CLEVELAND HEIGHTS, OH—Despite not having published a new comic strip since December 1995, cartoonist Bill Watterson has reportedly taken the time every day since to write, pencil, hand-ink, and, out of spite, destroy a new installment of Calvin And Hobbes. "Wow, this might be one of the best yet," Watterson said as he completed his 5,689th strip of the past 16 years and then immediately fed it into a paper shredder. "I bet my millions of fans would really love this whole new direction for Spaceman Spiff. Oh, well, fuck them." According to sources, Watterson also spends a portion of his time calling comic strip syndicates to discuss publishing new material, only to abruptly announce, "Actually, that's never gonna happen," and hang up the phone.

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