HARTFORD, CT—Noting that they had never seen such a bold and impressive show of dominance, Burkart Industries employees confirmed Monday that account analyst Ken Perlis just looked like a total badass when he threw a fit and stormed out of the room during a meeting. “He closed his laptop right in the middle of Dave’s presentation, whined for a little while that he was tired of no one listening to his ideas, and walked right out—it was the most epic thing I’ve ever seen,” said awestruck witness Jessica Gelber, adding that the complete rebel had raised his voice to such a volume during his tantrum that people could hear him through the conference room wall. “He paused in the doorway as if he was about to say something, but instead just rolled his eyes and sighed really loud. Then he slammed the door behind him—actually slammed it on the rest of us. Just a beast.” At press time, the most undeniably hardcore employee the company had ever seen was carefully composing an apology email to his supervisor.

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