<div class="container-fluid"> <div class="jumbotron" <div class="row"> <h1>George Carlin</h1> <h2><em>The Wordsmith of Comedy </em></h2> <figure class="figure"> <img class="img-rounded center-block img-responsive" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xvjpXE6-Tvk/TfvnayLE2HI/AAAAAAAAB60/zP6rfjM5xHk/s1600/%2Bgeorge%2Bcarlin%2Bcover1.jpg" alt="Carlin Art" width="600" height="900"><figcaption class="figure-caption text-center">George Carlin is widely considered one of the greatest Comedians of all-time.</figcaption></figure> <h4 class="text-center">A time line of Carlin's Life & Comedy:</h4> <!--time line begins here--> <ul class="text-justify"> <li><strong>1937 - Born in Manhattan, New York </strong><em>"When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show. If you're born in America you get a front row seat."</em></li> <li><strong>1954 - Joins United States Air Force</strong><em> "Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you're just what they're looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers."</em></li> <li><strong>1960 - Moves to California to pursue comedy</strong><em> "The West Coast experience is soft and peripheral, New York is hard and concentrated. California is a small woman saying, “Fuck me.” New York is a large man saying, “Fuck you!""</em></li> <li><strong>1972 - <em>FM & AM </em></strong><em>"When they talk about drugs, they don't talk about all of them. They never mention coffee. The low end of the speed spectrum, I grant you, but there are coffee freaks. And they're walking around, nobody worrying about it."</em></li> <li><strong>1972 - <em>Class Clown </em></strong><em>"Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits, huh? Those are the heavy seven. Those are the ones that will infect your soul, curve your spine and keep the country from winning the war."</em></li> <li><strong>1973 - <em> Occupation: Foole </em></strong><em>"Nobody goes right to work. You might get there on time, but, screw the company, those first twenty minute belong to you, right? It's not an attitude in line with the American Spirit, but there it is: we all screw around first. "I just got here, man, you kiddin' me?" Really. You never see a memo that says 9:01."</em></li> <li><strong>1974 - <em> Toledo Window Box </em></strong><em>"The seven dwarfs were each on different little trips. Happy was into grass and grass alone … Happy, that's all he did. Sleepy was into reds. Grumpy, too much speed. Sneezy was a full blown coke freak. Doc was a connection. Dopey was into everything. Any old orifice will do for Dopey. He's always got his arm out and his leg up. And then, the one we always forget, because he was Bashful. Bashful didn't use drugs. He was paranoid on his own. Didn't need any help on that ladder. ."</em></li> <li><strong>1981 - <em> A Place For My Suff </em></strong><em>"Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place, man? There's such balance in nature."</em></li> <li><strong>1984 - <em> Carlin On Campus </em></strong><em>"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"</em></li> <li><strong>1986 - <em> Playing With Your Head </em></strong><em>"You know how you speed up baseball? Everybody gets one swing. That's it one swing fuck you, you're out sit down!"</em></li> <li><strong>1988 - <em> What Am I Doing In New Jersey? </em></strong><em>"It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard, that's our history! We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free."</em></li> <li><strong>1990 - <em> Doin' It Again </em></strong><em>"Think about this; think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that."</em></li> <li><strong>1992 - <em> Jammin' in New York </em></strong><em>"You know how I define the economic and social classes in this country? The upper class keeps all of the money, pays none of the taxes. The middle class pays all of the taxes, does all of the work. The poor are there just to scare the shit out of the middle class. Keep 'em showing up at those jobs."</em></li> <li><strong>1996 - <em> Back In Town </em></strong><em>"I'm also tired of hearing about 'innocent victims'. This is an outmoded idea. There are no innocent victims. If you live on this planet, you're guilty, period, fuck you, end of report, next case. Next fucking case! Your birth certificate is proof of guilt!"</em></li> <li><strong>1999 - <em> You Are All Diseased </em></strong><em>"In prisons, before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol! It's true! It's true. It's true! Well, they don't want you to get an infection! And you can see their point: wouldn't want some guy to go to Hell and be sick! It would take all the sportsmanship out of the whole execution."</em></li> <li><strong>2001 - <em> Complaints and Grievances </em></strong><em>"About 5,000 years ago a bunch of religious and political hustlers got together to try to figure out how to control people, how to keep them in line. They knew people were basically stupid and would believe anything they were told, so they announced that God had given them some commandments, up on a mountain, when no one was around... God had given them the Ten Commandments. Well let me ask you this- when they were making this shit up, why did they pick ten? Why not nine, or eleven? I'll tell you why- because ten sounds official. Ten sounds important! Ten is the basis for the decimal system, it's a decade, it's a psychologically satisfying number, the top ten, the ten most wanted, the ten best dressed. So having ten commandments was really a marketing decision. And it's clearly a bullshit list. It's a political document, artificially inflated to sell better."</em></li> <li><strong>2005 - <em> Life Is Worth Losing </em></strong><em>"The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don’t. You have no choice. You have owners. They own you. They own everything. They own all the important land. They own and control the corporations. They’ve long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls. They got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. They got you by the balls. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying. Lobbying to get what they want. Well, we know what they want. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but I’ll tell you what they don’t want. They don’t want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. They don’t want well-informed, well-educated people capable of critical thinking. They’re not interested in that. That doesn’t help them. That’s against their interests. That’s right."</em></li> <li><strong>2008 - <em> It's Bad for Ya </em></strong><em>"One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're tired."</em></li> <li><strong>2008 - Dies at the age of 71 </strong><em>"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating …and you finish off as an orgasm."</em></li></ul> <blockquote> <p class="text-right">"He had an amazing mind, and his humor was brave and always challenging us to look at ourselves and question our belief systems, while being incredibly entertaining. He was one of the greats."</p> <footer class="text-right">Ben Stiller</footer> </blockquote> <h3 class="text-center">You can read more about George Carlin on his <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Carlin" target="_blank">Wikipedia Page</a></h3> </div>

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