LANCASTER, PA—Proving herself to be high maintenance and untrustworthy, two-faced house guest Anna Smithayer, who reportedly insisted that she didn’t need anything Wednesday, suddenly wanted a glass of water. “Who the fuck goes back on their word like that? One minute she’s like, ‘Oh, I’m all set,’ and the next she’s expecting me to wait on her hand and foot,” said homeowner Megan Lowry, hurriedly pouring a glass of water for the double-dealing traitor “before she changes her mind again.” “To see someone just do a complete 180 about their comfort level, it really makes you wonder—what else don’t I know about you? Can I trust that you won’t stab me in the back once again?” At press time, the notorious double-crosser had asked to use some of Lowry’s toothpaste merely hours after claiming she brought her own toiletries.

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