Society dictates cheating to be a betrayal — the worst thing you can possibly do to your partner. Well I’ve cheated and I’m not ashamed of it.

For once, I wanted to take control of my feelings and demonstrate I had the power to hurt him just as badly as he hurt me — if not, worse.

My cheating was more for self satisfaction than anything, but I didn’t care, because for the first time I was going to be selfish. Sleeping with someone else was my way of acting out of anger, yet there were legitimate reasons it felt right to satisfy myself.

I no longer had an intimate connection with my boyfriend just because of how disgusted I was by his ongoing negative behavior. Also, after being disrespected by him numerous times by entertaining other girls and not feeling wanted, it was flattering to receive that attention from someone else.

I also wanted a some sort of revenge, whether he was to find out or not.

I was dating an older guy and during our relationship, he tried to shape me into someone I didn’t want to become. He changed my whole wardrobe, the way I spoke, how I ate, even choosing who I should be friends with.

I had no interest in working things out with my boyfriend but felt forced to remain in our relationship.

I knew what I had to do and I decided to take a risk that many shame others for doing–I cheated on him.

How did I cheat?

Well, I first exchanged phone numbers with a guy and eventually things got hotter between us, and then . . . it happened.

Without a doubt I felt horrible inside since technically I was still considered to be in a relationship. Due to my guilty conscience, I stopped being sexually active with my boyfriend for months until he discovered I had slept with someone else. Things obviously didn’t end on good terms, but I never felt so relieved when we were officially no longer an “item.”

My intention was not to hurt him, but to prove that I was absolutely done.

I decided to date again after high school and give this whole relationship thing another chance. This time around was a complete 180 from what I was used to, and I dated this guy who I thought was the one. We were so in love I practically felt I was married to this man. Until one day, I had a sense, something felt entirely different.

He had texted me while I was studying at home and his iCloud email popped up instead of his phone number. I found it odd since this email was not familiar to me, but something told me to check and see if I could log onto his Facebook account with it. After the first attempt, access was granted. I felt like a crazy girlfriend at this point, but the negative vibes I had were nerve wracking and I needed to know what was happening.

I went straight for the direct messages, and that is when my heart began to sink.

He had sent messages to several girls at that very moment, and these messages were beyond a friendly “hello.”

Here he was reminiscing past flings and exchanging explicit photos with multiple girls. Witnessing these messages myself was taunting. I felt so hurt and betrayed. Unfortunately, leaving him was not that easy.

I felt obligated to stay with him until I could figure out how to end it. After I gave my all to a guy who I thought was worth it, I was repaid with disloyalty and disrespect — this only lead me to feel mischievous.

I no longer viewed him the same, and my emotions toward him became cold. I felt embarrassed by the man I loved and I couldn’t grasp why he was seeking attention elsewhere. I even started to question my self-worth — was I not satisfying in bed? Am I not attractive to him anymore? This made me feel very insecure as a woman- just when I thought our bond was unbreakable.

With time, I snapped out of overthinking negatively about myself and started to embrace the positives. I am young and ambitious, I was the first in my family to earn an associates degree, drove my own car and provided for myself (and for him to an extent). I had even agreed to stay in my home town and commute back and forth to college in another city just to compromise on his needs. But then I thought, why am I doing all this extra shit for a ‘man’ who does not deserve me? That is when I decided to move on.

There was this guy who would always compliment me and gave me his undivided attention when I was around him. I never gave him the time of day only because I was in a committed relationship. Until one evening, I had visited my best friend at her university and he was there. We all pre-gamed at her dorm and went to a party that was held on campus. Since I was in a free spirited mood, I made the first move with no hesitation and kissed him. We wound up hooking up, and I enjoyed every moment of it.

And as young as I was and still am, I have always been in long term relationships. I never got to experience dating other men, so being new to this scandalous action became a thrill to me. I continued to see this guy throughout my relationship with my ‘boyfriend’ until I had the opportunity to leave him.

Of course rumors started to linger and I was considered as a cheater. I’ve been called all the names in the book, but I am one who doesn’t give a fuck.

I was the one who was miserable and was the victim of my exes’ deceiving actions. I had my own reasoning behind my unfaithfulness, and I was satisfied for once after constantly being mistreated by boyfriends. In a weird way, cheating made me a stronger woman. I took charge of my feelings and didn’t let a man tell me what to do. I understand being unfaithful isn’t always right, but I wasn’t in healthy relationships where I felt free to be me and to be trusted.

Let’s be clear, I do not encourage cheating, it is one’s own decision.

But as for my circumstances I decided to cheat, and I can honestly say I do not regret a damn thing.