What I learned by the time I turned 40

Wisdom that was passed down to me over the years or hard earned lessons. Here are 12 lessons I’ve learned over the years that help to keep me sane(ish).

You are never the only one

No matter how sad, scared, lonely or overwhelmed you are or how unique your situation there is always someone that has felt those same feelings. You are not alone.

Everyone gets THE FEAR

That feeling when you wake up in the morning crippled with anxiety and self-doubt as you had a glass too many and can’t quite remember what happened next. That happens to everyone (well everyone that drinks).

On the subject of drinking

No one’s looking at you.

Chances are that if you are out and going a little wild then the people you are with are too. No one is looking at you, no one cares, no one will remember – they will all be too crippled by THE FEAR in the morning to even give you a thought

Not everyone feels their best at 40.

If I had a penny for every article I read that starts ‘I’m 40/50/60 now and I’ve never felt better’ then I’d be able to afford Botox. Great for you guys but I’m 42 and I sure as hell don’t have it all figured out. I still struggle to stand up for myself. I still get anxious. I still have no idea what to wear. I still don’t know how to cook risotto. I haven’t even figured out my career yet. So if you don’t have it sorted at 40 then don’t worry you are not alone.

You get older but feel the same

I’m 42. To my kids, I look like an old lady but in my heart, I’m still a teenage dirtbag. I dress like a deranged hippy, I drink too much, I spend too much time googling new music and my mouth still has no filter. I’m 42 but I feel 24.

Mental and physical health is all about mind over matter.

For every 40-year-old moaning about their knees and how they can’t do what they used to do there is an 80-year old running a marathon. Not always, but mostly life is about mind over matter.

I had a friend who was doing Yoga the day before he passed away from cancer. I have a friend who is running Ultra Marathons at 65. These people have achieved these goals because they Work. So. Hard. Get off your backside and get out there.

Mental Health? I’ve been so crippled by panic attacks I wasn’t able to leave the house. Half of getting better was down to drugs; the other half was by refusing to let it beat me. MIND OVER MATTER.

You have fewer friends but better ones

In your 20’s you amass a huge group of friends. You gather people around you that share your interests and build a Facebook page full of acquaintances. In your 30’s shit gets real and so do your friendships. By the time you’ve hit 40, you have worked out who is there for you and who isn’t. That friend that picks up your kids when you have an emergency. The one who brings over medicine in the middle of the night and who is always at the end of the phone when you need her. Those are the friends you keep. Toxic friendships, shallow friendships, Facebook friendships? There just aren’t enough hours in the day.



Let it go

Pride used to make me feel that it was necessary to win every argument. Sometimes even if I was wrong. Now I know that letting it go is a secret weapon. Very few things in life are worth a fight. Save your energy for those arguments that are really important and leave the bickering to someone else.

Stop comparing yourself to others

Someone else is always richer, thinner, prettier, calmer, and funnier. Comparing yourself is a completely pointless waste of time. Be yourself and forget about anyone that doesn’t adore you just the way you are.

But be respectful

Being yourself doesn’t mean being an arsehole. The older I get the less respect I have for people that treat others like shit. It’s not cool to shout at people just because you are having a bad day. It’s not nice to take advantage of other less fortunate or needier than you. Treating others the way you wish you were treated is everything… and if you don’t. It may just come back to bite you. Karma is a bitch.

Hug and love more

You can never have too many hugs or say I love you too much. Tell everyone all the time. I want no one in my life to have any doubt how much I care for them.

Everything in the world can be fixed with salt water; sweat, tears and the sea.

Never was there a truer wisdom:

Run away your anger, cry away your pain, then swim in the ocean remember everything that is good in your life.