Hi! Me Unmarried Man Over Thirty. Call me UMOT! You pretty lady! I act same way I did 15 years ago. I hang with buddies, drink beer, smoke pot, play video games. Maybe in band? Play music! UMOT no want to grow up! I want to bang on my drum all day!

Sometimes UMOT get sad. UMOT’s friends get married and leave UMOT! This makes UMOT question fundamental lifestyle choices! Maybe UMOT should no have sold all personal belongings to follow Phish for three years/live in Costa Rican Jungle/hike the Appalachian Trail? UMOT do what UMOT want to do. That it! I no like do things I no like doing!

UMOT likes sexy with ladies but UMOT no want commitment. That why I date women who younger than me by 7 years minimum. They no make me feel immature. They no threaten poor decision making skills. I no commit to nothing besides beer, spliff!

I make baby in 10 to 15 years with pretty young lady who make baby easy! No lady my age need apply. You make UMOT uneasy with independence, intelligence. Scares UMOT. I no like lady my age! Go away lady my age! Go away!

Nice to talk to pretty lady! Maybe I text later? Maybe hang at my studio apartment? Make sexy? Okay, me tired now. Me drank PBR, tequila until early morning and must sleep now on second hand mattress. Night, night, pretty lady. UMOT go Dreamland. Me text later.