If Trish Burns is your friend and you spent last Saturday night eating dinner at her house, there is a very good chance her cat “Smitten” sat on your food. Or licked it. Or walked through it, dipping her litter-soaked paws in the various dishes with each delicate step.

Trish has never trained her cat properly and the kitchen table is definitely NOT off limits to this curious feline. In fact, Smitten loves to jump on the table and sniff about (usually when no one is looking), checking out the latest food additions to her favorite perch.

It probably would have been a good idea if Trish covered the various dishes of food she put out for her buffet-style dinner. But she didn’t. She filled the crowded table with a lasagna, ham, potato salad, Caesar salad, broccoli and asparagus at 6:30pm. Her guests didn’t enter the kitchen until 7:30pm. This gave Smitten a full hour to enjoy “first dibs.”

Without a Trace

Smitten’s dainty little paws and butt leave little, if any, trace of her furry, flea-filled touch. Her sticky little tongue (which spent most of the afternoon in her anus) produces a very small quantity of saliva. So you probably didn’t even notice that Smitten licked your broccoli about twenty times.

Luckily, most people at the party were pretty buzzed (especially Mike, he had like 6 gin and tonics before he got there) and didn’t discern any cat-flavoring in the food. Jane however, did take note of a couple of gray hairs sticking to a piece of ham, but she didn’t say anything because Trish worked so hard making all the food. She didn’t want to upset her.

Jeff Lyons

Community Reporter

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