FAMILIES SHOULD PROVIDE SUPPORT FOR THEIR CHILDREN, NOT COACHING ADVICE

Here’s an all-too familiar scenario: a young fencer loses a bout that they should not have lost, or had no expectation of losing, and their family member starts yelling at the referee, yelling at their coach, or worse, yelling at the fencer who just lost, telling him what he should or shouldn’t have been doing during the bout. Believe me, it happens! Zagunis talks about the importance of leaving the job of coaching to the coaches:

“As a parent, you should avoid saying things like, ‘This fencer has a fast attack. You better attack on preparation with them or you better start faster.’ This type of advice is for the coach to give. It’s a mistake for parents to think they know it all, and that they can tell their child what to do, especially if they, themselves, have never fenced.” – Cathy Zagunis

Different people naturally occupy different roles. The fencer needs to compete and stay focused. The coach needs to help the fencer with technical advice and tactics during the bout. It's the task of the family to be supportive and, in some instances, help with motivation. A parent trying to occupy too many of these roles--coaching, support, motivation--is destined to come up short in all areas. The exception to this is a parent-coach relationship which requires very special insight from the parent so as not to create additional stress and unrealistic expectations for the young fencer.

“I think the one major piece of advice that I have is to listen to and go by the coach’s guidance. If the coach says your child is ready to compete and should go to this tournament, then you need to do your best to make it work. If you’re overzealous and you want your child to go to this junior competition, and the coach says, ‘No, they’re not ready for it.’ and you push, and you go anyway, the child usually has a miserable experience.” – Cathy Zagunis

Just remember that coaches have years of experience teaching fencers and intimately understand the structure and pressures of competition. Trying to usurp that role will more often than not lead to sub-par outcomes for everyone involved. It is also very important that your young fencer know that you trust the coach, and that you are working together as a team.

However, Zagunis says you can get involved in other ways once your fencer is ready for competition:

“I think that when a young child needs parental attention or advice, it’s as simple as saying, ‘It’s really hot. Here’s some more water. You better drink some water.’ or ‘This pool was really long. You better have a snack. You’re going to run out of energy.’ This is advice that the child is not going to be thinking about because they’re thinking about their next bout. When they get a little older, it’s not so much, ‘Here’s a sandwich, eat.’ It’s more like, ‘Are you hungry? Do you want me to go get you a sandwich?’ ” – Cathy Zagunis

Again, this role is a very supportive one. You are not intimately involved in the technical or tactical aspects of your kid’s fencing training or competition, but you are involved in the facilitation and their well-being. Making sure your child is properly fed, has enough to drink, gets a proper amount of sleep beforehand and shows up on time (and teaching them to make their own decisions regarding these important aspects of competition) can make the difference between a close defeat and a future victory.

SUMMARY

This article is directed at parents of younger and teen fencers to make you aware of how important it is to start communicating about fencing early. As athletes get older, it is natural that parents will have a smaller role in day-to-day decisions, training and competitions. However, it is still important that the roles of fencers, their parents, and their coaches are clearly defined and communicated with little overlap. The fencer’s goals, how they plan to meet those goals, and what they’re willing to give up to achieve those goals need to be part of an ongoing discussion between all three of these parties.

It is important to note that this article isn’t entirely a “to do” list for parents. Fencers must realize that they have a vitally important role to play in how they interact with their families. Not saying anything or having post-loss, emotionally fuelled outbursts (we’ve all been there) is not a productive way to communicate your disappointment, and you cannot expect your family to innately understand how to help you.

The best way to approach this topic with your family is to try to articulate your expectations and desires in terms of why you like fencing, what you want to get out of fencing and how much you are willing to commit to achieve this goal. Then you need to talk to your family about what you feel that you need from them to be able to accomplish this. The most common reason why family members aren’t helpful at a tournament is that they don’t have this information and therefore don’t know how to help you. This article is a great start and it’s important to remember that every person and every family is different, but the major key to success (in almost everything) is good communication. Having open and honest discussions is the best way to create better family dynamics on competition day.