The only thing more annoying then friends psychoanalyzing you is a friend psychoanalyzing you on television. Okay, so let’s do this:

When the episode opens, I’m staying at a hotel because my best pal says her house is too full and because I'm the type of girl who likes to have a friend close 24/7 – virtually velcro’d to my side at all times. Ummm...rut-roh.

But wait...fourteen minutes later, I’m a hard-to-reach friend, I don’t reply to texts, and my phone has a weird message that says it’s broken (it doesn’t). Three of my five friends are complaining that I didn’t give them enough affirmation when none of them showed up to support my marathon run and instead took one and a half seconds to write a text. I guess they expected a parade when all I did was say, Thank you! (written out). I'm curious, what would you have done?

Let’s pick a story and stick with it. Because if Carole is anything, it's consistent. That reminds me, let’s play a game:

Carole is the kind of person who_________.

Carole is the kind of person who celebrates her friends.

Carole is the kind of person who has very close female friendships.

Carole is the kind of person who that if her friend was running a marathon, she’d be at the finish line.

Carole is the kind of person who laughs easily and doesn’t take herself so seriously.

Carole is the kind of person who understands the difference between an opinion and the truth.

Carole is the kind of person who doesn’t shade the truth in order to prove a lie.

Carole is the kind of person who can take criticism if actual criticism is given.

Carole is the kind of person who will correct the record backed up with screenshots and evidence. Lol.

Carole is the kind of person who believes in being gracious, in spite of being confronted by a mob group posing as friends.

Carole is the kind of person who drives four hours in traffic to go to her friend’s birthday dinner, who brings three dozen roses, and doesn’t make a big deal when she doesn’t say thank you.

Carole is the kind of person who forgives friends easily for behaving rudely, for being self-centered, self-absorbed and generally bitchy, but maybe she should stop letting things roll off so easily.

What Carole isn’t is a fair-weather friend, and while she may not have three dance tunes and a Pandora radio station (yet!), she genuinely cares for her close friends and is sad to see hidden jealousies and resentments pop up on television. Had I known then what is very clear to me now, this entire story would have ended much differently.

Thanks for watching, and you can donate to North Shore Animal League here: https://www.animalleague.org/

P.S. Ramona isn’t tolerated by any of us. She is and has been a good friend who has her quirks like the rest of us. But that girl has more close girlfriends than any single girl I’ve ever known. They literally velcro themselves to her side! That's because she knows what it means to be a good friend, regardless of her dynamic with Bethenny, who is not a friend to her. And sure, I guess Luann can be fun too, but she called me a pedophile, refers to my three-year relationship as a "boytoy," and diminishes my accomplishments, because I don’t have three dance tunes on Pandora! But sure, B, she’s fun too. Nice way to have my back like I always had yours. Sad.

And poor dumb Sonja not to know the difference between a bad divorce and a young death. I feel sorry for her except for the fact that she is #nastynice to my friends, and if I’m anything, it’s loyal. #rideordiehoney