"Seriously, it's a laptop that's designed to mount on your steering wheel. Ponder that for a minute. Actually, it probably won't even take you a minute to realize this is the most retarded laptop design we've ever seen. - Jason Chen"

Sr Associate Editor at Large

Theres a new technique emerging in large organisations (and tiny internet blogs no one reads) that's sweeping the nation and make every staffer feel empowered in their position at no extra cost to their employers. Sounds incredible doesn't it? Well read on!

And as with all great innovations, its so simple its impact leaves people scratching their eyes in frustration that they didn't think of it and patent it first. Heres the devilishly simple trick: essentially all you have to do is take an perfectly respectable job title, Editors Assistant, for example, and tack on a lot of empty but important-sounding modifiers to semantically sugar coat the fact that the poor sap concerned is still doing the same job at the same desk for the same money, and will be forever (they got turned down for a job as a real designer you see).

The worker drone, delighted with his longer, faintly ludicrous new sobriquet is then safe in the knowledge that his four-inch business card now describes him as Senior Associate Editor At Large In Charge Of Document Content Generation, and he can get back to work spazzing out baffling, teeth-grittingly ignorant 'articles' with peppered with the sort of doggerel that would get you a detention in GCSE English. (That's probably third grade or junior high or something for you guys in the US)

I can all too easily imagine the great mind quote above opening the link to the laptop in question and staring blankly at the screen for 60 endless seconds before wiping the drool away and tapping with painful slowness into his big colourful Senior Associate Editor keyboard "retarded." And then adding the images without permission to his site.

"I should proofread before I hit the submit button..."

bignaz2k

That's a good idea Naz, but you see there's a problem. Apart from the correct observation that it would impossible to release the steering lock on a parked car with the laptop in situ, every single word you vomited out was brain-fuckingly stupid, including 'and' and 'the.' Still he wasn't as bad as this guy:

"I'm wondering how she even got accepted to design school, let alone awarded an ID degree."

superbad

I know!!! I mean, surely that car you designed with MSPaint was better than this? AND you made a 3d model of it using nothing but construction paper and blu-tak!! Surely that's worth more that some crummy car computer thing isn't it? And yet they keep returning your portfolios! WHAT IS WITH THESE PEOPLE?

"That's a lot of hate. Thank you, Jason Chen, for finding a way to bring it out of me."

s0crates82

Don't worry kids, theres a perfectly rational explanation for this character. His dad was a policeman, and he had a simple computer installed into his cruiser, where such a computer is eminently useful to officers communicating with their base or entering crime scene information. It was the sight of this otherwise innocuous piece of electronics, that s0crates saw bobbing gaily up and down in his peripheral vision as daddy rammed him mercilessly in the back seat of the cop car, gradually obscured by blood as his sobbing face slammed relentlessly against the clear plastic barrier, that forever turned him against laptops in cars.

"PS. my girlfriend, who is not in any way stupid or anything, did not know what a "bookmark" was in relation to a browser, last night."

nutbastard

HA HA HA Are you kidding!? That's crazy. Wow that sure is crazy. Oh man. I mean, you actually expect us to believe you have a girlfriend?