INGRID DOULTON| Culture | Contact

Federal Labor has proven once again that they’re simply the diet version of the Coalition this morning by announcing that boomer fucks can trade their franking credits for bits of Great Barrier Reef coral their entitled generation has bleached beyond recognition.

This is the second capitulation Bill Shorten, known locally in the Diamantina as the de-jesus-ed ScoMo, has let happen in the past 48 hours.

The second being his idle bipartisanship in letting Nauru and Manus medical evacuations be diverted to Christmas Island first.

However, in this latest backflip, Labor said today that while they can’t simply give an entitled boomer money for nothing, they can meet them in the middle.

Speaking to journalists today, Shorten explained that his party is in the business of winning an election, not making progressive inner-city elites feel warm and fuzzy inside like the Greens.

“We understand that Boomers are entitled to live a long and happy life in retirement,” said Shorten.

“Even if that means somebody else has to pay for it. But while we cannot afford to give people with enormous share portfolios money for simply being that wealthy, we can give them another token of appreciation,”

“Pieces of bleached coral.”

The Advocate reached out to the Coalition for comment but have yet to receive a reply.