Just the other day I said that Florida has been relatively quiet on the "insane crime" front so far this year. Turns out I was mistaken, and 72-year-old Richard D. Rice is the man who proved me wrong with a story that starts with a small dispute and ends with a wheelchair covered in gasoline.


The Miami New Times reports that as people often get, Rice was annoyed that the kids on his North Naples block were setting off fireworks on July 4 when he was trying to sleep. So what did he do? Go outside, smile, introduce himself, politely ask the kids to take it somewhere else, and then thank them for their understanding?


Hell no. This is Florida.

Instead, according to police, Rice walked outside with a can of gasoline and poured it all over the street near the kids, telling them "The party's over." He said that if they set off more fireworks, they would blow themselves to hell.

You know. Because of the gasoline. The gasoline that Rice poured all over the place like any sane, rational person would do.

That's when a neighbor in a wheelchair tried to intervene, and Rice — again, acting sanely and rationally — kicked the disabled man out of the chair and spilled gasoline all over him as well.


Rice was charged with abuse of an elderly person or adult, but he stands as a living testament to problem solving Florida style.

Photo credit Collier County Sheriff's Office/bayasaa

Hat tip to Ray Wert!