Looking to showcase the finely chiselled torsos and substantial off-season gains of the game’s elite, the AFL has officially recast this year’s Anzac Day game between Collingwood and Essendon as a three hour bodybuilding marathon.

“Spectators will be treated to a smorgasbord of ultra-refined musculature, the likes of which can only be seen on athletes following years of conditioning in a scientifically advanced AFL system,” said AFL CEO, Gillon McLachlan.

With the majority of players likely to be banned from playing actual casinobonuses.io football by this stage, the Bombers and the Magpies will instead strip down and look to catch the eye of judges with a series of arresting poses including the front lat spread, the rear lat spread and the famously gruelling thigh-abdominal pose.

In what could add a little spice to the occasion, Essendon coach James Hird has hinted he may participate, depending on the state of his tan.

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