Things I Learned:

1. The reason they can balance those glasses in the opening scene is because they are glued down. Everything in my life has been a lie.

2. If you order the goat cheese balls you only get three of them, so go ahead and put in three orders.

3. Peter 100% works there and was actually there during my shift managing shit or whatever.

4. The best time to go to SUR is right at 5 p.m. on a Monday after Super Bowl Sunday because you beat the crowd.

5. Brittany is just as nice as she seems on TV.

6. And Ariana is a dream.

7. The back alley is quite literally just a back alley with a couple of old chairs and a random table.

8. SUR waiters and waitresses usually don't have to refill water glasses — they have runners that do that for them. This explains why they have so much time to argue with each other while at work.

9. The dresses are more comfortable than I imagined. I wish I were given a purse. Still mad.

10. Bartenders do not have to wear the iconic dress. They just have to wear black. Seems kind of unfair, but sign me up to be a bartender.

11. Still unclear on if people actually say "sexy unique restaurant restaurant."

12. I am not cut out for this business.

13. But I wish I were.