Speaking of Whatever You Were Talking About, I Read Half of a David Foster Wallace Essay Last Year

Yeah, I hear what you’re saying about the awful car wreck you got into this morning. Whatever it was you were telling me about that, I’m listening, and that’s why I’m nodding.

And you know what, you’re actually reminding me of this essay by David Foster Wallace that I started reading last year. I saw one of his books in the bookstore, and I thought the nerdy girl behind the register was cute, so I opened up the book where she could see me and started reading a bit. It ended up being kind of interesting. The essay was called “Consider the Lobster,” and it was about lobsters. About considering lobsters, and how people boil lobsters, and that’s kind of mean, you know? But then, if you think about it, is it really mean?

Yeah, that’s tough about how you can’t afford your deductible. You need your car to get to work or whatever. Or aren’t you in grad school? I forget. Anyways, I’ve been thinking about going to grad school myself. I looked into some writing programs, but they want all these bullshit essays, and the whole thing seems like a waste of time if you ask me. No offense.

Wait, what were we talking about?

Oh, right! So, this David Foster Wallace essay had footnotes! That’s where you put a little number next to a sentence and write extra stuff at the bottom. Some of the footnotes were really long. I don’t remember what any of them were about, but I think he did it that way to make a point about how, like, there are so many details. Sometimes people get so focused on one thing that they forget about all the other things happening around them. That guy was just fucking brilliant. He reminds me of myself in a lot of ways. It’s too bad he killed himself.

Oh, you have a full-time job and you’re going to grad school online? At the same time? Whoa, that sounds like a ton of work. Maybe instead of a full-time thing, you should try driving for Uber or something. I used to do that myself, for like a whole week. It’s a pretty amazing way to make a buck — just you, your car, and the open road. You should really try it!