I changed my signature to a doodle of a cat. Here’s why.

I live in Hong Kong, the high-tech banking and commercial hub for Asia.

You might be forgiven for thinking that this would mean that my bank would be able to read my own damn signature.

Well… that’s not so.

Hong Kong — not exactly what you might call ‘backwards’.

I bank with HSBC — whose headquarters are in Central HK. They’re booted and suited with high tech; cards have wifi pay, chip pay, you name it.

They also insist that everyone signs electronically at a little console by the teller-window and software validates the signature — but this software is only optimised for Chinese characters and that’s not much use to me (or anyone else not signing using that alphabet).

That’s not good. Returned cheques cost me money in charges and payment delays.

Think about it this software can’t work for non-Chinese signers: every (non-Chinese) signature you ever saw was somewhere between two indexes: calligraphy/scrawl and orderly/messy.

elegant vs. neat vs. not

Somewhere at the intersection of these two indexes is your signature and mine.

So last week when the bank rejected my signature after seeing my ID for the 900th time I decided to take action.

HSBC teller: “It says your signature is not the same.”

Me: “It is different every time”.

HSBC teller: “Please try again…”

Me: “But you know I am me. You just checked my ID…”

HSBC teller: “Again…”

Grasping the silly electronic pen, I make another attempt. Sometimes I get it right, sometimes I don’t.

Bank teller: “Not same. Try again…”

There are people in the queue behind me.

I’m sick of this. So totally sick of it. What a total waste of time…

Time to act!

I asked the HSBC teller if I could give a new specimen copy of my signature.

She gave me the form.

So I made a doodle of a cat.

Wannabe fraudster: actually my REAL cat-doodle signature is quite different to this one. This is a parody.

I handed back the completed specimen-signature form, with my new cat-doodle signature.

Bank teller: “You want… you… what? You sure?” Me: “That’s my signature. Thanks”.

HSBC couldn't reject my new specimen signature, of course. No more than I could reject using their damn silly authentication software.

Since, I have signed my cat twice. HSBC have rejected neither puss.

& that’s how my signature became a cat doodle.