As some of you may have noticed, Justin Bieber has been the latest celebrity to sign up for a space adventure, but unlike others on the list – including Brad Pitt, Leonardo diCaprio and Ashton Kutcher – we think it might be in the best interest for society, and indeed future generations, if Bieber didn’t come back. Now is our chance to strike my friends, and we must strike hard.

Both Bieber and his manager Scooter Braun have fronted US$250,000 ($263,000) each to secure their seat on a forthcoming Virgin Galactic mission, so our plan is already well advanced. Iconoclast and master of all things Richard Branson has since confirmed that payment has been received, so all that’s left is for some ‘unforeseen circumstances’ to happen resulting in them simply not making it back. We feel that if enough people support our cause, Branson will have no option but to comply.

Now, don’t get us wrong, we don’t want anything horrible to happen to either of them. Surely they can set up a nice cozy cave somewhere, preferably on the dark side, and live the rest of their days eating moon cheese and pop-lock dancing in their space suits, or whatever those two do in their spare time. Each other’s hair? Anyway. Biebs has even expressed interest to perform a concert on the moon, so why not give him a permanent residency?

Bieber’s ego is already passing the stratosphere, so it would make sense for his physical body to follow. That’s just science. What’s more, the dude has announced that he has Australia in his sites now for a tour, and much like the GFC, it might make its way through most of Europe and America, but we simply cannot let it get to us.

The GJBC (The Global Justin Bieber Crisis) is real. But we can stop it.

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