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The Ontario government announced its long-foretold changes to the province’s retail market in beer on Wednesday. In prepared statements, Premier Kathleen Wynne and Finance Minister Charles Sousa used words like “modernizing,” “convenience,” “choice,” “opportunities for small brewers” and “economic growth.” What they actually unveiled, in a 195-page “master framework agreement” with three major breweries — Labatt, Molson and Sleeman, which are co-owners of The Beer Store, a privately held near-monopoly — is on the face of it nothing less than a cry for help.

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This document is to modernizing Ontario’s liquor retail and helping out small brewers and consumers as John Hinckley trying to assassinate Ronald Reagan was to impressing Jodie Foster.

Two big changes are coming down the pipe. One is that supermarkets will now be allowed to carry beer. This, we knew. We also knew that the price of any given bottle would remain uniform across the province; and we knew supermarkets would not be allowed to carry beer in package sizes larger than six, or to offer a volume discount — that being The Beer Store’s (nearly) exclusive privilege. So 24 bottles will cost around 20 per cent more at a supermarket than at The Beer Store.