One year ago today, I received an email that changed my life. I remember the adrenaline based, chemical cocktail flooding into my bloodstream, my sweaty palms, the butterfly feeling in my stomach—knowing full well that I had come to a proverbial fork in my life’s road without a clear idea of which path to choose.

This email forced me to make a decision, and I knew in order to make the right one, I had to venture to a place I avoided and didn’t want to visit. I needed to dive deep down inside my soul, into my inner “Self.” I had to go to a space without bias, where the walls are made of mirrors and I could be honest with myself. To take off all disguises that I wore for the world, to look at my true form and spirit.

I avoided this place for over a decade since my parents divorced. But I realized on that particular day, the escape was over and that time had grown tired of my reprieve.

I got up from my desk chair and started pacing a 2 square meter space in my bedroom.

“Well, now its real,” I thought. “You asked for this,” I continued.

Shuffling through questions in my mind, I sat back down and read the email again as if I was expecting to find a different message. The words were the same and I accepted there was no way to avoid this eventual decision that I would have to make.

I sat alone in my room thinking of all the people with whom I would seek counsel on this decision. But I remember an incredible feeling of aloneness upon realizing that even the wisest person I knew could not make the decision for me.

I just wanted someone to make it easier for me. I wanted to avoid that pain.

Up until that point in my life, I had done things pretty much the way the world expected. I had lived a pretty average life in an average city, working an average job. But this is exactly what lead to my ire. I am not average, I do not want a life the world expects me to lead, and I don’t want a traditional job. Mediocrity is only for the fearful.

Part of my heart was oozing with excitement over the possibilities for the future. But my elation didn’t last as my brain was quick to clean up the mess with a mop and bucket of perspective and doubt.

A few days passed and reality rooted itself in my thoughts. I had two options. I could reject what I read in the email and try to continue living my life the way I had been, resisting the urge to question, “What if?” The other choice involved quitting my job, selling my belongings, moving away from friends and family to start a new life in a foreign country.

I made my rounds and discussed the options with people that I thought had my best interest at heart. The conversations were deep and expressive but always ended in my disappointment as I was not navigating towards a decision. As I spoke to my confidants, I sandwiched hidden pleas between sentences in hopes that one would just say with certainty, “Luke, you should go” or “It is the right decision to stay.”

I wanted someone to make my decision for me. I wanted to continue avoiding the pain of making decisions that led anywhere other than an average outcome. I wanted someone to blame when I felt upset and discouraged with my lack of progress or when I failed.

The email I received was an acceptance letter to a first generation entrepreneurship program being held in Santiago, Chile called Exosphere. It was a three month commitment but I was investing my future on this decision. If I were to do it, I was going to go for it and not look back.

Grace Examined

Along with love, discipline, and spiritual growth, author Scott Peck explains grace in his book A Road Less Traveled. To summarize, he believes grace is a strong force originating outside human consciousness that nurtures spiritual growth in human beings.

It is grace that was drawing me to Exosphere. From the first time I read the website, I had an unexplainable feeling that I was supposed to be a part of whatever they were building. I had learned about numerous other programs around the world, but somehow this was different. I knew that I would get accepted and I knew that I had to go. This is why I struggled so mightily with the decision.

If I decided to stay home, I felt as if I would be rejecting a power or force that was guiding and leading me to a newly opened door. If I decided to go, I would be doing something that many, including myself, considered crazy. I was frightened by the idea of taking control of my life. I was even more frightened that it was almost fully based on faith.

Your Call

There is a point in all of our respective lives when we get chances to follow this invisible rope into the unknown. We have an unexplainable feeling that is pulling and tugging at our hearts to initiate some sort of action. We question its validity and, most of the time, are quick to dismiss it. It’s not that we assume it is a fake feeling or a fluke. We dismiss it because this feeling almost always requires us to walk down a path and venture outside our comfort zones. Unfortunately, as we reject these invitations towards new outcomes, our shackles are tightened and the walls of our little cell where we feel safe and comfortable are built higher, making a future escape ever more challenging.

Circumstances hardly ever line up perfectly. I had a lot of tough choices to make, and I knew this road was going to be a real struggle. But sometimes this gut feeling, this intuition, or what Peck called grace, is what you have to follow.

It would have been so much easier to continue on the path I was walking. I could have continued lying to myself, letting my ego reassure my heart that things were fine and that I enjoyed what I was doing and where I was going. Ignorance is bliss, right?

No, it’s not. Ignorance is a lack of knowledge or information. I had all the information I needed to make this choice, but I was refusing to accept responsibility for the decision.

We are all cowards to some degree. We lack the courage to do or endure unpleasant things.

Standing On My Own Two Feet

Nearly three weeks after I received that email, I called Skinner Layne, the founder of Exosphere, and told him I would be attending the program. As I hung up the phone I felt like a King with low self esteem. I was proud of myself and excited for doing what I thought was best for my life. But I was frightened by the uncertainty and challenge that laid ahead. I second guessed my decision up until the second week I was in Chile.

During the last year, at times I have felt more lost and alone than ever before in my life. I have felt new pains and stressors that I didn’t know I could feel. But just like all waves, emotions, whether positive or negative, pass and new feelings come in. I have scratched my fingertips upon clouds I never thought I would reach. I have faced fears and openly spoken about dark places of my heart previously forgotten even by myself. I have begun the healing process of scar tissue that limited my movement for much of my life. I can feel my capacity for love growing and I am giving it without fear or expectation of reciprocity.

I am working with the founders of Exosphere on the continual development and improvement of the entire experience. I also have personal business projects that I am pursuing. I have been in Brazil for the last 4 weeks working and enjoying the sights and sounds of the World Cup. I have seen many other people go through drastically positive transformations because of the principles and philosophies taught at Exosphere.

In fact, the website in which this article was first published, called Scribe, is a product of Exosphere participants. Real people are growing, real businesses are being created, and real impact is happening. I would have no idea about any of this if I had rejected this road that was luring me to venture down it.

If Not Now, When?

You may be asking, “Ok, Luke, so what is the point of all of this?” Well, to that I would say having a meaningful life depends on you realizing things don’t get easier. As you go through life, the problems you face will undoubtedly become more difficult. That means the problems will be more complex and require more pain in attempting to solve them.

The only thing that makes sense is to grow with your problems. While the depth and complexity of your problems grow, your ability to solve these problems and your willingness to accept the pain and suffering of solving the problems must also grow.

You can start today, by solving the problems you face right now. Do this everyday, do not let any slip between the cracks of laziness. You can change by yourself but it is easier with a group of people committed to changing together.

Be aware of that invisible force that seems to be drawing you away from average and down the difficult path. If you keep doing the same things over and over, always reverting to the easiest choice, you will be doomed to a life of average disdain, living a life of quiet desperation.

If you want to start walking down the road less traveled, come to Exosphere. I promise it won’t be an easy process, you may even cry. But if you want to align your career with your true calling and start having a meaningful life, I recommend you check it out.

Dedicated to all those who find the courage to face their aloneness, embrace the necessary pain, and do not find contentment in an average life.

Good things to come,

Luke Blackburn

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