The family’s meeting: I’m a survivor

He often abused of me, almost a daily when he could get me around alone, at the family house, secretly, with tact and softness. It might be that softness which was confusing me. I don’t remember when he started to do so to me, perhaps when I was less than 5 yrs old, but I remember he stopped definitely when I was 9 yrs old. Because, séance after séance, years after years, that began been more painful. That night I shout to him, and .......

My Missing Years

I didn't know it then, but I had just stepped into my own personal hell. For three years, he forced me to sell my body for money, whether it be on the streets, or in 1 of 14 strip clubs I worked in over 3 yrs time. Everytime I tried to leave, he would beat me until I was black and blue all over. Blocking the doorway and shoving me into furniture, throwing hard objects at me, giving me black eyes and choking me until I passed out. Even drugs, oh God, every single day....

Happy Kid

I tried to tell my mom but my dad always threatened me and said that she would not believe me or that I would get into trouble. I would always beg my mother to let me go with her to the store so I could get away from my father. Most of the time I was not allowed to go and had to stay at home with that man. I hated my life worse than anything I wanted to be someone else and have a normal family.

My Life Story~

In July 1994 a month before I turned 12 my mom ran in to my uncle my dad’s brother than that is when I met my father and my mother gave me and my little brother to my father knowing that he had three children for every kind of abuse you can think of. I moved in with him and he started to touch me and having sex with me which he would make me watch dirty movies so that way I would be willing having sex because it would turn me on and it worked (sometimes I think there is something wrong with me because I had sex with my own father) my dad tried to get me pregnant I actually I wanted a child to love me so I can love it back.

It's A Sin To Destroy A Child's Innocence

A vulnerable, young, innocent girl. I sat on peoples laps while they snorted a line of coke or something (at the time i thought that 'their noses made the sugar disappear') watched people heat up their spoon for heroin, weed was a common smell, cigarette butts were everywhere, as well as broken glass and beer cans and whatnot. Sometimes men watched me. When i got bored i would go back to my room. Eventually people would start passing out including my mother. And some man would come into my room. Music was still loud, if there was anyone awake to hear me scream. Any man could have any way with me. At first i screamed bloody murder i remember kicking and biting and pulling wat hair was left on their greasy head, i quickly learned not to make a sound. If i so much as quietly gasped i would get hit or whatnot i remember choking because guys would stick their c***s down my throat. It felt horrible. Have you ever tried swallowing a rough, hairy banana whole. Like that but a lot less pleasant

Responding to the Bullycides:

According to the Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network’s (GLSEN) National 2009 School Climate Survey, nearly 9 out of 10 LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) students experienced harassment at school in the past year, and nearly two-thirds felt unsafe because of their sexual orientation.

A Long, Terrifying Path to Freedom

At this point I was scared and shaking, I didn't want to have sex yet, I was 17 and I wasn't ready. He continued to pressure me and then he moved his hands down to my pants. He unbuttoned my pants and pulled them and my underwear down, he then took my shirt and bra off. G then left the room to get a condom and I layed there frozen, crying, and scared out of my mind. He came back and massaged my legs so that they could relax enough for him to get in. I was crying and he didn't care, inside my mind I was screaming for help and.....

~Raped My Soul~

Life continued on. He was still abusive, still mean. But there were days when he made me feel like the only one on earth. The sex was so passionate. Sex is emotion in motion. We were both very angry people. We had great sex. All the while I knew he had lied about the vestal girl. I knew there was way more to the story than he would tell me. I am after all Wicklander trained. He used to make me feel so stupid. Most of our fights were over me asking him a question about that night. I couldn’t help it. I had so many questions and no answers. I couldn’t continue to live like we were without going crazy.

WORDS OF A VICTIM

My tears were blood, my life was a joke. I always knew, I was sent here as a lab rat, figuring out every piece of my body. Mondays were body checkups. Father would press on my nipple and describe its features like a fat kid describing his favorite cake. I had many sores, I was use to abuse. My mission was to end the day I die. Till death do us part?

Spankings!

He made me do chores around the church yard. I was a lonely little girl and liked the attention. Then one day he swatted my pants. I told mom and she told me I had better behave then. Another time I knocked a vase off of a shelf. He put me across his lap and spanked my pants. That got my attention. It was real warm to sit and he sat me facing the corner. He was stern. I got home and told mom. She called him and nothing came of it!

My Life & My Survival

It started at age 5. I used to watch my mother and step father fight they would use knifes cutting each others arms till one day my mom could not take any more. She got up one morning and packed and left never came back for me or my 3 siblings.



Days past then it was my 5 th birthday. It started normally. I had a party and after the party my step father gave baths to my 2 brother and my sister than it was my turn. It was normal for him to give me a bath as he was washing me he hand got closes and closes to my vagina.....

Tips and suggestions on how someone can leave an abusive relationship.

Leaving an abusive relationship can be hard. It is not easy as one thinks. Once you are in an abusive relationship it is like a trap that has no open ends to it. However, after being in the field of Psychology and meeting several clients going through the same, I thought I could perhaps write something about it.

This Is My Story!

VERY EXPLICIT! The abuse started with a simple kiss here and there all the while telling me, "I was daddy's little darlin". He never did "hurt" me.He was very loving and said he loved me often. He made me feel specaisl. I donb't remember how old I was when he took things to the next level. It was a "mormal" relationship between him and I, I was his "little darlin" and I knew he belonged to me and I to him. I remember being 9 or so and having "sex' with him. Sex then was him touching me and having me touch him, kissing and oral sex......

I SURVIVED...

There was one night, he came home and the house wasn't neat and tidy to his expectations and I was to blame obviously. It didn't matter that I was so sick that I was barely able to get out of bed. That night was the night that I knew that I had to leave. After he finished beating me, he left to go to another bar. Right then I packed up some of mine and my daughters stuff and left. I was so scared as I had no where to go, I lost everything I had before, I had only a little bit of money I had hidden away in case of emergency...

MY WHOLE LIFE WAS A LIE!!!

One of the earliest things I can remember was when he took me into him and my moms bathroom and pulled out his penis. He just asked me for a massage. He said, "Here put your hand on it like this, don't be afraid". I gave him a weird look but he just laughed and pulled my hands and placed my fingertips around it. He pressed my fingertips against it while moving it in circles. I remember him saying, "see, just a massage" and he smiled. He let go and told me, "here you try it" so I just stood there giving him what I thought as a massage. I was like 5 at the time.

NO-WHERE TO RUN!

When I was thirteen my mother and I had a falling out and she sent me to live with my sister. I ended up living in a dope house in one of the worst areas in Vegas. I could never find my sister and I wasn't speaking to my mother so I was alone and scared. I met a man twenty two years my senior named Mark.

This Is My Story

I was 11, I didn't know I was being set up. I went to bed in nothing but a night shirt and panties like always. Then I felt the heaviness of him climbing into the bed.He spooned behind me and started kissing the back of my neck and rubbing his hands all over me.I could feel his erection against me and closed my eyes and waited till he was done.

I was a Molested Child

As scary as it is, I wish someone had given it to my mother when I was growing up. She married not one, but two child molesters. second (my stepfather) was the one who molested me for 9 years of my childhood (from the ages of 9 to 17) and also my sister. And my mother "didn't see it....."

There will come a day, when you will smile again.

"But, farther down the road I would be looking at the heavens with tears in my eyes and bruises on my body screaming "What did I do to deserve this !"

Mother and Me

"when my father would beat me, my mother was either cooking, watching tv, or just participating in this abuse..."

Once Abused, Now Free

"He put his hand over my mouth and because of my tears, I couldn't breath through my nose. I thought I would die...."

Subtle, Consistent Emotional Abuse

"he would convince me that I was "too sensitive" or that "he didn't mean it the way I took it". He was so good at convincing me that this was my problem that I didn't even realize it was happening. To be honest....."

A Painful Childhood

"At times there was someone on top of me. Lots of cops. I was no longer an innocent girl. It was unbearable to see the other girls being raped and beaten in front of me...."

My Father Raped My Mother

"She opened the door and told me to go, she'd be right behind me. I stood there glued to that spot; I was too terrified to move....."

Tears

VERY GRAPHIC "He brought me into his room and sat on the bed. He pulled me to him and pulled down my pants and underwear...."

Heartbreak

"I ask him whats bothering him. He says nothing. I keep asking him and he gets mad this time and puts his hands around my neck. I was terrified and he knew I was........"

I Survived

"I had to take my 3 kids and leave myself or stay there with him. I had barely any money and no place to go. I had no choice but to move in with Michelle again, this was right upstairs. For months I endured so much. I would call police and nothing would happen......."

My Life as a Survivor

"My father was a member of the hells angels biker gang, and my mom was just one of his regular ladys....."

Girl Not Yet a Woman

"I cut myself many times engraving 'I hate myself' 'life is only for the weak' 'friends become deadly but family is worse' and I started feeling better so I did it more and more often more and more deep more and more deadly ,cutting veins and muscles and anything that would bleed to show how depressed I was....."

Dominique's Life

"The sexual abuse by my father started when I was about 10 years old. My father came in the room when it was late at night and he was drunk. My sister and I slept on a bunk bed and I was on top. He would come to give me his "massages". He would touch my breast but not the nipples. Touch my pubic and my butt but never inserted his fingers inside. I was afraid and did not move and he used to say that "he did that because he loved me"...."

I Loved Him But I Hated Him

"I'm so ashamed of his behavior but never told anyone. I was afraid my mother would'nt believe me and I really had no proof from anyone else. I guess my distrust in men comes from knowing what my father did...."

I Am a Survivor

"I cried for a year, I continue to heal everyday.

I studied many techniques - meditation, went into therapy. I'm so thankful for everyday - but I know deep inside there is still a little girl - she's still scared..."

What a Fool I Was

"The abuse started so soon after we were married that I almost can not remember a time that he was not sexually, mentally or physically abusing me. It started out with a slap here and there..."

Confusion

"Confusion- He tried to kiss me constantly. He said, "This is how they kiss in France." I was not so eager to go along with that part, and I thought it felt bad. Every time, I had to sit in his lap. Sometimes we went to the men's room, sometime the women's. We would hide in the men's room and..."

The Day I Loved and Lost

"That night I walked home in the pouring rain and in the dark on my own, half drunk very annoyed and very hurt. When I arrived home..."

Can't Let Go

"I have come from a past abusive relationship that lasted off and on for about three years. Great at the beginning, so I thought, but slowly I started realizing that he was manipulating and deceitful."

I guess my twin is a porn star

"Our relationship turned into a hopeless cycle of me trying to change myself and please him and then him complaining about something that made me 'never quite good enough.' Conversations were filled with tension. I read so many relationship books, did the counseling, everything he said he needed to make the relationship work, but there was always something else."

Love and War

"Yet little did I know of the darkness that lay waiting in his soul.

It crept out little by little at first. Like a low fog on an autumn morning.

Insidious, vague and dangerous."

My abuser said- "Do as I say OR I will rape your daughter!!!"

"Tim’s eyes went black, the veins bulged thru his neck, his face turned red and I could feel the hate radiate from his body. With full rage he lunged toward me, grabbed me by the neck, pinned me up against the wall and squeezed my throat that I was unable to speak. He said “I will guarantee your silence and if you ever decide to cross me or disobey me, I will rape your daughter then move on to your grandmother”."

Sticks and Stones Feel Better Than Words

"I didn’t care if someone hurt me I was not afraid to die, I got involved with gangsters, and I was devirginized and committing crimes for them. (Just like my Dad said I would) I never finished school."

Childhood

"Years ago I asked my therapist how long it would take me to get over the abuse, and she said maybe 18 years, since I endured the abuse for 18 years."

Holly's Fight for Justice

"I'm tired and I have to get up early," she said. Rasai ignored the hint. Moving closer, he began touching her. He could kill using only two fingers, he boasted. Weighing 100 pounds to Rasai's 170, Holly was suddenly paralyzed with fear.

My Story

"Near as I remember, the abuse started when I was 4. I don't have a lot of memories from my childhood-which I'm thankful for-but the ones that I do have are painful and usually flashbacks of my father touching me, whispering not to scream or I'd regret it in more ways than one."

The Nightmare of Abuse

"My first husband was physically and mentally abusive to me. He broke my nose, my arm, threw me on the floor, and told me I was nothing but garbage. He told me that I was not even equal to a dog and made me sleep on the floor at night. When I was pregnant with my youngest daughter he pushed me down a flight of stairs."

It Never Ends

It Never Ends, "And then one night, he decided to make good on his threat. He attacked me, beating me severely and threatening me with a knife. He told me he wanted to cut me up into small pieces and flush them down the toilet. I was six months pregnant."

Can't Get A Grip !

Can't Get A Grip!, "I finally got want I wanted from him! Things got smashed I got beat up held in a room for hours!."

Broken

Broken, "Over and over I have asked him to stop. I told him how it made me feel. It degraded me."

Retrospective

In Retrospect, "I wish sometimes things could be different. I wish my family wasn’t so tormented and fragmented and that we could be normal, but I know that is just a dream on my part. The fact is we all have to lead our lives, good, bad or ugly. We all have our own path to walk."

Can't Trust!

I met her 18 months ago and she's so traumatized over this whole thing she said she just doesn't care anymore. She's divorced and a single mom and no longer wants anything to do with men - period. Yeah she's in counseling, that's where I met her - (I almost didn't believe this story when I met her but she has the back up.)

Upsetting Events....But Do Get Better With Time..Sometime!

So everyone that went by me or bothered me in some way, I said something nasty to them. Then I felt bad, and I got depressed, and I felt like cutting my entire arm up instead..... of X marks, and all that.

Searching for Miss Min

She married at twenty-one to escape the pain, to give her an identity. When she found the pornography in her husband’s writing bureau – she’d only wanted to borrow paper for a letter – she asked him if he thought she was pretty. ‘You’re alright,’ he said. ‘You’re no Miss Australia.’ She hadn’t thought to be compared – but he had. Now she became obsessed, comparing herself to every girl on the street, every magazine picture, every television ad. She never came out on top.

ROUGH HARD TIMES!

It will get better, and it takes time. Second I cut, and pick at my skin, and I hope to soon get better by this site. For that’s the reason why I signed up as a member, because I feel it might help me!

A Normal Life? What A Concept!

My life has been somewhat unusual, not so very dramatic, but enough to wish I had a different childhood. During elementary school, so many kids had normal parents and normal lives. Not a day goes by that I do not notice how so many people around me have no idea what they should be grateful for.

A Day In MY Life

A Day In My Life. She came into the bathroom with my little sisters play baseball bat closed the door and sat down on the toilet. She looked into my eyes and asked me again who ate her tuna fish. I said not me! Then at that moment before a blink of my eye she hit me in my head with the bat as I fell into the tub. It hurt so badly because the tub was marble, but she did not care she kept hitting me.

The Power of Five

It worked so well that I decided to incorporate it in my daily routine. Each day after rolling out of bed, I would grope for five things in my life that I am most grateful about. It soon became a habit that my life gradually changed.

I Want To Live

I had 3 children with him in between time and lost permanent custody of all of them almost as soon as I would give birth. Keeping my children wasn't a priority to me or to him. He was killed over a drug deal "gone bad" and I felt like my whole world fell through. I wanted to die too.

Coping with Anger

I would see other girls with their moms and dads and see that life for them was something I would never experience. So I learned to pretend that things were fine. I developed the ability to fool people into thinking that I was a strong woman, and fiercly independant, when deep inside I was scared most of the time.

Pit of Fear

Several hours and many beers later, my dark haired date decided to give me a tour of his trunk. I had not fought the rapes, feeling it could bring more harm to me than I could ward off. I just numbly accepted the sexual abuse that was reaped on me.

Worn Down and Shattered

At age 8, I was sexually molested by a school janitor. Elementary school and highschool was a living Hell: no friends because everyone though I was a freak and a loser,...

Cut The Strings

To the outside world they saw a child who was well cared for and clean. Inside the house was so different, although the surfaces gleamed with polish and the food was on the table, he caused a terror which haunted for years.

Confused

I feel like I have the best husband in the world and everytime I see another woman look his way, I think to myself, gosh she is so much prettier than me. My husband doesn't understand this.

Mihaela Lica - the Show Must Go On

Pamil Visions is a concept elaborated to help new organizations and private entrepreneurs make a professional start in their business. By combining professional public relations expertise and design, companies can better promote corporate image and products or services, delivering quality information meant to attain customer credibility and increase sales. The project initiator is Mihaela Lica, skilled journalist and public relations consultant. This is her story...

Where do I go From here?

I forgive him for hurting me so badly...I think, but the fear of him hurting me again, or just lying to me to make things better eats at me 24/7, and...I STILL HATE MYSELF!

Survivor of Abuse (part 1)

I know what it’s like to be a victim of abuse. I felt at one point I couldn’t go on. I felt alone and that there was no other way out but to end it all.

Life after abuse, there is a rainbow (part 4)

As a child of twelve I was a victim of child molestation. In a foster home, as a teen, I was physically abused.

I Remember When (part 3)

I remember all those bad times—it made me the person I am today.

Don't ever give up (part 2)

At the age of twelve I was molested by a man my mother brought into our home.

Survival: The Victim no more

Survival: I never wanted it. I never said yes, but I never said no. There was no struggle. Stupid girl!!!

Women's Worth

I would be wired for hours and soon he found out that I was doing it and he would take the drug away from me but as soon as he did I would go out and buy some more, I was losing myself.

4 A.M. Confessional

I lost my virginity when I was thirteen, the same night I first got pregnant -- that was three months before the miscarriage I had alone in a white tiled bathroom.

Me, Myself and I..

"I am bi-polar. I am still on medications, but now I have hope. Many of my issues have been addressed"

TIME & DISTANCE... Stands still in cyberspace.

A Poem of surviving after an online relationship. "A whirlwind of sweet nothings typed into the late night"

The Cycle Stops Here

“I don’t give a fuck what your mom said, you do what I say now!”

Cinderella lost her slipper

"The verbal abuse escalated into weapons and the wounds destroyed any love I had once felt for him. One night it escalated to a beating."

Haunted by a secret

"He would tower over me to scare me because I was so petite and he was a big body builder, he'd make me squirm on the floor from fright while he laughed"