

MADHOUSE investigates. Is Iced Tea a communist drink? Does the very act of drinking the chilled beverage spread communist ideologies? There was only one way to find out. We emailed people. To: The Canadian Communist Party

From: Ryan and Pat

My friend here, to my right, says that Iced Tea is a communist drink. I disagree. He says that regular tea is ok, but once it's iced, it's somehow communist. We both agree, however, that Coke is the capitalist drink. So could you clear this up? We both agree to go by whatever you decide. Sincerely, Ryan and Pat • To: Ryan and Pat

From: The Canadian Communist Party

With respect to the all-important question of how one drinks one's tea, and its correlation to political attitude and belief, we can tell you that those who drink their hot tea not from a tea cup but rather from a tall glass (with or without a metal holder) are much more likely to espouse socialist/communist ideals. You will note that million of Russians consume their favourite hot beverage in this fashion. Also, in many working class Chinese restaurants (at least in Canada) hot tea is served in thick, tall glasses (without a metal holder), rather than in those dainty small tea cups. As to the matter of iced tea, we are not in a position to divulge our attitude at this time. Comradely, Commissar of Etiquette,

Communist Party of Canada

***************************************

Communist Party of Canada

290A Danforth Ave.,

Toronto, Ont. M4K 1N6

http://www.communist-party.ca

To: Webmaster, EnterStageRight.Com

From: Ryan and Pat

My friend here, to my right, says that Iced Tea is a communist drink. I disagree. He says that regular tea is ok, but once it's iced, it's somehow communist. We both agree, however, that Coke is the capitalist drink. So could you clear this up? We both agree to go by whatever you decide. Sincerely, Ryan and Pat • To: Ryan and Pat

From: Webmaster, EnterStageRight.Com

I like to think of myself is a fairly strong capitalist and I love iced tea. I have to agree with you on this one. I would also agree that Coke is the capitalist drink...on any measure. Take care, Steve Martinovich

Editor, Enter Stage Right • To: Editor, EnterStageRight.Com

From: Ryan and Pat

I send you my thanks. However, Pat suggests that you may actually be a closet communist. I don't really see how, unless you're overcompensating for your leftist leanings with a right wing website... but I digress. The fact of the matter is that you have decided that iced tea isn't, in fact, a communist drink. There's just one small snag. The Canadian Communist Party doesn't quite agree with you. Although they refused comment on iced tea, they remarked that it is more the manner in which tea is consumed rather than the tea itself which reveals ones political leanings. For instance, small sissy tea cups are more right wing, while bigger steins and heavy glass are left wing. Think perhaps of the Russians or the Chinese. They will usually serve their tea in a heavier cup. Coincidence? They didn't seem to think so. You might say, "It fits to a 'T'" What do you think? >I would also agree that Coke is the capitalist drink...on any measure. I agree with your agreement. No argument there. Coke is capitalist with a capital "C". Again, thanks for your input on this matter. We both appreciate it. Pat says "hi." Sincerely,

Ryan (and Pat) ps. Pat thinks that you might think that I made up the Communist reply, so I am forwarding it for your perusal. • To: Ryan and Pat

From: Editor, EnterStageRight.Com

Hey, It looks like I'm going to give Pat more ammunition then. I usually drink my iced tea out of an insulated mug while working on ESR. Admittedly I come from a middle class family but I don't think that would be a factor in why I drink it the way I do. I can see why the CCP believes in the larger glass/stein theory...typical working class accoutrements...but I have to disagree. For me, it would be why the tea is being consumed not how. If I'm drinking it in celebration of....oh, let's say a good day in the market or having gotten a piece published in a right wing mag...then I think I'm drinking it in a proper manner regardless of the thing I'm using to drink it out of. >Again, thanks for your input on this matter. We both appreciate it. Pat says "hi." Give my best to him as well. >ps. Pat thinks that you might think that I made up the Communist reply, so I am forwarding it for your perusal. Well, they do have a lot of time on their hands these days. I'm frankly surprised that they didn't come up with some rather drawn-out theory on the class ramifications of drinking iced tea versus vodka or something. Pity, but it goes to show you that you can never trust them to fully espouse what they would do in the event of Communism in Canada. Think if they nationalized Liptons or something....god help us all. Take care, Steve To: Alexa McDonough, Leader NDP

From: Ryan and Pat

My friend here, to my right, says that Iced Tea is a communist drink. I disagree. He says that regular tea is ok, but once it's iced, it's somehow communist. We both agree, however, that Coke is the capitalist drink. So could you clear this up? We both agree to go by whatever you decide. Sincerely, Ryan and Pat • To: Ryan and Pat

From: Alexa McDonough's Correspondence Unit

Dear Ryan and Pat, Thank you for your email message. As the Coca-Cola Company also produces Iced Tea beverages (within their "Fruitopia" line of products), it seems unlikely that Iced Tea is a communist drink. The Pepsi-Cola Company also produces Iced Tea beverages (Lipton Brisk Iced Tea). For a communist drink, you may wish to try the beverage "Cuba Libre." A recipe is available at http://www.superliquors.com/cl.html Thank you again for taking the time to write. Catharine Johannson

Correspondence Unit

Office of Alexa McDonough, MP for Halifax

Leader, Canada's New Democrats

PS You may also be interested in the following web site: http://www.business-server.com/newsroom/ntn/world/060498/world29_23066_nofra mes.html To: The Canadian Green Party

From: Ryan and Pat

My friend here, to my right, says that Iced Tea is a communist drink. I disagree. He says that regular tea is ok, but once it's iced, it's somehow communist. We both agree, however, that Coke is the capitalist drink. So could you clear this up? We both agree to go by whatever you decide. Sincerely, Ryan and Pat • To: Ryan and Pat

From: The Canadian Green Party

Ryan and Pat, i do agree about coke. do you know coke is trying to become more popular than water? one of their recent employee handbooks states something like "until Coke can be in fountains on the street corner and in city parks...". anyways, tea is favoured amongst the Brits and their is plenty of ice in Russia during the winters so perhaps long ago Iced Tea could have been a "communist" drink. OR since tea is from China and they are still somewhat communist it could be considered that way. But y'know, its not even red! On that basis alone i'd say its NOT a communist drink. Basically everything they did had red in it somewhere. There's my decision and hope you can live with it! Sincerely,

--------------------------------------------------------------

Mark Viitala/GPO Office Manager/GPC Admin Chair

244 Gerrard St. E./Toronto, ON/M5A 2G2

Email: checkered@sympatico.ca

"green values are MY values"

• To: Mark Viitala

From: Ryan and Pat

Dear Mark, I was very pleased with your verdict. I had thought that we had put this issue to bed once and for all. However, just as I was turning away from the moniter in bliss, Pat here, to my left, made the following points: •The Tetley Tea guys live in a commune of sorts...

•Red Rose Tea contains the word "Red" and is in fact a reddish tea...

•Communists appear to be fond of drab colours, and tea is certainly not coloured exciting shades or hues, like neon orange. He refers you to "Earl Grey" tea.... I was unable to effectively counter these arguments. Please help me in this regard. Very sincerely, Ryan

(and Pat, here, to my left) ps. Pat says "Hola." • To: Ryan and Pat

From: Mark Viitala

ok, >1.•The Tetley Tea guys live in a commune of sorts...

so did the smurfs and they were not communist and they were blue. what evidence is their that they are in a "commune" anyway? they are way too busy plugging the tea in their ads to setup their lifestyle for ya. >2•Red Rose Tea contains the word "Red" and is in fact a reddish tea...

yes, but i have yet to see a red-iced tea. oh wait-a-minute, there's a cranberry iced tea i believe. ok, so there's one for Pat. >•Communists appear to be fond of drab colours, and tea is certainly not coloured exciting shades or hues, like neon orange. He refers you to "Earl Grey" tea.... well, earl grey is a fine tea from time to time. green tea is becoming very popular and that's not a drab colour. it's a very popular colour within the green party y'know! yes, the communists we're fond of drab colours but its because they were cheap so it was more out of necessity than anything else. really though, the colour of "tea" is not the point here. we're discussing "Iced tea" and whether or not that is communist drink. if we are changing the topic to tea being a communist drink then we'll have start all over. y'know coke is kind of a drab colour too..... so there ya go!

-mv Although no clear conclusions were reached, intelligent discussion of the issues of the day is always welcome. MADHOUSE was pleased to be of service.