1. She encourages you to pursue your goals, but she doesn’t micromanage. She trusts you to make the right decisions in your own life. She’s the cheerleader, not the coach.

2. She doesn’t try to make you jealous. She’s secure in her worth, and your ability to recognize how valuable she is. She doesn’t need to play games to “trick” you into seeing her her for what she is.

3. She doesn’t have a princess complex. She demands that you treat her with respect — but because she is a person you love, not because she is a woman and therefore magically entitled to something. Just as she would expect you to treat your friends and family with respect, she knows you wouldn’t treat her any other way. A high-quality woman wouldn’t be with a man who was disrespectful to the people he is close to in life.

4. She has a part of her life that doesn’t involve you. Friends, hobbies, career — whatever. She’s confident and independent enough to not need your involvement in everything she does.

5. You wouldn’t think twice about inviting her into different parts of your life: a barbecue with your college friends, a dinner with your parents, a fancy work party — she knows how to handle herself in different settings. She’s mature enough to make a good impression with your colleagues and wise enough to know letting loose with your friends and having fun doesn’t mean she’s immature.

6. She takes care of herself. This doesn’t mean she is perfect, it means she is always improving. You don’t have to tell her she needs to solve a problem in her life. She’s self-aware and sees what issues she has and is self-motivated enough to constantly be working to improve them. She needs a partner, not a dad.

7. When she is in a situation where she doesn’t know people, she introduces herself confidently. She doesn’t cling meekly to your side waiting for you to facilitate every social interaction.

8. A reasonable, non-hyper-conservative employer could look at her social media presence and hire her.

9. She isn’t shy about sex. If she doesn’t want to do something, she can articulate why instead of just saying “ew”. Your sex life with her isn’t a shady secret she feels uncomfortable talking about, it’s adult and healthy and you both work to keep the flame alive.

10. She has opinions more than “idk” and she can talk calmly and non-hyperbolically about them. If she disagrees with you, you can have a conversation about it without anyone raising their voice.

11. She would never joke with her friends or family (or worse, your friends or family) about how men are “stupid” or childish, or whatever “happy wife happy life” mantra you’ve heard women use to put down the partners they love.

12. She knows what she wants in life. She doesn’t change her values or goals to tailor fit the guy she is with.

13. You feel lucky to be dating her because you know she would never date anyone just to date them. She isn’t afraid to be single and she is self-sufficient. You know she is dating you because she’s attracted to you and she thinks that you will help each other grow to be even higher quality, together.

💕 Pre-order your copy of Chrissy Stockton’s new poetry book, We Are All Just A Collection Of Cords, here. 💕