So we’re heading back out of the frying pan gun and into the fire, into the eternal - or like three months - abyss that is this week’s return of RWBY. The plan was for all of us at the end of this week to be back on top form with the theorising and the arting and the general hyping, but the release of the Volume Three Opening certainly showed us! We’re back, baby. And me too, sure, starting us off with the usual recap/analysis of the opening, along with some predictions. This’ll be a quick and dirty one, just getting into the groove of it, no big. If you’re new to the recap or have suffered some sort of memory lapse caused by remembering more important things over this past year, check out the Volume Two Masterpost for links to the classics. But if you’re ready, just click the Keep Reading below to get to it!

Our new opening begins with a beautiful little tribute to Monty, piano music and rose and all, but things quickly devolve into madness. Like half a second. There’s Grimm on the loose, and they’re after something big. Something important.

Real big. And who’ll stop them! Hero roll call!

We’ll save the big ol’ character introductions for the proper recaps. Just zoomin’ through here. Remember RWBY? They’re the name of the show, I’d certainly hope so… And they’re joined by the loveable secondary protagonists, Team JN-

- PRhuh. Lookit that, it seems Scarlet and Sage - that’s the middle two, in case anyone didn’t know. Oh, and the team name’s pronounced “sun” - have been upgraded something fierce. Dem models. Looks like Sage has got himself a giant sword-shaped sword weapon, while Scarlet’s got a rapier (EDIT: I’ve been informed it’s more likely a saber/cutlass, which’d fit with the whole outfit and the flintlock he’s got. He is the Jack Sparrow of Remnant, let’s call it). Their arms can serve as guns if the weapons don’t, amirite.

That’s a big harsh on Nora, man, but hey. P-Money’s in the front there and Jaune’s looking like he’s posing for a 90’s boy band. What else is new. And then there’s this lot:

Missing someone important there, it seems. Someone orange. Roland? Was his name Roland? Hmm… We zoom into Cinder’s face, which promises fire and evil for the third year in a row.

And then we find out just where the Grimm are headed.

Now, the question. Is this a metaphorical “Grimm are attacking Beacon” situation or an actual attack that might just happen this year? Ah well, I’m sure nobody’ll die. Except the Faunus, like last year!

The Grimm are headed for Ozpin’s tower, if only for this amazing shot:

Ozpin and Glynda’s admiration of themselves in the mirror - not that we blame them - is shattered by the glass shattering.

Oh Neo. She’s nowhere to be seen, unfortunately. Who’s that guy she works for again? Rami Malek? Hmm. That doesn’t sound right. Oh, and speaking of another non-appearance…

I’m sure she’s fine. Or maybe she was skinned alive to make those shoulder pads on Ironwood here… One or the other. Ironwood, whose army is increased something big-like after being put in charge of security for the Vytal Festival, will certainly have his one human and one possibly robot hands full with…

Yes, just as promised last year, we’ll be getting into the swing of some Adam action. Nice to see him again.

Having seen The Martian a couple of weeks back, I now believe that my long-held theories about Adam being on the moon and eating only moon rocks were incorrect. He clearly grew potatoes on the moon; no wonder Cinder asked for his assistance. She needs to replace that one guy anyway. Romeo? Getting warmer… Anyways, here’s Wonderwall. And a standard big ol’ battle shot.

Team CFVY is the last big no-show this time out, which is a shame after that amazing performance in the finale, but again, I’m sure they’ll show up. Though actually, Team CRDL’s the last no-show, but really, I mean, c'mon. We only really missed Russell - love that guy - and maybe Dove - love that guy - anyway.

So, in another repeat of last volume’s opening, we get the one-on-one fights. Merc and Yang, ‘cause we’re now pretty aware that Yang’s greatest weakness is legs. Neo cleaned her clock with hers, Melanie gave her some trouble in the Yellow Trailer, and Merc’s legs have, like, rockets.

… Seriously, what was that guy’s name. Or was it a girl. Romilda? Oh, and yeah, Blake Vs Adam hype. If it actually happens, I expect there to be emotional music and intercutting with flashbacks of when they were kids and Adam helped her out. Like that one episode The Simpsons with the young Bart and Lisa montage, including when he gave her his ice cream after hers fell to the ground? Freakin’ magical, man.

Also, Emerald better kill Weiss’s sister or something this year to really make that fight seem, y'know, relevant. You know that trope in romcoms where they take the only two characters left not paired together and make them fall in love randomly? These two are the fight scene version, I’d imagine. Though nobody would argue if they became the fall in love version either, I’d also imagine.

Final match-up: Ruby Vs Cinder. What would be hilarious would be if Cinder burns Ruby’s hooded cape some. Not only for the aesthetically pleasing image of a burnt cape on Ruby’s back reflecting her shattered innocence, but hey, apparently that hood means a lot to her. The angst! She probably has a breakdown everytime someone takes it away to be washed, poor kiddo…

Next up, in what’s turned out to be the most talked part about part of the opening, we get a glimpse of two new characters we’ve heard tell of, but not face of outside of concept art at earlier this year.

Winter Schnee. She actually exists. We’re finally meeting a sister. I’m still half-convinced someone slipped me LSD everytime I think about this show and characters having sisters, I swear. Weiss’s expression doesn’t exactly scream that they don’t get along or whatever, like we’d expect…

Meanwhile, we also get a look at Uncle Qrow. Who does rock the aesthetically pleasing image of a tattered cape, look at it.

Qrow and Winter abandon their family members to square each other up…

… for some reason. Now, it’s clear there’s beef. Decades of people asking, “Where’s the beef?” will now finally know. There’s the beef. Roast beef. Although, I actually think this part might be from an actual scene in the show - unlike the other openings that just use original footage - and knowing our luck there is no complicated history here - jilted lovers, fierce rivals at a fashion show once, whatevs - and they’re just having a “my sister is better than your niece” kinda anime showdown. The kind that can only be solved by a breakdancing competition that’ll be hyped up all season and show up in Volume Four. Can’t wait!

Now comes the best part. My favourite part. The part where a picture blows by of Qrow’s team. Another thing we’ve heard much of, because the members of that team include Ruby and Yang’s father, Ruby’s mother, and Yang’s mother. Who is also Qrow’s sister (as confirmed by a last name wiki edit on Qrow’s article by Monty last year). We’ve met her, and she’s a teleporting ninja person by the name of That’s So Raven. Nice girl. Also pictured…

Taiyang, lookin’ like Jaune’s Tyler Durden, and then aww look at lil’ Summer on the left. The nerd in her hood, very Elliot Alderson of her; we’ve never related to a character more, I’d say. So yeah, this is the older generation’s team, lookin’ fine. This is them, guys. These are the heroes of the RWBY fandom’s Marauders Era, only they’re a more “everybody’s banging everybody” variation, which I didn’t think was even possible. Those fics are going to be twice as fun when we find out what specific tragedies everyone went through; I’m betting on Raven being locked up in Azkaban, and Qrow is secretly evil! Although, I’m still losing my mind over the fact that Raven is yet another sister. A sister who was banged along with her friend by the same guy to create two more sisters. When does it end?!

Also, we don’t know the team’s name yet. The leading theory is something like QRTS - Quartz - but the order of the members presented here is making some think Summer was the leader - like mother like daughter - which’d throw some wrenches. Here’s a solid rationale for it possibly being Team Strawberry, and another with Raven as the leader and they go by Rose Quartz. EDIT: I’ve also been informed a few times of the possibility of Taiyang as the leader gives us TRQS; Turquoise. Perosnally, I’m sticking with Summer being the leader, but the team name is Taiyang Bangs Everything, 'cause this was before Ozpin got really good with the team names.

Regardless, I’m super interested in learning more about them. Might get that wish, might not. My wish for a glimpse of my favourite character Richard Thistlewhack ain’t comin’ true, it seems.

Anyway, the opening ends with two circles of possible foreshadowing. Here’s the first.

RWBYJNPR - what’s good SSSN where you at fools - falls through the air, all friendship daisy chainin’, and I’d be remiss without mentioning that everyone thinks something’s going to happen to JNPR because they fall from the circle. And guess who falls first! C'mon. Guess.

Pyrrha’s on Cinder’s radar, we all know that… but nah, she’ll be fine. My crystal ball tells me that Pyrrha Nikos is going to live to a hundred years old, become the Minister For Magic, and have twelve children, all of them sisters. And this lot’ll be fine too, despite the Game Over screen and the spinning.

Everyone and their sister has been thinking, thanks to this opening, that this’ll be a dark season. Oh yeah some things’ll get a bit escalate-y, sure, but don’t let the sad faces and the heavy metal song called “When I Fall” fool you, because it has before! Me too, but I’m older and wiser…

… Or I’m lying and we’re going full Darkness - I Believe In A Thing Called Love, Growing On Me, Givin’ Up, Friday Night, all the best ones. Nobody knows! We didn’t even see Roman Torchwick - that was his name, nailed it - in the opening, all bets are off.

There he is. The guy. I was about to put out a missing ad on some Pumpkin Pete’s milk cartons, right next to a smiling “Pyrrha Nikos approved!” picture and just under a cheery “The milk now contains thirty percent less arsenic!” label. If found, please contact Neo the lovable icecream sociopath at 1800-Murder, she’s very worried that she won’t get screentime if he doesn’t, and she’d like to maybe talk.

Well that does it for the opening. Some familiar faces, some new ones, some grim ol’ situations, some possibilities and the like. We’ll look back one day and laugh at some of the freakouts, I’m sure. Like tomorrow. We’ll look back tomorrow, and then have another, and then look back at those a couple of days from now. Who knows. What are my predictions for the volume? I’ve been pretty notoriously bad at predicting on account of overestimation - I get excited and the writer in me starts skipping ahead - but there are some wild and some safe predictions I’m going to give here and now.

WILD PREDICTIONS FOR VOLUME THREE: The Vytal Festival tournament is going to happen. Qrow and Winter are going to make their debuts. Teams RWBY and JNPR will appear. Ozpin will say something cryptic. Cinder will plot with ominous music playing in the background. There will be some great new music. Sections of the fandom will implode every time Jaune opens his mouth. Ruby will be adorable, Weiss snooty, Blake moody, Yang peppy. Something unexpected reveals itself to be a gun.

SAFE PREDICTIONS FOR VOLUME THREE: Bruce Willis is a ghost the whole time, Snape kills Dumbledore, the Titanic sinks, Rosebud is Citizen Kane’s sled, Taiyang comes out of retirement and knocks up all of Jaune’s sisters, Walder Frey betrays the Starks, True Detective Season Two won’t be as good as the first one (which wasn’t that great either let’s be real), Tyler Durden doesn’t exist, and Teams RWBY and JNPR won’t actually once be all falling-y in a circle, which is a shame. Oh, and if he doesn’t show up in every episode this season, then Torchwick will show up in every recap instead.

Only like five days remain until the premiere. All bets are off. Welcome back to RWBY, and thanks for reading!