My friend is geeky and he likes a lot of anime and games and cards and stuff. Problem is he now is talking about how girls are ‘b—-s’ and how no girls are ‘worth it’. Advice?

I like to call this geek-brand misogyny, and it’s out there a lot more than you think. Here’s how to deal with it in a nutshell.

First off, understand where this comes from- it’s not entirely strange to think like your friend. Many geeks find, through various circumstances, that “real” women (i.e. the kinds of girls they want and/or admire or whatever) are inaccessible- and through some interesting mental processes, rather than thinking “I want and I cannot have”, they think “I don’t want so it’s not an issue”. This, tied in with the way in which games/anime/eroge/the like portray women in “perfect” lights, really develops a unique kind of woman hating energy that can really come across as crass.

This is also why dating sims/eroge/romance anime exist, in sort of a circular way- they exist because geeks want idyllic women because real women don’t seem good enough because they play/watch because geeks want idyllic women (etc etc).

So what do I recommend you do?

First off, help him find opportunities to approach and interact with real, interesting women. Do not let him become excessively attached (many “Geek-brand misogynists” ironically do this easily), but let him actually go out and do things with real women in groups- re-orient him to real, breathing, interesting, and normal women. Do not let him recede into his fantasy world- shove him out there and make him stay there to the best of your ability.

Once you begin that, it may be best to enlist some (female) help. While you’re shoving them out there, get some female buddies to help him pull further out of his shell- let them help him meet interesting people, and let them do some of the heavy lifting with him. This doesn’t have to be a full out intervention- the more subtle, arguably the better- but let them try using their own skills. Guys can only do so much in this situation.

Finally, remember that if he’s like this, he might simply not change. While I admire you wanting to help him, if he’s adamant, there’s not much you can do. He might have to learn on his own time, unfortunately.

Tags: Culture, Dating, geeks, girls, misogyny, Sex & Dating