If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. That’s how the saying goes, right? All the recent meta mayhem meant that I had severely neglected my dating life. And I needed to fix that. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, amiright? Seeing Barry and Iris playing house gave me all the feels and reminded me that that’s what I want – someone to come home to. My apartment is great and all, but Siri and Alexa can only provide so much female companionship.

No one knows what the future holds – even if you have metapowers and the ability to manipulate the Speed Force – but I’ll be damned if my future is filled with me eating Spaghettios and watching X-Files reruns alone. So, update your apps, ladies, because Cisco is back in the game! As a scientist, my life is all about the formulas; trusting an algorithm to find my soulmate made perfect sense. I snagged my laptop and set-up shop at CC Jitters (their WiFi is on point) and revamped my online profile. I realized my pic of me cosplaying as Link from Zelda probably wasn’t the biggest babe magnet, so I updated it with a more flattering photo of me at a Diamonds game – manly, right? Just as I was about to upload everything, the power went out – apparently, the barista had blown a fuse trying to meet the demand of a dozen undercaffeinated hipsters. Great. The shop was plunged into darkness and my carefully-crafted bio was lost forever.

I only had a second or two to despair before something – rather, someone - crashed into my chair, knocking me onto the floor and spilling my room-temperature latte all over my shirt. A second later, a back-up generator hummed to life and the lights flipped back on and I found myself staring up at a beautiful, yet red-faced, young woman. She pulled me to my feet and apologized profusely for bumping into me, at which point I became painfully aware that I was drenched in stale coffee. But whereas that might have been a turn-off for most women, this one simply grabbed a handful of napkins and started dabbing at the stains. Maybe I had love on the mind, but I’m pretty sure her hands lingered, and when she offered to buy me a new coffee, I took her up on the offer. We sat together and sipped our lattes, talking all the way into the night until we shut the place down.

Long story short, I got her number and am now waiting the appropriate amount of time before I can call without seeming too desperate. Safe to say, I’m no longer fretting about my LoveFinder.com profile and, now that I think about it, I might even terminate my account!