Trevor Noah: ‘Does he, like, sneak Eric into the shipment?’

“In a normal administration, an impeachment inquiry would be enough drama on its own,” said Trevor Noah on The Daily Show. “But the Trump presidency is like a Black Friday sale happening at the Fyre festival – pure chaos.”

That chaos has erupted overseas, particularly in Turkey’s military offensive in northern Syria. The invasion stemmed from Trump’s decision, after a call with Turkey’s strongman president, Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, to remove US troops from the region, leaving America’s Kurdish allies exposed. In a rare moment of consensus in Washington, the decision was roundly condemned by “Republicans, Democrats, Fox News,” said Noah. “Even the Joker was like, ‘All right, I love chaos, but this shit is insane.’”

From the Ukraine scandal to Syria, Trump’s presidency continues to be more chaotic than a Black Friday sale at Fyre Festival. pic.twitter.com/vMHM313wnw — The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) October 15, 2019

“Donald Trump is the only person who could find a way to make the Middle East more chaotic,” summarized Noah. “Turkey invading, Kurds fleeing, Isis escaping? The Middle East was already a geopolitical Jenga tower with everyone trying to figure out the right move, and then Donald Trump comes in and he’s like: ‘What if we move the whole table?’”

Trump has justified his decision as part of a larger plan to bring US troops home. “And that makes sense,” said Noah. “What doesn’t make sense is that home seems to be another country in the Middle East.” Noah referred to Trump’s recent announcement that he’s sending 2,800 troops “and other stuff” to Saudi Arabia in exchange for money.

The pay-for-military move is “a first,” said Noah. “I don’t think America has ever rented out its military before.” Plus there’s the “other things” bit, leaving Noah to wonder: “Does he, like, sneak Eric into the shipment?”

For answers, Noah turned to the Daily Show’s “senior correspondent” Desi Lydic in a bit of faux reporting on America’s hypocrisy in the Middle East. “President Trump is just fulfilling his promise to pull US troops out of the Middle East,” she told Noah. “It’s refreshing. A lot of men say they’ll pull out, but they don’t.”

Noah wondered if that was making the region more of a “shitshow,” to which she responded: “The Middle East has always been a shitshow. It’s like a Waffle House after 1am. It’s not America’s job to get involved.” It’s a nuanced situation – “not something America can solve”.

But moving troops to Saudi Arabia? “It’s the Middle East! It’s America’s job to get involved!” Lydic said. “It has so much potential – it’s like a Waffle House at 8am.” The country presents a “nuanced, complicated situation that only America can solve”.

By moving troops into Saudi Arabia, Trump has “another opportunity to pull America’s troops out of the Middle East,” Lydic concluded. “Because you can’t pull them out if don’t keep thrusting them back in.”

Jimmy Kimmel: ‘Melting like a creamsicle in July’

“Make no mistake: the president is melting down like a creamsicle in July,” said Jimmy Kimmel, referring to the president’s threat of suing House intelligence committee chair Adam Schiff and House majority leader Nancy Pelosi over their impeachment inquiry. “Which you can’t do,” said Kimmel. “And not only that – who’s he going to get to sue them? All his lawyers are either in jail or going there soon.”

Trump has even been feuding with Fox News about what he called unfair coverage. It’s especially notable since Fox anchor Shephard Smith announced his surprise departure from the network on Friday. Smith was “one of the only reasons they could use the word ‘news’ after Fox with a straight face,” said Kimmel, “and now he’s gone.”

Meanwhile, Trump has been shilling for votes for former press secretary Sean Spicer on Dancing with the Stars, tweeting: “Vote for good guy Sean Spicer tonight on Dancing with the Stars. He has always been there for us!”

“And that might be his greatest abuse of power yet,” joked Kimmel.