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IN A SERIES of events no one could have possibly predicted, the media has yet again decided to report nothing but US president Donald Trump’s most mock-worthy comments which are devoid of any substance and only serve to soak up all the media’s fickle attention, instead of putting the policies pursued by his administration to the fore of reporting.

“Holy fucking shit did you hear what he said about Greenland?” the media giddily said for what must be the third day in a row, forgetting the empty feeling that came with the last time it dawned on them Trump played the media in a game of distracting everyone from his previous distraction ahead of a new upcoming distraction.

“Don’t forget he also said he was ‘the chosen one’, who does he think he is, Jesus?” piped up another section of the media, purposefully taking that particular quote out of context in the hope readers could be convinced to become outraged over the wrong thing for the 943rd day in a row.

Some media consumers, eager to learn about subjects in detail are holding out hope that once this Greenland business subsides outlets will potentially devote their resources to following up on anything of actual substance. However, possessing such hope has been labeled as stupid as the media’s belief that by showing footage of Trump’s outlandish and unchallenged remarks on repeat 24/7 qualifies as ‘journalism’.

“If you’ve come here to learn the nuances of the Trump administration policies and how they are affecting the average American, boy have you come to the wrong place,” confirmed one journalist hard at work on their 11th Greenland-related article of the day.