ORLANDO, FL—Beseeching those individuals remaining on the premises Wednesday to relocate before Hurricane Irma strikes, local officials reportedly drove down Disney World’s Main Street, USA, using vehicle-mounted loudspeakers to plead with any holdout characters to evacuate. “We urge everyone to leave Liberty Square and seek out higher ground immediately as we may not be able to reach you if the Rivers of America flood,” said Orange County sheriff Jason Levine through his megaphone as he pulled up alongside a resolute Jiminy Cricket and Buzz Lightyear, who were seen ignoring the warning and continuing to hammer plywood onto the windows of Cinderella’s Castle, just two of the several dozen characters who had reportedly decided to hole up throughout the theme park with stockpiles of turkey legs and mouse-ear-shaped ice cream bars in an attempt to ride out the Category 5 storm. “Please leave any glass slippers, sorcerer’s hats, and other belongings behind and exit in a quick and orderly fashion. This is for your own safety. Monorails are waiting to evacuate you and your loved ones.” When later contacted by police officers going door to door, local dwarf Grumpy told authorities that he and his many relations had lived in Fantasyland for 45 years and were at peace riding out the storm in their small cottage, regardless of what fate awaited them.

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