There's no tasteful way to put a SPlog like this together, but what the hell. We don't want to come across as insensitive, but please, just read the headline:

"Grandpa who won romp with 2 hookers in 'Get Your Grandpa Laid' radio contest choked to death as he hurried his dinner on way to have threesome"

There he is, the man of the hour, Johnny Orris. Illinois fan to the core, having one of the happiest days of his life as he won a contest on Howard Stern called "I Want to Get My Grandpa Laid", as he was entered to win by his own grandson, Ed Moody. You can read the entire article above (or here, via Huffington Post), but he was in a hurry to claim his prize... and choked on his dinner.

Such a shame, but as his grandson describes, "He was having the greatest day of his life, and it went to hell. He was feeling great. He was being treated like a rockstar."

RIP Johnny Orris. You are a true hero.