The courage of being fragile

I recently started embracing my weaknesses. After a lifetime of blocking the idea of appearing vulnerable, I’m finally just pulling off the mask. It’s hard, especially for a born-and-raised Mexican who was taught to be a man, never cry, and suppress all emotions. I’ve gone through life with a tall wall around me–a wall that covers my true self (Trump would be happy). This wall has taken the form of addiction to work, a heart of stone, pride, and drinking.

As a designer, I thought that showing you’re in control and that you know your stuff was the only way to be successful. My quest for perfectionism has rendered me inadequate to collaborate with other designers. Unable to let go of my vision, I push out people so I can work on every little detail myself. But that’s just crazy. You can’t achieve amazing things just by yourself. There’s this proverb that explains it better: “If you want to go fast, go alone; if you want to go far, bring others.”

So now I’m trying to change. I’m opening up to people, at work and home. I’m starting to take emotional risks and to be a bit more sympathetic toward others. I began talking about my fears, and not just with those who are close to me, but with people who I consider professional mentors. To my surprise, I realized I wasn’t the only one–people confessed they suffer from the same symptoms. It can get uncomfortable in the beginning, but if you’re candid, people listen and open up themselves too. Stuff that should be evident and easy to do has the countless obstacles of bad habits and customs. Admitting when I’m wrong, and fighting shame has been painful, but the results have allowed me to experience joy and belonging. It has made me a better person, and a better designer.

And I know that all of this sounds like hippie BS (believe me, the cynic in me challenges me at every turn), but this has helped me combat my imposter syndrome. I started admitting that I don’t know everything and that that’s ok. By embracing my flaws and by not judging so harshly myself and others, slowly, I’m able to connect with people and be more creative.