The #MeToo allegations against comedian Aziz Ansari have set the internet aflame with people both criticising and defending his behaviour, after he was accused of pressuring his date to have sex with him.

In an anonymous interview with Babe magazine, a 23-year-old photographer (referred to as Grace) recounted her date with the star late last year. She claims that when they went back at Ansari’s place after dinner, he moved fast to have sex, making her uncomfortable.

“When Ansari told her he was going to grab a condom within minutes of their first kiss, Grace voiced her hesitation explicitly. “I said something like, ‘Whoa, let’s relax for a sec, let’s chill.’””

Ansari responded to the allegations by saying he thought the encounter was totally consensual.

"It was true that everything did seem OK to me, so when I heard that it was not the case for her, I was surprised and concerned… " his statement read.

Two camps

Defenders of Ansari have stated he isn’t a “mind reader” and shouldn’t have been expected to pick up on her “mixed messages”. They believe that her giving him two blowjobs and getting naked indicated she was keen, and that if she was uncomfortable she should have left. In their eyes, it was a bad date, but not assault.

Skip Twitter Tweet FireFox NVDA users - To access the following content, press 'M' to enter the iFrame.

Others have argued that pressuring someone into sex or wearing them down isn’t consent, and as she indicated her discomfort - verbally and nonverbally - he should have stopped. They think the interaction wasn’t consensual, and Ansari should have known that.

Aziz aside, it’s kickstarted a lot of conversations about consent, what we think sexual assault is, and how a healthy positive hookup should happen.

So, we’ve asked some legal experts and consent educators to answer some important questions about consent.

So, what is consent?

The legal definition of consent varies across Australia, but most places define it as a “free and voluntary agreement.”

Consent can’t be given if the person is asleep or intoxicated, and can be revoked throughout an encounter. Also, just because someone consented to sex in the past doesn’t mean it’s ok the next time.

Can consent be non-verbal?

A spokesperson for Victoria Legal Aid (remember, the law varies state-to-state) told Hack:

Skip Twitter Tweet FireFox NVDA users - To access the following content, press 'M' to enter the iFrame.

“Consent can be demonstrated in a variety of ways - either, by words, or by conduct alone, or by a combination or words and conduct.

“The person wanting to go ahead with something is always responsible for checking that they have the other person’s consent. This is not just initially either, but throughout, as you have the right to take your consent away at any time.”

Dr Nicola Henry is a socio-legal scholar at RMIT who researches sexual assault and rape. She told Hack that in some jurisdictions in Australia, you can’t assume that someone is consenting if they haven’t said anything.

“The other important part in some jurisdictions is that consent cannot be inferred if the person does not say or do anything during the act,” she said.

“For instance, in the past there was a requirement that the complainant must actively say or indicate in some way ‘no’ but there has been a move towards what’s known as an “affirmative” or “communicative” model of consent.”

What’s affirmative, enthusiastic consent?

Affirmative enthusiastic consent is sometimes summed up as “yes means yes.”

In 2014, the sunny state of California introduced the “yes means yes” law for colleges, which defines consent as affirmative, conscious, voluntary, verbal or non verbal, and something that can be revoked at any time. California’s likely the first place in the world to have such laws.

Affirmative consent means that instead of the emphasis being on someone saying no, we should be getting people to agree to sex in the first place. In the Californian legislation it states, “Lack of protest or resistance does not mean consent, nor does silence mean consent.”

Sure, that law only covers Californian colleges, but it’s considered by consent educators the most progressive definition of consent and what other jurisdictions are moving towards.

Closer to home, the ACT has gone some way towards affirmative consent in its sexual assault precedent in 2014, when it found that consent was not automatic if a victim of sexual assault didn’t resist. The territory ruled that the “freeze response” was a valid one when people faced extreme fear.

The Line is a national education campaign for young people about healthy relationships and consent.

“Affirmative consent is about communicating with your partner. I think people think it’s a lot more complicated than what it is,” The Line’s Nicola Weston says.

“... it’s about communicating and checking whether they’re comfortable and happy and enjoying it.”

Healthy and respectful

Erin Gillen from The Line thinks it’s not enough to consider the legal definitions of consent alone, and that empathy and consideration of how the other person might be feeling in any intimate situation is key.

There’s a legal definition of consent, and then there’s also what’s healthy and respectful in a relationship.”

Their campaign is focused on making sex as positive and enjoyable for everyone involved.

“Whether it’s for one night or a long term relationship, every sexual engagement should come from a place of mutual respect and understanding.”

But what if you’re pressured but go along with it?

Dr Nicola Henry told Hack there’s a legal grey area where people are pressured into sex but they don’t want to do it.

“Generally this would not be considered as “rape” or “sexual assault” under law if the person did consent and there were none of the consent-negating circumstances present (e.g. the person was asleep or so incapacitated due to alcohol or drugs as to be incapable of consenting),” she said.

If you want to find out more about consent, check out The Line, or check back in with the kings of consent, Flight of the Conchords: