It’s not me, it’s you (Picture: Getty)

You have been single for years and years. And then you meet them.

They’re hot, hilarious, clever, not an obvious psycho. Bingo!

14 people tell us what they’d say to The One Who Got Away

And then you spot the cowboy boots. Why? Why would Baby Jesus do this to you?

Or maybe you’re fine with the ‘yee-huh?’ footwear – and it’s mention of our good Lord that makes you ‘Oh God’?


Go on, tell us, what’s the thang that would turn you off the (really bloody close to being) love of your life?

Belinda, 45, from Lincoln

‘I hate smokers.’

John, 33, from Sittingbourne

‘I struggle with smokers.’

Joe, 30, from Twickenham

‘Smoking. I hate people on fire.

‘Seriously, though – smoking. And wearing a ball gown on a blind date to the theatre. That. Probably.’

Nope (Picture: Getty)

Greg, 33, from Aldershot



‘Combat trousers – cut off at the knee – accessorised with Crocs and no socks, and topped off with a gilet or, God forbid, a tank top.’

Alison, 28, from south London

‘Man with matching ring, bracelet and necklace.

‘We went out for dinner, I paid, and 20 minutes later I was in Asda doing my weekly shopping on my own.’

Mick, 30, from Richmond

‘I’m not bothered by clothes or physical attributes – or even odd opinions. They all change. But if they said ‘pacific’ instead of ‘specific’, I don’t see how you can come back from that.’

Ellie, 27, from Minehead

‘Open-mouth chewing.’

Sal, 30, from Epping

‘Loud or open-mouth chewing. Loud breathing. Reusing a tissue (or worse, a handkerchief).’

Daniel, 36, from Kettering

‘Noisy eating. If the fork scrapes across her teeth once, or if there is even a suggestion of chomping/lip-smacking… Taxi for one!

‘Oh, and mouth-breathers can swipe left also. I am so picky and so very alone.’

Jimmy, 40, from Hemel Hempstead

‘If they used the term ‘nom nom’ when showing photos of food. Or just showing photos of food. Or ‘sleeps’. Or ‘holibobs’. Loads, really.’

Tasha, 31, from Wigan

‘A willy ring.’

Vince, 40, from Stirling

‘I know a woman who told me she has never given her husband a blow job. I mean, come on, no way would I be with someone like that. What’s life without blow jobs?’

Richard, 35, from Manchester

‘It was all going well until the purchase of a newspaper I don’t approve of. Luckily this was just 12 hours in so nobody cried.’

Paul, 32, from Cork

‘Deal-breaker? Finding out they vote Tory. I can forgive many things – but not that.’

Mathew, 45, east London

‘Pretty sure I’d struggle with a Tory.’

James, 39, from Brighton

‘Anyone who ticks one or more of these boxes: pro-Brexit, devoutly Christian, vegetarian/vegan, Tory, racist.’

Anna, 40, from London

‘Someone who makes assumptions about others as well as me, is religious, and/or doesn’t smell right. And obvious things like Tory/Nazi etc. Oh yes, and bad diet.’

Victoria, 38, from Poole

‘Racism, Brexiteer, unable to handle female success, stingy with money. And homophobia is a deal-breaker too.’

Kim, 28, from Leeds

‘Nose pickers. Snorters. Cat haters. Accountants. Tories. People who don’t like metal. Called Ivor.’

Lizzie, 36, from Liverpool

‘Smoker. Racist. No sense of humour.’

Jo, 40, from London

‘Racist, homophobic, bad breath, B.O., selfish, stingy, didn’t want kids.’

Stewart, 36, from Northampton

‘A horrendous accent. Pumps! A walk like a penguin.



‘Because pumps lead to penguin walks.

‘Right-wing views.’

Dom, 36, from Chichester

‘If they like Bon Jovi, it’s over.’

Sophie, 33, from Dublin

‘I can tolerate a lot. A lot if I think I love someone – but I cannot tolerate rock music.’

Christopher, 37, from Suffolk

‘Holding a knife like a pen. And a more recent addition – anyone using the expression ‘speak truth to power’. It makes me feel homicidal.’

Lucy, 35, from Holyhead

‘Anyone who’s ever ‘been on a journey’.’

Nadia, 36, from Edmonton

‘Anyone who speaks to OAPs or children like they’re halfwits who need everything explained in a slow, loud, voice using small words – maybe rudimentary visual aids – gets a punch in the throat and no more of my time.’

Bobby, 34, from north London

‘Nearly throttled a first date for repeatedly, and continuously, calling me ‘Old Man’. (I was two years older than her.)

‘She found my annoyance hilarious and thrived in the continual repetition – right up until I got up and walked out. Leaving her with the bill.’

Charles, 28, from Bristol

‘Deal-breaker? Inappropriate use of emojis.’

Alex, 30, from Oxford

‘Fantastic girl; filthy flat. Thanks, but no from me.’

Mark, 32, from Lewes

‘Christening/comforter blankets still in the possession of an adult.’

Lois, 22, from St Ives

‘I’ll tolerate anything.

‘Physical appearance doesn’t matter; interests and hobbies – no problem. I’ll deal with it all. Religion? Who cares.

‘But the second I see that motherf***er make a sandwich without buttering the bread, they can pack their bags and vacate the premises.’

Gems, 32, from Glasgow

‘We go on honeymoon. We’re deeply in love. We fly First Class. We stare lovingly into one another’s eyes. The plane touches down in paradise. He claps. That’s it. We’re f***ing done.’


Bibi has 2002 deal-breakers. Read about them at www.bibilynch.com

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