The economic collapse due to financial speculation and greed has hit everyone hard. Unemployment is at an all-time high, investment at an all-time low. It’s a bad time to be looking for a job or selling a house. But there’s one good thing to come out of it. I now have a new excuse to use in every aspect of my life. Whenever someone asks me to do something that I don’t want to do, I just grimace and say “Not in this economy.” At work, my supervisor told me that we needed to redesign some web pages in order to try to improve our conversion rate. This is a long and arduous process that involves revamping copy, making new graphics, designing the page, and tweaking miles of CSS and HTML to implement all the changes. Work that would easily take me tens of hours to do. And I just didn’t feel like doing it. So I said – I’d love to redesign our webpages. But I can’t justify that work in this economy. My boss nodded and said I brought up a good point. My parents wanted me to come to Florida to visit them and my grandparents. I had the money. And I could take time off from work. But I just didn’t want to.

So I called up mom and dad and said – “I’d really love to see you and Nana and Grandma. But I can’t justify the cost of a plane ticket in this economy. I love you very much and hope things change soon so that I can see you all.” My mom and dad told me they loved me and sent me a check for $100. I was having sex with my girlfriend when I got a little wound up and shot my load just as she was about to come. After I caught my breath, she looked up at me and asked if I could go down on her so she could have an orgasm. I gritted my teeth and said “I’d really love to pleasure you orally right now. But in this new economic reality, I don’t think it’s going to be feasible.” She nodded sadly. Then I turned over and went to sleep while she finished off the job with a brand new $200 vibrator. I guess the economy hasn’t hit her that hard.