Yesterday we posted our first set of tips for better sex in 2019. Here are some more ideas for resolutions you can make to increase your pleasure and passion this year.

Be Open To New Takes On Pleasure & Sex

As kids arrive or relationships mature, sexual satisfaction typically declines.

But recent studies suggest this decline is not inevitable and variety is the one of the single best predictors of sexual happiness over the long term for both men and women.

Dr. Debby Herbenick is an Associate Research Scientist at the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University, a sexual health educator for the Kinsey Institute, and an author of six books on sex and love.



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Her suggested resolution for those of us wanting to nurture lasting passion is this: “To be open to the possibility of being surprised, by yourself and your partner(s).”

She recommends couples mix it up and stay open to change, possibility, and new takes on pleasure and sex.

“The idea being that just because we know one way to be pleasured or to experience orgasm doesn’t mean we have to do it the same way every time,” she says. “And just because you or a partner didn’t like a certain style of touching or a certain sex act 5 years ago doesn’t mean you or they feel that way now.”

Masturbate! Masurbate! Masturbate!

For women struggling with lack of orgasm or wanting to intensify your orgasms during partner sex, “Masturbate! Masurbate! Masturbate!”, says Dr. Laurie Mintz, Professor at the University of Florida and author of Becoming Cliterate and A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex.

Research consistently shows an orgasm gap between heterosexual men and women. Couples can try a variety of things to help close this gap such oral sex, new positions, or acting out fantasies. But the key to more pleasure is knowing your body, including what feels good and what doesn’t.



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“Pleasure yourself to learn what you enjoy, including with your hands and a clitoral vibrator,” says Mintz. “And then get this same type of stimulation during sex with a partner.” This is essential to achieving orgasm, she says. And if you’re single, enjoy the solo time!

No More Service Sex

Wednesday Martin has been a writer and social researcher of sexuality in New York City for two decades. She is also the author of seven books including UNTRUE: Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust, and Adultery is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free.

She says that for women especially, taking responsibility for our own pleasure, and making it a priority in our sexual encounters, is more urgent than ever.

“Too often, women in heterosexual partnerships are having ‘service sex’ with their male partner. Doing it to keep the peace, check it off the to do list, or because he wants it,” Martin says. “No More Service Sex!!”



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We know from research that long term relationships and partner familiarity are harder on female desire than on male desire, advises Martin, revealing this insight about female sexuality: “Women who seem to have gone off sex have often just gone off sex with the same person over and over.”

She wants women and men to understand women’s need for variety and novelty and find a way to meet it. Her book UNTRUE has many recommendations based on data. “Ladies, your mantra for 2019: female pleasure yes, no more service sex.”

Talk More About Your Sexual Fantasies

If you’re open to experimenting with something new, sexual fantasies may be the place to start.

Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute and author of the book Tell Me What You Want, says resolving to talk more about your sexual fantasies in the new year has the potential to improve both your sex life and relationship.

“What I have found in my own research is that the people who share and act on their sexual fantasies report being the most sexually satisfied, they have the fewest sexual problems, and they are the happiest in their relationships and marriages,” says Lehmiller.

He studied more than 4,000 Americans and discovered several common sexual fantasies such as experimenting with sex toys or trying sex in a new place or position. Bondage, group sex, and other interpersonal dynamics also turned people on.

“Sharing your fantasies is easier said than done, though,” he advises. He offers practical tips and guidelines in his new book for talking about your desires with your partner—and maybe even bringing them to life in 2019.

What tips resonated the most with you? Is there one way in which you will prioritize pleasure this year? Let us know in the comments below.