After that, it gets a bit confusing.

Ideally, you would then go off and play another pink-ball shield match. But actually, there are these three white-ball one-dayers against New Zealand. They are non-sequiturs, out of place and time, the steak knives we had to throw in to get the Kiwis to play in last year's inaugural pink-ball Test. We'd love for you to sit them out, but the marketing people would kill us. You see, it's OK to field a sub-strength white-ball team when we're overseas, out of sight and mind, but not at home.

If you're still with us, then you'll throw the switch again – can't be so hard – and get three Tests against Pakistan in quick succession, pink-ball, red-ball, red-ball, bang, bang, bang, as long as you don't get dropped, in which case you'll play white-ball T20 cricket for your BBL franchise, and as long as the scientists are happy you haven't bowled too many balls altogether, in which case you'll have to make do with no balls.

January's straightforward. Either you'll play white-ball 50-over cricket for Australia, the real Australia, against Pakistan, or white-ball 20-over cricket in the BBL, or a bit of both, toggling from mode to mode, with not a red ball or a pink ball in sight, except for those that will probably be dancing before your eyes by then.

Now comes the tricky part. First, there are these white-ball one-day matches in New Zealand (beats me why we're suddenly playing New Zealand every other week; I thought we'd deleted those pictures), then three white-ball T20 matches here against Sri Lanka. In between, if you need a hit, there's a round of red-ball shield matches, but not the same red ball as before, when sometimes it was a pink ball. These ones are English. You follow?