Luftwaffe “just wanted to see St Paul’s Cathedral”

Hermann Göring, commander-in-chief of the German air force, has denied responsibility for the devastating London blitz, insisting that his pilots “just wanted to see St Paul’s Cathedral”.

Göring explained, “We were all sitting in the mess hall talking about English Baroque architecture, and the subject of St Paul’s Cathedral came up.

“Hans was saying how he loved how the lower storey of the portico extends to the full width of the aisles, while the upper section defines the nave that lies behind it.

“And Fritz said that he loved the balustraded balcony ornamented with alternating pilasters and rectangular windows which are set just below the cornice, creating a sense of lightness.

“And it turned out that every single member of the Luftwaffe was a massive fan of St Paul’s Cathedral.

“So I said, ‘Why don’t you all go on a nice sightseeing trip?’

“They were very excited by this idea, so they all got into their aeroplanes, which just happened to be Heinkel He 111 medium bombers, armed to the teeth with high explosive and incendiary bombs, and flew a 700 mile round trip across the English Channel to take a closer look.

“Wow, those Corinthian columns.

“Though they were quite hard to see amongst all the smoke and flames that happened to be there for some reason.

“And Hans tells me that St Paul’s Cathedral is 111m tall. Not as tall as Salisbury Cathedral, but still tall.

“Ja, in the Luftwaffe we are all big fans of Sir Christopher Robin. I mean Wren.”