(Picture: Mercury Press)

Can we take a moment to applaud eight-year-old Emily Jones?

Emily’s brother, 14-year-old Harry, has a stammer, and often finds himself frustrated when he can’t get out the words he wants to use.

Having a stammer can be especially difficult when speaking to people who aren’t sure how to talk to someone with a speech impediment, and end up making stammerers feel embarrassed as they take a little longer to get out words.

To help her brother feel more comfortable, Emily decided to create a handy guide on how to speak to someone who has a stammer, written out on a bookmark.




On the bookmark, covered with hand drawn stars, Emily wrote: ‘My brother stammers. I am so proud of him and I love him.

‘Don’t make him feel bad for stammering.

‘Don’t finish his sentence or word.

‘Do give him time. It’s okay to stammer.’

Emily and Harry’s mum Kirsten first noticed Harry’s stammer when he was four, but after taking him to the doctor and allowing him to undergo speech therapy the stammer seemed to subside.

But three years ago, when Harry was 11, his grandma passed away suddenly. The grief and stress brought his speech impediment back.

‘He was about four when me and my mum noticed that he had a slight stammer. It wasn’t as bad as it is now,’ says Kirsten.

(Picture: Mercury Press)

‘I took him to the doctors and they put him on a program. It seemed to subside. You can’t cure a stammer so it is always there.

‘We lost my mum suddenly around three years ago and that’s when it came back. I think it was triggered by the grief and stress of losing someone close to them.

‘It also came back just as he was preparing for the transition from primary to high school which was a huge blow to his confidence.

‘As his confidence dropped his stammer also got progressively worse. We just want to raise some awareness and show people it is okay to stammer.’

Kirsten cried when her daughter showed off her bookmark, moved by Emily’s gesture of kindness and understanding.

‘Emily came over and asked me if we could show this bookmark to Harry,’ she says. ‘I didn’t know what it was at first then I read it.

‘I just cried. She asked why people find it funny when Harry stammers because she has just grown up with him like that.

‘I think she had seen the cards that Harry has to let people know that he has a stammer and to ask people to give him time to answer.

‘We asked Harry to come down and he got really emotional about it too. I think it was because he knew she had read the cards he uses and understood what it meant.

(Picture: Mercury Press)

‘As a family we always try to show him that having a stammer is okay. We have had 100 of the bookmarks printed too so that Harry’s therapist can give them out to raise awareness.



‘Emily said to me that if Harry didn’t have a stammer she wouldn’t even know what one was and that if she didn’t know she might find it funny but not in a nasty way.

‘I guess to a child who knows nothing about speech impediments it could be funny and to adults it is just natural to try and help out and finish sentences.’

Kirsten hopes that by sharing Emily’s bookmark and talking about Harry’s experiences, she’ll increase people’s awareness of stammers and make sure everyone with a speech impediment receives the support they need.

‘I think a lot of people do try and cover their stammer which is why a lot of people don’t have a lot of experience with them,’ she says.

‘I think I was really ignorant to it until I started a five-week program with Harry and his therapist and I learnt so much more about stammers and the effect it can have on people.

‘Stammering is a bit like an iceberg, it’s not just what you see on the outside it is the struggle on the inside too.

‘It’s a frustrating and exhausting thing to deal with. Harry has learnt how to word swap so when he is talking and knows he is coming up to a word he can’t say he has to consciously search his brain for another word to use.

‘He does get angry at times and he will just stop talking. He won’t talk on the phone and if he knows an answer to a question at school he has to just shout it out as soon as he has it.


‘As a family we just leave him to try and get his words out, we know it is frustrating so we leave him to it.

‘Emily has done a talk about stammers to her primary school and Harry is even about to do one at his school which I am so proud and happy about.’

Advice from the British Stammering Association on how to talk to someone who has a stammer Give the speaker time to finish and do not interrupt or finish off words. Listen attentively and, if appropriate in the context, repeat back some part of what was said so that the speaker feels that what they said is more important than how they said it. Maintain normal eye contact and do not show any impatience. For example, avoid frequently nodding; looking at a watch or surreptitiously getting on with another task while the speaker is talking. Slow your own speech with natural pauses, demonstrating that there is no need to rush. When asking a question allow time for thinking so that the speaker does not feel under pressure to answer immediately. Aim to build self-esteem by emphasising what the speaker does well and use their first name regularly when you talk with her so they develop a sense of trust in your relationship. They are more likely then to develop the confidence to manage communicating, even when stammering severely. Learn about stammering and encourage the speaker to share with you his own views on what approaches and adaptations they have found to be helpful, build on those and aim to offer support. Remember that people who stammer are just like everybody else, they just occasionally may speak in a different way, so treat them as you would like to be treated yourself!

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