On the one hand, there is the remembering of the trauma, be it acute or cumulative and on the other hand.. there is the terrible feeling of remorse ... that the trauma contributed to a "life unlived." One of my favorite therapists used to say, "An unexamined life is not worth living, but an unlived life is not worth examining." A corollary of this argument would be that an unlived life is not worth living, and here we arrive at the element of deep despair in the feeling of remorse. "I have not lived." Add to this the feeling of existential guilt, "I have committed the crime of not living," and a feeling of despair, "and I shall never live." Clients and therapist alike wish to avoid painful feelings like these. Therapists may feel like they are causing unnecessary pain to clients and thus not uncover feelings of remorse, or even try to talk the client out of their remorse with hopeful and uplifting comments. If this is done the client is left alone with their remorse and with the self-hatred and despair that are part of it.



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.. Perhaps the patterns of self-defeating behavior or depression and despair persist. Perhaps both the client and the therapist see the client as resisting or as a chronic case...a “help-rejecting complainer” and no forward movement occurs. My belief is that only by opening up the complex of the feeling of remorse can forward movement be made. Clive Hazell, PhD ... The Experience of Emptiness image from book : I Will Not Die an Unlived Life:

Reclaiming Purpose and Passion - by Dawna Markova