As some of you readers might know, this is not the first time Iowa has been retaliatory towards programs of cardinal or scarlet plumage.

For those of you that don’t follow the Big 10 loop, or are just r/outoftheloop entirely, Ohio State made a filing on August 8th to trademark the word “the”.

After seeing that singular words in a dictionary can be trademarked, Brian Ferentz wanted to take things a step further.

“I saw that The Team Out East was trademarking “THE” so I thought we could really sell Iowa’s storied postseason success literally to recruits,” Brian said, “trademarking both “January Bowl™ and Outback™ show our legacy of successes never gets past January 1st. By the way, who the hell else even coaches in January Bowl™s? Definitely not Little Brother™ Matt Campbell!”

Brian, the only honorary member of Iowa’s America Needs Another Lawyer program, brings historical insight (bowls) to the program, as he graduated with a bachelor’s degree in history in 2006. Brian is also excited to announce that Outback™’s coconut shrimp will be exclusively served at Kinnick, causing local bathrooms to flood in the local Johnson County area.

The best news out of all of this has been withheld until the end of this piece, which is that Gary Barta got one extension for every inclusion of the word “THE” in this article.