Hello Every body, meet Lacie Juan of the Strumpet legacy, aptly named for the lack of clothing this woman seems to wear.

Lacie Has the following traits:

Flirty

Irresistible

Great Kisser

Schmoozer

Mooch

She likes Goopy carbonara, hip hop music and the colour “hot pink,” and her lifetime wish is to be a Superstar Athlete.

Lacie started out with a little bit of dough her parents gave her when they kicked her out, so she bought a medium size plot that backs onto a beach.

Now she has about 10,000 simoleans to her name, so that was stupid.

Lacie: I need to get my tan on.

Has this woman ever heard of fake tan?

Any way with 10,000 simoleans she decides a wee little shack is the best and frankly only option.

Lacie: Besides, studio living is tres modern…

Ugh, I hate her already.

So this is the shack she lives in, it’s got the basic comforts of a home and actually does have floors and wallpaper, I’m pretty proud of me right now, not gonna lie.

Right away Lacie was confronted on the lawn by a giant Llama promoting the local University.

Lacie: Ewwwww shoo Llama, shoo.

Poor guy just wanted to earn some commission so he could go to the day spa.

So this mooch lives alone, hence no one to mooch off, so she makes the all important first step to becoming a superstar athlete and joins the Professional sports career by becoming a “Rabid fan.”

Apparently being a “rabid fan” meant you needed to be fit, so Lacie got to work on losing that junk in the trunk…

Lacie: Yeah twerk it guurrrll!

Please stop.

So the Mr. Whippy van comes EVERYDAY and ghosts through passing vehicles, which made it hard for Lacie to get in the cab.

She’s off to the only bar in town; Varg’s Tavern… goody gumdrops.

Upon arrival there seems to be a mother placing her todler on the ground in a bar…

Lacie: Soooo… Why the hell am I even here?

To pick up Lacie, can’t be a strumpet if you don’t leave your house.

Straight away Lacie meets eyes with an “eccentric” adult by the name of Gunther Goth.

Their eyes meet and it’s lust at first sight…

Lacie gets to work immediately.

Lacie: Hey Baby, you got a girlfriend in Spring Valley?

Gunther: Actually yes, I’m married to Cornelia Goth.

Bugger, although… Somehow I doubt Lacie is even slightly worried.

Lacie: That’s just a speed bump, not a stop sign honey *blows kiss*

Trollop…

Gunther: *giggles like a school girl*

SIIIIGHHH

To find out whether or not Lacie becomes a home wrecker, stay tuned for the next episode of: The Strumpet Legacy.