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DAD of six and parenting educator Justin Coulson just doesn’t touch other people’s children because “it just looks dodgy”.

Despite Dr Coulson being a widely known and highly respected parenting expert, author and speaker, he is acutely aware of his gender — and how he might be perceived — when around children.

“I’ll often be at a park, in an airport, at the shops, and I’ll see a child who’s distressed and crying. The mum’s hands are full, she’s effectively helpless, and I want to help, but I hesitate,” he explains to news.com.au.

“I’m a parenting educator. But I’m terribly concerned what a parent might say or think if a random guy stepped in to comfort a crying baby. I don’t want to be seen to be looking to initiate contact with a child, other than my own.

“There are two reasons for this; a fear of judgment, and it’s also a self-protection mechanism. It’s all about not wanting to be accused of anything, and if I stay away entirely, there’s no risk that that accusation would happen. For most men I’d say it brings peace of mind — it removes any concerns for anyone.

“I’ve had a few dads say they feel a bit concerned if they’re walking into a public toilet with their child, because of how it looks. I had a conversation with a grandfather who said that he personally will not take his grandchildren to the toilet because he just doesn’t want anyone ever to have any kind of suspicion about anything. I know a male music teacher who makes sure the room he teaches in has windows so that people walking past can easily see in.”

Dr Coulson’s comments come after a story news.com.au ran yesterday about a mother who called police because another father took her child out of a swing.

The story ignited fierce debate around several topics including child safety, with many readers posing the question: If the man in this story was instead a woman, would things have been different?

“I wonder if it had been a woman that did that to her child, would she have called the police? I agree it was wrong of the man and respect the right to call the police if you feel unsafe — but can’t help but think the demonisation of men in playgrounds is alive and well,” wrote news.com.au reader ‘Chris’.

Another reader ‘Man of Sydney’ agreed: “It’s rubbish like this that is driving men away from child care, teaching, sports coaching etc. God forbid a man touches a child, or looks at a child, or mentions a child is pretty.”

“As a male, unless it was a ‘do or die’ situation, I would be unlikely to ever help a child for fear of being accused of something. That’s just me, I wouldn’t take the risk and I’m good with that,” wrote ‘Michael of Adelaide’.

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It’s a situation 52-year-old father-of-two Sasha Budic understands first hand, having experienced it when his daughters were younger.

“I was minding my twin girls at the Rose Bay playground when one toddler got stuck in the netting adjacent to the slide,” the Sydney father told news.com.au.

“The kid was panicking so I detangled him and put him on the ground. A woman approached me furiously, holding a mobile in her hand. She hadn’t been paying attention and I think there was a bit of a disassociation, so she panicked when she saw something she wasn’t prepared for. It took me some explaining before she calmed down. It was incredibly embarrassing and I was frankly furious at that time as I was a regular at the playground with my kids but did not know the woman at all.

“That old saying that it takes a village to bring up a child, that’s just not happening anymore. It is so sad. Kids come up to you and want to talk to you in the park, sometimes they’re excited to see a man around. Men should have the freedom to talk to children, to answer their questions, to help them in the park, not to have to ignore the kids.”

“Look I’ve never been judged like that in the playground, but the world we live in these days has changed things for dads,” Scott, a father-of-three from Sydney, told news.com.au.

“I grew up in a caravan park and there were plenty of great men around, from old people to young, and we had a fantastic environment, all trusting, there was never a problem. But you hear a lot about children being abused in the media these days, and it does make a lot of mothers cautious. We are all a little too risk-adverse, and you do feel like sometimes like all men are looked at as a risk.

“For example, I took my 6-year-old son and one of his mates to the park, and the friend had to go to the toilet. And you have to pause and kind of think, is it OK for me to go in with him? In the end I took my son in with me as well, and it was just an awkward moment. He was in my care so what could I do? But if I was a woman, I wouldn’t have thought twice, and no-one would have looked twice.”

And while father of four-year-old twins Nasser Zreika can see exactly where the mother involved in the situation in Ryde was coming from, he too admits to having to think twice in situations involving children.

“At the end of the day as a bloke you’ve got to be aware that you can be intimidating,” concedes Mr Zreika.

“With this situation in the park, I actually think the dad here stepped over the mark and can understand why the mum was upset. If my wife was in the park on her own with the kids it would have been so confrontational. I couldn’t imagine ever going up to a kid and pulling them off the swing. I just don’t think you should forcibly remove another child just to suit yourself. And him being a man, it would have been intimidating.

“That’s just real life, it’s not about being sexist. You’re aware that people are paranoid about things like that these days. Most of the time at the park I have a friendly chat with the other parents, I think it would be the minority who would question it, but you do have to be aware of it,” he said.

But Dr Coulson believes there is some good to be gleaned from this situation. “I do think it’s really sad that men need to be like this, but there’s a positive to it as well. That positive is that we have a greater awareness that dangerous and abusive things can happen,” he explains.

“At a personal level, I would rather have people — men — being careful and my children being safe, rather than ever having to wonder if there’s something going on. I don’t know if that’s the right position, but that’s what it is.”

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