Okay, five things:

1) Last night on Wheel of Fortune a contestant looked at the board in the video above, said “I’ll solve the puzzle,” and then proudly stated “I Have The Wine By Johnny Cash.”

2) “I Have the Wine” is not, to my knowledge, the title of a song Johnny Cash ever recorded. “I Walk the Line” on the other hand — the answer they were looking for — is both the title of one of his most famous songs and the title of a movie about his life starring Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon.

3) I have thought about this a lot since I saw it happen last night, and now I kind of wish Johnny Cash HAD made a song titled “I Have the Wine.” It could have been a sad tale about a hard-luck criminal who robbed a Wine & Spirits store, or a ballad about a priest who invites a troubled church member to confess his sins over a bottle of sacramental wine, or just a song about Johnny Cash, like, having a sh-tload of merlot. I don’t know, I’m not the artist here. I’m just a fan of Johnny Cash and songs about wine.

4) It would also be okay with me if one of you made a Weird Al-style parody of “I Walk the Line” called “I Have the Wine.” Here, I’ll get you started:

I keep a close watch on this jug of mine

I keep my eyes half-focused on the vines

I keep the cork out ’cause it saves some time

Because it’s mine, I have the wine

I’m sure you can handle it from there.

5) The last time I wrote about Wheel of Fortune I received a 600 word email from a furious superfan named Mario, who was upset at both my tone and “sheer unprofessionalsim,” that said “If you ever plan on writing anything about Wheel of Fortune again, please remain civilized, avoid any bias, don’t mention other TV shows if they weren’t involved, and get your facts straight (I or another fan from the forum I am a part of would be happy to answer any questions about the show if you have any).” I just wanted you all to know that.