Coles corporation has today rushed out a new advertising campaign, highlighting the low, low prices of staff at their local stores.

“Every staff member’s wages are slashed!” announced a bouncy member of Aunty Donna through a pained smile while carrying a giant oversized hand, “Down down, wages are down!”

However, not to be outdone, the Woolworths corporation have hit back at Coles with their own campaign, featuring celebrity chef George Calombaris, espousing the benefits of underpaying staff. “There’s nothing I like more than a good money saver,” says Calombaris. “That’s why I always make sure I ask my bookkeeper to find at least 20% savings on everything I pay for, from ingredients, to utensils, to staff members.”