The Arranged Marriage dilemma

55% of the marriages that occur in the world today are arranged marriages. The rate of arranged marriages in India is 90%. 90 fucking percent- it’s like men are just giving up their right to freedom by will.

Women want to get married because it’s a win-win situation for them either way. If the marriage is successful, the woman gets to quench her thirst for attention, companionship, financial support and if it doesn’t, she gets to keep half of all the shit you have ever earned. Doesn’t matter if you have earned it before ever knowing her. The second you put a ring on that finger, you are giving away half of your shit. It’s like a lottery but just the opposite way. In this lottery, you just lose all your money, freedom and your house.

And to be honest, Most Indian men get married due to family pressure, most of us young men have family members dotting on us to give them a grandchild and continue the progeny. We men as adults don’t even have control over an aspect that will change your life forever.

I have seen men go through their own marriage, like they are going clothes shopping.

“Oh, I can get married over the weekend and get back to the office on Monday to finish that important meeting. “

Then years later they are sitting in a marriage that has failed and is loveless because they didn’t spend the time to vet or know the person they are getting married to.

How can a person sign a contract to spend the rest of their life with a person, share finances and have kids, go through thick and thin after only having met them 2 months ago. In 2 months, most people can’t decide what kind of car to buy. I personally believe no person in their right mind should even think about marrying a person until you have lived with them for at least 6 months.

If I still haven’t put a seed of doubt about marriage, let me go through the different points people make in support of marriage.

“Commitment” – Making it Public

By agreeing to marry somebody, you and your partner have agreed to include a third person – the law – into your relationship. I do not believe in true love etc. I do believe in compatibility and attraction. If 2 people are compatible and are happy being with each other, what is the point of putting a ring on it? Can’t 2 consenting and mature adults agree to live happily with each other without making it about #couplegoals?

By the way, if you think getting married will ensure she won’t monkey branch/ cheat on you with a better alpha. Then think again, studies show women in marriages are more likely to cheat than their unmarried counterparts.

If the question ”What would society think?” still comes to your mind. Just remember this, This is the same society that wouldn’t give a damn if you get divorce raped. They will always support the female narrative.

“Oh, she deserves the money, she just lost all her support.”



Your life and goals shouldn’t be governed by the thinking and notions of a society. Your right to live peacefully, trumps any societal anguish you might get for not getting married and it always should.

Constant Supply of Sex

It’s true, studies show that people who get married have more access to sex, but it doesn’t show that they are having more sex than people in relationships. After most marriages, people are not compelled to satisfy their partner anymore. Thus, most married people have lesser sex. Their sex drive decreases as the reason for having sex is to put the other person in the sense of monogamous advantage.

Kids

The other main reason for the decrease in sex in married couple is kids. Most couples get married to have kids .

But, who says you have to get married to have kids. True, kids with both parent’s involvement have better success in life, but there are no statistics that say the biological parents have to be married. Obviously you have a better chance of staying together when you are married. The theory is that in two parent families, it is easier for parents to devote more time and resources to the children.

But why would you want to bring another kid into this world, when there are so many without any families. Adopt a kid, save a life. Have you seen the population of India? We are a country that fucks like rabbits, but don’t even have the resources to look after the kit. Many kids end up in adoption agencies because their parents come from poor backgrounds.

The population figures are in millions. Source: CEICDATA.COM

Our country is putting no effort into curbing this population boom. Since India gained independence, apparently all we have been doing is watching IPL and having sex and this is not going to stop anytime soon. India is expected to cross China and become the most populated country in the world in the next 7 years. We have to do something to curb this at a micro level, as the government will not do anything.

Companionship

I know you get lonely. Everyone gets lonely. Loneliness is a part of life. But a person has to learn to live with it. Most arranged marriages happen as the guy thinks after marriage he will have more emotional support ,someone to support their decisions and have clearer goals.

One poll finds that about six in ten are unhappily coupled, four out of ten say they have considered leaving their partner and one in ten don’t even trust their partner anymore.

I would rather stay single and unhappy than give half my shit away and unhappy. Most couples aren’t compatible, Most people aren’t compatible. You can’t trust your instincts with any person until you get out of the honeymoon phase (8- 10 months). That’s why I always push on the idea that you should never marry a person until you have lived with the said person for at least 6 months.

Have an active friend circle. Try to talk to more people, meet more people outside of work, join your local community of men. Could be a sports group, this could be anything. But don’t let your loneliness now lead you to more unhappiness and disappointment.

Even after that, if you are still lonely, get a dog. They are the most loyal creatures on the planet and their love is unconditional.