Polls show that two-thirds of Americans disapprove of the way the president is handling the war in Iraq; in a recent New York Times/CBS News survey, a majority said Mr. Bush’s troop buildup was having no impact, or making things worse. The White House pays close attention to military families, an important constituency, yet surveys, including a New York Times/CBS News poll in September, have also shown an erosion of support for the war among them.

Yet, White House aides and nine families who have met with Mr. Bush said dissent was rare in the sessions. The meetings are deeply private — the administration never reveals names of participants — and just one senior official attends, to take notes.

That official, who would speak only anonymously, said the “overwhelming number of families talk about the good their loved one felt they were doing.” This official said families were not screened; when Mr. Bush is traveling, the Pentagon finds local families for him to meet. And not all the meetings are cordial; in 2004, one mother, Cindy Sheehan, met with Mr. Bush and later complained that he had been dismissive of her. She went on to start a political crusade against the war. Other family members have expressed discontent, including Elaine Johnson of Spartanburg, S.C., who said she asked Mr. Bush in her meeting why soldiers like her son, Darius Jennings, were still dying in Iraq. She subsequently began speaking out against the war.

Mr. Bush also meets families in connection with Iraq-related ceremonies and speeches, where war supporters make up the audience. John Ellsworth, vice president of Families United, a support group that backs Mr. Bush, has been invited to three White House events in the past seven months; each time, he, his wife, Debbie, and their daughter, Jessica, 12, have met Mr. Bush.

Tears are a big part of presidential family meetings; Mr. Ellsworth, whose son, Justin, died in Iraq in 2004, called Mr. Bush “a big softie.” Since the day in September 2001 that he stood on a charred fire truck with a bullhorn in the smoldering ruins of the World Trade Center, much has been made of Mr. Bush’s role as comforter in chief. He has consoled victims of floods, wildfires and tornadoes. But in his family meetings, the comforting works both ways.

Kevin Graves of the Northern California town of Discovery Bay waited two hours during a South Lawn picnic to tell Mr. Bush “it was an honor for my son to serve under you as commander in chief.” Amy Galvez of Salt Lake City told Mr. Bush that “as a mom who lost a son in this war, it’s easier for me to handle because I believe you are sincere.”