Fair warning

After the latest controversy, the ICC has decided to make it official: from now on, a bowler will not be able to run out a non-striking batsman without warning him at least once, and at most three or four times. According to the new law, it is incumbent upon the bowler to ensure that not only has the offending batsman had prior warning, but that the well-being of his family has been politely enquired about, and, in certain unique circumstances, his cheeks playfully, but not forcefully, pinched, "as would an affectionate uncle to a slightly dim-witted child".

Ajmal overlooked because too short - ICC

In what could prove to be a major embarrassment for the ICC, the sport's governing body has admitted that the real reason why diminutive Pakistan spinner Saeed Ajmal was overlooked for a Test Cricketer of the Year nomination was because they couldn't see him. "When we were scanning the room for potential candidates, we unfortunately didn't see him standing there," said ICC CEO Dave Richardson. "Apparently Ajmal was right in front of us but we missed him because he was, well, below our field of vision. All we saw were some of the bigger lads at the back." Richardson agreed that the situation wasn't helped any by the fact that the selections were being made for a shortlist.

Deccan Chargers to throw in free year's subscription to Reader's Digest for buyer

After struggling to find a buyer, the Deccan Chargers have decided to sweeten the pot by throwing in a year's free subscription to Reader's Digest. The popular magazine will be available to the lucky buyer upon signing the cheque for the struggling franchise. "He or she can enjoy such Reader's Digest classics as Laughter is the Best Medicine and Humour in Uniform," said a miserable-looking Kumar Sangakkara. "We figured that whoever it is who decides to buy us has to have a twisted sense of humour, so our offer can't hurt."

Post-retirement, Strauss embraces daring Twitter life

Andrew Strauss has revealed that he is enjoying a new-found sense of danger and adventure after resigning the England captaincy and retiring from all forms of cricket. "People talk about the perks of retirement," said a smugly grinning Strauss, "but for an England player, I imagine none can be as satisfying or thrilling as following who you want and posting whatever you like on Twitter." The former captain went on to speak of the freedom he had found in "allowing" himself to speak in exclamation points and his pleasure at discovering the joy of Rolling On The Floor while Laughing Out Loud. Strauss' first Twitter post after retirement was a response to a tweet from none other than the notorious fake Kevin Pietersen account, which he admitted starting to follow not a day after announcing his retirement. "Hi, this is former England captain Andrew Strauss, and I'm here to say that I found that tweet about Kevin Pietersen not just funny, but true," read Strauss' post. "LOL!"

McGrath to head Pace Academy, receives new nickname

In preparation for his role as head of the MRF Pace Academy in India, McGrath is said to have received a new nickname. He will no longer be known as Pigeon but Sitting Duck.

Tendulkar rubbishes rumours he is ageing

Sachin Tendulkar dismissed rumours that the reason he was bowled three times in succession against New Zealand recently is because his reflexes are slowing due to age. "These allegations are baseless," said Tendulkar, "I simply do not age. I mean, just look at me; look at my hair, look at my skin," he told startled reporters before grabbing the hand of one of them and running the back of it against his baby-smooth cheek. "Go on, you can touch it, don't be shy. You feel that? Tell me you don't feel that," Tendulkar asked the reporter, who managed to tear his arm away and, struggling to muffle a sob, make a break for the nearest exit.

Bonus Feature: A terrible joke for a spinner to tell

The following is an idea for a cocktail-party joke that one spinner might tell at another, older spinner's expense:

"He's so old he's practically spinning in his grave."

This concludes the idea for a cocktail-party joke that one spinner might tell at another, older spinner's expense.