So I was wallowing in my own despair as usual, just as that lazy postman dropped off a notice that my package has arrived. Y U NO BRING IT TO MY DOOR YOU SLOTH?

So anyways after I went to pickup the package I wandered back to my car and as I sat that picking my nose I wondered, what would Julian Assange do. He would fucking own this package that's what. So I engaged the package with my teeth, tearing the packaging to shreds like some diseased koala that lost both it's parents to a drunk driver and now wants go get revenge on the world. But alas, the battle came to an end. What awaited me inside was so terrifying, so horrible yet so magnificent. It was... packaging paper! Hordes of it, it was never-ending like the desert or this description of my gift. Oh it was horrible. I then proceeded to be amazed at the gift. Who would be so thoughtful to send me such amazing things, wait a minute... it all made sense now! It was a booby trap! A ploy to get me to this exact location, someone was planning this thing all along. But who?

I needn't wait long when in the mirror I saw a shadowy figure. It was HIM, it was... THE DREADED REDDIT ALIEN, IN ALL HIS MIGHT! He told me that if I didn't get to the point and fast that he would beat the crap out of me and then he kicked me in the groin just to show he means business. I said I was sorry and then I cried deeply.

So without further meaningless stories, here is my gift: - A package of horribly addicting cocaine gummy candy (why else would it be so addicting?) - A fucking awesome LEGO Star Wars set, including such memorable characters as: A blond guy with a sword, a robot made of caramel, an old guy wearing a yoga suit, a futuristic garbage can, flying red light and of course the evil masked guy with a gun

Also you should look at the other photos there on the upper right for the other part of the gift, but if you don't it'll be okay. ACTUALLY... IT'S NOT OKAY! YOU MUST LOOK AT THE OTHER PHOTOS DARN IT!