Steamy screenshot in this one!

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“Time flies” might be one of the most cliche phrases in the whole friggin’ book… But I think it’s one of the most accurate too.

There’s so many things that literally feel like they just happened. Maybe not ‘yesterday’, like the other cliche says. But definitely not months ago either.

Things like finding out Erik had moved on. Saying goodbye to Katie on her last day. Having sex with Ivy for the first time. Apologizing to her for how I pushed her away. Signing up for that writing class. Putting in my parole application…

That was all like five or six months ago now… Can you believe it? And so much has changed since then.

I found out that Erik officially proposed to Rubi a few months ago, around Christmas.

Katie finally got approval to come and visit, and it sounds like she’s doing great.

Ivy and I have been totally inseparable, and the sex has been better than ever.

I had my last writing class with Melissa about a month ago.

And they told me this morning that my parole was approved.

Okay, time for another cliche. But seriously, I couldn’t even believe it when they told me. I thought it had to be some kind of joke or something. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it… It doesn’t even feel real yet. But it is.

Three weeks from tomorrow, I’m going home!

I haven’t even told anybody about it yet. Well, except my parents. They were at the hearing. But I didn’t call my friends. And I haven’t said a word to Ivy either. She had a therapy session this morning anyway, and now she’s busy in the kitchen… Buys me a little more time before I have to tell her.

I guess I just need time to process it all first.

I know I’d talked about this happening a few months ago when I first submitted my application. I knew there was a possibility I’d be able to get out early. But now that it’s actually happening it’s just… overwhelming, I guess.

Don’t get me wrong — I’m so happy. I was practically jumping up and down when they told me the news.

But the more I think about it, the more I feel… I dunno.

Like, obviously this is going to be amazing for me. I can’t wait to be at home with Phoenix again, and get to see his sweet little face every day. I can still remember that first month after he was born… Getting to hold him and cuddle him and take care of him every single day, whenever I wanted to.

And now, I’ll be able to do it again. And I know it’s going to be incredible.

Plus, I’ll get to be with my parents again. Now that things are getting better between us, I’m actually looking forward to living with them again. I’ve really missed them too.

And now I can see Rylie and Devin way more than I used to. I can hang out with Katie again… Hell, maybe even get the three of them together! That’d be something, wouldn’t it?

But no matter how amazing all of that stuff’s gonna be, no matter how happy it makes me…

There’s gonna be something missing.

Something beautiful and funny and kind and incredible. Something I care about so much more than I’m supposed to.

Friends with benefits… that’s all this was ever supposed to be.

But it’s so, so much more than that.

And once I leave, everything’s gonna change between us.

We already agreed that we’ll go back to just being friends. And even worse, we’ll barely get to see each other anymore.

How am I supposed to leave her behind? How am I supposed to say goodbye?

I’m not ready.