Of course Fredbird, the official mascot of the St. Louis Cardinals, would be the one sports mascot to attend an event hosted by the St. Louis Police department and hold up a “Police Lives Matter” sign. It was never going to be any other way.


(Here’s where some of you are going to say, “What, police lives don’t matter?” To which all we can say is, “Cut the shit.” Of course police lives matter, but used as a direct retort to the non-controversial idea that black lives matter, the phrase is an at best crypto-racist way of dismissing legitimate anger about police violence in black communities.)

We emailed the Cardinals employee in charge of handling Fredbird’s bookings, just to see what the process is for getting him to attend shitty events. This is what she told us:

Tom, Fredbird is available for hire for any type of event—birthdays, weddings, bar mitzvahs, community events, visits to nursing homes, charity events, etc. To book him you just need to fill out an application. Hope that helps.


It seems like getting Fredbird to an event is a pretty painless process. If you are in the St. Louis area and you are looking to book a special guest to attend your next Klan rally or pro-ISIS book club, please consider Fredbird. You could probably even get him to hold up a “Bush Did 9/11” sign.