4/7/2018

PILGRIMS PROGRESS



after noticably gorging myself at windy city recently i vowed in front of two different holy men to never hunger again



but the moment the phrase 'breezy town' wafted into my ears i knew id fibbed to both their gods.



i can now say i would proudly be excommunicated a third time for one more sleazy slice.



BEING THERE



seattle city streets could generously be described as apocalyptically clogged but i clawed ran and swamt my way up beacon avenue in record time.



before heading inside i signed a pre-nup with my appetite wherein it agreed to flee my body like a banshee and grant me full custody of my shame should i finish a whole pie in a single sitting



VIBE CITY



despite my sidewalk worries the clockout lounge does not first require you clock in - allaying my fears of government surveillance for the time being.



in fact i found the ambience inside to be similar to many happy family camping trips (lots of wood) but with less lectures about how the way things used to was from my father.



speaking of kids: human child pups are more than welcome to attend daytime feats of eating and there is even parking for toddler cars (wagons) at the neighboring lot.



A SPICY A MEATBALL



imagine if you dare a pizza that defies every AP physics test known to man - for it is infinite in girth yet the crust allows it to be allayed by hand faster than any lyft ive ever flown in.



mercifully - despite the cost of alimony lawyers - this pizza was very affordable considering the immense size and the fact that im certain an entire neighborhood garden was shredded just to make the fine flavorful garnish that adorned it like a crown.



they refer to cheese exclusively as bricks and surely do not deceive for i have rebuilt my bones on the sturdy frame it provided.



also this pie packed meatballs thicker than the skull of any man who complains about the metoo movement.



what I mean to say is I gave this pizza my full consent and loved when it ravished me.



without polling a single ma'am or dadder i know for a fact you have not experienced sourdough in this fashion and high fashion is what it is.



imagine a surface both valuptuous and slim, firm and soft - coy yet straightforward - and you are 23 percent of the way toward getting what im trying to tell you.



in a sense its like eating every single one of your fathers many john denver vinyls - both in terms of general size and down-home twang.



TRAVELERS TIPS



if im leaving (on a jet plane) i wouldnt dare take this with me because just one slice would put my carry on bag over the limit.



yet at the same time i could likely fly for free by impressing the security man with how easily it is to handle and lift the contents against all visual odds.



pizza dave is both a crowned saint and someone i would trust to perform open heart surgery on me being that he is used to working with a similar volume of red sauce.



he is also an honorary language professor since the only italian word i knew before was 'digiorno' and now i know (but cannot say) 'giardineiera'



as a final note: i am now petitioning dictionary dot com to change their definition of the word 'perfect' to say godliness comes in a thickly wedge