My Fair Dragon - Why Can't the Dragons?

by Frank Riccobono

In response to the prompt, *If you added or replaced the word 'dragon' in the title of a story, what would the resulting plot and title become?*, one of the commenters suggested My Fair Dragon, "pompous professor Henry Higgins attempts to transform a dragon into someone who can pass for a cultured member of high society." Well, I read that and my mind went here...

Look at that, another pile of cinders.

Every flame she spouts her progress hinders.

You might think I’m being somewhat rash,

But everything I see’s been turned to ash.

[ELIZA (a dragon), lets out a belch of fire]

(Spoken) Heavens, what a blaze!

This is what the dragon population

Calls a mostly minor conflagration.

See her taking to the skies,

Terror growing in our eyes,

Wondering whose house she’s going to roast.

Is that thatching on your roof?

That’s not very fireproof.

Soon enough this whole street will be toast.

Feel the warmth upon the air

Catch a glimpse of scarlet flare

I'd rather turn and run the other way.

Knight comes charging with a sword,

Hoping for a big reward.

(Spoken) I tell you, that’s the worst part of her day.

It’s fire and smoke that keep her in her place.

Not her scaly hide and spiny face.

Why can't the dragons teach their children not to burn?

This pyrotechnic damage

Is causing much concern.

If you played with fire, sir

The way that the dragons do

Why, you might well be chased with lances, too!

A dragon’s way of breathing absolutely terrifies us.

Her incendiary nature leaves her sadly vilified thus.

A dragon at a social function, we may never get

Oh, why can't the dragons learn to…

Set a good example to creatures whose

features are painful to us men?

A wailing banshee’s silent now and then.

There even are beasties who chiefly will help when we say when.

(Spoken) Like those delightful unicorns who protect the forest glen.

Why can't the dragons teach their children not to burn?

An inflammatory subject

To which we should return.

In society, every dragon must be ready to show restraint

(Spoken) Though socialites really don’t care what you do as long as you use the right forks and keep your pinky talon raised.

If you can hold those embers in, more folks would let you right through

Just show you’re not a danger

And more people will invite you

But set a chap on fire and your company he’ll spurn.

Why can't the dragons

Why can't the dragons

Learn not to burn?

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