At dinner in Boulder with my husband and daughter and two of her friends to celebrate the end of the school year, the girls had gone to wash their hands, and came back with news that the bathrooms were super fancy. I decided to go check out what all the fuss was about.

As I came out of the stall, two women were waiting.

“I think I’ll be transgender. Maybe then I can go use the men’s bathroom.”

“Thank you!” the other said.

“I know. I think I will decide to be a man today.”

Frozen at the sink, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Transgender is not a whim. It is not a, “maybe I am this today and that tomorrow.” The National Center for Transgender Equality defines transgender as “A term for people whose gender identity, expression or behavior is different from those typically associated with their assigned sex at birth.” The women’s exchange is not a new one as ones just like it have been all over Facebook. We can joke about what bathrooms to use but this issue is connected to serious health problems. New data from the National Transgender Discrimination Survey correlates high suicide rates of transgender teens to bathroom restrictions.

The justifications to not say anything ran through my mind, “This is none of my business.” “They are out for a nice meal, don’t ruin their night.”

I walked out and continued our celebration. But I felt sick to my stomach. For what was said. For my silence.

I write now, in the hopes that perhaps these women in the bathroom will read my words and understand that their “funny” exchange is a not so funny and a very real struggle for many adults and children in our country. In our community.

Rebecca Brown Adelman

Nederland