Photo-Illustration: Vulture and Lucasfilm

For decades, we thought Yoda was very cute. And everyone could agree that Ewoks were cute, too, even if you thought their role in Return of Jedi was a bit of a cop-out. When the prequels debuted in 1999 with The Phantom Menace, most agreed that the bumbling idiot Gungan Jar Jar Binks, who was most likely meant to be cute and funny, was nothing more than an offensive racist caricature who went on to aid the rise of the Empire with a defining vote giving Chancellor Palpatine absolute power. Not cute.

Then, in 2017, Rian Johnson redefined the cuteness of Star Wars creatures by introducing puffin spinoffs called porgs. It seemed things couldn’t get cuter, but lo: The porg’s status as the cutest thing in a galaxy far, far away changed with the introduction of Baby Yoda in Disney+’s The Mandalorian. This isn’t a spoiler because it is quite obvious, but Baby Yoda is the cutest thing in the universe. He has made me see my soul, he has crushed my soul, and he has cured my soul.

Since Baby Yoda has obviously shaken up the cuteness status of Star Wars creatures, here’s the ultimate, post–Baby Yoda ranking of Star Wars creatures, from least cute to most cute. Note that this list includes no humanoids (with a few exceptions mostly because I wanted to complain about Gungans), and no droids. Just creatures — including the newest little guy from Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker.

31. Watto

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Watto, a Toydarian junk dealer who was Anakin’s slave owner, is an unfortunate creature because he’s an obvious collection of anti-Semitic stereotypes, including an obsession with money and a large nose. Watto has not aged well and received poor reception when The Phantom Menace came out in 1999. Those aside, Watto’s tiny wings, which have potential for cuteness, are in fact creepy, especially when paired with his dramatic underbite.

30. Tusken Raiders

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The first time I saw Attack of the Clones as a kid, I didn’t understand that I was supposed to be horrified that Anakin slaughtered a village of Tusken Raiders, who are scary and love sand. I thought it was a moment of victory, to be honest — especially because Padme married Anakin after he told her about it. Truly wonderful, the mind of a child is.

29. Gungans

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Gungans are flexible and strong warriors, but you only want to see them if an army of battle droids sent by a corporate organization called the Trade Federation is invading your shared homeland of Naboo and the human people who occupy Naboo, who are also called Naboo, aren’t prepared or trained for a fight of this scale. Gungans look like whoever was in charge of designing Gungans hated them as well, and gave up halfway through the design process, and somehow George Lucas was still impressed. Gungans also allowed Jar Jar Binks to represent them in the Galactic Senate, and his role led to the rise of the Empire. It’s not the Gungans fault that Jar Jar did this, but it is their fault that they allowed him to be a politician. It’s not a cute look for Gungans. This is all there is to say about Gungans.

28. Mynocks

These bad bat boys cause problems: They chew on starships and can drain all the power from them. I was going to say that they’re cute from some angles (they have huge mouths and a curly tail), but then I found out that they reproduce by splitting in two, growing new Mynocks from each half. I can’t even imagine how this could work.

27. Dianoga

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There is really nothing to say about the Death Star garbage-disposal monster, other than that it is absolute trash, just like where it lives.

26. Dugs

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While there are likely some pleasant Dugs out there somewhere, Sebulba gives his people a bad reputation. He is just as gross as he looks, and he looks like he is fresh out of a butthole.

25. Wampas

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Wampas might look like they’ll give you a warm hug, but they’re big spooky guys and not friendly at all. They have jagged yellow teeth and they will eat you slowly.

24. Hutts

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Don’t be deceived by those big, glossy eyes: Hutts are not pleasant. However, Hutt babies, called Huttlets, are kind of charming if you try not to think about how they’ll be Hutts one day.

23. Exogorths

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If you squint, this space slug — which almost ate the Millenium Falcon in The Empire Strikes Back — kind of looks like the Vineyard Vines whale. Cute?

22. Salacious B. Crumb

Salacious B. Crumb — a “Kowakian monkey-lizard,” according to Wookiepedia — is the not the first creature on this list who could be described as “fresh out of a butthole.” However, Salacious B. Crumb is the only creature on this list who is sorta cute despite that. His bad attitude (enthusiasm for watching people get eaten) lowers his ranking significantly, though.

21. Vulptex

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These little guys (and girls, I’m sure!), native to the mineral planet Crait, answer the question, “What if foxes but Swarovski crystals?”

20. Gigorans

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More glamorous than cute, these furry giants have better hair than any human being ever will, including — and I can’t believe I’m saying this — Connie Britton.

19. Regular Yoda

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Yoda is cute when he’s pretending to be stupid and causing a disturbance, like when Luke first arrives on Dagobah in The Empire Strikes Back. Yoda is not cute, however, when he is trying to be smart, like in the prequels when he’s supposed to be the wisest Jedi who ever lived but can’t figure out that Chancellor Palpatine, a secret Sith lord, is basically his manager.

18. Bobbajo

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This sleepy fella only appears briefly on Jakku in The Force Awakens, but he’s still an icon.

17. Lanai Caretakers (a.k.a. the Fish Nuns)

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These mysterious, hardworking fish nuns who live on Ahch-To look like they’d send me to detention for wearing ankle socks, but we love them all the same.

16. Rancor

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I know, I know — but he is so ugly and squishy that he is cute. With a more consistent eating schedule (i.e., not just a random person whenever Jabba the Hutt feels like killing someone), he could be a friend.

15. Banthas

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Banthas are obviously what happens when a mammoth, a platypus, and a collie have a baby that grows to be 15 feet tall. It’s unfortunate that they allow Tusken Raiders to ride them, but now that I say that I realize they probably don’t have a choice.

14. Wookies

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Wookies are exactly like Ewoks (see below) but potentially better at the game of basketball, because they’re tall.

13. Eopies

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I didn’t have to do any research to know that Eopies, which are native to the desert planet Tatooine, were created when George Lucas said, “What if anteaters had long legs?” They should be available as transportation in real life and in all climates.

12. Varactyls

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These lizard friends are as cute as they are loyal (a Varactyl helped Obi-Wan escape execution via Order 66!), but if I’m being frank, I’d rather hear a car alarm go off for 20 minutes while I’m trying to watch HBO on a Sunday night than hear its deafening screech at any time.

11. Blurrgs

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You know what they say: tiny hands, big heart.

10. Thala-Sirens

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Commonly known as the green milk guys, Taha-Sirens are large marine mammals native to Ahch-To. They’re so weird-looking with their large flippers, long snouts, and large udders that produce the unnatural-looking (but apparently very nutritious) milk that they are cute. Thala-Sirens have just enough gross elements that they’re endearing.

9. Happabore

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This absolute unit is cute and thirsty, therefore it understands how I feel about Kylo Ren. Finn’s disgust after tasting the water from the Happabore’s fountain confirms that the Happabore has a nasty backsplash. The Happabore should probably stop drinking from public fountains with those nostrils, so I’d like to formally invite it to live in my home, where it is free to drink New York City tap water directly from my kitchen sink whenever it wants. But I will be giving it a bath.

8. Jawas

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Jawas are annoying, and we’ve never seen their faces beyond the hood. But they have tiny yellow eyes and make high-pitched noises, which is cute. Is it rude that they capture droids like our beloved R2-D2 and C-3PO, then sell them for profit? Yes, but everybody has to make a living.

7. Fathiers

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Fathiers got everything you need to achieve complete cuteness in a galaxy far, far away: big ears, sad face, teeny teeth.

6. Ewoks

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Ewoks are cute albeit vicious teddy bears, as down for guerilla warfare as they are for an impromptu, seemingly well-planned (and very well-attended) party hours after said guerilla warfare. They’re cute but kind of annoying, and their blind faith in C-3PO is not a good look for them. Still, we’d party with them.

5. Max Rebo

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What strangers on the sidewalks of Brooklyn who demand to know the name of my “very sad looking” dog don’t know is that he is named after Max Rebo, the Ortolan leader of the Max Rebo Band. Max Rebo, a snuggly and blue elephant-looking dude who, like my dog of the same name, always looks very sad. Perhaps a lot of that melancholy comes from having witnessed some pretty horrific stuff in his time leading the house band at Jabba’s palace, including watching people get eaten alive by the Rancor.

4. Tauntauns

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These arctic kangaroo-lizard friends with resting confused face smell even worse on the inside than they do on the outside. But when they confidently hop across their snowy home of Hoth? You forget about the smell because you love to see it.

3. Porgs

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These sea-dwelling birds native to the planet Ahch-To are the only thing everyone can agree on about The Last Jedi. Porgs have the curiosity of babies, but when you look into their eyes, you know they’ve seen more than you ever will. And most importantly, they make a cute little chirp which make me squeal every single time it happened when I saw The Last Jedi in theaters. Porgs were created to cover up the vast puffin population on the island of Skellig Michael where the Ahch-To scenes were shot. To any puffins reading this blog: I would like to formally thank you for your service.

2. Babu Frik

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Babu Frik is cute for three reasons: Babu Frik is sooooo small, soooo smart, and sooooo wrinkly. Babu Frik — one of the highlights of the busy and mostly disappointing The Rise of Skywalker — also has a high, squeaky voice, and speaks a language that only Keri Russell understands, which is obviously adorable. More Babu Frik and less Palpatine, please.

1. Baby Yoda

Photo: Lucasfilm

The way he move, the way he cry, the way he help, the way he nap, the way he eat frog, the way he eat soup, the way he stare. Die for him, we would.