Anonymous asked:

I’m Indonesian woman, and my boyfriend is Korean. We met 1 year ago online, we have been chatting online for about 1 month and then we realized that we have some kind of feelings for each other, so he decided to come to my place in Indonesia. At that time I thought he just wants to travel and in same time wants to meet me. But then, 3 days after we have met in person we felt the same feelings and he asked me to be his girlfriend, so we still kept in contact even more seriously and then arranged to go traveling together for almost 2 weeks. The third time we met, I visited him, and the last time we met after 4 months – he came to see me in Indonesia.

Well… there’s lot of negative thought from all of my friends, they seems to doubt our relationship, since we are interracial, inter religion, too many barriers. But when he visited me where I live, I introduced him to my closest friends, and after they know him in person, they realized, he is really serious about me.

Well, the last meeting he already proposed to me, asking if i want to marry with my Korean boyfriend. At that time I thought he was teasing me, so I teased him back by answering No… but his expression looked really serious, and I found out that he was serious.

But still our family is not yet involved in this relationship; he and I have not yet had the courage to tell our family about this situation.

Currently he is staying in Australia for continuing his Master degree which takes more than 2 years to finish. I’m not a young girl anymore, I’m going 28 and he is 29/30 Korean age. I have no idea what to do with this relationship, he asked me just wait for him, but he didn’t give me any clue, what will happen after I wait for him..

So how should I ask him, to make sure this relationship is going to the right way – marriage?

Thanks.

(We shortened this question a bit, to see it in its full glory, click here Ask Us.)

Answer:

It’s easy to bring up the subject of marriage with your boyfriend. He already did it for you. He asked the question so all you need to do is change the answer. Say: “You know that question you asked me before? The answer is yes.” :)

Our friends are sometimes able to see a bad trait in our significant other which we are not because love is blinding us to it. However, it seems your friends had complaints about your boyfriend only before they met him.

I don’t have experience with Korean-Indonesian marriages, but I don’t see why it would be much different than other marriages across cultures.

It is true that different cultures, different religions and a language barrier can seem too much at times (which is precisely why we have written about all of those topics already, in relation to dating Korean men, and you can read it if you follow the links, to get more perspective). But I believe that in any relationship you need to put the other person’s needs in front of your own. And especially in these kinds of relationships. If you make his culture, his language and his religion more important than your own and (equally important!) he does the same for you, then you won’t have (m)any problems. I say this from previous personal experience: the conflict only arises if you feel the person you love, who should be respecting you, is looking down on you because of your culture or religion and making you feel like you have to defend your background and who you are.

With Kimchi Man, I am very lucky. He always tells me Korea sucks. ^^ I know he doesn’t completely feel that way but his attitude makes me able to love him and freely like Korea without feeling that either of them is too foreign.

I think you are still young and there is no reason to rush anything. In relationships which are long distance and intercultural it is better to take things a bit slower because it takes a longer time to get to know the person. There is plenty of time to marry later. Of course, it is much more important how you feel than what I think. If you are certain he is the one, then wait for him, 2 years is not such a long time. If it is important to you that you get married as soon as possible then a man closer to your home and closer to your mindset, who you will have easier time getting to know quicker, might be a better choice.

Previously I had a question from a woman whose Korean boyfriend didn’t want to tell his parents about their relationship. She is worried that might be a sign he is not as commited as she is. Since neither you nor your boyfriend told your parents, could you share your reasons with her in the comments bellow? Maybe it will help with her Korean boyfriend problems.

How do our non-Korean readers feel? Would you marry a Korean man despite cultural differences and the distance?