"Male-bashing" is a term I grew up hearing often, and not just by women, but also brothers, fathers and uncles around me. No one took it seriously, but everyone of the second sex did it... the hormonal teenaged girls who were just entering the world of boys, 20-somethings who had boyfriends and ex-boyfriends, the middle-aged married women who were struggling to find the balance between husbands, kids, parents, in-laws, and work, as well as the elderly women who spent their evenings in the park, giggling over the daily spats they had with their husbands. It was all in jest, taken as a frivolous activity that women indulged in. Until, of course, a couple would break into a fight, and the husband, in a fit of anger would spew out the blasphemous words, "God knows what kind of ideas your female friends are feeding you!" It was in statements like this, that the innate misandry in this innocent act of “male-bashing” would be exposed.

A few weeks ago, a male friend noted, "This is the opposite of misogyny. Wait, is there even a term in feminism, for all this hate toward men?" There is, and it is, "misandry." It is a sadly under-recognised, and not a very well-understood phenomenon. But, the concept somewhere floats in the background of debates about equality. It gets overshadowed and silenced, because we focus more on male-supremacy and entitlement. But, at the root of it all, there is a dislike for men which drives us to fight them.

With time, I abandoned the term "male-bashing," and replaced it with more respectful descriptions, such as, "discussing boy problems," or "venting about relationship issues." But, the angst and the frustrations still reek in what is said. Statements like, "Why are men such assholes?" or "Are there no nice men out there anymore?" are frequently made over drinks with my girlfriends. This also results in us distancing ourselves from the men in our lives. We throw in the towel, thinking that men will never understand our plight. Not much has changed since the time of our great-grandmothers, who came to similar conclusions. We create a cocoon of sisterly solidarity, and tell ourselves that we don't need emotional support from men, because we get it from the women in our lives.

Men and women are wired differently. Women emote, while men problem-solve. They can learn the skills of the other sex, and perhaps women find it easier to learn more "masculine" traits for various reasons. But, in wanting the kind of support that other women in our lives can provide us, and not getting it from the men in our lives, we sometimes dismiss the things that they do bring in. But, we can't stop, because we hardly ever try to truly listen to, and understand the men in our lives. They have stories, too, which go unheard, because all of us have been taught that men "don't care."

Sometimes, I feel alienated from men, and that I have no clue about how a man's world functions. That's because we never truly enter their world. We give them the space and time they need, with their man caves, gadgets and boys' nights. But, we don't take the time to get to know what goes on in their minds, hearts, and souls. We assume that nothing much does, but what if we're wrong? We're surprised when a man in our lives cries, or tells us that he's scared. We either don't know how to deal with it and turn ostrich, or we overreact, because it seems so out of place.

But, like we say, time and again, for ourselves, men are also humans first! But, it's difficult for us to move beyond the label of "man," and see them for who they are.