HOT:

Complicated, unexpected media:

e.g. crushed champagne bottles with appaloosa pony and

chop-stick

Camera obscuras

Lemons

Sticks leaning on walls

Sticks with faces on them

Collages using triangle shapes

Vintage photographs of horses

Unfired clay bearing imprint

of fingers

Bad painting (figurative)

Bad painting (abstract)

1980s Postmodern painting

Getting engaged

Growing vegetables

Guinea pigs

Famous actors in low-budget

art films

Artists directing Hollywood films

Michael Fassbender

Rainer Werner Fassbinder

Obscure British Modernists

Mothers and children

Sellotape and pins

Putting on plays

Poodles

Doing a reading (as in: ‘I’m doing

a reading at ...’)

Gustav Klimt

The abstract photography backlash

Art critiquing ‘the market’ doing very well on ‘the market’

Pretending you’ve always been into West Coast art

Being concerned about ‘the crisis’

Shelves

Revolution

Referencing Occupy

Deleuze & Guattari

‘Performatively’ installing the work

Last Year at Marienbad

Animal paintings, especially of cats

Upside down photographs of people

London's West End

HOLDING STEADY:

Genius

Most galleries showing mainly male artists

Susan Sontag

Pseudo-archeological fragments arranged on a table

Fake movie posters

Dressage

The Princess Bride

Lying

Jean Genet

Sculptures leaning against walls

Dance

Adultery

Despair

Picpoul de Pinet

Loneliness

David Bowie

Virginia Woolf

Science fiction

Writing a novel/play/poems as

a conceptual statement

Making work using a fake identity

Taxidermy

Slide projections

Modified film projectors

John Cage

Plywood constructions

Jorge Luis Borges

Pliny the Elder

Long nonsensical titles

Failure

Bronze sculptures of everyday objects, painted to look like everyday objects

Canada

Old Dead White Male Artists

Old Living White Male Artists

Beards

The Wild West

NOT:

Heaven and Hell

Institutional critique

Eggs

Fidelity

Lightboxes

Earnest titles that reveal the work’s meaning (or lack thereof)

Le Corbusier

Performance involving blood

Getting married

Croatian Modernism

The late 1980s

Marina Abramović

James Franco

Marina Abramović making work with James Franco

Time-lapse footage

Ponderous soundtracks

The high/low divide

Apathy

Biennials

Action painting

Digital painting

Boastfulness

Bossiness

Pâté de fois gras

Post-surrealist history pastiche painting

Referencing Jacques Lacan

Reductive politics

Overblown claims

‘Bad boy’ art

Multi-channel video installations

Portrait photos with eyes punched/cut/burned out

Western hegemony