Trump Declares War on Al-Gebra

Oct 27, 2018

The following is an excerpt Trump gave at a rally last night.

COLUMBUS, OH. Friends. There is a new kind of terrorism. The liberals are all in on it. The fake news is in on it. There are reports that it has infiltrated our military, our banks, our automobiles, even our airplanes.

We’re talking of course about Al-Gebra. Maybe you’ve heard of it? Al-Gebra is the biggest threat to good old-fashioned American values since they tried to take away our Hamburgers and French Fries. Did you read about that one? CNN didn’t report it, that’s for sure. These hippies wanted to replace American food in schools with a bunch of salads with like tomato, squash, and corn. Yuck. What kind of America is tomato, squash, and corn? The first thing I commanded Melania to do when we moved in this dump of a White House was to tear out Michelle’s vegetable garden on the South Lawn. It's a putting range now. Bunch of fat salad dummies.

Where was I? Where the... oh right: Al-Gebra is a grave serious threat. It’s coming for you. It’s coming for your kids. Believe me. It’s already in the schools. They are teaching Al-Gebra terrorism to our schools as we speak.

Our kids are studying the same Al-Gebra fundamentalism they use to make bombs. Overpaid teachers are brainwashing our kids to use the same Al-Gebra techniques that crash our stock markets. These liberal terrorists even want it Al-Gebra inside the IRS to take your money. I'm proud to say I’ve used no Al-Gebra in my taxes. But I’m a genius. And a nationalist. Everybody knows that.

Now they even want to use fake Al-Gebra statistics to call me unpopular. Look at the size of this crowd! Does this seem unpopular to you? I’m the most popular president this country has ever seen. Look it up. But not with Al-Gebra lies. Look it up with America. I’m the most popular leader the world has ever known. Believe me. Nobody is more popular in my world than me.

Al-Gebra is trying to divide us. To subtract from our numbers. And these fractions are multiplying at alarming rates. Al-Gebra will only add to your many problems.

But I have a secret weapon, Einstein. And what is that weapon? You all know! It’s me! One plus one equals me! Five times five equals fake news. And 7 billion equals the number of women would let me do whatever I want to with them at a price. Believe me. Ask your wife what’s her price. She has one. And I will gladly pay it.

Yeah yeah yeah shut up and get out of my way as I turn Al-Gebra into zero once and four all.