Nation of 65m people to “Take Back Control” by having fate decided by religious fundamentalists only voted for by 290k of them

The nation’s future with regard to Brexit appears to rest squarely on the shoulders of a group of religious fundamentalists voted for by less than 0.5% of the country.

With many Tory backbenchers and the ERG looking to the DUP, and the DUP still to decide whether they will back Theresa May’s revised Brexit deal, many are wondering how taking back control has come down to this.

Voter Simon Williams told us, “I wouldn’t trust Arlene Foster to do my weekly shopping, never mind decide the fate of this country for the next dozen years.

“This is a woman who thinks dinosaurs are fake, that the world is 6,000 years old and that gays are all going to burn in Hell. She shouldn’t be allowed to decide what goes on the jukebox, never mind the future of our nation.”

Others have pointed out that the situation is actually even worse than this.

Political analyst Michael Matthews told us, “In fact, the DUP are currently waiting to hear what Attorney General Geoffrey Cox thinks before they take an official position on the new deal.

“So right now, we’re essentially we’re waiting on an unelected ‘expert’ to decide if Theresa May’s revised deal will mean that some foreign judges in an international court could allow us to unilaterally leave a backstop that was our own idea in the first place. And if he decides it does, then the dinosaur-deniers who think gays are an abomination will help the government make it so by getting haunted Victorian apparition Jacob Rees-Mogg to support them.

“Isn’t democracy wonderful?”

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!