With his poll numbers dwindling and his shot at a presidential nomination looking very bleak, the Bush family thought it best if Jeb ate at the kids’ table this Thanksgiving.

“We’re a bit ashamed of him right now,” said George Sr. “Bush’s are winners. I was elected president. My son George was elected president and revolutionized the entire country of Iraq, and now we’re counting on Jeb to keep the legacy going. So until he gets his poll numbers up, he’ll be eating at the kids table with George III, Dale, Suzie and Cousin Francis.”

George W. Bush added: “We still have hope in him, but we just feel like he really has to earn his place at the adult’s table. I always made him do crazy shit before I let him hang out with me and my friends, which is why he can’t grow hair on his left leg.”

Jeb denied these claims. “It was a deliberate choice for me to sit at the kids’ table. They are the future of this country, so it’s important for me to consider their needs when I’m in the white house. And Cousin Francis does really funny Simpsons impressions, which is nice.”