Confident and Empowered

I wish that every woman was strong, confident, focused and empowered. It takes some practice and maybe even a self-defense or martial arts class or two to make that happen. You are not born confident or empowered, you learn it. You can learn it in the way you were raised, by how others treat you, at the workplace and in social settings. If you are surrounded by good people in healthy environments you have a chance at feeling confident. Chances are, though, somewhere along the line something happened that was not so empowering; someone put you down, made you feel terrible about yourself, or stomped on one of your good thoughts. You may have been taught to not deal with it, not let it bother you, or pretend it never happened.

A woman and a man deal with experiences differently. Neither is right or wrong and both have insecurities based on experiences. Learning a martial art does not mysteriously erase your fears or worries. It doesn’t suddenly make you stronger or more agile. It’s a time-honored tradition, though, that helps to cultivate the very best parts of you and build you up, not tear you down.

Comfort Zone

Learning a kata is a lot of fun. It brings together movements and skills in a unified production. There’s a rhythm and content, a force and an art, a strength and a weakness, all pulled together in one set of moves. That is why it is so beautiful to watch. Without even trying, the martial artist, through kata, displays moments in time, tradition, challenge, and a powerful victory in a strong and breathtaking sequence. I think many people enjoy learning katas or forms because of the intricacies and the personal reflections that are built-in. At any level, you can learn one and still have unending opportunities to create and improve.

Skills drills are also fun. How high can you kick? How many punches in a minute? Do you fall apart after a few rounds on the bag? In a group setting, with everyone working out at the same time, a bit of electricity is elicited. Energy freely flows and builds when many practice together. All that is really good stuff! It is great to work on forms and skills. Practicing these does not generally take you too far from your comfort zone. You can blend in, pair up, or hide behind a row of people and remain somewhat discreet.

What happens when you are suddenly shoved outside of your comfort zone? Fear compiles. Adrenaline builds. You get nervous. All of these feelings help you prepare for a true moment of uncertainty; a moment when danger is imminent. The adrenaline feels the same. It does not recognize the difference between fear internal or external driven fear. It feels the same in both situations and understanding what it is and how it feels is a great advantage when it comes to survival in the worst of situations.

All of us need to overcome certain barriers when it comes to defense. I am focusing on women because I feel that they have the most to overcome.

Obstacles to Overcome

I’ve learned through teaching martial arts and through my own learning that there are three obstacles women must overcome. Once they allow themselves the chance to practice these three obstacles, though, they are suddenly better able to defend. Getting past these barriers will help everyone, especially women, become stronger, more confident, and empowered.

1. Yelling

2. Hitting

3. Breaking

Now, I’m not trying to stereotype, but based on my own personal experiences, I know that the thought of yelling, hitting someone or something, or breaking a board in my early days of karate were things I wasn’t sure I could overcome. I watched others do it, and it was “not me.” I’ll do those dance things (katas!) and I’ll kick a bag and run across a room punching, but yell? Hit someone ? Break a board?

No. No. No.

Some women who take martial arts classes are gung-ho and none of these three tactics bother them. They step up, belt it out, strike and break without batting an eye or breaking a sweat. For many women, though, these are the barriers to their self-defense in class and in real life. Rarely is a woman told that it is okay to yell, fight back, or break, if necessary. Once I understood the importance of these three concepts, I never again worried about having to do them.

Yelling– What I am talking is a karate yell. There are all kinds of fancy names for it, but in its basic sense, it’s a yell done during the practice of your martial art that comes from deep within using power, breath and focus. It’s not a screech or a holler. Neither of those will scare someone away. If you bellow out a yell that’s deep and a part of your entire being, that may work.

You can practice yelling “no!” which is something I teach in self-defense class. You can bellow any word that works for you. When it comes to overcoming the yelling barrier, it really does not matter what word you choose; what matters is that you draw breath from deep within and put forth an authoritative exclamation. There are only a few places to really “practice” the yell and that is in the dojo or outside in a great big open space, unless you want others to look at you like you are crazy!

A yell can act as a deterrent, causing an opponent to blink long enough for you to escape. A yell can keep a perpetrator from getting any closer. A yell can give you the confidence you need in the moment to fight back.

Simple. Effective. Necessary.

Hitting– Moving around a bag and throwing a few punches can feel uncomfortable, even to someone studying a martial art. If you ask a woman who doesn’t have any training to stand in front of a bag and hit it, will she? Maybe, maybe not. If she does, is her strike effective? When I teach self-defense I often show the hammerfist strike because it does not require a lot of skill or practice but it is still a powerful deterrent. It really works and for a woman who is not keen on having to strike anything or anyone back, it’s a no-nonsense, quick and effective strike. Or, maybe a quick jab is useful up close. The truth is, women are rarely taught how to punch. They don’t know what it feels like and they don’t know how to do it. Any kind of strike can help if you are being assaulted, so the type of punch really does not matter much. Either way, without any self-defense or martial arts training, it is unlikely a woman has ever had the opportunity to punch.

In class, it is easier to get a woman student to hit the bag than it is to get her to yell. “Do them together! Punch and yell!” I bellow, but still it takes a lot more than that to get her to concede. Again, the only way to get familiar with performing a strike is to try it and practice it. No, it’s not natural. It’s not common. It feels awkward. Once you understand it and get the hang of it, though, you are another step closer to decent defense.

Breaking– What does breaking boards have to do with any of these other techniques of yelling and hitting?

First, like yelling and striking, it is a mental barrier. It requires a willingness to believe in yourself in the midst of an adrenaline-filled moment. It pulls together the punch and the yell in a real application where results can be seen. I’ve noticed that students who come up to break a board have a very difficult time breaking it without a good yell to accompany the kick or punch. Anyone can break a board using the right technique, some confidence, and a good yell. Skip one of those components and it might be difficult. If in a tough spot when you are vulnerable to an attack or fight of some sort, you can pull this same combination together (technique, confidence, yell) to fight back.

It is the practice of the punch and the yell tested on the board that helps the student overcome her doubts that she really has power and the ability to defend. For a woman who has never hit anything before, it is an Aha moment. The board break is the icing on the cake. It is the confirmation and the acceptance of the power to defend. It is the confidence-builder.

Winning by Overcoming Barriers

I have focused on women in this blog as the group most likely to benefit by overcoming these three barriers, but the same rings true for any man or child. No one wants to think about having to yell or strike someone else; but your defense depends on it.

Are there other barriers to overcome in learning self-defense? Yes, of course! If life were only that simple!

Start with these three and you will be well on your way to better self-protection and a better understanding of your own capabilities. Then, I invite you to further your training and your understanding of defense in a martial arts or self-defense training. You will be surprised at what you can do!

Not every woman has difficulty overcoming these barriers, but enough do that I felt it was worthy of discussion.

The more you know, the better…and that is Winning At Life.

Andrea

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