Manfort Tells Judge, “I’m Guilty, Lock Me Up”

Washington (The Plebian): As part of a plea agreement with the Mueller probe, Paul Manafort told the Judge presiding over the case, “I’m a guilty treasonous bastard. Lock Me Up.” Paul Manafort was Donald Trump’s campaign chairman and reportedly did an excellent job being a working with the Russians to help elect Donald Trump President.

According to sources inside the courtroom Paul Manafort accidently broke into a chant, repeating the phrase “lock me up” several times before being tackled by security. Mr. Manafort defend himself saying that he repeated it out of force of habit.

President Trump tweeted on twitter that he “Regretted hiring Paul Manafort, The Plea Agreement is Fake News and unfair, total Witch Hunt…ect” or some shit.

(We at The Plebian would like you to know that we haven’t yet looked at the president’s twitter when writing this bull shit article. We would like to encourage you to take a drink for every word that we predicted would be in his shitty predictable tweet)