RuPaul watches as they run lines. Jinkx is Italian, Alyssa is Romanian, and Coco is the help. Yeah, this bodes well.

Miss Alyssa is living for her gig, translating her mirror faces into telenovela realness, though as always, Coco's not buying what Alyssa's selling. The incorrigible RuPaul continues shit-stirring, comparing Alyssa and Coco's relationship to The Turning Point (now in my Instant Queue, thanks Ru!), but Alyssa and Coco prefer Tyra Banks and Naomi Campbell.

Meanwhile, Rolaskatox will square off against Colyssinkx (the new remedy that flushes out boogers fast!).

However, RuPaul wastes no time undermining the team's confidence, bringing up Rolaskatox as a "crutch" and reading Detox for enjoying some post-trigger levity in their challenge preparation. Ru's in kind of a shady-bitch mood today, isn't she? After the critique, Detox decides to leave her ugly-virgin mask behind and trade roles with Roxxxy, casting herself as the maid instead.

She warms up as they start rehearsing, though, and all three are having fun by the time Ru comes for the werkroom walkthrough.

Rolaskatox is reunited, in name if not spirit. After that harrowing mini-challenge, I don't begrudge Detox her choice of any damned team she wants, but Alaska doesn't share this sentiment, worried that her goofball teammates are going to repeat the overconfident, underwhelming performance they gave in "Can I Get an Amen?" a few episodes ago.

Detox and Alyssa win the mini-challenge--I'm still not sure of the judging criteria, but let's never play that mini-challenge again, please--and we all know what it means when a mini-challenge has two winners! Coco had presciently hoped that this wouldn't be a team challenge (probably remembering that "Frenemies" was last year's Top Six), but six is too divisible, and Detox and Alyssa are asked to choose teams for a telenovela challenge.

We're only shown a few seconds of each performance, and the whole affair is disconcerting even before we reach Detox. The mini-challenge has turned into a trigger for Detox, whose ex-boyfriend died two years ago, and Detox shares this story instead of something fictional. The other performances suddenly feel like a mockery of actual pain, and the exercise ends quickly after that.

...and are meant to, what exactly? Give overly-dramatic comedy accompanied by faked tears? Deliver an unironically dramatic performance to make the rest of the room cry too? Marry an emotionally-wrought monologue about a trans woman character with the phrase "bearded lady?"

Top Six! SheMail! RuPaul introduces The Crying Game, the least-comfortable mini-challenge ever. (Even more uncomfortable than watching Morgan McMichaels barf up her Chicken or What and then force herself to continue eating? I think yes.) The queens sit in the Cher-ing Circle...

Meanwhile, Jinkx wants to finish what Coco started in last episode's Untucked, regarding Coco dismissing Jinkx as a "comedy queen." At this point in the evening, though, neither of them wants a fight, just the last word; if Coco had come for Jinkx again, they'd have broadcast it. The dramatic music would indicate otherwise, but the utter exhaustion in the werkroom is palpable from all the queens, and every minute wasted fighting is one fewer minute of desperately-needed sleep. Roll credits!

Alyssa lays out her mantra for the episode: "I'm a performer. This is what I do." (Alyssa, like me, still has " Runway Girl " stuck in her head from Week Two.) Alyssa loves to perform and she loves to compete, and when they're married into one? It's possible that Alyssa enjoys lip synching for her life more than any other queen who's ever come to RuPaul's Drag Race. The other queens are incredulous that she's unshaken by her second lip synch in a row.

I know we only skipped one week, but the last episode feels like a lifetime ago, doesn't it? We're back in the werkroom after "Scent of a Drag Queen" judging, fewer one friendly face.

¡Ay, caramba! Dig out your craft-store hair-flowers, woven ponchos, and Taco Bell Chihuahua impersonations, because this week, we're prancing south of the border!

Choosing costumes, Alyssa briefly considers mopping Jinkx's week-six runway dress for her costume, then chooses another of Jinkx's dresses to wear instead. It doesn't fit, but she wears it anyway. It's the first in a string of affronts to Alyssa's dignity that she'll put herself through today.

Before they head to filming, RuPaul announces that the runway category this week is Latina Glamorosa Eleganza! Cha-cha-cha and aieeee-aie-aie-aie and all that!

On-set, Team Detox's filming session goes fairly well. They're asked to pick up the pace a couple times, and they have trouble connecting their fake-slaps, but their performances are delightfully overwrought and, on the whole, solid.

Detox has eschewed that off-putting mask for big ole incongruous white sneakers.

Alyssa's team has a little more trouble. Over-the-top sketch comedy is right up Jinkx's alley, but Alyssa and Coco fall flat, especially next to Jinkx.

Alyssa and Jinkx find themselves competing to give the best faked orgasm. (Season six mini-challenge!) While Jinkx's shrieking and chair-humping is hysterical, in every sense of the term, Alyssa's performance is left wanting. My friend Adrienne had the most apt comparison: Alyssa served Wicked Witch Melting Realness. She's clearly feeling self-conscious, and I dearly want to get her a couple cocktails so she can let go and give this performance properly.

Coco and Wilmer, meanwhile, both deliver performances worthy of a miscast high school play. It's hilarious, but not intentionally so.

"And now I will gesture to the left, and that means we will walk to the left! Wave goodbye to the corpses!"

And that's a wrap!

Dawn rises on Elimination Day, and the queens speculate that Alyssa is running out of wardrobe, a claim she vehemently denies.

Meanwhile, Roxxxy and Alyssa try to talk Jinkx out of her Dia de los Muertos look. However, it's an excellent week for Jinkx to take a big swing on the runway, since she knows she nailed the main challenge, and Jinkx wisely ignores the nay-saying.

Sidebar: sometimes I get caught up, thinking about the ethics of producing a show like this. It's not just RuPaul's Drag Race, but every competitive reality show: the producers intentionally isolate people from their support networks, put them in high-stress situations, and don't let them get enough sleep. From a mental health standpoint, this is a straightforward recipe for inducing psychological trauma. It's purposeful: people living at heightened stress levels for weeks at a time start to lose perspective, forget to filter their thoughts, and react to conflict more explosively--which is to say, it creates good television. The side effect, though, is that buried emotional trauma starts to bubble up, whether you want it or not.

All of which is to say: Detox made it clear that she didn't intend to unpack her ex-boyfriend's death at this moment in the biggest competition of her life, any more than Roxxxy wanted to address her mother leaving with the cameras rolling a few weeks ago. If there's a silver lining, though, it's that Detox and Roxxxy are sharing this moment; the sisterhood of RuPaul's Drag Race is one forged, in part, through the experience of shared trauma.

Okay. Let's all take a deep breath and hit the runway!

RuPaul looks dazzling, serving up iridescent Siamese Fighting Fish Fantasy.

Best Breasts on Panel awarded to Michelle Visage.

Category is: Latina Glamorosa Eleganza! Commence. Shake. DOWN.

Awkward question: is Detox running out of wardrobe? Those circular mega-sequins weren't part of the original outfit, and the sombrero feels a bit like Mystique's attempt to turn mall-wear into "country" by adding a cowboy hat. Detox looks like the featured hostess at the On The Border Tex-Mex Cantina. As always, though, her paint is striking and her body is right.

Roxxxy looks good. She's painted beautifully, and though I'm less sold on her styling, she's working the hell out of that dress and corset. Not for the first time, if Roxxxy were a judge, she'd win Best Breasts on Panel this week.

Alaska is too damned cute, with her ruffled high-low dress and maracas. She looks gorgeous as always, and I'm still more-in-love with this queen every week.

Like I've said before, I don't have an eye for fashion, but this really wasn't that bad, was it? The whackadoodle over-the-shoulder-lei was distracting, sure, and the bodice was maybe over-busy, and the distressed bottom of the skirt... okay, actually, maybe it was that bad. Still, though, from the neck up, Alyssa looked flawless.

This is, by far, my favorite look Coco has ever sent down the runway. The color is lovely, it moves beautifully on her, and it's thematically successful as Latina Glamorosa Eleganza without bopping us over the head with a falling piñata. Honestly, I think Coco has been holding back on her best looks: she's got most of her wardrobe hidden in garment bags, and I'm sure this is just one of several truly exquisite pieces in her back pocket. I think we're going to start seeing some of Coco's best wardrobe very soon.

We're gonna see it.

*dramatic pause*

If she doesn't go home first.

Jinkx's Sugar Skull Fantasy is a swing and a hit! The corset and hair styling are gorgeous, and if any of the other costume elements are a bit Spirit Halloween, they're more than compensated-for by that stunning make-up job. This is the sort of bold, brilliant, take-no-prisoners look that earned Raja and Sharon more than a couple wins, and if more queens this season took successful risks like this, it would feel like a tighter race for the crown.

Time to see the final results of the telenovelas! First, Ella No Es Dama.

It was actually pretty great! The editors took the queens' over-dramatic mugging, slapping, and dying to edit together some funny sequences, and Detox's lost-in-translation line "I am carrying his baby, dos!" cracked me up. Based on their performances, the only person in this scene who should lip synch is Wilmer Valderama.

On the runway, the judges are underwhelmed by Detox's look, and I think I liked her telenovela performance more than they did. The judges liked Roxxxy's affected turn as the pregnant daughter, and Santino loves Roxxxy's make-up (Roxxxy confesses it's the least make-up she's worn thusfar). Alaska's gift for comedy is recognized again, and she gets thumbs-up all around.

Next up, Casa de Locas.

(I have no idea why my GIF process results in that purple wall freaking out next to Jinkx, but it kinda adds to the drama of the moment, right?)



Jinkx is hilarious; I'm watching the episode for the third time and still crack up at her "Nooooooooooooo! ...now that you mention it, we never talk about food," and her hissing, possessed "Hhhhhhhhhhhhilde!" Alyssa's accent is nigh-unintelligible, though her expressions are funny, and Coco is ...well, she's over-acting, but not in a way that works for the scene.

But also, y'know, this happened!

On the runway, the judges read Alyssa to filth, and Alyssa essentially tells them: as a drag queen, my job is to get on stage and lip-synch and dance, and that's the entertainer I am, and I'll turn that gig out for you every single night from here through the finale, if you'll let me. I understand the point Alyssa's making, but it's possible that Alyssa doesn't understand the point RuPaul's Drag Race is making.

The judges like Coco's runway, but didn't care for her telenovela performance. They love Jinkx's performance and runway alike, and Maria Conchita Alonso gives us an adorable little O of her own.

The girls are sent away to Interior Illusions, and there are no cocktails--they're drinking Absolut Tune, which is (I am not shitting you, this is true) a carbonated mix of vodka and white wine.

"Now drive that down sorority row!"

It's revealed that all five other queens named Alyssa as the weakest link, and she's sweet and unfazed about it. Alaska and Roxxxy declare that Santino's "worst dress ever" designation was a hell of a stretch. The queens have a totally civil, pleasant conversation about Alyssa's competition mindset, overlaid with hilariously dramatic music. (Seriously: tune out the manufactured pauses, tune out the out-of-context confessionals, tune out the sound effects. It's a sane, sweet, completely undramatic conversation.)

It's also revealed that everybody except Detox named Jinkx in response to RuPaul's question, "Who's the biggest threat here?" It's like watching the past catch up to the present: we at home have been seeing it for weeks (and some (like *cough* me) declared Jinkx the odds-on favorite before the season even began), but now Jinkx's dominance has become clear from within the bubble of competition too.

The Big Pink Furry Box has Jessica "Oh I love that drink!" Wild! I miss that wacky magical creature, who rivals Detox for the best Exposition Chicken this show has ever seen. (nb: I have now referenced that particular episode three times in this recap. Truly, "Country Fried Queens" is one of the best episodes in RuPaul's Drag Race history. But I digress.) She teaches the girls how to be hilariously over-dramatic, and it is pointless and silly and absolutely delightful!

Then we get to hear Alyssa try her grunting petite mort again, followed by Coco's breathy, squeaky ohmyGAWD-laden impression. Alyssa says that Coco is "Squirping like a chirping like a bird!" I want to thank Alyssa for adding "squirping" to my vocabulary. Jinkx's vodka-wine is kicking in, and she volunteers the information, "I'll be the first to say it! I am ugly when I fuck."

This screenshot is from much earlier in the episode, but now feels like the right moment to include it.

And on that note, it's time to split the group between Interior Illusions and the Gold Bar for some obligatory gossip. Roxxxy, Detox, and Jinkx grouse about Alyssa, and hope for a Coco-Alyssa LSFYL throwdown. Detox has a note of gravitas in her voice when she says, "How crazy is that? It would be both of their third time in the bottom two." I think she's done the same math we have: the Coco-Alyssa lip synch will, regardless of its outcome, represent the first time in RuPaul's Drag Race history that a queen has survived three lip synchs without reaching Top Three as a result.

We cut to Interior Illusions, where Alaska, Alyssa, and Coco are discussing Alyssa's dubious resemblence to Kardashians. (I'm not doing a side-by-side, because I don't know anything about Kardashians except for what I learn from The Soup each week.) More talk about how Jinkx is the queen to beat, and how Roxxxy's making plans to do that, and the editing feels completely transparent: we're definitely being primed for a Jinkx-Roxxxy Top Two, aren't we?

Back to the runway. Roxxxy is safe, Alaska is safe, and Jinkx brings home her second win! She wins a pair of faux fur coats and the distinction of being the first queen this season to (finally!) win a second challenge. Yay!

Detox is also safe, leaving Alyssa and Coco to tweet an apology to Mexico lip synch for their lives.

And what a lip synch! Both Coco and Alyssa brought their double-plus-A-GAME, mamas. After this performance, either of them would have rightfully earned that aforementioned distinction of record-holding lip synch survivor. I shrieked as Coco set a new bar on this show for tight, and I shrieked even more at Alyssa's jump-spin-split. At the Atlanta viewing party, I realized exactly how epic this lip synch was becoming, and pulled out my phone to catch the bar's reaction. The picture's not worth anything but the audio says it all.

Screaming, applause, somebody (maybe me?) gasping, "Oh shit!" Even now, I've rewatched that lip synch probably a dozen times, and I'm still hungry to watch it again. I've never wanted to see a full, unedited LSFYL more.

But we've already had one non-elimination, and both of these queens are on Lip Synch Number Three, and somebody has to go home. Alyssa sashays, and you know what? I'm going to miss her gig like crazy, always and forever.



Next week: it's the drag-a-random-amateur episode, with gay veterans! God bless America! Follow me on Twitter in the meantime. Thanks for reading, darlings!