Erna Solberg, the Norwegian PM, slipped her mobile into a bra while watching a football match. Has she considered the consequences?

“It is neither a common nor long-lasting place for me to keep my phone,” the Norwegian prime minister Erna Solberg told reporters, after the video footage emerged. There she is, watching a game of football. “Tsk. Annoying mobile phones. Where is a lady supposed to keep it?” says her face, whereupon she slips it into her bra.

The eight immediate problems with the tactic are as follows:

1. People with well-fitting lingerie will not have room for a mobile phone in their bra. You might, at a push, have room for an Apple Watch, but I believe those are self-storing by the ancient wrist principle.

2. If it rings, it will tickle.

3. You could put it on “airplane mode” – but then, you could just put it in your bag.

4. If you leave it on, and it rings, there is every chance that while you try to extricate it, your breast will accidentally pick up. It would be the distaff variant of the butt call; the tit answer. Then you will have to text the person: “Sorry, dude; tit answer. I’m free now, call back.” But they will never call you back.

5. Exactly how do you propose to get the phone out of your bra?

6. When you get it out to use it, it will be warm. Things that are not the temperature you are expecting them to be – eg when you pick up a turd you think your dog did, but it was a different dog, from two hours ago, and now it is cold – are creepy.

7. I think it unlikely that mobile phones cause cancer, all things considered. But using your breasts as a storage area for an outside-chance carcinogenic thing is like laughing at fate.

8. All this is before we even consider what an accidental photograph would look like.

Having said all that, if it is Solberg’s intention to normalise the experience of being female, so that the existence of her secondary sexual characteristics are accepted as part of public life, then I am right behind her. Those objections are mere trifles in the face of her excellency.