Another week, another misogynistic comment by a high-profile man. During an interview with a national newspaper, Lord (John) Prescott raised a decade-old accusation that he had assaulted Linda McDougall by pushing her against a wall, saying that she was “built like a bloody barn door” and that the “fucking house would have fallen down” if he had done so. There you have it. Had McDougall been considered attractive by Prescott, perhaps he might have proudly owned up to such atrocious behaviour? Not on your life – men use all kinds of justifications for sexual assault on women, ranging from “she asked for it” to “I was doing her a favour” (the implication being that no other man would want her).

Who is a rapist? | Megan Carpentier Read more

Prescott, who vehemently denies the allegation, is far from the only public figure who has dared to make such remarks. Earlier this year a senior Liberal Democrat council member, Philip Drury, resigned after posting on Facebook remarks insinuating that a 21-year-old female student was too ugly to be raped. Drury’s outburst followed the woman’s claims that she had been sexually assaulted in Italy, but police there believe she made the attack up. Drury wrote: “Not sure anyone would even want to think about it looking at her lol.”

Last December, according to a report of an interview with a newspaper called Zero Hora, a Brazilian congressman, Jair Bolsonaro, said of a political opponent, Maria do Rosário Nunes, that he would not rape her “because she is not worth it, because she’s ugly, she’s not my type. I would never rape her.”

The remarks followed an accusation by Bolsonaro that Do Rosário had previously called him a rapist, which she denies, and after her speech in which she condemned human rights violations committed during the US-backed military dictatorship.

Reacting to the Dominique Strauss-Kahn case, internet users questioned whether he would have raped his accuser because of how “ugly” she is and the French media rated her attractiveness. Of all the myths about rape, one of the most damaging is that men do it because they are overcome with lust for a super-model type of woman whom they cannot resist.

I have become used to being told that I am 'unfuckable' and therefore, unrapeable. I have, however, been raped

But rape happens to babies, elderly women and everyone in between. And yet we routinely conflate rape and sexual assault with conventional attractiveness – and perpetuate the notion that “ugly” women don’t get raped, and that attractive men don’t need to commit rape.

I recall an incident a few years ago. I had just been on TV talking about the disgraceful number of convictions for rape in Britain. On my way home I stopped off at the bank and was immediately asked, quite confrontationally, if I was “that women just on the telly about rape”. I confirmed I was, while handing my cheque to the cashier. “You should shut your mouth,” the man continued. “What’s it got to do with you? You’re too ugly to rape.” The cashier looked shocked, saw how upset I was, and reassured me by saying: “Don’t listen to him – of course you are not!”

More recently I was in a pub with a female friend one evening, engaged in conversation, when we noticed a man hovering next to us. “What are two beautiful ladies doing on your own?” he leered, preparing to pull up a chair. When we helpfully pointed out we were actually together, ergo not alone, we quickly became “slags” followed by “lesbians”. As we left the pub we heard the charmer shout: “Fucking ugly dykes, they wouldn’t even get raped.”

It is not only vile sexists who hold such views. Some women buy into this too, which is unsurprising bearing in mind the amount of rape-denial propaganda with which we are inundated. When Andrea Dworkin wrote movingly about being raped in Paris a number of prominent feminists, who certainly should have known better, said in private to me that it probably had not happened because Andrea was not the type of women men would find attractive. This is nothing short of internalised woman-hating.

When I, along with many other second-wave feminists, proudly rejected beauty products and other feminine frippery such as high heels, we were judged and vilified by men who took great offence at us not dressing to their requirements. Over the years I have become used to being told by a certain type of man, on a regular basis, that I am “unfuckable” and therefore, unrapeable. I have, however, been raped and sexually assaulted, presumably by men with their eyes closed.

Being told we are too ugly to rape is such a common experience amongst my feminist peers, that the crime writer Val McDermid and I once spent a hilarious evening mocking up a feminist rock band named “2 Ugly 2 Rape”.

And it is not only feminists who come in for such bile. Disabled women and girls are incredibly vulnerable to rape and sexual assault and yet are told they are undesirable and asexual.

Rape is a sadistic act of punishment. We are raped by men who hate us, not by those who desire us so much they have no self- control. They do it to control us and then they tell us we are mad for imagining it happened because we are not good enough for them to violate, abuse and colonise. The truth about rape and sexual assault is ugly.