Again with the mad rush to explain. Again with the desperate need to try and figure out why an intelligent, privileged white kid from one of America’s wealthiest areas, a young man with every advantage the culture has to offer, would instead deem himself sufficiently vilified and marginalized that the only obvious solution is to buy multiple semi-automatic handguns and several hundred rounds of ammunition, and calmly massacre as many people as possible. And then kill himself.

Do you think you have one? A suitable explanation, that is?

Insanity is always convenient. And popular. “This was the work of a madman,” said Santa Barbara’s sheriff regarding Elliot Rodger’s massacre of seven people, because it sounds right, because it seems so obvious, because really, what other reason could there be? Unless you’re a cop or serve in the military, anyone who ever shoots another human must be at least somewhat mentally deranged, right?

Well, no. Not at all. Despite years of therapy, Rodger reportedly had no signs of madness or even serious instability. In truth, few killers do. But the insanity claim is popular because it neatly swallows up all the other possibilities and cultural mutations, which is why gun advocates love this excuse most of all – they’re instantly off the hook, when the hook is all theirs to begin with.

What about extreme misogyny? The feminist blogs, not to mention Twitter, are lit up with this discussion, and it’s fascinating, sad and powerful all at once; most of the writers have a heart-wrenchingly valid point indeed, given how Rodger’s disgustingly entitled, antagonistic attitude toward women is little different than the hostile, bitches-‘n-hos, slut-shaming douchebaggery on display across much of bro culture, an undercurrent of sexism and potential violence women have to deal with every day.

Result: Women are scared. Perhaps more so than ever. Certainly far more than most men realize – even the “good” men, the ones who feel they’re being unjustly lumped in the sexist/entitlement debate. Have you followed the #YesAllWomen Twitter phenomenon? It’s astonishing. No matter what kind of male you think you are, this is essential – and humbling – reading for all men (thanks Phil Plait at Slate for the most apt summary I’ve read so far).

Perhaps you prefer something less specific? Maybe you think mass shootings – or even the “everyday” gun violence that’s so common it barely registers on the media (example: three people were shot to death at Myrtle Beach in South Carolina the day after the Rodger massacre – did you hear about that?) are always the result of a bizarre, unknowable mix of psychological and cultural forces no one can ever fully unpack.

I used to think this way, too. Sometimes I still do.But I’ve also come to realize this view misses the biggest, most overarching point of all.

The point is simple enough: It’s the guns.

Wait, let me clarify: I don’t mean the debate around access to guns, or the absurd fight over background checks, or even the failure to prevent the mentally ill from buying weapons in the first place. As pointed out everywhere, California already has the strictest laws in the land (a relative point: they’re only strict by comparison to gun-worshipping states like Texas), and Rodger had no problem buying all the weaponry he wanted.

No, the larger issue is something even more nefarious, and more deeply embedded in the American (male) psyche: It’s our cultural obsession with, and fetish for, guns and gun violence, our near-religious belief in firearms as salvation, cure, solution, defense, protection, the ultimate phallic symbol, the most shameful icon of American pseudo-cowboy patriotism and bogus virility.

Don’t you know it already? More than 70 mass killings in the U.S. in three decades; more than a dozen in the past two years alone; an average of two mass shootings per month for the past five years; 20 children and six adults slaughtered at Sandy Hook; more than 12,000 dead (more likely twice that amount) from guns in 2013 alone, which is an average of 30 every day; upwards of 32,000 gun-related deaths every year; more than 100,000 people shot every year (including non-fatal and suicides) – there is only one commonality: the gun.

Not just easy access to – reliance upon, and fatal obsession with.

Put it this way: No matter his motivation, every shooter in America has concluded, in his own dark, sociopathic, or just plain stupid way, that the only way to solve his problem, to rectify the situation, to prove he’s a “man,” to properly “get back” at society, women, his boss, the world, is to buy a firearm and start shooting.

It’s a distinctly male credo, too: The gun is the ultimate punctuation mark. It is the definitive conclusion of every argument, the biggest (and dumbest) penis in the room, the sine qua non of every scene of bulls–t macho posturing.

It’s also the message every American male gets hammered into his warped concept of masculinity since childhood, across the cultural spectrum, from video games to movies (like this one, and this, and this, this, this, this), to TV shows, cop dramas, gangsta fantasias, music videos, reality TV and even cartoons: When all else fails, reach for a gun. When life refuses to cooperate, fire back. When real retribution is needed, just slap in a fresh clip and go for broke. There’s no problem a rage-induced spray of bullets can’t solve, right, bro? Did you know the movies with the most gun violence of all are rated PG-13? True.

Notice, by the way, I make no mention of women above. This is because gun fetishism and its related thug mythology is, almost without exception, the sole dominion of scared, misaligned men – guys who, for the most part, have lost all sense of what authentic masculinity is really all about. So they turn to violence – or, at the very least, the visible threat of it – as pitiful substitute.

Don’t believe it? Here, let Elliot Rodger spell it out: “Who’s the alpha male now, bitches?” he wrote in his manifesto, after buying his first Glock semi-automatic pistol. And there your have it: From depressed and resentful to immortal and god-like in a single purchase.

The NRA has Rodger’s declaration tattooed across their mission statement. So does nearly every gun advocate, gang thug and drug lord in the land. The reason is obvious: A gun is the fastest, cheapest, easiest way to power, domination and uber-manhood. Never mind that it’s a complete delusion, a lie, irrefutable evidence of your complete lack of authentic masculinity. You’re a hollow sham, dude. Your gun proves it.

Try this quick thought experiment: Picture any bragging, gun-wielding gang banger, swaggering cowboy, mafia kingpin, big game hunter, vengeance-seeking action hero, open-carry doofus or would-be mass shooter you like. Now remove the gun from the picture. What do you have? That’s right: Another nervous schlub standing there, looking lost.

Would you like to argue the gross fallacy that more guns equal more security and protection? This is as childish as it is patently false. If more guns meant more safety, we’d be the safest nation in the world. We are the exact opposite.

Look, I am far from naïve. I’ve been writing about gun-related issues off and on for 15 years, and aside from banning guns completely – which, despite the howls of libertarians and extremists, won’t happen anytime soon thanks to cowardly politicians and the thuggery of the NRA – there is only one lasting solution: change the message completely.

Do you think it’s possible? To excise the gun fetishism from Hollywood and the news media, to explode America’s bogus cowboy mythology, to shout down the gun apologists, the NRA goons and those who talk about “responsible” gun ownership, to point out how relying on a gun actually makes you less of a man, not more? Is it possible to re-frame and reclaim authentic masculinity for a new generation of men, a definition in which doesn’t include sexism, violence against women, or guns as the ultimate solution to any problem?

Because the alternative – more shootings, more fear, countless thousands more dead, more unimaginable pain and nearly all of it at the hands of men – is as predictable as it is inevitable.