Regionals/Vegas write-up

I didn't do this for Blizzcon last year after attending it for Evil Geniuses in the Heroes exhibition match. Partly because I didn't think about it but the event didn't really garner that much attention. It feels like this event at Vegas had way more attention. It also felt like Blizzard put way more effort into it – well, more so than how I'm wording it because they definitely put in wayyyyy more effort this time.



Blizzcon last year was like a 'hey come watch this quick event we're running' because there was no prize pool and only four teams. Vegas was the precursor to Blizzcon and showcased their potential when it comes to production. It wasn't perfect but it's a really good step in the right direction for future events. I've had my doubts about the future of HotS as an e-sport because the moba market is just really saturated but this event showed the potential for a really healthy scene.



So anyway the event was a lot of fun. A bit tiring because we arrived on Wednesday for a lot of media stuff. Things I haven't had to do before. I've done like, interviews and stuff for other events that I've been to but even Blizzcon last year I didn't do any of what they had us do this time. Photoshoots, interviews, walking around the hotel among other things it was a pretty crazy experience having never done that before. I know it's not new to e-sports but it was a first for me, even though I have been to quite a few events (relative to most people) because I did a lot of stuff in sc2 and of course Blizzcon last year.



It was great to finally meet the whole team in person. I met madtimmy last year at Blizzcon but we weren't on the same team then (he was on smg) and I didn't really spend much time around him so it was basically like a first real meet-up. Finally being in the same place to practice was really helpful for us, we played really well while scrimming and when we were able to actually play we were able to play a lot. It was a lot of fun to hang out with all of my team throughout the week/weekend and really look forward to doing it again.



Lets talk about the games. Going into the event, and especially after the games we played at Vegas during practice, we were really confident against Tempo Storm. To most viewers it probably sounds weird because we pretty much always lose to them but most of our losses has been us beating ourselves and throwing a game and then the game just ending, or really close games that end where we change one thing and we would have won. So yeah our record against them is poor but compared to c9 we find Tempo to be the easier team to prepare and play against. Not that they are easy, just easier for us than against c9.



Our first set was an 0-2. Doesn't look that good on paper but the games were close and ended in the same fashion they always do against Tempo where a few mistakes cost us a lead and one decision costs us the game. The first game it was the decision to fight them by going through our knight camp and fighting into their arc and not focusing down their front-line which is our plan with Thrall. Basically we spread out too much and our front-line went in a bit too deep. We got split up and wrecked.



Next game was like a flashback of so many games against Tempo where it's back and forth all game and we take a decisive fight at a crucial point in the game and make one wrong decision and Tempo completely swings it into their favor and end the game. We won a bottom fight by killing an out of position Valla almost instantly and chasing down their heroes. Then we made the mistake of not chasing down Dreadnaughts Uther ghost who had redemption, even though we talked about it, we decided we could end anyway without killing him.



Madtimmy had cleanse and stormshield so we thought he'd be fine but a minor positional mistake and a really good combo from Zuna that killed madtimmy meant our core dive became really risky, and we tried to back out of it instead of fully committing. Maybe we could have killed the core but honestly the correct decision was backing out when rehgar died and the even better decision was hunting down uther while madtimmy got some health back before going for the core.



That was it, 0-2 in two games that we really should have won. I honestly believe it has to do with nerves because for three of our team it was their first live event and it was a pretty overwhelming one at that. If you haven't experienced it before having a crowd shouting in the background at every single thing that occurs in the game, whether good for you or bad can be pretty intimidating, among other factors. It was no one persons fault and I don't blame any of them if they were nervous. I experienced some of that in the Blizzcon tournament last year because that was my first live crowd stage experience, although I had played in many live events in sc2 I had never been in front of a live crowd like that. So I completely understand that some of them were nervous. And as a team that was our first time playing a tournament together as 5 in a live setting.



After Tempo we played against Immunity White. Honestly, the games were relatively easy except for game two where we tried to draft Rexxar but didn't account for their comp being really strong against ours. It was a slightly embarrassing loss but we came back and won easily the next game so it was whatever. I do think Immunity White is a good team considering their region is probably not as large as NA which is a pretty big factor for practice. I know they played well in their scrims, taking games off the other teams so they are definitely a capable team.



Then the worst thing that could happen, happened. C9 lost to Tempo. We fully expected c9 to win because of how they have been playing recently and knowing Tempo hasn't been playing as well as they used to. Our entire plan was to rematch Tempo and use our best comps that we didn't use before. Unfortunately, c9 lost. So we went in with the same drafting plan and it backfired hard game one where we tried a no-tank illidan strat without considering that c9 has played against that style a million times because they scrim Cognitive a lot. So we stubbornly drafted that comp and just got crushed.



Game two we played a more normal aggro comp but we still could have drafted different. I won't say what just to keep it secret but there was a few changes we could have made. Anyway even though we could have drafted a little different, the game came down to a few positional mistakes that caused the game to basically instantly end. C9 is definitely the hardest for us because their style clashes with ours and we tend to make a lot of draft errors vs them. I think it was still a close second game that we had a good chance at winning to take it to a third game but in the end we lost 0-2. And thus our tournament ended.



Overall it was a good showing for us, especially as a first live event as a full team and a first live event for three of our members. We had a lot of people cheering for us and I think we made a good impression on the general audience of Heroes that may not have heard of us before. It was good for us overall, but personally and I think I can speak for my team that we expected more. Even though we had clearly the hardest possible route to qualify for Blizzcon. Having to basically play two finals before playoffs and then another hard match to qualify, still despite that we all fully believed we were capable of it so to fall short is disappointing. We were close and next time, with more experience under our belts, we will do even better.



That's really all I wanted to talk about for the actual event. I know this has been really long already but bare with me as I have more to write. I generally don't like to talk about this, but it's a pretty large thing that I don't want to gloss over and that's my being transgender. Basically my experience at an event like this as well as some other things. Like I said I don't generally like to talk about it, not out of like personal privacy but just it's not something I think needs to be discussed, but maybe it does?



I doubt it's a secret that I'm transgender. After Blizzcon last year there was some discussion about it and probably a lot of confusion so that's when I tweeted about being trans. I have no qualms with people knowing it and I'm totally open about it, maybe not to the point of making note of it all the time but if someone asks I don't have an issue with replying. There are a few trans people in e-sports, which isn't too surprising but it's still kind of an unheard of thing. I mean females in general aren't even that involved in the competitive scene for most games and that's only really begun to change in the past couple of years. Heroes is definitely making great progress for females in e-sports by having Anna as a host for events and Gilly as a caster. So females in e-sports isn't unheard of but being trans is definitely a much less common thing, at least in the spotlight.



I think everyone knows who Scarlett is as she has been the figurehead for females, and transfemales, in e-sports since her debut in Starcraft. Whether she wanted it or not the spotlight went on her and didn't leave and it feels like that is the case for anyone that is trans who makes it into the spotlight. I know she doesn't like it being discussed but to briefly bring her up, Remi (remilia) has been in the spotlight for being a really good player for Renegades and making it into the LCS. Her story feels a lot like Scarletts except she seems to keep it more private, which is completely understandable. My point wasn't to single either of them out just to use them as examples of really great players that happen to be transgender that are in the spotlight.



I don't consider myself anywhere near that level of skill, or that level of popularity that they have experienced, but after Blizzcon last year and this event I can feel some amount of what they have endured. Before Heroes, I was out as transgender when I was playing starcraft. My team knew and maybe a few others but back then I was even further behind in transition than I currently am so to the general public anyone that maybe heard of me knew me only as a guy. But the reality is I wasn't notable enough or far enough along in my transition for it to matter, so I didn't have to really deal with any of what I will be dealing with in Heroes that Scarlett and Remilia have endured before me.



I don't want to belittle their hardships in any way but I feel like it will be harder for me than them. Which sounds really bad, but let me explain. For them, they are young and have made progress in their transition. This is a really big deal, even if it doesn't seem that way. When I look in the mirror I see a guy, and it's not because I'm being dramatic or self-conscious, it's because it's true. I have a persistent shadow on my face from facial hair that I can't get rid of by shaving. I have a prominent adams apple and my face isn't very feminine. I have long hair but I see signs of some receding and, although this is my fault, I have no idea how to really style my hair and I'm too afraid to get it done properly. I wear girl clothes but I don't have a feminine body or breasts. I'm not on hormones of any kind. Medically I am at the same place I was four years ago in Starcraft.



I'm sorry if that sounds like I'm complaining, but I'm trying to show that the difference between passing and not passing in the spotlight is really big. I'm 100% not taking away any of what others before me have experienced because I know they get tons of awful things said to them, about them and all of that, more so than I have or maybe will ever. But not passing is a really hard thing for me. It makes events really hard for me. I get a lot of anxiety just considering the thought of using a public bathroom and pray that my clothes are enough for people not to bother me.



I'm not saying other transwoman don't have to deal with this but if you pass, well, generally if you pass you're less likely to be bothered. That anxiety and fear is still there and very real but comparatively when you have the face of a man trying to be yourself and be/look like a woman it's a lot tougher to mentally handle things.



My point is that it is really hard for me to go to an event like Vegas, and I have an ungodly amount of respect and admiration for Scarlett, Remi and any other transwoman that has faced that before. That said, when I'm on stream I'm just a long haired looking dude that has a stuffed bra on to make it look like I have breasts... where someone who passes will look like the girl that they are but some assholes will point out she's trans. Again not trying to belittle their experience, just pointing out that it's really hard for me.



Going into this event I had a lot of anxiety. Luckily I'm able to put that aside when I'm on stage playing because at the end of the day I'm a competitor, I have a competitive drive to win and play well and I can focus on that. But outside of the game it's really hard.



That's why this event was really good for me because it was a really positive experience. I was able to use the bathroom without incident and some measure of the anxiety I felt before about using the bathroom wasn't quite as bad. I met a lot of really great people that I didn't feel like were looking at me like I was a freak. I had some really nice people treat me like a girl. And that's all I've ever wanted. So even if people were just being nice about it, it really made the event so much better for me.



It wasn't all perfect. I know that online I probably got a lot of hate whenever I was on camera. I should ignore it but it's still hard to swallow. I would love to look more feminine but too many reasons to go into I haven't been able to go down that path just yet. I want to, I just haven't yet. But this event, and after too on twitter, how much support people have given has really been helpful. I can't say that my anxiety and fears are fixed but it's been helpful and a good start.



I'd like to thank my team for always treating me the same. I know it was our first time meeting but they didn't treat me any different and I appreciate that a lot. To all the other teams and staff at the event, thank you as well. I know for some it was confusing but everyone was really kind to me and I appreciate it a lot. It's really easy to be an asshole, especially anonymously, and the fact no one was at the event really says a lot about our scene.



Thank you to everyone at the event that supported our team and to anyone that said kind words too me. Also thank you to everyone on twitter that has been so kind this past weekend and after the event, it really helps that there's so many great people on the internet when it's so easy to be the complete opposite. So thank you, a lot. This has been really long and I probably didn't explain myself well enough in some places but I wanted to really get my thoughts out from this weekend, both as a competitor and as a person.



Ty! <3

Reply · Report Post