[tw: possibly abuse, ED]



I finally went to visit my grandmother the other week. Usually I put it off as long as I can because all it amounts to is an hour or so of being told how fat I am. However this time was particularly special - I was informed my aunt has had a heart operation to put in a valve and monitor. In my grandma’s words, “because she carries far too much weight”. Well it is no secret that my aunt is probably the ‘biggest’ in the family, but it is also known by everyone - especially, you’d think, her mother - that she was born with a congenital heart defect and a heart murmur. On top of this, she has recently lost two jobs and had to take a new one who worked her around the clock in a high-stress environment. But of COURSE the reason her pre-existing condition needs treatment is her weight.

What’s worse is this aunt is probably the nicest person in my whole family, but all she gets is shit from my grandma because she is “too fat” - in fact she has been dieting and gymming for years now (still looks the same, she’s just a bit more cranky!), all just because of my grandma’s bullying.

Although perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised - this is the woman who put my mum on a liquid-only diet. When she was 11. And called her “Little Fat [name]” for the entirety of her childhood. Even these days - the last time my mum spent the day with her she came back complaining that she hadn’t been allowed to eat for the entire day. (Not that it in any way matters, but I think the biggest my mum has ever been is a UK size 14. Just to give you an idea of at what point my grandmother considers it acceptable to start policing your diet.)

I won’t even go into how disordered my own attitude towards food and weight is because of her and what she passed on to my mum.

The upshot of all this is I now have a mum who broke down into tears in the fitting rooms once because she didn’t fit into a size 14 (in H&M of all places! We all know how accurate their sizes are…) and who, when I showed her a TITP submission saying how a girl got denied access to the pill because she might gain weight, responded with “well that is a danger though”. And I had to explain, no, you do not lose your reproductive rights because there is a *chance* that you might end up less aesthetically pleasing to your doctor.

Sorry for the long ranty post. It was really the comment about my aunt’s weight causing her congenital disorder that made me snap. I mean. Seriously?