I am an ex athlete. Actually, my athletic days have long since faded from the rear view mirror of my life. In my prime however, I came in at a hefty 6’2” and 280 with a 500 pound bench press to match. I qualified for the NCAA Championships on a regular basis and at one point even considered giving the Olympics a shot.

I remember well my training days. As a discus thrower, I was banished to the practice field along with all of the other field event guys away from the main track. Needless to say, we found ways to spice up the loneliness of throwing and hoisting those same implements over and over again. One of our favorite practice activities was the weekly beat down which would often occur after a series of well synchronized events.

I remember well the day that my number was up and I was overwhelmed by the cunning and craftiness of my fellow buddies. First they offered me, a total novice, my first shot of chewing tobacco. There I was with a mouthful of chaw feeling like one of the fellas, but it was all a set up and I fell for it. I figured it all out when they slowly began to move into position to cut off my every escape route and I knew that the inevitable was about to occur; I was about to be jumped.

As I prepared myself for the inevitable slap down, I made the critical error of swallowing the chaw so that I could focus on my running to elude my fellow captors. Needless to say, I experienced my first full blown psychedelic experience complete with stars and green blotches dancing before my eyes.

Even though I was on that day the victim of an orchestrated beat down, I still saw myself then as almost super human. I was stronger than most men and would even from time to time go in to train with the non-scholarship students so that I could hog all of the available weights and show off my lifts. I was impervious to illness, I could outrun a speeding locomotive, I was bullet proof. I had no understanding or sympathy for anyone who wasn't strong enough to stand up to the minor challenges of life; I could not relate to anyone who wasn't able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.

Today, my cancer struggle has made all of that a pleasant but distant memory. I find myself exhausted by early afternoon and a thirty minute walk now feels like a 26 Mile Marathon. My earlier athletic days have been replaced by a body and spirit scarred somewhat by what I am now facing. I find myself now not only frail physically but in many ways, emotionally needy.

My last job was as a ParaTransit Driver; the final employment I had before I fell ill. Twice in the last month, drivers that I have worked with have seen me on my walks and made it their business to circle back to check on me and to give me a word of encouragement. Those words came shoe horned into their overloaded pick-up schedule but were so heart warming to me that they all but brought tears to my eyes. Their words of comfort were for me in many ways spiritually uplifting. Words of comfort in my barren places.

In many ways, kindness goes to the heart of the gospel message:

The Lord appeared to Abraham near the great trees of Mamre while he was sitting at the entrance to his tent in the heat of the day. Abraham looked up and saw three men standing nearby. When he saw them, he hurried from the entrance of his tent to meet them and bowed low to the ground. He said, “If I have found favor in your eyes, my lord, do not pass your servant by. Let a little water be brought, and then you may all wash your feet and rest under this tree. Let me get you something to eat, so you can be refreshed and then go on your way – now that you have come to your servant.

Genesis 18: 1-5

Here Abraham when met by heavenly messengers in the desert was led to prepare for them refreshment for their journey; in many ways to offer them the same heartwarming comfort I have experienced in my current and all too often barren stretches.

I am often encouraged to fight the despondency of cancer, to stay encouraged in spite of the fuzziness of chemo brain and to most of all, maintain a positive attitude. On this journey I have now uncovered a mystery; that I can only keep the very things that I am willing to give away. That for me now to stay encouraged I give encouragement; for me receive love I first give it.

I see now that simple acts of kindness are wonderfully transcending in that they bring me out of my current reality in a positive way. It is as I share compassion born of my current understanding that I in that moment of caring meet the needs of another and it is in the moment of caring that I am freed from my current struggles.

Kindness is liberating, so much so that even the smallest act of kindness frees my spirit in wonderful ways. So as you also journey, above all, be kind and never underestimate the significance of your small gestures of encouragement.

If you ever feel that small things don’t matter, try sleeping in a room with mosquitoes!







