CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

As Ireland and the UK make moves to temporarily close down pubs to limit social interaction, Australia is still about a week or so off from really taking this global pandemic seriously.

While Australia has banned crowds at footy matches – the Prime Minister is still encouraging the public to continue going to church and rush to the shops to panic buy groceries in giant crowds that definitely have one or two carriers amongst them.

However, as is usually the case with gloom and doom in the headlines – millions of Australians have responded to the scary news cycle by getting very pissed last night.

With many mentally preparing for social isolation in the next couple of months at some point, over half that nation realised that this weekend might be there last weekend to give a good nudge in a while.

It is for this reason that half Australia have today woken up wondering whether they are hungover or just suffering from one of those hangovers.

And by one ‘those hangovers’ – we mean those cold sweats and dry cough hangovers that we’ve all had after embarrassing ourselves one night.

Due to the fact that it is impossible for the layman, or even a doctor without the official equipment, to tell if someone has contracted COVID-19 or not, today’s hangovers will likely result in hundreds of thousands of panicked citizens clogging the Australian health system.

The nation are being urged to smash a blue Powerade and some KFC before they decided whether or not they decide to go to hospital and waste our precious resources on a case of dehydration and regret.