Chapter Nine

Elsa straightened out her skirt and loosened and tightened the cuffs on her coat for the hundredth time. She looked over at the clock on the wall and hopelessly hoped that it had moved more than ten seconds since she last checked it. It had not.

She hated this waiting room. The drab, gray walls devoid of any decorations, the furniture picked out by colorblind decorators, and the outdated magazines with pages missing and pen markings on people's faces didn't leave a good first impression. Or second, or third… If Hannah wasn't so sure that this therapist was the best one in the city, Elsa would have chosen literally anyone else.

Every three days for the past couple of weeks, she had been seeing Dr. Sonya for therapy sessions mandated by Hannah. Ever since her meeting with Anna, she had been hostile and making rash decisions. Hannah scheduled the first therapy session even if she knew that'd be defying Elsa's authority. Any other time, Elsa would have either chastised or fired her, but right now she'd do anything to get that damn redhead out of her mind. The sessions would continue until Dr. Sonya signed a form stating that Elsa was mentally stable and wouldn't snap at her employees anymore. For obvious reasons, no one else at ArenCorp could know she was going to these sessions. Her corporation's reputation would take a serious hit if people found out their CEO was a crazy person.

Besides, she didn't doubt the rehabilitative effects of therapy. Maybe through some strange irony, talking about Anna would help to forget her.

Hannah was sitting right next to her in a lime-green chair running her finger across the screen of her tablet. At least she had something to entertain herself with, even if that tablet was strictly for work purposes only. "Why do you still insist on coming with me to these things?", Elsa asked her.

"Are you saying you don't want me here?", Hannah shot back.

"That's not the point. You stay back at the office and get some work done without me."

"Because you sneaking out in the afternoon by yourself going to who knows where isn't suspicious at all. You need me here to keep your alibi in check, plus I can't make any work-related decisions without your approval. So me coming with you makes that easier. And you know how good I am at keeping a secret." Hannah pushed the tablet over to Elsa's side. On the screen was a contract with a blank line on the bottom of the page. "Which reminds me, I need you to sign off on the renovation plans for our gyms over in East Arendelle."

Elsa slid the small pen out from the side of the tablet and signed the screen, not bothering to read the plans. They probably just wanted to expand their walls to add more treadmills. Again. "I guess that's fair. Anything else?"

Hannah took back the tablet and navigated towards a new page, "Nothing overly important. Mr. Westerguard from the SIBC is going to be in the area in the next month and wants to schedule a meeting with you."

"Get a specific date first and then we can schedule something. Anything else?"

"Yes. Oh, okay I lied. My bad, this one's kinda important." She brought up a new page for Elsa to look at, on it was a list of emails all with the same subject line: Arendelle Fair Booth Registration. "The list of booths for the fair needs to go out today, and there's still one more spot to fill. I need you to decide which one gets it."

"Right, that's next week isn't it?" Elsa took the tablet into her hands and skimmed over the emails pondering over who would make the cut and who wouldn't. She knew how much this fair helped her city, but she couldn't fit all these businesses on the fairgrounds. There were some good businesses on the list, most of them not even backed by ArenCorp…except for one. And once she got to that one, Elsa couldn't look at any of the others.

Warm Hearts Bakery. This was going to be a tough decision: Would she reject it because it needed less exposure than the others on the list? Or would she reject it just to be petty?

No, she couldn't think like that. She was better than that. Every business should have a chance to succeed no matter how small or new they were, ArenCorp wasn't as big as it was until she came along. Still, that didn't stop her from trying to come up with excuses to leave them off the list.

"Did you find one?", Hannah asked as she leaned over to see which name Elsa stopped on.

Elsa moved the tablet away, "I'm still deciding!"

Hannah looked at her like she was on drugs, all of the drugs, "O…kay? But I need to send out the list in like an hour."

"And I'll give you my decision before then.", Elsa pressed a button to lock the screen on the tablet and handed it back to Hannah. She was grateful to be rid of the thing, at least for a little bit.

Dr. Sonya finally opened her the door. The woman in a modest, flowery dress smiled and gestured for Elsa to come in.

Dr. Sonya's office offered the same welcoming atmosphere as her waiting room, with psychology degrees the only things breaking the monotony. Dr. Sonya herself was a short, middle-aged woman with an accent Elsa still hadn't pinned down, she spoke in perfect English at least. She wore her recently dyed black hair in a braid, thinner than Elsa's and had silver, wire-framed glasses that she took off and put on like an act of habit. She was an interesting character, but her quirks made her comfortable to be around and talk to.

She had this way of getting into your head and make you say things about yourself without forcing out any personal details. It's as if you wanted to tell her your deepest, darkest secrets. An apt description for any therapist worth their salt, but she did so with such an infectious smile and attitude. After a couple sessions, Elsa found herself almost eager to go to her office.

Almost.

Elsa sat on a black leather chair, leaning back with one leg crossed and her arms folded across her lap much like Dr. Sonya was sitting.

"So how have you been since our last session?", the doctor asked.

"I mean I haven't emasculated any of my employees in the past few days, so I guess that means I'm fine right?", Elsa replied. Fine may not have been the right choice of words, but it was better than saying "barely able to stop thinking about her ex-girlfriend, and when she does all she wants to do is strangle her." Yeah she was…she was going a bit insane.

"Any updates?", Dr. Sonya asked as she scribbled on her notepad.

Elsa shrugged after giving that question the least amount of thought, "Nothing off the top of my head."

"Interesting.", she said while continuing to write. "Interesting…"

After waiting a few seconds to see if Dr. Sonya would say what was interesting, Elsa realized she wouldn't. This might be one of her mind tricks to get her talking some more, but she wanted to get out of here as soon as possible so Elsa decided to take the bait and speak. "So doctor, um...I guess, I don't know, how have you been?"

"For today's session I'd like to talk to you more about your relationship with Anna." The doctor completely ignored Elsa's words.

"Why am I not surprised?", Elsa muttered under her breath and pinched the bridge of her nose. Ninety percent of their conversations were about her and Anna. She already told her about how they got together, some big moments in their relationship, and why they broke up. "What else do you want to hear?"

Dr. Sonya stopped writing and placed her hands back on her lap, an action Elsa wasn't used to. She still held her unfazed smile and stared right at Elsa like she was about to catch her off-guard. And she did. "I'd like to know about your first fight."

Elsa sat up and raised an eyebrow, "What…why would you want to know about that?"

"Many relationships that don't end on the best of terms typically aren't due to one isolated incident. If we talk about when things first went wrong, we can start to look at how we can make things right again."

Without even thinking, Elsa immediately asked, "And what if I don't want to make things right again?"

Dr. Sonya gave her a knowing expression and said, "And what if you do?"

Elsa scoffed, but if there was any chance that this would lead to her never thinking of Anna again, then she would take it. She sighed as she went back into her memories, not taking very long to figure out when their first big fight happened. After all, she was the one that caused it. "It was the start of our junior year…"

If they hadn't already, many students were deciding what they were going to be doing after they were out of high school. Would they go straight into the workforce? Would they join the army? Would they go to college? And if so, what for?

This was the issue that both Anna and Elsa were struggling with, Elsa much more so. Anna wanted to be a baker ever since she was old enough to pick up a spatula. Her baking skills were known throughout the neighborhood and it wasn't uncommon for neighbors to come to her door wondering if she had any extra cookies or brownies to give out. She loved seeing the joy on people's faces, and loved the process of creating the definition of delicious from a few choice ingredients. More than once had she considered changing her last name to "Baker".

Anna knew exactly what she wanted to do, Elsa didn't even know what she wanted to wear the next day. One day, as they were going through brochures in Anna's kitchen from a college fair at their school earlier at day, the weight of how directionless Elsa's life was had finally gotten to her.

"I think it's safe to say that Arendelle University is on the top of my list.", Anna said with giddiness in her voice as she held up the brochure with both hands like it was a newborn child. "The campus is beautiful, their culinary program is top-notch, and their tuition is super affordable. Plus, I mean a lot of our classmates are going there anyway, so it won't be that lonely up there you know?"

"Yeah…yeah...", Elsa replied while absently looking at the stack of brochures. They may as well be a part of the woodwork.

Anna caught her gaze and immediately put down her Arendelle University brochure. She placed her hands over Elsa's and said softly, "What's wrong?"

The redhead's uncanny determination to know something was up with Elsa, and do whatever it took to cheer her up, was unmatched. It's one of the reasons why Elsa loved her so much.

She gave her a sad smile, "Oh it's just…listening to you talk about your future and how you always light up when you talk about it…I really wish I could do that."

Anna stroked her cheek, "Don't beat yourself up over this too bad, Elsa, you're gonna be just fine. No matter what your teachers, or your advisor, or your parents tell you, the only person that can decide what you want to do with your life is you. And you don't need to decide on that right away."

"Yeah but…", Elsa sighed, "…you knew that you wanted to be a baker for so long, nothing can ever change that. I...I don't know, I guess I forgot what I've wanted."

"Nothing? There's nothing in your life that you've loved enough that you wanted to pursue?"

Elsa shook her head, "Nothing. I mean nothing except you obviously, but I don't think I can get a degree in studying you for the next four years."

Anna laughed, but the redness on her cheeks definitely wasn't from her laughing. "Well if there was I bet you'd be able to graduate with Straight A's, you'd be like the valedictorian."

"And the only one taking that course of study…hopefully."

"Hopefully.", Anna placed one of her hands on her girlfriend's shoulder. "Just…don't beat yourself up about this okay? You'll find out what you want to do in life, and when you do you'll be the best dang person to do…whatever it is you end up doing. Like even if you're a janitor, you'll be the best janitor of all time! People will write stories about how you cleaned the world's streets, mopping up crime and shining windows till they reflected the sun's rays right back at it. Wait no, that would kill people…"

Elsa smiled, a genuine, heartwarming smile this time. She leaned in to kiss Anna, and Anna met her halfway. Hundreds of kisses later and they still held that same spark from the first one. "I love you," Elsa said once they parted.

"I love you too."

Not even ten seconds later, Elsa said something that made that night take a depressing turn. She had a momentary lapse of judgement when Anna returned to her brochure and said, "Hey but…I just want to let you know that if my plan ends up with us going separate ways…I want you to be happy okay?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean like…maybe if I end up going to college somewhere else and it's super far away, if it's easier for you to be happy without me then do it."

"I'm still not sure I'm following you."

"Okay so it's like…", Elsa put Anna's brochure down and looked at her with fading intensity. She should have stopped talking, quit while she was behind, but her mind still hadn't caught up with her mouth. "So what if we go to different colleges and they're like more than 3 or 4 hours away. I want you to be happy, and if that means forgetting about me and moving on and finding someone else, then so be it." Yeah this was really stupid. "Like what if the long-distance thing doesn't work out- if we try it, I mean- and you're not feeling it? I want you to find someone else that you can…feel it with. If push comes to shove and you have to choose between me and being happy, then I want you to be happy."

Anna looked at her like she was insane, or an idiot, or both. Her eyebrows scrunched up and her mouth contorted into both a frown and a smile. More frown than smile. "Elsa, are you preemptively breaking up with me in case we go to different colleges?"

Elsa shook her head rapidly, "No! No, that is not what I-oh…crap, I think I am. I…I think I may have just hypothetically broken up with you?"

The shade of a smile on Anna's face was gone now. "Are you saying that if we try the long-distance thing, that I'll be so unhappy so fast that I'll find someone else and forget all about you?"

"That's…I don't think that's what I'm saying?" By now, Elsa had no idea what she said or was going to say.

"Because I'm just gonna throw away everything we have on the off chance that I find some new person whose two minutes away and not three hours away. Because our relationship isn't strong enough to go the distance, is that right?" There's something in Anna's eyes: tears, she's hurt.

"That is definitely not what I'm trying to say here.", Elsa replied.

"Then what are you trying to say? Because all I'm hearing right now is that you don't think we're going to last after high school, and I'm…I'm honestly a little mad that you'd think that." Not just mad, if her eyes are any indication.

Almost three years into their relationship, and Elsa was finally seeing a different side of Anna that she hoped to never see. Despite what Anna said, there was nothing little about the pure anger in her expression, from her pursed lips to her furrowed brows. There was pain too, the pain of a loss that hadn't happened yet, and a loss she never wanted to happen.

Elsa needed to fix this.

"Anna…I never meant to imply that after we graduate, we won't be strong enough to go the distance. In fact, there's nothing I want more after high school is over than to be with you. I'm just saying that if…whatever the future holds, if it means that you and I can't be close to each other and it turns out that through some divine intervention this isn't working out…

All I want is for you to be happy, Anna. Even if that means being happy without me."

Elsa's own words were a bitter pill to swallow, no matter how truthful they were. But the hurt she was feeling inside wasn't nearly as bad as the hurt she saw in Anna. She was looking down and away from Elsa, but Elsa could tell she was on the verge of tears. For the first time in a while, Elsa had no idea what was going on in Anna's head, all she knew was that she had to do something.

She placed two tentative fingers on Anna's chin and turned her head to face her without any resistance. Anna sniffled, but didn't resist. "Anna…", Elsa said softly, "…are we-are you going to be alright?"

She wiped a tear away, the frown on her face has straightened out only a tiny bit, but it was still something. "You're an idiot," Anna whispered.

Elsa chuckled, "Yeah you've told me that a few times. But why am I an idiot this time?"

This time Anna leaned in for a kiss, and this time Elsa met her halfway. This kiss was different, it was new and unlike any they had ever experienced. All the other kisses before were either quick declarations that they still loved each other, or ones verging on the passion they had yet to fully explore. This kiss called on both these feelings and yet so much more; their lips connected and stayed together for as long as time would let them. And in this kiss, they both told each other a new declaration, one that Anna would say out loud once they parted.

"Elsa, no matter what I do or where I go, it won't mean anything if I don't have you. And I don't know what the future holds, or where it'll take us, all I know is that no matter what happens I want to be by your side through it all."

Elsa didn't say anything after that, what else could she say that Anna already hadn't? She simply pulled Anna in for another kiss, declaring the same thing.

"And that was that. I know it was more of a misunderstanding than a fight, but you never asked for our worst one. You just asked for our first."

Dr. Sonya nodded and stopped writing. She had been completely silent this whole time, save for some instances of "mmhmm" and "I see", but now it seemed that she was going to work some of her therapy magic. "That was a very interesting tale, Elsa, I'm glad you shared that with me."

"Thank you?", Elsa replied cautiously. "I'm sorry but I still don't know what the point of all that was."

The doctor smirked, "I needed to know how you were able to reconcile your differences in the past, because that may hold the key in reconciling the differences you both hold now."

Again, Elsa didn't want to do any reconciling with Anna, she wanted to never see her again. But she had to admit that she was at least curious to see what the doctor had to say. "And what did you find out?"

Dr. Sonya took her glasses off and wiped them on her dress. Whether it was because she actually needed to or if it was to build suspense, Elsa didn't know. "What I could gather from that story is something that I think you already know. There is something that you lack, and it's the key to forgiving not just Anna, but yourself."

Elsa had so many questions. Why would she need to forgive herself? Why should she forgive Anna? And most importantly… "What exactly is it that I lack?"

Dr. Sonya leaned back on her own chair and smiled. She pointed a finger at Elsa and said one word: "Perspective."

Elsa let out a noise that she herself had trouble understanding. It sounded like a scoff, but also a laugh, but also a grunt. "Perspective on what? Perspective on how Anna is trying her best to ruin my life again?"

"Now Elsa, you and I both know that's an overreaction."

"Overreaction? You heard what she did, right? How could you sit there and say that she-" It was happening again, she was lashing out at others for the mistakes of one person. Elsa rolled her shoulders and let out a deep breath. "I'm sorry, this isn't your fault. Why do you think I need perspective?"

Dr. Sonya was completely unfazed by Elsa's outburst, she just smiled and folded her hands back on her lap. "There is one thing that links your first fight with Anna to your worst one, and to your most recent one. You fail to see things from her perspective, and always tend to assume that yours is the right one. I trust that you've heard the phrase 'Things aren't always black and white'?"

"Well yeah, I'm pretty sure everyone has."

"Now that sort of proves my point right there, doesn't it? Why would you say that everyone has heard that phrase?"

"Because everyone has heard…" Elsa realized now that Dr. Sonya had done it, she had just worked her therapy magic. But she wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of admitting that. "I still say you're wrong."

Dr. Sonya puts her hands up as if she was admitting defeat, "Then I'm wrong. But if you'll humor me for a second, would you like to know what I'd like you to do in order for you to truly see if I'm wrong?"

Did she really have a choice? Elsa sighed, "Alright, what do you want me to do?"

"Whenever you get the opportunity, whether it's in a couple of hours or a couple of weeks, I want you to talk with Anna and gain her perspective. Why did she do what she did? Why didn't she reach out to you in those four years? Why did she decide to do so now? You can't tell you me you aren't a little curious."

As hard as it was to admit, Dr. Sonya was right. She never once reached out to Anna to get an explanation.

Thankfully she didn't have to say anything else for the session. Dr. Sonya looked at her watch and spoke, "Well it seems as if we're out of time, but I want you to try and do what I asked. Your friend told me that you're going to be busy with the festival coming up so she scheduled your next appointment in two weeks."

"Hannah is just my-"

"Oh, you don't need to lie to me, Elsa." Dr. Sonya stood up and stretched out a hand, both to help Elsa up and to shake hers. "I'll see you in two weeks, and remember to get some perspective okay?"

Elsa refused the offer for help off the chair but shook the doctor's hand as to not be rude. She had a lot to think about, and she knew now that her sessions with Sonya were far from over. "Yeah, I'll see you then."

She left her office without speaking another word, Hannah was waiting for her in the waiting room already prepared to leave. "How'd it go?", she asked.

"Good, yeah it went good," Elsa replied dismissively. "Come on, we have to continue preparing for the festival."

Elsa didn't want to spend a second longer in here. She needed to be someplace where she could think, or at the very least someplace she could feel comfortable. Right now that place was her office. But Hannah stopped her before she could get too far, holding out the tablet against her chest to block her escape.

"Speaking of festivals, I still need a decision on that last booth like right now. They're expecting the list in five minutes."

"Seriously?", Elsa said, more than a little annoyed.

"Seriously."

Elsa did promise to do that after she got out. However, with this new development thanks to Dr. Sonya, she knew what she had to do. She had to gain some perspective, and that wouldn't happen if she kept actively trying to avoid Anna. Again.

With a defeated sigh, Elsa moved the tablet out of the way and gave her answer, "Pick the bakery."

"Which one?"

Elsa continued walking towards the front door. "You know which one."

A/N: The next chapter's a festival one! Just like a high school anime, oh boy!

Okay but like all snark and dumb sarcasm aside, thank you guys for reading my crap this year and reviewing it and favoriting it and all that, I'm pretty sure favoriting isn't a word but whatever. Thank you guys, you're 50% of the reason I keep writing, the other 50% is that I just genuinely like to write about two sisters, and sometimes two non-sisters, getting it on…I guess. I don't know, I guess I'm weird.

The point I'm trying to make is that since it's late December, I hope you guys have an amazing holiday season and I'll see you again in the next year.