The tough truth? With hoarding, change is slow, happens in small steps and is like doing the cha-cha—two steps forward, one step back. You can’t force it from the outside. If you live with a hoarder, or if a parent or close friend is hoarding, here’s how to nurture your peace of mind as you help:

Identify a hoarding problem. Hoarding goes beyond clutter; it’s not the same as collecting (collectors love to display their beloved stuff, whether it’s baseball caps or silver spoons). It crosses the line from mere annoyance to trouble when hoarded objects take over living spaces so the hoarder and those around them can’t use rooms as they were meant to be used, when the clutter makes a home or apartment unsafe and when the sheer volume of stuff interferes with daily living and relationships.

Line up support—for you. A local task force or hoarding organization such as Children of Hoarders can help you connect with others via online and in-person support groups. You’ll also find links to cleaning services; health-care professionals who work with hoarders and their families; and real-world, been-there-done-that advice for dealing with challenging situations such as crisis cleaning when a hoarder’s home has become unsafe.