Reminds me a bit of Jesus…

This simple idea could make your day.

So, me too, I’ve been reading Tim Ferriss‘ book Tools of Titans (haven’t finished yet… it’s as massive as the fattest Harry Potter books). Anyway, I came across superwoman Gabrielle Reece’s advice of going first. It resonated with me a lot. And, as I think it’s a gold nugget, I wanted to share it with you.

Here’s what it’s about and thoughts that crossed my mind when thinking about it.

In her own words (copied from the book):

I always say that I’ll go first…. That means if I’m checking out at the store, I’ll say hello first. If I’m coming across somebody and make eye contact, I’ll smile first. [I wish] people would experiment with that in their life a little bit: Be first, because — not all times, but most times — it comes in your favor. The response is pretty amazing…. I was at the park the other day with the kids. Oh, my God. Hurricane Harbor [water park]. It’s like hell. There were these two women a little bit older than me. We couldn’t be more different, right? And I walked by them, and I just looked at them and smiled. The smile came to their face so instantly. They’re ready, but you have to go first, because now we’re being trained in this world [to opt out] — nobody’s going first anymore.

This is so simple. When you encounter somebody, just go first. Smile or say hello.

The response will be amazing. You’ll get a smile back. You’ll get a hello back. Or you’ll even get a smile AND a hello back. Great!

Tim Ferriss commented on the idea and said that people are nicer than they look, but we have to go first. Most people are ready, they are nice people, and they’ll be happy to get a smile and smile back at you. It’s the most natural thing to do — smiling back.

What can you lose?

No — damn — thing. Because even if they don’t greet you back or even frown, who cares? We don’t know why they act how they act. And it’s ok.

The worst thing is probably what we know from movies. You freshly say Good Morning and what you get back is, “What’s good about this morning?”

So what? This most certainly won’t happen often. And if it happens, I bet you can handle it. No big thing. No more saying Good Morning just for the risk of an ugly response would be like quitting soccer because of this one time you got the ball in your sack.

It happens. But playing soccer is worth the risk. And saying Good Morning is, too.

Why do WE need to go first?

It’s like Gabby Reece said, “Nobody’s going first anymore.”

I don’t know where that comes from and whether it’s always been that way or not. Maybe it comes from the fear of strangers. It’s what we learn from a young age on: “Don’t trust strangers.” or “Don’t go into a stranger’s car.” etc. Maybe this is good advice, maybe it’s dumb advice. I don’t know. But what’s certain is that it unconsciously makes us fear strangers. And this is stupid. Because, first of all, 99% of the people are no psychopaths, but actually nice people, and second, fear won’t help us anyway. Yeah, maybe we shouldn’t trust everybody and we shouldn’t go into everybody’s car, but we definitely shouldn’t walk around being afraid of other people. That makes no sense.

We just end up walking around staring at the ground and thinking, “Don’t look them in the eyes. Don’t make eye contact.”

Come on.

This can’t be the solution.

Maybe we need to differentiate between dark alleys and normal public areas. I don’t know. But certainly we needn’t fear everybody we don’t know.

And this is kind of what I take away, that most people are nice but you need to go first. For whatever reason people don’t go first.

So, going first it is. It’s kind. You acknowledge others. Just a smile can make somebody’s day. And most of the time you’ll get something in return. People light up and radiate happiness. It’s worth it. It doesn’t matter whether you’ll get something back or not (think of it as an act of giving which is fulfilling in the act itself).

Don’t overthink: How should I greet?

This might be another reason why some people don’t go first: They overthink and miss the opportunity.

What should I say? Do I even know this person? I think I know her. But from where? What’s her name again? Fuck, I can’t remember her name. HIDE! Don’t make eye contact. Yeah, smart, just look away and act like you haven’t seen her.

Who hasn’t been there?

I guess that happens, sometimes we just don’t feel like talking to people. It just shouldn’t get the norm.

Let’s look at some different situations (just for fun).

You walk along a street and look the oncoming person in the eyes while walking by. Thoughts rush through your mind, “Say hi, or good evening. I let him go first. Okaaay, I just left eye contact. Etc.”

It’s funny, our minds. And maybe the oncoming person had similar thoughts, but just nobody went first. Both were trapped in overthinking.

What’s your overthinking facial expression?

Mine looks like that of a mean man.

Mean Man: The classic overthinking expression.

And chances are high that your overthinking face doesn’t look like a smiling flower either. So, that mean man face is what you have to offer to passersby.

And think of it the other way, too, every time someone looks you in the eyes and makes this mean man face, he’s probably overthinking, too. Just go first. Problem solved. For both of you.

Here’s what came to Tim Ferriss’ mind when introduced to the go first principle: “This made me think of a line from fictional character Raylan Givens in the TV series Justified:

‘If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you’re the asshole.’

What about, “Damn, what’s this person’s name?”

I’ve been there several times, not knowing a name of someone I actually know quite a bit. And then I hide so he won’t see me… (Or let’s say, I used to do that.)

But think about it the other way around.

Let’s say you encounter somebody you don’t know very well but you still remember his name, Peter. So you greet Hey Peter! and he only says Hey! No name. Just Hey! Now, do you then think, “Damn, this slacker doesn’t remember my name. What a douche.”?

Probably not. And it’s the same when you don’t remember the other person’s name. It’s not perfect, but it’s ok.

Btw, just replacing the other’s name with buddy or mate won’t change anything. You still don’t remember their name. And it’s fine. Still, it’s nicer to remember names. So…

… Here’s what I do in order to remember names: I actually try.

This works like a charm. Just listen to their name instead of thinking about how to introduce yourself. Then repeat their name consciously and baaam, you’re much more likely to remember their name. And when you see them the next time and don’t’ remember their name, no problem, just admit it and ask. And try again.

(I think it’s better to ask the first time for their name again instead of acting like you know and then get in a more embarrassing situation after you’ve seen each other quite a bit.)

Formal/ informal greetings: “Should I say Ciao or Hello, Sir?”

In English, this isn’t really an issue. In German, French and many other languages, though, there are formal and informal forms of greeting. This sometimes makes it overly complicated to greet strangers.

Should I greet formal or informal?

Luckily, there are neutral greetings like hello or good day etc. On top of that, most people don’t give a fuck whether they get greeted formally or informally. It’s the respect that counts.

Just go first and greet friendly.

It doesn’t really matter what word you use.

A fascinating detection (don’t miss that)

As it doesn’t really matter what word you use for greeting, try some of these: Heyaa, hi-ey, or yoyoyoo.

And you’ll see something fascinating: Many people will use the same word to greet you back (or a short version of the word; yo instead of yoyoyoo or hi instead of hi-ey ). This can be hilarious.

There are three examples that come to my mind. In the fitness center where I work, there’s this woman (quite hot) who says goodbye-eeey in a way that nobody else would say it –an almost ridiculous way. And it somehow came that once (or twice) I used the exact same word to say goodbye back to her. It maybe doesn’t sound funny, but I was laughing when it happened. And I’m sure this has happened to you too in some way or another.

The second example is of a former soccer coach of mine. Quick background: This happened in Switzerland, neighbor country from Austria and Germany amongst others. And this coach Bruno always used an Austrian (or German, I don’t really know) expression to greet. Nobody else used that word. Seriously, nobody. But I can imagine that he thought this word was quite common, just because people greeted him that way back. At least I used to greet him that way, and others surely did the same. I guess that comes naturally. So yeah, maybe he still thinks this is a common greeting.

The last example is from my semester abroad, in Oslo, Norway. How do they greet up there? They mainly use one word: HEJ. And now, I think this is quite funny, depending on people’s enthusiasm and joy about seeing you, they say the word much longer or shorter. A warm and friendly Heeeeeej if they’re super happy to see you. Or a quick and cold Hej if they’re not so happy to see you (or just don’t know you well).

Enough examples.

Point is, go first and greet people. For fun reasons, use uncommon expressions.

If the situation is more of a smiling situation, then smile. Doesn’t require anything. Just go first.

Or, and this is probably the easiest way of greeting, you can just sign that you’ve acknowledged the other person. You can wave, you can just move your finger, or, for all the lazy people out there, you can just raise your eyebrows. Simple as that.