I am a human, raised in the North during the age of cassettes. I have bad hair and even worse haemorrhoids. Will this information help me secure website work? No, no it will not. But I have strict contractual obligations to my sponsor, Anusol™

I started doing this line of work in 1999 prior to the millennium bug. Esther Rantzen warned that society would collapse and my neighbour Jeff went off-grid using 15 carrier bags of assorted batteries and an exercise bike.