I’m sure there are a few of you out there saying to yourself, “Ashley! Why the hell would you want to air your dirty laundry out there on the internet?!” You might think it’s crazy. You may even be thinking that you don’t want to hear it, that it’s not something that should be talked about, let alone posted for the world to see. But what you need to realize is that life isn’t perfect, and the sooner we all stop pretending it is, the better it will be.

Life gets messy. I know mine has. Look at the world we live in! It’s falling apart. There are islands made of garbage bigger then some countries. Ice caps melting. Animals becoming extinct. Women being told by marketing and the media that if you don’t fit into this one certain body type, you’re not beautiful. Men shouldn’t cry. Gay people and women being murdered just for being born. Billions of animals being slaughtered daily so that we can continue to live our glutinous, consumeristic lifestyle. It’s such bullshit!

So I figure even though I’m just one person, I can do my part by telling the truth. I can talk about my body issues, addictions and eating disorders. You don’t like to hear that I’ve starved myself? Over eaten until I’ve had no other choice but to make myself sick? The fact I’ve snorted more cocaine, taken more MDMA, and drank more alcohol then any person ever should? Well I don’t care! Don’t read it then.

People need to know that it’s OK to not be perfect. It’s OK to make mistakes. How else are you supposed to learn? Imperfection is beauty. We have all been made differently so there would be a wide range of beauty on this planet. Do we yell at babies for not knowing how to walk? Or if they miss their mouth when they’re learning how to eat? Why is it assumed that adults should be perfect, and why do we beat ourselves up when we’re not? We support our best friends when they make mistakes, our partners, but why not ourselves? Why are we so hard on the one person that will be there for us no matter what.

You might think that since I have struggled with eating disorders, and because in my last post I mentioned gaining weight in a negative sense, that I too think having a plus sized body is not OK. That’s not true. I can only speak for myself, and I gain weight when I am not happy. I put on weight because I eat my feelings. Anytime I have gained weight at a rapid rate, it’s because I shoved food in my mouth instead of feeling my feelings and understanding the real issue that was going on. Growing up, I was very over weight, because as a child I felt very unsafe. It has gone the opposite way as well. I have felt my life spinning out of control and I have starved myself to loose weight in order to get some control back.

As long as you’re happy, taking care of yourself, and loving yourself, who cares what your waist size is! Or that you have tons of freckles! That your hair is too frizzy or too straight! You are you and it is beautiful! Don’t you think we should worry about the real issues that are going on in the world today, instead of how many calories we consumed that day? There is so much tragedy going on around us we need to stick together!

My point in all of this is to stop being so hard on yourself! If you’re struggling with something it’s OK to talk about it. Secrets are the silent killer. I kept a lot of secrets and it nearly killed me. Don’t hold it in! If I can post mine for the world to see, you can confide in a close friend or loved one. You don’t feel you can trust anyone? Email me! pureveganlove@gmail.com, I will never judge you. Don’t be ashamed of who you are! You are not alone. You are not a freak. You are a person of divine beauty and it’s OK to be you. So start today by loving yourself for the imperfect, perfection that you are.