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Hitler reacts to Amazon's HQ2 invasion of Arlington, Virginia

Amazon at the doorstep

00:00 - 00:03 They've announced occupation of three neighborhoods

00:04 - 00:05 They're calling it "National Landing"

00:05 - 00:07 "Crystal City" is gone

00:08 - 00:12 So is "Pentagon City"

00:12 - 00:15 And "Potomac Yard"

00:17 - 00:19 It's not a problem.

00:19 - 00:21 I can still get a condo in Rosslyn

00:24 - 00:26 My führer...

00:27 - 00:28 Rosslyn has...

00:31 - 00:33 Rosslyn has already been occupied by Nestlé

00:34 - 00:36 Even the Blue line is full now

00:53 - 00:58 If you own a home north of Lee Highway -- get out of the room.

01:13 - 01:15 How the hell could this happen?

01:15 - 01:17 There are TWO Whole Foods in Arlington

01:18 - 01:23 And now I'll have to DRIVE to get to either one?

01:25 - 01:28 If I wanted to use a car every day

01:29 - 01:31 I'd already live in Manassass!

01:31 - 01:34 1.2 million dollars for a STUDIO?

01:34 - 01:37 Aurora Highlands is now some kind of

01:37 - 01:40 Techbro Disneyland?

01:40 - 01:42 You can take a scooter to Whole Foods

01:42 - 01:46 A scooter. From Bailey's Crossroads!?

01:46 - 01:48 They're bringing 25,000 jobs!

01:48 - 01:52 Do I LOOK like a fucking programmer?

01:53 - 01:54 I'm a GS-14.

01:56 - 01:57 I get COLAs. That's it.

01:57 - 02:00 And now Virginia will bankrupt itself

02:00 - 02:03 Building Tech's "Innovation Campus"

02:04 - 02:08 Training kids to organize boxes faster

02:08 - 02:13 With not even a new BUS for Columbia Pike

02:14 - 02:16 Much less a Streetcar!

02:17 - 02:21 The rest of the CIP is now delayed for 15 years!

02:27 - 02:29 I moved out of DC on purpose.

02:30 - 02:34 I made friends in Arlington

02:34 - 02:36 I wanted a place with beer gardens

02:41 - 02:42 And now Amazon gets it all themselves

02:43 - 02:47 TWO new metro entrances, "complete streets"

02:48 - 02:53 and a HELIPAD

02:54 - 02:56 For their new HQ building

02:56 - 02:59 With a WALKWAY to National Airport

03:00 - 03:02 Which will only fly to SEATTLE!

03:04 - 03:07 Don't worry. You can still use Dulles!

03:14 - 03:16 I hoped after BRAC

03:19 - 03:23 I could at least get a bungalow

03:25 - 03:26 And keep the dog

03:31 - 03:33 And now my only hope

03:40 - 03:46 Is to gentrify Annacostia

03:46 - 03:49 And rebrand it as "Capital Hill South"