Raiders rookie Hudson Young has opened up on the pain and anguish he experienced after “stupidity” cost him a shot at helping Canberra win an NRL premiership.

Young, 21, missed the 2019 finals campaign when he was suspended for eye gouging – his second offence in the space of a few short months.

His first eye gouge cost him five weeks, and when he did it again on the eve of finals he was rubbed out for a whopping eight weeks by the judiciary.

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Round 19

All up he copped 13 weeks’ worth of suspensions in his first proper season in the NRL and will miss the opening five rounds of the 2020 campaign.

The punishment was bad enough, but what cut deepest was sitting idly on the sideline as his Raiders lost a grand final thriller to the Roosters to watch a title slip away.

“It did mate, it f***ing ate at me for ages. It killed me sitting there having to watch the boys,” Young told foxsports.com.au on Tuesday.

“And facing the boys after I’d been suspended and knowing I couldn’t play in the finals and the first five weeks of this season, it kills me.”

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Canberra coach Ricky Stuart publicly supported his rookie forward but it was certainly made clear to Young he had let the club and his teammates down.

He addressed the staff and players after his second suspension to apologise.

But Young knows the only way to really redeem himself is to one day bring that cherished silverware back to the nation’s capital.

“I think it’s going to be at me for the rest of my career, being able to play in a grand final but not playing in it because of my stupid actions,” he said.

“It’s going to eat at me during this season, keep me motivated and focused on trying to win a comp for the Raiders.

“Sitting there watching the game, and after the game, it brings you to tears.

“Seeing how hard we worked all year, and seeing people like Josh (Hodgson) and Jack (Wighton) and Jarrod (Croker) in tears, it breaks your heart.

“Those boys have been at the club for a long time and it’s everyone’s dream to win a comp.”

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Since being suspended twice for the same offence Young can admit there were issues with his approach to the game.

He’s been working with Raiders staff in an effort to learn how to use his no-holds-barred approach in a legal, but effective, way.

“I think the first time I owned that mistake and wanted to get past it. Then it happens again I think there was obviously something there,” he said.

“I’ve looked a little bit deeper into things, I’ve worked closely with the coaching staff on a few different things.

“It was probably just getting away from footy, and that way when I come in here I’m giving my all in every session.

“There were a few things, like my aggression, that I’ve learned to control now and I’m keen to put it into practice.”

Young could have been starting the season as a starting backrower had he not been suspended.

John Bateman is out injured for the opening rounds and Stuart needs to find a fill-in on the right edge.