We don’t listen to people in wheelchairs, Tories tell Stephen Hawking

Stephen Hawking has been advised not to raise concerns about the NHS as the Conservative party won’t listen to any who can’t stroll around pompously like one of them.

The world famous scientist, who is arguably one of the most intelligent individuals on the planet, delivered a talk in Cambridge today in which he voiced grave concerns over the increasing privatisation of the NHS, and warned that the Conservatives could destroy the great institution altogether if not careful.

Former Conservative party advisor Simon Williams, who saw sense and deserted the far-right party several years ago told reporters in Cambridge “Professor Hawking has excelled himself again with this damning attack on Tory healthcare policy.

“He gave the issue of privatisation the full benefit of his great mind and wisdom, and has sent a stark warning to Jeremy Hunt.”

Shaking his head slightly he added, “Sadly, this will of course fall on deaf ears, as the Tories won’t listen to anyone not capable of prancing like a prick into the Bullingdon club or leaping onto a horse to chase a fox down and see it ripped to shreds.

“Perhaps they would listen if he could join Cabinet for a quick run around a wheat field, but this is out of the question

“And whenever a wheelchair user speaks to the Conservatives in person, well, they may as well be invisible.”

He added, “I just hope there are no repercussions for the professor – it wouldn’t surprise me if they take his electric wheelchair and his fancy computer off him for this.”