White women and self-sacrifice



I want to know what natural tendencies of White women lend themselves toward tolerating abuse, and what it is about the current culture that encourages those tendencies to go in that direction.



Any comments aimed at increasing understanding would be appreciated.



The best I have so far is that I think it has to do with a culture that is geared to use-and-abuse White women for (1) tending naturally toward graciousness and helpfulness, and (2) having K rather than r reproductive strategy instincts (



I am thinking here of two cases I've known personally, both when I was in university.



In one, and average-looking woman very desperate to have children before age thirty put up with a great deal of psychological abuse from a husband who made her watch pornography 'to see what it was like', who would talk about other women frequently in front of her, even when my husband and I were guests at their house. The husband clearly had not gotten over his first wife, who was better-looking than the second wife and who had divorced him for psychological abuse.



The second wife (who had problems with her parents for the relationship, as they are Christians who believe that if the wife puts away the husband *with* cause, including cruelty, the husband commits adultery by remarrying, as does the new "wife") was always very polite while the husband was talking about how unfair it was that one woman or another at his workplace must by lying about being sexually disinterested in him (and this sort of thing), in front of her.



I think to some extent the modern culture is to blame for making it difficult to marry in time, which gives men who will marry a lot of power in their relationships. However there is also an element of a natural tendency to politeness causing some women to sit politely rather than reach for the rolling pin to bash in the head of a man who really deserves it (of less figuratively, taking the car keys and getting your own place until the psychological abuser can get into some sort of professional help).



That's one case.



In the other, a very smart, tall, beautiful White woman (high school cheerleader who could have become a professional model) with a White working-class husband (he worked at a fitness center) had planned to have children when she finished her PhD, which was focused on development and democracy in nonwhite countries.



The current academic system typically uses PhD students for cheap labor, and even a very efficient and competent PhD student may end up spending ten years on a PhD (about what that woman ended up spending) collecting data the advisor wants, often in foreign countries.



Well, while the woman was away as she usually was for many months at a time, the husband had sexual intercourse with other women, and the wife (legitimately) ended the marriage on that account.



Here the issue isn't taking abuse from a spouse, because the woman in this case did not. However there is the issue of taking abuse from the workplace, and specifically at the cost of harm to a eugenic White marriage, and for the privilege of helping foreign nonwhites.



There is generally today an issue of labor abuse of smart young people by the modern academic system (just a few generations ago a PhD took only four years, and advisors were careful to wrap up theses by then even if there were some loose ends for future research). Graduate students usually do highly skilled work with mathematics, data analysis, and statistics. However they are paid abysmally, really less than minimum wage once one works out the hours.



Enabling that toleration of abuse in that case was the issue, that I think is common for young White women, of putting "saving the world" -- which often enough comes in terms of adopting careers involving non-Whites, either in social work in Negro and Hispanic urban areas, or through careers that are barely removed from the age of "White Man's Burden". (Looking at the ratios of men and women in policy schools and development work has become mostly White Womans Burden.)



I don't think it is bad for women to have careers -- I do think it is bad for employers of all sorts to abuse employees, and extending PhDs to ten years for the free labor counts -- and I don't think there is an excuse for adultery contra having a conversation saying you can't take living apart anymore and need the spouse to return from Pakistan/Afghanistan/Algeria or else file a divorce before adultery happens.



However, ultimately in that case the primary abuser, the modern academic system, benefited and an initially-healthy White marriage failed, with both partners so far as I know ending up not having White children they had planned back early on.



That case is probably better than the first case, in which the woman ended up having children (not White ones though incidentally -- in that case, the husband was known from dental data to be heavily Amerindian admixed and not pure White, while the woman desperate to have children before age 30 was pure White; half German half Scottish).



If you agree with my analysis of why White women do these kinds of things, what do you think we can change in the culture to end it?



If you don't agree with my analysis, what do you think I got wrong? There is a problem I have noticed of White women tending to accept bad situations and poor treatment, and otherwise sacrifice aspects of their own lives, for others.I want to know what natural tendencies of White women lend themselves toward tolerating abuse, and what it is about the current culture that encourages those tendencies to go in that direction.Any comments aimed at increasing understanding would be appreciated.The best I have so far is that I think it has to do with a culture that is geared to use-and-abuse White women for (1) tending naturally toward graciousness and helpfulness, and (2) having K rather than r reproductive strategy instincts ( link ) in an era where getting married young enough to have children is difficult.I am thinking here of two cases I've known personally, both when I was in university.In one, and average-looking woman very desperate to have children before age thirty put up with a great deal of psychological abuse from a husband who made her watch pornography 'to see what it was like', who would talk about other women frequently in front of her, even when my husband and I were guests at their house. The husband clearly had not gotten over his first wife, who was better-looking than the second wife and who had divorced him for psychological abuse.The second wife (who had problems with her parents for the relationship, as they are Christians who believe that if the wife puts away the husband *with* cause, including cruelty, the husband commits adultery by remarrying, as does the new "wife") was always very polite while the husband was talking about how unfair it was that one woman or another at his workplace must by lying about being sexually disinterested in him (and this sort of thing), in front of her.I think to some extent the modern culture is to blame for making it difficult to marry in time, which gives men who will marry a lot of power in their relationships. However there is also an element of a natural tendency to politeness causing some women to sit politely rather than reach for the rolling pin to bash in the head of a man who really deserves it (of less figuratively, taking the car keys and getting your own place until the psychological abuser can get into some sort of professional help).That's one case.In the other, a very smart, tall, beautiful White woman (high school cheerleader who could have become a professional model) with a White working-class husband (he worked at a fitness center) had planned to have children when she finished her PhD, which was focused on development and democracy in nonwhite countries.The current academic system typically uses PhD students for cheap labor, and even a very efficient and competent PhD student may end up spending ten years on a PhD (about what that woman ended up spending) collecting data the advisor wants, often in foreign countries.Well, while the woman was away as she usually was for many months at a time, the husband had sexual intercourse with other women, and the wife (legitimately) ended the marriage on that account.Here the issue isn't taking abuse from a spouse, because the woman in this case did not. However there is the issue of taking abuse from the workplace, and specifically at the cost of harm to a eugenic White marriage, and for the privilege of helping foreign nonwhites.There is generally today an issue of labor abuse of smart young people by the modern academic system (just a few generations ago a PhD took only four years, and advisors were careful to wrap up theses by then even if there were some loose ends for future research). Graduate students usually do highly skilled work with mathematics, data analysis, and statistics. However they are paid abysmally, really less than minimum wage once one works out the hours.Enabling that toleration of abuse in that case was the issue, that I think is common for young White women, of putting "saving the world" -- which often enough comes in terms of adopting careers involving non-Whites, either in social work in Negro and Hispanic urban areas, or through careers that are barely removed from the age of "White Man's Burden". (Looking at the ratios of men and women in policy schools and development work has become mostly White Womans Burden.)I don't think it is bad for women to have careers -- I do think it is bad for employers of all sorts to abuse employees, and extending PhDs to ten years for the free labor counts -- and I don't think there is an excuse for adultery contra having a conversation saying you can't take living apart anymore and need the spouse to return from Pakistan/Afghanistan/Algeria or else file a divorce before adultery happens.However, ultimately in that case the primary abuser, the modern academic system, benefited and an initially-healthy White marriage failed, with both partners so far as I know ending up not having White children they had planned back early on.That case is probably better than the first case, in which the woman ended up having children (not White ones though incidentally -- in that case, the husband was known from dental data to be heavily Amerindian admixed and not pure White, while the woman desperate to have children before age 30 was pure White; half German half Scottish).If you agree with my analysis of why White women do these kinds of things, what do you think we can change in the culture to end it?If you don't agree with my analysis, what do you think I got wrong?