Look at it this way:

Imagine you and your family have lived in the same house, with the same rules, and the same structure for years. Then one day your dad leaves and your mom chose to bring home with her a new guy. Not only does this new guy scare you with the way he talks about things, he’s had many failed marriages in the past, and has connections with people that your dad always taught you were bad people. Now you can see how horrible of a person he is from day one, yet for some reason your mom and siblings don’t. They are buying into everything he is selling and starting to turn on you because of it. Everything that you try to do to prove his true intentions to them gets turned back around on you like you made it all up. He has them convinced that no matter what anyone else says, it’s a lie if it didn’t come from his mouth. Your family is being convinced all the wrong things are their fault or just things they are misremembering. This new guy is gas lighting almost your entire family and yet no matter how many times you point it out to them, they don’t listen.

You family sides with him because he has them convinced that the house rules your dad had in place were horrible for the family and strictly barbaric. Yet when he turns around and starts placing rules, they are actually worse for the family than your dad’s rules. He keeps changing who your family hangs out with till everyone that matters to your family are users and abusers like this new guy. He’s got your whole family convinced that his friends and his way of living are the ONLY way to live and the ONLY friends that matter. He changes what stores you shop at, what news you’re allowed to watch, which friends you can talk to, and fences in your back yard so that you can’t talk to the neighbor kids anymore. He also blames all the neighbors for any issue that arises in your house or in your yard. Nothing is ever his fault, and nothing your neighbors do is ever right. When the cable goes out he’s convinced the neighbor to the left is pirating his signal. When the water pipes broke it’s because the neighbor on the right waters his lawn too much. Everything that happens is because of someone else and he will lie right to your face about his involvement in it.

Then there is the way he treats your sister. He is constantly touching her and smacking her butt and calling her pet names and acting super creepy around her. Any time your mom gets upset and tries to speak up about it, he tells her that he was only joking and she took things way to seriously. He tells your sister not to worry, that he has tons of respect for her and all women, that she is just being too sensitive. Then one night he corners her in a room, kisses her and gropes her. She pushes away and leaves and tells your mom who confronts him. However by the end of the conversation he has your mom convinced that it’s not his fault because he’s just a guy. Plus she shouldn’t have been dressed the way she was, she was just begging him to want to try to get with her. He gives all his friends’ condoms to make sure they don’t get anyone pregnant, but refuses to help your sister or her friends get birth control in case one of the men decides not to use protection.

He starts demanding more rent and money for bills from you, saying that it’s your responsibility to pitch in to the family. Except you find out that he hasn’t actually pitched in any of his own money to the family, or any other family he’s been a part of for years. He constantly dines and dashes, stiffs the delivery driver, hides things in his cart so he doesn’t have to pay for them, and just chalks it up so smart ways to save money. He is a cheat and a liar and yet your whole family is convinced he is a genius with money. He demands to be allowed to claim you on his taxes, but won’t show you the taxes, nor will he give you any of the money he gets from claiming you.

He removes rules that your dad had in place for years, but doesn’t put any rule in their place. He gets mad that your dad had so many rules, and now he wants to be head of the house, so he removes every rule that reminds him of your dad. Now your sister is being a racist and doesn’t care because the new guy won’t tell her it’s wrong. He never says he’s okay with it, but never actually comes out and tells her to stop. Your brother has been harassing women at school, and when he comes home just tells your mom that it can’t be a bad thing since the new guy gets away with it.

Then your mom decides to go and get engaged to him and things just start getting worse and worse and yet your family is convinced that the worse is progress. They are convinced that since he is the opposite of dad that he MUST be right in everything he does. Plus the fact that he goes out of his way to shoot you down every time you speak up against him doesn’t help. You are trying so hard to make your family aware of everything that you see, but all they here is whining from you and they just write you off like you don’t really understand. They now equate you with their pain of dad leaving and the household falling apart, so you are now the enemy. No one is willing to sit down and even attempt to hear you out. They only listen so they can know what to say you shoot you down when you try to argue. All of their facts are things that he has told them, and so many of them are just plain lies. However since he swears that he has their best interests in mind, they are following him to the end of the world.

Friday was their wedding, and you felt sick to your stomach the entire day. You kept praying and hoping that something would happen and you would be able to stop this day from coming, but now it’s Monday and they are married, and you feel like you’ve lost. You tried so hard to warn them, so hard to keep him accountable, so hard to make them see things in the right light, and all of it was for nothing. He is here now, and you are stuck with him.