NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Calling it a story “too hot for the other cable-news networks to handle,” Fox News Channel announced on Tuesday that it would begin airing twenty-four-hour coverage of Bill Clinton’s 1998–99 impeachment.

Fox anchor Sean Hannity announced the programming change, telling viewers that Fox would devote all its resources to reporting the Clinton impeachment to the exclusion of all other news stories.

“This story has everything: sex, lies, and misdeeds at the highest levels of our government,” Hannity said. “We are planning to flood the zone to bring it to you.”

Calling it “the story Bill and Hillary Clinton don’t want you to hear,” Hannity said Fox would be unstinting in its effort to get to the bottom of the impeachment.

“For years, this hushed-up chapter of our history has been shrouded in silence,” Hannity said. “That silence ends today.”