He just wanted to go to the beach!

Joyriding pilot Jason Maloney made every loopy, bizarre excuse in the book to air-traffic controllers to justify setting down his single-engine Piper in shallow water off the Rockaways shoreline Monday evening — while dodging giant passenger jetliners taking off from Kennedy Airport in the process.

In the oddball transmissions, Maloney, 24, claimed he landed because he had a sick passenger or because his engine was “a little teeeensy bit rough” — although he made a series of seemingly implausible excuses to land on the sand.

“Whooooa . . . What if I want to hide from you?” he radioed after a controller said radar showed his plane east of Jones Beach.

“This might be crazy,” Maloney radioed a few minutes later. “But are we allowed to land on the beach?”

“I don’t think so, unless it was an emergency,” the controller answered.

“I’m a paramedic, uhhh, is there anyone I can ask?” he responded, before asking, “Any private beaches around?”

The transmissions were odd from the get-go.

Soon after taking off from Republic Airport in Farmingdale, Maloney asked if he could land his plane with its two passengers — Clarke Oler, 22, and Chelsea Protter, 21, both Long Islanders — at JFK.

He said he wanted to “drop a pastor off at JFK who is doing some medical mission work. Where would I drop him off at your airport?”

The controller advised Maloney to check with the Port Authority.

After Maloney finally landed — without declaring an emergency — he incredibly didn’t understand why his stunt enraged FAA officials.

“It happens in Alaska all the time!” he told cops, sources said.

“Welcome to New York,” a cop replied.

Maloney’s high jinks could cost him his pilot’s license, and he might be fined.

“He doesn’t sound drunk. He doesn’t sound stoned. He sounds like a jerk. He was looking for somebody to tell him to do that — land on the water,” a law-enforcement source said after listening to the audio recording.

bill.sanderson@nypost.com

