We’ve been together for more than forty years. But we both know it was never true love. And we've grown farther apart, not closer, as the years went on.

You know why I couldn’t carry on. You complain about my job – long hours, low wages and the rest of it – but you're happy to spend my hard-earned money. And you were forever inviting your friends and relatives round to stay without telling, let alone asking, me. I don't have anything against them – really I don't, I'm not prejudiced, not at all, never have been – but there's only so many bedrooms and sofas. But you won't let me tell them it's time to leave.

I know you don’t agree with my decision to break up, and I know I might have made you angry, but I want you to know that I still care about you and I hope we can continue to be friends. In many ways, I think we make a great team, and I’d like to think we can continue to do some of the things we used to do together – we've just got to put things on a more practical basis.

How Brexit affected Britain's favourite foods from Weetabix to Marmite Show all 8 1 /8 How Brexit affected Britain's favourite foods from Weetabix to Marmite How Brexit affected Britain's favourite foods from Weetabix to Marmite Weetabix Chief executive of Weetabix Giles Turrell has warned that the price of one of the nation’s favourite breakfast are likely to go up this year by low-single digits in percentage terms. Reuters How Brexit affected Britain's favourite foods from Weetabix to Marmite Nescafé The cost of a 100g jar of Nescafé Original at Sainsbury’s has gone up 40p from £2.75 to £3.15 – a 14 per cent rise—since the Brexit vote. PA How Brexit affected Britain's favourite foods from Weetabix to Marmite Freddo When contacted by The Independent this month, a Mondelez spokesperson declined to discuss specific brands but confirmed that there would be "selective" price increases across its range despite the American multi-national confectionery giant reporting profits of $548m (£450m) in its last three-month financial period. Mondelez, which bought Cadbury in 2010, said rising commodity costs combined with the slump in the value of the pound had made its products more expensive to make. Cadbury How Brexit affected Britain's favourite foods from Weetabix to Marmite Mr Kipling cakes Premier Foods, the maker of Mr Kipling and Bisto gravy, said that it was considering price rises on a case-by-case basis Reuters How Brexit affected Britain's favourite foods from Weetabix to Marmite Walkers Crisps Walkers, owned by US giant PepsiCo, said "the weakened value of the pound" is affecting the import cost of some of its materials. A Walkers spokesman told the Press Association that a 32g standard bag was set to increase from 50p to 55p, and the larger grab bag from 75p to 80p. Getty How Brexit affected Britain's favourite foods from Weetabix to Marmite Marmite Tesco removed Marmite and other Unilever household brand from its website last October, after the manufacturer tried to raise its prices by about 10 per cent owing to sterling’s slump. Tesco and Unilever resolved their argument, but the price of Marmite has increased in UK supermarkets with the grocer reporting a 250g jar of Marmite will now cost Morrisons’ customers £2.64 - an increase of 12.5 per cent. Rex How Brexit affected Britain's favourite foods from Weetabix to Marmite Toblerone Toblerone came under fire in November after it increased the space between the distinctive triangles of its bars. Mondelez International, the company which makes the product, said the change was made due to price rises in recent months. Pixabay How Brexit affected Britain's favourite foods from Weetabix to Marmite Maltesers Maltesers, billed as the “lighter way to enjoy chocolate”, have also shrunk in size. Mars, which owns the brand, has reduced its pouch weight by 15 per cent. Mars said rising costs mean it had to make the unenviable decision between increasing its prices or reducing the weight of its Malteser packs. iStockphoto

That being said, I also thought I should mention the things we need to sort out. “Tying up the loose ends,” I suppose.

I’ve opened myself a new bank account. And don’t even think about asking me to pay half of that loan back – I never wanted the flat screen TV in the first place. Or the cycling machine. And of course I can’t keep giving a contribution to your dad’s nursing home. Bloody extortionate place.

I know the rent on the house is high but I’m sure that if you make a few savings you’ll be able to afford it without me. And incidentally, talking about the house, I’d like to keep using the cycling machine, if you don’t mind. And, now I come to think of it, I can’t afford Sky anymore, so can I come to yours when the footy’s on? I’ve still got the key so you don’t need to be there. And I did help pay for it after all.

SNP MPs sing Ode To Joy during Brexit Bill vote

Oh, and I know that big Don over the road keeps calling you nasty things on Twitter. But I’ve seen quite a lot of him since we split, and he’s actually a really nice guy, and I’m sure he doesn’t mean half the things he says, so don’t worry about it.

I do hope we can continue to be friends. It would be nice to have the odd drink now and then. That doesn’t mean I’m going to be around all the time to help you out, mind. I can’t keep bailing you out when you run out of cash before payday. And you may need to call the council about the neighbours as you can’t expect me to help deal with that any more.

In the fullness of time, when you’ve got over this, I’m sure things will be fine. Let’s face it, hand on heart, you always cared for me more than I did for you, so you’d be silly to cut off your nose to spite your face and stop seeing me, wouldn’t you?