It was a night of Oscar Speeches For Dummies and Oscar Speeches By Dummies.

Sunday’s Oscars 2020 at the Dolby Theatre in Hollywood featured some of the 92-year-old ceremony’s most inspiring and eloquent winners’ remarks of all time — alongside moronic political cracks that flopped and a stream-of-consciousness rant about cows. You just can’t win ‘em all.

But director Bong Joon Ho did. He received multiple, well-deserved standing ovations for writing and directing his Best International Film and Best Picture winner, “Parasite,” the first non-English-language film to ever win the top prize at the Oscars.

Sure, it’s common to thank your fellow competitors, but have you ever seen one make a loser cry genuine tears of joy? That’s what Bong did to fellow nominee Martin Scorsese (“The Irishman”).

“When I was young and studying cinema, there was a saying that I carved deep into my heart, which is, ‘The most personal is the most creative,’” he said in remarks that were translated from Korean. “That quote is from our great Martin Scorsese.” A visibly moved Scorsese’s head fell into his hands in shock and disbelief.

Then, an emotional Bong thanked Quentin Tarantino for promoting his work early in his career when no one gave it the time of day.

“I love you, Quentin,” he said.

Later, during the film’s historic Best Picture speech, when the producers started to turn the lights down on the euphoric victors, the entire rapt crowd chanted to bring them back on.

Contrast that outpouring of honest gratitude and glee with an out-of-his-mind Joaquin Phoenix (“The Joker”) rambling like a street bum about the unspeakable injustices of cow’s milk.

“We feel entitled to artificially inseminate a cow and when she gives birth,” Phoenix said to virtually no one’s amusement while clutching his best actor trophy for “The Joker,” “we steal her baby even though her cries of anguish are unmistakable and then we take her milk that’s intended for her calf and we put it in our coffee and our cereal.”

He added: “I have been a scoundrel, selfish, cruel at times and hard to work with, ungrateful.”

At this point, the audience quietly wished Kanye West would come onstage to snatch the award out of his hand and praise Beyoncé.

Phoenix should have learned from his fellow, incredibly humble “Joker” winner, composer Hildur Guðnadóttir — the first woman to win best score since 1997, and against such legends as John Williams and Randy Newman.

Acknowledging her feat, she said, apolitically, “To the girls, to the women, to the mothers, to the daughters who hear the music bubbling within — please speak up. We need to hear your voices.”

Guðnadóttir felt her words much more deeply than Renée Zellweger (“Judy”), who, as she listed famous women throughout history — “Venus, Serena and Selena!” — sounded like she was reciting the lyrics to “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”

And then there’s Brad Pitt.

The “Once Upon A Time in … Hollywood” actor has been bringing down the house at award shows all season long with hilarious jokes about his dating life and Tarantino’s bizarre infatuation with women’s feet.

And what did he do the moment he wins one of the biggest awards of his life? Makes a lame impeachment crack.

“They told me I only have 45 seconds up here, which is 45 seconds more than the Senate gave John Bolton this week,” he said to pretty much no audience response. “I’m thinking maybe Quentin does a movie about it. In the end, the adults do the right thing.”

The stupid jab tainted what could’ve been a great moment, on a night of many spectacular moments.