NEW HAVEN, CT—Touting the product’s ability to veer dramatically from the barrel of a handgun with impeccable precision, Winchester Repeating Arms officials unveiled a new 9mm stray bullet Monday that the company vows will hit innocent bystanders. “We are proud to bring our customers the first bullet with a truly off-course trajectory, which carries with it our 100 percent ironclad guarantee that it will strike a helpless onlooker every time it is fired,” said Winchester spokesperson Daniel Vignale, emphasizing that the ballistics of the 9mm bullet had been expertly designed to allow the ammunition to careen far from a sighted target and into a nearby crowd. “You can load a single 9mm Winchester stray bullet into a pistol or revolver and know for certain that it will become lodged in an unsuspecting victim, or at the very least graze a passerby. Or, simply fire off numerous rounds in any direction and riddle every innocent person in sight with errant bullets.” Vignale confirmed that the Winchester 9mm stray bullets were also suitable for police and military use.

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