‘Every fascist movement needs scapegoats – transgender people are the perfect target’ When CN Lester was a child and people inquired as to their gender, they didn’t know how to respond. “I […]

When CN Lester was a child and people inquired as to their gender, they didn’t know how to respond. “I would say, ‘I don’t feel like a boy and I don’t feel like a girl – I don’t know’”.

“It can be very frustrating when people who have heard about the topic in recent years weigh in as if they have the answer to every question”

This, of course, simply would not do. “People were always trying to push [me] for a definitive answer. All I could think to say was, ‘I don’t know, but I know [that] I don’t know.’”

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Looking back now, Lester, 33, an accomplished composer, musician and academic, recalls being “so full of questions and feelings that I just didn’t have any words for”.

It seemed to Lester as though they were “the only person in the whole world” to experience this.

Stop talking and start listening

They eventually realised they were grasping for was “transgender” – it was “a magical moment” but it took a lot of digging to get there.

Today “transgender” is something of a buzzword – high profile figures such as Caitlyn Jenner have helped thrust the existence of trans people into the spotlight; suddenly everyone is an expert.

“It’s really important for people who think transgenderism is new to realise that being new to them is hardly the same thing as being new to society”

“It’s really important for people who think it’s new to realise that being new to them is hardly the same thing as being new to society,” Lester observes drily.

“It can be very frustrating when people who have heard about the topic in recent years, or even recent months…weigh in as if they have the answer to every question.”

Partly as an antidote to self-proclaimed experts foaming at the mouth as they attempt to argue that people like Lester should be banished from public toilets, or are indoctrinating innocent children with their deviant lifestyles, the writer has penned a book Trans Like Me: A Journey For All of Us, in which they explore the most pressing issues affecting transgender people, weaving in their own experience of what it means for them to be transgender.

They, their and them

The very fact that in these passages Lester is referred to as “they” may be viewed as a topic for debate by some readers.

“This isn’t about the language. This is about you being uncomfortable with what I’m expressing”

For them, the question of gender-neutral pronouns ought to be a non-issue. That some people would rather not make the effort to use “they”, “their” or “them” speaks volumes, Lester believes.

“I’ve always found when it comes to adopting language we [do so] quite seamlessly if it’s something we want to know and we want to be able to express. If it’s something we’re fundamentally uncomfortable with…then we’ll reject the language.

“When it comes to adopting language we do so quite seamlessly if it’s something we want to know. If it’s something we’re fundamentally uncomfortable with we’ll reject the language”

“When someone says to me ‘You’re making life harder for me, I need you to be “he” or “she”’, I’m walking away going, ‘This isn’t about the language. This is about you being uncomfortable with what I’m expressing.’”

Slipping up from time to time is understandable, Lester says, especially when people aren’t used to using such language.

But being on the receiving end of an innocent mistake feels markedly different to hearing somebody insist they simply cannot get to grips with what is merely a simple linguistic adjustment, they say.

My genitals are none of your business

Most people would find it disturbing to be interrogated by complete strangers about their genitals just once; for Lester it is a regular occurrence. When you’re trans, standard etiquette frequently goes out the window.

“When someone is seen as not quite as human as someone else, they get asked intrusive questions”

“It can be heartbreaking,” they say. “The whole idea of what questions are polite and considerate is linked to whether we see someone as worthy of respect.

“When someone is seen as not quite as human as someone else, they get asked intrusive questions.

“It’s as though their curiosity is more important than any of the rules about social interaction that they’ve been taught’”

“It’s almost like [their attitude is] ‘You are so different to me that my curiosity is more important than any of the rules about social interaction that I’ve been taught.’”

Some people dispense with conversation altogether and “literally just grab”.

Transgender people are perfect scapegoats

Harassment, assault, discrimination and violence against transgender people are commonplace.

Yet all too often it is trans people who are treated with suspicion and fear. Lester has spent years considering this state of affairs.

“Society has been primed by decades of transphobia to regard trans people as freaks, perverts and predators”

No sooner had President Trump barreled into the Oval Office than he rescinded protections for transgender people introduced by his predecessor which allowed them to use public toilets that corresponded with their gender identity, rather than that which was assigned to them at birth.

“Every authoritarian or fascist movement needs scapegoats”

“I think every authoritarian or fascist movement needs scapegoats,” Lester says. “Trans people are perfect scapegoats.”

Society has been “primed by decades of transphobia” to regard trans people as “freaks and perverts and predators”, they point out.

Stirring up hatred in Trump’s America

“Suddenly you’ve got this idea of this deceptive, deviant monster creeping into your public space, possibly to abuse you.

“I genuinely think this straw man argument of trans people and bathrooms is a way of stirring up hatred as a way of unifying people.”

Do you know how many trans people were murdered since Election Day? Do you know how many veterans killed themselves? — Danielle Muscato (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

Lester finds the transphobic vitriol across the Atlantic, and at home, “very, very scary”. But they refuse to be cowed.

They proudly celebrate their trans identity and hopes other people – young and old – anxiously concealing theirs might be able to do the same.

Never too late to find happiness

In Trans Like Me Lester recounts the “extraordinary sensation” of adjusting to their physical transition after surgery: “My mother, seeing my face for the first time…said she had never seen me smile so wholeheartedly before. It was like waking up well after an interminable illness.”

“There are so many amazing trans people out there waiting to welcome you with open arms”

It’s never too late for a trans person to seize their happiness, Lester promises. “There are so many amazing trans people out there who understand and care and won’t give up on you…[They are] waiting to welcome you with open arms.”

‘Trans Like Me: A Journey for All of Us’ is published by Virago, £13.99

@kt_grant