Name: Face tattoos.

Age: They were outlawed by the Roman emperor Constantine in AD316, so older than that.

Appearance: extremely noticeable.

Obviously. You wouldn’t get a tattoo on your face if you didn’t want people noticing it. No. Or if you ever desired gainful employment.

Why is that? They are known in the tattoo trade as “jobstoppers”. A 2018 survey found that six in 10 employers would be “substantially” less likely to hire someone with a face tattoo.

That was then. This is now. In the meantime, face tattoos have become more popular, thanks to Instagram and inked celebrities including Justin Bieber and Little Mix’s Jesy Nelson. “I can’t go a week without a young person coming into our studio asking for a tattoo on their neck, face, or hands,” says Lee Clements of the British Tattoo Artist Federation (BTAF).

That’s because face tattoos are cool. You know they don’t come off, right?

Of course. So what? So what happens when you grow up and apply for a job in public relations?

It will never happen. Anyway, by then having flames tattooed above each eyebrow will probably be completely socially acceptable. But what if it isn’t?

Dunno. This is precisely why the BTAF is proposing to change the legal age for face tattoos.

What is it now? If you are 18, you can legally get a tattoo anywhere on your body. They want to raise it to 21 for anything on the face, neck or hands.

That’s so unfair. Having tats is my right! But why on earth would anyone want tattoos on their face?

Because Lil Xan has them! If Lil Xan robbed a bank, would you do that, too?

I think so. That’s why we need the law changed.

I don’t care about your laws, mate, or what the average Daily Mail reader thinks. They think people with face tattoos should be denied benefit payments.

Really? “If you intentionally make yourself unemployable by doing this – no benefits for you,” said one, commenting on the news.

Well. That is slightly concerning. “Anyone that gets a tattoo on their face which does prevent them from working should have all benefits permanently stopped,” said another.

I don’t see that sentiment gaining wider currency, do you? “Ink on faces should be instant disqualification from access to benefits,” said a third.

Huh. I’m just going to text my mum. OK.

Do say: “It says ‘LIB DEMS’, but I was only getting tattooed tactically.”

Don’t say: “That’s my CV, right there on my left cheek. Ignore the MySpace address.”