BEIJING—Lamenting the country’s widening political divide, local man Lei Chen admitted to feeling worried Friday that you couldn’t even have a respectful debate about how amazing the government is anymore. “We’ve become so polarized between people who believe we’re the best country in the world and people who believe we’re the best in the galaxy,” said Chen, calling for a more nuanced dialogue when discussing how President Xi Jinping will restore the nation to past glory. “These days, you can’t even talk about the sheer brilliance of the Communist party without someone screaming at you. We need to reach across the aisle and calmly discuss our great, virile leader. No matter where you stand, we can all agree that we’re the luckiest people on Earth to live here—we need to unite behind that.” At press time, officials had taken Lei into custody for speaking out of turn.

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