The Lord has spoken: “Let this be a lesson for releasing Cats”.

After what has been quite the tumultuous year, humankind has finally received confirmation for why it has been such a disastrous year: the movie Cats. From bushfires to droughts, to floods and even NBA superstar Kobe Bryant passing away, the official cause of such events has been attributed the almighty punishing us for daring to release a movie He has dubbed “the worst film of all time”.

“I had no choice, it’s just horrible,” said God speaking through the voice of Pope Francis in the Vatican today. “I mean, when Jack & Jill came out, I caused a Global Financial Crisis and that looked like that did trick since no more crap was released.”

“But Jesus Christ, then I saw Cats. What happened?”

While many are angry at what’s occurring in 2020 thus far, especially with the Corona Virus pandemic causing incredible panic and disruptions across the world, a lot of people seem to understand the decision.

“Look, can you blame Him?” says one movie fan who recently tested positive for coronavirus. “We brought this upon ourselves and truthfully, at least it’s helping curb the damage we’re doing to global warming since no one is going out as much”.

“Maybe it’s a good thing?”.

God hasn’t provided any indication when he will call off the coronavirus pandemic but suggests it could be a couple more months.

“I’m thinking around June or July when the summer blockbusters will come out. After all, I do really want to see A Quiet Place 2.”

Will you keep you up to date as the story unfolds.

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