drive2eternity BHPian



Join Date: Jun 2015 Location: Bangalore Posts: 357 Thanked: 1,478 Times

Hilarious parody: Bangalore ORR



Discussion between Senior Urban Planner and 2 new designers.

Senior Urban Planner = SUP

New Designers = ND1 and ND2



SUP- Good morning gentlemen. We have to construct a new pair of flyovers on the Ring road.

As always, our goal is to minimize public convenience. I need your inputs. Please pour your suggestions.



ND1- Sir, let us begin by selecting a site such that the exits of major technology parks fall in no man's land



SUP- Seems like a good idea, can you elaborate?



ND1- Sir, the design should be such that if a person needs to travel towards the north direction, he still has no option but to travel south in a narrow service lane for at least 1 km before he can take a u-turn and be back on his usual path. We congest the service lane to the maximum this way.



SUP- Brilliant. Go on.



ND2- How about continuing the strange flyover design which has exit on both sides?



SUP- You mean our trademark design where just as the flyover begins, we provide a service lane on either side. It effectively doubles the traffic and creates a bottle neck at both the beginning and end of a flyover?



ND2- Yes sir. The cars in the right most lane, usually the ones who want to continue straight cannot and are forced to change lanes. Its very effective in creating a jam.



SUP- Good thinking. We are progressing really well. What other suggestions can you give me?



ND1- How about decorating all the service lanes with potholes?



SUP- Don't be stupid. That is for granted. Give me something better.



ND1- Sir, we can block the right side service lane and open it for traffic coming from the opposite direction.



SUP- What do you mean?



ND1- This way, we have 2 lanes of traffic coming on the service lanes, who all want to merge with the traffic coming down from a flyover. It is a perfect bottleneck.



SUP- I am impressed.



ND2- Sir, we can have bus stops right at the beginning of the flyover. The buses will block up to 2 lanes of traffic as they usually stop in any lane.



SUP- Not only at the beginning, we also put bus stops just at the end of the flyover. No lane should be spared.



ND2- Also, we can make the lanes below the flyover, where people usually take U-turns signal free. First come First serve. Everyone will be stuck here for good.



SUP- I am really happy with this one. And I propose to allow 2 sided traffic in all the service lanes.



ND1- Wow Sir, now we know how you became Senior Urban planner. Your vision and foresight are legendary.



SUP- Don't patronize me. We have work to do. I am still not happy with the congestion, think some more.



ND1- We can ensure there is hardly any footpath for people to walk. This way, people and vehicles will all be competing for the same space of tarmac.



SUP- Another stupid idea. We already know there should be no footpaths. And even if there are, they should be dug up and made un-walk-able.



ND1- We should ensure there is no foot-over bridge for people to cross the roads. People crossing the roads will be done in groups which will bring entire traffic to a standstill.



SUP- Again, it is already our trademark. Seems like you are new to our city. We never make foot over bridges.



ND2- Sir, we can allow the electricity board to put a Transformer in the service lanes. This will narrow the lane down to a single lane point and become a bottleneck.



SUP- Marvelous. My eyes are filled with joy. Let us begin.



SUP- Below is what we have done:



Getting stuck on the ORR is an everyday affair. So while stuck in traffic, I came up with the below. Its a long post. Hope you guys can understand and relate to it.Discussion between Senior Urban Planner and 2 new designers.Senior Urban Planner = SUPNew Designers = ND1 and ND2SUP- Good morning gentlemen. We have to construct a new pair of flyovers on the Ring road.As always, our goal is to minimize public convenience. I need your inputs. Please pour your suggestions.ND1- Sir, let us begin by selecting a site such that the exits of major technology parks fall in no man's landSUP- Seems like a good idea, can you elaborate?ND1- Sir, the design should be such that if a person needs to travel towards the north direction, he still has no option but to travel south in a narrow service lane for at least 1 km before he can take a u-turn and be back on his usual path. We congest the service lane to the maximum this way.SUP- Brilliant. Go on.ND2- How about continuing the strange flyover design which has exit on both sides?SUP- You mean our trademark design where just as the flyover begins, we provide a service lane on either side. It effectively doubles the traffic and creates a bottle neck at both the beginning and end of a flyover?ND2- Yes sir. The cars in the right most lane, usually the ones who want to continue straight cannot and are forced to change lanes. Its very effective in creating a jam.SUP- Good thinking. We are progressing really well. What other suggestions can you give me?ND1- How about decorating all the service lanes with potholes?SUP- Don't be stupid. That is for granted. Give me something better.ND1- Sir, we can block the right side service lane and open it for traffic coming from the opposite direction.SUP- What do you mean?ND1- This way, we have 2 lanes of traffic coming on the service lanes, who all want to merge with the traffic coming down from a flyover. It is a perfect bottleneck.SUP- I am impressed.ND2- Sir, we can have bus stops right at the beginning of the flyover. The buses will block up to 2 lanes of traffic as they usually stop in any lane.SUP- Not only at the beginning, we also put bus stops just at the end of the flyover. No lane should be spared.ND2- Also, we can make the lanes below the flyover, where people usually take U-turns signal free. First come First serve. Everyone will be stuck here for good.SUP- I am really happy with this one. And I propose to allow 2 sided traffic in all the service lanes.ND1- Wow Sir, now we know how you became Senior Urban planner. Your vision and foresight are legendary.SUP- Don't patronize me. We have work to do. I am still not happy with the congestion, think some more.ND1- We can ensure there is hardly any footpath for people to walk. This way, people and vehicles will all be competing for the same space of tarmac.SUP- Another stupid idea. We already know there should be no footpaths. And even if there are, they should be dug up and made un-walk-able.ND1- We should ensure there is no foot-over bridge for people to cross the roads. People crossing the roads will be done in groups which will bring entire traffic to a standstill.SUP- Again, it is already our trademark. Seems like you are new to our city. We never make foot over bridges.ND2- Sir, we can allow the electricity board to put a Transformer in the service lanes. This will narrow the lane down to a single lane point and become a bottleneck.SUP- Marvelous. My eyes are filled with joy. Let us begin.SUP- Below is what we have done: Last edited by drive2eternity : 22nd June 2016 at 16:11 .