I hate men, I really fucking do. And I hate my dad. And I hate the fact that being aware of female oppression and the ways males actively harm us (be it subconsciously or intentionally) has made it so I can no longer look at my father the same way again, because I finally realized awhile ago that he isn’t the exception. “Not all men” is a lie, it’s bullshit, and it’s nothing but yet another tool men use to keep women down.

So, my dad just got a new job offer. A really big deal, at a big company, with great health insurance benefits, which is perfect for us because I’m disabled and unable to work. The person who would be his boss, if he gets the job, is a woman. And he’s never had a female boss before. I’ll call her “S”. He was just telling me about how he has an interview with her tomorrow, and will be meeting her in person for the first time. So far, he’s only spoken to her over email, and talked to a few people who work for her over the phone.

He told me that he’s excited but he’s anxious because S seems very “fly by the seat of her pants” like she’s “all over the place” and basically made her sound like an impulsive little child incapable of logical thought. This woman is like the head of a major company with departments all over the country. She’s more successful than my dad can even dream of being. And yet…he still finds something to criticize her on, to put her down. He started talking about how he just *knows* she needs someone like him to come in and help take all the “business side of things” off her hands and “reel her in” as if *he* was the one granting *her* a fantastic opportunity, not the other way around.

So I ask him, very, very nicely and not accusatory at all: “please don’t take this the wrong way, and please don’t be mad because I don’t mean this as an attack against you, but can I ask you something? If S were a man, would you still consider this a fault of her’s? Would you have even noticed it, or maybe even taken it as a positive thing?”

Not even exaggerating, those are the literal exact words I used, and I said them in the most submissive, polite tone imaginable. To say he was pissed would be an understatement. The second I opened my mouth, he angrily crossed his arms over his chest, tapping his foot loudly and impatiently on the floor. Huffing. Rolling his eyes. Growling. Doing all those nonverbal body-language cues that man do to show their anger and dominance and make women fear them. And the second I finished asking the question, he went off. How *dare* I say that. How *dare* I question his character. Of *course* he’d feel the same way if S was a man, how *dare* I insinuate otherwise? And when has he *ever* done such a thing?

I went on to try and explain that it’s not all about him. I said how it’s something all *people* do, even subconsciously. I said that everybody does it, and that I do it too sometimes. That a woman can say something and be considered a bitch and too bossy and a bad leader, but if a man said the exact same thing in the exact same way, he’ll be considered strong and a good boss. I told him that, again, it wasn’t personal, it wasn’t an attack against him. I was just asking him to please look at it from another way, and if he says that he’d still think all those things about S if she were a man, then that’s fine! (Even though we all know he wouldn’t….but I didn’t say that.)

That only made him madder. He started yelling…How *dare* I make stupid generalizations about him. He knows he would never think like that because of ~how he grew up~ and his ~character~ and ~where he came from~ and all that defensive male bullshit. Like, he genuinely believes that being called a misogynist (which I didn’t even do!!!) is worse than, ya know, *being* a misogynist. I tried to tell him that, no, I’m not generalizing him. That, again, it’s just something that *everybody* does sometimes! That’s it! It wasn’t personal! I was literally just asking him a fucking question!

Well, that sent him off on a rant about how ~people like me~ who ~generalize everybody~ are ~what’s wrong with the world~ (and he didn’t see the irony in that statement at all.) He went off about how *dare* I keep “pushing” him about this topic, that it’s my fault he’s mad and that we’re fighting because I kept talking about it and all of that…when *he* was the one going on, and I was literally just fucking defending myself and trying to defuse the situation. After that, I just walked away, and he literally disappeared. Like, he just walked out the door and drove off. I still have no idea where the hell he is.

It’s fucking exhausting, man. I’m so tired. It was an innocent question. And, honestly, if he would’ve sat down and actually *thought* about the question, and *thought* about whether or not he’d feel the same way about S if she were a man…it could’ve actually helped him at the interview. But no. He had to act like every other goddamn man on the planet. I just can’t do it anymore.

I know this is pretty tame, it’s not even a big deal whatsoever, but we have fights like this almost every fucking day. Most of them get much, much worse. I posted on here about the fight we had on this past Christmas, which pretty much was the turning point of how we act around each other. That fight got ugly. But the reason I’m so upset about today’s fight is because it’s just…never ending, I guess. It’s never fucking ending. Just one thing after another after another, and he always makes me feel crazy and stupid and worthless. He makes me feel insane, like I’m actually fucking insane for being upset at the way he treats me, or for disagreeing with him. I hate it. And I can’t do it anymore.

But we’re fucking stuck. *I’m* fucking stuck. I don’t have anywhere else to go. I’m disabled with a debilitatingly painful chronic illness that leaves me bedridden most days and I’m completely unable to work, let alone able to get a place far away from him. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Sorry for the novel. I just needed to vent.