Scooter, the llama who broke out of his yard and went on the lam before police tased his ass. And to answer the question in your head, yes, this happened in FLORIDA! Doesn’t it always?

On Friday night, 7-year-old Scooter decided he had it with that life and so he busted out of his penned-in yard in Tallahassee, FL. Scooter’s owner called the police on Saturday and reported him missing. The police went searching for Scooter and eventually found him causing a scene in the middle of the road. One resident reported to authorities that a camel was on the loose and another resident told cops they saw an alpaca walking and a different resident thought it was a horny Trace Cyrus looking for a piece to hump. The residents didn’t know what Scooter was, they just knew he was up to no good.

The AP reports that when the cops tried to bring Scooter in, he spit in their faces and trampled over their asses. Bitch is harder than Justin Bieber and Reese Witherspoon combined. The cops were finally able to get a lasso around Scooter’s neck, but it still took six officers and a taser gun to completely subdue him and get him into the trailer. Scooter is a little fried, but other than that, he’s okay and is back at home. Scooter’s owner didn’t get in trouble with the cops, but he did promise to get a stronger fence.

Stronger fence? That shit isn’t going to hold Scooter down. Scooter will be back out there doing hood rat stuff hood llama stuff again. Just look at this bad Florida bitch take on the cops.

I don’t know if he’s screaming “Don’t tase me, bro!” or “I’M AN AMERICAN CITZEN!”

(For Margot)