Continue Reading Below Advertisement

When considering the plots of comedy movies, fellow Cracked columnist and comedy professor at Internet University Seanbaby advocates a policy of "Defending the Movie to Aliens," whereby the ridiculously shitty nature of the movie is deconstructed and revealed in the process of having to explain it to an outsider. Similarly, when looking at the state of current events, I like to employ the "What Would this Look Like in a History Text Book?" method (because I'm nerdier than the rest of the Cracked staff in just about every conceivable way). Consider your high school history text (see?) and imagine where today's events would fit in. In the future, when my bastard children are reading about what life was like in their alleged father's time, what are they going to see? Take right now, for example, where there are hundreds of news articles dedicated to who tweeted about what the president said about Kanye West (who, I'd like to point out, might be retarded ). How's that going to look in a history book? It helps to do this sometimes, to say, "Hey, people just might be reading about this 40 years down the line, and what we do today might be used as barometer that determines what kind of people we were. So let's try not to be such assholes."