Alright guys, let's have a talk. First of all, don't worry, I'm all good, no need to send condolences to my family haha.

Yes, I did ask for this.

Yes, I totally freaked out and deleted my Reddit account; my dumb ass used my Instagram username, and judging by the flood of deeply disturbing/visually penisgraphic DMs I was getting, I did not want to lead them here. I see you found me anyway. Hi Reddit!

To the people who thought I was just fishing: on r/RoastMe? ...wut.

To the "ex" who posted: It doesn't sound like we've ever met; also you spelled my name wrong... #IbeforeEexceptafterC

So in summary, I am a dumbass and I make reddit really, really angry

Thank you to the majority of commenters, who were actually funny, and thank you to all the nice people who had my back against the people who just got excited about a free pass to use the "c" word. Love you guys