@realDonaldTrump

Weak Hamlet should stop moaning about past and get on with his life. All talk, no action! King Claudius has my full support.

@realDonaldTrump

Tremendously fat honey thief Winnie-the-Pooh deserves to get stuck in Rabbit’s hole. Not crying for him, believe me, OR low-energy Eeyore.

@realDonaldTrump

Small farmers need our support NOT meddling spiders ruining livestock sales. Creepy Charlotte should stick to catching flies!

@realDonaldTrump

Successful businessmen should be left alone by boring ghosts and sad employees. Bob Cratchit is a loser. No enthusiasm! Also . . .

@realDonaldTrump

Tiny Tim is a lazy con who manipulates media with whining. He should save “blessings” for himself. Pathetic!

@realDonaldTrump

Little Miss Muffet doesn’t deserve curds OR whey if she can’t deal with a bug. No strength or stamina and her tuffet is a disgrace.

@realDonaldTrump

Deport Don Quixote with fat idiot Sancho Panza. We have enough problems without terrorists attacking energy plants.

@realDonaldTrump

No one is saying Owl and Pussycat can’t be together, just don’t rub it in our face. And the boat is an embarrassment!

@realDonaldTrump

Know from much experience Eastern European women are the most faithful in the world. Cheating Anna Karenina makes me sick!

@realDonaldTrump

Anyone who thinks a good relationship with Mordor is a bad thing is stupid. And crooked Frodo should return ring to rightful owner.

@realDonaldTrump

Wolf well within rights to evict disgusting pigs from below-code structures.

@realDonaldTrump

Overrated king’s horses and men are failed élites. Humpty Dumpty deserves better and will get it after Obamacare repeal.

@realDonaldTrump

Very Little Jack Horner’s biggest accomplishment: putting in thumb, pulling out plum. Sad!

@realDonaldTrump

Stepsisters deserve compensation for loss of employee. Shame on you, prince!

@realDonaldTrump

Mr. Samsa smart to throw apple at disgusting cockroach son, any father would. My sons will never turn into anything.

@realDonaldTrump

Better British schools and Hogwarts would fail on its own. Instead, England has disastrous witch problem. I WON’T LET IT HAPPEN HERE!!!

@realDonaldTrump

Feel bad for amazing candy house after disgusting fat pigs Hansel and Gretel got through with it. Not nice! Admire witch’s restraint.

@realDonaldTrump

Rumpelstiltskin made a very smart business deal with miller’s daughter, distorted by fake news media.

@realDonaldTrump

Humbert Humbert is a degenerate and should be jailed. Also, Ivanka is ten times hotter than Lolita.

@realDonaldTrump

Hare was cheated in rigged race! Low-energy Tortoise continued during rest breaks. Not fair!