In what has probably been a long time coming for the guy, popular YouTuber Jon Bain, AKA TotalBiscuit announced he has quit social media. Allegedly this time it’s for good and I think I believe him.

It all started a few days ago after TotalBiscuit published a short statement about how looking at the Cynical Brit subreddit was growing increasingly difficult for him as “there are a lot of people on there who make it their mission to dissect everything I ever say.” This was in direct reference to his brief, snarky, tweeted response to a Reddit post about how he approached Warframe. This anxiety has continued to weigh on him as he tried to balance being a figure who responded to the community along with his own sanity.

Adding to the anxiety is Bain’s health. Back in 2014 he revealed his struggle with cancer, but in 2015 he also announced his cancer was inoperable and he probably has only 2-3 years to live. That being said, he’s still treating it with chemotherapy and he intends to be the outlier and live past expectations. In a recent SoundCloud entry, TotalBiscuit discussed how this chemotherapy has been affecting him and how that led to him being “irritable” and that in turn led to him being pretty snarky on Twitter.

“The problem is, when you got a Twitter account with 500,000 fucking people following it – yeah, that’s half a million – anything you say goes under the microscope. Anything. That includes some tweet I made after 2 hours of sleep that was nothing but a little snark.” Honestly, it’s painful to listen to that SoundCloud entry linked above appropriately titled ‘no win’. That being said, it’s worth it. You can tell he’s in pain both physically and mentally, and I think it’s humanizing in many ways. It shows the other side of fame.

As a follow-up to ‘no win’, Bain released another SoundCloud yesterday titled ‘Disconnecting’. In it Bain explains why he is stepping away from all social media and giving the reigns to his assistant. It’s yet another SoundCloud that’s really hard to listen to. In order to preserve the effect of the post I won’t be transcribing it. Instead, take a moment to listen to the embedded track below.

There are a few points where it’s obvious John Bain is holding back tears, and it’s no surprise why. It sounds like everything has been weighing on him and that weight is carried with a certain gravitas in this almost 6 minute audio clip/diary.

I can respect TotalBiscuit for doing what he must to maintain both his physical and mental health, and I wish him a speedy recovery on all fronts. My thoughts, and I am sure the thoughts of the gaming community are with John and his family.