By Kristy Money

I appreciated the effort by two Mormon men to clear up misconceptions about our faith and heritage. As a proud Mormon myself, I am always happy when stereotypes get challenged about us. In that spirit of speaking truth to power, here are a few things I wish Mormons knew about our church:

1. Polygamy decreased birthrates. Most Mormons like myself were taught polygamy was instituted to create large Mormon families in our church’s early period. However, the opposite actually happened: polygamy decreased the Mormon population, compared to its later monogamous period, according to U.S. Census data on Utah. The church’s new lds.org essay on Utah polygamy actually references this in a small footnote. This fact has also been documented in other communities that practice polygamy: it decreases the number of children born to women in that community, making women a rarer commodity and keeping other fertile males their age who aren’t prominent leaders from marrying them and pairing off to raise a family focusing all his time, energy, and–to be blunt for a Mormon–sperm on one woman. The FMH Podcast’s Year of Polygamy Series does a great job telling their stories, particularly this episode on Utah polygamy. Recognizing that there would be more of us Mormons today if the church hadn’t practiced polygamy affects me emotionally–my polygamous ancestors sacrificed so much to be obedient to that principle.

2. The Relief Society is a service organization presided over by men. There are 122 General Authorities, only 9 of which are women, including the Relief Society Presidency. All 9 are in auxiliary positions in which men have the final say on all their decisions. The Relief Society used to be an independent Women’s Organization in our early history. We had our own budget we presided over, our own magazine, even our own granary and teaching materials. In the early 20th century it was re-organized by male leaders to be subsidiary.

3. Joseph Smith called the Relief Society a “kingdom of priests.” That statement of his is recorded in the original Relief Society minutes on the date it was founded, and can be found on lds.org. He said that day to the society, “I turn the key unto you [Emma].” What he meant about priests and keys is anyone’s guess, though Mormon feminists have varied and strong ideas on that subject. Also, in its early founding days the Relief Society, under its first President Emma Smith, functioned openly as an anti-polygamy group. This is while Joseph Smith was secretly practicing polygamy, even as the church essay on lds.org admits, without Emma’s knowledge.

4. The Priesthood Ban should more accurately be referred to as the Priesthood/Temple Ban. Black Mormon women could not receive their endowment, marry in the temple, do temple work for their deceased loved ones of African decent, or be sealed to their parents, husbands, and children for time and all eternity until 1978. The doctrine which later was referred to as a policy not only affected Black men, but women too.

5. No women were consulted when the Proclamation to the World on the Family was written. Chieko Okazaki, in an interview published in the BYU Studies periodical, noted that the finished proclamation was presented to her and the rest of the Relief Society General Presidency and no input was asked for. She said she wished women could have been involved in a document so foundational with serious applications to women’s lives because she would have made changes. Chieko was the first woman of color to serve on a General Board, and only in October 2014 did a Black woman pray for the first time in general conference.

6. Over 122,000 male leaders have access to the Church Handbook of Instructions Book I. Only 9 women do. We cannot see or read the rules by which we are governed.

7. Fathers with young children can be temple workers. Their wives cannot. Even if their husband’s aren’t temple workers, or they have babysitters. Or if they are single/divorced sisters. I was so pleased to see the change November 2014 in which women with young children can now be CES-employed seminary teachers, and they will no longer be fired if they get pregnant. However, the policy still applies to temple workers. I imagine this won’t be the case for long if enough people become aware it’s still enforced.

8. The church handbook strongly discourages surrogacy and sperm donation. This policy negatively affects many infertile Mormon women and women who would like to be surrogates. Church discipline is suggested as a possibility for those who do. However, Brigham Young instructed a loving infertile couple to temporarily separate, he chose another man for her to sleep with until she conceived twice, and then return to her husband afterward to be a family again. Talk about fraught church-sanctioned surrogacy. I find our doctrine about sealings (regardless about who we were physically born to) a comforting doctrine. I don’t see how we got here matters (whether naturally, through IVF, surrogacy, sperm/egg donation, or adoption). This rule seems to fall under “outdated women’s reproductive health regulation” issues and will hopefully change.

9. Deceased children can only be sealed to their mothers if the baby took a breath. At least, that’s the rule in the handbook I’m not allowed to read. This policy brings immeasurable pain to women who have lost their child due to miscarriage or stillbirth, adding additional sorrow in an already excruciating loss. I have seen this first-hand as a psychologist and mother myself. Doctors estimate up to 30% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. I have faith that our church, which places a top priority on large families and being together forever, will clear this policy up soon.

10. Asserting that our church encourages wide and open debates is, well, debatable. And also depends on where you live geographically. Local leaders in Boston, for instance, might be more open to congregants expressing unpopular views than Brigham City, Utah. I would argue that only a restricted range of culturally-approved subjects can be openly contested. Yes, many objected to the priesthood/temple ban pre-1978. Some were excommunicated for openly doing so. Mormon feminists were excommunicated and/or disciplined in the early 1990’s and again in the early 2000’s. Even though church spokesperson Ally Isom confirmed that nowhere in our Mormon doctrine does it say that women can’t be ordained, Kate Kelly was still excommunicated on charges of apostasy. Kristine Haglund wrote today that she envisions our Mormon community to be more tolerant of different ideas and voices. I share in her hope that this will indeed be our future.