Critters

I’ve gotten used to them. The feet. You never think about how many feet they have. How they grip at your skin and the hair on your body. How they hold onto you effortlessly. They almost tickle now. Almost.

The smell. It's barely noticeable anymore. At first, it was… It was pretty bad. I threw up a lot. And then they started crawling into my mouth when I was trying to eat… But then I realized they didn't mind when I ate them. I think that was when I started to come to terms with it. They didn't taste good at first. But then… The crunch. Insects have a texture all their own. Thick and sweet and full of… I don't know what. It was like the best thing I'd ever eaten. And they didn't even mind. There was so much I could just reach out and take…

I think they like to sing me to sleep. Hard to ignore it when they get in my ears. Well, everywhere else too. All kinds of things chirping and buzzing around all the time. Constant noise. I mean, it’s a lot louder in the summer. A LOT louder. I don’t think I mind, though, they just like to sing. It’s almost like music.

… I can see them watching me. Not the crawling things, no, the people. I know how you see me. Even in places where the strange people live, people who the world forget. Even they look away. I can see it in their eyes, they pity me. Or they’re just plain grossed out. Revolted. You too. I see you trying to look me in the eye. Not at the bits in my hair. Not at my teeth. I’ve seen that look before. You don’t want to, you can’t help but stare. I know you can’t. They never can.

It’s okay… no no, you can sit back. Yeah, it’s alright. Your eyes are watering. It’s better if you move away a bit. Take a drink of water or something. It’ll help your stomach.

I gave up trying to wash them off. Not in a shower or a bathtub, those aren’t big enough, not enough water to wash them away. Not that I didn’t try, it’s just a lost cause at that scale. I mean, I still have scars from scrubbing so hard. Then I started to go swimming to drown them. Like the story of the Pied Piper. You know, he took the rats away and drowned them in the river. I always loved swimming, even before it gave me that little breath of cleanness. Then… then the leeches found me.

Leeches aren’t… Ants are the worst. They’re so small. They get all over, in my hair, and nose, and ears, in my eyes… Thousands of them, it’s… It’s just… I can’t even… I can’t even describe it. Just imagine every inch of your body cov- never mind. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…

… I never even mentioned the rats. Always so, many… But I guess they’re not… At least they’re warm. There’s so many they keep me warm in the cold. Like a fuzzy blanket. A fuzzy, hungry blanket. People keep rats as pets, right? It’s no different. Everyone loves pets… I love my pets… I love them all…

… I’ll never be alone…