If Pyrrha could make as Ruby as happy as she was on Dustmas day, every day, then her life would be complete.

True, it would have been even better if Yang hadn't taken all the cookies in the house to make her customary giant cookie for Ruby – and blamed Santa Claus – despite the two redheads having spent the better part of the night guarding the kitchen…

But the expression of pure joy, and total happiness that Ruby seemed to embody, to such an extent that Pyrrha almost thought she'd break out in song as she let herself be led to the Dustmas tree, made up for any sleeplessness. Groggily, Pyrrha noticed Yang had already gathered at the tree, and there was an oddly shaped package under the pine tree, along with Blake – who had far less holiday cheer than her partner, or more aptly, was nowhere near awake – and Taiyang.

Even Qrow was there, to Pyrrha's surprise. If she was completely honest, she had doubts that he'd be up at the crack of dawn – none of which she voiced to Ruby, of course. Is… is he seriously drinking alcohol at eight in the morning? Emerald eyes squinted as the flask that the man kept taking swigs from, how does he function?

Pyrrha had barely sat down when Ruby zoomed away, a trail of rose petals leading to the tree as her girlfriend donned a little red hat before carefully picking up a gifted wrapped box and giving it to her dad. "Here you go, Dad!"

Taiyang accepted it with a smile, before unwrapping it, revealing a rather ordinary box. Opening the box, he let out a chuckle before pulling out a rather… interestingly coloured sweater that proudly said 'Best Dad' across the front in bright, mismatching colours. Opening the attached card and glancing through it, he turned towards his youngest, giving her a quick hug. "Thanks, Ruby."

Ruby gleefully smiled back before pulling away and darting back to the tree, and pulled out another package, this time for her uncle. And then for Yang. Then Blake. Then Pyrrha. Then herself. Then the process repeated. And again.

In rather short order, the base of the tree was looking rather barren to Pyrrha's eyes, with only a few exceptions – most notably what looked like a cane-sized candy cane. It was only then that Ruby stopped handing them out, plopping down on Pyrrha's lap with a satisfied sigh.

"That was tough work." Pyrrha noted with a touch of humor, prompting Ruby to roll her eyes as the elder one wrapped her arms around her. "So, when are you going to open your presents?"

While Ruby had been giving herself presents at the end of each turn, they'd been stacking up next to Pyrrha, unopened – except, of course her dad's gift, having opened that immediately. "Now, duh!" Ruby reached over, and tore open the first package – a rectangle about a foot wide, half that wide and long... to reveal a big book. Not like a textbook kind of big, but more of the sort where the words weren't scrunched together – as Ruby flipped through it. The kind that was less of the dime a dozen paperback, and more of an elaborate, leather-bound book - the sort that is meant to be kept for a very long time.

"Is… is this…" Silver eyes were wide as Pyrrha glanced at Blake. It was the kind of gift that one didn't need to look at the card to figure out who it was from. The raven-haired woman nodded with a smile as Ruby let out a happy squeak, nearly falling off Pyrrha's lap from her excitement, "how'd you even find it?! Yang's been searching for a copy ever since she accidentally lit our old copy… on… fire…"

"I said I was sorry!" The blonde indignantly yelled before awkwardly rubbing the back of her neck, "It wasn't like I meant to…"

Yet Ruby had already stopped paying attention as Blake gave a comfortingly patted her partner on the back, totally engrossed in flipping through the short stories, only stopping to look at the illustrations. Handing Pyrrha the book after a moment, she darted over to Blake for a quick hug, mumbling out a thank you before returning to her girlfriend's lap. While Blake certainly set the bar high, Pyrrha had complete faith that her own gift to Ruby was going to leave it in the dust – after all, I don't lose.

Gently setting the book of fairy tales aside, Ruby moved onto the next package. Once more, Pyrrha knew who it was from immediately; the poorly wrapped present – which was more indicative of its odd shape and less about the wrapper's ability – was definitely a huge cookie the size of Akoúo.

"Ruby?" Pyrrha asked in a half whisper.

"Hm?"

"Is that what Yang gets you every year?"

Silver eyes blinked as Ruby scratched her head. "Yeah, pretty much… why?"

Pyrrha's response died in her throat, as she shook her head, glancing over to Yang, who gave an all-knowing wink. Her own gift had been tickets to an establishment with a name so pun-y that both of them groan upon reading it… clearly meant for a date with Ruby.

I wonder what she got Blake… Emerald eyes wandered over to the Faunus, whose face was beet-red and was clutching a black book of some kind to her chest. On second thought, ignorance is bliss.

The next gift looked a lot like Blake's, except about half its thickness, like a really slim book, which Ruby tore open in seconds revealing… Ninja Fighter 10. Pyrrha knew that it was part of the series that Ruby and Yang would play constantly with their uncle whenever he was around.

"Maybe if you get some practice, you can finally beat your big sister," Qrow smugly noted.

"Pfft, I'll still be the ninja champion!" Yang rolled her eyes, dismissing the notion with barely a thought as Ruby let out a disgruntled sigh and crossed her arms.

"When was the last time you actually beat me?" The uncle leaned forward in his seat. "Last I checked, you haven't won against me yet."

"Next time, old man!"

"Hey, don't call me old!" Yang stuck her tongue out in response. "And you'll still lose."

"Why, you are old." Taiyang pointed out, as the two men started to bicker, something that Ruby had clearly tuned out as she placed the game in the growing stack next to Pyrrha.

That only left Pyrrha's gift from the original stack.

Well, one of her gifts…

Does last night count as a gift? The memory of which made heat start to diffuse throughout her, I suppose so, since I did have a bow on… and not a single thing else… Idly Pyrrha started glance back at the kitchen, before stopping herself – no, we cleaned it at least three times afterwards, it's fine.

Still, Pyrrha was excited to see her girlfriend's reaction to the neatly wrapped box – I put a lot of effort into it, I'm sure she'll like it. There was a certain kind of joy, or rather, happiness that came from giving gifts seeing the face of your loved one light up and knowing that you were the one to make that happen.

Already, she could see Ruby grinning, from ear to ear as she read the small little card on the outside of it. Ever so carefully, she started to gently pull at the bright red-coloured packaging, pulling off the bow before making great pains to not hurt the gift inside by accident. The anticipation was building as she slowly went.

The bow finally came off and shortly thereafter the wrappings too, as a rather ordinary box was revealed…

…and a blood red portal opened in the middle of the room, spewing out two older, dark-haired women; one of whom looked like a rather twisted, seductive, sinister version of Ruby, while the other looked like a hardcore version of Yang… each in a varying state of undress.

Both of whom, were currently a step or two above just making out.

Qrow and Taiyang's bickering died instantly; Ruby's dad's mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water, while the uncle blindly groped around for his flask, draining it until it was empty.

Yang, on the other hand, just stared. Stared was too underwhelming to describe her reaction. Her mouth was slightly agape, and her lilac eyes transfixed on the two women, her arms hanging limp by her sides. It was a reaction that Ruby surely mirrored, as Pyrrha's gift dropped from her hands, making a muted thud against the carpeted floor – entirely forgotten by the girl.

Emerald eyes sought out some form of an answer, before noticing Blake looking at her, just as confused about what had just happened and why the family was shocked into silence. Besides the obvious fact of two women teleporting in while making out. Waiting it out seemed like the most prudent course of action.

It was in this quiet that Pyrrha's ears honed in on the two remaining sources of sound.

The sound of wet lips meeting, of heated excitement between two adults. The urgency in their breathing, as the younger-ish woman's breath hitched for a moment as the one who looked like Yang bit her lip. Or the way a stray hand was travelling through clothing barely held in place on their bodies, the fabric rustling and straining against each woman's strength. The way that guttural moan of need started in the back of one of their throats as-

"M-Mom?" Yang's voice was choked full of more emotion than Pyrrha had ever heard… it was a far-cry from the usual teasing tone, the happy go-lucky attitude- wait, that's her mom?!

Now it was Pyrrha's, and Blake's, turn to gape at the two; the woman that had abandoned Yang as a baby, who had just walked out on Ruby's dad and her teammates, the person that Yang had spent her entire life looking for…

…as the two women kept going at it, clearly not paying any attention.

"Raven."

No response.

"Raven!"

Still nothing.

"RAVEN!"

Crimson eyes finally pulled away enough to notice that there were indeed other people in the room. It was at that point the Yang-look alike, Raven presumably, pushed the one who looked like Ruby away. Her fiery eyes suddenly lost their sheen, the all-consuming fire in them dying down, as the smaller one struggled to at least look decently.

Quite suddenly, Pyrrha was acutely aware of just how much she did not want to be here.

"What's, um, what's going on?" Ruby was the one to break the silence.

Yang glanced at Ruby – and by extension Pyrrha, considering the smaller girl was sitting on her lap – with eyes starting to blur from tears, before pointing at the older, taller of the two newcomers. "Mom… it's… mom."

"Raven, what the hell are you doing here…" Qrow shook his head as he staggered on the spot, his slurring only getting worse, "why are you here?"

"Well, I thought that since it's a weekday, you," Raven pointed a finger at Taiyang, "would be at Signal, and the brats would be at Beacon, and you…" Crimson eyes narrowed, "why are you even here, you don't even live here, Qrow."

The other woman groaned after a moment. "It's the twenty-fifth, isn't it? Damn it, Raven."

"How was I supposed to know that anyone was going to be here? It's a fucking Monday – I didn't think anyone was going to be here at nine in the morning!"

"Well, clearly you were wrong." The Ruby-look alike let out an annoyed huff.

"Hey, don't you talk back to me!"

"I'll talk back as much as I want-"

Before anyone could react, Raven grabbed the woman by the throat, the Ruby-look alike not even putting up the smallest struggle as she was lifted into the air…

…which in turn only made the fire in her eyes start to smolder once more.

"This is what happens when you misbehave." Raven's voice was ladened with lust, "a pet should know their plac-ah!"

The choking woman's hands latched onto Raven and started to glow brightly, causing her to jerk back and let go. "I'm sorry," Pyrrha heard no sincerity in it, "but remind me again, who was the 'pet' last night, hm?"

Pyrrha couldn't quite see what happened next, as Raven suddenly threw the woman to the ground, before dropping on top of her, pinning her, and blocking the redhead's view of what was going on.

"You are my pet, not the other way around." The assertion came out as a growl before a very high pitch moan came out from the other woman. "You are mine."

"Raven."

"Mine and mine onl-"

"RAVEN!"

"WHAT?!"

"WHY ARE YOU HERE?!"

"I FORGOT SOMETHING!"

"YOU'RE JUST REMEMBERING THAT NOW, AFTER TWENTY YEARS?!" By this point Raven and Qrow were standing inches apart, screaming at each other.

"NOT THAT, ASSHOLE, SOMETHING ELSE!"

"WHAT THE HELL IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN HER?!" Qrow gestured to wide-eyed blonde girl.

"EVERYTHING ELSE!"

"WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?!"

As the Branwen siblings shouted at each other, the couch shifted slightly, as the other woman sat down with a glass with wine… and the accompanying bottle, pilfered from the kitchen. While she had clearly decided to adjust her clothes – not that they could really be called clothes, more like thin strips of fabric – to something slightly more presentable, that did little to end the growing, unsettling feeling that emanated from her; the kind that sent a shiver down Pyrrha's spine.

"I don't suppose that either one of you would be related to Summer Rose?" Even over the shouting, Pyrrha could clearly hear the woman's tone; it felt soft, even seductive… yet there was an undeniable amount of controlled power laced through out it.

"T-that's my mom," Ruby answered after a moment. "…d-did you know her?"

"Only by name." The woman sipped from the glass, before a look of disappointment briefly flashed across her face, "I suppose I expected too much from provincial swill."

"I'm sorry if this is too forward, but…" burning amber eyes focused on her, analyzing her, picking Pyrrha apart piece by piece, "…who are you?"

"…I suppose that would be proper." The woman noted after a moment or two, taking another sip of wine. "You may call me Cinder."

"I'm-"

"Pyrrha Nikos." Cinder noted, before glancing at her girlfriend, "which would make you, Ruby Rose." Her eyes didn't linger long enough to see the nod. "Well, Pyrrha, Ruby, this day seems to be going poorly all around." She scornfully regarded the siblings who were still screaming at each other, "you're lovely family get together doesn't seem to be doing very well, and my prey seems to have gotten… distracted."

She let out a sigh, "There is no strap-on in the world that is worth this."

Normally, such a comment would have gotten lost in the yelling, except for this being one of the few moments of quiet since Qrow and Raven had to breathe at some point. It was in this quiet that Taiyang finally spoke up.

"You came here, after TWENTY YEARS, for a sex-toy?" The incredulity was so thick, that it seeped from his voice at the mere notion of why Raven returned.

Crimson eyes focused on him, "It was a really fucking good sex-toy, I'll have you know!"

"THAT'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN YANG?!"

"IT IS WHEN YOU ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING A WOMAN, WHY YES IT IS!"

Something clicked for Qrow, causing him to finally turn away from his sister, and to Taiyang, with something that almost sounded like a snicker, "you let Raven peg you?"

"What?! NO!"

As Pyrrha was trying her best to not stare at the two men, or Raven – who was now cackling – her gaze happened across Yang… who was somehow looking on the verge of tears, disgusted, and like she was about to laugh at the same time.

"-haaa, Tai wished I did, but it wasn't him."

"Then who the hell did you use it on?"

"Summer."

Silence reigned supreme once more, before Ruby started to gag, "I think I'm going to be sick!"

As Pyrrha comfortingly patted her and started to scan for a nearby trash can, Raven decided that it was the best time to rub salt into the wound. "And I wouldn't have stopped using it, if that jackass hadn't forgotten to wear protection and the bitch decided to raise a family and then die."

The gagging stopped as Ruby went completely still.

A second passed.

Then another.

Soft sobbing started to fill the room, as Ruby cried into Pyrrha's shoulder. That was tipping point for Qrow, who decked Raven in the face, knocking off the sadistic smile across her face and into a snarl, as she swung back at him. Instead of taking it, Qrow morphed into a crow, with Raven quickly following suit. Angry squawks of birds filled the room, as a raven and a crow clawed and pecked at each other in a mid-air free-for-all.

The bird fight ended with Raven un-morphing, grabbing the cane-sized candy cane still under the pine tree and hitting Qrow with it so hard that the cane snapped in two. It knocked the avian form of Ruby's uncle into the tree, snapping it in the middle, leaving an unconscious Qrow and a broken tree as the only survivors.

Wild-eyed, with hair splayed out behind her, Raven stared daggers at the remaining members of her family, "Does anyone else want some, eh? No? Well fuck you, I'm leaving!" Unsheathing the sword at her waist, she sliced another blood red portal into existence.

"That seems to be my cue." Cinder handed Pyrrha her glass, who numbly accepted it before the raven-haired woman stood up, the bottle still in hand, "I would say it has been a pleasure, but then I'd be lying..."

With that, she walked through the portal.

It was an act that Raven seemed like she was about to repeat, except for the robotic hand latched onto her arm.

"For the love of dust, what now?" Crimson eyes stared into their mirror image. "What do you want?"

"I-I know you aren't here to see me, or that you ever want to see me again…" Yang's voice was heavy, yet despite the growing tears her eyes burned blood red still. "But-"

"I saved you." Raven's voice was full of indignation as if Yang was accusing her of something so utterly false it was inconceivable.

"S-so that wasn't a dream-"

"The strong do what they can, and the weak suffer what they must." Crimson eyes darted to the robotic arm that had finally let go of her. "You are suffering and therefore you are weak." Those eyes flickered back to Yang, regarding her with disdain. "I was right to not intervene."

"I… that's… wait." Something clicked in Yang's head, as her eyes returned to their normal lilac colour. "You… knew…?"

"The weak die, and the strong survive. That's the rule." Yang's flesh and blood hand was digging deep enough into her upper arm that blood was beginning to freely flow, "Clearly, you aren't strong, so what is there to gain from talking to a weakling who won't survive, like you, Yang Xiao Long?"

When no response was forthcoming, Raven made an annoyed clicking noise with the back of her throat and stepped towards the portal.

"You are a horrible person." The accusation bubbled forth from Pyrrha, "…an evil, violent woman. Do you even have a heart?"

The crimson eyes coldly regarded Pyrrha for the first time. "It died with Summer."

It was with those words, Raven closed the distance and vanished, along with the portal.

With the intruders gone, everything quieted down for a moment, besides Ruby's sobs.

Wordlessly, Yang all but ran towards the garage door, tears streaming down her cheeks, as Blake followed closely on her heels. The door opened and slammed shut, before familiar motorcycle engine was revved and drove off.

Which just left Ruby, Pyrrha, Taiyang, and an unconscious crow.

The number only lessened as Taiyang took a look at Ruby and Pyrrha, and robotically walked towards his open bedroom, closing the door. From what little Pyrrha had seen of him, he looked shattered, as if he was drop off in a desert without a life-line… lost. However, Pyrrha had more pressing matters to deal with, namely her girlfriend who was crying against her shoulder.

What should I say? Words were failing Pyrrha, as she couldn't think of a single thing, not a singular thing that could in anyway lessen what had just happened. In the absence of words, she did the only thing she could think of, pulling Ruby into a tight hug. Pyrrha might not have shown it much, but she wanted that hug as much as Ruby clearly did. I just wanted to spend Dustmas together as a happy family… clearly the universe had taken issue with that in the form of Raven Branwen. She hugged Ruby tighter.

Minutes ticked by as the sobbing lessened, the warm tears eventually stopped dripping down, onto Pyrrha.

"Yang's mom is mean."

"Yeah." The words sounded child-like, but were completely true – though Pyrrha had some rather more… negative ways to describe the woman. "Do… do you think Yang is going to be okay?"

Ruby nodded into the crook of Pyrrha's neck, "Blake's with her and she usually keeps Yang from doing anything too dangerous."

"That's good." It was hard to find a way to break the awkward silence, as Pyrrha flailed about, trying to figure out what to say.

"D-Do you think she was lying?" Pyrrha had to strain to hear Ruby's voice. "About my mom?" She sounded like she was on the verge of tears again.

"Perhaps. Perhaps not." Pyrrha struggled for a response. "I-

"I... I don't know which is worse." Ruby cut her off. "Either mom and her…" The smaller girl shivered. "Or it was dad and her with a, um, yeah… I don't know which is worse."

"Perhaps she wasn't such a… mean individual back then?" Pyrrha helpfully suggested.

The trace of a sad smile crossed Ruby's lips.

That left Pyrrha right back where she had started; in the grips of a stifling silence, albeit a slightly more comfortable silence than before, as the smaller girl seemed considerably happier. Even her breathing finally calmed down, no longer the erratic pace it had been at as when the tears had been flowing.

"I-It's not usually like this…"

Ruby's voice was barely above a whisper, yet Pyrrha heard it all the same. "U-usually, we open presents and dad makes a big breakfast… and then w-we watch movies… or go sledding…"

Pyrrha's mouth opened and then closed. What Ruby needed, or at least wanted, was normalcy, which was something that Pyrrha was going to try and provide, "…what does your dad usually make?"

Curious silver eyes regarded her, tears having caked the corners of her eyes. "Um, pancakes?"

Pyrrha gave the most reassuring smile she could muster, as she stood up, effortlessly keeping Ruby in a tight embrace, cradling the smaller huntress. "It may not be as good as your dad's, but I do live with Lie Ren."

The comment made new tears start to form, albeit accompanied by a smile, as Ruby pecked her girlfriend on the lips, "I love you. So much."

"I love you too."

While Pyrrha would never say that she was a 'good' cook, she certainly felt that Ren would have at least given her a passing mark on the pancakes, as she and Ruby went about making them. Well, it was mostly Pyrrha, given that Ruby was wrapped around her waist, unwilling to let go of her.

By the time that they were done, the smell of food had lured Taiyang out of his room and even Yang had returned with Blake, her eyes red from crying but looking far more together than when she had left.

The sound of silverware cutting and food being consumed filled the air, with little talk, the air of holiday cheer only slowly starting to return.

"…who here is in favour of never mentioning that ever again?"

Everyone's hand raised immediately in response to Yang's question.

Yet conversation did not return – while Pyrrha was sure that no one was going to say anything about it… it was still on everyone's mind.

"So Pyrrha," Yang started, having demolished her stack of pancakes and needing something to focus everyone on besides the purple elephant in the room. "Did Ren teach you how to make these?"

"Ruby did, actually." The girl in question, made a confused sound. "Remember, when we were on a mission and Nora was the team leader?"

"Wait Nora was the team leader?" Blake's usually calm and collected voice was full of incredulity. "Nora was team leader over Weiss?"

Ruby nodded energetically, "Yeah! It was kinda awesome, come to think of it…"

"Isn't that the girl with the hammer?" Taiyang asked after a moment. "The one who won the first match at the Vytal tournament?"

"Yup!" While Ruby may have answered, Pyrrha felt a bit of pride for her team swell up in her.

"Okay but… Nora as team leader." Blake didn't seem to be able to grasp the concept. "How… why…"

"It was pretty awesome." Ruby nodded vigorously, "like…"

While Ruby excitedly talked about every facet of the mission, something occurred to Pyrrha, "…why do we have six chairs out?"

"…for Uncle… Qrow…?" Silver eyes widened, before a trail of rose petals fluttered down to the ground, leading to the living room. "ZWEI NO! UNCLE QROW ISN'T A CHEW TOY!"

Pyrrha only got a glimpse of the corgi with a crow in his mouth, before Ruby rubbed the dog's belly, causing him to involuntarily drop the unconscious bird. "Bad dog!"

The corgi clearly knew those words, as his ears folded back and he sadly waddled away. "Dad! How do we wake up uncle Qrow?"

When Pyrrha glanced at the man, she could tell that the first response that had come to mind had been something rather less than kind, as he was snickering. "I suppose we could just toss him out in the snow, and the cold will wake him up."

"Won't he freeze out there?" Concern laced through Ruby's voice. "It's like fifteen degrees below freezing out… out…" Silver eyes widened in horror, causing Pyrrha to notice Zwei walking back into the room.

Except, he wasn't alone. Rather he was dragging a very weirdly shaped object which was covered in straps, before dropping it in front of Ruby. Yet, that wasn't the end of the whole story, as once it landed, it started to vibrate obscenely.

Any semblance of the normal holiday cheer coming back was now officially shattered.

Silver eyes looked imploringly into emerald ones.

"So next year, we're spend the holidays with your family, Pyrrha?"

AU: I bet no one was expecting that, eh?

So a bit of backstory; when I was writing the Thanksgiving special, I was wondering about who all would realistically show up, and clearly Raven came to mind. Then I started to think "man, that'd be awkward for Ruby." That thought morphed into "yknow what is even more awkward? Watching another family fight/have drama." Hence why we get Pyrrha watching this.

This is why I asked a few weeks back if people were going to be okay with this crazy idea I had that was super cracked and the response I got was a resounding YES... AND HERE WE ARE

By far, this is the longest Spoon Equality chapter by a wide, wide margin. I don't think we'll get many chapters of this length, considering that I had a bit of free time to work on this, and I usually only do this in a day, and not over the course of a week…

Tl;dr: this is what happens when I get something like twenty reviews telling me to do my worst :P

Tho, I have to wonder... what did you think of it? The chapter, that is.

In other news… Acceptance editing is proceeding and should be released on January 1st of 2017. I think that's about it?

Thank you for reading, I hope everyone has a wonderful day and enjoys the holidays! :D

…well, at least more than Pyrrha and Ruby did…