Closing doors in our lives can be scary. It’s understandable to want to keep the door cracked in order to give us some odd sense of freedom. However sometimes in order to grow and discover new opportunities on the horizon, we need to officially let go of parts of our lives that serve as dead weight. This is the end of a chapter, not the entire book.

Although I’ve privately known I was an atheist for some time now, I’ve only recently openly and unapologetically identified as such. This hasn’t resulted in significant changes in my outlook or the way I react to certain situations. The majority of my moral positions I’ve had for years, including when I considered myself a Seventh-day Adventist. But Adventist is an identity I no longer have or wish to be a part of.

I love podcasts, and for several months I have been listening to a great one titled The Seventh Day Atheist Podcast. It’s hosted by a couple former Adventists that discuss their experience in the SDA church and their lives after leaving. I like this podcast not only because of the intellect of the hosts, but because of their tone. This isn’t a Christian bashing session; this is just stories and experiences being told from an honest and secular perspective. In an episode earlier this year they asked the question, “Have you removed your name from the books?” I had honestly never thought of this before. Was I seriously still counted as a member of my local church even though I hadn’t regularly attended there for over 10 years? I never consented as an adult to have my identity co-opted and used as a data point for this organization! Then I began to make excuses about how whatever membership was, it wasn’t a big deal and didn’t really mean anything. It’s not like I’m giving money or providing labor for the SDA church. Having my name somewhere in some book really doesn’t matter. Well after a few days of thinking about the physical verses the ethical cost of technically being a registered Adventist, I realized that it did indeed matter.

I began by doing some investigation regarding the process for leaving the SDA church. Eventually I found the official church manual with instructions on removing members at their request. I then proceeded by calling my local SDA church in Knoxville, TN just to find out if I was even an actual member there. A woman answered the phone and I explained I wasn’t sure if I was a member, but that if it turned out that I was, I wanted my membership removed at their earliest convenience. She took my contact information and said that she would work to investigate and honor my request. A few weeks later I received an email stating that I was indeed a member, and that any request for removal must be brought before the local church board for review. I assumed this would be a brief process because, as I stated previously, I hadn’t regularly attended my local church in many years. I had gone away to boarding school at 14 and then went straight to college. Anytime I visited this church with my parents, most assumed I was a guest. To my surprise, a few weeks later I received a couple voicemails. Both were individuals I had known for many years that also happened to be church board members. They both told me that the board had received my request for removal, and they wanted to know if there was anything they could do. They also wanted to ensure that they as individuals or the local church hadn’t done anything to hurt me. They were sad, but not condescending. I briefly explained my reasons which did not include any ill will towards my local church. I appreciated these phone calls because they represent how relationships are more than just sharing an ideology.

This brings me to the present. Last night I received an email from the pastor of the Knoxville SDA church expressing gratitude for my patience in the process, but also sadness in my desire for membership removal. The board had however honored my request. He ended his message with statements of love, encouragement, and apology for any way he may have failed me. Although the process was done, and this email in no way required a response, what follows is my reply that I think articulates why I wanted to “officially” leave the Seventh-day Adventist church, and why I believe others in my situation should as well.