When asked about extraterrestrials in an interview with The Conway Daily Sun in New Hampshire last year, Mrs. Clinton promised to "get to the bottom of it." "I think we may have been" visited already, she said in the interview. "We don't know for sure." —the Times.

Small Gray

Once, when I was reading a book at my home in Chappaqua, a small gray figure appeared in front of me. At first, I was alarmed. Then the figure spoke, and said that it would support me in the election. I thanked it. But when I asked for its e-mail address, so I could send it fund-raising e-mails, it suddenly disappeared.

Electronic Apparition

I was on vacation with Bill in southern Nevada a few years ago, and we happened to drive by Area 51. I was looking at the base, when an enormous ball of static energy came down from the sky and hovered in front of our R.V. Bill got out and tried to appeal to it by saying that he had done a lot for enormous balls of static energy during his time as President. It looked unconvinced, but it said it would support me in the election.

Tall Gray

I was at home drinking a glass of hot sauce when a tall gray cloud began to seep in from under a door. I was surprised, because I'd never seen anyone enter a room that way. A glass of hot sauce materialized in the tall gray cloud's hand (it had hands) and it clinked my glass, and said that it would support me in the election.

College Alien

I was giving a speech at a university earlier this year. After the speech, I took questions from students. A young alien put up its hand (it had hands) and said that it was supporting something called Bernie Sanders in the primary. It seemed like no one else in the room was surprised by the presence of this alien, so I assumed that it was a millennial thing and played it cool. The alien said that if Bernie Sanders didn't win in the primary, it would support me in the general election.

Flat Eyeball

I was lying in bed, thinking about the election and trying to fall asleep, when a two-dimensional eyeball drifted into my field of vision. To be honest, I was tired and not in the mood to be visited by an alien at that time of night, so I told it to go away. It wouldn't, though, so I've just become accustomed to sleeping under a flat eyeball. It hasn't told me whether or not it will support me in the election.

Fifty-Million-Headed Alien

I was brushing my teeth when I saw something strange in the mirror—Bill brushing his teeth with the exact same rhythm as me. I told him he was being weird, and he said, "If you think that's weird, you should look over there at that alien with fifty million heads." I did, and, true enough, there it was. I was pretty used to meeting aliens at this point, so I shook its hand (it had hands, but only two) and asked how it had found its way into our bathroom. It said it wasn't sure. We stood in silence for a few minutes, and then I asked if it was registered to vote as fifty million separate beings or just one. It said that it wasn't sure about that, either, but that it would support me in the election in the best way it could.

Orange Thing

I was on the campaign trail when I met an alien with a square orange head that had a mess of thin tentacles coming out of it. When it spoke, it made noises that sounded like a hydraulic pump pushing air through a blocked duct. I shook its hand. (It had hands, but they were very small.) I asked if it would support me in the election, and it said that it couldn't because it was running for President, too.