Farrah Abraham has really come a long way since she claimed that she was violated by her “boyfriend” James Deen “leaking” a “private” “sex tape” she made with him. Farrah went from screaming that her privacy was violated to violating her privates with plaster for a new line of sex toys. And I know that I did you wrong with that picture. If it makes you feel better, the image of Backdoor Farrah wearing a plaster diaper is embedded into my brain too. We’re in this together. Maybe we can split a Skype therapy session.

Right now, Backdoor Farrah has more mold than usual in her fuck parts and that’s because she got a whole lot white sticky stuff smeared all over her ass cheeks, culo hole and coochie at the headquarters of the fourth largest sex toy company in the world Topco Sales. Farrah let film her down low parts getting plastered, because this special moment needs to be captured and because they paid for the cab and promised to buy her lunch at Del Taco afterward. Topco says that they will start selling Farrah’s silicone asshole next year.

I’ve always said that you got to strike while the freshly fucked asshole is hot, so I can’t blame or judge Farrah for making more money by selling a line of plastic products that will have as many brain cells as she does. But I can judge every ho who buys a mold of Farrah’s parts. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of silicone anuses and vagines on the market, so why would you want to buy Farrah’s?! You know, now that I think about, a mold of Farrah’s parts wouldn’t make a good sex toy, but it would make an excellent security system.

Just put all of your valuables in your Backdoor Farrah mold and leave your house knowing that they’re safe. If a thief decides to stick his hand in your Backdoor Farrah mold to get to your valuables, he’ll find out that he made the wrong decision when his hand is ripped off of his arm and is never seen from again. Farrah should really put that on the box. That’s a major selling point. And no, I have no idea how you’d get your valuables back.