Drake’s Greatest Hits

Lessons we can all learn from Drake

If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late

No matter who you are, there’s no denying that Drake is an incredible human being. Starting from the bottom, he was able to make his way to the very top. Starting young, he began touring at the age of 23 as a supporting act to John Hawkins. At the age of 40 he had gained world wide acclaim and had travelled all over the known world.

I am of course speaking about Sir Francis Drake, the 16th century sailor, pirate and explorer. Not Drake the Canadian rapper.

Feel free to return to your lives if pirates, treasure and adventure don’t interest you.

For those who remain, I have decided to tell the story of Sir Francis Drake. Below lies a list of his greatest raids, battles and expeditions. So go grab a cup of tea and a biscuit, and listen in to the fascinating story of one of the greatest adventurers/pirates of all time.

First Expedition

Started From the Bottom — feat. Guillaume Le Testu (15:72)

In 1572, Drake embarked on his first major independent voyage with a crew of 73 men and two ships. The plan was to capture the town of Nombre de Dios, located on the Isthmus of Panama.

Nombre de Dios was used by the Spanish to store tons of Peruvian gold and silver, before being loaded onto ships bound for Spain.

In late July, Drake and his crew decided they would like some of that gold, and attempted to capture the town. It was all going swimmingly until Drake was wounded. The records don’t specify what or where he was wounded, but knowing warfare at the time, it was most likely a big splinter or a musket ball.

This kind of stuff

Drake’s crew, realising their captain was having a bit of a bleed, decided to withdraw from the battle and leave the treasure behind. Talk about crew love. If that isn’t friendship, I don’t know what is.

Even though battle was lost, Drake refused to head home. Instead he decided to stick around for a year and be an absolute menace.

“Woof.” — Sir Francis Drake

In 1573, Drake hit the big time. He teamed up with Guillaume Le Testu, a French Buccaneer, and attacked a Spanish mule train that carried 20 tons of gold and silver. To put it in perspective, Drake and his mates made off with £20,000 worth of booty, which in today’s economy would be approximately £5,655,000. Not bad for a day’s plundering.

Unfortunately, good ol’ Guillaume was injured in the raid, and was subsequently captured by the Spanish. They later relieved him of his head.

But the raid didn’t end there. As they had attacked over land, Drake and his crew had to drag all their winnings back to the ships. The trek was a hard slog through 18 miles of jungle and mountainous terrain. Upon reaching their destination, they discovered their ships were gone. Bugger.

Drake, being Drake, said “Sod it!” and ordered his men to bury the treasure. He then constructed a raft and sailed 10 miles down the coast to rendezvous with his flag ship. Legend has it, that once aboard, his crew fell silent at the sight of their bedraggled captain. Drake, being one for banter, played along and acted as if all was lost, then suddenly produced some Spanish gold and had a good laugh. He allegedly said, “Our voyage is made lads!”

Around the World

Headlines (15:77)

Perhaps what Drake is most known for, is being the second person to circumnavigate the globe. In 1577, Queen Elizabeth asked Drake to wage war on Spanish settlements and shipping routes on the Pacific coast.

21st century rapper B.o.B refusing to believe the Earth is round

The crossing to South America was costly, with Drake having to scuttle two ships, due to the loss of men. He also had to execute a few mutineers upon landing.

Drake and his crew playing tag with the natives

They then sailed further towards the Magellan Strait, where Drake and his men reportedly engaged in a skirmish with the local indigenous people.

According to John Sugden’s biography, a fight broke out over the theft of several possessions. The English then proceeded to fire a ‘warning shot’ directly into a canoe, killing all onboard.

This, if true, would make them the first Europeans to kill indigenous people in Southern Patagonia. Nice one Francis.

By the time Drake actually entered the Pacific, he was left with one ship. His flagship, which he renamed the Golden Hind.

Despite his losses, Drake was able to wreak havoc all the way up the Chilean coast till he reached Peru. However, it was near Lima where Drake really started to clean up. He captured a Spanish ship that had 25,000 pesos worth of gold onboard. That’s approximately £3,251,000 today.

Just when things couldn’t get any better, they caught sight of another Spanish ship on the horizon. The poor ship was called Nuestra Señora de la Concepción. It didn’t take long for Drake to chase her down.

The capture of the Cacafuego (Fire Shitter)

Once onboard, the men discovered the ship carried 80 pounds of gold, numerous jewels, 13 chests of royal plate and 26 tons of silver. No wonder the ship couldn’t get away.

Drake, being pretty chuffed with himself, decided to throw a dinner party and invited all the captured Spanish officers to join him. I can imagine the conversation was awkward at best. A little while later, he let his captives go and even gave them gifts. Not sure how they would explain that one to King Philip when they got home.

The Nuestra Señora de la Concepción became Drake’s most famous prize. Interestingly, it also earned the nickname Cacafuego, which translates to Fire Shitter.

Homecoming

Hold On, We’re Going Home — Feat. Queen (15:80)

On 26 September 1580, Drake and his crew sailed into Plymouth Harbour. Only 59 of the original 164 men remained, but they returned triumphant and rich. And I mean seriously rich.

As was law, the Queen was entitled to half of Drake’s cargo, the value of which surpassed the Crown’s income for that entire year. For one born a commoner, Drake became an overnight sensation. The Queen showered him with personal gifts and even awarded him a knighthood and his own coat of arms.

Queen Elizabeth playing hard to get.

The Spanish Armada

Worst Behavior (15:85)

Fast forward a few years, raids and expeditions later. Drake would help England face their greatest threat yet. The Spanish Armada.

King Philip II of Spain had finally had enough of the English, with all their raiding, conquering and Protestantism. So he ordered a massive fleet to be built for an invasion.

Shit’s on fire yo

Drake, being a cheeky chap, was able to locate the ports used to prepare the Armada. In 1587, he sailed into Cadiz and destroyed a large chunk of the Spanish fleet. He also managed to capture a few supply ships, and one treasure ship returning from the Indies laden with gold. Talk about adding insult to injury. The damage caused by Drake and his forces delayed the Spanish invasion, but only for a year.

On July 21, 1588, Drake was on Plymouth Hoe playing a game of bowls when news came of the approaching Armada. Instead of rushing off in a wild panic, Drake calmly said there was enough time to finish the game and still beat the Spanish. So he did.

Drake and the lads playing bowls

As Vice Admiral of the Navy, Drake pursued the Spanish Armada up the English channel. Under the cover of darkness, he managed to capture a Spanish galleon called the Rosario, which, surprise surprise, was filled to the brim with gold. The gold was intended to be given as wages to the invading Spanish army, currently stationed in the Netherlands.

Cause baby you’re a fire ship

On 29 July, Drake made a move that he is probably most renowned for. He employed the use of fire ships. He took eight vessels, filled them with pitch, brimstone, gunpower and tar, and sailed them straight towards the Spanish formation.

The Spanish obviously freaked out and started sailing away in complete disarray.

The next day, the Battle of Gravelines took place. In summary, the English pummeled the shit out of the Spanish fleet from a distance, causing them to flee northwards. Later evidence suggests remnants of the Armada ran aground in Scotland, where they were greeted by the friendly locals. Of the 130 vessels that had set out, only 67 returned.

The End

You Know How That Shit Go (15:95)

So what can we learn from Drake and his exploits? Well, firstly it was strange for a man born so low to rise so high. So it begs the question, what made Drake so successful? I believe Drake was an avid gambler. You would have to be if you wanted to sail around the world. Imagine trying to survive a voyage to South America, when an entire Armada sank in the tiny English channel! It’s bloody nuts. You’d have to have some sort of death wish.

Drake’s luck did eventually run out. In 1595, he led a disastrous campaign against the Spanish in America. After several consecutive defeats, Drake succumbed to dysentery. He gambled a few too many times, and in the end lost. But the lesson still remains, the bigger the risk the bigger the reward.

The Queen ceremoniously shaving the hair off Drake’s back

Secondly, you can do anything if you pay off the right people. If you think about it, Drake was nothing more than a glorified pirate. When people hear the word ‘pirate’, they swoon for the likes of Johnny Depp and those other Disney cretins. I don’t think there’s even a single act of piracy in Pirates of the Carribean. It doesn’t do what it says on the tin.

In reality, Pirates killed, raped and pillaged innocent people for their cargo. And Drake was the best of them. He was even a well known Slave trader in his early days with his mate Sir John Hawkins. This man was certainly not a saint.

However, he did have a lot of gold. When Drake arrived back in England, he was welcomed with open arms because his gold went straight into Royal coffers. So the lesson is, pay off the right people and you can get away with anything.

Lastly, no matter how hard you try, no matter how much gold you steal, or how many ships you sink, in time people will forget you. Sure, there may be places named after you, or statues in your honour, but at some point some Canadian rapper is going to come along, adopt your name, and push your wikipedia page back to page 8 on Google.