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My one-month $15,000 legal bill, blue balls and Gary Kasparov, my problem with Sateen sheets, the Smurflings were whack, Status Quo bias, Lagavulin says Nick Rekieta drinks their Scotch wrong, the taxes that boil us slowly, Bunty King calls in, the death of humor on the Internet, Digibro and Mumkey Jones’ fall out and who is the Maddox, defending the indefensible, I am worse than (virtual) child porn in some circles, interrupting Dad’s sexy time, the advent rage calendar, and five million downloads, and my latest legal bill; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

$15,000 is what I paid in legal bills this month, and I can’t help but wonder, how many little girls could I have taught to code with that money? How many perfectly mentally healthy men could I have helped chopped the dicks off of; or completely mentally unhealthy men could I have rehabilitated out of their toxic masculinity? How many kids could I have helped through college because IQ tests are illegal? Better yet, how many illegal immigrants could I have done the same for? How many cops could I have paid to limit my access to the drugs that make the tyrannical wringing of my bones until money drips out bearable? How many ways can we all get fucked? Let me count them because it’s a hell of a lot more than what’s on the bill I just got.

Thank you to everyone who is and has been supporting Asterios and I through this asinine farce of a lolsuit. I know Asterios appreciates it even though he can’t comment on the case. Once again, all party’s Motions for Ass-Devastation have been postponed, and while it may feel like a kick in the tip of the penis, the resolution to this financially ruining assuaging of Maddox’s enormous and cancerous ego is ending. You can feel it ending as the motions become shorter, as civility degrades, and as the wicked are driven into a desperate frenzy by the gravity of their failure. It is ending, and when it does, I think some people will suffer permanent consequences and “Heather S” may cost someone their job after all, but I don’t think it’s who “she” intended. So enjoy! We’ll all miss it when it’s over, but first…

The Status Quo Bias makes me a rage this week. It’s why we tip, it’s why we go to college, it’s why we don’t go after anyone who is “out of our league”, it’s why we tax, it’s why we don’t have a problem with advertising companies data mining the size of our cocks, and if there was a pill to make us immune to it, I’m sure it would be illegal–because things that are good for us and bad for them always are. That’s the Status Quo. It’s a religion and a The Matrix and yolk rolled into one and each day we wake up, strap it onto our necks, and do a bunch of humanity-destroying shit we hate just because we did it yesterday. People say that those who don’t learn history are doomed to repeat it, but I’m starting to think it’s the learning that does the dooming, but that’s probably crazy, because the only way around it would be for all of us to debate both sides of every issue, and we already know no one wants that.

Here is Digibro and the Pro Crastinator’s three-hour academic lecture/character study on the history of Hot Goss, The Biggest Problem in the Universe, The Dick Show, and even some guesses on why Sean hasn’t recorded any music.



“I Was Heather, Buddy” by KenDollInHide.



“The Bicycle Boys” by MC MC, fet. KenDollInHide and samglaze. Wow!



“Lookin At Dick’s Patreon” by Ethan Cantrell.



And “Five Million” by lakembra.



Dick Pics



Thumbnail by HeHeSillyComics.



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