Hasbro Introduces New 'My Butti' Pete Buttigieg Doll

PAWTUCKET, RI—Hasbro has announced a new doll for boys based on the popular boy-faced presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg (BOOT-EDGE-EDGE). Picking up where they left off with the popular "My Buddy" dolls of 1985—a revolutionary doll designed for boys who, up to that point only enjoyed scenes of murder—will be called "My Butti" (BOOT-EE).

The My Butti doll will teach boys to engage with their softer side and embrace things like socialized medicine, open borders, high taxes, and late-term abortions. Hasbro has partnered with the DNC to make sure the doll stays up to date and never strays from the current platform, even if that means throwing a few friends under the bus.

Hasbro's commercial will feature a catchy song sung by children as images of the doll flash across the screen. These are the lyrics:

"My Butti, My Butti,

Wherever I go, he goes.

My Butti, My Butti,

Apparently he was a mayor or something in some town.

My Butti and me,

We like to give premature victory speeches.

My Butti and me,

He's sort of like a puppet or an NPC.

My Butti, My Butti,

My Butti and Me!"

My Butti dolls hit store shelves next week and come with a red baseball cap, a heavily edited Bible, and 250,000 pages of proposed new laws. Also, in the spirit of diversity, you can get the doll in various skin tones from "peaches n' cream" to "sun-starved albino."

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