a/n: I don't own "Harry potter." WARNING: Character deaths, and tragedy. Also some suggestive content.

Everything twas fine at hogwardrts school for witchcraft and buggery, until one day when the evil giant squid who lived in the lake bwlloewd lowdly, "I DEMAND A SACRIFICE!"

Everyone screamed in horror. Then, bravely, Nymphomania Tonks stepped out onto the scene.

"Take me," Tonks said somolmely. "I will sacrifice myself to save Hogwarts."

"No tonks!" screamed Nevill Longbottom. "Take me instead!"

"I don't want u tonks!" the squid bellowed. I'm not turned on by pink hair."

"Look," tonks turned her hair blonde and long. "Is this better?"

"I DEMAND….HERMIONE GRANGER!"

"NO!" Hermione screamed and fainted.

"NO!" Harry shouted. "I love her!"

"Bitch!" Ginny weasley yelled, because ginny liked harry, but didn't really love him, because Ginny is evil and a mary sue, incapable of real love.

Suddenly, the squid shot ink from his mouth, and hit ginny in the eyes. Ginny screamed and fell from a tall tower, and landed on a spike that drove thru her chest, just like Top Dollar at the end of "the crow". Ginny screame and died.

"OMG they killed ginny!" ron shook his fist.

"You basterds!" harry shouted. "But still I love hermione."

"Wait," Tonks whispered. "I have a plan."

The squid waited and waited. Then suddenly Hermione came out of the castle, dressed in lacy red lengirey, with slutty make up, and a pearl necklace, and fishnet stockings (haha geddit, FISH nets?), and hair up in a messy bun. "OK squid," she said. "here I am come and get me."

The squit seized her around the wiast with his tenticles, and pulled her under the water. Hermione screamed an d thrashed but to no avail. He tied her up with his tanticls spread eagle, and began to tear at her clothes. He pressed his suckers to her boobs, and pulled off the front of her lenginray dress, ripping it. Her big white boobs with pink English nipples flopped out. He pressed his suckers over her nipples and sucked deeply. Hermione groaned in orgasm. Then with another tentacle, he finished ripping off the rest of her dress, and pulled off her fishnets. She shook her head back and forth. Her underpants were all that was left. He ripped them off, and cast them aside. Then, to hermione's horror, a super-large tentacle began to snake up her leg, coiling around her knee. It crept up her thigh, closer and close. Heroine's blood began to rush faster, and the tentacle crept closer and closer to….

AUTHRO'S NOTE: I am going to skip the scnee with intercourse, because otherwise that would make this story a pornography. I am a Christian, and while I am not an extremist and think sex is healthy and natural, I do not believe in porn. The romance and feelings and emotions are what is important about this tale, not the sex. So I know that no one will actually mind. I'm just explaining here.

After wards, hermioine and the squide lay in the squid's bed, smoking it off. The squid had a newspapaer, and a pipe. Herimoine sighed and rolled over.

"that was craszy squid," she said. "Too bad the REAL Hermione was off having sex with harry potter!"

"What do u mean!" the squid demanded.

Hermione magically transformed. Her hair got shorter, spiker, and pink. Her eyes grew small and dark. Her height got taller and her boobs shrank.

"WHAT! " the squid shrieked. "I JUSTFUCKED A GOTH CHICK?"

"I perfur the turm punk." Tonks said proudly.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The squid was so mad that he exploded, and everyone ate sushi that nite at Hogwarts, there was enough giant squid to feed everyone in the castle. but tonks never fortot that fateful ngiiht, she shared with the handsome giant squid and his handsome, long, hard tenticles.

THE END.