Chapter Text

[ Golden Deer Chatroom - 11:27 AM ]

sexy owo: 👉😎👉

sexy uwu: 👈😎👈

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: Sorry what the fuck are your names

sexy owo: we’re twinning

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: i could ask you the same thing what the fuck leonie

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: ,

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: Who changed my name to this

sexy uwu: HJASDFFBSDGHDFGSD

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: CLAUDE

sexy uwu: IM NOT CLAUDE IM HILDA

sexy uwu: i mean it was claude who changed ur name but

sexy owo: HILDA

sexy uwu: HAHSASDFGH IM SORRY

sexy owo: WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE TWINNINg YOU CANT EXPOSE ME ITS AGAINST THE LAW

sexy uwu: IM SORYYYYY IT WONT HAPPEN AGAIN DONT LOCK ME UP OFFICER

sexy owo: ur forgiven our twinship is too strong to hold a grudge

sexy uwu: awwww bro…

sexy owo: bro……...

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: wait, why is my name this?

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: ...claude.

sexy owo: i have the right to remain silent

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: Someone take his admin rights away, literally what the fuck

sexy owo: please no theyre the only rights i have

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: Then perish

Marianne is online.

Marianne: uum what is this?

sexy uwu: hey marianne

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: Wait why does she get a normal name

sexy owo: im not a monster i wouldnt bully marianne

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: Fair lmao

Marianne: ,,thank you??

sexy owo: ur welcome :)

sexy uwu: wow anyone else in this house feeling threatened

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: Yes

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: very.

sexy owo: :)

deathknightdestroyer69 is online.

deathknightdestroyer69: this name is ridiculous but I'll take it

Marianne: hhello, lysithea!

sexy uwu: sup

sexy owo: ok im tired of hellos lets get down to business

sexy owo: i have IMPORTANT NEWS

deathknightdestroyer69: shut the fuck up claude I literally just got here

sexy owo: huh is that how you treat your elders

deathknightdestroyer: I'm going to rip your throat out

sexy uwu: ladies ur both pretty

sexy owo: i agree im gorgeous thank you hilda

sexy owo: ANYWAYS

sexy owo: I HAVE IMPORTANT NEWS

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: Did you finally get a tea party with byleth

sexy owo: not yet but its only a matter of time

sexy uwu: are byleths tea parties even real or do they only exist in legends no one knows

Marianne: ttheyre real!! i was invited once,,

sexy uwu: holy SHIT

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: god i wish that were me

Marianne: it was really nice!! byleth is a kind professor, and the tea was delicious,,!!

deathknightdestroyer69: aight stop flexing lol

Marianne: EE IM SORRY

sexy uwu: no marianne ur good she was joking

deathknightdestroyer69: yea I was don't worry

Marianne: ooh!! okay

Marianne: sorry

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: You don't need to apologize

sexy owo: GUYS LISTEN TO ME

sexy owo: it finally happened

sexy owo: finally…………….

sexy uwu: stop being cryptid and spit it out

sexy owo: i did the secret sign of the golden deer to dimitri and he copied it

sexy uwu: ,

Marianne: oh !!!

deathknightedestroyer69: HOLY SHIT

sexy uwu: OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDD

sexy uwu: OH MY FUCKING GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

sexy owo: I KNOW RIGHT

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: finally…

sexy uwu: IFGUDJHFDNFDHGJF THE MADMAN ACTUALLY FUCKING DID IT

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: OH MY GOD

sexy uwu: WE'VE ASCENDED

sexy owo: WE MADE IT

deathknightdestroyer69: it's what we deserve

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: We've successfully infiltrated the blue lions who's next

sexy owo: everyone

sexy owo: first dimitri, then edelgard, then byleth herself

sexy owo: soon everyone will be spreading golden deer propaganda without even realising what they're doing. the absolute fools

deathknightdestroyer69: it's what we DESERVE

sexy uwu: we RLLY out here

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: okay, but you really think you can get edelgard to do it?

sexy owo: you overestimate her

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: perhaps.

deathknightdestroyer69: I'm more confused as to how he thinks he'll get byleth to do it

sexy owo: your lack of confidence wounds me

sexy owo: have faith in your leader, young one

deathknightdestroyer69: call me that again and I destroy you

sexy owo: noted

sexy owo: anyways yall you know what time it is

sexy owo: ✋😎🤚

sexy uwu: ✋😎🤚

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: ✋😎🤚

Marianne: ✋😎🤚

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: ✋😎🤚

deathknightdestroyer69: ✋😎🤚

Moto Moto is online.

Moto Moto: ✋😎🤚

sexy owo: nice of you to join us raphael

sexy uwu: squad rolling in

Moto Moto: I cant miss out on the secret sing of the golden door :)

sexy uwu: secret sing

deathknightdestroyer69: golden door, that's us

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: The one and only

sexy owo: stop mocking him he's doing his best

Marianne: iaare you okay, raphael?? ;;

Moto Moto: Yes, very !

Moto Moto: I have a hard time with typing on this smart keyboa,rd, but I am fine :D

sexy uwu: ohhh that explains it lol

sexy owo: good to know buddy

sexy uwu: yo is everyone here yet

Marianne: ii havent seen ignatz,,??

deathknightdestroyer69: pretty sure he's busy

sexy owo: busy?? hm what can be more important than the secret sign of the golden deer

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: You mean the secret sing of the golden door?

deathknightdestroyer69: you mean the succulent song of the goldfish doner?

sexy uwu: u mean the subtitled sociobiologist of the godfather dongle???

sexy owo: okay please stop

Marianne: ii believe ignatz said he had an aart piece he wanted to finish today,,?? ;;

sexy owo: hm not good enough he should be here

*cracks raw egg over my head* its art you wouldnt understand is online.

*cracks raw egg over my head* its art you wouldnt understand: ✋😎🤚

sexy owo: LEGEND

[ Blue Lions Chatroom - 12:31 PM ]

draco malfoy: hey anyone here?

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: no.

Dedue: Yes.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: the duality of man

haha just kidding… unless?: there r two wolves inside of u… one is no…. one is yes…. u are gay

draco malfoy: okay cool i need help

haha just kidding… unless?: constant mood

so basically, im babey: what's up dimitri?? :o

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: We're happy to help!

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: what did you do this time

draco malfoy: i did not do anything, i just have a question?

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: doubt

draco malfoy: no for real

haha just kidding… unless?: is this about the shampoo again

haha just kidding… unless?: dimitri we've explained this to you before you have to use it or else your hair will look like shit

draco malfoy: it's not about? the shampoo??

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: doubt

draco malfoy: are you guys going to listen to me or not

Dedue: Please, everyone, allow him to speak.

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Sorry, Dimitri! Please continue with what you were saying!

draco malfoy: thank you.

draco malfoy: so i was speaking with claude today- and then, in the middle of our conversation, he just… lifted his hands up to the side of his face? and just held them there? i think it was some sort of gesture?

draco malfoy: i was really confused so i just copied him doing it, but i didn't know what it meant. am i missing something?

haha just kidding… unless?: for once i have no idea

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: "for once"

oovoo javer: i've never heard of anything like that, sorry!

haha just kidding… unless?: maybe its just a claude thing???

draco malfoy: that doesnt help but thank you

haha just kidding… unless?: anytime ;)

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Hmm, how strange… perhaps he was trying to wave at you??

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: I really have no idea, sorry!

draco malfoy: it's alright mecerdes

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: maybe it's a cult thing. maybe you just accepted an invitation into his cult by copying the gesture

draco malfoy: i dont want to join his cult

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: well you should have thought of that before you copied it huh

draco malfoy: my bad

haha just kidding… unless?: maybe he was hitting on you

draco malfoy: im sorry what

haha just kidding… unless?: u never know, maybe thats how they flirt in the leicester alliance. weird hand gestures. maybe by copying him you just agreed to marry him

so basically, im babey: wedding is this sunday!!

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Ooh! I can officiate!

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: they grow up so fast..

draco malfoy: theres no wedding??

haha just kidding… unless?: if it really is a flirting thing u should show me what he did so i can try it out sometime dimitri ;)

draco malfoy: ..okay??

Dedue: I'm sure it was just a joke of his. You can ask him about it next time you see him, Dimitri.

draco malfoy: finally someone with good advice in this house

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: :( Aw..

draco malfoy: *aside from mercedes

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: :D

haha just kidding… unless?: now that that's out of the way. dedue.

Dedue: ?

haha just kidding… unless?: why is your name so boring?? just dedue?? fr??

Dedue: I don't believe I need a less 'boring' name than this. It gets the point across.

haha just kidding… unless?: well that wont do will it

haha just kidding… unless?: give me a sec

haha just kidding… unless?: felix give me your phone

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: aight.

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade changed Dedue's nickname to dedue??? isnt that a type of tree???

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: OH SHUT UOP

dedue??? isnt that a type of tree???: I'm afraid I don't understand what this means.

haha just kidding… unless?: ingrid said that to me once

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: i had a brief lapse in judgement shut the fuck up sylvain

haha just kidding… unless?: ;)

oovoo javer: you really thought it was a type of tree,,??

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: moving on

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: how come felix has admin perms

haha just kidding… unless?: pretty sure dimitri doesnt know how to use a chatroom so felix got to be admin instead

draco malfoy: i know how to use a chatroom

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: like you know how to use shampoo?

haha just kidding… unless?: SDFJFHDGSHJG

haha just kidding… unless?: FELIX GOING IN FOR THE KILL

draco malfoy: can we please just forget the shampoo thing

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: MOVING ON

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: ashe whats up with your name

oovoo javer: oh this?? i didnt chose it

haha just kidding… unless?: hes never been to oovoo javer

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: I believe it's a pun on his last name? Ubert?

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: sylvain chose it.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: sylvain why dont you give us good names

haha just kidding… unless?: dont hate just appreciate

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: please die

draco malfoy: on the topic of usernames

draco malfoy: felix?

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: what.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: yh whats up with your name felix

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: i was expecting you to be named something

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: blander?? Idk

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: i didnt choose it.

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: sylvain did.

oovoo javer: why?????

haha just kidding… unless?: he said it to me once

haha just kidding… unless?: he looked me in the FUCKIGN eye and said it and i ascended to the astral plane

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: ,

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: He did?

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: it was a joke

haha just kidding… unless?: HE DID

haha just kidding… unless?: I THOUGHT I WAS DREAMING

haha just kidding… unless?: BUT HE DID

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: oh my god??

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: ET TU, FELIX???

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: i was just making a joke.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: I KNOW ITS JUST NOT SOMETHING I’D EXPECT FROM YOU LOL

haha just kidding… unless?: DSFHGDJH RIGHT

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: please stop

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: I’m surprised too!

oovoo javer: cant believe felix was an undercover memelord this whole time

haha just kidding… unless?: please dont say undercover memelord ever again

draco malfoy: wait sylvain doesnt have admin rights, how did he change felix's name?

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: sylvain has no rights full stop

haha just kidding… unless?: if u wanted me to die u could have just said so

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: i do

haha just kidding… unless?: noted

haha just kidding… unless?: also i changed his name bc sitting next to him rn so i just stole his phone to change it

haha just kidding… unless?: thats how i changed everyone elses names too lol didnt u notice

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: dimitri doesnt know how to use a chatroom we established this

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: also why are you guys texting if youre sitting next to each other????

haha just kidding… unless?: he wont talk to me :(

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: is this where i say "yall hear sumn"?

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: yes u got it

haha just kidding… unless?: ur doing amazing sweetie :)

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: dont talk to me.

haha just kidding… unless?: :(

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: (felix voice) is this where i say "oof"?

haha just kidding… unless?: woah felix is that you???

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: what the fuck







[ Black Eagles Chatroom - 1:44 PM ]

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: *ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: *ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR

sleepy bitch disease: *ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: *ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: CAN YOU GUYS SHUT UP IT WAS ONE TIME

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: which one of you changed my name im going to k*ll you

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: ;)

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: holup since when did you even have admin perms???

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: since i started dating our house leader

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: bow down to ur new kween ferdie

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: :)

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: once again the lesbians are my downfall

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: we're boutta end ur whole career

Jared, 19: hsd

Jared, 19: aughsd

Jared, 19: n

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: petra honey are you okay

Jared, 19: Hell Lo everyone

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: i dont know why but im scared

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: keep going sweetie ur doing amazing

Jared, 19: Thank You, Door of Theo! I appreciate your supper rat,

sleepy bitch disease: oh, i see what's going on. she's using text-to-speech.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: petra, there's a keyboard on your phone that you may use to type. if you need any assistance with doing so, I would be glad to provide.

Jared, 19: I do not see this key Board question mark

Jared, 19: Oh! I have found it. Thank you, Edelgard.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: of course.

sleepy bitch disease: could u guys stop texting so much im trying 2 nap

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: nap??? its literally the middle of the day and class starts in like five minutes

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: ill show u how to turn notifs off linhardt dw

sleepy bitch disease: thanks

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: by the way is hubert here?

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: in this chat? yes- you can see a list of members on the side of the screen, caspar.

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: i KNOW that im not blind

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: i meant here as in in this class right now that is starting in five minutes. i dont see him anywhere

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: look in the back corner of the room.

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: ,

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: thats

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: skdjskdnfhsjds i literally didnt even see him before oh my god hes literally hiding in the shadows

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: THATS SO CREEPY WHAT IS HE DOING

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: just chillin'.

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: hes what now

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: you heard her he's just chillin'.

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: ahello

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: bernie!! hello!! i hope youre doing well 💖

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: damn wish dorothea would be that nice to me :(

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: who are u again

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: dont

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: oh!! thats right i remember

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: you are *ferdinand voice* FERDINAND VON AEGIR

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: IT WAS ONE FUCKING TIMEEE

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: sorry2ask but a m i misssing something here ???

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: no please dont ask its fine

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: okay so you werent here for this bernie but the professor took us out to fight some monsters to train

sleepy bitch disease: ive always thought the professor's decisions to pit us against monsters was a questionable one, even if it's for training.

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: me fucking too but hey we lived bitch

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: we rlly did

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: anyways

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: during the fight ferdinand charges straight at one of the monsters and he just

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: screams at the top of his lungs

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: "I AM FERDINAND VON AEGIR"

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: HE RLLY IS…

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: IT WAS TH HEAT OF THE MOMENT STOP MOCKING ME

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: im sorry ferdinand von aegir it wont happen again

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: please im begging you stop this

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: ferdie

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: ill take it

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: oh i see!!/ thx for eexplaining caspar im sorr y for asking

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: u dont need to apologise lol

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: ok now that thats over can we go back to talking about hubert over there

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: he hasnt moved like at all hes. still in the corner

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: is he just?? watching us??

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: are you trying to change the subject

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: yes thats literally exactly what i'm doing

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: ok fair

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: do you,, do you think he knows we know he's there??

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: you all turned to look at him at the exact same time when I pointed him out earlier. he's probably aware.

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: stealth mission failed we'll get em next time

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: eeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Jared, 19: Excuse me- is our professor late in showing to class?

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: no one fucking say it ill literally kill you

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: if she's 15 minutes late we're legally allowed to leave

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: FUCK YOU

creeper is online.

creeper: She is late, yes- by three minutes so far.

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: e

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years is offline.

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: hubie!! nice of you to join us

Jared, 19: If you do not mind that I ask, Hubert, why is your name 'creeper'?

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: AW MAN

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: AWWW MAN

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: AW MAN

sleepy bitch disease: aw man

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: wheres the enthusiasm huh linhardt

sleepy bitch disease: the what

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: hes tired let him live

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: hes? always? tired?

sleepy bitch disease: correct

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: let him live you fucker

creeper: I did not select this username for myself. I'm guessing it was Dorothea who chose it.

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: hehe guilty

Jared, 19: Oh, I have understanding! Dorothea, what does this mean?

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: idk haha i just thought he was a lil creepy and so the nickname would be funny and fitting

Jared, 19: Thank you for the explanation!

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: anything for u petra 💕

Jared, 19: :)

sleepy bitch disease: is the professor here yet?

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: has it been 15 minutes??

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: dorothea i am going to fight you with my bare hands

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: hey whered edelgard go

creeper: what?

Jared, 19: I do not have sight on her in the classroom... Perhaps she went for a walk?

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: edelgard where are u :(((

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: @Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: oh, sorry- I'm just going to search for the professor. it's unusual for her to be this late.

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: nooo edie come back!! :(

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: dorothea?

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: edgelord baby i lvoe you

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: 💘💗💜💖💕💕💓💞💛❣️💖💕💗💗❣️❣️💛

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: 💖

sleepy bitch disease: are we just going to ignore that she called edelgard edgelord?

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: EDGELORD

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: hhey aareyou okay dorothea? ?? yyoure um typing a bit weirdly

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: girljs

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: words to live by

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: shut up ferdinand youre literally gay

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖 has changed their nickname to girljs.

girljs: better

girljs: sorry lads i just had a moment of Gay™ but im good now

sleepy bitch disease: my entire life is one big moment of Gay™

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: mood.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: I found the professor. she was fishing. we will be returning to class shortly.

girljs: women want her fish fear her

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: i fear her

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: what are you a fucking fish







[ Shared Chatroom - 2:49 PM ]

sexy uwu: what the fuck

sexy uwu: alright which of you fuckers thought this was a good idea

spill the tea kween: I thought communication between the houses has been limited recently, so I decided to create a chatroom for you all.

spill the tea kween: Be responsible, though.

spill the tea kween is offline.

draco malfoy: a wonderful idea, professor

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: I agree. this is a lovely idea.

sexy owo: this is literally the most awful idea ive ever heard and yet im here for it

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: professor byleth, please invite me to tea.

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: she literally went offline already u missed ur chance

girljs: professor byleth's tea parties are a luxury few can afford

sexy uwu: im still not sure if theyre real or not tbh

Marianne: they are, i swear!!! ;;

Marianne: aaa,,, who else here has actually been to one??

girljs: i have! ✨🍵

oovoo javer: i've been to one!

Moto Moto: I have.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: as have i.

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: i have!

draco malfoy: me too.

sleepy bitch disease: i've been to one.

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: I went to one as well! It was quite lovely.

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: I believe Annette has well, though she's not online at the moment.

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: And I'm sure there's a few more who have been as well who are not currently online!

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: hm, i see.

deathknightdestroyer69: someone sounds jealous

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: i am not.

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: uh huh

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: i have some work to attend to, so i shall be off for now. if anyone needs to speak to me, please dm me.

girljs: gbye edie!!! i love you!!! 💖💘💞

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: 💖

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe is offline.

sexy uwu: adorable

haha just kidding… unless?: that could be us but u playin 😔✌️

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: who are you even talking to.

haha just kidding… unless?: the girl reading this

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: die

draco malfoy: oh, while we're here.

draco malfoy: claude, i was meaning to ask you- what was the meaning of that strange hand gesture you did earlier this day?

sexy owo: hehe

draco malfoy: what?

sexy owo: hehe nothing dimitri ✋😎🤚

sexy uwu: ✋😎🤚

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: ✋😎🤚

*cracks raw egg over my head* its art you wouldnt understand: ✋😎🤚

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: ✋😎🤚

Marianne: ✋😎🤚

Moto Moto: ✋😎🤚

deathknightdestroyer69: ✋😎🤚

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: I WAS RIGHT DIMITRI IT IS A FUCKING CULT THING

haha just kidding… unless?: i cant believe dimitri joined a cult without us

sexy uwu: yes we, the golden deer, are a cult

sleepy bitch disease: i knew it

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: can i join

sexy uwu: password?

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: please

sexy uwu: denied

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: :(

girljs: dw ferdie youll get em next time

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: if i could direct all of your interest back to the more interesting topic of byleth's tea parties.

girljs: what else is there to discuss

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: i think hes just mad he hasnt been to one

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: no, i am not mad.

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: but, in my opinion,

sexy uwu: shut the fuck up bottom

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: oh my god

girljs: hilda id literally die for you

sexy owo: h

haha just kidding… unless?: ASJHDFSGHJSDSFD

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: HELLO police? i just witnessed a murder

sexy owo: LMFAOSDFHGDJ I WHEEZED

sexy uwu: :)

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: that was not a murder, all she did was call me a bottom.

sexy uwu: shut the fuck up bottom

haha just kidding… unless?: shut the fuck up bottom

girljs: shut the fuck up bottom

sexy owo has changed the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days's nickname to shut the fuck up bottom.

shut the fuck up bottom: this isn't fair.

sexy owo: shut the fuck up bottom

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe is online.

shut the fuck up bottom: finally, someone with a bit of sense. edelgard, if you would, please tell the others here to cease this ridiculous name-calling!

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: shut the fuck up bottom

shut the fuck up bottom: ah

girljs: nNGIOASHGASDHSDGFGSDHJDFS

girljs: EDIE GOING IN FOR THE KILL

girljs: THATYS ,MY GIRLFRIEND 💜💘💖💖💗💕💜💖❣️💖💗 WHAT A QUEEN

sexy uwu: LEGENDARY

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: HELLO POLICE I JUST WITNESSED A SECOND MURDER

sexy owo: lorenz found dead in miami

draco malfoy: finally

sexy owo: JASHDFNASDHGFHDSJ

haha just kidding… unless?: NDFHGJHGSJ DIMITRI>?? ??

girljs: IM CRYING YO

sexy uwu: OH MY GOD DIMITRI TOO

sexy uwu: LORENZ JUST CANT CATCH A BREAK TODAY HUH

oovoo javer: he's being attacked from all sides...

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: the only time the houses are ever united

sexy owo: its for a good cause

haha just kidding… unless?: legends only

shut the fuck up bottom: who has admin perms in this chat?

sexy owo: no i will not change your name for you

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: me neither.

so basically, im babey: does dimitri?? :o

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: I believe he does! But I think he's busy right now.

haha just kidding… unless?: whats he doing he was here a minute ago

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: he's in the middle of a sparring match with me.

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: so he can't text at the moment.

sexy owo: wait youre literally texting us how can u be sparring at the same time

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: im multitasking.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: does he expect us to believe that

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: It would take a lot of talent to pull off something like that… I don't mean to doubt your word, Felix, but I don't believe it's possible, either!

sleepy bitch disease: i bet he could pull it off, this is felix we're talking about.

draco malfoy: hes not lying

sexy owo: ,

draco malfoy: you can all come to the training grounds to see. he was on his phone and texting while sparring.

haha just kidding… unless?: WHAT

draco malfoy: and he managed to still beat me.

sexy owo: ive gotta see this i still dont believe it brb

sexy uwu: claude out here doing gods work, report to us when u find out the truth

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: this is just a stupid joke, i cant believe you guys are falling for it

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: it's not a joke. i don't see what's so hard to believe.

sexy owo: HOLY SHIT

sexy owo: [ Video attachment: HE_STUDIED_THE_BLADE.mov ]

sleepy bitch disease: wow

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: ,

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: i stand corrected

haha just kidding… unless?: itwas time for thomas to leave he had seen eveyrthing

sexy uwu: HOW DOES HE DO IT

haha just kidding… unless?: IM IN AWE

sexy owo: im going back to my room this was too powerful for my bare eyes to handle

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: told you so.

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: That's impressive, Felix! I'm sorry for doubting you earlier!

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: it's not that impressive, really.

haha just kidding… unless?: felix can you teach me how to do that

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: no.

haha just kidding… unless?: babe please

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: j

haha just kidding… unless?: ,

haha just kidding… unless?: felix

haha just kidding… unless?: are u okay there buddy

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: felix machine broke

haha just kidding… unless?: FELIX COME HOME

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: you broke him sylvain

haha just kidding… unless?: FELIX IM SORRY

girljs: you ruined a perfectly good twink is what you did. look at it. its got gay

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: LMAO

sexy uwu: ITS GOT GAY SDFUSAJHGGJ

sleepy bitch disease: wow same

sexy owo: i, too, have got gay

haha just kidding… unless?: WHAT DID I DOOOOO

haha just kidding… unless?: whyis he not responding felix please

draco malfoy: uh

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: what do you mean, 'uh'? dimitri, what did you do?

sexy owo: lmao that sounds so accusatory ingrid all he did was say 'uh'

sexy owo: let him BREATHE

draco malfoy: i think i knocked felix unconscious

sexy owo: UH

haha just kidding… unless?: h

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: im sorry what

haha just kidding… unless?: YOU WHAT

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Ohh, no..! You guys are at the training grounds, right? I'll be right there!

draco malfoy: thank you mercedes

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Of course!

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏 is offline.

haha just kidding… unless?: HWO DID YOU KNOCK HIM UNCONSCIOUS

draco malfoy: we were sparring and he was texting as you all know

girljs: im still not over the fact that he can pull that off tbh

draco malfoy: i swung at him, and i was expecting him to block the blow, but then he looked at his phone and just. froze

sexy uwu: dont text and spar kids

sexy owo: im crying i cant believe felix's gay panic literally murdered him

girljs: can we get an f?

sleepy bitch disease: f

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: f

haha just kidding… unless?: oh mygod

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: f

haha just kidding… unless?: imcoming to the training grounds brb

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: F

haha just kidding… unless? is offline.

sexy owo: f

sexy uwu: f

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: Okay, on a more serious note,

sexy owo: a what

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: What do we do? should we say something to byleth about this?

girljs: i vote we tell byleth nothing

spill the tea kween is online.

spill the tea kween: Tell me nothing about what?

sexy owo: felix had a gay panic and dimitri accidentally knocked him unconscious

girljs: CLAUDE YOU IGNORANT SLUT

sexy uwu: IGNORANT

sexy uwu: SLUT

sexy uwu: IM ASUISDFHFDHGJHGSJASFSDHGFHSDJHFSDG HOLYYY SHITTTT

sexy owo: if hilda and i werent currently twinning id change my name to that in a HEARTBEAT

sexy uwu: i appreciate ur loyalty thx bro

sexy owo: anytime bro

spill the tea kween: And is Felix okay?

girljs: ya im sure hes doing fine, no need to worry professor!

sexy owo: he could be dead for all we know

girljs: claude im literally going to slay you where you stand

spill the tea kween: Alright, I backread.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: oh no

draco malfoy: professor i am so sorry for this

draco malfoy: also no claude, felix is not dead

spill the tea kween: Don't worry about it, Dimitri. I can see none of you were intentionally at fault. I'm going to check up on Felix for now.

spill the tea kween: If anything like this happens again in the future, please let me know right away, alright? As your professor, your safety is my concern.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: if we tell you every time felix has a gay panic we're gonna end up spamming your notifs professor

spill the tea kween: Aha. You know what I meant.

sexy owo: i know you didnt mean for that to come across as threatening but that "Aha" is going to haunt my nightmares thanks teach

spill the tea kween: Anytime, Claude. I'm going to check up on Felix now.

spill the tea kween is offline.

sexy owo: terrifying