ABBA Turned Down $1 Billion to Play for Free

Today, a Swedish fable was delivered by four gracefully ageing Swedes acutely aware of their place in time, and the abhorrence of milking a decapitated cow.

Swedish pop sensations ABBA performed together in Stockholm this Sunday for the first time in 30 years at a private 50th anniversary party honouring the group, 16 years after turning down $US1 Billion to reunite for a world tour. “It’s a hell of a lot of money to say no, but we decided it wasn’t for us,” said member Benny Andersson at the time. What a dignified legend.

Before you roll your eyes and say, ‘are you actually talking about fucking ABBA,’ let me say that yes, I am talking about fucking ABBA. Have you properly surrendered to magic of Agnetha Fältskog, Björn Ulvaeus, Benny Andersson and Anni-Frid Lyngstad before? Do me a favour. Instead of dropping a quarter mill for a seat on Branson’s spaceship, Listen to ‘Voulez-Vous’ with your eyes closed and enjoy your complimentary stay at The Jetson’s. If I were to start a meditation cult, I’d begin every session by playing an ABBA song. Nothing will remove you from the present world quite like it. Which brings me to another complete jam overlooked by every human born post baby boom; ‘Xanadu’ by Olivia Newton John. Otherworldly.

Anyway, back to the issue at hand. ABBA said no to ONE BILLION dollars because they didn’t want to tarnish their legacy with a reunion in the name of daddy green. Ulvaeus told Swedish paper, Aftonbladet, “We have never made a comeback. Almost everyone else has. I think there’s a message in that.”

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