John Quaintance recently tweeted photos of two whiteboards listing phrases banned in the Workaholics writers’ room. His tweet has been widely shared, and is a mitzvah to all writers.

These phrases are all clams — jokes that aren’t funny anymore and therefore need to die. When you include them in a script, you’re evoking the rhythm of comedy without the content of comedy. They’re not just cliché; they’re hollow.

I asked Godwin to type them up so we could discuss them on the next Scriptnotes, where we look into their origins and ways to write around them.

I’m posting them here so you can read along. You can also download them as a PDF if you’d like a copy for your wall.

___? More Like ___.

Can You Not?

…I Can Explain!

Let’s Not And Say We Did

I Didn’t Not ___

Va-Jay-Jay

Wait For It…

Just Threw Up In My Mouth.

Really?

Good Talk

And By ___ I Mean ___

Check Please!

Awkward!

Shut The Front Door!

Lady Boner

Rut-Roh!

I Think That Came Out Wrong.

Uh…Define ___.

No? Just Me.

Why Are We Whispering?

That Went Well…

Stay Classy

I’m A Hot Mess!

That’s Not A Thing

It’s Science

Bacon Anything

Cray-Cray

Real Talk

#Nailed It

Random!

Awesome Sauce

Thanks…I Guess

Little Help?

Laughy McLaugherson

___ Dot Com

I Love Lamp.

Oh Helllll Naw!

#Epic Fail

Did I Just Say That Out Loud?

Food Baby

Douche (Nozzle)

Soooo, That Just Happened

Squad Goals

I Just Peed A Little

Too Soon?

Spoiler Alert

Um…In English Please

Note To Self

Life Hack

Best. ___. Ever. (or Worst. ___. Ever.)

It’s Giving Me All The Feels.

Garbage People

That Happened One Time!

Well Played

I’m Right Here!

Hard Pass

Are You Having A Stroke?

Go Sports!

Zero Fucks Given

We Have Fun

Who Hurt You?

I Absorbed My Twin In The Womb

I’ll Take ___ For $500, Alex.

Thanks Obama

Wait, What?

Shots Fired

Sharkweek

You Assclown

Ridonkulous

Bag Of Dicks

Hey, Don’t Help.

Debbie Downer

I Can’t Unsee That.

That Just Happened.

See What I Did There?

I’ll Show Myself Out.

Here’s The Line, Here’s You.

___ On Steroids/Crack.

Swipe Right.

White People Problems.

I Could Tell You But I’d Have To Kill You.

That’s Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

I Think We’re Done Here