WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT

Speaking from his new island home, Comrade Peter Dutton has today confirmed that he’s refusing to march to the beat of the government’s drum.

Locked up in the inhumane conditions he is ironically responsible for on the Christmas Island Detention Centre, the newly converted leftie has explained that he refuses to put the jackboots back on.

“Those days are gone mannnnn,” he sighed while etching some Marxist propaganda onto one of the walls of the detention centre.

His comments come after Prime Minister Scott Morrison and the Coalition begged Dutton to come out of retirement now there is an actual border security crisis, not just an opportunity to pick on some extremely vulnerable asylum seekers with different coloured skin to his.

“Yeah, maybe there is an actual border security crisis now, with hordes of coronavirus cruise ships refusing to leave Australian waters, returned Australians riddled with the covid streaming through our airports, and people coming from overseas flaunting the social distancing regulations,”

“An actual crisis that is destroying the Australian way of life and taking lives, but my days of being a border security hardman are over,” explained the man who has gone missing in recent weeks.

“I used to live to stop the boats, I mean I made it the primary national issue I used to enjoy it so much. But now I’m more interested in expanding my mind than doing anything about these boats flooding in,” he continued, before pulling a big old billy of contraband Chrissy Island bush bud.

“Now that I’ve taken the jackboots off, it’s become my mission to ensure that I do everything to ensure we bring down this fucking fascist government that is constantly encroaching on the liberties of its people as a result of consistent scare campaigns.”

“I mean look what they’ve done since corona. It’s fucked man,” explained Comrade Dutton in light of his harsh encryption, deportation, counter-terrorism, and border security laws.

“We’ve gotta keep fighting the good fight. Even if that means not doing my job at the time when I most need to be doing it after spending my entire political career masquerading as a man who never backs down from a fight and goes to any lengths necessary to protect the Australian people.”

“Here, have a look at this dream catcher I made. What you reckon?”