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Now, THAT'S how loud this damn vacuum is.

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Giving away absolutely free of charge, with no lien, mortgage, or other encumbrance of any sort,the undisputed world-record holder in the "loudest vacuum cleaner on the face of the Earth" category!Act now to take advantage of this truly unique opportunity! "Wow" your friends with this incredible Hoover!To accurately describe this fine piece of machinery, I will need to be rather wordy, so please bear withme on this matter. Imagine you are on the runway at D/FW airport, right in front of one of the jet exhaust deflectors.A Boeing 747-400 has just taxied on to the runway about 8 feet in front of you, and holds there, awaiting clearance for takeoff.After a few short moments, clearance is given. The pilot keeps the brakes firmly applied as the co-pilotgently places his hand on the throttles, then, in an instant, violently shoves all four of them forwardto maximum thrust; right up against the stops.The ensuing cacophony resulting from the dissonance between the screaming whine of the turbinesspinning at ten bazillion RPM and the 65,000 MPH blast of air and choking exhaust blasting you intothe cold, sooty metal of the deflector is utterly deafening.Just as the pilot of the 747 releases the wheel brakes, and the silvery, tubular behemoth commences itstrip toward the other end of the runway and into the wild, blue yonder, air traffic control realizes theyhave made a deadly mistake; they had previously cleared an Airbus A380, the largest plane in theworld, to land on the same runway, in the opposite direction! Frantically, they radio the two planes in avain attempt to prevent the impending disaster, but to no avail. The planes meet nose-to-nose in a gutwrenching, mind-numbing collision. Add that noise to the already earsplitting din that was beingemitted by the first plane.While all of this is happening, the air traffic control supervisor has notified the airport's fire departmentand they have rolled to the scene just as this tragedy takes place. Their sirens are blaring as they pullup, only adding additional decibels to the already unbearable level of noise you are experiencing. Youreardrums feel like red hot razor blades fired from a 12 gauge shotgun careening around inside yourcranium. You honestly wish a 2-ton piece of the shrapnel flying from the ruins could just catapult yourway and sever your head, putting you out of your misery once and for all. It never happens; you survivethis, the most miserable moment of your entire life, surrounded by carnage, the noise level absolutelyunbearable, with blood now flowing profusely from what used to be your ears.Take the entire scene and insert it into the humungous wind tunnel at the Chrysler factory. Run thewind tunnel up to about 350 MPH. Take the noise you are now being subjected to, and triple it.I've had people tell me I'm wrong, that this thing is much worse than I've described, and I'm beinggentle just to be able to unload it on some poor, disadvantaged housewife in an act of masochism,thinly veiled as generous, selfless philanthtopy.I expect the competition for this beauty to be fierce, but if you want it, just email me and I'll set it outon the curb for you. If you need help finding the place after I give you the address, just let me know. I'llturn the lovely contraption on and you can follow the roar. Don't worry, it'll drown out the highwaysounds from the semis, and the traffic choppers overhead and you'll have no problem getting here,even if you're just pulling out of your drivewayDon't get me wrong, it does what it's supposed to do; it cleans the floor.I'm just tired of cleaning the blood from the walls that sprays out of my ears when I use this little gem.