The Colorado Independent received this press release this morning. Frankly, we don’t believe a word of it.

Gov. John Hickenlooper announced today the appointment of Michael Scott to serve as the new Director of Paper Distribution for the Department of Natural Resources.

“Scott’s success in selling paper will help Colorado effectively and efficiently move the large amount of bark beetle lumber from the forest and into the marketplace, creating tons of jobs and making lots of money,” Hickenlooper said. “This is a unique opportunity to resolve Colorado’s forest health and budget issues.”

Scott, of Scranton, Pa., recently announced he is leaving his job as the regional branch manager for Dunder Mifflin Paper. Scott has served in this position since 1994 and is moving to Colorado to join his fiancé, Holly Flax, who is returning home to care for her elderly parents.

Scott was also a small business owner, having successfully started the Michael Scott Paper Co. in 2009. The company was later purchased by his former employer, Dunder Mifflin, which restored Scott and his employees Pam Halpert (née Beesley) and Ryan Howard to their previous positions.

Scott has a unique management approach, where he spends 80 percent of his time “distracting others,” 19 percent of his time “procrastinating,” and 1 percent of his time “critical thinking.”

“Scott will be a wonderful addition to our paper team, focusing particularly on the use of beetle kill in paper production,” Hickenlooper said. “We hired him based on his skills, personal drive and love for ‘That’s what she said’ jokes.”

Scott’s appointment is effective April 28, which is his final day on “The Office.”