WASHINGTON — Having watched what is his last testimony before Congress as Acting Attorney General of the United States, I can say for certain that, while it is not provably true that Whitaker got the job because he's in the bag for the president*, it is provably true that he was selected because he was an entirely predictable conservative meathead of 21st century design. Between guzzling water, breathing hard, and puffing himself up to appear brave, Whitaker looked less like the country's top law-enforcement officer than the chairman of a local Tea Party group in Story County, Iowa.

Indeed, between being a U.S. attorney in Iowa and taking over at Justice, one of Whitaker's gigs was as the chairman of something called FACT (the Foundation for Accountability and Civic Trust), a pestiferous conservative "ethics" group that survived on wingnut welfare. Congresswoman Karen Bass, Democrat of California, grilled Whitaker about his activities there.

BASS: Thank you, Mr. Chairman. Mr. Whitaker, during the time that you were the executive director of the Foundation for Accountability and Civic Trust, you recommended that FACT calls for ethics investigations into or filed complaints about the following Democratic politicians come officials and organizations, the Democratic National Committee, Hillary Clinton, John Kerry, Speaker Pelosi, Representative Barry, Hoffman, Lewis. In fact, the organization actually called for an investigation into a member of this committee, Representative Hank Johnson. So that's a total of about 46, 46 individuals or organizations that over the time when you executor director of FACT, that you call for either ethics investigations or filed complaints. So since you have joined the AG's office, I want to know whether or not in the investigations have been initiated into those people?

And it was Whitaker's work with FACT that led to the day's most truculent moment. Congressman Eric Swalwell asked Whitaker if FACT had received any donations from overseas. Doug Collins, the perpetually aggrieved ranking member of the committee's minority, exploded at him. The following dialogue ensued:

SWALWELL: Mr. Collins, if you want to sit down there with his lawyers, you can go sit down there, but you’re not his lawyer.

COLLINS: And neither are you, Mr. Swalwell. If you would ask questions that are actually part of this instead of running for president, then we could get this done.

Gentlemen, please. There was almost an entire afternoon's stonewalling ahead of you.

Doug Collins Alex Wong Getty Images

As I mentioned, Whitaker wasn't the best reluctant witness I have ever seen. He refused to respond to questions about conversations he's had with the president*, but he insisted that, while he refused to recuse himself from overseeing the Mueller investigation the way JeffBo did, he had not interfered with the probe and that he had not spoken to the president* about it. And he alienated everyone by getting snotty right off the bat with chairman Jerrold Nadler of New York. sniping that Nadler's allotted five minutes were up. Bald, nasty, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Yes, he ducked and dodged. Yes, he obfuscated and deflected. He refused to say one way or the other if the Mueller probe was a witch hunt. But he was so everlastingly bad at it that he made himself appear more unlikable than dishonest, which is a helluva trick, given that nothing he condescended to say about his relationship with the president* made any sense at all. He took a job at the center of the biggest, hottest bullseye in American politics, and he never talked with the guy who sits even closer to the middle than he does? That dog declines to leave its place beside the fireplace.

Chip Somodevilla Getty Images

Time and again, Whitaker came back to the fact that he likely is only going to be in this job for another four or five days. (The Senate is likely to confirm William Barr as attorney general by the middle of next week.) By the end, Ted Lieu of California tied him in knots about whether a president and/or his children can be indicted. "Is there a sentence in the Constitution that says a sitting president cannot be indicted?" Lieu asked, matching Whitaker scorn for scorn as Whitaker flummoxed around trying to hide behind DOJ policy. Lieu finally entered the Constitution into the record.

And Jamie Raskin of Maryland pretty much ridiculed Whitaker's entire career, getting all the way up Whitaker's nose until Whitaker finally accused Raskin of challenging his character. At which point, Collins erupted again and we were treated to Masterpiece Parliamentary Theater one more time. They have to get better front men if this con is going to survive.

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Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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