Stop being such a dick about Temple of Love, Andrew Eldritch told

Andrew Eldritch has been told to grow the hell up and play Temple of Love properly for once.

Eldritch, who resents the song because his fans love it and he’s still emotionally twelve years old, has made a point of playing it as badly as possible for decades – using techniques such as distortion, reverb, and singing slightly flat and as badly as possible because that’s what grown-ups do with things that make others happy.

The song, which along with This Corrosion effectively defined the gothic oeuvre for a generation in the mid-1980s, has proven enduringly popular – much to its creator’s dismay.

“I’ve actually got about five albums of material that I’ll never record unless someone gives me millions,” Andrew told us whilst making sure his band’s instruments were as out of tune as possible for his next performance.

“Until then I’ll keep playing the old material at the wrong tempo from behind a smoke machine. Because that’s how much I love my fans.

“Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got to go and hit Doktor Avalanche with a brick.”

When asked, fans of the Sisters of Mercy said they know it’s bad but at least they’re not following The Fall.