Rules of Conflict, American Military Style

The Rules of Conflict, according to the various American forces...

US Army Rules

Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough. Have a plan. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4." Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.) Use cover or concealment as much as possible. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot...

Navy SEAL's Rules

Look very cool in sunglasses. Kill every living thing within view. Adjust speedo. Check hair in mirror.

US Army Rangers Rules

Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving. Locate individuals requiring killing. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.

Marine Corps Rules

Curse bitterly when receiving operational order. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee. Curse bitterly. Curse bitterly Do not listen to 2nd Lieutenants, it can get you killed. Curse bitterly!

US Air Force Rules

Have a cocktail. Adjust temperature on air conditioner. See what's on HBO. Ask "what is a gunfight?" Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" Power Point presentation. Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally. Hurry to make 13:45 tee time. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.

US Navy Rules

Go to Sea. Drink Coffee. Deploy Marines

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