It Takes 42 to Tango

The tango is a partner dance that originated in the late 1800s on the border of Argentina and Uruguay. Tango is characterized by long elegant steps, syncopated rhythmic footwork, and traditionally requires 42 people.

Two partners, who we will refer to as #1 and #2, begin the dance by making eye contact from opposite sides of the room, approaching each other, embracing, and moving across the dance floor in time with the music. #1 leads, #2 follows.

A third person (#3) enters the dance by tapping #1 on the shoulder and asking permission to “cut in,” thereby displacing him in the dance.

Person number four (#4) enters holding her seventh drink of the night. She accidentally spills it all over #2’s dress, forcing #2 to angrily excuse herself to the restroom. #4 makes eyes at #3 and they begin to dance.

Person number five (#5) is in a serious committed relationship with #3, and had no idea #3 started dancing with #2 and subsequently #4 while she was having a cigarette on the patio. She enters the dance by asking #4 just what in the hell she thinks she’s doing dancing with #3. #4 responds by vomiting and stumbling off the dance floor.

Person number six (#6) enters the dance when #5 pulls him away from his partner (#7), and begins aggressively grinding on him, attempting to incite jealousy in #3 as retribution for dancing with #2 and #4. #3 reciprocates by aggressively grinding on #7.

Number eight (#8) is #7’s father. He is owner of the dance club and head of a crime family. He has been watching from the balcony with numbers nine (#9), ten (#10), and eleven (#11), who are members of said crime family. #8 motions for #’s 9-11 to protect the dignity of his daughter (#7) by taking #3 out into the back alley and teaching him what happens when you disrespect #8’s daughter (#7).

Numbers twelve (#12), thirteen (#13), and fourteen (#14), members of a rival crime family headed by number fifteen (#15), enter the dance when they see #’s 9-11 to grab their brother, #3, and begin dragging him off the dance floor. They pull out handguns and begin shouting threats at #’s 9-11, who drop #3 and also pull out handguns.

Numbers sixteen through thirty-nine (#’s16-39) enter the dance as they attempt to dodge stray bullets from guns being fired by #’s 9-11 and #’s 12-14. #19 is hit squarely in his left thigh and falls to the ground, writhing in pain. #22 and #27 are critically wounded and die within minutes.

The dance continues as #’s 9-11 and #’s 12-14 barricade themselves behind tables and continue firing on one another. #13 shoots #9 in the forehead. He dies instantly.

Numbers forty and forty-one (#40 and #41) enter the dance when they arrive on the scene in record time in their police cruiser, guns drawn. They open fire on #’s 10-14, while crime lord #15 slinks out the back door unnoticed.

The dance comes to a climax just as #40 and #41, believing they have squashed the threat to public safety by killing #’s 10-14, holster their guns and turn their backs on the scene, giving #3 an opportunity to pry a gun out of his dead brother’s (#14’s) hand, and shoot them both in the back.

Number forty-two (#42), a stunning brunette wearing high heels and a knock-out red dress that could cause a man’s heart to rocket into his throat, enters the dance through the front door of the club, looks at #3 and coyly asks, “Am I late?”

The dance concludes as #3, despite being devastated by the death of his brothers, is charmed by the gall of #42, drops his gun, walks across the dance floor, and, in a moment of pure disregard for the tragedy that life has thrust upon him, embraces her. The two begin moving across the dance floor in time with the music. #3 leads, and #42 follows.