The Spice Girls said it best, when they said something something when two become one. Yes, as the title of the episode blatantly told us – it’s merge time!

Before that however, Scot continued his trend of alternating between being nice and evil every second episode, Tai was brutally assaulted by a chicken and everyone’s favourite ice cream entrepreneur was having his bulge sized up by the brawns.

I don’t know why they were doing it but Jason/Sarge/whatever-he-goes-by mentioned planting his seed, so I assume it was sexual.

Either way, Debbie was excited though highly unsurprised to have made the merge before the episode turned into High School with the beauties and the brawns ganging up on the brains.

Hell we even had Probst making smutty teen jokes like he is Jenna Maroney.

“Tai’s balls banging into each other … never good.”

“Nick with a lot of movement – his balls dancing all over the place.”

Sadly though, Neal’s body turned to puss and he saved the (rest of the) nerds when he was evacuated from the game … also saving someone from the indignity of being the merge boot, rendering immunity pointless and making this cruel jerk watching at home in Ponderosa cry.

I first met Neal in the early noughties while scamming rich people in Sausalito, when I ran into him while cruising the docks for semen seamen. While Neal was not interested, he did take me in and offered me room and shelter until I got back on my feet / found myself a sugar daddy.

I was in that really awkward early teenager phase at the time, so I wasn’t very successful with the sugar daddy – despite being very eager. Thankfully Neal was kind enough to give me a job at his ice cream shop and I was able to play an integral part in the success of Three Twins Ice Cream.

You’re welcome.

Anyway, Neal was in a pretty bad way when he made it to Ponderosa (as the first jury member – yay!), so I’m very thankful that I was on hand to provide him with the love and care that he needed.

As a respected witch doctor, I am a global leader on treating infections, major ailments and also reading auras, which while not necessary to this story, is a fun tidbit for you to mention around the water cooler the next time you have talk to your colleagues.

Shudder.

Anyway, as the single point of truth on effective infection treatment I can confirm that the only answer is alcohol – wipes, rubs or ingested, it does the trick. Even when it is cooked off like in my Veal Gottlieboca

Veal, despite being the politically incorrect meat, is pretty delightful … particularly when wrapped in the salty goodness of prosciutto, cut with some lemon and doused in a splash liquor.

I mean, has medicine ever tasted this good? Aside from the one that tasted like cherry starburst when you were a kid, obviously.

Enjoy!

Veal Gottliebocca

Serves: 3 or 6, depending on the size of the escalopes.

Ingredients

6 veal escalopes

6 sage leaves

6 prosciutto slices

¼ cup plain flour

2 tbsp olive oil

20 g butter

salt and pepper

1 garlic clove, chopped

1 tbsp chopped flat-leaf parsley

200ml marsala

½ lemon, juiced

Method

Beat the veal with the under side of a frying pan to even out their thickness. It is also great at helping you work through your post evacuation feelings.

Place a sage leaf on each steak, fold the steak in half and press together, wrap with a piece of prosciutto and lightly dust it all with flour.

Heat the olive oil and butter in a heavy-based frying pan and sauté quickly on one side until light golden. Season with salt, pepper and add the garlic and parsley.

Flip the steaks over, add the marsala and lemon juice and cook for another few minutes. Until the liquid reduces slightly and the veal is perfectly cooked.

Serve on a bed of mashed potatoes and avoid making eye contact with the various Survivor infections.

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