Sunday afternoon Noah Syndergaard was pitching and he was throwing absolute DIRT. Just straight filth coming out of that man’s hands. His movement coupled with the wind had Thor’s balls were moving in a way that almost defied physics. The Pitching Ninja tweeted a GIF of a particular pitch that was not only unhittable, but uncatchable. I retweeted the Pitching Ninja where he talked about Noah’s “Black Magic Slider.” He had the GIF. He has his own followers. I retweeted it because thats the right thing to do. I then sent another tweet using the “Tweet GIF” feature on twitter where you can embed just the GIF into your own tweet and said “Noah out here playing wiffle ball” because to be honest a wiffle ball reference plays better than a “black magic” reference. Are you bored by this story yet? I’d imagine you are. I am. Because its the most basic internet interaction of all time. I retweeted this dude and then used the GIF for my own commentary. Thats how the goddam internet works.

Its been a minute since I’ve found myself embroiled in a Twitter Beef. These things usually just find me and start over the most harmless nonsense, but theres been a pretty significant drought waiting for the next saga to unfold. Well I’ve finally stumbled into an Internet War and it appears my latest nemesis is this pitching coach who fancies himself a Ninja, and his legion of baseball hardos. It feels great to be back.

Well apparently that was not enough for the Pitching Ninja and his followers. Sunday night Mr. Ninja began crying to me that I stole his content. He called me “Stealy McStealface” and his baseball hardo followers acted like I yoinked an original video and claimed to be the Pitching Ninja myself.

People were incensed. I had tweeted the Pitching Ninja’s GIF. How could I do such a thing? How dare I. It was all over for your boy KFC. It was the most immoral thing I had done in months.

The only problem is that Pitching Ninja was talking about stealing content that had already been stolen from Major League Baseball. MLB is notorious for keeping all of their content under lock and key. Its the most idiotic policy in all of professional sports. Not allowing millions of people to promote your product on twitter for the cost of zero dollars is something I will never, ever understand. The NBA is by far the most global and interactive American sport on the planet and they allow their fans to run wild with their own pirated content. Thats not a coincidence.

But regardless of how idiotic it is, everyone on Twitter knows this. Almost everyone at Barstool has been suspended for tweeting MLB content in the past. We had to negotiate for like a year to get highlight rights in order to launch Starting 9. We have all been strictly informed that no MLB content should be disseminated from our accounts because its not worth the risk. Well guess what happened to the Pitching Ninja after making a very public stink regarding illegal baseball content with a company that Twitter and MLB monitors incessantly?

Insert allllllll of the crying face emojis here. My guy narc’d on himself. He flew too close to the sun on wings made of MLB property. And there’s nothing I can do about that, folks. People are acting like I reported this guy to the Twitter police or I weaponized against him which couldnt be further from the truth. This dude brought the scrutiny on himself because he couldnt keep his mouth shut. Its like a drug dealer calling the police to say that someone is trying to sell on the same corner as him. You cant cry about stealing stuff you already steal.

And let me tell you, if the Ninja fans were upset about GIF stealing, you should have seen them once they found out their leaders was cunceled. It was pure devastation.

And about a zillion other tweets about me cheating and my wife and my kids. Again to be clear, this is a guy that I retweeted because he posted an awesome baseball GIF. Thats the absolute most you can do as far as giving credit and giving a hat tip.

Anyway it seemed to particularly hit this one guy very hard:

The dude’s wife is getting involved! She calls herself Mrs. Ninja. I’m not gonna post it here because I know first hand it sucks when the internet fucks with your family but when your wife is chiming in about your baseball twitter account has been suspended, you know we’re getting a little too dramatic.

You woulda thought that this guy died or something. Like a baseball great died in a tragic accident or something. Pitching Ninja’s fans are walking around with a black armband on today. The game lost a great, great man. How will the sport continue without this dude posting GIFs he ripped from the broadcast??? For shame! Between Pitching Ninja getting shut down for stealing, and Lebron getting sued for his barbershop show, its like Karma is working over time.

Everyone else on the internet has dealt with this bullshit from MLB for a long time now. Guys like Jared and Dallas and Hubbs trying to put out content and produce shows and grow their brand and grow the game all while being watched by MLB and Twitter. Pitching Ninja finally has to play by the same rules and everyone is up in arms? Get lawst. I ain’t no snitch and truth be told I would love to see more GIFs of Noah but anybody who starts acting like a little bitch about the internet, rats themselves out by accident, and then gets suspended like 24 hours later is gonna put a smile on my face. Thats swift internet justice.

My thoughts and prayers are with the Ninjahive. I’m not sure how you guys will survive this trying time but sending you my positive vibes so you can make it through this tragedy.

PS – Insert 50-75 comments about me being a cheater and a thief and and a bad husband and a scumbag and how my family hates me etc etc etc. But facts are facts Pitching Ninja telling on himself is internet hilarity.