Originally, I planned a post for this week called “Screw You Peaceful-Attachment Parenting, I Just Want My Kid To Do What I Freaking Say.” It was about exactly what the title suggests- my frustration with being all empathetic when I really want to pull out every hair on my head over my children’s behavior or what-not.

I was still in the process of editing and re-editing, trying to explain myself in a humorous way without sounding like an evil harpy. I went to bed feeling somewhat satisfied with it.

Then Emily woke my up before the actual crack of dawn. It was still completely dark in our room, and yet I knew she was not going back to sleep. The first words I uttered to my husband were, “I hate everything and I want to tie your nuts up in a knot for making me have babies.”

He laughed and hugged me. I felt somewhat better.

That was when I decided not to publish my original post, mentioned above.

Often, the cure for my constant-low-level-but-functional depression is talking it out to the point where I am sick of listening to myself talk anymore. And that’s where I was at six a.m., all bitched out. I mean, really, how many posts can one blogger write about being annoyed, frustrated, overwhelmed and exhausted?

I decided to do some cognitive restructuring on myself, by looking at the sunflowers that my son planted three months ago. They have grown to be about ten feet tall, so tall in fact that it is hard to get a decent picture of them because the blooms are so high up. We have been watching them grow all summer and waiting for them to blossom, which they started to do in the past week.

It can’t be all bad, right? I thought to myself as I got dressed and ready for the day.

The day was okay. It was my day to be home with the children, as Mondays always are. I was very tired and on a short fuse with the kids, but things were decent. Emily was exceptionally fussy and also refused to nap, which is totally unlike her, so I think she might be teething. Jack was very kind and helpful all day with her, which surprised me and provided balance for her grouchies.

Jack and I both had cleanings at the dentist, so I dropped Emily off at my mom’s and Jack and I got to go play mini-golf before our appointment. We had a fun and relaxing time together, which was a nice treat on the day before he returned to school. I remembered that last year, I took him mini-golfing after his first day of kindergarten. Maybe we will make this a new tradition, like the sunflowers.

Then, I made myself smile at the dentist. Lying prone in the exam chair, I heaved a huge sigh and thought, Oh this is so relaxing! As the hygienist scraped away at my teeth, I thought, You know you are stressed and overwhelmed when lying down at the dentist seems like luxurious “me” time. Ha!

We all ate dinner together and the evening passed peacefully into bedtime.

Sometimes you just have to do what Pema Chodron calls “dropping the storyline” of life, take three deep breaths and create a little gap for something else to enter and shift some energy. Sometimes it helps to just admire the sunflowers.