Ed Miliband rules out serving first term as Prime Minister

Labour leader Ed Miliband has categorically ruled out serving a first term as prime Minister, we can report today.



Speaking to reporters, Ed said that there comes a time when a politician runs out of ideas and voters get sick of them and it’s best to move on when that happens.

“You have to step aside and let new talent with an original raft of policies and fresh drive take over,” he said.

“The Labour Party probably has some talent who can step into my shoes, well, whenever they like, really.”

“Does anyone know what my brother is doing these days?”

Miliband joins several other senior national politicians in ruling out a first term, including Nick Clegg, Natalie Bennett and Nigel Farage.

Meanwhile, SNP Westminster leader Alex Salmond has said his price for propping up a Libdem/ Green/ UKIP/ SNP/ DUP/ Labour coalition government would be that he gets to be Prime Minister and nobody else would be allowed to play with his train set.

“And I want a pony”, he added.

The only senior politician not to rule out a first term has been London mayor Boris Johnson, who said “Cripes! What a whizzo wheeze! A jamboree of jolly japes and high office shenanigans.”

“I say, does that top come off?”