Remember when you blew your student loan on video games, drink and dirty kebabs then had to skip meals for the rest of the month? If you do, then you were basically the North Korean government.

Despite the fact that the best that most of the country’s population can hope for is starvation (if they manage to avoid execution and multi-generational work camps), the government there has plenty of money to waste on space missile launches like the latest one that’s got the world to pay attention to Kim Jong-Un again.

You’d think a nation as hard-up as the DPRK would be under some kind of super-austerity, but it’ll spend money on pretty much anything to make its people think they’re balling…

1. A Space Programme

Believe it or not, even the DPRK has its own space programme. Don’t worry though, North Korea reassured the world of their peaceful intentions when they released this propaganda video of a Korean astronaut looking down with relief as Manhattan gets blown the fuck up (in a scene ripped from Modern Warfare 3).



Does the regime really believe they can gain the upper hand in space against the other world superpowers? Perhaps not.

If you’re the head of a repressive regime, there’s nothing quite like a space launch to fill everybody’s bellies with national pride (in lieu of actual rice) – both the Soviets and the US did this during the Cold War, and now North Korea has finally entered the 1960s.

2. Birthday Parties for Dead People

Over here, most public holidays and anniversaries are marked with a few television specials, occasional Morris dancing, and a non-committal service at Westminster Abbey; not so for the (late) Kim il-Sung’s 100th birthday party in North Korea in 2012.

Downtown Pyongyang went all-in as only a brutal dictatorship can – with plenty of military dick-waving, a concert, and several terrifying yet awe-inspiring displays of mass conformity.

Kim il-Sung was the founder of the People’s Republic, and the perfect excuse for a nationwide spectacle. It keeps the rest of the world in awe and keeps the people’s minds off of all the other un-fun things like their neighbour’s disappearance. It’s a proven tactic; for example, during the 2012 Olympics you probably forgot we even had a Coalition government!

3. Dennis Rodman

The relationship between Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong-Un has been a goldmine of absurdity. He first visited his despotic bezzie in 2013 along with the Harlem Globetrotters, when they probably acted out all those bromance scenes from The Interview before playing basketball in front of the most reserved audience of all time. Unsurprisingly, the game ended in a 110-110 draw.

Rodman then went on another trip with his fellow ex-NBA stars in tow to play against an all Korean team. This went about as well as can be expected, with sponsors pulling out, massive media criticism, and a descent into alcoholism. In a shocking turnabout, the American stars narrowly lost to the North Korean players just as Kim Jong-Un came to watch.

Maybe Dennis Rodman was trying to do good in his own way, but perhaps there was a better way to help a starving nation than having extravagant feasts with the Fearless Leader and trying to apply diplomacy lessons learnt from Space Jam.

4. Kaiju Films

1985’s Pulgasari had a uniquely North Korean production history, starting with its South Korean director being kidnapped in 1978.

Shin Sang-ok and his wife Choi Eun-hee were kept prisoner and set to work on a series of propaganda films for the government, including this overtly Communist kaiju. Check out its Japanese trailer below:

The conflict in the film is meant to act as an allegory for the Communist Revolution, with the people entrusting the great and powerful Pulgasari to overthrow an evil Emperor.

Unfortunately for Kim Jong-Il, the theme of a monster that gorges itself on natural resources to grow bigger might hit a little too close to home.

5. A Supervillain Hotel

In the 1980s, Pyongyang thought they were Dubai and set out to build the world’s tallest hotel. The construction of the Ryugyong Hotel seemed to be going pretty well until the Soviet Union selfishly collapsed, causing work to halt in 1992. The unfinished hotel was estimated to have cost $750 million.

The Pyongyang Ryugyong has architecture that would make Dr Doom giddy, and dominates the skyline like an alien spacecraft that’s just landed.

It’s unknown why the city needed a 105 floor hotel with 3,000 rooms – were North Korea expecting a sudden boom in international holidaymakers? Did the next phase include a fish & chip shop and a seaside community of kidnapped expats? Were they expecting malnourished rural families to stay there on city breaks?

The building was finally completed by an Egyptian company called Orascom, who are also building a 3G network there (another thing most citizens can’t afford to access).

It also still hasn’t opened, so you can forget booking that romantic break to Pyongyang.