(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Sigmund Freud has got a lot to answer for, particularly when it comes to how we think about our parents.

While academics have proven time and time again that we learn our behaviour from our parents, it’s still a sore spot for people who don’t have great familial relationships to know that it could affect everything from personal finance to dating.

The term ‘daddy issues’ has come up in pop culture more times than can be counted, usually referring to women who are ‘damaged’ and might be easy to sleep with.

A number of men’s rights activists have spoken about the benefits and drawbacks of dating women with daddy issues, with these tweets recently going viral on the issue:


Here’s how: Tell a story about something you and your father did. I always talked about how I raced go karts and that brought my pops and I closer together. Then: “What’s your best memory with your dad?” — Kyle Trouble (@KyleTrouble) September 8, 2018

There are plenty of people out there who believe long term relationships are doomed to fail if you and your father didn’t get on, and it all dates back to Freud’s father complex (although he believed it was primarily a male issue).



Jung later developed theory that women could also be influenced by an absent or distant father, and would potentially try to overcompensate for that to try to gain affection or mistrust men as a result.

Nowadays, the stereotype of a woman with daddy issues continues. ‘Manosphere’ site Return of Kings said that a woman with these problems can be ‘modest, docile dynamo-in-the-sack who’ll come over to your house on short notice to have rough sex and bake cookies for you afterward.’

Or, ‘it can signal that you’re about to embark on a clusterfuck rollercoaster ride with a head case — that’ll likely end with the cops coming to your house, you having to repaint your car, or having to call Verizon Wireless to block a number.’

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

The manosphere taking advantage of vulnerable women is a whole different story, but studies have shown that ‘young girls who receive higher quality fathering engage in less risky sexual behavior’ and those ‘who had negative relationships with their fathers self-disclosed less in their romantic relationships and self-silenced more, hid their feelings more, and privileged their romantic partners in communication interactions.’

Dating expert James Preece says that in his experience, ‘women who are close to their fathers are often more confident with men than those closer to their mothers. They don’t spend their lives seeking approval from men as they have such a strong man in their life already.’

But what if you simply didn’t get on with your dad? How do you ensure that the prophecy doesn’t fulfil itself?

Child psychotherapist Dr. Fran Walfish says, ‘Truth be told, we can’t help the family histories we come from. Nor can we deny that people tend to categorise even when they are open minded and fair folks. We all need to do our best at constantly looking within and being accountable for our own ideas, thoughts, judgments, actions, and words.’

Self-reflection is as the heart of her strategy – both as parents or grown-up children – and she says that recognising what type of father you have is key, as ‘the way in which a girl’s father relates to her becomes her familiar baseline for how she expects and accepts treatment from men in her romantic relationships.’

Dr. Walfish's types of fathers Healthy attachment – Dad is interested and well-engaged.

– Dad is interested and well-engaged. Detached father – Father is not there.

– Father is not there. Unavailable father – Dad is there but focused on other things.

– Dad is there but focused on other things. Sports dad – Father is intensely into sports and can only relate to his child on an athletic level, both as spectator and active participant.

– Father is intensely into sports and can only relate to his child on an athletic level, both as spectator and active participant. Disciplinarian father – This dad has entered into a usually unspoken agreement that mum is the nurturer while Dad is positioned in the family as the disciplinarian.

‘Psychotherapy and high levels of motivation’ are Walfish’s recommendation for breaking the cycle of daddy issues, and making sure that not only do you avoid toxic relationships, but you avoid passing on these traits to any of your own children.

Walfish says: ‘If a parent thinks their parenting style falls into one of the less desirable categories, they need to take a painful, honest look within and become more self-aware.



‘Consulting with a child development or parenting specialist or a therapist can be very useful because hearing our own voice speak the truth out loud make feelings a reality or bring the unconscious to our awareness.’

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

In terms of dating specifically, try to stay away from partners who may be considered as having the same flaws as your father. Just because you lived a certain way as a child, doesn’t mean you need to experience it over and over.

Men can be trustworthy, attentive, and caring – even if that isn’t something you’ve been brought up with.

But, on that note, stay away from trying to seek affection at your own detriment. When you find someone that works with you to break the cycle of damaged familial relationships, you’ll understand that love is a two-way street.

If you’re worried that issues with your parents are affecting your relationships, speaking to an impartial professional is an important step in working through it.

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