Andreatta: Parents, killer of slain UR student settle $24M lawsuit with hugs, forgiveness

An extraordinary act of humanity unfolded in a second-floor courtroom in the Hall of Justice in downtown Rochester on Wednesday.

There, the father of slain University of Rochester student and Brighton High School graduate Jeffrey Bordeaux Jr. held his son’s killer in his arms, cried on his shoulder and called him his son.

“I didn’t expect for that to happen,” Jeffrey Bordeaux Sr. said. “I told him I forgave him for what happened and I need him to lead a productive life and make the best of whatever God has planned for him.”

That was how Bordeaux and his family settled a civil lawsuit against Daren Venable, who fatally stabbed Jeffrey Bordeaux Jr. in January 2011 at a fraternity party at the University of Rochester, where they were both 20-year-old students at the time.

“I called him ‘my son,’ and I consider him my son,” Bordeaux said. “I told him, ‘We owe it to Jeffrey for you to be the best person you can be.’ I meant it from the bottom of my heart.”

The moment occurred as lawyers for both parties prepared to deliver closing arguments after a weeklong trial in a wrongful death case that had sought $24 million from Venable and the university and the Delta Upsilon fraternity.

Jeffrey’s parents, Bordeaux and Delores Forest, had no chance of ever getting paid.

Venable, who hails from Brooklyn, has next to nothing to his name financially, and state Supreme Court Justice Debra Martin ruled earlier that the school and the fraternity, which Jeffrey’s parents maintain failed to protect their son, couldn’t be sued.

But the case wasn’t about the money for Bordeaux and Forest. It was about exacting a measure of justice for their son and reaching a resolution with which they could live.

Both eluded them seven years earlier, when Venable was acquitted of second-degree murder. That Venable killed Jeffrey was never disputed, but a criminal court judge found he acted in self-defense when Jeffrey repeatedly punched him in the face over a girl.

Closure is fiction and time doesn’t heal all wounds. But time has a way of binding them in scars and cushioning walloping heartache.

So it was that Bordeaux and Forest agreed to a peculiar resolution proposed by their lawyer, Michael Sussman, in the spur of the moment.

“We were about to do closing arguments and I was thinking to myself, having read the arguments to (them) that morning, that there had to be another way to resolve this situation,” Sussman said.

He proposed drafting a simple statement that captured the sentiments of all involved. Venable would offer Jeffrey’s parents sympathy and recognize their loss. In return, they would find humanity in Venable and peace in mourning the tragedy with him.

“I’ve never seen anything like it in my entire life,” Venable’s lawyer, James Nobles, said.

Sussman penned 193 words:

“We have completed a civil trial, but for the deliberation of others. We have decided, both, to set a different example, one in keeping with our respective traditions and faiths.

“Ms. Forest and Mr. Bordeaux lost their son when Daren stabbed him to death. Daren lost much of his youth when he stabbed Jeffrey Bordeaux Jr.

“Daren felt threatened and afraid. He did not intend this result and did not act in a vacuum. He has had time enough now to reflect and now offers his heartfelt condolences to Ms. Forest and Mr. Bordeaux and recognizes their profound loss.

“Ms. Forest too recognizes the humanity in Daren and offers him forgiveness and her hope that he will achieve in life all his capacity shows. Mr. Bordeaux also expresses forgiveness and so acts in his son’s spirit.

“Rather than ‘win’ or ‘lose,’ both Daren Venable and Delores Forest and their respective families wish others to avoid the attraction of violence and replace that with prayers for peace and reconciliation in our time.

“It is time for all to be better, to appreciate the deep humanity in the other and to mourn our losses together.”

More: Read the original statement

The statement was read to the jurors and signed by the parties and the judge. Then the judge gave the families time to themselves in the courtroom under the watchful eyes of deputies.

They spent about a half-hour together. There were tears and hugs and an unburdening of souls.

“It was really quite beautiful,” Sussman said. “The judge was tearing up. I was tearing up.”

Bordeaux, 56, said he held Venable in that courtroom and told him of a recurring dream he’s had since Jeffrey’s death.

In the dream, Bordeaux recounts the killing of his son to an auditorium full of college students, to whom he speaks about peer pressure and violence and making smart choices. Then, he introduces Venable, who takes the stage.

“Every time, I look into the crowd and they’re in shock,” Bordeaux said. “That’s where the dream always ends.”

David Andreatta is a Democrat and Chronicle columnist. He can be reached at dandreatta@gannett.com.