WASHINGTON—House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA) has reportedly been pressuring his wife to try new political positions, claiming the same old ones are getting stale after 24 years of marriage. “Come on, baby, let’s try a little pro-gun control, or maybe a little reverse pro-gun control, just to spice things up,” sources overheard Cantor saying to his wife Diana, right after suggesting that she might try getting in the mood by playing with her position by herself a bit before entering into passionate debate. “I’ll role-play a neoliberal who’s been naughty on security issues, and you’ll be a social-conservative minx who wants to deny hospital visitation rights for gay couples all night long. We’ll have a safe word so I can go back to being an ideologically inconsistent Republican if things get too intense.” Diana Cantor commented that while she supports her husband trying to keep the discourse fresh, she is too tired to try any new political positions tonight.

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