THE prime minister has resolved that the next 12 months will see her propose a successful policy.



She said: “It’s just a silly thing I promised myself I’d do when I got into power, but the problem is I’m not exactly sure what the policy should be.

“I did have hopes for grammar schools, which everyone hated, and the fifth runway wasn’t popular, and there’s universal credit, but that’s very much a total and utter balls-up.

“It can’t be that hard. All I’ve got to do is think of something everyone likes. I’m sure I’ll be good at that.”

May added: “Obviously Brexit doesn’t count. That will happen, but it’s a certain disaster and I’m resigning straight afterwards.”