It is strange to think everyone in England was stocking up on waistcoats this time last month. Now the news is all about tinned goods flying off the shelves, which is probably because we don’t have the World Cup to distract us from reality any more.

As a sign of how much patriotic fervour had taken hold of the country, there was no better guide than people deciding to dress as Gareth Southgate, fashion icon. Nothing in life made more sense than buying a Southgate waistcoat before the semi-final against Croatia and it was because of one man finding a way to make supporters rekindle their passion for the England team.

That does not mean Southgate is the greatest manager in history. Any sober analysis of his decisions during the World Cup would have to factor in criticism of his substitutions against Colombia and Croatia. Yet his status as a national hero owed less to his tactical prowess than admiration for how he set about altering perceptions of English footballers with a positive and modern approach, creating an ego-free culture of engagement and an openness in which Danny Rose felt comfortable talking about depression. All it required was a human touch for the public to connect with Southgate and his team.

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Yet the return of club football has brought a different mood, with the past fortnight dominated by stories of José Mourinho’s grouchiness on Manchester United’s pre-season tour in the US. A dark cloud is hanging over the head of United’s manager, threatening to shower Old Trafford with gloom, and there are probably many at Chelsea raising a knowing eyebrow at Mourinho’s deepening cynicism, his complaints about signings and his habit of aiming pointed digs at whichever person happens to have lost his trust this time.

This is how it has reached the stage where you can have a position on whether Anthony Martial has made the right decision to stay in Paris after the birth of his second child. Martial left United’s tour last week and although Mourinho did not criticise him for flying home after his partner went into labour, he was less sympathetic when the forward failed to catch the next flight back to America as soon as his son had made his entrance. “He has the baby and after the baby is born – beautiful baby, full of health, thank God – he should be here and he is not here,” Mourinho said, with Martial now expected to be fined two weeks’ wages.

Mourinho’s frustration is understandable given many of United’s players are still on holiday. All the same, it is worth comparing his comments about Martial with Southgate’s view when Fabian Delph left the England camp during the World Cup to be with his pregnant wife. Delph missed the last-16 tie against Colombia, leaving his manager short of midfield depth on the bench, but his absence was handled with empathy.

Young, creative forwards have often struggled to see eye to eye with Mourinho

“It’s a bit of perspective in life,” Southgate said. “There’s only one day in your life when your child is born. You have to be there for your family. The thought process is some things in life are more important than football. His wife is due to go into labour. This is a big tournament but family is more important. I can’t speak highly enough of his character around the group, but his focus should be with his family at this time.”

No doubt Mourinho loyalists will say Delph returned to Russia in good time for England’s quarter-final against Sweden. They might also argue that a manager as successful as Mourinho has nothing to learn from Southgate, who took Middlesbrough down to the Championship in 2009 and got the England job only when Sam Allardyce got too talkative over a pint of wine.

But stop for a moment and consider whether it is really worth engaging in a point-scoring exercise because Martial has had the temerity to award himself some extra paternity leave. Proof of his loyalty does not depend on giving up time with his family. Yet football has a habit of clinging on to old-fashioned ideals, demanding conformity and obedience even when those values jar with the real world.

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This is the kind of episode which feeds into the idea that Mourinho’s style of man-management does not sit well with modern players. In his first spell at Chelsea he was seen as a genius motivator and he has spoken about his success with confrontational leadership, explaining it is about being “ready to provoke your players, to try to create some conflict, with the intention to bring out the best from them”. Yet the defining feature of Mourinho’s second spell at Stamford Bridge was his troubled relationship with Eden Hazard, his best and most skilful player.

It comes as no surprise that Martial, a talented 22-year-old whose career has stalled since Mourinho’s appointment two years ago, wants a fresh start away from United. Young, creative forwards have often struggled to see eye to eye with Mourinho, whose increasingly glum demeanour is in danger of weighing down his team before the season has started.

While Mourinho has griped about taking a weakened squad to America, Liverpool’s Jürgen Klopp and Manchester City’s Pep Guardiola have expressed their delight at being able to work with their youngsters. They have sounded full of hope and optimism, whereas Mourinho’s act comes across as tired. The time has come for him to cheer up, buy a waistcoat and phone Martial to tell him that children are our future.