Renaissance man of the week: come on down, Justin Bieber! Even aside from the extraordinary feat of popularising a hairstyle heretofore limited to actresses playing the "quirky single friend/sister" role in 1970s American sitcoms, at the same time as singing songs – possibly penned by Stephen Sondheim – in which "baby, baby, oh" is brilliantly made to rhyme with "baby, baby, no", Bieber is about to make his inevitable dramatic acting debut.

LiS is already pinned to her seat (although that might just be the ketamine that suddenly felt necessary upon hearing this news) to watch young Bieber's appearance in CSI next week as "a troubled teen who is facing a terrible decision regarding his brother". Although Bieber has no lines in a just-released promo clip to rival those from Bristol Palin's thesp debut earlier this year, in which Palin fille uttered the timeless sentence, "You're the world's greatest French horn player, and I'm Yo-Yo Ma", LiS can reveal that Bieber's acting abilities are definitely on a par.

One is left merely with pangs of regret that the BBC announced this week that, despite his claims to the contrary, that other aspirant renaissance man 50 Cent will not be appearing on EastEnders. Did I say regret? Pesky manicure! I meant relief.