One of the keys to a healthy, long-term relationship is maintaining physical intimacy. I’m not just talking about sex, though—for many reasons, non-sexual physical intimacy is just as important. For one thing, touch is a form of communication. It can reveal everything from your partner’s current mood state to their stress level. In addition, touch stimulates the release of oxytocin, a hormone involved in feelings of bondedness. Touch can therefore bring you closer to your partner both physically and psychologically.

Touch is so vital for relationship success that it has become a cornerstone of most sex therapy programs for couples. Masters and Johnson, the founders of the modern sex therapy movement, recognized this nearly a half-century ago, which is how sensate focus (a couple’s exercise that involves promoting relaxation through non-sexual touch) came to be a standard therapeutic technique [1]. It may surprise you to learn that many sexual problems can be solved through this kind of touch alone, without the need for any medication or psychotherapy. For sexual problems that result from stress, anxiety, or a lack of communication, touch can not only serve as a powerful remedy, but it can also make it less likely that such problems will emerge or become serious in the first place.

Unfortunately, many people find that the amount of touch in their relationship declines over time, which can sow the seeds of discontent and contribute to sexual difficulties. So what can you do if you find this happening in your own relationship? Take a cue from the science and find a way to interject more touch into your love life. How? There are many ways to do this, but my go-to advice for a good starting point is typically massage—but not the kind where you make an appointment at the spa, rather, I’m talking about a massage that you give with your own hands.

However, a lot of people don’t know how to give massages particularly well. For example, some people press too hard or in the wrong area, which has the potential to be irritating instead of relaxing. So, consider learning some massage techniques before you begin—trust me, your partner will thank you.