AUGUSTA, Ga. -- I could give you all kinds of cute or funny quips about how this year's top-25 list will have car crashes and cop chases all through the hallowed grounds of Augusta National Golf Club, but you know I'd be lying.

The truth is that this is just a great excuse for people to call me stupid and say they can't believe ESPN would hire me. I think they're just mad and jealous that I'm sitting in this new palatial media center eating peach ice cream while writing this. Here's this year's sticky keyboard version of the top-25 list!

Enjoy.

25. Ernie Els -- Since 1994, this man has been a fixture under the big tree at Augusta National, only missing the event in 2012. If this is his last Masters, I'd love to see the Big Easy stroll out on Sunday afternoon kind of late.

24. Bill Haas -- He's quietly having a very solid year without having won. His record at the Masters has also been respectable.

23. Martin Kaymer -- While Kaymer doesn't have a great record here, I have a feeling this year he'll have his best finish to date. No missed cuts on either the European or PGA tours this year.

22. Jimmy Walker -- Even though Walker has been trending downward since his T-11 at the Genesis Open in February, I still believe he can play well enough this week to get a top-25 finish. Last year, Walker finished T-29 in only his third start at the Masters.

21. Scott Piercy -- Length won't be an issue even if the course is wet. His T-29 finish last year will give him confidence with the putter this year, his third time playing in the Masters.

20. Sergio Garcia -- You know Sergio has a win already this year right? He played very well at the WGC-Match Play (just ran into Jon Rahm). He hasn't been amazing here at Augusta National, but he's only missed one cut in his past eight starts.

19. Lee Westwood -- Turning 43 this month, Westwood still looks like he loves being on the course. Even with the missed cut in Houston last week, he comes to a place where, since 2007, he has only finished outside the top 11 three times!

18. Justin Thomas -- Knowing that 2016 was his first Masters ever, you should expect that with the wins and success he's had coming into this week that he will enjoy his best result. Since the two wins in Hawaii earlier this year, it's been a bit of a roller coaster ride for Thomas, but his week off last week helps.

17. Brandt Snedeker -- This one is completely weather dependent. If the forecast holds true and we get more rain Thursday and Friday, then the course gets a bit long. If the rain misses us and the course plays fast and firm, then Sneds finishes a bit higher than this.

16. Marc Leishman -- What a wonderful story it was seeing Leishman win the Arnold Palmer Invitational earlier this year with a pregnant wife sitting gleefully in the media center. His game and life are in a great place coming into the week and the result will reflect that.

15. Henrik Stenson -- Can you believe this will be Stenson's 12th start in a row at Augusta? You probably are surprised because his best finish ever here was T-14 in 2014. For some reason the "Ice Man" can't stand the heat of the Masters.

14. Brooks Koepka -- This will be his best finish here in three tries. I know he'll play great this week because I played three holes against him Monday night and he almost beat me -- and he was playing left-handed.

Louis Oosthuizen lost in a playoff for his best Masters finish. Can he match up his stellar ball-striking with a good putting week at Augusta National? Rob Schumacher-USA TODAY Sports

13. Louis Oosthuizen -- Small steps are what Oosty has been taking at Augusta the past few years: 25th (2014), 19th (2015), 15th (2016). This was math my 8-year-old could do.

12. Pat Perez -- This is not the same guy who finished T-45 in 2003 and missed the cut in 2009. Since coming back from injury this past October, Perez is playing like a golfer who will not waste a second chance.

11. Charl Schwartzel -- Since winning the green jacket in 2011, Schwartzel's play at Augusta has been spotty at best. This year hasn't been spectacular so far, but it seems his golf game is in a place where he could easily have his best finish since the win.

10. Jordan Spieth -- The Jordan Spieth I saw at the WGC-Match Play is not the Jordan Spieth I know and love watching play golf. I know he's sick and tired of all the "last year's Masters" stuff. My hope is that inside the ropes that he can find peace and get back to having fun.

9. Paul Casey -- He's doing it again this year -- playing really good golf without winning. No missed cuts since the Sony Open the first week in January and a top-10 finish at the WGC-Match Play a week ago. He's finished fourth and sixth the past two times that he's been here.

8. Emiliano Grillo -- This is the Argentine's second Masters. Last year he performed very solid, finishing T-17. If he can be easier on himself when he makes mistakes, he'll have a great week.

7. Adam Scott -- I know you think that missing the cut last week in Houston should knock the Aussie well down the list, but I think it was a good thing for him. Getting to Augusta early to become reacquainted with the course allowed him to remember the good feelings he had the week he won in 2013.

6. Phil Mickelson -- Don't act like you wouldn't be just a little jacked up when Phil makes a move toward the top of the leaderboard Saturday. He won't win, but there will be moments of that old Lefty we know and love.

Phil Mickelson, a three-time winner at the Masters, always seems to be energized when he drives down Magnolia Lane. Can he turn that into a fourth green jacket this week? Andrew Redington/Getty Images

5. Hideki Matsuyama -- It might have seemed like his game tailed off a bit lately, but don't be fooled. A fully rested Matsuyama comes into the Masters ready for his one-handed finishing swings to get right back to the success he saw earlier in the year at another course with no rough -- TPC Scottdale.

4. Jon Rahm -- Not one missed cut in 10 starts is what's on the resume' on this week's "new" phenom and frontrunner for PGA Tour Rookie of the Year. His only finish outside the top-10 this calendar year was in Phoenix, where he was playing a home game and finished 16th.

3. Rickie Fowler -- Don't win at the Shell Houston Open the week before the Masters, but show that your game is trending way up. I'd say Rickie accomplished that last week. Looking at the year Fowler is having so far, seeing him in contention on Sunday shouldn't surprise anyone.

2. Rory McIlroy -- What will it be like for McIlroy this year in Augusta since it's someone else's demons that everyone is talking about? Probably a relief, which will allow him to truly freewheel it. Rory still has that one round per tournament that costs him, and getting through that this week gets him as close as he's ever been to the green jacket.

Dustin Johnson, the world No. 1, comes into the Masters on a three-tournament winning streak. Four in a row would give him two major wins in his past four major starts. Andrew Redington/Getty Images

1. Dustin Johnson -- Attitude is everything. Asked how he felt about being the favorite going into the Masters, DJ replied, "I don't care." And believe me when I tell you, sitting there watching him say that in Austin, Texas, he meant it.