At the very young age of 5, I discovered that if I rubbed my vaginal area on a pillow or sorts I would obtain a sensational feeling within. Obviously at that age I had no clue what I was doing or what was actually happening, but I did acknowledge that is felt good. I continued ‘rubbing’ myself for a while and then stopped. I don’t really have any recollection as to why that happened, but it did. Then around 10 years old I became a ‘woman’ as my mom put it and sexual curiosity came knocking. Suddenly, I had hips, breasts, weird feelings inside and a vague memory of how it felt when I use to rub myself. So, I decided to rekindle these feeling and I started to experiment again. At that point I still had no clue what I was doing. But I enjoyed it and did it quite often.

Once I entered junior high, I gained a better (yet misguided) notion of what I was doing. I was masturbating! And I thought there was something terribly wrong with me! I was a girl, not a boy. Only boys masturbated, at least that’s what the consensus amongst my peers were. The boys joked about it, teased each other and it was understood that it was just something boys ‘did’. Now I was raised in a European-Catholic community. It was very important to be a ‘good’ girl and ‘good’ girls did not partake in anything sexual, including masturbation. So none of my friends discussed it. If the topic was brought up, my girlfriends would shutter in disgust. Which inevitably made me feel odd, ashamed and mortified. This is basically the way I felt through much of my high school years.

After high school, I entered college and everything changed. I was introduced to different people from all walks of life, phone sex and porn! I met great open-minded people, who helped me find the path to a whole new world where I didn’t have to pretend to be something I wasn’t. I met my hubby who accepted me for all my good and ‘bad’ qualities and appreciated me for them. Phone sex and porn allowed me to express and explore my sexual fantasies without shame. I realized that I was not the only woman on this planet pleasuring myself.

Now in all honesty, I no longer feel ashamed or guilty about masturbating. I still love and enjoy it till this very day. It’s great when hubby isn’t around and that itch needs to be scratched, it relieves stress from a crazy day, calms cramps once a month, gives me an opportunity to learn more about my own body and generally just feels awesome. But I still don’t have friends to talk to about it. The topic still seems to be taboo at least in my circle of friends and family. I’m grateful for my blog, because it has introduced me to others like myself and it’s liberating to finally have other women to talk about it with. Just writing this and putting it out there feels amazing! Hopefully if others feel the way I do, maybe they’ll reach out and find someone to talk to!

PLEASE NOTE MY SELF-HOSTED WEBSITE IS NOW ONLINE AT WWW.SENSUALLITTLENYMPH.COM