CodeBleu wrote: I hear it a lot…”I like dogs more than I like people these days.”

That’s just a giveaway that SHE is not likable. If she treated other people as well as she treats her own dog, she would see an overnight improvement.

I was walking in a huge park (where dogs can roam free) and also saw a man once disciplining his dog after running after an animal. This f~~~ing typical 100% Americ~~~ actually SCREAMED at him – for disciplining HIS OWN DOG. She was trying to discipline HIM! I saw the whole thing. She was more abusive to the man than he was to his own animal.

She was going off like a fire engine. I couldn’t even believe it.

I actually screamed at HER “SHUT THE F~~~ UP. ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?”

The guy LOVED it.

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Drop what you’re doing and read this…..

By Unleash The Beef

Flagrant c~~~s amuse me.

This couldn’t have happened at a more appropriate time, considering last week’s post on Michael Vick. The following is a play by play of what transpired last night while taking my dog out. The whole “event” lasted about five minutes, but surely created a lifetime of memories for one lucky, completely insane woman.

At about 8:00 p.m. I take my dog out for a sprint session where I ride my bike and he runs with me on a leash. This works out well, since he is a high-energy fella and can sprint faster than I can ride. I ride at a walking pace until we get down around the corner and onto a long straight section of bike trail that runs alongside the road. It’s great having this trail system as it makes it easy to take the dog out where he can sprint in the grass while I’m biking on the pavement.

I come to South Four Mile Run Dr, and stop at the crosswalk, as it’s a busy four-way intersection (see it). I need to cross five lanes of traffic on S. Four Mile Run to get on the bike trail that runs along the other side of the street. I’ll sprint my dog down the trail and back – the daily routine. Only tonight, as I’m waiting for the walk signal, I notice some middle-aged woman on my right in her white SUV, about to make a left-hand turn (across the crosswalk I’m waiting to cross) onto S. Four Mile Run, yapping out her window toward me. So I pull out my earphones to find out what she could possibly be flapping her gums about with such an angry look on her face. As I do, I catch the tail end of her saying something along the lines of:

“…you shouldn’t be doing that to your dog – it’s not safe and it’s illegal bla bla bla bla!!!”

Remember, this is a busy intersection, with multi-lane roads and lots of foot/bike/illegal Guatemalan traffic – it’s a bustling area with people everywhere, going about their routine and minding their business. At this point, she is reprimanding me from the window of her SUV, sitting at a green light holding up traffic. Realizing that she is being a nosy, bossy c~~~, I simply reply:

“I know I’m very handsome – just focus on the road, sweetheart.”

After this, she begins to make her left hand turn and proclaims out her window:

“That’s it – I’m following you!”

Can you imagine… wait… can you f~~~ing imagine a middle-aged woman shouting this out her window at some unknown guy on the corner of the street? Unbelievable right?

So, I could only reply with:

“I’m not really into older women, but ok!”

At this point, she turns left onto S. Four Mile Run but continues to make an extreme left/quasi-U-turn all the way back across three lanes of oncoming traffic and into the corner gas station. She doesn’t know which way I plan on going yet, but in her blind rage, I see her frantically open her cell phone, undoubtedly to dial 911 – because… clearly… this is an emergency. How dare I exercise my own dog against this strange, desperate, possibly psychotic woman’s will?

I begin laughing, and continue on, crossing the road and turning left down the trail as this raving maniac pulls back onto S. Four Mile Run facing the opposite direction I’m now traveling. As I head away, I hear her screaming and honking her horn in traffic as she tries to will her way through a suicidal U-turn that will put her back on my tail. I pause to see if she’ll execute the U-turn and come after me, but she can’t get through traffic so I carry on with my dog and we speed our way down the trail.

Then it gets awesome.

A few minutes later, as I wind down our speed and turn around, along comes nutso in her white SUV – only this time she’s accompanied by two police cruisers. At this point, the whole event is so comical to me that I can’t possibly smile any wider. As c~~~-face and the cops slow to a stop, I happily head back in their direction. I yank my earphones out and roll toward them – she’s pulled along the curb and the two cops are beside her in the next lane. I hear her yelling and screaming and see her motioning wildly in my direction. As she’s carrying on displaying her mental illness, I hear the cop in the cruiser directly next to her say, “M’am, what do you want us to do? I don’t think there’s anything illegal about that.” It’s clear that I could just roll on by, minding my business, and that the cops have no intention of saying a word to me, since I’m not doing anything “illegal” and they’re obviously displeased with this woman for making them respond to such a ludicrous call – but that wouldn’t maximize the potential entertainment value of the situation. So, I pull up to her passenger side window and say:

“Sweetie, I’m headed back to my place now if you wanna follow me over…”

This statement just about institutionalizes her, and she cries:

“You should be thrown in jail for what you are doing! Do you see what he’s doing??? The dog! The poor dog! How are you going to let him get away with this?!?!”

The cops continue sitting motionless in their cruisers, clearly unmoved by the situation, and cop number one responds again, “M’am, there’s nothing wrong here, people can walk their dogs however they want to, I’m sorry-”

“What?!?!?! NO!!! This is ILLEGAL! It is INHUMANE!”

Then, redirecting her attention toward me, screaming out of her mind:

“How would YOU like it if I leashed YOU up and dragged YOU all over town? This is BULLS~~~!!!!!”

To which I respond, calmly and happily:

“Well darlin’, I ain’t got all night… get the leash and let’s make it happen.”

At this point, she is literally so beat-red, so livid, with so much spit flying out of her ugly know-it-all face, that her wailing becomes completely unintelligible. I don’t know, either, if the cops can’t hear what I’m saying due to the traffic flowing by, or if they’re just enjoying my humiliation of this woman, but they don’t move an inch or say a word. I thought for sure that I’d provoke her to exit the vehicle and assault me, but she didn’t take the bait. Realizing that she had reached her full-throttle red-zone and had nowhere else to go, I cut off her shrieking by saying:

“Listen, we could talk all night but that ain’t cuttin’ it so I’m just gonna have my little canine friend here lap peanut butter off my sack ‘til about midnight.”

Reaching her loudest point, she screams at the cop:

“DID YOU HEAR THAT?!? DID YOU HEAR THAT?!?”

At which point I leaned into the window and whispered soothingly:

“Don’t worry, it’s chunky style.”

Then, as my dog sat by obediently, I simply put my earphones back in, cued Billy Ocean back up, and rolled on up the road, giving cop number two an affirmative nod and receiving a tip of the cap as I pulled away. I’ll admit; I hoped she would appear again, but the reality is she would have just run me over at that point, so I’m better off that she didn’t.

Not to get too political or philosophical here, but angry, rotten, overcompensating asst~~~s like this woman are the reason civilization sucks, and you can’t drive without a seatbelt, walk while chewing gum, or kick people in the nuts for no reason without getting arrested. Stupid, know-it-all, protect-you-from-yourself toxic c~~~s that want to enforce their feelings on you for your (or your f~~~ing pet’s) own good. I know they’re fun to make asses of, but still – go eat a dick, would you?

The moral of the story, as always: Mind your business or I’ll make my dog lick peanut butter off of my nuts.