We’ve eradicated measles. Hurray! Oh, no! Now there’s no way I’ll go viral. Cheer up, Measles. No vaccine can hold you down. But everyone will take the vaccine and we’ll be locked up in here forever. Not everyone will take the vaccine. But, Polio, who wouldn’t want to protect their kids from us using the most studied, understood and effective medical advancements ever achieved in human history? You’d be surprised, Measles. The human brain’s got a lot of tricks that make bad ideas seem reasonable. Here, let me show you. Vaccines are dangerous. My sister’s kids got sick every time they got a vaccine. Oh, I know that one. That’s called an anecdote. That’s right, Measles. People love stories that confirm their suspicions, and they can’t help but remember that story instead of the many other stories with a different ending, because humans can’t escape something called “confirmation bias.” And it works like this. This one commuter — he can’t help but miss the train. He’s sure he loses and he’s never won — Every time. Even though it’s 50/50 when he’s gotten through. The story in his mind is said and done, yeah. He tends to count the hits and dismiss the misses. A picture forms in his mind. It fits the frame but the framer is suspicious, so caught up in his grind. It’s natural for the brain to not clock the moment he got to work on time with ease. He can’t recall the data that doesn’t fit. He sees what he wants to see. But scientists have been wrong so many times. And they can’t even be 100 percent certain. It’s all just a theory. They call that the “perfectionist fallacy,” where people think that without complete certainty, all assumptions are equal. And boy, is that wrong. Well, it’s true there used to be phrenology. And remember alchemy was hip. Eggs were good, then bad, then good, then bad for you. Don’t know what’s what. The facts, they seem to flip. Yeah! Darn it. Yes, it’s a theory, but so is light, gravity, space and time. Evidence and experiments work to prove it and blow your mind. It’s hard to comprehend that science might write a song and then change the key. It’s a method to learn, not just be right. They see what they want to see. But it’s undeniable that as they increased the vaccine scheduling, autism diagnoses skyrocketed. That logical fallacy is called “confusing correlation with causation.” And humans do it all the time. When summer’s burning, ice cream sales — they go sky-high. Right beside it goes the murder rate. Yeah. We might conclude that frozen treats lead us to die, but that’s not true. They really just relate. Yeah! The human mind is compromised when swayed by emotional weight. When you’re a pattern-seeking primate, it’s second nature to conflate. The data is so close that it seems to prove that A plus B caused C. But A and B are just simultaneous. They see what they want to see. First, you mandate vaccines. Next, you’re making all the choices for my family. Take that “slippery slope” argument far enough and I’ll have a comeback. So you think it’s healthy to pump kids’ bodies full of toxins? I’m going to buy that straw man a drink. I’m sorry, there’s no way I’m vaccinating my children. Oh, it’s happening. I’m really contracted, Polio. I knew you could do it. Well, goodbye, Polio. Enjoy it while you can, Measles. After a few outbreaks, they’ll try vaccines again. [choir sings]