I love this time of year. It’s a time of giving, sharing and unexpected surprises — like the one that just popped into my in-box.



The Times’s technology columnist, David Pogue, keeps you on top of the industry in his free, weekly e-mail newsletter.

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It comes from reader James Veitch, a London-based theater writer and director, who sent me the transcripts of a back-and-forth he had with “a not terribly clever e-mail scammer.” It’s a long shot, he said, but he thought “it might be good for publication.” He’s not kidding. I LOL’ed, I ROFL’ed, I LMAO’ed.

The scammer was posing as Alex, an actual friend of Mr. Veitch (the scammer was using a lookalike of Alex’s e-mail address—“ymail.com” instead of “gmail.com”).

Somewhere in Nigeria, Mr. Veitch’s correspondent is probably telling a similarly amusing tale…

—————

From: Alexandra K

Date: 15 December 2010 08:19:30 GMT

Subject: Hi

Hi, sorry to bother you at this time but I made a quick trip early this week to London, UK and had my bag stolen from me with my passport and credit cards in it. The embassy is willing to help by letting me fly without my passport, I just have to pay for a ticket and settle Hotel bills. Unfortunately for me, I can’t have access to funds without my credit card, I’ve made contact with my bank but they need more time to come up with a new one. I was thinking of asking you to lend me some quick funds that I can give back as soon as I get in. I really need to be on the next available flight. I can forward you details on how you can get the funds to me.

You can reach me via email or May field hotel’s desk phone, the numbers are, 011447024065511 or 011447024064567 or on my blackberry at a@ymail.com

Alex.

—————

From: James Veitch

To: Alexandra K

Sent: Wed, December 15, 2010 9:56:08 AM

Subject: Re: Hi

What??????

—————

From: Alexandra K

Date: 15 December 2010 10:33:25 GMT

To: James Veitch

Subject: Re: Hi

Thanks for your response i need $2000 to pay hotel bills and cover my expenses, let me know what you can come up with, I will pay back as soon as i return. I made some inquires and was told western union would be the best option for me let me know if you can do western union. Thanks.

—————

From: James Veitch

To: Alexandra K

Sent: Wed, December 15, 2010 4:54:23 PM

Subject: Re: Hi

Alex,

but how on earth did this happen? I had no idea you were even in London? And two GRAND on hotel bills? How on earth did you manage that? You could have stayed at mine for free! I’m working on getting you the cash.

James

—————

From: Alexandra K

Date: 15 December 2010 15:59:18 GMT

To: James Veitch

Subject: Re: Hi

Thanks alot James i promise to pay back as soon as i get back here are the details you will need in sending the funds via western union

Alexandra K,

11 Charing Cross Road,

London,

WC2H 0QU UK

—————

From: James Veitch

To: Alexandra K

Sent: Wed, December 15, 2010 5:00:59 PM

Subject: Re: Hi

To be honest, I’m a bit annoyed you’ve spent the past week in the lap of luxury and haven’t contacted me at all. I thought we were close; what happened? Also, what’s your room like? I’ll talk to the bank tomorrow.

—————

From: Alexandra K

Date: 15 December 2010 16:05:53 GMT

To: James Veitch

Subject: Re: Hi

Dont be please you know my head was filled and i was a bit confused but now you promised to help my mind is at rest cant you be able to get the funds by today please i really need to get on the next avaiable flight let me know.

—————

From: James Veitch

To: Alexandra K

Sent: Wed, December 15, 2010 6:53:02 PM

Subject: Re: Hi

Alex, before I do this, and I want to, but before I do this just tell me one thing; how was I, as a lover? I’ve been wanting to know this for ages but haven’t ever had the courage to ask.

—————

From: Alexandra K

Date: 15 December 2010 18:12:17 GMT

To: James Veitch

Subject: Re: Hi

James dont start am in a mess right now and my head aches please just get back me out of this mess and we will discuss this when i get home okay,

Thanks and waiting to hear from you soon

—————

From: James Veitch

To: Alexandra K

Sent: Wed, December 15, 2010 7:16:05 PM

Subject: Re: Hi

If that’s the way you’re going to behave then maybe you can just dig yourself out of this mess. Remember Tuscany? Those huge waves? The way you wheeled me all over town. All I want to know is whether you still love me. Tell me you still love me?

—————

From: Alexandra K

Date: 15 December 2010 18:24:30 GMT

To: James Veitch

Subject: Re: Hi

Okay James i still remember the old times we spent together and i wish we could do it once more if we had the chance to okay i will never forget the good times we both spent together please just get me out of this mess

—————

From: James Veitch

To: Alexandra K

Sent: Wed, December 15, 2010 7:31:21 PM

Subject: Re: Hi

But do you love me???

—————

From: Alexandra K

Date: 15 December 2010 18:43:40 GMT

To: James Veitch

Subject: Re: Hi

yes i do love you James and i will meet you at the airport once all this is clear okay so just get to a WU and wire the funds so we can meet and spend time together alright. Keep me posted

Love you

—————

From: James Veitch

Date: 15 December 2010 21:07:49 GMT

To: Alexandra K

Subject: Re: Hi

Hi Alex, Sorry. I’ve been busy all day today; I did manage to call my bank to make sure I had enough money to cover the hotel bills. The guy I spoke to said that Western Union isn’t safe. Don’t you think it’s better that we meet in person? On the way home I decided to ask you to write me a poem. Nothing large; just a simple one, just for me. Something about Tuscany. I remember writing you one all those many years ago and you never replied to me. It would mean a lot to me.

Yours,

James.

—————

From: Alexandra K

Date: 15 December 2010 21:12:04 GMT

To: James Veitch

Subject: Re: Hi

Western union is 100% safe okay all else you dont want to wire the funds to me cause i made inquires and was told Western union is the best way to receive funds fast and easier okay so if are still willing to help me out of this just let know

—————

From: James Veitch

To: Alexandra K

Sent: Wed, December 15, 2010 10:15:55 PM

Subject: Re: Hi

And the poem ?

—————

From: Alexandra K

Date: 15 December 2010 21:30:57 GMT

To: James Veitch

Subject: Re: Hi

I will write you the poem that is no problem but for now i need to get things straight out first okay so just wire the funds so i can get everything done and we can meet okay do you still need the information’s or you still have them with you

Thanks

—————

From: James Veitch

To: Alexandra K

Sent: Wed, December 15, 2010 10:31:28 PM

Subject: Re: Hi

I’m not doing anything until I get a poem!

—————

From: Alexandra K

Date: 15 December 2010 21:32:44 GMT

To: James Veitch

Subject: Re: Hi

Fine no problem i can see you are not helping matters thanks for your time