Folks, it's with a heavy heart I inform y'all the insatiable land hunger of The Ohio State University is at it again. This time, university sachems are planning to bulldoze an iconic section of south campus in order to erect... MORE OFFICES.

Summer Cartwright of The Lantern reports:

The university announced plans on Tuesday to build an office for an optometry clinic and health science faculty located at 11th and Neil avenues. If approved, the construction of the project would demolish Adriatico’s, a popular campus pizza shop, University Flower Shop and Huntington Bank starting September 2018. The total cost of the 93,000 square-foot office is $28 million. According to Board of Trustees documents, its funding comes from university and auxiliary funds. University Flower Shop and Adriatico’s have long been part of campus. The flower shop has been on campus since 1932. Adriatico’s has been on campus for about thirty years.

As a former victim customer of Huntington Bank, I won't shed any tears about the loss of that financial institution. I can even overlook the loss of the University Flower Shop, which helped alleviate a stressful domestic situation back in the day, because flowers grow everywhere.

But Adriatico's, purveyors of objectively the best pizza in Columbus, is where I draw the line.

What has helped more people in America? A quack voodoo field like optometry, or pizza?

You can find office buildings on any campus in America. Yet, there is only one place to find Adriatico's and it's delectable square slices. Its humble, Swiss chalet-inspired architecture is what separates Ohio State's Columbus campus from one built in Sim City 2000 by a pimply-faced #teen.

And yet, Ohio State wants to bulldoze its history into history like a Midwestener looking to erase a lifetime of self-loathing and bad decisions by moving to "the Big Apple."

Wars have been fought over less. And if it's war Ohio State elders want, then they can find me chained to Adriatico's oven stuffing its beautiful pizza down my gaping maw.

UPDATE (2:40 p.m.): Adriatico's reponds:

Don't panic! Although the rumors are true that our current building will be replaced within the next year, we are working hard with... — Adriatico's Pizza (@AdriaticosCbus) October 31, 2017

...Ohio State and others to secure our new location for a seamless transition. We will keep everyone updated as soon as possible on all... — Adriatico's Pizza (@AdriaticosCbus) October 31, 2017

This is, of course, preposterous. It would be like Ohio State playing in Cleveland Browns Stadium, forever. It might be the same problem, but it loses luster by moving to a less historic venue. Shameful.