Hello and Happy New Year! It has been a painfully long while since I last wrote anything on here, so I decided I better jump on the new year’s resolution bandwagon and write something damn it! I have actually written or started writing multiple posts in the past few months, but decided not to publish them at this point in time. So they are sitting safely in my drafts folder, waiting patiently for a time that may or may not come.

But except for a couple of unpublished posts, I just haven’t been inspired to write. I’ve wanted to write, but writing just for the sake of it does not usually amount to much. I’ve had ideas, but either not enough to expand into anything meaningful, or no motivation to make the effort to actually bring it to fruition. Yep, 2016 has been a year rife with writer’s block and a vague feeling of discontentment. Or is it disappointment? Disillusionment? Anxiety? I’m having trouble putting my finger on it, but it has been a lingering and reoccurring bad feeling.

Call it a quarter life crisis of sorts; a dissatisfaction with how things are and an overwhelming desire for change. Ironic, considering I am now working full time and actually using my degree and making money and helping people, in a good job that I am very fortunate to have as a new graduate. But all I can think about is “what’s next?” And it’s scary that there is nothing next. What’s next is whatever we decide to do next. What’s next is anyone’s guess.

And I know that the responsible thing to do now would be to stay put exactly where we are and keep doing what we’re doing. Work. Gain experience. Stay at your job for at least one year, preferably two. But I’m tired of always doing the ‘responsible thing’. We’ve worked hard, gotten married, held off on having kids, finished college/uni, found respectable employment, paid taxes. Can we do something irresponsible yet? Quit our jobs and move to a new country? Do something fun for a while? Man, I sound burnt out already and I’m just beginning my career. Work shouldn’t be this hard should it? Becoming a writer is looking really good just about now. Preferably for a lifestyle magazine or tabloid, something light and mildly interesting. A job where I do my own thing and don’t have to worry about anyone else’s problems would be great, thanks.

It’s not just not knowing what I want to do or be that has got me stressed out — it’s also not knowing where to live. Now that I’ve got my Australian citizenship, there’s nothing keeping us here anymore. It’s not that it’s bad here, but the plan has always been to live elsewhere once I got citizenship. Most of our family doesn’t live here, and we don’t have kids or pets to tie us down. February will be six years living in Sydney. Six. Years. And now we both have decent jobs and friends, we could very comfortably live here for the rest of our lives. And I guess that is the question to ask — Do we want a life of comfort and stability or a life of risk and adventure? It’s never really been a question for us, we’ve always known we wouldn’t stay in one place for too long. And yet here we still are, six years on.

I do know I’m not the only one out there that feels like this. Plenty of people in their twenties to thirties feel restless and simultaneously stuck. It’s hard because you don’t know if it’s a case of “the grass is greener on the other side” mentality or if things really would be better if you made a change. When I was 18 I was desperate to get out of the USA and move to Sydney. I remember my older sister saying to me, “Just because you move somewhere else doesn’t necessarily mean you will be happier.” I have often thought back on those words. No amount of moving or change can solve the problem of discontentment.

There are a few things that seem to help when I feel like I’m in a quarter-life crisis:

Appreciate the little wins — There are some days after work where I’m driving home, and I’m trying to switch off and not think about work, but I just feel numb from stress and cannot think about anything else. And I think to myself, “If every day was this hard, I would not last long.” But then there are other days that are really good. Days when I know that something I’ve done has made things a bit better for someone. And it helps to notice and appreciate the little wins.

Be thankful — I know that I have it good, really good. In the midst of all the stress and anxiety and fear and dread that I sometimes feel, just taking time to be thankful for all the good things in my life helps me re-anchor myself and realize that things really aren’t so bad.

I have a choice — Not everyone can choose to quit their job. Not everyone can just walk away from the difficulties they’re dealing with. Not everyone can move and live in a different country. But I do have a choice. I’m not stuck, I’m just choosing to stay right now.

It builds character –It might sound like something your parents would say to you when they made you wash the dishes, but persevering through trials builds character. Being able to reflect and knowing that the difficulties you’re experiencing right now will make you a stronger, more mature and competent person down the track is motivation to keep going.

Things wont always be this way — Just because you feel a certain way right now doesn’t mean you always will. Things change. People change. Feelings change. Good or bad, it won’t always be this way.