It always amused me hugely when Spurs wore ‘Pony’ kit, but just because they don’t any more I don’t see why we can’t have fun with some good old Tottenham Cockney Rhyming Slang.

White Hart Lane Torture and pain Sit in the Shelf All by yourself Match summary by Hoddle Load of old twaddle Attacking formation Certain relegation ’Arry Redknapp Load of crap AVB Gone by January Younes Kaboul What a fool Kyle Walker Bit of a porker Sebastien Bassong Gets defence wrong Tom Huddlestone Always outdone Gareth Bale Champions League Fail Van Der Vaart Silly tart Jermaine Jenas Tiny penis Luka Modric Impertinent titch Alan Sugar Silly bugger Aaron Lennon Utter lemon Jan Vertonghen Total wrong’un Levy’s backing Definite sacking Christian Gross Relegation was close Title winning form Hardly the norm David Bentley Success infrequently Jermain Defoe England’s woe

Now you may say that perhaps Tottenham Cockney Rhyming Slang shouldn’t exist, because Tottenham didn’t become part of London until 1965 when Greater London was created as a municipal area. But I say let them in. London is big enough to welcome all and sundry.

If you look at the comments you’ll see that NewsNow have done their usual trick of putting any mention on Spurs in their Tottenham list, hence the plethora of Spurs fans commenting. Sorry Spurs fans, I can’t help what aggregator sites do, but try and keep a sense of humour about it (some have, so well done to those).

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