Unless you grew up in Pennsylvania, Maryland, Cincinnati, or whatever the “Tri-City area” is, it’s more or less impossible to hate the Cleveland Browns, right? Aside from Browns fans typically also being Ohio State fans, the typical reaction to finding out someone you know likes the Browns usually comes down to “Oh, buddy...”

Now take Cleveland’s reliably hysterical left tackle Joe Thomas, put it together with ESPN’s BREAKING NEWS SOMETIMES SMART PEOPLE ARGUE WITH EACH OTHER bombshell last Friday, and you’ve got a guaranteed snort-laugh.

Let’s get started with what’s grinding everybody’s gears: why only a second round pick for Garoppolo?

You must be Bill Belichecks secretary then, fielding all of his trade offers, since you know that nobody offered more than a 2 for @JimmyG_10?! You don’t think there would have been 3/4 teams in the spring who would have given a 1 for him, once @patriots franchised him ala Cassel https://t.co/A5pIhgx9q9 — Joe Thomas (@joethomas73) January 7, 2018

But didn’t the Browns offer MULTIPLE FIRST ROUND PICKS and LeBron’s autograph??

They never offered @JimmyG_10 to the @Browns this fall. They dealt him to @49ers without taking bids. They were concerned that trading him to a team without stability could lead him to signing with an AFC East team in 2018. https://t.co/Lnnv0s1tx5 — Joe Thomas (@joethomas73) January 7, 2018

Then he would be the mistake that beat them twice a year for the next 10 years. They thought that highly of @JimmyG_10 — Joe Thomas (@joethomas73) January 7, 2018

Nothing like a mistake that haunts you for 10 years like an ex that still all goes to the same bars that you do, am I right??

Then Joe moves on to the “Why didn’t Bill pump the 49ers for everything they would possibly give for Jimmy G, like this is a Madden trade or something?” angle:

I’m sorry, that’s just not how things work in the NFL. This isn’t @pawnstars , these GMs are smart people and don’t just jump on the first offer they get for players. There was a specific reason the patriots traded him to 49ers, however 2nd rd pick was too low. https://t.co/erppzstzYp — Joe Thomas (@joethomas73) January 7, 2018

Could’ve probably worked the market at least a bit better, though.

Agreed, and, even if they wouldn’t have ever traded him to Cleveland, they would have been able to raise the price received from the 49ers. https://t.co/bkK5xcxC7M — Joe Thomas (@joethomas73) January 7, 2018

And now, ladies and gents, the pièce de résistance:

I believe the following;

1) Bill loved Jimmy, wanted him to succeed 2) Bill loves Kyle, thinks he’ll succeed. 3) Bill thought that if he sent @JimmyG_10 somewhere with instability, he would sign with an Afc east team in 2018 and beat the Pats 2x every year for the next 10+ yrs https://t.co/oZaPuhmGNz — Joe Thomas (@joethomas73) January 7, 2018

Call it confirmation bias if you’d like, but this is the correct take on the Garoppolo trade, with all due respect to our Fan Notes From the Game maestro Alec Shane.

Now that we’ve got that, feel free to move on to your regularly scheduled “Joe Thomas to the Patriots in 2018” rumors.