It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!

BTS ft. Halsey – Boy With Luv

Like most of what BTS put out, it looks great and is cleverly fine-tuned to appeal to their audience, and it’s pleasant enough but it’s nothing special musically. My readers were right that I prefer “Dionysus” which is a bit more of a throwback to their early sound.

Okay so what the fuck are 1the9 actually doing

So this is a little confusing. The first song you hear on this video for “Spotlight” isn’t “Spotlight” but is actually the much better “The Story”, which is also in long-ass full drama form here:

The group also have an MV for their entire mini-album here:

Not sure why they’re bothering with all this crap, perhaps this is what you gotta do as a new group to make a splash in BTS release week. Anyway apart from “The Story” (which is okay) it all sucks so whatever.

Camila – Take Me Home

Sorry Camila you’re too late – you’ve already been superceded both musically and in MRS terms by Girl Crush last week.

OOHYO – Tennis

It’s pretty much just “Pizza” with more tempo changes. That’s not a bad thing.

Great Guys – Dang!

Isn’t it good that in these worrisome times with boy group members going around raping everyone and sharing it on their phones, that there’s a group out there called “Great Guys”? I think we can trust them to not be rapists, I’m sure k-pop wouldn’t engage in such false advertising. If things turn out differently I really am going to be shattered – if we can’t even believe in k-pop group names, what is there left to believe in… anyway you can stan this group safely, all you woke readers.

Bvndit – Hocus Pocus

It’s just that usual bullshit sound we’re all sick of. A waste of time debut, imagine misspelling your own group name for nothing.

Jackson – Oxygen

Jackson by his own admission can’t rap – look, we believe you, you can stop trying to convince us now.

NCT 127 – Wakey Wakey

I missed this one a few weeks ago, but can you blame me, well you probably could, but you shouldn’t.

Jaejoong – Impossible

Boring.

Eunha & Ravi – Blossom

Eunha looks the best she probably ever has yet in this terrifyingly shit Pepsi commercial thing.

IZ*ONE – Up

Hey look it’s another boring song from this group that I probably won’t even remember exists in a week’s time.

Monogram – Once Again

Yeah we’re into the boring shit I always skip on the livestream because I’d like to have consistently more than two viewers.

Midnight – Girl Group’s Flooded part 2 – Swish

I have no idea what they’re crapping on about but the music isn’t very good so I don’t feel particularly obliged to care.

Nunsseop – Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah nah nah nah.

Hong Jae Mok – Clementine

Why do these people put traffic in videos for songs like this, as if it’s the perfect match? Asian traffic isn’t relaxing, it’s fucking scary as shit.

Sotong – Dip Dib Dari Doo

Don’t let being paraplegic crush your dreams of being a k-pop singer – you can make shit ballads just as well as anybody else!

High Tension – Ready For

That group who always have guitars in their video that you can never hear is back. I wonder what they’re ready for – turning on their amplifiers, I hope.

B.Jyun – Axel

I thought it was going to be some horrid trap thing – I’m not sure why. Maybe because the guy’s name starts with an initial. Anyway, it’s not that, which is good. Pity that’s the only thing that’s good about it, but oh well.

Gree ft Samuel Seo, Gaeun – Ding Dong Ditch

You can’t spell “Gree” without “Ree”.

Dingo Freestyle – Hi-Lite Sign

Swervy is making Hi-Lite not suck all of a sudden. That, or I only just started noticing.

Coogie ft. Bill Stax – Hooligans

This one’s alright too thanks to the unusual beat – at least until the Autotuned singing starts.

Basick ft. EK – Me

And now back to our regular program of lame trap bullshit.

Jebanoff ft. Sogum – We

And don’t forget the smooth R&B/rap hybrid shit that nobody wants to hear either.

10cm – However

Your regular reminder that 10cm still suck and Korean Indie probably has permanent brain damage from trying to find a good song in three 10cm albums before giving up in despair.

HBY – Tam Tam

Yay boring.

Leebada – Red Rose

It’s not worth upgrading your handicam if the song isn’t worth it, is it.

Gavy NJ – Nothing Better Than You

Gavy NJ are the longest-continuously-running k-pop girl group ever, although they have completely different members now to when they started, so I’m not sure if that counts. The reason why you didn’t know or care about this is because all their songs sound more or less like this one.

Jungigo ft. Hoody – IWST

More smooth boring shit by people who you think would know a little better but obviously don’t.

BLVN – Like An Airplane

It tries but just doesn’t spend enough time rocking.

Daybreak – Dreaming Island

Warning sign: coffee-drinking in music videos.

V-Hawk – Rubber Ball

Alright that’s enough. Goddamn what a week.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK

T-ara’s Eunjung reads some books

I have no idea what she’s reading but I don’t think it’s supposed to matter much, this is clearly just fap material for ASMR nerds and people who like JAV scenes shot in libraries. It’s probably good to fall asleep to as well, it might be useful if you couldn’t be bothered organising your collection of shit Korean R&B songs into a massive playlist to bore yourself to sleep with.

That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse will return next week with more roundup!