Conflicts in a community

Any time you bring people together you will have more than one opinion. Instantly. On anything. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard of arguments in a group of people over some of the silliest things. It’s human nature. We want others to agree with our point of view. We want everyone to see things our way, and yet, we also know if we all shared the same view there would be something seriously wrong with us.

If two people agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary

— Winston Churchill

How we handle conflicts within a community is important to the long-term success of the community. Let’s examine the concepts involved in conflict resolution within a community of individuals. To begin we should focus on why this group of unique individuals has come together.

What is a community?

A clear definition of terms is always important when discussing things. How can we discuss something if we are looking at two different things? So let’s look first at the definition and structure of a community. I think this is a great place to start. Obviously I assume most of us have a fairly good grasp on what comprises a community so we’ll run through this quickly. According to Wikipedia a community is defined as follows:

“A community is a group of people whose identity as a group lies in their interaction and sharing. Many factors may affect the identity of the participants and their degree of adhesion, such as intent, belief, resources, preferences, needs and risks.”

That’s a basic definition which serves our purpose quite well. A community brings a group of people together to form a common identity. Singular. One identity. A group of diverse people forming a single identity around a unique intent or belief. Seth Godin offers a slightly different definition on his blog and in his book, Tribes:

“Working side by side doing something that matters under adverse conditions… that’s what we need.”

But there are many, many types of community. Let’s save some time and look at only a few of the more common types (want to see the full list? check the footnotes).

Voluntary Association: A group of individuals who voluntarily enter into an agreement to accomplish a purpose.

Interest: A group of individuals who share a common interest or passion

Practice: A group of individuals who choose to collaborate over an extended period to share ideas, find solutions, and build innovations.

Purpose: A group of individuals who are going through the same process or are trying to achieve a similar objective.

So, step one, evaluate what type of community you have joined. Does it fit a distinct definition above, more than likely it’s a hybrid of one or more types. It’s important to start here though. You need to know the underlying purpose of the community you are volunteering in. This will help as we continue to the next step.

Find your motivation

Once you have a good working definition of exactly why your community is formed you need to work out why you want to volunteer and be a part of it. What motivates you? Why do you want to invest your time, talents, and energy in this community. It’s an interesting question I admit. Interesting because it’s simple and yet surprisingly complex. What drives us to do the things we do. Sometimes I’m not sure how to answer this myself but it’s a good exercise to undertake.

But wait, it doesn’t stop there. It’s not a one-time question either. Not only do you need to know why you want to start volunteering but you need to periodically ask yourself why you wish to continue volunteering. Has your motivation changed? Has the community changed? If you answer yes to any of these questions then you need to take a moment and thoughtfully consider your situation. Have your feelings changed, have you lost your passion, drive, or motivating desire; if so, then you know it’s time to move on to a new community and a new opportunity.

Side Topic Let’s talk about that for a minute. I just said move on. Does that mean I think your services as a volunteer are of no value? Absolutely not. Every single individual has a unique set of talents and abilities that together form the identity of a community. Does that mean you should never move on. Absolutely not. Interests change, people change, and as we just discussed communities change. It’s not a badge of honor to stay in a community where you are not happy. This leads easily to the next question…

What makes you happy?

If we take the answers you worked on earlier (you did work on them right?) then now you need pick them back up. An important part of any community is evaluating how volunteers are appreciated. See how this relates to your happiness? If you know what makes you feel appreciated and fulfilled and you can define it, you’ll be much more likely to find a community which fits. What are common methods of appreciation in the workplace? Gary Chapman has written a great book on the topic, The Five Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. Below is a quick summary. I highly recommend reading the full book as it offers a much more detailed review of each.

Words of Affirmation: Uses words to to communicate a positive message to another person. Praise for accomplishments, affirmation of character, praise for personality. This affirmation can take the form of one-on-one, a group setting, and in either written or verbal format. Quality Time: Giving the person your focused attention. This means quality, focused conversations, listening to thoughts and feelings, and all without distractions or disruptions. Acts of Service: Providing assistance “What can I do to help?” Assisting someone in the way they would like things done. Be sure to ask before helping. Tangible Gifts: Physical items, could also be time off. Remember they should be something the person values. Physical Touch: Human to human contact. This is not a primary means especially in the workplace. Examples would include fist-bumps, handshakes, and high-fives.

As I mentioned, these are only brief summaries and the book provides a very good opportunity to explore the many aspects of appreciation. I want you to take a moment now and review this list. Rank them from greatest importance to those of least importance to you personally. If you know what affirmation is most fulfilling to you then you’ll be more able to recognize how to achieve personal satisfaction from a community.