It feels as if now, in the twilight of my college years and hence childhood, I'm just starting to realize how ripped off I was. Sure, getting drunk with an absurd amount of frequency was fun and maybe reading a bunch of books by dead white men who didn't have the Internet (and thus were always introduced with caution) was mildly enriching, but now I have very little in terms of preparation and even less in terms of ideas of what in the hell I should do.

I shouldn't just lash out at you though April 27th, this is a problem that I've known about, to some degree, since birth. In the first five year clump of my life you seemed like a distant fixture that I'd never reach. Then, in the three year "middle" years I learned to be fearful of you, I learned that I'd be "flipping burgers" if we never met.

Then the most important four-year cluster came around and I was sick of hearing about you. I wanted to skateboard and have sex with girls so I couldn't be bothered about choosing where to meet you, I'd figure that out later.

And the past four years? WTF dude, you really pulled a bait and switch with that one. By the end of high school I was an AP Scholar and stressed endlessly about the perils of college and then I find that all of my classes are in auditoriums? I find that doing class readings is waaay less than mandatory and I had to pay for it?

I was told I needed internships and work experience and volunteering and I did it all and still, you're three weeks away and I've got nothing. When I started here, I thought by now, I'd have a career laid out for me, a 401k even. Instead I've got accounts on every online job searching site and over draft fees from ordering professional resume writing services.

And sure, I'm being slightly pessimistic, but only because you, April 27th, have lorded over me my entire life. Seriously, you're sort of a dick.