Murphy Nixon clutched a valise close to his chest and crossed Fountain Square.

It was a bright morning in Bowling Green, Kentucky and the famed horticulturalist from upstate New York had an important meeting.

Days earlier he had contacted Scott Pruitt, a respected lawyer and now President Trump’s nominee for head of the EPA. They were to meet in the quiet Southern town to discuss one of the planet’s gravest environmental concerns: chemtrails.

But Mr. Nixon did not make it to that meeting. Neither did his evidence of a global conspiracy, a conspiracy that has been linked to everything from erectile dysfunction to the death of Chihuahuas and America’s atheism crisis.

All too predictably, the murder of Nixon was censored from the mainstream corporate media this week. The press was quite busy mocking Kellyanne Conway instead. Could that possibly be a coincidence?

Researchers at 4chan.org, the research arm of Wikileaks, think not.

Decoded emails from the John Podesta hack have shed new light on the Bowling Green Massacre. An investigator, known only by the handle “HairyMAGAKnob16,” posted on Friday that he had found repeated code words in the emails that show a direct link between the Bowling Green terrorist attack and former presidential candidate Hillary Clinton.

Clinton has long been suspected of complicity in the United Nations conspiracy to control the world through chemtrails. Indeed, many now believe her presidential run was orchestrated by a combination of Super Homosexuals and Big Atheism, both of which have been linked to the Illuminati, now overseen by reptilian shapeshifter Leonard Nimoy. Nimoy’s murder of Antonin Scalia was just the latest ploy of these chemtrail-loving extraterrestrial socialists who hate our Constitutional freedoms and our automatic weapons.

All of this raises the question, what is Alec Baldwin’s role in this scandal and why is Irish Intelligence funding his treasonous activates? Are rogue states like California and Australia also in on the action? Was President Trump sent here back in time by Nikola Tesla to prevent this heinous cabal of marijuana-loving sex degenerates from taking over America’s heartland?

War with Iran is the obvious answer.

As Frederick Douglass once said, “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men” and nothing builds up stronger children than a military campaign aimed at avenging our flaccid, elderly pride.