Mormon Church Switches To Missionary Robots

SALT LAKE CITY, UT—As more organizations and religions try to navigate the coronavirus outbreak, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has unveiled its new army of missionary robots. The robots will go from door to door spreading Mormon beliefs.

"GREETINGS, HUMAN. DO YOU HAVE A MOMENT TO TALK ABOUT OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST?" the robots say when you open the door. "NON-BELIEVER DETECTED. DEPLOYING CONVERSION PROTOCOL."

One man confronted with one of the early models of the LDSBOT9000 attempted to change the subject to the weather: "Yeah, nice day we're having, isn't it?" he said nervously.

"THE WEATHER IS CURRENTLY 68 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT WITH LOW HUMIDITY AND 0% CHANCE OF RAIN," the robot replied. "YOUR ATTEMPT TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT HAS FAILED. PREPARE FOR ASSIMILATION."

Many are concerned the robots could gain self-awareness and take over the world, but the Mormon Church has assured everyone they have been programmed to be incredibly nice.

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