BREAKING: Satan to Award Slayer with Gold Watch for Lifetime of Service

HELL – Local Angel of Darkness, Satan, gifted metal icons Slayer with an 18-karat gold watch as a thank you for their 37 years of exceptional service following their final show in Los Angeles Saturday night, underworld sources confirmed.

“I’m touched and honestly a little surprised,” said vocalist Tom Araya. “The devil is usually pretty cheap, for our 25 year anniversary we only got to pick between some shitty Coby-brand DVD player and a set of rolling luggage, so this really is something special.”

When questioned about the gesture, the usually unforgiving Antichrist asked to excuse himself as he believed he “has something in his eye.”

This is a breaking news story. More updates to follow.

Article by Jason Crews and The Hard Times Staff. Photo by Chris Bavaria @ChrisBavaria.