You kids today don't know what real gaming is. You talk about your Call of Honors and Gears of Halos like it was spun gold coming straight from God's butt. Back in our day, there were real games... inventive, crazy, hard games that charged a quarter for each play and made you stand up in front of a giant wooden cabinet as you played. And we had to walk fifteen miles in the snow to play 'em. Uphill! Both ways!

Wait! Come back here, you whippersnappers. This is important. You're going to sit here and you're going to let us regale you with tales and videos of what made the golden age of arcades so special, or so help me I will throw that WiiStation 360 of yours right out the window, dagnabbit.

Bad Dudes vs. DragonNinja

Best game for making president Reagan seem cool

Publisher: Data East

Year: 1988

"President Ronnie has been kidnapped by ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to rescue Ronnie?" Not sure? What if I told you the president will offer to "go out for a burger" with you if you're successful? That's what I thought. LET'S DO THIS! —Andrew Cunningham

Burger Time

Best cure for the munchies

Publisher: Data East

Year: 1982

Conceptually, this game is just brilliant; scrambling to build your burgers while being chased by sausages and a fried egg is like a fry cook's grease-fueled nightmare. As is the norm for games from that era, it's also freaking hard; don't expect to master it overnight. It truly has held up very well, though. It has that magic combination of challenge, rhythm, and that "one more try" appeal that still makes it worth plunking down some quarters for. —Aurich Lawson

Contra

Best game you probably didn't know was an arcade game first

Publisher: Konami

Year: 1987

Most people probably know Contra from the NES port, along with the now-infamous Konami code to get 30 lives. What you might not know if you've never played the original is that the arcade version used a vertical monitor orientation, making for a very different feel with a much taller playing field. —Aurich Lawson

Crazy Climber

Best human fly simulator

Publisher: Taito

Year:1980

With dual joysticks and no buttons, this game controlled like no other. You have to dodge closing windows, falling plants, King Kong, electrical wires, and even bird poop. If you pause too long, you hear "Go for it!" The biggest problem in the arcade was joystick damage from overzealous play. —Eric Bangeman

Donkey Kong Jr.

Best reversal of expectations in a sequel

Publisher: Nintendo

Year: 1982

Wait, suddenly Mario is evil and Donkey Kong is good... what has the world come to? This could have been a boring, derivative game after the success of the first Donkey Kong, but the climbing mechanics and different levels were well executed. —Eric Bangeman