From the Confederates: “An appeal to Jonathan Harrolson”

John Harrelson, John Harrelson, you are a wretched creature,

You’ve added to this war a new and awful feature,

You’d have us think while every man is bound to be a fighter,

The ladies, bless their pretty dears, should save their p** for nitre,

John Harrelson, John Harrelson, where did you get this notion,

To send your barrel around the town to gather up this lotion,

We thought the girls had work enough in making shirts and kissing,

But you have put the pretty dears to patriotic pissing,

John Harrelson, John Harrelson, do pray invent a neater

And somewhat less immodest mode of making your saltpeter,

For “tis an awful idea, John, gunpowdery and cranky,

That when a lady lifts her skirt, she’s killing off a Yankee.

They say there is a subtle smell

That lingers in the powder;

That when the smoke grows thicker,

And the din of the battle louder

That there is found to this compound

One serious objection;

A soldier can not sniff it

Without having an erection.

From the Union

John Harrelson, John Harrelson, we’ve read in song and story

How a women’s tears through all the years have moistened fields of glory,

But never was it told before, how, ‘mid such scenes of slaughter,

Your Southern beauties dried their tears and went to making water,

No wonder that your boys are brave, who couldn’t be a fighter,

If every time he shot a gun he used his sweethearts nitre ?

And, vice-versa, what could make a Yankee soldier sadder,

Than dodging bullets fired by a pretty woman’s bladder.

Sources: Wikipedia; http://1858remington.com; YouTube