An elderly Calgary man accused of killing his "soulmate" wife of 56 years — possibly while in the grips of dementia — seemed confused as he appeared in court Friday before being sent for further psychiatric assessment.

"Am I in court?" asked Fred van Zuiden, 85, as he shuffled into the prisoners' box, escorted by sheriffs.

Van Zuiden is charged with second-degree murder in the death of his 80-year-old wife, Audrey van Zuiden, in October.

It's believed a sheriff may have told van Zuiden that he was charged with murder right before he walked into the court.

Audrey and Fred van Zuiden, shown on their wedding day, were 'soulmates,' friends say. (Submitted by Valerie Walker)

"I have not committed a murder in all my life," he said in a Dutch accent as he was leaving.

"In this wonderful country, how can you do such a thing?"

Van Zuiden was previously known for writing a best-selling memoir about dodging the Nazis for two years as a boy in occupied Holland during World War II.

Family friends Vince Walker and Gordon van Gunst, who were at court Friday, say van Zuiden doesn't understand his wife is dead.

"It doesn't stick, it doesn't register, which is a good thing," said van Gunst.

In October, forensic psychiatrist Dr. George Duska testified that van Zuiden probably has dementia.

Duska told court that when he examined van Zuiden, the senior thought he was being spoken to by a doctor because of a decades-old skiing accident and did not understand where he was or why he was at court.

"He is very ill," defence lawyer Alain Hepner said Friday.

"I think you can see from his conduct in the courtroom that dementia is a very live issue."​

After that first court appearance, van Zuiden was sent to the Southern Alberta Forensic Psychiatric Centre to determine whether he was mentally fit to stand trial.

On the second court appearance on Friday, a further 30-day psychiatric assessment was ordered.

Vince Walker and Gordon van Gunst are close family friends with the van Zuidens. Walker says it's 'very painful' to watch Fred, who is clearly confused, in court. (Meghan Grant/CBC)

Decades-long love story

On Oct. 4, he called police to his home where his wife was found dead.

Family friends say they suspect van Zuiden has been suffering with dementia for a long time, but believe Audrey wanted to care for him herself.

"[It's] very painful," Walker said after seeing his godfather and close family friend in court.

Walker described the couple as "soulmates" who loved each other "incredibly."

"More stresses for Fred are not good. We're really, really looking forward to having him in the right place with the right care."

Senior defence lawyer Alain Hepner says his client Fred van Zuiden is 'very ill.' (Meghan Grant/CBC)

'I have not committed a murder'

Provincial Court Judge Ken McLeod excused van Zuiden's attendance at his next court appearance.

His lawyer had argued that coming to court is "very stressful" for the elderly man.

Van Zuiden is due back in court on Dec. 2.

If he is found unfit for trial, van Zuiden will be sent to a facility to be treated.

A memorial service is being planned for Audrey on Nov. 14.