Frustrated that nobody seems to care about their appeals, threats and statements, the Bangladeshi people have decided to take matters into their own hands.

“We will have our revenge on Aleem Dar for denying our beloved cricket team the semifinal berth with that malicious no-ball call. Starting today, our people will infiltrate into Pakistan rather than India. Aleem Dar will regret the moment he gave that terrible decision. Pakistan will regret the day Aleem Dar was born,” screamed a bunch of Bangladeshis standing across the Indo-Bangla border with bags, suitcases and all their belongings.

“Our men will drive rickshaws on the streets of Islamabad, Lahore, Peshawar and Karachi. Our women will work as maids in middle-class Punjabi and Sindhi households. We’ll get voter ID cards made. We’ll get Pakistani driver licenses made. We’ll get whatever IDs there are to acquire. Little by little, we’ll creep into the Pakistani demography and into the Pakistani psyche. And before they know it, we’ll be a vote bank!” exclaimed a Bangladeshi national to wild cheers and hoots from the rest of the would-be infiltrators.

But will they be able to do it as effectively as with India, considering the vast Indian landmass between the two nations? “Bah! Of course we can!” scoffed another Bangladeshi national. “Ground, sea or air, we’ll take every available route to get into Pakistan. Nobody can stop a Bangladeshi illegal whose time has come.”

Mohammad Hasan, a self-proclaimed consultant in illegal Bangladeshi immigration, expects a significant dent in the demographic profile of Pakistan’s border provinces as soon as a year. Using an excel model to make his point, Hasan said, “From Gujarat to Jammu & Kashmir, we already have thousands of our nationals stationed on the Indian side of the Indo-Pak border. It will take them less than a week to pack up and start moving towards the border, while other nationals move in from rest of the country to take their place. It works like a well-oiled machine.”

When we contacted Pakistani Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif for a comment on the impending demographic bomb, he waved us off haughtily, “90 percent of my time goes in tackling terrorism and handling the energy crisis, and the other 10 percent in telling this to everyone who asks me to intervene on some issue or the other. So we’ll cross the bridge when we get to it.”

Meanwhile, BJP President Amit Shah is seriously contemplating roping in Umpire Aleem Dar into the party fold and making him the face of BJP in Assam. “Aleem Dar did more to curb illegal immigration from Bangladesh in one match than what the PM could in nine months. With him as our CM candidate, it will be a cakewalk for us in the 2016 Assembly polls,” said a BJP leader on the condition of anonymity.