Release that Oxytocin

The Hidden Aspects

You’re an amazingly resourceful and self-driven being who has chosen the life of the private companion for the freedoms it allows you. Answering your own phones, scheduling appointments, juggling your accounts and being an all-around sole trading ninja! But there are days when you crave human interaction; ironic for someone who’s vocation involves the most intimate of human interactions, however, this connection can’t be filled by a client. Sometimes you just want to be around someone who understands you, however, it often isn’t even those closest to you. Friends and family, as supportive as they may be, don’t have the insight into your world that you need at that moment, they can’t relate as easily, and it may feel impossible to have a blunt conversation or whine about certain aspects of the job.

The Loss of Oxytocin

“You’re going to get lonely” – never was there a truer piece of advice for an independent escort, although at the time this statement was said to me, I’m sure I just brushed over it.

Until one day it hit me; well maybe that’s a bit of a lie. As it was more like it crept up on me. I had had many a day when I was alone and felt like no one would want to talk to me, they’d heard my stories before or had their own issues to worry about, but I was able to keep busy and forget about it. I was in a bustling city, surrounded by people, my social media notifications never ceased with new conversations or the latest news, and I was but a phone call away from multiple friends, and yet I felt – isolated.

You’re going to get lonely

That’s when I came across the following; Loneliness, Isolation and Boredom are Choices by Lola Davina, almost as though the universe had enlightened me the moment I needed it. While I didn’t read the blog attached to Lola’s profound statement, this image was all I needed that day.

Lola Davina – Blog Post: 23 Things I Wish I Knew – #18 https://twitter.com/Lola_Davina/status/859589608471920642

Being alone was a choice. Telling myself “Oh I won’t contact my friends as they’re probably busy” is the exact opposite of what I needed. Being in a different city without any friends near is just another excuse! Why not contact someone new? Another working lady, who really, is probably in the same boat as you, or has been there themselves.

It is amazing what a simple cup of coffee with a complete stranger can achieve. One minute you are in your pyjamas telling yourself its okay to stay in your warm, cosy bed and continue to watch Netflix. The world will go on without you. Why bother getting up? A few hours later, you’re refreshed and wondering why you didn’t get up sooner! Feel that Oxytocin!

What’s the worst that could happen?

Why not book a coffee date with a fellow Sex Worker? Who understands your mindset better than a person who’s experiencing it for themselves? It’s like catching up with an old friend, yet there’s that rush of meeting someone for the first time, the new and the familiar wound up in one package. It’s often easier to talk with someone you don’t know, they don’t know your past and therefore are less likely to pass judgement, they offer new perspectives, a different mix of conversation, boost confidence and quite possibly may be better listeners. Mix this with the fact they also understand the stigma and alienation associated with being a prostitute/escort/hooker/whore or however you identify, and you have the perfect coffee buddy. Unless of course, they don’t like coffee?

So reach out to your fellow sex worker, don’t get hung up on the what ifs – “what if they don’t want to”, “what if I am taking time away from their work”. The worse that’s going to happen is a “no”, so take a chance. Contact that escort in your town, or the one travelling through, or arrange a date for when you’re somewhere new! Organise a gathering through social media, or private channels. There’s a high possibility that others are seeking new connections as well.

The best part of all, is that release of Oxytocin, during that shared hug between two strangers, perhaps even new found friends, who understand each other.