INTERVIEW WITH A SNOW BLOWER

We spoke with “Larry,’ a member of the Home Blow Boys, from the GlenWood Forest subdivision of Commack, Long Island, N.Y. SW: The Home Blow Boys. That’s… an interesting name. LARRY: Why? We all have nice homes. We wanted to include that. SW: No, the other part. LARRY: Well Home Boys is a good gang name, but since we all blow, we thought we should include that too. SW: Blow snow, yes. And how many members are in your gang? LARRY: About 15. Less if somebody has a dental appointment. Or has to work late. Or on snow days, when the kids are outta school, some of us have to be at home to make the Spaghetti-Os. Cuts into gang time. SW: How did you get started? LARRY: It was the guys in the neighborhood with snow blowers. When the snow started coming down, and kept coming down, we realized we were like kings. People would do whatever we wanted if we’d blow their driveways. We had the power. Then some guys from a nearby subdivision, Shady Estates, showed up on our street. Started blowing a couple of driveways, “as a favor.” We didn’t like that. SW: So you were united by a turf battle. LARRY: Exactly. SW: How do you settle turf disputes? LARRY: We blow each other. SW: You… LARRY: A bunch of their guys and a bunch of our guys get together on the disputed spot, and we blow each other off. SW: Surely not. LARRY: We blow snow at them and they blow snow at us. SW: Ah. LARRY: And after five minutes, whoever has more snow on their side gives up their claim. Our gang has blown, I don’t know, five or six dozen guys this winter. SW: But what about claims that you terrorize your own neighborhoods? LARRY: Who said that? What’s his address? SW: The police. They say you threaten people who try to clear their own property. They say you will take their snow blowers if they don’t join your gang. You may even beat them. LARRY: We don’t beat people. We blow them. SW: There’s got to be a better way to say that. LARRY: We blow snow at them. Because we clear the snow in Glenwood Forest. And if you have a problem with that, we’ll bury you in it. SW: But what will happen in the summer, when the snow is gone and you’ll have to face your neighbors without your “weapons?”

LARRY: Got it figured. We have riding lawnmowers. We’ll do all the lawns on our turf. And if you get in our way, we’ll ride you. Cause we’re gonna be the Home Mow Boys. SW: The Home Mow Boys. LARRY: You got it. SW: Who comes up with your gang names? LARRY: Actually it’s our wives. Surprisingly they seem to get a kick out it.