When i was little i wanted to work in genetic engineering. I wanted to start a federal funded grant research project called BEE.inc.( Biological enhancement engineering) then after a couple notebooks of writing down information about gene splicing and nanofabrication, I wanted to work for the CIA doing paramilitary operations. Meaning, basically i wanted to eliminate the monsters that exist on this wonderful blue ball we all live on. I was 14 and knew how to spell “Chechnya” and ” Human Trafficking” before i knew the difference between” I want” and ” I what”. I even said in front of a class of 40 students during my last year of high school when i was giving a speech about 3 possible career paths that ” Man get locked up, dogs get put down” Reforming to Shamil Basayev and the Beslan school siege in 2004.

I joined the military in 2014 with the same mentality to help the greater good by getting rid of the rotten apples. But i went into aviation instead. I was more about helping mankind through biology than bullets. After some time i couldn’t handle the load of school work and no matter how much ambition one has it wont help you memorized 200 facts about eukaryotes in 3 days. Then i went on this 3 year trip to study information systems to work this 100K/year remote job that would let me work from Rome, Prague maybe Cleveland. But Nada! i passed some course, failed others. And after 7 years of college, living at home you just want to get the fuck out. I then thought after all the jobs, military and family trauma what career would allow me to use my analytical success with peolpe ( Fuck Dr.Phil) and still have a bigger purpose than just making money. Police officer!!

and then detective. But did about 2 months in the Pittsburgh police academy in 2018. But left because i was 14 classes away for a degree in finance. I just wanted to make enough money to be free of having to please anyone.

I write this to help better understand that its hard to have certain ideas in life but then you develop a fetish like being a cuck and everything you ever thought that you wanted just goes out the window. That every time you wanted to kiss a woman, or just dreamed about having a fun, supporting sexaully relationship just is gone. Where you have to decided to be a cuck or a man. Where you have to decided if you enjoy eating some black dudes cum off your woman or having her view you as a man with purpose and understanding. Where you at times get excited about sucking a dick with your women because she wants you too but at times just want a friend who doesn’t treat you like your less of a ” Real Man” Where even thinking about wanting to have a daughter one day makes you terrified to be the cuck you want to be but also have to maintain the mindset of a father/ a protected. Now the fetish comes first, it comes before love, before self-respect, before sleep/food/drinking, it comes before a family, friends, work. It comes before anything! Like many wannabe cucks out there, we hope we can find some level of happiness to keep us a float in every day life. Hoping that even if we never find what we’re looking, that we can still find some form of of self-validation in being self- aware