In the midst of a pandemic, it’s been reported that Stacey West is absolutely gloating about her purchase of a bidet just three months ago.

“I guess there was something almost prescient about my decision to buy a bidet,” says Stacey, who got the idea from an infomercial. “Now I could go months without toilet paper, and my ass will actually be cleaner that most, if you think about it.”

Stacey’s smugness is not going over well with friends.

“We all have access to water,” says Stacey’s friend, Amanda Mcbride. Sure, Stacey has a cheap toilet attachment that shoots it up her butt, but she’s being really over-the-top about it? We have bigger things to worry about.”

Stacey took every opportunity to bring up the bidet, whether people were complaining about a trip they had made to the grocery store, or their fears for the economy.

“I’ll tell you one thing I’m not worried about is the toilet paper supply chain,” says Stacey. “Doesn’t affect me one bit, since I have a bidet and all.”

“I guess you could say I’m one of the lucky ones.”

Reportedly zero people are amused or even jealous of Stacey’s stupid bidet.