RENO, Nev. — After being in a coma for nearly three months following a horrific car accident, local man David Lopez woke from his unresponsive and unconscious state early Monday morning but is now asking to be placed back into the coma, sources have confirmed.

Doctors at St. Mary’s Medical Center considered the recovery a miracle and his family and friends seemed to be completely overjoyed. But after being told what the date was, Lopez, 39, asked his friends, “How did the election turn out?” A silence reportedly fell over the room and many of Lopez’s family and friends turned away or slumped their heads down. The message appeared to be clear since Lopez’s next words were, “Well fuck me,” and then, after a long pause, “Doc, put me back in the coma.”

At first doctors and those closest to Lopez protested his seemingly reckless gut reaction, but Lopez insisted that this was the best move for him. After a couple of minutes of debating, Lopez’s younger sister and one of his close friends also asked doctors about the possibility of becoming voluntarily comatose.

“Hopefully, the doctors will just wake me back up in four or, God forbid, eight years,” Lopez said. “Waking up once it’s all over or right before Michelle Obama wins in 2020 is the best case scenario. Worst case scenario is I wake up earlier than expected and have to live out the rest of the Trump presidency; second worst case scenario is I never wake up. It’s a chance I’m willing to take.”

Considered by many to be unethical and dangerous, Lopez’s doctors are considering ways to put him back into the now-paradise of complete unconsciousness and the absolute inability to see, hear, feel, read Facebook or move.

Tyler Snodgrass can’t go full-coma, so he may just go live in the woods.

Image by orsorama.