Williamson County Sheriff’s Office

I don’t live in Texas, but I think I’m fine with this ruling. As long as they don’t steal anything, and they’re good at it. I don’t want scads of ladies who think they need to sharpen their blowjob skills flocking to my house and picking my lock (again and again until my key won’t even work) and shittily sucking my dick.

That’s not what this law’s about.

Ohhhkay. Fun’s over. Texas didn’t technically say it was legal for a woman to break into your house and suck your dick. But state prosecutors in Williamson County, just outside of Austin, did dismiss charges on a woman who did just that, and the legal community relies heavily on precedent. So actually, they kinda did!

The dismissal came after a grand jury no billed a case again Megan Hoelting, who was arrested after she broke into her husband’s friend house and started sucking his dick while he was sleeping. From The Smoking Gun:

The man told sheriff’s deputies that he “awoke to the feeling of an unknown party on top of him,” adding that he “felt the offender place his penis in her mouth.”

The man, identified as MDM, flashed his cell phone flashlight and realized it was his friend’s wife. Sucking his dick while he was sleeping. So he asked her to leave. She didn’t, so he called the cops.

She was charged with breaking and entering and sexual assault, but now she’s a free woman, and I can only imagine an icon some depraved social circle.

[H/T Death and Taxes]