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WITH the world slowly coming around to the benefits of cannabis use, we look forward now to the future in a bid to predict what Ireland would be like if it legalized the controversial plant.

Ireland Will Be Cancer Free

That’s right, cannabis cures nearly every form of cancer known to man, almost immediately. “Oh, but Bob Marley died of cancer and he smoked everyday” I hear you say. Yes, but Bob Marley died of foot cancer, and that is the rarest forms ever in the world so it cannot be cured. Nothing can cure foot cancer. At the moment, one in four people in Ireland will contract some form of the disease due to not smoking weed. This figure would drop to one in like a billion if cannabis becomes legal. Cannabis hates cancer.

Everything Will Be Made From Hemp

With over 200 billion uses, Hemp will become the main material of choice when it comes to construction, mechanical engineering and all that making stuff. If cannabis was made legal, hemp would be produced in large quantities, eradicating all those unnecessary things, like glass, steel, sparkling water and even air. Expect to see hemp cars, homes, internet and even hemp money by 2030 if cannabis is legalised. That’s right, hemp can replace anything.

A More Placid Caring Society Without Violence Or Greed

If everyone used cannabis in Ireland there would be no wars or arguments, a bartering system would replace money and everyone would spend their time helping everyone else – like one of those Watchtower magazine picture scenarios those Jehovah’s witnesses lads hand out. People would take care of the elderly, and even enjoy it because they would be stoned off their box. That’s the future ladies and gentlemen. A future on hash.

Dublin Would Resemble The Jetsons With Even Its Own Roof For The Winter

Due to everyone being super productive and friendly with everyone working to help everyone else, Dublin’s skyline would be totally different to what it looks like today. A huge roof would be built out of hemp, sheltering the city from the Winter rains. The Hover Luas will fly people from destination to destination. Junkies will already have been weaned off the gear by replacing it with cannabis. Liberty Hall will have all it’s windows finally fixed and replaced with hemp glass. Come on government, can’t you not see what we’re missing here?

No One Will Want To Drink Anymore

Who would even bother drinking now that you’re stoned? Not me, that’s for bloody sure. People in the future will look back at our booze filled days and laugh at how stupid and drunk we were, all the time. They’ll be like: ‘Janey Mac (Because no one uses curse words), they were all so silly to be drinking like that’. Alcohol has the exact opposite effect of cannabis. Cannabis is great.

Brendan O’Connor’s Opening Joke Routine For The Saturday Night Show Will Be Hilarious

That’s right, The Saturday Night Show would be reinstated if cannabis was made legal due to everyone finding Brendan’s opening joke routine hilarious. Brendan’s jibes at current affairs would feature heavily in every online newspaper the following day, going viral each week making RTÉ billions of euros in advertising revenue, which may I add can also be bartered for cheese. Cheese will become quite popular once cannabis is made legal.

Ireland Will Become So Wealthy From Weed Tax That It Will Relocate To The Gulf Of Mexico

Probably an obvious one, but due to Ireland generating trillions of euros worth of revenue and cheese from the proceeds of weed tax, the country will relocate to the gulf of Mexico for the nicer sunnier climate. Jamaican’s will more than likely welcome the Cork people first due to their similar dialect, but warm to the rest of the country and its legalized weed.

The future doesn’t look too shabby guys. Free the herb.