They said there was going to be a Right-wing coup. Another broken promise. Never mind proroguing parliament, some people would now like to burn it down – and I've honestly never known such popular dissatisfaction with our so-called elites and their fantasyland politics.

Parliament is actually the one holding a coup. MPs have voted to take control of the order paper in order to take control of the Brexit negotiating process: they want to rule out a no-deal Brexit, thus completely undermining the Government's strategy. It's highly irregular for the Commons to dictate foreign policy like this, let alone on such suicidal terms. It's like sending the army to liberate the Falklands armed only with a colander and a spoon.

"Fine," says the Government, "if you don't like our policy, let's have an election." "Um, no," says Parliament. Why? Because the Government's policy is quite popular and its opponents might lose. Parliament says it is extending oversight and renewing democracy. It's not. It's blocking an election.

It's all so bloody wretched. Bercow – back from his holiday in Turkey with a Chernobyl tan – has dropped impartiality and taken control; he's The Daddy now. Ken Clarke (!) has been sacked from the Conservatives, which doesn't feel right. So has Nicholas Soames, which is is apparently a constitutional outrage. Did you know he's related to Winston Churchill? Me neither. If only he'd said something, I'd have suggested we shut down Parliament and make him king. After all, our constitution is already straining and yawning at the seams, trying to contain a Remainer revolt against the very policy that so many MPs ran on in 2017 but had little commitment to doing: fulfill the mandate of the Brexit referendum.