ROTC Cadets look at a strange thing called a "map" and try to pretend they have some idea what they are doing.

ROTC Cadets look at a strange thing called a “map” and try to pretend they have some idea what they are doing.

FORT KNOX, KY — Despite widespread enthusiasm for the program, the United States Cadet Command dropped a bombshell early this morning when they announced the cancellation of planned deployments of Army ROTC and Service Academy cadets to active combat zones for their summer Cadet Troop Leadership Training (CTLT), after many went missing in Afghanistan and are now presumed dead.

“When we originally thought to send them downrange, we were kind of bandying about one Friday night down at Gilligan’s,” said Maj. Zachary Browneel, an Army spokesman. “Due to sequestration cutting down the amount of OCONUS locations that our cadets can be sent and the ever-changing face of modern warfare, we’ve decided that it would be a great idea to open up slots for cadets to be sent to Afghanistan on a rotational basis.”

Browneel paused for a moment for effect before explaining, “Now, just to clarify, we were all a little bit drunk.”