THIS week, Mr Trump retweeted some videos from an extreme right-wing British organisation called Sons Of Anarchy, or something like that.

One showed harrowing scenes of a Muslim dropping a pot virgin Mary on the floor.

7 Trump is nothing more that Hermann Goering in a nylon wig, says Jeremy Clarkson Credit: AP:Associated Press

Where it broke. And this was seen as the clearest ­evidence yet that the President of ­America is nothing more that Hermann Goering in a nylon wig.

That he is a bigot and a racist and a Nazi.

Immediately, he was told by every ­single person in the world that he’d been foolish and stupid. That there was no space in the world for right-wing hate groups and that he should apologise for supporting one of them.

But he did no such thing. Instead he fired off a defensive tweet to a housewife in Bognor Regis, believing her to be Theresa May.

7 Trump fired off a defensive tweet to a housewife in Bognor Regis, believing her to be Theresa May Credit: Getty Images - Getty

This was seen as further evidence of the man’s lunacy and the calls for him to be impeached, stabbed, banned from social media, imprisoned, hung, drawn and poisoned reached fever pitch.

I daresay a few skinheads in South London and the odd Austrian businessman were thinking he had a point. But they were given no platform to air their views.

Because today, the first ­commandment says: “Thou shall not be too far from the right of centre”.

And if thou are, Gary Lineker will strike down upon thee with great ­vengeance and furious anger.

Weirdly however, you are allowed to support far Left groups.



Weird beard carried by greased eunuchs

Jeremy Corbyn stands up and says he’ll turn all the banks into a workers’ ­collective and the room goes berserk with joy. He says that his terrorist mates in Hamas have a point and people spasm with excitement. He explains that he is fully supportive of the regime in ­Venezuela and he’s revered as a god.

He is as far to the Left as Trump is to the Right but no one seems to have a problem with that.

Worse.

7 Corbyn is as far to the Left as Trump is to the Right, says Clarkson Credit: Getty Images - Getty

I was at a glittering gala do a couple of months ago and when Corbyn came into the room, he was given a standing ovation. The woman next to me — a sensible person who could hold a knife and fork and form a sentence — said: “I love that man.”

Later, in his speech, she claimed that she’d stuck to her seat.

I don’t get this. In my mind, all forms of extremism are wrong. But I’m ­obviously missing something.

Because in three years’ time, the world’s most famous right-winger will have been hurled from the White House into a life of oblivion and misery.

While weird beard Corbyn will be ­carried by the greased eunuchs of Twitter on a golden throne into the Houses of Parliament where he will set about ­making sure all of the animals are equal. Except him of course. And his ­ex-squeeze Diane Abbott. And all the other pigs.

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Gunning for bike bandits

7 The number of crimes involving motorcycles has leaped from 5,000 to 16,000 in a year Credit: METROPOLITAN POLICE

IN just one year the number of crimes involving motorcycles has leaped from 5,000 to 16,000.

In the last month, two girls in my office have had their phones nicked by pillion riders on stolen mopeds.

And only last night I watched a gang of bikers block in a car while their mates helped themselves to whatever was in the boot and the back seat.

No one ever sees their faces because they wear helmets and no one can ever catch them because they’re on bikes.

By the time you notice you’ve been robbed, they’re round the corner and out of sight. For good.

Some are wondering out loud how on earth this sort of crime can ever be stopped.

Well, the answer is easy if you think about it.

We don’t really have gun crime here because guns are banned and hard to come by.

So if you don’t want motorcycle crime . . .

BORDER ON FARCE BEFORE being granted asylum in ­Britain you have to prove that you would be ­persecuted if you were sent home. Which is why a thousand Pakistanis in the last two years have rocked up in ­Britain ­claiming to be gay. They’ve all pointed out that if they were sent back to their Muslim country, they would be locked up in prison. It’s a tricky one this, because how do the authorities find out if someone really is a homosexual when they are sitting in a Border Force interview room? Yes, I thought what you’re thinking, but I’m not sure it’d be allowed in this day and age.

One sign is a last resort

7 Dawlish in South Devon has been labelled Britain’s bossiest town Credit: Alamy

A HOLIDAY resort in South Devon has been labelled Britain’s bossiest town after visitors noticed that every few yards there’s a sign telling them what they cannot do.

It amounts to pretty much everything. They can’t run their car engines when stationary, or feed the birds, or launch a boat, or ride a bicycle, or a skateboard or a scooter or let their dogs off a lead.

The list is endless.

And now the mayor has agreed that something needs to be done.

I have an idea. A one-off catch-all request that could be used to replace everything else.

Simply erect a sign at the edge of the town saying “Welcome to Dawlish. Please try not to be an ar*e”.



Key threat to expensive cars

7 Crims stand outside your front door until their box of tricks picks up the signal the key is emitting Credit: Alamy

YOU may have heard that car thieves are now using portable electronic booster stations to nick expensive models that have a keyless entry ­system.

The crims simply stand outside your front door until their box of tricks picks up the signal the key is emitting from its resting place on the hall table.

This signal is then amplified so that it reaches the car on the street. And hey presto, the door can be opened and the engine started.

Police are saying we should put our keys as far away as possible from the door or windows. But that’s annoying so I have a better idea. Why don’t car makers invent a simple device that could be inserted into a lock on the car’s door.

The same device could then be used to start the engine by ­putting it into a slot on the dash and maybe ­turning it to the right.

Who knows? Such a thing might even catch on.

TIME TO MAN UP PLANS have been announced which would allow children to choose what sex they are without them needing a note from the doctor. This will be very ­useful at public ­lavatories where women can suddenly choose to be men to avoid the lengthy queues outside the ladies. But it probably won’t go down quite so well with the Royal Family. What if, for example, the day before her ­coronation as Queen, a royal daughter ­suddenly says: “You know what. I’ve just decided I’m a man”?

CHURCH CONFUSION THE vicar who recently invited a Muslim to address his congregation and explain why Jesus was not the son of God has been at it again. He has called for everyone to pray that Prince George grows up to be gay. Meanwhile, his bosses continue to wonder why church attendance figures are in free fall.

Lewd landlord

7 Sexism is still rife, as my friend's experience with her landlord proves Credit: Getty - Contributor

A FRIEND who left her rented flat last week is struggling to get the deposit back from the landlord.

To try and explain why he’s decided to keep it, he wrote to her saying “as a woman, you may find it difficult to understand how the law works.”

It is weird. I really did think that sexism was pretty much a thing of the past but when you read stuff like that, you realise there’s still a very long way to go.