“The more you can introduce the idea that you don't think the other person is crazy or stupid or foolish or overly gullible,” Coleman added, the more receptive they’ll be; people are generally more open to doing things they previously resisted when they feel cared about and understood.

He also suggested empathizing with the drudgery of resisting a pandemic—the social distancing, the relentless scrubbing of hands. That empathy might sound like this: “I hate doing it too—it’s really irritating and tedious. I completely get why you wouldn’t want to do it, but I think these things are really cause for concern.”

DON’T TRY TO CHANGE PEOPLE’S WORLDVIEW

One reason people may underrate the gravity of a pandemic is that they harbor doubts about mainstream science or mistrust authority figures, but a pandemic is not the time to address that skepticism. “People have underlying value and belief systems that are very difficult to change,” Piltch-Loeb said. “If we don’t want to get into an existential conversation about all those things, we’re better off focusing on the issue at hand”—say, the need to stop meeting up with friends or running nonessential errands—“and trying to separate it from the core belief system.”

Some behaviors are easier changed than others. When I asked Piltch-Loeb what she thought was the easiest habit to shift that would still have a big public-health payoff, she said thorough hand-washing. “Personal distancing is No. 1,” she said, “but I think there’s a higher barrier to entry to convince people [to do] that.”

CONSIDER YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE LISTENER

Coleman advised being sensitive to how any information you share with someone about the pandemic might be affected by your history of interacting with that person. “Let’s say you have a long-standing sibling rivalry,” he said. “Almost anything that comes out of your mouth, your sibling is going to hear in a defensive way. They’re going to be far less motivated to hear what you’re saying with love and compassion, and much more likely to think of it in the context of, Oh, you’re just trying to control me, criticize me, or shame me.” (Calibrating accordingly probably means heeding Coleman’s aforementioned advice to be nice.)

Thankfully, most siblings and other loved ones aren’t resentful all the time—these people care about you on some level. Coleman provided a script that might work on stubborn relatives and friends:

I love you and care about you, and I understand you don't agree with me about these concerns. But if you're not going to do it for yourself, would you consider doing it for me, just so I don’t feel so worried about you getting the infection or giving it to somebody else? I understand you don't think it should be taken as seriously as I do, and maybe it will turn out that I was being too cautious, but would you consider doing it, just so I can sleep at night?

SHARE ARTICLES SELECTIVELY

If a friend or loved one seems like they’d be open to learning more about the pandemic, it might help to send them an article—or video, or tweet, or what have you—that you find particularly clarifying. (The Atlantic has a guide to our most important COVID-19 coverage here.) Piltch-Loeb cautioned that the source of the article matters a lot. “If I have certain leanings and I don’t agree with the [perceived bias] of the publication you’re sending me, I’m really likely to dismiss the content,” she said. “If you’re sending me an article from a source that I typically read, or that would resonate with me based on my underlying belief system,” that’d be more effective. (A genuine obstacle here is that many media personalities are still pushing the narrative that everyone else is overreacting to the pandemic.)

KNOW WHEN TO GIVE UP

Some people simply won’t make the changes that would slow the spread of the disease, no matter how many loving appeals you make to them. “There are only so many arguments that are [convincing] to people,” Coleman said. “Sometimes people just have to agree to disagree about some things.” It’s distressing that pandemics can fall under that category, but at some point, your energies may be better directed toward people who are willing to listen.

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