“Mother of God, it’s all toilet sounds!” –Hank Hill on the ‘new generation of music’

Music: it’s been around since the dawn of time, or at least since monkeys started using their arse cheeks as bongos for the first time ever. Although the slapping of their buttocks is not considered as pleasant to an audience as when Beyonce does it, any kind of sound can be put together with different or even the same sounds to form a beat or tune of some sort. Try tapping your hand against any surface repeatedly without changing the time elapsed between each tap. One, two, three, four, one, two, three, four, repeat. If you have done this right, congratulations! You have basic motor skills. Also, you have just done something called “keeping the beat”. Do you still hear that beat you’ve just created in your head? You should probably stop tapping now. However, even when you stop tapping your hand you can still feel the beat inside you. Is the beat in yet? See, this is the remarkable thing about music that makes it such an addictive and all-around source of entertainment. It makes you want to keep clicking your teeth together to that same beat, just to hear it once more.

Ever had a song stuck in your head? Of course you have, if you lived under a rock you’d be a pancake person. Say it was from the radio, maybe a commercial on TV, or in a store or shopping center. If from one of those sources, then you have experienced one of the most annoying aspects about having ears. Radio stations, TV commercials, and stores mostly all get their music from the same place: the top of the charts. “What charts?” you may be saying to your computer screen. Well lonely person, the charts I am talking about in this context represent song, album, and artist popularity/sales. As common sense would tell you, the most popular songs/albums/artists rise to the top of the charts where the green flows. From there, it’s all corruption and Illuminati, but I won’t go any further into the topic for the sake of both of our lives. I will, however, delve deeper into a topic relevant to the “corruption” of the music industry, just for you, friend.

Assuming again that you are not Patrick Star, a pancake person, or any other thing that lives under a rock, you have heard of the largely controversial difference in music genre between current and past generations. Now, reader, are you a “Today’s music is shite! Kill Nicki Minaj!” person, or a “BABY, BABY, BABY OOOOOOH!” enthusiast? Didn’t get the reference? How about this: would you rather speed through space on a flying carpet while enjoying the view of an endlessly growing universe, or gauge out your eardrums with rusted sundae spoons? Yes, you have finally found out what the author here is trying to convey. I would not place myself under the radical majority that prays for the end of Nicki Mina—Yes I would.

Obviously, with everything that is going on in the world today (absolutely nothing) being so much different than the twentieth century (walk outside and you’d have a story to tell your kids), we all need something to bring back the excitement that will bring on faster heart beats and high cholesterol like whatever did before. Why is the world so inactive today? What are music artists now using to bring back the beat? Technology. Although making millions upon millions of tasks all the more easier with the click of the mouse and the tacka-tacka of a few keys, it has changed the world of music in a way like nothing has before. There are songs with beeps and boops, beats and loops that artists jump through hoops to perfect. Taking their time, putting soul and passion into their work. Such great techno artists came out of this new generation of music in the way they had hoped (most though still hidden in the depths of YouTube and iTunes) by putting the effort, patience, and skill into the sound. Then there’s the freeloaders at the back of the bus, the artists who use and abuse technology and its benefits to gain undeserved popularity. These artists, the back-of-the-bus, freeloading “cool kids”, are the ones who are, you guessed it, at the top of the charts.

Confusion might arise when the term “freeloading” is used to describe such popular and best-selling artists. Did they not put a great amount of time and effort in to gain the iPod memory of such a vast amount of fans? This is where the idea of almost-corruption comes into play. As said before, music can be anything from the repetitive tapping of a hand to butt slapping. Falling under the category of “anything” is something called auto-tune. Auto-tuning is a recently invented perk of digital recording software that allows an artist to change the tone and pitch and even the note of which they are singing in whatever song they record. Unfortunately, now used by the masses of music producers, it has been abused more than your old pair of Chuck Taylors. Almost every top song on the charts has this element implemented somewhere in the song to adjust the talent of the artist. Yes, it is now possible to adjust one’s talent. What kind of a time do we live in where one can do such a thing? The 21st century.

Because of this new innovation of sound, almost anything and anyone can sound good. Every day, there is a new influx of wannabe pop stars posting songs on YouTube or other music media sites singing irrationally worse than the stars they aspire to be. Really, it’s unreasonably bad, why is this on the internet? The sad thing is, with the “auto”-tuning of their voice and pitch they can sound almost identical to Nicki or Carly Rae Jepson or another squeaky fluke of a human being. No effort, no talent, drowning out those truly gifted and entertaining with the sounds of a robot-cow farm.

A robot-cow farm, I don’t even know how that would sound, but I know it is loud, obnoxious, and in-your-face. Just what music producers put out today and hit the top with. It may not be what you want, but it’s what the bored, iPhone-addicted young generation wants. An in-your-face techno beat with heavy bass, fast changes in rhythm, and lyrics that make no sense but arouse curiosity. It excites them, and gives an uppity feeling that leaves them wanting more of the same. That explains why all music being released now sounds the same when there is a whole world of new sounds we have yet to discover out there.

You might be saying, “But author, how can you say all this music is so horrible when you don’t even back up your argument with why you enjoy previous generations’ music?” Did I say you could ask questions? No, be quiet and let me get to that.

I find myself a little different than most people in terms of what I listen to. There is a range of music genre’s that I find myself listening to on a daily basis, such as alternative rock, hip-hop, punk rock, indie, reggae, third-wave ska, electronic, metal, and many, many more. Although I do have a couple Top of the Poppers albums, I cannot say I like what the definition of “pop” has morphed into. It has turned into a genre of fake voices, and a genre where the untalented become glorified and immortalized. This is the reason for my hatred of the genre. Some of the tunes may be bearable (many are NOT, do not be fooled), I cannot stand to see the reward of fame be given to those undeserving. In past generations, music was a struggle, an employer, a way of life. Before technology, when talent was needed, when you needed extreme talent on the guitar to be in a rock band, or an extremely good voice to be given a compliment. Instruments and vocal chords were actually used in the process of making some of the greatest hits. Everything has changed. Was it technology? Was it just a seasonal change? Whatever the answer, any band of the 80’s, no matter what they sounded like, was better than Drake, Nicki, Kanye West or any other flesh puppet whose only purpose is to move their lips and smile for cameras. It seems bands are becoming invisible, nonexistent even.

To bring things to closure, I do not recommend turning on the radio, watching TV, or going to the mall until anything other than the crappy pop they blare on repeat from the top positions on the charts. Not only because it is bad music, but the creators of such garbage don’t put in enough effort and time to get the massive popularity they wake up to every morning. Maybe someday little kids will grow up, hopefully fast. Until there is a time machine, just do your best to avoid this rubbish for the sake of your own sanity. There is plenty of other good music out there, good music is limitless. But to those at the top of the charts, music is limitless, to an extent.