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THE first call is the deepest. But I don’t want to talk about it.

Oh who am I kidding? I was only joking.

Let’s face it, it’s not every day you just happen to pick up the Daily Record bat-phone and hear Rod Stewart going full Celtic Da on the other end of the line.

Well, you know what they say, some guys have all the luck.

And so it came to pass that this morning football’s favourite Hotline just happened to take arguably its greatest ever call from a Knight of the Realm, Grammy Award winner and Rock and Roll Hall of Famer.

Calling from his holiday home in England shortly before boarding a private jet for a gig in Aberdeen, the great man said: “I read the Record every day. If I can’t get the paper then I catch up on line and this morning I saw a story about some chart which ranks the most successful football teams in the world.

“The guy who wrote it said that Rangers were far ahead of Celtic. But when I looked up the chart this morning it was the other way around.

“It starts off with the likes of Manchester City and Barcelona and then all the way down it’s got Celtic and Rangers. But, in actual fact, Celtic are above Rangers.

"Now, how they work out this chart I don’t know. It’s all bulls***.

“But I just thought there was a little error there that I would like to correct on behalf of Celtic!”

(Image: Getty)

OK, some quick housekeeping at this point.

Turns out both Rod and the Record on-line team were actually correct. At the time of publication - on Monday afternoon - Rangers did top their old rivals in the latest Global Club Soccer Rankings, released ahead of the new domestic campaign.

But those positions flipped overnight - leaving Rod as mystified as us as the countdown to the new season.

What a palaver. This old heart of mine can hardly cope with the excitement.

Rod went on: “I must say, I’m looking forward to the challenge next year. Rangers seem to have about 200 players and I don’t know how they’re going to boil them down to 11.

“But I’m certainly looking forward to the challenge next year from Rangers. It’s good for the Rangers supporters. It’s wonderful to have this level of excitement and competition again.

“Now I need to leave for a concert in Aberdeen in a couple of hours where I’m told it’s p*****g down with rain!”

(Image: Getty)

Elsewhere, there were plenty of Hotliners waking up with something to say to you.

Jim McClean, Rothesay: “Steven Gerrard is reaching the desperate stages in his bid to get rid of Morelos. First, he said buyers must come in soon and after the Marseille win on Sunday he said Morelos had his best game in a Rangers shirt. He should be an agent.”

Bill Stevens, via email: “Who are Celtic trying to kid that they’ve knocked back another bid for their injury prone left back, who has a history of long term injury problems and has played a handful of games since Christmas?

“It’s fake news they’ve now managed to spin out for over a month.”

Thomas Grant, Helensburgh : “If Kieran Tierney is happy at Celtic then the club’s consideration of any offer from Arsenal or anyone is else disgraceful.

“Is this similar to Bob Kelly’s terrible treatment of Paddy Crerand all those years ago? If KT wants to stay I want to hear him say so loud and clear and if Celtic then consider a sale they can have my season ticket back.”

(Image: SNS Group)

Steven Richardson, via email: “Tierney will go on to bigger and better things in England and play with better players in a much superior league. The only dyed in the wool Celtic player is Scott Brown, having been there for 12 years. Others will come and go.”

John Scott, Grassmoor, said: “It’s bad enough having to read some of the dribble from Old Firm fans. However, please spare the rest of us the hypocrisy of their fans rattling their gums about holding out for top dollar for players like Tierney.

“Both clubs have filched players from Scottish clubs for decades and are in no position to criticise English clubs trying to get our lads on the cheap. I’d take them seriously if Celtic had, for example, bid £5m for John McGinn from Hibs.”

Gordon Ashley, Ayr: “So, it looks like Rangers and Accrington Stanley are the two teams to watch out for this year. In other news, real managers like those of Celtic, Rennes and Marseille continue to use friendlies to try out new tactics, formations and gain squad fitness.”

Bud Hay, Dumfries, added: “Rangers have won three games. So what? They weren’t bragging when they were gubbed over the last three years. My claim to fame is I’m the Scottish, British and national dominoes champion. I’ll gift Steven Gerrard one of my trophies so he can at least see silverware this season.”

Allan McGaw, Alloa: “I’m getting fed up with Hotline regulars such as Dunky Robertson and Gordon Ashley talking about Rangers all the time. They’re Celtic fans for goodness sake, why can’t they speak about their own side. They’re obsessed. Why are they so worried?”

Finally, Andrew McBride, Tillicoultry, said: “I’ve been a Celtic fan for 65 years and I believe my club wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Fergus McCann.

"With that in mind, it’s high time Celtic recognised his role in saving the club. I know there can’t be a statue for everyone, but even a concrete bunnet outside the stadium he rebuilt would be appropriate.”

Steven Gerrard