This is a MEDICAL ALERT. If you believe that Donald Trump is running for president, stick an ice pick in your eye to see if you can get your brain started again. Don’t worry about damaging any important grey matter because if you bought Trump’s scam there is little left in your skull to damage.

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For those paying attention, Trump has been pretending to run for president for decades. He blathers about his “intentions” for a few weeks, insists that he is the only one who can save America from ruin, gets a bunch of idiot pundits to join the speculation, then retreats to his Manhattan penthouse to restock his bar and fluff his weasel-hair toupee. In his latest fake campaign, Trump announced that…

“Americans deserve better than what they get from their politicians — who are all talk and no action.”

Didn’t he just describe himself for the past thirty years? And why Trump would think that Americans would vote for him when 74%, according to a recent NBC/Wall Street Journal poll, view him negatively (the lowest by far of all candidates), and his track record in business includes four bankruptcies, is a question that only Trump’s ego can answer.

Trump’s platform consists mainly of anti-Obama mythologies such as his Kenyan birth, his Muslim faith, his ghost-written books, and his fake academic credentials. Trump has bought in to every hysterical conspiracy theory that has ever been floated about Obama. But who can deny Trump’s own resume that prepares him to lead the free world? After all, he has appeared on a reality TV show alongside Gary Busey and Meatloaf. What more could you want?

The best evidence that Trump is not running for anything other than the attention of dimwitted Fox News pundits and Tea Party basket cases is the response by NBC to his announcement that he will not be returning to Celebrity Apprentice. A spokesman for the network told Politico that “NBC Entertainment is planning to go ahead with production,” and that they would not be making any further comments. Notice that nothing in their statement confirmed that Trump had quit. Generally when that occurs the network would express its gratitude for the many years working together and extend their best wishes for the future. If NBC had the slightest inkling that Trump was serious they would not be committing production budgets and personnel to business as usual.

So to those who still think that a broadly unpopular loser, whose TV bosses don’t even believe him, is actually throwing his wig in the ring, please report to the nearest mental hospital. Trump would have a better chance of winning his Miss USA beauty pageant than a ticket to the White House. Although he would need a new hairpiece and some sort of act for the talent portion of the show.

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Addendum: In the highly unlikely event that Trump goes through with this charade (delighting Democrats everywhere), NBC could still proceed with Apprentice by getting Mitt Romney to take over the show. He is another hollow multimillionaire who likes to fire people. In fact, the GOP has a deep bench in that category.