According to reports out of Brooklyn, Kelly actually went out and bought a fucking Peloton?

Witnesses are like, seriously?

“I just got tired of schlepping to the gym before work,” says Kelly, who said ‘no thanks’ to countless, nicer, more affordable, and more interesting ways to exercise. “Now I can work out on my own schedule for less than the cost of a gym membership. It literally pays for itself.”

Sources confirmed that there is no fucking way Kelly is going to use this enough for it to pay for itself.

Kelly, who has no children and an adequate amount of free time, has friends and family stunned.

“I thought Pelotons were for rich people who literally have money to burn?” says friend Sam Waylan. “Kelly has two roommates.”

“I always thought Pelotons were for rich moms,” adds friend Rachel Cooke. “Like, the kind of rich where a personal trainer comes to their home three times a week? Kelly is still paying off her student loans. I don’t get it.”

Friends are wondering if they will be allowed to get in on this or if this is just a weird Kelly thing?

“Honestly, I’ll stick to the spin class at my gym,” says roommate Clara Dietz. “At least people will be like ‘oh that makes sense’ instead of just ‘why????’ which is what we’ve been doing all week.”

Although many questions remain unanswered, it is becoming clear that Kelly is just going to be one of those Peloton people now.