East Earl, PA – Lancaster County’s official home for gluttonous indulgence will soon be available without the bus ride to stinky Amish Country. Starting March 1st, the hungry masses will be able to have the epic portions of delectable home style cooking that made Shady Maple famous delivered right to their door via the popular Facebook page, Lancaster City’s NO RULES Online Sale. Normally the center of commerce for shitty couches, stolen laundry detergent, and discarded pitbull puppies, the NO RULES site is also famous for its fly-by-night, uninspected food preparation and delivery services. Shady Maple is hoping to add some credibility to that page with this new offering.

Director of Facebook Marketing, La’Quaysha Morales-Velez-DeJesus, who incidentally was just hired by Shady Maple after posting the following to the Lancaster City’s NO RULES Online Sale page, “Yo ppl any jobs hiren over minnimmum wage? hmu“, explained the new offering in the following, almost incoherent e-mail to People of Lancaster:

“Yep, we doin platters now 4 9 dollrz you get too poundz ov bufet stuff and a drink! We are takin orders 4 deliver. And since this is NO RULES, that drink can even be Corona or coquito!!!”

In keeping with other food advertisers to the page, the food will be prepared in the kitchen of an apartment on S. Ann St., which was recently the site of a triple-stabbing. For more info, check out: www.facebook.com/groups/lancastercitysnorulesonlinesale/