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Then they throw around facts about density and minerals, and if you think they explained what any of those words are first, well done on being much better at science textbooks than Bob Jones University. They think science is just a bunch of complicated words used to confuse people and they're trying to copy the strategy.

They mock the capture theory of a passing planetoid getting caught in Earth's gravitational field, neatly ignoring the impact theory where another planetoid slammed into Earth to create the moon in the most awesome origin story ever. No wonder they didn't want to include that: It kicks the shit out of someone reading from a checklist for six days.

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But the most literally lunatic lesson comes at the end of the chapter, where they reveal the moon's true purpose: to warn us when God decides to murder everyone on Earth. "These verses tell us that God will use special signs, such as the darkening of the sun and moon, to signal the end of this age." This is in chapter one! They teach the kid that the moon and night shall go dark before Judgment Day. They do this without teaching the kid about the phases of the moon or eclipses. This book is responsible for more spiritually urinated bed sheets than tantric sex.