Ladies…Grab your shovels!

It’s time to bring back gold-digging!

Like mom said countless times, “Love don’t make no turds!” It was unromantic, and it was coarse, but it was true. Love don’t make no turds; nor does it pay bills, nor create wealth. Love, alone, also won’t keep a marriage together. Yet, many of us refuse to acknowledge that love should take a backseat when searching for a potential mate.

Bring back the transactional value that created and sustained most of the marriages that existed prior to the 18th century. But why did we lose it, where did it go, and why is it the only viable option for black women in 2019 and beyond?

What Is Gold-Digging?

In my research, the answer to that question depends on who you ask. In general, it is a woman (or man) who seeks out romantic engagement for the sole purpose of financial gain. But black women can also be considered gold-digging by only dating men who have successful means of employment. And especially in the black community, it can be considered gold-digging to expect even the smallest amount of financial assistance or even a meal from a decent restaurant.

For the purposes of this article, we will use gold-digging as the term to describe finding a mate with the means to secure generational wealth for any future generations the two may create.

To be clear, that may not mean millions in the bank. It may mean 100 acres of farmland, a passing grade from the BAR exam, a recent ownership or procurement of a franchise store, or even a solid business plan. Whatever the means, it must be capable of providing a better future for your legacy than you can now. Even if you’ve already secured the bag yourself.

Why Was Gold-Digging a Thing?

Marriage didn’t start out about love. Marriage was about alliances and consolidating assets and power. It was a lifetime contract used to amass wealth. It wasn’t all that long ago when a man couldn’t marry a woman without providing physical proof that she would be taken care of financially, whether it was in the form of a home, land, cattle, or currency. Neither would a man, with these assets, consider marrying a woman who didn’t come with a dowry.

Yes, gold-digging, was prized during a time in history when women had very little in the way of power. Often, the only assets a woman had were inherited, given by her parents at marriage, or gained through her marriage. And though we may have the right to vote and some power in politics, we still have a ways to go.

What Changed?

We could talk about post French revolutionary idealism and the influx of poverty that drove women into the work force that led to the destabilization of gold digging. The idea that love was a factor only became widespread after that. The concept of marrying into wealth never left, but over time became demonized and a cause for shame and suspicion.

Specifically, in the black community, where black people on average have only half the earning power and only 5% of the wealth. These numbers are abysmal but speak to the black condition in America. Without gold-digging, the next generation doesn’t have much of a chance of doing better either.

Gold-Digging and Women’s Rights?

Of course, there will be those who argue that if gold digging makes a triumphant return, women’s rights will be set back. Consider this, why can’t we have both? I’m not advocating that you marry and divorce, or marry and arrange for an untimely death. I’m saying, if you value your worth, as a woman, as a wife, as a mother, then prove it. Accepting the bare minimum needs to become a thing of the past.

There is no need to settle for the bare minimum. Imagine the call for black men to better their own circumstances if they know that their entire procreational future relied on it. If you know better, you will do better.

But Why Black Women?

Fast forward to 2019. Black women are the least married, having most of their children out of wedlock. Many of them refusing to seek child support, despite needing it the most. Having been shamed for generations for “allowing the white man to get in their business”, child support court has continued to be a demonized resource for black women.

The USDA released a report that says that raising a child from infancy to 17 years of age is over $230,000. You can read more here. That’s a little over $1100 a month. Most of the noncustodial parents who pay child support, complain about paying considerably less. That $230,000 doesn’t include private schools, college tuition, or tutors. It only includes the amount needed to raise a child well enough to continue in the cycle of lower to middle class struggles.

The point is, it’s time to stop procreating with men who don’t have the wealth to care for the children they help create. We can negate all of that by following proper reproductive planning. So why black women? Because we need it. Black children make up the majority of foster children. Black children make up the least educated. Black children are the ones being short-changed. And it is our responsibility to create a future for these children.

We claim that we want to rebuild black wealth but how can we expect those results if we aren’t ready to set aside momentary lust or infatuation for wealth? How can we raise our daughters and sons to continue in a wealth building legacy if we don’t bring back higher standards?

How Do We Get It Back?

It starts with us. We are the gatekeepers, the creators. We alone have the power and according to the millions of men who father the children in single parent homes and foster care, the responsibility. That means making the hard choice, setting the standard, and sticking to it. There are of course, things you may need to do prior to seeking such a mate

Obviously, personal hygiene, body image, and affecting the right attitude will play a part. But the rewards will far outweigh the price you pay for the security that comes with it. The role of personal growth can only increase your odds of finding the proper mate. Yes, it’s possible to find a husband in your city, but unless you live in a community of millionaires and billionaires, it’s unlikely you will find what you need there. If you seek a doctor, perhaps you need to be in the medical profession yourself. If you seek a lawyer, the legal profession, etc. If you need more precise info, check out the book The Art of Gold Digging.

Many of us have grown up, raised by mothers and fathers who told us that we deserved the best, but whose poor planning or unfortunate circumstances prevented them from giving it to us. We know life is short and incredibly brutal. Happiness and purpose is most often determined by class and income. Perhaps it’s time to try something new…or rather, something old.

So tell me, do you have a financial standard for your potential mate? Make a plan.