing, delirious from the heat and smoke. Still, he tried to help carry the casualty. Helping others is still his first thought.

“Get down those stairs, get down to the bridgehead!” I shouted at him.

I took the casualty down to the ground floor, while my partner remained with the fireman we found, administering him oxygen at entry control on the fifth floor.

Ascending back to the bridgehead to find my partner, I shut my set down and I took my mask off, hoping for a deep breath of clean air. I sucked in a lungful of lightish smoke. I coughed and retched, but it was still clean enough to breathe. It was better than the air higher up. Then we were off again and we took the firefighter down and out with us.

As we got outside, we were desperate for a drink of water, collapsing on the grass by the leisure centre. Colleagues were all around us, tunics off, their T-shirts soaked through with sweat, no one able to talk.

We were all looking up at the building we had just come out of. It was getting worse. The fire was everywhere.

It was hard to comprehend that we were just in there.

We caught our breaths, serviced our BA sets with new oxygen cylinders, and then we were ready to go again.

At a cordon a woman pleaded with me. Crying and pushing her phone at me, she said she had her friend on the line, a mother with a child, both trapped on the 11th floor.

It threw me and I struggled to reply. I looked across at a police officer and pointed, telling her he will take her to the people who will take her friend’s information and pass it on to the crews inside. Stay on the phone with her, I said. Tell her not to give up, we are still coming. We are still getting to people, I promised.

A while later, a senior officer was telling us he knew we'd already broken all the policies we have. He said he knew the risks we had taken but that’s not enough: we are going to have to take more. There are still a lot more people who need us.

He said he was going ask us to do things that would normally be unimaginable – to put our lives at risk even more than we already have.

The missing people from Grenfell Tower Show all 23 1 /23 The missing people from Grenfell Tower The missing people from Grenfell Tower Jeremiah, son of Zainab Dean The missing people from Grenfell Tower Zainab Dean The missing people from Grenfell Tower Malek Belkadi The missing people from Grenfell Tower Tamzin Belkadi The missing people from Grenfell Tower Rania Ibrham The missing people from Grenfell Tower Jessica Urbano The missing people from Grenfell Tower Yasin el-Wahabi and Nurhada el-Wahabi The missing people from Grenfell Tower Ali Yawar Jafari The missing people from Grenfell Tower Anthony Disson The missing people from Grenfell Tower Mohamed 'Saber' Neda The missing people from Grenfell Tower Mariem Elgwahry The missing people from Grenfell Tower Hesham Rahman The missing people from Grenfell Tower Mohamednur 'Mo' Tuccu The missing people from Grenfell Tower Hamid Kani The missing people from Grenfell Tower Mary Mendy The missing people from Grenfell Tower Sheila Smith The missing people from Grenfell Tower Khadija Saye The missing people from Grenfell Tower Berikti Habtom (L) was still missing according to her sister Arsiema Alula (R) The missing people from Grenfell Tower Ligaya Moore The missing people from Grenfell Tower Dennis Murphy The missing people from Grenfell Tower Nadia Choucair The missing people from Grenfell Tower Gloria Trevisan and Marco Gottardi The missing people from Grenfell Tower Sakineh Afraseiabi and Fatima Afraseiabi

Everyone was looking round at each other, listening to this officer try to motivate us into action again. He didn't need to, though: we were ready for it. This is what we train for.

Hour after hour, my colleagues were pushing themselves above and beyond what you'd think was humanly possible.

As the light broke, trucks with fresh crews arrived and those of us who were there early on were swapped over. No one wanted to leave, everyone willing to give more, but eventually we all had to leave the scene.

In four hours’ time we would be on duty again so we had to try to rest. I showered, but the smell of smoke wouldn’t go away. I washed three times before giving up. I felt beyond tired but I couldn’t sleep. There was too much going on in my head.

I had no appetite but I knew I needed to eat. I found a bed in the dorm room and eventually managed 45 minutes of sleep before waking up. I washed my face, got dressed and was ready to report for roll call, ready to do it all again.

This is only a small part of the things we saw and did on that night. Other stories will come out but some won't. Some will be kept by firefighters and the other emergency service workers hidden away deep in their thoughts, never to pass into words, but those emotional scars will be there forever.

We are a funny bunch – we like to laugh, to play jokes on each other; sometimes we are silent and won't tell you what we are thinking about. We laugh off the good-natured banter directed at us from outside the service and mostly manage to do the same with the insults we get as a public service, even when it's not always easy to do so.

But it is especially hard to think about those insults during times like this. When I think about all the things I've heard and seen on the news or social media, where people are calling us lazy or greedy because we dared to show anger at cuts to our service and the 1 per cent pay rise we've had imposed year after year, it's difficult.

After all that, I want to ask you this. If at some point we ask for your support or go out on strike, know it's not because we want to: it's because, when we say cuts are dangerous, it is you who we are looking out for.