It’s always encouraging when people you’d expect to be enemies learn to get on, so it’s touching that the Government, that has said many times it doesn’t always see eye-to-eye with violent militant Islam, has apparently decided life’s too short to bear a grudge, and to stay friendly with the rulers of Saudi Arabia.

A report on the funding of terrorists was published this week revealing how “overseas” backing has aided institutions “that teach deeply conservative forms of Islam”. But the Government decided the report shouldn’t be published, and Home Secretary Amber Rudd wouldn’t say which overseas country was doing this funding.

If you were a detective, you might lean towards Saudi Arabia, as money from that country routinely funds this sort of Wahhabi conservative teaching, but Amber Rudd won’t say, so it will probably turn out to be the Isle of Man.

If you were cynical, you might wonder if our attitude towards Saudi Arabia was influenced in any way by the $4.2bn of arms sales since 2015, which defence secretary Michael Fallon says he wants to increase.

Independent candidate claims Amber Rudd shut down his speech about arms sales to Saudi Arabia

BAE Systems has managed to sell 72 Typhoons to Saudi Arabia in a deal known as “the peace project”, which is a quaint title because nothing says peace like a Typhoon fighter jet, capable of firing 1,700 rounds a minute, with a unique operating system that allows several targets to be attacked at once. I expect Tibetan Monks give them to each other on their birthdays.

So you’d think the Government would be furious with the Saudis, we send them billions of dollars’ worth of tanks and guns and fighter planes, and their response is to adopt a violent outlook.

One solution could be a formula, in which the amount of terrorism a country is allowed to promote depends on how many weapons they buy. For $4.2bn you can blow up a couple of public buildings, as long as you help sweep up.

For a deal of a couple of tanks, you’re allowed to go berserk with a pair of nail scissors in a provincial shopping centre, and if you buy a set of rifles you’re allowed to shout “Allahu Akbar” in a farm to the livestock.

It makes you realise that one way of dealing with Isis would have been to allow them to establish and secure their caliphate. Then if they’d rebranded it with a new name like Fruitbatstan, even if they brought in laws such as women aren’t allowed to sneeze unless they’re inside a cardboard box and dressed as a clown, we’d have turned a blind eye as long as they bought a pack of twenty fighter jets off us.

Indeed, if it does turn out this report has been kept quiet because it might upset the Saudis, the people who should be ashamed are those who wrote the thing. Have they no idea how the economy works? It would be much more financially responsible to put the blame on the Oswestry Parish Council, as they hardly buy any arms and don’t help out BAE shareholders at all.

10 examples of Saudi Arabia's human rights abuses Show all 10 1 /10 10 examples of Saudi Arabia's human rights abuses 10 examples of Saudi Arabia's human rights abuses In October 2014, three lawyers, Dr Abdulrahman al-Subaihi, Bander al-Nogaithan and Abdulrahman al-Rumaih , were sentenced to up to eight years in prison for using Twitter to criticize the Ministry of Justice. AFP/Getty Images 10 examples of Saudi Arabia's human rights abuses In March 2015, Yemen’s Sunni President Abd-Rabbu Mansour Hadi was forced into exile after a Shia-led insurgency. A Saudi Arabia-led coalition has responded with air strikes in order to reinstate Mr Hadi. It has since been accused of committing war crimes in the country. Getty Images 10 examples of Saudi Arabia's human rights abuses Women who supported the Women2Drive campaign, launched in 2011 to challenge the ban on women driving vehicles, faced harassment and intimidation by the authorities. The government warned that women drivers would face arrest. Getty Images 10 examples of Saudi Arabia's human rights abuses Members of the Kingdom’s Shia minority, most of whom live in the oil-rich Eastern Province, continue to face discrimination that limits their access to government services and employment. Activists have received death sentences or long prison terms for their alleged participation in protests in 2011 and 2012. Getty Images 10 examples of Saudi Arabia's human rights abuses All public gatherings are prohibited under an order issued by the Interior Ministry in 2011. Those defy the ban face arrest, prosecution and imprisonment on charges such as “inciting people against the authorities”. Getty Images 10 examples of Saudi Arabia's human rights abuses In March 2014, the Interior Ministry stated that authorities had deported over 370,000 foreign migrants and that 18,000 others were in detention. Thousands of workers were returned to Somalia and other states where they were at risk of human rights abuses, with large numbers also returned to Yemen, in order to open more jobs to Saudi Arabians. Many migrants reported that prior to their deportation they had been packed into overcrowded makeshift detention facilities where they received little food and water and were abused by guards. Getty Images 10 examples of Saudi Arabia's human rights abuses The Saudi Arabian authorities continue to deny access to independent human rights organisations like Amnesty International, and they have been known to take punitive action, including through the courts, against activists and family members of victims who contact Amnesty. Getty Images 10 examples of Saudi Arabia's human rights abuses Raif Badawi was sentenced to 1000 lashes and 10 years in prison for using his liberal blog to criticise Saudi Arabia’s clerics. He has already received 50 lashes, which have reportedly left him in poor health. Carsten Koall/Getty Images 10 examples of Saudi Arabia's human rights abuses Dawood al-Marhoon was arrested aged 17 for participating in an anti-government protest. After refusing to spy on his fellow protestors, he was tortured and forced to sign a blank document that would later contain his ‘confession’. At Dawood’s trial, the prosecution requested death by crucifixion while refusing him a lawyer. Getty Images 10 examples of Saudi Arabia's human rights abuses Ali Mohammed al-Nimr was arrested in 2012 aged either 16 or 17 for participating in protests during the Arab spring. His sentence includes beheading and crucifixion. The international community has spoken out against the punishment and has called on Saudi Arabia to stop. He is the nephew of a prominent government dissident. Getty

Even better would be if the report blamed the spread of militant Islam on someone the Government doesn’t like much, such as Aslef or the negotiating team at the EU.

The Government often reminds opponents of the arms trade, that deals with regimes such as the Saudis are vital for the economy, and we should bear that in mind with terrorists as well. Cracking down on jihadists could cost thousands of jobs, in the nails, bleach and fertiliser industries, as well as causing problems for manufacturers of blue and white sticky tape with “crime scene, do not enter” on it.

So we can’t complain too loudly about such a valued customer as Saudi Arabia. And I’m sure the Government would be just as understanding if a van hire company said: “It’s all very well complaining about terrorism, but the current methods they’re using offer vital opportunities for my company. It can be frustrating when they drive our vans into the side of a bridge, and tend not to bring the vehicle back, leaving us to have to go and collect it ourselves, but we’re working out a price formula to cover these problems and hope to engage in many more fruitful business deals with them in the future.”

To be fair, the Saudi government probably hasn’t been directly involved in terrorist acts like that, and have used the weapons they’ve bought for tidier explosions, such as what the United Nations describes as “325 attacks on schools, health facilities, markets and water points in Yemen”.

Because the way to stop an organisation causing terror with homemade weapons is to sell them huge proper weapons. We should have gone up to the nutcase who drove into Westminster Bridge and said “you don’t want to muck about like that, mate” and sold him a tank.

So it’s best to keep on with the Western strategy for the Middle East that’s worked so well for seventy years. This is to go berserk at Arab leaders for being undemocratic and nasty to women, leaving the Saudis as our friend, where it’s one election after another and you can hardly move for feminist conferences.

This is why, when it became clear that of all the countries in the region, it appeared the Saudis were the most closely linked to 9/11, the West did the only thing possible and bombed Iraq, as it’s very important after a historic atrocity to invade the next country along.