Doug Ford is not running for mayor of Toronto.

If he is, then Rob Ford is not returning to the mayoral race from wherever he says he is rehabbing. And we expect the mayor to return.

If surrogate Doug runs, he won’t win.

And if he wins, he will be such a disaster of a leader that city councillors would soon pine for Rob Ford’s return.

You’ve heard of dead politicians ruling from the grave — their appointed successor carrying out the mandate of the deceased as if the ideas are immortal.

Toronto’s equivalent is ruling from rehab — Rob Ford’s brother, Doug, attempting to carry on the mayor’s re-election campaign as if Rob never left for what he claims is rehab, though we don’t know where.

The Fords are masters of deception, a duplicitous duo who have perfected the art of the dodge. Even when we know they are taking us for a ride, we buckle up, clench our teeth and bear it.

There was Doug Ford on Tuesday and Wednesday toying with the city, offering “no comment” to questions on whether he is poised to stand in should the mayor not escape rehab in time to re-enter the mayoral race ahead of the Oct. 27 vote.

The idea is to keep the mayor in the race without subjecting him to the scrutiny of the race. What better safe haven than an unspecified rehab program from which the mayor can boast about answering constituents’ phone calls, kibitz on the phone with city councillors and grant interviews to mouthpiece journalists proclaiming how much of an amazing time he’s having getting cleaned up.

It would take a cataclysmic collapse — including lockdown manacles unknown to mankind — to keep Rob Ford from returning to the mayor’s race.

Musings about Doug’s speculative entry are designed to keep the campaign viable, even as the mayor is absent. The mayor’s core support has started to bleed away, slowly. Before the trickle becomes a gush, the Fords hope rumours of Doug assuming the mantle in case of the catastrophe will be enough to staunch the flow.

So, if Doug’s name appears on the ballot, you know the self-promoted Ford Dynasty collapsed under its own scandalous weight before the carvers started chiselling the “F”. And Doug’s acceptance of the baton would signal a desperate stab, destined to failure.

Rob Ford — even a cleaned-up version — is a long shot to be re-elected mayor of Toronto. Too much has happened. Too many former supporters now expect too many more Rob Ford eruptions to invest real faith in his candidacy.

The Doug Ford candidacy, however, would be a political Hail Mary.

You think Rob is polarizing and a headstrong bully? Take a look at Doug and you see the evil half of the diabolical twin that has turned Toronto upside down and become a laughter-inducing fascination around the world.

Where Rob is Robbie, able to present as a cuddly bear of a mannequin that might do right if only his brain wasn’t handicapped by untested impulses, Doug is entirely different, a smiling assassin.

Rob spouts respect for taxpayers, Doug can’t stomach them. Rob’s 14 years at city hall has taught him, painfully, that you can’t win all the battles (he wins few, maybe one in five) so it’s best to have a short memory and don’t expect life-long political friends and alliances. Doug expects provincial-like cabinet solidarity in a municipal political system that prides itself on independence.

If Doug Ford is to advance as a politician, it will be at the provincial or federal level where his brand of brass knuckles politics is buttressed by party discipline. Now, whether a political party would embrace, as leader, someone so vacuous and devoid of spiritual connection to the electorate, is another matter.

Upon review, yes, he would be electable as an MPP; never as party leader, a political mantle he apparently craves.

Listen to any interchange between Rob and Doug Ford and you leave thinking Doug is the instigator, the guy who looks smart but says dumb things.

In the first year of the Ford mayoralty the common complaint from city councillors was of a high-minded Doug Ford muscling them to vote for one proposal or the other, lacking finesse, overflowing with nasty mean-spiritedness and threats.

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They resented his hectoring that bordered on intimidation. And as time elapsed and everyone realized that Doug Ford was Rob Ford’s biggest enabler, the one very responsible for Rob’s inability to face the truth about his drug and alcohol use, council colleagues averted their gaze and turned away in disgust.

This is the guy who would lead 44 independent councillors? Not a chance. And we haven’t even touched his grand and malevolent plans to destroy the waterfront.

Royson James usually appears Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Email: rjames@thestar.ca

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