This is a good depiction of how I drew up. I was very damaged emotionally since I was very small. Thus not being able to bloom emotionally. Dead inside, chained, dragged down, stiffled, blocked, hindered.. what ever the word..... I was too smashed up and my emotions didn't know how to work. My sprout never become a flower, never became a bud. Someone stepped on my sprout, someone very cruel and evil, a person who didn't care about the life of a small child. I don't want to live to live the rest of my life dying because the people who looked out for me were narcissistics pricks. I deserved better in life, I deserved to have gotten an equal shot to live, like every other child. They had no right to take away my life. To smash what little I had.



People don't seem to understand that we age but our inner self will not unless it's healed. It's no different than this picture. I am 28, but my inner self is still as depicted above. You can't fking abuse a kid and expect them to be ok, more than you can smash a mirror and expect to ever use it again. I have to resew my seeds and cultivate things the best I can. It's no fun trying to redo what people do at 3 years old. I have to re-walk through my entire emotional development and that's if I even can. And I will because I'm amazing and talented, but there are people who aren't as skilled as I am. But again I suppose that's why I'm creating my website, so I can make resources and explain the best I can to people how they can heal. and maybe that's why I live this cursed life, so I can be a light, so I can go through the grueling healing process and be able to help other people. I've dedicated 5 years to just healing. That's ages 23-28 for me. That mixed with my amnesia, I have no idea what it's like to be in my 20's. Because day in and day out all I did was trauma healing, hour after hour. I didn't have anyone to guide me. Westerm medicine and psychology is jacked full of lies and don't know any thing about serious and complex healing, not to mention they aren't even interested because of their creaming and money scams. I don't mind doing the work, I'm just hurt I have to. I'm hurt that I was so beaten and abused that I was literally a mess of blood and holes emotionally. I don't get to live a life like normal people did, that ship has passed. But at least my life has meaning, maybe not social or fun, but it's in personal healing. I suppose even normal people can waste their life, have nothing to show for it, but least they enjoyed it. I suppose for a person like me, our enjoyment comes a bit later in life. and maybe that's ok too. I'm ok with waiting on the future, I'm ok with working day in and day out on healing myself and gaining knowledge that will make this world a better place. But it doesn't make things hurt any less and I have to grieve the loss and pain.