On April 4th, 2013, NBC premiered the first episode of “Hannibal“, the Bryan Fuller developed series based on characters created by Thomas Harris in his novels “Red Dragon”, “The Silence of the Lambs”, and “Hannibal”. Starring Mads Mikkelsen (Casino Royale, Valhalla Rising, Clash of the Titans) in the title role, the series followed FBI special investigator Will Graham (Hugh Dancy) as an empath who has the ability to investigate and understand crime scenes, and criminals, in startling, almost eerie ways.

I don’t have cable or basic TV channels. I haven’t had them for well over 20 years. When I moved into my own place and ordered internet, Comcast asked if I wanted TV, something I explicitly turned down. To this day, I still get calls asking if I want to upgrade my account to include even the most basic package, which, ridiculously, has something like 100+ channels. For those of you who have cable, that might seem like nothing. For me, that seems unnecessary. I remember as a child having 60-ish channels and that’s it.

I bring this up because “Hannibal” was the first show to make me seriously consider upping my package so that I could watch it as it aired. Something about it just drew me in, almost hypnotizing me with its gorgeous visuals and brilliantly built characters. It was a show where I would seek a fix once an episode ended because I wasn’t ready for it to be over. I needed more but had to be patient, much like Hannibal and how he was ever vigilant in selecting and ultimately dispatching his victims.

I miss “Hannibal”, which, as I’ve mentioned previously, “…was a gift from above for horror fans.” It featured some of the most gruesome and horrifying scenes I’ve ever witnessed, such as Hannibal making Dr. Abel Gideon (Eddie Izzard) eat his own leg or the people buried alive to act as fertilizer for fungi in “Amuse-Bouche”. Every episode expertly crafted a narrative around the crimes that delved further into the minds of each character, their own psyches the truly fascinating aspect of the series. For every moment we saw something nauseating, there was far more time dedicated to the haunting impact and toll these events had on those around them. Graham was breaking more and more with every episode, Alana Bloom (Caroline Dhavernas) desperate to come to his aid, Jack Crawford (Laurence Fishburne) demanding control from his employees while desperately spiraling out of control with his wife and her illness. Hovering over them all, controlling them like a marionettist, was Hannibal, making them all dance on strings of his own weaving, his cold calculations deeply, intricately, and terrifyingly constructed.

As the show progressed, we only saw these relationships intertwine themselves further, becoming a web of distrust, suspicion, and unknowing betrayal, all according to Hannibal’s conniving plans. It’s only because of Hannibal’s affection for Will, and what he could potentially become, that the threads expose themselves, able to be pulled, unravelling the entire picture. It is because of this magnificent arrangement that the story was so enthralling. With every new revelation, with each new episode, the story moved forward and it felt meaningful, unlike shows where we have exciting premieres and finales but the middle feels lackluster. “Hannibal” was, in my opinion, a show that constantly progressed and evolved.

I miss the music, composed by Brian Reitzell. Yes, I can pop on my records anytime I wish or I can stream the soundtrack if I’m feeling lazy. But there was something delicious about hearing new music every episode that felt so disjointed and unsettling. It was dissonance of the purest form, the kind that mimics the tension on the screen as each layer of mystery is either added or unveiled, both fitting perfectly yet still feeling wrong and unwelcome. With a show so focused on intellectualism, introspection, and complex psychological patterns, there needed to be a soundtrack that aimed for those lofty heights. Reitzell met those heights and conquered them, week after week.

I miss the visuals, wonderfully brought to the screen by the directors and the show’s primary cinematographer James Hawkinson. Even in the first five minutes of the first episode, I knew that this was going to be a beautiful show and it never failed in that department. Every scene oozed beauty, even amidst the viscera. Splashes of blood arced gracefully through the air, bodies faded into nature, becoming one with the world around them, and even the food, which we knew was tainted and taboo, looked macabrely delicious. Some victims were transformed into angels, their majesty and horror vying for equal attention, while others were arranged in a gigantic eye, aimed to see a reflection that can’t possible be there.

I mourn the loss of a show that never hid from its horror foundation. Rather, it embraced it and aimed to elevate itself above all associated stigmas and preconceptions. It knew that horror could be smart, so it went there. It knew that horror could push boundaries, which it did. It knew that horror didn’t care about who or what you are, so everything was fair game. Being a witness to the craftsmanship behind “Hannibal” felt truly special as a horror fan. Rarely do we get something that looks and sounds so wonderful, that has such care and devotion given to every minute detail.

I could talk endlessly about my love of this series, but I feel that I need to come to an end and not overstay my welcome. So, to cap this off, I send these messages: To Bryan Fuller, thank you for developing “Hannibal”. To the cast and crew, thank you for bringing these characters and this story to life. To NBC, thank you for taking a chance and giving the show three seasons. To the fans of the series who so ardently and adamantly refuse to let go, thank you for your passion.

To “Hannibal” itself, thank you, I miss you, and I hope that one day we’ll see you again. Maybe for dinner?