After read this post on thisisthinprivilege, I knew I couldn’t resist my chance to start a pedestrian-American ally club. I don’t know too much about founding clubs, so I’ll use the rules from this post as inspiration.

These are rules for bicyclists that wish to be allies with our movement. If you’re an ally, follow these rules or you’re oppressing us. For your convenience, they will be presented in a fight-club style format. So that we can be taken seriously.

The first rule of ALLY CLUB: You do not talk in ALLY CLUB. Only we get to talk.

The second rule of ALLY CLUB: You DO NOT TALK in ALLY CLUB. Seriously, your opinions are so much less valuable than ours.

The third rule of ALLY CLUB: If a pedestrian-American says STOP, the argument is over. We have absolute control over all arguments and discussions at all times.

The fourth rule of ALLY CLUB: If marginalized people come after you in droves? YOU’VE FUCKED UP. APOLOGIZE. DON’T EXPECT TO BE FORGIVEN. If any any point multiple pedestrian-Americans are upset with you, you are automatically wrong and should apologize. But we probably won’t forgive you because fuck you.

The fifth rule of ALLY CLUB: If you post on our blogs with the same bullshit “honest question, guise!” then you’re out of ALLY CLUB and automatically inducted into TROLL CLUB. THERE IS TO BE NO QUESTIONING OF OUR ARGUMENTS!

The sixth rule of ALLY CLUB: No “what about me,” no “but privileged people don’t have perfect lives, either.” Why on earth should we ever care about the problems of bicyclists, regardless of what they are?

The seventh rule of ALLY CLUB: If you fuck with pedestrian-Americans (in the form of challenging our beliefs) you do not get to say when the argument is over. It’s over when we with say it’s over. That’s how debate works.

The eighth rule of ALLY CLUB: If this is your first time reading a social justice blog run by a certain group of marginalized people, DO NOT SUBMIT SHIT. Your insights are worth nothing until you’ve gotten a MOTHERFUCKING DEGREE IN SOCIAL JUSTICE LIKE WE HAVE. This can be done by reading at least 4 blogs on tumblr.