Water Cooler Speaks Out After Attack

The Water Cooler involved in last night’s altercation with Pittsburgh Pirates first baseman Sean Rodriguez, has released a statement through his agent and The Water Cooler’s Hydration Association (W.C.H.A. which is the union representing MLB’s Water Coolers.) In the statement The Water Cooler alleges Rodriguez used multiple racial slurs in his tirade, as well as personal attacks and threats on his family. Here is the excerpt from the statement that was released this morning:

“….leading up to before he struck me, Mr. Rodriguez was angry that I had recently run out of ice and the water I expelled to him was slightly warmer than average. Upon realizing the water temperature Mr. Rodriguez proceeded to scream at me that I was “Incapable of hydrating a little league team much less a Major League Baseball Organization.” He then proceeded to call me a “Candy Corn looking Mother Fu***r,” and then attacked me. Several times during the altercation Mr. Rodriguez made threats towards my family, stating on one occasion “Your children should be recycled so as not to pollute the Earth….”

The altercation took place in the top of the seventh inning during last night’s wildcard matchup between the Chicago Cubs and Pittsburgh Pirates. A scuffle broke out between the two teams and Pirates first baseman Sean Rodriguez was obviously fired up. After the teams made their way back into the dugout, a T.V. camera captured video of Rodriguez repeatedly striking The Water Cooler and shouting inaudible words towards the cooler (watch the video here.) The attack went on for quite some time before Rodriguez was removed from the dugout after subsequently being ejected from the game.

The Water Cooler was checked out by medical staff on site and released after the evaluation. Another Water Cooler that witnessed the attack was quoted saying “This attack is just another disgusting example of how orange water coolers are treated around the league. If you watch the post season you will notice only the blue water coolers are used in celebrations, although the orange coolers did the same amount of work.” The Pittsburgh Pirates, Sean Rodriguez and The MLBPA have declined to comment on the situation. A lawyer for The Water Cooler stated that his client, will more than likely press charges and sue for damages.