I'm not a fan of water.

Well, that's not exactly true. I appreciate its life giving properties, but wading around in H2O isn't exactly my idea of fun. I despise the beach, and also get annoyed anytime a wet kid runs by me at the pool, flinging water in my vicinity. Needless to say, when MJ suggested we visit Disney's Typhoon Lagoon Water Park , I was a little less than thrilled.

The shipwrecked Typhoon Tilly

I've learned over the years to maintain an open mind in situations I'd rather avoid, but I definitely have my limits. Water parks are well beyond those limits. What I didn't realize when the wife coerced me into visiting Typhoon Lagoon was she had a five step plan in place for managing her hardheaded husband.

At least she was excited...

For the first time I can ever remember, we arrived to the park before it opened, and mulled around with the masses before "rope drop." Part one of MJ's plan was to ensure she kept me in good supply of shade, and arriving early allowed us to snag a spot under one of the thatch huts by the wave pool. About 45 seconds after "rope drop," all of these huts appeared to be occupied...

The Humunga Kowabunga = Not For Me

Part two of the wife's plan was to squeeze in as many activities as possible right away, before the morning coffee wore off and my incessant complaining started. First up was Crush 'n' Gusher, Typhoon Lagoon's roller coaster of a water slide. I laughed the whole way, and as our tube hit the water, there was actually a smile on my face. In fact, I wanted to ride it again...

The Crush 'n' Gusher

We had only been there 20 minutes, and somehow I'd reconnected with the 9 year old kid inside me that used to love water parks. We ran up the steps to the Storm Slides and rode them over and over again, with little regard for the buildup of chlorinated water in my brain.

The Storm Slides

After about two hours of water flumes, it was time for part three of MJ's plan....the bar. Somehow she knew that my contentment would be short lived, and a beverage with a little umbrella would be the best way to get it back. She forced me to order a Captain's Mai Tai, and a few minutes later I had the strange urge to check out the wave pool.

Let's Go Slurppin' Bar

This isn't your ordinary wave pool. Typhoon Lagoon's "Surf Pool" spits out a six foot high wall of water every few minutes, wiping out everyone in its path. After being clobbered by this tsunami several times, I was wore out, yet loving every minute of it.

The Tidal Wave Letting Loose...

With all of my energy long gone, as well as the good vibes from the Mai Tai, it was time for part four of the wife's plan. The lazy river. The name says it all, and it was exactly what I needed. Of course, it also meant I started to dry off, which would make getting me back in the water a near impossibility.

The Lazy River

Finally, it was time to call it a day, but MJ had one more step in her plan for me. Like the kid who behaves at a wedding and gets a toy when it's over, it was time for my reward. Mini-donuts...

Little drops of heaven.

What can I say...the wife knew what she was doing. She may have dragged me to Typhoon Lagoon against my will, but her plan of attack kept my complaining to a minimum, and there's a possibility I actually enjoyed myself.

Of course, buying an annual pass afterwards makes it hard to deny that one...

If You Go...

Skip the ticket booth and use the self serve kiosks.

Lockers are a must, and can be rented in the gift shop.

Want a more private experience? Rent a hut for guaranteed shade!

Get the donuts...Trust me.

~Insert Dude-like Closing Here~

Deej