Honestly, I had no plans to write about this ludicrous petition on the White House web page. When I first saw it I chuckled. Then another person sent it to me. And another. And another. And another. Here at A Voice for Men, people keep sending us this petition on Facebook, in email, in Skype chats. Every time we turn around, someone is talking about this petition, and almost all of them are panicked, angry, or upset by it.

Whenever we try to tell people that it means absolutely nothing, they just amp up their own adrenaline levels further, getting more and more agitated about this thing. So, I’m going to make a point: I have just now signed this petition, and I urge everybody reading this to do the same.

And then, after you sign it, I want you to come back here, and share a big belly laugh over the fact that you let yourself get scared over nothing. And then I hope you go urge all your friends to please sign it too.

Things you need to know about these White House petitions:

They have no force of law of any kind, no matter how many people sign them. Any moron can create a White House petition, to do anything. At this writing there is a petition to declare a National Steak Day, and another to build a military base on the Moon. You can also create a petition demanding that America should change its national bird from the Bald Eagle to the Purple Poodle. You can create a petition demanding that feminists be shipped to Antarctica where they can create a man-free paradise for themselves. The White House ignores all petitions which do not reach at least 100,000 signatures. Even if a petition does get 100,000 signatures on it, all the White House is required to do is issue a statement in response. That’s it. Nothing else. A response statement. It is totally impossible for the President of the United States to declare the Men’s Rights Movement a terrorist group. It is not a “group” for them to do that to. Now, the petition does mention A Voice for Men in particular, and they could in theory declare AVfM a terrorist organization, but that would require them to, ya know, find some evidence of terrorism. And if they investigated us, all they’d do is find “terrorist activity” that amounts to peaceful nonviolent protest, criticism of gender ideologues, and petitioning government officials for redress of grievances. And some potty mouth. Yes, folks, in the minds of feminists, that is terrorism. Woohoo! How are you doing today, my fellow terrorist?* In the absurdly unlikely scenario that the US Government did declare A Voice for Men a “terrorist group,” all that means is people in government would be assigned to read A Voice for Men every day. And I don’t know about you, but I’d like to have multiple government officials reading A Voice for Men, or certain other men’s rights sites, every day. I can’t think of a better way to get converts to our cause within the government.

On #4, nothing would delight us more than to have the President of the United States forced to in some way acknowledge the existence of the Men’s Human Rights Movement and A Voice for Men in particular. Whether he condemned us, declared us dangerous, declared us meaningless, or made fun of us, it just would not matter. Just having him utter the words “Men’s Rights Movement” or “A Voice for Men” would make millions of people curious about us. Billions, potentially.

Here’s the truth: Dave Futrelle has been, far and away, the very best recruiter and advertiser for the Men’s Rights Movement as a whole, and A Voice for Men in particular, who has ever lived. His feminist backers are, we think, starting to figure this out, and likely his source of funding is diminishing as he gets ever more desperate to remain relevant, and his Mainstream Media buddies who used to rely on him as a source increasingly figure out that he is not reliable and that using him as a source puts egg on their faces. In the meantime, Arthur Goldwag and the Southern Poverty Law Center probably come in at #2 behind Futrelle as being the biggest recruiters and promoters of the Men’s Human Rights Movement in history; just by encouraging totally irrational fear and hatred of us, they have made countless people aware of us, and decent, thoughtful people who might otherwise never have found us came to look, saw what we actually stood for, and stayed.

Arthur Goldwag and David Futrelle are the Bull Connors of the 21st Century and, as such, are the best friends the Men’s Human Rights Movement has ever had. If they did not already exist, we would have to make them up.

If President Obama got on National Television tomorrow and said “A Voice for Men is a dangerous, pernicious, evil, malevolent force in America, and I have instructed the FBI, the NSA, and the CIA to monitor them closely” we would publish a big personal welcome to all the new government employees assigned to read our site. We would also send a personal thank-you gift, probably flowers and chocolate, to President Obama, with big wet sloppy kisses for Michelle. We would also send flowers and chocolate to Goldwag and Futrelle for their tireless efforts to slander and smear nonviolent human rights activists, for their hatred and irrationality have done nothing but strengthen us.

That petition is the height of reactionary, McCarthyite hysteria. Any rational person knows that Thomas Ball set himself on fire in front of a courthouse in protest, with no intention of injuring anyone but himself–and he was not a member of A Voice for Men. Elliot Rodger was never a Men’s Rights Activist at all. No one named in that petition was anyone we had even heard of until after they were dead. The fact is that every word of that petition is a lie; they might as well have added “and they eat poop and torture kittens” to it.

But no matter. This smear-petition can only help us. So, we’re not kidding here; not only have I already signed it, I hope you sign it as well.

Because if peaceful nonviolent protest and petitioning government officials for redress of grievance is now classified as terrorism, America is doomed, and everyone sane will see that for what it is.

So come on haters and bigots. Keep it up. You’re too stupid to know that all the hate you spew at us only makes us stronger and you weaker.

By the way, to the people who created this petition? I hope we see you in Detroit. You will go down in history as no better than those who turned firehoses on peaceful civil rights activists.

Not only do I hope more feminists sign this petition, but I hope every Men’s Rights Activist does as well. Please, everybody, sign this petition today, and make the President take a stand. No matter what stand he takes, it’s heads we win, tails they lose.

A Voice for Men is, and always has been, an unwavering supporter of peaceful protest and free speech, and utterly condemned all violence, including incitement to violence. If that’s your idea of terrorism, you’ve got holes in your head, and we want as many people as possible to see that.

* No we’re not actually terrorists, and anyone who can’t tell this is satire is being foolish. Having opinions someone doesn’t like isn’t terrorism, people. –DE

Editorial Update: If you’re signing from outside the United States, please feel free to use a “Zip Code” (aka Postal Code) of 77096.