NoLambo Partners Ltd. introduces a revolutionary new investment fund which allows new and naive investors to balance their catastrophic loss across many different coins. A fund which brings together the best shitcoins currently available.

Team

We have a 3 highly inexperienced investment analysts looking at ICO white papers each day to find you the best shitcoins available. True shitcoin unicorns. Our team are experts at glazing over completely made up technical nonsense in white papers, and are generally too embarrassed to ask when they come across something that makes no sense to them.

Tracy reading the KIN technical white-paper.

Tracy Stephens

Head of ICO Research

Tracy purchased 30BTC back in the day, spending half on the Silk Road for a big bag of skunk. Recently she went back to her bitcoin wallet and was very happy at how much it was worth. She was going to pay off her mortgage, but her husband convinced her of an ICO after a quick Google search, and they decided to go all in back in 2016. Since then they’ve never looked back (or forward).

“One day it will happen. It’s just a matter of being patient.”, Tracy.

Paul phoning Tracy with some good news. Electroneum.

Paul Smith

Senior ICO Investment Analyst

Paul was previously an unemployed salesman from Truro, Cornwall. Paul got into ICO’s watching YouTube and could see huge potential in getting rich very quickly. At the time Paul only had £153 to his name, but luckily Paul convinced his elderly deaf neighbour to put half her retirement fund into a guaranteed success ICO. So far that coin has lost -45.3% of it’s value. A pump happened last month which temporarily took the coin to 7x, but he was out shopping at the time.

“I’m waiting for 100X. That’s what I told her. So it has to happen…… Or I’m in the shit basically.”, Paul.

Gersom Bassey

Senior Scam Advisor

Gersom is an early pioneer of the famous “Black Money” internet scam. We found him in our spam email box and we made contact for his expert advice. He wanted 1 BTC initially, then after 3 further similar payments he agreed to meet us for 8 BTC in our London headquarters. His eye for finding exceptionally risky no-money-back ICO is truly well worth how much we had to pay him to come over 1st class.

Fund Portfolio

Here is a breakdown of our current portfolio.

Cash Grab ICOs: 39%

We generally try and find coins in this space that have had long drawn out ICO’s to generate the team as much money as possible from people who are completely new to the crypto landscape. Generally the teams should be equally as clueless about crypto as the investors to match our criteria. Usually when these coins hit an exchange, we will see an almost guaranteed drop in value, low volume and no buy wall due to everyone remotely interested having already purchased at “discount” prices during the ICO. This followed by many months of complete abandonment whilst the teams implement their grand plans on a beach somewhere with our money.

Outright Scams: 16%

When our research comes across clear scams we find that although quite risky, it’s important to diversify to have a true portfolio of the entire market. The criteria for this sector is that we attempt to wait until the project website has been completely offline for at least a month to invest, and their reddit channel feels like a war zone with investors walking around aimlessly blank faced with clear loss and disillusionment in their eyes.

“Utility” tokens: 35%

These coins represent teams who have gone the extra mile to cloak their real intentions… To make a shit-load of money. Their utility aspect is actually so convincing that disillusioned investors generally hand in their notice at work once they come across the website. They know in a few months there will be so much cash at their disposal they won’t know what to do with it.

Nice website: 10%

If we don’t have time to read the white paper or the first paragraph still doesn’t make sense after reading it 7 times, our strategy is to look at the website and measure it on the scale of attractiveness. 10% of our fund is made up from ICO’s who have clear HTML prowess.

UK Customers only— Shitcoin Basket Tracker

Our popular tracker fund takes the top 100 Shitcoins that have little or no volume at all into a fund which you can drip-feed your money into to save you time in the long run. So whilst the entire rest of the cryptocurrency markets is screaming ahead, you are safe in the knowledge that your regular investment is quite literally doing nothing, or at genuine risk.

Both funds will be available to invest in your children's Junior ISA or your elderly parent’s SIPP.

NoLambo Partners Ltd Team.