I’ve spent the past few weeks desperately sorting hundreds of pictures of Jo to archive, print off and put in albums. My objective was to have finished the project by the new year so that the kids have access to as many pictures of their mum as they want; playing with them, dashing around on the campaign trail, on holiday together.

Having spent way too long looking at pictures of her in the past few weeks, the thing that comes out in almost every photo is her spirit of generosity and kindness. Her smile is unmissable and unforgettable – even in the face of awful weather, precipitous rock climbs or on tough days. We miss her energy and positivity in our lives as much as anything.

So it’s hard to describe how strange it is to see her name used as a threat. Sadly it’s something that we’ve had to become used to with increasing regularity. Perhaps this shouldn’t come as a surprise. Extremists of all sorts seize on and glorify violence – they always have. But what has surprised us in recent weeks is Jo’s name being used as a threat by more mainstream voices.

At first it was individual MPs being threatened with her name.

Anna Soubry, a Tory MP harangued by far-right protesters on Monday, was threatened by a man who said she should be “Jo Cox’d”. The man responsible was jailed for eight weeks.

Helen Jones, Labour MP for Warrington North, was similarly threatened. A man holding a hunting knife said to social workers: “I’m going to go there and Jo Cox her.”

A third MP, Stella Creasy, received a threatening letter saying she would “join that woman cox”. The SNP politicians Stewart Stevenson and Angus MacNeil were told to “remember what happened to Jo Cox” – the person responsible in that case was prosecuted and fined.

Terrorism only succeeds when we let it. To act differently because of the actions of an extremist would be to vindicate their act

I could go on, but you get the picture. Across party and across beliefs, Jo’s murder is being used to try to intimidate, coerce and threaten MPs.

And then we started seeing it in newspapers. MPs are told by national commentators to remember before voting for or against a deal, or for or against a referendum, to remember what happened to Jo. Even some MPs and government ministers seem to be using the threat of violence as a warning to others to do their will.

I have no interest in telling MPs or anyone else how to vote. A second referendum, a no-deal scenario, a Norway option – all of them have major implications and will affect lives differently. There is no easy option. Nor do I play down the fear of those who worry about the impact on democracy of holding a new referendum.

But I am calling on MPs – and all people – not to be cowed by what happened to Jo.

Terrorism only succeeds when we let it. To act differently because of the actions of an extremist would be to vindicate their act. To say that politics can be shaped by violence.

I don’t care what you think about Brexit – whether you support no‑deal, another referendum, the prime minister’s deal – but whatever you back do it because you deeply believe in it. And please do not use Jo’s name as a threat.

If Jo’s name is to become a synonym for anything, it should be for her kindness, generosity, optimism and her fundamental belief that we have more in common than that which divides us. That’s what sums her up, that captures who she was and the spirit we’ll need more than ever when the current political decisions have played out.

• Brendan Cox is the widower of Jo Cox MP. He is the founder of The Great Get Together