Pockets are a feminist issue. Pockets are a class issue. Dedicated histories have been written on pockets. Research has been conducted. I appreciate all of it, because I simply adore a pocket. Even Ötzi (born 3345 BCE), popularly known as the Iceman (so popular in fact that Brad Pitt got a tattoo of him), loved a pocket. In his case, to carry flint and dried tinder fungus. Pitt probably loves a pocket.

Women, too, love pockets. And yet, we are continually stifled. It is thought it was circa the 17th century when pockets began to be sewn into clothes; men’s clothes, but not women’s. (Although the word pocket is a reference to the pouches women wore around their waists.) Pocket inequality remains: a 2018 study by website The Pudding found that pockets on women’s jeans were 48% shorter and 6.5% narrower than those on men’s. Often, garments for women don’t even have pockets. Worse is the trend for fake pockets. I don’t know who invented this charade, but I wish them a life of standing barefoot on upturned plugs.

I was constantly chastised when growing up for never carrying a wallet or purse. I didn’t see the point, when I could enjoy skipping about, arms free to climb trees, give high-fives, or smoke. I continue to stuff the usual items into pockets: keys, phone, debit card – even though I always carry a rucksack.

But I think my real love of pockets comes from standing in meetings with both hands slipped into well-cut trouser pockets (thumb out, of course), pretending to be at least eight times more intelligent and mature than I actually am (see also: wearing polo necks). In the summer, this is flipped to standing in a park, hands tucked into the back pockets of denim shorts, pretending to be at least eight times cooler than I actually am.

Some actual pockets are as infuriating as fake ones. The tiny jean pocket, for example, which was originally meant for cowboys’ watches. (Hence, “pocket watch”.) If I use this at all, it is for change. Apparently, it is now known in the industry as a coin pocket, though in the past it’s also been a match or ticket pocket.

It has also been called a “condom pocket”, a name popularised by a 2006 Levi’s 501 advert, shot by Michel Gondry in moody black and white over a techno soundtrack. I don’t tend to carry condoms in my pockets — mostly because I think any girlfriend might be bemused. But I will never tire of the freedom to carry basically everything else.