If you didn't have any strong opinions on species of fox, get ready to have some.

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Twitter user Colin J Carlson was plagued by insomnia on Saturday, and he had a novel solution to the crisis.

in the face of insomnia i will attempt to assign letter grades to the weird foxes. please stand by and watch this space for weird fox letter grades,, thank you — Colin J Carlson (@ColinJCarlson) November 12, 2017

a disclaimer before i begin: i am not a fox expert nor do i know things about foxes. please correct me if i am wrong. however the letter grades will not be wrong. this is the definitive ranking — Colin J Carlson (@ColinJCarlson) November 12, 2017

Take it away Colin. He starts out with the basics.

red fox (vulpes vulpes)

• the classic fox, the bar for foxness, a necessary prerequisite

• a good fox but NOT weird. weird-deficient. just a standard fox

• grade: B pic.twitter.com/FlZJlPA2lS — Colin J Carlson (@ColinJCarlson) November 12, 2017

Next up was a top notch fox.

tibetan sand fox (vulpes ferrilata)

• cubism is alive and well

• these eyes see into your soul

• a truly weird and unnerving fox design

• grade: A pic.twitter.com/rZMyh8zdlI — Colin J Carlson (@ColinJCarlson) November 12, 2017

Then came a very slinky fox.

Rüppell's fox (vulpes rueppellii)

• who authorized this transaction

• answers the question no one asked: what if a fox was made of spaghetti

• untrustworthy facial expressions

• potentially too deep in uncanny valley

• grade A- pic.twitter.com/Av410apcqr — Colin J Carlson (@ColinJCarlson) November 12, 2017

He really liked the corsac fox.

corsac fox (vulpes corsac)

• when soft: god's perfect fox. the highest fox design. too good.

• when pointy and not soft: uncanny, weird eyes, harrowing stare

• grade: A+ pic.twitter.com/rFX8QUyeUC — Colin J Carlson (@ColinJCarlson) November 12, 2017

And Blanford's fox's big bushy tail got it points.

blanford's fox (vulpes cana)

• astounding ear:face:tail ratios at play

• strongly deviant from the main fox gestalt, doing its own thing

• lawful good, trustworthy face

• grade: A pic.twitter.com/afN54MVjdB — Colin J Carlson (@ColinJCarlson) November 12, 2017

The kit fox however was pretty sub-par by his estimation.

kit fox (vulpes macrotis)

• i'll say it: they're trying too hard to be cute

• neither fox enough nor weird enough

• i'm making the unpopular call and taking a stand

• grade: C pic.twitter.com/eH684SfdC2 — Colin J Carlson (@ColinJCarlson) November 12, 2017

Luckily the bat-eared fox brought its A++ game.

bat-eared fox (otocyon megalotis)

• a return to weird fox form

• arguably the perfect deviant fox bauplane, doing it's own thing

• this fox answers to no one

• ears full of secrets?

• grade: A++. i will not be negotiated down from this. pic.twitter.com/gOOAXagm0F — Colin J Carlson (@ColinJCarlson) November 12, 2017

The fennec fox wasn't quite as ace but still pretty cool.

fennec fox (vulpes zerda)

• best latin name

• overhyped for cuteness

• clear and relatable attitude problem

• not even trying to be a fox anymore but still very foxy

• grade: B+ pic.twitter.com/PT6rZShiNc — Colin J Carlson (@ColinJCarlson) November 12, 2017

Even the crab-eating fox got a look-in.

crab eating fox (cerdocyon thous)

• almost but not entirely unlike a fox

• crab eating, as a fox-deviant motif: rebellious

• sort of like a dog conceptually but not in practice

• could improve with a couple rounds of constructive criticism

• grade: B+ pic.twitter.com/k9AQEsvpXJ — Colin J Carlson (@ColinJCarlson) November 12, 2017

Finally it was the arctic fox's turn, and then 'twas the end of fox grade.

arctic fox (vulpes lagopus)

• clearly a soft boy and a very fox aesthetic

• here's the thing. it's trying too hard. it's playing you

• at the end of the day: this is just a desaturated fox

• good, a classic, but frankly unoriginal

• grade: B- pic.twitter.com/JEf5X0Zvrj — Colin J Carlson (@ColinJCarlson) November 12, 2017

this is all of the fucked up fox's i know of; thanks pic.twitter.com/JzqON8GVnh — Colin J Carlson (@ColinJCarlson) November 12, 2017

Carlson did a couple "bonus rounds" and even reviewed a wolf.

my notifications are 100% broken but by appeal from @TakimotoYama



bonus round #4: maned wolf (chrysocyon brachyurus)

• not a fox

• clearly wants to be a fox

• you know something. you know what. why's it so god damn tall

• i can't tell if it's photoshopped

• grade: A- pic.twitter.com/1k3QHGRmGC — Colin J Carlson (@ColinJCarlson) November 12, 2017

Hats off to you Colin for dealing with your insomnia by educating us all about foxes. You are a god among foxes.