Citing grievous harm to his personal, multibillion-dollar brand, Donald Trump is taking Alec Baldwin to court.

At issue is Baldwin’s “deliberately crude and bombastic” depiction of the president on Saturday Night Live, a late-night comedy program popular with coastal elites. The regular skits have won accolades from the Hollywood set, but have caused endless consternation in Washington.

The action was filed at the Southern District Court of Texas in Houston, which is known as an accommodating venue for personal injury cases.

In a statement, Michael Cohen, Mr. Trump’s personal lawyer, noted, “Mr. Baldwin’s portrayal of the President has been recklessly offensive, racist and misogynistic. It is also so shockingly authentic that it raises slander issues.”

A Canadian Connection?

In addition, Mr. Cohen has asked the FBI to look into the possibility that Baldwin, or someone in his employ, may have hacked Trump’s phone and email to obtain such an accurate understanding of the president’s unique mental state.

“Broadcasting this highly classified information about Trump’s psyche only emboldens our enemies such as China or Canada,” Cohen added. “And if they take it upon themselves to mock President Trump with Baldwin’s help, we will consider it an act of war.”

White House Spokesman Kellyanne Conway has called for an “Alternative Baldwin” to step forward and counter Alec’s antics. “I’d just like to reach out to the beloved star of Bio-Dome and Threesome and let him know that America needs your exceptional acting talent now more than ever.”

Trump is seeking $445 billion in the suit, based on personal estimates of his own self worth.