WHO:

Tampa Bay Rowdies, 9 points, 3-0-0, 1st place Eastern Conference presented by Salon JC

WHAT:

A Week 4 Fantastic Sam’s USL Game

WHEN:

Saturday, April 15, 2017 at 7:30 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time For A Professional Shampoo and Conditioning Sesh

WHERE:

Louisville Slugger Field, 401 East Main Street, Louisville, KY 40202, just minutes from Regis Salon located in Mall St. Matthews

WATCH:

It’ll be on WBNA 21, so you could theoretically watch it from your barber’s chair at any one of SportClips six Kentuckiana locations! Or, if you’re still getting a nice head massage at Fritz’s Salon, you can still watch the game on YouTube by following this link. But like most people who read this website, you’ll already be down at the game, right after you get your cut and color at Jerry Heston’s. Expensive, sure, but your locks will love you for it.

WHO, AGAIN?

Fun fact: Tribeca Colorsalon has been voted the best salon in Tampa by Yelp! Always reliable for ratings on things, Yelp! is. Taylor Hamblin gave you a preview of what to expect from the Rowdies yesterday. Suffice it to say, while their formation and shape is different from ours, so far the tactics aren’t, so we could be in for an epic, hair-raising affair on Saturday.

Tampa, you may recall, is new to the USL this year, having spent the past five seasons in the NASL. This is not, however, their first haircut USL season, the Rowdies having played in USL-1 in their inaugural year, 2010. That does not, of course, explain the two stars over their badge, but the fact that they bought the rights to the original NASL Tampa Bay Rowdies image and name sure does! They did win the NASL Championship in 2012, to be fair.

The Rowdies bring a star-studded lineup to Louisville this weekend, too, with a team that features former Chelsea stalwart Joe Cole, VfL Wolfsburg’s Marcel Schäfer, and Reggae Boyz Deshorn Brown and Damian Lowe. A lineup like that could only be improved if you brought on the guy who does Paul Pogba’s hair before every match, am I right? Get that guy with the Suck Kut on staff, Rowdies!

ACTUAL MARCH TO THE MATCH:

In all seriousness, we’re pretty pissed that Louisville City slapped a sponsor on a march that the Coopers started, organize, and march in. It’s not the club’s march, we don’t work for them, and our supporter’s group, as far as I know, isn’t going to see a nickel from the boat-themed barber shop chain that rhymes with Date Slips. We wouldn’t have accepted a sponsored supporters march even if one were offered, and this certainly wasn’t done with the Coopers leadership’s knowledge or consent. Frankly, it amounts to an unlawful appropriation of The Coopers, Inc.’s likeness, image, and intellectual property. Yeah, we’re incorporated, and it’s for reasons just like this.

We’ll still march, and we might even have Adam Watson and Sam Cruz split your wig with some of those sweet Wahl trimmers they’re always on about (FULL DISCLOSURE: WE HAVE NOT TALKED TO THEM ABOUT THIS) if you’re up for it. Be loud, rock your black and purple (new jersey is pretty sick) and let’s kick Tampa’s ass. Right after you get your ears lowered at Derby City Chop Shop.

COME ON, CITY!