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This Thread Brought To You By The Letters C & L:

In Case You Missed It Dept.:

Steve Harvey appeared with Donald Trump at Trump Tower in New York, where he enlisted his help in Trump's plan to help rebuild America's inner cities. On the same day that Steve Harvey backed Trump, Nicole Kidman vowed to support Trump. They're the first two celebrity deaths of 2017.

Attorney General Loretta Lynch came to Chicago Friday to announce a probe finding that the Chicago police are racist. It's difficult to be politically correct while you are dodging bullets all the time. The Chicago police are the only cops who get rotated to Syria every six months for a little R&R.

Bob Woodward ripped the CIA for spreading false salacious stories about Trump while Rep. John Lewis called Trump's election illegitimate. It never ends. The Ringling Brothers Circus just shut down after one hundred and fifty years because it can no longer compete with American politics.

Georgia's legendary Congressman John Lewis said that Trump's presidency is illegitimate Sunday. He claims he knows Trump's election was the work of Russian spies. Apparently Lewis was struck in the head so hard by a Southern cop fifty years ago that it gave him Russian intelligence.

Donald Trump is making plans for his presidential Inauguration Friday while civil rights, Hispanic rights, feminist and gay groups plan boisterous protests. We're all stuck with whatever happens. Gene Cernan died Monday, and the last person who knows how to get off this planet is gone.

Bill Clinton and Hillary agreed to attend Donald Trump's Inauguration Ceremony on Friday in Washington. What a sight. At noon Friday, Donald Trump will have the only three things Bill Clinton ever wanted--the Oval Office, ten billion dollars, and a supermodel wife who lives out of town.

John L. Lewis is skipping Trump's inaugural in protest but he also skipped George W. Bush's inaugural. His legacy is wearing thin. Tiger Woods was hit in the head with a golf club by a white woman seven years ago but Tiger doesn't claim that makes him an expert on presidential legitimacy.

Trump's Inaugural will be skipped by sixty Democratic congressmen who say Russia hacked into the DNC computers and hurt Hillary. The party that screwed Bernie Sanders is worried about how the Russians affected the U.S. election. American politics hasn't hit bottom yet, it's still climbing.

Lindsay Lohan made the front pages Tuesday after she was photographed leaving a mosque in L.A. wearing a Muslim woman's head scarf and greeting reporters an Arabic. It's good news for United States interests if Lindsay Lohan has converted to Islam. If she can't destroy ISIS, nobody can.

Mexico's President Pena Nieto addressed his congress last week and said that the government of Mexico looks forward to negotiating with the incoming U.S. administration. Does Mexico have an Olympic pole vaulting team? Because after this weekend, these guys could make some serious money.

Donald Trump's inauguration will draw a hundred million viewers today along with protests against him and pep rallies in favor of him. Everyone is bracing themselves for an entertaining presidency. That's a really safe bet, considering how things have gone during the audience warm-up.

Hillary Clinton will attend Donald Trump's Inauguration Friday with her husband along with George W. Bush and Jimmy Carter. Bill Clinton will sit next to Barack Obama. That will be a photo for future historians to behold, seeing America's first black president seated next to the last one.

-- Argus Hamilton

Dozens of Democratic members of Congress are boycotting Donald Trump's inauguration. Which is shocking because I didn't know there were still dozens of Democratic members of Congress. I guessed there were like two left.

-- Conan