Perhaps you, like most of America, are unfamiliar with Rick “Big Slick” Perry, the new Republican front-runner. Not to worry. We’ve pulled together a primer on Rick that will tell you everything you need to know. Today, we introduce Rick and his companion Spotty. Tomorrow, we will get to know a typical Rick supporter, Jane, and on Wednesday, we will spend some time with Rick’s special friend, Jesus. On Thursday, we will compare Rick to the rest of the Republican field, and on Friday….well, Friday’s a long way away, we will think of something by then.

See Rick run!

Run for President, Rick, Run!

Run, run, run!

See Spotty run!

Run, Spotty, run!

Is Spotty a friend?

No, no, no.

Spotty is not a friend.

Is Spotty a dog?

No, no, no.

Spotty is not a dog.

Is Spotty Rick’s record?

Yes, yes, yes.

Spotty is small to be ten years old.

Small, small, small!

Spotty is dirty, too.

Dirty, dirty, dirty!

See Spotty the record chase Rick!

Run, Rick, run!

Run, Spotty, run!

“Would you like to play a new game, Spotty?” says Rick.

“Hide, Spotty, hide,” says Rick.

But Spotty does not want to play “Hide.”

Spotty wants to chase Rick.

See Rick run.

“At least until those fucking reporters get out of here?” says Rick.

No, no, no.

Spotty will not hide.

Run, Spotty, run!

Run, Rick, run!

Think you can do better? Me, too. Please take a shot in the comments section, and we will pull together the best of the best for a future post.

Don’t forget to tune in tomorrow to meet Jane.