The word "university" may intimidate those who have a hard time with expanding their horizons and being exposed to new ideas and perspectives. In the interest of creating a safer, more inclusive culture, we would like to change the name of the UC system to "Daycare of California". This will prevent troublesome, hateful students from claiming that its university status endows the UC system with an obligation to provide its students with a valuable education which will prepare them to take on the real world. We passionately believe that students should feel comfortable at home on campus, and by continuing to lower our intellectual standards, we can provide this comfort to even the most sensitive student. The "Daycare of California" rebrand will reinforce our campus culture, and will encourage students to forego intellectualism, and instead focus on respecting the safe spaces and trigger warnings of their fellow students. Help us make history; your signature will prevent the ableist microaggression that the title of "university" currently imposes on our innocent, intellectually-challenged students.