discount-supervillain:

Connie as Tiger Millionaire’s new partner, CEOcelot



Gaoward: Evening, sports fans. I’m Gaoward Nosell with Hik Snare, and welcome to the final round of the Beach City Brawlapalooza!

Hik: Try saying that 50 times fast. Woo!

Gaoward: I’d rather not, Hik. If I pass out from the lack of oxygen, I may deprive myself of watching returning Beach City Brawliator, Tiger Millionaire and his mysterious new partner, CEOcelot go up against his former teammate, Purple Puma and her new battle beau, Ring O’ Doom!

Hik: Yow! Look at all that beef! Heard Tiger used to be a midget when he started out. He must’ve downed at least a thousand bottles of Cherifer.

Puma: (taking the mic) TIGER! YOU BACKSTABBING ROCKBITE! I hope your teeth are ready to swim in your mouth, because me and my NEW partner are going to knock ‘em all loose!

Tiger: That’s a…little extreme don’t you think?

Puma: I would’ve taken a body slam for you, bro. But you betrayed me. Now you and that arm candy floozy of yours have gotta pay the price. I’m bankrupting your merger!

CEOcelot: Oh yeah? Well…well your pecs are saggy!

(crowd oooooooooooooos)



Gaoward: Mommy just slapped other mommy at the dinner table!

Hik: Startin’ with the low blow. She’s an executive all right.

RING!

Gaoward: And it begins! Puma and Tiger are going at it. That’s some pretty intense grappling. Neither of them are giving the other any slack.

Hik: It’s an all right start, Gaoward, but I’m looking forward to the later part of this match. These two are infamous for being some of the most devious and underhanded heels in the business. I can’t wait to see what tricks they try to pull on one anothe-

WHAM!

Hik: Holy snot! Ring O’ Doom just knocked out the referee with a steel folding chair!

Gaoward: Huh, I wonder where he got that. It’s all just bleachers here.

WHAM!

Gaoward: Sweet mother of pearl! He just smashed it over the Purple Puma’s head

Hik: She’s wavering. She’s waning. Oh! And she’s down!

Gaoward: O’ Doom’s got his right arm stretched out to Tiger. I think he wants to shake hands. A truce? An alliance? Whatever this is, Tiger’s taking it.

Hik: Hey, what’s that in his left hand.

PSSSSST!

Tiger: AUGH!!!! MY EYES OF THE TIGER!!!

Gaoward: O'Doom just maced Tiger Millionaire right in the face!

Hik: This dude is really good at being a bad guy.

WHAM!

Gaoward: And there’s the chair again! Tiger! Tiger! Tiger! Knocked out cold!

Hik: So much for his fearful symmetry and 401k.

Gaoward: This is happening so fast, Hik. I’m not sure I can take it!

Hik: Gaoward. As I always say, if you don’t like it, learn to love it.

Gaoward: CEOcelot’s finally entered the fray and she’s looking to avenge her downed companion.

CEOcelot: Get ready to get downsized…in YOUR FACE!

Hik: Look at the murder in her eyes. Wooo! Kitten’s got claws!

Gaoward: Financial clause to be exact. Take note of her stance. I think we’re about to see her perform her patented Market Downturn Dropkick on the Ring O’ Doom.

Hik: A kick from legs that toned and thick. Can’t think of a better way to go myself.

Gaoward: She’s off! O’ Doom’s not even trying to dodge! It’s happening! It’s happeni-!

????: COOOOOOOOOOONNIEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Hik: Who the hel-?!

????: Language!

Hik: Sorry, m'am.

CEOcelot: M-mom?

Mrs. Mahaswaran: Connie, you come down from that wrestling ring this instant!

CEOcelot: Mom! I’m 26 years old! I have my own life now! I can wrestle who I like!

Mrs. Mahaswaran: Down. NOW!

Gaoward: There she goes. Head hung low. Tail between her legs. What a way to lose a match.

Hik: Mom’s kind of hot though.

Gaoward: Never mind that, Hik. Look at O'Doom! He’s flaunting a phone in CEOcelot’s direction. Now he’s dialing something in and.

RING! RING! RING!

Mrs. Mahaswaran: (picks up her phone) Hello?

Hik: He called CEOcelot’s mom on her? I can’t-I can’t even-that’s rock n’ roll right there. That is rock n’ roll!

Gaoward: If I didn’t have a commentary quota to meet, I’d be absolutely speechless right now,

Hik: Whoah, Tiger’s starting to stir. Comeback?

Gaoward: Doubtful. He can’t even stand up.

Tiger: O-onion…why?

Ring O’ Doom: (smiles)

WHAM!

Gaoward: Double tap. Classy.

Hik: Woo! I guess this makes Ring O’ Doom the first SINGULAR winner of the Beach City Brawlapalooza Tag Team Tourney. Now that is how you make history.

Gaoward: With concealed weaponry, betrayal, and other forms of outright underhandedness?

Hik: It’s how I would’ve done it.

Gaoward: I’m sure it is, Hik. I’m sure it is.

The End