Posted by LC 0311 Sir Crunchie I.M.H., K.o.E. on June 3, 2012

Ain’t had one in awhile so when a friend sent this, figured what the fuck, can’t dance.

AK-47 vs. M-16/AR-15 vs. Mosin Nagant.

AK-It works though you have never cleaned it. Ever.

AR-You have $9 per ounce special non-detergent synthetic Teflon infused oil for cleaning.

MN-It was last cleaned in Berlin in 1945.

AK-You are able to hit the broad side of a barn from inside.

AR-You are able to hit the broad side of a barn from 600 meters.

MN-You can hit the farm from two counties over.

AK-Cheap mags are fun to buy.

AR-Cheap mags melt.

MN-What’s a mag?

AK-Your safety can be heard from 300 meters away.

AR-You can silently flip off the safety with your finger on the trigger.

MN-What’s a safety?

AK-When out of ammo your rifle will nominally pass as a club.

AR-When out of ammo, your rifle makes a great wiffle bat.

MN-When out of ammo, your rifle makes a supreme war club, pike, boat oar, tent pole, or firewood.

AK-Recoil is manageable, even fun.

AR-What’s recoil?

MN-Recoil is often used to relocate shoulders thrown out by the previous shot.

AK-Your sight adjustment goes to “10”, and you’ve never bothered moving it.

AR-Your sight adjustment is incremented in fractions of minute of angle.

MN-Your sight adjustment goes to 12 miles and you’ve actually tried it.

AK-Your rifle can be used by any two bit nation’s most illiterate conscripts to fight elite forces worldwide.

AR-Your rifle is used by elite forces worldwide to fight two bit nations’ most illiterate conscripts.

MN-Your rifle has fought against itself and won every time

AK-Your rifle comes with a cheap nylon sling.

AR-Your rifle has a 9 point stealth tactical suspension system.

MN-You rifle has dog collars.

AK-Your bayonet makes a good wire cutter.

AR-Your bayonet is actually a pretty good steak knife.

MN-Your bayonet is longer than your leg.

AK-You can put a .30″ hole through 12″ of oak, if you can hit it.

AR-You can put one hole in a paper target at 100 meters with 30 rounds.

MN-You can knock down everyone else’s target with the shock wave of your bullet going downrange.

AK-Your rifle won some revolutions.

AR-Your rifle won the Cold War.

MN-Your rifle won a pole vault event.

AK-You paid $350.

AR-You paid $900.

MN-You paid $59.95.

AK-You buy cheap ammo by the case.

AR-You lovingly reload precision crafted rounds one by one.

MN-You dig your ammo out of a farmer’s field in Ukraine and it works just fine.

AK-You can intimidate your foe with the bayonet mounted.

AR-You foes laugh when you mount your bayonet.

MN-You can bayonet your foe on the other side of the river without leaving the comfort of your hole.

AK-Service life, 50 years.

AR-Service life, 40 years.

MN-Service life, 100 years, and counting.

AK-It’s easier to buy a new rifle when you want to change cartridge sizes.

AR-You can change cartridge sizes with the push of a couple of pins and a new upper.

MN-You believe no real man would dare risk the ridicule of his friends by suggesting there is anything but 7.62x54r.

AK-You can repair your rifle with a big hammer and a swift kick.

AR-You can repair your rifle by taking it to a certified gunsmith, it’s under warranty!

MN-If your rifle breaks, you buy a new one.

AK-You consider it a badge of honor when you get your handguards burst into flames.

AR-You consider it a badge of honor when you shoot a sub-MOA 5 shot group.

MN-You consider it a badge of honor when you cycle 5 rounds without the aid of a 2×4.

AK-After a long day the range you relax by watching “Red Dawn”.

AR-After a long day at the range you relax by watching “Blackhawk Down”.

MN-After a long day at the range you relax by visiting the chiropractor.

AK-After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for a stiff shot of Vodka.

AR-After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for hotdogs and apple pie.

MN-After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for shishkabob.

AK-You can accessorize you rifle with a new muzzle brake or a nice stock set.

AR-Your rifle’s accessories are eight times more valuable than your rifle.

MN-Your rifle’s accessory is a small tin can with a funny lid, but it’s buried under an apartment building somewhere in Budapest.

AK-Your rifle’s finish is varnish and paint.

AR-Your rifle’s finish is Teflon and high tech polymers.

MN-Your rifle’s finish is low grade shellac, cosmoline and Olga’s toe nails.

AK-Your wife tolerates your autographed framed picture of Mikhail Kalashnikov.

AR-Your wife tolerates your autographed framed picture of Eugene Stoner.

MN-You’re not sure there WERE cameras to photograph Sergei Mosin.

AK-Late at night you sometimes have to fight the urge to hold your rifle over your head and shout “Wolverines!”

AR-Late at night you sometimes have to fight the urge to clear your house, slicing the pie from room to room.

MN-Late at night, you sometimes have to fight the urge to dig trench in the the yard to sleep in.

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