To be clear, I actually do love hockey. It’s straight up enjoyable to watch. More people should like it, but this blog isn’t about all the reasons I like to watch hockey, so if you’re not a hockey gal, don’t worry! There’s still plenty to enjoy, and I mean PLENTY. It’s a god damned cornucopia of beautiful, toothless Canadian men. Below, in no particular order, are the reasons that you too should love hockey:

That is a whole ass MAN. He looks like James Bond. Or a Bond villain. Either way, he looks like he would look fire flame in a tuxedo, or maybe a bowtie and nothing else. Both of those pictures look like he is patiently listening while you tell him about how Cathy in accounting was a real passive aggressive bitch today. He’s 37, so he’s an adult… that’s hot.

Jonathon Toews

I know I went a little overboard on the Jonathan Toews pics but that is my BOY. There’s not a woman or man in the Chicagoland area that isn’t fully in love with this man. The first time in my memory that we won the Stanley cup, I was graduating 8th grade, and I SWEAR he was my sexual awakening. He’s the kind of guy you could have great sex with then immediately go back to cracking jokes. (He’s also allegedly in an open relationship, so I mean……… sup)

David Pastrnak

I can’t really explain why I think this guy’s hot, but he undoubtedly is. I think I like hockey players because that always have that flow, ya know? You can easily imagine running your fingers through it, or pulling it (whatever your style is, I’m not here to judge!!).

Roman Josi



Very hot, very wifed. But this guy’s on every single “hot guy in hockey” list out there, so how could I skip him? Plus, he looks great in a hat, which is rare. Well, most guys look good in baseball hats, but not many can pull off the fedora. Roman Josi pulls it off with aplomb. Anyway, he’s excellent eye candy, so you’re welcome.

Alex Wennberg

I mean, it’s unnecessary how often this man rocket poses with little tiny puppies. I don’t need that! I mean, I do, but jeez, save a little cute for the other guys. If you don’t want to roll around in a field with this man and those puppies, you’re fucked up.

Biz Nasty (Paul Bissonette)





Can’t go wrong with a Barstool Sports employee, ladies. He might be retired, but that ass never quits. Host of a little podcast (you might have heard of it) called Spittin’ Chiclets. I can’t say much more about him because I’m not sure if that would count as workplace sexual harassment but I will say that the ladies love him, and so should you.

Erik Gudbranson

You know he’s hot when he can be making funky faces and still be attractive. Erik Gudbranson has incredible hair. He has hot facial hair, too! He seems like a GREAT cuddler, too. You’d roll up to his nice apartment, hop into that king size bed, and become a cozy cinnamon roll with him. Not that he’s not also really hot but in all honesty I want to lay on top of him fully clothed while he rubs my back and/or plays with my hair. Idk. If you know you know.

Tom Wilson

Look at the ARMS. That guy could pop my head off with one flex of his bicep. Plus, he’s another hockey boy who loves dogs? I don’t know why they all love dogs so much but I’ll tell ya, I am NOT mad about it.

Miles Wood

I want it on the record that I audibly gasped when I saw the first picture of this man. He has LUSCIOUS lips. He actually has better lips than I do and it would be upsetting but I’m too attracted to him to care. He also looks like a fun guy to party with. This is your quintessential 3am, after bar kind of hook up. You might never see him in daylight hours (is he actually a vampire? you’ll never know) but you can always count on him in the wee hours of the morning. (ALSO lmao if you want a wild story about this guy listen to E28 of Schnitt Talk)

Brandon Carlo

More hot hockey boys with dogs PLEASE. At this point I could create an entire account devoted to it because there are so many pics out there of this specific thing. Man, I am ALL about it. Big strong men holding teeny tiny puppies is the ultimate clickbait. You know that movie “Set It Up” on Netflix where Lucy Liu is talking about KoKo the gorilla holding the tiny kitten? That’s how I feel about this man.

Evander Kane

I audibly went “wheewwwwww” when I saw the first picture of this guy. Also, we got another puppy pic! These hockey boys can like, get it. Actually, correction, because that’s not a boy, that’s a MAN. I’m a sucker for a good suit, and if you take a stroll down this man’s Instagram, you’ll see a lot of flame suits. Incredible. Evander Kane can take me out for a steak dinner at a rooftop restaurant then seduce me in the elevator any day.

Jake Virtanen

I’m including this kid because he’s such a smoooosh. I don’t know if this is insulting but I want him to be successful and have a wonderful career and marry a lovely girl. This is definitely not a ‘damn bend me over daddy’ type of dude but I still think he’s adorable and I love him.

Adam Henrique

This guy looks like a Disney prince. Put him in an open white shirt and tight pants and he’s Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid and I, for one, am all about it. I think it’s the hair… and the jawline. Very sturdy. I’m all about all of it. Plus I’m pretty sure he plays for the Ducks and I have a lot of respect for them as a team. Sorry, I know this blog isn’t really about hockey. He’s still really hot, and that’s all you need to know.

Mat Barzal

He’s young (23), he’s cute, he’s talented, he’s single (I think), what more could you possibly ask of a man? I think this is a GREAT choice of guy to root for if you’re my age or younger. You can pretend to be an Islanders fan. From what I understand, they’re underdogs, so that’s fun too! This is going to sound weird, but I want to go back in time and take Mat Barzal to a sorority formal. He looks like the kind of guy who’d dance with you, take cute pictures, and even help hold your friend’s hair back when she had one too many green tea shots.

Tyler Seguin

Look at the lettuce on this sexy man salad. I’ve heard a lot about Tyler Seguin, mostly that he looooves to party. Dallas isn’t exactly what I’d call a ‘Hockey Town’, so he’s able to kind of go wherever he wants and still fly somewhat under the radar. Some of the guys on this list are only hot in the context of them being professional hockey players. Tyler Seguin is hot as fuck, AND as an added bonus he’s a professional hockey player. Tyler Seguin walks into a bar and every girl there wants to fuck him whether they know who he is or not. Powerful.

Okay, so that’s 15 hot hockey boys for your viewing pleasure. If you’re interested in girls and you made it to the end of this blog, here’s a picture of Camille Kostek: