Disclaimer: This post – as indicated in the title – is about toilets. Though there are no stories detailing dirty business, it is implied. If you prefer more heart-warming topics, why not consider my posts about my favorite Berliner and having a baby in Germany.

Why are toilets feminine? The toilet is “die Toilette“ auf Deutsch. One of the many pronouns that make no sense, I have time to contemplate this oddity of German as I use one every day and have sampled facilities across Germany. I would consider myself an expert.

And I think German toilets may be superior. Hear me out…

I haven’t always felt this way. Upon opening my first German lid I was alarmed by two things – the lack of water and what appeared to be a shelf we’ve lovingly come to call the “lay-and-display”.

Where’s the Water?

I never thought about toilet water before leaving the US of A. But the lack of water in German toilets had me re-considering American toilets’ exuberant flow. On average, US toilets use two to three gallons of water for each flush. Two to three gallons (or 7.5 to 11.3 liters)!

Germans have a necessary obsession with energy usage and efficiency as energy costs are much higher in Europe. The extravagance of extra water literally equates to flushing money down the toilet. This is also more environmentally friendly which is sure to make any German happy.

To further facilitate saving water, there are usually two buttons to start the flow – one smaller embedded button for less water for number one and a larger push button for more water for number two. Unlike those low-flow toilets I’ve encountered in the States, most Germans toilets feature impressive suction despite the low water levels.

Back in the States, the overabundance of water felt positively decadent. And splashy. I am shocked to say that I am a German convert on this issue.

German Toilet Shelf

More surprising than the lack of water is the presence of a shelf in many toilets. I can hear you asking, “A shelf?! Like to put things on?”. My answer is yes, a shelf inside your toilet to put something very specific on. BM. Excrement. A #2. Scheiße.

What I came to know as the “lay-and-display” German toilet model has horrified and scarred many an expat or traveler. Instead of excretions making the plunge straight into the water, this toilet has a prominent shelf midway to catch everything.

The natural question is why, oh why!, would Germans create this? And Germans have a practical, disgusting answer. I m told that the shelf is indeed to catch one’s leavings for examination. I have even heard this is for easy stool sample collection. How many stool samples is the average German taking?

The obvious downside (besides smell) is how to get the poo all the way down. A good German toilet has turbo suction that whisks away the offending object, but you may be left with Bremsstreifen (skid marks). After some experimentation and chatting with other “lay-and-display” survivors, I have heard of several solutions.

Pre-flush – A delicate matter of timing can theoretically lube up the bowl with water just as you send down your offerings.

– A delicate matter of timing can theoretically lube up the bowl with water just as you send down your offerings. Lay down extra paper – Another preparatory measure, laying down a little nest of toilet paper can possibly help ease the transition of the poo into the water below.

– Another preparatory measure, laying down a little nest of toilet paper can possibly help ease the transition of the poo into the water below. Scoot forward – This requires some real maneuvering to aim forward to miss the shelf entirely.

– This requires some real maneuvering to aim forward to miss the shelf entirely. Toilet brush – The most common solution is to just clean up the mess. The omnipresent toilet brush can be found beside any toilet bowl in a residence, hotel room or at a restaurant. If you do leave a mark in a public place it is expected you clean it up.

Obviously this is a rather large flaw for those of us not interested in examining our leavings. But as I mentioned before, somewhere in the mysteries of low water/high shelf I have yet to come across a toilet that has jammed. Maybe I’m just lucky, but after spending a portion of my visit back to the States with plunger in hand I am bowing down to the German toilet. I’ll trade a plunger for a brush any day.

So there you have it – the fascinating German toilet. What toilets have you found on your travels?