Pregnancy Shaming: The Lowest Form of Abuse

How how my Mr. Hyde is still very alive and well in your current mr. Jekyll.

I’m not going to lie, when I initially started going to therapy again, I only wanted to heal and find closure. I also had a vigilante complex. I wanted to bring karmic Justice to all those who not only intentionally mistreated me but abused others just as vulnerable and defenseless. Now my mentality has tempered a bit. The yearning hunger for vengeance is still there, but coupled with understanding that

aggression and violence will not undo the suffering inflicted upon hapless victims, nor will it cause spontaneous boughts of self-awareness where the abuser suddenly realizes that his behavior was inherently amoral, why he choose to exprehiss that type of behavior, the character flaws/cognitive processes that it originated from and a plan of action as to how they will successfully alter those toxic behaviors. Some may even be motivated to apologize to their victims, acknowledging how an apology apology deficient, and/or how they (the abuser) DOES NOT deserve to be forgive and may try to provide as much closer as possible if the victim has any nagging issues/questions. (This scenario ideal victims still undergoing the healing process.)

Anyone who has suffered trauma and pain to seek and desire closure any shape or form they feel is most appropriate or satisfying. The problem is that people who tend to be abusive have inherently toxic core beliefs that make them feel they are entitled to whatever they desire. This gives them the inherent right to use any means necessary to extoll compliance from their victims , and in the process utterly de-humanize them. When someone is no longer seen as an individual, who is deserving of a common level of basic human decency and respect…… they become a means to an end, a faceless resource. Trying to convince someone who feels entitled to receive something despite their actions…. is nigh impossible. That type of thinking absolves in a personal responsibility and morally clear do whatever they want, since the ends justify the means. No one in their right mind would you have the power readily. (Victims of abusers of that caliber MUST accept the fact that they most likely will never receive closure from them. However they have the right (within reason) to call up there abusers contradictory behavior and beliefs when witnessed.) Lastly, all of these victims have the right to talk about their abuse whenever they want to whomever they want using any method they want. Victims are robbed of their ability to speak up and defend themselves. Sharing their personal stories, freely and publicly is usually subtly discouraged (because family and friends of the abuser may be embarrasse. Truth is, as long as you can provide adequate proof that a scenario occured, it is NOT legally described as a slander. If family and friends feel embarrassed by the abusers behavior ,that’s their problem. They need to acknowledge that remaining silent enables further toxic behaviors. Bad behavior must be called out and re-taught.

You will receive some flak from your residents. Establish your boundaries, finalize your village team”, recite your story loud and proud. If a offending party obects- Remind them that whatever is said is 100% truthful and in a respectful manner.(Never used to constantly throw in someone’s face, demeaning them. Gently remind them that if they dislike the way they are depicted in the “communal true trauma story-time….. then they need to put effort into transforming their detrimental behavior into more constructive behaviors. Ultimately, there’s never been someone in existence who was “forced” by their victim/s to abuse them. Engaging in abusive behaviors are ALWAYS A CONSCIOUS CHOICE MADE BY OFFENDING ABUSERS. If their actions were truly because “they lost control”, they’d lash out wildly, sporadically at any and everything in spite of any public audience they might have. Don’t ever fool yourself, self aware abusers do what they do because they are in fear of losing control.

But I am done lecturing. I truly desire more than anything is you have closure. To have your husband publicly admit was exceptionally abusive to me relationship and he has no justification for it. His actions were those of a weak, cowardly, and ultimately self-serving, immature man we still emotional maturity of a teenager. This was despite the fact that he was 34 years old when we ultimately separated. I was 20 when we met newly freed from my narcissistic mom’s clutches. I knew I had a lot of Baggage and bad habits to unlearn and there was no time to waste. I had made a lot of progress in the two years I had been freed from my mother. I had Ray to thank for that, when he open my eyes to how I acted and behaved exactly like mommy dearest and I hadn’t the slightest idea. Every hypocritical behavior I despised, was now one I was guilty of. ……. I had treated Ray as terribly as my mom had treated me growing up I was oblivious. Horrified I vowed to never allow myself to accept any excuse regarding poor Behavior. Abuse is abuse even when unintentional. Invisible scars are the most difficult to repair, the most expensive to treat and never seems like the amount of effort you put forth into healing equates in equal progress. A momentary lapse in judgement, an indulgence in a character flaw, selfishness unhinged……. Maine results needless undeserved mental and emotional handicap that negatively impacts them for the remainder of their life. , and not to mention the financial burden having to treat a new mental health issue that should/would have never been, if it hadn’t been for the traumatic treatment.

But I was still quite vulnerable I was too foolish and proud to believe otherwise. I had been forced to grow up in an environment where love was conditional and it was acceptable to treat your loved ones like shit for any