Ladies and gentlemen, this is Rambo – number five

One, two, three, four, five

If you harm Rambo’s niece you won’t stay alive

When the drug lords come from south the border

They think they can take John Rambo

But ain’t ready for the slaughter

Living life on a quiet farm

Rambo makes sure his family comes to no harm

But when his niece wants to see her dad in Mexico

Rambo pleads with her cos he really wants her not to go

So what does she do? Of course she heads southward

But her dad says go away so she heads to a club

Where she drinks spiked drink and is taken by the mob

A little bit of slashing with a knife

A little bit of gunplay, take a life

A dumbly MAGA view of Mexico

Across the border, easy come and go.

Drugs and sex, bad guys don’t care.

Manage to take Rambo unaware

A little bit of flashback to Vietnam

Makes John a dangerous, crazy man

Rambo Number Five

Quality’s up and down through the franchise

To stop at number four

Would have been really wise

But here we are

A fifth movie

Some of the acting wooden as a tree

But the last half hour – is what you came to see

And if you like violence, you’ll cackle with glee

A little bit of amped-up Home Alone

A little bit of viscera and bone

A little bit the end of Hobbs & Shaw

When angry Rambo goes to war

Arbitrarily bilingual

You won’t care for dialogue at all

Sly’s old and thinning pate of hair

Can’t excuse this Trumpian nightmare

Rambo Number Five

It gives me no pleasure to say

That maybe John Rambo’s had his day

This film is easily worst of the lot

Although it’s got not too bad a plot

It just needed some more energy

And a script polish or three

Some of the action’s pretty great

But by that point it’s far too late

It time to let go of the guy called John Rambo

I hope Sly doesn’t feel the need

For a next gen spin-off just like “Creed”.

Rambo Number Five

4/10

[youtube=https://youtu.be/YPuhNtG47M0]

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