Some customers of the Winchester Ale-8-One District (WA81D) in Clark County are on a boil Ale-8-One advisory due to a far too awesome amount of flavor and caffeine found in their main ginger ale line. The city of Winchester has confirmed with the WA81D that the boil advisory will continue indefinitely.

In order to lift the boil Ale-8-One advisory, 81 random samples throughout the “city” of Winchester must show adequate “fizzy tastesplosion” levels and be absent of bacteria and boredom. Soda quality analyst Dr. Jen Pepper says, “Right now that ginger ale goop is bein’ sent through the main lines at barrel proof. So what we’re seein’ in the bottle, is more of an Ale 9, and legally it needs to be at more of an 8, or an 8.1, if you want it to be legal for public consumption.”

City Officials (Lee Cruse’s kinfolk) maintain that while these levels of “Rad Flavortude” are on the high side, they are still at acceptable levels for public consumption. Officials want to remind residents that during the boil advisory it is not safe to drink or brush your teeth with the delicious beverage, however it is still ok to use Ale-8-1 to bathe or wash clothes as normal.

Of the Winchester residents interviewed, many weren’t concerned by the advisory. “I keep a pot of Ale-8 boiling all day anyway. Really adds some nice flavor to my Burgoo,” commented Georgia Rodgers, self-proclaimed Burgoo Queen of Clark County.

The WA81D plans to monitor the samples and test them by pairing them with different bourbons over the weekend. Officials are hopeful a decision can be reached sometime Monday afternoon, or just whenever they all wake up, as they expect Sunday to be a late one. Until a decision has been reached, it will be necessary for all Winchester residents to boil any Ale-8-1 that they get from their sink faucet.