If you are anything like me (may God save your soul if so) you really have no idea what the hell to do with your night when the Phillies are off.

After the clown Bartolo Colon crapped on our hopes of being in first place we'll now have to rely on Matt Harvey to vault the Phillies into a tie for first with the Natinals.

Here's how the standings look this morning:

and here is how the wild card standings look:

So if Matt Harvey decides to not suck like he has all year and the Mets pull out a win the Phillies and Nats will be tied for first with a .585 winning percentage. I sat through the Mets/Nationals game last night and let me tell you, it is not easy to stomach watching these teams play. So how do you make it less nauseating? Can't guarantee these will work, but it's worth a shot.

FIGURE OUT WHICH TEAM YOU HATE MORE

I mean, I hate both of these teams with a passion, but when you watch them play each other who you hate more starts to take shape. Last night I realized the team that employs Daniel Murphy tends to get more of my hatred. A revelation of sorts.

EMBRACE THE SCHADENFREUDE

Every dumb thing that happens to either team is enjoyable. Like this buffoonery above. Apparently chesting a ball is the new way of fielding? Maybe Cespedes is just ahead of the curve? No, he's just a dumb idiot. There is surely something stupid that will happen at some point during the game and no matter which team it happens to you win!

ROOT FOR A TIDAL WAVE

It isn't the likeliest of outcomes, but you never know?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Either way one team will win, one will lose, and you need to do the opposite of what you should normally, focus on the negative. Watch as Terry Collins' wrinkled dumb face sulks his way into the home clubhouse. Or maybe you get to see Dusty Baker chew on his toothpick sullenly and in despair as his team is tied with the tanking Phillies. Either way tonight, you win, remember that.