Whatever Best Fruits You

We’ve all been there, right? It’s time for our daily fruit mask and we’re out of the fruit face cream, so we spend hours pressing a whole apple against our cheeks only to come away with little more than a sore jaw and some skin in desperate need of rejuvenation.

Okay, maybe we haven’t all been there. Maybe only a few of us have been there. And maybe by ‘few,’ we mean one of us has been there, and maybe it was me, and I only did it because I needed a lead-in to the write-up for this thing, because otherwise what is there really to say about a blender that makes smoothies to smear all over your face?

Okay, fair: it’s not just blended fruit. It’s fruit and “Age-Defying Mask Capsules” which definitely makes this sound way less hokey! You blend them together and make a mask rich with nutrients that’ll make everyone say, ‘Wow! What smooth, beautiful skin you have!’ And also, ‘Why do I keep catching a whiff of… is that peaches? Is someone making a crumble?’

Look, you’re always telling us you want some goofier shit for sale here. And we get it. Part of the whole thing about one deal each day is that it’s not super practical. There’s a chance that we sell a portable air conditioner exactly when you’re like, ‘oh, I could really use a new portable air conditioner.’ But most of the time it goes the other way: we sell an air conditioner that you don’t think you need, then a month later, you’re like, ‘Shit! I coulda used that!’; or, even worse, we sell an air conditioner for super cheap… the day after you bought one at retail price.

In other words, we get why you want more of the stuff that makes you think, ‘lol, okay, why not!’

So, consider this Vitamask an olive branch! One with a lot of olives on it. Which you can pick, pit, and combine with an Age-Defying Mask Capsules, to make a delightful facial tapenade! You’re welcome, friends!