

Church of Euthanasia FAQ

Greetings, and welcome to the Church of Euthanasia's FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions).

1. What is the Church of Euthanasia?

2. Where can I find the Church on-line?

3. How do I order stickers, buttons, t-shirts, etc.?

4. How do I become a member?

5. Do I have to kill myself?

6. I've already procreated. Can I still join?

7. How can I help?

8. What's the best way for me to kill myself?

9. Why haven't you killed yourself yet?

10. How many members are there?

11. Can I use material from the Church website?

12. Where can I get EMERGENCY CONTRACEPTION?

1. What is the Church of Euthanasia?

The Church of Euthanasia is a non-profit educational foundation devoted to restoring balance between Humans and the remaining species on Earth. We believe this can only be accomplished by a massive voluntary population reduction, which will require a leap in Human consciousness to a new species awareness.

The Human population is increasing by one million every four days. This is a net increase of 95 million per year, the current population of Mexico. Even major wars or epidemics hardly dent this rate of growth, and modern wars also have tremendous environmental consequences. It is for these practical reasons, as well as moral ones, that we support only voluntary forms of population reduction.

The Church has only one commandment, and it is "Thou Shalt Not Procreate." In addition, we have four "pillars" or principles, which are Suicide, Abortion, Cannibalism and Sodomy.

Note that cannibalism is only required for those who insist on eating flesh, and is strictly limited to consumption of the already dead. Also note that sodomy is defined as any sexual act not intended for procreation: fellatio, cunnilingus, and anal sex are all forms of sodomy and are still illegal in some parts of the United States.

2. Where can I find the Church on-line?

The web site contains everything the Church has ever released, including all issues of Snuff It (complete with color photos and graphics), the complete e-sermons, a resources page with links to Church-approved sites, and an on-line catalog with an order form. This is the best way to experience the Church on-line, particularly if your browser supports graphics. The web site URL is http://churchofeuthanasia.org.

3. How do I order stickers, buttons, t-shirts, etc.?

The Church of Euthanasia merchandise is no longer available. It was a very successful form of outreach for almost 10 years, but eventually the product line aged, national distributors lost interest, and the merchandise was no longer self-sustaining. Plus we got sick of packing boxes. We apologize for any inconvenience.

4. How do I become a member?

If you choose to not procreate, you're a member already. Membership implies a lifetime vow to not procreate. Procreation means guaranteed excommunication. There are no exceptions; abortion will be required, period. Of course, such difficulties can be avoided by faithful adherence to the fourth pillar (sodomy).

5. Do I have to kill myself?

Of course you don't have to kill yourself! If you really want to, though, wait until after you've joined the Church. That way, you automatically become a saint, without any additional paperwork. Don't forget to leave a note thanking and/or blaming the Church, and feel free to will us your estate, if you have one.

6. I've already procreated. Can I still join?

Absolutely! So long as you don't have any more. We have a number of members with children, and we even have a member whose son joined too. What's done is done. What matters is your commitment now.

7. How can I help?

The most important way you can help is by not procreating. If you feel comfortable taking the lifetime vow, then you should consider officially joining the Church. It would also very helpful if you could manage to abstain from eating non-human flesh.

You could also make a tax-deductible donation. The Church is exempt from federal income tax under 501(a) and 501(c)(3), EIN 04-324-9910.

Finally, you can help by spreading the word. Talk to people. Proselytize shamelessly. Write a letter to the editor of your local paper. Get on the radio or TV. Be a nuisance. Cause trouble. Piss people off, especially your breeding friends. Carpe diem.

8. What's the best way for me to kill myself?

Please consult the alt.suicide.holiday website.

9. Why haven't you killed yourself yet?

I'll kill myself when I feel like it. Suicide is OPTIONAL. Maybe if people stopped having so many babies, we could build a compassionate, sustainable future, and I wouldn't want to kill myself anymore. Just kidding!

10. How many members are there?

The Church has thousands of official members who've formally taken the vow on non-procreation, plus clergy, directors, and thousands more "e-members" and supporters around the world.

11. Can I use material from the Church website?

All text and images on the Church of Euthanasia website are licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0. Rev. Chris Korda's music is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 3.0.

12. Where can I get EMERGENCY CONTRACEPTION?

The Office of Population Research at Princeton University maintains an emergency contraception world-wide web site and toll-free number. Both allow you to get information on the "morning after" pill and other forms of emergency contraception, and then find the clinics, hospitals or doctors nearest you that will prescribe them. Call 1-800-584-9911 or access http://ec.princeton.edu right away. Don't "wait and see what happens." You have 72 hours!

