5 ways to stop feeling lonely (That’s sort of strange)

Loneliness sucks. Especially around the holidays when you see couples in every corner making out. When you’re single and don’t have many friends, it appears everyone around you is having the time of their life because they have someone they’re happy with.

In a way you’re happy for them, but still feel that sense of jealousy saying, “Why do they have someone while I’m alone?” You probably don’t even think about your loneliness until you see the lives of those around you whether it be on television, in person, or the internet. You notice the smile on their faces as they’re laughing with their friends. You yearn for the passion that couples share with one another.

That’s when you realize the lack of relationships you have in your life and this makes you feel abandoned with low self-esteem and appreciation.

This is what usually cause someone to mentally freak out whenever they’re alone and don’t have their cell phone to distract them. I see dozens and dozens of people playing on their cell phones in public to avoid feeling alone. I’m sure you’ve seen it too. They’re usually browsing on Facebook, Reddit, or their old text messages.

And I’m even guilty of this myself occasionally. Time does moves extremely slow whenever I don’t have my cell phone to Facebook stalk someone or read Cracked articles.

But we all experienced loneliness at some point in our lives, which is why we seek after friends or partner who can fill that gap. Those type of distractions keeps us from making false accusations about ourselves. As humans, distractions are normally used to prevent unwanted thoughts from appearing in our heads.

However, when you’re alone and question the reason to that, your brain likes to make strange assumptions. It’ll try to make sense as to why you’re feeling lonely, asking questions like, “Why am I feeling lonely? Is it because no one likes me? I knew I shouldn’t have eaten Sally’s fries. Now I’m going to be alone forever. Oohh, ice cream.”

It’s natural for your brain to try to make sense of a situation, but it’s not going to be correct every time because those thoughts deviate from your emotions. Just because you have no friends doesn’t mean you’re some strange science experiment gone wrong.

If you need support or human communication, simply reach out to someone in your contact list. Focus on connecting with only 1 person by initiating small conversations with them and actually speaking to them in person because it creates a stronger impact in your mind.

Heck, if it helps, use the chat room that’s on the bottom right screen and you’ll find someone who’s willing to speak to you. You might even find a group of people to chat with.

Unfortunately, everyone doesn’t have the luck of clicking their shoes together three times and wishing for a BFF to pop out of nowhere. (Nor would I suggest looking for tornadoes for the possibilities of being sent to Oz). Even I had trouble finding a true friendship because it was difficult finding someone who I could relate to. (And I don’t count having 500 Facebook friends as something to brag about either.) The odd part is the fact he’s a major extrovert while I’m an major introvert.

There’s is nothing to be ashamed of if you have a lack of friendships in your personal life. (Even though watching people with a raid of friends in about any sit-com doesn’t help your own self-esteem). The only time it becomes a burden is when you don’t have anyone to tell your problems to or share a great experience with. For others, they notice their loneliness when they look down at their cellphones with no new text messages or alerts.

Sure, you might have a family member, online communities, a neighbor, or some random person you sat by in the bus who doesn’t speak English. But it’s difficult, if not impossible, to tell someone everything that’s going on in your life because it’ll either create an awkward moment, or that person is part of your stress.

Not only do you have a desire to tell someone your problems, but you want them to truly understand what you’re going through. You crave for empathy and it increases daily. And then when you do find someone willing to listen to you, you end scaring them away because you’re shoving a mountain of emotions down their throat.

This is what creates a barrier between our thoughts and the external world. When you don’t have anyone to reach out to, that loneliness increases your pain because you start believing you’re an outcast trapped inside a mental ward. Not everyone is going to have a special person they could rant to about their problems and this makes life problems much more complicated.

Overall, eliminating the factors of loneliness takes a mixture of discovering people who you can relate to, and building a trust system with them. The list I provide below is meant to temporarily erase the feelings of loneliness. Because to truly overcome loneliness, you need to tackle a list of achievements (such as speaking to other people, trying new hobbies, being curious about other people lives, and all that other boring stuff.) But not everyone has the time for that and sometimes need a quick solution to get them moving. So here are 5 ways to stop feeling lonely.

1. Hang out with animals:

If you think watching cute cat videos could put a smile on your face, go find one either in the neighborhood or at an animal shelter. I know when I’m feeling down, a dog happy bark and tail wag cheers me up. Forget about humans and embrace the animal kingdom.

After finding that happy pet, hug it, pet it, or make silly noises to see how it’ll react to your strange behavior. That’s the great thing about animals. No matter how strange you act around them, they won’t negatively judge you. (Unless it’s a cat.) All they normally want is food and a loving attention.

The best part about hanging out with animals is that they improve your mood and health. How? Animals, especially if you make them your pet, are more likely to lessen or eliminate any depression you’re experiencing. Companionship isn’t important just to pets, but to the human taking care of them as well.

They also increase your chance to meet other people as you’re walking your dog, attending animal facilities, or trying to rescue your cat from a tree. (If you settle for having a fish, then I’d recommend telling people you have a miniature Sea World at your house. They might be curious to see it.)

2. Engage in your guilty pleasures:

Everyone has a secret pleasure they enjoy doing privately. (You know what I’m talking about….eating fattening ice cream in the middle of the night.) Some people prefer eating junk foods even though they claim to be a health nut. Some people like dancing in their underwear in the living room. Some men even enjoy watching Gilmore Girls or listening to Nsync or Backstreet boys. Embrace those weird traits without the worries of the judgmental world.

Do you know why it feels good to do something guilty from time to time? In the work of Drickamer & Vessey, they revealed that after the realization of doing something wrong, humans wanted to find a way to fix it.

A feeling of guilt tend to send people a desire to gain social acceptance, and therefore become more interested in the well-beings of others. (In other words doing something sorta bad makes you more sociable and polite in society). Don’t do anything crazy or break the law to get that guilty pleasure, but don’t neglect it.

So if a healthy person wants to eat ten cheeseburgers, that’ll give them the motivation to work out harder to correct that mistake. If you feel like watching trashy TV shows or watching nerdy movies, do it and think of yourself as having a double life.

Some people even like indulging in less guilty pleasures to avoid bigger guilty pleasures. An example would be someone occasionally gambling instead of cheating on their spouse. (Just be responsible and avoid pulling a Bonnie and Clyde.)

3. Cuddle with a teddy bear or pillow:

There’s nothing better than grabbing that stuffed animal and pulling it against you as you rest in bed. Besides being an excellent partner who doesn’t blab to you, a stuffed animal can relieve much of your anxieties. This is known as “hug therapy,” which a group of researchers discovered during their research at UV University Amsterdam.

What they suggested was that spooning with your stuffed animal actually helped you while dealing with depression and anxiety. Studies suggest that the power of touch, whether inanimate or real, help people with low-self-esteem in pampering their own virtues. This isn’t for people who are miserable or can’t get a date. It’s simply giving someone an external touch while laying down.

Another popular choice is spooning with a pillow size human. As weird as it sounds, this is actually a common secret many people keep to themselves. The average person isn’t going to admit to someone they like cuddling with their pillow. (I’m talking about in person rather than online to random people).

But when you don’t have someone lying close to you in bed or on your couch, you still need a substitution for comfort. Real or fake, humans require the power of touch. An effective mechanism is also imagining that pillow as your significant other or someone you want to date. (I normally like to pretend I’m snuggling with Princess Leia after blowing up the Death Star.)

4. Just start moving:

It doesn’t matter where you go. Go to the gym, walk around the neighborhood, or dance for no reason in your living room, or at work. Just moving your body engages your mind to focus on other areas rather than dwelling on how lonely you are.

As random as your brains is, it’s frequently very narrowed minded when it relates to your emotions. During the time you’re most alone, it questions why you’re not engaging with anyone. This then raises your level of insecurities and where you stand at in society. What your brain says may not be true, but it won’t help your self-esteem to the slightest.

So focus on other activities such as how tired your feet are the longer you dance on your boss’s desk. (Which will then bring your mind to think of an excuse for pulling that stunt.) You become what you think about, and if you’re thinking about a life with no friends or girlfriends, you’ll become miserable. (Who knows, maybe you’ll find someone who’ll want to join you in your little dance scheme.)

5. Shut the world out and take a daytime nap:

Nap times aren’t just for children or old people. The benefits of a daytime nap are quite amazing. Besides increasing your alertness and preventing yourself from burning out, naps improves your mood that lets you feel content with your well-being.

Throughout the day you’re constantly dropping your eyelids and wishing to take a quick nap under the sheets. (Especially after eating a big meal for lunch.) However, due to circumstances, we tend to back away from that habit. And in many cases, we can’t take a nap whenever we desire.

You can’t fall asleep at work because not too many bosses are fond of the naptime approach we picked up in preschool. But when you do find the time or a good place to hide from your boss, take a 20 minute nap.

According to Robert Stickgold, PhD and director of Harvard’s Center for Sleep and Cognition, he goes over the background on how naps increases your productivity. (But to give you the short version, he basically says that naps rules because it betters your memory and attitude all together). By nurturing your mind into a calmer state, you’ll find it much easier to engage with your own physical being and with others.

For more like these, check out:

Why You’re Still Lonely and What To Do To Fix It

The Harsh Truth That Makes Introverts Lives Miserable

How to Defeat Your Inner Critic