June 2000 Selected Reader Email





Subject: parody

Date: Sat, 3 Jun 2000 12:02:02 -0700



Dear Tom Tomorrow,



In a recent message-board debate about Libertarianism, one

of the posters quoted the well-known Tom Tomorrow line, "It's

time we stopped addressing these problems...and started ignoring

them!" As a token of my appreciation of this and the rest of

your work, I thought you might enjoy seeing the following verses.





I Am the Very Model of a Modern Libertarian

by Kimstu



[With apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan, and

also to one Lollius. Note: In order to avoid the

infringement of individual rights by imposing

totalitarian ideals of harmony, the soloist and

choristers may sing each in his or her own tempo,

tune, and key.]



I am the very model of a modern Libertarian:

I teem with glowing notions for proposals millenarian,

I've nothing but contempt for ideologies collectivist

(My own ideas of social good tend more toward the Objectivist).

You see, I've just discovered, by my intellectual bravery,

That civic obligations are all tantamount to slavery;

And thus that ancient pastime, viz., complaining of taxation,

Assumes the glorious aspect of a war for liberation!



[Chorus:]

You really must admit it's a delightful revelation:

To bitch about your taxes is to fight for liberation!



I bolster up my claims with lucubrations rather risible

About the Founding Fathers and the market's hand invisible;

In fact, my slight acquaintance with the fountainhead Pierian

Makes me the very model of a modern Libertarian!



[Chorus:]

His very slight acquaintance with the fountainhead Pierian

Makes him the very model of a modern Libertarian!



All "public wealth" is robbery, we never will accede to it;

You have no rights in anything if you can't show your deed to it.

(But don't fear repossession by our Amerind minority:

Those treaties aren't valid---Uncle Sam had no authority!)

We realize whales and wolves and moose find wilderness quite vital,

And we'll give back their habitats---*if* they can prove their title.

But people like unspoiled lands (we too will say "hooray" for them),

So we have faith that someone else will freely choose to pay for them.



[Chorus:]

Yes, when the parks are auctioned it will be a lucky day for them---

We're confident that someone else will freely choose to pay for them!



We'll guard the health of nature by self-interest most astute:

Since pollution is destructive, no one ever will pollute.

Thus factories will safeguard our communities riparian---

I am the very model of a modern Libertarian!



[Chorus:]

Yes, factories will safeguard our communities riparian,

He is the very model of a modern Libertarian!



In short, when I can tell why individual consumers

Know best who should approve their drugs and who should treat their tumors;

Why civilized existence in its intricate confusion

Will be simple and straightforward, absent government intrusion;

Why markets cannot err within the system I've described,

Why poor folk won't be bullied and why rich folk won't be bribed,

And why all vast inequities of power and position

Will vanish when I wave my wand and utter "COMPETITION!"---



[Chorus:]

He's so much more exciting than a common politician,

Inequities will vanish when he hollers "Competition!"



---And why my lofty rhetoric and arguments meticulous

Inspire shouts of laughter and the hearty cry, "Ridiculous!",

And why my social theories all seem so pre-Sumerian---

I'll be the very model of a modern Libertarian!



[Chorus:]

His novel social theories all seem so pre-Sumerian---

He is the very model of a modern Libertarian!





Subject: TMW

Date: Thu, 8 Jun 2000 18:22:20 -0700



Mr. Tomorrow,

Just wanted to send an e-mail letting you know how dangerous your cartoon is. This Modern World is the first thing I turn to after picking up either the

OC Weekly or New Times LA and I try to read it in the car on my way back to class. I have caused a few traffic delays making sure I was finished laughing

hysterically before I drove on the green light. Yours is the only honest and still hilarious political in America. Now that Conrad has semi-retired, of

course. Once I finish my journalism degree, I hope to rouse as much rabble as you do.





Subject: Regarding "The libertarian think tanks are truly adept..."

Date: Sat, 10 Jun 2000 20:13:16 EDT



It's a brilliant cartoon with one exception. You should have made it clear

that these represent moderate Looneytarians. True-blue Looneytarians are

already proposing in scholarly journals that human organs be freely

trafficked, human indenture (slavery) reintroduced, the minimum wage repealed

etc.



PS: You don't seriously expect that anyone who has spent half an hour in an

AOL chat room or on an AOL bulletin board would regard any of these proposals

as anything except mainstream thinking do you?



PPS: Keep up the good work. The Penguin is going to drive the power elite

to rash action any day now. :-)





Subject: Letter from Texas

Date: Thu, 15 Jun 2000 12:44:06 -0500



Mr. Tomorrow,



I just read your interview for fadetoblack.com, and found this link. I wish I had heard you interview on NPR, but I missed it. Your point

of view and cartoons are a source of great entertainment.



I work for a very rightwing, uptight, Republican inclined company, (not much different than working for a leftwing dogmatic Democratic

inclined company). I periodically cut out your cartoons from a local paper, and display them in my office. I carefully choose which ones

I display, and sit back and watch different reactions my coworkers and clients have after reading them.



It is big fun, and often surprising to see who is offended and who is entertained. Sometimes they see other subtle parts of the joke, I

missed entirely.



To be able to write a joke, cartoon, or a commentary, that cuts across political lines, or just plain ?cuts? and still be funny, is a talent to

be admired. Thank you, for your viewpoint and your cutting humor. Thank you for the big fun I have in my office, with your cartoons.





After reading your interview, I got the impression there were times when a hateful letter would bother you. People, (in general), do not

like the truth, nor do they want to see it, hear it, or have anything to do with it. (This probably sounds like a stupid cliché, but it fits.)

Don?t let it bother you too much. There are also people like myself who love your humor and your unique insight; we look forward to it

every week.



P.S.



I voted twice for that TURKEY Clinton, in my humble opinion he deserves all the bashing you or any other cartoonist can dish out.







Subject:

Date: Sun, 18 Jun 2000 13:39:42 -0700



Tom Tomorrow:



I enjoy your column when I read it (in the SF Bay Guardian). I like the

style and I like the humor.



About your recent cartoon concerning the fallout from Hilary Clinton's

famous phrase that a "vast right-wing conspiracy" was out to get Bill and

was behind the charges of infidelity and purgery against him : as Griel

Marcus said in a recent article, many people seem to ignore the fact that,

despite the fact that it turns out Bill was lying, her assertion was

pefectly factual. As I am sure your are more aware than I am, it would

appear that a co-ordinated, semi-secret, semi-ethical, and not-exactly

up-front-about-their-motives network of shady organizations, which one

might easily call a "conspiracy", were behind the charges against Bill

reaching the profile that they did, exactly as she suggested. Hilary's

political enemies snickering about the phrase seems even more dissapointing

to me when consider it in this light.





Subject: Admiration

Date: Fri, 23 Jun 2000 16:43:40 -0400



Dan,

I am a huge fan of your strip. It is balm to my left-wing soul to see your consistently

incisive take on the absurdities foisted on the moronic public by the (mostly) Republican

propaganda machine. It's encouraging to have my opinions validated, or at least, that

they are shared by an apparently brilliant comic! The mass media is so dominated by

drivel and lies that sometimes it seems like everyone must be blind. It may be naive,

but I take your comic very seriously as the best report on what is happening in the

political machine. (Kind of like a play-doh spaghetti maker.) Thank goodness for the

free press! Keep up the good work! I hope you are wildly successful. I'm going to find

your books in an independent bookstore and give them to everyone I can. (I don't want to

feed the Amazon maw.)

--Katie

P.S. Humor is a sign of genius, and of mental health.





Subject: Sock Puppet

Date: Mon, 26 Jun 00 12:32:00 -0700



More of Mr Bill as a sock puppet



Your best new character in a long time



Keep up the good work.





Subject: Gorebot

Date: Mon, 26 Jun 2000 22:25:13 -0700



Dear Tom Tomorrow,



You're the greatest.



Relative to your Gorebot strip - you should probably read Martian Timeslip

by Philip K. Dick, a science fiction novel that feature a startlingly

similar robot idea.



Keep it up.





Subject: Just another fan...

Date: Fri, 30 Jun 2000 16:43:39 EDT





Hey Tom,



I'm just writting to be one of the many to say "Keep up the good work".

You've expressed this in your cartoons, but it's both incredibly cool and sad

that the most insightful thoughts on news I get from a cartoon. But, when you

think about it, that's just a credit to your hard work and dedication to your

craft.

You know, with todays media keeping out dissenting thought and everyone

(including most "artists") out to make money first and anything else a

distant second, I can't tell you how much I respect your complete resistance

to "selling out". I think that the term "Selling out" might even fall

completely out of use within the next decade, since cashing in your integrity

is becoming the norm.

It's like... there is this comercial about getting some sort of bank loan,

and the song they use in the background as actors squeal in glee about

morgaging their houses at 28% interest:Money Changes Everything. Presto! A

song about the moral complexites of wealth is changed into an anthem about

getting the quick cash hook up!

*sigh*

At least there is alwas This Modern World when I feel like the entire planet

has gone crazy and I'm the only one who notices.

Thanks again!



