If you’re an avid watcher of reality television and you’re a fan of Gordon “F**king” Ramsay’s charm, then you probably saw the episode of Kitchen Nightmares that featured Amy’s Baking Company. You see, their food and service didn’t suck; all the Yelpers who gave them horrible reviews were liars. If you’re not familiar with what happened, Chef Ramsay walked out on owners Amy and Samy Bouzaglo — who were seen pilfering servers’ tips, physically fighting with and threatening customers, and acting in an otherwise delusional way — because they were “incapable of listening.”

But what happened after the show aired is every rabid social media addict’s dream: when they received an even greater amount of negative reviews on Yelp and Reddit, the Bouzaglos took to their Facebook page to settle the score as politely and as delicately as they could manage See e.g., “PISS OFF ALL OF YOU. F**K REDDITS, F**K YELP AND F**K ALL OF YOU.” They really are lovely people.

Apparently the couple behind the self-immolating restaurant were planning to host a news conference today to speak about their experience on the show and its aftermath (and to pimp their bistro’s reopening). More than 1,500 people tried to snag a reservation to watch the expected insanity unfold.

Enter the lawyers at Davis Wright Tremaine to wag their fingers in Mutombo-esque fashion with threats of liquidated damages…

Before we get to the Biglaw litigation intervention, we’ll give you a taste of the craziness that went down at Amy’s Baking Company and was filmed for the season finale of Kitchen Nightmares:

Here’s some of the lunacy that was captured online during their social media onslaught (click to enlarge; they claim the Facebook comments were a byproduct of their accounts being “hacked”):

Apparently their low rating on Yelp was well earned after all.

So when Gordon Ramsay’s production company, Upper Ground Enterprises, caught wind that the Bouzaglos were planning to hold a press conference, they immediately asked their counsel at Davis Wright Tremaine to step in and wave some contract language in the restaurant owners’ faces.

There’s nothing like a six-figure legal threat to silence someone who’s trying to do damage control:

And just like that, the previously scheduled media sideshow was canceled. We wonder if we’ll ever see an ode to Alonzo Wickers IV appear on the Bouzaglos’ Facebook page, something like this: “YOU STUPID DWT ATTORNIE. WE ARE NOT FREAKING OUT. YOU’RE JUST WORKING TO BRING US DOWN. YOU THINK BECAUSE GORDON RAMSEY CAN AFFORD YOU THAT YOU ARE QUALITY? PATHETIC. YOU NEED TO BACK OFF. WE ARE KEEPING NOTE OF YOUR NAME. BRING IT ON. GOD IS ON OUR SIDE, LOSER.”

We can only hope to see something as wonderfully ridiculous as that in our lifetime.

Amy’s Baking Company gets lawsuit threat, nixes conference [Arizona Republic]

Amy’s Baking Company Cancels Press Conference Under Lawsuit Threat From Gordon Ramsay’s Production Company [Consumerist]