Rule #1. Don’t tell anyone!

That’s right; you are not going to tell ANYBODY that you have been bitten. The other people in your party will not understand, so for the time being it is best to keep this to yourself. Just rest for a little while and don’t do anything that you might regret later.

Cover the wound; remove any bone fragments or teeth that are readily apparent. Change any bloody clothing. A bloody, torn shirt sleeve is a dead giveaway, so you need to change any damaged clothing before anybody sees you. Wash your hands and face. Make sure there is no visible blood on your hands, neck, arms, or in your hair. Rinse your mouth out as well as around your eyes. Take a deep breath. Everything is going to be fine. Return to your group and act casual.

After a zombie bite has occurred, the majority of people will make a full recovery without the need for any medical assistance. For this reason, there is no need for you to seek any medical attention, or any attention at all, for that matter. It is unnecessary and will only bring about panic and unease from your companions.

Rule #2. Go where there are lots of people.

At this time, it would be a good idea for you to proceed to a well-populated area, such as a shopping mall, airport, or hospital. Having lots of other healthy, living people around you will cause feelings of relaxation, and help you forget about any zombies that may or may not have bitten you. It’s barely even a bit, more like a scratch, really. You can probably slap a bandage on there and it should heal up nicely.

Find the spot nearest to your current location that has the most people, go to that place, and have a seat somewhere comfortable. Take some time to rest your feet, and try not to think about zombies, because by this time you will almost certainly not be turning into one. If there is a soda machine nearby, get yourself a cool beverage to aid in your relaxation.

Rule #3. Wait a while.

While continuing to not tell anybody that a zombie bit you, take this time to get comfortable in your new location. The more living people you see around, the better. If anyone asks if you are feeling ok, or tells you that you look pale, just tell them not to worry and that you ate a bad taco.

If you begin to feel tired or sick at all, lie down and close your eyes. Try to get some sleep. Everything is going to be fine, and you will feel much better after a short nap. It is quite all right for you to take a nap on the floor, wherever you are, and as you drift off to sleep, you might wonder if you were ever bitten at all, or if it was just some sort of taco hallucination.

Well there you have it! If you ever find that you or one of your friends has been bitten by a zombie, remember: STAY CALM! Most zombie bites are not very serious, and the zombie virus is not nearly as contagious as the evening news makes it out to be. It’s not a bit deal, it’s the 21st century, lots of people get bitten by zombies.

With all of these things in mind, you still shouldn’t tell anyone! Just get cleaned up, make your way to a well-populated area, and rest for a while. Naps are recommended. Follow these simple steps, and you will be well on your way to a speedy recovery, and you’ll even have a cool new story to tell your friends at the bar.