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(AP Photo/Seth Perlman)

Nanny in a can: Beware, anyone in Multnomah County who likes to enjoy a sweetened drink now and again. The Cupboard Cops are on the prowl. Erstwhile county commission candidate Mel Rader of Upstream Public Health recently filed a proposed initiative that would impose a penny-per-ounce tax on sweetened beverages, Willamette Week's Beth Slovic reported. It could go before voters in November.

The money generated by the tax would support educational and nutrition programs for children. The measure isn't intended only to raise cash, though. It's also designed to reduce consumption of beverages that, at least when used in excess, can be bad for you. These include not only carbonated soft drinks, but also sweetened sports drinks, iced teas, coffee drinks and so on.

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Rest assured, budget-conscious junk food junkies. Should the tax pass, you'd still be able to chow down on cake, cookies, chips, ice cream, double cheeseburgers, French fries, onion rings and various other kinds of sweetened, fried and irresistibly processed diet-busters without paying Multnomah County's gastronomic shame tax. For now, anyway.

A similar effort fizzled in 2012, and this may well follow suit. If not, Multnomah County residents should start thinking seriously about hopping in the family car and doing their weekly shopping in Clackamas or Washington counties. They'd avoid the sweetened-drink tax, which if passed directly to consumers would add 72 cents to the cost of a typical six-pack. And if they filled up the car at the same time, they'd also avoid both Multnomah County's gas tax (3 cents per gallon) and Portland's (10 cents per gallon). (Washington County has a penny-per-gallon gas tax.)

As an added bonus, Portland residents shopping elsewhere also could enjoy the thrill of carrying their groceries into the house with single-use plastic bags, which have been banned locally. They're strong, light, fully functional when wet (ahem, paper bags) and can be repurposed in a number of ways, from lining wastebaskets to holding your lunch.

Yes, Multnomah County's consumption commuters might have to endure disapproval from some neighbors. But there is a perfect Portland response: We're just keeping it weird.