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Today in “How The Hell Did We Get Here?”: NASA’s had to deny that it founded a child slave colony on Mars. As for just what prompted The Daily Beast to even reach out to NASA for a statement on a child slave ring operating on Mars, the root is, as you might have already suspected, InfoWars. The rather dubious claim was made by Robert David Steele, a former CIA operative who was recently interviewed by Alex Jones. During their little tête-à-tête (French for “exchange of conspiracy theories“), Steele told Jones that though it might seem far out there for any reasonable people watching, he and his ilk believe “there is a colony on Mars that is populated by children who were kidnapped and sent into space on a 20 year ride. So that once they get to Mars they have no alternative but to be slaves on the Mars colony.” Also according to Steele, these kids are having their bone marrow mined for… something: “Pedophilia does not stop with sodomizing children. It goes straight into terrorizing them to adrenalize their blood and then murdering them. It also includes murdering them so that they can have their bone marrow harvested as well as body parts.”


Jones didn’t prod his guest for any proof of his claims because, after all, “90 percent” of NASA’s missions are top secret, he alleged. The host also said he’s spoken to “high level NASA engineers,” who have told him that “you have no idea” (okay, we buy that last part). To head off any ill-advised, civilian-mounted missions to Mars to “save” these kids, The Daily Beast asked NASA to comment on the latest rumor making the InfoWars rounds. Guy Webster, a spokesperson for Mars exploration, demonstrated he knew what he was up against, quipping “there’s only one stupid rumor on the Internet? Now that’s news.” But he also flatly denied the child slave colony nonsense, saying in fact “There are no humans on Mars. There are active rovers on Mars. There was a rumor going around last week that there weren’t. There are. But there are no humans.” So that’s a ”yes” to the presence of Mars rovers, and a “no” on the question of the existence of a child slave colony.