Mitchell2.jpg

Matt Mitchell and the ostrich. Matt is on the right.

(Andrew Brasfield)

I give up. It's me.

I'm the guy better known as the "fake Daily Mountain Eagle."

And my name is Jack McNeely.

Just kidding. Boy, that would be a plot twist.

My name is actually Matthew Mitchell. Some people call me "Matt." Old high school friends still call me "Mitchell." Angry ladies who discover I've posted a picture of them sprawled across a late 80's Buick in Sumiton Walmart's parking lot call me...

Well, I can't post that here.

You're probably wondering how all of this started. The birth of the faux Daily Mountain Eagle was rather uneventful. A joke between my wife and a friend turned into me hastily signing up for an account on Twitter, mimicking the century-old newspaper. Just to drive home the point that this wasn't real news, I replaced the eagle in the logo with an ostrich. Still, to this day, I have no idea why I chose an ostrich. Perhaps it was subconscious connection to the bird. After all, we both have abnormally large bodies, long legs, and the inability to fly.

The account was off and running (that's all an ostrich can do anyway) in minutes. Over the next few days I wrote a few headlines about drunks claiming abandoned bingo halls as their castle and a bearded woman being mistaken for the Sipsey Creature. But then things escalated.

Quickly

The "fake Daily Mountain Eagle" unmasked He was the fake Daily Mountain Eagle, and today he's telling the world why he did. Meet The Ostrich. Posted by al.com on Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Four days later the real newspaper discovered its not-so-real counterpart, and the real guys were not amused. They promptly issued a disclaimer on their official Facebook page claiming they were victims of a "pirated" Twitter account.

Well, shiver me timbers.

The Daily Mountain Eagle regrets it has been the victim of pirated Twitter page. It is our hope that copyright or... Posted by Jasper Daily Mountain Eagle on Tuesday, May 8, 2012

I'm sure the two or three gullible Walker County residents who were already on Twitter in 2012 were thankful for the heads up. For thousands of others, the real Daily Mountain Eagle just lit a giant, rage-fueled spotlight onto the account. By the end of the day, I was racking up followers quicker than the DEA can shut down a Jasper pharmacy/gas station/bait & tackle shop.

For the next 4 years and roughly 4,800 tweets, I poked fun at everything in Walker County. Inspiration truly abounds here.

Political scandals? Check.

Reality TV shows? Check and check.

Bikini-clad women stealing tractors?

Yep, you guessed it. Check.

But why? Why make Walker County the subject of so many jokes? Why tell people Jasper was finally getting its movie theater back - complete with reverse-stadium seating and prefabricated sticky floors? Why post a story about dancers at Wesley's Boobie Trap being covered by a new pay-per-tooth dental plan, setting the Trap's ownership back a whole $5?

Because it was funny. That's it. There was no super secret ulterior motive to send Walker County into chaos and declare myself king of the Wal-Mart scooters. I just enjoyed making up the headlines and sharing them with the world, 140 characters at a time.

Don't get me wrong, I love Walker County. This is where I grew up, met the love of my life, and received a lifetime ban from the Sumiton Pizza Hut.

In the immortal words of Rodney Atkins, "These are my people. This is where I come from."

Sure, Walker County has a bad reputation. I can't deny that. There are a lot of people here that do some really weird things. But that doesn't mean they're not good people. Does carrying a deceased squirrel around in a K-mart buggy make you a bad person?

The Galleria & Summit ain't got nothing on this. pic.twitter.com/PlS6lURQwG — The Ostrich (@ALostrich) November 4, 2015

No. It just makes you highly susceptible to rabies.

I know deep down the people of Walker County are just as caring as they eccentric. And that's what makes us so unique.

We refuse to hide our weirdness. We'd much rather put it on display for everyone to see. Then politely ask it to put its clothes back on and leave the Dollar General.

Even though the fake Daily Mountain Eagle was laid to rest on March 3rd, my love for all things Walker County will carry on. As I'm sure your love/hate/really, really strong hate will carry on for me. And as we embark on this new journey together, just remember that the name has changed, but the ostrich remains the same.

And yes, the news stories will still be completely un-true, so please don't confuse them with real news.

That would be awful.

Awfully hilarious.