Dateline, Washington DC.

The Department of Justice reported Monday that it is investigating whether the federal government has fallen victim to an international scam. Since they began intercepting and reading all our email, the NSA has sent over $63 Billion to members of the Nigerian royal family. The Agencies defends these actions, saying they seemed to be sure-fire, safe investments.

To this date, none of the investments have returned any money. Many of the alleged Nigerian royals who orchestrated these exchanges have gone missing.

Officials state they became suspicious when someone from the State Department read a Wikipedia entry on Nigeria. It informed him that Nigeria has a democratic government and not a monarchy. Indeed, there is no Nigerian royal family at all.

Federal officials are blaming the overwhelming amount of information they have to sift through and the speed it requires to read “every… damn… email…” They cite the fact that the average American reads .5% (zero point five percent) of the emails they receive, while the Government reads it all. This often leaves individual agents in a torpid, trance-like state. They become vulnerable to predators and susceptible to suggestion.

As the DOJ digs to the bottom of this case, other departments are starting to take notice and look for evidence of fraud. The General Accounting Office announced they may launch an investigation of their own. They admitted there is a chance one or several of the three dozen Golden Gate Bridges the Federal Government recently purchased may in fact be forgeries.