Ronda Rousey’s trauma after her shock defeat to Holly Holm last year has been well documented but she has revealed new details of her feelings during a TV interview.



She gave her first sit-down interview since her defeat to Holm on Tuesday’s Ellen DeGeneres Show, and said she had felt suicidal immediately after being knocked out in Melbourne. One quote in particular gives insight into how much she had invested in her status as an unbeaten fighter:

“Honestly, my thought I was like, in the medical room and I was down in the corner,” an emotional Rousey told DeGeneres. “I was sitting in the corner [thinking[ like, ‘What am I anymore if I’m not this?’ And I was literally sitting there and thinking about killing myself and that exact second, I’m [thinking] ‘I’m nothing ... what do I do anymore and no one gives a shit about me anymore without this.’”

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Rousey emphasized that the feelings had been temporary. “To be honest, I looked up and I saw my man [UFC fighter Travis Browne] was standing up there and I looked up at him and I was like, I need to have his babies. I need to stay alive,” she said. “I don’t know if I’d have made it without him.”

Rousey also said that some positives had come from her defeat. “Maybe winning all the time isn’t what’s best for everybody ... maybe I had to be that example of picking myself up off the floor.”

While stating she did not want to make excuses for her defeat, Rousey said the build-up to the fight had not been “perfect”. “I think the one thing that was different was that it was my third title fight in nine months and I don’t think anyone has ever attempted that before,” Ronda said.

She added that she wants her next fight to be a rematch with Holm: “Of course I want to fight Holly. I want to beat her.”

• In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255. In the UK, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.