So in the interests of furthering the agenda of artsy, feely, totally non-objective weirdo games writing in the wake The Hashtag That Shall Not Be Named, I decided that I was going to make a virtual mixtape. Are virtual mixtapes a thing? Whatever, I’m making it a thing. It’s different than a playlist because this assortment of songs is hand-collected and hand-pasted into a single WordPress page with love. We’re talking artisanal, cave-aged, free-range music compilations, not those music compilations you get out of a can from a factory.

I’ve got a few reasons for doing this. First, I talk about curation with frustration a lot, mostly because it’s used in the context of digital media as a way to keep “undesirable” stuff off of store shelves. So I figured I could show the good side of curation; the kind that isn’t used to gatekeep but is used to create a collection that makes its own statement by putting unrelated works next to one another. Second, I dig that mixtapes are so personal and taste driven. Everyone responds to songs in different ways and everyone listens to different bands. I’ve no doubt that there will be a song or two on here that makes people furrow their brows while thinking, “He chose that!?” And that reliance on intimate responses is something I want to embrace, something that has been so brushed aside by the dialog lately. Finally, I’ve really struggled to piece together a meaningful response to the past few weeks. I’m not being coy by refusing to call it out by name, either – I’m just so weary of the conflict that I’m intentionally avoiding reference to any Google-able keyword that may set the hounds loose. But make no mistake, this virtual mixtape is definitely a response to those events – or, if not a response itself, at least an attempt to process my personal response by breaking down a lot of concurrent emotions that I’ve yet to find adequate words for.

Regardless, much like a 14 year old’s mixtape professing undying love for his crush by including Rick James’ “Superfreak,” a lot of these songs aren’t meant to be taken literally in the context they’re being discussed. Instead, each one captures a tone, an emotion, or an idea that feels relevant to what’s gone down. Consider them all allegorical in some capacity.

This is Why We Videogaming – Jonathan Mann

…Except for this one, I guess. Based on Leigh Alexander’s half GTAV review/half cultural commentary, listening to this song for the first time in months is what inspired me to do this whole post. I love the optimistic tone as the song bounces back and forth between mocking the incredulously lofty gamer-placating praise “expected” of this sort of game review and the reality that mentioning any of the game’s ugly elements results in death threats (and usually towards women writers). It captures a defiant snark in the face of manchildren upset about trends in video games, and that’s definitely a relatable idea these days. And hey, it’s catchy to boot.

Bored of Everything – Ellegarden

I’ve said it before, and I’ll likely say it again: If I could afford the rights to this song I would totally make it the Errant Signal theme song. It’s an up-tempo punk song by a Japanese band singing in English where the entire chorus is about how bored they are of video games where you shoot zombies over and over. I’m not sure what else there is to say other than I like rocking out to the idea of being bored of yet another manshoots.

The Times they Are A Changing’ – Bob Dylan

Okay, yeah, this is probably a little overdramatic. What’s going down in the dorky subculture of video games ain’t got nothin’ on the social and cultural upheaval in the 1960’s, and by invoking this song I’m absolutely not trying to draw comparisons between that period and now. Like I said, these songs are presented because they capture something about my personal current response to things.

And yeah, the song resonates with a degree of truth in that regard. It is, in some ways, echoing what Golding, Alexander, et al discussed with their “death of gamers” pieces. An old guard of conservative authority is crumbling before a wave newly inclusive groups. If the people who wrote about The Hashtag of Doom as an extinction burst are right (and while I’m incredulous, here’s hoping) then the times may well be changing. Besides, if Watchmen can invoke it to talk about how fake super heroes were seeing change in their life time I’m pretty sure I can invoke it to talk about a legitimate change in a real subculture.

The Princess Who Saved Herself – Jonathan Coulton

A song about a woman un-damseling herself to engage in the everyday rather than a grand adventure seems indicative of trends and discussions in the greater game dev/criticism culture in general, but then you get this verse:

there was a dragon with a point tail he was bigger than a while and his breath was terrible he scared the princess when he came around tried to burn the castle down but she caught him by his tail then she tied him to a tree so the dragon couldn’t fly she told him he was mean and it made him cry when he finally apologized she offered him some tea (he accepted it graciously)

Kinda wish it was that easy.

Them and Us – Bad Religion

A song about two similar groups in a conflict because their perceived differences are used to promote a pointless conflict and violence fuelled by a sudden sense of identity stemming from being able to call the other side “enemies.” Can’t fathom how that’s related. Also it was in Crazy Taxi, so, hey, it’s got video game cred.

Aenima – Tool

The angriest song on this list, but also probably the most reflective of my mood over the past few weeks. Much like The Times They Are A-Changin’, this song has a clear-cut context that doesn’t apply here – a condemnation of L.A., Hollywood, and a shallow culture based around fame.

But at its heart, it’s a song about longing for the destruction of a culture the singer finds toxic. And that’s something I can get behind – as I suggested on Twitter last week, I’m ready to go all Ellen Ripley on things. There’s something about watching a subculture responsible for so much needless conflict and pain slowly rip itself apart that would feel… therapeutic. Cleansing. Cathartic. Plus, hey, the apocalyptic undertones reflect all of the “end of days for gamers” discussion that’s been happening.

So yeah. I don’t know if this experiment was a success onto itself. I’m afraid I’ve just written something that would pass as a Livejournal post 10 years ago. But in a way I wanted that – Livejournal was where people wrote about deeply personal life stuff for some time, and lived experiences and personal responses to works is very much what I’m trying to defend here. We need more of the personal, the intimate, the critical. We need more of everything that certain hashtags are trying to steal from us.

If nothing else, though, I got to post something about this mess. I’ve needed to get all of this pent up anxiety, frustration, and bitterness out of my system for a while and the words just wouldn’t come. Maybe I’ll do a legit writeup some day in the future, when things are calmer (just today Jennifer Hale did a spot on NPR about the whole thing, and her Twitter feed is as fervently vitriolic as anything else I’ve seen lately, so my guess is it will still be some time). But for now I’ll let these songs speak for me.