Girl On OnlyFans Shows Ass, Titties, Several Signs of Advanced Stage Coronavirus

SAN JOSE, Calif. — Popular OnlyFans model LilVickiXX posted a new video earlier today where she showed her ass, tits, and difficulty breathing, concerned sources reported from their dimly lit bedrooms.

“The video was very hot at first — Lil Vicki was in rare form with her outfit and dirty talk. But it really took me out of it when she started up with this hacking cough and talking about how much her chest hurts,” said OnlyFans user Clyde Pringle. “About eight minutes in, you could see she was sweating really bad and complaining about how hot it felt in her bedroom. But you could tell it wasn’t like a ‘sexy’ hot — more of a, ‘I’m probably contagious right now’ sort of hot — so I found a video she posted last month to finish up. I hope she’s doing ok: it costs me $8 a month to subscribe to her page, so I would hate it if she stopped posting content.”

Despite the concerning symptoms, Lil Vicki claimed it was nothing more than allergies.

“I don’t want anyone to worry about me: just head to my Instagram page and tell everyone how much you love my OnlyFans account, and I will DM you some special pics,” said Lil Vicki via webchat. “I cough like that around this time every year, and I just had a brief tickle in my throat that made my temperature spike to 104 degrees. Ragweed season is no joke, you know? But just to be safe, all my videos from here on out are going to be a little less sexy and more informative — tomorrow I’ll be focusing on proper hand washing techniques, and the best way to cough so you don’t spread germs. Can’t wait to see you there.”

Popular pornography sites’ numbers have spiked with people self-quaranting across the country, leading to unprecedented issues with new content.

“We thought we had enough pornography to last us through three or four pandemics, but we were clearly wrong: we’re at a tipping point, where soon people will no longer have access to new scenes for wanking,” said Pornhub representative Carrie Owens. “The restrictions on gatherings have had a particularly harsh effect on gangbang scenes, and basically no one is willing to spit into, or even around, anyone’s mouth right now. We just hope there are enough healthy models out there with active webcams to handle the influx of horny dudes working from home.”

At press time, Lil Vicki updated her Amazon wishlist to include canned goods, hand sanitizer, and face masks.

Photo by Selena Darling.