WELP. This was it, folks. This was the last moment of relative relaxation before the shit storm of the last two episodes of the season. Get ready for heartbreak, because if history has proven anything, it’s that we have NO SWEET CLUE what we’re getting into.

How are your hearts right now? Are they reeling from the realization that a Gaia / Miller heart-to-heart is everything it ever needed? Are the cracks mending from that Blake sibling chat? Is it palpitating at the thought of those Bellamy / Clarke moments? How about that Echo flashback and subsequent rescue from her new best friends? (please, that trio, forever) Is your heart breaking at the sight of Madi’s grief-stricken, quasi-possessed outburst? Does your heart care about Ryker, even a little bit? And what about the Beautiful Creepster? How does your heart feel about him? SO CONFUSED?? Yeah, that’s kinda his thing.

YOU GUYS! Ashes to Ashes put all the pieces in place for a season climax while simultaneously breaking/mending our hearts, and I am just pleased as punch / excited / scared.

Before we begin, let’s give a hearty shout-out to the writing/directing dream team; Charmaine DeGraté and Bob Morley (in his directorial debut). High-fives all around. Well done, all.

The episode opened with Madi strapped to a chair unwillingly donating some bone marrow, and NO ONE WAS HAPPY ABOUT THIS. *crying sigh* Just let this girl be happyyyyyyyyy! Anyway, she tricked Jackson into untying her hand and then attacked him a little bit. He, in a fit of awesome, got it under control, and knocked her the heck back out.

Madi had a little staff meeting with Sheidheda about how they should kill everyone. Just every single human, ever. It doesn’t matter if they’re on the same side, how dreamy they are, OR if they’re a part of a fan favourite ship (#MacksonForever). Nazgul-Madi is running this town, and ain’t NOBODY gonna hold them down!

Yes, I am still using the same joke I started in season 3. Love me for me. Anyway, Clarke and Bellamy had a pretty touching post-possession chat where they were like, “you’re the best,” – “no, YOU’RE the best,” and poor Gabriel was like, “please stop.” Then they brainstormed how to save all their pals, and Clarke suggested posing as Josephine, and Bellamy was like, “do you have the acting chops, though?” and Clarke was like, “excuse you?”

He was not into it, needless to say, considering he JUST got her back.

Echo refused to divulge the names of all the people who now know the truth about the Primes’ un-Godliness, so Russel was like, “if you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em,” and Echo was like, “you’re joining us? Wow, that was easy. Great, so first we should-”, and Russel was like, “no, YOU’RE joining US,” and Echo was like, “you really could have made that more clear.”

He’s going to turn Echo into Simone! I am uncomfortable with this idea!!

After a quick scene where the Beautiful Creepster sassed at Miller and Gaia and the walls and the air and probably all the ghosts, he was summoned for an audience with the Sanctum King.

Russel threatened Emori’s life to get the Beautiful Creepster to help him rescue Jospehine, and as an added bonus, if he succeeds, he gets to be immortal! I’m not sure how appealing that is to Murphy at this point, but he took the deal because he’d rather not see Emori brutally murdered. Fair enough!

Bellamy does not give an EFF about the people in Sanctum anymore. If war is what it’ll take to save his people, then war is what he shall reign down on those innocent, brain-washed masses (remind you of a certain season 5 dictator???)

Octavia was like, “it’s about time for our heart-to-heart,” but they were rudely interrupted by the Kids of Gabe. He spilled the beans on his secret identity, but they were disinclined to believe / follow him.

Xavier’s sister was not pumped about the fact that her brother had been mind-possessed by a Prime for the past ten years, and the rest of the Kids were bummed that Gabe turned to be such a hypocrite.

They were about to murder everyone (who HASN’T murdered everyone on this show, ammiright?), but Bellamy propositioned them with EVEN MORE murder, and the Kids were like, “colour me intrigued.”.

So they’ll build a bomb with fun-time-powder inside and set it loose in Sanctum, causing enough chaos to open the doors and then just see where the night takes them.

Before Gabe could make the psycosis-bomb he needed some psychedelic powder from a magic mushroom or something, so Octavia volunteered her and Bellamy to go, thinking they could get some sweet sibling bonding time in.

Use this guy to clean cars because dude is WISHY WASHY. He has a conscience, he doesn’t have a conscience, his conscience tells him to help the Squad, his conscience tells him to betray the Squad. Pick a lane, bro! He was all, “you’re a very cool chick and I shall make some macaroni art in your likeness, but you gots ta go,” and he gave her the nightblood booster shot.

Miller and Gaia bonding over their shared bunker-guilt is everything I never knew I always wanted. These two were Blodreina’s biggest supporters (besides Niylah, miss you girl!). They stood by her side as all the shit went down, and now they have to carry the weight of her actions as if their own.

That has to be rough, and only the two of them (and Indra, miss you girl!) know what it feels like.

That being said, I’m still not cool with everyone talking about Octavia as if everything she did was monstrous. She opened the doors of the bunker in order to save the most lives possible. She made her people become cannibals because it was the only way to survive. She killed the people who wouldn’t eat because Abby convinced her it was the right thing to do. Everything she did (minus burning the farm, that sucked) she did for her people.

A seventeen year old girl kept over 800 people alive during an impossible situation. She destroyed her own soul for their survival, and now she’s despised for it.

Miller and Gaia (and Niylah and Indra) are the people who I thought would be her support. And perhaps they still are. Perhaps they regret not disobeying Blodreina for Octavia’s own sake as much as their own. O herself was angry with Indra for going along with everything. For not stepping in. I’m hoping that’s the route Gaia and Miller’s guilt is taking. I hope they recognize her success along with her mistakes, that they made them together, and that together is how they will fix them.

I need Octavia to be recognized, not only for her growth SINCE Blodreina, but for what she accomplished AS Blodreina.

I digress.

YOU GUYS REMEMBER HOW THE 100 WERE ALL CRIMINALS???? REMEMBER THAT??? God I love this show. Nothing is forgotten. Miller began this crazy journey six seasons ago as a theif, and now those skills are coming in handy (or, one might say, handSY… heh heh… I’ll show myself out). They escape using the wire on the knife to pick the lock, and bingo bango, our heroes are on the loose!

Clarke came up with a plan to use less of the fun-time-powder so they spark an evacuation instead of a crazy-pants-murder spree. The catch (because there’s always a catch) is that plan would entail Clarke posing as Josephine to bring down the gate.

Steps have been made! Olive branches have been offered! Fences are being mended! Ice cream is being scooped! Octavia gave a passionate and compelling speech about her mistakes, her regrets, and what she’s willing to do to make it right. “I need you in my life.” It was raw, open, and vulnerable, and it got through to Bellamy in a way we haven’t seen before.

“You’re my sister. But you’re not my responsibility. Not anymore.” YES! That is how it SHOULD be! The responsibility of keeping Octavia safe should never have been placed on his shoulders in the first place, and the knowledge that she’s a burden should never have been placed on Octavia. These two have never had the chance to just be siblings. Now they do! Now they can start to form a bond that isn’t forged in responsibility and obligation. Now they can love each other the way a brother and sister are meant to. This may be the first time in their lives that they can just BE brother and sister, no overbearing strings attached.

THIS HAS PLEASED ME VERY MUCH.

Echo decided that it was high time she got some detailed backstory (THANK THE TV GODS), so she told Ryker a cute story about growing up in Iceville with her best pal. Just a typical, wholesome upbringing.

This was horrible and awesome. We saw little Echo being a sweet badass assassin-in-training who couldn’t bring herself to kill a fleeing enemy. So the Ice Queen (nice to see you again, ma’am!) told her to kill her best pal. She showed mercy and didn’t really try, and then BAM, best pal killed her!

The real Echo is dead! Our Echo is Ash! She became Echo by murdering her pal! A pal who was trying to save her sorta!

Oh man, that was GOOD. That was real, real good. More Echo please!

Anyway, then Ryker was like, “cool story, now hold still,” and he tried to give her the wipe-juice to turn her brain to mush, and both she and my heart were like, “NO THANK YOU!” I was very worried about our girl, you guys. I honestly thought they were going to take her from us. BUT THEN…

Yayyyyyy!!! The “guards” were Gaia and Miller, and they immediately set our girl free, then she immediately set Ryker free from his mortal coil.

Bye Ryker! I You were fine.

The plan was changed to spare innocent lives, and so Clarke shall walk into the belly of the immortal beast and pretend to belong. Can we take a quick sec to appreciate Octavia and Clarke agreeing on something??? And that something is NOT murdering??? Beautiful.

Then Sanctum PD showed up looking for Jo, and who should pop into the tent but the Beautiful Creepster, accompanied by Jade.

It really seemed like Murphy could tell it was really Clarke, but then he asked if Clarke was really gone this time, and my dreams were shattered. I have hope for you yet, my Beautiful Creepster!

Anyway, Clarke spared Xavier’s sister, then skedaddled back to Sanctum where she met up with and FOOLED THE SHIT OUT OF Russel.

Clarke had to pretend to be Jo telling Madi that she was gone, and MY GOOD SWEET WATERMELON THAT WAS AGONY. Poor Clarke! Poor Madi! The look on Clarke’s face when her Jo-mask dropped, the heartbreak and worry, the need to comfort that was denied…. UGGGGGHHHHH.

HOW EVEN ARE YOU??? What in the happy heck is going to happen to our beloved Adventure Squad? Will being a nightblood have any ramifications for Echo (emotional or otherwise)? What kind of tomfoolery will Madi get up to under the assumption that her Mom-Clarke is dead?? Is she going to try and kill Clarke?? Is the Beautiful Creepster going to go full-on immortal? Will their no-killing plan work FOR ONCE? How soon before Gaia, Miller and Echo share a milkshake while playing MASH??

To quote a sort-of popular movie (in some circles), we’re in the endgame, now. I am very, very pumped to see how all the moving parts of this amazing season culminates.

SOME STUFF

Madi calling him “Doctor Jackson”, was simply TOO MUCH. Just let the entire Squad be a loving family already!

Octavia is, and has always been, the biggest #Bellarke shipper of them all.

HOW IS JORDAN BRING HIM BACK PRONTO.

Eliza Taylor killing it as Clarke, then Jo, then Jo-as-Clarke, and now Clarke-as-Jo… *slow clap*

So Russel has gone almost full villain. That’s fun.

THE MOUTH GAGS!! They followed them to a whole new planet!!

Gabriel destroyed the embryos of all those future meat-sacks! THAT’S why nightbloods are rare. What a little trickster!

“Mistakes are forgivable, not learning from them isn’t.” That Gaia / Miller scene was MAGIC. More of them, please.

Murphy may be “slippery”, but he still cares about his family. His Grounderish to Echo as she was being dragged away proved that.

The props and set departments deserve a hat tip for this entire season. That mushroom patch! Holy cannoli!

DIYOZA, ARE YOU OKAY? ANSWER ME, BABE.

Speaking of, I know we’ll find out about that anomaly, but at the same time, WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THE ANOMALY TELL ME RIGHT NOW.

“For Monty.” – “For Monty.” MY HEARRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTT

Miller’s smile is my new happy place.

Don’t get mad, but I’m going back to Canada for a visit next week, so my episode 12 recap will be short. I probably shouldn’t spend 7 hours at a computer when I only have a week of auntie-ing to do.

You guys know what MASH is? Please tell me you know what MASH is.

OKAY LATER GATORS AND ALSO IN A WHILE CROCODILES

