Taint That Somethin’

November 29th, 2019 – People are getting a head start on their New Year’s health and wellness goals or, if we’re being technical, they’re getting a rear start. Apparently the new energizing trend is to get naked, go outside, and let the sun shine where the sun doesn’t normally shine.

Self-proclaimed wellness gurus have had their “perineum sunning” social media posts go viral recently, resulting in plenty of jokes and some curious followers. The exercise is pretty simple, and the results are, supposedly, life-changing. Metaphysicalmeagan, who describes herself as a “healer, teacher, weightlifter, and superfood superhuman,” posted a photo of herself taint tanning five weeks ago on Instagram.

She is seen lying on her back on a rock, feet high up in the air, sunshine doing its thing. Meagan says she’s included the practice in her morning routine for a few weeks and the benefits include, but certainly are not limited to, “surges of energy almost immediately, better sleep, better connection to my sexual energy & control of my life force. “

Basically, you can now ditch the coffeemaker.

While Meagan had a lot to say about the ancient practice, a Twitter user summed it up a little more succinctly.

“People out here butt-chugging sunlight,” user Nice Nun wrote.

People out here butt-chugging sunlight. pic.twitter.com/o8rxNwyASA — Nice Nun (@sisterofonline) November 25, 2019

While that tweet made Meagan go viral, another influencer also swears by the practice, which has its roots in Taoism. Guru ra_of_earth also had a post go viral in which three guys are seen roasting their rumps. According to Ra:

“In a mere 30 seconds of sunlight on your butthole, you will receive more energy from this electric node than you would in an entire day being outside with your clothes on.”

Influencers continue to praise the perineum practice, but doctors have warned that it isn’t truly effective and cautioned those who venture outside to still be aware of sun damage.

“There is no evidence that sunbathing in this way has any effect on physical wellbeing,” Dr Diana Gall from Doctor-4-U told Insider. “Yes, practicing mindfulness and meditation, and getting your dose of Vitamin D, is beneficial for mental and physical health, but you don’t need to damage your skin in the process from sun exposure.”

And let’s all remember that tanned assholes already had their heyday.

You kids think tanned assholes are a NEW trend?



[takes a long drag of his cigarette]



Let me tell you about the summer of 2009. https://t.co/zyDDX081xV pic.twitter.com/LPxMx47ouX — Tommy Vietor (@TVietor08) November 27, 2019

Do you think this new/old trend of perineum sunning is Funny or Offensive? Vote and comment now…