Advertisement Now I Am Me: Meet 3 transgender youth struggling to live authentic lives Transgender youth, families in NorCal find obstacles in path to true identity Share Shares Copy Link Copy

As children grow and develop, some youth are discovering how to feel comfortable in their own skin – their own identity.Kids who are born one sex, but identify as another are medically diagnosed with gender dysphoria. "It was kind of empowering because it was kind of like, ‘Oh OK, I have a name for this this feeling that I have,” 18-year-old Colin said. "I still don't really feel comfortable in my body, but I feel like I know, now, why I am uncomfortable," 15-year-old Tyler Reed said. Children of all ages across Northern California are embracing their true selves and transitioning genders -- with the help of supportive families, community organizations and medication. While learning their own identity as transgender was a difficult path, their struggles were just beginning.DISCOVERING IDENTITYAcross Northern California are transgender children, each with their own story. Those children face powerful milestones, as well as painful challenges and obstacles, as they try live an authentic life. GLOSSARY: Sixteen percent of Americans personally know someone who is transgender, according to a 2015 survey by the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, GLAAD. Meaning, the majority of people will be learning terms related to the transgender community through the news. Here is a list of terms, defined by GLAAD, that you will see throughout KCRA’s story on transgender youth: Tayler "Just trying to figure out, 'OK, what kind of girl do you want to be?'" Katie, mother of 8-year-old Tayler, said. "And I realized, I was asking the wrong question. It wasn't supposed to be, ‘What kind of girl do you want to be?’ It was, ‘Are you a girl?’" Tayler is Katie’s youngest child. The 8-year-old has a passion for superheroes and a strong compassionate side for taking care of stray animals. “(Batman) used to be my favorite because he didn't have no powers or anything. But then I watched ‘Batman vs Superman’ and Superman was a lot nicer,” Tayler said. “(Batman) just kept punching (Superman) when he was just trying to talk." Tayler was assigned female at birth and identifies as male."I thought Tayler was a tomboy, so we struggled so many years with clothes," she said. “’Okay, you want to wear boy clothes, that's fine.’ And I accepted that and moved on. And then the next thing was, ‘Oh you want to cut your hair?’ And I accepted that and I moved on. ‘Okay, I have a little girl in boy clothes that wears short hair.’ You know, it was like baby steps." His social transition started at 4 years old, but Katie learned of Tayler’s gender identity when he was 7. “One day I asked Tayler, ‘Do you feel like you are a girl?’ And Tayler said, ‘No.’" Katie said. "I had never asked that. It never occurred to me over all the years." The family then went to a gender therapist, who diagnosed Tayler with gender dysphoria. "The parent's job is to raise a healthy, happy, well-adjusted kid,” Katie said. “That's your job. You don't pick who your kid is." Colin “I guess I always thought I was like a tomboy, because that's what everybody said I was. One instance in particular that really stands out is that I remember hearing the phrase, ‘Being stuck in the wrong body.’ And it clicked with me.” Colin was in 3rd grade when he first realized his gender identity conflicted with his assigned sex at birth. During his freshman year in high school, a psychiatrist diagnosed Colin with gender dysphoria -- who was designated as female at birth and identifies as male. "It kind of made me feel like, ‘OK, so I'm not the only one that feels like this,’" Colin said.Now 18 years old, Colin lives with his younger sister Shannon and mother Margaret, as he begins to medically transition. "I never thought I would find myself here that's for sure. It was the furthest thing from my mind," Margaret said. "You just you want your child to be complete. You want your child to live an authentic life." Tyler Reed "I want people to know about trans people. I want people to even just use the correct pronouns or be more open -- like if their kid was trans or if one of their coworkers came out or something. I don't want people to discriminate against someone just because they're different." While Tyler Reed is still a teenager, he has the wisdom and maturity of an adult. As a child, he had to figure out on his own why he felt uncomfortable in his body. "Pretty much ever since puberty, I've been like, ‘What's going on? Like why is this wrong?’" he said. "So, that's why I transitioned." Tyler Reed, who is the youngest of four children, was assigned female at birth and began socially transitioning to male at 14 years old. "The only thing that I was kind of familiar with was, you know, gays and lesbians," Tyler Reed’s mom Stacey said. "I knew nothing about people that were transgender. I knew nothing. And I'm still learning. That's the thing -- it's an everyday thing."FIGHTING FOR AUTHENTIC LIFE Research from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention shows that more than 40 percent people in the transgender community have attempted suicide -– which is nearly 10 times more than other people in the U.S. population.Depression and suicide attempts for transgender children occur at an especially high rate -- and are largely dependent on family acceptance, according to the Trans PULSE Project."When we are being forced to act in a way, or present in a way, that doesn't fit with our identity that takes a toll,” Gender Health Center Executive Director Ben Hudson said. “We do see youth suicides among trans folks at very high numbers. Alarmingly high numbers."The Gender Health Center, a Sacramento-based nonprofit, welcomes all groups for counseling and resources -- but focuses on gender identity. Dr. Carol Milazzo, a Roseville-based pediatrician, said she recently saw a transgender teenager and her family. "I could definitely tell that this child was in a desperate place. Very depressed and withdrawn," she recalled. "I could tell that the mother was very much resistant to this."After Milazzo gave them information about transitioning, the teen's mother said no and they left the office."We found out about two months later that this individual committed suicide," Milazzo said. "Those are the stories that really touch my heart and make me even more dedicated to serve the community and to spread the word out there that -- we really need to listen to our children."Research from the American Academy of Pediatrics shows allowing transgender children to socially and medically transition significantly alleviates the condition of gender dysphoria, drastically improving their mental health to a level at -- or superior -- to people the same age in the general population. MEDICAL INTERVENTION: World Professional Association for Transgender Health says it’s important to note that the first steps in transitioning is social: changing pronouns, name, clothing and physical appearance, like hair. Medical options become available for families working closely with a gender therapist and doctor. These physicians follow the WPATH standards of care. With the guidance of a gender therapist and pediatric endocrinologist, children diagnosed with gender dysphoria can pursue medical options to transition after socially transitioning.Tayler "I knew. I knew it was going to be a life-changer with family," Katie said. “I haven't had anything but love and acceptance from everybody -- from coworkers, from school. The only people I have had trouble with are family." The 8-year-old has the support of his mother Katie and 11-year-old sister Hannah. But, not all of Tayler’s family members support his gender identity. "It wasn't that hard. Like right now, I can't really picture Tayler in a dress or anything like that," Hannah said. "He's a boy. You have to accept that. It makes me upset that they won't accept him." Katie’s mother — who is Tayler’s grandmother — and stepfather have cut ties with the family of three. "My family down here used to be very involved in our life. And in the last year, they have completely withdrawn all support," Katie said. "Sad. I got accused of a lot of things -- like I am making my kid be like this." The breaking point came when Katie’s mother and other family members called Child Protective Services. A Sacramento County sheriff's deputy even came out to their home to do a welfare check.Katie's family then took her to court because of Tayler’s gender identity. "They actually filed an emergency restraining order to get me restrained from Tayler,” Katie said. "Going to court, the whole family, the whole extended family, was there. The only people sitting with me was my dad and my stepmom. They accused me of turning Tayler into a boy. And I was very scared. They were trying to get CPS involved." Hudson, with the Gender Health Center, supported Katie and Tayler through the legal process. The judge sided with Katie. It is not uncommon for nonprofits and transgender advocates to step into disputes, either in court or with schools, to educate and inform others about transgender children and the family about legal anti-discrimination rights. Milazzo has stepped in to help during situations where schools call CPS on her transgender patients, thinking the child is being abused by socially transitioning. "Some issues have come up in schools, where teachers have raised questions whether it is proper for a child who is biologically male to be dressed female," Milazzo said. "If necessary, we will go ahead and give some documentation and letters stating that, yes, this individual has this diagnosis."Tayler, his mother and older sister now live closer to supportive family -- Katie’s father and stepmom."We are going to have family, extended family, that all love and accept us,” Katie said. "We are excited." Colin “They were loaded questions -- like, ‘Why would you not want to be a girl? Are you ashamed of being a girl?’ I was just like, ‘No, this is just who I am.’" For Colin, parental acceptance wasn’t immediate. As a teenager, Colin was living with his father and stepmom when he discovered his identity. "’Don't you believe that you were put in that body by God?’ There's a lot of religious questions also, which makes me really uncomfortable,” Colin recalled. "I could not be in that environment." So, Colin moved in with his accepting mother Margaret and sister Shannon. "I had a psychiatrist that I was seeing, and I talked with her a lot. She said basically that it would be a smart decision for me to move (with my mom) so that I can be who I want to be,” Colin said. "(My mom) calls me Colin and makes sure she says the right pronouns. It's a lot better here." "It was very frustrating because when he came out to me, I guess as a mom you're just saying, ‘I don’t care -- I love you. I know who you are and I just love you, and I'm just going to keep loving you,’" Margaret said. “And you can't understand why another person wouldn't do the same thing. So, it's just very frustrating. But who knows, you know, maybe time will tell and it will happen.” For Colin, his mother was on board with medically transitioning, but his father was not. As a minor, he needed both parent’s consent. "I really wanted to do it because, it's like for me, it's like a whole lot harder to pass as male," Colin said. "You wish that they have that full circle of support. You're having to take a lot of it on yourself -- a lot of the support, a lot of the cheerleading, and a lot of the shoulder to cry on. You're having to do it all, and it would be nice to have a co-parent,” Margaret said. “I think it's really hard on the child. And then in turn as a parent, you're seeing the child go through this.” "We wanted to take him to San Francisco to at least get a chance to talk to the endocrinologist there -- and nope,” Margaret explained. “Unfortunately, you do need both parents -- especially when the child is on the ex's medical insurance. That was really frustrating. I remember being in tears when I told Colin, ‘I’m sorry, you're going to have to wait.’" Colin, who is now 18 years old, is preparing to start hormone replacement therapy, or HRT. "I was definitely excited, but I was also nervous because this is something I have been looking forward to for so long," he said. “And all of a sudden, it's like -- now it's here." Tyler Reed “There's been a lot of ups and downs. There's been happy times, and there's been sad times." Tyler Reed began socially transitioning last year. His parents, siblings and extended family are respectful and supportive of his gender identity. "Most of the family, literally probably I'd say 95 percent of the family, has been very supportive, and they go with it,” Tyler Reed’s mom Stacey said. "It's just, it's awesome that our family is so open minded."But, the teenager still faced painful obstacles after discovering his identity. "This last year with the depression, it's been very, very hard on our family. Very difficult,” Stacey said. “Tyler's had two suicide attempts. I think it's because they can't be who they want to be. They feel who they are inside, and they want what's inside to come on the outside. And, I just think they can't find their way to do that." For the 15-year-old, puberty was a traumatic experience. "It's literally like suffering every day until it becomes numb to the point where like suffering is your constant,” Tyler Reed said. “Being in a body that isn’t how you feel mentally sucks. You could go through eating disorders and you can go through self-harm.” He said his family is "big and curvy." Tyler Reed binds his chest, saying it constricts and makes it hard to breathe."I feel like I've always kind of been depressed ever since maybe the 4th or 5th grade -- and you don't know why,” he said. "Your body starts changing. Being a boy that has a period -- it's not fun at all."Tyler Reed’s family is open to discussing hormone therapy with a doctor this year. “Once you have a suicide attempt -- I was scared. I was scared for his life," Stacey said. "So for (Tyler Reed), that's how I see (transition) -- to make him healthy. It's to make him healthy mentally." "To the people who don't accept trans people, I would say, ‘What is the problem with you? They're just a person. They just want to be themselves.’ I don’t understand," Tyler Reed said. "Would you rather have your child kill themselves, or would you rather just use the correct pronouns?”HOPE COMES FROM SUPPORTThere isn’t a “transgender handbook.” Each person decides on their own terms how to live authentically as themselves. Despite facing adversity, family and community support perseveres.Dr. Carol Milazzo, a Roseville-based pediatrician, has been treating transgender patients of all ages for more than a decade. "You have to consider, ‘What is the alternative?’ When you have a child that is completely depressed, withdrawn, feels very uncomfortable when you are trying to put them in a gender where they don't feel comfortable. And (then) you see them completely blossom, and reach out and make connections with other people, and become a happy child,” Milazzo explained. “That's the difference. And that's the motivation to really be advocates for these children." Tayler "Tayler is such a happy, well-adjusted kid,” Katie said. “I am so happy that Tayler is mine, and he doesn't have to grow up feeling lost." Although portions of Tayler’s family are unsupportive of his gender identity, his mom Katie and 11-year-old sister Hannah make up a healthy household."I have to say the hardest thing has not been, ‘Oh now, I have a boy instead of two daughters-- I have a son and a daughter.’ That has been surprisingly easy for me,” Katie said. “The hardest part has been that Tayler wants all the pictures of when he was a little girl hidden and put away. And that's really hard because that's still my baby -- and I don't want to lose that part, but I understand.” "He shares a lot. He is really nice and caring," Hannah said. "Kids are easier. They are more accepting and stuff." Colin "It's a lot better living here because (my mom) totally accepts all of this. And, she wants to help me get through my transition." Colin is surrounded with his supportive mom Margaret and younger sister Shannon. The family has bonded since his transition, becoming advocates and a support system for the LGBTQ community. "We can always rely on each other to be there for each other," Shannon said. "I think it has made me more of an activist. I guess, I was a person that minded their own business,” Margaret said. “I know it’s not easy. But, it's a lot easier than losing your child. Don't let your stubbornness, and your ignorance, and your fear alienate you from your child forever." Tyler Reed "Communities are just kind of important. Whether you are in the LGBT community or not,” Tyler Reed said. “You want to have people be there for you and to support you." For Tyler Reed, support starts with his parents Stacey and Todd, as well as extended family, who respect and are protective of the 15-year-old’s gender identity. "You cannot harass children. You're going to break them. They are still children,” Stacey said. “That's what I worry about, is that people are not getting the support that they deserve and they're going to break. And I think that's why the suicide rate is so high." For the teenager and his family, the journey is a learning process. "I wasn't going to disown my child. I think my thing was I had questions," Stacey explained. "Just like everything with a parent, you want your child to be happy. I think that's the most important thing." The transgender community thrives online — where YouTube, Tumblr and social media are filled with children and adults documenting their individual journeys.“I have lots of friends on the internet who are trans or non-binary, and we just sort of support each other,” Tyler Reed said. “Have you heard of Chase Ross? He’s one of my favorite trans YouTubers.” Chase Ross is based in Montreal, Canada. The 25-year-old has been sharing his transgender journey for more than a decade. “Honestly, YouTube has been everything. It has been my support system throughout the last six to 10 years,” Ross said. "It would make me feel so much better to know that I wasn't alone. And I think that after a while, I realized that no matter what feeling you have, there is no way you are alone in it. It's impossible." Ross is part of a digital community that serves as online mentors to people navigating how best to transition and feel comfortable. "The online space makes it so much easier to connect with other people -- especially people who are younger and who are scared that their parents are never going to accept them," Ross explained. “I think my channel has been a good place to come to feel validated and accepted." Ross uses humor and vulnerability to share his personal journey of gender identity, including topics concerning mental health, using hormone replacement therapy and gender reassignment surgery. "If you see someone who is 25, and who is still transitioning, but has a life,” Ross said. "I am a grad student, I work at a running store -- I run a lot -- and I have a successful YouTube channel. I do all of these things – and I am also trans.” Ross also takes a photo every single day, compiling them each year to capture his transition.“In the beginning, that's all you ever think about, ‘Oh, the next step to transition, maybe I am going to get my name changed, maybe I will go on hormones, maybe I won’t,’" Ross explained. "But after you're are done with however many steps you want to complete, there is kind of like a normalcy -- like, ‘I don't have anything to worry about it anymore. Like, I am good. I can live my life.’" WHAT’S NEXTAcceptance for the transgender community is growing -- whether it’s due to legal battles, organizations like Boy Scouts of America allowing transgender boys into the organization, award-winning TV shows such as “Transparent” or “Orange is the New Black,” or celebrities promoting tolerance."The facts are: a person's gender identity is pretty much fixed by the time that they are 3 years of age. And there is no way that you can actually change them,” Milazzo explained. “Back when I started 12 years ago, it was extremely controversial. It's become less so because there is more understanding."But the medical journey comes with obstacles surrounding coverage. California law, and most recently the Affordable Care Act, make it illegal to deny care to transgender patients.However, this community still needs to advocate for affordable providers and coverage. The Gender Health Center provides resources to understand legal rights. "It’s not difficult to find compassionate people in a healthcare industry. I think it’s whether or not they are going to feel like they can help you," Hudson, with the health center, explained. "You can go and see a provider and it's a crap-shoot as to whether or not that provider is going to be able to help you, willing to help you -- help you in a culturally competent manner -- and in a manner that's sensitive to who you are." There is also still more to learn about the long-term effects of medical interventions for transgender youth. RESOURCES: For those looking for help, here ia a list of resources from local, regional and national organizations dedicated to helping the transgender community and their families. *Denotes organizations that are suicide prevention hotlines UCSF Benioff Children’s Hospital is home to a multidisciplinary Child and Adolescent Gender Center, or CAGC — with directors in medicine, mental health, legal advocacy and education advocacy to support families determining the best way to transition. The clinic is the first of its kind west of the Mississippi, and possibly the country, capable of providing a spectrum of services for the transgender youth community. "I personally saw my first transgender patient here in January of 2009," UCSF CAGC Medical Director Stephen Rosenthal. "We now have well over 400 families in the program. We are having, on average, more than 10 new patients referred every month. It certainly has exceeded anything I had ever really anticipated." But the United States is playing catch-up to research the long-term effects of transgender children transitioning through social, medical and surgical means. The Netherlands are considered pioneers in the field. For over 20 years, the country has provided quantifiable data for the transgender community, explains Rosenthal. However there is a need for more data. "There has been only one or two publications from the Netherlands within the last couple of years that have given us any kind of information about the mental health outcomes, and some of the other physiological outcomes that we are concerned about -- such as bone health," Rosenthal said. For the very first time, the United States is investing to learn about the long-term effects of allowing transgender children to transition. UCSF, along with three other centers, begun a nearly $6 million, 5-year study concerning transgender youth on behalf of a National Institute for Health federal grant. "Really, every time we are in clinic and just seeing, in front of our eyes, how so many people's lives really turn around when they have the opportunity to have this gender affirmative care," Rosenthal said. "We are really excited to move the field forward." Tayler "When you force a kid to be somebody they are not, that has a lasting impact for the rest of their life," Katie said. “As a parent, you want what's best for your child." Tayler still has time before puberty, but it is a topic the 8-year-old worries about. "Tayler brings it up weekly. There is a lot of fear about developing," Katie explained. “Because kids that identify as one gender, and then hit puberty and really start looking like the gender they don't identify as, a lot of self-resentment would come out of that." Katie is open to the option of hormone blockers, pausing puberty when Tayler begins to develop. “I believe at this point, hormone blockers would be the best way to go to protect Tayler's self-esteem through high school. And if at any point Tayler wanted to reverse that, Tayler could,” Katie said. "I just tell Tayler, ‘We will cross that bridge when we get there.’" Colin "I have more confidence, because it's like, ‘OK I'm an adult,’” Colin said. “I can make my own decisions in life now." The 18-year-old is embarking on a journey of medical transition and legally changing his name with the support of his mom Margaret and younger sister Shannon. "Before Colin had come out, he was anxious, he was depressed, he was prone to being angry,” Margaret explained. “When he came out and started living his authentic self, it was like all of that disappeared. So how can they say that it doesn't make a difference? How can they say that the kids don't know?" "I would like to be there every step of the way in the transition. I mean I was there every step of the way when he was born,” Margaret added. “I just remember how happy and wonderful that moment was. I think I'll be equally happy when he finally is able to transition." Colin understands there is still pushback from society and hopes that sharing his story will help create empathy and compassion. "Every time I see something about trans people on Facebook -- I know it's horrible for me to do this -- but I read through every single comment on that thread,” he said. “There are so many ones that are just horrible -- people just saying horrible things. And it just makes me feel bad about myself. I have to remind myself, ‘I'm just a person just like them, and they dehumanize us.’ It's just a horrible feeling. So, I just wish people would stop doing that." Tyler Reed "I want people to know about trans people,” Tyler Reed said. “People are people whether they're different or not." With the support of his family, Tyler Reed will begin exploring HRT to start medically transitioning after his 16th birthday. "I hope I can see a doctor and get on HRT. And then hopefully, by the time I am 18 or 19, I can get top surgery," Tyler Reed said. "(Medical) transition is really just a waiting game. You just wait and hope." "I don't believe that you wake up one day and just say ‘I'm gay, or I'm transgender.’ I don't believe that,” Tyler Reed’s mom Stacey said. “I believe that you are born that way. So just like my hair is brown, my eyes are green. Same with Tyler." Still a teenager, Tyler Reed has a self-awareness and confidence beyond his age that allows the teen to become an advocate and stand up for kids discovering their gender identity. "I really look forward to being a dad. I look forward to the future," Tyler Reed said. "I feel like I was raised to unapologetically be myself. To the people who don't accept trans people, I would say, ‘What is the problem with you? They're just a person. They just want to be themselves.’" ----A KCRA series, “Now I Am Me,” shares the journey of transgender children — and their families — as they each decide how to become their true self. A Facebook Live conversation with Tyler Reed gained hundreds of comments and more than 26,000 views. You can watch it here: