Hello frightened male "Details" readers. I am here to hopefully assuage your fears that women are out to steal your sperm. In this month's sex and relationship section, "Details" posted an article entitled, "That was no 'Accident' " — a slam dunk in terms of promoting male fear around stereotyped female neuroses. Just in time for Halloween: attack of the sperm stealing baby mommas.

The article includes a few choice quotes from women who admit to or support the practice of women tricking their long-term partners into an "accidental pregnancy." They argue this point through the good old ticking time bomb suggestion. I personally like to refer to this as the Picasso argument because if people discuss it long enough someone will always use Pablo Picasso as the reigning example because he had a child when he was 70. This is physically impossible for women, therefore women are always listening to the internal countdown of when we better procreate or lose our value as people.

Women are individual people. Some of us want children; some of us don't. Some of us worry about our fertility; some of us don't. Some of us realize there are other ways not dependent on your body to have a family, such as in vitro fertilization, adoption and surrogacy, and some of us don't. But I doubt most of us spend massive amounts of time preoccupied with these thoughts or any "Details"-esque scheming.

Point blank: I think it is incredibly immoral to trick someone into such a long-term commitment as having a child. I would never base an important decision on the hope that seeing an ultrasound would miraculously raise my partner from the lows of Apatowian manchildness to an enlightened father. Even writing that doesn't make sense to me.

I also think this happens far less than "Details" would have us believe. The evidence for the argument other than three women and two men is based on faulty birth control data. "Details" argued if women were taking birth control pills correctly, only one in 1,000 would get accidentally pregnant. Because 50 times those numbers are reported, something shady must be going on.

Maybe there is a large percentage of women using birth control pills incorrectly. Maybe there is an ignored segment of women for whom the pill is not their preferred use of contraception. Or maybe the man just has magically enduring sperm. OK, maybe the last piece is not part of scientific canon, but you get the point. And where are condoms in this? If you want to take a proactive two-pronged approach, stop complaining about condoms and wear them.

Articles like those are merely platforms for "men's rights" organizations (Isn't that an oxymoron?) to hock their shrill, you know, reverse sexism (impossible, that would involve a huge shift of the power structure, an article for another day) and their bill of male reproductive rights. My advice for any of you out there worried your girlfriend being deceptive is this. Dump her and in the future don't sleep with crazies.