Sometimes my husband causes me to sin. He isn’t very helpful around the house. He works too late, and he should stop doing this because it makes me upset and unloving, thus, sin. Actually if he could do all the housework and go to work and provide for us then I wouldn’t be so tempted to sin by thinking bad thoughts about him.

Likewise, God is really tempting me into doubting Him. He isn’t blessing my family with riches and an easy life as he promises in the Old Testament to those who obey Him. I think God should start making our life much better so that I could not sin so much. He really is quite the stumbling block to my worship life.

Now, really, that sounds ridiculous. And yet, we hear it all the time when women are told to dress modestly.

Example One

Example Two This post actually contains this line “When a woman wears pants, subconsciously, she wants the man to look upon her with lustful thoughts.” I imagine that this is a big shock to the many pants wearing women out there. I can assure you that when I wore pants it was not in hopes that men would lust after me. I wore them because they were comfortable and practical and warm in wintertime.

I usually cringe inwardly when I see another post like the two above being shared on Facebook. It just feels wrong and yet I couldn’t explain why. It wasn’t until I started thinking of other situations and applying the same logic that it became clear just how wrong and ridiculous that line of thinking is.

I think part of the problem is that there is a huge emphasis put on the thought process of lust within Christian circles. The popular wisdom says it’s not only wrong to physically commit adultery, but also to THINK about committing adultery. This puts enormous pressure on men to severely control their thought life. It is good to control our thoughts, because actions are started with thoughts. But to say that we can never ever have wrong thoughts is not helpful, or reasonable. I think there should be much more emphasis on not continuing wrong thoughts rather than condemning even the involuntary thoughts that spring to mind at times.

As an example: A girl is washing the family car with the water hose. She sees her sister/brother/mom/dad walk by and just like that she realizes that ‘hey, I could direct the hose at them.’ She doesn’t have any ill will toward this family member, it was just an involuntary thought. Humans have the ability to connect objects together and this is a good skill when it creates thoughts of applying water to a dirty car.

I’m really not fond of the whole modesty thing. I have nothing against modesty itself, or the idea of it. The problem I have is that it’s so subjective. One person’s version of modesty is another person’s idea of complete immorality. My brother thinks that if your butt and breasts are covered then you are decently dressed. Some think that the entire arm must be covered, and others think elbows should be covered. Still others say sleeveless is fine as long as it’s not spaghetti straps. There are those who think that women should only wear dresses or skirts, and those who say pants are fine as long as they aren’t tight.

Some people would say I dress modestly and others would think I’m flamboyantly immodest. I remember seeing a Muslim woman at a Target store in Philly who was dressed head to toe in black. The only thing visible was her face. But not her neck or ears or hair. I felt a bit exposed next to her.

It should be noted that Adam and Eve were naked in the garden, and there is no mention of Adam being unable to control his lustful thoughts. It seems that only became a problem once people were dressed. Which also brings up another thought. I believe that when you commonly see women dressed ‘immorally’ you become used to it and it doesn’t cause thoughts of lust anymore than a ‘morally’ dressed woman does. But when you tell women that their knees must always be covered then the sight of bare knees becomes tantalizing. And so I question whether modesty standards actually have the effect of sexualizing a woman’s body.

If we accepted our bodies as normal healthy beings made to function in many ways and stopped putting an emphasis on it’s sexuality we would be all the wiser. Clothing should serve as comfortable and functional things to keep us warm and protect us from the elements, not trappings of legalism that cause guilt and shame.

So dress how you feel is modest, but please, please don’t make women responsible for men’s thought life. If thoughts enter your mind that you consider unclean, stop thinking those thoughts, but don’t condemn someone else. We need strong young men who take responsibility for their lives, and teaching them that women are the cause of lustful thoughts is a step in the wrong direction.