Because, heaven forbid, we age, get fat or get ugly, it is unlikely that gyms will go out of fashion any time soon. Which makes the arrival of a gym for your face a necessary phase two in our mission to halt the ravages of time. The beauty of FaceGym, described as a workout for your face rather than a facial, is that, unlike the actual gym, it is passive. You lie down while someone applies weights to your face. And, like all good workouts, it is a mix of pain and pleasure – the reward being, in theory, a younger, better-looking you.

Although FaceGym has been around for a couple of years, it has been rebooted to counter some more modern facial issues. And the menu, which is both comprehensive and depressing, reflects that. There is now “Phone Face” (the furrowed brow caused by overthinking your Tweets), “Runner Face” (facial muscle sagging caused by running), alongside more prosaic problems such as “Winter Face” (cold weather on skin), “Sugar Face” and “Fat Face”.

Feel the burn … Morwenna has a facial workout. Photograph: Morwenna Ferrier

So is there any science behind FaceGym? “There are a lot of muscles in your face,” says its resident beauty therapist, Marly. “So what’s the difference between doing a workout on your face and and one your legs?”

Good point. Although, the price (a 30-minute treatment costs £40) is a lot dearer than an aerobics class. Your hair is scraped back, a balm is applied to the face and a choreographed battering begins – pummelling, kneading and massaging. There are nods to the gym: toning (pushing a tiny medicine ball into your face), and “cardio”, which feels a lot like being slapped. Still, it is oddly relaxing – not unlike the masochism-lite you get from pressing a bruise.

FaceGym comes at an interesting time for anti-ageing treatments. Botox, which is about to celebrate 15 years of paralysing, is on the wane, and FaceGym offers a holistic, non-invasive alternative. The final warm-down, as it were, involves rubbing an Xtreempulse stick on to your face. These £350-ish devices are referred to by beauticians as the “anti-Botox” or “notox” method – they involve passing an electrical current through your muscles instead of freezing them – and already have a waiting list. But does it work? It is hard to tell from one go, but it has certainly made me vainer, which is exactly what the world doesn’t need.