World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) announced today that, for the benefit of reigning World Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar, the longstanding rule that a title must be defended within 30 days has been amended to span 300 days.

WWE’s Rules Committee — a council often mentioned by Gorilla Monsoon but rarely seen or heard from — decreed this morning that “a champion need only defend his championship about once per year, especially if he is signed to an preposterously lucrative part-time contract.”

Lesnar, who is required to appear on WWE programming thrice annually to collect his $17 billion paycheck, has not defended his World Heavyweight Championship since the Clinton administration.

Asked whether he feels he is truly a “fighting champion” and a suitable figurehead of WWE, Lesnar emitted his trademark pterodactyl shriek and began pounding his penis-tattooed chest.