ETNA, PA—Moments after watching him finish his fifth alcoholic beverage at the Crow’s Nest Bar and Grill Thursday night, sources reported local man Chris Serna, 32, had completed the task of getting drunk with a high degree of efficiency and skill. “Mr. Serna has a clear goal, which is getting drunk, and as of now he is doing an exceptionally good job of achieving that goal,” Crow’s Nest bartender Gavin Morey, 40, said of Serna’s focused, driven consumption of draft beers, which he reportedly ordered and dispatched with both alacrity and precision in the space of 90 minutes. “He understands the process of becoming inebriated, and he executes that process with a great deal of proficiency. I would rate his getting-drunk capabilities very highly, and in fact among the stronger efforts I’ve seen tonight.” At press time, Serna was reportedly doing an expert job of programming AC/DC’s “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap” five times in a row on the bar’s jukebox.

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