Salvage blogging: three years ago, a blog ago, a d100 list of Chaotic Familiars I put together with my friend Peter Leban. It’s here now, safe in the embrace of Mu-Ptah.

Does it still work? Logan’s Generator Link. In any case, it’s nominally written up for DCC.

d100. Chaotic Familiars (and Master Benefits)

Crawling Hand of Mu-Ptah – a greenish, slightly putrid, clawed human hand with an unblinking blue eye in the palm, it scuttles about on the fingers while seventeen little tentacles wave at the stump of the wrist. (+1 Intelligence and ability to see ghosts and spirits through the Hand’s eye) Kibbles the White Cat of Lordship – a white, long-furred cat of regal mien. (+1 Personality and +1 to CL for all charm spells) Black Rat of the Piper – a black rat with rolling red-rimmed eyes. (supernatural sense of smell, +1 to saves vs. poison, +1 to all rolls with pipes and flutes) Golden-red Cockroach of Samedi – a large, glistening cockroach with iridescent wings. (+1 AC, +1 to saves vs. death) Silver Scarab of the Surfing Saint – a sleek, chrome-silver scarab. (grants ability to feed on dung, +1 Stamina) Macabre Miniature Mastodon From Silencio the Pale, the Miniature Collector and Designer – a shrunken version of mastodon that has seen better days, undead, reeks of decay (+1 CL to turn living creatures, +2 CL to charm undead, +1 CL to Chill Touch) Cockroach of Silent Tempest – two inch thick cockroach, if you listen closely, you can hear its battle chants (+2 fear/morale checks for hirelings, +2 damage with sonic spells) Iron Eye of the Crimson Tempest of Vurga the Virulent – a floating eye in an iron casing, it floats and follows its master (+2 damage with ray attacks, can scout ahead) Magda the Baby Doll – animated baby doll with one eye missing/torn out (whenever you cast a spell, you get 1d4 weeks younger) Ever-purring Floating Cat of Hugo De’ Voidde – a cat that floats in the air, fat and furry, on an imaginary cushion, always purrs (+50% xp from one encounter per day) Gluttonous Imps of Rabid Decadence – they come in little packages and are so small they fit in a pocket. They will eat, drink, copulate, sing, steal, fight, whatever they please, but, they will please their master, too! (once per session (or your Personality bonus times), ask your referee a minor wish/boon. The Imps will go and try to do that. +1 to all drinking and carousing rolls) Black Proteus – Proteus anguinus parkelii, shorter head and stronger jaws than Proteus anguinus anguinus, 34-35 vertebrae, electroreceptors (+1 CL with electrical and lightning spells, can sense electric fields, +1 to rolls to disrupt technical equipment) Not-quite-dead Parrot – this parrot looks dead, but it isn’t. In fact, it has just ceased to be. It is an ex-parrot in this reality and drifts across the multiverse in its astral form (can smell planar portals like dwarves smell gold, portal and planar spells at CL +1) Purple Moth – a summer moth the size of a cyclops’ palm in shades of purple with a dark orange striped thorax and fluffy antennae (infravision 75’, blinded by bright light, +1 reaction rolls) Old Dog – an old scruffy dog, Rumphus, claims to be the prince of hell on vacation, farts stinking clouds each time its master rolls a 17 (gain lesser demon traits, any time three 6s are rolled in a single roll of the dice, a portal to hell opens with a delegation of 1d4 type IdIV demons that want to take the dog back to the abyss) Pocket Rhino – yes, it’s pocket-size blue rhino (charging attacks at +1, all force/push spells at CL+1, also superior hearing checks, because the rhino will listen when you don’t and will signal you – usually with the horn, in morse code) Tri-triceratops – the guardian familiar of Haddus the Grimm, this foot-long monstrosity stands 10 inches tall and has three heads with long horns (master casts all destruction AoE spells at CL +3) Giant Earthworm – fully extended this slimy denizen of the soil reaches 6.66” in length (+3 dungeoneering, if master is cut in half, one of the halves will regrow into a full body. 50% chance the part that regrows is not the head, in which case the reborn master is a 0-level commoner with no memory of his adventures) Old Owl – ancient owl, they say her hoot calls death. They are wrong. Unless they are mices or hobbitses (in presence of mice or hobbits will go on an uncontrollable rampage, unless restrained. master/master: +1 Move silently, Darkvision 10’) Giant Lemon Centipede – named after it’s color and smell, a lemon centipede produces delicious juice if commanded to do so. (It’s 5 inch long and thin, can be swallowed and nested in the belly of a master (in fact, the centipede is most comfortable there), when disposed in this fashion, master does not feel thirst or hunger, because the centipede does the juicing, +1 saves vs. Disease, +1 Luck because of lemons, also, makes lemonade if you want to) Chaotic Hamster Barbarian Wizard Necromancer Hero – famous hamster champion from Ooz, travelled the planes of Goorka to come and serve (+1 relations with Chaos, +1 with Hamsters, +1 with Barbarians, +1 with Wizards, +1 with Necromancers, +1 with Heroes, cumulative, +4 to rolls involving spinning wheels) Jubilean, King of Lemurs – furry with black and white stripes, starry brown eyes (+1 CL with Charm spells, +1 Personality in presence of other lemurs) Black Adder – silent and smooth, cold to touch (poison resist, poison damage, bonus with poison spells) Iron Cobra – about 75% of these have two heads, they are known for their hard-to-earn trust, but when you do, you have their love for a lifetime (+1 to initiative, sniff metal like a dwarf sniffs gold, +2 saves vs. Charm) Hypnotic Brick of Shazahaad – they say once the bricks were living creatures just like us, they walked the face of Errth/Oerth/Aereth/Urf, but were not complete. To be complete living animals they lacked the need to sleep. One day, a Magick Man came to the land and with him power. He told the bricks he could teach them to sleep. He gave one of the bricks a special hypnotic power that put all the bricks to sleep. This is that brick. (Sleep at CL+2, Awaken the wall as a bonus spell, +1 Intelligence) Sand Trout – a fish made of sand, surprisingly sentient and aware, it can reside safely inside a pocket. (increased resistance to thirst and heat, +5’ movement on and in sand) Scuttling Land Crab – armored in red and white plates (+1 AC) Poison-arrow Frog – the flesh of this amphibian is very toxic (-1 AC, any melee attack that strikes the master has a chance of poisoning the attacker, DC 17 Fort or lose 1d4 Strength and Stamina) Slimy Salamander of Pepi the Old – the little yellow and black amphibian sees into the hidden voids and knows the recipe of Pepi’s Old Brew (+1 to all rolls when dealing with the voids of chaos, +1 CL to planeswalking, can teach master to brew, ferment and distill concentrated alcoholic drinks with more than 100% alcohol by volume, including such classics as Pepi’s Old Abbey Suprafort, Pepi’s Fortress of the Soul, Pepi’s Binding of the Spirit, Pepi’s Dethwine, Pepi’s Terminal Whine, Pepi’s Turgidity Maximizer and of course Pepi’s Oldest XXXY) Jade Axolotl of Onanis – a glistening, turgid axolotl with flaring golden gills that must be regularly moistened with pure water (+2 CL with water spells, +2 saves vs. water, re-roll each failed drowning roll once, can breathe underwater for 666 minutes) Swarm of Mosquitos – a swarm of mosquitos. It buzzes a droning song. (+2 CL to all anaesthetizing spells, regain 1 hp for every 10 points of melee damage caused, using a bound captive you can drain him of 1d4 Str and Stamina in blood to gain 1 temporary hit points (maximum of 2 temporary hitpoints per master’s level), the temporary hit points last for 24 hours). Animated Broom of Zunapi – an animated broom, slightly OCD about keeping the master clean (+1 Personality due to good grooming, +1 to saves vs. dirt) Sentient Pentacle of Claudius Tentaclius Six Senses – a 6.66’’ pentacle, grown together from living black iron tentacles with an ever-searching eye in every intersection and in the middle, it always lurks somewhere nearby and moves by teleporting itself in short 30’ hops (+1 CL with summoning spells, +1 save vs. spells, +1 Hide in Shadows and Spot Hidden) Mottled Yellow and Blue Leech – a large, colorful leech (gain +1 temporary hp per 10 hp damage dealt, hp gained this way last 24 hours, -1 Strength, +2 Stamina, +1 CL with blood magic) Scorpion Fish of Futhrak in a Crystal Bowl – a mystical five-eyed scorpion fish (all water magic and spells used my master also poison targets, Fort DC 15 or 1d4 Stamina damage, +1 CL with fish spells, +1 to saves vs. poison) Flapping Animated Tome – a winged and eyed tome with covers of polished human skin and goblin teeth filled with velvet-smooth ivory parchments. (+1 1st level spell known) Golden Goblin – an animated clockwork figurine of ivory and gilded steel, the clockwork goblin can dance, tumble and spin. (+1 Agility, +3 reaction rolls with goblins) Tiny Gelatinous Cube, “Nibbles” – a tiny gelatinous cube, best kept in an acid-proof blue magical container enruned with the words ECTF Halar R (+1 to attack and damage with acid and saves vs. acid) Gripping Tantarella of Handiness – two restless undead pianist hands, sewn together, animated to crawl around like a spider, with thumbs forming the “head” and the other eight fingers the legs. From the wrists up it dissolves into a spray of gravity defying voxels (+1 Strength, +3 to grapple checks) Mystic Elfling Root of Benign Connection – connection with nature, that is. This vivid green, mossy elfin root grows from somewhere within the summoner, goes through his/her flesh and forms a mossy, wooden limb with a follower will-o-wisp attached (gain extra limb with Strength 3, Agility 3, gain +1 when dealing with elfs, +1 CL summon patron: King of Elfland, +3 Personality with elves, +1 CL with nature magic, -2 reactions with normal people) Black Blade – the black blade of Arioch, a demon in sword form and also a familiar, the sword curses the master to require sentient souls to recover Spellburn. (+2 to melee attacks and damage with the black blade, +1 CL to demon magic, and more) Depressed Little Android – a little android that is constantly depressed and miserable, possessed of a large rubbery head and small knobby limbs (+1 Intelligence, -1 Personality, +2 to rolls involving technology) Tiny Cow of Hathor-Shelob – a tiny pitch black cow that produces noxious silver milk, which allows the drinker to dream-walk. (+1 CL with dream magic, +1 to saves vs. enchantments) Spider-pig-lobster – Arachnida Sus Homarus, this familiar can walk on ceilings – backwards! (gain knowledge of Spider Climb, +1d4 temporary HP when in mud, +1 Personality to barter attempts, -2 to hide in shadows because of messy habits, like farting and muddy tracks) Amber Trilobite of Malevolento the Bold – with three rows of legs and spikes on its back (on hit return 1 damage, +10’ move in shallow water, +3 reaction rolls with historians) Giant Blue and Red Grasshopper – a giant blue and red grasshopper (10’ jump bonus, summon a plague swarm of grasshoppers, can subsist on grass and raw vegetation) Alfred the Cartographic Tea-time Octopus – an octopus. Pink. Will help you draw maps, also will help you mix potions and prepare steak (can ask Judge to tell you if your maps are accurate now then, +1 sense direction, +1 CL with potions, +1 to rolls when cooking land-dwellers or preparing biscuits) Giant Flatworm – will eat from your plate from within your gut (-3 Stamina, +1 CL all spells, +1 to saves vs. poison, +3 to saves vs. other parasites, gain 1d20 years of mysteriously gifted lifespan) Sandworm Larva – be good and maybe one day it will grow to full size. Its favourite dessert is desert mice (+1 Luck when in desert or sandy area, +1 Personality, +1 CL with heat spells, +1 damage against rodents) Mummified Fat Cat – How did the cat get so fat and mummified? I don’t know, said the other Fat Cat Mummy on his left. She was surrounded by them – fat cats of bandages – on a Discussion of necro-fatology. (Get lay on hands, like a cleric, but half the dice) Blue Cat of Aristocracy – fine blue fir, translucent skin and blue blood. When illuminated by morning sunlight looks like an ultramarine-veined carrara from the king emperor’s personal indulgement chambers (+2 Personality, always roll one die higher on treasure tables) Orange Cat of Destruction – it is orange. It is cat. It brings havoc. (+1 Strength, +1 Agility, +1 CL with fire spells, -2 to all rolls versus water) Greenwood Garden Gnome – only appears wooden, actually an infiltration specialist painted green. Speaks in riddles and when asked a direct question will not give out straight answers. Steals socks and underwear and plots revenge on humankind. (+1 with Sphinxes, +1 Luck when consulting with the Queen of Elfland, +1 reaction rolls with gnomes, +1 Agility) Skeletal Raven with One Eye Socket Too Many – often depicted on gongs in the Icy Foyer (+1 CL with flying and fortune-telling spells, +1 Stamina, +1 AC when not touching the ground, gain 1 temporary spellburn point for every raw eyeball eaten (max = character level) – note that eating too many raw eyeballs can make a person sick) Shadow Bat – made out of primal shadow, some call these Knull, they reside the undercroft of Utter Dark (+1 Luck while underground, echolocation 60’) Ever-Talking Chicken – claims to be an imprisoned apprentice of a planeswalker. Also, is very beautiful. (+1 Personality, +1 Luck, -1 Intelligence) Flying Potato of Tschuepps – has many waving, white tentacles with little eyes at the end (master becomes corpulent and gains an affinity for starchy foods, -5’ movement speed, -1 Reflex saves, +1 Fortitude, +2 Will saves because he will simply not be moved – much like a couch potato) Phantom Sequoia Sapling of the Light Bringer – uses roots as legs (spell: Summon Sure Striking Spectral Sequoia Stump of Solid Shattering – summons a tree stump of doom out from thin air, which hammers the target into the dirt. The thickest walls will not save you from this, there is no safe refuge from this spell. Also grants +1d6 temporary hp when standing on soil) Loaded Chaotic Modron of Unbalanced Resolve – these geometric pseudo-creatures come in various shapes. (Roll all weird dice, keep the ones with the lowest result, discard others, reroll until only one is left. This is the final shape of the unbalanced modron. Use the die in addition to standard action die when resolving Spell success rate.) Animated Wax Figurine of Tunga Mala – a faceless, man-shaped wax doll with a perpetually menacing slouch. (+1 CL with curses, +1 to saves vs. curses, +2 CL with spells single-target spells when in possession of a piece of target’s hair, nails, flesh, blood or other substance) Grass Golem of Gurwanga – a dry, rustling golem of woven grass, this little three-legged man-shaped familiar also serves as a functional children’s toy (+1 to all rolls in grasslands, +1 CL with plant spells, can pass without trace through grass and groundcover). Mandrake Rootling of Mischko – animated plant with humanoid root (+1 Stamina, +1 saves vs. poison and +1 CL with Illusion spells) Notable Ghost Note – a ghost note from the Echoing Halls of Dementia, an old sound, makes you forget who you are, what you do (once per encounter may sound the ghost note and all creatures who hear it must save vs. spell or lose their action for this round, can cast Silence and Vocalize at +1 CL, +1 reactions with ghosts) Baby Lindwyrm – likes to chase and bite it’s tail. Has a propensity to flatulence when nervous. Likes swamps. Cannot breathe fire. (+10’ move in swamps, +1 saves vs. spells, +1 damage vs. other dragons) Spider Hornet of the Flesh-Eating Sarcumfex – parasitic giant wasp that likes to implant eggs in spiders, spider monkeys and hobbits and eats honey and honey bees (+1 CL with flying spells, +1 to all rolls against bees, melee attacks cause disease – parasitical hornet grubs – Fort DC 14, 1d4 Stamina damage for 3d16 days until they form cysts and are born as hardy parasitic hornets. Stamina damage roll dictates how many hornets will be born.) Tiny Tit – a small blue tit, innocent-looking and lovely (If master’s life is endangered, a storm of sixty-six angry tits appears at the cost of 1d7 Luck. They attack the prey, eat the flesh and leave the bones, +1 rolls with tits.) Cyclops Myconid – has one big blue eye, red hat dotted with pale violet blotches, likes to dance, if you listen carefully, it sings the song “Vast is the kingdom of mushrooms” and “When I was just a little spore” over and over (+1 saves vs. mind control, +1 dance/perform, +1 CL to mind-control spells) Ladybird of Revisiting – with seven black dots (+7 to one Luck roll / session, +1 Luck) White Rabbit – don’t chase it (once per session, make a spellburn. For each point you burn, the white rabbit will affect one HD of creatures. 50% of non-intelligent creatures will chase the rabbit and die horribly once per session, 50% of intelligent creatures will be puzzled by rabbit’s behaviour, +1 CL to all hallucination-based spells) Flail Snail – lubricates the path you’ve taken with strange bluish unguents (+1 Luck, Movement speed increased by 10’) Hooked Caterpillar – a blue and purple caterpillar of magnificent proportions that regularly vents a mildly intoxicating bluish gas from its anterior orifices (+2 CL to enchantments, +1 Personality, -1 Intelligence) Ftagn Squid of Dread Ktulu – a shape-shifting transdimensional squid (melee attacks damage sanity; DC 16 Will or lose 1d5 Personality). Flying Skull of Abadnon – abandoned by it’s body for being too chatty, refers to a master/master as “Chief”. ( -2 Luck, +2 Intelligence, +2 CL when animating skeletons) Accursed Albino Mole of Moulting – without fur and pigment, white, its moult can be used as a key component in making a love potion to seduce witches (+1 CL with potions, +3 dungeoneering, -1 Personality, +2 Luck underground and with witches) Shrubbery [citrus] – this small shrubbery is semi-sentient and semi-motile, it also produces delicious citruses once a year (+1 to CL with all yellow spells, +1 Intelligence) Shrubbery [hazelnut] – this branchy shrubbery has hazelnuts on it (+1 to CL with all woody spells, +1 Stamina) Baneful Bonsai of Bonzo – a gleaming black and red bonsai with a chicken-legged bowl and beautiful red berries (+1 to all rolls vs. bane, roll 1d6 for bane: 1) humans, 2) dwarves, 3) ants, 4) goblins, 5) urban planning, 6) mathematics) Two-faced Horned Horror From The Dragon Crypts – the black angular creatures who form the wall around the dragon king’s treasury in underground plains of shattered tombstones, hates dwarfs (+1 damage vs. dwarfs, +1 Strength and Stamina, -3 reaction from dragons) Animated Bass Guitar of Dethlok – a very metal piece of animated demonic instrumentage, writhing with horrible deathiness (+6 CL with all musical spells, +6 to all rolls featuring heavy metal, +6 to reaction rolls of demons) Brain In A Jar – brain of famous necromancer Jarifex (or possibly his fool son Fexijar), communicates via telepathy, comes in a flying jar (+1 CL with preservation and pickling spells, -3 reaction rolls, +2 Intelligence) Stuffed and Animated Cyclopean Lamb of True Seeing – this midnight-black lamb has only one big blinking eye, smells of turpentine and jumps around joyfully. When scared, it rolls over, seemingly dead. The eye sees invisible (and dead) creatures (grants knowledge of Detect Invisibility, +1 to detect hidden, +1 to find portal) Chaos Wolf – a fine example of the species Canis lupus chaoticus, covered in spines and red fur and with rolling yellow eyes (+1 to attack and damage with melee attacks, superior smell abilities, smell/detect Law) Stalking Maroon Beast – Lynx-goat-cormoran of chaos, covered with fishy scales, smells like af damp pit, loves to blend in with dark places, pretending it does not exist there, staying completely still for the duration of the instinct – (-d11 Luck, every time the master suffers corruption, the beast will get 1 additional permanent HP, therein the master as well, gain knowledge of Ventriloquism, +1 with lynxes, goats, and cormorans ) Crooked Vulture – a vulture (immune to food poisoning, can subsist on carrion, +1 Stamina) Musing Tortoiseshell Cat of Song – prone to suggestive, nymphomaniac activity (+1 with cats, +1 Luck, master/master gains proficiency in his/her Personality bonus number of instruments of his/her choosing) Ambulatory Excrement – a pile of poop held together by strands of slime that moves around on thirteen tiny brown feet. (-2 Stamina, +2 to Fort saves, +2 Luck) Zombie Pigeon – a zombie pigeon, it can poop. It smells. It is deceased. It is an ex-pigeon. (+1 CL with necromantic spells, +1 to all saves vs. undead) Giant Animated Sheep Entrails of Cho-rrthukk – the free-floating infected and infested entrails of the golden-fleeced sheep of Colchis, or perhaps some parasite dwelling therein. A mysterious familiar indeed. (+1 Stamina, +1 hp, +1 CL to all fear spells) Swirling Black Globule of Ink – a levitating, self-contained globule of ink. (+2 CL to all scrolls, +1 to checks involving scribing scrolls and reading, +1 Intelligence) Mysterious Space-Time Distortion Named Mu – a mysterious space-time distortion that claims to be named Mu. (+1 Agility, +1 AC, -1 Luck) Animated Fork – can look like an ordinary piece of cutlery, but otherwise has little legs and three little mouths on it’s ‘head’. (+1 Personality, +2 to etiquette rolls, +1 CL to all metal spells) Starfish of the Stars – an eye-encrusted starfish from the stars themselves. (+1 Intelligence, +1 Luck, -2 Personality, +1 CL to all star spells) Rotting Undead Stag – one half-rotten away, in 90% from chest to abdomen, reeks heavily (+1 CL all necrotic spells, +1 saves vs. nausea) Iguana-on-a-Stick – a living iguana on a stick. (+1 Agility, +2 to balance rolls, +1 to rolls vs. lizards) Animated Casket With Tiny Feet – a smaller sapient pearwood box than the travelling trunk, may hold an above average quantity of jewelry (+1 Luck, +1 hp, +1 to all carpentry rolls) Rainbow Gem of Rainbows and Unicorns – a multicolored gem that floats serenely in the vicinity of the master, dispensing good advice and gentle admonitions (+1 to all rolls with gems, grants knowledge of prismatic spray, +1 to rolls with unicorns) Shadeless Horror from Utterdark – a foot tall, it looks like a dried fish with sharp goblin teeth, wiggling about on two /or more/ thin legs, with hook-tipped hands dangling stiffly from behind the enormous jaws of the creature. The head has a light lure, which can also be used to find one’s way in the dark (all light manipulation spells are at CL +3, can snuff out candles from ten feet away) Stone of Following – one of the fragments of the Broken Wall of the Followers, it always follows 6’ feet underground if possible, generating feeble tremors that are said to repel tremor-sensitive creatures like purple worms and Shai-hulud (+1 reaction rolls with followers, grants Cause Earthquake, +1 Personality, +1 to rolls vs. worms) Mysterious Black Porcelain Tablet of Ulysses – enchanted sentient levitating but otherwise immobile tablet 1’’, 4’’, 9’’, poor creation cannot move on it’s own, but has magick mouth, arcane ear, and can look like an ordinary piece of polished stone as well as shoot beams of pure white force (+1 Intelligence, +5 CL with revelations, increases lifespan by 1d30 months) Tiny Sexy Shoeless Avatar of War – a tiny, vicious halfling-like fairy wielding two tiny daggers (+4 to hit and damage with daggers, +4 hp, -1 CL with all enchantments)

Why are you reposting old stuff?

Because some of it is good, and deserves to be saved. And some of it is terrible, but also deserves to be preserved. Some of it to save me from having to look in ten places for stuff. But the main reason?

I don’t need one. Find your own reason.