LOS ANGELES, CA — FSW has received word of a few under the radar casting decisions regarding Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. As expected some new canon characters will indeed make an appearance in the film. While we’re thrilled to hear who’s playing who, we’re most excited about the appearance of Rae Sloane in Rogue One.

Most of you will probably recognize the name Rae Sloan from the new canon novels A New Dawn by J. J. Miller or Aftermath by Charles P. Wendigo. Sloane served as the captain of the Imperial Star Destroyer Ultimatum during the first decade of the Empire. She’s a no-B.S. kind of gal and I personally think they got the perfect lady for the role.

R&B superstar Rihanna will be leading the Imperial troops to work against the Rebellion, and you better believe the Rebels will have a man down more often than not with Ri-Ri in charge. You can expect the highest quality of Imperial filth to spew out of her mouth as Sloane. We have been told she often insults her own troops and when the bridge asks for orders she only ever replies, “Shut up and drive!”

If that doesn’t sound awesome enough Rihanna is also playing a young rebellion pilot who may or may not be Rae Sloane’s twin sister separated at birth! Te Amo is a brilliant young female pilot who has nothing but peace-keeping on her mind and will do anything to end the state of disturbia the Empire has put the galaxy in. Our source believes this character’s backstory somehow ties in with the Dameron family as well.

It seems as though the role has already gone to Ri-Ri’s head a bit, as she was seen at a LA night club last weekend sporting a Phantom Menace skirt and repeatedly asking the bartender for “Blue Milk dumbass!!” Her newfound Imperial gusto didn’t end there either. She took to twitter to hand Daisy Ridley some abuse for her lack of depth and understanding of the Star Wars universe. Who knew Rihanna was a natural born Imperial Trap Queen? I like it.

Stay tuned for more exclusive fake Rogue One news right here at FSW!

–COMRADE OUT