Sometimes, you don’t need preamble. Sometimes, you need someone to give it to you straight.

Hi. *waves*



This is for every writer on this whacked out planet.

• Your early work will suck.

• Your later work, in its early drafts, will still suck.

• No one cares about your writing unless you’re at (or near) the top of the New York Times bestseller list.

• Seriously. You could win the Pulitzer in literature and your friends would be, like, “Yeah, she’s writing or something boring like that. What a waste of time.”

• You cannot please everyone.

• YOU CANNOT PLEASE EVERYONE.

• So don’t try.

• Write for yourself. Failing that, write for one person.

• Listening to ten other people means ten extra people in your head when you write.

• That will fuck you up faster than a Sarah Palin gaffe.

• Example: “Polls are for strippers and cross-country skiers,“ Palin said at a Tea Party rally in Iowa, on Sept. 3, 2011.

• Polls are actually for finding out what people think about stuff. Which is your job as a writer.

• Because truly great novels, odes, short stories and even songs show what is happening around them.

• It’s worth repeating: Before you’re great, you will suck.

• You will latch onto words or phrases and repeat them throughout your work.

• The words and phrases you repeat will change over time.

• The habit of repeating shit will not.

• You may never feel good about what you write.

• Write anyway.

• It’s better to lack confidence. Shitty writers always think they’re great.

• Never let anyone tell you to stop doing what you love.

• EVER.

• The only “equipment” you need is a writing implement.

• Pen is nice because you can write on your body if you can’t find paper.

• Pencil is nice because it works in any weather and never runs out of ink.

• You will never have time to write.

• If you’re a writer, that won’t stop you.

• We all crave validation.

• You may or may not get it.

• Write anyway.

• You need an editor.

• If you are an editor, you definitely need an editor.

• At the beginning, being edited hurts more than childbirth.

• No really. I’ve had two kids.

• After a couple months, being edited will feel more like a mosquito bite.

• Not in the sense that you forget how painful it was. (That only applies to childbirth.)

• But you will feel less protective of your words after you build a relationship with your editor and realize he has your best interests in mind.

• You’ll find out who your real friends are as soon as you publish your first book.

• Don’t work with a coach, editor, publisher or anyone else without a contract.

• Read the fucking contract and understand it before you sign it.

• You’re worth more than you may ever realize.

• Your story could save someone else.

• It happens all the time.

• That’s what they mean when they say, “You could change the world with your writing.”

• You will not get rich writing.

• Write anyway.

• Because what you may lack in cash flow you will more than make up for in enrichment and mojo.

• Writing helps us make sense of our world.

• If we didn’t do it, we’d probably completely lose it.

• Most of us are on the edge already.

• We have to be in order to do a job that doesn’t pay, won’t make us famous and, oh yeah, is among the most difficult.

• I’m not kidding.

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