This is where I act my age and ask you, not very nicely, to get off my lawn. Well, not my lawn, but the green space that belongs to Ole Miss, Kentucky or any college football team and, immediately after a big football victory, turns into a scene from Woodstock.

(Woodstock? Three days of peace and music? It was kind of a big deal, kids, when your parents were kids. Google it.)

Now where was I? Oh, yeah. Stop it. Stop the madness. Please, before you end up in intensive care. Stop acting like you've never been there before, even if you haven't. Stop running amok and acting the fool. Stop jumping walls, fences and hedges and invading the playing surface. Stop tearing up chunks of turf and tearing down goal posts.

It's only a party until that upright you can't wait to parade through the town square and cut up for souvenirs gives someone a concussion.

You say that personal injury didn't crash the party Saturday in Oxford? Lucky for everyone in the vicinity, but it can happen. It has happened elsewhere, and it will happen again.

There's a word for what happened Saturday in Oxford after Ole Miss 23, Alabama 17 and in Lexington after Kentucky 45, South Carolina 38. That word is not "jubilation." It's "vandalism."

There's a reason the SEC, back in 2004, instituted a graduated series of fines for schools that fail to draw and hold the line between players and spectators. It's not because Mike Slive is an old fuddy-duddy. It's to save you from yourselves, the kind of thing college administrators have to do to college students on occasion.

This time, Ole Miss got fined the maximum of $50,000 for its third offense in three years, and Kentucky got fined $25,000 because its last offense was more than three years ago, but that's couch-cushion change considering what the SEC rakes in from TV alone. It's about time the league put some real financial teeth behind its admirable safety-first policy.

For those of you in the cheap seats, there are plenty of less-hazardous ways to channel your rational exuberance. You want to go to your favorite dive bar and crowd surf with Katy Perry? You want to turn the Grove into Lollapalooza? Great, wicked awesome, totally crunk, or whatever you kids say today.

Just stay off Hugh Freeze's lawn. He would ask you himself, but he's just too darn nice, and besides, the way he's got things going, this won't be your last chance to celebrate responsibly. Next time, by all means, lose your minds, but while you do it, do yourselves and everyone else a favor and keep your seats.