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January 29th, 2010

Someone asked what I thought about Apple’s iPad. I wrote back:

This was the most hype I’ve seen since Hope and Change. The iPad is going to save publishing. It’s going to save marriages. The blind will see and the deaf will hear! Pay Steve Jobs a commission everytime you want to scratch your ass and golden rays of Glory will shine down upon you.

HA. Steve Jobs came off as a franchisee of a Reverend Wayne’s Pearly Gates establishment. I’m sure his followers ate it up. “It’s wonderful. It’s wonderful. It’s wonderful.” HAHA Did you watch the keynote? You should. It was a religious event.

All I see is a large iPod that serves as a tamperproof vending machine.

Can a platform get any more locked down than the iPad? Apple alone decides what’s allowed to run on that thing.

No Flash. What if someone needs to view a site that requires Flash? Personally, I block Flash content by default, but sometimes, I want it available.

No USB ports. I guess you’ll be able to buy an arrangement of dongles to restore functionality that should have been built in. No thanks.

I’m not even interested enough to find out more reasons why I wouldn’t go near that thing, but I’m sure that there are many, many more.

This isn’t really a fair criticism of the device, but I refuse to use the web without Firefox running an array of filters and blockers. While this isn’t an issue for most people (who don’t even know what operating system they’re using), for me personally, it’s a definite deal breaker.

The $130 premium for the 3G version? Absurd. Being able to watch the already collapsing AT&T network brought to its knees by zombies pulling down multiple gigabytes of sludge to their CrackPads? Priceless.

If you’re going to drink the Kool-Aid, sip, don’t gulp,

Kevin

Economy, Religion, Technology | Posted in Dictatorship Top Of Page