Technology now lets us tell everyone everything at once, but we still value a network that existed before the Web: the grapevine. When you pass along gossip to a friend or colleague, you’re doing more than just relaying news. You’re defining a social circle. You’re reassuring the listeners that they’re in the loop — and subtly obliging them to remember that you are, too.

The golden rule of this “information order,” as Dr. Ryan calls it, is to tell unto others as you would have them tell unto you. You shouldn’t leave your trusted colleagues at the office in the dark about a coming shake-up, but you shouldn’t be an electronic font of trivia, either. You filter the news for them and expect them to do the same for you. You tell them what they need to know in the way they expect to hear it.

“Even though we all claim to hate gossip and being in or out of the loop, there’s an emotional benefit to grapevines,” Dr. Ryan says. “I think of it as informational grooming, like primates picking bugs off each other. We don’t want to get information all at once. Some you want to get as an insider: ‘I talked to Bob yesterday and he wanted me to tell you...’ Telling everyone violates our sense that we live in a rich array of social relationships.”

Technology hasn’t eliminated the desire for rules about who tells what, when and how. You don’t want your wife or girlfriend to tell you she’s pregnant by sending an e-mail message. A close friend could be miffed if he found about your hot date on Friday not from you, but from a casual acquaintance who had already seen pictures of it on your Facebook page.

A host may think it’s a friendly gesture to e-mail invitations to a party with all the recipients’ names in the address line, but if the names aren’t in alphabetical order and yours is near the end, the message may not seem so friendly. You could have the same out-of-the-loop feeling as a manager who learns big news about his department in the same e-mail message sent to everyone else in the company.