We have to be able to have more nuanced and frank discussions about health care for transgender people (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

I was 18 years old when I first came out as transgender.

I’d been harbouring it for as long as I can remember, but wasn’t properly able to articulate it until then. I simply didn’t know that it was a thing, or that there were other people like me.

Even when I did tell everyone and started living as myself, there was still a lot of shame, secrecy and fear about being transgender. One of the biggest fears surrounding it was the possibility of regret, or regretting undergoing hormone therapy and genital surgery.

Some people thought that I was simply a gay man who was a bit confused, and that I’d end up regretting this all later on if I went through with it. I knew I wasn’t a gay man, and I was fortunate enough to be raised in an environment where I could have easily come out as one. That just wasn’t me. For me (and for transgender people in general) it was never about who I was attracted to, or my sexual orientation.




It was about who I was and who I knew myself to be. Being able to medically transition was life-saving for me.

The discussion around regretting transitioning has been rearing its head recently. Various stories about individual cases have been used as an example, casting doubt on healthcare for transgender people.

Being able to medically transition was life-saving for me (Picture: Sharon Kilgannon)

A recent story hit the headlines where a person claimed there are hundreds of people wanting to detransition – but there are no numbers that indicate this.

The use of ‘increase in referrals’ to medical transitioning is often used with statistics that sound quite high, but they are never put into context of the general population. Even with increased numbers of referrals, the number of trans people are still just around one percent of the population in the UK. More referrals simply means there are more people seeking this type of health care. It doesn’t mean that everyone who is referred undergoes a medical transition.

Getting access to these types of services is actually really difficult, and people have to wait several years for a single appointment at a gender identity clinic. So claims that someone can just enter a clinic and get hormones and surgery quite easily simply aren’t true.

I would never diminish or question someone’s experience who says they regretted their medical transition. There are those who do, and they deserve to be believed. But their stories and experiences should never be used to advocate against health care that has benefitted the lives of thousands of people across the UK and beyond. It should never be used as a reason not to allow people to transition.

One of the comparisons I have to this is when women who have regretted having an abortion are used to advocate against them. It’s an illogical argument, as the benefits of safe abortions outweigh the possibility of regret, much like with transgender health care.

Medically transitioning is life-saving for some transgender people. The number of people who experience regret with transgender related surgery is actually really low according to recent research in the Netherlands (between 0.3 and 0.6 percent) and much lower than regret rates for various surgeries such as knee arthroplasty or cosmetic procedures.

When it comes to any surgery, there is always the risk of regret and there will always be people who regret surgeries for a multitude of reasons.

I went from being seen as a depressed, shy and reserved teenager to being an active, social and outgoing person (Picture: Sharon Kilgannon)

A large portion of people who experience regret about medically transitioning do so because of the social rejection they face when they come out as transgender.



Research done at the gender clinic in the Netherlands showed that between 1972-2015, a total of 14 people experienced regret. Half of them said it was because of social rejection or the fact they identify as non-binary and not as a trans woman or a trans man.

Trans people face stigma and discrimination in their day to day lives and are often rejected from their families, lose their jobs or experience bullying and violence for simply being trans. For some this is simply too much, and they feel they have no choice but to retreat and conform to society’s expectations of them.

Another reason people might regret genital surgery is because they simply aren’t satisfied with the results. Like with any surgery, there are things that can go wrong. Genital surgery is far from perfect, especially surgery for transgender men and trans masculine people.

For some it was a journey they had to take that ultimately wasn’t the right one for them. People can only make choices based on the knowledge they have at any given time, so of course there will be people who had to go on a journey to discover who they are. It doesn’t always necessarily mean they aren’t trans or that the journey they went on was wrong, but something they felt they needed to do.

Such binary terms as in, blanket regret versus no regret, do the whole topic a disservice, ignoring the nuances of our gendered experience.

By allocating more resources into transgender health care, whether that be with increasing the quality of psychological care and hormone treatments or making advancements in genital surgery, regret rates will inevitably decrease. By fighting against stigma and prejudice that keeps trans people from living their lives in peace as who they know themselves to be, regret rates will also decrease.


The vast majority of people reap the rewards of medically transitioning. I went from being seen as a depressed, shy and reserved teenager to being an active, social and outgoing person. I started participating in life with enthusiasm, I started to tend to my hobbies, I did better at school. I became someone who was finally excited for life.

The change was so apparent to those around me. My family were finally able to get to know me properly, and even family members that had been quite prejudiced towards transgender people had a real change of heart. They saw that I was finally happy, so how could that be a bad thing?

I now have a partner whom I love very much, we live in a nice little house together, and we talk about having kids and getting a cat or another dog. We have hopes, fears, and aspirations about the future — but the difference is that now I don’t have to worry about not being myself.

So let’s not forget the bigger picture here, and the thousands of people that benefit from being able to medically transition and undergoing genital surgery. This doesn’t mean we’re not going to talk about those that experience regret.

We have to be able to have more nuanced and frank discussions about health care for transgender people, without regret being used to jeopardise the well-being of people who need transgender related health care.

Only that way can we truly create well-rounded solutions and health care that minimises the chance of regret, and allows everyone the opportunity to live their lives to the fullest.


As themselves.

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