My gift was shipped in three parts, and Santa let me know that the explanation for the selection was with the first gift. I decided to wait until all three arrived before opening any, but I got a bit punchy when the second one showed up and tracking on the third was "It's in the system somewhere!". I composed the following (and modified it slightly to send directly to Santa):

My Santa told me there would be

Arriving soon, some parcels three

Of condiment-y goodness. But

The temptation to keep them shut

And wait for all three to arrive

So’s not to spoil the note that I’ve

Received, they said, within the first...

This waiting, here, it is the worst!

The second hit my stoop today,

The third, the postal people say

May be some time in coming yet

Or almost here! ...Or in Tibet.

But know you Santa, that I shall

Update this post when postmen call

(or postwomen, ‘round here, it’s true,

Though saying it correctly do,

Or does, make rhymes so hard to make)

AND WITH THAT I SHALL TAKE A BREAK

From posting rhymes of thanks and glee

To Santa so that they can see

Their gifts delivered one and all

... and now my writing’s hit a wall.

BUT NOW THEY'RE ALL HERE AND YUM! Trust me, Santa, you have no reason to apologize for Carolina barbeque. It may not be my spouse's thing (being from KC and all) but New York has no such thing as its own BBQ which just means I get to appreciate everyone else's. The chile crunch looks like an excellent variation on hot sauces. Finally, I am indeed a fan of bitters, and I too describe them as condiments for beverages. Even better, you got me one of the only Fee Brothers products my collection is missing.

KUDOS AND THANKS SANTA!