DUDE, WE'RE GONNA GO DUCT TAPETHAT MARK KID TO THE BLEACHERS,

YOU WANNA HELP ?

I CAN'T.

I HAVE TO WAIT FORREBECCA TO SHOW UP.

OH, BROTHER !

DON'T YOUOH BROTHER ME !

SHE'S THE WOMANOF MY DREAMS !

YOU SUCK NOW, KYLE.

YOU SUCK !

BOYS AND GIRLS CAN IHAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE ?

THIS YEAR WE HAVE A VERYSPECIAL GUEST PERFORMING

AT THE SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARYBAY OF PIGS MEMORIAL DANCE.

HE WAS A MUSICAL FORCEIN THE '70s AND '80s

PLEASE WELCOME, RONNI JAMES DIO !

ARE YOU READY TO ROCK,BOYS AND GIRLS ?!

I SAIDARE YOU READY TO ROCK ?!

UH, SURE, I GUESS.

THEN LET'S HIT IT !

I KNOW YOU'LL ALLREMEMBER THIS ONE.

IT'S OFF MYFIRST SOLO ALBUM.

THE SONG THAT YOU ALLHELPED ME MAKE NUMBER ONE !

♪ HOLY DIVER

♪ YOU'VE BEEN DOWN TOO LONGIN THE MIDNIGHT SEA ♪

HEY, THERE HE IS,THERE'S THE HOME SCHOOL KID !

COME ON, LET'S GO DUCT TAPE HIMTO THE FLAG POLE.

HEY, ISN'T THAT THEHOME SCHOOL KID'S SISTER ?

HI, GUYS !

( smooch )

HOLY COW !

HEY, BABY,COME SEE ME LATER, 'KAY ?

WHAT THE--DAMN, BABY !

HEY, KYLE,WANNA GO MAKE OUT ?

REBECCA... YOU...

REBECCA, WHAT THEDEVIL ARE YOU DOING ?!

I'M HAVING FUN, MARK !

OH GOODNESS !

YOU'RE OUT OF CONTROL !

YOU DID THISTO MY SISTER !

UH... ALL I DID WASSHOW HER HOW TO--

YOU MADE MY SISTERINTO A SLUT !

I'LL KILL YOU !

AAAGHGH !

YOU BITCH !

I'M GONNA WHOOPYOUR BITCH ASS !

OH MY GOD !

DUDE, HE'S KICKINGTHE CRAP OUT OF KYLE !

YEAH, HE'SA BAD-ASS !

ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT,THAT'S ENOUGH, BOYS !

I'M NOT THROUGHWITH YOU, BITCH !

HEY, YOU'REPRETTY COOL, MARK.

YEAH, THAT WASREAL BAD-ASS

HOW YOU STOOD UPFOR YOUR SISTER.

I'D A KICKED KYLE'SBITCH-ASS TOO.

YOU WANNA HAVE GRABSOME CAKE WITH ME ?

NO, HE'S MY FRIEND !

HE SAID HE'DHANG OUT WITH ME !

THEY'VE GOT TOBE HERE SOMEWHERE !

HEY, THERE'S COTSWOLDS !

COME ON, LET'S DUCT-TAPE HIMTO THE FLAGPOLE !

YEAH !YEAH !YEAH !

( music stops )

WHERE ARE MY CHILDREN ?

I'M TAKING THEM OUT OFTHIS GOD-FORSAKEN PLACE !

CALM DOWN, PAPA.

EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT.

YOU SEE, I'VE LEARNEDSOMETHING TODAY.

PUBLIC SCHOOLS MAY BE A BITLACKING IN EDUCATION,

BUT IT'S THE MAIN PLACEWHERE CHILDREN LEARN

ALL OF THEIRSOCIAL SKILLS.

YOU CAN'T TEACH A CHILDSOCIAL SKILLS,

THEY HAVE TO LEARN THEMTHEMSELVES,

AND THE ONLY PLACE TO DO THATIS ON THE PLAYGROUND

IN THE CAFETERIAAND SO ON.

DON'T YOU SEE, PAPA ?

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENEDTO YOUR DAUGHTER.

YOU TRIED SO HARD TO KEEP HERFROM ANYTHING SEXUAL,

AND NOW LOOK AT HER,SHE'S A GODDAMNED WHORE, PAPA !

WOW, SHE SURE IS.

I KNOW LETTING YOUR KIDS OUTINTO THE WORLD IS SCARY.

I KNOW YOU WISH NOTHING BADWOULD EVER HAPPEN TO US.

BUT BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN,

AND WE HAVE TOSTART LEARNING NOW

HOW TO DEAL WITHTHOSE THINGS.

MARK... YOU'REABSOLUTELY RIGHT...

OKAY, CHILDREN,IF IT'S WHAT YOU WANT,

YOU CAN START GOINGTO PUBLIC SCHOOL !

ALRIGHT !ALRIGHT !ALRIGHT !

NICE SPEECH, NERD-O.

THANKS, GAY-WAD.

NOW YOU'REGETTING IT !

WELL, COME ON GUYS,IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN

WE STILL HAVE SOMEONE TODUCT-TAPE TO THE FLAG POLE !

YEAH !HOORAY !YEAH !

WHAT ?!

SEE YA, PAPA !

WELL, I'M GLAD WE ALLLEARNED SOMETHING TODAY, KIDS.

NOW LET'S DANCE !

♪ HOLY DIVER

♪ YOU'VE BEEN DOWN TOO LONGIN THE MIDNIGHT SEA ♪

♪ OH WHAT'SBECOMING OF ME ♪