The idea that men and women speak a different language is well-worn in regards to personal relationships, but John Gray , author of the famous relationship guide Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus says the same communication difficulties we struggle with in our personal lives also play out in the office. He, along with gender intelligence specialist Barbara Annis , conducted over 100,000 interviews with male and female executives and coauthored Work With Me to highlight the blind spots in workplace communication that create conflict between the sexes.

They argue there are innate differences between how men and women respond to situations in the workplace and understanding what they are and why they exist can not only facilitate better communication but result in a happier and more productive working environment.

Seventy-two percent of men Gray and Annis surveyed said women ask too many questions. Some men felt these questions slowed down progress and delayed decision-making, while others felt questions were a sign that a female boss was being too controlling or critical.

Women admitted to asking questions but felt their questions were their best contribution; needed to stimulate an exchange of ideas, to build consensus, show concern for others and help arrive at the best possible outcome. Understanding the motivation and finding value the questions rather than be annoyed by them can help to facilitate better communication between the genders and create a more balanced workplace.

While over 50% of women surveyed said they didn’t feel included in the workplace–whether in business social events, casual meetings or conversations–90% of men surveyed felt women had equal opportunities and didn’t feel they excluded women.

So, who is correct? Both, it turns out.

Gray offers an example of a meeting in which men are constantly interrupting each other and throwing their ideas on the table while the women in the room are silent. “The men will just ignore her [because] they assume that she has nothing to say,” says Gray. The woman at the table then feels that the men in the room don’t care what she has to say. What men don’t realize, says Gray, is that women like to be invited into the conversation.