“Cameras rolling? You got your radio recording devices on? Get ‘em on.”

Mike Petke, normally a man of few words*, unleashed what is certainly his best press conference as Real Salt Lake coach, and it’s undoubtedly the best conference the team has seen since 2013.

After a night of frustration against Sporting Kansas City and some questionable referee decisions, Mike Petke was sent off by referee Nima Saghafi after he went ballistic following a violent, dangerous tackle on Luke Mulholland.

Combine that with this week’s MLS decision to not revoke the Kyle Beckerman red card received for extending his arm during the run of play, and we knew we would be in for a treat with Petke’s press conference following the match.

But this was better than you could have ever expected. Petke started the press conference with two handouts — printed copies of a shot from Kansas City’s last match and a shot from this match. Even better, he said he’d have two more, but, and I quote, “the freaking printer broke.”

Here's the first picture Petke shows. pic.twitter.com/gUOSGYbtP0 — Maddie Lee (@maddie_m_lee) July 23, 2017

And here’s the shot of Plata in what Petke called “a freaking headlock.”

Amazing stuff, really. You really should just watch the press conference, because it’s the best thing you’ll thing see all night.

And if you’re wondering why Petke bothered to go through the work of printing all this up and going through the effort, he explained it perfectly: “If I do not act the way I do, I can’t sleep the next four weeks. I have players here that, over the last couple games, have given me everything, that have bought in. Everything. Tonight, they’ve given me everything.”