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Photo: Fatburger

"Bacon is having its moment" was a sentence written in a peculiar new report from the smart folks at Bloomberg, which made me pull out my iPhone to re-confirm at a glance that it is, indeed, the year 2015. The article is about bacon’s exploding popularity thanks to cheap pork prices and the Paleo diet, which, er, I dunno. Are people really still fanatical about bacon? Is that a thing? Wasn’t bacon’s heyday pre-Cronut? Or, like, when people went to Pinkberry? (Lolol.) I can’t even tell anymore! Time is a flat circle written in Yelp poetry.

The report opens with an anecdote from beloved L.A.-based burger chain Fatburger, which has been serving this bacon-y off-the-menu secret for a few years now. (At least since 2009, per this ancient CNN article that appears to have been created with an AIM SubProfile maker.) A Fatburger representative tells me it’s basically a veggie patty dressed up like a normal burger but decorated with two strips of crispy bacon. It’s called the Hypocrite Burger.

Upon learning of the Hypocrite’s existence, my fingers reflectively command+T’d a new tab and hammered out the Google terms "fatburger new york." When I regained consciousness, my brain dismissed the nearest Fatburger location on 34th street as too far, but I swore to try one should the occasion arise. Maybe at an airport or something.

I mean, look at this thing. ENHANCE:

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LOOK AT THESE COMPONENTS. THEY DO NOT MAKE ANY SENSE. ARE THOSE TWO CHEESES? IS THAT HAND-TORN LETTUCE? THIS IS THE BEST THE HYPOCRITE BURGER WILL AND COULD EVER LOOK.

I would like to try it. Have you? Tell me everything you know about the Hypocrite Burger.