Today, the role of full-fledged fuckery will be played this story from TMZ. Below are the series of events that led my face to make the same look Katt Williams is making in the picture above. Love is killed and made in the parking lot of a Jack-in-the-Box and now here’s proof of that.

– On June 24th, Katt Williams’ tour bus pulled into a Jack-in-the-Box in Williams, Arizona. At about the same time, Lester, the retired police dog on the left, got away from his owners during a walk and ran towards the tour bus. Whatever it was (examples: mistaking Katt’s hair for two beaver tails, trying to find the crack on the bus, etc….), something made Lester get Cujo-ey and he bit at Katt’s bodyguard twice. Katt’s bodyguard fought back by shooting Lester dead.

– Katt came running out of the bus, looked at Lester’s dead body and told the dog’s owners that he will definitely fire a pink slip into his bodyguard’s chest for doing that shit.

– Katt then told Lester’s owners to wait and he went inside of the bus for a few minutes. When he came out, he magically had a Mastiff puppy in his arms and gave it to the family as an apology gift for sending their dog Lester on a one-way ticket to heaven. Lester’s family took the puppy. Why do I have a feeling that Katt randomly carries around spare Mastiff puppies for occasions like this?

– Sad faces quickly turned into happy faces and Lester’s family asked Katt to pose in a picture with them and their new Mastiff puppy named Bella. Lester’s family tells TMZ that they are glad Katt took responsibility for killing their dog and they will never go back to Jack-in-the-Box again. You know, because Jack-in-the-Box is the reason why their dog Lester got shot up.

– The police showed up, interviewed everybody involved and left without pressing charges against Katt’s bodyguard.

How many times did you make a scratch under WTF while reading this mess of a story? I count 6 at least. Something in the crack pipe definitely got smoked. I know the facts aren’t completely there, but I’m still going to declare this as the most adorable yet tragic drug deal gone wrong ever.