Hallelujah and about time too, Britain. Make that Great Britain. For what makes Britain great? You use your words, that's what.

Right now, Canada sucks, and all because we have a hung Parliament and no one's done anything about it for years. We are ruled by Stephen Harper, a hard-right hick with a grudge who after serial elections cannot get a clear mandate from the voters.

When you have a hung Parliament, you try to form coalitions. We have formed none. We remain hanging, like a dry-aged haunch of venison out back of the garage. Our MPs hurl figurative faeces at each other in the House of Commons and then go to monkey sleep under their minute Parliamentary desks, dreaming of democracy.

I don't know if "use your words" is a common phrase in your country. Here, Canadian toddlers are regularly told this, a tactful New Age parent way of saying "Stop hitting your little friend, you tiny nasty animal. Negotiate. Share your toys. Find a way."

This is what Cameron and Clegg and the tragic Brown are doing as you read this, exchanging blizzards of eloquent Eton/Westminster School/Kirkcaldy High School–taught words in order to make a nation-saving deal. Negotiation, blasts of words, a strategic ellipsis, then emollient phrases followed by the steely bits on reform of first-past-the-post and a hint of bending on immigration and, I would hope, no cuts to the BBC. It's real talk.

Oh, there's nothing better than a hung parliament to give things a kick-start. I notice that faux-commiserating Americans get stuck on the word "hung" which to them either means death by hanging or, and I'm sorry to report this, a guy with a frontload of taint, with an inbuilt asset, if you get my drift and it's just as well if you don't.

Also, Americans can't do the math. They are a simple people with a matching approach to life – win or lose – which is why they're now saying, "Hey, your political system is as screwed as ours."

I loved your TV debates, Great Britain. The BBC won on set design and then lost on election night with some kind of barge full of people like Joan Collins and Andrew Neil, and to my shrieking horror, was that Armando Iannucci smiling gently and taking notes?

Excellent campaigning. If only our hateful pseudo-human prime minister would meet a nice granny in Kamloops and hurt her feelings. Actually, Harper would knee her in the groin and block her hip replacement, he's that personal in his hates.

Canada has a Conservative minority government right now that does have a core belief. It's that Canadians deserve a good stomping, all of them. Conservatives can't stand people, particularly if they're female, or second-generation Canadian, or educated, or principled, or not from Alberta, which is the home of the hard-right belly-bulging middle-aged Tory male. Watch them at the G8, ostensibly fighting for women's health internationally while blocking abortions for raped Congolese.

Harper cannot get a real majority. If the centre-right Liberals and the centre-left New Democrats would form a coalition, Harper would be toast and we'd get started on what we need: national day care, TGV trains, an economic strategy, a green strategy, oh a strategy for anything, a plan is all we seek.

Instead we hang. How typical of Brown to say this will drag on, while Cameron says it must be quick. Brits want change, they want action, especially as the EU rots at the economic edges. Nothing will give them this faster than a coalition government – ideally a Lib Dem-Conservative one of ostensibly opposed interests – watching itself like a red-tailed hawk.

Fun fact: Right now Canada's choosing a national bird. Some nominate the chilly blue jay. Some put forward the aforementioned elusive hawk. My husband's a birder. "There, over there! By the cloud. It's flying over you right now. It just shit on your head. Are you blind?"

Me, I nominate the common sparrow. It's brownish and mouse-like, a worthy bird that will never have the nerve to form a coalition with a more glamorous creature, a crazy salad hawk with a duller meat for company.

Truly, I am down on my hung Canada right now.

But you, Britain at your greatest, you have a chance to fashion a government humming with energy and freshness, like a warm egg. Lay it now.