If there’s one thing parents love more than banging on about sleeping patterns, it’s passing judgement on how other parents keep their kids quiet.

Many argue rubber dummies are a chavvy, teeth-mangling abomination.

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Others scorn fellow parents who carry an emergency bottle of formula, just in case mummy doesn’t fancy flopping her wabs out in public today.


Some would call the cops if they caught me slipping my kid a sly spoonful of antihistamine ahead of a long-haul flight.

However the most controversial battleground, speaking as a 21st century parent, is screen time.



And I literally couldn’t give a stuff.

There’s a mountain of bad writing and iffy science pointing to the puritanical conclusion that an ‘excess’ of screen time is creating a generation of non-communicative zombies.

So what constitutes an excess?

According to a recent study, one hour a day for kids aged 2-5, and zero hours a day for babies, is the threshold above which screens cause lasting harm.

The implication – sometimes hinted at, sometimes spelled-out – is that screen time isn’t ‘natural’ and is therefore toxic.

As if our Neolithic forebears all had bottle sterilisers, disposable nappies or Sudocrem – since when did ‘nature’ come into modern parenting?

For me, as a stay-at-home dad who also runs a business, life would be impossible without a daily leg-up from CBeebies and the App Store.

Without a fulfilling intellectual and professional life I would go mad.

Financially, there’s simply no way my wife and I could make ends meet without the precious freedom to work that a few hours peace from the lad affords me.

Thanks to the boy’s fanatical Postman Pat phase, she and I sometimes even manage to sneak upstairs for a rare spot of intimacy.

Contemporary kids’ TV is highly regulated and expertly calibrated to teach sprogs letters, colours, counting, vocabulary, basic morality, sharing, friendship and believing in yourself.

Even better, if you invest in a Netflix account, you’re actively preventing them from seeing adverts – over 150 hours of commercial interference a year easily avoided, according to one study.

Countless good-quality apps promote motor skills, memory and pattern recognition.

I’m no futurologist, but I’m guessing that when my lad graduates in 2035 the world will have more screens, not fewer.

And looking around my friendship circle, there’s zero correlation in terms of income, quality of relationships or happiness between friends who were – or were not – plonked in front of Power Rangers or Walt Disney videos for entire afternoons when they were tots.

Too… much…. screen time… (Picture: Giphy)_

To be sure, screens aren’t a substitute for real parenting.

I obviously read to him, three books a night. We go for walks, and get overly-excited when we see a ‘horsey’ or a ‘doggy’.



I relish the opportunity to explain things to him whenever he enquires ‘what’s that, Daddy?’ in his cheery, piping little voice.

We run around and laugh and sing and play music and role-play like idiots.

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I lavish affection, cook food with him, paint pictures, play hide-and-seek, and make cute little houses for his beloved trains out of Lego.

And I let him watch a bunch of TV.

Bite me.

We love watching stuff together as well, and he tolerates my prattling insights on whatever’s showing with good-natured indulgence.

Peppa Pig is a right laugh after a glass of Malbec.

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