A muzzle is not humiliating enough, people. Now you can put a duck-bill on Fido. This little charmer has a higher humility-factor than a cone of shame. And it’s perfect for long-term, intermittent, daily torture. The cone of shame is just too ephemeral for those who really like to make Fido keenly aware of the household pecking order.

Simply stated, a must have…. if you hate your dog… who will very likely kill you in your sleep for this. No really, with ninjaesque acuity. You will probably never know what hit you. The last thing you see will be the blur of a duck-bill. Your pooch will figure that someone will feel sorry for her. And she’s probably right. She’ll find another Greenie supplier. Trust me. Who wouldn’t take pity? Some dick strapped a duck-bill on her, for cryin’ out loud.

But seriously, are these not awesome? Truly badass. And note, if you’re really brave (like in a superhero way) they’re also completely stunning on a cat.

Disclaimer: If your pet kills you in your sleep for strapping one of these little gems on her, don’t blame me. Seriously. I warned you.