‘Florence Is The First Major Hurricane To Threaten Real Americans During My Presidency,’ Says Trump

South Carolina (The Plebian): President Trump is very worried about Hurricane Florence, which is expected to make landfall in the Carolinas this weekend. “The Carolina’s are home to lots of very good people. It’s a shame to see such a beautiful part of the country get hit,” The President tweeted out this morning. “I just hope all American’s stay safe during the storm. If only the storm could be moved to place with less hard working people like South Eastern Louisiana or off the coast near Puerto Rico. I can imagine how relieved President Bush was when Katrina hit New Orleans.”

Other people in the White House were relieved that the storm might distract from the Mueller probe and Woodward’s book. “Thank god the storm is hitting somewhere,” said one White House Aide. “We were the ones being pelted with scandals and Russia news.”