Sequential Analysis

"The ane thing aye leads tae the ither,"

Was the guid rede that gave her mither

"Tae gang sae far and gang nae further

Is easy 'nough tae say

But first the lad will hae you kissed

Then lay his hand upon yer breast

And then by jings, he'll hae the rest

And willnae stop fer nay."

Noo Jenny was a comely lass

A figure like an 'oor glass

A face than nae young lad cad pass

But had tae turn his head

A bonnier girl ther n'ere was seen

A ve-ri-ta-bul beauty queen

A heartbreaker at seventeen

Who turned a' faces red.

But of the rogues a lass should curse

For pressing on tae be the first

A stat-ti-sti-shun is the worst

Seducer you cad find

An' of the stat-ti-sti-shun clan

There is a sept that takes the van

Aye in a stramash to fesh on

Once started on the game.

Despite he is no lazy one

When amrus deed is tae be done

I speak not of the Baye-si-un

Although no slouch in love

But rather of the fre-quen-tist

A thrice died divil tae be hissed

Especially when he is p****

An. push has come tae shove

Wi sic a one who nivver missed

The foolish lassy kept her tryst

Believing that when she'd been kissed

She then would call a stop

But when she said, "now you must see

That you have most sig-ni-fi-cant-ly

Traversed ma lower boundary

It's time tae close the shop."

The cairl replied, "why not at all,

For I'll be damned if I will call

It off wi'oot a pro-to-col

To say I must desist

I wonder what ye learned at school

To come and play the little fool

An' think wi'oot a stopping rule

You cad escape ma list."

Noo, all ye lassies mind the tale

An' lairn twa rules that nivver fail

If ye wad stay behind the pale

An' keep from being undone

First, always write a pro-to-col

And' second fix the stopping rule

An' see that they are known tae all

Afore the trial's begun.



