‘All the frustrations melt away when you give me an unexpected kiss’: the letter you always wanted to write

It may sound cliched, but I have loved you from the word go. When you presented me with a picture you’d drawn for me before we even met, and then slipped your hand in mine as we wandered around the supermarket later that day, I felt that my heart would burst.

Regardless of the fact that you were only five, I was so nervous about meeting you. But I needn’t have worried. You are funny, sensitive and so loving – I can’t wait to see the man you’ll grow up to be. With your daddy as a role model, you’ll be one of the good ones.

That’s not to say being your stepmummy isn’t without its challenges. Two years in, and I’m still trying to figure out your mummy, and her relationship with your daddy. I know I will hear only one side of the story, but her apparent ambivalence about meeting me before I met you will always be a source of puzzlement to me: if you were my biological son, I would have wanted to meet Daddy’s new partner before you did.

She’s often selfish, changing plans at the last minute to minimise your daddy’s time with you. I can see how much these sudden changes affect him, even though he puts on a brave face.

Good communication between them doesn’t appear to be prioritised – something I find incredibly frustrating. And while I will endeavour never to criticise your mummy within your earshot, she doesn’t have the same standards – and your daddy isn’t fast to correct her on my behalf. His gentle, quick-to-forget nature is endearing; but in these matters it feels hurtful.

A letter to… the mother whose child I just removed Read more

Despite all this – and all the challenges I have no doubt are to come – I will always be here for you. I love baking your favourite chocolate cake, messing around in the park and reading bedtime stories with you. And all the other frustrations melt away when you tell me you love me, or interrupt your Lego-building to give me an unexpected kiss and squeeze.

Seeing how intently you watched as your daddy and I recently exchanged our wedding promises furthered my resolve to show you by example what a healthy and loving relationship looks like. But there was one promise I didn’t voice that day – a promise to you: I will never try to replace your mummy, but I will endeavour to care for you – as though you’re my own Little Man – for the rest of my life.

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