"I think we can classify this as really not my night.”

Ryan Miller was calmly reflecting on the five pucks that ended up behind him on only 13 shots, zero of which - well, partially one, maybe - were his fault. Sometimes the cookie doesn’t crumble, it explodes into a zillion pieces.

Miller will take the brunt of the blame, as goalies do in blowout losses, but let’s take a moment to vindicate Vancouver’s shellshocked tender. If you’re pointing fingers today, aim them at Canucks skaters.

***

1-0

Alexandre Burrows scores (on Ryan Miller)

Alexandre Burrows first gets punked on the backcheck, as Ryan Garbutt gives him the ‘ol “GET OFF ME,” then proceeds to all but one-time the puck past a surprised Miller.

(Courtesy: NHL.com)

That’s simply a weird play for Miller, who doesn’t expect the puck to be coming from that angle, let alone on net. Thanks for the help, Alex.

2-0

Nick Bonino drops his stick, really wants it back

I’m gonna give you some good insider dirt here: penalty killing is easier with a hockey stick.

So when Nick Bonino loses his, he figures he’ll take the extra four seconds to retrieve it, while the Dallas Stars get set up on the power play.

Bad call.

Burrows (familiar name) then doubles up on the already-checked puck carrier, which leaves a lot of open space down “the esophagus,” as the great Daryl Reaugh says.

(Courtesy: NHL.com)

Miller is deep in his net, and expecting a higher (better? Or was this on purpose?) shot than Cole’s mid-high, not-really-inside-the-post wrister. Either way, that chance is too good to give up five seconds after a neutral zone face-off.

3-0

Dammit Tanev, you serious?

Hahahaha.

(Courtesy: NHL.com)

I legitimately don’t know if I would’ve had the killer instinct to mash that puck the way Seguin did on this goal, given the bodies strewn about the crease. I feel like he could’ve killed Tanev.

This goes in off the left post, low. The shot almost misses the net.

And Miller be like … seriously?

4-0

If he’d only taped that knob a bit smaller ...

This Jamie Benn shot is going wide, but Miller makes the play all goalies would make and decides to punch it to safety, just to be sure.

But man. As he pulls his hand down after punching the puck to the corner, he pulls the knob of his stick toward himself, which spanks the puck into the net.

Come on. He couldn’t do that again with 20 cracks at it.

(Courtesy: NHL.com)

5-0

To hell with this

Maybe Miller had a shot to stop this one, but we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt given the deflating nature of the previous four goals, the breakaway allowed and stopped, and the trailer being allowed to walk down main street and take a one-timer while Miller’s moving.

(Courtesy: NHL.com)

"I think we can classify this as really not my night.”

Yes. Yes we can.