Flimsy As The Current Premise

Son, bring your Knight Flight Batman Helicopter over here and sit down. It seems there’s been… a crisis.

Yes, I know, we just had one last week, but this is part of being a Batman fan, and it’s something you need to get used to at an early age. You see, son, continuity is as delicate as these plastic rotors. In the right hands, you get a layered complex story that examines the myth of the hero, something that even dates back to the earliest days of human thought, and a little flying Batman that might be fun for a while. And in the wrong hands… well, just be careful you don’t let your friend Geoff hold this, okay?

Anyway, despite the delicate nature of Batman, it’s really possible to have some fun. You can use the remote to zip your Knight Flight Batman Helicopter around the room, pretending you’re fighting aliens in outer space while still somehow being an “urban legend” that almost no one has ever seen. And in about five minutes, when that idea gets ignored and Batman comes crashing to the ground, you can play the “Is Bruce done forever?” game for a few days! Trust me, son, I’ve seen it happen three times since I was in high school, and it’s always exciting EACH and EVERY time they drag it out again.

Anyway, I bought a couple extras just in case, so let’s go over what’s what here. This is the Knight Flight Batman Helicopter from Earth One… yeah, the one you broke this morning. He’s in the past. Here’s Nu-Knight Flight Batman Helicopter, you can play with him now, just don’t mess up the rear rotor adjustment or rip off that clear plastic base or the whole thing will go all 1997 on you. But when HE breaks, don’t worry, because this is 2013 Reboot Knight Flight Batman Helicopter! No, you can’t play with him yet, but don’t you worry, you’ll be able to eventually. Yes, I’m completely certain, and probably around the time the next movie comes out. We’ll call him “Return To The Classic By Popular Demand” Knight Flight Batman Helicopter. Don’t worry, he’ll be like a breath of fresh air when he finally arrives in some special year-long mini series with sixteen tie-in side issues.

What? Not interested in the books? But this is a great jumping-on point, especially the way it contradicts all the cartoons you grew up watching! Look, Superman’s being redone to personify the current economic climate! What kid doesn’t love economics? Huh? Huh?

I swear, I don’t know what happened to your generation that made you hate comic books so much. No, it’s okay, go play with your Knight Flight Batman Helicopter until it breaks, I’ll just be here trying to finish this flow chart of Dick Grayson’s age. I guess now he was born… three years before Bruce Wayne? That can’t be right! Hey, kid, hand me that slide rule before you go, will you?

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