In the world of Tamriel, an island called Morrowind awaits. No wait, it wasn't the island, the island was Vvardenfall. Right. Right. So anyone there once stood a chick (dark elves with big boobs, the kind that you envisioned while reading Barensiah) who roamed around the ghastly port of Hla Oad. No, really. She roamed - she flew because of her inflated boobs. In fact, everything she did was inflated. See, she was the queen of levitation, and so everything she did had something to do with air and how it moves or the wind (especially when she blows you). Okay, so her boobs aren't inflated, cause that's just gross people up.

So one day, she decided to make bloomsberry cake. A elder scrolls guy walked up to her and said, "mmm.. what's that delicious smell?" And she says, "hmmmm... something."

And he goes, "Whatzat?"

"Something you'll never know."

And so he gets curious right? I mean, here's this beauty making cake or something that smells delicious right in the middle of the forest with nothing on but that skin-tight alit clothe and she's taunting you (of course, he didn't know really, but being male and being the one who has to be aggressive and all that, let's just say he was sexually curious alright?) so, he gets up and goes to the beautiful young beauty of the air. She looks at him, all twirled in a fight with a demon named Satha Sil (his brother actually, so I guess you can call him Vivec). Right, so Vivec goes up to her, and she says, "hey, watchit, you're getting close! Move away you gross idiot! Jeez!"

And he, being male, takes all that stuff she just said and turns it into a sexually affirming, "yes." So he gets even closer.

Well, now the queen of the air is really mad. I mean, she's just ready to blow it. "If that guy gets closer to me with his bump getting larger and larger, I'll just have to..." And so she smiles.

Next, she rapidly taunts, "Hey sexy, I'll give you something I KNOW you want."

And he goes, "oh, boy, oh, boy, this is my lucky day!"

So she takes the cake, right? She adds a little extra incredient to the thing, and she says, "Eat this, it's delicious, and after it I'll blow you, any way you want."

Well, now Vivec's bump is just so large he can't disobey anything she says. When a mix of hunger and sex, it's always sex before hunger, but then Vivec WAS pretty wierd before he became god.

So he goes, "I'll eat it!" He chumps it up.

Vivec says, "hey, pretty good."

"Well then," she says, "I guess I'll have to start blowing you."

She blows a slight gust.

Suddenly, he starts floating! I mean, floating, right there in the middle of the woods. "Wha wha?? I'm flying ahhhhh!"

So little did he know she just created a super-light weight feather formula for idiots.

Oh! That's right, I remember the title! :

HOW VIVEC MET ALMELEXIA

AND HOW HE (JUST) GOT BLOWN AWAY