CRESTON, IA—Saying that he detected the "telltale signs" the first time he lay down in it, local infant Joshua Singer told reporters Friday that he can already tell his defective crib is going to be recalled. "Man, this one's a real piece of work; I can actually feel it moving from side to side while I’m in it," the 6-month-old said, pointing to several hazardous design flaws in his wooden cradle that he speculated would lead to its mass recall in the near future. "These railings are splintering on the edges and they're way too far apart—I can get out of this thing no problem. And I don't like that weird metallic smell one bit. That has to be toxic, right? Really, it's only a matter of time before we’re watching a news story about this make and model on CNN." At press time, Singer was idly gnawing on the thin strands of polyester filling protruding from his crib's mattress.

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