(Photo Courtesy: IWLCA)

I watch lacrosse all year ’round. It comes with the territory here at Inside Lacrosse. The sport has grown so much since I last took the field for Syracuse in 2010, and with all of the new rules, growth of the game coast-to-coast, increased media and television exposure, professional women’s lacrosse opportunities and beyond, I think — as a sport — we’re in the midst of a Golden Age.

But, of course, like anything — with the good sometimes comes the bad. Before the IWLCA pioneered its groundbreaking NCAA recruiting legislation, the recruiting process was spiraling out of control, for players, parents and coaches, alike. While I do think the pressure has been somewhat alleviated for these young players rising in the high school ranks, I’m not quite sure the recruiting environment as a whole has really taken that step back yet. Tensions still seem as high as ever.

This summer, I’ve had the opportunity to watch a lot of lacrosse. Players and parents have been everywhere — and college coaches fill the sidelines of these tournaments. I’ve been coaching my rising sixth-grade team, and in between games I often just wander from field to field to watch some of the high school-age teams competing. Some of the nation’s top club programs and players are on-site — what better way to pass the time than to watch them go head-to-head?

I’ve seen talent — boy, have I ever. It actually blows me away how talented young players are these days. And fast — you guys are so, so fast. I’ve noted sportsmanship, encouragement, players treating one another and their parents with respect, both on and off the field.

Sadly, I’ve seen quite the opposite, as well.

I’ve witnessed players yellow-carded off of the field for talking back to the referees — one player in particular, cursing repeatedly. I’ve overheard parents verbally harassing referees from the sidelines — bullying behavior. I’ve seen club coaches storm the fields in dispute of calls, cursing and receiving yellow cards themselves. I’ve seen aggressive play that was out of control. I’ve witnessed players screaming at their teammates in frustration.

All the while, surrounding me are the very college coaches whose eye most of these players are hoping to catch.

What I have witnessed at some of these tournaments are not isolated behaviors in my experience. Unfortunately, many players and parents are successfully grabbing the attention of these coaches for the wrong reasons.

As a member of the lacrosse media, I’m not recruiting you — or your child. But through my time as Women’s Editor here at IL, I’ve forged many relationships and friendships with college, club and high school coaches. Of late, I’ve had far too many conversations about the highs and lows of summer lacrosse with these coaches and how now more than ever college coaches are recruiting players and families, alike.

A few weeks ago, my colleague Ty Xanders posted a series of Tweets that I think are worth everyone’s set of eyes. Those of you who follow me on Twitter know that I’m not very active — but his messages struck a chord in me, so I felt the need to chime in.

Through the fourth weekend of the 2018 circuit (in my 10th summer covering recruiting) and can't help myself from going on this rant about a few topics. Let the thread begin... — Ty Xanders (@tyxanders) June 25, 2018

Players: make the little plays - they'll get you noticed & recruited just as much as the bigger and more obvious ones that everyone sees. To use a baseball analogy (sorry), focus on getting a few singles rather than trying to hit home runs. RELAX! — Ty Xanders (@tyxanders) June 25, 2018

Entirely agree! I’ll add one more: players and parents—lay off the referees! Complaining, verbally harassing & downright bullying these men & women who are helping us grow this game will get you no where. On the contrary, it will likely get you crossed off any coach’s list. — Halley Griggs (@hqgriggs) June 25, 2018

Afterwards, I picked up the phone and Ty and I spoke at length about some of the behaviors we’d seen in just the first few weeks of summer lacrosse. It’s that conversation why I ultimately decided to pen this article, and why I decided to reach out to college coaches spanning all three divisions to provide some of their insight on what they’ve witnessed and what they’re looking for at these tournaments.

I asked them to submit quotes anonymously — though one has requested his name be attached to his sentiments.

“After 25 years of years of recruiting at high school games and summer club tournaments, I definitely have a love-hate relationship with it. I still love going to games and watching the kids play as well as connecting with high school, club, and college coaches I may not have seen in months. I love the relationships I have developed during my time associated with this sport. It is truly a gift. I don’t have a job. I have had an amazing opportunity to continue my participation in lacrosse, recruit and teach some amazing young women, and somehow get paid to do it. It’s pretty awesome and I am incredibly grateful for this life I have! However, nothing is ever perfect. There are always things we dislike. For me it’s simple – the thing I hate most is often the behavior I witness at the events I recruit at. If you see me watching a game, it’s usually down at the corner of the field, away from the fans. Don’t get me wrong, I know we are dealing with the 80/20 rule here – 80% of the fans are great and cheer on their daughter and her teammates. However, the 20% is getting louder and more obnoxious every year. First of all, get trained and go officiate before you yell at an official. I have been an official and it is not an easy task. Half the time I listen to you yelling and you are FLAT OUT WRONG and actually don’t understand the rule you are shouting about. It should be embarrassing to you, it actually is very embarrassing to your daughter, and it is infuriating to those of us who make this our professional career, as well as a lot of the other parents around you. I have often wanted to ask this simple question, “WHY? Why are you acting like that?” Because, the second thing you should know is that if I can identify who your daughter is on the field I am crossing her off of my recruiting list. I don’t coach at Top 5 DI school where I may have to deal with you if your daughter is one of the best players in the country. The majority of college coaches know there are a lot of players who can play for their program – so we don’t have to recruits players with parents who yell and berate officials, the other team, or worst of all, your daughter’s own teammates. If you are acting like an idiot in a meaningless summer tournament, what is your behavior going to be like if I recruit your daughter and we are playing in an NCAA playoff game? Finally, put all the recruiting stuff aside, and it is simply a lack of class and sportsmanship. We don’t need that in our game, and I for one don’t want that in my program. We need integrity. Our sport has a reputation of being elitist with a bunch of spoiled, entitled kids playing the game. Unfortunately, all you have to do is take a walk around any summer tournament and you can understand, just from observing some of the behavior of the fans, why lacrosse has this stereotype. We all have to do our part to speak out and eliminate this toxic behavior.

As for players, here is my advice to you. Just play the game focusing on what you can control. If I see you arguing calls with officials, I’m not interested in you. If you are wasting time arguing a call you are not doing what you should be doing which is actually focusing on playing the game. Show me your mental toughness by never being affected by a call. Show me your commitment to your teammates by always kharma-ing their success rather than being focused on your own. Show me you are the type of player I would want in my program by listening to your coaches during the game and not your parents or any other fans. In fact, show me your incredible focus by not even looking or acknowledging anyone who isn’t directly involved in the game during game-time. And of course, show me your hustle and positive attitude no matter what the score. Do those things and I guarantee you a lot of college coaches are going to want you on their teams.”

—Dennis Short, Rollins College Head Coach

“Like any coach, I am seeking exceptional players that are athletic and demonstrate skills on the field, but what has become more and more of a focus at these tournaments for me and my staff is finding players and families that respect the game and human beings associated with it. Coaches are becoming less and less likely to take a chance on a player if it’s going to cause problems for them or their program in the future. Coaches' livelihoods are obviously impacted by 18-21-year olds and their character will impact their team in some way. What has become a priority for me and for many of my colleagues, is vetting the parents and their demeanor during games as they too now impact our lives. I find myself paying much more attention to how the players and parents interact with their coaches, the officials and their opponents on the field than I have in the past. If parents can’t respect the game or the ones who are providing the opportunity to play, then I find it hard to believe that their sportsmanship and demeanor will change once their child is in college.

There is nothing more frustrating to watch than an official being belittled by parents and coaches every time the whistle blows against their child’s team. This is happening in summer tournaments where there isn’t even a championship game being played. It’s just a game and I assure you your kid isn’t going to lose a scholarship if the official makes a bad call. Between parents and coaches, we are driving new officials right out of the game, in youth and in college. I would be a hypocrite to say I haven’t acted in an inappropriate way toward officials when I first got into coaching, but I grew up. It is not good for the game and poor sportsmanship trumps any talent in my opinion. Simply put, I will not recruit a player who demonstrates poor sportsmanship, nor will I continue recruiting a player whose parents can’t respect the game and the personnel managing it.”

—Division II Head Coach

“Last weekend during a game I witnessed a hard foul that blindsided a player, leaving her down on the ground for minutes before her coaches helped her walk off the field. What was so memorable about this instance was not the foul itself, but that the player who committed the foul never even checked to see if she was okay and instead walked away looking disappointed a foul was even called. While watching games, when I witness an athlete on the field asking an opponent “Are you okay?” or helping someone up who they fouled, I immediately write down a positive note about that player. That being said, the opposite is also true. Sure, the great players get noticed, but those who practice good sportsmanship do too!”

—Division I Associate Head Coach

“All too often I am witnessing these behaviors and I wonder why parents feel it is okay to behave this way on the sideline? Being a fan doesn't entitle you to coach your child from the sideline nor does it give you the right to berate officials and other parents. It is an embarrassment. Being a fan means that you will be supportive, inspire the athlete and cheer when you see great play. You are supposed to be there to support your daughter's love for the game and it should be fun for her. She shouldn't be scared of how her parents will respond to her play on the field or the officials' calls. We have the right to be selective when we recruit, we are going to choose parents who are positive and supportive because we know the athletes' attitudes typically reflect their parents' behavior. Remember who you are there for — yourself or her?”

—Division I Head Coach

Players — these coaches are looking for skill, sure. But, quite frankly, there’s so much talent out there now that what’s even more important is your sportsmanship, coachability and how you carry yourself both on and off the field. Parents — all eyes aren’t on your daughters at these tournaments. Coaches are watching you, how you communicate from the sideline, how you interact with your daughter’s coaches and more.

I’ll echo what Dennis Short said above — I agree this is an 80/20 situation. Most games I’ve seen are flat-out fun to watch because of the talent level coupled with the hustle and sportsmanship that any college coach would be happy to have on their roster. But too many times these behaviors are overshadowed by the boorish behavior of players, parents and coaches.