Chapter Text

Peridot met her first two real friends at Strawberry Field Psychiatric Hospital not long after being admitted.

Her eyes were still stinging red with tears after ... everything . Rainwater dripped from her saturated greenish-brown jacket onto the floor. Her glasses were so fogged over she had to squint to see.

She was following a nurse, a tall skinny woman in light blue scrubs who introduced herself as Pearl. ( First name basis , Peridot grumbled internally. Seems slightly unprofessional . ) Peridot almost didn’t want to walk because she just felt weighed down by ... well ... life , but what choice did she have? She knew if she left now, she’d probably just feel even worse and if she felt even worse, she might actually go through with--

No . That if didn’t matter, Peridot told herself. She admitted herself. She was going to be stuck here for a while by her own choice. And even if she changed her mind, they wouldn’t let her leave if she was still ... unwell . It was better this way, she thought. Kept her from doing anything stupid. Aside from the whole ruining her own life at every point before this.

“Now that we’ve gotten you processed,” Pearl said, “I’m going to get you a change of clothes. You’ll catch a cold if you stay in those clothes.”

Peridot brushed her sopping blonde hair away and peaked over her glasses at the nurse.

“That’s not how you get a cold ...” Peridot muttered.

Pearl gently giggled.

“That’s true,” Pearl said. “But the sentiment gets the point across for most.”

“Just unusual for a nurse to say something medically inaccurate ...” added Peridot, under her breath..

“Hm?” Pearl whirled around. “What was that?”

“I said yes, I would like some clothes please.”

“Excellent!” She smiled. It didn’t look fake , but something about the perceived superiority lurking behind it made Peridot instantly hate her. Peridot couldn’t pinpoint what exactly. Certainly she’d been wrong about interpreting other people’s feelings before. But Peridot swore she could look in Pearl’s eyes and just tell she was looking down on her and ...

And why not? Peridot felt lower than scum. After everything she’d put herself through after everything she’d put ...

Put others through ...

After all that, she deserved to be looked down on. She deserved to stay in her stupid soaking clothes that she stupidly got wet when she went out, crying, and tried to--

“You just wait right here,” Pearl said, interrupting Peridot’s destructive train of thought. Pearl gently led Peridot to a couch, an old white one dotted with holes oozing yellow stuffing. No one else was around, even though it appeared to be a large common room. “There’s a TV right there. Don’t worry, everyone on this wing is still at recreational therapy at the moment, so I doubt anyone will bother you. You’ll be fine.”

Alone. Great. Super. Exactly what Peridot was afraid of. Being alone.

“That’s reassuring ...” she mumbled. She found it hard to raise her voice much higher than that. She’d saved all the screaming she had left in her for her outburst at the front desk..

“Good.” Pearl quickly disappeared around the corner. She wasn’t far enough that Peridot couldn’t hear her speak to someone around the corner, though the words were indistinct. A moment later, a large buff woman with dreadlocks appeared from behind the same corner. Seems like despite insisting Peridot would be fine, Pearl wasn’t confident enough to leave Peridot unattended.

Or, Peridot wondered, maybe Pearl just got someone to watch her because she’s a... risk . Peridot shrunk her head in her shoulders.

The large woman, to Peridot’s surprise, smiled and gave a thumbs up.

Peridot, who felt like she didn’t have the mental energy required to lift her arm, gave a small nod. The woman appeared satisfied by that, then looked over at the slightly older, burnt-in television mounted on the wall in front of the couch. Peridot followed her gaze.

When Peridot realized it was playing Camp Pining Hearts (specifically episode 1F06, The Sack Race), she felt a pit form in her stomach. That was her favorite show in the world, but seeing Percy and Pierre just made Peridot think of ...

Of the fact she used to watch it with someone until just recently. Until Peridot ruined everything. She didn’t want to ruine everything, really. She had only wanted to be honest! Was that so wrong? She thought everything would be fine but--

But nothing was fine. Nothing was fine and the show kept coming on as if it was still happy and carefree escapist entertainment. Which it should have been but wasn’t. She resented it, that the entire world could keep spinning and pretend that it was still unchanged even as Peridot felt as if her once solid ground was crumbling underneath her every second she was alone with her thoughts.

Peridot hated this. This was a mistake. This place can’t help her, maybe nothing can. She wanted to run back out the front door, while she still had a chance ...

“Hey.”

Peridot turned and saw a boy standing by her, wearing a slightly oversized pink shirt and old jeans. Curly black hair rested atop a kind face with a broad smile. He was not as old as Peridot, definitely not in his twenties, but not far from it.

He waved, despite being a few feet away.

Peridot gulped. She glanced over at the large woman, who just nodded and kept smiling, as if trying to reassure Peridot this was all fine. Peridot didn’t feel especially reassured.

The boy followed Peridot’s gaze and tilted his head.

“ Oh, I get it.” He chuckled. “Don’t worry. Bismuth knows I’m not going to do anything. No one tries anything with Bismuth around. She’s real good at chasing people.”

Bismuth, far away but not out of earshot, let out a hearty laugh. It was a pleasant enough laugh, but the levity of it perplexed Peridot. What’s with this attitude? Don’t either of them realize where they were?

The boy put his arms behind his back and leaned forward.

“My name is Steven. What’s your name?”

Peridot narrowed her eyes, pushing her glasses down as the fog on them started to dissipate. Despite feeling like she hardly wanted to speak to anyone ever again, something about the positive energy coming from the boy compelled her to answer.

“Peridot,” she said weakly.

He closed his eyes and broadened his grin.

“That’s a cool name,” he said. “Well ... welcome here!” He gestured up towards the ceiling with both hands.

Peridot’s eyes drew down to the floor.

“ Thanks ...” she mumbled.

Steven’s smile faded slowly.

“Um ...” His voice was more dire. “Look ... I know it can be hard coming here. I don’t want to be rude, so I won’t ask you what you’re in for--”

“ Good ,” Peridot said sharply, glaring up without meaning to.

Steven blinked, but didn’t seem deterred or ever offended. He kept going.

“But .... I just wanna let you know it’s not so bad.” He stifled a humorless chuckle. “This place pretty much feels like home to me! Maybe it’ll be like that for you.”

Peridot’s gaze softened then slowly fell away.

“But you know ...” Steven went on, “I’ve been here for a while and I just want you to know if you need any help, just ask me.” His cheerful expression returned as he added, “Or Lars!”

“Lars?” Peridot raised an eyebrow.

“Steven, don’t make people think I’m nice. It’s rude and I don’t appreciate it.”

Peridot whipped around and saw a tall lanky boy, clearly older than Steven but not by much. His earlobes had wide visible holes in them where gauges probably should have been. (Peridot figured they didn’t allow those here.) He had on casual clothes like Steven, a plain white shirt and jeans. But the most striking thing about him was a thin scar along his right eye.

He hopped over the couch on the end opposite of Peridot. Peridot quickly looked to Bismuth, who just smiled and nodded..

Peridot clicked her tongue. Not that Peridot felt unsafe, but Bismuth seemed to be disturbingly lax about keeping an eye out for her.

Steven laughed when he saw Lars before glancing back at Peridot..

“Don’t listen to him,” Steven said. Despite what Lars says, he loves helping people.”

“I’m going to sue you for slander when I get out of here, I swear to God,” Lars said, but with a faint smile on his lips. He pulled out a small notepad from his pocket that had a pink crayon in its spiral. He didn’t look at Peridot at all, only raising his voice to make it clear he was talking to her. “What did you say your name was?”

“Um ... Peridot,” she replied. “Why are you--”

“No reason,” Lars said, jotting something down, before putting the notebook and crayon back in his pocket.

O... kay ... Peridot thought.

As if nothing had happened, Lars looked at the TV.

“Is this a new episode?” Lars said, nodding.

Steven opened his mouth to answer, but despite herself, the boiling passion of Peridot’s fan devotion erupted.

“ What ?” Peridot almost shouted. Steven flinched back. He looked over at Bismuth and Steven held his hand up like he were saying “Stop”, but Peridot was too riled up to worry about that.

“What kind of question is that?” She went on at Lars. “The show ended seven years ago! This is a season one episode, as any real fan could tell by the presence of the old costumes and the fact that Pierre is still in the cast before his departure that ruined the show and, by extension, Western civilization as a whole ! They don’t have any new episodes! Unless you count the reboot, which nobody does or should!”

Steven stared at Peridot, astounded. Peridot had even surprised herself. Her heart was pounding now, but not unpleasantly. Peridot hadn’t felt this alive in hours-- no, not hours, weeks . Granted it was because of her getting riled up over a TV show, but she’d take what she could get.

Lars had a much more muted reaction. He narrowed his eyes at Peridot.

“They’re all new episodes to me ,” he said slowly.

Peridot calmed down. She almost detected a hint of ... was that bitterness? Why? Maybe Peridot had gone too far.

Steven, still shocked and wide-eyed, let out a nervous laugh.

“HA. Hahahaha... g-good one, Lars. Always with the edgy humor, that Lars.”

Peridot raised an eyebrow.

“What, edgy? What was edgy about--”

“Well anyway, it’s really good to meet you!” Steven blurted rapidly, a bead of sweat dripping down his face. “Just ask us if you need anything at all and we’ll look out for you.”

Peridot looked from Steven to Lars. Lars shrugged noncommittally. As strange as it might sound that gesture made Peridot feel more reassured than Steven’s kind but overwhelming friendliness. He also didn’t seem to look at Peridot with any anger or hatred. Maybe there hadn’t been any bitterness at all and Peridot had just been misreading things.

To Peridot’s own surprise, she realized she was smiling. It wasn’t a big one, but it was there. When was the last time she smiled? Weeks ago? She honestly couldn’t remember ...

“Thanks ...” Peridot said, her voice now at normal volume. It seemed to take less effort to speak now. “I’ll ... try to keep that in mind.”

Peridot heard the scuff of shoes against the tile and whipped around to see Pearl approaching with a folded set of light green hospital scrubs. She gave a glance to Bismuth as she walked past. The large woman tilted her head down, her face slightly red for some reason.

“Well!” Pearl said with a smile, her gaze passing over Lars and Steven. “I can see you’ve already made a few friends.” She reached out and gently ruffled Steven’s hair. He giggled.

The smile that Peridot had on her face faded at the sight of Pearl. She said nothing.

“Here’s your clothes,” Pearl said. “I’ll show you to your room so you can get changed. Then I’ll briefly go over what your schedule tomorrow will look like and I’ll find out what time you’ll see your doctor. We can get Dr. Brooks to see you as soon as possible--.”

Peridot furrowed her brow.

“Can’t all that wait until morning?” Peridot said.

Pearl raised a finger and shook her head.

“I assure you, establishing routine and structure as soon as possible will make you feel so much better. Let you get nice and calm after coming off of such high tensions...”

Peridot flashed back to how she had been only an hour before, when she reached the front desk, her face wet with rain and tears, blubbering like a baby..

“ Please, I can’t go back to my place alone, I don’t know what I’ll do, please help me!” She had said, shouting at the airheaded receptionist before she doubled over on the desk and in a whimper repeated, “Please ...”

Peridot shook her head, then glared at Pearl.

“Yes, alright, fine, whatever.” She reached out and snatched the clothes.

Pearl flinched for just a second, before forcing a small smile.

“ You’re welcome, ” she said.

Peridot grumbled, before she heard Steven’s throat clear.

“It’s okay,” Steven said. “I’m sure you’ll get settled in really quick. We’ll see you tomorrow.” He waved.

Still sitting on the couch watching TV, Lars lazily waved his arm at her too.

Peridot’s rage at Pearl subsided quickly just being reminded the other two were there.

“I’ll ... try ...” she said. “Thank you.”

Pearl touched Peridot’s shoulder. Peridot quickly shook it off and followed Pearl as she started down the hall.

Bismuth gave Peridot another thumbs up as she passed. Peridot only stared and kept walking.

The hallways had murals of strawberries painted along them, like they were at a kindergarten. Peridot probably would have been more annoyed by that were it not for the surprisingly good experience she’d just had.

“I’m actually glad you got to meet Steven and Lars,” Pearl said, walking in front of Peridot. “Steven especially.” She raised her head proudly. “He’s a model patient and he has such a way with making others feel welcome.”

“I thought you said no one would bother me,” Peridot snarked.

“Well ... it didn’t seem like you were bothered.”

It was at that moment Peridot came to a startling realization. Between that comment and Bismuth’s lax behavior, Peridot realized Pearl hadn’t just allowed that meeting to happen; she had intended it. Of course she couldn’t prove it, but it was the most logical conclusion. She wanted that to happen because ... because what, exactly? Make Peridot feel more relaxed? Docile? Less of a headache for her to deal with personally? So what if it had made her feel more relaxed, the act still reeked of manipulation. This nurse wasn’t just smug, she was a liar too.

Maybe all this was a mistake after all.

But then ... Steven and Lars had her feel less alone. After all, both of them had seemed fairly nice, not intimidating in the slightest.

But it was only then another thought occurred to her, one that should have been obvious.

They were both patients at the psychiatric hospital like Peridot. So ... as carefree as Steven had seemed and how casual Lars had seemed ... they were here for something . And just talking to them, Peridot had no idea what.

But she brushed it off. They seemed fine. They might have finished treatment. She shouldn’t obsess over other people’s personal problems right now when she was supposed to be focusing on her own. After all, like Steven had said, probing too deeply would be rude.

Besides ... she was sure they were fine.

Steven waved as Peridot walked down the hall. He sighed.

“Well ... she seemed really nice,” Steven said. “What do you think Lars?”

There was no answer. Steven’s heart skipped a beat. He turned around.

“Lars?”

Lars was staring vacantly at the TV. When he caught eyes with Steven, he blinked.

Oh jeez , Steven thought.

“I ... huh?” Lars clutched his head, just like always. “Who seemed nice?”

Steven gulped. It always hurt him to see Lars like this, but he tried to steel himself. He couldn’t let Lars feel worse by letting on how he felt, after all. That wasn’t what Lars needed; his own feelings were secondary.

“You know ... Peridot?” Steven said slowly. “The nice lady who just walked down that way?”

Lars stared at him, the confusion evident on his face.

“Check your book,” Steven said, nodding and gesturing to Lars’s jeans.

“My book?” Lars said. He patted himself, noticing the bulge in his pocket and pulled out the notepad. He flipped it open. Realization dawned on him. “Oh--OH!” Lars shook his head, putting his free hand to his temple. “God, that ... that just happened didn’t it?” His voice became sullen. “That’s ... I thought I wasn’t forgetting things that fast anymore.” His head slumped in the back of the couch.

“Oh um ...” Steven gave a shakey smile. “It’s--it’s okay Lars. These things take time--”

“Yeah ...” Lars put the notepad back in his pants. “Too much time.”

“Lars ...”

Lars abruptly stood up.

“I’m gonna take a piss,” he said in a low voice that made it obvious it was a lie.

“Lars, come on--”

“JUST ...” His voice spiked for a moment before he lowered it. “Just leave me alone right now ...” He stuck his hands in his pockets and, head held low, he walked off.

Steven just watched him walk off, only reaching after him when he was already almost out of sight. Steven cringed and gritted his teeth when he noticed himself do that. Such a useless gesture. He should have been able to help. He should have been able to fix this for his friend, what was wrong with him? His hand tightened into a fist.

Steven glanced around and only then noticed Bismuth was still there. Despite her intimidating presence, at that moment she was pretending to be more interested in the tiles at her feet, not looking at Steven.

Steven sighed.

“Great job, Steven Universe ...” he muttered under his breath.