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Inside a closed community police centre on Somerset Street, Const. Eli Edwards paced back and forth, uncontrollable tears streaming down his face. Finally, he made a decision.

He pulled out his service-issued firearm and placed it on the desk.

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“I just decided that the only way out was to end it,” Edwards says.

Edwards had been out on patrol in his police cruiser when he began to feel the anxiety welling up. It was a Sunday in 2004 and Edwards had been on the job for seven years. The victim of childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a family friend his parents had trusted, Edwards joined the Ottawa Police Service to get away from those memories in his hometown of Kingston.

But the job he loved from his very first day in uniform had taken a toll. There was the constant barrage of what’s known as adrenaline dumps on shift work. He was burdened by the guilt of not speaking out about the abuse he had suffered and feared he was allowing others to be victimized. His marriage was falling apart and he was trying to cope in all the wrong ways.