“Yeah, they actually got a quote for the moat, which also sounds like the name of the most xenophobic Dr. Seuss book ever.” — TREVOR NOAH

“Who do you call? Where do you shop for 2,000 miles of moat gator? ‘Hi, hi, hi — is this Petco? Yeah, asking for a friend — can I order alligators in bulk? No? What can I buy in bulk? Hamsters? O.K. How aggressive are we talking here?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Hello, zoo? How much to rent your hungriest alligators and poisonous snakes? Don’t hang up — I’m calling from the White House. I’ll have you know Mike Pompeo is on this call.” — SAMANTHA BEE

“He was said to be so frustrated by lack of progress on his stupid wall. At one point, he shouted at everyone. He said, ‘I ran on this issue. You guys are making me look like an idiot!’ And they were like, ‘Sorry, Mr. President. Tell us more about this moat full of alligators and snakes.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL



“Trump said the best part of the alligator moat was telling Eric and Don Jr. that he built them a new lazy river.” — JIMMY FALLON



“You know, like some sort of inbred medieval king. At night he probably drinks milkshakes from a goblet while Eric and Don Jr. joust with golf clubs.” — SETH MEYERS

“Trump also called the story fake news. He was like, ‘It wasn’t snakes and alligators; it was sharks and tornadoes. Fill it up with tornadoes — we have the technology.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“Seriously, did Trump fall asleep watching ‘Temple of Doom’ again?” — SETH MEYERS

“Now to be clear, Trump wanted the trench stocked with either snakes or alligators. It was a one-or-the-other situation, because asking for both would be ridiculous.” — JAMES CORDEN