Hi, I’m Mary, and this is my column no one asked for about things I like!

My tired fucking face

Lately, I’ve been looking at myself in the mirror and thinking, “Wow, I look tired.” After having that thought many, many months in a row, I finally realized this is just my face now. I have a tired face, which is so depressing because I’m only 17.

Now more than ever, I need to take care of my fucking face, and one line of products that makes me feel like I’m doing just that is Acure Organics. It all began innocently enough a few years ago when I decided I had to switch to all-natural, mostly organic products, a process which I’ve documented in this space many times before. I stumbled upon Acure when I was looking for an all-natural face wash (they recently went through a rebranding so their products have changed a little, but I’m currently using this one.) At that point, I’d been using Cetaphil for decades. It was what my mom used, and she used it because her dermatologist recommended it, and I went to the same dermatologist, so Cetaphil was thrust upon me along with the knowledge that I will almost certainly get skin cancer one day.

I remember trying different face washes once or twice after I got my driver’s license, when I would often drive to the local Rite Aid just to have something to do. (There was not a lot going on in my rural hometown. In high school, our hang out spot was the parking lot of one of the two gas stations in town. We’d park our cars next to each other and fuckin’ party JK we’d listen to Outkast and talk about how we had nothing to do.) I’d wander the aisles aimlessly, picking up things I’d seen advertised on television, usually in commercials starring Jennifer Love Hewitt. Aside from those few experiments with sexy brands like Neutrogena, however, I stuck to Cetaphil, alternating between the oily and sensitive skin formulas.

When I decided to make a major life change and go all-natural, I realized it was time to stop using a face wash I bought at the drugstore. Instead, it was time to start buying face wash on Amazon, that totally trustworthy behemoth of corporate culture that unfortunately is the easiest and cheapest place to buy pretty much anything.

I’m not sure why I decided on Acure, although it probably had a lot to do with the low price point, especially compared to other organic products. Short story long, I bought it and I liked it. It foams up nicely and leaves skin nice and clean and clear without totally drying it out. I liked it so much, I bought the face scrub, which I use about once a week and love. Eventually, I bought their shampoo, which is great, although I don’t use it often because I have…um…scalp issues (gulp). But things between me and Acure really heated up when I bought their night cream.

To be perfectly blunt, my tired face loves this shit. It smells good, it’s affordable, it’s super hydrating and while the jury’s out on whether or not it’ll keep me looking 17 forever, I certainly haven’t aged at all in the few years I’ve been using it (right???). At this point, I’ve tried a wide enough variety of Acure products that I’d confidently recommend their entire line to anyone. As I’ve mentioned a few times already, this stuff is so affordable. It’s comparable in price to drugstore brands, but without all those harsh chemicals, so you can feel good about using it. I realize I may not be as sexy of a spokeswoman as Jennifer Love Hewitt (she has two things I don’t: big tits), but I am more reliable than she is because I’m not getting paid TV commercial money for this. Or any money. Somebody please give me money.

As always, I’d like to clarify that this is NOT a sponsored post. I received nothing for it and am pretty sure no one cares about my fucking face wash journey. Still, if anyone is reading and ever wants to give me literally anything for free, whether or not it’s from Acure Organics, I WILL TAKE IT!!!!!!

Anyway, I hope this was helpful. I’ll be back with more unsolicited recommendations soon!