



Hoping to escape the loathsome situation he found himself in, Cincinnati-native Andre Werth naturally began thinking about the many ways Super Smash Bros. Melee could distract him from the trials and tribulations of everyday life. Super Smash Bros., a series released for the sole purpose of forgetting reality for mere minutes, provided the perfect safehaven for Werth as his family argued over the controversial statements his racist grandfather had made.



Thanksgiving, the most joyful family holiday event of the year, served as an ideal place for colorful expletives and relentless hurtful exchanges between relatives. Andre, caught in the crossfire, blankly stared ahead of him and began pondering whether or not “so and so combo is true” and if PPMD would be present at Genesis 4.



“Whenever I find myself faced with some sort of obligation or stressful situation, I usually like to ignore it by staring off into space,” Andre told Smashboards. “I then think of what combos work at certain percents and stuff like that.”



Werth told us that this defense mechanism is prevalent in his everyday life. According to friends and family, Andre will often assume a ‘Smash-induced’ vegetative state when confronted with any problem or responsibility. His ex-girlfriend Hanna Bates added that when she confronted him about his antisocial attitude, he stared at her in silence for several minutes before walking away and mumbling “something about nipple spikes”.



After ten long minutes of wondering whether certain types of deodorant could help with technical skill, Andre unfortunately had to abandon his meta-breaking idea upon realizing that the family feud was over. He was last seen struggling to make something up for when the family asked what he was thankful for.

