Situations Vacant: Leader of mainstream political party

If you are looking for a dynamic and challenging role leading a team of ambitious people, now is your chance.

The New Zealand Labour Party will shortly be looking for a new leader to take the party forward into the next parliamentary term.

Do you have the ability to deal with crisis after crisis after crisis? Are you thick-skinned? Do you enjoy making enemies?

If you thrive under pressure, enjoy the feeling of despair, and plan to be in opposition for a lengthy period, then this could be the perfect role for you.

The ideal applicant should be able to demonstrate genuine warmth, emotional intelligence and empathy. Alternatively, they should have a very convincing demeanour. Acting skills would be an advantage.

An ability to handle the media and keep Patrick Gower in line will be essential. Clear communication skills would be an advantage, but stumblers and ditherers will be considered.

Being a David would also be an advantage, although applications from Phils and Grants will be considered. Women need not apply.

Please note that the successful applicant will be expected to supply their own stab-proof vest.

Please also note that this is a short-term role, as the successful applicant will most likely be knifed by their colleagues within 12 months.

If this sounds like you, then please send an application to:

Leadership Spull

c/- Labour Party

PO Box 784, Wellington

Please also enclose with your application evidence that you have the numbers in caucus.