Though seems like only yesterday that demonic professional wrestler and mayor-to-be Kane [SURNAME UNKNOWN] abducted and impregnated Lita [SURNAME UNKNOWN], the child they conceived would now be a sassy, half-evil teenager.

Sadly, the demon spawn of Kane’s loins never had a chance at life, since it was miscarried — or perhaps mercilessly punted by Snitsky — in a tragic turn of events that, for reasons unclear, is rarely mentioned by either Kane or Lita anymore.

The whirlwind romance of Lita and Kane began like most great love stories: Kane kidnapped Lita and held her tied up backstage, and he persuaded Eric Bischoff to give her a title shot at Badd Blodddd, where she was defeated by Trish Stratus, after which Lita announced she was pregnant and, moments before her on-air engagement to boyfriend Matt Hardy, Kane announced that he was the father of Lita’s child, leading to a violent feud culminating in a ‘Til Death Do Us Part match at SummerSlam, where Kane won the right to marry Lita, though their marriage fell apart after Snitsky clobbered Kane with a chair, causing Kane to fall into Lita and the baby to miscarry, which Snitsky denied was his fault, though he later punted the baby — or perhaps a doll? — into the audience, and then everyone just kind of went their separate ways.

It was, in other words, the fairytale marriage every little little girl dreams of.

Had the child not miscarried, Kane and Lita were reportedly going to name it Katie, after a young woman Kane once allegedly knew, though he is now denying allegations he had any culpability in her eventual fate.