The Democratic National Committee announced a new advisory board on cybersecurity on Thursday. The announcement comes on the heels of the recent DNC hack that resulted in the resignation of several high-ranking Democratic officials, including DNC Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D., Fla.).

Interim DNC Chairwoman Donna Brazile sent out a memo announcing the advisory board, according to Politico:

To prevent future attacks and ensure that the DNC’s cybersecurity capabilities are best-in-class, I am creating a Cybersecurity Advisory Board composed of distinguished experts in the field. The Advisory Board will work closely with me and the entire DNC to ensure that the party is prepared for the grave threats it faces—today and in the future.

Brazile, age 56, hand-selected the advisory board’s distinguished experts, who come from diverse backgrounds and have their own unique sets of skills.

Dr. Nick Riviera

Hi, everybody! Dr. Nick is an immigrant medical professional who received a degree from Hollywood Upstairs Medical College. He is also the inventor of fine products like Juice Loosener, as seen on TV. His enterprising personality and improvisational ability make him a natural fit to lead the advisory board's rapid response subcommittee.

Dr. Nick's medical expertise will also be used to treat the spate of stress-related chronic illnesses that have affected DNC employees in the wake of the hack.

He works on contingency.

Sophia Petrillo

You can't hack a cord phone! Sophia Petrillo brings decades of experience and a "back to basics" approach to the DNC. This golden girl will help shore up the fundamentals of DNC operations, contending that less technology equals less threat. She is an advocate of secure landlines and wall-mounted cord phones, and seeks to transition DNC employees onto AOL accounts, which are easier on the eyes and alert users to email scams selling generic pharmaceuticals.

Petrillo will also advise the DNC on political strategy. She is a proponent of shifting resources away from digital and toward direct mail marketing, but laments that the United States Postal Service does not deliver on Sunday.

ALF

ALF is proud to be the first extraterrestrial refugee hired at the DNC. Not only is ALF a tangible sign of the Democratic Party's commitment to inclusion, he brings knowledge of advanced technology from his nuclear-ravaged home world, Melmac.

ALF's expert political commentary and knowledge of amateur radio will help the Democratic Party compete with the right wing on the talk radio airwaves, an acknowledged shortcoming of progressive media since the closure of Air America.

David Wooderson

David Wooderson is a Millennial who brings a fresh perspective, outside-the-box thinking, and youth outreach skills to the cybersecurity board. He will lead DNC-wide policy seminars on "Sexual Harassment in Cyberspace" and "The Cannabis Trade in an Internet Age."