As if there are words in the English language that do this justice

If you’ve just eaten Easter dinner, or just have a generally weak stomach, get out of here. Check this out instead.

A Minnesota man, Robert Lind, has confessed to ejaculating–yes, that–into his co-worker’s coffee and on her desk on several occasions. Why, you ask? He explained himself to the court after he plead guilty to the horrific crimes. According to the court documents:


Lind said that he likes [the victim] and is attracted to her. Lind admitted that he ejaculated on [the victim’s] desk and in her coffee on August 26, 2014. When asked why he did this, Lind said he thought it was a way to get [the victim] to notice him.

Unbelievable. Lind’s actions were discovered by his co-worker after she caught him with his hands near his genitals by her desk, more than likely about to strike again. Previously, she’d had an issue with foul-tasting coffee, and a clear substance appearing on her desk.

Lind will be sentenced in May, and faces a year in jail.