BLACK SEA—Relaxing on the luxury ship after having gotten away with the greatest scheme in U.S. history scot-free, the Democratic National Committee server was reportedly celebrating its escape from justice Thursday while surrounded by bikini-clad women on a yacht in the Black Sea. The criminal computer system that was solely responsible for fabricating Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election was reportedly chuckling to itself, remembering how it had duped everyone by spending months under an assumed identity as a Pentium Pro in Morocco, as beautiful, scantily clad women fanned it with palm leaves and massaged its circuits with the finest cotton swabs. At press time, the grinning server had stood up from its beach chair to embrace its old friend Hillary Clinton as she stepped onto the deck.

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