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Like so many storied consumer brands of the last century, Procter and Gamble—which makes Tide and many other name-brand household staples—wants to attract the elusive millennial, killer of mayo and so many other things. Their latest bid: Attempting to trademark “LOL,” “WTF,” “NBD,” and “FML.”


Ad Age reported on this attempt to distract millennials from weird no-brand brands, actually eco-friendly options, greenwashed options, and just plain vinegar in a spray bottle:

If you thought all those texting acronyms couldn’t be yanked out of the digital commons and trademarked, forget that. Procter & Gamble Co.has filed for trademarks on household and personal-care use of LOL, WTF, NBD and FML. FWIW, there’s no indication products bearing those names exist yet, and P&G doesn’t have trademark approval. The U.S. Patent and Trademark Office has sought clarifications from P&G, which has until January to respond.


“P&G has applied to use the four acronyms in liquid soap, dishwashing detergent, hard surface cleaners and air fresheners,” clarified CNBC, which is even more incredible than imagining, say, emoji-bedecked face masks.

“ LOL ,” I announce to an empty galley kitchen while spritzing away the scent of garbage forgotten over a weeklong summer getaway. “ FML,” you mutter to yourself, while scrubbing out the grimy toilet. “ WTF,” we all think to ourselves while washing plates with liquid soap and pondering the wreck of 20th century consumer society.