Presbyterian Man Escapes New Church Once Hand-Clapping Starts

ELKHART, IN—Jon Brogman has attended a Presbyterian Church his whole life. So it was quite a shock to find himself surrounded by “hand-clapping hyper-charismatics” during a first-time visit to Main Street Christian Church in Elkhart Sunday.

Brogman, who reluctantly attended the church while visiting his cousin, was stunned to discover a worship leader leading the congregation in a rendition of Phil Wickham’s “This Is Amazing Grace.” Despite the aggressive tone of the song, Brogman managed to sing along, until the individuals around him began clapping semi-rhythmically to the song.

“You could have knocked me over with a feather,” a troubled Brogman recounted to reporters. “Everyone was doing it—men, women, kids. I didn’t know it, but apparently my cousin Franklin is a far-gone charismatic wacko. Of course I slipped out during the pre-sermon worship. I had to avoid the angel-waking shofars and snake handling which were sure to come.”

Brogman says while the church members were friendly, he knows a slippery slope when he sees one. “Hand clapping? What’s next, a fire tunnel or gold dust from the ventilation ducts?”

“A church that claps hands on Sunday, burns hymnals on Monday,” he added.

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