When people ask me, “Cyrus, what is your main sticking point with women?” I give them a mouthful: my archetypal dangerous male persona is lacking.” That’s a lot to deal with, so let’s try to unpack it.



We See it in Romance Novels

Generally speaking, I get by “alright” by heading into the fray and doing some confident approaches. In this case, I’m strategically flying into a woman’s radar and she’s forced to decide if she likes me. Based on the confidence of my aura, she may decide “yes” or “no” and things proceed.

This is a lot different from those men I know who appear to have embodied the “dangerous male” archetype. The same that we see on the covers of romance novels that women buy across the world. When such an archetypal male appears, it’s the women who vie for their attention and obsess in ways similar to how men do it to their crushes.

Generally speaking, very few – if any – “pickup artist” types successfully exist in this state. It doesn’t occur naturally, and men who even have to think about “how to get better with women” would not exist as an archetypal male.

A friend of mine is a former Marine Corp Senior Drill Instructor. Aside from seeing combat in Iraq, he’s a rugged individualist who makes his own way in the world with headstrong confidence. He’s also a former male model. He’s literally the personification of these dangerous men.

His girlfriend is an extremely pretty would-be actress with a meek demeanor and caring disposition. One time at dinner, she showed me her collection of over 200 romance novels she’s read on Kindle.

“So it’s no wonder you ended up with Nate,” I suggested.

“Yup, now you get it,” she giggled.

Of course, I noticed an interesting dynamic – my friend is often emotionally unavailable and rarely shows affection to her. Meanwhile, she is always trying to “tame’ him and get him to start showing interest (which he never does.) This strange dance is what seems to fuel their relationship, at least by what I’ve seen.

I wonder sometimes how long it can last.

A Carnal Impulse?

Somewhere, at the most carnal level, the very feminine wants to tame the very masculine. This is the origin of how bad boys excite women everywhere. Even when their logical minds try to resist it, it keeps happening.

As psychologist Jordan Peterson points out, this archetype is best represented in the Disney movie “Beauty and the Beast.”

So, can any man start adopting these qualities for unbridled success with women? Unfortunately . . . .

This is Not an Easy Quality to Create Artificially

Becoming a true “dangerous male” is nigh impossible short of authentic experiences to make it happen. This would mean during a man’s developmental years, going on paths such as:

Joining a hard branch of the military (For Americans: USMC Infantry, Army Rangers, Navy SEALs. Nothing makes you dangerous like actually killing people.)

Pursuing a hard combat-related sport (boxing or MMA.) Not simply dabbling but really fighting.

At the very least, pursuing a profession like fire-fighting.

These paths would also include working out 6-7 days a week with a full body-building routine and diet.

As far as looks are concerned, if we’re really tapping into female psychology, it’s hard to pull this path off if a man is under 5’10. If you’re shorter, prematurely balding, your head looks like a penis (and your penis looks like a small head) – I just don’t think it’s possible to fully represent the great archetype of masculinity, at least in the fantasies of women.

You’re out of luck. (And so am I.)

My friend happened to hit all these elements, and he did so naturally. His general personality, however, borders on being A-sexual. When it was time for him to get a girlfriend, he decided, “Hmm, I guess I should get a new girlfriend.” He had one in about two days flat. What doesn’t challenge us creates boredom, and so women long ago became a boring sport. (He now focuses on his true calling which is working with animals.)

Maybe if someone tried to artificially follow his path with the ulterior motive of being a great seducer of women, it wouldn’t even work.

Life as a Non Threatening Skinny White Guy

Enter my life, and the lives of the majority of normal men. In the West, although women rarely admit it, the desire for the archetypal male is so prevalent that in big cities, you’ll meet many women who are “saving themselves” for this unicorn. (Hmm, what would a male equivalent to the feminine ‘unicorn’ be? A pegasus with its phallic horn sticking out of its head?)

Because the “Nates” of the world are so hard to find, many women settle for “slightly threatening” men. So yes, skinny white guys who simply “fake it” may experience some level of mileage via this tactic.

Dressing like a bad boy (a topic I found admittedly silly yet outlined extensively in my friend Magnetic’s book about the topic.)

A brooding, emotionally unavailable personality. (If this is not you normally, it would mean literally adopting a persona, and the sheer lack of authenticity involved in doing this could sabotage you.)

What PUAs call negging and push / pull. The practice of purposefully disqualifying and teasing women until they start to chase you.

And the usual practice of working out a lot and generally increasing your machismo. A beard reminiscent of that Instagram asshole Dan Bilzerian may help.

(As a side note about Bilzerian, he certainly shines a light on female psychology. I believe his greatest haters want to fuck him more than anybody. The more he’s a jerk, the more he’s sexist and awful, the more badly women want him.)

For some people, however, it’s close to a hopeless cause. In some ways, I fall into that category. I don’t look good with beards. At 5’9 I’m just below the “acceptably tall” threshold (according to Western female standards) and while I work out and I try not to look like a total sap, I’m far from a thug.

Fortunately, there’s some hope.

What the Rest of us Can Do

Putting everything else aside, it’s possible to hijack female psychology enough to maintain attraction – all without being some try-hard whigger wearing gangsta clothes that don’t fit him. (Although, certain women will still go for a whigger if his IQ is sufficiently low enough and his availability of drugs is high enough.)

There’s two elements:

The first is confidence and confidence in approaching. Obviously, it’s a massive topic most men on a self-improvement path are rectifying. I find the core strength is to learn to have faith that I am “enough” for any woman, regardless of who she is or her perceived status. The fearless approach could make a goofy guy with a penis-head suddenly alluring.

The second element is a psychology of emotional resilience. Just today, a female friend told me, “I’m trying to get away from bad boys, so I found this guy who I know is emotionally available. Yet, he’s the biggest pushover. A female friend of his told him how to dress when we went out, and he wore what she told him!”

While it’s hard for an emotionally open man to start becoming a dark, brooding bad boy, it’s a lot easier to avoid behaviors that are emasculating, non-confrontational and “easy.” A big element of that involves removing all reverence of women. Rather, put up greater walls around women. If she asks you to do anything, show some resistance and ask why. Have boundaries that are clear, and be far less compromising.

Don’t let your desire to be “accommodating” sabotage you. At the same time, you don’t have to stop being “nice,” If your attitude change turns you “weird” or a “dick” (in a bad way) you’re probably doing it wrong. Most likely, you’re not doing it with a smile on your face.

More than any topic in the study of male behavior, I’d suggest trying to be more masculine and more “hard” is where men overdo it, and it sabotages them like nothing else you could imagine. This is probably the most important paragraph to remember in this article.

In Summary

While the true archetypal bad boy doesn’t even have to approach women – the women approach HIM – a hybrid skinny white guy who makes a solid effort can have a non-stagnant love life as a result. Women will literally think, “Well, he’s not the guy on the cover of that romance nov, but eh . . . he seems to be a real man, at least. Okay, I guess I’ll take it.” And generally, they’re happier in the long run. Because, while I love my friend, emotional unavailability does not lead to successful relationships. Brooding bad boys, if they really are brooding and bad, become endless drama and sources of issues that smart women grow tired of beyond age 19.

Think about all your female friends with actual boyfriends, not flings and one night stands, and how many of these successful relationships are with ex-convicts and brutal boxers or MMA fighters? More often than not, the actual boyfriends are guys who look kind of like Ed Sheeran but had “something” going for them (usually confidence, a good sense of humor, or in Ed’s case a voice from God.)

Liked these points of view? Consider a $50 60-minute coaching session with author Cyrus Thomson to assist with attraction, relationships, lifestyle, meeting women and other fundamentals. There may be serious issues holding you back that requires assistance from a third-party. Click here to email CK (@) developedman.com and book an appointment.