PRESIDENT Trump has left a 32,000-word out-of-office email message, including discussion of the electoral college and his daughter’s business, for while he is away.

The out-of-office, written by Trump himself, begins by stating that he will be on vacation but continuing to work harder than any other president, and also that he is better than all of them at golf.

The email also speculates on the ‘disrespectful’ enquiries likely to be received from ‘the failing fake news media’ who refuse to cover the administration’s many incredible achievements.

The reply then veers off to tell a long, rambling story about a mall-building millionaire who Trump once knew, before lurching into vehement denials of collusion with Russia which confirm several key details about collusion with Russia.

White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said: “It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters anymore. Haven’t you noticed?”