I’m not the most social individual, not that I’m antisocial (though people frustrate me to no end.) It just means that achieving connections to develop stronger bonds with an individual feels like a slow process. My creative writing class gave me an interesting opportunity this week; to use poetic structure in order to create a representation with this:

The Social Struggle

Can’t.

Figure.

Out.

What’s.

Behind.

This.

Wall.

I.

Try.

To.

Learn.

It’s

Secrets.

But.

I.

Only.

Hear.

Sounds.

I.

Can.

Only.

Guess.

No.

Windows.

No.

Doors.

Is.

It.

Worth.

It?

I’ve learned over the years that I function at my best when the other individual gives me information to create a decent conversation. Behaviors, clothes and dress, and interests that leak out through conversation all contribute to a perceived “portrait” which I create of a specific individual. The muse provides the materials, and I create the piece, so to speak. The concept of randomly picking a topic with a specific individual makes no sense to me. As I show in the poem through forcing the reader to pause, it’s a frustrating and time-consuming experience. The process of developing friends can be developed with luck and a healthy hint of initiation on my end. The result is a ton of acquaintances and a few loyal friends. Perhaps it’s better that way in the long run?

The worst part is that if I become too reclusive or don’t have people to converse with, then I become trapped in my own thoughts, for better or worse.

On a final note, I’ve been debating releasing more of my work via the blog. The risk is that people perceive me as depressing, but the trade-off is that if someone listening knows they’re not the only one dealing with the issues I discuss, then perhaps something good can come of it.