Chapter Text

White Swan

Yuzu made her way toward the booth in the corner, mindful of Matsuri’s preferences as, for some reason, she had yet to uncover, the girl preferred to sit with her back to the wall when possible. Tension stiffened her shoulders and she willed herself to look forward as she walked by a table occupied by a young couple. Envy had never been one of her traits but she had learned that witnessing the dazed happiness of love steered her mind toward unpleasant thoughts. Thoughts often built upon the cruel realisation that her time with Mei had never been quite carefree for no matter how drunk on happiness she had been, their horizon had always held dark clouds.

Maybe, if I had paid more attention then - She shook her head refusing to complete the thought. Her loose golden locks scattered about her shoulders and once again, she regretted not taking the proper time to fix her hair in the morning as Mei stepping into the bathroom had sent her scurrying away.

She bit her lower lip, inflicting a delicate pain upon herself and moved forward to carefully place her tall glass of iced milk tea on the gleaming surface of the cafe table. She then put Matsuri’s shopping bags down on the bench and took a seat herself, scooting over to push the purchases toward the centre of the bench with her own body, the sharp edges of manga and games catching her hips.

At some point during the day, she had found herself carrying Matsuri’s bags, although no matter how hard she tried, she could not recall when or how it happened. Nevertheless, she felt no annoyance over it; she was used to acting as Matsuri’s big sister after all. In truth, she found the unchangeable nature of some things comforting. Matsuri would always be an ever-present force of nature.

A bemused smile appeared on her lips as her mind revisited a memory from her shared past with the girl and she found herself walking her to school, scents of spring filling her nose as the memory took hold of her. The warmth of the first sun stroked her back and she felt Matsuri’s small hand wrapped around hers, so tightly that Yuzu had to often ask the girl to relent her hold.

“Yuzu-chan, did you miss me?” The words slid into her ear with the same unforgiving inevitability of an ice cube sliding down the back.

Yuzu jumped in her seat, barely able to hold back a yelp when her breath caught in her throat. Her head snapped sideways to find Matsuri by her side, one arm draped on top of the seat backrest as she peered at her from above. For a moment Yuzu had the harrowing sensation of being at the bottom of a cliff, Matsuri looming over her, her lips drawing a cutting smirk.

A frown pulled her eyebrows closer and she glared at Matsuri with dark eyes. As expected, the girl remained undeterred and even though Yuzu knew that being looked at sternly pleased the girl’s mischievous side, she could not help but prolong her disapproving gaze.

Matsuri left her side once Yuzu looked away and moved to take her own seat. She dropped onto the cushioned bench with little grace and placed her own drink on the table with less care than Yuzu would have deemed safe. Her order was a special caramel latte with a topping high enough to conceal the lower half of Matsuri’s face and dropping it would have created a mess able to turn a waitress’s day into a nightmare.

The thought made Yuzu flinch as she knew from personal experience working in a cafe how hard removing such stains was. Her scolding words never made it past her lips though as her attention was stolen by Matsuri’s open wallet that the girl dropped upon the table with a thud, paper bills staring up at the ceiling.

“What?” The girl complained, easily locating the source of Yuuzu’s concern, her face stretching to paint a portrait of wide-eyed innocence. Her acting skills might have been flawless but Yuzu knew that such expressions had no place on Matsuri’s face.

“That’s a lot to be carrying around, isn’t it?” Yuzu called the girl’s attention to her wallet with a sharp nod, her fingers pinching the pink straw in her milk-tea.

“Don’t worry, Yuzu-chan. I’m not running my side business any more.” Matsuri sighed dramatically, her shoulders dropping under the weight of such sacrifice as she seized the chance to grieve the loss of her lifestyle of old. Her theatrics did not impress Yuzu and her uncompromising gaze remained trained on Matsuri’s face as she waited for a plausible explanation to be offered.

“My parents gave it to me.” The girl said with a shrug but Yuzu kept her eyes narrowed for a moment longer. It was not an explanation that Yuzu would have normally deemed plausible but her friend did not appear to be lying.

“Alright then.” She conceded with an easy smile, guiding her straw to her lips, humming in contentment as the cool and sugary taste of her drink met her tongue. Unfortunately, her moment of sweet gratification was not destined to last.

“Besides…” Matsuri pushed her drink to the side and leaned on both elbows to rest her face upon the bridge made by her intertwined fingers in a pensive fashion. “...this is small change compared to some girls at school. You should know that.”

“I suppose so.” Yuzu nodded, focusing her hearing onto the tingling sound of the ice cubes bumping against the glass as she twirled her straw about her beverage.

Yuzu had never paid any mind to the concept of wealth in the past. Money had always been a means to an end to her, rather than the end itself. Her attitude had changed the moment she set foot into Mei’s world as wealth was a solitary brick in the wall keeping the two of them apart - yet another piece of Mei’s world that she struggled to understand.

“Are you getting used to the Academy by now?” A pang of guilt needled her stomach at the question, the words souring her mouth as they rolled off her tongue.

She should have asked that at the very start of the year but she had struggled with managing a pain that blinded her to anything else. Yuzu recoiled, she did not want to be like this: selfish and self-centered. It was not who she was.

“Yuzu-chan.” Matsuri’s voice broke her out of the cage, her friend staring at her with a kindness that only a few people, if any, had ever witnessed in her clever eyes. Her understanding only served to make Yuzu feel smaller and to grow fearful of the words Matsuri might speak next.

Yuzu was far from a riddle, the darkening of her mood always spiralled around the same person and she feared Matsuri might ask questions that she had no answers for, answers she feared to learn. Her neck stiffened as Matsuri leaned forward, a cunning glint in her eyes as if she meant to reveal some dangerous truths. Yuzu could only hold her breath.

“The Academy needs to get used to me , Yuzu-chan.” Matsuri stated in a peremptory voice, eyes narrowing dangerously to become sharp shards of sky framed by her long dark eyelashes. Somehow, within the familiar curl of her friend’s lips, Yuzu found herself at ease.

She broke into a giggle without meaning to, the sound so incredibly honest that for a moment she doubted it to belong to her.

“You could have picked another school, you know.” She returned to the conversation with an ease that surprised her, her voice playing to a swift teasing tempo that lit a spark within Matsuri’s eyes. She captured her straw once again, taking a long healthy sip of her drink as she waited for the girl’s reply.

“Pfffft!” She girl puffed out her chest and brought her own drink in front of her once again, stabbing her straw into the thick liquid in a childish fashion. “And leave you and Taniguchi-senpai by yourselves? Nene-san would drive you crazy if I wasn’t around.”

She flashed Yuzu her customary cheeky grin, although there seemed to be an element of bashfulness in her expression. The knowledge that Matsuri only allowed herself to be so unguarded around her made Yuzu smile. She found herself feeling relief at Matsuri’s apparent lack of interest in the most troubling of topics relating to her personal life.

Black Swan

“So what’s going on with you and Mei-san?” Matsuri asked with casual indifference, her eyes remaining fixed on the screen in front of them.

“Huh?” Yuzu had been caught by surprise by the question and almost dropped the plastic gun she was holding as the onscreen enemies drew closer.

She turned to face Matsuri but could not find her gaze. Her pink-haired friend looked almost bored as she effortlessly blasted away at the arcade game as though it came as naturally to her as getting dressed. It had been Matsuri’s suggestion to make a detour to the mall small selection of arcade machines but she now looked like a moody child waiting for a parent to finish a conversation.

“You know what I mean, why is she back at school all of a sudden? Are you two back together again?” This time, Yuzu felt a slight edge in her tone.

Yuzu tried hard to focus her attention on the game but what little skill she had was rapidly deteriorating, her shots landing wider and wider from the mark. Her mental autopilot kicked in and she tried to offer the first excuse she could think of. Anything to change the topic.

“What? She’s just moved back in with us and-“ She began.

“Because her marriage got called off again, right?” Matsuri interjected, her voice louder than before. “People at school are already talking about that, you know.”

"They are? Ah!"

A flash of red onscreen. Yuzu had gone through another one of her lives as the game moved into a particularly difficult patch. Despite this, her mind was far away, set on the thoughts of just what had transpired before Mei chose to return home. She thought of Udagawa, meek and friendly, a fitting match in many ways. He would not have made a bad husband, yet Yuzu could not help but feel a small amount of bitterness toward him. She wondered if Matsuri knew who Mei had been betrothed to.

She would have rather moved those troubling thoughts far away.

“Ah!” Yuzu’s character was attacked again.

“You didn’t answer my other question, Yuzu-chan - Are you back together now?” Matsuri stopped shooting at the enemies in the game and finally turned to face her.

Now, it was Yuzu’s turn not to face her as she struggled alone with the virtual onslaught. She knew that if she were to look into Matsuri’s eyes, she’d see the interrogative stare, the one that would always cut right through her. She kept shooting. It was all she could do.

“I-I guess not. We haven’t really talked about it!” Yuzu blurted out.

Her efforts were in vain. A mournful dirge accompanied the game over screen and the clock began ticking down, asking for another hundred Yen to continue.

“You’re hopeless, Yuzu-chan.” Matsuri sighed as she leant on the cabinet.

“It’s not that easy...” Yuzu had only the vague notion of a retort to the comment.

Matsuri was right; She was cruelly direct with her words but she was right. She had not dealt with the issue ever since Mei had returned home: If she truly wanted to, she could be direct and just ask Mei all the questions she wanted to ask. It seemed so simple when spelled out like that, yet Mei’s aloofness made it tricky to find the right words. Instead they had allowed themselves to fall into what felt like an impasse; They could be around each other again but the echoes of the past were still deafening.

“It seems simple enough to me then. You and Mei-san are sisters. Nothing more.” Matsuri waved her hands for effect, a satisfied look finding its way to her face.

“You might be right.”

Was that really all they were? She could not deny Matsuri’s logic but she could also not deny her heart, as abstruse and perplexing as it could be at times.

She glanced over at Matsuri, who had now taken both of the guns for the arcade game, one in each hand. A smirk appeared on her lips, the kind of smirk that only ever spelled trouble when it appeared.

“You want me to play for you, Yuzu-chan? I can beat this game by myself.”

Mirror, Mirror...

At that moment, to find a single speck of dusk in the Aihara household would be quite the impossible task. Mei shifted on her feet and turned about to take in the sight of her labour: each piece of furniture had been polished, the wooden floor had been waxed and the trinkets scattered about the space, which belonged to Mother for the most part, had been rubbed to a shine.

The rest of the house had received the same treatment, the activity stealing away the entirety of Mei’s morning and most of her afternoon too.

Mother was sure to appreciate her dedication but taking such action was the least she could do, Mei thought to herself. She brushed her overly long fringe from her eyes with a swipe of her forearm and permitted herself a sigh of satisfaction.

Only the room that she shared with Yuzu had received a less scrupulous treatment as Mei had been fretting with the need to vacate it as soon as possible. For all intents and purposes, it was her room too but she avoided spending time in it. It felt like trespassing.

The flame-lit colours of sunset poured generously into the living area from the row of balcony windows and while the warmth still lingered, Mei felt compelled to stretch her limbs and arch her back, flexing with indifferent grace.

The light tension sewn into her body by her housework came undone and a pleasant looseness softened the muscles of her arms and shoulders. Unlike her body, her mind was growing restless with every passing minute. The sky’s shifting palette meant that Yuzu was not far from home.

She felt a tug within her chest, a pull about her lips and the flutter of transparent wings in her stomach. It was quite unreasonable and unjust for her to feel so excited but in the solitude of an empty house, indulging herself seemed safe enough as her heart alone was in peril.

Yuzu had left early that morning, even rushing her beauty routine and leaving her hair loose and bereft of decorations. Mei was not privy to her plans but knew that she would be back to see to dinner as Mother’s work was to keep her out late.

Unfortunately, preparing entire meals was still beyond her capabilities.

Heat spread under her cheeks at the thought and she swiftly untied the band holding her hair into a low ponytail. Soft, black curtains fell forward to conceal the scarlet hue about her cheeks. For as long as she could remember, Mei was compelled to act as though she was always being watched; Grandfather often spoke at length of the importance and prestige of their family name and even the most insignificant of acts could tarnish it in some imperceptible way

Family pride aside and even in the solitude of an empty house, she was unable to let go of her own personal decorum and soon the unusual tightness of a frown took hold of her features. She willed it to dissipate with a long sigh that stretched over the quiet room like a cat would.

The sun had just taken its leave when the metallic tones of the key being turned fell upon the silence like a rock in a pond. An eager catch in her breath formed a lump in her throat and without meaning to, she found herself walking toward the entrance.

Her steps retained their usual swiftness and purpose but her knees felt soft, far too soft, as she waited for Yuzu’s voice to announce her return. No announcement was spoken though and when Yuzu appeared in the living area, Mei’s heart dropped to the pit of her stomach, her own greeting dying on her lips.

She could only describe Yuzu’s appearance as quiet and colourless. Her slouched posture made her appear smaller than ever and by the vacant expression on her face, it was clear that she was lost in her own thoughts, a world or more away from the present.

“Welcome home.” Mei forced the words past her lips, they were as shards upon her dry throat.

“Thanks.” A brief gaze and a tired nod acknowledged her presence as Yuzu appeared in the doorway.

“I...I’ll make dinner in a while…” Yuzu’s voice sounded far away but her altruism moved Mei to reply that there was absolutely no hurry as she had a late lunch.

“...alright then.” A smile appeared on Yuzu’s lips then, a stifled and small one that made her appear wary and guarded. There seemed to be something broken about that smile.

Mei wished she had the courage to ask Yuzu if something was the matter. Even a less direct inquiry would serve her needs, perhaps a mundane one. Surely, asking her about her outing would not be invasive and not showing interest might be also considered rude. The words rose to her lips more than a few times but she could not bring herself to speak them. No matter how relaxed their relationship had grown during those last few days, she found herself faltering in front of those sombre and distant green eyes. It was the hue of an unreachable hill almost beyond the horizon.

As it was, the only thing she could do was nod and she did, feeling like one of Himeko-san’s dolls for a moment, perhaps just as powerless and still. Only the extravagant dress was missing.

Yuzu stepped back into the hallway and disappeared. Once she was out of sight, the tension tightening Mei’s chest came undone and she released it. Still, she followed the dragging sound of Yuzu’s footfalls as she retired into their room. The sound of the door being opened and then closed marking the end of her journey.

Mei allowed herself to become lost in thought for a minute or two before deciding that she suddenly needed to review her English textbook. There were a few grammatical points that she wished to clarify and she believed it better to nip any doubt in the bud, lest it grew into weed if left unchecked.

That particular book happened to be conveniently located in the bedroom, where Yuzu now was. Swift paced, she made her way to it, gliding slightly on the balls of her feet as her soft slippers met the freshly cleaned floor. With every step she took, her concern shifted a bit, away from the textbook and toward Yuzu.

By the time she reached the door, what to say to Yuzu was her only concern. The concept of small-talking was not foreign to her as long as the environment was a formal one but outside of that, she was as talkative as a statue. Lost as she was in her reflections, the thought of knocking at the door escaped her completely and she made her way into the room in one swift motion.

A soft yelp fled from her as she was met with the sight of Yuzu’s naked back. She stood by the mirror with a loose shirt about her arms, frozen in the motion of pulling it over her head, Mei averted her eyes as if scorched and stepped back, the motion so unruly that one of her slippers folded under her foot, making her wobbly for a second.

“Sorry! I should’ve kno-” Her embarrassment was met with a dry chuckle.

“No, no, it’s fine, really… it's fine, Mei.” Such an odd reaction prompted her curiosity to overcome her timidness and she raised her eyes to see that Yuzu had turned toward her, shirt still about her arms, though she held it close to her chest, concealing most of her upper body.

The glint of silver about Yuzu’s neck was all that Mei could see at that moment. She lost sight of it when Yuzu put the shirt on but the beautiful sparkle returned as soon as she was done and as she pulled her hair out of the collar, the ring twinkled about her neck like a star in the distance.

“I mean, it’s nothing you haven't seen before and...” A pause and the same sad smile that had tormented Mei a few minutes ago appeared again on Yuzu’s lips. “This is just normal… for sisters.”

Yuzu spoke only facts and yet Mei felt as though she had been the one caught bare.

“Yes. Of course.” She hastened to reply stepping fully into the room.

Keeping her gaze straight ahead, Mei made her way toward the small desk, her schoolbag was upon the chair. With every step she took, a subtle tremor set in her knees, her desire to appear calm and collected was yielding to the odd sensation of impending frailty and she hurried her pace.

As she went to open her schoolbag, the heavy brass clasp resisted her pull as if stuck. The setback, as small as it was, succeeded in widening her eyes and unnerving her, for the thought that the tremors might have visibly spread to her fingers agitated her.

Mei took notice of the absurdity of her reasoning with a sigh and mentally scolded herself for panicking over such small matters. A pale slender hand rose to capture a lock of hair and as was her habit, Mei rolled it between her fingers for comfort.

At a different time, such a clumsy display from her would have been met with a bold chuckle from Yuzu, one that would have earned her a dark glare and a scoff. The thought came to her as the clasp came undone and she followed it, slightly shifting on her feet to gaze furtively at Yuzu.

Yuzu had failed to take notice of her troubles, a fact that surprised her with disappointment rather than relief. She had finished changing and stood in front of the mirror, staring at her own reflection, her fingers pulling absentmindedly at the collar of her shirt. She appeared to be lost in a world of her own, a seemingly troubling one at that, if the frown on her face and the lack of sparkle in eyes were to offer any clue.

“Yuzu…”

The name was pulled from Mei by a force that she would not dare to name. A tug at her heart, a knot in her throat, a flutter in her stomach and before she could realise it and stop herself, she had called out for Yuzu. On her part, Yuzu appeared to be just as surprised but when she turned toward her, Mei could not withstand the look in her eyes: eager and hunted at the same time and waiting for her.

Her chest tightened and her mouth went dry, even if she knew what to say, she feared that no word would be able to make it past her tightly wounded throat. Instinctively, her gaze fell on the ring dangling about Yuzu’s angular collarbone.

As soon as it did, the tips of Yuzu’s fingers closed delicately around it, the deep azure of her nail polish complementing the silver quite nicely. Mei felt as though she had caught in the act of stealing but was unable to avert her eyes as the sight of Yuzu’s acknowledging the ring presence acted as a magnet.

“Mmm… maybe it’s kind of silly for me to still be wearing this.” A bashful smile appeared on Yuzu’s slightly pink face after she spoke, as if her words had not just remade their world anew, as if her voice had not been small and strained as she spoke them, as if her eyes had not just speared Mei’s heart with the intensity of their gaze.

The distance between them was made a chasm by the past resurfacing. Somewhere in the void between them, the words she needed had fallen away from her. She had so many things she wanted to tell Yuzu but verbalising them was too great an obstacle in that moment.

“...do you still have yours?”

Yuzu’s forwardness was unexpected, unlike the hurt that filled her eyes once Mei’s silence became too loud to ignore. The quiet sadness dulling the brightness of Yuzu’s eyes latched itself about Mei’s throat and tied a knot around it.

“I...yes....” Her reply was a small, broken sound that grazed her throat and only succeeded in having Yuzu avert her gaze from her. Or maybe her word had not been heard; Mei considered the possibility as her voice had felt distant to her own ears and the gap separating her from Yuzu was far too wide for such a weak reply to come across.

A sigh fled Yuzu’s lips then, it led her to raise her gaze once again. Mei found a pair of tired eyes staring at her, no trace of the brightness that used to illuminate Yuzu’s whole face could be found within them. Their verdant hue was as beautiful as ever, holding nothing but hurt.

“I keep mine close as well.” Mei pushed the words out, gathering every morsel of courage she could find within her.

Her voice had sounded harsher than she had intended, as if spoken out of rebellion, a sound meant to challenge the pain within Yuzu’s eyes and claim part of it as her own. She wanted to take back the hurt that she had caused Yuzu and she could not recall ever wanting anything else just as much. Yet, as Yuzu took a few steps toward her, now holding a storm in her eyes, Mei felt herself shrinking, only barely resisting the urge to step back by making tight fists of her hands.

“You don’t wear it anymore though, do you?” The unusual amount of snap in Yuzu’s voice stunned Mei, her strict tone was one meant to accuse rather than ask.

A pair of blazing green eyes that left her no escape pinned her in place, the hardness of the glare was akin to a punch in the stomach, it made her muscles spasm and her breath catch. She was left gaping, unable to speak or to even hold onto a thought long enough to make words of it.

There was no breaking her fall.

“I’ve worn mine every day, Mei...”

As if too agitated to commit to a single mood, Yuzu’s demeanour changed once again and her next sentence was hushed and small. She sounded far from strict, her voice held the sound of tears, sleepless nights and dropping shoulders.

“Every single day. That’s all I’m saying, Mei”

Her words were no longer shards cutting through her but the defeat within Yuzu’s tone made Mei bleed all the more. Trust that had been given so boundlessly in the past became a mirage that was too far away to even glimpse.

Silence stretched, one made of guilt and regrets, one Mei felt she had no right to break. She could only stare as Yuzu became lost in her own thoughts, now shifting nervously on her feet as if wishing to leave while not knowing where the exit was. However, when she tucked her ring behind her shirt, she did so with no hesitation.

“Yuzu…” For the second time that day Yuzu’s name was pulled from her. Just like before she found herself at the end of expectant green eyes with no follow up, no further words, much like an empty shell holding nothing but echoes.

“We’ll talk when you’re ready, Mei.” Yuzu said tersely before leaving the room at a brisk pace, her hands were balled into fists at her sides.

She could not say if Yuzu’s words were meant to offer her solace; It would be so like Yuzu to try and deliver comfort in spite of the ache in her own heart. Mei could no longer say if Yuzu would afford her such kindness though and she was too acquainted with the sound of disappointment to ignore how strongly the dreadful emotion played in Yuzu’s controlled voice.

Hearing it from Yuzu affected her in ways she had never experienced before as the pain of failure was not one she was intimately involved with. In the wake of yet another debacle of her own making, she felt as if gravity had doubled down on her; Her shoulders dropped, her back could no longer stand straight and the silver chain around her neck became unbearably heavy.

It happened without her knowledge, her hands reaching behind her neck for the clasp of her own silver chain, a clasp that failed to resist the nervous pull of her fingers and came undone all too easily. Almost afraid that it would slip away from her, she closed her fist tightly around it.

The sting of her most recent failure pricked at her eyes, yet another reminder of her inadequacy. She tucked the ring and chain into the frontal pocket of her schoolbag. She had never been separated from it since she had left and it felt like an important part of her very essence had just been wrenched away.

She had no right to wear it, she thought, now pressing her palms against her wet eyes in a bid to deny the tears gathering there. If she were to spill even a single one, Mei feared she might never stop crying. As the silence stretched all about her, she was overcome by a dreadful sense of emptiness, one that spread to claim every part of her until she was left with nothing but a void.

She had no regret over her decision to cancel the wedding with Udagawa-san but not for the first time, she found herself wondering if her life could ever have a purpose besides upholding the legacy of her family or if she would ever be able to move forward and become someone that she could be proud of. Someone that would be capable of looking Yuzu in the eye and speak her feelings without reservation.

Someone like Yuzu.

In a bid to find some comfort, she opened the closet to retrieve Kumagorou. She had noticed the bear a few days ago while searching for an extra blanket. Even though the sight of him had tugged at her heart and had almost won a smile out of her, she had resolved at the time to let the bear be.

Kumagorou was even softer than she remembered and by the fresh scent clinging to his fur, it was clear that he had been recently washed. She held onto him tightly, burying her face into its softness before closing her eyes, waiting for the familiar comfort that cuddling the bear never failed to provide to her. Her expectations were thwarted with little mercy as hugging the bear only brought her a deep sense of melancholy, one latched with the peculiar bitterness of missed opportunities.

The memories flowing through her were happy ones, such as spending a lazy evening cuddling the bear while sitting in front of the television with Yuzu, watching a show she had little understanding of. Yuzu would sometimes stop her crying to explain how tragic the tale playing on the screen was. She understood them a little better now.

All too soon it became painfully clear that she was asking too much of Kumagorou. It was not fair of her to burden him with such a dauntless task. With a sigh, Mei placed the bear upon the chair by the desk, arranging him in what she deemed to be his favourite position. She stopped to tenderly rub his head for a few moments before finally stepping away.

She cast her eyes to the window where the flames of dusk were gradually being extinguished by the night sky. As inevitable as the incoming sunset was, the sight spread a sense of foreboding within Mei. She walked to the window and rested her fingertips against the cool glass, eyes intent on avidly taking in the last drops of sunlight.

Just Right

“-- rling? Mei-chan?”

A voice tugged at the edge of Mei’s consciousness, awakening her senses to the surroundings and stealing a soundless gasp from her. Mildly disoriented, Mei shifted on her feet awkwardly; she followed the sound and turned toward the door to find Mother standing there.

She leant against the door frame with the casual easiness that Mei had learned to identify with her, arms loosely crossed over her chest and legs crossed at the ankles. As was often the case when studying one of her children, the expression on her kind face was one of affectionate bemusement. However, the tilt of her head and the intensity of her gaze betrayed a small measure of concern.

“Where were you just now, sweetie?” Mother’s voice would often feel like a caress and this time, Mei eagerly leant into it. Mother’s arrival had brought back part of the warmth that had bled out of the room the moment Yuzu left.

Not long ago, Mei would have deemed such a yearning to be childish and of no use. She had learned though, in the cold solitude of her Grandfather's mansion, that affection did not need to have a point to be of worth. It was a point all on itself.

Only then Mei realised for how long she had been standing by the window, seeing that Mother was home and the last drop of sun had long fallen from the sky. Stranded in her own mind, she had been reliving her conversation with Yuzu, frame by frame, word by word, breath by breath, changing her replies to match the truth she carried within.

“I have been wearing it everyday, Mei.”

“So have I, Yuzu.”

Such a small sentence, a few words holding the power to change her everything, if only she had spoken them as intended, with her voice and through her lips, instead of keeping them trapped in her throat.

“Sweetie, are yo--”

“Welcome home, Mother.” In a rare leap of manners, Mei cut her Mother’s question short. The last thing she wanted was to disrespect the woman but she could not gamble with the possibility of crumbling under such sweet concern.

“Thank you, darling.” Mother chuckled, shaking her head, most likely amused by her blushing cheeks. Her concerned frown soon eclipsed by the sun of a smile.

Mother was no longer gazing at her and she had bounced into the room in her typical enthusiastic fashion, her attention now on Kumagorou.

“Ah! I’m sure this big guy is happy to have you back, Mei-chan!” She squeezed one of Kumagorou’s fluffy ears affectionately before turning pensive green eyes toward Mei.

“I thought of having it delivered to you, sweetie...” She rubbed the back of her head. “...but Yuzu didn’t feel it would fit with your Grandfather’s… aesthetics.” She chuckled again, the thought of her eldest daughter brightening her face all the more.

“...he would have gotten lonely there, Mother.” The words fled her lips before she could rein them in and after them embarrassment dashed to colour her neck, she ducked her head slightly, bidding her hair to conceal her blush.

As expected, Mother did not bring attention to any of it, rather she was quick to move away from Mei's embarrassment and without warning reached to take one of her hand into hers. Only then, through their linked hands, Mei realised how excited Mother truly was, the tension in her body was one of unparalleled enthusiasm and she could barely keep still.

Surprising herself a little, Mei raised a curious eyebrow; her willingness to know the source of Mother’s happiness was as sincere as it was shy. Delighted by the silent question, Mother tugged at her hand gently and all too soon, Mei was being led out of the room and into the hallway.

“Come, Mei-chan.” Her voice carried a laugh, one that almost brought a small smile to Mei’s lips as the woman was no longer trying to contain the bounce in her step. “Mama has something to share with her precious girls.”

Perhaps Father was to be back home sooner than expected, she pondered and found herself biting her lower lip, yielding to an impulse that she would have easily curbed at any other time. Her confrontation with Yuzu had made her delicate and she could only look toward her Father’s return with a blend of uncertainty and anxiety. They were still strangers to each other and she did not know how to change that, not by herself.

Mei had to lower her eyes upon entering the living area for each and every light had been switched on. The room was flooded with brightness, like a hospital or an interrogation room.

The need to adjust her eyes had prevented her from noticing Yuzu right away but when she did, her heart stilled for what seemed like an eternity and only started again when a painful pang hit her squarely in the chest. Yuzu sat at the very edge of the couch, hands fidgeting nervously in front of her as she made sure to look anywhere but in her direction.

There was no missing Yuzu’s distress; she appeared even smaller, lost as she was in an oversized hoodie that only served to highlight how much weight she had lost. Her wandering eyes were dropping with exhaustion and the sharpness of her features betrayed an inordinate amount of tension.

To Mei’s surprise, the struggle of a smile appeared on Yuzu’s lips as soon as her eyes landed on Mother. It was then that she realised Mother to be the cause of Yuzu’s distress and worry rather than herself. Even the fact that she had not been averting her gaze from her but had barely registered her presence became clear to Mei then.

Of course. Mei thought. How selfish of me.

“Go sit next to your sister, Mei-chan.” Mother commanded her attention gently, squeezing her hand and looking at her with such affection that for a moment Mei found herself unable to move, needing to soak the warmth for as long as she could.

“Mama would like to share something with you two.” Mother said to her, now cupping her face, her labour-worn hand felt slightly rough against her cheek and it made Mei cherish the honesty of her touch all the more.

She wished to return the woman’s smile in kind but at the moment the best she could do was to heed her request. The moment she took her seat on the sofa, Yuzu adjusted herself, slightly edging away from her as though to make space where none was needed.

Mother sat on the single armchair to the side of the sofa and appeared to be lost in thought, her hands wrangling together in her lap, feet tapping the floor to no particular rhythm and one side of her lips tugged slightly upward in what Mei could only describe as a timid and contemplative smile. Now that she focused solely on her, she noticed just how pale she looked and of how dark the rings around her eyes were. She had been sleeping poorly on top of being nauseous and it was clear that the ailment she had been suffering from was more than a passing cold.

Mei shivered at the thought. She had been fixated entirely on herself and Yuzu, failing to spare Mother’s health even a single thought. She lowered her gaze in shame, focusing her eyes on the tips of her pristine slippers. She had not even bothered inquiring about Mother’s health upon seeing her, even though the night before she had been queasy.

“Girls…” Mother’s voice had Mei raise her head at once. She had no clue of what her Mother was about to say and had fallen prey to a faceless fear, one that made her shiver and creep to the edge of the sofa. “As you know, Mama’s been a little under the weather lately and-”

“Mama, you should---” Yuzu surged by her side, she was halfway on her feet when Mother bade her to sit back with a calming gesture of her hand and shushing sound.

“Mama is fine, darling.” She reassured her with a fond smile and Yuzu sat back on the couch stiffly. It was only then that Mei noticed how vivid the happiness in Mother’s eyes was.

“I went to see a doctor today and well…” She lifted her legs and stretched forward them together with her arms, her hands intertwined together. She looked very much like a satisfied cat as the beginnings of a grin began to form upon the extreme corners of her lips. Mother glanced down at her stomach

“I’m not sick, not at all, quite the contrary.” A giggle latched itself to her words and Mei found herself confused once again, even more so when she noticed how still Yuzu had grown by her side.

She stole a glance at her and was surprised to find the beginning of a smile dawning on her lips, her eyes were locked with Mother’s. Green on green. There was no room for any other colour.

“Mama…” Yuzu’s voice was thin with a wishfulness that did not dare to speak itself too loudly. “...are you?”

Mother broke into a laugh, eagerly nodding while a glint of tears gathered in her laughing eyes. What happened next befuddled Mei all the more as Yuzu left her side to throw herself at Mother. It seemed like Mother had predicted her reaction because she was ready to welcome her with open arms. Or perhaps, her instinct was just that sharp.

All that Mei could gather was that her Mother was healthy and joyful and that was all that mattered, as for the rest… Mei tilted her head, as though a different perspective would yield an answer to the obvious thing that she was missing.

After their collision of crying, cuddling and chuckling, they turned to face her.

“Don’t you see, Mei-chan?” Ume asked, wiping a tear from her oldest daughter’s eyes. “Now you’ll get to be a big sister too!”

Mei could not recall exactly what had happened next; The wave of information she had began to process left room for little else. From the fragments of memory she could piece together, she remembered her Mother giving her a hug, uttering a vague comment of congratulations and most vividly all, Yuzu offering her a smile filled with a degree of love and warmth that she had never expected to see again.

Whatever change she had foisted upon the household had been immediately forgotten, replaced with something far more significant. She did not know whether to feel terrified or exhilarated, so she settled on both.