FERGUSON, Mo.–Americans around the nation were shocked by images of rioting in Ferguson, following the news that the police officer who shot and killed an unarmed black teenager would not be indicted.

“I mean, if the Rams had just won the Super Bowl, or even a major division game, I think it would all be cool,” said Dave Wilcox from Dallas. “But the fact that they’re rioting because of systematic discrimination at all levels of society and government stretching back for decades? Who do they think they are?”

Alice Horsley of Miami said that “I torched a couple of cars each time the Heat brought home the trophy. But there’s just no excuse for this kind of disorder.”

Major media outlets covered the riots in loving detail, searching for good footage of burning cars and working hard to talk about the residents of Ferguson without saying anything overtly racist.

President Obama went on television to address the nation. He noted that many people have legitimate grievances, and proposed a bargain in which all the rioters would go home, and in return nothing else would change.

At first, it looked like these youths were tearing apart the fabric of our society, but it turned out that they were just excited about the MLS playoffs