Things I Learned While Buying Plastic Men: The new horror movie is on TV

I think the future of the horror genre is in television, simply because of five words: “Based on a true story”. Now before you gut me with your Freddy gloves, hear me out. It seems a lot as of late that horror movies from the big studios have become parodies of themselves, relying on mindless shock and misogyny, zombies coupled with useless gimmicks like “Based on a true story”.

“Based on a true story” just means it’s all true….except for the killer… The plot… The Characters…. The house that might be haunted, although there was a house. It was just old, not haunted…. and not particularly that old,. It was built in the 2008… but the basement wasn’t finished… and right now the bank just repossessed it… boo!

I understand that there needs to be a connection between the audience and the movie, but does the studio really need to tell me exactly what said connection is? This whole “Hey this could happen to you! Because it happened to someone like you!” style of movie making is just plain insulting. Maybe they don’t mean it to be. Maybe the studios believe that if they tell me a paranormal activity-like experience could happen to me, I might be more inclined to go to the movie and be frightened. But I know me. I know how I live and honestly, there is not a ghost in existence that would follow me around for a day.

Don’t get me wrong, my existence of masturbating while online shopping is truly breath taking and an exciting spectacle to behold. But for a ghost? Come on. You’re telling me when a person dies, and they can go any where in time and space, they’ll choose watching me yelling at the computer in the self check out isle in Fortinos for 20 minutes? Have I become that important?

I remember when horror movies drew me in and made me feel part of the story without having to tell me that it was “Based on a true story”. I know people to this day who couldn’t swim in their own back yard pool because of Jaws. No one said that Jaws was based on a story where a shark ate someone while they swam in their above ground pool. We just assumed it. Who was to say our parents weren’t the type of people who could not only have nurtured and raised us, but also throw a great white in the deep end while we were playing an innocent game of Marco Polo?

TV is the new mecca for horror. By it’s very nature and limitations, TV has no choice but to explore the psychology that makes us terrified. It’s a medium that needs grow not only every episode, but every season. So creating real multi-dimensional characters with interesting plots seems to be the status quo of horror on television. Seasons have to be planned out in advanced which means you as the viewer must sit back and trust the show runners will take you on a truly terrifying ride complete with unexpected turns and growth. Relying on gimmicks, tropes and shock, is the best way to get your series cancelled. I’m not claiming to be a horror expert, but it seems to me that the future of horror is on the boob tube. What do you think?

If you’re gonna geek out, GEEK HARD!

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