Every company has a conflict “style” that is usually passed down from the top leadership. As the CEO, I embrace that the company culture is one I set and am responsible for. In a company that is growing by 80% every year we have to identify conflicts, work through them and implement resolution…and we have to do it quickly. Thus, we operate in a “pro-conflict” culture, which can sometimes be an understatement.

When someone starts a new position in any company, including ours, they “honeymoon” for awhile. They love their boss. They love their co-workers. Issues are seen through rose-colored glasses and worries are brushed aside. They decide that this company is incredible and nothing could ever happen to change their minds. People get a little “drunk on the punch” on all the wonderful things they see. They compare everything in the new place to what they disliked in the last place and it almost always feels like they have won the lottery. This is a fun time and is a high bonding time for teams which should be embraced and nurtured. The grass is greener after all!!!!!…. Until it isn’t.

The first fight is inevitable and it almost always happens in the first 60–90 days. No company is perfect. No supervisor is perfect. No employee is perfect. There is no perfect policy or system or working environment. Flaws are visible and real. The pedestals and thrones that were mentally constructed while someone was in their honeymoon can come crashing down during times of conflict. Thoughts and issues abound: The company isn’t as organized as it should be. The supervisor isn’t a perfect “supervisor robot” that does and says all the right things at all the right times. The employee was expecting more. The employee doesn’t have the skillset you were anticipating. The supervisor was expecting more. Everyone is growing and evolving and learning and that process feels uncomfortable to people. The mental blame game starts happening as something creeps in…the first conflict. One of many to come.

Conflicts happen from misalignment — simple as that. People have views and opinions and perspectives of how things “should be” that are different from how they are. This can be tolerated until action is required. Regardless of whether that balance tips first for the supervisor or employee, the first problem is the most vulnerable period for the relationship and it can highly influence someone’s career trajectory at the company. It could be over something as simple as an incomplete task or something as complex as a philosophical difference. Whatever it may be, the call to action causes friction and at some point that friction bursts into a the first fight — the apex of misalignment.

Are first fights “bad” or reflective of a problematic employee? NO! I actually find people that never have conflict kind of…dare I say…suspicious. When I hear a new employee has finally had the “first fight” with their supervisor my response isn’t one of surprise. It is affirmation that that person is engaged in the work, regardless of whether they may need a little nudging to get back on track. My first question is always “How did they handle it?”. My focus is continually on the team “process” of alignment and resolution vs. the “content” of the actual fight itself.

As the leader, use conflict as an opportunity to create increased alignment.

Problems happen. We all work to solve problems, so it is a set up for failure to expect anything other than continuous problems throughout the workday. Solving problems is the FUN of work. If you don’t like actively solving the problems that come up in your position with enthusiasm then you are simply in the wrong job.

Professional maturity is evident during conflict. Someone with low maturity/low engagement will align themselves “down”, meaning they will seek affirmation from negative co-workers or worse, people that report to them. They will take a victim approach, acting as if things are happening “to them”. They will villainize others — be it a co-worker or a supervisor. It is easy to villainize the boss and this is an easy default for people as they can irrationally rationalize this thought process in lots of ways, engaging others in toxic messaging to increase their own sense of validation. This is a BAD career choice that happens more often than it should in a professional environment. If you take one thing from this article, take this: Never align “down” — No matter how tempted or upset you are.

Someone with moderate professional maturity will align with their peers. They have enough sense to not go to their own team that reports to them and to avoid the extreme toxic co-workers. That said, they may mildly complain with their friends and try to work “around” their supervisor or the conflict or avoid it altogether. This can be a neutral career choice — by doing this it may end up that this person stays tolerated or stagnant in their position and can comfortably float for awhile….at least until the next conflict arises. The complexity and speed of the position and company will ultimately determine how long this person can continue to align laterally and remain successful.

Someone with high professional maturity and high engagement will “align up” to their supervisor and the top leadership of the company. They will choose to put aside their own frustrations and align with what is best not only for the company but also what will bring them professionally closer to their own supervisor and other top leaders. They will seek to understand the “why” behind the conflict and choose to adjust their own process to align with the better good. They choose to seek support and advice from their supervisor during the conflict than from their peers. Instead of trying to change their supervisor’s personality they embrace it and find ways to effectively communicate with them. They will make an active effort to identify themselves with the leaders and will go out of their way to make it visible. They will mimic language, messaging and behaviors of the people at the company that are successful. They choose to view the fight as “content” and not make the process personal to a person. By doing this, they keep the conflict professional and respectful while creating a “team” mentality.

Ultimately, alignment is a choice just like a place of employment is a choice. If you are choosing to work for a company you expect to be immersed in that culture and given opportunities for training and professional development. Similarly, the company that is choosing an employee is expecting for them to align up and be an active part of a healthy team dynamic and to contribute to the overall success of the organization.

Is it ok to keep people on the team that are intentionally not aligned or working against team effectiveness and cohesiveness? No, it is not. It hinders the work of the whole team and is unacceptable. Will some people leave because they can’t handle conflict and are too uncomfortable with a culture of high accountability? Yes. They will ultimately run interference with effectiveness and productivity, so it is best not to have them on the team anyway. Thus, as a leader you should feel compelled to Identify the pieces and people that are not aligned and focus on them until they become so. Focus on them with some serious intensity until the dysfunction is gone. This will involve a lot of conflict.

An effective leader doesn’t “wait” for the conflict, but they prompt it and embrace it.

Will there be more fights beyond the first? YES. LOTS OF THEM. The higher up you get in a company and the more it grows, the more battles you see. I tend to have the most conflict with people I have chosen to be in top leadership positions — these are the people that I appreciate and respect the most while also being the ones I “fight” with the most. This is because we are all engaged and excited about our jobs. We care enough to have lots of fights and keep going, knowing we are aligned with each other. At some point we all look forward to our mini-battles as we understand that conflict moves us closer to being a cohesive and aligned team that drives the company forward. Our ongoing conflict benefits everyone that works at the company and so we repeatedly engage in it. It starts at the top, after all.

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