Self-Esteem

Similar to financial abuse, effects on the victim’s self-esteem begins in the beginning of the relationship with an abuser. Additionally, people with low self-esteem prior to an abusive relationship are more at risk of becoming a victim of domestic violence in the future. Lack of self-esteem causes oneself to believe that the abuse that is occurring to them is their fault, they deserve it, and in some cases, one believes that their partner is an amazing significant other and they are so lucky to be with them. In an abusive relationship, self-esteem decreases exponentially over time, making it harder to leave the longer they are in the relationship.

Even worse, children who are witnesses or victims of domestic abuse have an increased risk of developing low self-esteem. Additionally, some children who grow up in an abusive home, develop into adults that repeat the abusive behavior to their partners. Both cases increase the cycle of domestic abuse for future generations.

What can we do to help?

Trying to assist a loved one in an abusive relationship who suffers from low self-esteem is very difficult to navigate. As a bystander, you can see the abuse, and the dozens of red flags in the beginning, but your loved one may not. By being too direct and forceful with your observations, you could cause them to be more ashamed of themselves and potentially pick their partner over you, isolating themselves further: this can be made worse by a partner who is gaslighting and causing additional confusion to your loved one.

What you can do is to listen to them, be supportive, do not criticize, and to continue to be a trustworthy friend that they feel comfortable going to for help. As stated earlier, it takes an average of 7 times for a victim to leave their partner. Your loved one may call you for help, they may leave, but very likely they will return. Do not judge them if they do, you want to make sure that the next they call to leave, they know they can call you again.