It has been revealed today that Sebastian Vettel, 22, is in fact the secret love child of Jeremy Clarkson, 49, of BBC TV’s Top Gear fame AND fellow star from the same programme, The Stig (age unknown).

Mr Clarkson was unavailable for comment, but a close source explained that in the latter part of 1987, whilst Jeremy was a rising motoring journalist, he and the Stig met at a party in London and had a one night stand. They went their separate ways the following day, but when The Stig realised he was pregnant with Jeremy’s child he got back in touch.

The Stig did not want an abortion but they both realised it would be bad for their respective careers to have to raise a child at this time. They agreed that they would give him up for adoption in a place far away and found the Vettel family in Heppenheim, Germany who took in Sebastian when he was born in July 1987.

Clarkson would make his TV debut on Top Gear the following year hoping this scandal would never catch up with him. In 2002 the shocking truth almost came out as The Stig threatened to go to the papers as he had fallen on hard times, but Jeremy gave him a position on the show.

When Sebastian Vettel made it into Formula 1 in 2007 they immediately realised what had happened to their long lost son. They were scared that people would recognise and notice Sebastian’s similar looks and eccentric habits to Jeremy’s and his inheritance of the great driving skills of The Stig.

Three years later and the truth is now finally out. Sebastian Vettel is so shocked by the news that he may not be able to race in Malaysia. Jeremy Clarkson has gone into hiding and The Stig is silent as always.