CANTO BIGHT, CANTONICA — Breaking! Attempts to fix the final race of the Galactic Triple Crown, the Canto Stakes, were thwarted on Thursday afternoon when casino officials were alerted that several large bets were placed on underdog fathier Eve’s Boonta. Upon entering the stables, casino authorities apprehended a suspect attempting to flee the scene. He attempted to assault the security forces by wielding a broom but was quickly subdued.

A search of the suspect uncovered a cache of illegal narcotics, including Death Sticks and opiods. Sadly, several fathiers had to be put down due to the effects of the illicit drug.

The suspect was later identified as Temiri Blagg, also known as ‘Broom Boy’. Blagg attempted to avoid questioning by waving his hand and attempting a Jedi Mind Trick. However, the lead investigator, Toydarian John McWatto, was immune to the attempt, and the suspect eventually confessed to poisoning the animals. Blagg and the rest of the stable hands were immediately transported to the Kessel Spice Mines as punishment.

The Canto Stakes have been delayed due to the fiasco but no date has been set at the time of publishing.

We here at Faking Star Wars are trying to raise money to put an end to fathier abuse, so consider purchasing a “Free the Fathiers” t-shirt from our TeePublic store.

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–Darth Morbum