BLOOMINGTON, MN—Cursing silently to himself upon realizing that the cashier in his lane was engaging in conversation with every patron, local Trader Joe’s shopper Dan Wetzel confirmed Tuesday that it was now too late for him to switch to another line manned by a less outgoing employee. “Oh, no,” said Wetzel, who reportedly looked around in momentary panic after overhearing the clerk cheerily ask a pair of customers about their recent weekend activities, only to find that several people had filed into line behind him and that the window to slide over to an adjacent lane had long since closed. “Ugh, goddammit.” At press time, Wetzel had forced a half-smile to his face and braced himself as the store employee began making chipper inquiries about the meal Wetzel was planning to make with the items he was offloading from his basket to the counter.

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