Like two neutron stars slowly pulled together by their mutual gravity, orbiting around each other before collapsing together and obliterating everything in space around them, Alex Jones and Joe Rogan are beefing.




I suppose this turn from the former pals was destined once Jones got 86'd from every respectable content mill on the Internet and thus became a little too hot to handle. Jones will yell at anyone (dead children included) if it’s good for business, and his totalizing worldview—or, rather, the totalizing worldview he hustles to the saddest and most gullible people online—dictates that anyone opposed to him is an agent of George Soros or the deep state or the gay frogs or whatever.

Jones and Rogan have, by their own admissions, been friends or at least acquaintances since the early 2000s, and they’ve appeared on each other’s shows (I don’t know the context for this picture, but it’s tremendous.) The trouble started last summer, shortly before Jones was banned. In a podcast with Dave Rubin last June, Rogan was critical of Jones’s Sandy Hook truthering (of which he says he was unaware when Jones came on his show in 2017) as well as muffuletta-brained conspiracy theorist Roseanne Barr’s insistence that Holocaust survivor George Soros was a Nazi.


This prompted Jones to call Rogan an agent of the globalist lizard people for defending Soros, which in turn prompted Rogan to sigh a bunch and explain that while he loved Jones and thought he was a great guy, he wished he would cool it with the Sandy Hook stuff. In August, Rogan said Jones wanted to come on his podcast again, but he didn’t want to host Jones while he was in the midst of a defamation lawsuit for saying the Sandy Hook shooting victims were paid crisis actors.

The two circled around each other as 2018 dragged to a close, and it seemed that Jones was less mad about Rogan being a secret deep-state plant responsible for keeping the population docile, and more sad that his buddy wouldn’t talk to him. Aww! The only thing more powerful than government brain-scanning technology is the bond of friendship! Jones normally comes with a “fire-and-brimstone preacher on the verge of a cocaine-induced aneurysm” vibe, but when talking about Rogan, he was downright glum. “I can’t be quiet about the Joe Rogan situation,” the bearded meatball sighed, “It’s tragic, and in our time, the real story has to be told.”

Jones seized his moment after Rogan spoke with Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey, a hilariously ill-equipped fraud. Rogan has railed in the past about Twitter silencing free speech and de-platforming in general, but he just sort of let Dorsey say whatever he wanted, unchallenged, which is kind of the Rogan model. Fans hated the Dorsey interview, Rogan issued a lengthy statement on the matter, and Jones pounced. “I never want to talk to Joe, I never want to see that little demon ... that leaking butthole that you are,” he growled, declaring Rogan a sellout for having Dorsey on while Dorsey’s Cash App was a sponsor of Rogan’s podcast. This, per Jones, was holy war.

The video below is perhaps the neatest summary of the whole feud.

Highlights include Jones saying God told him to destroy Joe Rogan and an incredibly tortured analogy about Captain Ahab, a big sperm whale (Rogan), and a giant squid “10 times bigger” (Jones) who is going to squeeze the life out of Rogan. Jones makes this point with an extreme close-up on his hands as they make a squeezing/stroking motion. Jones also promised that Rogan would appear on his show last week, then brought on a stuffed snake in his place for an interview.


Yesterday, Jones surfaced a clip of Rogan referring to black people as apes years ago, which is bad, though it’s pretty rich for Alex fucking Jones to suddenly decide to take a stand against racism.


And so, here we find ourselves, with Jones likely to continue yelling at Rogan for the foreseeable future until he is ignored long enough that he eventually stumbles ass-first into another bizarre feud.