Topics to Be Discussed During This Year’s Seder, More or Less in the Order They’ll Occur

Who’s watching what

What we should all be watching

What we want to watch but haven’t gotten around to it

Priorities

Concierge doctors

Traffic on the way to Seder

Highways and streets, pros and cons

Mistakes we’ve made

Where should we sit?

Why are we sitting here?

The repetition in the English translation of our Maxwell House-sponsored copy of the Haggadah

The wordiness of our Haggadah

Why is our Haggadah total nonsense?

Will we ever get a new Haggadah?

We’ll never get a new Haggadah

Tradition

The line at the deli

How much we spent at the deli

Who was working at the deli and what was he or she acting like

When we are going to eat

Is there enough food?

There’s too much food

Is the food good?

The food is good.

How good?

The food is very good.

Better than last year?

The food is the best it’s ever been.

How’s the brisket; the brisket is cold; it doesn’t matter how the brisket is; the brisket is how it is, end of story.

Is any of this homemade?

How everybody should shut up

What we should/could/would have made

What we have time for

What’s making us busy

Upcoming vacations

Will it rain tomorrow?

Wasn’t it nice out today?

Who’s pregnant?

How pregnant?

Who’s anti-Semitic?

Who has thyroid problems?

Hormone pellets

Did the [Sports team] win?

Can you say [racial slur] anymore?

What about regular wine isn’t kosher?

Manischewitz is undrinkable

Who’s drinking too much Manischewitz?

I’m drinking too much Manischewitz

What year things happened in

People we won’t mention

Why are some people we think should be getting married not getting married?

Dating apps, what are they

Dating apps, cons and cons

Who’s suffering under patriarchy

Can we please talk about anything else?

Why Easter is schmegegge

Amanda’s opening the wrong door for Elijah; why is Amanda on the balcony; did Amanda open the right door yet; can someone else open the door for Elijah?

The flourless cake tastes better than regular cake and who can believe it

When are we going to find the afikomen?

Why aren’t I allowed to find the afikomen?

How old we’ve gotten, inexplicably

Reasons we love our grandparents

Who gets what after our grandparents die

Retina Display

Next year in Jerusalem, but how?

Everything that went wrong during Seder

How nice everything was at Seder

Post-Seder traffic

[Not politics]

What’s on now?