YOUNG ADVENTURER

YOUNG ADVENTURER

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to “Press Start”, a musical fundraiser where YOU can

help your favorite video game characters gain more lives and play on. I’m your host,

Young Adventurer With A Green Hat and Boomerang.

PRINCESS POMEGRANATE

And I’m Princess Pomegranate!

YOUNG ADVENTURER

(apologizing to the audience)

Sorry folks, Princess Peach was tied up this evening.

PRINCESS POMEGRANATE

Ahem! All these heroes are out of rings and out of lives. But with your help tonight we

can raise enough gold rings to allow us all to play on!

YOUNG ADVENTURER

You met the heroes, let’s meet their helpers…

MEGAKID

MEGAKID

Hey Little Mushroom, do you have the fundraiser script? I need to take a look at

something…

LITTLE MUSHROOM

Uh yea, I think I might have one in here somewhere. (she goes to look through her bag)

MEGAKID

Let me take a look.

(grabs the bag from her)

LITTLE MUSHROOM

Wait! No!

(MEGAKID fumbles around, then pulls out her tap shoes.)

MEGAKID

(look of confusion)

What are these?

LITTLE MUSHROOM

(embarrassed) Uh…nothing.

(MEGAKID takes them out, puts one on each hand, starts clapping them together and

tapping them on the ground.)

MEGAKID

Wow! These are fun! What do you call them?

MARCO THE PLUMBER and LITTLE MUSHROOM

LITTLE MUSHROOM (very positive, lots of energy)

Hey, Marco!

(no answer…she knocks again)

Marco, I know you’re in there, I can hear your crunching.

(no answer, she cautiously opens the imaginary door and lets herself in, she sees

MARCO slumped in the chair)

There you are! Hey want to go take the cart around the racetrack today…what do you

say?

MARCO

(dramatically)

What’s-a the point?! I’ve been out of play-a forever! Can you pass me that bottle of

ketchup?

LITTLE MUSHROOM

(reluctantly grabbing the ketchup and bringing it to him)

Here ya go…how many bottles of ketchup have you gone through? You gotta take it

easy on that stuff!

MARCO

(pouring ketchup on his potato chips)

Who-a cares, I have no rings, I have no-a lives…there’s nothing left…but ketchup!

LITTLE MUSHROOM

You know, just ‘cause you’re out of play doesn’t mean you have to stay all cooped up in

here.

MARCO

(breaking down into a crying tantrum)

Cooped up? Koop-as?! Oh, how I miss-a the Koopas!

SPEEDY THE HEDGEHOG

PRINCESS POMEGRANATE

Now I have to ask the tough question, that I’m sure is on everyone’s mind…how did

you all run out of lives?

SPEEDY

The truth is, staying alive is hard, hard work. Every time we’re in play we’re battling

terrible obstacles.

MARCO

Molton lava!

KARATE GUY

Taekwondo masters!

JOHN ELWAY

The New England Patriots!

SPEEDY

(acting confident)

But it’s no big deal, we’re well-oiled machines.

MEGAKID

(raising his hand)

Some of us, literally.

JOHN ELWAY

Yea, we’ve trained our whole lives for this stuff. Watch this…Marco, look out! Hammer

brothers everywhere, giant bullets coming right at you, a lava pit up ahead!

MARCO

(reacting quickly and acting out the imagined scene)

Dodge-a the hammers, jump on the bullet to launch over the lava! Wa-Hoo!!!

SPEEDY

Karate Guy! Two henchmen sneaking up behind you!

JOHN ELWAY

LITTLE MUSHROOM

(with a surprised jump)

Ah!! John Elway, you scared me! What are you doing here?

JOHN ELWAY

I thought I heard something…hey, what were you doing with your feet there?

LITTLE MUSHROOM

(trying to stand completely still)

Uh…um…nothing!

JOHN ELWAY

I may be an all-star MVP football player, but that doesn’t mean I don’t recognize a timestep

when I hear one.

LITTLE MUSHROOM

I…I….

JOHN ELWAY

You’ve got some serious talent there Little M! Please tell me you’re performing in the

show later.

LITTLE MUSHROOM

Just…just the sidekick number…

JOHN ELWAY

What?! With that talent you need a solo! Center stage! The audience will love it! Did

you even ask for a slot?

LITTLE MUSHROOM

No way, I could never – I’m just a NPC.

JOHN ELWAY

A what?

LITTLE MUSHROOM

A ‘Non-Playing Character.’ You know, a sidekick. Nobody really cares about us.

JOHN ELWAY

Take a knee, kid.

(LITTLE MUSHROOM, after a confused pause, kneels down on one knee. Cheesy

inspirational half-time music begins to play.)

When you’re facing 3rd and 10 in the fourth quarter down by two possessions it’s no

time to rely on the old playbook, ya gotta dig deep and go for the hail mary that could

put ya back in this….you know what I’m saying?

LITTLE MUSHROOM

I’m not following…

JOHN ELWAY

Like a good friend told me, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

PRINCESS POMEGRANATE

PRINCESS POMEGRANATE

Tonight’s show is broadcast throughout all the video game kingdoms, but we’re

especially excited about performing live, right here in Hunter River

YOUNG ADVENTURER

Because our sources tell us that your kids play more video games than anyone

else….anywhere! Parents, we thank you!

PRINCESS POMEGRANATE

Tonight is all about giving, and to help explain how you can participate, let’s welcome,

Evil Robot!

(EVIL ROBOT steps over to the Ringometer.)

EVIL ROBOT

(speaks like an evil robot)

To my left is the Ringometer 5000 – a machine I designed to take over the entire world!

Muahahaha!

PRINCESS POMEGRANATE

(scolding)

Evil Robot!

EVIL ROBOT

Just kidding. This machine tallies the rings that you donate. Our goal is 5,000 rings,

because that’s how many we need to earn enough lives for everyone.

PRINCESS

Have there been any rings donated so far?

EVIL ROBOT

here we are ask – ing you help us to – night. Come on and help us

You’ve got – ta help us, Come on and help us play on! Calculating…calculating…calculating…we have earned….(SFX)…..535 rings…which is 10.7 percent of our goal.

PRINCESS

We’re on our way!

YOUNG ADVENTURER

Now we know what you may be thinking; how did we get all these famous video game

characters together, in one room, for this special event?

PRINCESS

It all began one morning when the sidekick Little Mushroom went to check-in on her

hero, Marco the Plumber…

ALL OTHER CHARACTERS

Select ONE of the following monologues to memorize.

Kid Hero (Boy or Girl)

I’ve always dreamed of being a hero. I’ve tried everything to become super. I let a spider bite me… no spider powers; just lots of itching. I tried standing too close to the microwave oven hoping the radiation would change me. Nothing. And I got in trouble for making so many bags of popcorn. But I took it all to school and had a popcorn party. I was a hero that day. So I guess it kinda worked.

TIMMY/TAMMY

Timmy/Tammy tries to convince his mom that his messy room is not his fault.

Mom, it’s not my fault my room’s a mess! Me and Anthony were playing with his new racecars. Only four of them. And we heard a weird noise out- side, so we opened the window. This huge spaceship landed and a slimy, green alien with three heads came out and jumped in the window. Anthony tried to shoot him with my zapper gun, but it didn’t even hurt him — he just got real mad. So he knocked all the books off my shelf and picked up my toy box with his long, purple antennas and dumped it all over my room. So I threw a Frisbee at him and it bonked him on his third head and he slimed out the window and the spaceship disappeared into the sky. Geez, Mom, you should be happy I’m still alive!

LEE/LEAH

Lee’s/Leah’s dad is watching the news. Lee wants to watch cartoons instead.

Why do you watch the news every night, Dad? It’s boooooooring. It’s always the same. The news is just a bunch of guys talking. It’s JUST SO BORING! Can’t we watch the cartoon channel? Don’t you like to laugh? I feel like my head is going to explode all over this room I’m so bored—Pow! Splat! Smush! Here, I’ll be the news guy: “Tonight everyone is very boring in the whole world. The whole world is boring and bunch of other guys said boring things and the weather is boring. Have a boring night. I’m boring. Good night.” That’s it! I just did the news for you. Now you don’t have to watch it! Let’s watch cartoons!

ADDY/ANDY

Addy/Andy fell asleep while chewing gum. Now it’s stuck in her hair!

(Screams.) Look what happened! Oh no, oh no, oh noooooo! What am I going to do? It won’t come out! No, Mom, you can’t cut my hair! There must be another way! This is all Daddy’s fault. He gave me that Hubba Bubba gum. Two whole pieces! I can’t help that I fell asleep. My hair will be way too short if you cut it! Can’t you wash it out? Isn’t there anything we can do? I don’t want to lose all my hair!