If this time of year is hard for you or unimportant to you, here are completely acceptable things to say:

• "I don't really celebrate, but tell me what you like to do."

• "That's a painful subject just now, thanks for understanding. But tell me more about your celebration!"

• If someone badgers you for details, they are the ones who are out of line. Just repeat yourself. "You had no way of knowing, but I really don't like to talk about it. Let's change the subject."

Try to remember that most people are just making small talk and they probably don't want to upset you. Also remember that you don't owe anyone an uncomplicated life or a performance of happiness. If someone finds your holiday spirit inadequate, they are the ones making it awkward.

And if you ask somebody about their plans and they don't seem excited to talk about it, take a cue from them and don't try to sell them on the season. Wish people well and let their feelings be what they are.