Donald Trump has been promising exculpatory evidence and retaliatory lawsuits since the Times reported the stories of two women who say he was sexually inappropriate with them in the past. The lawsuits still haven't come, but the Trump campaign has found a man who has refuted Jessica Leeds's account of Trump groping her on an airplane: Anthony Gilberthorpe.

Gilberthorpe is perhaps best known for claiming to have pimped underage boys to members of the British government in the 1980s. There are 23 days until Election Day.

According to Gilberthorpe, who told the Post he was in first class with Trump and Leeds during the flight, Trump didn't touch Leeds. Gilberthorpe claims Leeds confided to him that she wanted to marry Donald Trump, which she allegedly told him when Trump got up to go to the bathroom after she had spent the flight being shrilly flirtatious. What? That's a thing, I guess.

As far as any kind of corroborating evidence that he saw all of this, Gilberthorpe offered up his "excellent memory," which allowed him to recall the events he claims to have witnessed but not the year they took place—he said the flight happened either in 1980 or in 1981. Gilberthorpe's claims also could contradict a Trump claim that he hadn't met his accusers.

Trump's exculpatory witness:

- Pimped out underage boys

- Has no hard evidence

- Puts Trump on plane with woman Trump said he never met — Matt McDermott (@mattmfm) October 14, 2016

While a relatively unknown in America, Gilberthorpe is known across the pond for allegedly procuring underage boys for British politicians, along with a host of other weird and unseemly activities:

Trump's star witness Anthony Gilberthorpe was also accused by a Tory MP of setting him up for a tabloid sting https://t.co/WjlZhp5ZLe pic.twitter.com/pFK8nskt1D — Stuart Millar (@stuartmillar159) October 14, 2016

Trump witness Gilberthorpe sued papers in 80s for saying he had AIDS. Reporter said Gilberthorpe gave him the story https://t.co/8LTVrHx5EA pic.twitter.com/2wUbdGRGYz — Jon Swaine (@jonswaine) October 14, 2016

Trump's airplane witness once got the press to cover his imaginary engagement to a made-up fiancée. pic.twitter.com/kQF5zY3RUu — Angus Johnston (@studentactivism) October 14, 2016

Gilberthorpe's story also contradict the Trump campaign's first rebuttal of the allegations. When the story first broke, campaign spokeswoman Katrina Pierson went on CNN and revealed her sudden aviation expertise, suggesting the groping could not have taken place because the type of plane that it allegedly took place on wasn't flying into New York in the early 80s (a claim that was itself refuted shortly after it was made):

THE AVIATION DEFENSE BY KATRINA PIERSON!!! pic.twitter.com/iKXEBY2dTW — sam esfandiari (@samesfandiari) October 13, 2016

Meanwhile, in a speech today, Trump suggested a different reason to not believe Jessica Leeds: that she let the alleged groping go on for too long.

Regarding the woman who says Trump groped her on a plane, Trump insists it's not believable bc no one would let that last 15 minutes — Sara Murray (@SaraMurray) October 15, 2016

Which adds up to three wildly different explanations and/or denials for one incident in the span of three days. While Trump was giving a speech in which he suggested he and Hillary Clinton should submit to drug testing before the next debate, another woman came forward to accuse Trump of trying to force himself on her.

Cathy Heller told The Guardian today that when she introduced herself to Trump at a Mother's Day brunch in 1997 at the Mar-a-Lago resort, Trump grabbed her outstretched hand and tried to kiss her on the lips. Even after Heller turned her face away, she said Trump left his lips on her cheek for an uncomfortably long time.

In non-sexual-assault Trump news, his Ohio campaign chairman announced the campaign has "disassociated itself" from the state's G.O.P. chairman just weeks before the election, citing the party chair's disloyalty. Said disloyalty surely stems from the rigged elections claims Trump has been making, which have now spread from his tiny puckered lips to the mouth of a sitting U.S. Senator:

Jeff Sessions: “They are attempting to rig this election" — Holly Bailey (@hollybdc) October 15, 2016

Maybe this campaign will never actually end because we're all dead and in Hell.