I wish Vanderpump Rules had longer episodes. Or at the very least, I wish some uncensored scenes got put up online. I just want to know what really happens when it comes to the sex, drugs, and other antics. Thankfully, Tom Sandoval spilled some piping hot tea about all things Pump Rules.

Tom discussed Jax Taylor’s (alleged) drug use, Katie Maloney’s Tequila Katie moments with those infamously mean drunk texts, Scheana Marie’s divorce from Mike Shay, everyone crashing James Kennedy’s performance, and Kristen Doute’s comedy. Not only that, but Tom also shared some of his own jokes that were too much to be shown on Bravo.

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I don’t even know where to begin with this one. Tom shared a lot of good info on the Pump Rules Podcast.

Tom opened up about Kristen, her boyfriend Brian Carter, Scheana, and Jax crashing James’s music gig with the sole intent to make fun of him and (continue) to expose his extremely obvious adultery.

Tom stated, “It’s really f–ked up though. He’s already fired from SUR. He’s pretty much away from everyone. Then Kristen, Carter, Scheana, Jax, all go way out of their way to this place on Hollywood Boulevard just to troll him. It’s embarrassing. I would never do that shit. I would never. All these people made choices.”

Well yeah, but at the very least it got James some airtime for his music. I highly doubt the show would include so much of that if it wasn’t for the social controversy involved.

RELATED: The Persecution Of James Kennedy

And those SUR/Pump girls who showed up were so obviously looking for camera time in my opinion. There’s no chance in hell that they were innocently misled by James.

Tom echoed my thoughts when he said, “If they slept with James when he had a girlfriend, they cannot for one f–king second act like they didn’t know he had a girlfriend. I mean, James posts everything on social media.” Exactly. Plus I’m also confused by why so many women are publicly admitting to sleeping with James. Why not just leave that in the past and act like it never happened?

Aside from the continued hatred toward James, another ongoing story line this season is everyone calling out Katie for her behavior. Unfortunately, this season has not been a good look for her and a big part of that has to do with her Tequila Katie alter ego. I have no idea why, but everyone just bows down to Katie this season and defends this behavior. I get that there is obviously a lot more to her that the viewers don’t see and I’m sure that a lot of those aspects are good, but unfortunately the positive elements rarely make for good TV. So, unfortunately for Katie, a lot of her edit includes bridezilla behavior and harsh drunk texts.

Tom laid out the situation pretty clearly: “Here’s the thing: if Katie is at home watching movies with [Tom] Schwartz, I don’t get mean texts. People don’t get mean texts. It’s after she’s been out.” Tom also added, “I’ve gotten texts before that said me and Ariana [Madix] are the source of all her and Schwartz’s fights. What a ridiculous thing to say to somebody. And that’s not coming from somebody that’s f–king sober, I’m sorry to say.”

The best part of Tom’s interview was when he talked about what we did not get to see from Jax’s birthday roast. Tom admitted, “I tried to stay away from the ‘how many girls’ because I knew everybody was gonna go that route, but I knew people weren’t going to talk about drugs, so I knew I was definitely going to talk about drugs.” YES. Finally: someone keeping it real.

RELATED: Eternal Damnation

One thing that got cut from the episode was a joke that Tom directed toward Brittany Cartwright’s mom Sherri Cartwright: “Sherri, I heard the other day you asked Jax if he found a church out here. Dude can’t even find the f–king bag of coke he bought five minutes ago.” I really wish that one made the show. I would have loved to see how everyone reacted to that gem.

Tom also supposedly joked, “That septum is deviated alright with baby laxative residue, partially told lies, and fragments of one hundred dollar bills.” Tom also added, “He kicked in the door and said ‘I can’t find my teeth’ and how it’s ‘always allergy season’.” The host cut in and said he was at the roast and overheard Sherri say, “Oh yeah, he’s always sneezing.” Tom sarcastically added, “Oh yeah, mid-December is bad allergy season.”

Speaking of jokes, apparently Tom is not a fan of his ex Kristen’s comedy. Tom stated, “Kristen was never really funny. She was never somebody who made me laugh. Ever. I can think of numerous times where Kristen was super caring or like motherly to other people or other many positive things, but I can’t actually think of one time when Kristen actually made me laugh. Not one time.”

I personally disagree. Kristen is hilarious – not always on purpose, but she always gets in on the joke when it’s about her.

The interviewer asked why Tom and Ariana did not go to Kristen’s comedy show that she put on with with Pump Rules friend Rachael O’Brien. Tom explained, “Some of Kristen and Rachael’s friends are not just kind of trolls, but they’re full blown angry trolls. They were waiting on the sides if we showed up.They had this whole thing they were gonna do with me and Ariana. It was apparently pretty intricate.”

Related: Tom And Ariana Talk Vanderpump Rules

Apparently this isn’t the only time Tom and Ariana have faced some trolls. Tom shared, “When we were on Watch What Happens Live too, apparently there were some people that were gonna call in. Somebody tweeted at Ariana warning her that they were going to call in like ‘I just want to ask Ariana how she does her hair.'” And then the interviewer cut in, “Full blown divert with something they didn’t clear with the screener.” Tom confirmed that with, “Yeah.”

Well, that’s shady as hell. I’m curious about why/how that’s pinned on Kristen exactly, but then again this is the same woman who got in touch with a stranger from Miami and persuaded her to confront Tom while he was in the middle of working a shift at SUR.

One topic that Tom can’t really shed light on is how Mike Shay is doing these days. Tom admitted, “Yeah, I haven’t actually talked to Shay. I think he has a different phone number now. I think he and Scheana were on the same phone plan and so she like took him off. I totally understand that. I don’t want to take sides.”

I wish Tom kept it one hundred on Vanderpump Rules. I have no idea if he tries to say these things and they get cut out (like with the roast jokes) or if he’s just trying to keep things appropriate for TV, but I would love to see all of these accusations play out on the show.

TELL US – WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE DRUG JOKES GETTING CUT FROM JAX’S ROAST? DO YOU THINK ALCOHOL IS A FACTOR IN KATIE’S BEHAVIOR THIS SEASON? DO YOU THINK KRISTEN HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE CALLERS TRYING TO SABOTAGE TOM AND ARIANA’S WWHL APPEARANCE? IS KRISTEN FUNNY?



[Photo Credit: Charles Sykes/Bravo]