DOVER, DE—Getting quickly sidetracked by the mistakes on the insurance company’s “See My Benefits” page, local hacker Ben Kerrigan resolved Monday to just fix a few annoying typos on Guaranteed Health’s website before stealing their customer data. “Jesus, there are so many misspellings and doubled-up words in this that you can hardly understand what they’re saying,” said Kerrigan while deleting the phrase “is is” from the site’s backend before scrolling down to find an improperly used “than,” an instance of the word “form” instead of “from,” and a host of other grammar, syntax, and semantic errors. “Ugh, does this really say, ‘We’ll work to find the planthe plan that’s best for you?’ All right, I’m just going to minimize my VPN window and make this full-screen so I can see these mistakes and all those missing definite articles at once. I was only here to skim the client-server model, but come on, these are so obvious it’s almost sad.” At press time, a guilty Kerrigan felt so bad for the company that clearly couldn’t afford to hire someone even resembling a copy editor that he decided to just leave their website alone.

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