As a Western expat, Singapore affords many modern luxuries that, on paper, are hard to turn down. Its access to exotic locales, new condos, safety and stellar transportation systems make it an ideal spot to settle down. The tropical setting allows winter-weather dwellers across the world to bathe themselves in sunlight all year long. Easing into the comfort Singapore provides, people end up staying longer than initially expected. One can benefit from a faster career trajectory in Asia, while enjoying the familiarity of their former Western life. Travel to Thailand or Bali, a trip some people plan years in advance, is only a short flight away on a week’s notice. Couples can hire live-in helpers to take care of their children and chores, while enjoying romance without responsibility again. Why would someone ever leave this paradise?

Having lived in Singapore for 2.5 years, I am often asked about my experience. For people I run into from high school or family friends that inquire about my time abroad, my response is always the same. If I were an email system, this would be my template out-of-office reply:

“Singapore is a really easy place to live. It’s great for travel. I went to destinations I never thought I would ever explore. I booked beach getaways the week I wanted to leave. I’ve been able to go to Bali four times. Singapore itself is super safe and has a great transportation system. There are so many cultures and food options. You can explore various cultures just by going to different parts of the city. The weather is consistent as well — 85 degrees all year round: humid, but not as hot as Texas in the summer. There are a lot of expats, but all the locals are really nice as well.”

My description above duly illustrates the “on paper” life I had in Singapore. However, to my friends and the people that know me well, I share the reality:

“Singapore is a small island. I traveled once or twice a month because if I didn’t, I would die from boredom. Singapore is so safe, it made me stupid. When I travelled to other places, I had to remind myself to keep my guard up. When I first arrived, I explored various cuisines often, only to realize the huge amounts of MSG, hormone-filled meat upset my digestive tract quite regularly. I switched to eating at only a handful of restaurants that guarantee organic ingredients. The weather never changes — hot, humid all year round. Rains everyday for two hours. It’s a nightmare for a naturally curly-haired girl trying to control her frizz. [Spoiler alert: I never won the battle]. All the expat guys are looking to get laid. And do. A lot. People are really honest. My male co-workers tell me “you look tired” quite often. It’s their nice way of telling me I need more makeup.”

Singapore is ideal for new couples, families and men. It’s hard being a single, white, female expat. At work, management is dominated by men and women are generally soft-spoken. The climate causes incessant sweating. As soon as you walk outside your air-conditioned bubble, your makeup falls off your face. You find yourself perpetually stuck in a bad hair day. It’s impossible to feel attractive.

Walking through the financial district, the streets are brimming with 30-year-old, professional expats. At first glance, Singapore looks like a prime dating scene. However, you quickly learn a new set of dynamics are at play….

Imagine you are a single, 27-year-old man from Europe, America or Australia. Your company has sent you to Singapore on a two-year assignment, fully paid apartment and you have no other major expense, aside from food and alcohol. You know two years in Asia will grant you any job you want back home. While you are here, you might as well experience all that Singapore has to offer. After all, who doesn’t love a good story for your mates back home?

You become more adventurous. You decide to hike a volcano in Indonesia or run a marathon at Angkor Wat in Cambodia. Naturally, your tastes begin to change. You choose to explore more exotic cuisines. Why go for some simple mac and cheese, when Pad Thai is on the menu? Sure, the mac and cheese is great, a taste of home, but you are only in Asia for a limited time. Instead, you want try all the local flavors. Chili crab, Korean barbecue, pho, sushi — whatever you want, it’s all in Singapore for your tasting. There is so much to try, even the best cuts of white meat aren’t on your radar.

On the other hand, single white males are the hottest, rarest item on the menu. Suddenly, the guys who weren’t considered attractive in their home countries have women of all cultures vying for their attention. The white male transplant, a cunning species, plays this truth to his advantage. He doesn’t have to try — he can let the women come to him. One night, I remember standing at a bar with a friend waiting for a drink. I look over my shoulder and spot a relatively attractive man ten feet away from me. He smiles. I suggest to my friend that we go chat with him and his buddy after we get our drinks. No more than three minutes later, I turn around and this man has five girls swarming him. I didn’t even have a chance.

Dating in Singapore is like dating on the The Bachelor

All the time.

Twenty-five girls competing for one white guy, even if he is a jerk. Ladies with pristine makeup, hair, outfits and nails surround the viable candidate. They giggle at his jokes, touch his arms and try to pull him to a corner to have a “deep conversation.” Only one lucky girl will get the Fantasy Suite invite. Who will it be?

This situation did not bode well for me in Singapore: frizzy hair tied into a bun on top of my head, sweat dripping down my face from the humidity and wearing normal, everyday clothes because…it’s a Tuesday.

Personally, I have never been fond of The Bachelor franchise. I watch a lot of reality TV, but this show has never appealed to me. Give me Flavor Flav or Bret Michaels on VH1 any day. At least the of Love girls have enough respect for the viewers to put on an entertaining show.

A few years ago, my old roommate made me begrudgingly watch the series with her. While someone was clearly faking their tears, I came to a glaringly obvious conclusion….I will never win The Bachelor. A few reasons:

I bite my nails.

I am not bubbly. I lead with sarcasm and insults.

I don’t think a first date should require a prom dress. Or a tight-fitting cocktail dress and 5-inch heels.

I can’t hide my disdain for people. No matter how cute someone is, if he is uninteresting or I get a douchebag vibe, I move on.

I don’t have a good poker face when it comes to annoying conversations. I choose not to be apart of superficial conversations for more than 6 minutes. It reads all over my face.

Saying all of this makes it sound like I never dated in Singapore, which is not true. While there was a shallow, crowded pool, I jumped in anyway. Dating in Singapore was one of the best and the worst experiences. I learned early on that I either had to woo a guy who had just moved to Asia (and didn’t realize his commodity status) or date a guy who’s been in Asia a while (and just wants some mac and cheese).

More importantly, I learned:

It’s okay to make the first move.

Who cares if he rejects you or picks someone else.

If a guy is a jerk, don’t be with him — even if the available options are slim.

Although I’ve moved away from the country, I take these lessons with me. No matter where I live, dating will be hard and, at sometimes, humiliating. Two and half years of bad dates and would-be romances, Singapore gave me a crash course in how to get over it and get out there.