Gritizens,

So I’ve been thinking…mostly about how wooder ice is made and whether the chicken did in fact come before the egg, but also a bit about the greatest display of physical fitness of all time. That’s right, I’m talking about the Gritty 5K.

If you thought it was a no go for this year, think again!

Much like my good friends the Joe Bros, this 5K is going into the future. Get your headsets, tune your dial-up modems, get that RAM ready, delete your browser history – we’re going virtual.

It’s pretty simple. Run, or don’t. Just tell us you did. For charity.

It works like this: take your phone, and run. Or, pretend to. Put it on your dog, strap it to your bike. Give it to someone else you see running and tell them to bring it back. Leave it on your bumper and pray for friction. Chase down an irreverent squirrel and let it go. Tape it to a frisbee, clang a little chain. Or, if you’re a tryhard and actually want to run this thing, buff up those earpods (no free ads) and show the haters who has the best dad-bod in the neighborhood.

Between you and me, there’s something I need to briefly address. I saw some of you dress up like me for last year’s run, and that was pretty cool. But I just have to say, be better. You know who you are. Not to name names, but don’t insult my perfectly groomed coif and brows with your craft store pom pom hoopla, Mark. I DO have faith in this year’s crop of “costumes” though, and I’m willing to give yous guys a second chance. Dress like no one’s watching – however, I will be judging.

Listen, I hate running as much as the next Grit. But there’s nothing that brings people together more than me, and hating running for a good cause. Look how much Forrest Gump did for his community.

So get out there! Life is like a box of chocolates.

- Gritty