FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT

In the wake of recent events, Scotty from Marketing has confirmed that it is way too soon to be talking about this kind of thing.

In a brief statement on Thursday afternoon, a clearly agitated Scotty reiterated that there would be no further discussion on the matter in the short to medium term.

“When something like this happens, the last thing you want to do is rush out to score cheap political points by talking about what happened and planning some form of response,” said Scotty from Marketing.

“Out of respect for all those who have been affected by this thing, we should take no immediate action”.

Concerned residents outside the hastily-convened press conference seemed skeptical about the government’s lack of action to combat the situation.

“This is bullshit” said married father of 3 Rodney Harley.

“He’s just postponing any actual response to the thing until everyone has forgotten about it. Then, if anyone mentions it he’ll just say that the whole problem can be traced to the actions of previous governments. It’s alright for him, he’s not even affected by this at all”.

However, the 29th Australian Prime Minister to not be kidnapped by a Chinese submarine disagrees.

“That’s not true at all. This thing is very important to me and all Australians” said Scotty from Marketing, pointing to a large pie chart to clarify his position “and we are doing the best we can to fix up this mess that was entirely caused by the previous Labor government”.