Asking for a father’s hand in marriage is pretty outdated, don’t you think? Women aren’t property — why should my father be able to give his permission? Besides, I think my boyfriend asking my father for my hand in marriage really misses some of the bigger issues, namely that there are a whole host of questions I’d prefer he ask my father. I’ve outlined a few below.

Can I have a job?

Could we borrow your car?

Can I have your daughter’s whole body in marriage?

Do you have $5?

Do you have $50?

Do you have $500?

Do you have $5,000? Ok, this is pushing it, I agree.

I’d really love your daughter’s consent.

Could you watch our dog this weekend?

Are we invited on the family vacation to Nantucket?

Could you go a little easy on your daughter? She’s LOOKING for a job, ok?

Can I use your charger?

Can I have your charger?

I should add that I wrote this months ago, and this definitely does NOT apply to my current boyfriend, who would be very freaked out if he thought it did. I also don’t have a dog.