Local gamer Jon Garrett has bewildered website editors and community managers today by composing and publishing a 1,750 word comment explaining, in detail, how much he doesn’t care about something.

“It was astonishing, really,” confided one editor, rubbing the bridge of their nose in frustration.

“He opened with ‘Nobody cares about this’ before spiralling into a drunken rant about how much he hated the subject of the article, the way the article was written, the website itself, and then moving on to things that weren’t even tangentially related.”

“I wish I could care so much about how much I didn’t care.”

Garrett remains modest about his own talents, suggesting that he is able to remain quite productive despite putting out an average of 7-10 uncaring essays each day.

“Just yesterday I didn’t care about free-to-play games, then I didn’t care about Nintendo’s latest Zelda reboot, and then I didn’t care about Zoe Quinn not once but three times.”

“It’s extremely difficult to remain as detached and emotionless as I am at all times, but I’m not afraid of a challenge.”

Garrett has also been banned from nearly every major game website on the Internet, but he says he’s “not bothered” by this level of “censorship”.

“Haha, no, I’m not mad,” he began, drawing in a deep breath. “But it’s very disappointing to see th