One of the mouth-breathing conspiracy theorists at Vice thinks you should boycott the NFL because a couple of NFL employees have had trouble with the law and some of the folks who are paid a great deal of money to play a game that they love of their own free will wind up with brain damage.

The mouthbreather raises a good point! We should hold all of our entertainments to these standards! Indeed, we should boycott all the things.

Do you watch movies? Well, you're a bad person. You're a person who is supporting an industry that thinks it's A-okay to anally rape an underage teen—indeed, an industry that showers that person with praise! You're supporting an industry that has pledged fealty to a guy who has been credibly accused of molesting his daughter and married the adopted daughter of his longtime girlfriend. You're supporting an industry that turns a blind eye to DUIs. You're supporting an industry that kills its performers and gets away with it.

Do you listen to music? Good God, you're basically Hitler. You're supporting an industry that makes nothing but excuses for girlfriend-beating pieces of trash. You're literally paying for the guns and the bullets that wage gangland warfare. You are personally providing the lucre needed for our great artists to poison their bodies with illicit drugs, killing themselves in the process. Don't even get me started on jazz which, in addition to being stupid according to some people, is also a wasteland of junkies and addicts. And then there's country music, with its horrible stereotypes and aggressive, bro-tastic masculinity. What a dreadful industry. Update: And I forgot all about this murdering lunatic that your hard-earned dollars are supporting. And that the cornerstone of one of the greatest bands of all time was an abuser of women.

Do you read books? Wow, do you even know what a good person is? Don't you realize that our greatest literary minds treated women horribly? That their ranks are rife with anti-Semitism? How can anyone with good conscience enjoy the works of our great gonzo journalists knowing full well that the lifestyle they pursued ended up killing them? The whole industry is a sexist morass, one that keeps women down by segregating their work. I think it's sad that you don't mind supporting an industry as racist as this one. I'm stunned that you—who probably consider yourself a good person—would pour your hard-earned dollars into an industry that is so wretchedly vile.

Do you read Vice? Jesus. I thought you thought the right things. I thought you understood the progressive mindset. Do you know how they exploit their workers? Do you even care? I bet it doesn't bother you at all that the site was founded by a transmisogynist. Or that one of its biggest investors is Rupert Murdoch. How do you sleep at night? Don't you understand what you're doing to the world?

I'm just glad we have brave people willing to tell us how to live our lives. They're the real heroes. Never forget: If you want to be a good person, you have to boycott all the things.