The mystery behind Donald Trump’s inexplicable and inevitable Republican presidential nomination can finally be put to rest. Tranquilized and beat into submission like the dwindling spirits of the country. On the bright side, the engulfing hatred and prospect of transforming humanity into a witless army of butt sniffing dimwits, will all be worth it.

Anyone supporting the Trump campaign wholly agrees that a presidential election is the only way to tempt a rare species of bird, hidden deep in the briar patch resting limply on Trump’s head, out of its century old hiding spot. “The bird has likely been in that sickening cocoon decades before it was crudely sewn onto Trump’s swollen head,” said Terry Kibbe, a self-proclaimed Trump Supporter as he grasped for his miniature bird watching binoculars. Perhaps hoping to catch a glance of the mythical bird as Trump audibly relieved himself. His visible diaper line growing ever more apparent. “It truly would be something special, I’m willing to sacrifice everything to see this bird,” continued Kibbe.

Another Trump supporter added “Birdie…Birdie…Pretty Birdie…See pretty Birdie,” as he repeatedly failed to wipe his own ass. The bird is said to be attracted only to the extinction of humankind. As the end draws nearer with Donald Trump at the helm, the bird will reveal itself for one fleeting moment as the nukes reign down. That Instagram alone will be totally worth it. #rare #nukes #lastpost #blesst #thethirstisactuallyreal #likesforlikes