WHY COLORADO LOST TWO DEMOCRATIC STATE SENATORS (GODDAMNIT!)

September 11, 2013

by Shiz

1. People are fucking lazy, but anger is a fantastic motivator. The majority of people who showed up at the polls yesterday were pissed off about the recently passed legislation regulating ammunition and requiring background checks.

2. A dumbass judge ruled in August that no mail-in ballots were allowed for this election. I hear this is commonly referred to as "voter suppression" and, since Colorado also recently passed a law mandating that all elections be held by mail-in ballot (ironically spearheaded by Angela Giron), the dumbass judge did not care. Democrats overwhelming vote by mail-in ballot, fer chrissakes, and since Democrats were not at all upset by the recent gun reg laws, they stayed home and ate Cheetos. See #1.

3. Massive confusion, Holmes. Because of the new mail-in ballot law, voters in El Paso and Pueblo counties erroneously thought they would be receiving their ballots by (duh) mail. Nobody understood what the fucking rules were, not even one of the county commissioners. Nice. Very classy.

4. The wording of the recall for John Morse and Angela Giron was absolutely atrocious. It said that the two lawmakers were "guilty of contempt for the constitutional liberty of the people". This is Colorado, goddamnit, but when it comes to gun rights here, it might as well be Kentucky. You vomit up wording like "contempt" for anything to do with either the state or federal constitutions and people here are gonna be all up in arms. No pun intended, actually.

5. Outside influence getting involved in Colorado politics just fucking sucks. Not that it rocks anywhere, really, but this seems to be especially insulting for a very independent, conspiracy theorist state like Colorado. If you are Michael Bloomberg or Kirsten Gillibrand or Eli Broad, we do not want your fucking money. The Republicans can take any dough they want, see, from the likes of the Koch Brothers, because they are hypocritical douchebags, but not the Democrats. Democrats are held to a higher standard, and that is because Republicans will use any outside money against them, to full effect. And they did.

6-9. I don't know, I can't think anymore. My head hurts because I haven't eaten yet today. It's also hard to explain to people outside Colorado that if you mess with the cowboy spirit that still exists in this state, they be comin' to git ya. It's like a fucking John Wayne western movie over here sometimes.

10. The blasted NRA. They have more money and influence than God.