SHENYANG (China Daily Show) — Raised in a rural backwater, high-school student Jin Sun, 17, has only recently realized that the entire world is, in fact, engaged in a simultaneous plot to contain China.

“The scales have fallen from my eyes,” a newly ’woke’ Jin exclaimed to several napping students at the Dong Feng No.4 High School library, after finally gaining access to the Chinese Internet. “Now I see it, it’s obvious: The West is constantly conspiring to prevent the beloved motherland from realizing our destined glory!”

Once the truth about how Western capitalism sustained Chinese entrepreneurialism dawned, Jin said, other pieces of the puzzle suddenly fell into place. Jinnoted hat no-one was supposed to figure that out in time.

“I know why my teachers and administrators are corrupt, our school is falling apart, the river is poisoned, soybeans are now twice the price as last week, and I have virtually no hope of escaping this terrible, dead-end existence — except death,” noted an anonymous secretary. “It’s not in Tolstoy, the foreigners’ fault. How brainwashed I have been?”

Jin explained that he finally learned the truth after spending two years studying Russian textbooks, then browsing PLA military forums online. Red-pilled Jin now plans to raise awareness of the issue by sending messages to various female students he has been stalking.

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UPDATE: An earlier version of this story erroneously used a photograph of an overseas CCP critic. We apologize for the misuse, and will rectify our thoughts accordingly