(MandatoryMusical Accompaniment To This Post And To At Least The Next Two Years)

And the Reign Of Morons dawns. Many in the Beltway are beside themselves which, I guess, is easier than talking to some of the new unmoored members of our national legislature -- and speaking of unmoored members, congrats to my new friend, United States Senator Joni Ernst. And all of you sweaty people waiting on hold in your cars for Mark Levin or Laura Ingraham, dream big. Anything is possible. Of course, the overall narrative is that we are in for a period of sensible conservative governance which, while it may collide from time to time with a Democratic president who declines to become whit...er...turn into Mitt Romney despite the clear verdict of a third of the voting populace, can prove that our new congressional leadership can "govern" while keeping its toes out of the oatmeal. This is why I saw Dana Bash this morning, talking to new Congressman Lee Zeldin of New York, who looks more like a member of the largely mythical Not Insane caucus than does, say, Jody Hice, the guy from Georgia who believes Islam is not a religion, or Glenn Grothman of Wisconsin, who believes that gay people are after him (Not bloody likely, Glenn), or Mark Walker, the North Carolinian who wants to start a new Mexican war, this time with...frickin' laser beams. Better to bring out Zeldin as the face of the freshman follies. He did, after all, get elected from a "blue state." Of course, Zeldin is a good little GOP squirrel who knowswhere all the nuts are buried.

The opening of a new Congress actually is rather charming. Kids and grandkids run around the Capitol, beaming and screaming, and desperate for anything that isn't boring. The "presentation" of new senators by their incumbent colleagues has a goodly portion of 18th century panache to it. (Chuck Grassley walking my new friend Joni down the aisle is a sight I'm sorry to be missing.) But then, of course, the ceremonials end, and the business of hijacking the national agenda begins in earnest. The way you know that is that, while John Boehner will easily fend off the challenge brought by the backwoods personal-injury law firm of Gohmert And Yoho ("Bitten by your neighbor's hog? Call Gohmert And Yoho Today!"), he still has to deal with the unacknowledged reality of the 2014 midterms -- that the new Republican majority, especially in the Senate, is far more radical and far more removed from The Rails than the previous Republican majority-minority split was. Look at all the stories in advance of Opening Day today. Nearly every criticism of the people challenging Boehner was made anonymously by "GOP strategists" or "members of the GOP leadership." And then there's Steve Scalise, who seems to be bulletproof, not because of his legislative genius, or because Boehner is a nice guy, but because Boehner doesn't dare do anything about him. When talking to the Klan about tax policy is a good career move, then your party still has some issues it needs to confront.

It will be interesting to see if this constructed narrative of Responsible Conservative Government holds true through the first time the president vetoes something on the new Congress's wish list. In fact, the person for whom I would have sympathy, if I felt any sympathy for him at all, is not Boehner but Mitch McConnell, whose new senatorial majority is studded with jumped-up loons from the fringes of Republican state goverrnments, like my new friend Joni, and which also still contains both Ted Cruz and Rand Paul, with their national ambitions and their utterly self-involved attitude toward their jobs. This is a harder wrangle for McConnell, who still isn't altogether popular, than the one Boehner faces. And, of course, it should be said that the Democratic party is positioned quite well to make the lives of both Boehner and McConnell utterly miserable, but very likely won't do it, because Joe Manchin (D-Anthracite). If there really is rising populist power in the Democratic party, then here's a chance to prove it. Screw with these people every way you can. Make the even more radical Republican state governments more furious at the "Washington establishment" than it already is. Monkeywrench the whole business and explain in simple terms to the country why you're doing it. This has to start in the White House. The rest of the country needs to be protected from the hazardous material for which a third of it voted.

Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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