I used to be terrified of spiders. I thought if I got one and always knew where it was, it couldn’t frighten me

I can’t remember when my fear of spiders began. My mum would start crying if she saw one, so I thought you were supposed to be scared of them. As I grew up, it developed. I’d have panic attacks and freeze if I saw even a tiny one. It was the thought of all those legs; the way they scuttle along. I’d feel the panic rising, and start sweating, hyperventilating. I had a recurring dream that I was in a dark room surrounded by spiders and I’d wake up screaming. It was awful.

I realised I couldn’t leave the house without being frightened. It had to stop. So I started researching spiders on the internet. I began looking at pictures. It took me a while to be able to do so without flinching. I thought if I got a spider and I always knew where it was, it couldn’t frighten me.

Six years on, I own 58 tarantulas, which are all stored in large plastic boxes stacked on top of each other in my living room. It was a big surprise, even to me, when I decided to get the first one. I said to my husband, Dom, who’s always been very supportive and tolerant of my phobia, “I don’t know how to tell you this, but I’ve just bought a tarantula.” He thought I was joking. And so did my mum. She said: “What, a real one? Not a cuddly toy?”

Unpacking it after it arrived in the post was terrifying. I screamed at the sight of its enormous red legs. Once it was housed, I said to Dom, “I don’t need two tarantulas, do I?” He said, “No, you definitely don’t.” A week later, a second one turned up. Now I’ve got dozens.

I don’t hold the tarantulas because it stresses them out, but I have touched them gently; they look fluffy, but the hairs are actually quite rough. Their abdomens are soft, but a tarantula will flick those hairs if they feel threatened. So if I open up an enclosure and a spider starts rubbing a leg against its abdomen, I get out of there, fast. I’ve got one, an eight-inch red, white and black Colombian Giant called Shiva, who has this amazing defence of jumping and spinning in a circle.

They’re very easy to look after, as long as they have water. Some of them don’t even eat very often. I feed them locusts, and give the smaller ones young crickets. The first one I bought, Nightshade, has gone 16 months without eating. He’s of the Grammostola rosea species, and they’re basically pet rocks – they don’t use up much energy.

I get their names from sci-fi: there’s Jubilee from X-Men, Ludo from Labyrinth, Nebula from Guardians Of The Galaxy, and Genie, in honour of David Bowie. My favourite is a golden knee called Commander Strax, from Doctor Who. He’s got such a soft character.

Tarantulas shed their exoskeletons, as all spiders do. It’s incredible to watch. It can take hours for them to molt; they roll over on to their backs to make it easier. I frame the skins or share them with friends.

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You can tell the difference between male and female tarantulas when they mature. The females are usually twice the size of the males. The majority of the males will develop tibial hooks on their front legs, which are to hold the female fangs out of the way during mating, because they will be dinner if they’re not fast. The female will always try to eat the male afterwards. I haven’t been tempted to allow any of mine to mate.

I’ve never been bitten by a tarantula. They rarely bite. Almost all spiders are venomous, but mostly in the UK their fangs aren’t big enough to pierce human skin. A tarantula bite would hurt, and in extreme cases you could die. Usually it would feel no worse than a bee sting.

I would say I’m addicted to spiders now. If you face a fear and beat it, you become fascinated or even fall in love with what you were afraid of. I do love them. When one dies, I cry.

It was only when I was fully recovered from my phobia that I realised just how on edge I’d been my whole life. My mum can now sit in a room full of them, and she even said, “You know, some of them are actually quite pretty.”

• As told to Sophie Haydock



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