Joe Budden and a couple of his nearest and dearest friends

If you’re a purveyor of social media, you’ve had at least one instance of seeing an article posted and the reactions only being based on the headline. The operation of clickbait has been long-standing as our attention spans have gotten shorter and we seemingly fail to realize the value in reading comprehension, especially when we limit ourselves to literally “judging a book by its cover.” Why is it that we have taken such strides in humanity and tolerance that we have now destroyed the idea of nuance and reasoning? The simple answer is, “if it’s not me, I don’t give a fuck.”

On episode 312 of The Joe Budden Podcast, the hosts Joe, Rory, and Mal discussed being scrutinized for their comments regarding Kevin Hart’s Netflix docu-series Don’t F**k This Up, in which the comedian and actor lamented on the night he cheated on his at the time pregnant wife while alone in Las Vegas. The general response was more so based on his lack of accountability in the action and the focus being on the friend who blackmailed him, but something brought up on The JBP was the “why”, in which hosts of The Real aimed the lens at Joe Budden for asking why as a defense of Kevin Hart’s actions. Rory Farrell said something that brought levity to why we can no longer ask why; “people are selfish with their understanding and their empathy. Everyone wants understanding, they don’t want to understand anyone else until they’re put in that position.” These words resonate because our reality is so focused on ourselves and our own beliefs and moral standings we fail to allow choice and reasoning. We wrap ourselves in a bubble of “WELL I WOULD DO THIS” for situations we are never going to find ourselves in. It’s so easier to say how you would handle government crisis from the comfort of an anonymous Twitter account. Truth be told, there are so many knee jerk responses we have to subjects we’re not well versed in that we feel the need to respond to what we see. It’s as if a horrible car accident has happened and although paramedics and the fire department are on the scene, we hop out of our car to tell them that they’re doing it wrong. Sometimes it’s OK to just drive by and hope the situation leaves everyone safe. What the JBP said is we have forgotten how to practice empathy in our ways of ridding the world of toxicity and hardships, so we ourselves have become someone’s bad guy. In our wave of looking right, we’ve forgotten how to actually be on the right side of history.

Take for example the recent social scuttle over actress Gwyneth Paltrow’s $75 candle. The candle is called, “This Smells Like My Vagina” because Gwyneth jokingly said to the perfumer, “this smells like my vagina” after taking in a big whiff of it but the evolution of this based on headline alone is, “Gwyneth Paltrow is selling a candle for $75 that smells like her vagina.” Then the barrage of vaginal smells jokes and “who would buy this candle/why did this sell out” blips, but that brings up two things. 1. Why are you mad that someone is jokingly proud of how their vagina smells? Does that say more about the hygiene or lack thereof of our chosen partners or ourselves? Do we really think that Gwyneth Paltrow wafts in her own genitalia? Why do we care??? and 2. Is it not kink shaming if someone wants a vagina candle? Are we discounting the people who work for…*sigh* Goop in saying who can and can’t purchase the candle? WHY DO WE CARE???

We like to invest so much stock in what everyone else is or isn’t doing, especially when it holds no value or concern over us. When we are unable to control our lives, we find merit in controlling the stock of others. As we branch out on evaluating mental health, body positivity, and respecting the boundaries of others, I implore you to respect choice. Give people the opportunity to make bad choices and let the cards fall where they may. It’s not our job to be a continuous rain cloud of reminding someone they’re subjected to being the face of a one-off opinion or rumor. It’s OK to not have an opinion. It’s OK to be wrong. It’s OK to shut up sometimes and allow others to have an opinion or be wrong. Guide your selfishness into a position of understanding or at least one where your approach allows a balance of reasoning. And if you can’t do that, then maybe this isn’t the philosophical breakdown for you. You never know when you might find yourself in a position to hope for peace and quiet.