I’ve been getting voicemails lately about going over a new 300 GB data cap currently being tested in Atlanta, and no matter how I try, I can’t seem to get my usage below the mark.

So I just got off the phone with Comcast support after canceling my service. Her advice to me, and I kid you not:

“Why don’t you just stop using Netflix so much and order more TV channels instead?”

Hahaha. Yeah, and I’ll stop reading news online and start getting the paper delivered. Heck, while I’m at it, I’ll lay off email and Twitter and just break out the stationary and postage stamps. “Deliver unto them my status updates with haste!” I yell to Paul Revere, who races off on horseback with a satchel full of selfies.

OMG you guys, you wouldn’t believe this one weird trick I just learned …

And wait, didn’t Comcast just sign a big deal with Netflix to “provide customers with excellent user experience”?

So why is a company that sells internet telling me to use less internet?

I’ll let you all figure that one out for me, because if it weren’t for this candlelight and the glow of my coal stove, I would literally be in the dark right now.