In One Year

March 20th is coming up. That day probably means nothing to you, but to me, it was the end of the end. It was the start of my new life. The life I never knew I wanted and needed. My (now ex) husband and I decided to make our separation final. We were going to get a divorce. Something that I Never thought would happen to us. I thought we were going to grow old together and live our lives side by side. In the end it wasn't the plan that was meant for us.

He left the house and I couldn't believe that the last 8 years was just a waste. I couldn't believe that the things that had happened really did. I called my mom and cry more and more. I felt like life as I knew it was over. At that point I am pretty sure that you could have not gotten me to think in any other way.

During that time I also lost friends. The friend I had for most of my life decided that she wasn't going to stick around. Well more like she was going to stay friends with my ex instead of me. She never did reach out to me. She still thinks that if I don't go out of my way to ALWAYS contact her and give 100% to that friendship then it isn't worth it. I found friends in places I didn't think I would and they have helped me over the last year build myself up and know that I am worth something.

During the next few months I stayed with my mom and my ex rarely helped with my dogs. It was "too hard" for him to go in the house the we had lived in together. I was pissed. They were his dogs too. Until that day where he just would not take care of them anymore because it hurt too much. ( I guess he thought since he had gave me the house that it was a breeze for me to be there and take care of them. It wasn't) Even though he took most of the bills, I still couldn't afford the house and a few other things. Not to mention, I couldn't care about much of anything because of the horrible depression I was put in.

During March and April I found out I cheated on him. ( still not sure who with. He hasn't told me.) In April I did start dating my current boyfriend. Yes, I know, it was very fast blah blah blah. Its not like I meant to fall in love. It just happened. Since then Dustin, my boyfriend, has helped me realize who I really am and how to start to learn to love myself. He helps me with me depression and anxiety. He has taught me that I am never alone and that he is always there. We are happy together and will be celebrating our one year here soon.

I have become friends with his friends and their wives. I have became friends with the mother to his daughter. Mostly I have had the amazing chance to become his daughters "bonus mom". She usually calls me "Co" but every once in a while she will call me "mommy". No matter how many times she has done it, it still catches me off guard. For a woman that didn't want to ever be called that it is still pretty shocking. His daughter has taught me love that I didn't know before. Her mom has also. It takes a strong woman to let her daughter call someone else mom or even have her daughter love someone as much as she loves her.

I'm having some mixed emotions right now but Dustin is helping me through them. I am also going to start therapy back up. Its been over a year since I went last. I think that is my first step to living and loving wholeheartedness.



Nicole