MURFREESBORO, TN – Embattled Rutherford County Constable Bob Darnold issued a message to his lone supporter on Monday, emphasizing that he has no intention of resigning his position in crime prevention.

“I want to thank my supporter,” said Darnold. “And by that I mean the one person out there who still has faith in me to do this job. I don’t know his name, but there’s gotta be at least one out there, right?”

Darnold was indicted on Friday, May 27, 2016, on thirteen charges, including bribery, extortion, and selecting a haircut with reckless disregard for male pattern baldness.

Darnold oversees the Rutherford County Constables Division, the largest law enforcement agency in Rutherford County. Through extensive investigation, the Tribune Investigative Team discovered that one of the tasks assigned to the Rutherford County Constables Division is crime prevention.

Merriam-Webster defines “crime” as:

An act or the commission of an act that is forbidden or the omission of a duty that is commanded by a public law and that makes the offender liable to punishment by that law.

Having been alive for more than seven months, the Tribune Investigative Team can safely conclude that Constable Darnold committed some pretty serious Merriam-Websters in the not-so-distant past.

A spokesman for Rutherford County declined to comment on how in the name of Sam Hill the same person can sit under federal indictment but approve the arrest of that random black kid for having a quarter ounce of weed in his pocket.

The Tribune Investigative Team further researched how a person can both commit crimes and prevent crimes at the same time. After hours of experimental drug use, followed by some attempted citizen arrests for minor traffic infractions, the Investigative Team found that committing crime without any consequence is pretty great. Thumbs up, Constable Darnold!