CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has today front the nation with a bit more spring in his step.

Looking like he’d just played a round of golf, the PM brought a more optimistic energy to today’s press conference – with clear instructions and answers for a nervous country heading into uncharted waters.

Scotty also debuted some more comforting terminology like ‘hibernation’ for struggling businesses – instilling confidence in both employers and workers right across the country.

Less emphasis was spent outlining the differences between funerals and hairdressers, as Scotty seems to have soothed over his rocky relationship with the states.

New arrivals to Australia will have to spend the next 14 days in a hotel, paid for by the state. It is not certain

The Prime Minister also made a point of congratulating and praising Australians for pulling their fucking heads in and taking this seriously.

For the most part, it seems Australians may have taken the new social distancing measures relatively seriously – which is absolutely unprecedented for a nation that is not well known for doing what they are told.



“And lastly” said the Prime Minister.

“Thank you to each and every Australian who has chosen to do what they are fucking told for once”

At time of press, Scotty was banging on about ‘barre’ again.