As many of you know, that asshole Jeremy Meeks (you know, the guy who got famous for being pretty in a mug shot because we’re smart and doing very well as a country) is doing just fucking fine.

So fine, in fact, that he recently made a billion dollar anchor baby with Chloe Green, the heiress to the Topshop Fortune.

Don’t worry, being the stand up guy he is, Meeks is taking all the necessary steps to divorce his current wife so that he can be contractually obliged to Chloe’s money.

Meeks is truly the poster boy for the American Dream that you can be a complete piece of fucking shit and, as long as you are pretty enough and go viral enough, you can become one of the nouveau riche.

And the wealthy are absolutely playing along! More and more of these heirs and heiresses seem to want to stick their dicks in crazy. I guess, when you run the world, you realize you don’t need to uphold an image of any sort anymore.

I’m sure I have a very heavy bias against the wealthy, but I just can’t help it – I’m surrounded by them. I live in Marin County and, let me tell you, the mounds of garbage people with money is nauseating. And they find the things that lower class people do exciting, like a mini vacation from their wealthy struggles!

For example, I knew a rich ass big oil shitbag who was very proud of himself for getting a tribal tattoo. A TRIBAL TATTOO. He won’t pay his house staff well, he won’t talk to people with less that $10,000,000 in the bank like they’re people, but he’ll fucking go on and on about how cool his tribal tattoo is. Are you fucking kidding me?

A wealthy woman in town who’s, like, 5 thousand years old, collects stripper heels. She can barely stand in those fucking things since I’m pretty sure the lower half of her body is already dead and waiting for the upper half to follow, but she wouldn’t be caught dead not wearing her 6 inch stiletto’s with a gold finish with her tube top and pencil skirt. She likes to meet poor women in bars and “bond” with them. It’s so fun for her to pretend she gets the struggle of skipping rent to buy those goddamned Jimmy Choos. No, really. This bitch really does this shit.

I wish I could sum this blog up with some really meaningful explanation on how the wealthy should set an example. Show class and get educated to display gratitude for the tremendous fortune they’ve had in life. But honestly, I can’t go that route. I fucking hate wealthy people. I think too much money makes people absolute garbage. In fact, studies have shown that, the richer people are (and the more money they have without earning), the less they give a shit about anybody else.

In a study, teams were to play monopoly together, and only one of the players were given a shitload of money to start the game. They didn’t earn it, they were just given the money. Of course, since it’s monopoly, they won. Always. And they were so goddamned proud of themselves:

According to Piff, the goal here was to study how “a privileged player in a rigged game behaves”. After just fifteen minutes of play for each game, the researchers began noticing “dramatic” behavioral changes in the advantaged players…observed changes ranged from louder, more forceful movement of their game piece (and other “displays of power”) to seemingly trivial things like eating more pretzels. In one humorously shocking (or shockingly humorous) example, one of the advantaged players, after successfully winning the game, was heard explaining what he had done, strategically, to succeed and win. This example speaks to “how we make sense of advantage”, says Piff.

Not looking to get all political here but, golly, doesn’t that sound a little bit like Trump? He took a million dollar loan from his dad and then Daddy even helped him secure another $100 million dollars in bank loans! And yet, somehow, his story has become about pulling himself up by his own bootstraps. Shit, if I even had $50,000 bootstraps I could definitely pull myself somewhere nicer than where I am now.

So, in summary, I guess what I’m trying to say to the rich is: Fuck you. You sit in your castles and buy your toy boyfriends like Jeremy Meeks who is nothing but a plaything and will be thrown away as soon as you’re done with him. And while Meeks will enjoy the wealth and fame, he won’t be educated as to how to handle such things, and he’ll end up an even bigger, significantly less handsome mess than he was before.

And to the people who cheer on the rich and keep waiting for their winning lottery ticket: Fuck you too. You’re such a huge part of the problem and you suck.

To everyone else: Hey, how’s it going man?