SEDONA, AZ—Having admitted to growing somewhat apart recently, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft departed for a three-day spa getaway Wednesday in an attempt to rekindle their strained relationship, sources close to the pair confirmed. “There’s been a lot of tension between us lately, and we felt it was important to get away from our hectic lives and spend some time just focusing on us,” said Goodell, adding that a few days of couples hot-stone massages, side-by-side aromatherapy pedicures, and herbal facials would help recapture the happiness and intimacy they initially felt after first meeting. “Every owner-commissioner relationship has its ups and downs, and when you’ve been together for as long as we have, you’re bound to hit a few rough patches. But we already feel so much closer after spending an hour in the sauna together and then relaxing on our balcony with a bottle of wine and some chocolate fondue.” Goodell went on to say that despite their recent issues, he knows deep down that he and Kraft both just want what’s best for the Patriots.

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