Paige Cantlin

Cantlin is a 28-year-old investment adviser as well as the founder/CEO of the restaurant-bill-payment startup Full Society. About four years ago, she ended a serious relationship, and after that she did try to date for a bit. “I just didn’t really enjoy it that much,” she says. “I started spending time doing other things I enjoy.” Like founding a company, for instance. And running–including, recently, a marathon in Antarctica.

Here, it helps to define what Cantlin means by “dating.” Cantlin doesn’t eschew all male romantic company. “I love men–they are fascinating and valuable creatures,” she says. She’s hardly a misandrist, nor is she celibate.

But the game she finds so many of her women friends playing–spending countless hours, using countless apps in the search for a Mr. Right to turn into a husband–doesn’t appeal to her at all. When Cantlin does spend an evening or two with a man, “It’s based on convenience and, I guess, coincidence, really.” She says that she feels she meets higher-quality men simply by pursuing her interests anyway.

Cantlin has tons of friends getting married, and a few already getting divorced. “I think at this age, women feel like they should already be married or in a serious relationship,” she says. “But all their stories were miserable sounding.” The ones in long-term relationships seemed unhappy; the ones out of them seemed to be desperately chasing a ring. “If someone comes along who meets my lifestyle requirements, maybe I’d consider being with someone,” she says. “But I don’t see any reason to spend time looking for someone when I could be doing fun stuff in life I actually enjoy.”

Once Cantlin articulates her non-dating philosophy, the questions inevitably come pouring in, be they from friends, or from a reporter. Doesn’t she want a go-to person with whom intimacy builds over time? “I think that can be true,” she counters, “but the question is: Are you really spending that time with the right person? I feel like most people are doing it with someone who’s not the best person to be growing that intimacy with.” For her part, she has a male roommate whom she calls her “best friend” and a “great partner in my life.” Maybe she’ll want a go-to mate later, but “a lot later,” she says. “I don’t know why people are in such a rush to find that kind of intimate connection when they’re 25.”

But are there, perhaps, biological reasons to consider choosing a mate in youth? Far from it, says Cantlin. If a healthy American might live to 100, “the idea of making a decision that affects the next 75 years seems ridiculous to me. That’s like saying you’re going to live in the same house in the same city for the rest of your life, and can never change your mind about it. It seems like that’s what happens when people get married and have kids early.”