In the wake of yet another senseless accidental shooting in the US, Republicans have urged the American people not to give in to self-reflection or common sense. After a two-year old shot his mother in an Idaho supermarket, gun lobbyists have claimed that sensible gun ownership and handling must be taught from an earlier age.

NRA Spokesman, Shooter McClane, claimed ‘The victim’s own gun was stolen in this recent tragedy – if the victim had two guns, she might have fought off her assailant’. When it was pointed out that the assailant was the victim’s two year old son, McClane responded, ‘Guns don’t kill people, people kill people … I hope the kid gets the chair.’

US Senator, John Johnson, released a statement alleging that the voice of reason was part of a communist takeover plot, and that the most appropriate course of action was to immediately take every weapon in the house and place them within reach of children. Senator Johnson said: ‘When they come for our children, our children will be ready.’

tomholder