By Tyler Rothrock



We’re backkkkkkkk! It’s that time again! Musikfest is here!

Soon, Bethlehem will transform into a whole new magical place. Thousands will roam from platz to platz eating the greatest food while drinking out of the finest plastic mugs.

There is no deeper connection than the one between a ‘fester and their mug.

We have seen images of kids strapped in strollers while parents cradle their mug instead; mugs in cars secured by seat belts; and millennials refusing to put their mug down even to text, insta, or snapchat risking their beloved devices to a potential fall into the abyss of trampled hay and festival mud. Legend has it, one year a mug had fallen into the Lehigh river and a random hero jumped in and made the daring rescue and returned the mug to its anxious owner. They named their baby after him. There’s a “Where in the World is my Musikfest Mug?” Facebook group!

Musikfest is the only time that it’s acceptable to have more love for an inanimate object than a real human being. Don’t believe us? Try separating someones mug from them.

Sorry if it seems sacrilegious, but I AM Tyler of Nazareth.

Here are The 10 Commandments of Your Musikfest Mug:

Thou Shalt Never Let Go, Ever: The easiest way to ensure mug safety is by never losing grip on it. Studies have proven that Musikfesters that never put their mug down have a 97% chance of keeping it. (Disclaimer: those who also slept with their mug account for the remaining 3%)

Thou Shalt Mark Your Mug: Get a sharpie and tag your property. Minimum of a first name. Maximum of a first name and last initial. Having first AND last name guarantees Facebook stalking. Resist the urge to give a “return if found address”… there are weird people out there. This method only applies if there is a misunderstanding. If someone steals your mug, simply having your name on it wont guarantee its return and you must prepare for battle.

Thou Shalt Attach it to Thyself: This method is the industry standard. A carabiner clip works best and makes anyone feel badass clipping a damn mug onto their waist. An actual belt has also been used by past generations but has proven to be risky due to the undoing of the belt for each refill. After 5 or more refills the likelihood of having a pants malfunction increases by 20% (Source: Rothrock’s Musikfest of ‘12)

Thou Shalt Find A Mug Buddy: The buddy system has been returning students from field trips since the early 90s. This proven and effective method will also help return your mug to you after a long Musikfest week. Find a friend with a mug, reach an agreement that before anyone goes anywhere both mugs are accounted for. This method literally got me home from the Philly Zoo in 7th grade much to my teachers best efforts.

Thou Shalt Have a Bait Mug: If you own multiple mugs, separate the weak one from the others and leave it unattended and watch from behind a Theo’s Gyro. Someone will take it. This will show you who you can and cannot trust. Never leave your actual mug around these monsters. Sometimes we must sacrifice the ones we like to protect the ones we love.

Thou Shalt Never Be a Mug Lender: Do NOT lend a mug unless you have already accepted the fact that it will never be returned. Possession is 10/10ths of the law at Musikfest. That rule also applies to tickets and food. No one has ever borrowed a take-a-taco for a quick second.

Thou Shalt Never Bring Mugs into Late Night Bar Situations: Musikfest might be 35 years old but these mugs are underage. Late night is when mugs go into the great beyond. Any mug left unattended will be taken within seconds. Not even Liam Neeson would be able to get it back. If you DO bring your mug into a bar after the hours of 11pm you must understand the risk you have imposed. According to a CNN poll, your odds of leaving with that mug are CUT IN HALF (real news).

Thou Shalt Kind of Drink Responsibly: Everyone has a different definition of responsible drinking. To some it’s just having one or two, to others it’s no liquor, and others responsible drinking is to not also play with explosives. One way to test your “responsibility level” is to stand on one foot and extend your arms with the mug in your right hand, close your eyes, bring the mug to ur mouth and take a sip. Do this with each hand and foot. If you are still standing and have no beer on your shirt, carry on.

Thou Shalt Not Covet Another’s Mug: We’ve all been in this situation. It’s super late. It might even be 4 a.m. No matter, you do NOT steal another person’s mug. Ever.

Thou Shalt Treat Thy Mug as Thyself: The final and most important rule is to treat every mug how you would want others to treat yours. If you see any lost mugs please contact us at @lvwithlove or @tylerrothrock to try to return it to its home.

Come see Tyler and other national and regional comedians perform at the Lehigh Valley With Love ComedyPlatz at the Ice House on August 10th and 11th. Show times are 7, 8:45, and 10:30 p.m. each night.