Here it comes. Collapse III. Son of Son of Collapse. The Pirates are doomed. They haven’t had a significant slump all year, unless you count the 1-5 start, but now they’ve lost seven of nine. As we all know, good teams never lose seven of nine, so the Pirates obviously suck.

Uh . . . . . . .

Atlanta: From April 19 to April 28, the Braves lost . . . seven of nine. And from April 17 to May 15, they went 10-17.

St. Louis: Just over three weeks ago, the Cards started on a seven-game losing streak, the last four to the Pirates. A week later, they had a four-game losing streak. From July 26 to August 10, they went 4-13.

Cincinnati: From June 18 to June 28, the Reds lost . . . seven of nine. Starting on July 26, they had a five-game losing streak and, through August 4, lost . . . seven of nine.

L.A. Dodgers: From mid-April through early May, the Dodgers had a six-game and an eight-game losing streak. They went 6-17 from April 14 to May 10. They weren’t much better over the next five weeks.

Arizona: From June 8 to June 17, the D’backs lost . . . seven of nine. From June 23 to July 2 they lost eight of nine.

Boston: From May 3 to May 14, the Red Sox lost nine of eleven.

Tampa Bay: From April 7 to April 16, the Rays lost seven of eight. From June 9 to June 18 they lost eight of ten. They lost eight of ten again from July 31 to August 13, including a six-game losing streak.

Baltimore: From May 14 to May 20, the Orioles lost six in a row. They had a four-game losing streak in late June and a week later started another stretch of losing six of eight. From July 23 to July 31, they lost six of eight again, and they ended another four-game losing streak a couple days ago.

N.Y. Yankees: Starting May 26, the Yankees lost seven of eight. Starting June 11, they lost . . . seven of nine. Starting June 19, they lost eight of eleven. Starting July 13, they went 6-14.

Detroit: From June 25 to July 1, the Tigers lost six of seven. They’ve also had stretches of 4-8, 2-6 and 1-5.

Cleveland: From April 4 to April 19, the Indians went 3-10. From May 21 to June 10, they went 4-16, finishing with an eight-game losing streak. They had a six-game losing streak that ended a little over a week ago.

Kansas City: From May 6 to May 14, the Royals lost . . . seven of nine. Shortly after that, they had losing streaks of four and eight games. From May 6 to June 4 they went 6-22. Starting July 10, they lost five in a row and . . . seven of nine.

Texas: From June 6 to June 16, the Rangers lost nine of eleven. From July 10 to July 28, they went 3-12.

Oakland: Starting April 19, the A’s lost eight of nine. Starting May 6, they lost eight of ten. From April 19 to May 15, to they went 8-18. Starting on June 14, they lost seven of ten. Starting on July 30, they lost six of seven.

This is every team in baseball with a winning record. The Pirates might get straightened out or they might not, but it’s practically impossible to go through a season without a stretch like the one they’re in now. It’s remarkable that they went so long without a slump like this. Being apprehensive because of it is one thing, but pronouncing it the beginning of a collapse as if this was an established fact is just losing all sense of perspective.