Until two minutes ago, the Mill thought borborygmi was some sort of Australian wildlife but now we learn it is the sound that says PSG are still hungry for Arsène Wenger. And get this for a cunning plan: the French club are also preparing a bid for Alexis Sánchez. There are even rumblings that they could start wooing the other Arsenal star who has yet to sign a new contract, Mesut Özil. You see what they’re doing, right? Get those two players and PSG fancy they’d be able to lure Wenger at last. Unlikely? Maybe. Made up? Possibly. A rum scenario? Indeed.

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While PSG plot to transplant the best bits of Arsenal (and Wenger, in case you don’t consider him to be among the best bits) to Paris, Jürgen Klopp wants to bring a bit of Borussia Dortmund to Anfield. The atmosphere, ideally, but the Premier League lost that years ago, so instead Klopp will make do with Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang. Liverpool are confident that the appeal of working for Klopp again will prove a bigger pull for the striker than anything Manchester City have to offer. Let’s see how that plays out.

Liverpool will raise money for that move by inviting Daniel Sturridge to go do his thing for someone else. West Ham seem the most likely but there are suggestions that the striker might like a move back to his native West Midlands. Assuming Sturridge is not prepared to drop down a league, there is only one option. Hands up who can see him in a Tony Pulis team? West Ham it is then. Liverpool are also believed to be willing to listen to offers for Simon Mignolet. Serious offers only, of course, so all those fans willing to carry him on their backs to deepest Borneo need not apply.

According to a man on the radio, Klopp wants to replace Mignolet with Joe Hart. Because he’s sick and tired of working with an error-prone keeper? The Mill’s advice is to wait till Leicester go down and then move for Kasper Schmeichel. Liverpool also want Atalanta’s midfield boss Franck Kessié but so do Everton, AC Milan, Manchester City and Manchester United. But word is Roma have beaten all of those to the Ivorian’s signature.

Internazionale are the latest club to prick their ears up at the news that Sergio Agüero could be available in the summer. PSG and Real Madrid are also interested, and Arsenal may go through the motions of preparing a bid. The Gunners are also said to be among the club’s chasing Atlético Madrid’s slinky Belgian forward Yannick Carrasco. Chelsea and Manchester United are on the prowl, too. Chelsea are also preparing to swallow their pride and invite Romelu Lukaku back, once Diego Costa hightails it to pastures with even bigger mountains of green.