Frederick Hertz, a leading attorney for marriage and divorce law and mediation for same-sex couples, and the author of three books on these issues, returns to Israel this June to speak at 40 Years of Pride: the first ever Global LGBT Leadership Conference in Tel Aviv.

Earlier this year, Frederick Hertz invited US gay family lawyers to come to Israel and learn about the legal and policy issues for gay couples in Israel. The trip took place in February 2015, with fourteen lawyers joining Fred for a week-long visit “It was a fabulous program,” he recalls. “It turned out that the American lawyers learned a lot from the way the LGBT community navigates through law in Israel: that you can extend rights to gay couples even without legalizing marriage.”

“The lack of civil marriage in Israel has led to the creation of an ‘alternative’ approach, via cohabitation rights, that is quite effective,” Hertz explains. “Most of the lawyers in my program had been convinced that the solution had to be via the ending of religious marriage and the enactment of civil marriage. Learning how things are finessed in Israel was a real eye opener to my group. Another aspect was seeing how the issue of Jewish law still dominates family law in Israel, despite it being a ‘modern’ society.”

Herz is a leading attorney for marriage and divorce law and mediation for same-sex couples. He’s the author of three books on the topic, including ‘ Counseling Unmarried Couples: A Guide to Effective Representation’ (ABA Press) and ‘Making It Legal: A Guide to Same-Sex Marriage, Domestic Partnerships & Civil Unions’ (NOLO Press). He provides legal and mediation services for couples in the SF Bay Area, and teaches on the subject nationally, as well as being quoted regularly on the topic. “I’ve also been doing a lot of work regarding gay family law in Israel,” Fred says. “I’ve been to Israel about 10 times, annually for the past five years, and I taught a course on US gay couples law at a law school near Tel Aviv in 2012.”

According to Hertz, the two types of mediation that are the most needed in the LGBT community nowadays are premarital planning and divorce mediation. “Most couples see marriage as the gaining of ‘benefits’ from the government, or employers,” he says, “and they don’t realize that it is a structured commitment of financial and other legal obligations to one another, and a sharing of assets and debts. Once they understand what the significant legal issues are, they often need to work with a counselor or mediator to help them figure out what is going to work for their relationship, and how to overcome the challenges of their differing needs, feelings and opinions.”

The best legal advice that Hertz can give a couple who has just moved in together would be to pay attention to how money works in the relationship. “Be open to understanding each partner’s concerns about money and the future, and whether this is a “sharing” partnership or a “separate” partnership — both of which are ok,” he says.

“Don’t be afraid to discuss your fears for your future, your concerns about you own ability to support yourself, and your expectations of your partner. But at the same time, be sure you listen to the concerns of your partner, without judgment. Then, once you both really have a clear sense of each of your concerns and goals and needs and fears, you can begin to build a partnership that takes both partners’ needs into consideration.”

Questions and issues that same-sex couples should discuss before walking down the aisle appear in his books, which, according to Hertz, came about as a result of one interview. “I was interviewed in 1996 by a NY Times reporter on the issue of gay marriage, around the time DOMA passed in Congress,” he says. “I said to him, gay marriage is boring, what is interesting is gay divorce! The interviewer switched the focus of his article to that topic, and published the first nationally distributed mainstream article on same-sex divorce. Within 3 hours I got a call from an agent, encouraging me to write a book on the topic. I did, and it was published by Henry Holt. Around the same time I contacted Nolo Press, and they asked me to take over the Legal Guide that had been out for a few years — as its author (a friend of mine) had recently died of AIDS. So that is what led to the books being published.”

Fred Hertz promises to cover these topics at 40 Years of Pride, the Global LGBT Conference to be held this June during Pride Week in Tel Aviv. “Our program will look back at the past 40 years of gay legal struggles, exploring how the legal issues have shifted from the right to be sexually active and openly gay – and free from criminal prosecution — to the right to form a family (parentage and marriage),” Fred says. “We will also explore how legal change happens — through court cases, ballot initiatives, legislative efforts, and social change. In particular, we will discuss how same-sex families are treated in the US and in Europe, and explore how the marriage movement evolved in the US in the past 20 years.”