Long and confusing title, I know, but I'm desperate for help and advice. I'm full of anger and stress at the same time but I don't know what to do. I'm hormonal and can't think clearly and am honestly furious and scared that our marriage is going to fall apart. The abuse happened two years ago which is why I'm posting here but the problem is happening now. We've been married since Valentine's Day 2014.

In 2015, my husband Manuel finished his Navy reserves enlistment. He has a very high paying career and about a week after being discharged, he went to his friend's party. Basically at the party, a woman named Emma started talking to him, drugged his drink, and took advantage of him. My husband found out the day after because a friend told him he found him unconscious and saw earlier Emma on top of him on the bed but didn't realize it was him until later. Manuel didn't report her because he didn't want to "ruin her life" and so the law never got involved. My husband told me what happened the day after the party and I had a mental breakdown and went to therapy because I was going to legitimately kill her. To make it worse, she got pregnant from the incident. I don't have violent thoughts anymore but at the time I was so angry that I wanted to kill her and it got worse once I found out she got pregnant from that. I felt so bad for Manuel and he was disappointed at how he was taken advantage of but it didn't seem to affect him that much. I don't know if it was because he didn't want to show emotion or if it really didn't affect him.

He helps her out willingly and pays for some of her expenses and their baby's expenses. She's a pharmacy technician but since rent in our state and city is pretty high, he helps her out. He went to her delivery and even though he's extremely busy with work and our time, she drops their baby off at our apartment a lot of times in the evening since I don't allow my husband to be alone with her at all or go to her apartment and so my husband can spend time with him. I have met her but we have spoken maybe 40 words total and we're extremely cold and distant. The only reason I'm even letting this happen is because it's not the baby's fault and I don't want Manuel to not see his baby.

On Saturday, Emma came to our apartment and wanted to talk to my husband. They sat down, she wanted me to leave the room to talk in private but I told her no right off the bat because I don't trust her. She legitimately told him that he needed to "step up" and "be a more active father" and "be there for our baby". She works full time and her parents help out with the babysitting .

She wants their baby to spend more time with both of them together instead of just her "dropping him off like a package" and not having the baby bond with both parents at the same time. She said that Manuel also needed to be available more often since she wants Manuel to be around the baby and she wants to drop the baby off more times a week (right now it's around 2-4 times per week...the baby sometimes spends the night but mostly she comes picks him up after a few hours). She needs money for a car since her car is breaking down and she "doesn't want any problems with dropping the baby off or endangering the baby". This sounds like a load of shit to me but I want opinions. She wants Manuel to make trips to her apartment and visit the baby because sometimes she can't make the trip. In my opinion, if worse comes to worse, I'll drive and pick up the baby but I'm starting to think she might want to take advantage of him again since she desperately wants him to go to her apartment to visit their baby.

She acts so shameless and her attitude was so bitchy. She was acting like Manuel was "slacking" or neglecting his duties like they were married or something. The part where she wanted me to leave the room made me extremely suspicious and I'm wondering if maybe she wants to tell him something else but didn't because I was there. I'm pregnant and when the baby comes and we have more, I obviously expect Manuel to prioritize his real children and not her or her baby.

She left after a while and honestly she comes off as flirty sometimes but I don't mind since they barely see each other and he'd never do anything with her. He's very nice to her but keeps his distance with her like I want him to.

I told him that absolutely not is he going to buy her a new car. He started telling me that he's going to pay for a safe and good car for her. She has money and she isn't poor. Manuel is saying that he doesn't want his baby to have a low quality car that isn't going to protect him or his mother from an accident. Second, I can't stomach that piece of shit woman for a minute. I do not want her and him together in our apartment and bonding with the baby regardless of if I'm there or not.

I will not accept him going alone to her apartment. I work and our schedules won't allow me to supervise them and when I quit after having the baby, I'll be busy with the baby. He says that he just won't eat or drink anything there and that he could spend more time with the baby, let the baby bond with both of them together, and save her the trip if he just went to her apartment and that he's "definitely not going to be an absent father for the baby now or when he grows up" and will try to balance our family and the baby. We were arguing about that for hours and it got very heated to the point where I almost hit him out of anger. Lastly, Manuel works a lot. Sometimes even 100 hours a week. Aside from work, I want marriage time with him and not for him to be preoccupied with her baby. Already, I'm extremely annoyed that a lot of our couple time is gone now that he spends time with him a lot. Our sex life is great and he works from home around 40 hours a week and spends the other 40 hours at work but our sex life is suffering. Date nights are rare and spending time together at our apartment alone is becoming rarer and rarer. I enjoy spending time with the baby but I don't like it at the same time since he's not mine and because of what happened.

I just want a normal marriage and family and I feel like he's putting me in the back of the bus in his life and putting his baby in the front. Already from a busy work life his time is limited and the baby is taking up so much time. I try being understanding and it's not the baby's or Manuel's fault and I know he loves him but I hate how this is going. I literally hate our marriage right now. That's how I feel. I hate her and I hate our marriage. There's little time for us anymore and now he's considering spending even more time with the baby and potentially her since she wants to be around more. I feel selfish saying that but I don't know what to do anymore. I'm at my whits end and my parents told me that they think I should I leave him if this keeps going on.

I don't know if I should set an ultimatum or what. She's dropping the baby off again tomorrow and there goes another night of him and me babysitting. We're having our first baby in seven months and if we separate I'm going to be a single mother and that worries me. He was telling me how his baby is important to him and that I am too but that "both the baby and you matter to me". I feel that I should matter more to him but he wouldn't say if I mattered more even when I asked him during the fighting. I'm stuck and need help on how to proceed. I'm thinking of setting a "one visit per week or I'm leaving you" ultimatum but don't know if it's fair and need opinions.

tl;dr I don't know what to do, what steps to take to fix the marriage, and how I should set up the marriage and what boundaries to set. My husband is siding with her but says it's only because of the baby and I'm furious with what's going on and am thinking of divorce or setting serious boundaries.

Edit: clarifications and grammar