Anti-Vaxxers Should Inject Themselves With Polio and Let Nature Sort Their Children Out

Now that it’s officially January, we can all stop with the Happy New Year shit and get on with the reality that there are still a fuckton of idiots running around this planet making things shitty for everyone.

Next up: FUCKING ANTI-VAXXERS!

Let’s start with a brief, yet totally unsurprising history lesson: This shit has been around for nearly 80 years in some fashion or another. I don’t want to focus on the past though. These people died off in their 40s, and fuck if I’m going to tell someone that probably lost a limb in a fucking tractor at age 7 how to live their life. Go get em’ you old coot!

So here we are, 2017, and people are still finding new and creative ways to be fucking morons.

The Big Problem:

This shit isn’t just confined to the anals (NOT A TYPO) of America. One of the most educated areas in America (San Francisco, Marin, and San Mateo counties) happens to be one of the areas with the highest incidences of vaccine avoidance, and consequently, one of the major areas where shit like measles has crept back into the country. Coincidence? Use your fucking data analytics and see for yourself, you fucking nutjobs.

How Does This Impact Me?

Great fucking question! A couple of ways:

Children don’t squeeze out the vag vaccinated. That shit takes time. Therefore, if you breed, until your child IS fully vaccinated, they’re susceptible to all the shit the grubby antivaxxers might be carrying. Imagine having to tell little Timmy “fuck kid, I did everything I could to keep polio away from you, but my fucking idiot co-worker didn’t tell me their kid got it. That’s what I get for skipping the bar to be home with you.”

We end up paying for all these little shits when they DO get sick. Economics 101, costs go up, prices inevitably follow. Fuck your face kid, daddy’s splurging at Applebee’s tonight!

I have to look at all these little cripples. Fuck that’s depressing.

One positive though, abused stuffed animals around the world can finally live without fear!

Vaccines and Autism:

Do I have to actually talk about this shit?

Sure I could go on and on about how there is no scientific link between the two. It doesn’t matter. Logic doesn’t matter. Science doesn’t matter. The significant increases in life span since vaccines were invented doesn’t matter. So I’m not doing it. I’d be just as fucking stupid as the anti-vaxxers are.

How Do We Combat This Then?

Anti-Vaxxers Should Inject Themselves With Polio and Let Nature Sort Their Children Out!

This is a win-win-win! That’s fucking 3X winning, and that’s amazing!

First, the parents win! They get to “survive” polio, knowing that their own vaccinations will kick in and take care of the problem right away. Just imagine a world where 40 years from now, old fucks will STILL be able to say “I remember when I got the polios!” and then shit themselves to sleep.

Second, the kids win! They get the honor of being the first group of people in America in nearly 60 years to enjoy all the benefits of polio! Wheelchairs, crutches, the sweet release of death…. ALL OF THIS CAN BE THEIRS!

Plus, if they do die, they don’t have to wait out the full 18 years to get the fuck away from their batshit crazy parent(s).

Finally! Oh finally! Polio wins! Talk about a fucking comeback story! Shit, this would make Michael Jordan’s return to the Bulls look like fucking amateur hour. Imagine a disease, on the brink of extinction in the United States, fully returning to its former glory. Talk about the front runner for the Time Person of the Year for 2017!

Thanks anti-vaxxers, you ignorant cunts!

Thoughts? Add your own bullshit below.