Let’s be honest Allyson, this really is all your fault.

For months now I’ve been flying under the radar, working hard at achieving my no-reputation reputation. I openly let my peers judge me and was happy being referred to as “Who?” and “Her?”. And it was all for two reasons:

One, they didn’t know me. And two, if we ever did meet, I could scream “You don’t know me! You don’t know me!” the same way sassy, out of control, pregnant teenagers do on Maury.

But those dreams are far behind me now.

Because today is a Thursday and I find Thursdays to be exceptionally boring. So imagine my excitement when I get an email from my school telling me I need to pick up a package. I’m already in the 7.56 to 7.73 range of happiness on any given day so I hit Chris Traeger levels of optimism.

Public Service Announcement: Apparently that much happiness affects one’s situational awareness and ability to rationalize. Because I got my package and started dancing. Like, in the mailroom, started dancing. Mind you, I’m a terrible dancer. I only wish I could dance half as well as Elaine. About 45 seconds in I say to myself, ‘You should stop. If someone notices you’ll never be able to achieve your Maury-level dreams.’

Why I didn’t stop there is beyond me.

The CIA World Factbook should really examine their projected population growth rates for India and Nigeria because they have nothing on the population growth of my college’s mailroom. In the minute and a half I spent dancing our mailroom managed to grow from one person (Me) to about 30. This includes the girl that sits behind me in criminal law and two guys that I will see in chemistry class tomorrow morning. And naturally, there were all staring at the crazy person dancing (Dancing. Seizure. Call it what you will). So as any sane, reasonable person does, I took my package and ran the hell out of there.

Thank God the embarrassment is over, right?

Wrong!

I ran so fast that I body slammed my apartment building’s door which wouldn’t have been a problem if the cute guy living on my floor hadn’t been opening it with a basket full of laundry. No, instead laundry flew everywhere and I mumbled something along the lines of “thank you” and “reddit”. Now he thinks I’m an unapologetic redditor (Which isn’t too far from the truth, but he didn’t need to know that.)

In the span of five minutes months of preparation went down the toilet, my Maury dreams were destroyed and I have now been dubbed “that mailroom girl who has frequent seizures and runs”.

So thanks.

Despite being thoroughly embarrassed, I was miraculously still pumped for your gift (See Picture One). Two things I will always do: Laugh in the face of danger by opening boxes with my hand on the scissor blade (Because really, who actually uses the handle?) and making that face when I’m excited (See Picture Four). Mainly because of who I am as a person.

So I’m just now realizing how long it took me to actually talk about the books you got me. Sorry. (Not really, I’m just practicing on what to say to laundry guy. I actually like talking about myself. See? Unapologetic.)

Okay so book numero uno: “Pawn” by Aimée Carter. From what I’ve gathered (aka, the inside flap), I’m gonna like this one. It has all the things I like: Numbers (I’m being serious), something disturbing-ish (Pleeease tell me they use face transplants) and a strong female protagonist. Seriously, nothing turns me off more than weak female characters. I haven’t been able to finish a romantic comedy in two years (Except for “10 Things I Hate About You.” Because I actually like Kat). Anyways, this book sounds pretty good so I gave you my thumbs-up seal of approval.

EDIT: I just realized the protagonist’s name is Kitty. If she’s a strong female character than my days of sorting through hundreds of young adult novels are over! Strong female character = feline name. Take Katniss, for instance. Coincidence? I think not.

The first thing I should say is that I was hyped to see you got me two books. Not only have you given me more to read but I now have another reason to procrastinate and put off my homework. You also gave me the joy of laughing so hard I choked on my spit (See Picture Ten). I think it’s because his eyes follow you everywhere. Right now, I’m holding it at an awkward angle upside down and I still feel like I’m being watched.

But book number two! Or would it be one-and-a-half and two? Eh, whatever. Book 1.5/2 is “After Moonrise” by P.C. Cast and Gena Showalter. It’s made up of two novels, “Possessed” by P.C. and “Haunted”, which was written by Gena. Picture twelve is when the word “possessed” caught my eye. Picture thirteen is when I’m relieved to remember I like books about possession. What really caught my eye were the words “detective” and “murder so brutal” (I’m a words person). I’ve spent at least half of my college career studying brutal murders, so it’s nice to have a bit of light reading.

Mad props Allyson, because you seemed to have found a non-love triangle, “first time getting on a train” dystopian novel. And two-ish novels that aren’t textbook heavy on crime, which is refreshing. You’re a Grade-A Secret Santa and —

You know what? Screw this. What I’m really trying to say is thanks for the books and ruining my reputation Allyson. It was worth it.

Madison