by Sunshine dreamer in life story Tags: hospitalization, Jeremy, personal drama, psych nursing, senior year at Towson

I lived with my ex-fiance for a year and a half, during my senior year of college and the summer into winter afterwards. So much happened during that time frame that we really grew to be too different for each other, although we didn’t officially end our relationship until Summer 2010. My 3rd semester of nursing school started off alright, but that’s also when I took my psych nursing course and noticed that I had more than a few symptoms of bipolar disorder and attention deficit disorder, primarily the inattentive ones. I visited the counseling center on campus and started on Klonopin for anxiety and the starter pack of Lamictal for my mood. I also started seeing a therapist.

The week after I sought psychiatric help turned everything upside down. I had gone to the grocery store after getting off of a 3-11 shift at the local psychiatric hospital. I was unloading groceries from the car and although I needed to make several trips, I decided not to disturb my ex-fiance as he was getting ready for bed and I’m no damsel. I pulled another armful of bags from the front seat of the passenger side to my car and came face to face with a stranger. I won’t do into the details because it’s irrelevant at this point, but I was raped behind the bushes near my apartment complex. I called 911 and went straight to the ER once I got back home, he was caught within a week from raping someone before me, he was put in jail for a long time. I didn’t even have to testify because he took a plea bargain. I know I should have been more upset that he took sexual assault rather than rape and kidnapping, but it’s over now and I’ve been consistently in therapy ever since (which is a good thing that came out of it).

I took a week away from classes and worked harder in school than I ever have before. I made Dean’s list for the first and only time during my college career. My final semester flew by more quickly than I had expected and before I knew it, I was sitting in my Kaplan review class, studying for the NCLEX-RN! I sat for the NCLEX about a month after graduation and started my job as a psych nurse in a community hospital the Monday after I tested.

I spent 12 weeks in orientation on 7p-7a, and an additional 4 weeks because my nurse manager was unpleased and was hoping that she wouldn’t still want to fire me in another 4 weeks. I improved enough and stayed gainfully employed.

Unfortunately, November 2008-December 2009 didn’t go as well for my ex-fiance. He spiraled into a depression after my rape, constantly stayed home from work as a result of his anxiety and fear for my safety, lost his job due to his attendance and remained unemployed for the duration. He still had enough energy to play World of Warcraft, though, while I was battling the role transition from student to nurse. I also went through a horrible trial of medication for my bipolar disorder.

My psychiatrist at the time saw it fit to put me on a combination pill of Zyprexa 5 mg and Prozac 20 mg. It could have worked, but I’ll never see it that way, because I was so sedated all the time! I slept until 5 pm, yelled at my ex-fiance for 30 minutes, and then drove 30 minutes to work. (Yes, I do realize now how unsafe that was!) I encouraged his to see a therapist and he grudgingly did, but did not maintain appointments or display any investment in suggestions his therapist made. We could no longer afford rent and bills on solely my income and there was no way that I could comfortably pick up any overtime. By this time, I’d been seeing a new girlfriend for a couple of months and she and her boyfriend (just google “polyamory” for me if you’re confused!) told me that they had an extra room in their row-house that they’d be interested in letting me rent. My costs went down by 50% AND it was only 5-10 minutes from work; possibly walkable at times, depending on weather conditions (yes, I’m a wimp and would prefer it to be 80 degrees outside at all times, with minimal humidity). I jumped all over it and was living in Baltimore City by January 2010. My ex-fiance moved back in with his parents and we went “long distance”.

I applied to my alma mater, Towson University for their Masters in Nursing Education program and started classes in January 2010. Working 7p-7a and taking classes at 5p on my days off was not as fun as I thought it would be, but I still managed to do well in my first class. I took two classes during the summer of 2010 and was confident enough in myself that I dumped my now ex-fiance. I also started working day shift, which was such a blessing! Never again will I do 12 hour nights. I’ll entertain 3-11 and even 11-7, and maybe I’ll do a 3p-7a double shift if I’m feeling really wacky or desperate, but never will I ever do permanent 12 hour nights.

That’s all I’ll say for now, but I have so much more to tell. Most of it is pretty ugly, but it’s all brought me to the point of stability now.