In the past decade, the Sinthasomphone children have become acclimated to their new lives and are fluent English speakers. Several of the older ones have taken jobs as welders, machinists or assembly line workers to support themselves and their parents. The parents have had a harder time adjusting to their new home and speak little English.

Their lives here have not been easy but they felt America offered more opportunities and a better quality of life than what they had left behind, said one son, Anouke, 27.

But since Konerak's remains were found in Mr. Dahmer's apartment last week, Mr. Sinthasomphone has been asking why he moved his family to America.

"My father-in-law said: 'I escaped the communists and now this happens. Why?' " Mr. Vongphasouk said. "I feel very sorry. I didn't think something like this would ever happen."

The Rev. Peter Burns, a Catholic priest in Sheboygan, Wis., who has known the family for most of their time in this country, agreed that this a difficult time for Mr. Sinthasomphone. "Obviously anyone who has gone through such a tragedy as this would wonder if they've chosen the right path for their lives," he said. A Pain Hard to Bear

Indeed, other family members said nothing about the harshness of their past could prepare them for the anguish they now feel about the details surrounding Konerak's death.

Neighbors called the police on May 27, when saw a young boy, now identified as Konerak, on the street near Mr. Dahmer's apartment building. He was naked, bleeding and disoriented, apparently because he had been drugged. Witnesses said the police returned the boy to Mr. Dahmer after Mr. Dahmer told the officers that they quarreling lovers.