So on this particular occasion, I decided I was going to make pork and apple in a "one kilo of pork to one apple" ratio. I also stuck some mustard seeds, crushed chili (I'm not one to learn from my mistakes), salt and pepper in there.

Start by dicing your apple up, removing the core. Take the skin off too, while you're at it. It'll only get stuck between your teeth, and once it's in there it's going to bug you for hours. Shove that apple and any spice in a food processor along with a tablespoon or two of your favourite flour. I used almond flour, but you can use whatever suits your own personal preference, hippy allergy*, or even a real condition. The choice is yours!

Get it all blended up nice and coarse. Too fine and you've just got a paste on your hands. It'll work, but where's the fun in textureless food? Stick it in a bowl to one side.

*not an allergy to hippies, but a dislike of certain foods that you'll tell people you're intolerant to regardless of medical evidence