NEW YORK CITY— Emphasizing that the discovery had put the residents of New York in grave danger, officials warned Friday against flushing feminine hygiene products after discovering an 8-foot-long, 250-pound tampon lurking in the sewers. “While the tampon may have started out just a few inches long at first, its super-absorbent strength allowed it to grow to a colossal size, decimating everything in its path,” said sanitation department spokesperson Hannah Ling, adding that although the cotton products may initially seem small and harmless, they can expand up to 10,000 times their original weight after being flushed down the toilet and then inhabit sewers for years. “In this particular case, the tampon proved extremely hazardous and actually ended up injuring several sanitation workers when it crushed them with its enormous mass. So remember, if you have a tampon, please dispose of it properly and safely by finding a trash can, rather than creating an environmental disaster.” Ling also confirmed the gargantuan tampon is responsible for the deaths of 15 cats and dogs that were reported missing last week.

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