Gordon Brown's control freak enforcer and his 'cappuccino and soup' instruction manual for civil servants



Gordon Brown's new Cabinet enforcer has issued an astonishing 11-page document to civil servants spelling out exactly how they should treat him.

In a series of detailed instructions that would embarrass the most demanding showbiz diva, Cabinet Office Minister Liam Byrne tells officials precisely what types of coffee he likes, and just when the drink should be served; exactly how his office should be laid out, with papers arranged just so; and how his diary must be cleared by Thursday evening so he can return to his constituency home for the weekend.



The document, modestly entitled Working With Liam Byrne, reads like a script from the BBC’s political sitcom The Thick Of It about the farcical control-freakery of New Labour in power.

Demanding: Cabinet Office Minister Liam Byrne is particular about what he drinks, and when

Mr Byrne’s list of do’s and don’ts declares: ‘Coffee/Lunch. I’m addicted to coffee. I like a cappuccino when I come in, an espresso at 3pm and soup at 12.30-1pm.



‘The room should be cleared before I arrive in the morning. I like the papers set out in the office before I get in. The white boards should be cleared.’



‘If I see things that are not of acceptable quality, I will blame you.’



On briefings for questions, he orders officials to tell him ‘not what you think I should know but you expect I will get asked’.



Mr Byrne, 38, even dictates what font size briefing notes should be in (a rather large 16 point), and insists that they should take up no more than one sheet of paper.



He also warns staff: ‘Never put anything to me unless you understand it and can explain it to me in 60 seconds,’ and he goes on: ‘I am often not very clear or my writing is illegible. If I’m in the middle of thinking about something, I might ask you to come back – don’t be put off by this.’

Byrne, who was last month promoted to the Cabinet, where he is responsible for co-ordinating Government departments, has a near obsession with manipulating the media.



He tells his officials: ‘We need to produce a grid . . . outlining [the] story of the week. Once something has been slotted into a grid, my expectation is it will be delivered. Moving something from a grid slot is a very, very big deal.’



Key messages must be set out in ‘big speeches’ and repeated at ‘every, repeat every, opportunity’.



He says he has an ‘open door’ policy – but it is hard to know when civil servants could see him. ‘It’s your job to keep me to time. It’s rude for me to draw meetings to a close. I like 10 minute then 5 minute warnings. You need to know what I’m doing next.’



The manual is so full of New Labour-speak that parts are incomprehensible. ‘Money is the root of all progress. Finance are [sic] a vital part of the initiation conversations.’



Mr Byrne is particular about his work-life balance. ‘I have a young family and a constituency that I am passionate about.’





For that reason, he says, he does not take Ministerial red boxes home – and expects to be at his Midlands home by Thursday night.



He describes his week as: ‘Mondays, arrive London around 3-4ish, 8pm dinner with colleagues. I tend to try and finish up Thursday night.’ Speeches are a ‘huge burden, so we don’t do lots’.



‘Given the limited time I’m in the office, there is a huge premium on managing the workflow. Sunday is a sacrosanct family day.’



Contacting him out of hours is not easy. ‘BlackBerry best. Fax to constituency office/home if not urgent. Never rely on me looking at text/email.’



He must not be pestered with endless requests to make speeches or attend conferences. ‘I prefer to get out there on my own terms rather than respond to invites,’ he says haughtily.



His ‘rules for quotes’ demand a soundbite for every occasion. ‘The precise words you use are crucial. Officials use language that is more appropriate for a dinner party than a newspaper. Insert at least one element from the key message sheet.



‘If you wouldn’t use the words to a friend over coffee or in the pub, then DON’T USE THEM.’



He adds: ‘Eliminate absolutely, positively all extraneous words,’ which seems to contradict itself.

However, he does show some interest in maintaining the morale of his staff. He states: ‘Team things. Let’s try and get dinner and drinks in asap.’



Tory MP Philip Davies said: ‘This is not a briefing note for civil servants – it’s a briefing note for slaves. Making sure the Minister gets his cappuccino on time and his soup piping hot is apparently more important than how the country is being run.’

Last night, a spokesman for Mr Byrne said the manual was written in 2006 when he was a Home Office Minister.



‘He is a highly efficient Minister but has become more flexible since then. Some days, he has his soup at 1.30pm.’