THILE: I’m Chris Thile, and I approve this message — mostly.

SANDERS: Let me just say this, Chris. I’ll cut right to the chase. Only the top one-tenth of one percent of the public radio listeners who are young today are paying their fair share of the costs of the very important service, okay? While the bottom 99 percent are spending their discretionary funds on cappuccinos and Minecraft, as if gamers need more caffeine. To ensure future growth, what this public radio needs is a membership revolution. A branding genius.

THILE: Sen. Sanders, do you — do you know one?

SANDERS: I’m afraid I do, and he’s all yours.

TRUMP: It’s true. It’s true. Only I can make public radio great again, okay? It’s true, okay? Let’s start with your loser incentives, all right? The boring mugs, the low-energy CDs, politically-correct tote bags. All losers, okay? When you pledge, I’ll send you the Gary Busey mug. When that mug wakes you up in the morning, you’ll remember where you got it from, all right? For your church-going listeners, how about this beautiful CD — it’s fantastic — Omarosa sings from Two Corinthians? All right? It’s very high-energy. Fantastic. And to top it off, my Totally Trump Tote: imitation gold vinyl, adjustable handles that fit even the smallest of hands, okay? And then, then it expands to fit very large, yuge hands, like mine.

SANDERS: Well, Chris, Chris. I unendorse my recommendation here, okay? All I can say is join the revolution now and pledge your support to this public radio station. Thank you.

THILE: Thank you Sen. Sanders, Mr. Trump, for something we all can agree on.