Never let it be said that I never “gave back” to the genre. Here are ten tips for fledgling horror writers who want to see their work go far and be appreciated:



1) Drink.

It was good enough for Edgar Allen Poe and Stephen King, but somehow you’re too good for the bottom of a bottle? Amateur.

2) Claws and Tentacles.

Or better yet, claws WITH tentacles. No, wait, that’s backwards…

3) Profanity.

When confronted with unspeakable horror from the depths of time, the last words your character speaks before parting ways with his sanity will NOT be “Golly, that thing’s gonna bite off my buttocks and swallow my gosh-darn soul!”

4) Unspeakable horrors from the depths of time.

Yeah. That’s good for starters.

5) Drama.

Skip it. If readers wanted a love story they’d go watch Lifetime.

6) Violence.

It’s quality vs. quantity. If you can’t manage both, then pick one, crank it up to eleven, and rip the knob off. Then add more.

7) Pacing.

If there’s a slow, boring part in the story… fill it with zombies and set it on fire.

8) Survival instinct.

If all your characters do when confronted with horror is run and scream… you need to go outside more. Anything that crawls out of the sewers in MY neighborhood is going to get shot twice before it gets to the other side of the street.

9) Hope.

Characters need it. Readers need it. Give it to them. Then fill it with zombies and set it on fire.

10) Borderline insanity.

Not the characters… YOU. If you’ve never considered the idea that, at the very least, you might be “slightly disturbed”… pick another genre.