Never mind that it stars Meryl Streep and soon-to-be Oscars hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin; would you watch a movie named after a Facebook relationship status?

A natural set of candidates came to mind last week when people started talking about possible Oscars hosts. The return of Hugh Jackman, perhaps? Or golden boy and similarly all-singing, all-dancing Neil Patrick Harris? Or even both? A young, hip comedian? A satirist? Or … oh. It was suddenly announced. Oh. It's Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin.

Yes, they're both veteran presenters of Saturday Night Live, yet, somehow, they didn't bubble to the top of the list for most people. So, what were the Academy Award producers thinking? Had they, perhaps, seen this?

Judging by trailer alone (it's what we do here), It's Complicated is the story of when Meryl met Alec.

It's Complicated … Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin. Photograph: Public Domain

Or rather, when Meryl met Alec again.

Meryl, here called Jane, is the central character – which is brilliant, because it's always exciting to see a strong, powerful female actor playing a feisty, professional woman. But then we're presented with a flickering list of words that could sum her up, before settling on the one that finally does:

It's Complicated … 'meet Jane' title card. Photograph: Public Domain

Meet Jane … Divorced.

Nice.

Of course, I realise that there are many empowering words in that list. But then we can't claim that as any great cinematic feminist truth, since there are also words in that list that aren't words at all, just caught in the screengrab while it was flickering. Sorry.

Of course, this story would have no legs if it was just a case of ex-partners getting back together after a midlife split. That would be too easy. There has to be a third party involved.

It's Complicated … Meryl Streep and Steve Martin. Photograph: Public Domain

Steve Martin, introduced as "Jane's Architect" (which is at least more of a description than Alec "Her Ex" Baldwin). And so here we get to see a little of the magic that has led to Alec and Steve being announced as the hosts of the spangliest award ceremony of the year.

Or, rather, we don't. Alec looks forever startled, like a cartoon rabbit undergoing a thorough airport security check; Steve like someone who'd really rather be somewhere else. Can't wait for a whole five hours of it.

It's Complicated … This Christmas title card. Photograph: Public Domain

This isn't a particularly important moment in the trailer. I just think I might start boycotting any film trailer that uses the words "This Christmas", particularly when simultaneously enunciated by a gravelly voiceover bloke with a soppy smile in his voice. I think I might advise it. I think it might be a safe bet, as a general rule.

It's Complicated … Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin in bed Photograph: Public Domain

This, though, I fear, may be if not the climax of the film, then certainly among the more excitable moments. And there's the rub. Not only is there apparently no centre to this film, it seems to not care. It doesn't think it needs any marketing points beyond the basic plot.

And maybe it doesn't. It just has to say "This Christmas … why not, as a divorced woman yourself (hooked you in at the first identifying sales point, didn't we?) indulge yourself in a tale about what life would be like if you could not only lure your cheating husband back from his new, younger wife, but then possibly turn him down because you were so in demand yourself?"

And that's about as simple as it gets. It's as low a common denominator as the plot with the dowdy girl who ends up attracting the handsome boy and becoming the homecoming queen even though she has the misfortune of wearing glasses and being clever. It's not that this film is bad, exactly. It just is what it is. And what it seems to be is High School Musical for the over-50 divorcee. And just to wind it up, there's a list of things that this film is.

It's Complicated … It's title card Photograph: Public Domain

Exciting, challenging, liberating, mysterious … rutting? (as seen above, actually, yes), frustrating, confusing, funny and most of all … It's Complicated.

In fact, the name itself does the best job, if only they'd been able to fit it in a box. It's a film named after a Facebook relationship status. And when that's the best you have to offer for a very large audience indeed? It's a bit sad.