by verge_of_neurosisarrgh » Wed Aug 12, 2009 3:25 pm

I'm a 23year old female, been smoking weed for 10years now and decided I just can't afford it anymore and I need to start dealing with things rather than just smoking and thinking 'F#*% it!'



So here I am, Day 4, i'm about ready to kill someone, my moods are so extreme I feel like I literally am on the verge of neurosis (hence the name) I've kicked off on a friend, I hate my boyf and the thought of seeing him is making me grit my teeth. He has done nothing!



I am straying from anger to sadness to just complete tears and I don't know what to do for best - the only fortunate thing I have had so far is the ability to sleep.

Anxious breathing, confusion and a general strain on everything, I have never felt so messed up.



I really don't want to have a joint to make it go away, because sooner or later i'm going to have to stop and I feel i've come this far don't fall back now.



I have spent YEARS defending pot, all the benefits all the greatness, denying any negatives bar anxiety. Well, here I am, the epitome of a weed smoker showing all the marvellous issues and reasons of why you shouldn't smoke it regualrly!



I'm going to walk tonight, then take a hot bath. I;m going to try my best to avoid snapping at people or breaking down into tears.



I odn't want pills, I don't want to have a drink. I just want to get past this bad mood swings and stress and depression and anxiety feeling and feel remotely normal. I want to smile n feel happy without a joint beforehand.



I wish i'd never starteda nd at the same time i wish i'd never stopped.



Now i'm worried maybe it;s been holding me together all this time and i'm falling apart withut it. I hope i'm wrong and that by Saturday im on an up.



I'd say pray for me but I don't believe in that stuff. I just have hope, and a very small hope at that :(