It can be tough for bands to break through the noise, so here are 8 fail-proof album press release strategies I’ve developed based on my 10+ years in the music industry as a journalist, curator, marketer, and artist manager.

1. Use Vague But Impressive Phrases At Least Once Per Paragraph

Such as: “highly-anticipated”, “innovative songwriting”, “a palette of exquisitely crafted sound”, “garnering buzz in the blogosphere”, and “has already conquered club charts worldwide.”

2. Include Spotify Streaming Stats

Take your age, multiply it by itself, multiply that number by itself, and then multiply that number by itself. This is now your number of streams on Spotify.*

*Note: the higher the number, the less likely it’ll be fact-checked!

3. Acronyms Are Your Friend

Use acronyms like RIYL or LOLWTF followed by a list of 3 bands that are more popular than you.

4. Quotes From Tastemakers

Collect quotes from 5-star reviews of your favorite ramen restaurant on Yelp, and add — (important editorial person), (major music publication) after each one.

5. Awards

Close your eyes, put your finger on a random word, put an Ⓡ symbol next to it and add “award-winning” after it.

6. Define Your Genre

You are 86% more likely to be featured in Pitchfork and Noisey if your genre is a hyphenation of a mythical creature and a type of dwelling; i.e. witch-house, yeti-yurt, or troll-shack.

7. Attention-Grabbing Email Subject Line

Music journalists can get hundreds of press releases a week, so make sure you WRITE YOUR EMAIL SUBJECT LINE IN ALL CAPS AND ADD RE: AT THE BEGINNING

8. Name-Drop

When in doubt, name-drop Kanye West, Kanye West’s producer, Kanye West’s manicurist, Kanye West’s gardener, Kanye West’s middle school janitor, and/or Kanye West’s Kanye West bobblehead.