I raced through the book. It is not an easy book to read, it is shocking in what it has to describe but there are moments of humour and the writing is always engaging. I had heard little snippets and enjoyed identifying these throughout the book. The list of things that remind him of the abuse is ingenious as it is not in itself explicit but if you think about it, it really is. It gives you an insight into what he experienced without him having to say it explicitly and is also a massive insight

I raced through the book. It is not an easy book to read, it is shocking in what it has to describe but there are moments of humour and the writing is always engaging. I had heard little snippets and enjoyed identifying these throughout the book. The list of things that remind him of the abuse is ingenious as it is not in itself explicit but if you think about it, it really is. It gives you an insight into what he experienced without him having to say it explicitly and is also a massive insight into how much it affects his life.



I think this is a really important book because it shows how abuse affects people not just at the time but throughout their lives and by showing that it lets people know that it is ok to still be affected by these things. So often when people tell their story they are at pains to say how they have overcome it, how they are fine now (not just about abuse, about any mental health issue) this is probably not true but it is the message the media sends people. What James has bravely done by being so honest is show people (as Jessie J would say) that "it's ok not to be ok". It's ok to have been emotionally crippled by this and for it to have affected the rest of your life and it's still ok to talk about it if that is the case. That is such an important message. So people don't feel they have to have "got themselves together" or got all the answers before they can tell their story. It's ok to tell their story now and maybe that will help them and others.



I didn't think I would be able to relate to anything in the book, I thought it would just be an insight into something I could never imagine but as James quote says at the beginning of the book "it isn't comforting to say to someone 'I can never imagine what you went through' it is comforting to say 'tell me about it and I will try'". The truth is we don't want to imagine it (understandably enough) but as he described the kind child be was before this happened (happy, shy, nervous) I was struck by how easily this could have been me. Or anyone. His description of the affect it had on him "from happy child to automaton" I found that whole description particularly beautiful and it really resonated with me.



The structuring is very good, and diverse and interesting. The use of the police statement to cover the time of the abuse and the little play at the beginning. I find it hard to reconcile the description of James' inner voice and thoughts with the bright, happy, engaging man we see talking and doing readings from the book. It is just hard to imagine that voice in that person or anyone. I found myself hoping he is feeling better now and in a different frame of mind. Although I could also relate to the dark, negative thoughts.



I'm going to come back to how I read the book. I raced through it that first night, the horror of it all. I do think it's nice James is honest that he is still angry with the teacher who didn't report the abuse at the time. I really wanted to get to a point where I felt James had turned a corner before I stopped reading. Just as I reached exhaustion point I got to Track Twelve (Chapter Twelve) and felt I could see light at the end of the tunnel. James went through many institutions that he didn't feel helped him and this is the point where he finds one that does. So I stopped reading and collapsed for the night to try to snatch 4 hours sleep before I had to get up again (I meant to stop earlier but couldn't put the book down). On very little sleep the next day I found my reading of the book levelled out as the events of the book itself did. I read for a couple of hours each evening over the next two nights to finish it. James' troubles were by no means over but there was hope. What is so inspiring and important is that he talks about how things fall apart in his head even when outwardly they are going well; with TV work, after filming his "Notes From The Inside" programme for example.



It is hard to read about some of the things James went through and the thoughts and feelings it has left him with. I can only imagine how difficult it was to write and he should be applauded for having done so. At the same time his personality leaps off the page and brings joy and humour to the whole thing.



His notes on the composers for example which start each chapter are delightful and what I imagine it is like to be at one of his concerts(I can only imagine as I haven't been to one, though I would like to!). I think he looks for the madness in them that he sees in himself. It certainly makes for a more interesting view of them! (I think my brother would find this really interesting!) Somehow our view of them has become stuffy like the classical music scene (as James describes it) his wild enthusiasm is a breath of fresh air! As someone who loves stories it is all the back-story that he gives about each composer, song and composition that helps me engage with the music.



The book also includes three articles he has written (one about how much free time we have within which to be creative and encouraging people to write - look James, I did it!) I had read them before but this one was particularly inspiring. The other two are about the Classical Music Awards and his disdain for them.



The section of advice about love he read out at Hay comes at the very end of the book. It is lovely to see how he finally comes to terms with stuff (I'll have to try it!) and walks alongside someone in love.



It is so sad there was such an effort to stop this book as it is beautifully written about a subject that desperately needs to be spoken about more not less. It is only once you have read the book that you can understand the truly crushing effect this must have had on James. I hope everything around the publication can have a restorative effect on him. The most shocking aspect of it was the sheer volume of things he would not be allowed to talk about had he lost. That really beggars belief! I'm so glad he won, it would have been such an infringement of his rights if he hadn't and I wouldn't have got to read such a wonderful book!



It made me think about how I would write the story of my own life.

