It’s been a little bit since I’ve done one of these. The first couple I wrote didn’t get a ton of views, but I enjoy doing it so Imma do it again anyway. Tip of the hat again to old school Bill Simmons. Used to love reading his running dairies when I was in college and he was still writing for ESPN.

Pre-game

Sitting around waiting for the lineup to drop. I’m also on solo daddy duty. Mommy is out teaching math tonight. Let’s hope bedtime can be accomplished during halftime as planned.

Line-up is out. Best guess at formation is:

Thoughts:

-This lineup looks more conservative to me. I don’t think Berhalter is going to have Yedlin try the inverted RB thing, so it looks like a more “standard” type 4-3-3 to me. Could Ream slide into midfield occasionally?

-Bradley haters gonna hate

-If this is a farewell appearance for Omar so the Couva thing isn’t his last USMNT memory…I can deal with it. If he’s a legit option…

-There’s a fair chance this lineup gets killed. One (?) real starter (Pulisic) there, right?

Twitter Reaction:

-Complaining. Lots of complaining. Main targets are predictably Gonzalez, Bradley, and Zardes.

-Zardes isn’t very good, but he knows Berhalter’s system and is a placeholder for Altidore and Sargent. I hope.

*Side note* When can kids wipe their own you-know-what? I just had to go take care of a horrifying mess stuck to my 4-year old’s hindparts. Disgusting.

-Shutting down Twitter until halftime. I hope the withdrawal shakes don’t hamper my typing.

Kickoff

1st minute: Zardes loses the ball after a heavy touch. Shocking.

To: Michael

3rd minute: Bradley takes the ball from Vidal, further proving how terrible he is.

4th minute: GOAL. Pulisic. Zardes with a nice touch over the Chilean D to put CP through. Sorry for picking on you a second ago Gyasi. Sweet goal.

8th minute: Vidal’s hair is still terrible. He knows he’s not a Mad Max character, right?

Vidal is 31. It’s time to pick a more sensible hair style my man.

9th minute: GOAL. Chile. Opazo. US with a couple bad clearances and is eventually punished after a minute or two of sustained pressure.

12th minute: CP with a really nice run down the left, but a heavy touch as he went in on goal loses the ball. Zardes has been really good so far. *ducks*

13th minute: Bradley hesitates and doesn’t hit a long diagonal that Trapp definitely would have hit.

17th minute: Great pass from Bradley down the right side. Pulisic can’t quite control the cross that results. If you had money on Zardes having better touch than CP this game…you’re a wizard.

19th minute: Super uncomfortable ad read with Ian Darke uttering the phrase, “We have the meats.” lol

25th minute: US getting uncomfortable being pressed. Can’t hang on to the ball. Horvath with a pass to no one leads to an almost chance in the box.

29th minute: This is feeling morbidly familiar. US can’t get the ball and can’t keep it when they do get it. *sigh*

30th minute: US has a two on one break that Arriola screws up with a bad touch. Need to get the kids in bed at halftime so I can start swearing.

32nd minute: Nice pass from Ream breaks the press. Leads to a pretty good cross and chance for the US.

34th minute: *Ream boner alert* He doesn’t see a Chilean player and almost plays him in on goal. Just barely gets away with it though. And now Pulisic is down injured. Kill me.

Please be ok, Christian.

36th minute: Pulisic off Lletget on. Please don’t be HURT hurt.

38th minute: Gonzalez switches off on a throw in and almost gives up a scoring chance. Where have I seen that before? Starting to feel a little anger rise.

USMNT right now

41st minute: Zardes…wut? Was that a horrendous touch or a bad pass? Chile don’t even generate a good scoring chance somehow. They may not be very good.

43rd minute: USMNT be shook.

44th minute: Awesome Ream pass to Bradley who hits a great diagonal to Baird who then biffs the shot. 😑

46th minute: Baird isn’t good enough.

Halftime:

So the lineup went from uninspiring to 💩 with the Pulisic injury. There’s not a single player out there that would definitely be in a first choice 11.

That being said, it’s been a pretty fun game. Both teams look weak at the back which hopefully will lead to more goals. If I have to watch a bunch of backups play the least they can do is lose 4-3 for me.

This’ll probably tick some people off, but Zardes and Bradley were probably the two standouts from the first half for me. CP played pretty well too, but his time was sadly cut short.

2nd Half:

47th minute: Zardes blows a counter attack, then the ref wipes out Roldan, and Baird plays a crap ball to no one to end a semi-dangerous moment. Busy minute.

48th minute: Vidal undresses Bradley.

51st minute: Bradley gets pants-ed again. These are the moments where I think Adams is already the best choice at d-mid.

54th minute: US is being thoroughly dominated. I’ve seen this movie before. This has the potential to get ugly.

55th minute: Zardes with a chance that he puts over the bar. Also, Baird off and Lovitz on. 5 at the back? Guess Gregg was seeing what the rest of us were seeing. Bunker mode: Activated.

60th minute: Horvath has a reputation for bad distribution. It is well earned. Brutal.

63rd minute: US has calmed down and is keeping the ball better. There are chances to be had, the US just keeps screwing them up though. Also, did Twellman just try to take credit for the “Adversity doesn’t build character, it reveals it” proverb?!

Twellman: I’ve always said…

66th minute: Trapp in for Arriola. Double pivot now? I think I’m impressed with Berhalter’s adjustments. Things have calmed down since the subs.

68th minute: Shut up, Ian! I’m trying to listen to Miazga and Berhalter. Unbelievable. Ruined it.

72nd minute: US is in sort of a 3-4-2-1 formation now. Maybe a 5-2-2-1 describes it better?

75th minute: Did Lovitz just wink after a yellow card? I hope so. More bad guys please.

78th minute: Omar with Couva flashbacks. Gives a corner for no reason on a sliced clearance.

79th minute: I am HERE for all the Miazga-Vidal disagreements you can put on camera. Grab his junk, Matt.

I will never NOT use this gif if given the opportunity

82nd minute: Yedlin with a little extra kick on that fall?

83rd minute: Vidal knocks down Trapp. I would definitely watch an Odd Couple style show featuring Trapp and Vidal. Wil: Did you really need another neck tattoo, Arturo? Arturo: I ate a live snake.

87th minute: Chile forces Trapp into a bad turnover. Leads to a half-chance and a corner. Nothing comes of it. Lletget has been invisible btw.

89th minute: I know MLS stans hate this, but these are the games where the guys with Euro experience show out. They can deal with the pressure/intensity because they are used to it.

92nd minute: Vidal is crazy. lol

Game Over

Decent game to watch. Thought the US was going to get killed there for a minute, but Berhalter’s changes brought things back under control. Let’s hope CP’s injury is minor. Next games will be Gold Cup prep.

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