Fear the Walking Trump

It’s going to be yuuuuuuuuge! Donald Trump will win for two reasons: First, according to the all-seeing, all-knowing Rush Limbaugh, he will beat Hillary Clinton in a win of “landslide proportions.” As a rule, Rush knows the answer before you ask the question. But perhaps most significant, The Donald will win because both liberal and conservative establishments are in a panic. In public, they insist he has no chance. Zip. But inside, deep in their politically correct hearts -- this is the beginning of the Trump Apocalypse. Forget zombies. Who needs zombies when you have Donald Trump? Don’t bother with “The Walking Dead,” “Z-Nation,” “Fear the Walking Dead” -- stay tuned to coverage by media of the first presidential campaign to center around what the establishment views as the Trump pandemic sweeping the nation. Joining The Apprentice is the new reality show, Fear the Walking Trump. And the reactions of our elite masters to the voters’ choice are straight out of a Mel Brooks movie: “The people are revolting!” Yes, our ruling class agrees, and then pull from one of his movies their explanation of the character of Trump and his supporters, “They stink on ice.”

Never mind the issues. Never mind that he understands the growing horror of Americans at the incompetence and arrogance of government, the smug manipulation of media, and the hypocrisy of entertainment and education elites. Spending, illegal immigration, political correctness masquerading as education, jobs going overseas...real issues for real people. But Beltway knows best, and Trump is a “coward” who would “flunk an eighth-grade civics exam” and, if elected, destroy the country. So says conservative icon George Will, the Washington Post columnist, and establishment intellectual who has joined hands with the left to stop Trump. If this nation is to survive, opines Will, then it is the duty of every Republican to vote for Hillary and “to help him (Trump) lose 50 states.” The only thing that matters is “the prevention of a Trump presidency.” Time to reach across the aisle and cooperate as never before, as Democrat and Republican leaders applaud the new note that the editors of the Huffington will be putting on articles about Trump and his supporters: “Note to our readers: Donald Trump is a serial liar, rampant xenophobe, racist, birther and bully who has repeatedly pledged to ban all Muslims -- 1.6 billion members of an entire religion -- from entering the U.S.” Right and left, the narrative is the same. “Vulgar,” shouts the media. “Stupid,” cry the intellectuals of dozens of think tanks. “Fascist,” comes the verdict of tens of thousands of university faculty. “Waaaah,” screams official Washington and -- not to be outdone -- “doh!” goes the Hollywood elite. Of course, these are the same people and organizations that, for more than half a century, have been wrong: Wrong about trade, wrong about foreign policy, wrong about education, wrong about health -- you name it, they’ve been wrong about it. Donald Trump -- he won’t win, he can’t win! And so, I predict that when The Donald puts his hand on a Bible on Friday, January 20, a deafening “chuuuuuuffffffff” will resound throughout the nation’s capital, echo up the Acela corridor on the East Coast, and ripple the surfaces of thousands of pools overlooking the Pacific on the West Coast. “Chuuuuuuffffffff.” The sound of tens of thousands of grandees from politics, culture and education…spontaneously peeing in their pants. So shaken by this, this…this builder from Queens. Queens, for chrissakes, known for John Gotti, Bernie Madoff, and flashers on the notorious 7 line out of Manhattan. And now…Donald Trump. Queens has come to the White House. The people are, indeed, revolting. Oh, woe! Our leadership rejects the very premise of the Trump candidacy, the motivating factor for his tens of millions of supporters: The United States is in decline, brought about by the combined arrogance and incompetence of our professional ruling class. And now this nation is in need of “someone to bring this country back from the brink and make America great again.” Those are the words of Jerry Falwell Jr., the chancellor of the largest evangelical university in the world and an early and enthusiastic supporter of Trump. The Donald, he says, has built a business empire, showing that he is “experienced and capable,” two characteristics needed to save this country. To Falwell, Trump has the kind of savvy we need to reverse the decay brought about by the corruption and incompetence of our institutional leadership. Savvy characterizes an individual who has shown shrewdness, understanding, and common sense in their dealings with others. That is, in fact, the view of Trump by his supporters while professional politicians and their enablers are blinded by smug superiority from recognizing that cleverness. Case in point: Overlooked in the Trump victory speech after winning the Indiana primary was a single sentence that sums up why he will tromp (Trump?) Hillary Clinton, become our next president, and -- at the end of his two terms -- leave the United States better off than at any time since Ronald Reagan climbed aboard the helicopter in front of the U.S. Capitol. Trump noted at the time that he, as president, would preside over a nation that “will be saying, ‘Merry Christmas’ again.” Close your eyes and you can hear the screams. He’s pandering to the evangelical Christian nutjobs who, says traditional media, won’t rest until everyone in the United States is carrying a covered dish and feeling guilty about sex. But, in fact, Trump has already won over the Christian nutjobs, as well as most other nutjobs categories -- like men, women, seniors, low and high incomes, etc. -- as portrayed in the exit polls from the primaries. Trump rocks both nutjobs and non-nutjobs. And anyone who thinks that a Trump presidency heralds a new age of guilt about sex…well, as they say on the sports shows, “Aw, c’mon man!” Since when has Donald Trump been shy about sex? So if not an evangelical dog whistle, then what? Savvy, friends, savvy. He is simply saying that in a Trump presidency reason will prevail, and he will not spend his time on political correctness. No crusades from the right or left. Hey, evangelicals, you want to say “Merry Christmas?” Be my guest. And you, Mr. /Ms./Cisgender/Genderqueer Retailer (or any of the 58 gender categories that Facebook recognizes), you want to have a Christmas tree in your store? Then be my guest -- that’s between you and your customers. And if that offends a portion of the population…well, so be it. Under The Donald, the U.S. government will have better things to do than regulating holiday displays; more important are the little things that have been ignored, such as defending our borders, providing competent government, building the military, and setting the stage for prosperity. Divide the nation into categories, hand the keys to the kingdom to regulators, ignore veterans…fuhgeddaboudit. Instead, says The Donald, let’s make America great again! To that I say: And a merry Christmas to you, President Trump. Stuart Schwartz, a former media and consumer merchandising executive, is on the faculty at Liberty University in Virginia.