I've decided to try not always forcing the die rolls into dialogue. Let me know what you think.

"Left," Roman said.

"Straight," Cinder replied.

"There's a branch we haven't explored down the left," Roman said.

"Probably just the same room," Mercury said.

Cinder grinned. "Exactly. And there's a branch we haven't explored down the way forward."

"It probably leads to the orc room," Roman said.

"The numbers support that," Mercury added.

"And if you're wrong?"

Adam, Neo, and Emerald watched silently, with their initial amusement fading to irritation and contempt. Emerald had enough.

"This is going nowhere. Adam, Neo, Mercury, pick a side."

"Cinder has a point," Adam said.

Neo shrugged, characteristically apathetic.

Mercury grinned. "When in doubt, go with the boss."

"Thank you. Having finally made the difficult moral choice of which explored hallway to go down, you go down it. And when you reach the fork..."

"We turn left," Cinder said.

"Actually, I think going right might be—ow!" Mercury glared at Neo.

"That one was me, actually," Emerald said. "You're just being contrary."

"...I might not be."

"Does anyone have a reason for going right?" No one answered. "Sounds like you're going left. You come to another fork. You see a door at the end of the hallway."

"Let's investigate the fork," Roman said. No one argued.

"It twists back on itself, before ending in a little memorial, with a few pictures depicting what looks like some female priest going through life. There are captions and other words in an archaic dialect of Common, but time, mold, and graffiti have rendered it completely illegible rather than just largely incomprehensible."

"Is there any evidence of a coffin?" Roman asked.

"Make a Search check, everyone."

Roman got a twelve, Cinder a twenty-two, Mercury a nine, Adam another twenty-two, and Neo a four.

"Cinder and Adam, you notice that the floor seems to have been reshaped by magic. The person in question was probably entombed by a stone shape spell or comparable magic."

"...That's it?" Roman asked.

"That's it."

"Damn. Well, onto the door?" No one argued.

"Soverliss will open the door."

"It opens. It's the orc room."

"Told ya," Mercury said.

"We know what's through most of the doors," Cinder said, "but not the east door. Shall we examine it?"

"Soverliss will open that door."

"It's stuck."

"Soverliss will kick the door open. Twenty-one."

"It's stuck tighter than most of the doors, but poses no match for the elf's great strength."

"That just sounds wrong," Mercury mused.

"Hm?"

"'The elf's great strength.'"

"Are you saying elves can't be strong?" Adam asked.

"Nah, just that they're usually not."

"...Mm."

"Anyways, there's a corridor going two ways. To the north is a door, probably the other one from the clay-statue room. To the south is a dead end."

"We should search the hallway," Cinder said. "There's no way there's just a random corridor in here." The others murmured assent.

"Right, let's see some die rolls. Merc, ooh, natural twenty. Cinder, five. Neo, seven."

"You're not adding our Search modifiers," Mercury said suspiciously.

"Roman five, and Adam three. Can I see your character sheets?" She looked them over, then rolled a die behind her screen. "Merc hears someone in the other room. He's trying to be stealthy, and doing a below-average job of it."

"I alert the others."

"Right." Emerald randomly placed the group's miniatures (in a sense—only two of them, Adam and Mercury, had actual miniatures) in the hallway.

"Hey—"

"You were searching. That doesn't mean you stayed in marching order. Roll initiative."

Mercury got eleven, Roman rolled twenty-one, Adam thirteen, Cinder eight, and Neo eighteen.

"Roman? Your move."

"I'll head out the door to see where he is."

Emerald put a miniature of an elven duelist on the battlemap. The miniature had a small shard of orange plastic taped over its sword.

"What?"

"Flaming sword," Mercury said.

"Not quite. This half-elf has assorted metal bits embedded in his face and left forearm, while his right forearm is replaced or covered by some kind of magical contraption with a blade of flame licking out the end. On the side of said arm are a few crossbow bolts, loosely held in place. He's wearing a robe over some chainmail."

"That...is something we're selling to the baron," Mercury said.

"Perhaps. But first, you'll have to stop him. He shouts a cry of rage at Roman when he sees him."

"His character, you mean?" Adam asked.

"Cry of rage? That's about normal," Mercury said. "And no, I don't mean for the character."

"We know," Roman said. "I'll move here, next to the door, so I'm way out of reach. Then I'll shoot him. Ten."

"The arrow sticks in his robe. Neo's move."

She moved her miniature six squares to the door and looked over her spells. She tapped the spot where command was listed.

"Right, that's a Will save...which he makes, so nothing. Adam?"

"Soverliss will move to...he will move here, to block off the man's escape. 'Look at what the elven scum has been reduced to.'"

"He looks at your ears funny. Merc?"

"I'm close enough that I can move here and flank. Eat nunchuck, half-elf bitch!"

"Roll."

"Eleven plus one, plus two for flanking. Fourteen."

"Just hits. Damage?"

"Five."

"Your silly stick bonks him in the head, and he takes an action. Specifically, attacking you with his fire. And it's a touch attack. ...Which he rolls a two on. He whiffs it, bad. Cinder?"

"I will move here, and throw my javelin at the fool. Five."

"The javelin flies up in an arc which looks like it'll at least land in the right general area...before hitting the ceiling. Whoops. And back to Roman."

"Don't want to shoot into melee, so I'll move over here and bash him. Seven."

"He blocks it with his actual hand. Neo?"

She slid her miniature opposite Roman's and rolled a twenty-sided die. She pumped a fist in the air when it came up a natural twenty.

"That's...roll to confirm."

She rolled a seventeen, plus one.

"That's quite...roll damage."

Two eight-sided dice read six twice.

"And with your Strength bonus doubled, that's fourteen damage. He's at negative nine hit points. Neo smashed some metal bit on his right arm, which ruptured something else, causing steam to vent from points along his arm and shoulder, before he collapses, screaming in pain."

"Kill for Neo?" Roman guessed.

"Yes. Though if you act quickly, he might survive. Surely you're interested in learning a bit about his magic item?"

"Nah," Mercury said. "We've got a mage. I'll take it off."

"It's firmly attached."

"...Neo, save him."

She nodded and crossed a guidance off of her character sheet.

"He's stable. Now what do you do with him?"

"Someone has rope, right?" Mercury asked.

"I do," Adam said. "I'll tie him up."

"Do you have Use Rope?"

"No."

"What's your Dex?"

"Nineteen."

"Alright." Emerald rolled behind her screen. "He's tied up. Now what?"

"I have a mule," Roman said. "We could stick him on it."

"A mule?" Mercury asked. "One that could carry, say, an unconscious elf as well as an unconscious half-elf?"

"I forgot about it, okay?"

"Fine. Let's tie him to Betsy."

"Betsy is more of a cow name," Roman said.

"Or a donkey, maybe," Adam said.

"Doesn't sound like a donkey name to me," Roman said.

"I know what's going to come out of your mouth," Emerald said, "and if you actually say it, I'm giving Adam permission to punch you in your stupid face."

"...That is all."

"Right, let's move on. Are you leaving Betsy outside the dungeon, in this room, or bringing her with?"

"Wait, are mules even Medium?" Mercury asked.

"One moment...No, but they can still squeeze down the corridors. I'm gonna need Betsy's place in marching order if you're bringing her."

"Behind Cinder, in front of me?" Roman suggested.

"Why not in front of Cinder and behind me?" Mercury asked. "More people to keep an eye on the pyro."

"Sensible," Adam said.

"...I agree," Cinder said reluctantly.

Emerald nodded. "That's a majority. Now I need to find a mule mini." After a few minutes of scrounging, she found a strange, black-and-yellow, equine miniature and placed it between Mercury's monk miniature and Cinder's doll.

"What the hell is that?" Cinder asked.

"A werehorse, splattered with yellow paint."

"Why is it—"

"Long story," Mercury said. "Good story, but long."

"Good?" Emerald asked. "According to some, maybe.

"Hey, didn't that adventure make it on the list?"

"Are you thinking of one-twenty, or one-twenty-one?"

"I'll bite," Roman said. "What are those?"

"Don't mix art projects with gaming, and lycans don't appreciate jokes about their time of month."

"I was actually thinking of one-twenty-two," Mercury said.

"Technically, that one applied a lot," Emerald said.

"What's—"

"Moving along," Mercury said.

"Alright," Emerald said. "You see the south door open."

"We'll go through it," Cinder said. No one argued.

"It's the pseudodragon room. This room's south door is open, too."

"We'll go through it," Cinder repeated.

"It's a larger room, maybe thirty feet wide and almost twice as long. It's full of all sorts of unusual devices and machines—"

"You don't say," Mercury did say.

"They're all heavy, most attached to the ground, wall, or ceiling, and if you tried to detach them you'd probably break them instead."

"Aw."

"And there's a—wait, you defeated him. And I—one hundred thirty XP each, plus another ten for capturing him. Care to look around for anything valuable?"

"Hell yeah," Mercury said.

"You find a glass wand."

"Like NetHack?" Roman asked.

"What's NetHack?" Mercury asked.

"It's an old video game about getting the Amulet of Enarg, if you can get that deep in the dungeon. I played it a lot as a kid."

"Wait, there were video games when you were a kid?"

Roman sighed. "Why do I put up with him?"

"Why do I put up with you?" Adam asked.

"Touche. What skill to identify it?"

"Spellcraft, I think, and you need to cast detect magic, too."

"I have Spellcraft," Cinder said.

"Did you decide to prepare detect magic?"

"...Yes."

"Alright. Roll."

"Eighteen plus nine."

"Minus five since Illusion's a prohibited school for you, but you succeed. It's a wand of invisibility."

"While I've got it on, I'll look for other magic in the room. And identify the fire thing."

"Nothing in the room is magical." Emerald smiled. "And neither is the half-elf's fire blade."