The guy eating

This genius feels it’s a great time to rack up some calories. Whether it’s carrot sticks or a sloppy joe from the previous night, dude has got to chew on something, right now. He’ll show ultimate respect for the meeting by jumping up “for a quick sec” to grab some hot sauce. Way to multitask.

The latecomer

He comes in loudly, stressed, and soooooo sorry — but definitely with a latte from the coffee shop. Oh, yeah, it’s totally cool, no worries, we’ll just start from the complete beginning again. Traffic is so unpredictable, amiright?!

The guy that doesn’t belong

No one really knows who this person is, he’s just kind of there on the side of the room, fidgeting. It’s not clear who invited this intrepid officemate and it’s apparent on his face that he doesn’t feel comfortable either. No one will mention it, though it might make for a real knee-slapper at lunch. “Who the heck was that guy!?” Good one Greg!

The guy that takes everything personally

Perhaps this sassy dumpling is running the meeting. What we know for sure is that when you are talking about his idea, you better tread lightly because anything remotely negative is going to taken as an offense. He is difficult to work with, but his loud and “correct” opinions are impossible to ignore. Bring your stress ball and prepare to compromise.

The suck up

Ahh yes, the suck up. The Chatty Kathy, the brownnoser, the hand-raiser. This guy has probably worked at the company only slightly longer than you, but still acts like he knows “loads” more. Any time the meeting opens to commentary his hand rockets up and he delivers his meaningless point with smug satisfaction, making sure to look around the group as he is talking, impressing no one with his one-liner that “we are all on the same team here, okay?”

The buzzword guy

Second only to the hand-raising suck up in amount of talk time, the buzzword guy thinks he’s pretty hip. He’ll hijack the meeting when he can and drop phrases from tech blogs like big-data, pivot, and disrupt with no regard for the audience or the topic. He just got back from a rock-climbing trip out in J-Tree and wants to show you his sick calluses.

The unprepared presenter

You passed by his desk on the way to the meeting and said you’d see him there. Normally pretty on top of things, he’s completely forgotten about the meeting and his presentation. He tries to prepare while in the meeting and does a half-assed job, embarrassing the takes-everything-personally coworker he was managing the project with. Buzzword guy high-fives him at lunch and compliments his meeting-hack skills. Sick.

The distracting guy

Affable as he may be, this guy cannot keep it together when there is a group around him. He is putting on a performance, the stage is the conference room and his co-workers the audience. Maybe the first little comment was funny but he just doesn’t know when to quit. Derailing the meeting until he is scolded by the regional manager and told to shut up, he’s an anti-productivity hero.

The guy who just doesn’t get it

Always a little slow on the up-take, this time he’s has taken it to a new level. Stopping the presentation at nearly every slide to “just go over that one more time,” several more times. He’s a nice guy, but damn it all, this technology stuff just confuses him. PDF? Whaaaaaaat?

The guy who’s clearly not paying attention

Quietly clacking away on his laptop, everyone thinks he’s writing copious notes, slightly impressed, but you can see his screen. Comparing nose hair trimmers on Amazon has to take place right now. Maybe a tweet or two. He doesn’t get caught, but you throw him the stink eye when you can and feel good when he makes furtive eye contact with you.