feature image via Chrysalis on Facebook

Chrysalis Lingerie’s new line debuted this week in their online store. The company boasts new garments created “by trans women and for trans women.” Their launch had been delayed multiple times, but now their basic line is finally coming to a mailbox near you. Needless to say, I was excited about their launch and being able to finally purchase underwear specifically designed with trans women’s bodies in mind.

Chrysalis billed itself as something different, a company that would fill the vast hole as a producer of underwear that was designed to fit and flatter trans women. It was made pretty clear in all of the promotional material that this product would be a real change from what currently existed for purchase. On Chrysalis’s “About Me” page, they claim that Chrysalis was created to “help change the dehumanizing stereotypes and biases we are subjected to as a group and community.” They also claim that their product “symbolizes the acknowledgement [of the] diversity of our existence and provides a solution to our specific needs.” Finally they claimed that Chrysalis would take transgender women “beyond the marginalization imposed by the media and society and represent them as beautiful intelligent women with prowess and the embodiment of feminine sensuality.”

All of these things sounded really great to me. Chrysalis was going to be the best thing since sliced bread when it came to trans women. I was sold. So when I saw a post on my Tumblr dashboard saying that their store was finally open, I eagerly clicked the link for the store. My jaw subsequently hit the floor, and I don’t mean that in a good way. The product fell well short of delivering on their lofty claims.

First, I was blown away at just how expensive the products are. Chrysalis is charging their customers $85 for their control “t-string” and $75 for a bra, with an additional $175 for the bra inserts that seem to be mandatory to wear their everyday bras. That means that to buy one bra for everyday use, you’ve got to lay down $250 dollars. I understand that a custom made product like this can be a bit more expensive so I wasn’t expecting cheap and affordable. I was expecting the pricing of a their garments to be a little more along the line of other lingerie focused companies Victoria Secret, $50 a bra, or Spanx, $35 for a pair of panties.

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I could have gathered the money together to splurge and buy one or two bras and a couple pairs of underwear at the comparable price tag, but at $75-85 a piece, I really can’t afford it. That’s almost a full days wage at my job (after taxes). And I know I’m pretty economically privileged compared to many trans women. Most trans women don’t have that kind of earning power thanks to the intersection of transmisogyny and sexism (and often racism since there are many trans women who are also women of color).

How much, if any, market research did Chrysalis perform before preparing their final products? Chrysalis claims that this is their basic line, meant for “everyday wear.” Which means you would need at least seven of the underwear at $85 apiece if you planned to wear them every day (totaling $595). Chrysalis’s price tag is simply not feasible for most trans women. Most of my friends who are trans women are barely making enough money to pay their rent on time and still buy groceries.

Upon further examination of the new shop, I came to an even more startling, frustrating, and disturbing realization. Even if I had the money to drop on a beautiful brand-new Chrysalis bra, I wouldn’t be able to buy one that actually fits me.

Now I’m not even that big of a girl. I’m often a 38B when it comes to bras. Realistically, I’m a 40A-B, but those are almost impossible to find in the stores I can afford to shop in. That’s why I was so excited for Chrysalis’s launch. Since the company caters to transgender women, I figured it would go without saying that I would find the higher band sizes and smaller cup sizes that my body requires.

For most trans women, our bone structure makes our shoulders and chests quite robust. Unless you come out and start hormone blockers before you hit puberty, testosterone has had a lot of time to adjust your bone structure. It’s one of the facts of life that trans women have to deal with. So it goes without saying that if Chrysalis clientele is entirely trans women, surely they would carry band sizes up to at least 40 and higher right? Wrong.

The largest band size that Chrysalis is currently selling as of the launch of their website is a 38D. They don’t sell a 38A, 38B, or 38C. Let me tell you, I’ve gotten great results in terms of my breast growth on hormones, but I have absolutely no chance of every filling out a D cup. Unless I pay to have surgical implants, which is not in my transition plan.

When Chrysalis mentioned on their Facebook that they were open to constructive criticism I decided to lend my voice as a trans women who had waited for many years to see Chrysalis’s product only to end up disappointed today. I asked about larger band sizes and I used my own situation as an example as a 38B. Their official Facebook responded: “As a brand we also have a specific look which is about looking “natural and proportioned” so we figured a band size of 38 would look most balanced with a D cup and nothing smaller.”

This response from their official Facebook page stands in sharp contrast to what founder and designer Cy Lauz claimed in an interview with Fashionista: “We’re not here to paint a picture of what a trans woman is supposed to look or act like, we’re here to add a different perspective in how we are portrayed and seen by the “outside” community. In the end there is no one person exactly like the other, and the same can be said for the trans community at large.” When did “”we’re not here to paint a picture of what a trans woman is supposed to look like” suddenly become “would look most balanced with a D cup and nothing smaller.” What went wrong?

For me, as a trans woman, their response exposed the real problem with this launch: in an effort to provide lingerie for the marginalized transgender community, Chrysalis has resorted to an attitude that does nothing to challenge traditional cisgender beauty standards. They have created a line of bras that fit trans women who mostly fit into our traditional model of “beautiful woman.” That’s their brand, “natural and proportional.” But they have forgotten that most of us trans women don’t fit those unrealistic cisgender beauty ideals. I guess that means that we get left behind in the Chrysalis movement. Those of us who do not fit their brand image are left feeling even more marginalized.

Instead of “acknowledging the diversity of our existence” as Chrysalis’s “About Me” claims, they have chosen to only acknowledge skinny trans women who have (or want to have) “natural” and “proportioned” breasts. Instead of helping to break down the marginalization of trans women when it comes to shopping for underwear Chrysalis has only marginalized those of us who do not fit their brand of “natural” and “proportioned.” How can you be a trans positive lingerie company if you continue to assert that anything with a band size of 38 and below a D cup isn’t “natural” or “proportional?”

I needed Chrysalis to challenge those beauty norms instead of continuing to perpetuate them. I needed them to be something different, something a step above what I could buy in Victoria Secret or Fredrick’s of Hollywood. I needed them to tell me that a pudgy trans woman with big shoulders and small breasts can be sexy and beautiful. But they didn’t do that.

A word of advice to trans women: Go to your nearest Target. Buy a two pack of push-up bras ($24 for 2), and Target’s bra inserts ($12). Then go to Herroom.com and buy the Vasserette Control Shapewear Panties ($2.50 each), they do wonders for helping your tuck. There you go! You just saved yourself a lot of money, you can afford to buy enough to wear every day, and best of all you look fabulous.

AUTHOR INFO: teagan is an writer, artist, and academic. she thinks, writes, educates, and creates about gender, theatre, activism, and religion. she has lectured and presented her work at numerous schools and events across the united states. she has been published on interrupt mag and spectrum magazine. she is also a contributor to {young}ist. she currently lives in the san francisco bay area but has previously lived in richmond virginia and various places in northern california. you can find her on twitter at @twidx

A version “A Bra That Fits Me” was originally published on interruptmag.com. It has been edited and expanded upon for this publication.