Every week, I’m going to rank the players based on their impact in the episode. These rankings are going to be completely subjective (so please don’t spend too much time critiquing them) based on my feelings of how entertaining the characters were, how they did competitively/politically, and how the episode impacted their overall game.

I’m going to keep running totals to determine who has the best season on War of the Worlds 2. The winner of this prestigious championship will be awarded the grand prize of nothing.

On that note, let’s get to it.

RANKINGS

12. Cara- I debated who should be last between Cara and Paulie this week, but to me it has to be Cara.

Paulie’s body just broke down, we’ve seen that happen many times to great competitors in finals before, whether it was Abe, Sarah, Zach, Georgia, etc.

Cara had a legit mental breakdown this episode. She’s cried twice already in the final — once because she couldn’t solve a math problem, and again because she didn’t like what she was eating.

These are literally the tantrums of a first grader.

Cara hasn’t been in the right place mentally all season, and this final is the culmination of her mental deterioration.

As much as Cara has proven her career, it looks like Jordan’s concerns about her this season were right. Cara looks mentally defeated right now.

11. Paulie- Even though I cut Paulie a tiny bit of slack for breaking down, given he’s the smallest guy on the US team and he went two times in a row carrying the gurney, this episode was still one of my favorite downfalls to watch in Challenge history.

I mean, the episode started with Paulie telling Leroy about how Jordan and Tori overtrained at the beginning and how he was ready to crush the final. This is never not going to be funny:

And I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone talk more shit in a final than Paulie — making fun of the US team for not being able to do math (after his girlfriend cried doing math), getting pissed when the US team tried to pass him, etc.

This has all been perfect karma for Paulie, not only because of his gameplay this season but just the overall way he carries himself.

He talks about himself like he’s one of the greats, but he has come up short many times already in his career, whether it was losing three eliminations on Final Reckoning, blowing the purge on War of the Worlds and now faltering in the final.

9. Zach- As much as I’ve liked Zach this season, I have to agree with this tweet by Derrick K:

In his confessional Zach said he was going to take a “quick break” to recover. A quick, four-mile break? Where you let Ninja and Cara — who together probably weigh less than Zach — carry the gurney?

There’s just no world where Zach should ever be taking a break before Paulie, and I think he has to take some blame for Paulie’s collapse.

8–7. Drogan- They sucked at the math checkpoint, but Rogan has done three rounds carrying the gurney, and Dee doesn’t resemble the girl who passed out after running laps around the house anymore.

They both had a lot to prove coming into this final, and so far they are passing the test.

6–5. Jori- They’ve continued to perform like superstars, as Jordan has carried the gurney at every checkpoint and Tori has taken two turns.

It’s not a surprise how well they’ve done, and they’re just one step closer to their Cinderella story victory.

4. Kam- Out of any female, I think Kam has had the most impressive showing so far.

She carried the gurney two times for the US team, and at one point she was carrying the front of it by herself.

I kind of wondered about Kam’s cardio coming into the final, but she has killed it so far.

3. CT- It felt like the old, fire-breathing CT came out for this final.

He’s beasted every aspect so far, and done it like a boss.

Yeah, CT made a bonehead mistake running Team US off the track and making his team take a 10-minute penalty, but it was fun to see the choo choo train take out the US, and then watching CT flip out on TJ was hilarious.

I don’t think I’ve seen CT dog TJ that hard since he ripped the flag against Brad on The Duel.

2. Leroy- He’s been the leader of the US pretty much the whole season, and that continued in the final.

Leroy has been on every round carrying the gurney, and he doesn’t even seem like he’s phased by it.

I thought that other people were going to have to pick up Leroy’s slack, but he’s been the one picking up everyone else’s slack so far. How ironic is it that he hitched his wagon to Paulie this season, and he’s the one who’s potentially costing Leroy his chance at a win?

Leroy’s aced every part of the final so far. If he somehow doesn’t make the second stage of the final because of a puzzle, it will be absolutely devastating.

1 Ashley- Was Ashley the best performer in the final so far? Not by a long shot.

She didn’t carry the gurney until the third round, and was struggling badly during it.

But Ashley is my MVP of the week for her commentary. Ashley was hilarious trying to motivate Paulie and Cara during their fuck-ups.

When Paulie was about to pass out, she offered this as motivation:

Ashley may not be the best competitor on Team US, but thank god she’s there to make fun of this trainwreck of a team.

Stray Thoughts

There was such beautiful foreshadowing in the beginning of this episode. Paulie quizzing Cara with math problems while she was running on the treadmill, and of course Paulie talking about how much gas he has in the tank.

I’ve enjoyed the final so far and I’ve liked that there hasn’t been anything too convoluted. The US having to carry an extra 40 pounds is maybe a bit too skewed against them, but it’s not enough to be considered that unfair of an advantage.

It’s weird how skewed the math questions were, however. Jordan had to count 33 sixes just to solve his problem. Meanwhile Kam had this brain buster:

I kind of like that just four players make it to the last stage of the final, although it is a bit unfair to Team US, as UK will only shed one player. The preview of the players rowing to TJ at the end gave me vibes from The Island.

As far as what I’m rooting for, if it’s just two guys and two girls who make it to the last stage from both teams, I want to see Team US be Leroy, Zach, Ashley and Kam, and Team UK be Jordan, CT, Tori and Dee. I honestly wouldn’t mind either of those sides winning, but I’ll probably still be rooting for Team UK. (If it’s gender-neutral, I would maybe sub in Rogan for Dee, but I’d be happy seeing either of them in).

Team US is looking really dumb for throwing in Josh right now. Imagine if they had Zach, Leroy, Josh and Paulie to carry the gurneys. I don’t think the final would even be close right now. The US made a lot of bad moves this season, but putting in Josh right before the final is up there.

A couple more great songs picked for this episode in “Going Up the Country”and “Spirit in the Sky”

Episode Grade: A-

Season Standings

32. S̵e̵a̵n̵ (1)

31–30. F̵a̵i̵t̵h̵ ̵a̵n̵d̵ ̵Z̵a̵h̵i̵d̵a̵ (6)

29. B̵i̵g̵ ̵T̵ (32)

28. N̶i̶c̶o̶l̶e̶ (67)

27. W̵e̵s̵ (76)

26. L̶a̶u̶r̶e̶l̶ (97)

25. E̶s̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ (103)

24. B̶a̶n̶a̶n̶a̶s̶ (131)

23. I̶d̶r̶i̶s̶ (138)

22. T̶u̶r̶b̶o̶ (168)

21. K̶a̶y̶l̶e̶i̶g̶h̶ (176)

20. B̶e̶a̶r̶ (181)

19. K̶y̶l̶e̶ (197)

18. J̶o̶s̶s̶ (198)

17. J̶e̶n̶n̶y̶ (189)

16. T̶h̶e̶o̶ (214)

15. Ninja (235.5)

14. J̶o̶s̶h̶ (254)

13–12. G̶e̶o̶r̶g̶i̶a̶ and N̶a̶n̶y̶ (256)

11. Cara (274)

10. Kam (304.5)

9. Zach (313)

8. Paulie (317.5)

7. Leroy (327.5)

6. Tori (342)

5. Ashley (346)

4. Dee (369.5)

3. Rogan (372.5)

2. Jordan (375)

1 CT (377.5)