I have said previously in this blog that I feel dysphoria worsens with age but I am now rethinking that notion. What I think happens instead is that we finally succumb to the years of pressure with increasingly weakened defenses.



By now your testosterone levels are lowering and you have grappling with your feelings likely since the age of 4 or 5. It's a long haul to get that far without some form of treatment method. We all have coping strategies but sometimes they stop working after a while.



I think what happens when we get older is we become less inhibited and realize that life is short. We place less importance on what people think of us and how we will be judged. Our kids are older and we are less concerned about how this will impact them.



All of this has happened to me when I was convinced it wouldn't. But here I am following in the footsteps of people whose websites I visited many years ago when I was trying to figure myself out. Because it's been so slow and organic it didn't feel it was a massive leap. It was.



Some of those people had transitioned but many had not. I now understand better why because there are no hard and fast rules here and people are as different as the stars in the heavens.



If you are still calling yourself an occasional crossdresser when this has been with you since earliest memory and you find it harder and harder to cope I beseech you to do something about it. This is not about betraying a loved one or letting someone down but about treating your condition. Find something that works for you but before that come out to your family and friends and allow them to help you do it. I am not convinced that someone who truly loves you wouldn't allow this. You may just find that the rejection you are expecting may be far less significant than you think while the release on your soul will be exponentially beneficial.



I remember my ex-wife telling me she went to see the head of the Montreal General gender identity clinic who told her that she should understand that this wasn't a choice for people like me. She understood the words but we ended up divorcing anyway as there were other issues at play. It wasn't my dysphoria that was the back breaker but it certainly didn't help either.



In the end it was the right thing for both of us.