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Dear Coleen

For a while when I was a teenager I had a gay relationship, but he left without saying a word, which was devastating as I loved him dearly. So on Saturdays, I started going swimming and had a coffee afterwards, hoping someone would pick me up.

I have a sister who’s a bit younger than me and one Saturday she asked to come with me as our mum was working. We argued in the pool and when we got home she grabbed an expensive pen I was writing with, so we ended up fighting on her bed.

I don’t know why – I couldn’t help it I suppose – but I kissed her and she kissed me back and we ended up making love. Since that day, everything changed and we became lovers. I actually became addicted to her.

We are now a couple and go swimming together, on walks and I even take her dancing.

I know this is all wrong, but we’ve had a serious conversation and we have decided to live together as a couple. I don’t know what you can do for us or even why I’m writing, but we’re deeply in love and now I have no need for a gay relationship.

I’d like your opinion please.

Coleen says

I think you’re writing to me because you know what you’re doing is wrong and, of course, illegal, but you’re hoping someone will give you some kind of miracle answer that makes it OK. Well, I can’t do that.

I think you should have counselling because you might be able to unravel why you ended up together and work out strategies to help you move on.

Perhaps it’s covering up lots other issues. It’s almost as if you’re saying the relationship stopped you being gay. Maybe a close sexual relationship is just safer with her.

If you don’t end this now with your sister, where does it leave you? You’ll be living an illegal life, hiding your true relationship from everyone, and never feeling free or truly happy.

Also, if you live in a relatively small community, it might not be easy to keep this a secret.

While you’re making out that you’re happy, I don’t think you are deep down or you wouldn’t be writing to me.

Inside it does trouble you and you know it’s wrong. Don’t put yourself in a situation that’s hard to escape from by moving in together and, instead, take steps to find a counsellor who can help you resolve this.

More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan's advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems