Real life isn’t like Deep Throat, unfortunately. There’s no clit in my esophagus. But there are a few things you can do to make a blow job more comfortable for me, thereby ensuring that you continue to receive bomb brain. Follow these etiquette guidelines to ensure that the generous soul going down on you feels respected and keeps the head…coming.

Communicate

Some women don’t want their hair touched; others enjoy a nice scalp massage while sucking D. Hair rules are just one thing you should communicate about during the blow job process. Another one is condoms. Let’s be real, strapping on a condom to get a beej is rare, but if you’re with someone new it never hurts to ask if they’d feel more comfortable if you wear one. The most crucial aspect of blow job communication is discussing techniques. If the person going down on you is trying some shit you dislike, don’t be afraid to politely tell them. People tend to respond best to positive feedback, so when they do something that you love, throw out some moans and “yeah babies” so they know you dig it. Integrate feedback into dirty talk. Then, the next time they go down on you, it will be even better! Giving head can be intimidating, and it’s not always easy to know if you’re doing it right. Have you ever experienced angst over whether you’re actually good at eating pussy? We feel that, too, when giving head, so compliments and encouragement are much appreciated.

Make Sure She’s Comfortable

While oral sex often takes place in a comfy bed, many of history’s best blow jobs have gone down elsewhere: The Oval Office, a karaoke-bar bathroom, or in the living room while 30 Rock reruns are on. A good throw pillow is a rare sight in a filthy bar bathroom, but if you’re seated on your couch and your partner is on her knees (hot), be a gentleman and offer a pillow so she doesn't get rug burn or bruises. The comfier she is, the better it will be for you.

Consider Cleanliness

Some people will tell you to always shower before sex—I’m not one of them. B.O. is hot, and plenty of women enjoy a nostril full of man scent. However, if it’s the summer and you’ve just run outside for an hour in spandex, be a gentleman and wash up before getting head (unless your sweaty ball sack is something that you and your special person are into). Better yet, invite your lady with you and do the bone-licking in the shower.

Don’t Kill Her

Do I have your attention? I understand that you’re probably not someone who tries to murder people with your penis, but women just can never know for certain. Deep-throating and gagging can be hot. I get it; if I had a penis and someone made some gagging noises while going down on me, I can see why that could be kinky and arousing. But don’t be an asshole about it. Don’t grab her head and shove your peen down her throat. Don’t be aggressive. Unless you’ve discussed beforehand that you’re going to have rough oral sex, be polite and hold back on the thrusting. Let her set the pace, and if you’d prefer a more intense style, ask for it.

Warn Her Before You Come

This could be included in the communication rule, but it’s so important it warrants its own section. Give her a warning before you blow your load. In a perfect world, you would have discussed beforehand if she wants to swallow or not, but I understand that’s not always realistic. It’s the blower’s right to decide what happens with your cum. And you must respect that. Don’t tell her you’re coming as you’re coming—give her enough time to adjust if she doesn’t want to eat your man butter. There are plenty of options besides swallowing: She can spit, you can come on boobs, stomach, your PlayStation, wherever. Do not come on her face without asking.

Treat Her Like Royalty Afterward

While a standalone blowie can be hot, if it’s part of an oral-sex swap, the woman should go first, since men fall asleep after they come. Regardless of what you’re up to, please make sure the person kind enough to treat you to oral delight has also had her sexual needs met. After that’s been attended to and you’ve gotten yours as well, treat her like a queen. Offer her a breath mint, or perhaps a nice palate-cleansing snack like grapes and Brie. Snuggle. If this is someone you want to win over and continue hanging out with, offer her a post-BJ massage. “Here, let me rub your shoulders after all of that.” Swoons.

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