Birmingham, Mississippi—

With several Republicans withholding support from the Republican Party’s third and latest attempt to repeal Obamacare, conservatives in red states are vowing to vote against incumbent Republican Congresspeople and instead elect even more destructively anti-government conservatives.

“I will not stop until my own health insurance is totally gone,” said Randal Hewitt of Birmingham, who is preparing a committee to run for the House seat that represents Birmingham. Any and all Republicans need to be voted out—they failed. It’s simple, really. So a new Tea Party-esque movement is growing for people who want to smell President Trump’s farts. It’s going to be awesome how many good things about America we are going to destroy. I vow it. Take that, liberals!”

Other conservatives told The Halfway Post that they were sick of government butting in to everything and giving them more affordable and accessible healthcare.

“How can they force me to be socially responsible about my own life?” asked Heather Rowans of Birmingham, who is planning to canvas for Mr. Hewitt’s campaign. “It should be my right as a free American citizen to choose to not have health insurance, and when I die it should be my right to stack up epic hospital bills in order to keep me from dying and just declare bankruptcy and not pay for any of my life-prolongment [sic]. Why should I have to pay for that? And I absolutely refuse to pay taxes or allow the government to improve the standard of life for the whole country. Not on my watch. Why did Obama allow 9/11 to happen, why don’t you lame-stream media tell me that? Where was President Barack Hussein Obama on that day when—“

The Halfway Post respectfully cut Ms. Rowans off.

(Picture courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)

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