Welcome to the Dangerous Faggot Tour! My name is MILO, the supervillain of the Internet. Thank you for spending your Friday night with me. I know you could be out partying with all the students from Miami of Ohio who I hear come to Athens every weekend.

You’ve made a good decision. I’m here to teach you more about the world than all of your professors put together.

But first, I have to teach some another college a lesson. Or rather, their administrators. Yesterday, I spoke at West Virginia University where I drew attention to two colleges that were trying to dick my lovely student organizers around by requesting massive security fees a few days before my events were scheduled to take place, effectively torpedoing them.

Now, one of those colleges, Minnesota State, has backed down and lowered the security fee. Because of course they did…All it took was a little polite, gentle encouragement from myself and Breitbart News.

But the other college, Iowa State, is holding out. Big, big mistake Iowa State, let me tell you.

Now, not only is Iowa State potentially breaking the law by failing to cover security costs themselves, but they’re also bringing the full force of MILO down upon them. But you know, I’m a nice, kind, forgiving guy, so I’m giving the colleges a few days to come to their senses and waive the fees.

It’s not hard — Iowa isn’t the first college to try this tactic, only to realize their horrible mistake and come to their senses.

[SLIDE: UC Irvine, University Of Alabama, Minnesota State University logos]

You see, these are the smart ones. They realised they were doing more than fucking over isolated student conservatives. They were also getting into a game of chicken with me and Breitbart News. And that’s not a place you want to be, because we never blink.

So, Irvine, Alabama, and Minnesota have saved their reputations. Particularly Minnesota, which I’m told has a very free speech-friendly president who made a real effort to ensure the event wasn’t torpedoed by security fees. Tellingly, the other two colleges had to suffer a little bit more of the Milo treatment before they rolled over.

Iowa State, however, have decided that they want to suffer the full force of the Milo treatment!

So, if you’d like to let this university know what you think of their attempts to stifle free speech and intellectual diversity on campus, here is the email address of the president.

This president has announced to the world that he would like his college to have a reputation like the University of Missouri, which has lost tens of millions in donations because they caved into the regressive left.

Instead of taking the route of the University of Chicago, which is attracting accolade after accolade in the press for standing up for free speech and against safe spaces and trigger warnings, he wants to consign his college’s reputation to oblivion. Well, fine! If that’s what he wants, I’ll happily help him do it!

Now, what about your university?

It was important for me to come to Ohio U because you need a big dose of free speech here. Perhaps not quite as much as the two I just mentioned, but a fairly big dose nonetheless. Let me take you on a trip down memory lane

Now I must give a trigger warning for any liberals in the room, this will be upsetting. Can you believe the Greek community had the audacity to put this up on your graffiti wall?

My god! They wrote Trump 2016! And Build the Wall! How dare they.

Now, your college president, Roderick J. McDavis did what every liberal does… he called for diversity and inclusion. They never call for diversity of thought, or inclusion of conservatives, do they? But I’m sure he rushed out a response to Black Lives Matter messages…. Right?

President McDavis said that while the wall is “a place for free speech and expression,” pro-Trump expression has a “very different meaning” to some people.

It is a classic case of “If your speech doesn’t agree with liberal groupthink, shut up”.

This wasn’t a one-time event either. Thankfully, young conservatives are learning not to shut up when they are told to. They are fighting back, and winning.

In September the College Republicans struck back with another Trump wall message. Of course it was quickly covered over, but free speech isn’t that easy to shut down anymore.

My personal response to President McDavis, and the liberal professors and administrations of every university in America is simple: Donald Trump won, bitches!

And young conservatives are ready to fight AND WIN the culture war for free speech on campus.

I will share with you a perspective you don’t often hear as students: that of your alumni. Most alumni have this attitude of “Not my college.” They think the left’s war on free speech and common sense exists everywhere EXCEPT their school.



It gives me a sick thrill to watch their faces crumble when they learn their alma mater is just as horrible as the rest. One of my closest colleagues at Breitbart is an Alumni of OU, he was here almost 20 years ago. The shock he felt when he learned that liberal students called the police because their feelings were hurt was amazing to behold.

Imagine the poor liberal students sobbing to the police over the message “Trigger Warning: There are no safe spaces in real life. You can’t wall off the First Amendment.”

It is always amazing how the liberals hate the police until something offends them, isn’t it?

The reaction of Alumni when they learn that not only are the students of their Alma Mater a bunch of crybabies, but the university itself coddles those babies, is to stop donating. Just ask the University of Missouri how they are doing after losing donor after donor.

In March last year, Missouri admitted that they had lost about 1,500 students and were experiencing a budget shortfall of $32 million, just a few months after the protests. We’ve also learned that the university had to close four dormitories — including two called Excellence and Respect.

At the time, the interim Chancellor wrote “I am writing to you today to confirm that we project a very significant budget shortfall due to an unexpected sharp decline in first-year enrollments and student retention this coming fall. I wish I had better news.”

Unexpected? I didn’t find it unexpected at all!

Hopefully Ohio University sees the light on diversity of political opinions before it too feels the financial pinch, but no promises… these university types are not very bright.

I’m glad we’ve already mentioned safe spaces this evening, because I think they will be in use tonight.

With the election of Donald Trump, we must press forward with free speech on campus. Daddy can fix a lot things, like he just fixed Carrier in Indiana, but you students must fight your own culture war.

Tonight we’re going to do what feminists are not willing or able to do. We’re going to define the Patriarchy.

You see, feminists don’t really like to define the Patriarchy. They prefer to keep it nebulous and amorphous, so they can conveniently blame it for everything that goes wrong in their lives. Not being paid enough? Patriarchy! Not getting a promotion? Patriarchy!

Too many catcalls? Patriarchy!

Too few catcalls? Patriarchy!

The air conditioning is too high? Patriarchy!

Eggplant emojis? Patriarchy!

To many of us, myself included, the patriarchy is a source of good jokes. My birthday is now internationally celebrated as “World Patriarchy Day.”

Let’s be honest, the garbage that flows out of feminists’ mouths doesn’t need much help to be funny. A 400 pound blue-haired behemoth with more piercings than chins — BUT ONLY JUST BARELY — screeching about how she needs to live on donations because…. The Patriarchy! I mean the jokes write themselves.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that no two feminists have the same definition for what the patriarchy actually is.

Well, two feminists have never agreed on ANYTHING….EVER, except maybe that cats make ideal life partners.

There are a few reasons for this. Firstly, feminists like most academic charlatans like to use lots of big long words like “intersectional” and “systemic” to make themselves seem clever without doing any real science. They think this hides the fact that they aren’t actually saying anything. It works with grant applications, but it isn’t working on the general public. Sorry ladies!

According to a Huffington Post poll from 2013, just 23 per cent of women were willing to call themselves feminists, compared to 82 percent of women who said they believed in equality of the sexes. In the UK the crisis for feminism is even worse. The Fawcett society, a feminist charity, found that just 9 percent of women identified with the label, compared to 74 percent who said they believed in equality of the sexes.

What does this tell us? That people no longer associate feminism with equality of the sexes. Quite right too!

Of course, the reason why a few women still turn to feminism isn’t hard to understand. Just look at your own university’s gender studies professors!

[SLIDE: Faculty Photos]

Can anyone guess why these women might have grown into bitter, resentful middle aged man-haters?

The other reasons why feminists can’t agree on a definition of the patriarchy is obvious. Feminism is like any female-dominated group — a perpetual catfight. Feminists are always in competition with each other to be the queen of all feminists, and thereby getting the most money from donations. This leads to each radical feminist creating a broader and more ridiculous definition of the patriarchy than the last.

Thirdly, let’s be honest, gender studies is the softest of the soft sciences. By soft I’m not referring to the typical feminist belly, or the genitals of male feminists, but rather to the quality of their scholarship. They just don’t put much work into it, because if anyone questioned the quality of their work, they must be….say it with me….. THE PATRIARCHY.

There is some precedent for this in culture. Feminists are like the Borg from Star Trek. They don’t know anything about other groups beyond the fact that they need to be assimilated into a hivemind that mindlessly follows the orders of a Queen. Sounds like college. But in this case, resistance is not futile; they are losing.

We see a similar attitude among journalists about guns. They don’t know anything about guns except they are evil, kill people by themselves, and are either AR-15’s or Glocks.

The Democrats……and Kelloggs……and Pepsi do the same thing by calling all Donald Trump supporters deplorables and white supremacists. They’ve lumped in millions of people with the Alt-Right, most of which haven’t even heard of the Alt-Right. I’m sure some of you taught your parents about Pepe over Thanksgiving right?



It’s all about blaming someone else for everything that goes wrong.

Smarter people than me call this the “external locus of control.” Every political group that’s slightly mental has one. The external locus of control is the thing you blame for all the world’s problems, and often your personal problems as well. So for Alex Jones fans, it’s the New World Order. For feminists, it’s the patriarchy.

Generally speaking, feminists define the patriarchy as everything that is not feminist dogma. It is a conspiracy at all levels of western civilization designed at every turn to control women’s lives and hold them down as second class citizens.

Strangely, they never accuse the Middle East of all those things, even though that is where it’s all actually happening.

In practical terms, the patriarchy is a crutch feminists use to explain their personal failings. It isn’t their fault they couldn’t get a date, it is the patriarchy’s fault. It isn’t their fault they couldn’t get a job with a gender studies degree, it is the patriarchy’s fault.



Considering the weight of many feminists, it’s good they have a metaphorical crutch because the real kind won’t support their weight much longer.

Feminists even blame the patriarchy for making math icky, and for not liking obese people. In all fairness, on the last point we can say “guilty as charged”.

So in summary, the patriarchy is anything and everything. We don’t yet see radical feminists accusing eachother of being agents of the patriarchy, but it is only a matter of time. Like communists accusing each other of betraying the revolution, 2017 is likely to bring charges of internalized patriarchy to campuses around the nation.

I can’t wait to see that. I imagine the facial expressions the poor girls will make might look like this.

[SLIDE: Chanty “big red” Binx making an upset face]

Make no mistake, if third-wave feminism precisely defined the patriarchy, it would destroy their movement. The majority of Americans and Europeans would recognize it is actually with everything that makes the west great, and the radfems would be laughed out of anywhere EXCEPT campuses.

On campuses, where liberal softies still rule with an iron fist, feminism is as safe as a city with no women drivers. That is the ONLY thing I support about Saudi Arabia by the way.

I once thought that if feminists took over the world, there would be immediate global nuclear war. It would be touched off by the smallest of things, like not Retweeting a selfie fast enough, or speaking to a man without accusing him of rape.

Now I recognize that feminists are far too passive-aggressive for nukes, they’d rather destroy western civilization by importing murderous barbarians and teaching boys that masculinity is evil and cuckoldry is noble.

Now that we’ve looked at the patriarchy from the feminist point of view, let’s switch gears and look at the patriarchy from a non-psychotic, rational place.

The patriarchy, to put it simply, is Western Civilization. The patriarchy is America. They are inseparable.

The patriarchy is the idea that people can achieve their best if they work hard, it doesn’t matter if you are rich or poor, what color you are, or are a man or woman. And yes because it is rooted in science and reality, the patriarchy believes there are only two genders.

The patriarchy says your potential is not based on your identity, but what talents you are born with and to what lengths you will go to achieve greatness.

The patriarchy has resulted in everything important in America, including this college campus.

In 50 years, after most of today’s feminists have died from complications related to obesity, their writing and thinking will be relegated to the backwaters of study, if they are remembered at all. But the United States Constitution, the Magna Carta, and if I may humbly say my book which will come out in 2017 will still be studied and taught in school.

Well, maybe not my book, unless a lot changes on campus.

The patriarchy does not value men over women, or particularly favor them. These claims by feminists are fictitious. Men are the casualties of war, the vast majority of suicides, and practically everyone killed on the job.

Yes, that’s right, there’s actually a death gap, and it massively favors women. Data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics shows that men make up 92 percent – 92 percent! – of workplace deaths. That’s real gender inequality.

Beyond dying, men also do the dirty jobs, get the short end of the stick in family court, and are expected to support their family at all costs to themselves.

According to the same data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics, women make up less than 1 percent of the following professions: boilermakers, brick masonry, septic tank servicing, sewer pipe cleaners, and trash collectors.

Amazing that we haven’t heard about it! We hear endlessly about the need for more women in cool, high-status jobs like technology and nuclear physics and video game design, but nothing about the lack of female sewage workers.

In every meaningful way, the patriarchy favors women. Women are critical to the patriarchy, and much harder to replace than men quite frankly. Women hold families together and raise the next generation of shitlords. In a pinch, I could turn straight for a while to make sure the species doesn’t go extinct.

One thing the patriarchy certainly does is recognize that men and women are not the same. That shouldn’t be a mindblowing concept for anyone in the room, but it is for feminists. They want to insist that women act like men.

In fact all of the dozens and dozens of genders they believe in have the single purpose of confusing the feminine and the masculine. Those that aren’t about getting strange men into women’s bathrooms of course.

Feminists complain that some areas of study are overwhelmingly male. The patriarchy doesn’t mind that the vast majority of nurses and teaching students are women, because many women are interested in those careers and have a talent for them.

Why is feminism about taking options and agency away from women? Women should be able to study whatever they want. Women should study STEM if they have a talent for it, and can keep up with the other students. Like the presidency, having a vagina should not be a consideration for what major a college student chooses.

Any woman who did not support Hillary Clinton for President was branded an internalized Misogynist. Even crazy lefties like Susan Sarandon. Why does being a woman define exactly what women must do and how they must vote? Sounds pretty sexist to me.

Speaking of Hillary, she mentioned some of my articles in one of her low energy campaign speeches. One of my recent favorite headlines is “How To Make Women Happy: Uninvent The Washing Machine And The Pill“.

The point of that article is that inventions like the washing machine and the pill were designed to force women that might have chosen to be homemakers into the workforce. They removed the women’s agency in a very un-patriarchal manner.

Why has western civilization declared war on the housewife? It isn’t a new phenomena, but it is one of my own deepest questions. Most likely they want to do to the family what they did to Europe — turning it into an unrecognizable shithole full of bodily waste and garbage.

The patriarchy recognizes that anyone, male or female, will be miserable if forced into a particular role they are not suited for. That is borne out by the evidence — women have become intensely unhappy over the last 35 years.

Of course women should not be forced to stay home and keep house. Many women are interested in careers. More power to them! But they shouldn’t be vilified for staying home, and they shouldn’t be pressured to study a particular major just to make the sisterhood proud.

I often use America’s trips to the moon as one of the pinnacles of patriarchy. Nothing embodies the dedication to greatness through science, applied technology, courage, and audacity as the race to the moon.

The patriarchy loves a good bad guy, and the Soviets made excellent bad guys throughout the space race.

Naturally, feminists argue that the reason women are under-represented in space exploration is because there’s a big bad patriarchy constantly telling them that they can’t be astronauts and should be housewives instead.

Yeah, sure, pop culture has never given us any female astronauts as role models. That’s why we had to watch Sandra Bullock in space screaming like a total cunt for two hours.

Perhaps the patriarchy will one day soon get us to Mars too. If man does travel to Mars, there is a reason the patriarchy will be behind it.



When the spacecraft is three months into the journey to Mars, if the Oxygen system breaks down, the astronauts will not care if the engineer of that system was a woman, they will care that they can’t breathe.

In outer space, identity politics aren’t worth anything — only getting the job done.

Imagine if the survivor in the Martian was a male feminist. He’d probably write a long blog post about how he was making Mars a better place by ridding Mars of its last white male. He’d wish his wife and his wife’s boyfriend a good future on Earth and promptly kill himself.

In a recent interview I brought up the moon landing, and shortly after I received an email from a fan. They said “It wasn’t only the patriarchy, it was also Margaret Hamilton!”

Margaret Hamilton. A brilliant woman. One of the great early computer programmers in fact. She played a key role in the Apollo program, including the programming that helped the astronauts reach the moon safely.

My fan was mistaken — he thought that Margaret Hamilton, just by virtue of being a woman, was not part of the patriarchy.

Now this is a concept that will make leftists faint dead away… lots of women are part of the patriarchy! The majority of women believe in equality between the sexes, but don’t identify as feminists. These are patriarchal women, and I’m guessing a lot of women in the audience fall into this category.

Margaret Hamilton absolutely is part of the patriarchy. She was the best in her field and contributed the highest caliber of work to the Apollo mission. Her gender and identity were never part of the equation. Only her skill.

Do you think Margaret Hamilton ever put tape over her nipples and joined a slut walk? Do you think she ever made art with her period blood? Of course not. I think she’s the type that would punch you in the mouth if you called her a female programmer instead of a programmer.

This reliance on merit over personal identity is the patriarchy. There is your single sentence definition, but if I just said that at the beginning, I wouldn’t get to listen to myself talk for an hour.

Girls, if you want to be like Margaret Hamilton, pick a subject and never give up. Think about learning a marketable skill instead of complaining about gender injustice, or writing additions to the Vagina Monologues.

Feminism believes the best path forward for women is to study things they don’t want to study, to take jobs they aren’t qualified for or suited for, and to say, think, and vote exactly how this amorphous sisterhood tells them to do.

It shouldn’t surprise anyone that feminism simply doesn’t work. I used to think that if feminists ruled the world, we’d all be living in mud huts. But now I question their ability to make a mud hut, what is a step down from that? I don’t know, maybe a women’s studies classroom when their periods are all in sync.

Compare that with the patriarchy, as personified by Donald Trump. Trump has appointed women to some of the highest jobs in the federal government, and has a history of promoting female managers, and the first female construction supervisor for a skyscraper in 1980.

Of course the patriarchy isn’t only about hiring and promoting women that are competent at their job. It involved a lot of men, because patriarchy embraces masculinity.

Look at Trump’s new Secretary of Defense, General “Mad Dog” Mattis. This guy is so Cis-Hetero, he makes Clint Eastwood look like a Thai ladyboy. He might as well double up as Secretary of the Patriarchy!

Mad Dog Mattis understands that national defense, like gender, is a binary. Friend or foe. Success or failure, or, as the Marines would say, victor or vanquished.

Without the patriarchy, there is a simple term for America’s future…. Conquered.

To close out this evening’s presentation, in case there are any liberals not yet completely triggered, I’d like to share a quote from General Mattis. Perhaps the most patriarchal quote of my lifetime:



“You go into Afghanistan, you got guys who slap women around for five years because they didn’t wear a veil. You know, guys like that ain’t got no manhood left anyway. So it’s a hell of a lot of fun to shoot them. Actually it’s quite fun to fight them, you know. It’s a hell of a hoot. It’s fun to shoot some people. I’ll be right up there with you. I like brawling.”

Written from prepared remarks.