Coming to you live (but not at all live) from an East Atlanta basement decorated entirely with yard sale rejects, it's Shutdown Fullback, the world's first and only college football show. And if the Lord's willing, it will be the world's last college football show.

Other college football shows have been attempted, but none lasted past the early 1980s, thanks in full to Jimmy Johnson. Shutdown Fullback is here to carry on that proud-but-brief tradition while infusing it with modern enhancements, such as Hi-Fi sound and graphics realized in full 8-bit visual technology. Spencer Hall of Every Day Should Be Saturday and I are on call 24 hours a day to fulfill your college football needs, but only about 25 minutes a week are worth watching.

Here are those first 25 or so minutes. We apologize for camera man David's involvement, and we kindly ask you not to expect anything more out of him.

The first order of business, as always, is Nick Saban. Other urgent matters include the NFL Combine, spring football and Dick Ebersol, all at maximum volume whenever possible. Over the anticipated 30-year course of the series, college football will be solved forever, but for now, we'll have to make do with berating Robert Griffin III for his disappointing lack of non-speed.

Broken into four quarters to simulate American football and complete with a state-mandated intermission, this is Shutdown Fullback:

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