What's that I can see in the distance? Wait, it's getting closer. I can almost make it out. Oh, don't worry it's just another Charlie Austin to Newcastle United rumour. Apparently, Newcastle United are expected to make a £13.25 million bid for the Queens Park Rangers striker.

Yawn. It's time for the Magpies to forget about that Premier League one-hit-wonder (who's asking for £85,000 a week) and concentrate on some real strikers. Look, Austin scored 18 Premier League goals last season - but that doesn't mean he's going to be the next Geordie Messiah. He's not about to pull off a cartwheel-followed-by-three-air-body-shots celebration, or volley the ball into the top corner against Everton wearing black Umbro boots. Why not? Well, because Austin is a bottom-three striker and Newcastle United, under Steve McClaren (procurer of Aleksandar Mitrovic and Georginio Wijnaldum), are destined for far-more luxurious places than that Sunderland-filled cesspit. If the 26-year-old remains at QPR, sulkily nursing his dodgy shoulder, then he would be doing himself a favour. He could score loads of goals, celebrate plenty of times with Clint Hill and receive over-stated praise from Robbie Savage and Paddy Power. Meanwhile, Newcastle United, having signed one of these genuinely worthy £15 million targets, will be scoring their way into the Europa League spots. So here's 10 players they should target ahead of Austin...