Dear minions,

Never have intercourse outside an evil overlords window if you know what’s good for you…

But what if my girlfriend really likes rooftops?

Hey man, if you’re into banging on rooftops, by all means, bang away…

… just do it on your own damn roof!!!

Nobody wants to look out their window and see a bunch of raccoon’s making a mess of the place.

But what if my girlfriend isn’t a raccoon?!

Listen, this is a universal principle. It doesn’t only apply to raccoon’s…

Minions must always take reasonable measures to ensure coitus and cuddles occur on their own damn roofs.

Otherwise…

You’re going to end up dead.

What? You’re going to kill me just for banging my girlfriend on your roof? That’s harsh.

No you idiot, you’re going to fall off the roof.

If you want to conquer the world, you need to learn to use that lump of meat inside your head, not the lump of meat inside your pants.

Do you know how many people plummet to their deaths every year because they decided to have sex on a rooftop? At least two.

I don’t have time to scrape you off my driveway.

I don’t need to be questioned by the police about why my rooftop is some sort of brothel.

Go have sex in some bushes like a normal raccoon.

I told you, my girlfriend isn’t a raccoon…

And I told you to get off my roof!

Although, since you were up there…

Did you happen to notice who keeps planting potatoes on my lawn?!

Because seriously, there’s nothing worse than finding a bunch of potatoes growing all over your yard…

Well, except for maybe finding some raccoon’s having sex on your roof, that sucks too. What the hell is going on, maybe this really is the end of the world.