I have only spoken about this to close friends, but hopefully by sharing my story others can relate.

Puberty was not kind to me. From middle school, throughout high school, and even onto college, I have had incredibly intense acne. Whatever acne treatment or medication is out there, I have probably done it.

I have gone to many dermatologists and each have prescribed me an arsenal of topical treatments, birth control, antibiotics, and Acutane. (By the way, Acutane, is an pretty intense drug where you need to be monitored and schedule monthly blood tests. If you are impregnated while on the medication, the child will have birth defects.) For a while, my face was covered with painful acne nodules where it looked like bubbles were forming under my skin. In middle school, the reason I cut bangs was to cover my forehead acne, which of course, made it all worse. Also, at some points, my acne got so bad that my face just looked entirely red. Trying to cover it with makeup just made me break out even more.

Acne KILLED my self esteem.

Here’s a few things I avoided because of my acne:

1. Taking photos / being in videos

I never wanted to take photos of myself unless it was from far away or I could edit out the acne. Also, my friends would often ask me to be in videos to support causes or events, but I declined for fear that everyone would see my skin condition. I cannot even find a photo that shows how bad my acne got because I have deleted them all. (If I do end up hunting one down, I’ll edit this post to show you.)

2. Trying out for drama club

I was afraid to try out for drama club because on stage, my acne would be there for the world to see. This also extended to anything performance in nature or anything where I had a prominent front and center role.

3. Approaching boys I liked

Don’t even mention approaching boys. For a while (throughout middle school, high school, and bits of college), it was unfathomable to me that any boy could have some sort of physical attraction or romantic interest in me. In my mind, who the heck would be attracted to a girl who had acne all over her face?

Acne was this HUGE weight constantly dragging down my self worth.

It was not something that I could hide with clothes, and too intense to hide with makeup. It was also something that was on the main feature you notice when speaking to someone: my face. Every time I was talking to someone, I thought that (s)he was looking at my acne. In many ways, acne mentally crippled me.

Then freshman year of college rolled around. And I had had enough. This was my chance to reinvent myself. It was a gradual change, but I acknowledged my insecurities. Accepted them for what they were, and told myself I would not let them affect any of my decisions.

This is not by any means saying that I am totally confident and no longer am insecure about my skin. Quite the contrary. I am still incredibly insecure about my skin. But, I have consciously recognized that this is something out of my control and will subside in due time.

In the dating realm, I forced myself to be more forward with guys that I was interested in. Leadership wise, I took on more roles. (I have decided against trying out for drama club because the interest is no longer there.) This year, I took more up close, unedited photos of myself.

Granted, right now, my acne has gotten considerably better, and I am taking another round of antibiotics. However, my skin is far from flawless. Its dotted with scars, uneven & dark pigmentation left from years of acne trauma. Sometimes, I still do break out. But, I have come to a point at which I am at peace with my skin.

Here’s a photo of me now

Regardless, I feel beautiful.

My message for those going through some rough acne flares is this, you will get through it. Do not let acne hold you or your self confidence back. Above all else, don’t let it prevent you from doing things you would otherwise do without acne.

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