When my daughter was two years old, we visited my husband’s grandparents for Christmas. When great-grandma leaned in for a hug, my daughter shrieked, “No, I don’t like that old lady! She looks like a witch!” and ran away.

I’m a firm believer in supporting my children’s choices about their bodies, but I was embarrassed. Great-grandma is in her early nineties and very traditional. We don’t get to see her often and when we do, I want my kids on their best behavior.

Lori Day, an educational psychologist and author, describes this typical family interaction. “Children can be fickle and unpredictable at family gatherings,” and adds, “It is important that parents affirm the boundaries their children set, even if it means running from great-grandma.”

Day argues that when parents force unwilling children to give grandma hugs or an aunt a kiss, they teach children that they have no bodily autonomy and the needs of adults supersede the needs of children.

Kari O’Driscoll, a writer and mother of two tween girls, is a firm believer in instilling physical boundaries early on. She says members of her family were sexually assaulted by people they loved and trusted, so even before her daughters could talk, she taught them that they had the right to make choices for their own bodies. “My father-in-law was really offended when [my oldest daughter] didn't want a hug or a kiss or to sit in his lap while he read her a book…We spent a lot of time talking to her about how to be polite and firm. I think it sent her a strong message and, as she got older, she was able to articulate to her friends that she loves them but she needs physical space.”

The recent Facebook post from Planned Parenthood Ottawa (below) offers a wave as an alternative. Day suggests parents encourage their kids to give a high-five or a handshake instead of a more intimate hug or kiss.

As a father of three in Dallas, Texas, Randy Potts recalls that he spent a lot of his childhood kissing and hugging people against his will. The grandson of televangelist Oral Roberts wrote on Twitter:

@lyzl for many parents, they expect their children to show intimacy as a performance: shopping out intimacy they don't wanna personally do — randy r. potts (@thephatic) October 29, 2015

He believes that forcing kids to show affection sends the message that love and affection are just a performance.

Nicole Cliffe, founder and editor of The Toast and a mother of two, notes that she encourages these same boundaries in her children, not only to teach them bodily autonomy, but also because she believes affection is more meaningful for everyone when it is genuine.

@lyzl The sense that no good person WANTS an unwilling embrace, underpinned w choice and boundary stuff, I think. — Nicold Blood (@Nicole_Cliffe) October 29, 2015

Other parents and family members don’t always see forced interactions as a problem. Christa Terry, founder of Hellomamas.com and the mother of two, noted that her policy of not forcing her children to hug relatives “has actually resulted in a few standoffs between myself and older relatives," who worried a child's refusal would cause hurt feelings. Terry explained her reasoning to her family, who, even then, only begrudgingly accepted.

Empower children to say “no” in situations where the person making them uncomfortable is someone close or a loved one, Day notes. Even if there is no immediate threat, there may be in the future.

According to the U.S. Department of Justice, 82% of sexual assaults are committed by someone familiar to the victim, and the majority of sexual assaults happen before a child reaches 18. Beyond rape, many of the acts that comprise sexual assault involve coercive sex, the act of badgering or pressuring someone into sex through verbal threats, promises or emotional abuse.

This is why, Day argues, that learning to draw the line early — even over something seemingly small, like hugging Uncle Joe at Thanksgiving — will teach children they have a say in their bodily autonomy, and give them greater courage to say "no." And if this helps to protect children or adults from future domestic violence, dating violence and sexual assault, wonderful. Day says, “When we teach children to defer to adults about something so basic as a hug, we chip away at their self-esteem and put them at risk for abuse. We are teaching them that they don’t have the power to say ‘no’ to an adult.”

An important part of drawing this boundary is explaining the decision to family and friends before the holidays in a kind and respectful way. Day notes, “Most people will laugh off your kids’ behavior. But when they don’t, it's okay to explain your choices and assert yourself.”

Some of my own family members have been sexually assaulted by someone within the family. So, even though I found my daughter’s antics toward great-grandma less than ideal, it's much more important she understands she always gets to make choices regarding her own body. That supersedes a few moments of awkwardness among relatives.

Plus, as she warmed up to great-grandma, she spent the rest of the visit on her lap reading books, which was much more rewarding.