It’s pretty commonplace today to hear the prefix “slutty” before every female costume suggestion. I can’t count the number of times I have encountered the following conversation/text/tweet/status:

Person A: Hey, what are you dressing up as for Halloween?

Person B: Hmm, I don’t know yet. Maybe a minion.

Person A: How about a slutty minion?

Replace “minion” with just about any costume idea and you’ll hear some remark about its sexualization. The evidence lines every aisle of your local Halloween shop and the entirety of the internet. Revealing costume after revealing costume. Sexy nurse. Naughty witch. Sexy mermaid. Naughty panda bear. Sexy hipster. Ironically naughty banana. And so it goes.

My original intention was to write a very superficial piece about this phenomenon. I would attempt to make some light of it, make a few slutty cop jokes, and call it a day.

The more I thought about the word “slutty,” however, the more disturbed I became. I will be the first to admit that I use the adjective quite frequently. In general, and particularly around Halloween. I have never paused to reflect on what I am really saying. For some reason, while trying to write this, the use of the word began to bother me.

We sometimes become so desensitized to language that its meaning starts to elude us. Bitch. Slut. Whore. These pejorative terms, used by young and old alike, have become so ingrained in our daily lexicon that many women who are called sluts and bitches laugh along with those who label them. Which is fine, I suppose. Many women, in an effort to reclaim the meaning (and ultimately, the power) of words, proclaim themselves as bitches. As sluts. To transform derogatory terminology into symbols of strength, independence, and sexual freedom.

But how many people are aboard the transformation train? I don’t have statistical data, but I would imagine a far more significant percentage of people use a word like slut to subjugate rather than empower.

We have become so comfortably numb that we fail to truly comprehend the cutting edge of the sharp words we choose. We fail to recognize the wounds we inflict so casually. Have I unintentionally hurt someone by jokingly calling her a slut or a whore because of the decisions she’s made? Decisions that do not affect me.

How many others do the same without a second thought to the damage they unknowingly (or intentionally) deliver? With the advent and rapid growth of social media, the ease with which one can judge and comment on another’s lifestyle, appearance, and moral code is accomplished within seconds. Without forethought or afterthought. Seemingly, without thought at all.

How many times does a young girl laugh on the outside when she’s labeled as a “ho” while being hurt and confused on the inside? How many times can a woman hear that she’s a slut before that becomes enveloped into her identity?

Especially now, with Halloween upon us, when thigh-high stockings and pigtails come out in droves. Along with those who condemn.

What is it about October 31st that gives many women a sense of freedom to express their sexuality with a semblance of social acceptance?

I began to ask my colleagues about their opinions on the matter. I was curious as to how professionals in a mental health clinic view such an increasingly complex situation.

The answers I heard were fascinating. So many different perspectives. So many layers which I had never before contemplated.

One female therapist saw no conflict. Dressing up, revealing or not, for Halloween is fun, especially when surrounded by like-minded friends. She remarked about remaining true to your personal value system. If you feel comfortable wearing as little as possible, go for it. If you don’t, then don’t. As long as you are in your personal comfort zone, judgment is not necessary.

A female psychologist offered a multicultural perspective. She referenced the celebration of Halloween in Spain, with people using the holiday to dress up as something they are not. An opportunity to explore, experiment, or reveal deeper desires that are normally stigmatized on every other day of the year.

I was able to procure a few male opinions. One male co-worker referenced the duality of the male perspective. He admitted to the natural positive response to seeing an attractive female dressed provocatively. He also admitted thinking about the number of women in his life about whom he genuinely cared, and how he would not want them to dress in such a way. He highlighted these kinds of problems as being indicative of our society’s misogynistic tendencies.

Another noted the hypocrisy he has noticed in cultural trends, mentioning the Miley Cyrus twerking debacle at the MTV Video Music Awards. He expressed confusion at the backlash she received because of her sexualized performance followed by the fact that the Miley Cyrus costume (resembling what she wore on stage) is one of the most popular trends this Halloween. Which is true. According to NY Daily News, the “Miley Cyrus Costume” is the second most popular costume search. (If you’re really curious, minion was number one).

Researching a bit further (clicking one extra link), I found that a dating website surveyed over 7,000 men, asking them what the “easiest” women would dress up as this year. Almost 85% of those who responded were confident that they would take home a gal who was dressed as Miley Cyrus.

I won’t even question why a dating website is asking such questions in the first place. (But seriously, why?)

85% of men surveyed thought that just because a girl was dressed as Miley Cyrus, that meant she would be DTF.

Eighty. Five. Percent.

I’ll just leave that statistic, and its implications, right there.

A child and adolescent psychiatrist, who is male, brought up a significant issue pertaining to the population with which he works daily: the early sexualization of children. What message are we sending our youth, visually and verbally? If the “Naughty Leopard” costume, FOR TODDLERS, is any indication, it can’t be a very good one.

Another female psychologist emphasized the contextual landscape in which all these interactions occur. Yes, women have the right to dress as they want on Halloween. On any day. She reminded me, however, that every action has a reaction. Understanding societal norms and cultural mores is pivotal in navigating life’s passageways successfully. To act impulsively, without deeper reflection on an action’s consequences, can set anyone up for traumatic outcomes. Self-awareness is key.

Appreciating these interactions is one of the most fundamental concepts I have learned as a therapist. As an individual who constantly interacts with other individuals.

Humans are social animals, as Aristotle described in Politics. “Society is something that precedes the individual. Anyone who either cannot lead the common life or is so self-sufficient as not to need to, and therefore does not partake of society, is either a beast or a god.”

Whether we like it or not, we belong to groups. Communities. Cultures. Societies. We are born into them, raised by them, rebel against them, destroy and create them. We live in a world of intersubjectivity.

We pride ourselves on having evolved beyond the days of tribes and dependence. Though they may not be as blatant as counting on the man next to you to keep you alive as you hunt for food, we still carry many elements of relying on others to survive. Advances in technology have made our lives easier in almost every conceivable way, have ironically encouraged isolation through connection, but the component of human interaction has yet to be replicated in any way that is ontologically meaningful. We turn to others not just for our physical survival, but also for the preservation of our emotional and spiritual selves.

When I call another female a slut, I perpetuate a long history of oppression against my own gender. I may contribute, even if at an infinitesimal level, to the destruction of someone’s self-concept, of how worthwhile she feels. I should be praising other females for having the confidence to rock some hot outfits, instead of hating because my hips don’t lie. Admitting my own insecurities should not weaken me. I found myself a stronger person as a result.

Women do enough shaming of other women without my contribution. When I send a catty text about someone, I am encouraging potentially damaging behavior. I do not want to be that kind of woman.

This extends beyond Halloween. After the last “trick or treat” has been uttered, the last candy wrapper thrown away, and the last costume selfie uploaded, these issues remain.

Significant issues that see the light of day once we take off the silly masks of arrogance and apathy.

If we can reflect rather than react, how many more meaningful conversations can we have? Self-exploration can lead to insight. Because I spent a few minutes exploring my thoughts, I was presented a tremendous learning opportunity by reaching to others for guidance. This is the dialogue that will move us forward. With others and with ourselves. Asking questions and discovering answers. Spending less time talking and more time not just listening, but truly hearing. We don’t need a magic potion or a drawn-out action plan. We just need each other.

Or maybe a chocolate caramel apple cat.