THE UK is slowly waking up to the fact that, in the face of an oncoming world catastrophe, it has chosen to put a d*ckhead in charge.

As the coronavirus spreads across Europe to become a pandemic, Britons have realised that we are in the grips of a genuine global crisis and a tousle-haired shagabout clown will be handling it.

Nathan Muir of Mansfield said: “In fairness to us, we didn’t know this was coming. But now there’s a genuine world-changing event on the horizon it feels a bit like George W Bush on September 11th.

“You know exactly what Boris will do. Nothing, because he assumes nothing bad could ever happen because he’s posh, then he’ll overreact and declare curfews and martial law and make everything much worse.

“He’ll ship the Royals to the Shetlands, close the NHS because it’s costing too much, blame the coronavirus for ‘not respecting Brexit’ and finally announce a slimmed-down Britain is open for business and kick the pandemic off again.

“Is the worst possible person in charge at the worst possible time? And is that my fault? Well, maybe.”

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn said: “This virus is a CIA superweapon. We should be welcoming refugees from China and expelling all Americans.”