Party without a single member demands key role in Brexit negotiations

The Brexit party, which has precisely zero members and has never earned a single vote in the democratic process has declared that it is the guiding force in British politics, despite being led by a conspiracy theorist that once garnered fewer votes than a man in a dolphin suit.

Nigel Farage, a man who failed six times to become an MP, is being welcomed in television studios across the country as the great challenger to parties with well-oiled campaigning machines and actual members.

A phenomenon that is more reflective of press laziness than electoral reality, explained Simone Williams, professor of political science at the University of Croydon.

“It is rather odd. The Brexit Party is actually a private company and each time someone has looked closely at their candidates, they turn up being nearly as horrid as the rape-threat bunch currently running UKIP.

“You have a man who praised Nazi slogans, a treasurer who claimed the Grenfell fire victims were illegal aliens and a woman who supported the IRA, denied crimes against humanity and said you should not block child porn on the internet.

“Yet somehow they are seen as the great challenger to the establishment despite never having earned a single vote from the public and their leader never once succeeding to get a majority, even in somewhere as dire as South Thanet.”

Professor Williams explained that the complete absence of membership might be due to the nature of the Brexit Party.

He explained, “You can only become a registered supporter, not a member. If you do, you will have to pay £25 for the right to vote and campaign for them, a right which you have anyway. You don’t get any say in how the party is run.

“It’s almost like it’s not a genuine political organisation but more of a money-making scam.”