These days it seems like economists are everywhere — the newspaper, the television, the school system, the bookstore — speaking in their own special brand of jargon, a language I call “economese”. Understanding what they mean is often difficult without formal training, so I’ve put together this helpful guide on the subject.

Economese Standard English

What Americans need most is a good economic education . All too often in politics and on the news you hear people making absurd suggestions, like setting price caps or enforcing a minimum wage . If Americans knew even basic principles of economics , they would quickly reject such absurd notions. What Americans need most is a strong religious upbringing . All too often in politics and on the news you hear people making absurd suggestions, like letting gay people marry or legalizing abortion . If Americans knew even basic teachings of religion , they would quickly reject such absurd notions.

What Americans fail to understand is that the necessities of life — the food they eat, the cars they drive, the clothes they wear — are provided not by government but by the market . The free functioning of the market ensures that everyone receives what they deserve and all the necessities of life are provided for. Markets are maximally efficient , so having government interfere with them can only hurt us, not help. What Americans fail to understand is that the necessities of life — the food they eat, the cars they drive, the clothes they wear — are provided not by people but by God . Following God’s teachings ensures that everyone receives what they deserve and all the necessities of life are provided for. God is omnipotent and omniscient , so having government disobey His teachings can only hurt us, not help.

Indeed, markets are such wondrous things that we must bring them into all spheres of life. Our great government institutions must be privatized and made subject to market discipline. Market forces shall ensure that the result will be even more efficient . Indeed, God is such a wondrous thing that we must bring Him into all spheres of life. Our great government institutions must be faith-based and made subject to His discipline. God’s will shall ensure that the result will be even more effective .

Many people refuse to believe in the market and try to shelter themselves from market forces . College professors receive guaranteed employment for life , public television stations receive government subsidies , and politicians receive donations from people and corporations . Not surprisingly, all three of these groups are hotbeds of anti- market sentiment. Many people refuse to believe in God and try to shelter themselves from His will . College professors work with materialist scientists , public television stations work with atheist organizations , and politicians hobnob with the liberal elite . Not surprisingly, all three of these groups are hotbeds of anti- religious sentiment.

The average person cannot afford such a luxury. They know they are born poor and must work hard and follow the instructions of their boss so that one day they may become rich . It is a long and difficult struggle and not all succeed, but those who do bask in the lifelong glory of wealth . The average person cannot afford such a luxury. They know they are born into sin and must work hard and follow the instructions of their priest so that one day they may become righteous . It is a long and difficult struggle and not all succeed, but those who do bask in the eternal glory of Heaven .