Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.


• Jezebel had this up last night. Our pals at Awful Announcing find the exchange "refreshing," especially for American audiences for whom the model sideline interview is Anne Simon getting eaten by Bear Bryant's hat. The not-at-all-pregnant Clijsters beat Carla Suarez Navarro in the second round of the Australian Open.


• Everything you ever wanted to know about Ben Roethlisberger's pump fake, last seen deking Milledgeville cops out of their badges.

• We will soon add the NCAA tournament to the too-long list of things Charles Barkley pretends to be dumber about than he really is.

• Big Papa Ron Franklin has filed a wrongful termination suit against ESPN over all that "sweet baby" stuff.


• Billy King apologized to his Nets, who for some reason all seem a little put out over having been publicly reduced to a pile of fungible assets in a portfolio.

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Good morning.