Boris, a 55 year old from New York, is today telling his daddy, Stanley, that he has a sore tummy and can’t go to his interview with Andrew Neil.

“I do enjoy picking on Jeremy in the playground but Andrew Neil is a much bigger boy, please daddy don’t make me have to talk to him,” cried Boris. “He will just steal my pocket money and reveal that I am about to take the UK out of the EU with no deal next year as it is completely infeasible to negotiate a trade deal in that time frame, he is a bully!”

Other classmates of Andrew Neil have suggested he is a bully, such as Nicola from Irvine. “Not only did I have double Maths on Monday but Andrew Neil told me my shoes were rubbish and completely exposed the economical plan for an independent Scotland, he is a bad bad boy.”

Jo from Glasgow, who is facing detention for creating misleading graphs in Computing, has claimed she is not scared of Andrew Neil. “I know that I stated last week I could be class president despite everyone hating me, and I know I failed my public speaking exam last week, but no matter what Nigel and Nicola says, I am the third most popular person in class, I am I am.”

Jeremy, 70 from Chippenham, was left crying after encountering Andrew Neil yesterday in the cafeteria. When teachers asked them to say sorry to each other Jeremy refused to do so, thus perpetuating the rumours he has actually bullied Andrew Neil in the past.