NEW YORK—Following an evening of heavy drinking at local bar McGuire’s Tavern, 32-year-old Peter Larsen reportedly awoke with a hangover Wednesday and was horrified to discover he had made dozens of plans the previous night. “Oh, God, I can’t believe I said I’d get lunch with Emily and told Scott that I’d hang out next weekend,” said Larsen, rubbing his temples and lamenting that he never should have let himself get so out of control and recklessly commit to numerous social obligations. “I just hope I didn’t say anything stupid to someone from work about how I’d love to catch the new Fantastic Four with them when it comes out. It’s bad enough that I kept going on and on to Jeff about going on a camping trip together in August.” At press time, Larsen had reportedly resolved that in the future, he would stop drinking as soon as he noticed himself beginning to talk loudly about going in together on a beach house rental on Long Island.

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