When there's something strange someone getting stabbed in your neighborhood prisonyard, who you gonna call? Ghostbusters. The Excruciating Pain Laser Ray-Gun. Hoho, look at those perps burn!

An advanced laser weapon that feels like a painful blast of hot air is to be used in a US prison to break up fights for the first time.

The Assault Intervention Device fires a focused beam of energy at the target which authorities hope will stop prisoners fighting as they scramble to get out of the way. The device is controlled by a joystick and computer monitor and emits a beam up to 100 feet. The wave travels at the speed of light and penetrates the skin up to 1/64 of an inch. 'I equate it to opening an oven door and feeling that blast of hot air, except instead of being all over me, it's more focused...'

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? If you answered, "disguise a laser pain-ray as a DIRECTV dish and blast the f*** out of everyone that runs by the house," you are! Quick -- jogger at 11 o'clock! *pew pew* BWAHAHAHAHA -- they ran into traffic! *CRASH!* Close the blinds.

Hit the jump for a relatively crappy news report in which one old guy takes a blast to the ticker.

Prison to use 'excruciating' laser pain ray to control unruly inmates [dailymail]

Thanks to Rob, who controls inmates the old fashioned way: brainwashing.