A lot of season left!

Got a little too sentimental with the introduction in the last article and forgot that we still have to play two more games.

While we have been having a great season, UCLA hasn’t held up their end of the bargain to make this the marquee match-up of the week. They are that blind date you decided to go out with who shows up thirty minutes late and is already drunk. You just wanted to have a fun time, but it looks like you’re just going to have to order them an Uber and send them back to Westwood.

A more competitive UCLA team would make this game more exciting for Trojan fans but hopefully we have a chance to see if Clay has the arrogance to hang another 50 on them.

Post-Game Notes

Good

USC also went to the Rose Bowl in 2008. I’m not saying, I’m just saying.

The first of many. Darnold was 23 of 33 for 287 yards and two touchdowns. An absolutely perfect game from him last week (ignore the two interceptions).

Like Kevin Spacey at the end of the “Usual Suspects”, Imatorbhebhe has come out of nowhere in the later part of our season, and in a wild twist has become Darnold’s “go-to guy”.

Imatorbhebhe’s play recently has been essential to our offensive production due to injuries to our wide receiver corps, and every tailback running on one ankle.

The best part is he’s not even the most talented athlete in his family. His brother Josh, is currently redshirting but is sure to fill the holes left by JuJu and Rogers at wide receiver next year. Going to be fun to see them both on the same field giving Gus Johnson and Kirk Herbstreit headaches trying to pronounce their names.

TROJANS BHEBHE!

All we needed was a sneaky athletic QB with deceptive speed to solve our problems with 3rd down conversions.

Really gritty, gym rat, lunch-pail and hard hat kind of guy right there.

The Trojans loaded the box this game to prevent the run and pressure the quarterback. They gave the Browning the chance to win the game and he decided throwing towards Adoree’ Jackson was the best use of that opportunity.

A prime example of how this team is getting better every day. Last week against Oregon, the defensive line was getting duped by screens more than your uncle who keeps posting fake Macedonian news articles on Facebook.

This week, the whole defensive line caught themselves and read out the screen. Who knew studying in college works out? Maybe I should have paid attention more to the grammar lessons in Writing 140.

BREAKING NEWS! This Gustin: Porter has been wreaking havoc on Pac-12 offenses.

Porter Gustin finished with four tackles, two sacks, and a pass deflection. He was a monster; not just in the way he looks, but in how he performed getting pressure on the QB almost every play. Surprised he didn’t make his way downtown after the game and try to knock down the Space Needle.

It was strange seeing Smith be rotated out on third downs, but seeing how successful our defense was, I’m going to have to take a note from Sixers’ fans and “Trust The Process.”

There will be a LOTT more accolades for Adoree’ when this season is finished.

Thank god Alex Wood retired and paved the way for Auto-Matt-ic BOOTmeester to take over kicking duties. Lowering the opponents’ starting field position is just one of the many little things that have helped this team be so successful.

The team definitely seemed more relaxed when only playing with a one-score lead the whole game. There was no panic or conservative play calling. They trusted their game plan and it paid off.

You don’t even have to go years back to find examples. Against Utah, with a fourth and short, Coach Helton punted the ball instead of going for it and killing the clock. Last week, he went for it instead of kicking the field goal. It didn’t work, but like your belated Facebook birthday posts, it’s the thought that counts.

(Sorry for bringing up that Utah loss. I know it’s not sitting well with fans given this late season push.)

Clay Helton and this Trojan team had cranberries when this season started. Now they have cantaloupes.

Bad

Same sh*t. Different stadium.

Tons of penalties this game. And the last game. And the game before that. And pretty much since my freshman year. The Trojans big play ability can erase some of these easily, but a couple in this game took points off the board and kept Washington in this game.

When you get penalties, it stalls the drive.

When the drive gets stalled, you have to punt.

And when your punter is bad, it gives your opponent better field position.

On the bright side, Tilbey gave the BBC great footage of the rare shankopotamus for them to use for “Planet Earth 3”.

Other than the turnovers, penalties, and bad punting, the Trojans played perfectly!

Hypotheticals

Win and pray. The Trojans are going to need a lot of help to make the Pac-12 Championship game and the odds are not stacked in our favor.

Don’t worry, Nate Silver didn’t calculate these percentages.

I’ve already set up my ESPN alerts for both games. Hope Coach has too.

With Oregon and Colorado playing before us, we will know our fate before kickoff in Pasadena. If they both have wins, you can cancel that early December trip to Santa Clara. Unless you want to see the 49ers play. Anyone?

Even if we don’t win the Pac-12 South, it doesn’t mean the Rose Bowl is out of reach. If Washington makes the playoff, the bowl committee can pick any team from the Pac-12 to play.

I wonder who they will choose. The team with the large and wealthy fan base predominately located near the stadium. Or Utah or Colorado.

Let the Utes and Buffs go elsewhere. No way they will be able comprehend the warm temperatures and sunny weather of Los Angeles in January.

Player Notes and Injuries

They probably have Gustin resting in that Chamber that turned Steve Rogers into Captain America.

Looks like the Texas Tesla is getting his tires rotated and his oil changed, while Ware and Davis try to get back to full strength before tying their injured ankles together like they are about to enter a three-legged race.

A lot of bumps and bruises for our defensive front. I’d be worried if UCLA didn’t have the second worst running game…IN THE NATION! Their offensive line must be five baby blue body pillows propped up by a couple pieces of plywood.

I think I know who’s been in charge of protecting the Bruin Statue all these years.

Game Preview

Rivalry week.

Pac-12 After Dark. For the West Coast, this game will be a great game to watch during dinner. And by dinner, I mean a bar that serves food. And by bar that serves food, I mean the pizza should be delivered by halftime.

For those on the East Coast, this game will be watched by degenerate gamblers trying to recoup their losses from the slate of games before.

For every sportswriter, this game will be past their bedtime, so they will ignore Sam Darnold’s case to become a Heisman candidate.

You can tell Jim Mora is fed up with being at UCLA. Not even keeping up with his stupid tradition.

From the games I’ve watched, 99% of his time is spent yelling at the referees, his players, or fellow coaches.

And no, I don’t try to watch UCLA games for enjoyment. Only when they are doing everything within their power to lose games given to them by Colorado and Utah.

Has to be great for morale.

Like every coach bred out of nepotism, I suspect Mora will find a way to wind up as LSU Head Coach this offseason.

UCLA has a great defense. It’s the only thing that’s kept them hanging around in games they should have no part in. Led by their defensive end, Takkarist McKinley, they will be bringing pressure to stop the run and try to force Darnold to make mistakes. Hopefully our offensive line is as strong as the duct tape around Tommy Trojan.

If the Bruins do get to Darnold, expect them to try to hurt him. If Ronald Jones or Justin Davis lower their head, expect a UCLA defender to aim right at it. Mora is dirty coach and is known for this. He teaches his players to target opponents with head shots.

A prime example is last year versus Stanford.

Francis Owusu has had a history of concussions and UCLA spent all night targeting his head on blind side hits until he was knocked out of the game. USC may be known for cheating (or giving student-athletes their fair share, depends on who you ask) during the Pete Carroll era but at least we did it off the field.

The irony of all of this is earlier this year Jim Mora gave a press conference expressing his concern to not rush Josh Rosen back from injury because other teams might scheme to re-injure his shoulder. Sorry Jim, but you’re projecting. The only dirty program in the Pac-12 is yours.

I’ve seen images of UCLA’s stadium before kickoff. Pumping in crowd noise may be a bit of a reach.

Thanks for making us look good in academics, athletics, and apparently school pride.

The fear every Trojan fan has at the moment. We’ve reached the top, but can we stay on top. A win against Washington put us back in the national spotlight. Wins the next two games will keep us there.

After our upset against Stanford in 2013, USC lost to UCLA 35–14. With that defeat, they also lost their bid to the Pac-12 Championship Game. This is some déjà vu I don’t want to see.

Hopefully our senior leaders (and junior leaders with high draft projections) leaving this year can motivate the team to not let their guard down.

Prediction

My hate has normally been minimal for UCLA, since they’ve never really moved the needle for me. When we were good, they were terrible, and vice versa. But recently, something reignited the fire, and if you have hate in your heart you have to let it out.

UCLA with national relevance is like me in the dating world: Never lasts longer than two months.

UCLA sucks. Their jokes against us are tired. You’ve called us arrogant and added a dollar sign to our school’s abbreviation. Haven’t seen that joke for the past seven years. Their fan base probably still quotes line from “Anchorman”.

They can’t name anyone on their team besides their quarterback who has been out all season. It’s Josh Rosen for any UCLA fans who stumbled upon this article and wants to save a Google Search.

Their only notable alumni in the past decade is James Franco, who came back to school to teach freshman level film classes and to hook up with undergrads.

I’m more nervous about this game than I was at Washington because we always let off the gas after a great victory. Until proven otherwise, that’s who we are.

UCLA’s defense is strong and will be bringing pressure to stop the run and try to get Darnold out of the game, whether it’s through forcing mistakes or sending him into concussion protocol. Establishing the run early and running passing sets with our two tight end lineup would help establish some protection and allow Sam to pick their secondary apart.

There isn’t much to say about UCLA’s offense, because it is actual garbage.

Their quarterback is redshirt senior Mike Fafaul. But he’s more like Mike FafAWFUL. He’s been on the roster since 2012. He’s like Kevin Hogan without any of the talent or game experience. In the time he’s been with the team, he’s been passed over by Brett Hundley, Jerry Neuheisel, and Josh Rosen. He’s so bad he got passed over by a true freshman, and someone who only made the team because his dad used to coach it.

Their rushing attack is abysmal. Their leading rusher is Soso Jamabo. He is Soso terrible. He only has 308 yards rushing. To put that in perspective, Justin Davis has 480 yards despite missing three games, and our third string running back, Aca’cedric Ware, has 366 yards.

What kind of line play, or lack thereof, do you have to have to average 2.9 yards per carry? Probably the same one that lead to “The Rosen One” being knocked out for the year. This offense is so bad they are probably asking Jeff Fisher if they can borrow Case Keenum for a game or two.

Great defense, horrendous offense. But none of that matters in a rivalry game.

I’d love to keep the bell on campus for longer than a year but maybe we aren’t ready for a long term relationship

We should win. We will win. That bell isn’t turning blue.

USC 35 UCLA 17

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