There’s nothing sexier than shiny, voluminous hair teased and fluffed into a windblown style that says, “The wind just fucked me right in the hair.” For a night on the town, a first date or just a sleepy sexy Sunday morning, you want to look like you just got railed, hard… by the sexy wind. You want to look like you went to pound town in a drafty tunnel. A tunnel that made your hair fuckable and big. A windforce that made you come. With air. Here’s how:

Step 1: Wash Your Hair With Sexy Shampoo and Apply Mousse

Use a volumizing shampoo and conditioner in the shower so that no matter how fine your hair is, it still looks bouncy and full like you’ve been jumping on a sexy trampoline. Towel dry, and while your hair is still wet, put some sexy mousse in it to give it shape and definition. Really massage it in there. Fuck your hair with the mousse. All those sexy chemicals will keep your hair from looking limp and instead looking like it was raw-dogged by a gust of mother earth’s breath. Use a sexy wide-tooth comb to get rid of any un-sexy tangles.

Step 2: Blow Dry With Your Sexy Blow Drier

Air from a hair dryer really is sexy wind! Make your hair sexy and dry by heating it from root to tip with your sexy blow dryer while you look at your sexy self in your sexy mirror. Keep the temperature high, because heat is hot, and heat is also sexy. Remember to toss your hair around like you’re in a music video while you dry it, like getting out of the shower was the sexy opening act of foreplay with this air sex.

Step 3: Put Your Hair In Sexy Rollers

You may think hot rollers create only old-school poodle curls, but they’re actually the secret weapon behind the incredible body and shine of a sexy windblown hairstyle. Divide your hair into sections and set in large, sexy rollers, like you’re a sexy mom who stayed up late waiting for her sexy husband to get home from the sexy office. When your hair is completely dry, spray it with a little sexy setting spray, so it looks like you were married to the fucking wind all along.

Step 4: Comb Out Your Sexy Hair With Your Sexy Fingers

Remove the rollers and finger-comb your hair, like you’re fingering your hair, and it’s sexy. Whip it a little like whoa, this wind is really shaking me all night long, it’s making my hair go in every direction, wow this wind can fuck! You’ve been fucked in the head by a hot tornado!

Remember, if you ever need a boost of sexy wind, just fan yourself with a pamphlet or something.