Catholic priest: I have a family member who is gay

At a national conference in Plymouth, Catholic leaders spoke out Wednesday against same-gender sexual relations, claiming it’s harmful and unnatural, but added that the Catholic Church must reach out to those with same-sex attractions.

At the conference, a popular Catholic priest in metro Detroit, the Rev. John Riccardo of Our Lady of Good Counsel Parish in Plymouth, told about how a family member of his wrestles with how to deal with a gay child.

The three-day conference, titled “Welcoming and Accompanying Our Brothers and Sisters with Same-Sex Attraction,” concluded with a mass led by Detroit Archbishop Allen Vigneron, the religious leader of 1.3 million Catholics in metro Detroit. In his homily to about 400 participants at the conference, Vigneron strongly defended the Catholic Church’s teachings on sexuality.

Other speakers gave explicit talks about sexuality, saying that gay sex is destructive. The conference was criticized by liberal Catholics, including several protesters who gathered Tuesday outside the conference to criticize its message.

“It’s not being a bigot” to say that people should not have sexual relations with people of the same gender, Vigneron told people inside the chapel during mass Wednesday at the Inn at St. John’s, a former seminary, in Plymouth.

He praised the Catholic clergy and lay people who attended the conference, saying they are helping people with same-sex attraction learn “how to grow in chaste continence ... share in the chastity of Jesus Christ. That’s the goal.”

“Some people think we’re a bunch of Queen Victorians ... prissy,” Vigneron said. “A bunch of blue-stockings. No.”

Rather, Catholics are bringing the “good news” of the gospel and Jesus Christ, he said. He compared leading gays out of same-sex relations to Moses leading people out of slavery in Egypt.

“People think we’re old-fashioned,” Vigneron said. “We’re not. We’re subversive. We’re undermining an established order.”

In his talk to fellow clergy and others, Riccardo discussed how to talk about gay issues. He said the issue comes up when he meets with young people.

“This is the question which is asked by junior-high kids: Why does God hate gays?” Riccardo said. Riccardo said he responds in terms that can relate to younger folks without being too explicit.

“Here’s the image that I use,” Riccardo said. He said he tells the students, what if ‘I just rip open a bagel, I take it, and I cram it in my ear. What would you say?’

He said, the kids respond: “That doesn’t go there.”

“I say, ‘Exactly.’ ”

“That will ruin your ear canal,” Riccardo said.

At the same time, Riccardo said the church must be open to gays and not close off the church, citing the example of a family member who “loves the Lord deeply” and has a gay child who has a gay partner.

Riccardo said the family member allows the gay partner of her child into her home and doesn’t exclude her. Riccardo said his family member has said: “If this person doesn’t come in my house, they may never hear the gospel. ... I want them to encounter Jesus.”

Riccardo said: “The goal here isn’t going from being gay to being straight. The goal here is going from not knowing Jesus to knowing Jesus.”

Riccardo is well known in the archdiocese for his speaking and charisma. He has podcasts online that are listened to by many Catholics.

Riccardo said it’s important to reach out to gays, because “if we don’t find a way to do that, then we’re going to have a ghetto and put walls around us and no one is going to come in.”

At the same time, his family member “is very firm and clear with her child,” Riccardo said. She said she tells her child “when you are here, you will not sleep together (with your gay partner) ... because I think that’s harmful and here are the reasons why.”

Riccardo urged Catholic clergy to see people as individuals.

“Jesus doesn’t see crowds ... God sees people,” Riccardo said.

In his talk, Riccardo added that the Catholic Church sees gay sex as just one of a list of improper actions, such as viewing pornography.

Other speakers also warned against same-gender sexual relations, saying it can lead to diseases. Dr. Timothy Flanigan delivered a lecture titled “HIV and Other Health Risks Associated with Men Who Have Sex with Men.”

He said “male sex, anal sex facilitates the spread of all sorts of diseases ... bacterial infections, parasitic infections ... anal sex is risky, dangerous. ... And oral sex also carries with it its own risks as well.”

Some of the views expressed the conference brought criticism from some liberal Catholics, such as Tom Nelson, with Fortunate Families, a group of parents of children who are gay. They helped organize Tuesday’s protest. Nelson and his wife, Linda Karle-Nelson, who have a gay son, said they were pleased with Vigneron’s recent softening of his views toward people who support same-sex marriage and receive Communion.

But Tom Nelson said of the conference:

“It’s medieval times all over again. ... If God created people gay, then gay sex seems to be a natural thing.”

The Catholic Church, which teaches that gay sex is disordered, “hasn’t come to speed with the 21st Century,” Nelson said.

The Catholic Church has a “limited knowledge of human sexuality ... they don’t know what they’re talking about.”

The conference came as Pope Francis, known for his more liberal views, prepares to visit next month the U.S. for the first time.

Two years ago, Archbishop Vigneron told the Free Press that any Catholic who supports same-sex marriage should not offer themselves for Communion, saying that would "logically bring shame for a double-dealing that is not unlike perjury.” But this month, he said he doesn't want to steer anyone from Communion and said such decisions should be made on an individual basis.

The conference this week was co-sponsored by the Archdiocese of Detroit, Our Sunday Visitor, a Catholic publishing company, and Courage International, a Catholic group with a metro Detroit chapter that tries to counsel Catholics with same-sex attractions and encourages them to lead chaste lives. Courage articulates the official teachings of the Catholic Church, which rejects labels such as heterosexual and homosexual. Courage says on its website it wants to "move beyond the confines of the homosexual label to a more complete identity in Christ."

Contact Niraj Warikoo: nwarikoo@freepress.com or 313-223-4792. Follow him on Twitter @nwarikoo