Name: Gucci.

Age: 96.

Appearance: Classic luxury, sometimes with a dark green and red stripe.

This is the fashion label, right? Even I’ve heard of Gucci. Yes, that’s right. After beginning as a leather goods brand in 1921, it became a global status symbol when Italy got cool in the 60s. Then, in the 80s, it descended into chaos, then Tom Ford made it cool again in the 90s, then it stopped being cool after he left in 2004. But it has been on the up again for the past couple of years.

Yeah. It’s almost as if, you know, fashion keeps changing. It certainly is. Because now Gucci’s on the up again. Again. Sales in the third quarter of this year are up an astonishing 49% compared with last year. And second-quarter sales were up 43%. Compare that with early 2016, when growth was almost flat. It is an amazing turnaround.

Isn’t it just Gucci’s turn to be cool? It shouldn’t be. On the whole, millennials have a taste for outsiders, alternatives, independents … so Gucci and the other fashion aristocrats have tended to struggle by comparison.

I see. Yet 55% of the company’s sales in the first three quarters of 2017 were to people under 35 – much higher than usual for a luxury brand.

Perhaps ironically liking Gucci now feels more independent-minded than sincerely liking something that is independent? I suppose that is possible. Gucci CEO Marco Bizzarri admits that he often consults with a special committee of twentysomethings to harvest their opinions.

Fashion by focus group? Could be. Although we shouldn’t rule out the possibility that the designs are good. Since 2015, Gucci has had a bold new creative director called Alessandro Michele, who has created what has become widely known as “new Gucci”.

What’s he into? What isn’t he into? You could describe his aesthetic as “maximalism”. He likes mixing eras and styles all over the place. Apparently he is great pals with Elton John, whose glam-rock outfits are an influence.

Seriously? Oh, yes. According to Vogue, Michele’s recent John-inspired designs include “a leather suit appliquéd with musical notes, a jacket with pom-poms, [a] purple sequinned [jacket] embellished with lime-green snakes, [and a] pink satin clown suit with swooping pagoda shoulders”.

Um … OK. Show some respect! Michele is one of fashion’s great geniuses at the moment.

Plus he is making a ton of money. That, too.

Do say: “Young people today, they think they’re so wacky.”

Don’t say: “Yeah. Fashion was much more sensible in the 70s.”