

You don't have to be a lesbian to enjoy another woman's touch; I'm not and yet I love my girlfriend very much. Bi or pansexual is probably the word that best describes my sexuality, but on the whole I think labels matter very little. As it turns out, I'm not the only one feeling this way; Shakira and Rihanna do too. Don't they?

According to a recent report, 16% of women aged 16-44 have had a same-sex experience, yet far fewer label themselves as anything other than hetero.

Why? Could it be because bisexuals are stigmatised as greedy and untrustworthy, often considered only half-committed to the cause by fully-fledged gay people or promiscuous in the eyes of those who are straight? Bisexual has almost become a byword for anything goes, and more often than not bisexuals are thought of as attention-seeking. Two superstars frolicking the to get the attention of a man certainly doesn't help the bisexual cause, which is why I have beef with Shakira and RiRi.

Women getting steamy in front of man-held cameras is not a new phenomenon, especially not in pop music. So it was hardly surprising when Shakira and Rihanna's video for new single Can't Remember to Forget You was made complete with some saucy images of Sapphic seduction.

There's nothing wrong with that – other than the usual irresponsible messages that all too many pop stars send their young fans about women needing to strip down in order to get male attention. It's a classic concept that we see every day and one that clearly boosts sales, too.

What gets to me most, however, is the bit where Rihanna and Shakira sing "I'd do anything for that boy" while touching each other's naked skin. While onscreen their use of lesbianism appears to be a way of increasing viewer interest (this is of course one of the oldest tricks in the book, think taTu), backstage they both speak openly about how they're sucking their stomachs in trying to out-sex each other. God knows I believe Lily Allen when she says that it's hard out there.

Shakira and Rihanna are queens of popular music; they set the golden standard. Other artists will try to outdo them, girls will practise their moves and thanks to them, the idea persists that women who engage in lesbian activity, without calling themselves lesbians, do this for attention.

The YouTube community reflects this – countless comments refer to the video as porn or masturbation fodder. This kind of online behaviour does translate into real life. Walking hand in hand with my girlfriend often results in comments, either loudly shouted or silently whispered, from men "asking" for threesomes. Harmless banter, exhibitions of power – or do they really think that's how it works?

I don't personally think that people, men in particular, are stupid enough to be fooled by the marketing tricks at play in the world of entertainment. I do, however, think that videos like this let us down. Of course we crave mindless entertainment at times, and there's nothing wrong with being sexy or exploring sexuality, but we need to talk about the way that we portray, and view, non-hetero relationships.

Why are they sensationalised? Why do we sell lyrics about love for men with lesbian visuals?

They are misleading for young women struggling with self-image and sexuality, and they're patronising when they assume that more men will buy because of them. Moreover, they further establish the idea that non-straight women really want to be with men, once again undermining the idea that bisexuals are just as loving and faithful to their partners as straight or gay people are.

There are plenty of women in music doing it right, Mary Lambert and Angel Haze being two of my biggest heroes, but with videos like Shakira and Rihanna's reaching almost 80 million views in one week, it's no wonder that for many the word bisexual still equals greedy.