What’s that you say? You say that “Ants” were too small- and not fuzzy enough? You say you’d like something a little bigger- but just as deadly? And- you’d like some coffee along with it all? Well, my friends, tonight on MeTV, we’ve got just what you’re looking for! What has eight legs and flies? One of the poisonous passengers aboard an airplane that contains “Tarantulas: The Deadly Cargo”!

Things are a little tense in Guatemala- a couple scheming pilots are trying to take off with a huge load of coffee beans that’ll bring them a tidy sum- but the local federales won’t let them leave with the coffee (translation: how about a bribe?) Our two flyboys raise their bribe money by setting up a secret deal to transport some illegal immigrants along with the coffee, and take off successfully.

The only problem is that, among the coffee beans, are a lot of hairy stowaways ( not the immigrants- spiders!) When the weather starts getting rough, the immigrants spill the beans that are locked in the hold with them, releasing the spiders- and that’s just the beginning of the problems on this flight. There’s a mechanical problem with the plane, forcing it to make an emergency landing in a California town known for producing oranges. Meanwhile, the energetic spiders have made their way into the cockpit- resulting in a crash landing!

All sorts of local townsfolk head to the crash site to help, and remove victims of the crash, made worse when fire breaks out. The fire drives the tarantulas away from the plane and into the surrounding orange grove.

The town’s old doctor is confused by the symptoms exhibited by the still-surviving victims, especially one of the townsfolk who was at the site and suddenly collapsed. While investigation continues, more deaths ensue. The mayor, who just happens to run the orange-processing plant, wants to keep everything hush-hush, in fear of any news going public affecting the sale of the oranges, which would bring financial ruin to their town.

When discoveries are made about the cause of the deaths and the reasons the spiders would be drawn to the orange plant, the locals argue about how to handle the major disaster looming- and various actions are taken by both sides. Will the various factions help or hurt the situation? The showdown takes place in the orange packing plant, which may be the place certain townsfolk pack it in permanently!

Similar to our feature last week, this 1977 made-for-TV movie has a lot of familiar faces, including Claude Akins ,Howard Hesseman, and a guy we’ve chatted with a couple times in the past- Tom Atkins of “Halloween III” fame. In our Sven segments, we have another familiar face; our friend comedian Dana Gould drops by to chat about Mr. Akins, killer insect films that didn’t quite work, and some of his latest projects. Of course, we have a new song for you as well, that you might recognize, since it relates to one cast member.

“Tarantulas: The Deadly Cargo” crash-lands on MeTV tonight at 8 pm eastern/pacific, 7 central, or, if you’re unsure about when and where to find us, check your local listings, or at www.metv.com . Again, there have been channel changes in L.A., Seattle, and St. Louis, so that MeTV site’s “where to watch” tab can help you find the current channels in those locations. Once again, let me remind you that MeTV encourages you to “live –Tweet” during the show on Twitter, and use the hashtag #svengoolie if you do. Last week, we ended up trending among the top Tweets again, thanks to our viewers. This morning in the Chicago area, WCIU, the U, will be infested by “Ants!” at 11 am.( You’d think the cold snowy weather would keep that from happening… at least tarantulas are prepared, with their little fur coats!)

The C2E2 convention has announced that I will be doing TWO days there this year! They want me to do a special panel, talking about my career, and doing a q. and a. session, so I hope you’ll plan to visit with me at Chicago’s McCormick Place on April 6th or 7th. There will be a lot of really great guests, as always, along with some of the greatest costumes you’ll ever see! You can check out the info at www.c2e2.com .

Stock up on oranges and insecticide and join us tonight on MeTV!