I believe it was around the watercooler one morning where Dr. David Thorpe, "Friendly" Greg Pollock, and I decided to buy a CB radio and spend our workday breaks riding the ionosphere with some grizzled old roadfolk. The office we work at is only a few hundred yards from Highway 101 in San Jose, which constantly has heavy truck traffic, so the whole idea made a little too much sense. Excited to enter a new world of talking to trucker folk, being delighted by their stories, possibly being threatened with violence, and let's face it-- maybe even sleeping with one of them-- we headed out to the electronics store to grab a unit.

The handheld piece of shit we settled on in the store turned out to pick up nothing but static so we took the thing back the same day, but the spirit lives on. Maybe when one of us gets up the nerve to waste even more money we'll get the full-blast car setup complete with a magnetic antenna for the top of one of our economy cars, but for now we're just preparing mentally. Thanks to the magic of Google Docs' multiplayer spreadsheet functionality, we were able to come up with a list of 300+ potential CB radio handles you're encouraged to adopt and use to delight everyone in your convoy or village.

It should also be noted that a perfectly good list of fantastic names for dogs already exists courtesy of Joshua "Livestock" Boruff and company. Most or all of the names on his list would work fantastically for this purpose too, so you're really looking at something like 500+ names for truckers, dogs, babies, you name it.

Boomer

Bullfrog

Survivor

Scooter Slick

Needlenose

Sidewinder

Blackbeard

Loveboat

Porky

Party Ass

Piano Man

Redline

Torque

Chopper Rick

Musket

Heckler

Roadhouse

Jimmy Dean

Mollusk

Boss

Diamondback

Log Boy

Kuffs

Ten Pounder

Chugwolf

Socrates

No-No

Switchblade

Steamer

Nuggets

Homo

Freeworld

Motherboard

Big Dusty

Little Dusty

Mudking

Yellowjacket

Hale Bopp

No Neck

Burly

Grillmaster

Def Jam

Haymaker

Whipsaw

Tits

Mungous

Chewbacca Slim

Up North

Coyote (pronounced KY-oat)

Blue Chips

Mork From Ork

Tumbleweed

Rude Bwai

Toddler

Roughhouse

Shit List

Mighty Sore

Boiler

Eyesore

Roulette

Wildman

Le Mans

Jawbone

Whiteball

Whiskey Nip

Struggler

Horndog

Dogpile

Piledog

Handsome Keith

Rhubarb

Moonbaby

Code Red

Baby Corn

Shepherd

Beastmaster

Wolftoucher

Daddy-O

Jean Jacket

Stiff Arm

Wiseguy

Sugarshorts

Biscuit

Flatlander

Hind Quarters

Pigfoot

Trouble

Truck Nutz

Big Rack

The Toolman

Cavedog

Short Stack

Wizard

The Roller

Bird Dog

Thinker

Hooker

Godfather

The Pretzel

Dashboard

Yukon Gold

Crackshot

Fingers

Primer

Whistler

No-Toes

Sawblade

The Sexy Elf

Bird of Prey

Trenchfoot

Falcon

Cleft

Sherbet

Mocha

Seabird

Outboard

Seawolf

Mad Cat

DDT

The French Tickler

Papercut

T-Top

Short Leg

The Stork

Precious

Wild Child

Chopper

Methuselah

Stinger

Coupon

Speedball

Octo

Squirt

Augustus

Oops! All Barry

Cherry Wine

Hubcap

Gargoyle

Cheese Horn

The Guru

Tenderfoot

Nighthawk

Blackbird

Pipewrench

The Professor

Icebox

Snake

Barnburner

Type 2

Rambler

Whiteboots

Driftwood

Flounder

Stubblechest

Humpy

Trogg Adonis Truth

The Math Man

Toadshark

King Lear

K-Bone

Nugroaster

Prometheus

Taterbug

Fantasy

Two-Thirds Nelson

Baby New Year

Giggler

Wellwater

Dogbender

Great Dane

Happy Camper

Dirtbike

Bingo

Magnetic North

Ticketmaster

Dumpling

Gumshoe

Teapot

Scuttlebutt

The Rooster

Bungler

Dart

Firecracker

9-Volt

Road Tiger

Howler

The Gremlin

Fantastic Pete

Tumbler

Red

Catfish

Other Tony

Tank

Horseplay

Guesthouse

Winker

Tatochip

Beandip

Tommy Ninefingers

The Juggler

Big Time

Cyberspace

Peepaw

Jake Fogelnest

Hooter

Cooter

Pooter

Flanksteak

Sandalwood

Nighttime Formula

Joey Cuervo

Knock-Knock

Black Beavis

Hondo

Oxblood

Nuke It

Pale Rider

Landbird

Rugboy

Dirtpit

Schoolyard

Skynyrd

Tommy Toga

Casino

Racehorse

Chop Shop

Admiral

Junkpile

The Alarmist

The Natural

Good Old Roy

Due South

Silverback

Vanagon

Yard Sale

Pitboss

Goose Egg

Porno

Jock Itch

Legman

French

Scoob

Staplegun

Stallion

Mile-a-Minute

Sleeper

Peach Pit

Cheesesteak

Beefhinge

Big Loaf

The Noid

Miracle Man

Tops

Banknote

Backslider

Jordache

Critter

Quarter Note

The Yodeler

Squeaker

Ironsides

Douglet

Tron

Tall Order

Cosmic

Hell's Bells

Codebreaker

Naugahyde

Babylegs

Slippery Jim

Flatbread

Queso

Meatus

Banjo

Yankee

Tangy

Ranch Hand

Bungalow

Fencepost

Rumbler

Bannister

Hoagie

Dadgum

Magnum

Mangum

Wheelbarrow

Shadow

Manticore

Magnet

Fang

Esquire

Clockwork

Ragdoll

Ripple

Wingnut

Bubbly

Shellgame

Tingler

Curls

Wishful Thinkin'

Pubert

Cue Ball

Man-o-War

Jazz Bone

Dogbed

Seatbreaker

Towelripper

Bloodweiser

Texas Toast

Wetlook

Sexy

@arr and @weedguy420boner contributed their expert knowledge of the road to this list.



– Jon "@fart" Hendren (@fart)