“Hope for what?” I asked.

“That one day they will be able to do the things they can’t right now.”

We wanted our parents to live independently in their own home, which meant that my siblings and I were going to have to chip in to help. It was a small price to pay, we thought. When my sister visited from Minneapolis, she bathed and dressed my mother. I administered their medications and helped with groceries. My brother took care of household issues. Still, my parents’ home, like my parents themselves, was in a constant state of disrepair.

That summer, my siblings and I joined the ranks of the 15 million or so unpaid and untrained family caregivers for older adults in this country. A recent study found that almost half of this largely invisible work force spends, on average, nearly 30 hours a week providing care to relatives, many of whom have dementia, an estimated more than $400 billion worth of annual unpaid time.

The work takes its toll. These sons, daughters, husbands and wives are at increased risk of developing depression, as well as physical and financial difficulties, including loss of job productivity. Being sick and elderly in this country can be terrifying. Having a sick and elderly loved one is often a full-time job.

As the workload increased, we hired help, as much for ourselves as for our parents. But after some items were stolen, we realized we had to be more careful about whom we allowed into our parents’ home. Older adults in this country lose almost $3 billion a year to theft and financial fraud. Nearly every week my father instructed us to donate money to someone who had sent him a generic email appeal. It fell on us to keep our parents from being exploited.

With millions of elderly adults requiring assistance with daily living, physicians should make it routine practice to ask family members whether they can provide the requisite care. Many of these potential caregivers, ill or stressed themselves, simply cannot.