Ladies and gentlemen, today I bring you the disaster that is this fanfiction. Well, every piece of fan fiction that I review is usually a fucking disaster but this one, well this one is horrible as well but for a different reason. Some fanfictions are bad because we don't know what the fuck is going on, mainly because the writer has jack shit worth of a talent. Others are bad because they feature some stupid fucking ass-backwards alicorn story that makes me want to kick the author with a chain sword. And then there's the fan fictions that are more illogical than the WBC, dumber than a bag of hammers and generally read like someone stuck a tank shell up your rectum. Let's see where this one fits, shall we?

Hello bronies. Although I am not a brony, I have decided to make a MLP: FIM fanfiction. In this story Twilight Sparkle is murdered, one question remains though, who killed her.

Wait, wait, wait. Hold the phone Smithy. So you're not a brony? As in, you don't watch the show? What the fuck? One of the given parameters of fanfiction is that the author is FAMILIAR WITH THE SUBJECT MATTER. If you don't watch the show then you don't understand the intricacies of the characters and the depth of their personalities. I mean, I'm not gonna start writing The Blair Witch Project fan fiction if I haven't seen it. That's kind of a given, right? Oh fuck, the author of this one is either a retard or just downright fucking oblivious to the very basic mechanics of literature. Either way, we're in for one hell of a ride...

It was a normal night in Ponyville , everything was peace and quiet.

"Everything was peace and quiet". Wow, this is a new record. The very first fucking sentence and I already want to murder the motherfucker who wrote this. Why? THE VERY FIRST FUCKING SENTENCE. You're not even far into it, you're working your way into it slowly and then you FUCK UP THE VERY FIRST FUCKING SENTENCE. I swear, I could just call it quits right now, but I love you dear reader and that's why I'm willing to subject myself to this

Everpony, and dragon, slept with calm, knowing Ponyville was the safest and happiest place they have ever known. Well, that's what they all thought.

REPRESS...URGE...TO...BEAT...RETARD...WITH...A....COPY...OF...THE...PRESCHOOLER'S...GUIDE...TO...BASIC...SPELLING

It was Friday the 13th, but nopony cared, fore they knew nothing about this date and its reference to a horror film

Fore? YOU'RE NOT REWRITING WAR AND PEACE HERE YOU DUMB COCK-JUGGLER, DON'T TRY TO CORRECTLY USE SHIT THAT'S MILES ABOVE YOUR CURRENT MENTAL LEVEL

Twilight Sparkle, student of Princess Celestia, sent to learn, was sleeping peacefully in her bed. Little did she know it would be her last night alive. Slowly the door to her house opened. She didn't notice though for she was lost in her dreams. In crept a figure, wearing black clothes and a ski mask like a burglar, although he was not to steal. He walked over to her bedside.

What, Spike is dead? He didn't bother? What the fuck? Is he drunk? I mean, Spike also works as some form of guardian for Twilight. Wait, the retard writing this can't know that SINCE HE ISN'T A BRONY. WHY WOULD YOU WRITE MLP FAAAAAAARRRGGHHHH THE MORE I THINK ABOUT IT, THE MORE MY BRAIN HURTS

"You contaminated the sanity of my people, for that you must DIE!" Said the figure in a whisper.

What

I-

I don't-

Whaaaa-

He then takes out a dagger and then lifts it up.

"Then" repeated twice, coupled with mixing up tenses. GOOD JOB, TIMMY

The view goes to the outside of the house to see the window with the lights on like in a murder scene.

Oh, I get it, little Timmy here is playing "pretends"! At one point he's a writer, at the other he's a movie director! PLEASE, SOMEONE CONFISCATE HIS KEYBOARD.

The shadow of the dagger and the figure, then swoops down and blood splatters all over the window.

I'm lost in space-time and my brain is pouring out of my ears. Is this normal at this point?

The figure then runs out of the house. Now nowhere to be found, the only thing left of his presence was a decapitated Twilight Sparkle lying in her bed, dead.

I do believe that my commentary is no longer necessary, since the only thing I need to do is point at the above paragraph.

So that's the prologue. I am only good at making real chapters long, but until the first chapter is released comment and tell your friends about this story, this is GhostMan, signing off.

PLEASE, TAKE A .44 MAGNUM AND SIGN OFF PERMANENTLY FOR THE SAKE OF ALL OF US

Excuse me for one moment, I need to get as much alcohol as possible in order to get trough this trainwreck. If you're ready, bad fan fiction has officially ruined you. Why? Anyone sane would stop reading by this point. Then again, I doubt that there's anyone sane left after the "prologue".

Just one more thing, the first thing "he" (The detective?) does is interrogate Rainbow Dash. Rainbow FUCKING Dash. The element of LOYALTY. THE ONLY WAY YOU COULD FUCK UP WORSE IS IF YOU STARTED WITH APPLEJACK. WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT, THIS IDIOT HAS NO IDEA WHAT HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE WRITING ABOUT. ALSO, I AM SORRY THAT HAD TO WASTE EVEN A SINGLE SYNAPSE THINKING ABOUT THAT.

*deep breath*

OH SHIT, THERE'S A DISCLAIMER

Hello fellow bronies. It's me, the GhostMan, her to bring you another chapter of My Little Pony: Death is Tragic. Just to remind you guys again,this story was originally posted on fanfiction.net (My pen name is I Like Writing17)!

WHAT?! YOU ADVERTISE YOURSELF?! LIKE ANYONE, AND I DO MEAN ANYONE WOULD EVEN BOTHER TO LOOK YOU UP AFTER THAT LAST CHAPTER. EVER. STOP. HAVING. ILLUSIONS. OF. GRANDEUR. YOU. FUCKING. IDIOT.

so if you guys would like to check it out, I would really appreciate it if you guys would leave a review and comment here

...comment and review...

YES

OH YES

FUCKING HELLS YES

If I ever have to defend myself in court for the murder of the fucker who wrote this, I'm just gonna point at the "comment and review" coupled with Jack nodding.

I'm hosting the 1st My little pony awards on fanfiction.net so i would also like if you would go and leave a review that has the nominations or you can comment or PM me here as well (I will have the links for both in my profile page).

YOU ARE WHAT?! WHAAAAAAAT?! THE ONLY WAY I'M EVER GOING TO PM YOU ANYWHERE IS WHEN I FIGURE OUT HOW TO SEND MAIL-BASED ANTHRAX BOMBS TROUGH THE INTERNET.

So here it is, Chapter 2.

YEAH, FUCK YOU TOO BUDDY

Chapter 2: Interrogation: Rainbow Dash

BILLY, YOUR BRAIN HAS BECOME DISLODGED AGAIN, YOU'RE REPEATING YOURSELF.

I WOULD ASK "WHEN DOES IT END?" BUT IT HASN'T EVEN STARTED YET

It was the morning of Friday the 14th, and Rainbow Dash awakens to the sound of sirens and mashed voices. She walks over to the windows of her house in the sky to see police cars, police tape, and press around Twilight's house

"What the, OH MY GOD SOMETHING HAPPENED TO TWILIGHT!" Yells Rainbow Dash with a face that reads "What the Fuck!".

The atmosphere of this is "dumb sorority girl number one finds out dumb sorority girl number two has been murdered. Dumb sorority girl number one checks her facebook.". Also, I swear I read that OH MY GOD as OHEMGHEE.

She runs outside into the crowd yelling "MOVE IT!" and makes it to the front.

SHE CAN FLY AAAARRGGGHHHHH

"What happened?" She asks the officer.

"The resident of this house, Twilight Sparkle, has been murdered" Answers the officer with a sigh at the end of his sentence.

"No." Says Rainbow Dash lightly to herself.

"Oh no" She exclaims, yawning lazily. Then she proceeds to check her Facebook

She starts running out of the crowd, crying, to bump in to the rest of the Mane 6, or should I say Mane 5.

Mane 5

"Did you hear what happened to Twilight?" Yells Rainbow in Panic and Disbelief.

That is the sanest display of panic and disbelief I've ever seen

"Yes, we just heard the news from Shining Armor, but he didn't want to leave his home to come look at the murder scene." Said Fluttershy in her soft voice with tears in her eyes, in fact, all of them had tears in their eyes.

Tears in their eyes and phones in their hooves. Why? Obviously, none of them give even half a shit about Twilight.

"Poor Twilight. Oh, and Rainbow, the officers want to see you." Says Rarity.

"Oh look, Jason Faggotson commented on my photo! OHEMGHEE!"

"What for?" Asks Rainbow in a confused voice.

"We don't know sugarcube, all they said was something about questions." Answers Applejack.

Applejack texted Rarity saying "OHEMGHEE :3 </3 GHURLFRIEND RAINBOW SLUT IS SO FHAAAAT!"

"OK, I'm on my way." Replies Rainbow.

At the PoPo office…

Rainbow Dash walks over to the counter and asks for her appointment.

THAT'S NOT HOW THE POLICE FORCE WORKS. THIS IS NOT A SPA, IT'S A GOVERNMENT AGENCY.

"Oh, yes Ms. Dash right this way." Says the man at the counter and leads Rainbow to a room with nothing but a light bulb, a chair, and a table; an interrogation room.

Rainbow sits down at the table for about 5 minutes before an officer comes into the room with a clipboard. Accompanying him is an artist.

Wait, lemme guess, you have no idea how police photo robots work. Why an artist? RD didn't see shit, as a matter of fact, she was completely oblivious to the fact that Twilight died until earlier this morning.

"Hello Ms. Dash, my name is Officer Collins." Says Officer Collins walking into the room while flipping a page on his clipboard.

"Hello officer, you wanted to see me?" Asked Rainbow.

"Yes Ms. Dash, please have a seat." Answered Officer Collins

"Ms. Dash, did you ever happen to know a unicorn by the name of Twilight Sparkle?" Asked Officer Collins.

No, EVEN THOUGH WE'RE THE ELEMENTS OF FUCKING HARMONY I'VE NEVER SEEN HER OR TALKED TO HER EVER. Whoever is writing this is a complete and utter fucking failure.

Yes, in fact, she was my friend." Answered Rainbow.

"Ms. Dash, I need you to tell me, were you with Twilight last night and if not, when was the last time you saw or been with her, okay? Asks Officer Collins

"No, I wasn't with Twilight last night, but the last time I did see her was about 2 days ago, but she was buying some groceries, that's all I remember." Answered Rainbow Dash

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'VE ONLY MET HER A WEEK AGO! NAH MAN, COMPLETE AND UTTER FUCKING STRANGER. IT'S NOT LIKE WE SEE EACH OTHER EVERY DAY.

"Thank you for the information, did you see anybody at Twilight's home or around it last night?" Asked Officer Collins.

WHO TALK LIKE THIS!?! Then again, the only conversations this author leads are with himself and the lamp in his room.

"I did see somebody about 25 feet away from Twilight's house at around 11:52" Answered Rainbow Dash.

"Thankfully though, I had my laser distance meter, atomic clock and PDA with me so I remember everything. You don't need the humidity or the wind speed or anything?"

"Can you describe the person you saw last night?" Asks Officer Collins

"Hmm, let's see here. He was about 172.11121344243 CM tall, his blood type was O-, he was a subspecies of the Arctic Wolf, his fur was about 12.762 cm long and he carried a Zepter knife. What? The victim? Nah, never seen 'em before"

"Are you getting the details Jacobson?" Asks Officer Collins to the artist.

"Yes Officer Collins, I'm done with the drawing, Ms. Dash, does this look like the man you saw last night? Replies Jacobson showing Rainbow the drawing.

"YES! That looks exactly like the man from yesterday." Answers Rainbow with an amused yell.

"Thank you Rainbow Dash! We're GLAD you're so amused! Now onto the 3000 dollar prize!" Also note that it's "EXACTLY" the man they're looking for. Wow, that's a mighty accurate artist.

Also, this just dawned on me (I know, this shit is slowing my mind down). If RD didn't know about Twilight Sparkle's murder until this morning, how did she react when she saw the stranger? I mean, Ponyville is a small community and everybody knows one another. Seems, kind of stupid, don't you think?

Then again, this fic is mind-numbingly dumb.

"Thank you Ms. Dash, you may leave." Said Officer Collins

"Glad I can help." Said Rainbow leaving the Interrogation room.

FINALLY, NOW I CAN DRINK MYSELF TO DEATH

There, you have it, chapter 2, until next time, who should be interrogated next? Leave a review or send a PM for who should be interrogated. GhostMan, Signing Off.

Oh, you want a review?

TO BAD, HERE BOMB, FUCK YOU