(Copying my Thank You letter to my Santa as it best sums up my feelings at the time of opening and since)

You're that awesome?!

I've been eagerly checking the mail over the last couple weeks as I've been waiting for a rather large refund check in the mail. I had totally forgotten that I was receiving a gift for the Secret Santa exchange until the doorbell rang and the postal service worker handed me a big ol' box with my name on it.

My first thought was "I didn't order anything recently."

My following thought was "I don't know anyone from [Location]."

Give or take a few micro-thought-seconds and it clicked: Holy crap - Secret Santa!

I was already chatting with a friend of mine via Google Talk when the package arrived, and since I had to share my excitement I demanded he and I chatted on Skype via webcam (my girlfriend is at work and I couldn't possibly wait to open it). Opening the USPS box I was expecting random stuff to fall out, but I instead find a carefully wrapped present box complete with ribbon. The ribbon didn't last long as my cats were just as curious as I was, but the ribbon served to sufficiently occupy them for quite awhile.

I shook the package - because I have to and because it's not as much fun unless you shake it - and thought it felt like clothing; ya know, like a sweater or something. I thought "did I ever make a post mentioning a lack of pants or warm clothing?" I giggled to myself thinking I had gotten a way too swanky nightie or an adult-sized onesie. So, post-ribbon and post-shaking, I tear into the wrapping paper like a... well, like a cat playing with string, I suppose. But with slightly less entanglement. Slightly.

Bam! I got orangered IRL! I actually inspected the envelope to see if it was some sort of bizarre pre-fabricated or purchased stationary. I reveled in its carefully measured orange-red handiwork and began opening it. Before I could yank the card out of the envelope I noticed a very familiar... creature in the gift box.

My mind immediately screamed "CACTAUR!" But I wouldn't allow myself to believe it. My higher brain function and my primal Final Fantasy instincts engaged in a battle of wits complete with video game summons and airships.

Brain battle is as follows (paraphrased): "They don't sell hats like that, do they?" "Maybe, but probably only in Japan or something." "This isn't from Japan, is it?" "No, there's an Old Navy tag." "Then, WTF? This item is visually and commercially impossible!"

In order to regain my bearings I turned back to the orangered and read the card.

"... I saw that you are a big Final Fantasy fan, so I made you a Cactuar (or "Cactrot" if you prefer) hat." -You

Made?! It looks too perfect to have been MADE (I can't stress the "made" part strong enough to give it justice). That's madness and certainly not of the Sparta variety! That's 1000 Needles madness (not to be confused with the Shimmering Flats WoW madness)!

After more reading and reeling from my unbelievable gift, my friend, who I had forgotten was watching me have a verbally silent, mentally challenging, and jaw-dropping experience on Skype, asked, "Dude, you okay? What'd ya get? It wasn't anthrax, right?"

The best I could muster a drool-laced barely audible, "Hat. No 'thrax."

He seemed disinterested and I can't blame him, I opened a box and started reading a card without so much as a peep. He then began poorly singing Imagine by John Lennon to his German Shepard.

After I came-to, I showed him the hat on the webcam. He asked what the creature was as he's not familiar with Final Fantasy outside of the Spirits Within movie from years ago. I explained to him what it was and how it was hand-made. He was more thoroughly impressed at that point.

"She also sent Star Wars MAD LIBS! And we're definitely going to be libbing it up when you come over for dinner on the 25th. Or hell, probably on the 22nd for my birthday. Drunken Mad Libs are the best."

His family lives in Virginia whereas he lives in [Redacted], so I cook dinner for Thanksgiving and Christmas for my family, girlfriend, and any of my estranged friends who don't have family remaining in the area. It's pretty much an excuse to eat way too much turkey and pie while drinking (or toking for some patrons) for at least 10 hours of the day. Needless to say, he was just as stoked as I was about Star Wars Mad Libs for the inebriated holidays.

Narrator: "But wait! That's not all! This box-o-wonders from a distant stranger that has held my friend, myself, and my cats in a state of elated bliss has not given up all of its magical internal organs just yet. If you open up a Reddit Secret Santa gift today, you get not one, not two, but... and get this... you get THREE whole gifts!"

Stitches: A Memoir by David Small. Sweet! Something new to read! Just about done with my current lot of check-outs from the library - wait, what's this? It's like a graphic novel? With hand-drawn and/or watercolored images... by the author? How awesome!

To be honest, I've already delved into it since I opened the package, and I'm sad that I'm bound to be done with it before the night is over! Well, and there's a certain solemn somber quality that only the author's illustrations and words can successfully illicit that also makes me sad.

After all the mayhem from opening such an amazing package can bring, I forgot that I should have recorded the damned opening of it! It seems my eagerness and child-like impatience has hindered me from making an awesome Secret Santa video submission to commemorate your superior Secret Santa status.

Fortunately, you can claim your title via a holiday-themed or novelty account setup in your honor.

Username: WorldBestSecretSanta Password: [Redacted]

You've done an amazing job stalking, shopping, and Santa'ing. As such, I bestow upon you said Reddit account created on a whim as menial showing of my gratitude (which, by the way, does your gift absolutely no justice whatsoever). Change the password, bestow it upon someone else, do what you like with it, but remember: you earned it, and no one else is worthy!

I will be posting pics and profusely proclaiming my pride (I had no idea alliteration was that much fun!) as the best giftee in all the kingdom to Redditgifts and the SecretSanta subreddit tonight.

But first I have to make sure the fattest of my two cats doesn't eat that ribbon!

TL;DR: Yes, you are that awesome.