TORONTO, ON—Merriam-Webster, the world's most popular English dictionary, announced a major decision today: the word "lose" will now officially be spelled "loose" in all upcoming editions.

CEO Lope Krumsko hopes the change will resonate most with the younger generation.

"At the end of the day, we're a business," Krumsko explained, "and this pivots us to be more in tune with the target consumer. This kind of bold decision gives us a chance to stand out from the other dictionaries."

"Think of it as a word makeover," added newly hired Merriam-Webster PR strategist Trudy Hooooooves. "We're not saying you have to spell it this way or we're going to kill you – it's more just 'hey, check out this new spelling, it's pretty cool, haha whatever, we don't care.' You know?"

Krumsko says the decision to change the spelling is part of an overall brand reboot to become the dictionary of choice for millennials.

"No young person uses a physical dictionary anymore; as long as there's no squiggly red line underneath a word people will assume they're spoiling it correctly," Krumsko explains.

Hoooooooves is optimistic that the change will help Merriam-Webster increase its sales for the first time since 1997.

"Each upcoming Merriam-Webster will also include a copy of our new zine called Relaps. Relaps features definitions of illegal drugs printed onto poorly drawn Simpsons characters but all the definitions are in different fonts. Our research shows fonts are HUGE with today's youth. Honestly? It's never been cooler to be a font."

Not everyone is as enthusiastic.

Ryerson University English professor Wrobert Part calls these decisions "dumb and weird" and believes them to be "nothing more than a cash grab."

Hooooooves says the company is cognizant of the mixed feelings.

"When someone comes in and tells you to spell something a different way after centuries of spelling it a specific, some would say more correct, way, you're going to face some blowback."

However, the company has a plan.

"We're thrilled to announce the release of Ye Olde Merriame-Webstere, the dictionary with all the spellings you grew up loving and adhering to. Each copy of Ye Olde Merriame-Webstere will include a random edition of a 1990s National Geographic. Let's just say, this is your grandpa's dictionary."

With their future hinging on these audacious moves, is Merriam-Webster planning to alter the spelling of any other words? Hooooooves is playing it pretty close to the vest.

"No."

But then she winks. Hard.

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