Let’s face the facts, y’all: Climate change is already happening in full force. Human civilization and industry has done so much irreparable harm to our global ecosystem that we have literally changed the climate of the earth. And while most of the blame is to be placed on mega corporations who consume without boundaries and billionaires’ overindulgent lifestyles, there are tiny steps that we as individuals can take to lessen our impact on the environment around us. And I intend to take any step that I can to do so. That’s why I switched to eating only plant-based dick.

Yes, I’ve given up man-made meat, unless that meat is attached to a meatless man. It’s a small change in my normal cock diet that has big implications on a global scale. And while it has certainly been a challenge, it’s the least I can do to give back to the earth that has given me so much.

Also, frankly…vegan dude cum tastes better.

Some might wonder, “What difference does sucking plant-based dick make in the grand scheme of things? Aren’t there better ways to minimize one’s carbon footprint that don’t discriminate against omnivorous schlong in the process?” Well, my answer to that is: yes there are, and I do those as well! I recycle all of my plastic and paper waste, I only buy my clothing secondhand, I even utilize reusable menstrual products. I’ve got that end of things totally covered, but I decided to take things one step further: this environmentally conscious mouth only ever gets near environmentally conscious wiener. I feel good about that!

And of course, I’ve had detractors who call me hypocritical or half-assed for still personally consuming meat while expecting my sexual partners to be meat-free. And those people are absolutely correct. I’m only human, and while it’s incredibly difficult to give up meat cold-turkey (so to speak), it was a simple choice to give up cock that isn’t 100% vegan. I don’t claim to be perfect, but I’m taking steps, and that’s more than many of my carnivorous dick-eating peers can say about themselves!

All I’m saying is that I’ve made a personal decision for myself and my mother earth to cease all consumption of penis that isn’t plant-based. This is just one of the many steps that we as humans can take to diminish our negative impact on the world and its inhabitants. I know that that choice isn’t for everyone, and I wouldn’t force anyone to ever convert to eating only chlorophyll-based trouser snake. But if any of this has piqued your interest, try it out! Go meat meat-free!