When you’re at a hip bar surrounded by men with hot facial hair, it’s hard not to feel like you’re languishing on the dusty porch of a cathouse, where the mustachioed soldiers are coming in fresh off the battlefield. In these moments, you may as well give in to the fantasy of sneaking off with one of the lads for a little mustache ride on the sly. Even a seasoned businesswoman needs her garden tended to every so often. Here are five Civil War mustaches you’ll want to sit on like the feisty Madame you are.