Viewers of The CW’s Riverdale were treated to some surprising information when the official synopsis for the show’s March 13 airing fiftieth episode “Chapter Fifty: American Dreams” dropped last week (February 21): FP Jones (Skeet Ulrich) is turning 50 years old. And while a blowout birthday celebration is a great time for fans of murder town based shenanigans, it did lead to fans scratching their heads, because the timeline of the show seems to imply that FP is actually much younger than 50.

So, how old is FP Jones, really?

First, let’s talk about Riverdale‘s complicated relationship with the forward motion of time. I’ve covered this before at length, specifically in relation to the surprising news that the town with pep is host to a restaurant called T.G.I. Thursdays. But probably even bigger than that is the ongoing question of how Cheryl Blossom (Madelaine Petsch) seems to be a year younger than her fraternal twin, Jason Blossom (Trevor Stines). That particular detail, which has never been explained, has led to massive conspiracy theories, mostly based around the fact that the Blossom family seems to regularly adopt children and then try to marry them to each other, as glimpsed in the flashback episode “The Midnight Club.”

But none of that touches on the confusion about FP. Though Riverdale has tended to avoid mentioning years like the plague in order to give the show a timeless Americana quality, “The Midnight Club” did the opposite. In the episode, we flashed back to 1992 when all of the Riverdale parents were Juniors in high school. Though nobody specifically called out an age in the episode, typically Juniors are 16 or 17 years old. Even assuming the older age, if FP was 17 in 1992, he’d be turning 44 this year, or maybe 45 depending on how Riverdale High breaks up its classes.

One theory holds that FP might have been held back, though five years seems a lot particularly since — as seen in “The Midnight Club” — FP was a model student up until the events of Ascension Night, when they all accidentally killed the principal of the school (sort of). Even Archie Andrews (KJ Apa) is only being potentially held back a year because he was sent to jail and killed by a bear… It’s doubtful FP was that bad at school.

Another knock against this theory? If FP was 22 or so, that would mean he knocked up a 16 or 17 year old Alice Cooper (Mädchen Amick), which wouldn’t be unheard of in Riverdale but would definitely be icky.

Also confusing the issue, Alice was pregnant during their Junior year, though didn’t reveal she was pregnant until the Homecoming dance, which would usually be in October, so in her Senior year, and then had a baby five months later. Given she and Hal start dating during their Junior year right after she figured out she’s pregnant, that means Alice was five months pregnant at Homecoming (Hal really should have noticed), and then at least ten months pregnant when she gave birth. Which tracks, pregnancy actually is about 10 months, not 9 months as popularly believed.

But the confusing part comes when adult Alice revealed that her son Charles was born 25 years before Season 2. She could be lying or have gotten the age wrong, but if FP was 17 in 1992, and Season 2 was 25 years later, it would be 2017, which is a year earlier than it’s supposed to be on the Riverdale timeline (that episode aired in 2018) but would also make FP 42 years old. Any way you crack it, it makes no sense.

How about another possibility, and get ready to have your mind blown: Riverdale takes place in the frickin’ future. FP is turning 50 because Riverdale takes place in 2024!!! Given we already know the spinoff Katy Keene takes place after Riverdale, it’s not entirely out of the realm of possibility that the show is actually set in the world of flying cars and self-lacing shoes. We just, you know, haven’t seen them yet.

That said, we do know that Riverdale was founded in 1941, and in Season 1 the town celebrated its 75th Anniversary Jubilee. That would place the show as starting in 2016, which tracks with the timeline for the first episode: July 4, 2016 is when Jason is murdered, and the whole plot kicks off.

Did we lose five years in there somewhere? Was everyone else held back for a significant chunk of time? Maybe the leakage from Hiram Lodge’s (Mark Consuelos) creation of candy drugs that gave everyone seizures also put the whole town to sleep for half a decade like some sort of Sleeping Beauty curse?

Or maybe… It doesn’t matter. Maybe understanding that sometimes things don’t track is part and parcel with enjoying a show like Riverdale; the contradictions add to the general weirdness of the show, instead of subtracting. Skeet Ulrich turned 49 years old this year, so he’s acting a year older instead of several years younger? That’s fine! Let’s let FP be whatever age he wants to be. He’s fifty! He can kick, and stretch, and kick as much as he wants!

Just don’t ask too many questions about Cheryl and Jason, okay? Cool.

Riverdale airs Wednesdays at 8/7c on The CW.

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