Chapter 19

A Weiss Cold Shower for a Xiao Long Time

(A/N: This is now without a doubt the most ridiculous chapter that I have ever written. I hope you enjoy the absurdity, and please don't take anything here too seriously. God bless)

*bing*

Ruby stood breathing heavily as once again the brass elevator doors parted this time on the correct floor. Twice her shaky finger had missed the button she'd wanted, something more than a little embarrassing for the official button presser of team RWBY, and set her on an unexpected adventure with other students getting aboard but never getting off on the freshman floor. She hadn't been able to match any names to familiar faces, but most had been polite asking how she was doing and attempting to make small talk, which admittedly had never been Ruby's strong suit.

A few students however had completely ignored her and acted as though they'd gotten aboard the elevator with a ghost. Why Ruby couldn't be sure but she suspected it might've had something to do with the little charade her teammates performed during their walk around the crowded courtyard last week, and perhaps seeing her after what appeared to be an intense training session shook what little confidence they had left. Ruby personally preferred these explanations as absurd as they may be as the alternative meant she reeked of sweat and body odor even worse than she thought.

Only one student had remained totally silent but hadn't completely ignored her. She'd been the last person to enter and exit the elevator, and had been a petite girl even smaller than herself and Weiss, but had carried herself confidently like an upperclassman might. She'd had dark hair that matched the funeral-like attire of Haven Academy's students, and had bright green eyes that complimented the whip wrapped around her waist like a belt. She'd given a knowing, almost playful smile that made Ruby wonder if they had met previously, and her farewell consisted of a polite wave as she walked out the elevator pretending it seemed to be walking on a tightrope or balance beam.

It was almost a relief to have met someone nearly as shy and quirky as herself, but Ruby couldn't help groaning inwardly that she hadn't introduced herself and all she'd done to acknowledge her presence was nod and rasp out a barely audible 'Hello'. It was maddening, but especially because the girl had smelled like all of her favorite flavors of ice cream.

As much as her usual awkwardness around strangers was to blame Ruby also simply felt too exhausted and her mind too preoccupied to concentrate on conversation, and more than once had caught herself giving the wrong one word response to questions but hadn't bothered correcting herself. At this point she doubted anyone at the school would think twice about a conversation with Ruby Rose as being strange. They'd probably find it stranger if the conversation wasn't strange.

Exiting the elevator she spied Blake standing in the doorway of their room gesturing for her to come quickly with an expression that Ruby interpreted as her being afraid to go in by herself. Their room being the scene of a gruesome murder was a distinct possibility that floated in Ruby's mind, though a double homicide was more likely given the pizza delivery boy lying lifelessly on the floor with heat radiating off of him and lien sticking out his shirt pocket.

Ruby couldn't be sure how long Blake had been standing there like a statue but despite wearing the majority of her accessories again she should've long since finished dressing and returned upstairs. That is if she hadn't been spying on her leader like Ruby assumed she had. Her running up and down the stairwell to try and keep up with the elevator certainly would've explained why she was out of breath.

As she approached, curious but also cautious of what her sister and partner had wrought in their absence, Ruby glanced at the door slightly ajar across from theirs that had four heads cartoonishly stacked atop each other.

"Ruby!?" Jaune jumped and luckily he'd been on top of the pile as he would've probably taken someone's teeth out with how violently his head jerked up. His face was bright and had frozen somewhere between shock and joy seeing his fellow leader back on her feet and walking around. He stumbled over his words a few times but on the fourth or fifth attempt Ruby was finally able to understand him. "How did the training session go!?"

Before she could give an answer longer than just a single word, something she felt Jaune more than deserved but especially since it was his team's training session hers had borrowed, and before she could ask Nora how the pizza was, Pyrrha elbowed her partner and pushed him back into the room seconds before Ren grabbed his by the collar and drag her back in.

"Not a good time, Jaune," she said over his groans before smiling, or at least attempting to, down at Ruby. When she realized her usual radiant smile looked nothing like it did on a box of 'Pumpkin Pete's' the tall redhead panicked and slammed the door in Ruby's face and even went so far as to lock and bolt it. "S-sorry!" a shaken, polite voice shouted from the other side.

Slowly the puzzled caped-girl turned to Blake who was now wearing a devilish grin and was inviting her to come see what had her so excited. Hesitantly Ruby accepted and almost immediately regretted her decision.

Their room was in total chaos and disrepair as if a great battle had taken place or a certain Atlesian had gone on vacation for the weekend. The desk had been overturned and all its contents lay scattered across the floor, and from its scorch marks it looked as though it'd been used as cover while its corresponding chair balanced precariously on the windowsill. The bookshelves had been knocked over and Ruby's bunk was now hanging by only two ropes and swayed dangerously as though daring her to crawl into bed, while underneath Zwei slept obliviously on one of Weiss' few remaining unscorched pillows.

The mini-fridge was the only thing left unscathed and stacked on top were a dozen boxes of 'Cut My Life Into Pizzas' which was everyone's favorite, and though her nose was stopped up and full of dust Ruby could tell extra anchovies had been added just by Blake's salivating mouth, but knew something even more important must've been happening for her to not have already devoured a box.

Using her expert huntress skills of deduction she found two trails of water leading from the other side of the room to the front door. One person to take the pizzas off the delivery boy's hands and the other to pay and handsomely tip him, she reasoned. Only now after avoiding it for so long did Ruby follow the trails to the bathroom and found the door lying on the ground having been taken off its hinges again.

"Oh no..." she murmured, her head and shoulders slumping. "Not again..."

"Oh yes again..." Blake said with delight, her eyes twinkling. Having promised herself to never make the same mistake again she began digging inside her jacket for her scroll.

Steam was rising out of the bathroom as did the strong aromas of citrus, vanilla, and lavender, which after four months living together with her roommates had become some of Ruby's very favorite fragrances alongside ice cream and baking cookies but now would likely give her nightmares for the rest of her life. DSNY music from the movie they'd watched just the night before played in the background while two girls sang along, one of whom was distinctly off-key and a half-second behind both the music and the angelic voice she was sharing the duet with.

Sitting in the bathtub with their back toward them and covered by lavender colored bubbles was Yang. Her left leg hung outside the tub trying desperately to keep rhythm with the music but was failing miserably. She didn't seem too bothered however and she happily swished the contents of her cocktail glass accessorized by a tiny yellow umbrella.

"Come on, Weiss-y," she called out. "Just try one. Strawberry sunrises are good for you, and the way I make 'em it'll put some hair on your chest. Actually scratch that. It'll give you a chest to have hair on."

Even for Yang she laughed too loudly and for too long a time for such an easy joke, and immediately Ruby recognized her sister as having reached that mystical plateau told of in huntsmen legends and lore of being just sober enough to function properly but also drunk enough to enjoy every moment of life.

"Y-you wanna know s-something I don't like about you?" replied a voice that cracked on every other syllable and was noticeably struggling to keep their courtly Atlesian accent. Ruby pried her eyes off of her sister and followed the higher than normal pitched voice to the opaque shower curtain where a shadowy figure was bent over scrubbing their legs.

"It's the hair. It gets everywhere but especially down the drain."

"Your hair's almost just as long," Yang said lazily, "and how do you even know its mine?"

"Oh I don't know, could it be because you're the only blonde bimbo I have the misfortune of sharing a room with?"

"Could be Jaune's," she offered. "Remember that time their water stopped working and Rubes offered to let them all shower here? The shower you are currently standing naked in..."

Weiss made a sound that might've been her choking on her tongue, and had her hand on the curtain as though she might attempt a hasty escape. Sharing a shower with three other girls was bad enough, not to mention Pyrrha and Nora on occasion, but two boys having stood naked where she now stood was far too much.

"What's wrong, Weiss? In sudden need of a cold shower? You're in the right place for it."

The shadowy figure shook their head and huffed indignantly. "No, and for your information the hair was much too long to be Jaune's."

"Maybe it wasn't from atop his head?" replied a suggestive sounding voice. "Could be from his back or maybe his chest, or you know, somewhere further south..."

Again Weiss made another choking sound this time sounding as though she may even vomit, and Yang took the opportunity to casually sip her strawberry sunrise and make bets with herself on how long it'd take for the heiress to pass out or slip and break her neck. Not that she minded just sitting in the tub getting further buzzed, but they were supposed to have switched places at least ten minutes ago and at this rate by the time Ruby and Blake got back there wouldn't be enough hot water for them.

'Sucks to be them I guess,' she decided before clearing her head with another sip.

"You w-wanna know what else I don't like about you?" Weiss insisted, using the shower bar to steady herself while she peered at what appeared to be a large, sprawling tree in the corner.

"Please enlighten me."

"All of your shampoos, conditioners, body washes, lotions, moisturizers, shaving gels, and your dozens of other hair products! I can never find mine without digging through all your junk!"

"Alright, now you're entering personal and dangerous territory, princess," Yang hollered, having no regard for their neighbors, "and right now is not the time to start with me. I've got a pretty good buzz going and because of your little finger twirling trick I still can't feel anything below the waist."

Blake slowly glanced down at Ruby wearing a grin so wide she thought she might have to wear it for the rest of her life. Ruby meanwhile just stared straight ahead either ignoring her or trying to figure out just what her sister meant by 'little finger twirling trick' and what it had to do with not feeling her lower extremities.

"I'm sure feeling numb and tingly downstairs is a common occurrence for you," Weiss said dryly. "Also, have you seen my razor?"

Yang giggled and raised her glass in approval. "Bottom left rack behind Blake and Zwei's ear drops. Are the snow covered bushes about to get their winter trimming?"

The figure sighed and froze mid-motion. "Why does everything that dribbles out of your mouth have to be an innuendo or euphemism?"

"Because dirty jokes are funnier when you're clever about it."

"Clever? Really? Could've fooled me."

"Lots of things fool you, princess. Anyway, you could've avoided this conversation if you would've just followed through with our agreement and gotten undressed out of the shower, or hadn't tipped the guy wearing a towel like a wimp. That was part of the loser's punishment and I'd been looking forward to your striptease."

"Sorry to disappoint you, and for the record I never agreed to that..."

"No disappointments here. Watching your every move on the other side of the curtain is a lot of fun actually, and your clothes flying overhead was pretty hot- I mean cool too."

Weiss paused perhaps having forgotten that the curtain was partially see-through, and turned away to obscure the blonde's view.

"Hey..." Yang drawled suggestively, a thought coming to her mid-sip. "If you're having too much trouble standing or just getting tired of it there's still plenty of room here in the tub for the both of us and Rubes' rubber duck."

Ruby's head snapped to attention as this bonding exercise and practical use of limited hot water suddenly became a hostage situation. Col. Quackers, a decorated war hero who had never done anything to anyone to deserve such torment was now trapped in a prison of lavender bubbles belonging to once ally Blake and guarded by a tipsy siren without shame or modesty.

"No thank you," an angelic singsong voice called back politely. "I'm quite comfortable in here. It's just a shame there's only enough room for one. Oh well, better luck next time."

"Shows what you know," Yang scoffed. "Two people can fit in a shower just fine. It just makes things more adventurous is all, and adds a certain element of danger. If you don't wanna take my word for it just knock on the door across the hall. I'm sure Pyrrha and Nora could tell you some fun stories." She took a sip and furrowed her brow as if she were about to say something that required a more sober mind. "See what you do is have the taller person, in this case me, be the support and the person who does all the real work while the shorter person, you, holds on to them for dear life. It's fun and it saves water, and it's the preferred method of how dirty boys and girls get clean."

"I'm going to pretend that you're not speaking from personal experience and as usual are just speaking nonsense or repeating what you saw in one of your many indecent shows and movies."

"Hey, you and Rubes might've been covering your eyes but I saw you peeking during the shower scene. Hopefully one of these days I catch her too. Anyway, you've never had an annoying little sister that despite having super speed was taking forever and hogging all the hot water. Also, in case you've forgotten you and I have technically shared a shower together."

Ruby blinked several times and Blake stifled a laugh.

"Excuse you! I seem to recall a blonde brute physically throwing me out of the bathroom with barely enough time to grab a towel!"

"Blake said she thought she saw a split end. You could've stayed if you'd promised to behave, but I was not going to put up with any of your prudishness during an emergency and I wasn't exactly in the mood to have fun either."

"Prudishness?! Fun!? Try decency! If you'd like to shower with someone why don't you try your partner instead!"

"Crap..." someone outside the room muttered under their breath.

"Tried. Twice actually. Both times Blake ended up slapping me and not where you think. I'm kinda hazy on the details at the moment, but the first time she and I really ever really got to know one another I'm pretty sure I was naked and had just gotten out of the shower in the girl's locker room. Not too sure what happened afterward but do I know how to make a hell of good first impression or what? I betcha that's why she chose me to be her partner. Can't say that I blame her."

Ruby slowly glanced up at the scarlet faced faunus who looked as though she were trying to speak but no coherent words would come. 'It's not like how it sounds,' she mouthed. Ruby just blinked as if unimpressed and turned her attention back to the hostage.

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response, except to say that I'm not surprised in either of you."

"Good, means more talking for me. Now are you coming out or am I going in? You're taking forever and I'm turning into a prune in here."

"I'll come out when I'm good and ready."

"Yeah you'll come out alright," Yang snorted. "You better hurry too because I'm not gonna wait forever, and neither will Rubes for that matter."

"I will remind you that I am a Schnee!" Weiss huffed, still struggling to speak normally. "The richest, most influential family on Remnant, and all that remains of true nobility. I cannot and will not stand idly by listening to your idle threats and unfounded insinuations, and-"

"Here we go again..." she rolled her eyes and raised the glass to her lips.

"-and with one call I could have you killed and make sure nobody goes looking offshore of the industrial district for your decomposing, bullet riddled corpse. HA!"

Yang looking bored and unimpressed finished off her drink and set the cocktail glass down but continued playing with the little yellow umbrella. "Yeah well I'll remind you that I am Yang Xiao 'Freaking' Long and could do a ventriloquist act by shoving my arm up inside you and using your mouth like a sock puppet. And there's not a darn thing you or anyone else could do to stop me."

"Is that right?"

"That's right, and as for the cops go all I'd have to do is undo a couple of buttons, be a little cuter than I already am, and maybe flair my aura a bit and I'd get away with murder just as easily as a speeding ticket or that road rage incident last year that totally wasn't my fault."

"Well in case you've forgotten I trounced you earlier this morning, and if it wasn't for me preferring to shower before relaxing in the tub I'd throw you out myself."

"HA! You and what army?"

"Oh I don't know, how about the army my family funds and develops for?"

"Psshhh. And after I'm done breaking all of the SDC's cardboard toys who are they gonna send to stop me? Mr. and Mrs. Doesn't Exist? Please, one of them would be dead and the other would fall in love with me. I would suggest going next door and asking Pyrrha for help but I don't think she's entirely forgiven you for trying to steal Jaune out from under her, literally. Heh, get it? She'd probably rather join me in the tub and drink strawberry sunrises and eat pizza until we either passed out or started-"

"Pyrrha is a four time Mistralian regional champion and would NEVER sink to the likes of you, so don't-"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did bringing up your little fangirl crush hit a nerve? If you can't take it don't start it."

"Start it!? You shot me in the-"

"Only because you said something about me and a pig!"

"You bit me!" Weiss screeched.

"You stepped on my foot!"

"You stepped on MY foot!"

"Yeah well I was barefoot and wasn't the one wearing high heels!"

The pair growled at each other with only an opaque shower curtain and a few feet between them, and outside the bathroom spying on them Blake was busily shaking her head with a smile.

"So this is how team RWBY implodes and losses its first letter," she deadpanned. "Not from Grimm, Torchwick, the White Fang, or one of our leader's many harebrained ideas. It's your drunk naked sister getting in a fight in the shower with your probably drunk but equally as naked partner. I just wish I could say that I'm surprised and didn't see this coming."

"Yeah me too..." Ruby admitted. Actually this was doomsday scenario 38-C in their handwritten handbook of why Yang and Weiss weren't supposed to be left alone without supervision. Unfortunately for some reason there were very few volunteers, namely Zwei, who had probably been bribed with treats and was currently sleeping at his post.

With her glazed-over eyes starting to flicker Yang stuck the tiny umbrella in her hair just above her left ear and began rummaging around the tub as though she'd dropped something. With a devilish chuckle that matched her lopsided grin she retrieved a soaking wet yellow washcloth which she immediately rinsed out. With a snap of her fingers the washcloth was set ablaze with a golden flame and she raised her arm.

"Heads up, Ice Queen!"

The shadowy figure looked up just as the ball of fire came flying overhead and nearly landed atop of her. Yang's face turned bright red from laughing at Weiss' shrieking and dancing behind the curtain and trying to use the detachable shower head to extinguish the aura fueled flame.

Tears rolled down her face but there was little time for Yang celebrate as once the flame was successfully doused Weiss pulled the curtain back just enough to stick her head and arm out, and with a look that could've turned the badlands of Vacuo into a winter wonderland directed at the still howling blonde, she shaped her hand like a gun and a light blue glyph suddenly appeared. Yang however sprung forward just in time to swipe the stream ice out of the air.

"Ha! Don't make me get out of this bathtub!" she said with a cocky grin, tidal waves of soapy water spilling over the sides of the tub. She made a motion as though she was about to stand up which caused Weiss to flinch and nearly retreat back behind the curtain, but slowly her lip curled into something wicked and she held out her hand again.

"How about I help you with that..."

Without warning Yang flipped upside down and hug over the bathtub slowly spinning in circles as though a rope was wrapped around her ankles. Her bare body flailed in rage mingled with fear trying to escape the white gravity glyph, all the while screaming and cursing the heiress who watched with the brightest, most genuine smile Ruby had ever seen on her partner's face. The more she kicked her legs and thrashed the more that soap suds covered the bathroom and revealed what little modesty Yang Xiao Long had been hiding, including her usually hidden birthmark.

"Put me down you frigid bi-"

"As you wish..."

Yang let out a terrified shriek as she plummeted head first into the tub below. An elbow bounced off its sides before she came to an abrupt halt when her head hit the bottom of the tub. For a moment her body stood straight as an arrow with her legs spread at awkward angles, before gravity fully returned and she banged a knee hard on the way down. Soapy water and suds cascaded onto the floor below and to the caped-girl's horror so did Col. Cornelius E. Quackers. Five time recipient of the purple heart, and soon to be six if he could just hold out for a little longer...

Weiss' high-pitched laughter that more resembled screams filled the dorm while the two girls spying on them from the other room could hardly breathe despite their mouths gaping open. Yang's lifeless body rose to the surface, floating for what felt like an eternity before blonde tentacles slowly emerged reminding Ruby of the creature from the blue lagoon. Yang's eyes were crimson with her pupils nowhere to be seen, and she floated partially submerged in the water like a patient crocodile stalking unwitting prey.

The bathwater began to boil and Weiss' laughter tapered off and began being replaced by whimpers. "OH GOD NO!" she screamed, retreating behind the curtain just as Yang leaped out of the tub for her throat.

"YOU ARE SO FREAKING DEAD!" Yang cried, breaking and overpowering Weiss' many gravity glyphs with her aura, something she'd been too impaired, angry, and terrified to think to do before. Now she was just one of the three...

She nearly slipped and fell several times just in the short distance to the shower curtain, and grabbing ahold she tried ripping it away with all her might while dozens of gravity glyphs attempted to keep the curtain secure along with a combination of ice glyphs and water from the shower.

"Please, Yang!" she begged. "I'm sorry! HELP! Please don't kill me while I'm naked! HELP! At least let me put clothes on first! HELP! PLEASE I DON'T WANNA DIE NAKED!"

"SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE!" Yang raised a leg and pressed her foot against the wall for extra leverage. More and more glyphs appeared every second but were only slowing Yang's progress and appeared to only be making her more irate. "YOU'RE JUST MAKING IT WORSE FOR YOURSELF!"

"SOMEHOW I DON'T THINK THAT'S POSSIBLE!"

Blake's legs were frozen in a strange mixture of delight and terror, and so she merely watched only occasionally glancing away to make sure her scroll was still recording and capturing everything. She took a small bite out of the anchovy pizza that she had snuck, but mid-chew she paused having thought she heard a familiar rifle cocking over the sounds of increasingly impressive death threats and shrill screaming, all set to catchy DSNY music of course.

She glanced down where she thought she heard the sound and saw Ruby crouched in front of her with Crescent Rose pointed toward the now open shower curtain. Blake moved her scroll to get a better view of Yang wrestling Weiss into the corner and wrapping the shower head hose around her throat, but before she could try and soothe the trigger happy girl over the loss of her beloved rubber duck she heard a sing-song voice accompanied by soft laughter.

'Twinkle twinkle my dear team, watch me shoot and make you scream...'

"Ruby?" she asked cautiously. "What are you-"

*KABLLOOOOM!*

A duet of ear piercing screams filled the campus and Ruby flew backwards into Blake's chest, knocking the wind out of her and both of them onto the ground. Holding the back of her head and feeling concussed Blake opened her eyes and found that the bathroom had become a skating rink covered in a sheet of ice. Snowflakes filled the air and awed Blake with their beauty, but her bow twitching from the sounds of whimpering and teeth chattering caused her attention to turn to the icy prison that used to be their shower.

Two girls lay on the ground shivering with their bodies pressed against each other and tangled together with the opaque shower curtain almost like they were cuddling underneath a blanket for warmth. Blake laughed out loud and again glanced down at her scroll to make sure it was still capturing this priceless gold but instead found a rifle laying in her lap. Confused she looked up and found Ruby with a slice of pizza hanging from her mouth, a partially frozen rubber duck in one hand, and in the other a scroll that she kept turning back and forth between the cuddling pair in the shower with their arms wrapped around each other and the groggy faunus holding a smoking rifle with frost on the end of the barrel.

"Blake did it!" she yelled, pointing accusingly.

Mortified Blake stared into the bathroom and saw the crimson eyes of Yang and cold hearted eyes of Weiss staring back, and not even their naked bodies frozen together could make her smile as she imagined a ventriloquist doll with cat ears decomposing in the industrial district. Stripped naked and humiliated first of course as detailed extensively in doomsday scenario 73-B of their handbook...

(A/N: Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed. Originally this chapter was supposed to be the second half of Chapter 18 but I decided that it didn't quite fit the tone and decided to make it its own stand alone chapter (literally), and to be honest shorter chapters are a lot more appealing to me these days. As for this chapter, I greatly enjoyed writing it and while Yang probably crossed the line a time or two, like her I have no regrets. It looks like team RW_Y are going to be holding try outs very soon. Very sad, but at least Blake's death wasn't in vain. I really do hope that you enjoyed the absurdity of this chapter, and hope that you won't take anything too seriously. I always enjoy these "bonding" moments between Yang and Weiss, and I hope you all do too. All credit goes to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who has blessed me with this story and the most wonderful readers in the world. God bless)