Full text of "Confessions of a God Seeker"

CONFESSIONS of a God Seeker A JOURNEY TO HIGHER CONSCIOUSNESS Ford Johnson Published by ONE "ONE" Publishing, Inc. 8720 Georgia Avenue Suite 206 PUBLISHING, INC Silver Spring, MD 20910 www. onepublishinginc . com Copyright © 2003 by "ONE" Publishing, Inc. "ONE" Publishing is a registered trademark of "ONE" Publishing, Inc. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted imder Sections 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copy- right Act, without either the prior written permission of the Publisher or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee to the Publisher Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the "ONE" Publishing, Inc., 8720 Georgia Avenue, Suite 206, Silver Spring, MD 20910, phone (301) 562-2858, fax (301) 562-9377. "ONE" Publishing books and products are available through most bookstores and on-line through Amazon.com and Barnes&Nobles.com. To contact "ONE" Publishing directly, call (301) 562-2858, fax to (301) 562-9377, or visit our website at www.onepublishing- inc.com. Substantial discoimts on bulk quantities of "ONE" Publishing books are available to cor- porations, professional associations, and other organizations. For details and discount information, contact the sales department at "ONE" Publishing. Typeset by Adam Sharif of "ONE" Publishing, Inc., Silver Spring, MD Principal editor: Brian Downing, Ph.D. Design concept: Ford Johnson Original art: Michael Omoighe Graphic art adaption and design: April Gratrix Printed and bound in the USA by Edward Brothers, Inc., Ann Arbor, Michigan 987654321 "ONE" Publishing, Inc. strives to use the most environmentally sensitive paper stocks available. Our publications are printed on acid-free recycled stock, whenever possible, and our paper always meets or exceeds minimum GPO and EPA requirements. "ONE" Publishing also publishes its books in a variety of electronic formats. Some content that appears in print may be available in electronic books or in audio formats. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Johnson, Ford, 1942- Confessions of a God-Seeker: a journey to higher consciousness / Ford Johnson. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN 0-9728835-8-4 (alk. paper) I. Spiritual life. 2. Eckankar (Organization) --Controversial literature. I. Title. BP605.E3 J645 2003 299'.93-dc21 2003006774 This book is dedicated to the Truth Seeker and ALL THAT IS This page intentionally left blank. Contents Contents v Acknowledgements xiii Introduction xv PART ONE — THE JOURNEY BEGINS 1 Chapter 1 — The God Seeker 3 Who is a God Seeker? 3 Steps Along the Way 4 A Higher Consciousness Primer 6 Know Thyself 7 The Classroom of Life: How Souls Evolve 8 Sin versus Learning 9 Birth, Death and Reincarnation 10 The Law of Cause and Effect (Karma) 12 Chapter 2 — The Path of the Light and Sound of God 1 5 When the Seeker is Ready. ... 15 The Inner Worlds of God 1 6 Altering A Spiritual Paradigm 1 8 A Spiritual Traveler is Born 19 A Life of Service 23 Journey of the God- seeker 25 Chapter 3 — How the Journey Started 27 First Contact 27 Arrival in London: The English Tour 33 Chapter 4 — The Spiritual Journal of Graham Forsyth 35 Preparing Graham's Journal for the Master 3 5 vi CONFESSIONS OF A GOD SEEKER In the Many Hands of God 39 Reflections on the Journal 58 Inner Experiences Geared to the Individual's Needs 59 On Achieving God-Realization 60 Why did Graham Join Eckankar? 6 1 Implications of Contact with the Nine Silent Ones 62 PART TWO — THE DISCOVERY 65 Chapter 5 — The Master Replies 67 Harold Klemp 's Response to Me 67 A Closer Look at the Letter 69 Further Communications with the Mahanta 73 TheMaster'sResponse to Graham 77 The Importance of Inner Experiences in Eckankar 80 The Conundrum 83 Chapter 6 — Eckankar: Revealed by Truth 85 Why I Looked Deeper into Eckankar 85 Standards of Religious and Spiritual Scrutiny 88 The Four Zoas of Eckankar 90 The Standard of Truth 90 Paul Twitchell and the Real History of Eckankar 9 1 Paul Twitchell After the Break: The Idea is Bom 93 The Creation Begins 93 The Historical Rewrite Continues 94 Chapter 7 — Twitchellian Techniques of Spiritual Creativity: The Ten Devices 96 Device One: Factual and Historical Inaccuracies 96 When Was Paul Bom ? 96 Where Was Paul Bom ? 1 01 The Real Paul Twitchell Revealed 1 06 The Mysterious Paul Twitchell 11 Device Two : A Failure of Attribution 111 The King James Version Lives! 11 7 The Toothless Tiger 11 7 The Source of Eckankar Writings on the HU 119 "In My Father 's House There Are Many Mansions " 121 Contents vii In Defense of Plagiarism: the Apologists Speak 124 The Master Compiler Theory 1 24 The Astral Library Theory 125 From Sow 's Ear to Silk Purse 126 Device Three: Substitution and Association 127 Device Four: Name Reversal, Letter Transposition, and Adoption — The Creation of the Vairagi Masters 135 Device Five: Absorption of a Teaching — The Source of Structure, Terminology, and Practices in Eckankar 140 Device Six: Truth by Detail 142 Device Seven: The Techniques of Fear and Deception 145 Device Eight: Verbal Slight of Hand 153 Device Nine: The Many Faces of Eckankar 1 59 Issue 1- How should the Chela view theMahanta, the Living Eck Master? 159 Issue 2- Does the Eck student have the freedom to leave should he or she choose? 160 Device Ten: The Land of Contradictions 163 Paths to God 1 65 Need For the Mahanta, the Living Eck Master 167 Responsibility of the Individual for Spiritual Growth 1 67 Dependence on the Master 169 Chapters — The Origins of Eckankar Doctrine 175 The Mahanta, the Living Eck Master 175 The Blue Light 183 The Dream Master 1 84 Eckankar Initiations 1 86 Reincarnation 1 90 The Shariyat-Ki-Sugmad 194 The Spiritual Exercises of Eck and the HU 196 Origins of the HU 1 96 The True History of the HU 197 The Validity of Spiritual Exercises 199 The Principles and Precepts of Eckankar 200 PART THREE — THE FINAL UNVEILING 201 Chapter 9 — The Psychology of Paul Twitchell 203 viii CONFESSIONS OF A GOD SEEKER The Nature of Dogma 203 The Nature of Mythomania 205 Does the Shoe Fit? 207 Defenders of the Faith 217 Chapter 10 — Eckankar Following the Twitchell Years 220 The Death of Paul Twitchell 22 1 The Darwin Gross Years (1971-1981) 223 Harold Klemp Becomes the Living Eck Master 227 Harold Klemp and God-Realization 228 Darwin Retakes Control 23 1 The Break 232 Darwin Gross vs. Eckankar 235 The Harold Klemp Era 241 The Future of Eckankar and Its Membership 243 Collaboration of Eckankar Leaders 246 The Responsibility of a Spiritual Leader 246 "Beware of Moloch"*^^ and Other Warnings 247 Defending the Faith 248 The Death of an Ideal 249 Denial 249 Anger 250 Bargaining 251 Depression 251 Acceptance 252 Hope 252 Voices from the Past 252 Chapter 11 — Sant Mat, Radhasoami, and the Myth of the Master 257 History of Sant Mat 258 Sant Mat and the Tradition of Masters 259 Succession Within Radhasoami Satsang Beas 260 The Beas Line of Radhasoami Masters 262 Experiences with the Light and Sound of God 267 The Life and Legacy of Baba Faqir Chand 268 ThePower of Belief 276 Chapter 12 — Holy Books and the Sixteen Crucified Saviors 278 Old Testament Controversies 279 Contents ix New Testament Controversies 280 The Early Role of the Church in the Formulation of the Gospels and Christianity 283 Pseudepigraphy, Pious Fraud, and the Greatest Story Ever Told 285 Creation of the Gospels: The Books of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John 292 Non-Gospel Sources for Jesus 294 Contemporary Support for the Gospels 296 The Story Behind the Epistles of Paul 300 The Jesus Story — The One and Only Savior? 302 Where the Story of Jesus Originated 305 The Basis of Contemporary Belief 307 A Final Word 309 PART FOUR — JOURNEY TO HIGHER CONSCIOUSNESS 311 Chapter 13 — The Spiritual and Scientific Foundations of Higher Consciousness 313 The Nature of the Journey 313 The Journey to God-Realization and the Heart of Truth 314 The Law of Unity 316 The Illusion of Life 31 7 Illusion : A Scientific Perspective 319 Expanding or Changing Paradigms 322 How We Create Our Reality/Illusion 327 The Dream of Creation 328 The Levels of Reality/Illusion Creation 330 The Law of Soul and God-soul 335 The Nature of ALL THAT IS 338 The Law of Love 339 The Spiritual Hierarchy 344 The Law of Duality: The Nature of Good and Evil 346 The Law of Polarity 348 The Law of Spirit 349 Works for the Good of the Whole 351 Responsiveness of Spirit 352 The Nature of Prayer 354 X CONFESSIONS OF A GOD SEEKER The Power of the Individual 's Belief 354 Associated Visualization or Feeling 355 Duration of Focus 355 The Action Component 355 The Reciprocal Nature of Spirit 356 Spirit and You: Getting the Roles Straight 356 Impartiality of Spirit 358 Spirit and Beauty 359 Intelligence (Creativity) 360 Spirit is Order 362 The Illusion of the Straight Line (The Law of Cycles) 364 The Source of Our Doubt and How to Trust Spirit 365 Chapter 14 — The Spiritual Practice of Higher Consciousness 368 Towards a New Spiritual Paradigm 368 Soul Unbounded 373 The Spiritual Practice of Higher Consciousness 375 Soul- A ctualization 3 75 God-Realization 377 The Higher Consciousness Contemplations of Life 3 78 Using the Affirmations and Contemplations 383 Establishing Inner Communication — How 1 met Me 385 The Physical and the Inner Bodies 387 The Physical Body 388 The Etheric Body 388 Emotional Body 389 The Mental Body 389 The Soul and the Causal Body 390 Meditation and Contemplation 391 The Mantra 393 The Nature of the Mantra as Sound 394 Technique One: Basic Meditation/Contemplation Technique 397 Technique Two: Self Selection of a Mantra 401 Let the Chanting Begin 403 Chapter 15 — Dreams: A Bridge to Higher Consciousness 406 Dreams in Culture and History 406 Dream Interpretation in Greece and Rome 407 Contents xi Sigmund Freud and the Interpretation of Dreams 408 CarlJung and the Archetype 410 Current Dream Research 412 Toward a Workable Integrated Dream Paradigm 414 Interpreting Symbolic Dreams 41 8 Recording and Using Dreams: Day and Night Journals 419 Dreams of Harm 420 A Dictionary of Dreams? 420 Dreams beyond Time and Space 421 Chapter 16 — The Practical Side of Higher Consciousness 424 Measures of Success 424 Producing an Effect in Life — The Art of Manifestation 426 Too Much Stuff 426 The Ways of Spirit in Manifesting our Goals 427 The River: A Metaphor of the Workings of Spirit 428 "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" 431 Decide What You Want 431 Elevate the Goal to the Highest Level — Levels of Manifestation 432 Develop a Clear Image with Emotion and Detail 436 Getting Out of the Way: The Proper Attitude for Success 436 Follow Through on All Leads and Ideas Presented by Spirit 43 7 The Master Principle 44 1 The Master Technique 444 Words as States of Consciousness 447 The Breath of Life 449 A Personal Treasure Trove: Words to Live By 450 The Portable Chaplet 453 Integration of the Contemplations 455 Goal Setting 456 Chapter 1 7 — The Call of Soul 460 Law of Duality/Polarity Still At Work 461 Working Together with Purity of Purpose 461 It Happens in Due Course 463 The Next Step 464 APPENDIX 467 xii CONFESSIONS OF A GOD SEEKER Historical Bases of the Vairagi Eck Masters 469 Historical Bases of the Eck Temples 477 NOTES 481 Chapter 1 — The God Seeker 483 Chapter 2 — The Path of the Light and Sound of God 483 Chapter 3 — How the Journey Started 483 Chapter 4 — The Spiritual Journey of Graham Forsyth 484 Chapter 5 — The Master Replies 484 Chapter 6 — Eckankar: Revealed by Truth 485 Chapter 7 — Twitchellian Techniques of Spiritual Creativity: The Ten Devices 486 Chapter 8 — The Origins of Eckankar Doctrine 497 Chapter 9 — The Psychology of Paul Twitchell 500 Chapter 10 — Eckankar Following the Twitchell Years 503 Chapter 11 — Sant Mat, Radhasoami, and the Myth of the Master 509 Chapter 12 — Holy Books and the Sixteen Crucified Saviors 511 Chapter 13 — The Spiritual and Scientific Foundations of Higher Consciousness 515 Chapter 14 — The Spiritual Practice of Higher Consciousness 517 Chapter 15 — Dreams: A Bridge to Higher Consciousness 519 Chapter 16 — The Practical Side of Higher Consciousness 520 BIBLIOGRAPHY 521 GLOSSARY 539 INDEX 545 About the Author 557 Acknowledgements The author gratefully acknowledges the assistance and support of the staff of "ONE" Publishing in the completion of this book, includ- ing: Albert Bejo, Adam Sharif, Amanda Hollander, Lauren Johnson, Bianca Redhead, William Idoniboye, Jun Tang, April Gratrix and prin- cipal editor. Dr. Brian Downing. Thanks also to early reviewers Darrell Johnson, Dr. Ewa Unoke, Alaya Johnson, Lisa Kyle, Mary Vorden, and Elizabeth Rice. Special thanks to Graham Forsyth, whose inspired journal was the catalyst for writing this book. And finally, to my beloved wife, Mary, goes my eternal gratitude for her support, protection, and counsel in climbing this mountain. Ford Johnson This page intentionally left blank. Introduction The writing of this book has in every respect been a journey to higher consciousness. The events of November and December of 2001 were the turning point in a search for God-awareness that has been the center of my life. These events were the catalyst that led me to chal- lenge and ultimately change my paradigm of the God-experience. As a result, my consciousness expanded from a modest house into what felt like a coliseum. This is what happens when old paradigms are shattered and new perspectives based in truth come into view. This book chronicles that expansion of consciousness. It began in earnest more than thirty years ago. As the title suggests, Confessions reflects the journey of a God-seeker to discover truth. Truth, of course, takes many forms and exists at many levels. In the final analysis, it is what each person chooses to believe and act upon. Yet, there is the con- ception of eternal truth that does not bend to the whim of individual predilections. This has always intrigued me. I longed for something eternal, not a childhood construct like Santa Glaus that was designed to be shattered or the dubious mythical foundations of most religious dogma. Indeed, it was this longing that propelled my initial search for spiritual truth. Over many years and numerous spiritual teachings, paths, and reli- gions my journey has taken me to what I have come to view as the heart of truth, the eternal bedrock that is unchanging ^adjust is. In this book, I describe this journey and the often astounding discoveries and capti- vating revelations along the way. As you might imagine, it is a roller coaster ride at times. But that is the nature of spiritual growth, espe- cially for the God- seeker. This book addresses several audiences simultaneously. First, it is directed to anyone who seeks the God-reality that lies beyond religion. xvi CONFESSIONS OF A GOD SEEKER philosophy, or science. Thus, it speaks to those who treasure truth above all else. Second, it is directed to anyone associated with Eckan- kar its progeny or any similar teaching of the light and sound of God. These include the Radhasoami Satsang Beas, Ruhani Satsang, and Sant Mat teachings in general. All of these groups share common threads that help and hinder the God-seeker on his journey to the heart of truth. Third, it is directed to those who have ever wondered — as did I — about the origins and reality of Christianity, especially in light of evi- dence concerning sixteen other crucified saviors who predated Christ. Regardless, all paths and religions are important way stations on our journey to God, but they are only way stations. This is the quandary I searched long and hard to resolve. When the facts about any religion or path are made known, it is easy to dispel the belief paradigms that hinder the seekers spiritual growth. But with what does one replace them? The adults in our lives were ready to dispel the Santa Claus myth with a sobering, albeit less exhilarating truth. Yet, the feelings and memories lingered as proof of the residual power of myth, even when overwhelmed by truth. Dispelling a spiritual paradigm can have a disquieting impact if not replaced with a more spiritually enlightened construct built on truth. After struggling with this dilemma, I proceeded with Confessions because I believe this require- ment is fulfilled. Therefore, after presenting facts that will undoubtedly challenge cherished ideas and well-established spiritual paradigms. Part IV of the book presents an empowering exemplar that fills the void. It shows the nexus between science and spirituality and how both are saying the same thing; exploring the same truth. Using insights from both, keys to the movement of consciousness to ever higher levels are presented. They are coupled with practical steps to integrate spiri- tual wisdom into the mastery of life. My orientation to studying and teaching spiritual and esoteric sub- jects has always been practicable — real world. I have had to apply these principles to running a business, raising children, married life and the realities of living in a modern world. I know from these experiences and the responses of those who have attended my workshops that what is outlined in this portion of the book actually works. More importantly, it provides a framework to evaluate the experiences of life from a spiri- tual perspective. Happiness, success, and accomplishment take on a Introduction xvii different and broadened meaning when every experience is seen as a gift that is always present but often overlooked. As one who is notorious for reading a book from the middle or the end, I am probably not in the best position to give this suggestion, but I will. Confessions reveals, and possibly astonishes as it lays bare false religious constructs with facts, history, and documentation that are powerful and verifiable. Then it builds and expands consciousness as it progresses from one set of concepts to the next. It is like rebuilding a house requiring fortification of its foundation before it can bear the load of new heights. Skipping too far ahead might confuse and raise questions that would have been answered at earlier points in the book. Likewise, it would be wise to reserve drawing conclusions too early; there are many twists and turns in this real-life spiritual journey. In the end, I believe the experience will lead to an expansion of conscious- ness, for this was certainly my reward as well as the response of those who participated in reviewing the book. Also, you may reach a point where the facts are enough and you are ready to move on to the next stage. If you reach this point, I suggest moving to Part IV of the book. Then you can return to Parts II and III from a more spiritually fortified position. As you might imagine, I felt considerable inner trepidation in writ- ing some of the chapters. I wondered if I should simply discontinue the writing and move on. But something within — my higher self — kept urging me on, forcing me beyond my outer fears to complete what I believe to be of great importance. One event that helped to reinforce this decision was a movie I watched while taking a break from writing. Quiz Show, an acclaimed drama, tells the true story behind the infa- mous television show scandal of 1959. Herbert Stempel, a disgruntled former champion, prompted a Congressional investigation into the popular game show Twenty-One with charges that the current cham- pion, Charles Van Doren, a popular Columbia University lecturer, had been provided with answers by the producers. The investigator (and author of the book that inspired the film) became the trustee of truth, and it was his unpleasant task to see that it not be suppressed. The investigator was confronted with the same questions I had posed to myself. Why disturb people's happiness with the ugly truth? I know how he felt and also how he had no choice. Once the mantle of truth xviii CONFESSIONS OF A GOD SEEKER seeker is assumed, a road is traveled that leads in only one direction, though there are many curves and bumps along the way. As the truth struggled to come out, I observed how delicate yet inexorable its power was. It could be suppressed, hidden, and falsely profiled, but it was unrelenting. Everyone has a deep and abiding love and need for truth, even if they are temporarily engaged in holding it back or benefiting from a deception. There is a divine spark that forces us to truth. That is why people confess to their crimes and feel relief in having done so. They cannot deal with its unrelenting pressure and pain. That is also why it is the infallible road to God, for Truth is GOD of ITSELF. Once we see truth for what it really is, we will also see our- selves and know that we are a part of the ONE. This cannot be achieved as long as we allow temporary expediencies and comforts to guide our lives. A good friend had once argued: [T]his is a world of duality and nothing here is perfect. My yardstick is, "is it good enough." In our culture at a certain point in life we seem to loose the capacity to innocently idealize anything or anybody. He was right in a way, but is "good enough" really good enough? I sup- pose "good enough" is alright when speaking of Caesar salad or bean soup, but what about spiritual unfoldment? Doesn't good enough imply stagnation, acceptance of the status quo, quitting, deceiving ourselves into thinking that we are there when clearly we are not? Without new insights and truth, we are apt to say it is "good enough." But when we see the truth in something, it leads us to new levels of awareness where the old is no longer good enough, because part of divine discontent is the driving force to want more and to want the best. Who willingly accepts something less when better is known and available as an equal choice? At first, we feel this drive as a desire for things and stuff. In time, it is sublimated to a desire for higher consciousness, to know who and what we really are. This is where truth leads. But truth also can cause discomfort, for it is the catalyst of change. Change produces distress only when we reject where it is taking us. We always prefer the comfort of the known and reject, as long as we can, the mystery and uncertainty of the unknown. This entire discussion Introduction xix could be a metaphor for the underlying theme of this book: good enough is not good enough if it means avoiding truth. However, even growth and change are not uniformly continuous. There are rest points in eternity. Points where we can sit back and absorb what we have learned and benefit from our advancement. When we tarry too long and are not challenged to advance to a new level of awareness, we are stuck in "good enough." To my friend and to others who read this book, I can only say that I hope it will be good enough for a while — but only for a while. Ford Johnson 2003 This page intentionally left blank. RARTI TKJOURrCirBEGIiyE This page intentionally left blank. Chapter 1 — The God Seeker Who is a God Seeker? Maybe you are. In truth, we are all God-seekers, only some of us are more aware of it than others. The proof is everywhere. The lover of music searches for celestial motifs once heard during a dream excur- sion that continues to beckon. The architect looks within, sees a fin- ished version of his masterpiece, and is humbled by the knowledge that he has touched some higher force. The poet tries to translate inner ecstasy into words but is exasperated because he has experienced something words cannot express. The dancer moves with flowing lines to express a balance, a feeling that connects with something much deeper. The minister faithfully preaches the church's doctrine but won- ders, questions, and inwardly explores the ageless conundrum: Is this all there is? In time, these disguised longings for God initiate a search for truth that leads a person to become a conscious seeker. Eventually, all seek- ers reach a point where they realize that there is a force greater than them. They may even suspect that it permeates all things and is both powerful and intelligent. Questions and doubts can remain for years. Some seekers will always question or doubt what they inwardly sense. Even with an intel- lectual or inner awareness of this force, their inability to trust it and sur- render to it can persist. We experience the God force in many different ways. Our God may be personal, sensed within, and sustained by pri- vate and personal communication. Others, affiliated with a religion, may experience this force through the teachings, rituals, holy books, and inspired words of a spiritual leader or savior. In spite of doubts, the God-seeker persists in believing because he has experienced miracles in his life. He has been rescued from too 4 CONFESSIONS OF A GOD SEEKER many scrapes, brought back from too many mistakes, and shown enlightenment in too many dark moments to remain a non-believer. Through these encounters, he has sensed a connection between his life experiences and his spiritual development. Yet, he may have errone- ously attributed his many blessings to something or someone outside of himself. He does not understand, at least not yet, that the power lies within. He does not see that it is spirit coupled with the power of his belief, rather than the object of that belief, that is the true source of the power. But the God-seeker pushes on, looking for a bedrock upon which he can build an edifice of greater control over his life. All searches for greater knowledge or truth are aspects of the search for God. But most of us get lost in the petty details of life. With so many complex layers of illusion dominating our lives, we remain estranged from the truth of our origin and our existence. Sadly, most of us define ourselves by marital status, number of children, nationality, location, job, sex, race, religion, musical tastes, sports preferences, and other predilections. But these details miss the point of life and delay the expansion of our spiritual awareness. Even if we are clever enough to realize that these social descriptors are only layers of illusion that do not truly define us, we are still apt to get lost in our physical bodies. We delude ourselves into thinking that we are what they are, identifying with our physical accoutrements, medical problems, aches, pains, and physical desires. But this too is an illusion separating the God-seeker from truth. We may even identify with our emotions and feelings, but this is yet another illusion. They are merely aspects of ourselves that enable us to function in the physical dimension of reality. Through these layers of illusion, the self must navigate its journey to discover the truth about itself and its connection to the creator. This is the journey of the God- seeker. Like Odysseus's return home, the journey is long, complex, and fraught with perils. Thankfully, however, the journey can be com- pleted. Steps Along the Way My journey as a God-seeker began at an early age. My late grand- father, an Episcopal priest, instructed me in the teachings of Christian- ity. As soon as I was able to put together a full sentence, I was asking The God Seeker 5 questions, challenging his assumptions, and generally making life more difficult for this stern but loving man. I was a complete flop as an altar boy; I never became adept at my ceremonial duties. Whether to stand or to kneel, or what words to recite after a particular invocation by the priest, was always a mystery to me. I simply did not see the con- nection between the detail of church rituals and spiritual development. Nor could I accept the notion that I was a sinner. I questioned how a creation of the Supreme Being could be inherently sinful. Why would God create such a wretched being? Being born in sin and spending the remainder of my life atoning for it made little sense to me. It was like a weight on my back that could never be removed. I wanted no part of it! Up to this point, my religious exposure was limited to Christianity. If it had the best explanation of my relationship to the divine, then I preferred to believe in nothing. Little did I realize that this period of questioning was a fortunate and portentous cleansing, in which the dogmas of sin, guilt, hell, the devil, and similar concepts were expunged. No longer hindered by controlling rules and moral strictures that leave feelings of guilt and shame, I moved into a state of spiritual freedom. Fortunately, this sense of freedom did not lead to reckless behavior, as it does for many. I avoided this pitfall because, as I was later to learn, / had lived before. Expunging these constrictive beliefs was merely the continuation of a process of spiritual education that had started lifetimes ago. The lessons from each of these lives were ingrained into the core of my being. They were there to serve as stop signs, warning me when I tried to use that freedom irresponsibly. Through my early education, college entry at age fifteen, service as a Peace Corps volunteer in Africa, and the "paper chase" at Harvard Law School, I made my way into life and full adult responsibility. Through successes and setbacks, I learned life's lessons. Questions were sometimes answered, sometimes raised, but a deep spiritual hun- ger remained. Despite a flurry of social events, continuous travel, and other forms of outer excitement, the feeling persisted. I discovered what all truth seekers must realize: that my life was focused primarily on my outer or physical existence. My senses of self-worth, satisfac- tion, and happiness depended on the approval of others, my achieve- ments, and my possessions. I was searching outside myself for 6 CONFESSIONS OF A GOD SEEKER confirmation of who and what I was. Nothing could fill the void I felt when I sought only pleasure and outer fulfillment. This was one of the first clues that the life I had constructed in the outer world was not the final answer. In moments of inner silence, I would cry out to be shown the way. This was a critical point in my life, as it is in the life of any God-seeker. When the God-seeker realizes that there is more, and that help is needed to discover it, it is as if all the forces in the universe converge to show the next step in the quest for truth. Though the seeker is unclear about what is sought, there is comfort in words like "love" and "truth." Somehow, the God-seeker instinc- tively knows that truth is pure and powerful. Even in college, while others enjoyed sports and socializing, I found greater joy in engaging in debate — over virtually anything. I learned that as long as I stayed with truth and never allowed my ego to be trapped, I would never lose an argument. Invariably, as if in a Socratic dialogue, I would identify some error in fact or argument in which an opponent had become invested, shift the discussion to that vulnerability, and show the point to be untrue. I learned a great secret about the power of truth. Thus, I came to understand the sacred responsibility entrusted to one who seeks truth as a life goal and finds some measure of it. During this time, a friend handed me some books on esoteric knowledge. At first, because I regarded mysticism and the occult as insubstantial, even flaky, I ignored them. These books, with their unusual titles and topics, had an increasingly strange allure, enough to keep them out of the trash can. Eventually, I picked them up. Their con- tents exploded with insights and perspectives on existence that I had never imagined. Here were the answers to questions with which I had annoyed and frustrated my grandfather. Once I picked them up, I could not put them down. My life as a God-seeker shifted into high gear. A Higher Consciousness Primer For many readers, it will be necessary to establish certain basic concepts in spiritual development. The expansion of awareness is a continuous process. In the early stages of my spiritual education, I was exposed to basic concepts of higher consciousness. In time, I became grounded in broader and deeper concepts of life and living. Years of The God Seeker 7 spiritual study and contemplation would enlarge and expand these basic concepts. They will be explored in later chapters. However, to fully grasp the content and meaning of this book, especially if your background is in traditional religion or you are new to concepts of higher consciousness, this section will serve as a primer. Know Thyself Wisdom begins and, as we shall see, ends with an understanding of self. "Know thyself has been the imperative voiced by philosophers, the spiritually enlightened, and sages from the beginning of recorded history. Yet, as much as we think we know ourselves, most of us have only a clue about who or what we really are. We are unaware of our- selves as spiritual, immortal beings living temporarily in human con- sciousness. We do not understand the extraordinary power and potential that we possess as soul because we identify so completely with our physical bodies, emotions, memories, and minds. We do not realize that they are only tools that we use to function in the physical and other dimensions of existence. By the standard of time that we generally understand, the journey of soul is long and arduous. Our life as humans, in the physical dimen- sion, is but a small part of that education. The purpose of this education is for soul to expand its awareness to encompass all of its God-like powers. With this knowledge, it can eventually take its place in running the universe. Many of us have endured difficult and even harsh experiences dur- ing childhood. We accept these experiences as a necessary part of per- sonal growth. In the same manner, soul must grow from the experiences encountered during its many lifetimes. Without these experiences, soul, in the human state, cannot pierce the illusion of life and experience divine reality. Even as humankind struggles to accept the concept of a sequence of lifetimes, the truth is even more remark- able. We live in the eternal now, and all experiences, reality, and life- times exist simultaneously. The illusion of a three-dimensional, holographic universe sustains the illusion of time as a sequential phe- nomenon and of space as possessing separateness, distance, and dimen- sion. 8 CONFESSIONS OF A GOD SEEKER These concepts seemed fantastic when I first encountered them. They seemed possible, but Httle was happening in my outer Hfe to war- rant an immediate change in my paradigm of life. As I began to embrace them, however, events of the past began to make more sense. I saw in these events a pattern that was inexorably moving me to a higher level of spiritual awareness. The idea of life consisting of layers of illu- sion was a helpful concept. It enabled me to rise above numerous social and ethnic labels and function from a neutral and detached perspective. Even though I intellectually understood the power of soul, I found it no easier to manifest the things that I wanted in my life. In time, I would learn more about this power and how to harness it for my benefit and for the benefit of others. The Classroom of Life: How Souls Evolve Another concept that had an enormous impact on my early under- standing of life was the idea that every individual is at a different level of spiritual development and awareness. Some individuals are highly evolved and manifest remarkable abilities and insights from an early age. Attempts to explain the phenomenon of the child prodigy from a genetic, cultural, psychological, or psychiatric perspective fail to account for her advanced level of development. Yet, when life is viewed as a continuum, and death a mere transition from one form of existence to another in an ever-evolving life cycle, this phenomenon is easier to understand. This perspective was vital to me in gaining an appreciation and respect for the spiritual beings that were to become my children. It enabled me to understand my sacred responsibility to guide them to discover the thread that united their many lives, pointing the way to their spiritual expansion in this lifetime. While I have always dearly loved my children, I have never felt a sense of posses- sion that so often fouls the parent-child relationship. Other souls may just be starting their cycle of incarnations in human form. Not understanding who or what they are as spiritual beings, they are likely to cause disruptions for those who are more spir- itually evolved. We look at the actions of our fellow humans and some- times shake our heads, wondering how people can do such things. From our present more enlightened perspective, the answer is difficult to fathom, for we have forgotten the actions, experiences and lessons The God Seeker 9 from our own earlier incarnations. Yet, it has always been the case that more advanced souls must interact with less evolved ones in order to teach and guide them. That is why the accelerated interaction of nations and peoples that is occurring today will result in the greatest expansion of spiritual consciousness in recorded history. While this will lead to greater levels of upheaval, it is the price that must be paid for the move- ment of all souls to higher states of consciousness. It is not difficult to see the patterns of human migration around the world and the resulting growth of awareness spreading along with it. Sin versus Learning Sin, especially original sin, was a concept I always found repug- nant. This was not because I wanted to avoid accountability, but because the concept and ideas surrounding it seemed geared to create guilt and entrapment rather than learning and emancipation. As my spiritual education progressed, I was gratified to learn that sin is not "sin," as my grandfather had taught me. Rather, it is a consequence- producing action that leads to an awareness-expanding lesson. Soul must have the experience, good or bad, in order to internalize the les- son. We see this everyday in raising our children. We can tell them what we want them to do, but only when they have personally experi- enced an event and its consequences do they understand for them- selves. As much as we would want to spare our children many painful experiences in life, there are some lessons that are only learned this way. No amount of fear-evoking declarations of sin can teach a lesson that only life's experiences can convey. Of course, this is not the only way to learn. While experience is most often the best teacher, the old adage that a wise person learns from the experiences of others is cer- tainly true. Once the God-seeker understands that there is wisdom in a teacher's words, the process of spiritual growth accelerates. A danger that soul faces in its expansion of awareness is the limits imposed upon it by many religions. That is why the idea of sin is not only mistaken but also harmful. It focuses more on the act than on the positive lesson that can be learned. The system of sin even results in the individual looking to something and someone outside of himself for forgiveness. In this manner, it becomes a form of control, for it vests the power of absolution in an outside agent rather than empowering the 10 CONFESSIONS OF A GOD SEEKER individual with the knowledge that sin is simply a "control-by-guilt" mechanism. Thus, though the act of confession may serve as a tempo- rary relief, in the end it misleads the individual and distorts her spiritual understanding. It fosters the illusion that the power for such absolution lies with the priest and the religion that established this indulgence. In actuality, the power lies within her consciousness. Here is where all power to change, forgive, and create ultimately derives. Birth, Death and Reincarnation My early upbringing in the Episcopal Church saddled me with ideas of heaven or hell in the afterlife, intended to shape my actions in this life. Not only were the notions of heaven and hell, reward and pun- ishment, wrong, but they also had a crippling, fear-producing effect during their reign over me. Religious dogma has had its greatest impact in misleading people about the phenomena of birth and death. Reli- gions have, since their inceptions, used the ideas of heaven and hell to keep followers in line. This simplification of life, death, and the after- life is largely erroneous, and continues to lead people away from truth. Instead, it places them in a constant state of guilt and fear. These myths of heaven, hell, and sin are shattered the instant the God-seeker comes to recognize that soul is eternal. Its very existence is evidence of a divine being, because soul is a spark, a part of a divine reality. Just as a drop of water from the ocean contains all of the charac- teristics of the ocean, so does soul, a part of God, contain all of ITS characteristics. This is the origin of the idea that we are made in God's image, which has mistakenly come to mean resemblance to our physi- cal form. Conventional notions of heaven and hell, salvation and damnation, are off the mark. Indeed, no less a personage than Pope John Paul II has gone on record as retreating from the literal interpretations of heaven and hell to a more enlightened, albeit limited, view of these two puta- tive destinations. Of heaven the pope has said: In the context of Revelation, we know that the "heaven" or "happiness" in which we will find ourselves is neither an abstraction nor a physical place in the clouds, but a living, personal relationship with the Holy Trinity. ^ The God Seeker 11 On the more sensitive subject of hell, he explained: The images of hell that Sacred Scripture presents to us must be correctly interpreted. They show the complete frustration and emptiness of life without God.... More than a place, hell indicates the state of those who freely and definitively separate themselves from God. Hell is not pun- ishment imposed externally by God, but the condition resulting from attitudes and actions which people adopt in this life.... So eternal damna- tion is not God's work but is actually our own doing. ^ However, much more is known about the journey of soul at the transition commonly known as death. Once the life of the physical vehicle has ended, soul moves out of its shell into one of its other gar- ments that permit it to have experiences in other dimensions of reality. Though we are seldom aware of it, this is precisely what happens each time we have inner experiences during our dreams. We are actually experiencing another dimension of reality using one of the outer gar- ments suited for the matter that predominates on that inner plane. The vehicle used by soul in the second dimension of reality, commonly called the "astral plane," is the corresponding astral body. Indeed, the existence of parallel universes has been postulated by leading quantum physicists. At the point of "death," soul expands its awareness to encompass this dimension of reality. Here, more advanced souls, functioning from a higher level of consciousness, review the events of its physical life. For more spiritually evolved souls, because they are eager to under- stand the past life's meaning and proceed to the next lifetime, this encounter occurs soon after death. In this meeting, soul learns how well it used its opportunities for spiritual advancement and what potential experiences lie in the next life. I have studied this phenomenon over the years and will enlarge on its implications later. For now, I think it is fair to say that death is not the dreaded experience most people perceive it to be. It is merely a transition and is nothing to fear. Indeed, so won- drous and sublime are many pre-death encounters that some do not want to return to ordinary physical life. For less-developed souls, and especially those in religions that do not teach the reality of inner worlds, the death experience is quite dif- ferent. Upon leaving the body, soul's journey can take a number of dif- ferent forms. One of the more common encounters is the movement 12 CONFESSIONS OF A GOD SEEKER through what is often described as a tunnel at the end of which the indi- vidual may see a glorious flood of light. When soul moves towards the light, friends, relatives, or others with whom it would feel comfortable, meet it. More highly evolved entities serve as support in this dimen- sion, and can manifest in forms recognizable and comforting to the individual. These images can take on the form of Jesus for the Chris- tian, Muhammad for the Moslem, Buddha for the Buddhist, and so on. The death experience is not unlike that described by those who have had "near-death experiences" in the operating room or after terrible accidents. But, and this is crucial, it is also common to those who have developed the skill of consciously shifting awareness into these inner dimensions of reality. The Law of Cause and Effect (Karma) Reincarnation cannot be fully understood without considering a complementary law, the Law of Cause and Effect, commonly known as karma. Newton's laws of motion are a material articulation of a broader esoteric principle: for every thought, word, and action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Everything we do is a cause that has a corre- sponding effect. This cause-and-effect cycle explains all of existence and is the basis on which spiritual development is founded. In earlier stages of soul's existence (e.g., in plants and animals), laws of nature govern life, with little if any conscious decision making. As soul progresses into higher states of existence, consciousness expands, as does soul's responsibility for its actions. In the human state, the Law of Responsibility (a corollary to the Law of Cause and Effect) operates. Regardless of our knowledge or acceptance of universal law, we are responsible for everything we decide, and everything we think, say, and do. Spiritual growth is the product of the lessons learned from making these choices. Consequences can be experienced in this lifetime or in succeeding lifetimes — either way, they will be experienced. Those whose lives reflect a string of tragedies are most likely expe- riencing early stages of spiritual growth. They have not yet drawn the connection between action and reaction. The early tendency is to blame other people and other situations. When soul comes to the realization that it is responsible for its own existence, it is then on the path to true spiritual freedom, taking control of its thoughts, words, and actions. The God Seeker 13 Until then, soul is the puppet of people and circumstances that it believes are responsible for its current state of affairs. While this expla- nation reduces the burden of accountability imposed by taking respon- sibility for all outcomes, in the end, it reduces the individual to a condition of powerlessness. While taking responsibility for everything that happens in our lives is often a bitter pill, it is the only remedy that emancipates us from the control of outside forces. Once we acknowl- edge that we have created our own circumstances, we empower our- selves to change them and make them whatever we choose. When soul actively takes control of its thoughts, words, and actions, it attains true spiritual freedom and control over life. Another corollary to the Law of Cause and Effect (Karma) is the Law of Equilibrium. It holds that everything in the universe seeks bal- ance, including all human expressions of energy — words, thoughts, and actions. All actions are balanced in conformity with this principle. In the process, our actions and their effects create opportunities for learning. When we take a particular action that produces a unique response, it either engenders pain or pleasure. The physical vehicle responds in a fundamental way. By its programming, it seeks pleasure and avoids pain. When an experience evokes a positive or pleasurable response (positive karma), we tend to pursue it. When an effect is con- strued as negative or unpleasant (negative karma), we tend to avoid it. It is through this simple mechanism that the Law of Karma and spiri- tual growth work. This principle has been long recognized in scientific research and has formed the basis of much of behavioral science. How- ever, it also has deep spiritual implications. Because the universe works in accordance with the Law of Equilib- rium, it is not always possible to balance all energy flows in a single lifetime, that is, to receive the positive or negative effects of all of our thoughts, words and actions. Thus, unbalanced energy (karma) is stored and follows us from lifetime to lifetime. This is why life cannot be understood from the perspective of a single lifetime. When we grasp the concept of stored unbalanced energy, we begin to understand the shape of life. A person who has inflicted pain, injury, or death on oth- ers, for example, learns under the spiritual law by having to endure a similar fate or by balancing this energy in some other way, in a subse- quent lifetime. One who has enslaved learns by being enslaved or per- 14 CONFESSIONS OF A GOD SEEKER haps by devoting his Hfe to setting others free. Another who has given much in worldly possessions or other tokens of generosity, returns to receive the bounty of these actions. Thus, in this meeting of Eastern and Western religious thought, one reaps what one sows, either in this lifetime or the next. The great secret to avoiding the effects of positive or negative karma lies in the attitude of neutrality, that is, in detached actions for the good of the whole. One is absolved of individual responsibility once this attitude is adopted. An example of this is in the behavior of those who use power entrusted to them by society. A policeman, when acting for the good of society (i.e., consistent with the laws agreed to by society), is absolved of individual responsibility for actions that may have resulted in harm to another. However, when found to be acting outside the scope of that authority (i.e., outside of societal parameters), then the protection is removed, and the policeman must receive the consequences for his actions. Those who genuinely act in the name of a higher good such as God live by this principle. This is the highest state of consciousness one can exhibit while in human form. This is the state of consciousness of those who have unfolded to the highest level. This is the level to which the Law of Cause and Effect, through the exacting application of "tough love," inexorably leads all souls. The number of lifetimes it takes for one to reach this level varies from individual to individual. Death does not serve as an evasion of this path, and thinking that suicide ends it all is the worst of illusions. The essential point, however, is that no one, regardless of his position of power, can escape the consequences of his actions. How long it takes the individual to learn this lesson is a matter of choice. As I progressed in my journey to higher consciousness, my under- standing of these and other concepts of existence continued to expand and deepen. The journey to the heart of truth eventually took me to a point of understanding that will be expounded in later chapters. But before reaching this point in the journey, it is instructive to follow the stages of spiritual evolution that are presented in the confessions of this God-seeker. Chapter 2 — The Path of the Light and Sound of God When the Seeker is Ready.... In late 1969, my life as a God-seeker was progressing full force. My favorite haunt was an esoteric bookstore in Washington, D.C. that had an adjoining health food cafeteria. I remember smelling the sweet condiments that wafted over to my table while I was buried in my latest spiritual tome. Each insight brought a deeper awareness of my inner self and its capacity for omniscience. In the human form, I marveled at the illusions of life and how they masqueraded as ultimate reality. Searching the bottom shelves of the outlying book racks, I encoun- tered a small blue booklet, no more than fifty-pages long, written by Paul Twitchell, entitled The Key to Eckankar. I quickly flipped through the manuscript and discovered that it contained some very unusual words and concepts, but it was its description of an Eck Master called Rebazar Tarzs and his discourse on reality that I found utterly captivat- ing. Tarzs spoke of the "I AM" principle, the concept of God (whom he called "SUGMAD") as the "self-definition of the Absolute."^ He spoke of the responsibility everyone has for forming the life he lives each day. Every aspect of our lives is the result of our individual and collective thought forms. His description of planes of reality beyond the astral plane really piqued my interest. It was the first time I had encountered any book that spoke of the existence of dimensions beyond the relatively common- place astral plane, which many religions call heaven. Yet, everyone experiences this dimension of existence in the dream state. When I returned home with my new acquisition, I underwent an explosion of consciousness that exceeded anything I had experienced. 16 CONFESSIONS OF A GOD SEEKER After digesting the information contained in my first Eckankar book, I went on a spending spree acquiring an entire library of Eck- related materials. The insights they contained and the many related classes and seminars I attended had a profound impact. The Eckankar teaching was extremely comprehensive and provided answers to virtu- ally every question I had ever raised. Indeed, by its own definition, Eckankar appeared to be all encompassing, the final step in soul's jour- ney to the heart of truth. The Eckankar Dictionary defined Eckankar as: Religion of the Light and Sound of God; the path of TOTAL AWARE- NESS; the way of all things; means "CO-WORKER with God;" a teach- ing which gives knowledge of both the LIGHT and the SOUND which contains the total sum of all teaching emanating from God; the very foundation of all systems of science, and the key to success in unfolding all spiritual powers; the Ancient Science of SOUL TRAVEL. Projection of the inner CONSCIOUSNESS, which travels through the lower states until it ascends into the ecstatic states where the subject feels he pos- sesses an AWARENESS of the religious experience of BEING; achieved through a series of spiritual exercises known only to the fol- lowers of this science. 2 The Inner Worlds of God After many years of studying Eckankar, I became quite proficient in traveling into the inner worlds. These trips had become as real to me as my everyday surroundings. In addition to the astral plane, the teach- ings of Eckankar encompassed the "causal plane," in which memories of past lives are stored. These records can be retrieved through the intriguing technique Paul Twitchell called "soul travel." The works of Eckankar also described higher planes of reality at ever-higher levels of awareness. The next highest plane, called the "mental plane" (corre- sponding with a mental body), is the one in which the heavens of many other earthly religions could be found. Twitchell's writings described a "soul plane:" a level at which the true self, or "soul," experiences spiri- tual liberation from the constraints of lower existence. Like suits of clothes, these lower bodies are necessary for soul to function in the lower dimensions of reality. Paul talked about a spiritual hierarchy responsible for operating the inner worlds of God. Paul described a series of deities in each of these planes, whose names in Sanskrit reflected the experiences of those beings first capable of reaching these levels. Inasmuch as Eastern teachings laid the ground- The Path of the Light and Sound of God 17 work for exploration of the inner worlds, much of the language used to describe these regions comes from Sanskrit, Hindi, or other Eastern languages. Paul described the journey of soul as encompassing more than mere travel to the soul plane. He set forth five additional planes of real- ity including the Agam Lok, the Hukikat Lok, the Alaya Lok, the Aluk Lok, and the Anami Lok. Each represents a higher plane of reality in which only the Law of Love prevails. Below this "Second Grand divi- sion" at the soul plane are the worlds of duality, where the forces of positive and negative are at play. At the highest of these planes, the Anami Lok, there resides a being called Sugmad, who is the source of all creation. This being is believed to exist at a level of awareness and vibration from which it created Jehovah and all other spiritual being worshipped as God in other reli- gions, as part of a spiritual hierarchy. Eckankar would maintain that Judaism is correct in its assertion of one God, but incorrect in its under- standing of the level at which that God functions. The one God, Sug- mad, utilizes subordinate manifestations of itself to carry out the operation of the several universes. The Tibetan monk, Rebazar Tarzs, whom Paul recognized as his teacher and master, is said to be more than 400 years old, still living in his physical body in the Hindu Kush mountain range in Tibet. An advanced spiritual being, Tarzs is described as having the ability to travel in his soul-body and manifest himself in the presence of anyone, creating a body for himself as he moves through time and space. Paul described his encounters with Rebazar Tarzs in much the same way as Paramahansa Yogananda had described the appearance of his master, Sri Yukteswar.3 Both masters were purportedly able to manifest a "body" that could be seen and touched, and through which they could communicate and teach. Paul indicated that Tarzs works with a group of advanced beings called the Masters of the Vairagi Order. Eckankar teaches that these masters work in temples of golden wisdom scattered throughout the inner worlds. There, they function as guardians of a holy tome known as the Shariyat-Ki-Sugmad. According to Eck teachings, the Shariyat- Ki-Sugmad exists on each inner plane of reality, where these guardians 18 CONFESSIONS OF A GOD SEEKER watch over it. These books are said to contain the divine seeds of wis- dom to enhghten mankind. Paul took on the mantle of the "Mahanta," which, according to Eckankar teachings, is the highest state of consciousness known to humankind. The mission of this being is to gather all souls that are ready to return to the Godhead and to lead them through inner and outer instruction. The goal of each soul, supported by the Mahanta, is to achieve Self-Realization, God-Realization, and ultimately to become a co-worker with God. Paul was the most recent in a long line of masters, stretching back into ancient times, who worked in the inner worlds as the Mahanta and in the outer world as the Living Eck Master. As a physical being, the Mahanta uses a physical shell and has to deal with the same realities as all other men. But as the inner master, his powers are unlimited, for he is seen as the totality of divine spirit. Altering A Spiritual Paradigm Prior to finding Eckankar, I had read through more than two-thirds of the bookstore, including works on astrology, Egyptology, the occult, Rosicrucianism, Hinduism, Buddhism, theosophy, Islam, Sufism, Christianity, and every other "ism" I could find. All of these paled in comparison to the extraordinary insights contained in the myriad of books that Paul had written. But a God-seeker does not have his spiri- tual frame shattered without some signs of disorientation. Conse- quently, during the early period of my exposure to Eckankar, I was somewhat out of balance for weeks. My mind struggled to grasp the enormousness of the concepts I had encountered. What Paul was writ- ing about made sense, and was highly appealing, but there was so much that I had to accept on face value. After putting his books down for a period — I had overdosed on spiritual books — I eventually resumed my study, more convinced than ever that I was on the right track and had encountered a gold mine of truth. There was much that I did not accept from the teachings of Eckan- kar, even from the beginning, but I adopted an attitude of neutrality about the things I did not understand or accept. I tried to demonstrate and live the principles I understood, proving, one way or the other, whether they were true and worked for me or not. Having acquired The Path of the Light and Sound of God 1 9 most of Paul's books, I still wanted nothing more than to lose myself in the immense wisdom to which I had been exposed. Despite embarking on a business career, my spiritual quest contin- ued. Having completed law school and worked for several years with a private company, I decided to start my own firm. In a short time, we won several contracts and grew to a modest size. Even with business demanding more of my time, my greatest desire was to take time off to explore these materials. I would literally lock myself in a room and spend days reading Paul's works and practicing soul travel. I knew I had found something I had been searching for all of my life. I knew instinctively that there was a deeper truth. For years I had been waiting for something to happen but was unsure of what it might be. Finally, I learned that our physical existence is not all that there is. Substantially more existed, and its discovery created a level of excite- ment and wonder that I could never have imagined before my exposure to Paul's writings. In spite of my infatuation with its leader's writings, I approached Eckankar with a high level of skepticism, bringing the analytic rigor I had absorbed during my many years of legal study. But as much as I tried to deal with the issues intellectually, because so much of it involved an inner process akin to surrender, I could not approach these works with the same level of scrutiny. I had to learn to move beyond intellect and logic to something more basic — intuitive experience. On the surface, Paul challenged his readers not to believe anything he said. He merely asked them to keep an open mind and try the spiritual exer- cises he prescribed. In time, he maintained, the student would be able to prove the truth of his assertions to himself. I thought this fair, so I maintained neutrality on many of his pronouncements, even though some seemed like boasts, too grandiose and unsupported for my taste. Then too, there were inconsistencies and contradictions that were somewhat troubling but not fatally so. I attributed most of them to problems stemming from the sheer volume of material he produced in a short span of time. A Spiritual Traveler is Born The spiritual exercises of Eckankar were intriguing. They were an essential part of the teaching, for it was their regular practice that was 20 CONFESSIONS OF A GOD SEEKER the key to exploring the inner worlds of God. With them, I was sup- posed to be able to travel beyond my own physical body and experi- ence the worlds that Paul described. If such travel were possible, then I would stick with them until I had experienced these inner worlds for myself. What could be more thrilling and challenging? I wanted to take the next step to understanding who I was and what was my mission in life. At first, I used a spiritual exercise that Paul called the "Easy Way" technique. This exercise requires the practitioner to sit in a chair with back straight, yet relaxed. Her hands are interlaced and placed on the lap. The feet are comfortably planted flat on the floor or placed over each other while also resting on the floor. An important part of the tech- nique (not unlike those of meditation) is to relax and clear the mind. After taking a few deep breaths to aid relaxation, attention is focused on a point between the eyebrows and approximately an inch or so inward. This point is called, in most Eastern religions and in Eckankar, the "spiritual eye." She then begins to sing the word "HU" in an elon- gated way, drawing the breath out with the intonation of "Huuuuu." She continues to breathe deeply while relaxing and keeping the focus of attention on the spiritual eye. Eventually, a light or other object will appear on the screen of the mind. The seeker allows attention to be drawn into whatever she sees, observing and taking note of the details. It is precisely this shift of attention from the physical world to the images she sees on the inner screen that draws her consciousness from the physical into the inner worlds. The shift from body consciousness to the inner worlds is usu- ally not recognized, just as the transition from wake state to dream state is not recognized. Yet, once consciousness has made the shift, the med- itator may experience the sensation of flying or floating in space, among others. When this first happens, the seeker may become startled by the awareness that she has left the body, fully conscious, and trav- eled to another dimension. But if practiced over a continuous period, anxiety disappears and she is actually able to control the movement of consciousness. We need not be afraid of this exercise; there are always spiritual beings around to protect those just beginning to explore these inner dimensions. The Path of the Light and Sound of God 2 1 After some fits and starts, I found myself moving regularly out of the physical body and into the inner worlds. One of my first encounters in the inner regions was seeing a group of enormous lights moving toward me. At first, it was somewhat frightening, but later I sensed the warmth and feelings of love and protection emanating from them. As they surrounded me, I could make out beings. Their outer appearances were much like normal people, except that they projected a brilliant light. I looked down at myself and discovered that I was also a globe of radiant light, floating in the center of this circle. I sensed their commu- nication, not by words but by impressions. They greeted me with a joy like that of welcoming home a long-lost friend. I could not believe their excitement was directed at me! We communicated for some time, but the exact content I cannot recall. I only remember that I felt I had taken a new step and that I had been accepted as a part of a circle whose importance I could only surmise. This was only the first of countless experiences that I recall while traveling into these inner dimensions. Each experience left me with a feeling of oneness with a larger whole and of being protected in a way that made me feel very special. I recall awakening many mornings with a glow, a feeling of warmth and love that lasted for many days. It must have appeared to my staff that something was wrong with me. Imagine the president of a com- pany walking around all day with a giddy smile and a distant stare. They must have wondered what my drug of choice was! They never would have guessed that it was the radiance of the light and the love experienced in these inner regions of God. The source was no external object, it was inside me. In fact, it is inside all of us. Following these early experiences, I journeyed almost daily into the inner worlds. I saw cities, visited places of learning, and talked with denizens of the inner worlds, all in full consciousness. Each experience was as real and as complete as the experiences I had everyday in the physical world. There was no question in my mind that it was real, for if it were not, then my life as the president of a corporation, a husband, and a father was also an illusion. I visited the capital of the astral world, which I had come to know as Sahasra Dal Kanwal. I relived past lives that confirmed the reality of reincarnation. I traveled into the mental world and visited the city of Arhirit, a city described in the Bible: 22 CONFESSIONS OF A GOD SEEKER And the city lieth foursquare, and the length is as large as the breadth.... And the foundations of the wall of the city were garnished with all man- ner of precious stones.^ By the test that Paul had spelled out, I had apparently traveled to even higher regions, though I do not have as much memory of any forms observed on these planes. My only sensations on these planes were of sound and light. One of the tenets of Eckankar — derived from Shabd Yoga — is that God can be known as light and sound. The sound is the motion of the atoms of God as they descend into the lower worlds, giving life and sustenance to everything. As this wave of sound moves into different planes, it takes on different tones and different forms. In the inner worlds, we can hear these sounds as the buzzing of bees, the running of a brook, the tinkling of a bell, the celestial orches- tra, the wind, the flute of God, and other wondrous sounds. According to Eckankar, the sound of the buzzing of bees can be heard on the etheric plane. The celestial orchestras and the winds of God can be heard in the yet higher worlds of God. I have heard all these sounds. I have seen the radiance of the inner light, difficult to describe, but brighter, larger, and more magnificent than any view of the sun I have ever experienced. They are truly magnificent. Once we hear these celestial strains and see these inner sights, there is simply nothing in the physical world that can compare. All that is required is that we abandon fear and learn the techniques that enable consciousness to move beyond the body and into the inner worlds. My first encounter with the inner sounds of God took place when I was living on a boat in Washington, D.C. Early in the morning, I went into the forward cabin to perform my spiritual exercises. On one occa- sion, I awoke suddenly when I heard the sound of bees seeming to come from another part of the boat. How strange that there would be bees on my boat at five o'clock in the morning. I went back into con- templation and the sound was even louder. I got up, walked through the boat, and looked at the pier to see if a swarm of bees had descended. There was none. Though I had read and heard about this sound, I had no idea that it could be so loud, so ferocious, and so real. I went back into contemplation and again the sound of the bees came, this time even louder, with hundreds and hundreds of buzzing bees swarming in my inner world. I eventually settled down, realizing that I was experi- The Path of the Light and Sound of God 23 encing quite a blessing. I allowed my consciousness to flow with the sound and to become part of it. It was an illuminating experience that brought an awareness of experiencing the true inner realities of God. This was the most exciting part of my study of Eckankar. No longer was I dealing with a religion that told me about the spiritual experi- ences of others and denied my capacity to have my own. Instead, I was able to experience the very things I had read about. Each morning, I could not wait to see what new adventure I would have and what new sounds I would hear. One morning, the strangest of all sounds seemed to come from the docks. It was the sound of bagpipes, often compared to the cries of a cat in pain. Of all the sounds that I would have imagined to be heavenly, bagpipes were quite low on the list. As before, I thought it was simply an earthly sound. I wondered who could be playing bagpipes at five o'clock in the morning. So I came out of my contemplation, went out- side, and stood alone in the silence. Of course, there were no bagpipes. As it turns out, bagpipes are commonly heard in the inner worlds. I smiled, returned to my contemplation, and was transfigured by the extraordinary sounds of bagpipes, with which I have subsequently fallen in love. These are some of the experiences that anyone, if they take the time to try, can experience for himself. Having ventured this far with Paul's writings and instructions, I was perfectly ready to move deeper into the study and to learn more about what this extraordinary man had to teach. I became an Eckist and dedicated my life to becoming a spiritual mas- ter, the goal of all Eckists. Nothing was more exciting than the expan- sion of awareness in the inner worlds of God. Nothing could be! A Life of Service Eckankar teaches that God-Realization is not the ultimate objec- tive. Beyond the realization of God lies the recognition that enlightened souls operate the universes of God. All beings on all planes (angels, guardians, and deities) are souls. But they differ from you and me in that they have unfolded to a higher level of spiritual awareness and have chosen to serve as conscious co-workers with God. Every spiri- tual being eventually learns that practice in this ultimate role of co- worker is an essential part of spiritual development. To simply sit back. 24 CONFESSIONS OF A GOD SEEKER receive wisdom, and not share it with the rest of humanity is not only selfish but also counterproductive. If an individual hoards the spiritual insights he has gained, his own spiritual growth will be delayed. After several years in Eckankar, my life of service in spreading the divine message began to expand. My early years in Eckankar seemed very easy. Much of the material was self-evident. In less than the usual two years, and at the request of local leaders, I was initiated into the teachings of Eckankar, which enabled me to become an "Arahata," or instructor. This allowed me to speak at public gatherings and to teach those who wanted to learn more about the path. I began speaking at more and more events. I was at my third initiation for a relatively short period, when the Eckankar spiritual leader at that time, Darwin Gross, invited me to skip a level and receive the Fifth Initiation. This initiation is considered a very important stage in the spiritual development of a seeker, for at this stage the seeker is said to have attained self-aware- ness. Soul then has the opportunity to assist others in their exploration of the worlds of God as a part of their continuing spiritual service and development. I became a fixture at Eckankar seminars, enthusiastically working with seminar directors to manage the larger convocations of Eckists that took place several times a year. Often, I was called upon to speak or conduct workshops on these occasions. These activities took me to many parts of the United States, Europe, Canada, and Africa. During these seminars, I worked directly with the seminar staff at the Eckankar International Office and also spoke at numerous seminars at the invita- tion of Eckists from around the world. The span of my involvement in this teaching, at this writing, is approximately thirty years. In the last five years, my role had become that of a major presenter of the Eckan- kar works at regional seminars worldwide. As a guest speaker, I have met and spoken with thousands of God- seekers in various parts of the world. At major seminars in Africa alone, attendance has ranged from four to ten thousand. All of this was done in the name of service and to share the principles that I had learned and practiced. Sharing the truth of God is what I have chosen to do in life. As a married man with children, I have had to earn a living and provide for my family. This has given me an opportunity to put the The Path of the Light and Sound of God 25 spiritual principles I have learned into practice. I have done this in the creation and management of several companies. In many talks I have tried to show others how to use the God principles to bring abundance and happiness into their lives. This is a goal that is achievable by any- one willing to learn and apply the principles of spirit. In my last five years with Eckankar, requests to speak and to meet with seekers at statewide and international events increased substan- tially. I began to develop and explore new dimensions of the spiritual truths that were spelled out in Eckankar works only superficially. Rather than simply relating stories of my experiences with divine spirit, I preferred to talk about the spiritual principles and the laws of the uni- verse that empower people to discover and prove these principles for themselves. There is nothing wrong with stories, but, in my experience, they often leave the listener enamored or even moved by its contents, but fail to convey the underlying spiritual principles that can be applied generically. The audiences before whom I spoke, evinced a hunger to learn and understand these spiritual principles, which were seldom the focus amidst the flood of stories. My role in Eckankar seemed to be one of bridging the gap between the profound but sometimes incomprehensible works of Paul Twitchell and the pleasant anecdotes and stories preferred by the present Living Eck Master, Harold Klemp. I have always thought that souls are differ- ent and require a variety of approaches before they can be reached. Paul thought this too, and so wrote poetry, prose, and fiction to get his mes- sage across. In my presentations, I attempted to bring a balance between the spiritual principles seekers needed to know and examples of how they worked. Journey of the God-seeker While this book deals with the experiences of one God-seeker as he journeyed through Eckankar and other paths to reach God-Realization, in a broader sense, it is the story of all God-seekers. Everyone hears this call, though some resist and others ignore it entirely. In the end, all will hear the call again and eventually respond. My journey through Eckankar is particularly important because Eckankar purports to be the highest spiritual teaching on the planet today. Indeed, it is a teaching that is profound in content, approach, and promise. On reading some of 26 CONFESSIONS OF A GOD SEEKER the Eckankar books, one is apt to think that they have found the final spiritual answer. In time, one learns, as did I, that when soul comes to understand its origin and returns in consciousness to the point of unity from which all derives, it has reached the "I AM" state, for all is here and now. My public service in Eckankar continued until January 2002, when I made my last Eckankar presentation before a group of Eckists in Chi- cago, Illinois. It became clear at that time that my talks had been influ- enced by a string of events that altered my spiritual journey forever. Indeed, the events of November and December 2001 were extraordi- nary. They expanded my capacity to peer deeply into a teaching I loved dearly and to help the people in it whom I loved even more. It is because of my love for them, and the connection that I have with all souls seeking higher states of awareness, that I have written this book. Chapter 3 — How the Journey Started First Contact It all began innocently enough. My staff and I were in the final stages of preparing for an upcoming speaking tour in England. The six- day, seven-workshop tour was taking shape, and I was looking forward to a reunion with friends I had made during speaking visits to England in prior years. About a month before my departure, a member of my staff brought me a communication that had been received through my company's e-mail. The message was unusual, in part because it came from a High Initiate (HI) in Eckankar who lived in England. It received my immediate attention. Here is the message: From: Lisa Kyle Sent: Friday, October 05, 2001 10:37 AM To: Ford Johnson Subject: Requesting Your Advice! London, England October 05, 2001 Dear Ford, I am greatly in need of your wisdom and advice. I am presuming on my contact with you over the years at various seminars and on stage in the UK to ask for your trust and help in light of a rather extraordinary situa- tion. Myself and a fellow H.I., Mary Voaden, are in contact with an individ- ual who is having the most profound inner experiences and initiations seemingly on the same levels and also beyond those of Paul and Harold. Whilst I know that we do come across these individuals in Eckankar who make certain claims, the very nature and quality of what is occur- 28 CONFESSIONS OF A GOD SEEKER ring with Graham seems to be in a completely different league from anything that has come my way previously. As to Graham himself, rarely have I talked with someone so full of caring, integrity, love, and humility. I would really appreciate, depending on how you feel after having read this, if I could email you some of Graham's journals and then perhaps arrange for us to have a meet-up when you are over in the UK in a few weeks time so you could meet Graham and also so he could talk with you. The nature of the experiences detailed in Graham's journals and from what he is sharing with us are not only profound with new slants and information on certain aspects of the Eck teachings but are also utterly extraordinary on a spiritual wisdom level and could have wide reaching ramifications for Eckankar. Graham's early journals tell of his experiences as he unfolds from Sec- ond to Thirteenth Initiate and detail his meetings and contact with all the elements of the hierarchy through all the planes and into the heart of God. In his latest writings, he shares his preparations for the Fourteenth Initiation and the Mahantaship and the subject matter widens citing such things as the site of the Oracle of Tirmer being replaced by the Cave of Tomsk on the inner planes due to the worsening effects of the conditions in Tibet and in the world; (Rebazar has now said that this is a fascia fronting a Temple above the Pyrenees where the ceremony will take place); information for the next phase for the movement of Eckankar; detailed descriptions of the Nine Silent Ones and a number of incredibly profound wisdom teachings from their named spokesperson (far from being cold and aloof these Beings are love itself); mention of an ancient Eck Master of the Sixteenth Initiation, who is rarely in embodiment and who works mostly within the Eck itself. This Master is preparing Gra- ham for his next step spiritually under the protection of the Nine Silent Ones. The latest writings contain information most delicate/sensitive in nature. Graham has been told that his journal has to be placed in front of Sri Harold sooner rather than later. Depending on what happens then, the next step will be made clear. With love and blessings Lisa Kyle The contents immediately piqued my interest, and I instructed my assistant to ask Lisa to send me a copy of the journal so that I could How the Journey Started 29 review it firsthand. Upon review of the document, it was clear that it lived up to the billing that Lisa had given it. It contained more than sixty detailed accounts of the spiritual experiences of a devoted student of Eckankar. Over a period of about seven years (1994-2001), Graham meticulously wrote of a series of inner spiritual experiences, more pro- found and far reaching than any I had read in the Eckankar writings, with the exception of Paul Twitchell's The Tiger 's Fang.^ What was even more impressive was that all of the experiences occurred during Graham's reading of the discourses and while he was practicing the spiritual exercises that the spiritual leader of Eckankar had outlined for each chela. 2 (With Graham's permission, I have included portions of this journal in the following chapter.) It was striking that Graham had consistently used his secret word^ and other techniques taught by the Living Eck Master to test the valid- ity of his spiritual experiences. So much was happening to Graham that he wanted to make certain he was not deceiving himself and that his experiences were valid. During most of these journeys into the inner worlds, Harold Klemp (Wah Z^) — or an image thereof — accompa- nied Graham. These inner travels also included experiences with many other masters, some familiar and others unfamiliar in Eckankar writ- ings. I had been contacted because the His assisting Graham felt that I might be able to present these materials directly to the leader of Eckan- kar, Sri Harold Klemp, the Mahanta, the Living Eck Master. The writ- ings appeared to be those of a very responsible and dedicated God- seeker of the highest integrity. Whether true or not, they certainly were the works of someone who believed, with all his heart, that his experi- ences were pure and true. From his journal, Graham appears to have been compelled to agree to have his materials presented to Sri Harold. After speaking several times by phone with Mary (a close friend of Graham and Lisa), and learning more about Graham, I requested that she contact him and set up a telephone conversation between the two of us. Mary told me that she had known Graham for a number of years and became aware that he was having experiences in the inner worlds that far exceeded anything about which she had encountered or read. They became friends and she encouraged him on numerous occasions to con- 30 CONFESSIONS OF A GOD SEEKER tinue with his work, sensing its potential importance. It was on the strength of her personal knowledge of Graham and her certainty of his integrity that she and Lisa felt comfortable asking for my assistance in presenting the journal to Sri Harold Klemp. She then set the time for a telephone conversation. Mary sent Graham's journal to me in two parts. The first consisted of spiritual experiences from 1994 through 2000. These were extraor- dinary enough, but not as sensitive in regard to Eckankar as the content of later materials from 2001 . Mary sent me the first part of Graham's materials as a test to see if I could handle the more sensitive material. When I spoke with Mary, I told her that I found the materials to be con- sistent with other Eckankar's writings. Certainly, if the writings of Paul Twitchell, the experiences of Harold Klemp, and the books of Phil Morimitsu^ and James Davis's were valid, then Graham's journeys must also be considered valid. In each instance, the experiences of the writer could never be proven objectively. They were accepted on the strength of the integrity of the individual writing them and on the assumption that no one would lie about experiences with God. Later, Mary sent me the second part of Graham's journal. These were of a highly delicate nature because, if accepted by the Spiritual Leader of Eckankar, they would change the entire course and direction of the teaching. It was precisely because of the extraordinary and por- tentous nature of these writings that as a High Initiate, "chief channels for the Eck power,"^ I considered it my duty and my obligation to bring these materials to the attention of Sri Harold Klemp. Several days after reviewing the material, I phoned Graham to tell him that I considered his experiences extraordinary and his insights illuminating. My words evoked a palpable sigh of relief felt across an entire ocean. I cautioned Graham that it was not my place to judge the truth of his materials but assured him that I sensed his sincerity, hon- esty, and integrity — the only basis forjudging spiritual experiences. I concluded by saying that I would do everything in my power to ensure that these materials were placed in front of Sri Harold Klemp. How the Journey Started 3 1 As a follow-up, I sent him this letter: November 2, 2001 Graham Forsyth West Yorkshire, England Dear Graham, I have read your experiences several times and I am quite comfortable with what I have read in terms of presenting them to HK. What you have brought forth, in the experiences you have shared, is extremely profound. Your writings convey a truth, power and light that I have not encountered except in some of Paul's writings. The Master was entirely correct when he told you that the truth and sin- cerity of your writings would not be difficult for the truth seeker to see and accept. There are so many who have reached the level of the fifth initiation and who seem dead in their active service to Eckankar. They would be enlivened by much of what you have to say. One of my concerns is what materials would you be presenting to HK? The entire record is too much to expect him to review in the short time that we will be there. Then too, there are some parts of the writings that I do not think should be transmitted. We can put the package together when we are in Washington but give careful thought to this. The human factor is still at play and you don't want to dig yourself a hole unneces- sarily. If HK rejects the appeal directly or refuses to meet or respond, then the next course of action is unclear. I would like to know what your thinking is about your next step if this is the outcome. It is possible that HK might accept your experiences and invite you to Minnesota to work for Eckankar for a while as a type of apprenticeship. Working there for a while without the immediate responsibilities of tak- ing over might be perceived as being in the best interest of the whole. I am only saying here that you might want to consider that this is one pos- sible outcome. HK followed this approach himself before he took over as the LEM studying under Darwin Gross for several years. Have you started a book or given consideration to one? Obviously this will be needed as soon as possible regardless of the outcome of the visit to MN. Your writings are very profound and form an excellent basis for your book. What is your timetable on this or will you take it a step at a time as spirit unfolds it to you? 32 CONFESSIONS OF A GOD SEEKER What direction are you getting on the inner on these questions? I have many questions and issues to discuss and I am truly looking for- ward to meeting and talking with you! May the Blessings Be, Ford Johnson P.S. Enclosed is a copy of the letter I sent to HK announcing our visit. Sensing the importance of these materials and the possibihty that Harold might need to meet and speak with Graham confidentially, I wrote to Harold Klemp, informing him of the events that had transpired and also telling him that Mary, Lisa, Graham, and I would be traveling to Minnesota following my speaking tour in England. This is the letter that I sent to Sri Harold Klemp: November?, 2001 Ford Johnson Sri Harold Klemp The Mahanta, The Living Eck Master PO Box 27300 Minneapolis, MN 55427 Dear Harold, During the week of Nov. 2-7th I will be engaged in a Vahana tour in England set up by the English Chelas. This will consist of a series of 6 workshops in 6 cities in five days. It will be quite exciting and will pre- pare the way for the Regional Seminar in or near London the following weekend when A*B* will speak. On October 5, 2001, I received a rather extraordinary letter from an HI in England asking for advice and assistance on a matter she regarded as needing to be brought to your attention as soon as possible. I encounter many of these situations during various speaking engagements for Eck- ankar during the year. But this one was truly different and was of such a nature that I felt it had to be brought to your attention. The issue involves an English Chela named Graham who over a period of seven years has recorded a series of inner experiences that, in their content and detail, are on the order of Paul's writings in The Tiger's How the Journey Started 33 Fang and your writings. Many of these descriptions involve meetings with many of the ECK Masters and contain messages from these mas- ters that deal with Eckankar that Graham has been instructed to commu- nicate to you. In this situation, I believe it is my responsibility as a Mahdis to bring this to your attention for your disposition. The Chela in question and the two His from England that brought this matter to my attention both regard these communications as highly credible, having known this per- son for several years. Indeed, they have decided to accompany me back to the US along with Graham and travel to Minnesota to personally deliver these materials. I have read them also and do agree with the English His that the materials should be presented directly to you. Accordingly, we will be arriving in Minnesota on Thursday, November 15, at which time I will contact SK* to give her a package containing these materials that, I trust, she will deliver to you personally. After that, Graham will be available to meet with you if you should choose to meet. The group will remain until Sunday morning, November 18 in hopes that you might wish to speak with one or more of them before they leave. I realize that this action is somewhat unusual, but I can assure you that I would not even consider it if I did not think that it was of the utmost importance. May the Blessings Be, Ford Johnson ESA Having taken steps to bring these materials to the Living Eck Mas- ter, I continued with final arrangements for my speaking tour. I also went over Graham's journal again. The implications for Eckankar were staggering. I had no idea how things would play out. Arrival in London: The English Tour I arrived in England on the morning of Monday, November 5th, 2001 . 1 was greeted by my old friend Albert, a dedicated Eckist with whom I had previously worked in spreading the message of Eck. An extraordinary amount of work had gone into preparing for the trip. The workshop posters, circulated in large quantities, laid the groundwork for what was to be an exciting and highly successful speaking tour. 34 CONFESSIONS OF A GOD SEEKER Workshops were presented in Leicester, Edinburgh, Durham, Newcas- tle upon Tyne, East Sussex, Reading, Somerset and London. Prior to coming to England, I had tried to arrange a meeting with Mary, Lisa, and Graham to discuss the content of his journal and our upcoming trip to Minnesota. The original plan was for just Graham and I to meet with Sri Harold Klemp. But because of Mary's and Lisa's sup- port of him over the years and perhaps also because of the novelty of flying (he had never even left Britain), Graham asked if they would accompany him, and they accepted. Aside from the scheduling prob- lems associated with my speaking engagements, Graham's circum- stances also posed difficulties in arranging a visit with him. Although one of the workshops took place about thirty miles from Graham's home, my schedule and the confidentiality of our communi- cations did not permit a visit. Albert, who organized the tour and accompanied me to each site, knew nothing about my communication with Graham. The earliest opportunity to meet would be the day of our flight back to the United States. We planned to get together at Heath- row Airport prior to our flight to Washington, D.C., and later to Chan- hassen, Minnesota, the site of the Temple of Eck. That was the best we could do. So, the idea of meeting, discussing, and planning was put in abeyance until our departure. My attention was now focused on completing the tour and sharing what I hoped would be an empowering message on the workshop theme: "Making the Most of Life through Reincarnation, Dreams and Soul Travel." After the fourth workshop (Newcastle upon Tyne), we returned to London for a short rest before going back on the road for the final phase of the tour. During the London visit, I received a call from the Temple of Eck. It was from Sri Harold Klemp's assistant, who informed me that, because of his busy schedule, Sri Harold preferred that we not bring Graham's journal to Minnesota. Instead, he requested that I simply send the journal. The Living Eck Master would review it in due course. I sensed that something was up, but what? Chapter 4 — The Spiritual Journal of Graham Forsyth Preparing Graham's Journal for the Master At times, the enormousness of the course on which we had embarked seemed overwhelming. Because of the sheer power, scope, and depth of Graham's journal, it simply had to be brought to the atten- tion of the Living Eck Master. No one could guess what Harold's response would be, but it had to be sent. Like Jonah, Graham was reluc- tantly and almost defiantly resisting the implications of his inner expe- riences. Indeed, I think it would be fair to say that presenting his journal to the Living Eck Master was the last thing Graham wanted. Yet, for the God-seeker, there is little latitude in carrying out God's will. The inner push to answer the call is powerful and overwhelming. The inner assurances needed to bolster the God-seeker's compulsion to serve come when needed. This is what Graham was told during one of his inner journeys in September of 2001: Those few whom you have met and talked with will surprise you by their readiness to accept you. Remember, nothing is by accident, all is for a reason. You have been led, placed, kept, and unfolded very pre- cisely. You've often wondered and asked why others accept your experi- ences very easily, in fact, more easily than you've accepted them yourself. Well, now you have the answer to this question that you've asked repeatedly; they have always been aware of you, according to design. 1 The flight back to the U.S. was lonely but productive. When one's attention has been completely spiritual for more than a week, it is diffi- cult to revert to the role of corporate president. The very next day, I was immersed in the latest details of home and office. After attending meet- ings and being briefed on the events of the previous week, I was 36 CONFESSIONS OF A GOD SEEKER pleased to find that nothing had blown up and that my excellent staff had done a superb job of moving things forward. I immediately began work on the journal to give it more structure so that it would be easier for the Living Eck Master to review. I was sensitive to how busy he is. I remembered in the past I had written him long letters for which I had been good-naturedly chided. Revamping the journal involved giving each experience a title and developing a table of contents. After about two days, it was finally ready to be sent. Some of the material in Graham's journal was so sensitive that I was concerned it might not receive a positive response. We wanted to avoid the all-too-human reaction of anger. Sri Harold Klemp, like any- one else, is subject to anger, ego, and all other human responses. Many who follow spiritual leaders often ascribe to them almost superhuman emotional control. Because of my past experiences with Harold, I thought it wiser to omit potentially inflammatory materials. However, I have included them in this book. (The full text of this journal is con- tained in a book authored by Graham. 2) Perhaps some background on Graham would be of interest here. Graham was bom, raised, and has lived his entire life in the small town of Keighley, in West Yorkshire, England. As he describes it, his life was nothing out of the ordinary for a person from a working-class background. His early years were largely influenced by his father, whom Graham describes as "a man of very narrow vision, short on understanding, devoid of patience and a Communist through and through." As testament to the power of soul to transcend any situation and environment, Graham made it through his early years with an inter- est in debate and a thousand questions with which he terrorized his middle-and secondary-school teachers. He took a keen interest in reli- gion while in Senior School under the instruction of a Catholic teacher, who, according to Graham, was the most influential person in his life. Long after he left school, he remembered the words of his religion teacher: "There will come a time when you will believe in God." After completing school, Graham became a blacksmith and welder and soon began having experiences of an unusual nature. Late one night, Graham awoke to find a young man, about nineteen years of age, with ginger-colored hair and a pale complexion, kneeling beside his The Spiritual Journal of Graham Forsyth 37 bed. Thinking that he was being robbed, he lunged at him. When his hands and arms passed right through the young man, he realized that he was an apparition of some sort. He could see the door through his visi- tor's body! He was convinced