This is a story involving balls for your ass, and an entity called the Church of Wow! It therefore must be told.

There are few communities in world quite so profoundly devoted to the abandonment of science and rationality as some of those in northern California. A friend of mine is a parent in one such otherwise idyllic community, and as one of the very few skeptics in town, he spends much of his life with fingers in the dike holding back the flood of woo that might otherwise wash his town away.

He received a cc on this email from another parent to his child’s teacher. The “physio balls” referred to are simply the large rubber bouncy balls used in physical therapy and some exercise gyms:

Dear Ms S. and parents of the eighth grade, I would like to present the opportunity to bring Physio balls into the classroom for our kids this year. Currently there are 5000 classrooms in Switzerland (where the physioball originated) using balls. See this link: www.swisster.ch/…/swiss-ball-from-physiotherapy-to-fitness_120-1814253 There have been numerous studies conducted around the benefits of kids using balls in classrooms some of which I have included below. Read more: http://student-health-issues.suite101.com/article.cfm/no_more_classroom_chairs#ixzz0ITJK20Q1&C also google for more info. We are fortunate to be hosting Elisa Lodge this coming weekend for workshops in her work which is called Primal Energetics. She has introduced the use of balls in schools in Big Sur and is willing to come to our school to do the same. I am proposing that she visit the classroom on Tuesday September 29 to introduce the balls and spend on hour with the kids. The cost per student would be $15- $30 sliding scale. This includes the balls which usually run at this price their own. I spoke with Ms S. about this before the semester began and her concern was what to do with the chairs and can we afford it. I trust we can work around these obstacles and students who decide not to use the balls can take them home to use there. The balls can partially or wholly replace the use of chairs. Please respond soon with any thoughts or questions. I will be meeting with Ms. B. [the school principal] tomorrow to present this to her. Nothing has been set yet and of course its instrumentation depends on whether or not we are in favor of it. enjoy P.

A near miss. Most of that email was perfectly fine, until it reached the point of bringing in a spiritual advisor to teach the children “primal energetics” (a scientifically meaningless term, in case you were wondering) for $15-30 each.

And so my friend, K., took advantage of the “Reply All” function in his email (I love this):

S., I’ll weigh in as skeptical on this one. First, the terminology (“Primal Energetics”) is highly suggestive of a multi-level marketing scheme. I don’t dispute the value of exercise balls, but I’m concerned that the physio-balls are an entrée to the classroom to pitch more products. Next, this person also goes by the name “Wowza” and has supposedly co-founded the “Church of Wow.” http://wowzacise.com/about/ One of the things I love about [our school] is the richness and depth of the curriculum, with emphasis on critical thinking. Turning the classroom over to the Church of Wow seems like a step in a bizarre direction. Some of the claims Ms. Lodge makes include rhetoric typical of quack alternative healing practices. Her own “Wowzacize” site http://wowzacise.com/esalen/ includes this set of claims: Together, we will contrast conditioned attitudes and static behavior patterns with a vital physiology that reflects fluid flexibility, free-spirited breathing, resonant vocal power and authentic emotional energy. Integrating an expressive vocabulary of feeling into daily life activities eroticizes nerve fibers, warms the flesh, and arouses the arteries, fires alertness and pumps blood into our heart with undivided passion. With more unbridled energy and creative vigor, there is renewed freedom to breathe as the wind, walk with joy, speak with heart, and play the game of life with grace, boldness and daring. In other words, exercise feels good. I’ll tell the class that for free. This website http://www.naturalpath.com/keywords/elisa_lodge attributes the following quote to Ms. Lodge: Every organ, bone and cell in our body has its own resonant frequency… together they make up a composite frequency like the stringed instruments of an orchestra [Lodge, 2006.]. It also reports that she advocates humming to engage “neurostimulators of the brain with energetic stimulation.” Again, this type of rhetoric is redolent with quackery red flags. As to these claims: I would like to present the opportunity to bring Physio balls into the classroom for our kids this year. Currently there are 5000 classrooms in Switzerland (where the physioball originated) using balls. See this link: www.swisster.ch/…/swiss-ball-from-physiotherapy-to-fitness_120-1814253 Dead link. There have been numerous studies conducted around the benefits of kids using balls in classrooms some of which I have included below. Read more: http://student-health-issues.suite101.com/article.cfm/no_more_classroom_chairs#ixzz0ITJK20Q1&C also google for more info. I don’t see anything on the National Institute of Health, U.S. Dept. of Education, Mayo Clinic or PubMed sites advocating chairless classrooms, Primal Energetics or Wowzacize. There are generic references to exercise ball use, not associated with the benefits of “resonant frequencies” of organs, “eroticizing” of nerve fibers or any other of the fantastical claims. The cost per student would be $15- $30 sliding scale. This includes the balls which usually run at this price their own. Since our kids have an exercise program, it’s not clear to me why we have to pay this extra money and lose an hour of class time for exercise ball training. Especially since these items are available at sporting goods stores for families who may wish to use them. There are also free instructional videos on YouTube. A private, parochial school in Carver County, Minnesota, found the exercise balls so successful that the school has replaced all classroom chairs with the balls. Principal Deb Kelzer states, “The kids were really excited to come back to school and sit on those balls. I was hesitant at first but I thought, ‘Why not?’ There’s too much sitting around that goes on.” [Heron Marquez Estrada, Star Tribune, startribune.com, Oct. 27, 2007] I would remind you that testimonials are both highly persuasive and worthless. The book presents 23 complete lesson plans and 118 activities that have been successfully used by teachers in physical education classes. Virtually all of these activities can be used in inclusive settings. In conclusion, I don’t think we should open the classroom door to people hawking books and making absurd, unsupported medical claims. It runs counter to the reality-based instruction in the curriculum. It is my opinion that the main beneficiary of this session would be Ms. Lodge. K.

One parent did chime in agreeing that physioballs would be great for the school’s physical education program, and that’s probably true. A lot of things would. But she stopped short of endorsing the Primal Energetics classroom training. However, just in case there was any doubt that she was a member of this particular community, she had to add:

Regarding some of the government health websites and “recommendations” that K. cited as not “supporting or reporting physioball use for kids,” remeber that it is also government agencies that brought us STAR testing, no child left behind, and recommendations of all sorts of things that many of us probably don’t agree with or that piss us off!

Because, you know, since the government’s imperfect, Magic Balls for Your Ass must therefore be good.

K.’s email reply had the intended effect. Confronted with a skeptical perspective, P. backed down and retracted her original proposal, saving the parents money, and saving the kids from this astonishing magical Primal Energetics lesson. P. wrote:

Hi K. and all Elisa Lodge (Wowza) is a very dear friend of mine and an incredible teacher. She has been a teacher of mine now for 5 years. I would never suggest inviting someone into the classroom I was not 100% sure of. Yes, I completely agree she seems outrageous.

(Maybe that should have influenced you to begin with… these kids are not all yours.)

In person, she is one of the kindest and most accessible people I know. She lays no pretences whatsoever and spends a lot of time with children. She is incredibly compassionate and is in no way involved in any schemes.

No doubt. But note, K. said nothing negative about Wowza’s personality or intentions. It was all about the validity of her Primal Energetics as a classroom topic. Being a nice person does not justify the teaching of horse bollocks.

I apologize for not being more clear about my connection to her and the recommendation I give regarding her work. I do understand that her work may seem “out there” from an outside perspective. She is genuinely interested in kids and adults finding true joy and love for their lives. In terms of the financial side of it, I just wanted her to be somehow compensated for her work so this was set by me not her. Remember, none of this is set. I am just coming from a place of really wanting the best for our kids and offering that out.

Magic Balls, Primal Energetics, and the Church of Wow! are what’s “best for our kids”?

Again, I apologize if there has been any misunderstandings. Sincerely, P.

There’s no doubt in my mind that Wowza is indeed a warm and compassionate lady as P. says, and that P. never remotely intended anything inappropriate. But it’s not enough to simply have good intentions. Especially when you’re involved in education, you need to have good information as well. And to have good information, you have to learn to think critically about the information you’re given. P. did not. Wowza certainly does not. Thankfully, K. did. A tip of the hat to you, K.