A mother whose teenage son vanished 23 years ago admits finding his remains would be 'infinitely better' than the purgatory of never knowing what happened to him.

Valerie Nettles, 67, last saw Damien Nettles, then 16, when he left their home on the Isle of Wight for a night out with friends on November 2, 1996.

After discovering he was missing the next morning, she and husband Ed, 69, went to the police - and what followed was a police investigation Valerie describes as 'lackadaisical'.

She claims her family felt unsupported, and blunders such as officers initially recording Damien's age as 19 instead of 16 led to a slow start - despite the first few hours of a missing person case being vital.

Valerie Nettles, 67, last saw her son Damien Nettles, then 16, when he left their home on the Isle of Wight for a night out with friends on November 2, 1996

Valerie claims her family felt unsupported by the investigation into Damien's (pictured) disappearance, and blunders such as officers initially recording his age as 19 instead of 16 led to frustrating delays

Now, more than two decades later, Valerie lives in a constant state of agonising limbo, with no idea if her 'larger than life' son suffered a tragic accident or was murdered. His disappearance is currently viewed by police as a cold missing person case.

The mother-of-four has dedicated her life to finding out what happened to Damien, and was recently offered a glimmer of hope by a newly established community-led advocacy group - Locate Centre for Missing People Investigation - which has agreed to review his case.

Speaking about Damien, Valerie - a retired admin assistant - described her grief as 'unending' and 'unresolved'.

'I've never stopped looking for him,' she told FEMAIL. 'It's just awful, it never goes away; it's the first and last thing I think of, and in between all the time - even now, and it's just over 23 years this past November that he went missing.

Valerie lives in a constant state of agonising limbo, with no idea if her 'larger than life' son (pictured) suffered a tragic accident or was murdered

Damien, pictured with his brother and sisters - Sarah, now 43, James, now 35, and Melissa, now 32 - who have six children between them

'The hardest thing about it is not being able to quantify in your mind, or any way at all, that your son is actually dead, or that something brutal happened to him, or that he had an accident, or if he wandered off - which we never really thought that he did, but stranger things have happened.'

Valerie said Damien was always laughing and playing the clown, but was also a sensitive, caring lad who loved music and wanted to become a marine biologist.

'He was a big tall friendly giant,' she recalled. 'We were seeing nothing in him that would be alarming or worrying, or alert us to the fact that there was something wrong. There was nothing out of the ordinary.'

Pictured with her daughters Sarah and Melissa in 2004, Valerie says Damien was always laughing and playing the clown, but was also a sensitive, caring lad who loved music and wanted to become a marine biologist

On the Saturday night Damien went missing he'd been out with his school friend Christopher, and was last seen on CCTV in a chip shop in Cowes before walking to a bus stop.

Valerie said he didn't seem to be in any rush or running away from anything - he was 'just eating his chips'. After that nobody saw him, and there were no further sighting on street cameras.

'We feel, and have done since day one, that Damien's disappearance was suspect; it was out of character, it's not the sort of thing he would have done,' Valerie explained.

She added that she felt let down by the police response when she reported him missing. The family were denied a reconstruction of Damien's movements and a TV appeal for witnesses.

Valerie, pictured with Damien as a baby, say her son is the first and last thing she thinks of every day

Describing not knowing what happened to Damien as 'very cruel' , Valerie, pictured with her son as a baby, said: 'It's painful to have this unresolved loss, but I do what I can to keep going'

On the Saturday night Damien (pictured as a younger teen) went missing, he'd been out with his school friend Christopher

The couple and their friends took it upon themselves to gather evidence, speaking to local people and asking to see CCTV footage to build a picture of where he'd been and who with - all of which they passed onto police.

They weren't allocated a police liaison officer until 2007, after they submitted a complaint - by which point rumours were circulating the town, which became more embellished as time went on.

Eventually the police investigated what Valerie was hearing - that Damien fell foul of a known drug dealer, whose friends 'created havoc in the town'.

'The jury's still out with me on whether or not there's any truth to any of those facts,' Valerie said.

The couple and their friends took it upon themselves to gather evidence, speaking to local people and asking to see CCTV footage to build a picture of where he'd been and who with - all of which they passed onto police. Pictured: Damien with his father Ed

'I didn't know of Damien being involved in drugs at all. I did know that he'd smoked pot - as far as anything else, I didn't know of anything else that he would have dealings with these people over.'

One theory that cropped up was that Damien had attracted attention to dealer Nicky McNamara, who was angry and had beat him up - but he passed away in 2003 from an overdose.

Hampshire constabulary insist their search for Damien has been exhaustive, with more than 1,000 people involved in the investigation and hundreds of witness statements taken.

Fourteen years after his disappearance, eight suspects were detained but later released without charge.

'Eventually the police took what they were hearing, local chatter, and decided to arrest a bunch of people in 2011, but they couldn't make anything stick,' Valerie said.

Hampshire constabulary insist their search for Damien - pictured as a child with his brother James and sister Sarah - has been exhaustive, with more than 1,000 people involved in the investigation and hundreds of witness statements taken

'We've got all these possibilities that we can ruminate on and wonder about, and I do have to wonder if maybe Damien did get beaten up and killed for whatever reason, but it's difficult, in the heat of the moment like that, if you weren't planning it, to go and dispose of a body, and have it not be found at some point.'

Valerie has never stopped looking for Damien, and over time her campaigning has branched out to help other families of missing people.

She credits the charity Missing People for their support, and has recently published a book - The Boy Who Disappeared - about her son.

'I felt like I needed to say from the inside about Damien and our family and what it's been like for us from a personal standpoint,' she said.

Eleven years after Damien's disappearance, eight suspects were detained but later released without charge. Pictured: police search marshland for Damien's body in 2011

In 2011, police sifted through a silted river bed in a dramatic search for the body of 16-year-old Damien - five years after he went missing

'It's done better than I'd hoped it would do. It's difficult when you put yourself out there like that, but it's our side of what happened and the effect it's had on us.

'I would hope that anyone who's had any loss similar to us, that they can look at that and see as time went on, we didn't just wallow in our pity; we're stronger and braver for it.

'Having a child missing puts you to the test in so many ways. It can destroy you or make you stronger.'

Valerie said she has no interest in locking anybody up, but just wants to know what happened to her son.

'I want him back, in whatever way that is,' she said. 'It's probably going to be in the worst case scenario, the remains of Damien, but to me that's infinitely better than not having anything at all.

Valerie said she has no interest in locking anybody up, but just wants to know what happened to her son

Valerie (pictured in 2004) has never stopped looking for Damien, and over time her campaigning has branched out to help other families of missing people

'Even if I got the bones back, I would be always wondering, "How did this happen and who was responsible?" but just to know that I have him back in one way or the other is all I can ask for at this point.'

Valerie and her husband-of-43-years Ed now live in Dallas, Texas, after Ed - a sales manager born in the US - lost his job in the UK.

The family were on the verge of losing their home while he struggled to find work and eventually upped sticks to America in 2001, despite Valerie not wanting to leave her hometown, where she feels closest to Damien.

Their three other children — Sarah, 43, James, 35, and Melissa, 32 — have six children between them, and Valerie often wonders what Damien's children would be like.

Valerie has numerous social media accounts dedicated to finding Damien, and an active petition on Change.org for 'Damien's Law' - now known as the Missing Persons Support Bill

'There's always that sadness that he's not going to be with us at every event - birthdays, deaths even - my parents both passed away not knowing what happened to Damien,' she said.

'It's a very cruel thing not to know, it's painful to have this unresolved loss, but I do what I can to keep going.'

Valerie has numerous social media accounts dedicated to finding Damien, and an active petition on Change.org for 'Damien's Law' - now known as the Missing Persons Support Bill - which calls for improved communication between parties involved in a missing person's case.

One of her recommendations is for funding to be allocation for an independent Centre of Excellence for Missing Persons (COEMP) to unite professionals in assessment, specialist training, searches, investigation, forensics, and horizon scanning for new developments, with a dedicated unit for long-term missing cases to ensure that all missing cases get equal attention and adequate and fair funding, with ongoing support for families.

Valerie and her husband-of-43-years Ed, pictured with one of their grandchildren, now live in Dallas, Texas

Damien's case is one of the first to be reviewed by the newly established Locate Centre for Missing People Investigation.

The organisation works in collaboration with the Universities of South Wales and Central Lancashire, and brings former detectives together with the public to help investigate unsolved cases at no cost to families.

Valerie recently published a book - The Boy Who Disappeared - about her son

Their review began on November 20, and Valerie hopes it will contribute to improving how long term missing people investigations are managed and make a difference to families in the future.

'I have always requested an independent review and this is pretty close to that, by qualified and objective experienced ex-police officers,' she said.

'They have been clear that I need to manage my expectations and not to expect any great revelations. My hope is that by looking into Damien's case - and two other cases - they will be able to learn and gain understanding.

'I hope it will help with future cases so families who enter this awful type of loss will be better supported and have better communication with an investigating team. Not everyone may have had issues, but enough families I know have, so this is not an isolated issue to one police force.'

For more information about Locate, visit the website: https://locate.international/ or follow them on Twitter.