So, today is kind of special to me. It’s the year anniversary of having left the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It’s also been a long time since I posted anything on this blog. I haven’t been writing much about faith things lately, but over the last couple months I’ve been meaning to write this talk. I wrote it thinking about what I would say if I really were the President of the LDS Church and giving a talk at General Conference, and I decided today would be a good day to have it finished and posted by. Anyway… here’s what I would say:

Good Morning, Brothers and Sisters. I have some messages to share with you today, messages of clarification, repentance, guidance, admission, love, encouragement, and of understanding. Most are for those of us within the Church, but the messages are also for those who have left the Church or are struggling with their faith.

My first messages are specifically to the Church. There are a number of things I hope to clarify, and I will begin with what the Church of Jesus Christ really is.

In the first book of Nephi, it is clarified that there are save two churches only, the Church of the Lamb, and the great and abominable church. I have found that in many members’ minds, our Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the Church of the Lamb are one and the same. I want to clarify that they are not. Those who truly belong to Jesus Christ and His Church are not bound by the confines of our organization.

Brother Stephen E. Robinson describes this wonderfully in his Ensign talk, ‘Warring against the Saints of God’, from 1988. In it, he states, “In either the apocalyptic sense or the historical sense, individual orientation to the Church of the Lamb or to the great and abominable church is not by membership but by loyalty. Just as there are Latter-day Saints who belong to the great and abominable church because of their loyalty to Satan and his life-style, so there are members of other churches who belong to the Lamb because of their loyalty to him and his life-style. Membership is based more on who has your heart than on who has your records.”

It is just as he says. There are those among the membership of this Church who do not belong to Jesus, but to Satan. We must understand how to perceive such people in our midst, as if we turn a blind eye to them, they will undermine our faith and pull us away from Jesus Christ and His gospel. We must vigilantly study the gospel of Christ and take it into our being, into our lifestyle, to better spot such people, and also root out any evils within ourselves that we might think are harmless. Do not strain at gnats in this effort either. Jesus is not concerned about how nice your clothes are for Church, He is concerned about what your heart is clothed with; light or darkness. The man whose heart is clouded with darkness says to a young man, “You cannot serve in passing the sacrament because you’re not wearing a white shirt and tie.” He says to a young woman, “You were created to serve and submit to your husband.” He says to a child, “Do you masturbate?”

Brothers and Sisters, the measure of judgment you use, your Father in Heaven will also use for you. Watch yourselves in how you judge. Do not look upon another person’s sin and disconnect yourselves from them. Instead take upon yourself humility and recognize your own capacity for wrongdoing, because we have all done wrong. We are not holy because we do not sin in the way another might, nor are we holy because our good deeds are of a different caliber than the good deeds of another. We must ask ourselves, who is among the lowest of people? The least of these, as Jesus said? What we have done to them, we have done to Him. Ignorance and neglect is among the easiest sins, and for many of us, myself included, who we consider to be the least and the lowest, we ignore and avoid. Pride and shame reign over these decisions. They cannot be overcome through our own willpower and effort. It is a matter of experiencing God’s love for us, of embracing our identity in the experienced love of Christ that overcomes our vices and allows us to treat both ourselves and others, the least of us included, with true love and attention.

I must emphasize this because we focus on those who we see as above us far too much. We live in a world of celebrities, being constantly exposed to people of fame and fortune, whether they’re of religious or secular significance. While it is not wrong to look to successful people and learn from them, and I certainly encourage you to do so, we need to do better to remember the One we serve and the ones He served. Our Savior did not worship or praise celebrities. The ones He spoke most harshly to were the religious leaders, the significant and wealthy people of His time.

And so one of the most important things I have to say to you is repent of your idolatry of those you see as greater than yourself. Repent of your idolatry of the position and title of Prophet of God. Repent of your idolatry of the Quorum of the Twelve. Repent of your idolatry of priesthood leaders. Repent of your idolatry of the temple. Repent of your idolatry towards anyone or anything. This idolatry, this blind following of those you see as greater than yourself, of accepting their words because you believe them to be of God, or of significant status, casts a shadow over your own divine identity. We as leaders of the Church do not share such profound revelation of the gospel that you yourselves cannot receive. The fullness of the gospel is simple and it is right in front of us, in scripture, in creation, and in our hearts. Every man and woman has access to it, everyone has within reach the Kingdom of Heaven, wherever they may be. If it weren’t so, then our God is cruel and deserves no worship. Yet it is so. We don’t need a building to feel His presence or peace, or for His wisdom and guidance. He dwells within us, so all we need is to draw close to Him.

I have two more things to say to you and encourage you in. The first is an acknowledgement that this life is difficult. It is all about learning and loving, and both are hard. We also suffer pain and conflict of all kinds. There is an unseen enemy out to get us, and he is relentless. But he is not bigger than God. It may seem at times that this world is full of evil, and indeed there is great evil in many people who have submitted to a hellbent lifestyle, but there is also great good. The words of the Russian author Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn come to mind, “But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.” We are all in a struggle with this divisive line. We have all tasted the fruit of that tree that gave us knowledge of it. It is our responsibility to understand good from evil, and to then reduce the evil in this world and create good. The words of our Savior in the New Testament and the Book of Mormon are our user’s manual for this work, and we can accomplish it.

The second is concerning doubts, and this message is also for those who have left the church. There are many of you who experience doubts about the Church, or about God. I want to tell you that it is completely understandable. Throughout Church history, there have been a number of errors, doctrinally and morally. Many previous Prophets and Apostles taught terrible and false doctrines and engaged in unholy practices. Our sins and errors are numerous and have led to pain and misery for countless others. I cannot even begin to fully acknowledge and make reparations for the hurt we have caused, but from today and onward I am going to do everything I can. And to those of you who are struggling now, I ask for your forgiveness. Your spiritual journey is incredibly important, and if things you have been told and taught at Church have damaged your relationship with us, with God, with your family, or even with yourself, I am sorry. What I hope you do next is for your own physical, mental, and spiritual benefit, whatever that may be. If you are unsure what that is, I urge you to pray and seek counsel among those you love and trust with such matters. For those of you who have left, thank you for your courage. It is not easy for most people to do what you did. Your actions, to me, are something to be learned from to better ourselves. I am sorry for whatever pain leaving might have caused. If the members of the Church have made a villain and enemy out of you for it, I am sorry. We have fallen short and you deserve better. It is my hope that all members of the Church do not make villains and enemies out of those who leave, but friends and allies. It is important to draw wisdom from different walks of life.

Last of all I have a word to share with you concerning knowledge and belief. I think we get them confused too often. I have realized that in any given moment, I know very little. Knowledge is the experiencing of something, of seeing it with your own eyes. We have only one set of eyes though, limited to wherever our feet are planted. Some people in this world have seen Christ, and their testimonies are a strength to us, but most have not. I have not, and I do not know whether He is real. But I believe He is, and that is what is important. We know it is written in the New Testament and Book of Mormon that belief in Him is the path to eternal life, not knowledge of Him. If our belief leads to knowledge, that’s wonderful, but we do not need to be a Church that knows, we need to be a Church that believes.

I’ll leave you with my testimony of what I know and what I believe. I know there have been moments in my life where I have felt something invisible and beyond myself, where a presence has filled the room and I could only describe it as unconditional love. I don’t know if that’s God, but I believe it is. I know there have been times I have prayed and shortly afterwards, the prayer was answered, sometimes by a voice in my head giving me an idea. I don’t know if that’s God, but I believe it is. I believe God gives us little hints, little kisses, to tell us He’s around, and I believe if we are diligent to keep His commandments, we will be able to know Him because He will show Himself to us. Finally, I believe Jesus of Nazareth is the Messiah, the Son of God, our Savior and bridegroom. I leave you with this in His name, amen.