What exactly did Energy Secretary Rick Perry say to President Donald Trump on Air Force One today before landing in Texas? Only they know how conversation went when Perry resigned. But Texans who support Perry might have liked to see a resignation letter along these lines. At least, it’s a style and tone the president might understand.

Dear Mr. President:

I’m sending you my letter of resignation. In fact, let’s work out a good deal! You won’t be responsible for slaughtering my reputation, and I won’t be responsible for outing any lies you people might have told me about plans in Ukraine – and I’ve been subpoenaed by Congress. I’ve already agreed to cooperate.

I have worked hard to solve some of your problems. The Ukraine is an energy-rich nation that could have been an ally, but as I worked official channels, you and Rudy were working at something else. I wish I had shut down the energy department when I first thought of it. (Ooops.)

The chances of history looking upon you favorably are slimmer than my chances of getting out of the way of the bus you’ve thrown me under. So I’m heading back to Texas, where no one will make me stay in a hotel with a golden toilet, and the worst thing a reality TV star can do is decorate my home in shiplap. Go ahead, be the tough guy. But I’m not playing the fool!

Adios,

Rick Perry

Elizabeth Souder is the Sunday Opinion and commentary editor and a member of the Dallas Morning News editorial board.