ISSUES I realize I’m late and sprint to my therapist’s and tell her I’m so sorry and explain what happened, even though what happened was I left without enough time. So we talk about that for a while. I’ve had a variety of therapists evaluating me for years. A lot of it is that I need self-esteem beyond being a comedian, a sense of self that isn’t just that people laugh when I’m onstage. The other Sunday, for the first time ever, my therapist said, “I watched one of your specials.” And I got so nervous. Normally once we get past the apologies and the polite front with which I greet the world, time’s up.

PRIME So then I walk to Whole Foods to buy something for dinner. But, ugh, I’m going to say it: it’s been bananas since Amazon bought Whole Foods. And I don’t mean organic bananas. You walk in and it’s like: “Are you a Prime member? Do you want this awful fish?” They don’t even say where the fish is from anymore. They used to be like, “Sourced from the Baltic Sea.” Now it’s just like: “Fish. Are you a Prime member?”

GET OUT But they do have a lip balm I like called Mongo Kiss (banana flavor) that doesn’t make my lips too shiny. So I’ll buy that, then I’ll walk down to Chelsea Market. Everyone in there is moving around with that frantic energy like you see in movies where a mother can’t find her child. Signs point to restaurants with all sorts of great food, but every part of your body is telling you to get out of there. So I push through and arrive at The Lobster Place, where I buy wild-caught fish.

URBAN WOOD Then I remember I’m also supposed to get firewood because we have a fireplace in our apartment. There’s a bodega at Sixth and Ninth called World Market. Bodegas often have grandiose names, but it’s the same peanut butter on a high shelf. World Market has mesh bags of logs affixed with nonsturdy tape handles.