I purchased a burrito from a small shop a few blocks from home. I was unimpressed with their habanero "hot" salsa. Eager to kick it up a notch, I reached for a bottle of what I later found to be Dave's Gourmet Ghost Pepper Jolokia Hot Sauce. I unscrewed the top and went to put a dab on. I quickly realized that there was no flow regulation but not before a large pool of the magma colored liquid dripped into my lunch. I decided to dab my finger in it and see what I was dealing with. It was formidable, sweet and flavorful with a long heat. I thought I could take the heat.



I demolished the burrito, hot sauce and all, and shrugged off the pain. Every bite was saturated with the taste of a thousand tortured souls but the guacamole still tasted great. I wiped my tingling lips and while downing a glass of water I looked at the bottle. It claimed a heat rating of "Insanity++." I headed home thinking surely the worst must be over. I've ate plenty of hot food and my stomach is battle tested. I was wrong.



I walked no more than a block before I started to feel odd. It was in the forties in Cleveland but I could feel the sweat forming on my brow. I walked another block and I could literally feel the burning sensation outlining my stomach. My breaths were noticeably faster and shorter. People on the street looked at me weird. I figured it would go away by the time I got home but I decided to pick up the pace. By the time my apartment was in sight I was experiencing tunnel vision and it felt like a live agitated weasel had been placed inside me. I knew what I had to do. After flushing my lunch, a tablespoon of this sauce, half a gallon of milk, and my ego down the drain, I can honestly say I am just happy to be alive. This sauce is not for mortals.