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In any close relationship, there are times where one individual does something that hurts another. These hurts might be minor (like saying something insensitive) or major (like a partner). The person who was wronged has the option to forgive the transgressor.

is a statement that the particular bad behavior will not affect the relationship going forward. The wronged individual is allowing the relationship to move forward even though something hurtful was done to them.

In a previous blog entry, I talked about the influence of forgiveness on the forgiver. But, what influence does forgiveness have on the forgiven? Does being forgiven for a past action make someone more or less likely to do something bad in the future?

This question was explored in a paper by James McNulty and Michelle Russell in the May, 2016 issue of Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.

These authors suggest that the influence of forgiveness may depend on a person’s level of . Agreeableness is one of the characteristics. It reflects how strongly people are motivated to get along with other people. Highly agreeable people really want to get along well with others. Highly disagreeable people are not that motivated by getting along with others.

In one study, 382 people who were in long-term relationships were surveyed. The average age of the participants was 31, so this sample was not just the college undergraduates typically used in studies. Participants were asked whether their partner tends to forgive their transgressions. They were asked about their likelihood of engaging in a variety of transgressions against their partner in the next month. These included things like , inappropriate spending, and engaging in activities without their partner. Participants also filled out a scale measuring their level of agreeableness.

In this study, both agreeableness and a partner’s propensity to forgive affected participants’ estimates of how likely they would be to transgress in the next month. Agreeable people were much less likely to think they would transgress if their partner was forgiving than if they were not forgiving. In contrast, disagreeable people were much more likely to think they would transgress if their partner was forgiving than if they were not.

There were four studies in this paper that obtained a similar result, but I will describe one more here.

In this study, newlywed couples filled out inventories for agreeableness, as well as other factors that might affect findings like this including , , compassionate love, and relationship satisfaction. At the start of the study, they also rated their partner’s tendency to forgive them when they had done something wrong. Both members of a couple also filled out a daily diary for 14 days in which they indicated whether they had transgressed against their partner by doing something they thought their partner would not like on that day. Each day, they also rated how likely their partner was to be angry with them if they transgressed. Finally, they rated how strongly motivated they were to avoid transgressing the next day.

The basic result was similar to the one I just described. Agreeable people were less likely to transgress when their partner was forgiving than when they were not. Disagreeable people were more likely to transgress when their partner was forgiving than when they were not. This finding could not be explained by differences in narcissism, self-esteem, compassionate love, or relationship satisfaction.

The other variables measured help to explain this difference. The behavior of disagreeable people was influenced by whether they thought their partner would be angry with them for doing something wrong. A forgiving partner is less likely to be angry at the offense, and so disagreeable people are more likely to transgress against a forgiving partner than an unforgiving one.

Agreeable people are motivated by obligations to their partner. When a partner forgives, then an agreeable person feels obligated to refrain from transgressions in the future. So, agreeable people are more motivated to refrain from transgressions when their partner tends to forgive than when they don’t.

These findings demonstrate that the influence of forgiveness is complicated. When you are dealing with an agreeable person, forgiveness is a good strategy, because it creates a bond that decreases the chance that the agreeable person will wrong you in the future. But, when you are dealing with a disagreeable person, forgiveness may backfire, because disagreeable people are more motivated by whether you will be angry with them in the future than by an obligation to repay your forgiveness.

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