Me: “Thank you for calling [cell phone company]. May I confirm your wireless number?”

Customer: “My what now?”

Me: “Your wireless number?”

Customer: “I haven’t got a wireless number.”

Me: “Your cell phone number.”

Customer: “Oh yeah. I don’t know.”

Me: “You don’t know what your phone number is?”

Customer: “Nah. What is that?”

Me: “The number associated with the cell phone that you’re calling me from right now.”

Customer: “Yeah. I don’t know it.”

Me: “I see here that you’ve had the account for over a year.”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “So do you know your number?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Okay.”

*awkward silence*

Me: “Can you tell me what it is?”

Customer: “I don’t know what that is.”

Me: “Okay, let’s try this.”

(I explain how to access the number from the phone menu.)

Customer: “How do I get the menu?”

Me: “Press the menu button.”

Customer: “I haven’t got one. Hang on.”

(The customer presses random buttons for about a minute.)

Me: “Hello, sir? Are you done?”

Customer: “I see something on my screen. It’s a real long number. Is this my number?”

Me: “What does it say?”

Customer: “396748562318521*2554###.”

Me: “Okay, stop. Those are the numbers you just typed into your phone.”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Yeah.”

Customer: “Oh yeah. I know my number.”

Me: “Really?!”

Customer: “Yeah. It’s [6-digit-number].”

Me: “That was only 6 digits.”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “I need 10.”

Customer: “Oh. I only got 6.”

Me: “I realize this.”

Customer: “That isn’t enough?”

Me: “Not in the United States of America, no.”

Customer: “Well, that’s all I got.”

Me: “Is there any way that I can help you today?”

Customer: “No.”