Let's cheer ourselves up with another recent Daily Tele beat-up. Though it did appear only on-line, this one's a doozy - and it's almost as old as Lawsie's jokes.

A man was found dead in his apartment draped in spider webs and more than 200 spiders, several snakes, thousands of termites, and a gecko were feasting on his corpse. Mark Voegel, 30, was found dead in Dortmund, Germany. — The Daily Telegraph Online, 26th February, 2011

Read the full Daily Telegraph Online story

Oh yuck! Gruesome! So when did this happen? No hint in the story itself, but we know it was at least three years ago. Look at this...

Pet creepy-crawlies eat human owner. — news.com.au, 29th August, 2007

Read the full news.com.au story

And yes, it was the same unfortunate German...

Police found Mark Voegel, 30, in his apartment partially eaten by his pet spiders... Sun.co.uk reported. — news.com.au, 29th August, 2007

Ah, The Sun! Gotta be true then, innit? And when did The Sun find out about Mr Voegel? Let's see, here it is

Pet spider kills its owner A man who lived in his own "zoo"... was fatally bitten by a pet black widow spider, then eaten by the other creepy-crawlies. — The Sun Online

Hey, that's an even better story. Sure it's the same bloke? Yep...

Police broke in to Mark Voegel's apartment... — The Sun Online

And when was this?

Published: 27 Feb 2004 — The Sun Online, 27th February, 2004

Read the full Sun Online story

Almost exactly seven years ago.

We ask the Dortmund police about Mr Voegel's ghastly fate. They described it as...

a hoax or urban myth — Wolfgang Wieland, Dortmund Police, 4th March, 2011

All that is true is this:

In 2004 the body of a (at the time) 30 year old male was found in a flat in Tucholsky Street in Dortmund...There were terrariums with spiders in the flat. — Wolfgang Wieland, Dortmund Police, 4th March, 2011

But the man's name wasn't Voegel, he didn't die of a spider bite, and no spiders, snakes, termites, or geckos were feeding on his corpse. In fact...

Apart from the facts stated above, everything is fabricated... With friendly greetings Wolfgang Wieland — Wolfgang Wieland, Dortmund Police, 4th March, 2011

And freundlichen Gr??en to you too, Wolfgang.

Whoever originally did the fabricating, the story's been doing its job for years. According to the Tele, one of its most-read stories online last week was...

200 giant spiders, termites feast on man — The Daily Telegraph Online, 1st March, 2011

Expect to read about the sad fate of Herr Voegel again in, say, 2014. It's known as click-bait.

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