I’ve tried hard to convey to people how much it means to me to be addressed as ‘he’ but when people still get it wrong for the 60th or 70th time, it hurts

When I transitioned from female to male, I knew it would take time for the regular customers where I work to adjust. It’s a small town and many hadn’t met a trans person before. It’s been three years now, though, and while some very dear, cherished customers do use my preferred pronouns, it hurts and frustrates me that many don’t. After all, it’s not as new or strange as it once was.

I’ve tried hard to convey to people how much it means to me to be addressed as “he”, but when people get it wrong for the 60th or 70th time, it hurts. Some make a point to use a gendered pet name or turn to their husband and say loudly, “She’s a lovely girl, isn’t she?” When this happens three or four times in the space of 10 minutes, I want to shut down and walk away until I’m somewhere with no people, no pettiness, no meanness.

What I’m really thinking: the newlywed Read more

People get it wrong for various reasons. Some don’t care enough to be polite and respectful. Others get a kick out of reminding me that, in their eyes, I’m not a “real” man. In many ways, I’m lucky: my employer has been amazing and intervened to protect my rights. But I’m coming to realise that much of transphobia is so subtle, it makes retaliation look disproportionate.

I transitioned so that I would feel happy, comfortable and aligned in body and mind. I’ve been focusing so hard on expecting other people to learn, that I haven’t been learning lessons myself. The most important being that sometimes it’s best to stop listening to the voices of people who don’t care, or don’t get it. Because the people who truly see you will get it right, every time.

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