Sinn Fein have rubbished claims that 10% of new entrants to the Civil Service will have to phone in sick in Irish if their proposed Language Act becomes law.

“This is ridiculous,” said Sinn Fein President Gerry Adams. “Even fluent speakers like me can’t say diarrhoea in Irish, and I am famous for my ability to talk shite. Obviously the 3000 new Irish speaking civil servants (which we aren’t demanding) will be able to phone in using English, just like the lesser mortals.”

Despite his claims, we thought it’d be useful for the Ulster Fry to come up with a few handy phrases to help new recruits get around the proposed “Gaelige Sickie Act”. Obviously we had to use Google Translate, so apologies to anyone whose Irish skills are better than Gerry’s.

Tá an shite ag rith amach glan dom: The shite is running clean out of me.

Na snatters ag tripping mé, ionas go bhfuil siad: The snatters are tripping me, so they are.

Ní raibh tú a fheiceáil dom sa teach tábhairne, caithfidh sé a bheith ar mo cúpla: You did not see me the pub, it must have been my twin.

Casacht, casacht: Cough, Cough.

Caithfidh sé a bheith rud éigin a ith mé: It must have been something I ate.

Mo sheanmháthair fuair bás: My Granny died.

Cad atá i gceist agat, Sin mo thríú granny i mí?: What do you mean, that’s my third granny in a month?

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