It’s a common misconception that when being abused Buddhists are supposed to “just take it”, however this is not the case. Now the Buddha does not recommend you respond with anger, violence, or perform any unskillful acts in response to the person’s abuse, but you don’t need to accept it either. Lets go to the Suttas:



SN 7.2: Akkosa Sutta (Insult/Abuse)



On one occasion the Blessed One was dwelling at Rājagaha in the Bamboo Grove, the Squirrel Sanctuary. The brahmin Akkosaka Bhāradvāja, Bhāradvāja the Abusive, heard : 433 “It is said that the brahmin of the Bhāradvāja clan has gone forth from the household life into homelessness under the ascetic Gotama.” Angry and displeased, he approached the Blessed One and [162] abused and reviled him with rude, harsh words. When he had finished speaking, the Blessed One said to him: “What do you think, brahmin? Do your friends and colleagues, kinsmen and relatives, as well as guests come to visit you?”



“Sometimes they come to visit, Master Gotama.”



“Do you then offer them some food or a meal or a snack?”



“Sometimes I do, Master Gotama.”



“But if they do not accept it from you, then to whom does the food belong?”



“If they do not accept it from me, then the food still belongs to us.”



“So too , brahmin , we— who do not abuse anyone, who do not scold anyone, who do not rail against anyone— refuse to accept from you the abuse and scolding and tirade you let loose at us. It still belongs to you, brahmin! It still belongs to you, brahmin! “Brahmin, one who abuses his own abuser, who scolds the one who scolds him, who rails against the one who rails at him— he is said to partake of the meal, to enter upon an exchange. But we do not partake of your meal; we do not enter upon an exchange. It still belongs to you, brahmin! It still belongs to you, brahmin!”



It’s easy for us to strike back at our abusers, meet fire with fire, an eye for an eye. However it is a lot tougher, with no straight easy answers, to meet abuse with a mind of good will, and to not feel you have to “accept” that abuse. That is why this is a practice, but the Buddha has other things to say about anger that may help:



From the same sutta as above:



“He who repays an angry man in kind Is worse than the angry man; Who does not repay anger in kind, He alone wins the battle hard to win. He promotes the weal of both, His own, as well as of the other. Knowing that the other man is angry, He mindfully maintains his peace And endures the anger of both, His own, as well as of the other, Even if the people ignorant of true wisdom Consider him a fool thereby.”



Dhp XVII PTS: Dhp 221-234 Kodhavagga: Anger



221. One should give up anger, renounce pride, and overcome all fetters. Suffering never befalls him who clings not to mind and body and is detached.



222. He who checks rising anger as a charioteer checks a rolling chariot, him I call a true charioteer. Others only hold the reins.



223. Overcome the angry by non-anger; overcome the wicked by goodness; overcome the miser by generosity; overcome the liar by truth.