They should add “boob growth” to the warning label on Prednisone. It can’t just be me.

This is just plain wrong. Our society seems to think that women should aspire to have the largest breasts possible, but that’s just absurd. I will never understand why women get risky plastic surgery just to get bigger boobs. And why is there so much pressure on a part of our body that we can’t control naturally? It makes no sense at all.

When I was in high school, my bra size was a very natural 34B . This worked for me. I could go bra-less if I really wanted to, and I could easily wear a strapless. This was good. Near the end of high school, my period got so heavy that one day I passed out from the loss of blood. The doctors put me on birth control pills to regulate it. Of course, if they had tested me they would have discovered that I had PCOS, but I had a crappy 1990s HMO that didn’t bother with silly things like thoroughness. But that’s a story for another day.

Suddenly, because of the Pill, my size went up to a 34C. This was surprising, but not too bad. I knew that I was too large for my petite frame, and I felt awkward about it, but what could it do? Eventually I got used to it and I stayed a 34 C for many years.

Then several years ago I went on Prednisone. I’d been on it before, but this time, for the first time, I gained weight. I grew in my stomach, my ass, my thighs…. and my boobs. I flew past 34D so fast that I almost missed it, then landed on 34DD. Well, that was weird. It was also uncomfortable. I was annoyed, but glad that I hadn’t gotten any bigger. I was shocked to find this size laid out on store racks when I was in London around that time; over here it’s much harder to find. Still, there are some stores that sell it for prices that won’t break the bank, and occasionally I can even find one that isn’t black, white, or beige (though I still miss my collection of pretty colors, lace, and satin from back in the days of 34C.)

After a lot of hard work, I managed to lose most of the Prednisone weight, but my boobs didn’t shrink. When I went on Prednisone again earlier this year, I gained back all of the weight and them some! I’m too fatigued to exercise, so I’m not losing it at all now. Still, I had accepted the temporary (I hope!) weight gain for what it was, and I was ok with it, until my bra size changed again. I thought 34DD was difficult, but now I’m a 34F! That is just wrong, so very very wrong.

They’re heavy, really heavy. My bras are huge. The straps pull on my shoulders. Shirts are hard to fit (because of our society’s ideal of big boobs, shirts are designed to make small women look bigger, not to make big women look smaller.) The bigger they are, the more they sag. If you’re big, you know about boob sweat. If you’re small, be glad you don’t know about it. (A smaller friend of mine thought I was making it up, until she got pregnant. She immediately told me she was grateful for the smaller boobs she’d always complained about, and was glad when they returned.) And then there’s sleeping. They really get in the way when I’m trying to sleep. I wake up during the night sometimes, because I’ve rolled over and my boobs have gotten in the way. It’s harder to breathe (though that could be the extra weight in other areas too.) Men stare at them more, and those probably aren’t the men that I want attention from. And then there’s sex. With others or by myself, it is just wrong when a boob is too big to fit in a person’s hand. Boobs are an important part of foreplay and sex (at least, they are for me) and it’s much harder to do what I want to be done when they’re so big that they can’t fit in a hand!

Now I’ll be honest, if I manage to lose the Prednisone weight, losing it in my boobs wouldn’t be my first choice. I’d like to lose it in my stomach first. But boobs come second, even before my ass and thighs. Those may not look good now, but big boobs are just inconvenient and annoying! Damn you Prednisone!

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