I don’t believe that any other two words in the English language could be more open to interpretation and misunderstanding than masculine and feminine. Most people think masculine means male and feminine female, with this true to some degree however it goes a lot deeper than this in the world of Tantra.

When I initially came to know these words, I thought that masculine had to do with only men and feminine only women. To me there was no crossing over, there was only one or the other depending on what gender you were. Since entering the world of Tantra and conscious sexuality, I have learnt that every individual is made up of the qualities of both masculine and feminine, with both prevalent to certain degrees at particular times throughout one’s life.

In Tantra, masculine and feminine are known as the two polarities that make up the whole. Think of yin and yang, positive and negative magnetic poles or light and dark, they exist together however each represents different qualities of an individual. When we have an understanding of these qualities within ourselves, we can strive to being a whole and complete person in this world, rather than seeking outside ourselves for something that can be found within.

You see, many people who are not aware that they have everything they need within can spend their whole lives looking for others to fill them up. Some call this co-dependence, others may refer to it as love addiction. Either way, these people have not awoken to the reality that they are all they’ll ever need. Many people may go through their whole lives living in this pattern, never entering into their full power as a human being.

The Analogy Of The Pole And The Pole Dancer

One of my favourite analogies describing masculine and feminine involves the pole and the pole dancer. The pole represents the masculine and the dancer represents the feminine. In order for the dancer to feel safe and supported, the pole must be solid, firmly in place and supportive of the weight and movement of the pole dancer. This is necessary in order for her to flourish and express herself in her dance. If the pole is unstable or shaky, the dancer will feel she cannot let go and dance to her full potential.

What Is The Mature Masculine?

The mature masculine found within each individual is the point of safety and solidity that is required to go through life feeling supported. Those who have developed their masculine are great at holding space for themselves and others in times of need (e.g. during emotional crisis or turbulent times) and are present to the here and now, with no expectations or pressure on themselves or others to be anything other than what they are. The mature masculine feels like the solid rock and is necessary to have ourselves so that we don’t excessively project our needs onto our fathers, partners or other men in our life.

Many women are not familiar with the fact that they have all the masculine qualities within to make them feel safe and supported. Some women (myself included once upon a time) have what I like to refer to as the “knight in shining armour complex.” They go around looking for a man who is going to be their saviour and make everything better. Little do they know that they can be all of that for themselves and then can enter into a relationship with a man from a whole and complete place.

What Is The Mature Feminine?

The qualities of the mature feminine include intuition, playfulness, emotionally expressive, vulnerable, grounded, love and compassion. When men and women are in their feminine, they are expressive with their creativity so often the most exquisite art comes from people who allow their feminine within to be free. Like I explained with the pole/pole dancer analogy, the feminine expresses herself the greatest when the masculine is supporting her. Men most definitely have an inner feminine and sadly are often shamed for their emotions from an early age therefore suppress this part of themselves. This can lead to a whole range of issues including stagnation with creativity, blocked emotions leading to physical and psychological issues and seeking a woman outside of themselves for what they truly yearn from within.

The Masculine And Feminine Dynamics In A Relationship

In a relationship between two people, the qualities of the masculine and feminine naturally fluctuate between the two. Sometimes the man, who may be predominantly in his masculine within the relationship, goes through an emotionally turbulent time, meaning that he is living in his feminine. This may mean that the woman who is predominantly in her feminine enters into her masculine in order to hold space and support her partner. It is great for women to experience what it is like to be the more masculine partner and vice versa.

In August, I will be assisting the International School of Temple Arts Level 1 training in Sydney, Australia where the qualities of masculine and feminine will be explored in greater depth. This is a life changing opportunity to really step into your power and become the whole and complete person you always have been but may have forgotten.

*Throughout this article, I speak from a heteronormative and cisgender perspective, this being for simplicity with wording. Each person no matter what gender or what sexual identity they identify with have an inner masculine and feminine within.

Author: Stephanie Curtis, Sexologist

Meet the newest member to our team of experts. Stephanie Curtis is a sexologist with a huge capacity to care. Involved in spirituality and tantra her articles are professional, articulate and interesting. Enjoy Steph’s writings at the adultsmart sexual wellness and health blog. www.stephanie-curtis.com

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