Just when I thought I couldn’t find Joe Buck any more irritating he comes into this season with the worst hobo-scruff I’ve seen in a while. Come on, Buck. Do you even have a mirror in your house? Are you capable of seeing what you look like? Do you actually look in the mirror at those pencil shavings on your face and think “yeah, Joe Buck is sexy, Joe Buck gonna announce the hell outta some games today”. I just assume Joe Buck talks to himself in third person, seems a very Joe Buck thing to do. He probably announces his morning routine.

“The clock is winding down to 5am, Joe Buck better get outta bed or he’ll get a delay of work”

“Joe Buck drops back, scrambles left to the bathroom, whips out the monster and drizzles down bowl”

“Buck takes a time out here to check his phone for emails, resumes flushing”

“The count is 2-3 minutes on Joe Buck’s sonicare toothbrush setting”

“Joe Buck puts on his pants, Buck seems distraught after that zip up, seems like these pants don’t fit as well as they used to on Joe Buck’s belly. Joe Buck’s really letting himself go”

“Joe Buck calls up Troy Aikman, sadly gets voicemail. Hey Troy Aikman, it’s Joe Buck…again…just wanted to see if you were free to have a date with Joe Buck after the game, you know, as friends…let me know”

“Joe Buck locks his door and gets into his Chrysler 300 because he thinks it looks like a Bentley”

“Joe Buck thinks the St. Louis Cardinals are just the absolute best and he wants to kiss the entire organization, but only after he gets to the Cowboys first”

“Joe Buck is lonely and sad, why does no one like Joe Buck, is it because Joe Buck too sexy for his shirt, too sexy it hurts?”

“Looks like another night of Netflix and Ice Cream for Joe Buck”

“Joe Buck happy his dad made his career super easy to get into”