April 2012, a request was posted, befitting only the finest shoppers and perusers of Reddit. The challenge: To find a cookbook that was not a cookbook! Indeed, our intrepid heroes and heroines would have to brave the tumultuous depths of Amazon, the harrowing halls of the Food Network, and even the unknowable infiniteness of /r/food and /r/cookbooks themselves to find a tome that contained, not recipes, but techniques and science about the how and why of cooking, rather than just the usual collections of recipes. Our illustrious quest giver sat back smirking, knowing that no one would be able to defeat his dastardly plan. Little did he know, his defeat was already underway.

From out of nowhere, a heroine arose, striding forth with the claim of "I shall not fall prey to your petty whims and I will defeat you, oh oppressor of recipes! I will produce not one, but two arcane grimoires that exceed your demands! And when I am done and your kitchen lays in ruins, torn asunder by the very power you have ransomed, I will stand astride your beaten, broken form and I will weep for you."

With this cry echoing from her lips across the very nation, she strode forth, battering aside the Joy of Cooking and The Flavor Bible, seeking deeper treasures unknown to the vile nemesis that attempts to thwart her. She shatters the very foundation of the Internet until she finds them, the jewels she has been seeking.

She produces a simple coffer in which to convey her offerings, relying upon the kindness of a shopkeep to gingerly deliver them to the maniac's stronghold. With a final blessing and prayer, she bids them farewell, knowing they will ultimately undo the man, but also knowing it is what he requested. It is with mixed emotions that she then returns to her home, awaiting news of his defeat.

That news arrives only a few hours ago, amidst a torrent of emotion and drama. Her plan has worked and he has been laid undone. She receives the notice in this very letter, knowing an eternal gratitude from her challenger, now admirer, as he has been moved to the path of cooking righteousness by her generosity. He has even hired an overly melodramatic team of mummers to create and perform an epic tale about her exploits, the tale that you now read.

The challenger has but one regret and that is not knowing the Reddit username of his ultimate savior, so that he might return the kindness with a shower of upvotes. Instead, he hopes that this absurd post can communicate his approval of the gift and his expectation that his family will now eat even better in the years to come.