This is not a rumor about Yoenis Cespedes and the San Francisco Giants. This is speculation, twice removed, from people who aren’t employed by the Giants. This is not story that’s even worth talking about yet.

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Okay, fine, I clicked, and it made me feel alive for 10 seconds. Over at the New York Daily News, they’re looking at the teams that could steal Cespedes away from the Mets, and the Giants are the first team mentioned:

Long before they ended the Mets’ season in the National League wild-card game, industry sources were talking about the Giants as the natural landing spot for Cespedes. They were ranked 28th in the majors in home runs with just 130 and 25th in slugging percentage last year, something that signing Cespedes would quickly resolve. ... The Giants are perhaps the leading contender.

I’ll take the over on Cespedes rumors. There are going to be a million of them. The logic goes like this:

The Giants need power The Giants need a left fielder The best hitter on the market is a power-hitting left fielder The Giants are a big-spending team Connect the dots, dummy.

That’s what it looks like from the outside, at least. Once you dig a little deeper, though, it stops being so obvious. Cespedes will get a nine-figure contract this time, most likely. The Giants have handed those out to pitchers, sure, but they aren’t keen on giving them out to position players, especially one who will be 31 in the first year of the new mega-deal.

We don’t know what the Giants’ payroll will be just yet, but it’s unlikely that they’re going to blow past $200 million for the first time, especially when that’ll make for some serious luxury tax penalties. And we also know that they’re GOING TO PICK UP A RELIEVER OR SIX IF THEY WANT TO KEEP LAW AND ORDER IN THE STREETS, which will take up a notable chunk of the budget. It’s hard to imagine the Giants getting Mark Melancon and Cespedes. It’s a lot easier to imagine them missing out on both.

We’ll get into the pros and cons of Cespedes later, but the obvious selling point is that he would sure look nice in the middle of the Giants’ order next year. Forget 2021 and what the payroll might look like then, and just think deep thoughts about baseball man hitting baseballs far.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Ahhhhh. My favorite thing Cespedes does is that thing where he hits the baseballs over the fence.

Not likely to happen, but get used to the rumors. The Giants have the perfect spot for Cespedes, and there’s going to be a lot of buzz. Look, it’s starting before the World Series is over. Buzz!

This has been a test of the Yoenis Cespedes/Giants Rumor Broadcast System, and only a test. If this had been an actual rumor, you would have been instructed to pay attention to words from Ken Rosenthal in a blockquote after the first paragraph. This concludes the test of the Yoenis Cespedes/Giants Rumor Broadcast System