CHAPPEQUA – Hillary Clinton needs something to do. Bill is freaking out because, if he has to spend a lot of time around her, he’d just as soon check out now. So he’s persuaded his wife to open an upscale bridal store right here in Westchester County, with only the bridesmaid in mind.

“Always A Bridesmaid – Never A Bride” is the clever name Bill came up with for the shop. “Who else knows better than my wife what it feels like to come in second place, over and over and over again?” he asked. “It just seemed like a no-brainer.”

Hillary seems resigned to her next job. “Bridesmaids need love and attention too,” she explained. “I’ve been the bride two times in my political life, and the American people left me standing at the altar! – TWICE!! I’m not bitter (on the outside), but the jealousy and contempt many bridesmaids feel toward the bride on her wedding day rages eternally inside, to the very core of my being.”

But Hillary can relate to the bridal sidekicks. “I found it shocking that many Americans can’t afford a $3 million wedding, like we did for Chelsea. I want to be a champion for those poor women. And, like many bridesmaids forced to wear atrocious dresses, I too wear hideous clothing. So, I think it will be a good fit for me.”

Hillary said her fantasy is to design wedding pantsuits, and that they will become the norm in bridal wear for the runners-up in life.

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