It’s the one of the best kept secrets, and every year it never fails to amaze, upset and excite. Without warning it gets dropped on us, like a ridiculously over sized Acme Corp anvil, and within moments the whole internet implodes on itself. Who will headline is always the question on everyone’s lips. Glastonbury being as diverse as it is, throws up many problems. Firstly, what does a proper headliner look like? The obvious answer would be Mumford and Sons. Faux folk rock couldn’t be less out of place at worthy farm if it tried, and frankly if you were there you’d think they were trying, whereas surprisingly enough, the Glastonbury revival started in 2008 when Jay-z – who took a lot of shit from everyone’s mate Liam G – delivered one of the most memorable Pyramid sets of the last 10 years. It’s fair to say that by this point it’s a sell out regardless. The Eavises can book whoever they want and still call the festival a success, but who are the people that could truly maintain Glastonbury’s status as number one?

Kanye West

Kanye? The rapper Kanye West? Matey who is engaged to the one that did that porn? Yes Kanye West is a great shout for Glastonbury, as we’ve already discovered, there is a place for Rap at Worthy Farm. Yeezus was nothing less than a massive success in 2013 and a man with an ego of that size doesn’t take breaks. He brings everything that Hova did in 2008, and at this stage in his career possibly more. I cant speak for everyone, but who doesn’t want to be stood with 80,000 other people screaming “Fuck you and your hampton house, i fucked your Hampton spouse” on a warm summers eve. Alright, he may be a bit of a knob, and a massive prima donna, but isn’t that what we want in a larger than life character like Yeezy? Ample amounts of hits and a fantastic stage presence are all keys to a successful set and Kanye is not short in either of those departments. The festival also comes highly recommended by Yeezys good friends the Carters, both of whom have played in the last 10 years. To say there is a chance we will be seeing his name atop the lineup come April is an understatement.

David Bowie

This one is slightly more out of left field, but i’d be mad to omit Ziggy Stardust, The Thin White Duke AKA David bloody Bowie. If anything is for sure, it’s that at this point in his career, Bowie does not do anything he doesn’t want to. The Next Day was as stellar as any album of last year, and a surprise only to be topped later in the year by Beyonce. Regardless nothing should be taken away from how shocking the 66 year olds return was. Bowie has nothing left to prove, he’s been to the top and elevated himself to a pop culture icon whose face can still be seen on shit Primark tops to this day. I doesn’t need mentioning but with a back catalogue that involves Life On Mars, Oh Your Pretty Things, and Space Oddity, he could easily put in one of the best headline performances of Glastonbury’s history, and there are few better ways for a legend to bookmark the end of their career than a Sunday night in Pilton.

Abba

Another heritage act that has recently been thrown in to the mix. Understandably everyone is incredibly hesitant to even consider the fact that the Swedish giants of pop could ever play together again. Let alone specifically play Glastonbury, but if I may, let me just paint the picture of thousands upon thousands of people dancing like mums and dads at a wedding to Dancing Queen. They are a band that appeals to the masses on a level that is unheard of. The popularity of Mamma Mia alone was enough to get Abba tribute act ‘Bjorn Again’ to the mainstage in 2009. I saw them that year and it was one of my highlights of the festival. There isn’t enough good stuff to say about them, they are the quintessential Sunday night Glastonbury headliner.

Daft Punk

Now for something completely different. The elusive French duo practically made themselves into the dance behemoths they are today by putting in a womper-stomper of a set at Coachella, and I don’t use that term loosely. Skepticism is of course ripe with this choice, the band has yet to take last year’s incredible ‘Random Access Memories’ out on the road, and with the amount of money that it spun, they have every right not to. However, I’m at times an incredibly selfish person, and to see songs like ‘Technologic’, ‘Robot Rock’ and ‘Get Lucky’ live, is on my bucket list. So if you are thinking of going out on the road, my robotic friends, a stop at Worthy Farm would be greatly appreciated. The only question in my midst is having had a few years off, will they still be able to put in the same kind of performance that escalated them to cult and then world beating status.

The Stone Roses

Perhaps the most obvious fit on this list. The Stone Roses have been everywhere since announcing there re-formation in 2011. From the highs of their massively successful Heaton Park gigs to the lows of their disastrous Coachella performance which caused them to be bumped from headliner status, you would be forgiven for thinking that one last gig would perhaps cement their comeback as one of the better of this century. Ok, it’s not as good as the Spice Girls reformation tour, but really, who’s was? Admittedly Ian Brown’s vocals are not what they used to be, furthermore there is a big difference between 2014 Stone Roses and 1990 Stone Roses, but that should not detract from the fact that Remi and Co will always deliver.

Kasabian

I should probably prefix this with one statement, I really like Kasabian. So of course, I’d love for them to headline right? Wrong. I was there for their first headline set at Reading festival and it was good, that was the problem, it was just good. At this point in their career i can’t help but feel they are one A.M short of delivering a set we will all remember for the rest of our lives. Sure tracks like ‘Fire’ are huge anthems, and deservedly so, but there isn’t enough fire in the setlist to justify a 2hr slot. Kasabian are currently, a fantastic second stage headliner or main stage sub headliner, and every part of me hopes that they come back in 2014 with an album that will force everyone to re-evaluate them as a band. They are 100% capable of it, and should they manage it. A Pyramid headline slot would be gladly welcome.

Rihanna

Ri-Ri as i understand she is affectionately known, is another name that’s being thrown in to the mix. Beyonce proved in 2011 that a female solo artist can top the bill, and put in one of the performances of the festival as a whole – but she is Beyonce. Regardless, if anyone can step in to the 12 inch heels that Beyonce left it may as well be Rhianna. Her album sales pretty much speak for themselves, and years of constant back to back tours you can sure as hell guarantee that the live show will be as polished as it is glitzy. The comparison between the two biggest females in pop will always be there and that leaves a devastatingly heavy weight on her shoulders. She may not be the best, most important, or likeliest name on this list, but she has every right to be on it.

Lady Gaga

Another female Solo artist, Lady Gaga is however, one who wouldn’t quite draw as many comparisons to those that came before her. Gaga will bring a show to Glastonbury, a show which is rivaled by very few people touring today. In 2009 playing 4th from top on the Other stage, she had no less than 4 costume changes. A bra that shot fireworks, a motorcycle, a piano filled with balloons. You get the point, and yet you take away all the production, dancers and raz-ma-taz you’re left with one of the best voices in pop today. Gaga is spectacle in every single sense of the word, alright it comes with a healthy degree of nonsense but I think we can all look past that. Even the coffin, meat dress, natural healing, egg, album leak breakdown, penis incident. Actually, i’ll stop there.

And finally…

Arcade Fire

Arcade Fire are headlining Glastonbury, we know this for certain as the band confirmed it on their twitter late last year, much to the shock, it would seem, of Glasto HQ. Arcade Fire are not at all my cup of tea, they are however the perfect band for the demographic of Glastonbury, arty enough for the hip, musical enough for the aficionados and connoisseurs, and busy enough for everyone else. Whether they will be good enough to stand out as a moment of the festival, or simply fade into the background much like the Gorillaz in 2010 is a question no one can answer until June. I know many people who will spend a long time telling me why Arcade Fire are the best thing to appear on Planet Earth ever, and I admire their enthusiasm. If you want me though, i’ll be at the West Holts watching some Reggae/rap/world music.

Feel free to tweet me your thoughts and call me a little bitch at @C_Spearman