1 question “what’s the hardest thing you’ve had to deal with in your life”

1000 ways to answer this…I won’t do all of them but I will go through some of the answers that I have for this question.

Answer number 1: battling my body on a daily basis, knowing that every morning I wake up the pain is still there and that it won’t ever leave. Knowing that I’m 21 years old and it’s only going to get worse. So many doctors have told me that this is going to get worse and that management is key, which is fine however some days I’m not in the mood to manage it and I just want to let it wash over me and consume me. Waking up every day and feeling like you haven’t slept, like you have pulled an all nighter when actually you’ve had 9 hours sleep.

Answer number 2: Battling my own brain and head to fight my mental health before it takes over my life and potentially has the power to make me hurt even more. So this may upset a few people but last night I officially felt like I had hit rock bottom. If it hadn’t been for Ross talking to me and calming me down, if it hadn’t been for him I would have self harmed and ended up in a terrible state. Yes I am admitting that last night I almost self harmed. I felt like a waste of space, like no one would be bothered if I did, I’m just another person on a planet of millions of people, no one would notice just one more person overcome by mental health. And I’m sorry if this upsets my family or my friends but it’s the truth and I always promised myself that these posts would be truthful, no sugar coating or making it look like something it’s not. If Ross hadn’t been there to support me last night would have been very different. Mental health is not a joke and I will never see it as one people need to speak about mental health openly to help others and encourage others to not be ashamed.

Answer number 3: Being disabled and all my disabilities being invisible. Having to battle with the general public that yes I have every bloody right to park in that disabled space because I have a blue badge. Yes I can walk that doesn’t mean that you can judge me for needing extra support and judge me for using a parking space. I’m not happy with my life I’m not sure I ever will be or will ever come to terms with all this shit that I put up with. It’s always 1 step forward 5 steps back with me and it angers me and makes me unbelievably sad.

Living with problem after problem is not easy and will never be easy but we all get dealt a hand of cards when we’re born, how you play those cards is down to you. Only you can make the choices that you do in life when faced with something difficult or heartbreaking. You only get one set of cards, no do overs no swapping cards once a decision is made and a life choice put in place you can’t go back. Leaving the past behind and playing into the future is the best anyone can do don’t let anything hold you back in life.

Signing off for now

Scarlett x