Report: You Are Still Using Facebook For Some Reason

U.S.—Despite the countless examples of censorship and flagrant misuse of users’ personal data, along with the adverse intrapersonal and social effects, sources close to you confirmed Monday that you are still using Facebook, for some reason.

Sources claimed that while you complain about the social giant regularly, you visit it numerous times every day, providing it with plentiful page views and ad revenue. Sources further claimed that, in fact, you have scrolled through your timeline almost a dozen times today alone.

“We’re not sure why they’re still using that evil network—they’ve seen all the news reports about their lies and sneaky Orwellian practices,” sources stressed. “Heck, they even shared some of them on Facebook.”

“It’s like they haven’t thought about the fact that they can just, like, stop using it, and everything will be OK,” they added.

At publishing time, sources confirmed that you’ll be on Facebook all day again tomorrow, for some reason.

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost. Get FREE Access *with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee