By Jill Anne LaZare

The allegations of attempted rape against Judge Brett Kavanaugh, sadly, ring true to me.

My own experience as the victim of an attempted rape -- something I never have discussed publicly and have shared with very few people -- are in many ways very parallel to the assault Dr. Christine Blasey Ford described. And as to why she never came forward before, denial is a powerful thing.

Indeed, it was just this week, when I was first thinking about writing this piece, that I even looked up my attacker on the Internet to see what happened in his life. He was the son of a high profile politician and, it turns out, he has been a successful politician himself, having been elected to office multiple times.

How to watch Christine Blasey Ford testify at Kavanaugh hearing: Time, date, livestream



My purpose in writing this is not to seek retribution after all these years, so I am not naming him now, but to respond to President Trump's most recent outrage: that if the experience was really so bad, the victim would have reported it at that time.

LaZare: My guess is that he is guilty. With a third accuser emerging today, we should not take the risk that he is, in fact, guilty. We should find someone else to be one of the nine to sit on our country's highest tribunal. (Photo courtesy of Jill Anne LaZare)

It is the need to not feel victimized, the need to not feel a victim, that is the basis of my continuing to refuse to acknowledge that, in fact, I was victimized. If not for my denial, the scars I would carry from the attempted rape might prove too difficult to survive from and to carry-on a productive life. I, as a woman, refused to be a victim and instead insist on being strong and denying that a man's attempt to cause me to feel a victim for the rest of my life.



Having said that, if my perpetrator were seeking to hold one of the most powerful positions in our country , to become a U.S. Supreme Court justice, I, too, like Professor Ford, would come forward and identify who he is in the hope that the country as a whole would come together to agree this is not the type of person to pass judgment on anyone else.

What happened so many decades ago is still clear in my mind because of how devastating it was to me. It's offensive to think that anyone should suggest that it could not have been that bad because I did not report it at that time.

This is what happened to me.

I had gone skiing in the Poconos with a friend. We went out to a bar afterwards and met up with a group of other skiers about our age and then went back to one of the skier's chalet afterwards, though my girlfriend went back to the hostel where we were staying. While we were there, I had to use the bathroom. When I came out of the bathroom, I was the only guest left at the chalet besides the owner. He proceeded to throw me onto the bed, rip my clothing off of my body, and try to penetrate me.

I fought all the way and was sure I was not going to live to see the outside of that chalet again. I did, however, continue to fight hard and for some inexplicable reason he finally relented and let me run out of the house with as much of my clothing as I could quickly gather up and escape with. I very clearly recall throwing whatever I could on to me as I scrambled into my car, fearful he was going to be coming after me.



That is my story.

I never reported it. I told my girlfriend -- but no one else at that time. And I told my husband at some point in our relationship.



Indeed, when we were watching the news Sunday morning on the allegations against Kavanaugh, and I mentioned to my husband that I had a similar experience, his response was that he had been thinking about what had happened to me all week, every time someone questioned the accuracy of the allegation.

Apparently my horror had been communicated to him over the years in a way my conscious self had been unable to acknowledge. He understood how I had been victimized in a fundamental way even though I remained in denial.



So I say to the deniers of Ford's allegations, if you are a woman, think about your own experiences and ask whether this seems real to you; and if you are a man, ask the women in your life. This type of attack is unbelievably common, and yet rarely reported.



I do not know for sure what happened between the teenage Kavanaugh and his claimed victims, but why should we even take a chance on allowing someone who might be an attempted rapist on nation's highest court?

He is already a sitting judge, and since it is unlikely that there will ever be firm proof either way, we should find someone else to be one of the nine justices on the Supreme Court.

My guess is that he is guilty. With a third accuser emerging today, we should not take the risk that he is, in fact, guilty. We should find someone else to be one of the nine to sit on our country's highest tribunal.

Jill Anne LaZare, an attorney with law offices in Summit, was a candidate for the state Senate in 2017. She is also co-president of Union County's chapter of National Organization for Women.

More on the Kavanaugh hearing

A 2nd woman has accused Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh of sexual assault

N.J. lawmakers take aim at Brett Kavanaugh and back victims of sexual assault

If Kavanaugh makes it onto Supreme Court, here's what it could mean for N.J. cases

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