Today marks the one year anniversary of me joining the Corps World. From camping in the woods with Rocky Mountain Youth Corps to fighting fire in Crown King with AmeriCorps NCCC this has by far been the most eventful and diverse year of my life. I’ve decided that the best way to express how eventful and diverse my year has been would be by writing a blog post about all of the different ways that I have pooped. So here it goes.

1. Porta-John

Okay, this one’s not that interesting. We’ve all pooped in portable toilets before at concerts. But I have to say, when there are dozens of other volunteers in addition to your team of twelve at the Habitat for Humanity worksite and only one porta-john, things sure do get interesting. And by interesting I mean gross. LEARN HOW TO LEAVE THE LID DOWN SO THE PORTA-JOHN DOESN’T BECOME INFESTED WITH FLIES AND MAGGOTS, PEOPLE!

2. Cat Holes

When you’re camping somewhere for just a brief weekend and there are no porta-johns or outhouses, you’ve gotta dig yourself a cat hole. This involves taking a mini-shovel, a rock or just your bare hands if you’re desperate enough and digging a hole at least eight inches deep and four inches in diameter. You might want to go more than four inches in diameter if your aim isn’t that good… nobody wants to have to use their mini-shovel, rock or bare hands to have to push the poop into the hole. And make sure your hole is actually deep enough, you don’t want to walk past it the next day to find out that an animal has dug up all of your shit! When you’re camping somewhere for just a brief weekend and there are no porta-johns or outhouses, you’ve gotta dig yourself a cat hole. This involves taking a mini-shovel, a rock or just your bare hands if you’re desperate enough and digging a hole at least eight inches deep and four inches in diameter. You might want to go more than four inches in diameter if your aim isn’t that good… nobody wants to have to use their mini-shovel, rock or bare hands to have to push the poop into the hole. And make sure your hole is actually deep enough, you don’t want to walk past it the next day to find out that an animal has dug up all of your shit!

3. Latrines

Camping somewhere for longer than just a couple days? Well you can’t just dig cat holes all over the place! It’s time to bring out the shovel and dig a latrine for the whole crew to use! Latrines should generally be a couple of feet deep, a couple feet wide and several feet long. Kinda like a pig trough. Whenever you are done pooping make sure to sprinkle some dirt over your poo as a courtesy for the next person to use the latrine. And speaking of other people, make sure to have some sort of “latrine key” so that everyone knows that the latrine is occupied, otherwise you can expect to have one of your crew members walk in on you while doing your business. And if you are following Leave No Trace policies (which you should when camping!) then please make sure to completely bury your latrine before you finally leave your campsite. We forgot to do this once and now some poor family is probably going to run into our hole of rotting shit one day while on a hike. Camping somewhere for longer than just a couple days? Well you can’t just dig cat holes all over the place! It’s time to bring out the shovel and dig a latrine for the whole crew to use! Latrines should generally be a couple of feet deep, a couple feet wide and several feet long. Kinda like a pig trough. Whenever you are done pooping make sure to sprinkle some dirt over your poo as a courtesy for the next person to use the latrine. And speaking of other people, make sure to have some sort of “latrine key” so that everyone knows that the latrine is occupied, otherwise you can expect to have one of your crew members walk in on you while doing your business. And if you are following Leave No Trace policies (which you should when camping!) then please make sure to completely bury your latrine before you finally leave your campsite. We forgot to do this once and now some poor family is probably going to run into our hole of rotting shit one day while on a hike.

4. Poop Box

We found a poop box in the woods, complete with comfy shag carpeting. So of course we decided to hike it to the top of a hill overlooking our campsite and put it over a latrine that we dug. Nothing beats shitting on a poop box while overlooking your crew roasting marshmellows around the campsite. We found a poop box in the woods, complete with comfy shag carpeting. So of course we decided to hike it to the top of a hill overlooking our campsite and put it over a latrine that we dug. Nothing beats shitting on a poop box while overlooking your crew roasting marshmellows around the campsite.

5. Groover

Camping somewhere for several weeks? Sorry, plopping a poop box over a latrine you dug isn’t going to cut it. You’ll end up with a dozen latrines polluting the campsite by the end of your stay! Time to bring out the ‘ole groover, also known as a poop bucket. Basically it’s just a bucket with a toilet lid on top. But here’s the catch, you can ONLY poop in it! Have to pee while pooping? Too bad, find a way to somehow pee on the ground while pooping into the bucket. And don’t even think about putting your used toilet paper in the bucket, that goes in the metal container next to your groover. Make sure to keep tabs on how full the metal container is because once it gets full you’ll have to douse it in gasoline and burn all the poopy toilet paper (i have a video of doing this with my assistant crew leader if anyone is interested). Now, once the groover gets full that’s when you seal a lid on it and send it to a toxic waste facility where they will dispose of it while wearing hazmat suits. But, BEFORE it gets completely full you will have to learn how to poop while hovering. If you don’t hover, your poop while have nowhere to plop down to and will just kind of smoosh all over your butt. Also, don’t be alarmed if you look into the poop bucket one day and see blood everywhere. It probably just means that one of your lady friends is on her period. But it’s always a good idea to check with your crew to make sure that nobody is having violent bloody hemorrhoids. And if you notice that some of the poops are turning white, you better figure out who the ghost-pooper is because that could be a sign of liver or kidney problems! I always like to say that groovers can save lives for you always have your buddies looking at your poops and they will let you know if they notice anything abnormal. Lastly, make sure you close the lid on the groover every single time you are done using it. You DO NOT want to come back to your campsite after work to find mountain goats rolling around in everybody’s shit after getting into the groover. Camping somewhere for several weeks? Sorry, plopping a poop box over a latrine you dug isn’t going to cut it. You’ll end up with a dozen latrines polluting the campsite by the end of your stay! Time to bring out the ‘ole groover, also known as a poop bucket. Basically it’s just a bucket with a toilet lid on top. But here’s the catch, you can ONLY poop in it! Have to pee while pooping? Too bad, find a way to somehow pee on the ground while pooping into the bucket. And don’t even think about putting your used toilet paper in the bucket, that goes in the metal container next to your groover. Make sure to keep tabs on how full the metal container is because once it gets full you’ll have to douse it in gasoline and burn all the poopy toilet paper (i have a video of doing this with my assistant crew leader if anyone is interested). Now, once the groover gets full that’s when you seal a lid on it and send it to a toxic waste facility where they will dispose of it while wearing hazmat suits. But, BEFORE it gets completely full you will have to learn how to poop while hovering. If you don’t hover, your poop while have nowhere to plop down to and will just kind of smoosh all over your butt. Also, don’t be alarmed if you look into the poop bucket one day and see blood everywhere. It probably just means that one of your lady friends is on her period. But it’s always a good idea to check with your crew to make sure that nobody is having violent bloody hemorrhoids. And if you notice that some of the poops are turning white, you better figure out who the ghost-pooper is because that could be a sign of liver or kidney problems! I always like to say that groovers can save lives for you always have your buddies looking at your poops and they will let you know if they notice anything abnormal. Lastly, make sure you close the lid on the groover every single time you are done using it. You DO NOT want to come back to your campsite after work to find mountain goats rolling around in everybody’s shit after getting into the groover.

6. Wag Bag

Working in the tundra of a 14,000 foot mountain? No way you’re going to be able to hike a groover up there. And you definitely can’t be digging cat holes, tundra ecosystems are delicate and home to the endangered pika and marmite. Better bring a wag bag! Find a comfy rock to lean on and zip open your wag bag. Before you begin business make sure to take out the complimentary toilet paper and moist toilette. But the grainy stuff at the bottom of the bag? Leave it there! That’s basically like kitty litter, it’ll clump all your poo together quite nicely and minimize the odors. After pooing into the bag make sure to use your toilet paper very efficiently. If you use all of it too quickly you’ll have to use the moist toilette to wipe your butt which sucks because then you have nothing to wash your hands with afterward. The best part about the wag bag? You have to hike it back down the mountain with you until you find a dumpster to leave it in! Either you can hold it in your hand for the whole hike or just stick it into your backpack and hope that it doesn’t stink up everything. Your choice! Working in the tundra of a 14,000 foot mountain? No way you’re going to be able to hike a groover up there. And you definitely can’t be digging cat holes, tundra ecosystems are delicate and home to the endangered pika and marmite. Better bring a wag bag! Find a comfy rock to lean on and zip open your wag bag. Before you begin business make sure to take out the complimentary toilet paper and moist toilette. But the grainy stuff at the bottom of the bag? Leave it there! That’s basically like kitty litter, it’ll clump all your poo together quite nicely and minimize the odors. After pooing into the bag make sure to use your toilet paper very efficiently. If you use all of it too quickly you’ll have to use the moist toilette to wipe your butt which sucks because then you have nothing to wash your hands with afterward. The best part about the wag bag? You have to hike it back down the mountain with you until you find a dumpster to leave it in! Either you can hold it in your hand for the whole hike or just stick it into your backpack and hope that it doesn’t stink up everything. Your choice!

Bonus poop: I once had the stomach flu while camping and ended up having diarrhea in my sleeping bag while asleep. Would not reccomend.