Goat Blocks: A Slap in the Face to Goats and Humanity

***Update***

The original Craigslist posting for the Goat Blocks townhouse apartment now takes you to a much more reasonably-priced (in terms of Portland prices) studio apartment. It’s unclear why the original listing was changed, but it may have something to do with the anger over the absurdly-priced townhouse on social media.

***Original post: 4/24/2017, 3:52 pm***

Remember when Portland out-Portlanded itself by having a whole two acre meadow dedicated to a herd of goats? Those were happy times.

And in unsurprising news, the developers who bought the goats' old home have built a huge, overpriced apartment building on top of it.

I'm not sure what alternate reality these developers were living in when they decided it would be a good idea to name the building "Goat Blocks," but apparently that's the name. Where we once had a lovely goat field, there's an apartment building very few can afford, and a sad reminder of the good old goat days. However if you're the type of person who says, "Fuck goats!" then you might like it.

According to an ad that's been making the rounds among gobsmacked Portlanders, a two-bedroom, two-bath townhouse at Goat Blocks goes for the very hefty price of $3,760. If that sounds a bit out of your price range, fret not! They advertise a selection of "studios, 1 bedroom lofts, and 2 bedrooms [which] provide stylish living spaces for every Portlander." That is, every Portlander who can afford paying nearly $1,500 a month for a studio apartment.

Some other things that Goat Blocks townhouse purports to offer: Scandinavian inspired touches "that convey a feeling of elegance and simplicity" and a staircase made out of 400-year-old reclaimed wood! Take that, goats.

If you're interesting in living in Goat Blocks, you might also want to check out the best places to eat goats, you MONSTER. While you're at it, stop by this unmanned kombucha station for an opportunity to really slap Old Portland in the face.

By the way, thanks to the Merc's archives, I was able to find out that in 2002 you could rent a 1,500-square-foot three bedroom just up the street for only $1,275 a month. You could rent a studio in the same neighborhood for about $500.

If all this makes you want to say goodbye to Portland (and I'm right there with you), I have an answer. There's a five acre goat farm for sale in Redmond! It's a hefty investment, but at least you won't be living above the tortured souls of angry goats.

There's a shit ton of new apartments to hate in Portland, but congratulations, Goat Blocks! You're the new champ.