The Bludspattaz are now a couple of weeks into their long and illustrious career. As with all greenskins they simply don’t know what it is to lose:

If they win, they win. And everyone gets told about it.

If they lost, then they didn’t lose cause they’re simply getting ready to come back for more.

If they all died and there’s no other Orruk about to see it happen then it never happened so they didn’t lose.

It’s like the old conundrum about tree’s falling in forests. But rather than bits of wood it’s a large, angry green-skinned brute. If the last Orruk falls in battle, and there’s no other Orruk there to see it happen, did it happen?

Obviously not.

The complexities of existential philosophy are somewhat lost on the greatest race in all the realms.

My first game was against Keith, the most veteran warboss of the 10 of us signed up to play. He plays Stunties (for those who don’t speak Orruk that means Duardin, for those who don’t speak “new GW” that means Dwarfs, specifically: Slayers) one of the hated arch-enemies of the greenskins. (It’s fair to say that everyone is an arch-enemy of the greenskins, even other greenskins if there is no one else present to fulfill that roll).

Roll on getting everything painted.

The game was what we technically call a “learning experience“. A “learning experience” is the polite phrase that gamers use when they don’t want to admit that they were totally battered. It’s not a bad thing, it was my first game, I was not expecting to win. Not much anyway.

We just kinda put the boards down and then played. Something I will not be doing again. And I didn’t really pay attention to how his Fyreslayers hulk up, so somewhat foolishly put the first objective in his half of the board, giving him 3 objective to take early control over. So yeah, that was 3 angry dwarfs at the end of the first phase I had to deal with. I killed one of them, but then the boyz got quite badly hurt. Sure they get better when they take damage, but not when they take all of it in one go.

In the week I got my folder and sleeves and had the dubious joy of filing 400+ cards, it’s not the most fun job in the world, but it is hugely rewarding. Evenings spent trawling through the folder and looking at interactions will hopefully give me some fun card combos to try out but for now I’ve been taking advice of people who have been playing the game longer than a few minutes.

The deck I am currently running is as follows:

Deck # Objectives # Goramorka’s Blessing 100 Call of the Waaagh! 90 Leadin’ By Example 103 Get Da Boss 93 More Choppin’ 104 Advancing Strike 234 Crush and Cleave 111 Alone in the Darkness 235 Waaagh! 116 Assassinate 237 Distraction 318 Brawl 241 Duel of Wits 320 Contained 248 Ephemeral Shield 322 Flawless Strategy 259 My Turn 343 Heroes All 261 Quick Thinker 347 Ploymaster 282 Ready For Action 348 Precise Use of Force 284 Rebound 349 Victorious Duel 305 Second Wind 354 Spoils of Battle 362 Awakened Weapon 376 Helpful Whisper 393 Incredible Strength 395 Light Armour 403 Shadeglass Dagger 410 Soultrap 420

Due to other engagements, I’ve been able to get more painting done than I expected and less playing that I had hoped, so WAAAAGH Dexta is fully painted!

My second game was against Joe. Joe has gone Stormcast for the time being, but has also got his stuff (mostly) painted. As cool as this game is, painted models just make it better. As this was my second game I went into it with a bit better idea of how to approach it. Sure not a great idea, but a better idea!

“Boss, I can ‘ere dem, dem iz well clompy” Basha growled with all the subtlety his eight foot frame could muster. “Dat’s yer own feet, idiot.” Snapped Hakka. Dexta rolled his eyes, by Orruk standards he was well above average intelligence, and had learned to accept that his boyz were not. “Shu’ up.” he barked. The sound of his command, muted by the fog in the room, still resonated off the cold, damp stone walls. A few meters away a silhouette appeared, tall and powerful, a titanic blade held, ready to strike, in both hands. Dexta grinned, he knew the shape, licking his teeth with his purple tongue he hefted his pair of axes. “Goldies.” Bonekutta spat into his hands before pulling his great axe from it’s mounting on his back. “Should be fun.” Nodding slowly Dexta spoke, “Dey know we’re ‘ere boyz. On three. One, two, go…”

Unlike some people (ahem) Joe hasn’t bought all of the game in one hit before really playing it, he’s about half way there. There is a disparity in our decks as I have a greater pool to choose from. Mine is loaded with recommended cards and his is not to the same extent, but seeing as how neither of us knows what we’re doing particularly that shouldn’t be too much of an issue.

We both lined up pretty aggressively, with the Orruks going straight in on the Stormcast. There was much rejoicing after causing one damage, only to promptly loose Basha after a totally ineffective charge against Steelheart. Then Steelheart and Dexta went at it, and despite taking a hefty 4 damage from the Stormcast the angry Orruk flattened his rival leader. (Avenging Basha was a convenient side effect.)

Going into the last phase it was 2 on 2 but my boyz were together and the Stormcast were split up, so Hakka and Bonekutta did the honourable thing and butchered the one they could get to.

I was all set up for another turn when Joe pointed out that it was actually game over. The Orc in me was ready to keep choppin’ but we didn’t need to. Orruks win, 8-3!

Maybe having the right cards did help (ok, they definitely did). I can see how some of them are very unlikely to leave my deck ever. There are a few I’m not sure of so will be looking for other things to run in their stead, Rebound and Soultrap don’t work for me because they rely on a 33% dice roll, and I’m not sure about Contained, Flawless Strategy and Ploymaster, so I’ll be opening up the file and seeing what might be better.

After the “learning experience” of game one, game two had me and the boyz feeling a lot happier.

Dexta stared out across the chamber, watching his blood slowly spill across the cold stone floor. In the distance and at a funny angle he could see Hakka and Bonekutta carving large chunks out one of the Goldies. He smiled, watching his boyz kill was one of life’s greatest pleasures, second only to enjoying the kill himself. It was a twisted blood-soaked smile that bared his yellow teeth into something of a feral grimace, but it was a smile by Ironjaw standards. He tried to lift his head to get a better view but then remembered it wasn’t connected to his body anymore. Oh well. There’d be another fight tomorrow. In his simplistic Orruk mind he understood it. He was blessed, he was immortal, and tomorrow he would fight again.

I like this game. I think I’ll play it some more.

Next Time: Practice Rollin’ Dice

If you play X-Wing I have a fairly established blog about it called Such An X-Wing Hipster