To deal with chronic staff retention issues, the USAF put together a situational report that reads like a tourism brochure

News that over a million people are planning on breaking into the infamous government facility known as Area 51 would doubtlessly come as a surprise to those who were actually stationed there, which according to this formerly classified report in the Central Intelligence Agency archives. According to the files, the secretive Air Base employees there were all too eager to leave.

And we’re not talking about inconvenienced interstellar travellers. Air Force personnel and their families stationed there during the OXCART program found that once the initial charm had worn out, top-secret bases in the middle of the Nevada desert can be rather dull.

Staff retention was such an issue that a year later, the USAF decided to take the timeshare route and make the hard sell that a deployment at Area 51 was basically a paid vacation. In a formerly SECRET situation report that reads more like tourism brochure …

the USAF touts the base’s close proximity to the “365 days a year, 24 hours a day” family entertainment of Las Vegas …

Including a “very active Art League” …

fantastic outdoor activities …

And yes, gambling.

Lots of gambling.

The fun doesn’t stop once you get past the armed checkpoint! Area 51 itself comes with all sorts of modern amenities, such as air conditioning …

television …

And free(ish) laundry!

And if that’s not enough, there’s also a state-of-the art recreation center (featuring no fewer than six bowling alleys) …

sports courts …

And even a roadkill “zoo” for your goth kid to mope around in!

If all that won’t convince you that Area 51 is the place to wind down after a long day of ███████████████████████████████████ and ██████████████████████, then perhaps this goofy hand-drawn map will!

The report ends with a sample of the Area 51 weekly recreational bulletin …

which may have inadvertently revealed what was the actual manner most people alleviated boredom on base.

While it’s unclear how successful the USAF’s strategy was at dealing with staffing issues, the OXCART program was shuttered just four years later in 1968. The report itself wasn’t declassified until 2012 — 48 years after the initial sales pitch.

Read the full report embedded below

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Image by X51 via Wikimedia Commons and is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0