Many introverts prefer calm quiet activities. Parties are typically not in that category. Crowded and loud gatherings can make us feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable. Share this: Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)

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As I sat comfortably in my bed wearing over-sized sweats, watching YouTube videos and sipping hot tea, I got a call from an old friend. We had met in military training a few years back. “I’m coming to Washington D.C.!” she exclaimed. “Really! When?” I replied. “Next weekend to visit my cousin, but you and I should meet up while I’m in town.” “Definitely,” I said excitedly. She and I talked on the phone a little while longer about our work lives then ended the conversation with her saying she would call me upon arriving in town. We never discussed what she specifically had planned for her time in D.C.

Do I Have To Go?

Subsequently, when she called the following weekend, I asked, “What are you doing while you’re here?” She eagerly replied, “On Friday night, we’re going to a hookah lounge then a party. Saturday we’re going to a ‘day’ party. Then on Sunday we’re going to Bottomless Mimosa Brunch.” Seeing that all these activities involved excessive small talk and large amounts of people, I had no interest in any of them.

“Oh… sounds like you have a lot planned,” I replied. “Yea, do you want to come?” she asked. “Um…,” I hesitated. “I’m not really a party person, so I probably won’t go to the party on Friday or Saturday.” “What about Sunday brunch?” she asked. “Uh…those kinds of brunches are always crowded with drunk people which is basically the same as a party to me. How about you just keep me posted if you do anything else?” “Alright, I’ll let you know,” she concluded.

When Social Anxiety Kicks In

After we got off the phone, guilt took over me. I really did not want to attend any of the events she had listed, yet I felt obligated because I had not seen her in years. Besides not being interested in her plans, she was actually in town to visit her cousin, so I foresaw feeling like a third wheel. Plus, I knew her cousin, and she and my friend were much more extroverted than me. I imagined them at the parties shamelessly dancing, loudly laughing, and easily mingling with other people. Essentially, I pictured them having a blast while I sat awkwardly in a corner somewhere. That is not my idea of fun. Not to mention, everything on their weekend agenda would have forced me to put on makeup and real clothes, things I also do not call fun (except maybe on special occasions).

Can I Just Stay Home?

Many introverts prefer calm quiet activities. Parties are typically not in that category. Crowded and loud gatherings can make us feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable. Yet, because we live in a world full of extroverts, who oppositely love these same events, we feel pressured to say “yes” when asked if we will be in attendance. Then we secretly proceed to draft our escape or pray for cancelled plans.

Personally, I love to relax at home. Having always been a homebody, I could sit and read, write, listen to podcasts or audio books, or watch movies all day. I even knock out my daily recommended exercise at home too. Who needs a gym when I can jump rope in my yard, perform a series of push-ups, sit-ups, lunges, and squats in my living room, or my favorite, do yoga in the basement? I also prefer home-cooked meals versus going out to the eat. I probably could stay in my house for a whole month straight, if I had enough food.

Compromise

Still feeling guilty about not seeing my friend, I needed to come up with a solution. She was thoughtful enough to invite me to spend the weekend with her and her cousin, the least I could do was to also throw out an idea for us to meet up. I shot her a text asking if she and her cousin wanted to come over for dinner on Sunday night to which, she replied, “yes, we’d love to!” Just like that, I found a compromise, and I felt instant relief.

Too often, introverts turn down invitations and miss out on building relationships that we may care about. Or worse, we accept invitations knowing we will suffer from anxiety or stimulation overload. We may even feel confident that we can handle the activity when we originally said yes but regretted that decision five minutes later and didn’t speak up about our changed minds.

A better alternative, if the invite is from someone we feel connected with, is to find an activity of mutual interest. Or if the we feel the invite was insincere in the first place and would include shallow socializing, say “no thanks” and keep it moving. Wanting to be alone is not weird. Disliking parties does not make us boring. We as introverts should stop putting ourselves through things that stress us out.

Leave a comment below on what you would have done in this situation.

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