I’m a biiiig MLS person. So, haters if you’re reading this, I’ve come to battle. I’ve loved the league since Toronto got a team in 2006 (couldn’t have cared less beforehand, I was still playing with barbies), and I’m here to show you what makes Major League Soccer awesome. Sure, there are some things that could be tweaked (league schedule? explain what TAM/GAM are? maybe entertain pro/rel? have Messi? Ronaldo?) but everything in good time, the league is only 23 years old! Imagine where MLB, NFL, NBA, and NHL were in their twenty-third year of existence… not being blogged about on Barstool, amirite?

There it is. The anthem. No, not the Champions League anthem silly. The MLS Anthem (you can say “the” before MLS because you’re referring to an anthem, dorks). After a few nights sleep since MLS Cup, a new season is upon us! Get ready to fight till the death for the next 7 months. The best part is we won’t really know how bad your team is until Decision Day (the last day of the regular season), because they’re probably in contention until the dwindling few minutes of stoppage time late in October, because… Parity! —> that’s a good thing, right?!

Here’s some things that are cool about MLS:

1. It keeps growing! Other than NHL (also amazing), not many professional leagues are expanding and adding teams. Well, MLS is alive and thriving. This year the league adds a new team in LAFC (owned in part by Magic Johnson, Mia Hamm, Normar Garciaparra, and Will Ferrell, come on – Will Fucking Ferrell!) with plans to expand into Nashville, while also having discussions with Cincinnati and San Antonio.

2. It’s American – soccer is the world’s biggest sport, but MLS is distinctly American (and Canadian, we’ll just loop them together, even though a Canadian team won the league last year, S/O TFC). In America, we LOVE America. In fact, we ONLY love America. This league is in our time zone, it features many US soccer players, and there’s also playoffs – European leagues eat your heart out.

3. Only 90 minutes - that’s less than one half of an American football game. There’s no commercials, no real stoppage in play (other than when a dude gets bumped and dies on the field). It’s extremely accessible to attend, tickets aren’t going to break the bank – perfect to bring the family, or go on a date (I swear I’m not being paid by MLS… although I wouldn’t be opposed to it $$$$$).

4. Watch soccer legends for 1/1000th the price – Remember when David Villa won the World Cup with Spain? Or when Bastian Schweinsteiger was balling out with Bayern Munich and Germany? Giovani dos Santos flourish with Villarreal and El Tri? Can’t forget Sebastian Giovinco dominating the league after stints with Juventus and the Italian national team. What about seeing Tata Martino manage Argentina in the World Cup final? or Patrick Vieira win three Premier League titles for Arsenal (RIP Gunners)? Get ready for the Zlatan Ibrahimovic era that will allegedly begin soon with the LA Galaxy! Speaking of LA, can’t wait for the David Beckham 2.0 era to begin in Miami soon! (maybe not soon, but sometime? maybe?)

5. It’s like college football – soccer fans are wild, drunken, crazy, passionate idiots, just like college football fans. If you’re used to waking up early to tailgate before an Arkansas game, well… you’d fit perfectly in doing the exact same thing for an Atlanta United game! Not only will you be tailgating, you’ll be dancing, marching, and singing unique songs that probably refer to the opposing team having sex with their mother (allegedly).

6. Who doesn’t look great in purple with a smoke bomb in their mouth?

7. You can watch the Crew in Columbus! Run don’t walk to Mapfre Stadium!

8. You’re watching our World Cup future (2022 of course) – you can get a head start now on identifying young players for the Qatar World Cup (if all those players aren’t already with pro teams or academies overseas…), so grab your pen and paper and start scouting for the next Landon Donovan, we could really (obviously) really use your help!

Just because the USA won’t be playing in the World Cup doesn’t mean you have to suck at soccer as well.

Let’s do that MLS!