I have unrealistic expectations.

The difficulty for me, and many managers I work with, is that we often project these unrealistic expectations on those around us.

We expect our friends and loved ones to intuit our precise needs, never mind the fact that we’ve never bothered clearly articulating our expectations.

But let’s take a step back and assume for a moment that we did effectively communicate our expectations.

What would that even look like?

This is a hard question to answer, and one that I’m guilty of having given short-shrift to in the past.

See, I often operate under the mistaken impression that I have clearly and concisely conveyed my expectations to those around me.

It’s upon the completion of the task, when the results do not align with my vision, that I become painfully aware of the fact that I failed.

This has happened more times than I can count. And it’s toxic because this failure of others to rise to the occasion of our expectation is not their fault, but you can bet the farm that our subconscious (if not conscious) mind is attributing blame.

Over time, and with enough failures, we stop giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. We start questioning their capacity.

Do they really have what it takes to hold up their end of the relationship?

This might be a significant other who just can’t wrap their head around doing the dishes on the time-frame, or to the standard, you deem acceptable.

Or it might be someone on your team that just can’t produce a quality TPS report to save their life.

Doesn’t matter the person or the role, if they continually fail to achieve the standard you deem necessary, there will be trouble.

Resentment is the silent killer of relationships.

Once it crops up, it’s more-or-less a weed you’re stuck fighting forever.

You’ve got to nip it in the bud and stop it from ever taking root.

But how?

How can we give the people around us the tools and understanding necessary to live up to our subjectively flawed standards of success?

You do it by clearly defining these two things. Once you do, you’ll be amazed by what the people around you are capable of.