“Yeah, the president did this, which is pretty wild, because this is the type of moment where you would think the president would be the voice of reason. Instead, Trump is jumping into the fray. You know, he’s basically that dad that when a fight breaks out in the Little League game, he runs into the field, but instead of breaking it up, he starts to body-slam the third graders.” — TREVOR NOAH

“Yeah, they weren’t checking in on Epstein and took him off suicide watch. Why? Look, I’m not an expert on psychology, but if someone tries to commit suicide, I don’t think two more weeks of jail would suddenly improve their outlook on life.” — TREVOR NOAH

“Seems like everybody thinks that something shady happened here. People on the right were saying it was the Clintons who killed Jeffrey. People on the left were saying Trump killed him. Jussie Smollett says it was two white Nigerian guys.” — TREVOR NOAH