LOGAN SQUARE- Residents woke up to rude awaking on Saturday morning as Milwaukee ave was completely shut down due to a burst draft cocktail main. City crews were working round the clock to repair the pipe which is responsible for supplying 95% of the neighborhoods bars with refreshing and inventive artisan cocktails.

The main burst during a construction accident, causing gallons of unique infused alcohol to enter the neighborhood’s drinking water supply and a small sinkhole to flood with a perfect mixture of Cocchi Rosa, Campari, Gris de Gris, and Rosé

Rodrigo Rodriguez, owner of Eli Whitney’s, a new gin themed bar on Milwaukee Avenue, witnessed the incident while riding his bike. “There was a steady stream of Aged Agricole and Demerara Rums, 1970’s Dom Bairo, Vermouth di Torino, and Burnt Sugar Bitters as far as the eye could see.”

Rodrigo Rodriguez, Owner of Eli Whitney’s Gin Bar, Bike Rider

Rodriquez was hopeful the damage would be fixed in time for his bar’s Labor Day: Bitters Sweet Symphony: Bring Your Own Bitters Dance Party scheduled for Sunday night.

In rare move the Alderman is not calling for a boil order, but will instead be providing copper mugs, Angostura, egg whites, and an assortment of aromatics for residents at emergency libation stations throughout the neighborhood.

City officials assured residents that quality classic daiquiris, Mezcal inspired concoctions, and unique takes on the Moscow Mule could still be made to order by a certified mixologist at any of the several of neighborhoods establishments within feet of each other.

Stay tuned as this is a breaking story.