NORTH PLATTE, NE—Cautious of ruining his session by stumbling upon sexual activity ranging from possibly disturbing to actually illegal, local man Stephen Baretta decided Tuesday that a pornographic video featuring an unfamiliar acronym in its title was ultimately too much of a risk to click on. “I’ve never seen XTPF before, and believe me, I’m on here quite a bit, so I it’s best to just steer clear,” said Baretta, who admitted to venturing a few guesses based on the video’s thumbnail and elected not to test his theories “since it’s not like you can unsee things afterwards.” “I’ve seen some pretty weird shit, but still, I wouldn’t want to go down any really dark rabbit holes, especially since I stumbled into finding out about CBT last month. Seriously, when I think of just the possible fucked-up Japanese shit alone, I’m way better off not knowing.” After finding himself too jaded to achieve satisfaction from his usual videos, Baretta was reportedly facing a minimum of three years in federal prison and possible extradition to Finland.

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