You are so peaceful

when you sleep,

untroubled by worries of me.

I have to speak to you now,

and this is the only way

that I can.

It’s been so long, love,

I’ve forgotten how to form the words;

things are so different Here.

I can’t wait to show you:

there’s no more pain, love.

Autumn leaf,

brown crust of carbon —

that’s how you see me right now.

Don’t deny it, love;

I can see it

as you dream:

my hands are thin,

my eyes are dull,

this harsh sun has baked my skin hard.

I wheeze when I breathe,

my arms shake,

sometimes I talk to the shadows.

My hair is white,

my teeth are gone,

I walk with no aim.

You fret over me so much, love;

don’t think I don’t know.

Even if I can’t really tell you,

I see

how you still love me.

Though my brain forgot your name,

I remember I asked you

long ago,

Would you still love me

when I was bent,

when age had stripped

the foundation from the temple?

I can’t really tell you

because I mumble when I speak,

but most of me is up Here now,

and I can see

everyday how you love

what’s left of me down there.

We were right.

Death is just the beginning, love.

I’m so sorry I went ahead,

but honey, listen now,

just let go.

Let my heart be still.

Don’t try to wake me,

don’t thrash about the bed,

just let me go now;

let my bones rest.

I’m waiting for you here,

and I miss you so.

See, I’m here

just beyond the veil,

and without my shell.

You won’t stay long

in that thick reality,

and I’ll be waiting.