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Butler County, Ohio, is angry that the groundhog got his prediction wrong. At some future time, visitors from another planet — or, perhaps, our own ancestors, who somehow come across the drifting remains of our modern life for the first time — will find this news article and be completely perplexed.

Fox 19 in Cincinnati, Ohio, reports on this significant legal action.

Officials in Butler County, Ohio have indicted a famous groundhog for the rash of cold winter type weather we've been having.



The indictment, filed by Butler County Prosecuting Attorney Michael Gmoser, alleges that on or about February 02, 2013, at Gobbler's Knob, Punxsutawney Phil did purposely, and with prior calculation and design, cause the people to believe that Spring would come early.

There is also a link provided to the entire indictment. Phil's prediction that winter was ending is apparently an "unclassified felony" in Butler County, called "MISREPRESENTATION OF EARLY SPRING." This crime offends "the peace and dignity of the State Of Ohio," which, having lived there myself, takes some doing.

Also: Residents of Butler County? You might want to figure out how much this cost you in tax dollars.

Since we're here, let's go with it. Allow me to rise in defense of Phil, with whom I share the unending bonds of both first name and poor foresight.

Prosecuting attorney Michael Gmoser accuses Phil of acting "with prior calculation and design." This is categorically untrue. The test presented to my client, Phil, demanded he react to an unknown factor: the presence or absence of his shadow. Until the door of his hutch (or whatever he lives in) was opened, he had no knowledge of how he would respond.