Badgers announce cull of Government Ministers

Badgers have pledged to bring the number of Government Ministers down to ‘manageable levels’ within five years.

According to badgers, the Minister population has ‘exploded’ in recent years, with 119 ministerial roles being filled by the current government and a further 101 shadow ministerial roles in the opposition.

“Ministers consistently display a clear threat to the badger community and their numbers need to be controlled,” said spokesman Raymond S. Badger.

“For example, back in 2001 a ‘dodgy dossier’ wrongly pinned the Foot and Mouth outbreak on us badgers resulting in hundreds of thousands of deaths.

“These people are dangerous and need to be stopped.”

Debate rages over whether it is more humane for ministers to be shot or poisoned, with many badgers preferring an ‘up close and personal’ approach with a saw-backed combat knife.

Despite complaints from Minister-supporting groups, badgers insist that the scientific consensus backs the cull, with extensive damage caused by the expanding population being cited as a key reason.

“We’ve got fifty barrels of gunpowder and we’re great a digging. We reckon a combination of those two and we’ll be in the cellars of the Palace of Westminster in no time.”

“It’s an old plan, but a good one.”