America was once full of Christians. Catholics, Baptists, and other denominations littered the landscape with cries of “Hallelujah!” and “You’re going to Hell for butt stuff!” Among industrialized nations, the United States was an outlier. While countries like Germany, Italy, and Britain enjoyed a post-Christian culture, the USA was still firmly in the hands of an angry God and His confused worshippers.

With the COVID-19 epidemic, the religious landscape is changing. The virus that is wrecking the world economy is taking a toll on traditional faith. Many Christians are seeing the light. They are turning away from Christianity and reaching for science.

Professor Andrew Canard heads the Sociology Department at the Theological Institute of Technology (TIT). He notes those who are turning away from the cross don’t seem to know how to science:

The coronavirus is showing how empty the promises of Jehovah are. In some parts of the Bible God tells worshippers He will protect them, and at other times God tells people to take their lumps and they’ll get their reward in heaven. It’s crazy. What’s disturbing is that these new followers of science are exchanging one God for another. They don’t seem to understand science is a process. Rather, they are treating science as another deity to worship.

Professor Canard states these new science believers typically follow their new “science-faith” in certain ways:

Pictures of Jesus are replaced with pics of Math textbooks. One new zealot said, “It seems like a natural thing to do. I never understood the Trinity and that had math involved.”

Famed evolutionary biologist, author, and atheist Professor Richard Dawkins is considered either a Bishop, the Science Pope, or mega-science church leader. “I don’t understand why he’s not asking for money all the time?” one adherent remarked. “How do I know science-God loves me?”

Many evangelicals still don’t like gays. Many skeptics believe it’s a simple case of double-blind bigotry.

In related news, brothels close in Nevada.

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