One thing the fundies seem to be great at, in addition to prayin’ and havin’ stupid haircuts, is makin’ money. Kirk Cameron’s Fireproof cost half a million to make and went on to gross $33 million. Courageous, from the same church-run studio, Sherwood Pictures, made $34 million on a $2 million budget. Having a church/movie studio is like a license to print money that you don’t have to pay taxes on.

Well move over, Sherwood Pictures, Tyler Perry, and those dudes who made the movie about the one-armed surfer chick, because former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum is getting into the church-approved movie game. And if his attempts to run for president have proven anything, it’s that he’s nothing if not a poor-to-mediocre entertainer. The man can light up a crowd like the dentist’s office waiting room television.

DALLAS – June 24, 2013 – Rick Santorum, former U.S. senator and GOP presidential candidate, is now CEO of EchoLight Studios, the first movie company to produce, finance, market and distribute faith-based, family films across all releasing platforms. Santorum announced his new venture Saturday, June 22, on FNC’s “The Huckabee Show.”

EchoLight’s upcoming first theatrical, THE REDEMPTION OF HENRY MYERS, is slated for a fall 2013 release. Meanwhile, EchoLight’s second theatrical is in post-production, a film based on the inspiring story of Illinois basketball player Eric “Hoovey” Elliott, starring Patrick Warburton and Lauren Holly, and directed by SOUL SURFER’s Sean McNamara, to release in 2014. “This is the right place and right time, and I’ve jumped in with both feet,” Santorum said, having spent the past year helping EchoLight develop and grow. “I often say that culture is upstream from politics, and I know entertainment also can be strength and light for people who want to be uplifted and reinforced in their values.” [ReligiousNews via CinemaBlend]

I can’t imagine they won’t make money. You take a big captive audience who are already prepared to be sort of bored for a few hours every week and herd them towards another place with comfy seats and the vague promise that they’ll be doing something God-pleasing, and the checks practically write themselves. Which is good, because I bet ol Dicky Santor’s daughter could use another puffy-sleeve shirt and a dolly wearing a miniature version of her outfit. God, isn’t that the best picture? I can’t get over it. What a family of perfect, perfect c*nts. I don’t say that as a knock on Christians or Republicans either, as I have many friends in both camps. But look at the Santorum family and tell me that they’re not the reason the word c*nt was invented. They’re so white they could make James Brown forget how to dance.

(Just to clarify, Patrick Warburton still rules.)

[Photo: Jeff Swenson, Getty]