By Jonathan Diener





I am the guy standing in the back of the crowd. I’m most likely crossing my arms and not singing along. Even in a situation when there’s a circle pit, stage diving or crowd surfing, I’m most likely not participating. When the singer of the band shouts out to the show-goers for a wall of death or to clap along, I don’t indulgethem. If you’re having a good time up front and look back to see me standing there, you probably think I’m trying to be cool. You probably think I’m not enjoying myself. If you assume those things, you’re in the wrong. I couldn’t be cool even if I tried and I’m probably having a great time. If that’s the case, then why am I standing in the back being, “that guy?”

When I’m going to see a band, I want to get the full experience. Standing near the soundboard is usually the best sonic experience you’ll get. I always try to watch from the middle or back of the room. Being up front, as cool as it is, is actually pretty bad when it comes to the placement of the PA and hearing any vocals. I’ve been to many shows where I was touching the stage and noticed the speakers were aimed toward the third row of people and on. As a musician, I want to be able to fully appreciate the musicianship of the people on stage. Are they energetic or standing still? Can they pull of everything from the record? Do they know how to dial in tone and make it sound rad or is it a muddy mess? The live performance is always a major factor in how much I get into a band. I take it pretty seriously. If it’s a true spectacle I’ll be speechless and don’t want anything to get in my way. If it’s sitting through a buddy’s band or an opening band that I don’t care for, I’ll be polite and be another body in the room.

I used to tour nine months out of the year for about eight years. I’ve been to almost too many shows because I was the one playing them. After a while it’s just not as appealing to stand on a hard floor for five hours and pray that I can pay less than five dollars for water when I inevitably get dehydrated. These days I primarily go to shows if my friends are playing or it’s an artist I really love. With friends on the bill, there’s usually a back room or area to get away from a crowd for a bit and relax. To be blunt: I’m getting older and everything hurts. Let’s be honest, dealing with hundreds of people holding up cell phones, having side conversations and blocking your view isn’t exactly the ideal situation for taking in music. I used to stand right up front and watch every local band on every show, so I feel as if I’ve earned my stripes in that regard. Believe me, I do understand how conceited this all sounds, but I also did this for a living.

The crowd interaction I mentioned earlier is a big part of the live show experience. In my younger years, I was harnessing all of my teenage angst and letting loose at basement shows and hall shows by running around in circle pits and for a brief (and embarrassing) time, hardcore dancing. I hated having crowd surfers fall on my head or macho weirdos push skinny guys like me around, but I kept coming back because that was what I thought I had to do. I vividly remember being in the pit for political punk band, Strike Anywhere. I was screaming my lungs out to every word and the sweat and spit of the singer was spraying on all of us. After being the obnoxious guy jumping off of people, I returned back to the circle pit and what happened next will always be burned into my brain. I was running full speed with a dozen other punker kids and a guy leaned out and slapped me. He didn’t slap my face. He for some reason made direct contact with the tip of my penis. I immediately retreated back into the crowd and was so confused. I’ve gotten bruises and cuts from moshing, but never had anything as bizarre as that happen to me. I was sick of getting hurt and having to focus on the crowd instead of the band. To my recollection, that was the last time I participated in such activities. You know, because of the dick slap.

I have firsthand experience when it comes to being in a band that used to call out the crowd for not reacting. If there’s a room full of people and you’re playing aggressive music, it seems like there should be some reaction other than a polite applause between songs. Punk and hardcore music gives bands and fans high expectations when it comes to the crowd and you can become a failure if they don’t move around to your songs. That is not the case. As people get older, they don’t want to run around at shows, sweat in their nice clothes and be out all night. There is nothing wrong with observing, avoiding injury and liking a band in that aspect. I used to hate those people, thinking they were disrespecting what I do until I became one of them. Now I’m the guy in the back of the room, crossing his arms and waiting to be surprised by my future favorite band.