ALLENTOWN, PA—Marveling at the creature’s unrestrained enthusiasm, local pet owner Jessica Palmer told reporters Monday that her box turtle, Lars Von Tortoise, had been going hog wild on his terrarium’s new moss-covered stick. “Damn, he’s really going nuts on that thing,” said Palmer, adding that the turtle had not been this fired up since she brought home some new pebbles for his miniature lagoon. “I thought after a few minutes he’d be over it, but it’s been almost an hour and he’s still nudging it like a mad man. And look at him trying to bite at the stick, too! He’s just having the time of his life in there.” At press time, sources confirmed the euphoric reptile had succumbed to exhaustion and passed out under his hollow plastic rock.

Advertisement