You might not ever have given it much thought, but an iPhone is a hell of a lot like a new baby.

Don’t believe me? Here’s how:

Price.

No matter how carefully you do your sums beforehand, they inevitably turn out to be more expensive than you expect. Usually it’s because you forget to factor in all the ongoing running costs.



Variety.

They come in all different colours, but they basically all do the same stuff.

Time.

They’re a great way to eat up a lot of your spare time. Sometimes you can spend an entire day playing with it, before realising you’ve achieved almost nothing. Remember: don’t bring it into your bedroom, or it could spoil your nocturnal plans too.

Size.

You get big ones, small ones, ones with amazing memory and some that are a bit slow. But regardless of size, they all do pretty much the same things.

Fragile!

Try not to drop them, because they break pretty easily. And you’ll be really upset if you break them.

Devotion.

Some people worship theirs far more than it’s healthy to do so: thankfully, most people just see them as a nice thing to have. Try not to worship yours too much!

Drainage.

If you keep them busy all the time, they need to recharge their batteries at least once a day, sometimes more.

Exclusivity.

As much as you’d like them to be exclusive, almost anybody can have one. Just when you finally get a new one, and think you’ll be able to brag for a bit, suddenly everyone else seems to one as well.

Envy.

If you see somebody else’s, you’ll start wanting one of your own. But think carefully before getting your own – remember, they’ll only be telling you the good parts. They’ll conveniently forget all the annoying stuff.

Hindsight.

As soon as they start to cause you problems, smart-arses who haven’t got one will crow about how glad they are not to have gotten one themselves.

Upgrades.

Eventually, you’ll have the tough decision to make: do you stick with the one you’ve got, or do you go for a new model. Just remember this: you always assume the new model will be better, but inevitably ends up being exactly the same as the original.

Love.

As much as they can cause you grief, eat up a lot of your time, cost you lots of money and even make you wish you hadn’t got one, you’ll probably love it a lot once you’ve got one. They’re pretty cool really.