We are in court, LANDO IS SHAKING. He tells me he drank 4 RED BULLS, BEFORE COURT.

neo: "why did you drink 4 red bulls?

lando: "I didn't have any milk. And the store owner was done lending me muscle milk"

neo: ".... OH SHIT, PLEASE LANDO, TRY NOT TO TALK LIKE THIS. WE ARE IN COURT IN 10 MINS."

Lando: "Talk like that? Talk like what?"

me: "oh wow, FML"

Lando: "you got to get me out of this Neo, I am innocent. I didn't know there were 30 iphones were in that trunk, you got to beleive me"

me: "BUT THEN YOU TOLD THE COP WHEN HE OPENED THE TRUNK THAT ONE OF THEM WAS YOURS"

Lando: "I THOUGHT one of them was mine. It had the Dora the Explora sticker on it. Looked like mine

neo: "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT"

*judge walks in*

Neo: "Lando, PLEASE BEHAVE YOURSELF. COMPOSE YOURSELF. PLEASE. DO YOU NOT REALIZE YOU CAN GO TO JAIL FOR A LONG TIME?????"

Lando: "that's all I've been thinking about bro. I don't want to end up with HANK (an african American he had already met while spending one night in jail. This is before he met MIGUEL)

Neo: "is there any way Linda the tranny can get you out of this? As in, Bail you out if need be?"

Lando: "Idk, I already exhausted that lemon tree if you know what I mean

Neo: "WHAAAAT?????"

Neo: "this isn't funny dude! I'm fucking serious!"

Lando: "I know nigga, I'm the one going to jail!"

Lando: "I don't want to see HANK again. When I was leaving the jail cell, he told me he had somehting in his pocket for me next time he saw me"

Lando: "I can only assume it's not a cheeseburger"

Neo: "have you ever thought he meant his DICK? Have you considered that?

Lando: "OH SHIT, I HAVE TO GET OUT OF THIS"

Judge: "Order please"

Neo: "Please Lando, I am trying to help you out. This isn't a stream, this isn't entertainment, this is your life. I'm fucking serious. You are about to get fucked in the ass if you don't compose yourself/behave. And by fucked I mean literally."

Lando: "what's literally mean?"

Judge: "please explain what happened"

Lando: "well your honor, first and foremost I'd like to say that it's a beautiful day outside and I think your robe is very elegant"

Neo: *thinking* O FUCK WE ARE DONE.

TO MY SURPRISE, LANDO WENT ON TO DESCRIBE not a completely retarded defense.

The judge said: "And it says here that you claimed one of the phones was yours? HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT"?

Neo: "WE ARE DONE"

Lando: "I seriously thought one of them was mine becuse it had an exact appearance as mine. But I DIGRESS, it was not"

Neo: thinking *HOW THE FUCK DID HE PULL OUT *DIGRESS* out of his dictionary?????????

lando: "and alas, my limited experience in secluded territory revealed to me a passage of righteousness that I should get back to. I am an important figure to a community of gamers, this I can prove to you. And I'd rather do that your honor, than to be in trouble"

Neo: *thinking* (WE MIGHT ACTUALLY MAKE IT????)

Judge: "I see. Well, I have to be honest with you and tell you that I am not pleased at all with these series of events. But , it would so seem that the car was someone else's and the owner did admit to lending you the car without you knowing. HOW YOU THOUGHT THE PHONE WAS YOURS, I am not sure."

Lando: "yes, lighting can strike twice in the same place your honor"

Neo: *thinking* WTF??? HOW IS THAT EVEN RELATED TO ANYTHING???? HOW IS THAT A REFERENCE???? STFUP LANDO!

Judge: "................" Lando: *smiley face*

Judge: "....as I conclude this, I will grant you no jail sentence, but I will implement 40 hours of community service and a $500 fee. This is more than fair would you not agree?"

Lando: *lando's face is not pleased*

Neo: *DON'T YOU DARE FUCK THIS UP LANDO* FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

HERE IT IS GUYS,

Judge: "DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY?"

Lando: "......................"

Neo: *IF YOU'VE EVER VALUED ANYTHING IN YOUR LIFE, DO NOT SAY SHIT*

Lando : "YES.......YES I DO"

*Lando's face is NOT PLEASED MIND YOU*

I FELT LIKE THE WORLD ENDED WHEN HE SAID THAT.

The judge was actually writing something and looking down at her papers, and when Lando said "YES I DO" she suddenly STOPPED AND LOOKED UP ABRUPTLY.

I actually interrupted and said: "your honor, if I may, I will be MORE THAN HAPPY TO PAY THE FINE FOR HIM. YOU SEE, HE IS GOING THROUGH SOME TOUGH TIM--------"

I tried to come to the rescue and the judge asked me to please let him finish.

LANDO HEARD THAT I WOULD PAY THE FINE.

HE HEARD IT.

HE FUCKING HEARD IT.

YOU WOULD THINK THAT WOULD BE ENOUGH.

Lando: "AS I WAS SAYING YOUR HONOR"

Neo: *ARE WE IN THE FUCKING TWILIGHT ZONE RIGHT NOW?????? YOU ARE ABOUT TO FUCK THIS UP PERFECTLY AND GET FUCKED LITERALLY*

Lando: "I DO NOT think it's fair. I was not involed in any way shape or form, and I think that $500 is EXTREMELY EXCESSIVE. I mean, you wouldn't be happy if YOU got fined $500 for walking in high heels that were stolen and you didn't know right? Would that make sense your honor? NO, NO IT WOLDN'T."

I swear that when I heard this guys, I really considered that he may be slightly retarded.

Lando: "I think the JUDICIAL SUPREME COURT (it was a regional court) is being very unfair AND THE POWERS THAT BE IN THE LIGHT"

(powers that be? it's only one judge. AND WTF IS THE LIGHT?)

Lando: "And therefore, I move for a jugment of aquittal."

Judge: "well, thank you for that, but I've decided to uphold your 30 jail sentence as a result of your idiocy"