In a previous post I mentioned that one of the things you shouldn’t say to someone struggling with infertility (IF) is “just relax” or “go on vacation.” I’m not retracting that statement. Going on relaxing vacation will not make the medical conditions affecting my fertility go away.

Having said that, taking a vacation with your significant other is a great way to get away from the all-consuming madness that IF comes with. Last week Andrew & I had the opportunity to take a short trip up to Massachusetts in celebration of our 8 year wedding anniversary (which isn’t until October). Our mini-vacation couldn’t have come at a better time! School had been kicking our butts since the semester started and we’d barely seen each other, and we were still recovering from the stress of all the failed treatments we’ve had this year while also adding the stress of going public & making the decision to pursue one IUI and then IVF. So last week we packed up the car and got lost in Massachusetts for 3 days.

The best part of the entire trip is that we only talked about IF once, very briefly, for about 3 minutes. The rest of the time was spent ogling weird things at curiosity shops in Salem, learning about pirates, eating too much delicious food, hunting ghosts, conducting our very own anthropological study at a hotel bar, and following a man dressed in period clothing around Boston while he told us about the city’s history. It was fantastic to get away from IF and all the other stressors in our lives. It was just the little getaway we needed to remind ourselves that we’re best friends and we have fun together!

You see, one of the worst things IF does is drain a relationship of laughter and fun. It’s so easy to fall into these cycles of mourning and silence and forget that your relationship isn’t actually defined by whether or not you have children. School is still stressful, IF is still awful, but getting away for a little while left us with renewed affection for one another and renewed perspective about our priorities within our marriage.

So if you’re struggling with IF (or if you’re not struggling with IF), just relax! Go on vacation, even if “vacation” means going on a hike together on a nice day, or carving out some time for a date.

What things do you do to “just relax” with your partner?