Oh, The Places You’ll Go

What are those things those astronauts are sitting on? Those don’t look like e-readers to me.

Gosh, look at you kids. It does the soul good to see you two sitting there, getting wrapped up in your books. You know, I loved reading when I was your age. Well, “loved” is a strong word. But let’s just say I didn’t complain about my reading assignments as much as some of the others in my elementary school. Read it, write the report, and get it over with before Hunter starts, that was my motto.

I do sorta remember a handful of kids really liking reading, though. They were always talking about how reading allowed them to travel to different worlds and be other people and stuff. Of course, these were the type of kids that probably wished they could be anyone else almost daily, you know what I’m saying? Still, the pictures on some of those sci-fi novels they were reading looked pretty cool, so there’s that.

But you guys look like you’re actually enjoying it! That’s great, you know, just great. And what exciting galaxy of fun and excitement are you two blasting off to today? “Lolita,” huh? Is that, like, the name of a planet or a spaceship or something? ‘Cause it sounds pretty co… Oops, Jersey Shore starts in five, y’all. You kids have fun with your literacy.

Wear this shirt: to prove to all butterflies that you can, in fact, fly twice as high, if not higher.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’d rather wait for the movie version.

This shirt tells the world: “Stay alert, Space Librarian Cadet Boy. We’re flying through the Dan Brown sector. There could be some pretty big plot holes around.”

We call this color: Dammit, Jim, I’m A Silver T-Shirt, Not A Miracle Worker

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