“Come on Carly, you can do it. Stop making excuses,” were the words of encouragement from my one time personal trainer. I wanted to prove him right so I continued doing the lunges even though I knew the pain was becoming unbearable. I yelled back, “I’m doing it, but I hate this!” Just as I said those words my left knee went crashing to the floor. I was in shock and embarrassed so I tried to get up on my feet quickly before people noticed, but my muscles wouldn’t do what my mind was telling them to. I fell to the floor again and stayed there for a minute until my personal trainer helped me up and sat me down. “I have never seen something like that before. Maybe we can’t do that anymore,” he said. Yeah, maybe.

That moment took a major toll on my psyche. For most of my life I considered myself a competitive athlete. I began playing baseball as a catcher at the age of 5 and switched to softball when I was 10 years old. I was on a dance and drill team all through middle school. I was also the captain of my basketball team in high school. Running and weight lifting were part of my daily life. I was a born and bred athlete. But I was crushed on that day when I couldn’t do simple lunges.

Once I was diagnosed I realized that Lupus was to blame for many of the joint issues I had been having with my workouts. My elbows would ache when I tried to do bicep curls and my wrists would quiver when trying to lift weights. Now my knees were giving out. I gave up working out for a few years to save myself the embarrassment and avoid the psychological damage that came with every realization that at 21 years old my body couldn’t do what it used to. Over time I packed on the pounds and couldn’t believe the type of person I had become. I had let this disease not only overpower my body, but my mind as well. It was conquering my life little by little.

Recently I decided I’ve had enough. I know I won’t be able to run the bleachers and lift weights right away, but I’m working toward it. The best solution for me was to find low impact, full body home workouts that make me sweat. Kickboxing was the first home workout I tried, but it was just a little too intense. I tried a few dancing videos, but my body couldn’t keep up. I finally tried Pilates and although it is slow it’s exactly what I need. It is intense on my muscles, but easy on my joints and works my entire body. I have truly found a workout that I absolutely love doing and my body seems to love it as well.

Your body not performing as it once did can be difficult for anyone, but it can be even more devastating for athletes who are used to having control over their body. It takes time, but little by little you can take back control by adapting and finding a new way to workout that is best for you.