WASHINGTON—Deeply troubled by the communication received from a divine messenger, Mike Pence was reportedly struggling Friday to reckon with a recent vision of the Prophet Muhammad revealing that the vice president was destined to become the next president of the United States. “He told me that I was the chosen one and I’m the one true president, but also it was the wrong guy speaking on God’s behalf. I’m not a huge supporter of Islam, but on the other hand, I really liked what Muhammad was saying. Hmm, this is a toughie,” said the vice president, attempting to weigh his desire for political power against his strict commitment to Evangelical Christianity, which were seemingly unable to coexist in the vision of the future brought forth by the sacred prophet and founder of Islam. “Maybe it was just Jesus disguised as the prophet Muhammad and he was trying to test my faith. But then, does that mean it’s not my fate to be president? I guess I could convert to Islam for a few days just to claim my destiny and then convert right back to Christianity. I mean, Islam and Christianity are actually kind of similar when you think about it, right?” At press time, Pence had decided to split the difference between the two religions and converted to Judaism.

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