BETHLEHEM — When Mary Moss talks Sunday in Glens Falls at a Transgender Day of Remembrance event, she will speak from the heart about what she has learned by raising a transgender son and supporting him through a rocky journey of discovery.

"I want to speak out because we need to get past the fear and ignorance that surrounds this issue," said Moss, 41, of Delmar, who works for the State Education Department. "I want to deliver a message of hope, because I believe only love can conquer fear."

Moss will be joined by Janet Cordes of Glens Falls, who will speak about her transgender daughter. Drew Cordes underwent male-to-female gender reassignment surgery in Montreal at age 29 in May 2011. Cordes was profiled last year in a multi-media Times Union project on transgender.

The transgender remembrance day, an international event now in its 14th year, is marked worldwide on Nov. 20, when there will be an event in Albany. The Glens Falls event on Sunday will include speeches in the Crandall Public Library and a candlelight vigil, procession and reception. It memorializes those who have been killed in the past year in hate crimes and gender-related violence.

"Literally and metaphorically, we will be bringing the issue out of the shadows and shedding light on it," said Christopher Argyros, transgender rights organizer of the Empire State Pride Agenda.

The vigil will include the reading of some of the names of 265 reported transgender murder victims worldwide in the past year, according to the Trans Murder Monitoring Project of the organization Transgender Europe. There were 38 reported murders in North America last year.

"There were huge wins for the LGBT community on a federal level this year, but we're seeing more violence against trans people," Argyros said. He said the increase could be due to more thorough reporting, a rise in hate crimes or a combination of both.

Moss said her 14-year-old son, Christopher, has inspired her to speak publicly for the first time. "We're still working through therapy and this is a difficult, ongoing journey," she said. "I've not only gained a son through all this, I've gained a hero. Chris is a courageous kid."

Moss has special empathy for her son because of her disability. A severe case of juvenile rheumatoid arthritis stunted her growth and required her to use a wheelchair growing up. "I felt like a freak and nobody wanted to be friends with me because they thought they could catch it," she recalled. Numerous surgeries, replacement knees and hips and physical therapy allowed her to walk. She has far surpassed doctors' expectations.

Chris was born a female named Grace, but his name has been legally changed. Looking back, Moss said that, from a young age, there were signs that he struggled with gender issues, signs his mother did not know how to read at the time.

Moss, her family and friends call him Chris and use the masculine pronoun, as he prefers, even when describing the past. Chris is a freshman in high school. He asked not to be photographed or interviewed out of concerns about his privacy at school, although he and his mother have been interviewed for French and Australian documentaries on transgender teens. His mother asked not to identify his school because she fears he might be ridiculed if his transgender status is widely known.

Chris has begun the process of transitioning from female to male. He cut his hair short, presents himself as a boy and is accepted as Chris by family and friends.

The bathroom issue was an obstacle at school. In middle school, Chris was told to use a bathroom in the nurse's office. He was self-conscious and forced himself not to urinate at school, triggering a series of urinary tract infections.

The bathroom became an issue in high school initially. Moss retained an attorney and the support of the New York Civil Liberties Union. Armed with legal language from the state's Dignity for All Students Act, an anti-discrimination law that took effect in July and includes gender identity, Moss convinced administrators to allow Chris to use the boys' bathroom.

"The bathroom thing was never a big deal to the students," Moss said "The teachers, guidance counselors and administrators have been very good."

Chris is working with Acey Mercer, a transgender man and therapist at Choices Counseling & Consulting in Albany. Chris is a patient of Dr. Matthew Leinung, an Albany endocrinologist, who has treated more than 300 transgender patients since 1986. The doctor surgically implanted a female hormone suppression device. Chris binds his breasts and uses other methods to "pass" as a male.

He plans to begin hormone therapy at age 16 and at 18 to undergo a bilateral mastectomy, known as "top surgery." Moss' health insurance, CDPHP, has been covering medical costs associated with Chris' transition.

"The hormone implant buys him time to make decisions," Moss said. "If he wakes up one day and decides he wants to be Grace again, he still has that option."

Moss regrets she did not did not know enough to help Chris begin transitioning sooner. "She looked like a boy with longer hair growing up," recalled Moss, who thought she was raising a tomboy who played with boys' toys and chose to wear boys' clothing.

At age 7, there was an unsettling exchange: "I think I'm a boy, mom. Do you care if I have a sex-change operation when I get older?"

"I just wasn't educated about transgender issues and didn't know how to respond," recalled Moss, 41, who divorced her husband when Chris was 2 and who raised her child as a single parent.

After being picked on at school, Chris made a pronounced shift and began wearing feminine clothing, makeup and a bra. "It was a relief to me that I didn't have a tomboy anymore," Moss recalled.

More Information About the event What: Transgender Day of Remembrance When: 3:30 to 5 p.m. Sunday Where: Crandall Library, 251 Glen St., Glens Falls. The public is invited. 792-6508. Also: When: 6 to 8 p.m. Tuesday Where: First Unitarian Universalist Society of Albany, 405 Washington Ave., Albany. The public is invited. 463-7135. To read the Times Union special report on transgender, go to http://www.timesunion.com/transgender/ See More Collapse

By middle school, he had become severely depressed, cried often, withdrew into a sullen isolation and mentioned suicidal thoughts. Moss found a counselor.

On Sept. 26, 2010, in tears and consumed by a crushing despair, Chris told his mom: "I can't do this anymore. I forced myself to be a girl, but it's not who I am."

He had read a lot about transgender issues online. He was coming out and felt suddenly unburdened, but it sent his mother into a panic.

"It hit me like a bullet," Moss said. "But I listened to him and I was determined to get him help."

She took him to buy boys' clothes and to see a counselor; she joined an online support group for parents of transgender teens. They took comfort in realizing they were not alone.

The transformation was rapid in Chris. "He has been so much happier," his mother said. "He beams when I call him my son."

Her parents, who live nearby, have been supportive and helpful. Some family members have been less accepting. "All I ask is that they're respectful," Moss said.

For the past two years, she has taken Chris to a transgender health conference in Philadelphia. He made friends at Camp Aranu'tiq, a summer camp in Connecticut for transgender kids. "That was a life-changer for Chris," she said. He has begun dating.

"Every step of the way since he came out, things have gotten better for him," Moss said.

Chris will be there with his mother on Sunday, although he does not plan to speak. Her talk will be sprinkled with the wry humor she and her son enjoy.

"Being 14 is awkward enough and I'm just trying to help Chris get through it," Moss said. "I had a brief period of grieving, but I don't miss the sad daughter who was struggling. I'm raising the same kid, just a much happier version."

Moss will leave those at the event with a final thought.

"It comes down to unconditional love," Moss said. "I love my child with all my heart and soul. Gender does not change that."

pgrondahl@timesunion.com • 518-454-5623 • @PaulGrondahl