Psychologist Toby Green offers some sibling rivalry advice to a body+soul reader...

Question: I have an attractive older sister who’s always had a plan to land a wealthy man and live the life of a princess. True to form, she found her prince. He’s a developer and travels around the world looking at sites. Since my sister has no intention of ever working, she goes, too.



I’m not jealous as I think she’s materialistic and shallow. I decided to train as a surgeon, so while she’s swanning around the world, I’m slaving away and feeling exhausted. I love what I’m aiming for, but I hate my life when I compare it to hers.



When I’m depressed, she says I should be looking for a man and leading a more “normal” life. Sometimes I contemplate tossing the whole thing in and going down her road. Should I?



Answer: Sibling conflict often occurs when there’s a clash in values. Even when children are raised by the same people, there can be wide variations on what they end up doing and being.



We’re all entitled to our choices. Your sister has chosen her path and is most likely living in a wealthy wonderland, while you, being a long-term student, are having a most unglamorous life. Private jets versus 24-hour days of internship and hard academic slog bear no comparison.



If being “materialistic” and ‘‘shallow” is in her nature, she won’t understand that you’re pursuing something with more intrinsic value to you, something that has nothing to do with finding a wealthy man and jet-setting.



From you wanting to be a surgeon, I’d guess that your values lie more in helping others and making a positive difference. You and your sister should give each other the respect to pursue whatever will bring you happiness.



Neither sibling should judge the other. As long as no one is being hurt by your differing pursuits, there’s no right or wrong here, only differences.



You may both think that the road each of you has taken is the better one. However, in your sister’s case, if you’ve evaluated her correctly, she’ll end up wealthy and you, after you’re well on your way in the practice of medicine, could end up not only wise but wealthy as well.



Toby Green, aka the 60 Second Shrink, is an Australian psychologist specialising in fast and effective mental health solutions. She has written a number of books, and founded the Karate Chop therapy method.