Recently, I had the opportunity to sit down with best-selling author and renowned sex therapist Dr. Ian Kerner.

After reading his book, She Comes First, and applying some of the principles and techniques firsthand, I emailed Dr. Kerner to speak with him about his experience as a cunnilinguist.

He walked me through some early, embarrassing sexual encounters, what most guys get wrong about going down, and the best headspace to be in when one finds themselves "pearl diving."

Dr. Kerner Inspired me to blog about my own experiences.

This post will focus more on the mindset and approach that has helped me during sex. For specific techniques, I highly recommend checking out Dr. Kerner's She Comes First.

He's been in this game for decades and has the expertise to help the most misguided man to the promised land.

Concerning my sexual knowledge base, I don't have a degree in Clitoracy 101 like Dr. Kerner, but I am willing to talk about my most mortifying and exhilarating sexual experiences.

You don't have to be a stallion to get a girl off, but you do have to pay attention.

The guys who brag most about their sexual facilities probably feel the most helpless in the bedroom. If you'd like some honest insight from a guy who has felt helpless and made adjustments, read on:

What Am I Doing?

I think I'm on the clit. Wait, no, umm…. I feel like I'm just stabbing at it with my tongue. And how many fingers do I put in to start? One? Two? Do I hook my fingertips? Relax or go fast. Shit my forearms getting tired, I'll switch in a sec. How long has it been? Do I look up at her? I feel like she's looking at me. Maybe I should fuck her already. Also, this playlist is getting weird. How do I know if she's into this?

In my early sexual exploits, I had no clue what I was doing. The above thought reel looped many times over in my head. I'm sure I left girls unsatisfied despite their best efforts to fake it.

I didn't have a game plan.

No process.

Much of the vocabulary surrounding the man's job during sex centers around penetration, so that's the type of experience I thought that I needed to provide:

I fucked the shit out of her.

Last night, I drilled that pussy.

This morning I'd be surprised if she could even walk. Does anyone have a wheelchair?