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‘RHOC’s grown-ass women need to stop dressing like college freshmen

After watching Monday night’s episode of “The Real Housewives of Orange County” — in which Vicki Gunvalson, Tamra Judge and Shannon Beador travel to Mexico for a little female bonding — I want to stage an intervention with these Southern California blondes.

An inebriated and naked Tamra breaks her foot while trying to become the cannonball champion of Puerto Vallarta in a hot tub, Shannon drunkenly grabs her stomach while screaming something like, “Look at my fat stomach” and a glazed-over Vicki — who had maybe peed herself earlier — looks as if she was testing her tolerance for quaaludes.

It was like an AARP-sponsored female remake of “Animal House” that won’t even make it to video.

But it wasn’t their excessive alcohol consumption that was so worrisome. It was their beach accessories.





In an embarrassing scene, Vicki and Tamra sport matching boxy trucker hats emblazoned with the cheesy phrase “Adios Beaches.”

At one point, Vicki breaks out in hysterics. And it made me wonder if she was laughing because she had gotten a glimpse of her middle-aged self wearing the official hat of the college dropout whose biggest aspiration is to be a hostess at Pump.

An “Adios Beaches” topper is the type of gift you pick up at a mall kiosk for your vapid cousin’s birthday — because you don’t like him. It’s a second-generation Ed Hardy trucker hat.

Hell, I don’t even think Snooki would wear one.

Haven’t these women ever seen a sophisticated straw beach hat or even a sleek, plain baseball cap? I’d even forgive a stingy brimmed fedora in this case.





The O.C. men and women have long been the style pariahs of the “Real Housewives” franchise. The women dress to show off their breast implants rather than good taste. Back when the housewives had husbands, their uniforms were those horrific striped shirts with oversized cuffs that, when folded up, revealed a shiny paisley pattern. And before the women became Bible-quoting Christians, they seemed to worship bedazzled fleur-de-lis everything. So these hats are just another blip in their dubious fashion highlight reel.

In order to protect us all from a repeat of this tragedy, I’d like to propose a federal law requiring vendors to not sell these types of hats to anyone over the age of 24. This law would help many misguided non-Bravo celebrities and Bravo stars alike.





Because while I don’t mind seeing my housewives drunk and sad, I’d at least like them be well-dressed while doing it. (See: NY.)

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