Whether it's part of foreplay or the main event, fingering can be super pleasurable for people with vulvas—as long as it's done well. Bad digital stimulation isn't just a huge turn-off; it can also be incredibly painful! That's why we spoke with some sex-positive women about how men can up their fingering game.

Now, there's one big caveat here, which is that every woman and every vulva is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all method when it comes to fingering. Ultimately, the best fingering technique is asking your partner what feels good to them! Still, our sources said there are a few universal pointers that could help all guys get better with their hands.

Here’s who you’ll hear from:

Cherith Fuller, comedian and writer of the upcoming comedy album, Cool Chill Girl, which tackles themes exploring sexuality and modern dating

Cory B , kink coach and sex educator

, kink coach and sex educator Courtney Kocak, comedian and co-host of Private Parts Unknown , a sexualities podcast exploring conversations on sex, dating & gender

, a sexualities podcast exploring conversations on sex, dating & gender Sofiya Alexandra, comedian and co-host of Private Parts Unknown , a sexualities podcast exploring conversations on sex, dating & gender

1. Start slow

Cherith: “I can always tell when the man I’m with is trying to treat my body like a video game that he needs to win, like if he just goes HARDER AND FASTER HE’LL BEAT THIS LEVEL AND I’LL CUM, but it doesn’t work like that. Even women who likes to be finger fucked into oblivion need a build-up. Start with one finger, until you see that she’s getting into it, then slowly insert another finger.”

Sofiya: "I think a lot of men start waaaay too rough, like they’re trying to unclog my vagina. Definitely make sure she’s super wet before you start trying to get even one finger up there."

Note: lube helps!

2. Or start with your tongue

Cory: "Remember that the vagina doesn’t self-lubricate all the time, so use lube or consider going down on her first to get things wet."

Sofiya: "I like to start with giving her head until she’s wet, then continue to gently lick around the clit while I trace a very wet thumb around the opening. Then I gently slide the thumb in and out until she’s responding by grinding on my hand and mouth. Then I add the other very wet thumb."

Courtney: “Oh yeah, I love a good head/fingering double whammy.”

Cory: "Before diving right into fingering, give the clitoris (which has 8,000 nerve endings) some attention. The clitoris is located above the entrance to the vaginal canal and it’s very smooth in texture. Check in with your partner to see what kind of motions they like."

Cherith: "Really, the game changer with regards to fingering is clitoral stimulation. We need it, fellas! So you have a couple of different options. You could go down on her while you finger her, which is always great. You could use your other hand to massage her clit (make sure your fingers have some sort of lubrication, please, yikes). Or she could touch herself, which hopefully she feels comfortable enough to do with you."

Courtney: "Know where the clit is and don’t be scared of it. Sometimes it seems like dudes are afraid to play with the clit, but that’s the button I want you to hit!"

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4. Hit her G-spot with a “come hither” motion

Cory: "You’ll want to find the G-spot which is located on the upper part of the vaginal canal. Everyone’s G-spot is in a sightly different location, but generally, it’s 2-3 inches inside the body. While the walls of the vaginal canal are very smooth in texture, the G- spot feels like a wet sea sponge. To stimulate it, use the classic “come hither” motion with your fingers."

Cherith: "Curl your fingers inside her like you’re making that 'come hither' motion that people make when they talk. I have never told anyone to 'come hither,' but I have fingered a fair amount of people, so it works."

Courtney: "Making the 'come here' motion with your finger can be awesome, but it can also be a goddamn nightmare if the positioning is wrong. The whole point of the 'come hither' motion is to try to give her G-spot some love. If you’re just randomly bending your finger inside of the vagina, she’s more likely to murder you than to actually cum."

Sofiya: "Another good trick is to gently tweak/thumb her nipples while fingering her with your other hand and eating her out - but be careful, the amount of nipple play is highly specific to the girl; they’re our balls."

Courtney: "Yeah, I’m less of a nipple play gal—unless you’re lightly biting."

Cherith: "Or there are toys! Don’t be intimidated by toys. Trust me, they help everyone have a good time. A bullet vibrator + fingering will change everyone’s life."

Cory: "Using a vibrator on her clit while using your fingers to stimulate her G Spot is great because it allows you to keep your focus on her G-spot while she’s also getting clit-stimulation."

7. Wash your hands and cut your nails

Cherith: "Dear God, make sure you wash your hands. Please don’t give me BV (Bacterial Vaginosis) in addition to fingering me badly. Trim your nails too! Get a manicure! Treat yourself! And me! Treat me to a manicure! When I go on a date with a guy with well-kept nails I’m like 'Oh, we’re about to have a good time.'”

Sofiya: "Also, if I see that your nails are too long or your cuticles are rough, you’re not getting near my vagina. Moisturize those hands, hunny!"

Courtney: "If you’re not interested in clipping your nails or lotioning your rough hands, I’m not interested in you touching my vagina."

8. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it

Cory: "If it seems like they’re really enjoying a specific motion or sensation, stick to it! The easiest way to kill the path to orgasm is by changing up the rhythm or motion."

Zachary Zane Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, culture, and entertainment.

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