A lot of people have accused Arie, this season’s Bachelor, of being boring. (I myself have described him as a sentient potato.) And, objectively, I’ve had more interesting one-sided conversations with my microwave than he's had with the women on his show. His vocabulary is minimal (“I love that!”). Most of his conversations sound like he's just trying to bubble in answers with a mechanical pencil, like an SAT for television love or a symptom checklist at the gastroenterologist’s office, and not questions born out of natural curiosity. This isn't just boring but insensitive. It’s that strange—but familiar—insincerity that comes off like he cares to the women he's with. His hands are in my face and hair! So he loves me! So I must love him!

America, this is not your Bachelor—this is your ex-boyfriend.

Arie has morphed into one Super Ex-Boyfriend, encompassing all of the bad ex-boyfriend traits that made you cry out, "But I did everything right! I’m so confused!" Only later do you realize he was a duplicitous loser who said all the right things at the right time to get what he wanted—the answers he wanted, the kisses he wanted, and, let’s be honest, the sex he wanted. (Last night's episode included the fantasy suite dates; the phrase "talking all night" does not fool me.) He makes women feel like they can trust him when they actually can't, simply because he doesn’t have it in him to be an adult and not use the word love liberally. (On The Bachelor open relationships aren’t an option.)

Take, for instance, how Arie told Becca and Lauren B. he was in love with each of them, a classic mistake made by previous Bachelor Ben Higgins. Ben, however, realized that saying he loved O.G. Lauren B. and JoJo was not a wise move. Though we haven’t seen the finale yet, Arie appears to lack the emotional intelligence to realize that uttering “I love you” over and over again to both women with reckless abandon is not the brightest idea. Satisfying his own urges and feeling good in the moment are infinitely more important to him than avoiding deeply hurting a woman.

Perhaps one of the most ex-boyfriend-y traits about Arie is how uninterested he is in conversation, yet he's more than willing to make women feel wanted by putting his hands and mouth all over their faces. He looks for any moment to go “mmm” and put a hard stop to the conversation to get physical. Even Kendall at first seemed apprehensive about going to the fantasy suite—she knew they had physical chemistry, but what else? She ultimately went, but it was still a subtle call-out of just how bad Arie is at creating a true foundation for a relationship with words.

It’s all hallmark ex-boyfriend: A man devoid of a truly dazzling personality tells you kissing him makes him so happy. He urges you to pour out all of your emotions for his benefit and makes you feel special just because he remembers how you like your eggs. (Restaurants I frequent know I like my eggs poached; this means nothing.) Then he breaks things off with you, only to make you question your own worth for no good reason.