David Letterman is having a tough time getting used to life as a civilian since he left the Late Show after decades on the job. “It’s stunning what you find out about yourself when everything you’ve done for 33 years changes,” he said in his first post-retirement interview. Letterman spoke to his hometown paper, the Indianapolis Monthly, in a conversation with a college friend, reporter Ron Pearson, about life out of the spotlight.

It appears that the transition has been a bit rough. “As it turns out, after all these years of having someone make my calls for me, I can no longer operate a telephone,” said Letterman. Luckily his two assistants are staying with him for now to handle the technology. When asked about his personal grooming post-Late Show, though, Letterman was at a loss: “I don’t know what to do with my hair, either. But I’ll never wear makeup again, so that’s no problem.”

Letterman readily admitted that “regular people” probably have no pity for his woes, but claims that the struggle is real, saying that the change in lifestyle has been so drastic that “it’s like ice melting out from under you.” He promised that he was working to rehabilitate himself, though. “Keep me in your thoughts and prayers,” he kidded.

As for Late Show trivia, Letterman revealed the two guests made him the most nervous: musician Warren Zevon and President Bill Clinton, the latter of which he realized was completely misguided. Letterman joked, “What I learned about Bill was that you don’t even need to be in the studio for that interview. He’ll take care of it.”

While the interview was riddled with anecdotes about requisite retirement past times like Little League, Indy Car racing, and fishing, Letterman‘s retirement hasn't been all fun and games, or seemingly particularly peaceful. In the interview he revealed that his mother has been in the hospital. “She had a stroke a couple of weeks ago, but she’s fine,” Letterman said, adding, ”she’s 94, for heaven’s sake. If I had a stroke, I’d be hospitalized for the rest of my life. My mom has one, and she’s fine.”

Stephen Colbert will take over Letterman’s Late Show job in September.