Deep fear, an uncanny survival instinct, and a search for the core joy I knew had to be there were at the root of my existence for my first 60 years. Now, at 63 and just two months post-op, I am more fully experiencing life as the women I always knew myself to be.

At age four, I experienced a scolding from my family that taught me to hide my true self. It was the 1950s so I had no way to gain knowledge, to know there were others who felt as I did. Ashamed and fearful, I manipulated my environment so I could spend time being the girl I knew in my heart, but could not share with the world.

I did my best to live the life that was expected of me. I made the best of my situation. In college I met my soul mate. Before we were married she became the only other person who knew of my deep secret. We continue to have a strong commitment to each other which allows our 41 year marriage to survive my transition.

While I survived and had some success in life, I had issues that were driven by the need to hide my true self. Problems with addiction, stress on my relationships, and a loathing of myself had to be dealt with as I moved to transition.

After a bout with cancer I decided I could no longer hide, and the true healing began. I am clear of the cancer. A year later I dealt with the addiction issues. Then the process of matching my outside self to my inner self was able to truly begin.

I have experienced many wonderful things in life. Family, travel and a career that is satisfying and gave me the resources to help transition are among my many blessings. Now every day brings the opportunity to be the first transperson many folks meet or know. At work, in volunteer positions and in other organizations I get to pave the way for others who will follow. My greatest hope is that no 4 year old lives a life with the fear and pain that I did.

I am thankful for those pioneers that proceed me on this journey and made it possible for me to do so in a world that is changing for the better.