Gather around, for I will tell you the tale of one whom embodies everything bad with your vassals…



There was once a duke who lived up to his 80s that kept screwing my wives through 3 generations, he had the highest intrigue in Europe at the time and solid martial to boot. I died the first time trying to duel him because he was strong, cruel, possessed and a duellist (probably from all the practice he got from cuckolding half of Europe).



I couldn't plot against him, p!ssing him off was not an option since he could easily manure-snake-pit explode me at will and had dozens of marriage ties from the lot of his bastards he sends off; making warring against him an ill option. He made Walder Frey look freakin chaste. I couldn't do sh!t. A few of his brood eventually inherited kingdoms, who then declared war on each other trying to take more of the pie.



Europe was torn with war and border gore by the third generation, I was fending my domain and taking weak counties when I could. That's when it hit me: I was playing as one of his bastards. At that point, half of my family tree probably was! A single man had ushered the age of complete devastaion through shreer 0rgasm, I haven't seen anything like it since.



War went on for almost a century before things finally calmed down when a bastard's descendant formed the HRE. There was a crusade eventually and I decided to check the Caliph's family tree because his mother was white, a couple parents later and freakin Duke J!zz HIMSELF is one of his ancestors. Apparently, a captured princess got 2nd wife'd. This cun+t of a hell spawn was STILL a pain in my as$ long after his demise.



I tried culling his dynasty but eventually lost from poor planning after the Mongols arrived but I'm sure if I survived, his soul would've found a way to impregnate the khanate as well. The Norse had also taken a few concubines of course.



Next time I'm EASILY playing Greek... Never again Duke J!zz… Never

Gather around, for I will tell you the tale of one whom embodies everything bad with your vassals… There was once a duke who lived up to his 80s that kept screwing my wives through 3 generations, he had the highest intrigue in Europe at the time and solid martial to boot. I died the first time trying to duel him because he was strong, cruel, possessed and a duellist (probably from all the practice he got from cuckolding half of Europe). I couldn't plot against him, p!ssing him off was not an option since he could easily manure-snake-pit explode me at will and had dozens of marriage ties from the lot of his bastards he sends off; making warring against him an ill option. He made Walder Frey look freakin chaste. I couldn't do [b]sh!t[/b]. A few of his brood eventually inherited kingdoms, who then declared war on each other trying to take more of the pie. Europe was torn with war and border gore by the third generation, I was fending my domain and taking weak counties when I could. That's when it hit me: I was playing as one of his bastards. At that point, half of my family tree probably was! A single man had ushered the age of complete devastaion through shreer 0rgasm, I haven't seen anything like it since. War went on for almost a century before things finally calmed down when a bastard's descendant formed the HRE. There was a crusade eventually and I decided to check the Caliph's family tree because his mother was white, a couple parents later and freakin Duke J!zz HIMSELF is one of his ancestors. Apparently, a captured princess got 2nd wife'd. This cun+t of a hell spawn was STILL a pain in my as$ long after his demise. I tried culling his dynasty but eventually lost from poor planning after the Mongols arrived but I'm sure if I survived, his soul would've found a way to impregnate the khanate as well. The Norse had also taken a few concubines of course. Next time I'm EASILY playing Greek... Never again Duke J!zz… Never Check this box if you received this product for free (?) Do you recommend this game? Yes No Cancel Save Changes