Top Ten things I don't want to see at the Oscars

by Tony Farinella



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Keep the camera off George! Can you feel the excitement? Can you? It's only a few short weeks away until the Oscars. Football fans have the Super Bowl and movie fans have the Oscars. I've talked at length about my excitement regarding the Oscars, but now it's time to take a different road. I'm going to give you my Top 10 list of things that I don't want to see at the Oscars. The things that annoy me and irate me. The things I hope they avoid this year. Will they listen to me? Doubtful. I present you with my list of things that I don't want to see at the Oscars this year.



10) People going ape over what someone is wearing.



Am I the only one annoyed by the long and tedious discussions about what someone is wearing? I don't care if they show up in football jerseys supporting their favorite team at the Oscars. Everyone really looks the same to me. I can't stand Randolph Duke and his elitist views on what someone should or shouldn't be wearing. He takes all the fun out of the show. I know it's nice to get dressed up and look fancy, but who cares? Does it really add anything to the show? The show is all about the movies. Let's leave the fashion to the guys at Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.



9) Secondary winners getting just as much time to talk as the big winners.



I'm sure your short film is special and fantastic, but cut your speech short. We don't need to hear you babble on for four minutes thanking your cleaning lady. I just think it's mind boggling that Clint Eastwood and Martin Scorsese get around the same time as the winner for Best Visual Effects. I don't mean to discredit your accomplishments, but not many people know who you are. Thus, a simple thank-you will suffice. We want to listen to the big stars in the major categories talk. I hate when the big stars get their time cut short because we had to listen to Joe Cinematography ramble on for ten minutes.



8) Political Jokes



I'm not taking any sides here, but the political jokes are getting predictable and lame. They were funny at first, but now every hot shot who hosts the show takes a crack at them. Keep the jokes related to film and film only. I must admit I enjoyed Chris Rock's political rant at the Oscars two years ago, but not everybody is Chris Rock. I'm not quite sure how Ellen will do, but I have my fingers crossed. I think the host is a big part of the show.



Who will get one of these? They set the tone for the entire three hours of the show. Whatever she does, I hope she keeps any political jokes at the door. Let's focus on the movies.



7) Predictable Winners



The Oscars have been very predictable for the last three years. Now, I'm happy to predict a lot of the winners, but I'm not even that good. Let's have some fun surprises and shockers. Let's not make it anti-climatic and by-the-book. I want to be blown away by some of the winners. I want to wake up on Monday talking to my movie friends about what happened last night. I want to discuss with them how nobody saw that person winning or that film winning. I want to be on the edge of my seat waiting to see who will win when that envelope is opened. I mean did anyone doubt that Reese would win last year? How about Jamie Foxx from two years ago? Keep it fresh, hip, and different. How about a Ryan Gosling upset?



6) Good Losers



I want someone to pull a Faith Hill at the Oscars. I want someone to look pissed and angry that they lost. I mean everybody wants to win, right? I'm not asking someone to throw a childish tantrum, but don't be phony. I want the losers to shake their heads and look annoyed. I don't want any phony smiles or half-hearted applause. I want them to look like Peyton Manning or Brett Favre after losing a game. Be professional, but also be honest. You wanted to win and you are not that happy that you lost. Let it be shown! I want an authentic and realistic response when you have just lost the award.



5) Focusing the camera on one actor for a good portion of the show.



Remember how last year they kept showing George Clooney? It seemed like they would put the camera on him every five minutes. I'm sure the female audience didn't mind it, but I got tired of seeing his mug. It seems like every year they find someone to focus on for almost the entire show. They cut the camera to that person after every joke and every speech. I'm not sure why they do this, but it annoys the heck out of me. Spread the camera around along with the love. And if you do focus on someone, please make sure it's a female this year.



4) Actors and media taking the show too seriously.



Now, I take the show seriously, but I also like to have fun with it. I hate actors who act like it's a presidential election and act all uppity and proper at



Marty is over due! the show. Let your hair down and have fun! It should be a celebration of movies. Let's not treat it like a test in high school. Show the world that Hollywood knows how to have fun. People always call the Oscars boring and long. How about we prove to them that it's entertaining, relaxed, and a lot of fun? In order to do that, everyone on the show has to have fun. They also have to look like they are having fun. That shouldn't be too hard, should it?



3) Actors who have nothing to say when they win.



Remember Al Pacino? Even the greatest actor or actress can look like a bumbling and stumbling fool when they win an Oscar. Be prepared to have something to say! Also, make it memorable. I loved the speeches from Jamie Foxx and Hilary Swank at the Oscars in 2005. They were prepared, yet spur-of-the-moment. They let their emotions and the moment run wild. Those are usually the best speeches. The best way to give an Oscar speech is to have a speech planned, but also speak from the heart and what comes to you at the moment.



2) A show that runs on far too long.



I love the show as much as anyone, but I also know when enough is enough. The show should run about 3 hours and that's it. If you go any longer than that, you are testing the patience of your audience. You can only see so many awards handed out, before it loses its value. Keep the show moving along, but don't move too fast. I don't want a great moment being cut out due to time. Just be wise when it comes to spreading the show out. They have to know the strengths and weaknesses of the show. If it works, let it flow and go with it. If it doesn't, cut it short and move on.



1) Marty not winning an Oscar.



This is number one running away. If they invite him again and don't let him win, it's a tragedy. How much more pain and suffering can this poor man go through? He's had to sit back and watch his fantastic films lose to Kevin Costner and others. Marty might not be around forever to make movies. If anyone deserves an Oscar, it's him. Scorsese is one of the rare directors that does not come along everyday. You should reward him for his work on not only THE DEPARTED, but over his entire career. I also hope Marty rips into the Academy for snubbing him far too many times. I know he won't, because he's a class act. That's Marty for you. He's all class and talent.



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Tony Farinella Tony is an Oak Lawn, IL based film reviewer and columnist looking to have fun and share his unique views on film with everyone. Tony also has an unhealthy obsession with Vanessa Lengies, but that is neither here nor there.





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