Blog Down I: Brandon Marshall is fixed, praise Jesus!

It’s hardly a secret that Brandon Marshall is a flawed, complex man. And last year, we might have found out why: Borderline Personality Disorder. Good news for Bears fans, though, is Marshall has seemingly found a way to rally through spousal stabbings, nightclub misdemeanors and even McDonald’s bags to form one kick-ass, historically great wide receiver. Marshall is only nine catches away from 100 this season, which would give him the distinction of tying only four other receivers for, you know, MOST 100-RECEPTION SEASONS IN NFL HISTORY. The others being Harrison, Rice and…um, Welker. In case you don’t play fantasy football, Welker is that small white man on the Patriots that runs slant routes faster than Vince Young spent all his dough. Huh? No, the other small white man. No, no, the other. Nope. Nuh-uh. Yep, yeah, that’s the one. Welker, in fact, is just eight receptions away from his fifth 100-reception season, so Marshall may be relegated to a tie for second all-time when this year is over. Still, that’s pretty damn good company. VERY, actually. 100 receptions would also tie Marshall with Marty Booker for most in Bears history. ESPN.com’s Kevin Seifert is saying it, and I’ll say it too: at year’s end, Marshall will have had the best season of any Bears receiver EVER.

WE’RE ALL OLD AND WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE

Tim Jennings is out. Earl Bennett is out. Brian Urlacher is out, too! God dammit! Clearly, three starters missing Sunday’s game against the Vikings is just an indicator of the team’s perpetual fall to the depths of the NFL for years and years to come! Amirite?

Relax.

Sure, Urlacher will be missed for his ability to lead the team by recognizing and calling plays. From a physical standpoint, however, Nick Roach as his replacement in the middle won’t present an obvious downgrade, as would have been the case two or three years ago. Now, somebody give Urlacher a pair of headphones, pretty please.

Tim Jennings and Tillman together just works. The penchant each has had for getting to the ball this year is absolutely stunning. That said, Kelvin Hayden should– and I say it one-eyed optimistically–be able to hold his own.

And, then, there is Earl Bennett. I don’t know what to make of my one-time, orange-cleated favorite receiver. You could say he’s played banged up. I think, more so, he’s simply been unable to separate from corners and safeties. It’s especially disappointing when you consider the attention Marshall is stealing on the outside. Bennett has made great catches, and he’s always been a solid hands guy, but you expect him to do more. Fuck it, I’m blaming the O-line for this one, too.

PEANUT PUNCH JARED ALLEN IN THE BALLSACK

I mean, come on: it’s only fair that retribution be had after he ended Lance Louis’ season.

And, it’s not like a swift-yet-killer Peanut Punch to the balls would end HIS year. At worst, he’s curled up in the fetal position and denouncing God as his Savior for 18-22 minutes. Even Stevens, LOLZ!