Posted on by bobcargill (@xkv8r)

The following is the full text of my 2014 Commencement speech to the graduates of the University of Iowa (Twitter: @uiowa) College of Liberal Arts and Sciences (Twitter: @UIowaCLAS) at the 1:00pm ceremony on May 17, 2014 in Carver Hawkeye Arena.

Here is just my speech:



Here is the full commencement ceremony:



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Preparing for my @uiowa graduation speech. I'll be live-tweeting the speech here at about 1:00pm Central. — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

Faculty Speech to the @uiowa @UIowaCLAS Graduating Class of 2014 #UIGrad2014 — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

Vice President Rocklin,

Dean Djalali,

Members of the Platform Party,

All 10,000 Statues of Herky scattered throughout Iowa City

Families, Friends, Alumni,

and most importantly,

graduates of the University of Iowa Class of 2014.

I am honored to have been invited to give the faculty address, but I only have a few minutes to speak. And since most faculty speeches say the same thing, that is, “Congratulations”, “We’re proud of you”, “Good luck”, etc., I thought I’d use my time instead to give you something a bit more memorable.

Not only is this graduation ceremony being streamed live, but because my speech has to be so short, and because I’m also a professor working in the digital humanities, I’m going to be live tweeting my speech as I speak.

And I’ll be using the hashtag #UIGrad2014.

And I’m going to start with some pictures, but I need your help. I need you to take some pictures with me. And then you can tweet your photos using the hashtag #UIGrad2014 while the other students’ names are being read.

And you can re-tweet this speech and my photos available at my Twitter account: Robert Cargill, which is @XKV8R, that’s at X-K-V-8-R, as well.

So listen to the speeches, and then re-tweet during the reading of the names. Got It?

OK. Let’s start out with the ultimate “Class of 2014” graduation picture. Parents and friends up in the stands, you can play along too. We’ll all take pictures together.

Ready? What’s that? No, I will not take a picture with your camera.

OK, ready? Please, please…do not flash the graduation speaker.

OK, ready? One, two, three.

#UIGrad2014

OK. Now here’s a picture you can’t get. Here’s a picture of the platform party.

#UIGrad2014Platform Party #NotAnACTUALParty

OK, and now for the speech.

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Greetings University of Iowa “Class of 2014”. # Greatest Iowa Graduating Class EVER!

Congratulations! You guys did it! # Some Of You After 5 Years

Congratulations! You guys did it! #SomeOfYouAfter5Years — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

Soon, you will be University of Iowa graduates and will either enter the workforce, or graduate school. # Either Way You Will Be Underpaid

Soon, you will be @uiowa graduates and will either enter the workforce, or graduate school. #EitherWayYouWillBeUnderpaid — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

And what’s even better, you will soon be receiving phone calls from the Alumni Association. # Send Money

And what’s even better, you will soon be receiving phone calls from the @uIowaAlumni. #Send Money — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

Your time at the University of Iowa has been and will forever be remembered as one of the greatest periods of your life

Your time at @iowa has been and will forever be remembered as one of the greatest periods of your life, — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

when life was fun! # In Relatively Good Shape # Relatively Thin # Weren’t Bald

[Takes off cap and bows.]

I speak from experience.

In fact, you will soon catch yourselves saying thing like,

“College life was so good“.

I speak from experience. In fact, you will soon catch yourselves saying thing like, “College life was so good.” — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

“Iowa was awesome.” # Often While Sitting At Your Desk At Work # Or Changing Diapers # Of Twins (True story!)

But I want to give you a quick heads up about what to expect from this day forward.

But I want to give you a quick heads up about what to expect from this day forward. — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

Because you will also remember your time at the University of Iowa as one of the most transformative periods in your life.

Because you will also remember your time at @uiowa as one of the most transformative periods in your life. — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

And you will quickly learn that these changes do not stop once you graduate. They actually come faster. # And Become More Expensive

And you will quickly learn that these changes do not stop once you graduate. They actually come faster. #AndBecomeMoreExpensive — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

Just ask the people sitting up here.

But your personal transformation as a Hawkeye doesn’t end today.

But your personal transformation as a Hawkeye doesn’t end today. — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

In fact, in many ways, life as a Hawkeye really begins today.

In fact, in many ways, life as a Hawkeye really begins today. — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

And for some of you, that life will be spectacular.

And for some of you, that life will be spectacular. — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

You will have tremendous success, you will be happy, and will make lots of money. # The Alumni Association will Definitely Be Calling You.

You will have tremendous success, you will be happy, and will make lots of money. @uIowaAlumni #WillDefinitelyBeCallingYou — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

And be proud! The University of Iowa has prepared you for that success.

And BE PROUD! The @uiowa has prepared you for that success. — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

But for some of you, life will be very difficult. You will face challenges.

But for some of you, life will be very difficult. You will face challenges. — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

You will lose jobs. Relationships will be strained. Money will be tight.

You will lose jobs. Relationships will be strained. Money will be tight. — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

But believe it or not, the University of Iowa has prepared you for this as well.

But believe it or not, the @uiowa has prepared you for this as well. — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

Because we the faculty, and your college experience at Iowa didn’t just teach you about math and science,

Because we the faculty, and your college experience at Iowa didn’t just teach you about math and science, — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

and most importantly, classics and archaeology # Shameless Plug

and most importantly, classics and archaeology, #ShamelessPlug — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

But your University of Iowa college experience has prepared you to think on your feet, embrace life,

but your @uiowa college experience has prepared you to think on your feet, embrace life, — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

and yes, deal with disappointments, and deadlines, and challenges.

and yes, deal with disappointments, and deadlines, and challenges. — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

And this is when you must, you must, learn to rely on each other, your University of Iowa network

And this is when you must, you MUST, learn to rely on each other, your @uiowa network, — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

because from this day on, you are all Hawkeye Alumni. AND HAWKEYES ALWAYS, ALWAYS STICK TOGETHER! # And Are Very Nice About It

because from this day on, you are all Hawkeye Alumni. AND HAWKEYES ALWAYS, ALWAYS STICK TOGETHER! #AndAreVeryNiceAboutIt — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

And part of being a member of the University of Iowa family means looking out for one another and helping each other out wherever life takes you.

And part of being a member of the @uiowa family means looking out for one another and helping each other out wherever life takes you. — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

Because you will meet Iowa alumni everywhere you go.

Because you will meet Iowa alumni everywhere you go. — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

I remember the day I was hired to teach here at Iowa.

I remember the day I was hired to teach here at Iowa. — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

I was still living in California, and I had bought a University of Iowa sweatshirt when I had interviewed here for the job.

I was still living in California, and I had bought a @uiowa sweatshirt when I had interviewed here for the job. — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

So the day I was hired, I put on my sweatshirt, and, I kid you not, I went hiking out in Yosemite National Park, at 7000 feet,

So the day I was hired, I put on my @uiowa sweatshirt, and I kid you not, I went hiking out in @YosemiteNPS at 7000 feet, — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

and was proudly wearing my new Iowa sweatshirt, when some random hiker passes me and yells, “GO HAWKS!”

and was proudly wearing my new @uiowa sweatshirt, when some random hiker passes me and yells, “GO HAWKS!” — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

And I didn’t KNOW the proper response yet! I had just been hired and I didn’t KNOW to say, “GO HAWKS”, back in response, or “ON IOWA”!

And I didn’t know the proper response yet! I had just been hired and I didn’t know to say, “GO HAWKS”, back in response, or “ON IOWA”, — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

So…I hesitated, and was caught off guard and said something like, “Uh…Soarin’ High”.

so…I hesitated, and was caught off guard and said something like, “Uh…Soarin’ high”! — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

I didn’t know whether I was supposed to screech like a hawk # Makes Poorly Executed Sound of Hawk

I didn’t know whether I was supposed to screech like a Hawk. #PoorlyExecutedSoundOfHawk — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

I had no clue! I didn’t know what to say, # Not What A Hawk Actually Sounds Like

I had no clue! I didn’t know what to say, #NotWhatAHawkActuallySoundsLike — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

but I’ll be damned if there wasn’t an Iowa Hawkeye alum hiking at 7000 feet in the middle of Yosemite National Park screaming “GO HAWKS!”

but I’ll be damned if there wasn’t an @uiowa Hawkeye alum hiking at 7000 feet in the middle of @YosemiteNPS screaming “GO HAWKS!” — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

By the way, # Cargill Did NOT Just Tell Iowa Graduating Class Of 2014 To “SOAR HIGH”. I just want to get that cleared up.

By the way, #CargillDidNOTJustTellIowaGraduatingClassOf2014ToSOARHIGH. I just want to get that cleared up. — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

But now I know what it means to be a Hawkeye.

But now I know what it means to be a Hawkeye. — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

And I also know that your degree from the University of Iowa will prove to be one of the best investments you will have ever made.

And I also know that your degree from the @uiowa will prove to be one of the best investments you will have ever made. — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

In fact, you will never spend money that pays off as much as the money you spent going to the University of Iowa.

In fact, you will never spend money that pays off as much as the money you spent going to the @uiowa. — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

Actually, let me say that again: For some, YOUR PARENTS will never spend money that pays off as much,

Actually, let me say that again: For some, YOUR PARENTS will never spend money that pays off as much, — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

as the money THEY spent putting YOU through the University of Iowa. # Some For five Years

as the money THEY spent putting YOU through the @uiowa. #SomeFor5Years — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

So be proud! You ARE the University of Iowa.

So be proud! You ARE the University of Iowa. — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

And if you can handle six-month winters covered in snow, # The Planet Hoth, then you can handle anything!

And if you can handle 6-month winters covered in snow, #ThePlanetHoth, then you can handle anything! — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

So take it from a highly educated man wearing a beret and a blue dress. # Fashion PhDiva

So take it from a highly educated man wearing a beret and a blue dress. #FashionPhDiva — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

Do me three favors today:

Do me three favors today: — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

First, say thank you to your parents or grandparents or whomever put your through college.

First, say thank you to your parents or grandparents or whomever put your through college. — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

In fact, give them a hand right now. # See Mom, I Love You. Please Send More Money

In fact, give them a hand right now. #SeeMomILoveYouPleaseSendMoreMoney — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

Second, find a faculty member after the ceremony and say, “Thank you.” Maybe send them an email. # Or Endow Their Chair

Second, find a faculty member after the ceremony and say, “Thank you.” Maybe send them an email. #OrEndowTheirChair — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

And finally, find a student you don’t know, or never really talked to, and say, “Hi”, and give them a hug. # Guys, This Is Your Last Chance. # I’m Trying To Help.

& finally, find a student you don’t know or never really talked to & say, “Hi”, & give them a hug. #GuysThisIsYourLastChance #ImTryingToHelp — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

Because you never know when that fellow Hawkeye graduate is going to bail you out. # Of Prison

Because you never know when that fellow Hawkeye graduate is going to bail you out. #OfPrison — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

So…graduates of the University of Iowa Class of 2014,

on behalf of the faculty of the University of Iowa, # Professional Nerds, CONGRATULATIONS on your graduation!

On behalf of the faculty of the @uiowa #ProfessionalNerds, CONGRATULATIONS on your graduation! — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

We are very proud of your accomplishment,

We are very proud of your accomplishment, — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

because not long ago, we too were graduating just like you. # Except We Are Not Moving Back Into Your Parents’ Basement For The Summer

because not long ago, we too were graduating just like you. #ExceptWeAreNotMovingBackIntoYourParentsBasementForTheSummer — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

And you are always welcome to come back to campus and visit us. # Preferably Sometime BEFORE You Ask Us For A Letter Of Recommendation

And you are always welcome to come back to campus and visit us. #PreferablySometimeBEFOREYouAskUsForALetterOfRecommendation — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

To Leah DeGrazia and Andrew Deloucas, and to all my students graduating today, I love you. Congratulations and good luck!

To Leah DeGrazia and Andrew Deloucas, and to all my students graduating today, I love you. Congratulations and good luck! — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

Thank you all again. Be safe and have fun tonight! #GO HAWKS

Thank you all again. Be safe and have fun tonight! #GOHAWKS — Dr. Robert R Cargill (@xkv8r) May 17, 2014

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Some other pictures I took from the platform:

Tassel turning ceremony

Pic with University of Iowa Board of Regents student representative Hannah Walsh

And a member of the audience captured the second half of the speech. Thank you!

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For more images and tweets from the 2014 University of Iowa commencement ceremony, visit the hashtags #UIGrad2014 and #UIGrad14.

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I also want to acknowledge my inspiration behind this speech by thanking Ellen DeGeneres for her Oscar antics that inspired the Twitter pics of the graduates, to Stephen Colbert‘s “The Wørd” segments and Kevin Nealon‘s SNL “Mr. Subliminal” sketches for inspiring the idea behind the hashtag punchlines, and to Conan O’Brien for making graduation speeches fun. And many thanks to Cale Staley for his work behind the scenes. Thanks to all of you!

Filed under: congratulations, digital humanities, robert cargill, University of Iowa | Tagged: Andrew Deloucas, Class of 2014, commencement, conan o'brien, Dean Chaden Djalali, Ellen DeGeneres, Fashion PhDiva, Go Hawks!, graduation, Hannah Walsh, hashtag, Herky on Parade, iowa nice, Katie Lazzara, Leah DeGrazia, On Iowa!, social media, speech, stephen colbert, twitter, UI Grad14, UIGrad14, UIGrad2014, Vice President Tom Rocklin, Yosemite National Park |