Alex Turner was born on this day in 1986.

The Arctic Monkeys frontman has been writing his particular brand of acerbic song lyrics for 11 years now

Selecting his greatest lyrics is no small task - but we’ve gone ahead and done it anyway. Happy birthday, Mr Turner.

Alex Turner (Getty Images)

Whatever people Say I Am That’s What I’m Not

I want to see you take the jackpot out the fruit machine / And put it all back in / You’ve got to understand that you can never beat the bandit, no - The View from the Afternoon

Your name isn’t Rio but I don’t care for sand - I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor

Have you been drinking, son? / You don’t look old enough too me / I’m sorry, officer, is there a certain age you’re supposed to be? ‘cause nobody told me - Riot Van

But this lad at the side drinking a Smirnoff Ice came and paid for her Tropical Reef - Red Light Indicates Doors Are Secure

I’ve seen your frown and it’s like looking down the barrel of a gun / And it goes off - Mardy Bum

She don’t do major credit cards / I doubt she does receipts / it’s all not quite legitimate - When the Sun Goes Down

Last night what we talked about / It made so much sense / But now the haze has ascended / It don’t make no sense anymore - From the Ritz to the Rubble

And it don’t take no Sherlock Holmes / To see it’s a little different around here - A Certain Romance

Favourite Worst Nightmare

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Assuming that all things are equal / Who’d want to be men of the people / When there’s people like you? - Teddy Picker

You took a left off Last Laugh Lane - Fluorescent Adolescent

And I hope you’re holding hands by New Year’s Eve - Only Ones Who Know

Perhaps ‘fuck off’ might be too kind - Do Me a Favour

And we’re struggling with the notion that it’s life not film - This House is a Circus

Dorothy was right though - Old Yellow Bricks

It seems like once again you’ve had to greet me with goodbye / I’m always just about to go and spoil the surprise / Take my hands off of your eyes too soon - 505

Humbug

The way you keep me in pursuit / Sharpen the heel of your boot / And you press it in my chest and you make me wheeze / Then to my knees you do promote me - Dangerous Animals

I smelt your scent on the seatbelt / And kept my shortcuts to myself - Cornerstone

Tell me where’s your hiding place / I’m worried I’ll forget your face / And I’ve asked everyone / I’m beginning to think I imagined you all along - Cornerstone

And after you have dabbed the patch / you’ll grieve and then proceed to scratch / The varnish off that newly added calmness / So as not to raise any alarms too soon - Dance Little Liar

He became laughter’s assassin surely after he showed you what it was - The Jeweller’s Hands

Submarine EP

Alex Turner from The Arctic Monkeys (Getty Images)

Tell me how can I put you off when you’re a matter of urgency? - Glass in the Park

It’s like you’re trying to get to heaven in a hurry / But the queue was shorter than you thought it’d be / And the doorman says you need to get a wristband - It’s Hard to Get Around the Wind

Any man who wasn’t led away into the other room / Stood pretending / That something in your magnetism hadn’t just made him drop / Whoever’s hand it was that he was holding - Stuck on the Puzzle

I heard an unhappy ending / It sort of sounds like you leaving - Piledriver Waltz

If you’re gonna try and walk on water make sure you wear your comfortable shoes - Piledriver Waltz

Suck It and See

In an unusual place when you’re feeling far away / She does what the night does to the day - She’s Thunderstorms

And did you ever get the feeling / That these were things she said before? / Her steady hands may well have done / The devil’s pedicure - The Hellcat spangled Shalalala

Been watching cowboy films / on gloomy afternoons / - All My Own Stunts

Don’t worry, I’m sure that you’re still breaking hearts / With the efficiency that only youth can harness - Love is a Laserquest

Do you look into the mirror to remind yourself you’re there / Or has somebody’s goodnight kisses got that covered? - Love is a Laserquest

You’re rarer than a can of Dandelion & Burdock / And those other girls they’re just post-mix Lemonade - Suck It and See

AM

Arctic Monkeys at the NME Awards last year (Getty Images)

Been wondering if your heart’s still open / And if so I wanna know what time it shuts - Do I Wanna Know?

She's a silver lining climbing on my desire - R U Mine?

She’s got a Barbarella silver swimsuit / And when she needs to shelter from reality / She takes a dip in my daydreams - Arabella

Sunglasses indoors / Par for the course / Lights in the floor / Sweat on the walls - No 1 Party Anthem

But that place on memory lane you like still looks the same / But something about it’s changed - Fireside

Singles / EPs / B-sides

Oh, and she thinks she’s the one / But she’s just one in twenty-four - No Buses

It seems as we become the winners / You lose a bit of summat / And half wonder if you want it all - Despair in the Departure Lounge

They left before the lights came on / Because they didn’t want to ruin / What it was that was brewin’ / Before they absolutely had to - Leave Before the Lights Come On

We’re either shouting or we’re shagging / Locked in tempestuous phase - Too Much to Ask

Although those shoes affect your step / Don’t forget whose legs you’re on - Don’t Forget Whose Legs You’re On

I can feign excitement fluidly as solid as I can busk shock - Fright Lined Dining Room

Nice try / You cannot turn away but nice try / Turns your legs to little building blocks / And with his index finger flicks you on your socks - Catapult

The Last Shadow Puppets

Best mates: Alex Turner and Miles Kane (Getty)

He’s worried she’s waiting in his dreams / To drag him back to the meeting place / His love had left him there - Meeting Place, The Age of the Understatement

The colourama in your eyes / It takes me on a moonlight drive - Aviation, Everything You’ve Come to Expect

So what’s the wish? He’ll make it come true / As simple as a line out of a doo wop tune - Miracle Aligner, Everything You’ve Come to Expect

And as your shrinking figure blows a kiss / I’ll catch and smash it on my lips - Sweet Dreams TN, Everything You’ve Come to Expect