Dear Manager,

I feel that this is the only way to reach you, seen as you didn’t have the time or patience to take onboard my complaint on Monday night. This was regarding the ongoing bullying and harassment I receive from your door staff as a transgender customer. With any luck, you might just take what I am saying seriously this time round.

For years I have been treated poorly and spoken to like shit by these same people at other clubs and bars around town because I have always been a bit different. I have been on the Southend scene for nearly 8 years now, however, I have only been openly trans coming up 6 months. I have become extremely tired of the drama. I have no other intention than to enjoy my night out with my friends. I shouldn’t have to take any form of abuse, especially offensive comments involving my transgender status just to go and spend MY money in a club, and because it’s the only one open on certain nights of the week.

It’s been a vicious cycle. Because one bouncer decided to pick on me all those years ago when I was 18, (baring in mind I am nearly 26) and because I stuck up for myself on that occasion the rest have come to this conclusion that I am always trouble and I’ve got an attitude?? I am only “rude” when people are “rude” to me. In this industry customers are punished for standing up for themselves. So the door staff entice the drama by acting unnecessary 9 times out of 10, and if you answer back you’re barred. Anyone who sticks up for that person is also barred, there is just no end to it and I am certainly sure a lot of people can relate. Majority of the situations I’ve seen over the years that have ended badly could of been resolved if the door staff just spoke to people with respect and dignity rather than jumping straight in with physical and verbal abuse. It’s always a case if you didn’t argue with them, you wouldn’t be barred. But if you didn’t speak to the person like shit off your shoe then there would of been no reason to argue or escalate?? I am certain this was the demise of Mayhem Nightclub.

Considering I haven’t been thrown out of your club or had any confrontation with any of your staff for the past 4 years, I don’t think using that I have been thrown out in the past because I got too drunk is any justification for the way I am discriminated against today. Everyone makes mistakes every now and then especially when alcohol is involved, but you know what, compared to the amount of times I have been out over the past 7/8 years in ratio to the amount of times I’ve ever been thrown out of a club, that is a very minor percentage. It doesn’t even relate to the incidents am about to detail so I don’t know why at one point this was even bought up in one of the incidents. It doesn’t excuse door staff for not practising basic human rights.

You are fully aware that I am transgender and so are the door staff, some of whom I work with, so we are all acquainted. Even there they speak to me like shit, mock me and take the piss with their little comments, but that’s not your problem to deal with.

One of the recent incidents when I came to the club a few weeks ago, I used the men’s bathroom. This is the gender I take medication for. Sometimes I do still use the women’s, but that’s because the men’s aren’t catered for monthly processes my body still goes through, what do you want me to do? Anyway, one of your bouncers approached me while I was in there and told me to come with him. When I asked why, he said because I’m in the men’s. I said yeah, I’m a boy? At to which point he grabbed my arm and started pulling me. I said I was trans and when I pulled back he asked to see my passport which I refused because by this point this man should of left it. If he wasn’t sure then what would have been more polite (considering I was a customer spending my money in there) would of been for him to go off and find you for advice on what to do. Instead he kicked me out of the club. So not only at this point am I am embarrassed, he goes on further to make the situation worse by when explaining it saying “she thinks she’s a man”. Are you actually serious??

But you know what, despite that whole situation I let it go because after 20 minutes of me waiting outside, you came up to me and said that you had resolved it. You said you had made all the staff aware now and I am allowed back in the club. You said I am welcome to use the men’s toilet under the compromise that if you get a lot more complaints from customers about me being in there then would it be ok if I can use the women’s as you’re running a business. It’s nice that you think about all your other customers. Even though you tried to word it as best as you could, the whole situation was not right, and I didn’t even receive an apology. Still, I dropped it because I just wanted to get on with my night.

Now a few weeks on from that, which led to this Monday comes the second incident.

I am fully aware of the rules regarding I.D on the door policy but I also know that these can be bent sometimes under discretion. Before my friends and I headed out that night, one of them contacted one of the bouncers to double check if it was ok for one of our friends without I.D to come in. He said yes. Now, I could pull up a million photos of this friend in this club and other places around Southend over the years. Cut a long story short, when we got to the door it was a no. I said in a friendly way that they know her she’s usually with me and always in here etc to which it was a no. I asked to speak to you which is when I was told no. When asked why I can’t speak to the manager, I was told that he’s not calling you for something that petty, of course this was said aggressively. It was still quite early in the night and there were hardly any customers so it would of been no harm to just see.

The door staff then went on to mock me amongst each other, so in the end I walked off for a moment to avoid it escalating. I then returned with one other person from the group who had I.D. Pointlessly I was asked to show mine to which a comment was made regarding my name change “Well this doesn’t say Hunter does it??” and continued to discuss it as I walked inside. It’s comment’s like this I do not appreciate, they are not my pals, they are people I put up with when I’m at work and when I come out to see my friends.

This is where it gets concerning. I managed to speak to you and you said no about my friend coming in without I.D, fair enough. I said I wanted to make a complaint about the door staff as I am sick of them bullying and harassing me. At that point you went over to ask what had happened and they told you the I.D story. Obviously not realising that I wanted to actually complain about the conduct of the doormen, you again said about the I.D situation which at that point I said it’s fine about that I just want something done about the way I get spoken to because at this point they were still saying “she” when they full well know the situation. This is where I became disappointed. You then told me that I need to appreciate that not everyone understands my situation. Whether people understand something or not, it costs nothing to be decent. How does that warrant this type of behaviour, not understanding it??? At that point I should think I am well within my rights to get upset, because I am making a serious complaint and you couldn’t care less. This is probably the reason why they think it is ok to discriminate because nothing ever gets done and people like me have to put up with it. Because I got upset you said you haven’t got time and walked off.

Do you know what happened when you walked off?? I was approached by two of them in an aggressive manor. “You making fucking complaints about me??” I said I am well within my rights to make a complaint if I want to because you’ve offended me at the end of the day to which he replied you’re just a customer??? Which to me is the reply from a fool who has nothing to say. But he is right, I am a customer so if I want to make a complaint then just like any other industry with paying customers, I should be welcome to. From the other one I got “You ever talk about me like that again I’ll fucking make sure you never step foot in here or any other bar in Southend again”. Baring in mind his security badge that is supposed to be on display at all times was no where to be seen on his personnel. So for making a complaint I now have been threatened. If you don’t believe me ask who was on the front desk that night, there were plenty of witnesses.

The door staff on this occasion did not ask me to leave, I left of my own accord because at that point in time I thought to myself no way am I spending a penny in a place that think it’s ok to act this way towards another human being. I have never been rude to these people, in fact if anything I am as polite as a person can possibly be to them usually, because I know that they use any excuse to start a drama. It’s not right that after all that I have been through, I am expected to keep my mouth shut and lick their arses when they are the ones in the wrong. All just to be allowed into the club, I am supposed to allow these people to bully me because I’m different, and keep my mouth shut to avoid a ban. I’m sure you pay them to keep people safe not to go on power trips.

So tonight I returned back to the club, because before publishing this post I wanted to see how they are with me after me making the initial complaint. I was right. I got to the door and I was told I had a 3 month ban. I’m refused entry to a club for not actually being a danger to people, as that’s what they’re paid to do, but because of a personal problem. Because you know after everything, I got upset and angry like any other human being in my position would of. So even though they were in the wrong, I am being punished? What because I had a rant as I walked off and disappeared into the night. Or was it because I stuck up for myself and told them outright I’m not taking it any more?? I can’t say I know anyone that would be ok with this. It makes no sense why I am banned. Trying to reason with these people is like talking to a brick wall. The only thing they are qualified in is pushing people’s buttons because guaranteed now they will turn around and say I kicked off so I’m banned for good. I am really interested to know other people’s opinions on this.

At this point what have I got to lose? That situation could have been on it’s way to being resolved if they had not given me shit tonight, and instead accepted that I made a complaint about them because what they have been doing is not right in any shape or form. To add insult to injury they are straight up liars who often stick together, they will tell you the sky is grey if it meant getting away with something.

What I have experienced is bullying. It’s discrimination. It’s harassment. If you want to turn a blind eye to it then that is what will define you as a person. If you want to say I was the one in the wrong because of my reaction then you need to reflect on the situation and realise it was a REACTION, which in this instance I am well within my rights to be angry and upset. Would you be the same if this was a complaint about direct homophobic or racist comments? In this day and age people would expect action to be taken. In any other industry this would not be tolerated so why should these people be allowed to get away with it? If you want a to see a long detailed list of all the other incidents along with quotes, names and descriptions I am more than happy to sit there and write that out for you if something will be done about it.

If you want to contact me please feel free to do so through Facebook. Alternatively, if you would prefer to email me a response please send it to huntsman_92@outlook.com

I am very interested to hear your thoughts.

Regards

Hunter Powers