It started with a pixelated 37-second YouTube clip, featuring a header planted on the run beyond the Ivory Coast goalkeeper from well outside the penalty area. But, by the time the beach café’s wifi had properly kicked in, Papiss Cisse was on a roll.



There was the goal converted at Swansea where momentum dragged him left and to the floor as he collected a diagonal pass, but did not prevent him scooping a right-footed shot back and across a helpless Michel Vorm and into the far top corner en route. The debut winner at St James’ Park, ripped on the half volley high beyond Shay Given. Or the ludicrous mess of a finish in a relentless deluge in Shanghai, when he was spared the embarrassment of an air-kick with his left foot as the ball somehow contrived to loop in off his right.



He clicked through the showreel, the smile spreading ever broader across his face, with flickered recollections of each jaw-dropping conversion: “The ball sort of stops in...