Zoom in on and enhance a grainy, stamp-size photograph of another, even grainier photograph to find the image of a criminal’s face in a rearview-mirror reflection.

Use Wi-Fi to reprogram a bomb so that it plays Imagine Dragons’s “Radioactive” instead of detonating inside Buckingham Palace.

Determine which three shacks in the Adirondacks a kidnapper would be most likely to hide out in by analyzing his “Which ‘Game of Thrones’ Character Are You?” online quiz results.

Actually print a document without it being a huge fucking hassle.

Hijack a predator drone from Afghanistan by coloring in a certain number of cells in a spreadsheet using a trial version of Microsoft Excel.

Figure out the exact date and time that a murder was committed solely from a typo in the killer’s seven-year-old Yelp review of a now-closed Sbarro in New Jersey.

Bring down a serial killer by e-mailing him a JPEG of a bullet.

Date the female lead for an entire season.

Access the dark Web by entering the phrase “HACK HACK HACK” into a Yahoo Chess chat room.

Leave a coherent YouTube comment.

Reroute an escaped convict’s Uber to drive off a cliff, and then frame the innocent Uber driver for JonBenét Ramsey’s death, so that it looks like he deserved it.

3-D-print Tony Shalhoub so he can make a cameo.

Overturn the results of the 1986 Super Bowl by analyzing a CT scan of a butterfly’s brain.

Shut down the most technologically advanced military helicopter ever invented by AirDropping it a photo of the Bill of Rights.

Actually print a double-sided document without it being a huge double-sided fucking hassle.