(My girlfriend has finished a sandwich and is getting ready to go back to work for the afternoon. I work evenings, and as such have just woken up. I’m not particularly ‘with it’ when I first wake up.)

Girlfriend: “How do I look?”

Me: “Baby, you’re more beautiful than any woman I’ve ever known.”

Girlfriend: “No, what I mean is: Do I have mustard on my face or anything?”

Me: “Baby, you have more mustard on my face than any woman I’ve ever known.”