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--> A midday take on what's happening in politics and how to have a sense of humor about it.*

*Ha. Haha. Hahah. Sniff. Haha. Sniff. Ha--breaks down crying hysterically.

The Hill's 12:30 Report: Trump doubles down on Dorian's threat to Alabama | Hurricane lashes Carolina coast | DC council trolls Trump over forecast | Buttigieg says he feels sorry for Trump | Democrats face tough choices in Trump wall funding fight | Trump calls for NBC to fire Debra Messing | Pence in UK | Talks trade, Brexit with Boris Johnson | National Cheese Pizza Day

IN THE WHITE HOUSE

Stop trying to make Alabama happen. Alabama is not going to happen:

This morning, President Trump Donald John TrumpFederal prosecutor speaks out, says Barr 'has brought shame' on Justice Dept. Former Pence aide: White House staffers discussed Trump refusing to leave office Progressive group buys domain name of Trump's No. 1 Supreme Court pick MORE doubled down on his claim that Alabama was in Hurricane Dorian's path. http://bit.ly/2ZKOb7U

He tweeted: "In the early days of the hurricane, when it was predicted that Dorian would go through Miami or West Palm Beach, even before it reached the Bahamas, certain models strongly suggested that Alabama & Georgia would be hit as it made its way through Florida & to the Gulf." http://bit.ly/2ZFVdKV

He also added: "Instead it turned North and went up the coast, where it continues now. In the one model through Florida, the Great State of Alabama would have been hit or grazed. In the path it took, no. Read my FULL FEMA statement. What I said was accurate! All Fake News in order to demean!" http://bit.ly/2ZFVdKV

Trump also tweeted a photo of the earlier paths of the storm: "As you can see, almost all models predicted it to go through Florida also hitting Georgia and Alabama. I accept the Fake News apologies!" http://bit.ly/30Z2cfl

Today in 'This Feels Like An Onion Headline':

President Trump on Wednesday used a chart of Hurricane Dorian's path that appears to be doctored with a Sharpie to include Alabama. Photo: http://bit.ly/313FC5C

REACTION FROM PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE PETE BUTTIGIEG:

"I feel sorry for the president, and that is not the way we should feel about the most powerful figure in this country," the South Bend, Ind., mayor said on CNN's "New Day." "Somebody on whose wisdom and judgment our lives literally depend. I don't know if he felt it necessary to pull out a sharpie and change the map. I don't know if it was one of his aides believed they had to do that in order to protect his ego." Watch Buttigieg's full reaction: http://bit.ly/2ZITsfX

The D.C. Council was feeling saucy:

According to this “change of address” postcard we received, the White House has announced its new mailing address will be 1600 Alabama Avenue, SE #Sharpie https://t.co/pqtgJZVWuu pic.twitter.com/ODvDLlaFkr — Council of DC (@councilofdc) September 4, 2019

Happy Thursday. I'm Cate Martel with a quick recap of the morning and what's coming up. Send comments, story ideas and events for our radar to cmartel@thehill.com -- and follow along on Twitter @CateMartel and Facebook.

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LATEST WITH HURRICANE DORIAN

The sea looks nice, Dorian. Maybe you should go out there:

Hurricane Dorian is pounding the Carolinas as it heads up the East Coast. Here's the latest forecast from The Weather Channel: https://wxch.nl/2ZFhdpn

Dorian is producing tornadoes: Here is video of a possible tornado in North Myrtle Beach. Watch: http://bit.ly/2ZIZcGD

I'm sorry, what??: More than a dozen bricks of cocaine have washed ashore in Florida during the hurricane. Photo and details: https://nbcnews.to/2ZMCFZq

This is pretty interesting: Here is video of Dorian's path over the past week: http://bit.ly/319f3vu

In the DMV: Via WJLA-TV, here's the weather forecast in the D.C. area over the next few days: http://bit.ly/30SW9Jn

Oh and: "Sunsets can be remarkably vivid out ahead of tropical systems, so be sure to be on the lookout for a good one if you're at the beach or east of I-95." http://bit.ly/30SW9Jn

IN CONGRESS

'But it's all an adventure that comes with a breathtaking view, walking the tightrope...'

--> http://bit.ly/2lFI9CQ:

Via The Hill's Niv Elis and Cristina Marcos, Democrats are walking a tightrope in opposing President Trump's move to direct $3.6 billion of military funding to his border wall. http://bit.ly/2ZHumym

Why this fight is risky for Democrats: "The legislative responses available to Democrats are few, given that the courts have largely ruled in the administration's favor when it comes to emergency powers and the transfer of Pentagon funds. Pressing the issue runs the risk of derailing government funding legislation that Congress needs to pass by Oct. 1 to avert another shutdown."

Why Democrats don't want to have this fight now: "Democrats know that trying to add stringent language about the wall to any funding bills this month could increase the odds of another shutdown. They're wary of risking a shutdown over what's likely to be a short-term stopgap measure and would rather address the issue as part of a wider funding debate later this year."

TRENDING ON TWITTER

Princess Charlotte is all grown up :

Four-year-old Princess Charlotte arrived at her first day at Thomas's Battersea school in London this morning.

Photos of Prince George and Princess Charlotte: http://bit.ly/2ZGFdIN

In addition to their uniforms: "Charlotte also wore her navy Mary Jane shoes from Amaia and added a personal touch to her backpack: a sequined unicorn keychain!"

Her name in school: She will go by Charlotte Cambridge in school.

Princess Charlotte arrives for her first day of school at Thomas’s Battersea, joining her older brother Prince George. ✏️ pic.twitter.com/8l63WEjzcw — Kensington Palace (@KensingtonRoyal) September 5, 2019

Aw -- watch them walk into school: http://bit.ly/30XVrKZ

IN OTHER NEWS THIS MORNING

Trump compared Debra Messing to Roseanne Barr:

President Trump took a shot at "Will & Grace" actress Debra Messing after she said Trump's donors should be publicly identified. http://bit.ly/2ZByOP9

He tweeted: "Bad 'actress' Debra The Mess Messing is in hot water. She wants to create a 'Blacklist' of Trump supporters, & is being accused of McCarthyism. Is also being accused of being a Racist because of the terrible things she said about blacks and mental illness. If Roseanne Barr said what she did, even being on a much higher rated show, she would have been thrown off television. Will Fake News NBC allow a McCarthy style Racist to continue? ABC fired Roseanne. Watch the double standard!"

WHAT SPARKED THIS:

Debra Messing responded to a tweet about a Beverly Hills fundraiser for President Trump by saying, "Please print a list of all attendees please. The public has a right to know." http://bit.ly/2ZByOP9

NOTABLE TWEETS:

Social media v. social media:

Twitter just posted this to insta https://t.co/hBEmEAtCDC pic.twitter.com/XGvW4MVeUv — Taylor Lorenz on VACATION (@TaylorLorenz) September 4, 2019

ON TAP

The House and Senate are out.

7:45 a.m. EDT: Vice President Pence met with Boris Johnson, the prime minister of the United Kingdom. Photo of Pence meeting Johnson: http://bit.ly/30YDPyt

11:45 a.m. EDT: President Trump received an intelligence briefing.

1:45 p.m. EDT: President Trump meets with General Motors CEO Mary Barra in the Oval Office.

1:55 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence and Karen Pence Karen Sue PenceTrump met with chants of protest as he pays respects to Ruth Bader Ginsburg How fast population growth made Arizona a swing state The Hill's 12:30 Report - Presented by Facebook - Biden, Pence elbow bump at NYC Sept. 11 ceremony MORE attend the Lord Mayor's International Trade Dinner.

4 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence and Karen Pence leave London and head back to Washington, D.C.

4:30 p.m. EDT: President Trump presents the Presidential Medal of Freedom to Jerry West.

Sept. 12: The third Democratic National Committee primary debate. Yes, you read that right! There will only be one night of debating this time! Details: https://nyti.ms/30Yd3q2

NOW FOR THE FUN STUFF...

Today is National Cheese Pizza Day!

I laughed out loud when I saw this photo:

A man was worried his Smart car would blow away in Hurricane Dorian, so he parked it in his kitchen. Yes, his kitchen! Photo: https://nbcnews.to/2ZI5bLW

And because you made it this far, here's a panda with not the best coordination, but definitely the most grace: http://bit.ly/311rMAw