I spent 4 years being miserable at a prestigious university in the US. 4 years of having no boundaries between work and life, having no life essentially, gaining weight, losing confidence... constantly paranoid in a toxic environment. I finally quit this year and am working as a chemist for a major pharmaceutical company. The pay is great, twice that I'm used to, and my manager is constantly thanking me for just doing my job.

The thing is, I have a huge PhD shaped hole in my heart and my mind. Rationally, I know the environment I was in was not going to let me thrive in any meaningful way. I needed to leave for my health. There were days when I would be crossing the street and think "is this car hit me I would get two weeks off.."

But now I just dont know who I am any more. I dont know what I'm supposed to work towards. Everything is so much easier now. Days are..simple.

Does anyone else relate ?

Thanks for reading !