In recent decades, family life in Western lands has changed dramatically. At one time, parents were in charge and children followed their lead. Now, in some households it seems to be the other way around. For example, consider the following scenarios, all of which are based on typical situations.

While at the store with his mother, a four-year-old boy reaches out for a toy. His mother tries to dissuade him. “You have enough toys already, don’t you?” Too late, she realizes that she should not have ended on a question. “But I want it!” the boy whines. Fearing a tantrum —his usual ploy— Mom gives in.

A five-year-old girl interrupts her father as he is talking to another adult. “I’m bored,” she announces. “I want to go home!” Her father stops mid-sentence, stoops down to his daughter, and asks in a soothing voice: “Just a few more minutes, Sweetie —OK?”

Once again, 12-year-old James has been accused of shouting at his teacher. James’ father is upset —not at his son but at the teacher. “She’s always picking on you,” he says to James. “I’m going to report her to the school board!”

The preceding scenarios are imaginary, but they are hardly far-fetched. They illustrate a real problem that exists in homes where parents tolerate children’s rudeness, cave in to their demands, and “rescue” them from the consequences of their misconduct. “It is increasingly common to see parents relinquishing authority to young children,” says the book The Narcissism Epidemic. “Not that long ago, kids knew who the boss was —and it wasn’t them.”

Of course, many parents do strive to teach their children proper values, not only by setting a good example but also by giving firm but loving correction when needed. Nevertheless, parents who recognize the value of doing so are, as the book quoted earlier puts it, “swimming against the cultural tide.”

How did things get to this point? Whatever happened to discipline?