First of all, you can't be acting like a fuckboy when you've got a face like a foot. It just doesn't work. If hot men treat women badly, it's because they're complex, deep and mysterious beings we can fawn over. How can we ever hope to understand the tragically beautiful and forgivable actions of such a gorgeous and sensitive soul/butt? If you have a face like Jay Z and cheat, however, you're an asshole. You're punching above your weight as it is, don't be getting cocky mate.

Sadly, the phenomenon of the ugly fuckboy has come all too common, with men like Jay Z thinking money and fame can compensate for an overall aura of 'meh'.

With the banger that is Lemonade, many assumed Jay Z already cheated, tweeting him with rage stronger than Solange in that elevator. I assumed, however, it was a publicity stunt because it seemed insane that he would risk such a perfect relationship and lifestyle to get his little willy wet for five minutes. He wouldn't be that stupid, surely? It would look like some beautiful nightmare.

But alas, it turns out 'Becky with the good hair' is an actual person, and Beyonce might be smashing his car, but he's also smashing her at night, even when she knows EXACTLY where his bits have been. You aren't crazy in love, just crazy for putting up with that.

You're not on the Jeremy Kyle Show, B, you can do so much better! I don't buy this 'mistake' garbage, you don't just fall into a vagina. It takes time, pre-emption and planning. If someone is making plans like that behind your back, you're better off being a single lady. Don't be one of those giant Sports Direct mugs.

Honestly, if you're that desperate for gratification and your lady isn't around, just do what any self-respecting man would to and have a wank into an old sock. You want a man who puts your love on top, not someone who's on top of another woman.