Don't think I commented on this when you posted it... but I've since fell into the wonderful world that is MLP FIM, so... as many others, I'll say it's a very good representation of Dash.

I don't know exactly what irks me about the others I've seen but I tend to say "eehh.... but that's not really how I picture her as a human". Your version is *very* close to what I have in mind though ^_^.

Maybe I'll try my hand and making one too someday.