I don’t have an iPhone. I’m not connected with this company and I’m not making any money off of this.

But I find it terribly delightful that iPhone has a kinky app.

From their site:

Need to keep your minions in line? Have an unruly co-worker that you’ve always wanted to smack with a frying pan? Looking for something fun to break the ice and start a conversation? If so, iSpank is for you.

Whether at school, in the office or on the dance floor, there’s always a need for discipline – and iSpank puts the power in your hands. Use it as a prank or just to get a quick laugh. Choose from an array of spanking toys such as a paddle, a whip, a bottle – yes, even a chicken. Each toy makes its own funny noise sure to turn heads and grab attention.

To spank, simply swing the iPhone (or iPod Touch) towards your target and flick your wrist. Be sure to hold on – you may be laughing too hard to keep a good grip.

The Deluxe version includes the awesomely fun Spank-o-meter which measures the strength of your swing strongman style. Compare your swing with your friends. Who spanks the hardest? It’s loads of fun!

I was at a show on Friday and after playing catch up with some fellow pervs, I mentioned that I’d just found out about this app and wondered aloud if anyone had in iPhone so we could test it. Within minutes a woman behind me was cracking a virtual whip over my head and we passed it around, giggling like fucking maniacs at the little screenshots and envious that, as a member of the iLess unwashed hoi polloi, we couldn’t irritate friends and co-workers with this crazy fucking app.

But you can.

I’ll upgrade to an iPhone when they make an “Aftercare App” that brings me virtual chocolate and tells me what a good girl I am, and how beautiful is my agony.