Last week, we wrote a quick user's guide to Jeffrey Epstein, the Manhattan financier who is currently accused of bringing underage girls as young as 14 to his Palm Beach mansion, where he allegedly paid them $200 to give him "sex-tinged" massages and engage in showy, girl-on-girl action with his supposed assistant/sex slave. The item also mentioned fellow billionaire Ron Burkle who, like Epstein, is friends with Clinton, has a private jet, and does not object to attractive women under the age of 30. But mentioning Burkle in the same breath as Epstein only brought hellfire and brimstone via telecopier from Burkle's lawyer, who demanded both a retraction and a non-sarcastic apology. Since we don't really do the former and simply can't parse the latter, we'll instead outline the differences between Jeffrey Epstein and Ron Burkle. God forbid you ever mistake one for the other.

This image was lost some time after publication.

Jeffrey Epstein This image was lost some time after publication.

Ron Burkle Estimated Worth Not even on the Forbes 400 $2.3 billion Source of Fortune Financier to the ultra-wealthy, he manages over $15 billion for clients; avoids 90% of taxes by "living" on private island in USVI West Coast supermarket magnate; now does major dealmaking through holding company Yucaipa Properties Dirty Laundry Allegedly solicited underage girls for massages, naughty touching and lesbian sex, paying $200/session; told one girl he bought a Ukrainian sex slave Tried to have his nasty divorce papers sealed; alleged extortion victim of former Page Sixer Jared Paul Stern; daughter suing him for Indian-giving; videotaped estranged wife having interracial sex Media Ownership Tried to buy New York Magazine Tried to buy the LA Times; failed bid for 12 Knight-Ridder papers Company kept Socialite Ghislaine Maxwell; attractive, well-paid assistants; Alan Dershowitz Models like Gisele Bundchen; not-hideous younger women have been reportedly photographed on his jet Radar connection Helped fund Radar 2.0 with fellow billionaire and Daily News publisher Mort Zuckerman Rumored to be involved in funding Radar 3.0, courtesy of an introduction to EIC Maer Roshan via Epstein Jet A "sybaritic" Boeing 727 Boeing 757, aka "Ron Air" Takes Bill Clinton to Africa Anywhere Bill damn well pleases