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In the world that exists outside the leafy confines of university campuses, with their tenured professors on comfortable salaries and student agitators in search of a utopian culture, the fevered debate taking place over the use of gender-specific pronouns must seem more than just a little ridiculous.

Who cares about a stupid pronoun, you may think. Just what is a pronoun, anyway? For most people, grammar studies ended somewhere around the sixth grade, along with phonics. (And anyone who can remember what phonics was all about, drop me a line). Anyone for a dangling modifier? Care for a conjunctive adverb? Or would you prefer to share a gerund? (You can have the reds, but save the black ones for me).

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A pronoun is a word that stands in for a noun. Him, her, he, she, they, it, I and you are all pronouns. Boys are him, girls are her. No controversy there, right?

If that’s what you think, you haven’t been on a campus lately, and lucky for you. University Of Toronto professor Jordan Peterson has been engulfed in a raging controversy because he objects to being ordered to use whatever pronoun his students may demand, even if it’s not one 99% of Canadians would recognize. If a student wants to be identified as xe (or ze, or zee), Peterson is supposed to refer to him as xe. If an individual demands to be identified as “they,” Peterson is supposed to say “they.” “Hir”, pronounced “here” can stand in for her, him, his, they or theirs. He’s supposed to memorize all the options, note each individual preference, and alter his vocabulary accordingly.