AIKEN, SC—Demonstrating a total absorption in himself and his anatomy, narcissist Jesse Serrano is convinced that total strangers would actually want his organs, sources confirmed Thursday. “It was easy enough to sign up when I got my license, so I figured, why not?” said the pathologically self-obsessed man, who reportedly sincerely believes that people he has never met before would be willing, even grateful, to have his liver, heart, or lungs replace their own. “I mean, it’s not like I’m gonna need my organs when I’m gone.” The raging egomaniac, certain that everything inside another person’s body would be greatly improved if it were his, also told reporters that he already donated blood.

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