Socialize as an Introvert

For those who truly know me, I’m a natural introvert. But for those who think they know me, I’m a full-blown extrovert. How do I pull this off? Since I haven’t learned how to hypnotize people yet, I have to rely on the power of psychology.

But not towards the ability to trick other people, but towards myself. I hate and love socializing. On one hand, I love interacting with people and getting a chance to know them. But on the other hand, it lowers my energy because I’m forced to listen to whatever they have to say, thus draining my own energy.

It reminded me about this study that stated that most of your Facebook friends don’t even care about your problems or even sympathize with you. Although someone might have 150 Facebook friends, there’s probably like 3 – 4 they actually care about what they’re going through.

What really made that study stand out to me was how it related to real life for introverts. Despite the amount of the people we know, there’s only a handful of people who we actually get comfortable enough to invest ourselves into their problems. Everyone else is just there for small chat purposes.

Being an introvert for as long as I could remember, I knew socializing wasn’t going to be easy. Unfortunately, being a hermit wasn’t going to get me anywhere in life either.

You need people for support. You need people to get you places. And you need people to discuss the problems that’s roaming in your head. And Facebook with all it’s “likes” and “positive comments” isn’t going to help you with that.

Like myself, I know many introverts who suffer from the idea of socializing beyond social media. It sucks because they’re forced to face the world and find a compatible partner to socialize with. Introverts want to be more social but can’t find the energy to get them there.

So like myself, the best way to socialize as an introvert is to make it extremely simple and nearby. You want to make whatever location you wish to spend your time at as easy as possible to get to.

Make Your Social Circle as Close as Possible

Extroverts love to socialize. They’ll travel 30 minutes if it means socializing with a group of people they barely know. But the idea of an introvert driving 5 minutes to meet someone is enough for them to cross that date out of their calendar.

I’ve had opportunities where I my friend who wanted to chill, but lived 20 minutes away. So I usually rain-checked their request and spent time with someone who lived 2 minutes away.

It wasn’t because I liked the person who lived 2 minutes away more, but because it was easier to put in the effort to speak to someone. I would travel to a friend’s house any day if they lived a few minutes away versus an hour.

Because during that hour of travel, you’re questioning what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. You feel your energy already draining because you’re dealing with people on the road who can’t drive. You’re thinking of things that can go wrong when you meet your friend. You begin regretting your decision halfway but continue anyway because you’ve invested too much energy to back out.

Although an extrovert could perform this lifestyle, introverts don’t have the energy to spare. We need convenience whenever we consider the possibilities of traveling to a friend’s house.

It doesn’t even have to be a friend. It can be any social occasion. If you live near a pub or social hang out center, use that opportunity to visit it to see what occurs. You may not meet anyone there the first week, but get your face easily recognizable in there. That way, you can easily spot the same group of people who often goes there.

Eventually, you will speak to the regulars regarding some occasion and that could form a possible friendship or more. When I lived in what a small apartment complex, there was a small park just outside of our building where people drank nearly every night.

So I decided to go down there to visit them one Friday night. I didn’t say much but they didn’t mind me standing near them as they went about their business. The next night I was little more comfortable with saying more things to them, slowly climbing my way into their social circle.

Before I knew it, I quickly became part of their group and formed a small friendship. Yes, I did have other friends who lived further away, but I also enjoyed the friends I made in front of my apartment building because it was only a three minute travel from my home.

But I don’t live in an area near other people

If you live in an area that has no social circles or conventions, then consider the possibilities of moving somewhere else. Yes, I get it. You might love the home you stay at now, but you still need social time scheduled into your life. You need to interact with other people to build your social skills.

As an introvert, it’s not healthy to continuously travel long distances every night to make that possible. You need to make it easy for your mind to cope with the idea that you’re about to go out for a few minutes.

Thus, take into considerations possible homes you can move into. You don’t have to make the decision, just find the home you like and the area it’s in. From there, let that thought digest. Visit the area to get a feel for it.

If you don’t like the idea of moving, consider adopting a roommate. That way, you’re forced to live with someone who’ll push you out that comfort zone. Back when I had a roommate, it wasn’t easy, but it was entertaining to have someone in the house with me. There was always someone to make funny comments with while watching a movie or TV show. I always had someone to go out with if I was bored.

If you live with your parents or someone else, then consider your local options. Join a club after school so you’re forced to be around people who you’ll eventually speak to. Join a church if you want to be with a friendly community. Join a local community college and be near people your age who have the same interest. Find a major organization on Meetup that forces you to attend an event on an average occasion.

If you don’t have the money to move, visit a local pub or library after work before going home. Make going out more conventional for you.

CAUTION:

Don’t Try to Live the Extroverted Lifestyle

Being yourself isn’t always easy when you’re an introvert because we live in an extroverted society. We live in an environment where it’s normal to want roommates and travel long distances to see someone.

But being yourself means being honest with how you think, act, and feel. You can’t sustain a lifestyle of traveling long commutes to speak to someone. You can barely tolerate it if you use that energy to travel to work every morning.

Find a way to express yourself in the closest place possible. Find a location that’s already filled with people. It shouldn’t be anywhere that takes longer than 10 minutes to get there.

I can’t promise this solution will fix your social life, make your friends, or find that super sweet lover. But I will say it will make your life easier. Although the feeling of solitude and silence is golden, it gets even sweeter when you know there’s a group of friendly people willing to talk to you just a few minutes away.

You feel fuzzy knowing you can simply step outside to see a social situation and determine if it’s worth the walk or not. You can have days where you want to stay at your home and you’ll have days where you’ll want to be with them all day. The best feeling is just knowing you’re the one in charge of the situation. Not your emotions.

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