Olympia, Washington – Frontier Flight 873 crashed into a mountain killing 239 people this morning. After Captain Sean Salisbury suffered a massive heart attack, Jesus of Nazareth took over the controls. Capt. Salisbury was a devout Christian and always proclaimed, “Jesus is my co-pilot” which contractually obligated our Lord and Savior to fly the Boeing 767 in the event Capt. Salisbury was incapacitated.

Jesus, having less than 100 hours in the Boeing simulator, didn’t have the expertise needed to land the commercial airliner safely. Thousands of bereaved mourners asked our heavenly father how this could have happened. He issued this statement: