BOCA RATON (The Borowitz Report)—The third and final Presidential debate ended in dramatic fashion tonight as President Obama punched Republican nominee Mitt Romney in the face, knocking him unconscious before a national television audience.

As Mr. Romney lay motionless on the floor at Lynn University with 35:06 remaining in regulation, moderator Bob Schieffer declared the debate over, calling Mr. Obama’s punch “a clean shot.”

The President’s uncharacteristic explosion of anger came after Mr. Romney repeatedly needled him about going on a global “apology tour” on behalf of the U.S.

As the former Massachusetts Governor continued his harangue, TV viewers witnessed Mr. Obama glaring at his Republican opponent, a vein visibly throbbing on the President’s forehead.

Still, few observers were prepared for the sight of Mr. Obama leaping across the table and cold-cocking Mr. Romney, dropping him to the floor.

Moments later, Vice-President Joe Biden jumped onstage to congratulate Mr. Obama with a jubilant high-five.

“You literally cleaned his clock,” Mr. Biden said. “I only wish I’d done the same thing to that punk Ryan.”

After the debate, the usually mild-mannered Obama was at pains to explain why exactly he had struck Mr. Romney in the face: “I guess I just couldn’t take it any more, and I sort of snapped. It wasn’t optimal. But he was being such a dick.”

Minutes after Mr. Romney was carried out on a stretcher, the debate was declared a victory for Mr. Obama by all the major networks except Fox News, who called it a draw.

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Photo by Jewel Samad/AFP