The other night, Jess and I were hanging out at our place with a few of our girlfriends. After some very serious conversations about dinosaurs (I still can’t get over the fact that Raptors had feathers…damn you, Jurassic Park for screwing me up for life!) and bowel movements (yes, not only do we poop, but we talk about it too), we got onto the topic of relationships.

This unfaltering topic came up because one of my girlfriends just started seeing a new guy who is awesome, and things between them have been going very awesomely so far (he surely isn’t in any of the Dudes We’ve Dated categories!). She even met this awesome guy that things are going very awesomely with online, so hey, there’s even more awesomeness going around as it gives hope to the rest of us suckers who are still trudging through the not-so-awesome trenches of Plenty of Freaks or OKStupid.

But even though things are going awesomely with Mr. Awesome, my friend can’t help but hold onto a slight fear that she won’t be able to fully get over her ex, therefore denying this new relationship the shot it truly deserves. Even though her and her ex broke up over a year ago now, and have had little to no communication (aside from the obligatory happy birthday on their respective days), she still feels a connection with him and this frustrates her. After hearing her out, one by one the rest of us in the room told her we actually feel the same way for one of our own exes. And like her, even though enough time has passed since we all split from them, we still feel we are holding onto our exes with this sense of hope that perhaps one day, our paths will cross again, the stars will align and monkeys wearing gold suits will fly by on magic carpets, singing, “I Will Always Love You”, all the while juggling ostrich eggs in between hand stands.

Or well, something along those lines anyway.

But, all monkey business aside, this made us realize that even though there is a serious (and I’m talking SERIOUS) societal pressure for people who break up with other people to get over those people A-SAP, I just don’t think that’s how this whole break up thing works. I split up with my ex roughly two years ago, and as hard as I try, I can’t entirely shake the man. I sometimes have dreams about him; I sometimes wonder as I’m slipping into my stretchy pants to run out to the store to get a slurpee and a pack of SmartFood Popcorn if this will be the day I run into him. And for a very, very long time, I’ve been beating myself up about these thoughts – making myself feel like a pathetic fool for still caring about him.

But, and I ask all of you out there in the bloggersphere, is it really that wrong to still care about a person that I once shared my life with? To still wonder about a person that was the closest to me in this entire world for a point in my life? We are told to “Liv and let die”, but can we? I’m going to finally allow myself to admit what I’ve been feeling this entire time: no.

I don’t know why people that mourn their past relationships are instantly lumped into the category of “crazy” (and I will add this labelled is intensified if the bearer is a woman). Why we are expected to “move on” and “get over it” once we break up with someone we care about, is beyond me. I will go so far to say that I don’t think we ever get over it.

I think we just learn to accept it better, and with time, the memories of why you cared about that person so much in the first place start to fade, making it just a little bit easier; and then, even their face starts to fade. And then you carry a whole new type of sadness – one that comes with the realization that that person is truly no longer in your life.

But I guess that’s how it goes.

And that’s really okay. Because then you’re prepared for when you love someone again; you’ve got a Swiss Army knife of been-there-done-that emotions, and you have a better understanding of how to handle those emotions when they’re fired up. And that’s a really, really good thing.

So why did I want to share this with you all? Well, it helped me hearing that I was not alone. When my girlfriends were all nodding in agreement, it made me feel human. It turned the “you’re crazy” mutters to myself to mute, even if just momentarily. So I thought, there has to be more of us out there, lurking in dark corners…just waiting to disturb people with our endless emotion (gross). And if I am right on that fact, I hope you too feel comfort in knowing you’re not alone. You now have a crazy, anonymous chick that talks about poop with her girlfriends from the internet feeling the same way you do – and isn’t that just inspiring?!

Yaaaaa, I knew it.

– Liv