Lena hesitated outside the door, clutching the strap of her holdall as her other hand strayed to the unfamiliar weight of the chronal accelerator against her chest. The steady thrum of the device was calming, although it did little to settle the butterflies in the pit of her stomach. She’d fought for this, enduring hours of testing to make sure she was stable enough to leave the base and signed more paperwork than she’d ever thought possible. Yet now the fears that she’d managed to keep at bay until now, were surging to the fore with her goal in sight, and she found herself taking a step back.

They’d only had one proper date, although Lena had been planning to ask Emily out again as soon as the first round of tests on the Slipstream Jet was done. But everything had gone wrong after that, and while they’d had ‘moments’ while she fell, they hadn’t had time together, and Lena was terrified to find out what was actually left behind. It’s Emily, she tried to tell herself, even as she took another step back and another, and she was about to cave, to turn around and bolt when she heard movement, followed by a familiar cry.

“Lena?!”

Blink

She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been solid, her first step sending her tumbling to the floor, pain lancing her legs. The world was moving, and she squeezed her eyes shut, stomach churning, and for a moment she was back in the Jet, the world swirling around her, only this time there was nothing to hold onto.

“Lena?!” There were hands against her cheeks. Warm, blissfully real hands and a voice that tugged at something in her swirling thoughts. “Oh my god, Lena? LENA?!” She knew that voice, but her thoughts wouldn’t settle enough for her to place it and gathering her courage she opened her eyes, tracing ginger hair up to familiar green eyes.

“E-Emily…” She wanted to reach out, but she was terrified that the image would disappear if she touched it. This can’t be real. There had been moments, early on when she had thought that she’d made it back to the real world, just to have it snatched away – she wouldn’t fall for it again. The hands vanished, but there was an arm looping around her shoulders, pulling her close, and it felt so real. “Emily…” She reached out, curling fingers into the flimsy material of the other girl’s shirt and holding tight as Emily pulled her close with a shaky laugh.

“I’m here.”

Blink

How long had she been gone? How long had she been drifting? She no longer had a reference point for either. There were moments where she would connect, but unable to anchor herself in reality she would inevitably fall again.

There were times when she’d catch a glimpse of a familiar face and know that she was close to her own time. Other times the dates that she found on papers or holovids had her stumbling back, disbelieving as she stared around at a strange world, where events left her cold and trembling.

Then there was the night she flickered back into existence, a flash of blue against a multitude of other flashes and for a moment she had cowered, overwhelmed by this world of a thousand colours. There was a dull gong nearby, and voices around her filled with life – and it hurt, calling to her and taunting her as she lifted her head to take in her surroundings.

The familiar London skyline filling her vision, bathed in a rainbow from above and she blinked, dazed as sparks rained down from above. Fireworks. Somewhere in the distance, she became aware of a discordant chime of a bell ringing out of sync with the one that ringing previously, and there was a momentary hush, where even the fireworks above seemed to dim. Then the voices were back, raised in synchronous harmony.

A countdown.

It took a second to register, the world around her still jarring and foreign, but then she was moving on unsteady legs, barely aware of the trail of blue left in her wake as she ducked in and out of the crowd with one thought in mind.

Emily.

Time flickered around her. The countdown seeming to go in slow motion one moment, the bells a low, drawn-out cry and then ringing louder. Faster. As though counting down her time in this world, and there were tears on her cheeks as she realised she was fading again. No. Faster, she had to go faster, but it wasn’t going to be enough, she could feel time trickling through her fingers, and she faltered, fading hands reaching for help. For an anchor.

“Lena!” The voice was unexpected, and Lena squeezed her eyes shut. How many times had she heard that voice? A taunt, a siren call to come home that lead nowhere. “Lena, it’s me!” There was someone pressed against her now, warm and wonderfully solid, an arm moving to encompass her shoulders, while fingers brushed against her cheek before moving down to her chin and tilting her face upwards.

Beautiful green, more vivid than she could ever conjure in her dreams met her gaze, and her breath came in a sob.

“E-Emily…” A distant part of her mind wanted to marvel at the fact that it was always Emily who called her home. However, she could feel herself losing her connection with the world, the celebrations around them sounding as though they were worlds away, and she sobbed, leaning forward to hide against Emily. As though it would delay the inevitable, but instead as she moved forward, she felt warm lips press against hers. More real than anything she had felt in a long time, and she melted, collapsing into the kiss with a hiccupping laugh that sounded far more like a sob.

“I’m still here,” Emily whispered as she pulled back, and now she was crying too as she reached out to brush away Lena’s only to find nothing there, her fingers meeting air as Lena’s form began to fade from view. “I’ll be waiting.”

Blink.

Time.

Lena could remember the night before she’d left home. She’d barely been able to sleep, excitement getting the better of her, and she’d been repacking her duffel yet again when her mother had pulled her aside.

They’d curled together on the sofa, exchanging matching grins as her father snored softly in the armchair. It had been safe. Normal, and for the first time since she’d been invited into the Slipstream project, Lena wondered if she’d made the right decision. Something must’ve shown in her expression, because her mother had pulled her close, holding her tight as though she was a child still and not a woman nearly grown. “You don’t have to go you know?” Her mother had whispered. “There is plenty of time to find your place in the world, to do everything you want to do and…”

“This is my time,” Lena had interrupted burying her doubts.

Lena found herself adrift outside her family home, a hand resting against the glass as she peered inside. Her parents were sat on the couch, holding one another as though they were the last people left in the world. Her father who’d always seemed ageless now seemed bent beneath some invisible weight, and her mother… the woman who had sent her off the morning after that conversation with a whispered ‘I’m so proud of you’ was a ghost of herself, and Lena’s eyes burned as she glanced at the framed picture they were clinging to.

She didn’t need to see it. It had been her favourite photo too, the three of them stood outside the academy on the day she’d graduated. She’d stood tall in her uniform, excited for the adventure to come, and her parents had looked fit to burst with pride. A far cry from how they looked now, and she backed away, wondering what they had been told.

Wondering if they were still waiting for her to stop falling.

I’m sorry.

She fell again, and she squeezed her eyes shut as she spiralled through a thousand different possibilities. She didn’t look at the worlds where everything she had believed in crumbled to dust, or the ones where she had never set foot in the Jet. Instead, she held her breath and dreamed.

Imaging a different world.

A different time.

One where she was safely home in her bed, nervous and excited all over again, with arms around her and lips against her cheek until a chuckle made her look up to meet dancing green. Emily’s smile brighter than anything she had ever seen, as she teased.

“Well, I think your parents like me…”

Blink

Lena had watched the world crumble a hundred different ways, and seen it saved in a dozen others, won back with blood and tears. She’s fallen through countless lifetimes, watching as those she loved forgot her.

Time.

Space.

Even her own body has long since ceased to make sense. She remembers that she’d had a physical form once, that’s she’d been able to touch, to feel. However, there are moments when she wonders if that was all a dream. She even starts to believe it because it’s easier to think she’d been living a lucid dream than to acknowledge what she left behind.

What she’d lost.

Her body. Her future. Her parents.

Emily.

There’s a quiver in the world around her, a thousand different timelines shivering under the weight of that single name. Emily. It’s the one reason she hasn’t lost herself completely in the delusion that this is a dream, and she can feel it anchoring her now, pulling her through infinite possibilities.

“Bring her back!” The shout startles her back into awareness, her eyes flying open as time stills. She’s not really there she realises as she takes an unsteady step forward, the world seeming to lag around her, as though she’s out of sync. It’s familiar though – the metal walls, the soft whirring of machines and the hulking figure of Winston behind an array of computers, and there’s a visceral tug of longing at the sight of him, that’s forgotten as the person who’d shouted, speaks again. “You did this to her, so you can bring her back to me.”

Emily.

The world quivers again as Lena’s gaze shifts to Emily who's stood in front of Winston, and her breath catches at the sight of her. Those words… it wasn’t a request, but a demand, because there is a fire in Emily’s eyes that Lena hasn’t seen before, reminding her of a stolen moment beneath a sky lit with fireworks. I’ll be waiting. It had been a promise, she realises, raising trembling fingers to her lips.

“Lena?!” The movement catches their attention, and they’re both staring at her now, and Emily is moving towards her, the fire giving way to tears as a smile spreads across her face. The world quivers again, and Lena knows even before Emily’s smile cracks that she’s fading. That her time is up, and for the first time in ages, she fights it, knowing that she is buying herself seconds at most as she holds Emily’s gaze.

“I’ll come back.”

Blink

There are arms around her now, and it takes Lena a moment to realise that this isn’t a dream. That the lips now pressing kisses across her cheeks are real, and there’s a sob rising in her throat as she lets her bag fall, wrapping her arms around Emily. It feels like coming home, especially when Emily trembles against her before their lips meet halfway, just as they had that night beneath the fireworks and a thousand times more perfect.

“You came back,” Emily’s voice wavers, tears leaving a trail between the constellations of freckles on her cheeks and Lena laughs, soft and wet, her own tears falling as she moves to kiss Emily’s away.

“And you waited.”