CINCINNATI, OH — Local resident Vernell Pacheco received a chilling surprise yesterday when it was revealed a food order which failed to arrive the night before was the work of a nebulous governmental entity known as the “Deep State”.

The 32-year-old dry cleaning technician says he originally chalked the missing delivery up to a software glitch, but began to suspect something far more sinister at work after placing a second order online. When his doorbell finally rang, instead of the entrée Pacheco had purchased from Veracruz Mexican Grill, the GrubHub delivery man handed him a 46-page dossier containing evidence of a sophisticated shadow government.

“I looked inside and sure enough, nestled between leaked State Department correspondence and CIA black site addresses was a request to cancel my pulled pork quesadilla,” explained Pacheco, who was forced to eat a dinner of canned tuna and rice crackers. “Knowing that an entrenched network of federal and military interests are undermining our country is one thing, but being forced to do carry out? That’s a real bummer.”

When asked how he became the target of a conspiratorial agenda, Pacheco just shrugged. “I don’t know how I got caught up in these nefarious machinations. All I know is GrubHub owes me some free churros.”