So, you’re looking for your kinself?

(A little excerpt from a now-abandoned project, slightly edited from its original format. I thought it would be good to put here, though.)

The search for who you truly are on a human and nonhuman level is simultaneously one of the most aggravating and most liberating parts of knowing yourself as an otherkin. On one hand, you can spend hours a day for several years thinking about your kintype being a magpie but every time you feel your magpie self, you can’t help but think something’s not right or worry “what if I’m not really a magpie because I love magpies so much?” whenever you see one outside your house.

Or, you could spend several hours contemplating being a crow instead, and remembered your biology teacher explaining the differences between crows and ravens, and recalling that magpies are part of the same family. At that point, you’d start wondering which of the three corvids you really are (assuming you’re a corvid–or even a bird–at all).

On the other hand, though, is a deep connection with yourself; a “wholeness” that wasn’t there before accepting your otherkin nature. A void that had been waiting to be filled has been given a name and maybe a place in your private life.

You can rest easy with the knowledge of what you are. You have access to another part of yourself that you can draw on for strength. It’s a part of you, it’s who you are. The years it should take to truly pin down what you are inside (as a person and as otherkin) will be worth it, even if you discover you were wrong about your kintype or even about being otherkin. You learned about yourself and your interactions with the world (at least I’d hope), and that in and of itself is important for life.

But, there’s still the issue of actually finding and narrowing down your massive selection of kintypes if you’re not fully sure of what–or who–you are.

First things first, astral sensations may or may not be indicative of a kintype.

For example, as a kid I had two types of astral shifts. I either felt my tail or my wings, but never at the same time up until my freshman year of high school (but that spawned a whole different mess that I won’t delve into). Because of this, and my general love of sunbathing, I assumed I was a cat with wings (possibly due to my love of the Catwings books, as well) before dropping that around third grade and just pretending to be different animals despite the continuation of feeling astral limbs.

I never associated other habits like sleeping on blanket piles, pretending to have “dragon breath” in the winter, and my early love of collecting foreign currency and “nice rocks” from the local park to be connected since they never coincided with astral feelings.

Also, remember that cameo shifts can and will happen, and you don’t have a new kintype for every new sensation you feel. Thinking every new shift means a new kintype can lead into the dreaded ‘kin-a-week syndrome. While you’re the only one who can determine how many kintypes is “too many”, it’s best to consider other options such as soulbonds or cameo shifts if you find yourself gaining kintypes rapidly. If you only have a single kintype, don’t feel bad! One kintype used to be the only way to go with the community.

Feel proud that you can be the pure essence of whatever (or whoever) it is that makes up your soul. And if you discover another one, don’t sweat it. Everyone makes mistakes. (I know I did.)

If you do have multiple kintypes, they don’t all have to fall into the same category. You can be a lizard, a demon, and Harry Potter. You do not have to be purely otherkin, purely fictionkin, or purely therian. Some will argue about conflicting kintypes, but we all have diverse and often conflicting personalities and interests within ourselves (and I’m talking singlets here–systems/mental collectives are a different matter entirely).

Kintypes are also not relegated to favorites. In fact, a favorite anything requires more in-depth analysis as to whether or not you just really like it or if you’re 'kin. Some people discovered they were an animal or mythic monster they despised, or a character they made fun of or the villain of the plot. Sometimes their outlook on the entity in question changes, sometimes it does not, occasionally leading to self-image issues. The only hard and fast rule about finding your kintype is that there is no hard and fast rule, only suggestions and exercises to try. You really, truly are the only person who can determine your kintype.

Portal