Recently, my friend Jennifer wrote me and said, "So, one thing I struggle with raising [two] boys is the fascination with guns, blasters, bombs, and other instruments of destruction. I am trying to raise children who want to save the planet, and they seem much more interested in blowing it up. Finding the right balance is a tricky one for me. Would love to see your thoughts and insights."

So, Jennifer, this is for you and hopefully other parents out there, too. Let me start by saying I am not an expert on boys, guns, or the fascination with guns, blasters, bombs and other weapons. From early on, though, my husband and I made a conscious effort to have a gun-free home. We never bought toy guns for either of our kids to play with, even going so far as buying fish-shaped "water toys" rather than gun- shaped water guns when they were little in our efforts to raise "peaceful" children.

Of course we were foiled early and often. First, it was by our own children. Our son, Zach, quickly discarded his "water fish" and soon began turning benign objects into play guns to suit his own shooting and blasting fantasies. Twigs, sticks, plastic recorders (you know, the instrument), and even his toothbrush became de facto guns, bombs and blasters, when he was in a blowing up the world mood.

"Look, Mom," he seemed to say. "No gun required. I can still shoot things." He was playing with guns even though we had none. Then, when Zach turned seven, he started receiving Nerf guns left and right as birthday gifts. I still can't figure out when or how toy guns became acceptable gifts, but there they were; huge boxes, wrapped in colorful birthday gift wrap and tied with a bow. Inside? Nerf guns.

Some of the Nerf guns were water guns, others shot foam darts. All were massive and clearly resembled some "real" kind of gun out there somewhere. Some had "magazines" or came with an "ammo belt" and most had awful names like the "Blaster," "Combat Shooter," and "Strike Maverick."

So, does allowing your kid to play with a toy guns (or with a pretend stick-gun) mean you are raising a child who will turn into a violent, cruel adult? No. It doesn't.

If you are responsible, compassionate, and kind in your parenting and lead your children by good example, guiding them to do what's right, you are likely to be raising a kind, compassionate and responsible child. And, Jennifer, I know I just described you.