A Personal Experience of The Lovely & The Ugly of Being a “Halfie”:

“Where are you from?” is the often question that puts a little panic in my chest. The question that I often have to ponder as well. Do I choose one nationality to say or both? Do I want to explain my origins or just stick to a simpler answer?

Coming from two completely culturally different countries, I was surprisingly brought up to know and understand both of my cultures equally. My mother, who is Serbian, spoke only Serbian to me as a kid, and taught me the history of Yugoslavia, the traditions of Slava and spent every summer with me in Serbia. My father, who is Chinese, spoke only Chinese to me as a kid, and taught me the history of the Qing dynasty, the traditions of The Dragon Boat festival and spent every Chinese New Year with me in our hometown in China.

I was raised to know both languages well and raised to respect and value my cultural identity and traditions from each side of the family. However, as I grew older, I began to realize the lack of understanding there was for us “halfies” (a “halfie” as I would define it would be a child from parents that are from two different countries and often cultures). Simply put, there was a lack of understanding of how one can be both at the same time.

Instilling a feeling of never belonging to one or the other.

In Shanghai, where I lived for 15 years, I was often a “Lao-Wai” (literal translation is old foreigner) because I do not look completely Chinese. When I referred to myself as both Serbian and Chinese, the Chinese side was overlooked and I was often asked to choose which culture is better. This simply never made sense to me. Why do I always have to choose? Why can’t I be both? Occasionally, even my Chinese family would make remarks about how I am a foreigner who does not understand complex Chinese idioms that they use on a daily basis.

More often than not, when I introduce that I am also Serbian, most people do not even know where it is. Hence, my hesitation of introducing myself as both.

In Serbia, I am often seen as only Chinese, because in Serbia I do not look Serbian enough. Here, if I refer to myself as Serbian and Chinese, the Serbian side is overlooked. It is not uncommon that people judge me based on my smaller than average eyes or my thicker eyebrows. Here, they unsee my rather Slavic nose and my fluent Serbian. I am in fact a foreigner in my country once again. The questions on how to say something in Chinese or comments on how weird Chinese food and culture is haunt me whenever I introduce myself.

As a loyal lover to both of my countries, I am often upset and angered that none of my cultures can accept that I am both. Both all the time, not one at a time.

Not to be only pessimistic, there are in fact good sides to being mixed. I pride myself in knowing two very difficult languages from birth. I am privileged in a way that I get to know two cultures first-hand at an in-depth level. At 10 months old I already traveled to both Serbia and China. I have experienced more celebrations and holidays. Even if all my career passions fail, I can always pull through as a translator.

However, it is still difficult when people ask “so where is home? Serbia or China?” I never know how to answer because it does not feel like home in either country. In hopes of finding empathy, I looked online and discovered a sub-reddit for mixed race people and found that I am not alone. Halfies often experience feeling different, or like they do not belong.

In becoming aware that it is ordinary to feel this way, I realized that I have nothing to be ashamed of and that I should be nothing but proud of being a halfie.

So where am I from? Serbia and China. Both at the same time.

Where is home? Home is within me. Home is everywhere and anywhere.

Note: This is only a personal experience, not all mixed people are the same nor do they feel the same. All definitions are also personal definitions.