Trevor Noah

On the Daily Show, Trevor Noah continued to assess the fallout from Donald Trump’s decision to order a lethal drone strike on the Iranian general Qassem Suleimani in Iraq last week. “Aside from the million or so people at his funeral yesterday, everyone else agrees that Suleimani was a bad guy responsible for death and destruction around the world,” Noah said, pointing to the general’s campaign of violence against US soldiers and his support of the Syrian dictator Bashar al-Assad. “But as bad as Suleimani was, not everyone agrees that killing him like this was a good idea, the same way things only got worse when America got rid of Saddam Hussein, or when America got rid of Muammar Gaddafi, or when America got rid of gluten – because I don’t know what it actually is, all I know is once it was gone, everything tasted like shit.”

The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) The U.S. is on the brink of war with Iran, and Trump thinks international law is like an optional topping at Chipotle.



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In the days since the attack, the administration’s justification of its widely condemned decision has been befuddling, Noah continued. “The truth is, it’s not that surprising that Trump’s response is so muddled and confusing, because he’s Trump. What is interesting is how the entire administration seems to be just as confused about every aspect of this situation.”

For instance, Noah said, how imminent was the imminent threat rationale for killing Suleimani in the first place? And what is the military is doing in Iraq? On Monday, the Pentagon circulated a letter outlining their plans to leave Iraq only to then, hours later, circulate another letter saying there was no decision to leave Iraq; the first letter was just a “draft”.

Seth Meyers on Trump's Iran attack: 'A reckless act by an impulsive president' Read more

“That’s right: the Pentagon released an announcement saying they were pulling out the troops, and then they were like ‘backsies! I didn’t take my hand off the piece, that’s not my move,’” Noah explained. “How do you send out a draft military announcement by mistake? These people control nuclear weapons and they can’t even handle Microsoft Outlook?”

One thing is clear, Noah concluded: the administration doesn’t seem to know what they would bomb next. Trump had threatened to bomb 52 sites in Iran, including cultural sites, which would violate international law; his administration disputed him, and he eventually tempered his threats in a press conference Tuesday because he “likes to obey the law”.

“How does this administration never seem to be on the same page?” Noah wondered. “Trump says they’ll bomb cultural sites, his administration says they won’t, Trump says he will, they say he won’t, now he says he won’t. It’s almost like they have a groupchat, but Trump never gets the message because he’s on Android.”

Stephen Colbert

“It’s only our second show of 2020, and so far we’re not doing too well on our New Year’s resolution to not go to war with Iran,” said Stephen Colbert at the top of Tuesday’s Late Show. Following the killing of Iranian General Suleimani last week, Americans have been waiting on “pins and needles” to see what Iran’s retaliation would be. “It’s like our country sent an impulsive late-night text (‘We killed Suleimani. U up?’) and now we’re nervously staring at those three little dots,” said Colbert.

On Tuesday morning, it was reported that a top Iranian official revealed the country has drawn up 13 potential retaliation scenarios, “also known as an Ayatollah’s dozen”, Colbert joked. Trump, meanwhile, had been tweeting threats against Iran since the Suleimani killing, including ones directed at Iranian cultural sites. He walked back those comments in a press conference Tuesday, saying he wouldn’t bomb cultural sites because “I like to obey the law.”

Colbert quickly poked holes in that claim: “‘I like to obey the law’ – just ask Paul Manafort or Michael Cohen if they ever get out of federal prison, they will vouch for me,” Colbert said, mimicking the president.

Jimmy Kimmel

In Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel addressed the big news from Tuesday evening: Iran launching a retaliatory missile strike against US troops in Iraq. “Our prayers are with the troops and our allies, but this is when it becomes particularly preposterous that our president is Donald Trump,” Kimmel said. “We might be at war, and this guy – you know what he’s busy with? He’s bragging,” – a reference to an interview Trump gave this week on Rush Limbaugh’s radio show in which he claimed to have wiped out Isis (false) and been the number one on Facebook (also false).

“All he cares about is being number one,” Kimmel concluded. “Our country is being run by the human equivalent of one of those giant foam fingers you see at college football games.”