Have you ever known that you wanted to cook, (or bake, or run, or talk, or write), or let’s say do…something, but you don’t really know what? You aren’t sure which activity to choose, or even when you do if it is the right source for your current motivation…but I guess, in all reality, it’s a place for your energies to go.

Well, I’m clearly in that mood. To be honest, gone are the days of diligently filling my journal and more often than not what it was filled with was nonsensical analysis and longing anyways, or in other words (ssshh), “my bad days”. I think often the only reason there was an entry at all was because in that moment I needed something to do and somewhere to put my mind. Busy hands, busy mind…busywork some would say?

Essentially, is our whole life busywork? This is a very warped and skewed view on this I realize, but really, truly, if we overthink it…what does all the good we do achieve? I mean, the Doctor, the Lawyer, and the Panhandler…they all end up in the same place, don’t they? Whether you raise 14 children, 14 cats, or 14 herb gardens (which by the way I won’t be doing as I just managed to successfully kill my dill in 1 week), at the very end…you end up the same. So, that brings me full circle to the meaning of life I suppose.

That’s a big one. A big one that I probably should not tackle. I guess the meaning of life can be different for different people, but it’s a question as old as time itself. If you are Catholic it means one thing (heaven…hell…purgatory), if you are a Buddhist it means another, and really I think how educated you are and what part of the world you are from can impact your meaning too. I mean, there are people out there fighting to stay alive against all odds, and yet in Western culture we take our own because we aren’t sure what to do with them.

So, what is the meaning of life? I can safely say that I know that I don’t know. I can make something up based on all the little “isms” I’ve heard over the years, and I truly wish that I could believe what I tell myself to believe at all times. My mom thinks it’s about using the talents you have and hoping that there really is something bigger than us at the end.

I do the very best I know how – the very best I can; and I mean to keep on doing so until the end. – Abraham Lincoln

I can sum up to the best of MY abilities (and I only claimed President in elementary school), something a little like this: Live as much as you can while you are here, laugh, cry, think, don’t think, be good to people, always try your hardest, don’t take things too seriously, take some things seriously, and hope that when your end comes you can look back and say “Life is complicated and I did my best”.

I am not sure a world without regret exists, because even if everything happens for a reason or you did what you thought was right at the time…circumstance changes and you change – so your view on how something played out over time will change too. And once upon a time I naively believed that if you lived your life the way you should – you would wake up one day just peachy keen. But, with age and experience I have realized that no matter the situation, that will change too. So, maybe we are human afterall and even if we are content one day, we may be sad the next…Maybe, just maybe, that is just the rollercoaster we call life.

“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness is. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.” – Albert Camus

The Ginga Ninja