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It is often said that life, is what we make it. We go about each day, trying incessantly to find the delicate balance between happiness and doing what we must, to find it. . We work diligently day in and day out, to provide a home for ourselves and enable us to enjoy some of the finer things in life … we cultivate timeless friendships, to ensure that even in our worst moments, we don’t have to walk in the dark alone … and we seek out that one person whom we will come to share our inner most thoughts and dreams with, in hopes of one day sharing a life together . . Yes, it is often said that life is what we make it . . and while this often rings true, we must also realize that sometimes, unexpected visitors will arrive at our doorstep . . and when they do, we must have a game plan as just how we plan on dealing with that, which has knocked …

*Flash, Saturday – 4th of July* … My favorite holiday arrived this year in the midst of a growing pandemic, and needless to say, I was less than enthusiastic about its celebration. Regardless of how I felt, I got ready for the day after sunning myself in our courtyard — missing having a pool, of course, especially on this 90 degree summer day. As I was sitting on our outdoor staircase, Collin & Sarah came downstairs, and Collin insisted that I join them in the Winery for some “free wine” and 4th of July zooming for a bit. Not one to argue with wine or champagne, I joined them, and let Michael (a new Michael whom I had met the night prior at R) know that I would be a little late meeting up with him for food. Collin owns the Water’s Edge Winery, a place that is right below my apartment — and a place Stuart introduced me to back in January, that I of course love ! We sat down for some wine in the A/C, as Collin hysterically gave me his own review of the weekend prior, meeting Clint on his birthday at his Winery, and just what he thought of it all. Coming from a straight man, it was quite the show — had me laughing, but also realizing that much of his words were correct and spot on. Though I won’t get too much into the conversation we had, as it was and is private, I will say my favorite part was when we were talking about how difficult it can be to move forward from relationships that were very long-term that had a lot of wonderful times and a great deal of love, and Collin said, “Remember, you’re only going to look like this for so long!”, while pointing to my face. 😀 😀 😀 Sarah and I laughed, and I understood everything he had said loud and clear. After more banter, and a sip of wine, I headed to R to meet up with Michael for a drink and food. We didn’t stay here long at all this night, as there was a huge birthday party bumping loud ass music which I quickly grew tired of, so we came up to my place to let him meet Cammi and have some champagne. This Michael is a new Guest Star, whom I met the night prior while out with Merle — a guy who has seen me many times, but never approached me until now. He’s very nice, and has met a lot of the Zoom Crew in the past week as well ! We talked on the balcony a bit while watching some drunkos down below at R Bar acting a fool, then I called it a night early and watched the fireworks (the illegal ones that weren’t supposed to happen) from my balcony, just I have done now in California for so many years. I also had decided to keep it low key as I knew that I was meeting up with Stuart the next day, and we all know how that goes …

*Flash, Sunday afternoon* … The following day, I met up with Stuart for a late lunch at the Carvery on the corner of Pine — another favorite place that I hadn’t been to since before the March shutdown. Devin happened to be bartending — whom I hadn’t seen since March as well — and joined us for a round after he got off of his shift around 3:30pm. Soon, Michael zoomed over as well, and before I knew it, my “one drink” became more than one 😀 Summer has always been my time to shine, and with all the bad we’ve all dealt with lately, I feel it is my right to let loose now and then — as it is everyone’s. And that, is just what I did on this Sunday evening. After Carvery, Stuart had to head to his wine bar, so Devin, Michael and I headed to R Bar for a drink and zooms. Jeff was just getting off his shift as well, so he joined us at the only open two-top, which Michael snagged as we ordered. Since we must wear masks while ordering at the bar now be it for food or drinks, I always make sure one person in my crew gets a good table ! Adela was at R as well, so she joined us too, and we talked a bit about the weekend prior, Clint, and my emotions since he returned to Utah. Adela is a sweet, wonderful friend who is genuine in her words — and I take a lot of what she says to heart, much because she has been in very similar circumstances herself when it comes to relationships, love, and everything that comes with it. . After her steak arrived improperly made twice, she decided to head home (and due to a wicked hangover from her weekend), and I walked over to the jukebox to throw some 90’s and early 2000’s jams on the zoom! Soon, MGMT was blasting, much to Devin’s delight as well, followed by some Britney Spears (Jeff’s favorite LoL), George Strait, and Eric Clapton’s ‘Cocaine’. . It was funny to see the two straight guys be shocked to hear the songs I picked ! 😀 I have a wide variety of taste in music, and a lot of what I like now (including Clapton), I learned through the years of being and living with Clint (the more manly of us for certain). After a few photos, repeated rounds of drinks — first from Devin then from Jeff — and a ton of laughs, we all headed home around 9ish to prepare for yet another new week of this new normal …

… Monday evening, I met up with Stuart to decompress after getting some work done, and after a horrific stabbing of a homeless man on our corner, whom many locals know, took place in the early afternoon hours in broad daylight. As we sat outside on the Promenade at his place, we talked about life, the events of the past two weeks, and all that took place over the past few days alone. While I did not know the man stabbed, many nearby do, and from what I understand he is someone who struggles very seriously with mental illness — a fact that makes it all the more sad. We live in a country where you are only cared about if you have money to your name, a fact that I would ultimately love to see change after this pandemic is over. . perhaps a lesson learned that has long been needed to be learned. Stuart always helps open my eyes to things that I either bury, or refuse to see, about my own life — and this night, was no exception. Sure, we had a lot of laughs as we always do, but this time, the undertone was a bit more serious, as I told him the inner workings of all which I have been dealing with now, for longer than I care to admit. As we cleaned up, and I walked home in the dark around 9:30pm, passing the crowded bars on Pine as I made my way back home, it truly hit me as to what I needed to do on many fronts of my life, in order to truly be happy again. I smiled for a moment, knowing that any change in life is not often easy — but what is easy and what is necessary, are not often the friendliest of neighbors to each other. . And so, as I stood on my balcony this night, looking at the people below at R Bar, where we had all stood in the days prior, my mind was opened to what needs to come next in my life — and a silent promise was made, to make damn sure that it finally arrives, just around the corner …

Attainment. We navigate life each day, in hopes of achieving all of our goals — no matter how trivial or monumental, they may be. We reach for the sky, in hopes of attaining that job of our dreams — one that will enable us to live the life we’ve dreamt of since our youngest years … we seek out that one perfect friendship — the one whom will become our best friend, and be by our side through the worst and best of times … and we look for the quintessential happiness that we are taught exists as children — an existence that as we grow in to adulthood, realize is something not always easy to find . . Yes, we navigate life each and every day in hopes of attaining all of our goals . . and while it may not always be easy to find, these treasures that we seek — no matter how seemingly evasive — can only hide for just so long…………………………………………………………………………………………………….