One Drink:

Every time there's a standing ovation.

Every time Joe Biden flashes the piano keys he calls teeth.

If Michelle Obama shows up “baring arms.”

Every mention of “the middle class.”

If a congressman is pictured playing with their phone.

When the following issues are inevitably discussed: gun reform, not taking away the Second Amendment, the Afghanistan war, Iran's nuclear program, U.S. security abroad, gay rights, tax breaks for small businesses, immigration, education, climate change, and job creation.

Two Drinks:

Every time there's a bi-partisan standing ovation.

Every time the camera pans to a pissed off Republican.

If Michelle Obama shows up not baring arms.

When Obama talks about the special anecdotal person in attendance.

If a member of Congress is pictured yawning or asleep.

Finish Your Drink:

If there's a spontaneous vocal outburst from a member of Congress in reaction to something POTUS says.

When Obama quotes another President.

If a Supreme Court justice is pictured yawning or asleep.

If a member of Congress is caught on camera making an inappropriate gesture.

Do a Shot:

When the camera pans to Ted Nugent during the gun reform discussion.

If Joe Biden laughs audibly and inappropriately during the speech

If a member of Congress is pictured looking at the SI Swimsuit Issue on his phone during the speech.

If Obama quotes a musician and/or movie.

Butt-Chug*:

If a member of Congress is caught Snapchating during the speech.

If a Supreme Court justice is caught on camera making an inappropriate gesture.

Any audible fart noises, presumably from Joe Biden who probably stuffed his face with chimichangas before the speech.

*Obviously this is a joke. Don't butt-chug, idiots.

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