ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

If there’s two things Martin Apron hates more than his last name, it’s immigrants and inner-city lefties.

The former forced the 38-year-old to join his local boxing gym because he did his research and there’s gangs of African-Australian teenagers out to get him. He wishes he could just buy a gun, like he says you can in developed nations like America. But thanks to John Howard, he has to kill people with his bare hands – something he has no qualms about.

Don’t get him started on inner-city lefties, he says to our reporter out the front of an unlicensed boxing gym in Betoota Heights.

You can tell by the look in his eyes that he’s absolutely terrified. What the fuck is he going to do now? He’s just lost his job as a baggage handler at Remienko-Betoota Airport. Three separate pay-day lenders are up his arse. The neighbourhood he grew up in is now predominantly a migrant enclave.

He told our reporter that things were getting to be too much, he felt like he was fucked anyway he went.

“Until I walked into Centrelink,” he said.

As he took off his boxing straps, a softer side to this confused and largely depressed soul began to uncoil.

“Look, I know you think I’m a dumb cunt because I’m a wage-earning conservative who actively votes against my best interests as a worker at each election. But it was always for the greater good,” he said.

“And now, when I’m completely down and out, socialism saves me from being homeless and broke. What a fucked world we live in. I’m so angry I could cry. Most of the guys in here feel the same. For fuck’s sake, why can’t things just stay the same?”

“My existence now goes against everything I believe in – and it fucking horrifies me, Errol. It really does. It is a never-ending nightmare of leftie kindness. I don’t know what to think now.”

Our reporter didn’t know what to say so he didn’t say anything.

More to come.





