What would it take for you to say “yes” to your children more often?

We are not talking about overindulging them or letting kids rule the roost but often parents can get so caught up in their own agenda that they forget to make room for the growing, learning and exploring nature of their children. And they can also forget the crowning importance of connecting with their children and building a strong foundation of relationship.

Rules and structure and boundaries are important but rules without relationship can breed rebellion.

So when you are in the middle of a project and your 8-year-old brings you her drawing, ask yourself what it would take to stop what you’re doing, sit down with her for a few minutes and dive into her work.

Ask her about the colors she chose and the materials she used. Ask her if she would like to get out some paint and build upon her drawing or if she would like to collect some things from around the house or outside to glue on to the drawing and turn it into a collage.

Take a few moments to help her get set up and tell her to come get you when she is done so you can enjoy her work. That is a form of saying “yes.”

In general, parents need to ask themselves how they can say “yes” more often when their child wants their attention. If you are truly busy when your child asks for your attention, let her know you will try to find a stopping point as soon as possible so you can hear her and then be faithful to do it.

For some reason, kids love to talk just before bed. Of course sleep is important and so is routine and consistency but 10 or 15 minutes won’t upset the apple cart too much and the payoff of climbing into her bed and listening intently to what she has to say or answering her deepest questions is huge.

Parents can also try to say "yes" when kids want to pick out their own outfits, regardless of whether or not they match, or wear three pony tails or rearrange the bedroom.

They can try to say yes to letting their kids build a fort with all the pillows and blankets in the house or making cupcakes and letting the kids crack all the eggs and measure and pour in all the ingredients. A few egg shells won’t hurt anyone, and the kids won’t care if the cupcakes don’t turn out perfectly. The process, in this case, is more important than the product.

Sometimes kids have outrageous ideas but, unless an idea is dangerous or destructive, try to say “yes.” They don’t need parents to tell them what won’t work. They can discover it on their own and, in the process, they may surprise you. But even in failure there is a lot for them to learn and their confidence will soar when they realize that mom or dad trusts them enough to try.

Jenni Stahlmann and Jody Hagaman are mothers with 10 children between them, from a newborn to an attorney and one on the autism spectrum. Together they host a nationally syndicated radio show, “POP Parenting.” They are also freelance writers and international speakers. Get more information on their website, jenniandjody.com.