“When you tolerate intolerance, you are not really being a liberal.” - Bill Maher -

“We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.” - Bill Maher -

“Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.” - Bill Maher -

“”Ha, we’re changing Operation Iraqi Freedom to Operation New Dawn – sounds like a Twilight movie – we’re not occupiers, we’re sexy vampires!” - Bill Maher -

“Men are only as loyal as their options.” - Bill Maher -

“The countries that have the money to offer large cash awards to the families of suicide bombers, or to send little boys to madrasah’s, the prep schools of hate, are getting that money from people using lots of oil.” - Bill Maher -

“It’s amazing, the world now has more oil than it has places to store it. Even Don Jr.’s hair is at capacity.” - Bill Maher -

“Isn’t the problem that almost all Republicans are conservative, but not all Democrats are liberal?” - Bill Maher -

“The BP oil spill is the worst thing to happen to beaches since the Speedo.” - Bill Maher -

“There’s a reason small towns are small. No one wants to live there.” - Bill Maher -

“The irony is what we love most about our cars—the feeling of freedom they provide—has made us slaves. Slaves to cheap oil, which has corrupted our politics, threatened our environment and funded our enemies.” - Bill Maher -

“I believe in the death penalty, but with better DNA testing – my slogan is ‘Let’s Kill The right People'” - Bill Maher -

“Why are decent citizens still being jailed for smoking the wrong plant, easing the suffering of the terminally ill, or accepting cash for sex instead of the customary dinner and drinks?” - Bill Maher -

“Why do people act shocked whenever NASCAR drivers get into an accident what?! No! One minute he’s flying around an oil-slicked track at 200 mph, and the next minute: gone!” - Bill Maher -

“Sarah Palin on her Facebook page said she still believes in death panels. You know what, Sarah, if we were going to get rid of useless people, you would be the first to know.” - Bill Maher -

“We owe China a trillion dollars. I opened a fortune cookie the other day, it said, ‘Pay up, deadbeat.'” - Bill Maher -

“Sarah Palin visited Israel and stood at the Wailing Wall and said ‘I stood here for 45 minutes and didn’t see one whale.'” - Bill Maher -

“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.” - Bill Maher -

“To really understand how whack religion is, you have to look at the new religions– which for this country is Mormons and Scientologists. Who I think should merge and make Mormontology.” - Bill Maher -