For 64-year old Steve Rogers, Rogue One: A Star Wars Story was just like he remembered it. Loud, fun and just as charmingly goofy as when it debuted in 1977 under the title Star Wars.

Despite what two generations of Rogers have explained to him, the Vietnam veteran remains convinced Rogue One is a re-release of the original Star Wars with a few enhanced special effects and the addition of previously deleted scenes.

“Dad is so lost. I tried to tell him Lucas already released the film he describes as the Star Wars Special Editions, and that just confused him even more,” said Roger Rogers, the eldest of Steve’s six children.

“His head canon is insane,” added Nance, Star Wars superfan and Steve’s wife of 35 years. “He thought The Force Awakens was the first Star Wars, too. He genuinely believes Disney is offering young filmmakers the opportunity to add special effects to the original, and little else. As crazy as it sounds, I love it, because going to see Star Wars was one of our first dates, and now I’m guaranteed at least one date night every December until who knows when. I try to add a few new special effects of my own for the crazy old kook.”

As ridiculous as it sounds, Steve Rogers makes a valid case. Perhaps his confusion is a feather in Disney’s cap as they have clearly managed to replicate the formula, maybe too well.

“That’s Peter Cushing and Carrie Fisher just like I remember them. So unless Disney invented a time machine, this is the same movie. Not complaining as I love what [George] Lucas managed to create. But let’s call a spade a spade for crying out loud.”

After rounds and rounds of discussion and audio video analysis to try to clear things up, the Rogers family has finally given up.

“Technically dad is right since they are all Star Wars movies, so I’m done nitpicking the details with him,” said 16-year old Jenny Rogers, Steve’s youngest daughter.

Mr. Rogers is not alone. FSW research and infauxgraphics have demonstrated over and over again how the Star Wars timeline throws older demographics for a loop. While Disney is making a valiant effort to make things easier to follow with the help of the Lucasfilm Story Group, there remain millions of very confused baby boomer Star Wars fans out there.

As always, keep it locked to FakingStarWars.net for the very latest news worth faking.

-William “Willybobo” Bobo