Hey Johnson, where are you headed, out to lunch? Not so fast partner. March on over to Conference Room B. Lunch is on me. It’s on the company. It’s a business lunch. It’s Thai food.

What’s that, a magazine? Just leave it at the desk. We’re not going to have any time for any leisure reading. But where are your spreadsheets? Better head back to the office and pick up those spreadsheets. Go ahead and print out a few more, a few extra spreadsheets for everybody. I told everybody else to do the same, lots of extra copies. You don’t have a pen? Don’t worry I brought a pen.

You’re hungry, right? Yeah, I actually ordered the food a little late, but that’s OK, it’ll be here soon. In the meantime, let’s get started with the business part of this business lunch. Now? You need to make a phone call right now? It’s a business call, right? A personal call? But this is a business lunch. Look, I’m not one to tell everybody what to do on their own time, but, well, how do you think this looks? To the company? To the clients? Would you hire a consulting firm if you knew that those consultants were working on your project while juggling personal telephone calls?

Well if it’s not important I don’t know why you brought it up. I don’t know why you brought your personal telephone to this obviously business oriented lunch. Why do you think the firm gave you a special business only cell phone? That’s right. Business phone. I’m no tyrant, I didn’t say no phones at lunch. I was just saying only business phones at business lunches. And look, the food isn’t even here yet. Lunch doesn’t get more business that that.

Food’s here? Well send it in. Thanks, just drop it off on Conference Table Annex C. No that’s Conference Table Annex F. That one, over there in the corner. I don’t understand the problem, they’re all clearly labeled. To the left. That’s it, thanks a lot Paco. Paco? Carlos, right I forgot, sorry. Thanks a lot Carlos. You see guys? Carlos is working. I’m sure he’d like to be eating lunch. He’s probably eating something in between deliveries. Maybe some flautas. I’ve never tried flautas, but I’ve heard they’re delicious. Stephens, you ever eat a flauta? Why’s Carlos still standing here? Thanks Carlos! You keep working! You’re doing great!

Classic Carlos. Not just yet, we’re right in the middle of business. It’ll stay warm. Do you know how hot that stuff is? They make it really, really, really hot, because they know it’s got to be delivered, and they know we’re a business, that we’re going to let it sit around for a little bit. You can’t just dive right in. Did you bring those spreadsheets?

What? I don’t know, regular Thai food. What do you call that stuff, pad Thai? Right? Those noodles? What else, I don’t know, some chicken? I didn’t order. Well, just take the meat out. What is it an ethical or a dietary issue? Well I didn’t … come on, a free lunch is a free lunch. Hey Morris, hit the lights and let’s get these Powerpoints rolling. Well where’s the clicker? Jesus Morris, who normally sets these things up? You can’t just pull the screen down? I don’t see why a screen needs its own motor.

Hold on let me get the IT guy up here, what’s that guy’s name, Manuel, right? Manny! Glad I got you. You’re not out to lunch are you? Well, how far away? Can you get back here? Yeah we’re right in the middle of a business lunch and, unfortunately … yeah the screen. No we can’t find the clicker. Can you just get up here? I am looking, I don’t see it. I can’t find it. Just … OK, thanks Manny! You’re the greatest.

Classic Manny. You ever notice how certain people always place a little too much emphasis on lunch breaks? You know it’s … never mind. It’s just that, well boys, you don’t make money eating lunch. You make money eating business. Not eating. Making. Making business. Doing business. Is Manny here yet? All right boys, might as well get back to work. No sense loafing around Conference Room B if nobody knows how to use it. We’ll just come back when Manny comes around. It’ll still be here. Thai food’s even better cold, or room temperature. It’s true, you know I think that’s how all the Thai people prefer to eat their food.

No you can’t go out. Because we’re at work. What about a lunch break? We’ve already wasted too much time today sitting around this table not getting any work done. Actually, we’ve still got a lot of ground to cover. Better call up the wives and tell them it’s going to be a late day. Right, right, sorry, wives and boyfriends. Right, right, I forgot, and husbands, OK, chill out, husbands and boyfriends and life partners. Well what do you want me to call them? Don’t worry I’ll call a car service. I don’t know how late. Don’t worry, I’ll order some dinner, on the company. It’s fine. Just grab an apple from the office kitchen. No apples? I thought I told Juanita to keep that office kitchen stocked. Classic Juanita. Marge? Her name is Marge. Huh. I just thought … you know, with the black hair and everything. She never really says much. Classic Marge. All right boys, back to work, let’s move.