At 10:58 ET, ESPN reporter Darren Rovell’s Twitter account tweeted a tweet.

Wow. Three minutes later:

In the attached link, we learn many an important detail about the future of the new Roc Nation Sports.

“[Cano] has left agent Scott Boras to sign with a company founded by Jay-Z.”

“It [Roc Nation] is getting into the sports representation business through a partnership with Creative Artists Agency (CAA). This arm of CAA will be known as Roc Nation Sports.”

“Cano said in a statement, ‘I am confident that the pairing of Roc Nation Sports and CAA Sports will be essential in helping me accomplish my short- and long-term goals.'”

At the end of the piece, we also learn some interesting facts about Jay-Z and his very non-rap-related future:

“Sources say Jay-Z himself is planning to be a certified agent, first in baseball and eventually in basketball and football.” “In order to represent clients in basketball, he would have to give up his small share of the Brooklyn Nets.”



These facts raise six obvious questions.

Will there be Roc Nation Sports chains?

How soon until Scott Boras getting dropped from the team makes it into a rap lyric?

Where is Jay-Z getting certified, and will his road to becoming an agent be a reality show on Life + Times?

How soon until they sign Gabby Douglas?

Can we refer to Jay and Robinson as “Canova”?

Will Jay and Robinson have a similar relationship to Tom and Cuba? What exactly is Cano’s “quan,” and does this mean Beyoncé will star in the third installment of Bridget Jones’s Diary?

None of these questions can be answered now. What must discussed and appreciated, however, is a passage that presented itself in the middle of the piece:

“It’s not as if the team that will be negotiating for Cano after Boras is inexperienced, like the much-hyped partnership between Ricky Williams and rapper Master P’s No Limit Sports, which resulted in one of the worst contracts in sports history.”

No. Limit. Sports.

Hearing that phrase, an entity that exists in the same brain file folder as the “Official All Star Cafe” and “Webvan,” fills me with butterflies, causing a mixture of “god bless the American Dream,” “anything is possible,” and “everything will ultimately fail.”

But here, in 2013, what remains of the legendarily bad enterprise that rose, had a latte, and then plummeted? Not much.

This is nolimitsports.com.

It almost brings a tear to my eye that the No Limit name has become associated with a pole-vaulting academy in California. It’s just not right. There aren’t even any tanks on this page.

I miss them so much.

Luckily, every now and then, the Internet blesses us. Sometimes, when we least expect it, a page that should have disappeared a decade ago finds a way to stay afloat, for the betterment of society, America, democracy, and the resolve of our allies.

Enter: THE NO LIMIT SPORTS ANGELFIRE PAGE.

It’s really a beautiful website. Just a single page, it gives you the full breakdown on why it was imperative that No Limit Sports exist. The full text:

“No Limit Sports Management (NLSM) is a branch of No Limit that deals with sports agency for athletes of all sports. They take care of contract and endorsement negotiations and make sure the athlete is taken care of.”

Seems nice enough.

“Most of the athletes under the negotiation of No Limit Sports Management right now are players in the NBA and CBA, but recently they added NFL star running back Ricky Williams.”

This did not go well.

“Also, most of the athletes come from less fortunate and underprivileged childhoods in the ghetto. This way NLSM can in a way understand their past and problems and help them strive for the future.”

They really took it there, in the first paragraph. This was truly the golden era of advertising.

“Meet Chief Operating Officer (COO) of No Limit Sports Management, Mr. Tevester Scott.”

Hey, Tevester.

“Mr. Scott takes care of all of the day to day financial arrangements. As part of this task, he oversees all contractual arrangements and sponsorship packages for their clients. Basically, he makes sure the clients are happy. Because some of the clients are quite young, he makes sure to sit down with them and counsel them about how to manage their money.”

I don’t think this went well.

“The key goal is to set up for the rest of their lives, because after their sports career is over, there has to be somethin [sic] else — some kind of business and career opportunities outside of sports.”

Uh-oh.

“For a full description and write up on Mr. Tevester Scott and also much more on No Limit Sports Management, click on his picture above, or Click here.”

Ignore everything that says “Click here.” All “Click here” roads lead to the end of the Internet.

“I recommend you to read this article, it tells a lot about NLSM and its clients.”

“No Limit Sports Management and its clients have been featured many times on television, magazines, and other articles recently. Even ESPN’s SPORTSCENTER got in on the action during a recent interview they had with Master P and Tevester Scott.”

Hey, Tevester.

“Master P, usually known as Percy Miller, told ESPN how No Limit Sports Management is different from other agencies, because he can relate to the players more and help them in more than just sports.”

Go on.

“He plays basketball, his clients play basketball — therefore he can relate to them more.”

Oh, OK, I get it now.

“Also P stated that his clients may want to expand their horizons to music, acting, clothing, or other things, and he can help them do that.”

Perfect match.

“Look for NLSM to be signing many other athletes, especially basketball players, in the next year. Also joining in on the interviews of NLSM clients is On The Sneak Tip Magazine, an online Hip-Hop Magazine. They recently interviewed two of NLSM’s top clients — Ron Mercer and Derek Anderson.”

Master and Tevester went after the legendary ’95-’96 Kentucky basketball team. I can’t be mad at that. With that said, WHY NO LOVE FOR JEFF SHEPPARD?

“These athletes were two of the first members of the NLSM team, and are a very essential part of their success. To check out Ron Mercer’s interview Click Here, and to peep the article on Derek Anderson Click Here.

“#Peep”

“Currently, Master P and NLSM have many ambitions for the future. After they added star running back Ricky Williams to their roster of athletes, they’d like to pick up more clients from the NFL. Also, Master P is involved in WCW wrestling, which is another sport with potential for NLSM.”

I can’t believe we almost got a No Limit–WCW collaboration. IMAGINE THE TANKS. WRESTLERS ON TANKS.

“Besides wrestling and sports management, P would also like to fulfill his ultimate dream, becoming a pro basketball player.”

Finally, the truth comes out.

“Below are some of the athletes or ‘clients’ that belong to No Limit Sports Management.”

Putting “clients” in quotation marks really doesn’t put the reader/prospect at ease. I promise.

“Click on their name or picture to view some information about them and what No Limit Sports Management can do for them.”

Another thing that doesn’t help: spelling “Casselle” like that. One final thing that doesn’t help: having the contact person be mr.mercenary@iname.com

MISTER MERCENARY.

Mercenary: “One who serves or works merely for monetary gain; a professional soldier hired for service in a foreign army.”

I get it. “No Limit Soldiers.” Loyalty. Whatever. But “Mr. Mercenary” in the e-mail address? I’m going to go out on a limb and say this didn’t help No Limit Sports stay afloat.

So there you have it. No Limit Sports gets the Angelfire treatment. It can’t get much better than that, right?

That’s what it seemed like, until I took a look at the full URL:

“http://www.angelfire.com/mo/nolimitparty/nolimitsports.html”

“No Limit Party”? What is that? Could it be a larger, more glorious network of magical websites, perhaps?

Good lord, yes.

Before launching into the “PHATTEST no limit site on tha net,” it’s imperative I address the pop-up situation that has just terrorized the top left side of my computer screen:

And we meet again, Mr. Mercenary. This “chea” site, No Limit Party, is apparently all the work of a mysterious Mr. Mercenary. Also, from this pop-up, we learn that in addition to being the PHATTEST, it’s also the most “bout it” No Limit page on the web.

Good to know.

Back to No Limit Party, and it’s clear that No Limit Sports is but one leg of the “Empire” that is No Limit on Angelfire.

Mirroring the five branches of the New Orleanian government (judicial, executive, Mardi Gras, legislative, gumbo), there are five wings to the Empire. The first has already been talked about, but the other four, laid out by No Limit Party, are equally as beautiful.

NO LIMIT FILMS.

“No Limit Films is no limit’s film producing and making company.”

Oh, I get it.

“It is headed by top no limit executives, and Master P is also involved in the executive process. A lot of the No Limit Soldiers such as Master P, Silkk, Mystikal, and many others contribute to the acting part of the movies, while others participate behind the cameras.”

I love the No Limit teamwork. All hands on deck. Very positive.

“No Limit films is blowin up in the future, with releases like ‘No Tomorrow’ and ‘I Got the Hook up 2!’ So be sure to look out for its new releases. To see all of the release dates for upcoming NL films Click Here. Also, to purchase No Limit Films products, visit the No Limit Party Store …”

More on that Party Store, later …

“No Limit Films made its big start with the film entitled ‘I’m Bout It’.”

I’ve seen this movie seven times.

“This film featured Master P as an actor, and was about life on the streets. They also made a soundtrack for that movie that went multi-platinum.”

These platinum figures aren’t lies. With that said, in the late ’90s, my Snake 2 score sold 750K.

“Another movie made by No Limit Films was ‘I Got The Hook Up’.”

OK, No Limit Films did start off 2-for-2. Pretty impressive.

“This movie featured Master P, Mystikal, and a few comedians as cell-phone hook ups. They sold cell phones but then got in trouble when the lines ran together.”

A movie about cell phones as cell phones were blowing up. This was 1998’s version of The Social Network.

“This movie is very funny and I recommend you seeing it.”

Classic Mr. Mercenary recommendation.

“LOOK OUT FOR THE SEQUAL [sic] w/ Master P and Kane&Abel Comin in 99!!”

Wow. Kane and Abel. Just wow. I forgot.

“It was another straight hit when MP released ‘Foolish,’ a movie featuring himself and Eddie Griffin as his little comedian brother.”

This is where the wheels began to fall off.

“This movie was excellent in theatres and is out on video now as well.”

That’s pretty much the exact description of Avatar.

“Currently, Master P is on the set filming another movie called ‘No Tomorrow’ which should be released in mid or late ’99. I’m sure it’ll be another straight hit for No Limit Films!”

Nope.

“These are some pics of covers of movies they have made and also still pictures from the movies. Will have more up when they get in!!”

NO LIMIT GEAR.

“No Limit Gear is No Limit’s new clothing line that just came out in stores nationwide on December 1st, 1998.”

I’m pretty curious who in No Limit picked a magic eye colorblindness test to represent No Limit Gear.

“It has clothing straight from the soldiers.”

Oh, OK.

“There are many different clothing items to choose from, including hats, shirts, jerseys, collared shirts, jeans, pants, skullies, jackets, and even shoes. This gear is fairly hard to find, but more and more places are starting to carry it.”

Very rare.

“If you are interested in buying No limit Gear and other No Limit products, visit the No Limit Party Store.”

At some point, we will discuss this Party Store. I promise.

“Part of the NL Gear has been available thru mail order for a while, but now it will be released and very available in hip-hop clothing stores all over the country.

Dillard’s.

“And also, with the new clothing line out, there will be a lot more styles and clothes to choose from, rather than the basic mail order clothes. I will keep you updated on any other news I hear about new NL clothes out or any other news about NL Gear. If you have any info about NL Gear not on this page please email me.”

Don’t forget, “me” = Mr. Mercenary.

“Here are some of the adds [sic] for NL gear and part of the clothing line, as well as NL Shoes. No Limit and Converse have already released “The Converse Smooth” and have made another deal and have released their new shoe, The Allstar MP, which is in stores now.”

Oh man, this definitely happened. I remember this.

“This shoe will be endorsed by Master P himself and comes with a free CD.”

Shoes and CDs were the only things I purchased for five straight years. This deal still gives me chills.

“There are pictures of both the ‘Converse Smooth’ and ‘Converse Allstar MP’ below.”

Oh yes.

Yep, those are parachutes dropping No Limit clothes into an exploding city.

Their number was 99, because it was about to be 1999? Solid idea for a 12-month clothing initiative, Percy.

NO LIMIT TOYS.

“No Limit Toys is No limit’s new toy company.”

Thank GOD.

“It has just been started, and hasn’t made but a few releases. But in the near future, No Limit Toys will be making itself known with releases like the talking soldier dolls and No Limit Video Games.”

I can’t believe we almost got Silkk the Shocker as a Mario-like character. I’m so furious this didn’t happen.

“No Limit Toys has already become known to some after the hit release of the ‘Master P talking doll.’ The doll was released Christmas 1998 and was a sell out.”

Like, the product sold out or the doll was a punk?

“Below are some pictures of the doll. The video game that is being planned is being made for the Playstation game console and is currently in the finishing stages.”

It’s still there.

“It should be out in the next few months.”

Nope.

“Also, some soldier dolls such as Mia X, Snoop, and Silkk dolls are planned to be released sometime soon. Other products soon to be released by NL Toys are a remote controlled tank, soldier action figures, and more!”

The remote-controlled tank would have been my only Christmas wish.

“These toys will be available in toy stores all over the country very soon!”

Nope.

“If you know of anywhere to purchase the toys, please email me. Here are some pics of the toys released by No Limit Toys so far.. There will be more with the new releases!”

I could cry, this is so beautiful. I wasn’t going to do this, but …

COME ON, MISTER MERCENARY, PLEASE ANSWER.

Life isn’t fair.

SOLDIER BOOKS.

“Soldier Books is the book publishing branch of No Limit Records.”

Thank GOD.

“Soldier Books is also the #1 independent publishing company in America. Kane & Abel are the CEO’s of Soldier Books.”

Duh, who doesn’t know this?

“You might not have heard much about Soldier Books in the past, but in the near future they will be blowin up with a lot of new books and other things.”

I have to assume “other things” means flip books.

“They made their debut with the book ‘Behind Enemy Lines/ Eyes Of A Killa’ by Kane & Abel, and ever since have been goin great.”

I love a world where identical twin rappers named after biblical figures are writing books together. Did Kane write “Behind Enemy Lines” and Abel “Eyes of a Killa”? I won’t rest until I found out that answer.

“The book sold very well and Kane&Abel have plans to release another book soon. Here are SOME of the book and magazine covers that are sponsered [sic] by Soldier Books-“

I need this screen-printed on a shirt by midnight.

“To purchase no limit books, please visit our No Limit Party Store.”

IT’S COMING.

“FUTURE PROJECTS: As you may have seen in the covers above, Tank World Magazine, No Limit’s new magazine, will also be sponsored by Soldier Books. A book by Master P, entitled Tears Of A Clown, will as well be published by Soldier Books. If any otha books or magazines will be published by SB, I will let you know..”

Thanks, Mr. Mercenary.

So there you have it, the five Angelfire wings of the No Limit Empire. Thankfully, that’s not the end of the joy that is the No Limit Party. There’s so much more.

I strongly advise you spend four to six hours on this site, as I have. Familiarize yourself with the Party Store, brush up on your TRU names and Soulja Bios, and when you’re finished, introduce yourself to the No Limit Party Staff.

Congrats to Jay-Z and Robinson Cano.