My friends are crying in the toilets – Brexit is affecting the mental health of everyone in Westminster The culture in Westminster has resulted in a ‘if you can’t handle the heat, get out of the kitchen’ approach to stress

My usual routine to relax is eating chocolate cake in the bath. But these days I find myself with a spoon in one hand and my phone in the other as I scroll through Twitter, catching up on the latest Brexit drama that has unravelled in the 55 minutes since leaving work.

It’s hard to switch off your phone, let alone your mind, when Westminster feels like it’s falling apart. People think those who work there, like me, have this supposedly cushty Parliamentary life but the reality is we haven’t got a damn clue what is actually going on or where the country is headed.

It’s not just anxiety-inducing. The anxiety swallows you up, whole.

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Pressure to ignore uglier side of politics

“How’s Westminster going? It must be so fun at the moment with everything going on!” That is the dreaded question you get from family or friends in the WhatsApp group or over dinner.

Of course, it is exciting: every day something new and chaotic happens. MPs are resigning and breaking whips left, right and centre and all the rules and precedents of Parliament are being broken daily. There is also a collective yawn each time Theresa May announces a press statement and says nothing new.

But there’s a pressure to explain all the fun bits while ignoring the uglier side of politics at the moment: the intense work hours with no recess in sight, the abuse towards MPs, journalists and staff, and the impact this atmosphere has on our mental health.

The culture in Westminster has resulted in a “if you can’t handle the heat, get out of the kitchen” approach to stress. But pretending the current levels of stress and pressure are not concerning does a disservice to our democracy.

It sets a dangerous example for what people should be expected to handle at work. The reality is many of us are struggling and suffering.

Crying in the toilets

Just this week Conservative MP Huw Merriman revealed the impact of Brexit had led him to see a counsellor. Labour MP Rosie Cooper has spoken of “our freedoms, our way of life and democracy” being “under threat” as MPs are “regularly abused and attacked”.

A journalist friend who works in the lobby told me recently: “When I got in on Friday I had a cry. So physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted.”

I’ve often pretended to go get myself a coffee when really I’m going to the toilets or the photocopy room to meet a crying friend who has just answered the phone to another death threat call. WhatsApp group chats with other Westminster bods are now filled with comparisons of what time we actually left the Parliamentary Estate last night. We compare notes on how little we see our loved ones.

No one in or around Westminster is exempt from feeling worn out by the toxic political climate and Brexit debate. Passholders are being advised to leave the estate because of far-right protests steps away from Parliament and catering staff are overheard complaining they have no idea what hours they’re expected to work over cancelled recess dates.

Reporters are being abused while they just do their jobs. A journalist friend who works in the lobby told me recently: “When I got in on Friday I had a cry. So physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted.”

We need a break

It is clear everyone’s mental health is afflicted by the Brexit crisis. Is this really the culture we want to promote in the building at the heart of our democracy in 2019?

We in Westminster talk the talk when it comes to friends and family looking after their mental health or when constituents get in touch about PIP payments or stress at work.

MPs and staffers are the first to fight their corner. But what are we doing to look after our own mental health? No amount of face masks, wine in Strangers’ bar or lavender oil will serve as antidotes to the ridiculous hours, intense pressure and vitriolic arguments rife in politics at the moment.

What we all need is a break. Until then, the message we’re sending to workers across the country, struggling with stress or mental health issues, is “put up and shut up”.

Tara O’Reilly is the coordinator to the Labour Tribune MPs’ group