Share Facebook

Twitter

Whatsapp

Mail

Whatsapp The intervention should start in boyhood

In an attempt to break the generational cycle of domestic violence, a new initiative involving boys and their mums is being trialled in Brisbane. The program aims to stop domestic violence when it first appears: in boyhood. Cathy Van Extel reports.

Richelle Menzies, 55, from Ipswich, is the survivor of domestic violence, endured over 20 years. Her two sons grew up watching their father abuse their mother.

'My husband worked away,' she tells RN Breakfast.

Deep down with these boys they all want the relationship to change. The boys really do feel a lot of remorse for what they're doing to mum but they just don't know another way to act.

'There was always a sense of dread when he was coming home, because there was violence on every level. You name it, it happened.'

When her boys were younger, she was able to keep the violence away from them.

'But as they got older, he got worse as time went on, and there were times when particularly our eldest would stand between us. I think he was the one it had the greatest impact on,' she says.

'My youngest son would just remove himself from the situation. It played out quite differently for him. For him it was very much: "I don't want to be like that."

'But for my eldest son I can imagine there must have been so much anger at both of us for putting him, as a child, into that situation where he felt he had to stand between us to protect me. I can definitely understand the anger that he had, that he didn't know what to do with it.'

Her eldest son started displaying anger from the age of 16. While he didn't assault her, he would punch walls and other objects. At the age of 24 he decided to get therapy.

'He had that emotional maturity to go: "I need to do something about my anger, particularly before I get into a serious relationship myself."'

Breaking the cycle by focussing on boyhood

In Queensland, more than 1,500 incidents of domestic violence were perpetrated by children aged between 10 and 18 years in the three years to December 2015, and the numbers are on the rise.

Leia Mackie, from the Ipswich-based Domestic Violence Action Centre, says it's not a new type of violence, but it's something that's being talked about more often.

'There wasn't a service out there that was addressing or being able to support these families to manage the dynamics that were happening at home,' she says.

With Dave Burc from Carinity, a organisation that specialises in dealing with child trauma, she set up ReNew—an initiative to break the cycle of domestic violence by stopping it in boyhood.

They're now four weeks into the first 20-week program, involving seven families. The boys ages range from 9 to 17.

ReNew focusses on the beginning of abusive, controlling or coercive behaviours—whether it is threats, verbal abuse, intimidation, or punching holes in the wall.

Burc says violence used against a mother is a major risk factor for perpetrating domestic violence as an adult.

He says boys and teens who are violent in the home often don't get help until they enter the justice system, but ReNew aims to intervene before the behaviour escalates.

'For a long time there's been a gap because it's been hard to identify,' he says.

'A lot of mothers feel shame, that they're bad mothers, so they don't report these incidents. They're afraid their kids might get taken away.

'For us it's trying to engage them and let them know they're not getting blamed as a mother, it's how do we make the family work better now?'

Shifting beliefs and attitudes, reasserting parental authority

The families involved in the ReNew trial attend individual, family and group sessions. The aim is to change behaviour by shifting beliefs and attitudes, and reasserting parental authority

'We do a lot of challenging of the boys. We challenge their beliefs ... What does it mean to be a man? What does it mean to be a woman? Where did you get those beliefs? Do you think that's true?' Burc says.

'We do non-violence plans and they have to identify: "Here's what I do at home, and here's why I need to change."

'We found that deep down with these boys they all want the relationship to change. The boys really do feel a lot of remorse for what they're doing to mum but they just don't know another way to act.'

Mackie says the suggestion that the child is now 'the man of the house' once an abusive partner moves out can be damaging.

'Although people mean well by that comment, it actually has a lot of detrimental effect in that family situation,' she says.

'Their job is to be a kid. It is mum's responsibility to be a parent, to call the shots. The young person is not the man of the house; mum is the parent of the house.'

ReNew has been funded by the Queensland Government and has attracted national and international interest.

Griffith University and the Menzies Health Institute will conduct a two-year evaluation of the program, including monitoring any lasting behavioural and life changes for the boys and their mothers.

Leia Mackie says it will be reviewed in late 2018 with the potential to be rolled out across Queensland and Australia.

Listen to the story Cathy van Extel reports on a world-first initiative to break the cycle of domestic violence.

Subscribe to Breakfast on iTunes, ABC Radio or your favourite podcasting app.