Montpelier, Vermont – Senator Bernie Sanders unleashed a bombshell on constituents yesterday. He stated there is a socialist utopia on the planet Venus. However, no one can effectively travel there due to the Trump travel ban.

A New Hope

Senator Sanders had this to say about the creation of the first city on the second planet from the Sun, New Copenhagen:

I first reached out to the Swedish government back in the 1980s when I was mayor of Burlington. The Cold War rhetoric was high. President Reagan joked about bombing Russia. Sweden and Burlington entered into a secret agreement to save humanity. Our plan was to colonize the planet Venus with the best and the brightest minds. We just assumed socialism will spring up. We were right.

Once he became a senator, he convinced the state government of Vermont to join in the Northern Alliance to Save Humanity (NASH). Since that time Iceland, Finland, and Denmark entered the partnership to save Homo sapiens from Homo insipidus.

There were many hurdles to overcome. The surface of Venus is extremely hot. The clouds surrounding the planet are partly made up of corrosive sulfuric acid.

Professor Andrew Canard is the lead scientist of NASH. While the clouds and the acid rain they produce were impediments to the mission, they offered protection from prying eyes. Work was carried out without anyone from Texas or Saudi Arabia noticing.

“The secret to our success involved using the nigh-indestructible metal adamantium,” explained Professor Canard. “We coated the outer surfaces of our probes, rovers, and subterranean excavators with it.”

New Copenhagen took decades to build. The utopian city below the surface of Venus only became fully functional and inhabited during the first term of the Obama administration.

However, the 2016 elections changed everything.

Secret Revealed

There is a relationship between how large a conspiracy is and how long it’s going to be kept. The fact that the first city beyond Earth was unknown to Republicans, Russians, and other hostile forces for so long was a miracle in and of itself.

No one is exactly sure how the Democratic National Committee (DNC) learned about New Copenhagen. What is known is that it only took a short period of time before high-level Democrats were whispering about in emails.

Senator Sanders was aware of this dangerous turn of events and reached out to the DNC:

Any high school student could’ve told you email was not a secure way of communicating high level information. My suggestion was that any and all discussion about New Copenhagen should be done on disposable cell phones. You know, burner phones. I wasn’t listened to. The Russians and eventually President Trump found out. It wasn’t going to be the last time I got screwed by the DNC.

An Uncertain Future

New Copenhagen is safe for the time being. Most state and non-state enemies of reason and single payer health care are busily destroying Earth. Many suspect Trump’s travel ban targeting some Muslim countries and New Copenhagen is the worst that will happen.

Thankfully, the scientists and engineers at NASH prepared for this day. The city is completely self-sustaining. New Copenhagen has its own farmers’ market as well as an annual independent film festival.

*This Poe was inspired by Alex Jones and InfoWars. As many of you already know, there was a story spread by that august institution that there is a pedophile/vampire colony on Mars.

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Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017 . Andrew is reading through the Bible and making videos about his journey on YouTube. He is a talented stand-up comedian. You can find him on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

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