The UFC fighter explains how mixed martial arts has contributed to her dealing with the trauma of being sexually assaulted as a teenager and how she is using her celebrity status to help other victims of bullying and abuse

‘I’m definitely not a quitter,” Paige VanZant says as the Ultimate Fighting Championship fighter explains why, in January, she refused to give up after she broke her arm in the first round but battled on for 10 minutes before losing a decision to Jessica-Rose Clark in St Louis. Her courage that night, and in other bouts, has its roots in a dark history.

VanZant has also spoken of suffering years of bullying and a harrowing gang-rape as a 14-year-old in Oregon. Yet she has been derided by hardcore mixed martial arts fans for being hyped ahead of better fighters because she is attractive and opens up the bloody business of cage fighting to a different audience.

Before she addresses the rape that nearly destroyed her 10 years ago, VanZant remembers her grit against Clark. “I so wanted to finish the fight,” she says, cheerfully. “I worked so hard to get there I wasn’t going to let a broken arm take me out.”

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VanZant is at home in Oregon, nursing her arm after a second operation last month. The first procedure failed to fuse the bone and, as VanZant says, “this surgery is known to have complications”.

“It wasn’t super rare that there have been issues with the broken bone. They’ve now done a bone graft and put in a massive plate. I’m hopeful it will now work. In the fight I definitely knew my arm broke. I heard it break, I felt it break. The adrenaline didn’t take over and it hurt really bad. It was huge mentally to convince myself to keep going.”

Surely she considered retiring? “I definitely did. At one point she was arm-barring my broken arm and she caught me in that triangle and I was trying to fight out of that with one hand. I’m thinking: ‘Am I making it worse?’ That was my biggest fear. On top of the fact it hurt really bad. But I have too much pride to tap out.”

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Jessica-Rose Clark, left, attempts to submit Paige VanZant, who was fighting for 10 minutes with a broken right arm, in their UFC flyweight bout in January 2018. Photograph: Josh Hedges/Zuffa LLC via Getty Images

VanZant stresses the emotional pain she went through a decade ago was far worse than the agony against Clark. In her book, Rise, she offers a bleak and unflinching account of her teenage years in the small town of Newberg. As a cheerleader, who did well academically and was sporty, she was picked on or shunned by other girls.

She described how when a boy showed interest in her and invited her bowling with his friends she enjoyed the rare glow of positive attention. Later that night, the boy texted her an invitation to hang out with them. Paige, not wanting to lose her new friends, made the mistake of sneaking out and going to the boy’s house. A gang of his friends were there and she was the only girl. She says they plied her with drink, despite her protesting and crying, and when she was too drunk to defend herself they raped her, one after another.

Did VanZant sense she was in trouble as soon as she walked through the door? “Yeah,” she says, softly. Could she not find a way of leaving before the situation spiralled out of control? “That’s a big problem for women. We’re taught never to hurt men’s feelings. We need to teach women to stand up for themselves. When you get that voice inside that says, ‘No, stop,’ instead of worrying about hurting somebody’s feelings you need to listen to yourself: ‘Hey this is a bad situation. I need to go home and not feel sorry.’ You need to say no to things you don’t want to do.”

She says her torment after being raped was deepened by the fact she felt too ashamed to tell her parents or anyone else what had happened for a long time. She was also threatened the day after the rape by the boy who had texted her. He said they had made a video of her and they would post it on the internet if she told anyone. She knew she had been raped repeatedly and “despite the fuzziness of the details … from the waist down I felt like one giant bruise”.

I want women to feel confident to speak up. If I'd found my voice before that night, none of this would have happened Paige VanZant

Paige withdrew deeper into herself. Rumours circulated around school and soon she heard “slut” and “whore” being hissed at her. The fact her surname then was Sletton haunted her – because the kids called her “Slutton”.

The bullying became so bad that, after the family moved to Reno, her mother suggested she change her name to VanZant. Slowly, painfully, VanZant told her first boyfriend and then a counsellor she had been raped. They helped her return to Oregon to report the incident. The police were sympathetic and said she could press charges whenever she felt ready.

It is obvious how hard it is for VanZant to tell her story but has the rise of the #MeToo movement made her feel less alone? “It was amazing it started right before my book came out. So I felt huge support and that I wasn’t doing this by myself. It felt liberating to get the story out but the pain doesn’t just go away. It’s also a hard lesson to learn it’s not your fault in these circumstances. I want to change that stigma. I want women to feel confident to speak up. If I had found my voice before that night then none of this would have happened.”

Facebook Twitter Pinterest The scar from Paige VanZant’s surgery is clearly visible on her right arm – she aims to be fighting by the end of 2018. Photograph: Graeme Robertson/Guardian

Ironically, VanZant found her voice in a sport as violent as MMA. Her father is a tough man, who finds it almost impossible to praise her and believes she should never admit to weakness but he helped by taking her to a gym to boost her self-esteem. “It really did. Lots of people don’t understand fighting or what we’re doing. But fighting helped me find myself. It helped me realise I am a strong, beautiful, talented woman. I hope other women and girls who faced what I did can find some outlet where they realise their strength and power – and they’ve had it in them the whole time. Fighting gave me that.

“I am different to other girls in the UFC [which is the commercial peak of MMA with its promotions being screened in 165 countries]. It was never my ambition to make it to the UFC. I just started training to lift myself. I was a hidden, shy, timid person and I fell into it. I felt like I was adopted into this family at my first gym. I then had my first fight and when I won I discovered I mattered. Before then I was stuck in that victim mindset. In fighting I found a purpose and that my presence on earth matters.”

VanZant broke into the UFC in 2014 and her fight record was 6-1 when she faced the world’s best woman fighter, the brilliant Rose Namajanus, in December 2015. Namajanus proved she was in a different league and forced VanZant to submit in round five. VanZant has since lost two of her past three fights.

“Losing makes me question myself,” she says. “I question my skills, I question why I’m doing this and why I put myself through this. But it is such a powerful sport. You put so much of yourself into fighting, and you sacrifice so much, that victory liberates your entire life. But you lose in front of millions and people talk about that for a long time.”

VanZant’s bravery is unquestioned but she does seem seduced by appearing on TV shows like Dancing with the Stars and Chopped – a television cooking contest. Should she not have used this time to improve her MMA skills? “Absolutely not. I have these amazing opportunities. Yeah, I’m a fighter but I’m so much more than that. I’m so talented in so many areas and I’m going to continue to be successful inside and outside of fighting.”

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Paige VanZant dancing with Mark Ballas on the “Disney Night” episode of the Dancing with the Stars in April 2016 Photograph: Adam Taylor/ABC via Getty Images

Similarly, VanZant is not shy when I ask if her recent choice to have plastic surgery, in the form of breast implants, will fuel those who question her fighter’s credibility. “I didn’t think about those people at all. Girls like being feminine. I might be an athlete but you want to be proud of your own boobs. [She laughs]. I had to buy mine and that’s the way it goes but it will not affect me as a fighter. Everything I went through prepared me for this career and I want to use this as a platform to help people who were also bullied and abused.

“It is hard because there’s so much negative stuff on social media. Even now I get depressed. I haven’t been able to train the last seven months because of my arm and I don’t see light at the end of the tunnel. But each day I count all the amazing things in my life. I have an amazing family. I have an amazing fiance [next month she marries the professional MMA fighter Austin Vanderford]. I will fight again. If my arm heals in three months then the goal is to fight at the end of the year. But sometimes things take longer than we like.”

Some of the girls who bullied her have since apologised but it is sobering to hear VanZant say the ordeal of going to court is likely to dissuade her from laying charges against the men who raped her. Her words are a poignant mix of darkness and hope. “I’ve definitely forgiven people but I’ll never forget what I went through 10 years ago. I wear that cross every single day and bear that burden. But I’m a better person now. I’ve accepted it and have a little more peace but the scar will be there forever. I’m learning how to live with that scar. I wouldn’t say I was happy for what I went through but I am happy where I am today.”

Watch highlights of Paige in action on UFC Fight Pass. The next event is UFC 228: Woodley vs. Till which is live on BT Sport on Saturday 8 September.