No, don’t go anywhere.

We need to talk. I’ll keep it brief.

Below is a fake news article I wrote around six years ago as a joke, trying to show a friend how easy it is to come up with an article that looks plausible and official At the bottom of the page, there is a message saying that this is bullshit, clearly and blatantly, just to make sure nobody took this seriously.

And yet, despite this article being the most poorly written piece of shit and probably the worst joke I have ever made, it has been taken so seriously that I have 256 comments awaiting approval, snopes has had to debunk it by noting the last paragraph, and I’ve had NUMEROUS cases of people sending this link to me as an argument.

This is a microcosm of a very serious problem.

We have a serious problem with fake news in this country, and if you have come across this page, you probably googled something to the effect of IQ and political views.

Please, stop.

If you keep googling things like this, you’re going to find what you’re looking for. You’re going to find one of those fake/fictitious news websites run by think tanks or fringe political groups, and you’re going to read what you want to hear.

Except, next time, you won’t come across this message. You won’t come across the disclaimer at the bottom saying this bullshit.

Because while I was just a kid trying to make a point, the other news sources are not. They are political groups who want more than anything to tell you what you want to hear and gull you to join their ranks.

You need to do better. You need to check sources, you need to confirm what people are saying is true, even when you agree with them.

Especially when you agree with them.

If you believe what people say because they look like they’re telling the truth, because you agree with them and you assume that they know what they’re talking about, then you are going to be brainwashed, you are going to be gulled, you are going to be fooled. They’ll lie to you more and more.

Save yourself, and help save everyone else from this epidemic. Don’t get gulled. Don’t become some liar’s follower.

Check sources, especially when you want the story to be right. If you see something you agree with, don’t be a fool and nod your head then move on like so many have with this page.

Stop, look at the source, follow the numbers, read some abstracts, figure out how they came to that conclusion and why. That way, if what someone says is true, you won’t just think it’s true, you’ll know it’s true. And if it’s not, you will have discovered a liar, and no matter how much you wish what they said were true, call them out — because the only thing worse than ignorance is willful ignorance.

Ask questions, think critically. We do not want a future run by liars and their followers.

That’s all.

And now, back to this.

A new study conducted at Harvard University shows that in America, Liberals have a significantly lower IQ than Conservatives. The study was conducted on 100,000 registered voters in 40 different states over the last twelve years, and has concluded its results.

The first part of the study lists the correlation between political beliefs and intelligence. Subjects of the study were chosen at random and requested to come to an unmarked van to take a test and answer some questions for a reasonable amount of money.

Of the 100,000 people, there were people from many doctrines, from conservative to liberal to marxist to fascist. Socialists came out on bottom, with an average IQ of 87. The second worst were Liberals and then Marxists, with 88 and 89 respectively. Conservatives received an average score of 110, which is significantly above average. However, the conservatives did not score the highest. The holder of second place were Communists with an average I.Q of 115, and the first place was apolitical people who did not follow any specific doctrine, who received a whopping score on average of 135.

IAHYM News attempted to interview President Barack Obama on the new find, but he refused to speak directly. Instead, while walking down the strange hallway, he told correspondent Joseph Ducreux that the study

was ridiculous and false, but failed to provide any reason as to why or

how the science of the study is at fault.

Hilary Rodham Clinton was also contacted, but she immediately hung up

the phone when she figured out that the study was being mentioned at all.

Other parts of the study included the daily activities of the various people based on their doctrines. Apparently, Liberals are five times more likely to commit a crime, steal or cheat on a test than anybody else except for Socialists, 52% of which have committed a major felony while being watched. Conservatives not only did not commit any crimes, but they actually prevented them, as the few events where a Conservative was threatened by a thief or mugger was hindered by a concealed handgun. Also, Communists are the most likely to commit rape or sexual assault, second to socialists.

The study was conducted in other countries as well, where 81% of Muslim Extremists admitted to following the Liberal doctrine and idolizing President Barack Obama. The study was conducted by a group of roughly 900 different scientists across the country over the past twelve years, each one taking on a little over a hundred people per person.

Reporting from New York City, this is John Bowling.

© IAHYM News Network, 2011

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Oh yeah, and everything in that bullshit you just read is completely and totally false. There has been no such conclusive study, and all of the “Finds” are based on public paranoia.

If you, even for a second, thought this find might be true, you are probably an idiot.