More commonly referred to as ‘marrying down’. A new research reveals that modern women are turning their back on societal normals and choosing to marry men who are less qualified and educated than themselves. We find out moreBreaking the traditional mould of marrying above, today’s women are turning societal norms topsy-turvy by ‘marrying down’ and choosing men who are less qualified and educated than themselves, according to a new research. One of the main reasons for this drastic change in the status quo is women’s access to better education, which in turn qualifies them for better positions in the workplace. With financial independence, more women are choosing to marry for love than for financial security.Traditionally, it was the man who was better educated, qualified, had more money and thus a higher social status, but that’s changing across the world, according to a global study. Demographic academics from the Universitat Automnoma de Barcelona looked at census figures from 56 countries across the world dating back to the late 1960s. And in 21 of these countries, they found that there are now more women ‘marrying down’ than ‘marrying up’. These countries are as diverse as France, Slovenia and Mongolia. We ask experts if this holds true back home too.Psychiatrist Anjali Chhabria says, “A large part of our society still follows and believes in the tradition of arranged marriage where the families choose possible suitors after a thorough background of the groom or bride’s family. In such a scenario, families of the girl give a lot of importance to the education, social status as well as the financial status of the boy as they care about the security of their daughter. Here, the question does not arise of marrying down as the girl’s family would find a boy having an equal status or probably a higher status. But as western culture has influenced our society to a large extent, we are also seeing more and more of love marriages or live-in relations. Here the girl and the boy are free to choose their own partner, and may choose to go for hypogamy.According to Chhabria, some women feel the need to be dominant or in control. So, they believe by being with someone less qualified or low in status would give them power over their partner and not make them feel threatened. She adds, “Sometimes even the fear of rejection or losing a loved one could make women marry down as they would rather see their partner insecure and themselves as more important in the relationship. Also, some women may believe if they are with someone at a higher level, they may not be emotionally as available and may fear loneliness.” Varkha Chulani, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, says, “Women marrying down is becoming increasingly common here as well. One of the reasons seems to be that women are not able to find men who are ‘up’ on the social, the educational or the financial ladder. So, they are settling for ‘less’ just so that they may partner with a man and have the family they have always aspired for. The need to have their kids especially before their biological clock ticks off or before they turn an age where child bearing becomes more risky leads women to compromise. With an increasing number of women also marrying much later (average age now is 26/27) many of the ‘good’ men are already taken in relationships so that leaves the bunch left behind as ‘secondary’ or simply not good enough. So women ‘dumb’ down, don’t mind donning the mantle of the breadwinner, do not mind downgrading their social set only so that they find ‘a man’.Such a relationship can have its pros when the two individuals have chosen each other regardless of the qualifications and statuses. Or even if two individuals can be non-judgmental and respect each other regardless of the others degree, position or financial or social status. In certain couples this can be a pro as some men can be more available emotionally for the woman making her feel secure, loved and wanted. The cons can be plenty specially if the downgrade is radical and the gap intellectually, financially and socially too wide. A little bit of disparity can be easily made up for and ground can be more easily covered when the dichotomy is slim. The real problem takes place however when the ‘come down’ is huge. So, if you have a professional doctor, lawyer, settling with a 10th grader expect trouble. Not in the short term but in the long run. Likemindedness more often than not helps long term relating. Of course that is not to say that similar backgrounds always lead to successful encounters over the long haul but you minimise the chance of difficulties.Aaron Dias, an IT professional, says, “There is no ‘marrying down’ or ‘marrying up’. These terms suggest that marriage is for financial security. Financial security should be determined by both partners in a marriage, not just one. We are living in financially troubled times and depending on one person to provide the ‘bread’ is putting more pressure on that person. Instead, why not do what you vowed to do when you got married and help your partner put the bread on the table?”melissa.dcosta@timesgroup.com