Photo: va.gov

3. Documenting Weight Loss

After nude photos of Puerto Rican senator Roberto Arango showed up on the gay networking app Grindr, Arango explained, “You know I’ve been losing weight. As I shed that weight, I’ve been taking pictures.” Arango must have lost a lot of weight in his anus, because it’s featured in one of the photos.

Photo: towleraod.com

2. Black People

Florida state representative Bob Allen claimed that the only reason he agreed to blow an undercover cop and pay him $20 is because the cop was a “pretty stocky black guy, and there was nothing but other black guys around in the park” and Allen was afraid he “was about to be a statistic.” Apparently, being a horrible racist is way better than being gay.

1. Luggage Help

George Rekers, the vehemently anti-gay activist and co-founder of Family Research Council, insisted that he brought a male escort on his trip to Spain because he’d “had surgery” and couldn’t “lift luggage.” So he’d done what everyone looking for luggage help does — he went on rentboy.com and hired someone with a “perfectly built 8 inch cock.”