If you’ve ever suffered with chronic anxiety, you know the horrible effect that it can have on your life. The stress, heartache and mental anguish of constant fear is something you’re probably familiar with. It can be devastating, affecting your career and relationships. In my own life, anxiety contributed to a number of issues; having trouble with developing close personal relationships, fear of overcrowded areas (yes, anxiety intensified my agoraphobia), overeating, over-stimulation which made focusing difficult at best and contributed to an increase in panic attacks and asthma. Couple all of that that with university, owning and managing businesses, a full time job, marriage problems, family drama, bills and piling debt, terrible in-laws and more- I was no longer a healthy person, mentally or physically.

I’d seen the cycle before, in my own family, and I knew where that road ended: death or utter contempt for life and all it has to offer.

I realized that it wasn’t the external situation that needed to change, but the internal situation. I’d been taking anti-anxiety meds for awhile and found that my senses were simply dulled (this is just my personal experience, and doesn’t necessarily mean it’s true for everyone else). Even with medication, the anxiety was there, albeit more of a quiet shadow in the corner of my mind rather than the roaring monster I experienced without meds. Obviously the medication acted as a bandaid and didn’t get to the core issue. Although it’s not recommended by doctors, I stopped my medication and began seeking alternative options.

I slowed down my caffeine intake and replaced caffeine with herbal teas, primarily teas with lavender, chamomile, peppermint, Chinese medicinal concoctions etc.

I began exercising more regularly, mostly walking and hiking

I started going out into nature more often (studies show that a nature walk can do wonders for decreasing stress and anxiety)

I rescued an amazing rottweiler and brought him into our home as a permanent member of the family, he provided me with constant solace and support until he died late last year of cancer

I did slow breathing exercises

I visited a therapist

All of those things helped me tremendously in my journey, but they still didn’t eliminate the internal issues. It wasn’t until one morning, I entered a used book store, steaming cup of coffee in hand, that something serendipitous happened. A certain book, carelessly left on a table with an overflow of magazines, caught my eye. On the cover, was the image of a Buddhist monk dressed in beautiful orange and red, laughing, eyes closed peacefully while sitting cross legged. That book was Joyful Wisdom, by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche & Eric Swanson, and it introduced me to the art of meditation.

There are different kinds of meditation out there, and when you’re learning about it, you need to be very careful about meditation centers in the West. Some have wonderful teachings, others spread false information and unrealistic promises. Lucas Chu, a teacher and practitioner of Soto Zen meditation methods in New York, states it simply,

“meditation can bring on negative associations to some people. This is the fault of borderline cult organizations, quasi-religious groups, “new age” jargon, paid celebrity endorsements, false “gurus”, impossible guarantees and poorly taught practices. However, when practiced correctly, meditation is one of the most powerful exercises. It is a practice that has been utilized across the world for millenniums.”

You don’t need to jump quickly to find a meditation center. I started my meditation journey from the comfort of my bedroom. Besides, I’ve found that my results are almost always better when I am one-on-one with a practitioner who can gently guide me through the process. Meditation is very intimate, because it is one of the few, if only times, we sit down and have a “conversation” of sorts with our minds.

Getting to know the inner workings of our minds is the first step in meditation, and requires being completely open and accepting of the things your mind shows you (for the good or the bad). With enough practice, you will learn not only to pinpoint your anxiety issues, but to face them and accept them as if you would a friend.

When you first learn to meditate, you’re going to find that you have a lot more thoughts than you ever realized. Your brain is working at full speed, processing information and chattering to you all day everyday, only, it isn’t very noticeable in your daily life. Not until you sit down and attempt to listen to the chatter.

When I don’t meditate for awhile and then get back to it, my mind becomes jumbled with so many thoughts that it’s like sitting in the center of a Colosseum full of people conversing. It can be a bit overwhelming, you’ll notice that you have so many thoughts tumbling one over the other, that it’s hard to put them together in a coherent pattern. That’s okay! It’s a normal part of the beginning process, and it means that you are on the right track.

I think one of the most promising aspects of meditation (aside from all of the physical/mental health benefits) is getting to know our minds intimately and learning that we have no control over other people and other situations. When you come to that realization and accept it, there is an immense weight that will roll right off your shoulders.

In my first month of meditation, I experienced a major paradigm shift, changing the way I looked at the world. I realized that when I had anxiety attacks, I needed to face them internally, not attempt to hide from them. What I found interesting, was that usually if a negative or anxiety-centered thought popped up, when I faced it head on, it would peter out into nothing, as if being faced with gentle steadfastness had cowed it into peaceful submission.

Remember, even people practiced at meditation such as Buddhist monks are human- they still feel anger, frustration, sadness and every other emotion that separates us from so many of our animal counterparts. Meditation helps us to face those emotions and accept them while navigating through life peacefully and compassionately.

Though I no longer take medication, I am not 100% free of anxiety (no one is totally free of that), but it rarely creeps up, and when it does, it’s extremely fleeting, darting away the moment I internally face it. I now know how to handle it and have a better understanding of the inner workings of my mind.

Through meditation, you’ll learn to make peace with yourself, accepting yourself and others as is. It may also help you to become a more compassionate and open person, as it has for me. Ultimately, it has helped me tremendously in my marriage and relationships with family and friends, and I hope that it can do the same for you.

Today, I can confidently say that I feel at peace and happy about where my life is. Good luck on your journey and please feel free to share your story in the comments section if this resonates with you!