Ode to a Podcast

Here’s to the ones behind the mics

I wish to Christ Santa had brought them all bikes

And they’d pedal away, to never come back

With time to reflect on the talent they lack

The four lads who drink beer, and chat about movies

The health podcast that fucking ruined my smoothies

I’ve been listening to that for the past seven miles

This episode promised a cure for my piles

But they cut to a long ad, right back at the start

And I’m grinding my teeth and it hurts when I fart

What other shows are there queued up on my phone?

I scan down the list, and I let out a groan

Cold cases and violence, murder and death

These true crime podcasts make me envy the deaf

You asked for some feedback, so let me be level

Your church podcast made me go worship the devil

It sounds like your guest’s talking into a shoe

I’d rather Ebola than listen to you

Those entrepreneur shows that seek to inspire

They make me wish my car was on fire

Is this TV show fancast supposed to be funny?

I’d hire a hitman if I had the money

Support us on Patreon, leave a review

A razor, a website, an apron that’s blue

I’ve bought your food hamper, your mattress, and socks

Your audiobooks and your fucking loot box

You’ll get no more from me, and my hard earned pay

Your podcast is shite. You’ve ruined my day

You’ve only two listeners. Me, and your mum

And you’ll struggle to talk with that mic up your bum

That’s where I might stick it, if you don’t stop

I’ll listen to music on route to the shop

By Dougie – A Scottish Podcast