CLIFTON, NJ—Saying he was unwilling to take any chances with his safety, local man Jay Tierney confirmed Thursday that he made sure to ask every trick-or-treater if they’re the real Dracula, just in case. “Obviously, Halloween can be a lot of fun, but if you show up at my doorstep with fangs and a cape, I’m gonna need some answers in case I need to defend myself,” said Tierney, adding that, as a precaution, he kept a wooden stake and mallet behind the front door. “Usually, they say ‘No’ and I can just play it off like a joke, but better safe than sorry. I don’t want to end up a vampire myself, cursed to walk the night and feast on the blood of the innocent just because I was too embarrassed to ask a simple question. If a trick-or-treater ever does admit he’s Dracula, I’ll probably throw a Snickers in the yard and then lock the door while he’s picking it up.” At press time, Tierny peeked from behind a curtain as several costumed teens, among them possibly a real zombie and the actual Darth Vader, egged his house.

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