Big news! I can announce today that I have received a new letter from the Lord Jesus. An angel who said his name was “Boloni” appeared to me and showed me where the golden plates were buried. (I am not at liberty to disclose this location.)

I thought this was a most unusual method of delivery, especially as the soil was fresh; the plates had just been buried. You see, this is no ancient composition written in Greek or Aramaic or Reformed Egyptian. Evidently, in the intervening period, the Lord Jesus has learned English. And it’s clear that he has continued to be attentive to our theological situation.

Naturally, I was only allowed to borrow the golden plates long enough to transcribe them; the angel waited while I did this, then carted them off into the sky in a flaming armored car.

As I read and re-read this epistle I realized that the Lord was continually referring to or quoting the New Testament, so I added a number of footnotes, mostly for scriptural citations. I was quite surprised to see that Jesus always quotes the NRSV. Sorry, ESV and NIV – evidently this is the new Authorized Version.

In any case, it seems to me that this letter contains an important message for our day. Jesus forcefully addresses some widespread confusions about who he is, calling Christians back to an apostolic christology.

You can download and print my transcription here.

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