In any event, we went through the ten pages posted in English on the government-run Xinghua news service to pull out the interesting stuff. Here's the rundown of China's accusations against the U.S., as broken down in the "report":

"I. On Life, Property and Personal Security"

This is the section where "10 Facts About Crime in the United States that Will Blow Your Mind" makes its appearance, cited in claiming that the U.S. has "the world's highest incident of violent crimes." The section covers, with great disapproval, the country's gun laws, its high shooting statistics in Chicago, and the high-profile Giffords shooting. The upshot? The U.S. has a problem with violence, and "its people's lives, properties and personal security are not duly protected."

"II. On Civil and Political Rights"

The report alleges that, in the U.S., "violation of citizens' civil and political rights by the government is severe." Examples include Department of Homeland Security electronic surveillance, visa denials (which isn't quite "citizens'" rights, if we're being picky, but it's clear what they're driving at), and TSA full-body scans and pat-downs. Here's another startling statement: "Abuse of violence and torturing suspects to get confession is serious in the U. S. law enforcement." Believe it or not, they're not talking about Guantanamo, but rather about the NYPD paying "about 964 million U.S. dollars to resolve claims against its officers over the past decade." This section also questions whether the U.S. can call itself the "land of freedom" with so many people in its prisons, and uses recent exonerations through DNA evidence as a sign that "wrongful conviction" is a serious problem in the country.

"The U.S. regards itself as 'the beacon of democracy,'" reads another paragraph. "However, its democracy is largely based on money." This leads to a discussion of campaign finance. Here, the report also addresses the particularly thorny issue of Internet freedoms: