Part of me wants to say this is an outdated basement that’s been advertised as an apartment but the other part of me wants to say this is where child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang put those kids.

There’s something about this place that looks creepy right? Is it the wood panelling, the weird medieval arches, the pleather wet bar, or the outdoor street lights that are being used as indoor lighting?

Or is it the not so secret, secret door? Seriously, what’s behind it?!? A creepy doll collection? A shrine to Danny Devito? A dead body? Multiple dead bodies!?!

The only thing that looks like it’s been updated since the 70’s are the washing machines. But, it’s hard to focus on that with the nauseating lime green slat cupboards combined with the faded neon plaid wallpaper.

The bathroom stresses me out more than a bathroom should. That shelf does not look secure and threatens to give you a concussion if you put anything on it.

On top of all the other unattractive qualities of this dungeon, it’s also located deep into eastern Scarborough and it costs more than $1,000 a month to rent. Do they think they can charge that much because there’s exposed brick?

I mean sure, hipsters love to pay outrageous prices for retro stuff, that's how Urban Outfitters stays in business, but this just seems a step too far.

Also I’m really not even sure there’s actually a kitchen. I think you might have to make do with a hotplate and the wet bar sink…

Specs

Address: Orchard Park Drive

Type: Basement (I refuse to call this an apartment)

Rent: $1,250/ month

Furnished? No

Utilities: No

Air conditioning? No

Bedrooms: 1

Bathrooms: 1

Parking: Maybe the driveway?

Laundry? In-unit

Outdoor space? Nope

Pet friendly? No

Good For

Feeling like you’re living in a 70’s medieval themed bar.

Move On If

You don’t want to live in a 70’s medieval themed bar.