We were at school. I remember being awestruck that someone would take an interest in me. But you did and we fell in love quickly. We both came from challenging backgrounds, which probably fuelled the intensity of our relationship. What started as a playground romance became more serious – adult, even, when we moved in together.

The next two years were spent playing at being grownups – far beyond the emotional capacity of two teenagers – but for a while it worked. I thought it would never end.

You got a great job, while I worked in a shop. Your life was broadening, whereas I wanted mine to stay the same. Inevitably, our relationship became strained; my insecurity and jealously became unbearable. And we split up. You met someone else and moved on and away. The pain was unbearable, and I tried to take my own life.

I was still in love with you, still broken inside because of you. I tried to move on, but each relationship was a failure as I compared it with ours.

Then I met my wife, went back to college, got a serious job. I thought I had finally got over you.

And then, through an early social media site, we started chatting and agreed to meet. I wanted to get closure, but seeing you that night made me realise I was still in love with you. We kissed and made wild promises. We met again and I wanted to tell you how I felt, but was unable to. We drifted apart once more and I had to grieve for you all over again.

Years passed; I thought of you still. But I had travelled, had children, built a life beyond anything I thought possible. For the first time in my life, I had found peace with myself. Then I saw you on social media again and we spent a Saturday night chatting via WhatsApp. I asked if we were flirting. You said yes, and that you had never really left me. I was confused, excited, happy, scared.

We spoke on the phone, and hearing your voice left me close to tears. I know I’m being selfish, but I want more. More of you. You are with someone and I’m married. We both have children. Part of me hopes that time has changed us to the point where we don’t go any further. But those feelings I had for you are back.

How do you feel about me? I don’t want to lose you again. I want to love you and be able to love you. I’m all over the place. I don’t know where this is going. But I know I don’t want to lose you again.

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