Last night I took a red-eye from LA to Minneapolis on Sun Country Airlines, a regional carrier. Halfway through the flight, they handed out complimentary hotdogs.

Sun Country Airlines Employee: Boss, I just got a great idea!

Sun Country Airlines CEO: Is it better than the name I came up with for our airline?

Employee: Sun Country Airlines! Nothing is better than that.

CEO: Tell me, who doesn’t love suns? It’s like my head is a goddamn good idea factory.

Employee: Boss, you know how other airlines are charging for food?

CEO: Fuel costs are rising, we have to.

Employee: What if we were the one airline that didn’t? What if we gave away free hotdogs on every flight?

CEO: Even the red-eye’s?

Employee: Especially the red-eye’s! Think about how many times you’ve woken up at 2AM wanting a hotdog.

CEO: Uh, never.

Employee: Really? I can’t go to sleep unless I eat two. What do you do?

CEO: Meh, three fingers of scotch and the company of a prostitute.

Employee: That sounds nice.

CEO: It is. Listen, I appreciate your enthusiasm but I don’t think people want a hotdog on an airplane, especially on a red-eye.

Employee: They will when they smell them wafting through the air. It’s an enclosed metal tube boss, there’s no place for the smell to go!

CEO: See, what you just said right there makes me want to vomit…

The CEO walks over to the window, looks out of it and sighs.

CEO: Johnson you know free hotdogs aren’t free…

The CEO runs his hand over his stomach.

CEO: …you always end up paying for it later.

Employee: Yeah but they don’t know that.

CEO: Are these hotdogs even good?

Employee: Who cares? They’re free!

CEO: So these will be the kind of hotdogs where no matter how long you cook them… they always stay the same color.

Employee: Bingo!

CEO: They look like the skin of a dead person and taste…

The CEO holds his stomach again.

CEO: …like breaded regret.

Employee: If ‘dropping out of high school’ had a taste, these would be it.

CEO: It’s absolutely disgusting, so I’m sure most people will love it. Let’s do it.

The employee nods and exits. The CEO is alone.

CEO: The CEO of Sun fucking Country Airlines has spoken.