Parents are expected to lend their children more than £6.5bn this year to help them buy their first home, according to recent reports. But what about those who cannot afford to do this? We asked readers for their experiences of being first-time buyers, and parents who have given their children financial assistance. Some names have been changed to protect identities.

The children



Charlotte, 19, Northampton: I can see how much it hurts my parents knowing they cannot help



I can’t ask my parents for help as neither have any savings after they experienced health problems and bankruptcy. Both have offered to lend a hand with things like refurbishing when my partner and I do find a house, or letting us stay for minimal rent whilst we save. But this is going to take years as I have no one else to ask for financial support. I’m determined to get out of my childhood bedroom but it doesn’t seem possible right now.



I work part-time as a barista and am chronically ill with a disability. I can’t rent privately as no landlord I can find wants someone “on benefits” and there are barely any have accessible properties that aren’t in retirement parks. Even if I wanted to rent, my income fluctuates so much I would be worried about keeping up my payments. I know my parents want to help and I can see how much it hurts them to have nothing to give.

Dwight, 30, Southampton: We received a significant gift from my girlfriend’s dad



We were very fortunate to receive a substantial gift from my girlfriend’s dad. This supplemented the money we had put aside over the last two years. We had to offer more than we were expecting to secure the property which meant I had to ask my dad too, and he also provided us with a significant loan. I felt awkward accepting money from my girlfriend’s dad. Partly because I know that he intended the money to be for her but in practice it is both of ours. This puts me in a difficult position as I want to thank him for the gift but at the same time I don’t want him to think that I consider the money mine.

Katie, 22, Brentwood: My parents would help but they can’t afford to



My parents are sympathetic, they really understand how hard it is to get on the property ladder, but they don’t have enough money to help both me and my sister. We looked into getting a joint mortgage with my dad but because of his age this wasn’t possible. I didn’t feel embarrassed about asking as I think it’s normal these days. I wish I didn’t have to, but you need a deposit of around £50,000 to afford a anywhere comfortable. My dad paid £45,000 overall for his first property - it’s madness.

Samantha, 29, London: My mother and I bought a property together



My mother and I bought together. For her it was an investment with a greater return than her pension interest. She owns a larger percentage than I do as she put down the full 15% deposit three years ago. My partner lives with me and pays her rent, which covers most of her part of the mortgage. I pay half of the mortgage and service charges. Our agreement is to own together for five years and then sell, at which point she plans to do the same for my younger sibling. The mortgage is high due to her age; it’s over a 17-year rather than 25-year term. I don’t mind this as we are paying it off more quickly.

The parents



Martin Brignall, 65, Coventry: We remortgaged our house so he could buy a place



Both my wife and I agreed that renting, for our then 33-year-old son, was expensive, insecure and offered little if any pride in where you live. We knew he could not afford to save much on his low salary as a full-time teaching assistant and so decided to gift him money from our savings and to remortgage our own house so he can buy his own place and be mortgage free. We’re happy to help him set up with a property of his own that is entirely debt-free. He pays for the day-to-day running of the house but we continue to help him as and when it is needed. If we did not support him like this he would face a working life of poverty and a retirement of penury.



Sarah, 65, Doncaster: We lent money to our son but our two other children disagree



We were asked by my son for £16,000 to secure his purchase of a house outside Glasgow 18 months ago. Having readily agreed to this, my son then needed a further £35,000 to complete the purchase. We knew his salary was going to increase and that the cost of the mortgage to my son was virtually the same as his rental of a flat in the same area. We had the financial reserves available, although we were initially concerned about his ability to repay us. We were also worried about the impact on our other two children, both of whom are renting and didn’t agree with his request for help. They see this loan as unfair on us even though he is on track to repay us within four years. We don’t know how we can make this fair for all of them. What happens if we drain our savings?