Of all the preposterous plotlines and implausible mismatches in sports-entertainment history, arguably the silliest of all time will happen tonight when two foul-mouthed midgets work a “boxing” match in Las Vegas.

Floyd Mayweather (the obnoxious little megalomaniac who “fought” The Big Show at WrestleMania 24) will square off against un-ironic-hipster douchebag Conor “Hornswoggle” McGregor in what pundits are calling “a farce even pro wrestling couldn’t concoct.”

“I thought I had seen everything when David Arquette became WCW Champion, but this takes the cake” writes veteran wrestling journalist Dan Mutzler. “What’s most amazing is that some people think it’s real!”

A leaked script for the match was posted online this morning, and reveals a number of twists and “swerves” that will keep fans entertained, if they suspend disbelief.

According to the script:

McGregor will arrive in the ring via jetpack, only to be outdone by Mayweather, who will be shot out of a cannon from the roof of The Rio hotel

A hair-versus-hair stipulation has been added to the match

In the third round, when the referee isn’t looking, McGregor will clobber Mayweather with his trusty shillelagh

Mayweather will pull brass knuckles out of his trunks in Round 4, but will be caught and nearly disqualified by special guest referee “Stone Cold” Steve Austin

McGregor will win by count-out after Mayweather takes a nasty bump through the ringside commentary table

According to backstage rumors, McGregor will go on to become the General Manager of UFC, and Mayweather will co-star alongside Sylvester Stallone in the upcoming film Rocky 7: Electric Boogaloo.

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