



The Essendon Football Club is seeking a motivated individual to coach their senior team in 2016.

Ideally, the candidate will have not seen any media for about three years and will therefore be keen to work at one of the AFL’s most professional clubs.

The Essendon Football Club offers some of the most generous conditions for a senior coach.

These include a one year on, one year off flexi-arrangement on full pay, an investment in post-university study, overseas travel and a high tolerance for shenanigans.

It is almost impossible to get sacked, you have to really work at it.

The successful candidate will:

• Not be married to a lawyer

• Have an understanding of high level football tactics like ‘playing a ruckman’ or ‘not playing defenders as key forwards’

• Hate the French

• Have some insight into their own personality and behaviour

• Be willing to work on a ‘no-win-no-fee’ basis

• Think a supplement is Deep Heat

• Enjoy a certain level of uncertainty over what players will be available for selection in the future

• Not be Mark Neeld

• Not be a previously beloved champion of the club

If you think this could be you, please get in touch. We really need some help and the AFL aren’t just going to give us a few million to spend on a Paul Roos.

Except for you Terry Wallace, we’ve got your messages and we’re not that desperate.



by Titus O’Reilly

Titus is known as ‘the voice of Australia’s working class’, despite the fact he long lost touch with them and in the main, reality.

