Oh my God — I can’t believe it’s been so long! It’s been months (a year? Don’t tell me it’s been a year!) since we last saw each other but I still consider you one of my closest friends. I hope you know I’m always here for you, and by here I mean Connecticut. Sure, I’m in the city all week every week, just like you, and I’d love to hang out anytime! In Connecticut, over the weekend. It’s just that my weeks get so crazy in the city — I can’t even fathom being social! Except on the weekends, in Connecticut.

Honestly, I’m dying to see you! As long as you travel three hours by car or train and commit to a full weekend. Yes, I do still live in the same apartment in Manhattan and wow, that’s so cool your new office is only a block away. I’d love to hear all about it! While sitting in front of the fireplace in my three bedroom home in rural Connecticut.

Why don’t you come next weekend? All you’ll need to do is cancel all your plans, spend $400-$500 on a rental car (the train’s always sold out this time of year) and sit in traffic for three hours minimum both ways. It’ll be so relaxing! You’ve got to see what country people we’ve become! When we’re in Connecticut, we only do only country things, like drugs.

So you’ve got to come. Weekends in Connecticut are all about getting high and eating whatever you want to cook. You know we’ve missed your cooking so much. Your apartment? Huh, well…I just…I just don’t know how I’d make it all the way out to Brooklyn, and on a weeknight? What train would I even take? One stop from Manhattan on the Q? Well that’s one stop too far if you ask me haha SERIOUSLY THOUGH COME TO CONNECTICUT! We’d love to have you! Next weekend! Or the one after! Just come! Anytime! We love it here! We love it so much WE’RE SO BORED GOD WHY DID WE BUY A HOUSE HERE WHY WHY WHYYY???

Well if next weekend doesn’t work, maybe the one after? Just let us know! We’re always here and we’d love to see you anytime exactly on our terms. Come entertain us! Please! Haha…PLEASE! PLEASE COME TO CONNECTICUT — I’M SO BORED AND LONELY AND THIS WHOLE COUNTRY HOME THING IS STARTING TO FEEL LIKE A HUGE MISTAKE.

OK see you soon, hopefully! Miss you!