SPOKANE, WA--NBA prospect Adam Morrison was named the college basketball Player of the Year last season after averaging 28 points per game for the Gonzaga Bulldogs and leading his team to the Sweet 16. Along the way, he acquired a reputation as one of the toughest, most tenacious players in the country, able score at will from anywhere on the floor. He is not expected to be the top pick in this year’s draft, however, as scouts are concerned that his whiteness will prevent him from becoming a truly great NBA player. “If I could change one thing about myself, it would be the color of my skin,” said Morrison, who is projected to go anywhere from the 3rd to the 7th pick. “White people just aren’t very good at basketball, and it takes a helluva lot more than 28 measly points a game to change that perception. It's different for black players. You know who I really envy? Tyrus Thomas. If I had that guy’s numbers I’d be headed straight to the NBDL where I would be used to shoot technical fouls and wave a towel on the bench.” Thomas, a freshman who was a relative unknown before last year’s NCAA tournament, is now expected to go to the Chicago Bulls with the second pick. Though he only averaged 12.3 points per game last year, scouts are extremely impressed with his “motor” and “passion for the game.” “Tyrus is a damn good player,” Morrison said. “He could even be an all-star someday. But I really don’t see why he’s going to be picked ahead of me. A great motor? Who’s got a better motor than me? Passion for the game? I totally freak out, like, once every game. That’s passion. Leaping ability? It’s overrated. I can jump high enough. I don’t need to be hitting my head on the backboard to be effective” While it’s impossible to predict what kind of pro Morrison will become, there’s no questioning his performance in college, where he was the best player on a team that finished 29-4 and currently has a 40-game home winning streak. That performance is still not enough for some NBA scouts to consider Morrison that top draft pick. “Adam is a very talented scorer who seems to be able to create his own shot pretty well,” said one NBA scout. “But in the pros he’ll probably be no better than a Keith Van Horn or a Christian Laettner. Plus he looked pretty bad in a couple of those tournament games last year and certainly didn’t play like the top draft pick. Of course the same could be said for LaMarcus Aldridge, but he’s different from Morrison in that he has tremendous upside.” Owners and GM’s around the league are impressed with Morrison’s game, but are skeptical that it will translate to an NBA level. Most of them insist that race is not a factor, though. “It’s not reverse racism or anything like that,” said Toronto GM Bryan Colangelo, who is expected to use his top pick on Aldridge or Italian star Andrea Bargnani. “The truth is, NBA scouts have no idea how to properly evaluate white players. They just don’t know what to make of them. Sure I was impressed with Morrison in college, but I don’t trust him in the NBA. That’s why I’m going with Bargnani, who is technically white, but he’s also European so it doesn’t really count.” What bothers Morrison most is when scouts claim that the 2006 draft is void of superstars and franchise players. Morrison considers himself both, and is bent on proving it when the season starts. “I’m so sick of hearing about how this draft doesn’t have many impact players and most GM’s wish they could just wait until next year to make their picks,” he said. “Hello? Is anybody paying attention? Adam Morrison here. I scored 28 points a game last year. I was unstoppable. Yet I’m still not the consensus choice. In fact, there may be a European guy picked before me, despite the fact that European players are soft and ineffective. Yea I know it's a stereotype, but that's a stereotype that I can live with.” Email Button Print screen button Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.







Copyright 2005, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.