The Tea Party is famous for having terrible ideas, but faking a gay sex scandal has to be a new low.

Secret audio recordings obtained by the Detroit News reveal that Rep. Todd Courser (R), a tea party lawmaker in Michigan, asked an aide to to send an anonymous email to GOP influencers alleging the Courser was seen having sex with a male prostitute behind a Lansing nightclub.

But why would a family values Republican want such a nasty rumor spread about him? Why, to cover up the less-scandalous fact that he’s been having a heterosexual affair with Rep. Cindy Gamrat (R), a married tea party state lawmaker.

It would have worked perfectly (but really though, would it have?) had Ben Graham, Courser’s aide at the time, not recorded the whole thing. Graham refused to send the email, and was promptly fired. (Side note: Gamrat also fired her aide who was unwilling to assist in the coverup.)

In the recordings, Courser was heard asking Graham to send the email and get “nasty about it” by saying the lawmaker was addicted to porn and was a “sexual deviant.”

After getting past those false allegations, anything else would be mild by comparison. Right? Right?! This needs to work. Oh God please let this work.

The two lawmakers are married with children, and have worked in tandem to actively block same-sex marriage even after the Supreme Court’s June decision. Because Jesus. And freedom.

We look forward to this becoming a sub-plot on the next season of Veep.