Onko Enterprises asks you

It has been of a hundred years since the last documented zombie attack in the continental United States. This uneasy peace with the dead, however, cannot last forever.

Are you prepared for the inevitable???

Consider these sobering facts

Ninety-five percent of Americans live within two miles of a cemetery or mortuary.

Most Americans use and value their brains -- the natural food of zombies.

Ninety percent of zombie related fatalities occur in the home.

The only proven defense against zombie attack is an effective early warning system. The sad fact is that in this modern world no home is safe. However, when survival is a matter of a few minutes warning no family can afford to be without

Zombie Alert, by Onko, is the world leader in zombie warning systems. The patented cyclo-kinetic energy radiation server senses zombie presence up to seventeen hundred yards away and emits a shrill warning capable of waking the most sound sleeper. The links below contain the details about Zombie Alert and other products by Onko Enterprises. You owe it to your loved ones to take a few minutes and review this important information.

This page web page brought to you by Onko, home of the

$1,000,000 guarantee

Should Zombie Alert fail to operate in a documented Zombie attack Onko Enterprises will pay the above sum to the owner of the failed product. [This bit of humor brought to you by Loris Productions. All claims about Zombie Alert are false, provided for your entertainment, and nothing is actually offered for sale.]

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