Image: Courtesy Cargo What’s the hottest gift this holiday season? An L.O.L. Surprise doll? A Nintendo Switch? Fortnite llama swag? What’s the hottest gift this holiday season? An L.O.L. Surprise doll? A Nintendo Switch? Fortnite llama swag?

It’s a Robert Mueller devotional candle. No, you fool.

Behold: the Special Counsel’s sturdy face, looking zen AF. Now imagine: a flickering flame above him, ushering in indictments and flipping Trump cronies like Sunday-morning pancakes. As it burns, evidence of collusion mounts. It is all you could ever want, embellished with rhinestones.

They've been selling faster than plea deals, so Cargo is currently out (stay tuned for updates), but they can be found for $12–14 on Winter's website. These visionary creations are the handiwork of artist Clare Winter, who made them in collaboration with Portland store Cargo.

And when you're done offering prayers to our Patron Saint of Juicy Court Filings, don't fret: Ruth Bader Ginsburg longevity candles are up next. Hopefully with extra-fancy collars.