Written by Neville Percival Croft

Seeing Hollywood take a more progressive stance towards how it treats its franchises is nothing short of wonderful. In the past, the patriarchy gripped Hollywood by the throat, but does so no longer. Progressive heroes rise from the ashes of the patriarchy and this is very clearly evident in homosexual Palpatine, bisexual Woody and lesbian Elsa. Recently another beloved movie character has been improved to reflect modern times. That hero is Godzilla, who has just come out as an asexual transgender monster of size according to our very own NPC Daily journalists.

Godzilla smashes the monster patriarchy in xirs latest movie.

This news came to us after treasured reporter Jared Michelle, who had recently seen the new movie, decided to ask the producers and story writers a few questions he desperately wanted answered. These were the questions that had literally everyone begging for an answer, especially regarding Godzilla’s gender and sexuality. Fortunately, Jared’s interviews reaped a bounty of progressive rewards. Here’s what he had to say:

I have never asked so my questions before in my entire life. Thankfully the persons of unassumed gender identities revealed all. In honour of pride month, they declared that Godzilla is an asexual transgender monster of size! Turns out that between the first and second movie, he transitioned from male to female! What makes it even better is that Godzilla defies the stereotypical gender binary and goes by xe/xir! Jared Michelle, NPC Daily journalist.

This was a sigh of relief for the millions of movie goers who had those questions in mind. Hearing this news made me literally quake with joy (quake means to shake while queer, dear reader). Not often do you see a non-human character identify as something so courageous, so fierce and so brave. We here at the NPC Daily headquarters applaud this tremendous announcement and hope that Hollywood continues to hear our completely valid demands.

Here’s a happy picture of Joe Biden to further brighten your day.

Joe knows how many sniffs it takes to save America.