Los Angeles, CA—

Steve Bannon of Breitbart News made headlines when he announced that President Donald Johnny Trump has about a 30% chance of finishing his entire first term in office.

Family friends have explained to The Halfway Post that Steve Bannon hates the idea that his burgeoning Nazi revolution in America’s right wing politics will be nipped in the bud when President Donald Trump is forced to resign, and “dorky Mike Pence takes over as Jesus-Freak-in-Chief.”

“Steven Bannon is a student of history, a creepy one,” said a former Hollywood producer who worked with Bannon on some of his early documentary projects, and requested anonymity so as to avoid being known as having ever collaborated with Bannon. “Bannon as a presidential adviser will definitely go down in history as a consequential one. Steve has created an alt-right frankensteinian monster in Trump, assembled together from a hodgepodge collage of nationalistic and fascist historical influences, like if Mussolini, Hitler, and William Randolph Hearst had all jerked off on to an ovum at once and raised little Donnie slapping him everyday and telling him that he is a joke.”

Bannon’s close friends have explained that the Alt-Right nazi takeover of America will be much harder for Bannon to accomplish if Pence turns every political issue of the day into an evangelical show-off competition.

“Steve, like any great, evil historical mastermind, realizes that religion is really lame, and that tyrants themselves must become like monarchic deities to preferably replace theocratic dimensions of conservative politics,” said a family friend who first met Mr. Bannon in his “really awkward” puberty years. “That’s why throughout the election Steve directed Breitbart to really play up the ‘Trump god-emperor’ memes for white supremacist groups on social media. It’s classic Steve. Growing up, Steve’s bedroom walls were plastered with movie posters featuring the likenesses of Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars and Colonel Kurtz from Apocalypse Now. Knowing that Donald Trump’s presidency, and very likely the fascist movement Bannon has spearheaded, are on borrowed time has got to be very disappointing for Steve. Imagine if Trump hadn’t been so dumb and incompetent bureaucratically, and if Bannon had found a better presidential figure with which to inject fascism into the US government than Donald. What a let down for Steve.”

(Picture courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)

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