I Carter “Maximus” Reid have survived Arizona. Heed me younglings. Heed my words of warning that ye might not have to suffer as I have suffered.

Finally made it back from the Funeral in Arizona. A state I hate just a little bit more than the one I actually live in. It’s hot, there are no trees and ALL the dirt is red. RED! There are nice people there but I just can’t handle the heat enough to do it myself. Also I would occasionally like to see something green. They don’t have that in Arizona. It’s like a Mad Max movie there all the time, but with more sun mad road warriors.

The dirt is red! Did I mention that? That’s the same color of blood…. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

My wife, who’s from Arizona by the way, keeps trying to tell me that her home state has things like snow, trees, and occasionally even rain. I know these things to be heinous lies and it has been a constant thorn of contention in our relationship for over ten years.

I don’t know why she would continue to lie to me this way. It hurts me, hurts me down deep where I’m all spongy and soft.

Anyway, I’m back and the comic will continue. Hopefully more regularly.

Things you didn’t know about Arizona.

It is a blasted wasteland where the living envy the dead.

There are no basements in Arizona and you can’t dig holes for fear you’ll break through the roof of hell.

House Harkonnen and House Atreides constantly fight over “The Spice” there.

The entire state is warded by a mighty wall of fire to keep out the interlopers.

All residents of Arizona are made entirely of asbestos.

If you put your ear to the ground there you can hear the wailing of the damned.

Frank Herbert’s “Dune” was based on the state…. True story.

Mad Max was going to be filmed there, but the director thought Arizona was too desolate to be believed.

It does not rain in Arizona. That’s not water falling from the sky, it’s liquified despair.

“Yeah, but it’s a dry heat!” is the state motto.

They don’t have a state bird in Arizona as the state cannot actually support life.

When traveling to Arizona walk WITHOUT rhythm so you don’t attract the giant sand worms.

My wife loves Arizona and if she had her way we would be living there forever. I live in mortal terror of this ever happening. (Shudder)