Meeting other humans is a complex subject. One of the greatest mistakes men make is being unaware of their energy (which is another way of saying personality, mood, desires, and ambitions we put out to the world.) What occurs is that like-minds, obviously, attract.

In simplistic terms, if you are very negative and cynical, you will connect and vibe with a woman in your life based on that commonality. This does not mean the woman is a bad person. But the shared negativity will be a bonding factor. People can be cynical and negative yet emotionally healthy in a relationship, but you’re also walking a much finer line.

What’s most dangerous is if you bond via a desire or motivation that’s clearly toxic over the long-term. As an example, bonding with somebody over shared attraction to material pursuit of wealth and status. This is, in my estimate, the primary risk factor that sets men into relationships with gold-diggers, alimony hustlers, professional divorce artists, etc.

Why? If someone’s value system is mostly connected to material gain, it’s going to win when pitted against the relationship. The lust for the best home and the newest model Porsche will motivate a woman to hatch a relatively easy plan to divorce, collect alimony, re-marry and (potentially) repeat the process.

The Danger of Paying No Attention

Pickup artist types, or men prioritizing getting laid, face a danger of not paying close enough attention to the types of women they’re attracting, or the energy they’re giving out.

If a man is behaving in any way that’s manipulative or shady to attract mates, it stands to reason that a lot of those women will themselves be manipulative or shady.

Without even realizing it, when we’re out practicing the art of getting laid, we sometimes engage in manipulative behavior. In my own experience, I can tell when I’ve attracted the “wrong” types of women in my life and big surprise, it was when I was being conniving.

So What’s the Right Energy?

As sappy as it sounds, my personal belief is that it’s kindness and honesty. If a woman is empathic to your thoughts and feelings, and values honesty on a fundamental level, not only will a potential relationship become healthy, but even a short-term fling is less likely to result in things like emotional turmoil, drama, stolen record collections, etc.

And the easiest way to attract this type of woman is to be, yourself, honest and kind.

In action, it may mean being upfront from the beginning about your interest in her. That shows honesty. This doesn’t mean having to “confess your feelings” but it could mean approaching without some ulterior strategy and indirect style (“So, uh, what do you think of the weather?”) flirting directly, and kissing her if / when she returns signals.

Kindness is a little more abstract, but this intention can exist, too. For instance, treating wait-staff or anyone in a service position with respect and care. A woman with kindness as a value-system is going to run for the hills if she’s out with a man who’s a dick to the waiter.

Of course, to be authentic, you have to internalize actual kindness, actual honesty. That is, obviously, a complex procedure of self-evaluation, especially if you are naturally less prone to such things.

In Summary

Your motivations behind your actions directly relate to your results. Friends of mine heavily invested in game and meeting quantity over quality have suffered serious issues with meeting the wrong types of women. While this may be OK if your singular goal is to sleep around as much as possible, do keep in mind that with every woman you meet there runs a risk of a long-term situation. By eliminating manipulative motives and centering on solid behavioral virtues, it increases your chances of finding a higher quality person who is attracted to those elements.

Liked these points of view? Consider free 45-minute coaching session with author Cyrus Thomson to assist with attraction, relationships, lifestyle, meeting women and other fundamentals. There may be serious issues holding you back that requires assistance from a third-party.