by Bonk's Mullet





We're venturing into "real blog" territory here on BonksMullet.com and we've decided to give game summaries a try. We'll be experimenting with the format a little bit. The goal is to spice them up with a bit o' laughs as there are plenty of better resources to get an accurate summary of the game's events. There will be shameless plagiarizing of my own tweets, so consider yourself warned.









The Sens played their first game at home of the pre-season, which marked Spezza's first game in a red shirt with a C on it. They took on a team of nice young gentlemen in pretty blue shirts with money spewing out of their pockets. Here's what went down on Thursday night against the Toronto Maple Leafs.

1st Period

Right off the bat, Bobby Ryan came flying out of the gates but fell flat on his face trying to make a hit, automatically making him the most successful big-name acquisition in Sens history.

The Sens PP started in mid-season form as they recorded 2 Chris Phillips shots from the point and 0 scoring chances on their first two attempts on the man advantage.

Derek Grant showed some real jump in his step in the first, meaning the Sens might look at him as a possible call-up when a centre position opens up in 2019.

Zibanejad executed a flawless dangle around the Leafs' captain, as nobody informed DJ ZBad you're supposed to wait until the third period to embarrass Dion that badly.

The Leafs' Devane(?) gives Wiercioch a harmless face wash, gets penalty (remember this for later).

Matt Kassian pummels Devane(?)'s face, Leafs go to the PP. Spezza does a good job killing off the Sens penalty, as Jacques Martin picks his jaw up off the floor.

Freddy Claesson scores on a shot from the point from a nice feed Bobby Ryan. Patrick Wiercioch drew the second assist.

Visual approximation of Claesson's celebration

Sens debut their new goal song on the Claesson goal, appeasing that one guy in the sleeveless nWo t-shirt.

Phillips delivers a huge closeline on an unsuspecting Leaf. I didn't catch who it was as his nameplate and number were knocked off his jersey.

First period standouts: Zibanejad, Greening, and Wiercioch.

Zibanejad, Greening, and Wiercioch. Best play: Phillips' hit.

2nd Period

Pageau gets stopped on a 2-on-1 after a slick pass from Wiercioch, finally demonstrating the ability to show his opponents mercy.

After failed a Sens PP, either everyone stayed extremely still and then time skipped forward 3 minutes, or my stream froze. Sorry.

Ray Ferraro misidentifies My Little Pony as Care Bears. Sens fans are enraged:

I had no idea...

The linesman makes a late offside call. The following events occur:

Pageau throws a late check on Kadri after the whistle.



Kadri face washes Pageau, causing him to bleed. No penalty.



Clarkson face washes Pageau and attempts to rip his helmet off. Two minutes for being a tough guy.



Pageau leaves the scrum with an unsportsmanlike penalty, a roughing penalty, and a fresh cut to his face.

Rumour has it Pageau's unsportsmanlike penalty was for bragging about how many goals he scored in the playoffs.

Kadri scores on the PP, going five hole on Anderson, who appeared mildly annoyed to have his game of Candy Crush interrupted by the Leafs' first scoring chance. Jim O'Brien was feeding him extra lives all night from the press box.

Everybody hated Mason Raymond after he scored on a 2-on-1 from bad defensive play from Wideman, putting the Leafs up 2-1.

Jason Spezza fails to score after getting set up from Bobby Ryan, prompting them to contemplate trying it the other way around next time.

Kadri leaves the game momentarily after blocking a shot Zibanejad with his hand. "That's the hand you want?" asks Bryan Murray.

Andre Petersson unleashes a backhand off the post and in to close out the period at 2 goals a side.

Standouts: Pageau and Wiercioch.

Pageau and Wiercioch. Best play: Petersson's Crosby-like backhand.

3rd Period

In the intermission, the TSN panel says the biggest issue facing the Sens is that Lehner is too good to be a backup for much longer, and that Kyle Turris and Clarke MacArthur may not be true second line players. Sens fans recline in their chairs.

The Karlsson-Spezza-Ryan line had their first truly mesmerizing shift of the night, whipping the puck around like a hot potato, as Milan Michalek wondered when he was moved to the point.

Nathan Lawson makes a huge glove save, flashing more leather than Eugene Melnyk's empty wallet.

A few Sens fans said some racist stuff about Kadri on Twitter so I had a rage blackout for a while. There are 1000 reasons to make fun of the Leafs and 0 of them have to do with the gender, ethnicity, religion, or sexual orientation of their players.

Pageau steals the puck from Paul Ranger on a penalty kill, earning him a breakaway. Raucous cheers of "Pageau Pageau Pageau" ease the pain of the Leafs' third stringer Macintyre making the save.

Sens fan drinking for every time the word "chemistry" is mentioned with respect to Spezza and Ryan is hospitalized.

Dave Bolland bangs home a rebound, his first goal since scoring the cup-winning goal. A single tear rolls down his face as he realizes how far he's fallen.

Jim O'Brien appears on the broadcast, fresh off of his audition as an orphan in Oliver Twist.

"Dear Patrick, It's just not the same up here with Jimmy as it was with you. Your pal, Kyle."

They decided to pack up shop after the Jim O'Brien cameo because nothing could possibly live up to that.

Standouts: Jim O'Brien.

Jim O'Brien. Best play: Jim O'Brien.

Summary

The Sens badly outplayed the Leafs but a few mistakes led to 3 goals in the back of the wrong net.





Mullet's Valuable Player: Patrick Wiercioch. Weirdcock was making Patrick Wiercioch. Weirdcock was making heads-up pass after heads-up pass . His performance tonight should quell any fears that he's not ready for a top 4 role. Honourable mention to Mika Zibanejad for his strong play with the puck.





Bonk's Bums: Michalek, Spezza, and Ryan. Although flashy at times, the line "tried to do too much out there" and passed up on several prime shooting opportunities in an effort to make an extra pass.





Final score: 3-2 Leafs.



