Review: Cheesy Bites Pizza from Pizza Hut

Posted May 23rd, 2012 | 3:32pm by Chefprotoss

I’m going to preface this review by letting you guys know that I’m not a fan of Pizza Hut. Most pizza joints smell the same; like pizza. Not Pizza Hut. Step through the doors and you are greeted with that weird smell that comes from frozen dough being deep fried in an oven. It sure doesn’t scream, “Who wants pizza?”. It’s more of a warning sign letting you know what you are getting yourself into. That would be crappy pizza. Crappy oven deep fried pizza. Clearly I’m not in their target demo, so why am I reviewing this? Because I have a soft spot for novelty foods. If you love or even remotely somewhat enjoy Pizza Hut, take this review with a grain of salt. If you are curious about novelty foods like me, this is for you. Really, this is for you. We are a team, and I just took one for you guys. With that said, let’s dive head first into the awful mess that is the Cheesy Bites Pizza from Pizza Hut. If you couldn’t tell by the pictures, this is a regular hand stretched pizza with little cheese stuffed bread tubes as the crust. $11.99 gets you one topping and a marinara dipping cup. Ugh, where to start… The pizza is the same as you’re used to. I found the dough to be greasy, gummy, artificial tasting, and bland. The cheese was void of both flavor, texture and just seemed to occupy space as the ubiquitous “white” part of the pie. The pepperoni, while surprisingly plentiful, also tasted artificial and extremely sub par. The sauce was spiced well, but clearly just tomato paste reconstituted in water with artificial flavorings and preservatives. Add more sugar and vinegar and you’d have ketchup. Seriously. Whoop dee doo. Now on to the novelty aspect: The Cheesy Bites Crust. Imagine a normal stuffed crust where all the cheese cooked out of the gaping holes it isn’t supposed to have, made by someone who hates you, and is just doing it for the paycheck. Fun novelty food this is not. $11.99 wouldn’t be an awesome deal even if I loved this pizza, so it fails on all fronts. It wasn’t inedible, but there is no reason I can think of to eat this. Maybe staving off death, but I’m not even too sure it could do that. I don’t hate chain pizza. Papa John’s isn’t half bad, and their cheese sauce rocks. The Brooklyn style crust and wings from Domino’s are fairly tasty. In terms of novelty foods, that’s all Taco Bell serves, and I love Taco Bell. The Doritos Locos taco is equally ludicrous and delicious. In my opinion the Cheesy Bites pizza misses every target. I’m sure some of you will disagree. Please explain to me what you love about Pizza Hut, because I just don’t get it.