NEW BEDFORD, MA—Irking fellow users with their gross displays of congenial rhetoric, disagreeing Twitter commenters Sydney Ramstead and Brian Packer engaged in a self-congratulatory civility that was honestly worse than an outright fight would have been, sources confirmed Thursday. “God, I would rather these guys tell each other to fuck off than continue this preening exchange where they go on and on about how much they respect each other’s opinions,” said Kyle Lim, a witness to the nauseating debate who described the exasperation he felt as the two participants repeatedly expressed how they each thought the other brought up interesting points and how they were both glad to be taking part in good-faith dialogue with a formidable opponent. “They won’t shut up about the ‘importance of civil discourse’ and how the internet would be a much better place if everyone were a bit nicer. Ugh, this is unbearable. Drop the posturing already and just tell him he can eat shit!” At press time, Lim reportedly couldn’t take it anymore and jumped into the conversation to inform the two debaters they were both Nazis.

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