The Warcraft live-action movie has been rumored for years now, and why not? Warcraft has always been a very profitable property for Blizzard, and you may have heard of its current iteration, World of Warcraft, which is only the undisputed most popular MMORPG of all time. Legendary Pictures actually owns the rights to a movie version of Warcraft, as announced in 2006. The movie has been delayed several times, however, missing its first target release year of 2009 and its second of 2011 completely. It’s still a mystery both when the movie will come out, as well as just what the hell it’s going to be about. Warcraft has dozens of important characters, almost infinite story arcs that could be used to make a compelling story, and spans hundreds of years in its vaunted lore.

Although a draft of the script is said to be completed, it’s not at all public knowledge what the subject is, except that Chris Metzen, Vice President of Creative at Blizzard, has said that it will most likely be told from an Alliance point of view, possibly with a yet-unknown, plucky, “kick-ass human”. I’m not sure if they could have handed us a more vague, general description of a protaganist in an action movie, but we’re gonna work with what we got here and see what we come up with. Again, the story for the movie is not known at this time, but there are plenty of gravely important characters in WoW lore that will almost certainly have at least a cameo appearance in the film. You could go on almost forever casting roles for this movie, as well as nitpick over what the storyline will entail and who will be featured, but I have come up with ones that strike me as particularly nice fits. See if you can picture:

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Triple H as Prince Arthas



I know we cast wrestlers a lot in our Casting Calls, but this is pretty much a match made in nerd heaven. Triple H has the build, the look, and the voice to pull off the tormented son of Terenas Menethil. Plus, he has a decent amount of previous acting experience (Blade Trinity, erm…The Chaperone…?), and a desire to be in more feature films. What better role than to play one of, if not THE most centric role in all of Warcraft lore?

Plus, his whole “King of Kings” persona was basically tailor-made to portray someone like Arthas/The Lich King. Watch his entrance from WrestleMania XXVII and tell me he couldn’t pull off the “Badass Fantasy Character” to a tee:

I can freely admit that this union of medieval imagery and my dear, beloved professional wrestling caused me to have about 45 boisterous, fulfilling-as-hell nerdgasms in succession when I first saw this entrance. Ain’t no shame in it.

Chris Hemsworth as Prince Arthas



Arthas, being such an important and polarized character in Warcraft lore, undergoes such a character transition that depending on the timeline of the movie, his demeanor and thus actor would have to be reconsidered. Here’s Russ’ take on a younger, noble Arthas:

If the majority of the film were to feature Arthas fully fused in the Lich King persona, then I wouldn’t disagree with Pat’s Triple H sentiment at all. It’d parallel David Prowse as Vader back in the original Star Wars trilogy, considering all he’d have to do is stalk around in a heavily armored suit and lend his gruff tenor (which would be digitally altered anyways) to such lines as “Frostmourne hungers.”

But in any Warcraft film that features Arthas, you have to depict his days as a noble young paladin to reveal the paths chosen and the decisions made which led to his ultimate corruption. That’s why Chris Hemsworth, who played a character of similar arrogance and power in Thor, is my pick to bring more credibility and acting chops to such a significant role.

Others considered: Christian Bale (if for the Batman voice alone), Leonardo DiCaprio, Brandon Routh.

Kristanna Loken as Lady Sylvanas Windrunner



Sylvanas is my favorite character in all of WoW lore (Yes, I have a favorite Warcraft lore figure, and before you ask, surprisingly I’m not a virgin), so the person playing her has to be perfect. She has to be moody, but vigilant. Self-willed, but cruel intentioned and vindictive. Sylvanas’ character is tormented by own lack of humanity, after Arthas attempted to murder and subsequently raise her as a part of his unliving Scourge. Sylvanas perservered and retained her free will—albeit in a new, ghastly frame—and leads a group of like-minded undead called the Forsaken in a quest for retribution against the wretched Lich King.

Kristanna Loken played the eponymous character in the critically panned and universally hated BloodRayne live-action movie, and while the movie sucked, it certainly wasn’t her fault: it was this a-----e’s.



I hate you too, you son of a bitch.

Uwe Boll has made a career out of making an open mockery out of video game plots by haphazardly translating them to film. You’d get better use out of your nine bucks by giving Uwe Boll the money to violently rape you; at least you might be able to guilt him into a reach-around. By giving him even a dime for his visual atrocities, the only thing that’s getting raped are your eyes. The worst part? He’s not exactly laughing all the way to the bank, purposely pulling the wool over our eyes; he truly thinks his movies are great. He even claims his House of the Dead movie to be “perfect”, and nonchalantly dismisses his detractors as “retards”. You know who’s retarded, Uwe Boll? Anybody who’s ever forked over one single dime for your crimes against humanity and furthered the notion that you are a “filmmaker” and not just some hackneyed clod. Uwe Boll made a bid to direct the Warcraft movie, and Blizzard’s official response was, “We will not sell the movie rights, not to you…especially not to you.“

…But I digress. What was I talking about again? Oh yeah. Kristanna Loken has the look and experience to pull off a fine Banshee Queen of the Forsaken. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to take my mind off of Uwe Boll and find my happy place.

Others considered: Angelina Jolie, Keira Knightley.

Johnny Depp as Kael’Thas Sunstrider



Kael’Thas Sunstrider is a conniving, mentally unhinged sociopath who led his own trusting people almost to complete extinction to feed his unstable addictions to magic and power. For some reason that just invokes visions of a delirious Depp as Willy Wonka, or the brooding, bewildering Edward Scissorhands. Besides, Kael’Thas already has a marketable catchphrase/overused meme that Depp could definitely add some of his off-kilter flair to.

Others considered: No one, honestly. Depp is perfect for it.

Gerard Butler as Highlord Bolvar Fordragon



Bolvar Fordragon is immensely important in Warcraft lore, first as the interim leader of the humans of Stormwind and resulting de facto leader of the Alliance proper, and later (SPOILER ALERT) the interim Lich King (he just kinda…fills in for people a lot, doesn’t he?). He had an especially pivotal role in World of Warcraft‘s third expansion, Wrath of the Lich King, where he leads both the Alliance and the Horde in an assault against the Lich King at the Wrathgate, in one of the most badass cinematics (and most badass quest lines) in all of Warcraft:

Bolvar’s body was essentially reborn a fiery, ashen caricature of his former self in the cleansing flames of the Red Dragonflight, but was quickly found by the Scourge and tortured. When players finally encounter The Lich King himself at the end of said expansion, Bolvar is there, being toyed with at the Frozen Throne like some perverse, molten Ken doll. After Arthas, the then-Lich King, is disposed of, Bolvar commits the ultimate act of selflessness and willingly becomes the new wretched Lich King, fearing that a Scourge without direction would envelop and devour Azeroth whole.

The actor who plays Bolvar will obviously have to convey a sense of nobility, of fearlessness and of selflessness, while still not being lost in a badass action role. Gerard Butler of 300 fame seems to fit the bill perfectly.

Others considered: Viggo Mortensen.

Emilie de Ravin as Lady Jaina Proudmoore



Jaina Proudmoore is a central character in the Warcraft universe, and is powerful, yet naive and trusting to a fault. Emilie de Ravin played Claire on Lost for the past six years, and now that that has run its course, timing may be perfect for her to tackle this central role. She definitely has the look, and I think she could pull it off.

Others considered: Rebecca Romijn.

Mila Kunis as High Priest Tyrande Whisperwind



Tyrande Whisperwind, leader of the Night Elves of Darnassus and devout follower of Elune, is a polarizing figure. On one hand, she is a symbol of hope for the entire Night Elf race; a basion of purity. On the other hand, her friend-zoning of Illidan and choosing his twin brother over him caused Illidan to rage out and become one of the most feared demons in the history of the world (of Warcraft). When Malfurion, Illidan’s brother and Tyrande’s suitor, is inexplicably lost in the Emerald Dream, Tyrande takes it upon herself to lead the Night Elf people alone atop the failed World Tree of Teldrassil. In the battle for Mount Hyjal, she was instrumental in aiding Jaina Proudmoore in banishing Archimonde from the summit.

Mila Kunis is a self-described WoW nerd, so she already has the “research” down pat. Given a bit of movie magic, she could look very Night-Elven. And, of course most importantly, she’s really, really hot.

Others considered: Rosario Dawson.

Russell Crowe as King Varian Wrynn



Varian Wrynn, the King of Stormwind City and de facto leader of the entire Alliance, is a hothead, but not without good reason. On his way to Theramore to discuss diplomatic relations between the Horde and Alliance with Jaina, he was kidnapped by a group of Defias (lolz Defias are like level 15 non-elites, Varian suxxorz) and taken to Alcaz Island to rot. Long story short, he broke out, exposed the mastermind behind the abduction as the wretched daughter of Nefarian, Onyxia, and took his rightful throne back in Stormwind City. He is highly distrusting of Orcs to the point of xenophobia, but is a fearless leader for the Alliance, something they were sorely missing in his absence.

Russell Crowe really needs no explanation of his accolades in a fantasy/action setting. His character in Gladiator mirrors Varian in many aspects, and he would be perfect for the role of leader of the Alliance.

Others considered: Eric Bana, The Rock.

Verne Troyer as High Tinker Mekkatorque



Oh, come on. I had to. Look at the little guy; he’s so cute! Here, boy!