CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

As at 6:00am on 25 March 2020, there have been 2,252 confirmed cases of COVID-19 in Australia.

Queensland, while lucky to have not hosted any of these fucking cruise ships, is still nearing towards 400 cases.

As the spread of the coronavirus spreads rapidly throughout New South Wales, drastic action has been taken to stop the spread of the virus further north.

Annastacia Palaszczuk says Queenslanders should immediately prepare for the closure of all roads in and out of the Sunshine State as of midnight tonight.

The Queensland Premier went out to confirm the state’s border would only remain open to freight and essential travel after announcing the restrictions on border crossings.

Residents along the Tweed and southern Gold Coast region have reacted with anger and confusion as they now face the prospect of having a line drawn through their community.

However, a long way from the Tweed, in the majestic Deep North of the state – the people are cheering.

With one MP in the Federal lower house, and three in the state, Katter’s Australian Party represents the ‘third force’ in Queensland politics.

“We have been calling for Queensland’s borders to be closed for years” says party founder The Honourable Bob Katter III MP.

“In fact, we’ve been asking for a North Queensland republic, but cutting off the Tweed is a good start”

Given the party’s rural Queensland-centric focus, secession from the South is one of the their major policies – alongside the loosening of gun control laws, loosening on sitting in the tray of the ute while driving down the main street laws, the building of a guillotine for these aristocrats down in Canberra, and of course a push for a transition to ethanol.

“It’s just 119 years too late. Queensland has been around since 1901 and we’ve been letting these wowser bastards over the border every day since”

“But, but better late than never. I’ll give Anna that” said Bob, to the cheers of his fellow party MPs.

When asked about the brief closure of the Queensland border in during the Spanish Flu outbreak shortly after WW1, Bob acted like he was there and said that he viewed the 1919 state Quarantine as a succesful trial of how beautiful life could be without any of these lily pad southern carpetbaggers.