It never changes. Every time I log in to Twitter, it feels like it’s just a barrage of stupid.

“It takes more faith to be an atheist!”

“Why are atheists angry at god?”

“Don’t insult my beliefs!”

It’s just constant stream of brain waste that hasn’t been thought through; a steady flow of putrid rot that twists your wetware into knots. Today was no different, not that I wasn’t expecting as much, but it did bring a brand new sentiment I’d never seen before. Today’s fresh, shiny, new brain turd left me twitching:

“Christianity teaches humbleness, not arrogance.”

I promptly got up from my chair, walked back to bed, climbed under the covers and tried to wake myself up from this absurd dream I was having.

“What are you doing?” Godless Dad asked.

“Restarting the day. It’s broken, I think.”

I gave it a few then went back to my office hopeful the universe had a rethink. I sat at my computer. It was still there.

“Christianity teaches humbleness, not arrogance.”

So, here I am. I am ready to flush today’s glistening turd with a bit of reason. I’m going to tell you precisely how Christianity does not just teach arrogance, but rather, it spins, heaving in a vortex around a solid, impenetrable core of arrogance. It is fuelled by arrogance, it’s impossible without arrogance. Christianity is, in fact, the religion of arrogance and here are seven goddamned reasons why, no holy:

Everything was built for us – There are billions upon billions upon countless billions of light years worth of crap out there. Crap we don’t understand. Crap we likely never will understand, especially now that Trump’s prez, and is successfully ramping up the ol’ heat gun on the polar ice caps. There are hundreds of billions of galaxies, each galaxy containing billions of solar systems, and each of those with multiple planets. But Christianity will have us believe that all of this crap – every speck of stardust – was created so the guy who made it all can tally how many times you click your own mouse. Really, this is the only point I need to make in this post to prove that Christianity, or any other religion for that matter, is just a perpetual engine running on pure, unfiltered arrogance. We are the reason for billions and billions of light years worth of celestial bodies. My. Bloody. Ass.

God is listening to your prayers – Somehow, with all these billions of light years worth of possible worlds, and nearly 8 billion people on earth, with nearly a billion of them starving, 1 out of every 122 is displaced by war, half a million of them sold into slavery every year, somehow, some way, the man who made it all is tuned in to your prayer. You know, the one you’re desperately mumbling under your breath in line at the supermarket, begging for a new checkout to be opened so you won’t be late for your hair appointment. You, my fine, deluded friend, are as arrogant as they come.

Jesus was the first to teach anything – There are some people who actually, faithfully believe that love originated with the Jeeboner. There are others who think the cross-afflicted prophet was the original source of charity. That he brought us monogamy and turning the other cheek. They think these things did not exist prior to the virgin birth – before him, we were just debaucherous rapists who gnawed on the bones of children while fingering our neighbour’s wives! It was only when the light shone down on us and delivered to us a heavenly king, that we decided that hey, maybe not killing each other would be good for prosperity. I’m sorry Bible lovers, if this isn’t arrogance, I really don’t know what is.

Christianity is the only source of hope – Hey atheists, can you count how many times you’ve been told you don’t have hope because you don’t believe in their magic zombie miracle baby? ‘Cause I can’t! It’s a daily occurrence around here. Hope, it would appear, is only something that can be applied to an afterlife. One cannot have terrestrial hope; real hope for real people we can prove exist. Nope, the only thing hope can apply to is the big ol’ frat party in the sky. What’s worse, their hope involves sipping mai tais with the big guy on cloud nine, blissed the eff out like a crackhead on the pipe, all while loved ones, friends, co-workers, and neighbours burn for eternity in hellfire. This is not just what hope means to them. It is the only hope that can be had to them. If you do not believe in Heaven, you cannot possibly have hope. Now that is a level of arrogance I have no words to describe. It’s astronomical; out of this world. The level of arrogance here is so thick and viscous it could clog a black hole.

Christianity is the only source of meaning – Nevermind your kids, screw your dog, forget your significant other. They are meaningless. Your career, your hobbies, your passions and your volunteer work? Meaningless. Goals, dreams, desires and hopes? Vacuous vortexes devoid of any meaning. No, the only meaning in life could possibly come from some hairy dingus in the sky, answering your prayers for a promotion, sat next to his miracle kid who sacrificed himself (but only for three days) so Big Daddy could forgive you for some ancient mistake you didn’t commit. That is what meaning is, my friends. It’s the only meaning to be found in the vast expanses of the universe. Arrogant. As. Eff.

Christianity is the only source of awe – Despite the fact that the only awe I can see stemming from Christianity is my dumbfounded awe at how anyone with even half a mind could believe the wildly impossible claims of the Bible, Christians love to throw the awe argument around. “Without god, how do you have any awe?”. Simple. I just find it much easier to have awe in the breathtakingly massive universe and everything in it, than I possibly could in a fairy tale. If it is your firm belief that awe can only be found in the pages of the Bible, my friend, you have been staring at it far too long. Look up from your book. Preferably at night. With a telescope. That’s how you feel real awe and shed your icky arrogance.

Without the Christian god, there can be no morality – There can, there always has been and there is. Rather than this being a good argument for your little storybook, it’s actually just an admission that you are a serial killer and rapist, fighting daily with your urges to harm, and kept in check only by the idea that the big band leader in the sky is watching your every move. In your worldview, prior to Christ, the world was just immoral chaos. It’s amazing we even made it to Biblical times without completely wiping ourselves out with murder, genocide and general debauchery.

No, Christianity does not value humbleness. It’s the precise opposite. You absolutely must be full of arrogance to accept its teachings. The fact that you think you have a direct line to an infinite, benevolent, all-powerful god who made everything from one corner of the universe to the other, is about the most arrogant thing you could possibly believe, aside from being that god yourself. You cannot avoid this without ditching your Christian beliefs. They absolutely, unequivocally, require arrogance at levels rivalled by little else.

Christianity is arrogance. Period.

And now, for a small slice of humble pie: