WASHINGTON—Confirming that the 71-year-old had officially been determined fit to carry out his duty, officials from the United States Army announced Monday that President Trump was being called upon to serve in Vietnam after the last of his draft deferments had expired. “After almost 50 years of filing and renewing dozens of military service waivers, the President’s final term of postponement has concluded and he will be required to fulfill his military commitment immediately,” said Public Affairs Chief Brig. Gen. Paul Johnson, explaining that the commander-in-chief had finally been deemed able to serve after decades of claiming ineligibility to do so based on college enrollment, bone spurs, diabetes, hepatitis, religious opposition, and homosexuality. “President Trump will be sent to Fort Benning, Georgia to complete his basic officer training, whereafter he will be deployed to Vietnam along with his infantry division and stationed near Danang to begin his year-long service obligation.” At press time, sources confirmed that the president was last seen aboard Air Force One, embarking on a trip of unknown duration in Canada.



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