Filed to: Laughing at other people's pain

As in past years, the Sun Sentinel has created a searchable database of emergency room visits around the country. And as in past years, we have trolled the data for the finest examples of insertions showcasing extraordinarily bad luck and/or ingenuity.


Sorted by orifice, working south:

Ear:

KEY

BUTTON

HOT WAX

PLASTIC DART

PIECE OF PAPER

“TOOTHPICK AND THEN HAIRPIN”

WOOD

SCREWDRIVER

PLASTIC DRINKING STRAW

ERASER

FLY

RUBBER BAND

KNIFE


Nose:

DIXIE CUP

HAIR BARRETT

“TWO KITCHEN MAGNETS IN EACH NOSTRIL”

COLORING PENCIL

NICKEL

WAD OF TOILET TISSUE

MARDI GRAS BEAD

SMALL TOY

PIECE OF PLASTIC HANGER

PICK-UP STICK

“BB PELLETS WHILE TRYING A MAGIC TRICK”

SCREW

STICKER

CRUCIFIX

BATTERY

TOY DIAMOND

“A PENNY OR POPCORN IN NOSE, SEEMS BOTHERED”

Throat:

LEMON SEED

MAXI PAD

CHECKER

THIMBLE

THUMBTACK

BUTTERFLY

PLASTIC TOY GUN

STAPLE

KEYCHAIN RING

NAIL

MODEL TOY AIRPLANE

Penis:

SPOON

PLASTIC ZIP TIE

FORKS

ORNAMENT

“PIECE OF TIMBER”

PEN

SODA CAN POP TOP

Vagina:

BEDPOST

“WAS DARED TO PUT A COSMETICS BOTTLE IN VAGINA”

TOY MICROPHONE STAND

SPOON

“COCK RING THAT BECAME DISLODGED”

METAL BAR

2 SPONGES

PIECE OF BASKETBALL SHORTS

SEWING NEEDLES

“PATIENT STATES SHE SLIPPED & FELL ONTO A TOY TRUCK WHILE CLEANING”

HAIRSPRAY CAP

TUB STOPPER

“12YOF GOING THROUGH MOM’S DRAWER, FOUND PENIS SHAPED ‘PLEASURE ITEM,’ EXPERIMENTING PUTTING IN HER VAGINA, COULDN’T GET OUT”


Rectum:

FRENCH BREAD

HAND WRENCH

CIGARETTE LIGHTER

CRAYON

“STUCK TOY IN RECTUM AND BROKE OFF, SAW MOM INSERT TAMPON AND MIMICKED”

VIAL OF BATH SALTS

ARTIFICIAL CHRISTMAS TREE BRANCH

DRUM STICK

VINEGAR BOTTLE

LOTION BOTTLE

MOUTHWASH BOTTLE

SHAMPOO BOTTLE

BABY BOTTLE

“LOOFA W/SUCTION CUP W/HOOK ATTACHED”