(CNN) Chrissy Teigen has always been open about her issues, including her struggle with postpartum depression.

Now the model is coming clean about her drinking.

"I got used to being in hair and makeup and having a glass of wine," she said. "Then that glass of wine would carry over into me having one before the awards show. And then a bunch at the awards show."

Teigen, who is married to singer John Legend and the mother of a young daughter, said she "felt bad for making kind of an a** of myself to people that I really respected."

"And that feeling, there's just nothing like that," she said. "You feel horrible. It's not a good look for me, for John, for anybody."

The cookbook author revealed that alcohol abuse runs in her family and said she's not the type of person who can have just one drink.

She's also a spokesperson for spirits Captain Morgan and Smirnoff and -- like many celebs -- is often called on to attend events where alcohol is ever present.

"Imagine everything we have," Teigen said. "Everything is there, always. I don't know how to go to an awards show and not drink."

Being on several medications for anxiety and postpartum depression also didn't help, she said.

And while Teigen said no one pointed out that she might have a problem, she said she "knew in my heart it wasn't right."

A family retreat to Bali where she abstained from alcohol, exercised and ate better helped her realize what she was doing to herself, Teigen said.

"I would wake up feeling amazing." she told the publication. "My skin felt amazing. I was just so happy."

Now the star is committed to maintaining sobriety.

"I used to think it was kind of nutty to have to go totally sober, but now I get it," Teigen said. "I don't want to be that person. ... I have to fix myself."