UCF chemistry Department Suggests New Plague to Curb Parking Shortages

“Everyone knows it’s an issue but everybody is too scared to do anything about it,” Doctor Yuglive, a Ph.D. Biochemist at UCF stated. “If we want more parking, we need fewer cars and if we want fewer cars, UCF knows what we must do.”

In a recent discovery at a lab working to create super-intelligent squirrels, the UCF chemistry department has reportedly developed what is now being referred to as the “black and gold plague.”

Though the disease was created accidently by Doctor Yugelive, he believes that it can be used to prevent many more accidents from occurring.

UCF has not responded on whether or not they will take Yugelive up on his offer, however, the University has approved of 7 more grants for Doctor Yugelive and his team.

To pay for the grants UCF has been handing out more tickets. On an unrelated note, tickets seem to be appearing on student cars with pentagrams that are backed into a parking space. This all comes right before the introduction of a new upgraded parking pass decal called parking pass spare.

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