Modern Medicine is a wondrous thing. Despite the heated national debate on how to fix the healthcare system, it’s painfully apparent that America is one of the most medically advanced nations on earth. Our Doctors and surgeons can swap organs like alternators in a 1976 Pinto. Less than 40 years ago a torn MCL or ACL was a career ending injury for an athlete, now the guy can be back in uniform and on the field before the end of the season. A hundred years ago, if you broke your leg, you were pretty much crippled for life, now it’s no big thing.

But is that enough for the Brilliant Doctors and researchers of The good ole US of A? Nope. So what was next on their list? Cancer? Too Easy. AIDS, naaah, we’ll save that one for the 2020s. So what did the Medical Establishment set their sites on next?

Broke-pecker-itis. This horrible affliction effects millions of old guys and otherwise healthy men married to soul crushing harpies. And they did! THEY CURED Broke-pecker-itis! Your wife a detestable shrew? Take this pill and you can convince her you’re still attracted to her! Ain’t had had a stiffy since the seventies? Here, take this, and have a crash cart handy for the missus!

Just one problem. How can we tell the the masses? We’re Doctors, not Ad-men. Hey wait a second…..why don’t we hire advertising agencies!

Then things went horribly wrong.

5 Viva Viagra

A bunch of guys past their prime start a garage band to recapture their misspent youth….and sing about their chemically enhanced wangs. Just plain wrong.

4 Side Effects may include homosexuality

Seriously, WTF was that? Did he take too much and had to dance to work to hide the raging hard-on he was still packing? But it only get’s worse.

3 Barry White and The Robot?

Barry White must be spinning in his grave. Older shlubby guy, and a much younger, much hotter ‘wife’ figure. Then these two decide to start on the foreplay while doing the dishes…with their daughter (God, I hope she was the daughter, and they weren’t Mormons. ) in the next room. Then the Shlubby guy breaks out the robot. Has that ever gotten ANYONE laid?

2 Appropriate workplace conversation?

Yeah, you got laid. And you’re also getting fired. And sued for sexual harassment. Then probably divorced. Dumbass.

1 Malfunctioning Johnson: maybe not his biggest problem

Sure, Everyone has talked to their reflection at one point in time. But when your reflection starts talking back, your dong not working is the least of your worries, and you should be seeing a different kind of doctor. Mentally unstable middle-aged guy running around with an pharmaceutically improved erection? They write horror movies about that kinda stuff. Matter of fact…I think I’m going to start on a screenplay right now…

Article by Mike Jordan