The Internet is losing its collective, celebrity-obsessed mind this late-August Monday, and this time it's got nothing to do with the VMAs or a Kanye West presidency. The National Enquirer has got the rumor mill churning with a story claiming that Tom Cruise's 78-year old mother, Mary Lee South, has been missing since April. The Enquirer speculates she may have "secretly passed away" since her last public sighting, by "sources," at an Easter brunch at the Celebrity Centre of Scientology in L.A.

Aside from the Enquirer's tale, there's also Radar Online's earlier speculation that the Church of Scientology may have been involved with her disappearance. While rumors did swirl that Cruise was plotting to leave the church in July—and thus could be a target for retaliation—Radar appears to have backed away from the claim and removed it from its story.

This kind of thing is the almost inevitable byproduct of the voracious American appetite for celebrity news. It's also just another example of our endless fascination with Scientology, and with Cruise's seemingly steadfast dedication to it. There doesn't seem to be any evidence, beyond "sources," that South is missing, much less that she was kidnapped by the Church of Scientology. In the end, it boils down to nothing more than the fact that the National Enquirer hasn't seen Tom Cruise's mom lately.

Nevertheless, Going Clear was pretty terrifying.

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