LAST UPDATED @ 7:32PM (12.20.2015)

Fox "News" windbag Bill O'Reilly - " King of the Christmas Whiners." (Above)





PENSACOLA, FLORIDA ( The Nil Admirari ) - Today, avid Fox News viewer and Glenn Beck listener Nora Jolly declared she was outraged no one was stopping her from saying "Merry Christmas." Jolly - a casual church-goer who prefers to converse with God directly - told TNA she actively attempted to provoke multiple confrontations with unfortunate cashiers and other consumers at well-known department stores near her home, and no one told her she could not use the Christmas pleasantry."I don't know what is happening to America when I cannot start a fight over my besieged freedom to say 'Merry Christmas.' Multiple cashiers and other employees at nearly a dozen department stores refused to validate my belief that Christians like myself are victims being told not to say 'Merry Christmas,'" protested a highly offended Mrs. Jolly, a school secretary and mother of seven.Jolly added, "I even tried to start a fight with a cashier over some banners that read 'Happy Holidays' and 'Season's Greetings' that she almost certainly had no role in hanging. She wouldn't bite, and was super-polite in the face of me being extremely rude. And when I said 'Merry Christmas' to her, she actually said it back to me. Can you believe that?""It's almost like there is not an actual war on Christmas. This must be a new tactic being used by those who hate Christmas, but Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck haven't mentioned it," complained Jolly, who had failed to significantly inconvenience any of the other shoppers stuck in lines behind her earlier in the day.Merry angrily asserted, "I feel doubly victimized now. America is a Christian nation, and it isn't right making me feel like I am not a victim of an organized attack by anti-Christian and anti-Christmas people who hate America and freedom.""How else am I supposed to blow off all the anger I am told I need to have, because I am always under attack? Am I not important enough to be targeted as a victim? Is that it?" asked an utterly perplexed Merry.