8am: I am sitting on the couch reading City of Djinns at a snail’s pace because I just don’t want it to get over, when my sister-in-law pops in for a cup of tea. She sits down, peers at me and says, “What is this printed on your T-shirt… your name and these numbers? Wait! Are these your tenth standard grades?”

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I reply, “Yes, and my twelfth standard grades are also printed on the back. I made it myself. It is very easy; just need to print your matter on a special transfer paper and iron it onto your T-shirt.

Also Read: Mystery Solved, Narendra Modi Got A First Class In His MA From Gujarat University

Ever since I found out that Mr Kejriwal is asking people for proof of their educational qualifications, I have taken this precautionary measure. Now I don’t have to give anyone a long-winded answer. I can just say, ‘Been there, done that, got the proverbial T-shirt.”’

Also Read: Even If He's A 12th Pass Chaiwalla, Here's Why India Shouldn't Care About Modi's Academic Credentials

You know, if I were Arun Jaitley I would have told the Prime Minister the same thing, “Modiji, forget making me and Amit bhai hold your degrees up on national television like we are your proud parents. Remember you wore a suit with your name all over? Just wear a similar suit, this time with your MA degree certificate printed all over and then you can come on stage and say, ‘Read the fine print, mitron! Don’t underestimate us, hum hain AAP ke bhi baap!”’

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11am: The temperature in Delhi has risen overnight partly due to Rishi Kapoor’s remarks about the Gandhi family naming national assets after their family members, like the Indira Gandhi International Airport. This made the Congress party’s blood boil and their workers immediately gathered to pelt stones at Mr Kapoor’s house, though freedom of speech means that Mr Kapoor has every right to state his opinion. At this point, Mr Kapoor’s sympathetic neighbours began blasting a famous song from his superhit movie Laila Majnu, ‘Koi pathar se na mare mere deewane ko’, but it did not faze Congress workers and they persisted with their appalling undertaking.

Speaking of Rajan...

2pm: Sitting at my store, I look at the news online and realize that on one hand, there is a frenzy regarding our PM’s educational qualifications, and on the other hand people are petitioning to remove the one man truly qualified for his job, the man who has even more degrees than Mr Kejriwal: our very own Reserve Bank of India governor, the dapper Tamilian Raghuram Rajan. BJP MP Subramanian Swamy, who is also an economist along with being a fellow Tamilian, has written to the Prime Minister asking for Mr Rajan’s services to be terminated not because he has forged his qualifications, but simply because, in Mr Swamy’s words, he is “mentally not Indian enough”.

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I would suggest that both Tamilian economists end their so-called longstanding feud by declaring a winner once and for all. Either they throw complex mathematical differential equations at each other and see who can solve them more accurately or simply take part in a lungi dance-off.

5pm: I call my sister who lives in the Capital and moan, “I can never understand what goes on in our country. We have so many problems: drought, pollution, poverty, even this bloody heat wave and everyone is going nuts about the PM’s degrees. But looking at all the comical debates raging in the country, I have come to the conclusion that education and intelligence are two different entities.

Listen, I would never say this in front of our kids; but a good school, a great university are very strong foundations but I have seen enough people graduate from Ivy League colleges and never do anything spectacular in their lives, aside from making mesmerizing spreadsheets. And then I have seen dropouts going on to achieve greatness.

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This iPhone in my hand came into being because of Steve Jobs who never finished college, Edison went to school for a total of three months, Abraham Lincoln left school at the age of 12 and my favourite comedian Ellen DeGeneres dropped out of university after one semester and is now laughing all the way to the bank.People don’t realize that there is a vast difference between intelligence and education. Education is a formal mechanism that hones the mind and is one of the processes by which we gather new information. Reading, observing and experimenting are other ways by which we also gather information.

Intelligence, on the other hand, is an inherent trait that involves retaining and applying information, creating a cohesive amalgamation of the gathered material and our experiences in the world, and forging mental connections with the facts at our disposal. We can and must provide our children with the means to a great education, but a great mind is one that they will have to build themselves. You agree? Hello?”

My sister mumbles, “Huh? Sorry, I must have fallen asleep. Yes, you were saying something about minds, so tell me, what is this supposedly great mind that you have built all by yourself telling you right now?” Annoyed that she never takes me seriously, I reply, “It’s telling me that it’s 47 degrees in Delhi today, which means that along with hens, even your ovaries are popping out boiled eggs. Goodluck and goodbye!”