Someone call Stephen King because this bathroom is just begging to be turned into some sort of horror story. Before he goes and turns this setting into a literary gold mine, let me try my hand at it. It was a dark and dreary afternoon. I had just finished a midterm and came to the library to print out materials for my next class. As I sat at the computer stall, beads of sweat began to creep down my forehead. My stomach started to rumble as I felt a strange feeling in my buttocks area. Slowly, almost rhythmically, gaseous fumes began to explode out of my rear, intoxicating the area around me. I knew what was coming, and I had only a few seconds to get to a bathroom or all hell would break loose. I stood up as calmly as possible and walked quickly to the bathroom, standing straight as possible believing that it would somehow help my bowels from exploding. I forced open the door and suddenly the stench of urine invaded my nose. Fighting past the disgust, I shamefully sat in the one, run down stall and answered nature’s call.

Alright, so it’s not the next Harry Potter or…Twilight, or something. But, believe me when I say, this bathroom sucks. Someone, somewhere, down the line has simply given up on this bathroom and it has fallen into an ill state of disrepair. If you’re eating while reading this, I’d suggest you stop now, because it’s only going to get worse.

The Layout

Well, when you walk in there’s this completely pointless room. There’s a door, there’s a trash can, then there’s a door to the bathroom. It’s a cramped little claustrophobic space that, I suppose, is there so that you can miss the trash can on your way out in complete privacy. Yes, even with less than 3 feet separating you and the trash can, people still miss. Linsane.

To the left, you can see the door leading to the “trash can room.” This door closes slowly, then it stops right where you see it in the picture. Creepy? Yeah. Then, on the right, we can see the best picture I could get to capture the entire bathroom. This place is cramped. Ergonomics was not the word of the day here. As you can see, getting paper towels is a bit of a gamble because the guy in the stall might choose that exact moment to come out and let you smell the roses. Awful. Oh and there’s the tiny alley to the right that has the two urinals. Needless to say, if both are taken up, things get a little too close for comfort.

1/5

Amenities

Well, I can’t say this bathroom doesn’t have what you need, but that’s about all I can say. Sure there are sinks, but good luck on getting hot water. There’s soap, maybe. There are toilets, but they come with the piss already inside! I just needed to really point out the urinals here. I appreciate the screen, but really? Sure it might help stick figures from seeing each other’s ding dongs but dear lord we’re living in the 3rd dimension here people. The goal isn’t to block the TOILETS from seeing each other its the people that we’re worried about! I can’t express the sorrow that I feel for the amount of people that have been visually raped peripherally in this bathroom. And what the hell is that ominous black box in the corner?

An amenity that I’d wish to be added would be air freshener, and a strong one. Like, I mean, old man cologne strong. The doors do a good job of containing any smells within the bathroom, but once you walk in you experience this sensory overload of stale urine and shame. Please UCR, answer this one prayer.

2/5

Privacy

Nah, not here. There’s one stall, so you can almost count on having awkward eye contact with the next person waiting for it. The urinals are way too close together, and as stated before, provide 20/20 vision of the dude next to you. The only privacy you’ll be finding here is the trash can room. Good luck, pal.

1/5

Cleanliness

If “overwhelmingly pissy smell” perfectly describes this bathroom, then I think all other descriptions fall into place. There’s often paper strewn about here. My pictures were on a good day, but I’ve seen the toilet with some nice presents inside. Graffiti dots the walls, the bolts on everything are rusting. There’s this awkward tan hue to the whole thing, I don’t know. It sucks. Bring hand sanitizer, and you might want to just go home and take a shower after being in this place.

1/5





So there you have it. For anyone who crams for their midterms in this library, just know that there is no relief from the stress in this bathroom. There are plenty of better options, like a port-a-potty, so do yourself a favor and just steer clear.

The Verdict

1/5

Pissed Off!