ST. CLOUD, MN—Fearing that in his current state he was too fragile to withstand the harsh criticism they wished to level at him, friends and family of area man Todd Freely told reporters Monday that they were waiting for Freely’s most recent bout of depression to subside before they really laid into him. “He’s way too low to hear this now, but once he’s feeling better, I’m really gonna put the screws to him about getting some regular exercise and making an effort to socialize more,” Freely’s best friend Richard Felton said, adding that he planned on “reading him the fucking riot act” about looking for work the minute Freely’s depressive state began to improve. “The moment his symptoms ease up, I’m hitting him with both barrels about getting his debt under control and a whole bunch of other shit.” Others close to Freely, however, told reporters that they couldn’t wait one more minute to let him have it over his personal hygiene.

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