BROOKLYN — Early this morning, in the Bushwick neighborhood of Brooklyn, Police discovered the body of Ryan Morrell, staff writer at Buzzfeed, in his apartment. After friends and family noticed he hadn’t tweeted for 15 hours, they called the police who then forcibly entered Morrell’s apartment and found he had perished from self-inflicted wounds.

While police have not yet revealed the specific details, his family has released a note found at the scene at Morrel’s request. The note has been copied below in it’s entirety.

I Tried to Learn to Live in this Horrible World: Here’s What Happened Next!

Do you ever wake up and just say, “Oh no, we need to just get through this one, I can already tell.”

Well that’s like my every day.

It’s so annoying.

I’m tired of it.

Today, I write my final hashtag:

#totesdone4evs

Just so everyone understands why I’m signing off this account, I’ve listed like the main reasons below, although there’s so many more, obvi.

1. The Drama

First on my list: THE DRAMA.

Helloooooo, who has the time?

I sure don’t.

Everyday I go into work and face a shit storm of crying little pansies telling me about their stupid lives.

I don’t care if your boyfriend’s spunk tastes likes trash Janet, gawd TM fucking I.

And the guys are just as bad. These beta male New York hipsters, no thanks, check please!

I am so over goddamn whiny millennials. Like forever.

2. The Pitch Meetings

Don’t even get me started.

I can’t tell you how much I H8 our pitch meetings!

Everybody sits in a room and spouts off their terrible ideas, waiting for a treat from the editor like a puppy that’s just performed a trick.

It’s so gross.

People, get off your high horses.

We work for Buzzfeed, not The New Yorker in 1954.

Nobody cares!

How hard is it to preach to a choir of glassy-eyed teens who hate questioning their own beliefs?

Newsflash: NOT VERY!

3. OMG Trump

Eww, Eww, Eww.

The orange skin, the hair, the boner for his daughter…

And everyone’s obsessed.

He’s everywhere!

Why are we even giving this creep the time of day?

OMG!

4. My Dad Refers to the Entire Buzzfeed Site As the Gossip Column

No matter what I do, my dad will never be impressed.

Even though I write some of the most viral content on the Internet for one of the biggest content publications, he still thinks I’m a loser.

Every time I see him he asks how the gossip column is going.

Gawd dad! We do real news too, kind of.

I know I’m not a fucking novelist, but at least I make a living writing!

Jesus, what do I have to do to earn your respect?

Someone clearly never read my article, 7 Must-Know Tips to Be a Better Father Now [#3 Will Change Your Life!].

Typical.

5. TV’s Golden Age is Over

The Sopranos, Breaking Bad, Mad Men, and The Wire — finished :( :( :(

With Game of Thrones on it’s deathbed, there’s just no reason to watch TV anymore.

I can’t handle the silence!

Am I just supposed to pretend that other shows are worth watching?

As if!

6. There’s Never Enough Clicks

Do you know what it’s like to never succeed?

It never ends!

The interminable quest for clicks.

I can’t take it!

I don’t give a fuck about clicks.

Only stupid idiots click on Buzzfeed articles!

GAWD DAMNIT!

If one more person asks me about my time-on-page or bounce rate I’m going to fucking murder/suicide that d-bag.

Writing for the Internet is the worst.

My talents are wasted on the masses.

7. SEO

Go ahead, I dare you.

Ask me what keyword I targeted in this list.

I fucking double dog dare you.

I’m going to organically rank my fist up your asshole.

8. The Fucking Overpriced Espresso

Our office coffee shop is run by the most hack-ass group of money grubbers I’ve ever seen.

$9 for an espresso!?

Are you kidding me?

I need caffeine, but too much liquid jostles around in my belly, and I can’t afford the espresso!

The office coffee shop wants to suck me dry and leave me farty and bloated.

But I won’t be giving them the pleasure!

9. The Goddamn Clickbait

I can’t escape it.

It’s everywhere.

I used to be somebody.

I used to have a voice.

Now I just have a series of re-occurring templates that have been a/b tested and optimized for the maximum click through rate.

Art is dead and we’ve killed it.

#10. Ran Out of List Ideas

Goodbye cruel world.

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