THAT'S A GREATSTORY, SARAH. ALL RIGHT, KIDS ! NOW HOW ABOUT WE DO SOMESCRIPTURE READINGS-- FROM THE BOOK OF MORMON ! ALL RIGHT !YEAH ! WOO-HOO !YOW ! THE BOOK OF MORMON ?WHAT'S THAT ? YOU KNOW, THE BOOKTHAT JOSEPH SMITH FOUND ! WHO'S JOSEPH SMITH ? ONLY THE MOST IMPORTANTPERSON IN THE WORLD ! YOU NEVERHEARD OF HIM ? NO ! TELL US THE STORY OFJOSEPH SMITH AGAIN, DAD ! TELL US, TELL US !ALL RIGHT ! ALL RIGHT, YOU RASCALS,GATHER 'ROUND. JOSEPH SMITH LIVED INA LITTLE AMERICAN TOWN IN THE EARLY 1800s. ( singers )♪ JOSEPH SMITH WASCALLED A PROPHET ♪ ♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM ♪ HE STARTEDTHE MORMON RELIGION ♪ ♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM THERE GOES THATKOOKY JOSEPH SMITH. YOU KNOW HE CLAIMS HE SPOKEWITH GOD AND JESUS. WELL, HOW DO YOUKNOW HE DIDN'T ? ♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM ♪ JOSEPH SMITH WAS CALLEDA PROPHET ♪ HEY, JOSEPH ! I TOLD MY WIFE THAT YOUSPOKE WITH GOD AND JESUS AND SHE DIDN'TBELIEVE IT ! WELL IT'S TRUE,I DID ! WHERE ? I WAS OUT INTHE WOODS, PRAYING. I WAS ASKING GOD IFI SHOULD BE A PROTESTANT OR A CATHOLIC OR WHAT-- AND SUDDENLY, GOD AND JESUSAPPEARED BEFORE ME. AND THEY SAID I SHOULDSTART MY OWN CHURCH ! BECAUSE NONE OF THE OTHERSHAD IT RIGHT. AND THAT'S EXACTLYHOW IT HAPPENED ! YOU SEE ?YOU BELIEVE IT NOW ? YEAH, SURE, WHY WOULDHE MAKE THAT UP ? ♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM ♪ MANY PEOPLEBELIEVED JOSEPH ♪ ♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM ♪ AND THAT NIGHTHE SAW AN ANGEL ♪ ♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM AND PLEASE BLESSMOTHER AND FATHER. AND PLEASE KEEP OUR BELLIESFULL OF YUM YUMS AND LUSCIOUS GOODIES. AAAH ! OH MY GOSH ! I AM MORONI,I AM A NATIVE AMERICAN. A NATIVE AMERICAN ? BUT YOUR SKINIS WHITE. YES, LONG AGO ALL NATIVEAMERICANS WERE WHITE. WE ALL CAME TO AMERICAFROM JERUSALEM, AND WHILE WE WERE HEREWE WERE VISITED BY CHRIST. JESUS LIVEDHERE IN AMERICA ? YES, EVENTUALLY MY PEOPLEWERE ALL KILLED BY THE OTHER TRIBE OF ISRAEL. AND AS PUNISHMENT,GOD TURNED THEIR SKIN RED. THESE ARE THE NATIVEAMERICANS YOU KNOW TODAY. ♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM THERE IS AN ANCIENT BOOKBURIED NEAR HERE WRITTEN ON GOLD PLATES THATACCOUNT MY PEOPLE'S LIVES. ALSO BURIED WITH THE BOOK ARE TWO "SEER" STONES,THE URIM AND THUMMIM, WHICH WILL ALLOW YOU TOTRANSLATE THE WRITINGS. FIND IT ANDFULFILL YOUR DESTINY. WOW ! ♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM ♪ JOSEPH SMITH WAS CALLEDA PROPHET ♪ ♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM ♪ AND WE ALL KNOW WHATHAPPENED THEN, DON'T WE ? YEAH !I KNOW ! WHAT HAPPENED THEN ? ( bell dings ) OOH, THE RICE KRISPIESQUARES ARE DONE ! RICE KRISPIE SQUARES !ALL RIGHT ! HEY GANG, LET'S WRAP SOME MOREOF THEM UP IN PLASTIC WRAP AND HAND THEM OUTTO THE POOR ! AWESOME !I CAN'T WAIT ! YOU COMING, STAN ? NO, I WAS SUPPOSEDTO BE HOME AT EIGHT. AW, THAT'S TOO BAD ! WELL, IT WAS REALLY NICEMEETING YOU, STAN ! 'BYE, STAN !SEE YA ! GREAT TO MEET YOU !'BYE !

LOOK, UH, I ACTUALLYCAME OVER BECAUSE I'M A LITTLECONCERNED ABOUT SOME OF THE THINGSYOU TOLD MY SON. UH-HUH.UH-HUH. YOU KNOW, ABOUT...GOD AND STUFF. OH... OH BOY, YOU THINK WE WERETRYING TO CONVERT HIM. WELL, I-- OH, MR. MARSH,I AM SO SORRY. WE JUST MOVED HEREFROM UTAH AND WE'RE SO USED TO EVERYONEBEING MORMON THAT WE-- WE FORGET NOT EVERYONEWANTS TO HEAR ABOUT IT ! OH BOY, YOUMUST BE FURIOUS ! WELL... NO,NO, I JUST-- YOU JUST HEARD YOUR SONTALKING ABOUT RELIGIOUS IDEALS THAT AREN'T YOUR OWNAND YOU SAID, "WHO THE HECK DO THESEPEOPLE THINK THEY ARE ?" I'M REALLY,TRULY SORRY, MR. MARSH, IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN. YOU CAN...CALL ME RANDY. RANDY, THE LAST THING WE WANTIS FOR PEOPLE TO THINK WE'RE PUSHING OUR RELIGION. WE KNOW THERE ARE A LOTOF BELIEFS OUT THERE AND OURS JUSTWORKS FOR US. TO EACH HIS OWN,RIGHT ? YEAH. YEAH ! YOU KNOW, TO BE HONEST,I'VE NEVER KNOWN ANY MORMONS, I DON'T EVEN KNOWWHAT YOU PEOPLE BELIEVE. WHO WAS THISJOSEPH SMITH GUY ? WHY DID HE BELIEVETHAT NATIVE AMERICANS WERE ACTUALLY WHITE PEOPLEFROM JERUSALEM ? WELL, BECAUSE HE FOUNDANCIENT BOOKS THEY HAD WRITTENON GOLD PLATES. RIGHT WHERE THE ANGEL MORONISAID THEY WOULD BE. I FOUND THEM !I FOUND THEM ! YOU'RE NOT GONNABELIEVE IT, EVERYBODY ! I FOUND THEM ! FOUND WHAT ? ANOTHER NEW TESTAMENTOF JESUS CHRIST ! WHAT ?!WHAT'D HE SAY ? LAST NIGHT, A NATIVE AMERICANANGEL TOLD ME WHERE I COULD FIND ANOTHERTESTAMENT OF JESUS CHRIST, SO I WENT OUT TO THE WOODS... I DUG AROUND ALL MORNING WHERETHE ANGEL HAD TOLD ME TO LOOK. HMMM, MAYBE THERE ISN'TANYTHING OUT HERE. ( clink ) WAIT A TICK !WHAT'S THIS ? WOW... INSIDE THE STONE BOX, I FOUNDTHE MAGICAL SEER STONES. UNDER THAT, I FOUNDFOUR GOLD PLATES WRITTEN INSTRANGE WRITING. THIS MUST BE THE GOSPEL THATJESUS TOLD THE NEPHITES ! WELL, THEY WERE THE MOST AMAZINGTHINGS I'D EVER GAZED UPON ! WELL,SO WHERE ARE THEY ? WHERE ARE WHAT ? THE GOLD PLATES ANDTHE SEER STONES ! WHERE ARE THEY ? OH. OH, WELL, I WAS NOTALLOWED TO TAKE THEM. YOU SEE, AFTER I FOUNDTHE PLATES THE ANGEL MORONIAPPEARED TO ME AGAIN AND SAID THAT I AM NOTALLOWED TO SHOW THE PLATES OR THE SEER STONESTO ANYBODY ! BECAUSE FIRST I MUST TRANSLATEWHAT'S WRITTEN ON THE PLATES INTO ENGLISH, SO YOU CANALL READ IT ! ♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM WOW !THAT'S AMAZING ! ♪ HE FOUND THE STONESAND GOLDEN PLATES ♪ ♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM ♪ EVEN THOUGH NOBODY ELSEEVER SAW THEM ♪ ♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM ♪

SHUT UP, DUDE. THEY'RE A NICE FAMILY, AND GARY IS ACTUALLYREALLY SMART AND TALENTED. AWWW, YOU GUYS,I THINK STAN'S IN LOVE ! YEAH, DID YOU MAKE OUTWITH HIM, TOO ? WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ? CAN'T I HAVEOTHER FRIENDS ? YOU GUYS SHOULD GIVEGARY A CHANCE. HEY, STAN ! OH, HERE'S STAN'S LITTLEGIRLFRIEND NOW ! HEY, GUYS ! STAN, I REMEMBERYOU SAID LAST NIGHT THAT YOU'D LOST YOUR WALLET,SO I MADE YOU A NEW ONE. I CARVED A PICTUREOF JOHN ELWAY INTO THE LEATHERON THE FRONT. WOW, YOU MADE THIS ? OH, LOOK AT THEM ! AREN'T THEYSO CUTE TOGETHER ? HEY, MY FAMILY'SON THEIR WAY OVER TO THE FIRE STATIONTO DONATE BLOOD. YOU WANNA COME ALONG ? ( gagging ) UH, I DON'T THINK SO, GARY,I HAVE TO, UH... OH, HERE COMESMY FAMILY NOW ! HEY GUYS !HEY GUYS ! LOOK, WE PAINTEDOUR FACES ! ( laughter ) I'M A LION ! I'M AN ALIEN ! HEY ! JUST WHAT THE HECK AM ISUPPOSED TO BE ? MY GOD. YOU GONNA COME WITH US TOTHE FIRE STATION, STAN ? UH, NO,I'VE GOT A LOT TO DO. WELL, GARY, YOU WANNA JUST HANGOUT WITH YOUR FRIEND STAN ? OH, WELL,I'D LIKE TO, BUT-- OH MAN, I WOULDMISS YOU GUYS SO MUCH ! WE'D MISS YOU TOO, GARY ! OH, WE'LL ALL SEEEACH OTHER TONIGHT WHEN WE GO TOSTAN'S HOUSE FOR DINNER ! STAY AND PLAY WITHYOUR FRIENDS, GARY. YEAH, HAVE AGOOD TIME, BOYS ! ( laughter ) LET'S GO ! OUR FACESARE PAINTED ! WOW. SO WHAT DO YOUGUYS WANNA DO ? UH, THAT'S COOL. WE'RE GONNA LEAVE YOUTWO LOVEBIRDS ALONE. THE THREE OF USHAVE TO GO PUT IN SOME VOLUNTEER WORKAT THE HOMELESS SHELTER. OH, COOL ! I'M GONNA DO THATTOMORROW ! ( Cartman snickering )JESUS CHRIST ! SO HEY, I HEARD YOUR DADCAME OVER LAST NIGHT AND HE AND MY DAD TALKEDABOUT JOSEPH SMITH ! THAT'S GREAT ! YEAH, I HAD A QUESTION ABOUTTHAT JOSEPH SMITH GUY. SURE ! WHAT HAPPENED AFTER HEFOUND THE GOLDEN PLATES BURIED IN THE GROUND ? WELL, HE KEPT THEMHIDDEN FROM EVERYONE LIKE HE WAS TOLD. AND THEN HE TRANSLATED WHATWAS WRITTEN ON THE PLATES INTO THE BOOK OF MORMON ! YEAH, BUT HOW ? ♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT,MR. SMITH ? MR. HARRIS, CAN YOUKEEP A SECRET ? WELL, SURE I CAN ! I HAVE,IN MY POSSESSION, AN ANCIENT BOOKWRITTEN ON GOLD PLATES THAT TELLS OF JESUS CHRIST'SSECOND COMING ! HERE, IN AMERICA ! IN AMERICA, REALLY ? THAT SOUNDSKIND OF... ♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM IT'S TRUE ! AND I'M GOING TOTRANSLATE THE PLATES AND PUBLISH IT INTO A BOOKFOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO READ ! I KNOW YOU HAVE A LOTOF MONEY, MR. HARRIS, AND I'M JUST GONNANEED A LITTLE BIT TO PAY FOR THEPUBLISHING COSTS. MMM, I DON'T KNOW. HOW DO YOU EXPECTTO TRANSLATE IT ? WITH THESE. ROCKS ? THEY'RE NOT ROCKS,THEY'RE SEER STONES, GIVEN TO ME BY AN ANGEL ! WITH THEM,GOD ALLOWS ME TO TRANSLATE THE PLATESINTO ENGLISH. WATCH ! YOU TAKE THIS QUILL AND PAPERAND WRITE DOWN WHAT I SAY. SIT HERE. I HAVE THE GOLDEN PLATESHERE IN THIS HAT. I NEED TO HAVE THEMSOMEWHERE DARK SO I CAN READTHE SPIRITUAL LIGHT. REALLY ? WHEN I PUT THE SEERSTONES INTO THE HAT THE ANCIENT LETTERS LIGHT UPAND CHANGE TO ENGLISH WHICH I CAN THENREAD TO YOU ! WOW ! OOH, I'M SEEINGTHE LIGHT ! OKAY, WRITE THIS DOWN. AND SO...IT WAS THAT... CHRIST APPEAREDBEFORE THE NEPHITES. ♪ AND THAT'S HOW THE BOOKOF MORMON WAS WRITTEN ♪ ♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM ♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM DUMDUM DUM DUM DUM DUM ♪ ♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUMDUM DUM DUM DUM DUMMM ♪♪

WE HAVE A NEW STUDENTJOINING US TODAY WHO HAS JUST MOVED HEREFROM UTAH. I WANT YOU ALLTO SAY HI TO GARY ! HELLO, EVERYBODY. IT'S REALLY GREATTO MEET YOU ALL ! GARY WAS STATE CHAMPIONIN WRESTLING AND IN TENNIS ! HE ALSO MAINTAINED A 4.0GRADE POINT AVERAGE AT HIS OLD SCHOOL AND HAS BEEN ON TWO NATIONALCOMMERCIALS FOR TOOTHPASTE. I'M REALLY EXCITED TOLIVE IN THIS TOWN AND SHARE ALL KINDS OF GREATEXPERIENCES WITH YOU, MY NEW FRIENDS ! OH DUDE,WHAT A LITTLE ASSHOLE. YEAH, SCREW THAT KID. ALL RIGHT, GARY, WHY DON'T YOUTAKE THAT EMPTY SEAT AND WE'LL GET STARTEDWITH THE LESSON. HEY, MY NAME'S GARY. HI !MY NAME'S URA ! URA FAG ! THAT'S FUNNY !YOU'RE COOL, MAN. OKAY NOW, WHO CANTELL ME WHAT YEAR THE FIRST ASTRONAUTSLANDED ON THE MOON ? OOH, OOH OOH OOH !1969 ! VERY GOOD, GARY ! WOW, LOOKS LIKEI DON'T HAVE A CLASS FULL OF RETARDS ANYMORE,DOESN'T IT, CHILDREN ?

YEAH, SOMEBODY NEEDS TOPUT HIM IN HIS PLACE. HE'S A PECKER-FACE,THAT'S WHAT HE IS ! GO KICK HIS ASS,STAN ! YEAH,GO KICK HIS ASS. MAYBE HE WON'T FIGHT. WILL HE BLEED ? THAT'S ALLWE CARE ABOUT. COME ON, DUDE,SOMEBODY NEEDS TO WIPE THAT ( bleeping )SMIRK OFF HIS FACE. YEAH,LITTLE BITCH ! ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA GOKICK HIS ASS. YEAH, GO STAN !GO STAN ! ALL RIGHT, I GOT FIVE BUCKSON THE OTHER KID. WHO WANTS IT ? OH, HEY THERE ! DO YOU WANNA KICK THE BALLAROUND WITH ME ? NO, I'M... I'M GONNAKICK YOUR ASS. EXCUSE ME ? I'M GONNAKICK YOUR ASS. BITCH. HOW COME YOUWANNA FIGHT ME ? OH, I GET IT,I'M THE NEW KID. YEAH, I GUESS MAYBEI DESERVE IT. HUH ? IT'S REALLY TOUGH BEINGIN A TOTALLY NEW PLACE, BUT I THINK ALL YOU GUYSARE REALLY COOL, SO, I UNDERSTAND IF THERE'SINITIATION RIGHTS. DUDE, STOP IT. LET HIM HAVE IT,STAN ! SHUT UP, BUTTERS ! THE OTHER KIDSARE WATCHING. LOOK, DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO,I WON'T FIGHT BACK. I JUST HOPE THATMAYBE AFTERWARDS WE CAN TRY TO BEFRIENDS SOMEDAY. WHAT ARE THEY DOING ? THEY'RE JUST STANDINGTHERE TALKING. WHAT HAPPENED ? I'M... GOING OVER TO HISHOUSE FOR DINNER TONIGHT. ( Token )WHAT, HOW DID THAT HAPPEN ? HE'S... A REALLYNICE KID. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TOKICK HIS ASS, NOT LICK HIS BUTTHOLE ! YOU'RE HAVING DINNERWITH HIS FAMILY ?! WHAT KIND OF FAMILYHAS A KID LIKE THAT ? ( laughter )

OOH, FIVE ! ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE-- OH, "LOST YOUR MORTGAGE--PAY $10,000" ! OH, NO ! HEY, IT'S GARY ! GARY !GREAT TO SEE YOU ! HOW ARE YOU ? HEY, EVERYBODY, THIS ISMY NEW FRIEND, STAN. STAN, THIS ISMY MOM AND DAD. HI, STAN ! IT'S SO NICETO MEET YOU ! ( Gary )AND THIS IS MYBROTHER MARK... HI ! MY SISTER JENNY... HEY ! MY LITTLEBROTHER DAVE... HI ! AND MY BABY SISTER,AMANDA ! HELLO, STAN ! WELL, IT'S GREATYOU COULD JOIN US FOR FAMILYHOME EVENING, STAN ! WHAT'S THAT ? THAT'S WHEN WE DON'TALLOW ANY TV, AND JUST ENTERTAIN EACH OTHERWITH MUSIC AND STORIES ! DOESN'T YOUR FAMILYEVER DO THAT ? NO. HEY KIDS, WHY DON'T YOUGRAB YOUR INSTRUMENTS AND PLAY A SONG FOR STAN ? ALL RIGHT !LET'S DO IT ! ♪ YEAH YEAH YEAHI LOVE MY FAMILY ♪ ♪ MY FAMILY IS THE BEST ♪ IF WE EVER HAVE TOFACE A CHALLENGE ♪ OUR FAMILY !♪ CAN PASS THE TEST ♪ OH BOY, WHO IS THE BESTMOM IN THE WORLD ? YAY !ALL RIGHT, MOM ! ALL RIGHT,GO DAVE ! YES !WOO-HOO ! WHERE BE YOURGIBES NOW ? YOUR GAMBOLS ?YOUR SONGS ? HEY ! HEY ! HEY !HEY ! HEY !

( door opens ) ( laughter from TV ) HELLO ? OH, HI, STAN. HEY DAD, HOW COME YOU NEVERTOLD ME ABOUT JOSEPH SMITH ? WHO ? SHUT UP, TURD,WE'RE WATCHING "FRIENDS" ! THE GUY WHO SPOKE TOGOD AND JESUS. WELL, STAN, GOD AND JESUSDON'T ACTUALLY SPEAK TO PEOPLE. THAT'S NOT WHATTHE HARRISONS SAID. WHO ARE THE HARRISONS ? THE NEW PEOPLE THATMOVED IN DOWN THE STREET. MR. HARRISON SAID THAT JOSEPHSMITH SPOKE TO GOD AND JESUS AND THEY TOLD HIM NONE OFTHE RELIGIONS WERE RIGHT. OH, DID HE NOW ? WHAT ARE THEY,RELIGIOUS KOOKS ? THEY'RE NOT KOOKS,THEY'RE COOL ! HOW COME WE NEVER HAVE A NIGHTWHERE WE DON'T WATCH ANY TV AND WE JUST DO STUFF TOGETHERAND EAT AND DRINK ? WE HAVE THAT, STAN,IT'S CALLED FRIDAY NIGHT KEGGER. BUT THAT'S JUST YOUAND YOUR FRIENDS ! I SAID SHUT UP, TURD ! MR. HARRISON SAID THATI NEED TO BE FOLLOWING HEAVENLY FATHER'S PLAN, AND I DON'T EVEN KNOWWHAT THAT IS ! ALL RIGHT,THAT DOES IT. WHERE ARE YOU GOING ? I'M GONNA GO HAVE A TALKWITH THIS MR. HARRISON. IF HE THINKS HE CANFILL MY SON'S HEAD WITH WHACKO RELIGIOUS CRAP,HE'S WRONG ! RANDY, DON'T CAUSE TROUBLE. LET ME HANDLE THIS, SHARON. YOU GOTTA PUT THESE CULTPEOPLE IN THEIR PLACE OR ELSE THEY NEVER STOP. I'M GONNA GO KICKTHIS MR. HARRISON'S ASS ! THIS MR. HARRISON ISA WHITE GUY, RIGHT ? YEAH. YEAH, I'M GONNA GOKICK HIS ASS !

GOD DAMNRELIGIOUS KOOKS. TELL MY SON WHAT TOBELIEVE, WILL YOU ? WE'LL SEE HOW YOU LIKEMY FIST IN YOUR ASS. ( pounding on door ) HELLO ! YEAH, ARE YOUMR. HARRISON ? I SURE AM,THE NAME'S GARY. WELL, LOOK, MY KID WAS JUSTOVER AT YOUR HOUSE AND HE-- OOH, YOU'RE STAN'S DAD ! IT'S SO NICE TOFINALLY MEET YOU ! KAREN !MR. MARSH IS HERE ! UH, LOOK, I JUST WANNATELL YOU THAT-- OH, MR. MARSH,WHAT A TREAT ! IT'S SO NICETO MEET YOU ! WELL, THANKS, UH-- KAREN JUST FINISHEDBAKING THE MOST AMAZING RICE KRISPIE SQUARES ! WITH CHOCOLATE FROSTING ! COME ON OUT OF THE COLD,YOU'VE GOTTA TRY ONE. OR SIX ! I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW WONDERFULIT IS TO HAVE YOU OVER !

SO, HOW'D IT GO,"CLUBBER LANG" ? YOU KICKMR. HARRISON'S ASS ? NOT EXACTLY. WE'RE, UH, HAVINGTHEIR FAMILY OVER FOR DINNERTOMORROW NIGHT. SEE, THAT'S WHATHAPPENED TO ME ! SHARON, DID YOU KNOWTHIS GUY JOSEPH SMITH FOUND A NEW TESTAMENT TO THEBIBLE BURIED HERE IN AMERICA ? WHAT ARE YOUTALKING ABOUT ? WELL, IT'S JUST THAT-- THE HARRISONS AREREALLY NICE PEOPLE, AND YOU SHOULD SEE HOW LOVINGAND TOGETHER THEIR FAMILY IS. I, I THINK THERE'S SOMETHINGTO THAT RELIGION. THAT'S WHAT THEYMADE ME THINK TOO ! ALL RIGHT,THAT DOES IT ! FROM NOW ON,OUR FAMILY IS MORMON !

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR-- "PAY $1,000PROPERTY TAX" ! ISN'T THIS GREAT,YOU GUYS ? OUR FIRSTFAMILY HOME EVENING. I WANNA WATCH TV ! WE'RE NOT WATCHING TV,WE'RE MORMONS NOW AND WE'RE HAVINGFAMILY HOME EVENING ! DAD, DID YOU KNOW THATTHAT JOSEPH SMITH GUY READ THE BOOK OF MORMONOUT OF A HAT ? AND ?YOUR TURN, SHARON. IT'S JUST THAT, THE BOOK OF MORMON SAYSA LOT OF STRANGE STUFF. LIKE THAT ADAM AND EVE LIVEDIN JACKSON COUNTY, MISSOURI ? YES ? BUT SCHOOL TAUGHT ME THATTHE FIRST MAN AND WOMAN LIVED IN AFRICA. WELL, YOU CAN'T BELIEVEEVERYTHING SCHOOL TELLS YOU, STAN. YOUR TURN,SHELLEY. ( doorbell rings ) OOH, THAT MUST BETHE HARRISONS ! HEY, EVERYBODY ! WOW, WHATA GREAT HOUSE ! YOU MUST BE MRS. MARSH,IT'S SO NICE TO MEET YOU ! AND YOU MUST BESTAN'S SISTER ! OH, I THINK YOURBROTHER'S THE GREATEST ! MY BROTHER ISA STUPID TURD. HEY, STAN ! HEY, GARY. WELL, COME ON INAND SIT DOWN, EVERYBODY. YOU'RE HERE JUST IN TIME. MY SON WAS HAVING A LITTLEPROBLEM WITH OUR NEW RELIGION. DAD ! OH, REALLY ? WELL, THAT'S JUST BECAUSEHE HASN'T HEARD THE BEST PART ABOUTTHE JOSEPH SMITH STORY ! THE ONE THAT PROVESHE WAS FOR REAL ! YEAH !YEAH ! OOH, WHAT'S THAT ? WELL, YOU REMEMBERMARTIN HARRIS, THE RICH MANWHO WROTE DOWN WHAT JOSEPH SMITH READOUT OF THE HAT ? YEAH. SEE, AFTER HE WAS DONE,HE TOOK SOME OF THE PAGES OF WHAT WOULD BECOME THE BOOKOF MORMON HOME ! ♪ MARTIN WENT HOMETO HIS WIFE ♪ ♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM ♪ AND SHOWED HER PAGESFROM THE BOOK OF MORMON ♪ ♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM AND SO, JOSEPH SMITHPUT HIS HEAD INTO A HAT AND READ TO ME WHATTHE GOLDEN PLATES SAID ! I WROTE IT ALL DOWN, AND WE'RE GONNAPUBLISH IT INTO A BOOK ! MARTIN, HOW DO YOU KNOW HEISN'T JUST MAKING STUFF UP AND PRETENDING HE'S TRANSLATINGOFF GOLDEN PLATES ? ♪ LUCY HARRISSMART SMART SMART ♪ ♪ SMART SMART SMARTSMART SMART ♪ WHY WOULD HEMAKE IT UP ? ♪ MARTIN HARRISDUM DUM DUM ♪ ALL RIGHT, HERE. I'M GONNA HIDETHESE PAGES. IF JOSEPH SMITH REALLY ISTRANSLATING OFF OF GOLDEN PLATES THEN HE'LL BE ABLETO DO IT AGAIN. BUT IF JOSEPH SMITHIS MAKING IT ALL UP, THEN THE NEW TRANSLATIONSWILL BE DIFFERENT FROM THESE. OKAY, FINE ! I BET HE'LL HAVENO PROBLEM ! ♪ LUCY HARRISSMART SMART SMART ♪ ♪ MARTIN HARRIS DUMB ♪ SO MARTIN WENT ONBACK TO SMITH'S ♪ ♪ SAID THE PAGESHAD GONE AWAY ♪ ♪ SMITH GOT MAD AND TOLD MARTINHE NEEDED TO GO PRAY ♪ ♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM LOOK, I'M SORRY ABOUT LOSINGTHE PAGES WE WORKED ON, JOE. BUT I'M READY TOWRITE IT ALL DOWN AGAIN IF YOU TRANSLATEFROM THE PLATES. I WOULD LOVE TO,MARTIN, EXCEPT-- I JUST HAD A VISION. AND THE LORD SAID HE ISVERY ANGRY WITH ME FOR LETTING YOUTAKE THOSE PAGES ! HE IS ?! ♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM YES ! HE IS SO MAD THATHE WILL NEVER LET ME TRANSLATE FROM THE PLATEOF LEHI AGAIN. HE SAID WE MUST NOW TRANSLATEFROM THE PLATE OF NEPHI. SO IT WILL BETHE SAME BASIC STORY, BUT WRITTEN A LITTLEDIFFERENTLY. WOW ! IF GOD GOT ANGRY WITH YOU THEN YOU MUST BETELLING THE TRUTH ! ♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM ALL RIGHT, MARTIN,LET'S GET TO WORK ! AND THAT'SHOW IT HAPPENED ! YEAH !ALL RIGHT ! WAIT, MORMONS ACTUALLYKNOW THIS STORY AND THEY STILL BELIEVEJOSEPH SMITH WAS A PROPHET. WELL SURE, THE STORYPROVES IT, DOESN'T IT ? NO, IT PROVES HE DIDMAKE IT ALL UP ! ARE YOU BLIND ?! WELL, STAN, IT'S ALLA MATTER OF FAITH ! NO, IT'S A MATTEROF LOGIC ! IF YOU'RE GONNA SAY THINGSTHAT HAVE BEEN PROVEN WRONG, LIKE THAT THE FIRST MAN ANDWOMAN LIVED IN MISSOURI AND THAT NATIVE AMERICANSCAME FROM JERUSALEM, THEN YOU BETTER HAVESOMETHING TO BACK IT UP ! ALL YOU'VE GOT ARE A BUNCH OFSTORIES ABOUT SOME ASSWIPE WHO READ PLATES NOBODYEVER SAW OUT OF A HAT AND THEN COULDN'T DO IT AGAIN WHEN THE TRANSLATIONSWERE HIDDEN ! HEY, STAN, DON'TDENOUNCE OUR RELIGION. I DON'T WANT TO BEMORMON, DAD ! ME NEITHER. HEY, THAT'S TOTALLYCOOL, GUYS, YOU CAN BELIEVEWHATEVER YOU WANT ! YEAH, IT'S GREAT YOU HAVEYOUR OWN BELIEFS ! YEAH ! YAY FOR THE MARSHES ! OH, STOP IT ! THAT'S ANOTHER THING ! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SOFRICKIN' NICE ALL THE TIME ? IT ISN'T NORMAL ! YOU JUST WEASEL PEOPLEINTO YOUR WAY OF THINKING BY ACTING LIKE THE HAPPIESTFAMILY IN THE WORLD AND BEING SO NICE TO EVERYONE THAT YOU JUST BLINDSIDEDUMB PEOPLE LIKE MY DAD ! YEAH ! ( sighs )WELL, KIDS... WHO'S UP FOR A WATERBALLOON FIGHT ?! YEAH !