Furious Tactics Tim is going to be throwing his gilet around his kitchen when he has a look at the papers. For not only is George Osborne planning to do unspeakable things to the pound coin, Daniel Levy is also planning to shake things up at Tottenham Hotspur again this summer. Levy, see, is pathologically addicted to changing managers and, remembering how well it went the last time Tottenham nicked a manager off Southampton, would like Mauricio Pochettino at White Hart Lane, even though he don't bloody speak no English.

And if he can't make Pochettino the new Glenn Hoddle, then Levy would like outgoing Barcelona manager Tata Martino instead. He's going for an Argentinian vibe this summer. Argentinians are so in at White Hart Lane now – just ask Erik Lamela. Tim, for his part, will just roll up his non-existent sleeves and go about his job in his trademark calm and collected manner.

If Liverpool win the league, it would be a victory for coaching, careful planning, brilliant attacking, never walking alone and expert banner-making. But it would not be a victory for defending. Liverpool's defending has been so comical at times this season that there is a strong case to be made for Kolo Touré, Martin Skrtel, Daniel Agger and Mahmadou Sakho not receiving medals should Luis Suárez and Daniel Sturridge fire them to the title. As such, Brendan Rodgers is mulling over another defensive reshuffle, with Sporting Lisbon and Argentina defender Marcos Rojo currently top of his wishlist.

Nicklas Bendtner, who will be released by Arsenal in the summer, is going to demand £104,000 a week from his next club. Queens Park Rangers will be on the phone shortly.

Standard Liege's striker Michy Batshuayi has announced grand plans for his future on Belgian television, revealing that he would like to join a Premier League club and that Arsenal are his preferred team, if he does say so himself. Everton, Arsenal, Anderlecht and Benfica are all interested in the 20 year old, who has 18 goals this season.

Meanwhile Arsenal are also looking at another Belgian forward, PSV Eindhoven's Zakaria Bakkali, but so are Liverpool and only one of them can have him. Or neither of them. These things don't always come off. We might never hear of Bakkali again.

José Mourinho has no strikers, except for the three strikers he has, and soon he's going to have no strikers, except for the two strikers he'll have once Internazionale nab Fernando Torres from Chelsea.

Everton are going to give Seamus Coleman a new contract in order to ward off interest from Arsenal, Chelsea and Manchester United, while Hannover's Mame Biram Diouf is a target for Cardiff and Stoke, which feels like an appropriate place to end. The day isn't going to get more exciting than that.