Transcript:

fourth in a series of government information brochures your government, working for you! attention, journalists: you have been designated an... enemy of the state your practice of journalism has been deemed contrary to the interests of the united states. therefore, all of your past communications have been seized and are being reviewed to find further evidence, co-conspirators, undesirables, and amazon purchases of questionable taste. information is state property. trying to find out what the government is doing is a criminal offense. to avoid prosecution, you are to report to a journalist re-education center, where you will be apprised of the following approved subjects for the exercise of freedom of the press: pets in jeopardy pets not in jeopardy, but extra cute white house press releases side boobs political gaffes local youths persons in possession of produce in shape of celebrity head off-the-record meetings1 hands-free hamburger-eating apparatuses sports bloopers humor in uniform nip slips numbered lists of pets, animals or sex tips jumble tm answers (upside-down only) do not encourage leaks. if a government employee tries to give you classified information, refuse it. and if it's placed in front of your face, avert your eyes. the government gave you freedom of the press. be grateful and cooperate, or we can take it away. 1. the existence, not the content, of