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Let's see. If I decided to stop working, I'd get fired. If I shut down my company, I'd get arrested.

Congress and the president have taken their sweet time trying to agree to terms for reopening the government, but not only are they still on the job, they're getting paid! What kind of punishment is that? Where's the deterrent there?

(Read more: White House sees progress on debt ceiling, shutdown) So if we can't fire them, and we can't stop paying them, how can we punish those running the show before the next election rolls around?

Let's be creative.

Some suggestions:

Mandatory prancercising. Nonstop.

Have them answer their own phones during voter drunk dialing.

Order them to stand in the grocery checkout line behind someone who's decided to write a check at the last second... but can't find her checkbook...now she needs to borrow a pen.

Force them to twerk in a Miley Cyrus bikini, then swing naked from a wrecking ball.

Make them watch the New York Giants.

Spend the weekend with Richard Simmons.

Cut off booze, cigars, hookers, and cocaine.

Give them only Blackberries.

Bring in "Walter White" to negotiate...his way. #BreakingBad

Hire them out at minimum wage to give pedicures at San Quentin.

Make them sit still as Kanye West, the only American with a bigger ego than Congress, tells them he's a genius again and again. And again. And one more time.

Put a ball gag on the whole gang and go Fifty Shades on them.

Invite them to the next Game of Thrones "Red Wedding" as "guests of honor." (I'm just kidding, Secret Service! Ha ha...heh...sorta...)

Gitmo, anyone?

(Read more: American mood worst since financial crisis: Poll)