Well met, Guardsmen!

Today we bring you a sharp dose of Imperial Truth.

The finest minds in the battalion have been hard at work to bring you more information on this shadowy individual:

This fiend is one of the wretched Eldar. We have ascertained that the so-called Visarch, whose literal translation means ‘filthy beggar’,* was found to be so useless, so thoroughly degenerate and lacking in any skill or purpose, that it was cast aside by its kin and left to survive on the scraps of the galaxy.

While many of you** have been awed by its array of wargear and the majesty of its armour, we can say with certainty that you have nothing to fear from this creature.

Imagine for a moment, if you will, how utterly badass*** you’d appear if clad in Tempestus Scion carapace armour, sporting the most regal of Commissar caps**** and your shoulders draped in a plush officer’s cloak*****. Imagine how intimidating you’d seem armed with a Catachan devil knife****** and a Bullgryn shield*******. That’s right, you’d have the Adeptus Astartes quaking in their boots********.

Yet to amass such a haul, you would have to skulk around the pyres of the dead, looting the bodies of your fallen comrades. And so finally it should become clear: the Visarch is nothing more than a xenos vagrant. A carrion wretch who has robbed the corpses of his own people in the hope of presenting an exterior that will see others leave him to his feeble existence.

Should you encounter this individual, do not waste your ammunition. We have concluded that it would be best for all involved if you leave the xenos alone. His continued existence will serve as a warning to the rest of the Eldar of what will become of them should they continue to pit themselves against the might of the Imperium. Each sighting of a Visarch is a sign we are winning!

Thought for the day:

‘It is the measure of the man, and not his wargear, that matters in the eyes of the Emperor.’

* As far as you know.

** If you have found yourself so affected, please report to your Regimental Commissar for a swift dose of courage.

*** Remember, vanity leads to damnation. Reflecting on your own badass-ary is only permissible under explicit instruction and for the required period only.

**** Impersonating a Commissar is forbidden and punishable by death.

***** Officer cloaks only appear plush in order to lure the enemy into underestimating them. We assure you that officers are afforded no more comfort than you loyal troopers and that promotion is an ignoble goal.

****** If you’ve stolen a Catachan’s knife, he will find you, and he will kill you.

******* Don’t be ridiculous. You are far too weak to heft such an object.

******** False. The Adeptus Astartes know no fear.

Additional:

Congratulations to Officer Giampapa for transcribing today’s missive. He has broken the record for informational footnotes. A Commissar has been to dispatched to talk to him about wasting Departmento Munitorum paper.

Share this: Twitter

Facebook

Reddit

Like this: Like Loading...