From Wilt Chamberlain to Hugh Hefner to Simon Cowell, you need at least 1,000 to make this list.

This isn’t a list of the people who’ve actually had the most sexual partners in history. I’m sure that list includes Roman emperors, Casanova, Persian kings, Shane from The L-Word and Bill Clinton. This list only contains the people who’ve actually thrown out an approximate number. So it mostly includes actors, singers, porn stars… and, of course, Wilt.

It’s also heavily male, highly suspect, and (let’s hope) not-at-all aspirational.

Here are the 11 people who say they’ve had sex with the most people in history.

11 | Hugh Hefner, ~1,000

You know a list of perverts is gonna get weird when Hugh Hefner comes in *last*.

10 | Simon Cowell, Dennis Rodman and Jack Nicholson, ~2,000 each

All three of these guys has claimed to have slept with 2,000 partners. (In Jack’s case, it’s other people making the claim; obviously Simon and Dennis are saying it about themselves.)

With these numbers, there’s an outside chance that there are a few women who’ve been with all three. Although the odds are she didn’t get Chinatown/Cuckoo’s Nest-era Jack, Pistons-era Rodman AND second season of Idol-era Simon. I’m thinking it’s probably more like blu blocker sunglasses-era Jack, Apprentice-era Rodman and creepy boy band scout-era Simon.

9 | Julio Iglesias, ~3,000

If Anna Kournikova didn’t exist, Enrique could’ve doubled that up. And if women weren’t lying when they say sense of humor is the most important quality in a guy, Gabriel could’ve too.

8 | Ron Jeremy, ~4,000

Ron Jeremy’s one of two porn stars on the list, and one of the few porn stars who actually throws a number out there. (I couldn’t find any female porn stars’ numbers.) Also, once about seven or eight years ago, when I was living in the Hollywood area, I was at a grocery store around midnight on a Tuesday and Ron Jeremy stumbled in and bought three disposable cameras and an apple. In other words: He’s still adding to his tally. (Or doing a series of still lifes?)

7 | Gene Simmons, ~4,600

I’m not exactly sure why, but this one manages to feel like the grossest on the list.

6 | Charlie Sheen, ~5,000

This brings up a debate: Does it count toward your lifetime tally if you pay for it? I believe Charlie Sheen’s the only one on this list who’s openly talked about paying for sex. (Although Hugh Hefner’s “wives” are on salary. And the porn stars were paid for sex.) Also, does it count if you’re probably combining a mix of your sexual experiences and the sexual experiences of your eponymous tv character?

5 | Warren Beatty, ~12,775

This comes from his unauthorized 2010 biography, Star: How Warren Beatty Seduced America. The author estimated that Beatty was such a sex symbol that he had sex with someone new every single day of his entire single life — from when he lost his virginity at age 20 until he married Annette Bening at 55.

That’s 35 years at 365 women per year (unauthorized biographers always forget things like “leap years” and “fact checking”) — which equals 12,775. I’m thinking that estimate is pretty high. Then again, even I was seduced into buying a Dick Tracy shirt as a kid — so maybe Warren Beatty does have hypnotic charisma?

4 | John Holmes, ~14,000

Holmes was in at least 2,200 pornos, and estimated that between those and his generally sexy social life he had 14,000 partners. (Well, actually 13,895.) A pornography historian — how does that look on LinkedIn? — estimates it was really more like 3,000. He IS the only person on this list to die from an STD, though… so, um, credibility?

3 | Wilt Chamberlain, ~20,000

This is the most famous number on the list. In Wilt’s 1991 autobiography, A View From Above, he claimed to have been with 20,000 different women — all of whom were single at the time and none of whom got pregnant. That was based on an average of 1.2 women per day, every day, for his entire life. The number seems unbelievable — but so do all of his NBA records, and there’s documentation on those. He averaged 45.8 points per game in his NBA career. One season he averaged 48.53 minutes per game. Those numbers seem unbreakable and unrealistic today, too.

2 | Fidel Castro, ~35,000

In a documentary about Castro, a Cuban official in his inner circle claims he had sex with 35,000 women. (If there had been a documentary about Kim Jong-Il, he probably would’ve claimed he had sex with 755 million. But I assume the only camera in North Korea is a VHS-C camcorder and they ran out of tapes back in 2003.)

This would put Castro at about two sexual partners per day for five decades. I’m not even sure if there’s been that much sex in *The* Castro in that amount of time.

1 | The Fokkens Twins, ~177,500 each

Our only ladies on the list are two of the oldest living members of the world’s oldest profession. Louise and Martine Fokkens are 70-year-old twins who were both prostitutes in Amsterdam’s red light district for 50 years. They claim they had sex with 355,000 men combined in their run, or about 177,500 each. That roughly comes out to 10 men a day each (assuming they took two weeks of vacation every year).

Yep… the math checks out.

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