No china was smashed, it seems. Indeed the vicar’s daughter appeared to have had an oddly tranquilising effect on her host. Was he even a little intimidated by her?

Were you tuning into the Apprentice President for the first time, you might have been disappointed. All the old rules of press conferences with foreign leaders were adhered to. President Donald Trump’s opening remarks were content-free, nice-cup-of-tea, small talk. One of the “great bonds” of the world, he mused. That would be the ‘special relationship’.

He brought up Brexit as a “wonderful thing for your country” after praising himself for purportedly having predicted Remain’s defeat in Britain before it actually happened. The Prime Minister, Theresa May, also reported that he was now “100 per cent with Nato”. That’s a score, if true.

He said he wasn’t averse to the use of torture, an astonishing public statement from a sitting American president. But to make sure there’d be no squabbling over the ‘working lunch’ that was to follow, he said his soon-to-be Defence Secretary, General James Mattis, didn’t agree and he would be deferring to him. Torture won’t be happening. That’s good. Also if true.

Perhaps it was the quaich that did the trick, the Scottish drinking goblet that was just one of the gifts Ms May had brought along with her for the visit. His mum was from Scotland. Actually, from “serious Scotland”, he wanted us to know. It’s not clear which parts of Scotland he would consider not serious. Anyway. There were some Bakewell Tarts too.

They, apparently, were meant for Melania. You can just see her diving into all that pastry and white glue. Oh, and didn’t anyone remind the Prime Minister that Donald Trump is a teetotaler?

More likely, this was a triumph of British sycophancy. In her speech to Republicans in Philadelphia the day before, Ms May said they and Mr Trump had “swept all before them” in last November’s elections. An almost true, but deeply insensitive remark if you want to show at a least a patina of bipartisan empathy. Alongside Mr Trump she hailed his “stunning victory”.

Stunning indeed. Stunned are the charities about to be deprived of US funding because they think family planning is an important part of development policy. Stunned are the refugees of Iraq and Syria, about to be deprived of hope of making it to safety in a country which has been partly or even wholly responsible for the tragedies their lives have become.

Stunned are civil servants in America’s environmental agencies who have been gagged by their own president lest they contradict him to the media. Stunned are election officials who have been told 5 million voted illegally in November when they didn’t. Stunned are the photographers who captured empty spaces at the inauguration only to be told there were none.

Stunned more than anyone is Mexico which finds itself having to deal with the preposterous notion that a wall will now be erected along the border with the United States and the yet more preposterous one that it, not America, should pay for it. It’s American soil it will be built on.

Ms May may have been giddy to be the first foreign leader to enter Trumpland. Enrique Peña Nieto, Mexico’s President, had taken a stand, cancelling his visit to Washington set for next week. What did she have to say about that? Nothing, nothing at all. The special relationship must not be put at risk. She said there might be times the two of them disagree, but that was it.

It’s a shame. The British excel at the quiet but devastating put-down. And admonishment that went right over his head would have been best. It would have cost her nothing politically at home either where Nigel Farage runs his Trump fan-club of one. How about a line about loving thy neighbour as yourself? But it’s Trump First now. Even America First comes second.

If ever there was a time for a Prime Minister not to fawn in the Oval Office it was this week. Has Downing Street grasped all the dangers that the Trump presidency represents? The rupture of the world order that may be about to happen? Where exactly are the interests of Britain and Trump aligned now he’s in office? The EU? He relishes that it might crumble more. America as leader of the world? America First. Return to protectionism. Fortress America.

Take Mr Trump’s word on nothing. Surely we know that by now. Ask Peña Nieto. When he and then candidate Trump held a joint press conference in Mexico City last August, Mr Trump boldly stated they hadn’t discussed who would pay for the border wall. They had. Mr Peña Nieto was reduced to revealing the truth in a Twitter message after Trump had gone.

Why should we believe him when he says he will leave torture matters to Mattis? That he loves Nato all of a sudden? That he won’t rush to lift sanctions on Russia so his affair with Putin is made real. Or he cares at all about a big new trade deal with Britain? Or that he will even remember the name of the British Prime Minister by the time he wakes up the next morning? Yet fawn she had to, because in a Brexit world, America comes first – to Britain. Even more so than it did before.