I am the very model of a Christian fundamentalist

And by a strange coincidence a solid occidentalist.

I cherry-pick the Bible for the verses close or distantly

Amenable to straight white males, however inconsistently,

Unless those verses might apply a little inconveniently

In which case I interpret them a good deal more than leniently.

We want to do just what we please however strange or horrible

And still regard ourselves as wholly moral and adorable.

Congregation:

We want to do just what we please however strange or horrible

And still regard ourselves as wholly moral and adorable.

And still regard ourselves as wholly moral and adorable.

Modern Fundeamentalist:

I call myself a Christian but it's really Paulist cultery

Since Christ himself has said that my divorces were adultery.

But I from man to man enjoy convexness and concavity

And call whatever others do immoral and depravity.

Cong:

But we from man to man enjoy convexness and concavity

And call whatever others do immoral and depravity.

MF:

I do not want to hear about the quantum or molecular

Or how the Founding Fathers made our institutions secular

I say the nation's Christian under Biblical authorities

Rejecting what the Constitution says about majorities.

The workings of the government may worry and perplex you all

I say we're equal under God -- unless you're homosexual --

Or black or brown or female or some kind of evolutionist

For all attempts at reasoning are really persecutionist.

Cong:

Or black or brown or female or some kind of evolutionist

For all attempts at reasoning are really persecutionist.

MF:

My freedom of religion trumps your Constitutionality

Because the Constitution says it does with firm legality.

I claim my rights from God or man, whichever's more commodious

For what I want to do however evil, vile, or odious.

Cong:

I claim my rights from God or man, whichever's more commodious

For what I want to do however evil, vile, or odious.

MF:

When I can issue licenses or not because I feel like it

The public's just my piggy and the public can just squeal like it.

I'll happily apply whichever law is most agreeable

To what I want to do since what I want is unforseeable:

The conscience of the person must control the way they view their job

And not demands that public servants ought to serve and do their job.

The Constitution's man-made law and God is not endorsing it;

The SCOTUS made their law, and now good luck to them enforcing it.

Cong:

The Constitution's man-made law and God is not endorsing it;

The SCOTUS made their law, and now good luck to them enforcing it.

MF:

There's nothing in my creed that advocates for love officially

Except some quotes that God and Jesus handed down judicially --

I don't see why I must obey the acts of which God sent a list

And yet I am the model of a Christian fundamentalist.

Cong:

We don't see why we must obey the acts of which God sent a list