LEIGH SALES, PRESENTER: Queensland politics has been getting lots of attention lately and it's caught the eye of John Clarke and Bryan Dawe.

BRYAN DAWE: Campbell Newman, thanks for joining us tonight.

JOHN CLARKE: It's good to be with you, Bryan, and good evening

BRYAN DAWE: You're in a bitta trouble at the moment.

JOHN CLARKE: Well, these things'll pass, Bryan, but, yeah, it's pretty tough at the moment, I have to say.

BRYAN DAWE: Tell us what happened.

JOHN CLARKE: Well, I sent away for a product, Bryan, not a cheap product, I might say. This is costing us a hell of a lot of money.

BRYAN DAWE: And what's the problem with the product?

JOHN CLARKE: Well it doesn't work, Bryan. It is non-functional. It's not the product I ordered.

BRYAN DAWE: OK. OK. OK, so when did you order it?

JOHN CLARKE: In about March, few months ago.

BRYAN DAWE: Yeah, and it arrived all right?

JOHN CLARKE: It arrived like a shot out of a gun, Bryan. There's no issue with delivery. Delivery was very quick.

BRYAN DAWE: So you checked everything that was in the box? It was all there?

JOHN CLARKE: Everything that was s'posed to be in the box was in the box. We put it together and it doesn't bloody well work, Bryan. It won't work.

BRYAN DAWE: OK, Campbell. What is the product and who's the supplier here?

JOHN CLARKE: Well, it's a state premiership, Bryan.

BRYAN DAWE: Well there are a number of state premierships.

JOHN CLARKE: There are. The product code on the one I've got is "QLD". They make a few of them.

BRYAN DAWE: Right, QLD. Yep.

JOHN CLARKE: I've got a mate in Victoria who's got the "VIC" model. He reckons that doesn't work either.

BRYAN DAWE: No, that's what we're hearing. And where did you actually get this from?

JOHN CLARKE: I got it in a public auction.

BRYAN DAWE: Oh, well, you won't be covered, you know. That's the problem.

JOHN CLARKE: I'm totally covered, Bryan. I have never been this covered. I don't want any more coverage. That's part of the ...

BRYAN DAWE: No, excuse me, Campbell. Campbell, you won't be covered by the warranty is what I'm saying here. OK?

JOHN CLARKE: Oh, I see. Yes.

BRYAN DAWE: Now you say it doesn't work. What actually is wrong with it?

JOHN CLARKE: Well on the box it looks like it's sitting on quite a broad base and it doesn't fall over all the time, Bryan.

BRYAN DAWE: Well hasn't yours got a base?

JOHN CLARKE: A very narrow base, Bryan, and it moves.

BRYAN DAWE: The base moves?

JOHN CLARKE: The base moves. We can't use it. It's lying down in the shed at the moment.

BRYAN DAWE: OK. Hang on, I've just got - I've found the model QLD. I'll run a few tests.

JOHN CLARKE: QLD.

BRYAN DAWE: Have you cancelled the Premier's Literary Award?

JOHN CLARKE: Yeah, done that.

BRYAN DAWE: Have you got the tourism valve fully opened?

JOHN CLARKE: Fully opened, Bryan, but there's no flow.

BRYAN DAWE: Is there a mining valve as well?

JOHN CLARKE: There is a mining valve, but it's mounted round the wrong way and it doesn't work either.

BRYAN DAWE: What do you mean it's mounted the wrong way?

JOHN CLARKE: It's mounted round the wrong way. It's s'posed to flow one way, Bryan, and it flows continuously bloody day and night in the other direction. It doesn't work.

BRYAN DAWE: Oh, well that sounds like a valve problem. Have you called the maker of the valve?

JOHN CLARKE: I have. Yeah, Clive his name is. He tells me that the valve is mounted correctly and if I didn't know how to use the thing, why did I get hold of it in the bloody first place?

BRYAN DAWE: Well he doesn't sound all that helpful.

JOHN CLARKE: He's very unhelpful, Clive, and unfortunately I can't get ridda Clive.

BRYAN DAWE: And why not?

JOHN CLARKE: Clive's not a public servant, he's an independent and self-employed valve technician, he tells me.

BRYAN DAWE: Well what did this Clive actually say?

JOHN CLARKE: He says, "Your call is important to us, you silly little clown. What do you want this time?"

BRYAN DAWE: Have you tried rebooting it?

JOHN CLARKE: I've tried everything, Bryan. Nothing works. I'm stuck with it, but it won't work. (Mobile phone rings).

BRYAN DAWE: Do you want to answer that?

JOHN CLARKE: No, no, that'll just be Clive. I'm not talking to him again. I am so sick of him, I cannot tell you. Why did I want this thing?