For some reason, CBCSports.ca senior writer Brandon Hicks has been assigned an advice column for the duration of the NHL playoffs. We have no idea how this happened, though he claims he was given the duty during the end-of-regular-season party. We're not even sure that he's been receiving questions from real people. We have been told by our lawyers to remind you that neither CBC nor CBCSports.ca endorses the advice given below. Read at your own peril.

Dear Brandon,

You are as brilliant as you are handsome, and your journalistic professionalism knows no equal. I was wondering if you, with your staggering intellect, would answer a question for me: I have no idea who to go for in the playoffs! What do I do?

Crandon Bicks

Dear Crandon,

You are not alone. Millions of people around the world are in your position: confused, scared, with a little bit of indigestion from lunch. But fear not. I have devised a completely scientific flowchart that, if you answer honestly, will select the perfect playoff team for you to cheer for based on your personality traits. Or something.

*I'd call seeing the Leafs win the Stanley Cup without even making the playoffs a pretty unrealistic expectation...