WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT

With things getting really fucking tight at the News Corp mastheads and digital platforms, any form of content is king right now.

With listicles about which NBA players Rugby League players would be, and what type of office furniture would make an All-Time Super Rugby XV, the struggling content creators at the various publications are under the pump.

So, while plenty of the honest workers at News Corp plug away trying to create stuff and report on stories that are of interest to the general public, some of the old fat cunts are just resorting to the same shit as normal to try and get clicks.

Speaking to The Advocate this morning, Ray Kent, an ageing journo who played a game for a first-grade team once in the ’90s or something,* maybe, but now just gets by pandering to the whims of his editors, explained that he’s sticking to what he knows best.

“Writing bullshit made up stories in an effort to stir some bogans up,” he laughed.

“You make it to the top in here by doing everything you can to understand the agenda at the top, and pretending like you are organically coming up with content that fits that agenda,” he continued to explain in his run of the mill aggressive shouting voice.

“And by being ‘controversial’ and generating clicks.”

“So I’m sticking to the tried and tested theme of hammering proud young men with a bit of personality.”

“So I’m pumping out a piece on Latrell Mitchell missing Round 4 of the NRL because he’s running away to Taree.”

This comes despite the fact huge numbers of other players have left their current living arrangements to head back home to spend some quality time with their families while all this shit goes down – because the NRL is postponed until at least July 1.

“Yeah, but it’s Latrell,” said the insecure washed-up old bloke who’d give anything to have a beer with any current first grader.

“And he wants to get paid!”

“Don’t worry about the fact he’s gone back up home to be a good family and community man and do some work on his property, (like he did during the catastrophic bushfires).”

“He should be training at the club.”

“I don’t care if he’s not allowed to. He should be training. Then I can write a piece about him not social distancing correctly.”

“Let me write that down actually.”

*Citation needed