Aston Villa are still shite according to a report into the West Midlands club carried out by PwC. The study found that Villa are not enjoying the typical ‘bounce’ other relegated clubs such as Newcastle have experienced.

Shite

“No, they’re still shite,” former Birmingham City striker Trevor Francis, who led the study, told Soccer on Sunday. “We looked at everything. Shooting, passing, set pieces, dribbling, defending. Villa are shite at all of them. We were surprised, because we thought maybe they’d be ‘crap’ in a few areas, which is one notch up from ‘shite’ on the scale. But we double-checked and treble-checked the data. They’re shite at everything.”

“The good news is that there’s room for improvement in all areas,” added Francis. “The bad news, as I said, is that they’re shite at everything.”

Devastated

Steve Bruce admits that he is devastated by the report.

“It’s knocked me sideways, if I’m honest,” the former UTD defender told Soccer on Sunday. “I was hoping we’d be crap in one or two areas. To be told that we’re shite at everything? Well, it’s a bitter pill. Apparently we’re even shite at kneeing the ball. That amazes me. I’ve always prided myself on coaching players to knee properly. Tuesdays and Thursdays that’s all we do at training. Maybe that’s part of the problem. Who knows?”

“It only makes me more determined,” added Bruce. “I know in my heart that I can turn this team from a pile of shite into a pile of crap. My track record speaks for itself, to be fair.”