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Except not anymore, because today's shitty economy means the only job most teenagers can easily find isn't legal until they turn 18 and won't exactly be endorsed by their parents. (It's fucking for money. We mean fucking for money.) The teen unemployment rate is 27.3 percent, an all-time high that's staggering compared to the national American rate of 6 percent. We are officially going through the Muppet Babies reboot of the Great Depression.

How is this possible? Are there no fast food meals that need to be spit in? No amusement park rides to be run by carnies too tore up for safety regulations? No grocery stores that need all of their cans stocked haphazardly? We're afraid those jobs are held by adults now -- just like that baby boomer who got comfortable and refuses to leave his office job, there's now a Gen Xer that won't hang his Ben & Jerry's apron. Meanwhile, summer jobs for teens are going the way of other vanished teen staples, like bitchin' muscle cars and high school educations.

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Well, at least your kids will have more time to share with the family at barbecues and stuff. Or not, because ...