Displacement much, Australia? As a qualified psychologist… OK, I never actually got my formal qualifications. All right, yes, that was because I couldn’t do the subjects with all the sums in them. Fine, I’m not really a psychologist but I did manage to pass PY 101 at uni, and I smoked a lot of dope that year, so I must have done some work at some point.

And as a guy who once turned up to some Introduction to Psychology lectures I recognise a guilty hivemind in a fit of collective self-loathing when I see one.

How did these idiots get their jobs in the first place? Credit:Chris Barrett, AAP

And Straya, you’ve got some ‘splaining to do.

Not about ball tampering in a game of cricket. Excuse me while I roll my eyes. Sneaky Steve Smith and Dave ‘Punchy’ Warner can front up to the principal’s office and make their excuses for that one. The biggest question isn’t why they decided to trash their reputations. That’s easy. They wanted to win. The more pressing question is how a pair of such massive idiots got their jobs in the first place. Did they honestly not imagine they’d get caught? Did they forget they’re playing in the middle of a digital panopticon where literally every breath they take can be recorded?