We announced the beginning of digital town meetings and reminded townspeople of the rules: Keep it civil. No food.

@mobeenakhan threw fries at the podium, in which I sternly reminded her that there would be no fries and no fry throwing in this meeting.

@paulachuchro presented the first item: Mrs. Kim is overwatering her garden and causing serious street leakage. The town almost unanimously proclaimed that messing with Mrs. Kim is an incredibly bad idea. @shansen614 called leakage “dirty” but I put an immediate stop to that kind of talk.

@corellianjedi2 claimed that Stars Hollow had a thief ornament on our hands. We all lamented at the many troubles of Pierpoint and launched an immediate town-wide investigation to nip this crime rise in the bud. We appointed Kirk as watchman.

@notmadeleine proposed that next year’s Dance Marathon be 80s themed. A bold suggestion, indeed. A particularly rowdy townsperson, @stepherrr425, referenced the film Footloose in support of the proposition. I was quick to remind her that cutting loose in this town entrenched on our moral reputation. We moved on quickly to the next item on the agenda, disregarding all defenses of this very flawed concept.

@justinscarelli was concerned about excessive millennial cellphone use and its effect on our small town feel. @StarfishQueen44 dared to suggest that I try Snapchat and “faceswap” with Kirk. Which just doesn’t sound healthy at all. But when @jacki_harrell suggested that social media activities could help boost tourism and irritate Luke, I was encouraged to at at least consider letting these teenagers be.

We ended the meeting with a request to show A Film By Kirk once again in the town square. Which was immediately rejected because we just can’t put ourselves or our children through that again.

We’ll meet again next Wednesday.