A Band-wagoner’s Guide to the Vancouver Canuck’s 2015 Playoffs

Do you want to act and talk like a real Vancouver Canucks fan even though you haven’t watched a game this season?

If the last time you cared about the Canucks was in 2011, well then this is the guide for you! You’ll find out everything you need to know in order to sound like a pretentious snob in front of all of your other band wagon jumping friends who haven’t read this post!

Warm Up

If you want to convince people that you know what’s going on you got to set yourself away from the majority. When everyone is cheering and applauding, look inquisitively at the TV in deep thought. When there doesn’t seem like there is much going on, clap loudly and say “Good Play! Good Stick!”.

If you recognize one of the Canucks players that’s holding the puck yell out “Yeah [player]!” Bonus points if you shorten their name and add a Y to the end of it. Eg: “Yeah Higgy!” “Yeah Kassy!”

This is some pretty next level band-wagoning but if you notice the Canucks make a bad play blurt out “Hey the Race for McDavid ended with the regular season!”

(Connor McDavid is the prodigy who is going to be picked first in next years draft, some teams seem to be tanking their remaining regular season games in order to have a better chance at winning the lottery for the first draft pick and thus securing McDavid)

The Canucks had the best record in the league after being scored on first. So if they do get scored on first, just mention that it’s actually a good thing and this is a position they’re comfortable with.

Lastly, the Canucks had a decent season. They’re by no means a favorite for the Cup, so don’t over hype them. Don’t under hype them either, you’re a fan who’s spent the last six months following this team!

1. Management

You probably don’t know who our coach is, you probably don’t know who our last coach was… that’s OK(hint it’s not Alain Vigneault). Last year’s experiment with John Torteralla was a catastrophe, the only thing he gave Canucks fans was this hilarious clip.

The Canucks have moved on to a rookie NHL coach, Willie Desjardins. Willie most recently won the Calder Cup coaching the Texas Stars last season(AHL). The key thing you need to know about Willie is that everything is “Real Good”.

Band-wagon Banter

I highly suggest making frequent jokes about the Real Good plays the Canucks are making while you watch the game. Explain to your friends why you’re constantly saying Real Good and then express your dissatisfaction of your friends for not watching every Willie Desjardins post game update.

Ask your friends if they think Willie’s lack of NHL Playoff coaching experience will hurt the Canuck’s chances this year.

2. Goal Tending

Once again Vancouver has a tough decision of who to send between the pipes for the post season, by the way it’s not Schneider nor Luongo.

Vanouver’s number 1 goalie this year has been Ryan Miller. However a knee injury sidelined him for over a month and a half. Eddie Lack has been his relief and has done a good job getting the Canucks to the post season.

The question is now do they go the much more experienced, accomplished, and injury recovering Miller or with healthy, practiced Eddie Lack.

Band-wagon Banter

“Wow I wonder who’s going to start game X!”

“Miller doesn’t look healthy”

“You can see Eddie’s inexperience there”

3. Forwards

The Sedins are back, mostly. Following a terrible season under the lead of John Tortorella the Sedins came back with good numbers, not their best but good numbers none-the-less.

The Canucks have a much more balanced scoring distribution compared to other teams. They rely on secondary scorers from every line such as Mathias, Higgins, Burrows, Hansen and Horvat.

Bo Horvat

This 19 year old made the team this year and has quite a good breakout year in many fans eyes. There is a large amount of hype around this kid, and for good reason. Basically any time he touches the puck and especially if he scores you have to yell “BOlieve” to show that you know all of this information. People may look at you weirdly, but just ignore them and continue to look straight and excitedly at the stoppage in play on the TV.

Radim Vrbata You probably have no idea who this guy is but you should. He’s the Canucks leading goal scorer. A Czech hockey player who has played most recently with the Phoenix/Arizona Coyotes. He’s been juggled throughout the season between playing with the Sedins and playing on the second line mostly alongside Bonino and Higgins.

Bonino? Who’s that? Nick Bonino is the compensation we received for trading away the now infamous Ryan Kesler. If you remember liking Kesler you have to forget those feelings real quick if you want to be a true band-wagon jumper. He left the team because he didn’t think the Canucks could win a Cup. You have to hate Kesler. Anyways, Nick Bonino started the season red hot, and it seemed the Canucks got the better end of the deal especially how the ending to this game went. However, since his hot start, his offensive production definitely subsided.

Derek Dorsett is our resident tough guy. He’s not a massive guy at 6ft 192 lbs but he is third in the league in penalty minutes and second in the league in fighting majors. Expect to see him to be a big impact in the playoffs in terms of physicality.

Band-wagon Banter

“I’m SO happy the Sedins are playing their game again, last year was a tragedy to watch (You watched every game last year because you watch the Canucks whether they’re in the playoffs or not)”

Any time and every time someone scores on the Canucks just mention how good that is and that the Canucks need contributions from everyone in order to be successful.

“I hope Bonino can start the playoffs like he did the regular season!”

“I wonder where Willie is going to put Vrbata in the playoffs”

Tell your friends when Dorsett gets in a fight about how the little guy has so much fire in him for such a small guy and you’ve seen it all year.

4. Defense

Let’s be honest, people who don’t know what their talking about know nothing about defense. You’re not going to be able to tell what a good defensive play is at any time so don’t try and point one out, you’ll look like a fool.

Unless it’s a blocked shot, if any Canuck player blocks a shot you’re obligated to say “That’s what wins Cups!”

If you need to say something about Vancouver’s defense, mention how good of a comeback year Edler has had and how you like how the Canucks have locked Sbisa into a multi year contract.

Closing

This should be enough information for you to get through the playoffs looking like the die hard Canucks fan you are. But, if you’re struggling for something to say, just fall back to the default:

Leafs Suck.

The Toronto Maple Leafs were an absolute joke this season. They had one of the worst records in the league and they had some serious debacles with the media. If anything goes wrong in a Canucks game, just mention that ain’t as bad as the Leafs season at least.

Lastly, have some fun, Go Canucks Go!