DRAGONS’ Den entrepreneur Levi Roots has announced a new condiment inspired by obscure early 80s experimental rock music.

Roots claimed: “Just as my first creation captured the exotic flavour of the Caribbean, my new Post-Punk Post-Punk Sauce harnesses the industrial bleakness of the English north under Thatcher. It contains steel, coal, cheap cider and a dash of black eyeliner.

“For this sauce I have recorded a doomy, eight-minute existential epic built around ominous synth chords and a single, sinister bass note repeated mechanically throughout.

“The lyrics will be taken from an unpublished HP Lovecraft short story from 1919.”

He added: “This summer, be sure to look out for my Minimal House Minimal House Salad Dressing. It’s the taste of 48 hour benders.”