The story of a gay man with disabilities: one against all

by Ivano Abbadessa - 2013.06.17

A team of Italian researchers recently presented the results of a study on homosexual and bisexual people with disabilities in Italy. We asked Antonio, a 34-year old office worker, about his experiences of being a gay wheelchair user. In particular we talked about his relationship with the LGBT community, which often focuses on aesthetics and which some people consider to be exclusive towards people with disabilities.



"The vast majority of the LGBT community – says Antonio – are suspicious of or even ignore my presence in public places, unless they actually trip over my feet. Unfortunately, visual impact is always the first stage of selection, and there is no doubt that a wheelchair can be off-putting in an environment where physicality rules." This doesn't happen in the virtual world, Antonio continues, saying that instead gay people online "show more curiosity about my condition and don't shy away from interaction, although, unfortunately, the exchange almost never leads to a meeting in person."



"As well as the exclusion caused by the initial visual impact, you have to bear in mind that my disability also compromises my sexuality. Having been able to live as a gay man without disability before my accident, I am well aware that this lack of ability can make me unattractive as a partner." Despite this, Antonio was able to have a relationship that lasted nine years, showing that homosexuals do not always adhere to stereotypes of active, passive or versatile roles in relationships. "They can also appreciate physical contact outside the stereotypes prevalent in the LGBT community and are able to enjoy a form of sex that is both intense and intimate (although limited) on a physical level, while being very full and rewarding emotionally."



As for gay activism, Antonio hopes that his public presence in the LGBT community serves to break the molds and unify the various identities, which often tend to be mutually exclusive. For people with disabilities, discrimination in the homosexual environment is still very strong today, and many fall victim to the widespread culture of beauty promoted by the media of any sexual orientation and social class."



Since 2007, when “Abili di cuore”, the first study of gay and bisexual people with disabilities in Italy, was carried out, Antonio has not noticed significant progress. "This is also because disabled people rarely participate in public LGBT life, due to various kinds of problems, and this tends to propagate our presence as a minority within a minority to be 'tolerated'." According to Antonio, this is the greatest obstacle to overcome: not to suffer a double discrimination, especially from those who know firsthand the weight of unfair prejudice.



