BIG PINE KEY, FL—Needing to put up or shut up after that cocky display, a dive-bombing osprey had better emerge from the ocean with something awesome to show for it, onlookers said Wednesday. “After a flashy, high-velocity move like that, we need to see some big-time results,” said bird watcher Lucas Bricker, adding that if it wanted the entire beach to stop everything and watch it plunge straight down into the water at 60 mph, it was only fair to expect a massive payoff. “I wanna see a big, meaty flounder in those talons, or this whole fucking production was for nothing. Seriously, if you’re not going to surface with the goods, you might as well not surface at all.” At press time, the osprey triumphantly took to the skies with some seaweed stuck to its beak.

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