ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

In what political analysts have described as a watered-down version of The Green’s controversial ‘Death to Boomers’ policy, Bill Shorten and his team of thugs were shocked to learn that their policy of removing franking credits and making changes to negative gearing legislation has polled quite well.

As these policies only affect a small group of wealthy individuals, namely the aging population of baby boomers who through their latent environmental and economic vandalism have doomed us all, the rest of the nation has responded positively to the changes.

Speaking to the media this morning from some hellhole in Victoria, the Opposition leader Bill Shorten said they didn’t expect the population to be so supportive but they’ll take anything they’ll get as this point.

“Who would’ve thought a policy that aims to balance wealth has been so widely liked,” said Shorten.

“The media doesn’t seem to like it. Wonder why? I don’t know and I don’t really care. There’s people out there paying negative income tax – people worth millions of dollars receiving thousands from the Commonwealth each year,”

“Don’t look too much into our other policies, though. You don’t need to because they’re just as good as that one. The only way the LNP will get into office again is when these so called ‘boomer fucks’ die out, their kids will inherit the money and become Liberal voters overnight. Mark my words but. May the ALP lead this nation for a thousand years!”

A reporter from The Australian then raised his hand to ask Bill a question but an ABC reporter was on hand to stab him in the armpit with a Biro.

Everybody laughed and left the Oz reporter to writhe around on the grass while the conference dispersed around him.

More to come.