Please use this for all your college football arguments, online and in real life

According to the statistical demigods at Pro Football Reference, 300 NFL players have scored at least one point in a Super Bowl. We cannot let this list go unused for its truest, best purpose: as a tool used in arguments to sustain us during the offseason.

AN IMPORTANT NOTE: The NFL’s calculations for individual scoring do not award any points to a quarterback who throws a touchdown pass. All six of those points go to the receiver. That means several accomplished QBs, like Troy Aikman, have not, by this definition, ever scored a point in the Super Bowl. Surely this will not perturb Troy in the slightest.

Is this unfair? Perhaps! You should register your complaints about this and any other sporting injustice by sending a letter to this address:

National Football League

c/o Roger Goodell, Commissioner

280 Park Avenue

New York, NY 10017

Now that you’ve returned from the post office, let’s review the results. Here are your school leaders in Super Bowl points, current through Super Bowl 54:

Miami - 84 points: 10 different Hurricanes have scored points in the Super Bowl, beginning in 1968 with Bill Miller’s two receiving touchdowns for the Raiders in Super Bowl 2 . We did not start this research intending to give Miami Twitter another weapon in their bragging arsenal, but math has led us here all the same. Truly, (sighs deeply) you cannot spell Super Bowl without THE UUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

10 different Hurricanes have scored points in the Super Bowl, beginning in 1968 with Bill Miller’s two receiving touchdowns for the Raiders in Super Bowl 2 . We did not start this research intending to give Miami Twitter another weapon in their bragging arsenal, but math has led us here all the same. Truly, (sighs deeply) you cannot spell Super Bowl without THE UUUUUUUUUUUUUU. Penn State - 81 points: In second place thanks in large part to three kickers, Robbie Gould and the Bahr brothers. Also Franco Harris. Feel free to use this in future placekicker recruiting pitches, James Franklin.

In second place thanks in large part to three kickers, Robbie Gould and the Bahr brothers. Also Franco Harris. Feel free to use this in future placekicker recruiting pitches, James Franklin. Florida - 68 points: 30 of these belong to Emmitt Smith, and most of the rest boomed off the foot of Don “Babe” Chandler, a kicker and punter for the Green Bay teams that won the first two Super Bowls. Later in his career, while with the Giants, Chandler expressed a desire to live in Tulsa and commute to games. The Giants declined, and Chandler retired in what remains one of the greatest “living in New York City sucks” stances ever.

30 of these belong to Emmitt Smith, and most of the rest boomed off the foot of Don “Babe” Chandler, a kicker and punter for the Green Bay teams that won the first two Super Bowls. Later in his career, while with the Giants, Chandler expressed a desire to live in Tulsa and commute to games. The Giants declined, and Chandler retired in what remains one of the greatest “living in New York City sucks” stances ever. Cal - 66 points: Hard to ignore that it’s former USC coach Pete Carroll denying Cal its rightful slot above the Gators on this list by not giving the ball to Marshawn Lynch on the one-yard line!

Hard to ignore that it’s former USC coach Pete Carroll denying Cal its rightful slot above the Gators on this list by not giving the ball to Marshawn Lynch on the one-yard line! Notre Dame - 64 points: 22 of these points were scored in Super Bowl 29 alone, when Ricky Watters scored three touchdowns and John Carney kicked a field goal and an extra point. Since that game, in 1995, only one Notre Dame player has scored in a Super Bowl (David Givens, twice).

22 of these points were scored in Super Bowl 29 alone, when Ricky Watters scored three touchdowns and John Carney kicked a field goal and an extra point. Since that game, in 1995, only one Notre Dame player has scored in a Super Bowl (David Givens, twice). Texas Tech - 62 points: Proof they’re the best and most successful program in the state of Texas. You play football to win championships. You can’t win without scoring. The Super Bowl is the championship of championships. Therefore, Super Bowl scores are the most important scores. If A&M/TCU/Texas/Baylor don’t like that, they should get more players who score points in the Super Bowl. Winners don’t tweet — they COMPETE.

Proof they’re the best and most successful program in Texas. You play football to win championships. You can’t win without scoring. The Super Bowl is the championship of championships. Therefore, Super Bowl scores are the most important scores. If A&M/TCU/Texas/Baylor don’t like that, they should get more players who score points in the Super Bowl. Winners don’t tweet — they COMPETE. Georgia - 61 points

Nebraska - 54 points

Stanford - 54 points

Memphis - 50 points: Proof they’re the best and most successful program in the state of Tennessee. If Tennessee/Vandy/MTSU don’t like it, they should get more players who score points in the Super Bowl. (Vandy is probably fine with it because college baseball is back.)

Proof they’re the best and most successful program in the state of Tennessee. If Tennessee/Vandy/MTSU don’t like it, they should get more players who score points in the Super Bowl. (Vandy is probably fine with it because college baseball is back.) Mississippi Valley State - 48 points: Every program below this point has had decades to recruit and develop thousands of football players, put the best of them into the NFL, and hope they could get to the Super Bowl and score points. And every one of those programs has failed to do, on that large scale, what the Mississippi Valley State Delta Devils have done with just Jerry Rice, the man who scored all 48 of these points. Have a great day and try not to dwell on this irrefutable truth, Ohio State!

Every program below this point has had decades to recruit and develop thousands of football players, put the best of them into the NFL, and hope they could get to the Super Bowl and score points. And every one of those programs has failed to do, on that large scale, what the Mississippi Valley State Delta Devils have done with just Jerry Rice, the man who scored all 48 of these points. Have a great day and try not to dwell on this irrefutable truth, Ohio State! Illinois - 45 points

Michigan State - 45 points: If you are an angry Wolverines fan who came to this page and immediately ctrl+F’d “Michigan,” because surely Tom Brady would carry you to victory and honor, please refer back to the beginning of this post. We do not make the rules!

If you are an angry Wolverines fan who came to this page and immediately ctrl+F’d “Michigan,” because surely Tom Brady would carry you to victory and honor, please refer back to the beginning of this post. We do not make the rules! Oklahoma - 44 points

Ohio State - 42 points

USC - 42 points: Two of the four Trojans who’ve scored in the Super Bowl – Lynn Swann and Mike Garrett – have gone on to serve as USC’s athletic director. Congrats to Malcolm Smith for inevitably becoming the third in 2029!

Two of the four Trojans who’ve scored in the Super Bowl – Lynn Swann and Mike Garrett – have gone on to serve as USC’s athletic director. Congrats to Malcolm Smith for inevitably becoming the third in 2029! UCLA - 39 points

NC State - 38 points

Wisconsin - 38 points: The Badgers were much lower on this list until James White broke the record for individual points scored in a Super Bowl with three touchdowns and a two-point conversion in 2017 as the Patriots overcame a 28-3 deficit against the Atl(THE REMAINDER OF THIS ENTRY HAS BEEN CORRUPTED AND CANNOT BE FOUND)

The Badgers were much lower on this list until James White broke the record for individual points scored in a Super Bowl with three touchdowns and a two-point conversion in 2017 as the Patriots overcame a 28-3 deficit against the Atl(THE REMAINDER OF THIS ENTRY HAS BEEN CORRUPTED AND CANNOT BE FOUND) Colorado - 37 points

FSU - 37 points

Pitt - 34 points: Extra points for difficulty when you remember that Larry Fitzgerald (12 points) has spent his entire career as a member of the Arizona Cardinals.

Extra points for difficulty when you remember that Larry Fitzgerald (12 points) has spent his entire career as a member of the Arizona Cardinals. South Dakota State - 34 points: Did you know Adam Vinatieri went to South Dakota State? Well, now you do. Please credit Banner Society if you ever use this fact to win bar trivia.

Did you know Adam Vinatieri went to South Dakota State? Well, now you do. Please credit Banner Society if you ever use this fact to win bar trivia. Arizona - 30 points:

Photo by Keith Bedford/The Boston Globe via Getty Images

Michigan - 30 points: If you’d recruited Gronk (18 points), you’d be ahead of Michigan State on this list!

If you’d recruited Gronk (18 points), you’d be ahead of Michigan State on this list! Oklahoma State - 30 points: Most of these are courtesy of four Thurman Thomas touchdowns, one in each of Buffalo’s four straight los(THE REMAINDER OF THIS ENTRY HAS BEEN COVERED IN MUSTARD AND POWER-BOMBED THROUGH A FOLDING TABLE IN A CHURCH PARKING LOT)

Most of these are courtesy of four Thurman Thomas touchdowns, one in each of Buffalo’s four straight los(THE REMAINDER OF THIS ENTRY HAS BEEN COVERED IN MUSTARD AND POWER-BOMBED THROUGH A FOLDING TABLE IN A CHURCH PARKING LOT) Syracuse - 30 points

Wyoming - 30 points

Minnesota - 25 points

BYU - 24 points

Cincinnati - 24 points

Kansas - 24 points

Kansas State - 24 points

Louisiana Tech - 24 points: All of these points came from two kickers, Chris Boniol and Matt Stover. The easiest way to get on this list, in fact, is to have a kicker who makes a Super Bowl. Please keep this in mind as we get further down the list and you start to notice which schools are missing.

All of these points came from two kickers, Chris Boniol and Matt Stover. The easiest way to get on this list, in fact, is to have a kicker who makes a Super Bowl. Please keep this in mind as we get further down the list and you start to notice which schools are missing. Tulane - 24 points

UNC - 24 points

James Madison - 23 points: Proof they’re the best and most successful program in the state of Virginia. If Virginia Tech/UVA/William & Mary/Richmond don’t like it, they should get more players who score points in the Super Bowl.

Proof they’re the best and most successful program in the state of Virginia. If Virginia Tech/UVA/William & Mary/Richmond don’t like it, they should get more players who score points in the Super Bowl. Texas A&M - 21 points: Ahead of Texas!

Ahead of Texas! Indiana - 20 points: Also ahead of Texas!

Also ahead of Texas! Louisville - 20 points

LSU - 20 points

Virginia Tech - 20 points

Alabama A&M - 18 points: Proof they’re the best and most successful program in the state of Alaba — OK, this is probably where I should tell you that Alabama’s not on this list at all. (Auburn is, but you’re going to have to keep scrolling.) No Crimson Tide player has scored a touchdown, field goal, extra point, two-point conversion, or safety in Super Bowl history.

I did not know that by using the NFL’s scoring system I would be denying Ken Stabler’s rightful place in history. And I’m sorry for that, truly.

Chadron State - 18 points: On the other hand, Chadron State has an enrollment of less than 2,000 undergraduates and boasts two players (Don Beebe and Danny Woodhead) who’ve scored in the Super Bowl.

On the other hand, Chadron State has an enrollment of less than 2,000 undergraduates and boasts two players (Don Beebe and Danny Woodhead) who’ve scored in the Super Bowl. Tennessee - 18 points: And if you’re still mad, Alabama, this scoring system also means Peyton Manning contributes nothing to his alma mater’s total. Neither does Eli! You have been avenged, Cooper!

And if you’re still mad, Alabama, this scoring system also means Peyton Manning contributes nothing to his alma mater’s total. Neither does Eli! You have been avenged, Cooper! Washington - 18 points

Hawaii - 17 points

Texas - 17 points: Think of an amazing Texas position player. That position player has not scored in the Super Bowl. The only Longhorns who have are kickers Justin Tucker and Raúl Allegre.

Think of an amazing Texas position player. That position player has not scored in the Super Bowl. The only Longhorns who have are kickers Justin Tucker and Raúl Allegre. No College Affiliation - 16 points: Two Super Bowl scorers didn’t play college football at all! Garo Yepremian almost played for trained at Butler, but the NCAA ruled him ineligible because he’d spent some time as a semi-pro soccer player. Toni Fritsch had a successful career with the Austrian national team before becoming the kicker for the Cowboys.

College: it’s dumb, and you don’t need it!

Arizona State - 16 points: See?

See? Temple - 16 points

Youngstown State - 16 points

New Mexico State - 14 points

North Dakota - 14 points

Oregon - 14 points

Purdue - 14 points: Moved up after Raheem Mostert scored a touchdown in Super Bowl 54. Mostert tallied five touchdowns in that year’s playoffs and six touchdowns in his entire Purdue career. (To be fair, “Purdue game” and “NFL playoff game” exist on very different ends of the emotional football spectrum.)

Moved up after Raheem Mostert scored a touchdown in Super Bowl 54. Mostert tallied five touchdowns in that year’s playoffs and six touchdowns in his entire Purdue career. (To be fair, “Purdue game” and “NFL playoff game” exist on very different ends of the emotional football spectrum.) Utah St. - 14 points

Georgia Tech - 13 points

Louisiana - 13 points

Akron - 12 points

Cal-Riverside - 12 points

Delaware State - 12 points

Grambling - 12 points

Iowa State - 12 points

Kent State - 12 points

Lane - 12 points

Marshall - 12 points: This is where you remember Randy Moss only scored one Super Bowl touchdown in his career. Maybe the Super Bowl is bullshit? Pretty sure the Super Bowl is bullshit.

This is where you remember Randy Moss only scored one Super Bowl touchdown in his career. Maybe the Super Bowl is bullshit? Pretty sure the Super Bowl is bullshit. Northeastern - 12 points: Not a typo. NorthEASTern.

Not a typo. NorthEASTern. Philander Smith - 12 points

Stephen F. Austin - 12 points

Tennessee State - 12 points

Texas State - 12 points

Troy - 12 points

Tulsa - 12 points

UNLV - 12 points

UT-Arlington - 12 points

Utah - 12 points

Wake Forest - 12 points

West Texas A&M - 12 points

West Virginia - 12 points

Western Michigan - 12 points

William & Mary - 12 points

Montana State - 11 points

Clemson - 10 points: A Clemson Tiger hasn’t scored in a Super Bowl since David Treadwell kicked a field goal and an extra point in Super Bowl 24. Feels like that’ll probably change in the next few years! Considering the Texans alone have Deshaun Watson and DeAndre Hopkins, Clemson sh-

Kevin Jairaj-USA TODAY Sports

OK, maybe Sammy Watkins makes it back to the Super Bowl and scores a touchdown.

Kentucky - 9 points

UTEP - 9 points

Boston College - 8 points

South Carolina - 8 points

San Diego State - 7 points

Angelo State - 6 points

Arkansas - 6 points: Hey, it’s Lance Alworth, the Chargers legend who scored his Super Bowl points ... with the Cowboys! Being a Chargers fan seems fun.

Hey, it’s Lance Alworth, the Chargers legend who scored his Super Bowl points ... with the Cowboys! Being a Chargers fan seems fun. Augustana - 6 points

Austin Peay - 6 points

Bethune-Cookman - 6 points

Colorado Mesa - 6 points

Delaware - 6 points

East Carolina - 6 points

Fresno State - 6 points

Furman - 6 points

Harvard - 6 points: The always trendy Crimson now grace this list thanks to Kyle Juszczyk’s touchdown in Super Bowl 54. About time Harvard started to contribute, frankly.

The always trendy Crimson now grace this list thanks to Kyle Juszczyk’s touchdown in Super Bowl 54. About time Harvard started to contribute, frankly. Houston - 6 points

Iowa - 6 points

Lambuth - 6 points

Livingstone - 6 points

Maryland - 6 points

Miami (Ohio) - 6 points

Midwestern State - 6 points

Mississippi - 6 points

Mississippi State - 6 points

Missouri Southern - 6 points

Monmouth - 6 points

Mount Union - 6 points

Navy - 6 points: Phil McConkey, the only Midshipman who’s scored in a Super Bowl, got his touchdown in 1987 and then celebrated after the game by finding a pistol a police officer had dropped on the field and returning it. I did not make this up.

Phil McConkey, the only Midshipman who’s scored in a Super Bowl, got his touchdown in 1987 and then celebrated after the game by finding a pistol a police officer had dropped on the field and returning it. I did not make this up. Nevada - 6 points

New Mexico - 6 points

Northern Iowa - 6 points

Portland State - 6 points

Prairie View - 6 points

Rice - 6 points

Rutgers - 6 points

Santa Clara - 6 points

SE Louisiana - 6 points

SMU - 6 points

South Carolina State - 6 points

Southern Miss - 6 points: Please commit to memory these two Brett Favre Facts.

1. Brett Favre scored a rushing touchdown in Super Bowl 31 against the Patriots.

2. Brett Favre’s middle name is “Lorenzo.”

UMass - 6 points

Villanova - 6 points

Wabash - 6 points

Western Carolina - 6 points

Winston-Salem State - 6 points

Bowling Green - 5 points

Auburn - 4 points: Yup, you’re here, Auburn. You skipped every class this semester but you showed up and sat for the final, and that means you, by some miracle, get credit for this course. Please send your thanks to Al Del Greco.

Yup, you’re here, Auburn. You skipped every class this semester but you showed up and sat for the final, and that means you, by some miracle, get credit for this course. Please send your thanks to Al Del Greco. Baylor - 4 points

Missouri Western St. - 3 points

Long Beach State - 2 points

Texas A&M-Commerce - 2 points

Toledo - 2 points

Weber State - 2 points

Coast Guard - 1 point: In 1973, Curt Knight kicked a single extra point for Washington in Super Bowl 7. Imagine Nick Saban, a senior at Kent State, watching that kick. He couldn’t have known it would put Coast Guard on a list of football accomplishments that didn’t include the Crimson Tide. He probably thought, as you did when you started this list, that an Alabama player had surely scored in the Super Bowl before, or would sometime in the next 47 years.

But you and Nick Saban were wrong.