Have you seen these fire hazards known as “The Amazing Happy Birthday Candle?”

Easily found on the Internet and evidently legal and available in the United States (via Amazon and other websites), these candles have been popular in mainland China and other parts of Asia before making their way here.

Over the weekend, Taiwanese pop star Amber Ann (安心亞) posted a video of herself lighting the candle (and I presume screaming for her life):

I know I am a total fuddy-duddy by being all “safety first” about these things, but seriously, do these things LOOK like they’re safe to light in your home?

First, you light it and it shoots a FIREWORK in the air.

Then, presuming it works correctly and doesn’t immediately fall over and set your table on fire, it opens up and spins while playing the “Happy Birthday” song (although the song can supposedly be disabled for non-birthday uses).

Do you feel safe blowing out the candles on this thing?

I wouldn’t because I already have visions of my hair igniting if I leaned in and the flames spun into my hair.

And, according to Chinese language news reports, a 7 year-old kid in China lost an eye when the candle exploded in his face in June. (Yes, this really happened.) The news report says that basically, the battery overheated (when the flame hit it) and exploded. Lovely.

So if you don’t extinguish the candles fast enough, not only could the flower melt (and start a fire), but it could also BLOW UP IN YOUR FACE AND MAKE YOU BLIND.

Please parents, don’t get any ideas about buying this for your kids for birthdays or the holidays. It would give new meaning to “you’ll shoot your eye out.”

(This has been a public service announcement from jozjozjoz.)