Obama’s speech to students results in many children now claiming: “Communism is the best!!”

September 8, 2009

Right wing’s irrational fears of Obama turning their kids into socialists realized

WASHINGTON D.C., – President Obama planned on giving the nation’s students a little pep talk on their first day of school today. However, news of the speech riled the feathers of many right wing pundits who viewed the speech as an effort by the President to indoctrinate the nation’s students into socialism. Some parents saw Obama’s speech as such a threat that they kept their children home today, and others requested their children be excluded from viewing the President’s speech. The outrage and protest amongst these parents was not enough to derail the speech, which went off without a hitch as the majority of the nation’s students viewed the President’s address.

The President’s speech focused on creating a responsibility amongst students for their own education, and did not contain anything in the way of proclaiming socialist or communist ideals. Despite the speech’s complete lack of political agenda, the immediate impact of the speech was nothing short of shocking, as now an overwhelming number of the nation’s students are self-proclaimed communists.

The results of the speech could be found in speaking with area school children immediately after the airing of the President’s speech. One area second grader, Timmy Goldstein exalted, “from each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needs.” Another area first grader Stacy Davidson stated, ” we the proletariat, will be victorious in overthrowing the bourgeoisie.” Comments like these have become commonplace in schools throughout the nation. One area school even reported that a kindergarten class turned to violent protest over their right to use only red colored crayons for a coloring assignment in which they were asked to color an ocean scene.

Such statements and behavior have left everyone from school teachers and principals, to administration members scratching their heads in disbelief. One area vice-principal said, “I have no idea how these kids have grasped such a complicated idea like communism from just viewing Obama’s speech,” and added “especially since many of them couldn’t even recite the alphabet earlier this morning.” Parents are equally dumbfounded, as one area parent told Unreasonably Safe Observer – “I don’t know how the President’s speech resulted in my kid telling me he is ‘refusing to be enslaved by the capitalistic shackles of his allowance’ and will not do his house chores until we conform to his communistic ideals.” Obama could not be reached for a comment, but is expected to hold a press conference later on today to address the members of his newly formed kids-for-communism party.

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