How to hack Tinder as a fat girl

Or what getting 500 matches in 2 weeks taught me about online dating

Photo by Omar Lopez

When it comes to online dating, the traditional thought has always been image is everything and the swipe right world is stacked against people who don’t fall into conventional standards of beauty. That includes me: I’m fat.

I’ve noticed that a lot people, especially men, have trouble with that word. It makes some people feel better to say curvy, squishy, chubby, zaftig, large and lovely, plus size, BBW, and the list goes on.

The normal reaction to describing myself as fat is a knee-jerk “Noooo, you’re beautiful.” Sigh. It’s 2019, is fat really still synonymous with ugly? Ok, we’re not going to unpack that issue — that’s a whole other post. But it brings me to lesson number one: Don’t be afraid of owning who you are.

Embrace what you think makes you ‘less than’

So you’re short, fat, have a big nose, scrawny, freckled, taller than everyone else, live with your parents, don’t have a car, hate dogs, don’t want to go hiking, etc. Whatever it is that makes you feel like people are going reject you, bring that to the light.

Sure, having a hot bod is great for Instagram but being self aware and having confidence is what people find attractive in real life. So, own it. Be honest about yourself and your so-called flaws.

Make a joke about how tall you are. Take pictures that clearly show off your figure, your nose, or your sweet gaming set up. Be playful. Be genuine.

You know you have things to offer the dating world. But you don’t get to decide what someone else will find attractive. So, don’t get in your own way.

“Whatever is wrong with you, that’s someone’s thing. I don’t think I’m gorgeous but it’s not really my business. I’m the only person on earth that doesn’t affect.” — Trixie Mattel

That’s the approach I took when I decided, after five months of not dating, that it was time to get back out there. I added those usually dreaded full-body photos and said, “This is who I am!” I also made sure that my pictures and my profile showed off my silly sense of humor. That’s lesson number two: Your personality matters more than your looks.

Show off your personality and what makes you laugh

You can post seven photos of you doing the same pose that makes your butt look great, or you can throw some personality in your profile.

Do you love to read books? Take a pic with your library. Hate bananas? Prove it with a picture. People want to hang out with someone who can have a good time and make them laugh. Nobody wants to be serious all the time, right? Right. You don’t have to mean mug the camera or have the perfect pose in every photo. Save the artistic photos and your editing skills for Instagram.

Tinder’s new video clip feature is a great way to show off something silly. My personal favorite is weird eyebrow videos. Some dating apps and sites even let you posts audio clips. Perfect excuse to practice your favorite accent!

Showing more of who I am has really worked in my favor

In the first two weeks of being on Tinder, I had more than 500 matches. And that was even after being selective and weeding out all the people who were only interested in casual connections or thruples.

To most people, 500 matches would be overwhelming. And you know what? It is! There’s no possible way to have a meaningful conversation with that many matches.

But that number proves a couple important things to me: First, I am able to find matches that I would actually hang out with and enjoy getting to know. Not just people who are interested in me, but vice versa.

Second, more people are interested now than my previous attempts in online dating. Nothing else has changed. I still live in the same medium-size city, I still look the same, I still have the same interests. I’m just more willing to share myself this time around.

That number also gives me more confidence when I’m browsing sites. I am more willing to reach out to people who I think are extremely attractive. Before, I wouldn’t even think about it.

Are the online dating cards stacked against people who are not supermodels? Maybe. But the majority of humans fall into that category. Everyone deserves to have fun, happy dating experiences — not just the pretty people.

So, we might as well put ourselves out there and try to find someone else who is into what we have going on.

Happy swiping!