You're an undercover cop assigned to get the goods on an alleged prostitution ring. You get approval to have sex in the course of your investigation, approval from your supervisor and your wife, for crying out loud.

You do what you're told. You get blow jobs. You go all the way, once. Maybe.

Then you get fired.

Info police sex stings

That's what happened to Beaumont police officer Keith Breiner. He was suspended from the force July 21 after an assistant police chief found out about the activity.

Beaumont PD isn't talking, but Breiner's attorney, Larry Watts, is. There's a hearing scheduled August 12 on an injunction seeking his client's job back.

"My son, who's an attorney, said, 'Dad, I thought you usually represented people who got fired for not doing their jobs,'" Watts tells Hair Balls. "This is the first time I've represented someone fired for doing theirs."

It was tough work, but Breiner was up to it. After he checked with his wife of 12 years.

"The wife understood it was not an act he was engaging in for any other reason than his employment and for the public safety," Watts says. Since the investigation was intended to lead to felony charges, she thought it was worth it.

(And that's all we'll say about that, being married and all.)

Eventually, the investigation was cut short, after a half-dozen or so blowjobs ("there may have been one 'active coitus,'" Watts says). We're sure Breiner was eager to continue the case.

Two women were arrested, made bond and disappeared. The pimps were never charged.

"Same old story — the guys get off and the women go down," Watts says.

In a statement with many layers.

Old and In (and Out) of TDCJ

The Texas Department of Criminal Justice has released its annual report; as always, it's a cornucopia of miscellaneous details describing just how our state is doing in putting people behind bars.

The great criminal-justice blog Grits for Breakfast will no doubt have the best analysis of the 152,661 guests of the state; the blog notes that "TDCJ received 73,525 new prisoners in FY 2007 and released 72,032, representing significant growth but a much slower rate than in recent years."

We like to look for other details.

Who's the oldest person to get sent to TDCJ in the last fiscal year?

Corban Henry Wyatt, 88 years old, from Taylor County, is our winner. Convicted of sexual assault against a child, for crying out loud, he received a life sentence. (No shit.)

Oldest woman? Seventy-four-year-old Betty Lou Fennell, who got six months for drug possession. Seventy-four and you're going away for six months? For possession, not dealing? Where's house arrest when you need it?

As for the newly freed, we have James Terry Bray of Midland. After serving five years for possession, he's a free man. At 87 years old, we hope he enjoys himself.

Nina Faye Andrews of Grayson County also is out after five years for possession. At 79, she might have a little more time than Bray. IF SHE PUTS AWAY THE PIPE.

Come on, grandma.

The Mayor's Right; Houston Is Never, Never Trendy

Mayor Bill White got some publicity recently when he told The New York Times the reason Houston really, really sucks at recycling is because Houstonians are skeptical of anything that appears to be oversold or exaggerated. Or things that are trendy or hyped-up.

Some Houstonians, it turns out, are skeptical of obviously lame excuses.

At any rate, we were intrigued by White's analysis that Houston refuses to do stuff just because other places are doing it, even if it might be all hype.

The record truly supports his theory, if by supports you mean doesn't support.

Let's look at the trendy, overhyped, oversold or exaggerated things Houston as a city has stoically refused to get involved in.