One thing that isn’t often spoken about is how hard it is for men to approach women with romantic intent. It’s actually one of the hardest things we ever have to do and that’s the reason why the vast majority of us only ever do it while drunk and specially defined scenarios like a bar or a club. Well I don’t want to be that way anymore and have decided to get over this fear once and for all so to that end I’ll be approaching 2 women every day for 50 days and writing about what happens.

And just so we’re clear; this isn’t about ‘getting laid’; it’s about breaking through my personal limitations and learning to become a much stronger man. When a guy approaches a girl he doesn’t know, every one of his insecurities are shoved right into his face in technicolour HD and it’s in that moment that he really finds out what he’s made of.

It’s time to find out what I’m made of. Let’s do this.

See the whole challenge here.

Day 32 – woman number 1 – Tasha

Hello humans. Before I get started let me please say once again that if you’re a secret fan of my blog then I definitely want to know who you are, how you found me, and what you get from following me so please get in touch @ ciaran@ciarancallam.com.

Moving swiftly on, the first lady of the day was Tasha, a US national of Korean descent who recently moved to London. She was a little bit further up the road from me and walking in the same direction but slowly so I have to admit that I was checking her out from behind before I ever saw her face. Anyway; I did a double take as I walked by and found myself informing her that I admired her genetics. She laughed and said thanks and we ended up walking and talking together before she said she was headed to work at the same Google campus that I was off to. In any event, she told me that she not only works for a tech startup but moved to London from San Francisco literally yesterday.

Here’s what happened next:

ME: Wow, so you’ve just moved here? You’re like fresh off the boat?

HER: Yeah; so where are the cool parties around here?

ME: It depends what you’re into really. You can find any and everything in this city. Here’s a wild idea though; try it on for size and see how it fits. Are you ready?

HER: I’m ready.

ME: How about I take you out somewhere?

HER: That’s not gonna work.

ME: Why’s that?

HER: Because I’m not into guys. I’m all about making cash.

ME: But you’ve just asked me about parties. And presumably, when you go to parties you’ll imbibe certain substances that will make it harder for you to make cash the next day.

HER (laughing) True! But basically I’m not into guys!

ME: Oh, so you’re a lesbian?

HER: Nah, I’m just asexual.

ME: Really?

HER: Really. I’m asexual. I’m genuinely not into guys, or anyone else, for that matter.

ME: Well can I be honest?

HER: Of course.

ME: OK so I clearly approached you with sexual intent but the fact is that I’m not bothered about having a sexual relationship with you. At the risk of sounding arrogant, I have enough options where women are concerned to not care if one girl isn’t into me, so if you’re saying you don’t like me that way it’s more than cool.

HER: I’m glad you understand.

ME: Yeah, don’t worry. I need more female friends anyway. We can go out and you can be my wingman.

HER: I’m an excellent wingman.

ME: I don’t doubt it. I’ll get talking to girls and if they’re not interested you can come round, put your arm around my waist and act like you’re into me and then that’ll make them see me in a new light!

HER: Boom!

Anyway, I walked with Tasha to the Google campus, bought her a coffee for the hashtag fuck of it, and promised to stay in touch.

Woman number 2 – Julie

Woman number 2 was a brunette who was stood leaning against a wall smoking a cigarette as I headed to my Pilates class from the Google campus. As I walked past, I looked her in the eye and expressed the fact that I thought she looked incredible and that lead to her giggling and us chatting for a few minutes. Her name was Julie, she was French and worked for a startup that sold novelty popcorn. She was pretty damn passionate about that popcorn actually. I didn’t know it was possible for one woman to love the stuff so much but apparently it is and then some. Anyway; Sophie’s only got one more month in the UK before she heads back to the land of berets, striped jumpers and phallic loads of bread so I invited her to meet me for a coffee before she leaves.

She seemed intrigued but somewhat skeptical and wanted to know more about who the hell I was so I told her as much I could which seemed to satisfy her curiosity. We ended up swapping numbers and agreeing to meet for coffee and that’s when I remembered to tell her about this challenge so tell her I did and laugh she did! After that we took a selfie together and bounced in opposite directions.

Thoughts

People have asked me if I feel stronger as a result of having this challenge and the strict answer is no I don’t. If you can think of the sorts of things you might want to do but be scared to try, like talking to a strange beautiful woman, most would imagine them to be like heavy weights that you either have the strength to lift or you don’t. They’d also then assume that doing something like this would give you more strength to lift that heavy weight, but that’s not the way it works for me.

I don’t feel any stronger than I did when I started this challenge; I just feel less baggage blocking me from being myself. If you imagine the ability to be yourself as being like a radio that’s perfectly tuned into a specific station like 95.6 FM (Radio WM bitches!) or a fully working eye with no cataracts and perfect vision, then it’s like my station is becoming finely tuned or my cataracts are dissolving. I can see in HD 1440P and Radio Ciaran is broadcasting more purely than ever before. I’m not gaining the extra strength needed to do something hard, I’m just tuning into myself more so that something that would once have taken mental effort is now becoming effortless. Ciao for now, humans!

32 days down, 18 to go