What underlying issue might your adolescent be facing? The best way to find out is to ask him! Be careful, though, not to let the discussion deteriorate into an argument. Instead, follow the admonition of James 1:19: “Be swift about hearing, slow about speaking, slow about wrath.” Be patient with him. Employ “all long-suffering and art of teaching,” just as you would with someone outside the family.​—2 Timothy 4:2.

For example, if your adolescent balks at attending Christian meetings, try to find out if something else is bothering him. But do so with patience. Little good is accomplished by the parent in the following scenario.

Son: I just don’t like going to meetings anymore.

Father: [hostile tone] What do you mean you don’t like going?

Son: I find them boring, that’s all!

Father: Is that how you feel about God? You find him boring? Well, that’s just too bad! As long as you live under our roof, you’re going with us​—whether you like it or not!

God requires that parents teach their children about him and that children obey their parents. (Ephesians 6:1) However, you want your child to do more than blindly follow your spiritual routine and reluctantly go with you to Christian meetings. If at all possible, you would like his mind and heart to come along too.

You have a better chance of accomplishing that if you discern any underlying issues that might be contributing to his attitude. With that in mind, consider how the above conversation could have been handled more effectively.

Son: I just don’t like going to meetings anymore.

Father: [calmly] Why do you feel that way?

Son: I find them boring, that’s all!

Father: Sitting for an hour or two can be boring. What do you find most challenging about it?

Son: I don’t know. I guess I just feel like I’d rather be somewhere else.

Father: Is that how your friends feel?

Son: Well, that’s just it! I don’t have any​—at least not anymore. Ever since my best friend moved away, I feel like there’s no one to talk to! Everyone else is having a good time. I feel so left out!

By drawing out the adolescent, the father in the above scenario not only gets to the underlying issue​—in this case, loneliness—​but also builds trust, thus keeping the door open for further discussions.​—See the accompanying box “Be Patient!”

Be Patient! Talking to your adolescent might require the utmost patience on your part. But the payoff​—building trust—​is worth it. One teenage girl relates: “In one night’s discussion, I told my dad that I secretly had a social network page and a boyfriend and that I wanted to run away. He stayed so calm as he talked the whole thing out with me! I don’t know another dad who could just sit there and not start yelling at his daughter when he found out she had kissed a guy and was texting him nonstop. I feel like I can tell my dad anything. I know he really wants to help me.”

In time, many young ones learn that if they confront the issue that is impeding their spiritual growth, they will usually feel better about themselves and their faith. Consider Ramón, the young man quoted earlier who cringed at the thought of identifying himself as a Christian at school. Eventually, Ramón found that speaking up about his faith was not as traumatic as he imagined it would be​—even when it resulted in ridicule. He relates:

“On one occasion a boy at school was poking fun at me because of my religion. I got really nervous, and I sensed that the whole class was listening. Then I decided to turn the discussion around and ask him about his faith. To my surprise, he was even more nervous than I was! Then I realized that many young people have religious beliefs, but they don’t understand them. At least I can explain my beliefs. Really, when it comes to talking about faith, my classmates should be the ones who feel awkward​—not me!”