I’ve really been struggling with the idea of turning 40 on Friday. In fact, I’ve been struggling so much, that I’ve been telling everyone my birthday is on Thursday when Emmett pointed out to me last night, that it’s actually Friday.

There are countless reasons that anyone would stress out about hitting the big 4 – 0 but for me, there’s one reason in particular that’s eating away at me.

To be honest, I’ve only realized this because of the back and forth I’ve been having with some of my readers. Hearing others people’s thoughts helps me put mine into frame.

My struggle isn’t about getting older, feeling older or even looking older. It’s not about a mid-life crisis or that I’m second guessing my life choices, although to be fair, there are mistakes I wish I could go back and undo.

The pain I’m feeling right now (and pain is a good description of it) has nothing to do with regrets either.