How The World Treated Me After Every Breakup

Radio DJ: …and we’ll be right back with more of today’s hottest music here on 95.7 the Drill.

Producer: Hey Phil we gotta change the song lineup when we get back from commercial.

DJ: Why?

Producer: Nancy just dumped Alan pretty hard.

DJ: Are you kidding? Evanescence sent me a single to play specifically if they ever broke up.

Producer: Good. Here’s a list of every song they danced to at prom or listened to while making out in his ‘96 Toyota Camry.

DJ: Perfect. I’m all over this.

Producer: He is gonna cry his goddamn eyes out.

DJ: Yes. Yes he is.





TV Writer: I am loving this out-of-nowhere love angle. This episode is gonna change the show forever!

Show Runner: Hey want to change the new character’s name to Nancy?

TV Writer: That’s a great idea. Alan will probably binge-watch our show for solace and when our new Nancy character shows up he is going to get sad all over himself. Who should play her?

Show Runner: The closest lookalike we can find.

TV Writer: Alan sucks.





Stomach: Hey brain! Starting to get empty down here, maybe we should-

Brain: Call Nancy!

Stomach: What? No, I was gonna say it’s time to-

Brain: Cry suddenly! About Nancy!

Eyes: Hey all hate to interrupt but we are about to walk into someone who-

Brain: Looks just like Nancy!

Eyes: What are you talking about? This woman is at least eighty years old.

Brain: I bet Nancy would be the most beautiful eighty year old!

Eyes: …

Stomach: If you don’t get food down here we are going to die.