Why is everything always beeping? How many more beeps can I take in one day?

When I unlock my car it beeps. To unlock all the doors it beeps twice. If I pop the trunk the lock goes clunk and then there’s a louder slightly more sustained beep. If the trunk is open when I try to drive, a beep tells me so. Other beeps tell me other things about my car, the door is ajar, a window is open, you’re out of your lane, you’re too close and so forth. The sound system in my car beeps when it’s ready, and every channel change is a beep. When I lock the car it beeps, twice if I want to make sure, which I guess I prefer to the horn sound some vehicles do, but still, many beeps. My car doesn’t beep when I’m backing up, but if I am and I hear loud beeps, I realize that somewhere near me a truck is going in reverse. When I put gas in it, the pumps beep. If I take a bus it comes with its own series of beeps.

My key card at work beeps to let me in. If it’s after hours the alarm system also beeps to notify you that it’s armed. To disable it requires a whole sequence of beeps.

At home to enter my parking garage, my key fob beeps. I must beep it two more times before I’m actually in my building. When the elevator arrives it beeps and when I push my floor, guess what, there’s a beep. Now the elevator also beeps once as it passes each floor. This is for the benefit of the visually impaired and I’m obviously fine with that, I’m just saying, 16 beeps going up, 16 going down, every time.

My cellphone, when sound is activated, has many features and apps that beep. Various features on my desktop also beep. My printer beeps. Yes I still have a desktop and I also have a land line. The high-tech phones on the land line beep. They beep when you lift the receiver from the base and they beep when you push “start” to make or take a call. To make a local call, 10 beeps. When you push “end” there’s a beep and one more when you replace the receiver in the base. If the unit’s battery is low, it will beep.

In my home the microwave beeps. Each time you push any button there’s a beep. Set for 45 seconds, start, that’s three beeps. It beeps multiple times when it’s done and if you don’t remove your cocoa the microwave will beep every few seconds as a reminder. “Hey (beep), cocoa’s ready!”

Recently I got a new stove. It’s digital. It beeps. To set an oven temperature you push the up or down arrow for five-degree intervals, a beep at each one. When the oven reaches the desired temperature there’s a long beep, just a heads-up to know that it got there.

Of course there are the important beeps, like the ones to tell you your smoke detector battery is low, or worse, the loud manic multiple beeps it makes to let you know that you should get the hell out of the building … or at the very least … you’ve overcooked the bacon.

My camera beeps. Basically every button and every function change is a beep. There’s probably an option to turn that off but I have yet to find that beep.

The crosswalk beeps. Again, I understand the important function of that but what I don’t understand is the sign under the button that reads, “Button for audible signal only.” Who is that sign for? I also don’t understand the people who just walk up and push the button without reading the sign. Perhaps they are immune to beeps.

My bank machine beeps. Insert card beep. Card inserted beep. One beep per digit of PIN. One beep per function. Beep beep beep, here’s your cash. In retail you can scarcely make any transaction without multiple beeps. The debit machine often beeps, as does their cash register. If you’re getting food you might hear: beep beep beep, the fries are up. I recently tried the self-serve checkout at my grocery store, everything beeps, every bar code, every touch of the screen. I swear my lettuce began beeping all on its own.

We all mostly understand the audio cues of life. We know the differences between a sustained ringing bell and a chiming clock. We react differently to a quick car horn than we do to a long angry honk. We know sirens, fire alarms and whistles. But how did the beep become this pervasive yet universal sound for everything else?

I am grateful at least that the important people of today no longer have to wear a beeper, a device that really had no other function but to beep. Maybe it was comforting to those people just to let them know they were needed, but really, it was just more beeping.

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Most beeping functions today are not optional and cannot be shut off or set on vibrate. Given the number of beeps we go through in a day, vibrate might be an unhealthy option. Who could take that much vibrating? I estimate I easily hear 100 beeps a day, all meaning something different and in my way I recognize and react to all of them.

If there’s an expletive-filled rant played on TV then more beeps. I guess those are technically bleeps, but we know what they are. More beeps. And now I will fade out adding a few of my own in frustration.