Esdeath

Professor of Unitology







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Professor of Unitology Know Your Units- Lagash/Lagashy lelelelel KOTails , and 4 more like this Quote Select Post

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Member Back to Top Post by Esdeath on you chose Lagash for this week's KYU I checked the poll before it was closed and saw that it said Lagash. The end result was Beatrice, which we'll do next week (



Mythological Information

Lagash is a character loosely pulled from a

Very little documentation exists of the actual city-state of Lagash, but one aspect of its culture was its gladiator-esque fights.



April Fool's

The Ishtarian April Fool's joke of a Lagash invasion puts great emphasis on Lagash's build, while also reminding us just how creepy the average woman must think this game is by showing males in the same way females are generally shown.



To make the joke weirder, a little girl version of Lagash (Lagashy) was released in both 3* and 4* variants. Rather than focusing on her physical traits (good, because I don't wanna go to jail), Lagashy focuses on Mandragoran magic... whatever that means.

Other than Lagashy, the Lagash army is made up of units that represent different stages in Lagash's training. Lagashy does the same thing in her two units, showing her evolution from "Yer a wizard, Lagashy" to a slightly less useless wizard. Even so, she's still much better than the male Lagash quartet.



In-Game Description

Normal

That primitive, violent battle... The roar of the crowd... The joy of victory.. The despair of defeat. Something special happened in that instant.. They didn't hate the world, but they joined that girl's rebellion. They are not interested in freedom. Was she the reason they went to battle?



This description is the only serious Lagash discussion in the game. It opens with a description of the #gladiatorlife, but it descended into chaos due to some form of rebellion, seemingly a rebellion led by a cult-like group. Further digging showed that another character named after a Mesopotamian city (Sippar) is shrouded in cult-like mystery, "an outstanding believer in the creed of peace... perhaps." It's possible that the chaotic rebellion mentioned in Lagash's description is led by



April Fool's (1*)

I didn't know the truth then.

No idea what real strength was.

Ready to battle anyone, anywhere.

Their size? Like that mattered...

All I can remember was thinking,

"Muscles don't fail me now..."



Let the cringe commence! This Lagash description is the first in the April Fool's collection and describes a pre-Herculean Lagash. His situation is reminiscent of Batman before he received his training from the League of Shadows, trying to win fights he couldn't possibly win against enemies that could crush him on a whim. Think of this Lagash as Christian Bale right before being offered ninja lessons from Liam Neeson.



April Fool's (2*)

I remember being in a terrible rut.

Beaten and broken, I was defeated.

I thought, "Am I not big enough?"

It was at that very moment I realized,

"I need more muscles..."



We've crossed the line between healthy exercise and certifiable insanity, folks. The mentality of a midlife crisis and bulging biceps do not mix. At this stage, friendships and relationships with family members will be crippled if not destroyed by the unshakable devotion to muscular growth. He's just about too far gone to rescue with an intervention.



April Fool's (3*)

All my hard work has paid off.

It was tough but worth all the effort.

I mean... Look at this killer body!

If you're ever down on your luck,

or maybe just having a bad day,

take a look at these magic muscles!



Well, guys, it's happened. Lagash sold his soul to Bowflex (god of muscles). His wife filed for divorce for her own mental health, his wife's boyfriend tried to talk some sense into him, and his wife's son swore to never exercise so he won't end up like Lagash. The April Fool's joke is at its peak of weirdness, or so we thought...



Lagashy (3*)

This is a story... A very strange story about a little girl who had the same dream every night. A dream filled with creatures, and a heroic Knight. They were only dreams until that one night... That one night someone showed her face saying, "Thyme to teach yew the ways of magic, Lagashy!"



You don't have to browse 4chan to know the Rules of the Internet. R63 states that all will be gender-bent, no exceptions. We all know that this game does a great job of complying with that rule. The surprise is that they did it to one of their own characters. Lagashy is a girl-child version of Lagash. Apparently, Salix creeped into this child's bedroom in the dead of the night to offer her some candy from the white van out front to teach her magic. This is odd since Salix, of all Mandragora, has never shown herself capable of using magic. Probably not the most qualified instructor in the world, but she's probably better than



Lagashy (4*)

I was a normal girl... I wasn't always like this. My whole life changed when that Mandragora said, "Thyme to teach yew the ways of magic!" Ever since then things have been different... Not that it's a bad thing! Now instead of playing in my room I use this tomahawk to bash up the baddies!



I think we found the answer to how Salix is teaching Lagashy magic: she isn't. Based on the last sentence, Lagashy uses her weapon for melee combat. Apparently, Salix gave her a stick, told her it was magic, then sent her out into a world more dangerous than Pandora to beat Raid Boss-tier monsters to death. Given Sali's track record, this isn't surprising at all.



Image

I'm about to lose my Man Card for this...

Normal

The

-Nose bandage

-Horn shoulder accessory

-Red hair



April Fool's (1*)

The



April Fool's (2*)

Stuck in a rut,



April Fool's (3*)

Lagash has achieved the level of muscular supremacy he's always dreamed of. Because his happiness depends on the size of his body, he's ecstatic. He has all the features from the Lagash template and isn't creepy at all (in the picture).



Lagashy (3*)

Initializing R63.exe.



Lagashy (4*)

has become the new queen of bashing people to death with a stick and calling it magic. Her new status comes with a new outfit, probably designed by Sali given the color. She's earned her shoulder horn, and we now get to see her weapon. Her outfit is pretty skanky for a child to be wearing, and anyone with this Lagashy is probably about to be arrested (Press F to pay respects).



She still has heart-head Sali with her, guiding her down the path of getting mauled by vicious woodland critters a fearless heroine.



Power Play

Marvelous Muscles- Of course, the April Fool's Lagashes and Lagashies have a power play that boosts their health. You knew this one was coming. Not sure why it's a health boost instead of an attack boost, but since these units are a troll, it really doesn't matter.



That's all for this painful exercise, folks! There was nothing remarkable about Lagash's skills to mention. Thanks for not murdering me for checking the poll too early. I'll do better next week! Good evening, all you internet trolls! I come to you today abused and feeling very violated. Why? BecauseI checked the poll before it was closed and saw that it said Lagash. The end result was Beatrice, which we'll do next week ( I'm so sorry ). Fortunately for me, the background information isn't disturbing, only the Ishtarian units themselves (there are 6 thanks to April Fool's day).Lagash is a character loosely pulled from a comic book franchise in Argentina featuring a man named after his parents' hometown (Nippur) and his own (Lagash). Both of these cities are nestled in the Mesopotamian region, and the events of the comic books tell historical events from a fictional standpoint, much like the style of The Three Musketeers. At the peak of the story, Nippur becomes the King of Lagash, but he decides he likes the life of a nomad and therefore gives up his power to continue his adventures. He is a well-built and fit guy, making Hugh Jackman look like a sissy. He's often drawn topless and wearing a loincloth, armed with a bladed weapon. When he is clothed, he wears a yellow tunic with a red cape Very little documentation exists of the actual city-state of Lagash, but one aspect of its culture was its gladiator-esque fights.The Ishtarian April Fool's joke of a Lagash invasion puts great emphasis on Lagash's build, while also reminding us just how creepy the average woman must think this game is by showing males in the same way females are generally shown.To make the joke weirder, a little girl version of Lagash (Lagashy) was released in both 3* and 4* variants. Rather than focusing on her physical traits (good, because I don't wanna go to jail), Lagashy focuses on Mandragoran magic... whatever that means.Other than Lagashy, the Lagash army is made up of units that represent different stages in Lagash's training. Lagashy does the same thing in her two units, showing her evolution from "Yer a wizard, Lagashy" to a slightly less useless wizard. Even so, she's still much better than the male Lagash quartet.This description is the only serious Lagash discussion in the game. It opens with a description of the #gladiatorlife, but it descended into chaos due to some form of rebellion, seemingly a rebellion led by a cult-like group. Further digging showed that another character named after a Mesopotamian city (Sippar) is shrouded in cult-like mystery, "an outstanding believer in the creed of peace... perhaps." It's possible that the chaotic rebellion mentioned in Lagash's description is led by Sippar Let the cringe commence! This Lagash description is the first in the April Fool's collection and describes a pre-Herculean Lagash. His situation is reminiscent of Batman before he received his training from the League of Shadows, trying to win fights he couldn't possibly win against enemies that could crush him on a whim. Think of this Lagash as Christian Bale right before being offered ninja lessons from Liam Neeson.We've crossed the line between healthy exercise and certifiable insanity, folks. The mentality of a midlife crisis and bulging biceps do not mix. At this stage, friendships and relationships with family members will be crippled if not destroyed by the unshakable devotion to muscular growth. He's just about too far gone to rescue with an intervention.Well, guys, it's happened. Lagash sold his soul to Bowflex (god of muscles). His wife filed for divorce for her own mental health, his wife's boyfriend tried to talk some sense into him, and his wife's son swore to never exercise so he won't end up like Lagash. The April Fool's joke is at its peak of weirdness, or so we thought...You don't have to browse 4chan to know the Rules of the Internet. R63 states that all will be gender-bent, no exceptions. We all know that this game does a great job of complying with that rule. The surprise is that they did it to one of their own characters. Lagashy is a girl-child version of Lagash. Apparently, Salix creeped into this child's bedroomto teach her magic. This is odd since Salix, of all Mandragora, has never shown herself capable of using magic. Probably not the most qualified instructor in the world, but she's probably better than some teachers I think we found the answer to how Salix is teaching Lagashy magic: she isn't. Based on the last sentence, Lagashy uses her weapon for melee combat. Apparently, Salix gave her a stick, told her it was magic, then sent her out into a world more dangerous than Pandora to beat Raid Boss-tier monsters to death. Given Sali's track record, this isn't surprising at all.I'm about to lose my Man Card for this...The original Lagash is a stereotypical gladiator, except he does it for a living instead of just a painful death for an overlord's pleasure. Ax and pieced-together armor ready to go, Lagash puts on his lucky nose bandage and fights for another dollar. Let's look at his defining features that'll carry over into his other forms.-Nose bandage-Horn shoulder accessory-Red hairThe Stud Muffin is a combination of epic and cringy. He retains the features of the Lagash template, but his muscles are smaller. He's also wearing fabulous boots with the fur. He's also rocking a fur scarf and spiked armor. Is this nightmare over? No, we still have 4 units to go.Stuck in a rut, Man Candy Lagash is suffering from (fake) crippling depression. He still has the bandage and hair color, but the shoulder horn is either missing or out of view. The overall theme of the card is dark, as if he's retreated to a dark place to waller in his sorrows. Hot Rod Lagash has achieved the level of muscular supremacy he's always dreamed of. Because his happiness depends on the size of his body, he's ecstatic. He has all the features from the Lagash template and isn't creepy at all (in the picture).Initializing R63.exe. Lagashy is the genderbent Lagash, retaining the Lagash template but in little girl form. She hasn't ascended to Legendary Lagashy of Legend tier yet, so she hasn't earned her shoulder horn. She's got a hint of Mandragora in her appearance as well with the leafy ties in her hair. Notice how she's carrying Salix in her backpack. This means one of two things: either Sali is much smaller than we thought, or Lagashy is an Amazon with a bright future in basketball. Lagashy has become the new queen of bashing people to death with a stick and calling it magic. Her new status comes with a new outfit, probably designed by Sali given the color. She's earned her shoulder horn, and we now get to see her weapon. Her outfit is pretty skanky for a child to be wearing, and anyone with this Lagashy is probably about to be arrested (Press F to pay respects).She still has heart-head Sali with her, guiding her down the path ofa fearless heroine.Marvelous Muscles- Of course, the April Fool's Lagashes and Lagashies have a power play that boosts their health. You knew this one was coming. Not sure why it's a health boost instead of an attack boost, but since these units are a troll, it really doesn't matter.That's all for this painful exercise, folks! There was nothing remarkable about Lagash's skills to mention. Thanks for not murdering me for checking the poll too early. I'll do better next week!