Will Legend is an Asian dating columnist who has written dating articles for Elite Daily, Girls Chase, and several other publications.

A couple of months ago, I had a conversation with a girl who said that she prefers guys who are vulnerable. It stuck out to me primarily because of how counter-intuitive it sounded. Vulnerable? Really? When I thought of vulnerable, I thought of weak and submissive. Don’t girls prefer guys who are strong alpha males? Basically, I concluded that either 1) the girl was in the minority (girls who find vulnerability attractive), or 2) the girl was just full of crap. Anyway, fast forward to a week ago, where I’m reading Mark Manson’s book, Models. And sure enough, there’s a section on why being vulnerable is unbelievably attractive.

WHAT IS VULNERABILITY?

Before we go into what vulnerability IS, let’s discuss what vulnerability ISN’T. It isn’t approaching a girl and pouring your heart out over how your girlfriend cheated on you and dumped you. It isn’t approaching a girl and fabricating a story about how your dog died the other day.

Vulnerability has a genuine feel to it, and women are instinctual when it comes to determining whether you’re bullshitting or whether you’re being genuine.

Instead, being vulnerable is having the courage to put yourself (your true self) out there. Some guys will approach girls half-heartedly. Because if they get rejected, the idea that they only committed a half-hearted effort will soften the blow. Ironically, with this approach, the chance of rejection is sky high.

On the other hand, guys who show vulnerability will never put in a half-hearted approach. They put themselves out there 100%. It’s more of the: “This is who I am, and this is what I believe in. I’ve got strengths, but I’ve also got weaknesses. You can either take it or leave it.” When you’re vulnerable, you put yourself in a position to potentially crash and burn. And if that does happen, you’re perfectly okay with it.

Vulnerability isn’t just approaching women. It leaks out to all aspects of life. It’s taking risks. It’s admitting that you have fears and insecurities, but that you’re still willing to take the risk. Maybe it’s a career change, maybe it’s a lifestyle change. But being vulnerable means you’re willing to dedicate yourself 100% to something, even if the outcome sucks.

WHY IS IT ATTRACTIVE?

Vulnerability is attractive because it’s an indicator of high status.

A high status male has a set of values that he firmly believes in. Again, more of the: “This is who I am, and this is what I believe in.” That doesn’t mean he’s stubborn. If he’s in the wrong, he’ll admit it without much hesitation. After all, there’s no reason for him to hide his weaknesses.

On the other hand, a low status male will do anything for approval. He doesn’t have his own set of values; he adheres to the values of the group. But if he’s in the wrong, he’ll come up with a lame excuse or shift the blame to someone else.

Which do you think women find more attractive? Of course it’s the high status male, who is confident – confident enough to take the calculated risks. This is a male who is not afraid of rejection, because rejection doesn’t invalidate anything. And because of this, he continues to progress, while the low status male “plays not to lose.”

Becoming vulnerable is not easy. You will alienate people; you will fail. But who cares? As cliché as it sounds, failure is often a required element for success. Ultimately, the reward of being comfortable with who you are is tremendous. So start failing today!

Written by Will Legend