@DrOxtongue

We are living in a dark and frenzied time fellow brothers and sisters.

Rats are growing larger with each new moon, bankers are jumping off of tall buildings and going splat, legal highs are corrupting the already tainted minds of the youth, and Mr Almanza – the current CEO of G4S – walks away with a cool £1.46m pay package for just eight months work…

Ashley Almanza poses for the Serious Fraud Office corporate calender 2014 edition

Following this event an eighty-year old man’s Tibetan mastiff was hit by a second-hand furniture truck, and later died in intensive care…the mastiff not the man, the furniture went on to star in several Hollywood blockbusters.

…It makes you think that life is not worth living unless under the infected wing of G4S but then you think again and realise something fishy is going on at the following address:

And I’m not talking cannabis cultivation, animal smuggling or barbiturate tooting.

Only in this twisted day and age would a man in charge of a scandal ridden multinational security company for eight months receive such a large pay pack. After Nick Buckles stepped down following the furore of the London Olympics scandal you would think that the company must’ve taken a loss?

Well my feathered friends, if you thought this then you were right…

G4S found itself caught up in another scandal earlier back in March this year, for overcharging the Ministry of Justice for criminal tagging contracts. The toxic giant had to shell out £109m in penalty charges (plus VAT) for the slip up. G4S were basically billing the MOJ for monitoring the ghostly whereabouts of 3,000 phantom offenders that either didn’t exist, or had already been sent back to prison. It’s no wonder the company plunged £342 in the red last year – Mr Almanza better have a large white rabbit to pull out of his ballroom hat or things are going to go pear shaped.

Top G4S security guard speaks “Fuck this lads, let’s go get some pies”

Earlier this month David Cameron was stung by a jellyfish while holidaying in Lanzarote, the coalition’s welfare cuts pushed 1.75 million of the UK’s poorest households deeper into the gut of the fat cat, billions were wasted on the search for flight MH370 and a houseplant died due to negligence on the part of its owner.

Sources

David Cameron stung by jellyfish: PM hurt after ignoring advice of locals while on holiday

Welfare cuts drive UK’s poorest families deeper into poverty, says Oxfam

Boss at scandal-struck G4S gets £1.5m for eight months’ work

G4S wins first central Government contract since tagging scandal

G4S agrees to repay £109m for overcharging on tagging contracts