Occupy's motto is "The only solution is world revolution." OK... but what about setting our sights a little lower, like taking back Wisconsin? Now, last fall, I must admit that I too got caught up in the Occupy Wall Street excitement. I went down there, I chanted, I held a sign, I shared some sacred herb with members of a drumming circle. But strangely enough, it turns out that having a sleepover in the park for four months didn't cause Wall Street to crumble.

And that's not because Occupy didn't have the right message. It did: that America's wealth is increasingly in the hands of a tiny kleptocratic priesthood of finance cowboys and the politicians they buy, protected by a free fire zone of rules they wrote themselves, feeding on the republic from within, like a transcontinental tapeworm the size of Route 66. Sure, I'll give you that. It's just, I think it was Gandhi who said, "The park? Again? Really?"

I mean, no offense, but we tried the whole "sit outside until we get our way" thing, and it went over like Paris Hilton's music career. Because, what does taking over a park really achieve, besides forcing anonymous gay sex back into the bathhouses? (gives pointed look at John Waters) (audience laughter and applause)

And besides, the people who recently bought Facebook stock, they need some place to sleep now.

If you think I'm being too mean about this, go to the Occupy website. It says that their big plan this year is to have a national gathering on July 4th, and I quote, "to facilitate a visioning process designed to allow all voices to be heard while allowing repeat visions to organically rise to the top". I don't know what the fuck that means.

But on July 5th, the Occupy Wall Street "Guitarmy", yes, a guitar army.... (shocked audience laughter as Bill facepalms) They promise to march from Philadelphia to New York, singing folk songs. So take that, Wells Fargo! You foreclose on my house, I'm gonna hit you with 187 choruses of "Tom Dooley".

Here's a thought. Instead of organizing interstate hootenannies, maybe it's time for Occupy Wall Street to actually participate in the American political process. (audience applause) That means boring stuff, like canvassing neighborhoods, raising money, running candidates for office, manning phone banks, and making a baby with John Edwards.

I know it's a lot harder work than learning the chords to "Kumbaya", but it seems to be working for the Tea Party. I mean, think of it. Three years ago, the Tea Party was just a few hundred retired diabetics angry at blacks and gays for making them feel old. But now, now they have 62 seats in Congress. And before John Boehner makes any decision, he first has to go outside to the National Mall, and ask the former mental patient dressed as George Washington for permission.

And that's because the Tea Party took it to the next level. They mobilized. They put on a nice shirt and their best teeth... (audience laughter), and they got out there, and they drafted candidates, registered voters, and did all the stuff that when the left does it, it's called "using the methods of Saul Alinsky".

The Occupy movement could do the same thing for the Democrats. In fact, we need Occupy to be our Tea Party. An unwavering bloc that will force things to the left, as relentlessly as a new pair of jeans with a tight inseam.

A solid bloc of far-left intractable Democratic Congressmen, who Obama can point to and say, "You know, I'd love to renew your Bush-era tax cuts, but I have to deal with these crazy motherfuckers." (wild audience applause)

All right, that's our show!