Wanna know what happens when two foul-mouthed egotistical blondes with a vendetta team-up? You’re about to find out! Stassi Schroeder was the most recent guest on Brandi Glanville Unfiltered. And while it wasn’t quite pimps, hoes, and pornos levels of raunchy, it was far from genteel girl talk!

Brandi begins by giving her feedback on the joys of Vanderpump Rules, “The guys, you can all kind of group them together because they’re all kind of the same person – I think half of them are gay. They’re all on drugs – or half of them are. They’re manginas – not in a good way.” But Brandi actually praises the show as “just great to watch!” Which makes it quite the departure from the reality show Brandi is on, in which at least one person is high on drugs, and at least two people make it not great to watch. I won’t name, names…

Speaking of which, Brandi does take a moment to talk Kim Richards. “Everyone is calling me – TMZ – everyone under the sun. I don’t know anything. We talked before she left and she was in a good place. She’s not returning my texts – which she always does. It’s just frustrating. I don’t want anything bad to happen to her because she has a really good heart at the end of the day.”

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Describing Kim as “a little nutty” Brandi adds, “She’s got a history – her life is really interesting! There’s more there if you delve deeper. I’ve texted her since she’s been gone and I haven’t heard back and I’m just praying for her.” Brandi praying… I imagine it goes like this: ‘Dear God, it’s me, Brandi. PleasePleasePlease don’t let the tabloids catch Kim with a bottle of my wine! That would be like so OhMiGawd not good publicity for like my awesome adult beverage. And mama has billz to pay because my deadbeat ex will only take the kids on like 17 vacations a year. Loser! And please let LeAnn’s boobs pop. On Twitter!’ (OK, I added that – Brandi never said this)

Moving on – haha! – Brandi confirms she is moving again. But it’s not her fault. Her lease is up in July and the owners are selling the house, “for more money than I can afford to pay for it.” So if it sells she’s moving. Brandi, the Beverly Hills Vagabond. Brandi wants to stay because the “house is great” except for that time it was broken into! “Everything I had was stolen – all my Louis Vuitton luggage… which is sad. But it’s just things – the kids and I are fine!” Stolen?

And finally with all those pesky rumors cleared up, Brandi welcomes Stassi and they start gabbing! Stassi again clarifies she was NOT fired but decided to quit. “I was told if I ever want to come back to just give them a call,” Stassi insists.

Brandi interrupts – because this is BRANDI’S PODCAST about BRANDI no matter who the guest is or what the topic is – to tell Stassi the show will suck without her one-liners. “It will be different kind of show – it will still be great,” Stassi interjected.

Stassi complains about Lisa Vanderpump lying to TMZ about how she personally fired Stassi, “We all know it’s not just one person who can fire you – it’s a team of people who make that decision,” interrupts Brandi. “Or else Kristen would have been gone a long time ago!”

“I remember Lisa saying to me how much she haaaaated her,” Brandi laughs. “And I was like she’s good TV!” Brandi asks Stassi if Kristen Doute really is that crazy, “I like Kristen. She’s a little out there,” confirms Stassi. “But she is smart. And she’s just kind of willing to do whatever for the sake of a good show.”

Stassi gabs on her fashion blog and confirms she also quit writing for Pandora’s website. “Oh – I didn’t even know she had a website,” snarks Brandi, who then advises Stassi to “collaborate” with someone else on her blog. Cause Brandi, who can’t even write her own Bravo blogs, is the expert. “I don’t want anyone telling me what to do,” says Stassi. “I’m the same!” squeals Brandi – who is 2o years older than Stassi.

This spirals into Stassi explaining how she came to work at SUR her senior of college, and was about to quit when Bravo came a’knockin “I was like, well, shit – I’m not gonna find a real job now!” she laughs. “I just kept working there and working there and then we shot the show. And then I was like I hate this, I just can’t do this anymore!”

Stassi also talks about being on Amazing Race as a teenager and laughs about how embarrassing it was to be living out your most mortifying teenaged years on television. Brandi points out she was a brat on that show too and is still a brat, but this is supposed to be a compliment. “It’s just in my nature to be a little bratty,” agrees Stassi.

Brandi gushes about Stassi’s teeth and asks if they’re fake (they’re not – she’s just genetically blessed with good teeth) and then Brandi rambles on and on about how much she hates veneers and could never date a guy with veneers – or bad teeth.

Then Brandi launches into asking Stassi about her boyfriend Patrick – they’re still together – but living apart to recapture the romance(!!). Explaining why Patrick never appeared on Vanderpump Rules, Stassi says “He was so not interested. He doesn’t like being in front of the camera.” However if they got offered a solo show, as a couple, that wasn’t “so dark and gossipy” Patrick would would consider it. “He just didn’t like the game of Vanderpump Rules. He just saw that I was constantly upset; constantly getting my feelings hurt. I couldn’t see him being on camera fighting with Jax or Tom – it’s just not his personality.”

Stassi explains what happened with Saint Patrick, God of All Mankind. “We became besties – we got into this rut – and it wasn’t what it should be.” Now they’re renting two apartments but going back and forth. “If we’re feeling like we want to be alone, we can be alone.” Uh-huh. Stassi says it’s working out great because Patrick is being romantic. “We’re trying to figure it out,” she insists, adding that she “hopes” he’s “the one.”

Dishing on the men of Sur, Stassi describes their dynamic as “incredibly weird” – especially the fighting. Brandi ponders the grooming habits and crying, asking how many of them are bi-sexual. “Definitely one,” answers Stassi, “Maybe more – nothing would surprise me!” I wonder who she’s talking about… Brandi calls them “male-model straight – like they’re straight but would suck a d–k to get a job.”

“That’s what I think too,” agrees Stassi, noting that she didn’t understand that when she started dating Jax. “I was just too young to realize a bunch of stuff back then. Now that I’m out of that situation I notice a lot more.”

Then Brandi asks Stassi about the staff doing drugs because at the reunion everyone seemed “Jacked For Jesus” except for Stassi and Scheana Marie. “A bunch of them do the blow, but we were all addicted to Adderall,” admits Stassi. [As a person with ADD – I seriously cannot comprehend Adderall getting people high].

Stassi is clean now. “It’s been a year. I quit smoking and Adderall at the same time. I miss Adderall everyday. Every. Day. I love, like, being able to focus. I can drink as much as I want and I am just still totally on point.” So I guess we know what explains Stassi’s sudden weight gain – “love pounds” my ass (actually hers!).

“When I started season 3, I had just quit Adderall. I was like ‘I’m not gonna be good. I don’t know if I can actually do this without taking a drug,'” says Stassi. Well this explains Stassi’s seriously foul attitude this season as well! Stassi confirms she doesn’t have ADD. “I didn’t need it. None of my castmates needed it. But Oh. My. God – I was so skinny when I was on it – it was the best!”

Stassi also confirms Scheana was not using Adderall, prompting Brandi to interject, “No – she’d be thinner.”

Brandi tells the scintillating story of taking her friend’s Adderall one day and how it was the first time in her life her house wasn’t covered in dog feces, but she was so busy she kept eating and eating. “I was cracked out of my mind! I cleaned the whole house. I was just cleaning, then eating. If I were on it I would be a fat kid – which sucks – I wish there was something I could take to suppress my appetite. Now that I have kids, recreational drugs are no longer my thing – sadly.” Wine is apparently not a recreation drug in Brandi World.

Then the ladies talk ‘the villain edit’ which Stassi got this season. “I thought I could just be honest and call out all of this bullshit,” she explains. “No – that just makes you the bad guy. Because when people are watching the show, people are all about the cast and I’m just on the outside like, these people are losers.”

“Don’t you think – everyone gets a season?” Brandi wonders. “Like, you had a couple seasons where you could say the exact same thing and you were the golden child?” “Actually, that is accurate – I do feel that way,” agrees Stassi.

Then Brandi launches into complaining about how RHOBH isn’t faaaa-aaair! “Lisa Rinna got a golden pass,” Brandi pouts. “She could say whatever she wanted and everyone loved her – even though half the shit she said was horrible! (sounds like sour grapes from Ms. Brandi!). But I’m telling you – she’ll have her moment,” Brandi anticipates.

“We’re being paid to be dramatic – it’s a crazy job,” muses Stassi. “I felt responsible when nothing was happening. It’s hard because the other ladies just will sit there… ” complains Brandi.

“Ab-SO-Lutely! I can’t even begin to explain,” Stassi enthuses. “I would just start being bitchy. It would drive me nuts because I would be like you guys are just getting free rides – you don’t have to do anything, you just sit back and be boring, and rely on the fact that I’ll be like…”

On leaving the show over the fake drama, Stassi says it was hard. “I still get stressed out about that fact, like, ‘Did I make the wrong decision – I’m turning down all this money,” acknowledges Stassi. “I doubt myself sometimes, and then I think about it and I’m like, ‘What the f–k else are they gonna do?! It’s all the same shit – like who’s gonna be cheating on each other this time. You can’t keep going like that! Whatever they do, I’m sure it’ll be salacious and amazing…” Brandi predicts they’ll bring in new cast members, “because everyone’s slept with everyone.”

Now that she’s done with reality TV, Stassi says her ultimate goal is to work in fashion, but, “Do I like being dramatic and filming a reality show? Absolutely.” She wishes Bravo had a fashion show similar to ‘Fashion Police.’ – Hint, hint!

They switch to Vail Bloom, who is not returning to the show. “I knew Vail – like back in the day – she dated a friend of mine,” reminisces Brandi. “She was a legit actress and won an Emmy. I was like ‘What the f–k are you doing on Vanderpump Rules!?’ Her boyfriend at the time – I was dating his friend – he had like a private jet, we were fancy… ” Brandi is disappointed Vail stooped to reality TV and is glad she quit and moved on to Chris Pine. Stassi thinks the relationship is a PR stunt, but Brandi believes it’s real because she doesn’t understand how Chris would benefit from dating Vail. “Most actors that I know they don’t like or respect anything to do with reality television.”

“I’m under the impression that Vail and Chris Pine have known each other for a long time,” says Stassi. “I know three girls at SUR who have dated Chris Pine. Chris Pine’s always been part of the chatter at SUR since five-years-ago when I started working there.” So how did Stassi end up with Jax?! Should have set her sights a little higher… well, maybe being higher was actually the problem, so never mind!

Interestingly Brandi calls Stassi out on giving her rules for what can and cannot be discussed on the show. “You’re the only one who’s ever done that.” Stassi pauses for a long time and then says, “Jax. I won’t talk about Jax. Because I’ve been so used to my public image being linked to Jax and I am just trying to do everything to get away. I am being straight-up by not talking about him, because he’s not in my life. There’s nothing for me to say.” Brandi says she never planned to ask about Jax.

They close talking about hair and Brandi reveals she does her own hair color(!!!!!!!) because she can’t find someone who doesn’t charge her $400 for color.

TELL US – ARE YOU SURPRISED TO LEARN THE CAST OF VANDERPUMP RULES USED ADDERALL? WILL STASSI RETURN TO REALITY TV? WILL HER RELATIONSHIP WITH PATRICK LAST?

[Photo Credit: Twitter]