In the winter there is Santa Claus, but this summer Bavaria will be visited by a new jolly old lad, Santalotti. Now Santalotti isn’t bringing presents in his sack, but instead lots and lots of transfers for all the good Bayern Munich boys and girls, and coincidentally none for those BVB and Schalke assho- …. boys and girls.

Top 5 players that Santalotti will most likely bring to Bayern this summer:

Mats Hummels – I wrote about this last week, and it seems increasingly likely that this deal will become a reality. Say what you will neutrals. Kenny Tete – Now I don’t really know a lot about this lad, but the Bayern scouts seem to really like what they see, and they have hit a couple homers lately with Coman and Costa. I will trust their judgement, and Bayern need to get a young RB into our system as soon as possible to start learning from Lahm. Miralem Pjanić – Pjanic is obviously very good, he reminds me of a less frilly Thiago. Brilliant at free kicks, great passing and vision. However with Nainggolan also supposedly heading out this summer I would be surprised to see Roma basically gut their midfield, which is why he isn’t higher on this list. Ousmane Dembélé – It is apparent that after this season Bayern can no longer count on Ribery & Robben being fit for more than half a season. This youngster has been lighting up Ligue 1 and drawing comparisons to some excellent players the likes of CR7. Hopefully Bayern snatch him up before BVB. If he dyes his hair he can join the Alaba and Coman club. Ricardo Rodriguez – Now this move is interesting, Ricardo has a relatively low release clause compared to his skill, and with the possibility of Alaba moving into the midfield, the need for a new LB would be imminent. This move would definitely be a forecast to the future.

Top 5 outrageous-yet-possible transfers:

Now let’s have a little fun. Bayern fans have been very good all year and maybe Santalotti brought a little something special!

James Rodríguez – It seems likely that Zinedine Zidane will remain the Real Madrid manager for some time. For whatever reason he and James just don’t have a good rapport. As a result, Santalotti may be able to get a good discount for the Colombian. Eden Hazard

– A recurring theme is about to emerge, and that is the replacement of Robbery (Ribery and Robben). Bayern could potentially get a deal on Hazard as well, considering the less-than-stellar season he’s had. Alexis Sánchez – For similar reasons to Hazard, Alexis is also an excellent target to replace Robbery. Bayern need someone to immediately step into some big shoes and Alexis is definitely at that world class level. Injuries are a concern. Serge Aurier – Another potential Lahm replacement. Serge had a bit of a go at Laurent Blanc this season (to say the least). It speaks to his quality however that he was only barred from the first team for a short period. The past can’t be erased though, and PSG may potentially be looking to sell him off. Romelu Lukaku – I’m not even sure if there have been rumors for this, but Lukaku has proven himself to be too good to not be playing European football. Pair this with our need for a second natural striker and yeah this wouldn’t be a terrible transfer. He would probably cost way too much money though.

The Naughty List – AKA who Krampus is going to take away this summer

So if you aren’t familiar with the tale of Krampus, in Germany he is basically the anti-Santa, and is charged with punishing the naughty kids. He supposedly puts kids into his sack and takes them away to eat them. The parallel is there, I promise!

Medhi Benatia – Plagued by injury at Bayern it seems very likely that Benatia will exit this summer, and who can really blame him. I wish him only the best in his future. Mario Götze – What could have been… A largely uninspiring campaign at Bayern will likely lead Mario to signing with a different club this offseason. He’s good, but he only really cracks the starting XI for more chances to prove himself. Serdar Tasci – Yeah he’s gone. I feel bad for him because when he did play, he did so valiantly. That being said he was an emergency signing and that’s all he was ever supposed to be. My god he is handsome though. Sebastian Rode – Rode plays so hard for Bayern but ultimately he just isn’t good enough to start regularly. In the same sense he is also too good to sit the bench. He will likely find his way to a mid-table club. Bernat/Rafinha – Bernat has been rather horrid as of late, and Rafinha is only getting older. I expect at least one of them to depart, but hey what’s stopping both of them?

Anyways that’s the post! I’m not sure whether to call it banter as it is mostly reliable information. Maybe just banter-themed? See you all again soon!

Cheers,

Keaton Goar