You’ve cooked scrambled eggs before right? Of course you have, you’re a slow carb aficionado, eggs are a staple!

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you did them wrong :(. I know, I know, it’s devastating to hear, but it’s the truth. Fret not though, I shall impart on you the wisdom of 3 Minute Perfect Scrambled Eggs. Sit back and I shall gift you with the only scrambled egg recipe worth knowing.

Oh dear god, this article is self indulgent… no matter, I shall plow onwards! It’s certainly not likely to get better at this point.

Ingredients

3 Medium Free Range Eggs

1 Tbsp Ghee

2 finger pinch salt

Plenty ground pepper

anything else – ham, chopped onion

Method

Put a small non-stick frying pan (Ikea sell some that are an ideal size) on your largest gas ring, and crank that shit up to 11. The idea is to get the pan SCREAMING hot.

Crack your eggs into a bowl and whisk. Have your ghee, salt and pepper ready, shit’s gonna move quickly now.

Add the salt to the bowl, do not stir/mix in, add the ghee to the pan and immediately add your eggs. The pan is going to try to go ape shit, that’s ok. Quickly add pepper to taste and gently scramble/mix your eggs with a spatula.

If you had ham/veggies to add, add them with the ghee for about 10 seconds before adding the eggs.

It should only take, 10-15 seconds for them to solidify, remove from the heat when they are just barely cooked, they should have a little moisture to them (they’ll carry on cooking even off the heat).

Transfer to a plate and insert into face. If you’re in a hurry, use a large plate and spread the eggs out, they’ll help them cool quickly enough to shovel into your gob.

Wondering why you must not stir/mix the salt in with the eggs? Egg whites break down when salted. You want the salt to enhance the flavour, but not turn your eggs into a textureless mess. See for yourself if you like, it’s horrible.