I just spent an entire week away from the Internet, for the first time in years.* Of course, it’s 2018, so a week in Internet Time is equivalent to several years’ worth of outrages and scandals and scandalous outrages. I won’t even bother trying to catch up on all of the things I’m supposed to be angry about. You should just assume that I feel exactly the same way you feel about every single one of them. But I do find it strangely reassuring that no matter what happens, our moral, ethical, and intellectual betters on the left will always brand the targets of their outrage du jour as Nazis.

For example, a few weeks ago, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement tweeted the following:

Learn more about HERO Child-Rescue Corps, a program for wounded, injured & ill Special Ops Forces to receive training in high-tech computer forensics & law enforcement skills, to assist federal agents in the fight against online child sexual exploitation https://t.co/g0DpFeb3fE pic.twitter.com/b7qTIbnuRR — ICE (@ICEgov) May 25, 2018

As per ICE:

The HERO [Human Exploitation Rescue Operative] Child-Rescue Corps Program is designed for wounded, injured and ill Special Operations Forces to receive training in high-tech computer forensics and law enforcement skills, to assist federal agents in the fight against online child sexual exploitation. Upon successful completion of the program HERO interns will have the knowledge, skills and experience to apply for careers with federal, state and local police agencies, and other organizations, in the field of computer forensics.

I tend to be skeptical of government programs in general, but this doesn’t seem like a bad idea on the face of it. Stopping child predators is good, and so is supporting wounded warriors. These guys have sacrificed a lot to serve their country, they have experience and skills that they can put to good use, and they’re helping kids in trouble. That seems pretty awesome. If saying so is fascist of me, then so be it.

But wait! Everybody knows that ICE is bad, so there must be a reason this is bad. Did you notice the tattoos on that guy’s arm? Actor and genetic anomaly Ron Perlman sure did:

I know I’m a leftist, “D List” actor, so my twitter feed is probably deceiving me, but is that an iron cross tattooed on this hero’s arm? This is a mistake, right? Cuz the Iron Cross was a symbol of Nazi Germany. Gotta be my twitter feed is leaning left again. https://t.co/qsA6ynOfzB — Ron Perlman (@perlmutations) June 18, 2018

Yeah, Ron, gotta be. Hey, if you’re going to slander a wounded combat veteran, there’s no point in only going halfway. You need to be as malignantly smarmy as possible. Good work, Hellboy.**

As it turns out, Ron Perlman was wrong. That is not an Iron Cross on that guy’s arm:

Read the full ICE statement regarding erroneous attacks on ICE employee for #military tattoo: pic.twitter.com/BwA8kFWNFV — ICE (@ICEgov) June 18, 2018

Per Gaertner, the tattoo on his left elbow is “Titan 2,” the symbol for his platoon while he fought in Afghanistan. The writing on his right arm is the Spartan Creed which is about protecting family and children. pic.twitter.com/qs8H3tkd6l — ICE (@ICEgov) June 18, 2018

Oh. Well, why would that stop anybody from calling him a Nazi? Their feelings don’t care about his facts.

The whole moronic debacle got started by Talia Lavin, a “fact-checker” for the New Yorker. The magazine has apologized for the error, but I still want to know what they’re paying their “fact-checkers” to do all day. This seems like a fact that would’ve been pretty easy for Lavin to check, but she didn’t even bother.

Why didn’t she bother? Why did she just assume the worst? Does she even know?

Perlman has apologized as well, sorta:

My apologies! I mistook the symbol on this man’s arm before I actually knew the facts. So again, I apologize to the man in this picture for my mistake. Maybe it was the gusto, the relish this agency seems to project in their obsession to racially profile decent people. https://t.co/7heFecxSY4 — Ron Perlman (@perlmutations) June 18, 2018

“I’m sorry I libeled you, but that’s only because you suck.” Perlman has obviously taken a page from Samantha Bee.

Look, it’s okay to hate Donald Trump. It’s okay to hate any president, even that handsome black one we had for a while. Go right ahead. Hate away. But when your hatred makes you do things like calling wounded U.S. vets Nazis, maybe it’s time to take a break.

Or, you know what? Don’t take a break. Keep shrieking about policies you don’t understand, because you just can’t get over losing an election. Keep defaming anybody who makes you angry, for any reason, without thinking twice about it. Keep lashing out at anybody who dares to tell you that you’re making a mistake. Keep ignoring that little voice in your head that says, “Wait, is it really a good idea to say this? I’ll get that instant endorphin hit, but is it worth the potential consequences for saying it?”

You’re doing fine work, Dems. Election 2018 is right around the corner!

*My previous attempts at spending time away from the Internet always ended after a few days. I’m weak.

**My favorite scene in Drive is when Ryan Gosling puts on that crazy mask and drowns Perlman in the ocean. I might have to watch that again right now.