If you’ve never been to a roller derby match, I can promise you that you’ve never seen anything more simultaneously terrifying and thrilling and kick-ass. A few years ago, a friend of a friend was in a league and I used to meet up with them and the rest of their teams after matches at a bar. The girls were fierce and bruised and also incredibly welcoming, despite the fact that they had just spent the last hour shoving and elbowing and tripping each other.

They also had really killer derby names – which every skater will tell you is crucial – like Flux InCapacitator and Jam Reaper and Scarin’ Blockovitch. (“Jam” and “block” are derby jargon.) And if I couldn’t love it more (without actually strapping on a pair of skates myself), the level of puniness is off the charts in roller girl names.

So obviously, I wondered, what would you get if you crossed a book lover with a roller girl? Turns out there’s a helluva lot of literary-inspired derby names that have already been registered.

There are some themes; Harry Potter names is a big one, as are classic lady characters and fairytales. These are the 39 best (or at least my favorites) in the derby database:

Grimm Scarytales Little Grr Maid Agatha Crushdie Luscious Malfoy Hermione Danger Pain Eyre Tess of the DerbyWheels Alice in Woundherland Sylvia Wrath Malice Walker Scratcher in the Eye Emily Deck’erson Anais Ninja Harlot O’Scara Soylent Mean Mary Choppins Tragedy Ann Katniss Evermean Mad Splatter Malice in Wonderland Sherblock Bones Rudyard Crippling Holly GoBiteMe Wilma Shakesfear Pippi Longstompings Tackleberry Finn JayK Rolling Danielle Steel (if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it) Rapunchel Block Beauty Lady MacDeath Fifty Shades of Mayhem Robin of Blocksley Arya Snark SinderHella Give ’em Hell Vetica Killbo Baggins Luna Shovegood Killer Mockingbird

Pretty badass. I’m definitely a SinderHella. So what would be your derby name?

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