SCARBOROUGH, ON—Gunmeet Singh, an IT specialist who commutes every day to his job in Toronto, was confronted by a man on Wellington Street this morning and told to go back home to wherever he came from. Luckily, Singh found this extremely easy to do, because he was already about to take the subway home to Scarborough, and would be there in about 20 minutes.

"The guy was really vehement," Singh reported. "I hadn't done anything at all, I was just leaving work and headed to the TTC stop. I guess the guy saw my turban and got pretty upset. He called me Muslim (I'm not, I'm Sikh) and asked if I understood English (I do, it's the only language I understand). He said I should just go back to where I came from if I can't adjust. I mean, I do find the traffic a bit busier in Toronto than Scarborough I guess? You really have to look both directions, especially if you're at Yonge and Dundas. But yeah, otherwise it's pretty similar, not too much to adjust to."

"The guy who was yelling at me sounded like he had a lot more adjusting to do than me, to be honest," continued Singh.

Singh, when asked where he had been "radicalized," could only remember having attended John McCrae Public School and then Tabor Park Vocational School, and couldn't say that he found McCowan Road very radical by any definition of the word.

At press time, the man who confronted Singh, Daniel O'Leary, was already planning to celebrate his Irish heritage next week on St. Patrick's Day, though irony experts expect him to drunkenly confront at least three individuals that night about not leaving their cultural practices back where they came from (Mississauga, Brampton, and Oakville, respectively).

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