Well let’s kick off a Diamond Dave showdown! 1986’s Eat Em And Smile, 1988’s Skyscraper, both ten tracks, let’s get it on!

1. “Yankee Rose” v “Knucklebones”

I do enjoy “Knucklebones”, it’s a cool commercial rock tune, but “Yankee Rose”, c’mon! It’s not even close.

2. “Shyboy” v “Just Like Paradise”

“Shyboy”, are you kidding me? “Just Like Paradise” is Van Hagar with a better singer and frontman. Yeah, singer, I said it. Fuck Hagar and that shrill voice of his. But yeah, it’s the most generic pop AOR schlock that Diamond Dave should never aspire to because it’s beneath him. “Shyboy”? That battle between Vai and Sheehan? Dude!

So yeah, “Shyboy” is the obvious winner.

3. “I’m Easy” v “The Bottom Line”

“The Bottom Line” is a good song, but would have better without the keyboards and with Ted Templeman producing. “I’m Easy”-fun big band style tune that I absolutely love. So another one for Eat Em And Smile.

4. “Ladies’ Night In Buffalo?” v “Skyscraper”

My favorite song off Eat Em And Smile and one song that I do not like at all, so this is rather easy.

5. “Goin Crazy” v “Damn Good”

I do love “Goin Crazy”, it’s a fun poppy tune (maybe a little less keys, but I digress), but “Damn Good” is such a cool tune, a little more ballady but with a great performance by Dave as well as some cool little flourishes by Vai.

I’m giving my first one to Skyscraper at the halfway mark, so let us precede to the second half.

6. “Tobacco Road” v “Hot Dog And A Shake”

“Hot Dog And A Shake”, good rocking tune, but those damn synths. And “Tobacco Road”, smoking tune that is like Van Halen meets electric blues.

7. “Elephant Gun” v “Stand Up”

“Elephant Gun” is a smoking tune, and “Stand Up” has this kind of smokey synthpop that’s actually pretty cool until you get into that chorus, so let’s go with the scorching “Elephant Gun”.

8. “Big Trouble” v “Hina”

“Hina” is a good song, but once again, would have been a lot better without the keys, and “Big Trouble” has such an excellent groove, just such Summertime good time stuff, so I’m going with “Big Trouble”.

9. “Bump and Grind” v “Perfect Timing”

“Bump And Grind”, pure Van Halen gold. Seriously, Eat Em And Smile is the greatest Van Halen album that never was.

10. “That’s Life” v “Two Fools A Minute”

I do enjoy “That’s Life” a lot, but I give the edge to “Two Fools A Minute”. Still would prefer it without the keys, but nonetheless, it’s a damn good tune.

How does Roth and Vai fare? Well…Eat Em And Smile has eight, Skyscraper two. So there you go.