CHICAGO—Despite afflicting his father and numerous members of his extended family, local man Josh McCalister’s genetic predisposition for heart disease was no match for the 10 half-assed push-ups he does a couple of times a week, sources said Wednesday. “Three…four—ah, Christ—five,” McCalister, 38, said to himself, counting off the short set of poorly executed push-ups that were swiftly undoing the susceptibility to coronary artery disease and arrhythmia that was encoded in his very DNA. “Nine…almost there…nine and a half—agh, close enough—10!” Although the push-ups he currently performed already ensured that he would be spared the deadly disease that had been passed down unimpeded for generations, McCalister had reportedly vowed to get to 20 within the next six months.

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