Guy Hits Bowl With Uncomfortable Amount of Tongue

EVANSVILLE, Ind. — Local delivery driver Mitchell Jenkins derailed a casual marijuana session on Thursday night after hitting a communal bowl with what witnesses called “an uncomfortable amount” of tongue, bummed out sources confirmed.

“It’s not like I ever pay attention to how people are smoking,” said bowl owner Louis Wright. “But he was slathering his tongue over the mouth like he was wetting a reed instrument. How am I not supposed to notice that? When he passed it off to the next guy, it was like taking a chew toy from a St. Bernard.”

Wright claimed this was the first such incident to occur with his paraphernalia.

“I am always the guy to whip out my bowl and share it with everyone,” Wright said. “I’m a big believer that whatever’s mine, is yours. But, like, dude. Come on. Nasty ass.”

Allegedly, although none of the fellow smokers called out Jenkins on his technique out of fear of being “that person,” many of them did then second-guess how much they actually wanted to smoke, considering the circumstances.

“I didn’t want to put my mouth on that bowl after what I’d just seen,” said smoker Emilia Diaz. “So I tried to hover over it — like a gas station bathroom kind of thing — and suck in really hard. It didn’t work, so I pretended to cough and said, ‘Man, that’s good shit,’ and just passed it off to the next person.”

Diaz later confirmed the vibe of the night was irreparably ruined by Jenkins’ apparent need to repeatedly go tongue-first into the bowl’s mouth hole.

“I tried wiping it off with my shirt,” said Kayla Boone, who witnesses confirmed was second in line to receive the bowl. “But there was, like, spit dripping out of the glass tube, and it got all over a brand new shirt I just bought. I couldn’t handle it anymore, so I called an Uber and went home.”

Wright later added that, after an hour or two of attempting to salvage the get-together, he ultimately sent everyone home after Jenkins tried to belch the alphabet.

Photo by Tristen Stafford.