Ladies and germs, welcome to this special edition of our Open Mic Night, this week coming to you from the corner of Liz’s Basement!

<smattering of applause intermingled with chatter and the clinking of glasses >

For our first act, coming all the way from… here… we have Liz, who’ll be playing a few of your favourite hits by Alanis Morissette and Jewel! Seems like she’s a bit shy, so let’s welcome her on to the stage!

Whoo, talk about some feminist angst there. Ok, next up, we have… uh… Liz! Keeping the “lass” in “classical”, she’ll be performing some Vivaldi for us tonight. Yikes.

Yowzer. Ok, that’s enough of that. Following that bag of cats, we have… oh god… Liz, and her Flute. Looks like she’ll be regaling us with… the flute parts from Peter and The Wolf… Let’s hope this is short – it’s all getting a bit high brow for me right now.

Well that was blissfully short. Ok, enough of this – Our next act is Liz, who’ll be doing some free-form comedy – which is a bold move for a music-themed open-mic night, but you do you, Liz.

Oof – steer clear of the racial epithets there, lady. Alrighty, let’s try and salvage tonight with our next act, Liz, who’ll be playing a selection of 60s Ukulele hits… Seriously, where are we getting these people?

Welp. I’ll never listen to In a Gadda Da Vida again. Moving on, we have… Liz, who, it says here, is a one-woman Louis Armstrong Tribute Band. Interesting.

Huh. Well ok, I guess tonight is turning around! Alrighty, well… We have one more act, so I hope it’s a good one! Our final act is Liz, who’ll be performing some… oh hell yes, Guns N Roses hits! AMAZING!!!11

YESS WHAT AN ACT!

Alright folks, on that note, let’s kick you outta here with some good memories.

Thank you, and good night!