"I don't know how you sleep at night." "How are you able to function normally?" "Don't you worry yourself sick?" "Are you scared your kids will want to be cops, too?"

"I could never be married to a cop."





I've heard it all, and more. It never gets easier to have friends and family ask you these questions. The answers I need to give are never easy.





It seems like every day in 2019 has been full of tragedy and heartache for the Blue Line Family. That's because it has. We've been in mourning every single day of this new year. Turning on the TV every day has become dreadful. Logging into Facebook is no longer something I look forward too. It's become something that I see people use to bash my husbands profession and express how much they hate the people that care so much about them... whether they want to believe that or not. Police Officers are not Police Officers for the money. They are Police Officers because they want to make a difference and because they want to protect people and help people that cannot help themselves.





These are men and women who are literally putting their lives on the line for you - to protect you. How did this get forgotten?





I get it. There are bad apples in every batch. But not every apple in every batch is bad.





My husband and I don't talk about the shootings.

We don't talk about the car wrecks.

We don't talk about the men and women who are simply walking to their cars and are gunned down in uniform.

We don't talk about the K9s who are killed in the line of duty.





It's heavy.





Can you fathom the thought of kissing your loved one every night knowing that there is a possibility they might not come home? Not because of a freak accident. But because someone hated him/her enough to decide to end their life.





LEO families do it every day. It's just something we have to face.





I am a cops wife. I am a mother of one boy and another boy on the way. It would be my greatest joy to have them grow up and want to be just like daddy. But it haunts me.





Every night I kiss my husband goodbye and say 'Be Safe.' His reply can only be 'I will try.' Its the hardest thing I do every day. Something that should be so simple is so difficult.





That goodbye kiss or that last phone call before shift has to be enough until I see his face the next morning. I am constantly waiting for that door to open and for him to walk inside.





I have to choose to believe that God will keep him safe. I have to trust his training. I have to believe the person he calls for back up will always have his back and be there as soon as he/she is needed. I have to focus on other things. I have to not watch the news. I have to keep my mind busy. I have to be his support. I am his support. And I will always be his support.





The hate they feel, as spouses, feel it too. We take it more personal. We are defensive and we are mad and we are sick of seeing our family in body bags because people misunderstand what a police officers job really is.





We are mourning and we are scared.





All our officers want is to make it home after every shift. Can we not allow them at least that peace?





Stop killing our family.





Love,





A scared and fed up wife of a great freaking Police Officer





Sending love and prayers to all of these Hero's families:

Master Police Officer Joseph William Shinners

Provo Police Department, UT

EOW: Saturday, January 5, 2019

Cause: Gunfire

Police Officer Dale James Woods

Colerain Township Police Department, OH

EOW: Monday, January 7, 2019

Cause: Struck by vehicle

Police Officer Clayton Joel Townsend

Salt River Police Department, TR

EOW: Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Cause: Struck by vehicle

Police Officer Natalie Becky Corona

Davis Police Department, CA

EOW: Thursday, January 10, 2019

Cause: Gunfire

Trooper Christopher Lambert

Illinois State Police, IL

EOW: Saturday, January 12, 2019

Cause: Struck by vehicle

Sergeant Wytasha Carter

Birmingham Police Department, AL

EOW: Sunday, January 13, 2019

Cause: Gunfire

K9 Haas

Duluth Police Department, MN

EOW: Sunday, January 13, 2019

Cause: Gunfire





Mobile Police Department, AL

EOW: Sunday, January 20, 2019

Cause of Death: Gunfire