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Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? What an up-to-date cultural reference! It only arrived on our screens a mere 15 years ago. So big-up to the happening hepcats at Nivea for basing their new ad on this so-hot-right-now phenomenon. What next? A campaign strategy themed around Henry Kelly's Going For Gold? This quizzical ad plugs a deodorant that's (SCIENCE BIT INCOMING) "proven to protect in stressful situations". We open on a lady in box-fresh white undies spritzing her armpits, then looking back over her shoulder. Cheeky. Cut to a Millionaire-style studio. Aha, pearly-white pants lady must be appearing on a nerve-wracking, high-stakes quiz show. No wonder she's worried about wet patches under the studio lights.

Wait, there's a twist. A terrible, twatty twist. Turns out our heroine's not doing the quiz. Her Roger Federer lookalike fella is. She's just doting on him from the audience, while mentally working out how to spend his winnings (probably on handbags and ponies). "Leave the thinking to me, sweetheart. You sit over there, look pretty and try not to perspire disgustingly." Remind me which millennium we're in? Surely the message would be a squillion times stronger if pants lady were in the hot seat herself? Or at least the power behind it, slyly coughing out correct answers? Perhaps that'd be too stressful for the poppet, and her armpits would start spraying like the Bellagio fountains in Vegas. Needless to say, Mr and Mrs Sexist hit the jackpot, punching the air to reveal admirably arid armpits. Maybe they can spend their million on a time machine to transport them out of the Dark Ages.