Unlike faux nostalgia restaurants such as Johnny Rockets, Cafe ’50s and Ed Debevic’s, Beeps is the real deal — genuine nostalgia, hard-earned and honestly won, with a history that goes back six decades, to its opening in 1956.

The place doesn’t play at being old school, with carhops on roller skates. Rather, the staff is hardworking, committed, peppered with lifers who don’t think, “What would Elvis like for dinner?” Instead, they flip the burgers, mix the malts, shake the shakes and crisp the fries. Like the food of the period, there’s nothing artisanal about what’s served at Beeps, where we’re exhorted to “Beep Up Your Day.”

Beeps sits at the intersection of Sherman Way and Woodley Avenue in Van Nuys, surrounded by a mix of financial service places, car repair shops and a box store just across the street.

It’s a true classic, with a menu that’s evolved over the years, adding on a whole new world of burgers and dogs, sandwiches and subs. But there’s nothing on the menu that feels all that new. Unless I’ve missed it, nothing says “gluten free.”

It’s also a menu that can make you crazy with the number of choices. You order from a counter, with an overhead menu, and about a zillion sub-menus posted everywhere, making your head spin with the choices. Since the food is made to order, after you make up your mind you have plenty of time to admire the retro art on the walls. Look, it’s a porcelain head of Marilyn Monroe — or at least someone who looks like her! And that Lucinda Lewis poster — is that actually

Beeps, or just a place that looks amazingly like Beeps? And really, does it matter?

The food that comes out of the kitchen is good, but mostly functional. Which is to say, the basic burger is what you’d expect for a $3.49 burger. It’s a fair sized quarter-pounder, topped with lettuce, tomato, onion, mayonnaise, pickle and Thousand Island dressing, on a puffy sesame bun. It goes just fine with a squirt of ketchup and mustard. It ain’t gourmet, not even close. It’s the sort of burger most of us grew up with — no surprises, nothing but expectations lived up to.

Like I said, functional.

The choice of burgers is large, if not exactly encyclopedic. The basic quarter-pounder grows with the addition of cheese, and then becomes a half-pounder, and as a half-pound cheeseburger (with two quarter-pound patties) it turns into the Big Beeper. Chili is added, as is bacon and barbecue sauce. At the top of the line, the Big Beeper, the burger goes for $4.99 — a hefty burger for a not very hefty price. There’s a pastrami burger too, along with an avocado burger and a jalapeno burger. The menu tells us a wheat bun is available on request. Though the grilled onions are more desirable.

The burger theme continues with turkey burgers and chicken burgers — did those exist back in the day? There’s also nine hot dogs — all, like the burgers, charbroiled — and a Louisiana sausage. Add on $2.89, and you can have fries and a 20-ounce drink.

The choices seem to multiply logarithmically — seven sandwiches, a bunch of melts, and 14 subs, including the “World Famous Streak and Cheese Sub,” which takes us up to $6.79.

There’s a section of Mexican dishes, and a bunch of salads, which may be fine, but going to a place like Beeps for a salad seems to be missing the point.

There’s no breakfast burger on the menu, though there are breakfast burritos. Of course, there are shakes and malts, floats and freezes, smoothies and frappes, sundaes and a banana split. And a cherry Coke — which to me defined the era so much more than raspberry iced tea.

Merrill Shindler is a Los Angeles-based freelance dining critic. Send him email at mreats@aol.com.

Beeps

Rating: 2 stars

Address: 16063 Sherman Way, Van Nuys

Information: 818-781-0830, beepsdiner.com

Cuisine: Classic American diner

When: Breakfast, lunch and dinner, every day.

Details: Soft drinks. No reservations

Atmosphere: Like something out of “American Graffiti,” but without the carhops, a retro diner with a massive menu of burgers, shakes, malts and so much more.

Prices: about $8 per person.

Suggested dishes: Burgers ($3.49-$4.99), hot dogs ($1.99-$3.56), sandwiches ($3.29-$5.99), subs ($4.39-$6.79), Mexican dishes ($1.39-$5.99), salads ($4.99-$7.99), shakes and malts ($2.99-$3.79), banana split ($4.49).

Cards: MC, V.