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In a development liable to make Darren Rovell faint at his keyboard, a company has found a way to permanently embed its brand in the bodies of professional athletes.

Salta Beer, an Argentinian beer company, is offering rugby players who have lost their teeth in the line of duty the opportunity to turn their mouths into bottle cap openers.

The offer is a tooth implant with a hooked ledge. The item is drilled directly into the gum and anchored in the jawbone. This seems like a bad idea, but judging off a promotional video showing happy benefactors, the thing appears to actually work.

UPI.com's Ben Hooper spotted the footage. It's cool, if you're not terrified of dentistry.

Warning: Video contains images of blood and dental drilling. I know. Ew.

So there it is—the final death blow for Josh, the guy at the party who shows off by opening bottles with his teeth. You sacrificed layers of enamel in the name of being tough and cool, only to have your species wiped out by a prosthetic vampire fang.

Your ingenuity and pre-frayed brim will be missed, old friend.

Dan is on Twitter. Check if it’s a twist-off first.