Honored to announce @MichaelEssien part of #TeamClavijo â€¢Who is ready to see Essien and Bradley compete ????@MLS pic.twitter.com/NbrkTvgLkQ â€” ClavijoSoccerAgency (@ClavijoSoccer) November 16, 2014

Oh, the things you come across on a slow news weekend.

With the subtlety of a carnival barker, Clavijo Soccer Agency â€” operated by Nicolas Clavijo, son of former player and coach Fernando Clavijo â€” has announced to all that they have signed Michael Essien and he is sitting by his phone, waiting for someone in MLS to call. More likely, heâ€™s waiting for someone in MLS to make an offer that can be leveraged for a bigger one somewhere in the less glamorous parts of Europe, or the Middle East.

This is what MLS has become in the Designated Player era. Itâ€™s the first stop in the public negotiations tour of any player over 30. â€œPlayer X to America?â€ headlines are an easy way to get media attention (guilty) and, if itâ€™s the right guy, fans riled up, clamoring for their team to go out and spend.

Michael Essien will turn 32 in early December and is currently on the books at AC Milan. In this case, â€œon the booksâ€ is a wonderful way to say â€œcashing checks, but not playingâ€. He joined the club in January of 2014, signing a deal that expires next summer. He has only made 12 league appearances for Milan.

Once upon a time, Essien was on my Favorite Players Not On The Team I Support XI, during his years making JosÃ© Mourinho look special with Chelsea. He was amazing. That seems like ages ago. Even in 2012 when he went on loan to Real Madrid, I would have loved to see him in MLS. Now? Maybe not as much. Essienâ€™s got a lot of hard miles on his odometer, and heâ€™d probably be too expensive of a risk for anyone to take.

If nothing else, Clavijoâ€™s tweet could mark the official start to one of the best times of the year: That blurry period of Thanksgiving food comas and shopping for cheap electronics, punctuated by rumors of old, once-great players using Major League Soccer â€” and the illusion that it hands out $7 million deals to anyone to ever play in Europe â€” as a prime bargaining chip. Happy hunting, Michael.

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