When the demon is unleashed, love still has to mean passion for your mate—without manipulation.

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On the series Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Angel (Angelus) turns evil after experiencing one moment of true happiness when he makes love to Buffy. For those of you that don’t know the story, I’ll break it down for you:

Angel is a 200 plus-year-old vampire who tortured and maimed several human beings. He was known for being especially malicious to his victims psychologically.

Angelus murdered a young gypsy girl and this time he went too far. The tribe of gypsies cursed him with a soul. This meant that he was aware of every terrible act he had committed over the years. He could no longer carelessly kill human beings, because the thought of hurting anyone else made him physically ill. And he’s a vampire. Oh snap! That sucks dude. I’m sorry. Instead of feasting on live humans, homeboy subsisted on O Positive bags that he got from Sunnydale Hospital. Hey man, whatever works.

Angelus turned into Angel when he was given a soul. BYE BYE EVIL VILLAIN. Now he’s gotta be a wimp.

Many Buffy fans think that Angel is way less interesting than Angelus and they are right. Angel is kind of a dip shit. Angelus is a fucking bad ass. One of the best lines in the entire series is this:

Angelus: (to Buffy) You made me the man I am today.

Buffy is responsible for the removal of Angel’s soul. There was one catch to the gypsy curse: if Angel had one moment of true happiness, he would lose his soul and become the evil Angelus again. Buffy lost her virginity to Angel and directly after “giving him a happy” (the show’s words not mine) lame ass Angel becomes Angelus again. They fall asleep after they bang and when he wakes up, Angel is in an extraordinary amount of pain. He runs out into the street moaning (not in a sexual way I might add) “BUFFFFYYYYYY!”

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Shit is about to go down.

The scene changes. Angel is curled up nearly in the fetal position in an alleyway. Boo hoo (thinks the viewer), poor baby. Until he is disturbed by a female passerby.

“Are you okay?” She asks while smoking a cigarette. Obviously, she was more worried about this poor vampire than lung cancer.

Angelus emerges, sucks the woman dry of blood and blows smoke out of his mouth. He then says that he is feeling just fine. HE JUST MURDERED SOMEONE. Angel the cowering fool has left the building. When Angelus sees Buffy again, he acts flippantly about the fact that they slept together. She even tells him that she loves him and he replies casually “Yeah, love you too.”

Let’s look at this on the surface. Buffy (a teenage girl) sleeps with an older man/vampire and what happens? The dude turns evil.

How many women has this happened to? Thousands. Millions. We cannot even count anymore. That is not the point, though. The point is this. Once this asshole turns evil, he still loves Buffy. He just displays it differently. Angel was shy and emotionally available. He tenderly kissed Buffy, told her he loved her and tried to keep her safe. Once the demon was unleashed in Angelus, he feels the same fiery passion and love for Buffy, except that he uses that passion to torture her.

This is the strange way that he externalizes his love for her.

◊♦◊

This dynamic is the epitome of an abusive relationship. It has happened to many women I know. A woman enters into a relationship with a dude thinking he is one way. Then they get emotionally involved, she becomes emotionally invested and all of a sudden his true colors come out and he is an evil son of a bitch. The tale of Angel and Buffy is a parable. It’s a cautionary tale. You cannot control who you love, but you can take steps to protect yourself when your lover becomes a demon.

I mean, Buffy had to kill Angelus to stop him. But guess what?

That motherfucker came back from the demon dimension of hell and surprised her during her senior year of Sunnydale High School?

What does this show us? When you are in a dysfunctional (abusive) relationship, your lover is difficult to break ties with. They might become a demon, get murdered and come back to haunt you; just as a for instance.

What is the moral of the story?

Don’t fall in love with a guy that has a scary dark side…err…or try not to.

How do you know if you are in an abusive relationship?

Abuse can be physical or verbal. Here are some signs that you are in verbally abusive relationship:

Your partner says things to deliberately make you feel badly about yourself

Your partner humiliates you in public places

Your partner is jealous and/or possessive

Your partner intentionally ignores your accomplishments and life triumphs

Your partner has an unpredictable temper and lashes out at you

Your partner limits your free time and resources to money

Your partner threatens to kill themselves if you leave them

You can read more here:

If you are experiencing some of these signs, I encourage you to seek the help of a licensed mental health professional to guide you through the process of getting out of this toxic relationship.

Know this: you are not alone. You did nothing wrong. You loved with your heart and soul and your partner doesn’t love themselves so they are incapable of showing you love. It is not your fault. You will get through this.

Buffy did.

After some time, Buffy and Angel parted ways. They both knew the relationship was dysfunctional and toxic. Angel left Sunnydale and went to live in Los Angeles so he could work on himself and be a better vampire.

You are not alone.

I am with you.

I have been there and come out the other side.