Acting Prime Minister Winston Peters fired the entirety of Jacinda Ardern’s Cabinet shortly after taking the reins on Thursday morning, but this wasn’t reported until now as every political journalist in the country was eating snacks in the Auckland Hospital cafeteria.

It has taken a total of four days for the news to find its way to national headlines, and Peters says the move is now “old news” and that the media should “move on” and “find something else to get hysterical about.”

“Four. Days,” he reiterated, speaking from the Prime Minister’s podium at the Beehive this morning. “Four. Days. This is ancient history. Do you know what’s happened in this country since then? What’s that? No, of course you don’t. That’s not a surprise, I’ll tell you that.”

“We were at the hospital!” came several groans from the press pool.

“Well I’m sorry sunshine, I’m not answering questions about something that’s totally irrelevant now,” replied Peters. “Next question.”

“Isn’t it still relevant whether you fired the entire government?” asked Three political editor Tova O’Brien.

“Come on, Tova, you know this stuff. Try asking an honest question next time,” was the Acting PM’s response.

“Is there still a Cabinet?” asked TVNZ’s Corin Dann.

“Is there still a Cabinet?” scoffed Peters. “What is this nonsense? Of course there’s a Cabinet, alright?”

“Who’s in it?”

“Well, I’ll tell you one thing: I’m in it, and we had a very productive meeting this morning and if I were you, I’d be asking about that.”

The back-and-forth between the Acting Prime Minister and journalists continued, as it became increasingly clear that the Cabinet meeting in question had been a wide-ranging discussion between its only two remaining members: Peters and a bottle of GlenDronach.

Journalists are also working on confirming where the new capital of New Zealand is located, widely believed to now be Russell.