Cancelled train a legitimate reason to stay in bed, claims everyone

Having your train cancelled is a perfectly good excuse to spend the day in bed, according to thousands of workers across the country this morning.

With storms now passing much of Southern England, cancelled trains have left many workers with no option but to stay in bed and wait until it is safe to come out.

Office worker Simon Williams told us, “I saw the Amber Weather warning last night, so I texted my boss to say it would be too dangerous to try to get to work.”

“He suggested I work from home, but I’m pretty sure the wind blew away the whole of the Internet. He said that’s not a real thing, but it definitely is. The wind was VERY strong.”

“Now if you don’t mind I must return to the safety of my duvet. If I don’t, I might die.”

Storms passing

Experts have said the storm could prove a record-breaker in terms of the creative excuses used to avoid going to work.

One HR manager said the morning had been full of creative excuses including, ‘leaves on the car’, ‘all clothes blown away’ and ‘I was pulling a funny face and it stuck like that’.

They told us, “If only our employees could apply the creative thinking they use to avoid coming to work to do their jobs, we’d be a billion dollar firm inside a year.”

“As it is we’re just an empty office employing work-shy pricks.”