Don’t trust men, because one might rape you

Don’t drive cars, because one might lose control on the road and kill you

Don’t try new foods, because one type might unexpectedly make you sick

Don’t sleep in new places, because one might give you carbon monoxide poisoning

Don’t handle paper, because one might give you a paper cut

Don’t wash your body and hair with soap and shampoo, because you could contract cancer

Don’t walk outside, because lightning could strike you dead

Don’t go to school, because some nutjob with access to guns might shoot you

Don’t take medication when you’re sick, because you could develop one of the more rare side effects

Don’t vaccinate from deadly diseases, because you could develop autism

Don’t eat M&Ms, because 10% of them could supposedly poison you

Don’t ever go out to bars or clubs, because someone might drug your drink

Don’t ever go out in public at all while you’re at it, because someone might kidnap you

Don’t ever apply to get a job, because there could at some point be a disgruntled employee who has access to guns

Don’t ever be nice to people, because they might take it the wrong way

Don’t ever do anything, because something unexpectedly bad could happen