One thing that isn’t often spoken about is how hard it is for men to approach women with romantic intent. It’s actually one of the hardest things we ever have to do and that’s the reason why the vast majority of us only ever do it while drunk and specially defined scenarios like a bar or a club. Well I don’t want to be that way anymore and have decided to get over this fear once and for all so to that end I’ll be approaching 2 women every day for 50 days and writing about what happens.

And just so we’re clear; this isn’t about ‘getting laid’; it’s about breaking through my personal limitations and learning to become a much stronger man. When a guy approaches a girl he doesn’t know, every one of his insecurities are shoved right into his face in technicolour HD and it’s in that moment that he really finds out what he’s made of.

It’s time to find out what I’m made of. Let’s do this.

See the whole challenge here.

Day 14 – woman number 1 – Beko

So I was off on my travels today when I saw beautiful Japanese business woman walking by and listening to music on her headphones. My first thought wasn’t to approach but when I realised that such behaviour was truly bitch-made, I walked over, said hey, and told her that I honestly admired her physical appearance. Her name was Beko, she was from Tokyo, had been in London for less than 3 months, and was still getting used to the culture shock. Apparently men in Japan don’t go around introducing themselves to strange women (who knew?). She seemed a little bit nervous so I put her at ease by keeping a respectable distance while chatting and even threw in the 4 Japanese phrases I know for good measure (which had her giggling). Beko was apparently on her way to meet her friend and didn’t feel comfortable with swapping contact details. She was, however; willing to take a selfie so I snapped one of us, told her to take it easy, and then bounced like the jiggling busom of an obese belly dancer

Woman number 2 – Unknown

Woman number 2 was a Latin looking businesswoman who sat a few seats down from me in Starbucks. After about 15-30 seconds of yours truly psyching himself up to approach in such a crowded yet quiet environment, he eventually G’d up, walked over and said hello. But sadly; there were 2 main issues with our interaction.

Issue number 1: Her English didn’t seem to be perfect and she only really understood about 70% of what I said.

Issue number 2: She said she’d just had the world’s worst ever interview and wanted some time alone to be miserable. Everything about her demeanour and body language corroborated this.

Having had more than my fair share of unsuccessful interviews, I shared a trick I’ve learned with her, which is to spend 30 mins to an hour beforehand talking yourself up mentally. Half of your success or lack thereof in an interview will be dependent on how you come across to the interviewer which in turn is largely dependent on your level of confidence. If you do nothing but tell yourself that you’re God’s gift to capitalism before you go in then by the time you do you’ll radiate a level of self-confidence and poise that’ll be nothing short of magnetic. I told her to give this a try and to also realise that one interview is just that; one freaking interview and she shouldn’t let it get to her.

She seemed somewhat appreciative of that but still committed to revelling in despair so I told her to take it easy and hopped back to my seat like a chocolate skinned bunny rabbit.

Thoughts

So there’s a few great things that have been happening to me lately as a result of this challenge. Firstly, I’m getting loads of messages from guys who are really inspired by what I’m doing which is amazing to read. And secondly, I’ve been asked to do a podcast interview about it which is also awesome. Thirdly; I even had a guy from India ask if I’d be willing to fly over there to teach men how to meet women, which was nothing less than astounding to hear. But what all of this means is that people are watching and paying attention to this little old challenge o’mine and that in itself brings added pressure. Now I’m feeling a pull towards doing more inventive approaches to make it interesting or to even lie about the success of my interactions to make sure I look like a pimp. Now I know there’s so many people watching, there’s a part of me that’s scared of embarrassing myself and losing the goodwill I’ve built up.

In any event, I may very well do more inventive stuff as this challenge progresses but I definitely won’t be lying about anything that happens. Even though you wouldn’t know, I would and I don’t have it in me to be such a fraud.

Yuck.

ADDENDUM: Just after I wrote those words, I saw a woman sat opposite me and introduced myself to her, not because I wanted to prove anything to myself but because I knew I’d be disappointed if I didn’t. After telling her I found her form to be heavenly, she looked around in a shocked manner for the real female to whom I was speaking. She then spent about half a minute saying she couldn’t possibly believe I was talking to her before finally letting me know she was only joking!

In any event she has a lovely personality and we had a really good chat before I got back to work. Her name was Kim, she’s from Thailand, is doing a dissertation on organic food, and we’re meeting for a drink tomorrow. Step outside your comfort zone, human. Ciaran commands it. Kim does too.

14 days down, 36 to go