10) World Highland games



These are the festivals held in Scotland that celebrate Celtic culture. Events like the Sheaf toss where you throw a bundle of straw, the stone put where you throw a rock, and the caber toss where you throw a tree. I think landscaping was evented here. Just a guess, but I think sometime in the 70's human growth hormone was thrown into the mix, and the World Strongest Man competition was invented. The tree thing isn't too suggestive, is it? Reminds me of my summers at camp thumping eagle.(Hi Mr. Oglethorpe)



9) Professional Putt-Putt Tour



The players would probably frown on my calling it putt-putt. They call it the Professional Putter's Association. Kinda like asking a girl if she wants to go for a ride on your hog, and pointing to a moped. Then again, the site says they're playing for thousands of dollars, so maybe I should shut the fuck up and start walking toward the windmill. You think putters' wives are as hot a golfers' wives?



8) Surf Lifesaving



Combining the grace and beauty of watersports with the thrill of cardiac arrest. Two things I can tell about Surf Lifesaving from the entire fifteen minutes of research I've dedicated to the subject. It appears to be big in Australia, and you have to be really good-looking to participate. But wasn't it a hottie that drove me to walk into the water in the first place? They say 2007 is the year of the surf lifesaver. If it gets any hotter Ohio can have it's own team.



7) American Cribbage Congress



Looks like Congress, don't it?

The American Cribbage Congress takes the meaning of the word athlete, and stretches it so out of context it's own etymological mother wouldn't recognize it. Lightning-quick reflexes, Lavish tounament prizes provided by the fine folks at Hickory Farms, gaming halls thick with the smell of Vicks vap-o-rub, and still this is ten times as much action as you'll find in my apartment on any given weekend. The final person to peg out gets worldwide recognition and a year's supply of beta blockers to ensure constant blood flow. Good luck players!



6) Dog Sledding, Dog Racing and Dog Tossing



So here's how this happened. I found an image of an Antactic cribbage club (seriously) while doing the cribbage research. That reminded me of dog sledding. But then I thought, what about dog racing (a sport I have actually witnessed in person on several occasions...see previous gambling problem comment). Then just for the fuck of it, I googled "dog tossing", and found this photo. So basically, #5 is all dog-related sporting activities. And what did we learn in the process...the Internet is a wondrous and magical thing.



We interrupt this list to pay tribute to the newest obscure sport on the scene, combining tense competition, excessive drinking and the carny's sense of sports ethics...BrewSkee-Ball.



5) World Footbag Association



Man, hackeysack's changed since I played. What's with the net? And where's the keg? Now it's called the World Footbag Association, and it doesn't seem to be affiliated with the Grateful Dead or Bob Marley. According to the site, there are over 80,000 registered players, and 20 - 30 major tournaments around the world. But I'll bet they don't even have tobacco sponsors. No one's got any sense of tradition anymore.



4) Rock Paper Scissors League



This is a sport started on a dare...right? The U. S. Association of Rock Paper Scissors. That's right, I said U.S. Association...damn proud. And of course, the lovely girls of the RPS. What do you think? Which network's gonna snatch this one up? Spike? GSN? Oxygen? You know if it's big, Oprah's gonna get a taste...stay tuned.



3) World Adult Kickball Association



Isaac Newton discovered three laws of motion. 1) For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. 2) Objects in motion remain in motion unless external force is applied. And 3) If the object in motion is a kickball, and you are the external force kicking it, the amount of sex enjoyed by the external force will diminish in proportion to the amount of games played...it's science, look it up. This is a sport begging for Johnny Walker or Baccardi to take it to another level, but I definitely don't see the x-games calling. Look at him ladies...like a gazelle.



2) Unicycle Hockey World Championships



I think there's also a mime's bowling tour, but I need to do some more research. I shouldn't judge. What else are you gonna do with your unicycle that doesn't involve getting beaten up? And they've definitely got the balance thing down. Good for quick exits when you tell people you're in a unicycle hockey league and you need to chase after your self-esteem. This would've been #1 until I found out about...



1) The Extreme Ironing World Championships



For those times when she orders you to get the ironing done, but if you stay in the house any longer you may take a bath with the toaster...welcome to Extreme Ironing.

You see what marriage does to perfectly normal guys? There are like, ALOT of sites dedicated to this, um sport. It's got a wikipedia page. It's got it's own bureau (to put the ironed shirts in, no doubt) According to the official website, it's the latest danger sport that combines the thrills of an extreme outdoor activity with the satisfaction of a well pressed shirt...and the world is officially out of things to do.

There you have it. Extreme Ironing...the most obscure sport in the world. And if the extreme home makeover thing doesn't pan out for ABC, look for it as a lead-in to Desperate Housewives in the fall.