The Chancellor Of The Exchequer Philip Hammond is expected to announce a commemorative Brexit 50p coin today that will depict two small children fighting over a dead rat for lunch by frantically stabbing each other in the eye with the reinforced corners of their blue passports.

According to government sources, the new coin will enter circulation on 31st March 2019 – the day that the United Kingdom officially sort of leaves the European Union.

One source said, ‘It was a tough choice, and we had to whittle down a number of ideas until a panel selected the winning design.’

‘Second place was Jacob Rees-Mogg getting a rim job from a gathering of Question Time audience members from Barnsley, while not far behind that was a diabetes suffering sprawled out on the pavement after being forced to inject themselves with Vimto.’

‘The whole exercise is pretty pointless anyway, because by the time that the new coins are minted 50p will be worth around 19p.’

However, a number of Brexiteers have expressed outrage at the new design.

Roger Fuch-Weet said, ‘I have wrote to the Bank of England on fifteen separate occasions now to suggest unicorns.’

‘That could be on the front, with the back of the coin showing a load of war graves and an engraving of Jean-Claude Juncker to prove that our Brexit Bill has been paid in full. Because obviously that’s how economics works.’

Chancellor Hammond’s Budget speech will have a number of surprises today, including an expected £200bn Stop Brexit Fund according to Leave.EU’s Facebook page.

An update this morning said, ‘So now the Remoaner Chancellor will spend £200bn of taxpayers’ cash trying to stop Brexit.’

‘You all know it is true because we have used big, bold and colourful text that has very short, simple words superimposed over his face.’