I was going to tweet about this the other day, but I was afraid without enough context I’d come off like a murderous psychopath when in reality I’m just a big ol’ nerd. With Amazon Prime Day now taking over Barstool, though, and providing us the cash to buy whatever our hearts desire, I thought this would be the perfect time to share a weird fact about myself with y’all. My Amazon product recommendations are pretty much exclusively weapons*.

Now, there’s an asterisk on “weapons”, because they’re all fictional weapons. I’ve got Captain America’s Shield, a life size Infinity Gauntlet replica, a couple Batarangs, Mjolnir, an Indiana Jones-style bullwhip, Han Solo’s DL-44 blaster, and pretty much every lightsaber on the market staring me right in the face every time I open Amazon’s homepage. Those recommended products exist, of course, because of my frequent searches and purchases, so I’m definitely to blame, but there’s a method to my madness. You see, I’m planning on installing a “weapons wall” in my apartment because apparently I’m my sex life’s own worst enemy. A weapons wall, if you’re unaware, looks something like this…

Now that one, while awesome, is Star Wars exclusive. Mine would be all inclusive to nerd culture, and forever expanding, I’m sure, so if you’re like me and hate getting laid, here’s some of my recommendations to start your own…

Captain America’s Shield

Life size Infinity Gauntlet Replica

Batarangs

Mjolnir

An Indiana Jones-style bullwhip

Han Solo’s DL-44 blaster

Any Replica Lightsaber

Now I know what you’re thinking – “Robbie, you know your audience shockingly well, but almost TOO well! Now we all want to buy these items so bad but they’re all so expensive!”

Good news, though…it’s Amazon Prime Day. So there’s deals up the ass all over the site. Go wild with ‘em, boys and girls!