My son is my only child. When he was 4, I divorced his father and raised him on my own. I didn’t receive any financial support, so I worked full time to support us. Now my son is married with three children. But since he married, I am not included in family holidays like Thanksgiving or Christmas. For years, I invited them, but they never accepted. They spend holidays with my daughter-in-law’s family. It bothers me that my in-laws don’t seem to care that I’m left alone. I’ve had many talks with my son about this, but nothing changes. Is there anything more I can do?

ANONYMOUS

I’m sorry that your feelings are hurt. I am also sorry about the volume of mail I receive from people who feel lonely or knocked around by the one-two punch of our compulsory (family) holidays: Thanksgiving and Christmas.

But let’s take a step back, Anonymous. You went to some length in your windup to tell us what a dedicated mother you were. But you didn’t work and sacrifice to secure a seat at a holiday table 30 years down the road. You did it out of love for your son. (And good for you!) But sadly, parenting is not a quid pro quo arrangement. Your son does not owe you anything.

You write that you have had many conversations with him about this. But have you said (to him or his wife, depending on your relationship): “Honey, I have no place to go on Thanksgiving. Would you ask Mary’s parents if I can join you?” Be that direct. This is your flesh and blood we’re talking about, not a pal from book club. If you have already been this direct, either your son does not want to ask his wife or in-laws, or he has asked and was refused. You have limited leverage either way.