We don't think of ourselves as changing: We're the same basic meat-popsicles we've always been. But some of the surprising changes that the future holds in store for the human body are ball-shatteringly disturbing, so you'd better have an iron stomach if you plan on reading this (though if not, don't worry; thatâs probably in the pipeline too).

5 Bionic Ass

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Tragedy struck Ged Galvin, a 55-year-old English man from South Yorkshire, when he was involved in a terrible motorcycle accident. His injuries were so extensive that, even after his many surgeries, doctors informed him he would have to use a colostomy bag for the rest of his life. Then crazier, more awesome doctors that had seen some Six Million Dollar Man re-runs recently, stepped in and informed him to âfuck that noise.â âGed,â they said. âWeâve got two words for you: Bionic Ass. And then two more: Fuck yes.â

"The patient's lost the use of both arms below the elbow, so of course I recommend we install Flamethrower Hands." Ged, weighing the pros and cons of carrying a bag of poop around for eternity (there was a shockingly short "pro" list) agreed to try an experimental new surgery. The procedure used muscles from his knee to recreate a crude sort of sphincter, with implanted electrodes all throughout that respond to a remote control. Now, Galvin doesnât have normal control over his bowels, he has supreme mastery over them. With the press of a button, Galvin controls exactly when, where, how much (and, if science is as awesome as this story is making it out to be, hopefully with exactly how much force) he shits. However, even if Galvin himself is sadly lacking in Astro Boy style ass-cannons, believe me when I say this: It is only a matter of time until somebody with both the desire and money gets the idea too. In the future, youâll have to watch who you mouth off to, because forget knives and guns - that dude at the bar might have a crap-howitzer in his pants loaded with high-caliber feces with your name on it.