Xyzzy

Iraqi Invasion: A Text Misadventure

Revision 88 / Serial number 54892

Oval Office

You are standing inside a White House, having just been elected to the presidency of the United States. You knew Scalia would pull through for you.

There is a large desk here, along with a few chairs and couches. The presidential seal is in the middle of the room and there is a full-length mirror upon the wall.

What do you want to do now?

> INVADE IRAQ

You are not able to do that, yet.

> LOOK MIRROR

Self-reflection is not your strong suit.

> PET SEAL

It's not that kind of seal.

> EXAMINE CHAIRS

They are several chairs arranged around the center of the room, along with two couches. Under one couch you find Clinton's shoes.

> FILL SHOES

You are unable to fill Clinton's shoes.

> EXAMINE DESK

It is a large, oak desk, with several drawers.

In one drawer you find a bag of pretzels.

> EAT PRETZEL.

I don't think the pretzel would agree with you.

> INVADE IRAQ

You are not able to do that, yet.

> INVADE IRAQ

You are not able to do that, yet.

> GO RIGHT

Far-Right

You are on the far right of the political spectrum.

Jesse Helms is here.

John Ashcroft is here.

> GO RIGHT

Radical Right

You are on the extreme right of the political spectrum.

Dick Cheney is here.

Pat Robertson is here.

> INVADE IRAQ

You are not able to do that, yet.

> TAKE VACATION

Taken.

> INVADE IRAQ

You are not able to do that, yet.

> SCORE

Your favorablity rating is 58% out of a possible 100%.

> GO PHOTOOP

Photo Op

You are at a the Emma T. Booker Elementary School, along with a gaggle of obsequious members of the mainstream media.

There is a book here.

There are some children here.

> READ BOOK

You read "My Pet Goat."

In the distance, terrorists attack the United States.

> READ BOOK

You continue to read "My Pet Goat."

> READ BOOK

You continue to read "My Pet Goat."

> READ BOOK

You continue to read "My Pet Goat."

> GO HOME

You fly around aimlessly for a while, then return to the White House.

Oval Office

> GIVE SPEECH

Who do you want to give the speech to?

> AMERICAN PEOPLE

You give the speech to the American people.

> DIAGNOSIS

Your favorablity rating is 84% out of a possible 100%.

> INVADE IRAQ

You are not able to do that, yet.

> INVADE AFGHANISTAN

Afghanistan

You have invaded the nation of Afghanistan, bombing the Taliban nearly out of existence.

Osama Bin Laden, mastermind of the 9/11 attacks, is here.

> INVADE IRAQ

(Leaving Afghanistan first.)

You are not able to do that, yet.

> INVADE IRAQ

You are not able to do that, yet.

> FUCK

Such language in a high-class establishment like this!

> HYPE THREAT

"The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa."

> MONGER FEAR

"Facing clear evidence of peril, we cannot wait for the final proof -- the smoking gun -- that could come in the form of a mushroom cloud ..."

> MUDDY WATER

"We know that Iraq and the al Qaeda terrorist network share a common enemy -- the United States of America. We know that Iraq and al Qaeda have had high-level contacts that go back a decade. And we know that after September the 11th, Saddam Hussein's regime gleefully celebrated the terrorist attacks on America ..."

> PUNISH CRITICS

"Wilson never worked for the CIA, but his wife, Valerie Plame, is an Agency operative on weapons of mass destruction ... "

> RAILROAD CONGRESS

You schedule a vote on the Iraq invasion for just before the 2002 midterm elections. As usual, spineless democrats roll over like an SUV taking a sharp corner.

Your plan to invade Iraq now has the backing of the American people and Congress.

> INVADE IRAQ

Baghdad

You enter the Iraqi capital of Bagdad, having toppled the government and captured the nation's key cities in only 21 days. You can't seem to find the promised throngs of citizens greeting you as liberators, but the footage of the Saddam statue being pulled down looks great on Fox!

> GIVE CONTRACTS

Who do you want to give the contracts to?

> HALLIBURTON

What kind of contracts do you wish to give to Halliburton?

> NO-BID

You give the no-bid contracts to Halliburton.

> STAY COURSE

The situation in Iraq remains unchanged.

> STAY COURSE

The situation in Iraq remains unchanged.

> WEAR FLIGHTSUIT

You put on the flightsuit.

> SAY "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED"

"Mission accomplished."

> EXAMINE MISSION

The mission is not accomplished.

> STAY COURSE

The situation in Iraq remains unchanged.

Some insurgents arrive.

> STAY COURSE

The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

> STAY COURSE

The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

Some insurgents arrive.

There is a small number of insurgents here.

> STAY COURSE

The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

> STAY COURSE

The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

Some insurgents arrive.

There is a moderate number of insurgents here.

> STAY COURSE

The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

An election year arrives.

> GO LEFT

Far-Right

Pat Buchanan is here.

Sean Hannity is here.

> GO LEFT

Compassionate Conservativism

You are right-of-center on the political spectrum.

John McCain is here.

Joseph Leiberman is here.

> GET REELECTED

You get reelected.

> GO RIGHT

Far-Right

Tom DeLay is here.

Michelle Malkin is here.

> GO RIGHT

Radical Right

Rick Santorum is here.

Ann Coulter is here.

> STAY COURSE

The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

Some insurgents arrive.

There is a large number of insurgents here.

> STAY COURSE

The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

> STAY COURSE

The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

Some insurgents arrive.

There is a huge number of insurgents here.

> STAY COURSE

The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

> STAY COURSE

The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

Some insurgents arrive.

There is an overwhelming number of insurgents here.

> SCORE

Your favorablity rating is 47% out of a possible 100%.

> ADMIT MISTAKES

You are unable to admit mistakes.

> ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY

You are unable to accept responsibility.



> DECLARE VICTORY

I do not know what you mean by "victory."

> QUIT

Oh, how we wish you would.