When we last saw America’s Worst Lawyer and alleged Bad Touch Dad Larry Klayman, he was pallin’ around with Cubanadian Terrorist Ted Cruz and Syntax Terrorist Sarah Palin and some southern secessionist guys who were blaming that black dude in the White House for killing America while being black. At that time Klayman demanded that Barry HUSSEIN OBAMA get up off of his knees and put down the “Quran” (which is the gay Muslim instruction manual) and get back to the principles of the Founding Fathers by which Klayman no doubt meant: less uppity, more slavey.

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And to show Obama that he wasn’t dicking around, Klayman promised a Million Middle-Aged White Dudes Who Are Into Button Gwinnett Cosplay March on Washington that would bring the government to its knees just like that last time the American goverment was brought to its knees by those trucker guys which is why we have Freedom today, exactly the way Founding Father Jesus H. Christ said we would when (according to Sarah Palin History) He warned His fellow Americans that the British were coming to take our AR15’s and our Super Mega Diabetes-Sized Big Gulps of Mr. Pibb.

No really … you can look it up. It’s like, totally history-true.

So, you are probably asking yourself right now (as you hunker in down in your own personal Fort Molon Labe (constructed of couch cushions and the box the new Whirlpool dishwasher came in inventorying your supply of survival seeds and Pepperidge Farm Goldfish Grab-n-Go’s) : is it safe to come out now into a Whiteman’s Wonderland?

Probably not:

Sensing that the moment was ripe, World Net Daily (WND) columnist Larry Klayman sent out the call for revolution. “MILLIONS TO OCCUPY WASHINGTON D.C.,” Klayman announced, declaring to the world that his Tea Party-powered “second American Revolution” would gather near the White House in Lafayette Square on November 19 and sweep President Obama from office. “In conjunction with the masses gathered in Lafayette Park, we encourage millions to occupy parks, sidewalks, public areas, etc., consistent with the law.” Klayman’s revolution never quite managed to reach its lofty attendance goals. At its peak, the rally had about 130 people in attendance. The revolutionaries gathered in Lafayette Square consisted of birthers and other conspiracy theorists voicing their opposition to the Obama administration. The protest, organized by Klayman’s group Freedom Watch, demanded the “resignations of President Barack Hussein Obama, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, and House Speaker John Boehner.” Despite nearly six hours of speeches and some creative hand-made signs, at day’s end the three men remained securely in office.

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To be fair, it was a Wednesday afternoon and all of the True Patriots were either at their real jobs (that shipment of windshield wipers at O’Reilly Auto Parts aren’t going to stock themselves) or watching Ellen or picking up the kids so these things kind of happen and and now what is Larry Klayman going to do with almost a million Red, White, and Blue Freedom Cupcakes to say nothing of all those inflatable jumpy things shaped like the Alamo that he rented for the day?

Maybe next time, just a little get-together at a Waffle House if Klayman can come up with a Groupon coupon and, if not that, a pot luck would be nice because everyone knows how much the Founding Fathers loved casseroles and Jello molds.

You can look that up too. More history…