I am not at a store right now. I have not been at a store at any time today, and I do not intend to visit any store today—except maybe for a liquor store. But good grief, people, you need to SHUT THE HELL UP with your snooty comments/tweets/posts about how stupid Black Friday is. Here’s why:

It’s boring. There are millions of people complaining today about how stupid Black Friday is, and anyone who’s listening to/following you has probably correctly guessed how you feel about it. Do you really need to jump on the bandwagon? Is there really that much danger that anyone might think you’ve been eagerly anticipating this day for months?

It’s classist. With planning, it’s possible to easily save hundreds of dollars via Black Friday specials. For a lot of families, that’s a lot of money. Of course there are many people who shop on Black Friday purely for fun, but it seems awfully privileged to sit there and scorn people who are out taking advantage of very low prices on common household goods. I actually saw a retweet of this, shortly after midnight: “If we would just drop bombs on all the Wal-Marts across the country right now, the crime rate would go down 75%.”

The ridiculousness is part of the point. Generalizing about Black Friday shoppers by saying they’re just out for deals on things they don’t need reflects a lack of imagination about why people do what they do. Of course it’s ridiculous to make a line around the block to get into Target at midnight on a Thursday night; that’s a big part of the point. Families and friends go out and make a party of Black Friday shopping; they bring fortification and make battle plans and probably have a really great time at it. What’s more ridiculous: having fun and getting great deals, or sitting at home scowling and complaining about people you don’t even know doing what they want to do and not hurting you or anyone else?

Welcome to the human race. You know what? Millions and millions of people every day do a lot of shit that’s a lot stupider than shopping on Black Friday. If you have a specific complaint about a specific shopper who trampled your kitten, fine. If you have a substantive observation about the dangers of unregulated markets, go for it. But if you’re just going to harumph about people being dumb, go stick your head in the oven with the turkey. We’re human beings, and this is how we roll.

- Jay Gabler

Photo by Jennuine Captures (Creative Commons)