Freedom isn’t free, the saying goes. And neither is the opposite of freedom, which for today’s purpose, is the impeachment of President Donald Trump. Counting legal fees for a slew of legal teams, experts, time, maintenance, and constant deliveries of Chardonnay, you and I, Mr. and Mrs. Taxpayer, are looking at about 2 and a half billion dollars. Hope your boss can give you a raise.

Speaker of the House Pelosi isn’t too keen on having that number creep out into the public eye, so yesterday, as evidenced by the filing of re-appropriation form 77-A in the Congressional Budget office, she quickly moved the amount from the Department of Social Security to cover the cost. Are you retired? Well get ready to pay, bitch.

Independent journalist Jay Garrick sped to Pelosi’s office and got a brief statement:

“Well most of Trump’s voters and supporters are retired seniors. I think it’s fitting that we ask them to help pay to fix the mistake they made. They’ll just have to do without cable for a year or two. Okay? Now excuse me, I have to meet up with my liquor boy.”

The price tag for this little dog and pony show seems awfully steep, especially with only a little more than half of Americans approving it. Let’s hope that at the very least, we get a T-shirt.