Now that our culture has finally decided to take violence against (some) women (somewhat) seriously, conversations that have long happened in hushed tones are taking place in the open. In recent weeks, men throughout so-called enlightened, liberal industries have been brought down by allegations of harassment and sexual assault.

The only thing that’s surprising is how many of the men who have long abused their power have gotten away with it in part by hiding it behind a sheen of progressive politics and claims of feminism.

Harvey Weinstein champions female directors, so how bad can he truly be? Mitchell Sunderland works at a feminist publication, so there’s no way he facilitates the harassment of women online.

Writers at leftist publications who have written about women’s issues and self-identify as feminist now stand accused of assault and rape. In public, they call themselves our allies, and in private, they reveal their true selves.

Yes, it’s hypocrisy, but it’s something more than that. Male feminists have long been a joke for both the right and the left. The alt-right, filled with men who identify as alpha or beta, call them cucks, meaning they are so far down on the scale of hierarchical masculinity they fall below women.

The power imbalance between the genders is built in from birth

On the left, there was such a widespread understanding that men who self-identify as feminists were doing it mostly to get laid that even Saturday Night Live has done a skit about it. They were performing as sensitive allies, but this was just to hide a darker truth: that men have not encountered feminism at all.

Sure, they took a class at their liberal arts college, they think it’s terrible what women have to go through with the catcalling and the unfair beauty standards, and they absolutely think it’s unfair some conservative Christian politician can deny a woman access to an abortion. They believe all the right things when it comes to women’s issues, but they still treat women as if they were objects there only for their sexual use.

What feminism should mean to men is not think this thing or vote this way. It’s not about using the right language to describe women, or learning a respectful behavior toward women on the street. It’s a project that needs to illuminate the dark, unconscious urges that power the violent behavior.

The power imbalance between the genders is built in from birth, and our cultural values (strength and power over empathy and softness) are transmitted through everything from entertainment to the news to our political structure.

It’s one thing to perform respect out in public. It’s another to fully understand, both consciously and unconsciously, that when you’re alone with a woman, she is a human with her own valid needs and desires. Alcohol and sexual desire has a way of bringing our unconscious beliefs out from under this veil of civility, showing us parts of ourselves even we didn’t know was there.

Feminism should be a spiritual awakening for men; it should be a revelation of the ways they have participated in the oppression of women in both public and private spheres.

It should show them the parts of themselves, their own feminine nature and their capacity for compassion and vulnerability, that they have dismissed as mere weakness, that need to be reclaimed. It is a psychological – even a spiritual – project, not merely a political one.

And until it is, feminism might as well not exist for men. That so few men even seem to realize this work is required does not bode well for the near future of masculinity.

The reports of harassment and assault will continue to roll in, and up and coming predatory men will replace the fallen predatory men. And men will continue to be surprised to discover that under their feminist T-shirt beats the heart of a predator.