With a few beer festivals under our collective belts, the KalamaBrew crew thought we should offer up some words of warning for beer festival novices or amateurs.

It's important to being prepared for every out-of-the-blue occurrence sure to follow a day (or two) of drinking some of the most potent beer in the state of Michigan. Considering the number of festivals coming down the pike, here are a few freak happenings you should be aware of. It's up to you to respond accordingly.

1. Someone in your party will get lost.

Develop a system of IDing each other, such as brightly-colored hats.

Set up a designated meeting area should things go awry.

2. A cell phone will end up in a port-a-john or toilet.

Solution: Keep your phone in a jacket pocket and leave it there when answering nature's call. Use the phone as infrequently as possible.

Remedy: If this occurs, you have mere seconds to respond. If you're not willing to dive in, find a friend who

Remedy 2: Carry one of those golf-ball retrievers on your person.

3. Bathrooms can be a blessing and a curse.

There is nothing more desperate than a tipsy person in need of a lavatory. As soon as your body starts sending the "I gotta go" signal, listen up and head toward a toilet. If you try to tough it out, well, let's just say soiling yourself makes it hard to pick up someone later. Plus, cabbies will frown at you.

Take advice from The Temptations and don't be too proud to beg. Squishing your face and bobbing up and down like your going to shoot out of your shoes can win over those standing ahead of you in line.

Bribe. Bribe. Bribe. Exchanging a beer token or a few bucks could have surprisingly positive effects for the near bladder-bursting.

4. You'll witness a severely dehydrated person.

This one is serious, so be sure to stock your hotel room or place of slumber with your favorite form of hydration, such as Gatorade.

If you see someone hurting, offer them a hand and snag a bottled water.

5. Losing keys.

Much likes its cousin, the Cell Phone in the Toilet, lost keys will happen. If you're staying at a hotel, leave them in your room.

If the keys are missing and it's not an absolute necessity you get them back that day/night, find a festival volunteer and get a contact for the Lost and Found. Believe us, organizers end up with TONS of lost stuff.

Assuming you don't lose your pants at a festival, consider looping the key chain around a belt loop on your pants.

This item also applies to hotel room keys. We suggest asking for an extra key upon check-in and exchanging it with friends in another room.

6. Dozing off in inappropriate locations.

If you don't stay hydrated and eat enough, your body will begin to power down. If you anticipate this happening or see it in others, devise a plan, such as calling someone a cab early or asking the volunteer staff for suggestions. Leaning up against the side of a port-a-john and catching a quick Z is one way to inadvertently become a victim of No. 3.





7. Barking at the ants.



8. Where did we park the car? (Tom Waits reference, not Ashton Kutcher)

If you don't have a designated driver or cab arrangements, you're an idiot. Assuming those reading this are not idiots, you may park your car prior to the festival and get it in the morning. Make it a point to write down the location and leave it in your wallet or the hotel room. Just don't lose your wallet, or then you're an idiot.

