SCP-1938-J

Item #: SCP-1938

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: Due to the risk of a TK-class Technological Collapse Event, SCP-1938 is to be kept away from computers computing devices anything with a goddamn network interface at all costs.

Description: SCP-1938 is Dr. Mary-Ann Walker, a Level 2 anthropology researcher currently employed by the Foundation at Humanoid Containment Site 06-3 with the anomalous ability to infect any electronic device with a multitude of viruses, malware, and spyware within hours of use. SCP-1938 also has a catastrophic effect on the behavior of site information technology and security personnel, forcing them to laugh uncontrollably, break down into tears, then become incoherently angry at life (generally in that order).

This ability is suspected to result from SCP-1938's inability to understand that all those retarded "click me" emails aren't actually telling you that you won some stupid prize or that a hundred puppies will die if you don't forward the goddamn thing.

SCP-1938 came to the attention of Site 06-3's technical staff following an incident in which she reported sluggish computer performance and requested assistance. The responding technician performed a cursory inspection of the affected terminal and discovered that its hard drive contained a physically impossible amount of viruses.

Addendum 1938-1: Researcher Note

As a reminder to all site staff, if you're gonna prank each other with this kind of stuff, keep it to yourselves and don't "accidentally" file personal documentation in the primary containment database. And, no, I'm not authorizing the request to ban Dr. Walker from the network. She needs to work, and you need to keep her terminal working. Dr. ████ ████

Site Director, Humanoid Containment Site 06-3

Addendum 1938-2: Technician Note

With all due respect, you realize that she infected her phone with a virus, right? It's not even a smartphone! ████ █████

Information Technology, Humanoid Containment Site 06-3

Addendum 1938-3: Researcher Note

Not funny, guys. This was mean and completely out of line. Dr. Mary-Ann Walker

Researcher, Anthropology Department Win $5000 in cold hard cash! Click here to register for our FREE daily drawing! NEED MORE OOMPH IN BED?! Show your girlfriend how a real man feels! Gain 3 inches overnight! Free discreet online gambling! Join today and get 50,000 free chips! sex porn poker awesome great amazing free safe winner totally not a virus

Addendum 1938-4: Researcher Note