Anonymous asked: I read an article about the sexism in the bdsm, so I was thinking whether or not submissive men are feminized? Does it matter if their dominants are men or women?

The whole consept of BDSM is rooted in patriarchal values and gender roles, where feminity is associated with submissiveness and masculinity with dominance, no matter, who is performing it. Most doms are male and most subs are female, but even in the rare moments, where it is the opposite, BDSM is still based on misogyny.

There are actually dominatrixes who spoke about their experiences and the conclusion is that indeed sub men are feminized, but still have the advantage of the social power as men. To quote from this feminist paper : “ The prostitute who performs as a female sadist, a dominatrix, does not reverse the dynamic of dominance and submission. It may be true that she has “complete power” (Sex Work, p. 51) over the male masochist’s body for those moments that she is paid to do what she is told to do by him; but I think that is a matter of this man wanting to violate the social taboo (9) against men giving up male power. It is also true that the power of male supremacy is so great that a man can feel very safe even while he chooses to toy with “submission” momentarily. Let me suggest to you that if the dominatrix used that “power” that she has during this singular moment in history—in the way that men use their power over women—she’d be either in jail or dead. It is phony power. “



Former dommes reported experiencing internalized misogyny and mimicking male attitudes, their versions of sexuality and internalizing the male gaze. Even under the mask of dominatrix (=powerful), this women do not experiment power at all, like in this testimony:



“As a pro domme, I was in no way acting as a “strong, empowered, women in ownership of her own sexuality”; it was the furthest thing from it. I mainly abused men, for pay, and it made me feel truly masculine, powerful, and strong, even though it put me in a vulnerable situation legally and physically (safety). There is a term in kink lingo that (poorly) illustrates how dommes can be the unwitting servants: “topping from the bottom”. The male always wielded the power, that it was ever handed over was only an illusion for his sexual gratification. The reality was that I was intensely servile, under a mask of dominance that even I thought was real. The fact is, the act of kink (or sex, stripping, etc) for pay put me in a truly submissive position, having to cater to male needs, and desires, in order to survive financially. “ (Read more)



There was another testimony going around recently from a former domme, who also noticed that even as a “domme”, she’s still in a submissive position:

“As a female dominant, many of the acts that I was made to perform on men were acts of verbal degradation, humiliation, and emotional abuse. This included such things as verbal humiliation with words like bitch, slut, whore, and pussy. The desire to be dressed as a woman, to wear “girly” things, and then be made fun of. And I’ve even been told “just treat me like a girl”.In fact, I never once encountered a situation where these kinds of things were not desired and asked of me. Now, I’d think it would be plainly obvious to see the root of these desires, but if not let me just spell it out for you; the reason these men wanted to to be treated this way was because of their misogyny. Because the most humiliating thing they could imagine was being treated like a woman. Misogyny and sex based oppression is at the root of all BDSM. The power disparities come from the idea that woman belongs on the bottom of the dynamic. If this were not the case, female specific slurs would not even be a factor, wearing underwear associated with being a woman wouldn’t be a humiliating act, and asking to be “treated like a girl” wouldn’t require abuse. “ (read more here)

Consequently, the very real social imbalances betwenn males and females do not disappear, even if the woman is for a moment in a role “of power”. BDSM is about misogyny and the very few female dommes will not change that.

