If this feels like a diatribe, that’s because it is: The Rockies should bid good riddance to the Tooth Trot at Coors Field.

After watching baseball’s original live-action character race all week in Milwaukee, where the Sausage Race has gotten fans standing and cheering with genuine enthusiasm since 1993, the cheapness of Colorado’s own knock-off only becomes amplified.

The biggest issue with the Tooth Trot is that — unlike the Sausage Race and the President’s Race that has been a D.C. tradition since 2006 — there’s no local tie-in between teeth and the great state of Colorado.

Have you ever once met anyone over the age of three who is a fan of the competition between Toothy (a tooth), Fresh (a toothpaste tube) and Bristles (a brush)? As pointed out by the Tooth Trot’s plentiful critics on Twitter, there are a hundred different ways the Rockies could go with this race to actually make it an enjoyable, authentic part of the Coors Field experience.

Instead, it’s just an embarrassing gimmick.

The only actual entertainment derived from the Tooth Trot is when the schtick goes awry. That happened April 21 when Bristles and Fresh took each other down during the race, and then again a few days later when Toothy near ran into Daniel Murphy as the first baseman was heading out to the field.

So what do you say, Rockies? How about trashing the meaningless Tooth Trot and replacing it with the Beer Bolt with various local microbreweries represented as running bottles? Or what about the Mountain Run (three anthropomorphic 14ers) or the Dinosaur Dash (Dinger races a stegosaurus and a long-neck)?

If it’s about the cash, I’m sure an array of local companies would come in and sponsor a new, Colorado-themed race. Or, Comfort Dental could do away with their current characters and sponsor a new theme. Just about anything would be better than the blasphemy of baseball entertainment that is the Tooth Trot.

— Kyle Newman, The Denver Post

What’s on Tap

Arizona Diamondbacks, 6:10 p.m. Saturday, ATTRM

Arizona Diamondbacks, 1:10 p.m. Sunday, ATTRM

Must-Read

Aaron Cook was lost. It turned out that all he needed was a horse and the love of a good woman to rediscover himself. Read more…

For Rockies starter Tyler Anderson, Friday’s game was another nightmare, and his place in the rotation is certainly in jeopardy. Read more…

I’ve watched “Field of Dreams” from beginning to end at least 10 times, and it always leaves me misty-eyed. I’ll admit it, I’m a sucker for sentimental baseball movies. That said, here is my list of the 10 best baseball movies of all time.

Quick Hits

+ Scott Oberg, Bryan Shaw anchoring Rockies’ strong bullpen in early going

+ Rockies infield prospect Colton Welker, now in Double-A Hartford, continues to rake at the plate

+ Rockies southpaw relievers getting closer to returning as critical early May homestand looms

+ Rockies podcast: Stu Cole on a quarter-century with Colorado, his playing career, baserunning strategy and more

+ Rockies podcast: Kyle Freeland on roller-coaster start, finger blister, competing against Olympians and more

+ German Marquez’s potential gem falls apart, Rockies’ bats show up too late as Brewers beat Colorado again

+ Rockies Mailbag: Have a question about the team? Ask Patrick Saunders here.

+ Want to chat about the Rockies? Ask to join our closed discussion group on Facebook.

By The Numbers

1,144

Players hit 1,144 home runs in 874 games through April 30, according to the Elias Sports Bureau, an average of 1.31 per game. That is on track to break the record average of 1.26 set two years ago. Read more…

Parting Shot

“Maybe if we were doing a little better maybe we would be doing it, but you can’t be losing and playing Fortnite in the clubhouse.” Read more…

Get in Touch

If you see something that’s cause for question or have a comment, thought or suggestion, email me at jbailey@denverpost.com or tweet me @beetbailey.