@ELRinley

•Tends to feel like they don't care about Metroid, frankly. They're too busy making Mario and Zelda titles.

If Metroid games sold better then they would get as high priority as Mario and Zelda titles. Nintendo is a business and doesn't purposely like to waste resources to please a smaller fanbase.

•Samus Returns is physically painful to play in part because of their moronic can't-be-disabled aiming mechanic.

That's a personal opinion and one the majority of reviewers and users didn't complain about. Including myself.

•Splatoon AND Splatoon 2 restrict right thumbstick when in motion control mode, making the first game impossible for me to play and the second game REQUIRE handheld mode because thumbstick aiming is bad in most games and motion controls alone mean you'll be spinning and spinning and spinning all day.

Again a issue you personally had for whatever reason, that not a lot of others would agree with you. Including myself.

•How many wires does Splatoon 2 require, again, in order to play with voice chat? How many DEVICES? Now, how many wires does Fortnite require on the same system? Just one? Through the console's built-in TRRS jack? This proves that Nintendo could've actually baked it into the game, or failing that they could've fixed it retroactively.

Discord, it's beautifully easy to use, has text and voice chat. Frankly it's better than anything the PS4, or Xbox One have pre-built in. I wouldn't use a native Nintendo Switch online communication service even it became available. Discord also allows you to voice chat cross platform.

•Clunky menus in Breath of the Wild. No touch input despite being native to a system with touch input. RIP quality of life.

Again most of your issues seem like a you problem and no one else literally cares. Including myself.

•Smash Ultimate has some kind of weird control lag going on that all the Smash nerds keep snarling about. I don't remember the details well.

The reason you don't remember the details is because it's made up, you were grasping for straws to complain about the biggest Switch games and you failed. It's ok to admit failure.

Admittedly, though, the majority of burns come not from the games, but from the consoles. Almost all of them are software-related, however.

•Friend Codes were bad and are still in use. No unique-name or email type functions on the horizon.

Friend Codes do suck but aren't the end of the World, in fact every month or so I Photoshop a new Friend Code card that showcases the newest game I am looking forward to, it also displays which multiplayer games I am currently playing and will be playing soon.

•Nintendo ID is permanently bound to the Wii U.

https://en-americas-support.nintendo.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/1088/~/how-to-delete-a-nintendo-network-id

No they are not

•No Bluetooth audio for the Switch, despite using Bluetooth hardware. The Switch Lite has the same problem. We shouldn't have to buy 3rd party hardware to make up for a software restriction that doesn't benefit anyone, Nintendo included.

This is as dumb as faulting the PS4 for having controllers and headsets that though they use Bluetooth to connect to the PS4 they do not connect natively to the PC via bluetooth.

•Extremely rudimentary and clunky library management on the Switch that only works fluidly for small libraries.

This one I will agree with you, and out of all the features I want immediately on the Switch, simply add folders it will help me manage my collection.

•Single-parent-only parental control app. Said app also places blanket rules over an entire Switch and cannot restrict per-account. And if you bring up "accounts don't have passwords," you'll just be ousting this as a compound flaw.

This is only really a problem with divorced parents, and then even then not a big issue. I simply have the app, I spoke with my ex-wife and set up the app with her. Boom problem solved

•The ENTIRE system governing the "3rd party docks brick Switch consoles" fiasco, which save for Nyko's awful blunder is 100% Nintendo's fault for taking a USB Implementer's Forum specification connector and communication standard and BREAKING specifications in a bunch of ways without communicating the differences to their users or industry partners and instead just doubling down on their Apple-esque "just buy our in-house accessories" rhetoric.

I have the officially licensed Switch backpack that can carry the official dock, not really a big issue. I think most people carting around the system portable don't really care about docking it.

•The amount of clunky, mangled, UX-devoid decisions put into every console's UI since the Wii, with the DS family's menu system frankly being some of the most irritating to use overall and the 3DS and Switch having no excuse given the amount of role models they now have running around.

So you brought up this issue multiple times, yes the menus are not the best, do they sicken or anger me no.