TOKYO, Japan — Studio Sunrise announced earlier today that they would be removing every single episode of Gintama from all streaming services such as Amazon and Crunchyroll due to their discovery that parody is completely unprotected in Japan.

The surprising move was sparked by an announcement that the first episode of Osomatsu-san will be removed from home video and streaming, due to the fact that it included several references to copyrighted works and such parody is unprotected in Japanese law.

“After the [Osomatsu-san] announcement, we looked into it and as it turns out, you’re actually not allowed to parody works created by other people at all. I really wish someone had told us about that before we started making our anime,” Gintama director Chizuru Miyawaki told reporters while emptying his desk drawers full of Gintama notes and reference drawings into a waste bin.

“As it turns out, the only reason we haven’t gotten complaints until now is because no one else knew about the parody laws either, and they all assumed what we were doing was fine. Now Studio Perriot’s coming after us for revenge for that time we parodied Bleach, LionsGate Entertainment is suing for that Saw parody we did, and Hirohiko Araki is claiming that Gintoki is just a Joseph Joestar ripoff. It’s not our fault Tomokazu Sugita did the voice for the Jojo’s adaptation, we had him first!”

While not every episode of Gintama contains a parody, Miyawaki has reportedly decided to remove every episode “just to be safe.”

“Since there’s so many at this point we’ve lost track of which episodes make references. And honestly, as Ai Takabe’s recent drug scandal proved, when one person makes a mistake the best thing to do is to remove everything ever associated with the person and pretend like it never existed in the first place. Therefore, we will be tracking down every DVD copy and manga volume of Gintama ever produced and burning them in a giant bonfire of shame.”

TV Tokyo’s Yuuichi Takahashi apologized earlier this week for the network’s lapse in judgement in allowing the Osomatsu-san team to express their creativity, and dutifully censored the episode to prevent any further damage caused by the reckless and dangerous gag comedy. In a similar vein, Miyawaki belatedly apologized for the pain and suffering caused by her magnum opus.

“I am so sorry for inflicting Gintama upon the world,” Miyawaki tearfully announced to the assembled press.

“I deeply regret every creating that anime. It was because of my shortsightedness that I added humor and parody to the show to enhance the storytelling. I know I have hurt countless people with my reckless anime, and I now understand that the only acceptable anime under Japanese law are schoolgirl harem shows.”

At press time, all of Ai Takabe’s works and every episode of Gintama are available only through piracy. Most anime fans have noticed no change.

Developing story: Shortly after the press conference ended, Anime Maru’s correspondent was arrested by Japanese authorities and is awaiting trial for copyright infringement. An arrest warrant for all Anime Maru staff has been issued by the Japanese government.

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