You’ve waited all year for this. It’s the day of your favorite annual car event, whether it be V2 Lab’s Mystery Meat, Final Bout, SOWO or that track day you’ve been planning for ages.

You arrive, expecting the smell of burned rubber and catless exhausts to fill the air. Then, suddenly, you’re hit with it.

Strawberry Shortcake.

The offender strolls past with his ironic car scene T-shirt, skinny jeans and a bedazzled rosary around his neck. He deeply inhales from a child-sized box mod and proceeds to unleash a mushroom cloud of vaporized vegetable glycerin directly into the faces of innocent bystanders.

He isn’t alone.

His friends, close behind, take turns adding to the ambient haze. Mango passion fruit, lime-a-rita, maple syrup, peaches ‘n’ cream, cinnabon — the scents are endless. No one else can stand them.

“Needs more camber,” one laughs, gesturing at a stanced Scion TC.

None of them are using vaping as a step to quit smoking. It’s a hobby. It’s a lifestyle. They go to vape meets, vape lounges and vape conventions. They are devoted members of a counterculture solely devoted to inhaling sweet, fruity vegetable glycerin.

They talk about vape setups rather than suspension setups.

“How’s your build going?”

“Good, man. Just need to get some better batteries and I’ll be putting out ridiculous clouds in no time.”

They complain about how the government is trying to unfairly regulate the vape industry as they walk directly in front of the cars you’re trying to photograph. They argue over whether or not a tank or drip setup is more efficient. They discuss the health benefits of vaping, and their eventual plans to open a vape lounge.

It’s a hobby that takes over lives. A hobby the car scene has no room for.

Smoke a damn cigarette and work on your car for once.

*This article was purely satire.