Boris wondering if he should bother to finish unpacking

With his parliamentary majority obliterated and his no-deal Brexit plans almost in tatters, Prime Minister Boris Johnson has been left wondering if he should even bother unpacking the last of those boxes in Downing Street.

Boris, who has been living there for over six weeks now, still has a number of boxes that need unpacking, which is true of everyone who has ever moved house, ever.

However, most people with a few boxes still to unpack don’t find themselves in a position of having to move again so soon.

“The sort of people who have to move house every few weeks might find it easier living out of their car,” explained on political analyst we spoke to.

“That said, I’m sure Boris unpacked all the important stuff, personal grooming products, his suits, and his toys for the bedroom – no, not the Scalextric, that goes in the study.

“Boris is facing a place in the history books as the shortest-serving prime minister in modern history, which will be nice I guess.

“I mean, he’s not going to have to move today, but let’s put it this way, I wouldn’t go around ordering curtains that will take longer than eight weeks to arrive. Certainly not without checking if the other leaders like them.”

Having to move is unlikely to be an issue for all the resident, according to sources.

As one Downing Street worker told us, “It’s almost like Carrie knew this was coming, she’s been living out of a single overnight bag since they got there.”