The pun-ter continues-

So here you are again reading a few words or maybe even a rant that I’ve somehow through all odds put together again. You will most likely never find any constructive use for any of the thoughts proposed in what you’re about to read. Just warning you! So yes by the tone of writing you can probably tell that I’ve been half heartedly wondering why you’re coming here. Not sure if writing has tone but meh, you get the idea.



-Route murdering training accessory no #1

I want to thank my readers for coming here and checking out my pictures and writings first and foremost!

After drinking 4 coffee’s and dumping 500 mg of Adrafinil I’ve come up with some proper (or actually maybe improper) logics about why you may be here. It has come down to either two things. My conclusions are: you’re genuinely hoping that I succeed in my “Quest”, because you personally know me and have seen my struggle, feel empathy or share a similar goal; Or, the latter in which it could be your sneaky evil side – yes everyone has those dark feelings of gloat that make you want to see people or in this case me, fail!

You could well subconsciously be hoping that this ”Quest” ends in misery and inherent internet humiliation. You want to see the suffering that failure exudes especially for some smart bitch, no shirt wearing, beard growing #adventurelife, climbing want-to-be elitist.

You know what I say to that: “Only god can judge me.”

That’s obviously a joke. Because for no.1 I’m smart enough to know there is no proof of god and so therefore I don’t believe in such radical things, and for no.2 – anyone can judge me; they can also judge me however they like and I am actually totally cool with that.

So I hope that this outlet for my egotistic photographic and writing excellence can be your outlet for either filling voids of inspiration and connectedness to a shared passion and also a place for people to cringe and fill their dark and unknown inner dungeons of hate.

I do hope you see and feel the love I put into this, whether it’s disconnected and obsolete to you, you will be able to interpret that it is rather something incredible to me.. This climbing thing!



-“The Hands are still the focus!”

I’m no psychologist so I’ll quit my very rookie attempt at psycho-Analysing my audience (see what I did there chhhh!) and stop trying to validate or rationalise in writing why I want to write a blog or take photos. Because we both know that writing and taking selfies are about as vain as it gets. So I think without boring you, we should just start getting to the goods, with or without reason. We can start with how a few things have been going for me:

-The training



-9pm sessions

I am now currently in phase #2 of my original plan. And to be concurrent with my life in general that plan has changed a little. I’ve found that developing a sense of what to do at the time, from what you are feeling at that time can be a deciding factor for getting stronger and or moving forward.

I had an instance after a full days climbing when I had set up my hangboard with all intentions of thrashing my fingers and upper body to the max and I’d get quarter the way through my designated workout and think “No this is not good” and stopped. There is a difference between thinking “No this is not good for me” or “Fuck this – I actually can’t be bothered”. These feelings I get from my body or mind seem to be easily confused with each other. Over time using a trial and error type methodology, I’ve begun to understand it better for myself. I do not use a stop watch, only a table of sets/reps that I’m meant to achieve in that session, I also hate the thought of bounding myself with restrictions of time. I find it takes away the intimacy of training and feelings associated from it!

It is utterly strange the rewards I’ve had from making a weird looking wooden board that was thankfully made from free wood from the local hardware store, and also the self satisfaction of creating and following my own training regime. Who would have known that doing such a strange activity could yield such enjoyment!?

It seems this game to me is like a really intense Rubix cube session that you feel, deeply and intimately with your own body. Without effort the problem remains unsolved. Although unlike swapping coloured blocks around an ever revolving square you can imagine instead chucking the downy and hardshell on for a dark 7-8pm post climb session, hanging on the side of the van in the cold and misty Katoomba rain, feels pretty damn “Rocky Balboa” if you ask me!

The even more rewarding -“Balboa” feelings are had when topping out routes that I know I’d previously been on struggle town with before. Especially when powering through crux sections weightless with power to spare. I love the cheeky smiles to myself at the top of the route being happily surprised and thinking -“fuck yes, I absolutely fucking nailed that shit, yeeeeehheeeee!” and coming down hell nonchalant and handing over fist bump glory to your faithful and also stoked belayer!

That’s what it’s all about, send glory or maybe even the whole package. I guess you can’t have one without the other!

-The Diet



-“Thanks to Magic Sauce I’ve only lost 2kg”



So I’ve only lost 2kg and not the 5kg I had originally intended to. I achieved this massive weight loss through a food creation that I created in my underground but above ground protein crack van. It was kinda like that scene from Breaking Bad but just in a regular van and not mixing up blue meth but brown cocoa proteinz. It has pretty much been my saviour and probably my best life achievement to date other than breaking and still holding the pancake eating record at Mr Pancakes in Tonsai in 2012 – boooyahhh!

This high-protein low-carb recipe is kind of like a low-carb dieteers crack protaine. You can imagine people hitting this brown sticky icky up in the dark, fog drowned, benevolent streets in Katoomba’s later night hours. Word on the street is -“it’s off the railings”

I do have some magic sauce disciples or some would say cronies and they do refer to it as “Adyns special sauce” – personally I think that name is a bit too ostentatious so I’d personally rather it be known as “Magicoco Sauce”. If you see any scruff neck dirtbags slingin this stuff around the crags and they’re referring to it as “cocoloco’s” or “mitso-cocos’s” I’d be wary as it’s most likely cut with way to many peanuts.

I’ve heard of a bunch of numpties trying to mix this up in their backyards using old bath tubs and toilet bowls and blowing themselves up. Idiots forgot the peanut butter goes in last!

So how are you going to get your hands on the stuff!? Well your best option is to wait till the original recipe is released and until then I’d steer clear from backyard baked knock-offs as best you can. Taking this weak and dangerous crap could give bad sugar induced come downs and could lead to nasty withdrawal symptoms.

I mix only the most pure batches of “Magicoco Sauce” known to mankind with over 40gms protein, 13gms of fat and 6gms of carbs per 200gm serving (enough to douse 3-4 bananas or carrots) this stuff will have your abs as rip-munted as the last years Stereo-Sonics most shredded shirts off pleb-leb music festival douche award winner.. Fuuuckin sentence!

The recipe will be featured on CruxDepartments facebook sometime in the near future so be sure to keep your eyes peeled like “Magicoco’s” best friend the BANANA… HAHAHA good one mayyyte! Enough of that dickhead lets get to-

-The climbing… oh the climbing!



-Crimps dyno crymps dyno and hoorah! (photo- Travis Foster)

So I didn’t know how to break this to you so I figured I’d leave it till last……………I FUCKING SENT!

Yeah buddy, I sent my first 8a project and that photo above is actually myself on my second 8a project, which I also sent a couple of days ago. The first 8a took me 6 shots I think.. wasn’t actually counting TBH. But anyway, it did go with little to no blood, sweat or tears shed. Reason being is that I wasn’t on my period at the time, I also don’t sweat much since it’s pretty much below zero everyday here and crying… well I haven’t cried since I was 4 years old when my dad left so why on earth would I start crying on my first 8a!?



-“The light is the jugs and the crimps are the tunnel” (photo- Travis Foster)

By- Very Deep Quote Master





Here you will find my very unorthodox but great pre-project send regime:

4 days out- Climb, Endurance hangboard, enduro pro-wank

3 days out- Morning strength pro-wank, rest, night enduro pro-wank

2 days out- Morning hangboard that is strength orientated, have lunch at an all you can eat bufffet, go to a rave party for 11 hours that night, endurance dancing.

1 day out- Big breakfast after raving (footlong sub), morning light-handed pro-wank (just to get blood flow) sleep all day, wake at night, have protein rich “Magic sauce”, maximal enduro pro-wank, sleep all night. (Approx 20 hour sleep, valium can help!)

Project day– Protein shake and cornflake breakfast, watch porn for 1 hour (strictly no pro-wank as this will fatigue forearms and drain 4 days worth of wank psych stores), triple shot coffee, listen to Cypress Hill’s -”Rap Superstar” while driving to the crag then yes I’m about as ready as I’ll ever be to sending proj!

If sending ensues, then by all means post send celebratory wank that afternoon till completion as many times as I want… yes I’VE EARNED IT!

What is PRO-WANKING!? So I read this article years and years ago and apparently It’s a technique that early 90’s NFL players used in the lead up to big games. You wank right until you’re about to finish and then stop. A technique that is very hard to master but apparently gives players increased test levels and makes players “hungry to kill”. I think it may be from building up massive amounts of sexual angst or something. Who knows about the actual science but anyway it works on rock, I tried it!

Also, just to clear something up. Some people around the mountains have been spreading rumours that I practice wank-boarding, which is meant to be some new training formula that I’ve created and been trying to keep a secret from other aspiring 8a’ers. Just going to say “that’s total bullshit. My hangboard and wank sessions remain completely separate and I would advise you to never combine the two!”

To all the lovers – I love you and to all the subconscious haters – I love you too. I hope by creating this blog I’ve helped you by giving you something and whatever that is I don’t know but I hope you take all you need!





– Beard progression

Peace and Big Love goes out to all who helped me and put up with my dickheadness, yew!-

-Travis Foster for catches, action shots and bringing mad hype daily

-Elliot Vercoe for working the route with me and giving me the send catch

-Cairo Hazel for telling me where the 2 softest 8a’s were located in the mountains 😉

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