FAT, stupid Americans with no health insurance have attacked plans to stop them dying so easily.

Across the United States poor people who are told what to think by television said President Obama's plan to give them free healthcare could lead to them being treated in a hospital that was not run by the Chicago Mafia.

Bill McKay, a retired shitkicker and Fox News analyst, from Kentucky, said: "I would rather replace my own hip using a rusty spoon than wait two months to have it done in a communist hospital, by some coffee-coloured faggot doctor who will then eat my unborn child to celebrate the end of Ramadan."

Barbara Hayes, a God-fearer, from Arkansas, added: "Ah see'd some woman from England on the Fox News sayin' her muslim communist doctor would only give her the good medicines if she denounced Jesus. Ah ain't denouncin' Jesus fir nobody, no siree."

But Dr Tom Logan, head of public health at the Institute for Studies, said: "The key difference between the United States and Britain is that we treat poor people rather than leaving them to die in a skip.

"It may take a few weeks or even months, and not everyone is happy about that, but we do at least all agree that it is marginally better than the skip."

He added: "Rich people have a thing called 'BUPA'. No-one knows what it stands for, though some people say it sounds as if it might be Indian. But it does mean you get your own room, quick treatment, nice food, and you get fawned over by nurses who were just that bit too sexy for the NHS."

Meanwhile Conservative leader David Cameron was forced to defend the NHS after Tory MEP Daniel Hannan's ego told Fox News that Britain's health system was 'worse than a lifetime of anal warts'.

A Conservative spokesman said: "We're not really sure what Daniel Hannan's problem is with the NHS. Perhaps they were unable to save his hair."

Stephen Malley, professor of American History at Reading University, added: "To be fair to Fox News and the Republicans, they do have a principled objection to socialised medicine based largely on the fact that a black man won the election.

"The thing you must always remember about the American right wing is that they are basically the baddies in a film."