I was given up to an orphanage in Malaysia, the 11th child born to a desperately poor family; my birth mother had fallen and broken her hip and was not able to care for me. I was blessed — yes, I use the word blessed — to be adopted by the most amazing American family who have given me not only all the educational advantages in the world, but lavished love and security on me as well. I FEEL like they are my true family.

When I was 11, we visited my orphanage, and there was a girl there who had been given up to the orphanage but never adopted (she was missing part of her arm; perhaps she was seen as a “challenge” by potential parents). But I saw that she was loved and appreciated not only by the nuns who ran the orphanage, but also by other orphans/children.

I have missed the opportunity to daily celebrate my Malaysian heritage, but the strength and love given to me by my adoptive parents I can only cherish and treasure for the rest of my life.

— Rachel Dondero-Hendrix, 49, Decatur, Ga.

Adoptive parents on the challenges and joys they’ve experienced

I’m a white foster dad who has adoptions pending of [three] Native children. While I try to push tribal identity on my kids, one of them told me he just wants to be fully a part of our family, and said he hates being “different,” a.k.a. nonwhite.

I know that I cannot, in any way, give these kids cultural or tribal identity. They will be judged in the world as Native people and yet have no Native identity because they were raised in a white, Anglo-Saxon Protestant environment. I love them with all my heart, but it’s a travesty all around.

— Samuel Newton, 41, Montana

I have adopted two children who are Native, and I have dealt with Indian Child Welfare Act issues with both of them. I am mortified by the arguments that both this couple and their attorney are making. It is in the best interest of these Native children to be raised in a Native household, if there is one available to them.

This is a tragedy playing out in the courts that could lead to states returning to destroying Native families and culture in the name of “the best interests of the child,” which can so easily be twisted into being placed with affluent white people, who are used to getting whatever they want, whenever they want it.

— Robert Laird, 41, Olympia, Wash.