By Glen Poole, Director of Helping Men and UK Coordinator of International Men’s Day

If you want to have a meaningful conversation about gender then the first thing to remember is the old adage “he who pays the piper calls the tune”.

The saying reveals our sexist assumption that it is always a “he” who has the power and the money to pay the piper. In reality, this is rarely the case in the highly politicized world of discussions about gender.

And so it was at this weekend’s Being A Man festival at the Southbank Centre (a venue which receives £17m a year of public funding). As the festival is the brainchild of a feminist woman, it was perhaps not surprising that the overall narrative of the weekend was “being a man is a problem so what are you going to do about it?”

In the space of just three hours on Saturday morning, I was spoken at relentlessly and told:

That men should be feminists, but not offered a view about why men shouldn’t be feminists

That female circumcision (generally performed by women) is a men’s problem, but offered no discussion about why forced male circumcision is a men’s issue

That male violence against women is a problem, but offered no perspectives about the problem of violence against men and boys by male and female perpetrators

That porn is bad for you, but offered no perspectives on how men can explore, express, enjoy and celebrate their sexuality

That women experience gender inequality but offered no perspectives of the many gender inequalities that men experience

Having organized more conferences, meetings and gatherings about men and boys than I care to remember I have nothing but respect for anyone who takes on making such events happen.

Jude Kelly, the artistic director of the Southbank Centre, deserves huge credit for the hard work and vision that goes into making an event like Being A Man happen (which in fairness contained far more content than the three hours I’ve just critiqued).

But at the end of three consecutive one-hour sessions I felt suffocated and oppressed. I love challenging my thinking and find that being pulled in many different directions expands my sense of self. Being pushed relentlessly in one familiar direction is depressingly dull. So I went outside for air and didn’t return.