FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT

After trying unsuccessfully to steal a handshake from Cobargo residents who had next to nothing else left to steal, the PM has finally admitted defeat.

Instead of trying to steal hands, the PM is instead trying to steal their hearts by sending 2x Gold Class tickets to the two residents who didn’t shake his hand, even if their house isn’t there anymore.

Early next week, Scotty from Marketing will be heading back to Cobargo in the big blue bus with bulletproof windows and the two golden tickets which will be hand-delivered to each letterbox.

The bus is also carrying a number of letterboxes which will be pre-installed to accept the vouchers if the original letterbox has been obliterated like much of the rest of the town.

“I think they’ll be pretty impressed,” said a smiling ScoMo at a press conference this morning.

“When I’ve had a rough time it’s nice to be able to kick back and check out a movie, especially if it’s in Gold Glass; how good are those fancy recliners?”

“I reckon if I had lost everything I owned in a devastating inferno caused in part by an incompetent, self-serving government more concerned with short term showboating than long-term solutions to serious scientifically-proven problems it would make me feel heaps better.”

