How to activate executive dysfunction in twenty easy steps:

-be in college

-drive to cafe to do homework, stay for a while

-i can’t park at the university b/c parking passes are like 300 dollars, so i leave my car where it is and walk to a building on campus for a meeting. this is important. normally I walk to and from campus

-heyimoncampus.jpeg

-it’s been 2 hours so by now the car has ceased to exist until I need it again

-walk home

-life as usual for a few days, I don’t need my car during the week so i don’t notice it’s not where it’s supposed to be

-Saturday. I pack up to drive to see my folks. Got all my stuff in a backpack and i’m ready to go

-go to parking spot

- Dude Where’s My Car (2000)

-holyfucksomebodystoleitwhostolemycar– waitasecond

-long term memory… loading. loading.

-oh shit it’s 2 miles away I left it at the cafe on Thursday

- “who stole my car” me. i did. i stole my own car. from myself

-basically jog back across campus to get there as fast as possible because it’s not like i left it in a rando parking lot for two days already and the 5 minutes i save by exhausting myself will totally make a difference

-holy shit i hope it’s still there

-it is. the god of forgetful assholes was smiling down on me because i don’t even have a parking ticket even though i’m right under a “no overnight parking” sign

- this car had a 50/50 shot of actually turning over on any given day because it guzzled through batteries like some people guzzle la croix so by now i’m freaking out b/c i have no idea what to do if it doesn’t start

-god of faulty car batteries is smiling too

-i am halfway to driving to my parents when i realize i forgot my backpack at home

-somehow it takes five years before anyone suspects i have adhd

-the end