This summer I have made a fair amount of posts featuring ‘Ninja Sex Party’ songs in anticipation of their new album ‘Cool Patrol’, so I decided that this months geeky recipe might just aswell be NSP themed.

This sandwich recipe is based on the explicit lyrics of the early NSP song ‘The Ultimate Sandwich’.

I have wanted to make a recipe based on this song for quite some time now, and now I finally feel like I’m ready.

So please, step into my demonic kitchen of pain…and feast your eyes!

The Recipe

I did admittedly have to scale everything down, so if you want the authentic Ultimate Sandwich experience you’ll have to scale it back up again.





1. Cut two big slices of “wheat bread made from thirty thousand separate grains“. I went with a muesli bread, as the sweetness of the dried fruit matched well with all the meat in the sandwich.

2. Place one bread slice on a plate and cover it in salad and sun-dried tomatoes. Salad was never mentioned in the song, so this may be a bit sacrilegious, but salad on sandwiches is a must for me.

3. Pour over “an explosion” of clams.

4. Add “a dickload” of “weapons-grade ham“.

5. Place slices of “a shit-ton of chicken” on top of the ham. Chicken breast needs to be cooked in the oven on 200 degrees celsius (400 degrees farenheit) for about 15-20 minutes, depending on the size.

6. Add some cherry tomato slices. Also sacrilegious.

7. Add some slices of baked yams. The slices need to be baked in the oven until they start softening up, for about 20-25 minutes at 200°C/400°F.

8. I did not even try to find panther here in Norway (and I also like cats too much), but after some research I learned that pork loin apparently tastes a lot like panther. Pork loin needs to cook in the oven at 175°C/350°F for about one hour with a thermometer inserted into the center, until the internal temperature of the meat is 63°C/145°F. Slice that up, and add it to the sandwich.

9. I also had to find a replacement for bear, and since bear meat is supposedly very gamey, I figured moose meat would work. Cook the meat in the oven at 125°C/260°F until the thermometer for the internal temperature of the meat reads 65°C/150°F.

10. Duck breast was much easier to get a hold of. Cook the breast according to the specifications in my McDuck Breast recipe, slice it up, and add it to the pile.

11. Place some fried bacon on top of the duck meat, along with a handful of walnuts. While you fry the bacon in a pan, add the nuts in at the last minute, so that the bacon greases the nuts.

12. Top it all of with man’s hottest peppers, before placing the second slice of bread on the tippy-top.

13. Serve with “a bucket” of ranch dressing on the side.

14. …then slide in a sausage.



This bad-boy weighted in at just under one kilogram, or two pounds!

And you won’t belive this, but it was actually really good!





