After his Arkansas Razorbacks thrashed former rival Texas in the 2014 Texas Bowl, Coach Bret Bielema described the victory as “borderline erotic.”

Generally those descriptions do not apply to sports, let alone an intense, football game. If nothing else, they were best read with a chuckle and an eye roll.

Well, the former Iowa team captain and assistant coach tossed out another verbal doozy on Tuesday, this one in the direction of his old conference. At the SEC’s spring meetings, Bielema proposed an SEC-Big Ten Challenge spanning two weekends. While we suspend reality for a few minutes (because it never would happen in football), let’s actually consider the notion of the nation’s two most powerful leagues going head-to-head on the gridiron.

These regions have been rivals for well over 200 years. Luckily, the flag-waving and fireworks have kept to the football field for the last century. But if a football challenge were to occur in early September, you might as well play a doubleheader in Gettysburg.

Hyperbole aside, let’s ponder the idea of such a challenge. Who would play whom and where (and rule out neutral sites). Never mind that the more realistic idea is for the autonomous Power Five to deregulate spring football to allow practices against another team (and generate a ton of untapped revenue). But let’s dream away for 14 regular-season games that includes this slate:

Michigan at Alabama — After Jim Harbaugh’s comments on Nick Saban, this match-up at Bryant-Denny actually might ignite another Civil War.

Tennessee at Michigan State — Vols Coach Butch Jones hails from Michigan, went to school at Ferris State and coached at Central Michigan for 10 years. It wouldn’t matter in East Lansing that day.

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Ohio State at Florida — Urban Meyer coached the Gators to a pair of national titles, including one against his current Buckeyes. Same deal as Jones, no homecoming.

Arkansas at Wisconsin — Highly doubtful State Street will have a parade for Bret Bielema’s Madison return. But there will be brats.

Iowa at Ole Miss — A match made in tailgate heaven: the Big Ten’s biggest drinkers at the Grove.

Texas A&M at Nebraska — These two are united more in their mutual disdain for Texas than for their collective Big 12 nostalgia.

Northwestern at Georgia — One team has a coach named Smart and the other has players filled with smarts.

LSU at Penn State — They could argue for hours about who has the best night atmosphere and neither would be wrong.

Indiana at Kentucky — These border foes once played annually for a Bourbon Barrel. Sounds about right.

South Carolina at Maryland — A million years ago they were in the same conference. They both upgraded.

Rutgers at Mississippi State — There’s nothing more stark for the urban Scarlet Knights than a trip to Starkville, Miss.

Auburn at Minnesota — If only this game could happen in mid-November. At night.

Illinois at Missouri — This was a fairly heated Labor Day ‘Arch Rivalry’ in St. Louis. It nearly became a Big Ten series.

Vanderbilt at Purdue — The color pattern alone would confuse fans of both programs.

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