Samsung have hit the press with the announcement that their new Galaxy Note 8 device will be unveiled in August by military bomb disposal experts.

While they are confident they have fixed the battery issues that caused an earlier generation of the phones to overheat, and in same cases, burst into flames, they are taking no prisoners with the Note 8.

Correction, no chances with the Note 8.

To this end specialists in bomb disposal have been contracted from the world’s military to unveil the new Samsung phone at a press release with everyone watching.

Captain Horacio Denger, who will be leading the squad handpicked for the operation, gave the following statement to the Herald,

“All of the men and women picked for this mission are jaded burn outs. Most of them are close to retirement, either by choice or necessity. All of them need a new challenge in the hope of kickstarting their return to fitness and a reason to savour life’s sweet taste once more. Being in the team that is first to turn on a Note 8 is just the sort of adrenaline pumping experience they need to feel connected to danger and living again.

We’ve been drilling for weeks with nitroglycerin and Semtex phones, making long distance calls, texting white lies to spouses, missing repeated calls from parents and crazed ex’s, that sort of thing, and we reckon we’re ready. If we turn on the phone without a mushroom cloud we’re going to install the Hungryhouse app and order a curry.”

The unveiling will take place in a special underground concrete bunker selected because of its ability to contain any potential explosions, although the risk is thought extremely low.

Rumours that the bunker is located in North Korea and the event will be relayed live on North Korean state television and claimed as a successful missile launch by Kim Jong-un have been dismissed as unsubstantiated.