So, I just bought CK2 today.

The most common piece of advice seemed to be "start as someone in Ireland and learn the ropes!". Fine I thought, and picked some guy with one region and one vassal. Three generations later, I'm in a position where my son and heir has an independent kingdom in the middle of Ireland while I got the rest, he happens to be a genius though and for some reasons he went from 100+ to negative 60 because he wants more land. Land which I can't grant him because he's independent. I don't know.

My guy, meanwhile, is a bit of an asshole, known as cruel and not very intelligent. I spend the next three small wars trying to get him killed so my son can take over and unite Ireland with the help of his dad's war chest. For some reason I also have Cornwall, I don't really know how or why. Succession/doling out titles is the most confusing system so far. I don't speak medieval.

ANYWAYS, HERE'S THE FUCKING CRAZY PART JESUS CHRIST so, I can't get my guy killed but a golden opportunity presents itself. A glorious crusade. I send him down there alone with all the men he could muster from Cornwall. Because fuck Cornwall.

321 men. They will join their lord in heaven and they will die in the mud outside of Jerusalem for the cause of a united Ireland.

I look for the papal stack and I think "hey, maybe if he dies fighting with the pope I'll get some sort of bonus". The fight is happening right outside Jerusalem and the Muslim stack is somewhere close to 12k and the Christians have 9k plus 321 brave souls from Cornwall. Somehow my fucking "king" (he's not a king yet but it sounds better than "my dude") manages to corner the leader of the caliphate in battle. He defeats him and imprisons him and this helps end the war immediately and my idiot king, the guy I wanted dead, instead ends up with all of Jerusalem even though he only sent 321 men. That's like 50 titles/lands/whatevers over limit and my court consists of 11 people and I have like 3 sons. There's a bishop that holds 20 separate titles and he's pretty stoked.

Just to give you an idea of how fucked up my kingdom is: I threw a huge tournament (because why not?) and as soon as it ended and people started to leave, bandits swooped down and raided every single entourage because there's more thieves guilds than toilets in the holy land at the moment.