His mind is like a steel trap, but much better because a steel trap is an oldfangled technology of a bygone age. Kushner’s mind is something better, like a driverless car. Not in the sense that he lacks direction and does not know where he is going at such a high rate of speed, just in the sense that he is probably worth millions and many people overseas have great hopes for his future.

He is all-seeing and all-knowing. He is the thing that looks back at you when you look into the little camera on your computer. Nothing that occurs can do so without his knowledge. Not one bird falls from the sky, not one leak drips from the Oval Office, not one trial balloon floats or falls, but Kushner knows it. He plays chess in all eight dimensions and a ninth that we haven’t even heard of. He is perfectly in control at all times. Look on him! Look on him and marvel at such wisdom in the body of one so young! He is the one true force behind the scenes, the one who knows what he is doing, the puppetmaster, the Svengali of all Svengalis.

AD

AD

B) No, of course not.

He is but a tiny, beardless youth! Look how young he is! Barely out of short pants! What can he know of life in this world? What can he know of business?

He takes all meetings. Of course he does. He doesn’t know better. He can’t help it. He doesn’t know how the government works, or how communications work or what forms espionage might take. He is but a simple soul, young and trusting and open to the world. Life has not scarred him yet. He is a mere butterfly, crushed on the wheel. Ah, the poor young butterfly! Ah, the cruel wheel!

He is still learning. And he doesn’t know what he doesn’t know! But who does?

He does not understand numbers or emails. In fact, he has never seen an email before. Do not send him a complex email where he would have to do more than skim the chain, or where he might have to glance even for a moment at the subject line. It will make him very upset.

AD

AD

Meetings bore him. He plays on his phone until they are over.

He does not know the meaning of the word “collusion.” He does not know the meaning of any words. He is, as we said, quite young as yet in the ways of the world.

He does not understand how to fill out a simple form. Of course not! He is but a simple man, if you can even call him a man yet. (You should not.) But someday, when he is old enough, he will learn. In the meantime, he should be put somewhere where he cannot do any damage, perhaps in charge of making peace in the Middle East or revamping all of government or fixing the opiate crisis left in his bounce castle with his bear and his chocolate milk.

Why are so many people asking him difficult questions? It is much too late for him to be awake and speaking to adults.

He does not seek the limelight. He never asked to be put in this position. Adviser to the president? No, no. He is very junior. Like a mint.

He is very sorry, but he cannot help you and he would like to go home now, he is tired, and it is time for his nap.

c) He is a true miracle of science who, amazingly, can persist in both states at once, even when observed.