Austin Ruse is president of C-FAM (Catholic Family & Human Rights Institute), a “New York and Washington DC-based research institute focusing on international legal and social policy” (two of their four core values are “professionalism” and “truth telling,” so you know they’re legit), and he’s written a truly excellent piece on a new “pray the gay away” documentary called Desire of the Everlasting Hills. Which also sounds like the name of a bargain bin paperback novel.

And boy does he get it right.

He begins by calling out those in the, ahem, gay media for their conspiracy to erase success cases like those featured in the documentary from the public consciousness.

The modern day LGBT movement wants you to believe that the people featured in the new documentary “Desire of the Everlasting Hills” really don’t exist. They are figments of the fevered imaginations of the Christian right.

Touché, sir. It appears as if we’ve been found out, and I will absolutely be sure to bring this up at our next super-secret world domination potluck. The theme this month is “South of the Border: Recruiting unaccompanied minors to the gay underworld and make-your-own enchilada bar.” I’m in charge of the guacamole.

Austin deftly points out that documentary subjects Dan, Rilene and Paul most certainly do exist (way to rub it in), and that they’re “all refugees from deep enmeshment in the LGBT life, each finding a home in sexual sobriety and, not incidentally, the Catholic Church.”

Also not incidentally, that reminds me I need to find some enmeshed booty shorts before Dore Alley this weekend.

But as Austin rambles on, his knack (dare I say God-anointed gift?) for crafting compelling prose really starts to shine.

Like the story he tells about Dan’s green thumb:

“Was Mattson ever attracted to women? He went to a strip club and struck up a conversation about gardening with the woman trying to give him a lap dance. She gave him gardening tips that he uses to this day.”

And his totally logical conclusion:

Many in the gay life are desperate to get out. But the world conspires against them.

Amen, Sister Mary Gayaway.

If you have time to waste, you can read the rest of Austin’s piece here, and if you have serious time to waste, the entire documentary is available to stream online: