I’ve coached about a hundred men now and I’ve noticed recurring and universal patterns in their behaviour We’re all similar, yet the majority of us feel separate and unique, like the human experience hasn’t been played out a billion times. Nope, you’re special. Nobody has ever gone through what you’re going through.

When a student has a certain issue with their game it’s easy to teach them about themselves, because I’ve taught someone else about themselves, because I’ve taught myself about myself. Anyway, enough about how awesome I am. Learning time kids, gather around.

State-fluctuation creates the emotional roller-coaster we experience while learning the attraction game.

A common state fluctuation scenario looks like this:

Man approaches woman. Woman rejects man. Man feels like poo. Cries to himself silently, becomes emotional and beats himself up. His state effectively crashes.

Most guys can handle one rejection, but after four or five they hit the floor and quit.

In scenario two the man approaches a highly receptive woman. They have a good flirt and he is validated. Maybe he gets her contact, or a kiss, or laid. He feels light as air, a god amongst mortals. His state is high.

Imagine feeling both of these fluctuation extremes every time you go out. If you’re serious about learning pickup then you should be going out at least four times a week. That’s a lot of intense emotion, I know from experience. Add approach anxiety (which is similar to fear of death) and most of my students are absolutely exhausted by the end of the day, even though all they did was talk to girls.

Let’s illustrate the absurdity with an analogy:

You find a wallet on the ground containing a lottery ticket for one million dollars. The wallet has no identification. You cash the ticket and spend a sleepless, endorphin-infused night fantasizing about the wonderful things you will buy: A new house, a long trip, pectoral implants. You feel elated, excited, and supremely optimistic.

On the day the ticket clears you notice there is only two hundred thousand dollars in your bank account. Due to an obscure international lottery tax law, you’ve lost nearly all of your million. You feel robbed, dissapointed, angry, frustrated and depressed.

Which emotional state is more powerful? Would you be angry that you lost eight hundred thousand dollars, or happy that you gained two hundred thousand dollars? The negative emotion usually reigns supreme. In fact, the endorphin high you get from a powerful, happy state is so hard to achieve that many turn to drugs and alcohol to simulate the elusive feeling. This is also why people become, “manic,” depressives. It almost feels good to dwell in the lower planes. Kurt Cobain famously sang, “I miss the comfort in feeling sad.”

I see this all the time on bootcamps. My student will approach a girl, receive a positive reaction, collect a phone number, and he will be oh so happy. Then, his next approach won’t go so well so he pouts and whines and grumps about it. “I should have used better vocal tonality! I should have stayed in longer!” The negative emotion overpowers the positive. He completely forgets about his prior success.

You need to maintain an emotional balance. Do not ever become too excited, or too depressed. Enjoy your emotions but do not let them control you. Try to keep an emotional flat-line or a general good feeling throughout, just slightly above the middle line. We’re not designed to experience constant highs and lows for long periods of time.

Fear, joy, fear, relief, fear, anxiety, doubt, joy = Exhaustion

Most people are unable to control their emotions. This is one reason women are so easy to manipulate. You can pump their emotional state up to the point they forget about logic and hook up with you. (Sad but true.)

I believe that what you focus on is what you attract. If you dwell in the darkness, holding hands with loss, despair, anger and frustration, you will attract more darkness. Realize that it’s in human nature to wrestle with pain. We tend to forget the good things. We love to party with angst. Don’t do it.

Maintain a stable emotional frame. The first step to emotional mastery is to become self-aware of your own emotional state.

The next time you find yourself falling into pain, halt the momentum. Try to view the game for what it is: a game. You’re not meant to win all of the time. Try to enjoy playing and put less emphasis on winning. When you reach a Zen like level of emotional balance, great things will happen.

You attract what you feel, as long as you take action towards what you desire.

When a woman sizes you up, she’s testing for your emotional stability. I’m not saying you should act like Batman, cold and emotionless (even though I would love to be Batman)–enjoy your emotions, but be self-aware of them. Don’t let them blindly drive you into the abyss. If you can learn to control your own emotions, you can learn to guide the emotions of others, which is a very useful talent.

Balance is the key. If you can have a girl kiss you on the cheek and another scream at you, yet maintain the same happy balance, you’re doing it right.

And when you do meet a hot girl, do not run fantasy scenarios about how awesome it will be once you hook up over and over in your head. You’re asking for a brutal state crash if she flakes on you. Just be happy that life is grand, you’re alive and working on your goal of creating an awesome life of adventure and joy and girls and freedom. You’re working on it. That’s all that matters.

You are working on it, right? Of course.

***I will be in Se Asia for the next three months. If you are looking for coaching, I am still available for Skype Sessions. Contact me for more info.***