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Zach Baron's GQ profile of Jaden Smith hit the web earlier this morning, and right from the get-go, Jaden claims all of our favorite Jaden Smith tweets…


are bullshit. Via GQ:



“Me and Willow are scientists,” he explains, “so everything for us is a scientific test upon humanity. And luckily we're put in a position where we can affect large groups of human beings at one time.” Fame is their lab, is what he's saying, and we are the subjects. He'll get on Twitter and tweet something like “The Biggest Flex Anyone Will Ever Have Is Dying.” Or the T Magazine interview they did last year, the one that left everyone convinced they were drunk on prana energy: “That experiment—it went really, really well,” he tells me. “We got to see how people reacted. And they actually ended up reacting exactly as we predicted beforehand that they would react.”


So, if we take this quote at face value, Jaden may not actually be a fascinating weirdo, but just a garden variety internet troll. But! The interview continues, and Jaden—speaking, we must assume, earnestly—continues to sound properly batshit.

Here's Jaden telling Baron about a pyramid he built in his room:



“It's at my parents' house. Half of a pyramid. The tip is missing, but the whole structural thing is built, and it sits at 12.5 feet tall. I'll Instagram a picture of it once this comes out, so people know what I'm talking about.”

Here's Jaden telling Baron about something called Mystery School, which he later confirms is real:



“Me and my sister started this initiative called Mystery School. It dates back to like ancient Egypt, ancient Greece—like Plato, Pythagoras, all these students had mystery schools. And what they learned in there was sacred. They would learn the math and sciences of that generation, and then they would build the cities and give that energy and that knowledge to the other people. And a lot of stuff they would keep really, really to themselves. Like, you couldn't say the word dodecahedron, which is just a shape, outside of one of the mystery schools or they would, like, kill you or whatever. Because it was such a sacred shape.”


And here's Jaden telling Baron he's just going to dip out in 10 years:



“No one will know where I am in ten years. They'll see me pop up, but they'll be like, ‘Where'd you come from?’ No one will know. No one will know where I'm at. No one will know who I'm with. No one will know what I'm doing. I've been planning that since I was like 13.”


I suppose it's necessary to concede that he might just be fucking with Baron even after admitting to Baron that he is constantly just fucking with people. But, still, even that is a brilliantly strange way to approach a celebrity profile.


I still believe Jaden Smith is a time-traveling alien sent to bring us The Real Truth. You're not fooling me, Jaden Smith.

Michael Rosen is a reporter for Fusion based out of Oakland.