MILES: Happy St. Patrick’s Day.

JILL: I’ve never been happy.

They rotate scroll wheels.

* * *

ALBERT: Why is everything the way that it is?

ED: We elected a tablet President.

ALBERT: Why did we do that?

ED: Our tablets told us to.

ALBERT: Why did they do that?

ED: Do you want there to be a premise here or what?

* * *

JILL: I miss the days when there was a thing called luck.

NADIA: What was it?

JILL: It made life unpredictable. To have it, you had to wear green.

NADIA: Is “green” a shade of beige? I prefer these days, in which technology gives each of us a personalized ironic fate.

A DRIVERLESS* CAR comes out of nowhere and strikes NADIA.*

JILL: We both got what we thought we wanted.

* * *

AIDE: Sir, your drunken St. Patrick’s Day indiscretions are all over social media.

PRICE: Which network?

AIDE: The only one we have. Close your eyes and you’ll see.

PRICE: Oh, yeah. Can we do damage control?

AIDE: No. You’ve been deëlected in real time.

PRICE: I suppose total democracy has benefits but also drawbacks.

AIDE: You have to live in a cube now.

* * *

SUNIL: Want to form a human connection?

ED: I’d rather make microtransactions on the eye-closing social media.

ED* closes his eyes. SUNIL closes his eyes, too, but in despair.*

* * *

JOHN: I feel sad. Let’s become drunk.

JOHN* and MOLLY put electronic devices on their necks that make their brains feel as if they are drunk.*

JOHN: That was good. I want to become sober again.

They put the electronic devices onto their necks and become sober again.

JOHN: The way we do things now is better than before.

MOLLY: Or maybe worse?

JOHN: I honestly hadn’t considered that.

* * *

PATRICK: Empathy.

ED: Handheld devices.

PATRICK: Empathy.

ED: Handheld devices.

PATRICK: Handheld devices?

ED: Handheld devices.

PATRICK: Handheld devices.

* * *

ANDREA: I saw a four-leaf clover today.

OWEN: I thought those were extinct.

ANDREA: We all did. I’ll send you the picture I took with my implant.

OWEN: I’ve got no space left.

ANDREA: Maybe delete every memory of your dead wife?

OWEN: Sure, why not.

OWEN* blinks rapidly.*

OWEN: I think I did it.

ANDREA: You just beamed me the video of your entire life.

OWEN: Whoops.

ANDREA: Minus your dead wife, of course.

OWEN: Who?

* * *

We see RICHARD* in a small room with a screen.*

SCREEN: Welcome to prison. You will live here the rest of your life because you tried to smash a screen.

RICHARD* tries to smash SCREEN, but it’s unsmashable.*

SCREEN: Here’s an image of your newborn daughter, whom you’ll never meet.

RICHARD (grabbing at SCREEN*)*: Ahh! Ahhhhh!

An AUDIENCE* watches on its screens.*

AUDIENCE: Oh, hell yes. This is the good shit.

* * *

A holographic advertisement plays on a really thin television.

JEFF: Do you like this Guinness ad?

SUNIL: I love this Guinness ad.

JEFF: Me, too. I love it more than my family.

JEFF’S* FAMILY is huddled in a corner, starving.*

A DELIVERY* MAN rolls in a keg.*

DELIVERY MAN: Here’s the Guinness you just now ordered.

JEFF: Put it in the corner, on my family.