Some men will stick their dick in anything, and this is the only fact evolution and police blotters agree on. The penis is a combination executive toy and override switch. Most men don't actually think with their dicks, because we're not sitcom characters, but we're aware of them in the same way an oil rig manager has to be aware of the drill -- whatever else they actually want to do with their life, that's what the hardware they're using was designed for.

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Because it's miles long and pounding down into the planet's deep wet spots, and possibly the only thing more phallic than a phallus.

But psychopaths ran out of things to enpenis about two hundred years ago and have been inventing new ones ever since. Most of them make the Saw movies look like infomercials for personal massagers.