ManMaid

Disguise the limit in this new gender-bending comedy from the director of Big Momma’s House! Scotland Yard detective Belvedere Jeeves (Jason Statham) is hot on the trail of notorious video pirate Nigel Morgan-Freeman (Ian McShane). Jeeves will do anything to catch his man, even become a woman. Which is exactly what happens when Jeeves infiltrates the all-female house staff at Morgan-Freeman’s Louisiana estate. Never one to give less than 110% to an assignment, Jeeves undergoes a series of excruciating gender reassignment surgeries to make his cover story of being a faded Southern belle-turned-domestic all the more believable.

But this post-op undercover op has more things to worry about than saving the world from the scourge of video piracy. Morgan-Freeman can’t keep his pervy hands off Jeeves. And Jeeves finds himself falling for Morgan-Freeman’s vivacious cupcake-blogger daughter (Katherine Heigl). But he doesn’t have the balls to make a move on her. Literally.

He cooks, he cleans, he takes out the trash. ManMaid is 110% guaranteed laffs!

Soldier Bear

Soldier Bear is inspired by the amazing true story of Wojtek, the beer-drinking Syrian brown bear who served in the Polish Artillery during World War II. And “inspired by” means it was embellished beyond recognition by Hollywood screenwriters to appeal to the lowest common denominator.

The bear in this movie has a less foreign-sounding name – Beary B. Bruin. And he doesn’t just carry artillery boxes and supplies, like the real bear did. The bear in this movie is a badass Nazi-killing bear! He can fire bazookas, drive tanks, and fly airplanes. Oh yeah, and this bear also has a tragic backstory explaining why he wants to kill all the Nazis. Hitler stole his honey. Big mistake!

Featuring Mark Wahlberg, Ron Perlman, and Andy Serkis as Beary B. Bear. With Nicolas Cage as Der Fuhrer.

Old Farts

Fart-based prop comic “Farty Artie” Cohen (Adam Sandler) attempts to put his hilariously senile father (Henry Winkler) into an old folks home. But due to a hilarious clerical error, Artie is accidentally sent there instead. But instead of correcting this error so his father can receive the care he needs, Artie hilariously discovers that he loves the retirement home life – the lack of responsibilities, the bland colorless food, and the fact that it’s socially acceptable to soil your pants. There he befriends the legendary retired fart-based comedy duo of Smeltum & Deltum (Academy Award­ winners Michael Caine and Clint Eastwood) who regale Artie with tales of the glory days of fart-based prop comedy.

Artie also uncovers a *hilarious* plot by the evil janitor Falafel Shawarma (Rob Schneider) to murder the seniors and sell their transplanted organs on the black market. Old Farts is more than hilarious, it’s a gas!

Jem and the Holograms

Hasbro’s pop music/fashion icon is back with a new and truly outrageous live action film courtesy of visionary director David Fincher (The Social Network, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo).

The year is 1985. After her father mysteriously dies, Jerrica Benton (Emma Stone) inherits half of his company, Starlight Records. But her father’s business partner, Eric Raymond (Jon Hamm), assumes full control of the company, because he’s evil. But just to be sporting, Raymond makes an impossible deal with the naïve Jerrica: if she can discover and promote a new girl band that can sell more albums than Raymond’s new girl band discovery, The Misfits, over the next two months, he’ll give up his share of Starlight Records. If she loses, she gives up her share, and Raymond sends a bulldozer to destroy Starlight House, her father’s home for orphaned girls – with all the orphans still in it! What’s a girl to do?

Enter Synergy (Cher), Jerrica’s father’s top-secret audio/visual entertainment synthesizer supercomputer. With the help of Synergy’s amazingly realistic holographic projections, Jerrica adopts the persona of Jem, the outrageous pink-haired pop star. Her orphan friends join her to form the Holograms, the next girl pop sensation. Can Jerrica/Jem take back Starlight Music, save the orphanage, beat the Misfits in the Battle of the Bands, find true love, and keep her secret identity secret?

Co-starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Rio, Alison Brie as Kimber Benton, and Ke$ha, Lady Gaga, and Katy Perry as the Misfits (Pizzazz, Roxy, and Stormer, respectively).

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