Areallusernamestaken Tue 21-May-19 14:49:05

Hello all (that are interested!),



I thought I'd update my circumstances. Apologies if I'm rambling and for a long post, I've used this forum as almost a brain dump to get all my thoughts and feelings out.



My wife is still in same house as me. She has been to see one place but I don't think she likes it. As of now there is no moving out date. She is still on settee at night, and is angling for alternate nights in bed/on settee. No chance!



We've not told the kids yet or wider family as she wants to wait until she gets sorted elsewhere. I can live with this.



She is also still trying to get me to cancel the Disney Paris trip, despite saying previously it was ok. Her mind on this changes like the wind. If she does make me cancel I've decided to take kids to Florida in the summer holidays instead. The credit card will take a battering, but they deserve a nice break. So do I!



I've been in touch with the bank and got agreement in principle to buy her out. This will take a couple of months to sort but things are moving forwards. She hasn't yet given me anything for running costs for the house. I'm not going to chase, but will take it off any settlements for contents. So far this is almost £1k and rising.



Most importantly I wanted to update you on my frame of mind. It's weird, over the last few days I've almost become at peace with the situation. I no longer have the twisted feeling in my belly that stopped me eating properly. I've actually put on a couple of pounds! The dreams about the situation have almost stopped and I don't really feel anything towards her now. It almost doesn't feel like she was ever my wife which is bizarre as we've been together almost 20 years. These feelings/thoughts are new to me, as she is all I've known or cared about and loved for so long. I didn't expect my feelings to evaporate to such an extent so soon.



So now i find myself in the odd situation of living with someone that feels almost like a stranger, despite knowing her for more than half my life. My frustrations about her constant texting are gone, I'm not really fussed what she does any more, and her angry outbursts don't really hit me the way they used to. Its still annoying what she has done and the future we could have had is gone but it's not overwhelming me any more.



Is this normal? To go from gutted to almost not caring? It's been almost 6 months of horrible anguish, pain and emotional suffering but now these feelings have stopped almost entirely. I'm sure I'll feel crappy when she does move out and wardrobes are empty, her make up gone etc. but I don't think it will cripple me like I was worried it might do.



Are these feelings normal? Or am I going to come crashing back down to earth? I hope I'm on the road to recovery but worried at some point things will take a turn for the worse.



I've even felt confident enough to apply for a new job (not told wife)... I just feel like I need to start afresh. Again, all very new and strange for me as ive been in a partnership for so long, having no one to tell or look for support for such a big thing.



My main worry now, oddly, is been alone as ive never lived by myself. I moved straight from parents into our first house. I know I'll have kids for at least 50% of the time and have a cat but it does feel daunting. Im fully house trained so chores are not the issue, it's more of the long winter nights I'm apprehensive about.



I'm also worried about if I'll ever find anyone else. Having your wife dump you for a younger model is quite difficult to take, even as a man it makes you feel ugly and worthless and generally unattractive. I think I know I'm not ugly, certainly no one has ever said that or commented negatively on what I look like (I'm 6ft 2, 12st, bit of a dad bod ), but as my wife has been the only person I've ever known to show an interest in me, except the guy at Pret (see previous comments ) it does make me worry! Sad as it is I even uploaded a picture of myself to prettyscale (site that rates your appearance). I got 83% pretty which did make me feel a bit better! Haha



Thanks all for taking the time to read this, I've really appreciated all the feedback and support. It has definately helped me cope and push through this horrible period in my life. I know there's a long way to go but I think I've finally started the journey.