What the ad says What it really means

Asking $16,000, make offer Someone please give me $10,000

$11,500 firm Someone please give me $10,000

$8,000 firm, no low-ball offers Short of selling a kidney, I have no means of paying off the $7,500 balance on the loan on this $5,000 bike

OBO Just give me two thirds of what I'm asking, please God

Ran when I parked it, needs carb work The 10-year-old gasoline in there has turned to mica

Needs battery I don't have $100 for a new battery, and even if I did, putting in a new battery would only reveal that it won't start

Turns over, good compression At least the damn thing hasn't seized and I'm gambling you won't show up with a compression gauge

Must go this weekend I'm six months late on the rent and the eviction proceedings are starting to get serious

No low ballers The payoff on the loan is way more than it's worth so I have to get an inflated price

Wife says it has to go I haven't ridden it in five years, but I'm the kind of person who feels better blaming someone else

No time to ride I drive my car every day because it has air conditioning and I'm lazy

Over $5,000 in extras I wasted a lot of money on farkles nobody wants

Extended swingarm, lowered Clutch is fried from playing Rickey Dragracer at every light and the bike now handles like a garbage truck

Aftermarket exhaust, sounds great Obnoxiously loud, guaranteed to tick off your neighbors

Stock exhaust but I removed the baffles, sounds great Obnoxiously loud would be an improvement; also, runs poorly

Custom paint Been crashed

Fresh paint Been crashed

New plastics Been crashed

Lots of new parts Been crashed

Cosmetic flaws typical for its age Been crashed

Converted to a streetfighter Been crashed

Salvage title Been crashed really bad

Barn fresh Mice ate holes in the air filter

Barn find Damn, I forgot this junk was still out here

Classic style Looks dated

Instant classic It's old

Collectible I know, because it's been collecting dust in my garage for 15 years while I've been hoping it would go up in value

Good beginner bike Underpowered

Good first bike My only hope of unloading this junk is finding an uninformed and gullible buyer

Mechanic's special Too many problems to list

Needs a little TLC You probably won't make it home from the sale without breaking down

Sold "as is" If you make it out of my driveway on this thing, I don't ever want to see you or hear from you again for any reason

Vincent Black Shadow basket case. It's all there! Photo by Lance Oliver.

Basket case, everything is there Not even God knows what's in that pile of parts

Tires still good for another season The cords aren't showing through the tread yet

Good winter project I just realized I'm trying to sell a motorcycle at the worst time of the year

Text only, I don't check e-mail Internet service was cut off to my house months ago for non-payment

bike 4 sale call 4 info I am too stoned and lazy to take a photo, use capital letters or punctuation, or type more than six words, so just imagine how well I've cared for this motorcycle

Thinning the herd It finally dawned on me that having six motorcycles, five of which do not run, is stupid

99 Katana for sale: rare bike, collectible Wanted: one clueless buyer with cash