“The Ironwood Collection Of Alpha Moves” is an ebook that promises to teach a married man how to use pickup-artist manipulation to improve his relationship with his wife. I strongly recommend you hit the “Look Inside” link to take a peek into this man’s attempt to cajole his wife into intercourse, but if you can’t stomach reading something that begins with a picture of a fedora, you should at least know that he refers to sex as “nookie.”

You should also know that to “make her panties wet”, you should text your wife, “I want Golden Corral tonight. I’ll meet you there at 7:30. Order me a Coke if you get there first.” A man’s man, you see, always gets a Coke. It is the most alpha of sodas, m’lady.