One passenger on the Paula Deen and Family cruise is trashing the ship as “a floating nursing home,” and is jokingly begging to be rescued — and the complainer is Deen’s own personal assistant and creative director, Brandon Branch. In a series of tweets that began even before Royal Caribbean’s Mariner of the Seas left Galveston, Texas, on Sunday, Branch whined, “My room is also the size of my powder room at home. And no liquor in minibar! I am in a dark place!!!!” Branch, tweeting as @BrandonSav, then asked a friend to jump in a plane and rescue him. “I am in position! Lower the rope!!!!! You should be here with us! Everyone is 80 and up!” The Mississippi native continued: “The Senior Singers are all on board wearing matching red shirts! If they start singing I will jump overboard!” His last tweet said, “Over this cruise! Trapped! Crazied! Help!!!!” The ship left Cozumel, Mexico, yesterday after stops in Honduras and Belize. The cruise ends tomorrow. We can’t wait for Branch’s full report — unless Deen throws him overboard.