I’ve had a particularly “uncomfortable” weekend. I won’t go into the specifics, but I’ve been at the center of more than one triggering and oppressive moment with white folks this weekend. So I would like to share a short list of things that white people can do to not make a black girl like me feel like shit.

1. If you want to compliment my hair, wonderful. But please don’t touch it without my permission. And it’s also a little awkward when you say that you wish you could have hair like mine.

2. Please do not claim to understand white privilege and then ask me how to help you be a better ally to people of color. I don’t fucking know. I’m too busy trying to deal with being black. Go read some books. Google it. Or better yet, go talk to other white people about how to not do racist shit. Side note: I googled “how to be an ally to people of color” and immediately found this post.

3. This one is a little tricky and I fully expect a few white feminists to push back on this, but don’t critique hip hop for objectifying women when you clearly don’t listen to it and because you are not seeing bodies that look like yours being exploited. We got this. Thanks.

4. And on that note, don’t expect me to know all the hip hop songs. I don’t. A lot of that shit is extremely painful to listen to.

5. Understand that your intentions do not change the way you made someone feel, or make your actions any less triggering or oppressive.

6. Do not use this list, or any other, to gauge whether or not you have checked your privilege. It is not exhaustive.