Apple’s personal virtual assistant Siri is a smart cookie, but she’s veered towards the apocalyptic and apocryphal this morning, predicting the opening of the gates of hell on July 27th.

If you ask Siri “What is July 27,” her response is invariably “It’s Sunday, 27 July 2014 (Opening Gates Of Hades).”

Curiously, Siri’s timetable for this imaginary apocalypse changes quite significantly if you reworded the question. Ask her explicitly when the gates of hell are opening, and she’ll tell you that we’ve actually all been living in hell since May 14, 2005.

Both of these, of course, are just funny errors on the part of Wolfram Alpha, the computational engine that drives many of Siri’s queries.

When Siri claims the gates of hades will open next July, she’s actually talking about the Chinese ghost month, which is the 7th month of the lunar year, and which Chinese legend says is accompanied by the opening of both the gates of hell and heaven.

As for Siri saying that we’ve all been living in hell since the gates were thrown 2005, she might be right, but what she’s actually referring to is the opening of Hades, which appears to have been a mid-2000’s bar or club in Gates, New York. It isn’t around anymore.