— Asked by purplespacecats

Ah yes, it can be quite confusing, especially since they sometimes occur at the same time. Here are some traits of each which help me figure it out.

Romantic Attraction

desire to hold hands, snuggle, or be “lovey-dovey”

desire for romantic partnership

physically feels like “butterflies” in stomach

Disney stereotypes are exaggerated but somewhat accurate

desire to develop emotional intimacy

desire to see person be happy, do things to make them happy

desire for exclusivity; feelings of jealousy

can be rather irrational and/or obsessive

Sexual Attraction

very visceral, physical feeling of heat or “melted honey”

feeling might manifest in stomach, genitals, etc.

thoughts/fantasies of you & person in sexual situations

desire to touch person sexually or have them touch you

physical, magnetic pull towards person

like sensual attraction on fire, with sense of urgency

feels just like hunger for that person

feels kind of primal/animalistic

The problem is that a lot of these describe strong attraction; the stronger an attraction is, the easier it is to identify, I think (which is probably why most allosexuals don’t often doubt their allosexuality—they feel sexual attraction strongly enough that it never comes into question.) Mild attractions are difficult to spot, but there’s a certain threshold where I think it’s negligible—if you can’t actually see yourself acting on it, or the thought of acting on it repulses you at all, you’re probably more ace than not. Hope that helps, and feel free to ask for clarification.

Note: Experiencing the above things does not mean you are attracted to someone; some of the romantic attraction things also apply to close platonic relationships.