Image via screengrab

Dearest Ellen:

Perhaps no one has told you, but being a lesbian doesn't grant you the right to be a total bitch free from criticism. Contrary to what it seems many in the militant LGBTQ club believe, your sexual friction preference doesn't give you special rights. Including the right to prance through life without anyone mocking you, or calling you to the carpet for your errors.

Your most recent error was blaming Vice President Pence for the "hate crime" against Jussie Smollett. A hate crime as real as your grasp on accountability. You didn't wait for facts. You didn't hit pause before blaming the LGBTQ's favorite boogieman for what turned out to be smoke, mirrors and a handwritten check. No, no, like all entitled leftists, you had an agenda to push and damn the consequences.

You had the chance to be the bigger person, to admit you'd rushed to judgment like a lesbian running to Orbitz, to take the high ground after slumming it in the hate blame game for a few weeks. But, you didn't. In your Hollywood Reporter column, you wrote:

I had no reason to doubt Jussie. My work on Gaycation — the docuseries I produced to chronicle LGBTQ+ stories from around the world — introduced me to many survivors of hate violence. I know how prevalent and pernicious it can be. If this situation was staged, it could make victims even more reluctant to report these crimes. Very real crimes.

Emphasis mine. Not to be that grammar nazi or anything, but you misspelled "I apologize for my giant f*ckup." May want to have a few more people proof your column next time, Ellen dearest.

Now, aside from plugging your various projects in the THR column (I see what you did there, so prepare yourself as I do the same), you column was largely a cryfest about how hard it is to be a lady who likes to do it with other ladies. As if lesbians, gays, bisexuals and all the alphabet of the LGBTQAAIP (to the power of pi) own the exclusive rights to being harassed.

No. You don't. But for argument's sake, let's look at the case you used to buffer your lack of apology for being an insufferable bitch.

From the start of the [Seahawks] game, a man seated nearby began badgering the two openly gay women. He taunted them in front of the crowd. He asked them if they "needed a man in their lives." He called them "fucking dykes." He asked them if they "wanted some dick." They tried their best to ignore him and watch the game as he left to buy beer. The relief was short-lived.

Though I don't know who this man is, we all know the type. And were I a betting person, I'd say this douche is a douche to everyone. Not just lesbians. Which doesn't excuse his behavior, don't misunderstand. I'm just saying this asshole has likely harassed other people, regardless of their sexual orientation. There's a reason we have and use the words "douche" and "asshole" by the way. They were coined long before lesbians headed to football games.

He returned to his seat, walked up to one of the women, unzipped her jacket and grabbed her breast — refusing to let go. As she struggled to free herself, he threw a beer in her face. Other fans tackled the man to the ground, but not before he punched the woman's wife in the face. He broke her tooth, blood gushing from her nose. We, as LGBTQ+ people, are forced to fear for our safety because instances of hate violence, like the violence these women experienced in Seattle, happen. They happen to us all the time.

This is awful. This man is an asshole. An asshole who was taken down by plenty of good people, but you'd rather not focus on the army of good people who came to the rescue.

But the attitude only LGBTQ+ people have to deal with assholes is entirely false. Straight people deal with assholes all the time. Did you hear the one about the MAGA-hat teen boys who smiled? Or what about the conservative student who got cold-cocked by a leftist at Berkeley? If not, do you remember when a disabled teen was kidnapped and attacked by four black teens for being a white Trump supporter? Those are just three cases from the top of my head, but there are many more. Miserable human beings are equal opportunity, Ellen. I present you as evidence.

Before the Jussie Smollet hate crime hoax commandeered your attention and what little brain power you possessed, you were on the warpath for Chris Pratt. Remember that? All Chris did was bring a little light into people's lives by extolling the virtues of being a positive person. For which you targeted him. Here I go with a plug to that story: Ellen Page Church Shames Chris Pratt. That Makes Her An Anti-Christian Bigot, No?

You couldn't just silently disagree with Pratt and move on with your life. No, you had to target a man who's done absolutely nothing to you. You embodied all that it means to be a bigot and went after what, from my view, appears to be a kind and decent man. Why? Well because you're full of hate.

That's right: you, Ellen Page, are a hateful, intolerant bigot. You hate anyone who doesn't align with you. You hate anyone who doesn't stamp your lifestyle with glowing approval. You hate anyone who dares hold you accountable for your wrongful actions. You then hide behind your sexuality anytime someone suggests you did wrong. You use your lesbianism like a shield, then as a cudgel against those you consider your enemies. Enemies, to you, is apparently anyone who doesn't deem you brave for being a lesbian in 21st century America.

You close your column with this:

No child, no teenager, no adult — no one deserves to be victimized because of who they are. No one should feel shame for who they were born to be or to live their life in fear. I am going to use my voice and visibility to continue speaking and — as storytellers and members of an industry with a global platform — I implore you to join me.

How about leading by example, Ellen? If no one deserves to be victimized because of who they are, then stop trying to make victims of people because of who they are. Or who they are not. Then have a little integrity: call out the people who exploit actual victims, like Jussie Smollett, who trivialize real intolerance and hate for their own gain.

I am going to use my voice and visibility to continue writing -- as storytellers and members of an industry with a growing global platform despite leftists trying to deplatform us -- I implore you to cease your bitchy ways and join me.

~Written by Courtney Kirchoff