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AMID fears that we wouldn’t have an article ready for a rapidly approaching timeslot, WWN brings you disturbing news about Carrauntoohil, the Kerry mountain which may or may not be about to erupt with the force of a hundred Hiroshimas, leveling the Emerald isle and killing every man, woman and donkey that lives here.

Carrauntoohil, which is not now, nor has it ever been, a volcano, is Ireland’s highest mountain and contains enough stones to hit everyone in the forehead at least five times.

Reports that the mountain may be about to erupt started earlier today, when a group of WWN journalists decided to report that the mountain might be about to erupt.

“If Carrauntoohil blows, it will spell the end of life as we know it on the island of Ireland,” said one WWN editor, taking a leaf out of the tabloid handbook.

“We have no way of knowing if this will happen today, next week, or indeed if it is even seismically possible in the slightest. But we feel it is our duty to the people of Ireland to report on in anyways, so that they’ll read this article and hit us with some of that sweet fear-click ad revenue. Cha ching!”

UPDATE: Carrauntoohil still hasn’t erupted. Refresh this page every 30 seconds for more news.