Great news, The Onion are reporting that doom metal scientists have ‘discovered the slowest riff possible’. You can watch their video report on the exciting discovery below:

- Advertisement -

Doom Metal Scientists Discover Slowest Riff Possible pic.twitter.com/hoS5ll5LH8 — The Onion (@TheOnion) February 21, 2017

*If you don’t know what The Onion is, welcome to the internet.