April 19, 2010 by Roommate

I know it’s been a few days since I’ve last posted, here’s a story for you that shows you John’s true colors as a hero, even though he’s trying to look hard in the above pic. Myself, my girl, and John drove up to San Francisco for a couple of birthday parties, and let me tell you, if you ask for a “real Saturday night”, John will give you one.

First off, let’s preface this with the fact that John’s been on vacation, and you’ll realize that when he’s on vacation, that dude doesn’t SHAVE. Next time you see that fool at Evo, tell that dude to SHAVE!! He looks like a damn bum!

Look at him! Anyways, we decided to go out a gay bar (as usual) and we walk in to the building and the craziest shit happens. We take two steps and…

John’s got chicks on him like rabid dogs on meat. At a gay club. I seriously did not know wtf was going on. Maybe THAT’S why he always wants to go there… fuck! What have I been missing???

Regardless, we’re all there having a good time (clearly, as designated through the pictures), and myself and my girl get completely wasted — her moreso than me. She ended up needing to go home early because she was passing out, so I called it an early night while John stayed back with the party goers.

Fast forward an hour later, I get home and my girl is passed out in the car. After carrying her up the stairs in a drunken state, I carry her to the bed, and she accidentally shifts her weight onto me and pushes me into a standing mirror, which I happen to break with my fall. Needless to say, I was bleeding like a motherfucker, but I was too drunk to care.

I ended up just passing out on our living room couch since my girl was sleeping in the middle of the bed all comfy. Fast forward 3 hours later, and it’s about 5 am. John comes stumbling in with another person who was SUPPOSED to be designated driver, but John ended up saving the day and driving everyone home safely. He even helped the DD stand up to take a piss because he was too piss-ass drunk to stand!

And then, after that, John saw me bleeding on the couch like an invalid and decided to play a game of Dr. Mario/Trauma Center and nursed me to health. I was too drunk to give a shit, but either a. he didn’t want me to bleed to death, or b. he didn’t want me bleeding on his couch. I’ll just pretend like it was A and feel good about myself.

So what’s the moral of this story? You can pretend to be a designated driver and then get wasted so you can’t drive, get piss ass drunk to the point where someone has to help you stand to piss, cut yourself with a broken mirror 500 times, bleed on a couch, and John will still take care of you.

The end. You’ll have to pardon my shitty writing because I think I lost too much blood over the weekend.