Uncontrolled Daily Mail readership has been ‘damaging’ for Britain and would be capped under a future Labour government, Gordon Brown has promised. ‘Some areas of our nation have been swamped by waves of Daily Mail readers,’ said Mr Brown, ‘and, with their alien culture of prejudice, they are placing unbearable demands on the country’s normally liberal supplies of patience and tolerance.’

The decision follows increased social unrest with a rising tide of tutting, whinging and exasperated cries of ‘It’s political correctness gone mad.’

Mr Brown pledged that Labour would set annual limits to Daily Mail readers according to a points based system. People who repeatedly fail to demonstrate basic liberal values will be expected to sit a citizenship test set by readers of the Guardian.

Mr Brown refused to confirm reports that Daily Mail columnist Richard Littlejohn could face compulsory repatriation to Cloud Cuckoo Land, a policy that many believe would be a real vote winner.