Steven Joins Jihad

A Steven Universe fanfiction

Steven had just finished another glorious reading of the Noble Quran, a book he found to be more sacred than life itself. It had insipred him to follwo a new puropse in life. until now he believed in his magical destiny but no longer as he now the words of the glorious allah to gide him. It was then that he heard a noise in the main room of the house; it was the crystal gems back from a mission!

"Steven we are back and better than ever". Said pearl who was a profound christian woman. Steven had seen the cross neckalce she always had on her and it made him angry :(.

"Amethyst said "Hey steven what is up my dude im hungry af". She said. Amethyst's religious beliefs were obscured the mists of her psyche and rolls of her fat, so steven had no problems with her despite knowing she was a gluttonous fuck.

And garnet said nothing because she was supposed to be the cool and sexy one, but steven knew she had a hidden agenda hidden behind those glorious shades and obtuse hips.

"Granet the warp pad can take us anywhere in the world right?" Steven asked, making a cute face in order to emotionally manipulate his friends into doing his bidding once again. Those fools thought they were in control ,but steven knows how to keep them under his thumb at all timbes.

"yes it can steven where do you wanna go?" garnet asked while doing that weird sexy dance she always does in the show. (A/N it makes me uncomfortable and triggers my asexuality :SSSS)

"Can we please go to mecca garnte, i've always wanted to go-" but then pearl interpreted him saying no steven that is a place of sinners and not a place that jesus would want you to go" she said while aggressivly shaking her cross necklace at him.

Needless to say, steven was angry! He was angry but also sad so he ran up to his room and lay down on the bed and started crying (A/N again! Cause he's a little bitch all the time!) Garnte looked at pearl all cooly and said "pearl that was mean to steven you must apologize"

Pearl turned up her giant carrot nose and said " i cannot apologize to him until he accepts christs's spirit into his own, as that is how he will unlock his true gem power" she yelled as she stamped back to her room. Ametist just sat there eating donuts, slowly developing diabetes.

That night, garetn shook steven awake. Stev n was sleepy from having reread the quran.

"Steve n come with me, i know your secret!" steven was so shocked! How could she know he was member of the greatest religion on earth!?"

Steven i no your secret becaue i also read the word of allah, i am a believer in the glorious religion too!" this made steven so happy!

"DOES THIS MEAN WE GET TO GO TO MECCA?" STEVEN ASKED

"no steven, but it does mean it's time for you to carry out a sacred mission. Are you in?" steven nodded. He knew what she meant, and he was ready.

Mean while, pearl overheard everything! And as garnt and steven went outside, she silenlty followed suit.

When they arrived at the center of beach city, garnet turned to steven

She said "steven are you prepared to face your greatest challenge yet?"

"Yes i am" steven said stoiclly in response to the thing garnet said.

"Then you must fight…...her!" genrat said and pointed at the street corner where pearl was!

"Damn, you found me out. No matter, i will do my duty as a good christian citizen and protect the city from you two!" steven was shocked and a little sad he had to fight, but then he rememebred that pearl was christian and it sparked a fire inside his heart, one fueld by anger and hate towards the infidels. Just then, his gem began to glow!

"Now steven, your powers have been amplified by allah, do what must be done!' grunt yelled. Steven nodded, and pulled an ak-47 from his gem!

"hah a. You must remember steven, i am a skilled fighter who has warred in the crusades, a mere gun will not be able to best me!" pearl rushed at steven, and steven began to unload a full clip at her.

Some bullets managed to scrape her arms, but pearkt was just too fast! She weeved left and right to avoid the bullets and and then jumped in the air doing a front flip. From the gem on her head she pulled out a giant sword and then plunged it into stevens heart! She smirked, but then lost that joy when she saw steven do the same. On his gem, a counter came on counting down from ten!

Pearl jumped and began to run away, but then garnet tackled her immediatly. "You cannot escape pearl, you must denounce christ and accept allah"

Pearl struggled "NO I WILL NEVER ACCEPT THAT, CHRIST IS MY SAVIOR AND YOU WILL ROAST IN HELL FOR YOUR ACTIONS TODAY" garnet understood, and turned at steven and nodded

Steven nodded back and as the counter dropped to 1 he yelled out as loud as he could with tears in his eyes "ALLAH ACKBAR, ALLAH ACK-" he was cut off as his gem exploded the size of several car bombs, killing him garnet and pearl instantly along with sevearl pedostrians. It was glorious!

9 years later

Amethyst sat alone on the beachfront, the cool sea breeze flowing through her pale violet hair, the ocean waves rolling up to meet her. She stared out at the endless sea, now a lonely shell of what she was. She was once jovial, mischievous, but was felt empty since her friends died. She let out a sigh as images of what felt like the only family she had passed through her mind. And through her lips escaped these simple words…

"Fuck i wsi h i was there it would have been funny"