I Think a Woman Can Be Beautiful Without Makeup, Fancy Clothes, or Even a Pulse

I guess you could call me a feminist. I know some women out there might be skeptical that a heterosexual man such as myself could truly earn that title, but I’m not your average guy. I think a woman can be beautiful without expensive makeup, fancy clothes, or even a pulse.

Despite what the media tries to feed us, I celebrate women of all types. Curvy hips? I love it. Freckles? Wow! Honestly, whether you’re 4’9” or 6’4”, I can’t help but think you’re gorgeous. Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve been attracted to females that don’t fit standard depictions of “hot,” “sexy,” or “breathing.”

Having such unconventional taste can be hard in a society that shames anyone who swims against the current. Luckily, I have a great support group of positive-thinking friends and family.

In high school, when I dated unconventional girls, my friends never wavered. “Dude, take what you can get,” they’d say. When I’d bring these girls home for dinner, my mom would help me out with great advice like, “Dude, take what you can get.”

Having so many good people in my life was such a blessing as my preferences became increasingly more unorthodox. No one ever batted an eye when I dated a girl for six months who ate her toe nail clippings in public, or when I got engaged to a lady who was on death row for blowing up a post office (R.I.P. Brenda). As the years went on, and after both of those girls broke up with me, my friends supported me whether I picked girls up from the bus stop, a WebMD forum, or even the county morgue.

In recent years, I’ve worked to become even more progressive in my sexual proclivities. As a forward-thinking feminist, I think it’s crazy that we penalize women for not having big breasts, a tiny waist, or observable brain function.

Related: 3 Things You MUST Scream Before You Die!

Did you know that only 7% of all the women who have ever lived are alive right now? That means that 93% of females are being denied the same sexual rights we so freely give to every living man.

Ugh.

If the sexist media had its way, these beautiful post-life ladies would never again know the loving caress of a sensitive man. I’m sure I can speak for everyone when I say, “Ew!”

I simply can’t remain complacent in such a hypocritical society. I am doing my part to fight back against lifeist mentalities by empowering women at my local cemetery every single night (sometimes up to three or four times a night, depending what time the sun rises). The good news is, any guy can be a feminist just like me. All you need is an open mind, an honest heart, and a good shovel.

Article by Ted Pillow @TedPillow