Loyal readers, a special treat: The Parsing Haus is proud to present the first post by SpecialK, horror connoisseur extraordinaire, with an early review of The Conjuring 2–one of the most-awaited horror films of the summer.

Greetings dear readers, and thanks to Parsi and Haus for letting me crash this delightful house party (Haus party?) of silver-tongued cinephiles. Pop quiz: Why do I feel like a mud-soaked creature emerging from a murky swamp, a spirit fading in from the beyond, or a zombie gently tapping its fleshless jaw on a window, begging for a civilized tête-à-tête? It’s because these chumps (sorry, gracious hosts) steadfastly refuse to grant horror films their rightful place on the mantle.

Never fear—actually, strike that—forever fear, because SpecialK is here with the latest that our delightfully terrifying genre has to offer—The Conjuring 2.

Chronicling the story of the Enfield poltergeist, one of history’s most documented instances of paranormal activity, The Conjuring 2 picks up James Wan’s tour of the case files of paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren (Vera Farmiga and Patrick Wilson) just after their experience in Amityville. (The obvious dance around this historic New York haunting makes me wonder if Wan is not-so-subtly hinting that he might take it on as his next project—okay James, you got me, I’m begging. )

The basic story is well known in horror circles, but Wan’s take is this: During a séance, Lorraine sees religious imagery that would strike fear into any human—let alone this recovering Catholic school girl—and becomes convinced that any more casework will result in the death of her beloved husband. But in walks an English family led by a single mom (Frances O’Connor of Mansfield Park) and her four children. The kids–Margaret, Janet, Johnny, and sweetly stuttering Billy–are increasingly plagued by strange bumps in the night and the marks of an old man’s bite from beyond the grave. (Switching gears for a second: Although I generally find child actors in these movies cringeworthy, I will say that Janet–who takes the brunt of the spirit’s possession à la The Exorcist--is played surprisingly well by Madison Wolfe, who you may remember from the the better-than-expected Devil’s Due.)

To help the family rid its home of this night-biting old man’s spirit, Wan introduces many real-life characters actually involved in the Enfield poltergeist: skeptical cops, friendly neighbors, the dutiful film crew, and the token critic and paranormal spoilsport (the true villain in any horror film), as well as Maurice Grosse (Simon McBurney in a bad wig)–the inventor-slash-medium desperately seeking a connection through Janet with his dead daughter. (Note that Maurice gets much less screen time here than in the decidedly less scary The Enfield Haunting, which is the British television adaptation of the same basic story.) This large supporting cast adds charm and comic relief (who doesn’t love a good joke about 70s technology?), and more importantly, serves to highlight the level of sheer desperation by the time the Warrens arrive.

The Conjuring 2 mirrors a lot of the plot themes in wistful Wan’s wonderfully-wicked Warren wilms (sorry, films): the strength of faith, the importance of family trust, last-minute inhuman spirit-related twists, the magical power of necklaces (I know, right?). But cheesy, overdone plot devices like those don’t make or break a good horror film in my book. Quite the opposite: I can’t stand (and generally ignore) the ubiquitous cheesy wrap-up stories that horror filmmakers seem compelled to provide.

No, the true measure of good horror is how much it scares you. And setting aside those cheap thematic glosses, The Conjuring 2 offers horror at its best—stripped bare, truly haunting.

Yes, it’s got classic jump scares, including the Insidious-style quick-cut peekaboo-face (consider yourself warned). But unlike other filmmakers’ throwaway jump scares, Wan’s imagery stays with you. And he wanders even further into religious symbolism here, which only adds to the terror.

Wan has expertly honed other tricks too, like slipping a creepy spirit into the passing background that you might miss if you blink. It’s simple, but just that flicker will leave you looking a bit longer at every coat rack in the background—or worse, in your apartment later that night. Wan also experiments with camera angles that push you right into the action, including a ‘spirit-cam’ and a Silence of the Lambs-style first-person view.

What really makes this film a must-see is Wan’s use of imagery to reward the wonkiest horror experts. (Gold star if you spot which scenes bring to life actual photographs from the Amityville and Enfield hauntings. Stick around for the credits to check your answers. Class dismissed.)

Bottom Line? The Conjuring 2 is a blast. It’s got great new scares, just the right amount of laughs—and not just for the woman next to me, whose jacket was clutched tight in her teeth through the vast majority of the film—and even some applause-worthy moments. I can’t even remember the last time I clapped in a horror movie. And I see a lot of these.

Horror fans: See this. And when you’re back home wondering why your cat is staring into dark corners, you’ll know: This, dear readers, is excellent horror.

Special K Verdict: A frighteningly fun film that will satisfy any horror enthusiast with a penchant for the supernatural and a healthy Catholic fear of the devil. See it on opening night, with a sold-out crowd.

The Conjuring 2 opens June 10 everywhere.

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