1. Ensure the table surface has absolutely the bare minimum amount of space required to hold a monitor, any extra space is unacceptable. Add wheels, after all, people love moving around their desktops (Fred Flintstone used a laptop). Feeling happy? Install a printer tray close to where the poor moluccas feet should go. Make sure you place the computer box as close to the guys knee as possible, this way he will accidental hit the reset button every so often. Remember computer users deserve our hatred.

2. Always ensure you include that “cute” little keyboard shelf, because everyone wants to work in as cramped as possible when it comes to a computer. Always make sure there is an annoying lack of space for both the mouse and keyboard. Remember EVERYONE who uses a computer is really an elf or they’re Italian. Install annoying shelves where legs should go, after all, ALL computer users really love having a printer close to their knees.

3. Computers are such a nuisance, who really has the space for them? They’re so offensive to any room therefore the furniture that holds them should be as tiny as possible. Every computer user deserves extreme punishment for breathing the same air as us. Ensure you include hard sharp edges close to elbow regions. Every computer user really needs a lesson in humility, design your desk as awkward as possible. Think NERD, think GEEK and fuck em!

4. Actual computer boxes are a gift from God, they do not deserve the floor. Having a computer resting on a hard floor would be a disgrace to computer boxes everywhere. Build in a shelf.

5. All computer users deserve to have their legs chopped off, legs are bad, who needs them anyways? Ensure you narrow down on any leg room, remember we want to design something that is dreadfully uncomfortable and impractical. Instead fill the space with drawers or better still a printer shelf. All computer users have tiny legs.