Sometimes, I get very disheartened by what I do. I work hard, pour a lot of time, effort and love into my content. I’m constantly thinking about what to do next, who to talk to, what interesting features I can come up with…only for a lot of it to be utterly dismissed by both viewers and industry peers.

Current case in point - I came back from an exhausting (but amazing!) E3, went straight back to work, stayed up until 4am to edit seven videos - the last of which I was so proud of, because I think we hit the right balance of fun and information. I then spent the last two days touring around UK to work on more BAFTA shoots. I come back, and find people up in arms that I made one incorrect comment about Pokemon (a rather enterprising individual has been harassing me for a solid week, saying that I should film an apology), or that the final video isn’t really ‘reporting’, it’s a glorified vlog, or that I seem to be unfair to PlayStation (utterly untrue, I just said that Microsoft upped their game this year). The real knife in between the ribs is being told ‘kim dis e3 coverage is reli borin, get bak 2 makin real vidoes’ (This is genuine, copy-pasted from the comments section).

And then there’s the ever bubbling argument about WORDS VS VIDEO, which to be honest, breaks my heart. Mainly because I’ve spanned both professions in my seven year career in the games industry. I really don’t understand this need for division and boundaries, for the hatred and complaint. As a friend said recently - you get good writers and bad writers. You get good YouTubers and bad YouTubers. Please don’t tar us all with the same brush. I think that sometimes, it’s very easy for people to forget the amount effort, drive, passion and sheer hard work that goes into what we do. Communication is key. Why not talk to us, rather than snipe from Twitter accounts? People should always talk to each other, not at each other.

Games journalism is a constantly changing format that has the unique feature of appealing to people of all ages and backgrounds, people who like different things, and consume information and media in different ways. Why does there have to be just one rigid format to suit all? Why do these formats have to be at war with each other?

I don’t know, maybe I just need a break from what has been an exhausting couple of months. I’m in a space right now where I feel that I’ve given it my all, and it’s not enough. Those bad comments on YouTube, the demands that get sent through to your Twitter account, the complaints about your face, your hair, your accent, the fact that you made a mistake, the pornographic ‘fan’ art that makes it’s way to your inbox, the casualness at which people crap on your work, the cold-gut shock at realising that people you once worked with no longer want to talk to you because of where you are now, the flippant dismissal of what you do by industry peers - sometimes it just gets too much. Sometimes, I feel like when an exhausted Russell Crowe stood in the middle of that braying crowd and screamed ‘ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?’

Don’t get me wrong; there are encouraging comments, constructive feedback, gorgeous pieces of fan art, and those one off letters that completely take you by surprise, because someone’s taken the time and effort to thank you for having an impact on their lives. And all of this has always overwhelmed me and encouraged me. It is something that I’m endlessly humbled by and thankful for. It’s just that sometimes, things get through that chink in your armour, wriggle into your rib cage, eat up your insides and leave you empty and hollow. I guess it’s been especially amplified in recent months by working long days, and the increasing noise from all angles; the viewers, peers, and professionals I look up to.

I’m not writing this for sympathy. I don’t expect things to change, or the negative comments to stop. I’m just asking you to think before you hit ‘enter’ on that comments box. To realise that there is a person behind that video, that article, that videogame; that hard work and dedication has gone into what you’re watching. Is what you’re about to say going to add to that, or detract from it? Just think.

I love what I do. Watching the industry evolve from where it was seven years ago to today, then wondering where it will go next is a privilege. We work in an exciting, thriving industry that innovates and surprises. We are passionate people; whether we’re consumers, creators or commentators. And I wouldn’t want to work in a world that didn’t run on enthusiasm, drive, and a love for what we do. I just sometimes wish for less of the stigma, the complaints, the entitlement, from all sides. I wish that people would stop getting snarled up in the negatives, and celebrate the positives. A pretty naive hope, I know, but one I’m going to cling on to.