Pay and Display machines being installed on M20 near Dover in readiness for Brexit

Kent County Council has announced that they will be installing Pay and Display machines at twenty-metre intervals along the stretch of the M20 towards Dover in anticipation of a no-deal Brexit.

The move has arisen following predictions of lengthy lorry tailbacks due to border staff at the busy shipping port in Dover not quite knowing how to suddenly process a two to three thousand per cent increase in workload and paperwork with barely any additional resources assigned to help them.

Council leader and leave voter Simon Williams explained, “Well we wouldn’t want to give Project Fear any credence at all, as they are just lies put out by the metropolitan elite to sabotage us getting our sovereignty back, but just in case there are crippling tailbacks for miles and miles, we want to be prepared.

“We can’t have lorries parking up and not giving us any money, even if they didn’t choose to stop in the first place.”

He went on, “The money raised – a mere fifty pence per twenty minutes, which is quite reasonable – is what we call part of the ‘Brexit dividend’, and shall be put straight back into the community, training the elderly to fill the fruit-picking vacancies or to become cleaners and things like that.”

Radio host and failed politician Nigel Farage addressed his listeners saying, “Now, now, there won’t be tailbacks of lorries on the M20, but when there are, you don’t have to pay to park on it in cash.

“I’m sure any self-respecting council will accept four verses of the national anthem as adequate payment.

“Sovereignty is all that matters, you see.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!