We all know that joining a fraternity can be a big plus for your future professional development. The connections and networking provided by a fraternity are invaluable, and even if you don’t get a job because of the frat you join, there are plenty of perks on the side. Here are a list of five of the top reasons to join a frat at UT:

Reason 1: Sex with Livestock

This first one actually involves UT Martin, but since it’s our proud sister school, I figured it would be a good lead-off. Brothers at Kappa Alpha gave one of their pledges the once in a lifetime opportunity to have sexual relations with a goat. Unfortunately, the kid was too shortsighted to see the amazing opportunity that he had before him, and he actually refused!

The goat was quite offended, and this pledge quickly realized that his brothers were just trying to give him a mental challenge. I mean, come on, when is sex with a goat not cool?

Reason 2: Singing Naked in Front of the World

Last time I heard a song that I liked, I ripped all my clothes off and shouted the song from a rooftop. One of the great things about pledging is that your awesome future brothers will actually force you to get naked and sing, dance, or drink in front of everyone. I seriously don’t get why more people don’t want to pledge. I mean, if nothing else, they should want to get naked and sing “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star,” right?

Reason 3: Staph Infections Never Killed Anyone, Right?

When your pledge master tells you to get on your knees and do pushups over broken glass, you sure as hell better do it! I mean, there’s no better way to get a life-threatening staph infection than to cut yourself on the floor of a dirty frat house that you as a pledge neglected to thoroughly clean. Remember, this is all really your fault. If you would just quit studying and focus on cleaning this piece of shit, you wouldn’t have gotten that staph infection in the first place.

After a couple visits to the hospital, you’ll probably be fine. Most of the kids at Pi Kappa Alpha were at least.

Reason 4: Boxing is a Great Way to Break Your Brain

Despite the fact that “modern science” says that boxers experience “damage in the brain,” the fraternities at UT are offering you the opportunity to get a “head” start on the damage by joining the world-wide SAE boxing tournament. If you get to be a part of this amazing experience, you have the unique opportunity to start your cauliflower ear early, and get a jump start on parkinson’s, alzheimer’s, and other life-threatening conditions.

The good news is that if you win your weight class, you’ll be able to take any slutty tri-delt home that you want! What could beat that, right?

Reason 5: How Else Can You Drink Through Your Ass-Hole?

As we all know, fraternities at UT have a very unique specialty – buttchugging.

Not only did the Pi Kappa Alpha brothers first show us how it’s done, they spawned a market for songs, memes, and news articles across the country. It’s pretty amazing, I mean, there’s no way that a GDI could get so much attention for sticking a piece of plastic tubing up his ass, and that’s one thing I really respect about fraternities. They can get the press to follow them for even the most insignificant of innovations.

Are you looking to join a fraternity at UT? Are you a member of one already? Let me know about your experiences in the comments below!