Continue Reading Below Advertisement

Do you have a friend who's generally amusing, but at his/her worst has the tendency to get drunk and wreck your apartment or punch you in the face or reveal all your secrets to your enemies? Or maybe they say the most cutting, damaging things they can think to say. Guess what? That worst-case scenario is a deal breaker. But what if someone else's worst is just some harsh words? Petty bickering. Well, if that's as bad as it gets, maybe they're worthy of a further commitment.

For example, let's say you've made a new friend and you want to get to know them better. Sure, you both love Rush's 2112 and hate Queensryche's Operation: Mindcrime, but are you really meant to be BFFs?

Jupiterimages/BananaStock/Getty Images

You'll find that last sentence and more in Webster's Big Book of Terrible, Esoteric References.

Continue Reading Below Advertisement

Here's what you do. Invite them to lunch and very slowly stab them in the eye with a fork. I mean, wow, that's got to hurt, and holy cow, what kind of a dick would do that? But it's OK. Once the retina is reattached and the searing corneal pain ends, you and your new bud will have moved into a new area of trust and it will be worth it. Actually, that's a terrible idea, but I do know it honestly does say a lot about the content of someone's character if they can still not treat you too terribly when they're under duress, so I stand by my advice.