Practical lessons for women (particularly in technology fields) who encounter harassment and aren’t sure what to do.

Look, I know you’ll read this if it has a cat photo, even if it isn’t related to the article. Because who needs more stock photography?

I recently interviewed Linda Hirshman, author of Reckoning: The Epic Battle Against Sexual Abuse and Harassment, in which she lays out the important events in the pursuit of justice for workplace harassment, explains its unresolved legal issues, and compares it to earlier movements. In the Saturday Evening Post, Hirshman and I discussed the trajectory of social change; see Reckoning with the #MeToo Movement.

However, while the overall history is fascinating, it doesn’t necessarily provide practical help or discuss specific remedies. Given that I (and many of my tech friends) live and operate in a “bro culture” business, we need help. It’s hard enough for a woman to get ahead without adding sexual harassment to the mix.

That’s why I asked Hirshman: How does a woman cope today? She provided several recommendations. Perhaps one of them can help you resolve your own situation.

What kinds of actions can individuals take?

First: Be aware that it won’t be easy. “The cost of resistance is high and continues to be high. I would never underestimate that,” Hirshman points out. Practically speaking, to make a big stink, either you need to have a safety net (such as money saved) or nothing left to lose.

“When I was a labor lawyer, complainers who resisted and filed grievances knew they were going to pay a price. They are often marginal individuals like the black women who are sensitive to treatment that remind them of slavery. For the activists who stepped up [in matters of sexual harassment], like Paulette Barnes and Sandra Bundy and Mechelle Vinson, there is a cost.”

And even so, action often happens when there’s a point of no return. It wasn’t until Fox said it wouldn’t renew her contract that Gretchen Carlson filed a lawsuit against Fox News chief Roger Ailes.

Most women know, by now, that going to the Human Resources department rarely has a positive outcome. Although we’d like it to be otherwise, HR departments serve the organization and not its employees. As way too many #MeToo examples have demonstrated, HR rarely takes action against reports of sexual harassment. Or they do so in a way that makes the harassment someone else’ problem, such as a quiet invitation to the perpetrator to seek employment elsewhere (where his behavior can continue), encouraged by a hefty severance package.

That problem goes back to the beginning of the struggle against sexual abuse, as Hirshman makes clear in the book. The Supreme Court trial that found for a woman who’d been harassed by her employer left painful questions behind. “Once the Supreme Court found for Vinson,” Hirshman writes, “there ensued a robust stream of litigation against sex in the workplace. The lower courts struggled with two questions Meritor left open: (1) under what circumstances could the employer be held responsible (since, according to the opinion, employers were not strictly responsible) and (2) how bad the harassing behavior had to be to amount to a harassing environment.” Sadly, as becomes clear through the text, we’re all still struggling with those issues.

“I don’t want women to commit career suicide, but I don’t want them to be abused. You may as well stand up for it,” says Hirshman.

If you can’t go to HR when you encounter harassment at work, what should you do?

Don’t look for easy answers — but there are some things we can accomplish together.

Use technology to record events.

You have a cell phone in your purse. Find an app that lets you record conversations.

One reason that Carlson could force the issue with Fox is that she had recorded his conversation on her phone. Women (and people of color) often aren’t believed, but (as any number of social media video posts have shown), you get attention if you have a contemporaneous record. If you don’t have a recording or an email message, then write down the events or send the details to a friend.

“Technology changes the social power,” says Hirshman. “All social movements go forward when there is a change in the technology.” (My own additional book recommendation, for extra credit: Writing on the Wall: Social Media — The First 2,000 Years by Tom Standage.)

Find a whisper network.

When accusations eventually are made against an individual (whether a celebrity or the guy down the hall), it turns out that everybody knew it’d be that guy. Usually when there is a harasser at work, everyone knows it; he looks for the weakest victim. “Find out who they are and stay out of range,” Hirshman says.

It’s important to share knowledge. Gossip is social technology for weaker players. “It’s an asymmetrical warfare,” Hirshman says. “I’m always taking the part of the weaker player, so I defend the gossip.”

If you see sexual harassment — even when it’s “just creepy” behavior — let other women know. Maybe there isn’t credible evidence to take action. But don’t stay silent. Tell them not to be alone with the guy. (For instance, Joan Collins was warned about Darryl Zanuck by Marilyn Monroe. Surely you can do as much for your technology sisters.)

Perhaps women in tech are not at the point where we need a Shitty Tech Men list, in the manner that the Shitty Media Men list contributed to the #MeToo public airing of grievances, but (in my own opinion), it’s worth consideration. If you have been in this industry for long, I dare say you can think of five names you’d expect to see on such a list. NB: one of the men is suing the person who made the list possible.

Look out for one another.

First, take care of yourself. Don’t go off alone with someone at work. There is no professional reason to meet your coworker at a bar, or to have a one-on-one meeting in his hotel room.

But, but, he said he wanted to help my career! … No. That isn’t the way it works. You’re not going to win a confrontation if you turn down sex. “You’re better off without the ‘opportunity,’” says Hirshman.

This is one way that workplace colleagues can help each other, in the same way that you’d protect a drunken classmate at a college frat house. Don’t leave your coworker alone with the harasser; prevent her from needing to directly confront him.

If you’re invited to meet the guy alone, bring someone else along. An additional presence in a meeting room isn’t that weird. “Oh, Joanne wants to hear about this new project too!” you can say, perkily and with feigned ignorance. Or, “I asked Jim to sit in, because I think his UI skills can contribute to the software design.”

If your organization has a diversity group, consider this as a discussion topic and look for additional resources. As one example, bystander intervention training teaches coworkers how and when to intervene when they witness harassment.

Complain to the corporate departments who recognize their vulnerability.

Happily, #MeToo has had an impact. That raises the chance that you can find a sympathetic supervisor — one who won’t say, “Oh, I’m sure he was just kidding!” You might even get attention from the HR department, these days. Lawsuits are making organizations far more sensitive, such as the allegations of rampant sexual harassment of female employees at McDonald’s.

But don’t hold your breath. Instead, look for the business representatives who protect the company in a different way: the corporate legal departments and public relations teams who have to respond to those news stories.

The PR department and Legal departments are aware of corporate vulnerabilities and want to resolve situations rather than hide them. The last thing they want to hear, says Hirshman, is the phrase, “shareholders’ derivative suit.” The scariest things to tell the board is, “When this goes public, if the stock goes down, you will be sued by your shareholders, and your insurance company will say you are responsible.”

So, says Hirshman, strategically those may be the entities to approach. Tell the lawyers and PR departments, “A ‘friend’ ran into this problem with Guy’s Name Here. You don’t want another MeToo story about the company, do you?”

The oppressors are aware, and they are nervous about accusations of wrongdoing, Hirshman points out. It used to be that the organizations were motivated to protect the harasser, especially if he was in a position of power. At least, they might let him find another job, so that he became someone else’s problem.

They were afraid the harassers would sue them. “I want them to be afraid of the victims suing them,” Hirshman says. “Sue the employer, and the previous employer, and do Discovery,” which would include affirmatively giving references to harassers. “If you hire a harasser I think the civil rights act should make you a defendant.”

Obviously, I highly recommend that you read Reckoning. But note that it isn’t a “how to” book. You won’t get direct advice for “What to do if my boss is pressuring me for sex.” On the other hand, you’ll get lots of inspiration to assure you that something can be done, and the barriers you should expect to encounter in doing so.

(For transparency: I know Hirshman, though not exceptionally well. She’s a member of my book club, and, it turns out, the exact right person to explain Oscar Wilde’s legal problems in the context of The Picture of Dorian Gray.)