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Also, as a millennial, I am powerless to think about anything other than myself and my own feelings on everything. That is also one of the things that just makes me the absolute worst, and I would love to fight against it, but hey, fish can’t change the current of the water they’re swimming in.

And it is only really after gazing profoundly into your own navel that you can truly appreciate how filthy and disgusting it truly is. Clearly another thing my generation needs to learn is hygiene. Or, no, wait, sorry, no one has yet complained about millennials as potentially dirty. That was the hippies. Sorry, the last thing I, someone who uses the phrase “millennials” with no trace of nausea, wants to do is have anything resembling an original or unique insight into this phenomena.

Lazy. Entitled. Selfish. Environmentally conscious. No, wait, that one could be construed by these self-involved millennials as a compliment. Whiny. Safe spaces. Coddled. Political correctness run amok. Selfie. Socially awkward. Texting. For the love of god, TEXTING. There, sorry, hopefully now you’ve forgotten about the part you haven’t seen before. Please continue to employ me, Boomer or, god forbid, Gen X-er boss.

The important thing, though, is not to uncritically parrot a mush of buzzwords and crotchety complaints with a note of smug condescension. The important thing is to remember that this generation emerged, Athena-like, fully formed out of Steve Jobs’ head at the launch of the original iPhone, and has not been influenced or shaped in other ways by the society that has raised them from birth.