Last night, Jon Stewart ripped through all the GOP bullshit about how they're upset Obama doesn't seem to want to work with them anymore.



BARACK OBAMA (1/28/2014): I'm eager to work with all of you. But America does not stand still, and neither will I. So wherever and whenever I can take steps without legislation to expand opportunity for more American families, that's what I'm going to do.

And of course, the Republican response.



1/29/2014: REP. KEVIN BRADY, R-TX: We're willing to work with the President. You know, we're hopeful maybe he'll sit down and work with us. SEN. JOHN THUNE, R-SD: We would all love to have the President be willing to work with us. REP. CATHY McMORRIS RODGERS, R-WA: I think the President, unfortunately, continues to divide the country. SEN. MITCH McCONNELL, R-KY: It's an opportunity for the two parties to come together with the President. ... Instead, it was the same tired boilerplate we hear year after year.

They're really hurt! They're hurt! Their feelings are hurt! The President has hurt their feelings! The only problem with their "we just wanna work with him" is that it's total bullshit. It's bullshit. Premium Grade A grass-fed free-range bullshit. (wild audience cheering and applause) Collected and packaged by hand. No, hear me out! It is bullshit collected and packaged by hand from the polished anuses of award-winning Texas longhorns that have been bred for peristaltic perfection so that each individual dookie meets the exacting standards of the American Bullshit Association!

(wild audience cheering and applause)

It is bullshit! Listen to Rand Paul.



SEN. RAND PAUL, R-KY (1/28/2014): You can't just say, my way or the highway. ... That's not the tone of somebody who wants to work with Congress.

Forget about that, during this year's State of the Union, Congressmen from the very welcoming opposition party were tweeting things such as "Kommandant-in-Chief", or "Chef", as he put it...

and a socialistic dictator. They were tweeting "dictates from a king #LawLess".

Forget that Republican Congressman Steve Stockman got up in the middle of the speech and just walked out! I mean, even the guy who shouted "You lie!" sat through the fucking thing! (audience laughter)

And forget that these Republicans have filibustered more than any Congress in the history of our republic, while accomplishing less than any Congress in the history of our republic, while attempting to block more nominees than any other Congress in the history of our republic, defunding initiatives.

Forget all that. Here's all you need to know about these sensitive Republican souls, so hurt by the President's newfound lack of interest in bipartisanship. Before Obama was even inaugurated, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell — the one who was complaining about the boilerplate — gathered the entire Senate Republican Caucus and said, make a public show of wanting to work with the President, but block him at every turn in order to deny him any bipartisan victories, for which Obama will be blamed, because he's the guy who ran on bipartisanship. "Ah-yup." And as Senator Voinovich said, "If [Obama] was for it, we had to be against it." So!



REP. PAUL RYAN, R-WI (1/29/2014): If he gives it sort of the "my way or the highway, and you don't do it I'm going to go around Congress", then we're going to have a big problem.

All right, this notion that Republicans are interested in working with the President is a game that they play. It's a play that they put on for the cameras. But who are they, really, when they think the cameras aren't on? Perhaps Republican Congressman Michael Grimm of Staten Island can clue us in.



1/28/2014: MICHAEL SCOTTO: And just finally before we let you go, since we have you here, we haven't had a chance to kind of talk about some of the.... REP. MICHAEL GRIMM, R-NY: "I'm not speaking about anything that's off-topic, this is only about the president. MICHAEL SCOTTO: Well what about....? REP. MICHAEL GRIMM, R-NY: Thank you. (walks away) MICHAEL SCOTTO: All right, so Congressman Michael Grimm does not want to talk about some of the allegations concerning his campaign finances. We wanted to get him on camera on that, but he, as you saw, refused to talk about that. Back to you. MICHAEL SCOTTO: (to Grimm) What? REP. MICHAEL GRIMM, R-NY: (walking towards Scotto) Let me be clear to you, you ever do that to me again I'll throw you off this fucking balcony.

To be fair, "I will throw you off this fucking balcony" is a relatively standard traditional Staten Island goodbye. (audience laughter and applause) It is in some respects considered — if I may, I've been there quite frequently — it is considered their "Ciao". Or, you know, "Take care, good to see ya, I'll throw ya off a fucking balcony." "Hey, hey, how ya parents doin'? I can't wait to throw them off a fucking balcony!" (audience laughter)

But you know what's almost more upsetting than knowing that Republicans from day one planned to sabotage the administration in every way that they knew how? Or that the guy threatening to hurl a New York 1 reporter off a balcony is not a thug in a Batman film, but someone we elected to Congress? Or that the public persona these folks display is so radically different from how they behave otherwise?

It's that he went after a New York 1 reporter. New York 1! (Jon fans himself) New York 1 is the pulse of our city! From the latest theater openings to the latest subway closings, to them just literally sitting there reading you the paper! They read it to you! Like you're a little baby.

New York 1 is always there for us. It's the channel my cable box reboots to. (audience laughter) So that no matter what I was watching, it says, "Hey, guess who was just murdered in Brooklyn?" (audience laughter) It gives us Weather on the 1s. The 1s! Not the 2s! Because the 2s is for suckers, for losers, for fucking Philadelphia, that's who it's for! (wild audience cheering) It's the 1s!

So before you throw that reporter off a balcony, Congressman, just know that once we hear about it from New York 1's The Balcony Murder Report, we're coming after you. Because if it wasn't for the greatness of New York 1, we could've canceled our Time Warner subscriptions a long time ago. (audience laughter) We'll be right back.