Brooklyn's priciest condo hits the market at $32 million http://t.co/iSltS2WiaX pic.twitter.com/uhirji8a3M — WSJ Mansion (@WSJRealEstate) April 6, 2015

Let me tell you about hardship: It's not, as you might think, owning a New York City apartment so large one can no longer tell when one's spouse is home without calling them on a telephone. Hardship is being presented with a Wall Street Journal story so achingly disgusting, so exquisitely vile, that it becomes impossible to find an angle from which to mock it. Below, we present the greased pig of ledes, unsurpassed in its emetic perfection even by little Skye van Merkensteijn:

A few months ago, Stuart Leaf was sitting in his Brooklyn Heights apartment when he got a call from his wife asking when he’d be home. It turned out “we’d both been home for three hours,” he said—their roughly 11,000-square-foot condo is so large that neither one realized the other was there.

"Stuart," Mrs. Leaf (Lillian? Judith?)'s voice floated from the gold-plated iPhone. "Stuart, honey, can you remember to pick up the white truffles and braised jaguar ribs from the market? You know the fern will only drink water infused with rare cat...what's that? You're in the foyer antechamber! Oh what a RIOT."

Anyway, the sprawling apartment is located in Brooklyn Heights. What is the square-footage required to successfully lose one's spouse in one's home? 11,000-square-feet. How much does a 11,000-square-foot townhouse set one back in Brooklyn Heights? If Sotheby’s International Realty gets its way, about $32 million. What else can you buy with $32 million? A six-year review of the CIA's torture report. A 1938 Bugatti 57SC Atlantic. Nearly three of young Skye van Merkensteijn's shitty-ass condos.

The Leaf's townhouse, located at One Brooklyn Bridge Park, is a combination of nine units spanning three floors. It contains six bedrooms, six bathrooms and two half baths. It ALSO contains a 3,500 bottle wine room, a gym with a rock climbing wall, a screening room, a 75-foot-long terrace with a barbecue, sound system and...dwarf peach tree.

For awhile, the couple also rented Truman Capote's old place at 70 Willow Street, which, at 11 bedrooms and seven full baths, must have been just awful.