Posted by Sir Cucumber at on Wednesday, February 13, 2008



Absolutely the best game I've played in years. And I have a large disposable income and know better than you, asswipe.



You can read the circular 2D hack'n'slash button mash RPG details at some other site that, you know, sells ad positions, but what this game really comes down to is a series of elegant balances, delicate combat dances, and the frequent frustration that nicked paint on walls around anyone with an NES who ever gave a fuck.



Continue Reading >>



You've got your typical Double Dragon dilemma of three swings or four before getting hit back. You've got the classic blinking knocked-down get up free hits as well, but press X once more and you're too tuckered to duck the knockout blow. Stack your stats and potion stock enough to take some punishment, but you'll have to eat a "C" for the stage and, pride aside, probably won't get more potion materials to replace the bunch you just wasted on a glucose drip. But at least you'll finally have some room in your saddle bags for more items, cause more bags cost more money and you could be spending that on stats. But without more bags you'll have to eat the fruit you grow with phozons you could have used to learn more spells instead of bringing that fruit back to better juke your stats by cooking- a process which requires the money you just spent buying bags.



Separating each stage into single battles lets you pick it up and put it down as you please, and prevents burnout from repetitive losses since "just once more" always only takes 1 to 3 minutes. And -write this down you EA-playing cinematically-driven passive-(aggressive)-entertainment code monkeys- losing so much is what makes it so satisfying when you win.



It also helps to have a carefully translated story which intricately intertwines five different characters who are all fun to play and eat everything in sight.



pretty pretty princess chases down sheep, beats senseless and eats.



The most common obligatory reviewer's knock I've read has been slowdown and constant load times but, look people, every other weekend I'm on my hands and knees in Gamestop like a base head who thinks they lost a rock in the carpet, crawling through the bottom shelf for just one more title to keep me from having to shut down and say goodbye to the finest console ever made. So shut up and use that time to drink. All I know is I faced 56 hours of merciless ridicule for playing what my housemate dubbed "the fairy dress-up game" and don't want a single one back.