WASHINGTON—Following Sunday’s pathetic excuse for an agreement on raising the government’s borrowing limit, Democrats and Republicans took time to celebrate the meager, ineffective deal, calling it “a testament to the not-so-great things that can happen in Washington when both parties barely come together and agree to not really accomplish anything.” “It took months of phone calls, negotiations, and meetings, but finally we created a pretty sad version of a framework that, we’re happy to say, none of us is really proud of, and that doesn’t really do much to solve our country’s fiscal problems at all,” said House Speaker John Boehner, who gave a cheerful thumbs up and added that the sorry piece of legislation was expected to pass both houses of Congress with a really pitiful display of bipartisan support. “Once again, Democrats and Republicans have demonstrated why our mangled, fractured, barely functioning democracy is the greatest in the world.” At press time, members of both parties were trying to explain to their supporters how the budget agreement could in any possible way be construed as a victory for them.

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