by Saintmort The Monster Squad: 25 Years Of Kicking Nards

When I was a kid I loved my Uncle Craig. He’s the type of uncle every Horror Fan/Geek deserves. I haven’t seen him in almost a decade but my memories of hanging out with him will forever be etched into my brain.

Craig loved horror stuff. His house was filled with masks, action figures and statues of all the greats: Jason, Freddy, Leatherface, Cenobites and many other classic characters. Every Halloween he’d transform his property into a giant haunted house with mechanical mannequins (including a man in an electric chair who shook violently when the light above his head turned on and a Linda Blair whose head spun 360 degrees). It was in this setting that I was most likely introduced to The Monster Squad.

Regardless of where and when I first saw it, I saw it many many times afterwards. Fred Dekker’s film was truly my first introduction to horror movies, sparking a desire to see the classic Universal films that these villains were based on. But I’m getting ahead of myself. I realize that there’s a good chance that a decent percent of people have never heard or seen The Monster Squad. There’s a short answer and a long answer. Short Answer: It’s The Goonies with Monsters. Long Answer? Well… okay, but prepare for a few spoilers.

Sean Crenshaw (Andre Gower) is a 12 year old kid who loves horror movies. He loves them so much that he has a club/treehouse (and a kick ass one at that) with his friends Patrick, Horace (aka Fat Kid), Eugene and the newest (and oldest) member Rudy. The group talk monster movies and torture Sean’s sister Phoebe. Not a very out of the ordinary childhood… until the day that Sean’s mom buys him a diary that supposedly belonged to Abraham Van Helsing.

Suddenly, Sean starts hearing strange reports of Mummies going missing and men screaming that they’re actually a werewolf in the police station. Sean realizes that his town is being plagued by some of history’s most infamous monsters and it’s up to his friends and their new found buddy Frankenstein to team up and fight Dracula and his evil minions.

Writer/Director Fred Dekker said that his goal with this movie was to make his own version of Little Rascals meeting the Universal Monsters. However, he couldn’t legally make that movie, so he made up a new team of modern day Little Rascals and with the help of Stan Winston was able to update the Universal creatures to avoid any copyright issues.

The film helped introduce what I consider to be the best looking versions of all the Universal monsters (specifically Gill-Man and Mummy). Each character has their own definitive look and style. Mummy with his terrifyingly thin appearance, Gil-Man looking like his head is a Piranha, an incredibly beefed up Wolf-Man (who stands on two feet again after a few years of four legged werewolves) and a Frankenstein monster who looks more like a corpse than ever before. For years I’ve dreamed of remakes of the original Universal films using these designs (specifically Creature From the Black Lagoon).

I guess it’s important that I mention some of the most infamous scenes from the film. Some of the jokes would never appear in a kid’s film these days. The 80’s were a magical time where PG and PG-13 films could depict kids talking like kids. The Monster Squad (much like The Goonies) basically depict kids in the same way that Rob Reiner and Stephen King presented youth in Stand by Me. It’s because of this frankness that lines like “Woflman’s got nards” (in reference to the Wolfman’s groin) not only exists but has become an iconic line, oftentimes being used by people who have no other knowledge of the film beyond that single line.

However, the most memorable moment for me involved Eugene informing his parents that there’s a mummy in his closet. the scene involves his dad entering the room and making a big scene, screaming at all of the invisible monsters and warning them to get out of the room before finally going to the closet door.

Without looking inside, he opens the door and begins mocking Eugene. He yells lines like “oooh look at that big scary monster”, while Eugene in tears looks at the actual mummy reaching out for him from inside the closet. The father scolds him for letting his imagination get the best of him and as he walks away Eugene sees the mummy exit through the window before covering his eyes. As a kid fascinated with what might lurk in the shadows, I loved this scene.

Beyond its ability to accurately depict adolescence, The Monster Squad also offers one of the most sympathetic looks at Frankenstein (which is impressive because he’s already a pretty tragic character). When it comes time for Frankenstein to leave with the rest of the forces of evil, you are touched. A reverse of the scene in which the original Boris Karloff Frankenstein monster drowns the townsman’s daughter while trying to make a friend, when Phoebe screams “don’t go Frankenstein, don’t go!” you can’t help but get the smallest tear in your eye that Frankenstein finally made that friend only to have to leave her behind.

The film even introduced me to adult historical themes for the first time. It contains a character who’s name (even in the credits) is Scary German Guy (Leonardo Cimino). Scary German Guy is a holocaust survivor who resides in town and is suspiciously watched by our heroes. But eventually they need his help in translating Van Helsing’s journal in order to save the day. Without his help end movie would not end on a happy note, not just because it breaks down cultural borders but generational ones. What greater monsters than the ones that the older generations faced in real life?

Today we celebrate 25 years that the Monster Squad has enlightened and touched geeks around the world. From attending conventions and talking to people at the Geekscape booth I know that my experience with Monster Squad is not a singular and rare reaction. People adore this movie and we’ve featured the cast and director on the site several times.

After years of being out of print, the film finally came to DVD a few years ago. Packed with commentary tracks, retrospective documentaries, deleted scenes, storyboards and a ton of other goodies, it’s a great buy whether you’re a long time fan or have never heard of it.

And if you have a child or are a child at heart yourself, it might be time for you to introduce someone (or yourself) to this magical film made 25 years ago.