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KNOWN as ‘Beast-feasters’ in their secret online communities, women and men gather on a daily basis in dark corners of the internet to discuss the ‘fuck-a-bility’ of the titular Beast from Disney’s 1991 animated classic Beauty and the Beast. Today, this stops.

Are you one of the thousands of Beast lusting degenerates out there, waxing lyrical about how you’d like the beast to ‘be your guest’ in your vagina? This must stop. You have a problem. This is wrong. As animation experts have stated time and time again.

“Surely you’d be masturbating to the thought of Belle like a normal, non-mentally disturbed person,” asserted animation expert Colin Packings, correctly, “that voice, those eyes, the ample breasts in the yellow gown,” he added, losing credibility somewhat.

Sure, you could make a compelling argument for why the Beast in his beastly form is leagues ahead of what he looks like when he transforms back into human form when the curse is broken, and you could voice your disappointment at how unfuckable the Beast was in the live action, Emma Watson starring remake from 2017, but what you should be doing is getting help. Professional help.

Oh, by all means, speak at length and rationalise how wanting to get your fuck on with the Beast isn’t bestiality because it’s not clear that he is strictly speaking a specific animal, but your time would be better spent presenting yourself at the feet of medical professionals and begging to be cured.

And that voice, yes, that voice gives you goose bumps and sets you off like nothing else and then his broad beastly shoulders… but stop. This is not normal. People have been put in prison for less.

There is a movement amongst the depraved to legitimise these feelings and urges but do not fall prey to these disturbing tactics. If you or anyone you know is having near constant impure and sickeningly sexy thoughts about Beast, please get help.