There's a new fad sweeping the nation, and, sadly, it's not women going topless. Nope -- it's monkeytail beards. Monkeytail beards (NOT BEARS) start at one ear and then wrap around your chin and mouth to make it look like you just finished picking the ticks off a monkey's nuts with your teeth. Personally, I'm more of a sloth man. "HEEEEEY YOOOOOOU GUYS!" Not him, he still gives me nightmares. You don't actually have to stripe your beard like this Dapper Dan did to achieve a monkeytail, it just scores some extra 'girls talking to you at the bar' points if you do. Unfortunately, any girl who does talk to you will NOT being accompanying you home at the end of the night. "Why not?!" And the answer to that, my friend, lies in the mirror.

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the handsomest of them all?"

"You must be out of your f***ing mind! Just break me already."

Hit the jump for a pictorial field-guide, including one guy trying to candidly include his gramma in the picture, another doing his best Bushicmi eyes, and another taken on the can. Classy bunch.

The Monkeytail

Thanks to Joseph, who opted for a rat-tail instead. AWH YEAH -- MY MOM'S STILL GOT MINE SAVED IN AN ENVELOPE SOMEWHERE! (Not even kidding)