I'm blown away. Stunned. Totally dumbfounded. And I've easily rocketed past all of you chumps as the luckiest Reddit Secret Santa. By far.

The box art alone would've sufficed as a super bomb present. After doing a bit of e-spying, PippyROX found out that I drive racecars and drew up some super cool car art and witty phrases.

Inside was three individually wrapped packages and a card. The card said wait on the card - so I did.

First, I noticed the pack of Bacon Ginger Snaps. Awesome. I tried them very quickly - and they're SUPER BACONY. I was suspicious at first; I mean, come on, bacon cookies? I'm not a big cookie guy - BUT THESE ROCK! They're greasy. They're crunchy. They're very, very bacon flavored. Even CHUNKS of bacon pop out at you with FLAVOR. As a matter of fact, these are an ALL ACCESS PASS TO FLAVOR TOWN!!

So, I'm totally psyched. I didn't think I could handle any more win until I unwrapped the tubular green thing. Smiling out at me was a happy Chinese woman and some cryptic characters. Turns out, they're colored pencils! Colored pencils, cool. But NOT JUST ANY COLORED PENCILS. These are made from newspapers. CHINESE NEWSPAPERS. They're pressed so hard that there's no difference between these and wood. Super ultra awesome.

And then, I moved onto the DVD-shaped item. I thought, "Sure, this will be the gag gift. This will be a copy of Twilight or something kitchsy."

No. Nope. Not even close. It's a new copy of Gears of War 2.

Not just any copy. A SIGNED copy. SIGNED BY THE DEVS! Pippyrox's boyfriend went around and got the signatures of the whole dev team in Sharpie. It's beyond comprehension. I don't have words for it.

So, I'll close with a simple, "Thank you so much Pippyrox and company. I simply couldn't be happier."

Oh, and the rest of you got screwed. Chumps. :D