The phrase “men are trash” has been around for a few years now. It’s fair to say that the campaign has been the most effective way to spark talk about gender-based violence, despite the majority of men still missing the point by a mile.

The hashtag was trending on Twitter today – on National Women’s Day – and one just has to look at some of the tweets to see why getting men to understand the hashtag is so damn hard.

#MenAreTrash began trending in South Africa in 2017 when Karabo Mokoena was murdered by her boyfriend and her body burned. It’s been used by women to highlight the abuse and violence that women experience on a daily basis.

Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them.

In short, the ‘men are trash’ hashtag is not about men; it’s about what women experience at the hands of men. It’s a woman’s reality and lived experience, not a man’s. And it’s about raising awareness.

Awareness is a wonderful place to start. People who want to learn, will. People who don’t, won’t. It’s not always easy to reflect, and not everyone has the capacity.

That said, men are not supposed to be at the centre of this conversation. Instead of responding defensively, the correct course of action here would be to shut up and listen, not shout into your screen about what a Good Guy™ you are.

Yet, here we are on National Women’s Day in 2019, with ‘men are trash’ trending on Twitter for all the wrong reasons, still trying to dominate the debate and derailing the conversation.

If the hashtag was trending because women took to Twitter by their numbers to tweet about Women’s Day and gender-based violence, I’d say we deserved a collective pat on the back.

But was that the case? Was it? No, it was not. It’s quite telling that most of the tweets in today’s debate were shared by men complaining about the hashtag.

Understanding the hashtag

I’m not in the mood to receive hate mail with death threats today, so for the purposes of this article, I’ll refrain from referring to men in general as trash, and rather address what can be described as trashy actions.

If you looked at a hashtag inspired by the vulnerabilities of others and chose outrage instead of empathy, then maybe it’s time to stop labelling yourself as one of the Good Guys™.

Men are often quick to say they’re one of the Good Guys™. If that’s the case, bravo! Good for you. Here’s a thought: You might not be Harvey Weinstein but it doesn’t mean you’re not complicit in the violence and aggression against women.

I’ll assume for the sake of argument that you’ve never assaulted or abused a woman before, you don’t catcall women on the street and you don’t make rape jokes. And so forth. You’re a Good Guy™. But ask yourself:

If your friends catcall women, do you keep quiet?

If your friends make rape jokes, do you laugh along?

Do you disagree with the idea that women are at risk?

Have you ever excused a friend’s violent behaviour towards women?

Do you remain friends with a known aggressor/abuser?

Have you victim-shamed a survivor?

Do you insist on getting a woman’s attention or her number even when she said no?

Do you agree with this statement: “Well, if a woman doesn’t want to get raped, she should cover up her body, never go out at night and never drink.” (Spoiler alert, we shouldn’t be teaching women how to avoid being raped. We should be teaching men not to rape.)

If you’ve answered yes to the above, I have bad news for you.

“It’s all too easy to be passive when you hear something you don’t agree with. Standing up for our girls isn’t a bandwagon we can just jump on and off conveniently. If you really do want to be seen as an example of ‘not all men’, you should start acting like it. Start doing the things that separate you from ‘all men’ and try and do what’s right – not what’s easy. If we can do this, we might just begin the ascent out of the trash.” Tom Head, TheSouthAfrican.

Also read – Men get hurt when you call them trash… I think women would happily trade you their problems for yours

Why changing the narrative to “some men are trash” won’t work

Many have said the hashtag would be more effective if we said “Some Men Are Trash.” Honestly, that won’t work either.

Including ‘some’ will lead to a problematic trashy man still avoiding the issue because in his head, he’s a Good Guy™ and it doesn’t apply to him. But the original hashtag knocks everyone in their fragility and makes you sit up and take notice.

Because, no, not all men are trash, but yes all women are targets, and by walking down the street, a woman has no way of knowing which one you are. Giving you the benefit of the doubt could be detrimental to her safety.

When the hashtag first went viral, one netizen summed it up succinctly.

“Let me explain ‘Men Are Trash’ using snakes so even the dumb [expletive] can get it (also because we are snakes.)



We all know that snakes are dangerous, yet there are some snakes which are not deadly at all. However, you never hear people say ‘some snakes are dangerous, some are not’. They just say, ‘snakes are dangerous’ because it is hard for the average person to tell which snakes are dangerous and which snakes are not, so they urge people to be cautious of all snakes.



Even if a snake is presented to you and you are told that it is not deadly at all, you will still feel uneasy and take extra precaution when dealing with it because you know what snakes are capable of.



That’s how women feel because of men, yet you want to come here and complain just because they didn’t single you out as the good guy you THINK you are. Jesse Vhasy Rasoesoe

Are you still reading? Good, here’s another explanation that pretty much nails it.

“Dear Men,



You, Men Are Trash!!



But, Men Are Trash is not about you. Stop being so touched.



Sometimes, just listen. Woman are crying about us and our behaviour towards them.



We know it’s not all of us. It’s like when we hear white people say ‘Not All White People Are Racist.’ We know that not all white people are racist but we call them out “squad deep”. Because, we need them all to hear it. So that they are aware that racism is a thing. That they stop being so ignorant.” Scotty Wang.

I’ll sign off by leaving this here.