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Benedict Confirms Epic Kegger At Apostolic Palace During Francis Visit To U.S.

VATICAN– Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI confirmed Monday that he will make his first visit to the Apostolic Palace in September to host and attend a raging kegger.

The news comes just hours after Pope Francis announced plans to attend a meeting on the family in Philadelphia, or as Benedict called it, “Snoozapalooza.”

In a statement made to friends gathered Monday, Benedict said, “I wish to confirm that in September of 2015, I will throw the most epic, off-the-chain party the Vatican has seen since the 15th century.”

Benedict has already traveled to South Beach, San Diego, Las Vegas, Brazil and elsewhere in the 20 months he has been retired, and his rager at the Apostolic Palace will come at a pivotal moment for the Roman Catholic Church.

“I believe that Benedict knows what a stressful time it has been for the faithful these past few months,” said an anonymous source. “With so many Catholics trying to explain to friends and co-workers, as well as themselves, what actually happened at the Synod on the Family, Benedict thinks it’s time to unwind with an ‘Irish Car Bomb’ or two, a couple games of ‘Whiskey Pong,’ and some ‘keg stands.’”

The source went on to remind everyone invited to keep the “bender” on the “D Lo” until “papa’s” gone.