La vengeance se mange très-bien froide. Or as a Klingon might say, “revenge is a dish best served cold.”

I’m pretty sure that the administrators at Loyola Law School of Los Angeles didn’t think they were walking into a smackdown when they sent out an email to alumni asking them to update their employment statuses. But smacked they were, down on their heads, as one student’s epic, slightly rambling response to the innocent request just tore up the school for its behavior towards recent graduates.

And this comes from a student who seems to be doing well, despite the challenging economy. You want to know the best way to “get back” at your law school, if you so desire? Send them an email that says: “I am going to be very wealthy here, and I will not be giving a dime to Loyola.”

Time for the cold revenge of living well?

Really, the request from Loyola L.A. was pretty simple. They wanted a graduate from the class of 2009 to update his info on “Loyola Connect,” which looks like the school’s alumni database.

Instead, they got an earful that would have made “Loyola 2L” proud. In fact, let’s just go on and call this guy “Loyola 6L.” Here’s his email:

Here is my area of practice: I specialize in getting promised an abundance of legal jobs by Loyola Law School in 2006, and then graduating in 2009 and finding no such promised jobs. I specialize in working my ass off for my Loyola student body [Redacted] and helping hundreds of Loyola students complete their pro bono hour requirements from 2007 onwards, and then getting ignored by the administration when I want help finding a job. I know there are high powered faculty who knew me and could have snapped their fingers for me to place me anywhere, people who knew how hard I work and how smart I am, but the complacency of knowing that any complaining student will disappear within three years must have been at the forefront of their minds. I currently have Loyola law student externs working for my Business and Legal Department, receiving school units as part of the Entertainment and Sports Law practicum, at the job I found myself with no help whatsoever from LLS or anyone associated with it. What’s so funny is that my friends from any respectable law school (read: a law school that has self respect) brag about how friendly and helpful their Career Services department was, making them feel marketable, positioning their minds for success, whereas our Career Department tells us to look at Martindale Hubble and tells us to expect a nice $65K a year job for being an average Loyola student. Why is it that my education is equal to that of my friends at Columbia, Yale, NYU, but those schools seem to cherish their students more than Loyola does? Don’t you believe that if a parent beams about their children, that people will be positioned to look at that child in a better light? I had to open my own solo practice for a year and a half, suffer and struggle, building my own character, litigating my own cases, and then I closed my practice and found employment as the general counsel of a start up company. I am going to be very wealthy here and I will not be giving a dime to Loyola. In the last few years, Loyola has only asked me for money. Donate here, pay this, we need money for this, most of while I had no income. This is disgusting. Loyola graduates graduate with no discernible advantage in the marketplace, and with an average of $1,000 a month in loans, and your office has the audacity to ask us struggling graduates for money? The only people who helped me out were Professors [Redacted] people I consider my friends more than faculty [Redacted]. While they did not “hand me any jobs,” their compassion and kindness is something I never found in the upper faculty with whom I thought I was closer and their emotional support came at key moments. While I do not expect LLS to be monitoring the emotions of the newly graduated, it would be nice to get a letter from Dean Gold saying he knows a lot of us are struggling and that he actually cares for us to be practicing, more than us feeling like he’s happy we paid LLS $55K a year to be there and graduate with a shitty reputation and crippling debt. When I was serving the student body [Redacted] I made it clear to every Loyola student that they need to hold their heads up and hold themselves to the highest standards, because our school is not doing that for us and accepts complacency, and nobody else will if we don’t. My peers in my graduating class of 2009, and those in 2010 and 2011, are some of the most motivated and intelligent people I have ever met. All of these people I refer to went to Loyola and could work at top firms, but Loyolans are taught to accept mediocrity, and that only 10% of us can start out making $100K+ a year. I don’t care how disorganized of a rant this is. I represent MANY people of the class of 2009 who are furious at LLS and its administration, and most of those infuriated people only came to LLS to study, not to serve the school like I did. So in summary, I will not be updating my profile at this time as it will give Loyola far too much credit (as in, more than zero) for the results of my last two years of struggling as a new attorney.

BOOM. GOES. THE DYNAMITE.

For the TL:DR crowd, let me pull out some highlights and comment on them:

* “[T]he complacency of knowing that any complaining student will disappear within three years must have been at the forefront of their minds.” — Honestly, one of the great parts about the law school racket is that your disgruntled customers leave and never come back.

* “[W]hereas our Career Department tells us to look at Martindale Hubble and tells us to expect a nice $65K a year job for being an average Loyola student.” — Telling a kid to get on Martindale is CSO-employee-speak for “Eff You.”

* “In the last few years, Loyola has only asked me for money. Donate here, pay this, we need money for this, most of while I had no income. This is disgusting.” — Funny how schools find a hard time keeping up with grads when it comes time to report employment statistics, but when they want to ask for money, they know exactly where everybody is.

* “[I]t would be nice to get a letter from Dean Gold saying he knows a lot of us are struggling and that he actually cares for us to be practicing, more than us feeling like he’s happy we paid LLS $55K a year to be there and graduate with a shitty reputation and crippling debt.” — Don’t hold your breath for that letter, bro. Remember, Loyola L.A. got called out on the Colbert Report for their jobs record.

These thoughts by Loyola 6L are echoed by recent grads across the land.

But do the law schools care? Why should they? Prospective law students think they are so special that things will work out differently.