HELL — In a press conference on Tuesday morning, Satan, lord of the underworld, explicitly denied ever having tempted Eve and called the Bible’s accusations a “politically motivated character assassination.”

The Holy Bible alleges that approximately 6,000 years ago, Satan took advantage of Eve’s innocence and naivete by tempting her into partaking of the forbidden fruit, an act which caused her to be cast out of the Garden of Eden.

“My client has never had any contact with this woman,” said Satan’s lawyer, Rudy Giuliani. “In fact, he has a daily planner going all the way back to the beginning of time, and on the day in question, Satan happened to be participating in a Pickleball tournament.”

The defense team for the lord of the underworld has also produced a letter signed by 60 of Satan’s fallen angel peers, vouching for his high moral character.

The Daily Frick spoke with some local Satan supporters to get their perspective on the controversy.

“How can we even know what happened thousands of years ago,” said Satanist Dorrin Fatch. “I’m not going to ruin the reputation of someone as upstanding as Satan just because some old book accuses him of the downfall of all humanity.”

“This is just a desperate attempt by the Christians to score political points,” added Rich McRonald.

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