Chapter Text

tap tap ta-tap tap

“Elsa?”

Elsa closed the document on her laptop and waited for Anna to go on. But she didn’t. “What is it?”

“Elsa, could I come in, please?”

Anna wasn’t usually that formal. Elsa suspended her laptop, closed the lid, swivelled in her chair to face the door. “Of course. Come on in.”

Elsa felt a thrill as Anna entered. Her sister was always tantalizingly beautiful to Elsa, but tonight, ready for her dinner date with Hans Westgard, she was lovely. Her habitual pigtails were undone and brushed into a sunset-coloured cascade of gentle curls. She wore a simple teal dress that complemented her colouring, and her only jewellery was the crystal snowflake pendant that Elsa had sent from boarding school. Elsa felt outclassed.

Anna smiled and waved awkwardly. She felt like a fraud, a little girl playing dress-up, compared to her sister who could – and did – look casually stylish in a loose sweatshirt and curve-hugging jeans. She clasped her hands to stop herself fidgeting, and cleared her throat. “Could I ask a favour?”

“Sure.”

“It’s a little awkward.”

“Anything for you.”

“It’s, um, actually really a lot awkward.”

“If you want me to help you hide a body, I’d suggest you change first. DNA evidence, you know.” Elsa smiled playfully.

“Wait, what?!? Oh. No, it’s nothing like that. It’s kind of…personal?”

Elsa crossed to the door, closed it and locked it. “There. Privacy. Now you can tell me anything. Nothing leaves this bedroom.” If you knew the secrets I’ve been keeping…

“Okay.” She took a deep breath, blew it out. “Okay. Um, may I?” She gestured towards the bed.

“Sure.”

Anna sat on the bed, bouncing up and down a bit as Elsa took her seat again. “Okay. You know how when girls are little, like twelve or thirteen, and they’re starting to get interested in boys? And they’ll practice kissing their hand, or their pillow, or a picture or whatever?”

Elsa glided over the word boys, and nodded.

Anna crossed her legs, her foot jiggling. “Or they’ll practice on…each other?”

Is Anna coming out to me? Before I’ve come out to her? Elsa forced herself to sit still and keep her face neutral. “Yes…?”

“Well, I never did that.”

“Oh.” Elsa felt like she’d come down a staircase with one less step than expected. “I, um, that’s not a big deal. Some do, some don’t, it’s perfectly normal either way. Is that what’s bothering you?”

Anna’s foot went from bobbing up and down to shaking side to side. She clasped her knee. “Not exactly. I, um, never practised. Or, for-real kissed.”

“Ever? At your age? Not even once?”

“Elsa, don’t be mean.”

“No, I don’t mean it that way. I’m just…you’re so sweet, and pretty, it’s just hard to believe. You never mentioned anything in your letters, but I always assumed…I mean, if I were a boy I’d definitely want to kiss you.” Conceal, Elsa!

Anna chuckled. “Well, either the boy didn’t want to, or I didn’t want to, or I didn’t feel like it, or I accidentally gave him a black eye with my elbow– ”

“How do you– Never mind.”

“And there was a while there when I was really missing you, I was feeling pretty…well, anyway. So I never, I guess, got around to it, you know?”

“Not even with that one boy who was always hanging around?”

“Kris? Well, one kind of gross, sloppy kiss one time at a party, but I don’t think that’d count. At least I hope it doesn’t. Because that’s sort of the favour I have to ask you.”

Elsa gripped the arms of her chair, feeling a little dizzy. “You want me to…?”

Anna bent her head, then looked up at Elsa. “Could you – Oh God, this is so weird, and you can absolutely say ‘No’, and I’ll totally understand – but could you, kind of, show me how?”

Elsa sat a little straighter, holding herself still. “How to…”

“Kiss.”

Elsa felt heat rise to her face, as if she were standing too close to a bonfire. “Wow.”Diversion! Change subject! “What makes you think I’d have anything to teach you? It’s not like I get out a lot.”

“I kind of assumed when you were off in Europe that you would’ve, y'know, gotten some…done that kind of thing. In fact, I know we’re not supposed to talk about it, but I always suspected that you might have gone off to boarding school because of some boy.”

“Not exactly, no.” You’re no boy, Anna. “I don't…I don’t feel like that about…”

Anna looked at her with an odd mix of reproach and embarrassment. “You kind of do. I think.” In response to Elsa’s surprised expression, she went on. “I’m really sorry, and I didn’t mean to, but this one time? I had done the laundry and I was putting away some of your underwear? I swear I didn’t mean to, but I bumped into your desk and that jostled your computer and it wasn’t off it was just on standby and I guess I jiggled it enough to wake it up again and it was right there on the screen and I tried not to look but it was right there and even without reading it I could tell it was a poem and you never said you wrote poems and it was just there…” The heat in Elsa’s cheeks turned cool. “And whoever he is? The nature spirit whose unselfconscious beauty bruises your heart, sends fire surging through your veins like electricity, and melts your soul like the gentle inexorable sun melts the blank snows of winter into the clear streams that feed the thick luxurious growth of spring, bursting with life and loveliness? Whoever he is, well…if someone wrote a poem like that about me I’d do some melting of my own, if you know what I mean.” Anna grinned nervously. “I mean, not like I really read it or anything.” Her smile faded and she stared at her own lap. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s, um…it’s okay.” Elsa willed her breathing to slow. “And you really want me to…”

“I mean, it wouldn’t mean anything, right? Like, you know that expression, when something doesn’t really make a difference they say 'it’s like kissing your sister.’ Right?”

Elsa swallowed. “Uh, yeah. Right.” She looked at Anna’s nervous, hopeful expression, looked into the depths of those beautiful blue-green eyes, and her heart and body united against her better judgement. She braced herself. You’re so going back to boarding school. “Sure. I could help you with that.” But it’ll be worth it.

Besides, maybe it’ll be okay. We’ll do this, she’ll leave, I’ll masturbate furiously, and we’ll never talk about it again.

Anna swallowed. “Okay, let’s do this.” She took a deep breath, squeezed her eyes shut and puckered up.

“Whoa, hang on Duckface.” Elsa chuckled fondly and pulled Anna to her feet. “If we’re doing this,” I’m going to Hell, “we do it right. Kissing isn’t just putting your lips together. It's…if you do it right, it’s like communication. A kiss is a kiss, but it’s also expression. Let me show you.” She brushed aside Anna’s hair and kissed her forehead. “Now that kiss says, 'I think you’re an adorable cutie. And that’s it.’ ”

Anna smiled, but raised an eyebrow. “So that’s it?”

“Okay, here.” Elsa gripped Anna’s shoulders and leaned in to give her a swift peck on the cheek and stepped back. Then she moved forward again, holding Anna’s upper arms, and touched her lips to the same place on Anna’s cheek, lingering, soft in their softness, brushing against Anna’s skin as she pulled away. “Two kisses on the cheek. But not the same. The first one– ”

“That was, 'You’re an old lady relative and I have to kiss you because we’re at a family do.’ Right?” Elsa grinned, her hand covering her mouth. “And the second was…”

“I want to kiss you much more than this, but I don’t dare. So I’ll only touch your cheek, but put all my longing into it. Is what it would mean.” Anna nodded. “And there’s more than the kiss and the technique. You have to listen with your…well, not just your body. There’s a connection – or there can be – that you feel. That gives you a sense of what the other person is feeling. What they feel about you.”

“Yeah. I think I know what you mean.” Anna tilted her head. “But you know, if I get kissed tonight, it might be on the lips.”

“Of course. I’m trying not to go too far. Ahead. Of myself. Now, the lips. There’s this…” Her lips, tense and puckered, touched Anna’s for a moment. “And this…” She pressed her lips to Anna’s for a second, then released with a loud smacking noise.

“Easy,” said Anna. “The first one is, 'I have to kiss you, let’s get it over with. And the second one means you’re either a goofball, you don’t know what you’re doing, or you’re a cartoon character.”

They shared a laugh. “Right. Absolutely right. Now. Serious.” Elsa kissed her gently, briefly, over and over, tasting Anna’s lips, her tongue eventually peeping out to touch Anna’s mouth. “That’s a romantic, respectful kiss. 'I want to go farther, but not until you’re ready. I could kiss you all night, but you have every opportunity to stop if you’re uncomfortable.’ And my tongue waits to feel if your lips part before entering your…um, mouth. Because whatever I’m feeling, my first priority is you. I mean, 'me’ as the guy. And I’m not just probing with my, um, tongue. I’m also listening with my feelings, or trying to, to know how you’re responding.”

“Yeah. I think I got that. And my technique? For kissing? With the head-tilt?”

“Perfect. Soft, warm, welcoming. If that’s what you were going for, of course. For practice. But so far, you have absolutely nothing to worry about, Anna. Anyone would be happy to kiss you like that.” Elsa pushed back her hair. “Are you, um, ready to keep going?”

Anna’s eyes were wide and serious. “Yes. If it’s okay with you.”

Oh God, is it! Elsa took a calming breath. “Of course. Now this is…well, I’ll just show you.” Elsa’s pink tongue-tip moistened her lips, and unconsciously Anna did the same. Elsa took hold of Anna’s upper arms again and gently pulled her close. Her pink lips met Anna’s coral ones, pressed, held, moving with soft passion. Slowly, smoothly, her tongue slid between Anna’s yielding lips and explored her mouth. After a moment of uncertainty Anna’s tongue responded, gliding against each other, tasting each other’s tastes and textures. Elsa moaned into Anna’s mouth. This is so wrong. Elsa pushed Anna away, carefully, not so hard as to make her feel rejected.

“Wow,” said Anna. “So that’s what the fuss is about. With the whole 'tongue’ thing. That was…different. Good different.”

Elsa’s breathing began to slow. She nodded.

“You, um. Elsa? You made a noise.”

“That’ll happen. I wanted you to be ready for that. So you wouldn’t be thrown by it. That’ll happen when the other person is really…” She stood a little straighter, more stiffly. “Now, see the way I’m holding you?” Her hands still gripped Anna’s biceps. “Now, if this is happening, and you want to stop it, here’s what you can do. Tuck your arms in and bring your elbows up and forward, towards his face. That’ll twist your arms out of his grip, and your elbows… That’s not how you accidentally gave someone a black eye, is it?” Anna grinned, shook her head. “Now show me. Slowly.” Elsa tilted her head back as Anna drove her elbows up in slow motion. “Good, good. Because you can always stop. You always have a right to stop, if it’s going too far, too fast, or you’re just not okay with it. You’ve got that?” Anna nodded. “You can always stop.” Please stop, Anna. Please be strong for me.

With a look of defiance shining in her eyes Anna said, “Let’s keep going.”

“Now this, this shouldn’t happen. This is way too much for a first kiss. But if there’s a lot of flirting, or the other person is really feeling it, or…it might go this way.” Elsa took Anna strongly in her arms, one hand between her shoulder-blades and the other low around her waist, pressing the length of Anna’s delicate body against her own. Her mouth pressed hungrily to Anna’s, her tongue penetrating, claiming Anna’s mouth for her own. Anna melted into her arms, welcoming, open. Elsa’s hips pressed against Anna, her thigh almost pushing between Anna’s legs.

Without letting go, Elsa pulled her head back. She looked into Anna’s unfocussed eyes. “That’s too much. That’s far too much. If I…if he tries that… You stop it.” She took a deep breath. “You stop it. Don’t count on your upper body strength. Try getting away.” Anna wriggled back and forth. To Elsa’s shame, a part of her was inflamed by Anna’s struggles. She swallowed hard. “Work from your hips. You have a lot of power in your hips. A lot of power. Plant your feet and twist, or push off. Show me.”

From her hips, Anna pushed forward, pressing them even harder together, forcing Elsa to stumble backwards. Elsa forced her breath to remain as steady as she could. “That, uh, th-that’s actually the opposite. I meant, to the side. Twist, and push to the side.” Anna did nothing. “Now. Please, now.” Anna twisted from the hips and pushed off to the left, out of Elsa’s grasp. “Okay, that was good. That was good.” Elsa felt her pulse pounding in her throat.

Anna, flushed, pushed her hair back and smoothed her dress. “That was…wow. I think I’m getting it. But…” She shook the excess energy out of her arms. “…that’s if I want it to stop. What if I don’t?”

Elsa wiped the sheen of perspiration from her forehead with her sleeve. “Then you, um, don’t. Or…” Don’t! “…if you really mean it, you can…reciprocate. I suppose.”

“Can you show me what you mean? For demonstration purposes? I mean, I’m not gonna get a chance like this again, am I?”

“No. No. This is definitely a one-time thing.” She blinked hard, shook her head to try to clear it. She took Anna in her arms again. “Lips. You know how you bite your lower lip? When we kiss, bite mine the same way.” They kissed, and Anna nibbled on Elsa’s lower lip. “Good,” she breathed. “Now I’ll do it to you.” Elsa pulled Anna’s lip into her kiss and nipped at it. “And a kiss that says, 'go ahead.’ When I kiss you again, you can apply a little vacuum – just a little – to pull my tongue into your mouth.” She kissed Anna, and as the tip of her tongue presented itself Anna sucked hard. “Ow! Too hard. That doesn’t say 'go ahead,’ that says 'I want to devour you and I can’t control myself.’ Again.” They kissed, and Anna drew Elsa’s tongue to her own. Elsa tried not to moan again, but couldn’t help herself. “If you want to say that you want someone as much as they want you, hold me as tight as I hold you.” They kissed, Elsa pressing Anna to herself, Anna squeezing hard and possessively. Their mouths met fiercely, too passionately to be contained. Elsa’s mouth spread to Anna’s cheek, neck, exposed shoulder. “Now that…that is…unh.” By force of will she pushed herself away, gasping. “That's…that’s enough. I think you’ve mastered kissing. Anything more is…another topic.”

Anna’s eyes were shining but troubled. “I, um, Elsa?”

“What is it?”

“I was, kind of, feeling stuff. When we were doing that. Things that were kind of…not right? Physical things?”

Elsa turned to the side, rubbed her hands across her face. “That's…it doesn’t mean anything. It’s your body responding. That’s natural. That’ll happen. It doesn’t have to mean anything. In fact, that’s a good point. Sometimes your body will respond, and a…person can try to use that to get you to do things you don’t really want. So look out for that. Just because your body responds doesn’t mean you really want it. And just because the other person’s feeling that, you have no obligation to do anything. It's…look out for that. Don’t let it make you…cross a line you don’t want to cross.” Elsa moved to the door and unlocked it. “Okay. I think you know what you need to know. You’re ready to go have dinner with Hans.” She forced a smile. “You’ll be okay.”

Anna stood, moving her hands awkwardly, trying to shape a response out of the air. Finally she said, “Well, thanks,” waved timidly, and left the room.

Elsa crashed on the bed. Great. I warmed her up for that sideburns-wearing hipster douche. Oh God, I’m an idiot and a horrible human being. She lay still for a moment, then got up to lock the door again. She flopped on the bed again and reached under her sweatshirt to undo her jeans.

Much later that night, there was a knock on Elsa’s door. “Elsa? Can we talk for a bit?” said Anna.

Elsa, dressed for bed, got up and answered the door. “Hi.” Elsa let her in and motioned her to take the chair as Elsa sat on the edge of her bed. “Did it go well? Your night out?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Anna ran her hands through her hair and pushed it back. “It was, um… The stuff we talked about? And, um, did? It was…good we did that.” Elsa looked at her with blank curiosity. “I mean, we had a good dinner, and it was like he was interested in everything I was interested in. I mean literally it was like he was, not like he really was. But first real date, you know? And yeah, he did kiss me, and yeah, it did feel good. And I didn’t freak out or act awkward or anything, right? So, yay you.”

Elsa nodded, stone-faced.

“But the other thing?” continued Anna. “About listening with your feelings? And knowing what the other person is feeling about you? You were right. It was good kissing, but he didn’t feel anything for me. Not real. And I could tell what was real.”

Elsa’s eyes widened as Anna came over and kissed her gently on the forehead. And then kissed her cheek, softly, lingering, brushing against Elsa’s skin as she pulled away.

“Anna?”

“Shh. I’m talking with my kisses now.” And her lips told Elsa what she learned.