It is a strong contender for the least successful diplomatic initiative in recent European history. This year was officially designated as Netherlands-Russia year, planned as 12 months of affirming friendly bilateral ties, cultural exchange and improved business links between the countries.

Instead, the King of the Netherlands arrives in Moscow this week – to wind up the year's "festivities" – with Dutch environmental activists in jail, a Dutch ship seized by the Russians and the deputy head of the Dutch diplomatic mission in Moscow assaulted inside his home in a vindictive, homophobic – and perhaps professional – attack.

The year of diplomatic disasters got off to a bad start when Vladimir Putin visited Amsterdam in April. The city's mayor snubbed Russia's president, sending a deputy to meet him instead and flying a rainbow flag at city hall to protest against Russia's controversial legislation banning "homosexual propaganda". Thousands of locals took to the streets close to where Putin was holding official meetings.

"I don't think there has been any city in the world where Putin has visited and the mayor deliberately refused to show up," said Derk Sauer, a Dutch businessman and newspaper publisher who has lived in Moscow for more than two decades. "He was insulted to his core, and for a couple of weeks afterwards there was a non-stop campaign on Russian TV showing Holland to be a modern Sodom and Gomorrah, run by paedophiles and hashish dealers."

Even purely cultural events arranged as part of the year of friendship have not been scandal-free. The Dutch culture minister, Jet Bussemaker, attended an opening of a major exhibition of Piet Mondrian works in Moscow in September at the State Tretyakov gallery but used the occasion to condemn Russia's record on human and gay rights, telling the Russians artistic freedom is impossible without human freedoms. Her Russian counterpart, Vladimir Medinsky, was forced to listen, and made little secret of his disgust.

"It was clear that Medinsky was boiling with anger," said a source who was at the event. "He said literally two words, did not properly look at the exhibit, and stormed out."

Things really began to get nasty in October, when Dutch police briefly arrested Dmitry Borodin, No 2 at the Russian embassy in The Hague, after neighbours complained of drunken behaviour. Dutch reports suggested Borodin and his wife were inebriated. The Russians dismissed the claims and said he was assaulted by police with no legitimate reason. Putin demanded a Dutch apology, saying Borodin had diplomatic immunity and the incident had violated the Vienna convention. A foreign ministry spokesman described the detention as "incomprehensible and unacceptable".

Ten days later, Borodin's opposite number in the Dutch embassy in Moscow, Onno Elderenbosch, was attacked in his flat by intruders who daubed LGBT in red lipstick on a mirror. Dutch media reported that Elderenbosch is gay. Russia's foreign ministry promised to search for the attackers, but no progress has been announced in the investigation. A spokesperson at the Dutch embassy refused to comment on the incident or the progress of the investigation.

While no Dutch official has openly accused Russian officials or security services of complicity in the attack, privately there is suspicion that it was not a random occurrence. It had the hallmarks of a planned, professional operation and nothing was stolen from the flat. "You have to be extremely naive to think these were just two random guys going for a beer who decided to break into the diplomat's house," said Sauer. "It appears to have been very carefully organised."

Yet more bad blood between the nations resulted from the arrest of all those on the Arctic Sunrise, the Greenpeace ship sailing under a Dutch flag to protest against Russia's Arctic oil drilling programme. The 28 Greenpeace activists and two freelance journalists have been charged with hooliganism as part of an organised group and face seven years in jail. Two of them are Dutch citizens.

The Arctic Sunrise is under armed guard in the Arctic port of Murmansk and the Dutch government is bringing a case against Russia at the international tribunal for the law of the sea, due to be heard this week.

Two parliamentary debates were held in the Netherlands before it was decided the king's visit should go ahead. But his trip could still come unstuck over the gay issue.

The leading Dutch orchestra, the Royal Concertgebouw, will play at the Moscow Conservatory on Friday, watched by the king and possibly Putin. The orchestra voted not to mention gay rights during the concert, but individual instrumentalists may still make personal protests – such as wearing rainbow colours.

King Willem-Alexander is seen as a consummate diplomat who is unlikely to make waves when he meets Putin. Instead, the focus is likely to be economic. The king will be accompanied by Dutch ministers and businessmen – the Netherlands is Russia's biggest trade partner in the EU. Nevertheless, there is extreme unease in the Netherlands about the timing of the visit.

"Unless Putin releases the Greenpeace guys before Friday, we will have a situation where the King of Holland comes here to strengthen friendship with Russia while at the same time you have Dutch citizens sitting in jail and a Dutch ship seized," said Sauer.

• This article was amended on 6 November 2013. References to Holland, apart from those in quotes, have been changed to the Netherlands to reflect the Guardian's style guide.