***SEE NOTE AT BOTTOM***

With the first real snowfall of the season hitting Vermont this week, The Winooski wants to give all the flatlanders (and anyone who drives like a flatlander) some safety tips for traveling in wintry conditions:

On snow and ice vehicles respond best to quick, jerky steering wheel, brake, and accelerator movements. Floor it! Hold the steering wheel with one hand at 12 o’clock, also known as the “one hand lean”, so you can warm up your other hand on the defroster. Dense, cold air makes your car more efficient. Don’t be too concerned about filling up at the pump before a backcountry trip. You can make it! You don’t actually need to carry survival supplies to sustain you until help arrives. That’s an urban myth. Snowing? High beams on for safety! Stop before reaching the top of a snowy hill to make sure your brakes work. Travelling immediately after snowfall is the best time to travel. There aren’t any other cars on the road! Snow tires are a conspiracy theory invented by rubber companies to sell you unnecessary products. If unsure of road conditions use Route 108, or “The Notch”, whenever possible.

Have tips of your own? Comment on the post!

***Please don’t actually do any of these things. In fact, do the opposite of everything we just said. We don’t want to die.