The other day, I broke up with my coffee mug. For the past 5 years, we had a relationship that was like no other. We watched TV together. We drank coffee together. We mixed drinks together. We got drunk together. We shared a bed together. I thought that cup would be the one. One day after a long day at work, I went home and in the kitchen, I saw my coffee mug sitting next to…another coffee mug. They were brewing coffee together with MY coffee maker.

My coffee mug tried to explain what “had happened”. I was furious. I grabbed that hussy of a coffee mug and smashed her against the wall. I turned around and saw my coffee mug on the floor in bits. I accidentally knocked Mr. Coffee on the ground while throwing the lady coffee mug to the wall. Some may say, I murdered my coffee mug but I didn’t. I literally broke up with my coffee mug. Some may also say I murdered the lady coffee mug but let’s ignore what I did to that mug and focus on my sadness instead.

The morning after the incident, um, the breakup, I did some reflecting while drinking whiskey out of a plastic cup. I had no other mug. Here was what I learned about love after breaking up with my coffee mug.