EAST LANSING – Sighing and rolling her eyes after checking her Tinder account after a few days of inactivity, local woman Annette Miller reported that her Portland High School classmate Ryan Larsen Super Liked her on Tinder.

“I’m really bad at checking my Tinder when I go home for the holidays,” Miller told us. “When I finally did, I noticed that one of my old classmates Super Liked me. I would’ve been flattered, but I distinctly remember our freshman year when he called me fat in gym class and then spiked a football at me.”

Larsen proceeded to tease her for the next few years, using both online mediums and in-person torment. His friends did similarly.

“I was a size four.” Miller told us.

Miller informed us that this is not the first time this has happened to her; in fact, just last week she received a “u up?” Snapchat from Aaron King, a student from her graduating class who now uses Instagram solely to post pictures of his semi-truck and DM women that are already in relationships.

“To be honest, this kind of thing is just part of my hometown routine now. Knowing how this goes, I’m sure Ryan [Larsen] will Facebook message me saying I’m ‘thicc’ or someth- oh, there it is now! With a dick pic to boot.” She said as her phone vibrated.

When questioned on why he felt that Super Liking Miller was an appropriate course of action, Larsen shrugged.

“She’s hot now.”

* Special thanks to Ryan Gandy for the article suggestion. *

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