Monday

One of the more remarkable features of the Labour party conference was just how few MPs made the effort to come to Brighton. A couple of outliers parachuted themselves in for the day, but the large majority avoided the conference entirely. Which meant that many of the fringe meetings consisted of the same few shadow cabinet ministers and union leaders making much the same speech over and over again. Regardless of what the topic under discussion was meant to be. It did all get quite dull at times. But it was hard to blame so many MPs for staying away, because for most of the first three days the atmosphere was fairly toxic as delegates appeared more interested in blood feuds than getting ready for an election. Having spent the first two days unsuccessfully trying to remove the deputy leader, Tom Watson – one of the few Labour moderates who still bothers to attend conference – the Corbyn wing of the party then went on to slug it out among themselves. The battleground was between those who believed the whole point of joining Corbyn’s Labour party was that its members now got to decide policy and those who reckoned that the leader and those close to him were entitled to do exactly as they wished. Amid rumours of a stitch-up that involved Corbyn’s team packing the hall and the refusal of the chair to allow a formal card vote, the latter prevailed and Labour’s position on Brexit stayed one of creative ambiguity rather than a clear backing of remain. Lord make me a democrat, but not yet.

Tuesday

Having sat through all three days of the supreme court hearing, I wasn’t entirely surprised that the judges upheld the Scottish verdict and allowed Gina Miller’s appeal in the English courts. The government lawyers had appeared hopelessly unprepared compared to Lord Pannick and their entire case seemed to rest on the argument that the government was entitled to do pretty much what it pleased when it came to suspending parliament. So the judges shouldn’t worry their pretty little heads about anything: Boris Johnson could prorogue for as long as he wanted and for whatever reason and there wasn’t a damn thing anyone could do about it. Lord Keen and the rest of the government team appeared to have missed the bit in Constitutional Law for Dommies that said the executive was subservient to parliament and should not frustrate its will. But I was taken aback that the judgment was unanimous and so damning. There was an audible gasp among the dozens of lobby journalists in the press room at the Labour conference when Lady Hale delivered the verdict and then pandemonium as everyone tried to work out what to do next. Within an hour many reporters had already decamped back to Westminster. The Labour party was also completely wrongfooted but quickly realised it was a win-win situation. They could prevent Tom Watson speaking by bringing forward Jeremy Corbyn’s speech into the time slot allocated for the deputy leader, while the government’s defeat would mean the conference, which had up till then been a bit of a car-crash, would quickly get forgotten. I left Brighton a day early, taking a late train back to London. The one member of the Guardian team who stayed on at the charming B&B we were in told me the owner looked devastated when no one came down to eat the fabulous breakfast he had prepared. I’m sorry Steve. I had a lovely stay, my room was great and you couldn’t have been more welcoming. I hope you’ll have us back another time.

Wednesday

One of the more unusual takes on the supreme court judgment was Michael Gove insisting that Boris Johnson was a winner like Pep Guardiola, the Manchester City manager. If losing six consecutive votes in the Commons, being found to have unlawfully prorogued parliament, ’losing your majority in parliament, being accused of misconduct in public office through the award of a grant to a friend whose UK phone number redirects you to a Florida mailbox – not to mention countless other minor acts of self-harm – makes you a winner, I’d hate to think what Gove reckons would make up a losing streak. I’m fairly certain Guardiola would have been fired by City if he had managed all that in under three months. Hell, even Spurs would have second thoughts about that kind of record and we’ve just been knocked out of the Carabao Cup by league two Colchester. In words I thought I’d never write, Johnson is even making David Cameron look a bit of a winner. Not for anything he did in government obviously, but for the success of his memoirs which have gone straight into the Sunday Times and Amazon top 10 bestseller lists in the first week. I had confidently predicted that Cameron’s memoir would quickly end up in remainder shops, with everyone having had more than enough of him through the extended serialisations in the papers and media exposure elsewhere, but it turns out that there are 20,000 people and counting who are desperate to learn more. If my second book of political sketches – with new bits! – Decline and Fail (out late October) sells that many in its first week, I will be delirious. Cameron has already earned back £40K of his advance. Just another £760K to go.

Thursday

Doctors have long been aware of the placebo effect. But a new study conducted by scientists in Germany on students suffering from exam anxiety takes it to a whole new level. Up till now it has always been assumed that the placebo effect relies on patients believing the medicines they are taking have active ingredients in them. But the German researchers divided their study into two groups, one of which was given nothing at all and the other told that the medicine they were being asked to take twice daily was an Open Label Placebo with nothing in it that could treat anxiety. Amazingly, over the 14-day trial period the OLP group saw their anxiety scores fall by four points and their self-management skills increase by 16-points. The scores for the group that was given nothing remained more or less the same throughout the two weeks. I’ve sometimes wondered just how effective the medications I take to help control my depression and anxiety are and whether they work because I believe they work, but have long since concluded that I don’t really care one way or the other. My mental health feels far too precious and fragile for me to turn myself into a one-man drug trial by experimenting with either coming off or trying alternatives. However low I may be feeling, I’m always only too aware there’s no situation that can’t get worse. It’s the Spurs fan in me.

Friday

Another manic week – almost every week appears to be unprecedented these days – in politics ended with some of the most unpleasant scenes in Westminster I have ever witnessed. Boris Johnson appears to be physically and emotionally incapable of apologising for anything he has done. Rather – in classic Trump playbook style – he doubles down at every turn by making out that he is the real victim and that he only behaves the way he does because everyone else drives him to it. A man with no sense of personal responsibility. He has left many MPs feeling bruised, angry and depressed by insisting his language of surrender, traitors and betrayal has nothing to do with the abuse and death threats that many have received and that they have brought it on themselves by not delivering his as yet unspecified Brexit. One thing that the Incredible Sulk didn’t manage to spoil, though, was my Thursday night. About five months ago, I booked tickets to see Agrippina – a tragicomic opera of ambition, power and lust set in ancient Rome that now looks quite normal compared to the current incumbent of No 10 – and had feared there might be a critical debate or vote that prevented me from going. For once, though, Johnson didn’t let me down and the opera didn’t disappoint. Three hours in which my soul was temporarily restored. The singing, staging, acting and music were all sensational but Joyce DiDonato in the title role was in a league of her own. She is one of the greatest performers of her generation and was worth every penny and more of the arm and a leg the tickets cost me. It’s odd to be a fan boy at the age of 62, but I’ve seen her many times now and have always come aware that I have been in the presence of a rare talent. An artist generous enough to reach out and touch you with her genius. With one held note and a raised eyebrow she can both break your heart and freeze it. Beg, borrow or steal to get a ticket. You won’t regret it.

Digested week: 11-0

Trump to Boris: ‘Supreme court’s nothing. Try getting impeached.’ Photograph: Saul Loeb/AFP/Getty Images