Origin of the Novel Species Noodleous doubleous: Evidence for Intelligent Design Thomas D. Schneider, Ph.D.

Frederick, MD

Abstract

Penne Rigate will spontaneously insert itself into Rigatoni (order pasta) under liquid to gas transition conditions of H 2 O to create the previously unobserved species Noodleous doubleous. The estimated probability of this spontaneous generation event is too low to be explained by thermodynamics and therefore apparently represents intelligent design.

Introduction

It has been claimed by Intelligent Design advocates* that patterns observed in nature with a sufficiently low probability provide direct evidence for intelligent design, i.e., God. Here I report evidence for the spontaneous formation of a new life form in a prebiotic pasta soup.

Materials and Methods



Figure 1: dry pasta.

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Results



Figure 2: sample of pasta freshly captured from its native environment (background froth).

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Figure 3: captured population sample.

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Figure 4: Components of Noodleous doubleous. From left to right: dry Penne Rigate; dry Rigatoni; example Penne Rigate sampled at 18 minutes; example Rigatoni sampled at 18 minutes; example Penne Rigate inserted into Rigatoni to create N. doubleous sampled at 18 minutes.

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Figure 5: Dissection of Noodleous doubleous.

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Figure 6: Bubble plumes observed in environment detached from heat source. Three bubble patches can be observed emerging from the dorsal end of Rigatoni tubes.

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Figure 7: N. doubleous observed in heat-source detached environment.

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A calculation was performed to determine the probability of the observed insertion events ( Table 1).

Table 1: IDiotic calculation* Rigatoni length (cm): 5.3 Rigatoni outer diameter (cm, from Figure 4): 1.7 Rigatoni cylinder surface (length * outer diameter * π), cm2: 28.3 Rigatoni cylinder ends ((outer diameter/2)2 * π * 2), cm2: 4.5 Rigatoni total surface (surface + ends), cm2: 32.8 Based on the estimated clearance of insertion, 0.15 cm,

using the clearance as the radius of a circle

into which the insertion must be made,

the target for insertion from either end is (2 * π * clearance2), cm2: 0.035 Actually the target is much bigger because the tip of the

Penne Rigate is pointy. It is better to use the inner diameter less the

Penne Rigate tip, which is roughly 0.3 cm ( Figure 4).

So compute: (2 * π * (inner diameter - tip)2), cm2: 1.571 Probability of one insertion during a random encounter

is the target area divided by the Rigatoni total surface: 4.78x10-02 Fraction of observed insertions ( Figure 2): 0.6 Number of available Rigatoni: 40 Estimated total number of insertions (40 * 0.6): 24 Probability of all these insertions by random encounter: 2.05x10-32 *This calculation was performed according to standard Intelligent Design (IDiotic) methods.

It was performed using the calc program with input idiotic.calc.

Discussion

This paper reports an observation of spontanoodlus generation in which Penne Rigate inserts within Rigatoni to create a new species dubbed Noodleous doubleous.

The Vertical Flow Hypothesis proposes that Rigatoni become vertically oriented in the convective flow of phase transitioning liquid H 2 O, thereby increasing the heat dissipation rate. This proposal is supported by the observation of bubble plumes on the dorsal side of Rigatoni ( Figure 6). It is feasible that horizontally oriented Penne Rigate that are close to the bottom of the environment are drawn upward into the ventral side of Rigatoni. The Penne Rigate are not fully ejected through the Rigatoni because the dorsal end of the Rigatoni is close to the liquid surface and the process does not have enough energy to lift the Penne Rigate into the environmental froth. The Penne Rigate would therefore be caught inside the Rigatoni.

However, the probability of an insertion event as proposed by the Vertical Flow Hypothesis is calculated to be extremely low ( Table 1), so we are forced to conclude that the process was guided by some form of external intelligence. The experimenter was not responsible for this scalding task. The high temperature liquid was undergoing a rapid phase transition and liquid Dihydrogen Monoxide is extremely dangerous. Given these extreme sterilizing conditions, no known life forms could have survived immersion. We therefore conclude that this supernatural insertion process was done by the Hand of God.

Conclusion

Although it is considered unethical to destroy incipient life-forms, thereby causing them to go extinct, the experimenter was hungry, so he ate them anyway.

Notes added in proof

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A viable hypothesis is that a divine Noodly Appendage of the Flying Spaghetti Monster was responsible for the effect. These results are therefore strong empirical in support of Flying Spaghetti Monsterism.

References

* Intelligent Design is Involved in the Origin of The Species.