Losing someone close to you is one of the hardest battles to overcome. It takes time, it takes strength and it takes love. One thing I have noticed is that little activities have helped me throughout the course of my own battle. These have been simple things such as keeping simple memories alive. I strive to make my brother proud. Here are a few examples of activities I have done and will continue to do.





1.) Talking Back to the Media

My brothers’ death was violent and therefore sensationalized. I used the skills I had learned throughout school to write to different Media outlets in New Hampshire telling them to back off. During any time of grieving families need respect. I look back at the newspaper article based on this, as a reminder of the strength, power, and courage I was able to use.





2.) Starting a Facebook Site

Edgar J Hoffens Memorial Page . It was started by one of his Best Friend's since I was busy helping with funeral arrangements. I help by being a co-founder in which I constantly post in order to keep his memory alive. These range from stories, pictures, quotes and videos we may have created in the past.





3.) Updating his Facebook

Instead of deleting it, I have decided to add his friends that may not have gotten a chance to. I am able to add them and give them the opportunity to post on his wall. It also grants the ability to look back at his previous posts. Gosh, he was such a silly person.





4.) Creating a Memorial Piece

On my bookshelf I have placed candles, pictures, and little items that have either previously been his, or remind me of him. I look at these items and am able to focus.





5.) Making Memorial Bracelets

I created them to say "R.I.P Edgar J Hoffens". I have been selling them to raise money to bury his ashes.





6.) Running a 5k

Recently I gathered a bunch of amazing friends who joined me in running a 5k. We ran in order to support an organization that deals with Domestic Violence. We were able to raise money and donate in Eddie's (Edgar’s) name. We ran as team "Eddie". Many of us sporting bibs honoring Eddie so he could be there with us. We each received medals representing reaching our goals: completing the 5k!





7.) Getting a Tattoo

The night I learned of his death I started dreaming of Lions. I felt so relaxed, I felt love, I felt unafraid. I was told everything was ok. I knew he was safe where ever he went on too. When I arrived in New Hampshire, I began to clean his room and box his items. I found drawings of Lions. At my aunts house Lion stickers were randomly found on me. When I flew back to California, I decided I would get a tattoo. This is when the Lion theme seemed appropriate. What better way to represent Eddie than a Lion. Courage, brave, beautiful. "He Lives in You".





8.) Blogging

It is because of him I continue to write. I love sharing his story. Perhaps more so because it makes me feel closer to him





9.) Drawing/Painting







I have started to get back into my art pieces. I draw things that remind me of him or how I feel about the situation that occurred.





10.) Doing Activities He Use To Do

I'll be honest I never really played pool. Nor did I really like fishing. But he loved to do those things. I have found that by doing those activities I feel like he is still with me. I can hear him making remarks about how the fish aren't biting, or how he is going to cook some crawfish. This makes me smile. I also acquired his favorite pool sticks, and hope to get into playing soon. One thing I also remember is, going on random car ride adventures. Where we were going? We didn’t know. We'd get lost, find ourselves an adventure, and get home eventually.





11.) Going to the Beach

Simply put, one of his favorite places to be was at the beach. Something was so peaceful there. Occasionally, I find myself walking the beach talking to him. Looking out to the ocean I wonder how he is. Telling him of my life, and how it will never be the same but at the same time how grateful I was that he was in my life.





12.) Lighting a Candle

Currently, every night I light a little tea candle. Occasionally, I'll light religious candles, even though I am not wicked religious; I am still spiritual. I feel that by performing this ritual every night I am remembering him.





13.) Talking About Him

Sometimes just talking about the silly, happy, sad, thoughtful, crazy ect. experiences that involved him can be satisfactory in it's own way. Talking about him versus ignoring that he existed in our lives has a more positive effect. I never say I HAD three brothers. I still continue and always say to say I HAVE 3 brothers. He will always be part of my life. Heartwarming to do so.





14.) Talking TO Him





I think this has been an especially important way of remembering him and honoring him. As it so happened, Eddie was my biggest support network. I'd call him whenever I was bored, sad, lonely, excited, or just at random. Losing that piece of my life has been difficult. I constantly find myself in situations where I reach for my phone and think "Omg!! I have to call Eddie!! Tell him what just happened...." I catch myself. I'm saddened. Then I just say it out loud: "Eddie.. I got an A in my law class dude..." And I just smile.





15.) Continuing to be Positive

My brother was such a silly, goofy, happy person. Being positive I believe goes hand in hand with those qualities. I will be honest...there are days I want to just give up hope. But if I do that then I will have lost. I want to finish my degree at UCLA, and continue. I want to keep moving forward for him and most importantly for me.







