Yahweh “considered stepping down” over Thatcher Admission Furore

In a shocking turn of events, following the controversial decision not to send former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher to the eternal fires of hell last week, it’s been revealed by the Department of Admissions that “right up to the 11th hour” Jesus, Mary and Joseph were locked in negotiations with God, desperately pleading with the 13.7 billion year old deity not to quit his role as the absolute standard of universal morality.

The Paradise Gazette exclusively revealed last week that Thatcher, the outspoken critic of all that is good and holy, was to be given permanent leave to remain behind the pearly gates on a controversial legal loophole, known as Khomeini’s Law, named after the Iranian Ayatollah’s shocking 1989 deathbed conversion to Christianity.

“The boss was beating his desk and yelling ‘No! No! No!’, which caused several hundred deaths by earthquake! I’m just thankful it was in a country where they worship the wrong God”, said one senior management insider, on condition of anonymity.

In a brief statement, Yahweh’s head of communications T. H. Ghost said, “Our Father held urgent talks with senior management last week, following their decision to invoke Khomeini’s Law in a case brought before the Admission Appeals Panel, following the earthly death of Mrs. Thatcher.”

When asked if Yahweh threatened to overrule the panel, whose chief executives earn over thirty pieces of silver a year, Mr. Ghost remained vague; adding “The Department of Admissions remain committed to providing a high quality service.”

But pressure is mounting tonight, after protestors in Limbo sent a seven trillion signature petition to Mother Theresa’s department of Saints, Clouds, Harps and Virgins, pleading with her to lobby members of the lower house of representatives, and overturn the Admissions panel ruling on the Thatcher case.

“Everyone knows there’s a special place for her in hell”, said one campaigner; adding “To move the goalposts now just makes a mockery of the whole system. I’ve been on the cloud waiting list for 30 years, ever since that woman closed the hospital I was supposed to have a heart operation in. To find out now that she’s been fast-tracked, just because she had a terrifying moment of deathbed clarity, just rubs salt in the wound.”

Meanwhile, Thatcher is said to be “settling in nicely” to her new home, as she prepares for her first public appearance next month, at the much anticipated casting out ceremony for Daily Mail columnist Richard Littlejohn.