Continue Reading Below Advertisement

I went into oncology firm in the belief that chemotherapy would be another hellish ordeal, which I assumed would leave me in agony, constantly nauseated, and so fatigued that I couldn't leave my bed. In reality, I had some nausea that they fixed with medicine; I had some aches that they fixed with medicine; and I had some fatigue that I fixed by getting a few hours more rest than usual. My hair fell out, and I didn't care (although I was bummed about losing my beard, as it is the source of my earthbound strength).

Huntstock/DisabilityImages/Getty Images

"These could save your life, but at the cost of your facial hair."

"Can I have a day to think it over?"

Continue Reading Below Advertisement

My hair and beard regrew in the month between chemo and radiation, and I was told that radiation would have even fewer side effects. My only side effect was a little bit of heartburn during radiation and for about a week afterward, because the radiation weakened the valve inside me that keeps my stomach acid down. All things considered, I think that's a pretty fair trade for "not dying."

I have been cancer-free since November, and people I know still talk about how optimistic I was during the whole after-surgery healing process. The thing is, optimism didn't have much to do with it. I was just relieved that I would never have to experience the reality-shattering pain I had endured during surgery ever again. Nothing a human being can survive will ever hurt that much, and the catharsis of that realization has made me a happier person. The brutalizing pain put everything else in perspective.

Consequently, I feel like a huge weight's been lifted from my chest, although "carved" might be the more accurate word.

For more insider perspectives, check out 5 Ways Life Changes After a Near-Death Experience and The Gruesome Truth About Getting Shot (a First-Hand Account).

Are you on reddit? Check it: We are too! Click on over to our best of Cracked subreddit.

Have a story to share with Cracked? Email us here.