“I think you’re actually going to like this, Roy. I’m going to come to Gadsden, Ala., with a team of high school cheerleaders, okay? We’ll meet you at the mall. Don’t worry, I can get you in. And then when the girls and I show up, if you can control yourself and behave, if you can somehow manage to keep little Roy in your little cowboy pants when those nubile cheerleaders come bounding in, you and I, we’ll sit down at the food court, we’ll have a little Panda Express and we’ll talk about Christian values.

“So if you are challenging me to a fight, here’s what we’ll do. Let’s find a place to do it. I’ll wear a Girl Scout uniform so you can have something to get excited about. And the winner, whoever wins the fight, will give all the money we charge for the tickets to charity. My charity will be the women who came forward to say you molested them, okay? Alright, tough guy, with your little pistol?” – Jimmy Kimmel, on last night’s show.

