Fatherhood is a tricky proposition. We all want to be great dads, but chances are, our fathers never sat down with us and taught us how to be a better father.

And we don’t necessarily want to be our fathers. I mean, we want to emulate their positive influence on us, but we also want to do it our own way. And because children tend to spend more of their time with their mother, not being the greatest dad ever isn’t as obvious. No matter who we are, though, we can always improve our relationship with our kids and our spouse, and we can redefine the meaning of fatherhood each and every day.

There’s not as big of a movement toward how to be a better father as there is toward better mothering. No big fancy fatherhood magazines, no Oprah for dads, no real exchange of fatherhood improvement programs. There’s just Natural Papa. (I’m kidding. There’s a bunch of great dad blogs out there.)

I’m a crappy dad sometimes, yet I hope that I’m always learning how to be a better father, so I felt moved to put some of my thoughts on fatherhood down in words to share with you.

I read a post called ‘Tackle Any Issue With a List of 100’, by Luciano Passuello, a couple of weeks ago, and then later I came across ‘100 Ways To Live A Better Life, by Dragos, which was inspired by ‘100 Ways to Be a Better Leader’, by Mike King, which was inspired by ‘100 Ways To Show Boldness’, by Armen, which was originally inspired by… You guessed it, Luciano’s post about lists of 100. Whew. Got that straight?

Anyway, after reading those, I thought I would format my ideas on fatherhood into my own list of 100 ways to be a better father. If you have something to add, I’d love a comment about it.

100 Ways to be a Better Father

Do you say no all the time? Say yes once in a while. Snuggle with your kids. Show your wife respect always. Make sure your kids do also. Take the time to really explain things to your children. Don’t just say “because I said so.” Ask for help if you need it. Don’t suffer from excess pride. Accept who you are, but don’t settle. Strive to improve yourself every day. Smile at your children and your partner. Make amends when you’re wrong or grumpy or harsh with your kids. Periodically assess your life and change course if needed. Don’t be unhappy just because you think you can’t change. Take a class or learn a new skill with your kids. Act as if you’re the best dad ever. Imagine you’ve only got one week left to live. How would you treat your kids? What’s stopping you from doing that right now? Let your kids see you cry. Explore every park in your town. Once in a while, take a day off just because, and spend it with your family. Find out about your family history and start sharing it with your kids. Give high fives for each tiny accomplishment they make. Get out of debt as quick as you can, and teach your kids about the value of being debt-free. Take a big leap when you see an opportunity, and show your children about trust, faith, and the virtue of following your dreams. Get down on their level and try to see things as they do. Chances are, you’ve forgotten what it’s like. Learn some really corny kid jokes and use them often. Hold a family meeting and get your kid’s input on important decisions. Don’t just give your kids the answers to questions. Show them how to find the answers. Remember, they’re never too old for piggyback rides. Have patience with your children. Don’t expect them to be perfect. Don’t insist on conformity. Let your kids follow their dreams, not yours. Hold their hands, literally. Remember to let your children save face. Embarrassing them in front of their friends is not cool. Keep your relationship issues between you and your wife. Don’t let your kids take on all your crap. When your children were babies, you gushed over them. Do the same thing for them now. Don’t gossip around your kids. Stand up for the weak, the oppressed, the underdog. Grow a beard. (Actually, I just put that in to see if you were paying attention.) Take your child to work with you and explain what you do for a living. Make something by hand with them. Don’t worry about perfection, just enjoy the process. Once in a while, give them a “get out of jail free” card. Tell your children how much they mean to you. Follow through on your promises to them. Give your kids responsibilities. Speak to your children as your equals. Give them the respect you ask for. Plan surprises for them and keep them guessing. When speaking to other adults, act as if your kids were listening. Play games with your children. Let them win sometimes, but don’t make it obvious or easy. Before you walk in the door from work, take some deep breaths and leave your work outside. Give mom the day off once in a while, and get the kids to help you pamper her. Be generous with your time, your energy, and your money. Give freely to those in need. Cultivate your fatherhood Superpowers. Don’t let other adults get away with unacceptable behavior around your kids. Remember the Golden Rule. It does apply to your children as well. Find your center and define what truly matters to you. Make that your inner retreat when life throws you a curve ball, and share that with your kids.

What have I missed? Please leave a comment with your addition to this list of ways to be a better father.