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We cannot Brexit. We never COULD Brexit. The people who offered it to you, sold it to you and insisted on it for you are liars, charlatans, and pocket-lining creeps.

But indissoluble logic is not enough to stop those who have long been ignored from attempting to resurrect the rotting corpses of their long-dead reputations. Welcome back, terror, hate, hypocrisy and very poor thought processes: how we haven't missed you.

A nation that decriminalised homosexuality 52 years ago is being told to vote for a woman who thinks homosexuals can be 'cured'.

A nation that came up with a brilliant solution to a vicious 30-year conflict is being told it should do the one thing guaranteed to restart it.

And a nation which established the welfare state 113 years ago is marking the anniversary by making the poorest 10% of its people poorer still.

People are divided on whether there is any such place as hell; but there is no way this road leads anywhere good.

(Image: Andrew Parsons/PA Wire)

During the Brexit referendum, we were warned that a vote to leave the European Union would give the dormant IRA and its dissident children fuel for their fires.

Four months ago the New IRA set off a car bomb in Derry. Six weeks ago it sent letter bombs to British airports, a train station and an army recruitment centre.

And six days ago it murdered journalist Lyra McKee, who had committed the atrocious crime of reporting on the riots that followed a police raid on suspected terrorist arms caches.

It's her funeral today. Theresa May and Jeremy Corbyn are attending the official goodbye to a 29-year-old woman whose too-few words always made more sense than their own.

(Image: PA)

Perhaps they will have the self-awareness to note that the Brexit they have, between them, wanted for years handed her killers their best recruitment tool in decades. The threat of border controls has sown resentment and belligerence in a handful of hearts, and the old Provos are now able to persuade young idiots to join them.

While May and Corbyn wrestle the intellectual issues like two recalcitrant ducks, two new parties have formed to fight the upcoming EU elections.

One is Change UK, which has a funny tinge of twats about it. The other is the Brexit Party, which has not so much a tinge as an absolute shower of precisely the sort of morons you thought Britain had decided to ignore.

Step forward travelling DJ Nigel Farage, whose recent lack of attention on international speaking tours has led him to throw himself before the TV cameras in an attempt to get his last job back.

(Image: PA)

If you think hating the EU would logically lead to boycotting it, think again. Farage made £87,000 a year out of the organisation while failing to take part in much of its work. No-one appears to have asked him how, exactly, he thinks being re-elected to an institution he loathes will destroy it, but perhaps he self-identifies as a virus now.

Or maybe he's trying to recoup the £35,000 he was docked for mis-spending EU funds. Money which came from the UK taxpayer, originally.

By his side is the joyless, self-publicising wannabe nun Ann Widdecombe, a woman who described reality TV as "vulgar and voyeuristic" before raking in fees for appearing on Celebrity Big Brother, Strictly Come Dancing, Celebrity Fit Club, Celebrity Antiques Road Trip, 24 Hours In The Past, Sugar-Free Farm, four pantomimes and Ann Widdecombe Investigates.

Harder to stomach than her hypocrisy is her intolerance. In 2012 she said homosexuals should be "helped to become heterosexual". It's unclear what qualifications her "properly qualified professional" would need, but presumably being openly nasty is one of them.

(Image: Channel 5 / PR Handout)

While we're distracted by this circus of self-immolation, the austerity no-one much liked and everyone was told was over is getting worse for 6.5million people.

The Institute for Fiscal Studies has found 1.9m of them will lose £1,000 a year through Universal Credit, which "hits the persistently poor the hardest".

In 1909 as part of welfare state reforms, David Lloyd George told Parliament: "This is a war Budget. It is for raising money to wage implacable warfare against poverty and squalidness."

Two years later, after much arguing, workers were allowed sick pay of 10 shillings a week for 26 weeks - about £57, in today's money.

In 2019, those aged 24 or younger get Jobseekers' Allowance of £57.90 for 26 weeks.

You may think these are three disparate things - welfare cuts, a mad ex-minister, Brexit. But they are the landmarks beside this path our nation is embarked upon, and they point to nothing good.

We may be led by donkeys, but the alternatives being presented to us are hate-filled, self-pleasuring asses. Not one of them has a plan to get us to the destination they promise.

How can Change UK achieve it, if its members won't work for a general election? How can the Brexit Party leave the institution that provides it with life? How is anybody going to take control of the one border we need to control if we are to leave the EU, and which we are forbidden under international law from exerting control over?

These people are zombies. Their dreams died years ago, but still they shuffle on, muttering and groaning monotonously. While we point at the funny people, those things that make our nation great - wisdom, welfare, sensitivity to the prevailing weather conditions - are being abandoned.

(Image: Getty Images)

You would get off a bus that had a zombie driving it. So if one of them wanders into your living room during the 6 o'clock news, decapitate it with whatever is to hand.

These Brexit zombies will die if you hit them in the head with facts. Journalist or not, interrogate what they offer, ask for better, arm yourselves with a sharp wit and incisive questions. Just because they're stupid doesn't mean you have to be.

If this stuff terrifies you - and it should - then step up and play your part. Don't assume it will all blow over and sanity will reassert itself.

That's not how madness works. Every horror film tells you that sanity is something you have to fight for.

When the UK accepts Brexit was never possible, never nice and never a good a idea, perhaps the road will become less rocky.