UNIQUE. I can’t think of a better word to describe the AFL to people from back home who have never seen the game, or experienced the roar of the ‘mighty MCG.’

It’s easy to tell them about the big hits, marks and goals, but when it comes to some of the individual nuances, that is where the questions really flood in.

There are some things that don’t need explaining but as for ‘finger pistols’, little men running around in hot pink outfits and some quirky moments in the VFL — even I still struggle to wrap my head around them.

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THE UMPIRES

In a sense, they are kind of like Collingwood supporters. Everyone loves to hate them.

Whether it is screaming ‘BALL!’ or players and supporters looking around dumbfounded after 50 metre penalties, I can’t remember the last time everyone agreed on an umpire’s call.

But having not grown up with Aussie Rules, there have been moments where I have had that same baffled look on my face.

Early in my career it was the paying of free kicks. They point in the opposite direction to every other sport in the world! I can’t tell you how many times I have completely run the wrong way screaming for the pill thinking it is our ball.

media_camera So pointing the opposite way is actually our free kick, right? Picture: Michael Klein

However that’s nothing compared to the first time I saw an umpire launch a throw in facing the opposite direction. I couldn’t help but scratch my head.

Each umpire has a unique way of doing it and in my opinion, the more theatrical the better!

It probably goes without explanation but centre bounces are easily another one of these head scratching circumstances.

I must also ask, what is with the finger pistols after goals? Surely there is a good story behind that and I want to hear it.

THE ‘HOT PINK’ RUNNERS

OK so you’re telling me that those little men running around in hot pink outfits give messages to players during games and sometimes run longer distances than the teams themselves? Where do I even start with this one?

That was one of the most noticeable goofy things of my first AFL experience.

My first ever organised game of footy was a practice match among ourselves. The intra-club ritual, as I now know it. The black team had just kicked a goal and Chris Howley, a high performance manager at the club, came to me and delivered a message straight from Bucks.

I looked at him perplexed, not only at how bright his shirt was, but also as to why the heck he was on the ground telling me messages from the head coach?!

I had totally forgotten runners existed and haven’t lived that down to this day.

media_camera It’s a lot easier when the messages come from Bucks. Picture: Colleen Petch

WHAT’S WITH THE 90S PHONE?

I’ll be honest, I find this whole process a tad funny.

So the coach sees a player out of the team structure and my old friend the runner tells him to go to the bench. He then calls him on a telephone, which for some reason is from the 1990s, and proceeds to scream at him through the thing.

Then, once he’s done, he smashes the phone until it no longer works.

What did the phone ever do to you?

media_camera Seriously, how old is that phone?!

PRE/POST GAME CELEBRATIONS

Fun fact: Collingwood was the first side to have a team song and just like many other team songs, the music actually originated from guess where?

That’s right, the good ole US of A. Every time I sing it I have a grin about that one.

Where else in the world though do grown men sing whimsical tunes in a circle after a victory while showering first win teammates in sports drink? Nowhere, that’s where!

I didn’t quite understand the tradition but after my first win in the black and white I have to say it is one of my fondest memories.

Well that and jumper presentations before first games.

It is not unusual in Commonwealth sports but it was a first for me with the speech and presentation of a jumper representing a sort of ‘justification’ for your hard work.

When I received mine it was extra special because it wasn’t a captain or leader but a good friend that had been there since day one and taken me in as one of his own, Darcy Moore.

media_camera I’m under there somewhere. Picture: George Salpigtidis

Not only did he present my jumper but also was the person who kicked to me to join the, ‘First-Kick, First Goal Club’. Something he continually reminds me of to this day.

THE VFL

I think at some point in their career, everyone should play in the twos, just to experience what I consider ‘the original football.’

It is a place full of cold “tinnies”, wooden benches, small cramped change rooms and who can forget the essential microwaved meat pies.

And when you’re playing in the VFL, never underestimate just how close the fans, and in some cases animals, can get to you.

In my first game I remember going out for a warm up and after a few sprints looking to my left to see someone waiting for their dog to finish defecating within 30 metres of me. The field is a public park so I guess, anything goes?

media_camera Everyone should have a crack at the VFL. Picture: Hamish Blair

There is just something intangible about the atmosphere and what the people bring to VFL and local footy that is contagious.

Overall a lot of these things are just normal for most Australians. Over the years I have conditioned myself to not think twice about many of them, but when someone who has never seen the game before questions these things, I can’t help but smile and say, “footy is just unique.”

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