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HAYS, KS – Earlier today Ellie Opter was flabbergasted upon the realization that there were other people on the medical floor that her mother Gladys had been admitted to. “I sat here and timed the IV pump beeping for five minutes. FIVE MINUTES! And it took that long for the nurse to finally deign to come fix it.” When Ellie was informed this was actually a floor record and the nurse in question would be rewarded with an in-shift bathroom break she was further appalled. “She can pee on her own time, when this IV beeps she needs to be here pronto.”

“I informed her I was in an isolation room at the end of the hall starting a scheduled IV dose of vanco and that I got here as soon as I left that room and heard the beeping as I headed to the nurses’ station to document the medicine was given,” Nurse Ola Werkt described her side of the story while clutching her bathroom pass with both hands, other nurses hovering behind her like vultures.

“When she heard I was taking care of another patient her eyes widened and her mouth fell agape. She had no idea there were other people admitted to the hospital. She started slowly wondering up and down the hall peeking into rooms, we had to ask her to return to her mother’s room in order to prevent a HIPAA violation. What she saw floored her though; she had no idea that there were other sick people here.”

Ellie rested in the recliner her mother’s room, slowly stroking her hand to distract her from yelling racist remarks at Fox News. “It was just unbelievable, that this institution would endanger my mother’s life in such a fashion. Letting other sick people be so close to her in her delicate state.

Furthermore, that these people are allowed to distract the nurses, NAY THE PHYSICIANS from caring for sweet sweet mother is just negligent.” As Gladys began throwing grapes at the TV and muttering about birth certificates, Ellie did the best she could given the circumstances. “Mother you need to stop thrashing around or you are going to break your other fibula….I’m the only one here who can save you…. I… am your only hope.”