3. "No Baggy Hip Hop Pants"

This is a real thing.

Correctional Officers (CO"s) hate "sagging" pants (prison pants do not usually come with belts). On our unit window were guidelines for how to wear pants and a warning that "sagging" would get inmates tickets.

CO's can often be heard telling people to "pull up their pants" and screaming about not wanting to see our "asses."

They are actually kind of obsessed with this and it does seem to be a way for officers to express their racism in a way that will not get them into trouble most of the time (the majority of guards at most prisons I was at were white and the majority of the inmate population were people of color)..

Officers even tried to push the narrative that if someone was wearing "sagging pants" that doing so meant that they were inviting gay sex.

For some people, "sagging" is a fashion statement and for other's it can be a political protest (in opposition to the CO's). For some, it can simply be a sign of weight loss (prison food is exactly as bad as you would assume).

Oh, at one point during Piper's orientation, the assistant warden comes to talk to the inmates and says that she is always available but refuses to answer even one question. This is pretty accurate, in my three years in prison I only saw wardens or assistant wardens twice (in both instances, they were simply walking through the unit without talking to any inmates).

2. "Credit Denied"

Piper tries to get some cocoa butter from Sophia Burset (Laverne Cox) but is initially denied because as Taystee (Danielle Brooks) put it "Credit Denied."

It is possible that since Piper is being shut-off by Red that she might be denied purchase by credit. However, prison runs on credit. The whole economic model of the inmate economy is based on credit and interest.

In other words, this is not correct.

Now, probably the number one cause of violence in prison is debt. So, it makes sense not to use credit. But most inmates, when they don't have money, go to what is called a "Store Man" (or in this case 'Store Woman') whose business is selling things on credit and collecting with interest.

Usually, each store man or woman has a partner who is in charge of collection (the muscle).

If you are confused about how "money" works in prison, it is pretty simple. Inmates have commissary accounts and the money you earn working (for pennies per hour) or that your friends or family deposit in your account allow you to purchase goods from the store list (a list of goods approved for inmates by the warden). Those goods become tradable currency.

Not all goods are of equal value (there are some things on the list that nobody wants).

In Michigan, the basic unit of currency is Ramen Noodles. In other words, all prices are negotiated around the number of Ramen Noodle packs you will owe. So, say I had no money and wanted a Honey Bun from a "Store Man" they would tell me the cost in Ramen Noodle packs.

You don't have to pay in Ramen Noodles, but you have to pay the value by Ramen Noodle packets (and it is wise to make sure that the person will accept your means of payment).

When I left prison, Ramen Noodle packets ran close to 40 cents a pack (like everything else in prison, the supplier and the prison inflate the cost massively - and yes, they inflate costs basically to rip-off the family of inmates).

Between court costs, victim fees, phone email and mail costs (very high), commissary prices (inflated), supervision fees upon relief, and the ability of states to take whatever money you had in any accounts when you went to prison - the costs to prisoners and prisoners families are MASSIVE (tens of thousands of dollars).

Some of you will say, of course, prisoners should bear the costs, but the truth is coming out of prison with massive debt, a hard time finding housing, and a hard time getting jobs, is a major cause of recidivism.

If safety is the concern, you could not design a path to peaceful reintegration into society more poorly than the current "prisoners pay" model.

In addition, virtually all of these costs are borne (before and during imprisonment) by prisoner families who are almost always in poverty (and who also often have to take care of prisoner's children etc.).

By the way, the amount of money in your commissary account is important for other reasons as well. One of the key reasons that people get targeted for extortion in prison is because they have too much money and are getting too much store (getting your goods is "getting store").

How do they know how much "store" you have?

First, the extortion rings generally have someone working "store." In other words, they see who is getting the biggest amount of store goods. When they see a new prisoner getting big store bags, that makes them a target for extortion. Also, if you walk around the unit and always have extra food and/or goods, people will see it and that can make you a target.

Anyway, the larger point is that the inmate prison economy runs on credit (credit is rarely declined but the interest might change based on your reliability and status).

One thing I forgot last week is that Piper gets asked why she is in prison and says "I thought nobody was supposed to ask you that" (I think the response was, "Did you study for prison" or something like that). The truth, everybody can find out what you did because most states have publically searchable sites.

If anyone wants to know, they simply ask, and then after you answer they call a friend or family member on the outside and if the results don't match up, they will know that you lied etc.

In other words, I always told people what I did straight up (no percentage in lying). Most people won't ask, but someone always will.

1. Hot Peppers

Suzanne (Uzo Adubo aka "Crazy Eyes") brought Piper a few hot peppers which she subsequently used to make the lotion that she gives to Red (Kate Mulgrew).

Generally, a kitchen in prison would not have hot peppers (or any other food that could be weaponized). Prison food is incredibly bland because:

* Seasoning costs money...Especially, the use of fresh produce for seasoning would be highly unlikely (I never saw a tomato in prison, for instance).

* Many people have food allergies and in order to avoid having to accommodate dietary needs, cafeterias err on the side of bland.

* Seasoning is an opportunity for more store sales. You can buy salt and pepper as well as a "spice mix" on the store list. Yes, we literally carried salt and pepper shakers with us to meals every day (and it was important if you wanted any flavor in your food).

Also, hot pepper's, at least where I was located, was considered weaponized contraband. I am not kidding, you would actually be charged for having hot peppers.

That said, I did a few times acquire some hot peppers (allegedly). One of the jobs you can get in prison is working on the yard. Some people who have jobs on the yard work as gardeners. One of my cube mates planted some peppers among some flowers and brought some peppers back to the cube (a cube is a group of 8 prisoners in a level one prison - the lowest security level - in Michigan).

Obviously, if he had gotten caught with the hot peppers, he would have gotten a ticket for having dangerous contraband and maybe even new charges.

One other thing, most prisons have moved from a centralized movie night to individual televised movies. In other words, every prisoner has the ability to buy a personal television set (this is in the prison's interest because it operates like a babysitter in many ways). Every weekend, the prison plays DVD movies through an internal network that each TV can access.

The movies generally run on a loop all weekend, so everyone can watch them when they want to. It is not a collective experience (collective events require additional supervision).

Oh, sadly, the "Nobody Fucks with Cancer" statement by Rosa (Barbara Rosenblat) is kind of bullshit too. People who are sick are just as vulnerable as anyone else (often more vulnerable). But, I kind of love Rosa's character, so I will give that one a pass.

I also plan on doing a bigger thing on guards soon (if you are wondering, there are plenty of guards like Mendez aka Pornstache - Pablo Schreiber).

Unlocking The Gates