Friend of Mirkarimi's wife: family 'destroyed' MIRKARIMI CASE

Eliana Lopez, wife of San Francisco Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi, speaks to the news media about the three misdemeanor charges against her husband, on Friday Jan. 13, 2012, in San Francisco, Ca. Eliana Lopez, wife of San Francisco Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi, speaks to the news media about the three misdemeanor charges against her husband, on Friday Jan. 13, 2012, in San Francisco, Ca. Photo: Michael Macor, The Chronicle Photo: Michael Macor, The Chronicle Image 1 of / 12 Caption Close Friend of Mirkarimi's wife: family 'destroyed' 1 / 12 Back to Gallery

Eliana Lopez, the wife of suspended Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi, is in Venezuela for a month visiting family - but she's making her voice heard loud and clear on how she thinks San Francisco's criminal justice system has robbed her of her own voice and independence.

She gave permission to her friend, Myrna Melgar, a former legislative aide to Supervisor Eric Mar, to write an opinion piece in the Bay Guardian. Lopez posted it Wednesday morning on the Facebook page of La Casa de Las Madres, a domestic violence shelter that has called on Mirkarimi to resign.

Lopez, in her Facebook message, called Melgar's account a truthful insight into a complicated issue.

Melgar's piece describes how Lopez came to San Francisco after she and then-Supervisor Ross Mirkarimi became pregnant on one of his visits to her native Venezuela.

"She decided to leave behind her beautiful city of Caracas, a successful career as an actress, and her family and friends, following the dream of creating a family and a life with a man she had fallen in love with but barely knew," Melgar writes.

Marriage faltered

But soon, the marriage faltered as "the notoriously workaholic politician" struggled with family life. "Ross had trouble with the quiet demands of playing a puzzle on the floor with his toddler or having an agenda-less breakfast with his wife," Melgar wrote. Mirkarimi told Lopez he didn't have time to attend marriage counseling.

The anger erupted into physical violence on Dec. 31 when Mirkarimi reportedly grabbed Lopez's arm, leaving a bruise. Lopez told her neighbor, Ivory Madison, what had happened and agreed to be videotaped recounting her story and showing her bruise.

"Making the video was Madison's idea, and Eliana agreed to it, thinking that it would be useful to her if a custody dispute ensued," Melgar wrote. Madison reported the incident to police, who seized the video.

The district attorney initially charged Mirkarimi with three misdemeanors related to domestic violence, but under a plea deal, the new sheriff pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor of false imprisonment. Mayor Ed Lee has suspended him and is seeking his permanent removal. Mirkarimi agreed to let Lopez leave Sunday for Venezuela with their son to care for her ailing father.

"The disempowerment of Eliana began on a very small level when her husband grabbed her by the arm during an argument," Melgar wrote. "It was exponentially magnified by the neighbor in whom she confided, who decided that Eliana's strongly held desire to handle her problems with her husband herself was inconsequential.

"The disempowerment of Eliana was then magnified again and again, by the police, the press, the district attorney, and finally even anti-domestic-violence advocates. How did it come to be that a system that was intended to empower women has evolved into a system that disempowers them so completely?"

Melgar writes that nobody consulted Lopez about what she wanted, which was to work on her marriage with her husband, whom she is not allowed to have any contact with. And now the family has no income because Mirkarimi has been suspended without pay.

"It's inarguable that women in dangerous situations need to be provided options to get out," the piece continues. "In Eliana's case, which was limited to her husband too forcefully grabbing her arm, the family was destroyed and it will take years before the victim and her child will be able to (maybe) put their lives back together."

Crime against society

Kathy Black, director of La Casa de las Madres, said California's law considers domestic violence a crime against society, not just against the victim.

"It's a crime whether the victim decides to proceed or not," she said. "I would never want to get into a situation where I was defining how much physical abuse would be considered domestic violence." Lopez is expected to return in a month, but when asked whether she will actually return, Melgar said she didn't know.

"She is, as you can imagine, emotionally tired," Melgar told The Chronicle. "Being over there with her family and her friends is giving her a little breathing room.

"What they're (Lopez and Mirkarimi) going through is really hard. They need to go through counseling and figure out what they're going to do, and they haven't been allowed to do that."