BLACK ROCK DESERT, Nevada–Hillary Clinton, under pressure to show a common touch after her much-derided appearance at the Iowa State Fair, decided to hold a fundraiser at the Burning Man festival this week. However, sources close to the campaign said that she was “really disappointed” with the results.

“We came away with two back massages, a pound of lentils, and a whole lot of weed,” admitted campaign spokesman Doug Macreavy. “While we didn’t expect Wall Street-level donations, this was below what we were hoping for.”

Burning Man expert Jonathan Dill noted that “you wouldn’t expect a far-right candidate like Clinton to get very far here,” adding that “it’s hard to imagine anyone more conservative–what would that even look like?”

According to Macreavy, Clinton’s next event to show her connection to regular people will be to line up a bunch of working-class people in Ohio and fly her jet down low over their heads.



Clinton was disappointed to learn that this was not the prototype of a Pentagon Walking Death Robot.