A passenger aboard a Megabus service to Coralville, Iowa, was cuffed on arrival on Sunday after cracking one off for three hours in the mistaken belief that a female fellow traveller appreciated his marathon five-knuckle shuffle.

Telly Shadell Corey, 41, allegedly kicked off by playing with his todger in his sweatpants but "ended up exposing his penis and masturbating for up to three hours because he thought the victim was enjoying it", according to the police report.

Unsurprisingly, the victim was actually "terrified", and The Smoking Gun reports Corey was "arrested for indecent exposure and booked into the Johnson County jail, where he is being held in lieu of $2,500 bond". ®