Does anyone remember the 90s? It seems like a lost decade oft overlooked. Curious, no one is with me on this, given its proximity and the wackadoodle things we gave the go-ahead to, like 3,500 boy/girl bands packed into a mere decade. Not all boy/girl bands have stood the test of time — sorry 5ive and Dream — but the ones that have leave a bit to the imagination when it comes to queer sensibilities. That’s why I’ve used mine to give us the heroes we’ve always needed.

N*SYNC



Justin – The Superstar (Ellen DeGeneres)

J.C. – Justin’s Sidekick (Portia de Rossi)

Chris K. – The One That Seemed Sort Of Over It (Sara Gilbert)

Joey – The Comedian (Wanda Sykes)

Lance – The Squeaky Clean One (Chely Wright)

BACKSTREET BOYS

Howie – The Quiet Softy (Tracy Chapman)

Nick – The Cute N’ Cocky One (Samira Wily)

AJ – The “Bad Boy” (Ruby Rose)

Kevin – Everyone’s Dad (Jodie Foster)

Brian – The Understated Presence (Tig Notaro)

TLC

Left Eye – The Controversial One (Raven Symone)

T-Boz – Cropped & Cool (Halsey)

Chilli – The Girl Next Door (Patricia Velasquez)

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IMMATURE

Batman – The Smooth Dreamboat (AzMarie Livingston)

Romeo – The Shy One With Style (Samantha Ronson)

LDB – The Jokester (Tegan Quin) [LDB doesn’t look like a jokester here or anywhere but I read it in a magazine once.]

Spice Girls

Sporty – The Sporty-In-A-Tailored-Way One (Jackie Warner)

Scary – The Big Personality (Jane Lynch)

Posh – The Aloof One (Cara Delevingne)

Ginger – The Cheeky, Brazen One (Margaret Cho)

Baby – The Adorable One (Faustina “Fuzzy” Agolley)

98 Degrees

Justin – The One That Just Seemed Happy To Be There (Billie Jean King)

Drew – The One With The Hat (Tasha Van Ree)

Nick – The Hunk (Jenny Shimizu)

Jeff – The Harmonizer (The Indigo Girls)

New Kids On The Block

Danny – The One Destined For A Life In Fitness (Jillian Michaels)

Jordan – The Coiffed Cutie (Cameron Esposito)

Joey – The Young Cutie (Ellen Page)

Jonathan – The Sensitive One (Sara Quin)

Donnie – The Wise Guy (Rosie O’Donnell)