Warning: This article discusses sexual assault and violence, and includes a description of an indecent assault.

I'd probably be considered an 'alpha male' but after being indecently assaulted inside a department store changeroom, I felt no-one understood the depths of my pain.

Three years on and the unnecessary feelings of guilt, shame, fear of ridicule and the trauma associated with the court process still affect me today.

Australia has a worrying trend of sexual violence against women. There is no denying the statistics are cause for alarm and sadly we see examples of this violence too often.

According to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (AIHW), 1 in 5 Australian women have been sexually assaulted or threatened since the age of 15.

Given the gendered nature of rape and the fact that women are four times more likely to be victims than men, it's no surprise much of our media coverage is geared towards female victims and male perpetrators.

But men are not immune to sexual violence either.

In fact, figures from the AIHW found that 1 in 20 men have been sexually assaulted or threatened since the age of 15.

How my assault unfolded

In July 2016 during my university degree, I like many of my peers secured an internship.

The new lifestyle meant I needed to smarten up my wardrobe.

In a department store I was approached by a man on the escalator, his name was Jean Bernard Bonorchis.

"What are you looking for? He asked.

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Whatsapp Jai McAllister says he's struggled with feelings of shame after being sexually assaulted when he was 21

"Just a white business shirt, what about you", I hesitantly replied.

"I'm looking for a suit, what's your budget?" he said.

"About twenty-bucks, what about you?"

"$600", he said with a smug grin.

The prospect of small talk with this big-talking stranger wasn't the least bit appealing, but he looked like he knew a thing or two about fashion, so I decided to give him the time of day.

That's how my parents raised me, be nice, be friendly.

Bonorchis picked up two shirts from the rack and told me to go and try them on.

Under the impression he was a 'fashionista' who was keen to offer advice to blokes like me, I was happy enough to have his help.

After being inside the changeroom for a minute or two, my attention was alerted to two quick taps on the door.

In a fleeting moment, Bonorchis was inside.

Surprised, yes, but fully clothed, I didn't see it as anything out of the ordinary.

''You've got a big chest, I think it's too small, try this one,' he said as he reached out to touch my chest.

I removed the shirt and put on the larger size, to which Bonorchis insisted I tuck into my shorts.

"Nah mate it's fine, I'm wearing shorts," I replied.

I then became pretty weirded out by the situation.

"It's fine mate, it's fine, I'll get this one [the shirt], it's all good," I said discreetly, still mindful not cause a scene.

Bonorchis preceded to grab my shirt and tuck it into my shorts.

Grabbing my bum, he then worked his way towards my penis, squeezing it several times.

I was frozen, mute, a statue.

Video below, which was used as evidence in court proceedings, shows Bonorchis entering and exiting the men's changing area. It also shows me running from the changing room shortly after the assault occurred.

Video Player failed to load. Play Space to play or pause, M to mute, left and right arrows to seek, up and down arrows for volume.

'What just happened? Surely not to me?' I asked myself.

According to Sydney based psychologist Gemma Cribb my reaction was normal.

"Many victims are in shock and disbelief and so go numb or freeze and can't find their words."

Was it my fault?

Australia's obsession with male bravado has caused many men, including myself to hide in shame at even the slightest thought of fragility.

"Our culture has a stereotype that men should always want sex and should be strong and able to defend themselves physically. As such many people don't believe men when they share their stories and will minimize or make fun of [indecent assault]," Cribb says.

Upon sharing my experience with some friends and family their first reaction was often to laugh and wonder how I could let it happen.

Feelings of shame, regret, anger and guilt began to cripple my mind as I battled the unsubstantiated thought of having a role in the incident.

Did I lead him on? I asked myself.

Psychologists agree victims often unfairly put a significant share of the blame on themselves.

"Most victims feel guilty because they feel like there is something that they should have done or said to prevent it or stop it. They often worry that they led the abuser on or gave mixed messages," Gemma Cribb says.

How my assault has affected me

These days I find it more difficult to trust people and I'm overly conscious of the actions of those around me.

The incident has made me hesitant to meet new people, socially anxious and emotionally withdrawn from friends, family and loved ones.

Gemma Cribb says these symptoms are common among victims like me.

"It can severely impact a person's mental health. It can produce anxiety, including self-consciousness, inability to trust, feeling unsafe and hyper-vigilance to further threat," she says.

I have no doubt the incident also had an adverse effect on my most recent romantic relationship.

I found myself pressing the need for more physical intimacy, as if I had something to prove.

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How my case played out in court

My anguish about my assault intensified following court, with the experience of being cross-examined by Bonorchis's lawyer.

"You would agree with me that you didn't say anything at all to Mr Bonorchis about your objection to him helping you or being in the cubicle?" the lawyer asked me.

"Yes, I did. I said, 'It's fine. This shirt is fine. I'll just get this shirt.' He could clearly see by the mannerisms on my face, the distress on my body," I replied.

I guess this all comes back to the question of what constitutes consent, both verbal and non-verbal. To me non-verbal consent is a strong as a 'no'.

In no way, shape, or form did I do anything to warrant Bonorchis touching me, something he even admitted himself in court under cross-examination.

Bonorchis was asked in court: "Prior to the point where you touch his penis, he [Mr McAllister] never touches you or is flirtatious with you in any way. It's all one-sided. It's all you touching him, complimenting him. Correct?"

"Correct, yeah," Bonorchis said.

"And he [Mr McAllister] never, you know, gets close to you or get touchy-feely with you. Nothing like that?"

"Not at all." Bonorchis replied.

Despite this being acknowledged, I have constantly felt the need to justify how I could put myself in such a position if I didn't want to be there. I knew this is what my friends, family and people I would tell would be thinking.

A 2003 study by the Australian Centre for the Study of Sexual Assault found that 84 per cent of male sexual assault victims reported concerns about their sexuality, gender roles and/or body because of their experience.

This was the angle Bonorchis' lawyer took in court as he attempted to justify his client's actions.

"Mr McAllister are you a homosexual?"

"Mr McAllister have you had any homosexual experiences before?" his lawyer asked me.

In the end, Bonorchis was found guilty of 'assault with act of indecency' and given a 12 month bond, however no conviction was recorded.

He appealed the decision to the District Court, but the judge dismissed it and upheld Bonorchis' guilty verdict.

I'm not sure if he feels regret or remorse for what he did but for me the embarrassment, blame and guilt I place on myself, whether founded or unfounded is still something I feel today.