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Australia Day.

It’s only been an national public holiday since 1988, and since the Bicentenary it has become quite a divisive issue.

Aboriginal people have never really like it because they feel it is an inconsiderate way to remember a date that marks the beginning of an invasion. Nationalists like it because it makes them feel a burning sense of pride about how lucky they have it.

But is it really that black and white?

We spoke to Urshela. A performance based artist from the New South Wales entitlement-belt, Sydney’s Inner-West. He has no real political experience and he hasn’t officially left University, but his opinion is universal within his immediate circle of people exactly like him.

We interviewed him about Australia Day:

Urshela, how are you today, mate?

Please don’t call me mate. It’s quite patriarchal to suggest that only men can have friends. Do you hear many women say that word?

Oh… Sorry about that.

It’s okay. I guess. I just find it so funny that men throw that word around so willy nilly. I mean, there’s quite obvious homo-erotic insinuations that surround that word. It’s like, we have such a toxic culture of masculinity in Australia that men aren’t even allowed to cry on public transport, but at the same time we refer to each other using terminology that was coined by homosexual lovers in the Navy.

Right… Please talk more about this toxic culture of masculinity you are talking about.

Well you wouldn’t know because judging by the fact that you aren’t pronouncing the G’s at the end of each word, I’m going to assume you were publicly educated. Which is cool. But, yeah. I went to Xavier College in Melbourne and I learnt very early that if you can’t play football you may as well be an artist. Which is what happened to me. I’m a product of that toxic culture of masculinity. My dad stopped calling me after he saw my first instalment, where I gave birth to myself, covered in chocolate sauce, in dark room with a strobe light.

It’s like, sorry that I wasn’t born to be a ruckman, dad!

Well. This is getting a bit off track. I’m not going to give you another chance to get offended so I’ll cut straight to the chase. How do you feel about January 26th.

I tend to agree with that SBS journalists who got fired because of his tweets about Australians raping and pillaging Northern African and the Mediterranean. It’s like, we glamourise these so-called ANZACs for their bravery. But… They didn’t even win. Not to mention the fact that they were bloodthirsty, uncouth, bogans from the country.

I know a lot of the local MOB in this area and I know they aren’t to thrilled about all these migaloos walking around on their country. Them fullas don’t like that at all.

I’m a whitefulla. But my family, they on Wallumattagal country. That’s my mob.

Mate. I think you are confusing January 26th for April 25th. ANZAC Day. But it is interesting to hear your thoughts on that anyway.

Stop calling me mate!

Holy shit. This is hard work… I’ll try again. How do you feel about Australia Day.

Put another flag on the barbie.

Okay. Do you ever get the feeling that blokes like you might not actually be any help to any form of public debate?

Oh… Bloke. Wow. Really sensitive pronoun that one. Didn’t you just hear what I told you about my dad?

This interview is over.

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