FAYETTEVILLE, NC—Appearing visibly confused as he scanned back and forth from one side of the establishment to the other, a local oaf was reportedly unsure which part of the Hilltop Deli counter he was supposed to place his order at Tuesday. “Do I stand here or do I have to go down there?” the thickheaded clod asked, taking a single hesitant step toward one end of the counter before pausing and thinking again. “I wonder if those people over there are in line or if they’re just waiting for their food. Hmm.” At press time, the lumbering halfwit could be seen walking in short semicircles around the restaurant as he struggled to figure out where to leave his tray.

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