“Empathy”… That’s supposed to be my “word of the week”, apparently.

So stupid, right? But Dr. Savage really wants me to try writing about it (I knew I never should have told him about my journal. Ugh!).

So, anyway… here I am.

He loves giving me stupid little homework assignments like that. I’ve been here for like two months already, and I keep hoping and hoping he’s gonna let up. But he never does.

Like a few weeks ago, when he made me come up with one thing I really like about myself, and one thing I wish I could change. And then explain my reasons for each one too (See? This is seriously like school or something).

Of course, I got a ton of shit for “not taking it seriously”. But I think saying I wanna change my clothes is a perfectly valid answer! I’m so sick of these ugly jumpsuits already. Ha! (Okay, okay. Maybe he had a point).

Anyway, he gave me this huge freaking guilt trip about it, so I promised I’d try to actually do what he wanted this time.

He told me my ultimate goal should be finding empathy for “the people I’ve hurt” (it was so hard not to roll my eyes at that!), but that I can just focus on the people around me first. He told me to try thinking about the other women in here. “I bet you can learn a lot from them,” he said. Pssh. Yeah, right.

Guess I’ll try taking a stab at it. Not like I talk to that many people around here anyway. There’s not exactly a lot of people to pick from.

I mean, there’s Katie, obviously. But it’s so hard to try empathizing with someone when you have no freaking clue what their deal is!

I just wish I could figure out what the hell’s going on with her. It’s like she can’t decide whether to be a total bitch to me, or try being my friend. We’ve been living together for like two months, and I still don’t have answers.

I’m still “deaf girl” to her. She still teases me about stupid shit all the time. She’s got this stuck-up, condescending attitude that just makes me wanna… ugh! It’s just like when we were back at school.

But… she also stays quiet when she hears me cry about Phoenix. She doesn’t make fun of me then. She saves me a seat in the dining hall every day. She even helped me stand up to that bully Tim when I nearly got on her bad side last week.

What the hell could it all mean?

I mean, is this whole “helping me out” thing an act or something? Is Katie gonna turn on me one of these days? I just can’t let my guard down around her. And I definitely can’t get inside that head of hers. Sorry, Dr. S.

Writing about Tim kinda got me thinking though. I haven’t really talked about her much before (Yes, Tim’s a girl. ‘Tim’ comes from her last name, I think… She’d probably deck you if you ever tried calling her anything else!). She’s probably the biggest, baddest bitch in here. And… I think I can maybe see why. I think I kinda get it. Her head’s a little easier to get into than Katie’s.

I’m pretty sure a lot of it has to do with her and her girlfriend. I mean, they aren’t the only girls dating each other around here. But not everyone’s as accepting of it as you might think. Especially when it comes to Kelly and Tim…

They definitely stand out a lot more than the others do. I guess you’d have to see the two of them to understand why. They’re polar opposites — Kelly’s tall, black, and drop-dead gorgeous. A total sweetheart too. It’s not hard to see what Tim sees in her. It’s the other side of things that’s kind of a mystery… And I’m not just talking physically. I mean yeah, they really couldn’t look any more different. But it’s probably Tim’s ugly personality that’s the biggest difference between them. The biggest mystery of all.

The only time I think I’ve ever seen her smile is when she’s with Kelly.

I still think Tim’s a total psycho bitch for the way she flips out on people, but now that I’m thinking about it, I think I kinda understand. She can probably feel the way people stare at the two of them. She can hear the things they whisper. We all do. And that’s gotta hurt, doesn’t it?

Like, I’m the only one around here with a hearing aid. And people love to stare at it, or treat me differently because of it. Even talk about me behind my back over it. And yeah, it fucking sucks.

No one likes being different. And even more than that, no one likes being reminded they’re different either.

Now that’s something I can understand. Something I can “empathize” with. Hopefully that’s good enough for Dr. S.

Of course, all this empathizing crap doesn’t mean I actually like Tim or anything. It doesn’t matter whether I understand her or not… she still scares the shit out of me, to be honest.

Like, just this morning she nearly decked one of the new girls in the hall. What a first impression of the place, huh? As if being stuck in here isn’t shitty enough!

I’ll admit it… I was kinda, um… “admiring the view” a bit as the new girl walked by.

But unfortunately, Tim thought that she was checking out a view of her own.

And she didn’t like that one bit.

Good thing I was able to sweep in there and sweet talk her before she actually did anything. Nearly had the poor newbie pinned against the wall by the time I got over there… But she let go pretty quick. Katie’s definitely taught me a thing or two — Including how to handle Tim when she’s pissed. It wasn’t too hard to convince her to lay off.

The poor new girl was so shaken up though… She just kinda mumbled ‘thanks’ and scurried off to her room. I didn’t even get a chance to ask for her name or anything.

Not like I won’t have plenty of chances to ask later though… Especially if she ends up needing me to swoop in and rescue her again. And honestly? I kinda hope she does (and no, not just for another excuse to check out her ass).

It actually felt really good helping her out. I’ve been in her shoes before, y’know? I remember how scary my first few days were around here. Hell, it’s still pretty scary around here some days. And I remember how grateful I felt having someone to look out for me… Even if that someone happened to be Katie. Figured I might as well “pay it forward” a little.

I mean, we’re all in the same boat around here, right? It doesn’t matter what we did to end up in here. The truth is, we’re all scared shitless. We’re lonely and we’re sad and we’re angry. We don’t really have anybody.

Except each other.

Anyway, I think that’s enough of this silly “empathizing” for one day.

What a stupid waste of time.