CDC Advises Politicians Keep At Least 6 Feet Apart When Pointing Fingers At Each Other

U.S.—The Center for Disease Control and Prevention warned politicians this week to stay at least six feet apart when they point fingers at one another. The warning comes as federal, state, and local governments continue to use the Coronavirus as a convenient excuse for continued finger-pointing.

Finger-pointing, while occasionally unwarranted, is a classic political move which always proves that the person you are pointing at is at fault, and probably really stupid.

“Politicians need to lead by example,” warned CDC Director Robert Redfield. “They’ve got to stay six feet apart when pointing fingers. If they’re not careful, every single politician in the United States could be infected with Coronavirus and die. And nobody would want that. Nobody.”

Democrats and Republicans did not respond well to the warning, each saying it was the other side’s problem, not theirs. “It’s all their fault!” yelled Nancy Pelosi, as her dentures flew out of her mouth and into Dan Crenshaw’s water. “They started it!” she said, retrieving her dentures and sticking her finger into Crenshaw’s chest.

But it didn’t stop there: several politicians from both sides of the aisle jumped into the pointing match, which lasted a full hour of pay for each member of Congress. Rand Paul was the only member to be pointed at by every member of Congress.

“All I did was draw up a plan for us to stay six feet apart while pointing fingers at one another,” Paul explained. “I just figured I’d try to be productive.”

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