And the plot thickens! We have secret financial woes, broken bones, staged injuries, and clandestine romances! Sanditon is very different from anything we’ve seen from our beloved Jane Austen catalogue, but that is NOT a complaint. Jane Austen was a saucy minx, and I believe she would have been more shocking and overt had she the freedom to do so.

I have no idea if it’s true, but I like to believe Jane Austen was a cautious yet unapologetic bisexual who would probably love all the bare bums on this show.

After his encounter with Charlotte at the beach (you may have forgotten because I barely mentioned it in my last recap, so just FYI, Charlotte saw Sidney NAKED), he told his pals all about it then got roaring drunk. Apparently it wasn’t that she had seen him NAKED (because remember, he was NAKED), it was what she had said (that he was the last person she wanted to see).

Huh. It’s almost like he CARES ABOUT WHAT SHE THINKS or something. So interesting and unexpected.

There wasn’t enough entertainment in Sanditon to keep Sidney’s pals there, so they were off to London, but first…

Babs asked to write to Esther and she was about 94% repulsed by the idea. He IS wearing her down! She even admitted that there’s nothing explicitly wrong with Babs, she just doesn’t want him because the only man she does want is Sir Cockheadford. *barf* *and not because they’re step-siblings* *it’s because he’s a douche, in case that wasn’t clear* *barf some more*

Meanwhile, the creepy Rev was droning on about how women are trash and shouldn’t have thoughts or feelings, and should be governed by men always and forever. Griffiths was all, “oh for sure, women are delicate scum-filled dolls, haha, what a charming afternoon!” Then they all showed their paintings.

I have no idea what Georgiana drew, but it was obviously naughty, and I want to see it so BAD, you guys.

Sidney had to stay behind in Sanditon to scold Georgiana for not being a precious shame-filled vessel. Then he left and ran into Charlotte and both of them pretended not to explode internally, and he was all, “I can’t escape you… in my heart”, and she was like, “what?” and he was all, “what?” and then she was like, “did you just…” and he was like, “I said I can’t escape you.” And she was like, “I thought I heard…” and he was like, “nuh uh, BYE.”

Then Georgiana asked Charlotte what she thought of Sidney and our girl was like, “hahaha, what I don’t even… I wouldn’t know, hahaa, *ahem* what was the question?”

I love this lady friendship. More please!

Doctor Fuchs, who can only be described as comically German, arrived and immediately began to intensely flirt with Mary directly in front of Tom. Haha, get it, girl! Mary is a legit treat, and I hope Tom appreciates her as such!

We got a deeper look at the dynamics of Diana and our boy Arthur. It seems she’s the real hypochondriac, and he just goes along with it. I have to assume our boy is going to break free of this pattern at some point, thereby knocking some sense into Diana, too. *crosses fingers* #ArthurWantsToBreakFreeeeeeee

Anyway, the doctor party, much like PineappleGate 1817, was awkward and filled with tense strife. Clara and Sir Pukeford sexual tensioned at each other while quibbling about the inheritance. Esther convinced Mean Old Rich Lady to get rid of Clara by saying how charitable it was to keep her, which is apparently the worst thing MORL can be called (LOL). Sidney was rude and bored, and the smell of Tom’s desperation filled the room like a meat toot.

Clara volunteered to take a shower-bath to show the healing properties of water (honestly, Fuchs is NOT wrong there). She was enjoying herself until she got the idea to burn her own arm in a play for sympathy, which shockingly worked. Mean Old Rich Lady’s distain for doctors won over her aversion to charity. So to prove a point, she expelled the doctor from the premises, and doted on Clara.

Damn, Clara. Talk to somebody.

Poor Doctor Fuchs! Caught up in a scheming inheritance battle, when all he wants to do is bring the soothing, healing powers of a good long shower to the masses.

Meanwhile, Stringer had been requesting more labourers and equipment to no avail, and so his dad had to pitch in and put his back into it. Or, more accurately, his leg.

Charlotte and Stringer’s flirt-fest was rudely interrupted by his dad’s bone protruding from his leg. Charlotte, being the badass, capable, crush-worthy heroine she is, sprung into action immediately and took care of business, catching the admiration of a certain someone.

Ripping a lady’s skirt so she can make a tourniquet is the kind of flirting I am here for. Anyway, they got Dr. Fuchs to come back and save Daddy Stringer, while Sidney and Charlotte helped.

Look, I will take any interaction as relationship-fodder, and when Sidney kindly told Stringer to wait outside, my heart sang, “THEY SHALL BE BEST FRIENDS”, and now I want it SO BAD. Just shoot some hoops, see how it goes.

Anyway, after some love-interest-musical-chairs, Charlotte was left alone with Sidney.

They both admitted that maybe perhaps they dismissed each other unfairly, and maybe perhaps they are totally in love now (I may be paraphrasing).

“Our meeting down at the cove. I hope you weren’t too embarrassed.”

“Why should I be embarrassed? I was fully clothed.”

Bahahahaha, you guys, Charlotte verbally sticking it to Sidney is my very favourite thing.

Meanwhile, Queen Esther saw through Clara’s 3 act play and went to confront her through the guise of reading to her.

This was very intense and I was angry with / felt horrible for both of these women. They think they’re fighting for the same thing, but they’re not. Esther doesn’t care about the money, she only needs it so she can be with Sir Tootbags. Clara doesn’t care about Sir Assington, she’s just using him to get the money.

“You have no idea what I endured before I came here, and you have no idea what I am prepared to do to ensure I stay.”

Girls, just WORK IT OUT. Clara has obviously come from a background of abuse. Why can’t they all just live in the same house together?? Why can’t the ladies tell Sir Stupidfaceford to take a hike, and then they can invite some more ladies to live in the house with them Golden Girls style? You all KNOW a Sanditon/Golden Girls mashup is everything you didn’t know you needed.

Stringer told Tom off about not giving him the labour and equipment necessary to build Tom’s dream in a safe and timely manner, and Tom agreed. He said he would provide more funds, and I’M SURE IT’S FINE.

Charlotte and Sidney played with the children and basically admitted with their eyes that they’re in love with each other, but we’re only on episode three, so I look forward to / am dreading whatever it is that will keep them apart for four to five more episodes.

“Can we not rewrite our history, if we find it disagreeable?” *swoon*

Anyway, she came up with the idea for a regatta to draw visitors to Sanditon and save the town. Tom loved it so much that he white-man-ed her by taking credit! Yay! A regatta! The town is saaaaaaved!

Except…

Oh dear, seems Tom is low on funds after all. So all that stuff he just promised Stringer? Yeahhhh… let’s hope that loan he asked Sidney to acquire for him from the bank comes through.

Then they all went on a merry walk on the beach where Sidney was all, “we’re totally in love now, right?” (with his eyes) and Charlotte was like, “obviously,” (with her eyes), and then he asked her to look out for Georgiana, which I hope is more like a, “support her in her time of distress,” rather than a, “babysit her and report back,” kind of deal. Do NOT mess with that lady-friendship, Sanditon!

Georgiana the sneaky minx told Sidney she’ll try to behave, then immediately started writing a mystery letter to a mystery man!

DRAMAAAAAAAAA is about to unfold! Not hard to put together that this fellow is the reason she had to leave London. What do we think? That he’s simply “below her station” and therefore they can’t be together, or is it something more sinister?

What did you guys think of the third instalment of our new favourite show? There was a stark drop in the percentage of bare bums, but I suppose one doesn’t want to be spoiled (OR DOES ONE??).

SOME STUFF

“I shall sit beside you, Aunt. There is nothing I enjoy more than hearing you pass judgement.” Hahaha, classic Esther.

Speaking of, I think (and don’t get mad), but I think I ship Esther with Clara. They both should sluff off Sir Fartfaceington and team up with each other, and then accidentally fall in love.

Shoutout to Mary getting some accidental humour this episode, asking Charlotte about her walk by the beach, and if “anything impressive” had caught her eye. Baahahaha, girl IF YOU KNEW.

Sidney and Tom catching Charlotte under the desk in his office… LOL until the end of time.

“They have the sea, the air, the milk from my asses!” Ha, Lady Denham, what kind of town are you running?

Something I’m liking about this show is that even when something is played for laughs, you can tell there’s another layer behind it. Diana is a hypochondriac, and my, isn’t that just SO hilarious, and it’s it just SO funny that Arthur goes along with it? What fools they seem! I have a feeling we’ll find out why these two are the way they are, and I look forward to digging a little deeper into it. (Is this wishful thinking? No don’t tell me!) #MoreArthurParker

After saving Pappa Stringer, Doctor Fuchs gets to stay!! Yay!! He is delightful.

There are many things to be thankful for in this modern world, but a nice long hot shower is chief among them. What’s your favourite song to sing in the shower? Mine is Rainbow Connection by Kermit the Frog.

Lots of 90s references in this recap. *shrugs* I am who I am.

How many of you simply couldn’t wait for more Sanditon and went ahead and got PBS Passport to binge it all? How many of you did it in one day? It’s okay, you can admit it, this is a safe space.

THAT’S IT FROM ME, OKAY BYE, STAY SAFE OUT THERE, FRIENDS!