I have heard way too many people, male and female, say “I only date RMs.” Whenever I hear of anyone saying this I always have to wonder why. I think it may be an idea that has been ingrained in our minds since we were young. Young Women always make the list, “Traits I Want in a Future Companion.” Almost every list has “RM.”

Now after years and years of creating lists about traits I want in a future companion, I have had a realization.

I won’t exclusively settle for an RM. Here are four of my reasons why:

1: Converts. I have a friend named Kaitlyn. She’s amazing. We were in Young Women’s together for six years and she lives in the house right behind me. When I was on my mission, she started dating a boy from her hometown. He wasn’t a member. Right when they started dating, Kaitlyn told him she was not going to settle for anything less than a temple marriage. He met with the missionaries for about a year and then got baptized. This last year they were married together in the temple. He has such a strong testimony and I am so glad Kaitlyn married him. He may not be an RM but he is truly converted to the gospel of Christ. He is temple-worthy. That’s what really matters.

2: Reasons not to serve. There are many reasons why worthy members of the church do not serve missions. Some are in the military. Instead of serving the Lord by preaching the gospel, they are serving by protecting the rights to preach the gospel. Some cannot go for medical reasons. There are some people who simply cannot serve missions because it would not be healthy for them to do so. Some cannot go because they had a period of inactivity and missed the opportunity to serve. These members come back and use the Atonement to become worthy again. If God doesn’t hold their period of inactivity against them, why should we? A member may not have the title of “RM” but that doesn’t make them less worthy than anyone else.

3: Not all RMs are equal. In LDS culture, sometimes this weird thing happens. RMs are put onto this pedestal and are seen as perfect. It’s like if someone dedicates 18–24 months of their lives to God, he/she deserves more respect. Guess what? Missionaries aren’t perfect. Missionaries make mistakes. Sometimes missionaries are disobedient. Missionaries need repentance just as much as everyone else. I have seen missionaries go out, serve a full mission, and not change at all. There is a difference between the missionary who consecrates himself/herself to the work and the missionary who just goes through the motions.

4: A mission is just a part of a lifelong conversion. Going on a mission can teach someone great life skills like how to really study the scriptures and how to pray with real intent. Sometimes people go on missions and come back but they don’t keep up the mission habits. If missionaries do keep up these skills, they will continue to grow more like the Savior. In the end it doesn’t matter if a person served a mission or not. These habits can be formed by anyone who wants to get closer to the Savior.

So, I won’t settle for an RM. I will settle for someone who loves the Lord, someone who honors his priesthood, and someone who I can be sealed to in the Temple. Will this guy be an RM? Likely, but not certainly.

I want to know what you think! Shoot me an email—[email protected]