Earlier today Alabama Governor Bentley ordered all Confederate flags around the Alabama Capitol to be taken down, now it appears he’s taken aim at Auburn flags as well.



Governor Bentley says he has very different reasons for banning the Auburn flag stating “Well for one thing it’s ugly, I mean look at that thing, it’s a mess”.



“Alabama is proud state with a proud tradition of success, we can’t be seen to support losers” continued Governor Bentley. Bentley may have been referring to the fact that Auburn lost to Alabama this year in every single revenue sport; he could of course also just think Auburn fans are losers.



The Governor’s office has assured us that he didn’t take this decision lightly, he thought about it for several minutes, but in the end he felt that he had no other choice.



Governor Bentley’s office then issued the following statement:



Today I have taken the extraordinary step of banning the flag of the University of Auburn from flying at state offices or on state grounds. I have done this not because of a personal vendetta against the War Tigers, or any other city college in the great state of Alabama, but because I felt it was what was right.



Auburn represents an unsuccessful rebellion against their betters at our state university. We can’t be seen to live in the past and support a city college over the capstone of our state.



This decree does not prevent private citizens from flying the Auburn flag on their property, if you want to look like a jackass, that’s your decision.



Sincerely,



Robert J. Bentley

Governor of the great State of Alabama



Though Bentley won’t say it surely the final straw was Auburn declaring a “state of Auburn” shortly before losing the Iron Bowl to Alabama 55-44 this past November.







This on top of their desecration of the official state flag of Alabama with their evil orange and blue impurities.







Most social scholars say this is a strong sign that Alabama is moving in the right direction and away from a dark and sordid orange and blue past.



There’s also the underlying suspicion of tree worshiping at Auburn to contend with. The State of Alabama doesn’t want to be seen as endorsing the Wiccan religion. (Wiccans are Auburn fans that pray to trees and talk about being witches on Tumblr.)



When we pressed the Governor’s office on whether the rumors of ceding Auburn to West Georgia (where they naturally belong) are true we got a very ominous “no comment.”



This article is of course satire, you should feel free to fly your Auburn flag proudly so that I can laugh at you and your team.



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