The following is an op-ed written by Donald Trump, a candidate for President of the United States.

That’s right, I said it. All of you in the military and your veteran brothers and sisters are a bunch of cowards. More than that, you’re a bunch of damn pussies. I’m not telling you something we don’t all know — I just have the balls to say it. Pure titanium. Made in America. Patent pending.

Let’s look at your track record. You’ve been in Afghanistan over twice as long as that loser McCain spent being a bitch in Hanoi, and you still haven’t won the war.

Iraq is more fucked up than it was before we invaded. You burned children in Vietnam, and you still couldn’t win that war. At least there were whores in Vietnam, but you wouldn’t catch me dead there. The only whores I bang are grade-A Phillies.

In fact, when has America ever won a war? Don’t try and tell me World War II. Russia won that shit, and we had to drop an A-bomb because your pansy asses couldn’t finish the job. “The Greatest Generation?” Please. Those assholes got half a million Americans killed. I like drones that win.

Seriously, all you are is a bunch of welfare whores. Retirement at 20 years. Medical benefits out the ass. Disability money because you all come back crying about PTSD. I’ve been out here busting my rump to get what I got. I like winners. Like me. Not hand-out queens. Like you.

Now you all want to run your mouth because I have enough nerve to call out that loser John McCain. Listen, anyone can get shot down over Hanoi. I fight the traffic in Manhattan every day. If you can drive here, you can drive anywhere.

I get it, you’re jealous. While you all are passing around pocket pussies in some third-world shithole, I’m getting hand jobs from aspiring Mexican models. I mean criminals. I’ve got fire in my veins kids, and I blow down so much coke that you could run the slalom.

That’s a skiing reference, but you wouldn’t get that because you’re poor.

The truth hurts baby. If you have a problem with anything I said, then go bitch to somebody who gives a shit. I’ve got a list of phone numbers for losers you can call. Me, I only associate with winners.