Transcript

(lively accordion music)

Every once in a while I think, it would be nice

to have a bacon and tomato sandwich.

(laughs)

Oh, dear.

So why didn't you, Razie?

What were you worried would happen?

Well, I'm going to skirt around your question,

because I'm not sure what the question is.

Well, why do you still keep kosher?

Well,

before you jump off, it seems as though...

It's a hole new experience, a whole new life,

and,

and do you dare.

You're torn between the safety of where you are

and the loyalty...

To the parents.

And I can't help but wondering

whether it's,

it's something that's part of the jeans

or part of the brain pattern.

I think that for me,

this is the essential part of the documentary.

So, what were your parents like?

Well, I always found they were a bit distant.

Dad was quite stern and very observant,

but I think it was mostly because his mum,

my bubbe, Esther,

was very strict with him.

Dad once told me the story about bubbe

to make sure I behaved.

Bubbe Esther had a twin sister named Gurdie,

and they were very close, practically inseparable.

But Gurdie had a mischievous side and was always

getting herself and Esther into trouble.

Well, one time the girls were doing something they weren't

supposed to be doing, when a neighbour happened to see.

(popping)

(chuckles) In this little community,

word spread quickly, and when the Rabbi found out,

(yelling crowd) things really got out of hand.

He got the whole community worked up,

and soon there was a big commotion.

(yelling crowd)

The only way to make things right

was for Esther to be punished.

And she was.

Can I ask how she was punished?

Well,

I'd rather not talk about it.

Was your mom also religious?

I think a lot of mom's ideas came from this Rabbi.

I can't remember his name anymore,

he was always talking about sin and the end of the world.

He would say that modern society is wicked,

and was that faith was our only weapon.

Which is funny because years later he was arrested

for selling guns.

Where was I?

Faith.

In some ways it's like believing in ghosts or Santa,

or the Tooth Fairy,

but kids are usually taught that those things are imaginary.

And when did you come to learn that?

Well I wish that my story was a bit more interesting,

like if I had questioned God about suffering a tragic loss,

or wrestled with accepting my son being gay.

But my adult life hasn't been that interesting.

It was simple, and nice.

I married a decent man, had four wonderful children,

raised a nice Jewish family.

And then two years ago I started using the internet.

My journey on the internet began by accident.

I was looking for a recipe, but I quickly

became fascinated by the Google.

I would start typing a sentence

and it would guess the ending.

I didn't appreciate it right away,

but there was something profound about that.

Some of my most intimate thoughts and questions

were shared.

Were so common,

that the Google could anticipate it.

That feeling of connectedness,

it was more than I ever got from going to Synagogue.

Well, as you can imagine it was a first step

on a slippery slope.

And I went very quickly from Julia Child

to Christopher Hitchens.

It soon became very difficult for me to believe

such incredible nonsense anymore.

It was like something shifted,

and the world was a bit different.

So you became an apostate?

Well I prefer non-believer.

Maybe infidel.

But you still have some reservations?

Well I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit nervous,

old habits die hard, I guess.

What are you nervous about?

I don't even know.

Some sort of punishment, I guess.

The end of the world.

God's wrath.

This, uh,

what you're filming now,

is just a small, meaningless gesture.

But, it's more than that too,

it's a symbolic advancement of reason over faith.

Now and then I hear people saying that it takes courage

to be faithful, ha!

There's nothing courageous about it.

Faith is belief without evidence.

It comes from Iron Age superstitions.

Our fear of the dark.

But we know better now.

It's courageous to choose the truth,

even if it means abandoning what you know.

So, Razie, how was it?

Seemed perfectly okay.

I was not stricken down by

a heavy arm of the Lord.

I seemed to have survived fine,

and I didn't throw up. (laughs)

It was a good breakfast.

(lively accordion music)