Update: Faces and places have been blurred to protect the innocent…and I’m not talking about Barney.

Our visit started so well, as many do. Barney arrived, and was immediately released from his cardboard coffin. Lincoln was ecstatic. Honestly, he went straight to the box, grabbed Barney, and kept him close for the next few days. They cuddled. They laughed. They lounged around and enjoyed each other’s company.

Lincoln even took Barney outside to play hide and seek in the snow. It was the first snow of the year, and Lincoln was excited. Barney, not so much. All he did was whine about how he wanted to go out and party and drink some shots.

So, we got tired of the complaining and brought him in to warm up. Wouldn’t you know, we left him alone for a second, and he had already raided the Patron and made himself a margarita. Not to mention the straight shots and the beers. Sheesh.

Evidently Barney got a bit of cabin fever, and decided it was time to start drinking, even though it wasn’t even 12:00 p.m. He said, “Well, it’s noon somewhere, so let’s start the party!”

You know, it was all fun and games until my perfect little angel dog was involved. Were it not for the horrible influence of the purple one, I’m certain that Lincoln would still be amongst the innocent. As it turns out, though, Lincoln seems to be a “pleaser” who succumbs easily to purple peer pressure. Sad, but true, I’m sorry to say.

Now let’s be clear: We enjoy adult beverages around here. Why else would there be Patron at our bar, right? Not to mention the red wine that I drink on a regular basis (purely for health reasons, of course). I’m just sayin’…we’re not teetotalers. At all. But we do not drink and drive. It’s not just frowned upon, it’s dangerous. Little did we know that the purple bugger was going to jump behind the wheel of my car, throw my dog in the back seat, and take off. As soon as that happened, we knew nothing good could come of it. Sure enough, whoop, whoop…that’s the sound of the police.

Before we could shake a purple dinosaur tail, somebody was in custody. As you’ll see from the photo journal, it did not go well for Barney. Rumor has it he was insulting, insolent, recalcitrant, and full on non-compliant.

Just when it looked like Barney might spend the night in jail, somebody bailed him out. We suspect our beloved yet gullible three-legged red had something to do with it. Rumor is that his heartfelt plea did not fall on deaf ears, and all of his many doctors chipped in to help him out in his time of need. They can obviously afford it.

Wouldn’t you know it though, Mr. Purple decided he had enough of it here. I told him that he was not free to leave because he was under the conditions of the court, and that if he absconded, he would not only be in violation of that but he would also be a BAIL JUMPER. He didn’t seem to care that the doctors would lose their money (oddly, that may be the one thing we agreed on during his entire stay), and yelled, “I’m outta here, Lincoln. Stay outta trouble!!”

Sadly, Lincoln had a hard time saying goodbye and tried to follow him as he headed down the road. Alas, the purple one had to walk that road alone, as Lincoln, the three-legged red couldn’t make the journey.

This whole unfortunate incident reminds me of this saying I heard once…”There is plenty of law at the end of a nightstick. ~Grover Whalen