Spamming Upcoming author and former CNN-IBN editor-in-chief Rajdeep Sardesai has charmed the Apple family, by developing the first-of-its-kind “Moral Compass” app for the company’s newly launched iPhone6.

“I’ve been one of the most respected and admired journalists for 25 years,” Rajdeep told reporters at a grand launch of his app, presided over by dear friend and AAP ideologue, the baap of all morality, sanctimony and self-righteousness, Yogendra Yadav, “and I’ve always prided myself on my integrity. The next generation of journalism deals with providing news to smartphones but it’s important we in the profession don’t lose one thing and that’s the moral compass. That was the driving force behind me developing this app.”

In what seems to be the mother of all marketing tie-ups, those who purchase the app from his personal website will be getting a free copy of Rajdeep’s upcoming book “2014 The Election That Changed India” and vice-versa, along with complimentary Old Monk coupons at reputed pubs across the world. In an exclusive demonstration of the app for The UnReal Times, Rajdeep said that the app would comprise the following salient features:

1. F Off – The F Off feature of the Moral Compass app would measure the user’s Old Monk levels and would automatically tweet F Off, if the level is beyond a threshold. The F Off tweet would also be followed by a “playing victim” tweet, complaining about abuse from Modi bhakts. The more the “F Off” + “play victim” tweets, the more the morality.

2. Nemo Namo ha – The “Nemo Namo ha” feature of the moral compass detects lines about Narendra Modi and automatically appends a comparison with Rajdeep’s dog, Nemo in the article. For example, a line in an article draft with 25% morality read “Narendra Modi urges babus and netas to go online and communicate with people,” – the moral compass changed it to, “While Namo urges babus and netas to go online, Nemo urges people to take him for a walk,” and the morality score shot up to 75%.

3. Tyranny of distance – The “Tyranny of distance” feature in the app detects reports about religious crimes caused in the north-east or where the instigators are from “a particular community,” it automatically replaces the report with a few paragraphs on the “tyranny of distance” and why it doesn’t allow such incidents to be reported. Reports citing the tyranny of distance scored 90% on morality.

4. Block Gaurav Sawant – The moral compass automatically blocks India Today’s Gaurav Sawant on Twitter.

Sources, however, informed The UnReal Times that there have been post-launch hiccups in the Sardesai-Apple deal, with CEO Tim Cook raging mad at Yadav, yelling, “WTH man! After everything, he tells me that Apple products so ridiculously expensive and huge, the aam aadmi can’t afford them and begins preaching to me! I can’t take this!”