stadiums, fireworks, then/now/whatever

KO: Imma beat Goldberg because I can wrestle for a long time and he can't

UNIVERSE: yeah but what about Jericho

KO leaves

ENZO & CASS enter

E&C: SAWWWWWWFT

C&S: LAAAAAAAAAAME

E&C win

ENZO: we won and you suck

SHEAMUS: an idiot says what

ENZO: what

SHEAMUS brogue kicks ENZO in the face

UNIVERSE: THANK YOU SHEAMUS

VINCE: dammit

KO is backstage

MICK: you're gonna fight Sami

KO: k but I'm gonna hurt him

MICK: k

ROMAN: hey Mick

CLUB: hey Roman, wanna fight again

MICK: sure if Roman finds a partner

ROMAN: nah I got this

MICK: k

suddenly purple ropes

THE BRIAN enters angrily

TOZAWA enters normally

THE BRIAN: shake my hand

TOZAWA: nah

TOZAWA: well

TOZAWA: k

THE BRIAN: too slow

THE BRIAN chokes TOZAWA out

ROMAN: I’m pretty strong

COLE: ONE VERSUS ALLLLLLLLL

CLUB: time to beat you up so you can overcome things

ROMAN: oh look a chair, time to overcome things

ROMAN overcomes things

NEW DAY: we're gonna host WrestleMania, insert smarky jokes, ice cream machine plans are on an iPad now

NEW DAY'S iPAD: well I'm doomed

LANA: I'm Russian so I hacked your iPad and now I have the plans on my iPad

LANA'S iPAD: well I'm doomed

NEW DAY'S iPAD: probably

NEW DAY: give us the plans

LANA: nah

XAVIER actually rips LANA's iPad in half

LANA'S iPAD: welp

NEW. DAY wins. NEW. DAY wins.

COLE: George "The Animal" Steele was awesome and nothing about this is funny

suddenly purple ropes and some tea and biscuits and GALLAGHER

GALLAGHER: Imma beat Neville

GALLAGHER signs contract

NEVILLE enters and signs contract and lea-

GALLAGHER: have some tea

NEVILLE: everyone thinks you're silly

GALLAGHER: don't care, I'm a gentleman

GALLAGHER and NEVILLE fight because contract signing

NIA: I'm not like most girls

JOBBER: k but

NIA kills JOBBER

NIA: I want a title shot

UNIVERSE: k

BAYLEY: I wanted to win the belt when I was like 6 and now I did, so that's awesome, and I'm not giving up the belt

STEPH comes out to be a heel

STEPH: give up the belt because you're a role model and stuff

BAYLEY: well-

SASHA: she means nah

BAYLEY: actually Steph's right I'm giving up the belt JK LOL NO I'M NOT

suddenly CHARLOTTE

CHARLOTTE: that's fine, I'll just beat you for it at Fastlane

SASHA: shut up and fight me

CHARLOTTE: k

SASHA and CHARLOTTE fight, suddenly DANA, BAYLEY stops her, SASHA wins

INTERVIEWER: you're fighting KO for the umpteenth time next Sami

SAMI: yeah but Samoa Joe though, anyway imma go fight

suddenly JOE

UNIVERSE: wow what a surprise

JOE kills SAMI, SAMI still wants to fight KO because he is an idiot, KO kills SAMI

STEPH: I'm a heel and I'm pretty mad at you, Mick

MICK: I'm a face and I'm pretty mad at you, Steph

COLE is interviewing BORK and HEYMAN

COLE: so can you beat Goldberg

HEYMAN: Bork's gonna take your chair

BORK takes COLE's chair and stares into the camera for three straight minutes

HEYMAN: Bork's gonna beat Goldberg

BORK eats COLE, the chair, and your soul

BRAUN: I'm very big

BIG SHOW: I am also very big

a large amount of beef ensues

BIG SHOW: chokeslam?

BRAUN: nah

BIG SHOW: superplex from the top rope?

BRAUN: nah

BIG SHOW: then surely my knockout punch will -

BRAUN: dude, nah, because I have to look strong so Roman can look strong when he beats me, so powerslam

BRAUN wins

ROMAN: not even gonna wait for your music, now beat me up so I can look strong when I beat you

BRAUN: k

BRAUN kills ROMAN

COLE: COULD THAT BE THE FATE OF ROMAN AT FASTLANE

VINCE: nah