Charisma News — the same “news” site that brought you advice on how to avoid possession by demonic squid — now has advice on how to prevent Illuminati witches from controlling your mind this Easter.

Unless the editors have decided on a different approach, this website is not satire. People actually believe this.

Ex-witch Beth Eckert recently conducted a study on the Easter season, and what she discovered really forced her to grapple with the truth about the Easter season. Yes, resurrection Sunday is a time to rejoice in our Savior breaking the confines of death. And while Satan lost his power that day, he’s still out to try to twist the meaning to whomever is willing to listen. Watch out for these signs Eckert mentions in her video.

Those signs, which she states around the 4:28 mark, include “mind control” methods via “flu shots, tattoos, blood transfusions, surgeries, dental implants, etc.” And we don’t know when the Illuminati is sending out these signals because “the frequencies that they are sending are higher than the human ear can even detect.”

On her behalf, can somebody please send help?

For people who claim to believe that Satan “lost his power,” you won’t find a more paranoid bunch of believers than the contributors to Charisma.

In all the research Eckert claims to have done, I’m surprised that nothing on the Pagan origins of the holiday — and how Christians gleefully participate in them with egg hunts each year — came up. Now there’s something Christians could be concerned about.

