The receptionist at the NIE office hates you and thinks you are a weak pathetic worm, it has been confirmed.



The discovery was made early on Tuesday morning by new arrival to the city Quentin Jamieson, whose wide-eyed excitement for moving to the city was struck a blow by the woman’s unexpectedly savage level of passive-aggressive eye rolling, head-shaking, and general unwillingness to do literally anything to help.



“I asked her if she spoke English, in my best Spanish,” said the 20-year-old university dropout. “She just laughed, shook her head and said ‘Oh boy, we got a live one here!’ I didn’t really understand what she meant, but then she refused to talk to me in English, and spoke as fast as possible in a language I didn’t understand. When I told her I didn’t understand, she just laughed and spoke even faster.”



Jamieson has met the same fate as many foreigners that move to the city. The notoriously convoluted process to get an identification card is compounded by the infamous cold hostility of the receptionist.



“I have no idea what happened. I think she said I filled out the wrong form, filled it out incorrectly, and didn’t bring the 3 forms of identity, lock of siren’s hair, or vial of ogre’s blood,” said the bewildered UK national. “It kind of makes sense really. If you absolutely hate all foreigners, then why not work in the foreign residency office where you can be as purposefully obtuse as possible to them. It must be incredibly satisfying work for her,” he added.



The Daily Bravas reached out to the receptionist for a statement, where we were told, ‘Dance for me, pathetic wretch, I am the true man behind the curtain: Puppet Master, Dasher of Dreams, Giver of Cita Previa’s. I am the Alpha and the Omega and the Receptionist. I am become Death, the Destroyer of Worlds. And I sure hope you filled out the correct form, lest I feel our paths will cross again, in roughly 3 to 4 weeks as that’s all we have available at the moment.



“Muhahahahaha!” she concluded.

