Everyone knows the hardest part of writing is not online shopping for three hours instead. For example, just this morning, I sat down to write a new piece for this site. Once I turned on my computer, however, I noticed an email from one of my favorite stores. I clicked on the email. Three hours later, I realized I had written nothing. I had, however, found a bunch of shit I want to buy.

Since I never got around to writing anything, I’m going to instead share with you the things I want that I cannot under any circumstances afford to buy.

I want this

I’m thinking of getting into tracksuits this spring. This is the best one I found, but Umbro foolishly doesn’t make matching pants!

I think I want these

But maybe these would work with that jacket? I can’t tell.

I want this

Should I even get into tracksuits? I can’t tell anymore.

I want this

Yes, I’m shopping at Urban Outfitters again, which probably means I’m having an EXTREMELY PREMATURE midlife crisis.

I want this

“But Mary,” you’re probably thinking. “Don’t you already have enough sweatshirts?” The answer to that question is never.

I want that lip color

I’ve never bought anything from Glossier but my sister has this lipstick and it’s so good. It’s not even that I want it — I need it. Which is why I bought it, along with one other shade (Zip) whoops!

I want this

I mean, look at these coveralls. They were made for me, unless they don’t fit at all (which is likely), in which case they were made for someone else with great taste.

I want this

This is just a short version of that last jumpsuit so obviously I need it too.

I want this

Yes, I have at least four shirts that look exactly like this but this one is different, I swear.

I want these

They’re onsale. True, I have the same jeans in five different washes but…they’re onsale.

I want these

These would look great with those jeans.

I want these

I bought these. Whoops.