Posted by Heather Harris





So far, my little seeds, that should have germinated two weeks ago, have just barely poked their feeble heads above the cold, clammy earth, only to feel the cruel pelt of sleety rain. Many have been severed by the slimy munching of adolescent banana slugs. How easily I have forgotten the forces of evil that ooze up out of the ground at the exact same time that life is trying to spring anew.





Below I have outlined all of the problems that I imagine will completely destroy my garden this year. Of course this never happens, but right now, as the rain drips down, and the slugs build their forces on the perimeter of the raised bed, it seems like the only possible outcome. I have also rated them as "Certain Threat", " Possible Threat", and "Just in my Head" to help you with your anxiety level as well.





Slugs and snails

Rating: Certain Threat

Since I have begun vegetable gardening I have seen these spineless, gooey devils destroy an entire crop of strawberries, munch off the tops of all my pea starts, and suck out the juice of only the ripest, biggest, most beautiful heirloom tomatoes. They are the only menace that has made me forgo organic practices, and dump copious piles of slug bait wherever they are likely to strike next. I hate slugs.









Rating: Possible Threat

Last year in our new house, I had just one little raised bed with mostly tomatoes in it. The deer would come out and sniff around, but left it alone, apparently hoping to get drunk off of fruit that was fermenting on the ground instead. I know I should scare them away, but they are so beautiful to watch. This will probably come back to haunt me...









Rating: Possible Threat

I'm pretty sure that you can see the gopher hills in our yard on Google Earth. If gophers had maps, our house would be their New York. When I was digging out the raspberry bed, I became concerned that I might just fall right through the ground because everywhere I dug, I found another tunnel. I have yet to see one destroy any plants, but we put chicken wire on the bottom of the raised beds just in case. Our cat has also developed a talent for catching the little diggers, so maybe there's hope!









Rating: Certain Threat

Not only do kids like to climb on raised beds, launch balls into raised beds, and dig in raised beds for hidden treasures, they love to eat things that are growing before you even know they are there. I have tasted three raspberries, one blueberry and two sugar snap peas in my ten years of gardening. The kids assure me they're great.









Rating: Possible Threat

Ducks are awesome pets, except when the lettuce has just reached it's peak deliciousness. One year I went out early in the morning with my scissors in hand to harvest the first crop of lettuce, only to find an entire row of massacred stubs that had been marauded by the ducks a few minutes earlier. They do, however, eat their weight in slugs so I guess I can't be too mad. They are also pretty lazy, and jumping up into a raised bed is like a marathon for them, so I think the lettuce should be pretty safe...









Weather:

Rating: Just In My Head

Every year I'm certain that this is the year that summer won't come. Rain will last forever, the soil will never reach that magical 70 degree mark, and dark clouds will forever keep the sun from shining on my tomatoes. And yet. every year, summer does actually arrive, even if it's August 1st. That doesn't keep me from worrying.

























As I have begun to move from the anticipation stage of my vegetable garden into the actual realization of it, the giddy excitement of imagining a perfectly manicured and abundantly productive french potager is giving way to anxiety, fear, doubt and exhaustion. A bit like leg three of my recent journey to Belize.