Finally! After a lot of arduous trial and error following the game's release, there has been a second release: the fetid undead discharge of the Gaping Dragon. After watching hours of strategy, lore, and concept art surrounding the mysterious monster located in the Depths, I managed to survive my precious dragon's assault long enough to achieve post-coitus. Words cannot possibly help describe how amazing it feels to bring a creature much larger and nastier than yourself to full fruition--it may not reward souls to do things my way, but have no fear: my way still results in something white, copious, and essential to life.One crucial thing to remember is to not fear the teeth. While it seems sensible to lovemake away from the most dangerous section of this Dark Souls boss, the closer you can get to the rows and rows of mandible-teeth in the Gaping Dragon's ribcage, the better. You are small and insignificant compared to this beast, thus making an attack on these sensitive inside areas a wise choice. He will roar and grovel if you manage to get your hands on a loose sallow spike, wiggling it around, or otherwise press and worship his inner zone.Once foreplay is over, you'll need to vie for his tiny mandible head. Simply wait for him to attempt a crushing attack, then do a sort of full-body pummel against that weird uvula skull of his. It might not sound like intercourse, and it is not--it is fantasy intercourse.fantasy intercourse. Just beat the shit out of it with your puny fists, causing it to bob up and down. If you do things right, you will be rewarded with a sort of elongation. A 'second phase,' if you will.The second phase is much easier than the first because the Gaping Dragon relents, taking your pleasure into the equation. Enjoy yourself, take things slow, and find a way to play one-handed. Just remember, he is thedragon for a reason... do not expect a call from him tomorrow morning.As for outside guides... I remember distinctly reading about 'Gaping Dragon cheese' and vomiting, since I thought it was referring somehow to my nemesis's uncut nature. Don't worry: 'cheese' refers to ways to easily kill him. So have no fear, our gorgeous boy keeps himself clean.Once again, I am so proud of myself for finding an alternative, peaceful way to handle the Gaping Dragon. This kinda feels like Undertale gameplay, now! My next mission? Seath the Scaleless. He may suffer from self-esteem issues, but I think there is a sensitive soul under there who would love nothing more than to intermingle with a quasi-undead player character.