WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Ivanka Trump came out strongly against busing on Monday, telling reporters, “I have never taken a bus in my life—they’re gross.”

Trump said she was reluctant to wade into the busing controversy, but asserted, “The idea of getting on a bus, where there are a lot of other people and you have no idea who they are or what they might be eating, is against everything I stand for.”

She said that she had no idea why people would take a bus when they could “just take an Uber,” but was quick to clarify, “I have never taken an Uber, either.”

“Ubers don’t seem as gross as buses, but they still seem pretty gross,” she said.

As she spoke about various modes of transportation, Trump grew visibly emotional. “In the eighties, a little girl in Manhattan took a limo to elementary school every morning,” she said. “That little girl was me.”