​Hi, I’m Ashley, and I have no social life.

Motherhood has tanked my social life to the point where I’m lucky if I can name five friends. It’s my “fault,” I suppose. I married and had kids young. I literally know zero people even close to my age of 25 years, who have kids. I had my first at 20 and my second the day before my 24th birthday. I have sisters; I have a couple of childhood friends who I still talk to, but none of them have children. I’ve reconnected with old friends and met people my age, but nobody sticks. I am just at such a different point of my life. While these people socialize and go out at night, I am home with my kids, working, or trying to finish up my MBA. I don’t drink; I’m happily married; my idea of a perfect night is cuddling up with a good book in a quiet house and sleeping in the next morning (I can dream).

I want friends. Desperately. I feel lonely sometimes, thinking about how I wish I could take my babes with me places and have friends who are my age and have kids that my kids can play with. I know people do this, but I can’t seem to link up with the right people. I am starting to think it must be me. Maybe I smell weird?I

get so excited when I see another mom at preschool pick-up. I try not to be awkward. I think to myself, “Don’t blow this, Ashley. Be cool.” I am socially apt enough to know I can’t just blurt out, “Hey, I see you also have a small human. Let’s be friends,” but, how do I make friends with these people?! This is way more difficult than dating. I feel like I’m this awkward ball of . . . awkwardness. Then I think, maybe it’s because she’s new to the school, but she can’t be the only new kid. Then I start thinking maybe all of the parents don’t know each other, but I’ve seen them talk, and a lot of them seem to know each other well. My mind keeps racing, wondering what I’m doing wrong.

Am I the only one who feels this way?

I try to keep reminding myself my kids are only four and one. We’ve got time. My four-year-old plays well with others. She has fantastic friends at school from what I’ve seen and heard. She’s happy. I’ve got my family, and the friends I do have may not have kids and may be in totally different places in their lives, but they are true friends I can count on. One day I will finally find myself a mom friend.

So, fellow mom, if you see a mom staring at you and your kid or awkwardly trying to communicate, it’s probably just me trying to mom-date you, and I’m incredibly sorry for coming across so creepy, but . . .

Can we be friends?

Originally published onHer View From Home