Halloween is a time of dreams, when we can be anything or anyone we choose to be. And the United States of America is a country where we eat big, drive big, and we damn sure dream big. We don’t “dress up” for Halloween. We “be” for Halloween. Kids ask themselves, “What are you going to be for Halloween?” It’s a linguistic tip of the hat to the idea that the spookiest of holidays is for transformation, beyond our earthly means. So… what do you want to be for Halloween?

I want to be an insurance commercial for Halloween!

I want to be a hamburger commercial for Halloween!

I want to be a different insurance commercial for Halloween!

I want to be a different hamburger commercial for Halloween!

Unless you’ve lived without popular media for the last decade, you know who these characters are. And the next time your neighbor says hello, but you don’t know their name (let alone anything about them) remember that you know characters from commercials better than you know the actual people who sleep thirty or fifty feet from you, every night, for years.