Are you or someone you know suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS), the new mental disorder sweeping college towns, gated communities and other trust-funder enclaves across the nation?

Much has been written of late about this debilitating malady, but what is needed is a comprehensive list of symptoms that indicate you may be infected.

You may have Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS) if:

You will never forgive Tom Brady for having that Make America Great Again cap in his locker last spring.

If you embrace all immigrants, legal or illegal — except Melania Trump.

Or if you got more drunk on election night than Don Lemon of CNN did on New Year’s Eve.

If you’ve posted on social media that 2016 was the worst year of your life.

If you just learned in November that presidential elections aren’t decided by the popular vote.

If you’ve called 911 to report a hate crime by Donald Trump supporters that didn’t happen, just to show what white, heterosexual males who have real jobs might be capable of if … if … uh …. Officer, can we just forget I ever made this call?

If you have a hyphenated last name, and, if you’re in college, the last word of your major is “studies.”

You may be in the throes of TDS if you’ve created a Facebook group to “resist” the new administration.

If you begin every other sentence with: “Although Hillary received 2.9 million more votes….”

If you’re still waiting for that post-Trump-victory stock market crash. (Boston Globe, this means you — remember their fake news headline from April 9 imagining a President Trump: “Markets sink as trade war looms.”)

If you have attached a safety pin to some article of your clothing, to indicate that you will provide a “safe space” for any of your fellow NPR tote-bag carriers so traumatized by what has happened.

If you first endorsed Chris Christie for president, then refused to attend the GOP convention, then bragged that you blanked the presidential race on Nov. 8, but are now planning to slink down to D.C. to attend the inauguration. (Gov. Charlie Baker, this means you.)

If you have asserted publicly that the election may have been stolen by certain parties hacking into voting machines with “floppy discs.” (Jill Stein, this means you.)

If you are a self-proclaimed Nasty Woman who once claimed to be a Native American.

If seeing Ivanka Trump and her toddlers on a commercial flight drives you and your life partner into paroxysms of heterophobia.

If you have blamed Hillary’s loss on one or more of following bogeymen: James Comey, the Russians, the electoral college, Islamophobia, homophobia, misogyny, voter ID laws, fake news etc., etc., etc.

If you really thought Merrick Garland was going to be appointed to the Supreme Court yesterday.

And finally, you may have a full-blown case of TDS if you think anybody cares about your feelings, snowflake.

Listen to Howie from 3-7 p.m. on WRKO AM 680.