Monday’s matchup between the Seahawks and Vikings was, at its heart, such a dumb game; a manifestation of the kind of reckless and almost desperate style of play that, at its end, is somehow fun. I went into this battle with an unnerving certainty that the Seahawks would need to score lots of points in order to keep up with the Vikings offense, and that Minnesota’s defense would be up to the task.

Instead, the Seahawks D played one of its best games of the year. Quill reminded us that he can, in fact, defend passes! McDougald again got his hands on a critical RZ pass! Tre Flowers – more like Tres makes the other guys Cower, amirite? No? – again came up with some clutch tackles! The front four rebounded Kirk Cousins’ screams of panic, ruining both his mind and throwing motion. And Bobby Wagner, our Defensive Father of the Year, published a manifesto, informing the League that the imbeciles who make its rules are cops and deserved to be ridiculed.

The offense was not good.

Except for one good thing! It seems fitting that, after almost sixteen months to the day that George Fant suffered a season-ending injury against the Vikings, he would have his chance for revenge by *checks notes* catching a play action pass and stumbling his way to just less than a first down.

— I need to interrupt this article to say that, at the podium, Peter Clay Carroll offhandedly criticized Russ Wilson while attributing the victory to 10 completed passes + 42 runs = greater than 50, which we all know is the magic number, ergo victory. —

Some will claim that the Seahawks are continuing to only pull off victories against teams with not-winning records. But they’re starting to show that what those teams have in common is that they are being ruined by the Seahawks (see the Packers and Panthers, now perhaps the Vikings), the Thanos of the League.