The Men’s Rights Movement (or MRM, as it will hereafter be referred to as), is an important movement in my opinion. It has raised discussions on important topics otherwise commonly brushed off by North American society. Issues that are often ignored, including father’s rights, higher rates among male homelessness, and male rape, which often goes unreported, making it more difficult for men to come forward out of fear that they will either not be taken seriously, be called a pussy, or less than a man. I think the MRM is important.

As an avid feminist (and therefore, according to the internet, a man hater despite the fact that I myself am a guy), I often find myself having to defend my stance on the MRM, and the movement in general. I will admit, when I first heard about the MRM, I was baffled. Why did we need a movement? It’s not like we are the ones that have been, and continue to be, marginalised by society. I did not understand it.

I didn’t understand it because of the internet. Every time I found myself on a Men’s Rights forum or reading about it, it was always negative. The only thing the MRM seemed to be concerned about was destroying feminism, and discussing how feminism had destroyed the natural (whatever that means) hierarchy in society. I was angry. The MRM didn’t need to exist. Not if that’s what it was.

I became vocal about my feelings shortly after a student at my own Alma Mater was attacked outside of her home supposedly because of her stance against a MRM guest lecturer coming to the university. I was pissed off, as you can imagine, like everyone else. If this is what the MRM was, it had to be stopped. I made a point of visiting MRM forums, such as r/mensrights and the like. I was appalled. The only physical goal the MRM had was to destroy feminism, and everything that feminism has worked so hard to accomplish. It was a misogyny filled nightmare, and I wanted it stopped.

But then I did a little more digging. It turned out that the real MRM, the one that existed outside of the internet, was a little bit more than woman bashing and feminist hating. The MRM dealt with a whole slew of issues, from adoption to domestic violence, rape to military conscription. I was, once again, baffled. Why were there two roads of the MRM? Why was the only thing that anyone ever paid attention to negative? These were certainly issues that needed to be addressed, issues that, as I already said, are commonly swept under the rug. Why all the negative attention?

Well, the negative attention is mostly because yes, there are two roads to the MRM, one vehemently anti-feminist, the other working along side feminism to accomplish and discuss these issues and reach a common ground. Unfortunately, the internet (read as the worst place on earth to discuss anything logically), is mostly dominated by the former, taking up forums on Reddit and websites like http://www.returnofkings.com, which claim to be part of the larger MRM. It’s no wonder that anyone who has ever dealt with someone that claims to be a Men’s Rights Activist (MRA) is left with a splitting headache and a disdain for the whole movement. When the whole of the portion of the internet is dominated by people who care about nothing more than woman hating, in the guise of the MRM, of course people are going to hate you.

And they’re going to write about you.

And they’re going to try and take you down.

So why am I writing about the MRM? Well, because I feel like it is misunderstood, at least in terms of its importance in North American society, and it’s the internet’s fault. If real MRA’s did a better job of bringing understanding to the table of what they were actually trying to accomplish, a lot more people would be on their side, or at least give them the time of day. And they would realise that feminism and the MRM have common goals. But instead, they let forums on the internet dominate the sphere of the discussion, muddying it up with woman haters and people that don’t actually care about the goals of the MRM.

And that is why I, initially, hated the whole idea. I wasn’t about to let a bunch of whiny punks that didn’t understand how the world works, and claimed to represent men, run feminism into the ground because they equated feminism with man hating. But luckily for us, it’s just a bunch of idiots on the internet that are doing that. And they are a vocal group, much more so than any radical sect of feminism, in my opinion.

So, what’s to be done?

Well, firstly, if you find yourself talking to an MRA, hear them out. This should be common courtesy for anyone, but I feel it needs to be said in this case. Because just like the word feminism has a negative connotation thanks to the internet, so does being an MRA. In my personal experience it has been overwhelmingly negative talking to so called “MRA’S” on the internet, but sometimes you get surprised by someone that actually knows what the movement is about and they care about the issues at hand.

Secondly, the MRM needs to do a better job of making themselves vocal. Stop letting idiots take over your movement with nothing more than hate. It’s detrimental to your movement just like radicals are to any movement. Distance yourself from those people.

That’s what needs to be done with any movement. The movement itself needs to distance itself from radicals. The MRM has not done this in any way shape or form, and it doesn’t seem to be trying, but it needs to.

These issues are important. They can’t be ignored, and they certainly should stop being muddied by people claiming to be for the movement, but in reality want to moan and groan about another movement that they themselves don’t understand. Just as I and others, modern feminists, distance ourselves from those who are not really feminists but rather misandrists, I suggest real MRA’s do the same with those who find nothing better to do than complain about feminism.

Because no one is going to want to understand you if they think you’re spewing nothing but hate.