sport, local-sport, Mitchell Pearce column, Nathan Brown

It has been an emotion-charged time for everyone at the Knights. Despite the talk out there, no-one wanted to see it unfold this way. No-one wanted it to finish the way it has. All this innuendo that the players don't care and all turned on Browny and didn't want him here and there's a "split" in the playing group - it's rubbish. There is nothing deeper going on with the boys. No-one is turning on each other or Browny. After he quit, it got as bad as it did because of all the speculation floating around out there about why. The sad part is the way we played on the weekend just escalated it. TIGERS PERFORMANCE: Like I've said, I take full responsibility for the Tigers loss as do all the boys. I was totally embarrassed about the way we played and felt guilt for what we dished up. In such a big game, to be humiliated like that was just not unacceptable and I can understand the fan fury. It's been a really stressful few days since. I'm sure it's been really tough for Browny but it's been really tough for everyone. Everyone deals with things differently and while I can't explain what happened against the Tigers, I'm not shying away from it. It's my job to lead and it's a huge lesson for me. I need to get all the boys up a lot better than I did. I didn't see it coming. It was only the week before we put 40 on the Cowboys. But some of the boys said afterwards they felt their energy levels were down. I didn't feel that but everyone is wired differently. Emotion does strange things to people. It freezes people, makes some people cluttered, makes some tired and drained. You can't always control it or predict it. READ MORE: Brown's departure stuns Knights legend READ MORE: Could Brown should've shown more faith ... in himself BROWN DECISION: I look at it honestly and think okay, it's happened and I can see why it's happened. You are either a really good team or your not and if you are losing and losing consistently, questions get asked. Someone has to cop the brunt and generally, it's the coach. I could sense things were coming to a head. I could sense the energy had been weird for a while. Browny had been telling me for weeks he was feeling the same thing. The losing, the pressure - it builds. He had been feeling it and if he is feeling that, his energy as a coach in coming to work feeling insecure about his position is not going to help him get the best out of himself or the players. Maybe that was the telling factor in the end. Since he arrived, he has been all about what is best for the club and that's why he made the decision he did. At the same time, with the losses we had, it's hardly a surprise the club was out and about looking at prospective coaching alternatives. Under the circumstances, there wouldn't be a club in the NRL not doing the same thing. READ MORE: Knights nannas stay true to red and blue LACK OF SUPPORT: This criticism that there was no support or that we didn't feel upset enough after Browny quit, I'm not sure what people expected. Knowing what he'd been sensing and what I'd been sensing, when he says to me I'm stepping down for the good of the place, I'm always going to respect that and support him. The bottom line is we weren't getting results but I've been one of Browny's biggest supporters. I want to explain the interviews Kalyn and I did that seem to have blown up in our faces. Kalyn, I support 100 percent. Yes, he'd like it over again but here's a young kid who everyone knows is laid back and can be a bit blase. That's how he is but how he isn't is disrespectful. He's actually a big fan of Browny. But he said something lighthearted because Browny didn't want anyone to make it a big deal and he's been crucified for it. As for my 'mum is coaching the team' comment, I said it after speaking at length about how good Browny has been and it came when one of the journos kept badgering me about who should be coach. It was a throwaway line to take the heat off the club. If that's poor leadership, I'll cop that. Browny leaving wasn't brought on by the playing group and I'm filthy and offended that everyone is having a crack at the boys over it. I've been in the game a while but I still scratch my head with some of the agendas among the media who just tee off at times with accusations that are made up. MY LEADERSHIP: I know I've copped some criticism and it's far from perfect but I'm always looking to do my best and improve in that area. Over the next couple of years, I've no doubts we have to mature more as a group. We have to find the mental steel to handle the tough situations better and not fall in a heap when the screws are turned. I need to lead that. READ MORE ON THE NEWCASTLE KNIGHTS: While you're with us, did you know Newcastle Herald offers breaking news alerts, daily email newsletters and more? Keep up to date with all the local news - sign up here.

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