Work on your self-confidence.

“Loneliness can stem from insecurities. It’s hard to reach out and be open to friendships when you don’t feel that you are worth another person’s interest.”​—Jeanette.

The Bible says: “You must love your neighbor as yourself.” (Galatians 5:14) To enjoy healthy friendships, we need to have a measure of self-worth​—without, of course, veering into selfish pride.​—Galatians 6:3, 4.

Avoid self-pity.

“Loneliness is like quicksand. The more you wallow in it, the harder it is to get out of it. If you let it consume your thinking, soon you’ll have a full-fledged pity party that no one else wants to go to.”​—Erin.

The Bible says: “Love . . . does not look for its own interests.” (1 Corinthians 13:​4, 5) The fact is, when we focus too much on ourselves, we become less compassionate and are therefore less likely to attract friends. (2 Corinthians 12:15) Let’s face it: When your success is measured by how others act, you are setting yourself up to fail! Really, statements such as “No one ever calls me” and “No one ever invites me anywhere” put your happiness in the hands of others. Isn’t that giving them a little too much power?

Don’t settle for just anyone as a friend.

“Lonely people want attention, and they can get to a point where they don’t care who that attention comes from. They just want to feel wanted. But some people will make you feel wanted and then use you. Then you’ll feel lonelier than ever.”​—Brianne.

The Bible says: “The one walking with the wise will become wise, but the one who has dealings with the stupid will fare badly.” (Proverbs 13:20) A starving person will eat almost anything. In a similar way, people who are starved for friends could look for friendship in all the wrong places. They could even become easy targets for manipulators, thinking that such relationships are normal and that they shouldn’t expect anything better.

Conclusion: Everyone gets lonely at times; it’s just a matter of degree. And while loneliness can be a devastating feeling, in the end it’s just that​—a feeling. Our feelings are usually preceded by our thoughts, and we can take control of our thoughts.

Be realistic, too, in what you expect of others. “Not every person is going to be your best friend forever,” says Jeanette, quoted earlier, “but you will find people who care about you. And care is enough. That’s what helps keep loneliness at bay.”

Need more help? Read “Overcoming Fears About Friendship.” Also download the PDF “Working Through Loneliness.”