Me, standing in my pajamas in front of the icecream at CVS.



Young man: excuse me --

Me turning around: Yeah?

YM: Whoa you have pretty eyes. Shit sorry. I just wanted to ask you a question.

Me still naively assuming he was innocently blindsided and truly has a question: Yeah?

Man: Sorry I'm being rude. What's your name?

Me growing suspicious: Layne.

Man: Cool. Anyway so are you single?

Me wearing a Spike TV T-shirt and my Birkenstocks: yes but very gay.

Man: Oh you mean like --oh. Are you bisexual or like just a lesbian?

Me, a lesbian: I'm a lesbian.

Man: Oh okay cool. That's cool. Do you want to go grab a beer?



Now here's where we pause because look, I don't know anyone in my neighborhood. He's about my age seems okay despite the awkwardness. I don't hate the idea of hanging out actually. But I still say no. Because safety.

I'm in my pajamas in front of the ice cream isle so I go with "Sorry, no thank you. My roommate is sick I'm just grabbing her some ice cream."



Man: Oh okay. Does your roommate like beer?

Me: Yes but not tonight, sorry.

Man: Can I have your number then maybe some other time?

I hate these moments.. Because you look back and go "maybe I should have firmly said no. But then what? Firmly saying no to strange men is scary. Looking back now, every one of my answers was an excuse or a reason. Never just "no." Hindsight is 20/20 and strange men are scary.

And I stand there and panic. And what do I do when I'm panicking? I blurt out my phone number.



My brain reasons that if I just give him the number he'll go away. I never have to ANSWER when he texts. So I do.

Man: So can I ask you something else?

Me: Sure.

Man: how did that come to be? You know, the whole not strictly dickly thing? Do guys just not satisfy you? Have you been with guys before?

Now this is the lose/lose lesbian/straight man conversation. Because you have two options: 1. Yes, I have been with a guy before. I didn't like it. In which he now thinks he has a chance. or 2. No, i haven't been with a guy before in which he can be the one to show you.

I again, in panic go with the truth. Because I'm an awul liar anyway.



Me trying to erase the sex elements from this conversation: I dated guys in high school but it's just girls now.

Man: Oh gotcha. They must not have been very good then.

Me, dying: It wasn't their fault.

I turn to the icecream and start rifling through it. I'm SURE this conversation is going to end eventually or the floor is going to open up and swallow me. We're in the age of choose your own adventure TV so here I am. But he continues.



Man: So is your roommate a guy or a girl?

Me: Girl.

Man: Does SHE want a beer?

Me: No she's sick.

Man: Cough medicine and a beer?

Me, still for some reasoning smiling: No, seriously not tonight.

Man: I don't live around here I'm just visiting.

Me: Well you have my number. ( I really wish he didn't but I want out).

He finally gives it a rest and I'm able to walk away. I'm so nervous I had to make three trips to the register because I forgot nearly everything I went there to buy. He was at no point threatening, mean, loud, or anything. But it's still scary. Because at any moment he could be.

This is scary as a woman because we've seen the news we have experienced it and we know men can snap. It's extra scary as a lesbian because suddenly there's a whole other mess of problems going on.

I walked home checking over my shoulders 67 times. I locked the door. And now I'm going to carry on and pretend I'm not anxious that a man I don't know has my phone number in the digital age. Because this is supposedly a normal part of life as a woman.

And I'm going to think of 10 reasons why I did something dumb or could have handled any part of it better. Because life IS NOT choose your own adventure. There's no re do. We can't try different scenarios to see what works and frankly none of them do anyway. It's all just scary.

Anyway this is your thursday night reminder that the patriarchy stinks.

Well I woke up and this blew up. So anyway I'm a currently unemployed queer writer trying to live in LA ad also survive men. If you want to help me get by, send a treat to my cat, or support the wine I need to drink after that CVS encounter, you can: https://ko-fi.com/A667CE1

You can follow @laynemorgan.

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