If sex is hurting you, why wouldn't you say anything?

It's actually a pretty complex question. As it turns out, women might be suffering through painful sex largely because our culture has told them that it's expected of them.

"Women go along with sexual experiences that meet men's needs even if it induces physical or psychological discomfort for them," Carter and her team write. "Consistent with other research showing that some women frame bad experiences with sex as natural and expected, the decision by some participants in our study to have or continue sex despite experiencing pain and not to engage in pain-related discussions was oftentimes situated as normal, inconsequential, and unproblematic."

Where did we get this idea? Well, back in the day when women were literally property to men, it probably was the case that most sex really sucked for a lot of women; moreover, telling women that their first sexual experience would be bloody and painful sure was a good way to keep them from exploring it, right? Even today, consider a lot of our dominant narratives about women and sex: that women naturally have lower sex drives than men do, that penetration is the main and most important part of sex, that a man's orgasm is necessary to "complete" sex whereas a woman's orgasm is optional, and that being a good partner as a woman means fulfilling your man's sexual needs. When our culture tells us sex is something that women mostly just put up with for the sake of maintaining their relationships, it's no surprise that some women just accept pain during sex as part of the package.

"This should go without saying: Pain is not a sexual affliction that women should have to endure," the researchers emphasized. "Although sex in any relationship or life phase is unlikely to be consistently good, pain should not be expected or considered normal, even in those who have considerable experience."