I just read the Bill of Rights. It looks like it was written by a bunch of losers! I’ve rewritten it to make the constitution great again!

Amendment I

(This whole amendment is not smart and needs to be rewritten)

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; (Wrong!) Christianity is the only religion in the United States. Muslims don’t belong here! or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; (The press are losers!!!) or the right of the people peaceably to assemble at rallies cheering for Trump , and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances. (What does that even mean?)

Amendment II

(This is great! Guns everywhere!)

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Amendment III

No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house Trump property , without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law without big time compensation .

Amendment IV

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized. Unless there are illegal immigrants living there! Then we will humanely arrest them and burn their house down!

Amendment V

(Needs a rewrite. This would never fit in a tweet.)

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation. We are a nation of laws! Follow them or be deported!

Amendment VI

(This needs a rewrite, bigly!)

In all criminal prosecutions, we will take all immigrants to Guantanamo until they can be deported. Also, any Muslims will be deported. Christians can go free if they are white and make a donation to the Trump charity. All others will stay in Guantanamo. Also the press can be sued when they say bad things about anyone Donald Trump or his family. the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence.

Amendment VII

In Suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty million dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any Court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.

Amendment VIII

Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted. torture is fine.

Amendment IX

The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people unless you disparage me first. I’m a counterpuncher! .

Amendment X

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.

For $29.95, you can get this new bill of rights on a hat.