crush me oh my gods you're strong.

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becauseyou'reallhereandthat'swaybetterthanbeingalone

o-o-o-o​

ravage

rampage

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"Well?" Jiraiya growled. "I can't hear your brains rattle from here."Hazō gulped but forced himself to speak up. He still took a moment to condense the questions as much as possible; Jiraiya's face was positively sagging with exhaustion and this was clearly a bad time to be fiddling about."Four questions, Lord Hokage," he said, clamping down hard on his diaphragm to keep his voice from shaking. "First, with the greatest respect to Minami and Akane"—he nodded to Minami—"Mari-sensei, Kagome-sensei, Keiko, Noburi, and I are privy to certain information that I don't think is available to them. Are we permitted to tell them about what we brought you when we came to Leaf, or about anything that happened in the other room a few minutes ago?"Jiraiya's lip twitched in a tiny fraction of a half-smile. "Very nice circumlocution, kid. You're learning some opsec." He scrubbed both hands across his face and sighed. "Yes, you can tell them about the skywalkers—you'll need to if you're going to use them...which, to be clear, you. The rest of it, no." He paused, then nodded to himself as a thought visibly bubbled up through the sludge of his tired brain. "Oh. Right. Minami, Ishihara, these people were all missing-nin a few weeks ago. Now I've married Inoue over there and adopted this bunch into my newly-formed clan. They're Leaf ninja in good standing and will be treated as such."Akane stared, dumbstruck, for a second before snapping to attention. "Yes, Lord Hokage!" The formality of the words was somewhat reduced by the massive cat-with-canary-feathers smile on her face. Minami was a split second behind her in acknowledging the order; her expression was surprise instead of delight.Jiraiya grunted. "'Lord Hokage'. Never expected to hear that." He shook his head and looked back at Hazō. "Three more, kid. Hurry up.""I could 'memorize' the letters if you wish, Lord Hokage. That would provide a backup in case the physical contents are lost.""Nope. Messages are confidential. Don't read 'em. Next.""Is there anything you would like me to think about while we're away, Lord Hokage? You know, like 'turn it upside down' problems?"Jiraiya glared. "Don't get a fat head, kid. One bright idea doesn't make you the only smart person in the world. We've got plenty of sealmasters here in Leaf, an entire clan of supergeniuses, and I've been known to have an idea or two myself.""Yes, Lord Hokage!" Hazō said, a nervous bead of sweat trickling down from his hairline."Anything?""Yes, Lord Hokage," Keiko said. "You said we had two hours to prepare. Would it be possible for us to obtain resources from some of the nonstandard options that were volunteered a few minutes ago?"Jiraiya snorted. "Desperate to get into that library, huh? Fine." He fumbled open the main drawer of the desk; for a split-second he froze, staring into the drawer as though it contained a venomous chakra snake. It lasted only an instant before he casually pulled out a sheet of paper and an elegant ivory-handled brush. He dipped the brush in the inkwell built into the desk and scribbled across the page before stamping it with a seal-inscribed stamp and handing the finished copy off to Keiko. "Won't do you much good in the limited time you have, but here you go. Don't abuse it or I'll ground you." The words were relaxed, almost enough to distract from the way Jiraiya set the brush down with exquisite, even reverent, care on the rest next to the inkwell.Keiko took the paper with a combination of muted glee andthat Hazō found frankly disturbing. "Thank you, Lord Hokage," she said with the deepest bow Hazō had ever seen her make that wasn't a full dogeza. "Thank you very much."Jiraiya chuckled. "Yeah, well, just don't get the Nara mad at me by looting the place.""Yes, Lord Hokage!"The tired Sage snorted in amusement. "Okay, are we done?""Yes, sir," Hazō said. "And may I say, Clan Leader sir...I hope this isn't presumptuous, but I believe I speak for the others when I say we think of you not just as our Hokage, or as our Clan Leader, but as a member of Team Uplift. We have your back, sir. No matter what."Jiraiya chuckled. "I suppose that's a good thing, huh? After all, we've already seen that you're willing to go pretty damn far for your team."Hazō grinned. "Damn straight, sir.""Heh." Jiraiya eyed them (fondly?) for a moment, then waved his hands at them like a farmwife shooing chickens. "Well? What are you waiting for, a medal? Go on, git."For a year and a half Team Uplift had been living in each others' pockets, sharing the same jokes about bad food and rough living, grumbling about late-night guard duty, and standing back to back while killing everything that moved. They had killed chakra monsters, slaughtered war tapirs, decimated an enemy ninja village, and captured an insane sealmistress. They had crushed the backwoods of Iron and Tea beneath their heels and made those places their own. Each of them knew the rhythm of the others' breathing when they slept and the specifics of the dreams that wrenched them awake in the middle of the night, wide-eyed and drenched in sweat. They knew the signs of Keiko's depression spirals and that poking her into indignation was the best way to stop them. They knew Noburi's body issues and to avoid compliments on his growing musculature that would be misconstrued as mockery. They knew Hazō's verbal clumsiness and the way his brain often ran faster than his mouth. They knew the wide-eyed terror of loss and loneliness that occasionally burst from behind Kagome's paranoia and that the best way to avert it was to hold his gaze and use words like 'team' and 'home' and 'us'. No matter how much social awkwardness there still was, no matter how much uncomfortable teen drama still existed, they were a finely-tuned military unit with a level of integration that often bordered on the telepathic. It was not even remotely surprising to Hazō when Keiko and Noburi snapped to attention alongside him, and only slightly surprising when Kagome-sensei joined in.Four heels hit the ground in unison, four fists slapped against chests with one sound, four voices chorused the words: "YES, LORD HOKAGE!" Moving as one, they pivoted on their heels and vanished through the door. Akane and Minami were slow off the mark in following them, both women wide-eyed in surprise.Of course, the moment of awesome was ruined when they got into the hall and realized that they had no idea where to go from there. Fortunately, the door clicked shut behind their teammates, preventing Jiraiya or Mari-sensei from seeing the pileup in the corridor."Sensei, you're back!" Akane said, her face glowing.Hazō stepped close to her and totally ignored the presence of the others as he cupped his hands around her face. "Akane," he said quietly. "I have missed you so much. I have been an idiot about many, many things, but I care deeply about you. This mission is urgent and we have almost no time to prepare, but as soon as we have a chance to talk privately I would like to sit down and go over aof things. Still, rushed or not, I'd really like to hug you right now."Her face had gone beet red as he talked, the heat of her blush feeling like it would burn his hands. At his last words she lunged forward, wrapping both arms around him. Hazō's eyes went wide in panic. "Please don'tHer arms sprang open and she jumped back, delighted-face sliding into horrified-face as she checked to make sure he wasn't in need of medical attention."It's...okay," Hazō wheezed, bending over and clutching his ribs with one hand, waving the other in a gesture that was somewhere between reassurance and 'I pray to every kami that you please don't hurt me again.' "It's...fine. I'm fine. Give me a second.""Dude," Noburi said. "Youhad that coming.""Akane," Keiko said, her voice utterly flat, "that was extremely youthful."Three pairs of eyes locked onto Keiko in shock. Noburi's hand reflexively caught Kagome-sensei's arm to stop the demolitionist's grab for explosives. Minami looked from one of her new teammates to the next, frowning in confusion."Keiko..." Hazō said carefully."Did...did you just?" Noburi asked."All right you stinker, you can't fool me! What have you done with our Keiko! You give her back right now or so help me—"Keiko tipped her head and frowned. "As they were showing me around the library complex, one of the Nara engaged me in a conversation about social dynamics. She indicated that in-jokes provided an excellent method for inducing team bonding, and even helped me prepare several witticisms and work on my delivery. Apparently I need more practice."Everyone relaxed and Kagome-sensei stopped trying to fight free of Noburi's hand."Aaaaaand, all is right with the world again," Noburi said.Keiko's frown deepened. "I am uncertain, but I believe that was sardonic humor for purposes of stress relief. Is that an accurate assessment?"A wave of amused snorts swept around the group, passing completely around a more and more confused Minami."Keiko," Mari-sensei said reprovingly from near the door. (When had she appeared?! Hazō had been looking in that direction!) "Did you just deliver a second-level setup and punchline aimed at causing team bonding by reminding the rest of the team in an amusing way about your social discomfort?""...No?"Hazō stared at her for a long second before laughing so hard he had to squeeze his bruised ribs to keep them from hurting. "That is so Nara," he gasped."You people are weird," Minami muttered."Come along, children," Mari-sensei said, sweeping past. "No talking in the halls."weird," Minami muttered more quietly."Sensei, a word?" Hazō asked quietly once they had exited the Tower and made it a few blocks away.Mari-sensei did not slow her quickstep pace. "Hm?""Seriously, sensei, hold up," Noburi said.The redhead came to a halt and ducked into an alley before turning to face them."We need to get you guys equipped and out of here," she said. "There's not a lot of time.""It can wait a minute," Kagome-sensei grumbled. "More important stuff to do."One delicately-styled eyebrow went up in a wordless yet extremely thorough monograph of dubiousness. "Do tell?""Um...well..." Kagome-sensei scuffed the ground with his toe, looking away with his hands in his pockets. "Wanted to say thanks for...stuff. You know, like...um...being...um...y'know, in case we don't, uh....""What he means is that we haven't really taken the time to thank you," Hazō said. "And we want to take the chance while we have it.""You were the one who got us adopted here," Noburi said. "I thought we were going to be let in on sufferance and do D-ranks for the rest of our lives while being watched like hawks. Then, when Jiraiya agreed to the clan thing I thought he would eventually go 'haha, I have fooled you!' and take it all away. I never dreamed it could go like this.""Indeed," Keiko said. "I am uncertain how you actually feel about the prospect of marriage to Jiraiya. It...might be something that pleases you?" Her tone put that idea in the same category as 'Kagome might perform stand-up comedy'. "Or perhaps it is a burden and a sacrifice that you made for us. I very much hope it is the former.""You mean a lot to us, sensei," Noburi said quietly. "We literally wouldn't be alive without you.""Leaving aside the question of being dead without you, we wouldn't be the same people without you," Hazō said. He looked around at his brothers- and sisters-in-arms, giving them collectively a nod of satisfaction. "I like who we are.""What he said," Kagome-sensei mumbled, looking at the ground. "Still be in the woods. Safe, sure, but...lonely. This is better." He paused, then hurried to add, "And not just because we've got Jiraiya-stinker willing to melt the face off anyone who bugs us, and all the chocolate and sealing paper I could want. Better because...um...because......and, um...yeah."Mari-sensei smiled and stretched up on tiptoe so she could kiss his cheek. "I like you too, Kagome," she said, patting his arm. "We all do. I'm glad you're with us, and not just because you keep us all safe and blow things up so well. We all like you because you're you." She leaned in and hugged him, her head on his thin chest as she squeezed tight.Kagome-sensei was practically flailing in panic. "Uh...uh....""Group hug!" Akane yelled, sweeping Noburi and Hazō together with their teachers and wrapping her arms around all of them."Please don't crush us," Noburi begged. Hazō and Mari-sensei laughed nervously. Kagome-sensei, his arms now pinned at the center of the hug, was making frightened-bird noises which everyone ignored.Akane laughed and squeezed very gently while offering Keiko a tipped head of invitation.Keiko looked at Akane, then looked at the panicky Kagome. Then looked at Akane. Very slowly, she spread her arms and stepped forward a tiny little baby step before hesitating. She gathered herself as if preparing to plunge into icy water, then leaned forward and very briefly touched her extended arms around her team before jumping back as though burned.Akane squeezed tight, eliciting a collective, and then stepped back with a smile.Hazō held on a moment longer (and absolutely not because he needed the support while he got his lungs working again), then stepped back."We love you, Mari-sensei," he said."Mr. MEW there beat me to it," Noburi grumped. "I was going to say that first."Keiko hesitated. "Conditional on the recognition that my feelings are of a purely platonic, student/teacher nature representing affection and respect and not any other form that would be inappropriate or disruptive to team dynamics, then I too love you, sensei.""Well, don't you know how to flatter a girl, you smooth talker you," Mari-sensei teased. Keiko blushed and looked away."Thank you all," the redhead continued, looking around the circle with a suspicious mist in her eyes before turning to Minami. "You take good care of my kids, okay? If you don't I'll hunt you down and make you eat my congee every day for the rest of your life."Team Uplift recoiled in horror. "Sensei! Couldn't you just torture her to death instead?" Noburi asked. "It would be so much more humane."Mari-sensei blew a raspberry at him before turning and starting to stride down the street again. "Come on, you lot," she called over her shoulder. "We need to get you—" She paused before she'd even left the alley, then turned back to Hazō."I was going to take you to the armory," she said. "However, it occurs to me that perhaps the Great Planner has some suggestions?" She applied the Eyebrow of Amusement no Jutsu smackdown with great fervor."Uh...right," Hazō said. He paused, taking a deep breath. "Okay. I can think of a lot of things that would be useful—""Don't worry, kids," Minami said brightly. "There's a standard pre-mission checklist that we can u—""Don't mention lists," Noburi said fervently."Indeed," said Keiko. "Hazō, you were saying?""...ah, well, there's a bunch of things, and I think we'll need to split up to get it all done in time.""Hazō, did you learnfrom all those games of Dungeon Walk?" Noburi said. "What's the first rule? 'Never split the party'.""Stupid," Kagome-sensei grumbled. "Minute you split up the stinkers'll splat you. We're almost out of here, no need to take stupid risks.""Excuse me," Minami said. "I think—""What were you thinking we needed, anyway?" Noburi asked.Hazō glanced back and forth between his teammate and his putative team leader. "Um, well, Keiko needs kunai and shuriken. I know you already have a bunch, but we're going to be out for a long time and we have no idea when we'll be able to resupply.""We can get those at the armory," Mari-sensei said. "Which is where I was going.""Right. Well, we also need rations—""Got two weeks for all six of us in my scrolls," Kagome-sensei said. "Like I'm going to let the stinkers starve us or serve us poisoned food or put those mind-control drugs in the peppers, or—""—and sealing paper and inkstones—""Good thought. I've only got ten thousand sheets, we should definitely get more. Can never have too many." Incisive nod."...okay, well, water supply—""We're headed to River," Noburi pointed out. "Plenty of water around.""But it might not be—" Minami began."And I can sterilize it with medical chakra," Noburi added. "So, not an issue.""We should—" the young woman tried."It would still be wise to bring a supply," Keiko said. "Jiraiya said we would be going 'counterclockwise around the Elemental Nations'. That might include low-water countries such as Wind.""We can—""Right," Noburi said. "From what I saw last time we were at the supply depot they keep the water in large barrels and dole it out into smaller containers for deployments—apparently storage scrolls aren't as common around here for some bizarre reason that has nothing to do with not every team having a pair of sealsmiths running around with them. Anyway, we can requisition some of the barrels. They're probably too heavy to store while full but we can fill them part way and if I lost my barrel I could convert one of those more easily than I could build a new one from scratch.""Why do you—""What does our supply of seals look like?" Keiko asked. "I have thirty-seven PMYF seals, two hundred and nineteen explosive tags—""Two hundred and nineteen?!" Minami gasped. "That's crazy!""Two hundred and nineteen?!" Kagome-sensei gasped. "That's crazy! Why didn't you tell me you were running low? Stupid girl, running out of explosives! What have I taught you? Huh? Huh?!""'All problems can be solved with explosives'," chanted Akane, Noburi, Keiko, Hazō, and Mari-sensei in unison. "'If a problem cannot be solved with explosives, you are not using enough explosives.'"Minami looked from one face to another. "What in thedo you need that many tags for?""You're kinda stupid, aren't you?" Kagome-sensei asked."What Kagometo say," Mari-sensei hurried to add, "was that we've spent a year and a half out in the cold with no one to depend on but ourselves. There are a lot of nasty things out there and having a nice thick layer of stuff that goes boom between yourself and the nasties can be very reassuring.""Also, they are useful if you find yourself buried alive in a cave," Keiko said."Or being attacked by a few dozen dirt-surfing ninja hicks and their magical pets," Noburi said."There are some utility options as well," Hazō added. "For example, chopping firewood with an explosive tag is much easier than doing it with an axe."Minami blinked, clearly boggled at the idea of using expensive ninja equipment in lieu of a hundred-ryo axe."You'll get used to it," Mari-sensei said kindly. "We do things a little differently from most teams, but it's worked pretty well so far.""How are you fixed for macerators, Keiko?" Hazō asked."Six, with various settings," she said. "And one hundred skywalkers.""Noburi?""About five hundred explosives, ten PMYFs, a hundred skywalkers. Only the one macerator, though. I'm just using it for cooking since I can't use them and my Water Whip at the same time without tripping over my own feet.""What are macerators?" Minami asked. "And how do you use them for cooking?""Storage tag that chews things up," Hazō said. "You can set how small they grind the thing and how fast they spit it out. They're great for grinding chakra dragonflies up for their paralytic wing dust, and for dicing vegetables. Also, if you feed in something like glass and set them to spit it out really fast they work reasonably well as an area-effect ranged weapon.""It would be simpler just to use a jutsu," said Minami. "I know some good ones; I'm happy to teach you if you're lightning aspect. Jutsu are generally better than seals. Seals can be taken away, or get spoiled. And they're expensive.""See? Dumbbutt. Should definitely leave her here.""Well, Kagome-sensei and I make all the seals for the team, so cost isn't an issue," Hazō said, manfully ignoring his teacher. "And yes, they can be ruined or lost. On the other hand they don't need chakra, can be used by anyone without regard to elemental affinities, take no time to learn, and they give melee fighters like me and Noburi a ranged option. Macerators in particular are also really flexible because you can put different things in them to achieve different goals. Speaking of which, we'll want to load up on a few different macerator payloads. I'm thinking some kind of stinky stuff for when we need to cover our tracks—""I've got a dead chakra skunk that I gathered the first time we were in Iron," Noburi said. "I kept meaning to bring it up and then getting distracted.""You became distracted about offering resources to your team?" Minami asked, eyebrows raised."Yeah, well, there was this little matter of becoming a medic-nin, killing a couple of jōnin—""Only the one jōnin," Keiko corrected pedantically. "The other one got buried when the building collapsed.""—killingjōnin, dropping a building on another, blowing up or burning down most of a forest, and then being tracked down by an S-rank spymaster and forced to go hunting for...well, let's call it 'big game' and leave it at that."Minami stared for a moment, then smiled and nodded. "Oh, I see," she said. "You're pulling my leg. Hazing the new girl, huh? That's fine."Hazō, Noburi, and Keiko looked at her silently, then turned back to their own discussion."Anyway, the stuff positively reeks," Noburi said. "Should work fine. Might be a good idea to get some perfume or something like that as well. Gives us better options.""Lamp oil," Kagome-sensei suggested. "Good for light, but I bet the firelog trick'll work even better if we mix some lamp oil in. Extra-crispy stinkers.""The Yamanaka have several flower shops which they use for, among other things, perfumes," Keiko suggested. "I doubt they are open at the moment, but I suspect that Ino will have a plentiful supply. It would be rude, but I find it likely that she would be willing to give us some if Hazō woke her up and asked...nicely." Her tone was so dry that every water source within fifty miles instantly evaporated.Akane raised an eyebrow."Right!" Hazō said quickly. "That is totally a thing we should not do. No, we'll find some along the way somewhere. Some irritants would be good though." He turned to Kagome-sensei. "Sensei, do you have any of those insanity peppers that you put in the chili that one time?""Wasn't that hot," Kagome-sensei grumbled. "Bunch of pansies, all of you. Anyway, no. You guys were so whiney about it that I threw them away. ""Pepper bombs are generally discouraged for squad use," Minami said. "Too easy to have friendly fire.""I have some spicy red peppers in my quarters," Akane offered."The pansy kind or the spicy kind?" Kagome-sensei demanded."Well, I think they're pretty spicy....""Pansy kind. Hmph. Fine, whatever. Better than nothing if we have to do any of that stinking 'non-lethal' stuff." He made the air quotes with his fingers. "Stupid stinking idea. If you're throwing something at someone it should splat 'em.""Capture missions are very useful," Minami said. "You can interrogate prisoners, or—""Yep. Stupid." Kagome-sensei turned to the rest of the team and jerked a thumb at Minami. "Think anyone would notice if we left her behind?""Hey!""Kagome, be nice," Mari-sensei chided.Kagome-sensei looked at her with kicked-puppy eyes. "Ibeing nice. Didn't say a single thing about splatting her, even though that would be way easier than leaving her here. We'd have to tie her up so she didn't follow us. Well, or break her legs. And it's not as if she'd be really useful if we did drag her dumb butt along. Can't afford to have an idiot on watch, after all." He snorted. "I mean, come on. She doesn't even know what explosives are for!" He eyed the Leaf ninja speculatively. "They've got good medic-nin here, right?" he asked hopefully.Minami shifted her weight into a ready stance, looking nervously back and forth between her new 'teammates'."Kagome,," Mari-sensei said firmly. "Minami is your squad leader and teammate. You will treat her with the same respect you've given me."Kagome-sensei looked at the redhead, who had her fists on her hips while wearing the Resolve Face. Then he looked at Minami. Then he looked back at the redhead."Fine, whatever," he grumbled. "Just don't come crying to me when Ms. Dumbbutt here gets us all killed because she doesn't even know how to do proper reconnaisance.""I am not a dumbutt! And of course I know how to do reconnaissance!" Minami said. "It's a standard part of the Leaf Academy education!""Uh-huh," the sealmaster said dubiously. "How do you do it, then?""Well, you make sure you're approaching from downwind, using all available terrain features for concealment, and—""Wrong! You throw some explosive tags in and see what comes flying out!" He turned to the rest of the team. "Are youwe can't leave her here? Maybe exchange her for a better one?"Noburi's face was suspiciously straight and his voice wobbled very slightly with what very definitely was not suppressed laughter. "Yes, Kagome. As Mari-sensei said, Minami is our squad leader now.""Ms. Dumbbutt's notsquad leader," Kagome muttered. The complaining continued from there but his voice dropped low enough that only the occasional word or phrase ('stinking', 'get us all killed', 'Dumbbutt', 'but') could be understood."I promise, they're a good team," Mari-sensei said, patting Minami's arm. "You'll do fine with them.""Uh-huh," Minami said, eyeing her theoretical subordinates. She pulled herself erect and put her hands on her hips, her voice shifting into what she probably thought a squad leader sounded like. "Right. Well, the first thing we'll need to do is go to the armory to get you kids kitted out, since all of you seem to be underequipped. We'll get you some field packs and—""I've still got a skytower in my scroll, and I'm carrying a half dozen sets of 5SB seals," Hazō said. "You guys?""Still got my skytower structure," Noburi said. "Three sets of seals. Keiko?""I have my structure," Keiko said. "As well as my full complement of three sets of seals. Kagome?""Obviously I still have my skytower and the seals," Kagome-sensei grumbled. "Why wouldn't I? You think I'd throw out perfectly good seals? Even Ms. Dumbbutt here isn'tstupid." He paused and turned to Minami. "You're not, are you?"" Minami said. "Kagome, I believe you mentioned that you had at least a week of trail food for everyone, but standard doctrine is that every operative must have one week's supply on their person. We'll get that at the depot, along with more kunai and shuriken for Keiko, and some lamp oil for Kagome. Barrels are too heavy, but we can get some canteens. As to scented materials, I don't think that's a good idea. The smell could attract chakra beasts.""Speaking of chakra beasts," Mari-sensei said, "you can have my tower and seals, since I won't need them here in Leaf." She held out a scroll; Hazō hesitated for a moment then took it with a grateful nod."Can't have you guys get stuck sleeping on the ground, right?" theirteam leader said with a smile."Do you usually sleep in trees?" Minami asked, frowning. "That can actually be very dangerous. There are tree snakes in Fire that—""Been there, killed that," Noburi said."Oh. Well, they aren't common, but we do have some trees with ants that have acid—""Saw that, steered clear.""Well, there are—""And I thoughtwas oblivious," Kagome-sensei said. "Seriously, are youwe have to bring her?""What are you talking about?" Minami snapped. "I am not oblivious!"The sealmaster snorted. "Well, then I guess you're just stupid. We keep telling you that we've done that, been there, killed that, and you keep not listening. How many missions have you done outside of Leaf?""Lots! Civilian protection, courier missions, a bunch of search and destroys on chakra beasts and bandits, other stuff. A dozen or so A-ranks, twenty-seven B-ranks, and more C-ranks than I can remember."The team exchanged looks.Mari-sensei cleared her throat. "If you don't mind me asking...how old are you, Minami?""Seventeen, why?""You graduated on time? At twelve?""Yes...?"Mari-sensei hesitated, clearly looking for the right words. "How much time have you spent in the field at night? Not in a pre-built outpost, in a shelter that you prepared yourself."The girl paused, counting on her fingers in an unreassuring way. "Probably...thirty or forty nights," she said. "Like I said, I've done a dozen A-rank missions but they've mostly been out-and-backs, or else we stayed at the waystations on the roads.""And how many chakra-enabled encounters have you had, where an encounter is defined as a hostile contact with a chakra beast or enemy ninja possessing hostile intent and the plausible capability of causing injury or death?""Maybe...fifteen enemy ninja. Lots of chakra beasts, though. At least a hundred, maybe two.""Okay," Mari-sensei said. "Well, my kids are three years younger than you. I'd need to check my journals to get the exact numbers, but they've spent on the order of four hundred nights sleeping in the field and a hundred in populated locations that count as hostile territory. They've had hostile encounters, almost always including actual combat, with at least three dozen genin, ten or fifteen chūnin, and half a dozen jōnin. Most of those ninja are dead now. And the team has collectively killed something on the order of two thousand chakra beasts."Minami gaped in shock."Told you," Kagome grunted. "Been there, killed that.""Maybe this would be a good time to exchange capabilities information?" Mari-sensei said kindly. "Rough-field training is one thing, but with the educational opportunities here in Leaf I'm sure you have a great deal to offer.""Yes, absolutely. Well, first, I have a bloodline," she said proudly. "I can manifest an invisible chakra prism that I can see through from long distances.""My bloodline lets me drain people's chakra through any water we're both touching," Noburi said. "I can tell where they are, roughly how much chakra they have, and if I can actually touch them I can identify one of their elemental natures. When I drain chakra I put it into the water in my barrel and anyone who drinks from the barrel gets the chakra. It means we can run ten hours a day for most of a week without stopping. Oh, and Hazō's bloodline gives him a phenomenal kinesthetic sense that makes him a monster at taijutsu. Keiko's makes her a genius on the level of the Nara.""I, uh, have several lightning jutsu? I can make lightning tendrils.""Water tendrils, plus a half-dome shield.""I have a lightning boost ability that lets me counterattack with great power!""Akane's jutsu lets her tank hits from a taijutsu-specialist jōnin.""Please do not drag me into your kunai-measuring contest, Noburi.""I have a static discharge jutsu that lets me shock everyone in range.""Between me, Keiko, Hazō, and Kagome we're carrying about three thousand explosive tags."Kagome snorted. "Three?""I can absorb power from any jutsu used near my prism and then use it to boost my jutsu.""Keiko is the Pangolin Summoner.""...""Like I said: been there, killed that.""On other topics that are less related to the measuring of genitalia," Hazō said. "Keiko, is Pandour still with the Toads and can we still use him for message relays?"She nodded. "Yes. He was scheduled to remain there for the rest of the month but I could ask him to extend his stay if necessary.""Great, that'll let us get news back to Jiraiya quickly. What check-in schedule did you arrange?""I haven't been using it while we've been here, but now that we're going out to the field I will summon him at sundown each day in order to verify that both of us are still alive, and to pass on whatever information we have."Keiko dead eyes bored into Minami's as she said, "I gazed into the maddened soul of the Out and did not flinch when it gazed back into mine.""...""So, Team Leader," Hazō said, desperately trying to interject before relations with their Jiraiya-assigned leader were irreparably destroyed, or the girl developed an inferiority complex. "Just so you're aware, we will have near real-time communications with Leaf. Keiko summons Pandour, gives...him?""You were uncertain of Pandour's gender?" Keiko asked. "Are you saying that all pangolin look alike to you?""Be nice, Keiko," scolded the world's best apprentice and girlfriend and oh boy were there some things to sort out in that phrasing. "Don't tease him, he's dealing with a lot right now.""Hmph," Keiko said. "I have been attempting to work on aspects of my social interactions that I have not felt comfortable with in the past, but perhaps you are correct that now is not the time." She turned to Minami. "As Hazō says, we will have near real-time communication with Leaf. I summon Pandour and give him the message, then he returns to the Summon Realm. He is currently stationed at the Pangolin embassy in Toad Clan territory. He gives the message to one of the Toads who is contracted to Jiraiya. Jiraiya will summon that toad periodically in order to get the latest messages. Typically that would happen once every twenty-four hours." She smiled faintly. "The Pangolins were very confused about why we chose such a strange schedule, and Pandour is a bit irritated at the way I keep interrupting his sleep as his day/night cycle drifts in and out of alignment with ours.""Right," Minami said, in a I-am-now-beyond-surprise voice. "Of course.""In any case," Hazō said, "Minami, I wanted to ask you about rules of engagement. When do we disengage from combat, what level of risk is acceptable, what code words do you use for various protocols, that sort of thing?""This is a series of courier missions," Minami said. "That means that getting the message through is what matters. Well, and keeping you three alive since apparently you're all Jiraiya's kids."Were there such a thing as the Kill You With My Brain no Jutsu, Minami would have exploded."We are not to be coddled," Keiko hissed.Minami shrugged. "Hey, it's okay. Everyone knows that the kids from the big clans get the good missions. Don't worry, I don't hold it against you.""Minami, this might not be the tack you want to take," said Mari-sensei warningly. "These kids are proven ninja and they weren't Jiraiya's clan until about half an hour ago. He's sending them on this mission to get them out of his hair, not as a reward.""Oh," said the Leaf nin. "Well, anyway, we were told that the messages must be delivered with maximum speed. Where possible we will avoid combat. When we cannot avoid it we will disengage and evade as quickly as possible concordant with not losing time. Wakahisa, if your bloodline will in fact enable us to run ten hours a day then we shall make the most of that ability. At the supply depot we'll get you all copies of the basic protocol manuals so that you can learn standard Leaf attack orders and such.""May I offer a suggestion?" Mari-sensei said diffidently."Of course!""Our team has evolved a unique series of combat-related code phrases. Instead of having Hazō, Noburi, Keiko, and Kagome all learn the Leaf protocols while in the field, it might work better for you to learn ours for now and the kids study the Leaf ones for the next mission. Akane is already familiar with both ours and Leaf's so it won't be an issue for her either way."Minami hesitated for a moment, then nodded with a smile that looked only slightly painted on. "Thank you, that's an excellent idea. I will do that." She took a deep breath as though centering herself; her smile got slightly wider and a touch more brittle. "Now, I think it might make sense for us to get moving? We still need to get to the armoury and get you all equipped.""I have my essential supplies in my go bag," Keiko said, tapping the wooden scrollcase at her belt. "The remainder of my equipment is in my field pack back in our quarters. Another hundred kunai would be useful, but someone else could pick those up for me. It is more important that I go to the Nara library. Lord Hokage gave me a pass to visit it. There will be maps, climatological and economic data, and threat analyses for all of the nations that we will be passing through.""Also, seals," Hazō said hungrily."We don't have time for you to be recording seals," Minami said...then hesitated. "Unless you have some trick for doing so quickly?""Yup."Minami sighed. "Of course you do. Fine. You and Mori go to the Nara library. Wakahisa, Kagome, you're with me. We're going to the supply depot.""Look, I don't need to take any of the books," Hazō whined. "I just want to read them."The Nara clan librarian was grouchy about being woken up from a sound sleep in the middle of the night by a pair of young brats no older than his grandchildren. Keiko's authorization from the Hokage (the handwriting was Jiraiya's but the seal checked out so the Hokage must have authorized it) was enough to get the two in the door and let Keikoreview the cartography section. It was not, however, enough to let Hazō into the sealing library."Do you have a specific authorization from the Hokage or Lord Nara?""No?""Then you don't get in.""But—!""I will note," Keiko said, returning from herrummaging, "that there is an excellent chance I will be marrying Nara Shikamaru in the near future. Hazō is my teammate and I would appreciate it if you could make available at least one book of beginner seals, simply so he can get an idea of what sort of things the Nara library has available. It will be useful for when he wants to trade with our clan to buy seals."The librarian eyed her for a moment before going wide-eyed. "I thought you looked familiar," he said. "You're the one all the time has been changing hands over."She shrugged. "I suppose. Now, about that book?"The librarian thought about that. "Well, if all you want is to know what seals we have I could just give you a verbal list.""No! That—""—won't do," Keiko said. "Our team was fooled by that trick once before, where multiple names were given to the same seal and we received the value of three seals for the price of six. Hazō will need to see that the seals attached to the names are distinct."The librarian thought some more, then shrugged. "Fine. You can skim through one of the beginner books just so you can see that we have a lot of seals to offer. I'm covering up everything except the seal and the name, though.""That's fine," Hazō said, desperately trying to suppress the sharklike grin that was fighting to split his face.The night was still pitch black as the newly-reunited Team Uplift, minus their leader and plus Minami, loped out the gates of Konoha into the dangerous, pitch-black night of the Land of Fire. There were lethal monsters, enemy ninja, and hundreds—possibly thousands—of miles ahead of them.Hazō couldn't wait.This update covered 1 hour and 57 minutes. Keiko snarfled several sets of maps, climate data, and general information related to the countries you will be visiting. (She took the list of delivery sites in with her.) Hazō managed to look at eight different seals although he has no idea what any of them do. We'll get back to you once we have the list.Vote time! What to do now?Voting ends on Wednesday, May 10, 2017, at 12pm London time.