THE HEAVENS—Saying the additional light source would help soften the often stark look of the earthly realm, God, Our Holy Father, told reporters Monday that He was planning to add a second sun to eliminate some harsh shadows that have been bothering him. “I think just one more sun on the other side of the sky should resolve most of these glare and contrast issues I’m having,” said the Almighty, adding that the second sun need not burn as brightly as the original if it’s only being used as fill. “Maybe I’ll even manifest a third sun, so we can get a nice three-point system going with a backlight as well. I mean, I’d still like to preserve some of the dramatic light-to-dark transitions I’ve got with canyons and mountain ranges, but this extra illumination will really give me much more control overall.” At press time, to help Him regulate the suns and achieve exactly the effects He wanted, the Lord had created two additional moons to serve as reflectors.

Advertisement