When I was little, my favorite book was Pat the Bunny. Do you remember that book? It had a cute little rabbit on the cover and he had a fluffy tail you could pet. It was a lot of fluffy bunnies and pastel colors and happy sentences and chunky pages. Your standard children’s book. It taught me to love hanging out on my bedroom floor with a bunch of fun reading material, something I still frequently enjoy doing on sleepy, rainy days.

I’m at an age now where friends are starting to have kids. Gasp, I know. It’s all very real. So real, in fact, that I haven’t really mustered up enough courage to wander into Babies R Us to get baby shower presents. Maybe I’m in denial. Whatever. I just don’t want my monthly bank statement to simultaneously list wine binges and sippy cup purchases.

Rewind to me being a cute little toddler fawning over a cherished copy of Pat the Bunny. “Books!” I said to myself, “I will mold these young minds with my favorite books!” And off to Barnes and Noble I ventured.

This is the best part of my seemingly endless and pointless story, so listen closely. As I located the children’s book section, my beloved Pat the Bunny was nowhere to be found. Kids these days are effed because the titles offered to them are seriously bizarre. Figuring no one would believe me, I went to Amazon.com this morning and looked up some of the books I found at the store, plus a few others. Yes, these are all real. Yes, I’m still looking for good baby gift options so send me suggestions.



[All images via Amazon.com]

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