Rachel Cohen’s (@kat326) Valentine.

It’s the dreaded day of days once again. Celebrating either some apocryphal rebel-priest martyr or a bunch of horny werewolves, Valentine’s is when we make cards to let people know we care about them. What could be wrong with that?

“What could be wrong with that?” was what I naively asked myself before you people started sending in your V’s Day cards. While many of you were sweet and genuine (and strangely skilled at MS Paint), there are others among you that I am actually scared of now.

Let’s take a look at what you sent!

Holts doing splits, holding things, provoking the womenfolk. (Valentine by Kelly T.)

Oh good. A venereal disease reference and we’re only two valentines in. Great. (Valentine by Clare C.)

Gnomes > Trolls, sadly. (Valentine by Josh W.)

The Wolski-Bear connection continues + food we can’t pronounce! (Valentine by Mandy K.)

Isn’t Holtby the right guy to take over Mike Piazza’s Pert Plus ads? (Valentines by Mandy C.)

Ya know… it’s your thought bubble. No reason it can’t be BOTH. (Valentine by Gina W.)

An appeal for a polyamorous Valentine’s Day. Touching. Well, not literally touching. (Valentine by Jenny W.)

[Sound of a hundred slash-fic writers banging on their keyboards.] (Valentine by Perri M. @not_a_platypus)

I have issues with the meter, but I enjoy the sentiment. (Valentine by Christie R.)

Same here, kiddo. Same here. (Valentine by Matt M.)

A great card commemorating the best Caps moment of the season so far. (Valentine by Sam M.)

The tide of PuckBuddys allegiance shifts to McRib. (Valentine by some guy named Craig Brownstein.)

A very well done poem and collage for the Holt-beast. (Valentine by Stephanie D.)

Good point: gnome kinda undermines Backy’s new serious image. (Valentine by Alison @ATPinDC)

An obvious appeal to RMNBers. Flattery: it really works. (Valentine by Mary S.)

(Valentine by Annie L.)

(Valentine by @jennrubenstein)

(Valentine by Brooke and Julia)

(Valentine by the @brouwerrangers)

Of course the grand finale is shirtless Ovi. You people are incorrigible. (Valentine by Tina K.)

Great work, everybody! Thanks for all the cards. You’re all so talented– imagine what you could be doing if you weren’t hopelessly devoted to this silly hockey team.