Is your relationship ‘worth it’?

When a relationship is off track or out of alignment, you can begin to wonder if it is even worth it any more.

Things start to feel way too hard. You don’t want to fight to be understood. You want communication to be easier.

Things are feeling hopeless…

Do I even get to be ME in this relationship? Is it even possible to feel the closeness we once had?

What if ‘This Is Your Life’?

You’re longing for her to reach out and touch you – just a hug even – but she doesn’t seem to even notice you arrived home. She’s clearly frazzled – the kids are yelling and who knows what kind of day she had at work. She’s probably exhausted, so you decide to lovingly rub her shoulders.

SHE ACTUALLY FLINCHES!

Rage and hurt bubble up inside you. You don’t say anything because the kids are right there, but a part of you wants to do something spiteful. Another part wants to close off, just go away.

You just wanted to connect, trying to show her love and care.

Now you don’t know what to do.

You’re worried about what the rest of the night might bring. You’ve got to make it through dinner, dishes, homework, bedtime routine. Above all, be a good dad, husband – function at work tomorrow. You’ve got to keep your cool.

But Inside, You’re Hurt. You’re Lonely.

Throughout the evening, the two of you are like ships passing in the night. You speak to get things done, but there is no connection, no feeling. Tension is high. When the kids are finally settled, you each lay in bed looking at your phones.

Your thoughts are racing, praying she will reach out or say something comforting. You could do the same but are worried it will start a fight. Even worse, what if she rejects you again?

Suddenly, she turns off her light, rolls over, and flatly says, “good night.”

Your heart sinks.

Do I Even Matter to Her Anymore?

The next few days things slowly improve, but you feel like you’re walking on eggshells. You say something testy about the way she’s loading the dishes, and she gives you a glare. Thankfully it all blows over…

Toward the end of the week, you even start to laugh together a little. The kids seem more relaxed.

You let down your guard, leading you to make the statement that is like setting off a bomb:

“You never want to have sex anymore.”

As predictable as the sun rising, she snaps back, “Of course, I don’t want to have sex anymore! I don’t feel sexy. And you just make me feel worse! You know what happened to me when I was young. WHY would I want to have sex when you’re criticizing me? You just don’t get it.” And down the hole you go.

You just wanted to connect with her, but now things are worse than ever.

How does this happen?

You Want to Share Your Full Self, but Instead, You’re Afraid

You don’t know how to talk about your needs and wants without feeling shut down or rejected. You don’t know how to make her feel safe and cared for.

Everything you do seems wrong in her eyes.

You want to be accepted and understood. You want to feel close and connected. You want her to know that you never mean to hurt her. You want to feel like you matter.

But it all seems SO hard…

You Deserve to Live a Life Where You Feel Important and Loved.

No matter what the current state of your relationship or your life, we know this is possible for you.