I know you were tired, we were all tired, we’d been parked at the gate for an hour waiting to get off the plane. We all grumbled and sighed and rolled our eyes when they said we’re waiting for a jet-way driver to get us off the plane so we can go home. I heard you talking with your group of friends about whether you would be writing a letter to the airline complaining about your experience. I heard you say you didn’t plan on it because it wouldn’t make any difference.

And then, rich old white dude on his way home from vacation, I heard you take your impotent frustration out on the first person you found who couldn’t fight back.

I heard what you said to the flight attendant — the nice young woman thanking you for your patience as you walked off the plane. You shook your head at her and sneered, “no good.”

And I saw her face as you walked away. Her professional smile stayed in place, but the rest of her face crumpled around it. She looked like you had slapped her. She looked like she was trying her best not to cry (she succeeded). Her face said you were one more entitled asshole than she could take in one day.

And then, you did the same thing to the gate agent (a young Black man, by the way — I can’t help but think that’s a factor in your decision to treat him as less than human). You walked up to him and said, “bad job.”

Like you were scolding a child. Like you were chastising a servant.

I didn’t see his face after, but I bet it looked just like the flight attendant’s. I bet his face said, I don’t know if I can handle another disgruntled rich guy who thinks his inconvenience is the greatest disaster in the world, and lashes out at people who are not even remotely responsible for the issue.

Did you have any idea how much of an asshole you must have been to make me run after you at 2:00 in the morning to tell you your behavior was unacceptable?

I said, You shouldn’t have said that, it’s not their fault, leave them alone. You said, Well, they are agents of the company. I said, No they’re not, not in any real sense, and more importantly, you just can’t speak to people that way. You’re being cruel. Stop it. You sputtered, fumbling for a comeback. You said, Well thank you for your … your … I said, My advice on how to be a decent human being? You’re welcome. Any time.

But what I should have said is, let’s both stop pretending you are trying to inform the company of a problem so they can fix it. You know I heard you talking about how it wasn’t worth your time to write to the company and complain, so this cruelty is obviously about something else entirely. We both know if someone with real power to change company policy had been standing in that hallway, you would not have spoken to him that way. You wanted to scold someone who couldn’t say anything back to you. Being stuck on a plane for an hour made you feel powerless, so you found someone lower on the totem pole to kick so you could feel important again.

I should have said, what’s wrong with you? What is broken in your soul that what makes you feel better is causing pain to people you see as less important than you? You are what’s wrong with the world — both the symptom and the cause.

I wish I had said to the flight attendant, I’m so sorry for that asshole’s behavior. I think you’re doing a great job — I know the delay is not your fault. I wish the balance of power in the world didn’t require you to thank him for his cruelty. I wish there weren’t so many people who want to see you crawl.

Let me take care of him for you, because I know you can’t right now.

But I didn’t. I walked right by her with a mumbled “thanks,” and she never saw me confront the asshole who tried and failed to make her cry. He hurt her, and I hurt him, but she never got the satisfaction of seeing a bully brought down. She got off that plane and went to her hotel room and ordered room service and went to sleep thinking I watched some guy attack her and didn’t care. And then she got up the next morning and went back to work, and I’m sure it was just a little bit harder to put that professional smile on her face the next day.

To the flight attendant I want to say, I’m sorry I didn’t accost him more publicly, so everyone could see what he did and that it has consequences. I’m sorry this kind of thing happens all the time and nobody reacts, and a little piece of you that believed in justice and compassion dies every time it happens.

Next time I’ll do better.

Next time, asshole, God help you.