NEW YORK—the tragic story of the hundreds of Nigerian girls kidnapped by Boko Haram in May reached a surprising and uplifting conclusion today, as polling showed that the American public had successfully dealt with the upsetting news and was moving on.

“I think we were all worried that Americans would continue to be agitated by this news for months or even years to come,” said David McGiltrick, Professor of Empathy Studies at the University of Texas. “It’s really heart-warming to see that we are all just letting go and moving on with our lives.”

McGiltrick also noted that while some groups continued to be upset by the failure to investigate and return the girls, “including their parents, which I guess is understandable,” almost no one else seemed to care very much at this point.

“It really looked like we were pulling out all the stops,” he said. “People changing their Facebook profile pictures, lots of Twitter activity, even mentions at some sporting events. But at long last, it’s back to business as usual.”

In other news, Michelle Obama explained that when she had demanded justice for the kidnappings, she had “just been messing around with you.”



Happily, images like these “don’t seem to be bothering us” any more, experts say