Welcome to Verbal Abuse of Men

Verbal abuse is not a side issue. It is the issue in the relationship.

Verbal abuse creates pain and trauma and can lead to physical illness.

Studies have shown that emotionally abused men can experience depression, psychological distress, and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Once your wife or companion has chosen abuse or violence, end the relationship promptly and irrevocably, or, if you wish to stay together, AND your wife or companion acknowledges the abuse AND wishes to receive counseling to positively change herself and the relationship, find a counselor who has experience with abuse of men.

Purpose of this Web site

This Web site was established for research and to report upon the experience of men who are abused by their wives, or female partners. While there are many Web sites available that discuss and lend support to women who are abused by their husbands, or by other men in their lives, there are few Web sites that offer support to verbally abused men. This Web site is currently in its infancy and will continue to grow as more verbally abused men are willing to share their stories, and willing to give encouragement and support to others who are in the same situation.

Please tell everyone you know about this search for stories from verbally abused men. It is important to gather as much information as possible to help educate others, including divorce court lawyers and judges, and to help support each other in a journey that can be humiliating, embarrassing, painful, debilitating, and can cause very serious health problems, including death if your verbally abusive spouse becomes extremely physically abusive.

If you would like to share your verbally abusive experience, please share your story at the Sharing your story page. Your story will then appear on the You Are Not Alone page so others will not feel so isolated, with no support and nowhere to turn. When you share your story, your identity will not be disclosed.

If you are not sure if you are in a verbally abusive relationship, ask yourself the questions below.

Does your wife get upset at things you say that you consider just normal conversation?

Are you confused about what you can say to your wife because you never know what will upset her?

Does your wife treat you like a child and only “let” you do certain things of which she approves?

Do you avoid activities when your wife is around because you fear she will criticize you or disapprove?

Does your wife continually criticize who your are, what your do, your clothing, possessions, opinions, and decisions?

Do you feel like you are always at fault and can never do anything right?

Does you wife tell you she is smart and knowledgeable and you are dumb and stupid?

Do you feel that you just can’t make smart decisions and you mentally beat yourself up when you do something that your wife calls stupid?

Does your wife threaten you with physical harm?

Have you ever feared being around your wife?

Has your wife told you to get out, or actually kicked you out of the house, only “allowing” you back on her terms?

Do you feel like you can only stay with your wife’s approval and that your wife is in control of whether you stay together?

Does your wife ridicule your children and blame you for their terrible upbringing?

Are you afraid to even mention your children because you know everything they do which your wife disapproves of will be “your fault?”

Does your wife insult or make fun of your friends and family?

Do you feel uncomfortable talking with your wife about your friends and family, or having them around your wife?

Does your wife read your mail and e-mails?

Are you always cautious about what you write for fear that your wife might read it and get angry?

Is your wife extremely jealous and accuse you of flirting with any female you happen to speak to or compliment?

Have you changed your behavior around women to the point where you feel like you are actually being rude to them in order not to anger your wife?

Does your wife continually doubt your fidelity and accuse you of having girlfriends?

Are you afraid of even mentioning females in conversation because you fear your wife will somehow turn them into your "girlfriends?”

Is your wife jealous of your job, hobbies, interests, and even your pet?

Do you avoid discussing your job, hobbies, interests, and pets because you know your wife will probably get angry about them?

Does you wife tell you that she will always “know” what ever you do when you are not with her, insinuating she has special powers, or friends who will report on you?

Do you avoid doing certain innocent activities while you are away from your wife because you are afraid she may hear about it and turn it into something that angers her?

Does your wife demand to know what you do and where you are all the time?

Do you rush home from work, or other activities, for fear that your wife will be angry because you arrived home late?

Does your wife accuse you of no intimacy while she is the one who is seldom or never intimate?

Do you feel like you are extremely lucky whenever your wife decides to have an intimate moment; a gentle hug, a snuggle, a kiss, or even more?

Does your wife constantly criticize the way you do things, either verbally or with gestures and facial expressions?

Do you feel inadequate doing things you used to do rather well?

Does you wife constantly demand that you do more, make more money, acquire more things for her, take her more places, or satisfy more of her needs?

Do you feel like you can never do enough and you are constantly exhausted with no way of ever catching up?

Does your wife criticize the foods that you eat, or don't eat?

Are you uncomfortable eating around your wife?

Does your wife criticize you for trying to be healthy while she is always sickly and needs attention?

Have you changed from a healthy lifestyle to an unhealthy one because you do not want to anger your wife?

Does your wife blame you for her illnesses or ailments?

Do you sometimes feel like you are the cause of her physical illnesses or ailments?

Has your wife created an intolerable amount of stress in your life?

Do you suffer from physical illness or mental confusion that you cannot connect to any known cause?

Does your wife criticize the way you spend money?

Do you feel like you can only buy things if your wife approves?

Does your wife build up her religious and moral convictions while criticizing yours?

Do you sometimes feel like your spiritual life and morality are lacking and you just are not a very good person?

Does your wife call you derogatory names?

Do you sometimes feel the derogatory names might be true?

Does your wife blame you for everything that goes wrong?

Do you feel like you can never do anything right, or at least well enough to please your wife?

Does your wife threaten to punish you if you misbehave?

Do you fear what your wife might do to you if you do not behave in a manner in which she approves?

Does your wife justify her abusive behavior by saying that she only does it because she loves you?

Do you feel like you live in a very conditional relationship, where if you are good then your wife will love you?

Does your wife accuse you of lying when you know you are absolutely telling the truth?

Do you feel uncomfortable in normal conversation with your wife, friends and family because you fear that your wife will accuse you of lying?

Does your wife accuse you of being disloyal because you did not take up for her?

Are you confused as to why your wife says you are disloyal since you feel like you always support her?

Does your wife always need to “get credit” for everything because everything is always her idea and she always knows what’s best?

Do you hesitate to tell your wife about your new ideas or things you hear because she will say that she told you that long ago, and that you never listen to her because you always need to hear it from someone else?

Does your wife turn normal conversations into opportunities to criticize you and blame you for things from the past?

Do you hesitate to have conversations with your wife because you know they will end up in her criticizing or blaming you for something that has long past?

Does your wife constantly bring up things you did in the past that angered her and accuse you of never learning from your mistakes?

Do you feel like you just can’t win no matter how you try to be the best husband possible?

Does your wife demand that you stay with her because you are obligated or because you have nowhere else to go?

Do you feel trapped in this relationship because you fear what she will do if you leave?

Has your wife threatened suicide, or other bodily harm, if you leave her?

Are you afraid of leaving your abusive wife because you would feel responsible if she did harm herself?

Does your wife treat you like you are less than her, or like you are a child?

Do you feel like a child living in fear of a domineering parent?

Does your wife accuse you of not being the man you were when she first married you?

Do you feel like less of a man than you felt when you first got married?

This is certainly not a complete list but it will give you an indication of some of the areas of verbal abuse. If after reading these questions, you feel you can answer YES to many of them, you are most likely a victim of verbal abuse. Please go to the Sharing your story page and share your experience so it can be posted on this Web site for others to read so they will know that they are not alone. Just knowing that you are not alone is sometimes the first step in gathering the courage to get help or to leave your verbally abusive wife.

Thank you for taking the time to read the long list of questions above. With your help, and the help of other readers, this Web site can grow into a support area for all of us by sharing our experiences, and our successes in taking back our lives.

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