As a recently married man, I support Proposition 8: I donât want the sanctity of marriage sullied by queers, pedophiles, robosexuals and Californians. I simply will not stand by and watch the solemn, noble, sacred covenant of marriage be taken anything less than completely seriously. I take it so seriously, in fact, that Iâve recently undergone the painstaking (and again, totally sacred) process of becoming an ordained minister. No, seriously: Thatâs for real. Iâve completed my ordainment, and can now legally officiate a marriage that will be recognized in all fifty states. As you might expect, it was a long and arduous task involving years of study, strict spiritual discipline, studious reflection on the nature of man, and hopping across a series of crumbling pillars without spilling a glass of water to retrieve the precious Ajanti Dagger.

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This is how religion works.

Oh wait, no it wasnât. I went here, filled out some basic information and verified an email address . For those of you that didnât visit that link, hereâs a picture of the form.

There are no pages after that â thatâs the entire thing. You get a verification email and click the link, and youâre done. Many states, including the one I live in, require no registration with the government whatsoever. Unfortunately, not all states are so trusting; some do screen the process. If so, they might require a Letter of Good Standing from your church, and then youâre pretty much screwed: That thing costs ten whole dollars. You can order it from the site. But most of you wonât have to do another damn thing. There are no quizzes, no ethical or moral questions - no qualifications, period.Â They donât even ask if you have a criminal record. You could have spent the last decade serial raping baby panda bears in front of fourth grade classes on zoo field trips, and you can still become an ordained minister in most states, perfectly able to perform legally binding prison weddings so that finally â