Hi Captain!

So… how do you quit something you’ve been a part of for a long time?

I’m currently in a long running dungeons and dragons campaign. We’ve been going now for a year and a half and I want out. Ultimately, I’m a different person than I was when the campaign started, and I just don’t enjoy DnD as much as I used to, especially the 4+ hour night sessions that tend to happen in this group. It’s just not for me.

Although my fellow adventurers are lovely, I’m not really friends with the other people in this group outside the campaign. However, we’ve been at this for a year and a half, so I don’t really know how to… broach the subject after all this time, I guess? I don’t know, the sunk cost fallacy is strong here. I want out and I don’t know the best way to get out.

Help!

Dungeons and Dragging my Feet

Hello! It is okay to quit things!

First, take stock: Are there any people in the group you might like to hang out with solo or remix into your other social circles eventually? Double check and make sure you have a way to get in touch with them and vice versa.

Second: What would you like to happen to your character? Would you like to play one last time and die spectacularly and let everyone divide up your loot? Would you like to quietly slip away and deed the group your character so they can keep playing if they want to? It’s totally up to you.

Third: Send a nice email that says you’ve really enjoyed adventuring with everyone so far but you’ve come to the end of wanting to play, so [next session will be your last][you won’t be at the next session] and [the group should do x with your character]. If you’d like to stay generally connected, let people who may want to get in touch with you for other hangouts know that your best contact info is _____. Say “thanks again for the great time” and wish everyone a happy holiday season and 2020.

It is totally up to you whether you go to one last session or not, it can be a very fun way to put things to rest but don’t give into pressure to go if you don’t want to, especially if you think they group will just use the time to try to convince you to stay. If you skip it, the good news is that to play D & D is to always be “in the middle” of a thing, and after all this time someone else in the group is likely perfectly capable of temporarily piloting your character through smashing or healing whatever is in front of them at this time.

Also, you don’t have to *ever* give reasons beyond, “I enjoyed it so much but I think I’m ready to stop and do something else, so I wanted to let you all know.” I would counsel against doing any kind of exit interview critique of what wasn’t working for you about the game anymore especially since you know you are done; you don’t want that awkward thing to happen where they promise to change everything you want and then you feel obligated continue. Investing energy in critique is for ongoing relationships. You’re done! Be done.

Generally speaking, this is an excellent time of year to quit things that aren’t working for you anymore. The blog theme of 2019 was “Do less work.” This is your fun time, you can definitely stop working at it.

(I don’t know what 2020 will be, possibly I will find a snappy way of saying “Do even less work than that.”)