Warren Ellis asked me to write this and I am O.K. with that up to a point. My unease is that the point is unnervingly sharp and very likely to turn in my direction. Here is the problem. Warren knows that I am a TRANSMETROPOLITAN fan, but how can he expect me to write about that? Does he think I just came down the Clyde on a tea biscuit? No sirree, this is not my first barbecue. If I write that Spider Jerusalem is my hero, does he think Spider will let me get away with that? I would be lucky to only suffer a blast from a bowel disrupter and it is much more likely my eyeballs will be popped as easily as squeezing a pustule and fed to the cat. If I write that TRANSMET is a beacon of brilliant irony and sardonic satire, could I survive the torrent of saliva-drenched invective and scorn S.J. would heap on me? If I wrote that TRANSMET made me laugh like a drain, are there enough lavatory bowls to contain Jerusalem's vomit?



If I confessed that I lusted after the filthy assistants, what foul perversions would I be accused of? If I praised the artwork as the wittiest, most disturbing since George Grosz, I would soon find myself depicted as a fucked-up, mechanics-addicted, feces-smeared background character. If I hailed this version of the future as persuasive and properly terrifying, I might never live to see it. You get my problem?



I think, however, that I can safely say this: I know this city. I have read The Word, I have listened to these politicians, I have smelt the stink of greed, I have thrown stuff at the TV, I have wondered what future there is for Truth and Beauty. I have wanted to go and live on the top of a Yorkshire moor.



Warren, tell Spider to stay healthy and keep writing the column.



—Patrick Stewart

About 30 minutes ago I came across some information that made me bitter and angry. I was just starting to talk myself down, knowing I'd fail and end up going to bed pissed off.Then I realized that I've got some unread Transmetropolitan left, and I knew instantly that I'd be okay. Angry as I might be, Spider is always angrier, and it's great catharsis cheering him on.Cory Doctorow of BoingBoing sings Transmet's praises well.Here, you can download issue #1 for free. Then go buy or borrow the rest. Your library system might actually have it—the one I have now is an interlibrary loan through the Multnomah County system via my upstairs neighbor Snap, did I mention that Transmet 5 ("Lonely City") has an introduction by Patrick Stewart? Yes, that Patrick Stewart. Here, revel:No shit.