What a great American John McCain is. Unquestionably, as President Clinton said earlier this week, he gave almost everything but his life for this country. And a tremendous hero and a tremendous role model …a nd he was supposed to be on the show. So at the last minute he calls up and says, “Uh … I can’t make it.” And I said, “What is the problem?” And he said, “Well, the economy. The economy is about to crater.”

And I don’t know if you folks regularly get calls from United States senators, but I’m telling you, you feel like you’ve been deputized. And so he says, “I have to race back to Washington, D.C. … the nation’s capital.” I said, “I know that, Senator.” How dumb do I look? He says, “I have to race back because the economy is about to crater.” And, of course, I said, right away, “Whatever you need to do.” Am I gonna be the reason people are standing in bread lines? No. “Well, we’d have saved it, but I had to go on Letterman’s show … Everything would have been fine, but he wouldn’t let me out of the gig. That’s why it cratered. It’s Letterman’s fault. There he is. Get him!” So I don’t need that.

So I’m scared. I’m starting to tremble a little bit because he said, “I’ve got to race back to D.C.” And I thought, holy gosh. … OK, everything’s fine. Don’t worry about it. The senator is on his way back to D.C. So, not only did he not go back right away, he stopped by to see Katie Couric on his way out. And then, OK, we looked at it and we said, “OK, I understand that. That’s news and this is nonsense.” But then after Katie Couric, wham-o, right to the airport … no. No. No. We found out today that he didn’t really leave until this morning. (Boos from the audience.) Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. So what we learned today is that the economy held on long enough –- just barely held on long enough for him to get back there.

Whereas, you can see, 24 hours ago, I felt like a patriot. I felt like I was helping out. I felt like I was doing my part. Part of the cause. Fighting the fight. Not part of the problem, I was part of the solution. I was going to help in my own little way get this economy out of the crater. And now I’m just feeling like an ugly date. That’s what I feel like. I feel like an ugly date. I feel used. I feel cheap. I feel sullied. I feel cratered.