Should the new Sonic have been a restaurant simulator?

I have to admit, I have never played a Sonic game in my life. My first exposure to the character was an unfortunate Google search with the mature filter off. But just 24 hours ago, I saw a Steam sale and decided to play the original Mega Drive titles. I was only three hours in, speeding my way through various strange worlds, defeating robots with cute little animals inside, but already my mind was filled with many keen observations. Sonic was fast and marketable. His fox compadre seemed good for manual labor. Dr. Robotnik had plenty of interesting gadgets. Why aren’t they running a restaurant? As a lover of Pizza Connection, the platforming and direct control of such a fast character felt very unfamiliar, and I was left wondering why SEGA hadn’t resorted to making a simulator, knowing the success of the many Tycoon games. This led me to wonder – should Sonic the Hedgehog have been a restaurant simulator?

Restaurant Sim Pro #1: Hats

People aren’t wearing enough hats, and neither are hedgehogs… or foxes… or… um… doctors. Running a restaurant means you could design your own uniform, offering a diverse choice of hats. We all know that hat simulators are also very popular, as the sequel to Team Fortress abandoned all limiting ties to its predecessor and looked to the Sims franchise for inspiration. The success of Team Fortress 2 proves that hats sell, that games which offer hats sell and that games that let you wear hats in other games see an increase in sale. The microtransaction potential of allowing blue hedgehogs to wear headwear is amazing. Even Monty Python agreed that the meaning of life is wearing hats, and headwear can’t stick to the head if you are spinning, running and jumping. That would be unrealistic.

Maybe add a section about chef’s hats or restaurant workers’ hats?

Restaurant Sim Pro #2: Sonic was built for the kitchen

One thing I noticed while playing the Sonic games is that they suffered from severe fridge logic. Why are all the levels made so that Sonic has room to run? Why are all rings set up so to help Sonic? Why does breaking TVs help the hedgehog? Plain and simple, the game world is made with the player abilities in mind, rather than giving us a well-defined world and characters of various qualities to struggle through it. Imagine the current characters in a restaurant simulator: Sonic would be the courier, due to his speed. His natural charm, which is surprisingly similar to Mickey Mouse for some reason, is very marketable. You could easily use him as a mascot for a brand and he’s a good face for any company. Miles has two tails. That means he can fly. Not only would this help him be a good courier like Sonic, but he could also reach high places for the deliveries. The fact that he can’t die when near Sonic makes him an excellent addition for hazardous manual labor.

Robotnik would need a slight retcon so he and Sonic could work towards a common goal. The Doctor could make various gadgets, ovens and other things necessary for the prosperity of a diner. It would also open an opportunity for a morality system, where you decide whether you are willing to rob animals of their free will in order to increase the productivity of your business.

Restaurant Sim Con #1: It’s not the old Sonic

I’m not sure whether this is a real con. After I looked up the games on Wikipedia, I realized the franchise wasn’t doing so well. I’m sure there’s a fanbase for the game, and I’m sure they’d be vocal like the XCOM and Star Wars fanboys. But really, if you honestly love a franchise, you will accept any changes to it that will make it more profitable. It’s not like your feelings or opinion matter in any relevant context.

Restaurant Sim Con #2: Might need a new soundtrack

The songs in the original Sonic games are pretty good, but I just can’t see them working in the atmosphere of a simulation game. It’s a real shame, but I think it would be a bearable sacrifice. SEGA could bring high quality bands. Depending on the mood you want to set for your high class establisment, it could be big names like Nickelback, Linkin’ Park, Evanescence or maybe even Korn, who have done a stellar job for Silent Hill: Downpour’s theme song.

For or Against Restaurant Sim?

Sonic the Hedgehog was an enjoyable experience. The games were fast, the music was good and despite the irrational level design which only makes sense in its own micro-cosmos, I soon became used to jumping around without a hat.

However, I’d like to see what SEGA as a company would be able to achieve with the setting they have, as it seems perfect for making a restaurant simulator. Tycoon games have been many and games like Rollercoaster Tycoon are held in extremely high regard even to this day. Far more than the current Sonic franchise. I mean, why would a hedgehog kiss a human or turn into a blue werewolf?