ABC

Ohh no. I have already become disillusioned with Corinne. That didn’t last long at all. So, at the beginning of the episode, Corinne dresses up like a less-sexy Carmen Sandiego in a trench coat and what looks like a bra from Victoria’s Secret Pink. “I definitely know how to turn on the sex charm,” says Corinne, sounding an awful lot like an alien masquerading as a human woman. Naturally, she proceeds to lie down on a giant bean bag and squirt Reddi Wip (OR WAS IT? I COULDN’T TELL BECAUSE OF THE SMALL PIECE OF RED CRAFT TAPE COVERING THE WORD “REDDI.” GOOD WORK, PROPS DEPARTMENT!) on her clavicle and Nick slurps it off. Nick basically says “I wonder how I can get away with banging Corinne without getting cyberbullied by middle-aged women on Instagram.” He can’t, it turns out, and Corinne legitimately starts crying because of this. Holy hell, girl. This is where Corinne goes from “Hahaha this is so funny because she’s just trying to be the villain!” to “Oh no, she thinks the only thing about her that matters is her sexuality and now she’s panicking because Nick is rejecting the only part of her personality that she’s been made to believe is worthwhile. Darn it, society!” Corinne then sobs herself to sleep like a baby that’s being sleep trained and MISSES THE ROSE CEREMONY. I know it wasn’t supposed to be a power move, but it kind of was?? Why hasn’t anyone ever tried this before? Moving on. Things only get worse for Corinne when she has to participate in “planned dancing” and is somehow unable to follow an extraordinarily simple Thriller-looking routine. She cries again and OH NO, Corinne is not fun to make fun of at all! She is very insecure and is too young for this show and I think her sexually aggressive behavior borders on predatory (which might be symptomatic of some deeper #issues) and she is an adult woman with a nanny - still, still, still, none of this information warrants some of the responses from the other girls. I am VERY BORED of people saying that Corinne (and other Corinne-esque ladies) are not “wife material.” Here is a quiz: are you a breathing human person who is made of organs and blood and plasma? Congratulations, you are made of wife material. Like, do I think Corinne is mature enough to get married? Nah! Do I think she should be condemned to a life of spinsterhood alone with her cheese pasta to punish her for making out with a boy in a bouncy castle? Nah! Why does she need to take so many naps? Does she have mono? I actually am a little worried about her health. I hope she gets sent home soon so Raquel can feed her lemon salad until she’s back at full-force.