TOOL NEWSLETTER

DECEMBER 2019 E.V.

I would personally like to give kudos to the man who brought the world’s attention that a certain retail chain in Canada was selling “LET IT SNOW” sweaters along with its other festive clothing. With his complaint, the retailer removed the offensive garment quicker than tainted sushi and frozen White Castle burgers harboring Listeria. According to a spokesperson, the quilted design didn’t represent the company’s high values… or sense of humor. As to the latter, I couldn’t agree more. Such allusions haven’t been funny or relevant since the early 1970s (even in Canada), so let’s leave the jolly happy soul with the button nose out of the mix.

From what I could gather, the man – named Charlie – not your ordinary crank, was standing in a long checkout line while his wife, about to crack from driving over speed bumps in the parking lot (that must blow), was tooting her horn impatiently before it started to hail or sleet. Not one to cut, Charlie waited patiently with his shopping cart filled with holiday goodies, including Coke, bags of ice, chicken nuggets, powered sugar, coco puffs and frosted flakes cereal. That’s when he noticed the seasonal sweaters next to a display for Hoover vacuums. Thankfully, he had the balls to rail against what was hanging on the dusty rack, before returning to his home to take a few snorts of Big C whiskey on the rocks. (‘Tis the season, after all!)