



“I’m Prozak!”

A short story by Wilhelm (2009)

****



[Early Morning. Somewhere in a discreet New York subway station. A large aggregate boards the train. Train takes off. Silence inside. Dreary souls abound.]



[A man, face twisted with determination stands from his seat and confronts the aggregate. He shouts:]



Random person #1: I’m Prozak!



[Momentary silence. Then an obese woman, age undetermined, bounces off her seat and retorts:]



Random person #2: No…… I’M PROZAK!



[Young punk with green runners and bullring throws down his iPod and screams:]



Random person #3: Hey, fuck you bitch, I'M PROZAK and I have PROOF!



[The aggregate begins to seethe and suddenly the train erupts into disorder:]



Random person#4: I’m PROZAK!



Random person #5: No, I am!!!!



Random person #6: [knocks over elderly women on way to front of the aggregate] PROZAK?!?!?!!? Hey, THAT’S ME!!



Random person #7: [throws scalding hot coffee onto Random person # 6 who falls over into a screaming heap] Oh no you’re not! I’M PROZAK!!!!!!!!



[More chaos, fights erupt, scalding hot coffee flies this way and that.]



Persona al azar número 8: ¡Diablos! ¡Soy Prozak!!!!!!!!



[Train disappears into the darkness. Quite in the shaft. A rat scurries about; water drips from a rusted pipe in the distance.]



--



[….Meanwhile, many miles above earth in a NASA space shuttle]



Buzz #1: [floating out of cockpit] Hey Buzz #2, I just received a strange transmission from Earth.



Buzz #2: [back turned; smearing peanut butter on a piece of toast] Yes Buzz #1, what was the transmission?



Buzz #1: [Pauses] Well sir, uh, it was coming from New York….all I heard was something like “I am Prozak.”



Buzz #2: [Tenses; releases toast, bread drifts away]



Buzz #1: Sir, are you OK?



Buzz #2: IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!!!



Buzz #1: I don’t understand, sir. What is impossible?



Buzz #2: IMPOSSIBLE! [turns around, brushes curly auburn hair from face] IMPOSSIBLE…….I AM PROZAK!!!!!!!!!



Buzz #1: [Mouth agape.]



THE END



FMP



There's some debate as to who Spinoza Ray Prozak is in real life. Some claim he is another poster in the metal underground named Wilhelm; others claim he is a group of people making up random stuff to make fun of others. Still others suggest a single person is behind it all. This story satirizes the situation:If you read the writings on that site, it's clear that it's more than one person, which explains why there's so much of it.