One of these days, we should all become San Antonio Spurs. I know it’s not as simple as that, but it should be. Come on. Let’s get the Spurs to make us Spurs for one day. One hour. Twenty minutes. Ninety seconds. If the Spurs would have me, I am ready to put on the black and silver.

(I seriously doubt that the Spurs would have me. There’s zero chance.)

The...