Anti-choice, anti-gay, generally all-around gross guy claiming his hatefulness is “Christian” John Diehl has been, to absolutely no one’s surprise, caught sexting with a teenager. And probably fucking her, though there’s always a very slim chance that she and he were just engaged in an elaborate erotic role-play by phone. (Kidding. He says in the texts that he’s fucking her, so I think it’s safe to say there’s an upwards of 90% chance he did.)

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Obligatory response to the inevitable conservatives claiming hypocrisy because of how they assume I must feel about Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky: Sorry, you’re wrong. The direct quote you’re looking for: “icky, borderline predatory behavior”.

Now that the preliminaries are out of the way, let’s get into the good stuff. Because John Diehl is the speak of the Missouri House of Representatives, one of the state legislatures that is most swept up in the nationwide right wing panic over the fact that straight women and gay people are having sex and must be stopped. Unless they are nubile 18-year-olds sucking the cocks of important homophobic Republicans, of course. And so, I give to you some fun compare-and-contrast how John Diehl thinks sex is terrible for you—and you must face consequences—but good for him, and certainly nothing that requires consequences.

John Diehl really hates birth control.

Like a lot. When Gov. Jay Nixon vetoed a bill that would give employers power to use “religion” as cover to take your birth control coverage that you earned by working away from you—their religion requiring them to have a vote in your medical decisions—Diehl and his fellow Republicans were so incensed that they had a vote to override his veto. It’s not just that Diehl is so angry and hateful about your private sex life that he voted for this bill. He’s so angry and hateful that he, as speaker, was the person who was most instrumental in making sure this override happened. That’s how much he wants your nosy boss to sit in judgment of your sex life and try to punish you for it by depriving you of private medical choices that should be none of his business.

John Diehl enjoys having the kind of sex that necessitates birth control.

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Fucking fertile 18-year-olds when you have a wife who could find out is a dangerous business.

Sifting through the text messages sent between Mo. House Speaker John Diehl and the unidentified intern… pic.twitter.com/ZtVxVC4Z3x — Mark J. Zinn (@MarkJZinn) May 13, 2015

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Something tells me they weren’t using the rhythm method. So there you have it: Birth control is so wrong that your boss should have the power to interfere with your private medical business in order to stop you from using it. Unless, of course, you’re John Diehl and there’s a willing 18-year-old on hand. Then rules? Where we’re going, there are no rules.

John Diehl doesn’t want to hear you ladies yapping, especially on the topic of sexual autonomy.

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When the House convened a panel to talk about how terrible this birth control thing is and how critical it is to give your boss power over your contraception choices, one thing was very clear to John Diehl: Women’s voices were not necessary to this conversation. Female Democrats stood for two hours to weigh in on the subject of whether your boss’s opinion on your contraception choice matters more than your own, and Diehl refused to recognize them.

John Diehl becomes all ears when women are talking about sex, if those women are nubile 18-year-olds saying they want to fuck him.

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If you have sex with someone other than John Diehl, you should be forced to wait for medical care to punish you for your naughty, sex-having ways.

John Diehl also spearheaded an override of Gov. Nixon’s veto of a bill requiring women to wait 72 hours for an abortion. Women who have sex should be put on a time-out like naughty toddlers, and told to sit and think about how bad they are with all the sex they’re having, before they’re allowed to terminate unwanted pregnancies and get on with the lives.

John Diehl does not like to keep sexually active women waiting, if said sexually active women were recently in high school and are hungering for some Diehl penis.

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John Diehl believes man-woman marriage is so sacrosanct that having gay couples marry, even though it has nothing to do with you, will somehow disrupt the force.

Hat tip to Wonkette for pulling a brief, filed by Diehl and his fellow Republicans, arguing against gay marriage. One choice quote: “The intact, biological, married family remains the gold standard for family life in the United States, insofar as children are most likely to thrive—economically, socially, and psychologically–in this family form.” Got it. Heterosexual marriage is precious and fragile and can easily be destroyed by something as small as just knowing that somewhere out there, two ladies married each other.

John Diehl is so indifferent to the protection of man-woman marriage that he has an affair with a teenager behind his wife’s back.

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John Diehl believes that your life should be ruined if you have sex in ways outside of the ways dictated by his narrow religious dogma.

Forced childbirth, struggles getting contraception, being denied the right to marry: These are just a few consequences that Diehl has fought valiantly for in his time as a Missouri’s speaker. Because if people that are not John Diehl have gay sex or non-procreative sex, they are naughty and deserving of punishment.

John Diehl feels he should face no consequences for having an affair with a teenager.

Diehl claims to take “full responsibility” for his teenager-fucking ways, but as for now, is refusing to resign. Because consequences are for you little people who are having consensual sex with age-appropriate partners that is hurting no one. Self-important conservative misogynists and homophobes, however, should be able to do what they like, even if it’s hurtful to their own families. Even if it’s borderline predatory to respond to thirsty 18-year-olds by taking your pants off rather than maturely telling them to chill out and find a boyfriend their own age who isn’t a married father.

Fuck you, John Diehl. I hope your wife leaves you and your mistress, when she recovers her senses, tells the world you have a tiny cock.