Early on Friday morning (or possibly very late on Thursday night), Scooter Braun, a music executive whose name has become irremediably associated with Taylor Swift’s, published a long open letter addressed to the pop star. In it, he responded to allegations voiced by Swift last week, when she accused Braun and another man of barring her from using her own music. Braun said that Swift’s accusations had resulted in death threats against him and his family, expressed the wish to resolve his ongoing dispute with Swift, and insisted that she was, in fact, allowed to use her own music (more on that later).

One thing is clear: death threats are terrifying, traumatising, and unacceptable. I have received them before. Friends of friends have, too, and seeing them in this woefully upsetting situation made my blood boil – as it should. Swift herself is well versed in the effects of this kind of toxic behaviour, having disclosed that she started carrying army-grade bandage dressings (for stab wounds or gunshots) because “a lot of stalkers show up to [her] house armed”.

The death threats, however, only make up for part of Braun’s missive. And if Braun’s letter teaches us anything, it’s that it’s possible to feel genuinely for someone going through something as distressing as death threats and disagree with them on just about everything they’ve chosen to convey.

Let’s begin at the beginning. In June 2019, Swift said she was “sad and grossed out” after Scooter Braun acquired her former label, Big Machine, with whom Swift released her first six albums (out of a total of seven, so, yes, her life’s work). She accused Braun of “incessant, manipulative bullying”, alleging it had gone on “for years”. Swift expressed her distress over being stripped of the music she “wrote on [her] bedroom floor and videos [she] dreamed up and paid for from the money I earned playing in bars, then clubs, then arenas, then stadiums”.

Things escalated again last week when Swift said on Twitter that she had been picked to receive the Artist of the Decade title at the American Music Awards. She alleged that Scooter Braun and Scott Borchetta, the founder of Big Machine, wouldn’t let her perform a medley of her own songs during the ceremony, and that she hadn’t been allowed to use her older music and performance footage in an upcoming documentary. In what was perhaps the most damning of her accusations, Swift alleged that she was told she would be granted permission to use her own music if she agreed not to re-record it (something she has said she intends to do as it would enable her to regain her rights) and if she stops talking about Braun and Borchetta in public.

Kellyanne Conway responds to Taylor Swift call for the equality act by singing her song 'Calm Down'

In a series of tweets, Swift urged her fans to share their feelings about the situation with Braun and Borchetta and said that her attempts at a private resolution hadn’t been successful – meaning that going public was a last resort of sorts for her.

With his latest statement, Braun is not only responding to Swift’s allegations, which is his right, but he is also painting himself as the true victim here – a questionable position to say the least.

“I assume this was not your intention but it is important that you understand that your words carry a tremendous amount of weight," Braun writes in the second paragraph of his letter, with clear condescension, before adding that he is "thinking of [his] wife and children" (steering clear of saying that she should come meet his wife and call him a bedbug to his face, of course.)

But what follows is the real problem. Braun goes on to deploy what one might recognise as the Good Guy defense, alleging that Swift hasn’t deigned to communicate with him and that he wants nothing more than to find a happy resolution to their issues. “It almost feels as if you have no interest in ever resolving the conflict,” he writes, adding: “I’m right here, ready to speak directly and respectfully. But if you would prefer to make large public statements while refusing to work towards resolving things amicably then I just pray that nobody gets seriously hurt in the process.”

It seems like a reasonable assumption that Swift never intended for anyone to threaten Braun’s life or that of his loved ones. Yet, Braun – the same man who says he doesn’t want to “participate in a social media war” – is placing the blame solely on her. He is painting her as an angry woman who has launched a vendetta against a well-meaning man for no valid reason and will stop at nothing to make his life hell. We live in a misogynistic world, so it’s easy to see why it might be tempting to fall back on a tired cliché about hysterical, overreacting, manipulative women ruining good men. But it’s 2019 now, and let’s just say that the optics of doing so aren’t great.

A couple of other lines from Braun's letter similarly stand out. “The handful of times we have actually met I have always remembered them to be pleasant and respectful,” Braun says while expressing his surprise at Swift’s dislike over his involvement in the Big Machine deal. This is at best a different reading of a situation and at worst an attempt at gaslighting, and it reads like performative naivety. The bullying alleged by Swift isn’t the kind that would go on face-to-face, as if on the playground, but rather behind the scenes, where most "adult world" bullying actually happens.

Interestingly, Braun also says that Swift is allowed to perform her own music, casting public doubt over the singer's latest allegations. “As the world now knows you can and should perform any song you like at the AMAs,” he writes. “I have never and would never say otherwise.” OK, so, are we to believe that Swift… made this whole thing up for fun? That this is how she entertains herself? That she’s never heard of Netflix and is looking for a way to pass the time? I remain unconvinced. Notably, he does not say: "I have never and would never say that you can perform any song you like at the AMAs so long as you don't re-record your earlier material," which is the real issue here. He doesn't say, "Feel free to perform any of your songs at the AMAs with no strings attached".

Taylor Swift's 20 best songs Show all 20 1 /20 Taylor Swift's 20 best songs Taylor Swift's 20 best songs 20) “Wildest Dreams” This song is sadly marred by the controversy that surrounded its accompanying video (its references to films such as Out of Africa drew accusations that it presented a “white colonialist fantasy”.) The track itself is a dreamy, lush soundscape filled with breathless sighs and dramatic pauses that recall Swift’s fellow old Hollywood obsessive, Lana Del Rey. Kevin Winter/Getty Images Taylor Swift's 20 best songs 19) “Paper Rings” A pop-punk song! Swift is at her most energetic on a song that has more than a hint of Toni Basil’s “Mickey”, from the hand-clapping beat to the distorted scuzz added to her vocals. Taylor Swift's 20 best songs 18) “Style” Until “Dress” appeared on Reputation, “Style” was Swift’s most bold and sensuous song, driven by a pulsing beat and an urgent electric guitar riff. It plays on the idea that it’s easy to leave someone but a lot harder to stay away, especially if your lover has that “James Dean daydream look in [their] eye”. Vevo Taylor Swift's 20 best songs 17) “Back to December” This was a first for Swift, who apologises to an ex who treated her perfectly, while she perhaps didn’t value the relationship as much. It’s a noteworthy song simply to point out that Swift, who has faced multiple accusations of “using” her relationships to drag her ex-boyfriends, is more than capable of self-criticism. Vevo Taylor Swift's 20 best songs 16) “Love Story” A Swift classic about star-crossed lovers, inspired by (what else?) Romeo and Juliet. This is a country pop song is a prime example of Swift’s skill as a story teller – one who understands the power of a forbidden romance. Vevo Taylor Swift's 20 best songs 15) “Out of the Woods” Swift emulates Bruce Springsteen on this Eighties synth-pop “get in the car and go” epic, which lasts not a second too long and ends so abruptly that it leaves you gasping to catch your breath. Photo by Mark Metcalfe/Getty Images Taylor Swift's 20 best songs 14) “I Did Something Bad” One of the most underrated songs on Reputation has Swift embracing the role of villain after years of being accused of using men as a songwriting tool, along with the fallout from her feud with Kanye West and Kim Kardashian. There’s so much more bite on this track than “Blank Space”, despite the similar themes – here she is merciless upon learning a man has used her name, or spent her money, behind her back. (Photo by Mark Metcalfe/Getty Images) Taylor Swift's 20 best songs 13) "Lover" A tender Sixties-style acoustic ballad that shows Swift experimenting with rhythm and meter in a way that’s impressively bold this far into her career. Dia Dipasupil/Getty Images for ABA Taylor Swift's 20 best songs 12) “Tim McGraw” There’s something very moving about Swift opening her first album with a song that intertwines the old and the new. Nashville is notoriously unkind to female country artists, particularly young ones, so you can’t help but admire a then-16-year-old Swift, who offered a profound respect to one of her biggest inspirations on her debut single. Vevo Taylor Swift's 20 best songs 11) “Dress” This song is essentially one big, lustful sigh: Swift seems to delight in a secret romance where she “only bought this dress so you could take it off” and quite literally pants with anticipation. Getty Images for TAS Taylor Swift's 20 best songs 10) “Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince” At first, you could mistake this for a love song. It is, in a way - Swift's most political song to date addresses her heartbreak over America as she witnesses it in turmoil. She takes classic themes from her earliest work - white knights, red roses, princesses and high-school prom - and spins all of it into a metaphor for a perceived loss of innocence following the 2016 general election. Add the subliminal cheerleader chant - "GO! FIGHT! Win!", and this makes for one of Swift's best songs of her career. Getty Taylor Swift's 20 best songs 9) “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” While Red signalled Swift’s full-blown transition into pop music, she couldn’t resist putting the odd country twang on songs such as “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together”, which mocks an ex for being snobbish about his “indie record label that’s much cooler than mine”. The most spectacular is really the beginning of the song, where she delivers an astounded “what?” upon being told the guy needs space: “We hadn’t seen each other in a month.” Taylor Swift's 20 best songs 8) “Dear John” John Mayer lashed out over this song in 2012, clearly upset after Swift alluded that it was about their past relationship. He called it “cheap songwriting” in reference to using their personal lives for material – whatever you think of that, it’s features of her best vocal performances and brilliant songwriting – right down to the Mayer-ism of that wavering electric guitar line. Then there are the lyrics themselves: “You are an expert at sorry/ And keeping lines blurry/ And never impressed by me acing your tests/ All the girls that you’ve run dry/ Have tired, lifeless eyes/ ’Cause you burned them out.” Medic! Taylor Swift. Credit: Getty Taylor Swift's 20 best songs 7) “Delicate” One of Swift’s greatest talents as a songwriter is to encapsulate those small moments, often in a new relationship, that you as a listener cannot. Her skittishness on “Delicate”, about the danger of rushing into something, of sharing too much of yourself too soon with someone you’re still getting to know, is all too palpable as the beat switches up like a nervous heart. (Photo by Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for TIME) Taylor Swift's 20 best songs 6) “Call It What You Want” The lyrics here are more open and willingly vulnerable than anything Swift had done before; that line on the chorus where she sings: “My baby’s fly like a jet stream/ high above the whole scene/ loves me like I’m brand new” hits hard. The song appears on Reputation, released after Swift’s lengthy hiatus from the spotlight, and its lyrics speak of a person blissfully content in her relationship – to the point that the outside world is just white noise. It includes some of her finest lyrics, too, with superb references to those castles of old crumbling “overnight” and nods to her Anglophilia (“my baby’s fit like a daydream”). Getty Images Taylor Swift's 20 best songs 5) “Our Song” “Mean” is beaten only by “Our Song” as Swift’s most “country” release, helped a lot by her endearing portrait of “the slam of screen doors” and driving along country lanes listening to the radio. Swift is a master of the meta-narrative, so her making a song about a song based on sounds from real-life is all kinds of perfect. YouTube/screengrab Taylor Swift's 20 best songs 4) “Getaway Car” On “Getaway Car” Swift channels one of her friend and producer Jack Antonoff’s favourites – Kate Bush – as she belts that epic “go, go, go!”, while the song in its entirety recalls Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart” – cellos and violins enhancing the drama. Getty Images for NARAS Taylor Swift's 20 best songs 3) “Blank Space” “Blank Space” was a real moment for Swift, where she turned all of the tabloid gossip, all of the malicious scrutiny around her love life, back on the world with a wink and a nod. “Got a long list of ex-lovers/ They’ll tell you I’m insane,” she trills on the chorus, throwing out punchline after punchline until the exquisite: “You’ll come back, each time you leave/ ‘cos darling I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream.” Taylor Swift's 20 best songs 2) "Afterglow" Against a similar soundscape to "Wildest Dreams", Swift is at her most confessional as she explains how her own insecurities can lead to self-destruction in a relationship – and pleads with her lover to be patient with her. “It’s all me, in my head," she sings. "I’m the one who burned us down/ But it’s not what I meant/ Sorry that I hurt you.” Taylor Swift's 20 best songs 1) “All Too Well” Swift’s mastery of storytelling has never been better than on this, a standout song not just from Red, but of her career to date. It’s the slow-build from those bittersweet memories of “dancing in the refrigerator light” to a devastating, stadium-sized anthem that leads to her delivering arguably her best-ever line – with one of her best vocal performances: “You call me up again just to break me like a promise/ So casually cruel in the name of being honest.” Rex

It is so ironic that Swift’s music, which has revolved in so many ways around girlhood, womanhood, and toxic masculinity, is getting caught up in this mess. One thing remains for certain: good guys don’t turn the tables on the person who says they’ve been wronged. Good guys recognise when they’ve played a part in an unfair situation and work to rectify it. Great guys do that work quietly, without asking for kudos in public.