106 MILES, SCOTT. I HAD TO RIDE 106 MILES INTHE BACK OF A PICKUP TRUCK TO GET BACK HERE. YOU REALLY WENT ?WHAT A 'TARD. ALL RIGHT, SCOTT,YOU WIN, I GIVE UP. YOU DO ? WOW, YOU'RE NOT ASSTUPID AS I THOUGHT. YEAH, I'LL SEE YOU AROUND. SURE IS TOO BADABOUT MY GRANDMOTHER. YOUR GRANDMA ? HUH ? OH, IT'S NOTREALLY YOUR CONCERN, IT'S JUST THAT--WELL, MY GRANDMA ISIN THE HOSPITAL. SHE'S VERY SICK. THE DOCTOR'S SAY UNLESSI CAN COME UP WITH $16FOR HER OPERATION THEY'RE GONNAPUT HER DOWN. Captioning made possible by COMEDY CENTRALOH, JEEZ,I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT. YEAH, POOR GRANDMA. HEY, KID,HOLD ON A SECOND, I'LL GET YOUR MONEY. HEH, HEH, HEH. HE'S SUCH A DOUCHE. HERE YOU GO. OH, WOW, THANKSA LOT, SCOTT. BUT, JUST ONE THINGBEFORE I GIVE IT TO YOU. WHAT ? I JUST-- WELL,I WANT TO YOU BEG FOR IT. HUH ? JUST GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEESAND BEG ME FOR THE MONEY. WHY ?! DO YOU WANT YOUR GRANDMATO LIVE OR NOT ? ( quickly )PLEASE, SCOTT,GIVE ME MY MONEY. NO, NO, GET DOWNON YOUR KNEES. LOWER YOUR HEAD... AND SAY, "I BEG YOU TOGIVE ME BACK MY MONEY." I BEG YOU TOGIVE ME BACK MY MONEY. NOW SAY,"I'M A LITTLE PIGGY." WHAT ?!SAY IT. I'M A LITTLE PIGGY. "HERE'S MY SNOUT."HERE'S MY SNOUT. "OINK, OINK, OINK."OINK, OINK, OINK. NOW, DANCE, LITTLE PIGGY,DANCE AND OINK FOR ME. ♪ I'M A LITTLE PIGGY,HERE'S MY SNOUT ♪ ♪ OINK, OINK, OINKOINK, OINK, OINK ♪ ♪ I'M A LITTLE PIGGY-- ( laughs ) ALL RIGHT, NOWGIVE ME BACK MY MONEY ! YOU MEAN THIS ? YOU REALLY CARE THAT MUCHABOUT 16 MEASLY DOLLARS ? I MEAN, WHAT CAN YOUBUY WITH $16 ? MY PARENTS GIVE MEA $50-A-WEEK ALLOWANCE. THIS PITTANCE MEANSNOTHING TO ME. WATCH. WH-WHAT ARE YOU DOING ? NO, NO... WHY ? NOW YOU CAN'T BUG MEFOR YOUR DUMB MONEY. ( screaming )

OH, HEY, SCOTT,HOW'S IT GOING ? I WAS JUST WONDERING, DO YOU LIKE THE BAND, UH,RADIOHEAD AT ALL ? UH-HUH.OH, REALLY ? OH, 'CAUSE THEY'RE DOINGA BIG INTERVIEW ON MTV, AND THEY'RE PLAYING IT TONIGHTON A BIG SCREEN DOWNTOWN. EVERYONE'S GONNA BE THERE. OH, COOL,THANKS FOR TELLING ME. YOU'RE WELCOME, SCOTT. OKAY, WELL, LOOKS LIKEEVERYONE IS HERE, LET'S PLAY THE VIDEO,SHALL WE ? Welcome back to MTV. We're here with themembers from Radiohead, probably the hottest bandin the world right now. Guys, when is your nextalbum coming out ? Captioning made possible by COMEDY CENTRAL But firstI'd just like to say, that I really hate this kidnamed Scott Tenorman. He's stupid. Yeah, I hate ScottTenorman, too. I think all the guys in the bandhate him, right, guys ? OH, JESUS, DID YOUHEAR THAT, SCOTT ? And, will therebe a new tour ? well, we would tour,but we just hate thatScott Tenorman kid so much that we don't want to. Yeah, Scott Tenormanis totally not cool. He's not cool. WOW, THAT REALLY SUCKSFOR YOU, SCOTT. SCOTT ? HA, HA, HA, HA !DID YOU SEE THAT ? SCOTT MUST'VE RUN HOMESO EMBARRASSED. HA, HA, HA !AND YOU KNOW WHAT ? THAT WASN'T REALLYRADIOHEAD TALKING, I JUST DUBBED THEIRVOICES OVER. HA, HA, HA !WHAT A RETARD ! AND EVERYONE SAW IT !( feedback whistling ) LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,BOYS AND GIRLS, IT'S TIME FOR THEAMAZING PUBE BOY ! ♪ I'm a little piggyhere's my snout ♪ ♪ Oink, oink, oinkoink, oink, oink ♪ ( all laughing ) ♪ I'm a little piggyhere's my snout ♪ ( laughter increasing ) OH MY GOD,HE KILLED KENNY. THAT DOES IT. I'M GONNA GET SCOTT TENORMANONCE AND FOR ALL !! YOU THINK YOU'RE SO COOL,SCOTT TENORMAN. WE'LL SEE HOW COOL YOU FEELAFTER THIS. YES, YES... YES ! ( muttering ) HA, HA, HA,HA, HA, HA. YES, IT IS THE MOSTGENIUS PLAN EVER. SCOTT TENORMAN IS GOING TO WISHHE NEVER MET ME !

OH, HELLO, GUYS, THANKS FORCOMING TO MY CHILI CON CARNIVAL. THIS IS THE DUMBEST THINGYOU'VE EVER DONE, CARTMAN. OH, IT WON'T BE SO DUMB WHENSCOTT TENORMAN ARRIVES. I SUGGEST YOU STAYTO SEE THE FIREWORKS. OH, WE WILL. TRUST US, WE WOULDN'TMISS THIS. WHAT'S SO FUNNY ? OH, NOTHING,IT'S JUST COOL HOW YOU'RE GONNA GETSCOTT TENORMAN BACK. IS RADIOHEAD HERE YET ? NOT YET,BUT THEY WILL BE. YEAH, SURE. HELLO, ERIC.HEY, CHEF. I MADE SOME CHILI TOENTER INTO THE CONTEST. WHAT CONTEST ? THIS IS A CHILI COOK-OFF,AIN'T IT ? HUH ? OH, YEAH,I GUESS IT IS. HERE, JUST PUT ITOVER HERE. IT'S MYSPECIAL RECIPE. SCOTT TENORMAN ! HOW ARE YOU, SCOTT ?THANKS SO MUCH FOR COMING. OH, I WOULDN'T MISSTHIS FOR ANYTHING. LIKEWISE. WELL, COME ON, YOU'VEGOT TO SEE THE PONY. JUST A SECOND. DON'T YOU WANNATASTE MY CHILI FIRST ? WELL, YEAH, BUT THERE'SA SPECIAL GUEST COMING AND I WANT YOU TO BE NEARTHE PONY WHEN THEY ARRIVE. WELL, I DON'T WANT ITTO GET COLD. I THINK I CAN WINFIRST PRIZE. ALL RIGHT, SCOTT, LET'S GOOVER TO THE JUDGING TABLE AND WE'LL TRY THECHILI FIRST. GOD DAMN IT. ALL RIGHT, I GUESS WE SHOULDTASTE EACH OTHER'S CHILI, HUH ? THIS CHILI LOOKSPRETTY GOOD. HERE'S MINE. MMM, I DON'T KNOW,YOUR CHILI IS GOOD, CARTMAN. BUT I THINK MINEIS BETTER, TRY IT. ALL RIGHT. HEY, THIS IS GREAT ! IT'S A SPECIAL RECIPE. GOD, THIS ISREALLY GOOD, SCOTT. I'M GLAD YOULIKE IT SO MUCH, BECAUSE NOW THATYOU'RE ALMOST FINISHED, I HAVE SOMETHINGTO TELL YOU. WHAT ? YOU MEAN ABOUT HOW YOUPUT PUBES IN YOUR CHILI ? WHAT ?! YES, I'M AFRAID THISISN'T YOUR CHILI, SCOTT. I SWITCHED ITWITH CHEF'S. IT'S DELICIOUS, CHEF.I HADN'T PLANNED ON THAT. WHAT I DID PLAN ON,HOWEVER, WAS THAT MY FRIENDSSTAN AND KYLE WOULD BETRAY ME AND WARN YOU THAT THE CHILICON CARNIVAL WAS A TRAP. I ASSUMED THATTHEY WOULD TELL YOU THAT I TRAINED JENKINS'PONY TO BITE OFF YOUR WIENER. WHAT THEY DIDN'T TELL YOU WASTHAT JENKINS IS A CRAZY REDNECK WHO SHOOTSTRESPASSERS ON SIGHT. KNOWING THAT YOU WOULD GO ANDTRY TO DO SOMETHING TO THE PONY, I WARNED MR. JENKINS THATVIOLENT PONY KILLERSWERE IN THE AREA. I ALSO KNEW THAT YOUWOULDN'T GO YOURSELF FOR FEAR OF HAVINGYOUR WIENER BITTEN OFF. YOU WOULD MOST LIKELYSEND YOUR PARENTS. AND. I'M AFRAID THAT WHENMR. JENKINS SPOTTED THEMON HIS PROPERTY HE SHOT AND KILLEDBOTH YOUR PARENTS. ( gunfire ) WELL, THEY WAS TRESPASSIN'AND I WAS PROTECTIN' MYSELF. I HAVE MY RIGHTS. MY... MOM AND DADARE DEAD ? ( Cartman )I CAME JUST IN TIME TO SEE MR. JENKINS GIVING HIS REPORTTO OFFICER BARBRADY, AND OF COURSETO STEAL THE BODIES. AFTER A NIGHT WITH THE HACKSAW,I WAS ALL READY TO PUT ON MYCHILI CON CARNIVAL. SO THAT I COULD TELL YOUPERSONALLY ABOUT YOURPARENTS' DEMISE. AND OF COURSE,FEED YOU YOUR CHILI. DO YOU LIKE IT ?DO YOU LIKE IT, SCOTT ? I CALL IT..."MR. AND MRS. TENORMAN CHILI". OH, MY GOD ! OH, MY GOD !! ♪ NYAH, NYAH, NYAH,NYAH, NYAH ♪ ♪ I MADE YOUEAT YOUR PARENTS ♪ ♪ NYAH, NYAH, NYAH,NYAH, NYAH ♪ JESUS CHRIST, DUDE ! MY MOM AND DADARE DEAD ! NO, NO !! AH, EXCUSE ME ? WHO ARE YOU ? WE'RE THAT BAND,RADIOHEAD. JEEZ, WHAT ALITTLE CRYBABY. YOU GONNA CRYALL DAY, CRYBABY ? YOU KNOW,EVERYONE HAS PROBLEMS, IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO BEA LITTLE CRYBABY ABOUT IT. COME ON, GUYS,LET'S GO, THIS KID ISTOTALLY NOT COOL. YEAH, THAT'S THE MOSTUNCOOL KID I'VE EVER MET. LITTLE CRYBABY. NO, WAIT ! WAIT ! OH MY GOD !OH MY GOD ! YES ! YES ! OH, LET ME TASTEYOUR TEARS, SCOTT. MMM, YOUR TEARSARE SO YUMMY, SWEET. DUDE, I THINK IT MIGHT BEBEST FOR US TO NEVER PISSCARTMAN OFF AGAIN. GOOD CALL. OH, THE TEARS OFUNFATHOMABLE SADNESS. MMM, YUMMY,YUMMY, GUYS. YIBBIDY-BIP--THAT'S ALL, FOLKS !

WHAT THE HELL YOU SOHAPPY ABOUT, FAT-ASS ? OH, NOTHING,NO BIG DEAL, REALLY. WHAT'S NO BIG DEAL ? WELL, GUYS, IT SEEMS THATI AM THE FIRST ONE OF US TO REACH MANHOODAFTER ALL. WHAT THE HELL AREYOU TALKING ABOUT ? WELL, BECAUSEUNLIKE YOU GUYS, I JUST GOTMY FIRST PUBES. ♪ YA DA DA DAYA DA DA DEE ♪ YOU GOT PUBES ?WHAT'S PUBES ? PUBIC HAIR, HE'S SAYINGHE GOT HIS FIRST PUBIC HAIR. OH...NO, YOU DIDN'T ! OH, YES, I DID.I'M BECOMING A MAN. HE'S LYING. YOU WANNA SEE 'EM ?HELL, NO ! HERE, CHECK 'EM OUT. WE DON'T WANNASEE THEM, CARTMAN ! THERE, SEE ? HOW DO YOU LIKETHEM APPLES ? HA ! WHAT ARE THOSE ?MY PUBES. WHAT ? I GOT 'EM FROMSCOTT TENORMAN. SCOTT TENORMAN--THE NINTH GRADER ? YEP, HE LET ME HAVE 'EMFOR JUST 10 BUCKS. HA, HA, HA ! ♪ I GOT PUBESBEFORE YOU GUYS DID ♪ ♪ I GOT PUBES BEFOREYOU GUYS ♪ ♪ HA, HA, HA, HA,HA, HA ♪ CARTMAN, YOU ARE SO GODDAMNSTUPID, IT'S UNBELIEVABLE. AH, HA,DON'T BE JEALOUS, GUYS. THIS DOESN'T MEANWE CAN'T STILL HANG OUT. IT JUST MEANS THAT IMATURED FASTER THAN YOU. YOU'LL GET YOURPUBES, GUYS, SOMEDAY. CARTMAN, YOU DON'T BUY PUBES,YOU GROW THEM YOURSELF. WH-WHAT ? WHEN YOU GETOLD ENOUGH, YOU GROW YOUR OWN PUBIC HAIRTHAT'S ATTACHED TO YOU, YOU ( bleeping ) DUMB-ASS ! NAH-AH.YEAH-HUH. BUT THEN WHY WOULDSCOTT TENORMAN SELL MEHIS PUBES FOR $10 ? BECAUSE, RETARD, YOU'RE DUMB ENOUGH TO BUYSCOTT TENORMAN'S PUBES FOR $10. YOU'RE TELLING ME THESE PUBESARE WORTH NOTHING ? YEAH. I'M GONNA GET THATSON OF A BITCH.

"HERE, I'LL SELL YOU MY PUBESFOR ONLY 10 BUCKS." AND THE STUPIDASSHOLE BUYS THEM. SPEAK OF THE DEVIL,WHAT DO YOU WANT ? UH, YES, I'VE COME TORETURN THESE PUBES THAT I PURCHASED, PLEASE. UNH-UH, I DON'TTAKE RETURNS. RIGHT, BUT YOU SEE,I DIDN'T REALIZE WHEN IBOUGHT THESE PUBES FROM YOU, THAT YOU WEREFULL OF ( bleep ), SO YOU CAN EITHERGIVE ME BACK MY $10 OR I CAN GOTELL MY MOM ON YOU. YOU WOULD ACTUALLY TELL YOUR MOMTHAT YOU WERE STUPID ENOUGHTO PAY FOR MY PUBES ? UNH-UH,I DON'T THINK SO. JUST GIVE ME BACKMY MONEY. BUYER BEWARE, DUDE. GIVE ME MY $10, SCOTT. HEY, I SAID NO. NOW GET YOUR FAT LITTLE BUTTOUT OF HERE BEFORE I KICKYOUR HEAD IN.

HELLO, SIR, MY NAME ISKRIS KRISTOFFERSON. I'M WITH THE I.R.S. I'M HERE TO COLLECT $10THAT YOU OWE IN BACK TAXES. YOU'RE NOTFROM THE I.R.S. YOU GLUED MY PUBESONTO YOUR FACE. TAX EVASION IS A VERYSERIOUS OFFENSE, SIR. I SUGGEST THAT YOU--ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. I'LL TRADE YOU MY PUBESBACK FOR THE MONEY. YOU WILL ?OH, COOL ! HOW MUCH DID I CHARGE ?OH, YEAH, $10. YOU GOT CHANGEFOR A 20 ? OH, UH... I ONLY GOT SIX DOLLARSAND 12 CENTS. OH, WELL, THAT'S OKAY. HERE, JUST GIVE METHE SIX DOLLARS AND THEN I'LLGIVE YOU THE 20.OKAY. NOW, GIVE ME THE PUBES ANDI'LL GIVE YOU BACK TWO DOLLARS. RIGHT.NOW, GIVE ME THE 12 CENTS AND I'LL GIVE YOU THEREST OF YOUR CHANGE BACK. COOL. AND THEN GIVE ME THE 20 ANDI'LL GIVE YOU THE PUBES. SWEET ! UH-- AH, GODAMMIT !

THAT BIG, SMELLY,ASS-SNIFFING ASSHOLE. I'M GONNA GET HIM ! CARTMAN, CAN I GIVE YOUSOME ADVICE ? WHAT ?!JUST LET IT GO, DUDE. YOU'RE ONLY OUT $16.12--COUNT YOUR LOSSES AND MOVE ON. HE'S SMARTER THAN YOU. HE IS NOTSMARTER THAN ME ! HE JUST CHARMED ME,THAT'S ALL. HE'S A CHARMER,THAT SCOTT TENORMAN, BUT I'LL GET HIM SOMEDAY. ONE, PLEASE. ONE, PLEASE. ONE PLEASE. ONE PLEASE. THAT'LL BE SIX DOLLARS. OKAY, AND HOW MUCHIS THAT IN PUBES ? WE DON'T TAKE PUBES. LISTEN, MY MONEY IS AS GOODAS ANYBODY'S, DON'T YOU-- DISCRIMINATE AGAINST MY PEOPLEBY NOT ACCEPTING THESE PUBES. WE DON'T TAKE PUBES,END OF STORY ! RACIST !

SCOTT, SCOTT ! COURTNEY LOVEIS IN SOUTH PARK ! SHE'S ALL DRUNKAND SPREADING HER LEGS AND SHOWING HER"POONANER" TO EVERYBODY ! YOU GOTTA GO CHECK IT OUT !I'LL WATCH YOUR HOUSE FOR YOU. OKAY, I'LL BUYTHE PUBES BACK, HERE. WHAT ?$16, TAKE IT. I'LL EVEN THROW INAN EXTRA FIVE, HERE. GIVE ME BACK MY PUBES. WHY DO YOU WANT THEMBACK SO MUCH ? NO REASON.I DON'T BELIEVE YOU. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. THE PUBE FAIRIN FORT COLLINS. PUBE FAIR ? THEY'RE PAYING FIVE BUCKSA HAIR FOR PUBES. IF I LEAVE NOW I CANCATCH THE LAST BUS. FIVE BUCKS A HAIR ? THAT'S LIKEA MILLION DOLLARS ! HERE, TAKE YOUR MONEY. HA, HA, I DON'TTHINK SO, SCOTT, I'M GOING TOFORT COLLINS MYSELF. OH, YOU CAN'TDO THIS TO ME, NO ! HA, HA, SURE RIGHTYOU ARE, SCOTT. HAVE YOU NO HEART ? HA, HA, WHATA STUPID ASSHOLE ! HEH, HEH, HEH. HA, HA, HOO !ONE MILLION DOLLARS ! WOO ! AH ! HA, HA, HA. HEH. EH, EXCUSE ME, SIR.YES. CAN YOU TELL ME WHERETHE PUBE FAIR IS ? THE PUBE FAIR ? YEAH, I'VE GOT SOMEPUBES TO SELL. THERE'S NO SUCH THING,YOU LITTLE SMART ASS. NO-- NO SUCH THING ? YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO BEERIC CART-MAN, WOULD YOU ? I'M ERIC CARTMAN. OH, I THINKTHIS IS FOR YOU. AHHHH !

( all talking ) CONCERNED CITIZENS,I THANK YOU FOR COMING. I KNOW THAT YOU'RE ALLDEEPLY TROUBLED AND WANT TO FINDA QUICK AND PAINFUL WAY TO GET RID OF SCOTT TENORMANONCE AND FOR ALL. YES, CLYDE. WHO'S SCOTT TENORMAN ? YEAH !YEAH !YEAH ! SCOTT TENORMAN IS AN 8thGRADER WHO SOLD CARTMANHIS PUBES FOR $10, AND NOW CARTMAN'SALL PISSED OFF. 16 DOLLARSAND 12 CENTS. HE IS A DISEASE. HE IS A COLD,CALCULATING MAN, AND I WILL HAVE REVENGE ! WHAT ARE YOUGONNA DO ? DID YOU GUYS SEE THATMOVIE, "HANNIBAL" ? WHERE THE DEFORMED GUYTRAINED GIANT PIGS TO EAT HIS ENEMY ALIVE ? WELL, IF WE FIND A PONY,WE CAN TRAIN IT, TRAIN IT TO BITE OFFSCOTT TENORMAN'S WIENER. IT WILL BE PAINFULAND HUMILIATING. EVERYONE WILLSEE IT HAPPEN. AND THEN, SCOTT TENORMANWILL FOREVER BE KNOWN AS THE KID WHO HAD HIS WIENERBITTEN OFF BY A PONY ! HA, HA, HA !! WHAT'S IN IT FOR US ?WHAT ? YEAH, WHY SHOULDWE ALL CARE ABOUT GETTINGSCOTT TENORMANBACK FOR YOU ? OH, RIGHT.WHY SHOULD WE CARE ? WHY SHOULD WECARE, INDEED. LET'S JUST LET SCOTT TENORMANWALK AWAY WITH MY $16.12. HELL, LET'S LET ALL THESCOTT TENORMANS OF THE WORLD TAKE WHAT'S OURS ANDLAUGH IN OUR FACES. WHY STAND UP FOR YOURSELFWHEN YOU CAN JUST WALK OUT OF HERERIGHT NOW AND SAY IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM. BUT, YEARS FROM NOW,WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND HAVE CHILDRENOF YOUR OWN, WHAT WOULD YOU GIVE TO COME BACKAND FIGHT THIS ONE DAY ? THIS ONE DAY, WHERE YOU COULDHAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE. WHERE YOU COULD'VETOLD SCOTT TENORMAN,"YOU MAY TAKE OUR PRIDE BUT YOU WILL NEVER TAKEMY GOD DAMN $16.12 !" NOW WHO'S WITH ME ? TIMMY ! CHRIST. ALL RIGHT, I GUESS IT'SJUST YOU AND ME, TIMMY. OH, NO, NOT TIMMY. ( door slams )

COME AND GET IT ! COME ON, PONY,BITE THE WIENER. BITE IT. COME ON, GOOD PONY. THAT'S IT. NOW, BITE IT OFF ! BITE OFF THE WIENER,GOOD PONY ! OH, NO, PONY,HE'LL LIKE THAT. ERIC, ARE YOU TRAININGTHAT PONY TO PLEASE YOU ?! NO, I'M TEACHING IT HOW TOBITE SOMEONE'S PENIS OFF. OH. WELL, DOES MR. JENKINS KNOWYOU'RE USING HIS PONY ? HE SHOOTS TRESPASSERSON SIGHT, YOU KNOW. HE SAID IT WAS OKAY. ALL RIGHT, THEN. WAIT-- WHAT THE HELL ARE YOUTRAINING JENKINS' PONY TO BITE OFFSOMEONE'S PENIS ? BECAUSE...OF SCOTT TENORMAN. I HATE HIM, AND I WANT TOMAKE HIM SUFFER. WELL, SON, I THINK YOU'VE GOTA PRETTY STUPID PLAN THERE. NOT LIKE THAT, PONY ! LOOK, IF YOU WANNA GETREVENGE ON SOMEBODY, YOU'VE GOTTATHINK LIKE A HUNTER. WHAT DO YOU MEAN ? STEP ONE: FINDSOMEONE'S WEAKNESS. STEP TWO:EXPLOIT THAT WEAKNESS. HOW DO I DO THAT ?

WHAT DO YOU SEE ? I SEE SCOTT TENORMAN, WITH HIS GINGER RED HAIRAND HIS STUPID FRECKLES, AND GOD DAMN IT,I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM ! NO, YOUNG HUNTER,I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU SEE ? YOU MUST LEARN ALL YOU CANABOUT YOUR KILL. RIGHT, RIGHT. LET'S SEE... THERE'S POSTERS, RADIOHEAD POSTERS. AND HE'S READING A MAGAZINEABOUT RADIOHEAD. WHAT'S A RADIOHEAD ? YOU KNOW, THE BANDTHAT SINGS THAT SONG. ♪ WELL, I'M A CREEPI'M A WEIRDO ♪ ( through voice box )♪ What am I doing here OH, JESUS, DON'TSTART SINGING, NED. SO, THE SUBJECT IS A BIGRADIOHEAD FAN, HUH ? ( Cockney accent )MAYBE I SHOULD COME UPWITH A LIT'L SCHEME THAT INVOLVES THEM. NICE THINKING,YOUNG HUNTER. WHOA.WHAT ? I'M LOOKING INSCOTT'S PARENTS' ROOM. SCOTT'S MOM'S ABOUT TOTAKE OFF HER BRA. WHAT ?!GIVE ME THOSE ! HOLY CROW,HE'S RIGHT, NED ! MRS. TENORMAN'SLETTIN' THE TWINS OUT. LET ME SEE. RADIOHEAD...YES, OF COURSE. DEAR GOD, THEY'RE EVEN BIGGERTHAN I EVER IMAGINED ! LET ME SEE,LET ME SEE ! HERE YOU GO.WOW, THOSE WERE GREAT. MAYBE I SHOULDGRAB SOME BEERS, NED. NED, WHAT--ARE YOU JACKIN' IT ? KINDA.WELL, STOP IT ! HEY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOUDOING OUT THERE ? OH, CRAP ! WHO'S OUT THERE ? NED, FOR CHRIST'S SAKES,STOP JACKIN' IT. I CAN'T. DON'T THINKI DON'T SEE YOU ! I KNOW WHO YOU ARE,AND I'M CALLING THE POLICE ! WHOA !WHOOPS ! I GOTTA GETOUT OF HERE !

OKAY, CARTMAN,WHAT DO YOU WANT ? STAN, KYLE,THANKS FOR COMING. I'VE GOT IT ALLFIGURED OUT. GOT WHAT ALLFIGURED OUT ? HOW TO GETSCOTT TENORMAN BACK. OH, JESUS. I'VE JUST FINISHED PLANNINGA "BRILLIANT LIT'L SCHEME" THAT SHOULD PUT SCOTTIN HIS PLACE FOR GOOD. AND IF YOU HELP ME, I'LL GIVEEACH OF YOU TWO DOLLARS. OKAY, SO WHAT'STHE PLAN ? IT'S A BRILLIANT COMBINATIONOF MY LAST TWO PLANS. SCOTT'S FAVORITE BANDIS RADIOHEAD, RIGHT ? YEAH ? SO, I REALIZED, WHAT IF WE GOT RADIOHEADTO COME HERE TO SOUTH PARK,RIGHT ? THEN THEY COULD MEETSCOTT TENORMAN, AND, SEE HIM GET HIS WIENERBITTEN OFF BY A PONY ! WHAT ?DON'T YOU SEE ? IF I CAN GET THIS PONY TOBITE OFF SCOTT'S WIENERIN FRONT OF RADIOHEAD, THEN SCOTT WOULD CRY. AND IF SCOTT CRIES,THEN RADIOHEAD WILL THINK SCOTT TENORMAN ISTOTALLY NOT COOL ! AND THAT WOULD MAKESCOTT TENORMAN WANT TO DIE. HA, HA, HA ! OKAY, I'LL KEEPWORKING ON THE PONY, YOU GUYS GO GETRADIOHEAD TO PLAY HERE. READY ? BREAK ! YOU'RE SUCH ADUMB-ASS, CARTMAN. FINE, I'LL DO IT MYSELF !YOU GUYS JUST WATCH ! READY, PONY ?BITE IT ! YES !

WE HAVE WORK TO DO. JUST A SECOND, FELLAS,LISTEN TO THIS. "DEAR RADIOHEAD.MY NAME IS ERIC CARTMAN, "I'M A YOUNG, SUPPLE 8-YEAR-OLDBOY FROM SOUTH PARK, COLORADO. "I'M WRITING TO YOUBECAUSE OF A KID I KNOW "NAMED SCOTT TENORMAN. "SCOTT IS 15, ANDI'M AFRAID HE HAS CANCER. "IN HIS ASS. "RADIOHEAD IS HIS FAVORITE BAND,AND IT WOULD MAKE HIS SHORT LIFE "IF YOU COULD FIND IT IN YOURHEARTS TO VISIT HIM BEFOREHE DIES, ALONE, SCARED. "WON'T YOU PLEASECONSIDER IT ? I DON'T THINK HE'LL MAKE IT PASTNEXT TUESDAY AROUND FIVE." WOW, WE HAVE TO GO. TO COLORADO ?BUT WE'VE GOT AN ALBUM TO MIX. DIDN'T YOU HEARTHE LETTER ? THIS POOR KID HAS CANCER !IN HIS ASS ! ( phone ringing )

( kid )Scott Tenorman ? WHAT DO YOU WANT ? We just wanna warn you,Eric Cartman, the 4th grader, is going try totrick you somehow into getting yourwiener bitten off by a pony that lives atJenkins ranch. HOW DO YOU KNOW ? 'Cause we're his friends. THEN, WHY ARE YOUTELLING ME ? 'Cause we hate him.OH. Well, we just thoughtwe'd let you know. See ya.SEE YA. ( doorbell ) HELLO, SCOTT.HEY. I WAS JUST STOPPING BYTO INVITE YOU TO MY"CHILI CON CARNIVAL". IT'S A CHILI COOK-OFFWITH RIDES. EVERYONE'S COMING, AND I WANTED TO DROP BYYOUR INVITATION, PERSONALLY. OOH, A CHILICARNIVAL, HUH ? THAT SOUNDS GREAT. YEAH, THERE'S EVEN GONNABE A BIG SURPRISE SO YOU WON'T WANNAMISS IT, SCOTT. OH, AND HERE, HERE'S A COUPONGOOD FOR ONE FREE PONY RIDE. WOW, A PONY RIDE, NEAT. OH, IT WILL BEVERY NEAT, SCOTT. GOSH-- CHILI,RIDES AND PONIES-- WHAT MORE COULD I WANT ? ( quietly )A LITTLE PENIS-BITING,PERHAPS. WHAT ?NOTHING, NOTHING. SO YOU'LL COMEFOR SURE THEN, SCOTT ? HOW COULD ITURN IT DOWN ? SWEET, KILLER.BYE, SCOTT. OH, YOU ARE GOOD, ERIC,YOU ARE VERY, VERY GOOD.