Ten-year-old Bobby Thompson last Sunday came to a sudden realization as he was attending Warren Avenue Baptist Church: Most church goers don’t believe in God.

He remembered last Christmas when he told his parents that he believed in Santa because he wanted all those presents stuffed in his stocking that had been hung with care. However, in his heart of hearts, he knew Santa was just his dad and mom. That was cool. He still got that remote control helicopter with three spinning blades of death (that’s how thought of them at least).

Last Sunday Bobby took a look around while Reverend Jim led the prayer and found a lot of people playing with their phones or looking out windows. That reminded him how last year he didn’t want to stay awake all night for Santa because Bobby was sure Santa wasn’t real. There were some people in church with their eyes shut and squinty, but the 10-year-old psychologist figured out that they are like he was a few years ago. Back then Bobby tried to stay awake all night in the hope to see Santa. It never worked out. Kinda like how all those squinty eyes aren’t going to get you closer to seeing Jesus.

Bobby remembered the day he figured out the Santa Claus at the mall wasn’t the real thing. He had grabbed onto the beard and it came off. Mom was there, and she told him that Santa was really busy looking over the elves. That jolly guy couldn’t be in all places at once, could he? A few weeks ago he had asked Reverend Jim why does God allows bad things to happen to good kids while that bully Mikey Daniels lives in that big house. Reverend Jim just told him something like God works in mysterious ways.

It sounded very similar to Santa was really busy looking over the elves.

He thought about it long and hard and decided he wasn’t telling anyone who squinted their eyes during prayer that God isn’t real. He had seen an older kid tell a second grader that Santa wasn’t real and that got bad fast.

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