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Statistically speaking, you're not watching Mad Men, and the fact that season three premiers on Sunday likely has no affect on you. I'm here, out of the kindness of my heart, to gently explain to you why you're wrong, and why you're a bad person for doing the things you do. Watch Mad Men. Watch the shit out of it. Now, I don't normally shill things here on Cracked. That's not for any ethical or artistic reasons, or anything like that, it's just that sponsors learned long ago that it's more beneficial to them if they pay menot to associate myself with their products (I'm what advertisers call "brand AIDs").

Incidentally, this is why we'll never get sponsored by Band-Aids. I'd like to stress that neither AMC nor the creators of Mad Men are paying me. (Funny story. Turns out, no one is paying me. I was fired from Cracked about eight months ago and I've been hacking into the site ever since to get my articles up.) I'm only bringing up Mad Men because I genuinely think it's one of the best shows on television. Not too long ago, I asked "What the fuck happened to TV?", and I brought up The Hills, Jon & Kate Plus 8 Minus Several Crucial Chromosomes, A Show That Isn't Actually About Cougars So Who Gives a Shit and I'm a Celebrity- Go Fuck Yourself as not only examples of television's horrible degeneration, but also fairly convincing signs of the coming apocalypse. If you agreed with my thesis that those shows were like a like a special kind of cancer that insulted your masculinity as it slowly killed you, you're probably wondering where all the good shows have gone. Mad Men is the answer to that. Here's why.