Have you ever gotten into a relationship and later found out you are dating a Bitcoiner? I don’t think so. Chances are you found it out in the first date, probably during the first 10 minutes.

I just came across the article, “Dating a programmer” and thought it would be fun to write a Bitcoiner version, so here it goes.

1. You’ll always be second

Bitcoiners are especially passionate. They believe they are making history, they believe they are the outcast warriors in the fight that’s going to revolutionize the world economy. They are not simply passionate, but obsessed, often to unhealthy extents. But don’t take it in the wrong way, this passion is probably one of the main reason why you are in love with him in the first place. Just try to never ask the question:

Who do you love more? Me or your bitcoins?

2. He’s always short on cash

Or as he likes to call it: “worthless, fiat, paper money”. It’s not because he doesn’t have. He either doesn’t want to spend his bitcoins, because he’s expecting the Bitcoin price will increase 10 times by tomorrow, or cannot spend his bitcoins, well, because they are bitcoins.

You might have to teach him yourself how to spend his money. Preferably on you.

3. Your birthday gift: Bitcoins

If he’s more of a caring type he’s going to buy some kind of hardware wallet, one of those Satori coins or design and create a paper wallet just for you, but don’t expect anything more. In their world everything is about Bitcoins. They are physically incapable to come up with anything else. Except me, I don’t fell into that trap, I didn’t give Bitcoins to her, I wrote a software that sends a transaction with an OP_RETURN output where I wished her happy birthday, but of course not everyone can be as romantic as I am.

4. You know who Andreas Antonopoulos is

You hear this guy speaking every single day. You have to admit, sometimes even you get excited of his speeches, but usually just worried if there is something wrong with your boyfreind:

5. “Can I pay with bitcoins?”

Jeez, he knows he can’t. Why does he have to ask every time we are about to buy something?

6. “No Bitcoin talk tonight!”

You have to write the rules in stone, before you go out with him to an important event, or else he’s going to ruin it.

7. He expects you to respect his privacy

He’s so obsessed with his privacy that the dummy doesn’t even realize you already know everything about him realtime by simply following his Reddit account. In fact if he fails to post for a couple of hours that probably means he’s cheating on you.

Conclusion

When it comes to relationships, Bitcoiners are… unconventional.