Mascots. Mascots are creepy. They have big heads, dead, soulless eyes, and do not make noise. They prance around during games doing elaborate actions which can be amusing, but when you take a moment to actually look at them, they are terrifying. Some, however, are more terrifying than others. While there are those that merely make us a bit uncomfortable, some are otherworldly horrors that haunt you for years. We’ve ranked the NFL mascots in this manner already, so now it’s time to judge the NBA.

First off, a note. A few teams have multiple mascots, and both will be included in this list. However, several teams have no mascots — the Brooklyn Nets, Golden State Warriors, New York Knicks, and Los Angeles Lakers. The Nets and Warriors both once had mascots, but they were bad and no longer exist. The Lakers and Knicks have never had mascots, although I officially nominate Lakers Guy as the unofficial mascot.

To the rankings!

28. Benny The Bull



Benny isn’t that creepy. If you saw him in a dark alley, he’d probably escort you out and back home safely. He seems like a really jovial dude. He has a fun surprised expression on his face at all times, wears his uniform well, and has really delightful hair that shows he can have a little fun. Maybe his incredibly approachable facade makes it easier for him to be a serial killer, but if I had to be murdered, at least I’d get to fluff his amazingly soft face while I die.

27. Bango the Buck



Bango doesn’t so much look like a creepy monster as he looks like your annoying Boy Scout of an older brother. A little too pompous and self-righteous, he’s too busy trying to do the right thing to an insufferable extent. He won’t let you have any fun that isn’t pre-authorized. Bango won’t be scary until later in life, when all his accomplishments are slowly torn apart by his first marriage. Then he becomes a drunk shade of his former self and you don’t want to take your kids to Uncle Bango’s house.

26. Rumble the Bison



Rumble is supposed to be a bison, but he honestly looks more like a hippie than anything else. Look at those bangs. That beard. Those soft, violence-hating eyes. He’s like The Dude, in mascot form. He won’t murder you, at least not on purpose. He will take you to his commune in the woods and offer you drugs you didn’t know existed and sit there in a daze as you struggle to survive whatever the hell you just ingested. As you slowly fade into nothing, you’ll see him look at you, more confused than anything.

25. Grizz the Grizzly Bear



Talk about an unimaginative mascot. Grizz is incredibly uninspired and maybe that’s why he makes you mildly uncomfortable to be around. Look at him. Is that really supposed to be a bear? It looks closer to teen wolf. It looks like someone’s poorly taxidermied bear rug re-gained sentience, put on a Grizzlies uniform, and tries to make killer slam dunks. He might make you a rug, so stay out of his way.

24. Crunch the Wolf



If Grizz is too uninspired for a grizzly bear mascot name, then Crunch is the opposite end of the spectrum. Why is he named Crunch? Crunchtime? Who knows. Crunch has a weird name, but that’s not what makes him creepy. Crunch looks like he’d go to cosplay and furry conventions, not because he’s into that, but because it helps him blend in with his prey. When you try to find the bathroom at the convention, you see him standing alone down a side hallway. You ask him “Hey man, are you lost?” He turns around. No sound comes out. He moves slowly toward you. Just when you think he’s going to take you, a couple friends come around the corner. He backs off. You forget about it till the next morning when you see the news: “Five people go missing at local convention.”

23. Jazz Bear



The Jazz are hilarious. They are stuck in a state and city not known for Jazz, and for a mascot, for a team named after a genre of music, they just have a bear with the music genre for a name. Terrible branding aside, whoever designs bear mascots for the NBA must not actually know what a bear looks like, because both Grizz and Jazz look only vaguely like actual bears. Jazz himself looks like an Ewok from Return of the Jedi. Only he’s one of the “outcast” ewoks. The ones banished from the tribe. Maybe you are a stormtrooper who escaped the battle on Endor, taking the lives of many of the stupid kiddie-pandering teddy bears with you. Then when the forest goes dark, you stumble on a different type of treehouse. There are no lights. Animal bones litter the ground. You try to run, and a trap ensnares you. You probably wish you didn’t escape the good ewoks now, don’t you?

22. Boomer



Boomer seems like a fairly accomplished guy. But that’s what makes you nervous. This guy has been getting away with it for years. He has a system now. He’s patient. He may not get you tonight. Or tomorrow night. But he will get you. One night at home you’ll wake up, roll over to your loving wife, only to see him instead. I’d rather not talk about what happens after that.

21. Harry the Hawk



Harry is just so mad. Why is he so mad? What happened to this poor bird? He puts on a dazzling display of acrobatics for the crowds but he never seems to actually enjoy it. You decide to investigate. You go to the police hall of records. You find details, hints of his disturbing past. The cops took his wife. They murdered his family. They got away with it. You decide it’s up to you to help Harry. You go to his nest. You tell him what you know. He seems to understand. Then you slip up, and say you know a few good cops who can help. You don’t remember much after that, because there isn’t much to remember when you die so fast.

20. Hooper



Hooper seems like a jolly mascot. He’s a horse for horsepower, which is a car term, for Detroit, yadda yadda yadda. During the game Hooper seems to take a special interest in you. He spends a lot of time in your section. He comes up to you multiple times and messes with you for everyone to see on the jumbotron. He touches you frequently. The audience loves his antics but something feels wrong, and when you try to tell him off a bit, he just makes a show of it. The game ends, and you go to leave for your car. The tires are slashed. By the time you get a tow truck to show up, everyone else has left. Guess who is driving the tow truck?

19. Raptor the Raptor



You get to go to the exotic island of Toronto with your sister. You have a rough go of things when some of the local wildlife gets a bit uppity. You finally reach a safe spot, eating some Jell-o in an empty banquet hall. That’s when you see his shadow. You flee, but he follows you into the kitchen. You try so hard to not make noise among the pots and pans. You lock him in the freezer. You reach another room and lock the doors, but he breaks the glass. You manage to get away to the rafters but then he corners you in the foyer of the building. How do you escape? You don’t. This isn’t some movie ending.

18. Blaze the Trail Cat



You might be wondering why a team named after pioneers in a logging town has a cat mascot. Why isn’t the Blazers mascot a Pioneer man, or a lumberjack? Why a cat of all things? Well, you don’t know the full story. There was a lumberjack pioneer mascot. Blaze auditioned for the job but everyone in the Blazers front office thought the same way you do. Why hire a cat? That’s dumb. Long story short, they don’t think it’s dumb anymore, because they are too afraid to suggest otherwise.

17. Franklin the Dog

Named for Ben Franklin in the city of freedom. Franklin is a lot like Lennie from Of Mice and Men. He thinks you are the rabbits. He wants to pet you. To never stop petting you. Trust the process.

16. Go the Gorilla



The Suns seem like they wanted a mascot but couldn’t think of anything good, so they found one crazy fan in the stands wearing a gorilla costume and promoted him to official mascot. Little do they know, this isn’t a normal dude in a gorilla mask. He’s a science experiment to resurrect Harambe from before his untimely death. You might be thinking “But wasn’t Go around before any of us knew Harambe?” You’d be right. This undead Harambe killed the original Go, and nobody knows yet what he’s planning.

15. Slamson the Lion



Slamson is tired. He’s tired of you making fun of his receding hairline. He’s tired of you abandoning the Kings for the Warriors. He’s tired of paying his bills. He’s tired of people walking too slowly on the sidewalk. He’s tired of these so-called “laws.” It’s time for him to take matters into his own hands. The Purge may just be a movie franchise, but it’s how Slamson sees the world. He’s about to dunk on you and everyone you know, with no regard for human life.