Although President Trump typed out a few tweets late Monday night, we can’t ignore that he largely ignored the desperate humanitarian needs of Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands in his recent race-and-nuclear-war-baiting tweet storms. It was almost as if he didn’t realize these islands are part of the United States. Maybe he misinterpreted that “West Side Story” number in which Rita Moreno sings about “wanting to be in America,” even while she’s in America. To help him realize the error of his ways, here are some reworked lyrics to clarify. Sing along with the original cast from the movie to help POTUS understand that, yes, Puerto Rico Is America :


Ricky? J.Lo? They’re Americans;

ANTHONY WEINER: Age of consent? It’s America’s!

PUTIN: But they can’t vote, for the president.

DON TRUMP, JR.: You’d like the city of San Juan;

ERIC TRUMP: Lots of cheap buildings and restaurants.

JARED: Hundreds of condos at half price;

BERNIE: But the folks there, they are taxed twice.

CHORUS: Puerto Rico’s in America!

Benicio del Toro? He’s American!

Rita Moreno? American!

Luis Fonsi? Yes! American!

JOHN KELLY: Helicopter over San Juan;

SARAH SANDERS: Here, put this POTUS hat on.

HOPE HICKS: You can pretend to hand out food;

KELLY: Then you can tweet. Once! To boost your mood.

SESSIONS: Can’t deport them from America;

SCHUMER: Their passports are blue — they’re American!

TRUMP: Nobody knows they’re American;

CHORUS: Everyone does! They’re American!

[DANCE BREAK — Please use the time to call your senators about Cassidy-Graham.]

SEAN HANNITY: They have TV now in San Juan;

FOX NEWS TEAM: All of the channels you like on!

STEVE MNUCHIN/TOM PRICE: Jet to golf courses right near towns;

MRS. MNUCHIN: Plenty of fabric for ball gowns!

BEAUTY PAGEANT CHORUS: Your Miss Universe was American!


MISS PUERTO RICO: Did you peep our drawers? We’re American!

MISS UNIVERSE WINNER, DAYANARA: Dayanara Torres, I’m American!

BEAUTY PAGEANT CHORUS: Four winners more – all American!

HILLARY: I’d have sent aid ships to San Juan.

CHORUS: Everyone’s waiting, so come on!

HILLARY: Put down the golf club and send help;

CHORUS: Or we’ll one-star your hotels when we’re on Yelp!

[SECOND DANCE BREAK – Please use this time to join the ACLU, if you haven’t already.]

KIM JONG UN: I’ll start nuclear war on America!

ALL: While you diss McCain more from America.

COLIN KAEPERNICK: Taking a knee for America!

STEPH CURRY: Shooting a three for America!

ALL: The people are “we.” It’s America! Boricua!

Debra A. Klein is a writer in San Francisco. Follow her on Twitter @IWishIHadTyped.