I need 800k or im going away. (AP Photo/Chris Carlson)

Don’t threaten us dude.

Julian Castro, who has NO RELATION to Fidel or Raul in Cuba other than in the general outlook of how government should meddle in every aspect of your life, needs your help. His campaign is running short on funds being he has spent a lot of money doing….well, I’m not really sure of what he has been doing.

According to Buzzfeed

Presidential candidate Julián Castro said on Monday that he will have to drop out of the Democratic primary if his campaign doesn’t raise $800,000 in the next 10 days. In an email to supporters, Castro said he will not have the resources to continue campaigning if he can’t raise the funds by the end of October. “The truth is, for our campaign, these debates have offered our only guaranteed opportunity to share my vision with the American people. If I can’t make the next debate stage, we cannot sustain a campaign that can make it to Iowa in February,” Castro said in the email. “My presidential campaign is in dire need of financial resources to keep going.” Castro’s campaign has very little cash on hand compared to most of his competition, according to the most recent FEC filings. His campaign, which raised $3,495,406 and spent $3,960,970.81 last quarter, had $672,333 on hand as of the end of September.

That’s rough.

According to the latest Real Politics Polling for Iowa, Castro is polling at…. HE IS NOT EVEN LISTED.

How can you be asking for cash to make it to Iowa and they are not even showing you UNDERWATER in the latest polling? That is super impressive except for a winning campaign it is not. Castro spent 3.9 million last quarter while raising 3.4 million. I’m guessing that there are a lot of fancy meals on that spreadsheet and not too many value meals purchases at McDonald’s.

While I am 100% in favor of Americans donating to any and all political causes and candidates they see fit, I would humbly suggest spending money on other things also if you are on the bubble about donating to the Presidential campaign of someone who is not running so hot.

Here are some suggestions…

*Buying a ticket on the next Titanic voyage next year. I mean, it can’t happen twice in a row, can it?

*Purchase a “My Pillow” and see if it is really that comfy. Also, email me and let me know if it is. I have been on the bubble for a while now about purchasing one.

*Do GOAT Yoga. I’m not going to do it so you might as well.

Of course, you can donate to #TeamCastro or any candidate you want. If you feel Julio is worth a couple of bucks to extend his time doing whatever he has been doing to be polling at zip in Iowa, knock it out. Maybe donate to all of them. Maybe tweet at the President and see if he could donate to Castro just for the twitter trolling wave it would create.

Good Luck Mr. Castro. Shame that a distant relative of yours that is not really a relative but has the same last name as you is not still alive. I’m sure he would have kicked in a buck or two.

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