Say what you want about Donald Trump, but dammit this man knows how to make a hat. Check out his post-election victory lid.

People are going to buy that. I am going to buy that. It’s like buying a Cubs hat with the World Series logo on the side. That “45” is an outright power move. Trump probably pulled the trigger on ordering ten thousand of those right around the time Florida was called. They aren’t on sale yet, but I’m ordering five as soon as they’re available and forcing my family to take a white trash group photo with all of them on Christmas. We’ll make Sally and Carl Gardner across the street take the photo. They voted for Jill Stein. I’ll be smiling because of their tears.

Thank God I’m not sitting here writing a story about, I don’t know, a beret with “USA” and “45” stitched on the side of it had Clinton won.

Just kidding. “USA” is a microaggression, and no Democrat would ever risk riling up their base over something as offensive as patriotism..