There was a simple reason why I married my man. I did so because I loved him and I felt his love towards me. I don’t think I’m alone in this because I believe this is the same reason why most brides married their husbands. We didn’t say ‘yes’ to our man because we wanted to go through life feeling discouraged or rejected by them. We said ‘yes’ because they made us feel treasured.

As wives, we need to feel cherished by our husbands but sometimes in our marital relationship the love extended by our husbands towards us can sometimes lessen or fade away. This can happen for a number of reasons:

1) The newness of the marital relationship has worn off and our husbands don’t know how to show us love when those warm, fuzzy feelings have diminished.

2) They are consumed by other pursuits, therefore, their focus is elsewhere. They are either busy or they don’t think there’s a need to give their wife the love she needs. In a husband’s mind, he thinks everything is fine in the marriage.

3) The man doesn’t care to love his wife, all he cares about is himself.

4) As wives, we can make it difficult for our men to love us because our actions and attitudes are, well… unlovable.

Being that we are known sinners, our husbands have a tall order to fill according to the Scriptures:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her. Ephesians 5:25

I personally believe this is an insurmountable task, especially for some husbands who dwell with a contentious wife. As a woman, I honestly think we got the easier command to just submit and respect our men!

So I ask you this question.

Do you make it easy for your husband to love you?

Of course, we’re not perfect and we’re going to fall short, but overall in your marriage would you say that your actions and attitudes towards your man make him scream,

“I can’t help but love this woman?”

Since love is an action, here are some ways you can help foster that love connection in your marriage…

1. Give your husband respect, (whether he deserves it or not).

2. Follow his lead and submit to him (but not his sin!)

3. Offer to help him.

4. Make eye contact when he’s speaking to you.

5. Be trustworthy and honorable.

6. Ask him how he feels respected by you and then bless him by doing it.

Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33

7. Watch your words.

Make sure they are uplifting and encouraging. One of the reasons why our men probably married us was because they thought we were kind and sweet. I know my man didn’t stand at the end of the wedding aisle waiting for me to say ‘I do’ to him so I could spew venom on him for the rest of his life!

Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness. Proverbs 31:26

8. Have a cheerful heart.

Work on your attitude so your husband will want to come home to you. No one enjoys being around a person who is constantly complaining and grumbling.

A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, But by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken. Proverbs 15:13 And my soul shall be joyful in the LORD; It shall rejoice in His salvation. Psalm 35:9

9. Let things go.

Don’t hold a grudge. When we do that, we communicate to our husbands that we think they’ve screwed up and we no longer respect them. This type of action and attitude hurts men deeply so don’t be surprised if your man pulls away from you. The bitterness in your heart will rob you of the love you desire.

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. Ephesians 4:31

10. Continue to become more like Jesus Christ.

As we grow in Godly character, this will naturally spill over into our marital relationship. Of course, becoming more like Jesus doesn’t just happen overnight. It takes time, dying to self, and complete devotion to following Him.

“He must increase, but I must decrease. John 3:30

Now keep this in mind… As wives, if we have a desire to please the Lord, the natural by-product of this is that we will constantly be seeking to respect and submit to our husbands. Well, this same premise applies to our husbands. If they desire to please the Lord, then our men will be learning and seeking to love us like Christ loves the church. These two things are an on-going process for the type of marriage that God intended.

Disclaimer: Biblical submission does not equate to physical abuse.

Live a poured out life for Christ,

Jolene Engle