A Crappy Ending For Potential Petroleum Thieves

August 12, 2016 (Fault Lines) –Fault Lines rarely covers issues in the criminal justice system outside the United States. On this occasion, it’s worth making an exception. Tourists in Australia don’t need to worry about theft while traveling Down Under, because their larcenists are literally full of shit.

Laverton Police Sen. Sgt Heath Soutar said a visiting tour bus fell victim to an attempted theft last week. Sen. Sgt Soutar said it appeared the would-be thief or thieves tried to siphon fuel from the parked bus during the night.

Siphoning fuel is generally a crappy idea, and not something left to an amateur. The process carries with it serious risk of physical injury and requires knowledge and timing. Knowledge is especially important if you’re trying to steal fuel from a tour bus, as these foul-mouthed ruffians found out quickly.

Usually when you’re siphoning fuel from a passenger vehicle, it’s easy to figure out where to put the hose since most vehicles prone to this activity only carry fuel tanks. But tour buses come equipped with bathrooms, and when passengers have to do their duty, the waste has to go somewhere. That means there’s two tanks, and two choices for the would be petrol pirates to pilfer their ill-gotten gains.

They chose poorly.

[The thieves] got a bit more than they bargained for when they accidentally accessed the bus’ waste tank instead of the one containing fuel.

Instead of the burning taste of gas, the larcenous Aussies sucked down a mouthful of human excrement. After grabbing a mouthful of a tourist’s bathroom business, the would be thieves abandoned the scene of the crime, with only the stench of defeat to show for their failed attempts.

No suspects have been caught, and it’s unlikely the authorities will pursue any further investigation. Eating shit is arguably punishment enough, and the would be petroleum perp’s buddies will never let him or her live this down.

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