Dear Boobs,

I just wanted to write to say thank you … and sorry.

I’m sorry for all you’ve been through over the past few years what with all the pregnancies and nursing for months on end. I’m sorry you’ve been forced to bounce around 5 sizes up and down like a yo-yo, only to land on your sad current size—34 Long.

I’m sorry for all of the tenderness, the mastitis, the clogged ducts, the thrush, the cracked nipples (why couldn’t that kid get his latch right?!). I’m sorry for the time the baby twisted your nipple so hard it turned purple for days. And I’m doubly sorry for when he intentionally bit you and drew blood (the little jerk). I’m sorry for the chemical burn. That was totally my bad! I had no idea putting straight grapefruit seed extract on nipples would cause 2nd degree burns.

I’m sorry for flashing you to the general public on a regular basis. I know you’re shy by nature, but I just couldn’t get that stupid Hooter Hider to work.

And most of all, I’m sorry that you went from being two buoyant, glorious orbs to the deflated, sad sacks you are today. Stupid gravity.

You’ve been such troopers, my dear saggy boobs. I’m sure it hasn’t been easy. I see you staring at the ground, demoralized and it breaks my heart (not to mention my back). I see you trying to cozy up to my waist now that you’re hanging down low. I see you, boobs. And even in all of your saggy, deflated glory, I love you.

xo,

Deva

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