My Acid Trip, Arrest, and Ego Death at CRSSD Fest this Last weekend.

CH 1 TRIPPY INTRO

Ok so I am going to fast forward the beginning of the acid trip story a little ahead to when we were watching Skream play. When I was half an hour into the 1st tab. This is just for defensive purposes cuz I still have to go to court on April 21. Also I am not going to use any names besides the guys names that were already in jail since I don’t really know any of their information and I might never see them again.

Everyone was having the time of their lives. I kept losing people and finding different friends. I don’t really recall any names. I know I saw some people that had taken the same stuff I took about an hour or two earlier. I don’t remember their names either. They were in another world and enjoying it. This got me even more pumped up because I was already having a great time. Skream was killing it on the City Steps stage. Everyone’s booties were percolating. Then the acid started hitting me harder. I’d be looking at Skream then I’d lose focus and start looking at the beautiful San Diego skyline in the background. All the tall buildings were waving back and forth in harmony with the music. It looked as if the buildings were dancing along to the house music. I would be mesmerized by how it looked then skream would drop the beat again and I’d snap out of the trance and continue dancing. I also remember staring out into the harbor and looking at the ships and the sunset. It was a cloudy day but when the clouds would clear out a little, the sky would look sherbert orange and hot pink colors. I remember joking around with some guys telling them I was feeling like Brendan Fraser in Bedazzled when he looked at the sunset and started crying haha. I was on my double rainbow flow at that time. I kept telling people that we live in paradise. Which we do. America’s Finest City baby.

Then we all started migrating towards The Ocean View Live Stage where Ryan Hemsworth was playing. Oh man Ryan was outstanding. I really liked him. Hold on I’m gonna put on a set of his right now while I’m writing this.

I just put on Ryan Hemsworth’s COOL DJ MIX from soundcloud. At this point I remember losing people again. They might have gone to the bathroom. But I was kicking it in the grassy area and grooving to the music. Ryan puts out those chill hip hop vibes. That shit was soothing. I am now a fan. So around this time it started getting dark. From the east to the west; the orange and yellow skies began to turn dark blue and purple. I remember rolling deep with a big group through the crowd as we all tried to move closer towards the stage. As we got closer to the stage, the music got better and better. I began to feel the bass vibrate me and flow through my body. It’s moments like these that I live for. When Music and I become one. It sounds corny as fuck huh. But that shit is real. I kept telling everyone that this is what I been waiting for and what I paid for. It’s a pure joy. I’ve had this feeling very few times in my life. But every time I do, it makes me sad that I cant cherish it more cuz I’m usually too fucked up and lost in it. Or I end up fucking it up like I did this day.

Ryan Hemsworth delivered a real mellow hip hop set that let’s say someone on cocaine or alcohol or who doesn’t appreciate hip hop would think is kind of boring. I personally thought he was incredible. Unfortunately, I think my trip started taking a turn for the worse when Ryan started playing that new Kanye album. The track was “Feedback,” from his newest album. You already know I was all up on that! I was like “y’all heard about the good news? Y’all sleeping on me, huh? Had a good snooze? Wake up, nigga, wake up! We bout to get this paper!” At this point my Yeezus vibe had been turned on. For those of you that know me, you know how much I love my yeezy. I stand by him regardless of all the dumb shit he always does. Sometimes my nigga gonna act a fool shit. Just like all my close friends and especially me. We’ve all been on a good one and done some dumb shit. That doesn’t mean I’m gonna start hating them forever. So I’m over here thinking I’m spreading the good news above all these yeezy haters. But at the same time my mindstate was, “I aint tryin to save nobody either. I’m just gonna keep doing me.” Stuck up with my head up high as if I was better.

Now Gesaffelstein was about to start in 15 minutes, I was still tripping real nicely on the first tab, but my dumbass decided to take a second. It should have been a clear red flag not to take a second one when I saw someone else who had taken 2. This person looked straight retarded the whole time and was standoffish towards people. I should have taken that as a sign to not take another. But I thought I could handle it and Gesaffelstein was the main person I wanted to see so I said fuck it and took numero dos.

CH 2 DOUBLE TAB TRIP

Gesaffelstein begins playing. He was mind blowingly good. The scenery was perfect. The stage is positioned close enough facing the airport so you can see the planes arriving in San Diego. For a second I pictured someone in the airplane visiting from somewhere cold where it is snowing around this time; looking down at CRSSD and thinking, “is this really San Diego?” Yes. This is really San Diego. Welcome friend. It’s rainy but trust me it’s much warmer in my city. My city. San Diego being my city became a theme in my head. So

now I was in a Kanye state of mind with a thick layer of San Diego Pride.

Meanwhile Gesaffelstein is still putting on an amazing show. I remember snapping back into the music and looking at how dope the stage looked. I kept looking at the lights on the top and seeing that each individual light had a letter on it that spelled “CRSSD.” I think I asked some people about that multiple times and they were getting annoyed by me repeating myself. Then it started misting and raining a little. This was the most breathtaking visual of the whole experience. Facing the stage in my peripherals were waves of people on the left with the San Diego harbor on the far left. On the right I had more waves of people with San Diego mission hills/little italy on the far right with Airplanes arriving in the airport right behind the stage. Gesaffelstein’s stagelights made the rain extra bright, and I could literally see the sound waves from the bass vibrations flowing through the rain and hitting me. I could see the sound waves in the air and the water vibrating in the air in unison with Gesaffelstein’s set. I remember asking someone next to me if they could see the same thing and they could. This made me happy to know that we were all experiencing the same visuals. But at the same time we were really close to the stage, and it was really crowded. I started getting annoyed by people bumping into me or talking to me. I had a friend who didn’t do any drugs in my ear fucking with me doing weird things to trip me out for his own amusement. By this time the acid was flowing through my veins the hardest. I began to have revelations and a major ego trip.

The revelation experience I went through I still believe. I’m not going to write about it. I feel like this revelation was just meant for me. It wasn’t anything bad, but I’d like to keep that to myself to meditate on for the moment and reflect on in the future. It was the purest experience I’ve ever had, all the while Gesaffelstein was still performing one of the best sets I’ve ever seen and heard. My man was so good that I started having visions and revelations. God I love Gesaff. But the location we were at was still too crowded and I was getting the wrong vibes from certain people surrounding me. It started annoying me more and more to the point where I had to leave and be by myself. Actually I didn’t want to be by myself, but I wanted to talk to my best friend who wasn’t there. He was the only person I wanted to share the revelation with. Ive known dude since 1st grade we’ve been BFF’s our whole lives and have had the same trips with the same drugs growing up. We’re heterosexual soulmates haha. Just like Jay and Silent Bob. So I gave him a call but he didn’t answer.

CH 3 EGO TRIP

At this point I was peaking on my acid trip. It is nothing like I have ever felt before. I felt invincible. You know those dumb weed commercials where the kid feels he’s so high that he can do anything? That is exactly how I felt. I could see an aura glowing around me. It was like an orange-ish color. I could see it and feel it. Like I would wave my hands through the orange aura and it would leave traces behind then fill up in orange again. Just like how Jesus would have that Holy aura around him in pictures. I thought I had become the epitome of vibing. As I walked through the festival I remembered that this was still San Diego. I looked at the people dancing cheerfully on the City Step water fountains. I was overwhelmed by the charm of how carefree everyone looked at this point. You could see balls of smoke blow out into the sky in every direction and the event was supposed to be non-smoking anywhere. I was walking and dancing to the steady deep house beat and everyone I saw walking in the opposite direction would look at me and smile. CRSSD fest was vibing simultaneously and harder than ever. I could see the glamour behind every person I saw. I could see and feel their vibes. Gesaffelstein was still playing but was almost done. I remember hearing him play “Hellifornia” and running back closer to the stage to hear it. That beat is gangster as fuck. I wrote a song to that beat about a year ago called “Tellafornia.” I start rapping it next to some people listening to gesaff. I think they thought I was freestyling cuz they started going crazy after I finished a verse. This just made my ego grow even bigger.

After hearing Hellifornia, Gesaff had me feeling like I was some sort of vibe god. I kept trying to explain the definition of vibing to random people I didn’t know. I still feel like I was truly vibing but I might have just been vibing too aggressively as I think back. I remember seeing some familiar faces too. I began trying to talk to them about family bonding and further explain the vibe theory I was experiencing. In my head I was making sense but looking back at it now I probably sounded like an idiot. Let me see if I can redefine it the way I saw it in my head at the time:

· Vibing = Being connected through music in a state of elation and happieness. Everyone being associated and feeling good through the same steady beat. Even if you didn’t know them or had never met one another, you were vibing to the same thing that you both love so you’re connected regardless of knowing each other. You were already linked with another individual before you even met.

I thought I had figured out some huge secret. Which obviously wasn’t the case since people been vibing with each other since before I was even born. But keep in mind that I am still tripping hard and I thought I can make anything happen. After all I am in my city right? I’m in my home. I feel invincible. I feel connected to everyone. I feel surrounded by beauty. I remember talking with this cute girl for a while and explaining to her what vibing meant. I went up to this scary looking cat and showed her how happy he was. I gave him a hug and I felt his energy. I tried to explain that anywhere else we wouldn’t even look at each other, I look scary and he looks scary so we wouldn’t fuck with each other at all after a first glance. But since we were all vibing, I could go up to any random stranger and give them a hug since we were all in the same happy vibe. I was so enlightened by this vibe, that I wanted to share it with everyone. In this instant, my ego was almost peaking. I went all the way to the front of the City Steps Stage where Cirez D was performing. From what I remember he was also sensational, but in my eyes this wasn’t Cirez D time no mo. In my distorted mind, I’m in my city, this is my stage set for me in my city, the people in this crowd didn’t pay good money to see their favorite DJ finish the festival. These people wanted to see Mac DiRRty spit some real acid raps.

I tell the security at the front that I am trying to get up on the stage because I have to perform. The security was this black dude who seemed like a chill guy. He laughed at me and told me that I can’t get up on the stage. I tried explaining to him my whole vibe theory and then I start getting loud about San Diego being my city. In my head I was being passionate and dauntless about my city. But to everyone else, I was this crazy beaner tripping out and threatening people to let him perform. I vaguely remembered seeing a couple of other friends, who I am sure were trying to tell me to calm down, but I had gone too far by now. I was trying to prove my point that I can make anything happen. I honestly believed that security was going to end up escorting me to the stage, get Cirez D off and put my shit on. Then I was going to bless everyone with the best performance they had ever seen. Boy was I horribly wrong.

CH 4 MY CRUCIFIXION

During this time I’m sure multiple security had been alerted. This part is the most hazy for me. According to a source, I was screaming at people that I needed to charge my phone and that I was going to perform. In my head, someone was going to magically offer a charger for my phone and I was going to waltz on up to the stage. Wrong. By this time the Sheriffs showed up and when I resisted they ended up tackling me down. Then I was taken away from the festival. So once again, remember that I’m at my acid trip peak thinking I’m still a vibe god. I was roughed up a bit by enforcement because I had a gash on my head and bruises all around me the next day. My jaw still kinda hurts right now so I might have been chin checked too. Then I remember being surrounded by about 5 or 6 sheriffs while they’re interrogating me but I’m sure that nothing I said was making sense. At this point I still felt invincible, but I was still in handcuffs. I look down at my feet, and even my feet were in handcuffs. Footcuffs I guess. So I start losing my patience for having to deal with the police. After all, the crowd was still waiting for me to perform and these assholes were delaying my performance. I most likely got loud with police again because I vividly remember getting yelled at by security to turn around and they nearly broke my wrists from bending them so hard. I remember yelling at them that it really hurt; confused as to why they were even hurting me. I was saying something along the lines of “What did I ever do to you, why are you treating me like this.” I was shoved down to the floor and ate shit since my hands and feet were cuffed. Then they yelled at me to get up and I couldn’t get up since I was in chains, so they lifted me up by the handcuffs and threw me in the police van.

For this split second, I didn’t just feel like a vibe god, I felt like the vibe Jesus. Like an actual Vibe saint. A vibe martyr. I was beaten up for no reason and getting crucified for being Vibe Jesus. While I was in the back of the police van in cuffs I remember screaming at the cops that were driving. I was still yelling at them to drive me to the stage because I needed to perform. I remember one of them yelling at me to shut the fuck up. Then the other one joking around saying that we were on the way to the stage. I felt like the joker from batman at this point because I kept screaming at them that I was going to be late through the small holes in the screen window like, “Hellooooo this is my city, my people are waiting for me! Take me to my fucking stage!” God please forgive these non-believers for they not know what fire I am capable of breathing out.

Meanwhile in my head, I’m having visions of me being the new Jesus. Even in the van, I could still hear the steady deep house beat in the background, so I knew I was still close. I thought I was still going to perform. I recall that I was trying to fathom how big of a responsibility it was going to be to become the new modern Jesus. Below is the vision I saw happen in my head:

· I still felt that orange aura around me even though I was laid out in the back of a cop van with my hands and feet cuffed up. I then saw the cuffs magically come off me. I felt like I could mind control the police and they began to listen to me and drive me back to the stage. They were going to find someone to charge my phone while I went up on stage to perform. Everyone in front of the stage had seen the police take me down, and now they were going to be astonished when they see me come back and start performing. In my head this was already headline news that there was a new Jesus walking around San Diego and being mistreated. So there were already news people from all around the world trying to get the scoop. I was almost sure that my mom and BFF had already been notified that I was the new Jesus. I was going to call them a call once my phone was charged so they could see the kid shining one time. Rapping to the crowd while everyone went nuts. Dipped in butter. U know like a ballin ass savior. I knew there was a reason why my initials were J.C. I honestly thought they were going to be the most proud of me. My homie was going to fly in from LA and we were going to keep after partying after I performed and it was going to be the best day of our lives.

Incorrect. The music started slowly fading away. Then I realized that the police didn’t want to see a young brown Jesus shining. The police were going to make sure that didn’t happen. In my head I still believed that there was crazy news media surrounding the festival trying to know the details of the new Jesus that appeared in the front of Cirez D stage that the police took away. I thought the government had been notified about me and were going to get rid of me to avoid any new uprising of any new religion. I thought they were going to kill me.

Damn I had really fucked up. I caused too big of a scene and I was taken underground to a garage bassment where I was almost sure they were going to kill me. All I could think about was that I was never going to see my mom or my friends again. I kept telling the police to please let my mom know that I love her and I was sorry. I was begging them to return my grandma’s gold chain that I was wearing to her. It was my grandma’s most prized possession and I had begun wearing it recently in honor of her. I couldn’t bear thinking about the insult to injury my mom would have suffered knowing that her son was killed and her mom’s gold chain was lost as well. I’m not going to lie I was crying pretty hard at this moment. The cops kept trying to calm me down telling me nobody was going to kill me. They made me take my mug shots and all I could think about is how ugly my mustache must look right now. I was trying to fix it a little bit even though I was completely chained down at this point. I remember walking with my untied shoes and my leg chains and mentioning to the officer how the leg chains were a bit over dramatic. I must have been trying to run away earlier but I don’t really remember trying to run away. I also let the officers know that the handcuffs were hurting really bad since they put them on ridiculously tight and at this point I was being handled by a Filipino cop who was a lot nicer and helped me out.

They take me this tall white officer who does a final search on me. At this point they had already searched me like 3 times. This guy was like 4 inches taller than me and more bulky. He had gloves on him but thank God I didn’t get cavity searched. That would not have been fun at all. Or maybe I did get cavity searched and blocked that memory out. Who knows, even if I did I wouldn’t tell you guys. This officer starts asking me if I have any weapons or any other drugs on me. I say no. He searches and finds the last acid gel that I had in my small pocket. He shows it around to his other police buddies and then he starts asking me questions about it. He seemed fascinated by it.

The questions he was asking made it sound like he was really interested in knowing more about it. He was a big guy but he was also kind of a square. I remember he asked, “wow just one of those little things made you go through what you went through today?” I said, “yea,” and then he kept asking “so how did it first start making you feel, were you having a good time at first?” I kind of wanted to answer his questions, but then I remembered that he was a cop, and then I said, “I’m sorry I don’t really remember. I don’t usually do drugs.” He kind of got the gist that nobody wants to be confessing things to the police. Then he helped me sit down and they finally removed the leg cuffs too. This guy was kind of a goofball. He looked like he was around 25–28 years old. I remember him making a comment about how they were wearing tan uniforms and they weren’t assholes like the boys in blue out there. I took a look at his partner who was behind the computer and he was just rolling his eyes at all the comments goof cop was making. Then once they cleared me they took me into my own private cell to cool off and let the acid wear off.

CH 5 EGO DEATH

Finally I had time to reflect by myself. This is when the ego death hit me. My mind started clearing out and I slowly started coming back to my normal senses. Life then hit me with a big reality check and said, “Hey moron, you are not Jesus you fucking imbecile. You were tripping on acid and you thought you can do anything you wanted so you went and got your stupid ass arrested. They caught you with drugs and now you’re going to have a criminal record for the rest of your life.” Fuck. I really fucked up bad this time didn’t I? Even though I’m regaining my consciousness, I am still not fully comprehensive. The cops would walk by and try to gauge me to see if I was going to comply with putting down my fingerprints. These were new officers that seemed mellow as well. The first time they talked to me I didn’t really follow what they were saying, so they made me put my hands through the small window and they took off my handcuffs and let me chill in the 1 man cell by myself for another while. They also cut off my green CRSSD fest wristband. Those bastards. They actually apologized about having to do it. I felt like they were sympathizing with me a little at this time. The other cops probably told them how I was crying earlier about my mom like a little bitch. I don’t usually cry, but when I do, my crying game is very passionate haha. I learned it from my Uncle Benny R.I.P.

I began trying to sober myself up. Slapping my face and throwing water on on my face. I remember freaking out for a second because they had my phone. I was like FUCK I don’t have a passcode and they’re going to be able to look through all my texts and all my pictures. Then I remembered that my phone was dead when they caught me THANK GOD. I also remember they told me they were going to contact my mom while I was tripping. FUUUUCK EVEN WORSE. Then I remembered there’s no way they can have my mom’s number. They could probably find it if they really needed it, but then I started to reason it out more and figured they weren’t going to call my mom. I was just being paranoid and dumb. The officers came by a second time and I was trying to act as sober as I could but they still didn’t believe it from me so they threw a bag of food at me and left me in there a while longer. The bag contained 2 cookies, loaves of bread, baloney, cheese, and a packet of mayo. I ate a cookie but I wasn’t hungry at all. More than anything I was disappointed and disgusted in myself for losing control. I let the acid get the best of me and I turned the best time of my life into the worst time of my life. All because of my ego getting too big.

Finally the officer came by a third time. This time I did my best to look as sober as possible. They made me walk the red line leading to the finger print scanners and I complied with everything they asked me to do. While the officer was taking my fingerprints, he starts asking me about the acid as well. He seemed just as curious as the first officer. But at this time I was so upset with myself that I couldn’t say anything else besides, “It was really bad. I’m never going to do it again.” He starts sympathizing with me too and mentioning how it seems like a fun drug to do at first but he has seen people do a lot of crazy things on it and it’s just not worth it. I agree with him and we small talk about a few other things like how crappy and old the computers they use to fingerprint scan are. Then he sent me to the community holding cell where everyone is temporarily held.

CH 6 JAIL

When I walked in this cell there were only 2 other people. There was this one cholo in sports gear who looked tweaked out and kept pacing back and forth. Then there was another Asian cat who was dressed casually with his eyes closed. We were all wearing purple bracelets that had our names and faces on them. There were 3 payphones in this cell with instructions on how to make a call. It was a bit complicated there were collect numbers you had to dial first then a couple other steps written on the wall. I didn’t even bother. I was still semi-tripping plus the only number that I know by heart is my mom’s number and that was the last person I wanted knowing about me being in jail. So I decided I’d just take the L by myself and pay the consequences of my own actions. Meanwhile the tweaker cholo is still pacing. He looked really frustrated. He would try dialing out, then he would slam the phone, then he would look up at the camera in the corner and make different gestures. First he would make begging gestures, then he would make angry gestures punching his fist into his other hand. The officer who took my fingerprints walked by and opened the door to check up on us. He said, “Sanchez are you ok?” I gave him a nod. Then he asked the cholo if he was ok, and the cholo flipped him off. The officer goes, “What was that all about? Come here.” The cholo refused and the officer said ok and slammed the door. He returned about 5 minutes later with backup and took the cholo to a different room. I don’t really know what happened in the other room, but you would hear a lot of screams and cussing in different rooms, with officers yelling as well. I don’t know if it was this same guy or other poeple, but I never saw what happened to him after.

— -

Slowly, more and more men started filling the cell. The majority was Mexican. So that made me feel safer for some reason. There was also a huge swoll white dude who had just beaten up somebody. His fists were bruised. The cell filled up with like 20 people in there. Half of us had purple wristbands and half of us had blue wristbands. There was also this funny Mexican dude named Eduardo who didn’t shut the fuck up. He worked at a restaurant in downtown I forgot which one. He was in there because he got into it with security at Omnia and they called the police on him. He was the one asking everyone what they had done to get there. Eventually everyone started loosening up and everyone started sharing their War Stories. When it got to me, I still was semi paranoid so I didn’t go into details. I felt like anything I say in there could be used against me. Luckily they changed the subject by complimenting my ODB shirt then we all started trying to remember what year he died. I was positive it had to be over a decade ago. Others were arguing with me that it was a lot more recent than that. (I just googled it right now, ODB died November 13th, 2004 from a drug overdose 2 days before his birthday.) We then switched the subject to the UFC fights. Eduardo was bitching because he got arrested before he went to see who won. Then they let him know Nate Diaz won and Eduardo got even more pissed off because he bet money on Conor McGregor. A lot of the guys in there were arrested for public intoxication and fighting. I wasn’t surprised.

I was worried and ashamed about my whole situation, but I started feeling a lot better after suffering the ego death around this time with the other inmates. As funny as it sounds we started vibing with each other. Not about music but about our similar situation we were currently in. We all hated the police so that made it a whole lot easier haha. We were joking about starting a real prison riot and rushing the door the next time the cops opened it. Finally the cops opened the door (We didn’t rush it) and they directed us towards an elevator. In the elevator the big buff white dude told me that I was lucky because I had the purple wristband. He had the blue one on. When the elevator opened, they separated the blue and purple wristbands and sent us to different cells. The Blue writstbands turned out to be for more serious offenses like felonies. The purple ones were for misdemeanors. So blue wristbands needed to post bail to get out. Us purples were just going to stay in for the night then be let out the next day. This was the hugest relief.

They then split up the people with purple wristbands. The people I was left with was Eduardo, the asian dude (never got his name), this other Mexican cat from national city (I think his name was Jonny,) and another white dude wearing a fedora with a nice stache. The last guy’s name was Mark. Mark got arrested right after walking out the bar. He didn’t go into detail either, but according to him, all he did was walk out intoxicated. I didn’t really believe him. Something else I couldnt believe, was why they let this fool into jail with his dope hat but mine was taken away. I tell you even in jail they give white people privelages.

The police instructed us to follow the red tape line again and this time it leads into a cell that is about the same size as the previous. The difference this time was that when they opened this cell, the stench hit everyone in the face like those power AC ventilators they have at the walmart entrances. Except there was no AC in this room. It was the smell of old white man bum (street bum, not booty bum. But it all smelled like bum booty) and good ol crackhead Marvin. The smell was penetrating. Within minutes, it didn’t even matter that we were covering our noses under our shirts the smell had already consumed us all. I have to describe this room in detail because the first hour was one of the lowest most traumatizing moments in my life.

CH 7 THE DRUNK TANK

The room was about the size of an average living room. Maybe about 330 square feet. There was grime on top of grime and dirtiness all over the walls and floor. You merely adopted the dirtiness. I was born in it. Molded by it. Haha jk. Anyways a couple of pieces of old baloney and rotten kraft singles cheeses were spread out through the floor. There were also empty lunch sacks with empty PB and J packets inside. There were several other stains on the walls and floor that I couldnt really depict what they came from nor did I really want to know. As we first walk in there was a the old white bum sleeping near the entrance on the bottom left of the room. He was using his shoes as a pillow and he didnt have any socks on. His feet were almost black from how dirty and crusty they were. This man slept the whole entire 12 hours we were in that cell. There was a bench on the left side of the room and on the top left corner were 3 old pay phones. Then to the top right of the room was the metal toilet and on the right side of the room was another bench. And in the bottom right side of the room layed good ol Crackhead Marvin. Twitching and fidgety like crazy while he was sleeping. I couldn’t help but think how much he reminded me of crackhead Tyrone Biggums from the Chappelle show. Except Marvin was really fat. He had a huge pot belly that kept popping out while he was twitching and turning. Luckily he was wearing socks because I am almost certain I would have for sure vomited if I would have seen those black crackhead feet. And thus began the time to be served in the worst room I’ve ever been in my life.

I decided to stand for a bit on the wall in between the phones and the toilet. The asian dude sat next to the exit door. Eduardo sat on the left benches sitting by the old white bum. Mark with the fedora hat sat on the benches close to crackhead marvin. Jonny stood next to me. I felt the worst for Jonny because I believed his story about being arrested for no reason. Jonny was a good looking cat. He looked young and fit and he was tatted up. He had like a kiss tat on his neck which I thought was corny but he made it work. His family had thrown a UFC party and it ended up taking a turn for the worse. He was putting his daughter to sleep when his mom came banging on the door because his brother and his dad were fighting and so was his other friends outside the house in the neighborhood. Basically a typical drunk Mexican party. He had to break up the fight between his dad and brother and then his homie and his homie’s wife got into a fight too and the wife ended up breaking her man’s nose. So his friend was on the floor bleeding while he ran out of his own house to go see if he was ok. Jonny was still holding his daughter when the officer came to arrest him. The douchebag cop grabbed him then smelled the alcohol on Jonny’s breath and decided to book him for public intoxication. Ain’t that some bullshit? This pig was training another female officer. Jonny was complying with the officer and noticed that the officer got more aggressive with him as the female officer approached. This cop was flexing for Ms. Piggy and ended up taking Jonny to jail for no good reason. Jonny was in a tshirt, basketball shorts, and shoes with no socks since he put on shoes real quick to go calm the commotion down. The funny thing is; although he was worried about the beef between his dad and brother and his homie and wife, he was tripping out more about leaving his cellphone in his house when they arrested him. Because he knew baby momma was already gonna go through his shit and my man had been creeping with a couple sidebae’s. She was definitely going to see the messages. Damn my man was fucked on a different level than I was. All I could remember was that meme with the guy talking to his sad girlfriend saying, “I told you not to look through my phone. Now look at you. All hurt n shit.”

We were in the cell for about 30 minutes until I finally decided to sit down and lean on the dirty wall. There was no way I was going to be able to stand the whole time. I was beaten down, defeated, and exhausted. Eventually I grabbed my sack lunch and used the bread fluff as a pillow and laid down on the nasty ass floor. I barely had any energy after going through the ego death. Even though I had survived my first ego death, the punishment was still far from over. The officers came around with more sack lunches. They tossed everyone a sack even if they were sleeping. Crackhead Marvin’s lunch landed on his belly. It was PB and J this time. I didn’t want to touch any of the food. My hands were filthy and mucky I wouldn’t dare risking to eat anything that my hands touched at the time. Mistakenly, I decided I would just drink the OJ, forgetting what happens when you drink OJ after you’re tripping, and back came the trip again. It was no where near as intense as before, but those sullied wall and floor tiles got real 3-D and began to move around again. Goddamnit.

Then crackhead Marvin woke up. He looked out of sorts for a bit then looked at his lunch sack next to him. Boy oh boy more free food. At this point Eduardo, Mark, the old White bum, and the Asian dude were all passed out. Eduardo would start snoring loud every time he passed out. Jonny and me were sitting next to each other. Jonny had been standing for at least an hour since he was wearing shorts and really didn’t want to sit on the dirty floor. But he finally gave up and sat down against the wall next to me. We were staring at Crackhead Marvin eat his food. I mentioned to Jonny how Marvin reminded me of a fat Tyrone from Chappelle Show and Jonny recognized the resemblance and laughed. Man Marvin ate that PB and J as if he was making love to it. He was humming happily the whole time he was preparing his food and eating it. It would take him a minute to figure out how to open each condiment. First the bread. He ripped the plastic pack open too hard and bread went flying in different directions. He was able to lean over and grab them from the grimy ass floor, then put it on top of his pants to put the pb and j. He opened the PB and J packets with his mouth and spread it on the bread. He then proceeded to suck every last drop of PB and J from each packet like a pro. This wasn’t your first rodeo was it Marvin? I probly gotten free dome from him if I offered him some crack after we got out. Unfortunately he wasn’t my type. I disturbingly witnessed what that mouth do though. Marvin would stare at Jonny and me suspiciously for half a second, then continue enjoying his PB and J Sammich. We couldn’t help clowning on how delighted Marvin looked while he was eating his sammich. Humming along to the very last bite, then licking his dirty ass fingers after finishing his delicious meal. We were like bruh lemme get a bite of that real quick. Jonny goes, “Man this guy is making me want to eat my sandwich now too.” We laughed about it then looked at the food and our hands again and changed our minds real quick. At this point when I would look at my hands, I could see the dirt on my hands moving around. My wrists were swollen and pulsating from the handcuff cuts and bruises. I was already terrified that I might have caught some kind of disease from having open wounds inside this cell so I didn’t want to risk getting any other types of infections from eating. Jonny decided to just eat the bread to sober down since he was drinking IPA’s all night. I decided I might as well trip out for a while longer since I’m already stuck here.

Crackhead Marvin finished his sammich then asked us if we were going to finish our food. Jonny said yea. I didn’t even want to look at Marvin because he grossed me out too much so I ignored him. Fuck off cracky I ain’t talking to yo cracky ass. He made some crackhead gestures and then laid back down on his green man uggs. They were ugly but I’m sure they were super comfortable to wear or to sleep on even. Then we all dozed off for a while. Then Marvin starts twitching again as he lays on his side. He puts his hand in his pants and starts thrusting the floor. The noises wake me up. I could see his butt cheeks clinch from every thrust and he was then he started making moaning noises. My man must have been having some fantasies cuz by now he was straight humping the floor. I look over at Jonny and he is awake again too. We start laughing again at Marvin putting in work. My man was making moves. He was giggling and whispering sweet nothings into the floor. All the while he was still getting his thrusts in there. It was one of the most unnatractive yet entertaining things I’ve ever seen. Our laughing woke Mark up; who was laying on the bench next to Marvin. He got creeped out and sat up after seeing Marvin getting sensual with floorbae. Mark definitely did not appreciate the humor as much as Jonny and me. Then the officers came to check up on us again. At this time it had to be around 2–3am.

At first we thought we were going to be released. I was so relieved. Wrong again. The officers woke everyone up just to get everyone’s names. Everyone felt like they would just do this to fuck with us. The old white bum woke up for a second to say his name then got up to pee, then fell back asleep. But once Marvin had been woken up, it did not take long before he was back up and at em. Marvin starts pacing around the room bitching about being held in that cell for 2 days. As time went on, his story of being in there for 2 days increased to 3 days, then 4 days, he exaggerated up to being in there for 6 days by the time we were about to leave 10 hours later. So Marvin got up and started trying to call bail bonds. He grabbed the old ass looking payphones. The payphones looked like old blue toy phones for kids back in 1997. Marvin would take a while punching in numbers, and then a lady answered his call.

Marvin begins yelling into the phone. “Ayo get me out of here! I’ve been here for 2 whole days.” This woke up Eduardo who was immediately startled when he noticed that crackhead Marvin was awake and right next to him. Eduardo sat up still half asleep and everyone listened to Marvin talk to the phone. The lady on the phone replied, “They are going to release you in a couple of hours you need to sober up and calm down.” Marvin continues yelling, “I am sober! I am calm! Tell them my name Marvin _____ and they’ll know what to do.” Then he spotted the Deputy through the window and would begin to yell at him, “Aye deputy! Get me out of here! I’ve been here 3 days already! Deputyyy!” The deputy would hear Marvin and play along, “You’ve been intoxicated for 3 whole days?” This annoyed Marvin and he yelled back, “Hell nah! I’m sober get me out of here! This is some bullshit! Go get my papers already man!” The deputy let him know that his papers were not ready yet and he needed to wait. Marvin then continued to complain to the lady on the phone. I got up to go sit on the bench close to where he was sleeping and he was quick to stop me, “No no! That’s my corner I go go back there back there.” I didn’t wanna deal with it so I just sat back on the other bench next to Eduardo. The lady on the phone was scolding Marvin, and Marvin appeared to be listening to her as he calmed down, “Ok. Ok I’m going to be calm. Yes I am sober. Ok baby. Ok I’m gonna call you in 20 minutes. Ok baby? Tell them my name. Marvin _____. Ok I love you. Ok bye. Ok remember to tell them my name.” As soon as he hung up Marvin began mumbling more and complaining. He continued yelling for the deputy to get his papers. “Deputyyyy!” Then he went to put on his green uggs. Eduardo had fully woken up again and started complaining along with crackhead Marvin. “Man this some bullshit for real. I can’t wait to get out of here I’m going to smoke the fattest blunt and then I’m gonna go to the casino and win some money.” I tell Eduardo, “First thing I’ma do is get home, take a long hot shower to get this smell off me, and then smoke a fat bowl and knock the fuck out.” Everyone nodded in agreement. Meanwhile Marvin was still pacing around bitching to the deputy about his papers. Eduardo finally started laughing at Marvin who kept yelling at the deputy and started imitating Marvin, “Ayo Deputyyyyyy!” Eduardo said loudly. Everyone in the room was awake by this time and started laughing.

“Ayo Dep! Tell them to bring me my papers man!” Marvin began getting louder as he was encouraged by all of us laughing at the situation. We all would join in after a while too. “Deputy! Ayo Dep!” I know I yelled it out at least 2 times. Then Marvin looked at Eduardo and goes, “Man they just like to fuck with us they got me fucked up!” Eduardo light heartedly agreed while shaking his head at the cops. Marvin went to get some props from Eduardo and low five’d him. I remember thinking, man if Eduardo only saw where Marv had his hands in while he was sleeping I don’t think he would be shaking hands with this dude. I saw Marvin pull at least 10 wedgies off his shit stained pants. Then Marvin went back to the phones to talk to the Bail lady again. This time when the lady picked up, Marvin starts singing to the lady, “Ayo did they get my papers yet? Tell them my name. Marvin _____. Tell em I said it’s going down in the DM! It’s going down in the DM.” When he started singing we all start cracking up hard. I laughed to the point where my eyes were tearing up. Eduardo joins along and starts singing along, “It go down in the DM boy!” Marvin started dancing doing a weird stanky leg mixed with a cat daddy. Then my man started dabbing on us. A crackhead dabbing. Now I know I’ve seen it all. Shit I said fuck it and started joining in. “It go down in the DM. It go down. It go…..down” Haha I look over at Jonny and say, “You know damn well this crackhead doesn’t know wtf going down in the DM even means.” Everyone had a good laugh for pretty long time. Then I realized what had just happened. This crackhead that we were initially revolted by was now making us laugh and sing along with him. We started vibing with a crackhead! All I wanted to do was get the fuck out of there. I was still super ashamed of myself, I didn’t want to talk to anyone, and I never wanted to see any of those guys again. But even then, this crackhead had just made everyone in the room sing along and laugh together. We were all linked whether we liked it or not and we all vibed with one another for at least a moment. That was my favorite part of the worst day of life. Because we were still able to find joy in a horrible situation. That’s when my lesson was fully learned. And it could possibly be one of the most valuable lessons I will ever learn in my life.

CH8 CONCLUSION

The rest of the cell time was more of the same shit. I’m not going to mention who took a shit because what took place in that toilet should never be mentioned again. Lets just say that by 1pm we were all begging to get out of there and never return. It was Sunday so there was only 1 release officer. They were letting us out one by one and they would take what felt like an eternity. I was next at 12:00pm and then this bitch went on her lunch break. I wanted to fucking die. When it was my turn, I spoke to the officer, she returned my possessions, told me my court date, told me where to pick up my cash downstairs, and unlocked the exit door for me. I didn’t take a second to even look back. The lesson I learned was some Lion King type Mufasa lesson. Kinda like a Circle of Life. That we are all connected. That we all have a certain vibrance about us that can allow us to link to one another. No matter who we are, our situation, or what we look like. Human beings are vibrant creatures meant to interact and coexist with one another. I had figured it out earlier the day before. But what I didn’t take into account was that respect must come along with vibe. My ego was so big that I felt like my vibe was greater than everyone else’s and I was not respecting people’s personal space or vibe.

I learned that you cant force yourself upon people’s personal space. That’s not vibing. People vibes were open at CRSSD fest because everyone was having a great time. It’s easy to vibe with each other at festivals because everyone is in a joyful state and open to connect with one another. I took advantage of that open vibe and did not connect with them harmoniously. Instead I wanted to force my vibe upon everyone. Then I went and disrespected the security’s vibes. I remember talking to a tall OG looking security man in his 50s or 60s when they first tried calming me down. I didn’t even give this OG the proper respect to vibe with him and let him say the words of wisdom that I could have learned from him. Something I’ve learned in my experiences, is to always pay attention to the old heads and soak up game when they talk. It’s not always going to be wisdom. Most times it will be bullshit. But whenever they begin to tell you secrets and advice on the game and how to get ahead, it is important to always keep an ear out. It might not even be someone older than you, it could be someone younger, but more often than not it will be the older OG’s teaching you lessons. In this case I’m sure that this old gangster would have offered me some real important advice to calm the fuck down. But I didn’t pay attention. I didn’t respect his gangster. And I ended up playing myself. My ego was deaf to anyone else’s reason. Whether it was security or my friends. For this I apologize from the bottom of my heart. I wrote this story to make sure I remember this lesson and not repeat the same mistake. I now know that just as fast as my ego can grow, that it can die even faster.

Lastly, I want you all to know that if somehow I get lucky and end up making it in the music industry, to please remind me of this story whenever it starts getting to my head. I want to stay humble and remember what happened last time my ego got the best of me. I’m not Yeezus. I’m South Bay. SouthSide San Diego born and raised. And if you not widdit, ya’ll don’t have to vibe with me if you don’t feel me. Everyone has their own vibe and I know now to honor it. But if you are vibing with me and you believe in me. Thank you. I won’t take it for granted.

Shameless plug: https://soundcloud.com/dirty_619