During a soundcheck yesterday in Santiago, Chile, in an outdoor arena, and I cannot stress that part enough, Madonna threw a little hissy fit because somewhere was smoking, and her robotic, droning singing voice has to be protected from such toxins.

“Someone’s smoking right now. No smoking. If you’re gonna smoke cigarettes, I’m not doing a show. You don’t care about me, I don’t care about you. I’m not kidding. I can’t sing if you smoke. Entiendes? If you love me then don’t smoke. No smoking! You’re looking right at me while you’re smoking cigarettes. Like I’m a fucking idiot.”

Yes, good for you Madonna. If it wasn’t for Adam Lanzas shenanigans, whoever it was that was smoking would win my Jerk of the Week award.