From the Office of Dr. Kari Yamamara

I usually don’t like to lead into these things with hyperbole, so you’ll have to take me at my word when I say that I believe SCP-3812 is the most dangerous anomaly on Earth, and potentially in the universe. I know many of my coworkers would probably balk at me for saying that, and I’ve tried to reject the notion a fair few times myself, but we have a lot of evidence to suggest that I’m right, and that’s really bad for pretty much everything.

When James Caldmann and Carlos Rzewski devised the Hume as a way to measure alterations in local reality, they probably saved the Foundation. Reality benders have always been the foot-long thorn in our side, the one we really couldn’t get our heads around. How do you combat or contain something that can blink you into non-existence? Thanks to Dr. Scranton, we had the reality anchors, but they only worked half the time and were less than useless the other half. We didn’t know how they worked, and we weren’t using them right.

This changed when we began to measure reality and compare it to a baseline. We found out that our reality anchors could be tuned and adjusted, and that not all anchors were the same. It was a windfall for those of us who work in existential sciences, and suddenly Type Greens weren’t the same kind of boogeymen they had been in the past.

I mention all of this to give context to what I’m about to say next; our equipment cannot detect SCP-3812. It’s not machine error; we’ve tested our equipment countless times and it’s always consistent. It’s not user error; we’ve poured over and studied thousands of hours of logs from our tests, and it’s all come up clean. We have checked and rechecked more times than I can count over the last few months, and the results are consistent.

So far as we can tell, this means one of three things, and none of them are good. The first is that SCP-3812 has an extremely low Hume value, something that our equipment, which exists in a space with a much higher Hume baseline, wouldn’t be able to detect. The problem with this is that it creates a false vacuum; we’ve been working on the assumption that our baseline is the absolute minimum. If it turns out that this thing exists at a much lower Hume value, then that means that there are lower Hume values than what we believed were the minimum, which means any day our entire reality could fall into that existence and that would pretty much be the ballgame.

The second option is that SCP-3812 exists at a much higher Hume value than anything we’ve ever tested. This would be pretty bad, as we’ve pointed our counters at anomalies that some would consider to be gods and we’ve gotten readings off of them. That being said, something with a Hume value so high that it cannot be measured with our equipment would likely have already destroyed us. Since SCP-3812 hasn’t done that, it’s likely not this.

The last option is the worst. The last option is that SCP-3812 cannot be measured in Humes, because it’s doing something else. Whatever fundamental aspect of its nature that allows it to warp reality is not the same aspect as literally everything else we have ever come across. Scranton hypothesized that there might be higher and lower dimensions of reality, different levels of manipulation in the grand construction of the universe. The difference between manipulating a rock with your hands and manipulating a rock with an atom bomb. He called the thing being manipulated the “narrative”, and suggested that the narratives were stacked on top of either other, each creating the narrative of the narrative below it, and so on, until you reached some sort of dead space below them all.

If that’s the case, and SCP-3812 is legitimately a Type Green of some higher order, we are absolutely fucked. The singular power to manipulate every facet of any and every aspect of everything we’ve ever encountered in the hands of someone genetically doomed by Eigenmann-Vietor. It’s a miracle it hasn’t happened yet, even by accident. So far as we know we can’t kill it, so we either wait for it to die (if it even can) or continue to pretend we have some semblance of control over it until it shreds our universe like some sort of cosmic woodchipper.

In truth, it’s probably better for us that it’s insane. It isn’t capable of comprehending the kind of things it could do to us. It just acts on impulse, and things change to fit those impulses. But since it’s as locked in as it is, those changes stay local. Imagine if it got the idea in its head that it didn’t like the concept of empathy, and suddenly empathy no longer existed. We have evidence that suggests that may have already happened. A few sparse texts and individual accounts of half-forgotten memories, all consistent with a dirty reality alteration, all point to the idea that as recently as the 1980’s there was a concept, potentially even something as fundamental as an emotion, that no longer exists. An entire concept, wiped clean from reality and the collective consciousness of all sentient beings, just like you’d wipe a bug off of your windshield.

The point of all of this, which I expand upon in the report, is that we need to start figuring something out about this one quickly. Every second we don’t come up with a way to neutralize SCP-3812 is one second closer to SCP-3812 becoming completely dissociated from its consciousness and all of us getting tossed in the aforementioned proverbial woodchipper.

Stay in touch. Call my office if you need any more resources. Follow any convincing lead you can, and communicate with each other. We’ll talk more soon.

-K. Yamamara