Look: You can be all cynical about it, and dismiss the baseball-wide trend toward increasingly over-the-top ballpark foods as a transparent grab for attention. But since it doesn’t appear people will stop finding new things to fry anytime soon, I strongly suggest you stop fretting and simply embrace the fact that we’re living in a golden age for ostentatious stadium snacks.

Here are the 17 best new ballpark foods for 2015:

1. St. Louis Cardinals: Breaded chicken waffle sandwich

That’s a breaded chicken patty sandwich on waffles, served with queso tater tots. And it’s got maple bacon gravy, because this is yet another big year for bacon.

2. Wisconsin Timber Rattlers: Big Mother Funnel Burger

Bacon cheeseburgers served on doughnuts are so 2011. Funnel cakes take things to the next level.

3. Colorado Rockies: Taco Dog

The most exciting thing about the Rockies’ taco dog is that the dog itself is chorizo. Adding more hot dog varieties could really enhance the classic ballpark hot-dog experience.

Bonus: USA TODAY’S Trevor Hughes taste-tested the taco dog!

4. Milwaukee Brewers: Nacho on a stick

This is perfect for people who love nachos but can’t find napkins. And you get to keep the stick.

5. Texas Rangers: Fried Sm’Oreo

Oh, hello deep-fried graham-cracker crusted marshmallow sandwiched by fried Oreos. How is this the first time I’m hearing about something with a deep-fried graham-cracker crust? How long has this technology existed?

6. Wilmington Blue Rocks: Sweenie Donut Dog

OK, it might kill you instantly. But there are worse ways to go.

7. Pittsburgh Pirates: Cuban pretzel dog

I don’t know about you, but every time I eat a delicious Cuban sandwich, I think, “man, this would really benefit from the addition of a foot-long hot dog.”

8. Cincinnati Reds: Chicken spice box

It’s basically all the Buffalo wing stuff except the bones, served on top of fries in a box. I’m for it. We should be Buffaloing more stuff.

9. Arizona Diamondbacks: Churro Dog

The hot dog bun seems unnecessary, but no one’s here to complain about churros topped with ice cream.

10. Detroit Tigers: Bacon and Eggs

The slab of bacon is great, but the Sriracha deviled eggs on top might be Detroit’s greatest innovation since the Model T.

11. Houston Astros: Chicken and waffle cone

Will the waffle cone hold up under the weight of the fried chicken, mashed potatoes and honey mustard? There’s only one way to find out.

12. Kane County Cougars: Heart Attack Burger

Here’s the Cougars’ description of the Heart Attack Burger: “The half-pound beef patty is topped with grilled onions, a fried egg, slice of melted cheddar cheese, chipotle bacon mayo, two strips of bacon with a pair of grilled cheese sandwiches serving as its bun.”

13. Boston Red Sox: Chicken taco salad

Taco salads are a wonderful option if you’ve got someone pestering you about your eating habits but want to enjoy yourself at a ballgame. “I just had a salad,” you say, neglecting to mention that you also ate the bowl, and that the bowl was fried.

14. Cleveland Indians: The Thomenator

Presumably Jim Thome wouldn’t put his name on an inferior hot dog. This one’s got diced onions, sauerkraut and three pierogis, because that’s just how ol’ Jim Jam gets down.

15. Kansas City Royals: Steak and cheese dog

There’s a lot of cheesesteak on this hot dog.

16. Chicago White Sox: Parmesan garlic waffle fries

The bar has been set pretty high for garlic fries at baseball stadiums, but adding parmesan and an “herb glaze” could help the White Sox clear it.

17. Philadelphia Phillies: Hard liquor

It’s going to be an interesting year in Philadelphia.