It's one thing to argue that #notallmen behave this way, but research certainly shows that #quitealotofmenandwomen believe that even if they did, there are understandable reasons for it. Photo: Stocksy

A new study from Britain has revealed that teenagers are among those most likely to blame victims of sexual assault and rape for their so-called complicity. According to the research, '34 per cent of 16 to 19 years old believed a victim's drunkenness made them "completely", "mostly" or "a little" responsible for the assault, along with nearly 46 per cent who said the same about a victim who had been flirting with their attacker.'

Put another way, this means over a third of British youths aged between 16 and 19 think that it's 'a little', 'mostly' or 'completely' okay to rape someone if they're intoxicated. Just as frightening is the idea that almost half of this demographic thinks it's okay to sexually assault a person if they've been playing footsies with you under the table.

But it's cool because gender equality is totally a thing and everyone knows that western countries don't oppress 'their' women. I mean, it's not like women in the west are being gleefully assaulted and pilloried online, or being driven to self harm and suicide as a result of sexual attacks, or being secretly filmed underneath toilet doors or ejaculated onto at music festivals.

Oh, wait.


And yet, still we deny that there is a deeply entrenched societal problem in regards to women's safety and bodily autonomy. So internalised are the binary ideas of women's passivity versus men's 'needs' that many people don't even consider them symptomatic of a culture in which women are still subjugated by patriarchy. Instead, the 'unfortunate' risk of sexual assault is held as some kind of biological fact - just another unavoidable part of life and human nature whose immutability is so assured that there's no point in even bothering to try and change it.

Are we not better than this? It's one thing to argue that #notallmen behave this way, but research certainly shows that #quitealotofmenandwomen believe that even if they did, there are understandable reasons for it. Not only does this grossly harm women (who bear the brunt of sexual attacks and are almost overwhelmingly the primary victims of public shaming in regards to them) but it also reduces men's sexual desire to something base and brutish. Contrary to what some people might believe, I hold men to a higher standard of behaviour than that.

Regardless, I am frequently accused of holding that all men are rapists, despite the fact I have never said or written this anywhere and instead devote more of my energy into challenging the idea that men have no control. What I oppose is rape culture. What I advocate for is a better understanding around women's bodily autonomy and the complexities of men's relationships with intimacy and desire. It is not my narrative that thrives on one dimensional stereotypes of men, but the narrative of those people who argue that 'boys will be boys' and 'men have different needs' and 'what did she expect going home with him/wearing that dress/drinking that alcohol/smiling that way/being out in public so late?'

How are these predictable, tired victim blaming tropes any different from the chauvinistic attitudes held by cultures that are conveniently demonised by the west? Well may you point your finger at Afghanistan or Pakistan for the kind of entrenched misogyny which punishes rape survivors for adultery or demands that proof be presented in the form of four male witnesses - but these practices are not so very far removed from the ones which see television personalities dismiss sexual assault survivors as 'strays' on national television, or finds thousands of anonymous people arguing that 'it takes two to tango' whenever a footballer's name is linked to a sex 'scandal', or has rape dismissed as a 'scandal' in the first place, or sees a respected national newspaper describe an 11 year old gang rape victim as 'having dressed older', or watches as entire communities condemn the victim of an humiliating, coordinated sexual attack while rallying around the young men responsible for it.

Women are punished all over the world for the crimes and transgressions of people more physically powerful than, and certainly more convinced of their own entitlement. Those same people are defended and protected by communities, judges, lawyers and commentators all because of the incorrect belief that the responsibility for rape prevention lies not with communities but with individual victims. And when these hackneyed, retro social structures are challenged, feminists are accused of demonising men and putting women in danger (a classic example of ironic contradiction if there ever was one).

Is it any wonder that teenagers are now matching the baby boomer demographic in terms of conservative ideas about sex, power and supposed complicity? How many young survivors out there are (still) holding in their own trauma and pain because they feel like they're to blame for the choices made by another person or persons?

As a society, we should be deeply appalled at the idea that attitudes towards sexual assault are getting worse, not better. Either the education isn't working or people simply aren't listening. We often hear, 'How would you feel if that were your daughter/sister/mother/other woman that you can conceive ownership over?' But not only does that not address the toxic problem of abuse, it also reinforces that which underpins the idea of sexual entitlement - which is that women are there to be had and as such bear the responsibility of protecting themselves from being gotten.

Perhaps we need to start asking questions of perpetrators instead of survivors. How would you feel if that was your son? Your brother? Your friend?

Yes, there is responsibility in regards to preventing sexual assault. That responsibility lies with us, the community of people who are called on to hold up values of equality, integrity and respect. It's time we start living up to that responsibility, instead of hypocritically holding everyone else to account even as all around us, our girls continue to be thrown under the bus.