IS FACING AN ECONOMICAND ECOLOGICAL CRISIS

OF DISASTROUS PROPORTIONS.

I'M TALKING, OF COURSE,ABOUT PERUVIAN FLUTE BANDS.

( murmuring )

THE RED DOTS INDICATE WHERETHE HIGHEST CONCENTRATIONS

OF PERUVIAN FLUTE BANDS ARE.

ALL OVER THE WORLD, WHEREVERTHERE ARE TOURISTS OR SHOPPERS,

THERE ARE NOW, ON AVERAGE,

65 PERUVIAN FLUTE BANDSPER SQUARE KILOMETER.

GENERAL ?

FRANCE, JAPAN,

AND THE NORTHEASTERNUNITED STATES

ARE CURRENTLYTHE HARDEST HIT.

MAKE NO MISTAKE, THIS ISA PAN-FLUTE EPIDEMIC.

A "PANDEMIC" ?

THREE COUNTRIES IN ASIAAND SEVEN IN EUROPE

HAVE ALREADYASKED FOR OUR HELP

IN GETTING RID OF THEIRPERUVIAN FLUTE BANDS.

WE WILL NEED EVERY RESOURCEAVAILABLE TO SEE THIS THROUGH.

EXCUSE ME, BUT AIDOTHER COUNTRIES ?

SENATOR ?

WITH ALL DUE RESPECT,WE NEED TO BE DEALING WITH

OUR OWN PAN-FLUTE BANDS.

LET OTHER COUNTRIESFEND FOR THEMSELVES.

YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD.

THIS COUNTRY WASFOUNDED ON BELIEFS

IN FREEDOM AND INTEGRITY.

AND WE WILL NOTSIT BACK AND DO NOTHING

WHILE LESS-FORTUNATECOUNTRIES

ARE RAVAGED BYPERUVIAN FLUTE BANDS.

IS THAT CLEAR !

( sobbing ashamedly )

AS DIRECTOR OFHOMELAND SECURITY

I AM TAKING CONTROLOF THE MILITARY

UNTIL THE CRISISIS CONTAINED.