Fewer older women push for divorce and there are fears money worries could be stranding them in ill-fated relationships

Under the age of 45 it’s typically women who push for divorce when their marriage is failing. Greater numbers of women than men under that age seize the initiative to end ill-suited partnerships and file for divorce. But new evidence suggests that as they age, women become much less willing to.

By their 60s the difference between the numbers of men and women seeking divorce is significant. The latest year for which the Office for National Statistics has figures is 2014, during which 9,443 men began divorce proceedings compared to just 5,783 women.

Jeetesh Patel, a divorce lawyer in the family team at London law firm Hodge Jones & Allen, says fears about finances are effectively trapping some women in unhappy relationships.

He says: “I see women who have been married for many years who have not only sacrificed their own careers to look after children and the home but have spent considerable time and effort in helping their husband in his career.

“Often, they may have no savings or pension of their own so are rightly concerned about the implications of divorce on their finances. They are often surprised to learn that they will be entitled to a significant percentage of the marriage’s joint assets as well as ongoing maintenance payments.”

Right now, among the baby boomers, this is a particular issue for women. Among the current child-rearing generation there are growing numbers of fathers who scale back their careers in order to care for their families.

That could mean that, in the future, the issue is less of a gender divide and more to do with which parent gave up the most earning potential to bring up the family. But whoever is affected, the outcome is the same. Their choices and life chances are constrained by money worries.

Financially vulnerable

At present it’s easy to see why women in their 50s and 60s might feel more financially vulnerable than men and so less able to instigate divorce proceedings.

Research by the TUC has shown that the pay gap is at its widest when men and women are in their 50s, with women earning an average of £8,504 less a year than men.

And women may have less in the way of personal savings at that point. The same TUC survey shows that during their 40s alone the pay gap costs women £72,340 – or £7,234 a year.

The lack of income equality is one reason Mr Patel recommends women push for maintenance rather than a lump sum.

“Husbands who have been the main earners typically want to pay a one-off cash settlement on divorcing,” he warns, “but generally wives will be better off pushing for a joint life maintenance award which would give them an allowance for the rest of their lives.

“This will be calculated based on current expenditure so it is wise to keep a record of your monthly outgoings for at least six months prior to divorce.”

All good... in theory

Understandably, women who feel trapped in this way find it difficult to talk about their circumstances. One woman in her early 50s would only talk to the Independent on the grounds of strict anonymity and did not want to give details in case she was recognised. She says it would be embarrassing for her to divorce at her age but even more embarrassing if her friends knew she could not afford to.

“I want a divorce, of course I do,” she explains. “He’s not abusive or anything but we are not happily married; we barely talk. I’d like a fresh start and the chance to live my own life [for the] first time.

“But we have a daughter just doing her exams and I gave up work when she was born. What would we live on? I don’t have enough money of my own to put down a deposit and I haven’t got a clue how to ask the council for help even if I could. So we just sort of carry on carrying on.”

The suggestion that she would be entitled to her share of the household assets and even part of her husband’s pension makes little difference to her opinion. “That doesn’t help me. What would I live on straight away? And my daughter? How could I even pay a lawyer? It’s impossible, it’s just not possible.”

Ayesha Vardag, founder of family law firm Vardags, urges women in a similar situation to understand they have protections and rights even in the immediate aftermath of a break-up.

She says: “Don’t panic about making ends meet in the short term if you decide to make the break. Your husband will be obliged to do his bit to make sure that the current financial situation is maintained, including paying house-keeping money and other bills, and for usual holidays, clothes, entertainments [and] normal expenses.

“If he pulls the plug, you go to court for an order for interim maintenance until the case is over – typically we agree this without needing to go to court but if you do you can generally expect the court to award you monthly payments to meet your needs and keep everything running smoothly.

Head of family law at Gorvins Solicitors, Nicola McInnes, says that it may be possible for a poorer partner to apply for a Legal Services Order, meaning their earning ex would be required to contribute towards their fees.

However, she adds: “These applications are few and far between. The wife would have to prove that she was unable to borrow monies to finance her legal costs, have no income or savings of her own, that her solicitor would not agree to defer the costs and, finally, the wife would have to prove that she was not able to take on what is called a litigation loan.

“Litigation loans are offered by a number of companies but the interest rates are extremely high. I personally would not advise clients to take out such loans due to the high rate of interest.”