But there actually is good news out there -- on some of the big issues of the day, no less. For instance, did you know ...

We recently pointed out that the news media has a filtering process that only lets the bad stuff through. When they do break up the monotony with something lighthearted, it's always something pointless and inconsequential, like that thing last week with the monkey that learned to fly a helicopter.

7 The Gulf of Mexico Is Almost at Its Pre-Spill Health Levels

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The Deepwater Spill was bad, obviously. Only a puddin'-headed crapwad or Fox News environmental news correspondent would tell you otherwise. But as bad as it was, as horrifically terrible as it was, the spill could have been much, much worse. For example, had the spill occurred in April 2011 rather than April 2010, a change in ocean currents would have carried the oil to the Florida Keys within a week and East Coast girls would be making politically charged statement jewelry out of their oil blob souvenirs as we speak.

The Good News

The Gulf is recovering way faster than anyone thought it would. Like, Blanche Devereaux fast, if you know what we mean.

Via Bossip.com

Aaaaah yeah.

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And the better news is that what could have happened with the Gulf oil spill didn't.

Now, before anyone has a finger equivalent of a heart attack while pounding out comments below, we're not saying the Gulf of Mexico is in fantastic shape. Please, do not try to raise your children or grow organic food in the Gulf of Mexico. It's just not ready yet. What we are saying is that the Gulf, which was not in fighting shape to begin with, is almost back to where it was before the spill. And nobody, not even the BP guys who caused the spill in the first place, thought it would get there so fast.

First, let's recap: the spill occurred on April 20, 2010. By the time the gusher was capped on July 15, 2010, 205 million gallons of oil were emancipated from their well hole, making this the largest oil spill (that wasn't intentionally caused by Iraqi military forces) in history.