The poet and performer on keeping his clothes simple, stapling them back together, and being fashionable once every 15 years for about three months

This is my default look. I operate on a capsule wardrobe because I spend a lot of time on the road, so I ain’t got the whole rainbow spectrum of colours in my luggage. I keep it simple: a dark suit with a pale shirt. Here [at the Contains Strong Language spoken word festival in 2017] I’ve also got a bolo tie, which chimes in with the snakeskin boots by Jeffery West.

I’m obsessed with clothes and I find it very easy to write about them. I’m fashionable once every 15 years, for about three months. My look is very easy to maintain but that wasn’t always the case – in the 80s, I couldn’t find anything. Every time I obtained a tubular Ivy League blazer that didn’t have padded shoulders I had to treat it like it was made out of gold. They were never out of the dry cleaners – I’d only wear them to weddings, funerals and gigs, and I’ve still got them now. Some are held together by staples because the lining’s falling out, but you see them in photoshoots and they still look the business.

In the past, I have worn a more adventurous colour palette – but I’m red/green colour blind so it’s an area of anxiety for me. I’m not a handsome man and it’s damage limitation. I can’t take the credit for anyone emulating my style – everybody copies somebody. My influences are people like Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis – that kind of American, smart, preppy look. Ivy League suits and three button coats – things that you might buy at John Simons. That’s more or less the way I’ve dressed since 1965.

I don’t like low-rise, hipster trousers on men. If anything, I go for a high-waisted trouser – the Simon Cowell – except I wouldn’t attribute it to him, I’d attribute it to flamenco dancers and matadors. I never went for the athleisure thing – I’m not very “ath”! I don’t have a problem with the “leisure” bit though. What do you call my haircut? It’s not really a mullet. It’s Rod Stewart, Ronnie Wood, rock’n’roll. Plus it’s very asexual – you should like that at the Guardian – looks just as right on Joan Jett as it does on Keith Richards. Nobody likes their own hair – but I’m glad I’ve got hair to hate.

John Cooper Clarke is touring now. For details and tickets visit johncooperclarke.com