We in the Sunshine State where that bomb ass hemp be. The State where you never find the dance floor empty. The Blackhawks have been in the Conference Finals four times since 2010, and each time they’ve faced a California team. It’s been about a month since the Blackhawks murdered the Minnesota Wild, and now it’s finally time to ratchet up your hate. Anaheim was the best team in the West for the better part of the year, and the Hawks have been the best team in the West for the better part of a decade. Both teams cruised through the first two rounds and finally we should have a series with some fireworks.

Who To Hate:

1) Whoever decided to scrap these jerseys

I get a little annoyed every time I see the Ducks skate out on the ice with their piss gold, puke orange, and black uniforms when they could be wearing one of the all-time great jerseys. It’s like they’re spitting in the face of 90s kids.

2) Ryan Kesler. Old hatred dies hard. When the Blackhawks and Canucks rivalry was at its peak, Ryan Kesler was at the center of it. “I don’t fight 4th liners”–Kesler to Andrew Ladd. Until they finally did fight and Ladd one-punched him. Split his face open with a quick jab.

In case you lost track of him because nobody cares about the Ducks and he was irrelevant his last year in Vancouver…he’s still a pigeon rat.

3) Corey Perry. This muthafucka. He’s big, skilled, mean, scores a ton of goals, but he’s a little rat too. He looks like an ugly version of every 80s movie villain. A face that’s begging to be punched.

Sweet hat, fuck boy.

Forwards:

The Ducks have the biggest, meanest, group of forwards in the league. The Perry-Getzlaf-Maroon line has been dominant in the playoffs both physically and on the score sheet. The Kesler line gives the Ducks a shutdown line with some offensive pop. Kesler has killed everyone at the dot so far. Winning a ridiculous 64% of his draws. The Ducks want to get in on the forecheck and pound their opponents into the ground. They’re a different challenge than the Hawks have faced so far. The Ducks are, however, pretty top heavy. After their top 6 there is a significant drop in talent and production. Not a big deal when you’re playing against Winnipeg and Calgary, but it’s a huge problem against the Blackhawks. I would assume Coach Q will try to get the Toews line out against the Getzlaf line as much as possible, but matchups after that are tough to project(more on that later). Kesler’s line being so good defensively, I am willing to say the top 6 are essentially a wash. Where the Hawks separate themselves is with their secondary scoring, depth, and speed. The Sharp-Vermette-Turbo line has been good since Coach Q put them together, but I expect them to feast on Anaheim’s soft underbelly. Anaheim’s bottom 6 shown above is subject to change. We will probably see Nate Thompson and Cogliano each get minutes at center, but it won’t matter. Cogliano is the Ducks only great skater in the bottom six and the Hawks have a speed advantage throughout the lineup. I also think Anaheim will have a hard time establishing their forecheck. The Blackhawks top 4 D all skate so well and make quick decisions with the puck. You can’t hit what you can’t catch. There is also the HUGE concern that Corey Perry isn’t healthy. He took a nasty hit in Game 5 against Calgary and hasn’t practiced since, but is expected to play.

Advantage: Blackhawks

Defense:

I like the Anaheim defense more than most. Lindholm, Fowler, and Vatanen are a nice young core for the Ducks to build around on the back end. Beauchemin has been a rock for 10 years. The Despres for Lovejoy trade at the deadline was one of the biggest steals in recent memory. Clayton Stoner, well he kinda sucks. You might remember him from his time in Minnesota when the Hawks had him spinning in circles. Unlike the Hawks, this is a balanced group. Ice time is split evenly. Beauchemin gets the most at 24 mins/game and Stoner gets the least at 17:28. This is a solid group, but I wouldn’t trade Keith, Seabrook, or Hjalmarsson for any of the D on Anaheim. The Ducks are missing that true shutdown/Norris level defenseman that every Stanley Cup Champion in recent memory has had. Beauchemin could be in trouble this series. The Hawks have elite speed on just about every line and that’s a nightmare scenario for an older guy who has never been nimble.

The big question for the Blackhawks of course is how they replace Rozsival’s minutes. Rundblad is getting the first crack. Rundblad played 49 regular season games this year and got a lot of minutes with Duncan Keith. In practices leading up Game 1, however, Rundblad has been skating mostly with Timonen. I think we’ll see a familiar pattern to what we’ve seen in the first 2 rounds…Keith will play 30 minutes and skate with every other defenseman in the lineup at some point. I think Hjalmarsson, Seabrook, and Oduya will all see their minutes increase, we’ll see Timonen in the 7-9 minute range, and Rundblad in the 10-12 minute range. Not an ideal situation, but the Hawks’ top 4 have proven that they can carry a heavy workload. The Blackhawks D have always hung their hat on skating and puck-moving. In no series will that be a bigger advantage than against Anaheim. The Ducks will be chasing the puck all series because they can’t keep up, and that’s exactly what happened in their three head to head matchups this year. Advantage: Blackhawks

Goaltending:

Freddie Anderson has put up really good numbers so far in the playoffs. 1.96 GAA and a .925sv%. Numbers like that are certainly good enough to win you a Stanley Cup in most cases. The problem with those numbers is that the Ducks have had the easiest road to the WCF of anyone. Both Winnipeg and Calgary rely on their D to generate a ton of offense because they don’t have high end finishers. That obviously isn’t the case against the Blackhawks. The Hawks have unmatched skill in their top 9. The Hawks have guys that can capitalize on the odd chance. Anderson is a solid goalie, but he isn’t a Lundqvist or Rinne type.

Crawford was absolutely locked in vs Minnesota. Maybe the best series of his career. If he stays at that level the Blackhawks have an edge in goal as well, but you just never quite know what you’re going to get from Crawford. I think he’s rolling, but in the interest of being objective… Advantage: Push

Coaching:

This is probably the biggest advantage for the Blackhawks in the entire series. The Blackhawks have one of the all-time greats who has an unbelievable sense of timing and a feel for his bench. He chases matchups and puts his guys in the best possible position to succeed. Coach Q has been in the position a million times and knows how to navigate these waters.

And Anaheim has…

Bruce Boudreau. Elmer Fudd with BBQ sauce on his face. A bulbous, bumbling, moron who has never led a team to the Stanley Cup Finals and is in his first Conference Final. When I said it’s difficult to project the matchups…well its because Boudreau can’t be bothered with matchups. He kinda just throws the puck out there and watches the game from the best seat in the house before guzzling Haagen-Dazs at the intermission. Coach Q does a great job getting the matchups he wants when he’s facing a guy who is actively trying to counter his moves. Coach Q getting to essentially hand pick his matchups every shift, home or away, is going to be a tremendous advantage. That’s why the Hawks’ depth is going to be so important. Whoever isn’t against the Kesler or Getzlaf line will be expected to produce. That could be the Sharp line, or it could be the Kane line. Who knows…certainly not Bruce.

Advantage: Blackhawks

Facing the Blackhawks in the Conference Finals was a worst case scenario for the Ducks. Historically the Ducks have struggled in the playoffs against teams with elite speed and an emphasis on puck possession. They’ve lost in the postseason to both LA and Detroit in recent years. Adding Kesler makes this Ducks team the best since they won the Cup in 2006-07, but they still don’t have the speed, depth, skill, coaching, or experience to match the Blackhawks. And that’s if Corey Perry is 100% healthy, which he isn’t. The Ducks are literally more dead than Tupac. Blackhawks in 5.

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