EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT

Leslie Totts was today informed that bodily autonomy does not exist and that her immature mind is yet to truly fathom the wonderful prospect of being a mother.

The barrage of questions and unsolicited life advice had occurred when she’d attended a family gathering, where her very childless presence soon became a hot topic of conversation.

Incurring the wrath of every Aunt Mary, Sue and Margaret, Leslie had thought she’d copped the brunt of it until she ran into the chronically pregnant Aunt Linda.



“Oh I thought I didn’t want children either,” said Linda.

“Now I have seven of them HAHAHAHAHAHA.”



It’s reported that Aunt Linda had continued to remind Leslie that her biological clock was ticking, only pausing mid rant to console a screaming toddler who’d decided it was time to punch mummy’s leg.



“They bring me so much joy!” Aunt Linda said.

“I don’t know who I’d be without them!”



“Honestly not having kids is just selfish.”



Following that train of speech, Linda also made sure to remind Leslie that without children, she’d have no one to look after her when she got older. If the prospect of not having any adult children to wipe her drool wasn’t horrifying enough, Linda also added that an imaginary husband would definitely want children.



“You’ll change your mind when you find the right man.”



“If you don’t have them they’ll just find someone who will HAHA!”



At that point, Leslie had decided that instead of voicing that she had more to offer than being a walking womb, it’d be best to nod meekly and divert the attention back to Linda’s pride and joy/ future juvenile delinquent.



More to come.

