The Video

My Commentary (Read this in Joel, Crow and Tom Servo’s voices)

0:16 – Gosh I love volkswagon’s. They look the same no matter the era.

0:27 – Frank Wise did the editing, I hope he was wise about he edited.

0:31 – Morris G. Rowley wrote this. His accomplishments include: Finishing Highschool. Serving a mission in the North West. Marrying a girl in 1939who waited for him after his mission. A teacher and principle. Interestingly enough he doesn’t seem to be a General Authority at all. He was a teacher who wrote a story and BYU decided to publish it. Adding the “G” initial to his name made him sound more official I guess.

0:34- Wetzel, dear Wetzel who produced Johny Lingo, Pioneers in Petticoats and “The windows of Heaven” known for his historical accuracy. I doubt I’d have this section on my blog if it wasn’t for his “insight” into filmmaking.

0:40 – This guy is so nervous it looks like he should be on “What to do on a date”.

0:49 – Handshake and inspection of the young man, leading to the interrogation.

1:24 – Do I know your father”, the beginning of a perfect “I did your mom” joke if ever I heard one.

1:30 – “What does he do in the church” ah yes, must be a member and an active one. This is a byu production after all.

1:43 – The eight cow potential wife is on set!

1:48 – Your daddy kept me Sooo entertained…

1:56 – Wait, is this to get us to expect every father to be like a District Attorney. If this guy is a special case, were we just illustrating he was being a dick to her dates? I’m confused.

2:06 – He want’s the boy’s number so he can “entertain” him again after the date.

2:16 – ETA is 22:00 hours sir, assuming mission is accomplished in 5 minutes or less after parking, sir!

2:25 – Goodnight, go to bed, you’re never seeing your little girl again!

2:35 – Wait, he’s the new move in and they hold hands as soon as they are out of sight of the father, she’s a quick mover!

2:40 – Woah, Bill, dude, on camera in that outfit, no!

2:42 – “All kinds of fun” Nudge nudge wink wink.

2:49 – And just like a library book you returned her slightly used, and with her pages ruffled, didn’t you, you dog!

2:55 – “.. on the porch for her” which is why we made out long before I took her up the drive.

3:10 – Notice that BYU is not an option he is considering. Even LDS kids know that real education comes from eastern universities.

3:30 – College decisions should be set by pretty girls at home.

3:38 – is that a soda or a beer? The way he says “Get a job” makes me think “beer”.

3:43 – Yes, mom and dad ain’t paying for ya!

3:55 – Eastern girls are dragons! ohhh, what a dis!

4:00 – cut to dragon-women at eastern apparently. Also, Dragons have LOTS of hair

4:12 – Pay attention in class, naw; letter writing time! Reminds me of the MTC the way he hides his writing.

4:35 – Sociology and evolution. SOCIALIST PROFESSOR! DANGER BILL ROBINSON DANGER!

4:50 – He left the mormon bubble; he’s so dead. SO DEAD!

5:00 – Only mormon. Has to defend it, and goes straight to persecuted by people being incredulous. No specifics, mind you, but let’s assume they’re talking about why black men can’t hold the priesthood and are lesser because of skin color.

5:30 – He says “Phenomenon” like Richard Dawkins. Ah yes, it’s the MISSION they can’t believe. What a zany belief to argue over, not say, throwing javalin’s through adulterers, or polygamy.

5:35 – So many straw men, the crows will never land. Missionaries AND diet… preposterous.

6:06 – “pleasures of food and drink” that’s great screenwriting right there. What all the kids say those days.

6:15 – Other religions are included, ince.

6:30 – Possible the church will modify its stand… to bad these are straw men or they might mention other positions the church has altered, or other religions that have altered. Ya know, give some reasoning.

6:35- Blame the group for why you are uninformed, sure, not your leaders who after years of teaching you didn’t cover the basics.

6:50 – Scowl to not being sure about the church

7:00 – Obligatory prayer in school! (institute) Missionary effort for every LDS child

7:18- After school with the institute teacher… cue the guitar.

7:29 – being unsure about the church = personality change

7:46 – The answer to all problems, interrogation.

8:00 – No institute, no clubs, no way to extend the bubble. TROUBLE!

8:30 – Questioning bad, turning in your peer for having doubts to leadership, good!

8:44- Women in aprons, men tasting, how the church was meant to be.

9:08- Everything is decided by Football. This is no way a discussion of BYU (state) vs. U of U by the way, it just sounds that way.

9:28 – Tickets to the game, but instead, parking. Smooth!

9:35 – Take that old man and your losing football team.

10:20 – “Will you marry me?”

10:50 – Ask Daddy … you have to marry him too!

11:00 – Married the same day as we go to the temple… did you hear that. It was only back to when this film was made that people were married civilly before a temple wedding. Commonly on different days.

11:05 – Tis a silly place of masonic symbols and penalties, they’ve hidden from you.

11:20 – Answers BEFORE the temple, crazy talk!

11:25 – Stop repeating me

11:40 – The cult told me temple first, questions later. It’s so hard to decide.

11:56 – Love me and have questions… preposterous!

12:00 – That’s right, do not marry someone who thinks. #notACult

12:05 – She’s trying to fix you. RUN BILL, RUN!

12:15 – Yes, go to a man he’s never met before, for advice. He is totally irrational for turning that idea down.

12:35 – Your strange man, you’ve told me about before is so WRONG when the man I’ve never told you about is so RIGHT!

12:45 – “{Self-reliant” thrown back in his face, that’ll show him, thinking for himself instead of depending on the organization. #notACult

13:00 – I’m ready for my close up

13:20 – He goes to someone to ask questions. Good on Bill. Pity we don’t see the discussion club influencing him on asking questions is a good thing. Or “hearing both sides”

14:00 – Institute teachers never go home

14:20 – “I heartily recommend the institution” is a quote by Wilford Woodruff, who, incidentally had 7 wives. You can hear this quote in “Mountain of the Lord”

15:00 – Nothing wrong with Good Honest Doubt. Bravo!

15:05 – “Period of doubting” ah yes, it’s something you grow out of. *sigh*

15:15 – “Are you attending your meetings” because that would help doubt… or not.

15:30 – Baptism covenant guilt trip! You were a whole 8 years old, why don’t you keep what you agreed to when 8, like that you’d always watch cartoons your whole life?! #notACult

16:00 – only go to school within our reach

16:15 – It’s YOUR fault you don’t want to go to the temple.

16:28 – Clint eastwood eyes… GO TO YOUR BISHOP.

16:35 – Wait, he asked no questions and got no answers. No one is going to actually help resolve concerns?

17:00 – Pajamas matter

17:30 – 6:30 and she’s dressed like that already. Woah!

17:45 – Elopement wins! Just like Joseph and Emma, ignore your father’s religious beliefs and get hitched!

17:50 – God told her it will be fine. It’s a church that says you can get truth claims resolved by prayer. No problem, right?

18:00 – Dig that car. This is my mother and father’s era

18:18 – Isn’t he cute, folks? Did he just make an “L” on his forehead?

19:00 – Elopement via Mormon bishop… totally allowed in the day

19:45 – No promises until sure… so crazy.

19:55 – Love = TEMPLE, #notACult

20:00 – Any other kind of marriage should be farthest thing… and he stands up for his bride and his decision. Well done.

20:20 – Mormon bishop > other marriage forms because?

20:45 – Fighting comes from questions and doubts. Remember that kids.

21:00 – Do you think this is what Emma said to Joseph?

21:30 – Seatbelts, foiling God’s plan for punishing kids who ask questions since they were required by law

22:00 – yes, Death is an appropriate end to those who don’t follow the church. #notACult

23:00 – Spooky mormon hell dream inducing weirdness.

23:05 – NO walk into the LIGHT!

23:15 – See mormons are inconsiderate to the non-believer even in death. She doesn’t even say goodbye, or talk to him as he cries out.

23:30 – Hell is slow motion and 70’s lighting

23:40 – you know it was good writting when the twist at the end is “it was all a dream”.

24:20 – Hello, Nancy, I had a dream I did your mother last night, as well as that we should go to the temple. I always trust my dreams so come right over… and bring your mom.

24:35 – Whine over technology- the telephone, no fucks given.

24:50 – Something is wrong with him. he’s about to give up free thought in order to promise everything he will ever have to the organization under threat that his tongue might be ripped out and his bowels split if he ever talks about it, because he had a guilt dream.

25:18 – Was it like an erection?

25:30 – “I’ve been wrong”, because that’s the point of this little moral tale after all.

26:00 – At least he’ll get honest answers from the bishop, because they’re trained to have answers to hard questions right? RIGHT? That’s not going to backfire.

26:21 – A mormon film that ends with making out on the couch, and then they decided a shotgun wedding would be better than a temple wedding, and 8 1/2 months later Little Johnny was born, and That’s How I Met Your Mother.

Closing note: Notice there is NO discussion of a mission. This is my parent’s generation. It’s been that short of time that the entire organization has swapped to putting such peer pressure on young men that this girl would be seen as almost inactive for not demanding that he serve a mission before getting married today. This is the power of correlation.

The End