It was the coldest night since we moved here. My wife’s phone had completely malfunctioned, and I noticed in her frustration and in her eyes that she really wanted me to have a look at it. But I was late.

You see, for years I was reading about Buddhism and, although not a religious person myself, it always made a lot of sense to me on a rational level — the problem started with meditation, a central practice for Buddhists. I just could not get myself to even try it out: my mind was always racing and, even if anyone could really “stop thinking”, wouldn’t that be boring? And how could that possibly lead to enlightenment anyway?

I was recovering from a rough patch in my life: an abusive boss and a toxic work environment led to burnout at age 37. Migraines, that I lived with since I was a kid, became a constant dark spirit in my existence, one that left me either in pain or fearful of it at all times. An international relocation followed and finally, a complete breakdown in an important relationship that always helped me define who I was. I suddenly had my hands full and things seemed at times like they were spiralling out of control.

I’m very blessed for having a wonderful wife and a happy marriage, but now I was constantly afraid that throughout those dark times and especially because of some of the personal losses I experienced during them, I was putting too much strain on those few pillars that held me up and kept me functioning — and particularly on my marriage.

True, the international relocation allowed some sort of “reset” and I was already able to begin shaping my new lifestyle into something much healthier than it used to be; but I knew that something had to change. I had faced too much anger and too much sadness throughout these last couple of years. I felt trapped, unfairly treated, powerless. I was constantly either annoyed or worried, ruminating on the past while desperately trying not to make the same mistakes again in the future. As the saying goes, one can not expect a different result if he is doing the same things over and over again, right?