The room has become larger now

There is more space, for contemplation.

※This post will be a long one.

Things that bring me joy

Lately I’ve been meeting plenty of new people again.

Every time, I have the feeling that people see me as a ‘guitar person’

There was one moment in time when I only had eyes for the piano. Back then, I played just the piano with all my life..

The acoustic guitar was honestly and truly something I played for fun.

Even now when I meet up with my former teachers

they often tell me things like

“I find this hard to believe, because you had almost no experience with the guitar~”

Reaaally, I couldn’t play it (wry smile)

I’m not sure to what extent I could be considered an ‘experienced player’ though…

But I did try out all the band instruments, and the light music club,

Also took part in auditions,

But they weren’t really serious efforts, so I thought I won’t mention them anyway.

By the way, keyboard→bass→drums→guitar

That was my level of proficiency. Guitar was dead last by a significant margin. haha

I hardly knew how to play the electric guitar. I was dreadful at it.

I say this sometimes.

‘I was playing at least 12 hours a day for Bandori’s auditions!!”

I said that a lot in the past. But it was true.

Maybe I said it because putting a number to it leaves a greater impression.

Why 12 hours?

An extreeemely smart high school friend who was bound to be accepted into Tokyo University said to me,

“I only studied for 12 hours today.. damn”

with a despondent look on her face,

Ah, perhaps 12 hours is the bare minimum if you want to really excel at something,

I thought, well, why not use this as a guide,

And thus it became a measure of my effort.

Guitar for at least 12 hours,

I could only have yogurt for meals

(as I was on a diet)

Anyway, that was my life for about half a year to a year.

Anyway as I continued living like this

I did manage to lose some weight.

It’s just that, my physical and mental health…🤯

Incidentally

You might be curious as to why I went for a guitar audition

It’s because I suffered from vocal cord nodules, and I felt I might no longer get back my original voice again…I felt I might lose the ability to sing,

I went through that kind of period etc,

Well, whatever happened happened I guess, haha perhaps someday somewhere I’ll talk about it.

Similarly, despite people commenting how good I am at Garupa

I’ve never played a music game before, so at the start I couldn’t even play Easy or Normal,

I kept playing and playing, but even if you just do that, there’s still an insurmountable wall,

When I talk about “Garupa muscles”

I’m not entirely joking ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

This turned out to be suuuper long but

It’s the preface.

Things that I’ve gotten better at,

have increased accordingly

But precisely because I’m at this point where I am now

There are still so many things I cannot do.

(、._. )、

I shall now talk about something along those lines!

Every year without fail

The rainy season contemplatively juxtaposes one’s life with the wilted hydrangea.

I want to emphathise with the browned flowers.

Wondering from the bottom of my heart, at what age will I meet a similar fate.

Ha~ I’m still immature.

Times like this bring forth a vivid realisation of that.

And, the piano.

There was a delivery fee I think

So I steeled myself, and carried the piano back home.

It was seeeeriously heavy.

Long ago, I did simultaneously carry 2 acoustic guitars and an 88-key keyboard on my shoulders to the live house for a live…I must’ve been macho in my teens?

It is said that memories are often romanticised

Bad experiences, gone with the wind.

As for misery~

Around Stage 3 onwards there is nobody you can turn to

Around Stage 4 it’s just

Too painful so let’s put a lid on those memories.

But recently those memories,

Little by little, bit by bit,

Even recalling them has become tolerable now.

This must be because I’m blessed by the warmth of the Clue [TN: her fans]

And the wonderful acquaintances I’ve made.

I had a good think about it,

And confided in my mother.

Although I’ve never ever told anyone about it

I was immensely relieved that I could finally speak to someone about it.

Humans are resilient, and they always find a way.

I was honestly prepared to bring it with me to the grave, but anyway I can’t even remember why I thought that haha

That was wrong.

No man is an island.

These things that have been tinged with sorrowful memories

Seem to have faded away into the distance

When I moved away, I left the piano there as I was somewhat disinterested.

It was discovered when my mother’s warm affection melted its way through.

The keys were still functioning after years of silence

They were twinkling even brighter than I had remembered.

The sound sparkled.

Having even a single person who knows me,

Who understands me,

Is so important after all.

I’m grateful for a mother that accepts me

So I also want to become that person to someone,

Pour your heart out! to! me! 🤠

I couldn’t have written this if it wasn’t late into the night. haha

So, I thought I’d leave it here.

Finding a place for the piano

Took me a good amount of time rearranging my room

Mysteriously, the room has become larger than before.

Even though I added something big. A real mystery.

This change,

If I could’ve pulled it off in my more sensitive years

Then all the times I’ve fallen to the very bottom~!!

Wouldn’t have happened.

Even if someone told me to do that now

It’s impossible to willingly choose something you know is difficult.

Adults know that already

Children have to fumble around to discover it.

This is what happens when I lose myself in thought

I guess most people will be reading this in the morning? It’s close to 3am now.

Sorry for the heaviness 🐍 peculiar to late-night posts

The official site of Otsuka Sae FC 「Clue of SAEchigo」

Will have essays like this uploaded every now and then.

Written specially for my slightly more dedicated fans in the Clue, something more private and frank?

I intend to speak more freely on there 👶

10/13 is finally finally finally,

Otsuka Sae BIRTHDAY LIVE←💓

~SAEchism!~

The venue is my dearest wish, the place of memories, a triumphant return to Yokohama

Bay Hall.

The collab merchandise with LIVERTINE AGE

The cap and rucksack are now available for pre-orders.

Those are for SAEchism! too.

I wish I could spend every day alongside all of you with everyone decked out in SAEchism… ✨

#OtsukaSae

—

Source: https://ameblo.jp/otsuka-sae/entry-12489112995.html

Notes

– 「Clue of SAEchigo」 is Saechi’s official fan club. ‘Clue’ is wordplay on ‘crew’, and ‘go’ means a ship. Website: https://saechigo-crew.com

– Snakes are called ‘hebi’ in Japanese, so ‘🐍’ was a cute pun on ‘heaviness‘.

– I had been wanting to translate this post ever since I read it. The symbolism and metaphors… Got myself in all sorts of melancholy doing this. I tried my best to convey her thoughts and her poetic writing as unfiltered as possible. Hopefully you were able to take away something meaningful from Saechi’s words. Anyways, thank you for reading, and please support Saechi! ^^