We could write these all day. (Sometimes we do.)

DOCTORS

We already know

It's bigger inside than out

Please stop telling us

Third Doctor, Who con

Please don't tell the tale again

About the eyepatch

After one season

Liz Shaw will be sadly missed

By all but Pertwee

UNIT's secret base

With enormous sign out front

Don't tell anyone

Souvenir hunter

Through time, space and old houses

Where'd that compass go?

Action wannabe

Will drive anything for fun

But likes Bessie best

Vital task of day

For Jo on way to UNIT

Choose matching knickers

A Time Lord love match

Doctor, Master, wedded bliss

Well, that's our story

In trouble again

Do you like jelly babies?

Oh, well. Maybe not

Note to Sixth Doctor

Arguing with companion

Isn't exercise

Sixth Doc and Rani

Once lovers in "The Brothers"

A small universe

Poor little Peri

Must get a lot of chest colds

Give the girl some clothes

Novelty waistcoat

Question mark umbrella too

They're having a laugh

The Doctor returns

Half human? I don't think so

Nice new TARDIS though

Paul kisses Daphne

Get your lips away from her

You're breaking canon

A part-time Time Lord

With alternative career

Pro bono lawyer

EPISODES

In trouble at school?

Try kidnapping your teachers

In a police box

Scary? Not very

Only when the lights are on

Please keep the noise down

Disabled TARDIS

Fit for habitation by

Very small Vikings

A hail of bullets

Some primitive dentistry

And a loony tune

Tin men in freezer

Evil foreigners abound

What's this button do?

We want your planet

Covered in foamy goodness

Where did our fleet go?

A mini-Time Lord

Goes home to shop for new face

So that's who he is

Guts on the outside

Is that a fashion statement?

Gold paint is nicer

Crops have failed again

If only life weren't so hard

Too many villains

What's with the mind probe?

Isn't suspicion enough

For ruthless killers?

Third Doctor hunts ghosts

Samples a cheeky vintage

Nicks Gorgonzola

Furry teddy bear

Rudely shaped ambassador

And a proposal

Don't take us back there

It was brilliant the first time

But this is awful

Peril from the deep

But we've seen it all before

In "Silurians"

He's got a sky base

He wants his own planet too

It's all right - he's mad

Dandy, clown, fogey

Three Doctors in deep trouble

Omega is bad

Vicious things, Drashig

All teeth. And teeth. And more teeth

Let me out of here

It's not "The Daleks"

Innovation replaced with

Lectures on courage

I see Wotan's back

This time he's brought some maggots

And green slime too. Eww

Mike Yates a traitor

Companion in fake ship shock

Who would have thought it?

Who'd have thought we'd see

Biggest bang in history

On children's TV?

Transgendered villain

Duck and cover - nuke attack

We'll miss you, Sarah

Ten little androids

Odd-looking country house, though

Look out behind you

Baker and Martin

Feet floating above the ground

So not a good look

Warrior dude, green,

Scattered through time, seeks artists

For fun and profit

Boy with strange habits

Tied up and enjoying it

We don't want to know

Irritating brat

The best thing he did was die

Thank God that's over

Who's half-inched our plane?

Lurking in the Pleistocene

A nasty surprise

Cricket fan doctor

Terileptil in batting gloves

Don't bowl us over

Yodelling tin man

The worst French accent in the world

Hardly masterly

Immortality's

Not all it's cracked up to be

Unless you like stone

Panto horse? High kicks?

Aced it, Doctor: there should have

Been another way

Spotted a maypole?

Don't let them give you a dress

It'll end badly

Giant prawns underground

Look out, he's got a hatstand!

Who's nicked my TARDIS?

Davros is alive?

Why can't the guy take a hint

And die already?

Death by volcano

Companion revolving door

Much smoke without fire

Bye bye, Doctor. Like

They say: it's not just a bunch

Of old caves, you know

Who was it who said

You can't make slug-egg omelette

Without breaking legs?

Go get the welder

Our great Cyberleader wants

His stomach let out

Unfairly accused

Acid bath scene on Varos

He didn't do it

These two are morons

But there's some consolation

My TARDIS is cool

Viva l'Espana

Anyone fancy some lunch?

I'll get my cleaver

Tinselled time passage

If you've got to be banished

Take the scenic route

Welcome. Pick your door

Baby Daleks on the right

Protein on the left

If it looks like Earth

And it has a Central Line

It'll be Earth. Duh

Unclear on what's real?

Don't bother with the red pill

Take the marsh minnow

Four eps of horror

Move along, nothing to see

Except the Valeyard

Bit of a turn-up

He says he's an alien

But hey, whatever

To avoid crisis

Don't let anyone hand you

A load of old balls

Evil wisps of blue

Seeking short holiday let

In our dead grandmas

Just imagine this:

You're about to deal out death

And your zip gets stuck

Feel sorry for me

I've got some bint's DNA

Now I want a tan

Bankers are evil

The media are corrupt

Like you didn't know

I could turn back time

It's no good, we'll all be munched

Bye again, dead Dad

The phone is ringing

Something about a mummy

Maybe it's Sutekh

Chardonnay, handcuffs,

Morality: great first date

Look out guys, surf's up

Turns out that Rose had

A galactic scribbling pad

Don't inhale, Doctor

Christmas horoscope:

Wake not the sleeping Time Lord

Lucky foodstuff: fruit

Fresh out of the fridge

I'm feeling a bit poorly

How about a hug?

Cheeky naked child

Dangerous dog off the lead

We are not amused

Welcome home, Sarah

Your visit was all too short

Come back anytime

Feat of bravery

Dashing knight on a white horse

No match for TB

Tromping Cyberfeet

Mickey in his underpants

Hi, I'm Rose, again

Seen my face at all?

I seem to have misplaced it

Inside the telly

The seed of evil

Or maybe just some vases

Better not to know

Hi, my name's Elton

This really is Doctor Who

Don't change the channel

Will you be my friend?

You'd look so good in charcoal

Pass me that pencil

Goodbye, England's Rose

But can't you please stop crying?

Our screen's getting damp

Halfway down the aisle

Swept away by a Time Lord

How very dare you

Fly me to the moon

You say you're a doctor? Snap

Nice consulting room

Just one trip, he said

No point telling anyone

I'm the Dark Lady

Quarantine warning

It seems the whole place has got

A bad case of crabs

It's like swatting flies

Soon as you get rid of them

Four more come along

It's not all downside

Yes, I'm a people-eater

But hey, I'm not old

Gerroff, that's my sun

Do you like my ViewMaster?

Sure lights up my eyes

Sub rosa Time Lord

An invisible spaceship

What is this - Shada?

Garden ornaments

Munching all your tomorrows

Better stick to gnomes

My evil plans foiled

But this time I'm staying dead

See how you like that

I'm the Fifth Doctor

Perhaps you remember me

I'm much better now

Was that an iceberg?

It would make just as much sense

As these rocky things

Saviour of Oodkind

Fights slavery while wearing

Sweatshop Converses

Reduce your carbon

And we'll all be knee deep in

Sontaran babies

Hi, I'm Jenny Who

Now I use guns, now I don't

Kind of like my Dad

Must be going mad

Could swear I saw a big wasp

Too many sidecars

Fancy a picnic?

Bring some nice meat sandwiches

And something to read

Repeat after me

I'm talking in stereo

Hey, you nicked my words

Diet with Davros:

Making new baby Daleks

Exterminates pounds

Hey! Can you hear me?

I think this cupboard door's stuck

Is anyone there?

Holiday on Mars

Lots of sand, great ice skating

Don't drink the water

The Time Lord diet:

Lose all of your body weight

And be Time Lord Lite

Lost your eel? No prob

Cause I just saw it sideways

It's in the spare room

Cetacean engine

Is not at all a turtle

Nothing to see here

Would you like some tea?

Sorry, I actually meant

Extermination

Statues in the dark

Battling terminal shyness

They're stone cold killers

Fishes with fingers

But there's a time and a plaice

If you catch our drift