Diluting NHS funding for Homeopathy to make it infinitely more powerful

Following a recommendation by the British Medical Council to scrap funding for Homeopathy on the NHS, homeopaths have claimed that such a dilution of their funding will only serve to make them stronger.

Homeopathic treatments are based on the principle that the more diluted a substance is, the more powerful it becomes, and in many cases the treatments that contain none of the original substance whatsoever are considered the most potent of all.

Leading homeopath Dr Dana Malik explained, “You’re essentially taking NHS funding from 0.001% to 0.000000000001%, which as any good Homeopath will tell you, makes that funding significantly more effective.”

“Taking all this money away is much like giving a billion pounds to any other scientifically proven area of medicine. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out this dilution of our funding leads to a homeopathic cure for cancer.”

“Well, another one.”

Memory

Just as Homeopathy relies on the fact that water can remember what was in it even when it’s no longer there, homeopaths claim the memory of previous funding will allow them to continue to grow their practices.

Malik continued, “Just because we can’t prove how or why something works, or even effectively demonstrate that it does work, does not mean that it doesn’t work.”

“So just because you’re mind is closed to the fact that taking all of our money away will actually make us stronger, doesn’t mean it won’t.”

“The important factor is that we potentise our bank accounts by shaking them in exactly the correct manner, ensuring that the memory of the previous funding is transferred to our now empty bank accounts.”

“This is absolutely the best thing that could have happened to homeopathy in the UK. In fact, I’m feel wealthier already.”