Moneygall, IRELAND: It seemed that speculation over President Obama’s birth certificate was ended in the month of April when the long-form version of the President’s birth certificate was released. In that document, it was learned that:

1) Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii.

2) His mother’s name is Stanley.

3) His birth was not celebrated with the slaying of 100 virgins.

For a whole month, birth conspiracy theorists that believed President Obama to be Un-American, Muslim, and the sign of the Apocalypse were quieted, save for a meager few who believed that the original birth certificate should be sent to their homes for direct confirmation.

“I didn’t see anything except a picture on my computer of Obama’s birth certificate,” stated Robert Welling. “Know what else I saw on the internet? A copy of his birth certificate saying his father was Adolf Hitler and his mother was Cleopatra and he was born on the moon. So what am I really supposed to believe?”

Now that birthers have come to terms with the certificate of birth, they were forced to dig deeper to find something to invalidate President Obama’s American citizenship. What they learned was startling: President Obama was actually Irish.

Earlier this week, President Obama traveled to Moneygall, Ireland, where his great-great-great grandfather hails from, a branch of the president’s family tree that was all but known by birthers. Now the theorists are stretching further to invalidate the president.

“The idea of Obama’s Irish hertitage proves that the birth certificate is a forgery, or inconclusive, or any other words that questions Obama’s citizenship,” explained Mr. Welling. “Nowhere on that birth certificate does it say that his great-great-great-great-great grandfather was Irish. I think that’s some pretty damning evidence right there.”

“This whole Irish thing just proves my point. Obama could be a cross-heritage terrorist,” explained national doughboy spokesman Glenn Beck. “He not only has long-diluted blood ties to Al Queda, but to the IRA, and maybe even blood-thirsty vikings. Is this the type of man you want as president of the United States? Impeach!”