As Disney prepares for D23 this weekend, some travelers are making last-minute arrangements to get to Anaheim for the big event. However, contrary to popular belief, tickets are not exactly selling out as expected. Read on after the break to find out what’s up!

Faking Star Wars correspondent IG-69 was on hand, posing as a tourist in Anaheim this week and got the scoop on what must be a very embarrassing situation for Disney. Tickets to D23 have been selling at a trickle.

“According to Disney, the event is sold out, but I visited several ticket seller sites on the electronic inter-webs machine that was hawking tickets two-for-one, and at a 95% discount. I even found one ticket in the bottom of a Cracker Jack box! Bupkis!” –IG-69 for FakingStarWars.net

Apparently fans have been loathed to sign up due to expectations that the event will feature Star Wars news, leaks, and merchandising. After the spectacular failure of the Galaxy’s Edge theme park this summer, Disney fans are afraid to invest any more time or money into a toxic company with holdings in the Star Wars brand.

One fan explained, “Star Wars is dead. Like the past. True Disney fans want to distance themselves from the toxicity and horribleness that is Star Wars. Hopefully at D23 it won’t even be mentioned.”

Due to this organic boycott and total disinterest in this year’s D23, many die-hard fan sites have been speculating about more efficient ways for Disney to get the info about new Star Wars to fans.

One fan started a petition on Change.org titled “Make Disney release new Star Wars info at the Taco Bell down the street from my food stamps’ dispensary.” At the time of writing, this petition had an overwhelming 32 signatures, with all signs indicating an increase is inevitable.

Other companies that rely on D23 hype for revenue have taken other tactics. Buddy Kind, owner of “Star Wars Edibles” stated the following:

“Oh man bro. We had some great new kid-friendly THC goodies in store for this year’s D23. I’m talking chocolate-covered salacious gummies, spaced-out Saw Gerrera vapes, Jedi Gels, and Dank Death Sticks. Now I think I’m gonna have to start selling at the elementary school playground or online, bro.”

Lack of interest in Star Wars has not gone without notice at Disney, of course. Between massive gulps of Bacardi 151, Iger responded to our phone call saying, “[Hiccup] Look my dudes, Star Wars is a classic property. [Burp] It’ll always have value. Bleeee, you got some beverage? Always beverage for beverage!”

It would seem that the news is still out over how Disney plans to recover from what has been a disastrous season for Star Wars. Keep it tuned to Faking Star Wars to see how all this plays out by year’s end!

As always, stay tuned to FakingStarWars.net for all the finest Star Wars comedy, parody, and satire in the galaxy. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook and subscribe to our podcast on iTunes or Google Play for even more unbelievable news from a galaxy far, far away. Also, consider supporting us on Patreon… for as little as a buck a month, you can help us fake harder, better, faster, stronger.

—Storm Duper