Focusing Too Much on “Me” Can Feed Into Depression and Negativity

24 SHARES Share Tweet



Self-awareness is an important part of happiness, but you have to be careful not to focus too much on yourself – to the point where you begin to confuse “self-awareness” for what is actually “self-indulgence.”

Self-awareness is a non-judgmental form of introspection that seeks to better understand yourself. But self-indulgence is a judgmental form of introspection that seeks to feed and protect your ego.

Both are forms of reflection, but they come from very different perspectives.

When your introspection comes from a place of “self-indulgence” it can often turn into negative rumination – a common symptom that underlies depression and anxiety. We begin to think about ourselves excessively, especially about our own problems, flaws, failures, and negative past experiences.

If you want to find more happiness and meaning in your life, it sometimes helps to shift your thinking away from “What can I do for me to make me happy” into “What can I do for others to make others happy?”

Negative and depressed people can often think a lot about negative, self-oriented things, such as :

“Look at all the bad things that happened to me.“

“Look at all the people who don’t like me.“

“Look at all the ways I didn’t get what I wanted.”

“Look at all the things I did wrong.”

How often do you notice these kind of statements in your own self-talk or in your conversations with others? How often do you talk about your problems?

These are very real and serious things to be more mindful of if you are someone who is trying to better their mental health and self-esteem.

In one study published in Journal of Research in Personality, psychologists recorded 60-90 minute therapy sessions and found that individuals who used more of first-person singular pronouns like “I” and “me” were actually more likely to suffer from depression.

This excessive use of “I” may reveal an unhealthy focus on ourselves that blinds us to the bigger picture in life, an essential ingredient for finding meaning and happiness.

Another study revealed that the excessive use of “I” and “Me” can lead to marital dissatisfaction, and another study shows another link with greater social anxiety and lower self-esteem.



Shift Your Perspective from “Me” ➜ “We”

In general, negative thinking is often a result of living “too much inside our heads” – only being concerned with ourselves, and our own wants and needs, and not paying enough attention to the outside world that exists around us.

On the other hand, new research also shows the power of “we” and “us”, which are words that give us a strong sense of social connectedness and shared experiences.

One fascinating study even found that a “sense of oneness” is often linked to better mental health and well-being, further showing the need for us to see beyond ourselves if we want to live a satisfying life.

Now, of course, this doesn’t mean that self-reflection is bad or that we should never focus on our problems or try to improve ourselves. (This is a website about self-improvement, after all).

However, one of the main paradoxes to finding happiness is that we sometimes need to focus on others to improve ourselves. It’s the old wisdom, “help others to help yourself.”

There are many ways to shift your focus more toward others:

Volunteer your time

Donate to a charity

Listen to a friend in need

Take part in social activism

Do a favor for a stranger

Greet people more and ask how they are

Start small. Start with whatever you are comfortable with. But begin to shift that focus away from “me” every now and then.

Not only does this shift in perspective remind you that there is more to the world than you, it also shows that you can create value and help others be happier – and it feels good to know you are capable of doing that .



Stay updated on new articles and resources in psychology and self improvement:



