By Crewman Becky | March 19, 2010 - 10:48 pm

Hi corporeal beings! Crewman Becky here. Have you ever noticed that the universe has been nearly completely taken over by jumpsuits? I don’t know about you, but I’m not really a big fan. Really, why are we wearing these polyester nightmares? Is it because “everybody else” is? Besides the obvious unflattering nature of the typical jumpsuit, they really are rather impractical.

For instance, I’ve noticed that (for the most part) there is no way to quickly go to the space lavatory. I mean, come on…you’ve had one too many glasses of Tranya, Counselor Troi has kept you at the table all night droning on and on about how Mr. Homn keeps staring at her communicator badge, and how she’s not sure how she feels about it. You finally get up, tell her you’ve got an early shift cleaning waste conduits (not caring that she can tell you’re lying), bolt out of Ten Forward, and just as you round the last corner to your quarters Commander Data stops you to get your opinion of his last poem recital. When you finally reach your quarters, you sprint to the bathroom just to realize you don’t have a fly to unzip. Aarrghh!!!

There’s no belt to unbuckle, no button to undo, there isn’t even one of those polyurethane “wet suit leashes” on the zipper running down your back. At this moment you realize that despite serving on the USS Sansabelt, a jumpsuit may not have been the wisest wardrobe choice this morning. So tomorrow, when you are getting ready for the day’s duties, (and planning your precise allotment of fluidic intake), pause a moment and consider what else you have in your closet.