Furry enthusiasts attend the Eurofurence 2014 conference on Aug. 22, 2014, in Berlin. (Adam Berry/Getty Images)

Black America often attributes the phenomenon known as “white-people shit” to the fact that our Caucasian brothers and sisters have a tendency for one-upmanship. Their inability to be satisfied with ho-hum ordinary things like breathing and self-pleasure forced them to combine both activities into the practice of autoerotic asphyxiation. When surfing in shark-infested waters started to bore them, they inserted the added element of molten lava and created volcano boarding. But now they’ve gone too far.




Apparently, “alt-right” furries are the newest trend. I repeat: The alabasters have combined the fetish for dressing up in fur suits with their love for racism because ... white people.

If you’ve never heard of the term “furry,” stop reading this, take a few moments and thank whichever higher power to whom you pray (I suggest Snoop Dogg because he is the “most high”). Furries are people who have an unnatural enthusiasm for animals with human characteristics. They often dress up in intricate, mascotlike costumes and use their furry personas as online avatars. Many of them even get sexual pleasure from having intercourse with other furries, although “doggy style” is an entirely different thing.


On Wednesday, Newsweek published a fascinating, in-depth look at the rising white supremacist movement within the furry community. Its unsmiling, matter-of-fact treatment of the trend might be the whitest piece of journalism ever published.

The article visited Furrydelphia, an annual convention of furries in Philadelphia that has been infiltrated by a contingent of anthropomorphic Nazis. Some of them wear armbands reminiscent of Hitler’s Third Reich regalia, while others have incorporated swastikas and racist symbols into their costumes.

One of the attendees, Dionysius, had been banned from the event but attended anyway because he was eager “to meet new friends who hate commies like I do.” Dressed like a goat (no, that is not an insult—he was actually dressed up like a goat), he met with like-minded racist furries outside the convention’s host hotel. I am assuming that people dressed as black cats or brown bears were not invited to the impromptu confab. Dionysius also heads a Colorado-based group of neo-Nazis called the “Furry Raiders.”


Newsweek says the trend started with the hashtag #AltFurries and grew into a nationwide movement. The alt-lint regularly attend conferences, where housekeeping probably spends hours cleaning up furballs and washing neon-pink rabbit fuzz out of the sheets. At an Orlando, Fla., convention, costumed critters distributed “alt-furry” pamphlets, and one wore an intricately designed Confederate-themed getup.

Some people have been ruthlessly attacked for pushing back against the chia-Nazis. One Antifur activist furry named Julius alleges that some of them have threatened to break his neck while others have tried to dox him. He explained that furries are targets for recruitment by the fur-right extremist movement because they are already marginalized:

Nazis are looking for these same types of alienated white dudes. These people just want to hurt and incite—and are beginning to take their trolling offline.


While a racist Teletubby might not necessarily inspire fear, many organizers have sought to ban these domesticated furryists from future events for intimidating attendees. The event hosts know that, given the chance, white people will ruin everything.

Of course, no one has pointed out that the alt-furry movement is a natural progression for the alt-right. Both groups have immersed themselves in an unbelievable fantasy. There is only a slight difference between people who want to live in a land where they can freely fuck a bedazzled dragon and white nationalists working toward a white utopia.


Wearing whiteness as a symbol of pride and self-esteem is as idiotic as boring a penis hole in a Wile E. Coyote outfit to have a threesome with Barney and the yellow Care Bear (the pink one think she’s “all that”). They are all idiots in wolves’ clothing. But white people always take shit to the next level because nothing is ever enough for them. We all put on our grizzly bear costumes one leg at a time.

But even when they are dressed like a hirsute, multicolored thot mascot, they cannot be satisfied being the rainbow hedgehog in panties and a bra because whiteness is a helluva drug.


Read more at Newsweek.