Recently, my husband and I were talking about the situation with the google memo, the man that got fired, and the lawsuit that is following, and I realized he got frustrated very quickly. Long after I believed the conversation was over, he was still frustrated, and when I finally got him to open up, he talked to me about how it bothers him to think that just because he side’s with him, people might view him as a sexist.

I said “I don’t think you’re a sexist, and I don’t think he’s a sexist!”

He said, “I know, but as a dude, It just feels like I can’t express my opinion anymore without being labeled a sexist.”

My husband is a very analytical person. He doesn’t base his opinions on brash emotional bias, and he is the most caring, selfless, chivalrous, NOT sexist person I’ve ever met.

While he’s mentioned these situations before when they happen, he went on to talk to me about times in his life throughout the past few years where, given the current climate of the US, his opinion was dismissed because he was male.

ANECDOTE: He recently had a class at university where he was meant to write a paper about toxic masculinity (not kidding, I remember when he wrote the paper), and he needed a real life example. In an act of defiance, he wrote his paper on the video gaming culture in our dorm, about how lots of guys, and a few girls, would all sit in the common room and have LAN parties, and he watched them one day and documented that they were all being kind to each other and to the present women, and generally providing a safe environment.

His teacher commented on his paper that this wasn’t a proper example because gamers are a different type of people who were also oppressed by toxic masculinity, almost implying that gamers like weren’t officially men.

THIS IS TRUE. I LIVED THROUGH HIM EXPERIENCING THIS.

And thinking about this experience makes me incredibly sad for him.

I, as a 23 year old woman, have never experienced bias in the workplace, I’ve never been harassed on the street (perhaps I’m just ugly or don’t wear hot enough clothes, but that’s beside the point), I’ve never been treated badly for saying no to a date, I’ve rarely been catcalled, and Google is making quotas so that it’s easier to hire me there. I personally think that’s sexist, to believe that I need some sort of allowance to work at google because I otherwise wouldn’t be hired, BECAUSE THERE MIGHT BE A MAN THAT’S, I DONT KNOW, BETTER AT THE JOB. And that’s completely ok to me if someone gets a better job because they’re better.

My husband said to be “You won’t hear me say this again, but it’s not as easy being a guy as everyone says.”

And I 100% believe that.

I can’t imagine what it must be like to have teachers dismiss my opinion in class. To not be given a chance at a job or a spot in a university because of my gender, even if I’m the most qualified.

He’s incredibly intelligent, and he is in school to become a professor, and he has told me before that he’s Scared to be a teacher because he’s afraid if he says one wrong thing, a female student will report him for sexism, which has happened to one of his favorite male professors before, and almost faced a baseless lawsuit.

He is interested in possibly dabbling in politics one day, and I’m scared that he’ll run against a “Hillary Clinton” or a “Barack Obama”, and won’t win because people will just vote for a woman or a black man over a white man because of race or gender.

I am not saying white men have it worse than others. That would be dumb.

What I’m saying is, it doesn’t seem super easy, and it makes me sad to know that men have these worries, and if you agree with me, please let me know. I want to let him and other men that have these same fears know they’re not alone.