The Icarus Factor - 2.14

This episode was specifically requested by a couple of people: Stacey B. called it “a feast for the senses,” which is pretty apt, and Jaquitron pointed out the “ridiculous ‘martial arts’ costumes around 7 minutes from the end. It’s like Power Rangers-meets-Robocop with giant Q-tips as weapons.”

She then added, “Even if you don’t end up featuring these, I hope that they at least amused you.”

GIRL, ARE YOU NEW? WE WILL FEATURE THOSE. WE WOULD FUCKING WEAR THOSE IF WE COULD.

Anyway, the episode starts out blandly enough, with Riker’s dad arriving on the Enterprise for a visit. Rikes greets him like a sullen teen:

You can’t tell me what to do (with my beard)

Mr. Riker (whose first name is KYLE, which makes him sound like a crush object and/or bully in a mid-90s Nickelodeon show) has somehow taken oatmeal and made it into a jumpsuit:

Jumpsuits are not as good for your heart, though

If you’ve read this blog for a while, you know my feelings on beige. For the newbies, my feelings on beige are best expressed by the sound of the word “beige” if Droopy Dog was saying it. It’s depressing and not a color. Kyle has attempted to spice up this outfit with some shoulder pads and an interesting undershirt:

The Fairchild Collection by Morgan for Morgan Fairchild

The mock turtleneck that from afar looked like solid black is in fact a Harley Quinn-inspired red and black checked pattern. I do appreciate this second attempt at making this outfit more than just a giant man-shaped beige sweater, but overall it’s a snooze and a half.

His hair looks great, though. And a girl could get lost in those brows.

Meanwhile, down in Engineering, Geordi is yelling at someone in a modified Jeffries tube suit:

You tryna step? You tryna step? I thought not

Is this a variant of the uniform we see Shimoda wearing in The Naked Now? Is it a Jeffries tube suit that this guy has cut the sleeves off of? And most importantly: why doesn’t it have a belt? That elastic waist was never meant to be seen. Whatever the case, Geordi is NOT having it. This lady’s got one too:

The sleeves are detachable for an instant Gun Show

Over in Ten-Forward, there is some GREAT hair game going on at the end of the bar:

What is she, a Nordic model?

Girl is rocking a blunt bang combined with a high chignon AND some sort of armpit ringer tee. Her all-girl xylophone band will be playing at the craft fair later. So in rolls Kyle, still wearing that same oatmeal jumpsuit:

I like consistency in my breakfasts AND jumpsuits

Check. Out. Those. Pant. Cuffs. I can’t take back EVERYTHING I said about this outfit - it’s still terrible - but those pant cuffs are SO WEIRD AND GREAT. And it makes me think he’s a little bit vain about his shoes, because he put a little curtain around them, which I enjoy.

As he walks into the party like he was walking onto a yacht, whose eye should he catch but Puke-laski:

RomanticPianoSwell.mp3

And then this happens. Ugh

I was going to say I’m sorry you had to see that, but you know what? Even Puke-laski can get a little sugar now and again. I don’t want to see it either, but no one is forcing me to watch this. The next time you’re tempted to be, like, pissed at a fat dude in a Speedo or an old lady in a tube top because they’re “burning your eyes,” consider the fact that they’re not there for your eyes and let them live their goddamn lives!

…that got away from me there. Anyway, this is still pretty grodes. O’Brien thinks so:

Is he confused, or aroused? Could be both

In the background, a young Tovah Feldshuh looks on while wearing a monochromatic 1940s-style dirndl dress. Not gonna lie: I’d wear it.

Oh, btw, there is a B story happening this whole time with Worf being petulant and not telling anyone why, and Geordi, Data, and Wesley trying to cheer him up or remind him of his Klingonness or something. Worf is like:

Our little warrior is grumpy today

And Data is like “I got this”:

Terror smile

But he does NOT got this, and Worf gets even more pissy. We’ll revisit them in a second. I mostly included this for the hair of the Ten-Forward employee back there. DAT CURL.

Meanwhile, the reason that Kyle Riker is on board is that Will Riker has been asked to captain another, non-Enterprise ship and Kyle is gonna be like “son, think of your CAREER.” Kyle gazes at a photo of him and little Will as he considers this:

So many pockets for so many issues

Classic Dad activity, fishing. Classic Dad vest. Classic Dad pose. Classic Dad mountains. Classic Dad emotional distance. Classic Dad inability to express emotions. CLASSIC DAD.

Okay, so through the episode, Riker’s been working on his Dad Shit and Worf has been working on his Klingon Shit, and both of them decide to go to therapy weekly to try to sort out what’s going on with them and why they act the way they do.

LOL, no they don’t. Worf participates in a Klingon Rite of Ascension anniversary ceremony and Riker fights his dad American Gladiators-style. Obviously.

Let’s address Worf first. This is actually really sweet of his crewmates/friends – they set up this Klingon Hall of Blood in the holodeck and fill it with terrifying Klingons just for him!! Be our guest/Be our guest/Put our painsticks to the test

Worf has to walk through this Soul Train and get electrocuted by these guys, who are all traditionally clad in Klingon wear: Cute leggings

Klingon fashion is all fairly consistent: a sinister-looking catcher’s uniform combined with some fierce boots.

It ends with Worf getting zapped, but also feeling like a real Klingon:

The pain means it’s working

So that’s great.

Now on to the Riker Fight. Do you guys remember Tron? And how it looked so stupid? Well, get ready for even MORE STUPID-LOOKING SUITS:

Two stupids enter, one stupid leaves

Actually, I have immediately changed my stance on these outfits. I kind of like them. They are appropriately bananas for this Anbo-jyutsu match. They might be wearing knee-high Air Jordans. These ALSO look like catcher’s uniforms, but instead of the Klingons’ “goth teen catcher” vibe, they bring to mind a futuristic gay baseball-themed musical revue called “Three Strikes and You’re Out (of the Closet)!”

I also enjoy that the suits match but aren’t the same. The gay baseball revue costume designer really has an eye for that kind of thing.

RED ON GREY

“This number is called ‘Pitchers and Catchers’ - I think you’re really going to like it.”

GREY ON RED

“Here’s a little ditty I like to call 'Hangin’ in the Bullpen’ - hope you enjoy!”

And check out the shit-eating grin you can wear when you remove the mask’s face plate:

Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.

In the end, Kyle and Will realize they do love each other and learn to express their feelings (in a manly way, with giant Q-tip fighting).

AND THE CAT’S IN THE CRADLE AND THE SILVER SPOOOOOOOON

Don’t fly too close to the sun y’all!