Continue Reading Below Advertisement impossible to know. I suggest to you that this image is in fact a Koan: A Zen parable whose very inability to be explained will eventually bring enlightenment. What, you disagree? Well listen, hotshot, if you think you have a logical-sounding explanation for this picture, I suggest you either: A) Look up the word âlogicâ in a dictionary, because you clearly donât know what it means. Maybe youâre getting âlogicâ confused with âhot dogsâ or âimpotency.â It happens to me sometimes. Or, B) Have mercy on us groundfolk, Hawk-Man! Our pitiful senses are limited by the earth we must tread!

6 Bear Robbery Listen: Donât laugh guys. Itâs tough living in Russia. I mean, you finally get finished forging your house-analogue out of the ruined corpses of old buses discarded by the affluent pig-dog Western nations, and whatâs the first thing that happens? Bear drive-by. What was he supposed to do? Just bow down and let the grizzly gangs run the place? No, goddamnit. This is a man! He put down his bowl of shoe-leather soup, strapped on his Ursine Assaultinâ Trackpants (every Russian has a pair) and he went to beat that fucker to death with a pepper-mill. What doesnât make sense about this to you? Is it the pepper-mill? Itâs the pepper mill, isnât it? Well, what do you use to spice up shoe-leather soup, smart guy? Listen: Donât laugh guys. Itâs tough living in Russia. I mean, you finally get finished forging your house-analogue out of the ruined corpses of old buses discarded by the affluent pig-dog Western nations, and whatâs the first thing that happens? Bear drive-by. What was he supposed to do? Just bow down and let the grizzly gangs run the place? No, goddamnit. This is a man! He put down his bowl of shoe-leather soup, strapped on his Ursine Assaultinâ Trackpants (every Russian has a pair) and he went to beat that fucker to death with a pepper-mill. What doesnât make sense about this to you? Is it the pepper-mill? Itâs the pepper mill, isnât it? Well, what do you use to spice up shoe-leather soup, smart guy?

5 Shark Santa Some questions might be running through your head right now, such as: âIs that guy underwater on a BMX bike? Is that a fucking shark? Is he trying to ollie? Isâ¦is he ollying Continue Reading Below Advertisement Some questions might be running through your head right now, such as: âIs that guy underwater on a BMX bike? Is that a fucking shark? Is he trying to ollie? Isâ¦is he ollyingover the shark ?â And finally: âHOLY SHIT IS THAT SANTA CLAUS?!â Yes. The answer to all of those questions is yes. And the answer to your last, unspoken question, âwhy the crapping hell?" is easy: Because âgoodâ is a relative term subject to the speakerâs moral compass. So even bloodthirsty sharks have âgoodâ little boys and girls, and they have to get presents too. Being Santa is like being a mailman: Neither snow, nor sleet, nor underwater shark BMX rallies shall keep you from your appointed rounds.