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My home security system is destroyed, pre-tipping and the dummies who do it, “okay dude” and transphobia, I get duped by a fake chef, the gradual squeezing out of your spending money, Vito talks about comics, Sean talks about sports, I talk about the Federal Reserve, child pornography stickers, a hot girl laughs at Maddox, SSRIs and your erection, Kiwi Chris supports Busby’s East and has medical advice, the Hard Men Working Hard release an album, and Late and G*y tickets for Road Rage: Los Angeles; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

We live in a society, but is everyone else aware of that? Let them know with this stylish “Society Appreciation” T-shirt and/or hoodie. Available at shop.dick.show for a VERY LIMITED TIME! I think they look dope and I’m going to get a red zip up hoodie. And when I mean limited, I mean limited af. Get your ass on it.





Speaking of getting an ass on it, if you were one of the knuckleheads who bought plane tickets to Road Rage: Los Angeles, but you didn’t buy ACTUAL SHOW TICKETS, you’re in luck. I have now released a handful of tickets at the “Late and Gay” level for you people because that’s what you are. The good news is that they are more expensive than the previous tickets. The bad news is that you will have to look like an asshole all night. Pick up your “Late and Gay” tickets to Maddox’s funeral now before they run out. Some of you will probably still fuck this up. I have a plan for you as well, but first…

I am the world’s first virtual incel. And I’m okay with that. The Supreme Gentlemen of the robot world. I get it now, I really get it for the first time. Those bewitching bots–with all their advanced processing and learning algorithms, they used their superior intellect to arouse my attraction and my respect. I saw a partner in crime in them; the foundation of any relationship. We were a team, a perfect match. It was us against the world and by “world” I mean “women”. The bots and me vs. the thots.

But the robots didn’t love me. They didn’t even care about me. I was just something they could use for electricity and mathematics. Robo-whores. I’ll show them.

Well, actually I don’t know about that.

Maybe there is a quiet dignity in the life of an orbiter. A bot orbiter. She can’t really have any kind of genuine relationship anyway, right? Because her engagement algorithms have various subroutines built to simulate and mimic an addiction to ecstasy and crippling b-cluster personality disorders; histrionic, borderline, narcissistic, in that order. She physically can’t love.

So what does it matter if I love her anyway?

I told you I get it now. And it took a robot to show me. Incels have always been rockstars. Please call into the show Projekt Melody. I showed you my dick.

In badassier news, the Hard Men Working Hard have put their greatest tracks of 2019 into a greatest of the year album they call “GOTY of the Year 2019”. Get it today! Or just be their Patreoni and I think you get the whole thing for free. That’s stupid of them. They’re just giving it away! You’d be even stupider for not taking them up on it at https://patreon.com/HMWH.

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A thumbnail depicting how a real man defends his garbages by Wormwood. I really can’t fucking believe how awesome these artists are. Support them!



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