EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT

An inner-city gathering has today gone from classy shindig to major pissup after the arrival of local gronk, Jared Rook.



Announcing his presence by bursting through the door and screaming ‘YEEEEWWW’, a red-eyed Jared [34] was desperately trying to cling to his high before succumbing to what will be a truly shocking comedown.



His enthusiasm, most likely brought on by a cheeky bump, is a bit too much for three in the afternoon.



“Is that Coles radio?”



“What a TUUUUUUUUNNNNE.”



“What’s everyone doing tonight? Laruche?”



When his energy fails to get a rise out of anyone, Jared begins to pull out an assortment of shit tier illegal goods from his bumbag.



“Who wants some jungle juice?”



“I brought Soju. It’s like 20% alcohol haha.”



“We should make picklebacks.”



“…shiiiiiit I feel a bit dusty ha.”



Jared disappears to the bathroom where he violently hacks and spits for a good three minutes. He later reappears looking refreshed, having dispelled 48 hours of various liquids from his abused gut.



“I just speeeeewed.”



“Oh god, I feel so much better haha. I’ll be good now.”



“Tactical vom to carry on.”



More to come.