Game Week: Illinois (2013)

Hey remember when we saw Illinois on the schedule and notched it as an automatic win where Taylor Martinez would run up 60 points and the defense would bend but not break in its first Big Ten test and we’d be 5-0, on our way to a fairly automatic 7-0?

Yeah that was three whole weeks ago.

This season is nuts. Which is good news for TWOS and bad news for my ever-growing collection of ulcers and ever-dwindling supply of bourbon. But man this is fun, isn’t it? Seriously. If you would’ve told me two weeks ago that half the fan-base would be hitching its wagon to the Tommy Armstrong star, I would’ve just figured we had fired Bo for saying “Fuck the fans” and named Joe Ganz as interim head coach. In all honesty, I feel terrible for Taylor. Like Rex Burkhead and Jared Crick before him, he’s watching from the sidelines what was supposed to be his statement senior season. I don’t care you who think should start at quarterback, that sucks for the Magic.

But it’s Tommy Time. Oh, and also our defense is the rough equivalent of 11 separate strands of spaghetti thrown at the wall to see what sticks. Except Randy Gregory. Randy Gregory is jalapeno meatballs, and he will destroy your bowels from the inside. And Stanley Jean-Baptiste is the grated parmesan you sprinkle… this metaphor went to shit.

This week in the Tunnel, Bo goes on a spiritual journey, Taylor teaches Tommy how to play quarterback and everyone attempts to pronounce Nathan Scheelhaase’s last name.

Follow TWOS on Twitter for “gems” like this. Oh, and that’s also where you can get instructions on how to get your own red YOLOStrong bracelet in support of Turf Toe Awareness Month. Here we go: