Portland has officially become a parody of itself. If you thought they were nuts before (protesting “hate rugs”), hang onto your outrage meters because this one is off-the-charts Looney Tunes. In America, we used to hold up small-business innovators as inspiring examples of what was possible in a free country where the pursuit of happiness is written into our founding documents. We would celebrate ingenuity and drive as the highest examples of what a free-market economy can do to lift one out of a cubicle farm to fame and fortune (or at least a thriving business of your own creation that provides freedom and happiness for your family). But on the Left Coast, these things are now seen as white privilege run amok and are targeted for destruction.

Kooks Burritos, a local business in Portland, has been forced out of business amid accusations of “cultural appropriation” because the white owners are selling Mexican food. I wish this really was a Saturday Night Live sketch, but it is the new reality that the social justice warriors have created in Portland, where they rule the narrative. If I were a diabolical billionaire like George Soros, intent on remaking the world into one of my own imagining (that would have all leftists thrown into an abyss somewhere–or at least forced to manufacture guns while listening to reruns of Rush Limbaugh all day), I would hire mobs of SJWs to do ridiculous things like this to make Americans hate them so much that they would be barred from all polite society forevermore. But there is no shadowy right-wing billionaire doing this on purpose. These are the Left’s actual tactics for changing people’s hearts and minds and winning them over to their side–harassing and silencing all opposition, destroying businesses, and alienating everyone. For real. This is their strategy. And people are still out there wondering why the Left was soundly whipped in the last election? How? Who likes this crap? Anyone?

It gets even more ridiculous than you could imagine. What the activists claim is that the two white girls, Kali Wilgus and Liz Connely, went to Mexico to steal recipes and make money off of them in America. They came to this conclusion because, during an interview with Willamette Week, Connely said,

I picked the brains of every tortilla lady there in the worst broken Spanish ever, and they showed me a little of what they did….They told us the basic ingredients, and we saw them moving and stretching the dough similar to how pizza makers do before rolling it out with rolling pins.

Connely further dug herself into a hole with the wild-eyed race hustlers in Portland by telling the interviewer that the girls “were peeking into the windows of every kitchen, totally fascinated by how easy they made it look.”

After many attempts at making the tortillas themselves, they finally hit on the right method and opened up a successful shop in Portland. This allowed the SJW mob squads to claim in The Portland Mercury an outrageous falsehood that seemed to stick.

These two white women went to Mexico, ate tacos, and then decided they would just take what the locals clearly didn’t want to give them. If that wasn’t bad enough, they decided to pack up all their stolen intellectual property and repackage it in one of the few places where such a business could plausibly work: Portland, Oregon. (Emphasis mine)

Excuse me? “Stolen intellectual property”? Seriously? I guess that means I’ve “stolen” recipes and culture from the Thai people because I once recreated drunken noodles in my kitchen. Dear Jesus! What is happening? How is making tortillas in Portland stealing business from tortilla makers in Mexico? It’s a ridiculous claim aimed only at furthering anger toward white people the Left is so intent upon fomenting.

Jagger Blaec, the maniac who wrote “This Week in Appropriation,” which led to the closure of Kooks, went on to hyperventilate that the Willamette Week has a history of publishing “racially insensitive food commentary.” I want to thank Blaec for the best laugh I’ve had all week. If you thought that food commentary was a safe, non-political genre to dig into, think again, Whitey! Nothing is safe for you! Because you and your food preferences are RACIST or something.

And this incident was so horrifying that the culturally hypersensitive twits in Portland immediately created a list of all the white supremacist restaurants one should avoid. The list, titled “White-Owned Appropriative Restaurants in Portland,” provides a “who’s who of culinary white supremacy.” Again, I remind you that this list was not created by sly right-wingers to make leftists look contemptible and foolish. They did that all on their own—purposefully.

When the business closed up shop, the SJWs claimed victory and called for more sensitive dining. That’s right! The only people who can cook Mexican food in Portland are Mexicans (or Latinos, so it appears that a Guatemalan can make Mexican food without fear … so far).

“While the closing of Kooks Burritos is a victory, it’s a small one and unless we continue to call this out it will happen again. In the meantime, it helps to support the originators of various cultures,” Blaec wrote. “If you’re really dying to get a burrito, here’s a list of six Latin owned restaurants that also exist in Portland.”

After studying this issue I suddenly have the urge to purchase a sombrero and matching poncho, whip up my famous margaritas and do the salsa while celebrating the fact that the Left is going to crash and burn after trying to take away tacos from white people. You can take our lives, but you will never take….OUR TACOS! Adios, muchachos! It was a hoot while it lasted.

via GIPHY