ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The country’s peak scientific research body has gone public this morning with their struggle to convince the Prime Minister that this bushfire season is not the rapture and he has to do something about it.

Acknowledging the political class’ request to keep politics out of debate surrounding this spring’s bush fire season, the CSIRO has explained that they’re not trying to start an argument over which group of largely pathetic public servants is to blame for the fires, they just want the man in charge to know that he can’t ride this one out on the Natuzzi.

Late last night, an internal Liberal Party communique was leaked to the media that suggested that Scott Morrison is under the impression that God has lit these fires and the end of the world is now imminent.

The CSIRO has been working tirelessly to convince him otherwise.

Speaking exclusively to The Advocate, a CSIRO spokesman said they’re running out of ideas.

“People have to understand that the person they elected to run this country puts God and his hippy son first before policy, people and even HM The Queen,” they said.

“The Prime Minister thinks this is Judgement Day. He thinks this is the rapture. Ahhhh, I’ve listened to a lot of Pantera at uni but I’m not deaf yet. Has anyone else heard the trumpets that are supposed to ring out when God comes back to Earth to kill us all? Anybody heard the clip-clop of four horsemen galloping down the Pacific Highway? No!”

“We’re running out of idea. We even had Lawerence from genetics, he’s got a deep voice, to call ScoMo and pretend to be God, asking him to listen to the scientists. That didn’t go down very well so we’re expecting budget cuts,”

“If anyone has any idea, feel free to let us know.”

The Advocate reached out to the Prime Minister’s Office for comment but have yet to receive a reply.

More to come.