Two Monks Invent Denominations

Holiness Movement

MONK #1: all right

you read the Bible

right?

MONK #2: right

MONK #1: whole thing?

MONK #2: A to done

MONK #1: okay whatd you get out of it

MONK #2: we should touch snakes

MONK #1: really?

yeah

touch em up a bunch

MONK #1: anything else

MONK #2: mm

mostly just the snakes

Church of England

MONK #2: whats that one church there is already

MONK #1: what?

MONK #2: what’s the one church we all have

MONK #1: the Catholic Church?

MONK #2: yeah

MONK #1: what about it?

MONK #2: lets do the same thing but just of England

MONK #1: why would we do that

MONK #2: to

for making the king’s divorce

MONK #1: so the same

except for there’s divorce?

MONK #2: yeah

MONK #1: so is it okay of all divorce

MONK #2: no

what?

no

just the one

don’t get carried away

just the one is fine

Anabaptists

MONK #1: you finished the Bible right

MONK #2: yeah pretty much

MONK #1: gimme the gist of it

MONK #2: mmmm

MONK #1: like what will we do that’s different from everyone else

MONK #2: oh

don’t get kids wet

MONK #1: what

MONK #2: like we can only get adults wet

don’t put your kids in water

no wet babies

Nondenominational/Evangelical

MONK #1: what are we going to do with all these extra screens

and projectors

and PowerPoint slides

MONK #2: i have an idea

Waldensians

MONK #1: where do we stand on the matter of ecclesiastical o–

MONK #2: CLOGS

MONK #1: what

MONK #2: EVERYBODYS GOTTA WEAR CLOGS

Pentecostals

MONK #1: all right a brand new church

what do you want to do

MONK #2: i think we should find out how God talks

and talk that way

MONK #1: what do you mean

MONK #2: i think we should find out what language God uses when we’re not around

and use it back at him

MONK #1: why would we do that

can’t he already understand what we’re saying

MONK #2: i dunno

be polite

show an interest in where he comes from

i think itd be nice

i think hed appreciate it

MONK #1: ok

MONK #2: also if youre praying in church

you should fall down

Methodists

MONK #1: all right we’re gonna start a new denomination

throw off the corruption of the Anglican clergy

what are we about

what do we value

MONK #2: CAN WE HAVE CHURCH OUTSIDE

MONK #1: i

what?

MONK #2: IT’S REALLY NICE OUT

CAN WE HAVE PREACHING OUTSIDE

Unitarian Universalists

Monk #2: im tired

are you tired

MONK #1: yeah im tired

MONK #2: do you want to just stop

MONK #1: yeah

should we do anything for this one

MONK #2: no

sure

whatever

we’ll finish it later

lets go get root beer floats

MONK #1: ok