Deep within the offices of Big Gay, Inc. there must be a pretty talented PR team. In recent years, this rare sexual disorder has jumped out of the abandoned dockside warehouses and into the homes of mainstream America. From Hollywood celebs to activist judges, it seems that just about everybody is swishing that rainbow flag of perversity about.

One of the most curious public relations pushes in the effort to normalize radical homosexuality is the relentless promotion of the “bear” lifestyle. Bears are gay men who combine a heavyset stature with a proudly sassy nature. Among subsets of American homosexuals, the bears have a uniquely dualistic nature. They can be masculine and tough and hairy one moment, and curiously effeminate the next. During select seasons and at specific locales, they’re ferocious hunters. The rest of the year, however, they’re nesters who have perfected domestic isolation. They prize the plush, warm comforts of the cave above all else.

Additionally, the bears occupy a special substratum of the overweight. Their extra poundage is concentrated in the abdominal region. This gives them what is commonly referred to as a paunch. Yet their paunches are robust protuberances, rounded and jiggly. The weight of a bear’s stomach, curiously enough, does not always carry over to the rest of their bodies. Their legs can be fit, muscled and firm. Their arms will be quick and versatile. And while the buttocks area of a homosexual bear is wider than average, it tends to be shapely and vibrant. In the heterosexually obese, the gluteal muscles are flat. The entire backside of these types of straight men takes on a squarish shape, unseen amongst the gays. This odd physiology certainly begs the question, but why?

From Beer Bellies to Childbearing

Recently, there have been shocking developments in the field of pre-natal science that rush far past common sense and the natural laws of God. When one views this in conjunction with the rise of gay visibility in our culture and the radical attempt to redefine the American family in some demented scheme to introduce militant socialism to this country, it becomes clear that the homosexual element has contrived the gay bear scene with something deeply sinister in mind.

Returning once again to those big, bouncy stomachs of the gay bears, it becomes obvious that the intent here is to mimic the physiology of a pregnant woman. This also underscores the bossy lifestyle choice’s strangely maternal side. Even the buttocks of the bears tell a story. Those supple globes say that girth does not slow down the sexual hunt, that a particular sort of man is seeking coitus as the receptacle. As has been noted elsewhere, the disturbing rise of sodomy in America is one of the most acclaimed successes of lascivious leftwing elitists. Amongst all types of homosexuals, the bears are most vociferous practitioners of hardcore sodomy and this is absolutely not a coincidence.

Indeed, the sweaty thrust to make gay bears acceptable to the public at large has already achieved remarkable results. Fraudulent “satirist” Stephen Colbert has made this subculture the butt of endless jokes on his late night cable channel. From bloggers to “pay to play” streaming videos (Where the Bears Are is one fierce, frontal and freakishly furry example), these sassy bears are taking over the internet. They chronicle every minor detail of their secret world and instruct new recruits about the regimen of this dangerous lifestyle.

The bears even have their very own representative in the United States Congress (beefy and bearded Brian Sims, whose stunning blue eyes have an unspoken yet profoundly erotic and threatening quality about them that just screams, “Your body will be mine!”). Yes, there is a very real threat of the gay bear scene raping our culture until we submit to their lust for acceptance and shameless science, power and pregnancy.

Now that homosexual elitists have tasted the fruits of power at the hands of Obama, their appetite for total dominance will only grow. Some may label these warnings as far-fetched and prejudicial, but the truth is that the gay bears have already begun transitioning from beer bellies to childbearing. What comes up next on the gay agenda? If Christian Americans don’t retake this country from the hirsute arms of these carnal carnivores, we may soon find out!