In an open letter to Lianhe Zaobao published on Sept. 29, ex-Mediacorp artist Sharon Au has publicly opened up about her depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Started seven years ago

In her letter, Au said that everything began in March 2011 when she was flying back to Singapore after studying abroad in Japan.

On the plane back, she couldn't stop crying.

Au was crying so hard that the kind cabin crew quietly transferred her to the business class section of the plane, saying that she could cry in peace there as there were fewer passengers.

At that time, Japan had just experienced a 9.1 magnitude Tohoku earthquake and tsunami.

And Au felt bad that she had left her "family" in Japan behind to pick up the pieces in the aftermath of the natural disaster.

She said it made her feel like a "kid who ran back home at the slightest trouble".

Downward spiral into depression

Despite this ordeal, Au said that she returned back to work the second day that she was home.

She thought that by plunging herself back into the fast-paced world of work, she would magically feel better -- but she was wrong.

Au quickly slipped into depression after that and also suffered from PTSD flashbacks.

PTSD flashback

She recounted an incident when she felt the entire room tilting and shaking in the midst of a meeting with her bosses.

In order to steady herself, she firmly grabbed onto the table and instinctively wanted to crouch under the table as this was what she was taught in Japan.

"Did you feel that? Why is there an earthquake in Singapore?", she asked, only to be greeted with stares.

It was at this point, she said, that she knew that there was something wrong with her.

Tried seeking professional help twice

Au explained that she tried seeking professional help on two occasions, but both occasions did not turn out well.

At the first clinic she went to, the receptionist exclaimed her name in excitement and requested to take a photo with her.

Embarrassed, Au told the receptionist that she would no longer be seeing the doctor.

She also stressed that she was "not sick" and lied that she was merely researching for a new role.

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As she continued to be plagued by suicidal tendencies, Au decided to try again at a different clinic.

This time, the specialist was an elderly doctor in his 70s.

Upon hearing that she was depressed after returning from Japan, possibly because she "missed her time there", he asked her: "Don't you know the Japanese killed a lot of people?"

This question caught her off-guard.

The doctor, Au realised, had gone through the Second World War, while she was still holding on to her time as a student in Japan.

Based on her explanation in Chinese, Au said she and the doctor could not interact, as they were both trapped in different mental states that could not meet.

Encourage others to seek help

Au said that she eventually made gradual progress after learning more about her condition and coming to terms with it.

Despite not overcoming her medical condition via the usual means, she said that she was lucky that she gave herself love and self-care, allowing her to overcome her problems.

In sharing her experience, Au hopes that people will not make the same mistake she did, and drop their ego to seek help if they need to:

"Mental health is more important than pride. Seeking help does not mean that you are weak. Bravely facing up to your vulnerabilities, and climbing out from that dark place -- that is courage."

On her Instagram, she also posted a photo of the Zaobao article, saying, "I hope you gain strength and courage to seek help."

She also used the hashtag #YouareNOTalone.

Top photo from @sharonau13 Instagram

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