Photo : Fox ( Getty Images )

Throughout his career, Terrence Howard’s been nominated for an Oscar, joined (and exited) the MCU, and headlined a hit drama on Fox, despite his long history of domestic abuse and apparent belief that 1x1=2. It’s been quite the run for the actor, but, as he made clear on last night’s Emmys telecast, he’s retiring. Why, you ask? Well, you see, he’s finally been able “to open up the Flower of Life properly and find the real wave conjugations that we’ve been looking for for 10,000 years.” That’s all.


In a truly bizarre interview with KTLA, Howard says he plans on leaving acting behind so he can “build the planet Saturn without gravity and build the Milky Way galaxy without gravity.” But, to quote the KTLA interviewer, “that’s a big remark,” so let’s start from the beginning.


“Everyone keeps trying to tell me, ‘Don’t say it’s forever,’ but I’ve spent 37 years pretending to be people so that people can pretend to watch and enjoy what I’m doing when I’ve made some discoveries in my own personal life with the science that Pythagoras was searching for,” Howard tells the hosts. “I was able to open up the Flower of Life properly and find the real wave conjugations that we’ve been looking for for 10,000 years. Why would I continue walking on water for tips when I’ve got an entire generation to teach a whole new world?”

When asked what he intends to, you know, do, Howard breaks down how there’s no such thing as a straight line before saying that, well, he’s going to “[put] something on YouTube.” Sounds about right.

That video, in which Howard will “prove that gravity is only an effect and not a force,” drops tomorrow, apparently, the same day he says he’s receiving a star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame. It’s that latter bit, however—objectively the least interesting thing coming out of Howard’s mouth—that KTLA decides to pursue , leading Howard to say he’s confused why he’s even getting one since he hasn’t been nominated for an Emmy.

Perhaps a Nobel Prize is a more fitting accolade? Time will tell.