TRUMP GETS INTO TROUBLE AFTER HIRING PEOPLE WHO ARE ONLY TECHNICALLY LAWYERS FOR LAWYERING

From The Editors Desk of MR. MCGEEHAN:

Jesus Christmas, this is a mess. Have you seen what’s going on with this Michael Cohen and Giuliani thing? No? Well here’s a quick run down:

Michael Cohen is one of Donald Trumps lovely lawyers. In particular he’s involved with the Stormy Daniels thing. Basically, Trump totally didn’t sleep with a porn star and then pay them off. That’s embarrassing in it of itself but then trump hires a new lawyer Rudy Shittitani and that guy tries to not fuck up. Like that’s his point as a lawyer. To not fuck up. But he can’t not fuck up, so he maybe accidentally incriminates his client by contradicting his explanations of how Stormy Daniels was paid off. Oops. Rudy tries to retract everything in a way that doesn’t make sense. It’s like Schrödinger’s cat. Maybe the payment came from Cohen, maybe it came from Trump, and maybe it’s Maybelline. Who knows? But wait! There’s more! So Rudy’s Law firm was like, “Fuck this shit, we’re out”, made him resign, and then claimed everything Giuliani said was full of shit.

But then things turned a corner for Mr. Cohen. He’s been doing very well consulting corporations in a variety of different fields. Specifically he made $600,000 from AT&T offering some kind of service I guess? He also did some ‘work’ for a pharmaceutical company called Novartis. This one makes sense since it relates to his previous experience buying of health care insurance for his workers at his taxi company.

So there you have it: Porn stars, Mysterious payments, Contradictions by lawyers, and a shit ton of money for ‘consulting’.

Things are fucked.