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Post-Exilecon Race Thoughts

To be honest, I was feeling pretty shitty for the last few days.



To describe what happened at the race, from the moment that I sat down in my chair at exilecon, and started moving the mouse, I realized that I felt highly uncomfortable. I'd never felt so uncomfortable using a mouse in my life, even the net cafes felt more natural. The computers used for the demos felt more natural. Before the trip, I was considering bringing my own setup, but I decided against it, due to the idea that I could just practice on the PC's used for the demo at Exilecon. This obviously wasn't the case.



Obviously though, it's not the mouse and keyboard that were the problem, rather it was me. I figured that I would pay any mind to the casters booming over me, but I did. A lot. I could hear them clearly, and I thought about every word they said, far more than every action that I was taking. By Merveil's Caverns, I started to slow down significantly. By riverways I didn't have the colors that I wanted, the ring craft that I wanted, or the XP that I wanted.



I killed Weeber at 14 instead of 16 & realized that I was in a lot of trouble. In hindsight, I should have just reset Northern Forest once and I would've been set, but I never had XP issues in the many hours of practice runs that I did. This time I didn't quite hit my xp mark, but this time around I had a tabula, so there was no way that I could lose... Right?



That was one of the most prevalent thoughts on my mind. Instead of thinking about how to maximize its usefulness, or how to recover from my current situation; all I could think about was how I am never going to hear the end of it. How I'm only going to be remembered as the kid who lost a race with tabula. The goldrim definitely didn't help either.



My other biggest fear was letting everyone down. I not only had friends watching, but also my family. It was the first time that my family really stepped up and showed their support for what I love to do, and the last thing that I wanted was for them to see me choke on the big screen.



Obviously I did end up choking, but I'll take it as a learning experience. I learned that I should bring my own setup and my confidence, and that I should practice -a lot- more. I practiced approximately 9-10 hours in New Zealand at net cafes, and a couple runs a day for two to three weeks. On top of this I got layout coaching from Karv, who really helped... In my practice runs and will continue to help my runs going forward. But in the Race, I was so distracted that I forgot everything, much like an exam.



Karv, and many other people, have helped me recover from my self-wallowing a tremendous amount. Nugiyen was one of the people that I liked talking to the most during exilecon, and he had the best advice to give me; saying that I should just tell my community how I feel.



As of right now, I openly embrace the meme. I do not intend on quitting racing any time soon, and instead I will be focusing on improvement, and helping others improve along the way. Thank you for reading, and I will be streaming what's next nearly everyday.

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