Failing to allow for consequences for behavior we would like to see changed is akin to promoting it. A teen who sneaks out his bedroom window after dark but experiences no punishment is likely to think that behavior is okay with his folks. What of the child who asks for an extra cookie, is told no, but takes one anyway? Here’s the lesson she learns: “To heck with rules, to heck with laws. This is my world, and when I want a chocolate chip cookie, I’m taking it. Who is going to stop me?”

Some parents impose consequences with reckless abandon. They are authoritative in nature and expect an extraordinary level of compliance. When parents take away privilege after privilege, eventually children feel there is nothing left to lose. There is no way to discipline a child who just doesn’t care anymore.

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Take away a teen’s phone, computer, and video game at once and the child might lose all motivation to improve behavior. This is the danger of using consequence too frequently or too harshly. Often, parents who are punishing constantly are also forgetting to reward children for their positive behavior. That’s a double whammy.

The last mistake made by parents is putting forth a consequence that has no impact. If mothers and fathers take something away from the child that has zero emotional value, the child will not feel the impact. Therefore, the consequence will have no effect on curbing future behavior. Outcomes to behavior that are not orchestrated by parents are called natural consequences. Children learn from unpleasant moments.