The principal at Lincoln High, an "alternative" school in Walla Walla, WA that was used as a dumping ground for kids with "behavioral" problems, decided to ditch the "zero-tolerance" approach to school discipline. Instead, Jim Sporleder tried treating traumatized, furious kids with compassion and understanding. Their behavior improved dramatically.

2009-2010 (Before new approach)

* 798 suspensions (days students were out of school)

* 50 expulsions

* 600 written referrals

2010-2011 (After new approach)

* 135 suspensions (days students were out of school)

* 30 expulsions

* 320 written referrals

…These suspensions don't work for schools. Get rid of the "bad" students, and the "good" students can learn, get high scores, live good lives. That's the myth. The reality? It's just the opposite. Says the NEPC report: "…research on the frequent use of school suspension has indicated that, after race and poverty are controlled for, higher rates of out-of-school suspension correlate with lower achievement scores."

There are just two simple rules, says Turner.

Rule No. 1: Take nothing a raging kid says personally. Really. Act like a duck: let the words roll off your back like drops of water.

Rule No. 2: Don't mirror the kid's behavior. Take a deep breath. Wait for the storm to pass, and then ask something along the lines of: "Are you okay? Did something happen to you that's bothering you? Do you want to talk about it?"

It's not that a kid gets off the hook for bad behavior. "There have to be consequences," explains Turner. Replace punishment, which doesn't work, with a system to give kids tools so that they can learn how to recognize their reaction to stress and to control it. "We need to teach the kids how to do something differently if we want to see a different response."