As summer vacation began to approach its final days, I found my schedule fairly fulfilling. With the addition of Hanako to me and Rin’s daily routine, the atmosphere was much livelier overall. While I’m not sure if she trusted us completely, she didn’t shy away as much as she used to.

It probably helped that Rin wasn’t the overbearing sort, and that we respected her privacy and only hung out at her request, which was starting to become a daily occurrence.

Nowadays, the three of us decided to forgo the cafeteria in favor of the rooftop as the place to eat our lunches. Mostly it was just me and Hanako, as Rin still had to go through her grueling remedial classes. But our lunches were often very nice, even if Hanako would sometimes be silent through most of it.

Rin still painted when she wasn’t dead tired from classes, and would always invite me along whenever she did. If felt like she was getting back into the flow of things. She didn’t complain about her art anymore, seemingly content with the results she’s founded for herself.

As for me, I was simply content with watching over her, as I was doing now in the mild afternoon weather. The fact that I’m coming to the girl’s dorm more and more would probably fuel all sorts juicy rumors once all the students return from vacation, but that was a problem for another time.

“Done.” I heard Rin say as I put my train of thoughts aside, sitting up from her bed to look at her. She gave me a slight smile as she looked at me.

Looking at the painting, I could see Rin’s usual abstractness all over it. Eyes were dotted all around the edges of the canvas, surrounding a maw that contained a spiral of silvery grays and pitch black. It was imaginative, slightly terrifying, and oddly enthralling too; the typical hallmarks of her work.

“Mm, may I ask about it?” I asked, looking her in the eye. She gives me a slight nod. It was always important to ask permission when I talk about her paintings, otherwise she might say she wanted to kick me. So far she hasn’t backed up those threats, but I get the feeling that a knee to the gut from her would be painful in many ways.

“What is this?”

“A clock.” Rin responded with a flat stare, her smile fading. “Well, not a clock. But when I thought of a clock, I thought about painting this. I had the picture in my head, except that I didn’t since my head can’t project pictures out of my skull.”

I nodded and looked back at the piece. With her explanation, I can vaguely make out the impression of the clock, or at least I thought so. The eyes were placed where the numbers should be, and the spiral was most likely the rotating handles. It was weird imagining it, but time with Rin has loosened my sense rigid perception of the world ever so slightly.

“Why did you want to paint a clock?”

“I thought of a clock. It’s tells the time, every second of it and even when we don’t want to. Like a mother who keeps asking me what time it is, but she immediately answers her own question. I wanted to paint something like that.”

“So you don’t want to be told the time.”

She nodded slightly, though her look implied that I’m not fully grasping what she’s saying. I thought harder about it, and I can only draw one conclusion.

“Rin, are you scared about the future?”

She gave me a quizzical look. “I don’t know. Am I scared of the future, Hisao?”

“I’m not sure.” I responded. “That’s the immediate impression I got from the painting. I guess I’m wrong again, huh?”

“Not wrong.” Rin said, and closed her eyes. After a while, she finally continued. “I’m not scared of tomorrow, or tomorrow after tomorrow, or tomorrow after tomorrow after tomorrow. But then I reach a tomorrow that I am scared of, like a line of apples that has a rotten one placed somewhere.”

“So you’re not scared about the immediate future, but you are scared of the distant future.” I guessed again, piecing together her words. “Does it have to do with exams, or your art?”

“It’s like I’m going across the street to buy something, but I don’t know if what I’ll buy is what I wanted to buy in the first place, and when I get back I might not even like the thing that I bought.”

“So you’re afraid that you might be forced to become something in the future,” I said, putting my honest thoughts out. “but it might not be something that you want to be and you’re afraid that you can’t change back.”

Her eyes suddenly open. She gave me a long hard stare, her eyes completely wide. This is the closest she’s ever looked at being surprised.

“Did I say something wrong?” I asked, nervous at what I might have done.

“No, you said something right. You almost never say something right, so maybe what you said is wrong. But a right kind of wrong.” Rin slowly started to smile, a genuinely wide and joyous smile. “You said what I was thinking, Hisao. Not a piece of it, but most of it. You can understand me.”

The revelation should honestly have hit me a bit harder, but I couldn’t help but focus at her smile. She looked happy, genuinely happy. As if someone suddenly told her she won the lottery.

This was probably the first time I interpreted her thoughts completely accurately, or as close to complete accuracy as I could, and I didn’t even know how I did. It wasn’t as if I was deliberately trying to decipher the meaning behind her words; I simply guessed at what she was feeling.

And yet, according to Rin, my guess was right on the mark. What I’ve been trying to do for the better part of a few months just happened naturally, almost by accident.

“Rin, I…”

She suddenly threw herself at me, her head pressed against my chest. I could feel my heart skipping a beat.

“You can understand me...” Rin whispered out again as she looked up at me. The corner of her eyes were slightly wet, and her face spoke volumes about how she felt. I returned her smile with one of my own, wrapping my arms around her waist and embracing her.

“I guess I can.” I said, unsure of how to respond. “But I might have just gotten lucky, you know.”

Good work, Nakai. She gives this heartwarming smile, and that’s all you could say to her. Rin didn’t seem to mind as she continued to look happy, planting a kiss on my lips. This day has certainly turned for the better, and I could feel myself grinning ear to ear as our lips parted. I felt on top of the world.

“How can you understand me, Hisao? Did you read my mind?” Rin asked, a child-like wonder and curiosity to her question.

“I don’t know.” I admitted. “I’ve spent a lot of time with you since I’ve been to Yamaku. Maybe that’s why I can understand you sometimes. Or maybe we’re both putting in the effort to understand each other.”

Again, I am in awe at my attempts at sounding romantic, if they can even be called that.

“Mm, that sounds nice. Like cotton candy.” Rin said as she closed her eyes once more. Her expression returned to how she usually smiled, a barely noticeable smirk on her lips. “I think I’m trying to make you understand me. Not like how a robber forces a guy to give his money with a gun. More like…”

“A teacher trying to a student Math?”

“Something like that.” She stayed silent for a bit before continuing. “I feel like I’m not making you understand me in a big way, but in a small way. That’s why I close my eyes whenever we talk about my art, because I’m trying to put my words together so you can understand. It’s hard, and I don’t think it works a lot, but I want to do it.”

I feel genuinely touched that she’s trying to make herself better understood for me. For someone like her, that probably took a lot of effort on her part, and for her to do that for my sake was probably the sweetest gesture I could think of.

“Rin. I’m happy that I’m able to understand you, if only a little. I know I can’t all the time, but I’ll try regardless. I think we can slowly improve on that, bit by bit. As long as we try.”

I planted a kiss on her forehead, which she seemed to appreciate. We weren’t the most affectionate couple in the world, but we have our moments.

“You said you were scared that you might have to change? Is it because of college?”

Her smile fully faded now, her face contemplative. “Mm, I think I have to go to art college. But if I do, I’ll need to be different, right? I need to force myself to be different, otherwise they won’t let me in.”

“I guess so…” I didn’t have the heart to lie to her about this, and it’s something she needed to think about anyways. “You’ll probably be asked to do pieces that you might not usually do. Different styles and all that.”

“I’ll need to paint something that isn’t me,” Rin acknowledged. “and I’ll need to paint even when I don’t feel like painting.”

“We all have to adjust to college.” I brought up. “When I get to college, I can’t be as lax as I used to be. Even if the subject is something I like, I’ll have to dedicate a lot of time to it, even if I want to do other things. It’s just how those things are.”

I realized it’s not fair comparing my fears on college with hers. Passionate as I am about Science, it isn’t as attached to my identity as painting is to Rin. But it’s also true that I’ll have to be different than I am if I want to go through college without any major problems.

“That’s still a ways away, you know. College will come eventually, but it isn’t here now. No sense in rushing it.”

She pulled back from me and nodded. “I don’t want to think about that anymore, Hisao. Give me something else to think about.”

“Anything you have in mind?” I asked.

“Tell me about you, Hisao. Not the you now, but the you before.” Rin said as she leaned back against the wardrobe. “I feel like I want to know more about you for some reason. Isn’t that what boyfriends and girlfriends do? Know each other then spoil each other for marriage? Except we probably did that in the wrong order.”

“So you’re confirming we’re boyfriend and girlfriend?” I asked.

Rin’s answer was a simple shrug and a flat stare, so I decided not to press the issue. I guess it would have been nice for a confirmation, but it would be pretty silly to think of us as anything but lovers, even if we don't actually say that we are.

“I’m going to be honest, my past wasn’t all that interesting before I discovered my condition. I was just a boy who hung out with other boys in school, and one girl. I played soccer as a hobby, my grades were passable but nothing to brag about, and I often go out to the city at night.”

As I spoke, I felt extremely satisfied about opening up to her. My past wasn’t something that I mean to bottle up, but I never really had the opportunity to really talk about it until now. Rin seemed to be paying close attention as I continued.

“Your past is interesting, Hisao.” Rin noted as she tilted her head up slightly. “You played soccer, and that’s interesting. I never played soccer before. You go out late at night, and I’ve never done that before when I was a kid, except when I couldn’t sleep and stayed awake until I cried. What’s that like?”

“It was relaxing. My parents were barely home during my childhood, so I didn’t have to worry about them being mad at me. And I liked the freedom of being out all on my own, so it didn’t really matter what I was seeing back then, just that I was out.”

Rin closed her eyes and just nodded, and I realized that I really didn’t know much about her past. We didn’t really talk about it at all during our time together. It suddenly felt odd that I didn’t know much about her past, or even her parents.

Maybe Rin was right, and we are doing this whole “relationship” thing in the wrong order.

“What about you?” I asked. “What was your childhood like?”

“Mmm, my childhood was like...” Rin said with a slight smile on her face. “It was fun, like being at a carnival. My mom and dad would often hug me a lot, and they bought me all sorts of brushes. It always makes me happy when they buy me a new paint set. I was...what’s the word you use when you’re really really happy but it’s not because you’re seriously happy?”

“Childish?”

“No, and yes. I was childish, and I was also very different. I think my mom and dad knew that, though they didn’t know at first.”

“Your parents seem very important to you.” I noted, smiling a little at her recollection.

“Mom and dad are important,” Rin agreed. “they’re not artists, but when I started to paint they had an entire room for me just so I could paint. One time I got lost in the mall and my mom immediately hugged me tightly when she found me, like a really tight bear hug. Except she wasn’t really a bear.”

Rin must have had a really loving childhood, and very doting parents. I felt oddly jealous of that fact, though I know I had no right to be.

“My parents were always very busy,” I admitted. “they work at a PR department, so they have very long shifts and barely any vacation time. Their style of parenting was very...hands-off. Unless it’s about my grades, they barely get mad at me about anything, mostly because they were never there.”

“You sound sad saying that, Hisao.” Rin said, her face showing concern.

“A little, perhaps. I understand why they can’t be there all the time, but sometimes I wish that they could be there more. I’ve seen more than my fair share of missed birthdays. They make it up to me eventually of course, but it still stings a little.” I stopped and let out a sigh. “Saying that out loud makes me feel like I’m a selfish brat.”

“Maybe you are,” Rin replied bluntly, though with no maliciousness to her voice. “I didn’t get to see my parents a lot when I came here. Now I only get to see them during the holidays now, even though they send me letters on how they’re doing. I think it’s because they want me to be by myself.”

My mind raced back to that call with Mom I had a few weeks prior. I haven’t called her since, which only further increases my guilt. I made a promise to myself; call her tonight to check on how she’s doing. I owe her and dad that much.

“So I assume you’re going back to your parents for winter break?” I asked. It would be sad for me to be apart from her during winter, but it would also be selfish of me to deprive her from seeing her family.

Rin said nothing at my question, and opened her eyes. She looked away from my face for a brief moment and continued her silence.

An awkward feeling entered the atmosphere. Rin seemed to want to keep quiet. I didn’t know what was going on between her and her parents, but I felt like I shouldn’t pry into such a personal matter.

Deciding to break the silence, I asked. “Is there anything else you want to know about me?”

“Mmm, your condition. Arrhythmia, I think?” Rin said, her tone light. “You told me you have that. It doesn’t seem to be part of your pants.”

I immediately froze, feeling as if my veins have frozen. The sheer feeling of fear that took hold of me in that moment was too sudden and too intense to really describe. But it was only for an instant as it passed by, replaced by admission that this question was a long time coming.

How will she react to it? How will I?

“It’s...something to do with my heart.” I admitted, looking at her eyes and reminding myself that she deserves to know this more than anyone. “It beats irregularly, and any strain on it will probably trigger a heart attack.”

Rin seems to realize the gravity of what I said, as her eyes opened up ever so slightly. “Will you die?” She asked, and I could swear I heard fear in her voice.

“If I don’t get treated immediately, most likely.” I said, digging deep within myself to continue, even as it tears me apart to admit my mortality to someone who I wish to spend my life with, no matter how short it may be. “The doctors say that if I take care of myself well I can live a long life, but there’s always a chance something unexpected happens that’ll trigger a heart attack. Something as simple as tripping and falling down could easily do the trick.”

An immediate silence followed, and I could feel the atmosphere between us growing thicker. Rin eyed me as if I were a stranger, unfamiliar to her.

“You might die.” Rin whispered out, and all I can do is to give her a nod. It was painful to see her worry about me like this.

A tear streaks down her face as she continued to stare at me, wordless. It was honestly all I could do not to cry myself, looking at her like this. It was so easy, how a simple question could ruin what happiness there was mere moments ago.

“I just thought of you dying,” Rin said as she closed her eyes, fighting back more tears. “and then I cried. I thought of never seeing you again and it made me cry even more. I never had to think about this before. I never had to cry about this before. Why did you tell me?”

I forced myself not to shed tears, and to be strong for the both of us. “I honestly didn’t want you to know. You were the only person I found it hard to tell. But I had to let you know eventually, beca-”

“Please be quiet, Hisao.” Rin cut me off before I could finish. “I don’t want to hear you, I don’t want to see you. Not now. Not when my head is like this. I need you to go away.”

I felt my heart sinking as she turns away from me, tears still flowing down her face. I didn’t have the will to face her any longer, not after what was said. Feeling myself at the verge of tears, I slowly left the room. We both needed time to think, and it was probably for the best that we do it separately, as much as I may dislike it.

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I didn’t feel like doing anything after that, so I simply headed back to my room and slammed the door. I glanced over at my medication and immediately felt a pang of anger, and the fact that I have to look at them everyday.

Sighing, I simply laid on my bed and hoped that sleep would claim me. It did not, whether through the side-effects of my medications or my troubled feelings. I tossed and turned on the bed, but can’t find myself any calmer.

I heard the sound of knocking on my door, and without thinking I rushed to open it. Outside was the familiar face of Kenji, and for once I’m actually glad he’s here. If it distracts me from my thoughts, I’ll take any sort of favor he gives me.

“What do you want?” I asked, not even trying to hide my frustration.

Kenji seemed to notice, as he actually took a slight step back at my words. “Hey man, you alright or something? You seem pretty cheesed. Did the feminists got to you?”

“Yeah, let’s just go with that. I escaped though.” I said, buying into whatever bullshit theory he’s willing to rope me into. Anything to keep my mind off things for a while. “Do you need anything?”

“Do I need anything? Man, I’m not here to take your charity.” Kenji responded incredulously as he reached into his jacket. “I just came here to say thanks for delivering that secret letter. The cause is strengthened by your great sacrifice.”

Oh right, the letter. I vaguely remembered delivering during one of my trips to the Shanghai. “That letter had a name on it. A rather feminine name.” I mentioned. “Are you sure you’re sending it to a guy?”

“What?” Kenji shouted aloud, loud enough for the entire dorm to hear. “You’re not supposed to say that out loud. The feminists have ears everywhere, and you’ll compromise my inside man.”

“Inside man? So it was a girl?”

“Shut up, shut up. They have ears everywhere, they have eyes everywhere, they even have noses everywhere.” Kenji shouted again. If anyone was compromising the so called cause, it was definitely him with his shouting. “I’ll tell you all about it when the time is right. For now, take this.”

He hands me another letter, this one pink with frilly decorations. I took one look at the name and immediately recognized it.

Iwanako.

“I found this near your door. You should keep your spy messages closeby, man.” Kenji whispered as he adjusted his glasses. “Can never be too careful, even if the message is encrypted. Trust me, I know. I had my supply reconnaissance letter intercepted by them, with level 7 encryption and everything.”

My mind felt like it was in a whirlwind. First Rin, now Iwanako sent me a letter. I immediately turned to him and said. “Hey, I need to open this letter. Mind if I do that?”

Kenji, for once, actually seemed to take my request seriously. “Alright, man. If you need anything, you know where to find me. Password this week is “Histamine.””

I closed the door on him and immediately sat down in my chair, dropping the letter on the desk. My mind was still reeling, do I really needed another thing to potentially drag me down further? Feeling like I have no other choice, I picked up the letter and opened it.

The letter was written in a very feminine handwriting, the paper itself being pink. I disregarded all that to look at what she’s written.

“Dear Hisao,

I admit I was surprised that you decided to reply to my letter. I thought that you’d want to continue to keep our distance from each other, and honestly the letter that I got from you seemed to reinforce that idea. But I felt that it was too rude not to reply, especially given how hard it must have been to read my letter, knowing what I’ve said.

From what I’ve gathered, you seem to be getting your life back together. I’m happy for that, and I hope that you’re in a much brighter place now. I know living with a condition like yours can’t be easy, but I’m really glad that you seem to be in a better state than when you were in the hospital.

Truthfully though, your reply wasn’t the only reason why I chose to mail this letter, though it is still a big one. In the intervening months since you’ve went to Yamaku, I’ve become friends with Mai and Takumi, and me and Shin are currently dating. They approached me shortly after you left the hospital, and one thing led to another. As cruel as this might sound, I think we all bonded over your absence and the distance you’ve put between us.

While I truly value the friendship that’s formed between the four of us, I would feel absolutely horrible if I just kept that fact from you. If you blame me for taking your place in their lives, I will offer no defense. I can only hope you can forgive me, and let you know that they still talk fondly about you. If you ever decide to come back for the winter, we can all catch up with one another and try to truly move past those awkward days at the hospital. I think I can say for all of us that we truly wish that can happen.

However, if this were to be our last conversation, I would want to end it on a friendly note, at least on my end. I hope you’ve had a great summer.

Sincerely, Iwanako.”

I placed the letter down, letting out a sigh. The thought of my old friends was something I thought I had left behind, and now here they are, fresh in my head. It was a bit heartening to know that they’re doing fine with their lives, even if they’ve seem to have completely moved on past me.

I considered writing a letter back for a moment, then decided against it. I honestly didn’t know how to respond to that kind of thing, not that I don’t want to. Maybe it truly was for the best best to leave things in the past and move on, and not try to rekindle something that’s long since been buried.

Do I resent them for moving on? It was silly to think about, and also really stupid, but the more I thought about it the more I can’t deny that I feel...something towards my old friends and Iwanako. I just didn’t know what, and perhaps I’ll never know unless I confront them again.

Going home for the winter seems like more and more of an inevitability than a choice now, with both my parents and my old friends there, it’ll be settling a lot of things at once, as potentially disastrous as that may be.

Today has been quite a day, and I’m not sure that I want something else to happen for a long while. All I knew was that I didn’t feel like staying in my room, so I quickly went out for a walk, letting me process my thoughts.

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The air was getting slightly colder as I walked to the school courtyard, afternoon giving way to evening. I tried to stop thinking about everything and simply focus on my walking, focusing on my legs moving in rhythm. One step, then another step, then another.

I walked from the courtyard to the track. I didn’t know why I went there, as I simply went wherever my legs took me. It was deserted, save for one person who was currently running through the track and blistering speeds. I seemed to have caught her eye as she immediately stopped to wave at me.

“Hey, Hisao.” Miki said. “What’s up?”

“Nothing much, taking a walk.” I said, not even putting the effort to smile. “Needed to get things off my head.”

“You too, huh?” Miki grumbled as she approached me, her face twisting into a scowl. “Come on, sit down and let me finish my laps. We can bitch together or something. I need it and you’re here so...just be my verbal punching bag for the day.”

Feeling like there’s no better option, I take a seat in one on the bleachers as Miki continued her run. My eyes were fixated on her form, moving swiftly across the track. She’s not as fast as Emi, but she would still lap me without breaking a sweat, even assuming I don’t just die from running. At this point in time, it very well could happen.

Even vaguely thinking about my condition seemed to embitter me today. I thought I could leave that uncomfortable part of me behind, simply treat it as something to deal with by myself. But in hindsight it was probably a foolish idea. Just as my life doesn’t fully belong to me, I can’t simply assume that I’m the only one that can be hurt by my condition.

I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn’t even realize that Miki stopped running, only noticing her presence when she sat down next to me.

“So...you wanna go first? Or shall I?” Miki offered as she looked down at the track.

“Ladies first.” I replied. Honestly I don’t even want to know if I want to get this off my chest, considering how well that went this afternoon.

“Ladies first, huh? Didn’t know you’re so old fashioned.” Miki lets out a slight chuckle before sighing. “You how I said my family was doing fine without me?”

I let out a soft “No.”, only having a vague recollection of her mentioning family.

“Don’t blame you, but I was lying my ass off back then. Long and short of it is that my parents are getting a divorce.” Miki’s face looked vaguely distant as she said that, growling slightly. “Mom says one thing, dad says another thing. Wanting me to take a side, all that crap.”

“Oh…that’s…” I couldn’t muster anything else to say to that.

“Sucks? Yeah, it does. Hard. And now my parents are fighting over custody over my siblings.” She lets out an angry groan and stands up, kicking the air in frustration. “Just thinking about it gets my blood boiling. And the worst part is that I don’t have anyone to blame for it, cause as far as I know one day my entire family went to shit. It just happened, and I have to go home eventually because apparently the law needs my opinion on who should get custody rights.”

She got louder and louder as she went on, and I suddenly feel extremely bad for her. Whatever I’m going through right now seemed so miniscule compared to that. As distant as I am with them sometimes, the thought of my parents divorcing is something I didn’t even want to consider, let alone have to experience.

“Anyways, that’s my side of the story. Been running here every day to keep the edge off, as if I could run away from it at all.” Miki let out a depressing whimper before turning to me. “Alright, I kept up my end. Your turn, and no cop outs.”

I take a deep breath, mustering the will to talk. “It has to do with Rin.” I said meekly.

“Oh? Girlfriend problems, huh?” She said, raising an eyebrow. “Is it something serious or did you two just have a little lover’s spat?”

“Well, I told her something that I needed to say and she didn’t take it all that well.” I placed a hand on my head, my mind just wanting suppress the memory. “I...uh...have a heart condition and well, let’s just say that my life expectancy is not what I wish it could be.”

“Damn. That’s some pretty serious shit.” Miki sat down beside once again, eyeing me with some sympathy. “Well, at least you were man enough to tell her straight up. Hiding that kind of thing isn’t exactly gonna win you any points with the ladies. Take it from someone who knows.”

“Not exactly what I wanted to hear.”

“I know, I just don’t know what else to tell you.” She let out an annoyed huff. “I’m not the kinda gal you turn to when you need serious advice, I’m the type of gal you turn to if you need someone to hang out with and talk about stuff that doesn’t matter.”

“Well, sorry for not coming to you for your intended use.” I responded sarcastically.

“Fuck you, dude.” Miki jabbed back, sticking out her tongue. “No wonder you can only score with Tezuka. You two just drive everyone off with your lack of charm.”

The two of us glared daggers at each other before exchanging a playful laugh. It felt nice to get something like this off my chest, as painful as it initially was. Even if Miki doesn’t have a serious answer, it was good to know someone else knows what I’m currently going through, insignificant as it is on a worldly scale.

“If you want my advice? Like real advice?” Miki said, looking serious now. “It was going to happen anyways, so you just gotta deal with it. I wish my parents aren’t divorcing, but that sure as hell ain’t happening. So whatever happens, you just have to accept it.”

“Even if she doesn’t want to be with me after what I’ve told her?” I asked, the possibility leaving me numb. After all we’ve been through, for my condition to pry us completely apart would be something I wouldn’t know how to deal with at all.

“Well, sounds like that’s the problem. She wants to be with you, but you just told her you might not be around as long as she likes.” She leaned her head upwards and closed her eyes, basking in the slight breeze that was blowing through. “But yeah, you can’t force things. It’s up to her just as much as it’s up to you.”

“I know...” I muttered out, knowing that that’s true.

“Well, that was a nice round of misery.” Miki said as she stood up. “But I’ve had enough moping for one day. See you around?”

“Yeah. If you ever want to do this again, feel free. I think we have enough misery to go around.” I offered that partly as a joke, but also to see if she would genuinely accept it.

“I’ll think about it.” Miki walked down the bleachers before turning back, giving me a smile. “I hope you get your shit sorted out with Tezuka, Hisao. I mean it.”

“I hope you get yours sorted out too.” I returned the smile with one of my own, though it was a little forced. She continued to walk away, leaving me alone once more.

I didn’t know how long I sat on the bleachers, but I did know that by the time I left the sun was starting to set. On the way back to the dorm, I picked my phone out of my pocket and dial in my mother’s number. I had so many problems on my mind, might as well get one of them out of the way right then and there.

“Good evening, Hicchan.” My mom’s voice was as exuberant as ever. “I’m so glad you decided to call me. How is everything?”

“Everything is going fine.” I lied, not wanting to bring up my troubles. Chances are she won’t understand it, yet pester me about it till midnight. “How’s work? I’m not interrupting anything important, am I?”

“Oh, no dear. I’m in the middle of my dinner break.” Mom lets out a rather hearty laugh before continuing. “Anyways, why did you call me? Do you need anything?”

“No, I just feel like calling. I wanted to see how you and dad are doing.” I ask.

“Oh, we’re doing fine.” Mom said with confidence. “Your father dad finally got that promotion I talked about a few weeks ago, more pay with less working hours. He’s been the happiest I’ve seen all year, and he even gave me a new dress as a celebration gift!”

“That’s amazing. Tell dad I’m glad he got it.” Listening to her news comforted me a little bit, especially after my talk with Miki. Whatever else happens, the fact remains that my parents are still my parents, and they love both me and each other regardless of how little time we spend with each other. It just took me hearing about a worse off situation to make me actually appreciate that fact.

“Oh, he’ll be so happy to hear that from you, Hicchan.” Mom lets out a giggle. “Anyways, still coming home for the winter?”

“Yeah, definitely.” I responded, feeling absolutely sure about that fact. “Only a few months away, and then all three of us can be together.”

“I look forward to it more and more each day.” I could hear Mom sniffling a little. “I miss you, Hicchan. I miss you so much that I just want to drive to Yamaku to see you again.”

She was probably exaggerating just a little, but it was a sweet sentiment. I felt bad that I didn’t seem to miss her as much as she misses me, but the feeling was still there.

“Yeah, I miss you too.” I said, noticing that I’ve arrived at my dorm entrance. “We’ll spend a lot of time during the Winter, I promise. I’ll even go shopping with you and dad, if that’s what you want.”

“What?” Mom sounded genuinely shocked for a moment. “Are you sure? You always complained when I take you out shopping.”

It’s true that I found shopping with her tedious, especially when she’s buying new clothes for either of us, but I felt like I should probably do what they want to make up for my absence. Besides, as tedious as it may be, nothing will top those disastrous four months in the hospital as far as tedium is concerned.

At least, I hope not.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I need new clothes anyways, my old ones might be too small.” I replied as I entered the dorm building. “Anyways, I think that’s all I wanted to say. Sorry.”

“Oh that’s fine, Hicchan. My break is just about to end too. Stay safe, you hear? Love you.”

“Love you too.” And with that, I ended the call. I entered my room, feeling marginally better than when I had left it, though not entirely fine.

With nothing else to do for the evening, I decided to sit at my desk and force myself to study. I wasn’t feeling particularly hungry, so dinner can wait a while. I thought for a moment if Rin is going to eat dinner, but I felt like she still doesn’t want me around and I’m too afraid of what will happen if I go to her again.

Letting out a sigh, I take out a physics book and opened it, trying to forget about things for a while.

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It was the dead of night when I heard the knock on my door. The rest of the evening consisted of me studying until I was tired, only stopping to get something to eat or to take my medications. I was just about to drift off into slumber until a soft but frantic knocking shook me from falling asleep.

Letting out an annoyed groan, I got out of bed to answer the knocking. Opening the door, I found Rin waiting for me. She didn’t say anything as she immediately entered my room without warning, catching me further off guard.

“Rin, why are you here?” I asked, closing the door. Turning around to look at her, she looked no worse for wear. Her face still carried that same neutral expression, showing little emotion.

She stared at me for a moment, and simply uttered out. “I want to sleep with you tonight, Hisao.”

My eyes widened at her statement, and I feel the heat in my cheeks rise. “I don’t think we should...after what happened…”

“Not sex.” Rin said, her face still expressionless. “I want to sleep in your bed with you. But I don’t want to have sex with you, unless you want to. Then maybe I want to have sex with you.”

My tired mind felt very lethargic, so I simply nodded at her, unable to find the will to object further. Rin walked over to the bed and laid down on it, staring at me in anticipation. I silently walked over to the bed and laid beside her, to which she promptly turned around and pressed her back onto my chest. I wrap my arms around her and held her, which she doesn’t seem to mind.

I felt like I should say something to her. About my condition, about how she feels, about everything. “Rin…about this afternoon…”

“Don’t.” I heard her whisper out, a creak in her voice. “Don’t say anything. Help me forget about today, Hisao. I don’t want to think about it, so help me bury it. Like someone putting something they don’t like in a chest and locking it, even though they should really throw it away.”

“Rin…” I tried to find the words to speak, but her request rendered me too afraid to speak.

“Just forget about today.” Rin whispered again, and I’m not sure if it’s directed and myself or her. “When tomorrow comes, today will become yesterday. Then we don’t have to think about it anymore. We can do that, right?.”

I couldn’t find the will to refute her, so I simply laid there, holding her tightly as we both tried to sleep. After a while, Rin began to breathe out softly as she drifted off into sleep. As for myself, my feelings were too much of a mess for me to sleep, at least not until exhaustion does the job for me.

Rin wanted to forget everything about my condition, a desire I admittedly can understand very well. But for our relationship to completely disregard that would be irresponsible, especially going forward. I didn’t know what to do, or even what I’m going to do. Is it completely fine to leave that issue buried and unresolved? I know the answer to that, but….

Feeling slightly faint, I closed my eyes and nestled my head again Rin’s. summer vacation was about to end, and along with it our period of relaxation. I didn’t know what the future held in store for us, and I worried that it might end disastrously for the both of us.