Sometimes, a man wants breakfast.

Just breakfast.

No reductions. No chutney infused mimosa with champagne glazed short rib waffles. No new aged grits. (Don’t get me wrong, I like those things.)

But sometimes you need the staples. Bacon, eggs and potatoes. Maybe some old dude reading the paper in the corner with one piece of bacon. I don’t know. But what I do know is that the Mixing Bowl Noshery is nothing like its name suggests. Or what it sounds like. I had to google what Noshery meant. Don’t judge me.

It’s an honest to God breakfast place. And I liked it. A lot.

When Katie told me we were going, I was worried. Its name sounded like it was really interested in communes, making its own fertilizer and dressing male babies only in pink to sabotage the patriarchy.

Side note: I’m all for boys and girls wearing whatever they want to. Just don’t force them to be the kid that will be on the receiving end of an uppercut delivered by some testosterone-filled alpha named Brock who isn’t as accepting of a boy whose parents think he should identify as a horse named Samantha. Maybe let them make that decision.

But it wasn’t like that. It was simply a breakfast place. No real angle. No real theme. Just great breakfast food.

Ok. Maybe it was a little bit hippie.

Anyways. I ordered something called the Stockyard, which is pretty much just your standard breakfast platter with a flapjack on the side. Which did lead me to researching what the difference between a flapjack and a pancake is. Apparently flapjacks are usually thicker and more bubbly. I liked it. It was yum. Very yum.

Now, Katie brought the thunder with her order. She decided on their Loaded Hashers. What are those? They are of gods and angels. Hash browns stuffed with peppers and onions, eggs and sausage and more cheese than your drunk uncle can deliver at a wedding dance floor. You’ll be asked if you want gravy. Your response is YES. You want it. Don’t ask questions. Add the gravy.

Notice how you can’t see any hash browns in the Loaded Hash pictures – it’s because there were so many god damn delicious toppings on top. It was awesome, and I stole half of it from her because I’m twice her size and can do things like that.

How were the bathrooms? It was like going to your grandma’s house. Or at least going to that one friend’s house whose mom really liked to decorate her kitchen with roosters.

And bear bottoms are welcome, which is very important in a modern bathroom.

This place was really great. It was not the least bit pretentious and didn’t try to be something it wasn’t. Which is important in this life because we’re lied to constantly.

We’re told our votes matter, but that’s not true.

We’re told we’re all special, but your paychecks and ACT scores say otherwise.

And we’re told that life isn’t a hologram built by godlike extraterrestrials to observe us on our anthill, but double rainbows throw that lie right out the window.

Life is a false reality.

You’re a debt slave set to pay with the hours of your life.

RAGE AGAINST THE MASTERS.

UNLEASH YOUR MIND.

Unless you’re a brony, furry or communist. If you’re one of those, stop reading my stuff. You make me sick. And I really do hate you.

How would we rate the food?

RYAN:

Taste: 8/10

Value: 8/10

Environment: 7/10

Bathrooms: Grandma

KATIE:

Taste: 7.5/10

Value: 8/10

Environment: 6.5/10

Bathrooms: Peeing while looking at a teddy bear is kinda weird but I liked it.

Verdict: Go there. We liked it.

Mixing Bowl Noshery 520 Southwest Blvd, Kansas City, MO 64108

Open today Monday6AM–8PM Tuesday6AM–8PM Wednesday6AM–8PM Thursday6AM–8PM Friday6AM–8PM Saturday8AM–8PM Sunday8AM–5PM