Same-sex adoption laws are a staple part of the modern fight for gay equality. Perhaps, even, they are the most important.

After all, can you imagine anything more dehumanising than to be told you are too “damaging” or “unfit” to be a role model for someone in your care?

On second thought, there’s probably a lot you haven’t imagined. For example, what are some of the most common arguments against gay parenting, and why do they still exist?

Thankfully, I’ve enlisted the help of some of the top thinkers from over the past decade to help with just that.

Some of these will blow your mind:

1. It’s paedophilia

Getting the most obvious one out of the way, according to former UKIP city council candidate Dr Julia Gasper, “there is a strong connection between male homosexuality and paedophilia.”

Finally, at least someone has the courage to address the elephant in the room.

Dr Gasper: Telling it like it is

She adds: “There is so much evidence that even a full-length book could hardly do justice to the ­subject.”

I mean, despite the fact that a cursory bit of research will reveal “there is no inherent connection between an adult’s sexual orientation and her or his propensity for endangering others,” it’s at least brave of her to try and push this decades-old agenda.

“Why hush it up?” asks Gasper.

Why, indeed.

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2. It VIOLATES children’s human rights

Yes, it’s child abuse. Seriously, do I even need to spell this one out?

Thankfully, the likes of UKIP candidate Winston McKenzie and Tory peer Lord Tebbit have both shone tremendous amounts of light on this matter.

McKenzie, in 2012, said that having a child adopted by “two men who kiss regularly” is something to “worry about.”

“That is abuse. It is a violation of a child’s human rights because that child has no opportunity to grow up under normal circumstances.”

Shock: Gay parents mercilessly crush infant to death

Lord Tebbit has waded into the debate, saying: “Every statistic shows that children grow up more likely to do well in school, stay out of trouble, and have a happier life if they have both a male and female role model.”

Every statistic? Well, besides the numerous studies suggesting that gay parents “do better” than straight parents.

And in some cases, that children of gay parents even have “better general health” than those of straight parents.

And in other stories, that even gay penguins are “better” than straight parents.

Yes, penguins. I’m not even joking.

Chilling: Gay penguins smother fluffy chick

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3. It’s unconstitutional

The Russian children’s rights ombudsman has said that allowing French gay couples to adopt Russian orphans would be “unconstitutional”.

Last year, Pavel Astakhov ruled out the possibility of French gay couples legally adopting Russian orphans.

Interestingly, the Russian constitution does state that “the basic rights and liberties of the human being shall be inalienable” just so as long as these liberties “may not violate the rights and liberties of other persons.”

However, what it doesn’t specify is whether or not being gay is a prerequisite for violating someone else’s rights.

Which is weird when you think about the gay youth who are tortured, beaten, and abused by hate groups in Russia.

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4. It’s a destructive attack against God’s plan

Before we knew Pope Francis as the moderate good-guy who thinks gay people are cool and would willingly baptise aliens, he was actually spouting just as much fire and brimstone as anyone else.

Yes, that’s this guy:

When he was Argentina’s highest-ranking Catholic prelate, Francis warned that gay couples adopting were part of a “destructive attack against God’s plan.”

“Let’s not be naive,” he said. “We’re not talking about a simple political battle; it is a destructive pretension.”

End times: Gay parents walking into an adoption centre

He added: “We are not talking about a mere bill, but rather a machination of the Father of Lies that seeks to confuse and deceive the children of God.”

You see? It’s all part of a coordinated effort. A conspiracy, if you will. Which brings me to my next point –

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5. It’s intolerant

Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O’Connor once defended Catholic adoption agencies that discriminate against same-sex couples by accusing same-sex adoption laws of open discrimination.

Got that? Well, you should. It’s the brilliant tongue-twister logic that’s making religion relevant again.

O’Connor says: “How extraordinary that a law, in the name of tolerance, should become so intolerant to a charity that aims only to do good and foster the most vulnerable children.

“We do indeed need in our pluralist society to strike a much fairer balance which recognises the importance of religion.”

In other words, please tolerate our continued historical right to not tolerate you so that we may live happily in a nice tolerant culture where none of us really have to tolerate one another.

He’s got a point… I think.

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6. It’s a nationwide conspiracy to destroy families

As part of an already-established general conspiracy to “attack God’s plan,” something far more sinister also lies just on the horizon.

According to a BNP youth recruitment video released earlier this year, gay people who want to adopt are actually part of an “unholy alliance” controlling the country, including the likes of bankers, Zionists, Marxists, and the media.

It states: “The militant homosexuals who push for gay marriage and gay adoption in order to destroy the traditional family unit.”

“We want the promotion of the traditional family and our core Christian values.”

By the way, this video wasn’t disavowed by the BNP leader Nick Griffin. He stands by “every word of that, because everything they said is true.”

In fact, I think Nick Griffin properly summed up the really troubling issue most normal-headed folk have against same-sex adoption laws four years ago…

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7. IT’S a bit odd

In 2010, Nick Griffin finally provided the lynchpin we’ve all been waiting for to put an end to “militant” adoptive gay parents.

Speaking to Tory activist and blogger Iain Dale for Total Politics magazine, he said he would only agree with gay adoption “if we reach the stage where there are so many children in children’s homes that you run out of would-be adopted ideal families”.

Ideal families, mind you. What’s less than ideal?

Here’s a clue. In the same interview, he also admitted something else. He told Total Politics what he really thinks about gay people. He said: “It’s unfamiliar, it’s odd and I’m afraid it is creepy. Grown men kissing in public is creepy to most people.

“You don’t often see it but if you do see it, it’s not a matter of homophobia, it’s odd and you have to explain it to little kids and so on – that’s strange.”

And that’s it! That’s what it’s all about. It’s icky.

In case you ever run dry on arguments about why gay people deserve less rights than straight people, use this as your trump card.

Gay people want to adopt children and I find it a little strange. Please world, make them stop.