The sudden awareness that he would soon become one of those blokes — the type that hits a woman and, more rarely, the type that gets caught — left Ben gripped with fear.

"When you realise you're about to go to jail for one of the most heinous things you can do, which is violence towards women, it's scary," the 48-year-old from Melbourne said.



"Not from retribution of what may happen when you're inside, but more of a personal level of I don't want to be that person. That's not me. I'm ashamed of that."



Ben grabbed, punched and swore at his former partner. The relationship was mutually abusive, but with the silhouette of a year of prison now behind him, Ben said that's beside the point.



"Every time I was violent towards her, I f***ing hated it, like I hated myself as well. But then I couldn't control that emotional build-up," he said.



"I was being a bully. I was being an arsehole. I was using violence as a way to get my way."



In what was one of the darkest moments of his life, he was presented with an avenue of change. It was an anger management program, which these days are known as men's behavioural change programs.



But this one was different to the others.

Instead of operating under the glare and buzz of fluorescent lights at a community hall, it would be done online and in the privacy of his home.



Ben says he was a bully who used to use violence to get his own way. ( ABC News: Danielle Bonica )

Researchers at the University of Melbourne have concluded it's just as safe and effective as other programs.

But the program can't get accreditation from one of Victoria's powerful domestic violence bodies, No To Violence, because of this one fundamental difference.

No To Violence is the peak organisation in Victoria and New South Wales trying to combat male violence, and organisations it accredits have an easier time securing government funding.



"We have available the means of changing the behaviour of men and protecting women and children throughout Australia," said David Smyth, the program's founder and the chair of charity Violence Free Families.



"But we're unable to use it because we're blocked on this accreditation issue."

'I don't know how many times I broke down'

It's easy to become convinced that a man like Ben will never lay down his arms, holster his hands and end the violent campaign that's left holes where his family once was.

But he has, because of men's behavioural change programs.



Monash University conducted the first Australian study, which looked into the long-term effects of these programs on men and their partners and found they worked for most men.



The problem is they're so popular that waiting lists are dozens of names deep.

And if you're a shift worker, or you live outside a capital city, the challenge of getting in is nothing compared to getting there.



Before he was sentenced in Victoria's County Court, Ben was one of the first men to go through the Online Men's Family Violence Program, where the constraints of time and place were lifted.

He thought he'd put a few beers in the fridge to cool while he got the first session out of the way. He never opened them.



Ben says he hasn't been violent towards a woman since completing the program. ( ABC News: Danielle Bonica )

"You're discussing some of the things that got you there and you're listening to the guys involved in the course, and they're being incredibly open in what's happened to get them to this stage in their life. And so for me, I felt obligated to be honest, for their sake, as well as my own," he said.

"At times you could hear the emotion of one another and realise the shame that each of us had.

"I don't know how many times I broke down.



"If I'd been face to face with say, six other blokes, all sitting around in a circle, I'm not going to show that emotion."



Ben spent about a year in prison and also received a community corrections order. The judge in his case was so impressed with his efforts at self-improvement that he re-sentenced Ben, removing the corrections order.



"He recognised the [Online Men's Family Violence] course," he said.



The violence is now gone and Ben is engaged to another woman who he's never been violent towards.

He credits the program with changing him.

'The data just spoke for itself'

The glow from their laptops isn't as harsh as the fluorescent lights they could be sitting under, but the men taking part in this program pull no punches when they dissect their behaviour.

They meet online once a week, for 14 weeks, where a facilitator steers their discussion.

So far, Violence Free Families has run three pilot programs, and the last one had men from the Gold Coast, Orange and southern New South Wales taking part.

Domestic violence worker Denyse McKay facilitates the online program from her home. ( ABC News: Danielle Bonica )

But the powerful domestic violence body, No To Violence, has raised concerns about the safety of an online program.

In a letter to Violence Free Families dated 24 June 2015, No To Violence's chairman James McCarthy wrote:

"We do not believe than an MBCP [Men's Behavioural Change Program] can be done wholly online. "Many providers and services … have concerns about the ability of perpetrators of family violence to deceive and avoid accountability through the online process. "There are too many concerns on our part about partner safety both in our own programs and certainly in the online environment. "If pushed, we will state that the online work has not yet been embraced within the Victorian MBCP standards."

To address this, the University of Melbourne's independent Centre for Program Evaluation was asked to assess the program.

Its previous clients include state and territory governments.

Anthea Rutter, from the Centre for Program Evaluation, says the program has demonstrated success. ( Supplied )

"The data just spoke for itself," said Anthea Rutter, a research fellow who led the evaluation.

"One of the concerns at the commencement of the program was that the women could be placed in a vulnerable situation, because you've got to remember, the men are doing this program from home," she said.

"But as it happened, and the feedback that we got was that it actually helped.

"The men were able to talk to their partners about what they're experiencing and also the women could, from a distance, another room, they could get a sense of what was going on.

"It turned out not to be a vulnerable situation for the women but a ... positive, and in some cases helped to [improve] the relationship."

Ms Rutter listened in on two sessions and used surveys and a focus group to form her evaluation. She also contacted partners of the men through the program's women's officer.

"I think I can say that yes, after these three programs, it has been a successful program and I sincerely hope it continues."

'You gave me back the man I married'

Initially, Denyse McKay was apprehensive.

After two decades as a domestic violence worker, her instincts told her it was vital to eyeball a perpetrator.

"I didn't feel like men would be accountable," she said.

"That they could just tick the right answer or just click through, and that at the end of the of the program they would be saying that they completed it.

Denyse McKay says men doing the online behavioural change program can be kept accountable. ( ABC News: Danielle Bonica )

"I was really wrong about that."

After much pestering, she agreed to be involved in the Online Men's Family Violence Program and wrote a curriculum, which drew heavily on decades of experiences facilitating face-to-face programs.

With help from GippsTafe in Victoria, the material was put on a learning tool used by Australian university students.

"To date, with the men who have done the program, we have not had any woman say that she feels unsafe or less safe than before the man was doing the program," she said.

"One lady said, 'You gave me back the man I married nine years ago and I'll always be grateful for that'."

The program, despite being unaccredited, has also been accepted by magistrates. Eight court-ordered men have now taken part in the program.

"To date, we haven't ever had a magistrate say that the program isn't acceptable. They've accepted our letter of completion," Ms McKay said.

In between the structured two-hour sessions, men do an hour of mandatory 'homework' after every session, and in total do 30 per cent more work than those in face-to-face programs.

Denyse McKay helped write the online men's behavioural change program. ( ABC News: Danielle Bonica )

The sessions are interactive and are completed with microphones. Webcams can also be turned on.

"Other things tell us when men are not being accountable and if we're at all concerned, we'll just call them during the week. We also have contact with their partners or former partners every week of the program," she said.

"We've found that women often report the men are very mellow after the group, that they'll often sit and discuss what they've talked about over a cup of coffee at the end of the night."

It also avoid one of the biggest pitfalls that face-to-face groups experience — collusion.

"They might all say the right thing in the group, but standing round having coffee, we find that the language references to their partners might not be what we want it to be. But because people are in different locations, that just doesn't happen."

Fighting to get recognised

Since 2014, the Online Men's Family Violence Program has conducted four trials with about 24 men who have been referred to them.

"We'll be swamped when we eventually get the program running," Dr Smyth said.

In Victoria, it's generally accepted that the peak body, No To Violence, sets the industry's minimum standards for men's behavioural change programs.

David Smyth says demand for the online men's behavioural change program has been huge. ( ABC News: Danny Tran )

The standards are now being reviewed after recommendations from Victoria's Royal Commission into Family Violence.

No To Violence offers accreditation to organisations that meets its standards.

But the Online Men's Family Violence Program hasn't been accredited due to "limitations", according to No To Violence.

While meeting these standards is not an explicit requirement for program operators and is not a barrier to funding, they're considered best practice and are often expected when applying for government tenders.

Violence Free Families has clashed with No To Violence over accreditation several times.

"While this situation continues, men, women and children are dying, being injured and traumatised. And that's avoidable," Dr Smyth said

In an attempt to end the stalemate, Violence Free Families hired an independent auditor to determine whether its online program met the benchmarks set by No To Violence.

Ben hopes completing the course will help him control his behaviour for the rest of his life. ( ABC News: Danielle Bonica )

In her report, auditor Carmel Fraser Stewart found the online program's policy and procedures "exceed these minimum standards in each instance".

"I am satisfied … that it carries forward the philosophy of [No To Violence] that the safety of women and children is paramount."

But No To Violence has stayed firm on the issue.

Chief executive Jacqui Watt said her organisation was committed to digital innovation and transformation.

But she raised concerns about real-time risk and safety monitoring, group observation and partner contact boundaries.

"For practical reasons it is best-practice to deliver MBCPs face-to-face and in a group dynamic," she said.