2008 campaign novelty act and public intellectual, Joe “The Wurzelbacher” Plumber, has written an open letter to the parents of the victims of Elliott Rodger’s male privilege 2nd Amendment Memorial Day masculinity spree, saying that he is really sorry that their children are dead, but that they need to keep this in perspective and won’t they please think about his guns?

ADVERTISEMENT

Joe makes many attempts at being sympathetic because he has a son and a daughter but, at the end of the day, when you are done making funeral arrangements for your child who will never again come home for the holidays, get married, give you grandchildren, and live a life full of joy and sorrow…. you really have to consider the fate of Joe the Plumber’s guns.

Will Joe’s guns ever plink a can again if jack-booted gun-grabbing storm troopers tear them from Joe’s hands?

Will they never again go ‘bang’ or, for the making-gun-noises-impaired, ‘pyew pyew‘ again?

That would make America sad.

Sadder than a parent who must bury a child.

So Joe sat down at his computer machine to explain to the grieving parents of kids who experienced the 2nd Amendment in the worst possible way that they need to ‘sack up’ for America.

ADVERTISEMENT

In, what can be best described as a tragic bit of blog formatting, Joe leads off with this:

While that may seem generous, I would venture to say that a “Family Gun Package Giveaway!” is not going to cheer anyone up after their only child has been gunned down in cold blood. Unless, of course, that person is Wayne LaPierre. He’d be like, “Sign me the fuck up! Woot!”

ADVERTISEMENT

Joe follows this with a….”but,” which you knew was coming.

But:

As harsh as this sounds – your dead kids don’t trump my Constitutional rights.

ADVERTISEMENT

Priorities selfish grieving parents!

Joe the Concerned Plumber directs most of his worrying at Richard Martinez, whose 20-year-old son Christopher was gunned down in a deli by Elliott Rodger forty-five minutes after getting off the phone with his now bereft father:

Richard Martinez, whose son (Christopher) was among the murdered, choked back tears at a news conference, blaming politicians the next day: “The talk about gun rights. What about Chris’ right to live?” Martinez said – and much more. There are no critical words for a grieving father. He can say whatever he wants and blame whoever he’d like – it’s okay by me. You can’t take a step in his shoes – at least I can’t.

That is very white (and privileged) of Joe to give his “okay”….but:

ADVERTISEMENT

But the words and images of Mr. Martinez blaming “the proliferation of guns”, lobbyists, politicians, etc.; will be exploited by gun-grab extremists as are all tragedies involving gun violence and the mentally ill by the anti-Second Amendment Left. As a father, husband and a man, it is my responsibility to protect my family. I will stand up for that right vehemently. Please believe me, as a father I share your grief and I will pray for you and your family, as I do whenever I hear about senseless tragedies such as this.

But:

We still have the Right to Bear Arms and I intend to continue to speak out for that right, and against those who would restrict it – even in the face of this horrible incident by this sad and insane individual. I almost said “Obama Voter” but I’m waiting for it to be official.

Then Joe goes Full Palin:

I noticed the mainstream media have stopped the practice of immediately reporting the psycho maniac is a conservative Tea Party Republican Christian. Guess they’re sick of having to hide being wrong every time when it comes out the whacko votes Democrat? Mr. Martinez and anyone calling for more restrictions on American’s rights need to back off and stop playing into the hands of the folks who merely capitalize on these horrific events for their own political ends. They don’t care about your family or your dead children at all. They sound like they do, whereas I sound uncaring and like I say, harsh. Don’t be fooled – I care about your family and mine. The future of our very liberty lies in the balance of this fight.

Joe the Plumber cares about your kids but sometimes the Tree of Liberty must be refreshed with the blood of innocents because freedom’s just another word for not having to go “pyew pyew” with a pointed finger instead of a device built to kill.