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If movies are right, bank robbers are the coolest. They look like Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt and Clive Owen. They use lasers and explode things and seduce un-seducible women. They’re so criminally righteous, they actually come out on the side of justice, moral superiors to the invariably greedy Capitalist/Cop/Society on the legal side of the law.

Movies, upon brief examination of reality, are wrong. It’s doubtful movies have even been to a bank robbery. Style-wise, the modern bank robber more closely resembles the Hamburgler than Johnny Depp. His getaway car is a bike. He gets covered in exploding blue ink. A hostage tweets the whole thing. It’s a wonder the modern bank robber can tie his own shoes. Maybe he has Velcro.

In the aftermath of Rip "Don Geiss" Torn’s bizarre, addled attempt at money-taking, GQ looks back at the greatest epically botched bank jobs of all time.

One afternoon in 2007, Anthony Miller robbed a bank to go to jail and escape his "overbearing" wife. According to court testimony, Miller waltzed up to the teller, brandished a gun, demanded money, and asked her to call the police.

He and his wife are no longer married.

Step One: Blast the roof off bank and steal money.

Step Two: Realize you destroyed the roof of the wrong building.

Step Three: Proceed to next building.

Step Four: Blast roof off and steal money

Step Five: Realize you can’t blast through the roof. Because that’s how banks are designed.

Lesson: Blueprints. Or, don’t steal things.