Looxxlooxx Sat 06-Apr-19 22:44:06

I don’t even know where to start . But I’m dealing with a narcissist/sociapath/psychopath I don’t even know what but he’s wrecked havoc on my life and I feel a shell of myself . It’s been two years of cheating lying manipulation , gas lighting . He’s lost 2 jobs . One I supported him with and gave him money . Which he used to cheat on my on a stag do with a girl he cheated on me wirh six months previous at Christmas . He was on the stag do and she was in Benidorm with her friends and I later found 12 months later he had been wirh her . He has been linked to multiple girls in my town . He had a work wife behind my back . He slept with the girl from Benidorm best friend when we were on a break when he promised me he was not interested in others while my heart was broken. He goes silent for weeks and when I give up crying and accept he would come back round mine. In the most traumatic situations he would be unphased by my pleas. He completely ignores my calls and when he does get in touch he blames me that ‘I’m making stuff in my head ‘ ‘it’s me who needs to change’ the discard previously he did this when his sister told me it was disgusting and he had actually been trying to get wirh another girl while I was ringing him that weekend . When I confronted him broken inside he blocked me on all social media and phone and never spoke to me again for weeks . I was left shattered but I managed to stay away from him for 7 weeks . I was stronger then. I didn’t look for him or snoop after my discard . I stopped anyone from talking about him and even though I was hurting I managed to main a social life and meet others knowing he had been lying and had abused me and gone off and never had the decency to tell me what he did. He then contacted me 7 weeks later by email (which wasn’t a regretting one) he just talked about himself and the ending was ‘and I should just tell you I want to be with you’ . I thought the email was rather selfish and maintained no contact for a week or so. I saw he had unblocked me on social media forums . I let the email get to me and I sent one back angrily saying he was selfish and he choose to lie cheat and go off with another girl . He just said ‘I just needed to tell you how I felt and I’m glad I did ‘ . It became a email argument war for about two weeks. He still had the other girl who he claimed he didn’t like , on social media . He said he never regretted going off as it ‘made him see the bigger picture ‘ and ‘infact he was glad of it ‘ . I can’t process his through process . He blamed me for him going off and said I ‘messed with his head and if I hadn’t he wouldn’t have gone off with all these girls ‘. He some how manages to turn everything around on me. He admitted it ‘was wrong how he just blocked me and what he did wirh the girl ‘ but the relationship was on its knees and ‘we both didn’t want to be together apparently ! He some how managed to get back in my life and say he wanted to spend it with me and go on adventures and it was a clean slate. He said he wanted everything in the open and all truths . So I agreed to tell him who I had met , text dated , which was none of his business because he had left me cheated on me abandoned me but he said he wanted ‘every detail ‘ and ‘not to leave one single detail out’ . When I asked him about things I also felt I needed to know he lied. He said he was not interested in any girl and had only dated text , slept with one. He said I had done far worse . I had his laptop the other day doing assignment work helping a friend and I logged on his Facebook. I could see more girls he tried to get into. It seemed it was 2-4 girls at one time on a two events . That’s two events I know of. I could see him laughing with his cousin in messages of how he had ‘rang this girl a million times on Facebook ‘ (the one his sister told me about which resulted in the blocking of me ‘ . And I quote from him ‘won’t be the first won’t be the last ‘ . I felt sick I was crying and asking him what was wrong in his head . He got up angrily and said ‘right I’m leaving I’m sick of this ‘ ‘your so selfish ‘ I begged him to prove there wasn’t any more girls . I said ‘you’ve lied to me ‘ he said ‘there’s nothing in it ‘he never acted on it , different mind sets . I said ‘it’s 2-3 girls at every event . How could you do this and laugh ? . He point blank refused to resolve and walked home abandonnng me thinking he had been with another girl. The next day I was built with anger . After two years of destroying me emotionally, any occasion we had, my finances , my love for him and me divulging our ‘clean slate’ I said some mean things to him. I told him I wanted him to die . I hated him he constantly needed narcissistic supply . I was awful in my words and in the last final weeks of this to be honest hit him three weeks previous in another emotional abuse event. I absolutely do not condone violence and I hate myself for it I cried after it thinking what’s wrong wirh me . I now said I hate him and wanted him to die . But after 1-2 days of him unresolving and Ignoring me he blocked me on everything . If anyone has ever been through emotional trauma they will know how I feel and how crazy someone makes you feel . He argued and blamed me in them 1-2 days saying ‘it was banter with his friends ‘ and he never went with anyone and ‘I lied to use his laptop (which I never ) he then has focused all of everything on the fact I told him to just die . I’m sick disgusting and everything . It got to the weekend and low he was ringing someone on his phone stored under a different number 14 times . I know he’s had numbers stored in his phone because he rings Girls desperately after being put drunk. He did it to me. And 3-4 other girls that I am aware and caught . So I know he’s been ringing another girl he’s had stored under his sisters name . He got caught out and refused to tell me and said he didn’t . This was a week after the split . He just sat in my car with no expresssikn just like all the other times and saying ‘you told me to go die’ . I was crying my eyes out trying to resolve and he just calmly wrapped up a charger wire he found in the car of his and got out the car and walked off . I went home . I knew he had been seeing someone and I felt crazy. He’d come back with all these empty promises and then abandoned me again. On the day of me finding the stuff on his laptop he had resigned from his job as he was about to get sacked for gross misconduct . There was several cases made against him one saying he was not seen on cctv at all for 5 hours on a night shift suggesting he was asleep . He put people in danger wirh elective and didn’t use safety procedures and didn’t complete tasks. This is the third job I know he’s been sacked or walked from due to himself. So when he was at my house and I had been on his laptop and found all these lies he said I was selfish after what had happened that day. I’m trying to process all these emotions . I had supported him in the past. It wasn’t to do with any of that . He wasn’t using me . Lying to me . I still wanted the relationship and I did spend the 8-9 days trying to contact him on phone and going round his house but when he walked out my car I tried the next day and in such an emotional mess on the phone he just had no empathy or remorse and was blaming me like all the other times . I said ‘how could you do this ? And he just said ‘bye’ , and hung up. I didn’t contact again. I changed my number and have blocked him on anything I have on social media . It’s been three weeks. We were meant to be going to Peru , it’s his birthday next week . He’s been out every week chasing girls and I know he has. And I feel like Iv been dragged through this torment all again . I know what I have done . So please be gentle wirh me . It’s hard enough as it is. I don’t leave the house . Iv been in the house and trying to maintain working life and functioning. My emotions are a mess. My memory is a mess. I cry at anything. My abuser is out getting new supply and my dreams of Peru have been destroyed . He already had a flight booked for September and we were meant to be going in May so o feel discarded and he’s continuing . I’m too scared to do anything of the stuff I wanted to do with him but I don’t want to let him wreck my life but it’s taking them steps. Does it get better. ?? He’s also kept that he is ‘in a relationship ‘ on Facebook through these past three weeks ‘when I was looking . But we have not spoke in three weeks. Will I be able to achieve doing things without him . I feel ugly . I don’t want to leave the house . People say it gets better in time . I’m 33 and I didn’t want to be doing this . He is 28 and he’s been chasin. After 19 year olds. Does he hate me or using stuff against me ? I cry about what Iv said to him in anger but he’s never given one second tonthink about me. Why did I love this person . I don’t believe in love anymore and I’m certain he’s tossed me aside like I’m worthless for the last time.

I v tried to read so much on sociapaths . He lies , cheats manipulates , no empathy remorse .



I even found a message to one friend sent years ago saying ‘these girls literally don’t even know who I am, I’m such a good actor’



When Iv confronted him about anything he says ‘I was young , or I was stupid’ or drugs made me do it or Iv learnt from my mistakes .



I’m scared I’m the cause of this . And he’s going to sail off into the sunset with some younger model and I’m left (again) racking my brain trying to get by each day, crying and il never feel the same again.

The fact we had Peru and he’l just still go .

I know Iv gone on but will everything be ok in time ?



Will he be like this for the rest of his life. It says sociapaths get worse . I know i need to work on myself . I keep looking at social media at all these pretty girls around my town and he’s out just cracking into anything and I’m at home a mess and cannot function and feel old . He’s broken me this time .