Cora writes: I think it would be entertaining for my father to dress in drag this Christmas! I would put makeup on him, dress him in a Christmas outfit and have him jump out of a present. He signed a contract I wrote that said, “I, Taylor W., will allow Cora W. to dress me as a woman this Christmas.” He is already trying to wiggle out of it. What can I do?

I admire you for your gumption, Cora. I also fear you. Obviously you know that your father is a human with dignity, not your ‘‘Twilight Zone’’-style plaything (unless you live in Park Slope, of course). Still, you were smart enough to get him to sign a contract — which is, as they say, a contract. Your father must uphold his end of it.

Yes, Cora, there really is a Judge John Hodgman. And he has come to make your strange Christmas dream come true.