

Contributor Jeffrey Augustine has put a stirring collection together for us today. Just for fun, here are fifteen of the strangest things ever said by Scientology’s founder, L. Ron Hubbard, and his successor, current leader David Miscavige.



1. “A thetan doesn’t look through his eyeballs. He has two little gold discs, one in front of each eye lens. These are not the lenses of the eyes, but, as you might say, mocked-up energy.” L. Ron Hubbard. “Eyesight and Glasses.” Professional Auditor’s Bulletin #111, 1 May 1957.






2. “At the time I don’t think it was really thought to be that significant an issue. She died. People die.” – David Miscavige responding to a question about Lisa McPherson , St. Petersburg Times.



3. “If it’s Ron’s time to die, let him die.” — David Miscavige, on being informed by private investigators he had hired to follow his father Ron Miscavige, who appeared to be having a heart attack.



4. “There are certain things which make people ill and that is when they get into certain zones and areas or positions which approximate the R6 position such as a body lying in the rain with a rat below the crotch.” – L. Ron Hubbard, ASSISTS, Class VIII Course, Lecture #10



5. “Leukemia is evidently psychosomatic in origin and at least eight cases of leukemia had been treated successfully by Dianetics after medicine had traditionally given up. The source of leukemia has been reported to be an engram containing the phrase ‘It turns my blood to water.’” L. Ron Hubbard, “The Old Man’s Case-Book” Journal of Scientology 15-G (1953).



6. “I was up in the Van Allen belt — this is, uh, factual — and, uh, I don’t know why they’re scared of the Van Allen belt, because it’s simply hot. Uh, you’d be surprised how warm space is… And I was up there watching the sunrise.” L. Ron Hubbard, “The Saint Hill Special Briefing Course #317.” Lecture, 23 July 1963



7. “A thetan can go over and take possession of the body of – let’s say we want to influence the premier of Buckwupistan. So we boot this thetan out and make this thetan go over and knock out the thetan in the wife of the premier of Buckwupistan. And then we are holding the body of the person that we send over there and they are still connected and in communication with this body. At which moment … So we simply monitor, now all of a sudden we find we are able to monitor the wife of the premier of Buckwupistan with great ease. And we get her into a tremendous affair with a court chamberlain you see. And we just get things swirled up like a fire drill. And the next thing you know, he’s dispossessed. They say his rent’s up on Buckwupistan or something of this sort because of scandal, because of this, because of that. It’s a very neat political maneuver.” L. Ron Hubbard, “The Role of Earth,” November 1952 in R&D Volumes and 30 Oct 52 on old reels.



8. “Our enemies on this planet are less than twelve men. They are members of the Bank of England and other higher financial circles. They own and control newspaper chains, and they are, oddly enough, directors in all the mental health groups in the world which have sprung up. Now these chaps are very interesting fellows: They have fantastically corrupt backgrounds; illegitimate children; government graft; a very unsavory lot. And they apparently, sometime in the rather distant past, had determined on a course of action. Being in control of most of the gold supplies of the planet, they entered upon a program of bringing every government to bankruptcy and under their thumb, so that no government would be able to act politically without their permission. The rest of their apparent program was to use mental health – which is to say, psychiatric electric shock and prefrontal lobotomy – to remove from their path any political dissenters. They were the people behind the Siberia bill, which almost passed the House of Representatives in the United States, and did pass, if I remember rightly, the Senate, which gave the power to any governor in — of any state in the United States simply to pick up anyone on the street and send him to Alaska. We defeated this Siberia bill and many other mental health quote-unquote ‘acts’ of this character, but never really before knew from whom they were coming.” — L. Ron Hubbard, Ron’s Journal 67.



9. “I don’t know if you’re aware that there was a plan in 1955 in this country, Ted, to repeat what was done in Russia. There was going to be a Siberia, U.S.A., set up on a million acres in Alaska to send mental patients. They were going to lessen the commitment laws. You could basically get into an argument with somebody and be sent up there. This sounds very odd. Nobody’s ever heard about it. That’s in no small part thanks to the Church of Scientology. I must say, though, that when that bill was killed in Congress, the war was on with psychiatry where they declared war on us, and I want you to understand something….It was a major, major, major flap for the psychiatrists when it got voted down, because then the slogan around the country began, ‘Siberia USA,’ and it was really the first time that psychiatry had been denigrated publicly, that they weren’t the science that they had been promoting themselves to be. And they took it upon themselves then to start dealing with anybody who would oppose them. They definitely saw Dianetics and Scientology as opposing them, not only in terms of their brutal treatments, such as electric shock and prefrontal lobotomy, which are specific things that we’re against, but also for the fact of the people that were going to Dianetics and Scientology and not there. They went to the Food and Drug Administration, they went to the American Medical Association, they arranged an informant to go into our headquarters here in Washington, D.C., and infiltrate the organization over the next five years. I have documents on this, too. They wanted to get somebody in the church to recommend medical treatment, couldn’t get them to do it, walk in and say, ‘I want to be cured medically.’ People wouldn’t do it. They finally went so far as getting the head of the D.C. morals, the moral department of the D.C. police to send his daughter in as an informant, pregnant, to get an abortion, to ask the church to do it, a frame job. The church didn’t go for it. They did then raid the church….I am talking– This is the APA, AMA, Food and Drug Administration. These people were all coordinated doing these activities, and it went on for five years, Ted, and you have to understand, we only find this out recently. They then proceed to raid our church. Now, the following takes place. They killed one of our executive directors…” — David Miscavige, interview with Ted Koppel on Nightline, Feb. 14, 1992.



10. “Number one, when you are under siege — and there have been periods when we have been under siege — of course you have a tendency to just clam up and reach in.” – David Miscavige, interviewed by Tom Tobin of the St. Petersburg Times, October 25, 1998.



11. “This is an incident called the Emanator, by the way. And this thing is, by the way, the source of the Mohammedan Lode Stone that they have hanging down there that uh.. when uh.. Mohammed decided to be a good uh.. small town booster in uh.. Kansas Middle East or something of the sort.. by the way, the only reason he mocked that thing up is the trade wasn’t good in his home town. That’s right. You can read the life of Mohammed. And he’s got a black one and it’s sort of hung between the ceiling and the floor and, I don’t know it.. maybe it’s called a casbah or.. or.. or something. Any.. anyway that thing is a mock-up of the Emanator. The Emanator is bright, not black.” — L. Ron Hubbard, Philadelphia Doctorate Course No. 24, December 9, 1952.



12. “There is the incident called ‘The Obscene Dog’ that comes on the track just a little later than Incident One. And sometimes actually by running it, you can get the PC into Incident One. The Obscene Dog is a sort of a brass dog in a sitting position. Anybody that got around in front of the dog got caught in some electronic current and passed through the dog to the dog’s rear end and spat out. Thetans didn’t like this.” — L. Ron Hubbard, “Assists,” Class VIII Course, Lecture #10



13. “The main source of failure in section three is not strange thetans or hidden SPs but students who can’t audit.” — L. Ron Hubbard, Class VIII Course.



14. “I was in my apartment on February 23rd, about two or three o’clock in the morning when the apartment was entered, I was knocked out, had a needle thrust into my heart to give it a jet of air to produce ‘coronary thrombosis’ and was given an electric shock with a 110 volt current. This is all very blurred to me. I had no witnesses. But only one person had another key to that apartment and that was Sara.” — L. Ron Hubbard, letter to FBI, 1951.



15. “Wait a second, I’d like to note for the record that Mr. Ward here, said he was doing TR 1.1. And I would just like that noted here. That is probably not understandable to someone who is not a Scientologist, but it is definitely an attempt to demean the Religion of Scientology and I’d like that noted for the record. This TR 1.1 refers to a writing by Graham Berry, where he states that he will start up a 1.1 club, including, qualifications for this for non-homosexuals, is that there will be a public buggering of the leaders of Scientology. Buggering of course I think you know that it refers to sodomy and that is I understand what the 1.1 club is. I think that’s what Mr. Ward was stating that in reference to. I’d also like to state for the record. I believe I’ve taken about a minute to state that and I’m willing to give them an extra minute so that it doesn’t come off their time….Mr. Ward – I have seen postings from him, describing the various sexual acts that he has me engaged with various male members of the Scientology Religion, attorneys and so forth. And again, I won’t state here what that is, but he has already been ruled to be disgusting by the judge.” — David Miscavige, during a 1997 deposition, after defendant Grady Ward had simply uttered “TR one point one.”



— Jeffrey Augustine



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20 years later — the Phoenix Lights are still what we said they were

Continuing our plan to post some of our non-Scientology work here at the Underground Bunker, we’re reprinting a story we did for the Phoenix New Times in 1998, on the one-year anniversary of the famous “Phoenix Lights.” With the 20-year anniversary of that incident from March 13, 1997 coming up, expect there to be a lot of misinformation about it as the news media almost never get the most basic facts about that night correct. Here is our lengthy report not only about what really happened over the skies of Arizona, but about the people who were encouraging the confusion and profiting from it.

Enjoy our lengthy “The Hack and the Quack,” and let us know back here what you thought of it.







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HowdyCon 2017: Denver, June 23-25. Go here to start making your plans.



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Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley has not seen his daughter Stephanie in 4,678 days.

Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 1,781 days.

Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 2,275 days.

Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 1,315 days.

Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy in 1,027 days.

Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 494 days.

Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 4,612 days

Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 1,782 days.

Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 2,102 days.

Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 2,077 days.

Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 433 days.

Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin in 4,735 days.

Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 842 days.

Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis for 1,244 days.

Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 1,117 days.

Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 698 days.

Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike in 1,203 days.

Mary Jane Sterne has not seen her daughter Samantha in 1,447 days.

Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 12,556 days.



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Posted by Tony Ortega on March 1, 2017 at 07:00

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Our book, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information about the book, and our 2015 book tour, can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2016 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Undergound Bunker (2012-2016), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Learn about Scientology with our numerous series with experts…

BLOGGING DIANETICS: We read Scientology’s founding text cover to cover with the help of L.A. attorney and former church member Vance Woodward

UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists

GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice

SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts

Other links: Shelly Miscavige, ten years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | Scientology’s Private Dancer | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | Scientology boasts about assistance from Google | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Our Guide to Alex Gibney’s film ‘Going Clear,’ and our pages about its principal figures…

Jason Beghe | Tom DeVocht | Sara Goldberg | Paul Haggis | Mark “Marty” Rathbun | Mike Rinder | Spanky Taylor | Hana Whitfield