If you're still miffed that your ex got the cats in the split, prepare yourself to be knocked over with a hairball. Comedic goddess, Sofia Vergara is currently in a custody battle with her own embryos. This is real.

Vergara, the hilarious star of "Modern Family" was already embroiled in a brutal legal battle with her ex, businessman Nick Loeb, over custody of her embryos when a right-to-live lawsuit was filed this Tuesday.

Even more what-the-effy: the two female embryos, or "Emma'' and "Isabella", as they're listed in the Louisiana court case, are the ones who filed the lawsuit against their, umm, "mom" for existence. All legal. It's worth noting that Louisiana is a traditionally pro-life state. In point of fact, just running an abortion ad can land you in jail doing hard labour for a year. So ixnay on the arketingmay, pro-choicers.

BTW, it is also illegal to steal an alligator in Louisiana. Seriously, you could end up doing a dime piece at "The Farm" (which is an actual prison farm that produces, you guessed it, cotton and corn, amongst other produce). Is it weird that I find the idea of hardened criminals farming cabbage charming? But more on point, if Vergara's embryos were alligators, the prosecutors wouldn't have an egg to stand on (sorry) and Loeb might already be plowing penitentiary produce.

It gets worse for Vergara. Loeb, who some may say puts the dic back in vindictive, wants the embryos carried to term in a surrogate of his choosing. That's the atomic equivalent of running into your ex and his new gf and she's wearing the hoodie you bought him. Except the hoodie is made up of your DNA and there is a signed contract saying your ex wasn't allowed to grow the tiny hoodlet into a full adult hoodie, let alone give it to another woman or her uterus without your consent.

When Vergara and Loeb hatched the plan (sorry again) to have kids back in 2013 when they liked each other a whole bunch they had the good sense to sign a written agreement that neither of them would be allowed to take action regarding the zygotes without the other's consent. Because why would either need access to the embryos in the case of a split anyway, right? This definitely adds another dimension to the concept of planned parenthood. Thanks for making breakups even messier, science. Also, maybe stop helping. I guess the price of scientific progress is you could still have a baby with your ex at any time. Side note: I'm having a panic attack just thinking about that.

Vergara's rep says this is all a ploy for vengeance and publicity, and was quick to clarify that Emma and Isabella aren't even true embryos, they're "frozen fertilized ova". The kicker? Loeb has gotten women pregnant in the past and terminated those pregnancies. So, his pro-life politics remain in question to some extent. Unlike the rights of alligator owners, which are clear and iron-clad.

This story originally appeared on Page Six.