Song Of Solomon Sweetheart Candies Now Available

U.S.—Everyone knows that the best way to show your love to your significant other is to hand them a heart candy with words on it.

Now even Christians can partake in this beloved Valentine's Day tradition with these new candies emblazoned with messages straight from Song of Solomon.

"Your spouse will swoon upon reading that her teeth are like a flock of sheep or that her nose is like a giant tower," said the CEO of Solomonhearts, David Meyers. "It's a foolproof way to let her know how beautiful she is and how much you love her."

"Note: not actually foolproof and we do not guarantee any swooning."

Messages include touching, romantic poetry like the following:

Hey, tower neck!

Ur breasts = fawns

Ur teeth are sheep

You have goat hair

Ur legs = marble pillars

Pardon me but your goblet is showing

Ur tower nose is hawt

The candies will only be sold to those with a valid marriage certificate so as to avoid encouraging fornication.

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost. Get FREE Access *with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee