During the 1980s, a debilitating disease broke out among white middle-class nuclear families across the United States. Fathers everywhere were seen awkwardly encouraging their children during regular activities — often while playing video games or using personal computers.

Thirty years later, doctors have finally identified this malady as Computer Dad Syndrome (or “CDS” for short), which manifests itself in spontaneous episodes of uncomfortably becoming someone’s dad for the duration of a photography shoot.

Diagnosis of this condition is contingent upon the appearance of three or more of the following symptoms.

Clutching of the upper arm

Grasping of the shoulder

Extraneous handsomeness

Excessive sweater usage (sweaterphilia)

Incongruous appearance of pleasure

Buffoonery

Forced bicycle use

Gratuitous pointing

Diminished alertness

Difficultly focusing

Crotch wrangling

Hallucinations

Appearing generally non-related

What to Do If you Have CDS

If you or someone you love is afflicted with this disease, immediately cease all photographic activities and contact the National Computer Dad Syndrome Hotline at 1-800-NOT-DAAD. Together we can spread awareness of this debilitating syndrome, hopefully preventing its spread to future generations.

Tags: 1980s, advertisement, computers, dad, fathers, humor, NES, Non-Consensual Dad Syndrome

