Is what you are feeling valid or is it all in your head?

I think we’ve all been there. Whether you suffer from a Mental Illness/Disorder or not, we have all at one point been told what we are feeling is wrong. So could that be true? Could you really be wrong for what you are feeling? Now this is just an opinion, but in my opinion, you can NEVER be wrong for how you feel, BUT what made you feel that way may not be the way you perceived it.

Let me explain a little further. Between dealing with my BPD, major depression, and anxiety disorder, every day is a constant struggle for me. I constantly put myself down and the only way I seem to be able to feel better is by venting. I only have a select few people that I speak to, so they are always the target of my never ending emotional rants.

One day I was talking to one of these special select few friends and they were talking about their day at work. They were very frustrated with their co-workers and their constant daily complaining at work. During his vent he happened to say “I have people bitching and complaining to everyday. I don’t want to have to deal with it at work either.” Anger, sadness, and shame instantly took over. For a minute I felt like he was indirectly throwing a blow at me. I am always complaining about my life to him on a daily basis. So when he said “I have people bitching and complaining to me everyday” I automatically assumed the “people” he was referring to was me. I started to put myself down for being such a “bother” to everyone.

Then I took a minute and started to remember and use the mindfulness skills I have been learning during my therapy sessions. I realized that was not what he meant at all. He was simply venting to me. I guess you could say it was a poor choice of words, however I am understanding to the fact that people cannot and should not have to constantly walk on egg shells to make sure they don’t “trigger” me.

So was the anger, sadness, and shame I was feeling wrong? Of course not! I was feeling it! There is no doubt about that, however what caused me to feel that way was not valid. Me thinking that I was a bother to him and that he was indirectly throwing a blow at me WAS NOT VALID.

I was proud that I was able to recognize and asses what was really going on and use my skills to overcome my emotions and be more in tuned with my “wise mind”. However, I can’t say this is always the case. There are countless amount of times where I have let my emotions take complete control over me and blind me to the reality of the situation. It takes practice to master the skill of mindfulness, especially when you have lived your whole life giving into your emotions. It’s like having to retrain your brain all over again.

Don’t be ashamed if you sometimes you fall into the trap of your own emotions. It is all a part of the process. The more you practice the more you will be aware of your feelings and the situation you are in. So remember, you are NEVER wrong for how you feel, but what made you feel that way, may not be the way you perceived it.

When it doubt, talk it out!