Thursday, December 1

Philadelphia -3 At Seattle

What is a good snack

to eat during this game? Tossed

salad, scrambled eggs. PICK: EAGLES

Sunday, December 4

At Buffalo -1.5 Tennessee

Bills still have a chance

to make the playoffs if all

the other teams die. PICK: BILLS

At Chicago -7 Kansas City

Will Caleb Hanie

be better the second time

around? Like pizza! PICK: BEARS

At Miami -3 Oakland

The only thing worse than

the Dolphins are those fugly

Marlins’ uniforms. PICK: RAIDERS

At Pittsburgh -6.5 Cincinnati

Bengals need to win

to stay in the playoff race.

But they’re the Bengals. PICK: STEELERS

Baltimore -6.5 At Cleveland

The Ravens show up

only against the best teams.

Browns can’t beat the flu. PICK: RAVENS

NY Jets -3 At Washington

Rex Ryan heads to

the capital to fix that

whole debt crisis crap. PICK: JETS

Atlanta -2.5 At Houston

The Texans now need

another new quarterback.

Paging Joe Namath! PICK: FALCONS

At Tampa Bay -3.5 Carolina

Cam Newton is the

Rookie of the Year and the

captain of my heart. PICK: PANTHERS

At New Orleans -9 Detroit

Suspended Lion

Ndamukong Suh’s loose

on Bourbon Street! PICK: LIONS

At Minnesota -1.5 Denver

Tebow won’t get the

MVP but he could get

holy stigmataed. PICK: BRONCOS

At San Francisco -13 St. Louis

If Rice-A-Roni

is the San Francisco Treat,

what is for dessert? PICK: NINERS

Dallas -4.5 At Arizona

Dallas can grab hold

of this division so they’ll

probably lose big. PICK: CARDINALS

Green Bay -7 At NY Giants

The only team that

can beat this Pack is the

Bizarro Packers. PICK: PACKERS

At New England -20 Indianapolis

No Peyton Manning!

This game will be as fun as

Walmart Black Friday. PICK: COLTS

Monday, December 5

San Diego -3 At Jacksonville

Maurice Jones-Drew

is the league’s leading rusher.

And the Chargers suck. PICK: JAGUARS

BONUS PICKS!

Saturday, December 3

LSU at Georgia +10

Only a Tiger loss

can prevent a scoreless title

game against ‘Bama. PICK: GEORGIA

Margarito vs. Cotto II

Without plaster in

his gloves this time Maragarito

goes down in seven. PICK: COTTO

Last week Haiku Picks went 9–6–1. Season to date is 81–94–6. We need a rally!

Jim Behrle tweets at @behrle for your possible amusement.