INTERNATIONAL SCIENTISTS AGREE: THE EARTH IS FLAT, DOES REVOLVE AROUND SUN

THE authority in international science theory released a statement today confirming that the earth is indeed flat. According to anonymous sources close to the conference participants, the only real debate was in whether or not the blue planet actually revolved around the sun. Round earthers, as they are often called within the scientific community, were outraged by the announcement.

"Much of the Population is Blinded by Propaganda"

Xi Lao exclaimed in a hilarious Asian accent. Lao conducts complicated scientific experiments aboard a manmade island in the South China Sea. Dr. Lao continued: "The Clinton Global Initiative, George Soros, and other wealthy groups have been paying us to push an agenda that simply isn't true. When the money dries up, truth wins".

Reports surfaced late last week that the honorable Hillary Clinton's beacon of good-will known as CGI was shut down after pay-to-play donations from Saudi Arabia were stopped and garbage fake-news sites accused it of child trafficking and money laundering. The CGI has long been the gold standard of charities throughout the world, including Haiti where local citizens were properly silenced by their corrupt government for accusing the foundation of heinous crimes.

I thought the earth was round

Most people have mistakenly held this false belief since the famous scientist Galileo, in a rogue move, published his flat earth findings in the prologue of the Gutenberg Bible. His very intricate formulas were proven to be true, but the Catholic Church, rife with pedophilia accusations, destroyed the documents, and forced him to join the Church.

Smart enough to solve this?



Scientists are.

"I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT WAS TRUE"

Said the Zimbabwe native Umbtu Clktyclk, who led the charge to expose the truth. "When we found out about those fake Clinton allegations" he said with a wink, "I knew that scientists would once again be able to do our motherfuckin' job!" Dr. Clktyclk further explained "with the help of Shay, and of course the Kremlin, we were able to hack the Pope's e-mail address."

A DREAM COME TRUE FOR DR. SHAY

"I never thought this day would come." said Dr. Richard Shay, the chief Computer Intelligence Science Master at the symposium. "We forwarded quite a bit of child pornography from the Pope's computer directly to WikiLeaks, although I think Joey actually like it" Shay chuckled as he nudged Dr. Joe Plantif, a prominent telescope astrologist currently working for the University of Antigua.

"While the rumor has always been that the earth is flat among us scientists, we lacked Galileo's formula. Now we saw it. It was extremely beautiful and complicated and easily proven through complex science analysis. It was like a dream come true." Dr. Shay said in a much more stern tone of voice.