After months of careful and extensive surveys and research, the department of Sociology can now conclude that 76% of the FAU student body is disappointed in Evan. Among those surveyed were Evan’s neighbors, friends, his mother, and even his girlfriend. “You really blew it this time, Evan,” said one of Evan’s friends, who prefers not to be named as it would associate him with Evan. “Yeah, I don’t know. You used to be cool… Now I can’t even look you in the eyes.” At press time, Evan’s grandmother had just announced she had written him out of her will, closing the document with the statement “I have no grandson.”

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