Earlier this week, a question was asked of our readers: why aren’t you a PC Gamer?

Uhhh, isn’t it obvious? Console gaming is clearly the way to go. It’s simpler. It’s easier. It takes up less space and we get tons of exclusive games in exchange. The PC is getting more ports than ever, sure, but you’re getting them either months or years later, or you’re getting bug-ridden glitchy messes. We had Grand Theft Auto V in 2013 when all you had was a Twitch stream and a frown. Our versions of Arkham Knight… um, they work. We’re playing and beating the game. We’ve got tons of great games that work out of the box on day 1 (excluding certain titles, like some from a company whose name begins with the fifth vowel), and we have digital downloads now as well.

What exclusives do console gamers get? Gee, I don’t know – only every iconic figure in gaming?

Let’s just count off characters from the top of my head: Mario, Link, Pikachu, Nathan Drake, Cole McGrath, Kratos, Bayonetta, Mega Man, Kirby, Sora, Travis Touchdown, the Prinnies, Crash Bandicoot, and almost the entire Belmont Clan. Then there’s characters like Sonic, Master Chief, Tommy Vercetti, and Lightning that make their way to PCs with very limited releases or on heavy delays.

We get Star Fox, Gears of War, Madden, Killzone, Super Mario Maker, the Red Dead games, Final Fantasy XV, Bloodborne (It’s still only on consoles at the moment, shut it!) and Demon Souls, The Last of Us, Little Big Planet, the good Ace Combat games, the majority of JRPGs, Pikmin, Animal Crossing, Destiny, and let’s not even look at all the awesome things consoles are exclusively getting according to this year’s E3, like Horizon Zero Dawn, the Final Fantasy VII remake, and Halo 5.

So many indie games have gone to consoles just like they went to PC, like The Binding of Isaac, Braid, and the Bit.Trip games. Older console games can be repurchased and downloaded on your console, like Nintendo having the original Super Mario Bros. and the PSone Classics for sale. No need for tricky legal questions: we just pay and play.

Take a look at this wonderful creation. Someone made a Metroidvania style Mario level recently. That is amazing fun and console exclusive.

Now, let’s look at all the steps required to set up a console.

Open the box that console came in, and take it out of the box. Put the console in a nice-looking spot on your table, entertainment center, floor, whatever. Plug it in and turn it on.

Yeaaaaaah, that was so complicated. Didn’t need to build anything. No worries that a game for your console four years from now won’t run. No need to wonder if choosing a graphics card from one company is going to mess up your frame rate or give you bad hair physics. No need for arbitrary updates; if the console needs one, it’ll tell you. If it doesn’t, no problem, continue playing as usual. Consoles have things like integrated Netflix apps, so you can get your TV on, YouTube apps, internet browsers, etc etc. So if I already have a machine that will run my games for me, why do I need to build some monolith computer to do all of that? It has to be a monolith if I’m going to play all the same new games, because you need one of those very large graphics cards that don’t fit in half of the cases. Can anything match my Wii in compact space? Maybe some rare few cases.

Really, what am I gonna do on PC? Play MMOs? Oh wait, I can ALREADY DO THAT ON CONSOLES, thanks to games like Elder Scrolls Online and Final Fantasy XIV. Hell, even Diablo is on consoles now. What do PC Gamers really have an exclusive hold on now? I mean, consoles are even getting Hatoful Boyfriend. So, I’m missing the very inclusive and beginner-friendly environment of League of Legends? Is that it? It’s odd how so many people look to PC as a place where they can go to deal with mature players, and then you deal with the MOBA community, which is just as bad. Yeah, so we yell about how we’re going to perform sexual actions with your mother alongside some racial slurs in all of our shooters, and the average age of console gamers is younger: we deal with it, cause we’ll get insulted just as much on Summoner’s Rift.

Yeah, yeah, master race. We get it. I’m just fine with the Master Sword.

Hold on. Isn’t this by the same guy as the PC one? This is completely contradictory!

Now that you mention it, yeah.

Well what’s going on with this, then!?

Well, maybe there’s more to this. Good things in threes?