The verdict is out: Shraddha Kapoor and Arjun Kapoor's latest release Half Girlfriend is an assault on the senses, if reviews are to be believed. The book is always better than the film, the saying goes. But anyone who has even a half-idea about literature, would agree that Chetan Bhagat is hardly a desi Shakespeare. You might argue that his works have made it to the prestigious Delhi University's literature syllabus. Well, even the infallible Mr Perfectionist aka Aamir Khan worked in Dhoom 3, a horrible rip-off of The Prestige, so it is safe to say that everyone makes mistakes.

Coming back to Half Girlfriend, the cinematic adaptation of Chetan Bhagat's half novel, full bakwaas, has done the unthinkable. The film is so insufferable that people are actually calling the book better. One look at the source material, and you'll know that the writing was always on the wall for Half Girlfriend. What in God's name does a "half-girlfriend" even mean? Bhagat defines it on his website as a "unique Indian phenomenon." More on that in a while.

Madhav Jha, the protagonist of Bhagat's book, is every girl's nightmare. No, unlike common perception, not because he is a Bihari boy "coming from village area" with next-to-zero English speaking skills, but because he is a whiny man-child who refuses to take no for an answer. Madhav and rich South Delhi girl Riya Somani meet and bond over basketball. Our hero is smitten at first sight and expresses his affection by trying to grab/kiss her at every opportunity, despite her reiterating that she is not comfortable.

Madhav's repeated whining about not being allowed to kiss her despite the fact that they hang out and do normal friend-stuff (not that her refusal stops him from frequently forcing himself on her) prompts Riya to finally agree to be his "half-girlfriend" to shut him up. In her own words, "I'm close to you. We spend time together. We can have affectionate hugs. But nothing more." So...basically...a friend.

But our hero cannot look at her except through havas-tinted glasses and his inability to keep it in his pants makes him give her an ultimatum one day - "Deti hai to de, varna kat le (F**k me, or f**k off)." This somehow comes as a shock to Riya, despite Madhav literally forcibly kissing her innumerable times. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, you realise.

By now, the reader is exasperated - when will this tale of two half-wits end? You thought the torture was almost over? You couldn't have been more wrong. Many far-fetched convolutions (including Bill Gates) later, the two meet again, in Patna. Now, in the book, Madhav is from Dumraon, a town in Bihar about 100 kilometres from Patna. What is the logic behind Riya assuming that she would just run into Madhav in Patna is as good as your guess: there is none.

Chetan Bhagat has tasted some success with Bollywood adaptations of his works (3 Idiots, 2 States, Kai Po Che). Perhaps, anticipating that someone would buy the rights of his film, he decides to take the setting to Bollywood's favourite destination - New York. Doesn't fit into the story? Who cares? Fun fact: In this book's Q&A section on his website, he answers if he is "too Bollywood now."

Just like Half Girlfriend the film, the book was universally panned upon its release. One wonders why, then, was the film even made. Take a terrible book and make it into a film with the vapid Shraddha Kapoor and trying-too-hard-to-sound-Bihari Arjun Kapoor, and not even Arijit Singh's melodious ballads can save you.

MOVIE REVIEW: Half Girlfriend

ALSO READ: Half Girlfriend was destined to be a box-office hit. Bad reviews be damned.