What a whirlwind few days this was. Just insane. I’ve never seen anything so stupid. Why couldn’t this have happened a month ago to make our July less dull?

The helmet stuff was dumb. The foot stuff was dumb. But it accelerated to 100mph and it was so fast that even my last comic, made in a panic after roughly 1 hour, was almost instantly outdated. It went from Antonio posting stupid stuff on instagram, to getting in a fight with Mike Mayock, calling him a cracker, trying to punch him, being held back by Vontaze Burfict, to giving a “heartfelt” apology the next day, to then posting a self-promoting youtube ad late that same night where he uses secretly recorded audio of a phone call with Jon Gruden, to being released the very next day. He then signed with the Patriots a few hours later. A little while after that, rumors started showing up that he did all of this nonsense to deliberately get cut so he could be a Patriot all along. I mean….fuck.

Legend. We’ll be telling our kids about this shit.

I feel bad for every Oakland fan who rushed out and bought a jersey. I laugh heartily at hard Knocks, which ended roughly 2 days earlier and now the season is positively amazing on re-watch. I even feel bad for the Steelers in some fashion. The fans were clearly enjoying the show, feeling lucky that it wasn’t them anymore. Then he ends up on the very team the Steelers were taking efforts to not let him go to. The team that is the bane of their existence. The dark empire itself. It feels like when Kevin Durant went to Golden State, only if Durant briefly stopped in Minnesota to cause drama first.

As someone who already assumes the Pats are going to win everything anyway the news didn’t bother me as much as I expected. Actually, to be perfectly honest, it makes the Patriots more interesting. The last time I actually enjoyed watching the Patriots on offense without falling asleep was the Moss years, maybe early Gronk years. Brown is a fun player to watch. My main gripe for these past few years is how they turned winning boring, so even though this makes them better it also adds a nice little punch of spice to the mix that might make them fun again. I’ll probably still be bored, but the possibility that Mr. Big Chest doesn’t completely turn into a Patriot robot and causes a stir is a welcome change compared to watching more Julian Edelman 8 yard gimme catches over and over again. I was bummed we couldn’t have him play last night against Pittsburgh. Might have made the game fun instead of just another efficient Patriots slaughter.

Best case scenario Brown tears them apart from the inside. Worst case they win another couple of Super Bowls, which they’ll probably do anyway.

What’s everyone’s favorite cracker? I grew up with Ritz so I’m partial to the little salty round boys, but I do have a weakness for Club, which are deliciously buttery. Rice crackers can eat shit. Honestly most rice-based snacks are crap.