Twilight Sparkle chewed nervously at the end of a quill, staring down at the parchment she was preparing to write on. She had it all set up. She had gotten the ‘product’ from Pinkie Pie. Apparently, the Cake’s had gone to Zecora seeking a medicine that would keep the bouncy pink pony more ‘level headed’. Twilight took that to mean ‘not bouncing off the walls constantly’.

But it was a strange herb that Twilight had never heard of. She had witnessed Pinkie Pie go from crazy to tame in just a few puffs, and after logging her observations on parchment, she had decided to try a small amount herself.

But actually going through with it was a completely different thing. It was mildly bothersome to her, to think that she would very soon be in the same state of mind as Pinkie Pie was. She had gone from bouncy and happy, to just... happy.

Twilight took another deep breath, steadying her nerves, reminding herself that this was purely scientific. She was logging her results carefully, to keep a record of the effects because, as far as she knew, there had never been a study conducted into the effects.

It was almost midnight. Twilight had chosen the time perfectly. Everypony would be asleep, so if she did anything silly, it would go unnoticed. Twilight waited until a minute before her grandfather clock would chime, to start the process happening. It was a very elegant process, burning the herb and then filtering the resultant smoke through a swirled tube of water, to remove impurities and keep ash from getting in the lungs.

As the grandfather clock began to chime, Twilight leaned in to inhale the vapours.

An acrid smell invaded the unicorn’s senses, and she wrinkled her nose hard, trying to finish inhaling before she began to cough and splutter, pulling back and making a face. Immediately, her eyes began to water and burn, and the world spun around her for several moments.

Immediately, Twilight pulled out her quill to begin recording notes.

The young unicorn stalked the night, her eyes puffy and red, her expression rather slack, with cookie crumbs visible on her chin. Her mission: cookies! Pinkie Pie had to have cookies!

A soft jingle rang throughout the deserted Sugar Cube corner as Twilight magicked the door open, sneaking inside, very proud of her skills in the art of stealth. In truth, the unicorn made quite a bit of noise, stumbling over to the display case, looking for cookies.

But Twilight became distracted partway there, her eyes widening as the glowing of her horn revealed the holy grail of all snack food: Cupcakes!

Individually frosted cupcakes stood underneath the glass, all neat and ordered, set into their rows. Some of them even had little faces made of sweets!

Twilight stared down at the lines of cupcakes, her eyes wide, mouth parted slightly, having to swallow once or twice as she drooled copiously. She leaned close to the display case, turning her head to the side and pricking an ear upwards, listening intently.

“Please Twilight, eat us!” the cupcakes said, their little voices comically high.

“Yes cupcakes, I’ll eat you!” Twilight assured, nodding earnestly down at the tasty treats.

The sound of movement down in Sugar Cube Corner woke Pinkie Pie up, and the violently pink pony rolled out of bed, picking up a lantern and making her way downstairs to make sure an animal hadn’t gotten in to eat the cakes again, as had happened just last month.

To her surprise however, her lamp revealed the huddled form of her unicorn friend Twilight, crouched over the display case, sobbing.

“Twilight?” Pinkie Pie asked, bewildered, stepping closer to the unicorn.

Twilight looked up at Pinkie Pie, her face streaked with tears and frosting, evidence of her cupcake genocide. The single survivor of her terrible reign was nestled close to the unicorn’s chest, held there firmly by a loving, tender hoof.

“I-I ate all his friends!” Twilight wailed, shaking her head in vain disbelief, trying her best not to look down at the display case, strewn with the blood (icing), and the severed limbs of the poor cupcake’s comrades. It was a morbid battleground, strewn with the evidence of Twilight’s terrible one-pony war waged on the cupcakes.

Bursting into fresh tears, Twilight sheltered the poor battered cupcake from the display case, comforting it. “D-don’t worry cupcake, it’s over, I promise! I won’t harm your kind any more! It’s over!”

Pinkie Pie just stared at Twilight, mouth parted in disbelief.

The door to Sugar Cube Corner opened again, and an irritable-looking Princess Luna stepped inside.

“Luna, thanks for coming!” Pinkie Pie breathed with a sigh of relief, shaking her head helplessly. “Please, can you do something? Twilight is about to declare war on the cakes!”

Luna gave a bewildered stare at the pink pony, before leaning to the side to peer past her, to where Twilight stood, with warpaint made of yellow cupcake frosting marking her cheeks and forehead. She had one hoof lifted, pointing at the display cases holding the cakes. “Yes Cupcake!” she declared, “We will claim the sovereignty of that side of the room for your people! So that you may repopulate the lands with your delicious brethren!”

“Is there something I need to know?” Luna asked suspiciously.

Pinkie Pie paused at that, obviously mulling the question over, before she cast a furtive glance left and right, and then leaned in to say quietly, “I... Uhm... Might have given her some... stuff that she wanted to try.”

“Stuff.” Luna spoke the word flatly, eyes narrowed at Pinkie Pie.

The pink earth pony flushed, hanging her head. “I didn’t think it would make her crazy!”

Luna pushed past Pinkie Pie, stepping between Twilight and the display cases holding the cakes as Twilight began her clumsy charge. The unicorn came up short, eyes widening, hooves scrabbling at the floor before she squeaked and leapt behind the empty cupcake case, taking cover.

“No cupcake! We can’t face Nightmare Moon! She’ll eat you alive!” the unicorn wailed.

The dark princess stepped over to the display case, peering over it, staring down at the huddled unicorn.

Twilight slowly looked upwards, her eyes widening. “No! No!” she squeaked, flailing a hoof at the princess. “I’ll not let you eat my cupcake! I will protect him with my life!”

Luna stared at Twilight flatly for several long moment, blinking slowly. “Twilight. Have you taken leave of your senses?”

“It’s a trick!” Twilight accused, poking Luna’s nose with her hoof. “You’re just trying to get me to let down my guard! And then... and then... you’ll eat him!”

Princess Luna snorted once, stalking over to the sink and filling a cup with water. Calmly, she stepped back over to the unicorn, and dumped the cup of water all over her.

Twilight gasped, her eyes widening as the cold water splashed over her, squeaking faintly and flailing her hoof at Luna again. “What was that for?!”

Luna stared down at the unicorn. “Come. We will return you to your home.”

It was an effort to get the unicorn home, leading her through the dark Ponyville streets.

“Luna... Luna... hey Luna!” Twilight said, from behind the dark princess, stumbling in her steps.

Luna looked back over her shoulder with a scowl, “Yes?”

Twilight giggled faintly, and then prodded Luna’s cutie mark. “If you mooned somepony... how many moons would there be?”

Luna just shook her head, ushering the unicorn into the library and upstairs, pushing her towards the bed.

The noise awoke Spike, who sleepily stared around.

“Wha? You got a cupcake for me?” he asked, picking up the lone survivor from Sugar Cube Corner. Before Twilight could even speak, the cupcake was gone.

Princess Luna huffed as she tried to get the distraught unicorn back into bed.

Twilight Sparkle’s notebook stood as testament to the events of that night.

12:01 Have inhaled the contents. Mild vertigo observed. Passed after a few seconds. Was unable to hold inhale.

12:05 Five minutes since inhalation, no ill effects noticeable.

12:10 Ten minutes since inhalation, still no effects noticed.

12:11 Have consumed every cookie I could find. Must get more.

1:35 Today, we have lost a soldier. We have lost a good friend and comrade. He survived the betrayal of the Unicorn Scourge, saw his way through the attack of Nightmare Moon, and even survived the Great Migration. But upon arrival at our new homelands, the ever fearless Cupcake Von FrostingFace met his untimely demise at the jaws of a ferocious dragon. Let us forever remember this day as the day we lost a true hero!

And at the end of the parchment was a single note, without a timestamp:

I will never smoke anything ever again.