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I don’t know what our country is going to look like when this is all over. Will it be the fiery post-apocalyptic hellscape we all make jokes about? Will it look pretty much the same except with a Russian flag flying over the White House and a new Matthew Perry sitcom in the fall line-up? Or will our democracy emerge from the ashes like Winona Ryder at the end of Heathers: firmer, wiser, and not so prone to being swayed by fuckbois?

I don’t know. But I do know this: You’re going to wish Hillary Clinton won.

I don’t say this to the majority of Americans who wanted her to win, the 3 million more of us who voted for her to win. I don’t even say this to the people who voted for Trump and now regret it. We already wish she won, every moment of every day. Rather I say this to the dolts and diehards—the craven Republicans who have betrayed their own country in support of a questionably literate egomaniac; the Harambe-or-Busters who are doubling down on the “There was no difference” defense; the angry incels probably on the payroll of RT.com; and the 53 percent of white women who are so complicit in their own subjugation they smack the hand of someone trying to pull them up while embracing the hand that’s grabbing their pussy.

You’re going to wish she had won.

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Let’s check in on Earth 2, which for you less comic book inclined is like that episode of Scandal where Olivia Pope had never fixed the election and Fitz lost. Let’s look at the parallel universe where Hillary won. (As opposed to this one where Hillary won, but Russian interference determined otherwise.) We would be a year and a half into her presidency. She would have done some things we loved, some things we hated, some we had to make peace with as being the only compromise available. A portion of people who “held their nose” while voting for her would be openly critical of every misstep she made that seemed to only illustrate their initial criticisms. And you, ride-or-die Trump supporters, you would get to criticize her every day. And not just for a bunch of old stuff that was already proven untrue or no big deal, but for new stuff. Every day she would do something that you could hold a hearing over; that you could opine about on Breitbart and Fox News; that you could call someone an “ugly, fat, baby killing, snowflake c***” on Twitter for. You wouldn’t be scraping the bottom of the hate barrel like you are now, still trying to squeeze some offense out of the stone that is her server. It would be like Christmas every day of the year. (And I know how much you like that C-word.) Why an old white man would put fresh ideas of outrage in your stocking of a brain every single day! It would be like a four-year-long Hanukkah of Hillary Hate and if you were really lucky, you’d get another four. Oh, you Dummies, look what you gave up by your short-sightedness.

Instead, Hillary is receiving honorary degrees at universities and standing ovations at Broadway shows. She was voted (again!) as the woman Americans admire most in the world. And most importantly, she doesn’t have you hateful, easily led, willfully ignorant, cowards to appease anymore. She has rolled up the cuffs of her pantsuit to wade into “fuck free” waters by saying exactly what she thinks in interviews and trolling Trump on Twitter.

This is the fate that could have been Trump’s. If I have to find a silver lining in having this middle management for the Russian government steal our SCOTUS seats, alienate our closest allies, imprison children and destroy families, while the Republican party sharpens his pencils and is sweet-talked into “Just the Tip” treason, it is this. You could have had every day to beat up on Hillary anew. And Trump could have been there on the sidelines to revel in it. Instead, you have to waste your time mastering the contortionist act that is defending treason as a member of the “America First” party, a yoga position best called Downward Spiraling Democracy. “The traitor in me recognizes the traitor in you. Namaste.”

And here is another reason you are going to wish she won: because hell hath no fury like a country full of women who were right. A country full of women and people of color and LGBTQ persons and people with disabilities who were right and instead were dismissed and harassed and screamed slurs at and abused and arrested and told we don’t matter. You have told us that the only way to combat your hate fueled war on us is to raise our voices—loudly—and to protest and organize with everything we have. To tell our stories and call out your bigotry every time we see it. Every. Time. Thank you for that.



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I don’t know what the end looks like. But I do know that above the din of flames and zombie moans and strains of “God Save the Tsar” and promos for Matthew Perry’s new show, you will hear us, fighting for each other and this country you have so callously sold to the highest bidder. And you’re going to wish she had won.