In early July, Betsy Davis emailed her closest friends and relatives to invite them to a two-day gathering, telling them: “These circumstances are unlike any party you have attended before, requiring emotional stamina, centeredness and openness.”



And just one rule: no crying in front of her.

The 41-year-old terminally ill artist with ALS, or Lou Gehrig’s disease, held the gathering to say goodbye before becoming one of the first Californians to take a lethal dose of drugs under the state’s new doctor-assisted dying law for the terminally ill.

“For me and everyone who was invited, it was very challenging to consider, but there was no question that we would be there for her,” said Niels Alpert, a cinematographer from New York City.

Davis worked out a detailed schedule for the gathering on the weekend of 23-24 July, including the precise hour she planned to slip into a coma, and shared her plans with her guests in the invitation.

More than 30 people came to the party at a home in the southern California mountain town of Ojai, flying in from New York, Chicago and across California.

At the end of the weekend, her friends kissed her goodbye, gathered for a photo and left. Davis was wheeled out to a bed on a hillside, where she took a combination of drugs prescribed by her doctor.

Davis ended her life a little more than a month after a California law giving the option to the terminally ill went into effect. Four other states allow doctor-assisted dying, with Oregon the first in 1997.

Opponents of the law in lobbying against it before state legislators argued that hastening death was morally wrong, that it puts terminally ill patients at risk for coerced death by loved ones and could become a way out for people who are uninsured or fearful of high medical bills.

Betsy Davis referred to the event as a ‘rebirth’. Photograph: Niels Alpert/AP

Marilyn Golden of the Disability Rights Education & Defense Fund said her heart goes out to anyone dealing with a terminal illness, but “there are still millions of people in California threatened by the danger of this law”.

“Obviously it was hard for me. It’s still hard for me,” said Kelly Davis, Betsy’s sister who wrote about it for the online news outlet Voice of San Diego. “The worst was needing to leave the room every now and then, because I would get choked up. But people got it. They understood how much she was suffering and that she was fine with her decision.”

Davis spent months planning her exit, feeling empowered after spending the past three years losing control of her body bit by bit. The painter and performance artist could no longer stand, brush her teeth or scratch an itch. Her caretakers had to translate her slurred speech for others.

“Dear rebirth participants you’re all very brave for sending me off on my journey,” she wrote in her invitation. “There are no rules. Wear what you want, speak your mind, dance, hop, chant, sing, pray, but do not cry in front of me. OK, one rule.”

During the party, old friends reconnected and Davis rolled in and out of the rooms in her electric wheelchair. Photograph: Niels Alpert/AP

During the party, old friends reconnected and Davis rolled in and out of the rooms in her electric wheelchair, talking with her guests.

There was music, cocktails, pizza from her favorite local joint, and a screening in her room of one of her favorite movies, The Dance of Reality, based on the life of a Chilean film director.

She took the drugs at 6.45pm with her caretaker, her doctor, her massage therapist and her sister by her side. Four hours later, she died.

“What Betsy did gave her the most beautiful death that any person could ever wish for,” Alpert said. “By taking charge, she turned her departure into a work of art.”

In the US, the advocacy group Compassion & Choices provides information and consultations on end of life care. In the UK, where assisted dying is illegal, Compassion in Dying is a national charity that provides information on end of life rights and choices. In Australia, where assisted dying is also illegal, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.