Meet the Man Who Doesn’t Like the Beatles. He’s So Interesting! God Don’t You Just Want to Fuck Him Right Now?!

Say hello to Xavier Morris. Just your average 20-something bearded hipster, Right? Dead wrong. You see, there’s something about Xavier that sets him apart from the herd, the “sheeple,” if you will. Xavier doesn’t like The Beatles. And he’s not afraid to talk about it.

It doesn’t matter where he is. He could be at a bar. He could be at a party. He could be having brunch at a new restaurant after a party or having his beard professionally trimmed and oiled. Doesn’t matter, dude will just DROP THAT SHIT.

Not only will he say it but he’ll say it CASUALLY, as if in passing! As if the words coming out of his mouth do not challenge and ultimately shatter every one of your preconceived notions about art, love, and the universe.

Jesus Christ, I’m getting horny just thinking about it.

Let’s get a few things clear. Yes, I’m talking about THE Beatles, the hugely influential rock band from Liverpool. And yes, I said he DOES NOT LIKE THEM! Not “he thinks they’re overrated,” or “he only thinks some of their albums were important.” He straight up does not enjoy their music on ANY LEVEL!

If you’re wondering why he smells like pussy all the time, it’s from all the pussy he’s been getting by being the MOST FASCINATING MAN ALIVE.

I know what you’re thinking to yourself right now and the answer is yes. He HAS heard the White Album. The album so fundamental it may as well be The Bible for how much it’s influence has shaped the world around you. Know what he said about it? “Not impressed.”

BOOM!

HOLY FUCK!

TAKE ME NOW!

Related: I Lived a Week as Ian Mackaye and Found out Most People Don’t Know Who That Is

Can we get this guy a talk show already?! What is he even doing at this party? He should be out on the world stage! A magnificent bastard! A FUCKING GENIUS! This man is operating on a level of free thought hitherto unknown!

I am unworthy, sir! We are ALL unworthy! Permit me to wash your feet with my tears and dry them with my hair while you teach me the SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE!

I gotta go. My friend just texted to tell me that Xavier is at the coffee shop next door holding court on this super obscure album called Pet Sounds by a band called The Beach Boys. I’m rock hard just thinking about it.

Article by Dan Rice @DanRiceComedy