Photograph by Chip Somodevilla / Getty

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Fearing that millions of foreign tourists might cancel their plans to travel to the United States, President Obama used his emergency powers to interrupt the broadcast of the second Presidential debate.

“Good evening, friends around the world,” Obama began, in a reassuring tone. “For the past hour, many of you have been observing something that can only be described as nightmarish. I want to state in no uncertain terms: if you come to the United States, you will never, ever meet another man this horrible.”

“I can understand that many of you might greet my words with skepticism,” he said. “Well, you just have to believe me on this: I have met many, many, Americans and this is the worst guy I have ever encountered.”

Admitting that he was returning foreign viewers to the debate broadcast “with some reluctance,” Obama concluded his remarks by saying, “Please stop watching this.”