Trying out no emotion

















So, today i wanted to do a little experiment. I wanted to try and be as logical as possible with my mother, and try not to have any emotion reaction whatsoever. Kind of like the lawyers do in a court meeting, where they try not to add any emotion at all, just pure logical explanations, and facts that support the argument.





lets just say, my mom was frustrated the entire day.









so, in the afternoon, my mom wants to go to a big warehouse tore called win-co to get food, because we completely ran out of food. She stopped by my grandparents house to get money first.

After that, we were driving and on our way to win-co when she said she changed her mind, and didn't want to go in win-co. I told her that we don't have that much money, and win-co has the best prices on food. so i convinced her to go to win-co.

When we got there, there was a man walking in the parking lot, kind of taking up space, and my mom said "Its because he is Russian that he is walking in the middle of the road." I thought that that was very stereotypical of her to say, and i asked her. "what makes you think that he is Russian?" she replied and said "Because of his nose." This made no sense to me. Everyone has a different nose shape, And a Russian does not have a specific nose shape. Noses are all shapes and sizes. So i said "mom, you cant tell somebody is Russian by their nose shape. Everyone has all different shapes and sizes of noses." she argued and said "I KNOW what a Russian nose looks like. Don't try and make me feel stupid. I've seen enough Russian guys to know what they look like." i laughed and said, "You shouldn't assume that somebody is Russian because of the shape of their nose. I bet, if you go up to him and ask him if he is Russian, he will say no. So go up to him and ask him." She got EXTREMELY mad at me, and just sat in the car yelling at me, asking why i have to be so rude to her all the time, and that i never listen to what she has to say, and that i always criticize her. She sat in the car, and i asked her, "are you ready to go inside now?" and she was having an anxiety attack, and said: "people are going to harass me in here." people have never ever harassed her in that store, and i told her that everything would be fine. She just kept on yelling at me, and refusing to get out of the car. She was acting very immature, like a 5 year old when they have a tantrum. It was 30 minutes of waiting in the car, and i asked her, "are you ready to go inside now?" And she said "Quit bullying me, you are acting just like your dad, and you don't care about me." so, i offered to go into the store myself and get the things we needed, but she just flat out said "no" and refused to explain herself. so after patiently waiting in the car, my mom finally got out, and we went into the store. When i got to the canned soup isle, i was looking for good soups for about a minute, and then my mom yelled at me to stop looking for soup because "we don't need it." and then when we got to the power bar section, my mom took at least 5 minutes to look for one energy bar, and i did not complain at all. She bought wine with the money that my grandparents gave her, instead of spending it on a pot that we need desperately.

After the store, around dinner time i cooked a garden burger in the microwave, and was making my burger, when my mom came out and started to complain to me about her relationship with her boyfriend, and how he is always gone. (i wonder why) she always thinks he is cheating on her, and tells me her new paranoia of how he is cheating on her, and explains everything in detail for me. It takes about 2 hours for her to finally stop talking. I was so busy making my sandwich, that i just kept on saying "uh huh" because i really did not feel like listening to her complaining. Well she got mad at me, and accused me of not caring, and then brought my boyfriend up, and accused him of hating her boyfriend and ruining the relationship between her and her boyfriend, and ruining her life. At that point i had enough of her shit for one day, and i decided to stick up for myself and tell her how i felt. I told her to calm down, and stop being so negative towards me. She would not calm down, and so i told her in a calm voice "You know what? I am SICK of your attitude towards me. There is no reason for you to act this way all the time, and you constantly criticize me, and make me out to be this bad person. You need to just calm down, and stop blaming other people for your problems." She then said to me, "I want to kill myself, and i bet nobody would care. You don't care about me, and you don't care if i died. You are so cold towards me, and you never say anything nice, even though now i am working." and then i said "Did you even hear what i just said to you? You are acting like a child. You are making a bunch of drama for nothing, and i am sick of it. And don't even try to bring Drew into your relationship problems. It is your problem not his. I told you a few days ago that I wanted to kill myself. You have said NOTHING to me, or confronted me about it at all. What makes you think that you can just go out and say that you want to kill yourself, and that nobody would care? Why don't you just grow up and take things like an adult for once. I have to deal with stress every single day, I go to work as a student and only get 2 days off all to myself. And in those two days, I have Homework, chores, and laundry. In all that time, i have to make time for myself, my boyfriend, and YOU. Be happy that you are even on my list of things i need to spend time with. I haven't seen my friends out of school for 2 Months!"

After that, she just kind of shut up, and i went into my room.





later that day, she said that she wants to go in Khols, to get a pot, but she told me she would not go alone, so i decided to go with her. All seemed to go well, i even found a really cute winter hat. But my mom realized how expensive the pots and pans were there, so she ended up not getting one, and she got herself a t-shirt, and some sippers. Don't ask me where she gets her money. She owes me like 60 bucks. I'm giving her a bit of a break. If i keep asking for my money, she accuses me of harassing and bullying her. Anywhore, when we were done in there, she drove off, and went to the intersection. you could go left or right, and she usually goes left, and there was a left turn lane, but she wasn't in the left turn lane, and did not have her blinker on. I told her, "you are in the wrong lane." And she completely went off on me, and screamed and yelled at me saying, "I AM IN THE RIGHT LANE!" and slammed on the accelerator, and took a right instead of a left. which was fine for the lane she was in. She kept on yelling at me, telling me how disrespectful and rude i am, and she kept on interrupting me when i tried to explain. When she finally got quiet, I did not apologize and said "I thought that you were going to take a left, so that is why i said that you were in the wrong lane." She yelled at me that i was wrong, and that she would have been in the right lane if she took a left too. I replied saying "but there was a left turn lane for going left." and she screamed back "NO THERE WASN'T. THERE WERE ONLY TWO LANES, AND THE OTHER LANE WAS THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION!!" this was really annoying, because there was clearly a left turn lane to turn left on her side of the street, and she was trying to tell me that there was no left turn lane when there was. I said "No, there was a left turn lane there, we can go back and look if you want. I want to know if there was no left turn lane there." She got furious with me, and refused to turn around, and called me crazy, and said that she wasn't ever going to let me drive, because it is too crazy to drive back and find out if i am going to drive like that. Which made no sense, when i really just wanted to know if she was right or not, when i know i saw a left turn lane there. She just kept on yelling at me, while i calmly tried to explain myself. I didn't care at that point. I tried to have the least amount of emotion in my voice as possible, and i was so logical and emotionless while my mom was yelling at me, that i had pissed her off further. She yelled at me saying "WHY ARE YOU SO EMOTIONLESS? YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME. YOU ARE ACTING EXACTLY LIKE YOUR DAD. WHY DON'T YOU GO LIVE WITH HIM IF YOU WANT TO BEHAVE LIKE HIM. YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME, AND YOU DON'T CARE WHAT I DO FOR YOU, AND REVOLVING MY LIFE AROUND YOU IS RUINING MY LIFE!" Then she said she was going to kill herself, and she said that i needed to live with my dad. She tried to drive me to my grandmas house saying that she cant take me anymore. I told her "Don't you think i should get some of my things first? I have school tomorrow." and she flat out said "no". and then i said, "well don't you think that's a bit selfish? I cant even get my pajamas, or my backpack?" she then said she didn't care. then i said, "my grandparents are old... They cant wake up every day at 6 in the morning to get me to school." She then stopped the car and said "Then convince me to go back home and turn around." I replied and said, "I can't convince you to do anything, and i'm not going to tell you that i am sorry and everything is my fault, just to make you satisfied and take me back home. There was a long pause and then i said "I already said, that i thought that you were going to take a left, that is why i said that you were in the wrong lane. I don't know why you are still so upset over such a little thing." She turned the car around and she said that anyone would get really pissed off if somebody accused them of being in the wrong lane. She asked me how i would fee if somebody told me i was in the wrong lane lane when i wasn't. I said, "Well, for starters, i would not get mad at all. Getting mad behind the wheel can be dangerous. I would think about what i had done, and would think about any errors i made, or if i didn't even realize i had made a mistake. I would go back to the place i had turned, and redo the turn so i know if i had made a mistake or not. And if i had made a mistake, i would do it the right way." She was so mad at me, the rest of the way home she drove angry and told me how bad of a driver i was going to be. I just stood there in the car, knowing that when my mom gets this mad, it means i had won over her argument, with logic. This was the first time i had felt no emotion to her harsh words and i had no emotion to my words, which made her extremely angry, because it had not hurt me.