I started hormone therapy because I desperately wanted a more masculine body. I worried about losing my singing abilities and losing my head hair. Overall, going on T was in the top 5 best things that’s ever happened to me and I made peace with losing my singing abilities a long time ago.

I loved my hair. Getting haircuts was one of my 1st and most solid form of self-care. It was a part of my body I could modify without a health professionals approval or involvement. I could change it up about as often as I wanted, in a myriad of ways.

I was happy when my hairline became squarer in the front. I continued to enjoy changes when it started receding a bit beyond that on the sides of the front. I stopped being a fan of my vanishing hairline when it eventually started thinning in the back. The last hairstylist to whom I was dedicated said she wouldn’t be upset when I stopped seeing her, because the writing was on the wall that sooner rather than later, all I’d need was a pair of clippers.

I tried a few things along the ways, to varying degrees of success. For the last 4 years or so, I’ve debated back and forth on calling it a day, and shaving what’s left. With every new haircut I got done by a hairstylist, I felt a little more silly for paying someone to not have enough to style much of anything. I gave carte blanche to most of them to buzz all my hair off if they felt I’d reached that point. It was hard to tell if those who didn’t, worried it would insult me. Who knows. 18 months ago, one of them did but he only buzzed the top; I was left with the horseshoe look. More out of circumstance than intent, I wound up growing my hair on top back out. The debate soon resumed.

The recent culmination of: having reached the point of needing a cut + being tired of debating it + the warmer weather = I buzzed it all off, sides included.

Overall, I’m happy about it. It was definitely time; perhaps it had been 4 years ago.

Perhaps because I’m aware I got my balding gene from my dad because I’m trans/have 2 X chromosomes, perhaps because I’ve had so many family members and friends lose their hair to chemo, or for some other reason, but on some level it feels a little weird. Like I’m signaling something besides having made peace with my baldness. Hopefully this will pass in a few more days of absolutely no stranger commenting on my baldness because no one else is overthinking it but me.

I’m a tiny bit sad at accepting that this is my “hair style” for here on. With a little luck, I have more life ahead than behind me and it seems like a long time to keep this one look when there are others I’d have liked to try or revisit. But I’m also enjoying: zero bed hair/bad hair day, that much less proof if/that I woke up too late to shower in the morning, that much faster of a shower when I take one, etc. I’m still a little hyperaware of the air going by my scalp skin, feeling the temperature of a pillow or reclining chair above my neck. It’ll pass once I’ve normalised this as my new familiarity.