

In today’s world where anyone and everyone with the slightest hint of fat on their chests and/or a vagina is being violated, physically and mentally, being a woman is pretty much a challenge. Parents all over are terrified that their daughters will be ripped out by some monster waiting in the dark.

Girls themselves are scared yet determined not to give in while some have armed themselves with pepper sprays, penknives and karate moves to save themselves if the need ever arises. Suddenly the media is full of pictures and quotes about women who have been wronged, ignored or worse, misunderstood, demanding that society pays for their sins. There is a sudden rise in ‘feminists’ who are tearing down one manhood after another.

Yes, suddenly, the world is concerned, scared and determined not to lose to the whims of this patriarchal society. Yet, as we fight a collective fight, everyone forgets the individual. Has anyone asked a single woman how she feels? Yes, yes, we read interviews of empowered women all the time. Blogs full of women flaunting their femininity like a weapon being brandished by a warrior princess.

But, what if you were given a choice? Would you want to be reborn as a woman again? I would. Why, you ask me? I say, why not? But anyway, here goes.

Boobs. As unflattering and uncomfortable they might be, I like the way they are always jutting out and hampering free movement. I mean, have you ever heard a man complain because a woman bumped into him from behind? On the other hand, it is almost criminal to bump against a woman with an erect penis. And gross too. Ew.

PMS. Which other species on earth has the right to be cranky five whole days of a month without any explanation or apologies? TELL ME! Yes, none. We women can scream, cry, kick and punch you, verbally, physically, emotionally and otherwise and the moment you dare complain, we can just pout and spout, “PMS, baby” and all is well.

Which brings me to my next point. Periods. While most women will curse themselves for this monthly monstrosity and swear to pull out their fallopian tubes every month, it is a sign that your insides are working fine. I know, the irony of bleeding and cramping for good health is more than enough to tear out your hair but hey, at least the reports are almost always on time!

Clothes. There is a dizzying array of outfits we women have access to. (At least the ones who are fashionably acceptable.) From colours to hues to shades to styles to kinds to types. WHEW! I don’t even know 10% of them.

Fans. Men want to be us. Literally. Uh, not so literally but yeah. I don’t know many women who would make a fake profile to be a man. But I know many men who hide behind the ‘pallu’ of a woman who might not necessarily be theirs. And all because we have more idiots flushing their unwanted attention on us.

Messages like “Mk me ur frn list”, “cnt add u. snd me rqst”, “ur sooooooooo butful” to whatever. I mean, LIKE WHAAA? SWAAAAG. Women RULEZZ!

1150 likes on a pic. Stare at a faraway place. Purse your lips like you’re pooping. Click. Add a few filters. Add a caption like “I can hear you but why are you so far away” adding as many smiley faces you can. If you are a woman, trust me, you will be ‘like’d.

Get away with questions like “Does Nexus 5 have a camera?” with a smile and fluttering your eyelashes. Never has the world criticised a woman for her ignorance. In fact, we are the only species which is encouraged to remain dumb.

Free (un) wanted advice. A classic play of the society, a woman is always being advised. By men, other women, plants, sunlight and even furniture. EVERYONE has something to tell her.

Right to joke about the above things. Let’s face it, I will be hated for this. But then, at least ONE person would laugh at it. However, if a man had posted it, the poor guy would have been slaughtered.

So, I will, again, be born as a woman and face this cruel, cruel world. Happily.

P.S. If I have offended you in any way, please do not let me know.