Josh Newell decided it would be chill to jump over a four-foot fence at Ohio’s Columbus Zoo and pet two cougars. That is dumb because he easily could have died, and, honestly, should have. It is dumber because he decided to film himself doing it and obviously got caught.


“I don’t know, I said, ‘Here, kitty,’ as a joke,” he said of his sophisticated motivation. “You know the cat’s not going to come and here comes the cat... So I figured if the cat’s going to go out of his way to get some loving, I’m going to go ahead and jump the barrier to show him some love.”

What the hell does that even mean?

The Associated Press reports:

Newell of suburban Gahanna pleaded no contest Wednesday to a misdemeanor criminal trespassing charge and was found guilty. He was sentenced to four days in jail, with two of those suspended, and fined $200 plus other costs in Delaware Municipal Court, north of Columbus. He left court wearing a T-shirt printed with the words “Cougar Love,” WBNS-TV reported.


He ultimately feels no remorse because the fences were so low and easy to hop that he figures the zoo wanted him to hop them. That’s a super legit logic with no potential for negative consequences.