As we all know THE HUNGER GAMES made somewhere in the region of a bazillion dollars at the box-office recently, and director Gary Ross has seemingly let this fact go to his head if a report over at THR is to be believed. Allegedly, (that’s the coverall term people use when they don’t want to get sued right?), Mr. Ross is playing some serious hardball with Lionsgate, and they’re going to have to up his salary considerably if they want him to helm sequel CATCHING FIRE.

Yeah, we laughed too.

Our advice to Lionsgate? Politely pass on his demands. He ain’t worth it. The guy only made two films before this - and it shows! Ok, so he wrote BIG, he gets a pass there I suppose, but c’mon – SEABISCUIT? PLEASANTVILLE? We’re not exactly taking auteur here. We’ve knocked up some copy for a Want Ad, feel free to use it.

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Wanted: Filmmaker To Direct CATCHING FIRE (that’s THE HUNGER GAMES 2 for those who haven’t read the books)

Candidates must:

…have a sense of pacing.

…know how to compose at least one interesting looking shot over the course of a 142minute feature.

…be able to hold the camera still for longer than two seconds

…be able to tell when something is way too frickin’ dark, so much so you can’t see what any of the characters are even doing.

…know when he/she is shooting something that looks completely and utterly absurd, but isn’t meant to induce chuckles amongst even the diehard-est of fans. See Peeta’s rock disguise. Peeta’s feats of strength. Those rubbish dogs.

…be able to distinguish between TV movie quality, and what’s acceptable in a feature film that costs $78m to get up on screen.

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THE HUNGER GAMES’ massive box office take was down to the source material’s built-in fanbase and an unquestionably intriguing central story. It succeeded despite him, not because of him. To demand more having delivered so little is a pretty outrageous call on Ross’s part. If he doesn’t want to do it, don’t do it. We’re sure there are hundreds of less workmanlike, infinitely more skillful directors that would bring CATCHING FIRE in for a fraction of Ross’s fee. Do yourselves a favour, Lionsgate – give someone else a shot. They might just save this film franchise from further mediocrity.

CATCHING FIRE opens in cinemas November 22nd 2013.

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