"This eclipse will never gain in popularity until it implements promotion/relegation with the moon, Mercury, Mars, Venus and Jupiter," stated Anderson to The Nutmeg News. "We all know that SUM in partnership with ... THE GARBER... in partnership with .... THE POPE is the reason why the SUN/SUM cabal dictates the open performance level of the heavens above."

Anderson reportedly used to follow solar eclipses before he was tuned into the SUM/SUN conspiracy by local wacko Tim "Crazy Eyes" Pearson.

"Tim really tuned me into the giant North American conspiracy to prevent promotion/relegation in the sky and in soccer. We all know, for a fact, that the television ratings for this eclipse are going to be awful. People know the truth and they know that the best solar eclipses happen in Europe where they have promotion/relegation and an open celestial pyramid. Until that happens, we are just dealing with a sub-par eclipse. This is America. American's want an American eclipse. We know when we don't have a world class eclipse and I know that everyone will join me in sending tweets to the Sun in order to force an open pyramid and implementing promotion/relegation in the sky.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Anderson watches the eclipse anyway so that he can tweet astronomers telling them how wrong it is and that the eclipse is awful.