How Ignorance And Mental Health Stigma Ruined My Sunday Brunch

Wow. I just received the most offensive message on Facebook. The message asked me ... "Funny how you are able to go out for brunch or to a festival when you're supposed to be so "depressed" you're having a hard time even working."

THIS is exactly why people who are suffering do not come forward. And they suffer alone. And avoid treatment. Until it turns into the worst possible outcome. And then all you hear is "if we only knew" or "why didn't they ask for help."

When I made the decision to come so forward publicly on social media about my ongoing battle with depression, anxiety, PTSD and ADHD, I was really self-conscious about it. But, I did it anyhow, in hopes of helping anyone else who is silently struggling. For the most part I’ve seen encouragement and support. Up until today, the worst response I’ve had was “why don’t you just meditate instead of all this expensive therapy…”

HOWEVER, just because I am struggling so much with my mental health, doesn't mean that I can't leave my bed and I sleep and am sad all day. Do I have days like that? Yes, definitely. At least twice a week. I have days I can hardly walk. I can't make a phone call. I can't even sit at my computer and edit photos. And on the days where I feel well enough to get out and run errands I’ve been neglecting, I’m met with anxiety that makes me have to sit in the post office parking lot and work up the "courage" to get out of my car and just buy stamps. It’s a lot of fun.

On the days that I'm feeling well and it's beautiful outside and I have friends that I feel guilty for never seeing, I'm going to get out and enjoy a "normal" day. And I shouldn't have to feel guilty for having a normal day any more than I should for having a bad day.

In addition, with all of this going on, I take care of my 4-year-old and 2-year-old on my own every other week. I'm beyond grateful for family and friends who help out anytime. All moms need "me" time and time with friends. Single moms with mental health issues who are having a kid-free good day need it just as much.

Let's pretend I'm a cancer patient going though chemo. It's draining. It's almost as debilitating as the cancer itself. If I'm having a good day and I want to get out in the sunshine with friends, would I get messages making me feel guilty? Questioning the severity of my cancer? Or if I even HAVE cancer? Likely not. I'm willing to bet I'd be getting messages of encouragement and messages saying how nice it is that I feel well and to enjoy my day.

THIS IS NO DIFFERENT. THIS IS THE STIGMA THAT NEEDS TO END.

My bad days involve not knowing if I can function, wanting to take my kids to the park and not being able to, side effects from starting and stopping medications while we try to find the magic combination, not being able to do photo sessions, feeling angry and feeling like "why me," and stressing about how to pay my rent and bills. Having to set up a GoFundMe to ask people for help is one of the worst things I've had to do. But I don't know how else to survive most days.

Here’s what I get to look forward to this week: I get to go in for a week of medical testing to see if I have an underlying auto-immune disease or some other chronic illness that's contributing to my mental health struggles, while waiting for my spot to open up in the partial hospitalization program I'm admitting myself to. Just hoping every single day that I can find an answer or a treatment method that helps me feel better and function again. Honestly, I’d rather be going to work like most people.

What does your week look like?

Either way, I think I deserve to be able to spend this sunny summer Sunday at brunch with my friends, with encouragement and without judgement. Don't you?