Giving the people what they want, that’s what this blog is all about. The people have spoken, they want Ontario Election coverage despite the fact that Ontario itself does not give a fuck.



There is an online tool that places you on the political spectrum along with the major parties at play in Ontario, give it a try and compare it to our results. I polled everyone here at RTARL and despite some initial problems the data is in.





Comprehensive Outline Of Our Parliamentary Political System

1. It’s pretty stupid

2. It’s better than America’s

3. First Past The Post is stupid

4. We need mixed-member proportional representation



4 Political Parties



NDP - Wannabe socialists with weak will and little talent

Liberal - Failing political party dynasty of nepotism and incompetence

Green - Has the most universally likable platform, zero shot of winning

PC - Conservative austerity pushing douchebags





Moving on, elections can be called when a political party cannot pass a budget. Scandal riddled Liberal party tried to appease the NDP with a budget that greatly appealed to their platform. NDP then overplayed their hand and demanded an election that the NDP are not likely to win. So instead of a socialist style budget (consumer protections, higher minimum wage) we might have an austerity driven conservative one (massive lay-offs).



Way to fucking go everyone, voter turnout will be very, very low. You cannot vote for which political leader you want, you vote for your local representative by party lines. For example, let’s say the Conservative candidate in your area is the best woman for the job. She’s brilliant, empathetic and hard working. You cannot vote for her though if you are scared of the Conservative party plan to lay off 100,000 government workers. You must strategically vote Liberal or NDP. Now the left vote is split between the NDP, Green and Liberal parties, each claim voting for the other is a vote for the Conservatives. This cuntery of a system is why you have attack ads claiming a vote for socialism is by proxy a vote for conservatism. Confusing eh? Below we plot how RTARL would vote in this clusterfuck of a mediocre bullshit election.



MS621, He Who Takes A Screenshot With His Mouse In The Way

Call that a vote for the Liberal party, I am disappoint.

Jesus Tralfaz, He Who Hates The Spelling Of Labour

NDP vote, my man.



Spencer “I Left My Heart In Mogadishu” 096

What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?

Liberal vote. Bleech.



Myself, He With The Unkempt Beard Full Of Dog Hair



Fuck yeah. I’m even wearing an orange t-shirt today (actually a Clemson shirt). NDP vote.

Results



RTARL polling predicts with a sample of four, three of which are dirty foreigners ineligible to vote, a coalition NDP/Liberal or Liberal/NDP government. So uh, almost nothing will change. Welcome to the exciting world of Ontario politics.