BayLLLLLL(W)LLLLLLLor

As a Longhorn fan, it may be a bit disheartening to be reminded that Baylor football hasn’t suffered a losing record since 2009. They soared through six winning seasons with mortician hobbyist Art Briles and enjoyed one riding-into-the-sunset season of Jim Grobe, the au pair who tried really hard to not ask the family why the middle bedroom has a lock on outside. But reversion to the mean is an unstoppable force--just ask my fantasy football team--and Baylor breached its moving average sometime around Robert Griffin’s Heisman ceremony.

For more promising news...to the time machine:

On Oct. 15, 2016, Baylor defeated the Kansas Jayhawks, 49-7. Since then, the Bears have lost every Big 12 game they’ve played, along with non-conference losses to football powerhouses Liberty, UTSA, and Duke. Their lone win, sandwiched between losing streaks of 6 and 7 (so far) games, was a bowl victory over Boise State.

Now who started this downward spiral, you ask? That’s right Baptist Biyatches -- the Fighting Texas Longhorns. When last we met, Baylor was an undefeated, top-10, National Championship aspirant. Now they do their best to convince people that “no really, we play Power 5 football -- see look at these pictures of (noted sleezeball) RGIII.”

I mean how does it feel to be looking up the FOOTBALL standings at Kansas? [Aggies - before you chime in with a “But Texas lost to…” just remember that Kansas has more BCS bowl appearances than you, so get back to mopping].

I’m just glad that Baylor is finally getting introspective and imposing their own “Death Penalty” that the NCAA is too cowardly to execute.

Hook ‘Em, and let’s eat some Bear-B-Cue

New Rivalry?

Texas Governor Greg Abbott is trying to either win a Nobel prize, get re-elected, or start a new state rivalry between the Texas Longhorns and the country’s largest community college, the Texas Agricultural and Mechanical Institute of Technology.

Texas beat the aggy 73-69 (nice) in Houston, with benefits going towards Harvey Relief. Mo Bamba seems as fine as any to add a superfluous nail in to the coffin that Justin Tucker kicked closed.

Texas knows no rival but OU...and Kansas (now on Thanksgiving!)

Better Know a Roster

Preston Heard (QB, SO) Jalen Hurd (WR, SR) - They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but they also say “Get you a man who can do both.” So...Hey Boo.

Christian Beard (OL, JR) - All Mike Pence jokes aside, has Tim Tebow ever had a long-term relationship? At least Aaron Rodgers had Oliva Munn.

Jalen Pitre (LB, FR) - I usually prefer “cesspool,” but I think Pitre Dish is a fine way to describe Baylor over the past few years.

Pooh Stricklin (WR, SO) - Pooh Stricklin should be the 300 pound guy who doesn’t even have to get up to actually beat anyone to be an enforcer. Not some flashy catcher of passes.

Raleigh Texada (CB, RS-FR), Rajah Preciado (S, SO) - As much guff as we’ve given Baylor in past Pregamers, we always find some incredible names we love...(Shock Linwood, Brother Silas Nacita, etc). These two fall somewhere into that category, but could just as easily be names of Tex-Mex fusion restaurants (Carolina-BBQ and Indian, respectively).

Thor Rodoni (LS, SO) - If you’re gonna be a long-snapper from “The Bathrooms” Califora (Los Banos), you better be named something that will make people think twice before mocking you. A resounding hammer on this one.

Henry Klinge III (OL, FR) - Ok, 18 year old from Southlake Carroll, we get it. Your “dad could sue us” if we keep talking to you that way.

Dalton Justice (OL, SO) - Keeping the theme going from Coach Gundy last week, this guy is a throat punch of justice.

Better Know More Anagrams

Because he is new to the Big 12, he would think he escaped last season’s Very Famous Pregamer Anagrams, but alas Matt Rhule.

Male Truth

Uh...Mr. Latte?

Metal Hurt

Ham Turtle

Rattle (&) Hum

That Lemur

Heal Mr. Tut

Things from Places

The word on Herman was that he “beat the big teams,” and though he has has been frustratingly close against OU, OSU, and USC, he does have one Top-25 win.

Mike Leach continues to be a giver of joy. Never stop swinging your sword, coach. #CJK5H

Texas Defense the past 7 quarters against the #1 offense in the country (2 OU, 4+OT OSU): 22 points surrendered...Quick. Someone designate Todd Orlando “Head Coach in Waiting.”

In the least-shocking Big 12 news of the week: West Virginia Mascott arrested for DUI.

Predictions

Kyle Carpenter: Two of us had a crazy week, one is in China, and Baylor hasn’t won any games...so this week’s Pregamer was slapped together Friday evening with all the care of Baylor’s PR department the past 24 months. Similarly, as I predicted on the Longhorn Republic Podcast, Baylor football will be ill-prepared for Texas - launching the start of Texas’ win out to close the season.

We never doubted you, Shane.

Parting Shot

when u try to count how many losses ur gonna have this season pic.twitter.com/PowvXjjB3N — GAT (@sprotsGAT) September 30, 2017

Addendum

Apparently these are in Waco...I am now travelling this week 50/50 for Chicken and Football. Anyone seen these at any other locations?