There and Back Again

5-MeO-DMT

Citation: Parasamgate. "There and Back Again: An Experience with 5-MeO-DMT (exp112023)". Erowid.org . Jun 16, 2018. erowid.org/exp/112023

DOSE:

T+ 0:00 13 mg vaporized 5-MeO-DMT T+ 0:16 vaporized 5-MeO-DMT

BODY WEIGHT: 155 lb

T 0:00:20 All sense of subject-object duality ceases.

It would take years to incorporate and integrate this.

Eating helps and grounds me.

It has been over 5 years since the first time I experienced 5-MeO-DMT. I have thought of it nearly every day since. It precipitated a series of events that resulted in me attaining Stream Entry as confirmed by two of my teachers, considered the first level of Enlightenement or awakening in the Theravada Buddhist model. The course of my life has been profoundly altered by this drug. I am beyond grateful for every single precious second of it. I am (increasingly) awake.I did not research it much in the weeks leading up to the ceremony. I knew what to avoid before the journey for safety (MAOIs, anti-depressants, hard recreational drugs, etc), but beyond that did very little research into the subjective experience. I received a picture of the drug's name via text. The friend who introduced me to the priest and would take it the same day as me told me it would be like 'meeting God.' I had a lot of trauma that I wanted to release, so I figured this would be a useful experience. I was open to the idea.T -5:00 I'm deeply anxious. A few nights ago I sat through an orientation about this experience. I feel totally unprepared. I've taken the following week off of work so that I could get out of the city with my dog on some public lands. My beloved family member is coming up to visit, 5 days later.T -4:45 Drinking a little coffee. We're about to start the ceremony. There are several of us here. The mood is excited but anxious among both aspirants (people who have never taken the drug) and initiates (people who have).T -4:30 The ceremony has begun. It is moving, opening, and grounding. I get a little meditation in and I'm more in touch with my body.T -3:30 The priest concludes the induction ceremony. I feel grounded, quite safe, and well cared for. I remain anxious, but excited. There are six of us here with the priest. Each of us will spend the next several hours taking a round each with this drug. We look at each other with anticipation. Who will go first? Last? Pass? The priest asks who will go first. We look at each other in silence before my friend raises their hand. We bow to them them as they assume the position.T -3:25 My friend is writhing in ecstasy. I am mesmerized by their vocalizations and movements. We have to follow him around with pillows a bit so that he does not injure himself. He comes back into the present moment from Suchness or Heaven or whatever you want to call it. I've never seen this expression before. We eat from platters of fruit, chocolate, dates, cheese, and crackers that we've assembled for the moment.T -2:30 Another round.T -1:15 Another.T -0:02 I raise my hand. My heart is pounding. I assume the position. We discuss the dosage. He begins preparing my 13mg dose. I am lying down. I am scared shitless. Time feels almost distorted.T: 0:00 The priest asks me to rise and looks at me with some of the most loving eyes I have ever seen. We exchange a few words. I place my lips around the pipe and inhale deeply.T 0:00:03 I can begin to feel it taking effect.T 0:00:05 There is a rising sense of urgency and fear. I lean back and lie down fully with my legs and arms in the shape of the cross. How else to surrender?T 0:00:10 I am rapidly dissolving and that's OK.T 0:00:15 This is already the most intense experience of my life. THIS IS IT.T 0:00:20 All sense of subject-object duality ceases.In the years since, I have found that the Buddhist concept of cessation actually describes the 'experience' quite accurately.T 0:0?:00 I am writhing in ecstasy. Energy currents are shooting through my body from head to toe. I am shaking as if Kundalini is arising for the first time at its greatest possible force. I am completely blown away by the intensity of the experience. Utterly humbled. Feeling a deep, intuitive sense of bliss, peace, love, and literally perfect equanimity. This ceaseless moment, exactly as it is here and now, is complete and perfect beyond my comprehension and always has been. I am God, as whatever I conceive him to be. I am ultimately not [my name] but instead completely interdependent on all of existence. My mind is inextricably intertwined with that of all sentient beings, at all places and time and space. The universe has imploded in my head.T 0:10:00 I am still shaking. I find myself in the fetal position. My mind was simply not prepared for the download I just received. I now understand why Sasha Shulgin publicly acknowledged only 5-MeO-DMT as producing a ++++. This is unlike anything I have ever experienced.T 0:13:00 Calming. It's still only beginning to sink in. It would take years to incorporate and integrate this.T 0:14:40 I gesture. The priest tells me that I am just under the wire and he will oblige. He begins preparing the second dose. I sit up in anticipation.T 0:16:00 I again place my lips around the pipe and inhale deeply.T 0:16:10 My mind is slipping again. The priest tells me to exhale. My ego follows the breath. I am God. You are God. All this is God. This 'self' I am so attached to is merely a shared hallucination on the basis of a group of entangled processes involving both mind, energy, and matter flowing all at once. Everything is perfect. I am the Universe. I am at all places and times simultaneously. All of the energy is flowing through me. I am all of the energy. There is no distinction but the ones I hallucinate. I totally understand the cosmic joke without reservation. I am totally, utterly, free and liberated, as there was ultimately no self that required liberation in the first place. Rather than being busted out of a concrete prison, I was busted from the prison of my mind. I realize that I have been in a garden paradise all along. Yet there is still pain and that is perfectly okay too. It is simply a matter of 'who' is experiencing that pain. I still wonder if I have the full picture.T 0:20:00 Om gate gate parasamgate bodhi svaha. Nothing needs to be said. I am complete. All is perfect.T 0:30:00 I 'come to.' I recently rewatched The Matrix. Neo's experience of taking the red pill, sticking his finger through the mirror, and waking up in the pod only to be flushed and saved by a loving and experienced crew quite accurately describes the experience. My eyes open and I am staring at the ceiling. I have no idea who I am, where I am, when I am, what I am doing, or how I found myself here. I might as well be born for the first time. I sit up, My friend is at my feet, hands pressed together in prayer, smiling from eye to eye. It takes me some time to recognize him. I feel hypoglycemic. Eating helps and grounds me.T 0:50:00 Another two rounds.T 3:00:00 We close out. I listen to this music all the time now. I am blown away by the experience. I am struggling to wrap my head around it.T 8:00:00 I awaken into the state during my sleepT 1, 2, and 3 days I awaken into state during my sleep againT 4 days I have a sip of wine with my family member and feel ill for itT 7 days I go for a road trip with a friend and witness an important moment for herT 7 days I am studying meditation with one of my teacher's studentsT 8 days I am back at work. Walking down the street literally feels like The Matrix. I am completely, uncontrollably, totally empathetic. Being around other people is unbelievably overwhelming.T months I attend my first meditation retreat.T months I meet my teacher.T months I take my second dose.T months I take my third dose, then again.T years I become ordained.T years I start meditating regularly.T years 'I' am confirmed by two of my teachers to have achieved Stream Entry, the first state of Enlightenment. I am free; I never was in prison.T years I take my latest dose. I get it already. I hang up the phone.