NEILL COLLINS left Second Division Dumbarton to join Sunderland when he was just 20 years old.

Here the Tampa Bay Rowdies star, 33, tells GARETH LAW how he once called the manager who signed him Big Nose on the team bus.

4 Former Dumbarton kid Neill Collins is living it up with Tampa Bay Rowdies

He also reveals the team-mate who turned up to a Christmas party looking like a Zulu warrior — only to discover it wasn’t a fancy dress night.

AYE TO A KILLIE PIE. Tell us about your love for your local team. I started watching Kilmarnock when they were in the Second Division. My dad and I never missed a game. There were far more downs than ups. Seeing Tommy Burns lead us to promotion was one of my best memories. Getting released from Killie at 14 was heartbreaking but it made me determined to have a career in the game and prove them wrong. I would have loved to have pulled on the shirt but it wasn’t to be. Hopefully one day I get the chance to manage them.

BLACK CATS. How big a leap was it going from Dumbarton to Sunderland? The biggest eye-opener was the difference in upper-body strength. I was coming up against players like Ade Akinbiyi and Brian Deane. I was built like the side of a fiver and had to bulk up.

COLE. What’s it like playing with Joe at Tampa Bay? From the minute he walked in, he was a breath of fresh air. He can still produce magic. After his first goal, the ref even high-fived him on the way off at half-time. A top player and a top man.

4 Collins is in the A to Z hotseat this week

DRESSING DOWN. What team-talk sticks out? I was 17 playing for Queen’s Park reserves at Clyde. Assistant boss Davie Hunter tried to prepare us with a few key points starting with C. They included “being confident, composed, cohesive, committed” before the final and most important C — “kicking c***s”. We were 5-0 down at half-time. Not a classic.

EGG ON YOUR FACE. Most embarrassing moment? I like to be last out the dressing room before a game. At Peterhead with Queen’s Park we were queued up when I decided to jump up for a pretend header. I hadn’t seen the steel girder on the ceiling. I nutted it full on. The whole team turned round to see me lying flat out on the floor. I was seeing double for the first 15 minutes.

FLARES. Who’s got the worst dress sense? Steve Simonsen didn’t realise just because it was Armani it didn’t mean it looked good. An American guy at Tampa Bay called Tommy Heinemann would get ripped to shreds in a British dressing room. On game day, he wears brown dress shoes that look like bowling shoes. I gave him some stick but he told me he loved them.

GAFFER. Still see yourself as a boss one day? I’d love the chance to be a manager. I’ve got my A and B licence. I’ve learned a lot from some good managers but I’ve also seen how not to do things from others. The fans would sometimes despair if they knew what went on behind the scenes.

HOOK, LINE AND SINKER. Best practical joke you’ve seen? At Sunderland Chris Brown wrote a letter to the club pretending to be a fan saying how excited he’d been bumping into club captain Dean Whitehead, who was out walking his dog. That was until Deano’s dog did the toilet right in front of him and Deano never cleaned up. Caretaker boss Kevin Ball called a team meeting, read out the letter and told everyone to remember they were always representing the club.

IRATE. Biggest rant? My first manager in senior football was John McCormack. He could lose it, especially with me. One night at Montrose, I gave away two penalties and got sent off. The kitman came into the dressing room to warn me I was going to get a bollocking. Cowboy sure lost his rag. Every manager since has been tame in comparison.

JAMIE NESS. Did you really once babysit him? Jamie played for my dad John’s football team from about six and lived around the corner in Troon. I’d sometimes watch him and his brother Gregor.

4 Neill used to look after ex-Rangers kid Jamie Ness

KING OF COMEDY. Who’s the funniest player you’ve played with? Big John Wight at Dumbarton had me in stitches with his one-liners. At Wolves Graham Stack would beat lads at table tennis with a frying pan and once saved a penalty from Charlie Mulgrew while facing the opposite way.

LOVE TO HATE. What do you dislike? I couldn’t stand it when Ayr beat Killie. It didn’t happen too often. I played them twice and we won both games. Their fans knew who I supported, though. One night at Somerset Park I was treated to a rendition of “Dirty Killie b*****d”. I had the last laugh when Stevie Bonar scored a last-minute winner.

MICK McCARTHY. Massive influence? Other than my dad, my biggest influence. He signed me for Sunderland, then gave me my full debut three weeks later and worked extra hard with me. He turned me into a Championship defender. He’s honest, passionate and upfront.

NUT JOB. Who’s the most bonkers player you’ve come across? Andy Hughes at Leeds was a one-off. On my first away trip with Leeds, he went down the front of the bus and put on a DVD of all his goals at Reading and Notts County, while commentating on each one.

OH NO! What’s made you cringe? While playing for Dumbarton, David Winnie named the team and the bench and Neil Scally hadn’t made the 16. Scalls got up to leave before the manager had finished speaking. The manager told him to sit down but he headed for the door. He didn’t know the kitman had locked it, so had to turn around and sit down. If there was a big hole, I am sure Scalls would have jumped in it.

PLUMBER. Ever had any other jobs? I worked for Safeway so I could go on holiday to Magaluf when I was 17.

QUIVERING WRECK. What’s been your most nerve-racking experience? At Wolves Jackie McNamara introduced a game he’d played at Celtic while we sat on the team bus waiting on the management staff after a game. Everyone had an allotted minute where if the manager got on, they had to shout something at him. One day the shout to Mick McCarthy was “Hurry up Big Nose”. He got on just as the clock turned to my slot. I was sweating as I shouted it — and quickly apologised. The lads slaughtered me but it saved me a fine.

ROWDY. What’s life like in Tampa? It’s totally different to what I’ve been used to. Training in the most beautiful weather in downtown St Pete’s is a far cry from freezing my wotsits off at Shirecliff in Sheffield. My family enjoy the lifestyle too.

SNODDY. Tell us a story. Robert Snodgrass was my room-mate at Leeds. When we were bored, we’d do prank calls. He caught out so many people including Jimmy Bullard, Frank McAvennie and Mark McGhee. Once we were looking on Auto Trader and someone was selling a Q7 with half of it smashed to pieces. Snodds phoned the guy to tell him it was a disgrace he was selling half a car and he would only give him half the asking price. The next day the car had been reduced by £5k.

4 Hull City and Scotland star Robert Snodgrass used to be Neills room-mate at Leeds United

THE ROCK. What was it like playing there? The conditions could be brutal. We were 3-0 up against Berwick one day with a gale force wind behind us and there was driving sleet. The ref took us off and Craig Brittain sat in the dressing room saying he wanted it called off. When we went back out he had two jumpers on underneath his strip.

UNDERWEAR ON THE FLOOR. Who’s got the worst habits in football? John Parkin always had a snus teabag inside his upper lip. When he finished, he’d just throw it anywhere.

VOLVO. Remember your first car? Mum and Dad got me a Nissan Micra one Christmas. I got dog’s abuse as the lads thought it was hilarious seeing this 6ft 3in defender crammed into this tiny car.

WOW. Ever been starstruck? Growing up, I loved Roy Keane. When he became my boss at Sunderland, it was surreal. After two weeks in charge, I had to go and see him as he had made a raft of signings and it looked like he was leaving me out. I was petrified but he made me feel a million dollars.

XMAS BASH. What’s the most memorable you’ve had? At Wolves we flew to Glasgow for the weekend. Saturday was a night out in your best gear followed by fancy dress on Sunday. After arriving, we met in the hotel bar. Something must have been lost in translation as Seyi Olofinjana came out the lift in full tribal gear dressed as a Zulu warrior.

YUCK. Who’s the worst cook in football? I used to live with Iain Russell when we were at Dumbarton. I hope he’s upped his game on pasta or chicken nuggets.

Zzzzzz. Whose patter sends you to sleep? Craig McKeown. Top lad but he’d send a glass eye to sleep.