(Picture: Ph?be Lou Morson for Metro.co.uk)

You will get to an age where your friends will start having babies.

It will likely come out of nowhere. You will have no warning. One day you’re all in the club, shotting tequila and scream-singing Rihanna, the next thing you know – half of you are breastfeeding.

It’s a jolt when you suddenly realise the shift in to real, proper adulthood has really begun. And it can trigger all sorts of fears and insecurities for those of us who still feel very far away from the realms of motherhood.

Will our friendships survive? Why is everyone more grown up than me? Who or what is a lactation massager?




Arguably, (not arguably), it is an even bigger jolt for the new mum.

Regardless of whether the baby was planned or unexpected, having your first child is a joy unlike any other, but it is also overwhelming, completely disorientating and utterly terrifying.

New mums need supportive, helpful, understanding friends around them to let them know that they aren’t alone in this – and to remind them that their old life hasn’t disappeared, it has just changed.

If you’re that clueless pal who has never changed a nappy and is secretly scared you will drop the baby, then you might want to take note.

We spoke to two new mums to find out exactly what they needed from their friends after having their first child.

Listening to their advice could help your friendship flourish during this big life change – rather than allowing you to drift apart.

Hannah, 30, had baby Finley 13 months ago.

‘The hardest part is that it is the biggest change that you ever face and no one can prepare you for it,’ she tells Metro.co.uk.

Hannah and little Finley (Picture: Hannah Wilkinson/Metro.co.uk)

‘Other mums won’t tell you everything because they won’t want to sh*t on your future parade, but it is bloody hard and every single aspect of your life, emotional state and body, changes.

‘It is absolutely the best thing in the world to happen to me and every single day I love Finley more, but for about the first six months, I felt lost, frightened, a failure and like I just couldn’t do it.

‘I suspect I was bordering on needing some medication because I had such horrific anxiety and I was so lucky to have amazing friends.

‘Friends who are also mummys are great because they can help with the practical stuff and you can text them during 3 am feeds. But your “old friends” help to remind you who you are.

‘To see them so excited to meet my little boy was literally the best thing. My friends from university – we call ourselves the Rutland Rangers – are like cheerleaders and definitely what I needed on my bad days!’

How to help a new mum 1. Don’t ever say you are tired to a new mum (not for the first three months at least). 2. If you go to visit, take food – not food for you to eat, but a meal for the mum and dad to have. 3. Whilst visiting, offer to watch the baby so they can do jobs, or alternatively, do jobs for them. 4. Keep reminding them that they can join in the partying again in a few months. It is so sad when your friends leave and you are left on your own, holding the baby. 5. Send them funny, non-baby-related stories. They still need to feel connected to “normal life” when they are stuck in cluster feeding hell. 6. Accept that you will be inundated with baby spam – but don’t worry, they will be so excited to see yours if and when they arrive in the future. 7. Keep telling them they are doing an amazing job. 8. Be ready to rub their back when they vomit after their first post-baby night out. Hannah

Helen, 29, had little Hayden just three months ago.



‘Being a mum is hands-down the best thing I have ever done, but nothing prepares you for how hard it will be. That’s where your friends come in,’ Helen tells us.

Helen with Hayden (Picture: Gemma Keir/Metro.co.uk)

‘Pregnancy starts preparing you for the changes in your relationships. You can’t drink anymore, can’t make that 30th birthday trip to Vegas, can’t wear your little black dress, can’t eat all the cheese or have a conversation without hearing a birthing horror story.

‘When baby first came I struggled that friends hadn’t rang or couldn’t visit. Probably because they didn’t want to bother me and live miles away but it is a very isolating time and there’s only so much family you can take.

‘Your body changes, you feel anxious about going out the house and you’re absolutely knackered. Add to that the feeling that your friends now think you’re boring. Oh, and you have absolutely no idea what you’re doing!

‘You need your friends so much during this time. Especially at 3am. You never know, they might be in a club.’

‘It’s a balance of maintaining your old relationships, but acknowledging that they will change, and that you have changed. You need your friends to show a genuine interest in your child, but also to still tell you about their sex lives.

‘I’m lucky, my girlfriends are my cheerleaders. All you need is the odd “you got this momma”; an Instagram like; the offer of “if you ever want to talk”, (even though you’ll never take them up on it) and a cup of tea if they come over.’


New mums don’t need much from their friends practically, but they need to know that you’re there.

A phone call or a Whatsapp message will go a long way in helping battle against the isolation.

You can’t truly understand what it feels like until you do it – until you actually pop one out of your own. But that doesn’t mean you can’t listen and do everything in your power to try and empathise.

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