============================================================================== The Secret of Monkey Island Game Script ver.1.0 ============================================================================== author : Hafiz Rahman e-mail : notinmybackyardplease@yahoo.com first started : 02 June 2003 last updated : 11 June 2003 ============================================================================== 00. Table of Contents / Version History ============================================================================== I. main game script II. miscellaneous things you may want to ignore: insult sword fighting script, did-you-know-that, credits, disclaimer, etc. ----------------------- Ver. 1.0 11 June 2003 Finished what's currently here. DUH. ============================================================================== I. main game script ============================================================================== Okay, after what quite possibly be the shortest table of contents section ever in the history of gaming guides, we'll start with the script already. Note that The Secret of Monkey Island (SoMI for short) has quite a loose gameflow, so your storyline may vary from what's listed here. Due to the overwhelming amount of choices and story paths, I can only put ONE kind of flow that makes the whole story, while the rest of the scripts should be explored by yourself; I don't really have THAT much of a free time -- and honestly -- I can't figure out an effective way to chart out the all-confusing "SCUMM" story system as to make it an easy read. I apologize. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Opening Screen ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Deep in the Caribbean The Island of Mêlée The Secret of Monkey Island TM & (c) 1990 LucasArts Entertainment Company. All Rights Reserved. Created and Designed by Ron Gilbert Written and Programmed by Ron Gilbert, Dave Grossman and Tim Schafer Background Art by Steve Purcell, Mark Ferrari and Mike Ebert Animation by Steve Purcell, Mike Ebert and Martin Cameron as "Bucky" 256 Color Art by Tami Borrowick, James Dolar, Bill Eaken, Avril Harrison, Iain McCaig, Jim McLeod, Michael Stemmle, and Sean Turner Original Music by Michael Land... ...Barney Jones and Andy Newell of earwax productions... ...and Patrick Mundy Lead testing by Judith Lucero, Kirk Roulston and Matt Wood Testers Brett Barett, Mark Cartwright, Wayne Cline, Jim Current, Dave Dahle, Justin Graham, Carla Green, James Hampton, Howard Harrison, Ari Hollander, Mike Kerry, Kirk Lesser, David Maxwell, Bret Mogilefsky, Aaron Muszalski, Liz Nagy, Ezra Palmer-Persen, Dave Popovich, Darrel Parker, Joe Pinney, Dave Ruedger, Matt Schneider, Damon Tripodi, John Van and J. Anthony White Produced by Greg Hammond "SCUMM" Story system by Ron Gilbert, Aric Wilmunder and Brad Taylor ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Epilogue ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Our hero, Guybrush Threepwood, appears on the screen and greets and old man. Guybrush : Hi! My name's Guybrush Threepwood, and I want to be a pirate! Old Man : Yikes! Don't sneak up on me like that! Guybrush : Er... I'm over this way. Old Man : Ah! Well, then, Triftweed-- Guybrush : THREEPWOOD. Guybrush THREEPWOOD. Old Man : I see. So, you want to be a pirate, eh? You look more like a flooring inspector. But if you're serious about pirating, go talk to the pirate leaders. You'll find them in the Scumm Bar. Guybrush : Gosh, thanks! I'll do that! Bye, now. I'm off to seek my fortune. Old Man : Good luck. Guybrush : (walks away, but suddenly stops) Um... Where did you say those pirate leaders were? Old Man : The SCUMM BAR. Guybrush : Right. Thanks. (leaves the screen) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Part One: The Three Trials ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Guybrush walks down the dock. Eventually, he finds the Scumm Bar and enters. Then he talks to the pirate nearby the door. Pirate : Ahoy there, stranger. New in town? Guybrush : My name's Guybrush Threepwood. I'm new in town. Pirate : Guybrush Threepwood? Ha ha ha!!! That's the stupidest name I've ever heard! Guybrush : I don't know... I kind of like 'Guybrush.' Pirate : But it's not even a name! Guybrush : Well, what's YOUR name? Pirate : My name is Mancomb Seepgood. So, what brings you to Mêlée Island anyway? Guybrush : I want to be a pirate! Mancomb : Oh, really? You should go talk to the important-looking pirates in the next room. They're pretty much in charge around here. They can tell you where to go and what to do. Guybrush : Where can I find the Governor? Mancomb : Governor Marley? Her mansion is on the other side of town. But pirates aren't as welcome around her place as they used to be. Guybrush : Why not? Mancomb : Well, the last time she had a pirate over for dinner, he fell in love with her. It's made things rather uncomfortable for everybody. Guybrush : How's that? Mancomb : Well, there's a whole big story about what happened next... But I don't believe a word of it. Estevan over there at the other table might tell you about it. He takes the whole thing seriously. VERY seriously. Uh-oh, it looks like my grog is going flat, so you'll have to excuse me. Nice talking to you. Have fun on Mêlée Island. Guybrush walks off and talks to Estevan, who has a scar on his face. Estevan : What are you looking at me for? Guybrush : I'd like to introduce myself... my name's Guybrush. Estevan : Yeah, so what? Guybrush : Who's this pirate that's bugging the Governor? Estevan : LeChuck? He's the guy that went to the Governor's for dinner and never wanted to leave. He fell for her in a big way, but she told him to drop dead. So he did. Then things really got ugly. Guybrush : What's so scary about this LeChuck guy? Estevan : LeChuck was a fearsome pirate. He tried to impress the Governor by sailing off to find the Secret of Monkey Island™. But a mysterious came up and sank his ship, leaving no survivors. We thought that was the end of the fearsome pirate LeChuck. We were wrong. Guybrush : What happened then? Estevan : He still sails the waters between here and Monkey Island™. His ghost ship is an unholy terror upon the sea. That's why we're all in here and not out pirating. Guybrush : What happened to your eye? Estevan : Well, I was putting in my contact lens when--Hey, wait a second! That's none of your business! Guybrush : Excuse me, but I'm looking for the dart board. Estevan : Dart board? We don't have one anymore. There was a horrible accident. Drinking and darts don't mix. Guybrush : Where can I get a drink? Estevan : A drink? You could wait for the cook to notice you... but that could take all day. Just find a mug and sneak into the kitchen. That's what we all do. Look, this whole LeChuck thing has me pretty shaken up. So if you don't mind... Guybrush leaves and talks to another pirate, a bald one with funny hat. The pirate has an "Ask me about LOOM" badge on his clothes. Pirate : Aye! Guybrush : Aye, yourself. Pirate : Aye. Guybrush : Nice hat. Pirate : Aye. Guybrush : So, tell me about LOOM. Pirate : (Face brightens) ("<ADVERTISEMENT>" text blinks down the screen) You mean the latest masterpiece of fantasy storytelling from Lucasfilm's™ Brian Moriarty™? Why it's an extraordinary adventure with an interface on magic... stunning, high-resolution, 3D landscapes... sophisticated score and musical effects. Not to mention the detailed animation and special effects, elegant point 'n' click control of characters, objects, and magic spells. Beat the rush! Go out and buy Loom™ today! Guybrush : Geeze, what an obvious sales pitch. Pirate : Sorry, but on some topics I just get carried away. Guybrush : Nice talking to you. Pirate : Aye. Guybrush approaches a dog and, whew, talks to it too. Dog : Grrrrrrrr. Guybrush : Woof. Dog : WOOF? Aruff roof! Woof-woof arf woof... ...warroof, Mêlée Island™! ...a-roof wuf: ...LeChuck! Grrrrrrr! Guybrush : Wuf, 'LeChuck?' Dog : Worf woof woof ruff-ruff... Wor-roof wuf? Ruff arf-arf, bow-ruff... ...Governor Marley! A-OOOOOOO! A-OOOOOOO! (ruff ruff ruff) Bow-roo wuf rowwf-- --Arrooof-- --LeChuck! GRRRRRRRRR! Arf, oof-oof, Monkey Island™! *sniff* *sniff* Guybrush leaves to the next screen and talks to the important-looking pirates. Green P. : What be ye wantin' boy? Guybrush : I want to be a fireman. Blue P. : Get lost, boy, you bother us. Guybrush : I mean to kill you all! Blue P. : Get lost, boy, you bother us. Guybrush : I want to be a pirate. Blue P. : So what? Green P. : Why bother us? Black P. : Hey, don't forget we're short on help because of this whole LeChuck thing. Blue P. : So? Black P. : So, no pirates means no swag, and no swag means no grog, and we're getting dangerously low on grog... Blue P. : Hmm... Do you have any special skills? Guybrush : I can hold my breath for ten minutes! Blue P. : Well... All right, but you don't become a pirate just by ASKING. Black P. : You'll have to go through... All : The three trials! Guybrush : Er... What three trials are those? Green P. : There are three trials every pirate must pass. Blue P. : You must master the sword... Green P. : ...and the art of thievery... Black P. : ...and the quest. Green P. : The what? Black P. : Treasure huntin', ya sea urchin! Green P. : Right. You must prove yourself in each of these three areas: swordplay, thievery, and, er, treasure huntery; then return with proof that you've done it. Blue P. : And then ye must drink grog with us!! All : GROG!!! Guybrush : Tell me more about mastering the sword. Blue P. : First, get ye a sword. You must seek out and defeat the Sword Master. Someone in town can probably direct you. Oh! You'll want to find someone to train you first. Black P. : Ha ha. Imagine trying to take on the Sword Master without any training! All : Har Har Har Guybrush : Tell me more about mastering the art of thievery. Green P. : We want you to procure a small item for us... Blue P. : The Idol of Many Hands... Black P. : In the Governor's Mansion! Green P. : The Governor keeps the Idol o' Many Hands in a display case in the mansion outside the town. Blue P. : You'll have to get past the guards, naturally. Black P. : The tricky part will be getting past the dogs outside. Blue P. : They're a particularly vicious breed... ...you might be able to drug them or something. Guybrush : Tell me more about treasure hunting. Black P. : Legend has it that there's a treasure buried here on the island... Blue P. : All you must do is find the Legendary Lost Treasure of Mêlée Island™ and bring it back here. Guybrush : Should I have a map or something? Blue P. : Ye can hardly expect to find a treasure without a map! Green P. : ...and don't forget: X marks the spot! All : Har Har Har Guybrush : You're a bunch of foul-smelling, grog-swilling pigs! Blue P. : To be a pirate ye must also be a foul-smelling, grog-swilling pig. Guybrush : What's in that grog stuff, anyway? Green P. : Grog is a secret mixture which contains one or more of the following: Blue P. : kerosene Green P. : propylene glycol Black P. : artificial sweeteners Blue P. : sulphuric acid Green P. : rum Black P. : acetone Blue P. : red dye #2 Green P. : scumm Black P. : axle grease Blue P. : battery acid Green P. : and/or pepperoni As you can probably imagine, it's one of the most caustic, volatile substances known to man. Blue P. : The stuff eats right through these mugs and the cook is losing a fortune replacing them. All : Har Har Har Guybrush : I'll just be running along now. Blue P. : Leave us to our grog. Green P. : Come back later and tell us how ye're doing. Ready for the first quest on swordmastery, Guybrush sneaks into the kitchen while the cook is busy serving the pirates and doesn't notice. In there, he picks a hunk of meat, a pot, and a fish after tricking out a bird who's also interested with the poor creature. He puts the meat into the pot o' stew and picks up a stewed meat. Having nothing else to plunder, Guybrush goes outside the bar and into the town. Meanwhile... Deep beneath Monkey Island, the ghost pirate LeChuck's ship lies anchored in a river of lava. LeChuck is standing on his room while a bone pirate approaches. Bone : Captain LeChuck...sir...I... LeChuck : Ah... There's nothin' like the hot winds of hell blowin' in your face. Bone : No sir... Nothing like it... Ah... Sir... I... LeChuck : (turns around) It's days like this that makes you glad to be dead. Bone : Oh yes sir...glad to be dead... LeChuck : Ye are glad to be dead, RIGHT? Bone : Oh yes sir. I feel so lucky that you happened to capture my ship, then murdered me and everyone on board... ...yes sir... lucky. LeChuck : Glad to hear it. Now what was it you disturbed me for? Bone : Ah...yes sir...well, you see, we might have a problem on Mêlée Island™. LeChuck : PROBLEM?!? What possible problem could there be!? I've got those sissy pirates so scared of the sea they're afraid to take a bath! Bone : Well... There seems to be a new pirate in town. Actually, he's a pirate wannabe. Young. Inexperienced. Probably nothing to worry 'bout. Don't know why I bothered you with it. I'll have him taken care of myself. (about to leave) LeChuck : Wait! I'll handle this personally. My plans are too important to be messed up by amateurs. Bone : Yes sir. The screen switches back to Guybrush, who walks through the archway and talks to the Citizen of Mêlée. Citizen : Excuse me, but do you have a cousing named Sven? Guybrush : No, but I once had a barber named Dominique. Citizen : Close enough. Let's talk business. You want to buy a map to the Legendary Lost Treasure of Mêlée Island™? Only one in existence. Rare. Very rare. Only 100 pieces of eight... Guybrush : No thanks. I don't have enough money. Citizen : Well then, buzz off kid, it's bad for business. Guybrush then approaches the gang of pirates on the other corner. They are the pirate sitting on a barrel, a fat one, and a tall one. There's a rat in front of them. Guybrush : Hey, nice rat! Barrel P.: Do you like rats? Guybrush : Yes, I love rats! Barrel P.: They're very intelligent creatures! Fat P. : Ha ha ha ha!! Tall P. : (hits Fat P. on the head) Fat P. : -- dpk -- Barrel P.: More intelligent than HIM. Why, there's a story around these parts that a bunch of rats actually crewed a ship here from fabled Monkey Island™. Tall P. : No, that's not right. It was actually a group of monkeys. Guybrush : That's amazing! Tall P. : But true. When they arrived, they sold the ship for a pretty penny. Only time I've seen anyone get the better of ol' Stan in a deal. Barrel P.: I thought it was rats... Guybrush : Do you guys know the sneaky-looking man on the opposite corner? Tall P. : Wanna buy a map, eh? OUR maps are top quality, not like the birdcage liners you get from that clown across the street. (looks around) Fat P. : (laughs) Tall P. : No, just kidding. These are actually copies of the minutes of the last meeting of the Mêlée Island™ PTA. Can't even GIVE them away. (hits Fat Pirate on the head) Fat P. : -- tdk -- Tall P. : Want one? Guybrush : No, but I'll take one if you give me two pieces of eight. Tall P. : OK, that's fair. Guybrush receives the minutes and 2 pieces of eight. Guybrush : Say, are you guys pirates? Tall P. : No, we're a wandering circus troupe. Fat P. : (Laughs) Barrel P.: But this rat scared away the elephant. Tall P. : Shut up! (hits Fat Pirate on the head) Fat P. : -- yqk -- Tall P. : Of course we're pirates! You can't buy clothes like these off the rack! Barrel P.: What do you want? Guybrush : What's in the keg? Tall P. : Jam Barrel P. : Rum Tall P : Rum Barrel P. : Jam Tall P. : Er... rum and jam. It's an old pirate favorite, everybody knows that. Guybrush : I'm really interested in this pirating thing. Barrel P.: What do you want? Guybrush : How come you're on this street corner and not on a ship, looting, pillaging, sacking, that sort of thing? Tall P. : Well, pirating hasn't been panning out so well for us... Barrel P.: There are some UNNATURALLY talented pirates in the area right now... Tall P. : Operating out of Monkey Island™. Barrel P.: So we've been pursuing alternate means of self-support. We're trying to start up a circus. Tall P. : It was working out well, until the rat scared off the elephant. (looking around, nobody laughs) Now you've depressed us. Go home. As Guybrush enters a house, he picks up a chicken thing from the table. Guybrush : Maybe no one will miss just this one thing. Then, he goes in and meets with the Voodoo Lady. Lady : What may I help you with, son? Guybrush : (How much for this keen-looking chicken?) Lady : Aah... I sense the guilt of stealing my chicken grows. Take it. It's yours. Guybrush : Why don't you want it? Is it jinxed with an ancient voodoo curse? Lady : No... the pulley squeaks. Guybrush : (My name is Guybrush Threepwood and I'm a mighty pirate.) Lady : Wait... ...don't say anything. I can sense your name is... ...is... ...Guybrush... ...Guybrush Nosehair. No... ...Threepwood. Guybrush Threepwood. Am I not right? Guybrush : Lucky guess. Half the people I know are named Guybrush. Lady : I suggest you open your mind. It will help you in your coming journey. Guybrush : Journey? What can you tell me about my journey? Lady : I am getting a vision... ...I see you taking a voyage, a long voyage. I see you captaining a ship. Guybrush : Yeah! Lady : I see... Guybrush : What? See what? Lady : I see a giant monkey. Guybrush : Yikes! Lady : I see you inside the giant monkey. Guybrush : Gross. Lady : Wait... it is all becoming clear. Your journey will have many parts. You will see things better left unseen. You will hear things better left unheard. You will learn things better left unlearned. Guybrush : What kind of things? I hate surprises. Lady : NO! The time is not right to know. When you know your purpose, come see me... ...I will let you know then. (suddenly disappears) Guybrush : Yikes! As he explores to the next town part, a weird whisper is heard. Whisper : Pssssst. Guybrush walks into the alley, from which the whisper seems to come. Guybrush : Hello? Anybody in here? HELLO??? Person : (sneaking up from behind) You know, bad things could happen to a person in a dark, deserted alley like this one. And at this time of night, nobody would be around to see it. Guybrush : Yeah, and bad things happen to people who sneak up on other people from behind. Person : So, you're going to give me a little attitude, eh? I'd better get your name. Guybrush : I'm Guybrush Threepwood, and I'm a mighty pirate. Person : Listen Peepwood-- Guybrush : Threepwood! Guybrush Threepwood! Person : Whatever your name is, listen: I'm the sheriff around here. Sheriff Fester Shinetop. Take it from me--This is a bad time to be visiting Mêlée Island™. A very BAD time. My advice to you is to find somewhere else to take your vacation. (walks away) Somewhere safer. (leaves) Guybrush : Boy, I feel much better knowing there's an officer of the law around. Guybrush walks into what seemed to be the town's jail. He talks to a man held in one of the cell. Man : You gotta get me out of here! I'm a victim of society. Guybrush : Not to mention halitosis. (walks away) Yuck! Man : Hey, it's hard to keep my breath minty-fresh when there's nothing to eat in here but rats. Next, Guybrush attempts to do something with the death-breath prisoner, so he walks to the shop to find something that may be of a help. Strkeeper: Ahoy there, fancy pants. Waddya want? Guybrush : I could really use a breath mint. Strkeeper: You're telling me! Here take one... ...please. Take a whole roll! That'll be one piece of eight. Guybrush : (gives the money) Strkeeper: What else do you want? Guybrush : I think I'd just like to browse. Strkeeper: Okay, but don't put your lips on anything. Guybrush returns to the prisoner and hands the breath mints. Man : Ooooh! Grog-o-Mint! How refreshing! Thanks. So, have you come to release me? Guybrush : Who are you? Man : My name is Otis. At least, I think it is. I've been in here so long I can hardly remember. You've got to get me out of here before I lose my mind completely! Can't you see I'm innocent? Guybrush : But why are you in jail, if you're innocent? Otis : I was framed! I didn't touch the stupid flowers! Guybrush : What flowers? Otis : The yellow Caniche Endormi flowers in the forest--It's against the law to pick them. Guybrush : Can I get you anything? Otis : Yes... YOU CAN GET ME OUT OF HERE! Actually, something to get rid of these rats would be nice. I'd trade you this carrot cake my Aunt Tillie made. I hate carrot cake. Guybrush : So, how's the food in there? Otis : Oh, you know, the usual... Slop, grog, gruel... Rats, bugs, and body lice if I can catch them. I have a carrot cake my Aunt Tillie made, even though she knows I detest carrot cake. Actually, the cook at the bar is an old friend of mine, and sometimes he sneaks me food. Like pork trimmings--mostly feet and lips--but once in a while... ...he brings this really odd rump roast... Guybrush : What was so odd about the rump roast? Otis : Well, it's the only rump roast I've ever seen with a prehensile tail. Guybrush : Sheriff Shinetop sure is a jerk, isn't he? Otis : No kidding. Fester Shinetop is the meanest man on Mêlée Island™. Luckily, the Governor keeps him in check most of the time. We used to have a fair, decent man for a sheriff--but he recently died under mysterious circumstances. If you aske me, I think the new sheriff had something to do with it. Suddenly, the sheriff appears. Sheriff : I think you've said enough, Otis! Otis : Whoops. (leaves) Sheriff : I hope you haven't been taking this filthy vagrant too seriously. He'd say anything to avoid paying his debt to society. Guybrush : He IS filthy. And he smells bad too. Otis : Hey, thanks a lot. Sheriff : You've got a lot of nerve coming into this town and passing judgement on the locals. If there's something you don't like about the way we smell, you're welcome to leave anytime. Guybrush : Sorry. Sheriff : Look, I don't know what you're up to... ...but whatever it is, it's probably illegal. So forget it. (leaves) Wherever you go on Mêlée™, I'll be watching. And if you try any monkey business, you'll end up in here for good. The Sheriff leaves. Otis : Man, is he a pill or what. You see what I have to put up with? You'd better go before you get us both in trouble. Guybrush leaves completely off of the town and wanders to a place in the map called a "clearing". There appears to be a circus tent down there, and he attempts to enter. Inside... Man 1 : I'd get in the cannon, but the gunpowder makes me sneeze. Man 2 : Well, I can't do it, I hurt my hand taming the lion last week. Man 1 : I hardly think that little scratch compares to my chronic allergy. You get in the cannon. Man 2 : You don't have any allergies, you faker. YOU get in the cannon. Man 1 : No, YOU get in the cannon! Man 2 : No, YOU get in the cannon! Man 1 : Slacker! Man 2 : Loser! Man 1 : Ruffian! Man 2 : Fop! Man 1 : Weasel! Man 2 : Weevil! Man 1 : Miscreant! Man 2 : Toady! Man 1 : Ne'er-do-well! Man 2 : Scofflaw! Man 1 : Mullet-head! Man 2 : Millet-head! Man 1 : Pencil-head! Man 2 : Half-head! Man 1 : Cheese-head! Man 2 : Harpy! Man 1 : What? Man 2 : Just get in the cannon! Man 1 : No, YOU get in the cannon! Man 2 : No, YOU get in the cannon! Man 1 : Your mother wears combat slippers! Man 2 : Leave our mother out of it! Get in the cannon! Man 1 : No, YOU get in the cannon! Man 2 : No, YOU get in the cannon! Man 1 : You're a chicken! Man 2 : You're a dead chicken! Man 1 : Well, you're a dead chicken with a pulley in the middle! Man 2 : What? Man 1 : Just get in the cannon. Man 2 : No, YOU get in the cannon! Man 1 : No, YOU get in the cannon! Guybrush : (interrupts) Why are you guys dressed up in those ridiculous outfits? The two men suddenly approaches in an amazing pace. Man 1 : Say there, son, how'd you like a chance-- Man 2 : --A once in a lifetime chance-- Man 1 : --To perform an amazing feat-- Man 2 : --A death-defying feat-- Man 1 : --Well, not so death-defying, really-- Man 2 : --A dangerous feat-- Man 1 : --No, not dangerous at all-- Man 2 : --An easy feat-- Man 1 : --But exciting!-- Man 2 : --With the Amazing-- Man 1 : --Adventurous, Acrobatic-- Man 2 : --And Exceedingly Well-Known-- Man 1 : --Fabulous, Flying-- Man 2 : --Fettucini Brothers! Man 1 : That's us. Man 2 : My brother Alfredo... Alfredo : And my brother Bill. Bill : Sound good? Alfredo : Good. Bill : It's very simple, really. Alfredo : See that cannon over there? All you have to do-- Bill : --Is get in the cannon-- Alfredo : --And we'll shoot you out of it-- Bill : --Across the room-- Alfredo : --Quite safe, actually-- Bill : --So, what do you say? Guybrush : How much will you pay me? Alfredo : How about 478 pieces of eight? Guybrush : OK, sounds good. Alfredo : Have you got a helmet? Guybrush : Er... no, I don't have a helmet. Will I need one? Bill : No helmet? Alfredo : Oh, you've got to have a helmet-- Bill : --Can't do the cannon trick without a helmet-- Alfredo : --Nosiree! Bill : Go get a helmet, and then we can do the trick. Guybrush leaves, but returns again as he actually does have some sort of, euh, helm-thing in his inventory. Alfredo : Have you got a helmet? Guybrush : Of course I have a helmet. What sort of idiot do you take me for? Bill : Well, let's have it. Alfredo : We want to be sure-- Bill : --That it's safe-- Alfredo : --Wouldn't want you hurt-- Bill : --Nosiree! Guybrush shows the brothers the pot he acquired earlier from the bar. Bill : Ah, that will work as a helmet! Alfredo : Now we can do the trick. Bill : Step right over here, son. They all walk to the cannon. Alfredo : Now, put on your helmet-- Bill : --and get in the cannon-- Alfredo : --and we'll take care of the rest. Guybrush : (talks into the cannon) ECHO echo (wears the helmet and gets into the cannon) In a second, the cannon bursts, throwing Guybrush across the room--smacking him right onto the wooden pillar supporting the tent from the inside. Alfredo : It works! Bill : I'm so relieved! The two brothers approach the still-upside-down Guybrush. Alfredo : Hey... Bill : Are you OK? Guybrush : (written--err, spoken--in upside-down words) I'm Bobbin. Are you my mother? Alfredo : He's all right! Bill : Hooray! We are spared an embarassing and financially debilitating lawsuit! Alfredo : Here's your money, sir. Bill : Just recompense for aiding us. We just need to change the aim a bit. Alfredo : I'll try it next! Bill : No, I'LL do it next! Alfredo : No, me! Bill : No, ME! Alfredo : Slacker! Bill : Loser! Alfredo : Ruffian! Bill : Fop! Guybrush leaves the circus. Now, with the money in hand, he returns to the shop to get some stuff. Strkeeper: Ahoy there, fancy pants. Guybrush : (Picks the sword and the shovel) Strkeeper: Are you waiting for me to fall asleep or something? Guybrush : (Approaches the storekeeper) Strkeeper: Waddya want? Guybrush : About this sword... Strkeeper: What about it? Guybrush : How much is it? Strkeeper: That's 100 pieces of eight. Take it or leave it. Guybrush : I'll take it. Strkeeper: Great. Best 100 pieces of eight you ever spent. What else do you want? Guybrush : I'd like some rat repellent, please. Strkeeper: Hah! I'll bet you would. But I haven't got any. What else do you want? Guybrush : About this shovel... Strkeeper: What about it? Guybrush : How much is it? Strkeeper: Another would-be treasure hunter, eh? That'll cost you 75 pieces of eight. Guybrush : I'll take it. Strkeeper: Great. It'll pay for itself, believe me. You'll dig up 75 pieces of eight in no time. But hey, save some treasure for the rest of us, would ya? Ha ha ha! What else do you want? Guybrush : I think I'd just like to browse. Strkeeper: Be my guest, fancy pants. Having the sword in hand, Guybrush seeks some form of training that would prepare him against the Sword Master. He goes out of the town and to the bridge. There, he sees a Troll guarding the bridge. Troll : NONE SHALL PASS!! Guybrush talks to it. Troll : STOP!! You must pay a toll! Guybrush : Look behind you! A mouse! Troll : I'm not falling for that! Scuttle along, you scurvy sea slug! Guybrush talks to it again. Troll : You can't pass until you pay the toll! Guybrush : Stand aside, troll, I'm a mighty pirate. Troll : You're no pirate! Why, the town drunk could out-insult you on his back. (...and probably would.) Guybrush : I can out-insult anybody, you brainless clay doppelganger! Troll : I once owned a dog that was smarter than you. Take THAT and stick it in your repertoire! Guybrush talks to it, again. Troll : You can't pass until you pay the toll! Guybrush : Oh, please, can't I pass? Troll : Boy, do you sound like a wimp. I don't like wimps. Guybrush talks to it, yet again. Troll : You can't pass until you pay the toll! Guybrush : How much is the toll? Troll : Well, what have you got? Guybrush : A rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle? Troll : I want something that will attract attention, but have no real importance. Guybrush : My old moss-covered three-handled family credenza? Troll : Don't be silly. You have three chances to give me what I want. Then... ...I eat ya! Guybrush talks to it again. Troll : You can't pass until you pay the toll! Guybrush : How much did you say the toll was? Troll : I want something that will attract attention, but have no real importance. Guybrush picks up the fish he recently grabbed and gives it to the troll. Troll : Ah! A red herring! Pass. Guybrush : (walks through the bridge) When Guybrush isn't looking, the troll throws its club and opens up its head-- it appears to be a costume worn by someone looking real close to that of George Lucas. The man eats the fish and puts his mask back again, right before Guybrush turns around. Guybrush walks to a house by the end of the island. He looks at the sign. Guybrush : Captain Smirk's Big Body Pirate Gym Prices: Sword Training 30 pieces o' eight Cannon Firing 160 pieces o' eight (balls extra) Grappling Hook 130 pieces o' eight (hook extra) Realizing this should be the place to get the training thing, Guybrush goes to the door. Guybrush : I think I'll knock. It'd only be polite. The door opens, and some tough-looking guy appears. Guy : What do you want, you wimpy little spineless maggot? Guybrush : Um, could you please put out that cigar? It's not good for your health, and it smells terrible. Guy : Sure, I'd love to put it out... ...in your face! Guybrush : Uh... ...maybe I'll just leave instead. Guy : Good idea. The guy goes into the door, but Guybrush knocks it again. Captain Smirk appears again. Smirk : What do you want? Guybrush : Do you know where the Sword Master lives? Smirk : Forget it, kid. She'd cut your head clean off. Unless, of course, you got some training first... Guybrush : Can we step inside? It's a little chilly out here. Smirk : What did you say? Guybrush : I said it's a little chilly out here! Smirk : Hmmm... You're right. I could catch a cold. The guy returns back into the house. Guybrush calls him up again. Smirk : What do you want? Guybrush : Could you train me to be better than the Sword Master? Smirk : Better than the Sword Master? You? Ha ha ha! You could never be HALF the sword fighter Carla is. Even with hours of hard work and sweatin' blood. I remember fighting side-by-side with Carla at Port Royal... ...the local constabulary had us cornered! It looked like we were done for, but then she said-- --but I digress... You just don't have what it takes. Guybrush : I do so have what it takes! Smirk : You do not! Guybrush : I do so! Smirk : You do not! Guybrush : I do so! Smirk : I like your spirit. I'll do what I can. Of course... ...it'll cost you. What have you got? Guybrush : All I have is this dead chicken. Smirk : That isn't one of those rubber chickens with a pulley in the middle is it? I've already got one. What ELSE have you got? Guybrush : I figured you'd do it for free. Smirk : Well, you figured wrong. What ELSE have you got? Guybrush : I've got 30 pieces of eight. Smirk : Say no more, say no more. Let's see your sword. Guybrush : I do have this deadly-looking chicken. Smirk : Yes, swinging a rubber chicken with big metal pulley in it can be quite dangerous... ...BUT IT'S NOT A SWORD!!! Let's see your sword. Guybrush : OK, check it out. (shows the sword) Smirk : Yes, this is a nice one. Let's get to it. They both enter the house, to what seems to be a training room. Smirk : OK, ya maggot... ...why don't you whip that sword out and let's see what you can do with it. Guybrush funnily swings the sword here and away. Smirk : Boy! You fight like a dairy farmer! I usually don't waste my time with vermin like yourself. But seeing as this LeChuck thing has put a cramp on business, I've got no choice... ...I need the money. Guybrush : (still swinging the sword) Smirk : Yes... ...I can see this is going to take some special measures. Just want you to know... ...I don't do this with everyone. It's only because I feel that special... ...student/mentor/pieces-of-eight bonding... ...that I'm going to these lengths. I'm going to put you up against... ...THE MACHINE. Guybrush : Machine? Is this going to hurt? Captain Smirk walks away, only to return with his odd looking machine. Guybrush : Yikes! Smirk : Come at me. Don't be afraid, you won't hurt me. Use your forte against the foible. Distance, distance! No, beat first, then lunge. Use your forte against the foible. Hours later... Smirk : You're starting to get the hang of it. More hours later... Smirk : Not bad. You've got good form. Now I'm gonna let you in on the true secret of sword fighting. Sword fighting is kinda like making love. It's not always what you do, but what you say. Any fool pirate can swing a sharp piece of metal around and hope to cut something... ...but the pros... ...they know just when to cut their opponent with an insult... ...one that catches 'em off guard. You see, kid, your wit's got to be twice as sharp as your sword. Let's try a couple of insults out, shall we? Okay... ...imagine this: We're fighting up a storm... ...just like Carla and I were doing at Port Royal. There's a sudden break in the fighting and I say to you... ...'You fight like a dairy farmer.' You respond with? Guybrush : You must be thinking of someone else, I am not a farmer. Smirk : I can see we've got a lot of work to do here. You should have responded with something like... ...'How appropriate. You fight like a cow.' You see... It's razor-sharp wit like that that wins fights. Let's try another. Imagine this: You're trapped up against a wall... ...my sword just slashed two cuts into your face. I say... ...'Soon you'll be wearing my sword like a shish-kabob!' You respond with? Guybrush : How appropriate. You fight like a cow. Smirk : No! No! No! That was the response from the last insult. <sigh> A correct response to... ...'Soon you'll be wearing my sword like a shish-kabob!'... ...would have been something like... ...'First you'd better stop waving it around like a feather-duster.' See... ...razor-sharp! Now I suggest you go out there and learn some insults. Outside... Guybrush : I can't help but feel like I've been ripped off. I'm sure you're feeling something similar. So, now Guybrush takes the chance to halt some pirates and challenges them into an insult-sword fight. Pirate : Aye! This better be importan'. Guybrush : Nice night we're having, isn't it? Pirate : I sure hopes ya had sumpting more importan' ta stop me for? Guybrush : How do you guys talk so funny? Pirate : Pirate Lingo! It's how everybody talked back then. Come on Guybrush, play along. Guybrush : My name is Guybrush Threepwood. Prepare to die! After some other fights... Pirate : Aye! This better be importan'. Guybrush : Ever notice how all these roads start to look the same? Pirate : Yeah! Now that you mention it, they do. It's probably just that we're tired. Guybrush : My name is Guybrush Threepwood. Prepare to die! Eventually, our hero learns a whole bunch of insults and their counters, and manages to defeat the lesser pirates. Pirate : Wow! You're good enough to fight the Sword Master. Now that he is strong enough, Guybrush goes to the shop in the village, where the storekeeper seems to know a bit more about the mysterious Sword Master. Strkeeper: Ahoy there, fancy pants. Waddya want? Guybrush : I'm looking for the Sword Master of Mêlée Island™. Strkeeper: The Sword Master of Mêlée Island™? Hmmm... I don't know... Nobody knows the whereabouts of her secret hideout... ...nobody except me. I'd have to go and ask her if it's okay to show you the way. Hmmm... I guess I could hike all the way over there... ...ONCE. (puts a notice on the desk) Be right back. (stops by the door) AND DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING! The storekeeper leaves. However, Guybrush follows him from behind. Leaving the village, and into the fork that leads into the confusing paths inside the forest; while he's at it, he finds a weird, yellow flower blooms and picks it up. He also meets a red flower in the way, but he digress. Guybrush : I don't think strolling through the forest picking flowers is very good practice for being a pirate. Eventually, he follows the storekeeper to the secret house inside the forest where Sword Master lives. The storekeeper approaches the Sword Master. Guybrush : I better just stay back here and eavesdrop. Strkeeper: Hello again, Carla. Carla : I thought I told you to get lost. Strkeeper: Actually, I'm here on business. This kid came into my store, see... Carla : Face it, you crusty old letch... ...you'd make any excuse just to come out here and bother me. Strkeeper: Yeah, I guess so. Carla : Well, cut it out. I'm sick of it. Take a hike and don't come out here again. Someone might follow you, and then I'd become another Mêlée Island tourist attraction. Strkeeper: Hey, it's your loss, baby. Carla : Yeah, right. Now SCRAM. The storekeeper leaves, and Guybrush decides it's the time to challenge Carla the Sword Master. Carla : How dare you approach the Sword Master without permission... Which I surely didn't give you. Guybrush : Hi, I'm selling these fine leather jackets. Carla : Do you have one in size 3? Of course you don't! Because you're not really a jacket salesman! Let's be honest: you're here to prove yourself to the Pirate Leaders, in hopes of one day being as immoral as they are. Guybrush : Yep, nailed right on the head... gee, you're smart. Carla : I can tell by the sarcastic expression on your face that you've been fully trained by Captain Smirk. Let's get this over with. So, it begins. Carla : My wisest enemies run away at the first sight of me! Guybrush : Even BEFORE they smell your breath? Carla : Every word you say to me is stupid. Guybrush : I wanted to make sure you'd feel comfortable with me. Carla : No one will ever catch ME fighting as badly as you do. Guybrush : You run THAT fast? Carla : I've got a long, sharp lesson for you to learn today. Guybrush : And I've got a little TIP for you. Get the POINT? Carla : My sword is famous all over Caribbean! Guybrush : Too bad no one's ever heard of YOU at all. Carla : Only once have I met such coward! Guybrush : He must have taught you everything you know. Carla : Now I know what filth and stupidity really are. Guybrush : I'm glad to hear you attended your family reunion. Carla : OK, you win. Well, I hope you're happy. You can go back and brag to all your friends about how you beat the Sword Master. You'll need proof... Here, this should convince them. Guybrush acquires 100% cotton T-shirt, one that says 'I beat the Sword Master' at that. So he goes to the three important-looking pirates and show them the T-shirt. Green P. : Well, if it isn't the boy who wants to be a pirate. How do you fare on your quests? Guybrush : I'm the deadliest scalawag what ever swung a sword! Blue P. : Well, defeated the Sword Master, did ye? Ye're a strong fellow! Ye may keep the stylish T-shirt. We have enough. Guybrush : I'll just be running along now. Blue P. : Leave us to our grog. Green P. : Come back later and tell us how ye're doing. So, the next quest is to get into the Governor's Mansion, the place Guybrush visits only to find out that it is guarded by deadly piranha poodles. He wants to use the sword, but no. Guybrush : On those helpless dogs? Somehow, he figures to add the yellow petal from the flower he picked up earlier with the stewed meat he carries along since sneaking into the kitchen. That gives him a meat with condiment. As he throws it to the dogs, they appear to like it, and suddenly fall off. __________________________________________ | IMPORTANT NOTICE | | These dogs are not | | dead, they are only | | SLEEPING . | | No animals were harmed | | during the production | | of this game. | |__________________________________________| After getting into the now-unguarded mansion, Guybrush takes a priceless Ming. After that, he enters the door next to it. Suddenly, Sheriff Shinetop appears. Sheriff : This looks like a job for Fester Shinetop. Then, he also enters the door. After that: ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Author's note: ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// the following scene is not directly shown on-screen, as it happens behind the walls of the present room scenery players are given. However, the scene is told clearly (and funnily) via the appearing sound effects (such as 'SMAK'), Guybrush's status screen (the same you see when you do things, I'll include them like this --> :: pick up/use/walk to something ::), and the scrolling background to show that Guybrush is walking. I'd say you should see the scene yourself to get a better glimpse of it, because even I myself can't really understand what I'm saying right now ^^; ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// THOK THOK SMAK Guybrush comes out and places back the priceless Ming to its place. Guybrush : Better leave this here. (proceeds back to the room) THOK ooh! :: Hypnotize quarrelsome rhinoceros :: ow! KRASH! :: Push :: Sheriff : No! :: Push red button :: Sheriff : Not the red button! KABOOM WUMP WUMP WUMP WUMP :: Look at tremendous yak :: Guybrush : It's a big, ugly, hairy yak wearing some wax lips. :: Push tremendous dangerous-looking yak :: Guybrush : I can't move it. :: Pull tremendous dangerous-looking yak :: Guybrush : I can't move it. :: Pick up staple remover :: :: Use staple remover on tremendous dangerous-looking yak :: THOK Suddenly, the painting is shocked and Guybrush is thrown through it, making a hole in the wall. :: Walk to books :: :: Pick up Manual of Style :: Guybrush : I'll need this. I must be nuts! (jumps back into the hole he made earlier) :: Pick up wax lips :: THOK KRASH Guybrush : (loud voice) Acck! ...gophers! :: Pick up gopher repellent :: :: Use gopher repellent with gopher :: :: Use gopher repellent with another gopher :: :: Use gopher repellent with gopher horde :: :: Use gopher repellent with funny little man :: SMAK! KRASH :: Look at fabulous idol :: Guybrush : It's beautiful! :: Open lock :: Guybrush : I can't open it. Uh, oh! :: Pick up heavy chair :: :: Use heavy chair with sheriff :: THOK Guybrush appears from the door on the second floor. Guybrush : That should hold him for a while! If only I had a file I could get the idol! ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// This ends the scene. ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Guybrush goes to the jail and gives the gopher repellent to Otis, who previously asked for something to help get rid the rats in his cell. Otis : Hey, this might work on the rats! Thanks! Here's the cake. Guybrush uses the carrot cake and... Guybrush : There's a file in it! So, with the file in hand, he returns into the mansion. Guybrush : I've got the file. (jumps into the gaping hole on the wall) ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// This starts the same, unshown scene again. ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// SMAK! KABOOM :: Use Manual of Style with shredder :: :: Give stylish confetti to heavily-armed clown :: Someone : Wheeeeee!! ooh! KRASH! :: Throw wax lips in fire :: KABOOM WUMP WUMP WUMP :: Use file on rhinoceros toenails :: ooh! :: Use file on lock :: :: Pick up fabulous idol :: THOK KABOOM ooh! ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// This ends the scene. ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Guybrush is again thrown, now through the glass window on the door on the 2nd floor. Guybrush : Phew! That was a close one. At least I got the idol.

Sheriff : (appears from behind the door) But I'm not done with you yet! Guybrush : Uh-oh. Sheriff : Thought you could get out of here with the Idol of Many Hands, did you? Guybrush : Look, I can explain... Sheriff : So can I-- You poisoned the Governor's pet poodles... Guybrush : They're just sleeping! Sheriff : ...broke into her house... Guybrush : The door was unlocked! Sheriff : ...and stole one of her most valuable pieces of art! Guybrush : No, you've got it all wrong! Sheriff : Oh really? Well, let's hear your explanation. Guybrush : The pirate leaders told me to do it! Sheriff : Ha! Suddenly, the Governor appears. Governor : What's going on here? Sheriff : I caught this hoodlum making off with your idol, Governor. He says the pirate leaders told him to do it! Governor : Then he's not the first decent person they've led astray! Sheriff : What? Governor : You heard me, Fester. The real question is, how did he get in here while you were on guard? Sheriff : I... Uh... Governor : Just go away, Fester. I can handle this. Sheriff : Hmpf! (leaves, then talks to Guybrush) I'll deal with you later. Governor : Sorry about him. He's new. I'm Governor Marley... Governor Elaine Marley. So, the pirate leaders made you do it, eh? Guybrush : Gee... Governor : Relax, Mr. Threepwood. I know why you're here. Believe me, you're not the first who's tried. Although, I have to admit, not as many get as far as you have. Guybrush : Jeepers... Governor : My lookout told me of your arrival. I've wanted to meet you ever since I heard your fascinating name. Tell me, Guybrush, why do you want to be a pirate? You don't look like one. Your face is too... ...sweet. Guybrush : Grlpyt... Governor : I see... Well, you're obviously not in the mood for idle chitchat, are you? I suppose you've got many more exciting things to do. I won't take up any more of your time, Mr. Threepwood. (leaves) Guybrush : Bgglw! Mfrnkf? Dmnkly... --sigh-- I really wish I knew how to talk to women. Now as Guybrush tries to get out of the mansion... Sheriff : Where do you think you're going, Threeword? Guybrush : I'm going to go put this idol in my safe-deposit box. Sheriff : Oh really? I know a really safe locker you could put it in... Davey Jones' Locker!!! Hand over your sword. Guybrush : Uh-oh. The scene shifts with both of them on the walkway in the middle of the village. The idol is tied down with a rope to Guybrush's feet, as it appears that the sheriff wants to drown him down the sea. Sheriff : This is the end of the road, my little pantalooned pal. Your troublemaking days on Mêlée Island™ are over. My plans for the Governor are far too important... ...and much too near completion... ...to rish letting a would-be pirate like you get in the way. So long, Mr. Spicecake, or Droopface, or whatever your name is. The Sheriff kicks the idol down, and Guybrush is pulled down into the sea. Sheriff : Hmmm... This might actually turn out to be a pretty good day. (leaves) Down the sea, Guybrush survives thanks to his ability to hold his breath for 10 minutes. However, he is tied with short rope as not to be able to pick up any dangerous looking weapons nearby him that may be of use to cut off the tie and save himself up. Guybrush : I can't reach that from here. After a while, two guys come and talk to each other on the walkway above Guybrush. Guy 1 : Hey, Nick, I just committed a felony! Nick : Did it involve that big knife you've got there? Guy 1 : Yeah! What should I do with it? Nick : Get rid of it! Guy 1 : I'll throw it in the water! Nick : No, don't do that! Guy 1 : Why not? I need to ditch it! Nick : It might wash up somewhere! Guy 1 : What do I care? MY prints won't be on it! I'm throwing it in! (a brief pause) ...naaaah. I might need it. See you. Nick : See you. The two guys leave. After some quite long while... Guybrush : Gee, I don't know how much longer I can hold my breath... Realizing the time is running out, Guybrush suddenly gets a glimpse of idea. He picks up the Idol, somehow keeps in behind his clothes, and voila, he's free. Guybrush : I guess I'll be needing a sword. This one will do. (picks a sword and climbs up the ladder) Well, that wasn't so hard. Now all I have to do is show this stupid idol to the pirate leaders and-- Suddenly, Governor Marley arrives. Governor : You're alive! Guybrush : Governor! Governor : Hey, you can talk! Who'd have known? Guybrush : What are YOU doing here? Come to finish the job? Governor : No, I came down here to save your life. Fester wasn't acting on MY orders when he threw you in there. Guybrush : You came down here to rescue me? I didn't even think you liked me. Governor : Well, our first meeting was a little awkward... You seemed to have trouble forming complete sentences. But, then again, so do most of my citizens. Guybrush : But I'm not one of your citizens... ...I'm just a drifter, a nobody, a would-be pirate. Governor : (comes closer) Guybrush : Who would have known, or even cared, if you'd let me drown? Governor : I would have, Guybrush. Guybrush : (walks away) Oh, Governor... Governor : (comes closer) Oh, Threepwood... Guybrush : (comes closer) Oh, Elaine! Governor : (comes closer) Oh, Guybrush! Guybrush : (comes closer) Love muffin! Governor : (comes closer) Sugar boots! Guybrush : (comes closer) Honey pumpkin! Governor : (comes closer) Plunder bunny! Guybrush : Kiss me! Governor : (turns away) No! We mustn't! Guybrush : What? Governor : Not here, where everyone can see us. Guybrush : Why, are you ashamed of me? Governor : No, no, it's not that at all... It's just that many of these pirates have made advances toward me. And to avoid hurting their feelings, I've always told them that my father made me promise never to fall in love with a pirate. If they see us together, they'll know I was lying. Guybrush : Okay then, let's go to your place. Governor : Okay. (take some steps) But finish your trials first. I don't want you to be... ...preoccupied. Guybrush : But... Governor : (walks away) Guybrush : I feel this sudden urge to complete the trials... ...quickly. Guybrush returns to SCUMM bar and reports about the idol. Green P. : How do you fare, swordsman? Guybrush : I'm the sneakiest footpad in these isles! Blue P. : Ah, the Idol of Many Hands! Ye're a brave lad! And thank ye for stealing it for us. Guybrush : I'll just be running along now. Blue P. : Leave us to our grog. Green P. : Come back later and tell us how ye're doing. The last trial for Guybrush is the Lost Treasure. Having bought a shovel already, now what he needs is a map. He goes to the Mêlée Island™ citizen who sells one. Citizen : Excuse me, but do-- Oh, it's only you again. Come back for the map to the Legendary Lost Treasure of Mêlée Island, eh? I hope you brought enough money this time. Guybrush : I'll take it. It'll make a swell gift. Citizen : (gives the map) There ya go. You've made a wise decision. Now get lost. But as Guybrush checks the map... Guybrush : I think I've been had! This is no map! It looks like... ...dancing lessons! __________________________________________ | DO THE MONKEY!!! | | | | Back! Two-three-four! | | Left! Two-three-four! | | Right! Two-three-four! | | | | Left! Two-three-four! | | Right! Two-three-four! | | Back! Two-three-four! | | | | Right! Two-three-four! | | Left! Two-three-four! | | Back! Cha-cha-cha! | |__________________________________________| Naturally, he complains... Citizen : Excuse me, but do-- Oh, it's only you again. I told you there was only ONE in existence. Now get lost. However, looking at the direction clue from the map, Guybrush goes to the fork and into the forest anyway, and indeed, he finds the strange place... With a plaque that says: Guybrush : 'The Legendary Lost Treasure of Mêlée Island™' This carefuly reproduced piece of Mêlée Island™ history has delighted thousands of would-be pirates and their families for generations. Remember, there are other pirates on this island, SO GO EASY ON THE TREASURE. Leave some for the next person. He also checks a marker... Guybrush : Here lies treasure of such unimaginable wealth... ...well, you'll just have to dig it up to believe it. (Paid for by the Mêlée Island™ Chamber of Commerce.) Finally, he draws out the shovel and works with the X mark right below his feet... Guybrush : This shouldn't take too long. Hours pass... Guybrush : Hey, I think I hit something! (ducks) Oh boy! It's a T-shirt! Not my size, but a nice one nonetheless. Well, I guess I should put all this dirt back now. (returns to work) More hours pass... ...and the hole is gone. Now with the treasure in hand, Guybrush returns to the village, just to see the creepy scenery of a ghost ship leaving the island towards who knows where. Guybrush : What was that? I'm so confused. Old man : (suddenly comes) Hey, what are you doing just standing around? The Governor's been kidnapped! Guybrush : What? By whom? Old man : LeChuck's got her on that ship that just sailed off. I'm afraid we've seen the last of her. Guybrush : So where were you this whole time? Sleeping? Old man : Hey, I'm a lookout, not a bodyguard. Guybrush : I'll go get a crew and a ship and go rescue her! Old man : That's not going to be easy, you know. LeChuck's taken the Governor back to his hideout on Monkey Island™. I'm afraid that no pirate on this island is brave enough to follow him there. But, hey, good luck. (walks away) Oh yeah, I almost forgot... They left this note. Guybrush : (takes the note) Old man : You can have it, but I don't think you'll like what it says. (goes away) When Guybrush checks the note... Guybrush : Attention, pirates of Mêlée: Your governor is alive and well and by my side as she was always meant to be. If you try to find us you will only meet with horrifying disaster. Yours truly, Captain LeChuck. Not knowing much more about which direction to go, Guybrush decides to go to the voodoo lady again. Guybrush : Hey! I'm back and I'm ready to know more about the future. Lady : (magically appears) Guybrush : Yikes! Lady : So, you have returned to learn future. You must first find others to help in your cause. (magically draws up the skeleton pot) Guybrush : I really hate that flashing, it makes me see spots. Lady : Quiet! I am getting another vision. You must... Guybrush : Must what? Lady : You must go to Monkey Island™. Once there, you will search for the Ghost Pirate LeChuck. He hides deep... ...deep beneath Monkey Island™. There is only one thing powerful enough to destroy LeChuck. Guybrush : What? Lady : It's an ancient root. Once prepared, the root can destroy a ghost with one touch. Guybrush : Yeah! Lady : I'm getting more... ...more vision. Guybrush : Spill it! Lady : I see the Cannibals that live on the Island™. They... ...are helping you... ...or eating you... ...I can't tell, the vision isn't coming in clear anymore. Guybrush : Great. Lady : Now go and find the one that loves you. But be warned... Guybrush : Don't worry, I'll watch out for LeChuck. Lady : Not of LeChuck... of yourself and what you will find. What you will find out about yourself and your world. It will terrify you. Then, the lady suddenly disappears again. Now, in an attempt to get some crew, Guybrush talks to the Men of Low Moral Fiber (pirates). Guybrush : Did you know the Governor's been kidnapped? Barrel P.: Er... Tall P. : Well yes, we knew about that. Guybrush : Can I interest you in a dream vacation to Monkey Island™? Because of this sudden change in local government, I'm prepared to offer you a once-in-a-lifetime price on a cruise to that scenic wonderland... ...Monkey Island™! And the amazing thing about this offer IS the price: Absolutely free! All you have to do is help me crew the ship, and island paradise can be yours... FREE!! (...and we might just rescue the Governor while we're at it.) Barrel P.: Uh... Tall P. : Well... Barrel P.: The Governor can probably take care of herself... Tall P. : And we are sort of busy here... Barrel P.: - yeah - Tall P. : ...and we've got the circus to think of... Barrel P.: ...we've got to find the elephant... Tall P. : ...and get rid of these minutes... All P. : (look at each other) Tall P. : I'm sorry, we simply CAN'T go at this time. Guybrush seeks another help from the pirates in the SCUMM bar, only to find that the place is empty; only empty mugs (which he collects) are seen, until he find the cook crying down the next room... Guybrush : Where are all the pirates? Cook : The Governor is gone! LeChuck and his spectral crew came and got her! They put her on the ghost ship and spirited her away! She was so good to me... ...always conveniently losing those Health Board reports... ...for a small consideration, of course. (cries again) What will become of my business? Oh, woe is me. Guybrush : What can I do to save her? Cook : You must get a ship and go after her! The ghost pirate's lair is on Monkey Island™, everybody knows that. (Don't ask me how...) All you need to do is find a way there. Guybrush : Why should I do that? Cook : Why, for love, my boy! Don't deny it, it's written all over your face. A dark red 'LOVE' letter is written on Guybrush's face. Guybrush : Where can I get a ship? Cook : Why, at Smilin' Stan's Used Shipyard, same as everybody else. Tell him I sent you, we're old friends. Guybrush : Will you join me? Cook : Er. . .alas, I cannot go to sea. And old war injury. I'm sure you understand. Guybrush : Get me a drink! Cook : Get your own drink. Guybrush : Right! I'm off! Cook : Good luck! Be sure and wear your mittens. And your galoshes. (cries) And don't forget to write. Bye now. Guybrush decides that Otis might want to join as his crew; then again, Otis is locked in his cell, so he should get around this problem first. Knowing that he has given the permission to get himself the grog, that ever-dangerous drink, Guybrush thinks that it may just be the key to free Otis. So, he goes to the kitchen and uses one of the mug to get the grog from the barrel. Guybrush : This stuff is eating right through the mug! Yes, and the grog might just eats right through the jail's bar as well. The mug can't survive the grog for long enough time, though, so Guybrush has to alternate the liquid from one mug to another until he can reach the jail. There, he pours the grog to the cell's lock. Otis : Hey, great, a drink! I'm real thirsty. Guybrush : (pours the grog) Otis : Yiiikes! The lock melts. Otis : Wow. And to think I used to drink that stuff... (walks out of the cell) I'm free! Oh yeah, thanks. If there's anything I can ever do for you-- Guybrush : Well, actually, there is something... I'm looking for brave people to join my crew and sail off to Monkey Island™ with me to rescue the Governor. She's been abducted by the fearsome pirate LeChuck, and is being held against her will somewhere in his secret hideout. Otis : I see... Well, yes, hmmm... LeChuck, you say? Well, yes. Yes, of course. We must sail to Monkey Island™ and--HEY! LOOK BEHIND YOU! A THREE-HEADED MONKEY! Guybrush : (turns around) Otis : (walks away off of the screen) Guybrush : (turns around again) I can't believe I fell for that. Pretty good trick, though. Meanwhile, (the scene shifts to LeChuck's ship) Having just returned from Mêlée, LeChuck and his crew find their old hiding place in the underground rivers of Monkey Island and drop anchor. Sheriff Fester stands in the room that used to be LeChuck's, and the bone pirate approaches. Bone : Captain, sir... I just stopped by to congratulate you on your kidnapping mission. Sheriff : (walks around) Bone : Captain? Sheriff's body is bloating weirdly. Bone : Captain? Are you all right? The sheriff magically turns his body into that of LeChuck's. LeChuck : NEVER FELT BETTER! And how fares our prisoner? Bone : Ah yes, the prisoner. We had a little trouble... LeChuck : TROUBLE! Bone : (walks away) Nothing to worry about, sir... ...everything's under control. She escaped a few times... ...but we've got her locked up in the brig. No one's getting in or out of there. LeChuck : For your sake I hope not. (walks to the window) With years of planning almost destroyed by my death, I'm not taking any chances now. Bone : You took care of Mr. Threepwood, then? LeChuck : Guybrush Threepwood will not be a problem. At this very moment, he's twenty feet under water... ...probably bloated up like a fattened pig. 'Is eyes being eaten out by crabs. Fish peckin' at his fingers. Kinda makes you wish you were there to watch. Bone : Ah...yessir... --yech-- ...sure does at that. LeChuck : Now go check on the root. Make sure it's locked up tight. Bone : Aye aye, captain. The scene returns back to Guybrush. Going out of the jail, he sees that someone is guarding the pathway to the Governor's Mansion. Man : May I help you? Guybrush : I'm here to loot the Governor's mansion. Man : And do you have reservations, sir? Guybrush : Reservations?!? For looting? Man : Oh yes, very popular when the Governor's away. Chaos would ensue if we didn't have a system. Now... ...unless you have reservations, you'll have to leave. Guybrush : Why, yes I do have reservations. Man : And what name would they be under? Guybrush : Threepwood, Guybrush Threepwood. Man : I'm sorry... ...I don't see your name here. ...we're booked solid for the next five hours. But I might be able to squeeze you in... ...around the two o'clock hour. Would that be OK? Guybrush : No thanks, I've got a ship to catch. Man : Next time, call ahead. Short for crew, Guybrush remembers the Sword Master and decides to give her a visit. Carla : You've already got the T-shirt... What do you want now? Guybrush : I want to embarass you at swordfighting again. Carla : Ha! I only let you win because I was sick of you coming around. I thought you'd stay away, but I guess I was wrong. Guybrush : I want us to make up and be friends. Carla : I want you to go away and leave me alone. Guybrush : The Governor's been KIDNAPPED! Carla : What? That's ridiculous. Guybrush : (shows the note from LeChuck) Carla : Oh, no. This looks bad. Very bad. Guybrush : I'm getting a ship and a crew together to rescue her. Carla : Hmmm... I have a feeling I'm going to regret this, but count me in. I'll meet you at the dock. Finally gets a crew, Guybrush finds a house by the northeast corner of the island. He goes there as well. The house is located at the so-called Hook Isle, the small island apart from the main Mêlée Island. There's no bridge connecting the two, but there is a long, stretched cable that connects two poles on both side, and Guybrush finally finds the real use of the chicken with pulley in the middle: to use it to hang over the cable and slide all the way to the Hook Isle. Entering the door, he is greeted by a tough-looking bald pirate with a skull tattoo on his chest and two meathooks replacing both his hands. Pirate : Hey! I don't like visitors! Who are you? Guybrush : I'm a pirate, cannonball-head. Who are you? Pirate : My name's Meathook... ...and I think you've got a little attitude problem. Guybrush : I'm sorry. I didn't mean to call you cannonball-head. Meathook : That's okay. I'd rather have a cannonball-head than a pony tail. Ha ha ha! Guybrush : I meant to call you chrome dome. Meathook : Why you... Guybrush is chased out of the house. Nevertheless, he comes in again. Meathook : I suppose you've come to invade my peaceful home and insult me again, eh? Guybrush : Excuse me, but the sign said there were restrooms in here? Meathook : Sorry, but that sign's a little out of date. I used to have a thriving tourist business here. I had animal acts, tattoo demonstrations, souvenirs... But there was a little accident with one of the trained animals... ...one of our guests was hurt very badly. So I was shut down, put out of business. And since then I've lived here all alone... ...and the only company I have is the same beast that mauled that unlucky tourist. The same beast that made me a hermit. A monster that, just by coincidence, is identical to one that attacked ME when I was just a child... ...and left me with these hooks instead of hands... ...a deformed man. Geeze, now I'm all depressed. Thanks a lot. Can't you just leave me alone now? Guybrush : What was your name again, cannonball-head? Meathook : Look, I told you not to call me that. My name's Meathook... and you still have a little attitude problem. Guybrush : I'm sorry, I didn't mean to call you cannonball-head. Meathook : That's okay. I'd rather have a cannonball-head than a pony tail. Ha ha ha! Guybrush : Ha ha ha. Meathook : Hey, you've got a pretty good sense of humor. Want to see something really funny? Guybrush : Yes, please show me, Mr. Meat. Meathook : Watch this! Say hello, Roger! Tattoo : Hello, Roger. Meathook : Pretty good eh? I got a whole routine, but I don't have the time to do it all right now... Maybe if we're ever on a long ocean voyage together... ...but until then, I'm a very busy man, so... Guybrush : The Governor's been KIDNAPPED! Meathook : What? That's preposterous! Guybrush : Oh really? (shows LeChuck's note) Take a look at this note they left. Meathook : Oh no. This is horrible! What are we going to do? Guybrush : We could get a crew together and sail off after them. Meathook : What an idea! Now, if only we had a captain... Guybrush : What about me? Meathook : YOU? HA HA HA HA! That's a good one. Guybrush : Hey, I'm serious. Meathook : Really? Guybrush : Really. Meathook : Okay, let's see you prove it. Walk this way. The both of them walk to a gigantic door. Meathook : There's something in here that I want to show you. ...something horrible. Something so horrible that I stay awake at night just thinking about it... But I don't mean to scare you. I'm sure a big, brave guy like yourself will have no problem facing this monster. After all, it's much smaller than the beast that bit off my hands so many years ago. (opens the door, only to reveal another steel door behind it) Let's just hope you're quicker than I was. (unlocks the steel door) Oh, I just remembered something... I never did get around to feeding him this week. Silly me. (opens the next door) I'll let you open this last door yourself. Just let me get out of your way. Guybrush : Wait! Meathook : Getting cold feet? Guybrush : No, I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. Meathook : You're supposed to open that little door... ...and, if you're brave enough... ...touch the beast inside. Guybrush : Oh, is that all? Meathook : (leaves) Okay. Go ahead... ...if you've got the guts. Guybrush opens the door. Meathook : AAAAAAIIIIIEEEEE!!! The beast behind the door, the one Meathook's been blabbering about, appears to be a... green parrot. Gubrush tickles the 'murderous winged devil'. Parrot : Braaaak! Meathook : (comes) I don't believe it. (closes the door) You are a brave man after all. You faced the beast I've feared all these years. You had the guts to do what I never could. I feel like such a coward. I'm not good enough to be on your crew. I'm not even good enough to swab your decks. Guybrush : Oh, come on, Meathook. You're a big, strong, good-looking guy with a talking tattoo. You can swab my decks any time! Meathook : Really? Guybrush : Sure. Meathook : I can still be on your crew? Guybrush : Just pack your stuff and meet me at the dock. Meathook : Oh, thank you, thank you! I won't let you down. Guybrush : (walks out of the house) Meathook : Hey, maybe I'll get the chance to show you my whole tattoo routine when we're at sea! Guybrush : Wow, this is sounding better and better all the time. Now that he's got another crew, next is to get a ship. Guybrush goes to the ever-glowing area in the island that appears to be a ship dealer place. Man : Howdy! I'm Stan of Stan's Previously Owned Vessels. ...and I'd stand on my head to make you a deal. What sort of craft are you looking for? Big? Little? Fast? Slow? You want it, I got it. And if I don't got it, I'll get it. I want to make you a deal that YOU'RE happy with. Because if YOU'RE not happy, I'M not happy. But I KNOW you're going to leave here happy today. How do I know? Just look at all these ships! I've got something for everyone! Come take a look around! They walk to the dock area. Stan : So tell me-- What are you interested in looking at today? Guybrush : Let me see the best ship you've got. Stan : Hey, it's nice to meet a man who appreciates quality. I've got JUST the boat for you! Walk this way. Now before them is a big, red ship. Stan : Now this... This is a ship fit for a king! I mean, we're talking fifteen staterooms--a fireplace in every one. We're talking two pools--one indoor, one outdoor. We're talking rotating ballroom. We're talking heated crow's nest. We're talking two hundred feet of ocean-going decadence. And all for one low price. Speaking of price... Let's talk about money--YOUR money. Guybrush : Money is no object! Stan : Well, it is with me. How much you got? Guybrush : All I have is this rubber chicken. Stan : Is it one of those rubber chickens with a pulley in the middle? I already got one of those. You wouldn't happen to have any OTHER means of finance, would you? Guybrush : Actually, I was hoping to get one on credit. Stan : Sorry, kid. Neither a borrower nor a lender be. That's just old Stan's philosophy. If you've got a job, the storekeeper in town might extend you some credit. Then we'd have something to talk about. Unless, of course, you've already got some other means of financing...? Guybrush : Oh... no more than 174 pieces of eight. Stan : I think we must be talking about completely different ships here. You've obviously been out of the ship market for quite some time. I doubt you're carrying enough cash on you for this transaction. You wouldn't happen to have any OTHER means of finance, would you? Guybrush : On second thought, this may not be the ship for me. Stan : Of course it isn't! You're looking for a much bigger boat, I can tell. So what else can I show you? Guybrush : Something not too expensive, but built to last. Stan : Affordable quality? Hey, that's my motto! I've got JUST the boat for you! Walk this way. Stan walks Guybrush to a viking sort of boat. Stan : Now I can see you're a no-frills kind of guy. But I can also tell that quality means a lot to you. I mean, just look at the way you dress. Rugged. Like this baby. She comes from a land far to the North... ...where the sea is as unforgiving as the men are tough and-- --hey, you wouldn't happen to be from there would you? You just seem to have a sort of Nordic quality about you... Anyway, we're talking about a real value here... Let's talk about money -- YOUR money. Guybrush : Oh... no more than 174 pieces of eight. Stan : I'm glad this ship doesn't have ears, my friend. Because if she did, she'd slap your face. I don't think you've got the cash for this transaction either. Yo do have SOME other means of payment... Don't you? Guybrush : On second thought, this may not be the ship for me. Stan : Okay, but I got five other guys coming to look at this baby today. Don't count on it being here if you change your mind. So what else can I show you? Guybrush : That spiffy blue one by your office looks nice. Stan : Of course it does. It's mine. And it's not for sale. What ELSE can I show you? Guybrush : I really don't have that much to spend. Stan : Have no fear! Every ship I sell is a bargain! But if you're looking for a real steal... I've got JUST the boat for you! Walk this way. They go to the furthest ship. Stan : This here is the famous "Sea Monkey." --The only ship ever to make it to Monkey Island™... ...and come back with anyone aboard left alive. Or, should I say, anyTHING. You see, two previous owners of this ship were two adventurous pirates. They set off, like many before, to find the legendary Secret of Monkey Island™. And, like many before, they disappeared forever. Their fate--a mystery. Almost as mysterious as how this ship returned to Mêlée Island™ without a single human aboard. Some claim it was sailed back by a crew of chimps. Guybrush : Chimps? There aren't any chimps in the Caribbean! Stan : Oh, shut up. It makes a good story. Anyway, this baby's mine now... That is, until someone makes me an offer. How much would you like to spend? Guybrush : Oh... no more than 174 pieces of eight. Stan : Look... This is a very reasonably priced ship... but not that reasonable. I don't think you've got the cash for this transaction either. You do have SOME other means of payment... Don't you? Guybrush : On second thought, this may not be the ship for me. Stan : Well heck, I can understand that. Nothing wrong with being indecisive. Even if it is a waste of my time. So what else can I show you? Guybrush : Actually, I'd like to go think about it some more. Stan : Sure, sure. Think it over. I don't want you to feel pressured or anything. Bye now. Guybrush walks to leave the place, but suddenly... Stan : I forgot to give you my card. Guybrush : (receives the card) Stan : And here's something else to remember me by. Guybrush : A compass? Stan : An extra strong magnetic compass-- Guybrush : With your picture on it... Stan : That's right! It always points directly back here, so if you're looking for a good deal, you know where to go! I'll be right here when you come back, But I can't guarantee that any of these ships will! Guybrush : Right. (leaving) Stan : They're moving fast today! Yessiree... Can't hardly keep anything in stock. (a brief pause) He'll be back. Knowing that he has nearly any money to afford one of those ships, Guybrush decides to get the credit from the storekeeper. So he goes there. Strkeeper: Hey, where'd you go? I hike halfway across the island to try and get you a reservation with the Sword Master-- --who, by the way, says you can go jump in the lake-- --and when I come back, you're gone! See if I ever do you a favor again! Waddya want? Guybrush : I'm interested in procuring a note of credit. Strkeeper: You are, are you? Got a job? Guybrush : Yes, of course I do. Strkeeper: All right. I'll get one of my notes and we'll fill it out. The storekeeper walks to the upper floor and opens the locked safe. Meanwhile, Guybrush silently notifies the combinations needed to unlock it. The storekeeper grabs the note and walks back down. Strkeeper: Let's see here... What did you say your occupation was? Guybrush : I'm a grog-swilling, foul-smelling pirate. Strkeeper: Foul-smelling, yes... Grog-swilling, maybe... But a pirate? Don't make me laugh. Come back when you've got some tattoos or a pegleg or at least an eyepatch, for crying out loud. The storekeeper returns back the note. Strkeeper: What else do you want? Guybrush : I'm looking for the Sword Master of Mêlée Island™. Strkeeper: Look, I told you, she doesn't want to see you. Guybrush : Maybe if you asked her again? Hmmm... I guess I could hike all the way over there... ...AGAIN. Be right back. (leaves) AND DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING! Now that the storekeeper is gone, Guybrush is free to unlock the safe with the combinations he secretly took note earlier. Guybrush : Hmmm... There's nothing in here but this note. (grabs the storekeeper's note) With the note in hand, Guybrush returns to the Used Ship Emporium. Stan : Howdy! Great to see you again! I knew you'd come back! Everybody does! You know WHY they come back? Just look at all these ships! I've got something for everyone! Come take a look around! So what else can I show you? Guybrush : Uh... could I see that red one again? Stan : I knew it! I knew it! Just can't get her out of your mind, can you? Walk this way. Now here's a ship... ...that's definitely worth a second look. Let's talk about money--YOUR money. Guybrush : I got credit from the storekeeper. Will you take it? Stan : I'd love to. I really would. I USUALLY do. But not for the amount this baby's going to run you. Maybe one of the other ships would be more in your price range. So what else can I show you? Guybrush : Uh... could I see that Viking one again? Stan : Sure! No problemo! After all, I've got nothing better to do than haul my butt up and down this dock showing some guys like you the same ships over and over again all day long! Walk this way. Can't keep your eyes off her, can you? What kind of price range were you thinking of? Guybrush : I got credit from the storekeeper. Will you take it? Stan : I'd love to. I really would. I USUALLY do. But not for the amount this baby's going to run you. Maybe one of the other ships would be more in your price range. So what else can I show you? Guybrush : Uh... how much do you want for yours? Stan : I told you, it's not for sale! Geeze, you're annoying... But, hey! So am I, right? What ELSE can I show you? Guybrush : Uh, could I see that cheap one again? Stan : Why not? I got all day! Walk this way. Hard to stay away from a good mystery, isn't it? Just how much were you looking to spend today? Guybrush : I got credit from the storekeeper. Will you take it? Stan : Hey, of course! Your credit's always good at Stan's... It doesn't matter if you've had credit problems in the past... Divorce... Bankruptcy... Chronic gambling mishaps... I mean, who am I to judge, right? If the storekeeper trusts you enough to give you a letter of credit... ...then you must be a honest man with a steady income, right? Guybrush : Uh... right. Stan : Let's get down to brass tacks, shall we? I know you want it... ...you know you want it... ...and I know that you know that I want to sell it, so... Guybrush : Well, what do you think it's worth? Stan : You could sail this puppy away TODAY, for just 10000 pieces of eight. How does that sound to you? Guybrush : Let's talk extras. Stan : Extras? You want to talk extras? Great! This baby's LOADED with extras! For instance... Did I tell you about the porthole defoggers? Guybrush : I think I can live without that particular piece of junk. Stan : Okay, but don't blame me if you run into an iceberg or something. But wait, there's more! Did I tell you about the anti-lock anchor? Guybrush : I think I can live without that particular piece of junk. Stan : Sure, throw safety to the wind. But wait, there's more! Did I tell you about the rack-and-pinion rudder? Guybrush : I think I can live without that particular piece of junk. Stan : Well, I guess it'll float without it... ...barely. But wait, there's more! Did I tell you about the velour sail covers? Guybrush : I think I can live without that particular piece of junk. Stan : Hey, travel light, I can understand that, sure. Of course, mutiny is an ugly word... But wait, there's more! Did I tell you about the tack-o-meter? Guybrush : I think I can live without that particular piece of junk. Stan : Wow, does your wife know you're such a cheapskate? But wait, there's more! Did I tell you about the elevator made with wood from burgundy wine casks? Guybrush : I think I can live without that particular piece of junk. Stan : Yeah, I guess that IS kind of decadent, isn't it? But wait, there's more! Did I tell you about the simulated wood siding? Guybrush : I think I can live without that particular piece of junk. Stan : Okay, but I'm telling you: Barnacles HATE simulated wood. But wait, there's more! Did I tell you about the porthole defoggers? Guybrush : Enough about extras, already. Stan : Okay, where were we... Guybrush : Well, what do you think it's worth? Stan : You could sail this puppy away TODAY, for just 7300 pieces of eight. How does that sound to you? Guybrush : I'd like to make you an offer. Stan : Great! How much? Guybrush : I'd like to pay 2000 pieces of eight. Stan : Sure, I guess we can start out at the bottom. I got all day. I'm going to be getting a whole new shipment next week, so you got me over a barrel. I've GOT to sell this baby, even if it means losing my shirt. Guybrush : I'd like to make you an offer. Stan : Great! How much? Guybrush : How does 3000 pieces of eight sound? Stan : That's a little bit more like it... ...but not much. I know you can try harder than that. Just tell me, what would it take to get you to sail this ship away... TODAY? Guybrush : I'd like to make you an offer. Stan : Great! How much? Guybrush : Okay, okay. 4000 pieces of eight. Stan : That's a little bit more like it... ...but not much. I know you can try harder than that. You realize, don't you, that they just don't make them like this anymore. Guybrush : I'd like to make you an offer. Stan : Great! How much? Guybrush : All right! 5000! But that's my final offer! Stan : Five thousand pieces of eight?!? (brief pause) Okay! Okay! It's killing me, but okay! And I thought I was going to give my children Christmas presents this year... Just take it out of here. I'm GLAD to get rid of it. Oh yeah, do you have that note from the storekeeper with you? Guybrush : (gives the note) Stan : Thanks. ...I've got to run these numbers by my boss... ...he'll think I'm nuts, but I'll talk him into it. You meet me at the dock with your crew. I'll bring the ship and the papers. I just want to say that I really feel like we got to know each other today. I mean, I really felt some bonding here. And I don't just say that to everybody! It's been great doing business with you. Really. (walks away) (Sucker.) See you at the dock, and don't forget your crew. All three of them. Everything seems ready, so Guybrush heads to the dock area in the village, where Stan is already waiting with the Sea Monkey down the sea. Stan : Hey! It's a good thing you showed up. Ten people have offered to buy this baby off me while I've been standing here waiting for you. But I said, 'NO WAY.' 'I know a guy who's in love with this ship, and it would break his heart to lose it.' Am I right? Of course I am! I mean, just look at her! Sleek... ...aerodynamic... ...a buoyant, barnacle-covered beauty. A falling star shows behind the ship. Stan : I think we're having a real moment here. I've changed my mind. I can't give her up. You can have your money back. How could I sell something so dear? Suddenly, one of the Sea Monkey's pole is broken, drops off to the sea. Stan : Then again, a deal's a deal, right? Right. Catch you later. Good luck. Enjoy. I'm outta here. (leaves) Whoops! I almost forgot to give you this free seafaring literature. Guybrush : (accepts the brochures) Stan : My gift to you. Just remember where you got it. STAN'S!!! (leaves) Guybrush : Maybe I should have gotten that extended warranty after all. Otis comes. Otis : Hey, long time no see. Guybrush : Have you come to be on my crew? Otis : Hey, I could never pass up a chance to make some easy money. Carla appears. Guybrush : Money? Carla : Yeah, we are getting paid for this, right? Guybrush : How appropriate. You fight like a cow. Carla : You never did know when to use that one. (sees Sea Monkey) So what's that waterlogged wreck doing out there? How we are going to get our ship in here with that pile of scrap in the way? Meathook comes. Meathook : Where's the cabin boy? I need him to go back to my place and pick up my bags. Carla : What's going on here? Otis : Where's our ship? Meathook : Where's our crew? Guybrush : This isn't going to be as easy as I thought. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Part Two: The Journey ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Through the courageous leadership of Captain Freep -er- Threepwood, the Sea Monkey is finally underway. Undaunted by their lack of navigational equipment or expertise, the crew begins to plan their voyage. The scene shows everyone onboard. Guybrush : First of all... I'd like to say it's great to be working with such a fine crew. The voyage ahead is not going to be easy. It's going to take skill, endurance, and most of all... TEAMWORK. First I thought we'd assign some duties. Otis : What is it we were suckered into doing again? Guybrush : (shows a paper) I made a list. Carla : 'Suckered' is right. Otis : I don't see what the big deal is with rescuing the Governor. She can clearly take care of herself. The way I look at it... We've got this GREAT ship... ...well... ...we've got A ship. Why don't we kick back, tie a rope to the wheel and cruise for a while. I could use a little work on my tan. Meathook : Come to think of it, I've been a little stressed out lately. I could use a rest. Carla : Then it's decided... ...we cruise the Caribbean. Guybrush : --sigh-- Inside the captain's room. Guybrush : I'm doomed. Inside he picks up a feather pen and an ink bottle. He opens the drawer and finds a book there. Guybrush : It says: "Captain's log, March 10th." "First mate Toothrot and I have been searching for Monkey Island™ for over a month with no success." "The directions we purchased on Mêlée proved to be a recipe, not a map as we had believed." "Captain's log, March 12th." "I wish Toothrot would take a bath." "Captain's log, March 17th." "I wish Toothrot would stop snoring." "Captain's log, March 23rd." "Toothrot is really starting to get on my nerves. I figure it's only a matter of time before we come to blows." "Captain's log, April 2nd." "As a gesture to restore our frienship, Toothrot offered to fix dinner tonight." "Captain's log, April 3rd." "I don't know how we did it, but we've arrived at Monkey Island™." "Both Toothrot and I passed out from the soup he fixed last night. When we awoke, Monkey Island™ was sitting off the bow." "Captain's log, April 4th." "Toothrot and I filled the rowboat with supplies and are ready to set out to Monkey Island™." "We are both excited at the prospect of being the first civilized people to learn the Secret of Monkey Island™." "Captain' log, April 5th." "We had to turn around and return to the ship. Toothrot forgot to go to the bathroom before we left." "We'll set out again tomorrow." (turns around) That's the last entry. Guybrush walks out of the room, finds the rest of the crew having a little good time under the sun. Guybrush : Hey guys, what's happening? Otis : Beat it, Guybrush. Guybrush : Is there anything I can do to get you guys to help me? Meathook : Er, excuse me Guybrush... ...you're blocking the sun. Guybrush : I'm going to give you mutineers five seconds to come to your senses! Then I'm going to start kicking some butt! Meathook : Excuse me Guybrush... ...does the word 'keelhaul' mean anything to you? Guybrush : Keelhaul / Ke(e)l-hol 1: to haul under the keel of a ship as punishment or torture. I see your point, thanks. He still tries. Guybrush : I hear the weather's pretty nice over by Monkey Island™. Otis : Nice try, Guybrush, but no banana. Desperate with all his mutinous crew, Guybrush climbs the rope ladder to the crow's nest. There, he picks up the Jolly Roger, the official pirate's flag. He returns and then walks down the hatch, into another door to a kitchen of some sort. He opens the cupboard and see a whole set of cereal there. He picks one. Guybrush : Hmmmm.... I loved this stuff when I was a kid. I liked the way it chewed up the roof of your mouth. He opens the cereal. Guybrush : Crunch Crunch Crunch Crunch GREAT! A toy prize inside. He checks the prize. Guybrush : This is no prize! It's a small key with a finely engraved monkey on it. He picks a pot, then walks out of the kitchen and into another hatch. It seems to be a storeroom or something. He checks a chest and find a fine wine inside. He also picks a giant piece of rope. He opens a keg and finds gunpower inside, which he picks some. The rest of the things are locked, so he goes back to the captain's room. He uses the small key in the cabinet, and he picks the small chest inside. Guybrush : Man, that's heavy. Filled, no doubt, with gold and jewels. He opens it and picks the stuff inside. Guybrush : He look! A piece of paper. And some cinnamon sticks. The piece of paper reads: __________________________________________ | DIRECTION TO MONKEY ISLAND!!! | | | | Pre-heat pot to 450 degrees | | Add the following ingredients: | | | | 1 Cinnamon stick | | 4 Leaves of Mint | | 1 Human Skull (pressed) | | 1 squirt Squid Ink | | 2 pts Monkey Blood | | 1 Live Chicken | | 3 oz. Brimstone | | 1 or more of the following: | | pyridoxine hydrochloride, | | zinc oxide, yellow 8, |

| mine mononitrate and BHA. | | | |Let bubble over low flame until thickened.| | Serves crew of four. | |__________________________________________| Guybrush decides to give the recipe a try and so off he go to the kitchen. First, the Cinnamon Stick into the cooking pot ('I love cinnamon.') Then, in place of the 4 leaves of mint, he puts down the breath mints ('Good thing I've got a million of these.') He definitely has no pressed human skull, but the Jolly Roger looks somehow like one, so he adds it anyway. Next, the ink from the captain room should serve well in place of Squid inks ('Just a drop.') There's no monkey blood around, but the fine wine might just be as red ('That should be enough.') Next is the time for the loyal rubber chicken (with pulley in the middle) to replace the Live chicken ('About time I got rid of this worthless artifact.'), and he gets the brimstone from the gunpowder. He throws in the additional minutes, the cotton shirt, staple remover, T-shirt, LeChuck's note, feather pen, the bookmark, cereal... Guybrush : (walks away seeing the pot's making weird green smoke) Yikes! I think I'm getting dizzy! Overcome by the fumes and stench, Guybrush quickly loses consciousness. Moments later the voodoo spell kicks in, turning the ship to an unknown heading and off on its mysterious voyage. Days pass... Guybrush : Fsspt. I feel awful. He walks out and gets surprised by the sight of an island nearby. Guybrush : Holy Monkey Bladders! It's Monkey Island™. Enjoying the sight ('WOW!!! This was well worth $59.95 + Tax'), he talks to his crew. Guybrush : Hey look... ...we've made it to Monkey Island™. Meathook : Let us know when you've found the Governor... ...we've got an extra chair she can use. Guybrush goes down the hatch and gets another gunpowder. Then he returns to the cannon. He puts the giant piece of rope with cannon, then the piece of rope with fuse. He returns to the kitchen and uses Stan's business card with the fire, so he gets himself something to trigger the cannon. He places some of the gunpowder into the cannon nozzle and uses the burning business card on the fuse. While the fire's at it, he wears the pot and quickly moves into the cannon, which blows him straight to the Monkey Island. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Part Three: Under Monkey Island ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Guybrush lands, somehow, on the beach of the island and a grey monkey appears. Monkey : ook ook ook ook eep eep eep Then comes a man. Man : Hi! I'm Herman Toothrot! Don't bother to say hello. I've only been waiting twenty years to talk to somebody civilized, I don't mind. (brief pause) Fine. By the way, you might want to think about putting out that fire. Someone could be hurt. Toothrot leaves, and Guybrush can finally stands up. He reads a note stuck on a banana tree. Guybrush : "NOTICE OF PUBLIC MEETING" "There will be a meeting Wednesday evening to discuss the recent occupation of the Sacred Monkey Head by the ghost pirate LeChuck..." "...and the subsequent impact on the environment and the tourist trade." "All Monkey Island™ cannibals are encouraged to attend." Guybrush picks a banana and walks to the jungle. There, he walks west to the western part of the island where the path ends on a fort. He enters. Guybrush : The trail ends here. He picks a spyglass, and he pushes the cannon until the cannonball comes out. Suddenly, Herman Toothrot comes. Herman : Hey, nice spyglass. Looks just like -- Say, where IS my spyglass? Oh, perfect. I'm gone five minutes and somebody comes in here and dumps gunpowder all over the floor. Naturally I don't think YOU had anything to do with it. I'm sure it's just a coincidence that you cam in here to prowl around right after some MYSTERIOUS person dirtied up my nice clean floor. Guybrush : Er, sorry. Herman : Um... I'm afraid I must be going now. Pressing business, you know. (looks at player) -- hee hee -- Herman leaves. Guybrush picks both the gunpowder and the cannonball, then leaves the fort as well. He then visits a beach to the south of the fort. There's nothing but a note there, which he reads. Guybrush : It's printed on letterhead! "To the ghost pirate LeChuck:" "We must ask you once again to curtail your nightly activities in the Sacred Monkey Head area." "Decent people are trying to sleep." "Kindly keep the noise level down." "--The Monkey Island™ Cannibals" "P.S.--" "We saw you taking that woman with the scarf down there!" Suddenly Herman appears again. Herman : Look at that fabulous ship out there! Did you come in that? You're braver than you look. Actually, it looks a lot like a ship I used to own... Guybrush : I got taken by a guy named Stan... Herman : Stan of Stan's Used Ships? On Mêlée Island™? (looks at player) Heh heh heh heh Guybrush : Are you some kind of a castaway? Herman : What do I look like, the caretaker? (looks at player) Listen to this guy: Am I some kind of a castaway? Heh. Guybrush : Who are you talking to? Herman : Why, the people watching, of course. Guybrush : (looks at player) Um... sure. Herman : My name's Toothrot. Herman Toothrot. I live here. Well, not RIGHT here. In the fort on the volcano. Guybrush : Were you stranded? Herman : You think I stay here for my health? (looks at player) Hoo, boy. (leaves) Guybrush gets out of the beach and moves east to the previous area. Then, he goes north and to the river fork. Guybrush : Boy, it sure is HOT here. (checking at rock on top of note) I'm no geologist, but judging by these conchoidal fractures... ...I'd say this is a piece of flint! He picks both the flint and the note. Guybrush : "To the Monkey Island™ Cannibals:" "I don't mind you worshipping in front of the Sacred Monkey Idol which doubles as my home and secret base of operations..." "...but could you please refrain from leaving messy sacrifices on my porch." "Also, please DO NOT ENTER the Monkey Head." "--G.P. LeChuck" Guybrush leaves the river fork and goes to a pond where there lies another note, and a corpse of man hanging on the tree. He looks at the note. Guybrush : "Herman--" "Please return our key to the Monkey Head." "--the Cannibals" Herman comes. Herman : This is an old friend of mine, the one I sailed here with. He's lost weight. Never looked better. Guybrush : He looks pretty bad... Herman : You never saw him when he was still alive! Guybrush : I'm Guybrush. I'm here to rescue someone. Herman : Well, here I am. Glad you came to rescue me-- --though you might have been earlier. The fine on that overdue library book should be pretty big by now. Let's go. Guybrush : Er... That's not exactly what I meant. I sailed here in pursuit of the Governor of Mêlée Island™, who's been kidnapped by a ghost. Herman : Oh fine, DON'T rescue me. I like it here. The rain on my head, the wind at my back... ...the bugs on my plate... Guybrush : Um... Well, perhaps I could take you back, too... ...but I've got to rescue the governor, first. I think she's on that ghost-ship underground. Herman : Oh, OK. Guybrush : What happened to your pants? Herman : What pants? Guybrush : How did you get stranded here? Herman : Well, I sailed here with a friend of mine twenty years ago. We hope to discover the Secret of Monkey Island™. But my friend met with a horrifying and tragic accident... ...which claimed his life... ...and I couldn't sail the ship back by myself. I trained a bunch of chimps to crew the ship and sail it back to Mêlée Island™. They were supposed to get help and come back for me... ...something must have happened. Guybrush : How come you didn't just go with the chimps? Herman : WEEKS on a boat full of monkeys. (looks at player) Oh, joy. Guybrush : You're the only one on the island? Herman : I'm the only CIVILIZED person on the island. There's a native tribe of hunter/gatherers-- --well, HEADhunter/gatherers, actually-- --but I don't talk to them. They ARE cannibals, but they're not dangerous... ...unless you lend them something. Guybrush : Did you lend something to the cannibals? Herman : I lent my banana picker to them, and they never gave it back. As collateral they gave me this enormous cotton swab. It opens the Monkey Head, see? Not like I ever need to go into the Monkey Head... ...but if they want it back, I've got to have my picker first. It's a matter of pride, you know. Guybrush : Why don't you just give me the key to the Monkey Head? Herman : No, I need it to get back my banana picker. Guybrush : Excuse me, I've got pressing business to attend to. Herman : Yes, me too. (looks at player) -- hee hee hee -- Guybrush goes back to the river fork. Realizing that the dam there is making the rest of the river dry, he decides to do something about it. He places a handful of gunpowder on the dam. Then, he opens the spyglass and finds a nifty lens inside it. He uses the lens, with the help of the sun, to burn the gunpowder... Suddenly the dam burst out and water starts flowing. Guybrush : AAA!!! He returns to the pond and finds out that it's now filled with water. The corpse is now on the ground, and he easily picks the rope from it. He returns to the river fork and climbs up the footholds. Uphill, he sees another note. Guybrush : "To the Monkey Island™ Cannibals:" "Please stop moving this." "It is delicately balanced." "--Herman Toothrot" He checks the 'primitive art' nearby. Guybrush : It's either an incisive representation of the futility of man... ...or it's a log and a couple of rocks. Guybrush walks up another foothold and finds himself on a high surface with the surrounding island scenery. Suddenly, Herman comes again. Herman : I never get tired of this view. Even if I HAVE been looking at it for twenty years now. Even if it is the ONLY view on the island. Guybrush : Yes, it IS a nice view. Excuse me, I've got pressing business to attend to. Herman : Yes, me too. (looks at player) -- hee hee hee -- Guybrush pushes the rock nearby and sees a huge rock floats and falls, and suddenly the rock is thrown right to the Sea Monkey far down the beach. The hit drowns the Sea Monkey. Guybrush : Whoops... He returns down and sees another note. Guybrush : "Mr. Toothrot:" "Please remove this dangerous object." "Lemonhead knocked a rock onto it from the cliff above and nearly injured someone who was putting up a swing on the banana tree on the south beach." "--the Cannibals" Guybrush pulls the 'primitive art' twice, changing its direction, and returns back up the foothold. He places another rock and pushes it. The rock hits the banana tree further down the beach. Guybrush : Wow! Looked like it hit the big banana tree on the beach! I bet the odd against that are incredible! Out of curiousity, Guybrush walks to the rightmost part of the platform. Suddenly, it breaks down! Guybrush falls down the mountain! +--------