1. Can you walk me through the typical day to day?

Show them you give a hoot by feigning interest in whatever soul-crushing mundanity they subject themselves to on a day to day basis. Your interviewer will be impressed with your mental fortitude.

2. Is this office baby-proofed?

Everyone loves babies, especially hiring managers. This inquiry will show interviewers that you’re fully committed to making them part of your family, who will undoubtedly be hanging around the office.

3. Will I be drug tested?

This question shows your interviewer that you plan ahead. They’ll also appreciate your honesty as you go into detail about the drugs you choose to ingest, even though what you do in your private time has little to no bearing on your work performance.

4. How many times a day is it appropriate to use the restroom?

They’re gonna find out one way or another, you might as well be up front about your digestional issues. Clear the air (before you fill it with farts) by getting a hard limit of how many times it’s okay to use the restroom.

5. Can you show me who the hottest person in the office is?

Hiring managers will appreciate the fact that you’re a go-getter who’s single and ready to mingle. Besides, you don’t want to be working in an office full of uggos!

Too often do hiring managers fail to disclose beekeeping duties as part of the job.

6. Am I going to have to work with bees?

Many times, hiring managers fail to be completely honest about what the position you’re interviewing for actually entails. Don’t get caught in a job you don’t like or aren’t equipped to handle by making sure you don’t have to work with bees.

7. Do you mind if I smoke in here?

Hiring managers want cool people for the positions they’re trying to fill. Whether or not they say yes, go ahead and spark up a cigarette anyways. Not only will you look cool as hell, but you’ll show them you’re a badass who doesn’t play by the rules.

8. Are you a cop? Before you answer, you’re legally required to tell me if you are.

Don’t let your interviewers trick you into violating your constitutional right to remain silent during questioning without the presence of your lawyer.

9. Do you think 9/11 was an inside job?

It’s important to work for a company where your values line up with the corporate culture. Make sure that you and the hiring manager are on the same page regarding the far-reaching conspiracy regarding the worst attack on American soil since Pearl Harbor and its connection to reptilian aliens.

10. Seriously, though, am I going to have to work with bees?

It never hurts to double check.