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Burn school, the kiss of death, the time I ruined my dad’s new car, threesomes with Alexa, Golden Shower arguments, I know I am but what am I, an erotic story two for one, the death of Optimus Prime, 24-hour news cycles, Santa Cuck and the Season of Cucksmas, a Lucie Wilde apology, Trump’s My Little Pony fan fiction, Izzy is a ringer, the Best Debate in the Universe Death Pool, and Dustin’s sex change fundraiser; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

This episode gets side-tracked quickly when the validity of my car story from last week is called into question. Admittedly, I am not a car expert, but I am an expert on ripping things out of other things. The character of Mola Ram was actually based on me. In fact, one time I ripped an entire camel straight through the eye of a needle. It wasn’t even hard to do. And I learned from the best. I tell the story of ruining my dad’s brand new car as a child. Being about the age he was now when it happened, I can only thank him for not ripping my head clean out my ass. But first…

The art of wit is an important one. It just elected a president for fuck’s sake, and as our technology increases, so does the reach and power of our sick burns. Yet, when it comes to slams on any scale, not everyone is on the same page. I talk about the, “I know I am, but what am I” defense, in which someone who has been thoroughly BTFO in the most humiliating way tries to own the insult to get the last laugh. I propose a standardized system for cataloguing, classifying, and ranking sick burns that should be taught in schools because after all, if we can’t settle our beefs with words, we have to go back to fist fights, and no one has the energy for that shit.

Then, Null formerly the lead developer for 8chan calls in to confirm what we all knew from the beginning: I have no ability to remove content from the site. No one does. Null also talks about running Kiwi Farms, a forum dedicated to something called “gossip” and probably one of the hardest forums to moderate on the face of the Earth. Null is a controversial figure who gives his thoughts on privacy, congressional penises, and tells the story of dealing with the Trans Lifeline organization including the founder paying a visit to his home.

Doxxing used to be something that happened, then it became a right of passage for getting any attention on the internet, and now it seems to just be the Internet. Everyone is screen capping everything as the computer rapidly turns reality into poker chips. The second something is digitized, it’s gone forever. It’s happened to me, I’ve seen people terrorized by it, but I’ve also seen people vindicated by it. Bad people are out there doing bad shit with infinite reach at the click of a button, and the only way to stop them is to expose them. I’m starting to think of doxxing more like a gun. It’s the hands that matter more than the tool and no matter what anyone does or says, it isn’t going away. Null gives an ominous DickTip on how to avoid landing yourself in the gossip jackpot, “Don’t fuck up.”

I may be naive, but I have faith in the mob–provided they have all the information. And if humor is the guide, its a true one. People don’t laugh at the wrong part of the movie. They laugh when some asshole gets kicked in the nuts.

Next, everyone knows December is dedicated to the season of Christmas, but did you know January is dedicated to the season of Cucksmas? Well according to Asterios, it is. Santa Cuck sends in a selection of Cucksmas Carols sang in true Digital Cyberdemon form. And as an added bonus, Asterios’ Patreon has just passed the point of no return. The Sneaky Greek is now obligated to provide the world with a weekly podcast. More details to come.

Speaking of details, how would you like a trip to LA? In light of recent and rampant lies and implies, I’ve decided to sponsor a contest that began on The Dick Show subreddit. If you can guess the day and time when Maddox announces the “hiatus” of the Best Debate in the Universe, I’ll fly you out and you can help The Dick Show put the “fun” in funeral as we celebrate its demise. I think it’s a 2017 guarantee, but don’t let me influence your guess. All I know is, it couldn’t happen to a better person who tried to fuck me over. Here is the thread on Reddit. Make your guess. No edits. Everyone gets one. More rules are in the thread.

Izzy Nobre calls in to defend his honor and his belt as champion of the Rage Match. The fate of Pettyman is in your hands, but should he fail to dethrone The Brazilian Ringer, the stage is set for a challenger.



Some of the brightest minds from The Dick Show IRC, Rory, ACIOU, and Blitz, have put together a Dick Show Bingo game that you can play along with the show. I’m following along with the episode right now, and I think I’ve filled in the entire board.

Dustin Siniawa calls in from the DickHeads on Facebook and this time I have questions for him. Like why is the group set to private? And who the hell is Adam Nash? Dustin has a question about Trump and talks about his fundraiser to pay for a trans-woman’s sexual reassignment surgery. In the vein of everything being a contest, Dustin adds a perk onto the fundraiser that may or may not be a podcasting first.

Sam Glaze sends in a remix called Spice it Up!



And Brandon of Maximum! Panic sends in a deeply traumatizing thumbnail.



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