Squidward: Welcome to the Krusty Krab. My name is Squidward. May I take your order?

Welcome to the Krusty Krab. My name is Squidward. May I take your order? Clay: Hmmm... uhh... oh, I'll have a... [Squidward takes out a pencil and a paper] ...no. [Squidward puts the pencil and the paper away] Maybe... [takes out the pencil and the paper] ...no. [Squidward puts the pencil and the paper away] Hmmm... I'll have... [takes out the pencil and the paper] ...no. Or maybe...

Hmmm... uhh... oh, I'll have a... ...no. Maybe... ...no. Hmmm... I'll have... ...no. Or maybe... Squidward: Are you planning on ordering today, sir?

Are you planning on ordering today, sir? Clay: I'll have a Krabby Patty. [Squidward writes down order]

I'll have a Krabby Patty. Squidward: How original.

How original. Clay: And with extra onions.

And with extra onions. Squidward: Daring today, aren't we? [takes order and shows SpongeBob] One Krabby Patty, extra onions. [SpongeBob takes piece of paper and puts with the rest of the orders]

Daring today, aren't we? One Krabby Patty, extra onions. SpongeBob: One cryin' Johnny comin' up! [cracks knuckles; adds each ingredient as mentioned] First bun, then patty, followed by ketchup, mustard, pickles, extra onions, lettuce, cheese, tomatoes, and bun, in that order. One cryin' Johnny! Up! [bell rings]

One cryin' Johnny comin' up! First bun, then patty, followed by ketchup, mustard, pickles, extra onions, lettuce, cheese, tomatoes, and bun, in that order. One cryin' Johnny! Up! Squidward: Whatever. [John comes up and tells Squidward what he wants and Squidward relays order to SpongeBob] Twelve Krabby Patties on wheat buns! [SpongeBob takes a plate and patties begin to appear on the plate]

Whatever. Twelve Krabby Patties on wheat buns! SpongeBob: [at rapid speed] Bun, patty, ketchup, tomato, bun, bun, patty, ketchup, tomato, bun, bun, patty, ketchup, tomato, bun, bun, patty, ketchup, tomato, bun, bun, patty, ketchup, tomato, bun. One dozen cryin' cows on the farm! Up! [Squidward takes the plate]

Bun, patty, ketchup, tomato, bun, bun, patty, ketchup, tomato, bun, bun, patty, ketchup, tomato, bun, bun, patty, ketchup, tomato, bun, bun, patty, ketchup, tomato, bun. One dozen cryin' cows on the farm! Up! Squidward: Thanks, Farmer Brown. [gives the plate to John] It's been a thrill serving you.

Thanks, Farmer Brown. It's been a thrill serving you. John: Can I get some extra salt?

Can I get some extra salt? Squidward: We're all out.

We're all out. John: Could you check?

Could you check? Squidward: No. [John glares at Squidward as he leaves. Bubble Bass walks up to order] Let me guess, tiny, a small salad?

No. Let me guess, tiny, a small salad? Bubble Bass: I'll take a Double Triple Bossy Deluxe on a raft, four by four, animal-style, extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it, and let it swim. [Squidward gives up writing all of that down]

I'll take a Double Triple Bossy Deluxe on a raft, four by four, animal-style, extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it, and let it swim. Squidward: We serve food here, sir. [SpongeBob shows Squidward he has already gotten the order done]

We serve here, sir. SpongeBob: I got it already, Squidward. [gasps] Bubble Bass!

I got it already, Squidward. Bubble Bass! Bubble Bass: [pushes Squidward away] SquarePants! [walks to SpongeBob] I hear talk you make a mean Krabby Patty.

SquarePants! I hear talk you make a mean Krabby Patty. SpongeBob: [staring at Bubble Bass] Yep. I hear talk you're kinda picky.

Yep. I hear talk you're kinda picky. Bubble Bass: Yep.

Yep. SpongeBob: Well then... here ya go! [Bubble Bass takes the plate and sits down where he examines the Krabby Patty until he decides to take a bite] Well, Bubble Bass, whaddaya think?

Well then... here ya go! Well, Bubble Bass, whaddaya think? Bubble Bass: This is pretty good. Only one thing. You forgot the pickles! [shows no pickles on the patty]

This is pretty good. Only one thing. You forgot the pickles! Crowd: [gasp]

SpongeBob: No!

No! Bubble Bass: The best there is? I don't think so. You lose! [laughs]

The best there is? I don't think so. You lose! SpongeBob: [checks patty for pickles] But, the pickles should be right where they always are. I know I put them on! [customers are disappointed; tears the patty apart, finding the pickles] Where are those pickles? Pickles? Pickles? Pickles? [Bubble Bass walks up to Mr. Krabs, but also throws Squidward out of the way again]

But, the pickles should be right where they always are. I know I put them on! Where are those pickles? Pickles? Pickles? Pickles? Bubble Bass: I believe you owe me two bucks.

I believe you owe me two bucks. Mr. Krabs: Two bucks?!

Two bucks?! Bubble Bass: Your guarantee. [points to the menu where in tiny print it says 'money-back guarantee']

Your guarantee. Mr. Krabs: Oh. That. Well, can't we talk about this? [takes out two dollars and Bubble Bass grabs it]

Oh. That. Well, can't we talk about this? Bubble Bass: No.

No. Mr. Krabs: [pulls money back] How about a discount on restroom tokens? [Bubble Bass takes money back]

How about a discount on restroom tokens? Bubble Bass: Afraid not.

Afraid not. Mr. Krabs: How's about a free glass of water? A dozen free glasses of water! I'll even put ice in it! [Bubble Bass walks out the Krusty Krab with the money] No! Come back! Two dollars! Two dollars, no! No! [walks over to SpongeBob]

How's about a free glass of water? A dozen free glasses of water! I'll even put ice in it! No! Come back! Two dollars! Two dollars, no! No! SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I know I put pickles on that Krabby Patty.

Mr. Krabs, I know I put pickles on that Krabby Patty. Mr. Krabs: [grabs SpongeBob] That two bucks is comin' out of your paycheck! [SpongeBob tries to hang onto the floor]

That two bucks is comin' out of your paycheck! SpongeBob: Wait! Wait! Wait! [Mr. Krabs throws SpongeBob into the kitchen]

Wait! Wait! Wait! Mr. Krabs: Get back to work, we got orders waitin'!

Get back to work, we got orders waitin'! Squidward: I need a Krabby Patty.

I need a Krabby Patty. SpongeBob: Okay, I am not gonna blow it this time. Let's see. Bun down. Then ketchup, then mustard, then pickles? No! That's not right! [starts a new patty] Bun down. Mustard, then ketchup, lettuce, then the pickles? No! [tries again] Mustard down, bun stuff down, d'oh, where's the patty go? [tries again and uses the same bun] Pickles, ketchup, wait! Think! Think! I'm losin' it! [tries again] Bun down, shoe, mustard, pan, bun... no! [Mr. Krabs comes in] Mr. Krabs, I am so confused. I can't remember how to do anything.

Okay, I am not gonna blow it this time. Let's see. Bun down. Then ketchup, then mustard, then pickles? No! That's not right! Bun down. Mustard, then ketchup, lettuce, then the pickles? No! Mustard down, bun stuff down, d'oh, where's the patty go? Pickles, ketchup, wait! Think! Think! I'm losin' it! Bun down, shoe, mustard, pan, bun... no! Mr. Krabs, I am so confused. I can't remember how to do anything. Mr. Krabs: Why don't you take the rest of the day off?

Why don't you take the rest of the day off? SpongeBob: Oh, no, Mr. Krabs. Who will make the Krabby Patties?

Oh, no, Mr. Krabs. Who will make the Krabby Patties? Mr. Krabs: Oh, don't worry about that. We've got Squidward!

Oh, don't worry about that. We've got Squidward! Squidward: Huh? What? [SpongeBob walks out and goes home]

Huh? What? SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs is right. I need to get my head straight. Now is it bun, patty, ketchup... [looks up and notices door is not there] The door! The door! Mr. Krabs, the front door is missing! [Mr. Krabs opens door a couple feet away] Oh. [laughs] Sorry about that, Mr. Krabs. This pickle thing has got my head all messed up. I better go on home and rest my brain. [walks out] Uhh, which way do I live? [Mr. Krabs points the path] Of course. [laughs. Later, we see SpongeBob in his house trying to write down the formula] No, no! Was it bun, patty, bun... Let's see, tomatoes, pickles, bun? No. Bun? No. Bun? No. Shoe? [throws paper and pencil away] I am so confused! Maybe a good night's sleep will help me get my head on straight. [at night]

Mr. Krabs is right. I need to get my head straight. Now is it bun, patty, ketchup... The door! The door! Mr. Krabs, the front door is missing! Oh. Sorry about that, Mr. Krabs. This pickle thing has got my head all messed up. I better go on home and rest my brain. Uhh, which way do I live? Of course. No, no! Was it bun, patty, bun... Let's see, tomatoes, pickles, bun? No. Bun? No. Bun? No. Shoe? I am so confused! Maybe a good night's sleep will help me get my head on straight. SpongeBob: Oh... was it mattress, mattress, sheets, pillow, then SpongeBob? Or... [hits his head with his fist] D'oh... think, Sponge! Oh yeah! It was mattress, SpongeBob, mattress, then sheets, pillow. [gets in between the two mattresses] Good night, Gary.

Oh... was it mattress, mattress, sheets, pillow, then SpongeBob? Or... D'oh... think, Sponge! Oh yeah! It was mattress, SpongeBob, mattress, then sheets, pillow. Good night, Gary. Gary: Meow.

Meow. SpongeBob: Aw, this isn't right. [he slips out and stands upside-down on his bed] Good night, Gary.

Aw, this isn't right. Good night, Gary. Gary: Meow.

Meow. SpongeBob: Wait, this isn't right either. [SpongeBob lays down on his back] Nope. [SpongeBob is between each railing of the ladder] Nuh-uh. [tries sleeping with a mattress on his head] Negative. [tries sleeping on the ground next to his mattresses] C'mon, c'mon! Get it right. [tries in the lifesaver] Wrong. Wrong! Wrong! Nope! Naw! Negatory! Nyet! [keeps doing the wrong things as the clock fast-forwards to morning and the rooster crows where the alarm goes off. SpongeBob is under all three mattresses on the floor] Aww, I almost had it! Alarm clock. D'oh, how do I turn this thing off? Think, think, think, think!

Wait, this isn't right either. Nope. Nuh-uh. Negative. C'mon, c'mon! Get it right. Wrong. Wrong! Wrong! Nope! Naw! Negatory! Nyet! Aww, I almost had it! Alarm clock. D'oh, how do I turn this thing off? Think, think, think, think! Gary: Meow.

Meow. SpongeBob: Gary! [picks up Gary and shoves him in the foghorn alarm where it is still going off. At The Krusty Krab]

Gary! Squidward: [there is black smoke coming from kitchen. Squidward clears the smoke off with a fire extinguisher] Patties are done. [Mr. Krabs notices black, burnt patties and gets irritated]

Patties are done. Mr. Krabs: Urrgh! [Turns backwards from the counter after hearing customers starting to complain]

Urrgh! Unknown Anchovy: Hey, he burnt my Krabby Patty.

Hey, he burnt my Krabby Patty. Martha: He burnt my fries!

He burnt my fries! Billy: [Briefly drinks his burnt shake until realizing it is burnt.] He burnt my shake!

He burnt my shake! All customers: [all yelling and mumbling]

Mr. Krabs: No! Come back! No! No! Urrgh... I gotta get SpongeBob back!

No! Come back! No! No! Urrgh... I gotta get SpongeBob back! [cuts to SpongeBob's house, he nailed a toaster to the door]

Mr. Krabs: [opens door] SpongeBob?

SpongeBob? [music playing in reverse; the house is a total disaster as everything is misplaced and things are everywhere and opposite.]

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob!

SpongeBob! SpongeBob: [now he has underwear on his head] Mr. Krabs, hello. Do you how do?

Mr. Krabs, hello. Do you how do? Mr. Krabs: Why you talkin' funny, lad? [takes the underwear off SpongeBob's head]

Why you talkin' funny, lad? SpongeBob: I anything can't do right since because pickles.

I anything can't do right since because pickles. Mr. Krabs: Nonsense, you'll be back makin' Krabby Patties like your old self in no time!

Nonsense, you'll be back makin' Krabby Patties like your old self in no time! SpongeBob: I think don't ready back to go to work, Mr. Krabs. [walks off]

I think don't ready back to go to work, Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs: But you're fine, me boy! [SpongeBob walks right through the wooden kitchen door] Ohh... uhh, well... maybe not. [walks into the kitchen where SpongeBob is nailing a piece of bread to the table] All we need to do is get your confidence back. So, you can make me more money! I-I-I mean, patties. [chuckles]

But you're fine, me boy! Ohh... uhh, well... maybe not. All we need to do is get your confidence back. So, you can make me more money! I-I-I mean, patties. SpongeBob: I how do that?

I how do that? Mr. Krabs: It's like riding a bike. You never forget! [notices a bike in a boiling pot of water on the stove] Uhh... I'm gonna help ya! [shown both of them sitting on the ground in SpongeBob's living room] If you learn to make a Krabby Patty again, your life will be back in order. [takes out a blanket with all the ingredients on it]

It's like riding a bike. You never forget! Uhh... I'm gonna help ya! If you learn to make a Krabby Patty again, your life will be back in order. SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I don't know if I...

Mr. Krabs, I don't know if I... Mr. Krabs: Take your time. [SpongeBob thinks of the Krabby Patty formula. It soon turns to night then day again. SpongeBob reaches for a bun and Mr. Krabs gets excited. SpongeBob puts bun back down]

Take your time. SpongeBob: No, no, no, no, no. [Day becomes night again. Then day again and then night again. Mr. Krabs is sleeping until SpongeBob wakes him up] I got it! I got it! It's all very clear to me now, Mr. Krabs!

No, no, no, no, no. I got it! I got it! It's all very clear to me now, Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs: It is?

It is? SpongeBob: Yes! I finally realize that I can't do it! I can't do it, Mr. Krabs! I'm a failure!

Yes! I finally realize that I can't do it! I can't do it, Mr. Krabs! I'm a failure! Mr. Krabs: Don't talk like that!

Don't talk like that! SpongeBob: Don't you get it, you crustaceous cheapskate? I can't make a Double Krabby Patty with the works! [Makes patty as he tells Mr. Krabs the ingredients] I can't put a patty on a bun, with lettuce, cheese, onions, tomatoes, ketchup, mustard, pickles, and top bun together in that order! [notices the Krabby Patty he just made, was in the correct order]

Don't you get it, you crustaceous cheapskate? I can't make a Double Krabby Patty with the works! I can't put a patty on a bun, with lettuce, cheese, onions, tomatoes, ketchup, mustard, pickles, and top bun together in that order! Mr. Krabs: It's time.

It's time. [Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob walk back to the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob rescued Squidward from the burning kitchen and extinguishes him, too.]

Unnamed fish: Hey, SpongeBob's back! [men and women are cheering]

Hey, SpongeBob's back! Bubble Bass: I hear SquarePants is back! [SpongeBob opens the kitchen door]

I hear SquarePants is back! SpongeBob: I'm right here, Bubble Bass.

I'm right here, Bubble Bass. Bubble Bass: I thought I ran you out of town. [spits a loogie into a bucket]

I thought I ran you out of town. SpongeBob: This is where I belong! [holds up bubbles and blows one] .

This is where I belong! . Bubble Bass: [Gives a weird sounding roar]

SpongeBob: Rawr.

Rawr. [The crowd gasps. SpongeBob and Bubble Bass glare at each other, while Mr. Krabs is sweating with anticipation]

Bubble Bass: Give me the regular. And this time, don't forget the pickles.

Give me the regular. And this time, don't forget the pickles. SpongeBob: [rushes into the kitchen and comes back with a Krabby Patty in the blink of an eye] I didn't.

I didn't. [Mr. Krabs is violently sweating as Bubble Bass examines and eats the patty]

Bubble Bass: Hmm... ...Still no pickles! [SpongeBob notices] See? [sticks out his tongue with all the chewed up food on it. Everyone is getting sick at the sight of it and they’re disgusted] You failed again, SpongeBob LoserPants! [laughs]

Hmm... ...Still no pickles! See? You failed again, SpongeBob LoserPants! SpongeBob: [looks at Bubble Bass's mouth] Wait a minute! [grabs Bubble Bass' tongue and pulls it out] Look! [shows four pickles under Bubble Bass' tongue] He's been hiding the pickles under his tongue the whole time!

Wait a minute! Look! He's been hiding the pickles under his tongue the whole time! Mr. Krabs: And there's the pickles from last time, too!

And there's the pickles from last time, too! Shubie: And there's my car keys! [everyone walks up to Bubble Bass, all glaring at him]

And there's my car keys! Bubble Bass: And... there's my ride! [runs out the Krusty Krab]

And... there's my ride! Mr. Krabs: Three cheers for the return of our master fry cook, SpongeBob! Hip hip...

Three cheers for the return of our master fry cook, SpongeBob! Hip hip... All: Hooray!

Hooray! Squidward: Hooray.

Hooray. Mr. Krabs: Hip hip...

Hip hip... All: Hooray!

Hooray! Squidward: Whoop-de-doo.

Whoop-de-doo. Mr. Krabs: Hip hip...

Hip hip... All: Hooray!

Hooray! Squidward: Oh, boy.

Oh, boy. SpongeBob: And three cheers for the fry cook who took my place when I was gone: Squidward! [Squidward smiles] Hip hip...

And three cheers for the fry cook who took my place when I was gone: Squidward! Hip hip... All: Boo! [Squidward is shocked and frowns. The frown becomes more droopier with each "Boo"]

Boo! SpongeBob: Hip hip...

Hip hip... All: Boo! [Scene changes to outside of the Krusty Krab]

Boo! SpongeBob: Hip hip...

Hip hip... All: Boo!

Boo! SpongeBob: Hip hip...

Hip hip... Customer: Boo! You stink!

This article is aof theepisodefrom season one , which aired on August 21