Origin

The posuk in the Torah says that one should further himself from lying. [1] The opinion of a few poskim is that this issur is talking about a person swearing in Bais Din,[2] or if it might cause damage.[3] (According to this lying is permitted in many situations, see below), while most poskim[4] hold there is an issur even if the lying does not fall into the above categories.[5]

Listening to a lie

One should not listen to a lie.[6]

As a joke

One should not lie even if it is only for a joke.[7]

To Prevent Sin

It is permissible to lie in order to prevent another Jew from transgressing a sin. For instance to a person who is lax in certain prohibitions that a certain rav ruled that it is forbidden even if the rav never did. [8]

To encourage a mitzva

It is prohibited to call out large sums of money as a pledge during the appeal in a shul for an organization even though they have no intention of giving that money in order to encouarage other to give moves. [9]

To Avoid Chilul Hashem

One is permitted to lie if it will to prevent a chilul Hashem, a desecration of Hashem's name. [10]

Children

One should teach children that lying is not allowed and one should stand guard on this.[11] One should not tell a child that you will give him something and then not fulfill your words, because doing so is teaching the child to lie.[12] One who hears his children talking loshon hara, lying etc has a mitzvah to stop them from doing so.[13] One should try to avoid pretending to eat food in order to make the child eat as well since this will teach the child that not doing the truth is allowed.[14] Many times one is learning with a child and he comes to a point where if he says the real peshat it will not be tzniusdik. The question is if one is allowed to veer from the real peshat? The opinion of the poskim is that one should say the real peshat and nothing will happen to the child by doing so.[15]

How to Avoid Lying

One should not cling to a liar, and one should be very careful with this since the yetzer hara is always trying to catch us.[16] One who thinks of the word "Emes" and mentions it from his mouth many times will be prevented from saying a lie.[17] When one talks a lot it brings sin,[18] therefore, if one avoids chatter he will not come to sin or to lie.[19] One should learn some Mussar, including the Orchos Tzadikim on the topic of sheker.[20] One should not ask someone something that he knows will cause the person to lie.[21]

Business

Many times people do not tell the truth in business and this is not correct.[22] When it says one is supposed to be trustworthy in his business dealings[23] it does not means that you should not steal because if you do that you are a wicked person. Rather it means that you should not say a lie,[24] you should talk nicely and not get angry….[25]

Writing

One who wrote a lie has nonetheless transgressed the issur of not lying.[26]

Actions

Even if one does not do any talking but from his actions it is obvious that he was saying a lie, then it is forbidden[27] (i.e. shaking his head to admit to something which is false).

When it is permitted to lie?

The Gemorah[28] says for three things one is permitted to lie.[29] Lying regarding a mesechta If a person is fasting an individual fast for which he volunteered to fast, in order to preserve his humility it is permitted to lie in order to not to say one is fasting. However, it is also permitted to tell the truth as long as one's intent isn't to to publicize one's good deed. [30] Lying regarding hilchos tznius. Lying regarding a guest. There are different interpretations of what this means. Some say if a person asks you if you know a certain mesechtas one is allowed to say no since he is displaying humility.[31] If one asks you if you used the bed, you can answer no because of tznius.[32] One may also avoid the truth for other middos as well.[33] Others say this means if one asks you on Purim if you know the difference between cursed Haman and boruch Mordechai you can say no.[34] One who is asked if his host treated him with respect can say no, in order that the host does not receive many unwanted guests.[35] Others say when they ask someone a question on an inyun he can say he is learning a different inyun in order that they should not ask on the first inyun.[36] In the permitted instances of lying this applies for an un-learned person as well.[37] Based on the above, one who is asked where he is holding in a certain mesechta can say the daf before the one where he is really holding if he does not know that current Gemorah, but does know the previous daf. The reason is since he may be embarrassed if he is asked the Gemorah that he does not know.[38] It is important to point out the heter to lie about a certain mesechta is only if one is being asked in order to be tested, but if one is asked a din etc then one has to say the halacha.[39] In any situation where it is permitted to lie it is proper to avoid doing so.[40] Even in cases where it is permitted to do so, one should minimize the untruthfulness to only that which is absolutely necessary. Also, one should try to use wording that can be understood in two ways and avoid outright lying. [41] Based on the above, one is permitted to lie for humility, tznius and to avoid harm to one's friend.[42]

Lying For a Purpose

Aside from the above leniency, lying is permitted for a purpose in certain situations.[43] One who is getting a ride from someone can say he is going to a close place even if he is not in order not to bother the driver.[44] So too one who sees his friend may miss his ride can say it is later than it is really in order to get the friend to make his ride.[45] There is a discussion in the poskim if one is allowed to go collecting for a poor talmid chachum and say it is for hachnoses kallah because then the givers will give more money. [46] When this question arises one should consult with his Rav. During an appeal one is not allowed to announce a larger donation than he is planning to give, even if the point is for others to give more money.[47] One who is shipping fragile objects such as matzah can write the word "glass" on the box in order that it should be dealt with properly. [48]

For peace

One is allowed to lie for the sake of peace.[49] A proof to this is the fact that Hashem told Avraham a different story than actually took place between Hashem and Sarah.[50] Based on this one is allowed to lie to bring peace between husband and wife. [51] There is a discussion in the seforim if one is allowed to say a real lie for the sake of peace, or only to say something which can be interpreted as the truth as well.[52] There are poskim that are of the opinion that lying is only permitted for the sake of peace on something which already happened, but for an occurrence which did not yet happen one is not permitted to lie even if it is for peace.[53] However, the custom is to be lenient.[54] One should not be accustomed to lie for peace.[55] One is permitted to say the food is good even if it is not to prevent the host from cooking a different food if you told the truth about the food.[56] If children are fighting, and lying will bring peace between them it is permitted to do so.[57] It is important to point out that when it is permitted to lie for peace one should not take it lightly and think that all cases are permitted one should really think if peace will be avoided by telling the truth.[58] One is permitted to tell friend he has no money to lend if he knows his friend will not pay back.[59] In addition, one can say to a collector I do not have money if he really does have since he means he does not have money for this collector.[60] One who is asked if he has a cigarette and he does not want to give one for whatever reason can say he does not have. The intention is that although he has but for this person he does not have.[61] When a woman goes to the mikvah it is not proper that anyone other than her husband know.[62] Therefore if a woman is asked where she is going and she is going to the mikvah she may say she is going to this and this place.[63] There is an opinion in the poskim who says if one is sleeping and someone wants to reach him, it can be said he is not home. The reason is because when one sleeps it is as if he is not present in the house.[64]

For Privacy

A woman who is asked if she is pregnant may say she is not in order for people not to know her private business.[65]

Avoiding Embarrassment

One is permitted to lie in order for one's friend to avoid being embarrassed.[66] Similarly, it is sometimes permitted to lie to avoid personal embarrassment.[67] If a bochur who went on a date is asked where were you last night he does not have to say the truth if he is embarrassed.[68] You can also say I had to take care of something. If a woman miscarried and now gave birth to a boy one does not have to say the truth if he is asked will there be a pidyon haben? However, he can say she is a bas Kohen, or Levi in which case there is no pidyon haben. [69] One who is doing kiruv may say he did the sin as well in order to lessen the embarrassment of his students.[70] Many ba'alei teshuva who are asked what they did in their youth lie about it and this is permitted since it is embarrassing to them.[71] One who is not up to par and does not want others to know about it may say he is doing fine when asked how he is feeling.[72]

Collector at Door

It is a very common occurrence for a collector to knock on the door and wish to speak with the ba'al habayis to receive money. Many times the parent will tell the child tell the person I am not home. Is this permitted according to the halacha? (against lying)? The poskim say that telling the person the ba'al habayis is not home is permitted because of shalom. It is not the business of the collector to know what is going on in the house. If he tells him he does not want to see him now it will make the collector angry, therefore lying is permitted.[73] In any case one should not tell a child to say one is not home because it is not good chinuch.[74]

Revealing Secrets

It is very common for a person holding in a shidduch and is about to get engaged, to tell his friend not to say anything about it to other people. If he is asked by someone else if it is true, that so and so is getting engaged can one lie? The poskim are of the opinion that he may not tell and he should say I do not know.[75]

Parents

If one's father asks you who told you to do this and this and if you say your mother it will make your father upset you can lie and say someone else told you.[76]

Wealth

One who is asked if it is true that he has a lot of money can say no if he is concerned of ayin hara and does not want other people to become jealous.[77]

Candle Lighting

If a woman asks her husband how much time is left until Shabbos? he may say there is less time remaining until Shabbos so that she will be ready early. However, this is only when a woman is running late because she is lazy. If it will casue her pain it should not be done.[78]

Broke a Utensil

If a utensil broke and blaming it on a child[79] (who does not understand, since otherwise it would not be good chinuch to lie) would make peace of the situation, then doing so is permitted.[80].

Refraining from Issur

In order to prevent someone from doing an issur one is allowed to say a name of an odom gadol (that he will listen to) who said it is ossur, even if the odom gadol did not say it.[81] The same is true to lie in order to avoid eating something which is ossur, i.e. to say you are fasting.[82]

Kallah

There is a dispute if one is supposed to say to the chosson the kallah looks nice even if she does not.[83] L'maseh, one is permitted to say a kallah looks beautiful even if she does not. The reason is in order that her chosson should love her.[84] Some say this is based on the heter to lie because of peace.[85] Others say because even if one says she is beautiful when she is not it can be going on her actions.[86] The same is true for one whose child is not pretty; he may say he is beautiful.[87]

A Bought Item

One may tell a person the object he bought is nice (if he was asked) even if it is not nice.[88] The reason is because one is supposed to be well liked among the world.[89]

Learning

A rebbe who sees a student who is not learning, the rebbe can tell him "you have the ability to learn better" even if the rebbe knows he does not, if it is done in order for the student to be more learned.[90]

Cheering Up Someone

One may lie to someone who is broken hearted if doing so will cheer him up.[91] For example, if one is in pain because he has no money one can say to his friend I do not have money either even if he really does.[92]

Calling Someone Son or Brother

One is allowed to call someone his son or brother even if he is not his son or brother. The reason is because even one's students are his sons and all Jews are brothers.[93]

Calling One's Son-in-Law a Son etc.

It is very common after a couple gets married for the new father-in-law to call the son-in-law a son or daughter. This is not considered a lie because a son-in-law or daughter-in-law is really like one's own child.[94] The same is true for the son-in-law to call his in-law by Ma or Ta.[95] Nonetheless, one should not do this in front of his parents.

Exaggerating

One is permitted to exaggerate and it is not considered lying, since one is not making his friend make a mistake because of it, and we do find some places[96] that the Gemorah says exaggerating was done.[97] Someone who is asked how much something was can say it was $2000 when in reality it was $1533 since it is close to $2000.[98] Based on this one would be permitted lie to make other people happy if no one is getting fooled because of it.[99] In addition, one who is asked the time can say it is 1:00pm even if it is 12:58pm.[100] Writing on an invitation the chupah will be at 7:30pm even though it will not be until 8:30pm is not a lie since all know that these events do not start on time.[101]

Eulogy

Many times one can find himself at a levaya r"l and the speaker is saying middos etc. which all present know the deceased did not have, is this permitted or considered lying? The poskim say doing so is permitted as long as one does not go overboard with attributes that were non-existent.[102]

Some say based on this is if one is asked about a boy who is a masmid for a shidduch if he is a masmid, you can say he is and he learns this many hours even if he does not, since if he was able to he would learn that many hours [103] Others explain that although we saw or knew the deceased did a certain action we add to it because who really knows how much he did and chances are he did more than we know of.[104]

Yeshiva

It is absolutely forbidden to lie to the government and say that there are more students in the Yeshiva than there really are in order to receive more benefits from them.[105]

Imitating

A common occurrence is for a person to dress up as a poor person in order to collect more money, is this permitted or is considered as if he is not coming off as being truthful? The Mishnah in Mesechtas Peah [106] says if one is not missing a limb or blind etc. and he makes himself as such he will not leave this world without becoming the thing which he imitated. The opinion of the Maharsha[107] is that this is talking about a person who is poor and he needs money so he does certain actions to make others have mercy on him. Others seem to say that this is referring to someone who does not need money and he makes believe that he does.[108] Some say if a person is poor than doing the above is permitted,[109] while other do not agree with this premise.[110]

Fasting

If an individual is fasting (not on a public fast day) and he is asked if he is fasting, it is proper for him to say he is not fasting in order not to show off before others.[111]

Shidduch

It is very common for one to be informed of a shidduch and if it is not for him, he says he is "busy." Is this permitted even if he is not busy but does not want the girl to feel bad that he really is saying no? One is permitted to do so since otherwise it would be embarrassing to the girl to know that the boy said no to her.[112]

Lying about Age

A question arises if one is permitted to tell a shadchan he or she is younger than their age in order to facilitate a shidduch.[113] There are poskim who say if one of the sides is already looking for a shidduch and is having a hard time finding one then he or she may lie about their age.[114] Harav Elyashiv Shlita says that one who is twenty can say he is nineteen.[115] When this question arises one should discuss it with his Rav.

Surprise Party

Many times one is interested in making a surprise party for someone but can not get him to the party by telling him the truth, therefore, a lie is said in order to get him to the party without him knowing the real reason why he is going. One is not allowed to do so since it is an outright lie.[116]

Airport

When traveling on an airplane one is asked beforehand if he packed everything and if there are any packages that you may have received from others. One is allowed to answer that he did not receive any packages from others even if he knows there is a package from his friend in the suitcase. The reason why doing so is permitted is because the point of the question is to inquire if there are any "suspicious" objects onboard. Since the passenger knows that there are no such items in his suitcase he may say that there are no packages from anyone inside.[117]

Torah

When one is telling you a davar Torah which you heard already, you may make believe that you never heard it even if you did.[118]

Honoring Parents

It is permitted to lie in order for one to respect his parents.[119]

Telling of a Deceased Relative

One who is sick and if he is told that a relative of his has died, he will r'l also die, then one does not tell him the bad news.[120] This is true even if the sick person asks for the reason that the family member etc has died.

Title of Rav

The opinion of Harav Elchonon Wasserman zt"l was that one should not be called "Rav" unless he is a Rav of a Shul, posek, or a Rosh Yeshiva.[121] However, today, the custom is to be lenient with this.[122] Accordingly, even one who did not get semicha may be called Rav or Rabbi.

Case Studies in Lying by Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz

Credits

Special thanks to Rabbi Moishe Dovid Lebovits Rabbinical Administrator for KOF-K Kosher Supervision and author of Halachically Speaking for this article. To reach the author please email mlebovits@kof-k.org.