YOU haven’t lived until you’ve been at a game decided with a kick after the siren.

Like the Hail Mary in American Football or the full-court lob in basketball, the kick after the siren is the ultimate adrenaline rush for spectator and player alike.

It makes forgettable players live on in footy folklore, it can turn seasons around, and it’s happened more than your probably think.

GEELONG

The breakdown

Games: 24

Kicking it: 7 goals to win; 2 behinds to win; 2 behinds to draw; 3 missed chances

Watching it: 3 goals to lose; 7 missed chances

The 5 most recent Geelong kicks

2009: Behind to win – Jimmy Bartel v Hawthorn (99-98)

2012: Goal to win – Tom Hawkins v Hawthorn (118-116)

2017: Behind to draw – Tom Hawkins v GWS (68-68)

2018: Miss (behind) – Harry Taylor v Western Bulldogs (101-103)

2018: Goal to win – Zach Tuohy v Melbourne (100-98)

DENNIS Cometti has been a big part of Geelong’s kicks after the siren.

“Any score will do – Geelong you’re in the Grand Final” was a straight as an arrow shot that never looked like missing.

“They’ve did it again Geelong! They’ve done it again. How about that? The Cat is still on the back” was more like a helicopter off the boot that somehow managed to float through at the end.

The undisputed champions of the kick after the siren, the Cats have not only been at the winning end of shots more than any other club, but of the 8 times that a team has had a shot against them, a ridiculous 6 of them have missed the mark.

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NORTH MELBOURNE

The breakdown

Games: 16

Kicking it: 4 goals to win; 1 behind to draw; 3 missed chances

Watching it: 6 goals to lose; 1 goal to draw; 1 missed chance

The 5 most recent North Melbourne kicks

1973: Goal to win – Doug Wade v Collingwood (76-71)

1976: Goal to win – Malcolm Blight v Carlton (81-76)

1977: Miss (out on the full) – Malcolm Blight v Hawthorn (47-48)

1987: Goal to win – Alastair Clarkson v Melbourne (112-110)

2012: Miss (behind) – Hamish McIntosh v Essendon (102-104)

HERO one year, villain the next.

That was the story for Malcolm Blight after he got hold of a beauty in 1976 to win the game, before missing everything in 1977 to lose it.

Blight actually references it during another famous kick after the siren – Jimmy Bartel’s point against Hawthorn – when Tim Lane says “the only thing he mustn’t do, Malcolm Blight, is miss”.

“Nobody would ever do that after a siren,” Blight replies, most likely dying a little bit inside.

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CARLTON

The breakdown

Games: 16

Kicking it: 4 goals to win; 1 behind to draw; 2 missed chances

Watching it: 7 goals to lose; 1 behind to draw; 2 missed chances

The 5 most recent Carlton kicks

1982: Behind to draw – Greg Wells v Fitzroy (113-113)

1984: Miss (behind) – Warren Ralph v Collingwood (71-76)

1987: Goal to win – Stephen Kernahan v North Melbourne (129-125)

1993: Miss (out on the full) – Stephen Kernahan v Essendon (132-132)

2020: Goal to win – Jack Newnes v Fremantle

LIKE North Melbourne, Carlton’s relationship with the kick after the siren isn’t an overly good one.

With only 3 goals to win to their name, the Blues have had to watch opposition teams slot the game-winner 6 times in their long history.

Stephen Kernahan also had a Malcolm Blight moment, winning the game for them with a goal in 1987, before missing a bit of a sitter 6 years later that would have given his team victory.

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FOOTSCRAY/WESTERN BULLDOGS

The breakdown

Games: 13

Kicking it: 3 goals to win; 1 goal to draw; 1 behind to win; 3 missed chances

Watching it: 1 goal to lose; 1 goal to draw; 1 behind to draw; 2 missed chances

The 5 most recent Footscray kicks

1984: Goal to win – Simon Beasley v Collingwood (100-95)

1987: Goal to draw – Stephen MacPherson v North Melbourne (125-125)

1988: Miss (behind) – Simon Beasley v Brisbane (71-72)

2008: Miss (behind) – Brad Johnson v North Melbourne (110-113)

2009: Miss (behind) – Brad Johnson v Geelong (114-116)

WHAT’S with guys being the match-winner one year, and the villain a few years later?

Simon Beasley continued the trend, breaking Collingwood hearts (good) in 1984, before breaking Bulldog hearts (bad) in 1988.

To be fair, he was on a shitty angle, at a shitty ground, with shitty fans storming the field and shitty opponents hopping on each other’s shoulders.

Going against the trend of being a hero, Brad Johnson missed the game winner twice in two years.

He smiles on the outside but inside…it’s…it’s dark in there.

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SYDNEY/SOUTH MELBOURNE

The breakdown

Games: 14

Kicking it: 6 goals to win; 1 behind to win; 1 missed chance

Watching it: 3 goals to lose; 2 missed chances

The 5 most recent Swans kicks

1996: Behind to win – Tony Lockett v Essendon (70-69)

2002: Goal to win – Daryn Cresswell v North Melbourne (103-100)

2005: Goal to win – Barry Hall v Brisbane (87-81)

2011: Miss (behind) – Adam Goodes v Essendon (99-100)

2017: Goal to win – Gary Rohan v Essendon (86-85)

SURELY the most famous of behinds after the siren, Tony Lockett’s shot in 1996 took Sydney to a drought-breaking grand final.

Like Gary Ablett’s preliminary final match-winner two years earlier though, the excitement was dulled the next week when they lost the big one.

It was, however, the moment Sydney-siders started to take an interest in “aerial ping pong” for the first time. Until the Swans started losing again, of course.

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COLLINGWOOD

The breakdown

Games: 13

Kicking it: 1 goal to win; 1 goal to draw; 1 missed chance

Watching it: 5 goals to lose; 2 goas to draw; 1 behind to win; 2 missed chances

The 3 most recent Collingwood kicks

1935: Goal to draw – Alan Ryan v Fitzroy (93-93)

1948: Miss (behind) – Jack Pimm v Geelong (73-78)

2003: Goal to win – Chris Tarrant v Adelaide (114-109)

JUST like their record in Grand Finals, Collingwood has a history of watching other teams succeed.

Chris Tarrant’s goal in 2003 to keep his team’s season alive is the one and only time the Pies have won after the siren.

Still. It was nice seeing Adelaide lose. In the words of Obi Wan Kenobi: “I felt a great disturbance in the force, as if 40,000 bogans cried out in booing, and were suddenly silenced”.

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ST KILDA

The breakdown

Games: 11

Kicking it: 4 goals to win; 2 missed chances

Watching it: 3 goals to lose; 2 missed chances

The 5 most recent St Kilda kicks

1928: Goal to win – Bert Smedley v Melbourne (82-81)

1978: Goal to win – Robert Elliott v North Melbourne (124-121)

2001: Goal to win – Barry Hall v Hawthorn (89-87)

2005: Miss (fell short) – Nick Dal Santo v Sydney (56-56)

2009: Miss (behind) – Nick Riewoldt v Essendon (108-110)

ANOTHER double-dipper, Barry Hall won both of his kicks after the siren but with different clubs four years apart.

As the shitty video above suggests, this was Hall’s last kick in Saints colours before moving to Sydney.

And who can forget Bert Smedley’s shot in 1928 against the Fuchsias?

Classic Bert.

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MELBOURNE

The breakdown

Games: 12

Kicking it: 1 goal to draw; 3 missed chances

Watching it: 6 goals to lose; 1 behind to draw; 1 missed chance

The 4 most recent Melbourne kicks

1935: Goal to draw – Ron Baggott v Collingwood (79-79)

1940: Miss (behind) – Ron Barassi Sr v Geelong (151-154)

1991: Miss (fell short) – Steven Clark v Essendon (80-86)

2017: Miss (fell short) – Jayden Hunt v Geelong (94-97)

OUCH. Everything about Melbourne’s kicks after the siren is heartbreaking.

They’ve never kicked one to win a game.

Ron Barassi Sr died in battle at Tobruk just a year after his kick.

Jim Stynes gave away a 15m penalty to put Gary Buckenara in range in a do-or-die final.

Jeff Farmer won one for Fremantle against the Demons having defected from Melbourne.

And while Jordan McMahon’s goal for Richmond gave Melbourne the No.1 draft pick, they used it on Tom Scully who spent 10 seconds at the Demons before pissing off to the Giants.

I repeat. Ouch.

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ESSENDON

The breakdown

Games: 11

Kicking it: 1 goal to win; 1 behind to draw; 1 missed opportunity

Watching it: 2 goals to lose; 1 behind to lose; 5 missed chances

The 3 most recent Essendon kicks

1913: Goal to win – Jimmy Gordon v University (62-60)

2002: Miss (behind) – Matthew Lloyd v Western Bulldogs (118-118)

2019: Miss (fell short) – David Myers v Sydney

LIKE Collingwood, the Bombers are the voyeurs of after the siren kicks.

Unlike Collingwood, they really get off on it because most of the kicks miss.

Five of the seven shots they’ve had against them have been off the mark, including three in the last six years.

The Dons really know how to stand a mark.

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RICHMOND

The breakdown

Games: 9

Kicking it: 5 goals to win; 1 missed chance

Watching it: 3 goals to lose

The 5 most recent Richmond kicks

1966: Goal to win – Blair Campbell v South Melbourne (72-71)

1981: Goal to win – Paul Sarah v St Kilda (71-65)

2008: Miss (fell short) – Jack Riewoldt v St Kilda (107-110)

2009: Goal to win – Jordan McMahon v Melbourne (86-82)

2016: Goal to win – Sam Lloyd v Sydney (101-100)

A WINNING percentage of more than 50% – that’s something Tigers fans don’t often see.

The only miss for the Tigers came from Jack Riewoldt, who joined cousin Nick in letting down the fans with a failed kicked after the bell.

Riewoldt made up for in 2016, as an integral part of the play that set up Sam Lloyd for his match-winner.

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HAWTHORN

The breakdown

Games: 9

Kicking it: 3 goals to win; 1 missed chance

Watching it: 2 goals to lose; 1 behind to lose; 1 behind to draw; 1 missed chance

The 4 most recent Hawthorn kicks

1960: Goal to win – John Peck v Collingwood (58-57)

1978: Goal to win – Gary Buckenara v Melbourne (80-78)

2001: Goal to win – Ben Dixon v Carlton (96-93)

2016: Missed chance – Isaac Smith v Geelong (85-83)

THAT’S what happens when you let an Irishman play an Australian sport.

He gives away a penalty that loses you the chance to play in a grand final.

And then he wins a Brownlow Medal and becomes a legend of the game.

Disgraceful.

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FREMANTLE

The breakdown

Games: 9

Kicking it: 4 goals to win; 1 behind to win; 3 missed chances

Watching it: 1 goal to lose

The 5 most recent Fremantle kicks

2005: Goal to win – Justin Longmuir v St Kilda (80-75)

2011: Miss (hit the post) – Hayden Ballantyne v West Coast (64-65)

2014: Miss (behind) – David Mundy v Geelong (79-81)

2017: Goal to win – David Mundy v Richmond (72-70)

2019: Behind to win – Michael Walters v Brisbane

GOALS after the siren have a habit of turning battlers in legends.

Justin Longmuir went from “that Freo guy who has that brother” to “that Freo guy who has that brother who kicked the goal after the siren…although I’m not sure which brother it was.”

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FITZROY

The breakdown

Games: 6

Kicking it: 1 missed chance

Watching it: 3 goals to lose; 1 goal to draw; 1 behind to draw

The Fitzroy kick

1903: Miss (hit the post) – Gerald Brosnan v Collingwood (29-31)

EVERYTHING about Fitzroy is a failure.

One kick after the siren and it happened 113 years ago. And it hit the post.

Meanwhile, their last game involving a kick after the siren was a loss to Adelaide in 1991 – the Crows’ first year in the league.

Brutal.

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BRISBANE

The breakdown

Games: 7

Kicking it: 1 goal to win; 2 goals to draw

Watching it: 2 goals to lose; 1 behind to lose; 1 missed chance

The 3 most recent Brisbane kicks

1992: Goal to draw – Ray Windsor v West Coast (92-92)

2009: Goal to draw – Daniel Bradshaw v Essendon (87-87)

2013: Goal to win – Ash McGrath v Geelong (103-98)

UNLIKE their merger team, the Brisbane Lions are starting to build a nice little bank of after the siren kicks.

Ash McGrath’s was particularly impressive, playing in his 200th game and finishing off the 6th-greatest comeback in history.

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WEST COAST

The breakdown

Games: 7

Kicking it: 3 goals to win; 1 goal to draw; 1 missed chance

Watching it: 1 goal to lose; 1 missed chance

The 4 most recent West Coast kicks

1993: Miss (hit the post) – Chris Mainwaring v Carlton (91-92)

2003: Goal to draw – Ashley Sampi v Western Bulldogs (124-124)

2013: Goal to win – Nic Naitanui v North Melbourne (90-88)

2017: Goal to win – Luke Shuey v Port Adelaide (78-76)

2018: Goal to win – Jeremy McGovern v Port Adelaide

A LITTLE bit of everything for West Coast fans.

Although the one the kick that immediately came to mind – Peter Sumich’s point to tie things up with Collingwood in the 1990 qualifying final – isn’t in there because the kick came just seconds before the final siren.

The fact we didn’t remember that makes us feel very, very old.

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PORT ADELAIDE

The breakdown

Games: 7

Kicking it: 3 goals to win; 2 missed chances

Watching it: 2 goals to lose

The 5 most recent Port Adelaide kicks

2000: Goal to win – Peter Burgoyne v Carlton (88-83)

2002: Goal to win – Jared Poulton v Sydney (94-92)

2006: Miss (behind) – Daniel Motlop v St Kilda (60-64)

2011: Miss (behind) – Justin Westhoff v Gold Coast (101-104)

2020: Goal to win – Robbie Gray v Carlton

THE Motlop boys have a rocky relationship with goals after the siren.

Daniel missed his chance to slot one in 2006, while older brother Shannon gave away the free kick that led to Daryn Cresswell’s game-winner in 2002.

Peter Burgoyne’s goal against Carlton in 2000 was the first of three kicked on the Blues in three consecutive seasons, with Ben Dixon doing the job in 2001 and Peter Riccardi in 2002.

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ADELAIDE

The breakdown

Games: 3

Kicking it: 1 goal to win; 1 goal to draw

Watching it: 1 goal to lose

The Adelaide kick

1991: Goal to win – Rod Jameson v Fitzroy (50-47)

2017: Goal to draw – Mitch McGovern v Collingwood (103-103)

WHAT FOR UMPIRE!!!!!??????

Not even by today’s whistle happy standards would that be a free kick.

It’s hard to be done for holding the ball when you don’t hold the ball at any stage in the play. But hey, that’s how they umpired in Adelaide back in the day.

Cough*Colbert’s mark*cough

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GOLD COAST

The breakdown

Games: 3

Kicking it: 1 goal to win, 1 missed chance

Watching it: 1 missed chance

The Gold Coast kicks

2012: Goal to win – Karmichael Hunt v Richmond (50-47)

2016: Missed chance – Tom Lynch v Melbourne (66-64)

LITERALLY the only half interesting thing Karmichael Hunt did in his Aussie Rules career.

It was such a typical Richmond loss. After the siren, to a team in its second year, with a goal kicked by an NRL player, in Cairns.

It’d be boring without them.

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UNIVERSITY

The breakdown

Games: 1

Kicking it: None

Watching it: 1 goal to lose the game

DESPITE our best efforts, we couldn’t find footage of University’s 1913 loss to Essendon after the siren.

We humbly apologise.

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GREATER WESTERN SYDNEY

The breakdown

Games: 1

Kicking it: None

Watching it: 1 behind to draw

THE Giants are in the unique position of being so bad in the past that they couldn’t even get close, to being so good now that no one can even get close.

*Edit* Tom Hawkins just missed the goal and my heart is breaking.