This Is Us star Chrissy Metz is known for her portrayal of Kate, a woman whose struggles with her weight have become the focus of her life. On This Is Us, viewers have seen Kate as a chubby child and as a plump teen, sometimes seeking to diet but always feeling like a failure on the scale. In real life, however, Chrissy Metz has experienced even more drama when it comes to her weight, which she reveals in her memoir, This Is Me, reported People.

Now 37, Chrissy recalls her early years, revealing that she suffered emotionally and physically because of her stepfather. When Metz was just 8-years-old, her dad left. Chrissy’s mother, Denise, raised Chrissy, her sister Monica, and her brother Philip alone. Denise subsequently had a baby, Morgana, with a boyfriend who left as well. Metz’s mom then met the man who would become Chrissy’s stepfather, who she referred to as Trigger.

Chrissy Metz Turned To Food For Happiness

Denise became pregnant again, and Metz reveals in her book that her stepfather loved his biological kids, was kind to little Morgana, but not as kind to Chrissy. Metz recalls her stepfather staring at her, particularly when she ate.

“My body seemed to offend him. He joked about putting a lock on the refrigerator. Food was my only happiness.”

Chrissy explained that her family had been so poor that they lived “with a lack of food” for many years. As a result, when food became available, she felt compelled to “eat it before it disappeared.”

To avoid her stepfather’s staring and comments, Metz started to eat in secret.

'This Is Us' star Chrissy Metz says her struggles as a child and teen were 'one of those things that attempts to break your spirit.' Featured image credit: Jordan Strauss Invision/AP Images

This Is Us Star Recalls Eating Cookies In Secret, Forced Weigh-Ins, And Beatings

To prevent her stepfather from catching her eating fattening foods, Chrissy ate late at night in the bathroom. She described her secret night-eating pattern in her book.

“I’d get up in the middle of the night and eat. I’d sneak food to eat in the bathroom. Cookies, chips. Things I could eat as fast as possible to avoid detection. Things that would give me the brief bliss of numbness.”

Along with recalling eating fattening foods such as cookies and chips alone in the bathroom at night, Metz recalls getting hit by her stepfather. Chrissy says that he never hit her in the face, but Metz accuses him of repeatedly punching her body.

“He shoved me, slapped me, punched my arm,” wrote Chrissy in her book. “He would hit me if he thought I looked at him wrong. I remember being on the kitchen floor after he knocked me over, and I was begging to know what I did. He just shoved me hard with his foot.”

When Metz turned 14-years-old, the weigh-in sessions began. Chrissy describes how Trigger would take the bathroom scale, “clang it hard” on the floor, and yell at her to get on the “damn thing.” Metz says that her stepfather told her that her weight was what she needed to become aware of.

Chrissy Metz Struggled With Emotions About Weight

As a teen, Chrissy weighed 130 to 140 pounds during the weigh-ins. She recalled that her friends weighed approximately 90 pounds and that her stepfather questioned her about her weight, demanding to know why she was “getting fatter.” Now, however, she looks at photos of herself as a teen with a new appreciation.

“I look at pictures of me from that time, and I would be so fine with being that size now. But I thought I was gigantic. By then the beating had escalated. One time he hit me, and I looked right in his face. If I had a gun, I thought, I would shoot you.”

Despite the verbal abuse and beatings, Metz described her struggle with her emotions about her stepfather. Chrissy “really did love him,” she explains. Although Trigger did more for her than her birth father did, she still had moments where she felt angry about his abuse.

“I needed to figure out why this person could do right by me as a provider, but be unable to love me,” explained Chrissy.

Today, however, Metz has a different response when she thinks about her stepfather. Chrissy says that they have a “relationship now” after he apologized about what had happened. She loves him and cares about him.