View this email in your browser Dear sister,

On October 30th, I received a phone call from HR. After 4 years as a consultant, I was laid off. No severance package. No warning. Just a box to ship my laptop and phone back to HQ.



All year I had been saying, I want to quit my job to go full-time on The Cosmos. But I always found a reason not to -- I wanted to save more money, get out of debt, and wait for the *perfect* time. I won't pretend those realities don’t matter -- after all, I’m trying to stitch together freelance gigs to pay rent next month! But thanks to my co-founder Karen, I’ve never been more sure of my gifts.



Karen refused to let me suffer in silence. She guessed that I’d try to hide my problems so she insisted that we communicate. Daily. Though I dreaded it at first, we’ve spoken on the phone every day since I got laid off. She helped me create a plan for my path forward and researched New York unemployment insurance options (who knew they had a Self-Employment Assistance Program?) when I couldn’t get out of bed. This is sisterhood in its unglamorous but most powerful form. This is why The Cosmos exists.



If the universe has thrown you for a spin, too, know that you have what it takes AND it’s okay to ask for help. When you join The Cosmos, you’re no longer alone. There’s a love army standing behind you, ready to hold you up… especially if you fall.



P.S. This week marks the return of The Cosmos Letter, with a fresh new look by Team Cosmos Designer @linhyen.co! If you like what you see (and read), would you mind forwarding to friends and encouraging them to subscribe?



To the stars,

Cassandra 5 Ways You Can Flourish with

Fam this Holiday Season!

1. Make peace with your expectations. While most of us are not coming home to a picture-perfect Hallmark movie scene, it’s likely that we’re holding onto some unrealistic expectations. Dr. Crane shares why this can backfire: When we build up our expectations to unreasonable levels (like those Hallmark visions), we set ourselves up to be disappointed. Don’t compare your family dynamics, personalities, or traditions to anyone else’s. Comparing can all too often lead to finding your own family lacking or disappointing. Remember, nobody’s family is perfect, no matter how they look on social media.



Before making holiday plans:

(1) Pull out your journal (we recommend Asian-woman created Passion Planner!)

(2) Set a timer for 15 minutes.

(3) Jot down any past holiday memories that come to mind.

(4) Circle the memories that involved conflict or tension with family.

(4) Notice if this exercise brought up any feelings. Think about what expectations you had in those moments of conflict. Recognize that you have the power to make this holiday season work for you. Scratch out any expectations that no longer serve you!



2. Decide if you want to make the trip home. But let's be real...the anxiety of Mom, Dad, and extended family guilt-tripping you can be enough to throw your own needs out the window.



Take a deep breath and write down 3 points that express your needs and practice saying them aloud to a friend. When it comes time to share your decision with family, speak from an honest and vulnerable place to help them understand where you’re coming from.



When you share what you're going through, you give your loved ones a chance to show up for you. And yes, putting yourself first is going to feel weird at first. But that’s exactly why we all need to do it more often.



3. Show love your way. Do you know what your love language is? If not, take the 5 Love Languages quiz to understand how YOU like to show love. Buying gifts or giving a red envelope might not feel right to you, and that’s okay. Once you know how you like to give (helping mom peel ginger or going to the market with grandma counts!), expressing love and appreciation for our family members can feel like something to look forward to.



4. Draw those boundaries! Eating every meal with family. Greeting grandparents. Shopping with cousins. Running to the post office. Buying the ingredient your brother or sister forgot. The holidays sure have a way of draining our positive energy (and ca$h money)!



Here's Dr. Crane guidance: Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries! This is tough in Asian families where parents and elders might expect you to be available on demand. Consider where you can draw boundaries, especially with regard to answering intrusive questions or reacting to upsetting comments. If you feel overwhelmed, take a bathroom break to breathe and remember that the visit is temporary.



5. Text your sister (or brother!). The holidays have a way of bringing old wounds to the surface. Family members might say or do something that triggers… and next thing you know, you're in tears, a heated argument, or snapping at someone you love. Your eight year old self is still inside, as well as all the hurtful things you may not have processed.



Go find a quiet space and recite these *3 mantras*: (1) I am not alone; (2) I deserve to ask for support, and (3) I am not a burden. Before you head home for the holidays, find a brother/sister you trust and ask him/her if you can reach out in case anything comes up. If you're at home, come up with a system of signaling to a family member you're close to when you need support or at least a hand squeeze. We love this reality check by Dr. Crane: Family drives us craziest fastest, so we always need someone on the outside to remind us of who we are.



P.S. You can always email us at hello@jointhecosmos.com if you need extra shoulders to lean on!



This guide wouldn't be possible without Dr. Leilani Salvo Crane, Cosmos Community member and recent New York Retreat attendee. She is the daughter of a Filipina immigrant mother and a New England WASP father, and passionate about addressing the unique challenges faced by multiracial individuals in the U.S. You can book an appointment with her at Zencare! - NY Community Member Making Social Media Work for You with Catherine Kim

Thurs, 11/29 | 7:00-9:00 PM | NYC

9 spots left!



Who else here is in a love/hate relationship with social media? It can be intimidating to put yourself (and your work!) out there, AND reach the right audience, grow your followers, and create content. Wheter your goal is to make some extra cash with a side hustle, launch a new career, get yes on the project you've started, or begin a passion project, this workshop is for you.



This intimate 2-hour workshop is led by designer, art director, influencer, and Cosmos woman Catherine Kim (@catherinejkim). Catherine will share how she launched her career using social media, and you'll leave with the tools and confidence to thrive on social media! RSVP Here Well, that was... so freakin' effective!

BREATHE AND RELIEVE (4-7-8 Technique)

What do you do when you feel like there’s too much to do and not enough time? TAKE A 4-7-8 BREATH! This is an easy way to relax yourself and tap into the body’s natural relaxation response.

1. Make sure your back is straight and set yourself up in a comfortable position (can be sitting or standing). 2. Breathe in slowly through your nose for 4 seconds. 3. Hold your breath for 7 seconds. 4. Exhale for 8 seconds. 5. Keep your jaw and body relaxed with your mouth closed as you inhale through your nose. When exhaling, practice relaxing any tension in your body by pushing the air through your lips, making an audible “whoosh” sound.



We recommend using this while waiting in Black Friday lines, sitting through awkward family dinners, and binge watching Riverdale. (left to right)

To All The Boys I Loved Before; Meteor Garden; Terrace House: Aloha State

*all streaming on Netflix* Copyright © 2018 The Cosmos, All rights reserved.

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