I have a friend named Kim. She’s a new-ish friend. We met a couple years ago.

There are a lot of things I like about Kim: She’s enthusiastic, she’s positive, she’s easy to talk to, and she makes a mean chicken pot pie.

And occasionally we discover something in common that makes me feel like we are soul sisters. For example, we both put a fireproof box and Crest Whitestrips on our Christmas lists this year. What can I say? We know how to live.

Here’s where we differ: Kim is childfree for now, but she’s had her kids’ names picked out since junior high (Sophia and Jacob), and I equate having a child with being lost at sea for 18 years.

When we met, I had been married for five years and Kim was on the verge of getting engaged. She asked me about my breeding plans, and I told her quite plainly that I would have kids when monkeys fly out of my butt. She seemed fine with that.

But sometimes I get the feeling she isn’t.

Like the time I said to her, “I have some exciting news!”

“What?” she asked. The anticipation made her face resemble Mr. Bill’s.

“We found a house!”

And even though she knew that my husband and I had been looking for two and a half years for our first house and it was a big deal to us, her face kind of fell a bit before she said, “That’s great.” I thought at the time that she was expecting a pregnancy announcement, despite the fact monkeys had not flown out of my butt.

Then there was the time I said, “Guess what?”

“What?” she said excitedly.

“I’m running my first-ever 10K this weekend.”

Her words said, “That’s cool,” but her tone said, “That’s it?” Again, I thought she was expecting a pregnancy announcement.

At first I was bothered by this. Was I not clear about my plans? Did my milestones in life not measure up in her mind to the all-important milestone of having a baby?

Then I realized I could have some fun with her.

Whenever I see Kim these days, I like to throw in a “Guess what?” at some point. I like to see her face rise for a brief moment and then fall when I say something like “I had the best hamburger yesterday.”

Or “Paper towels are on sale at CVS.”

Or “I got my snow tires put on this week.”

Or my favorite: “I may already be a winner in the Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes!” Hey, I may be. God knows I’m due.