Ellanje Ferguson, MassLive.com

By Nick O'Malley | nomalley@masslive.com

In the interest of making as little effort as possible to look like I'm being active and eating healthy, I've chosen to eat a bunch of salads from the last places you should really be trying to get a salad from.

Let's rank them.

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Ellanje Ferguson, MassLive.com

Salads from McDonald's, Burger King and Wendy's, Ranked

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In the interest of keeping this list at a reasonable length, I've limited the "fast food salad" category to salads from from the three biggest chains with multiple salad options: McDonald's, Burger King and Wendy's.

In order or figure out which salads you should actually try, I sampled every combination of salad and toppings you could get from the three locations -- totalling 16 varieties.

Note: Whenever given the options, I got Italian as my default dressing because I don't know what salad dressing you want. That's up to you, buddy.

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Ellanje Ferguson, MassLive.com

So what did they taste like?

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I'd like to say there was a reasonable range of options here. But for the most part it was a bunch of garden salads, caesar salads and your choice of crispy or grilled chicken.

The world of fast food salads isn't particularly exciting -- unless you're going to Wendy's. They're at least trying to make salads worth eating.

Since we're all trying to be healthy, I'm going to keep track of the calorie counts of each of these, and keep a tab on what's included in each salad. (Calorie counts usually don't include the dressing or croutons.)

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Ellanje Ferguson, MassLive.com

No. 16 - McDonald's Side Salad

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What's on it? Romaine lettuce, baby spinach, baby kale, red leaf lettuce, ribbon cut carrots, grape tomatoes

Listed Calories: 15

Woah, McDonalds. Let's chill out with that ingredient list. This is a side salad. From McDonalds. When I went to order it at the drive-thru window, the guy had to go and check to make sure they had side salads.

Apparently, they do, and I'm the worse off for it.

This salad wasn't particularly terrible. It was, you know, lettuce and stuff. But After two bites, I'd successfully cleared half the salad out of my bowl. This is one of the least substantial salads I've ever seen in my life.

There's a reason this thing's 15 calories. There's about 15 shards of salad in here. Well, that and they aren't counting the salad dressing.

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Ellanje Ferguson, MassLive.com

No. 15 - Wendy's Spicy Chicken Caesar Salad (Half-size)

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What's on it? Spicy chicken breast, romaine lettuce, cherry tomatoes, Asiago cheese

Listed Calories: 550 (half-sized)

Hey, you know what doesn't go with Caesar dressing and sharp cheese? Wendy's spicy chicken.

This is an otherwise decent caesar salad. But for some reason, there's pieces of spicy chicken hidden throughout it, like red-tinted poultry traps intent on synthesizing an abrasive car crash of flavor on your tongue as the dry heat of the chicken meets the sharp salty zest of the dressing and cheese.

What bothers me most is that Wendy's did not need to do this. They have plenty of chicken in the restaurant and chose to put the spicy chicken on there.

This salad is stupid.

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Ellanje Ferguson, MassLive.com

No. 14 - Burger King Side Salad

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What's on it? "Blend of premium lettuces" garnished with juicy tomatoes, three-cheese medley

Listed Calories: 60

I was expecting a pile of thin, limp lettuces. Instead, I got a lot of those thick, crunchy pieces that comes from the center of the lettuce head.

I appreciate those pieces. Iceberg lettuce is essentially crunchy water, anyway, so you might as well get the crunchiest part. We're all here for the dressing and croutons anyway. (Go ahead and add another 60 calories for the croutons, by the way.)

Also, there was a lot of cheese on this. Good on you, Burger King. You knew what I wanted.

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Ellanje Ferguson, MassLive.com

No. 13 - McDonald's Bacon Ranch Salad (w/ Grilled Chicken)

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What's on it? Salad blend, grape tomatoes, bacon, shredded cheese

Listed Calories: 320

This is a garden salad with bacon on it. And I don't mean bacon crumbles, which are a great addition to any salad. No, I got strips of bacon, which are a nightmare to try and cut up in salad form.

Once those are gone, I'm just stuck here with a regular chicken salad from McDonalds like some weirdo.

Avoid the grilled chicken. Mine was kind of glossy and chewy.

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Ellanje Ferguson, MassLive.com

No. 12 - McDonald's Bacon Ranch Salad (Crispy Chicken)

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What's on it? Salad blend, grape tomatoes, bacon, shredded cheese

Listed Calories: 490

This is the same salad, just with marginally better chicken. It's still not particularly good.

Fortunately, it isn't hard to avoid this salad, since it wasn't on the drive-thru menu of either McDonald's I visited. I had to specifically ask for it. I wish I hadn't.

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Ellanje Ferguson, MassLive.com

Tied: No. 10 - Burger King Garden Salad (w/ Crispy Chicken)

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What's on it? Crispy green romaine, green leaf and radicchio lettuce, shredded cheese, tomatoes

Listed Calories: 440

This is a pretty standard garden salad that's ultimately bland and forgetable with cold fast food chicken on top. Being cold does not do the chicken any favors.

The tomatoes were particularly bad, and they should feel bad.

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Ellanje Ferguson, MassLive.com

Tied: No. 10 - Burger King Club Salad (w/ Crispy Chicken)

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What's on it? Crispy green romaine, green leaf and radicchio lettuce, bacon, shredded cheese, tomatoes

Listed Calories: 710, according to the website

Now, you may be thinking to yourself: "Wait, isn't that the same exact salad?"

Yes, it does appear that way doesn't it? After careful examination, I could find no distinguishable difference between this and the Garden Salad I ordered. So, either someone screwed up more order (most likely), or there's some sort of grand salad conspiracy going on here.

Allegedly, this salad is supposed to have bacon on it. As far as I can see, it's the only difference between this and the garden salad. I see no bacon. I also saw no reason to go back and make sure I got the right salad and won't be persuaded otherwise.

The cheese is on there, though. It's hiding in a clump under the chicken.

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Ellanje Ferguson, MassLive.com

Tied: No. 8 - Burger King Garden Salad (w/ Grilled Chicken)

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What's on it? Crispy green romaine, green leaf and radicchio lettuce, shredded cheese, tomatoes

Listed Calories: 340

In a weird twist, the grilled chicken that came with the Burger King salads was pretty good. Unfortunately, the person who put this salad together didn't cut all the way through the chicken, meaning I got this big clump of nearly severed chicken pieces that had a big clump of cheese stuck to it.

As unnerving as this was, it tasted pretty good, like a cold cheese-lettuce-chicken sandwich. I could've cut it up into normal salad pieces, sure. But at this point, I was so tired of eating salads that I was just looking for variety.

The rest of the salad was otherwise fine. It was salad mix. It had croutons.

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Ellanje Ferguson, MassLive.com

Tied: No. 8 - Burger King Club Salad? (w/ Grilled Chicken)

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What's on it? Crispy green romaine, green leaf and radicchio lettuce, bacon(?), shredded cheese, tomatoes

Listed Calories: Allegedly 610

I don't even know what to think anymore. Again, there is nothing different about this salad and I don't even care. Ignore this half of these rankings. Every salad up to this point has been dumb and bad.

It'd be one thing if the salads tasted any different. But for the past seven or so salads, the greens have been pretty much indistinguishable. The only differences have been the toppings, like if some idiot put spicy chicken on a Caesar salad. (I'm still mad about that.)

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Ellanje Ferguson, MassLive.com

No. 7 - Wendy's Side Salad

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What's on it? Mixed greens, cheddar cheese, tomato, red onion

Listed Calories: 210

Finally, a decent freaking salad that I didn't put my fork into solely because I was professionally obligated to.

It's a decent mix of greens and of a quality that I didn't second-guess myself for eating.

While we're here: Good on you Wendy's for including the dressing in the calorie count. I'm sure there are people who eat salads with little to no dressing. Those people are not ordering these salads.

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Ellanje Ferguson, MassLive.com

No. 6 - Wendy's Side Caesar Salad

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What's on it? Romaine lettuce, Asiago cheese, tomatoes

Listed Calories: 230

This is a perfectly adequate caesar salad. It's pretty much identical to the garden salad, just with the red onion and cheddar swapped with Asiago cheese (and Caesar dressing).

I liked eating this salad. (Weird thought, huh?)

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Ellanje Ferguson, MassLive.com

5. McDonald's Southwest Salad (w/ Crispy Chicken)

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What's on it? Salad blend, Southwest vegetable blend, cilantro lime glaze, lime, chili lime tortilla strips, grill seasoning

Listed Calories: 520

At this point, I should note that this list is based purely on taste. This salad hardly qualifies for any sort of healthy eating. For reference, a Big Mac has 540 calories. By the way, if you want some Southwest dressing on this, you can go ahead and bump that calorie total up to 570.

So yeah, the corn and bean mix with the cilantro lime glaze tasted pretty good. The tortilla strips were tasty, even if the chicken was pretty mediocre. But that doesn't take away from the fact that this salad isn't particularly good for you.

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Ellanje Ferguson, MassLive.com

4. McDonald's Southwest Salad (w/ Grilled Chicken)

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What's on it? Salad blend, Southwest vegetable blend, cilantro lime glaze, lime, chili lime tortilla strips, grill seasoning

Listed Calories: 350

The grilled chicken isn't particularly good (and wasn't properly chopped). But at this point, I'd take this salad along with the knowledge that it's not in Big Mac range calorie-wise.

If you're like me and order this salad to go, be warned that he salad containers are McDonald's are terrible and will pop open in the bag at the slightest bump or jostle. They're like two Frisbees that precariously click together at the edges.

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Ellanje Ferguson, MassLive.com

3. Wendy's Mediterranean Power Salad (Half-size)

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What's on it? Grilled chicken, feta cheese, hummus, sun-dried tomato quinoa blend

Listed Calories: 250 (Half-sized)

What the hell even is this? It's a weird mish mash of ingredients that someone pulled off the Wikipedia page for "Mediterranean foods." It also has quinoa, which comes from South America.

With that said, it tastes pretty good. The hummus and chicken combo is surprisingly tasty and filling. The other ingredients add a nice background, but it's mostly the hummus-chicken show.

I'd say it's better without additional dressing since the hummus does an adequate job there. This salad has the best chance of filling you up while still remaining surprisingly healthy.

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Ellanje Ferguson, MassLive.com

2. Wendy's Taco Salad (Half-size)

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What's on it? Wendy's chili, shredded cheddar, diced tomatoes, salsa, sour cream

Listed Calories: 470 (Half-sized)

If you order this at the drive-thru like I did, then get ready to a receive a build-your-own-salad kit that includes:

A plain salad

A bag of tortilla chips

A packet of sour cream

A cup of chili

A cup of salsa

I made an effort to give mine a fancy presentation. But you can go ahead and dump all the ingredients on there. (Although. I'd recommend placing the tortilla chips on the bottom.)

Overall, it works surprisingly well as a salad. It's got a strong burrito bowl vibe. The chili was a better fit here than the salsa, with the sour cream adding a nice smooth flavor to the mix.

I actually had the best experience using the chips as a salad shovel to eat it. But if you're looking for more conventional eating, I suppose you could just crumble up the chips and sprinkle them on.

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Ellanje Ferguson, MassLive.com

1. Wendy's Apple Pecan Salad

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What's on it? Apples, blue cheese, cranberries, pecans, grilled chicken, pomegranate vinaigrette

Listed Calories: 340 (half-sized)

This was kind of crazy mix of flavors between blue cheese, apple and sweet dressing. It's also kind of hard to get on one fork. But overal, it was definitely the salad I enjoyed the most.

The chicken actually takes the back seat flavor-wise, letting the crunchy, sweet and creamy flavors stand out. The texture from the apples and pecans break up the usual salad monotony, while the fruits and dressing keep it at just the right level of sweetness to make it enjoyable. The end result is a salad that -- for once -- isn't bland, and provides some variety in what you're eating.

I wish it came with a bigger fork. All I want is all these flavors in my mouth at once. I should help me forget the taste of spicy chicken and Caesar dressing.

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Ellanje Ferguson, MassLive.com

So are they any good?

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The only ones I'd really recommend are No. 7 and above. Even then, the McDonald's Southwest salad is hardly worth the calorie count of funky chicken you might get.

In short: If you're getting a fast food salad, getting it from Wendy's. Unless it's the Spicy Chicken Caesar Salad. You can go right ahead and dump that out onto the ground and use it to start a compost pile, which you can use to grow some new vegetables, which you can then harvest and use to make a salad that isn't terrible.

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Ellanje Ferguson, MassLive.com

Afterglow Rating

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It turns out that, yes, there is such a thing as too many salads, and I've now found out how many that is. I didn't end up finishing every salad. At a certain point I hit a wall and started feeling one of the weirdest food comas I've had in a long time. I felt tired and overfull. But it was mostly vegetables in me, so I didn't quite feel like death. I also kept snacking on leftover croutons because I'm an idiot who doesn't know how to walk away from a salad bar, apparently.

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Ellanje Ferguson, MassLive.com

The final word

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You know what the weirdest part about having a about eight bagfuls of fast food salad is? It all still has that tell-tale "fast food" smell.

There's no innate small attached with salad ingredients, especially when the bulk of it is mixed greens. As a result, you still get that mysterious seasoning that's embedded deep within the crispy chicken. Sure, it's a table full of salads. but before long, you're sitting there with a familiar smell of McChickens drifting into your nose.

This whole endeavour has been like an out of body experience. Sure, I ate salads all day, but I also ate fast food all day. I feel simultaneously great and terrible, which really matches my outlook on 2018. There's room for optimism, but there's also a familiar smell that reminds me that nothing's really been fixed, no matter how much lettuce you throw at the problem.

"I ate it so you don't have to" is a regular food column looking at off-beat eats, both good and bad. It runs every other Thursday-ish at noon-ish.

You can send any praise/food suggestions to nomalley@masslive.com. Please send all criticisms about how I definitely just ate two of the same salads twice to kmaher@masslive.com. You can check out the rest of the series here.