Harry’s mouth was agape as he looked out over the plurality of shops stretching down the long, cobblestone street. "How do they keep this hidden inside London without anyone ever noticing?“

"Well - er - i’s not really inside London. Thar is no London outside Derrida Alley. Tha’ say Hogwarts were established so far from London fer this reason - thar is no potential for affect and the mater'ality of bodies inside the alley text.”

Harry was astonished by these philosophical insights. "Did you learn all this at Hogwarts?“

"Sort of, ‘arry. I wan’t a student fer long. They kicked me out. But Headmistresses Cerullo and Russo kept me on as the Keeper of Keys and Apparatuses.”

“Oh.” Harry’s mind wasn’t prepared for these subtleties and wanted to probe the issues inherent therein, but he could sense Hagrid’s embarassment, so he didn’t press the matter. "How am I supposed to buy any of these school supplies, Hagrid? I don’t have any money, and the Dursleys will never give me any.“

"Do ya think’ yer parents did'n leave ya any cultural capital, 'arry? Tha’ were thumpin’ good theorists, afterall.”

“What’s cultural capital?”

“It’s tha theorist’s money. Ya get it from roundabout arguments and suppos’d novelty.” Harry didn’t quite understand, but he wasn’t even sure how to problematize the concept, having been raised in such a non-theoretical, Oedipal, petty-bourgeois nuclear family unit. He had only ever managed - and accidentally, at that - to deconstruct the glass for the snake at the zoo; how could he possibly even begin to mount a rigorous analysis of the objet a of the wizarding world?

Hagrid led Harry down the wide alley towards a bookstore cramped between a small café that served, according to the sign, “fair trade coffee and minoritarian pastries” and a potions shop specializing in becoming-beautiful. "This is Rhetorical Flourish and Blotts, whar you’ll fin’ all yer books fer school.“ Stacks of books towered precariously around the small paths through the store, while other books hung theoretically in the air.

Harry read his list of supplies. "It says I need: The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 1 by Miranda Goshawk, The Fascist Hermeneutics of Goshawk’s Standards: A Critique of Normativity in Neoliberal Education by Gerry Hiroux, Continental Philosophy: A Very Short Introduction by Simon Critchley, Magical Drafts and Potions by Arsenius Jigger, and Becoming-Other: A Beginner’s Guide to Transfiguration by Emeric Switch.”

“Ay, those er all simple books, 'arry. Tha'r sure to 'ave a buncha copies.”