"Age only matters when one is aging. Now that I have arrived at a great age, I might as well be twenty." —Pablo Picasso

“How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was?” —Satchel Paige

The horizons of young people seem boundless. Years pass and suddenly a threshold is crossed when a person realizes that the number of years remaining is limited. Old age often takes us by surprise and this realization that one is now old can be . What does it mean to have most of one’s life span gone? How can we change significantly from who we have been? What is left to do with a limited finite future? What factors are involved in this private inner experience?

Can you really become a different being while remaining yourself? Of course not! But that is what we try to accomplish: our body may be in the midst of physical changes but our private inner experience seems stable and unchanging. When we look in the mirror we tend to see our physical changes but not in the objective way a stranger would view us. We are obliged to live this old age in which we may be incapable of realizing who that is in the mirror seeing ourselves exactly as others see us. Could the development of this realization represent our ultimate change of perspective? American writer Max Depree said, “We cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are.” In one sense age remains theoretical for the person who is sure of himself or herself and is contented and on good terms with those around him or her. Mark Twain wrote "There is no difference between a young man and an old man as long as they are both sitting." If that is the way a person looks at himself or herself and is comfortable with the aging process, age itself is only of small account.

One psychological distinction between illness and aging is that illness may be more apparent to the person who endures it than it is to others, while our aging often is more apparent to others than it is to ourselves. As a defense some old people prefer to think of themselves as unwell rather than as old. An 80-year-old patient of mine said "I feel just like a young person with something the matter with them." What seems to happen is that we grow old in other people’s eyes and slowly they convince us that we are old.

Artistic self-portraits as historical clues to this inner struggle

Self-portraits of aged painters allow us to appreciate how they express their relationship with their own lives and the world at the moment when they strike the balance within themselves. Michelangelo appears somber, haunting and sorrowful. Leonardo da Vinci at age 60 shows a beard and eyebrows with impetuous vitality and , full powers and disillusionment on the edge of bitterness without falling into it. Tintoretto age 70 shows despair, old age, exhaustion and amazement. Rembrandt appears proud, full, successful and anticipatory. Titian age 80 or 90 reflects a conventional grave serenity. Monet is the only one who is downright cheerful with exuberance, merry, clear complexion and bright eyes. There are many others such as the Triple Self Portrait by Norman Rockwell showing the artist painting himself as a much younger man as though that is how he sees himself in the mirror.

Since an old person's self-perceived role may not be in doing or engaging in activities, he or she may falsely equate possessions for their being. Money represents insurance for the future and often is needed for our future care when we no longer earn a salary. But in some people there is an inordinate fixation with money as they age. As a defense the affluent old person may assure himself of his against those who may see him only as an object. This system of defense is vulnerable because the money may be lost. And when a rich old person attempts to maintain control of his children by threatening to refuse to help them financially, the effort almost always backfires.

When a person is affluent enough to have choices, their and previous decisions and values may become the influence that governs their reactions to growing old. For example, among writers Jonathan Swift who was poor shows and ; Walt Whitman had a cheerful , Luigi Cornaro exhibited moderation and ; Goethe and Tolstoy addressed incessant struggles and Ernest Hemingway could not handle the loss of vitality.

How aging changes our perception of time

Remember the 15-minute recess in elementary school? 15 minutes! In that time we could choose sides and play a game of kickball or baseball. Time moved slowly and Christmas never seemed to come. But as the years go by time seems to move faster and faster. What causes this change in time perception that makes it seem to go faster as we age?

In time is imposed from the outside by adults, from school and TV schedules to mealtimes and bedtime. Days seem so long their end cannot be seen and this provides the feeling of an eternity. An old person can see the future and the finiteness of life. The return trip of a journey usually seems to take less time than the initial leg of the trip because we have become familiar with the route and know what to anticipate. In addition, in childhood we have little life behind us so proportionally years are longer.

The quality of our future changes over time from indefinite and infinite to more definitive and finite. Our habits accelerate time perception by making the future more predictable as our schedule conforms to our prefabricated templates. Anticipation and breaking habits may slow time perception. For example, traveling to a new location often creates memories that seem to play back in slow motion.

One aspect of our aging and conscious evolution is to appreciate that it is a potentiality rather than a genetically or biologically predetermined process. It is the result of a conscious and volitional struggle that does not happen unconsciously. If we observe ourselves carefully throughout our lives we can begin to see where we are stuck or out of balance. The problem is often an imbalance between our intellect and our emotions. One place to start is to note our thoughts, reactions and movements. As we watch we may see our intellect attempt to feel (or to appreciate emotions) or our body’s efforts to reason. This process becomes more and more inefficient as the different parts of our being attempt to control areas not in their expertise. For example, having our emotions try to direct our intellect brings impulsiveness, energy, speed and urgency into situations where calm, objectivity or reflection may be necessary. With these inefficiencies we tend to run low on energy. Everything over time needs to be brought back in line, which ultimately is the goal of successful aging and our conscious evolution.

Common emotional challenges with increasing age are stress, , worry and concern, pride and vanity, , depression and despair, and . It is important for us to address and manage these potentially negative emotions to help restore our harmony and balance and to save a tremendous amount of wasted energy.

Our hearts are made to give away love and compassion; they are not designed to store anger and hostility. Keeping negative emotions locked inside us can be an aging accelerator. It is like driving down the highway with one foot slammed down on the gas pedal and the other foot riding the brakes. You may travel at the speed limit, but the journey will be short and and the vehicle will give out prematurely.