<<set $license=true>><<set $kit = $kit - 1>><<if $kit eq 0>><<display 'gameover'>><<else>><<display 'hud'>>



You pass your paperwork to the clerk, who tells you to go and line up for the photo booth.



Thankfully, this line is a lot shorter than the previous two, but it's no less stressful. Having your picture taken is one of those things you really just can't stand. It's true that no one likes the sickly-looking, deer-in-headlights passport photos that always manage to bring out every wrinkle and pimple, but you hate them more than most.



When you look at them, you see a figure so far removed from what you ought to be that for a moment, you forget what reality you're in.



[[But at least you're done now.|Really leave]]<<endif>>

<<set $kit = $kit - 1>><<if $kit eq 0>><<display 'gameover'>><<else>><<display 'hud'>>



We won't go into the details. You try not to think about them as you go through the motions, attempting to limit your exposure to the facts of your biological body as much as possible.



Once you've taken care of business, you step into the shower, scrubbing off the previous day's grime perfunctorily.



It's not that there's anything wrong with your body, even by exacting mainstream standards. It's just that what it hints at, what it signifies to others, is not you. You feel like you're wearing an ill-fitting suit.



You feel //noticed//, even in this space where you are the only one who can see you. It's not the good kind of noticed, like someone paying you a silent compliment with their eyes. It's the kind of noticed where you have mayonnaise smeared on your shirt and everyone's laughing.



You feel like everyone's laughing and you haven't even [[left the house|Leave]].<<endif>>

<<if $kit eq 0>><<display 'gameover'>><<else>><<display 'hud'>>



A few groceries. How hard can that be?



You head to the [[store|Grocery]], trying to avoid being distracted by the [[billboards]] you pass.<<endif>>

<<set $closeted=true>><<set $kit = $kit - 1>><<if $kit eq 0>><<display 'gameover'>><<else>><<display 'hud'>>



<<if $gender eq "female">>The clothes in your closet are as genderless as you can get away with without standing out. Baggy t-shirts hide your shape; pants don't do much to sway people these days, but you won't wear a skirt. Ever.



You won't, even though sometimes you hate the fact that skirts are gendered. There's nothing inherently wrong about a non-girl wearing a loose piece of cloth around their waist. People in plenty of other cultures do it. But here, it marks you, unavoidably, as female.



Just like everything else.



You grab the nearest clothes to hand and step back into your [[room|Dress]].<<else>>The clothes in your closet are boring. You'd like to experiment, but in practice, you try to dress as neutrally as possible so you won't stand out.The last thing you want is to stand out more.



There's a lot of black, grey, earth tones. When you think you can get away with it, you slip in a bright colour like yellow or blue. When you feel confident.



You don't feel confident today.



You grab the nearest clothes to hand and step back into your [[room|Dress]].<<endif>><<endif>>

<<set $kit = $kit - 1>><<if $kit eq 0>><<display 'gameover'>><<else>><<display 'hud'>>



The fifty-foot-tall woman spread out gratuitously across the billboard <<if $gender eq "female">>reminds you of what you're supposed to want to be, and never will. Reminds you of how others see you, every single day.<<else>>only hammers home the disconnect between you and your body further.



You might not want to be her, but some days you think you'd rather be her than this.<<endif>>



You start fixating on all the little things you'd change, and before you can stop it, you're in a depressive thought loop.



[[<<Back|Grocery]]<<endif>>

Welcome to DYSPHORIA CITY. First, choose your AVATAR.



''For the full DYSPHORIA CITY experience, choose the avatar that resembles your personal self-image LEAST. If you can't decide which this is, decide which avatar you feel MOST comfortable with assigning to yourself, and pick the OTHER one.''



Please be aware that gamers who already experience dysphoria may be triggered by this game. DYSPHORIA CITY exists primarily to educate non-dysphoria sufferers about the experience. Please play wisely.



[img[Girl|images/avatar1.png][Girl]] [img[Boy|images/avatar2.png][Boy]]

<<if $hours neq true>><<set $kit = $kit - 1>><<else>> <<endif>><<if $kit eq 0>><<display 'gameover'>><<else>><<display 'hud'>>



You wait in line for what seems like [[hours]], taking in the clamour all around you. Ordinary people living ordinary lives. You know it's just a trick of the mind, that they all have their struggles just like you do, but you can't help but think of what you'd trade to be one of them. With a "normal" body. A "normal" mind.



Eventually, you make it to the head of the line. The clerk gives you your [[paperwork]], which you'll fill out before waiting in another line for another indeterminate amount of time, just to hand it back.<<endif>>

<html><h2>GAME OVER</h2></html>



You have failed to navigate DYSPHORIA CITY. You just can't handle anything more today.



You return home, despondent. Perhaps you'll do better tomorrow.



[[Or perhaps tomorrow will be just as tough.|END]]

''END''





DYSPHORIA CITY is

a Twine game

by [[Spanglypants|http://spanglypants-mcfuckyou.tumblr.com]]

who hopes that this game has proved educational



avatars designed using [[tuitpix.com|http://tuitpix.com/]]





THANK YOU FOR PLAYING



<<if $win eq true>><html><img src="images/gendertrophy.png"></html>



YOU GET BEST ENDING<<else>>TRY AGAIN FOR BEST ENDING!!<<endif>>



<<set $kit = $kit - 1>><<set $groceries=true>><<if $kit eq 0>><<display 'gameover'>><<else>><<display 'hud'>>



"Have a nice day, <<if $gender eq "female">>ma'am,"<<else>>sir,"<<endif>> the cashier says as you gather your things to leave.



You wish there was a way to close your ears against the sound. No matter how much you're prepared for it, being <<if $gender eq "female">>//ma'am//ed<<else>>//sir//ed<<endif>> always feels like nails on a chalkboard. It's just a sound, like any other sound. But you can feel your insides railing against everything it means.



You don't have the courage to return the greeting. You just [[hightail it out of there as quickly as possible|Really leave]].<<endif>>

<<if $kit eq 0>><<display 'gameover'>><<else>><<display 'hud'>>



Okay. You've got three errands to run today.



<<if $groceries neq true>>[[Buy some essentials]]<<else>>You've bought your essentials.<<endif>>



<<if $license neq true>>[[Renew your driver's license]]<<else>>You've renewed your license.<<endif>>



<<if $haircut neq true>>[[Get a haircut]]<<else>>You've got a haircut.



<<if ($groceries) and ($license) and ($haircut)>>...Wow. Somehow, you've managed to do it all. Barely, but you've managed.



Congratulations. Now you can go [[home|Win]].<<else>><<if $kit lte 3>>But you're running low on KIT. If you don't want to burn out, you might want to just head [[home|gameover]].<<else>> <<endif>><<endif>><<endif>><<endif>>

<<if $kit eq 0>><<display 'gameover'>><<else>><<display 'hud'>>



You wake up.



You remember you have some errands to run in the city. Are you going to check your appearance before you go out?



[[Look in the mirror]]



[[No, I'm good]]<<endif>>

<<if $kit eq 0>><<display 'gameover'>><<else>><<display 'hud'>>



You could try to cut your own hair, but the thought of looking at yourself that long brings you to tears.



You make your way to the local [[salon|Salon]].<<endif>>

<<if $kit eq 0>><<display 'gameover'>><<else>><<display 'hud'>>



Unfortunately, it's not going to be that easy to avoid looking at your body. As well as the fact that you need to shower and get dressed, <<if $gender eq "female">>you also realise you're on your period today. So yeah, you're going to have to deal with the fact that you menstruate.



Sorry.



[[Get that over with as quickly as possible|Bathroom]]<<else>>you also have to shave if you don't want to feel even more uncomfortable every time your hand brushes your face.



So, shaving it is.



[[Get that over with as quickly as possible|Bathroom]]<<endif>><<endif>>

<<set $kit = $kit - 1>><<if $kit eq 0>><<display 'gameover'>><<else>><<display 'hud'>>



<<if $gender eq "female">>You observe the soft slopes of your face, the way your hair, even uncombed, falls neatly around them as if to accent. The way your lips seem to fill as a sigh blows past them.<<else>>You observe the hard lines of your face, the short-cropped hair that's required of you if you don't want to draw even more stares. The shadow of stubble already making itself seen, no matter how many times you erase it.<<endif>>



It's not that there's anything wrong with your body, even by exacting mainstream standards. It's just that what it hints at, what it signifies to others, is not you. You feel like you're wearing an ill-fitting suit.



You feel //noticed//, even in this space where you are the only one who can see you. It's not the good kind of noticed, like someone paying you a silent compliment with their eyes. It's the kind of noticed where you have mayonnaise smeared on your shirt and everyone's laughing.



You feel like everyone's laughing and you haven't even [[left the house|Leave]].<<endif>>

DYSPHORIA CITY

<<if $gender eq "female">><<display 'girlbody'>><<else>><<display 'boybody'>><<endif>>



''KIT: <<print $kit>>''

<<set $gender = "male">><html><img src="images/avatar2.png"></html>



Excellent. You're a handsome little fucker.



<<display 'rules'>>

<<set $kit = $kit - 1>><<if $kit eq 0>><<display 'gameover'>><<else>><<display 'hud'>>



You run down your list. Eggs. Milk. <<if $gender eq "female">>Tampons.<<else>>Razors.<<endif>> You always feel jumpy in the hygiene products aisle, as if everyone is watching you. A trashy magazine, just to take your mind off things.



Halfway to the checkout you remember that trashy magazines, with their inevitable glossy ad pages full of perfect physiques no matter what genre they are, just make you feel worse. You abandon the magazine in an unrelated rack and [[check out|Checkout]].<<endif>>

<<if $birthname neq true>><<set $kit = $kit - 1>><<else>> <<endif>><<if $kit eq 0>><<display 'gameover'>><<else>><<display 'hud'>>



You take a seat and look at the form. The first question, of course, demands to know your sex: whether you're a Mr, a Mrs or a Ms. A little later on, they restate the question in the form of an explicit "sex" box, in which you must write M or F-- and the answer you give must match the answer on your birth certificate, or you won't be driving out of here today.



You sigh and begin to fill out the form, cringing as you write your [[birth name]] into the neat little boxes.



When the form is complete, you [[get in line again]].<<endif>>

<<set $kit = 10>>In DYSPHORIA CITY, you'll be asked to complete some basic tasks. For the average person these wouldn't be too taxing, but dysphoria, the ever-present evil of Dysphoria City, is conspiring to make them a problem.



To that end, we're giving you a resource called KIT, or Keeping It Together.



You start with 10 KIT points. Your KIT will reduce as you encounter dysphoria-inducing scenarios. If you lose all KIT you lose the game, so try to conserve it where possible.



[[Good luck!|Begin]]

<<set $haircut=true>><<set $kit = $kit - 2>><<if $kit eq 0>><<display 'gameover'>><<else>><<display 'hud'>>



You decide to be a little daring-- push your boundaries. You've never liked your hair done this way anyway. It'd be great if you could look a little more androgynous.



The stylist doesn't seem to think so, however. "Are you sure?" she says. "I mean, that'll really make you look <<if $gender eq "female">>like a boy."<<else>>kinda girly."<<endif>>



You insist that's what you want, and she gives you a funny look before starting in on the cut. You've succeeded, but you feel emotionally drained.



You stand up from your chair without looking in the mirror, feeling all eyes on you as you [[leave|Really leave]].<<endif>>

<<set $kit = $kit - 1>><<if $kit eq 0>><<display 'gameover'>><<else>><<display 'hud'>>



"What'll it be, <<if $gender eq "female">>ma'am?"<<else>>sir?"<<endif>> the stylist asks.



Even looking in the mirror long enough to indicate what you want makes your face burn with shame. On every flat surface, women's magazines are scattered, reminding you <<if $gender eq "female">>how you're seen by everyone around you.<<else>>of your own imperfections, the face and hair you want and will never have.<<endif>>



You feel a little sick.



[[Ask for your usual cut|Usual]]



[[Ask for something different|Something different]]<<endif>>

<<if $kit eq 0>><<display 'gameover'>><<else>><<display 'hud'>>



Wait-- you can't leave yet. You're not [[dressed|Dress]].<<endif>>

<html><img src="images/avatar2.png"></html>

<<set $birthname = true>><<if $kit eq 0>><<display 'gameover'>><<else>><<display 'hud'>>



Everyone always tells you your birth name is lovely and that it'd be a disservice to your parents to change it.



You don't think it's lovely at all, but you're scared of what your parents would think if you made such an obvious declaration of <<if $gender eq "female">>non-femininity.<<else>>non-masculinity.<<endif>>



[[<<Back|paperwork]]<<endif>>

<<if $kit eq 0>><<display 'gameover'>><<else>><<display 'hud'>>



Renewing your driver's license involves paperwork, which you hate with a passion. It's not that the paperwork itself is a problem: you just hate all the things that forms assume about you.



[[But you don't really have a choice.|DMV]]<<endif>>

<<set $haircut=true>><<set $kit = $kit - 1>><<if $kit eq 0>><<display 'gameover'>><<else>><<display 'hud'>>



You ask for your usual, <<if $gender eq "female">>just a trim to the ends.<<else>>short back and sides.<<endif>> You don't feel like dealing with anything else-- with the stares, the questions, the //why do you want to look like that?//s that an atypical haircut would involve.



If you can't look the way you want, you can at least look as unassuming as possible.



It means you take no pride in your body. You treat it like a confrontation to be avoided, to be ducked away from. For you, there's never been anything like the glow of slipping on clothes that fit //just so//, that accentuate you in all the right places. There's no joy in existing in your skin. Skin is the enemy.



You stand up from your chair without looking in the mirror, and try to make up for your lack of enthusiasm by leaving a big tip. You don't want the stylist to think you hate what she's done.



[[It has nothing to do with her.|Really leave]]<<endif>>

<<set $hours = true>><<if $kit eq 0>><<display 'gameover'>><<else>><<display 'hud'>>



You make a point never to check the time at these places. Whether hours have passed or no time's passed at all, it'll depress you either way.



[[<<Back|DMV]]<<endif>>

<html><img src="images/avatar1.png"></html>

<<set $win=true>>You've succeeded... for now.



You return home and get some rest, in preparation for another day. Another tough day in...



[[DYSPHORIA CITY|END]]

<<if $kit eq 0>><<display 'gameover'>><<else>><<display 'hud'>>



You really don't feel like looking in the mirror right now.



Actually, you usually don't feel like looking in it ever. That's why it's covered with clothes. Your mother bought it for you because you always seemed so concerned about your clothes looking "right" on you.



There's the irony.



[[<<Back|Dress]]<<endif>>

<<set $gender = "female">> <html><img src="images/avatar1.png"></html>



Excellent. Aren't you a pretty one?



<<display 'rules'>>

<<if $kit eq 0>><<display 'gameover'>><<else>><<display 'hud'>>



<<if $closeted eq true>>You head back to your bedroom. A closet and a [[mirror|Mirror]] are here.



You can [[dress and leave|Really leave]] now, if you want.<<else>>You head back to your bedroom. A [[closet|Closet]] and a [[mirror|Mirror]] are here.<<endif>><<endif>>