I wish I had a time machine. I wouldn't use it to place bets on sports teams, or see what my folks were like in high school. No, I'd go back a mere three months ago and tell my past-self to avoid all pop culture and television for the next three months. That way, I'd have no idea who the hell Jon and Kate Gosselin are and I could get on with my life. The mere fact that the Gosselins are sharing space with the dramatic events in Iran is mind-numbingly scary. We shouldn't be concerned that the parents of eight children are going through marital difficulties.

I had the misfortune of being involved (indirectly) in a "Flinstones Meet the Jetsons" type of television program crossover when the Gosselins invaded one of my favorite shows: American Chopper . I understand the promotional value of having stars of one high-rated show appear on another, but all it made me realize was how little I'd enjoy watching Jon and Kate Plus 8.I can't be sure what went down, privately, in the marriage between Jon and Kate. Through the glory of editing, we're made to assume certain things and cast aspersions about certain people. Here is what I gathered from my one and only experience of seeing the Gosselins on American Chopper: if that were my wife, I'd wear ear-plugs.Leaving the Flock of Seagulls haircut out of it, Kate Gosselin comes across as a whining control-freak. She belittles her husband in front of the kids (and cameras) and seems to revel in her new-found status as the most popular person in America. Jon, on the other hand, seems like a relaxed guy. The type of person I wouldn't mind getting a few brews with and watching a game. But he is a man suppressed. A man beaten into quite silence and reflection. I actually feel bad for him. He obviously loves his kids (they both do), but there seems to be a fading glimmer of light in his eyes that says, "this was not what I expected."Divorce sucks, and whatever their big announcement turns out to be on Monday, I hate to see a marriage and family fall apart. But perhaps the entire world doesn't need a front-row seat to watch the destruction. Maybe this intensely private time needs to be just that, not one that's edited to have cliff-hangers before commercial breaks.I won't watch the show on Monday. I don't like hanging out with my own family, so why the hell would I want to spend time with someone else's that's four-times as large?