Jeff

Excerpts from a Dog's diary:

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!

9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!

10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!

11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

1:00 PM - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!

1:30 PM - ooooooo. bath. bummer.

4:00 PM - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!



Excerpts from a Cat's diary

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre

little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh

meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only

thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and

the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the

occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat

another house plant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by

weaving around their feet while they were walking

almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the

stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these

vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit

on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the

headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I

am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their

hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a

good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to

plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are.

For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture.

This time however it included a burning foamy chemical

called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a

liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb

still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their

accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the

event. However, I could hear the noise. More

importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to

MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and

how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are

flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely

released and seems more than happy to return. He is

obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has

got to be an informant, and speaks with them

regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due

to his current placement in the metal room his safety

is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of

time......



