The Resident Evil films are absolutely riddled with plot-holes, ridiculous contrivances, and terrible, terrible dialogue. In other words: They're pretty faithful to their source material. But perhaps no element of the series is as unbelievable and ill-conceived as the villainous organization behind it all: The Umbrella Corporation. There's so much wrong with Umbrella and their "build a better zombie" business plan, it's hard to pick a place to start. But they seem particularly terrible at resource management, and in every movie they manage to develop the most advanced technology on Earth, only to use it for the most helmet-wearingly dumbass purposes.

3 Supercomputer AI

In the first Resident Evil, Umbrella created the world's first true Artificial Intelligence. And in the RE Universe, you can drop the word "Artificial" and that sentence would still be true. Umbrella builds a viral research lab to develop and perfect their zombie formula (because they know what the consumer really wants: The Undead) and of course they do so directly under a civilian population center. In perhaps the only rational decision ever made by Umbrella, they realize they really shouldn't be in charge of anything, and develop an advanced AI to put in control of it instead. But when the shit hits the fan (as is wont to happen when you build a shit factory right beneath Fan City,) the AI does its job and seals the lab to prevent further casualties. Umbrella's response to their program doing exactly what they built it do was, for some reason, to send a security team in to override the whole god damn thing. Then, after the first team is murdered by the murder machines they built in the murder factory (that at this is point is totally sealed off, remember,) they send another. They make it very clear they will just keep sending teams into the "Pit of Bad Idea" until everyone on the entire planet is dead, and by the third film, they actually manage that.

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But despite what the entire running time of Resident Evil tells you, there was only one protagonist in that movie: Not the sassy Latino, not the tough as nails black guy, not even Milla herself - no, the only good guy in that movie is The Red Queen supercomputer (the "evil" Artificial Intelligence from above.) She's literally the only one, anywhere, that thinks perhaps unleashing the zombie death-plague is just maybe not the best idea. If she has a failing, it's only that she's the least user-friendly Graphical Interface since someone installed Windows 98 on a guillotine: She's a blood-red hologram of a creepy seven-year-old girl. She looks like the offspring of every Japanese horror movie raping each other, and while she's got enough supreme mastery over the entire laboratory complex to kill every single person who comes anywhere near it, they apparently forgot to give her so much as a twitter account to tell those people not to come near it.

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For the purpose of determining exactly how stupid the human "protagonists" are by comparison, we've developed the Zombie Movie Intelligence Test. The test is simple: You count how many seconds pass between the first time our heroes see a zombie, until they shoot it in the head. Then you just subtract that number from 100 to find their IQ. Applying this test to Resident Evil, we find our heroes have scored a new world record: -1100 points. It takes the Umbrella employees an insane twenty minutes to rediscover headshots. They expend most of their ammunition (and half their team) in a single firefight, and they don't hit a head once. Never mind basic survival, that's statistically impossible. They hit the walls, the roof, the floor, and destroy the "safety controls" on the experimental mega-zombie containment units littered about the room, which releases even more undead; they shoot so badly they actually increase the number of zombies.