( Watch Cracked take Star Wars apart and put it back together in our new Adventures in Jedi School mini-series . )

Japan can take apart other people's inventions, like radios or TV sets, and put them back together better, cheaper and likely in the shape of Hello Kitty. However, the Japanese skill for reverse engineering works less well when it comes to reconfiguring our beloved pop culture icons.

9 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TMNT: Legend of the Supermutants)

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It seems almost impossible to out-"wha?" a show already titled Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but after muttering something about our lack of faith disappointing them, Japan outfitted the Turtles in flamboyant armor that looks like a LARP party on their way to a convention for Liberace Impersonators with an S & M fetish. Because giant, mutated turtles with mastery in martial arts don't make sense without robo-armor and glittering codpieces.

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Obviously Japan isn't content until your head is spinning with questions. But if you think they're gong to rest at mere costume-related questions like, "Why is Raphael wearing a bejeweled version of the murder dildo from Se7en?" or "Is Michelangelo about to be devoured by a giant metallic spider?" then you obviously don't know what happens when the turtles get their hands on the magic stones. Yes, the magic stones.



Alpha, I need four mutated Dolph Lundgrens! Don't worry about the body paint, he always brings his own.

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Of course, once that's done you simply must have them combine into a gigantic, winged robot...