From Moonbattery.org comes the story of Earl Wright, an LAPD officer who, after years of apparently being in “the boys’ club,” decided that he’d been victimized by those mean ol’ White racists in the ranks with him. At one point, he even had to bear the indignity of being given a cake with FRIED CHICKEN and WATERMELON decorations on top! Gasp!

But wait a second…

Great quote:

“Officer Randall McCain, who is black, testified that it was he, not Foster, who bought and presented the cake to Wright.

In an interview, McCain reiterated what he said at the trial — that Wright laughed when he saw the cake, cut himself a slice, and ate the chicken topping.

He and Wright, McCain said, were part of a group of officers at Central Division who routinely traded crude racial text messages and comments.

“I have known Earl Wright for 15, 16 years; we worked together for the past five. And Earl Wright has joked, pulled pranks and talked about other races in a joking way just like the rest of us,” McCain said. “Everything this guy is claiming was done to him, he did himself. He lied about the way he was feeling.”

So. You remember that cool black guy you voted to let into your fraternity that seemed to be “down” with all the hilarious racial jokes you guys all threw around? Or maybe it’s the black guy on your third shift always cracking wise about the “crazy-ass White boys” in the breakroom? You know, the clever black guy whose prank gift to you at the company Christmas party was a “Ken” doll in little Klan robes because he’s the only black guy in R&D? The Mexican guy who calls you “guero”?

Yeah. Well, if you want to keep your job, don’t be “cool” with the “cool” black guy at work anymore. And if he tries to be cool with you, report him to HR. You don’t want to work in a hostile work environment, do you?

Don’t make “fashion” jokes with the queer. Don’t make “softball” jokes with the dyke. Don’t make “PMS” jokes with the women. EVEN IF THEY MAKE THEM FIRST. Pretend you didn’t hear. Don’t make jokes with anyone but your own kind and , even then, BE ABSOLUTELY SURE. If you can’t be sure, it’s a no-go on being a completely warm human being.

Be as cold and professional as you need to all the time unless you know for sure. But be careful! Maybe someone will take your coldness as being “racist,” “sexist” or “homophobic.” So smile politely and say “good morning.”

It seems to be a bad idea to be lulled into a sense of workplace camaraderie with non-Whites, women or gays because, even if they genuinely like you and you them, a personal animus that suddenly arises between you and them or even between your mutual supervisor and them can land you in the witness seat in a discrimination lawsuit. You don’t want to have to say under oath that you ever referred to your “friend” as your “Ace Boon Coon.”

In the hands of a lawyer out to get his cut, that would make you Hitler and the evil White guy from Django Unchained rolled into one.

Coming Soon: Whitey Workplace Survival Guide