Samantha Bee on Trump and Mueller: 'The Saturday Night Massacre turned into an 11-week bender'

Late-night hosts on Wednesday discussed threats to the Mueller investigation, the Stormy Daniels fiasco and how Cambridge Analytica harvested data from Facebook to help Donald Trump’s presidential campaign.

Trevor Noah on Trump's dialogue with himself: 'It's like America elected Gollum' Read more

Samantha Bee

The Full Frontal host discussed the firing of the former FBI deputy director, Andrew McCabe.

“On Friday, Donald Trump combined two of his favorite things: firing people and screwing them out of their money,” Bee began. “If Andrew McCabe were a porn star, Trump would’ve scored a hat-trick.”

“Firings happen around this White House all the time,” Bee explained, “but this one is especially sinister because of the connections to the Mueller investigation, which Trump is just openly admitting he wants to shut down now.”



Bee then turned to news reports on the heels of Trump’s tweets about the investigation that wondered if he was considering firing Mueller.

“Of course he is. How is that in question?” Bee asked. “Trump is considering firing Mueller the way you consider ordering a third margarita on girl’s night. ‘God, you know you’re going to do it, Stacy. You say that every time!’”

The host went on: “At times like these when the government is falling apart and the Saturday Night Massacre has turned into an 11-week bender, it’s easy to lose track of important stories, even when they really, really matter.

“Not tonight,” she said. “I cannot let another week go by without saying: fuck you, Hope Hicks.”

Referring to a New York magazine report about the weeks preceding Hicks’s departure from the White House, Bee noted the former communications director did not particularly like politics and was compelled to leave because of West Wing infighting. Hicks reportedly baked cookies with notes in silver gel pen for her co-workers before her resignation.

“So, at least we all know what it would look like if Zooey Deschanel joined the alt-right,” Bee joked.

Stephen Colbert

“The Stormy Daniels story just won’t go away, no matter how many photos of her bust line Anderson Cooper slowly zooms in on every night,” the Late Show host began. “I’ll catch you up on the latest in the Daniels controversy in tonight’s Stormy Watch.”

Colbert explained that Daniels alleged she had an affair with Trump and was paid $130,000 days before the election to sign a non-disclosure agreement.

“Imagine how damaging an affair with a porn star would’ve been to the image of a family-values pussy grabber,” Colbert said. “The president has a long history of non-disclosure agreements. In fact, we’ve just learned that Trump made the White House senior staff sign NDAs.”



“This is troubling in two ways,” the host explained. “One: that’s totally illegal. Government officials work for us, not Trump. He can’t make them sign NDAs. And, two: it really makes me think Trump has had sex with his entire staff.”

Colbert went on to note that, in an appearance on CNN, Daniels’s lawyer, Michael Avenatti, said his client was physically threatened to stay silent about what she knew.

Trump’s personal lawyer, Michael Cohen, claims he never threatened Daniels. Colbert read aloud from a statement in which Cohen wrote, “I truly care about him [Trump] and the family, more than just as an employee and an attorney.”

“Yes, this porn star payoff is just Michael Cohen showing the care of a simple country lawyer,” Colbert joked. “As Atticus Finch once said, ‘I’m no idealist to firmly believe in the integrity of a married man’s God-given right to bang a porn star.’”

Trevor Noah

Meanwhile, the Daily Show host broke down the Facebook and Cambridge Analytica scandal.

He began: “This is a story involving Facebook and a company called Cambridge Analytica, which I know sounds like a Harry Potter spell that does your homework, but it’s actually a data analytics company dedicated to one thing: figuring out how to manipulate you at all costs.”



Noah explained that, in a Facebook security breach, Cambridge Analytica acquired users’ private information by targeting 270,000 accounts and thereby accessing 50m user profiles.

“Because your friend took this dumbass quiz this company you’ve never heard of got access to your account?” Noah asked, responding to reports that CA acquired data from the accounts of user’s Facebook friends. “It’s like your friend boned someone and you got the STD.



“In the wrong hands, our data can be used to do some pretty sinister things,” the host said. “We know that Cambridge Analytica got people’s data from Facebook. We know that they figured out how to use this data to manipulate people. What you may not know is who they gave all that power to.”

The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) Trevor unpacks the story of Facebook and Cambridge Analytica, which sounds like a Harry Potter spell that does your homework.



Full episode: https://t.co/hqwYN5CbXy pic.twitter.com/jX1wRfZetd

The host then explained that Cambridge Analytica was the data firm used by the Trump campaign, assisting with its research, analytics, and even television and digital advertising.

“Here’s an example of how the Trump campaign used Cambridge Analytica’s tools,” Noah said, adding that the firm’s methodology is known as “electronic brainwashing”.

“Cambridge Analytica figured out that the phrase ‘Drain the Swamp’ made people angry at career politicians and this would make them want to vote for Donald Trump. Trump told us this himself,” Noah said, showing footage from a Trump speech at the National Republican Congressional Committee in which he recounts being advised to use the phrase.

Mark Zuckerberg apologises for Facebook's 'mistakes' over Cambridge Analytica Read more

“Thanks to Cambridge Analytica, Trump knew Drain the Swamp would drum up anti-establishment votes,” Noah said. The host did note, though, that the firm’s efforts weren’t always successful, as the Ted Cruz campaign was also a client.



“All the electric brainwashing in the world can’t make people like Ted Cruz,” Noah quipped.