Graphista Tue 23-Apr-19 16:59:21

Your dns response to his grans questioning/pointing out his ill mannered lack of consideration makes him seem even worse than I think many of us thought possible!



My grans quite honestly if any of their grandchildren had behaved like that would have been thrown out quite possibly getting a clip behind the ear on the way!



Certainly they'd have been left in no uncertain terms how little the gran would have thought of their actions and response!



And wtf is your brother playing at saying nothing to the aptly named pompous prat?!



Arrogant, selfish little sod!



As I said in a previous post, and I think others did too, don't be doing him any favours from now on and don't feel you have to hold back in telling him exactly what you think!



Sod civility now - he clearly doesn't give a shit! And he clearly is too thick skinned to understand more subtle reactions anyway!



Get in touch with him ASAP to tell him you are not a bloody free taxi service for delivering his gran to the wedding you're not even welcome to either! If he wants her to attend but NOT you and your family then HE and his fiancée arrange suitable transport for her. THEY chose these circumstances inc the venue THEY need to make arrangements to accommodate that.



Quite honestly I can see your mum very soon telling them to get knotted too! And this appalling decision of theirs leading to a major family rift.



That WILL NOT be anyone's fault but his and his fiancés and indirectly your brothers.



I feel it's possible your brother feels stuck in the middle BUT he didn't need to be, I suspect he knows his son is completely out of order but is too gutless to say so! Same goes for DNs mother to be honest.



As I said before they've done a piss poor job of raising him!



Not just in terms of the wedding but also I agree with others he's a Fucking idiot for prioritising an unnecessarily naff showy wedding over a house deposit.



"Do you think DB1 didn't say anything because he's too embarrassed?" He bloody ought to be!



He needs to grow the fuck up!!



At this point I wouldn't even send a card and I'd be making it clear to him he owes everyone he's offended a genuine apology before they'll take any more to do with him. Though by the sounds of things that is highly unlikely as he sounds arrogant enough to not accept he's done anything remotely wrong! In which case he's no loss to your life.



As for the "quiet fiancée" quiet doesn't necessarily mean decent person, I think it entirely possible you'll now discover she has snob tendencies and she is quite possibly behind this at the very least she's agreed to it, despite your all welcoming her warmly into the family until this point.



Support your mum in whatever she decides - but be clear with her that can include her not going, she doesn't have to go if it's difficult for her to get there and she's not going to feel comfortable while there.



Speak to your brother re he should be making sure his mother is well looked after IF she decides to go.



Speak to your "D"n calmly but assertively telling him his behaviour is out of order, you and your family are hurt and disappointed by his actions AND his response to the issue being raised, that you're not a free taxi service to facilitate their awkward and inconsiderate arrangements for the wedding and that frankly you feel this leaves you very clear that they don't think much of you at all and as such should not expect the previously close relationship and support to continue. Don't accept any insufficient excuses or non apologies. Hold your ground.



You will feel better for getting your point across and he will then be unable to claim in the future that he didn't know how you felt or that he'd fucked up! Because you'll have told him.



There's a time to be the bigger person and a time to tell people when they've taken the piss! This is the latter.



There's a poster who's name escapes me right now who rightly says the reason cheeky fuckers (and he IS a cheeky fucker) get away with it is because people are too polite to call them on their shit!



If I were his dad at this point I'd be absolutely steaming into him for being selfish, inconsiderate, grabby and demanding - and be giving him the bollocking of his life for how he spoke to your mum! Why he didn't do so at the time I don't know!



I'm 46 I lost my last gran just a few years ago if I'd EVER dared speak to her like that my parents would have gone through me like a rocket!! I'd have been lifted out of her house so fast my feet would barely have touched the ground and I'd have been told in no uncertain terms to quit being a dick, been matched right back in to give an instant and genuine apology and made to understand that was a COMPLETELY unacceptable way to treat her.



Mind you both grans would have likely done the same! They weren't ones to be messed with!



But...it isn't something I've ever experienced because I've been raised better than to do this.



One cousin came CLOSE to being rude to gran once in their late moody teens, my uncle their dad whisked them out the house and put a flea in their ear and they sheepishly returned and apologised and never did it again - and that was just for being a moody, curt, monosyllabic teen!



Frankly this guy will be lucky if any of you take much to do with him at all after this!



"I’m really interested to know what your history/relationship is with him as an adult? You see him every week at your mum’s, but is that because he’s there to see his gran?



If he was asked, how do you think HE thinks he gets on with you? What do you think he’d say about you? Is there more to this?" He's a grown ass adult! A father, if he doesn't want to spend time with his family nobody's holding a gun to his head! IF there's more to this he should have had the spine to



A deliver the invites personally



B explain why they were evening only



C following the discussion with his gran Sunday to have called his relatives and put his side of things.



So far he's dodged dealing with anyone directly about the invites, refused to give an explanation, hidden behind his father and been extremely rude indirectly to yourself and family and DIRECTLY to his gran.



Fucking appalling behaviour.



"I sort of feel sorry for DB1" why? He's brought this on himself!



"His "boys" have always been the apple of his eye and he's bent over backwards for them" and this is how! He's raised spoilt brats and is now reaping what he sowed.



His age is no excuse, I was younger when I got married and knew not to be a classless ignorant twat!