The Green New Deal, a set of proposals aimed at combating climate change, is being championed by many progressive leaders, although its detractors say it is unrealistic and economically unfeasible. The Onion takes a deep dive into the Green New Deal to look at its most significant policy items.


10-year plan to phase out all Baby Boomers



Enough infrastructure revitalization proposals to satisfy the biggest bridge nuts




15 additional trees (location TBD)



WWII-style mobilization to invade, occupy, and overthrow the sun



Force oil companies to pay more than usual to control outcome of 2020 elections



Mandatory confiscation of all firearms



Plans to make water drinkable and non-toxic all over the U.S., not just the wealthy parts




Parents will only be allowed one regular child and one clean-burning child



Ban on kites to increase supply of farmable wind



Does it even matter? You’ve already decided how you feel about it.

