The INFJ personality type can be quirky, complicated, and sometimes downright contradictory. How do you know if you’re an INFJ, the rarest of the 16 Myers-Briggs personality types? If you relate to most of these 21 signs, the answer just might be yes.

Signs You’re an INFJ

1. From a young age, you felt different from the people around you.

Even if you had plenty of friends, you never felt like you truly fit in. Sometimes you faked being more like them so they would accept you. This is normal for an INFJ, because we need a sense of community and harmony with those around us.

2. You want to know what’s REALLY going on in people’s lives…

…not just trivial stuff like what they did this weekend or what they bought on their latest shopping trip. You want to dig deep and get at the things that no one else sees. What does the person in front of you really think? How does this person really feel? The fake facade they put up for other people doesn’t fool you.

3. Plans?

You feel more comfortable having a loose plan for things than you do completely winging it.

4. You’re social, but…

You can be both incredibly shy, quiet, and withdrawn, as well as charming, fun, and hilarious. For an INFJ, it’s all about the situation, your mood, and energy levels — and most important, the people you’re with.

5. How you handle problems

When someone comes to you with a problem, you usually don’t give them advice or your opinion unless they ask. Instead, you ask them questions to help them better understand the situation and their own feelings about it. Sometimes you tell a story of a time when something similar happened to you, in the hope that they’ll draw their own lesson. You feel like you can usually see the path they should take, but you don’t want them to do it just because you told them to — you want it to be their decision. (This is why INFJs are often considered natural advice-givers and counsellors.)

6. There are limits to your introversion

You are an introvert and you like alone time, but you can’t be alone for too long. Eventually you need to reunite with your people. “Your people” are a handful of good friends who truly get you. Deep conversations with these people are priceless, and hanging out with them can actually boost your energy.

7. The door slam

You’ve been known to suddenly cut people out of your life when they’ve hurt you one too many times. It’s not that you enjoy cutting people out, rather, you do this simply to protect yourself. Even though you may look like you have it together on the outside, you’re extremely sensitive inwardly, and you’re especially sensitive to other people’s words and actions.

8. You can be a people-pleaser

Sometimes you try so hard to make other people happy that you forget to make yourself happy. (This is likely one of the biggest problems you’ll struggle to overcome.)

9. Empathy

You often feel like you see precisely what someone else is feeling, and you believe you know what they need deep down. You’re not always right, but you tend to be more perceptive than most.

10. You have a destiny

You feel like you’re destined for so much more than just dragging yourself to your 9-5 job to pay the bills. You want to help people and change the world — not just get a paycheck. The problem is you either don’t know what your “glorious purpose” is, or you have an inkling, but you don’t know how to achieve it.

11. Always striving

You almost always have this sinking feeling like you could be doing better with your life. This results in you constantly have secret self-improvement projects going on, like learning how to cook healthy meals, setting better boundaries, or getting better at articulating yourself. Sometimes you push yourself too hard as you attempt to achieve your “perfect” life.

12. Your defense mechanism

Sometimes you turn to people-pleasing to protect yourself. You’re sensitive, so you can get really bothered when someone criticizes you or is disappointed in you. They can’t criticize you if you make them happy.

13. You sense things

You often immediately sense the mood of a room when you walk into it. Likewise, you often absorb the feelings of the people around you. If they’re excited, you get excited. If they’re anxious, you get anxious, too. You tend to gravitate toward calm, centered people so you don’t have to deal with as much emotional garbage.

14. Nothing but class

You’re drawn to high-quality things, like good food, nice clothes, and anything else that has good craftsmanship. As much as you hate to admit it, the way things look is important to you. You like being surrounded by beauty, and you tend to have sophisticated, refined tastes. But you’re a minimalist at heart. You’d rather have one or two really nice shirts than ten mediocre ones.

15. Your secret feelings

You care deeply about the people in your life, but they’ll probably never know just how much you care, because you keep your feelings mostly to yourself. You can have trouble articulating your emotions, even though you feel them intensely. (And when our personality type falls in love with someone, we fall hard.)

16. You care… a lot

You’re usually thoughtful, conscientious, and considerate. Other people who are not as conscientious can seem callous and even cruel.

17. Books, please!

You love learning, especially when it comes to psychology, self-improvement, spirituality, and certain sciences.

18. Your head is way beyond the clouds

When everyone else is gossiping, discussing celebs, or talking about other trivial things, you often find yourself thinking about outer space, time travel, human nature, the meaning of life, and other more epic topics. You rarely try to steer the conversation in that direction, though, because you don’t think other people will be interested.

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19. You never stop striving

You feel compelled to get things done. You often write to-do lists, and you enjoy checking things off them. If you don’t have a goal to work toward, after a while, you feel lost and bored.

20. You do six impossible things before breakfast

When you’re passionate about something, it feels like nothing can stand in your way. The INFJ motto is, “The impossible takes just a little bit longer.”

21. You didn’t ask to be like this

Other people see you as wise, insightful, and almost spiritual. They often come to you for advice and emotional support. You relish your role as the “wise one,” and you like being needed. But sometimes it becomes too much. You’re an introvert, for crying out loud, and sometimes you just wish everyone would solve their own problems and leave you alone for a while.

Are You an INFJ?

Some of these signs are things a lot of people will identify with, and every INFJ is going to be a little different. If you can relate to most of them, however, chances are good that you’re an INFJ. Want to be sure? There’s an easy way to find out: Take this free personality assessment from Personality Hacker and see your personality type in minutes.

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