Grandpa has enjoyed a lovely dinner with your family at your home and it’s time to say goodbye. Do you force your child to give him a big smooch on the cheek? Or is a friendly high-five and a goodbye satisfactory?

This week, England’s authority on sex and relationship education advised parents to not force their children to kiss older relatives or friends.

Lucy Emmerson, co-ordinator of the Sex Education Forum in England, says that children start learning about consent at age “zero” and their early experiences influence how they make decisions during their teenage years.

“Much is learned by young children from everyday experiences about whether or not their opinion is valued and if they have any control over physical contact with others,” Emmerson wrote in the Sex Education Forum’s e-magazine that’s a resource for teachers. She added that children need to learn that their bodies “are their own.”

Emmerson says parents should suggest alternatives to a kiss such as “a high-five, a hug, blowing a kiss or a wave.” By giving your child an option, she says, you’re putting him in control.

Emmerson’s viewpoint is causing a stir among family advocates in Britain.

This might all seem trivial and Emmerson’s linking teenage consent to early childhood experiences might seem like a stretch, but if you’re a parent of a young child, you probably know that these situations come up frequently. I find that friends and family are always wanting to hug and kiss my kids and my children often shy away from the affection. My daughter gives the biggest, warmest hugs of anyone I know but she’s hesitant to give one of her bear squeezes to someone who isn’t a best friend or favorite relative. I never tell my kids to kiss someone but in certain situations I have nudged them to give a long-lost cousin who they’ve just met a hug. A hug is a friendly gesture but is it necessary?

Looking back to my own childhood, I can remember adults wanting to hug and kiss me and I hated it. My parents would have friends over to play Bridge and at the end of the night middle-aged women with bourbon on their breath would want to slap a kiss on my cheek. I’d cower in the corner to keep away.