Equality! That’s what we want, right? That’s what feminism is all about, yeah? Um, no, not really. What we need is the liberation of women from men, from patriarchy, and the destruction of gender, misogyny and capitalism which protect it. All talk of equality is just to placate us and to make ourselves feel better. It’s an illusion. It’s all hollow promises that if only WE women do things better, if only WE change ourselves, then everything will be rosy. Like an article in a woman’s magazine called “10 ways to get ready for the beach” that lists all sorts of body-shaming nonsense it insists are necessary before you’re allowed and acceptable to achieve something completely natural, when all you need to be ‘ready for the beach’ is to go to the seaside and step on the sand, what we need as women to just stop the daily water torture we put up with is not to try to follow an exhaustive, contradictory, impossible and ever-shifting list of what we need to do before men accept we’re as human as them, but the simple instructions: smash patriarchy, start again.

You couldn’t have racial equality and slavery co-existing, this is obvious and offensive to anyone – so why do people think we can achieve equality of the sexes under patriarchy? How can we have equality in a system that defines all worth as that deemed masculine? When the male and the masculine are the default, and female and women are Other, there can be no equality, only a delusion that we are diminishing or rejecting Otherness by an adoption, a performativity of the default masculine.

Equality in a patriarchal society is a subjective term; entirely created from the subjectivity of an androcentric, misogynist, hierarchical system of oppression and control.

We talk of women ‘asking for’ equality, ‘demanding’ it, and ‘fighting for it’. This makes it sound like we’re expecting to benevolently be given something that we don’t innately have or deserve. Even at its best, society’s response to the demand for female equality has been like a parent kindly but patiently refusing to give in to a 3 year old’s tantrum for treats, or fobbing them off with a single chocolate button.

The concept of equality is an oxymoron when we have to ask for it, because that turns it into something optional, or a theory, not something innately already existent and deserved.

We do not need men to give us equality. It is not theirs to give. If they were going to bother acknowledging that we are as human and worthy as them, they would have done so by now. They benefit from patriarchy more than they benefit from equality, even the men who reject it genuinely and actively, and the men who suffer from the poison of patriarchy in their own ways.

Equality has been twisted from expecting the same basic rights as men, such as voting rights, property rights, marital rights, employment rights, and so on, into ‘being like men’. Now, this might sound like I’m suggesting that there’s some sort of gender essentialism, but I’m not – as a radical feminist, I believe in the abolition of gender, and I believe that these ‘masculine’ traits are a deliberate construction of patriarchy to enforce the supremacy of men over women. When I say ‘being like a man’, I mean the toxic, twisted, abusive, dangerous, privileged versions of humanity that men are trained into being; there’s nothing natural in that. Women’s ‘equality’ has now become a choice of how many of these toxic, anti-human traits that are absolutely the opposite of any true sense of equality, we are willing or capable of integrating.

There is no equality in becoming more like one’s oppressors. Only less humanity.

We have been taught that the route to equality is embracing and engaging with, not only masculinity, but also the worst aspects of toxic masculinity: capitalism, violence, gender rigidity, objectifying and dehumanising sexuality (I would also add organised religion to that mix, as an atheist ).

Like Gerald Ford quipping that his cars were available in every colour, so long as you wanted black, basic equality is available, so long as you conform to masculinity.

To act in any way female or feminine is the ultimate shame for men, yet the idea that masculinisation or complying with masculine tropes is positive is a form of empowerment runs through the concept of equality for women like words through a stick of rock. This is because the standard idea of feminism has been diverted from its original and true aims – the liberation of women from patriarchy – and instead, cleverly co-opted to merely create an updated way for men to control, define, exploit, and demean woman, but with the bonus of them being able to turn round and tell us that this what we’ve asked for, fought for and want, and us unable to cope with the idea that this illusion that gives us our only hope and sense of self, is just that, an illusion.

If we are achieving equality, where is the corresponding shift of men embracing more ‘female’ lifestyles? If the default setting for “what is right for everyone” is not male, then why aren’t more men becoming stay at home fathers, or house husbands, nurses, nursery nurses, cleaners, etc.? The traditional or usual roles for women are still seen as demeaning, or a source of amusement, or even that they are abnormal, for men.

Where are all the articles, the political debates, the movements, and so on, dedicated to men changing themselves and masculine structures within society, in order for equality to progress? Where are the equivalent numbers of men changing their lives and challenging the patriarchal institutions of our culture to change? Why does equality involve only women changing themselves, over and over again, fruitlessly?

What is progressive about telling women that they too, like men always have, are now free to get other women to bring their children up, clean their homes, look after their elderly and infirm relatives? Where is the equality, the freedom, for the women of less advantaged backgrounds being paid a pittance to wipe the arses of strangers? We are in danger of creating a Handmaid’s Tale-esque double-class of women: the rich, glamorous playmates entirely invested in the ruling class of men, served by a forced underclass of skivvy-breeders. Equality is not outsourcing misogynist abuse and exploitation to women more disenfranchised by patriarchy than you.

(There is nothing wrong with employing other women to work for you in these ways so long as it is done with an intention of supporting other women with their employment, and paying them well, and affording them the dignity, rights and respect they deserve. And there is nothing wrong with those jobs – they should be far more respected and well-paid, this is the point)

Being a woman involves the daily swallowing of bile that burns with the knowledge that everything we do, everything we are, everything we like, every expression of us as women, will be seen as not as important as men, will never be seen as natural or a default, will be dismissed, minimalised, ignored, picked apart, found lacking, seen as trivial, silly, pathetic, of little or no value, worth of merit, will be invisible or erased, will be perceived, judged and valued always and only in terms of its worth, usefulness, benefit, relationship or relevance to males. Making ourselves feel better by minimising the things that create the burning pain do not actually work, or only help block it out as much as possible on a temporary basis. The current model of equality is merely like an OTC antacid taken for a daily diet of gulped-down extra hot curries. Nothing is really being resolved or changed for the better.

As women, we should be embracing, no, we have to embrace pacifism, ecology, collectivism, and the like. Don’t the very words give you a secret, thrilling comfort, like your mother’s arms suddenly appearing around you when you fell in the playground as a child? If men cannot or will not give up their violence, their destruction, their obscene consumption, their cult of the individual, then we must dismantle them in ways that are not just about hoping and working for change from within patriarchy. Otherwise, our liberation will remain the escape fantasy of the prisoner. This is how we gain both equality and liberation, this is how we save and support the whole world, not just ourselves. Men are not going do it. And here’s the question we are trained never to ponder – why should it be men doing it anyway?! We need to do it because it needs doing, and we want to and we can. Like everything deemed ‘female’, their power is hidden in plain sight by the propaganda of misogyny telling us how ridiculous and wrong they are. Caring, mothering, peacefulness, nature, etc., is not seen as cool, is sneered at. Because androcentrism has taught us to view them this way. Disengaging from that is hard. The biggest lie ever sold to modern women is that caring is not cool. And, of course, patriarchy makes sure that it is not cool, or even positive, half the time. Violence is glamourised, women’s bodies are seen as only positive when they are pleasing and servicing men.

We are taught to be so scared and ashamed of not being what men deem ‘cool’ or correct. Especially if you are heterosexual. Of not being young and slim and conventionally pretty, of not being sexy in a hairless, childless, inhuman doll-like way. Of having bodies with flaws and faults and needs and problems. Of not pleasing them and getting their approval and doing what they want. Of having ideas and opinions that are as valid, or sometimes more valid, than their own. Of having intelligence and confidence, and a voice we will not quieten or make nice. Of taking up our rightful amount of space, literally and figuratively in life. Of having lives at all, lives that matter as much as theirs. Of having power. Of not being ‘feminine’, and compliant, and sweet, and docile, and helpful, and ever-giving. Of not being responsible for their behaviour and every need and want. Of doing jobs that androcentrism declares inferior or trivial or worthless or pointless. Of producing or enjoying creative endeavours and media that they deem nonsense or lesser. Of refusing to stand down if something is unacceptable. Of not being defined by them. Of being invisible to them. Of being ourselves.

We are taught to be scared and ashamed of being women – of being adults. Of being human.

Let’s get rid of that empty, nonsense buzzword ’empowerment’ whilst we’re at it. It really means ‘please uphold patriarchy in a way we’re brainwashing you into believing is a cool way to feel good’. Empowerment is not trying harder to be more like men or do things that men approve of and want. And it all too often means reinforcing gender stereotypes, colluding with the objectification and dehumanisation of women, physically hurting or even mutilating yourself, giving men what they want, centring and prioritising men and their needs, ideas and dicks, hating yourself and never feeling good enough, disconnecting from a sense of self and connection with others, competing with other women. That’s the opposite of power. Removing all your body hair, having labiaplasty and boob jobs to look like porn stars is not empowerment. Do it if you want, but don’t sell yourself short by mistaking the relief of ‘following the rules’ with any genuine sense of freedom. Few of us are immune to this, however minimally that might be; personally, I wear make-up, but I do so with the angry self-awareness that I haven’t yet managed to break through the fear of not being acceptable by at least appearing to strive to be perfect, youthful and blandly beautiful.

Patriarchy wants us women to be divided. Let’s refuse. Let’s have equality between other women. Let’s fight for the rights that should always have been ours, yes, but let’s reject the models of what patriarchy deems equality and empowerment. Let’s take back the true power of love and caring and support and powerful bodies that men have twisted into a debasing servitude that we’ve had to fight to escape. Let’s make our bodies our own, make them strong and active, their worth defined by us, and love them and use them for us, our lives, any children we may have. Let’s start making equality ourselves; let’s care for our sisters, locally and globally, and unite, let’s care for our planet and all living things. Let’s do these things not just regardless of men’s approval and permission and despite and because of men’s dismissal of these things, but because those do not matter. Let’s care about people and things that are not men and male for bloody once.

Let’s make the change, not ask for it. True equality means having agency. Let’s just act and keep going, without waiting for permission which will never come. The biggest lie in the world is that women cannot be, or do, anything without men, when the truth is, the whole world is nothing without us.

This is what we need, this is what we must work and fight for – liberation from patriarchy, not scrapping for the crumbs of what it calls equality. We don’t need to be defined as free by men, we need to be actually free, as women. – EP