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Hippies have Glastonbury. Tennis heads have Wimbledon. Comedians have the Fringe.

For political geeks, look no further than the 2017 Labour Party Conference.

That's right - the nation's left-wing politicians, activists and its best red newspaper, us, are descending on Brighton for this year's bash - billed as Labour's biggest ever.

It's a dazzling and, let's face it, confusing array of events, speeches, politicking, infighting and of course drinking.

So what is the conference? Why does it happen? And what's the agenda?

Here's everything you need to know.

What is the Labour Party Conference?

(Image: Getty)

It's an annual four-day bash for Labour members to get their spirits up and take the pulse of what the party thinks.

Every party has one. They used to always be in seaside towns, but Manchester and Birmingham now feature too.

Each local party elects 'delegates' to attend and vote on policy on their behalf.

There are also MPs, hundreds of hangers-on and lobbyists for charities, big business and pressure groups.

Last year it was also used to elect Labour's leader.

When and where is it?

(Image: Getty)

The conference kicks off in Brighton on Saturday 23 September with the National Women's Conference.

The formal conference only starts on the Sunday, as the Women's Conference can't pass rule changes.

It runs until lunchtime on Wednesday 28 September after Jeremy Corbyn's big setpiece speech.

Will it be friendly?

(Image: Christopher Furlong)

Well, last year it was the stage for Labour's great split. So it'll probably be a lot more sunny than a year ago.

But even though Jeremy Corbyn is secure as leader, he's under pressure to change policies on things like Brexit.

This will come of course in the bars and restaurants.

If you're looking at meaningful changes to Labour policy though, read on.

How do motions work?

(Image: Leon Neal)

A big way to change policy is by forcing a vote on a contemporary motion.

These are suggested by local parties, shortlisted from more than 150 by the Conference Arrangements Committee, then 'composited' - combined - into just a few motions.

Some of these - around eight - are eventually voted on at the floor of the conference.

So delegates COULD make Labour Britain's 'Stop Brexit' party, there and then with one vote.

But in reality the power play is in bars and committees behind closed doors before we get to this point. 'Compositing' something cleverly enough can basically destroy it.

What are the biggest controversies?

Conference will be asked to pass major rule changes tipping the balance of power further towards members - and therefore Jeremy Corbyn. They've already been passed by the ruling NEC so this is probably a rubber stamp.

There was a row over whether Sadiq Khan would get a speech, with the London mayor given a last-minute limelight slot against the wishes of Corbyn's allies.

And probably most importantly, several motions are putting pressure on the Labour leader to change policy to back continuing free movement after Brexit.

Other issues like Trident - backed by Labour but opposed personally by Mr Corbyn - could raise their head, but both sides want to defuse the explosive issue.

What's on the main stage?

SATURDAY: National Women's Conference

SUNDAY: 10.30am opening and committee report, 11am Diane Abbott, 4pm Andrew Gwynne, 4.30pm Iain McNicol and Ian Lavery

MONDAY: 11am Emily Thornberry and Keir Starmer, Noon John McDonnell, 3.30pm Debbie Abrahams

TUESDAY: 9.30am financial reports, 10.30am Rebecca Long-Bailey, 12.30 Angela Rayner, 2.30pm Jonathan Ashworth, 5pm Tom Watson

WEDNESDAY: 12.15pm Jeremy Corbyn

Then there are hundreds of other events at the conference fringe...

What's the pick of the fringe?

(Image: Christopher Furlong)

There are hundreds of events - generally clustered at about 8am, noon and from 5pm - on the 'fringe' in between the main events.

It's these events that can either produce the real headlines and fireworks... or be a total snooze-fest.

Here are a few random picks and big names that might be worth going to, including by those fine folks at the Daily Mirror.

Turn up early for popular events to ensure a seat and don't forget, fringes chop and change at the last minute.

SATURDAY

6pm: Jeremy Corbyn holds a rally in The Level park

SUNDAY

12.30pm: The Mirror's Real Britain fringe with Labour's Emily Thornberry, Unite general secretary Len McCluskey, Grenfell Tower escapee Bellal El Guenumi and junior doctor Rachel Clarke. Grand Hotel, Charlotte Room

with Labour's Emily Thornberry, Unite general secretary Len McCluskey, Grenfell Tower escapee Bellal El Guenumi and junior doctor Rachel Clarke. Grand Hotel, Charlotte Room 12.30pm: Campaign chief Andrew Gwynne in conversation with HuffPost's Paul Waugh. Hilton Brighton Metropole, Chartwell

with HuffPost's Paul Waugh. Hilton Brighton Metropole, Chartwell 12.30pm: Keir Starmer speaks about Brexit with Alison McGovern, Chuka Umunna and Catherine West. Odeon Brighton, Screen 2

with Alison McGovern, Chuka Umunna and Catherine West. Odeon Brighton, Screen 2 5.30pm: Austerity debate with Ed Miliband, Lisa Nandy and the respected IFS think tank

with Ed Miliband, Lisa Nandy and the respected IFS think tank 5.30pm: Ken Loach, Lowkey and others on art and politics. Synergy

Ken Loach, Lowkey and others on art and politics. Synergy 6pm: Diane Abbott on migration and rights in Europe and beyond. Hilton Brighton Metropole, Argyle

and rights in Europe and beyond. Hilton Brighton Metropole, Argyle 6pm: Progress rally of self-described moderate MPs. Odeon Brighton

of self-described moderate MPs. Odeon Brighton 7.30pm: In Conversation with Ed Miliband hosted by The World Transformed. Fabrica

hosted by The World Transformed. Fabrica 7.30pm: In Conversation with Andy Burnham hosted by Prospect's Tom Clark. Hilton Brighton Metropole, Trent

MONDAY

8am: Angela Rayner in Conversation with the Times Red Box. London Lounge

with the Times Red Box. London Lounge 11am: Russell Brand and Jon Ashworth MP join forces to talk about problem gambling. Fabrica

MP join forces to talk about problem gambling. Fabrica 12.30pm: European Commission Vice President Frans Timmermans and Keir Starmer on Brexit. Hilton Brighton Metropole, Balmoral

on Brexit. Hilton Brighton Metropole, Balmoral 12.30pm: Shadow Care minister Barbara Keeley on Britain's care crisis. Mercure Ballroom

on Britain's care crisis. Mercure Ballroom 12.45pm: Lord Adonis, outspoken pro-EU Labour peer who's also head of the Tory government's National Infrastructure Commission. Hilton Brighton Metropole, Gloucester

outspoken pro-EU Labour peer who's also head of the Tory government's National Infrastructure Commission. Hilton Brighton Metropole, Gloucester 1pm: John Prescott, Jon Trickett and Laura Smith MP on getting the North's voice back. Fabrica

and Laura Smith MP on getting the North's voice back. Fabrica 3pm: The Mirror's Change the Law for Life campaign hits conference with Geoffrey Robinson MP, Angela Rayner, Dan Jarvis, and the mum of little Max Johnson, who needs a heart. Also there is Mark Serwotka, the union leader who got a heart transplant himself. We are bidding to have an 'opt-out' rule for organ donations - not an 'opt-in'. Hilton Brighton Metropole, Hall 7

5.30pm: Business fringe with John McDonnell and CBI chief Carolyn Fairbairn. Hilton Brighton Metropole, Sherwood

5.30pm: How to handle Brexit with Keir Starmer, Brexit committee chief Hilary Benn and others. The Grand, CB2

6pm: Priorities for a socialist government with John McDonnell and union chiefs. The Old Ship Hotel

6.45pm: 'Labour's shameful migration secret' with Owen Jones, a Yarls Wood detainee and others. Buddies Cafe Bar

7.30pm: Stop The War fringe with Andrew Murray, a recent convert from the communist party who was Corbyn's 2017 election chief. The Grand, Charlotte Room

8.30pm: Diversity Nite is back on! Infamously hosted by Keith Vaz, we've heard he's back on this year. Walkabout

TUESDAY

12.30pm: Scottish Labour leader hustings with Anas Sarwar and Richard Leonard, hosted by the Daily Record. Hilton Brighton Metropole, Viscount

with Anas Sarwar and Richard Leonard, hosted by the Daily Record. Hilton Brighton Metropole, Viscount 1pm: How Labour councillors are fighting austerity. Hilton Brighton Metropole, Trent

Hilton Brighton Metropole, Trent 5.30pm: Keir Starmer in conversation on Labour's Brexit plan. Hilton Brighton Metropole, Ambassador

on Labour's Brexit plan. Hilton Brighton Metropole, Ambassador 5.30pm: New New Labour - is it time for a new coalition? With Momentum's Jon Lansman and Emily Thornberry [invited]. Hilton Brighton Metropole, Lancaster

- is it time for a new coalition? With Momentum's Jon Lansman and Emily Thornberry [invited]. Hilton Brighton Metropole, Lancaster 6pm: Human rights in Brexit Britain with Diane Abbott, Emily Thornberry and Amnesty International

with Diane Abbott, Emily Thornberry and Amnesty International 8pm: Ed Miliband hosts a pub quiz, yes really, on all things political. Arranged by The World Transformed. Komedia

yes really, on all things political. Arranged by The World Transformed. Komedia 8pm: The Mirror's legendary conference party, which sadly is invite-only

which sadly is invite-only 10pm: Labour students disco. Pryzm

Can I just turn up?

Yes and no.... But, er, no.

A huge area including the main conference venue, hotel and many fringe venues is encased in a ring of steel impenetrable to all but those pre-vetted by police.

This is to protect delegates after the infamous Provisional IRA bomb at the 1984 Tory conference in Brighton.

Pro-Corbyn group Momentum is holding an event called The World Transformed, outside the secure zone, but that's also now sold out.

Your only chance is some fringe events that will be held outside the secure zone. If you download the app, below, you can see what they are.

How can I watch?

Follow the main stage live on BBC Parliament, or get latest news updates from across the stages, fringes and parties right here on mirror.co.uk/politics.

How do I get the app?

If we had put every event in this article you'd have fallen asleep by now.

But fortunately hardcore Labour activists can download an app with full, live-updating listings here.