In 1990, shortly before a CERN physicist subverted gender and science stereotypes by adapting Alice in Wonderland as an allegory in quantum mechanics, a different type of delightful subversion was afoot at the famed European Organization for Nuclear Research, now home to the Large Hadron Collider: Michele Muller, a former British model and actor working as a 3D graphic designer for a virtual reality project at CERN, was dating CERN computer scientist Silvano de Gennaro and found herself frustrated with her boyfriend’s seemingly unending shifts. Rather than fight over it, the two decided to have some fun with the relationship sticking point — Michele set her frustrations to song, asking Silvano to write some music that she would perform at the CERN Hardronic Festival. The song “Collider” was born — a humorous homage to the lonely nights and perpetual perils of a scientist’s lover that went a little something like, “I gave you a golden ring to show you my love / You went to stick it in a printed circuit / To fix a voltage leak in your collector / You plug my feelings into your detector.” The song was a hit, which led Muller to recruit a couple of her girlfriends and form Les Horribles Cernettes — a parody doo-wop band that dubbed itself “the one and only High Energy Rock Band” and sang love songs about colliders, quarks, liquid nitrogen, microwaves, and antimatter in ’60s-inspired outfits.

Sir Tim Berners-Lee, founding father of the World Wide Web, was working at CERN at the time and had taken a liking to Les Horribles Cernettes’ irreverent odes to science. According to De Genarro, Berners-Lee asked him for a few scanned photos of the band to put on “some sort of information system he had just invented, called the ‘World Wide Web.'”

On July 18, 1992, this photograph of the band — comprised, at that point, of Michele Muller, Colette Marx-Nielsen, Angela Higney, and Lynn Veronneau — became the very first image uploaded to the web.

Oh, and they were actually very, very good. After a dogged dig through various corners of CERN’s web archives, which seem charmingly unchanged since the ’90s, I excavated a few of Les Horribles Cernettes’ songs — please enjoy:

COLLIDER You say you love me but you never beep me

You always promise but you never date me

I try to fax but it’s busy, always

I try the network but you crash the gateways

You never spend your nights with me

You don’t go out with other girls either

You only love your collider I fill your screen with hearts and roses

I fill your mail file with lovely phrases

They all come back: “invalid user”

You never let me into your computer

You never spend your nights with me

You don’t go out with other girls either

You prefer your collider I gave you a golden ring to show you my love

You went to stick it in a printed circuit

To fix a voltage leak in your collector

You plug my feelings into your detector

You never spend your nights with me

You don’t go out with other girls either

You prefer your collider

You only love your collider

Your collider

STRONG INTERACTION You quark me up

You quark me down

You quark me top

You quark me bottom You quark me up (yeah yeah, I feel your charm)

You quark me down (tau tau, I feel so strange)

You quark me top (go go on hypercharge)

You quark me bottom (shoot shoot on isospin) You spin me ’round ’round ’round ’round yeah

You spin me ’round ’round ’round ’round yeah

You spin me ’round ’round ’round ’round yeah

You spin me ’round ’round ’round ’round yeah

I feel your attraction

It’s a strong interaction

DADDY’S LAB My daddy has a lab in the Confederation

He told me “come around for your summer vacation”

Now I know lots of guys go there to study matter

I’m gonna find that sweet one

And teach him more

Much more than daddy knows I’m gonna have some fun (in daddy’s lab)

pushing all the buttons (in daddy’s lab)

I’m gonna be a star (in daddy’s lab)

breaking all the hearts (in daddy’s lab)

I’m gonna go to play at hunting zed-zeros

mess around with the quarks

scatter protons all over

and hide with you behind the racks Don’t wanna visit Rome, don’t wanna die in Venice

Don’t care for Wimbledon, and all the stars of tennis

I only like those guys who live to study matter

I’m gonna find my sweet one

And teach him more

Much more than daddy knows I’m gonna have some fun…

LIQUID NITROGEN You poured liquid nitrogen down my spine

as you told me you didn’t love me anymore

and run off with the girl next door

You poured liquid nitrogen in my heart

and you told me it wouldn’t hurt, what a liar

You promised you’d always be true You said you’d be mine 12 months a year, 24 hours a day

You said I’d be yours each week my dear, until the end of time

But then you found her and you left me here

To cry and to run of tears

And now here I wait 12 months a year

But I’m hoping one day you’ll come back and stay You poured… You said you’d be mine forever and ever, 5040 minutes a week

Except Christmas Day ’cause you go see your mother

(That’s) 2800 less divided by 2

You said I’d be yours 30,240,000 seconds a year

Including leap years, which means 86,400 extra every four You poured… You said you’d be mine 3600 seconds an hour every day

Which in milliseconds that’s 43,200 times 10 to the 3rd

You said I’d be yours 24 hours a day,

integrating until the end of time.

Now in nanoseconds that’s just the square root

of 2670 billion times 10 to 90 divided by two

ANTIWORLD He was sitting there, floating in the air

Alone on a cloud, sparkling all around

He went “pop” when he saw me

With those magnetic eyes

My heart stopped when I saw him

I just couldn’t breathe any more He stood up and he walked on the air

And sparkling away headed up to me

With a smile on his face he said “come on hon”

Then we jumped in hyperspace

And inversed my polarity Said I’m an anti-man

Live in an anti-world

I’ve got an anti-dog

Would you be, would you be my anti-girl He took me back to his anti-car

And drove me home, I mean anti-home

Then he kissed me so sweetly all night long

And he took me completely

To a different world Then he kissed me so sweetly all night long

And he took me completely

To a different world He was an anti-man

Lived in an anti-world

He had an anti-dog

Would I be, would I be his anti-girl I said yes, yes, yes, oh really yes!

Yeah yeah yeah, I mean anti-yes!

Now I walk ever so smoothly

Floating in the air

And I look ever so sparkly

Sitting alone on my cloud Because I’m an anti-girl

Live in an anti-world

I’ve got an anti-cat

And I love, and I love my anti-man Oh yes I’m an anti-girl

Live in an anti-world

I’ve got an anti-cat

And I love, and I love my anti-man ’Cause I’m an anti-girl

Live in an anti-world

I love my anti-man

yes I’m an anti-girl

I love my anti-man

And if there were any doubt as to whether this love story was a winner from the get-go, it’s worth noting that Michele Muller is now Michele de Genarro.

Thanks, Paola