Quote of the Day:

“I think I’ll get up at 9, pound back a few mimosas and drunk tweet the Barr presser.”

— Rick Wilson, GOP media guy, pundit.

Mood: “Every reporter who doesn’t cover Mueller knows that there is basically no route into the paper [today].” — Jim Tankersley, tax and economist reporter, NYT.

The Observers

“Barr has said at least three times that there’s no evidence of ‘Trump campaign collusion’ with Russian hacking.” — NYT Maggie Haberman, White House correspondent.

“Barr doesn’t actually have to do this. He could let the report speak for itself. But, ya know, audience of one and such.” — Sam Stein, The Daily Beast.

“Mueller just dropped a tactical nuke on the credibility of CNN and MSNBC.” — Jack Posobiec, One America News Network.

“Feel like a teenager who has been looking forward to losing their virginity for sooooo long. Jesus Christ, just release the report please god I beg you.” — Ben Dreyfuss, editorial director, Mother Jones.

“It’s like he’s reading out a series of prewritten Trump tweets, before letting the public read the report for itself.” — Susan Glasser, The New Yorker.

“The freak-out over the attorney general of the United States holding a press conference—yes, a press conference—is just the beginning of the ceaseless paranoia and hysteria that will attend the release of the Mueller report and its aftermath.” — Rich Lowry, editor, National Review.

“I’ve never seen so many journalists pissed off about a press conference.” — Chuck Ross, The Daily Caller News Foundation, on Wednesday night.

MSNBC host says he can read

“WE CAN ALL READ VERY WELL, JUST GIVE US THE REPORT PLEASE AND THANK YOU.” — Chris Hayes, MSNBC, on Wednesday night at 7:02 p.m.

Q for the masses: “Can we get our Uranium back now?” — Patrick Howley, EIC, Big League Politics.

Warnings for journalists…

“A note of caution as the news breaks [today]: those who read fast don’t always read best.” — Dan Rather, longtime TV newsman.

“HEY DON’T WRITE HEADLINES AND CHYRONS BASED ON WHAT BARR SAYS SORRY FOR YELLING BUT THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT THANK YOU.” — Sen. Brian Schatz (D-Hawaii).

“Be smart people if you are going to use Twitter as your barometer ignore hot takes they are what they are. Focus on the facts you also know what they are. Mute inferences, trust instincts, recognize the spin that has already poisoned the air & most importantly simmer down.” — Salena Zito, Washington Examiner reporter, NYP columnist.

“Note to media—they are trying to manipulate you. But they can’t. Only you can allow yourself to be manipulated. It’s up to you.” — Joe Lockhart, former White House press secretary.

“I’m annoyed in advance at the credulous headlines and tweets that will come from Barr’s press conference before anyone has read the report. Again. And those headlines will likely carry the day. Again.” — Jon Favreau, former speechwriter to former President Obama.

ADVICE for journalists: Don’t go to Barr’s presser

“Then maybe don’t go? Don’t cover it live? Don’t be party to what is obviously a game. There are multiple ways to cover stories without the countdown clock and breathlessness of the anchors speculating with guests who know nothing. Reporters. Actually. Have. A. Choice.” — Soledad O’Brien, ex-CNNer who runs Starfish Media Group.

The whole world notices that Deputy AG Rod Rosenstein’s blinking problem

I’d hate to have to stand there and simply just stare into space pic.twitter.com/Z0FYmhlyB6 — Mark S. Zaid (@MarkSZaidEsq) April 18, 2019

“Rod Rosenstein does not look like a man at peace.” — Ken Dilanian, NBC.

“The man doesn’t blink.” — Kurt Bardella, D.C. publicist and writer of Morning Hangover, a country music newsletter. (RELATED: From One Breitbart Publicist to Another — ‘You Stink!’)

“Rod Rosenstein looks like a hostage here. Just sayin’. — The Nation‘s Joan Walsh with the observational skills of a teenager.

“Best part of today is Barr [heat-shielding] Rod Rosenstein around town like the wronged wife at his I’m so sorry presser.” — Josh Marshall, EIC, Talking Points Memo.

“Happiest day in Rod Rosenstein’s life.” — Charles Pierce, liberal writer, Esquire.

“I did a shot each time Rod Rosenstein moved any individual muscle and I’ve never been more sober.” — Philip Bump, reporter, The Washington Post.

“Attention, Rod Rosenstein: please blink twice if Barr is mischaracterizing the report.” — Brian Fallon, former national press secretary to Hillary Clinton‘s 2016 presidential campaign. (RELATED: Oh Boy, NYT Upsets Clinton Land)

“GUILTY! — Crooked Rod Rosenstein Stands Stone-faced, Sweating, Looks Close to Tears During AG Barr’s Presser on Mueller Special Counsel.” — Jim Hoft, editor, The Gateway Pundit, in the most far-fetched observation of Rosenstein. He was not close to tears.

Meghan McCain’s pal ‘Denise’ says she has been ‘sexually immoral’

“I don’t blame homosexuality for the decadence in our society. I blame our society for its pervasive embrace of sexual immorality. Once you become sexual moral relativists, glorifying all perversion from porn to BDSM, you open yourself up to anything and lose sight of the good.” — Denise McAllister, former contributor to The Federalist. “The problem is most all of us have been sexually immoral at one time or another. I certainly have. So we don’t want to talk about it because we feel like hypocrites. That’s why it’s so important to admit our sin, repent of it and then have the moral authority to speak against it.”

And this: “It’s fetch my husband beer time!”

Journo wants an audiobook of Mueller Report

“Would be nice to have an audiobook of the Mueller Report spoken by Robert Mueller.” — Steven Dennis, Bloomberg reporter.

Gossip Roundup

“I didn’t fill my cheeks. I, too, think they are too large but I’m gonna be super hot when I’m 80.” — Model/actress Chrissy Teigen in the aftermath of making TIME‘s Top 100 list.

“No one wants to smell your rotting corpse next door.” — Eddie Scarry, commentary writer, Washington Examiner, on how Washington handles its homeless situation. Here.

Daytime talk show host Wendy Williams gets more protection from her husband. Here.

Mayor Pete Buttigieg is a Phish head?! Here.

How to live… in the Hamptons this summer… Here.