WASHINGTON—As the Trump administration scrambles to find a replacement for outgoing advisor John Kelly, officials announced Monday that a high-level White House ficus would leave for the State Arboretum of Virginia after declining the president’s offer to be chief of staff. “The ficus has been honored to serve President Trump and the American people these last several months and plans to continue advancing the MAGA cause as a member of the private sector,” read a statement drafted by an aide for the ficus, noting that the potted shrub was one of the longest-tenured and most-trusted members of the Trump administration, spending countless hours working alongside the president from a sunny spot inside the Oval Office. “Rumors that the ficus was forced out following a heated argument with Jared Kushner are simply untrue. The ficus will spend the next few weeks helping with the transition of its replacement, a large fern, before departing to work in the tropical plant section of the arboretum.” At press time, the White House was reportedly thrown into chaos after the large fern confirmed it would not accept the new job.

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