3 years ago I couldn’t walk up my apartment stairs without assistance and a break to catch my breath.

I’ve come so far since then. Yesterday I was moping around on my day off and feeling so unproductive. I should be working on my deadlift right now, sitting on the couch icing my back is killing my good streak, I thought to myself. Well…if I knew future me would be itching to get back into the gym to work on deadlifts, I would have fainted from disbelief. My progress has been tremendous. It’s just hard to see when it takes this long to get there.

I have some progress pictures I’ve looked through to show you different points in my life:

Above is a weight comparison for physical shape progress. I worked hard to get there.

Above is when I was the least healthy and lowest weight. I was rotating my sleep to get approximately 2-3 hours every other day. This was at Yale, of course. I’m sitting in front of an organ in this picture because I took the organ lessons to have access to a practice room for 24 hours a day since my schedule was limited with practice time vs. schoolwork. I was my skinniest and my weakest. I went on meds shortly after this photo.

A few months later, setback #1, I gained about 15-20lbs on those meds. I can see it in my face in this picture. I stopped showing myself below the neck because I was so self conscious.

And then here was over the summer when school was over and I had time to focus on my health. I was going to the gym every day, sometimes twice a day.

I even ran a 5k!! But unfortunately, shortly after this I ended up in the hospital with a burst ovarian cyst, setback #2, and recovery took quite a while.

After that I moved to Florida and continued my gym progress, shown above. I was thinning out but revealing the muscle I had gained.

Above is my third setback. At this point I knew I had a giant cyst in my uterus (second one so far) and was doped up on a largely complicated cocktail of meds and opiates just so I could be a functioning human being. For my performance, I was on Xanax, Beta Blockers, Tramadol, and Zofran (nausea). My mom saw this picture of me and said, “How did you make yourself look so sick?” and I was confused because she phrased it as if I was faking it or something. Our relationship is complicated, but my response was that I was sick. Very sick.

And here is a gritty picture of right after my surgery (right) and after I moved to Colorado (left). You can see my surgical scars in these. I’ve gotten a lot stronger in these last few years.

And here is a few days ago. I can tell I’ve put on more muscle, even if some fat came along with it. When my cut is finished I think I’m going to be in shock. And in this picture I can tell that I’ve worked hard on my obliques specifically, and carrying 50lb metal canisters at my side at work helps. My back injury is setback #4 but I’m determined to come out of it with even more strength.

So progress is relative. It’s hard to think that I’ve still come out ahead when I feel behind in my current situation. I need to remind myself of the bigger picture. I’m way better off than I was 3 years ago and I can’t wait to continue my journey.

-Elle

Exercise

20 minutes stationary bike

1 set squats with 30lb bar (finally felt it in my butt and not my quads!)

1 set hamstrings (aaaaand then I almost fainted because I’m on muscle relaxers. lol oops)

Nutrition

150 cal cocoa

550 cal 1.5 cups red quinoa cooked with butter

250 cal arctic zero brownie ice cream

380 cal 5 eggs with dash of olive oil

100 cal sliced beets with balsamic glaze

Total: 1430

Work

7 hours

6500 steps

Accomplishments

Worked ahead at work so my weekend is easier

Did the best set of squats I’ve ever done

Went grocery shopping

Music

Starboy, The Weeknd

By Your Side, Jonas Blue

Nobody Speak, DJ Shadow ft. Run the Jewels