I HAVE ANEAR INFECTION. WHAT ARE YOU SEEINGTHE DOCTOR FOR ? I HAVE... I HAVE AIDS. CLYDE HARRIS ? YEAH, THAT'S A PRETTY BADLICE PROBLEM THERE. GOOD THING THEYPULLED YOU OUT OF SCHOOL. BUT WHY ME, DOCTOR ? WHY ME ? HOW DID I GET THIS ?! WELL, BELIEVE IT OR NOT, SOME LICE CAN ACTUALLY ATTACHTHEMSELVES TO FLIES AND THEN WAIT FOR THE FLYTO LAND ON SOMEONE'S HEAD WHERE THEY CAN REPRODUCE. AND THEN THE LICE THATLIVE IN YOUR HEAD NOW WERE PROBABLYALL BORN THERE. SICK ! THIS SHAMPOOSHOULD TAKE CARE OF IT. USE THIS IN THE SHOWER. YOUR SCALP MAY BURNA BIT AFTERWARDS BUT IT SHOULD KILL...EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM. ( sighs ) TRAVIS, EVERYTHING OKAY ? KELLY, I WAS JUSTTHINKING ABOUT OUR BABY. I WANT TO NAMEHER... HOPE. HOPE ? HOPE FOR A...CHANCE AT TOMORROW. IT'S RAINING NOW ? WOO-HOO--I LOVE THE RAIN ! ( laughing ) OH, MY GOD. WE HAVE TOGET OUT OF HERE ! WHAT ?IT'S JUST RAIN. WE HAVE TO GET OUTOF HERE NOW, KELLY ! WHAT IS THAT ? ( sizzling ) AGH... AGH ! ( screaming ) AH !AH !AH !AH ! ( groaning ) RUN !RUN !RUN ! ( screaming ) AH, AH, AGH ! EVERYONE GET UPINTO THE TREES ! WE HAVE TO GET UP HIGH ! COME ON, KELLY ! ( screaming ) AHH !AHH ! MY GOD, TRAVIS,THEY'RE ALL DYING ! DON'T LOOK, KELLY,DON'T LOOK. WHAT THE HELLIS IT ?! IT'S OKAY--WE'RE SAFE UP HERE. I DON'T THINK SO. ( screaming ) AHH ! ( hair dryer whirring ) AHH ! AHH... AHH ! TRAVIS !KELLY, HANG ON ! I CAN'T HANG ON ! YOU HAVE TO ! FOR THE BABY ! AHH ! KELLY ! NO ! NO ! ( hair dryer whirring )

SOME CIVIL WAR HISTORY. WHO CAN TELL ME WHAT YEARTHE WAR STARTED ? WAIT, WAIT--WHOA, WHOA. SO WHAT HAPPENED ? WITH WHAT ? WITH THE LICE EXAM. DID THEY FINDANYBODY WITH LICE ? YES, SOME LICEWAS DISCOVERED AND THE PROPERACTION HAS BEEN TAKEN. SOMEBODY INTHIS CLASS ? UH, YES. OH !OH !OH !OH ! WELL, WHO WAS IT ?IT WAS KENNY, RIGHT ? THAT DOESN'T MATTER--IT'S OVER. DOESN'T MATTER ?! IF SOMEBODY HAD PARASITESIN THEIR HAIR, WE NEED TO KNOW WHO ! IT WAS KENNY,WASN'T IT ? I WANNA KNOWWHO IT WAS TOO. IT'S BEING KEPTCONFIDENTIAL. THERE'S A POLICYIN THE SCHOOLS NOT TO SINGLE OUT A KID WHO HAS LICE BECAUSE OF THE EMBARRASSMENTIT CAN CAUSE, OKAY ? THAT IS BULLCRAP ! YOU ARE DENYING OUR RIGHTSAS CHILDREN TO TOTALLY RIP ON THAT KID AND MAKE HIM OR HERFEEL LIKE AN OUTCAST. YEAH !YEAH !YEAH !YEAH ! AND WE HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOWWHICH BOY HAD LICE IN HIS HAIR SO WE DON'T EVERGO OUT WITH THEM. HOW DO WE KNOW ITWAS A BOY ? IT COULD JUST HAVE EASILYBEEN ONE OF YOU STUPID GIRLS. YEAH, DUMB GIRLS ! THE CASE IS CLOSED. WHOEVER HAD THE LICE,THEY'RE DEAD NOW. WE'RE MOVING ONTO CIVIL WAR HISTORY. ULYSSES S. GRANT... ( coughing ) HOPE...HOPE, YOU'RE ALIVE. ( groaning ) MY GOD. YARGH ! HELP ME ! HELP ME ! TRAVIS... OVER HERE ! TRAVIS, IF YOU HADN'T WARNEDUS TO GET UP IN THEM TREES, WE'D ALL BE DEAD. HOW MANY SURVIVORS ? JUST THE SIX OF US. AND THE VICE PRESIDENT. YOU SON OF A BITCH ! YOU HAD A CHANCETO STOP THIS ! SO HELP ME,IF WE LIVE THROUGH THIS, I'M GONNA SEE YOUROT IN PRISON. WHAT DO WE DO NOW ? WE AREN'TOUT OF THIS YET. YOU TWO, LOOK FOROTHER SURVIVORS. YOU GET WHATEVER FOOD YOUCAN AND BRING IT BACK HERE. WHO PUT YOU IN CHARGE ? GOD DID...WHEN HE KILLED MY WIFE.

I'VE COME UP WITH A TESTTHAT CAN DETERMINE IF IT WAS ANY OF USWHO HAD THE HEAD LICE. WE'RE GONNA FIND OUT,ONCE AND FOR ALL, WHO HAD HEAD COOTIES. LICE FEED ON A PERSON'S BLOOD, AND JUST LIKE MOSQUITOES,THEY LEAVE BEHIND SMALL TRACES OF THEIR SALIVA IN THE HOST'SBLOODSTREAM. THAT SALIVA IS MOLOCROMAGNIC. SO IF AN INFECTED PERSON'SBLOOD IS TOUCHED BY THIS HOT METAL COIL, SAY, THAT PERSON'S BLOOD WILLJUMP TEN METERS INTO THE AIR. R-R-R-REALLY ? THAT'S RETARDED ! YOU DIDN'T COME UP WITHTHAT EXPERIMENT CARTMAN ! YOU SAW IT IN THAT MOVIE THE THING ! THIS IS A SCIENTIFIC TESTDESIGNED TO-- YOU SAW IT IN THE THING AND YOU'RE WASTINGEVERYONE'S TIME ! I THOUGHT YOUMIGHT SAY THAT, KYLE. BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TOTAKE THE TEST, DO YOU ? NOBODY'S BLOOD IS GOING TOJUMP UP IN THE AIR ! IF IT ISN'T GOING TO WORK,THEN WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF ? THE ONLY PERSON WHO WOULDN'TWANT TO TAKE THE TEST IS SOMEBODY WHO WASWORRIED IT MIGHT WORK AND REVEAL THAT THEY WERETHE ONES WITH LICE ! YEAH, THAT'S TRUE. I HAVE NO PROBLEMTAKING THE TEST. I HAVE NOTHINGTO H-H-H-HIDE. YEAH, ME NEITHER. ALL RIGHT, FINE,I'LL DO THE DUMB TEST ! EVERYONE TAKE A PETRI DISHAND A SYRINGE. WE NEED AT LEAST 30 C.C.sOF BLOOD FROM EACH ONE OF YOU. ALL RIGHT, NOW EVERYONEBACK OVER THERE. WE'LL START WITHWHAT I ALREADY KNOW. ( sizzling ) OH, GUESS THAT PROVES ERIC WASN'T THE ONEWITH HEAD LICE. IT DOESN'T PROVEANYTHING ! YEAH ? LET'S JUST SEE WHATYOUR BLOOD DOES, KYLE. ( sizzling ) HUH, I GUESSYOU'RE CLEAN. YOU GUYS,WE BETTER GO. RECESS IS ALMOST OVER. IT'S ALL RIGHT,WON'T TAKE MUCH LONGER TO-- AGH, AGH ! WHAT THE HELL ?! KENNY ! NO WAY. YOU WERE RIGHTALL ALONG, ERIC. IT WAS KENNY ! OF COURSE I WAS RIGHT. I TOLD YOU ONLYPOOR PEOPLE GET LICE !

( school bell ringing ) ALL RIGHT, STUDENTS,LET'S TAKE OUR SEATS. APPARENTLY, WE HAVEA LITTLE PROBLEM HERE AT THE SCHOOLWHICH WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT. AH, YES. YOU MEAN THE JEW PROBLEM. GOOD, GOOD. I'M GLAD WE'RE FINALLYGONNA DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. NO, I MEANTHE PROBLEM OF HEAD LICE. THERE'S BEEN A LICE BREAKOUTAT A SCHOOL IN DENVER AND WE NEED TO MAKE SURENOBODY SPREADS IT HERE. SOMEBODY MIGHTHAVE LICE ?! EW !EW !EW !EW ! SO TODAY YOU'RE ALL GOING TOTHE GYMNASIUM TO HAVE YOUR SCALPS EXAMINED. THAT IS COMPLETELYUNNECESSARY. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT ONLYPOOR PEOPLE CAN GET LICE. THE ONLY PERSON THAT CANSPREAD IT HERE IS KENNY. ( mumbling )WHAT ?-- YOU ! I'M SURE THISCLASS IS CLEAN, BUT WE'RE GONNA BE EXAMINED SO THAT IF ANYONEHAS THE LICE, WE CAN STOP ITBEFORE IT SPREADS. LICE CAN LIVE INANYBODY'S HAIR... HELLO, KELLY. HOW'S MY BABY ? YOU MEAN MEOR THE LITTLE ONE ? I MEAN BOTH. WELL, BESIDESA LITTLE LONELINESS WAITING FOR DADDYTO COME HOME, I GUESS WE'RE BOTH OKAY. HOW DID A LOUSE LIKE ME GET SO LUCKY TO HAVEA LOUSE LIKE YOU ? LUCK HAD NOTHINGTO DO WITH IT, TRAVIS. ( all yelling ) CUT, CUT !WATCH YOUR BACK ! YOU OKAY ? SOMETIMES... I JUST WORRY WHATKIND OF WORLD OUR BABY ISGONNA GROW UP IN. I NEED TO RUN OUTTO THE FOREST AND DO ANOTHERSEDIMENT ANALYSIS. I'M WORRIED WE MIGHT BEOVERWORKING THE TERTIARY LAYER.

WHEN YOU REACH THE FRONTOF THE LINE, YOU WILL GO BEHIND THE CURTAIN AND REMOVE ANY HATSTO BE CHECKED. BOY, I SURE HOPE THEY DON'T FINDLICE IN MY HAIR. WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENSIF YOU DO HAVE IT ? THEY DRAG YOUOUT OF HERE, PUT YOU IN THIS BIGCONTAINMENT FACILITY, WHERE THEY STICK A COLDMETAL PIPE UP YOUR ASS WITH THIS CLEAR JELLY, AND THEN THEYSHOCK YOUR BALLS.( gasps ) I'M CLEAN ! I KNEW I DIDN'T HAVEANY STUPID LICE. THIS IS RIDICULOUS. ALL THIS JUST SO THEYCAN SEND KENNY AND HIS STUPIDHEAD LICE HOME. ( mumbling )DUDE, -- OFF ! HAVE A SEATON THE STOOL. UH-OH, LOOKS LIKEYOU'VE GOT 'EM. WHAT ? YOU HAVE LICE. LET'S SEE--CLYDE HARRIS, IS IT ? OH, MY GOD ! OH, CHRIST, NO ! NOW, NOW, IT'S ALL RIGHT. WE'RE GOING TOCALL YOUR PARENTS AND GET YOU TOYOUR DOCTOR. PLEASE, YOU DON'TUNDERSTAND. THE OTHER KIDS ARE GONNAMAKE FUN OF ME FOREVER ! I'M SURE YOUR FRIENDSAREN'T THAT CRUEL. YES, THEY ARE !

MR. PRESIDENT, I BELIEVE WEHAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM ! THE ENVIRONMENT IS CHANGING. I BELIEVE IT ISSOMEHOW REACTING TO OUR PRESENCE ON IT. AND WHAT DO YOUBASE THIS ON ? LOOK, THIS ISTHE WORLD, RIGHT ? BUT NOW THINK OF THE WORLDAS A LIVING BEING. IF IT WERE SOMEHOW CONSCIOUS, THEN IT WOULD ULTIMATELY BECOMEAWARE OF OUR AFFECT ON IT. RIGHT, THE WORLDIS CONSCIOUS. IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE. HELLO ? ANYBODY ? ( lice chuckling ) IF WE HAVE MADE TOO MUCHOF AN IMPACT, THEN THAT CONSCIOUSNESSWOULD TRY TO SNUFF US OUT. I THINK WE'RE LOOKING ATA GLOBAL CATASTROPHE THE LIKES OFWHICH WE'VE NEVER SEEN. POO DIGGERYAND POPPYCOCK. I THINK WE NEED TO PUTALL RESOURCES NOW INTO A FULL INVESTIGATION, PERHAPS EVEN BEGINA LICE-WIDE EVACUATION. EVACUATION ? TOMORROW ISTHE GOOTAK FESTIVAL ! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEYWE WOULD LOSE ? ESCORT MR. MAYFIELD OUT. THE PRESIDENT CAN'T BEBOTHERED ANY FURTHER. DAMN YOU,VICE PRESIDENT GREG ! YOU COULD BE KILLING US ALL !

NEEDS TO SPEAK UP RIGHT NOW SO THAT WE KNOWTO STAY AWAY FROM YOU. YEAH, COME ON ! WE'RE GONNA FIND OUTSOONER OR LATER ! OKAY, WHOEVER YOU ARE, YOU ARE NOW NOT ONLYA LICE HEAD, YOU'RE A LIAR ! YOU'RE ONLY MAKING THISWORSE ON YOURSELF ! YOU KNOW WHAT ?I'LL BET IT WAS YOU. ME ? THIS IS EXACTLY WHATYOU WOULD DO IF THEY FOUNDLICE IN YOUR HAIR: TRY TO LEAD THE CHARGEAGAINST SOMEBODY ELSE TO TAKE THE SUSPICIONOFF OF YOURSELF. I DON'T THINK SO,KYLE. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT ? THIS IS EXACTLYWHAT YOU WOULD DO IF YOU HAD HADHEAD LICE: TRY TO GETEVERYONE TO BLAME ME. YOU GUYS, STOP IT,THIS ISN'T GETTING US ANYWHERE. THAT'S EXACTLY WHATYOU WOULD DO IF YOU HAD HADHEAD LICE, STAN. YEAH, TRY TO HAVE EVERYONEMAKE PEACE SO IT DOESN'TSEEM LIKE A BIG DEAL. AND THIS IS EXACTLYWHAT KENNY WOULD DO: STAND HERE AND SAYNOTHING. HEY, GUYS,WHAT WOULD I DO ? LET'S JUST GET AMAGNIFYING GLASS AND LOOK ATEVERYONE'S HEADS. IT'S TOO LATE. THE TREATMENT WOULDHAVE KILLED IT ALL. I GUESS WE'RENEVER GONNA KNOW. THERE'S NO WAY TO TELL. THERE'S A WAY. THERE'S A WAY TO FIND OUTWHO HAD SICK-ASS HEAD COOTIES, AND I'M GONNA FIND IT. IT WAS HIM. IT HAD TOHAVE BEEN HIM. YEAH. OR YOU. MARK ?

THIS ISN'T GOING TO STOP. THE WORLD ISREJECTING US. IF WE'RE GONNA LIVE, WE HAVETO GET OFF THIS PLANET. HOW ? FIRST WE'VE HAVE TOGET OUT OF THE FOREST, INTO THE FORBIDDEN ZONE. IT'S THE ONLY WAY WE MIGHTEVEN SEE ANOTHER PLANET. THE FORBIDDEN ZONE ? WE'LL BE EXPOSED--WE'LL DIE OUT THERE. WE'LL DIE HERE ! LOOK, THE WORLD ISGETTING RID OF US. DON'T YOU GET IT ?! "GETTING RID OF US" ? YOU MEAN LIKE IT KNOWSWHAT IT'S DOING ? YES ! BECAUSE MAYBE WE ROLLEDTHE DICE TOO MANY TIMES ! I'M NOT LEAVINGMY HUSBAND. YEAH, I'LL TAKEMY CHANCES HERE. YOU CAN ALL STAY HERE. I'M GONNA TRY TOSAVE MY BABY. I'LL GO WITH YOU. THERE'S NOTHINGLEFT FOR ME HERE. I WANNA GO TOO. NOT A CHANCE. LOOK, I KNOWI MESSED UP, ALL RIGHT ? BUT I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT. IF WE CAN GET OUTOF THE FOREST, WE MIGHT FINDANOTHER PLACE TO LIVE. IF WE FIND ANYTHING, WE'LL TRY TO SEND HELPFOR THE REST OF YOU. LET'S GO. COME ON IF YOU'RE COMING,MR. VICE PRESIDENT. YEAH, RIGHT BEHIND YOU. ALL RIGHT,LOCK THAT DOOR, CRAIG.

WE'VE DONE IT ! WE'VE REACHEDTHE FORBIDDEN ZONE ! I'VE ALWAYS HEARD STORIESABOUT THIS PLACE. NEVER THOUGHTIT WAS REAL. IT'S REAL. REAL AS MY LOVEFOR MY UNBORN BABY. SO WHAT EXACTLY ISYOUR PLAN, TRAVIS ? OUR ANCESTORS CAME HEREFROM ANOTHER WORLD. MAYBE THERE'S STILLOTHER WORLDS OUT THERE WITH LIFE FORMS LIKE US. MAYBE THERE'S EVENA WORLD WHERE THEY'VE LEARNED TO LIVE WITH THE PLANETINSTEAD OF JUST ON IT. TRAVIS... TRAVIS, YOU'RE SO WISE,SO STRONG. IF WE MAKE IT OUT OF THIS, I'D LIKE TOBE WITH YOU. SORRY, BABE. BUT MY HEART IS FOREVERSTENCILED IN PERMANENT INK WITH THE NAME "KELLY." SHE WAS A LUCKY WOMANTO HAVE YOU. LUCK HAD NOTHINGTO DO WITH IT. ( gunshot fired ) SORRY TO CUTTHE HONEYMOON SHORT. WHY YOU MURDERING BASTARD ! YOUR LITTLE FANTASY OFANOTHER WORLD ENDS HERE. WALK. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT,VICE PRESIDENT-- WALK ! ( doorbell ringing )

WE CAUGHT KENNY AND WE'RE ALL GONNALET HIM HAVE IT. WHAT ? WHAT ARE YOUGONNA DO TO HIM ? HE LIED TO US ALL. HE BETRAYED HIS KIND. WE ALL KNOWWHAT HAS TO HAPPEN. GRAB A SOCK AND A BAR OF SOAPAND MEET US AT THE PARK. YOU GUYS, WAIT. WHAT, CLYDE ? I... NOTHING. ALL RIGHT,SEE YOU THERE ! REMEMBER, A BAR OF SOAPAND A SOCK ! KENNY'S GONNA GET IT ! YEAH !YEAH ! YEAH, WE'RE GONNAF-F-F--K HIM UP. ( phone ringing ) YELLO. MS. GARRISON,ONE OF YOUR STUDENTS IS ABOUT TO BE ATTACKED AT THE PARKBY ALL THE OTHER STUDENTS. WHAT ? WHO'S GOING TO GET ATTACKED ?WHO IS THIS ? PLEASE JUSTHURRY TO THE PARK ! YOU HAVE TO STOP THEM !

WHAT ARE YOUGOING TO DO ? I'M GONNA GO BACKTO THE VILLAGE. START TO REBUILD. MATE WITH THE FEMALES. BECOME... PRESIDENT. DON'T YOU GET IT ? THE WORLD DOESN'TWANT YOU HERE. IT'S NOT GONNASTOP UNTIL YOU'RE DEAD ! IT WAS A DISASTER. DISASTERS HAPPEN. THEN GO AHEADAND DIE THERE. I'M LEAVING WITHMY BABY. ACTUALLY, YOU'RE NEVERLEAVING HERE EITHER, TRAVIS. AGH ! DAMN YOU ! WHY ?! BECAUSE WHEN I'M PRESIDENT,I CAN'T HAVE PESTS LIKE YOU CONSTANTLY TRYING TO PREACHTHAT THE WORLD IS ALIVE. YOU'RE AN IDEALISTIC FOOL. THE WORLD IS NOTCONSCIOUS. WE ARE CONSCIOUS ! IF THE WORLD WAS ALIVEIT WOULD FEEL THIS. OW. YOU DIE HERE-- AHH ! AHH ! AAHHHH ! ARGH. ( wheezing ) ( sobbing ) KENNY McKORMICK,YOU ARE CHARGED WITH

AND LYING ABOUTIT TO COVER YOUR ASS. HOW DO YOU PLEAD ? ( mumbling )NOT GUILTY ! GUILTY-- I THOUGHT SO ! ALL RIGHT,LET'S DO THIS ! YOU GUYS, MAYBE WE SHOULD JUSTWAIT A FEW MORE MINUTES. ALL RIGHT, KENNY,YOU KNOW WHAT HAS TO HAPPEN. SOCK BATH ! EVERYONE WASH KENNYWITH THE SOAP AND DRY HIM OFFWITH THE SOCKS ! ( Kenny )NO, NO, NO, NOT THE SOCKS ! WAIT, WAIT ! WAIT, STOP IT,STOP IT ! I CAN'T LETKENNY BE SOCK-DRIED. HE HAD COOTIESAND HE LIED ABOUT IT ! KENNY, DIDN'T HAVETHE HEAD LICE, ALL RIGHT ?! IT WAS ME. WHAT ? I WAS THE ONE. I WAS TOO AFRAIDTO SAY ANYTHING. BUT I CAN'T LET KENNYBE SOCK-BATHED FOR IT. WHY ARE YOUSAYING THAT, KYLE ? YOU CAN'T BE THE ONEWHO HAD HEAD LICE. BECAUSE I WAS. YOU'RE JUST TRYING TOMAKE ME FEEL BAD BECAUSE YOU FIGUREDTHAT OUT, DIDN'T YOU ? WAIT A MINUTE-- WHAT ? OH, I GET IT. THIS IS SOME KIND OFBIG TRICK ON ME. YOU'VE KNOWN I WAS THE ONEWITH HEAD LICE ALL ALONG, HUH ? YOU HAD HEAD LICE ?!OF COURSE ! WHY DO YOU THINKI WENT THROUGH THAT ELABORATE BULLCRAP EXPERIMENTTO FRAME KENNY ? ( Ms. Garrison )YOU ALL HAD HEAD LICE. EVERY SINGLE PERSONIN THE CLASS. THE BOYS AND THE GIRLS. LICE SPREADS FAST,YOU DUMB-ASSES. I THOUGHT I WASTHE ONLY ONE. ME TOO. BUT THAT MEANS...THAT MEANS KENNY WAS LYING ! SOCK BATH ! SOCK BATH !SOCK BATH ! ( sad music )