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We know as well as anyone that women enjoy sex just as much as men do—just not with you. Sorry to break it to you, but it’s not like it’s our fault. That’s why we’re so thrilled that a product has finally come along that deals with the reality of sex for many women—specifically, your partners. At long last, science has developed desensitizing condoms that blissfully let her feel nothing at all.

It’s Not Her, It’s You

Traditionally, condoms are aimed at increasing sensitivity for male pleasure. They’ve been making them thinner and thinner until they are actually wearable as nylons (we’ve tried). Unfortunately, what most condom designers, and also you, have failed to consider is that there’s a whole other person involved in heterosexual humping. While you might want to feel as close to her skin as you can get, she would honestly rather slip a sweater between your veiny fire hose and her innards.

Cushion Her Vagina Like She Cushions Your Ego

The good news is that she, for whatever reason, loves you enough to put up with your weird shit. Whether it’s in return for your kindness and support or just a lifetime of conditioning to be sexually subservient, she frequently consents to your disgusting sexual desires. The least you could do in return is to accept her for being bored and a little hungry. The desensitizing condom is the perfect way to say “Hey, I know you’d rather be having even a medium-good sandwich than letting me paw you right now, so go ahead, daydream about that rye bread while I take care of this.”

It Beats The Alternative

We know it’s difficult realizing that what your lady really wants in bed is for you to just fucking finish, but at least now there’s something you can do about it. Sure, you could try to actually focus on her sexual wants and needs, but this way, you don’t have to! The thoughtfulness of the desensitizing condom scores you points for being considerate without any actual work, and doing nothing is exactly what she’s come to expect from you.

Image: Pixabay, Pixabay, Pixabay

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