Mother’s Day is coming. I’m a mother so I’m supposed to be honored and pampered and people are supposed to worship at my feet and stuff. More than usual, that is.

Since my kids are young, much of this mother honoring stuff falls on the shoulders of my husband, Crappy Papa. I know this isn’t fair since I’m not his mother and all. So I make it easy on him by telling him exactly what I want.

Unfortunately, I have never gotten exactly what I want. There must be some miscommunication going on.

I’m going to try to clear it up.

There are tons of traditional Mother’s Day gift choices. The hardest thing is figuring out which one to pick:

Flowers? Jewelry? Candles? Chocolates? The answer is NONE OF THOSE.

(Notice I didn’t include artwork or cards from the kids. I’d be a jerk to say I didn’t want those. Of course I do. Those are a given. I’m only talking about the choices that are in my husband’s realm.)

Things like chocolate and flowers are fine and dandy. But they are totally unnecessary!

No, those traditional gifts aren’t the very best way to show appreciation.

To uncover the best Mother’s Day gifts ever for a mother with young children, you have to take a look at her life.

Mothers get up early.

Mothers allow uninvited guests into their personal space. They are never alone.

Mothers perfect the art of eating with only one hand. They also eat very fast.

Mothers even use the bathroom with the door open.

And so much more.

Mothers of young children are amazing. They do all of these things! For free! Daily!

So what will make mothers feel appreciated for all of those things that they do?

To not have to do those things. Just for one day.

Seriously. Just a day off. And it doesn’t even cost anything.*

*Crappy Papa is convinced that he can’t afford it. Sigh. Maybe next year.

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In all seriousness now, I’m super grateful for all of you mothers who read this blog. I know there are a wide mix of parenting styles and backgrounds among us and yet everyone manages to be (mostly) nice to each other. The fact that we can laugh at ourselves rather that yell at each other makes us an awesome bunch. So thanks for hanging out here. I mean it.

So this being said, if you disagree with this post and what you really want is a pretty trinket… screw you!

Teasing. If you are actually pining for precious gems that is totally okay. You must get more sleep than I do. Either that or you are smarter than I am and know that a “day off” is never actually going to happen. Might as well get something sparkly instead. If this is true, please remind my husband about those way too expensive CYDWOQ sandals that I’ve been drooling over for years. They aren’t sparkly but if I wore them I’d feel sparkly inside. Totally counts.

One more thing! My own mom is the bestest ever.

Happy Mother’s Day