Releasing Summer 2017

The alarm clock went off at seven o’clock the next morning and I didn’t even remember setting it. Did I have anything to do today? Maybe Jim set it for some reason. I was rubbing my eyes when I realized what song was being played in order to awaken us.

“Girl, you know it’s true ooh, ooh, ooh I love you

Yes, you know it’s true ooh, ooh, ooh I love you”

“Are you friggin’ kidding me?” I said out loud. They were exposed as frauds…like…thirty years ago. Who the hell is playing Milli Vanilli?

“Babe, turn off the alarm.” I said as I pulled the covers over my head.

The song mercifully came to an end but the radio was still on. Jim must have gotten up before the alarm went off and was in the bathroom or kitchen. I was too tired to make the effort of rolling over and shutting it off so I tried to fall back asleep as the obnoxious DJ rambled on and introduced the latest from the B-52’s “their newest single, Roam!”

I started to doze and then my eyes flew open. The B-52’s? Their latest single, Roam?” No. I’m dreaming. Go back to sleep.

Someone started pounding on the door.

“What the hell is going on?” I said as I threw the blankets to the side and reached over to turn the radio off.

“Oh my God!” The alarm clock I was looking at was ancient. Circa 1980’s ancient.

I sat up, head pounding, looking around me. Straight ahead of me was my old stereo, complete with state-of-the-art tape deck and turntable. The pounding on the bedroom door continued…the door to the bedroom I lived in as a teenager in Orange County.

“Oh my God, Brianna, open the door already!” It was fourteen or fifteen year old Caelum. Crackly, changing voice and all. “I need my Angel’s jersey and I know you took it. Give it back!”

Here we go again.

Orange County, 1989

I sat on the bed with my head in my hands, trying to stop myself from crying. Why does this keep happening? First I go to bed in 2013 and wake up in 1997; then I go to bed in 1997 and wake up in 2015. Now I’m waking up in…in…I knew it was definitely 1980-something as I was sitting in the bedroom I occupied during my late teens living in Capistrano Beach. I looked around the room and spotted a calendar with pictures of animals dressed as people pinned to the wall. It was 1989!

Thankfully, Caelum stopped pounding on the door so I threw myself back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. This happens every time I get my life together. According to my psychic from 2015, Katrina, it seems as if the Universe or God or whomever is trying to teach me something. If that is the case, I wish the lessons could be taught in such a way that didn’t involve a time warp. I was beginning to fear going to sleep. What if I wake up as someone totally different? Someone knocked on the door.

“Brianna, your brother is whining to me about his jersey. Will you please give it back to him so he’ll stop aggravating me?” It was my mother.

“I’m not whining!” I heard Caelum whine.

Oh my God, I can’t relive this. I want so badly to go back to my old life or at the very least stop waking up in different dimensions.

“Will the two of you please shut up!” And there was my dad.

I jumped out of bed and, remembering where my closet was, dug around and found the jersey Caelum was obsessing over. What I was doing with his jersey is a question for the ages since I’ve never given a damn about sports. One of them was knocking on my door again so I yelled at them to stop and swung it open. I gasped when I saw my mother. She couldn’t have been more than forty-five years old; maybe even the same age I was the night before when I went to bed with Jim back in Manhattan. Before 1997 excursion.

“What is wrong with you?” she asked as I stared at her.

“Give me that.” Caelum demanded as he ripped the shirt from my hand then added, “Quit stealing my stuff you dork!”

“I…I didn’t steal anything.” This was even more bizarre than my other two trips. I literally felt myself shrinking into the shy and awkward weirdo that I was in my teens.

I watched Caelum storm into his room and slam the door while my mom walked toward the kitchen screaming at Caelum to stop slamming doors leading my father to yell at everyone to shut up again.

I walked into my bathroom and was reminded of how I had the pleasure of sharing it with my brother. His underwear and clothes were strewn all over the floor along with a towel he had obviously just used. I had forgotten what a pig he was while growing up. I took the liberty of throwing all of his things in the hamper then examined myself in the mirror the same way I had the other times. I felt as if I was looking at the face of a child. I’ve always had a youthful looking face, even into middle age but at the age of eighteen I could have easily passed for fifteen, especially when not wearing makeup.

Checkers, my old tabby-Persian strolled in and rubbed herself against my leg. I picked her up and buried my face in her long, soft fur. I struggled to think back to what I had been doing during this time. I was done with high school so at least I wouldn’t be subjected to that nightmare. I tried to think of where I may have been working then groaned when I realized that I worked for my psychotic uncle Steven cleaning offices. Instead of getting a normal day job I took an off hours job cleaning in order to start preaching full time to please my parents. Well, that’s one change I’m making while here.

1989 was also the year that I met and briefly dated Jim. I wished I knew when that was, exactly.

I decided I wasn’t going to hang around here a minute longer. Each time I was sent to a different decade of my life I managed to change something for the better but I never stuck around long enough to really experience the outcome. Maybe…just maybe…this time will be different?

I turned on the radio to listen to something as I got ready and Paula Abdul’s Opposites Attract came on so I shut it off. Rummaging through my closet, I found a decent pair of jeans that weren’t acid wash and had no pleats; threw on a plain black t-shirt and decided against a jacket since all of them had shoulder pads. First thing I was going to do when I got home was rip every shoulder pad off of every piece of clothing in that closet. I grabbed my car keys and as I passed Caelum’s room I could hear him listening to Vanilla Ice. Poor kid. Milli Vanilli, Paula Abdul, and Vanilla Ice…I had forgotten how bad some of the music was in 1989.

I forgot how long it took my little Honda to warm up. That car could be sitting in the middle of the equator and it would still take at least ten minutes to warm up. Eventually, I started driving in the direction of my cousin Marie’s house. Luckily I remembered where she lived as my family spent an inordinate amount of time there; my mother’s side of the family were oddly clannish. On this day, my reason for driving to that neighborhood had to do with Jim. When we met he was working for a couple, Craig and Roseanne, who lived a street or two away from Marie’s house. Craig ran a small business out the garage of his house and hired Jim to work with him part-time while he went to Saddleback College. When Jim first introduced himself to me at our church, as an opening line he used the fact that he saw me drive by a few times and asked if I was one of Craig and Roseanne’s neighbors. I was almost giddy at the thought that someone as good-looking as he was noticed me driving around the neighborhood.

Capistrano Beach (aka Capo Beach) is…you guessed it…a small beach town that is part of the city of Dana Point. As of this writing, the population of Capo Beach is roughly around seven thousand. Since so much building has been done throughout Southern California over the past years I’m sure it’s safe to say that the population was lower than that in 1989. The first time I lived here I got to know the side streets inside and out in order to avoid Interstate 5 (the 5 freeway). On this day, I wasn’t about to attempt the maze of narrow, serpentine streets. I hopped on the 5 freeway and got off at the very next exit; Camino de Estrella. I turned on to the street where I remembered my cousin lived and drove slowly, trying to read the signs for the side streets which were, not only minuscule, but mostly covered by trees. I approached a street called Calle Dolores. That’s it! That was the street where Craig and Roseanne lived. I was pretty sure I’d recognize the house when I came across it. I turned on to Calle Dolores and drove for not even two minutes before I spotted Jim loading up the work truck parked in the driveway. I instinctively wanted to duck out of sight but remembered that I was driving. As I passed the house, I looked in the rearview mirror and could see that he was watching me drive off. My heart was pounding and at the same time I felt a smile cross my face. He noticed me.

I couldn’t tell you what possessed me to do that…actually, that’s a lie. When I traveled to 2015 Jim and I became very close. Before my arrival we had already been living together for a while but were going through a rough patch so things were a little strained. On top of that, I had skipped over the years between 1998 and 2014, so I basically entered into a life about which I knew nothing and I found out that the person whose life I was living was not a very nice one. In time, we worked through things and were able to restore the spark that initially brought us together. I had the chance to get to know him as a full-grown man who was considerate, fun, and handsome beyond belief. Before that, I only knew him as a nineteen year old and then for a very short time as a twenty-seven year old in 1997. I grew to really care about him and began wondering what would have happened if our brief teen romance hadn’t been shut down by my parents. What if this expedition had to do with that? I’m sure there was also more to it than that. Eighteen was the start of a particularly rough time for me. Turning eighteen is normally a milestone for most people but for me, the battle for control over my own life had just begun and it would get very ugly.

Part of me was tempted to drive by in the other direction. For all he knew I went to my cousin’s house and now I was driving home. However, I convinced myself not to be a stalker and thought about what I might do next.

I had no idea.

I noticed my gas tank was less than a quarter full so going to a gas station would give me something to do for about…oh…five minutes. I drove to the 76 Station on Camino de Estrella and was relieved to see that I had some cash with me. I dug out the crumpled bills that were littering the bottom of my purse and went up to the window to pay. As I was filling up my car, a truck pulled up to the other side of the pump.

“Hi Brianna!” Craig was getting out of the driver side of the truck.

“Oh, hi. How are you?” I wanted to peek around the pump to see if anyone else was with him but stopped myself in an attempt to seem nonchalant.

“I’m good. How’s the family?” he asked, but before I had a chance to respond he added, “You know Jim, don’t you?”

“Umm…I don’t think we’ve met yet.”

Jim was climbing out of the passenger side of the pickup at this point and Craig waved him over. He introduced us, and we shook hands, which caused me to almost start laughing. The fist time we were alone together was when he drove me home one night from Craig and Roseanne’s house. He wanted to kiss me good night when he dropped me off but got cold feet and ended up shaking my hand instead. Later that night he called me. We laughed about it and ended up talking for a few hours.

At the 76 Station Craig explained to Jim that I was a member of their church and related to Stephen _______ who was the head of the congregation. I got uncomfortable and changed the subject.

“So where are you guys headed?” I asked.

“We have a building project out in Corona that we just started. I just hired Jim to work for me last month while he goes to school.

“Yeah, I know…I mean…um…that’s great.” That was a slip-up; how would I know that, I’m supposed to be meeting Jim for the first time. I could feel my face turning beet red. I hated the fact that I blushed so easily.

Jim nodded then said awkwardly, “I was getting something out of the back of the truck. So…”

“What do you need?” Craig asked with a smile.

Jim mumbled something then walked over to the flatbed and began rummaging.

“Tell your folks I said hi, Brianna.”

“I will. Nice to meet you, Jim”

He smiled and waved. He also said something but I couldn’t make it out. As I drove away I glanced in the rearview mirror and could see Craig was laughing and Jim was rubbing the back of his neck. I couldn’t help feeling pretty good about myself at that moment.

To read chapter 2 click here: Life Reversed – Chapter 2

To read more of Brenda Thornlow’s work, including the first two books in the My Life as I Knew It series, visit her pages:

Brenda Thornlow’s Amazon page

Brenda Thornlow’s Barnes & Noble page

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