You know, a lot of people say that when mankind decided to leave the paradise that was the hunter/gatherer lifestyle and take up the soul-rending, skin-blistering toil that is agriculture, humanity made a huge mistake that we would never recover from.

Those people would be right.

Yes, it gave us a means to create large communities that allowed us to build empires and thus the infrastructure that made the $5 hot n’ready pizza possible, but I’d much rather just sleep all day.

But the best part of agriculture?

Howard’s Grocery.

Let’s do this.

I’m going to tell you right at the beginning of this review that I am biased to this this place. It was fantastic and I loved it. So if you’re looking for an impartial review I’d tell you to stop reading pretty much everything I write. I’m a very partial human. I have A LOT of opinions on everything, and as a person who has lost touch of a sizable portion of reality, they are strong opinions.

Howard’s Grocery specializes in local, organic, sustainably sourced food. Normally I would go off on a tangent about liberals, hippies and the red scare, but I’m not. You’ll understand when you see the burger.

It has a cafe inside that you can order a bunch of tasty things as well as a (future) grocery aisle of local produce. I say future because most of it had a “coming soon” sign, but there were a few other local items for purchase.

So right off the bat I was a little peeved at the cost of the burger. $12 is steep. You can get a REALLY good burger for $12. Or 12 really bad ones. But Katie has limited my red meat these past few months so I went for it.

This is what the space looks like as Katie walks towards a seat by the window so that we can take pretty shots of our food.

Be prepared to sit with strangers. This is family-style seating. So keep those elbows in check.

We sit down and wait. I could have waited for 13 years if I had to here. Why? BECAUSE OF MOTHERFUCKING BOTTLE COKES, BITCHES.

They are my favorite thing. Pretty much ever. I like them more than daydreams of finding magic swords in a forest somewhere. Serious. Business.

Katie went with their blueberry soda. It was tart and nice.

Then our food came.

Katie went with the Salad du Jour which had a farm egg, sliced radish, queso fresco, tomato and roasted garlic vinaigrette dressing. It also came with a chilled tomato soup with cucumber yogurt and mozzarella.

Katie loved the salad. The soup was great for about 4 sips but the flavor became a bit overwhelming. She recommends the salad completely, though.

And I, the fat ass, went with the Griddled Burger. House-made American cheese, pea shoots, pickled veggies and burger sauce on a potato bun.

It was so good.

First, the fries were real fries. Like, they were a potato right before I ate them. The burger was perfect. Juicy as hell and cheesy as heaven. The pickled veggies gave it a nice sourness to the bite. Buy this.

And the bathrooms? Clean. Simple.

And yes. That’s my hand in the mirror. I didn’t show my face because I don’t want one of you to beat me up because I told you that Taco Republic is highly overrated.

Howard’s is a great place. The food was amazing and it had this wonderful feel to it. Kinda like your mom.

It was good enough that while writing this, I got hungry, drove back to Howard’s and ate lunch there again. Just now. I ordered the chicken sandwich and it was like eating that feeling you get when you tell a joke and people actually laugh and give you a high five. It was fantastic. Order it too. I’d show a photo of it but I forgot and ate it too fast.

How would we rate it?

Taste: 9/10

Value: 7.5/10

Environment: 7.5/10

Bathrooms: 7.2/10

Verdict? Become a farmer. Come here.

Howard’s Grocery

1708 Oak St, Kansas City, MO 64108

Hours: