As a sort of catch-all term for a host of both visible and invisible conditions, disability can refer to any type of chronic impairment that causes someone's mind or body to work outside what’s typically expected—so anything from depression to lupus to cerebral palsy. No two conditions or individual experiences are the same, so all disabilities come with their own host of unique challenges—especially when it comes to dating and letting someone know what exactly they might be signing up for.

I’m autistic, and at 25, I’ve had to describe what that means to my fair share of romantic partners, but the hardest part about having that conversation is always deciding when to disclose that information. Should you include it in your profile, and risk turning off a bunch of potential matches before they even finish reading your bio? Do you wait until the first date? Try to bring it up in casual conversation before an in-person meeting?

The trouble with Tinder

Not that dating’s ever been particularly easy, but now that apps represent the most common way couples meet, you could make the case it’s more fraught than ever. For people with disabilities, that’s especially true. When everyone is making snap judgments as they swipe their way through potential matches, something as insignificant as a poorly-framed picture can be enough cause for someone to say thank you, next. To someone unfamiliar, including a disability on your dating profile could prompt someone to swipe left immediately, or may invite unwarranted curiosity about a disabled person’s sexuality.

On the other hand, getting it out in the open as early as possible means you don’t waste time on folks who can’t see past the label and potentially saves you from an uncomfortable or painful conversation later on. It’s for that reason that Jeffrey Lane, a car detailer who’s autistic, writes about his autism in his profile to help ease people into it.

Online and in my career, I’m openly autistic, but when it comes to romance, I tend to have in-depth discussions about my autism with partners only on a need-to-know basis. However, the internet reveals my disability status after a simple search of my name, so I either have to initiate the autism conversation early on, or pray that whoever I’m out to dinner with mentions it because they Googled me and are excited to have a conversation about it with me.

Similarly, Lance Allred, the first deaf person to play in the NBA, has 80% hearing loss. Allred uses dating apps, but he doesn’t mention his hearing loss, hoping he can connect with someone who won’t be judgmental prior to meeting in person. His hearing loss also means he chooses quiet restaurants for first dates where he can initially read lips.

Wait until it comes up naturally

Others use more straightforward approaches with varying degrees of success. Bill Wong, an autistic occupational therapist, has been unlucky in sharing his disability on dating apps, recalling an instance where he mentioned his autism after four or five messages in with a woman, only to have her cut him off immediately afterwards. Josh Galassi, a public relations account executive, has cerebral palsy and adopts a similar approach to Wong, choosing to wait until there’s a little bit of rapport built up. “I like to wait because I feel like as soon as someone hears the word ‘disabled,’ they immediately assume things or have an image in their head for what that looks like,” Galassi says.

On the other hand, delaying the inevitable conversation until you’re face-to-face can be just as daunting as telling them beforehand, depending how much a person considers disability to be part of their identity.