ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A CSIRO research paper paid in full by the Commonwealth has discovered some key facts about coal which actually paint it in a positive light.

Speaking to journalists in Canberra this morning, the Prime Nightwatchman of Australia said that Glencore and China are both wrong about climate change, the future of coal and renewable energy.

“It’s extreme weak of Clencore and China to do this – and the fact they’ve done it this close to an election speaks volumes for who’s behind this,” said Scott.

“For years, it’s been common knowledge that Glencore and China have been in cahoots with The Greens. Richard Di Natale can speak Mandarin and use chopsticks. Sarah Hansen-Young has a box of Tsing Taos under her desk!”

“The Government will not stand for this treason. This CSIRO research paper, conducted by real scientists for our government, is vindication for the Coalition.”

The Prime Nightwatchman then refused to answer any questions nefore retiring back into his parliamentary wing.

The Advocate reached out to both Sarah Hansen-Young and Richard Di Natale for comment but as it’s before noon in Canberra, they’re probably still asleep.

More to come.