We are really doing it folks. We are doing a cheesy Christmas wish-list because ’tis the season after all. Plus, Christmas is all about the cheese. It’s all about family, ugly sweaters and pajamas, and being with loved ones. It’s also about the gifts. So here is a gift for every NFL team. We’ll do so from first to worst.

New Orleans Saints

The Saints would love a secondary option on the outside. Let’s make Tre’Quan Smith good again or shake the rust off Ted Ginn Jr.

Los Angeles Rams

This one is easy: a healthy Todd Gurley. They can’t win otherwise.

Kansas City Chiefs

An entire defense is too much to ask. We aren’t working miracles here. Instead, we would love to give the Chiefs a gift of an even serviceable pass defense. Or extra timeouts. Andy Reid always needs extra timeouts.

Chicago Bears

We would love to give the gift of a Rams loss to the Bears. That means a divisional round home game in Chicago. It also means games in Bear weather — which is actually a thing.

Los Angeles Chargers

If I am looking into the future, I am giving the Chargers special teams’ success in the playoffs. Because that’s what they need. They can’t go through kicking problems in big games. It will break them.

New England Patriots

A healthy Rob Gronkowski. Maybe we need a time machine.

Houston Texans

Pick the best option: a healthy Will Fuller IV or a healthy Demaryius Thomas. Neither one is happening, but a lot of things on this list aren’t happening. It’s supposed to be fun.

Dallas Cowboys

Dallas needs something that makes Jason Garrett a good coach because they are stuck with him for at least another three to four years after this run.

Baltimore Ravens

A trading partner for Joe Flacco. That and a playoff berth.

Seattle Seahawks

Gum. They need more gum for Pete Carroll. His power is derived from his gum chewing.

Indianapolis Colts

Continued health for Andrew Luck’s shoulder. That and a playoff berth.

Tennessee Titans

Can we give Marcus Mariota a new arm temporarily? Just one that doesn’t have nerve issues and injuries. Maybe cut off Gabbert’s arm and put it on Mariota for a few games. That and a playoff berth.

Minnesota Vikings

A playoff berth.

Pittsburgh Steelers

A Baltimore loss combined with a win of their own over the Bengals.

Philadelphia Eagles

A Minnesota Vikings loss with their own win over Washington.

Cleveland Browns

What do you get a team that doesn’t really need anything and has a super-bright future? How about one more weapon on the outside for Baker Mayfield.

Washington Redskins

We can’t get Redskins fans’ a new owner, right? Asking for a friend . . . no, literally asking for a friend. I have too many friends who are Redskins fans and they’ve suffered long enough.

Miami Dolphins

A way out of mediocrity. Let’s have the Dolphins be either really bad or really good. No more of whatever this 7-9 to 9-7 thing they have going on.

Green Bay Packers

A new coach. Hey one gift is really going to happen!

Denver Broncos

A new general manager. This one is definitely not happening.

Atlanta Falcons

Something that makes sure all their players’ injuries heal well. Essentially they need a magical potion.

Carolina Panthers

A healthy Cam Newton

Cincinnati Bengals

A coach that can win a playoff game. That’s not Hue Jackson or Vance Joseph by the way.

New York Giants

An easy way out from Eli Manning.

Buffalo Bills

A way for a new stadium to be built in Buffalo that ensures the Bills never leave upstate New York.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

A new start.

Jacksonville Jaguars

Joe Flacco

Detroit Lions

Players who actually buy into Matt Patricia’s program.

New York Jets

Someone who can help Sam Darnold develop.

San Francisco 49ers

A return of a health Jimmy Garoppolo. That and a defensive draft pick who actually succeeds immediately.

Oakland Raiders

A skilled pass rusher in the mold of Khalil Mack.

Arizona Cardinals

They need everything. Give them everything.