The actor on the butterfly effect, dressing up, and a memorable kiss

Steve Pemberton: ‘My closest brush with the law? Being accused of stealing some Chewits’

Born in Lancashire, Pemberton, 51, co-created The League Of Gentlemen with Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss and Reece Shearsmith. With Shearsmith, he went on to write and star in the TV series Psychoville and Inside No 9, for which he has been nominated for a Bafta. He will play Emperor Claudius in the second series of Sky Atlantic’s Britannia. He lives in London with his partner and three children.

When were you happiest?

Phoning my dad to tell him we’d won the Edinburgh Perrier award with The League Of Gentlemen in 1997.

What is your earliest memory?

Being in the Wendy house at pre-school playgroup with the dressing-up box. I remember looking at all the different hats and thinking, “Oh, the possibilities...”

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

I can be overanalytical.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Spitefulness, a trait exacerbated by the modern digital age.

What makes you unhappy?

Misplaced apostrophes.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

Nothing. I have someone who loves me as I am.

Who would play you in the film of your life?

I love Donald Sutherland – such a range of great character roles in all decades of his career. But in truth it’s not such a great part, so he might pass on it.

What did you want to be when you were growing up?

What I am now, but with a better singing voice.

Is it better to give or to receive?

Giving can be anticipated, which adds to the enjoyment.

What is your guiltiest pleasure?

Puddings, biscuits, cakes.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

My other half, Alison. She is kindness personified.

What was the best kiss of your life?

On an early date with Alison, having watched Swan Lake, walking home through St James’s Park and in the shadow of Big Ben.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

I say “segue” a lot in a professional capacity, but only learned recently that I’ve been mispronouncing it. It’s “segway” not “seeg”. Thanks to M Gatiss Esq.

What is the worst job you’ve done?

Collecting glasses in a Lancashire pub. Try to take a pint glass with a millimetre of foam still in it, and you get a lit cigarette on the back of your hand.

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If you could edit your past, what would you change?

Nothing – haven’t you heard of the butterfly effect? I could find myself still collecting glasses in Charnock Richard while Donald Sutherland would be enjoying my life.

How do you relax?

I love to lose myself in a cryptic crossword.

What has been your closest brush with the law?

Being accused of stealing some Chewits from the Spar in Chorley. A policeman was called in and I hadn’t done it. The injustice of it reddens my face to this day.

What song would you like played at your funeral?

Tears Of Laughter by Cheese and Crackers. We wrote it for an episode of Inside No 9 and it ends “Laughter is my memory of you...”