Opinion

Chupacabras at the Alamo? Horrors!

Heaven knows, the Alamo is no stranger to silly treatment by Hollywood.

Back in 1969, the comedy “Viva Max!” had Peter Ustinov chewing the hallowed scenery as a clownish Mexican general bent on re-occupying the Alamo. In 1985, “Pee-wee's Big Adventure” featured Pee-wee Herman on a quest to retrieve his stolen bicycle from the basement of the Shrine of Texas Liberty, only to discover that it had no basement. Why, as recently as last year, Pee-wee (Paul Reubens) revisited the Alamo in a rambunctious “Top Chef” challenge for the Texas-set season.

Even with such entertainment precedents, however, the outrageous use of the Alamo by an upcoming TV horror movie may be in a class all its own. “Chupacabra vs. the Alamo” stars Erik Estrada as a DEA agent making a kind of last stand at the Alamo against an invading pack of those mythical blood-sucking creatures known as Chupacabras. In the movie, these dog-like monsters with long ears, large snouts and sharp teeth have made it all the way to San Antonio from Mexico via drug-smuggling tunnels, and they aim to feed on any human who crosses their path.

It debuts at 8 p.m. Saturday on the Syfy channel.

Ah well, such stuff is all just gory nonsense that can't be taken seriously, right? Maybe to you, me and producer Jeffrey Schenck, who said he hopes folks will laugh and shiver to “Chupacabra vs. the Alamo,” a popcorn adventure reminiscent of monster flicks of the 1950s.

Erik Estrada (center) plays a DEA agent who teams with a band of outlaws to battle a horde of Chupacabras who eventually attack the Alamo. Erik Estrada (center) plays a DEA agent who teams with a band of outlaws to battle a horde of Chupacabras who eventually attack the Alamo. Photo: Courtesy Photo Photo: Courtesy Photo Image 1 of / 5 Caption Close Chupacabras at the Alamo? Horrors! 1 / 5 Back to Gallery

However, the head of the Daughters of the Republic of Texas — who run the Alamo's daily operation under a state contract after serving as its custodians for more than a century — is anything but amused. Told of the creature feature, Karen Thompson, president general of the DRT, blasted this latest treatment of the historical landmark as not only “patently ridiculous,” but “obscene.”

“We work very hard to be sure the history of the Alamo and the fact that it's a shrine to 189 men who died there to fight for liberty is not something you make fun of or use in some sort of horror, comedy, sci-fi or any sort of movie other than a historical documentary,” she said.

During my phone interview with Schenck, he stressed that he certainly didn't intend the movie to be disrespectful.

“I completely respect what they do,” he said of the DRT. “I'm a huge proponent of anyone who champions a cause that's historical.”

But, he added, movies frequently play with history and historic locations. After all, he said, didn't “Independence Day” feature aliens attacking the White House?

Besides, if anything, “Chupacabra vs. the Alamo” could be taken as an homage to the Alamo, he said. “You can mess with anybody, but if you're in Texas and at the Alamo, it stops. Remember the Alamo.”

Uh-huh ... right. Unfortunately, this particular movie can't be taken as a tribute to anything. Granted, it uses some actual footage of San Antonio and the real Alamo, which was shot last summer for the movie. But it primarily was filmed far away in Vancouver — specifically at Fort Langley, a historic trading post that was shot to look like the Alamo.

Even if the stone work of the buildings appear similar, the inclusion of a buffoonish caretaker in a coonskin cap and scenes that have Estrada and his motley band of Alamo defenders smashing open cases of historic weapons will strike anyone familiar with the real Alamo as nothing but absurd.

As for the Chupacabras, which Schenck said come to us via a mix of CGI, clay models and footage of real dogs, they're kind of puny for monsters. I found them more comical than scary. And “ChiPs” veteran Estrada? Fans of the actor may enjoy seeing him once again as a law enforcement official atop a motorcycle. On the other hand, scenes that have him “green-screened” into San Antonio look preposterous.

That said, if you go in expecting a few grins and the brand of cheap horror that these original Syfy movies are known for, “Chupacabra vs. the Alamo” just may provide the kind of amusement you're looking for on a slow Saturday night.

Jeanne Jakle's column appears Wednesdays and Sundays in mySA, and she blogs at Jakle's Jacuzzi on mySa.com. Email her at jjakle@express-news.net.