By Lois Allen

There’s hoarding and then there’s HOARDING. Stealing a truck that’s hauling about 18,000 pounds of bathroom paper products during a global pandemic during which the commodity has become invaluable to the panicked public likely falls into the all-caps category.

On Wednesday, March 25, deputies from the Kent County Sheriff’s office said they came across the 18-wheel tractor trailer as it was traveling on U.S. 131 near Cedar Springs.

It is unclear why they decided to follow the vehicle, but deputies said the excursion paid off. They followed the truck to a warehouse/dock facility near the interstate.

“After further investigation, it was determined the 53’ foot Hyundai dry-van trailer was reported stolen locally and was being utilized to transport nearly 18,000 pounds of bathroom paper products,” the department said.

Officials said it is an ongoing investigation and that no arrests have yet been made.

News of the discovery comes as grocery stores, big box chains and other retailers are struggling to keep toilet paper stocked on shelves by limiting purchases per customer, and lawmakers are trying to wipe out price gouging in cities across the country.

Kent County officials explained, “A convenience store touted toilet paper at $10 a roll next to a sign reading: ‘This is not a joke.’”

Not only is it not funny, the Justice Department has ordered U.S. attorneys to appoint specials coronavirus fraud coordinators. The department also rolled out a central fraud hotline (1-866-720-5721 or disaster@leo.gov) to report consumer abuses.

Ok, you might be wondering if this really happened. Something similar did happen, just not here. The real incident happened in Guildford County, North Carolina, believe it or not. Just google toilet paper truck and it should pop up.

If you happen to not have enough T.P. for now, don’t worry, they are making more every day right here in the USA. There will be more toilet paper. I’m getting low right now. Unfortunately, all stores remain completely out of stock. Hopefully it’s coming soon! Where’s the truck? In the meantime, I’ll be using tissue. In the old days, people used a good ole corn cob. Let’s hope it doesn’t get to that. If so, there’s plenty here in Cedar Springs just laying out there in the fields.

I’m sure this is having a psychological effect of all of us. Many years from now our grandchildren will be asking us, “Why do you keep so much toilet paper?” And then we can tell them about the time of COVID-19 and the great toilet paper shortage.

Have a happy April Fool’s Day? Maybe next year.

