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Priest Really Can’t Wait to Hear Your Whole Life Story in Confessional

Sources reported earlier today that Fr. David Bryant, Pastor at St. Josephat Catholic Church in Santa Barbara, is really looking forward to hearing your entire life story during confession today.

“I see the Sacrament of Reconciliation not so much as an instrument of grace and forgiveness of sins as much as a time for you to state every event that has happened to you in minute detail, the same way you did last week,” Fr. Bryant stated. “Don’t worry about those people behind you in line. It’s always been a void in my life not knowing when you moved to California or why you don’t think your grandparents got along.”

In the interest of time, however, Fr. Bryant, who has been hearing confessions without a break for 2 hours, is willing to settle for only part of your life story. “Let’s say you don’t start at your birth. That’s fine. But please make sure to give me all the reasons you committed every one of your sins. Like any apology, Confession always goes better when you make excuses.”

“If you’re not willing to do that,” Fr. Bryant concluded, “at the very least it is necessary for the validity of the Sacrament to confess the sins of your spouse. So there’s no getting around that.”