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This weekend I am taking extra time to give myself compassion. I hit some setbacks to reaching my goal of running the DC Rock & Roll Marathon this March with a decent finish time.

Since mid-September I’ve been struggling with IT Band Syndrome and about a week before Thanksgiving, I was seeing enough progress with the injury that I decided to officially register for the marathon and make it my victorious return to the sport. But unfortunately it has started to get worse again, despite my being very careful about not overdoing it and following my healing regimen.

On those days {yesterday} when I go out for a run and after 3 miles have to stop for the pain, it’s hard not to think about those triumphant long runs of years past. Like my freshman year of college, when my friends and I decided on a Friday night that the next day we would run the 35 miles to Annapolis to see the boat show. A 5 am wakeup time (college freshmen!!), 7 hours and two stops later, we made it to Annapolis and honestly could have cared less about the boat show because the runner’s high was so incredible.

I had a lot of random, crazy runs like that. I always felt like I was only as weak as my will, and my will was (and is) damn strong when it came to distance running. But injuries change everything, and the only thing stopping me from running more than 3 miles yesterday was my stupid IT band. It really does feel like a failure sometimes, especially considering what I’ve done before.

So that’s where the compassion comes in. I need to love my body, and respect myself enough to know that doing my best is enough. After all, it’s my only real option. And look at how many other amazing things are happening in my life. I met the FLOTUS. I get a holiday bonus. I have a wonderful partner and a lovable feline daughter. I’m cooking some pretty dang delicious food in this tiny little kitchen, and thanks to Yup, it’s Vegan I get to share my best creations with others. Yep, it’s a good life. Even if I couldn’t decide tonight that I want to go run to Annapolis tomorrow.

PS. I don’t seem to have any pictures from that epic Annapolis run, but I DID find a pretty sweet picture of me from around that same time frame:

I think that was the day that I won over my partner, J…

And now I’m laughing because 18-year-old me usually ate pizza for both lunch and dinner and would never ever have wanted to eat, or been able to cook, a vegan butternut squash risotto. {ughhh}-year-old me has a different set of struggles, like accepting an injury for what it is. I’m getting there 🙂

Besides, eating non-pizza foods isn’t hard when they taste as decadent and delicious as this butternut squash risotto does. Despite having just finished almost a whole bag of Maple Bacon Kettle Chips (vegan!), J and I found ourselves at the stove, huddled over the saucepan, eating it with the measuring spoons that I already had out. He told me it’s one of the best things to come out of our kitchen, and it’s hard for me to disagree. This dish is wonderful.

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Barley Butternut Squash Risotto with Avocado Basil Cream

Makes ~4 servings

For the risotto:

1/2 of a cooked/peeled medium butternut squash

2/3 c. cooked white beans

1 tb refined coconut oil (or other neutral oil)

1/2 white onion, chopped

1-2 cloves garlic, minced

1 stalk celery, thinly sliced

1 c. uncooked pearl barley

1/2 c. white cooking wine (or any white wine)

1 and 1/2 c. plain, unsweetened almond milk (or other nondairy milk)

(optional) 3-4 drops liquid smoke

2+ c. vegetable broth, room temperature or warm

1 tsp dried oregano

1 tsp smoked paprika

2 tb white balsamic vinegar (or regular balsamic, or 1 tb white wine vinegar)

freshly ground black pepper & salt, to taste

For the avocado basil cream:

1/4 cup silken tofu

1 avocado

a big handful of fresh basil leaves

a pinch of fresh parsley leaves

2 tb freshly squeezed lemon juice

red pepper flakes to taste

Prep the squash and white bean puree. Combine the squash and white beans in a food processor or blender until smooth and set aside.

Start the risotto. Melt the coconut oil in a saucepan over medium heat. When fully melted and warm, add the garlic, onions and celery and sautee until softened, about 5 minutes. Add the barley, stir, and cook for another 3-5 minutes. It’s important not to skimp on this step because sauteeing the grains before adding any liquid is what gives the risotto its signature flavor – the taste of toasted barley is a beautiful thing! Add the squash and white bean puree, cooking wine, almond milk, and liquid smoke, stir, and bring to a boil. Reduce heat back to medium.

Tend to the risotto. Stir the risotto frequently (at least every 3-4 minutes, but you don’t need to obsessively stand over it). Whenever the liquid gets mostly absorbed, add 1/2 cup of vegetable broth. I needed about 2 and 1/2 cups of additional broth, but it will vary. Continue with this until the barley is fully cooked and the risotto has taken on a creamy consistency. Add the oregano, paprika and vinegar, and salt and pepper to taste (I didn’t need much salt, since my cooking wine was seasoned).

Make the avocado basil cream and serve. Combine all ingredients in a blender or food processor until smooth (or as smooth as you can get it). Serve risotto in bowls, with a dollop of cream on top and optionally, additional fresh basil or parsley & black pepper.

Note: It’s best to make the avocado cream right before serving, since the avocado will oxidize and not be as pretty of a green color. When storing it, put a layer of water, oil, or plastic wrap (touching it directly) on top to preserve the color better. For a more vibrant orange color, feel free to add a pinch of ground turmeric or paprika 🙂

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And as I write this, the first snow of the season is falling onto Baltimore. Happy almost-winter =]