Emboldened by the unexpected – if much feared – victory of Donald Trump in the United States’ presidential election the inhabitants of the ultra-conservative fringe in Ireland have thrown aside all pretence of rationality and embraced their inner Breitbart. The aged doyen of the country’s wannabe alt-right, Ian O’Doherty, writing in the Sunday Independent:

“…Trump was attractive because he represents a repudiation of the nonsense that has been slowly strangling the West. …He won’t be a president worried about microaggressions, or listening to the views of patently insane people just because they come from a fashionably protected group. He also represents a glorious two fingers to everyone who has become sick of being called a racist or a bigot or a homophobe… Trump’s victory was a two fingers to the politically correct. It was a brutal rejection of the nonsense narrative which says Muslims who kill Americans are somehow victims. It took the ludicrous Green agenda and threw it out. It was a return, on some level, to a time when people weren’t afraid to speak their own mind without some self-elected language cop shouting at you. Who knows, we may even see Trump kicking the UN out of New York.”

And if that rambling nonsense isn’t a definition of ultracon insanity I don’t know what is. But hold on, here comes wee Niamh Horan to impress – or appal – us with her best am-dram Ann Coulter impression:

“The silent majority finally came out last week. Every single group which the mainstream media, social-justice warriors and political elite claimed Trump hated carried him to victory. They rejected the suffocating political correctness in favour of tangible change: jobs, financial security and rebuilding the American economy. As someone who listened to the controversial Trump tapes and wondered if I was wrong not to feel deeply offended, it was refreshing to see Trump’s comments put in perspective. Yes, they were shocking and I don’t condone what he said – but I could see it for what it was: meaningless banter between two men, showing off behind closed doors. When Enda Kenny is finished dusting off the harp to welcome Trump back, it would be worth his while asking Trump for a few pointers. We would do well to have someone like him on our team.”

Well, we sort of do have someone like Trump, though not so much on our national team as in a breakaway domestic league. Step forward Ian Paisley Jr of the DUP with proof in the Newsletter that though he may be gone the shadow of Big Ian is a long one indeed.

“Ian Paisley Jr has revealed that he has met Donald Trump in nine of the last ten years since attempting to persuade the tycoon to invest in Northern Ireland a decade ago. The North Antrim MP hailed Mr Trump’s success as a “revolutionary change”. He told BBC Radio Ulster’s Good Morning Ulster programme: “This is about the little guy biting back and he bit back with a vengeance.” “I first met Donald Trump, along with my father, in 2006 and I’ve kept that relationship going. I’ve met him every year bar one since then; I’ve had his family in Northern Ireland twice; my family have been with his family in the US on at least one occasion…””

Donald Trump, an American Paisleyite. Now that makes sense!