There’s nothing wrong with being wrapped up in your partner (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Bros before hos, am I right?

Chicks before dicks, or something.

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Apparently, we’re all supposed to prioritise our besties over whoever’s genitals we’re currently diddling.

It’s the standard wisdom – your friends have been there for you for far longer than your latest boy/girlfriend, and so they should come first.


I said the same, back in my younger days, when relationships were generally frivolous and brief.

In fact, the reason most of my relationships were brief is because, frankly, there’s only a limited amount of hours in a week, and I’d have rather spent them with my friends.



And I’ll always think that ditching your friends for a casual hook-up is a bit shady.

But things change when you’re in a serious relationship.

It’s no longer a case of bras before bros – it’s a case of mates before potential-future-father-of-my-children. Which probably isn’t the right way round.

There’s definitely something a little sad about seeing a good friend begin to settle down with a partner.

You know that, while you’ll still be friends, you won’t hold quite the same position in their list of priorities.

It’s especially hard when their position in your list of priorities hasn’t changed.

Are you growing apart, or is your friendship just changing? (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

You feel a bit left behind even though you’re happy for them (unless their new boyfriend is an utter tool, of course).

I’m more used to being in the neglected-but-understanding-friend position than on the other side of the equation.

But when I began seeing my now-fiancé, I knew that it would be serious from the get-go, and that in order to make a success of it I would have to prioritise my relationship in a way I never had before.

It was hard. I miss my friends, and I feel left behind when they do fun single things without me.

But building something – especially with someone who, eventually, will become your new family – is bloody time-consuming.

It’s not like I’ve stopped seeing my friends, but juggling work, home life and relationship doesn’t leave me with as much time for friends as I used to have.

My relationship is in pretty good shape, but that doesn’t mean I can stop working on it.

‘Happy ever after’ is a myth – for a relationship to work, you need to put the time and effort in, on a regular basis, and that does mean making some sacrifices elsewhere in your life.

And, frankly, if you’d rather be with your friends than with your partner, then maybe they’re not the right person for you.

If you’re planning on spending your life with someone, you need to want to SPEND YOUR LIFE with them.

There are definitely times when I need nothing more than to hang out with friends and get some distance from my partner. That’s healthy.

I’m still dependent on my friends for a certain amount of emotional support, as well as just having a damn good time.



I also still do my best to be there for them when they need support.

I don’t love my friends any less than I did before, and they leave me feeling fired-up and loving life whenever I meet up with them.

But these days I’m more likely to turn to my partner for support, or to want to share experiences with him.

It all becomes part of the life we’re building together, as a partnership.

I’m still trying to get the balance right, and I make mistakes, and I’m probably guilty of neglecting my friends more than I should.

But don’t beat yourself up about it if you’re in a serious relationship and you’re worried that you don’t have so much time for your friends – it’s only natural.

MORE: 10 things that happen when your friends move overseas

MORE: 15 things that happen when your friends start having kids

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