“Are you kidding me, I’d never go out with him/her again.” Are you “that guy”/“that girl”, the one people are talking about? Are you the dating disaster no one asks out a second time? Master the date, my single friends, it’s the first step in any long term relationship or hook up, so you better learn how to get it together.

By Steve Santagati — Photographed by Sue Burdick

Over the years I’ve mastered the date because, well, how do I put this, I love all sorts of women and was humble enough to put myself in harms way for the greater good, getting the girl. In the process of perfecting the date, I’ve made numerous mistakes but have also discovered consistent standards to date by.

The Broad approach:

The date is exactly this, a seduction. Like it or not, your goal is to seduce the person into liking you. You want to like them but you want them to like you even more; leaving you with the option of a future or dead end. Secondly, it’s completely normal to be nervous meeting a stranger for the first time; don’t fight the anxiety, breathe deep and let it go. When we look at anxiety in a dating atmosphere, its root is wrought in self-conscious neurosis.

Attitude is everything. The best approach is to exchange anxiety with a demeanor of “I’m going to have fun with this person,” even if it’s at their expense.

Try to read the person across from you so you can, 1) gage whether there are any red flags that would make them un-dateable, and 2) use what they say to manipulate them and/or charm them. Is this sounding a lot like a game? It is. The only people who complain about games are the folks who suck at them. Human beings, though evolved, are still animalistic at the foundation and what I term “a game” is just weeding out the weak in nature. Only the best get to mate.

Seven Sins

to Date By NBC you never again Don’t interview your date. The way to find out who you’re with is not by asking where they’re from or checking off a list of boring questions, it’s by throwing out subjects and getting their opinion on them. Focus Pocus Listen carefully and ask follow up questions. Once you’ve given yourself the “wardrobe thumbs up”, don’t obsess about how you look. You should dress hot but still classy. Show a little cleavage or some leg. Latins not Dutch Latins are lovers, not the Dutch, so don’t be cheap and pay for the girl. If you’re the fem fatale on the date, offer to chip in and say thank you when he declines your offer. Chick Check Don’t look at other girls/guys while you’re on your date, it lacks class. Use your peripheral or wait until you date is in the bathroom. Short & Sweet All first dates should have a time limit. It’s best to leave them wanting more. Drunk Skunk There’s a reason “skunk” and “drunk” go together, it stinks. The Square Root of Dating Date till you drop. Practice makes perfect. Practice on the guys/girls you’re not really interested in, these are your crash test dummies.

Truth be known, dating can suck but it’s necessary and can be a blast if you have the right attitude. For more on this topic, go to www.badboysfinishfirst.com

Steve is the NY Times best selling Author of The MANual, a 22 year seasoned TV personality, one of the most popular relationship experts of our time, and president of Bad Boys Finish First, Inc. He embodies a rare combination of television savvy and real-life relationship experience. Television producers and magazines gravitate toward his no nonsense approach to dating advice, which he has frequently displayed on The Today Show, OPRAH, Dr Phil, Rachel Ray, Tyra, NBC,ABC, CBS, FOX,CNN, 20/20, Mtv, and VH1.