On the first day of his visit, she wore a brooch given to her as a mark of friendship by the Obamas. By the end of the trip, it was Queen’s brooches 3, Trump 0

What fashion lessons can we learn from Trump’s visit?

Nancy, London

Well, none from Trump himself, other than the obvious; when meeting the Queen, it is best not to wear a suit that looks as if you found it at the bottom of a dry-cleaning pile and, for the love of God, button the jacket, man. Look at the state of you.

As for Melania, well, after last month’s Jacketgate – when, for her visit to incarcerated migrant children, she opted to wear a jacket with the timeless, moving slogan on the back: “I really don’t care, do u?” – she opted for a less wordy wardrobe on this trip. Her long, yellow dress by the ultra-pricey designer brand J Mendel prompted some wits on social media to compare it with Belle’s gown in the animated Beauty and the Beast, further prompting them to suggest she was implying her husband is a monster. Which is all rather amusing, except that the beast is actually good and smart and selfless, so that’s where the analogy collapses. It seems more likely that Melania was reverting to the look her fans like most, which is that of a high-maintenance, uber-feminine princess, exemplified by her refusal to take off her ridiculously high stilettos, even when playing bowls on the grass in London, and, really, who even knew that was possible? It’s funny how Trump fans insist that they like the Trumps because they seem so “real”, while at the same time preferring them when they look most like parodies of tasteless rich people. It’s sort of like how, on the one hand, Trump’s defenders claim he’s so smart and, on the other, insist any moronic mistake he makes proves he’s just a regular guy. But, truly, fathoming the double-think of a Trump supporter is beyond my paygrade.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest The Queen at Windsor Castle, during the visit of Belgium’s King Philippe and Queen Mathilde. She is wearing the snowflake brooch, a gift from Canada. Photograph: Andrew Matthews/AFP/Getty

One person, however, who seems to have mastered how to handle Trump has been on top form over the past week. One who really knows how to get the better of him without even noticing. No, I am not speaking about Vladimir Putin, but, someone who may well be the greatest political mastermind of our age: our one and only Queen Elizabeth II.

Play Video 0:25 The Queen shows Donald Trump where to walk during the inspection of the guard at Windsor Castle

Casual royal observers such as myself barely noticed the Queen’s fashion choices during Trump’s visit, because we were too busy cringing at Trump’s behaviour around her. Whether you give a fig about the royals or not – and I come very much from the “no fig” end of the spectrum – watching Trump galumph around in front of her, get in her way and generally act as if she wasn’t even there was, just on a human level, throw-up-on-your-own-shoes nauseating. She’s a 92-year-old woman, show her some respect, you giant Oompa-Loompa! But, of course, expecting thoughtfulness from a man who, earlier this year, was photographed holding an umbrella over his own precious head, leaving his young son exposed to the elements, brings to mind words such as “blood” and “stone”.

And the Queen, wisely, appeared to expect none either, because it turns out she was sending us all coded messages via the medium of her brooches. Yes, her brooches – read on and bow down in awe, James Bond. Twitter user @SamuraiKnitter has pointed out that on the first day of the Trump visit, the Queen wore a simple green brooch that was given to her by the Obamas to signify their friendship. On the second day, she wore a brooch given to her by Canada, a country with which Trump is less than pleased at the moment (also, it was in the shape of a snowflake, a classic Trump term for people who disagree with him.) And, for the last day, she chose a brooch the Queen Mother wore to the funeral of King George VI, so not one associated with happiness and joy. Queen’s brooches: 3. Trump: 0.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Barack Obama, when president, and the Queen in 2011, wearing the brooch given to her by the Obamas. Photograph: Rex/Shutterstock

Is this all reading too much into it? Well, it is known the Queen does choose her brooches according to the theme of the day, such as the love knot brooch she wore to William and Kate’s wedding. And, let us never forget the exciting time last year when, to open parliament, she wore a hat bearing a striking resemblance to the EU flag.

Has the Queen been trying to talk to us all this time and we just didn’t notice? Because we know she’s not allowed to make political statements, but what if she’s been sending them to us through her wardrobe? My God! I hereby declare that, like the British government, we all take an early holiday and spend the next couple of weeks combing through photos of the Queen, reading the runes of her twinsets. It’s OK, guys, the Queen is totally going to fix Brexit! Cherchez the brooches!

Need style counsel? Email ask.hadley@theguardian.com