Instragram: @blastyd

What’s up fight fans?

So you probably heard that Conor McGregor has landed in trouble with the law yet again. This time it was for smashing a fan’s cell phone, adding to the long list of inanimate objects that Conor has beef with.

But somehow I managed to not only take a picture with Conor, but get an IG like from him. So how did I do it? Here’s the story.

December 10th, 2015. Whole Foods at Las Vegas Blvd and Sunset Rd.

It was after the open workouts for UFC 194 in Las Vegas where Conor McGregor was set to face Jose Aldo for the featherweight championship.

I was hungry, and didn’t feel like eating the nuclear waste that passes for food on the Vegas Strip. So I headed to the nearest Whole Foods.

Tip for all the fight fans: If you want to meet a UFC fighter apparently the Whole Foods on Las Vegas Boulevard and Sunset Road is the place to go. Many of them graze there after daytime events, because it’s the closest place to the strip where you can get healthy food.

The Whole Foods was pretty empty. There were only two people in produce section as I entered. The first I saw was a high class escort – a brunette wearing skin tight leather jumpsuit and knee high leather boots.

As she turned around I caught a glimpse of her face.

Wait! That’s not an escort that’s Dee Devlin, Conor McGregor’s girlfriend. So that must mean…

Dee Devlin wearing the boots in question.

Indeed, the other person in the produce section was none other than The Nortious Conor McGregor, who was suspiciously inspecting a bag of baby carrots.

This was a prime photo opportunity. But I didn’t want to rush in like Vitor Belfort in a china shop. Itwas a stressful and hectic week for Conor. This brief respite in Whole Foods was probably the first bit of quiet he’d had all day.

Being sensitive to the situation I went over to Dee Devlin first.

“Hi, do you think it would bother Conor if I asked for a picture?” I asked. “I don’t want to be nuisance during the weight cut, and you look lovely by the way.”

STEP 1 – Hit on Conor’s Baby Momma.

Dee seemed confused, but I instantly I had Conor’s full attention.

“Hey now, what’s on?” he asked sauntering over.

I flashed him a big smile and pointedly took a step away from Dee.

“Hey, good to see you,” I told him like we were old friends. “I didn’t want to bother you during the cut. I’ve done 145 myself with this frame and all. Brutal.”

I’m 3 inches taller than Conor and much broader. He’s the size I’d take special care not to use strength against during jiu jitsu..

Step 2- Insinuate that something Conor is doing isn’t impressive to gain his respect.

“Aye, it’s not all that though,” he said. “I feel great.”

“You look it,” I agreed, “Calm too, zen mode.”

He nodded wistfully, no doubt envisioning a shiny belt being wrapped around his waist.

Sensing I had successfully pacified Conor I made my move.

“Would you mind taking a picture?” I asked

“No problem brother,” he said smiling broadly.

Now this step is absolutely key.

Conor, like most wild animals, can become startled by sudden movements and shiny objects. This will put them into a state of extreme agitation. If I had quickly whipped out a cell phone and pointed it at Conor we would have needed a falconry hood to calm him back down.

Instead I slowly removed the phone, unlocked it, and handed it to Conor.

This move accomplishes two things. First, it puts Conor in control of the situation. He is doing the pointing and shooting, substantially decreasing his arousal level. Second, It allows him to take advantage of the thousands upon thousands of hours he’s spent practicing his self-taking skills.

Conor didn’t hesitate. With the ease and grace of a master artisan practicing their craft he grabbed the phone, positioning at a precise angle.

Notice in the photo Conor has even positioned himself closer to the lens, making hour height difference seme less severe. He’s a true master of the selfie.

Step 3 – Take a giant leap of faith, and willingly hand Conor your phone.

“Thanks man and good luck,” I said with genuine appreciation as I walked away.

I realized the fact that I had held Conor’s mercurial attention for even a few sentences was a small miracle. Best not to press my luck, it was time to disengage.

Mission accomplished. I had taken a selfie with Conor McGegor and my phone was still in one piece.

Joking aside, when approaching any celebrity, especially on a fighter on fight week who’s under extreme pressure, you have to remember they’re a human being.

When I talked to Conor I talked to him like he was a normal person. I also tried to make clear that I wanted to be respectful of him and empathized with the stress he was under.

So as it turns out, even in the dangerous endeavor of taking a selfie with Conor McGregor the golden rule still applies — Don’t be a dick, and they won’t be one back.