The biggest crowd ever in UN history prepares to listen to Trump

Today is the day that Donald Trump has to make the ultimate sacrifice. He must stand in front of cheap 12 inch marble tiles at the United Nations to tell other world leaders that they need to be like Trump.

In his first address to the United Nations General Assembly on Tuesday, President Trump will urge other countries to do their part in confronting threats such as North Korea.

And how can everyone else do their part? By supporting Trump.

Trump will also argue that his nationalist doctrine of "America First" is not an impediment to international cooperation, but rather a rational basis for countries to work together, without losing sight of their own self-interest.

Trump will press this as an alternative to the oppressive one-world government which overrides national boundaries, enforces arcane rules under the threat of a blue-helmet invasion, and exists only in the minds of Trump’s black helicopter-fearing supporters.

It’s also unlikely that Trump will refrain from using this opportunity to continue his game of name-calling with the only person in the world carrying their nuclear football more loosely than Trump. However, he may hold back from making comments on the decor.