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I don't work so much as wallow in my own sense of satisfaction while living off this sweet settlement I got from the time I swallowed a lug nut in the bottom of a bottle of Mountain Dew Red. But when I did work and had to go to interviews, I recall pretty much always lying in said interviews. I like to think you do it, too.

There are varying degrees of dishonesty that occur during interviews, and while some people make up work history, references, skills, family, and even endearing qualities, we'll ignore them for now, because those people are so advanced at lying that if I were to expose them here and now they'd likely have me pushing up daisies by the end of the week and just tell the authorities that I probably committed suicide by kissing that outboard motor with my hands tied behind my back and people would believe them because they lie really, really well. People like my mother. No, the lies we care about here are the ones you'll tell when asked, "Why do you want to work here?"

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Has anyone ever honestly answered that question in an interview? It's amazing that when the HR person interviewing you asks it, you don't both wink and high-five while laughing and pissing off a rooftop onto elderly people in a pool, or whatever it is kids do when engaging in underhanded shenanigans these days. Of course no one answers it honestly, because the reason you want to work at Old Navy is not because you have a raging hard-on for khakis and rearranging creepy mannequin families, it's because you're flat ass broke, and 50 percent of all the Old Navy employees you've ever met seem to be at least half chimp, so you think you can really excel there.