Millennials are the most sexually liberated generation in human history — so liberated that they are constantly having to invent words for all the things they are attracted to, particularly in the light of the new genders being discovered all the time.

Whereas previous generations held their Tupperware parties and church dances, millennials host sex toy parties and partner up via Tinder. Boomers go mall walking; millennials go slut walking. And they are intent on providing comprehensive LGBTQIAP+ sex education to other people’s children at younger ages than ever before.

Of course, increased promiscuity carries an elevated risk of sexually transmitted disease. Just as people are exponentially more likely to catch a cold in crowded public areas than they are in the privacy of their own homes, the more sexual partners one has, the more likely one is to experience periodic genital oozing.

Yet for all the social progress we made during the Obama era, there still remains a negative perception of STDs and the people who transmit them. We as a society would never sneeze-shame a sufferer of the common cold, so why does California remain the only state in which it is socially acceptable to knowingly infect someone with an STD?

Fortunately, millennials are also the generation of proactive (i.e., progressive activist) solutions. Which is why millennials are voluntarily becoming infected with sexually transmitted diseases.

#Volunteer4VD is the progressive movement to normalize STDs while celebrating the diverse ways in which Mother Nature seeks to render us sterile and potentially disfigured.

Throughout the nation, the haves are sharing with the have-nots and the Crabs with the Crab-nots . Millennials are Hi-Fiving each other, and everybody is Clapping.

I was afraid I might miss out on this opportunity to be the change I wish to see in the world, since I’m still pretty sore from my latest gender reassignment surgery. Fortunately my theyfriend Sharon is on her period and in the midst of a full-blown genital herpes outbreak. So she’s hanging on to her used tampons for me. It truly is the Gift That Keeps on Giving. Reginald Pierson Croft IV, millennial reporter for NPC Daily

STDs aren’t a problem. The stigma surrounding STDs is. As progressives, we need to normalize STDs as much as possible by encouraging people to contract more of them.

Diversity is our greatest strength — and it’s clearly one of Mother Nature’s as well.