Curious why Michael Dell was so eager to take the company he founded private? So he could do stuff like this without attracting too much attention. According to the Channel Register, the recently LBOed company is "starting the expected huge layoff program this week, claiming numbers will be north of 15,000." Of course, with a private sponsor in charge of the recently public company, the only thing that matters now is maximizing cash flows in an environment of falling PC sales, a commoditisation of the server market and a perceived need to better serve enterprises with their ever-increasing mobile and cloud-focused IT requirements - things that do not bode well for Dell's EBITDA - and the result is perhaps the largest axing round in the company's history. But at least the shareholders cashed out while they could.

More on the upcoming layoffs:

We heard from people close to the Round Rock Dell HQ area that Dell management has every conference room booked, and every HR person and security staff member is at work. There are cuts in all departments, according to one of our sources, who says some of these have already been downsized and are now being told to cut 15 per cent more heads. We hear the worldwide layoff number is now greater than 15,000 people. Our insider commented: "It’s going to be a bloodbath.”

So what can those on the receiving end of said bloodbath expect? Not much. "The severance package is two months' pay plus an extra week of pay for each year of service, a bonus at 75 per cent, obligated COBRA health insurance for 18 months in the United States, and outplacement services (in the US at least)."

The internal justification for th move:

... Dell has started its Stateside layoffs this week. Internal company emails seen by The Reg mention “simplifying client support structure - both basic and up sell,” “client support structure combined - Consumer and Commercial come under one umbrella,” and “Up sell offers will align with Pro Support and will "evolve”. The “evolve” word could mean that further changes are coming.

Also known as trying to remain cash flow positive in a world that has long since moved on and left Dell in the dust....

We wish the company's billionaire founder well as he progresses with the bloodbathing, just as we wish the BLS the best of luck in the coming weeks as they use every seasonal adjustment gimmick known under the sun to make the 15,000 mass termination disappear. Wait, we know: it's all the weather's fault. And demographcs.