PATRIOTS have hailed the government’s secret Nissan deal as proof that when it comes to allowing multinational businesses to behave as they please, Britain again leads the world.

Theresa May said, “This is a post-Brexit success story: a business based on British soil, creating British jobs for British workers, eating British-made sandwiches and breathing British air.

“The adoption of the pink Power Ranger uniform as mandatory for all residents of Sunderland is a gloriously British gesture of welcome to our Japanese friends, as is my personal promise that any shortfall in profits will be made up by good old British tax.

“This deal is proof, if it were needed, that Britain is in rude health. So much so that hospitals are frankly unnecessary.”