PORTSMOUTH, NH—Saying they did not want her to miss out on the experiences of a sibling relationship, local parents Cathleen and Eric Patterson told reporters Wednesday they are considering having a second child to give their daughter someone to grow apart from over time. “Recently, we’ve been thinking it would be nice for Emily to have a little brother or sister who she can gradually lose contact with over the next few decades and eventually barely speak with at all,” said Cathleen Patterson, adding that the couple wanted to make sure their child would have a sibling she could come to depend on for a few minutes of strained small talk at an annual holiday dinner or a halfhearted Facebook message sent several days after her birthday. “We’ll be gone someday, so we want Emily to have another family member who she can count on to reluctantly call her once every few months and suggest that they should get together at some point, but never follow through. I don’t want to deny her those kinds of memories.” The Pattersons added that if they decided against having another child, their daughter would still have numerous opportunities to become bitterly alienated from both of them.

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