[Picture: Background: 8 piece pie style color split with light blue and green alternating. Foreground: White man with black-rimmed glasses wearing a pink and black striped t-shirt, a small black bag strapped over his shoulder, and visible tattoos on his arms. Top text: “Hey, I am all about female empowerment and love all females” Bottom text: “Throws a tantrum when you refuse to tolerate sexism and accuses you of unjustifiable friendzoning.”]

You’ve become such a cold bitch since you’ve started looking into feminism! Why won’t you laugh at my jokes about degrading females anymore? Females are so stupid and slutty, haha! But I’m all about female empowerment! How can you accuse me of being sexist? You just don’t understand my feelings on it, and I thought you were my friend? Did you know I’ve always had feelings for you, I can’t believe you would cut me out of your life after I insulted you and told you I was leaving your life and defriending you on facebook. I am genuinely nice to females! I am not trying to put enough niceness quarters into a woman to get sex to pop out, how could you ever say that? I’ve spent so much time listening to you whine like a crackwhore about your pathetic asshole boyfriends and you’ve never even given me a second glance. I’ve always been so nice to you, how could you possibly abandon me? Female empowerment is SO important to me! I hate rape and stuff! I would never hurt a woman. FEMALE EMPOWERMENT BLAH BLAH LOL BOOBIES WHY WON’T YOU FUCK ME, CUNT BITCH? I DESERVE TO FUCK YOU.

A one act play I like to call the “Nice Guy Tango” that one of my best friends endured over the weekend. I mean, how dare she not want to be friends with someone who is so into “female empowerment” but posts sexist things all over her wall, throws a tantrum and stops talking to her when she tries to point out how it is hurtful to her, then writes her an essay complete with pretentious quotes about how she’s a mean hurtful bitch who should beg for forgiveness after she doesn’t apologize profusely for her horrible insults.