Opinion: Coronavirus Can’t Melt Steel Beams

Coronavirus can’t melt steel beams, sheeple! Have you got that through your thick skulls yet? It must be hard when your cognitive functioning is fucked by the same childhood vaccinations that turned Michael Jackson white.

Sorry folks, but I don’t swallow every idea spoon-fed to me by the media. While you’re all getting manipulated like pawns on a chessboard by the Illuminati, I’m connecting the dots and exposing the lies. I didn’t listen to my teachers, I don’t follow rules, and I will never fucking wash my hands.

FACT! The moon landing was faked by famous director M. Night Shyamalan. FACT! The Slender Man was in Dallas on November 22nd, 1963. FACT! Chemtrails are real, but My Chemical Romance are posers. FACT! My mom rode professional motocross while she was pregnant with me.

Oops, did I just shatter your entire universe? Sorry, I can’t help it. Once you take that red pill, you can’t go back. And I’ve been taking red pills all damn day, baby. I found a bottle of them in a field while conducting Flat Earther experiments.

The propaganda is worse than ever. “Don’t go outside.” Yeah, sure. “Don’t interact with other people.” Gee, I wonder why? “Don’t leave the country.” Sure thing, Mr. Government Man. “Don’t eat that, it’s just for decoration.” Fuck you, I won’t do what you told me!

Open your goddamn eyes! The coronavirus is just another distraction. Our entire history is a joke. I bet you never even noticed that “Jeffrey Epstein” is an anagram for “Effrey Jepstein”…do the math!

Even if you think you know, you have no idea. This isn’t Conspiracy Theories 101, it’s the master class. “Paul is dead”? Give me a break. Did you even see the end of the movie? If he died, then how exactly did they make “Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2”? Do some fucking research.

I better get out of here before the feds knock down the door and get me banned from this Panera again. Stay safe out there and remember, The CIA killed Paul Walker.