I was thinking today of some of the absolutely stupid things that people say to us fatties. Again, although this isn’t our mistake it becomes our problem. In that spirit I offer some things to say when people say dumb things:

You have such a pretty face.

Sure, but wait until you see my fine, fine ass.

Thanks, it matches my beautiful body

Do you need to eat that?

I thought that you were an accountant, are you also a dietitian?

Yes, because dealing with your rudeness is depleting my glycogen stores at an alarming rate

If I want to talk to the food police, I’ll call 911

Thanks for trying to give me your insecurities, but I was really hoping to get a Wii for Christmas this year

No, but using my fork to eat helps to keep me from stabbing you with it

What are you doing about your weight?

Moving it through space with grace, power, and joy

Dressing it in fabulous clothes and taking it out on the town

My weight is fine, what are you doing about your rudeness?

Don’t you know that being fat is unhealthy?

Don’t you know the difference between correlation and causation?

Don’t you know what is and is not your business?

Show me your evidence or shut up.

No, I don’t and you don’t either. It looks like you need to do some research.

This Health at Every Size® stuff is just fat people justifying people being fat.

My fat body is amazing and requires no justification. Your rudeness on the other hand is inexcusable.

Health at Every Size says that healthy habits are the best chance for a healthy body. Are you suggesting that we should tell people to practice unhealthy habits?

It sounds like you are just trying to justify your fat bashing.

But [I, my sister, my friend etc.] lost weight and they are healthier that they were.

Did they change their behaviors to lose weight? Then is it possible that the weight loss and the better health are both side effects of the behavior?

That’s fine for [him/her] but everyone does not have to choose the same path.

I’m happy for [him/her] but with only 5% of people able to maintain weight loss with no guarantee that it will improve their health, and the rest becoming less healthy with each new attempt, I still think that weight loss is too a dangerous choice for me.

People on Dancing with the Stars lose weight , why don’t you? (It’s possible that this one just happens to me)

People are able to appropriately interact with strangers, why can’t you?

People on Dancing with the Stars appear on television half dressed to detract from poor technique. I don’t need to do that either.

All you have to do is eat less and exercise more and you’ll lose weight.

Right, and all you have to do is click your heels together and say “there’s no place like home” and you’ll be there.

Sorry, but that’s not what the evidence says. Unless you have some proof you’d like to show me we’re done with this discussion.

All I have to do is eat healthy and do movement I enjoy and I’ll give myself my best chance for health and that’s much better than a 5% chance at being smaller than I am now.

You’re pretty for a fat girl.

I’m pretty for any girl.

That’s weird, I was just thinking that you are attractive for a rude person!

You’re not fat! (As in, like those other stereotypical fat people)

I am absolutely fat, and there’s nothing wrong with that. The problem happens when people decide that from looking at our bodies they know what we eat, how much we exercise, how healthy we are, etc.

You know, when you say that I’m not fat, when I obviously am, it makes it sound like you think there’s something wrong with the body that I live in all the time, there isn’t.

We can’t have you as a speaker because your lifestyle is obviously leading you to an unhealthy body and we don’t think you make a good example for our staff. (again, this one might just happen to me)

Fuck you. (Ok, that’s not really one I recommend)

Studies show that all it takes to get people to try something previously thought impossible is that one person does it. When I show up as a fat athlete, it lets other fat people know that athleticism may be possible for them to. That’s important since they get the constant message that they are lazy, unathletic and that they are bad examples no matter what they accomplish.

You’ve had other successful athletes as speakers. It’s interesting that you are comfortable ignoring all of my accomplishments because you can’t set aside your prejudice that I did those things in this body.

Are you being bullied about your weight? Then do something about it.

The solution to social stigma is not weight loss. It’s ending social stigma.

You can’t tell me that you’re comfortable if you’re fat.

You can’t tell me whether or not I’m comfortable since you’re not, you know, me.

I can and I am telling you that, despite your best efforts to make me uncomfortable, I am very comfortable being fat.