SCP-049: “Oh, good doctor, I can assure you, the Pestilence is here, and I can sense it. It is my duty in life to rid the world of it. My cure is most effective.”

Good doctor again. The middle of this is fine, but then we reach the end, and the line that launched a thousand memes. "My cure is most effective". But we're not done just yet.

Dr. ████: “Your cure? Your cure has cost us hundreds of lives! Your cure is faulty!"

SCP-049: “Good doctor, my cure is most effective.”

It's probably worth noting here that this entire interview is single line spaced, and is an absolute nightmare to try and read through, especially on small screens. The space bar is your friend, kids.

I'm curious too how the doctor knew what 049 was talking about when he said "the cure". He doesn't question it, he doesn't say "oh, you mean that thing you do where you kill people by touching them and then sew them back up and they're zombies?" It's not the greatest leap ever made, but the fall might make your ankles sore.

[SCP-049 lapsed once again into silence, and no further attempts to make it speak were effective.]

Of course. Snooty bitch.

Closing Statement: “We managed to get our tests done for that day, trying to figure out what causes it to perform surgery, or, more accurately, what it detects as the 'Pestilence’. So far, research has shown us no correlation between any of the D-class personnel it has performed surgery on. We’re still working on it."

Dr. ████

Fine, that's whatever. It's fluff that just tells us they have no idea what's going on.

Then we skip an addendum (going straight from A-1 to C-1) that isn't there and dive straight into the final part of the article. To summarize, SCP-049 is left unsupervised for five minutes (AN ENTITY THAT CAN KILL THINGS BY TOUCHING THEM), during which time it breaches containment and goes for a stroll. It runs into SCP-███ and they have a chat. That SCP-███, by the way, is SCP-035, the only other talking mask in the first series. They talk for a while somewhere there aren't any cameras, and then 049 is all skippy-doo afterwards.

A few things about this bit.

First off, why even blackbox the object number? You go on to say "that damned mask" so we all know you're talking about 035, so what's the point of this? Is it an in-universe thing? What purpose does it serve to not tell a researcher reading this article that 049 and 035 are buddies? At least it's not as bad as an unnecessary redaction, but-

...finding out what the hell he and [REDACTED] talked about during their little chat.

Jesus take the wheel.

Alright, fine. So where did they meet up and talk that they weren't being recorded? Did they plan this out ahead of time? The writing doesn't imply that, since it says that 049 just "came into contact" with 035 and then they talked. 035 is a mask, remember. It isn't animate, not unless it's possessing someone. Did 035 also breach containment? If not, was it in its own containment cell? Did 049 break into 035's containment cell? If not, why? If so, how? We're not led to believe 049 is super strong or intelligent (remember, he can be dragged around by a collar and some poles), so did he just find 035 laying around outside on the ground and they talked there?

If somehow 049 broke into 035's containment cell where they sat down and had a chat, how was this not recorded? They go on at the end of the article about trying to find out what the two talked about, but where would they have ever been in a situation where they were outside of the range of recording devices to have their talk? Did 049 break into 035's containment cell, grab it, run down the hall to the bathroom and talk to it then?

Whatever. It doesn't matter. What matters is that this is just another example of "series 1 entity breaches containment, runs into another entity, they chat, something is different afterwards". See 682 and 079, or 076 and half of the canon at this point. It was a trope, it's not done so much anymore, and the world is better for it.

Part Five: Here Comes the Devil's Advocate

"But djkaktus," you might be saying, "people like different things for different reasons. Maybe some people just like 049? Maybe there's a reason it's rated so highly!"

That's fair. But I really want you, reader, to think about that for a moment. I want you to think about why you like 049. In case you weren't ready for that kind of introspective request, I've provided a list of some things I often hear used as reasons why people like and vote for SCP-049.

It's old and part of the site's foundations.

Mmhmm. But so is SCP-011, which predates 049 by a year and a half and sits at +275 at the time of this writing. In fact, 049 is the fourth highest rated article in the first 100 slots, after 055, 093, and 096. It is predated by a number of articles within that same block, and yet is an anomaly as far as reception is concerned.

Well it's a spooky humanoid with a mysterious past, I kind of like that.

There are plenty of spooky humanoids with mysterious pasts, and none of them have been as generously voted upon as 049.

It's really easy to cosplay.

A cursory Google search of "scp-049 cosplay" has informed me that 049 is much harder to cosplay than you all think it is.

You're an asshole.

Not really the point, I don't think.

Fine. Maybe I just like zombies.

Cool, then you've all upvoted 008, right? It's surely probably right around there if it's just-

+397

Huh. Well, I won't complain about that, I don't think 008 is particularly good either. But you can't tell me it's "a zombie thing" and then turn around and not give the same fan fascination to 008. Come on now.

It's really highly rated, so that must mean it's good.

Trust me, that doesn't mean anything.

Some of the best authors on the site have upvoted 049.

No I haven't.

But TheVolgun did a great impression of him.

TheVolgun does plenty of great impressions, but that doesn't make 049 good.

He's great in Containment Breach!

That doesn't make the article good. And still, really?

I don't know what you want me to say.

You've actually already said it, which is why we're heading to-

Part Six: A Conclusion

SCP-049 is a relic of a time when the wiki just didn't care as much about quality pieces of writing. It is generally poorly written, with little-to-no narrative interest and a character that reads like a bad knockoff of better articles on wikis created by users who were angry that they were banned for being too young. It has gained all of its popularity because of a very young userbase who is fixated on creepy humanoid spookies that they can easily "cosplay" (like I said, a generous definition of what's going on there) and show up in their favorite scary video games so Markiplier can shout about them and everyone can get a good kick out of the whole thing.

For a more discerning audience, and indeed one that cares about whether something is "good" or not, SCP-049 is sort of a festering wound on the first block of 100. There are worse articles than 049 certainly, but none of them are as proud of it as 049 is. None of them flaunt their inadequacies as openly as 049 does. None of them are so eagerly upvoted for their shittitude.

In a series full of great articles like 093, 914, 231, 096, 085 and 140, SCP-049 is an aberration. Something that struck the fanboy jackpot and is now riding its self-perpetuating cycle of success towards +1000 and above. It is bad, and people who defend it as being good are either not talking about the writing or don't know what they're talking about. Everyone is allowed to like what they like and vote on what they want to vote on, but this becomes a problem when 049 is the example that gets paraded around young authors who attempt to mimic it and are disappointed when their attempts end in failure. For this reason, SCP-049 is bad for this community.

However...

SCP-049 as a concept isn't inherently bad. There have been plenty of attempts by better authors to improve upon it in tales and other formats by making minor changes to the original. But what about a broader stroke? Is there a way to salvage 049 while keeping all of the things people like? Is there a way to turn this heap into something worth keeping around?

Find out in the next edition of djkaktus (De)Construction!