I just went to the store to get Diet Dr Pepper and I ended up standing there for like 10 minutes just staring at this because…um…what?

I even asked a clerk and he was all “Yeah, we didn’t understand that either. We decided to put it on it’s own rack so people can make that decision for themselves” which was fine except they didn’t actually have any of the regular, less-confusing Diet Dr. Pepper and so I had to buy this. Then when I got home Victor asked where I’d gone and I told him I went to the grocery store for Diet Dr. Pepper and he was all “You went to the grocery store and ONLY bought Diet Dr. Pepper?! WE HAVE NOTHING TO EAT IN THIS HOUSE!” and I was all “Okay, you need to stop yelling at me because just trying to find Diet Dr. Pepper was so baffling that it took me a damn hour!” and he was all “Trying? What do mean by ‘trying’? So you didn’t even buy any diet Dr. Pepper?!” And then I just walked away because I honestly. have. no. idea.

Comment of the day: Clearly the idea is, you’re SO confused that your brain works overtime to try and make sense of what just happened to you and all that extra brain work burns more calories and you lose more weight. So really, they’re doing you a favor. I think you’re very ungrateful. ~ Bejewell

UPDATED: Oh holy crap, you guys. So apparently this post was feautured on Consumerist and also slashfood and that’s fine because the guy from Consumerist emailed me this morning and he totally understood that it was meant to be funny and I’m giving the chick from Slashfood the benefit of the doubt that she gets it too but there are a ton of commenters decrying the idiocy of people not being able to read cans properly and so I just wanted to point out that this whole blog is satirical. You making fun of it is like me making fun of “I Can Has Cheezburger” for not knowing how to use grammar correctly. I honestly don’t mind your negative comments but I feel bad that you’re wasting your time pointing out how dumb I am when technically I’ve already done that for you. Just to clarify, I’m not *actually* confused about whether diet Dr. Pepper is diet. I’m also not really planning on taking over the government during the zombie apocalypse and I don’t think Jesus wants you to do cocaine. I wasn’t serious when I proposed cutting fingers off hobos so I can use my iphone more effectively and I don’t actually suspect the Pope is a cannibal (although it is possible). Also, balancing a cat on your forehead as a form of a facelift is probably not *that* practical and I don’t actually think all ethical questions can be answered with stabbing or arson. These are all things I’ve written about recently that are technically way more ridiculous than this post. Honestly, there is a huge smorgasbord of dumb crap on this blog that you can make fun of. You don’t have to limit yourself to just this one post. Also, for those of you who saying that this is my fault for confusing you because this post is not funny at all, I know that. That’s why there’s a warning right at the top of this post that says “No one thinks this is funny but me”. I’m not judging you though. Hell, I once spent an entire hour staring at a can of Dr. Pepper trying to decide if it was diet or not.