Media playback is unsupported on your device Media caption 'I curled up in fear' - Leanne Truesdale was six when her babysitter started to abuse her

When Leanne Truesdale was a little girl, she used to sit in her living room, dreading the sight of her babysitter coming up the garden path.

Aged about six, Leanne was sexually abused by George Oliver at her home in Newtownards, County Down, for the first time but she didn't understand what had happened.

She trusted him.

"He said he wasn't going to hurt me and I remember just lying there, frozen," Leanne, now 37, told BBC News NI.

Image copyright Leanne Truesdale Image caption Leanne Truesdale as flower girl, at about the time the abuse started

"I didn't know whether it was right or wrong.

"I had a fear but I didn't understand what it was. When you're a wee girl of that age and something like that happens, you don't know what is happening to you - why should you?

"He said that if I told anyone, my mum and dad weren't going to come home, something bad was going to happen to them and nobody would believe me."

Image copyright Sunday Life Image caption George Oliver was a family friend and regularly looked after Leanne

Twenty years on and still trying to process what had happened, Leanne became an alcoholic and twice tried to kill herself.

"I was drinking myself into an early grave - I didn't want to live any more," she said.

"I was self-medicating but it got to the point that alcohol wasn't even working for me and I started to lose people in my life.

"Then I got help and was asked in an Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting why I drank and it was like a light bulb moment. It was George, my babysitter."

After getting herself sober in 2015, Leanne plucked up the courage to speak to police about the abuse.

She had seen her attacker at a bus stop and it brought her childhood trauma right back.

Image copyright Leanne Truesdale Image caption Leanne Truesdale said her family situation was "dysfunctional" and her babysitter gave her attention

"All my life I've been in self-destruct mode because of the way George groomed me," said the mother-of-one.

"As a child, my family was quite dysfunctional and George made feel like I was getting attention.

"I didn't really expect the police or anyone to care or believe me."

But they did.

Last month, William George Oliver, now 68, of Dicksonia Drive in Newtownards, pleaded guilty to indecently assaulting Leanne but denied three other similar charges, which were left on the books.

He received a 14-month sentence, suspended for three years.

"I can't even describe the feeling... when he pleaded guilty," she said.

"But the funny thing was that when he was stood there in the dock, looking old and really ill, I felt sorry for him."

Image caption Leanne says the abuse has affected relationships and her self-esteem

Leanne added: "People have told me that I'm brave for speaking out but it doesn't feel like that to me. I just want people to know that they don't have to suffer in silence.

"My uncle said to me: 'You could have been lying in the graveyard and nobody would have known anything about what happened in your life,' and I think about that quite a lot.

"You have to face your fears and speak up - you can't have something as heavy as that hanging over you for the rest of your life. It's only going to drag you down even further.

"I always had this feeling that I was dirty and I still ask: 'Why did it happen?' but I'll never get the answer.

"Some of my family still don't want to talk about it but my auntie, uncle and dad have been amazing. These last few years, they have supported me when, at times, I thought I wasn't worthy of it.

"Even trying to tell my story now, I still feel like I'm not important enough for people to listen to me."

The next chapter

While Leanne knows there is a long road ahead, she says she has got some closure.

She finally feels like people believe her and that the abuse was not her fault.

"I still get days and weeks where I'm brought right back," she said.

"Say, for example, somebody mentions child abuse or I see someone who looks a little bit like George, it triggers me.

"That sends me into a downward spiral where I find it very difficult to even do simple tasks, like making my daughter dinner.

"I struggle with being a mum during those times and it's something that I'm working really hard on but it's really hard sometimes. I just want to protect her and do the best for her.

"Physical wounds can heal but the emotional damage that something like that does to a person has been an eye-opener to me.

"Since I stopped drinking, I've found out so much about myself and realised how much it has impacted my life.

"But it's over now."