So there was this guy that had a crush on me. At first I tried to be nice, and give him subtle hints that I wasn’t interested, but he just kept pushing and pushing it to the point where he became creepy and disgusting. But this is about mansplaining, not Nice Guys™ who bitch about girls not liking them because they do creepy things.

There are several instances of his mansplaining, it’s hard to recount every single one. I will say the ironic thing is that he would tell me that I am “super smart” (which, yes is true) but he would still act as if he knew so much more than me because…? Oh, right, he was a man, and I was a woman, that automatically made him smarter than me.

However, here is the creme de la creme of his mansplaining. Harry Potter fans, you might not want to read this.

So one time, me and my best friend were talking about Harry Potter, and he decided to butt in, and his new girlfriend backed him up. (Take note that he also does his flirting schtick right in front of her.) He told us that Hermione was a whore. Of course, me and my actual friend were completely shocked and kept asking him why he believed that. The way she acted in school, he said. Hermione had a total of two boyfriends throughout the book series: Victor Krum, and Ron. Cormac McLaggen was after her, but she had absolutely no romantic interest in him at all. But like, just the way she acted with them, he (and his girlfriend) says. The only thing she ever did with either of them was kiss them, not exactly promiscuous.

And then, the icing on this bullshit cake. As I am arguing with him on this, he literally says, and I quote, word for word “You must not have been paying attention to the books.”

I have read each and every Harry Potter several times over. Hermione dated Victor Krum at 14 years old. Admittedly, he was 18, but they strictly kissed only. She broke up with him because she just didn’t like him. Cormac McLaggen, as I mentioned, was trying really hard to get with her, but she gave him no attention until Ron started dating Lavendar, making her jealous. Admittedly, not cool, but Ron was in a literal relationship with Lavendar Brown, just because he wanted to kiss her. And then, Ron. Even when her and Ron were camping with Harry, they still slept in different rooms of the tent. They didn’t have sex until after the war, and it can even be assumed that they didn’t have sex until they were married. SO, at count, Hermione Granger has slept with one person. Her husband.

Then again, clearly I wasn’t paying attention, because I must have missed the scene where Hermione Granger, beloved literary heroine of the modern age, was blowing all the guys in the Room of Requirement. Right?

Seriously, calling Hermione Granger a whore is disgustingly sexist, misogynistic, hypocritical, dangerous and not funny in the slightest. And then telling me that I wasn’t paying attention to the books I have loved and cherished since my childhood? Fuck you.