So here’s Low-Energy Don today talking about God, the power of prayer, and Easter with all the emotion of a 16-year-old Arby’s trainee trying to upsell you an order of curly fries:

x President Trump: "We place our trust in the hands of Almighty God." pic.twitter.com/irKFbEJQKN — The Hill (@thehill) April 10, 2020

What do you reckon he was thinking about while reading that? I’m guessing either rich, creamy nougat or a Penthouse Forum letter he read in 1982. Because it sure as shit isn’t God. I mean, he looks like a 6-year-old boy being forced to apologize to his sister for stabbing her in the face with a pencil.

Meanwhile, here’s Trump discussing something he really cares about: low-quality beef sold in catalogs:

I’m glad he’s such an enthusiastic shite-peddler. Sadly, we’ve all been gnawing on gristle for three and a half years now.

And yet Christians still think he’s the second coming. I’m starting to agree, to a point. Though the ancient figure he reminds me of most is Caligula, not Jesus.

Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Pr*sident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy.