You know that thing where someone is walking toward you, and you move one way but so do they, then you move the other way but so do they, and you repeat this dance until, inevitably, one of you says, “Shall we dance?”

Awkward moments like these can be panic-inducing, and judging by the number of books and articles and videos on awkwardness that have popped up in recent years, this is far from a unique worry. So many of these try to help by offering outrageously specific advice. Don’t let a conversational silence last longer than four seconds. Memorize this easy formula for politely ending a conversation: “Content Summary Statement, Justification, Positive Affect Statement, Continuity, and Well-Wishing.” Tilt your head and point your feet toward people you’re talking to, in order to show them that you’re interested in what they’re saying.

There is something soothing about this kind of prescriptive advice, especially because it’s so often backed by the sweet certainty of studies. Do exactly this, this and this, and you’ll never feel awkward again! And yet in practice, wouldn’t focusing so closely on your movements and your words only make you feel that much more self-conscious?

It’s a version of something psychology researchers call explicit monitoring theory, a concept that’s often applied to athletics. The gist is this: Focusing on the details is a good way for newbies to learn the basics of some skill or sport. But when expert athletes think too hard about what they’re doing, that can cause them to screw up. Psychologists have a nifty little questionnaire intended to gauge how likely people are to choke under pressure; those who are tend to be more likely to agree with statements like these:

“I’m self-conscious about the way I look when I’m moving.”

“I am concerned about what people think about me when I am moving.”