One of the other things I didn’t realise was how many toys I’d be demonstrating with. I was told to bring over whatever toys I was comfortable with, but I assumed this just meant whatever toys I masturbate with regularly. But it turned out that literally everything I mentioned during my interview process, they wanted demo footage of. This meant that each time they passed me a new toy for me to start wanking with, I’d just sit there and silently think “mother always said my big mouth would get me in trouble one day”.

In hindsight I do regret that I wasn’t able to overcome my nerves and awkwardness better. By the day after the shoot I felt like I was ready to go back and give a repeat performance, one where I could be more engaged, and look less like the world’s most awkward porn star. There’s no real reference point for what body language to use when you’re staring down the barrel of a camera, with one end of a strapless strap-on inside you, and the other end waving around like you’ve spontaneously grown a giant purple dick, and you can’t figure out how to address the elephant (dick) in the room. It feels kind of weird to just leave a giant purple erection between your legs as though it’s an ornamental vase on a dresser. Like, should I stroke it? But also...doing that while making direct eye contact with my heavily pregnant interviewer…