James Richardson dissects the press coverage of the week's Champions League thrills, including Cristiano Ronaldo's gargantuan leap for Real Madrid; 1,000 ticketless Manchester United fans; the David Beckham effect at everyone's new favourite club, Paris Saint-Germain; Juventus's famous victory against world-class Celtic; Borussia Dortmund's pasting by the German media; and a pithy joke about the pope