Streamlined Ceremony: To Save Time The Oscars Are Ditching The Award Show And Instead Will Just Post An Excel Spreadsheet Listing All The Winners

It’s no secret that the Academy had trouble finding a host for this year’s Oscars, but fortunately that won’t be a problem anymore. To streamline the infamously long ceremony, the Oscars will ditch the awards show entirely and instead post a simple Microsoft Excel spreadsheet listing all the winners.

Smart idea! Instead of having a host present an expensive four-hour ceremony, now everyone can quickly glance at a doc to find out who is taking home Hollywood’s highest honor.

“This is the 21st century, and computers exist now,” explained the Academy in a press release announcing the improved Oscars. “There’s no reason to force millions of people to turn on a TV and watch boring celebrities banter with each other for ages just to get a very small amount of information that can easily be displayed in a few Excel columns and rows. On February 24, just log on to Oscars.org and press the “download” button to open the .xls file on your computer and see which actors and filmmakers will be receiving an Oscar in the mail.”

Awesome! Now watching the Oscars will only take you a few convenient seconds. Best of all, the Oscars spreadsheet entirely eliminates the need to find a host!

Although most of the usual Oscars ceremony will be skipped, the In Memoriam segment is sticking around as a second worksheet page, and you can view everyone that died by clicking the tab on the bottom of your screen. That’s much quicker than playing movie clips accompanied by sad music!

Now that watching the Oscars won’t eat up your whole evening and has been condensed to an Excel file, you have a new reason to actually tune in this year. Hollywood’s biggest night just got better than ever!