No one talks about miscarriage. It’s a revelation many people come to only after suffering such a loss. They realize most people are uncomfortable talking about it and may decide to keep the entire pregnancy and loss a secret, especially if they hadn’t announced the pregnancy yet. Miscarriage is a gray area of grief when it should be black and white. But the legalization of abortion has forced Americans to turn a blind eye to the loss of a child before birth because abortion tells us it wasn’t a baby at all.

This month, as parents share their stories of loss in honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, there’s an elephant in the room. Parents who have lost a child to miscarriage want their babies to be mourned. They want people to know that these children existed. But instead, they are often met with the cold reality that many people – including their own family and friends – don’t think they’ve lost anything at all. Becky Thompson, who wrote about her experience of miscarriage with the added pain of the hospital coding it as an elective abortion, knows what it feels like to have her preborn baby seemingly forgotten and her pain brushed under the rug. She explained:

When I lost my baby, I was surrounded by family and friends who knew that we were expecting and wanted to support us during our time of loss. […] But life just sort of… went on… […] There wasn’t a grave stone or a funeral or meals prepared for us for weeks. I wasn’t featured on the news or connected by the hospital to other mothers who had experienced the same heartache. I was sent home to continue to live like my baby had never died – like there never was a baby.

READ: How the stigma of miscarriage contributes to a culture of abortion

And that’s how society handles miscarriage. According to the teachings of the abortion industry, parents like Thompson lost nothing more than “pregnancy tissue.” But if we listen to groups like Planned Parenthood, that means the entire Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month is wasted effort. Women are mourning nothing and raising awareness for nothing. Parents sharing grief over the loss of their baby is unfounded, because they didn’t lose anyone.

Except they did.

But if society were to admit that these parents lost a real baby through miscarriage, then society would have to also admit that the women who terminate their pregnancies are intentionally killing their own real babies. Because science doesn’t allow us to have it both ways. If an eight-week-old embryo lost to miscarriage was a human being, then an eight-week-old baby killed through abortion was also a human being. And when we say that, then the women who have chosen abortion have to face the reality of that choice. They have to live with the fact that they chose death for their child and paid someone to carry out that killing.

So people don’t say anything. They dance around the elephant. They send “sad” emojis to the woman sharing their stories of loss while simultaneously cheering on the false “right to choose.” But it is impossible to acknowledge and support the grief and loss parents face after miscarriage without also acknowledging that this child’s life existed in the first place. And acknowledging the humanity of a miscarried child means we have to acknowledge the humanity of aborted children too.

As for those who would respond that parents mourning a miscarried child are simply mourning their desire for a child or the potential that was there for a child, that’s just abortion industry propaganda. These parents loved their baby from the moment they saw that positive pregnancy test or heard that baby’s heartbeat or saw their baby bouncing around on the ultrasound screen. Their baby was real. And alive.

Legalized abortion has demeaned preborn children. But it hasn’t just taken away the value of the lives of children inside the womb. It’s demeaned the value of every human being because it allows one person’s opinion to determine another human being’s value. When some of us are disposable, all of us are disposable.

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