“After seeing midfield maestro Jamie O’Hara show his silky skills on Celebrity Big Brother, my memory went back to Fulham’s home game v Ipswich Town last season,” begins Will O’Leary. “O’Hara was in the Fulham side that was 1-0 down after 16 seconds. Has there been any game where a quicker goal has been conceded with the opposing team kicking off?”

The long answer is yes – quite a few in fact. Let’s start in London. “I can still see Joe Cole’s ropey backpass setting up James Beattie to score for Southampton at the Bridge (28 August 2004) after just 12 seconds,” recalls Chris Taylor. “Luckily Beattie was in fine goalscoring form that day and put through his own net as José Mourinho’s Chelsea won 2-1.” Darren White also has memories of an early goal against the run of kick-off, scored by Peter Withe for Sheffield United against Barnsley in 1985. “I believe this was timed at nine seconds,” says Darren. “Unfortunately, this was the days before blanket TV coverage for all games, so I can’t show you proof, but I was there and the event is implanted on my mind!”

Michael Winther gets straight to the point: “Roy Makaay against Real Madrid in the Champions League. Ten seconds. Goal here.” Stephan Wijnen can top that, though. “Tjaronn Chery (now of QPR) scored after just nine seconds in the match between Roda JC and ADO Den Haag in the Dutch Eredivisie on 16 October 2011,” he notes. “Roda JC kicked off, but Chery scored quickly for ADO.” Julian Unkel adds: “The fastest Bundesliga goal ever was scored after the opponent kicked off. In 2015, Kevin Volland from Hoffenheim scored against Bayern Munich after 9 seconds, capitalising on a bad pass by David Alaba.”

To social media, where Andrew Toothill recalled this from Alan Shearer …

@TheKnowledge_GU https://t.co/B4LrQWMZYH shearer scoring for newcastle after 10.4 seconds against Man City in 2003. Man city kicked off! — Andrew Toothill (@ARToothill) January 16, 2017

… while Yaad Ilani chose Hakan Sukur from the 2002 World Cup.

@TheKnowledge_GU The fastest goal scored after an oppostion's kickoff was at the 2002 WC 3rd place playoff by Hakan Sukur (10.8 sec). — Yaad Ilani (@yaad_ilani) January 15, 2017

Sam Holden remembers a classic of the genre, Davide Gualtieri’s legendary goal for San Marino against England in 1993, which came after 8.3 seconds, while Sam O’Leary cites Christian Benteke’s 8.1-second effort for Belgium against Gibraltar. “I had the misfortune of seeing St Albans City concede from their own kick-off after just 8 seconds to Ebbsfleet United back in September,” chimes in Andrew Levey. “Ebbsfleet’s Sam Deering scored a screamer from 55 yards. He proceeded to slide in front of the St Albans fans in celebration and got a pint of beer lobbed on him for his troubles.”



The best nomination so far comes from Ben Cordes. “The fastest goal ever scored in MLS play was by Mike Grella for New York Red Bulls on 18 October 2015, officially clocked at 7 seconds. It also happens to fit Will O’Leary’s criteria: Grella intercepted a wayward opening kick-off backpass, took three touches, and slotted past the ‘keeper (with assistance from a wicked deflection, cheers to readers of The Fiver).”

Most relegations for a city in one season

“All three of Stuttgart’s professional football teams were relegated on one day in March – VfB Stuttgart from the Bundesliga, Stuttgarter Kickers and VfB Stuttgart II from 3 Liga,” emailed Julian Unkel last year. “Has any city seen worse days with more teams relegated?”

“Cities like London and Reykjavík have a lot of football clubs, so it’s no surprise it’s happened in both cities,” emailed Ásgeir H Ingólfsson. “Yet despite having a lot more clubs then Stuttgart, they’ve only equalled them – with three clubs relegated in the same season. In London it happened in 1979 (QPR and Chelsea relegated from the First Division and Millwall from the Second), 1980 (Fulham and Charlton relegated from the second, Wimbledon from the third) and 2015 (QPR from the Premier League, Millwall from the Championship and Leyton Orient from League One). It’s also happened three times in Reykjavík – in 1985 (Þróttur and Víkingur relegated from the first division, Fylkir from the second), 1998 (Þróttur and ÍR got relegated from the top division, Fjölnir from the rebranded League Two) and 2003 (Þróttur and Valur from the top division and Léttir from League Two). As you can see Þróttur gets relegated a lot.”

Reykjavík in happier times. Photograph: Stoyan Nenov/Reuters

Knowledge archive

“Having seen West Ham goalkeeper Jimmy Walker receive a yellow card as he was stretchered off in the recent Championship play-off final, I wondered if any players have received red cards while being carried off?” asked Hywel Benbow back in the day.

The answer was plenty, Hywel. Not even the sight of stretcher-bearers has dissuaded referees from rubbing salt into the wounds down the years. One of the more recent of these cases occurred on September 2001, when Charlton’s Steve Brown received his marching orders against Leicester for deliberate handball – while being carried off with a sprained ankle. The lack of sympathy shown by referee Mike Dean [yep, that one – 2017 ed] sparked outrage among home fans, who bombarded the field with club catalogues that had been left on seats before the game. Their ire delayed the game by five minutes, but Dean placated them somewhat by reducing Leicester to nine men as the Addicks won 2-0, condemning Peter Taylor to the sack two days later.

Another double fracture of the leg unsurprisingly sparked Scunthorpe’s Nigel Pepper into a red mist on August 2000. Pepper, real name Colin, was playing just his second game for the club, when Kidderminster’s Paul Webb slid in to perform the aforementioned damage. Pepper’s revenge was meted out in a swift blow to Webb’s chin, earning him a straight red, but it didn’t prevent the Irons still running out 2-0 victors.

Far more impressive fisticuffs occurred back in 1963, pre-dating the advent of the red card, when St Andrew’s played host to a fiery encounter between Birmingham winger Bertie Auld and Fulham’s Johnny Haynes. Chris Ferns took up the story: “If memory serves, Haynes fouled Auld, who was legendary for his temper, and was promptly knocked out in retaliation. Auld then flattened another Fulham player who tried to intervene, rendering him unconscious as well. The upshot was that both Auld and Haynes were sent off, the latter via a stretcher.”

More fighting, but of the Bowyer-Dyer team-mate variety, ensured a famous red-card injury special in Scotland back in 1994. Hearts defender Graeme Hogg’s criticism of Craig Levein during a pre-season friendly at Raith didn’t go down too well; Levein responded by breaking Hogg’s nose as a brawl broke out. The pair were dismissed – Hogg via a stretcher – earning each hefty bans from the SFA; 10 games for Hogg and 14 for Levein.

However, Billy Stewart reckoned he could top the lot: “George McCluskey was playing for Kilmarnock at Cowdenbeath during the 90s when he committed a tackle worthy of a sending off, injuring himself in the process. A stretcher could not be found, so a wheelchair was brought on instead. George then had the embarrassment of being wheeled off the pitch with the referee running alongside him, brandishing the red card.”

Can you help?

“In north London there is a 200m stretch of road named Bobby Moore Way,” emails Andy Kelly. “There are no houses on the road as its only purpose appears to be a slip road on to the North Circular (A406). It seems strange that such a nondescript road with no apparent geographical link is named after the England World Cup-winning captain. Does anyone know why it was named after him?” Next to a Powerleague, perhaps? How about unusually placed road names after footballers?

“I have just finished reading Richard Foster’s article ‘What do footballers do while recovering from long-term injuries?’ and it got me wondering whether a player’s contract has ever expired while they were recovering from a long-term injury?” wonders Christopher Day-Kerry. “Have the clubs then dropped them to recover alone or extended the contract? Obviously I realise that some players simply retire once substantially injured and I’m sure others have had their contracts terminated early. Any info?” Or perhaps some positive stories of clubs and injured players?

“I was reading that when Milan get eventually sold to a Chinese group, it will mark the end of Silvio Berlusconi’s reign as club president,” writes Ursolin Waxoh. “The article didn’t state so, but I was wondering whether Mr Berlusconi is Europe’s longest-serving club president. Surely not? No other examples come to mind though. Can you help?”



“While in the process of taking Fulham to mid-table mediocrity in Football Manager recently I managed to field a very presidential front two of (Cauley) Woodrow and (Callum) Wilson: the 28th US president,” declares Nick Cousins. “Are there any real-life examples of the surnames of a football partnership at the same club forming the name of a world leader?”

“Has any player or club has played against all 92 current FA and Football League clubs?” asks Danny Ryan. “I thought perhaps Vardy or Lambert or Claridge might have come close but been caught out by an untimely promotion or the formation of MK Dons.”