How to change your life? This is the question I often asked myself when being in a place that I no longer wanted to be.

It all started at an early age, at an age in which I was carefree of what the future would bring. I was a rebel in the family, going against everything that they wanted me to be. They said “no”, I said “yes”.

As I aged, I spent more and more time outside, going to parties and having fun. I would return home late, more often than not, intoxicated. Of course, I loved all of it then.

But with time, I realized that my careless attitude had become a habit, a lifestyle that I really had no control of anymore. I was living it for too long, and it began to exhaust me.

As I write this, sitting in the airport waiting for my flight, I smile because I see how different that Victor was from the Victor I am today. No, that doesn’t mean I am a totally different person or that I wish none of it ever happened to me in the past. On the contrary, I am truly thankful for all of the experiences I’ve had.

Because of my past I was able to become the person that I am today. I am convinced that had those events never occurred in my life, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy life so much today and I wouldn’t be so eager to help others. My not so easy past has actually made me more empathetic towards people, animals and the world around me, and I am very greatful for this.

How to change your life

You have probably come here because you also are wondering how to change your life. To be honest with you, it’s a really powerful question to ask yourself. It’s the very first step towards making change happen. Most people never ask themselves this, and remain unsatisfied or even miserable for the rest of their lives.

When I asked myself the question, I knew that I was in a bad place. I saw no bright future, and, most of the days, I was angry and annoyed: “Why am I doing this to myself, why can’t I just do something different with my life?”

Little by little, I did try to change my habits. I tried to go out less, drink less alcohol and attempted to quit smoking, although unsuccessfully.

Of course, I could do well at times, but only for a while. I would soon again return back to square one. It felt like I was hitting my head against a wall, and I couldn’t contemplate how some people are able to make the change in their life. Realizing that I may be like this way forever made me panic. My anger grew also.

Gradual adaptation to change

Now it is clear to me that although I wasn’t making any real change, there was one thing that I was doing right – self-education.

Every day I would read or listen to something that could benefit me in the future. I found a bunch of self-help books, channels on YouTube, seminars and lectures that would teach me how to take control of my life consciously. Even when watching movies I made sure they were inspirational movies.

My mind was gradually adapting to the idea that there is a choice. Although I couldn’t yet put the theory into practice, I learned that none of us have to drown in our own misery if we don’t want to. We all have the capacity to take action and live our lives differently. Before that, believe it or not, I had never even considered this. Silly, right?

Just like most people, I was brought up to believe that there are checkpoints in life: education, work, marriage, children, house and a car, retirement and death. Ugh, I don’t know about you, but seeing life this way still makes me painful. Not wanting to follow that path was why I rebelled in the first place and went as low as I did.

New life

Here I was, asking myself the question, “how to change your life?”. I looked around and saw exactly what the self-help books talked about – most of the people that I surrounded myself with were people with no real passion. Some of them were even toxic. This was now as clear as day to me.

I suddenly began to want more. I wanted to have interesting and enthusiastic friends, earn more money, do sports, have a better diet. I was looking for fulfillment in life, and I was ready to work for it.

The time I normally would waste was now slowly replaced with work. I spent more time reading motivational content and researching different topics that interested me. Fortunately, the internet makes this really easy to do.

Long story short, I found a few interesting business ideas that I began to work on, joined a mastermind group and started this blog. I now was waking up at 4 or 5 am excited and motivated, ready to spend the day effectively.

Because I had already wasted so much time in my life, I would now try to spend every moment as efficiently as I could. I replaced all music on my phone with audio books.

The moral

The moral of my story and the answer to the question of “how to change your life” lies not in the actions we take to try to force ourselves into change, but rather in the mindset.

Without the correct mindset, permanent change is unachievable. Unfortunately, this is what many people leave out of the equation. And I was no different, I too tried to change by only adjusting my actions at first, but I always fell right back to the place where I started from. Only when once I finally was able to shift my mind into a different state, a state in which I realized that a different life is possible, I was able to make that leap forward.

The mind always comes first – actions second, not the other way around. Every single decision to do something differently in life must first come to us in the form of a thought and have a clear why attached to it. As Friedrich Nietzsche once said:

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.

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Finally, I would like to point out that although my decision to change came rapidly to me, I never really noticed how it happened. I was so occupied with the work and progress I was making, that I had no time to reflect on it. None of it ever felt like work.

When coaching others, I often talk about the following analogy: a person can quit smoking, but as long as they consider themselves a smoker and keep count of the days they have been without lighting up a cigarette, they will have a really hard time beating the addiction. However, if from day one they are able to convince themselves that they no longer need poison in their body, they have much higher chances of succeeding.

Although both people experience addiction similarly, their experience of quitting may differ like day and night. That difference is created by their mind only.

The smoker analogy goes very well with the idea of all change. If you have a reason to change, a vision or a purpose, all of it will be effortless to you. But if your change is done for the sole purpose of change, you will always be tempted to take a step back.

How to change your life? – I hope I was able to answer this question more or less. Just remember, it always starts with the mind. You must get used to the idea that change is what you really want and you must know why you want it. Once that becomes clear to you, the rest will come naturally.

If you have any questions or comments, feel free to post them in the comment section below.

Thank you for stopping by and good luck!

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