Early on, I recognized that Trump’s sense of self-worth is forever at risk. When he feels aggrieved, he reacts impulsively and defensively, constructing a self-justifying story that doesn’t depend on facts and always directs the blame to others.

The Trump I first met in 1985 had lived nearly all his life in survival mode. By his own description, his father, Fred, was relentlessly demanding, difficult and driven. Here’s how I phrased it in “The Art of the Deal”: “My father is a wonderful man, but he is also very much a business guy and strong and tough as hell.” As Trump saw it, his older brother, Fred Jr., who became an alcoholic and died at age 42, was overwhelmed by his father. Or as I euphemized it in the book: “There were inevitably confrontations between the two of them. In most cases, Freddy came out on the short end.”

Trump’s worldview was profoundly and self-protectively shaped by his father. “I was drawn to business very early, and I was never intimidated by my father, the way most people were,” is the way I wrote it in the book. “I stood up to him, and he respected that. We had a relationship that was almost businesslike.”

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To survive, I concluded from our conversations, Trump felt compelled to go to war with the world. It was a binary, zero-sum choice for him: You either dominated or you submitted. You either created and exploited fear, or you succumbed to it — as he thought his older brother had. This narrow, defensive outlook took hold at a very early age, and it never evolved. “When I look at myself in the first grade and I look at myself now,” he told a recent biographer, “I’m basically the same.” His development essentially ended in early childhood.

Instead, Trump grew up fighting for his life and taking no prisoners. In countless conversations, he made clear to me that he treated every encounter as a contest he had to win, because the only other option from his perspective was to lose, and that was the equivalent of obliteration. Many of the deals in “The Art of the Deal” were massive failures — among them the casinos he owned and the launch of a league to rival the National Football League — but Trump had me describe each of them as a huge success.

With evident pride, Trump explained to me that he was “an assertive, aggressive” kid from an early age, and that he had once punched a music teacher in the eye and was nearly expelled from elementary school for his behavior.

Like so much about Trump, who knows whether that story is true? What’s clear is that he has spent his life seeking to dominate others, whatever that requires and whatever collateral damage it creates along the way. In “The Art of the Deal,” he speaks with street-fighting relish about competing in the world of New York real estate: They are “some of the sharpest, toughest, and most vicious people in the world. I happen to love to go up against these guys, and I love to beat them.” I never sensed from Trump any guilt or contrition about anything he’d done, and he certainly never shared any misgivings publicly. From his perspective, he operated in a jungle full of predators who were forever out to get him, and he did what he must to survive.

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Trump was equally clear with me that he didn’t value — nor even necessarily recognize — the qualities that tend to emerge as people grow more secure, such as empathy, generosity, reflectiveness, the capacity to delay gratification or, above all, a conscience, an inner sense of right and wrong. Trump simply didn’t traffic in emotions or interest in others. The life he lived was all transactional, all the time. Having never expanded his emotional, intellectual or moral universe, he has his story down, and he’s sticking to it.

A key part of that story is that facts are whatever Trump deems them to be on any given day. When he is challenged, he instinctively doubles down — even when what he has just said is demonstrably false. I saw that countless times, whether it was as trivial as exaggerating the number of floors at Trump Tower or as consequential as telling me that his casinos were performing well when they were actually going bankrupt. In the same way, Trump would see no contradiction at all in changing his story about why he fired Comey and thereby undermining the statements of his aides, or in any other lie he tells. His aim is never accuracy; it’s domination.

The Trump I got to know had no deep ideological beliefs, nor any passionate feeling about anything but his immediate self-interest. He derives his sense of significance from conquests and accomplishments. “Can you believe it, Tony?” he would often say at the start of late-night conversations with me, going on to describe some new example of his brilliance. But the reassurance he got from even his biggest achievements was always ephemeral and unreliable — and that appears to include being elected president. Any addiction has a predictable pattern: The addict keeps chasing the high by upping the ante in an increasingly futile attempt to re-create the desired state. On the face of it, Trump has more opportunities now to feel significant and accomplished than almost any other human being on the planet. But that’s like saying a heroin addict has his problem licked once he has free and continuous access to the drug. Trump also now has a far bigger and more public stage on which to fail and to feel unworthy.

From the very first time I interviewed him in his office in Trump Tower in 1985, the image I had of Trump was that of a black hole. Whatever goes in quickly disappears without a trace. Nothing sustains. It’s forever uncertain when someone or something will throw Trump off his precarious perch — when his sense of equilibrium will be threatened and he’ll feel an overwhelming compulsion to restore it. Beneath his bluff exterior, I always sensed a hurt, incredibly vulnerable little boy who just wanted to be loved.

What Trump craves most deeply is the adulation he has found so fleeting. This goes a long way toward explaining his need for control and why he simply couldn’t abide Comey, who reportedly refused to accede to Trump’s demand for loyalty and whose continuing investigation into Russian interference in the election campaign last year threatens to bring down his presidency. Trump’s need for unquestioning praise and flattery also helps to explain his hostility to democracy and to a free press — both of which thrive on open dissent.

As we have seen countless times during the campaign and since the election, Trump can devolve into survival mode on a moment’s notice. Look no further than the thousands of tweets he has written attacking his perceived enemies over the past year. In neurochemical terms, when he feels threatened or thwarted, Trump moves into a fight-or-flight state. His amygdala is triggered, his hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis activates, and his prefrontal cortex — the part of the brain that makes us capable of rationality and reflection — shuts down. He reacts rather than reflects, and damn the consequences. This is what makes his access to the nuclear codes so dangerous and frightening.

Over the past week, in the face of criticism from nearly every quarter, Trump’s distrust has almost palpably mushroomed. No importuning by his advisers stands a chance of constraining him when he is this deeply triggered. The more he feels at the mercy of forces he cannot control — and he is surely feeling that now — the more resentful, desperate and impulsive he becomes.

Even 30 years later, I vividly remember the ominous feeling when Trump got angry about some perceived slight. Everyone around him knew that you were best off keeping your distance at those times, or, if that wasn’t possible, that you should resist disagreeing with him in any way.

In the hundreds of Trump’s phone calls I listened in on with his consent, and the dozens of meetings I attended with him, I can never remember anyone disagreeing with him about anything. The same climate of fear and paranoia appears to have taken root in his White House.

The most recent time I spoke to Trump — and the first such occasion in nearly three decades — was July 14, 2016, shortly before the New Yorker published an article by Jane Mayer about my experience writing “The Art of the Deal.” Trump was just about to win the Republican nomination for president. I was driving in my car when my cellphone rang. It was Trump. He had just gotten off a call with a fact-checker for the New Yorker, and he didn’t mince words.

“I just want to tell you that I think you’re very disloyal,” he started in. Then he berated and threatened me for a few minutes. I pushed back, gently but firmly. And then suddenly, as abruptly as he began the call, he ended it. “Have a nice life,” he said, and hung up.

U.S. President Donald Trump, center, signs an executive order at the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) in Washington, D.C. U.S., on Wednesday, Jan. 25, 2017. Trump acted on two of the most fundamental -- and controversial -- elements of his presidential campaign, building a wall on the border with Mexico and greatly tightening restrictions on who can enter the U.S. Photographer: Chip Somodevilla/Pool via Bloomberg (Chip Somodevilla/Bloomberg) Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe and his wife Akie Abe attend dinner with U.S. President Donald Trump and his wife Melania at Mar-a-Lago Club in Palm Beach, Florida U.S., February 10, 2017. REUTERS/Carlos Barria TPX IMAGES OF THE DAY (Carlos Barria/Reuters) U.S. President Donald Trump hugs a supporter he invited onstage to speak during a "Make America Great Again" rally at Orlando Melbourne International Airport in Melbourne, Florida, U.S. February 18, 2017. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque (Kevin Lamarque/Reuters) WASHINGTON, DC - FEBRUARY 28: President Trump's first address before a joint session of Congress on Tuesday, Feb. 28, 2017, at the US Capitol in Washington, DC. (Jabin Botdford /The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - MARCH 17: President Donald Trump and German Chancellor Angela Merkel participate in a joint news conference in the East Room of the White House in Washington, DC on Friday, March. 17, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) US First Lady Melania Trump (R) and President Donald Trump (2nd R) pose with Chinese President Xi Jinping (2nd L) and his wife Peng Liyuan (L) upon their arrival to the Mar-a-Lago estate in West Palm Beach, Florida, on April 6, 2017. / AFP PHOTO / JIM WATSONJIM WATSON/AFP/Getty Images (Jim Watson/AFP/Getty Images) WASHINGTON, DC - APRIL 17: President Donald Trump, with first lady Melania Trump, their son Barron Trump, and members of the first family, blows a whistle to begin an Easter Egg Roll race during the 139th Easter Egg Roll on the South Lawn of the White House in Washington, DC on Monday, April 17, 2017. The White House said 21,000 people are expected to attend the annual tradition of rolling colored eggs down the White House lawn that was started by President Rutherford B. Hayes in 1878. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - APRIL 17: A young girl hugs President Donald Trump after makes cards for members of the military at a craft table during the 139th Easter Egg Roll on the South Lawn of the White House in Washington, DC on Monday, April 17, 2017. The White House said 21,000 people are expected to attend the annual tradition of rolling colored eggs down the White House lawn that was started by President Rutherford B. Hayes in 1878. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) U.S. President Donald Trump displays an executive order reviewing previous National Monument designations made under the Antiquities Act, during a signing ceremony at the Interior Department in Washington, U.S., April 26, 2017. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque (Kevin Lamarque/Reuters) WASHINGTON, DC - MAY 2: President Donald Trump speaks during a presentation ceremony of the Commander-in-Chief trophy to the Air Force Academy football team in the Rose Garden of the White House in Washington, DC on Tuesday, May 02, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - MAY 4: President Donald Trump claps as he arrives with Vice President Mike Pence after the House pushed through a health care bill, in the Rose Garden at the White House in Washington, DC on Thursday, May 04, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - MAY 10: President Donald Trump meets with Dr. Henry Kissinger, former Secretary of State and National Security Advisory under President Richard Nixon, in the Oval Office of the White House in Washington, DC on Wednesday, May 10, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - MAY 15: President Donald Trump welcomes Abu Dhabi's Crown Prince Sheikh Mohammed bin Zayed Al Nahyan outside the West Wing of the White House in Washington, DC on Monday, May 15, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - MAY 15: The White House is lit in blue to honor police officers killed in the line of duty in Washington, DC on Monday, May 15, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - MAY 16: President Donald Trump meets with Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan in the Oval Office of the White House in Washington, DC on Tuesday, May 16, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - MAY 17: President Donald Trump's shadow is seen on the driveway as he waves and walks to board Marine One for a short trip to Andrews Air Force Base, Md., then to speak at the U.S. Coast Guard Academy Commencement Ceremony, on the South Lawn of the White House in Washington, DC on Wednesday, May 17, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) President Donald Trump holds a sword and sways with traditional dancers during a welcome ceremony at Murabba Palace, Saturday, May 20, 2017, in Riyadh. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci) ARLINGTON, VA - May 29: Christian Jacobs, 6, center, hugs President Donald Trump as people visit in observance of Memorial Day at Arlington National Cemetery on Monday May 29, 2017 in Arlington, VA. Christian's father, U.S. Marine Corps Sgt. Christopher James Jacobs died during a training exercise in 2011. (Matt McClain/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 1: President Donald Trump walks out to speak about the US role in the Paris climate change accord in the Rose Garden at the White House in Washington, DC on Thursday, June 01, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 2: President Donald Trump signs two bills, the American Law enforcement Heroes Act of 2017 and Public Safety Officers Benefits improvement Act of 2017 in the Diplomatic Reception Room at the White House in Washington, DC on Friday, June 02, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 6: President Donald Trump greets Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell of Ky., left, as House Speaker Paul Ryan of Wis., right, takes his seat during a meeting with House and Senate Leadership in the Roosevelt Room of the White House in Washington, DC on Tuesday, June 06, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) U.S. President Donald Trump greets a family whose insurance premiums rose under the Affordable Care Act, after arriving in Cincinnati, Ohio, U.S., June 7, 2017. REUTERS/Jonathan Ernst (Jonathan Ernst/Reuters) WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 7: Visitors react to meeting President Donald Trump after he disembarked Marine One and returns from Cincinnati on the South Lawn of the White House in Washington, DC on Wednesday, June 07, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 9: President Donald Trump speaks with Romanian President Klaus Werner Iohannis during their joint news conference in the Rose Garden at the White House in Washington, DC on Friday, June 09, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 12: President Donald Trump, flanked by Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, listens during a Cabinet meeting in the Cabinet Room of the White House in Washington, DC on Monday, June 12, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 12: President Donald Trump speaks during a ceremony on the South Lawn to honor the 2016 NCAA Football National Champions Clemson University Tigers at the White House in Washington, DC on Monday, June 12, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) President Donald Trump pumps his fist after signing an executive order on Cuba policy, Friday, June 16, 2017, in Miami. From left are, Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross, Florida Gov. Rick Scott, Cary Roque, Vice President Mike Pence and Labor Secretary Alex Acosta. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci) WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 16: President Donald Trump greets a group of visitors as he returns from a trip to Miami where he spoke about Cuba policy, on the South Lawn of the White House in Washington, DC on Friday, June 16, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 19: President Donald Trump speaks during an American Technology Council roundtable in the State Dinning Room at the White House in Washington, DC on Monday, June 19, 2017. From left, Accenture CEO Julie Sweet, Oracle Co-CEO Safra Catz, senior adviser Jared Kushner, Tim Cook, Chief Executive Officer of Apple, Trump, Satya Nadella, Chief Executive Officer of Microsoft, and Jeff Bezos, Chief Executive Officer of Amazon. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 19: President Donald Trump and first lady Melania Trump, seen through a car door, walk out to greet Panamanian President Juan Carlos Varela on the South Lawn of the White House in Washington, DC on Monday, June 19, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 20: President Donald Trump shakes hands with Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko during a meeting in the Oval Office of the White House in Washington, DC on Tuesday, June 20, 2017. From left, Poroshenko, Trump, Vice President Mike Pence, and National Security Adviser H.R. McMaster. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) President Donald Trump arrives on stage to speak at the U.S. Cellular Center in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, Wednesday, June 21, 2017. This is Trump's first visit to Iowa since the election. (AP Photo/Susan Walsh) WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 22: George Mathew, CEO of Kespry, shows a drone to President Donald Trump during the "American Leadership in Emerging Technology" event in the East Room of the White House in Washington, DC on Thursday, June 22, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 22: President Donald Trump speaks with First Lady Melania Trump, Vice President Mike Pence and his wife Karen during the Congressional Picnic on the South Lawn of the White House in Washington, DC on Thursday, June 22, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 23: President Donald Trump greets Michael Verardo, who lost his leg in Afghanistan serving as a Sergeant in the 82nd Airborne Division in 2010, during a bill signing event for the "Department of Veterans Affairs Accountability and Whistleblower Protection Act of 2017" in the East Room of the White House in Washington, DC on Friday, June 23, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 23: President Donald Trump, with Secretary of Veterans Affairs David Shulkin by his side, shows off after signing the "Department of Veterans Affairs Accountability and Whistleblower Protection Act of 2017" in the East Room of the White House in Washington, DC on Friday, June 23, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 24: (Exclusive Coverage) (L-R) First Lady Melania Trump, President Donald Trump, Secretary of the Treasury Steven Mnuchin, Louise Linton, Vice President Mike Pence, and Second Lady Karen Pence pose at the wedding of Secretary of the Treasury Steven Mnuchin and Louise Linton on June 24, 2017 at Andrew Mellon Auditorium in Washington, DC. (Kevin Mazur/Getty Images for LS) WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 26: President Donald Trump listens during an expanded bilateral meeting with Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi in the Cabinet Room of the White House in Washington, DC on Monday, June 26, 2017. From left, White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus, Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin, Vice President Mike Pence, President Trump, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson Defense, and Secretary Jim Mattis. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 26: President Donald Trump and Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi hug while making statements in the Rose Garden of the White House in Washington, DC on Monday, June 26, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 27: President Donald Trump, center, speaks as he meets with Republican senators about health care in the East Room of the White House of the White House in Washington, DC on Tuesday, June 27, 2017. Seated with him are Sen. Susan Collins, R-Maine, left, and Sen. Lisa Murkowski, R-Alaska, right, (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 28: President Donald Trump meets with "immigration crime victims" to urge passage of House legislation to save American lives in the Cabinet Room at the White House in Washington, DC on Wednesday, June 28, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 28: President Donald Trump holds a Chicago Cubs jersey as he meets with members of the 2016 World Series Champions Chicago Cubs in the Oval Office of the White House in Washington, DC on Wednesday, June 28, 2017. Cubs third baseman Kris Bryant holds a "45" sign. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 28: President Donald Trump, flanked by Southern Ute Councilman Kevin Frost, center left, and Iowa Gov. Kim Reynolds, center right, speaks with EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt, left, during an energy roundtable with tribal, state, and local leaders in the Roosevelt Room of the White House in Washington, DC on Wednesday, June 28, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 29: President Donald Trump and First Lady Melania Trump receive South Korean President Moon Jae-in and his wife Kim Jeong-suk at the South Portico of the White House in Washington, DC on Thursday, June 29, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) epa06056765 US President Donald J. Trump (C) delivers remarks as US Vice President Mike Pence (L) and Energy Secretary Rick Perry (R) listen at the Unleashing American Energy event at the Department of Energy in Washington, DC, USA, 29 June 2017. President Trump announced a number on initiatives including his Administration's plan on rolling back regulations on energy production and development. EPA/KEVIN DIETSCH / POOL (Kevin Dietsch / Pool/EPA) WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 30: Astronaut Dave Wolf, left, pretends to grab a pen as President Donald Trump hands it to former astronaut Buzz Aldrin after signing an executive order to establish a National Space Council in the Roosevelt Room of the White House in Washington, DC on Friday, June 30, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 30: President Donald Trump and South Korean President Moon Jae-in watch as Director of Oval Office Operations Keith Schiller, right, reacts to a lamp being knocked over in the Oval Office of the White House in Washington, DC on Friday, June 30, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - JULY 4: United States President Donald J. Trump, flanked by first lady Melania Trump, speaks to guests during the military families picnic on the South Lawn of the White House in Washington D.C. on July 4, 2017. (Calla Kessler/The Washington Post) epa06070673 German Chancellor Angela Merkel (R) and US President Donald J. Trump (L) attend their meeting in the Hotel Atlantic one day prior to the G20 summit for bilateral talks in Hamburg, Germany, 06 Julty 2017. The G20 Summit (or G-20 or Group of Twenty) is an international forum for governments from 20 major economies. The summit is taking place in Hamburg 07 to 08 July 2017. EPA/JENS SCHLUETER / POOL (Jens Schlueter / Pool/EPA) President Donald Trump meets with Russian President Vladimir Putin at the G20 Summit, Friday, July 7, 2017, in Hamburg. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci) French President Emmanuel Macron and US President Donald Trump listen to the national anthems during an official welcoming ceremony in the courtyard of the Invalides in Paris, Thursday, July 13, 2017. Trump is in Paris for a high profile two-day visit during which he will be the guest of honour of his French counterpart Emmanuel Macron at the annual Bastille Day parade. (AP Photo / Matthieu Alexandre) U.S. President Donald Trump and First Lady Melania Trump, French President Emmanuel Macron, and his wife Brigitte Macron tour Napoleon Bonaparte’s Tomb at Les Invalides in Paris, France, July 13, 2017. REUTERS/Carolyn Kaster/Pool (Pool/Reuters) French President Emmanuel Macron, right, U.S. President Donald Trump and U.S. First Lady Melania Trump watch the traditional Bastille Day military parade on the Champs Elysees, in Paris, Friday, July 14, 2017. (AP Photo/Michel Euler) WASHINGTON, DC - JULY 17: United States President Donald J. Trump sports a Stetson cowboy hat during the Made in America product showcase on the South Lawn of the White House on July 17, 2017 in Washington, D.C. (Calla Kessler/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - JULY 17: United States President Donald J. Trump sits in a firetruck while Vice President Mike Pence stands below during the Made in America product showcase on the South Lawn of the White House on July 17, 2017 in Washington, D.C. (Calla Kessler/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - JULY 17: United States President Donald J. Trump shows off a presidential proclamation that makes today "Made in America Day" and this week "Made in American Week" during the Made in America product showcase on the South Lawn of the White House on July 17, 2017 in Washington, D.C. (Calla Kessler/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - JULY 19: President Donald Trump speaks at a luncheon with GOP leadership about healthcare in the State Dinning Room of the White House in Washington, DC on Wednesday, July 19, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) WASHINGTON, DC - JULY 26: President Donald Trump walks back to the Oval Office after speaking in the Rose Garden during an event with the American Legion Boys Nation and the American Legion Auxiliary Girls Nation at the White House in Washington, DC on Wednesday, July 26, 2017. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) Photo Gallery: Scenes from the Republican’s beginning months in the White House.