So the thing I keep hearing is that Samus’s new Zero Suit design from SSB4 is okay because “they’re not actually high heels, they’re jet boots.”

Bullshit.

But before we get into that: why is it a big deal that Samus is wearing heels in the first place?

High-heeled shoes, like giant codpieces or a male peacock’s feathers, are an example of Sexual Selection Stimuli. To put it simply: there are certain visual cues that appear as sexy to animals, including human beings.

One of those visual cues is Lordosis Behavior. Think of Lordosis Behavior as the arching of the female’s back during the act of sex: it’s an unconscious action that indicates that the female is ready to mate. You see this when a female cat in heat presents itself for mating, and in the arched back of a woman on the edge of orgasm.

High-heeled shoes force the woman’s back to arch past the normal limits of the upright human spine, thus increasing the curvature of the back and mimicking Lordosis Behavior.

And I don’t buy the idea that they’re “jet boots” so high heels are okay.

These are jet boots.

These are high heeled slippers. There are no distinct air intakes or exhausts. The only reason why we know they’re jet boots at all are the magical exhaust plumes that appear when they’re activated. Hell, they’re even highlighted in an ugly bright yellow-green to draw attention to the fact that Samus is wearing high heels now.

EDIT: Upon reflection, I realized that Samus’ yellow “boots” may be intended to mirror the color of her energy whip, and it may not be explicitly intended to draw attention to her high heels. They’re still ugly.

The question might now be: is this a bad thing? After all, Samus has always been sexy, right? Justin Bailey and all that.

And it’s true. There has been a long tradition, dating back to the first game, of players being “rewarded” for good gameplay by getting a glimpse of Samus outside her power suit, wearing some sort of skimpy attire.

Do you notice something about these sprites, though?

Aside from the first sprite, (which was limited by the technology available on the original NES), Samus’s design in these sprites appears powerful. Broad shoulders. Defined musculature, especially around the upper arms. Long legs, yes, but narrow waist and hips. Basically, she looks like an athlete. And her traditional pose has generally been direct and assertive. She stands straight on, looking at the viewer, one hand on her hip.

Now take a look at the way she’s portrayed in her Zero Suit in recent titles:

Softer curves. More emphasis on the hips and breasts. Her poses have changed from direct and assertive to more coquettish and teasing. We even get some examples of Escher-Girls style “spine twist.”

What changed? You can blame the increasing sexualization of female video game characters, but that’s a trend that’s been going on for a long time. You can blame Team Ninja, but they were just riding a trend that had already begin.

I blame the Zero Suit.

I’ve heard it said that the Zero Suit is better than Samus’s old two-pieces because it has better coverage. That might be the case in terms of bare skin, but the Zero Suit is problematic in other ways.

First of all, the suit itself is often drawn as fitting ridiculously tightly, to the point where it may as well count as body paint. This basically codes Samus as effectively nude when in her Zero Suit, which pretty much rebuts the argument that it has “more coverage.”

Don’t believe me? Take a look at the… posterior. Compare how tightly the old two-piece undergarment hugs Samus’s rear, as compared to how she is rendered when in her Zero Suit. Which of those two garments really shows off more of her body?

But the second problem is the way the Zero Suit has been treated. It’s being treated as combat gear when it was never intended to be such.

Samus’s old two-pieces were explicitly casual wear. As in: these are the clothes that Samus wears when she feels safe, outside of battle. She doesn’t fight in these clothes (barring the old Justin Bailey code from the original NES game, which was more of a fanservice cheat). She lounges around in them. Hangs out. Sits by windows and relaxes after the mission is over.

The problem with the Zero Suit isn’t whether it is more or less sexy than Samus’s two-piece underwear. The problem is that this impractical garment is being treated as combat wear and explained away as such. And before you bring up Solid Snake’s Sneaking Suit and the way it lovingly and tightly hugs his manly buttocks: the Sneaking Suit is also fucking impractical. The reason why it exists is because Hideo Kojima has an admitted fascination with peoples’ rear ends. The Sneaking Suit is literally intended as fanservice. It is not a good counter-example.

The irony of it is that the very game in which the Zero Suit was introduced defied the trope that it has come to represent. If you’ve ever played Metroid Zero Mission, there is a section of the game in which Samus wears her Zero Suit. But it’s not by choice, and it’s the portion of the game in which she is most vulnerable. She doesn’t have access to her powered suit, or its lethal weaponry. She is forced to sneak and stealth her way through the level, utilizing only a stunner pistol. Metroid Zero Mission itself acknowledged that the Zero Suit is not practical combat wear and should not be treated as such.

Let me make something clear: I love the Zero Suit. I think it’s a great design. I like seeing cosplayers wear it. I like seeing fanart of it. But if you are going to make Samus fight wearing the Zero Suit, at least be honest about why you are doing it. Samus’s Zero Suit, her jet boots, and her laser whip, and her impractical long blonde hair all serve one purpose: to make her look sexy and attractive.

Quit trying to deflect the argument away from the real issue by coy misdirection.