Your drinking doesn’t interfere with your job so much as your job interferes with your drinking.

When your neighbor called the cops on you without alcohol being involved it felt surreal.

Whenever you show up at a Waffle House loaded, you have a helluva time making the cocktail waitresses understand your drink orders.

Once you overcame your collegiate “I cannot sleep until that evil keg is dead” anxiety, you bonded with your kegerator.

Whenever you hear those loud, utterly unselfconscious laughs booming through the night, you instinctively know alcohol is involved.

Some days, you just don’t feel like drinking until around your fifth drink.

You don’t think of it as the last drink of the evening, but the first drink of the rest of your life.

When you heard there was a whole new crop of pumpkin ales to choose from, you rushed right out and bought a case of Schlitz.

That the Titanic sailed with 20,000 bottles of beer and 20 lifeboats makes total sense to you.

A cocktail always makes you feel the way you ought to feel without a cocktail.

There are two types of people in this world— people you want to drink with and people who make you want to drink.

FKR, @Dear_Booze