This week, in the U.S. District Court of Eastern Missouri, Gregory McKenna filed a lengthy lawsuit against Apple, the St. Louis Police Department, the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the Department of Justice, an auto repair shop, and others. The suit claims that they are all part of an elaborate conspiracy designed to control and ruin his life through death threats and wire taps.

Confused yet? We were as well, so we read through the court document to piece together this story. Here's what the lawsuit alleges:

The Lawsuit

The story goes like this: Gregory McKenna worked for a modeling agency that was actually a front for the Italian Mafia (this is around 2000). He quit, moved to St. Louis, Missori, where he was threatened with extortion and murder:

"The alleged motive for the threats was to extort Plaintiff as a fashion model working for a modeling agency in New York City called Bossmodels. After receiving the threats, Plaintiff proceeded to call Defendant the STLPD to file a complaint the following morning."

The St. Louis Police Department (STLPD) refused to arrest the alleged mafia members:

"Despite being held at gunpoint and receiving threats of imminent death from the Mafia members, the STLPD officers wrongfully refused to arrest the perpetrators and left the scene of the crime. As a direct and proximate result of Defendant the STLPD’s malicious neglect, the 3 male Mafia members were allowed to stalk, make extortion threats, attempt rape, and kidnap Plaintiff."

When the STLPD didn't step in, McKenna called the FBI. They allegedly said it was an STLPD issue:

"When the FBI was contacted, Defendant UNKNOWN FBI AGENT proceeded to wrongfully state to Plaintiff and his parents that the Mafia stalking, extortion threats, rape attempts, and kidnapping were an STLPD issue. As a direct and proximate result of Defendant UNKNOWN FBI AGENT’s intentional neglect, the Mafia members at Plaintiff’s residence were allowed to stalk, threaten, attempt rape, and kidnap Plaintiff"

In 2006, when the FBI didn't get involved, he hired a private investigation firm to sweep his home for bugs in case, since he was convinced the Mafia was listening in to everything he was saying. He claims that the firm told him that they found illegal listening devices, but lied to the STLPD about finding them:

"When Defendant BONINE was contacted by Defendant BOSCHERT, BONINE proceeded to wrongfully state that Plaintiff’s residence and vehicle were not bugged with illegal communication devices. BONINE’s malicious statements were made in contravention to his bug sweep results and probable cause."

Mr. McKenna then claims that his Audi a4 Quattro vehicle was bugged, and that an auto repair shop was part of the conspiracy against him. The final screw in this lawsuit though, is an iPod shuffle he purchased on eBay AND an iPod Mini he purchased at an Apple store had illegal receivers so that the Mafia could send audible death threats to him:

Plaintiff obtained additional evidence of Defendant APPLE INC. manufacturing, distributing and selling illegally bugged iPods and other electronic equipment when on or around January 25, 2008 Plaintiff recorded Mafia members generating death threats to his iPod Mini. The threats stated, “I’m about to kill him,” in unison with a song. The recordings of death threats and other evidence prove that APPLE INC. conspired with the Mafia and other Defendants to manufacture, distribute, and sell illegally bugged iPods and other electronic equipment to Plaintiff to perpetuate the stalking, extortion, and torture.

And thus, Gregory McKenna has sued the whole lot and is seeking $14.3 million in damages.

Really, What Can We Say?

You're welcome to read the entire lawsuit if you'd like, but really, there's not much to say about this very unique lawsuit.

People are already starting to poke holes in the logic of the lawsuit (we're pretty sure that some Apple enthusiast would have found an illegal receiver from the Italian Mafia by now), but in the end, it will be up to the courts to decide the validity of Mr. McKenna's case. The story could almost be a movie, albeit a bad B-rated one.