Greenville Triumph

“The Upstate Boys”

Full disclosure: I’ve got nothing on this place.

Say Greenville to me, I think Swamp Rabbits. Say Triumph, I think old British bikes. Hence the limp swing at a Billy Joel reference with the nickname.

In my defence, it doesn’t sound like the Chief Brand Officer was divinely inspired either.

“Triumph means you’ve won. You’ve overcome obstacles, opposition and competition to achieve a goal … [t]he ability to pick yourself up when you’re knocked down is fundamental in sports and life.” Doug Erwin tries explaining Greenville’s name

Well, at least it ain’t Greenville United, I guess.

The Upstate Boys have been rather more inspired in their recruitment, landing the (in)famous John Harkes as head coach. Predictably, the American Fiasco co-star has reassembled some of his old FC Cincinnati squad. Less predictably, they’ve also picked up Dallas Jaye, the first-choice goalkeeper of the Guam national team.

Guess the graphics guy’s a Swamp Rabbits fan…

Hell of a way to one-up the teams talking up all their ex-youth internationals.

Tormenta FC

“The Fighting Ibises”

I’ve done Walt Disney World three times. I’ve been photobombed by more ibises than I care to remember. Even so, it took until the unveiling of Tormenta’s mascot Bolt for me to realize that wasn’t a pelican on their crest.

The team’s branding has always been irrationally good for a PDL side. I don’t quite get the choice of Tormenta (unless it’s some kind of vague Des Moines Menace parody) but compared to some of the gloriously absurd names that league’s seen, it’s kinda sexy.

Whether you can say the same of their players isn’t for me to say, mainly because I’ve never heard of most of them. Over half the squad are either holdovers from Tormenta’s 2018 PDL squad, or returnees from previous seasons.

Really hope the gamble pays off for them, especially when they’re relying on the likes of

Lars Eckenrode for defensive cover. We saw how that worked out for TFC II last year…

FC Tucson

“The Rehabbers”

The number of parallels between D3 and Australia’s A-League is getting suspicious.

The single ten-team table, the triple-round robin schedule, the one team from a neighbouring country without a pro domestic league (for another 30 days), and the westernmost team being a thousand miles from the nearest opposition.

Why FC Tucson aren’t sponsored by an airline is anyone’s guess.

They don’t call it the Distance Derby for nothing.

It’ll be interesting to see if other fans embrace these guys. Will they get tagged with the same stigma as the more half-assed less successful MLS farm teams, or will their seven-year history in PDL mean folks will give them a pass for the FC Drogba connection?

Hopefully the Cactus Pricks (no kidding) won’t be too pissed about the loss of even vaguely local opposition, because there aren’t many familiar faces on hand.

May he be as good for them as he was for us…

As I understand it, they pretty much jettisoned their entire 2018 squad. They’ve called back a couple of stand-outs from previous seasons, and plenty of USL drifters including none other than Kyle Bjornethun. Given that he’s up against a Spanish La Masia graduate for left-back, he’ll probably be on the bench when TFC II fly out on April 13th.

North Texas Soccer Club

“Frisco Burn”

Slightly awkward subject for a TFC II blog, but I’m genuinely hoping we see more MLS sides follow Seattle’s lead in rebranding their farm teams. If nothing else, it’d help distract from the fact they’re glorified reserve teams.

I’m also hoping others exercise a bit more imagination than FC Dallas did on this one. Did Dan Hunt decide the best way to compete with the Rio Grande Valley Toros (easily the most ridiculously-named affiliate) was to pick the dullest option possible?

There’s also the issue of how to abbreviate it. USL seem to have settled on NTX, presumably after they Googled NTSC and found nothing but region-lock workarounds. My problem with NTX is, at first glance, it looks like WWE’s USL affiliate.

I’m not saying I hate the idea…

Roster-wise, it should surprise precisely no one that they’ve doubled down on the ‘play your kids’ ethos FC Dallas are operating under this year. Head coach Eric Quill (who is presumably mightier than Eric Sword) has outright stated NTSC is essentially an extension on the first team, so don’t expect too much line-up consistency.

The very few non-academy products in the squad include two 19-year-old West Africans – specifically a Beninese and a Gambian – on loan from the Czech third division.

Think we can guess who recommended the Gambian dude…

Orlando City B

“The Cubs”

Well, look who’s back…all together now: nants ingonyama bagithi Baba!

Though I’ve already anointed the Richmond Kickers as TFC II’s pseudo-rivals for 2019 (only until Rochester and Harrisburg get back), they’ve got some history with OCB too: four games over two seasons, with home sides winning every match.

Speaking of Richmond, newly-minted Red Richie Laryea played three of those games for the Cubs, so if Rabasca has a poetic bone in his body, he’ll be on the plane next week.

OCB appear to be taking cues from J-League and K-League teams with squad-building, pinning their hopes on four mysterious Brazilians from Brasileirão youth set-ups. As for their crop of U18s, you could say they’ll have the ultimate home field advantage as I think they’ll be playing a Terrence Boyd penalty kick away from their dorm rooms.

Thanks for reading!

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