User Info: Badkarma545 Badkarma545 8 years ago #1



"Me: Cool. But like, how many vampires are we talking about here?"



"Main quest guy: Probably three or four-hundred. Maybe a thousand. Honestly I don't have a clue. Lots though."



"Me: Um. K. How many members of the dawnguard are there?"



"Main quest guy: Including you?"



"Me: Yeah"



"Main quest guy: Four. Including the dogs, six."



"Me: ..."



---- FOUND GUY



"Me: DOOD! Vampires! Need your help bro."



"Guy: No problem chief! But hook a brother up first. Could you go do this little thing for me that will take you an hour of RL time and yield almost no rewards at all?"



"Me: ... Um, do you like, REALLY, need that bag of carrots for this? Did I mention vampires? Cause that's kind of important. There's lots of them. They seem pretty pissed. Times kind of a factor here."



"Guy: .... I wont do it without my carrots."



"Me: Cant I just buy you carrots on the way? There's literally like 10 million carrots between here and there."



"Guy: But they aren't MY carrots. I want my carrots."



"Me: *Sigh. Fine, lets go."



"Guy: Oh, I'm not going with you"



"Me: What?! They're YOU'RE carrots man!"



"Guy: I have to stay here and hold this torch"



"Me: BRING THE F****** TORCH!"



"Guy: Sorry. I'm kind of the 'torch guy' round here. Pretty big deal. Especially at night. Dark out."



"Me: Dude, seriously. Did you not see me just single handedly chop a blood dragon to pieces in like 12 seconds? I literally wander the wilderness looking for fire breathing dragons to kill. Thats what I do in my free time. See this sword? Yeah, a GOD gave this to me. Oh and also, I can shatter every bone in your body if I cough."



"Guy:... Sorry. Got this torch."



"Me: Oh my god. You..... Fine. Fine. Where are your damn carrots."



"Guy: Creepycave"



"Me: WHAT?! That's ....are you serious?! Thats on THE OTHER SIDE OF SKYRIM! How did you even get over there?! Plus that cave is literally FILLED with undead warriors and necromancers!! Like, FILLED WITH THEM! How the hell did your carrots end up in there?!"



"Guy: Do you want my help or not?"



"Me: I swear to god if you don't end up playing a pivotal role in this I'm going to literally set you on fire."



-------MUCH LATER



"Main quest guy: Good job saving the world from vampires. REALLY wish I could have been there to see it, bro. But you know, kinda needed to wander aimlessly through my giant empty fortress."



"Me: Whatever. It's fine. I mean, I was almost served a gruesome death literally countless times. But naw, we're cool. So, what now?"



"Main quest guy: Oh, um well we're done here. Not much need for the dawnguard now. No vampires and all that, Sooooo, y'know. Good look with everything. Oh, almost forgot! Here's a armored troll for your hard work saving humanity from certain doom"



Me: WTF am I supposed to do with this thing?!



"Main quest guy: I dunno. He's your problem now. Also, he's kind of mentally challenged. Probably best if you chain him to something. Well, good luck with everything."



"Me: ... I should've been a torch guy." "Main quest guy: Find this guy. He's really important""Me: Cool. But like, how many vampires are we talking about here?""Main quest guy: Probably three or four-hundred. Maybe a thousand. Honestly I don't have a clue. Lots though.""Me: Um. K. How many members of the dawnguard are there?""Main quest guy: Including you?""Me: Yeah""Main quest guy: Four. Including the dogs, six.""Me: ..."---- FOUND GUY"Me: DOOD! Vampires! Need your help bro.""Guy: No problem chief! But hook a brother up first. Could you go do this little thing for me that will take you an hour of RL time and yield almost no rewards at all?""Me: ... Um, do you like, REALLY, need that bag of carrots for this? Did I mention vampires? Cause that's kind of important. There's lots of them. They seem pretty pissed. Times kind of a factor here.""Guy: .... I wont do it without my carrots.""Me: Cant I just buy you carrots on the way? There's literally like 10 million carrots between here and there.""Guy: But they aren't MY carrots. I want my carrots.""Me: *Sigh. Fine, lets go.""Guy: Oh, I'm not going with you""Me: What?! They're YOU'RE carrots man!""Guy: I have to stay here and hold this torch""Me: BRING THE F****** TORCH!""Guy: Sorry. I'm kind of the 'torch guy' round here. Pretty big deal. Especially at night. Dark out.""Me: Dude, seriously. Did you not see me just single handedly chop a blood dragon to pieces in like 12 seconds? I literally wander the wilderness looking for fire breathing dragons to kill. Thats what I do in my free time. See this sword? Yeah, a GOD gave this to me. Oh and also, I can shatter every bone in your body if I cough.""Guy:... Sorry. Got this torch.""Me: Oh my god. You..... Fine. Fine. Where are your damn carrots.""Guy: Creepycave""Me: WHAT?! That's ....are you serious?! Thats on THE OTHER SIDE OF SKYRIM! How did you even get over there?! Plus that cave is literally FILLED with undead warriors and necromancers!! Like, FILLED WITH THEM! How the hell did your carrots end up in there?!""Guy: Do you want my help or not?""Me: I swear to god if you don't end up playing a pivotal role in this I'm going to literally set you on fire."-------MUCH LATER"Main quest guy: Good job saving the world from vampires. REALLY wish I could have been there to see it, bro. But you know, kinda needed to wander aimlessly through my giant empty fortress.""Me: Whatever. It's fine. I mean, I was almost served a gruesome death literally countless times. But naw, we're cool. So, what now?""Main quest guy: Oh, um well we're done here. Not much need for the dawnguard now. No vampires and all that, Sooooo, y'know. Good look with everything. Oh, almost forgot! Here's a armored troll for your hard work saving humanity from certain doom"Me: WTF am I supposed to do with this thing?!"Main quest guy: I dunno. He's your problem now. Also, he's kind of mentally challenged. Probably best if you chain him to something. Well, good luck with everything.""Me: ... I should've been a torch guy."