Vegan Dirt Cake Pie

Sunday, 7:55am, 3 days before my 29th birthday: I’m bundled to the max yet still shivering, standing outside Target waiting for the doors to open. An employee opens the doors and says, “We aren’t quite ready to open, but you can come in and warm up if you want.” I smile partially at this man’s kindness, but mostly out of embarrassment, and I think to myself, “How did I get here?” When I worked at a Starbucks inside Target in high school, I used to laugh at those door-busting people. What could be so important that you got out of bed to be the first to break through those bullseye doors?

For me, this past Sunday, it was 2 packs of oreos that brought me there so early in the morning. I’m apparently that person. After 29 years on this planet, my Sundays have turned into early mornings and packaged cookies.





Of course, my lame Sunday started with great intention. For the past couple years I’ve made a tradition of sharing a favorite treat on my birthday, and this year I had a vision of vegan dirt cake pie. As I’ve mentioned before, my birthday dessert of choice is dirt cake served out of a bucket with a mini shovel. It’s a family tradition, and one that isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. However, it does kind of kill me to have a dessert with all of those processed ingredients, so I set out to make a decadent vegan version, without all the junk (except the oreos, because what is dirt cake without oreos? sometimes you just gotta).





I made it the first time on New Year’s Eve and it was PERFECT, but it stuck to the pan. I made it again on Saturday, this time with tons of coconut oil rubbed all over the pie pan, and it stuck again. I made them into bars with parchment, and they weren’t as good because the crust:filling ratio was just all WRONG SO WRONG, so then on Sunday morning, after my early Target run, I decided to try freezing the crust instead of baking it, and it stuck AGAIN.

There was profanity. There was a red face and a hot fiery rage. There was fear (sorry Ry).





So, one more time with feeling, I greased and parchmented (a word? no?) the HECK out of a cake pan, and the crust slid right out. I rejoiced in silence so as to not jinx the magic. The world felt right again. It was a birthday miracle.





Now you know that the fortress of parchment you see in picture #2 is absolutely necessary. Don’t experience the pain I did. You don’t deserve that.

If you’re not familiar with dirt cake, it has a few crucial components: chocolate pudding, cool whip, and, of course oreos. The chocolate pudding element is usually made of instant pudding mix, milk, butter, and cream cheese. In my version, the chocolate pudding consists of silken tofu, cocoa powder, powdered sugar, and melted chocolate chips. It’s sweet, smooth, and the perfect consistency for folding into the whipped coconut cream, which takes the place of highly-processed cool whip. The two together make a creamy mousse-like texture, which sits on top of a crisp oreo crust. The filling firms up slightly in the fridge to simplify slicing and serving, and then you top it all off with more crushed oreos, because it just feels so right.

Previous years’ birthday treats include:

1 year ago: Vegan Chai Spice Cake with Vanilla Bean Buttercream

2 years ago: Brown Butter Quinoa Monster Cookies

Off to eat vegan dirt cake pie for breakfast, and dirt cake from a bucket for dessert. #29 #adulthood

