Perhaps we should thank the Mirror ("website of the year!") for reminding us what a normal day looks like in the football media. A little bit of actual football coverage, including doom and gloom for some teams and sewn-up titles for others after two games, some tepid, re-hashed commentary posing as insight, and a few outrageously nonsensical transfer stories.

This is the latter bit.

Roma have launched a £25million bid for Chelsea defender Kurt Zouma [...] The France centre-back, 20, is third choice at Stamford Bridge - with boss Jose Mourinho also seeking to land Everton prodigy John Stones. Roma's French coach Rudi Garcia has put Zouma top of his wishlist to replace Alessio Romagnoli, who has joined AC Milan for £22m. And the Serie A club will offer a lucrative loan deal if a permanent signing cannot be agreed. -source: Mirror

Where to even begin? Maybe at the part where we'd consider selling any of our defenders from an already short-handed group. Or the part where Zouma might in-fact be third choice, but he's also third-choice at defensive midfield. And probably every other position, too. Or that he's been held up as a shining light of what happens when somebody grabs their chance and forces himself into the manager's rotation and reckoning. Or where he's an awesome force of human nature (if perhaps out-of-control occasionally) and we'd be utter fools to even consider selling or loaning him.

Incoming John Stones or not, I think we can safely file this one under ridiculous nonsense.