Battler1126 Sun 09-Dec-18 09:11:43

So.. Here's the short(ish) version. Recently I was getting ready to go out and do some christmas shopping when I recieved a phone call off my mum who was in such a state. Me and my hubby needed to get over to their house asap. I honestly thought someone was dying. We grab all of the stuff we need for the baby and left. When we get there my mum, dad (struggling to call him that now) brother (looking dreadful) and his girlfriend were sat in the front room. So we ask whats going on., obviously worried. My (26 year old) brothers been sacked from his job. He hasn't been turning in on time if at all.. He didn't pay the callout money for that week in at the office, hes in thousands of ££ worth of debt and has spent thousands of ££ savings. He owes money to every tom dick or Harry. Anyway, to cut a VERY long story short, although it's terrible, I was relieved thats all it was. Things can be sorted. He can get help with his gambling addiction and we can pay money back and move on. They then proceed to tell me things have been happening for almost a year and they've been keeping it from me. It's only now hes lost his job that theyre bothering to tell me. I'm still confused as to why I needed to know. I sat with the family and talked through things. Tried to sort stuff out (apparently this is why I had to know, I'm a good mediator and have my head screwed on. That's now changed according to them) When my parents left for work and his girlfriend left me, my hubby (who knows all about addiction) and my brother sat down and talked (we have been very close our whole lives. I practically brought him up) he said things he wouldnt say infront of them. We looked for help with gambling addictions. Found some good stuff to read online. I called the people that he owed money to. Set up payment plans to pay his debt off so when he got himself right he could just pay us back. My dad paid back the money to work for him (they work at the same company) he also paid back the stuff he owed to friends and family. So to help out I sorted the rest. THINKING I was doing what was right. I didn't want them to have to pull out all the money themselves this close to christmas. It halved the burden and stress and could be sorted at a later date. They were wanting to take his phone off him and lock him in a room. I understood they were shocked worried and angry but that wouldnt work. So I reasoned with them. Made it so he could keep his phone. They took any bank cards off him and I made him delete anything he could gamble on off his phone. We agreed that at any time they can ask to see the apps on there to make sure he hasn't got anything on. I also pointed out that in order to build their trust again they would have to let him prove himself. It was a fight but I got there in the end. He had his phone.

Cut to 5 days ago.. Me and my hubby were talking, we realised he obviously hadnt been paying his phone bill and other bits either so I called him (to which he answered the phone straight away, grateful Im the reason he has it). Told him to pick my oldest up from school and come to the house. He came and we asked about the phone bill etc.. He said he hasn't paid them. SOO.. I got him to call EE and tell them the bent truth as to why he hasn't been paying, authorise me to talk about his account and then put me on the phone. I paid his £147.35 bill and arranged to call back on the 12th to pay the next £59.70 so he could use his phone and the bills stopped mounting up. I also called other placed and debt collection agencies and paid some of them off. In total I paid £317. 63. My hubby left for work quickly followed by my brother who went home. So happy some things had been sorted out I rang hubby and talked. We are fully aware this is enabling him and not really teaching him anything but my "parents" wanted it this way. I was just pleased we could help. About an hour after my brother got home I got a txt off HIS dad asking who he owed money to and how much. My brother refused to talk about it with the parents. I rang his dad back and just said dont worry about stuff. We have sorted it. All we wanted him to pay was the biggest one. I told him who it was to and said I would txt the info over to him. He then turns on me like a cut snake. Shouting at me. I'm then being told all of this is my fault. Things being thrown back in my face about things that happened years ago. Being reminded of every £5 I've asked to lend in the past. Dragging up everything he thinks ive done wrong. I'm being shouted at not talked to. Hes telling my that my brother isnt my responsibility (wasn't that when he was living with me when he was younger or I had to stay in as a child to babysit sometimes 3 times a week) he was "TELLING ME" that Im wrong and know nothing about what's happened and I shouldnt have involved myself. Correct me if I'm wrong but I knew nothing about it til they told me. Surely thats them involving me?

Anyway, upset at how the phone call went with him I called my mum. Straight away she was defensive and basically said the same as her husband. She went at me like a mad woman and wouldnt reason with me. Couldnt or wouldnt answer why I was getting the blame and all of the crap to go with it. Told me she refused to talk to me any more about it. Again I was told it was my fault and I brought it on to myself. I don't understand where I went wrong? Now my brother isnt talking to me. I cant understand that either.

So.. We have an xmas tradition that every xmas eve we go out and do something as a family. Them 3 sometimes 4 if brothers girlfriend comes and us (with the baby this year. I was excited about her 1st christmas) we were having christmas day at our house this year.. another 1st I was excited about. My 10 year old is so excited and happy about it but has no Idea that Ive told them not to come. I've been treated like this off them my whole life and ive had enough and im so hurt by whats happened I don't want to see them BUT it's not going to be the same. Especially for my daughter. Im heartbroken for her. I can't sleep. I feel ill and its ruined christmas for me and I know it will for my daughter. I just tried to do whats right. Now they're playing happy families. Going out for drinks and acting like nothings happened and im the one left feeling like this with everyone turning on me. Should I just let it slide for my daughter's sake and let them come here for Xmas?