Like something from the pages of a Stephanie Meyer novel, (minus the bestiality/sex with non humanoid subplots prepubescent tweens seem to adore/ignore) comes some real life weird zombie-esque escapades.

On September 7, 2012 in Hawley, Pennsylvania a 20-year-old Doylestown man named Richard Cimino Jr. parked his car, stripped naked and proceeded to break into an unoccupied house. After pottering around doing God-knows what, he exited by throwing himself from the second storey window. He sustained severe injuries to his arms and legs (on top of the mental incapacity to make rationale decisions). After the leap, he snuck up on one of two women walking down the street and tackled her. He managed to cover the woman in his blood from his injuries and began to gnaw at her head while screaming like an animal.

The two women escaped and called the police. As police arrived on the scene, the man was lying in the middle of the road acting delusional and displaying confrontational behaviour. Even after a good ‘ol taser, he still had enough energy to punch the EMT who was treating his face. (Enough energy after football tackle, faux attempted suicide/flying attempt from a second storey and attempted cannibalism – all while nude).

The man was charged with aggravated assault, indecent exposure and burglary.

If this is a typical night in Hawley, I obviously studied in the wrong PA town.