

Download the MP3 | Watch the Video

A 9/11 story to rule them all, fat women at the LA County Fair spill nachos on me, out-of-control snoring, forgetting your Leatherman, lost sunglasses and the time I got knocked out by a fish, #ComicsGate, Ethan Van Scriver, and Illegal Mexican Superman, when to ask for a girl’s number, THOTs at sea and fisherman wisdom, Mundane Matt calls me a name I won’t repeat, a news babe flakes, the big tiddy goth gf who destroyed Elon Musk’s life, Crippled Jesus and Kian strike out, a supercut of Maddox’s favorite convicted child pornographer: “The Bad Hombre”, Nick Rekieta sends in a song, and erotic stories of failure and conquest from 9/11; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

So you think your 9/11 story was a close call, do ya? You or your friend or your friend’s mom’s boss’ niece’s math tutor’s accountant’s dog sitter was almost on one of the flights that crashed into the World Trade Center and turned America as we knew it into a dystopian police state run by bailouts and make-believe, but was prevented from getting on that flight because of a last minute stroke of luck? Well I’ve got a 9/11 close call story to top all 9/11 close call stories in today’s episode. Put your hands up and put down your PATRIOT Act, turn your emails over, turn your awareness up, turn your Islamobia-phobia on, and remember to never forget. The Goss DOES melt steel beams on this special (and erotic) 9/11 episode of The Dick Show, but first…

Men are from Mars. Women don’t like The Matrix. That’s all you need to know about men, women, gender, sci-fi, movies, entertainment and sex in general, why Toys R Us closed down, the WNBA, #ComicsGate, #GamerGate, #Watergate; men are from Mars, women don’t like The Matrix. And it’s never going to change, no matter how many platforms Alex Jones gets banned from, no matter how many women are forced at gunpoint to go into STEM, and no matter how many pairs of tits can be awkwardly crammed into a sci-fi property like a sorority trying to stuff a phone booth, women are still going to fall asleep at the best parts and then wake up going, “Who is that guy again?”

Why I’ve seen women fall asleep during Blade Runner, Total Recall, Alien, Primer, District 9, 2001: A Space Odyssey, 12 Monkeys, and pretty much every sci-fi movie I’ve ever made one watch, and I’ve come to a very simple conclusion as to why. It’s because sci-fi is boring and stupid unless you need it.

Everything about sci-fi, comics, adventure serials, wrestling, and men’s entertainment in toto is idiotic and dumb and makes no sense and has no point beyond guys screaming at each other about either the size of their dicks or the size of their regrets–which is what makes it great, and thrilling, and addicting to the tune of billions of dollars a year in figurines, special editions, and YouTube deconstructions; and every attempt to make it more inclusive to women feels like we’re trying to trick them into looking at our collective, $300-million-dollar-budget Vision Board and then grousing like poorly written protagonists when they don’t give a shit about it.

It’s escapism and fantasy for the half of the planet who have never had to check their “Other” Inbox on Facebook, who don’t “get” Instagram, and a temporary fix for that deeply missing and impossible to fulfill need for purpose, a sense of purpose so devoid in this world that it can only be sated if the fate of the entire world, the universe, and sometimes even time itself depended on us getting off our ass and going outside. The more the fantasy matches reality, the more inclusive it gets, the more watered down the liquor becomes, the less of an escape it is, and the more it feels like watching a Ted Talk for the rise in male suicide statistics.

The Top Autist brings us a supercut of one of Maddox’s favorite callers who just so happens to be a convicted pedophile, “The Bad Hombre”. A lot of things about this case are unclear to me; exactly how much of Abrahan Morales’ background and crimes Maddox was aware of during their comedy collaboration–reports vary from a disgusting amount to an extremely disgusting amount; was The Bad Hombre AKA “Tito” a mod for Madcast Media–again reports vary from “I think so” to “Yes”. Either way, one this is perfectly clear, this sick fuck claims to be currently active in a church youth group and engaged to a woman with a child. It may be an unpopular opinion, but that is a grotesque travesty to me. Sorry, not sorry.



And just in case Maddox denies the existence of proof, here are the court documents, and the probation violation.

And here is Nick Rekieta’s video on it.



“Cuck Yourself” by Nick Rekeita.



“Fuck Off Hazencruz” by Ginger Cat Productions.



“More Blues Endings for Dick” by Salty Bert



Dick Pics!



Gee Peg, here’s a thumbnail by HeHeSillyComics.



Comments

comments