Today is the big day: the new Indiana Jones movie is here at last, bigger than ever, with new merchandise, toys, and even potato heads. What most people don't know, however, is that the classic Indy theme now comes with new lyrics. Apparently, John Williams writes lyrics for all his compositions—even while they won't be sung—as a way to keep them in character. Gizmodo has uncovered those lyrics after days of arduous investigation and heavy drinking, following up a scoop by Alex Balk. (Note: lyrics contain foul language.)


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Yes, lyrics. I know. Weird. We didn't know ourselves that the classic John Williams Indy theme song had lyrics, until we learned about it a few days ago in Alex's Tumblr page. According to Alex, Williams confessed in an Q&A with Radar Magazine that before he "composes a score he comes up with lyrics in his head first and then writes the music to them, even though he knows no one will ever hear the words." The iconic composer then went on to reveal the secret lyrics to Raiders of the Lost Ark to el Sr. Balk.


When asked about the veracity of this story, Alex declined to comment. The lyrics he posted sounded about right, but just a little bit off-beat at the end. I then chased the story like a fake LEGO boulder rolling behind an archeologist with a dog's name, and managed to get John Williams' assistant Alan Smithee to fax me the secret lyrics under condition of anonymity.

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The lyrics are very similar, but the last verse of the first strophe is actually the real one. This updated version also includes more verses, as well as new references to the Soviets in the movie, and beloved teen star Shia LaBeouf.

We debated internally about publishing the story, and we finally decided to share them with you in this video, as a sing-a-long. I hope you sing them today in the theaters, and they stay in your mind for the next five days—at least, that's what happened with me.


Enjoy.

[NOTE: needless to say, we made this thing up so you can sing along in the movie theaters (in your mind, that is. Whoever sings this next to me in the theater today gets smacked. Hey, we named our dog Jones after Indy.]