As a cyclist, I await spring with both longing and trepidation. With spring comes a whole new cast of characters, and some I haven’t seen since last year. Here are eight people you are bound to see pedaling along in the bike lane.

The Newbie Line Jumper: His Schwinn Collegiate weighs about 50 pounds, and he keeps it in first gear. For some confounding reason, he skips to the head of the line at every stoplight and make everyone pass him while he furiously pedals. Just wait your turn, Pee Wee.

The "Dude! I Just Got A Super Cool Fixie": Insensibly, he is using his morning commute to practice skid stopping—right behind you.

The Close Passer: You don’t hear her approach and only notice her once she is a hair’s breadth away. I don’t want to smell what you ate for breakfast. Use the traffic lane as a passing lane and stop scaring the shit out of me!

The Car Rage Cyclist: Every car in existence is an affront to this cyclist, and he screams and pounds on hoods for minor infractions. Hey, you are making us ALL look bad, and not everyone has the luxury of being able-bodied, you presumptuous jerk.

The Noise-Canceling Headphones User: I will let ear buds slide, but if your headphones are designed to cut out all background noise, you should not wear them while riding in traffic.

The Bike Dancer: Actually a sub-category of the headphones user, this cyclist is so moved by her music she feels the need to swerve in and out of traffic to the beat of the song. Honestly, I can't help but smile at her verve, but I cringe for her safety.

Mr. Machismo: Ladies, you know who I'm talking about. This slow-going gentleman cannot believe that a woman is riding a bike faster than him. As soon as you pass him, he sprints to catch up. Relax, guy, I’m sure you would be faster if your mountain bike tires were above 20 psi.

That Navy Pier Bike-Car: It is four people wide. Enough said. Get off our lakefront path.