Anonymous064 Fri 26-Jan-18 21:06:44

Hi, I’m not a mother and I don’t plan on becoming one anytime soon. Although I can not wait to become one when the time is right, I am here to specifically ask the mothers out there that might know how to have a better relationship between the mother and daughter?

I am a 16 year old girl, who is doing pretty well with studies, I have worked my arse off getting to sixth form just so I can get a better access to having a good future. It’s been quite hard with the lack of money we have, all my friends have successful mothers and fathers which also quite difficult to cope with. For some reason - I’ll never understand why - my mother doesn’t seem to care. When I was a little girl she used to adore me but now I’ve got older the relationship has deteriorated. It has got to the point where I now can’t bring myself to say “I love you” or even touch her, it does not feel right. Everyday when I get home, I do not get a “hi, how was your day?” or even a look. She sits on her phone with my baby sister and acts as if she’s didn’t know I came in. I just go upstairs and go along with it because what’s the point? In a morning she huffs and puffs at me and looks at me like I’ve done something terribly wrong. As a result, I just grab my lunch and get out the door asap. If I stay too long it’s put some in a bad mood for the rest of the day and I just want to cry badly. When I’m hungry she makes me feel awful. This is the worst, and is the topic that I get upset about the most. I feel so guilty asking for food when I’m hungry as she shouts no, she says I eat too much of it, or “fine whatever”. I am a skinny girl who weighs 7 pounds - and I know what you’re thinking, most girls would adore that which I appreciate, but I do not like it as I’d like to look healthier with more weight. It is something that I’m deeply struggling with as accessing food isint even a consideration at home for me anymore, I just sneak it when she leaves the house. My step dad counts everything so when things go missing, my heart drops in case I get embarrassed by one of them for eating; making me feel ashamed the next time I eat and turns into one big cycle. Don’t get me wrong, I do eat! It’s just I’d love 3 meals a day and for them to be healthier and not something that’s quick and easy.

I also don’t understand why my friends and other girls I see are able to talk about boys and other girly things mothers and daughters do. To me, I see that as a scary thing and often I come to realise that I’d actually love to also do that because they seem like they are the best friend you’ll never have. I’d love to go shopping, out for dinner, get my nails done or simply just have a girly night in at home. Daring to ask for this or even thinking about it makes me feel pointless, silly and embarrassed because I can’t imagine me and my mum in any of those suituations when I barley talk to her - I would find it extremely awkward. I’d love to have a relationship with my dad, but unfortunately he passed away a long time ago. Just to confirm I’m not mentioning that for sympathy, but just to convey my struggle of not having either parent to talk to or do things with anymore. I hate it.

I know when that when I have my children I will be the complete opposite. I hope for my children that we can have a good relationship regardless of their gender, a healthy diet, a healthy mindset, things paid for and a good education and social life. I already love them and they aren’t even here! It makes me happier to think that from this I’m turning a bad suituation into a good one for the future, not copying!

I may sound completely ridiculous, ungrateful or silly as others may have it harder, but this has been going on far too long and I feel like this is the right place to express my feelings. Is jealous? Am I doing something wrong? Can mothers tend to regret having children? Please someone help me understand as I’m deeply hurt thankyou so much for reading this.