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Academia's Downfall as portrayed by the Hitler's downfall meme video

00:00 - 00:03 He is nearing completion of his degree

00:04 - 00:05 The dissertation is almost finished

00:05 - 00:07 Only a few more edits to go

00:08 - 00:12 And then he will be ready for his defense

00:10 - 00:11

00:12 - 00:15 And then his doctorate will be complete

00:17 - 00:19 Good

00:19 - 00:21 Where is he doing his post-doc?

00:24 - 00:26 His post-doc?

00:27 - 00:28 My Führer

00:31 - 00:33 He's going to industry

00:34 - 00:36 He wants nothing more to do with academia

00:53 - 00:58 Everyone not on a tenure track position get out now.

01:13 - 01:15 HE'S GOING TO INDUSTRY?

01:15 - 01:17 HOW DARE HE LEAVE THE SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY BEHIND

01:18 - 01:23 AND FOR WHAT?

01:25 - 01:28 MONEY?!?

01:29 - 01:31 REGULAR WORK HOURS?!?

01:31 - 01:34 THE PURPOSE OF GETTING YOUR DOCTORATE

01:34 - 01:37 IS TO CONTINUE THE ACADEMIC PURSUIT OF KNOWLEDGE

01:37 - 01:40 NOT TO LIE TO MBAs ABOUT R&D OUTCOMES

01:40 - 01:42 My Führer his technical skills are in high demand

01:42 - 01:46 THEN WHY NOT APPLY THEM TO EXPANDING HUMAN KNOWLDGE

01:46 - 01:48 But his future employer is working towards a noble cause

01:48 - 01:52 NOBLE CAUSE!?

01:53 - 01:54 WHAT IS MORE NOBLE THAN ACADEMIC RESEARCH!?

01:56 - 01:57 WE STAND ON THE SHOULDERS OF GIANTS!

01:57 - 02:00 AS OUR PROGENY WILL STAND UPON OURS

02:00 - 02:03 NOT MAKING A QUICK BUCK

02:04 - 02:08 WHENEVER THE TIDES OF INDUSTRY TURN IN OUR FIELD'S FAVOR

02:08 - 02:13 AND OFFER US RICHES IN EXCHANGE FOR AN ENDURING LEGACY

02:14 - 02:16 THERE IS SO MUCH MORE THAN MONEY

02:17 - 02:21 AND REGULAR WORK HOURS! OR BENEFITS!

02:27 - 02:29 Academia is the lifeblood of science

02:30 - 02:34 It is responsible for everything we as a species have acheived

02:34 - 02:36 A shining city upon a hill

02:41 - 02:42 The scientific method

02:43 - 02:47 IS A CROWNING ACHIEVEMENT OF OUR CIVILIZATION

02:48 - 02:53 AND TO THROW IT AWAY FOR WHAT?

02:54 - 02:56 MONEY?

02:56 - 02:59 AVOIDING WRITING GRANTS?

03:00 - 03:02 NOT HAVING TO TEACH FUCKING UNDERGRADS?

03:04 - 03:07 It's okay, he'll still write you a letter of recommendation

03:14 - 03:16 Maybe I should just leave too

03:19 - 03:23 Start consulting full time

03:25 - 03:26 What have I even really contributed?

03:31 - 03:33 A half-dozen Nature papers?

03:40 - 03:46 Each new grant is getting harder and harder to get

03:46 - 03:49 I even had to mention machine learning in my last one