On [REDACTED], the entities responsible for SCP-2267 uploaded studio footage of a radio interview with a person referred to as "John Steckler", an apparently leading figure in what the interviewer describes as "pneuma-acoustics". Transcript below.

Interviewer: And the scientific community, there was no trepidation about this at all?

Steckler: Well, there was definitely some of that. One of the, uh, analysts in the, uh, beginning, he quit as soon as he found out we were going in. He was out of there. But it, it was a shock to us, too. The ones who stayed. It really was.

Interviewer: What was it like, being one of the first researchers to arrive on site?

Steckler: [laughs] The story's been told a lot better in the movies. It —

Interviewer: Yes, but —

Steckler: — it didn't feel as earth-shattering to us. I know how, uh, how ridiculous that sounds, but a lot of people don't understand the kind of pressure we were under. We had to do it right. We had to have a kind of tunnel vision about the whole thing. Just working on what's in front of our noses. But I definitely don't remember any of the men kind of, shouting and crying and having these, these grand epiphanies like you see in all the movies. [laughs] We just had to do our jobs.

Interviewer: Any details you can share with us that's never made it into those movies?

Steckler: Oh, wow. Definitely the, definitely the smell of the ship. You can't get that across on screen. I know they keep trying. [laughs] It smelled like ammonia, and mint. And honey. [pause] It wasn't what we expected.

Interviewer: What do you think happened?

Steckler: [pause] Well, it's fair to say we don't know for sure. I know one of the soldiers on the detail, he's always supported one of the more definitely outlandish theories out there. [laughs] We found the original of what a lot of people know as a, uh, as a gyro - but what we in the parlance call a pneumatic acousticizer - we found a huge one, right in the belly of the thing. Right there. There was stuff there we still haven't cracked.

Interviewer: Do you mean to say gyros can do more than translate psychological states into sound? Are you holding out on us? [laughs]

Steckler: Well, no. It's just the one we found was designed to work on a much larger scale than the ones you're used to in, uh, a club or hall. Who knows who they were, why their ship was broken on arrival, where they disappeared to. If it was even supposed to be manned in the first place.

Interviewer: How do you feel about this technology in the hands of law enforcement? Data has found pneumatic acoustizers being 95 percent accurate in diagnosing mental disorders and predicting convict recidivism. Do you think we are using the fruits of this technology in the right way?

Steckler: Maybe there is no right way. Some of these club owners, they've taken the more fringe stuff we found and given 'em spins I wouldn't have imagined in my wildest dreams. It really is something.

Interviewer: Briefly, Dr. Steckler, before we wrap up: Do you believe there is a chance we might have a repeat of the Touchdown?

Steckler: That soldier I was telling you about. He thought the acousticizer on the ship was meant for the whole planet. Something like a cosmic lie detector, except accurate. [laughs] What do you think would have happened if the ship came through intact? And they used it on us, the whole planet? It'd be the supreme diagnosis. [laughs] [program cue music begins to play] Imagine them hooking it up and hearing the garbled, dissonant mess we hear when we hook up repeat offenders. With technology like that, you'd have to be a moralist. Or a doctor. [laughs] It's a scary thought. I don't want to think about it.