Demmy May 20, 2001

Dutchman & McNutty:

Putting bitches (and stray cats) in their place since '02





MY GOD YES!! Why is there porno in the woods?? It must be the Porn Fairy or some other mythological porn-giving creature.



Another time, when I was 12, I was walking by this cow-farm that's near my house, and I notice a page of a magazine sticking out of this rock wall. A dirty magazine. I removed the rocks, and imbedded throughout this wall were about 20-30 Hustlers. I guess the farmer who made the wall needed some filler, and couldn't afford cement. Although Hustlers probably cost more than cement. He was a weird guy. After he died, and the farm was up for sale, some of my friends were running around through the pasture and cow-crap, why I don't know, and found a big metal box half-buried. It was FILLED with sticks of dynamite. The fire department came by with a truck and hosed down the box for I think it was 3 hours, and then burned it. Not before my cousin stole a stick. On a related note, he lost it when he was building his tree-house.



Another time, when I was 14, I was at my cousin's house, and we were playing Magic: The Gathering. I dropped a card under his bed. When I crawled underneath to get it out, there was a virtual Pornocopeoia falling out of his porn-stuffed mattress. There were several tapes, all but one of which were weird German porn and one was the ever persued "Animal Farm". Also, there was a bottle of baby oil. It was 3/4 empty. I asked him why it was under there to which he responded "one of the kids was, uh, trying to drink it, so I, uh, kicked it into the room and it must have went under there....yeah...." (his mom babysat a bunch of kids during the day).

I stopped going to my cousin's house the next day when I found him passed out on his bed with porn all the place, in only his boxers and plaid socks, holding a bottle of baby oil in his hand and one of those grenade water balloons inflated and tied around his, now purple, index finger. If I didn't find him and scream when I saw this strange sight, he would have had to get his finger amputated. Because I saved his finger, I felt he owed me an explanation and asked him why the hell he had it tied there in the first place. His response "Oh, I thought it would be cool to have a grenade water balloon tied to my finger while I beat off, then I guess I fell asleep afterwards." My cousin was a weird guy.... Demmy fucked around with this message at 07:50 on Jun 14, 2002