36 NEW!

You're gorgeous... and I'm not just saying that because you're rich and dying 35 NEW!

I'm so glad I met someone who likes getting blackout drunk as much as I do 34 NEW!

You're worth more than just a late night text... so here's a free e-card 33 NEW!

Good thing you're so hot, because what I found out while Googling you is really scary (female) 32 NEW!

Good thing you're so hot, because what I found out while Googling you is really scary (male)

30 NEW!

There should be a Facebook relationship status for "occasional drunk sexting"

29 NEW!

Your livetweets of this date are almost as witty as mine

28 NEW!

You look like a guy who could stay in with a movie or go out and turn into a hot, ripped werewolf

27 NEW!

This Valentine's Day, let's pretend you forgot how to talk

26 NEW!

You smell like my mom's church perfume

25 NEW!

This expensive jewelry should convince you not to judge my misshapen genitals

24 NEW!

I can't wait to pretend your tramp stamp is Jessica Alba's face

22 NEW!

You make me want to poke holes in the condom (male)

23 NEW!

You make me want to poke holes in the condom (female)

20 NEW!

I was going to bring you candy but I don't think you really need it (male)

21 NEW!

I was going to bring you candy but I don't think you really need it (female)

19 NEW!

This Valentine's Day...I might be ready to settle for you

01 Sorry I stare at you in the elevator, but I'm trying to imagine our babies

02 Why don't we get your wife out of the picture

03 If I could talk to the opposite sex, I would probably tell you that you are pretty cute

04 You should probably ask me out because my Daddy is in the Mafia and he doesn't like it when I'm upset

05 If you won't be my Valentine I'll just go sleep with that other guy I call sometimes

06 I know I cheated on you but since I'm not dating anyone else yet do you still want to do it sometimes

07 I'm considering admitting to my friends that we're dating

08 Read into this gift of Febreze however you want

09 This Valentine's Day, I'll pretend to like your cat if you'll shut the hell up for a while 10 I think this is the year we're finally ready to see each other naked (for straight guys) 10Q I think this is the year we're finally ready to see each other naked (for gay guys) 11 I think this is the year we're finally ready to see each other naked (for straight ladies) 11Q I think this is the year we're finally ready to see each other naked (for queer ladies)

12 Dating you to piss off my parents turned out pretty o.k.

13 Are you into pain? Oh good, me neither

14 Stop Farting

15 Secretly I'm upset that you're not Edward from Twilight

16 Please never raise your self-esteem enough to leave me