The absence of Mitchell Starc and illness of Pat Cummins were mitigating factors but after a damning day for Australia at least some fingers should be pointing at 22 yards of Melbourne blandness

If, as the Libertines sang, there is no more distressing sight than an Englishman in a baseball cap then surely there is no sadder image than an Australian seamer operating with the wicketkeeper up to the stumps on the second day of a home Test.

But don’t blame Mitchell Marsh. Sure, he’s far from hitting the speed gun’s high notes since his return from shoulder surgery – but this is the story of the placid Melbourne pitch. In all the enthusiasm about the best-attended and most anticipated fixture on the calendar, the 22 yards that matter most don’t get anywhere near the scrutiny of other venues around the country.

Alastair Cook has moment of catharsis on England’s best day of Ashes tour | Ali Martin Read more

Wednesday’s play reinforced that it is a conversation worth having. Surely an occasion of this stature demands something better than the 78cm of average bounce Australia’s seamers were able to prise from the surface so far? By way of comparison, according to CricViz, at the Gabba, Adelaide and Perth that measure sat at 100cm, 97cm, and 99cm respectively. A big dip.

The absence of Mitchell Starc influences that to a certain extent, as does Pat Cummins’s dodgy belly. The glacial speed of the ball’s movement after pitching also doesn’t excuse the hosts for the way they revisited the ghosts of their recent history with a collapse of seven for 67. Josh Hazlewood was fair to describe the display as “lazy” and “complacent” after play. Still, none of this should mask the fact that, in horse-racing parlance, this MCG track is dead.

But someone better qualified than the amateur horticulturists of the press box to pace through the predicament for batsmen on a surface that gives so little is Chris Rogers, who padded up at the ground 52 times in four- and five‑day cricket. As he explained on ABC radio, players who rely on finesse find it that much harder to prosper here. To succeed, you need a bit of muscle or the ability to time the guts out of it with the full face of the bat, as Alastair Cook did throughout the afternoon. Cutting, he explained, is especially parlous. Instead, the key is to be patient enough to play late and punch.

Yet three key Australians fell doing the very opposite, ceding the advantage in a fashion more reminiscent of England through the series to now. In the case of Steve Smith, he was in his typical cruise control early on, making England’s seamers wince whenever they got into the same postcode as his pads. His progression from 50 to 100 once again felt inevitable.

The difference this time, bringing his downfall, was Tom Curran’s distinct lack of pace. It is understandable that Smith would feel obliged to wallop a long hop off the back foot past point for four however he saw fit to do so. It had been three years since he was last dismissed here in a Test, after all. But instead of pausing to play, he unfurled his cut and chopped on. It’s possible that he will never be dismissed in the top flight again from a delivery less potent.

Alastair Cook ends Ashes century drought after England skittle Australia Read more

It was much the same for Mitchell Marsh, flaying wide of his body to a glorified loosener from Chris Woakes. In his previous knock he used the true pace of the Waca to flay whenever he saw the chance. Here he was also swinging well before the ball arrived, the second to edge back to his timber. Tim Paine completed the set. Granted, he fell miscuing a pull off Jimmy Anderson rather than a cut, but it was the sluggish journey of the ball that did him in. Ugly cricket everywhere for the 67,000-plus spectators through the gates.

Returning to Mitchell Marsh some hours later, the chance that went down off Cook from his bowling – dropped at slip by Smith when he was 66 and England hadn’t long lost their second wicket – came when Paine was up to the stumps. It is folly to assume that the captain would have simply swallowed it had the wicketkeeper been back, but this cannot be ignored as a mitigating factor. Of course, it was the first time a stumper from either side had been up to a seamer all series.

By the close, Anderson’s critique before the Test about Australia’s reliance on their quickest three did not look quite so snide. The hosts picked their fastest bowlers for the series and it had worked a treat. But on a Melbourne pitch so lacking, it might just be that it does not matter anyway.