ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Rugby union is set to experience an extreme drop in attendance figures in coming weeks as fears surrounding the troublesome coronavirus grip the sport’s community.

The gaggle of pointy-headed former private schoolboys on the Rugby Australia board held an emergency meeting today to try and work through a solution with the code’s hemispherical government body, SANZAAR.

The results of that meeting are currently unknown but the one thing that’s for certain is people are going to be staying away from rugby union – just when they need people the most.

Speaking to the media this morning outside the entrance of their needlessly decadent headquarters in Sydney’s morally pathetic eastern enclaves, one of the 60-year-old robots from the board spoke candidly to the media about the challenges facing rugby.

“It’s going to be a new experience for these guys,” it said.

“It’s not like we’ve told people to stay away, either! Please come! Please! Playing in front of nobody. Not even their parents!”

“Can you imagine not playing rugby in front of your parents?! Not having your Dad yell at you for 40 minutes before he tries to chin one of the other dads for telling him to shut up? That’s what these boys are going through right now,”

“This coronavirus has the potential to put rugby to sleep like the 16-year-old tumour-riddle labrador it is! Jesus H. Christ! Can you imagine?”

More to come.







