BOONE, NC — The patrons of Cascades set a new record this afternoon as the line for Blended Smoothies extended a full 56 miles from Boone to the Tennessee state border.

“I have never seen anything quite like this in my nine years of working here,” said full-time cashier Angela Summers. “Students are heading down the highway just to come here for a cup of whirled up frozen fruit. It’s quite amazing, really.”

The line, which began to take its monstrous form at around 10 a.m. this Wednesday, went out the door of Plemmons Student Union, curled around Sanford Hall, and quickly extended down to the Holmes Convocation Center. By 11, the line quickly impeded traffic from the Wal-Mart parking lot, and by noon, perplexed students began walking towards Jefferson to find the end of the line.

The sticky, yogurt-covered, fruit-stained smoothie station was manned by two freshman student workers coated in protein powder and peanut butter.

“This is fucking horrible,” said morning-shift smoothie maker Gia Harris while looking out at the line. “I’m now finally convinced that God’s not real.” Her co-worker was too preoccupied with hyperventilating under the sink to be reached for comment.

Harris managed to whittle the line down to the edge of the Walgreens parking lot before the end of her shift, but students are still currently queueing up, waiting out in the fickle weather for their refreshing Purple Passion smoothie with two scoops of protein.

“I called my boss a few hours ago to tell him I wouldn’t be able to come in tonight. I told him I was getting a smoothie from Blended,” said waiting student Todd Truman. “He seemed to understand.”

Summers estimates that the line will likely be cleared out in time for tomorrow’s line to form. She quickly added, “I hope.”