Gary Carlyle, the Alabama Division Commander of the Sons of Confederate Veterans, finally waded into the Confederate flag controversy that has been brewing in Union Springs with this bit of slapstick comedy the other night:

“It was the Southern Soldier that was the determining factor of defeating Great Britain in the war for Americans Independence. General Cornwallis surrendered in Virginia. Prodigy of the gallant men and women who fought in the war for Independence fought again in another war with England in 1812. It was the Southern men of many Races, who with Andrew Jackson defeated the English Army at New Orleans and secured U.S,’s claim to the land of the Louisiana Purchase. When their lands were invaded in 1861 the grandsons of the American War for Independence gathered again to defend home, family, and fireside. In their ranks were Asians, Hispanics, Hebrews, Africans Americans, American Indians, Cubans, and other Nationalities along with many Northern citizens. A note overlooked by most historians is there were more slave states in the U.S. than in the Confederacy when Lincoln called for the invasion of Southern States. Also, more slave owners fought for the U.S. than for the Confederacy. Remember, Delaware was the last State to legally have slaves and Massachusetts was the first Colony to have slaving laws for Whites, American Indians, and Blacks. One should read what was said and published in the 1864 Democrat National Convention in Chicago. As for the Spanish American war,” Every soldier’s grave made during our unfortunate civil war [sic] is a tribute to American valor… And the time has now come… when in the spirit of fraternity we should share in the care of the graves of the Confederate soldiers… and if it needed further justification it is found in the gallant loyalty to the Union and the flag so conspicuously shown in the year just passed by the sons and grandsons of those heroic dead.” …President William McKinley, 14 December 1898. Every war that the U.S. has entered, the Southern Soldiers have proven a great defender of America. At D-Day on the beaches of the war head, it was the descendants of the old Stonewall brigade that first broke through. Today, we the Sons of Confederate Veterans honor all our Veterans and many in our ranks are Veterans. We the Sons of Confederate Veterans are outraged at the act of Myron Penn of dishonoring Southern Veterans graves. Federal law P.L.38, 59congress Chap. 631-34 Stat. 56 passed by the U.S. Congress places Confederate Graves with same rights, respect, and privileges as all U.S. Veterans. Where is the unity, tolerance, and togetherness in denying free speech to those who wish to honor their forefathers? The Hebrew, American Indian, African American, Hispanic, American Cuban, and many others along with many “Whites” who accepted their responsibility to maintain liberty are worthy to be recognized and honored. Gary Carlyle

Alabama Division Commander of the Sons of Confederate Veterans”

Hurr durr … Don’t forget the cisgendered Cherokee Confederates, the bisexual Tejanos, the Jewish transsexuals or the African-American lesbians who fought for the Confederacy. We must never forget their heroic sacrifices!

What could possibly be lamer than that? Well this …

“Union Springs Mayor Saint T. Thomas, Jr. has approved a request from the Sons of Confederate Veterans to place Confederate flags and United States flags in the cemetery behind the Red Door Theatre. The request was sent in writing to the City of Union Springs on May 22, 2015. Mayor Thomas told the Herald he approved their request to place flags in the cemetery on May 23, 2015, but instructed the organization to remove the flags before 10:00 a.m. on May 30, 2015. This is the request which was sent to the City of Union Springs by the Sons of Confederate Veterans. …”

Get ready for this too:

“Ben Jones, Chief of Heritage Operations for the 30,000 member Sons of Confederate Veterans, an international organization of men who are directly descended from those who fought for the Confederacy, praised the Mayor for “taking a clear stance for healing and reconciliation.” “The removal of these flags from the graves of our ancestors was a terribly wrong-headed, provocative and divisive action,” said Jones. “No amount of political sanctimony can excuse it. Our membership asks that this ceremony on Saturday will be given the respect and reverence it deserves by all. We are grateful for the leadership of Mayor Thomas during this time, and we are hopeful that the event will take place in an atmosphere of reflection and genuine understanding.”

Ben “Cooter” Jones, the Chief of Heritage Operations for the Sons of Confederate Veterans, doesn’t mention in his official press release that he agreed to remove the flags from the Union Springs graveyard a week later.

Hurr durr … it is offensive and provocative when Myron Penn removes Confederate flags from Confederate graves, but when the Mayor of Union Springs and the Union Springs City Council does it twice, it is an illustration of their great leadership and reflects an “atmosphere of reflection and genuine understanding.”

Cooter might be crazy y’all, but he ain’t dumb!

Update: According to Al.com, Gary Carlyle said the flags would be removed “in a timely manner as to not interfere with the maintenance of the cemetery.” The Mayor of Union Springs has now converted the Alabama SCV into his cat’s paw for removing Confederate flags from Confederate graves! Surely, Thomas deserves at least some credit for negotiating such a deft surrender?

Hurr durr!!!