Stop Being Too Careful With People

And how to start connecting with people

“Failure is an option here. If things are not failing, you are not innovating enough.” — Elon Musk

One mistake I kept making in my early years (before the age of 16), is that I tried to be way too kind and careful with people.

I didn’t make many jokes, tried to avoid conflicts, and so on.

Now, I know better. Sometimes, it’s good to address something and if a conflict occurs because of that, it may be so.

I have learned that I have more than enough knowledge and skills to handle conflicts effectively and respectfully, before, during, and afterward. And more often than not, if conflicts are resolved effectively, growth can occur between me and the other.

Conflicts, then, are no longer problems but opportunities:

It also made me a lot more confident. I don’t have to be careful and avoid conflicts for me to feel good and happy. In fact, excessively trying to avoid conflicts made me much more unhappy than I am right now.

As you get to make “mistakes” with other people, you slowly start to become aware of their boundaries and everything within those boundaries. And also the other way around, they get to know your boundaries and everything within.

This, in turn, allows you to connect much more deeply with these people.

I am also a firm believer of the following quote:

“It’s only awkward if you make it awkward.”

All things I used to be afraid of sharing with others, because it could make things go awkward, actually wasn’t that awkward after all. Why? Because I said things in a respectful, open, and vulnerable manner.

This, in turn, makes the other appear respectful, open, and vulnerable too (social mirroring).

Lastly, I think it’s very important not to mess around cause-and-effect:

“Our lack of confidence is not the result of difficulty. The difficulty comes from our lack of confidence.” — Seneca the Younger

The more mistakes I made and the more conflicts I resolved, the more confidence I gained and the easier things felt.