A joint conference with the Finnish president descended into theatrics as reporters pressed for answers on the unfolding scandal

The Finnish president, Sauli Niinistö, spent part of his visit to Washington touring Smithsonian museums of American history. He likely saw Abraham Lincoln’s top hat, memorabilia from Barack Obama’s election campaign and reminders of other leaders who, whatever their flaws, strove for a more perfect union.

Then he ran into Donald Trump.

Not once, but twice, Niinistö had to wear a so-this-is-perfectly-normal expression in public as the US president ranted and raved during two question and answer sessions with reporters, playing an even more extreme version of himself (not that the original was middle of the road).

Impeachment, it seems, has got under Trump’s skin like nothing else. Over the past week his tone has become more frantic, frenzied and apocalyptic. On Wednesday, the world saw his id run riot. #TrumpMeltdown trended on Twitter.

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“So *NOW* can we *FINALLY* have a serious national conversation about the psychological condition of the President of the United States?” asked George Conway, a lawyer married to the White House counsellor Kellyanne Conway.

Yes, it was dark and scary for anyone worried about the life signs of the 243-year-old republic. But it was also just downright strange, even avant-garde. It was Samuel Beckett. It was Marcel Duchamp. It was John Lennon and Yoko Ono’s bed-in. Trump invited Niinistö to take a front row seat in his theatre of the absurd.

First, the pair spoke to reporters in the Oval Office, against all the usual trappings of fireplace, flags and exquisitely upholstered chairs. Trump was naturally asked about the impeachment inquiry that followed the July phone conversation in which he pressed the president of Ukraine to investigate a political rival.

The president has been trying to paint Adam Schiff, the Democratic chair of the House intelligence committee, as the most zealous witch hunter. “They should look at him for treason because he is making up the words of the president of the United States,” Trump said, hammering away at his theme that Schiff misquoted him at a congressional hearing. “We don’t call him ‘Shifty Schiff’ for nothing. He’s a shifty, dishonest guy.”

Then, an unexpected turn. “You know, there’s an expression: he couldn’t carry his ‘blank’ strap. I won’t say it because they’ll say it was so terrible to say. But that guy couldn’t carry his ‘blank’ strap. You understand that.”

No, not really.

With jazz hands and other random gestures, Trump rambled on a bit and mysteriously changed the nickname of his nemesis to “Shifty Shifft”.

Then a reporter got his turn. “Finnish media here. Finland is the happiest country in the world.”

Trump agreed, “Finland is a happy country,” and playfully slapped Niinistö on his left knee. Niinistö looked uncomfortable but said, “Yeah, for sure.”

The reporter continued: “What can you learn? What can you learn from Finland, which has a social democratic…” Inexplicably, Trump replied: “Well, you got rid of Pelosi and you got rid of Shifty Schiff. Finland is a happy country. He’s a happy leader, too.”

Both leaders chuckled.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Sauli Niinistö wore a so-this-is-perfectly-normal expression in public as the US president ranted and raved. Photograph: REX/Shutterstock

After pushing more unfounded conspiracy theories about Biden, Pelosi and Schiff, Trump was ready to wind things up. But another journalist had a question about a New York Times report that the president had suggested protecting his border wall with electrification, spikes and a moat containing snakes or alligators.

First, Trump got his newspapers crossed. “It’s written by Washington Post people, so you know it’s inaccurate. You know it’s probably a fraud.”

Then he admitted the limits of his vocabulary. “OK, ready? That I wanted a wall, but I wanted a moat. A moat – whatever that is. It’s not a word I used, but they used it. A moat.”

A couple of hours later, there was round two, a joint press conference with Niinistö under the cornices and crystal chandeliers of the east room. Anyone hoping that sanity would prevail was in for a disappointment.

More in sorrow than in anger, Trump put his persecution complex on full display and sought to tug at the heart strings. “We had the Mueller collusion delusion, OK? That went on for years. And that’s finally done. No collusion, no obstruction, no nothing. It was a joke, and everyone knows it. And it was from the day one.

The Mueller report did in fact find 10 instances of Trump attempting to obstruct justice. He went on: “Now I get three days of peace, and I’m walking into the United Nations, going to meet with the biggest leaders in the world, and I hear about the word ‘impeachment’. I said, ‘What did I do now?’ And it was about a beautiful conversation that I had.”

Trump clutched a printout of a New York Times article that said Schiff learned about the outlines of the whistleblower’s concerns days before the complaint was filed. But the president’s doesn’t do nuance. “Well, I think it’s a scandal that he knew before,” he said. “I’d go a step further: I think he’s probably helped write it. OK? That’s what the word is.”

Whose word? There is zero evidence that Schiff helped write the whistleblower complaint.

Another question came from the Reuters journalist Jeff Mason, regarding Trump’s use of the word “treason”. The president gave another meandering answer about “Shifty” Schiff and claimed: “Believe it or not, I watch my words very carefully. There are those that think I’m a very stable genius.”

Mason followed up, asking what Trump wanted Zelenskiy to do in relation to Joe Biden and his son Hunter. The president unleashed a tirade about corruption and his misgivings over giving US money. “I don’t like being the sucker country.”

Mason persisted with his original question. “Are you talking to me?” Trump demanded. Then he angrily told Mason to ask Niinistö a question instead. “I’ve given you a long answer. Ask this gentleman a question. Don’t be rude!”

Mason coolly explained: “No, sir. I don’t want to be rude. I just wanted you to have a chance to answer the question that I asked you.”

Trump retorted: “I’ve answered everything. It’s a whole hoax. And you know who’s playing into the hoax? People like you,” he pointed at Mason, “and the fake news media that we have in this country. And I say, in many cases, the ‘corrupt media’ – because you’re corrupt. Much of the media in this country is not just fake, it’s corrupt.”

The Reuters reporter did put a question to the Finnish president about the World Trade Organisation and illegal tariffs. Trump brusquely interrupted: “That was a big win for the United States, right? You never had wins with other presidents, did you?”

The long suffering, eternally patient Niinistö tried to get a word in edgeways, and finally did: “But I think the question is for me. First of all, when I referred to your democracy, I just wanted to tell that I’m impressed what American people have gained during these decades – a hundred-so years – building up very impressive democracy.

“So,” he added, “keep it going on.”