The new trend in automotive performance today is the use of stickers to add massive amounts of horsepower to cars. The modification is especially effective on mid-’90s model-year, front-wheel-drive Japanese vehicles.

Simply adding the vinyl stickers will instantly improve the performance of any car due to the fact that they increase the visual impact that the car has compared to its bone-stock counterpart. The inexpensive hardware modifications help drivers with low power outputs to compete against cars that have been built, not bought, closing the performance gap with a hardcore adhesive.

“After installing a set of Stage 2 high-performance stickers that included the ‘shocker’, ‘no fat chicks allowed’ and ‘Calvin pissing on the Ford logo’, I could feel the VTEC instantly kick in as I revved it to 8K,” said local Honda owner, Chad Davis.

“’The lohryde crew’ sticker takes up about 15-percent of the rear window real estate, thus accounting for roughly a 16-horsepower gain. I’m not sure about torque figures though.”

While the new sticker modifications are relatively cost effective, the installation process can prove difficult, requiring many drivers to bring their cars to authorized aftermarket sticker facilities.

“We’ve seen a dramatic increase in customers asking for the latest stickers to be installed. Frankly, these companies can’t even get them printed fast enough because the demand is so high. Why waste your money on a turbocharger, intake, or exhaust system when a few stickers can give you the same performance?” asked Gary Summerstone, General Manager of Overnighted from Japan Tuning, located on East Elm Street.

“My only worry is that these kids will get overzealous and not be able to handle the added power. I’d hate to see an accident from irresponsible modifications,” Summerstone continued.

Although the craze has yet to spread throughout the entire automotive community, city officials and law enforcement will be keeping a watchful eye on street racing, speeding, and other forms of reckless driving from drivers with numerous stickers.

Are you scared of the new sticker craze that’s running rampant in the automotive community?

This is another one of our ‘Exposed Motoring’ satirical news features. If you actually believe these stories are real then we either did a really good job of putting it together or you’re dumb as a rock. We’re going with the latter.