For many people looking from the outside, the terms transsexual and transgender may be interchangeable and synonymous. Although transsexual is a subgroup of the larger transgender umbrella, a lot of transsexuals nowadays prefer the term transgender to describe themselves. They may dislike the term transsexual due to the attached medical stigma or social connotations attached to it.

Similarly, I reject the term transgender because of the social and political associations attached to the term. Before I go into the details, let me provide the operational definitions of the terms transgender and transsexual that I will work with.

The general definition of transgender is someone who identifies as a gender different from the one assigned to them at birth. It is an umbrella term that includes transsexual, non-binary, cross dressers, drag performers etc.

I will use the term trans* (with an asterisk) to refer to above group.

Transsexual is a transgender person who experiences gender dysphoria (aka gender incongruence). This makes us strongly feel that we are the opposite sex and want to function and appear as such. Most of the times, we take medical steps to transition such as hormone therapy and surgeries.

I will use the term trans (without asterisk) to refer to this group

Read more in The Demographics of the Transgender Population for nuances in the definitions.

We can see that the term transgender is more inclusive and general. It also focuses more on how one identifies themselves in relation to society. Transsexual is more specific. The sexual development condition called gender incongruence (formerly known as gender dysphoria) that transsexual people have is a medical condition as listed in ICD-11.

Being transgender in and of itself is not necessarily a medical condition — hence the emphasis on self-identification.

Photo by Mike Yukhtenko on Unsplash

Now that we’ve got the working definitions cleared up, let’s go into the details of why I feel left out of the trans* community.

It has been overrepresented by non-binary people

I have nothing against non-binary individuals. However, I find that most trans* spaces are overrepresented by non-binary people who have no gender dysphoria. Some non-binary people have dysphoria and I feel sorry for them. Yet in my experience at least, it seems that those who don’t are overrepresented.

I live in the UK at the moment. In some cities, there are annual Trans Pride events to celebrate trans* people. I went to Trans Pride Scotland 2018 and it was a pleasant experience to say the least. They held workshops to explore legal issues at work and school, transitioning tips, discussions about mental health, and held talks about queer history in Britain. The demography was visually balanced as well; there were trans women, trans men, non-binary people, questioning people, allies, people with observable disabilities, young people, old people etc.

However, Trans Pride Scotland 2019 is a far cry from what it had achieved the year before. For one, there seems to be more gender-fluid-presenting people who pass as flamboyant gay men. I personally think it is okay to experiment with gender expression but for an event dedicated to trans people, I feel like a minority. The workshops they held are lame and consisted of story writing and knitting. Sure, some people are into that, but I don’t see these activities as being useful and functional compared to discussions and talks about legal issues surrounding trans rights.

More focus was given on the performances which are mostly just whiny young adults who identify as non-binary reciting poetry. Sure, different people experience different difficulties in life, but based on the cringe-fest these people present, it really comes across as first-world-problems. If the worst thing you have to deal with is choosing what to wear, you are extremely spoiled and privileged.

At university, the LGBT society particularly the Trans society comes across as more of a clique of assigned female at birth (AFAB) non-binary people. Most have colourful hair and politically left-leaning. I have only been to the meetups about three times and almost all of the time I am the only trans woman in the group.

However, there is a trans community run by the local Health and Wellbeing Centre in the area I live in. The people who come to the meetings are usually older trans people and true transsexuals that need support in their transition. I relate more with the community I found here.

2. Narrative pushed by trans* activists are disempowering

I am pretty sure we all have heard of the scaremongering suicide and homicide statistics. The constant narrative that trans people are so oppressed and marginalised in society. The idea that everyone in the world hates trans people and wants us vanished.

Firstly, I find this narrative toxic and not empowering at all. Most of the statistics they use is of transsexual women, but they co-opt it to imply all trans* people experience similar level of violence. I have to emphasise that not all trans people are like this, only the vocal minority.

It is a problem when transsexual people are only used as a mule to further contemporary trans* activism. Modern day trans* activism actually benefits from how society interchangeably uses the term transsexual and transgender. They will use statistics and scientific studies about transsexuals and apply it to all transgender people under the trans* umbrella. I call this trans-appropriation.

Vulnerable people could internalise the narrative that everyone is out there to get them. In my experience at least, I have not experienced a single case of discrimination based solely on my gender. Ironically, the only hostility I often get is from the LGBT community with certain political leaning. Straight people and gay friends that are out of touch from the current queer politics are the friendliest towards me compared to activist-minded people who are LGBT themselves.

This is coming from a person who grows up in a conservative Islamic upbringing, went through proper schooling studying Islam and unfortunately having a few acquaintances radicalised into terrorism. Even these people are more tolerant towards me compared to some of these LGBT activists. That is saying a lot about how intolerant some of the people who paraded about being tolerant are.

As a trans woman, I want trans* spaces to be more positive. Sharing coping mechanism of how to cope with debilitating dysphoria. Team building activities that help foster community. Gender-affirming activities such as makeup tutorials for trans women. I am tired and disgusted by the vocal minority implanting the idea that we are helpless.

My advice to the trans* activists is to not be too hard-line fundamentalist about your beliefs. Tone down the self-righteousness and stop policing activities and language you deem offensive. Stop focusing on fighting menial battles and start improving the lives of actual trans people in the material world.

3. Binary genders are demonised

It has become apparent that some of the vocal activist minority operate more like a cult. Mantra such as Smash the Gender Binary and Gender Binary is Boring are inherently transphobic towards transsexual men and women and cisgender men and women as well. As a transsexual woman, those kinds of slogans are alienating to me. Now imagine the average cis person hearing that for the first time.

I am not sure of the politics surrounding those slogans but the optics of it are very negative and exclusionary. It may be the case that they are just semantics. Even if they are, they need a better marketing team to promote their activism, so more people can get on board with what they are fighting for.

Speaking of what these groups are fighting for, sometimes I see that they are focusing too much on many different things at once for the sake of being as intersectional as possible. In my view, let’s focus on our battles first before fighting for the rights of other minority groups such as sex workers. I am pretty sure sex workers have their own organisation as well that focuses on that. This disarray of focusing too much on different dimensions dilutes the efficacy of achieving the goal.

4. Trans* people focus too much on gender and placing themselves in conversations not related to them

My last two points refer mostly to trans* people within activist circles and therefore are not representative of the transgender community and transsexual community as a whole.

In my observation, some trans* people are so fixated on gender that it reaches an unhealthy level. They cannot focus on other life responsibilities. They tend to correlate everything in the world to themselves and how they are oppressed. Some even insert themselves in discussions that do not pertain to them in the first place:

Trans* people need to remember that they are the minority. Trans* identifying people are about 1% of the population while transsexuals are about 0.01% of total population.

The false dichotomy between what trans* activists call TERF versus trans people is unhelpful at all to everyone. Just like how trans people would focus more on getting our rights such as better healthcare services, education about transgender concepts etc. Similarly, women’s rights group may focus more on abortion rights, period poverty etc.

I am sure some radical feminists are actually transphobic but to say that all are, is just dishonest. Trans* activists claim that TERFs are violent towards them but just count how many instances of trans* people who have physically and verbally attacked and deplatformed people who disagree with them.

I am ashamed to be associated with this cult of trans* supremacists. Shutting down speech and academic discourse that they find offensive.

I think the truth lies in between. Sometimes radical feminists make it seem like transgender people are taking away women’s rights. Transgender people often have the misconception that TERFs are vile creatures. This caricaturisation from both sides needs to stop.

5. I don’t want to be represented by self-righteous people

I want to repeat again that not all trans* people are like the vocal minority. Mass media and clickbait media have the monetary incentive to put the most outrageous trans* caricature to sell their product — news packaged within a certain ideology.

That being said, the media is to be blamed as well. However, based on personal experience, some people within the trans* community are actually similar to the SJW caricature we often see.

As I mentioned earlier in this think piece, cis-het people and apolitical LGBT people are the friendliest and most welcoming of me. There have been so many instances where people close to me said that I changed their negative perceptions of trans people.

For most people that interact with me, I am the only trans person they have ever met in real life. I am pretty sure that when you only see a version of a caricature in the media but never actually meet one, you will carry a lot of perceptions about the caricature. Existing and interacting with society is my own version of activism. Changing the people around me by just existing and interacting with them.

Activism can also work by building bridges and engaging with people different from us. Speaking from experience, I think a lot of people who are bigoted towards trans people come from a place of ignorance. Majority of people want other people to live in safety and dignity.

My conversations with trans* minded individuals are often unproductive. Most of them focus on semantics on how using X word is offensive and policing language a lot of the times. Most of them don’t interact much outside their bubble of like-minded individuals. This may cause them to cultivate bad ideas as they go unchallenged. They are not wrong all the time and I do learn a lot from their circle, but sometimes their ideas about how the world operate is just unrealistic.

Now when these sheltered ideas are presented to the outside bubble, and people started questioning them. The authoritarian-leaning amongst them tend to throw slurs and shut down questioning. I am against this.

Photo by Kristina V on Unsplash

Last thoughts

I understand that for many trans* people including transsexuals, gender can occupy one’s mind 24/7. I am lucky enough to be able to not think about it all the time and this is partly due to transitioning. I am now able to just exist and live without much dysphoria and recurring thoughts about my assigned gender or lived gender.

Gender is not a huge part of my identity. I am a woman and I just happen to be transsexual. I am not proud to be trans. I just learn to live with it. It is very uninteresting and painful for me to have to live with gender dysphoria and be reminded of that. It is not internalised transphobia for me to dislike being transsexual.

I don’t want to be used as a pawn to justify transphobia against trans* people especially transsexuals. My views are my own based on my own limited experiences in life. As you can see, most of the reasons I presented are related specifically to trans* activist-minded people and their toxic behaviour. I want to step away from any political association with them.

That doesn’t mean they’re not doing good to the community. Just like any other things there are pros and cons. Trans activism and visibility have helped me a lot in medical transition and educational material about transgender identities. However, the behaviour of some of the vocal minority reminds me so much of cult mentality and mob mentality.

I don’t put a political label on myself, but I am more concerned about the material conditions that affect us and how to make the best of it.

Homeless trans people? Provide training and jobs for them.

Trans people who are sexual predators? Treat them similarly to how other sexual predators are treated

Trans people are not any better or worse than any average person. Being trans is not a substitute for a boring personality. Transsexuals in particular have gender dysphoria, so we just have to learn to live with it.

The conservative rights keep on blasting that we have a mental delusion while the regressive lefts claim that you are a woman if you say you are. Both narrative are false in my opinion. I don’t care anymore if some people deliberately want to call me a man or insinuate that I am. I am confident enough of myself to not need external validation. Words are just words and they can’t hurt you if you don’t allow them to.

Whatever it is, I want everyone to be kind to one another.