Enraged Matt Walsh Nails 95 Theses To Pope's Door

VATICAN CITY—Fed up with the Roman Catholic Church’s inadequate response to recently revealed sex abuse cases dating back decades, popular Catholic conservative commentator Matt Walsh showed up enraged and unannounced at the papal apartment and began hammering in 95 “theses,” or points of discussion, to Pope Francis’s door.

Walsh shaved the top of his head and donned a monastic robe in protest before storming the Pope’s quarters and nailing his demands to the door before Vatican guards could apprehend him. Security quickly converged on his location, but he leaped out of a window, declaring, “You will always remember this as the day that you almost caught… Matt Walsh!” before he jumped.

When finally apprehended while trying to slip out of a side gate, Walsh told the Sacred College of Cardinals, “Here I stand, here I blog, here I record videos calling you out while sitting in the front seat of my car. I can do no other. God help me.”

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