The Wonder Years: The Diary of Hal Dursley

Highlights from the diary of Hal Dursley – his life in his own words.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Dear reader, this story is conceived as excerpts from an primary-school-aged student's diary. This is not how I, AnneNeville, actually write. Please bear with little Hal Dursley. Children do learn, after all.

22 desember 2015

Dear Dairy,

You are a lowsy birthday present. i hate you and i hate my bday. Just coz its close to xmas means I only get won presant. And just coz i dont spel vary good means father says i haf too rite in this book evry day and hes going to chek it and make me fix it until i get it rite. Its not fare. i dont like to rite and i dont like to reed. I wont do it. Im telling him tonite.

Speling is stoopid. I hate to memorise things.

Hal Dursley

23 December 2015

Dear Diary,

Father says if I dont write in this thing and fix my airers and mark them I wont get any presents for Christmas this year. But I dont care. Theyll probly be just as lousy as this one. Mum put my birthday cake in the freezer last nite. It's NOT fair. I like cake and want to blow out my candels.

Hal Dursley

23 December 2015

Dear Diary (again),

I want my cake and my Christmas presents. I'll write in you if I have too.

Hal Dursley

24 December 2015

Dear Father, I mean DIARY,

IF I HAVE TO.

btw, sinse your reading this, why did you give me such a stoopid name? I can give you a stoopid name to. I can call you Pop like soda pop an see how you like that.

HARRY ANGUS MACGYVER DURSLEY

1 January 2016

Dear Diary,

I've been thinking about what Pop told me. I don't understand. He sad I have to change skools because the one I'm going to isn't vary good. But I like it their. What's wrong with it? He sais I'm not lerning well enuf. But all my frends are their. And they are too nice, no mater what Pop sad.

And whats wrong with not liking to read and write? All we do now is watch tv and play vidio games. No one reads books anymore. There boring.

I do like watching those old episods of MacGyver. I thought it would be boring too, because old things are boring and stuff Pop likes are boring. I refused to watch it for a hole week but now I think it's mostly OK. Pop sais Angus MacGyver is a heroe and he wants me to be more like him.

I think his hair is stupid though.

Anyways, I'm going to a new skool starting this term, weather I like it or not.

Hal Angus MacGyver Dursley

2 January 2016

Dear Diary,

Pop got mad when he read I think stuff he likes is boring. And he said MacGyver's hair was kool back then. But it's not kool now and I told him so. Mum says to always tell the truth. So I do. Even if it does make peaple mad. Mum's nicer than Pop. She doesn't read my diary.

Hal Angus MacGyver Dursley, who'll never have such stupid hair.

10 February 2016

Dear Diary,

I can't help it if I keep mispelling "February." Who'd put a r in such a stupid place?!

Yesturday I got called into the headmasters' office because I kicked the funny looking kid with the wired voice. Now Pop is making me write my spelling words over and over agen. My hand hurts. And I hate maths. So Mum is cheking my maths every night. Maybe she isn't nicer than Pop.

Pop says MacGyver would never kick a kid. I agree. He'd probably use fags and a lazer beem. He's that cool. Anyway, Pop is really mad at me now and says he doesn't want me to go down the wrong path, whatever that means.

He yelled alot.

Hal Angus MacGyver Dursley

11 February 2016

Dear Diary,

This morning Pop told me he was a really mean kid and he doesn't want me to be a really mean kid, too. And he said he was mean to kids because they were difrent. But I didn't kick that kid because he's difrent. I kicked him because he's funny looking and has a skweeky voice.

Pop also says I have to write a lot a lot until I can write a lot as two words instead of one. So here you go:

a lot

a lot

a lot

a lot

a lot

a lot

a lot

a lot

a lot

a lot

a lot

a lot

a lot

a lot a lot a lot a lot!

Bet that was fun to read, huh?

Hal Angus MacGyver Dursley

20 February 2016

Dear Diary,

I was taken to the Headmaster's office again today because I punched that boy again. But I really hate his squeaky voice and I want him to shut up and I won't stop punching him untill he shuts up and stops hurting my ears.

Mum says that a few years ago a boy who was [maid] made fun of in school became really famis because of his "high-piched" voice and because he could sing really well. She asked me how I'd feel if this boy became famis and said bad things about me at the emmies. I don't think this kid will ever win an emmie, so I don't care.

Hal Angus MacGyver Dursley

4 March 2016

Dear Diary,

Some other kids in class saw my name on my essay and they're making fun of me. They don't believe me when I say that Angus MacGyver is cool. I don't like it when people make fun of my name. I'm not going to write it on my essays any more.

And I promise I won't kick Erik any more ether, Pop. But I still don't think he'll get famous and win an Emmy.

Hal Dursley

23 March 2016

Dear Diary,

Pop and me watch TV every night after he checks my diary. I like that. It makes writing in it not so bad.

I like the stuff that MacGyver does. It's like magic. I think he's smarter than me. I want to be smart like him. He was a sientist. Maybe Pop is right and I need to read and spell and learn maths. I'm going to study harder.

Also, I won't let anyone else kick Erik anymore, either. He doesn't like it and I'm bigger than the other kids anyway. I can make them stop if I want to.

Hal Dursley

7 April 2016

Dear Diary,

Mum practically fell over when I asked to go by the [librarey] library.

She practically fell over again when she saw how many books I got out.

Hal Dursley

PS. Mum's dictionary really helps. It's nicer when Pop doesn't point out everything I got wrong.

13 June 2016

Dear Diary,

Why does it seem like my parents are always mad at me? First it was Pop. Now it's Mum.

You see, I've had this friend in our neighborhood for years, but she's a girl. I've recently realised that girls are gross, so I told Anna that we can't hang out anymore. She ran home crying and her mum rung up my mum and told her about what happened.

Mum says that what I did was "reprehensible" and that in a few years I'm going to think girls are wonderful. She also says that I shouldn't throw away a friendship that I've had since I was five just because the other boys say girls have cooties.

I felt bad when Anna cried. I should say I'm sorry.

Hal Dursley

14 June 2016

Dear Diary,

I said I'm sorry, but Anna is still upset.

Pop didn't find out what I said to her until he read my diary last night and now he's being very quiet. But he's not as angry as Mum. She says some of her best friends kicked her out of their click—wait a minute, I need to ask how to spell that right. I don't think it's click like a door.

Oh, OK, "clique." So, Mum's friends said she couldn't be in their clique anymore and she's never forgotten it. It hurt her feelings.

I never thought about Mum and Pop being my age before. From what Pop's been saying, he still feels sorry about how he treated his cousin Harry. I guess that's where I got my first name. Anyway, he said he was bad to Harry and then Harry saved his life. He says I can never know who will become a hero someday. I guess Harry was a hero, just like MacGyver.

I want to be a hero, too.

Hal Dursley

31 August 2016

Dear Diary,

School starts tomorrow. I'm looking forward to going back. I actually missed Erik this summer. I should have rung him up to play. It was a good thing that I stopped the other boys from beating him up. Looking back, he was a lot more fun to talk to and he has a better imagination. And the reason he's so small is he skipped a grade, so he's super-smart.

He told me to read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe by C. S. Lewis this summer. I liked it, and it was much easier to read than I expected. I liked it even better than most of the TV shows I watch. I liked how Lucy found a magic world in the back of a warrobe. I wish there was magic, but everyone says it isn't real.

Anyway, I couldn't believe that Edmund would betray his friends for some stupid sweets. I thought they must be really, really yummy since he ate so much of it, so I asked Pop for some. It was dizgusting.

The White Witch should buy better sweets. And Edmund shouldn't eat so many, because he'll get fat.

Hal Dursley

PS. Magical world, wardrobe, disgusting. See, Pop, I found them all by myself.

1 September 2016

Dear Diary,

Pop was so proud that I found my own misstakes that he told me to read the beginning of my diary. I sounded like a total duffer then. I guess he was right to make me write more. And he was right to make me change schools. This one is much better. I was actually glad to start the new term today.

Hal Dursley

PS. Mistakes.

16 September 2016

Dear Diary,

Today, Erik accused me of being obsessed with a TV character. I'm not. I just think he's a good role model. Everyone needs a good role model. Or else they might decide to eat the White Witch's Turkish Delight.

Hal Dursley

2 Oktober 2016

Dear Father,

I know you're reading this, so I want to say I shouldn't have started calling you "Pop" just because I was angry about this diary and my weird name. I'll call you Father or Dad from now on, I promise.

Hal Dursley

SCRIBBLED BELOW:

Dear Hal,

I like when you call me "Pop," even if it does make me sound like a fizzy drink. It's special. Anyway, son, "Pop" is far from the worst thing I've been called. Maybe I'll tell you some of my old nicknames someday, when you need a good laugh.

Love,

Your Pop

PS. It's a "c" not a "k" in October.

12 October 2016

Dear Diary,

Nobody is going to tell me who to be friends with anymore. NOBODY. And Mum and Pop don't have to tell me anymore, either, because I can see who the real gits are. They are just like I used to be.

I'm too angry to write about what happened to Erik today, but I swear that I'm going to stick by him from now on so no one can hurt him again. Even if I have to blow things up with a paperclip and some chewing gum.

I'm also going to stick by some of the other kids who don't have any friends. Maybe they don't have friends because they aren't gits, and everyone else is.

HARRY ANGUS MACGYVER DURSLEY

27 November 2016

Dear Diary,

I think I'm actually getting smarter. I told Mum that, but she said I was always smart, I just never worked hard. However, I didn't work hard on my last essay and I got a high mark. I just read the book and wrote what I thought about it. Mrs. Jones seemed impressed.

Hal Dursley

22 December 2016

Dear Diary,

I had Anna and Erik and Nicholas over for my birthday this year and we had a really good time. I didn't invite the others in my class like I did last year. I'd rather have a few good pals than a bunch of rotten ones. I also realised that I like to write in you, diary. It's almost like I'm having a conversation with a close friend. Of course, I don't expect you to answer back. That would be silly. But sometimes it's like when I write in you, I can hear the answers to my questions in my head.

Isn't that funny?

I asked for a new diary for Christmas. And a bunch more books to read.

Hal Dursley

25 December 2016

Dear (New) Diary,

It feels really strange to hold you in my hands. You are much nicer than my old diary. In case you haven't noticed (and you haven't, since you're just a blank book), you're lether and you have a little lock and key. Pop says I got so much better over the last year that he trusts me to write every day and to look for my own mistakes. He also said that an eleven year old boy is intitled to his privacy.

He says he'll keep watching MacGyver with me every night after I write my diary entry. He also says that I don't have to worry about running out of episodes because he has the collector's edition and the show ran for seven seasons. I'm glad, because that means we can watch it together for years and years.

I love my Pop. He's smarter than I thought. I guess that's why his restaurants make so much money. He knows how to make things happen. Apparently, when he was a child, he knew how to make things happen the way he wanted, too. I wonder how he did it. He won't say.

Hal Dursley

PS. Leather, entitled

25 December 2016

Dear Diary,

I am writing in you again because I just saw something strange. I walked into Mum and Pop's room (I know, I know, I should've knocked) and I found Pop staring at a photograph. He didn't hear me until I was right up next to him, and I noticed the strangest thing. The people in the picture were moving.

When Pop saw me, he tried to hide the photo but I wouldn't stop asking questions until he answered. He told me that the picture was of his cousin Harry's family. Why haven't I seen them before? And why were they moving? And do I really have three more cousins I've never heard of?

I've never seen my dad look so sad before. He pointed out everyone in the family: Harry Potter. Ginny Potter. James Serious Potter. Albus Sever-ass Potter. Lily Luna Potter.

Guess I'm not the only one in the family with a bizare name.

Pop said that he and Mum send Christmas cards and photos every year, but he's never heard from Uncle Harry (is he my uncle? I'm not sure how this cousins' kids thing works). Aunt Ginny (if she's my aunt) sends Pop a picture and a note sometimes. He told me that Albus is the same age as me, and would most likely be going to boarding school next year, too. I asked him if we'd be going to the same school, but Pop said "Probably not."

I wish we could. I want a bigger family. And it would be nice not to be the only one around with a really strange name. I think. But at my next school, I'm not going to let anyone know my real name. It's not worth it.

Hal Angus MacGyver Dursley, who no longer has the weirdest name in the family

PS. Bizarre.

27 December 2016

Dear Diary,

I can't get the look on Pop's face out of my mind. I also can't forget about how those people in the picture moved, or what the rest of my family looks like. I need to know exactly what happened with Pop and Uncle Harry. I mean, it doesn't make any [sence] sense. Moving photographs? When I asked what it was, Pop tried to tell me that it was magic.

"What," I said, "Did Uncle Harry climb through the back of a wardrobe?"

I thought it was pretty funny, but my dad just said, "No, he walked through a wall in a train station."

What is that supposed to mean? When Granny Petunia gets here, I'm going to ask her what happened to Harry.

Hal Dursley

3 January 2017

Dear Diary,

I made Granny cry.

I didn't know asking about Uncle Harry would make her cry like that. She even ran out and she's stayed in the guest room for a whole hour. Maybe I shouldn't have asked, but I'm curious about that magic thing. I never used to realise how easy it was to hurt someone's feelings. Now that I know, I still mess up and do it.

I'm especially sorry because Granny brought me a puppy. I wanted to name it "Jack" but apparently it's a girl. I don't mind, I just need to think of a different name. She's an English Bulldog, and rather funny looking, with all these wrinkles and sad looking eyes. Like Granny's eyes when I asked about Uncle Harry.

Before I asked, she told me that—aside from a few dogs she could name—the breed is usually friendly, brave, and loyal. She also said they can be dignified, but I am not sure that any dog with a face like that can be dignified.

Is it mean to make fun of what a dog looks like, too?

Hal Dursley

4 January 2017

I'm going to name her Lyra.

I don't want to write anything else today. I'm worried about Granny.

Hal Dursley

6 January 2017

Dear Diary,

Today, Granny told me there was a terrible war and that she and Pop and my grandfather had to go into hiding with a bunch of Ore-ers (?) for a long time. She told me that her sister had been killed in another war. She told me that she made Harry sleep in a closet because she didn't want him. I couldn't believe that she could be that mean so I asked Pop and he said it was all true. I guess that's why my dad was so worried I'd turn into a bully. It seems to run in the family.

Pop also said that Harry really is magic—that he's a wizard. Then, he showed me a picture of Granny and grandfather and him and Harry as little boys. Harry was almost out of the frame. Pop was really fat back then, and Uncle Harry looked like he was wearing a sack.

I'm going to the library tomorrow to look up what wars happened when Pop was a kid. I've never heard of any wars then.

Hal Dursley

7 January 2017

Dear Diary,

I can't believe my father lied to me! There weren't any wars then! Not in the United Kingdom, anyway.

Hal Dursley

9 January 2017

Dear Diary,

I'm confused. Is there such a thing as a secret war? And how could one happen right here without anyone knowing it? I can't figure it out, so I keep asking questions. Mum says she wasn't there to see it and didn't know about it until she met Pop. She said to ask him for details. Pop just insists that there was a war, and his family went into hiding, and he's never seen Uncle Harry again.

I'll be glad when school starts. I think my whole family's gone barmy. No, I really, really do. I'm glad I can write all this stuff down in my diary without Pop reading it, because I have a lot of confusing feelings and I think I'll be writing about this stuff for a long time.

It's fun to watch MacGyver and other people on TV blow things up, but when I think about what that means in real life, I don't think I'd ever want to go to war. I don't even think I want to play first-person-shooter games anymore.

Hal Dursley

14 February 2017

Dear Diary,

Now I understand what it's like not being the biggest, meanest boy in school. I've met someone bigger and meaner than I ever was. He's always surrounded by people who act like they like him, but I think they are just afraid of him. I wonder if that's how my old friends saw me.

He's decided to pick on me, now. I expect it's because of Erik, Anna, and Nicholas. I'm not going to back down, though, even if he does punch me in the stomach. I may be shorter than him, but I'll bet I'm stronger.

Hal Dursley

17 February 2017

Dear Diary,

He did punch me in the stomach. And he was sorry afterwards.

Of course, I was taken to the Headmaster's office again. Pop wasn't anywhere near as angry this time as he was last year. I guess there are some times when fighting back is a good thing.

"Hal Dursley, defender of the downtrodden!"

It has a nice ring to it. I wish had a [dual] duel-identity and superpowers, though.

Hal Dursley

3 March 2017

Dear Diary,

Since Marcus is afraid to punch me again, he's started insulting me. I don't mind. I can insult him right back. Today he called me a "stuck-up pretentious know-it-all" because of the way I talk. I guess I've learned a lot of words since I started reading more. Anyway, I told Marcus I was surprised that he could even pronounce "pretentious."

When I told Mum about it, she said that sometimes it's a good idea to read and write well, but to talk to other people more normal-like. That way they don't get intimidated or jealous. I'll have to think about that. What I'd like most of all is for people to get along with each other. If the way I'm talking now is making it hard for me to get along with the other kids, then maybe I should try not to sound stuck-up.

After all, I would have said the same thing as Marcus did a year and a half ago. Except I wouldn't have known the word "pretentious."

Hal Dursley

29 March 2017

Dear Diary,

Marcus hasn't let up on me. For some reason, Pop keeps asking strange questions, like whether when I'm upset at him, Marcus ends up in a tree or sprouting a pig's tail. Definitely, he's going barmy.

I've been asking him whether I will go to the same boarding school as he did, but he said absolutely not, that it was a horrible place. Mum is getting impatient, because we really should be figuring out where I'm going to study next autumn.

Hal Dursley

7 April 2017

Dear Diary,

Ever since I told my parents that I want to grow my hair longer, I could swear that Pop is staring at me every morning over the breakfast table. He also keeps asking Mum if she thinks my hair is growing any faster than usual. Of course, she said no. What does he expect? That a dirty-blond mop is suddenly going to pop out of my head?

Hal Dursley

12 April 2017

Dear Diary,

Oh my God, a dirty-blond mop suddenly popped out of my head! Not a real mop, of course, but my hair! It grew out overnight, just the way I'd wanted it. I have no idea how to explain it at school. I don't even know how to explain it myself. Pop looked happy, though.

Wait a minute, Mum's calling me . . .

Oh, good. She says that we could trim my hair a little bit every morning if it keeps growing so fast. That way, no one will notice anything strange.

That, or I could get a wig.

Hal "Hairy" Dursley

28 April 2017

Dear Diary,

Anna kissed me today. I could have sworn I floated all the way home.

Girls definitely don't have cooties.

Hal Dursley

29 April 2017

Dear Diary,

Mum says I'm too young to be kissing girls. But I didn't kiss Anna. She kissed me on the cheek. It was no different than how I kiss Granny, except for the floating part. But apparently I'm not allowed to have a girlfriend until I'm fifteen. Huh. I wonder whether they can do anything about that if I'm in boarding school? I mean, how would they know? I mean, it's not like I fancy girls or anything. Except as friends.

Hal Dursley

1 May 2017

Dear Diary,

When I heard what Marcus said to Anna yesterday, a rock flew right up into my hand. I don't know how that happened, but I think it scared me even more than it scared Marcus.

But it sure did scare Marcus. He's staying away from all my friends now. And I'll bet he'll never call Anna that again.

Hal Dursley, summoner of rocks

4 May 2017

Dear Diary,

It amazes me to think how much happier I am than I used to be. I'm not picking on everyone all the time. I don't feel stupid. I don't feel angry. Mum and Pop are more relaxed. I have Lyra to play with, and she's a great dog. Loyal, brave, and friendly—just like Granny said. I love her funny face, droopy eyes and all.

Things can change so fast. I used to think I was popular, but I was pathetic. Now, I can tell that people like me, and I like people. It's just better all around.

Hal Dursley

10 May 2017

Dear Diary,

I was starting to get really worried about the whole boarding school situation, but Pop assures me that between my hair, the floating-home thing, and the rock, I don't have to be concerned. I'll be hearing from my new school over the summer. What kind of school takes students for making weird, inexplicable things happen? I thought they accepted us on how good our marks are or whether our parents can afford tuition.

Anyway, Pop's going around like he's got a secret he's longing to tell, but he never does. Also, he's taken that moving picture that I saw at Christmas from his drawer and put it on the desk in his office.

I like to go there when he's at the restaurant, just so I can see what the rest of my family looks like.

Hal Dursley

PS. I love my thesaurus.

24 July 2017

Dear Diary,

Sure enough, I got a letter from my future school today. It came through the mail slot—but not at the time the mail is usually delivered. Pop's hand was shaking when he gave it to me. He said he wanted me to read it first, but I got the feeling that he wished he could peer over my shoulder.

I still can't believe it, so I'm going to copy it down here, word for word:

...

HOGWARTS SCHOOL of WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY

Headmistress: Minerva McGonagall

(Order of Merlin, First Class, Master of Transfiguration, Barnabas Finkley Award Winner for Exceptional Spell-Casting)

Dear Mr. Dursley,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.

Although I am well aware that your father has knowledge of the magical community, it is not to be expected that he will be able to help you secure these items. Therefore, in order to facilitate your entry into the Wizarding World, you may expect a visit from Professor Penrose on August 15. Please be prepared to receive him at 9:00 AM.

The term begins on September 1. Send a letter confirming your enrollment to the following address:

Ms. Minerva McGonagall

PO Box 777

London

N1 9AL

Sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall,

Headmistress

...

After I read the letter, I passed it to Pop, and then he gave it to Mum. Pop was chuffed, but Mum wasn't. She asked Pop if he was sure it was right to send me to Hogwarts, because it seemed like the Wizarding World is a dangerous place, and wouldn't I be safer staying home?

I guess Pop isn't barmy at all, and there is a magical world in Britain that most people don't know about. You just get to it by walking through walls instead of slipping through the back of a wardrobe or climbing under a hedge while holding a sword.

Part of me thinks that this is all a big prank that Pop's been playing on me for months and months. He does like to pull pranks. Yet at the same time, I don't think he'd be that cruel, at least not anymore. Plus, there was all that stuff that's been happening—like my hair, and the levitating, and the rock, and the way I made a blackberry pie appear on the table right after I said I'd like some for breakfast.

Apparently, about a thousand letters like this is how everything got started with Uncle Harry. I hope that we don't get a thousand letters shoved through the mail slot.

One is enough.

Hal Dursley, who has superpowers even if he doesn't have a duel identity.

24 July 2017

Dear Diary,

When I said I was going to text my friends to tell them about my new school, my dad said I can't tell anyone I'm a wizard.

So . . . I actually do have superpowers and a duel-identity. Wicked!

Hal Dursley, still not as cool as MacGyver

13 August 2017

Dear Diary,

Ever since the letter came, Pop has been telling me about the Wizarding World. He says he never paid attention to Harry, except to make fun of his owl (?!) and run away whenever he pulled out his wand.

(Side note: I'd kind of hoped I'd be able to do magic just by pointing my finger at things, but apparently I need a wand. Why do I need a wand when I'm already making things happen without one? It doesn't make sense.)

Anyway, Pop says that most of what he knows, he overheard from the [Ore-ers] Aurors while he was in hiding during the war. He says there was a really bad wizard named Lord Vole-de-Mort going around killing people, and my Uncle Harry defeated him and his followers. That's really scary, except for one part. I looked up "de" and "mort" in Mum's French dictionary.

I don't understand why a wicked wizard would want to call himself "Lord Vole of Death." Voles are like tiny mice, aren't they? That's not scary at all. I'd say that this Lord Vole-de-Mort must have been rather stupid, except that Pop said the war was terrifying, even if he couldn't see it happening. He overheard things and sometimes stole the Aurors' best newspaper, The Quibbler, or eavesdropped when they were playing a secret radio program.

Pop also said that Hogwarts has flying staircases and quicksand and if I got detention—well, I don't want that done to me. It makes my fingers hurt just to think about it, and I kept my hands in my pockets for an hour after Pop told me. I'm never, ever going to do anything to get a detention. EVER.

Overall, I think wizards must be strange people. Pop says that people like him and me—who don't have magical parents, are called Moogles. After that, I looked up "Moogle," and they are these cats with wings and a balloon on their heads. From a video game, no less.

I'm not sure I want to be a wizard.

Hal Dursley, who'd rather study science in a normal university and make heat-shields out of refrigerators.

14 August 2017

Dear Diary,

Pop says I don't have a choice—that if I'm magical, I'm a wizard, and so I have to go to Hogwarts or I might accidentally harm someone. If he's right and I might hurt somebody, then I'll go. I'd hate myself if I exploded one of my friends. Or even Marcus.

So, there it is. Hogwarts for me.

Sometimes, I think Pop doesn't quite know what he's talking about, but there are two things he says that I believe completely: one, that this Vole-de-Mort was real, and two, that the war changed Pop's life.

I've wondered how it is that, if my dad, granny, and grandfather were all so mean, Pop turned into a good man. Now I know. Pop told me that a magical monster attacked him once. Even though he couldn't see it, it made all the bad things he'd done in his whole life flash before his eyes. He said that in the hospital afterwards he vomited and vomited. He wasn't just sick because he'd nearly died, but also because he hated the person he saw inside.

I am glad that Pop made me nicer by giving me a diary instead of a [de-mentor] dementor.

Hal Dursley

15 August 2017

Dear Diary,

From what my father said, I thought that Professor Penrose was going to show up dressed really strangely, but he wasn't. He was in a perfectly normal suit and tie. Professor Penrose says he teaches Muggle Studies at Hogwarts. He pulled out a notebook and started writing things down as soon as he came in the door. Other than that, he seemed like a regular person, just like you might run into on the street.

Mum decided to stay home with Lyra while Pop and I went with the professor. It's good that we were both ready at 9 AM, because at 9:15 Professor Penrose pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and told us each to grab a corner. Then, suddenly, we were in a little courtyard. I felt strange in the stomach for a while—like something had been pulling on me from the inside.

The professor tapped a brick with his wand, and suddenly there was a door there to a whole new part of London. Then, he asked if we had our list of supplies with us (we did) and sent us through. He insisted we'd be just fine in "Diagon Alley" and that he was anxious to go back to the regular part of London to do some more research.

Professor Penrose was a little more optimistic than he should have been. Pop and I got lost, and we nearly went down a dangerous street called Knockturn Alley. If Scorpius Malfoy and his father hadn't been there to stop us, we might have gotten robbed or hurt.

Fortunately, they spent the rest of the day showing us around and helping us get my books and robes and other supplies. I was right about Pop—he doesn't really know much about the magical world. Scorpius told me that they don't pull people's fingernails out anymore.

I still don't want to get detention, though.

Scorpius seems like a nice person, but he's a bit odd. He straightened me out about a lot of things, but at the same time he overreacted to some of my questions. Like when I asked which of the four Houses is the best. I mean, it doesn't make sense that they'd all be equally good. If the hat-thingy looks into your head and puts you into the house that suits you best, some houses must be better than others, right? I'm sure if I'd worn that hat two years ago, I'd be put in a different house than the one I would be put in today.

But maybe that was Scorpius's point. And maybe the hat-thingy looks into our heads and sees what kind of person we could become instead of what kind of person we are now. That's like what Pop did with me, right?

If that was all Scorpius had said, I wouldn't feel so strange about him. But then he told me that some wizards are better than others, and that made me upset. If we're just kids, why can't we change? How can anyone say that? I can change. I did change. If evil is in our blood—then I'd be just as bad as Pop and my grandparents were, right?

Maybe I misunderstood Scorpius. When I see him again, I'll see if I can smooth things over. He never gave me a chance to ask any more questions, because he ran off to buy his wand alone. When I told Mr. Malfoy about that, he didn't seem surprised. He still spent the rest of the day helping Pop and me find our way around.

I noticed that while Pop bought all new books for me, Mr. Malfoy got used ones. I also noticed that a lot of people turned away from Mr. Malfoy when they saw him. I wonder why. I don't think I'll ask Scorpius. I think it would hurt his feelings because he must have noticed them doing that before. They did it when he was with his father, too. Well, if no one else will be Scorpius's friend, then I will.

Unless he turns out to be mean like Marcus.

I have a lot more to say about Diagon Alley and what happened there, but I've written so much that my hand is cramping up. It's even worse because I'm practicing with my new quill. I don't know how I will get used to that. Maybe I can bring a whole bunch of pens to Hogwarts with me?

Hal Dursley, chuffed about his new stuff.

PS. That kind of rhymed. Maybe I should take up poetry! Anna would like it. But I'm not allowed to have a girlfriend. So that's that.

16 August 2017

Dear Diary,

Point and flick. Point and flick. Point and flick. Point and flick. Point and flick.

Wingardium Leviosa! Wingardium Leviosa! Wingardium Leviosa! Wingardium Leviosa!

I've been doing that all morning and I still can't make the feather move. If there really are duels at Hogwarts, I'll be in trouble, unless I can summon a really, really long sword by accident. And a sword would actually hurt someone much more than a punch in the stomach.

I'll write about the rest of my day in Diagon Alley later. I'm too frustrated now. I'm going to go play with Lyra and try to think up a name for my owl.

Hal Dursley

(Date illegible)

I realised something awful while I was trying to get Lyra to play fetch.

Mr. Malfoy said that Hogwarts students can only bring toads, cats, owls, or rats as pets. That means I have to leave Lyra here. I don't want to leave Lyra behind. I haven't cried for a long time, but now I am. Lyra keeps staring up at me with those red-rimmed eyes, and it is making me feel worse.

I've smeared the ink, now. Damn it. How could Granny give me a dog when she knew I might have to leave her behind? Or didn't it ever occur to her that her grandson might be a wizard just like her sister?

(Signature illegible)

19 August 2017

Dear Diary,

1) I decided to name my owl 'Caspian.' I wanted to name him 'Reepicheep' because he's small and tough, but the only nicknames I could think of for 'Reepicheep' are 'Reepy' and 'Cheepy.' Neither sound good.

2) Lyra won't stop barking at Caspian. I think she's jealous.

I'd write the rest of the stuff about Diagon Alley in the library, where it's quiet enough to think, but I shouldn't be writing about magic in public. I'll have to do it later.

Hal Dursley

20 August 2017

Dear Diary,

I'm going to pretend the whole Lyra thing isn't happening, or else I'll never finish my account about Diagon Alley. There isn't much more to say, anyway.

As I said, Mr. Malfoy didn't seem surprised that his son wanted to pick out his wand by himself. We lingered in Flourish and Blotts (the bookstore) for a long time, had some ice-cream, then went to Ollivander's, the wand store. It's run by a youngish man who apparently inherited the shop from his father. There were cases and cases of wands all over the place. I don't know how anyone could find anything there.

Mr. Ollivander is very quiet and somber-looking. He measured my arm then pulled out a stack of those long boxes. Then, he had me swing each wand around, as if he expected something to happen. All the time he watched me, never telling me or Pop or Mr. Malfoy anything except for a curt description of each wand I tried. Eventually, my hand got tired and I was beginning to think that I'd be using my finger to cast spells after all.

Then, a wand finally picked me.

"Ivy wood—twelve-and-a-quarter inches—thestral-hair core. Hm. Interesting." Without another word, Mr. Ollivander put the wand in a parcel and Pop paid for it. It was, I thought, quite expensive—not that I understand the whole wizard-money thing.

As we left the shop, Mr. Malfoy commented that thestral-hair cores were hard to collect because not everyone can see a thestral. Apparently, he'd handled a wand with such a core once. I don't think it was a pleasant memory, which made me rather afraid to touch my wand. Fortunately, he also said that ivy wood was a good sign and that he hoped that I would befriend his son.

Then, Mr. Malfoy led us back to the courtyard, pointed us to the pub door, and before we knew it, we were back in the middle of Muggle London.

How strange it is to write that. "Muggle London."

Muggle London and the Wizarding World. Two totally different realities, side by side. It's almost like The Secret Country.

Hal Dursley

31 August 2017

Dear Diary,

Tonight is my last night in the Muggle World. I've already said goodbye to my friends, and no matter how much Mum objects, Lyra is going to sleep in bed with me tonight.

When I was going through my school books, I found one that listed the magical properties of ivy wands:

Determination, strength, optimism, spiritual growth—an ideal wand for protection.

Maybe that's why this wand picked me.

I hope so.

Harry Angus MacGyver Dursley

FINIS

DISCLAIMER: The Harry Potter universe and all canon characters belong to J.K. Rowling, not me.

MORE AUTHOR'S NOTES:

1. Thank you for surviving Hal's spelling!

2. The wording for Hal's Hogwarts letter is almost word-for-word copied from Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.

3. The description of the magical properties of ivy are from a site called DragonOak.

4. As always, reviews and constructive criticism are welcome. For this story, Brit-picking is especially welcome.

CHALLENGE: Written for the Original Character Oneshot Challenge