As the whole Stormy Daniels thing gets juicier and juicier, America has been watching this whole disaster unfold on the nation’s hottest new Reality TV show; Presidential Divorce Court. So grab some popcorn and get ready to see how far into the darkness we sink before the end of Trump’s reign of orange terror.

All news coverage about the yet-to-be-confirmed-but-very-probable divorce will now include dramatic thimble sounds to better illustrate the drama. It’s just like the bachelor, except instead of sleeping with a bunch of women and choosing one to marry, our Prez will be sleeping with a bunch of women and seeing how long his marriage will last. And just like the bachelor, all of these relationships WILL fail.

You may be asking yourself, is any of this Stormy Daniels stuff legit? And to that, we say, who the fuck cares. We all know this is something Trump would actually do, . . . so probably. In any case, it’ll be fun to watch this highly sensationalized high profile divorce. If nothing else, it’ll make every American feel better about their own love life.

Now, don’t get me wrong, Melania definitely doesn’t deserve the media shitstorm that she’ll probably have to deal with, and I hope she takes that crusty orange scrotum man for all he’s got, but let’s let this be a cautionary tale to all the young aspiring women trying to get ahead by marrying a rich old man in the hopes that he’ll die soon; this could happen to YOU too. You could end up married to a wrinkly sun-dried orange who just won’t die already and became president by appealing to the worst parts of humanity.

It’s still going be one hell of a reality tv show though. The ratings are going to be HUGE. Unlike the Trump dick pic that’s likely to be leaked in this mess.

So let’s celebrate this divorce with a nice on-brand Divorce Cake Topper.

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