Tier 6: Why did these people get cast?

Nick Maiorano

For Nick, he is one of those guys that had been in the casting process for a while and was asked to film a video. They knew of him when he sent this in but if you’re applying for Survivor probably don’t do this.

Edit: it has come to my attention from credible sources that Nick actually sent out that audition and only heard back from casting afterwards. I have to give him points for such a ballsy move but if you’re applying for Survivor, still probably don’t do this.

Jenny Guzon-Bae

This is a very vanilla tape. Jenny shows off her volleyball skills and awkwardly interacts with whoever is filming her. She also uses Destiny’s Child’s Survivor as the backing track for her tape which I am sure producers have never seen before.

Alexis Jones

This is like a job interview. It’s very bland and boring. Some players’ tapes are enlightening because you can see what production saw when they cast them onto the show. Alexis is just as boring and normal here than on Micronesia. It probably doesn’t hurt her that she is super attractive.

Jennifer Lanzetti

Hats. Lots of hats.

Ace Gordon

For the cool and suave personality Ace tries to show off on the show, he comes off equally awkward and uncomfortable in his audition. First of all, he’s on a beach in a full suit. Secondly, he keeps fumbling over his words and looks very obviously out of his element. If he had written a script for this, he’s a pretty bad actor because he is constantly trying to figure out what to say next.

Outside of that, this tape is a name dropping beauty. He tries to show off how posh and cultured his upbringing was by throwing out as many famous names and brands as humanly possible. At one point Ace also refers to himself as an ex-therapist which I don’t think is possible unless he went through the education for it?

To top things off, check out this video for the longest version of the Survivor slogan in the history of the world and Ace’s run towards the water that the camera inexplicably cuts short at the end.

Kat Edorsson

Kat is not a person you would picture to be a deep thinker. Her video supports this by being only 50 seconds long. The song chosen to back the video is Katy Perry’s Fireworks which seems just right even if I don’t know why. The only thing I took note from this video is that she says she’s been playing softball all of her life and it immediately cuts to the worst bat swing I have ever seen in my life.

Tier 5: Iffy but ultimately understandable casting

Jenna Lewis

…Wait this isn’t the audition tapes for the Casting Couch? My bad, moving on.

Frosti Zernow

At the time he played in China, Frosti was the youngest person to be cast on Survivor. This comes across fairly obviously in his audition tape. Frosti is very bubbly and energetic but also has some really lame one-liners he clearly think are funny. I do give him major props for the Gorillaz poster he has in his room that we can catch in one shot.

Shannon Elkins

Well if anyone would have seen his audition before the season, it would be obvious that Shannon is a gigantic doucebag. He makes a joke about his mom having sex with his black mailman like 10 seconds into the video. He also manages to fit in a joke about being full of sperm.

I can see why production saw this and cast him as a hopeful antagonist but it doesn’t make him anymore likable in hindsight.

Baylor Wilson

Yikes this video was tough to watch. This video is about 5 minutes and she only really talks about herself in relation to Survivor about 4 minutes in. As you can probably guess, there is a lot of singing in this audition and that alone made me want to stop watching about 10 times throughout. Baylor is very clearly in love with herself.

My favorite moment in this tape is when she walks by someone, says hi and then turns to the camera and says, “I don’t know that guy”. Congrats Baylor, you said hi to a stranger, so edgy and different of you.

Cece Taylor

On the show Cece was fairly invisible. She was the nice woman who ended up in the minority and sucked in challenges. In her audition, Cece is charming and bubbly. She clearly has a big personality that you wonder if it was just not shown on the island or if the meager rations kind of made her lethargic. Cece is also a fairly active person as evidenced by her tape but that really doesn’t come off on the show. She is another one of these people who applied several times and finally broke through with this tape.

Anna Khait

Give credit to Anna. She knew exactly what would get her cast on the show. In fact it was two things and they both feature prominently in her video. The only other thing of note with this one is that she says she knows she has commitment because she dropped out of medical school to chase her poker dreams. Isn’t dropping out of something the complete opposite of commitment? Also don’t doctors have to like… believe in vaccinations?

Tier 4: Stellar Audition Tapes

Erik Reichenbach

Erik is kind of a nerdy, goofball kid so it makes sense that his video is similar. It’s a very campy application but enjoyable nonetheless. Erik gets points for being able to look cool while running, something few people are able to do convincingly.

There’s also this quote in here that a lot of fans have taken to mocking. “Young people are notorious for doing stupid things”. Really Erik? Is that what they’re known for? It could explain his eventual downfall in the game if he was just sticking to his mantra this whole time. I can’t help but get the vibe that Erik is one of those guys that is “OMG so random” and that hurts his overall video a bit.

Randy Bailey

Noteworthy if only for his parody of the Brady Bunch intro. Randy applied numerous times to get onto the show. He doesn’t seem nearly as mean or bitter in this application than he eventually does on Gabon.

Kathy Sleckman

Like Randy, Kathy applied multiple times and this video is not the one that eventually got her cast. I just really enjoy this video for the implied sex she has with her husband while her kids are “sleeping” right next to them.

I also find it funny that Kathy says she will “sleep under any condition” considering that the extensive rain was the straw that broke the camel’s back and almost made Kathy cut off one of her fingers.

Steve Wright

This tape makes him seem like the most bad-ass middle aged man in the world. Steve also makes me want to hit the gym immediately after watching his video.

Tier 3: Casting Gold

Shane Powers

If you remember Shane in Panama, he was a character. That comes across in his 4 minute video perfectly. It starts off with him cuddling his dog, possibly in the nude and only gets better from there. He drops the f bomb numerous times and makes sure to have the camera zoom in right on his tramp stamp. It’s impressive that he references Greg Buis as the player he is most like and I can see it. Greg is like the Disney version to Shane’s Disney porn parody.

The money quote in this tape is “I will fuck everybody to win the money”. I also appreciates that he goes out on the streets to get random chicks to shout him out. As if to perfectly freeze his audition tape into time, Shane somehow gets Constantine Maroulis of American Idol “fame” to also support his application for Survivor. Everything about this video is so weird but perfectly Shane.

Matty Whitemore

This is a weird audition tape which suits Matty because Matty is a weird guy. He walks around his house with a glass of water (that stuck out to me for some reason) giving this really weird and supposedly inspirational speech about his life up to now. My favorite quote is “my religion is in the mountains, the oceans and the trees”. There’s also a great Matty-ism in there about the foolosophy of his brain. Not to mention, Matty claims to live the “cush” life when we all know he really means the Kush life.

He also mentions that he will be a good Survivor because he just won’t lose. That is really funny considering he ends up on Fang that only seems to lose for a very long time. We also get to see Jamie, his girlfriend he will end up proposing to on the season, and Matty says to her face “we’ve been dating on and off for…” and forgets the amount of time they’ve been together.

Tyson Apsotol

Like Shane’s video was quintessentially Shane Powers, Tyson’s video perfectly shows off Tyson’s personality. He is wearing one of his vintage Tyson V-necks that go way lower down his chest that they should. He starts it off by doing a bicycle trick in the parking lot of a 7–11, where his entire tape is filmed. For Rob has a Podcast fans, Danny Bryson, Tyson’s best buddy and News AF stalwart is the camera man for this audition.

Some more classic Tyson in this video includes taking off his pants for no real reason, going inside the 7–11 to get some testimonials from Raj the 7–11 worker and also making a baby eating joke. A nice little cameo from Rachel Foulger, Tyson’s eventual Blood vs Water partner, is thrown in at the end. This is a top notch application in my mind, right up there with Shane’s.

Tier 2: The Perfect Audition Tape

Troyzan Robertson

Ok. Now this is a nice tape. Obviously Troyzan has an advantage working in photography and closely with people who edit tape for a living and he makes full use of it. This tape may very well be better put together than some Survivor episodes. He also has supermodels vouching for him which I am sure the green monster appreciated.

One thing that makes me take some points away: at one point he says he is like nobody that’s ever played. That’s already an annoying cliché but Troyzan makes it worse by comparing himself to Muhammad Ali, Ghandi and Martin Luther King. Maybe tone it down a little bit there Troyzan.

Tier 1: Brandon Hantz

Brandon Hantz

This is a masterpiece. First of all, he fires off two fucking guns at once. There’s a great weightlifting scene that prominently shows off his gut which was probably acquired to extensive amounts of lean. His entire explanation of how he will play is golden. “VIRUS BOOM! BOOM TITTIES!” There’s also the marionette dance which really should be a popular GIF onto itself.

My favorite quote from the whole thing has to be “Ima stick my hand in yo butt and work yo mouth like a puppet”. People say Brandon only made the show because of his family. Maybe so but looking at this tape, if you’re casting, you can’t ignore a crazy person like that regardless of bloodlines. Seriously I have no words to describe this video. It just needs to be watched by everybody.