At the top of things that I can’t stand with 2 little kids in the house are things that make my life as a parent more difficult than it needs to be, especially if it’s for no damned reason at all. One of those things that I was able to do something about is the inexplicably bald and secretly evil little Canadian fellow, Caillou. [H8Terz, he’s healthy according to the Caillou website]

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I gave this punk the benefit of the doubt at first. After all, he was entertaining my children while peacefully loaded the dishwasher without resistance. It comes on respectable channels between respectable shows, how bad could it be? I mean, at least it’s not Sponge Bob Square Pants, right? No, after watching this show and noticing a change in my kids, they can watch Sponge Bob any day if it keeps Caillou out of our home.

It’s not the baldness, that’s just icing on the cake – or I guess a cake with no icing. My husband kept fixating on the baldness, but it’s really just a distraction from his awful personality and his ultra-helicopter parents who reward his constant whining.





If you’re not familiar with the show, Caillou is a completely helpless pre-schooler who, in each episode, is confronted with “problems”. Problems that he creates for himself for no reason at all. They are loosely based on problems faced by his pre-school age-group: not having any hair , sibling rivalry issues, sharing, general disappointment, etc. Most parents would expect a show on respectable stations to show a child successfully navigating through his problems a la Daniel Tiger or Doc McStuffins, but not so much with Caillou. He finds himself utterly helpless in a mess of self-created disasters. Rather than finding a solution, he whines and whines until one of his helicopter parents comes to the rescue. I mean, have these parents completely given up on a life outside of fixing problems for their idiot child? Rather than using the moment to teach self-reliance or problem solving, they swoop into the rescue at every little issue. Moral of the story? Be a jerk to your baby sister, make a mess, be an utter moron, and then whine loudly so someone can swoop in and clean up after you. Expect an instant rescue regardless of how minor, avoidable and non-problematic your problem. Is Caillou Canada’s attempt to ruin a generation of American children? Do they aim to make is the brunt of all future cultural sissy jokes?

My older daughter likes to binge watch her shows on apps for Sprout, PBS, & Disney Jr for her quiet time. That only became a problem the day she spent her entire quiet time watching Caillou. Suddenly, my bright and independent preschooler was whining in an irritating little voice and expecting me to suddenly intervene with every step of every move she made.

I thought, “Where do I know that voice from?” Then it dawned on me. CAILLOU! That irritating little brat has found his way into my home!

Then it came out of my mouth… “Stop using your Caillou voice and use your big girl voice!”

That’s the day we banned Caillou FOREVER. Our lives are all better for it.

I didn’t make a huge deal of it with the girls, but I am always sure to change the channel at the very hint of this awful show coming on soon. I know I’m not the first parent to have an issue with this show and I have no idea how it is still on respectable networks’ line-up. This is one of the few occasions where I could turn to my husband and say “YOU’RE RIGHT” because he absolutely was, without the shred of a doubt. A healthy 4 year old SHOULD HAVE HAIR and should be able to get through a few minutes of his day without whining for constant help.

I am plotting against this fictional 4 year old because unlike real children, he won’t grow into a worthless adult. I’m not raising future worthless adults, so now “stop acting like Caillou” is our go-to catch phrase for ending many annoying toddler/pre-schooler behaviors. I don’t feel badly plotting against an imaginary 4 year old. His creators must be plotting against parents like me who <GASP> let their children learn a healthy dose of self-reliance and independence.

My kids can watch their other favorites like Daniel Tiger or Doc McStuffins any day. Those are some fictional characters I can get behind. Doc is a sparkly, bright little toy doctor and Daniel Tiger has a solution and a song for just about every struggle his viewers and their families face. Seriously, we sing the Daniel Tiger Good Night song for each child every night and “Use Your Words” when our 2 & 3 year old are fussing. We own toy stethoscopes & otoscopes that our daughters can ask for my name and know how to use. What did Caillou give us? Needless tantrums and fits. No thank you, little bald sir.

Take the Beibers with you on your way out. That’s another parenting challenge I could do without in a few years. Deal with it, Caillou. Too bad your parents didn’t teach you how to avoid and deal with problems yourself.