Hi, I would like to first say that I really enjoy your site, it's helped me think a lot about privilege. I feel stupid admitting this but because I *am* privileged, I've only recently started to think about it. So thank you for helping to open my eyes, to thin privilege and others. Would you advise me on the best way to not sound like a troll but to comment/talk to people? What is your advice on checking my privilege? Should I just not comment?

Asked by

ambrosia110

First of all: Go you, you noticed that you have privilege, and that you have some ethical obligations because you do. It is astounding how many people do not get that, ever.

Second: For a while, maybe a couple months, don’t comment on things. Read. Just read. If you hit something you don’t understand, google around. If you still don’t understand, THEN you ask. Be polite, understand that explaining things to you is not necessarily the first priority of the people you’re reading. Say, “Would you be willing to explain…” and then when you sometimes get “No” for an answer, accept it gracefully. Before you ask, look over the site//blog/post and see what it is: Is it a personal rant? Is it a discussion among people who all share an oppression? Is it aimed at a wider audience? There’s an upward-progressing trend there of who is mostly likely to be willing to explain things.

When somebody does explain something to you, and it upsets you — which it will sometimes — STOP. Do NOT respond immediately. Go away and think about it. Try to see it from their point of view. Google around some more and try to figure out exactly what it is that upsets you. Are you upset because you’re “not like that”? The best way to prove that you aren’t is to actually not act like it, rather than attempt to explain that you aren’t, which makes you sound like an ass. Are you upset because you think this person doesn’t understand YOU? Then you’ve missed the point, which isn’t for them to understand you, but for YOU to understand THEM. And so on. Most of the things that will upset you will be based on your privilege. Most of the rest of the things will be tone issues, in which case, remember that people get to be angry about this shit, and if you are in their space, then it’s theirs to be angry in, and chill.

If a space makes it clear that you are not welcome, don’t comment there.

When you read, before commenting anywhere, see what kinds of things other commenters say, and what things piss people off. Don’t act like the outsiders who piss people off.

That’s what I’ve got.

-MG