FOXBOROUGH, MA—After surpassing Joe Montana last weekend to claim the all-time NFL record for most postseason touchdown passes, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady told reporters Friday that Montana “sucks total shit” and that he himself is “way, way better” than the retired San Francisco 49ers legend. “Joe Montana is terrible, and I’m a much better quarterback than he ever was,” said Brady, noting that it felt particularly good to break Montana’s record and prove that he is far superior to “that talentless bum.” “And while we’re on the subject: John Elway sucks; Roger Staubach sucks; Terry Bradshaw sucks; Troy Aikman sucks; Dan Marino sucks; Steve Young sucks; Bart Starr sucks; and Johnny Unitas sucks. They all suck compared to me. They’re terrible quarterbacks, and I’m a great quarterback—the greatest quarterback who ever lived. Me. I’m the best.” Brady went on to say that although the Patriots are unquestionably the best football team of all time, it is only because of his own contributions, and that he would have been able to achieve just as much without any of his teammates or coaches.

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