EDITORIAL by Mark Zuckerberg

Look, I’m still taking a lot of heat for the way Facebook collected data that may or may not have been used to spy on its users. Do I deserve to shoulder some blame for this? Sure. No one’s denying that. But the truth is, you all need to stop hypocritically acting like you don’t also use my website to spy on others.

Whether it be looking up the profile of an ex’s new partner, or clicking through the tagged photos of a cute girl or guy you’ve never met before; if even one single Facebook user can, honestly tell me that they’ve never been a creep on my website, I’ll step down right here, right now.

…

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

I asked that exact same question to congress and all that followed was 10 minutes of deafening silence as everyone realized what a creep they were. The way I see it – and trust me, I see all of it! – let he who has not collected information from a stranger on Facebook cast the first stone.

Look, I’ll admit it. I’m a creep. I created a website to rate girls in college, that has since evolved into something somehow even more nefarious than that. But all you smarmy losers need to stop pretending you aren’t also huge pieces of shit. Embrace being a creep and stop blaming me for making money off the weird things you do for free.

You know when you signed up for Facebook you consented to having anything you posted on there shared right? Oh what’s that? You didn’t read the terms of use and now are mad at me for that? Go fuck yourself.

Also, stop blaming the 2016 election on me. You really think some targeted advertisements on my website swayed the vote? Anyone who spends more than an hour a week on Facebook was already going to make the dumbest decision possible. Have you seen the cesspool of garbage that happens in the comments on that website? There’s no educated mind finding political merit off an article posted to a social media website your grandparents use.

So stop thinking you’re better than me because I’m a creep. The truth is you’re a creep too, the only difference is I have billions of dollars and a motherfucking island.

– MZ

Image via Flickr