Encrypt any important paperwork in a three-speed blender.

Make sure the only people who have access to your personal identification, such as birth certificates and social security numbers, are you and a string of old landlords.


Monitor your credit card statements to make sure the only unusual purchases are the ones you made on Amazon while drunk.


Never provide personal details to anyone you don’t know, such as EMTs and firefighters.


Several government agencies are more than willing to hide your personal information in return for sworn testimony against the mafia.


Too bad Jack from Jack in the Box didn’t follow these tips. See what the hackers found at JackiLeaks.com.


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