If you have never used Irwin brand Vise-Grips, you need to reevaluate your goals in life. They are so unbelievably awesome, that human words cannot describe them. They should be the prize that you win in every contest throughout life. Graduation from anything should get you a set of vise grips. Instead of worthless tokens & tickets, arcade games should hand kids Vise-Grips with every new high score. Birthday parties should be limited to Vise-Grip related gifts only. Every car coming off the assembly line should have a pair of Vise-Grips attached to a panel in the trunk. If aliens do really exist, they are likely just coming to earth to try to get some new Vise Grips. If something goes horrible wrong in 2012, you better hope that somebody tucked away a pair of Vise-Grips in a secret chamber. Without them, we will all be doomed.

Vise Grips Can:

– Open Vise-Grips that are so tightly gripped that the only way you can open them is with more Vise-Grips.

– Take the place of every size socket, wrench, and screwdriver you own

– Tear things off / apart

– Remove flywheels

– Hold things while you weld / grind / cut them

– Temporarily & permanently hold parts onto your vehicle for inspection purposes

– Break stuff when you want to break it

– Remove all the broken stuff that you broke

– Hammer on stuff (not recommended, but it works)

– Pinch you into submission

– Turn stuff that is stuck or not meant to be turned

– Hold up your hood / hatch

– Crush imposters that fail to grip, and always slip.

– Survive the worst that you can throw at them

– Laugh at other tools when they can’t successfully do their intended job

– Ever-so-gently grab gentle stuff

– Work forever, no matter how long your forget them in the rain.

Full Disclosure: I truly love Vise Grips this much, and even if I owned 100 of them I would still need more. Would I trade your lunch for a pair of Vise-Grips? You better believe I would. Sure we have all been bitten by them a couple times, but that is just the Vise-Grips’ way of saying “Excuse me mere mortal, my supernatural grip is mightier than all. Respect the grip or the pain of a blood blister will be bestowed upon thee!!”