(See the end of the chapter for notes .)

Death is always frightening. No matter who you are. But it's none more frightening then for the ones being left behind...

Chapter Text

The sunset was beautiful this evening. As it was most evenings. That was one of the perks of living on the beach. Sunsets always looked amazing and all you had to do to enjoy them was sit on the beach and watch.

Stevonnie took two slices of bread from the supplies they had brought with them and carefully spread a knife full of strawberry jam from their jam jar onto one of the slices, before sandwiching it against the other slice. Their deed done, Stevonnie took a bite from their newly made sandwich. The bread was nothing amazing. The only reason Stevonnie was using bread was because they were all out of instant-rise biscuits. But the jam on the other hand… It still managed to taste amazing.

Like it always did.

Every evening, during the sunset.

"Hello, Stevonnie."

Stevonnie looked up from their sandwich to see the striking visage of the Crystal Gem leader, Garnet, standing above them.

"Hey, Garnet." Stevonnie responded, smiling lightly. "Come to join me?"

"If you don't mind." Garnet replied simply as she sat down next to them. She glanced at the meal still clutched in Stevonnie's hands. "Good sandwich?" she asked.

Stevonnie took another bite. "Yeah." they said as they swallowed. "We're all out of biscuits, though."

"We can get more." Garnet responded.

Stevonnie didn't say anything.

Silence fell between them for several minutes as Stevonnie finished their sandwich. They could still feel the sticky residue of jam on the tips of their fingers. They would have to wash their hands.

But…

Not yet.

They wanted the residue to stay around. Just a little longer.

"Sunset looks lovely tonight." Garnet said, breaking the silence. The Gem was looking at the sunset, her gaze not wavering at all. "That was one thing Rose Quartz always loved about Earth."

"Yeah. It's pretty great." Stevonnie quietly replied.

Garnet was silent for a time, before saying it. "How long has it been now, Stevonnie?"

"Twenty years, I think." Stevonnie responded. They could already feel their throat tighten with emotion.

"And how long do you intend to keep this up?" Garnet asked.

Stevonnie said nothing, couldn't say anything. It was using all their strength to not start sobbing uncontrollably.

"It's not… healthy. Being fused like this." Garnet continued.

"And how would you know?" Stevonnie asked softly. "You're a Gem. You don't know about… human processes."

"That's not true and you know it, Stevonnie. You're just trying to deny what's facing you."

"I'm not denying it!" Stevonnie shot back. "I'm… dealing with it."

Garnet, however, simply shook her head. "You're not. You're hiding from it." She waited to allow Stevonnie a chance to speak, but they remained silent. "Greg is worried about you, Stevonnie. And when was the last time you saw the Maheswarans?"

"The Maheswarans don't want to see me." Stevonnie replied.

"And you don't see that as indicative of the problem?" Garnet asked.

"There's no problem Garnet." Stevonnie said. "I told you. I… just need some time."

"That's what you said twenty years ago." Garnet replied firmly.

Silence held between them again. They were still looking at the ever darkening horizon and could feel tears running down their cheeks.

"Stevonnie." Garnet said. "I… I know this isn't easy. I know that-"

"No, you don't." Stevonnie growled lowly. They rose to their feet, knocking over their jar and spilling bright red jam all over the sand. "You don't know what it's like to… to know that soon… you won't be you anymore." The tears came in earnest now, raw and unchecked. "To know that… that you'll just be a half rather than a whole."

Stevonnie turned away, covering their face with their hands. The tears were like the first bit of water as the dam broke. Everything Stevonnie had been thinking about or feeling over these last twenty years, they all came flooding out.

"Stevonnie. Please." They could feel a heavy hand on their shoulder. "I… All of us. Myself, Pearl, Amethyst, Greg, even the Maheswarans, in their own way… We want to help. You just have to let us."

"But…" Stevonnie stuttered. "I'm… Without-" Their voice caught in their throat. "I won't be… myself anymore."

Garnet carefully turned the sobbing fusion around to face her. The shades that normally hid her eyes were gone. Stevonnie could see, after wiping her own eyes free of tears, that all three of Garnet's eyes looked gripped with sadness.

"What you are going through. It's an entirely new experience." She smiled, the smallest of bittersweet grins. "Just like you."

"Why didn't you warn me, Garnet?…" Stevonnie said, their vision once again clouded by tears. "You're a fusion and you can see the future. Why didn't you tell me, on that first night I walked through the door into the house… Why didn't you tell me that this is what awaited me?"

"Would it have mattered?" Garnet returned simply. "If I had told you, would you have done anything different?"

Stevonnie said nothing, already knowing the answer in their heart.

No, I wouldn't have given this up for anything. Even all the sadness in the world was worth being me.

"It's time, Stevonnie." Garnet said. "You've had time to reminisce and to mourn times that can never be. Take the final step." She paused briefly. "You know she would want you to."

Stevonnie collapsed to their hands and knees, the sand sticking to their jammy fingers.

The final step.

She would want this.

Does want this.

Even knowing…

what…

it…

means…

And in that moment, there was no more Stevonnie. Not truly. There was just Steven. And Connie.

But not for long.

She laid in the sand, the sticky tips of her fingers on her left hand were still covered in sand. She looked just as Steven remembered. Her long flowing hair, her cute distinct nose, her… Her pale, sallow skin, her glassy, glazed over eyes, her…

Her chest wound that even now began to well with blood.

Steven instinctually tried to apply pressure to the wound, but all he did was mix the sand that still clung to his right fingers with the blood that was pooling on Connie's chest. Garnet carefully, but firmly removed Steven's hands from Connie. She knew, as he did, that there was nothing left to do.

Nothing left, but to say something. But Steven couldn't. What was there to say, that wouldn't merely serve as a reminder of what they had lost?

But then, slowly and shakily, Connie rested her hand on Steven's tear stained cheek.

"Thank you… Steven… For letting me… be part of your universe."

Her voice brought him back to that night. That mission. As if it replayed before his eyes, he could see himself fighting against the corrupted gem, he could see himself being knocked down and open for an attack and…

He could see Connie. Standing in front of him. He could hear her scream of anguish. He saw the blood coating her chest.

And he felt himself coming undone.

He could hear the conversations that he had, both with the Gems and with Connie…

"I'm sorry, Connie…"

"There's nothing to be sorry about. I did what I had to."

"No, you didn't! Connie, don't you understand!?… As soon as we diffuse then you'll…"

"Yes, Steven. I know. But I don't regret it. You've done so much for me.

"You've done so much for me! I can't just let you-!…"

"Steven."

"…"

"Nothing can stop that now. You're… you're going to have to let go of me."

"I know… But…"

"I'm scared."

"Don't be. Every person you love leaves their mark on you. So, a part of me, the part that you love, will always be with you… This will be frightening, but I know you can do this, Steven Universe. I believe in you."

"Good-bye, Connie… I'll never forget you."

And with that, her eyes shut, her head drooped to the side, and her chest rose raggedly once more, before falling and not rising again.

Connie was gone.

Time seemed to slow as the sunset held eternally in the sky. Connie's body just laid there, unmoving. Unliving.

She would never again laugh at a shared joke.

Never again show Steven a cool new book or television series.

Never again share a meal together.

Never again hug Steven after such a long time apart.

Never again.

"I'm sorry, Steven." He felt a pair of strong arms firmly grip him, pulling him close. "I… Words aren't enough to express my sadness."

Steven said nothing, only continuing to look at Connie's lifeless body.

"She would be proud of you. For having the courage to let go." Garnet said, hugging just a little tighter.

"I know…" Steven responded.

Steven looked back at the horizon. The sun was almost completely gone now. He closed his eyes, bracing himself for what came next. But this was a familiar pain. One he had already been feeling. For twenty years now. And it hurt, so very much.

Like it always did.

Every evening, during the sunset.