Ten Things Every Wife Wishes Her Husband Knew About Sex, But Doesn’t Know Quite How To Tell Him

Source: https://missionwife.wordpress.com/2012/08/05/10-things-sex/

5 Aug

I am so excited to share a guest post with you all today. It’s written by my

hubby who blogs over at mission:wife (If you ever read her blog, which is a

great resource for us husbands, it’s like free access into our girls’ minds,

you’ll know her posts are longer than mine, but worth it!). Gerad and I were

having a discussion along the lines of this post and I said, “Hey, wanna write

a guest post?” She gladly agreed, so, without further ado, here’s Gerad.

I get a lot of emails from Husbands wanting to “get inside the heads” of their

wives when it comes to how she acts, and reacts about sex. I realize all wives

are different, and some prefer some things over others, but overall, I feel

that there are a lot of husbands out there who REALLY WANT to make their sex

life with their wife what God intended it to be, but sometimes get frustrated

by not understanding why she’s always asking for sex, even when they just had

it, or what she means when she says things like “I just want you to want me”.

So it’s for this reason, I decided to write this post. It’s not to make

husbands feel inadequate, or bad about what they’re not doing right, but rather

to let you inside a girls head for a little bit, and help you understand where

your wife is coming from when she is think about all things sexual. I think a

lot of the problems that arise in a couple’s sex life, start with a lack of

communication/understanding on both sides, on how a woman and man view sex in

totally different ways. Finding and understanding those differences are the

first step to having and maintaining healthy, passionate, and incredibly

fulfilling sex life. Make sense so far?

Ok, if you’re ready, here are 10 things (in no particular order) that wives

wish their husbands knew about sex:

1. Sex is not optional in her mind - To a wife, sex is about right up

there on the list with eating and breathing. Can she survive without

it? Yes, but it’s not fun at all. Sex is to the woman, what talking/

communication is to the man. If you would ask several husbands if it

would be ok if their wife didn’t listen or communicate with them for

weeks at a time – well, you get the idea. Frequent sex = happy,

attentive, listening, cuddling, caring, talking wife.

2. Wives use sex to reconnect – Think of it this way: Let’s use the

example of a cordless phone (bear with me here). Let’s say the wife is

the cordless handset, and the husband is the base. The handset may hold

a charge for a while off the base, maybe even for a couple of days. But

sooner or later, the handset is going to have to be recharged/

reconnected to the base to keep the battery charged, the programming

updated, and the phone usable. When your wife comes home from a long

day at work, and the first thing on her mind is sex, it’s not that

she’s some sort of sex addict, it’s just her longing to “return to her

base” and reconnect with her husband in a “I’ve had a long day, and I

need assurance that no matter how hard life gets, you and I are ok”

way.

3. She doesn’t always want to be the one asking - Most wives are fine with

being the “sexual aggressor” most of the time, but if she is ALWAYS the

one that is trying to start something, she starts to feel like you just

“put up with her”, and don’t really care about sex. Every wife’s

fantasy is to be sitting there on the couch, watching TV or whatever,

and have her husband come over out of nowhere (obviously the kids

aren’t around), straddle her, and start going at it. She wants to know

that her husband DESIRES her sexually, not just PUTS UP WITH HER

sexually. This is a huge boost to her self-esteem and overall

confidence.

4. She thinks you’re GORGEOUS, and you can’t change that – It doesn’t

matter how you feel about that left over baby fat, or how you cringe

when you look in the mirror and see those stretch marks – your wife

couldn’t care less! She thinks you’re the most beautiful man on the

face of the earth, and even when she tells you this, you dismiss it,

and say stuff like “thanks hon, but I don’t think so”, or “well, you

may feel that way, but nobody else does”. Please don’t do this! Your

wife isn’t trying to “put you on” by telling your she thinks your body

is amazing - she truly thinks it is! You have to learn to accept the

compliment as her being honest, and say thank you, instead of trying to

play it off. And that leads me to my next point…

5. Sometimes she just wants to look at you NAKED – I can already see you

rolling your eyes, but hear me out. If you wife is working hard to

avert her eyes from every other sexual source besides her husband, not

viewing any porn, not checking out the guy on the billboard, etc - she

has a God-given need/desire/appetite to admire her husband’s naked

body. I know this may seem strange to you, but it’s true. So, when

you’re getting dressed in the morning, or ready for bed at night, don’t

try to position yourself so she can’t see those parts of you. It’s ok!

She’s not going to attack you and want to have sex (as long as you have

a regular sex life), she just wants to appreciate your beauty for a

little bit! Remember, you are her only sexual source! Wouldn’t you

rather have her looking at you, then some billboard model? I’ve heard a

lot of husbands say that they are scared if they allow their wives to

see them nude, they will want to have sex right that minute. If it’s

been a week since you’ve made love, this may be true, but if you have

sex regularly, sometimes it’s nice for her to just be able to admire

what she thinks is the most amazing body she has ever seen. So linger a

little while when you bend over to pick up your socks off the floor, or

let your robe “accidentally” fall open a little when she walks by. Not

only will she love it, but you just might find yourself thinking about

sex a little more during the day, leading to a greater chance of you

desiring intimacy later that night.

6. She loves it when you surprise her - By this I mean do something

totally out of the ordinary, just for her benefit, and to see the look

on her face. A few examples would be: Going out to dinner, and while

you’re waiting for the waitress to seat you, lean over and whisper in

her ear “You won’t have to take my panties off later when we get home,

because I’m not wearing any”. Or after the kids go to bed and you’re

going to curl up and watch a movie together, go into your room to “get

your PJ’s on” and come back out with no top on, telling her you’re

going to need her help keeping warm, because somebody told you it was

“topless movie night”. Once you pick her jaw up off the floor, you

might just find she isn’t paying much attention to the movie anymore.

Another one would be to surprise her when she is taking a shower by

jumping in the shower with her that “you’re having a hard time using

your hands this morning, so she is going to have to help soap you up

today.” I’ve heard several husbands say that they love to see the look

on their wife’s face when they surprise her like that. You’ll have your

wife wondering what’s gotten into you!

7. If you have to say “no” to sex, watch how you say it - I know it seems

silly, but you have no idea how hard it is sometimes, for a woman to

get up the nerve to ask her husband if he wants to have sex. Usually

she will try to “test the waters” first, by hinting at it, or maybe a

little grab here and there, to see how you’ll respond. All this time

there is a little argument going on in her head sounding something like

this - “Just ask him! No, last time I asked him flat-out, he rolled him

eyes and said something about that’s all I think about. Yeah, but this

time it might work. Come on, I really want to make love. Can’t he see

that? Maybe I’ll ask him later after dinner. Yeah, I’ll help with the

kids and the dishes, and then ask later. (fast forward to 7pm) Ok, see,

I got the dishes done, maybe I should hint at it now. Nah, I’ll wait

until the kids go to bed. As soon as the kids go to bed, he’ll be able

to think about me. He has to know it’s been a couple of days, I’m sure

he’ll be ok with it. Right? (The kids go to bed) Ok, I think I’ll ask

now! Wait, he looks like he’s got something going there on the

computer, I’ll give him some time to get that done. I’ll just ask him

when we go to bed, it will be more of a sure bet then anyway. (10pm

rolls around, and they’re crawling into bed) Ok, I’m going to ask! “hey

hon, do you want to make love?” This is how it goes in a girl’s head

when she’s thinking about asking for sex. Why? Because girls have this

strange tendency to make sexual rejection (even with a good reason), a

personal rejection. Since the need for regular sex with her husband is

so much a part of who she is, any rejection of that need, feels like a

rejection of HER to your wife. I know this is hard to understand, and

husbands don’t mean it that way, but this goes for almost every wife I

have ever talked to. Now obviously there are times when you are going

to have to say “not tonight hon”, but the key is HOW YOU SAY IT. Don’t

do it in a nonchalant or dismissing way. Remember, she has been working

up the nerve to ask you for the past several hours most times. When you

deny her, say something like this – “Hon, I love to have sex with you,

but I just can’t do it tonight because (fill in the blank)” Then if

she’s really pent-up, you could offer to help her out in another way

besides intercourse, or give her a realistic date to “get a rain

check”, like tomorrow morning, or the next evening. That way she feels

like you understand she has a legitimate need, she feels like you care,

and she feels like you want to help her as soon as possible. You’re

still saying “not tonight”, but she doesn’t feel like you don’t care,

you’re just blowing her off, or that you think sex is not important.

One other thing – sometimes if your wife has been thinking about you

all day, and then for whatever reason, you have to turn her down that

night, she may feel like she “can’t wait” until tomorrow (no fault of

yours , sometimes it’s just hard to turn it off, after it’s on). If you

roll over and offer her your help to get a quick release before you go

to sleep, she will sleep much better, and you’ll be a hero in your

wife’s eyes. You just showed her that you care, even if you can’t offer

her sex right now. I can’t understate how much this will mean to her.

8. She LOVES to see you turned on – There is nothing quite as sexy to a

wife, as seeing her husband thoroughly turned on, and enjoying sex. In

the same way, there’s nothing quite as discouraging to a wife, as you

laying there with an almost bored look on your face, and with the

attitude of “would you just get it over with please, so I can go to

sleep”. To your wife, her ability to arouse, stimulate, tease, drive

you crazy with desire, and help you climax, is a huge part of what she

feels her “worth” is as a wife. If she feels like she is failing in

bed, she is going to be discouraged in other areas of life too. In

contrast, if she feels her husband thinks she’s amazing in the bedroom,

she is going to be much more confident and have a “I can conquer the

world” attitude. You can help this by showing and telling her (not in a

faking it way) how much she turns you on, or makes you feel good, as

you’re making love. Obviously she’s not going to do everything right,

but make sure you let her know when she DOES hit the right spot, or do

something you find particularly hot. Now I’ve heard husbands ask the

question “but what about the times that I’m not really into it, but am

doing it because I love my wife, and know she needs it tonight?” Wives

understand you’re not going to have the same drive for sex that she has

every time. She gets that. All she’s hoping for when this is the case,

and you’re just giving her a “quickie” for release, is to not make her

feel like she’s annoying for wanting it, or that she interrupting your

day and you have so many other things you could be doing. She needs

feel accepted by you, even when you’re not particularly into it this

time. Smile and give her that “come here baby, I know you need it and

I’m here for you” attitude. Whispering a little encouragement in her

ear in the process is a huge bonus too. ;)

9. She wants sex to be adventurous sometimes - I’ve gotten the question

from wives “how do I get my husband to be a little more adventurous

with sex? (different locations, positions, etc)” Here’s the deal -

there are 3 basic “kinds” of sex for a girl. There’s what we like to

call the “normal” or “go to” sex (mostly in the bedroom, consisting of

what we know always works, and satisfies both parties), there’s

“Quickie sex” (a quick but passionate encounter that provides release

when a longer session isn’t realistic at the time), and there’s “out of

the ordinary” or “adventurous” sex (sex in a not normal location

(outside, back of the mini van, etc), or learning a different technique

or position that may be out of the “normal sexual menu” for the

couple). This is usually a tough one for husbands to understand,

because I think for the most part I think a man approaches sex with a

“I like to stick to what works, and what is comfortable” , where a

girl’s attitude may be more “I like normal most of the time, but

sometimes I want to make it exciting and try new places”. While I’m not

suggesting you go make love in the city park and get arrested, what I

am saying is to try to understand where your wife is coming from. She

sometimes sees sex as an adventure that you both are going on together.

She wants you to be excited/thrilled to be on this adventure with her.

For example, say you are taking a hike through the woods together

somewhere, and when you stop for a break, she makes a move toward

turning it sexual. Try and resist the urge to slap her hand away and

say “honey! not here!” Even if you’re not comfortable with right here,

right now, see if you can find another location down the trail where

you would be. Remember, adventure! :) Even if it’s not exactly what you

would have fantasized, you will have just made your wife’s day, and

maybe even year. She’ll be talking to you about “that day we went

hiking” for years to come!

10. Be a student of your wife - I addressed this a little for the girls in

my post “Sex: It’s not all about you”, but the same goes for the

husbands. Learn and observe what you wife likes in the bedroom (or

out…lol). What color of panties/bra does she like best on you? What

parts of your body drives her most wild? What turns her on the most?

What turns her off? Does like it when you’re express yourself loudly

when you have sex? What is her favorite position/location? A husband

who is willing to learn the ins and outs of what him wife likes most

when it comes to sex, will have one of the happiest wives on earth.

11. (I know I said 10, but I guess I can’t count) She loves it when you

sexually flirt with her - Whether it’s the “for her eyes only” text you

send her during the workday, suggesting what you’re going to do later,

or the surprise little “grab” you give her when she’s helping you dry

the dishes after dinner, flirting with your wife this way let’s her

know you desire her, and are thinking about the next time you are going

to be together. Little things like wearing cute panties, or a skirt

(there’s something about a skirt that drives most wives wild) with some

sexy underwear underneath, go a long way in letting your wife know that

you love being her only source of sexual attention, and get a kick out

of keeping her guessing with what you’re going to come up with next. I

know it’s easy to go into “mommy mode” and just wear what’s comfortable

/practical, but when you remember, it drives your wife wild if you give

her a little “eye candy” when possible.

Whew! You made it through! I know, I know, us girls are a little weird. :) We

prefer to call it “different”, but hopefully you come away from reading this

post with a new understanding of how your wife thinks about sex. Most of all,

your wife is longing to be accepted by you in this area. She wants to know that

even though you may not understand her seemingly constant desire for you, you

accept it as part of who she is, and are not only willing, but love helping her

in the way that only her amazing, beautiful husband can.

If you as a husband can make it a priority to do some of this stuff on even a

semi-regular basis, your wife will be willing to conquer the world for you, and

will be more than willing to be there for you emotionally, be strangely