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IRELAND is home to some of the most stunning, untouched scenery in the world… at least until you lot read this article and ruin everything with your sheer ignorance and inability to leave a natural beauty spot the fuck alone.

Here’s 5 places that are nice at the minute, but we’re expecting that to change very shortly:

1) The Burren

The Burren is one of the most stunning landscapes not just in Ireland, but on the entire planet. As such, we expect it to shortly be decorated with all your picnic rubbish because you read a ‘Top 5 places to visit in Ireland’ list like this one and decided that the one thing it was missing was your untidy arse.

2) Glendalough

You don’t have to go west to see some of the country’s most stunning sights… you can head about 50 miles south of Dublin to get to Glendalough. We’re assuming you’re in Dublin, sorry, that’s the newspaper in us coming out there. Anyway yeah, Glendalough. The only thing it doesn’t have is too much traffic, but we’re sure you can sort that out.

3) Skellig Islands

The Skellig Islands are one of the last places in Ireland where one feels truly returned to nature, basked in nothing but pure silence and… nope, can’t even finish that, seeing as how the more we talk about how nice it is, the more you’re going to want to go to it, spoiling it by making lightsabre noises while your shithead kids leave crisp bags everywhere.

4) Giant’s Causeway

Head up north to see the Giant’s Causeway, and spread your rubbish around a little bit. Don’t leave it all in the west of Ireland. The north should get its fair share too.

5) The Shannon

The mighty Shannon, coursing through some of the most majestic countryside Ireland has to offer. you know what it doesn’t have, and doesn’t need? You and your fucking stag party drinking cans on a barge, dropping Pringles tubes overboard while taking pictures of yourselves with your arse out. Just forget you read this article and stay the fuck at home okay?