Ballston, MD – Clearly visibly distraught, Dr. Albert Webb struggled to contain his anger when his patient, Debra Fitzgerald, mistakenly referred to him as an optometrist instead of an ophthalmologist.

“I went to medical school, an optometrist goes to an optometry school, and a hypnotist goes to a hypnotism school,” Dr. Webb stated to Fitzgerald while blocking the doorway. “Which one of those things makes a person a doctor? I’ll give you some time to figure it out.”

Fitzgerald, who apologized profusely for her mistake, insisted that she hadn’t meant to disrespect Dr. Webb. However, her attempts to placate Dr. Webb by telling him that it was just an “honest mistake” backfired spectacularly.

“Go take a paintball to the eye and ask for the optometrist at the closest Lenscrafters,” retorted Dr. Webb. “Let me know how that ‘honest mistake’ works out for you. It’s just disrespectful to come into my office – which as you may have noticed, isn’t inside a mall – and not understand the difference between some spectacle jockey and an actual doctor with an actual medical degree specializing in one of the most complicated organs in the human body.

“Now, if you could, please read the lowest line you can see on the eye chart.”

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