Fuck, where to begin? Probably start with Valentines Day, February 14th, 2012. Wow, I’ve been alive for more than two decades and I have still spent everyone single one, fucking single and pathetically hoping for some sort of love. And by love, I mean hot steamy lust.

Now, this past Valentines Day had no love and also significantly lacked in the hot steamy lust department. So, what was I left to do? I did not want to masturbate in the slightest because I felt that it would some how make me more of a loser than I already was but just thinking about masturbating got me somewhat hard and I didn’t want to waste a good boner.

So I grabbed my blue spotted Kleenex box of white lotion tissues, check. I rummaged through my bathroom drawers in hopes of finding some sort of lubricant to make my shameful act less painful and chaf present. I found some Niva stuff, check.

Then I traveled down my dark hallway back to my room, opened up my computer and went right to Google Chrome. This browser is definitely the best because you can use an “incognito window” that will make all of your searches unrecorded. Perfect!!! A sick teenage dream made into a reality.

So there I was, masturbating alone on Valentines Day. I typed Bangbros into my search bar and then went to town. Happy Valentines Day to me!

Was your love day any better? I doubt it. But tell me about it.