The Free Software Foundation claims no copyright on this file, compiled largely from postings to public newsgroups and mailing lists, and the GNU project email archives. From: Don Chiasson <G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA> Subject: Some gnu jokes To: jokes@DREA-XX.ARPA, gergely@DREA-XX.ARPA, broome@DREA-XX.ARPA cc: G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA Message-ID: <12329394624.13.G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA> Richard M. Stallman (RMS, widely known for creating EMACS) is writing a UNIX clone called GNU (which means Gnu's Not Unix--a recursive acronym). This seems to open the way to a whole gnu class of jokes. For example: Q: What do you call a person who hacks while wearing no clothes? A: A gnudist. Q: What do you call an eligible young hacker? A: Gnubile. Q: What is a hacker's favorite candy? A: Gnugat. (Though it contains little gnutrition.) Q: What do you call a computer filled with air? A: Gnumatic. Q: What do you call a novice hacker who keeps pestering you with foolish questions? A: A gnuisance. Q: What do you call a subtle, clever hack in the favorite language? A: A gnuanCe. Q: What do you use a supercomputer for? A: Gnumerical analysis. Q: What do you call a hacker who collects coins? A: A gnumismatist. Well, there are more, just too gnumerous to tell all at once. I think I'd better go before someone starts firing gnuclear weapons at me. Don From: patl@athena.mit.edu (Patrick J. LoPresti) Message-ID: <1991Jul11.031731.9260@athena.mit.edu> Sender: news@athena.mit.edu (News system) Subject: The True Path (long) Date: 11 Jul 91 03:17:31 GMT Path: ai-lab!mintaka!olivea!samsung!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!think.com!snorkelwacker.mit.edu!bloom-picayune.mit.edu!athena.mit.edu!patl Newsgroups: alt.religion.emacs,alt.slack Organization: Massachusetts Institute of Technology Lines: 95 Xref: ai-lab alt.religion.emacs:244 alt.slack:1935 When I log into my Xenix system with my 110 baud teletype, both vi *and* Emacs are just too damn slow. They print useless messages like, 'C-h for help' and '"foo" File is read only'. So I use the editor that doesn't waste my VALUABLE time. Ed, man! !man ed ED(1) UNIX Programmer's Manual ED(1) NAME ed - text editor SYNOPSIS ed [ - ] [ -x ] [ name ] DESCRIPTION Ed is the standard text editor. --- Computer Scientists love ed, not just because it comes first alphabetically, but because it's the standard. Everyone else loves ed because it's ED! "Ed is the standard text editor." And ed doesn't waste space on my Timex Sinclair. Just look: -rwxr-xr-x 1 root 24 Oct 29 1929 /bin/ed -rwxr-xr-t 4 root 1310720 Jan 1 1970 /usr/ucb/vi -rwxr-xr-x 1 root 5.89824e37 Oct 22 1990 /usr/bin/emacs Of course, on the system *I* administrate, vi is symlinked to ed. Emacs has been replaced by a shell script which 1) Generates a syslog message at level LOG_EMERG; 2) reduces the user's disk quota by 100K; and 3) RUNS ED!!!!!! "Ed is the standard text editor." Let's look at a typical novice's session with the mighty ed: golem> ed ? help ? ? ? quit ? exit ? bye ? hello? ? eat flaming death ? ^C ? ^C ? ^D ? --- Note the consistent user interface and error reportage. Ed is generous enough to flag errors, yet prudent enough not to overwhelm the novice with verbosity. "Ed is the standard text editor." Ed, the greatest WYGIWYG editor of all. ED IS THE TRUE PATH TO NIRVANA! ED HAS BEEN THE CHOICE OF EDUCATED AND IGNORANT ALIKE FOR CENTURIES! ED WILL NOT CORRUPT YOUR PRECIOUS BODILY FLUIDS!! ED IS THE STANDARD TEXT EDITOR! ED MAKES THE SUN SHINE AND THE BIRDS SING AND THE GRASS GREEN!! When I use an editor, I don't want eight extra KILOBYTES of worthless help screens and cursor positioning code! I just want an EDitor!! Not a "viitor". Not a "emacsitor". Those aren't even WORDS!!!! ED! ED! ED IS THE STANDARD!!! TEXT EDITOR. When IBM, in its ever-present omnipotence, needed to base their "edlin" on a UNIX standard, did they mimic vi? No. Emacs? Surely you jest. They chose the most karmic editor of all. The standard. Ed is for those who can *remember* what they are working on. If you are an idiot, you should use Emacs. If you are an Emacs, you should not be vi. If you use ED, you are on THE PATH TO REDEMPTION. THE SO-CALLED "VISUAL" EDITORS HAVE BEEN PLACED HERE BY ED TO TEMPT THE FAITHLESS. DO NOT GIVE IN!!! THE MIGHTY ED HAS SPOKEN!!! ? From: The Unknown User <anonymous@nowhere.uucp> Subject: EMACS -- What does it mean? To: mit-prep!info-gnu-emacs@TOPAZ.RUTGERS.EDU EMACS belongs in <sys/errno.h>: Editor too big! Escape-Meta-Alt-Control-Shift From: harvard!topaz!BLUE!BRAIL@mit-eddie Date: 9 Sep 85 17:25:27 EDT Subject: EMACS -- What does it mean? To: mit-prep!info-gnu-emacs@TOPAZ.RUTGERS.EDU EMACS may stand for "Editing MACroS," but some friends of mine suggested some more creative definitions. Here they are. Anyone have any additions? -------- Eight Megabytes And Constantly Swapping Even a Master of Arts Comes Simpler Emacs Manuals Are Cryptic and Surreal Energetic Merchants Always Cultivate Sales Each Manual's Audience is Completely Stupefied Emacs Means A Crappy Screen Eventually Munches All Computer Storage Even My Aunt Crashes the System Eradication of Memory Accomplished with Complete Simplicity Elsewhere Maybe Alternative Civilizations Survive Egregious Managers Actively Court Stallman Esoteric Malleability Always Considered Silly Emacs Manuals Always Cause Senility Easily Maintained with the Assistance of Chemical Solutions EMACS MACRO ACTED CREDO SODOM Edwardian Manifestation of All Colonial Sins Generally Not Used Except by Middle Aged Computer Scientists Extended Macros Are Considered Superfluous Every Mode Accelerates Creation of Software Elsewhere Maybe All Commands are Simple Emacs May Allow Customized Screwups Excellent Manuals Are Clearly Suppressed Emetic Macros Assault Core and Segmentation Embarrassed Manual-Writer Accused of Communist Subversion Extensibility and Modifiability Aggravate Confirmed Simpletons Emacs May Annihilate Command Structures Easily Mangles, Aborts, Crashes and Stupefies Extraneous Macros And Commands Stink Exceptionally Mediocre Algorithm for Computer Scientists EMACS Makes no Allowances Considering its Stiff price Equine Mammals Are Considerably Smaller Embarrassingly Mundane Advertising Cuts Sales Every Moron Assumes CCA is Superior Exceptionally Mediocre Autocratic Control System EMACS May Alienate Clients and Supporters Excavating Mayan Architecture Comes Simpler Erasing Minds Allows Complete Submission Every Male Adolescent Craves Sex Elephantine Memory Absolutely Considered Sine que non Emacs Makers Are Crazy Sickos Eenie-Meenie-Miney-Mo- Macros Are Completely Slow Experience the Mildest Ad Campaign ever Seen Emacs Makefiles Annihilate C- Shells Eradication of Memory Accomplished with Complete Simplicity Emetic Macros Assault Core and Segmentation Epileptic MLisp Aggravates Compiler Seizures Eleven thousand Monkeys Asynchronously Crank out these Slogans ------- From: ihnss!warren@mit-eddie (Warren Montgomery) Newsgroups: net.emacs Subject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean? Date: Tue, 10-Sep-85 09:14:24 EDT Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep Someone at a luncheon suggested it meant: Evenings, Mornings, And a Couple of Saturdays (In reference to the odd hours that went into the creation of my implementation). -- Warren Montgomery ihnss!warren IH ((312)-979) x2494 Date: Wed, 18 Sep 85 10:11:04 edt From: inmet!tower@inmet.inmet (Leonard H. Tower Jr.) <inmet!tower@cca-unix> Subject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean? To: tower@MIT-PREP.ARPA Received: by inmet.uucp (4.12/inmet) id AA02199; Wed, 18 Sep 85 09:10:17 edt Date: Wed, 18 Sep 85 09:10:17 edt Message-Id: <8509181310.AA02199@inmet.uucp> Uucp-Paths: {bellcore,ima,ihnp4}!inmet!tower Arpa-Path: ima!inmet!tower@CCA-UNIX.ARPA Organization: Intermetrics, Inc., Cambridge, MA, USA Home: 36 Porter Street, Somerville, MA 02143, USA +1 (617) 623-7739 /* Written 6:48 pm Sep 14, 1985 by gml@ssc-vax in inmet:net.emacs */ /* ---------- "Re: EMACS -- What does it mean?" ---------- */ Pleeeeeeeze!!! Nice try on the meaning of EMACS. I believe the correct acronym is: Emacs Makes All Computing Simple Thank you, and Good Night /* End of text from inmet:net.emacs */ From: ho95e!wcs@mit-eddie (Bill.Stewart.4K435.x0705) Newsgroups: net.emacs Subject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean? Date: Thu, 26-Sep-85 21:43:54 EDT Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep > > very interesting, but what does GNU stand for ? > GNU = Gnu's Not UNIX. There is also MINCE, for Mince Is Not a Complete Emacs. > More recursive acronyms, anyone? Many people have also seen FINE Is Not Emacs, but the one that has character is THief Isn't Even Fine. -- ## Bill Stewart, AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ 1-201-949-0705 ihnp4!ho95c!wcs Path: mit-eddie!think!harvard!bbnccv!bbncca!linus!decvax!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!edison!ta2 From: edison!ta2@mit-eddie (tom allebrandi) Newsgroups: net.emacs Subject: Re: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean? Date: Sun, 29-Sep-85 18:11:55 EDT Organization: General Electric's Mountain Resort Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep > GNU = Gnu's Not UNIX. There is also MINCE, for Mince Is Not a Complete Emacs. > > More recursive acronyms, anyone? > For the DEC-system-10/20: FINE - Fine Is Not Emacs..... -- ............... tom allebrandi 2, general electric aco, charlottesville, va {decvax,duke}!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!edison!ta2 box 8106, charlottesville, va, 22906 (804) 978-5566 ............... Date: Wed, 16 Oct 85 01:38:12 edt From: inmet!tower (Leonard H. Tower Jr.) <inmet!tower@cca-unix> Subject: more names To: tower@MIT-PREP.ARPA Received: by inmet.uucp (4.12/inmet) id AA12997; Tue, 15 Oct 85 22:31:39 edt Date: Tue, 15 Oct 85 22:31:39 edt Message-Id: <8510160231.AA12997@inmet.uucp> Uucp-Paths: {bellcore,ima,ihnp4}!inmet!tower Arpa-Path: ima!inmet!tower@CCA-UNIX.ARPA Organization: Intermetrics, Inc., Cambridge, MA, USA Home: 36 Porter Street, Somerville, MA 02143, USA +1 (617) 623-7739 /* Written 12:20 pm Oct 14, 1985 by rs@mirror.UUCP in inmet:net.emacs */ SINE: Sine Is Not Emacs (MIT Architecture Machine Group) EINE: Eine is Not Emacs (MIT Lisp Machine) ZWEI: Zwei Was Eine Initially ("rev2" of EINE) -- Rich $alz {mit-eddie, ihnp4!inmet, wjh12, cca, datacube} !mirror!rs Mirror Systems 2067 Massachusetts Ave. 617-661-0777 Cambridge, MA, 02140 /* End of text from inmet:net.emacs */ Path: mit-eddie!genrad!panda!talcott!harvard!seismo!gatech!ulysses!pajb From: ulysses!pajb@mit-eddie (Paul Bennett) Newsgroups: net.emacs Subject: Here we go again ... Date: Sat, 19-Oct-85 17:26:49 EDT Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories, Murray Hill Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep > EINE: Eine is Not Emacs > (MIT Lisp Machine) > > ZWEI: Zwei Was Eine Initially > ("rev2" of EINE) DREI: DREI - Really Emacs Inside (Exists only in my head) From: friedman@gnu.ai.mit.edu (Noah Friedman) Sender: friedman@gnu.ai.mit.edu To: jimb@gnu.ai.mit.edu, rms@gnu.ai.mit.edu Subject: etc/emacs.names Date: Fri, 9 Oct 92 00:54:57 edt The following should be added: Emacs Makes A Computer Slow From: S_TITZ@iravcl.ira.uka.de (Olaf Titz) Newsgroups: alt.religion.emacs Subject: Re: what emacs stands for Date: 12 Oct 92 19:29:32 GMT Emacs Masquerades As Comfortable Shell Ever Made A Control-key Setup? Emacs: My Alternative Computer Story Emacs Made Almost Completely Screwed (by extensive use of M-x global-unset-key) Emacs Macht Alle Computer Schoen (deutsch) (=Emacs makes all computers beautiful) Each Mail A Continued Surprise Every Mode Acknowledges Customized Strokes (keystrokes, of course :-) Eating Memory And Cycle-Sucking Everyday Material Almost Compiled Successfully now enough bashing for today :-) From: elvis@gnu.ai.mit.edu To: emacs-19-bugs@gnu.ai.mit.edu Subject: missing from etc/emacs.names Date: Thu, 20 May 93 02:21:27 edt Elvis Masterminds All Computer Software Just so you boys know the score. Thank you very Much, The King