Being raised by a militant, atheist father and a somewhat agnostic mother, I was never given an explanation about my existence or reason for being. We never gave thanks at the dinner table to an unknown provider, and in difficult times I never saw any of my parents asking for help or strength from the divine. Throughout my childhood I experienced joy, sadness, and every emotion in between. And I realize now looking back, that for a long time I was rarely able to appreciate the simplicity I saw in the world around me then.

Every day I see my parents taking turns waking up in the morning to make sure that I leave home after having breakfast, or asking about how my day in school went in the afternoons. And lately, I haven’t been able to stop thinking that they do it because of a feeling of obligation, not necessarily because they really care. They aren’t much different from my peers who do what is necessary to pass, not because they believe in the importance of any assignment but because they don’t want to confront the status quo. Or my teachers who, upon the students’ entry, automatically ask for the day’s homework assignment when their worries and interests are elsewhere. I’m not really sure what has happened to everyone, or if the life of ordinary people isn’t appealing enough anymore in this world dominated by a media that pushes a million images of what we should be or what we should have.

And seeing this society around me, I think it is all garbage. I believe that people are all searching for an answer; one that isn’t there. I believe that people resort to religion or try to find purpose in fulfilling daily goals because it isn’t enough just to live without reason—without importance. I sometimes wish I could conform to this level of ignorance because at times it is difficult to confront the reality that there is only one life—right here, right now. I believe that as individual people, our influence on the world is minimal. I believe that after a person dies, she is missed, but eventually forgotten. I believe that this is the natural course of life, as it takes place in any other species.

I find that for this reason, it is important to try and do as much good in our lives as possible, and extend our influence as far as our circumstances allow us to. After accepting that there is no specific purpose or destiny for me to fulfill during my time here on earth, I have been able to place value on the things in life that truly matter- such as the relationships I build with those around me while I am still here, and the simple activities in life that bring me joy. Once I realized the vastness of our universe and how minute I really am in the grand scope of things, it is easy to see that humanity-and each other- is all I truly have left.

Donate If you enjoyed this essay, please consider making a tax-deductible contribution to This I Believe, Inc.