In the past year, so many things in my life have changed.

It’s been almost a year since the big falling out with my friends. I am happy to say that some of those friendships have been somewhat mended. They are nothing like they were before, but we are at least able to talk on occasion.

I spent 5 weeks traveling all over Europe. A dream come true. I can’t wait to travel more. I learned so much about myself, about José, and about our relationship on that trip.

I moved in with José. Talk about a change! Living with your significant other brings about a whole new level of understanding of each other. Thankfully it has gone very smoothly. Not that we haven’t had rough patches, as every couple eventually does, but for the most part it’s been fantastic.

I have made new friends and gotten to know some acquaintances better.

I have spent more time doing paintings and drawings, and, in the process, improved my artistic skills by leaps and bounds.

Those are just a few things that have happened in my life.

There are many people in my life that don’t understand the changes I’ve made in my life. They don’t understand or don’t see how much I’ve learned about myself and grown in the past year. Last night was the first time I have been able to explain to someone a huge change that has happened in my understanding of myself.

Last night I hung out with some of my newer friends without José for the first time ever. He was at drill for the weekend, and one of our friends, Lauren, was celebrating her birthday.

As I was leaving, Lauren’s husband (who has been friends with José for several years) jokingly asked me, “So, when are y’all getting married.”

I gave the stereotypical answer of, “I don’t know. Why don’t you ask him!”

We laughed, and then I got a little more serious and was able to explain to them that for the first time in my life I am ok with our relationship being where it is. I am ok with being in a relationship that is not pressured to continue with marriage. I would be ok if José and I were just in a relationship forever and never got married. We are happy together, where we are right now.

For the first time in my life, I don’t feel pressured to be married or like there is something wrong with me for being 27 and not married. I feel like society puts so much pressure on relationships to get to that next step. If you’re nearing 30 (which I hate to admit that I am) and you’re not married or thinking about getting married, then there must be something wrong with you.

I know so many people, who may not openly admit it, who believe this about themselves. It makes me sad to think of the years I wasted planning a wedding that was never going to happen. Years of my life where I believed that something was wrong with me if he didn’t want to marry me and wondered what I could do differently. Years of my life I spent feeling sad and miserable that my friends were getting married and I wasn’t, that my friends were having children and I wasn’t, my younger sister getting married and not me. (I actually wrote a blog about this some time ago.)

I was genuinely sad about not being married for years. I was bitter toward others. People announced engagements and pregnancies, and I couldn’t even be happy for them. I hated going to weddings. I hated seeing photos of newborns. I would cry because it wasn’t fair.

Well, I am here to break the news to everyone that there is nothing wrong with being 27+ and not being married. There is nothing wrong with being in a long-term relationship that isn’t currently headed for marriage. I am perfectly happy with my relationship right where it is.

I feel confident in myself enough that I don’t need marriage like I used to. It used to be my only life goal: to get married and become a mother.

I have different life goals now. I want different things than I used to. That’s not to say that I don’t want to be married eventually. What I am saying is that I don’t need marriage to feel fulfilled.

So for my friends and readers who have felt this sad and miserable feeling about not being married or having children and just feeling left behind in life, learn about yourself. Take some time to grow in your own life. Do something you never thought you could do. Make a dream come true. Be comfortable with your own life. Make changes. Just because you aren’t married does not mean you are broken or that anything is wrong with you! Learn to love yourself. You have to be able to do that before you can love anyone else.

EDIT: I thought of this later, after I posted this. I love to listen to “The Bert Show” on Power 105.7 in the mornings. Kristin Klingshirn once said during the show, “Then I met Bart, and it wasn’t about being married. It was about being happy.” That statement is so true for me, too. I just felt like I needed to share that.

Now that I don’t need marriage to feel fulfilled, I can focus on being happy with José rather than on being/not being married to him. We are happy together, and I feel like that is what matters.