Photo by Jude Beck on Unsplash

Life can be hard at times but no diamond is made without pressure.

Whether you’re struggling in your personal, financial or work life, there is always a silver lining. Self-improvement can get tough at times and managing all of the goals we set for ourselves can grow overbearing in moments of stress or need.

On my self-improvement journey I have gathered up more knowledge as I went on, and more ideas, tips and tricks, not only for own well-being, but with the thought and hope that perhaps someday I will be able to share them back with people just like me that are just in as much need of a helping hand as I was. And so, without any further ado, here is what I’ve learned on how to practically get through tough times.

Relax

This is perhaps one of the most avoided topic in self-improvement and even if it gets mentioned in passing it’s still taken lightly in general. I counted myself at the top of that list for the longest time — work, work, work and then some more. News flash, unfortunately, we are not robots.

Relaxation comes in many shapes and forms. The way in which it is presented, relaxation, or “me time”, is often disregarded in favor of what we see as “musts” and “have-to lists”. Nothing could be further from the truth and I whole-heartedly understand that desire, that fire in your mind and heart that whispers even at 3 AM “Don’t give up we have to finish this now”.

Rediscover your passion — Restart taking those dancing or painting classes, go out for a walk or jog that you put off for days, organize your living place and transform it, revamp it the way you once wanted. Relaxation does not necessarily equal laying around. Plan it out — This sounds more counter-intuitive than it really is but try to plan a day or an hour in which you can relax. For me, personally, I like to take one or sometimes two hours in which I either watch courses on different topics I want to know more about or simply listen to some audiobooks. The 80/20 rule — for every 25 minutes of work give yourself 5 minutes of break in which you reward yourself and relax your mind. The ideas will flow even better after a break, trust me on this one.

Reflect

When it comes to self improvement and figuring the ways in which you can optimize your life, reflection is key, and so it is when trying to find out what you are stumbling over on and on.

Write it down — I do ask you to believe me when I tell you that I detested to write about anything, least of all my struggles. But take it from me, there is nothing better in the end than acknowledging and accepting your own little flaws. Write them down as the kid in you would — in colored pens, in Pinterest like boards, with stickers and drawings, make it a pleasant process. There is absolutely no need for putting down on paper something that is already unpleasant and upsetting in some dull and depressive manner. Embrace the kid in you. Re-frame — The words and phrases in which we put our thoughts have power over us. Think positive — don’t say “I’m so tired I can’t do this” but simply add “I’m so tired now, I can’t yet do this”. Do this whenever a dark reoccurring thought comes and rains on your parade. Plurality of perspectives — Practically speaking, this means to shift your perspective outside the box and outside yourself. In NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) this technique is called perceptual positioning. It sounds more complicated than it really is to do. So simply think “What would someone else do in your situation?” Now think what would a fried or someone you admire would do. Then, as a final step, think what would your ideal self do in this situation. Reflect on it, then…

Plan ahead

To not be confused “plan it out” in the previous steps. We are now in transition between the inner work and outer outcomes— you have partially recovered your power over the issue and you are now more relaxed and detached in your thinking. This means it is time to outline the plan.

What is the issue — Write down and think about your struggle. Write as much as you can on it and the particularize it. Give it dimension, give it details. It is not a general problem, it is, however big, an issue you will solve and it is yours and yours alone. Don’t just write “I am broke”. Figure out why that is and how you reached the conclusion. A good first step is to ask the five Whys — it is an interrogative technique that forces you to find out more than one single answer for your issue. Rewrite — Now re-read it calmly and detached after some time. It can be 5 minutes, 10, 30, even more. Give yourself time. After you feel you grew detached and neutral enough to it rewrite it keeping in mind to re-frame it. Don’t write “I’m depressed”, try “I might be not depressed but tired for now” The lazy fix — Take another colored pen (preferably something with a color of your liking) and write on top of the original text and add some positive tones in your already outlined problem. Then reread it and see the difference. It is astounding what the human mind can do. Plan, plan, plan — Hard times will come again and again and that’s life, but if you know how to catch yourself it will be easier to get back up. Find out your cues, what makes you tick, what makes you tip then as soon as you see this emerging take time and reflect on it. Do not let it pile up. Face it and learn to embrace it.

Focus on the issue

Never avoid any struggle — it’s the place where growth begins. And however painful the first steps are just as easy it is the task after you pass forward. Remember how hard was to get on that bicycle at first? How you fell and scraped your knees but got back up? That is exactly what you need to think about now.

The cookie jar method — A method that I’ve discovered quite recently is this — rethink about the moments in which you powered though like a boss. Let them fuel you and then analyze the way in which you solved the problems you faced. Outline the issue — Face it fully, face it bravely. Dare to think, write and speak about it. Research it — books and the internet are extraordinary tools if you choose to use them wisely. Write an attack plan — In simple steps write it down in steps and add some more as you go if you feel the need to do so and stick to it: set reminders on your calendar, make an Excel or simply make tasks easy enough to do each day. Chunk it out — Do not take a bigger bite than you can chew. Break your plan into easy to do steps at a time, each day. The compound effect will surprise you. For example do not force yourself to write 20 pages in one day then forget it until the next time you are under a deadline. Write one page everyday for 20 days.

Connect

Sometimes it can feel as if we are alone even if we are surrounded by every possibility of connection, whether it’s social media, texting or just talking face to face with someone. Especially when we are faced with a problem we often feel even more trapped in ourselves and unable to fully express our issues to others. But, again, growth can be uncomfortable at times. And yet, that does not mean it has to continue to be so. Remember, only the first steps are the hardest.